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THE SONG OF THE LARK
By Willa Cather
(1915 edition)
CONTENTS
I
Dr. Howard Archie had just come up from a game of pool with the Jewish clothier and two traveling men who happened to be staying overnight in Moonstone. His offices were in the Duke Block, over the drug store. Larry, the doctor’s man, had lit the overhead light in the waiting-room and the double student’s lamp on the desk in the study. The isinglass sides of the hard-coal burner were aglow, and the air in the study was so hot that as he came in the doctor opened the door into his little operating-room, where there was no stove. The waiting room was carpeted and stiffly furnished, something like a country parlor. The study had worn, unpainted floors, but there was a look of winter comfort about it. The doctor’s flat-top desk was large and well made; the papers were in orderly piles, under glass weights. Behind the stove a wide bookcase, with double glass doors, reached from the floor to the ceiling. It was filled with medical books of every thickness and color. On the top shelf stood a long row of thirty or forty volumes, bound all alike in dark mottled board covers, with imitation leather backs.
Dr. Howard Archie had just come up from playing pool with the Jewish clothier and two traveling men who were staying overnight in Moonstone. His offices were in the Duke Block, above the drugstore. Larry, the doctor's assistant, had turned on the overhead light in the waiting room and the double student’s lamp on the desk in the study. The isinglass sides of the hard-coal burner were glowing, and the air in the study was so hot that as he entered, the doctor opened the door to his small operating room, where there was no stove. The waiting room was carpeted and stiffly furnished, reminiscent of a country parlor. The study had worn, unpainted floors, but it had a cozy winter feel. The doctor’s flat-top desk was large and well crafted; the papers were neatly organized in piles, kept under glass weights. Behind the stove, a wide bookcase with double glass doors reached from the floor to the ceiling. It was filled with medical books of various sizes and colors. On the top shelf, there was a long row of thirty or forty volumes, all bound in matching dark mottled board covers with imitation leather backs.
As the doctor in New England villages is proverbially old, so the doctor in small Colorado towns twenty-five years ago was generally young. Dr. Archie was barely thirty. He was tall, with massive shoulders which he held stiffly, and a large, well-shaped head. He was a distinguished-looking man, for that part of the world, at least.
As the doctor in New England towns is known to be old, the doctor in small Colorado towns twenty-five years ago was usually young. Dr. Archie was just barely thirty. He was tall, with broad shoulders that he held tightly, and a big, well-shaped head. He looked distinguished, at least for that part of the world.
There was something individual in the way in which his reddish-brown hair, parted cleanly at the side, bushed over his high forehead. His nose was straight and thick, and his eyes were intelligent. He wore a curly, reddish mustache and an imperial, cut trimly, which made him look a little like the pictures of Napoleon III. His hands were large and well kept, but ruggedly formed, and the backs were shaded with crinkly reddish hair. He wore a blue suit of woolly, wide-waled serge; the traveling men had known at a glance that it was made by a Denver tailor. The doctor was always well dressed.
There was something unique about the way his reddish-brown hair, neatly parted on the side, swept over his tall forehead. His nose was straight and sturdy, and his eyes were sharp. He had a curly, reddish mustache and an imperial beard, trimmed neatly, which made him resemble the images of Napoleon III. His hands were large and well-groomed but had a rugged look, and the backs were covered with wispy reddish hair. He wore a blue suit made of soft, wide-wale fabric; the traveling salesmen could tell right away that it was made by a tailor in Denver. The doctor was always well-dressed.
Dr. Archie turned up the student’s lamp and sat down in the swivel chair before his desk. He sat uneasily, beating a tattoo on his knees with his fingers, and looked about him as if he were bored. He glanced at his watch, then absently took from his pocket a bunch of small keys, selected one and looked at it. A contemptuous smile, barely perceptible, played on his lips, but his eyes remained meditative. Behind the door that led into the hall, under his buffalo-skin driving-coat, was a locked cupboard. This the doctor opened mechanically, kicking aside a pile of muddy overshoes. Inside, on the shelves, were whiskey glasses and decanters, lemons, sugar, and bitters. Hearing a step in the empty, echoing hall without, the doctor closed the cupboard again, snapping the Yale lock. The door of the waiting-room opened, a man entered and came on into the consulting-room.
Dr. Archie turned up the student’s lamp and sat down in the swivel chair at his desk. He sat uneasily, tapping a rhythm on his knees with his fingers, and looked around as if he were bored. He glanced at his watch, then absently took a bunch of small keys from his pocket, picked one, and examined it. A barely noticeable smirk appeared on his lips, but his eyes stayed thoughtful. Behind the door that led into the hall, under his buffalo-skin driving coat, was a locked cupboard. The doctor opened it automatically, kicking aside a pile of muddy overshoes. Inside, on the shelves, were whiskey glasses and decanters, lemons, sugar, and bitters. Hearing footsteps in the empty, echoing hall outside, the doctor closed the cupboard again, locking it with a snap. The door to the waiting room opened, a man walked in, and came into the consulting room.
“Good-evening, Mr. Kronborg,” said the doctor carelessly. “Sit down.”
“Good evening, Mr. Kronborg,” the doctor said casually. “Have a seat.”
His visitor was a tall, loosely built man, with a thin brown beard, streaked with gray. He wore a frock coat, a broad-brimmed black hat, a white lawn necktie, and steel rimmed spectacles. Altogether there was a pretentious and important air about him, as he lifted the skirts of his coat and sat down.
His visitor was a tall, lanky guy with a thin brown beard that had some gray in it. He was wearing a long coat, a wide-brimmed black hat, a white necktie, and steel-rimmed glasses. Overall, he had a pompous and significant vibe as he lifted the edges of his coat and sat down.
“Good-evening, doctor. Can you step around to the house with me? I think Mrs. Kronborg will need you this evening.” This was said with profound gravity and, curiously enough, with a slight embarrassment.
“Good evening, doctor. Can you come around to the house with me? I think Mrs. Kronborg will need you tonight.” This was said with serious attention and, oddly enough, with a bit of embarrassment.
“Any hurry?” the doctor asked over his shoulder as he went into his operating-room.
“Any rush?” the doctor asked over his shoulder as he walked into his operating room.
Mr. Kronborg coughed behind his hand, and contracted his brows. His face threatened at every moment to break into a smile of foolish excitement. He controlled it only by calling upon his habitual pulpit manner. “Well, I think it would be as well to go immediately. Mrs. Kronborg will be more comfortable if you are there. She has been suffering for some time.”
Mr. Kronborg coughed into his hand and furrowed his brow. His face nearly broke into a smile of silly excitement at any moment. He held it back only by relying on his usual lecturing style. “Well, I think it would be best to head out right away. Mrs. Kronborg will feel more at ease if you’re there. She’s been unwell for a while.”
The doctor came back and threw a black bag upon his desk. He wrote some instructions for his man on a prescription pad and then drew on his overcoat. “All ready,” he announced, putting out his lamp. Mr. Kronborg rose and they tramped through the empty hall and down the stairway to the street. The drug store below was dark, and the saloon next door was just closing. Every other light on Main Street was out.
The doctor returned and tossed a black bag onto his desk. He jotted down some instructions for his assistant on a prescription pad and then put on his overcoat. “All set,” he said, turning off his lamp. Mr. Kronborg got up, and they trudged through the empty hallway and down the stairs to the street. The drugstore below was dark, and the bar next door was just closing. Every other light on Main Street was off.
On either side of the road and at the outer edge of the board sidewalk, the snow had been shoveled into breastworks. The town looked small and black, flattened down in the snow, muffled and all but extinguished. Overhead the stars shone gloriously. It was impossible not to notice them. The air was so clear that the white sand hills to the east of Moonstone gleamed softly. Following the Reverend Mr. Kronborg along the narrow walk, past the little dark, sleeping houses, the doctor looked up at the flashing night and whistled softly. It did seem that people were stupider than they need be; as if on a night like this there ought to be something better to do than to sleep nine hours, or to assist Mrs. Kronborg in functions which she could have performed so admirably unaided. He wished he had gone down to Denver to hear Fay Templeton sing “See-Saw.” Then he remembered that he had a personal interest in this family, after all. They turned into another street and saw before them lighted windows; a low story-and-a-half house, with a wing built on at the right and a kitchen addition at the back, everything a little on the slant—roofs, windows, and doors. As they approached the gate, Peter Kronborg’s pace grew brisker. His nervous, ministerial cough annoyed the doctor. “Exactly as if he were going to give out a text,” he thought. He drew off his glove and felt in his vest pocket. “Have a troche, Kronborg,” he said, producing some. “Sent me for samples. Very good for a rough throat.”
On both sides of the road and along the outer edge of the boardwalk, the snow had been piled up into barriers. The town appeared small and dark, flattened by the snow, muted and nearly extinguished. Above, the stars sparkled brilliantly. It was hard not to notice them. The air was so clear that the white sand hills to the east of Moonstone glowed softly. Following Reverend Mr. Kronborg along the narrow path, past the small dark, sleeping houses, the doctor looked up at the bright night and whistled softly. It did seem that people were dumber than they needed to be; as if on a night like this, there should be something better to do than sleep nine hours, or help Mrs. Kronborg with tasks she could handle perfectly well on her own. He wished he had gone down to Denver to hear Fay Templeton sing “See-Saw.” Then he remembered that he had a personal stake in this family, after all. They turned onto another street and saw lighted windows ahead; a low one-and-a-half-story house with a wing on the right and a kitchen addition at the back, everything slightly askew—roofs, windows, and doors. As they got closer to the gate, Peter Kronborg picked up his pace. His nervous, ministerial cough irritated the doctor. “Just like he’s about to preach a sermon,” he thought. He took off his glove and reached into his vest pocket. “Have a lozenge, Kronborg,” he said, pulling some out. “They sent me some samples. Great for a sore throat.”
“Ah, thank you, thank you. I was in something of a hurry. I neglected to put on my overshoes. Here we are, doctor.” Kronborg opened his front door—seemed delighted to be at home again.
“Ah, thank you, thank you. I was in a bit of a hurry. I forgot to put on my overshoes. Here we are, doctor.” Kronborg opened his front door—seemed really happy to be home again.
The front hall was dark and cold; the hatrack was hung with an astonishing number of children’s hats and caps and cloaks. They were even piled on the table beneath the hatrack. Under the table was a heap of rubbers and overshoes. While the doctor hung up his coat and hat, Peter Kronborg opened the door into the living-room. A glare of light greeted them, and a rush of hot, stale air, smelling of warming flannels.
The front hall was dark and chilly; the hat rack was loaded with an incredible number of kids' hats, caps, and coats. They were even stacked on the table beneath the hat rack. Beneath the table was a pile of galoshes and overshoes. While the doctor hung up his coat and hat, Peter Kronborg opened the door to the living room. A burst of light welcomed them, along with a rush of hot, stale air that smelled of warming blankets.
At three o’clock in the morning Dr. Archie was in the parlor putting on his cuffs and coat—there was no spare bedroom in that house. Peter Kronborg’s seventh child, a boy, was being soothed and cosseted by his aunt, Mrs. Kronborg was asleep, and the doctor was going home. But he wanted first to speak to Kronborg, who, coatless and fluttery, was pouring coal into the kitchen stove. As the doctor crossed the dining-room he paused and listened. From one of the wing rooms, off to the left, he heard rapid, distressed breathing. He went to the kitchen door.
At three in the morning, Dr. Archie was in the living room putting on his cuffs and coat—there wasn’t a spare bedroom in that house. Peter Kronborg’s seventh child, a boy, was being comforted and spoiled by his aunt, Mrs. Kronborg was asleep, and the doctor was heading home. But first, he wanted to talk to Kronborg, who, without his coat and a bit flustered, was filling the kitchen stove with coal. As the doctor walked through the dining room, he stopped and listened. From one of the side rooms to the left, he heard quick, troubled breathing. He went to the kitchen door.
“One of the children sick in there?” he asked, nodding toward the partition.
“One of the kids in there sick?” he asked, nodding toward the partition.
Kronborg hung up the stove-lifter and dusted his fingers. “It must be Thea. I meant to ask you to look at her. She has a croupy cold. But in my excitement—Mrs. Kronborg is doing finely, eh, doctor? Not many of your patients with such a constitution, I expect.”
Kronborg put away the stove-lifter and wiped his hands. “It must be Thea. I meant to ask you to check on her. She has a bad cold. But in my excitement—Mrs. Kronborg is doing great, right, doctor? I don't imagine many of your patients have such strong health.”
“Oh, yes. She’s a fine mother.” The doctor took up the lamp from the kitchen table and unceremoniously went into the wing room. Two chubby little boys were asleep in a double bed, with the coverlids over their noses and their feet drawn up. In a single bed, next to theirs, lay a little girl of eleven, wide awake, two yellow braids sticking up on the pillow behind her. Her face was scarlet and her eyes were blazing.
“Oh, yes. She’s a great mom.” The doctor picked up the lamp from the kitchen table and casually walked into the wing room. Two chubby little boys were sleeping in a double bed, with the blankets pulled over their noses and their feet curled up. In a single bed next to theirs lay an eleven-year-old girl, wide awake, with two yellow braids sticking up on the pillow behind her. Her face was bright red and her eyes were on fire.
The doctor shut the door behind him. “Feel pretty sick, Thea?” he asked as he took out his thermometer. “Why didn’t you call somebody?”
The doctor closed the door behind him. “You feeling pretty sick, Thea?” he asked as he pulled out his thermometer. “Why didn’t you call anyone?”
She looked at him with greedy affection. “I thought you were here,” she spoke between quick breaths. “There is a new baby, isn’t there? Which?”
She looked at him with eager affection. “I thought you were here,” she said between quick breaths. “There's a new baby, right? Which one?”
“Which?” repeated the doctor.
“Which?” the doctor repeated.
“Brother or sister?”
"Sibling?"
He smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Brother,” he said, taking her hand. “Open.”
He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Brother,” he said, taking her hand. “Open.”
“Good. Brothers are better,” she murmured as he put the glass tube under her tongue.
“Good. Brothers are better,” she whispered as he placed the glass tube under her tongue.
“Now, be still, I want to count.” Dr. Archie reached for her hand and took out his watch. When he put her hand back under the quilt he went over to one of the windows—they were both tight shut—and lifted it a little way. He reached up and ran his hand along the cold, unpapered wall. “Keep under the covers; I’ll come back to you in a moment,” he said, bending over the glass lamp with his thermometer. He winked at her from the door before he shut it.
“Now, hold on, I want to count.” Dr. Archie grabbed her hand and pulled out his watch. After placing her hand back under the quilt, he walked over to one of the windows—they were both tightly shut—and opened it a little. He reached up and ran his hand along the cold, bare wall. “Stay under the covers; I’ll be right back,” he said, leaning over the glass lamp with his thermometer. He winked at her from the door before closing it.
Peter Kronborg was sitting in his wife’s room, holding the bundle which contained his son. His air of cheerful importance, his beard and glasses, even his shirt-sleeves, annoyed the doctor. He beckoned Kronborg into the living-room and said sternly:—
Peter Kronborg was sitting in his wife’s room, holding the bundle that contained his son. His cheerful air of importance, his beard and glasses, even his rolled-up shirt sleeves, irritated the doctor. He gestured for Kronborg to come into the living room and said sternly:—
“You’ve got a very sick child in there. Why didn’t you call me before? It’s pneumonia, and she must have been sick for several days. Put the baby down somewhere, please, and help me make up the bed-lounge here in the parlor. She’s got to be in a warm room, and she’s got to be quiet. You must keep the other children out. Here, this thing opens up, I see,” swinging back the top of the carpet lounge. “We can lift her mattress and carry her in just as she is. I don’t want to disturb her more than is necessary.”
“You have a very sick child in there. Why didn’t you call me earlier? It’s pneumonia, and she must have been unwell for a few days. Please put the baby down somewhere and help me set up the bed-lounge here in the living room. She needs to be in a warm room and kept quiet. You have to keep the other kids out. Look, this thing opens up, I see,” as she swings back the top of the carpet lounge. “We can lift her mattress and carry her in just like she is. I don’t want to disturb her more than necessary.”
Kronborg was all concern immediately. The two men took up the mattress and carried the sick child into the parlor. “I’ll have to go down to my office to get some medicine, Kronborg. The drug store won’t be open. Keep the covers on her. I won’t be gone long. Shake down the stove and put on a little coal, but not too much; so it’ll catch quickly, I mean. Find an old sheet for me, and put it there to warm.”
Kronborg was immediately worried. The two men lifted the mattress and carried the sick child into the living room. “I need to go to my office to get some medicine, Kronborg. The pharmacy won’t be open. Keep her covered. I won’t be gone long. Make sure to stir the stove and add a little coal, but not too much; just enough so it’ll catch quickly. Find an old sheet for me and put it there to warm up.”
The doctor caught his coat and hurried out into the dark street. Nobody was stirring yet, and the cold was bitter. He was tired and hungry and in no mild humor. “The idea!” he muttered; “to be such an ass at his age, about the seventh! And to feel no responsibility about the little girl. Silly old goat! The baby would have got into the world somehow; they always do. But a nice little girl like that—she’s worth the whole litter. Where she ever got it from—” He turned into the Duke Block and ran up the stairs to his office.
The doctor grabbed his coat and rushed out into the dark street. No one was awake yet, and the cold was biting. He was exhausted and hungry and not in a great mood. “What was he thinking?” he muttered; “to be such a fool at his age, about the seventh! And to feel no sense of responsibility for the little girl. What a silly old man! The baby would have made it into the world somehow; they always do. But a sweet girl like that—she’s worth so much more. Where did she even get it from—” He turned into the Duke Block and ran up the stairs to his office.
Thea Kronborg, meanwhile, was wondering why she happened to be in the parlor, where nobody but company—usually visiting preachers—ever slept. She had moments of stupor when she did not see anything, and moments of excitement when she felt that something unusual and pleasant was about to happen, when she saw everything clearly in the red light from the isinglass sides of the hard-coal burner—the nickel trimmings on the stove itself, the pictures on the wall, which she thought very beautiful, the flowers on the Brussels carpet, Czerny’s “Daily Studies” which stood open on the upright piano. She forgot, for the time being, all about the new baby.
Thea Kronborg was wondering why she was in the parlor, a place where only guests—usually visiting preachers—ever slept. She had moments when she felt spacey and didn’t see anything, and moments of excitement when she sensed that something unusual and good was about to happen. She took in everything clearly, illuminated by the red light from the isinglass panels of the hard-coal burner—the nickel details on the stove, the beautiful pictures on the wall, the flowers on the Brussels carpet, and Czerny’s “Daily Studies” that was open on the upright piano. For now, she forgot all about the new baby.
When she heard the front door open, it occurred to her that the pleasant thing which was going to happen was Dr. Archie himself. He came in and warmed his hands at the stove. As he turned to her, she threw herself wearily toward him, half out of her bed. She would have tumbled to the floor had he not caught her. He gave her some medicine and went to the kitchen for something he needed. She drowsed and lost the sense of his being there. When she opened her eyes again, he was kneeling before the stove, spreading something dark and sticky on a white cloth, with a big spoon; batter, perhaps. Presently she felt him taking off her nightgown. He wrapped the hot plaster about her chest. There seemed to be straps which he pinned over her shoulders. Then he took out a thread and needle and began to sew her up in it. That, she felt, was too strange; she must be dreaming anyhow, so she succumbed to her drowsiness.
When she heard the front door open, she realized that the nice thing that was about to happen was Dr. Archie himself. He came in and warmed his hands at the stove. When he turned to her, she wearily threw herself toward him, half out of her bed. She would have fallen to the floor if he hadn’t caught her. He gave her some medicine and went to the kitchen for something he needed. She dozed off and lost track of his presence. When she opened her eyes again, he was kneeling in front of the stove, spreading something dark and sticky on a white cloth with a big spoon; maybe it was batter. Soon, she felt him taking off her nightgown. He wrapped a hot plaster around her chest. There seemed to be straps that he pinned over her shoulders. Then he took out a thread and needle and started sewing her into it. That felt too strange; she must be dreaming anyway, so she gave in to her drowsiness.
Thea had been moaning with every breath since the doctor came back, but she did not know it. She did not realize that she was suffering pain. When she was conscious at all, she seemed to be separated from her body; to be perched on top of the piano, or on the hanging lamp, watching the doctor sew her up. It was perplexing and unsatisfactory, like dreaming. She wished she could waken up and see what was going on.
Thea had been moaning with every breath since the doctor returned, but she didn't realize it. She didn't recognize that she was in pain. Whenever she was aware, it felt like she was detached from her body; like she was sitting on top of the piano or the hanging lamp, watching the doctor stitch her up. It was confusing and unsatisfying, like being in a dream. She wished she could wake up and understand what was happening.
The doctor thanked God that he had persuaded Peter Kronborg to keep out of the way. He could do better by the child if he had her to himself. He had no children of his own. His marriage was a very unhappy one. As he lifted and undressed Thea, he thought to himself what a beautiful thing a little girl’s body was,—like a flower. It was so neatly and delicately fashioned, so soft, and so milky white. Thea must have got her hair and her silky skin from her mother. She was a little Swede, through and through. Dr. Archie could not help thinking how he would cherish a little creature like this if she were his. Her hands, so little and hot, so clever, too,—he glanced at the open exercise book on the piano. When he had stitched up the flaxseed jacket, he wiped it neatly about the edges, where the paste had worked out on the skin. He put on her the clean nightgown he had warmed before the fire, and tucked the blankets about her. As he pushed back the hair that had fuzzed down over her eyebrows, he felt her head thoughtfully with the tips of his fingers. No, he couldn’t say that it was different from any other child’s head, though he believed that there was something very different about her. He looked intently at her wide, flushed face, freckled nose, fierce little mouth, and her delicate, tender chin—the one soft touch in her hard little Scandinavian face, as if some fairy godmother had caressed her there and left a cryptic promise. Her brows were usually drawn together defiantly, but never when she was with Dr. Archie. Her affection for him was prettier than most of the things that went to make up the doctor’s life in Moonstone.
The doctor was grateful that he had convinced Peter Kronborg to stay away. He could do more for the child if he had her to himself. He didn't have any kids of his own. His marriage was quite unhappy. As he lifted and undressed Thea, he thought to himself how beautiful a little girl's body was—like a flower. It was so neatly and delicately crafted, so soft and so milky white. Thea must have inherited her hair and silky skin from her mother. She was a little Swede, through and through. Dr. Archie couldn't help thinking about how he would cherish a little person like this if she were his. Her hands, so small and warm, and so clever, too—he glanced at the open exercise book on the piano. After finishing up the flaxseed jacket, he carefully wiped the edges, where the paste had seeped out onto the skin. He put on her clean nightgown that he had warmed by the fire and tucked the blankets around her. As he pushed back the hair that had fallen over her eyebrows, he gently felt her head with the tips of his fingers. No, he couldn’t say it was different from any other child’s head, though he believed there was something unique about her. He looked closely at her wide, flushed face, freckled nose, fierce little mouth, and her delicate, tender chin—the one gentle feature on her otherwise tough little Scandinavian face, as if some fairy godmother had touched her there and left a secret promise. Her brows were usually furrowed in defiance, but never when she was with Dr. Archie. Her affection for him was prettier than most of the things that made up the doctor’s life in Moonstone.
The windows grew gray. He heard a tramping on the attic floor, on the back stairs, then cries: “Give me my shirt!” “Where’s my other stocking?”
The windows faded to gray. He heard footsteps on the attic floor, on the back stairs, then voices shouting: “Give me my shirt!” “Where’s my other stocking?”
“I’ll have to stay till they get off to school,” he reflected, “or they’ll be in here tormenting her, the whole lot of them.”
“I’ll have to stay until they leave for school,” he thought, “or they’ll all be in here bothering her.”
II
For the next four days it seemed to Dr. Archie that his patient might slip through his hands, do what he might. But she did not. On the contrary, after that she recovered very rapidly. As her father remarked, she must have inherited the “constitution” which he was never tired of admiring in her mother.
For the next four days, Dr. Archie felt like his patient might slip away from him no matter what he did. But she didn’t. In fact, after that, she recovered quite quickly. As her father noted, she must have inherited the “constitution” that he was always praising in her mother.
One afternoon, when her new brother was a week old, the doctor found Thea very comfortable and happy in her bed in the parlor. The sunlight was pouring in over her shoulders, the baby was asleep on a pillow in a big rocking-chair beside her. Whenever he stirred, she put out her hand and rocked him. Nothing of him was visible but a flushed, puffy forehead and an uncompromisingly big, bald cranium. The door into her mother’s room stood open, and Mrs. Kronborg was sitting up in bed darning stockings. She was a short, stalwart woman, with a short neck and a determined-looking head. Her skin was very fair, her face calm and unwrinkled, and her yellow hair, braided down her back as she lay in bed, still looked like a girl’s. She was a woman whom Dr. Archie respected; active, practical, unruffled; goodhumored, but determined. Exactly the sort of woman to take care of a flighty preacher. She had brought her husband some property, too,—one fourth of her father’s broad acres in Nebraska,—but this she kept in her own name. She had profound respect for her husband’s erudition and eloquence. She sat under his preaching with deep humility, and was as much taken in by his stiff shirt and white neckties as if she had not ironed them herself by lamplight the night before they appeared correct and spotless in the pulpit. But for all this, she had no confidence in his administration of worldly affairs. She looked to him for morning prayers and grace at table; she expected him to name the babies and to supply whatever parental sentiment there was in the house, to remember birthdays and anniversaries, to point the children to moral and patriotic ideals. It was her work to keep their bodies, their clothes, and their conduct in some sort of order, and this she accomplished with a success that was a source of wonder to her neighbors. As she used to remark, and her husband admiringly to echo, she “had never lost one.” With all his flightiness, Peter Kronborg appreciated the matter-of-fact, punctual way in which his wife got her children into the world and along in it. He believed, and he was right in believing, that the sovereign State of Colorado was much indebted to Mrs. Kronborg and women like her.
One afternoon, when her new brother was a week old, the doctor found Thea very comfortable and happy in her bed in the living room. The sunlight was streaming in over her shoulders, and the baby was asleep on a pillow in a big rocking chair beside her. Whenever he moved, she reached out her hand to rock him. The only parts of him visible were his flushed, puffy forehead and his undeniably large, bald head. The door to her mother’s room was open, and Mrs. Kronborg was sitting up in bed mending stockings. She was a short, strong woman with a short neck and a determined-looking face. Her skin was very fair, her face calm and wrinkle-free, and her yellow hair, braided down her back as she lay in bed, still looked youthful. She was a woman whom Dr. Archie respected; active, practical, calm; good-natured but determined. Exactly the kind of woman to support a whimsical preacher. She had also brought her husband some property—one fourth of her father's land in Nebraska—but she kept that in her own name. She had great respect for her husband’s knowledge and speaking ability. She listened to his sermons with deep humility and was just as impressed by his stiff shirt and white neckties as if she hadn’t ironed them herself by lamplight the night before they looked perfect and spotless in the pulpit. But despite all this, she had no faith in his ability to handle practical matters. She relied on him for morning prayers and saying grace at mealtimes; she expected him to name the babies and provide any parental sentiment in the house, to remember birthdays and anniversaries, and to guide the children towards moral and patriotic ideals. It was her job to keep their bodies, clothes, and behavior in some sort of order, which she did with a success that amazed her neighbors. As she often said, and her husband admired her for saying, she “had never lost one.” With all his fancifulness, Peter Kronborg appreciated the straightforward, timely way his wife brought their children into the world and raised them. He believed, and he was right, that the great State of Colorado owed a lot to Mrs. Kronborg and women like her.
Mrs. Kronborg believed that the size of every family was decided in heaven. More modern views would not have startled her; they would simply have seemed foolish—thin chatter, like the boasts of the men who built the tower of Babel, or like Axel’s plan to breed ostriches in the chicken yard. From what evidence Mrs. Kronborg formed her opinions on this and other matters, it would have been difficult to say, but once formed, they were unchangeable. She would no more have questioned her convictions than she would have questioned revelation. Calm and even tempered, naturally kind, she was capable of strong prejudices, and she never forgave.
Mrs. Kronborg believed that the size of every family was decided in heaven. More modern views wouldn’t have surprised her; they would have just seemed silly—empty talk, like the bragging of the men who built the tower of Babel, or like Axel’s idea to raise ostriches in the chicken coop. It would have been hard to say what led Mrs. Kronborg to form her opinions on this and other topics, but once they were formed, they were set in stone. She would question her beliefs as little as she would question a divine revelation. Calm and even-tempered, naturally kind, she was capable of strong biases, and she never forgave.
When the doctor came in to see Thea, Mrs. Kronborg was reflecting that the washing was a week behind, and deciding what she had better do about it. The arrival of a new baby meant a revision of her entire domestic schedule, and as she drove her needle along she had been working out new sleeping arrangements and cleaning days. The doctor had entered the house without knocking, after making noise enough in the hall to prepare his patients. Thea was reading, her book propped up before her in the sunlight.
When the doctor came in to see Thea, Mrs. Kronborg was thinking about the laundry being a week behind and figuring out what to do about it. The arrival of a new baby meant she had to completely revise her daily routine, and as she stitched away, she was planning out new sleeping arrangements and cleaning days. The doctor came into the house without knocking, making enough noise in the hallway to let his patients know he was there. Thea was reading, with her book propped up in the sunlight.
“Mustn’t do that; bad for your eyes,” he said, as Thea shut the book quickly and slipped it under the covers.
“Don’t do that; it’s bad for your eyes,” he said, as Thea quickly shut the book and slipped it under the covers.
Mrs. Kronborg called from her bed: “Bring the baby here, doctor, and have that chair. She wanted him in there for company.”
Mrs. Kronborg called from her bed, "Bring the baby here, doctor, and grab that chair. She wanted him in there for company."
Before the doctor picked up the baby, he put a yellow paper bag down on Thea’s coverlid and winked at her. They had a code of winks and grimaces. When he went in to chat with her mother, Thea opened the bag cautiously, trying to keep it from crackling. She drew out a long bunch of white grapes, with a little of the sawdust in which they had been packed still clinging to them. They were called Malaga grapes in Moonstone, and once or twice during the winter the leading grocer got a keg of them. They were used mainly for table decoration, about Christmas-time. Thea had never had more than one grape at a time before. When the doctor came back she was holding the almost transparent fruit up in the sunlight, feeling the pale-green skins softly with the tips of her fingers. She did not thank him; she only snapped her eyes at him in a special way which he understood, and, when he gave her his hand, put it quickly and shyly under her cheek, as if she were trying to do so without knowing it—and without his knowing it.
Before the doctor picked up the baby, he set a yellow paper bag down on Thea’s blanket and winked at her. They had a system of winks and grimaces. When he went in to talk with her mom, Thea opened the bag carefully, trying not to make it crinkle. She pulled out a long bunch of white grapes, with a little bit of the sawdust they were packed in still sticking to them. They were called Malaga grapes in Moonstone, and occasionally during winter, the top grocer would get a keg of them. They were mostly used for table decoration around Christmas time. Thea had never had more than one grape at once before. When the doctor returned, she was holding the almost transparent fruit up to the sunlight, feeling the pale-green skins gently with the tips of her fingers. She didn’t thank him; she just gave him a special look that he understood, and when he offered his hand, she quickly and shyly placed it under her cheek, as if she were trying to do it without realizing it—and without him noticing.
Dr. Archie sat down in the rocking-chair. “And how’s Thea feeling to-day?”
Dr. Archie sat down in the rocking chair. “So, how’s Thea feeling today?”
He was quite as shy as his patient, especially when a third person overheard his conversation. Big and handsome and superior to his fellow townsmen as Dr. Archie was, he was seldom at his ease, and like Peter Kronborg he often dodged behind a professional manner. There was sometimes a contraction of embarrassment and self consciousness all over his big body, which made him awkward—likely to stumble, to kick up rugs, or to knock over chairs. If any one was very sick, he forgot himself, but he had a clumsy touch in convalescent gossip.
He was just as shy as his patient, especially when someone else was listening to their conversation. Even though Dr. Archie was big, handsome, and better than the other townsfolk, he was rarely at ease, and like Peter Kronborg, he often hid behind a professional facade. Occasionally, he'd show signs of embarrassment and self-consciousness throughout his tall frame, making him awkward—likely to trip, kick up rugs, or bump into chairs. If someone was very ill, he could forget himself, but he clumsily handled chats about recovering patients.
Thea curled up on her side and looked at him with pleasure. “All right. I like to be sick. I have more fun then than other times.”
Thea curled up on her side and looked at him with pleasure. “Okay. I like being sick. I have more fun then than at other times.”
“How’s that?”
"How's that going?"
“I don’t have to go to school, and I don’t have to practice. I can read all I want to, and have good things,”—she patted the grapes. “I had lots of fun that time I mashed my finger and you wouldn’t let Professor Wunsch make me practice. Only I had to do left hand, even then. I think that was mean.”
“I don’t have to go to school, and I don’t have to practice. I can read as much as I want and enjoy nice things,”—she patted the grapes. “I had so much fun that time I smashed my finger and you wouldn’t let Professor Wunsch make me practice. But I still had to do my left hand, even then. I think that was unfair.”
The doctor took her hand and examined the forefinger, where the nail had grown back a little crooked. “You mustn’t trim it down close at the corner there, and then it will grow straight. You won’t want it crooked when you’re a big girl and wear rings and have sweethearts.”
The doctor took her hand and looked at her forefinger, where the nail had grown back a bit crooked. “You shouldn’t cut it too short at the corner, and then it will grow straight. You won’t want it crooked when you’re older and wearing rings and dating.”
She made a mocking little face at him and looked at his new scarf-pin. “That’s the prettiest one you ev-ER had. I wish you’d stay a long while and let me look at it. What is it?”
She made a playful face at him and glanced at his new scarf pin. “That’s the nicest one you’ve ever had. I wish you’d stay for a while and let me admire it. What is it?”
Dr. Archie laughed. “It’s an opal. Spanish Johnny brought it up for me from Chihuahua in his shoe. I had it set in Denver, and I wore it to-day for your benefit.”
Dr. Archie laughed. “It’s an opal. Spanish Johnny brought it up for me from Chihuahua in his shoe. I had it set in Denver, and I wore it today for your benefit.”
Thea had a curious passion for jewelry. She wanted every shining stone she saw, and in summer she was always going off into the sand hills to hunt for crystals and agates and bits of pink chalcedony. She had two cigar boxes full of stones that she had found or traded for, and she imagined that they were of enormous value. She was always planning how she would have them set.
Thea had a strong fascination with jewelry. She wanted every shiny stone she came across, and during the summer, she often ventured into the sand hills to search for crystals, agates, and pieces of pink chalcedony. She had two cigar boxes packed with stones that she had either found or traded for, and she imagined they were extremely valuable. She was always thinking about how she would have them set.
“What are you reading?” The doctor reached under the covers and pulled out a book of Byron’s poems. “Do you like this?”
“What are you reading?” The doctor reached under the covers and pulled out a book of Byron's poems. “Do you like this?”
She looked confused, turned over a few pages rapidly, and pointed to “My native land, good-night.” “That,” she said sheepishly.
She looked confused, flipped through a few pages quickly, and pointed to “My native land, good-night.” “That,” she said shyly.
“How about ‘Maid of Athens’?”
“How about ‘Maid of Athens’?”
She blushed and looked at him suspiciously. “I like ‘There was a sound of revelry,’” she muttered.
She blushed and looked at him suspiciously. “I like ‘There was a sound of celebration,’” she muttered.
The doctor laughed and closed the book. It was clumsily bound in padded leather and had been presented to the Reverend Peter Kronborg by his Sunday-School class as an ornament for his parlor table.
The doctor chuckled and shut the book. It was awkwardly bound in soft leather and had been given to Reverend Peter Kronborg by his Sunday school class as a decoration for his living room table.
“Come into the office some day, and I’ll lend you a nice book. You can skip the parts you don’t understand. You can read it in vacation. Perhaps you’ll be able to understand all of it by then.”
“Come by the office one day, and I’ll lend you a great book. You can skip the parts that confuse you. You can read it on vacation. Maybe by then you’ll be able to understand all of it.”
Thea frowned and looked fretfully toward the piano. “In vacation I have to practice four hours every day, and then there’ll be Thor to take care of.” She pronounced it “Tor.”
Thea frowned and glanced anxiously at the piano. “During vacation, I have to practice four hours every day, and then there’s Thor to take care of.” She pronounced it “Tor.”
“Thor? Oh, you’ve named the baby Thor?” exclaimed the doctor.
“Thor? Oh, you named the baby Thor?” the doctor exclaimed.
Thea frowned again, still more fiercely, and said quickly, “That’s a nice name, only maybe it’s a little—old fashioned.” She was very sensitive about being thought a foreigner, and was proud of the fact that, in town, her father always preached in English; very bookish English, at that, one might add.
Thea frowned even more intensely and quickly said, “That’s a nice name, but maybe it’s a little—old-fashioned.” She was really sensitive about being seen as a foreigner and was proud of the fact that, in town, her father always preached in English; very formal English, to add.
Born in an old Scandinavian colony in Minnesota, Peter Kronborg had been sent to a small divinity school in Indiana by the women of a Swedish evangelical mission, who were convinced of his gifts and who skimped and begged and gave church suppers to get the long, lazy youth through the seminary. He could still speak enough Swedish to exhort and to bury the members of his country church out at Copper Hole, and he wielded in his Moonstone pulpit a somewhat pompous English vocabulary he had learned out of books at college. He always spoke of “the infant Saviour,” “our Heavenly Father,” etc. The poor man had no natural, spontaneous human speech. If he had his sincere moments, they were perforce inarticulate. Probably a good deal of his pretentiousness was due to the fact that he habitually expressed himself in a book learned language, wholly remote from anything personal, native, or homely. Mrs. Kronborg spoke Swedish to her own sisters and to her sister-in-law Tillie, and colloquial English to her neighbors. Thea, who had a rather sensitive ear, until she went to school never spoke at all, except in monosyllables, and her mother was convinced that she was tongue-tied. She was still inept in speech for a child so intelligent. Her ideas were usually clear, but she seldom attempted to explain them, even at school, where she excelled in “written work” and never did more than mutter a reply.
Born in an old Scandinavian colony in Minnesota, Peter Kronborg had been sent to a small divinity school in Indiana by the women of a Swedish evangelical mission, who believed in his gifts and sacrificed to get the laid-back youth through seminary. He could still speak enough Swedish to preach and bury the members of his country church out at Copper Hole, and he used a somewhat pompous English vocabulary he had learned from books in college in his Moonstone pulpit. He always referred to “the infant Savior,” “our Heavenly Father,” and so on. The poor man lacked natural, spontaneous human speech. When he had sincere moments, they were inevitably inarticulate. A lot of his pretentiousness probably came from the fact that he regularly expressed himself in a bookish language, completely detached from anything personal, native, or familiar. Mrs. Kronborg spoke Swedish to her own sisters and to her sister-in-law Tillie, and casual English to her neighbors. Thea, who had a pretty sensitive ear, didn’t speak at all until she started school, except in monosyllables, and her mother was convinced that she was tongue-tied. She was still clumsy in speech for a child so smart. Her ideas were usually clear, but she rarely tried to explain them, even at school, where she excelled in “written work” and never did more than mumble a response.
“Your music professor stopped me on the street to-day and asked me how you were,” said the doctor, rising. “He’ll be sick himself, trotting around in this slush with no overcoat or overshoes.”
“Your music professor stopped me on the street today and asked how you were,” said the doctor, getting up. “He’ll end up getting sick himself, walking around in this slush without an overcoat or overshoes.”
“He’s poor,” said Thea simply.
“He's broke,” said Thea simply.
The doctor sighed. “I’m afraid he’s worse than that. Is he always all right when you take your lessons? Never acts as if he’d been drinking?”
The doctor sighed. “I’m afraid he’s worse than that. Is he always okay when you take your lessons? Does he never act like he’s been drinking?”
Thea looked angry and spoke excitedly. “He knows a lot. More than anybody. I don’t care if he does drink; he’s old and poor.” Her voice shook a little.
Thea looked mad and spoke with enthusiasm. “He knows so much. More than anyone. I don’t care if he drinks; he’s old and poor.” Her voice trembled a bit.
Mrs. Kronborg spoke up from the next room. “He’s a good teacher, doctor. It’s good for us he does drink. He’d never be in a little place like this if he didn’t have some weakness. These women that teach music around here don’t know nothing. I wouldn’t have my child wasting time with them. If Professor Wunsch goes away, Thea’ll have nobody to take from. He’s careful with his scholars; he don’t use bad language. Mrs. Kohler is always present when Thea takes her lesson. It’s all right.” Mrs. Kronborg spoke calmly and judicially. One could see that she had thought the matter out before.
Mrs. Kronborg called out from the next room. “He’s a great teacher, doctor. It’s actually good for us that he drinks. He wouldn’t be in a small place like this if he didn’t have some kind of flaw. The women who teach music around here don’t know anything. I wouldn’t let my child waste time with them. If Professor Wunsch leaves, Thea won’t have anyone to learn from. He’s careful with his students; he doesn’t use bad language. Mrs. Kohler is always there when Thea has her lesson. It’s all good.” Mrs. Kronborg spoke calmly and with authority. You could tell she had thought this over before.
“I’m glad to hear that, Mrs. Kronborg. I wish we could get the old man off his bottle and keep him tidy. Do you suppose if I gave you an old overcoat you could get him to wear it?” The doctor went to the bedroom door and Mrs. Kronborg looked up from her darning.
“I’m happy to hear that, Mrs. Kronborg. I wish we could get the old man to stop drinking and keep himself neat. Do you think if I gave you an old overcoat you could get him to wear it?” The doctor walked over to the bedroom door, and Mrs. Kronborg looked up from her sewing.
“Why, yes, I guess he’d be glad of it. He’ll take most anything from me. He won’t buy clothes, but I guess he’d wear ’em if he had ’em. I’ve never had any clothes to give him, having so many to make over for.”
“Sure, I think he’d appreciate it. He’ll accept just about anything from me. He won’t buy clothes, but I suppose he’d wear them if he had them. I’ve never had any clothes to give him since I have so many to fix up for myself.”
“I’ll have Larry bring the coat around to-night. You aren’t cross with me, Thea?” taking her hand.
“I’ll have Larry bring the coat over tonight. You’re not mad at me, are you, Thea?” he said, taking her hand.
Thea grinned warmly. “Not if you give Professor Wunsch a coat—and things,” she tapped the grapes significantly. The doctor bent over and kissed her.
Thea smiled brightly. “Not if you give Professor Wunsch a coat—and things,” she emphasized by tapping the grapes. The doctor leaned down and kissed her.
III
Being sick was all very well, but Thea knew from experience that starting back to school again was attended by depressing difficulties. One Monday morning she got up early with Axel and Gunner, who shared her wing room, and hurried into the back living-room, between the dining-room and the kitchen. There, beside a soft-coal stove, the younger children of the family undressed at night and dressed in the morning. The older daughter, Anna, and the two big boys slept upstairs, where the rooms were theoretically warmed by stovepipes from below. The first (and the worst!) thing that confronted Thea was a suit of clean, prickly red flannel, fresh from the wash. Usually the torment of breaking in a clean suit of flannel came on Sunday, but yesterday, as she was staying in the house, she had begged off. Their winter underwear was a trial to all the children, but it was bitterest to Thea because she happened to have the most sensitive skin. While she was tugging it on, her Aunt Tillie brought in warm water from the boiler and filled the tin pitcher. Thea washed her face, brushed and braided her hair, and got into her blue cashmere dress. Over this she buttoned a long apron, with sleeves, which would not be removed until she put on her cloak to go to school. Gunner and Axel, on the soap box behind the stove, had their usual quarrel about which should wear the tightest stockings, but they exchanged reproaches in low tones, for they were wholesomely afraid of Mrs. Kronborg’s rawhide whip. She did not chastise her children often, but she did it thoroughly. Only a somewhat stern system of discipline could have kept any degree of order and quiet in that overcrowded house.
Feeling sick was fine, but Thea knew from experience that going back to school was filled with annoying challenges. One Monday morning, she woke up early with Axel and Gunner, who shared her room, and hurried into the back living room, located between the dining room and the kitchen. There, next to a soft-coal stove, the younger kids of the family got undressed at night and dressed in the morning. The older daughter, Anna, and the two big boys slept upstairs, where the rooms were supposed to be warmed by stovepipes coming from below. The first (and the worst!) thing that confronted Thea was a suit of clean, prickly red flannel, freshly washed. Usually, the hassle of breaking in a new flannel suit happened on Sunday, but since she stayed home yesterday, she had managed to get out of it. Their winter underwear was a struggle for all the kids, but it was the hardest for Thea because she had the most sensitive skin. While she was pulling it on, her Aunt Tillie brought in warm water from the boiler and filled the tin pitcher. Thea washed her face, brushed and braided her hair, and put on her blue cashmere dress. Over it, she buttoned a long apron with sleeves, which she would not take off until she put on her cloak to head to school. Gunner and Axel, sitting on the soapbox behind the stove, had their usual argument about who should wear the tightest stockings, but they kept their voices low since they were healthily scared of Mrs. Kronborg’s rawhide whip. She didn't often punish her kids, but when she did, it was thorough. Only a somewhat strict system of discipline could maintain any level of order and quiet in that crowded house.
Mrs. Kronborg’s children were all trained to dress themselves at the earliest possible age, to make their own beds,—the boys as well as the girls,—to take care of their clothes, to eat what was given them, and to keep out of the way. Mrs. Kronborg would have made a good chess player; she had a head for moves and positions.
Mrs. Kronborg’s kids were all taught to dress themselves as early as possible, to make their own beds—both the boys and the girls—to take care of their clothes, to eat what was served to them, and to stay out of the way. Mrs. Kronborg would have made a great chess player; she was good at figuring out moves and positions.
Anna, the elder daughter, was her mother’s lieutenant. All the children knew that they must obey Anna, who was an obstinate contender for proprieties and not always fair minded. To see the young Kronborgs headed for Sunday School was like watching a military drill. Mrs. Kronborg let her children’s minds alone. She did not pry into their thoughts or nag them. She respected them as individuals, and outside of the house they had a great deal of liberty. But their communal life was definitely ordered.
Anna, the older daughter, was her mother’s right-hand woman. All the kids knew they had to listen to Anna, who was stubborn about rules and not always fair. Watching the young Kronborgs headed to Sunday School felt like watching a military drill. Mrs. Kronborg gave her kids space to think for themselves. She didn’t invade their privacy or nag them. She respected them as individuals, and outside the home, they had a lot of freedom. But their life together was clearly structured.
In the winter the children breakfasted in the kitchen; Gus and Charley and Anna first, while the younger children were dressing. Gus was nineteen and was a clerk in a dry-goods store. Charley, eighteen months younger, worked in a feed store. They left the house by the kitchen door at seven o’clock, and then Anna helped her Aunt Tillie get the breakfast for the younger ones. Without the help of this sister-in-law, Tillie Kronborg, Mrs. Kronborg’s life would have been a hard one. Mrs. Kronborg often reminded Anna that “no hired help would ever have taken the same interest.”
In the winter, the kids had breakfast in the kitchen; Gus, Charley, and Anna went first while the younger kids were getting dressed. Gus was nineteen and worked as a clerk in a dry-goods store. Charley, who was eighteen months younger, had a job at a feed store. They left the house through the kitchen door at seven o'clock, and then Anna helped her Aunt Tillie prepare breakfast for the younger ones. Without the support of her sister-in-law, Tillie Kronborg, Mrs. Kronborg's life would have been really difficult. Mrs. Kronborg often told Anna that “no hired help would ever have shown the same interest.”
Mr. Kronborg came of a poorer stock than his wife; from a lowly, ignorant family that had lived in a poor part of Sweden. His great-grandfather had gone to Norway to work as a farm laborer and had married a Norwegian girl. This strain of Norwegian blood came out somewhere in each generation of the Kronborgs. The intemperance of one of Peter Kronborg’s uncles, and the religious mania of another, had been alike charged to the Norwegian grandmother. Both Peter Kronborg and his sister Tillie were more like the Norwegian root of the family than like the Swedish, and this same Norwegian strain was strong in Thea, though in her it took a very different character.
Mr. Kronborg came from a poorer background than his wife; he hailed from a lowly, uneducated family that had lived in a poor area of Sweden. His great-grandfather had moved to Norway to work as a farm laborer and married a Norwegian woman. This thread of Norwegian ancestry showed up in each generation of the Kronborgs. The drinking issues of one of Peter Kronborg’s uncles and the extreme religious beliefs of another were both attributed to the Norwegian grandmother. Both Peter Kronborg and his sister Tillie were more influenced by the Norwegian side of the family than the Swedish, and this same Norwegian influence was strong in Thea, although it expressed itself very differently in her.
Tillie was a queer, addle-pated thing, as flighty as a girl at thirty-five, and overweeningly fond of gay clothes—which taste, as Mrs. Kronborg philosophically said, did nobody any harm. Tillie was always cheerful, and her tongue was still for scarcely a minute during the day. She had been cruelly overworked on her father’s Minnesota farm when she was a young girl, and she had never been so happy as she was now; had never before, as she said, had such social advantages. She thought her brother the most important man in Moonstone. She never missed a church service, and, much to the embarrassment of the children, she always “spoke a piece” at the Sunday-School concerts. She had a complete set of “Standard Recitations,” which she conned on Sundays. This morning, when Thea and her two younger brothers sat down to breakfast, Tillie was remonstrating with Gunner because he had not learned a recitation assigned to him for George Washington Day at school. The unmemorized text lay heavily on Gunner’s conscience as he attacked his buckwheat cakes and sausage. He knew that Tillie was in the right, and that “when the day came he would be ashamed of himself.”
Tillie was a quirky, scatterbrained person, as carefree as a girl at thirty-five, and way too fond of flashy clothes—which, as Mrs. Kronborg wisely said, didn’t hurt anyone. Tillie was always upbeat, and her chatter barely paused for a minute throughout the day. She had been harshly overworked on her father’s Minnesota farm as a young girl, and she had never felt as happy as she did now; she had never before, as she put it, had such social benefits. She considered her brother the most important person in Moonstone. She never missed a church service, and much to the embarrassment of the kids, she always did a "recitation" at the Sunday School concerts. She had a full set of "Standard Recitations," which she practiced on Sundays. This morning, when Thea and her two younger brothers sat down for breakfast, Tillie was scolding Gunner for not learning the recitation he was assigned for George Washington Day at school. The unlearned lines weighed heavily on Gunner’s mind as he dug into his buckwheat cakes and sausage. He knew Tillie was right and that “when the day came, he would feel ashamed of himself.”
“I don’t care,” he muttered, stirring his coffee; “they oughtn’t to make boys speak. It’s all right for girls. They like to show off.”
“I don’t care,” he muttered, stirring his coffee. “They shouldn’t make boys speak. It’s fine for girls. They like to show off.”
“No showing off about it. Boys ought to like to speak up for their country. And what was the use of your father buying you a new suit, if you’re not going to take part in anything?”
“No bragging about it. Boys should be proud to stand up for their country. And what's the point of your dad getting you a new suit if you’re not going to get involved in anything?”
“That was for Sunday-School. I’d rather wear my old one, anyhow. Why didn’t they give the piece to Thea?” Gunner grumbled.
“That was for Sunday school. I’d rather wear my old one, anyway. Why didn’t they give the piece to Thea?” Gunner complained.
Tillie was turning buckwheat cakes at the griddle. “Thea can play and sing, she don’t need to speak. But you’ve got to know how to do something, Gunner, that you have. What are you going to do when you git big and want to git into society, if you can’t do nothing? Everybody’ll say, ‘Can you sing? Can you play? Can you speak? Then git right out of society.’ An’ that’s what they’ll say to you, Mr. Gunner.”
Tillie was flipping buckwheat pancakes on the griddle. “Thea can play and sing; she doesn’t need to talk. But you’ve got to know how to do something, Gunner, and you do. What are you going to do when you get older and want to fit into society if you can’t do anything? Everyone will ask, ‘Can you sing? Can you play? Can you talk? Then get out of society!’ And that’s what they’ll say to you, Mr. Gunner.”
Gunner and Alex grinned at Anna, who was preparing her mother’s breakfast. They never made fun of Tillie, but they understood well enough that there were subjects upon which her ideas were rather foolish. When Tillie struck the shallows, Thea was usually prompt in turning the conversation.
Gunner and Alex smiled at Anna, who was getting her mom’s breakfast ready. They never poked fun at Tillie, but they were aware that there were topics where her views were pretty silly. When Tillie started to ramble, Thea was usually quick to change the subject.
“Will you and Axel let me have your sled at recess?” she asked.
“Will you and Axel let me borrow your sled at recess?” she asked.
“All the time?” asked Gunner dubiously.
“All the time?” Gunner asked skeptically.
“I’ll work your examples for you to-night, if you do.”
"I'll work on your examples tonight if you do."
“Oh, all right. There’ll be a lot of ’em.”
“Oh, fine. There’ll be a lot of them.”
“I don’t mind, I can work ’em fast. How about yours, Axel?”
“I don’t mind, I can get them done quickly. What about you, Axel?”
Axel was a fat little boy of seven, with pretty, lazy blue eyes. “I don’t care,” he murmured, buttering his last buckwheat cake without ambition; “too much trouble to copy ’em down. Jenny Smiley’ll let me have hers.”
Axel was a chubby seven-year-old with pretty, lazy blue eyes. “I don’t care,” he murmured, buttering his last buckwheat pancake without any enthusiasm; “it’s too much work to write them down. Jenny Smiley will let me borrow hers.”
The boys were to pull Thea to school on their sled, as the snow was deep. The three set off together. Anna was now in the high school, and she no longer went with the family party, but walked to school with some of the older girls who were her friends, and wore a hat, not a hood like Thea.
The boys were going to pull Thea to school on their sled since the snow was deep. The three of them set off together. Anna was now in high school, so she no longer joined the family group; instead, she walked to school with some older girls who were her friends and wore a hat instead of a hood like Thea.
IV
“And it was Summer, beautiful Summer!” Those were the closing words of Thea’s favorite fairy tale, and she thought of them as she ran out into the world one Saturday morning in May, her music book under her arm. She was going to the Kohlers’ to take her lesson, but she was in no hurry.
“And it was summer, beautiful summer!” Those were the last words of Thea’s favorite fairy tale, and she thought of them as she ran out into the world one Saturday morning in May, her music book tucked under her arm. She was headed to the Kohlers’ for her lesson, but she wasn’t in a rush.
It was in the summer that one really lived. Then all the little overcrowded houses were opened wide, and the wind blew through them with sweet, earthy smells of garden-planting. The town looked as if it had just been washed. People were out painting their fences. The cottonwood trees were a-flicker with sticky, yellow little leaves, and the feathery tamarisks were in pink bud. With the warm weather came freedom for everybody. People were dug up, as it were. The very old people, whom one had not seen all winter, came out and sunned themselves in the yard. The double windows were taken off the houses, the tormenting flannels in which children had been encased all winter were put away in boxes, and the youngsters felt a pleasure in the cool cotton things next their skin.
It was in the summer when life really happened. All the cramped little houses were thrown open, and the wind blew through them, carrying sweet, earthy scents of gardening. The town looked like it had just been cleaned. People were out painting their fences. The cottonwood trees were shimmering with sticky, yellow leaves, and the feathery tamarisks were budding pink. With the warm weather came freedom for everyone. People emerged, as if they had been dug up. The very old folks, who hadn’t been seen all winter, came out to bask in the sun in their yards. The double windows were taken off the houses, the annoying flannels that kids had worn all winter were stored away in boxes, and the little ones felt joy in the cool cotton against their skin.
Thea had to walk more than a mile to reach the Kohlers’ house, a very pleasant mile out of town toward the glittering sand hills,—yellow this morning, with lines of deep violet where the clefts and valleys were. She followed the sidewalk to the depot at the south end of the town; then took the road east to the little group of adobe houses where the Mexicans lived, then dropped into a deep ravine; a dry sand creek, across which the railroad track ran on a trestle. Beyond that gulch, on a little rise of ground that faced the open sandy plain, was the Kohlers’ house, where Professor Wunsch lived. Fritz Kohler was the town tailor, one of the first settlers. He had moved there, built a little house and made a garden, when Moonstone was first marked down on the map. He had three sons, but they now worked on the railroad and were stationed in distant cities. One of them had gone to work for the Santa Fé, and lived in New Mexico.
Thea had to walk over a mile to get to the Kohlers’ house, a really nice mile out of town toward the sparkling sand hills—yellow this morning, with deep violet streaks where the dips and valleys were. She followed the sidewalk to the train station at the south end of town, then took the road east to the cluster of adobe houses where the Mexicans lived, before dropping into a steep ravine; a dry sandy creek crossed here where the railroad track ran on a trestle. Beyond that gulch, on a small rise that faced the open sandy plain, was the Kohlers’ house, where Professor Wunsch lived. Fritz Kohler was the town tailor and one of the first settlers. He had moved there, built a small house, and started a garden when Moonstone was first marked on the map. He had three sons, but they worked on the railroad and were stationed in faraway cities. One of them had gone to work for the Santa Fé and lived in New Mexico.
Mrs. Kohler seldom crossed the ravine and went into the town except at Christmas-time, when she had to buy presents and Christmas cards to send to her old friends in Freeport, Illinois. As she did not go to church, she did not possess such a thing as a hat. Year after year she wore the same red hood in winter and a black sunbonnet in summer. She made her own dresses; the skirts came barely to her shoe-tops, and were gathered as full as they could possibly be to the waistband. She preferred men’s shoes, and usually wore the cast-offs of one of her sons. She had never learned much English, and her plants and shrubs were her companions. She lived for her men and her garden. Beside that sand gulch, she had tried to reproduce a bit of her own village in the Rhine Valley. She hid herself behind the growth she had fostered, lived under the shade of what she had planted and watered and pruned. In the blaze of the open plain she was stupid and blind like an owl. Shade, shade; that was what she was always planning and making. Behind the high tamarisk hedge, her garden was a jungle of verdure in summer. Above the cherry trees and peach trees and golden plums stood the windmill, with its tank on stilts, which kept all this verdure alive. Outside, the sage-brush grew up to the very edge of the garden, and the sand was always drifting up to the tamarisks.
Mrs. Kohler hardly ever crossed the ravine to go into town, except around Christmas, when she needed to buy gifts and Christmas cards to send to her old friends in Freeport, Illinois. Since she didn't go to church, she didn’t have a hat. Year after year, she wore the same red hood in winter and a black sunbonnet in summer. She made her own dresses; the skirts barely reached her shoe tops and were as full as possible at the waistband. She preferred men’s shoes and usually wore hand-me-downs from one of her sons. She hadn’t learned much English, and her plants and shrubs were her companions. She lived for her family and her garden. Next to that sand gulch, she tried to recreate a piece of her own village in the Rhine Valley. She hid behind the growth she had nurtured, living in the shade of what she had planted, watered, and pruned. In the bright openness of the plain, she felt stupid and blind like an owl. Shade—shade; that was her constant focus and creation. Behind the tall tamarisk hedge, her garden was a summer jungle of greenery. Above the cherry trees, peach trees, and golden plums stood the windmill, with its tank on stilts, which kept all that greenery alive. Outside, sagebrush grew right up to the edge of the garden, and the sand was always drifting toward the tamarisks.
Every one in Moonstone was astonished when the Kohlers took the wandering music-teacher to live with them. In seventeen years old Fritz had never had a crony, except the harness-maker and Spanish Johnny. This Wunsch came from God knew where,—followed Spanish Johnny into town when that wanderer came back from one of his tramps. Wunsch played in the dance orchestra, tuned pianos, and gave lessons. When Mrs. Kohler rescued him, he was sleeping in a dirty, unfurnished room over one of the saloons, and he had only two shirts in the world. Once he was under her roof, the old woman went at him as she did at her garden. She sewed and washed and mended for him, and made him so clean and respectable that he was able to get a large class of pupils and to rent a piano. As soon as he had money ahead, he sent to the Narrow Gauge lodging-house, in Denver, for a trunkful of music which had been held there for unpaid board. With tears in his eyes the old man—he was not over fifty, but sadly battered—told Mrs. Kohler that he asked nothing better of God than to end his days with her, and to be buried in the garden, under her linden trees. They were not American basswood, but the European linden, which has honey-colored blooms in summer, with a fragrance that surpasses all trees and flowers and drives young people wild with joy.
Everyone in Moonstone was shocked when the Kohlers invited the wandering music teacher to live with them. Seventeen-year-old Fritz had never had a close friend, except for the harness maker and Spanish Johnny. This Wunsch appeared out of nowhere, following Spanish Johnny into town when that wanderer returned from one of his trips. Wunsch played in the dance orchestra, tuned pianos, and gave lessons. When Mrs. Kohler rescued him, he was sleeping in a dirty, unfurnished room above one of the bars, and he only had two shirts to his name. Once he was under her roof, the old woman took care of him like she did with her garden. She sewed, washed, and repaired his clothes, making him so clean and respectable that he was able to attract a large class of students and rent a piano. As soon as he had some money saved up, he sent to the Narrow Gauge lodging house in Denver for a trunk full of music that had been held there for unpaid rent. With tears in his eyes, the old man—he wasn't over fifty, but he looked worn out—told Mrs. Kohler that he could wish for nothing more from God than to spend his last days with her and to be buried in her garden under the linden trees. They weren't American basswoods, but European lindens, which have honey-colored blooms in the summer, with a fragrance that surpasses all trees and flowers, driving young people wild with joy.
Thea was reflecting as she walked along that had it not been for Professor Wunsch she might have lived on for years in Moonstone without ever knowing the Kohlers, without ever seeing their garden or the inside of their house. Besides the cuckoo clock,—which was wonderful enough, and which Mrs. Kohler said she kept for “company when she was lonesome,”—the Kohlers had in their house the most wonderful thing Thea had ever seen—but of that later.
Thea was thinking as she walked along that if it weren't for Professor Wunsch, she might have spent years in Moonstone without ever knowing the Kohlers, without ever seeing their garden or going inside their house. Besides the cuckoo clock—which was amazing enough, and which Mrs. Kohler said she kept for “company when she was feeling lonely”—the Kohlers had the most incredible thing Thea had ever seen in their house—but more on that later.
Professor Wunsch went to the houses of his other pupils to give them their lessons, but one morning he told Mrs. Kronborg that Thea had talent, and that if she came to him he could teach her in his slippers, and that would be better. Mrs. Kronborg was a strange woman. That word “talent,” which no one else in Moonstone, not even Dr. Archie, would have understood, she comprehended perfectly. To any other woman there, it would have meant that a child must have her hair curled every day and must play in public. Mrs. Kronborg knew it meant that Thea must practice four hours a day. A child with talent must be kept at the piano, just as a child with measles must be kept under the blankets. Mrs. Kronborg and her three sisters had all studied piano, and all sang well, but none of them had talent. Their father had played the oboe in an orchestra in Sweden, before he came to America to better his fortunes. He had even known Jenny Lind. A child with talent had to be kept at the piano; so twice a week in summer and once a week in winter Thea went over the gulch to the Kohlers’, though the Ladies’ Aid Society thought it was not proper for their preacher’s daughter to go “where there was so much drinking.” Not that the Kohler sons ever so much as looked at a glass of beer. They were ashamed of their old folks and got out into the world as fast as possible; had their clothes made by a Denver tailor and their necks shaved up under their hair and forgot the past. Old Fritz and Wunsch, however, indulged in a friendly bottle pretty often. The two men were like comrades; perhaps the bond between them was the glass wherein lost hopes are found; perhaps it was common memories of another country; perhaps it was the grapevine in the garden—knotty, fibrous shrub, full of homesickness and sentiment, which the Germans have carried around the world with them.
Professor Wunsch visited the homes of his other students to give them their lessons, but one morning he told Mrs. Kronborg that Thea had talent, and that if she came to him, he could teach her in his slippers, which would be better. Mrs. Kronborg was a peculiar woman. The word “talent,” which no one else in Moonstone, not even Dr. Archie, would have understood, she understood perfectly. For any other woman there, it would have meant that a child needed to have her hair curled every day and must perform in public. Mrs. Kronborg knew it meant that Thea needed to practice four hours a day. A child with talent needed to stay at the piano, just like a child with measles needed to stay under the blankets. Mrs. Kronborg and her three sisters had all studied piano and sang well, but none of them had talent. Their father had played the oboe in an orchestra in Sweden before coming to America to improve his fortunes. He had even known Jenny Lind. A child with talent had to stay at the piano, so twice a week in summer and once a week in winter, Thea went over the gulch to the Kohlers’, even though the Ladies’ Aid Society thought it was improper for their preacher’s daughter to go “where there was so much drinking.” Not that the Kohler sons ever so much as looked at a glass of beer. They were embarrassed by their parents and left for the world as quickly as possible; they had their clothes made by a Denver tailor and trimmed their necks under their hair, forgetting the past. Old Fritz and Wunsch, however, often enjoyed a friendly drink together. The two men were like friends; perhaps the bond between them was the glasses in which lost hopes are found; perhaps it was shared memories of another country; perhaps it was the grapevine in the garden—gnarly, fibrous shrub, full of homesickness and sentiment, which Germans have carried around the world with them.
As Thea approached the house she peeped between the pink sprays of the tamarisk hedge and saw the Professor and Mrs. Kohler in the garden, spading and raking. The garden looked like a relief-map now, and gave no indication of what it would be in August; such a jungle! Pole beans and potatoes and corn and leeks and kale and red cabbage—there would even be vegetables for which there is no American name. Mrs. Kohler was always getting by mail packages of seeds from Freeport and from the old country. Then the flowers! There were big sunflowers for the canary bird, tiger lilies and phlox and zinnias and lady’s-slippers and portulaca and hollyhocks,—giant hollyhocks. Beside the fruit trees there was a great umbrella-shaped catalpa, and a balm-of-Gilead, two lindens, and even a ginka,—a rigid, pointed tree with leaves shaped like butterflies, which shivered, but never bent to the wind.
As Thea approached the house, she peeked through the pink sprays of the tamarisk hedge and saw the Professor and Mrs. Kohler in the garden, spading and raking. The garden looked like a relief map now and gave no hint of what it would be in August; such a jungle! Pole beans, potatoes, corn, leeks, kale, and red cabbage—there would even be vegetables that don’t have an American name. Mrs. Kohler was always getting packages of seeds by mail from Freeport and from the old country. Then there were the flowers! There were big sunflowers for the canary bird, tiger lilies, phlox, zinnias, lady's slippers, portulaca, and giant hollyhocks. Beside the fruit trees was a large umbrella-shaped catalpa, a balm-of-Gilead, two lindens, and even a ginkgo—a rigid, pointed tree with butterfly-shaped leaves that shivered but never bent to the wind.
This morning Thea saw to her delight that the two oleander trees, one white and one red, had been brought up from their winter quarters in the cellar. There is hardly a German family in the most arid parts of Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, but has its oleander trees. However loutish the American-born sons of the family may be, there was never one who refused to give his muscle to the back-breaking task of getting those tubbed trees down into the cellar in the fall and up into the sunlight in the spring. They may strive to avert the day, but they grapple with the tub at last.
This morning, Thea was delighted to see that the two oleander trees, one white and one red, had been taken out of their winter storage in the cellar. Nearly every German family in the driest areas of Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona has its own oleander trees. No matter how rough the American-born sons of the family might be, there’s never one who wouldn’t lend a hand to the grueling task of getting those potted trees down into the cellar in the fall and bringing them back out into the sunlight in the spring. They might try to put it off, but they ultimately get involved with the task.
When Thea entered the gate, her professor leaned his spade against the white post that supported the turreted dove-house, and wiped his face with his shirt-sleeve; someway he never managed to have a handkerchief about him. Wunsch was short and stocky, with something rough and bear-like about his shoulders. His face was a dark, bricky red, deeply creased rather than wrinkled, and the skin was like loose leather over his neck band—he wore a brass collar button but no collar. His hair was cropped close; iron-gray bristles on a bullet-like head. His eyes were always suffused and bloodshot. He had a coarse, scornful mouth, and irregular, yellow teeth, much worn at the edges. His hands were square and red, seldom clean, but always alive, impatient, even sympathetic.
When Thea walked through the gate, her professor leaned his spade against the white post that held up the turreted dove-house and wiped his face with his shirt sleeve; somehow, he never seemed to have a handkerchief on him. Wunsch was short and stocky, with something rough and bear-like about his shoulders. His face was a dark, brick red, deeply creased rather than wrinkled, and the skin was loose like leather over his neck band—he wore a brass collar button but no collar. His hair was cropped short; iron-gray bristles on a bullet-shaped head. His eyes were always bloodshot and watery. He had a coarse, scornful mouth and irregular, yellow teeth, much worn at the edges. His hands were square and red, rarely clean, but always alive, impatient, even sympathetic.
“Morgen,” he greeted his pupil in a businesslike way, put on a black alpaca coat, and conducted her at once to the piano in Mrs. Kohler’s sitting-room. He twirled the stool to the proper height, pointed to it, and sat down in a wooden chair beside Thea.
Morning,” he greeted his student in a professional manner, put on a black alpaca coat, and immediately led her to the piano in Mrs. Kohler’s sitting room. He adjusted the stool to the right height, gestured toward it, and sat down in a wooden chair next to Thea.
“The scale of B flat major,” he directed, and then fell into an attitude of deep attention. Without a word his pupil set to work.
“The scale of B flat major,” he instructed, then assumed a posture of intense focus. Without saying a word, his student got to work.
To Mrs. Kohler, in the garden, came the cheerful sound of effort, of vigorous striving. Unconsciously she wielded her rake more lightly. Occasionally she heard the teacher’s voice. “Scale of E minor.... Weiter, weiter!... Immer I hear the thumb, like a lame foot. Weiter... weiter, once... Schön! The chords, quick!”
To Mrs. Kohler, in the garden, came the cheerful sound of hard work, of energetic striving. Without realizing it, she used her rake more gently. From time to time, she heard the teacher’s voice. “Scale of E minor.... Keep going, keep going!... Always I hear the thumb, like a limp foot. Keep going... keep going, once... Beautiful! The chords, quick!”
The pupil did not open her mouth until they began the second movement of the Clementi sonata, when she remonstrated in low tones about the way he had marked the fingering of a passage.
The student didn’t say anything until they started the second movement of the Clementi sonata, when she quietly complained about how he had notated the fingering for a section.
“It makes no matter what you think,” replied her teacher coldly. “There is only one right way. The thumb there. Ein, zwei, drei, vier,” etc. Then for an hour there was no further interruption.
“It doesn’t matter what you think,” her teacher replied coldly. “There’s only one correct way. The thumb there. One, two, three, four,” etc. Then for an hour, there was no more interruption.
At the end of the lesson Thea turned on her stool and leaned her arm on the keyboard. They usually had a little talk after the lesson.
At the end of the lesson, Thea turned on her stool and rested her arm on the keyboard. They usually had a little chat after the lesson.
Herr Wunsch grinned. “How soon is it you are free from school? Then we make ahead faster, eh?”
Herr Wunsch grinned. “When are you done with school? Then we can move ahead quicker, right?”
“First week in June. Then will you give me the ‘Invitation to the Dance’?”
“First week in June. So, will you give me the ‘Invitation to the Dance’?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It makes no matter. If you want him, you play him out of lesson hours.”
He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. If you want him, you bring him out during lesson hours.”
“All right.” Thea fumbled in her pocket and brought out a crumpled slip of paper. “What does this mean, please? I guess it’s Latin.”
"Okay." Thea rummaged in her pocket and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper. "What does this mean, please? I think it’s Latin."
Wunsch blinked at the line penciled on the paper. “Wherefrom you get this?” he asked gruffly.
Wunsch stared at the line written in pencil on the paper. “Where did you get this?” he asked tersely.
“Out of a book Dr. Archie gave me to read. It’s all English but that. Did you ever see it before?” she asked, watching his face.
“From a book Dr. Archie gave me to read. It's all English except for that. Have you ever seen it before?” she asked, watching his face.
“Yes. A long time ago,” he muttered, scowling. “Ovidius!” He took a stub of lead pencil from his vest pocket, steadied his hand by a visible effort, and under the words:
“Yes. A long time ago,” he muttered, frowning. “Ovidius!” He pulled a stub of lead pencil from his vest pocket, took a moment to steady his hand with visible effort, and wrote under the words:
“Lente currite, lente currite, noctis equi,”
“Run slowly, run slowly, horses of the night,”
he wrote in a clear, elegant Gothic hand,—
he wrote in a clear, elegant Gothic style,—
“Go slowly, go slowly, ye steeds of the night.”
“Slow down, slow down, you horses of the night.”
He put the pencil back in his pocket and continued to stare at the Latin. It recalled the poem, which he had read as a student, and thought very fine. There were treasures of memory which no lodging-house keeper could attach. One carried things about in one’s head, long after one’s linen could be smuggled out in a tuning-bag. He handed the paper back to Thea. “There is the English, quite elegant,” he said, rising.
He put the pencil back in his pocket and kept staring at the Latin. It reminded him of the poem he had read as a student, which he thought was really great. There were memories that no landlord could take away. You carried things in your head long after your belongings could be sneaked out in a bag. He handed the paper back to Thea. “Here’s the English, it’s quite elegant,” he said, standing up.
Mrs. Kohler stuck her head in at the door, and Thea slid off the stool. “Come in, Mrs. Kohler,” she called, “and show me the piece-picture.”
Mrs. Kohler peeked her head in through the door, and Thea got off the stool. “Come in, Mrs. Kohler,” she said, “and show me the picture piece.”
The old woman laughed, pulled off her big gardening gloves, and pushed Thea to the lounge before the object of her delight. The “piece-picture,” which hung on the wall and nearly covered one whole end of the room, was the handiwork of Fritz Kohler. He had learned his trade under an old-fashioned tailor in Magdeburg who required from each of his apprentices a thesis: that is, before they left his shop, each apprentice had to copy in cloth some well known German painting, stitching bits of colored stuff together on a linen background; a kind of mosaic. The pupil was allowed to select his subject, and Fritz Kohler had chosen a popular painting of Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow. The gloomy Emperor and his staff were represented as crossing a stone bridge, and behind them was the blazing city, the walls and fortresses done in gray cloth with orange tongues of flame darting about the domes and minarets. Napoleon rode his white horse; Murat, in Oriental dress, a bay charger. Thea was never tired of examining this work, of hearing how long it had taken Fritz to make it, how much it had been admired, and what narrow escapes it had had from moths and fire. Silk, Mrs. Kohler explained, would have been much easier to manage than woolen cloth, in which it was often hard to get the right shades. The reins of the horses, the wheels of the spurs, the brooding eyebrows of the Emperor, Murat’s fierce mustaches, the great shakos of the Guard, were all worked out with the minutest fidelity. Thea’s admiration for this picture had endeared her to Mrs. Kohler. It was now many years since she used to point out its wonders to her own little boys. As Mrs. Kohler did not go to church, she never heard any singing, except the songs that floated over from Mexican Town, and Thea often sang for her after the lesson was over. This morning Wunsch pointed to the piano.
The old woman laughed, took off her big gardening gloves, and guided Thea to the lounge to show her something delightful. The “piece-picture” hanging on the wall nearly covered one entire end of the room, and it was made by Fritz Kohler. He had learned his craft from an old-school tailor in Magdeburg, who required each apprentice to complete a thesis before leaving the shop: they had to recreate a well-known German painting in fabric, piecing together bits of colored material on a linen background—a sort of mosaic. The apprentice could choose their subject, and Fritz had picked a popular painting of Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow. The somber Emperor and his entourage were shown crossing a stone bridge, with the burning city behind them, its walls and fortifications made of gray cloth, with orange flames leaping around the domes and minarets. Napoleon was on his white horse; Murat, dressed in Oriental attire, rode a bay horse. Thea never tired of studying this work, hearing how long it took Fritz to create it, how much it was admired, and the close calls it had with moths and fire. Mrs. Kohler explained that silk would have been much easier to work with than wool, which often made it difficult to find the right shades. The reins of the horses, the wheels of the spurs, the Emperor’s furrowed brows, Murat’s fierce mustaches, and the tall shakos of the Guard were all rendered with incredible detail. Thea’s appreciation for this picture had won her a special place in Mrs. Kohler’s heart. It had been many years since she used to share its wonders with her own little boys. Since Mrs. Kohler didn’t go to church, she never heard any singing except for the songs that drifted over from Mexican Town, and Thea often sang for her after their lessons. This morning, Wunsch pointed to the piano.
“On Sunday, when I go by the church, I hear you sing something.”
“On Sunday, when I pass by the church, I hear you singing something.”
Thea obediently sat down on the stool again and began, “Come, ye Disconsolate.” Wunsch listened thoughtfully, his hands on his knees. Such a beautiful child’s voice! Old Mrs. Kohler’s face relaxed in a smile of happiness; she half closed her eyes. A big fly was darting in and out of the window; the sunlight made a golden pool on the rag carpet and bathed the faded cretonne pillows on the lounge, under the piece-picture. “Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal,” the song died away.
Thea obediently sat back down on the stool and began, “Come, ye Disconsolate.” Wunsch listened thoughtfully, his hands on his knees. What a lovely child’s voice! Old Mrs. Kohler's face softened into a smile of happiness; she partially closed her eyes. A large fly buzzed in and out of the window; the sunlight created a golden pool on the rag carpet and illuminated the faded cretonne pillows on the couch, under the framed picture. “Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal,” the song faded away.
“That is a good thing to remember,” Wunsch shook himself. “You believe that?” looking quizzically at Thea.
“That’s a good thing to remember,” Wunsch said, shaking himself. “You really believe that?” he asked, looking at Thea with a puzzled expression.
She became confused and pecked nervously at a black key with her middle finger. “I don’t know. I guess so,” she murmured.
She felt confused and nervously tapped on a black key with her middle finger. “I don’t know. I guess so,” she said quietly.
Her teacher rose abruptly. “Remember, for next time, thirds. You ought to get up earlier.”
Her teacher stood up quickly. “Just a reminder for next time, use thirds. You should wake up earlier.”
That night the air was so warm that Fritz and Herr Wunsch had their after-supper pipe in the grape arbor, smoking in silence while the sound of fiddles and guitars came across the ravine from Mexican Town. Long after Fritz and his old Paulina had gone to bed, Wunsch sat motionless in the arbor, looking up through the woolly vine leaves at the glittering machinery of heaven.
That night the air was so warm that Fritz and Herr Wunsch had their post-dinner pipe in the grape arbor, smoking quietly while the sounds of fiddles and guitars floated over from Mexican Town. Long after Fritz and his old Paulina had gone to bed, Wunsch sat still in the arbor, gazing up through the leafy vines at the sparkling stars above.
“Lente currite, noctis equi.”
"Run quickly, horse of night."
That line awoke many memories. He was thinking of youth; of his own, so long gone by, and of his pupil’s, just beginning. He would even have cherished hopes for her, except that he had become superstitious. He believed that whatever he hoped for was destined not to be; that his affection brought ill-fortune, especially to the young; that if he held anything in his thoughts, he harmed it. He had taught in music schools in St. Louis and Kansas City, where the shallowness and complacency of the young misses had maddened him. He had encountered bad manners and bad faith, had been the victim of sharpers of all kinds, was dogged by bad luck. He had played in orchestras that were never paid and wandering opera troupes which disbanded penniless. And there was always the old enemy, more relentless than the others. It was long since he had wished anything or desired anything beyond the necessities of the body. Now that he was tempted to hope for another, he felt alarmed and shook his head.
That line brought back a lot of memories. He was thinking about youth; his own, which felt like ages ago, and his pupil’s, which was just starting out. He might have even had high hopes for her, but he had grown superstitious. He believed that whatever he wished for was doomed not to happen; that his affection brought bad luck, especially to the young; that if he focused on something, he ended up harming it. He had taught in music schools in St. Louis and Kansas City, where the shallow and self-satisfied attitudes of the young women had driven him crazy. He had encountered rudeness and dishonesty, had been deceived by all sorts of con artists, and had been followed by misfortune. He had played in orchestras that never got paid and in traveling opera groups that broke up broke. And there was always the old enemy, more relentless than the rest. It had been a long time since he wished for anything or desired anything beyond the basic needs of life. Now that he felt tempted to hope for something more, he felt uneasy and shook his head.
It was his pupil’s power of application, her rugged will, that interested him. He had lived for so long among people whose sole ambition was to get something for nothing that he had learned not to look for seriousness in anything. Now that he by chance encountered it, it recalled standards, ambitions, a society long forgot. What was it she reminded him of? A yellow flower, full of sunlight, perhaps. No; a thin glass full of sweet-smelling, sparkling Moselle wine. He seemed to see such a glass before him in the arbor, to watch the bubbles rising and breaking, like the silent discharge of energy in the nerves and brain, the rapid florescence in young blood—Wunsch felt ashamed and dragged his slippers along the path to the kitchen, his eyes on the ground.
It was his student's dedication and strong will that caught his attention. He had spent so long around people whose only goal was to get something for nothing that he had stopped looking for seriousness in anything. Now that he unexpectedly found it, it brought back memories of standards, ambitions, and a society he’d long forgotten. What did she remind him of? Maybe a yellow flower, full of sunlight. No; a slender glass filled with sweet-smelling, sparkling Moselle wine. He could almost see such a glass before him in the garden, watching the bubbles rise and burst, like the quiet release of energy in the nerves and brain, the quick vitality in young blood—Wunsch felt ashamed and dragged his slippers along the path to the kitchen, his eyes fixed on the ground.
V
The children in the primary grades were sometimes required to make relief maps of Moonstone in sand. Had they used colored sands, as the Navajo medicine men do in their sand mosaics, they could easily have indicated the social classifications of Moonstone, since these conformed to certain topographical boundaries, and every child understood them perfectly.
The kids in elementary school were sometimes asked to make relief maps of Moonstone using sand. If they had used colored sands like the Navajo medicine men do in their sand art, they could have easily shown the social classifications of Moonstone, since these lined up with specific geographical features, and every kid understood them completely.
The main business street ran, of course, through the center of the town. To the west of this street lived all the people who were, as Tillie Kronborg said, “in society.” Sylvester Street, the third parallel with Main Street on the west, was the longest in town, and the best dwellings were built along it. Far out at the north end, nearly a mile from the court-house and its cottonwood grove, was Dr. Archie’s house, its big yard and garden surrounded by a white paling fence. The Methodist Church was in the center of the town, facing the court-house square. The Kronborgs lived half a mile south of the church, on the long street that stretched out like an arm to the depot settlement. This was the first street west of Main, and was built up only on one side. The preacher’s house faced the backs of the brick and frame store buildings and a draw full of sunflowers and scraps of old iron. The sidewalk which ran in front of the Kronborgs’ house was the one continuous sidewalk to the depot, and all the train men and roundhouse employees passed the front gate every time they came uptown. Thea and Mrs. Kronborg had many friends among the railroad men, who often paused to chat across the fence, and of one of these we shall have more to say.
The main business street went straight through the heart of the town. To the west of this street lived all the people who were, as Tillie Kronborg put it, “in society.” Sylvester Street, the third street parallel to Main Street on the west, was the longest in town, and the best homes were built along it. Far at the north end, almost a mile from the courthouse and its grove of cottonwood trees, was Dr. Archie’s house, with a big yard and garden surrounded by a white picket fence. The Methodist Church was located in the center of town, facing the courthouse square. The Kronborgs lived half a mile south of the church, on the long street that extended like an arm to the depot area. This was the first street west of Main, and it was only developed on one side. The preacher’s house looked out at the backs of the brick and wood store buildings and a ditch filled with sunflowers and scraps of old metal. The sidewalk in front of the Kronborgs’ house was the only continuous sidewalk to the depot, and all the train workers and roundhouse employees walked past their front gate every time they headed uptown. Thea and Mrs. Kronborg had many friends among the railroad workers, who often stopped to chat over the fence, and we’ll have more to say about one of them later.
In the part of Moonstone that lay east of Main Street, toward the deep ravine which, farther south, wound by Mexican Town, lived all the humbler citizens, the people who voted but did not run for office. The houses were little story-and-a-half cottages, with none of the fussy architectural efforts that marked those on Sylvester Street. They nestled modestly behind their cottonwoods and Virginia creeper; their occupants had no social pretensions to keep up. There were no half-glass front doors with doorbells, or formidable parlors behind closed shutters. Here the old women washed in the back yard, and the men sat in the front doorway and smoked their pipes. The people on Sylvester Street scarcely knew that this part of the town existed. Thea liked to take Thor and her express wagon and explore these quiet, shady streets, where the people never tried to have lawns or to grow elms and pine trees, but let the native timber have its way and spread in luxuriance. She had many friends there, old women who gave her a yellow rose or a spray of trumpet vine and appeased Thor with a cooky or a doughnut. They called Thea “that preacher’s girl,” but the demonstrative was misplaced, for when they spoke of Mr. Kronborg they called him “the Methodist preacher.”
In the part of Moonstone east of Main Street, near the deep ravine that wound by Mexican Town further south, lived the simpler citizens, the folks who voted but didn’t run for office. The houses were small one-and-a-half-story cottages, without the fancy architecture found on Sylvester Street. They sat modestly behind their cottonwoods and Virginia creeper; their residents had no social pretensions to uphold. There were no glass-front doors with doorbells or intimidating parlors behind closed shutters. Here, old women washed clothes in the backyard, and men relaxed in the front doorway, smoking their pipes. The people on Sylvester Street barely knew this part of town existed. Thea liked to take Thor and her express wagon to explore these quiet, shaded streets, where residents never bothered to have lawns or grow elm and pine trees but let the native trees flourish freely. She had many friends there, older women who would give her a yellow rose or a sprig of trumpet vine and would treat Thor to a cookie or a doughnut. They called Thea “that preacher’s girl,” but the emphasis was misplaced, as they referred to Mr. Kronborg simply as “the Methodist preacher.”
Dr. Archie was very proud of his yard and garden, which he worked himself. He was the only man in Moonstone who was successful at growing rambler roses, and his strawberries were famous. One morning when Thea was downtown on an errand, the doctor stopped her, took her hand and went over her with a quizzical eye, as he nearly always did when they met.
Dr. Archie took great pride in his yard and garden, which he tended to himself. He was the only person in Moonstone who successfully grew rambler roses, and his strawberries had a great reputation. One morning, while Thea was running an errand downtown, the doctor stopped her, took her hand, and looked her over with a curious gaze, as he usually did when they met.
“You haven’t been up to my place to get any strawberries yet, Thea. They’re at their best just now. Mrs. Archie doesn’t know what to do with them all. Come up this afternoon. Just tell Mrs. Archie I sent you. Bring a big basket and pick till you are tired.”
“You haven’t come by my place to get any strawberries yet, Thea. They’re at their best right now. Mrs. Archie doesn’t know what to do with all of them. Come over this afternoon. Just tell Mrs. Archie I sent you. Bring a big basket and pick until you’re tired.”
When she got home Thea told her mother that she didn’t want to go, because she didn’t like Mrs. Archie.
When she got home, Thea told her mom that she didn’t want to go because she didn’t like Mrs. Archie.
“She is certainly one queer woman,” Mrs. Kronborg assented, “but he’s asked you so often, I guess you’ll have to go this time. She won’t bite you.”
“She’s definitely a strange woman,” Mrs. Kronborg agreed, “but he’s asked you so many times, I guess you’ll have to go this time. She won’t hurt you.”
After dinner Thea took a basket, put Thor in his baby buggy, and set out for Dr. Archie’s house at the other end of town. As soon as she came within sight of the house, she slackened her pace. She approached it very slowly, stopping often to pick dandelions and sand-peas for Thor to crush up in his fist.
After dinner, Thea grabbed a basket, put Thor in his stroller, and headed over to Dr. Archie’s house on the other side of town. As soon as she saw the house, she slowed down. She walked toward it very slowly, frequently stopping to pick dandelions and sand-peas for Thor to crush in his hand.
It was his wife’s custom, as soon as Dr. Archie left the house in the morning, to shut all the doors and windows to keep the dust out, and to pull down the shades to keep the sun from fading the carpets. She thought, too, that neighbors were less likely to drop in if the house was closed up. She was one of those people who are stingy without motive or reason, even when they can gain nothing by it. She must have known that skimping the doctor in heat and food made him more extravagant than he would have been had she made him comfortable. He never came home for lunch, because she gave him such miserable scraps and shreds of food. No matter how much milk he bought, he could never get thick cream for his strawberries. Even when he watched his wife lift it from the milk in smooth, ivory-colored blankets, she managed, by some sleight-of-hand, to dilute it before it got to the breakfast table. The butcher’s favorite joke was about the kind of meat he sold Mrs. Archie. She felt no interest in food herself, and she hated to prepare it. She liked nothing better than to have Dr. Archie go to Denver for a few days—he often went chiefly because he was hungry—and to be left alone to eat canned salmon and to keep the house shut up from morning until night.
It was Dr. Archie's wife's routine to close all the doors and windows as soon as he left the house in the morning to keep the dust out, and to pull down the shades to prevent the sun from fading the carpets. She believed that neighbors were less likely to drop by if the house was shut tight. She was one of those people who were stingy for no real reason, even when it didn't benefit her at all. She must have realized that skimping on the doctor’s heat and food made him more extravagant than he would have been if she had made him comfortable. He never came home for lunch because she offered him such pathetic scraps to eat. No matter how much milk he bought, he could never get thick cream for his strawberries. Even when he watched his wife scoop it from the milk in smooth, ivory-colored layers, she somehow managed to dilute it before it reached the breakfast table. The butcher often joked about the kind of meat he sold Mrs. Archie. She had no interest in food herself, and she hated cooking. She preferred when Dr. Archie went to Denver for a few days—he often left mostly because he was hungry—so she could be alone to eat canned salmon and keep the house closed up from morning until night.
Mrs. Archie would not have a servant because, she said, “they ate too much and broke too much”; she even said they knew too much. She used what mind she had in devising shifts to minimize her housework. She used to tell her neighbors that if there were no men, there would be no housework. When Mrs. Archie was first married, she had been always in a panic for fear she would have children. Now that her apprehensions on that score had grown paler, she was almost as much afraid of having dust in the house as she had once been of having children in it. If dust did not get in, it did not have to be got out, she said. She would take any amount of trouble to avoid trouble. Why, nobody knew. Certainly her husband had never been able to make her out. Such little, mean natures are among the darkest and most baffling of created things. There is no law by which they can be explained. The ordinary incentives of pain and pleasure do not account for their behavior. They live like insects, absorbed in petty activities that seem to have nothing to do with any genial aspect of human life.
Mrs. Archie wouldn't hire a servant because, as she put it, “they ate too much and broke too much”; she even claimed they knew too much. She used what little cleverness she had to come up with ways to reduce her housework. She would tell her neighbors that if there were no men, there wouldn’t be any housework. When Mrs. Archie first got married, she was always anxious about the possibility of having children. Now that her worries about that had lessened, she was almost as scared of having dust in the house as she had once been of having children in it. If dust didn’t get in, it didn’t have to be cleaned out, she said. She would go to great lengths to avoid any hassle. Why, no one knew. Certainly, her husband had never been able to understand her. Such small, petty natures are among the most mysterious and perplexing of all creatures. There’s no clear reason for why they act the way they do. The usual motivations of pain and pleasure don’t explain their behavior. They live like insects, engrossed in trivial tasks that seem disconnected from any joyful aspect of human life.
Mrs. Archie, as Mrs. Kronborg said, “liked to gad.” She liked to have her house clean, empty, dark, locked, and to be out of it—anywhere. A church social, a prayer meeting, a ten-cent show; she seemed to have no preference. When there was nowhere else to go, she used to sit for hours in Mrs. Smiley’s millinery and notion store, listening to the talk of the women who came in, watching them while they tried on hats, blinking at them from her corner with her sharp, restless little eyes. She never talked much herself, but she knew all the gossip of the town and she had a sharp ear for racy anecdotes—“traveling men’s stories,” they used to be called in Moonstone. Her clicking laugh sounded like a typewriting machine in action, and, for very pointed stories, she had a little screech.
Mrs. Archie, as Mrs. Kronborg described her, “liked to hang out.” She enjoyed having her house clean, empty, dark, and locked, while she was out of it—anywhere. A church social, a prayer meeting, a ten-cent movie; she didn’t seem to care. When there wasn't anywhere else to go, she would spend hours in Mrs. Smiley’s millinery and notion store, listening to the conversations of the women who came in and watching them as they tried on hats, blinking at them from her corner with her sharp, restless little eyes. She didn’t talk much herself, but she knew all the town gossip and had a keen ear for juicy stories—“traveling men’s tales,” as they called them in Moonstone. Her clicking laugh sounded like a typewriter in motion, and for particularly pointed stories, she had a little screech.
Mrs. Archie had been Mrs. Archie for only six years, and when she was Belle White she was one of the “pretty” girls in Lansing, Michigan. She had then a train of suitors. She could truly remind Archie that “the boys hung around her.” They did. They thought her very spirited and were always saying, “Oh, that Belle White, she’s a case!” She used to play heavy practical jokes which the young men thought very clever. Archie was considered the most promising young man in “the young crowd,” so Belle selected him. She let him see, made him fully aware, that she had selected him, and Archie was the sort of boy who could not withstand such enlightenment. Belle’s family were sorry for him. On his wedding day her sisters looked at the big, handsome boy—he was twenty-four—as he walked down the aisle with his bride, and then they looked at each other. His besotted confidence, his sober, radiant face, his gentle, protecting arm, made them uncomfortable. Well, they were glad that he was going West at once, to fulfill his doom where they would not be onlookers. Anyhow, they consoled themselves, they had got Belle off their hands.
Mrs. Archie had only been Mrs. Archie for six years, and when she was Belle White, she was one of the “pretty” girls in Lansing, Michigan. At that time, she had a line of suitors. She could genuinely remind Archie that “the boys hung around her.” They did. They thought she was very lively and constantly said, “Oh, that Belle White, she’s something else!” She used to play elaborate practical jokes that the young men found very clever. Archie was seen as the most promising young man in “the young crowd,” so Belle chose him. She let him know, made him fully aware, that she had picked him, and Archie was the kind of guy who couldn’t resist such clarity. Belle’s family felt sorry for him. On his wedding day, her sisters looked at the big, handsome guy—he was twenty-four—as he walked down the aisle with his bride, then exchanged glances. His infatuated confidence, his serious, glowing face, his gentle, protective arm made them uneasy. Well, they were relieved he was heading West right away, to meet his fate where they wouldn’t have to witness it. Anyway, they comforted themselves with the fact that they had gotten Belle off their hands.
More than that, Belle seemed to have got herself off her hands. Her reputed prettiness must have been entirely the result of determination, of a fierce little ambition. Once she had married, fastened herself on some one, come to port,—it vanished like the ornamental plumage which drops away from some birds after the mating season. The one aggressive action of her life was over. She began to shrink in face and stature. Of her harum-scarum spirit there was nothing left but the little screech. Within a few years she looked as small and mean as she was.
More than that, Belle seemed to have freed herself from her own burdens. Her so-called beauty must have been entirely due to her determination and a fierce ambition. Once she got married, attached herself to someone, and settled down, it disappeared like the colorful feathers that some birds lose after mating season. The one bold thing she did in her life was done. She began to shrink in both appearance and presence. All that remained of her wild spirit was a little screech. Within a few years, she looked as small and insignificant as she truly was.
Thor’s chariot crept along. Thea approached the house unwillingly. She didn’t care about the strawberries, anyhow. She had come only because she did not want to hurt Dr. Archie’s feelings. She not only disliked Mrs. Archie, she was a little afraid of her. While Thea was getting the heavy baby-buggy through the iron gate she heard some one call, “Wait a minute!” and Mrs. Archie came running around the house from the back door, her apron over her head. She came to help with the buggy, because she was afraid the wheels might scratch the paint off the gateposts. She was a skinny little woman with a great pile of frizzy light hair on a small head.
Thor’s chariot slowly made its way. Thea approached the house with hesitation. She didn't really care about the strawberries anyway. She was only here because she didn’t want to hurt Dr. Archie’s feelings. Not only did she dislike Mrs. Archie, but she was also a bit scared of her. As Thea was maneuvering the heavy baby stroller through the iron gate, she heard someone call, “Wait a minute!” and Mrs. Archie came rushing around the house from the back door, her apron draped over her head. She came to assist with the stroller because she was worried the wheels might scratch the paint off the gateposts. She was a thin woman with a mass of frizzy light hair on a small head.
“Dr. Archie told me to come up and pick some strawberries,” Thea muttered, wishing she had stayed at home.
“Dr. Archie told me to come up and pick some strawberries,” Thea murmured, regretting that she hadn't stayed home.
Mrs. Archie led the way to the back door, squinting and shading her eyes with her hand. “Wait a minute,” she said again, when Thea explained why she had come.
Mrs. Archie led the way to the back door, squinting and shielding her eyes with her hand. “Hold on a minute,” she said again, when Thea explained why she was there.
She went into her kitchen and Thea sat down on the porch step. When Mrs. Archie reappeared she carried in her hand a little wooden butter-basket trimmed with fringed tissue paper, which she must have brought home from some church supper. “You’ll have to have something to put them in,” she said, ignoring the yawning willow basket which stood empty on Thor’s feet. “You can have this, and you needn’t mind about returning it. You know about not trampling the vines, don’t you?”
She went into her kitchen and Thea sat down on the porch step. When Mrs. Archie came back, she was holding a small wooden butter basket decorated with fringed tissue paper, which she must have taken home from some church dinner. “You’ll need something to put them in,” she said, overlooking the empty willow basket resting on Thor’s feet. “You can use this, and you don’t have to worry about bringing it back. You know not to trample the vines, right?”
Mrs. Archie went back into the house and Thea leaned over in the sand and picked a few strawberries. As soon as she was sure that she was not going to cry, she tossed the little basket into the big one and ran Thor’s buggy along the gravel walk and out of the gate as fast as she could push it. She was angry, and she was ashamed for Dr. Archie. She could not help thinking how uncomfortable he would be if he ever found out about it. Little things like that were the ones that cut him most. She slunk home by the back way, and again almost cried when she told her mother about it.
Mrs. Archie went back into the house, and Thea leaned down in the sand and picked a few strawberries. Once she was sure she wasn't going to cry, she tossed the little basket into the big one and ran Thor’s buggy along the gravel path and out of the gate as fast as she could push it. She was angry and felt ashamed for Dr. Archie. She couldn't help thinking how uncomfortable he would be if he ever found out about it. It was the little things like that that affected him the most. She snuck home by the back way and nearly cried again when she told her mother about it.
Mrs. Kronborg was frying doughnuts for her husband’s supper. She laughed as she dropped a new lot into the hot grease. “It’s wonderful, the way some people are made,” she declared. “But I wouldn’t let that upset me if I was you. Think what it would be to live with it all the time. You look in the black pocketbook inside my handbag and take a dime and go downtown and get an ice-cream soda. That’ll make you feel better. Thor can have a little of the ice-cream if you feed it to him with a spoon. He likes it, don’t you, son?” She stooped to wipe his chin. Thor was only six months old and inarticulate, but it was quite true that he liked ice-cream.
Mrs. Kronborg was frying doughnuts for her husband's dinner. She laughed as she dropped a new batch into the hot oil. "It's amazing how some people are made," she said. "But I wouldn’t let that stress me out if I were you. Just think about how tough it would be to deal with it all the time. You can look in the black wallet in my handbag, take a dime, and go downtown to get an ice cream soda. That’ll cheer you up. Thor can have a little ice cream if you feed it to him with a spoon. He likes it, right, buddy?" She bent down to wipe his chin. Thor was only six months old and couldn’t talk, but it was definitely true that he liked ice cream.
VI
Seen from a balloon, Moonstone would have looked like a Noah’s ark town set out in the sand and lightly shaded by gray-green tamarisks and cottonwoods. A few people were trying to make soft maples grow in their turfed lawns, but the fashion of planting incongruous trees from the North Atlantic States had not become general then, and the frail, brightly painted desert town was shaded by the light-reflecting, wind-loving trees of the desert, whose roots are always seeking water and whose leaves are always talking about it, making the sound of rain. The long porous roots of the cottonwood are irrepressible. They break into the wells as rats do into granaries, and thieve the water.
Seen from a balloon, Moonstone would have looked like a town resembling Noah's Ark, set in the sand and gently shaded by gray-green tamarisks and cottonwoods. A few people were trying to grow soft maples in their yards, but the trend of planting mismatched trees from the North Atlantic States hadn't caught on yet. The delicate, brightly painted desert town was instead shaded by the light-reflecting, wind-loving trees of the desert, whose roots are always searching for water and whose leaves seem to chatter about it, making the sound of rain. The long, porous roots of the cottonwood are relentless. They invade wells like rats burglarizing granaries, stealing the water.
The long street which connected Moonstone with the depot settlement traversed in its course a considerable stretch of rough open country, staked out in lots but not built up at all, a weedy hiatus between the town and the railroad. When you set out along this street to go to the station, you noticed that the houses became smaller and farther apart, until they ceased altogether, and the board sidewalk continued its uneven course through sunflower patches, until you reached the solitary, new brick Catholic Church. The church stood there because the land was given to the parish by the man who owned the adjoining waste lots, in the hope of making them more salable—“Farrier’s Addition,” this patch of prairie was called in the clerk’s office. An eighth of a mile beyond the church was a washout, a deep sand-gully, where the board sidewalk became a bridge for perhaps fifty feet. Just beyond the gully was old Uncle Billy Beemer’s grove,—twelve town lots set out in fine, well-grown cottonwood trees, delightful to look upon, or to listen to, as they swayed and rippled in the wind. Uncle Billy had been one of the most worthless old drunkards who ever sat on a store box and told filthy stories. One night he played hide-and-seek with a switch engine and got his sodden brains knocked out. But his grove, the one creditable thing he had ever done in his life, rustled on. Beyond this grove the houses of the depot settlement began, and the naked board walk, that had run in out of the sunflowers, again became a link between human dwellings.
The long street that connected Moonstone to the depot settlement ran through a fair bit of rough open land, marked out in lots but completely undeveloped, a weedy gap between the town and the railroad. As you started down this street toward the station, you could see the houses getting smaller and more spaced out until they disappeared completely, and the wooden sidewalk continued its bumpy path through patches of sunflowers until you reached the lone, new brick Catholic Church. The church was built there because the land was donated to the parish by the owner of the adjacent empty lots, hoping to make them more appealing to buyers—this stretch of prairie was recorded as “Farrier’s Addition” in the clerk’s office. A quarter mile past the church was a washout, a deep sand gully, where the wooden sidewalk turned into a bridge for about fifty feet. Just beyond the gully was old Uncle Billy Beemer’s grove—a dozen town lots filled with tall, healthy cottonwood trees, lovely to see and hear as they swayed and rustled in the wind. Uncle Billy had been one of the most useless old drunks ever to sit on a store box and tell dirty stories. One night, he played hide-and-seek with a switch engine and got his drunken brains knocked out. But his grove, the only decent thing he ever did in his life, continued to thrive. After this grove, the houses of the depot settlement began, and the bare wooden walk that had once run through the sunflowers became a connection between the homes again.
One afternoon, late in the summer, Dr. Howard Archie was fighting his way back to town along this walk through a blinding sandstorm, a silk handkerchief tied over his mouth. He had been to see a sick woman down in the depot settlement, and he was walking because his ponies had been out for a hard drive that morning.
One afternoon, late in the summer, Dr. Howard Archie was making his way back to town along this path through a blinding sandstorm, a silk handkerchief tied over his mouth. He had visited a sick woman in the depot settlement, and he was walking because his ponies had been worked hard that morning.
As he passed the Catholic Church he came upon Thea and Thor. Thea was sitting in a child’s express wagon, her feet out behind, kicking the wagon along and steering by the tongue. Thor was on her lap and she held him with one arm. He had grown to be a big cub of a baby, with a constitutional grievance, and he had to be continually amused. Thea took him philosophically, and tugged and pulled him about, getting as much fun as she could under her encumbrance. Her hair was blowing about her face, and her eyes were squinting so intently at the uneven board sidewalk in front of her that she did not see the doctor until he spoke to her.
As he walked past the Catholic Church, he saw Thea and Thor. Thea was sitting in a small kid's wagon, her feet behind her, kicking the wagon along and steering with the tongue. Thor was on her lap, and she held him with one arm. He had grown into a big baby, always needing entertainment, and she had to keep him amused constantly. Thea took it all in stride and pulled him around, trying to get as much enjoyment as she could despite the extra weight. Her hair was blowing around her face, and her eyes were narrowed in concentration on the bumpy wooden sidewalk ahead, so she didn't notice the doctor until he spoke to her.
“Look out, Thea. You’ll steer that youngster into the ditch.”
“Watch out, Thea. You’re going to drive that kid into the ditch.”
The wagon stopped. Thea released the tongue, wiped her hot, sandy face, and pushed back her hair. “Oh, no, I won’t! I never ran off but once, and then he didn’t get anything but a bump. He likes this better than a baby buggy, and so do I.”
The wagon came to a halt. Thea unlatched the tongue, wiped her sweaty, sandy face, and brushed her hair back. “Oh, no, I won’t! I only ran off once, and he didn’t get anything but a bump. He prefers this to a stroller, and so do I.”
“Are you going to kick that cart all the way home?”
“Are you really going to push that cart all the way home?”
“Of course. We take long trips; wherever there is a sidewalk. It’s no good on the road.”
“Of course. We go on long trips; anywhere there’s a sidewalk. It doesn’t work on the road.”
“Looks to me like working pretty hard for your fun. Are you going to be busy to-night? Want to make a call with me? Spanish Johnny’s come home again, all used up. His wife sent me word this morning, and I said I’d go over to see him to-night. He’s an old chum of yours, isn’t he?”
“Seems like you’re really putting in the effort for your fun. Are you going to be busy tonight? Want to join me for a call? Spanish Johnny’s back home again, all worn out. His wife told me this morning, and I said I’d go visit him tonight. He’s an old friend of yours, right?”
“Oh, I’m glad. She’s been crying her eyes out. When did he come?”
“Oh, I’m glad. She’s been crying a lot. When did he arrive?”
“Last night, on Number Six. Paid his fare, they tell me. Too sick to beat it. There’ll come a time when that boy won’t get back, I’m afraid. Come around to my office about eight o’clock,—and you needn’t bring that!”
“Last night, on Number Six. He paid his fare, or so they say. Too sick to run off. I’m worried there’ll be a time when that kid won’t come back. Swing by my office around eight o’clock,—and you don’t need to bring that!”
Thor seemed to understand that he had been insulted, for he scowled and began to kick the side of the wagon, shouting, “Go-go, go-go!” Thea leaned forward and grabbed the wagon tongue. Dr. Archie stepped in front of her and blocked the way. “Why don’t you make him wait? What do you let him boss you like that for?”
Thor seemed to get that he had been disrespected, because he frowned and started kicking the side of the wagon, yelling, “Go-go, go-go!” Thea leaned in and grabbed the wagon tongue. Dr. Archie stepped in front of her and blocked her path. “Why don’t you make him wait? Why do you let him control you like that?”
“If he gets mad he throws himself, and then I can’t do anything with him. When he’s mad he’s lots stronger than me, aren’t you, Thor?” Thea spoke with pride, and the idol was appeased. He grunted approvingly as his sister began to kick rapidly behind her, and the wagon rattled off and soon disappeared in the flying currents of sand.
“If he gets angry, he throws himself around, and then I can’t do anything with him. When he’s mad, he’s way stronger than me, right, Thor?” Thea said proudly, and the idol seemed satisfied. He grunted in approval as his sister started kicking quickly behind her, and the wagon rattled off, soon vanishing into the swirling sand.
That evening Dr. Archie was seated in his office, his desk chair tilted back, reading by the light of a hot coal-oil lamp. All the windows were open, but the night was breathless after the sandstorm, and his hair was moist where it hung over his forehead. He was deeply engrossed in his book and sometimes smiled thoughtfully as he read. When Thea Kronborg entered quietly and slipped into a seat, he nodded, finished his paragraph, inserted a bookmark, and rose to put the book back into the case. It was one out of the long row of uniform volumes on the top shelf.
That evening, Dr. Archie was sitting in his office, his desk chair tilted back, reading by the light of a hot kerosene lamp. All the windows were open, but the night was still after the sandstorm, and his hair was damp where it hung over his forehead. He was deeply absorbed in his book and occasionally smiled thoughtfully as he read. When Thea Kronborg entered quietly and took a seat, he nodded, finished his paragraph, placed a bookmark, and stood up to put the book back in its case. It was one of the many identical volumes on the top shelf.
“Nearly every time I come in, when you’re alone, you’re reading one of those books,” Thea remarked thoughtfully. “They must be very nice.”
“Almost every time I come in and you’re by yourself, you’re reading one of those books,” Thea said thoughtfully. “They must be really nice.”
The doctor dropped back into his swivel chair, the mottled volume still in his hand. “They aren’t exactly books, Thea,” he said seriously. “They’re a city.”
The doctor leaned back in his swivel chair, still holding the worn book. “They’re not exactly books, Thea,” he said seriously. “They’re a city.”
“A history, you mean?”
"Are you talking about history?"
“Yes, and no. They’re a history of a live city, not a dead one. A Frenchman undertook to write about a whole cityful of people, all the kinds he knew. And he got them nearly all in, I guess. Yes, it’s very interesting. You’ll like to read it some day, when you’re grown up.”
“Yes and no. They tell the story of a living city, not a dead one. A Frenchman set out to write about an entire city full of people, all the different types he encountered. And he included almost all of them, I suppose. Yes, it’s quite fascinating. You’ll enjoy reading it someday when you’re older.”
Thea leaned forward and made out the title on the back, “A Distinguished Provincial in Paris.”
Thea leaned forward and read the title on the back, “A Distinguished Provincial in Paris.”
“It doesn’t sound very interesting.”
“It doesn't sound very engaging.”
“Perhaps not, but it is.” The doctor scrutinized her broad face, low enough to be in the direct light from under the green lamp shade. “Yes,” he went on with some satisfaction, “I think you’ll like them some day. You’re always curious about people, and I expect this man knew more about people than anybody that ever lived.”
“Maybe not, but it is.” The doctor examined her wide face, positioned so that it was directly under the light from the green lamp shade. “Yes,” he continued with some satisfaction, “I believe you’ll appreciate them eventually. You’re always interested in people, and I imagine this man understood more about people than anyone else who’s ever lived.”
“City people or country people?”
"City folks or country folks?"
“Both. People are pretty much the same everywhere.”
“Both. People are basically the same everywhere.”
“Oh, no, they’re not. The people who go through in the dining-car aren’t like us.”
“Oh, no, they’re not. The people who pass through the dining car aren’t like us.”
“What makes you think they aren’t, my girl? Their clothes?”
“What makes you think they aren’t, my girl? Their clothes?”
Thea shook her head. “No, it’s something else. I don’t know.” Her eyes shifted under the doctor’s searching gaze and she glanced up at the row of books. “How soon will I be old enough to read them?”
Thea shook her head. “No, it’s something else. I don’t know.” Her eyes shifted under the doctor’s searching gaze, and she glanced up at the row of books. “How soon will I be old enough to read them?”
“Soon enough, soon enough, little girl.” The doctor patted her hand and looked at her index finger. “The nail’s coming all right, isn’t it? But I think that man makes you practice too much. You have it on your mind all the time.” He had noticed that when she talked to him she was always opening and shutting her hands. “It makes you nervous.”
“Soon enough, soon enough, little girl.” The doctor patted her hand and examined her index finger. “The nail’s growing back nicely, isn’t it? But I think that guy has you practicing too much. It’s always on your mind.” He noticed that whenever she spoke to him, she was constantly opening and closing her hands. “It makes you anxious.”
“No, he don’t,” Thea replied stubbornly, watching Dr. Archie return the book to its niche.
“No, he doesn't,” Thea replied stubbornly, watching Dr. Archie return the book to its spot.
He took up a black leather case, put on his hat, and they went down the dark stairs into the street. The summer moon hung full in the sky. For the time being, it was the great fact in the world. Beyond the edge of the town the plain was so white that every clump of sage stood out distinct from the sand, and the dunes looked like a shining lake. The doctor took off his straw hat and carried it in his hand as they walked toward Mexican Town, across the sand.
He picked up a black leather case, put on his hat, and they went down the dark stairs into the street. The summer moon was full in the sky. For now, it was the most important thing in the world. Beyond the edge of town, the plain was so bright that every patch of sage was clearly visible against the sand, and the dunes looked like a sparkling lake. The doctor took off his straw hat and held it in his hand as they walked toward Mexican Town, across the sand.
North of Pueblo, Mexican settlements were rare in Colorado then. This one had come about accidentally. Spanish Johnny was the first Mexican who came to Moonstone. He was a painter and decorator, and had been working in Trinidad, when Ray Kennedy told him there was a “boom” on in Moonstone, and a good many new buildings were going up. A year after Johnny settled in Moonstone, his cousin, Famos Serreños, came to work in the brickyard; then Serreños’ cousins came to help him. During the strike, the master mechanic put a gang of Mexicans to work in the roundhouse. The Mexicans had arrived so quietly, with their blankets and musical instruments, that before Moonstone was awake to the fact, there was a Mexican quarter; a dozen families or more.
North of Pueblo, Mexican communities were uncommon in Colorado back then. This one happened by chance. Spanish Johnny was the first Mexican to arrive in Moonstone. He was a painter and decorator, and had been working in Trinidad when Ray Kennedy let him know there was a "boom" happening in Moonstone, with many new buildings going up. A year after Johnny settled in Moonstone, his cousin, Famos Serreños, came to work at the brickyard; after that, Serreños’ cousins came to assist him. During the strike, the master mechanic assigned a group of Mexicans to work in the roundhouse. The Mexicans arrived so quietly, with their blankets and musical instruments, that before Moonstone even noticed, there was a Mexican neighborhood with a dozen families or more.
As Thea and the doctor approached the ’dobe houses, they heard a guitar, and a rich barytone voice—that of Famos Serreños—singing “La Golandrina.” All the Mexican houses had neat little yards, with tamarisk hedges and flowers, and walks bordered with shells or whitewashed stones. Johnny’s house was dark. His wife, Mrs. Tellamantez, was sitting on the doorstep, combing her long, blue-black hair. (Mexican women are like the Spartans; when they are in trouble, in love, under stress of any kind, they comb and comb their hair.) She rose without embarrassment or apology, comb in hand, and greeted the doctor.
As Thea and the doctor walked toward the adobe houses, they heard a guitar and a rich baritone voice—Famos Serreños—singing “La Golandrina.” All the Mexican houses had tidy little yards, with tamarisk hedges and flowers, and paths lined with shells or whitewashed stones. Johnny’s house was dark. His wife, Mrs. Tellamantez, was sitting on the doorstep, brushing her long, blue-black hair. (Mexican women are like Spartans; when they're in trouble, in love, or under stress, they brush and brush their hair.) She stood up without hesitation or apology, comb in hand, and greeted the doctor.
“Good-evening; will you go in?” she asked in a low, musical voice. “He is in the back room. I will make a light.” She followed them indoors, lit a candle and handed it to the doctor, pointing toward the bedroom. Then she went back and sat down on her doorstep.
“Good evening; are you coming in?” she asked in a soft, melodic voice. “He’s in the back room. I’ll turn on a light.” She stepped inside, lit a candle, and handed it to the doctor, indicating the bedroom. After that, she returned and sat down on her doorstep.
Dr. Archie and Thea went into the bedroom, which was dark and quiet. There was a bed in the corner, and a man was lying on the clean sheets. On the table beside him was a glass pitcher, half-full of water. Spanish Johnny looked younger than his wife, and when he was in health he was very handsome: slender, gold-colored, with wavy black hair, a round, smooth throat, white teeth, and burning black eyes. His profile was strong and severe, like an Indian’s. What was termed his “wildness” showed itself only in his feverish eyes and in the color that burned on his tawny cheeks. That night he was a coppery green, and his eyes were like black holes. He opened them when the doctor held the candle before his face.
Dr. Archie and Thea walked into the bedroom, which was dark and quiet. There was a bed in the corner, and a man was lying on the clean sheets. On the table next to him was a glass pitcher, half-full of water. Spanish Johnny looked younger than his wife, and when he was healthy he was very handsome: slender, golden-skinned, with wavy black hair, a round, smooth neck, white teeth, and intense black eyes. His profile was strong and sharp, like an Indian's. What was called his “wildness” showed only in his feverish eyes and in the flush on his tan cheeks. That night he looked coppery green, and his eyes were like black holes. He opened them when the doctor held the candle in front of his face.
“Mi testa!” he muttered, “mi testa,” doctor. “La fiebre!” Seeing the doctor’s companion at the foot of the bed, he attempted a smile. “Muchacha!” he exclaimed deprecatingly.
“My head!” he muttered, “my head,” doctor. “The fever!” Noticing the doctor’s companion at the foot of the bed, he tried to smile. “Girl!” he exclaimed modestly.
Dr. Archie stuck a thermometer into his mouth. “Now, Thea, you can run outside and wait for me.”
Dr. Archie put a thermometer in his mouth. “Now, Thea, you can go outside and wait for me.”
Thea slipped noiselessly through the dark house and joined Mrs. Tellamantez. The somber Mexican woman did not seem inclined to talk, but her nod was friendly. Thea sat down on the warm sand, her back to the moon, facing Mrs. Tellamantez on her doorstep, and began to count the moon flowers on the vine that ran over the house. Mrs. Tellamantez was always considered a very homely woman. Her face was of a strongly marked type not sympathetic to Americans. Such long, oval faces, with a full chin, a large, mobile mouth, a high nose, are not uncommon in Spain. Mrs. Tellamantez could not write her name, and could read but little. Her strong nature lived upon itself. She was chiefly known in Moonstone for her forbearance with her incorrigible husband.
Thea quietly moved through the dark house and joined Mrs. Tellamantez. The serious Mexican woman didn’t seem up for a chat, but she gave a friendly nod. Thea sat down on the warm sand, her back to the moon and facing Mrs. Tellamantez on her doorstep, and started counting the moon flowers on the vine that climbed over the house. Mrs. Tellamantez was often seen as a very plain woman. Her face was notably different from what Americans found appealing. Long, oval faces with a full chin, a large, expressive mouth, and a high nose are common in Spain. Mrs. Tellamantez couldn’t write her name and could read very little. Her strong character relied on itself. She was mainly known in Moonstone for her patience with her impossible husband.
Nobody knew exactly what was the matter with Johnny, and everybody liked him. His popularity would have been unusual for a white man, for a Mexican it was unprecedented. His talents were his undoing. He had a high, uncertain tenor voice, and he played the mandolin with exceptional skill. Periodically he went crazy. There was no other way to explain his behavior. He was a clever workman, and, when he worked, as regular and faithful as a burro. Then some night he would fall in with a crowd at the saloon and begin to sing. He would go on until he had no voice left, until he wheezed and rasped. Then he would play his mandolin furiously, and drink until his eyes sank back into his head. At last, when he was put out of the saloon at closing time, and could get nobody to listen to him, he would run away—along the railroad track, straight across the desert. He always managed to get aboard a freight somewhere. Once beyond Denver, he played his way southward from saloon to saloon until he got across the border. He never wrote to his wife; but she would soon begin to get newspapers from La Junta, Albuquerque, Chihuahua, with marked paragraphs announcing that Juan Tellamantez and his wonderful mandolin could be heard at the Jack Rabbit Grill, or the Pearl of Cadiz Saloon. Mrs. Tellamantez waited and wept and combed her hair. When he was completely wrung out and burned up,—all but destroyed,—her Juan always came back to her to be taken care of,—once with an ugly knife wound in the neck, once with a finger missing from his right hand,—but he played just as well with three fingers as he had with four.
Nobody really knew what was wrong with Johnny, but everyone liked him. His popularity was unusual for a white man, and it was unprecedented for a Mexican. His talents were his downfall. He had a high, shaky tenor voice, and he played the mandolin with incredible skill. Sometimes, he would go off the rails. There was no other way to explain his behavior. He was a skilled worker, and when he was on the job, he was as consistent and dependable as a donkey. Then, one night, he would end up with a crowd at the bar and start singing. He would keep going until he had no voice left, until he was wheezing and raspy. Then he would play his mandolin like a maniac and drink until his eyes sank deeply into his head. By the time the bar closed and nobody would listen to him anymore, he would run away—along the railroad tracks, straight across the desert. He always managed to hop on a freight train somewhere. Once he got beyond Denver, he played his way south from bar to bar until he crossed the border. He never wrote to his wife, but she would soon start receiving newspapers from La Junta, Albuquerque, and Chihuahua, with highlighted articles announcing that Juan Tellamantez and his amazing mandolin could be heard at the Jack Rabbit Grill or the Pearl of Cadiz Saloon. Mrs. Tellamantez waited and wept and combed her hair. When he was completely drained and burned out—almost destroyed—her Juan always came back to her for care—once with a nasty knife wound in his neck and once with a finger missing from his right hand—but he played just as well with three fingers as he had with four.
Public sentiment was lenient toward Johnny, but everybody was disgusted with Mrs. Tellamantez for putting up with him. She ought to discipline him, people said; she ought to leave him; she had no self-respect. In short, Mrs. Tellamantez got all the blame. Even Thea thought she was much too humble. To-night, as she sat with her back to the moon, looking at the moon flowers and Mrs. Tellamantez’s somber face, she was thinking that there is nothing so sad in the world as that kind of patience and resignation. It was much worse than Johnny’s craziness. She even wondered whether it did not help to make Johnny crazy. People had no right to be so passive and resigned. She would like to roll over and over in the sand and screech at Mrs. Tellamantez. She was glad when the doctor came out.
Public opinion was pretty easy on Johnny, but everyone was fed up with Mrs. Tellamantez for putting up with him. They said she should discipline him; she should leave him; she had no self-respect. In short, all the blame fell on Mrs. Tellamantez. Even Thea thought she was way too humble. Tonight, as she sat with her back to the moon, looking at the moon flowers and Mrs. Tellamantez’s gloomy face, she thought that nothing is as sad in the world as that kind of patience and resignation. It was way worse than Johnny’s craziness. She even wondered if it might be contributing to Johnny's madness. People shouldn’t be so passive and resigned. She wanted to roll around in the sand and scream at Mrs. Tellamantez. She felt relieved when the doctor came out.
The Mexican woman rose and stood respectful and expectant. The doctor held his hat in his hand and looked kindly at her.
The Mexican woman got up and stood there respectfully, waiting. The doctor held his hat in his hand and looked at her with kindness.
“Same old thing, Mrs. Tellamantez. He’s no worse than he’s been before. I’ve left some medicine. Don’t give him anything but toast water until I see him again. You’re a good nurse; you’ll get him out.” Dr. Archie smiled encouragingly. He glanced about the little garden and wrinkled his brows. “I can’t see what makes him behave so. He’s killing himself, and he’s not a rowdy sort of fellow. Can’t you tie him up someway? Can’t you tell when these fits are coming on?”
“Same old thing, Mrs. Tellamantez. He's not worse than usual. I've left some medicine. Don't give him anything except toast water until I see him again. You're a great nurse; you'll get him through this.” Dr. Archie smiled reassuringly. He looked around the small garden and furrowed his brows. “I don’t understand why he acts like this. He's harming himself, and he’s not a rowdy guy. Can't you secure him somehow? Can't you tell when these episodes are about to happen?”
Mrs. Tellamantez put her hand to her forehead. “The saloon, doctor, the excitement; that is what makes him. People listen to him, and it excites him.”
Mrs. Tellamantez placed her hand on her forehead. “The bar, doctor, the thrill; that’s what drives him. People pay attention to him, and it gives him a rush.”
The doctor shook his head. “Maybe. He’s too much for my calculations. I don’t see what he gets out of it.”
The doctor shook his head. “Maybe. He's beyond my calculations. I don’t understand what he gains from it.”
“He is always fooled,”—the Mexican woman spoke rapidly and tremulously, her long under lip quivering.
“He is always fooled,” the Mexican woman said quickly and nervously, her long bottom lip shaking.
“He is good at heart, but he has no head. He fools himself. You do not understand in this country, you are progressive. But he has no judgment, and he is fooled.” She stooped quickly, took up one of the white conch-shells that bordered the walk, and, with an apologetic inclination of her head, held it to Dr. Archie’s ear. “Listen, doctor. You hear something in there? You hear the sea; and yet the sea is very far from here. You have judgment, and you know that. But he is fooled. To him, it is the sea itself. A little thing is big to him.” She bent and placed the shell in the white row, with its fellows. Thea took it up softly and pressed it to her own ear. The sound in it startled her; it was like something calling one. So that was why Johnny ran away. There was something awe-inspiring about Mrs. Tellamantez and her shell.
“He’s a good person at heart, but he lacks common sense. He deceives himself. You don’t see it here; you’re forward-thinking. But he has no judgment, and he’s easily misled.” She quickly bent down, picked up one of the white conch shells that lined the path, and with a slight nod of her head, held it up to Dr. Archie’s ear. “Listen, doctor. Do you hear something in there? You hear the sea, even though the sea is far away. You have judgment, and you know that. But he’s deceived. To him, it’s the sea itself. A small thing feels significant to him.” She bent down and placed the shell back in line with the others. Thea picked it up gently and pressed it to her own ear. The sound in it surprised her; it was like something calling to her. So, that was why Johnny ran away. There was something awe-inspiring about Mrs. Tellamantez and her shell.
Thea caught Dr. Archie’s hand and squeezed it hard as she skipped along beside him back toward Moonstone. She went home, and the doctor went back to his lamp and his book. He never left his office until after midnight. If he did not play whist or pool in the evening, he read. It had become a habit with him to lose himself.
Thea grabbed Dr. Archie’s hand and squeezed it tightly as she skipped alongside him back toward Moonstone. She headed home, and the doctor returned to his lamp and his book. He never left his office until after midnight. If he didn’t play whist or pool in the evening, he read. It had become a routine for him to lose himself.
VII
Thea’s twelfth birthday had passed a few weeks before her memorable call upon Mrs. Tellamantez. There was a worthy man in Moonstone who was already planning to marry Thea as soon as she should be old enough. His name was Ray Kennedy, his age was thirty, and he was conductor on a freight train, his run being from Moonstone to Denver. Ray was a big fellow, with a square, open American face, a rock chin, and features that one would never happen to remember. He was an aggressive idealist, a freethinker, and, like most railroad men, deeply sentimental. Thea liked him for reasons that had to do with the adventurous life he had led in Mexico and the Southwest, rather than for anything very personal. She liked him, too, because he was the only one of her friends who ever took her to the sand hills. The sand hills were a constant tantalization; she loved them better than anything near Moonstone, and yet she could so seldom get to them. The first dunes were accessible enough; they were only a few miles beyond the Kohlers’, and she could run out there any day when she could do her practicing in the morning and get Thor off her hands for an afternoon. But the real hills—the Turquoise Hills, the Mexicans called them—were ten good miles away, and one reached them by a heavy, sandy road. Dr. Archie sometimes took Thea on his long drives, but as nobody lived in the sand hills, he never had calls to make in that direction. Ray Kennedy was her only hope of getting there.
Thea’s twelfth birthday had passed a few weeks before her memorable visit with Mrs. Tellamantez. There was a decent guy in Moonstone who was already planning to marry Thea as soon as she was old enough. His name was Ray Kennedy, he was thirty, and he worked as a conductor on a freight train that ran from Moonstone to Denver. Ray was a big guy, with a square, friendly American face, a strong chin, and features that you wouldn’t really remember. He was an ambitious idealist, a free thinker, and like most railroad workers, he was deeply sentimental. Thea liked him for reasons connected to the adventurous life he had lived in Mexico and the Southwest, rather than anything really personal. She also liked him because he was the only one of her friends who ever took her to the sand hills. The sand hills were a constant temptation; she loved them more than anything near Moonstone, yet she could rarely get there. The first dunes were close enough; they were just a few miles past the Kohlers’, and she could run out there any day when she could practice in the morning and get Thor out of her hair for an afternoon. But the real hills—the Turquoise Hills, as the Mexicans called them—were ten good miles away, and you reached them by a rough, sandy road. Dr. Archie sometimes took Thea on his long drives, but since nobody lived in the sand hills, he never had any reason to go that way. Ray Kennedy was her only chance of getting there.
This summer Thea had not been to the hills once, though Ray had planned several Sunday expeditions. Once Thor was sick, and once the organist in her father’s church was away and Thea had to play the organ for the three Sunday services. But on the first Sunday in September, Ray drove up to the Kronborgs’ front gate at nine o’clock in the morning and the party actually set off. Gunner and Axel went with Thea, and Ray had asked Spanish Johnny to come and to bring Mrs. Tellamantez and his mandolin. Ray was artlessly fond of music, especially of Mexican music. He and Mrs. Tellamantez had got up the lunch between them, and they were to make coffee in the desert.
This summer, Thea hadn’t been to the hills at all, even though Ray had planned several Sunday trips. One Sunday, Thor was sick, and another Sunday, the organist at her dad's church was away, so Thea had to play the organ for all three services. But on the first Sunday in September, Ray drove up to the Kronborgs' front gate at nine in the morning, and the group finally set off. Gunner and Axel went with Thea, and Ray invited Spanish Johnny to come along, bringing Mrs. Tellamantez and his mandolin. Ray had a genuine love for music, especially Mexican music. He and Mrs. Tellamantez put together the lunch together, and they were going to make coffee in the desert.
When they left Mexican Town, Thea was on the front seat with Ray and Johnny, and Gunner and Axel sat behind with Mrs. Tellamantez. They objected to this, of course, but there were some things about which Thea would have her own way. “As stubborn as a Finn,” Mrs. Kronborg sometimes said of her, quoting an old Swedish saying. When they passed the Kohlers’, old Fritz and Wunsch were cutting grapes at the arbor. Thea gave them a businesslike nod. Wunsch came to the gate and looked after them. He divined Ray Kennedy’s hopes, and he distrusted every expedition that led away from the piano. Unconsciously he made Thea pay for frivolousness of this sort.
When they left Mexican Town, Thea was in the front seat with Ray and Johnny, while Gunner and Axel sat in the back with Mrs. Tellamantez. They didn’t like it, of course, but there were some things Thea was determined to do her way. “As stubborn as a Finn,” Mrs. Kronborg would sometimes say about her, quoting an old Swedish saying. As they passed the Kohlers’, old Fritz and Wunsch were cutting grapes at the arbor. Thea gave them a professional nod. Wunsch walked to the gate and watched them leave. He sensed Ray Kennedy’s intentions and was suspicious of any outing that took them away from the piano. Unintentionally, he made Thea feel the consequences of this kind of frivolity.
As Ray Kennedy’s party followed the faint road across the sagebrush, they heard behind them the sound of church bells, which gave them a sense of escape and boundless freedom. Every rabbit that shot across the path, every sage hen that flew up by the trail, was like a runaway thought, a message that one sent into the desert. As they went farther, the illusion of the mirage became more instead of less convincing; a shallow silver lake that spread for many miles, a little misty in the sunlight. Here and there one saw reflected the image of a heifer, turned loose to live upon the sparse sand-grass. They were magnified to a preposterous height and looked like mammoths, prehistoric beasts standing solitary in the waters that for many thousands of years actually washed over that desert;—the mirage itself may be the ghost of that long-vanished sea. Beyond the phantom lake lay the line of many-colored hills; rich, sun-baked yellow, glowing turquoise, lavender, purple; all the open, pastel colors of the desert.
As Ray Kennedy’s group followed the faint road through the sagebrush, they heard the sound of church bells behind them, which gave them a sense of escape and unlimited freedom. Every rabbit that dashed across their path, every sage hen that flew up by the trail, felt like a fleeting thought, a message sent out into the desert. As they moved farther along, the illusion of the mirage became more convincing rather than less; a shallow silver lake stretched for miles, a little hazy in the sunlight. Here and there, one could see the reflection of a heifer, roaming free to graze on the sparse sand grass. They were exaggerated to a ridiculous height and looked like mammoths, ancient creatures standing alone in waters that, for thousands of years, had actually covered that desert;—the mirage itself could be the ghost of that long-gone sea. Beyond the phantom lake lay a line of multicolored hills; rich, sun-soaked yellow, glowing turquoise, lavender, purple; all the open, pastel shades of the desert.
After the first five miles the road grew heavier. The horses had to slow down to a walk and the wheels sank deep into the sand, which now lay in long ridges, like waves, where the last high wind had drifted it. Two hours brought the party to Pedro’s Cup, named for a Mexican desperado who had once held the sheriff at bay there. The Cup was a great amphitheater, cut out in the hills, its floor smooth and packed hard, dotted with sagebrush and greasewood.
After the first five miles, the road got rougher. The horses had to slow to a walk, and the wheels sank deep into the sand, which now formed long ridges like waves, shaped by the last strong wind. Two hours later, the group arrived at Pedro’s Cup, named after a Mexican outlaw who had once kept the sheriff at a distance there. The Cup was a large amphitheater carved into the hills, its floor flat and packed tightly, scattered with sagebrush and greasewood.
On either side of the Cup the yellow hills ran north and south, with winding ravines between them, full of soft sand which drained down from the crumbling banks. On the surface of this fluid sand, one could find bits of brilliant stone, crystals and agates and onyx, and petrified wood as red as blood. Dried toads and lizards were to be found there, too. Birds, decomposing more rapidly, left only feathered skeletons.
On both sides of the Cup, the yellow hills stretched north and south, with winding ravines in between, filled with soft sand that washed down from the crumbling banks. On the surface of this loose sand, you could find pieces of dazzling stones, crystals, agates, onyx, and petrified wood as red as blood. You could also find dried toads and lizards there. Birds decomposed more quickly, leaving behind only feathered skeletons.
After a little reconnoitering, Mrs. Tellamantez declared that it was time for lunch, and Ray took his hatchet and began to cut greasewood, which burns fiercely in its green state. The little boys dragged the bushes to the spot that Mrs. Tellamantez had chosen for her fire. Mexican women like to cook out of doors.
After a bit of exploring, Mrs. Tellamantez announced that it was time for lunch, and Ray grabbed his hatchet and started chopping greasewood, which burns really hot even when it's green. The little boys carried the bushes over to the place that Mrs. Tellamantez had picked for her fire. Mexican women enjoy cooking outdoors.
After lunch Thea sent Gunner and Axel to hunt for agates. “If you see a rattlesnake, run. Don’t try to kill it,” she enjoined.
After lunch, Thea sent Gunner and Axel to look for agates. “If you see a rattlesnake, run. Don’t try to kill it,” she instructed.
Gunner hesitated. “If Ray would let me take the hatchet, I could kill one all right.”
Gunner hesitated. “If Ray would let me take the hatchet, I could definitely kill one.”
Mrs. Tellamantez smiled and said something to Johnny in Spanish.
Mrs. Tellamantez smiled and spoke to Johnny in Spanish.
“Yes,” her husband replied, translating, “they say in Mexico, kill a snake but never hurt his feelings. Down in the hot country, muchacha,” turning to Thea, “people keep a pet snake in the house to kill rats and mice. They call him the house snake. They keep a little mat for him by the fire, and at night he curl up there and sit with the family, just as friendly!”
“Yes,” her husband replied, translating, “they say in Mexico, kill a snake but never hurt its feelings. Down in the hot country, muchacha,” turning to Thea, “people keep a pet snake in the house to kill rats and mice. They call him the house snake. They keep a little mat for him by the fire, and at night he curls up there and sits with the family, just as friendly!”
Gunner sniffed with disgust. “Well, I think that’s a dirty Mexican way to keep house; so there!”
Gunner sniffed in disgust. “Well, I think that’s a gross way to keep house; so there!”
Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “Perhaps,” he muttered. A Mexican learns to dive below insults or soar above them, after he crosses the border.
Johnny shrugged. “Maybe,” he said quietly. A Mexican learns to dive below insults or rise above them after crossing the border.
By this time the south wall of the amphitheater cast a narrow shelf of shadow, and the party withdrew to this refuge. Ray and Johnny began to talk about the Grand Canyon and Death Valley, two places much shrouded in mystery in those days, and Thea listened intently. Mrs. Tellamantez took out her drawn-work and pinned it to her knee. Ray could talk well about the large part of the continent over which he had been knocked about, and Johnny was appreciative.
By this time, the south wall of the amphitheater created a narrow strip of shadow, and the group moved to this refuge. Ray and Johnny started discussing the Grand Canyon and Death Valley, two places that were quite mysterious back then, and Thea listened closely. Mrs. Tellamantez took out her embroidery and pinned it to her knee. Ray was good at talking about the vast areas of the continent where he had traveled, and Johnny appreciated it.
“You been all over, pretty near. Like a Spanish boy,” he commented respectfully.
"You've been everywhere, almost. Like a Spanish guy," he remarked respectfully.
Ray, who had taken off his coat, whetted his pocketknife thoughtfully on the sole of his shoe. “I began to browse around early. I had a mind to see something of this world, and I ran away from home before I was twelve. Rustled for myself ever since.”
Ray, who had taken off his coat, sharpened his pocketknife thoughtfully on the sole of his shoe. “I started to look around early. I wanted to see something of this world, so I ran away from home before I turned twelve. I’ve been fending for myself ever since.”
“Ran away?” Johnny looked hopeful. “What for?”
“Ran away?” Johnny asked, sounding hopeful. “Why would they do that?”
“Couldn’t make it go with my old man, and didn’t take to farming. There were plenty of boys at home. I wasn’t missed.”
“Couldn’t get along with my dad, and I didn’t like farming. There were plenty of boys at home. I wasn’t missed.”
Thea wriggled down in the hot sand and rested her chin on her arm. “Tell Johnny about the melons, Ray, please do!”
Thea settled into the hot sand and rested her chin on her arm. “Ray, please tell Johnny about the melons!”
Ray’s solid, sunburned cheeks grew a shade redder, and he looked reproachfully at Thea. “You’re stuck on that story, kid. You like to get the laugh on me, don’t you? That was the finishing split I had with my old man, John. He had a claim along the creek, not far from Denver, and raised a little garden stuff for market. One day he had a load of melons and he decided to take ’em to town and sell ’em along the street, and he made me go along and drive for him. Denver wasn’t the queen city it is now, by any means, but it seemed a terrible big place to me; and when we got there, if he didn’t make me drive right up Capitol Hill! Pap got out and stopped at folkses houses to ask if they didn’t want to buy any melons, and I was to drive along slow. The farther I went the madder I got, but I was trying to look unconscious, when the end-gate came loose and one of the melons fell out and squashed. Just then a swell girl, all dressed up, comes out of one of the big houses and calls out, ‘Hello, boy, you’re losing your melons!’ Some dudes on the other side of the street took their hats off to her and began to laugh. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I grabbed the whip and lit into that team, and they tore up the hill like jack-rabbits, them damned melons bouncing out the back every jump, the old man cussin’ an’ yellin’ behind and everybody laughin’. I never looked behind, but the whole of Capitol Hill must have been a mess with them squashed melons. I didn’t stop the team till I got out of sight of town. Then I pulled up an’ left ’em with a rancher I was acquainted with, and I never went home to get the lickin’ that was waitin’ for me. I expect it’s waitin’ for me yet.”
Ray’s sunburned cheeks turned a bit redder as he looked at Thea with disapproval. “You're really hung up on that story, kid. You enjoy making me the punchline, don’t you? That was the final blow between me and my old man, John. He had a claim by the creek, not far from Denver, and grew some vegetables for sale. One day, he loaded up a bunch of melons and decided to drive to town to sell them on the street, and he made me go along to handle the wagon. Denver definitely wasn't the bustling city it is now, but it felt huge to me; and when we got there, he made me drive right up Capitol Hill! Dad got out and went to people’s houses to see if they wanted to buy any melons, while I was supposed to drive slowly. The further I went, the angrier I got, but I tried to keep my cool when suddenly the end-gate came loose and one of the melons fell out and smashed. Just then, a fancy girl, all dressed up, stepped out of one of the big houses and shouted, ‘Hey, boy, you're losing your melons!’ Some guys across the street tipped their hats to her and started laughing. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed the whip and urged the horses, and they shot up the hill like rabbits, those melons bouncing out the back with every jolt, my dad cursing and yelling behind me, while everyone laughed. I didn’t look back, but Capitol Hill must’ve looked like a disaster zone with all those squashed melons. I didn’t stop until I was out of sight of town. Then I pulled over and left them with a rancher I knew, and I never went home to face the beating that awaited me. I bet it’s still waiting for me.”
Thea rolled over in the sand. “Oh, I wish I could have seen those melons fly, Ray! I’ll never see anything as funny as that. Now, tell Johnny about your first job.”
Thea rolled over in the sand. “Oh, I wish I could have seen those melons fly, Ray! I’ll never see anything as funny as that. Now, tell Johnny about your first job.”
Ray had a collection of good stories. He was observant, truthful, and kindly—perhaps the chief requisites in a good story-teller. Occasionally he used newspaper phrases, conscientiously learned in his efforts at self-instruction, but when he talked naturally he was always worth listening to. Never having had any schooling to speak of, he had, almost from the time he first ran away, tried to make good his loss. As a sheep-herder he had worried an old grammar to tatters, and read instructive books with the help of a pocket dictionary. By the light of many camp-fires he had pondered upon Prescott’s histories, and the works of Washington Irving, which he bought at a high price from a book-agent. Mathematics and physics were easy for him, but general culture came hard, and he was determined to get it. Ray was a freethinker, and inconsistently believed himself damned for being one. When he was braking, down on the Santa Fé, at the end of his run he used to climb into the upper bunk of the caboose, while a noisy gang played poker about the stove below him, and by the roof-lamp read Robert Ingersoll’s speeches and “The Age of Reason.”
Ray had a great collection of stories. He was observant, honest, and kind—maybe the most important traits for a good storyteller. Sometimes he used phrases he picked up from newspapers, which he learned as part of his self-education, but when he spoke naturally, he was always interesting to listen to. Having had little formal schooling, he almost immediately after running away tried to make up for that gap. As a sheep herder, he wore out an old grammar book and read educational books with the help of a pocket dictionary. By the light of many campfires, he pondered Prescott’s histories and the works of Washington Irving, which he bought at a high price from a book agent. Mathematics and physics came easily to him, but gaining general knowledge was a challenge, and he was determined to achieve it. Ray was a freethinker and, somewhat inconsistently, believed himself to be damned for it. When he was braking down on the Santa Fé at the end of his run, he would climb into the upper bunk of the caboose, while a loud group played poker around the stove below him, and read Robert Ingersoll’s speeches and “The Age of Reason” by the light of the roof lamp.
Ray was a loyal-hearted fellow, and it had cost him a great deal to give up his God. He was one of the stepchildren of Fortune, and he had very little to show for all his hard work; the other fellow always got the best of it. He had come in too late, or too early, on several schemes that had made money. He brought with him from all his wanderings a good deal of information (more or less correct in itself, but unrelated, and therefore misleading), a high standard of personal honor, a sentimental veneration for all women, bad as well as good, and a bitter hatred of Englishmen. Thea often thought that the nicest thing about Ray was his love for Mexico and the Mexicans, who had been kind to him when he drifted, a homeless boy, over the border. In Mexico, Ray was Señor Ken-áy-dy, and when he answered to that name he was somehow a different fellow. He spoke Spanish fluently, and the sunny warmth of that tongue kept him from being quite as hard as his chin, or as narrow as his popular science.
Ray was a loyal guy, and it had cost him a lot to abandon his God. He was one of Fortune's stepchildren, and he didn’t have much to show for all his hard work; someone else always came out on top. He often arrived too late, or too early, for various money-making schemes. From all his travels, he brought back a lot of information (which was more or less correct but disconnected and therefore misleading), a strong sense of personal honor, a sentimental respect for all women, whether they were good or bad, and a deep-seated dislike for Englishmen. Thea often thought the best thing about Ray was his love for Mexico and the Mexicans, who had been kind to him when he wandered across the border as a homeless boy. In Mexico, Ray was Señor Ken-áy-dy, and when he responded to that name, he seemed like a different person. He spoke Spanish fluently, and the warm, sunny rhythm of that language softened him, making him less tough than his chin suggested, or less narrow than his popular science.
While Ray was smoking his cigar, he and Johnny fell to talking about the great fortunes that had been made in the Southwest, and about fellows they knew who had “struck it rich.”
While Ray was smoking his cigar, he and Johnny started talking about the huge fortunes that had been made in the Southwest, and about guys they knew who had “struck it rich.”
“I guess you been in on some big deals down there?” Johnny asked trustfully.
“I guess you've been involved in some big deals down there?” Johnny asked trustfully.
Ray smiled and shook his head. “I’ve been out on some, John. I’ve never been exactly in on any. So far, I’ve either held on too long or let go too soon. But mine’s coming to me, all right.” Ray looked reflective. He leaned back in the shadow and dug out a rest for his elbow in the sand. “The narrowest escape I ever had, was in the Bridal Chamber. If I hadn’t let go there, it would have made me rich. That was a close call.”
Ray smiled and shook his head. “I’ve been involved in some, John. I’ve never really been all in on any. So far, I’ve either held on too long or let go too soon. But the right one is coming my way, for sure.” Ray looked thoughtful. He leaned back in the shade and found a spot in the sand to rest his elbow. “The closest call I ever had was in the Bridal Chamber. If I hadn’t let go there, it would have made me rich. That was a near miss.”
Johnny looked delighted. “You don’ say! She was silver mine, I guess?”
Johnny looked thrilled. “No way! She was my silver mine, I guess?”
“I guess she was! Down at Lake Valley. I put up a few hundred for the prospector, and he gave me a bunch of stock. Before we’d got anything out of it, my brother-in-law died of the fever in Cuba. My sister was beside herself to get his body back to Colorado to bury him. Seemed foolish to me, but she’s the only sister I got. It’s expensive for dead folks to travel, and I had to sell my stock in the mine to raise the money to get Elmer on the move. Two months afterward, the boys struck that big pocket in the rock, full of virgin silver. They named her the Bridal Chamber. It wasn’t ore, you remember. It was pure, soft metal you could have melted right down into dollars. The boys cut it out with chisels. If old Elmer hadn’t played that trick on me, I’d have been in for about fifty thousand. That was a close call, Spanish.”
“I guess she was! Down at Lake Valley. I put up a few hundred for the prospector, and he gave me a bunch of stock. Before we got anything out of it, my brother-in-law died of the fever in Cuba. My sister was frantic to get his body back to Colorado to bury him. It seemed pointless to me, but she’s the only sister I have. It’s expensive for dead people to travel, and I had to sell my stock in the mine to raise the money to get Elmer moving. Two months later, the guys discovered that big pocket in the rock, filled with virgin silver. They named it the Bridal Chamber. It wasn’t ore, you know. It was pure, soft metal you could have melted right down into cash. The guys cut it out with chisels. If old Elmer hadn’t tricked me, I would have made about fifty thousand. That was a close call, Spanish.”
“I recollec’. When the pocket gone, the town go bust.”
“I remember. When the pocket's gone, the town goes bust.”
“You bet. Higher’n a kite. There was no vein, just a pocket in the rock that had sometime or another got filled up with molten silver. You’d think there would be more somewhere about, but nada. There’s fools digging holes in that mountain yet.”
“You bet. Higher than a kite. There was no vein, just a pocket in the rock that had at some point been filled with molten silver. You'd think there would be more around, but nothing. There are still idiots digging holes in that mountain.”
When Ray had finished his cigar, Johnny took his mandolin and began Kennedy’s favorite, “Ultimo Amor.” It was now three o’clock in the afternoon, the hottest hour in the day. The narrow shelf of shadow had widened until the floor of the amphitheater was marked off in two halves, one glittering yellow, and one purple. The little boys had come back and were making a robbers’ cave to enact the bold deeds of Pedro the bandit. Johnny, stretched gracefully on the sand, passed from “Ultimo Amor” to “Fluvia de Oro,” and then to “Noches de Algeria,” playing languidly.
When Ray finished his cigar, Johnny picked up his mandolin and started playing Kennedy’s favorite, “Ultimo Amor.” It was now three o’clock in the afternoon, the hottest part of the day. The narrow strip of shadow had spread out until the floor of the amphitheater was divided into two halves, one shining yellow and the other purple. The little boys had returned and were building a robbers’ cave to play out the daring adventures of Pedro the bandit. Johnny, lounging elegantly on the sand, moved from “Ultimo Amor” to “Fluvia de Oro,” and then to “Noches de Algeria,” playing in a relaxed manner.
Every one was busy with his own thoughts. Mrs. Tellamantez was thinking of the square in the little town in which she was born; of the white church steps, with people genuflecting as they passed, and the round-topped acacia trees, and the band playing in the plaza. Ray Kennedy was thinking of the future, dreaming the large Western dream of easy money, of a fortune kicked up somewhere in the hills,—an oil well, a gold mine, a ledge of copper. He always told himself, when he accepted a cigar from a newly married railroad man, that he knew enough not to marry until he had found his ideal, and could keep her like a queen. He believed that in the yellow head over there in the sand he had found his ideal, and that by the time she was old enough to marry, he would be able to keep her like a queen. He would kick it up from somewhere, when he got loose from the railroad.
Everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. Mrs. Tellamantez was reminiscing about the square in her small hometown; the white church steps where people would kneel as they walked by, the round-topped acacia trees, and the band playing in the plaza. Ray Kennedy was envisioning the future, dreaming the big Western dream of easy money, of striking it rich somewhere in the hills—a well, a gold mine, a copper deposit. He always reminded himself, whenever he accepted a cigar from a freshly married railroad man, that he was smart enough to wait until he found his ideal partner, someone he could treat like a queen. He believed that in the blonde girl over there in the sand, he had found her, and by the time she was old enough to marry, he would be able to support her like royalty. He was confident he would strike it rich when he got free from the railroad.
Thea, stirred by tales of adventure, of the Grand Canyon and Death Valley, was recalling a great adventure of her own. Early in the summer her father had been invited to conduct a reunion of old frontiersmen, up in Wyoming, near Laramie, and he took Thea along with him to play the organ and sing patriotic songs. There they stayed at the house of an old ranchman who told them about a ridge up in the hills called Laramie Plain, where the wagon-trails of the Forty-niners and the Mormons were still visible. The old man even volunteered to take Mr. Kronborg up into the hills to see this place, though it was a very long drive to make in one day. Thea had begged frantically to go along, and the old rancher, flattered by her rapt attention to his stories, had interceded for her.
Thea, inspired by stories of adventure, like those of the Grand Canyon and Death Valley, was remembering a great adventure of her own. Early in the summer, her dad had been invited to lead a reunion of old frontiersmen in Wyoming, near Laramie, and he took Thea with him to play the organ and sing patriotic songs. They stayed at the home of an old rancher who told them about a ridge in the hills called Laramie Plain, where the wagon trails of the Forty-niners and the Mormons were still visible. The old man even offered to take Mr. Kronborg up into the hills to see this place, even though it was a very long drive to make in one day. Thea had begged to go along, and the old rancher, pleased by her keen interest in his stories, had put in a good word for her.
They set out from Laramie before daylight, behind a strong team of mules. All the way there was much talk of the Forty-niners. The old rancher had been a teamster in a freight train that used to crawl back and forth across the plains between Omaha and Cherry Creek, as Denver was then called, and he had met many a wagon train bound for California. He told of Indians and buffalo, thirst and slaughter, wanderings in snowstorms, and lonely graves in the desert.
They left Laramie before sunrise, pulled by a strong team of mules. The entire journey was filled with discussions about the Forty-niners. The old rancher had been a teamster in a freight train that used to move slowly back and forth across the plains between Omaha and Cherry Creek, which is what Denver was called at the time, and he had come across many wagon trains heading to California. He shared stories of Indians and buffalo, thirst and violence, getting lost in snowstorms, and the lonely graves scattered across the desert.
The road they followed was a wild and beautiful one. It led up and up, by granite rocks and stunted pines, around deep ravines and echoing gorges. The top of the ridge, when they reached it, was a great flat plain, strewn with white boulders, with the wind howling over it. There was not one trail, as Thea had expected; there were a score; deep furrows, cut in the earth by heavy wagon wheels, and now grown over with dry, whitish grass. The furrows ran side by side; when one trail had been worn too deep, the next party had abandoned it and made a new trail to the right or left. They were, indeed, only old wagon ruts, running east and west, and grown over with grass. But as Thea ran about among the white stones, her skirts blowing this way and that, the wind brought to her eyes tears that might have come anyway. The old rancher picked up an iron ox-shoe from one of the furrows and gave it to her for a keepsake. To the west one could see range after range of blue mountains, and at last the snowy range, with its white, windy peaks, the clouds caught here and there on their spurs. Again and again Thea had to hide her face from the cold for a moment. The wind never slept on this plain, the old man said. Every little while eagles flew over.
The road they took was wild and beautiful. It went up and up, past granite rocks and stunted pines, around deep ravines and echoing gorges. When they reached the top of the ridge, they found a large flat plain covered in white boulders, with the wind howling through it. There wasn’t just one trail, as Thea thought there would be; there were many trails—deep grooves carved into the earth by heavy wagon wheels, now overgrown with dry, whitish grass. The grooves ran parallel; when one trail became too worn, the next group would abandon it and create a new path to the right or left. They were just old wagon ruts stretching east and west, now covered in grass. But as Thea ran around the white stones, her skirts blowing in the wind, tears filled her eyes, whether from the cold or not. The old rancher picked up an iron ox-shoe from one of the grooves and gave it to her as a keepsake. To the west, you could see range after range of blue mountains, finally leading to the snowy range with its white, windy peaks, the clouds clinging here and there to their sides. Again and again, Thea had to shield her face from the cold for a moment. The wind never stopped blowing on this plain, the old man mentioned. Eagles flew overhead now and then.
Coming up from Laramie, the old man had told them that he was in Brownsville, Nebraska, when the first telegraph wires were put across the Missouri River, and that the first message that ever crossed the river was “Westward the course of Empire takes its way.” He had been in the room when the instrument began to click, and all the men there had, without thinking what they were doing, taken off their hats, waiting bareheaded to hear the message translated. Thea remembered that message when she sighted down the wagon tracks toward the blue mountains. She told herself she would never, never forget it. The spirit of human courage seemed to live up there with the eagles. For long after, when she was moved by a Fourth-of-July oration, or a band, or a circus parade, she was apt to remember that windy ridge.
Coming up from Laramie, the old man told them that he was in Brownsville, Nebraska, when the first telegraph wires were strung across the Missouri River, and that the first message ever sent over the river was “Westward the course of Empire takes its way.” He was in the room when the device started clicking, and all the men there, without even thinking about it, took off their hats, waiting bareheaded to hear the message translated. Thea remembered that message when she looked down the wagon tracks toward the blue mountains. She promised herself she would never, ever forget it. The spirit of human courage seemed to soar up there with the eagles. Long after, when she was moved by a Fourth of July speech, a band, or a circus parade, she often thought of that windy ridge.
To-day she went to sleep while she was thinking about it. When Ray wakened her, the horses were hitched to the wagon and Gunner and Axel were begging for a place on the front seat. The air had cooled, the sun was setting, and the desert was on fire. Thea contentedly took the back seat with Mrs. Tellamantez. As they drove homeward the stars began to come out, pale yellow in a yellow sky, and Ray and Johnny began to sing one of those railroad ditties that are usually born on the Southern Pacific and run the length of the Santa Fé and the “Q” system before they die to give place to a new one. This was a song about a Greaser dance, the refrain being something like this:—
Today, she fell asleep while thinking about it. When Ray woke her up, the horses were hitched to the wagon, and Gunner and Axel were begging for a spot on the front seat. The air had cooled, the sun was setting, and the desert looked like it was on fire. Thea happily took the back seat with Mrs. Tellamantez. As they drove home, the stars began to appear, pale yellow in a yellow sky, and Ray and Johnny started to sing one of those railroad songs that usually originate on the Southern Pacific and travel along the Santa Fé and the "Q" system before fading away to make room for a new one. This was a song about a Greaser dance, the refrain being something like this:—
“Pedró, Pedró, swing high, swing low,
And it’s allamand left again;
For there’s boys that’s bold and there’s some that’s
cold,
But the góld boys come from Spain,
Oh, the góld boys come from Spain!”
“Pedro, Pedro, swing high, swing low,
And it’s allamand left again;
For there are bold boys and some that are cold,
But the gold boys come from Spain,
Oh, the gold boys come from Spain!”
VIII
Winter was long in coming that year. Throughout October the days were bathed in sunlight and the air was clear as crystal. The town kept its cheerful summer aspect, the desert glistened with light, the sand hills every day went through magical changes of color. The scarlet sage bloomed late in the front yards, the cottonwood leaves were bright gold long before they fell, and it was not until November that the green on the tamarisks began to cloud and fade. There was a flurry of snow about Thanksgiving, and then December came on warm and clear.
Winter took a long time to arrive that year. Throughout October, the days were filled with sunlight, and the air was crystal clear. The town maintained its cheerful summer vibe, the desert sparkled in the light, and the sand hills changed colors magically every day. The scarlet sage bloomed late in the front yards, the cottonwood leaves turned bright gold long before they fell, and it wasn't until November that the green on the tamarisks started to dull and fade. There was a flurry of snow around Thanksgiving, and then December arrived warm and clear.
Thea had three music pupils now, little girls whose mothers declared that Professor Wunsch was “much too severe.” They took their lessons on Saturday, and this, of course, cut down her time for play. She did not really mind this because she was allowed to use the money—her pupils paid her twenty-five cents a lesson—to fit up a little room for herself upstairs in the half-story. It was the end room of the wing, and was not plastered, but was snugly lined with soft pine. The ceiling was so low that a grown person could reach it with the palm of the hand, and it sloped down on either side. There was only one window, but it was a double one and went to the floor. In October, while the days were still warm, Thea and Tillie papered the room, walls and ceiling in the same paper, small red and brown roses on a yellowish ground. Thea bought a brown cotton carpet, and her big brother, Gus, put it down for her one Sunday. She made white cheesecloth curtains and hung them on a tape. Her mother gave her an old walnut dresser with a broken mirror, and she had her own dumpy walnut single bed, and a blue washbowl and pitcher which she had drawn at a church fair lottery. At the head of her bed she had a tall round wooden hat-crate, from the clothing store. This, standing on end and draped with cretonne, made a fairly steady table for her lantern. She was not allowed to take a lamp upstairs, so Ray Kennedy gave her a railroad lantern by which she could read at night.
Thea had three music students now, little girls whose moms said Professor Wunsch was “way too strict.” They had their lessons on Saturday, which, of course, cut into her playtime. She didn’t mind that much because she could use the money—her students paid her twenty-five cents a lesson—to set up a little room for herself upstairs in the half-story. It was the end room of the wing, not plastered, but cozy with soft pine lining. The ceiling was so low that an adult could reach it with their palm, and it sloped down on both sides. There was only one window, but it was a double that reached the floor. In October, while the days were still warm, Thea and Tillie papered the room, covering the walls and ceiling with the same paper, featuring small red and brown roses on a yellowish background. Thea bought a brown cotton carpet, and her older brother, Gus, installed it for her one Sunday. She made white cheesecloth curtains and hung them on a tape. Her mom gave her an old walnut dresser with a broken mirror, and she had her own short walnut single bed, along with a blue washbowl and pitcher that she won in a church fair lottery. At the head of her bed was a tall round wooden hat-crate from the clothing store. Standing on end and draped with cretonne, it served as a pretty sturdy table for her lantern. She wasn’t allowed to take a lamp upstairs, so Ray Kennedy gave her a railroad lantern to read by at night.
In winter this loft room of Thea’s was bitterly cold, but against her mother’s advice—and Tillie’s—she always left her window open a little way. Mrs. Kronborg declared that she “had no patience with American physiology,” though the lessons about the injurious effects of alcohol and tobacco were well enough for the boys. Thea asked Dr. Archie about the window, and he told her that a girl who sang must always have plenty of fresh air, or her voice would get husky, and that the cold would harden her throat. The important thing, he said, was to keep your feet warm. On very cold nights Thea always put a brick in the oven after supper, and when she went upstairs she wrapped it in an old flannel petticoat and put it in her bed. The boys, who would never heat bricks for themselves, sometimes carried off Thea’s, and thought it a good joke to get ahead of her.
In winter, Thea’s loft room was freezing, but against her mother’s and Tillie’s advice, she always left her window slightly open. Mrs. Kronborg claimed she “had no patience with American physiology,” even though the lessons about the harmful effects of alcohol and tobacco were fine for the boys. Thea asked Dr. Archie about the window, and he told her that a girl who sang always needed plenty of fresh air, or her voice would become raspy, and the cold would make her throat stiff. The important part, he said, was to keep her feet warm. On very cold nights, Thea would heat a brick in the oven after dinner, and when she went upstairs, she would wrap it in an old flannel petticoat and place it in her bed. The boys, who would never heat bricks for themselves, sometimes took Thea’s and thought it was a good joke to get one over on her.
When Thea first plunged in between her red blankets, the cold sometimes kept her awake for a good while, and she comforted herself by remembering all she could of “Polar Explorations,” a fat, calf-bound volume her father had bought from a book-agent, and by thinking about the members of Greely’s party: how they lay in their frozen sleeping-bags, each man hoarding the warmth of his own body and trying to make it last as long as possible against the on-coming cold that would be everlasting. After half an hour or so, a warm wave crept over her body and round, sturdy legs; she glowed like a little stove with the warmth of her own blood, and the heavy quilts and red blankets grew warm wherever they touched her, though her breath sometimes froze on the coverlid. Before daylight, her internal fires went down a little, and she often wakened to find herself drawn up into a tight ball, somewhat stiff in the legs. But that made it all the easier to get up.
When Thea first jumped into her red blankets, the cold sometimes kept her awake for a while, and she comforted herself by recalling everything she could about “Polar Explorations,” a thick, calf-bound book her dad had bought from a book agent, and by thinking about the members of Greely’s party: how they lay in their frozen sleeping bags, each man conserving the warmth of his own body and trying to make it last as long as possible against the relentless cold. After about half an hour, a warm wave spread over her body and her sturdy legs; she felt like a little stove, radiating warmth from her own blood, and the heavy quilts and red blankets grew warm wherever they touched her, even though her breath sometimes froze on the cover. Before dawn, her internal warmth faded a bit, and she often woke up to find herself curled up in a tight ball, somewhat stiff in her legs. But that made it all the easier to get up.
The acquisition of this room was the beginning of a new era in Thea’s life. It was one of the most important things that ever happened to her. Hitherto, except in summer, when she could be out of doors, she had lived in constant turmoil; the family, the day school, the Sunday-School. The clamor about her drowned the voice within herself. In the end of the wing, separated from the other upstairs sleeping-rooms by a long, cold, unfinished lumber room, her mind worked better. She thought things out more clearly. Pleasant plans and ideas occurred to her which had never come before. She had certain thoughts which were like companions, ideas which were like older and wiser friends. She left them there in the morning, when she finished dressing in the cold, and at night, when she came up with her lantern and shut the door after a busy day, she found them awaiting her. There was no possible way of heating the room, but that was fortunate, for otherwise it would have been occupied by one of her older brothers.
The acquisition of this room marked the start of a new chapter in Thea’s life. It was one of the most significant events she ever experienced. Up until then, except during the summer when she could be outside, she had been surrounded by constant chaos; the family, the day school, the Sunday School. The noise around her drowned out her inner voice. At the end of the wing, separated from the other upstairs bedrooms by a long, cold, unfinished storage room, her mind functioned better. She was able to think things through more clearly. Pleasant plans and ideas popped into her mind that had never occurred to her before. She had certain thoughts that felt like companions, ideas that were like older and wiser friends. She left them there in the morning after dressing in the cold, and at night, when she came up with her lantern and closed the door after a busy day, she found them waiting for her. There was no way to heat the room, but that turned out to be a good thing, as it meant one of her older brothers wouldn’t take it over.
From the time when she moved up into the wing, Thea began to live a double life. During the day, when the hours were full of tasks, she was one of the Kronborg children, but at night she was a different person. On Friday and Saturday nights she always read for a long while after she was in bed. She had no clock, and there was no one to nag her.
From the moment she moved into the wing, Thea started living a double life. During the day, when her hours were filled with activities, she was one of the Kronborg kids, but at night she transformed into someone else. On Friday and Saturday nights, she would read for a long time after getting into bed. She didn’t have a clock, and there was no one to bother her.
Ray Kennedy, on his way from the depot to his boardinghouse, often looked up and saw Thea’s light burning when the rest of the house was dark, and felt cheered as by a friendly greeting. He was a faithful soul, and many disappointments had not changed his nature. He was still, at heart, the same boy who, when he was sixteen, had settled down to freeze with his sheep in a Wyoming blizzard, and had been rescued only to play the losing game of fidelity to other charges.
Ray Kennedy, on his way from the depot to his boardinghouse, often looked up and saw Thea’s light on when the rest of the house was dark, which lifted his spirits like a friendly greeting. He was a loyal person, and despite many disappointments, he hadn’t changed. At heart, he was still the same boy who, at sixteen, had braved a Wyoming blizzard with his sheep and had been saved only to continue playing the losing game of loyalty to other duties.
Ray had no very clear idea of what might be going on in Thea’s head, but he knew that something was. He used to remark to Spanish Johnny, “That girl is developing something fine.” Thea was patient with Ray, even in regard to the liberties he took with her name. Outside the family, every one in Moonstone, except Wunsch and Dr. Archie, called her “Thee-a,” but this seemed cold and distant to Ray, so he called her “Thee.” Once, in a moment of exasperation, Thea asked him why he did this, and he explained that he once had a chum, Theodore, whose name was always abbreviated thus, and that since he was killed down on the Santa Fé, it seemed natural to call somebody “Thee.” Thea sighed and submitted. She was always helpless before homely sentiment and usually changed the subject.
Ray didn't have a clear understanding of what was on Thea’s mind, but he knew something was there. He often told Spanish Johnny, “That girl is really becoming something special.” Thea was patient with Ray, even when it came to the liberties he took with her name. Everyone in Moonstone, apart from Wunsch and Dr. Archie, called her “Thee-a,” but Ray thought that sounded cold and distant, so he called her “Thee.” Once, in a moment of frustration, Thea asked him why he did that, and he explained that he had a friend named Theodore whose name was always shortened like that, and since he was killed down on the Santa Fé, it felt natural to call someone “Thee.” Thea sighed and went along with it. She always felt powerless against simple sentiment and usually changed the subject.
It was the custom for each of the different Sunday Schools in Moonstone to give a concert on Christmas Eve. But this year all the churches were to unite and give, as was announced from the pulpits, “a semi-sacred concert of picked talent” at the opera house. The Moonstone Orchestra, under the direction of Professor Wunsch, was to play, and the most talented members of each Sunday School were to take part in the programme. Thea was put down by the committee “for instrumental.” This made her indignant, for the vocal numbers were always more popular. Thea went to the president of the committee and demanded hotly if her rival, Lily Fisher, were going to sing. The president was a big, florid, powdered woman, a fierce W.C.T.U. worker, one of Thea’s natural enemies. Her name was Johnson; her husband kept the livery stable, and she was called Mrs. Livery Johnson, to distinguish her from other families of the same surname. Mrs. Johnson was a prominent Baptist, and Lily Fisher was the Baptist prodigy. There was a not very Christian rivalry between the Baptist Church and Mr. Kronborg’s church.
It was the tradition for each of the different Sunday Schools in Moonstone to hold a concert on Christmas Eve. But this year, all the churches were coming together to present, as announced from the pulpits, “a semi-sacred concert of selected talent” at the opera house. The Moonstone Orchestra, led by Professor Wunsch, was set to play, and the most skilled members of each Sunday School were to participate in the program. Thea was signed up by the committee “for instrumental.” This infuriated her, as the vocal performances were always more popular. Thea approached the committee president and demanded angrily whether her rival, Lily Fisher, would be singing. The president was a large, flashy, powdered woman, a dedicated W.C.T.U. activist, one of Thea’s natural adversaries. Her name was Johnson; her husband ran the livery stable, and she was known as Mrs. Livery Johnson to differentiate her from other families with the same last name. Mrs. Johnson was a prominent Baptist, and Lily Fisher was the Baptist prodigy. There was a not-so-Christian rivalry between the Baptist Church and Mr. Kronborg’s church.
When Thea asked Mrs. Johnson whether her rival was to be allowed to sing, Mrs. Johnson, with an eagerness which told how she had waited for this moment, replied that “Lily was going to recite to be obliging, and to give other children a chance to sing.” As she delivered this thrust, her eyes glittered more than the Ancient Mariner’s, Thea thought. Mrs. Johnson disapproved of the way in which Thea was being brought up, of a child whose chosen associates were Mexicans and sinners, and who was, as she pointedly put it, “bold with men.” She so enjoyed an opportunity to rebuke Thea, that, tightly corseted as she was, she could scarcely control her breathing, and her lace and her gold watch chain rose and fell “with short, uneasy motion.” Frowning, Thea turned away and walked slowly homeward. She suspected guile. Lily Fisher was the most stuck-up doll in the world, and it was certainly not like her to recite to be obliging. Nobody who could sing ever recited, because the warmest applause always went to the singers.
When Thea asked Mrs. Johnson if her rival would be allowed to sing, Mrs. Johnson, with a keen eagerness that showed how long she had been waiting for this moment, replied that “Lily was going to recite to be nice and to give other kids a chance to sing.” As she delivered this jab, her eyes sparkled more than the Ancient Mariner’s, Thea thought. Mrs. Johnson disapproved of how Thea was being raised, of a child whose friends were Mexicans and troublemakers, and who was, as she pointedly put it, “too forward with men.” She relished the chance to criticize Thea so much that, tightly corseted as she was, she could barely control her breathing, and her lace and gold watch chain rose and fell “with short, uneasy motion.” Frowning, Thea turned away and walked slowly home. She suspected trickery. Lily Fisher was the most snobbish girl around, and it was definitely not like her to recite just to be nice. No one who could sing ever recited, because the biggest applause always went to the singers.
However, when the programme was printed in the Moonstone Gleam, there it was: “Instrumental solo, Thea Kronborg. Recitation, Lily Fisher.”
However, when the program was printed in the Moonstone Gleam, there it was: “Instrumental solo, Thea Kronborg. Recitation, Lily Fisher.”
Because his orchestra was to play for the concert, Mr. Wunsch imagined that he had been put in charge of the music, and he became arrogant. He insisted that Thea should play a “Ballade” by Reinecke. When Thea consulted her mother, Mrs. Kronborg agreed with her that the “Ballade” would “never take” with a Moonstone audience. She advised Thea to play “something with variations,” or, at least, “The Invitation to the Dance.”
Because his orchestra was set to perform at the concert, Mr. Wunsch thought he was in charge of the music, and he became cocky. He insisted that Thea should play a “Ballade” by Reinecke. When Thea talked to her mother, Mrs. Kronborg agreed that the “Ballade” would “never resonate” with a Moonstone audience. She suggested Thea play “something with variations,” or at least “The Invitation to the Dance.”
“It makes no matter what they like,” Wunsch replied to Thea’s entreaties. “It is time already that they learn something.”
“It doesn’t matter what they like,” Wunsch replied to Thea’s requests. “It’s time they learned something.”
Thea’s fighting powers had been impaired by an ulcerated tooth and consequent loss of sleep, so she gave in. She finally had the molar pulled, though it was a second tooth and should have been saved. The dentist was a clumsy, ignorant country boy, and Mr. Kronborg would not hear of Dr. Archie’s taking Thea to a dentist in Denver, though Ray Kennedy said he could get a pass for her. What with the pain of the tooth, and family discussions about it, with trying to make Christmas presents and to keep up her school work and practicing, and giving lessons on Saturdays, Thea was fairly worn out.
Thea’s ability to fight had been affected by an infected tooth and the resulting lack of sleep, so she finally gave in. She ended up having the molar extracted, even though it was a second tooth that should have been saved. The dentist was a clumsy, unskilled country guy, and Mr. Kronborg wouldn’t hear of Dr. Archie taking Thea to a dentist in Denver, even though Ray Kennedy said he could get a pass for her. With the pain from the tooth, family discussions about it, trying to make Christmas gifts, keeping up with her schoolwork, practicing, and giving lessons on Saturdays, Thea was completely worn out.
On Christmas Eve she was nervous and excited. It was the first time she had ever played in the opera house, and she had never before had to face so many people. Wunsch would not let her play with her notes, and she was afraid of forgetting. Before the concert began, all the participants had to assemble on the stage and sit there to be looked at. Thea wore her white summer dress and a blue sash, but Lily Fisher had a new pink silk, trimmed with white swansdown.
On Christmas Eve, she felt both nervous and excited. It was her first time performing in the opera house, and she had never had to face so many people before. Wunsch wouldn’t let her use her notes, and she was worried she might forget. Before the concert started, all the performers had to gather on the stage and sit there for everyone to see. Thea wore her white summer dress with a blue sash, but Lily Fisher had a new pink silk dress, trimmed with white swansdown.
The hall was packed. It seemed as if every one in Moonstone was there, even Mrs. Kohler, in her hood, and old Fritz. The seats were wooden kitchen chairs, numbered, and nailed to long planks which held them together in rows. As the floor was not raised, the chairs were all on the same level. The more interested persons in the audience peered over the heads of the people in front of them to get a good view of the stage. From the platform Thea picked out many friendly faces. There was Dr. Archie, who never went to church entertainments; there was the friendly jeweler who ordered her music for her,—he sold accordions and guitars as well as watches,—and the druggist who often lent her books, and her favorite teacher from the school. There was Ray Kennedy, with a party of freshly barbered railroad men he had brought along with him. There was Mrs. Kronborg with all the children, even Thor, who had been brought out in a new white plush coat. At the back of the hall sat a little group of Mexicans, and among them Thea caught the gleam of Spanish Johnny’s white teeth, and of Mrs. Tellamantez’s lustrous, smoothly coiled black hair.
The hall was crowded. It felt like everyone in Moonstone was there, even Mrs. Kohler in her hood and old Fritz. The seats were wooden kitchen chairs, numbered and nailed to long planks that held them together in rows. Since the floor wasn’t elevated, all the chairs were on the same level. The more curious people in the audience leaned over the heads of those in front of them to get a better view of the stage. From the platform, Thea recognized many friendly faces. There was Dr. Archie, who never attended church events; the friendly jeweler who ordered her music for her—he sold accordions and guitars as well as watches—and the druggist who often lent her books, along with her favorite teacher from school. There was Ray Kennedy, with a group of freshly barbered railroad men he had brought along. There was Mrs. Kronborg with all the kids, even Thor, who had been dressed in a new white plush coat. At the back of the hall sat a small group of Mexicans, and among them, Thea caught a glimpse of Spanish Johnny’s bright white teeth and Mrs. Tellamantez’s lustrous, smoothly coiled black hair.
After the orchestra played “Selections from Erminie,” and the Baptist preacher made a long prayer, Tillie Kronborg came on with a highly colored recitation, “The Polish Boy.” When it was over every one breathed more freely. No committee had the courage to leave Tillie off a programme. She was accepted as a trying feature of every entertainment. The Progressive Euchre Club was the only social organization in the town that entirely escaped Tillie. After Tillie sat down, the Ladies’ Quartette sang, “Beloved, it is Night,” and then it was Thea’s turn.
After the orchestra played “Selections from Erminie,” and the Baptist preacher led a lengthy prayer, Tillie Kronborg came out with a colorful recitation called “The Polish Boy.” When she finished, everyone relaxed a bit. No committee had the nerve to leave Tillie off a program. She was recognized as a challenging part of every event. The Progressive Euchre Club was the only social group in town that completely avoided Tillie. After Tillie finished, the Ladies’ Quartette sang “Beloved, it is Night,” and then it was Thea’s turn.
The “Ballade” took ten minutes, which was five minutes too long. The audience grew restive and fell to whispering. Thea could hear Mrs. Livery Johnson’s bracelets jangling as she fanned herself, and she could hear her father’s nervous, ministerial cough. Thor behaved better than any one else. When Thea bowed and returned to her seat at the back of the stage there was the usual applause, but it was vigorous only from the back of the house where the Mexicans sat, and from Ray Kennedy’s claqueurs. Any one could see that a good-natured audience had been bored.
The “Ballade” lasted ten minutes, which was five minutes too long. The audience became restless and started whispering. Thea could hear Mrs. Livery Johnson’s bracelets jangling as she fanned herself, and she could hear her father’s anxious, ministerial cough. Thor behaved better than anyone else. When Thea bowed and returned to her seat at the back of the stage, there was the usual applause, but it was only enthusiastic from the back of the house where the Mexicans sat, and from Ray Kennedy’s supporters. Anyone could see that a friendly audience had been bored.
Because Mr. Kronborg’s sister was on the programme, it had also been necessary to ask the Baptist preacher’s wife’s cousin to sing. She was a “deep alto” from McCook, and she sang, “Thy Sentinel Am I.” After her came Lily Fisher. Thea’s rival was also a blonde, but her hair was much heavier than Thea’s, and fell in long round curls over her shoulders. She was the angel-child of the Baptists, and looked exactly like the beautiful children on soap calendars. Her pink-and-white face, her set smile of innocence, were surely born of a color-press. She had long, drooping eyelashes, a little pursed-up mouth, and narrow, pointed teeth, like a squirrel’s.
Because Mr. Kronborg’s sister was on the program, they also had to ask the Baptist preacher’s wife’s cousin to sing. She was a “deep alto” from McCook, and she performed “Thy Sentinel Am I.” Next was Lily Fisher. Thea’s rival was also a blonde, but her hair was much thicker and fell in long, round curls over her shoulders. She was the angel-child of the Baptists and looked just like the beautiful children on soap calendars. Her pink-and-white face and her fixed smile of innocence seemed straight out of a color print. She had long, droopy eyelashes, a tiny pouted mouth, and narrow, pointed teeth like a squirrel’s.
Lily began:—
Lily started:—
“Rock of Ages, cleft for me, carelessly the maiden sang.”
“Rock of Ages, split for me, the girl sang casually.”
Thea drew a long breath. That was the game; it was a recitation and a song in one. Lily trailed the hymn through half a dozen verses with great effect. The Baptist preacher had announced at the beginning of the concert that “owing to the length of the programme, there would be no encores.” But the applause which followed Lily to her seat was such an unmistakable expression of enthusiasm that Thea had to admit Lily was justified in going back. She was attended this time by Mrs. Livery Johnson herself, crimson with triumph and gleaming-eyed, nervously rolling and unrolling a sheet of music. She took off her bracelets and played Lily’s accompaniment. Lily had the effrontery to come out with, “She sang the song of Home, Sweet Home, the song that touched my heart.” But this did not surprise Thea; as Ray said later in the evening, “the cards had been stacked against her from the beginning.” The next issue of the Gleam correctly stated that “unquestionably the honors of the evening must be accorded to Miss Lily Fisher.” The Baptists had everything their own way.
Thea took a deep breath. That was the performance; it was both a recitation and a song in one. Lily went through the hymn for half a dozen verses with great impact. The Baptist preacher had announced at the start of the concert that “due to the length of the program, there would be no encores.” But the applause that followed Lily to her seat was such a clear sign of enthusiasm that Thea had to admit Lily was right to go back. This time, she was accompanied by Mrs. Livery Johnson herself, flushed with triumph and shining-eyed, nervously rolling and unrolling a sheet of music. She took off her bracelets and played Lily’s accompaniment. Lily had the audacity to come out with, “She sang the song of Home, Sweet Home, the song that moved my heart.” But this didn’t surprise Thea; as Ray said later that evening, “the cards had been stacked against her from the start.” The next issue of the Gleam accurately stated that “undoubtedly the honors of the evening must go to Miss Lily Fisher.” The Baptists had everything their way.
After the concert Ray Kennedy joined the Kronborgs’ party and walked home with them. Thea was grateful for his silent sympathy, even while it irritated her. She inwardly vowed that she would never take another lesson from old Wunsch. She wished that her father would not keep cheerfully singing, “When Shepherds Watched,” as he marched ahead, carrying Thor. She felt that silence would become the Kronborgs for a while. As a family, they somehow seemed a little ridiculous, trooping along in the starlight. There were so many of them, for one thing. Then Tillie was so absurd. She was giggling and talking to Anna just as if she had not made, as even Mrs. Kronborg admitted, an exhibition of herself.
After the concert, Ray Kennedy joined the Kronborgs' party and walked home with them. Thea appreciated his quiet support, even though it annoyed her. She promised herself that she would never take another lesson from old Wunsch. She wished her dad would stop happily singing, “When Shepherds Watched,” as he walked ahead, carrying Thor. She felt that the Kronborgs needed some silence for a while. As a family, they somehow seemed a bit silly, walking along in the starlight. For one thing, there were so many of them. And then Tillie was so ridiculous. She was giggling and chatting with Anna as if she hadn’t just made, as even Mrs. Kronborg admitted, a spectacle of herself.
When they got home, Ray took a box from his overcoat pocket and slipped it into Thea’s hand as he said goodnight. They all hurried in to the glowing stove in the parlor. The sleepy children were sent to bed. Mrs. Kronborg and Anna stayed up to fill the stockings.
When they got home, Ray pulled a box from his overcoat pocket and handed it to Thea as he said goodnight. They quickly went to the warm stove in the living room. The sleepy kids were sent to bed. Mrs. Kronborg and Anna stayed up to stuff the stockings.
“I guess you’re tired, Thea. You needn’t stay up.” Mrs. Kronborg’s clear and seemingly indifferent eye usually measured Thea pretty accurately.
“I guess you’re tired, Thea. You don’t have to stay up.” Mrs. Kronborg’s clear and seemingly indifferent gaze usually assessed Thea pretty accurately.
Thea hesitated. She glanced at the presents laid out on the dining-room table, but they looked unattractive. Even the brown plush monkey she had bought for Thor with such enthusiasm seemed to have lost his wise and humorous expression. She murmured, “All right,” to her mother, lit her lantern, and went upstairs.
Thea hesitated. She looked at the presents spread out on the dining room table, but they seemed unappealing. Even the brown plush monkey she had bought for Thor with so much excitement seemed to have lost his wise and funny expression. She murmured, “All right,” to her mom, lit her lantern, and went upstairs.
Ray’s box contained a hand-painted white satin fan, with pond lilies—an unfortunate reminder. Thea smiled grimly and tossed it into her upper drawer. She was not to be consoled by toys. She undressed quickly and stood for some time in the cold, frowning in the broken looking glass at her flaxen pig-tails, at her white neck and arms. Her own broad, resolute face set its chin at her, her eyes flashed into her own defiantly. Lily Fisher was pretty, and she was willing to be just as big a fool as people wanted her to be. Very well; Thea Kronborg wasn’t. She would rather be hated than be stupid, any day. She popped into bed and read stubbornly at a queer paper book the drug-store man had given her because he couldn’t sell it. She had trained herself to put her mind on what she was doing, otherwise she would have come to grief with her complicated daily schedule. She read, as intently as if she had not been flushed with anger, the strange “Musical Memories” of the Reverend H. R. Haweis. At last she blew out the lantern and went to sleep. She had many curious dreams that night. In one of them Mrs. Tellamantez held her shell to Thea’s ear, and she heard the roaring, as before, and distant voices calling, “Lily Fisher! Lily Fisher!”
Ray’s box had a hand-painted white satin fan with pond lilies—an unfortunate reminder. Thea smiled grimly and tossed it into her top drawer. She wasn't going to be comforted by trinkets. She quickly took off her clothes and stood for a while in the cold, frowning at her flaxen pig-tails and her pale neck and arms in the cracked mirror. Her own broad, determined face stared back at her, her eyes flashing defiantly. Lily Fisher was pretty, and she was willing to be as much of a fool as people wanted her to be. Fine; Thea Kronborg wasn’t. She would rather be hated than be stupid any day. She jumped into bed and stubbornly read a strange paper book the drugstore guy had given her because he couldn't sell it. She had trained herself to focus on what she was doing; otherwise, she would have messed up her complicated daily schedule. She read, completely immersed, as if she hadn’t been simmering with anger, the unusual "Musical Memories" by Reverend H. R. Haweis. Finally, she blew out the lantern and went to sleep. She had many strange dreams that night. In one of them, Mrs. Tellamantez held her shell to Thea’s ear, and she heard the roaring again and distant voices calling, “Lily Fisher! Lily Fisher!”
IX
Mr. Kronborg considered Thea a remarkable child; but so were all his children remarkable. If one of the business men downtown remarked to him that he “had a mighty bright little girl, there,” he admitted it, and at once began to explain what a “long head for business” his son Gus had, or that Charley was “a natural electrician,” and had put in a telephone from the house to the preacher’s study behind the church.
Mr. Kronborg thought Thea was an impressive kid; but all his kids were impressive. If a businessman downtown mentioned that he “had a really smart little girl there,” he agreed and immediately started to explain how his son Gus had “a great head for business” or that Charley was “a natural electrician” and had installed a phone from their house to the preacher’s study behind the church.
Mrs. Kronborg watched her daughter thoughtfully. She found her more interesting than her other children, and she took her more seriously, without thinking much about why she did so. The other children had to be guided, directed, kept from conflicting with one another. Charley and Gus were likely to want the same thing, and to quarrel about it. Anna often demanded unreasonable service from her older brothers; that they should sit up until after midnight to bring her home from parties when she did not like the youth who had offered himself as her escort; or that they should drive twelve miles into the country, on a winter night, to take her to a ranch dance, after they had been working hard all day. Gunner often got bored with his own clothes or stilts or sled, and wanted Axel’s. But Thea, from the time she was a little thing, had her own routine. She kept out of every one’s way, and was hard to manage only when the other children interfered with her. Then there was trouble indeed: bursts of temper which used to alarm Mrs. Kronborg. “You ought to know enough to let Thea alone. She lets you alone,” she often said to the other children.
Mrs. Kronborg watched her daughter with interest. She found her more intriguing than her other kids and took her more seriously, without really thinking about why. The other kids needed guidance and direction to avoid conflicts with each other. Charley and Gus often wanted the same things and ended up arguing about it. Anna frequently asked her older brothers for unreasonable favors, like staying up past midnight to pick her up from parties when she wasn’t keen on the boy who had offered to take her home, or driving twelve miles into the countryside on a winter night to take her to a ranch dance after they had worked hard all day. Gunner often got bored with his own clothes or stilts or sled and wanted to use Axel’s instead. But Thea, since she was little, had her own routine. She stayed out of everyone’s way and was only hard to manage when the other kids bothered her. That’s when the real trouble started: outbursts of temper that used to alarm Mrs. Kronborg. “You should know better than to bother Thea. She leaves you alone,” she often told the other kids.
One may have staunch friends in one’s own family, but one seldom has admirers. Thea, however, had one in the person of her addle-pated aunt, Tillie Kronborg. In older countries, where dress and opinions and manners are not so thoroughly standardized as in our own West, there is a belief that people who are foolish about the more obvious things of life are apt to have peculiar insight into what lies beyond the obvious. The old woman who can never learn not to put the kerosene can on the stove, may yet be able to tell fortunes, to persuade a backward child to grow, to cure warts, or to tell people what to do with a young girl who has gone melancholy. Tillie’s mind was a curious machine; when she was awake it went round like a wheel when the belt has slipped off, and when she was asleep she dreamed follies. But she had intuitions. She knew, for instance, that Thea was different from the other Kronborgs, worthy though they all were. Her romantic imagination found possibilities in her niece. When she was sweeping or ironing, or turning the ice-cream freezer at a furious rate, she often built up brilliant futures for Thea, adapting freely the latest novel she had read.
You might have loyal friends in your family, but it’s rare to find true admirers. Thea, though, had one in her somewhat scatterbrained aunt, Tillie Kronborg. In older countries, where fashion, opinions, and manners aren’t as uniform as in our Western society, there’s a belief that people who are clueless about the more obvious things in life often have surprising insights into what’s deeper. The elderly woman who never learns to keep the kerosene can off the stove might still be able to tell fortunes, encourage a shy child to flourish, cure warts, or advise on what to do about a young girl who’s feeling down. Tillie’s mind was a strange machine; when she was awake, it spun in circles like a wheel with a loose belt, and when she slept, she dreamed of nonsense. But she had instincts. She knew, for example, that Thea was different from the rest of the Kronborg family, who were all decent in their own right. Her imaginative spirit saw potential in her niece. While she was sweeping, ironing, or vigorously churning the ice-cream maker, she often envisioned remarkable futures for Thea, freely adapting the latest novel she had read.
Tillie made enemies for her niece among the church people because, at sewing societies and church suppers, she sometimes spoke vauntingly, with a toss of her head, just as if Thea’s “wonderfulness” were an accepted fact in Moonstone, like Mrs. Archie’s stinginess, or Mrs. Livery Johnson’s duplicity. People declared that, on this subject, Tillie made them tired.
Tillie created enemies for her niece among the church folks because, at sewing groups and church dinners, she sometimes spoke boastfully, with a toss of her head, as if Thea’s “greatness” were a well-known fact in Moonstone, just like Mrs. Archie’s stinginess or Mrs. Livery Johnson’s deceitfulness. People said that, about this topic, Tillie wore them out.
Tillie belonged to a dramatic club that once a year performed in the Moonstone Opera House such plays as “Among the Breakers,” and “The Veteran of 1812.” Tillie played character parts, the flirtatious old maid or the spiteful intrigante. She used to study her parts up in the attic at home. While she was committing the lines, she got Gunner or Anna to hold the book for her, but when she began “to bring out the expression,” as she said, she used, very timorously, to ask Thea to hold the book. Thea was usually—not always—agreeable about it. Her mother had told her that, since she had some influence with Tillie, it would be a good thing for them all if she could tone her down a shade and “keep her from taking on any worse than need be.” Thea would sit on the foot of Tillie’s bed, her feet tucked under her, and stare at the silly text. “I wouldn’t make so much fuss, there, Tillie,” she would remark occasionally; “I don’t see the point in it”; or, “What do you pitch your voice so high for? It don’t carry half as well.”
Tillie was part of a drama club that performed once a year at the Moonstone Opera House, putting on shows like “Among the Breakers” and “The Veteran of 1812.” Tillie took on character roles, like the flirty old maid or the bitter intriguer. She would practice her lines in the attic at home. While memorizing, she would have Gunner or Anna hold the book for her, but when it came time to “bring out the expression,” as she put it, she shyly asked Thea to hold the book. Thea usually, but not always, agreed. Her mom had told her that since she had some sway with Tillie, it would be helpful if she could tone her down a bit and “keep her from getting too dramatic.” Thea would sit at the foot of Tillie’s bed, her feet tucked under her, and stare at the silly script. “I wouldn’t make such a big deal about it, Tillie,” she would sometimes say; “I don’t really see the point”; or, “Why are you pitching your voice so high? It doesn’t carry very well.”
“I don’t see how it comes Thea is so patient with Tillie,” Mrs. Kronborg more than once remarked to her husband. “She ain’t patient with most people, but it seems like she’s got a peculiar patience for Tillie.”
“I don’t get why Thea is so patient with Tillie,” Mrs. Kronborg often said to her husband. “She isn’t patient with most people, but it seems like she has a special patience for Tillie.”
Tillie always coaxed Thea to go “behind the scenes” with her when the club presented a play, and help her with her make-up. Thea hated it, but she always went. She felt as if she had to do it. There was something in Tillie’s adoration of her that compelled her. There was no family impropriety that Thea was so much ashamed of as Tillie’s “acting” and yet she was always being dragged in to assist her. Tillie simply had her, there. She didn’t know why, but it was so. There was a string in her somewhere that Tillie could pull; a sense of obligation to Tillie’s misguided aspirations. The saloon-keepers had some such feeling of responsibility toward Spanish Johnny.
Tillie always convinced Thea to go “behind the scenes” with her when the club was putting on a play, and help her with her makeup. Thea hated it, but she always went. She felt like she had to. There was something about Tillie's admiration for her that drew her in. Thea felt more embarrassed by Tillie's “acting” than anything else about her family, yet she was always pulled in to help. Tillie had her there, without question. Thea didn’t know why, but it was true. There was a string inside her that Tillie could tug; a sense of duty to Tillie’s misguided dreams. The saloon owners had a similar sense of obligation toward Spanish Johnny.
The dramatic club was the pride of Tillie’s heart, and her enthusiasm was the principal factor in keeping it together. Sick or well, Tillie always attended rehearsals, and was always urging the young people, who took rehearsals lightly, to “stop fooling and begin now.” The young men—bank clerks, grocery clerks, insurance agents—played tricks, laughed at Tillie, and “put it up on each other” about seeing her home; but they often went to tiresome rehearsals just to oblige her. They were good-natured young fellows. Their trainer and stage-manager was young Upping, the jeweler who ordered Thea’s music for her.
The drama club was the pride of Tillie’s heart, and her enthusiasm was the main reason it stayed together. Sick or well, Tillie always showed up for rehearsals and constantly urged the young people, who took rehearsals lightly, to “stop messing around and get serious.” The young men—bank clerks, grocery clerks, insurance agents—played pranks, laughed at Tillie, and teased each other about walking her home; but they often attended exhausting rehearsals just to please her. They were good-natured young guys. Their trainer and stage manager was young Upping, the jeweler who ordered Thea’s music for her.
Though barely thirty, he had followed half a dozen professions, and had once been a violinist in the orchestra of the Andrews Opera Company, then well known in little towns throughout Colorado and Nebraska.
Though he was just around thirty, he had tried out half a dozen jobs and had even been a violinist in the orchestra of the Andrews Opera Company, which was popular in small towns across Colorado and Nebraska.
By one amazing indiscretion Tillie very nearly lost her hold upon the Moonstone Drama Club. The club had decided to put on “The Drummer Boy of Shiloh,” a very ambitious undertaking because of the many supers needed and the scenic difficulties of the act which took place in Andersonville Prison. The members of the club consulted together in Tillie’s absence as to who should play the part of the drummer boy. It must be taken by a very young person, and village boys of that age are self-conscious and are not apt at memorizing. The part was a long one, and clearly it must be given to a girl. Some members of the club suggested Thea Kronborg, others advocated Lily Fisher. Lily’s partisans urged that she was much prettier than Thea, and had a much “sweeter disposition.” Nobody denied these facts. But there was nothing in the least boyish about Lily, and she sang all songs and played all parts alike. Lily’s simper was popular, but it seemed not quite the right thing for the heroic drummer boy.
By one shocking mistake, Tillie almost lost her position with the Moonstone Drama Club. The club had decided to put on "The Drummer Boy of Shiloh," which was a big deal because it needed a lot of extras and faced challenges with the setting, which took place in Andersonville Prison. While Tillie was away, the club members discussed who should take on the role of the drummer boy. It had to be someone very young, but village boys that age tend to be self-conscious and struggle with memorization. The role was lengthy, so it obviously needed to go to a girl. Some members suggested Thea Kronborg, while others pushed for Lily Fisher. Lily’s supporters argued that she was much prettier than Thea and had a much “sweeter disposition.” No one disputed these points. However, there was nothing at all boyish about Lily, and she approached all songs and roles in the same way. Lily's charming demeanor was well-liked, but it didn't quite fit the image of the heroic drummer boy.
Upping, the trainer, talked to one and another: “Lily’s all right for girl parts,” he insisted, “but you’ve got to get a girl with some ginger in her for this. Thea’s got the voice, too. When she sings, ‘Just Before the Battle, Mother,’ she’ll bring down the house.”
Upping, the trainer, spoke to each other: “Lily’s good for the female roles,” he insisted, “but you need a girl with some flair for this. Thea’s got the voice, too. When she sings, ‘Just Before the Battle, Mother,’ she’ll steal the show.”
When all the members of the club had been privately consulted, they announced their decision to Tillie at the first regular meeting that was called to cast the parts. They expected Tillie to be overcome with joy, but, on the contrary, she seemed embarrassed. “I’m afraid Thea hasn’t got time for that,” she said jerkily. “She is always so busy with her music. Guess you’ll have to get somebody else.”
When all the club members had been privately consulted, they announced their decision to Tillie at the first regular meeting called to assign the roles. They expected Tillie to be thrilled, but instead, she looked embarrassed. “I’m afraid Thea doesn’t have time for that,” she said quickly. “She’s always so busy with her music. I guess you’ll have to find someone else.”
The club lifted its eyebrows. Several of Lily Fisher’s friends coughed. Mr. Upping flushed. The stout woman who always played the injured wife called Tillie’s attention to the fact that this would be a fine opportunity for her niece to show what she could do. Her tone was condescending.
The club raised its eyebrows. Some of Lily Fisher’s friends coughed. Mr. Upping's face turned red. The heavyset woman who always played the hurt wife pointed out to Tillie that this would be a great chance for her niece to show her skills. Her tone was patronizing.
Tillie threw up her head and laughed; there was something sharp and wild about Tillie’s laugh—when it was not a giggle. “Oh, I guess Thea hasn’t got time to do any showing off. Her time to show off ain’t come yet. I expect she’ll make us all sit up when it does. No use asking her to take the part. She’d turn her nose up at it. I guess they’d be glad to get her in the Denver Dramatics, if they could.”
Tillie threw her head back and laughed; there was something intense and untamed about Tillie’s laugh—when it wasn't just a giggle. “Oh, I guess Thea doesn’t have time to show off. Her moment to shine hasn’t come yet. I bet she’ll impress us all when it does. No point in asking her to take the part. She’d just turn her nose up at it. I’m sure they’d be happy to have her in the Denver Dramatics, if they could.”
The company broke up into groups and expressed their amazement. Of course all Swedes were conceited, but they would never have believed that all the conceit of all the Swedes put together would reach such a pitch as this. They confided to each other that Tillie was “just a little off, on the subject of her niece,” and agreed that it would be as well not to excite her further. Tillie got a cold reception at rehearsals for a long while afterward, and Thea had a crop of new enemies without even knowing it.
The company split into groups and shared their surprise. Sure, all Swedes had a bit of an ego, but they never thought that all that arrogance combined could reach such extremes. They confided in each other that Tillie was “a bit off when it came to her niece,” and agreed it was best not to stir her up any more. Tillie faced a chilly reception at rehearsals for quite some time after that, and Thea ended up with a bunch of new enemies without even realizing it.
X
Wunsch and old Fritz and Spanish Johnny celebrated Christmas together, so riotously that Wunsch was unable to give Thea her lesson the next day. In the middle of the vacation week Thea went to the Kohlers’ through a soft, beautiful snowstorm. The air was a tender blue-gray, like the color on the doves that flew in and out of the white dove-house on the post in the Kohlers’ garden. The sand hills looked dim and sleepy. The tamarisk hedge was full of snow, like a foam of blossoms drifted over it. When Thea opened the gate, old Mrs. Kohler was just coming in from the chicken yard, with five fresh eggs in her apron and a pair of old top-boots on her feet. She called Thea to come and look at a bantam egg, which she held up proudly. Her bantam hens were remiss in zeal, and she was always delighted when they accomplished anything. She took Thea into the sitting-room, very warm and smelling of food, and brought her a plateful of little Christmas cakes, made according to old and hallowed formulae, and put them before her while she warmed her feet. Then she went to the door of the kitchen stairs and called: “Herr Wunsch, Herr Wunsch!”
Wunsch, old Fritz, and Spanish Johnny celebrated Christmas together so energetically that Wunsch couldn't give Thea her lesson the next day. In the middle of vacation week, Thea made her way to the Kohlers’ through a gentle, beautiful snowstorm. The air was a soft blue-gray, resembling the color of the doves that flew in and out of the white dove house on the post in the Kohlers’ garden. The sand hills looked dim and sleepy. The tamarisk hedge was covered in snow, like a blanket of blossoms spilling over it. When Thea opened the gate, old Mrs. Kohler was just coming in from the chicken yard, with five fresh eggs tucked in her apron and a pair of old boots on her feet. She called Thea over to see a bantam egg, which she proudly held up. Her bantam hens weren’t very productive, so she was always thrilled when they laid anything. She took Thea into the cozy, food-scented sitting room and brought her a plate of little Christmas cakes, made from cherished family recipes, and set them before her while she warmed her feet. Then she headed to the kitchen stairs and called, “Herr Wunsch, Herr Wunsch!”
Wunsch came down wearing an old wadded jacket, with a velvet collar. The brown silk was so worn that the wadding stuck out almost everywhere. He avoided Thea’s eyes when he came in, nodded without speaking, and pointed directly to the piano stool. He was not so insistent upon the scales as usual, and throughout the little sonata of Mozart’s she was studying, he remained languid and absent-minded. His eyes looked very heavy, and he kept wiping them with one of the new silk handkerchiefs Mrs. Kohler had given him for Christmas. When the lesson was over he did not seem inclined to talk. Thea, loitering on the stool, reached for a tattered book she had taken off the music-rest when she sat down. It was a very old Leipsic edition of the piano score of Gluck’s “Orpheus.” She turned over the pages curiously.
Wunsch came down wearing an old padded jacket with a velvet collar. The brown silk was so worn that the stuffing was sticking out almost everywhere. He avoided Thea’s eyes when he walked in, nodded without saying anything, and pointed straight at the piano stool. He wasn't as focused on the scales as usual, and throughout the little sonata by Mozart that she was studying, he seemed lazy and distracted. His eyes looked really heavy, and he kept wiping them with one of the new silk handkerchiefs Mrs. Kohler had given him for Christmas. When the lesson ended, he didn’t seem interested in chatting. Thea, lingering on the stool, reached for a worn-out book she had taken off the music rest when she sat down. It was a very old Leipsic edition of the piano score of Gluck’s “Orpheus.” She turned the pages curiously.
“Is it nice?” she asked.
“Is it good?” she asked.
“It is the most beautiful opera ever made,” Wunsch declared solemnly. “You know the story, eh? How, when she die, Orpheus went down below for his wife?”
“It’s the most beautiful opera ever made,” Wunsch declared seriously. “You know the story, right? How, when she died, Orpheus went down below for his wife?”
“Oh, yes, I know. I didn’t know there was an opera about it, though. Do people sing this now?”
“Oh, yes, I know. I didn’t realize there was an opera about it, though. Do people still perform this now?”
“Aber ja! What else? You like to try? See.” He drew her from the stool and sat down at the piano. Turning over the leaves to the third act, he handed the score to Thea. “Listen, I play it through and you get the rhythmus. Eins, zwei, drei, vier.” He played through Orpheus’ lament, then pushed back his cuffs with awakening interest and nodded at Thea. “Now, vom blatt, mit mir.”
Of course! What else? Want to give it a shot? Here, look.” He pulled her off the stool and sat at the piano. Flipping to the third act, he handed the score to Thea. “Listen, I'll play it through and you get the rhythm. One, two, three, four.” He played Orpheus’ lament, then pushed back his sleeves with newfound interest and nodded at Thea. “Now, from the sheet, with me.”
“Ach, ich habe sie verloren,
All’ mein Glück ist nun dahin.”
“Ah, I've lost her,
All my happiness is gone now.”
Wunsch sang the aria with much feeling. It was evidently one that was very dear to him.
Wunsch sang the aria with a lot of emotion. It was clearly one that meant a lot to him.
“Noch einmal, alone, yourself.” He played the introductory measures, then nodded at her vehemently, and she began:—
“Once more, alone, yourself.” He played the opening measures, then nodded at her emphatically, and she started:—
“Ach, ich habe sie verloren.”
"Ah, I lost it."
When she finished, Wunsch nodded again. “Schön,” he muttered as he finished the accompaniment softly. He dropped his hands on his knees and looked up at Thea. “That is very fine, eh? There is no such beautiful melody in the world. You can take the book for one week and learn something, to pass the time. It is good to know—always. Euridice, Eu—ri—di—ce, weh dass ich auf Erden bin!” he sang softly, playing the melody with his right hand.
When she finished, Wunsch nodded again. “Beautiful,” he muttered as he softly wrapped up the accompaniment. He dropped his hands onto his knees and looked up at Thea. “That is really fine, right? There’s no melody as beautiful as this in the world. You can take the book for a week and learn something to keep yourself busy. It’s good to know—always. Euridice, Eu—ri—di—ce, oh how I wish I were on Earth!” he sang softly, playing the melody with his right hand.
Thea, who was turning over the pages of the third act, stopped and scowled at a passage. The old German’s blurred eyes watched her curiously.
Thea, who was flipping through the pages of the third act, paused and frowned at a passage. The old German's cloudy eyes observed her with curiosity.
“For what do you look so, immer?” puckering up his own face. “You see something a little difficult, may-be, and you make such a face like it was an enemy.”
“For what are you looking like that, immer?” puckering his own face. “You see something a bit challenging, maybe, and you make a face like it’s an enemy.”
Thea laughed, disconcerted. “Well, difficult things are enemies, aren’t they? When you have to get them?”
Thea laughed, a bit confused. “Well, tough things are like enemies, right? Especially when you have to tackle them?”
Wunsch lowered his head and threw it up as if he were butting something. “Not at all! By no means.” He took the book from her and looked at it. “Yes, that is not so easy, there. This is an old book. They do not print it so now any more, I think. They leave it out, may-be. Only one woman could sing that good.”
Wunsch lowered his head and threw it back up as if he were butting something. “Not at all! Definitely not.” He took the book from her and looked at it. “Yeah, that's not so easy there. This is an old book. I don’t think they print it like this anymore. They probably leave it out. Only one woman could sing that well.”
Thea looked at him in perplexity.
Thea stared at him, puzzled.
Wunsch went on. “It is written for alto, you see. A woman sings the part, and there was only one to sing that good in there. You understand? Only one!” He glanced at her quickly and lifted his red forefinger upright before her eyes.
Wunsch continued, “It’s written for alto, you see. A woman sings that part, and there was only one person good enough to do it there. Do you get it? Only one!” He shot her a quick look and held up his red forefinger in front of her eyes.
Thea looked at the finger as if she were hypnotized. “Only one?” she asked breathlessly; her hands, hanging at her sides, were opening and shutting rapidly.
Thea stared at the finger as if she were in a trance. “Just one?” she asked, breathless; her hands, hanging at her sides, were opening and closing quickly.
Wunsch nodded and still held up that compelling finger. When he dropped his hands, there was a look of satisfaction in his face.
Wunsch nodded and kept that convincing finger raised. When he lowered his hands, a look of satisfaction appeared on his face.
“Was she very great?”
“Was she really great?”
Wunsch nodded.
Wunsch nodded.
“Was she beautiful?”
"Was she pretty?"
“Aber gar nicht! Not at all. She was ugly; big mouth, big teeth, no figure, nothing at all,” indicating a luxuriant bosom by sweeping his hands over his chest. “A pole, a post! But for the voice—ach! She have something in there, behind the eyes,” tapping his temples.
“Not at all! She was ugly; big mouth, big teeth, no shape, nothing at all,” he said, gesturing over his chest to indicate a voluptuous figure. “A stick, a post! But her voice—oh! She had something in there, behind her eyes,” he added, tapping his temples.
Thea followed all his gesticulations intently. “Was she German?”
Thea watched all his gestures closely. “Was she German?”
“No, Spanisch.” He looked down and frowned for a moment. “Ach, I tell you, she look like the Frau Tellamantez, some-thing. Long face, long chin, and ugly al-so.”
“No, Spanish.” He looked down and frowned for a moment. “Ah, I tell you, she looks like Mrs. Tellamantez, something. Long face, long chin, and ugly too.”
“Did she die a long while ago?”
“Did she die a long time ago?”
“Die? I think not. I never hear, anyhow. I guess she is alive somewhere in the world; Paris, may-be. But old, of course. I hear her when I was a youth. She is too old to sing now any more.”
“Die? I don’t think so. I can’t hear anything anyway. I guess she’s out there somewhere in the world; maybe in Paris. But, of course, she’s old now. I used to hear her when I was young. She’s too old to sing anymore.”
“Was she the greatest singer you ever heard?”
“Was she the best singer you've ever heard?”
Wunsch nodded gravely. “Quite so. She was the most—” he hunted for an English word, lifted his hand over his head and snapped his fingers noiselessly in the air, enunciating fiercely, “künst-ler-isch!” The word seemed to glitter in his uplifted hand, his voice was so full of emotion.
Wunsch nodded seriously. “Exactly. She was the most—” he searched for the right English word, raised his hand above his head and snapped his fingers silently in the air, emphasizing passionately, “künst-ler-isch!” The word seemed to shine in his raised hand, his voice was so filled with emotion.
Wunsch rose from the stool and began to button his wadded jacket, preparing to return to his half-heated room in the loft. Thea regretfully put on her cloak and hood and set out for home.
Wunsch stood up from the stool and started to button his thick jacket, getting ready to head back to his chilly room in the loft. Thea reluctantly put on her cloak and hood and left for home.
When Wunsch looked for his score late that afternoon, he found that Thea had not forgotten to take it with her. He smiled his loose, sarcastic smile, and thoughtfully rubbed his stubbly chin with his red fingers. When Fritz came home in the early blue twilight the snow was flying faster, Mrs. Kohler was cooking Hasenpfeffer in the kitchen, and the professor was seated at the piano, playing the Gluck, which he knew by heart. Old Fritz took off his shoes quietly behind the stove and lay down on the lounge before his masterpiece, where the firelight was playing over the walls of Moscow. He listened, while the room grew darker and the windows duller. Wunsch always came back to the same thing:—
When Wunsch looked for his score later that afternoon, he noticed that Thea had indeed taken it with her. He smiled his casual, sarcastic smile and rubbed his stubbly chin with his red fingers. When Fritz came home in the early blue twilight, the snow was coming down faster, Mrs. Kohler was making Hasenpfeffer in the kitchen, and the professor was sitting at the piano, playing the Gluck from memory. Old Fritz quietly took off his shoes behind the stove and lay down on the couch in front of his masterpiece, where the firelight danced across the walls of Moscow. He listened as the room grew darker and the windows became duller. Wunsch always came back to the same thing:—
“Ach, ich habe sie verloren,
...
Euridice, Euridice!”
“Ah, I have lost her,
...
Eurydice, Eurydice!”
From time to time Fritz sighed softly. He, too, had lost a Euridice.
From time to time, Fritz let out a quiet sigh. He, too, had lost a Euridice.
XI
One Saturday, late in June, Thea arrived early for her lesson. As she perched herself upon the piano stool,—a wobbly, old-fashioned thing that worked on a creaky screw,—she gave Wunsch a side glance, smiling. “You must not be cross to me to-day. This is my birthday.”
One Saturday, late in June, Thea showed up early for her lesson. As she settled onto the piano stool—a wobbly, old-fashioned piece that creaked on its screw—she glanced at Wunsch with a smile. “You can't be mad at me today. It's my birthday.”
“So?” he pointed to the keyboard.
“So?” he pointed at the keyboard.
After the lesson they went out to join Mrs. Kohler, who had asked Thea to come early, so that she could stay and smell the linden bloom. It was one of those still days of intense light, when every particle of mica in the soil flashed like a little mirror, and the glare from the plain below seemed more intense than the rays from above. The sand ridges ran glittering gold out to where the mirage licked them up, shining and steaming like a lake in the tropics. The sky looked like blue lava, forever incapable of clouds,—a turquoise bowl that was the lid of the desert. And yet within Mrs. Kohler’s green patch the water dripped, the beds had all been hosed, and the air was fresh with rapidly evaporating moisture.
After the lesson, they went out to join Mrs. Kohler, who had asked Thea to come early so she could stay and enjoy the scent of the linden blossoms. It was one of those calm days filled with bright light, where every tiny piece of mica in the soil sparkled like a little mirror, and the brightness from the plain below felt stronger than the sunlight above. The sand ridges glimmered like gold, stretching out to where the mirage blurred them, shining and steaming like a tropical lake. The sky looked like blue lava, forever unable to hold clouds—like a turquoise bowl covering the desert. Yet within Mrs. Kohler’s green space, water dripped, the garden beds had all been watered, and the air was fresh with quickly evaporating moisture.
The two symmetrical linden trees were the proudest things in the garden. Their sweetness embalmed all the air. At every turn of the paths,—whether one went to see the hollyhocks or the bleeding heart, or to look at the purple morning-glories that ran over the bean-poles,—wherever one went, the sweetness of the lindens struck one afresh and one always came back to them. Under the round leaves, where the waxen yellow blossoms hung, bevies of wild bees were buzzing. The tamarisks were still pink, and the flower-beds were doing their best in honor of the linden festival. The white dove-house was shining with a fresh coat of paint, and the pigeons were crooning contentedly, flying down often to drink at the drip from the water tank. Mrs. Kohler, who was transplanting pansies, came up with her trowel and told Thea it was lucky to have your birthday when the lindens were in bloom, and that she must go and look at the sweet peas. Wunsch accompanied her, and as they walked between the flower-beds he took Thea’s hand.
The two perfectly symmetrical linden trees were the most impressive things in the garden. Their sweetness filled the air. No matter which path you took—whether to see the hollyhocks or the bleeding heart, or to admire the purple morning-glories climbing over the bean-poles—the sweetness of the lindens always caught your attention, and you found yourself returning to them. Under the round leaves, where the waxy yellow blossoms hung, groups of wild bees were buzzing. The tamarisks were still pink, and the flower beds were doing their best to celebrate the linden festival. The white dove-house gleamed with a fresh coat of paint, and the pigeons cooed happily, often flying down to drink from the drip of the water tank. Mrs. Kohler, who was transplanting pansies, approached with her trowel and told Thea it was lucky to have your birthday while the lindens were in bloom, and that she should go see the sweet peas. Wunsch walked with her, and as they strolled between the flower beds, he took Thea’s hand.
“Es flüstern und sprechen die Blumen,”—
"Flowers whisper and speak,"—
he muttered. “You know that von Heine? Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen?” He looked down at Thea and softly pressed her hand.
he muttered. “You know that von Heine? On a Bright Summer Morning?” He looked down at Thea and gently squeezed her hand.
“No, I don’t know it. What does flüstern mean?”
“No, I don’t know it. What does flüstern mean?”
“Flüstern?—to whisper. You must begin now to know such things. That is necessary. How many birthdays?”
“Whisper?—to whisper. You need to start learning these things now. It's important. How many birthdays?”
“Thirteen. I’m in my ’teens now. But how can I know words like that? I only know what you say at my lessons. They don’t teach German at school. How can I learn?”
“Thirteen. I’m a teenager now. But how can I know words like that? I only know what you teach me in my lessons. They don’t offer German at school. How can I learn?”
“It is always possible to learn when one likes,” said Wunsch. His words were peremptory, as usual, but his tone was mild, even confidential. “There is always a way. And if some day you are going to sing, it is necessary to know well the German language.”
“It’s always possible to learn whenever you want,” Wunsch said. His words were authoritative, as usual, but his tone was gentle, even friendly. “There’s always a way. And if you’re going to sing someday, it’s essential to have a good understanding of the German language.”
Thea stooped over to pick a leaf of rosemary. How did Wunsch know that, when the very roses on her wall-paper had never heard it? “But am I going to?” she asked, still stooping.
Thea bent down to pick a leaf of rosemary. How did Wunsch know that, when the very roses on her wallpaper had never heard it? “But am I going to?” she asked, still bent over.
“That is for you to say,” returned Wunsch coldly. “You would better marry some Jacob here and keep the house for him, may-be? That is as one desires.”
“That's for you to decide,” Wunsch replied,冷淡地. “Maybe you should just marry some Jacob around here and take care of the house for him? That's up to you.”
Thea flashed up at him a clear, laughing look. “No, I don’t want to do that. You know,” she brushed his coat sleeve quickly with her yellow head. “Only how can I learn anything here? It’s so far from Denver.”
Thea gave him a bright, cheerful look. “No, I don’t want to do that. You know,” she nudged his coat sleeve lightly with her blond head. “But how can I learn anything here? It’s so far from Denver.”
Wunsch’s loose lower lip curled in amusement. Then, as if he suddenly remembered something, he spoke seriously. “Nothing is far and nothing is near, if one desires. The world is little, people are little, human life is little. There is only one big thing—desire. And before it, when it is big, all is little. It brought Columbus across the sea in a little boat, und so weiter.” Wunsch made a grimace, took his pupil’s hand and drew her toward the grape arbor. “Hereafter I will more speak to you in German. Now, sit down and I will teach you for your birthday that little song. Ask me the words you do not know already. Now: Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen.”
Wunsch’s loose lower lip curled in amusement. Then, as if he suddenly remembered something, he spoke seriously. “Nothing is far and nothing is near if you really want it. The world is small, people are small, human life is small. There’s only one big thing—desire. And when it’s big, everything else is small. It brought Columbus across the sea in a little boat, und so weiter.” Wunsch made a face, took his pupil’s hand, and pulled her toward the grape arbor. “From now on, I’ll speak to you more in German. Now, sit down and I’ll teach you that little song for your birthday. Ask me the words you don’t know yet. Now: Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen.”
Thea memorized quickly because she had the power of listening intently. In a few moments she could repeat the eight lines for him. Wunsch nodded encouragingly and they went out of the arbor into the sunlight again. As they went up and down the gravel paths between the flowerbeds, the white and yellow butterflies kept darting before them, and the pigeons were washing their pink feet at the drip and crooning in their husky bass. Over and over again Wunsch made her say the lines to him. “You see it is nothing. If you learn a great many of the Lieder, you will know the German language already. Weiter, nun.” He would incline his head gravely and listen.
Thea learned quickly because she could focus intently. In just a few moments, she was able to repeat the eight lines for him. Wunsch nodded encouragingly, and they stepped out of the arbor into the sunlight again. As they walked up and down the gravel paths between the flowerbeds, white and yellow butterflies kept fluttering in front of them, and the pigeons were cleaning their pink feet in the water and cooing in their deep voices. Again and again, Wunsch had her recite the lines for him. “See, it’s not difficult. If you learn a lot of the Lieder, you’ll already know the German language. Weiter, nun.” He would nod seriously and listen.
“Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen
Geh’ ich im Garten herum;
Es flüstern und sprechen die Blumen,
Ich aber, ich wandte stumm.
“Es flüstern und sprechen die Blumen
Und schau’n mitleidig mich an:
‘Sei unserer Schwester nicht böse,
Du trauriger, blasser Mann!’”
“On a bright summer morning
I walk around the garden;
The flowers whisper and speak,
But I just turned away in silence.
“The flowers whisper and speak
And look at me with pity:
‘Don’t be angry with our sister,
You sad, pale man!’”
(In the soft-shining summer morning
I wandered the garden within.
The flowers they whispered and murmured,
But I, I wandered dumb.
The flowers they whisper and murmur,
And me with compassion they scan:
“Oh, be not harsh to our sister,
Thou sorrowful, death-pale man!”)
(In the softly shining summer morning
I strolled through the garden inside.
The flowers whispered and murmured,
But I, I wandered in silence.
The flowers whisper and murmur,
And they look at me with compassion:
“Oh, don’t be cruel to our sister,
You sorrowful, deathly pale man!”)
Wunsch had noticed before that when his pupil read anything in verse the character of her voice changed altogether; it was no longer the voice which spoke the speech of Moonstone. It was a soft, rich contralto, and she read quietly; the feeling was in the voice itself, not indicated by emphasis or change of pitch. She repeated the little verses musically, like a song, and the entreaty of the flowers was even softer than the rest, as the shy speech of flowers might be, and she ended with the voice suspended, almost with a rising inflection. It was a nature-voice, Wunsch told himself, breathed from the creature and apart from language, like the sound of the wind in the trees, or the murmur of water.
Wunsch had noticed before that when his student read anything in verse, her voice completely changed; it was no longer the voice that delivered the Moonstone dialogue. It became a soft, rich contralto, and she read quietly; the emotion was in the voice itself, not highlighted by emphasis or pitch changes. She recited the little verses melodically, like a song, and the plea of the flowers was even softer than the rest, much like the gentle speech of flowers might be, and she finished with her voice lingering, almost rising in inflection. It was a natural voice, Wunsch told himself, emanating from her and beyond language, like the sound of the wind in the trees or the gentle flow of water.
“What is it the flowers mean when they ask him not to be harsh to their sister, eh?” he asked, looking down at her curiously and wrinkling his dull red forehead.
“What do the flowers mean when they ask him not to be harsh to their sister, huh?” he asked, looking down at her with curiosity and furrowing his dull red forehead.
Thea glanced at him in surprise. “I suppose he thinks they are asking him not to be harsh to his sweetheart—or some girl they remind him of.”
Thea looked at him in surprise. “I guess he thinks they’re telling him not to be tough on his girlfriend—or some girl who reminds him of her.”
“And why trauriger, blasser Mann?”
“And why sorrowful, pale man?”
They had come back to the grape arbor, and Thea picked out a sunny place on the bench, where a tortoise-shell cat was stretched at full length. She sat down, bending over the cat and teasing his whiskers. “Because he had been awake all night, thinking about her, wasn’t it? Maybe that was why he was up so early.”
They had returned to the grape arbor, and Thea chose a sunny spot on the bench where a tortoiseshell cat was sprawled out. She sat down, leaning over the cat and playfully tugging at his whiskers. “He must have been awake all night, thinking about her, right? Maybe that’s why he got up so early.”
Wunsch shrugged his shoulders. “If he think about her all night already, why do you say the flowers remind him?”
Wunsch shrugged his shoulders. “If he's been thinking about her all night already, why do you say the flowers remind him?”
Thea looked up at him in perplexity. A flash of comprehension lit her face and she smiled eagerly. “Oh, I didn’t mean ‘remind’ in that way! I didn’t mean they brought her to his mind! I meant it was only when he came out in the morning, that she seemed to him like that,—like one of the flowers.”
Thea looked up at him, confused. A spark of understanding crossed her face, and she smiled eagerly. “Oh, I didn’t mean ‘remind’ like that! I didn’t mean they made him think of her! I meant it was only when he came out in the morning that she looked to him like that—like one of the flowers.”
“And before he came out, how did she seem?”
“And before he came out, how did she look?”
This time it was Thea who shrugged her shoulders. The warm smile left her face. She lifted her eyebrows in annoyance and looked off at the sand hills.
This time, Thea shrugged her shoulders. The warm smile faded from her face. She raised her eyebrows in annoyance and glanced at the sand hills.
Wunsch persisted. “Why you not answer me?”
Wunsch kept insisting. “Why aren't you answering me?”
“Because it would be silly. You are just trying to make me say things. It spoils things to ask questions.”
“Because that would be ridiculous. You're just trying to get me to say things. Asking questions ruins everything.”
Wunsch bowed mockingly; his smile was disagreeable. Suddenly his face grew grave, grew fierce, indeed. He pulled himself up from his clumsy stoop and folded his arms. “But it is necessary to know if you know some things. Some things cannot be taught. If you not know in the beginning, you not know in the end. For a singer there must be something in the inside from the beginning. I shall not be long in this place, may-be, and I like to know. Yes,”—he ground his heel in the gravel,—“yes, when you are barely six, you must know that already. That is the beginning of all things; der Geist, die Phantasie. It must be in the baby, when it makes its first cry, like der Rhythmus, or it is not to be. You have some voice already, and if in the beginning, when you are with things-to-play, you know that what you will not tell me, then you can learn to sing, may-be.”
Wunsch bowed mockingly; his smile was unpleasant. Suddenly, his expression became serious and even fierce. He straightened up from his awkward slouch and crossed his arms. “But it’s important to know if you understand some things. Some things can’t be taught. If you don’t know from the start, you won’t know in the end. A singer needs to have something inside from the very beginning. I may not be here long, and I want to know. Yes,”—he dug his heel into the gravel,—“yes, by the time you’re barely six, you should already know that. That’s the start of everything; der Geist, die Phantasie. It must be in a baby when it makes its first cry, like der Rhythmus, or it’s just not meant to be. You already have some voice, and if, from the beginning, when you’re playing with things, you realize the things you won’t share with me, then maybe you can learn to sing.”
Wunsch began to pace the arbor, rubbing his hands together. The dark flush of his face had spread up under the iron-gray bristles on his head. He was talking to himself, not to Thea. Insidious power of the linden bloom! “Oh, much you can learn! Aber nicht die Americanischen Fräulein. They have nothing inside them,” striking his chest with both fists. “They are like the ones in the Märchen, a grinning face and hollow in the insides. Something they can learn, oh, yes, may-be! But the secret—what make the rose to red, the sky to blue, the man to love—in der Brust, in der Brust it is, und ohne dieses giebt es keine Kunst, giebt es keine Kunst!” He threw up his square hand and shook it, all the fingers apart and wagging. Purple and breathless he went out of the arbor and into the house, without saying good-bye. These outbursts frightened Wunsch. They were always harbingers of ill.
Wunsch started pacing the arbor, rubbing his hands together. The deep red on his face had spread under the iron-gray hair on his head. He was talking to himself, not to Thea. The sneaky power of the linden bloom! “Oh, you can learn so much! But not the American girls. They have nothing inside them,” he said, pounding his chest with both fists. “They're like the ones in the fairy tales, with a grinning face but empty inside. They might learn something, oh, yes, maybe! But the secret—what makes the rose red, the sky blue, what makes a man love—it's in the heart, in the heart, and without that, there is no art, there is no art!” He raised his big hand and shook it, fingers spread and moving around. Purple-faced and breathless, he left the arbor and went into the house without saying goodbye. These outbursts scared Wunsch. They always signaled something bad.
Thea got her music-book and stole quietly out of the garden. She did not go home, but wandered off into the sand dunes, where the prickly pear was in blossom and the green lizards were racing each other in the glittering light. She was shaken by a passionate excitement. She did not altogether understand what Wunsch was talking about; and yet, in a way she knew. She knew, of course, that there was something about her that was different. But it was more like a friendly spirit than like anything that was a part of herself. She thought everything to it, and it answered her; happiness consisted of that backward and forward movement of herself. The something came and went, she never knew how. Sometimes she hunted for it and could not find it; again, she lifted her eyes from a book, or stepped out of doors, or wakened in the morning, and it was there,—under her cheek, it usually seemed to be, or over her breast,—a kind of warm sureness. And when it was there, everything was more interesting and beautiful, even people. When this companion was with her, she could get the most wonderful things out of Spanish Johnny, or Wunsch, or Dr. Archie.
Thea grabbed her music book and quietly slipped out of the garden. Instead of going home, she wandered into the sand dunes, where the prickly pear was blooming and the green lizards raced each other in the sparkling sunlight. She was filled with a passionate excitement. She didn't completely understand what Wunsch was talking about, but in a way, she did. She knew that there was something about her that was different. But it felt more like a friendly spirit than anything that was a part of herself. She thought everything to it, and it responded to her; happiness was that back-and-forth movement within her. The feeling came and went, and she never knew how. Sometimes she searched for it and couldn't find it; other times, she would lift her eyes from a book, step outside, or wake up in the morning, and it was there—usually under her cheek or over her chest—a kind of warm certainty. And when it was there, everything became more interesting and beautiful, even people. When this companion was with her, she could get the most amazing things out of Spanish Johnny, Wunsch, or Dr. Archie.
On her thirteenth birthday she wandered for a long while about the sand ridges, picking up crystals and looking into the yellow prickly-pear blossoms with their thousand stamens. She looked at the sand hills until she wished she were a sand hill. And yet she knew that she was going to leave them all behind some day. They would be changing all day long, yellow and purple and lavender, and she would not be there. From that day on, she felt there was a secret between her and Wunsch. Together they had lifted a lid, pulled out a drawer, and looked at something. They hid it away and never spoke of what they had seen; but neither of them forgot it.
On her thirteenth birthday, she roamed around the sand ridges for a long time, collecting crystals and gazing at the yellow prickly-pear flowers with their countless stamens. She stared at the sand hills until she wished she could be one. Still, she knew she would eventually leave them all behind. They would keep changing all day long, turning yellow, purple, and lavender, and she wouldn’t be there to see it. From that day on, she felt a secret connection with Wunsch. Together, they had lifted a lid, pulled out a drawer, and looked at something important. They kept it hidden and never talked about what they had seen, but neither of them forgot it.
XII
One July night, when the moon was full, Dr. Archie was coming up from the depot, restless and discontented, wishing there were something to do. He carried his straw hat in his hand, and kept brushing his hair back from his forehead with a purposeless, unsatisfied gesture. After he passed Uncle Billy Beemer’s cottonwood grove, the sidewalk ran out of the shadow into the white moonlight and crossed the sand gully on high posts, like a bridge. As the doctor approached this trestle, he saw a white figure, and recognized Thea Kronborg. He quickened his pace and she came to meet him.
One July night, with the moon fully illuminated, Dr. Archie was walking back from the depot, feeling restless and discontented, wishing he had something to occupy his time. He held his straw hat in his hand and kept pushing his hair back from his forehead with a pointless, unsatisfied motion. After he passed Uncle Billy Beemer’s cottonwood grove, the sidewalk emerged from the shadow into the bright moonlight and crossed the sandy gully on elevated posts, like a bridge. As the doctor got closer to this trestle, he spotted a white figure and recognized Thea Kronborg. He quickened his pace, and she came to meet him.
“What are you doing out so late, my girl?” he asked as he took her hand.
“What are you doing out so late, sweetie?” he asked as he took her hand.
“Oh, I don’t know. What do people go to bed so early for? I’d like to run along before the houses and screech at them. Isn’t it glorious out here?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Why do people go to bed so early? I’d love to run around outside and shout at the houses. Isn’t it amazing out here?”
The young doctor gave a melancholy laugh and pressed her hand.
The young doctor let out a sad laugh and squeezed her hand.
“Think of it,” Thea snorted impatiently. “Nobody up but us and the rabbits! I’ve started up half a dozen of ’em. Look at that little one down there now,”—she stooped and pointed. In the gully below them there was, indeed, a little rabbit with a white spot of a tail, crouching down on the sand, quite motionless. It seemed to be lapping up the moonlight like cream. On the other side of the walk, down in the ditch, there was a patch of tall, rank sunflowers, their shaggy leaves white with dust. The moon stood over the cottonwood grove. There was no wind, and no sound but the wheezing of an engine down on the tracks.
"Just think about it," Thea said with frustration. "It's just us and the rabbits! I've startled a bunch of them. Look at that little one down there,"—she bent down and pointed. In the gully below them was indeed a small rabbit with a white spot on its tail, crouching on the sand, perfectly still. It looked like it was drinking in the moonlight. On the other side of the path, in the ditch, there was a patch of tall, overgrown sunflowers, their shaggy leaves coated in dust. The moon hung over the cottonwood grove. There was no wind and the only sound was the wheezing of an engine on the tracks.
“Well, we may as well watch the rabbits.” Dr. Archie sat down on the sidewalk and let his feet hang over the edge. He pulled out a smooth linen handkerchief that smelled of German cologne water. “Well, how goes it? Working hard? You must know about all Wunsch can teach you by this time.”
“Well, we might as well watch the rabbits.” Dr. Archie sat down on the sidewalk and let his feet dangle over the edge. He took out a smooth linen handkerchief that smelled like German cologne. “So, how’s it going? Working hard? You must know everything Wunsch can teach you by now.”
Thea shook her head. “Oh, no, I don’t, Dr. Archie. He’s hard to get at, but he’s been a real musician in his time. Mother says she believes he’s forgotten more than the music-teachers down in Denver ever knew.”
Thea shook her head. “Oh, no, I don’t, Dr. Archie. He’s tough to reach, but he used to be a real musician. Mom says she thinks he’s forgotten more than all the music teachers down in Denver ever knew.”
“I’m afraid he won’t be around here much longer,” said Dr. Archie. “He’s been making a tank of himself lately. He’ll be pulling his freight one of these days. That’s the way they do, you know. I’ll be sorry on your account.” He paused and ran his fresh handkerchief over his face. “What the deuce are we all here for anyway, Thea?” he said abruptly.
“I’m afraid he won’t be here much longer,” Dr. Archie said. “He’s been making quite a scene lately. He’ll be out of here one of these days. That’s how it goes, you know. I’ll feel bad for you.” He paused and wiped his face with his clean handkerchief. “What the heck are we all doing here anyway, Thea?” he said suddenly.
“On earth, you mean?” Thea asked in a low voice.
“On Earth, you mean?” Thea asked softly.
“Well, primarily, yes. But secondarily, why are we in Moonstone? It isn’t as if we’d been born here. You were, but Wunsch wasn’t, and I wasn’t. I suppose I’m here because I married as soon as I got out of medical school and had to get a practice quick. If you hurry things, you always get left in the end. I don’t learn anything here, and as for the people—In my own town in Michigan, now, there were people who liked me on my father’s account, who had even known my grandfather. That meant something. But here it’s all like the sand: blows north one day and south the next. We’re all a lot of gamblers without much nerve, playing for small stakes. The railroad is the one real fact in this country. That has to be; the world has to be got back and forth. But the rest of us are here just because it’s the end of a run and the engine has to have a drink. Some day I’ll get up and find my hair turning gray, and I’ll have nothing to show for it.”
“Well, mainly, yes. But also, why are we in Moonstone? It’s not like we were born here. You were, but Wunsch and I weren’t. I guess I’m here because I got married right after finishing medical school and needed to start a practice quickly. When you rush things, you always end up lagging behind. I’m not learning anything here, and as for the people—back in my hometown in Michigan, there were folks who liked me because of my dad, some who even knew my grandfather. That meant something. But here it’s all like the sand: blowing north one day and south the next. We’re just a bunch of gamblers without much courage, playing for small bets. The railroad is the only real constant in this place. It has to be; the world needs to keep moving. But the rest of us are just here because it’s the end of a line and the engine needs a refill. One day, I’ll wake up and find my hair turning gray, and I won’t have anything to show for it.”
Thea slid closer to him and caught his arm. “No, no. I won’t let you get gray. You’ve got to stay young for me. I’m getting young now, too.”
Thea moved in closer and grabbed his arm. “No, no. I won’t let you go gray. You have to stay young for me. I’m getting younger now, too.”
Archie laughed. “Getting?”
Archie laughed. “Are you getting it?”
“Yes. People aren’t young when they’re children. Look at Thor, now; he’s just a little old man. But Gus has a sweetheart, and he’s young!”
“Yes. People aren’t really young when they’re children. Look at Thor now; he’s just a little old man. But Gus has a girlfriend, and he’s young!”
“Something in that!” Dr. Archie patted her head, and then felt the shape of her skull gently, with the tips of his fingers. “When you were little, Thea, I used always to be curious about the shape of your head. You seemed to have more inside it than most youngsters. I haven’t examined it for a long time. Seems to be the usual shape, but uncommonly hard, some how. What are you going to do with yourself, anyway?”
“There's something to that!” Dr. Archie patted her head and then gently felt the shape of her skull with his fingertips. “When you were little, Thea, I was always curious about the shape of your head. You seemed to have more going on in there than most kids. I haven’t examined it in a long time. It looks like the usual shape, but somehow it feels unusually hard. So, what are you planning to do with yourself, anyway?”
“I don’t know.”
"I don't know."
“Honest, now?” He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes.
"Are you being honest with me?" He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes.
Thea laughed and edged away from him.
Thea laughed and moved away from him.
“You’ve got something up your sleeve, haven’t you? Anything you like; only don’t marry and settle down here without giving yourself a chance, will you?”
“You have something planned, don’t you? Do whatever you want; just don’t get married and settle down here without giving yourself a real opportunity, okay?”
“Not much. See, there’s another rabbit!”
“Not much. Look, there’s another rabbit!”
“That’s all right about the rabbits, but I don’t want you to get tied up. Remember that.”
"That’s fine about the rabbits, but I don’t want you to get stuck. Keep that in mind."
Thea nodded. “Be nice to Wunsch, then. I don’t know what I’d do if he went away.”
Thea nodded. “Be nice to Wunsch, okay? I honestly don’t know what I’d do if he left.”
“You’ve got older friends than Wunsch here, Thea.”
“You have older friends than Wunsch here, Thea.”
“I know.” Thea spoke seriously and looked up at the moon, propping her chin on her hand. “But Wunsch is the only one that can teach me what I want to know. I’ve got to learn to do something well, and that’s the thing I can do best.”
“I know.” Thea said seriously, gazing up at the moon while resting her chin on her hand. “But Wunsch is the only one who can teach me what I want to learn. I need to get really good at something, and that’s what I can do best.”
“Do you want to be a music-teacher?”
“Do you want to be a music teacher?”
“Maybe, but I want to be a good one. I’d like to go to Germany to study, some day. Wunsch says that’s the best place,—the only place you can really learn.” Thea hesitated and then went on nervously, “I’ve got a book that says so, too. It’s called ‘My Musical Memories.’ It made me want to go to Germany even before Wunsch said anything. Of course it’s a secret. You’re the first one I’ve told.”
“Maybe, but I want to be a good one. I’d like to go to Germany to study someday. Wunsch says that’s the best place—the only place you can really learn.” Thea hesitated and then continued nervously, “I’ve got a book that says so, too. It’s called ‘My Musical Memories.’ It made me want to go to Germany even before Wunsch said anything. Of course, it’s a secret. You’re the first one I’ve told.”
Dr. Archie smiled indulgently. “That’s a long way off. Is that what you’ve got in your hard noddle?” He put his hand on her hair, but this time she shook him off.
Dr. Archie smiled gently. “That’s a long way off. Is that what you’re thinking?” He placed his hand on her hair, but this time she pushed him away.
“No, I don’t think much about it. But you talk about going, and a body has to have something to go to!”
“No, I don’t think about it much. But you keep talking about leaving, and a person needs to have something to go to!”
“That’s so.” Dr. Archie sighed. “You’re lucky if you have. Poor Wunsch, now, he hasn’t. What do such fellows come out here for? He’s been asking me about my mining stock, and about mining towns. What would he do in a mining town? He wouldn’t know a piece of ore if he saw one. He’s got nothing to sell that a mining town wants to buy. Why don’t those old fellows stay at home? We won’t need them for another hundred years. An engine wiper can get a job, but a piano player! Such people can’t make good.”
"That's right," Dr. Archie sighed. "You're lucky if you have. Poor Wunsch, on the other hand, hasn’t. What do guys like him come out here for? He’s been asking me about my mining stocks and mining towns. What would he even do in a mining town? He wouldn’t recognize a piece of ore if he saw one. He doesn’t have anything to offer that a mining town would need. Why don’t those old guys just stay home? We won’t need them for another hundred years. An engine wiper can find work, but a piano player? People like that can’t succeed."
“My grandfather Alstrom was a musician, and he made good.”
“My grandfather Alstrom was a musician, and he did well.”
Dr. Archie chuckled. “Oh, a Swede can make good anywhere, at anything! You’ve got that in your favor, miss. Come, you must be getting home.”
Dr. Archie chuckled. “Oh, a Swede can do well anywhere, at anything! You’ve got that on your side, miss. Come on, you must be getting home.”
Thea rose. “Yes, I used to be ashamed of being a Swede, but I’m not any more. Swedes are kind of common, but I think it’s better to be something.”
Thea stood up. “Yeah, I used to be embarrassed about being Swedish, but not anymore. Swedes might be a bit ordinary, but I think it’s better to be something.”
“It surely is! How tall you are getting. You come above my shoulder now.”
“It really is! You’re getting so tall. You’re above my shoulder now.”
“I’ll keep on growing, don’t you think? I particularly want to be tall. Yes, I guess I must go home. I wish there’d be a fire.”
“I’ll keep growing, don’t you think? I really want to be tall. Yeah, I guess I should head home. I wish there would be a fire.”
“A fire?”
"Is there a fire?"
“Yes, so the fire-bell would ring and the roundhouse whistle would blow, and everybody would come running out. Sometime I’m going to ring the fire-bell myself and stir them all up.”
“Yes, so the fire alarm would go off and the roundhouse whistle would blow, and everyone would come running out. One of these days, I'm going to set off the fire alarm myself and get them all stirred up.”
“You’d be arrested.”
"You'd get arrested."
“Well, that would be better than going to bed.”
“Well, that sounds better than going to bed.”
“I’ll have to lend you some more books.”
“I need to lend you some more books.”
Thea shook herself impatiently. “I can’t read every night.”
Thea shook herself, feeling impatient. “I can’t read every night.”
Dr. Archie gave one of his low, sympathetic chuckles as he opened the gate for her. “You’re beginning to grow up, that’s what’s the matter with you. I’ll have to keep an eye on you. Now you’ll have to say good-night to the moon.”
Dr. Archie let out a soft, understanding chuckle as he opened the gate for her. “You’re starting to grow up, and that’s what’s going on with you. I’ll need to keep an eye on you. Now you have to say goodnight to the moon.”
“No, I won’t. I sleep on the floor now, right in the moonlight. My window comes down to the floor, and I can look at the sky all night.”
“No, I won’t. I sleep on the floor now, right in the moonlight. My window goes all the way down to the floor, and I can look at the sky all night.”
She shot round the house to the kitchen door, and Dr. Archie watched her disappear with a sigh. He thought of the hard, mean, frizzy little woman who kept his house for him; once the belle of a Michigan town, now dry and withered up at thirty. “If I had a daughter like Thea to watch,” he reflected, “I wouldn’t mind anything. I wonder if all of my life’s going to be a mistake just because I made a big one then? Hardly seems fair.”
She raced around the house to the kitchen door, and Dr. Archie watched her vanish with a sigh. He thought of the harsh, unkind, frizzy little woman who took care of his house; once the star of a Michigan town, now dried up and shriveled at thirty. “If I had a daughter like Thea to look after,” he mused, “I wouldn’t mind anything. I wonder if my whole life is going to be a mistake just because I made a big one back then? That hardly seems fair.”
Howard Archie was “respected” rather than popular in Moonstone. Everyone recognized that he was a good physician, and a progressive Western town likes to be able to point to a handsome, well-set-up, well-dressed man among its citizens. But a great many people thought Archie “distant,” and they were right. He had the uneasy manner of a man who is not among his own kind, and who has not seen enough of the world to feel that all people are in some sense his own kind. He knew that every one was curious about his wife, that she played a sort of character part in Moonstone, and that people made fun of her, not very delicately. Her own friends—most of them women who were distasteful to Archie—liked to ask her to contribute to church charities, just to see how mean she could be. The little, lop-sided cake at the church supper, the cheapest pincushion, the skimpiest apron at the bazaar, were always Mrs. Archie’s contribution.
Howard Archie was “respected” rather than popular in Moonstone. Everyone recognized that he was a good doctor, and a forward-thinking Western town likes to highlight a handsome, well-built, well-dressed man among its citizens. But many people found Archie “distant,” and they were right. He had the uneasy manner of someone who doesn’t quite fit in and hasn’t seen enough of the world to feel that everyone is, in some way, his own kind. He understood that everyone was curious about his wife, that she played a sort of role in Moonstone, and that people poked fun at her, not very subtly. Her friends—most of them women Archie found unpleasant—liked to ask her to contribute to church charities, just to see how stingy she could be. The little, uneven cake at the church supper, the cheapest pincushion, the skinniest apron at the bazaar, were always Mrs. Archie’s contributions.
All this hurt the doctor’s pride. But if there was one thing he had learned, it was that there was no changing Belle’s nature. He had married a mean woman; and he must accept the consequences. Even in Colorado he would have had no pretext for divorce, and, to do him justice, he had never thought of such a thing. The tenets of the Presbyterian Church in which he had grown up, though he had long ceased to believe in them, still influenced his conduct and his conception of propriety. To him there was something vulgar about divorce. A divorced man was a disgraced man; at least, he had exhibited his hurt, and made it a matter for common gossip. Respectability was so necessary to Archie that he was willing to pay a high price for it. As long as he could keep up a decent exterior, he could manage to get on; and if he could have concealed his wife’s littleness from all his friends, he would scarcely have complained. He was more afraid of pity than he was of any unhappiness. Had there been another woman for whom he cared greatly, he might have had plenty of courage; but he was not likely to meet such a woman in Moonstone.
All of this hurt the doctor's pride. But if there was one thing he had learned, it was that Belle's nature couldn’t change. He had married a mean woman, and he had to accept the consequences. Even in Colorado, he wouldn’t have had a legitimate reason for divorce, and to be fair, he had never thought about it. The beliefs of the Presbyterian Church he grew up in, although he no longer believed in them, still affected his behavior and sense of propriety. To him, divorce felt somewhat tacky. A divorced man was a disgraced man; at the very least, he would have shown his hurt and turned it into gossip. Respectability was so important to Archie that he was willing to pay a steep price for it. As long as he could maintain a decent appearance, he could manage to get by; and if he could have hidden his wife’s smallness from all his friends, he would hardly have complained. He feared pity more than any unhappiness. If there had been another woman he truly cared about, he might have had plenty of courage, but he was unlikely to meet such a woman in Moonstone.
There was a puzzling timidity in Archie’s make-up. The thing that held his shoulders stiff, that made him resort to a mirthless little laugh when he was talking to dull people, that made him sometimes stumble over rugs and carpets, had its counterpart in his mind. He had not the courage to be an honest thinker. He could comfort himself by evasions and compromises. He consoled himself for his own marriage by telling himself that other people’s were not much better. In his work he saw pretty deeply into marital relations in Moonstone, and he could honestly say that there were not many of his friends whom he envied. Their wives seemed to suit them well enough, but they would never have suited him.
There was a confusing shyness in Archie’s personality. The stiffness in his shoulders, the way he would let out a humorless little laugh when talking to boring people, and the times he would trip over rugs and carpets all reflected what was going on in his mind. He lacked the courage to be a straightforward thinker. He could find comfort in avoiding harsh truths and making compromises. He reassured himself about his own marriage by convincing himself that other people’s relationships weren’t much better. In his work, he had a deep understanding of marital dynamics in Moonstone, and he could honestly say there weren’t many of his friends he envied. Their wives seemed to fit them well enough, but they would never have been right for him.
Although Dr. Archie could not bring himself to regard marriage merely as a social contract, but looked upon it as somehow made sacred by a church in which he did not believe,—as a physician he knew that a young man whose marriage is merely nominal must yet go on living his life. When he went to Denver or to Chicago, he drifted about in careless company where gayety and good-humor can be bought, not because he had any taste for such society, but because he honestly believed that anything was better than divorce. He often told himself that “hanging and wiving go by destiny.” If wiving went badly with a man,—and it did oftener than not,—then he must do the best he could to keep up appearances and help the tradition of domestic happiness along. The Moonstone gossips, assembled in Mrs. Smiley’s millinery and notion store, often discussed Dr. Archie’s politeness to his wife, and his pleasant manner of speaking about her. “Nobody has ever got a thing out of him yet,” they agreed. And it was certainly not because no one had ever tried.
Although Dr. Archie couldn’t see marriage as just a social contract and viewed it as something sacred tied to a church he didn’t believe in, he understood as a doctor that a young man with a merely nominal marriage had to keep living his life. When he traveled to Denver or Chicago, he found himself in carefree company where fun and laughter were for sale, not because he enjoyed that kind of crowd, but because he genuinely thought that anything was better than divorce. He often reminded himself that "hanging and wiving go by destiny." If marriage didn't work out well for a man—and it often didn't—then he had to do his best to maintain appearances and support the idea of domestic happiness. The gossips of Moonstone, gathered in Mrs. Smiley’s millinery and notion store, frequently talked about Dr. Archie’s politeness toward his wife and his friendly way of referring to her. “Nobody has ever gotten anything out of him yet,” they agreed. And it was certainly not because no one had ever tried.
When he was down in Denver, feeling a little jolly, Archie could forget how unhappy he was at home, and could even make himself believe that he missed his wife. He always bought her presents, and would have liked to send her flowers if she had not repeatedly told him never to send her anything but bulbs,—which did not appeal to him in his expansive moments. At the Denver Athletic Club banquets, or at dinner with his colleagues at the Brown Palace Hotel, he sometimes spoke sentimentally about “little Mrs. Archie,” and he always drank the toast “to our wives, God bless them!” with gusto.
When he was in Denver, feeling a bit cheerful, Archie could forget how unhappy he was at home and even convinced himself that he missed his wife. He always bought her gifts and would have liked to send her flowers if she hadn't repeatedly told him only to send her bulbs, which didn't excite him in those generous moments. At the Denver Athletic Club banquets or at dinner with his coworkers at the Brown Palace Hotel, he sometimes talked fondly about “little Mrs. Archie,” and he always toasted “to our wives, God bless them!” with enthusiasm.
The determining factor about Dr. Archie was that he was romantic. He had married Belle White because he was romantic—too romantic to know anything about women, except what he wished them to be, or to repulse a pretty girl who had set her cap for him. At medical school, though he was a rather wild boy in behavior, he had always disliked coarse jokes and vulgar stories. In his old Flint’s Physiology there was still a poem he had pasted there when he was a student; some verses by Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes about the ideals of the medical profession. After so much and such disillusioning experience with it, he still had a romantic feeling about the human body; a sense that finer things dwelt in it than could be explained by anatomy. He never jested about birth or death or marriage, and did not like to hear other doctors do it. He was a good nurse, and had a reverence for the bodies of women and children. When he was tending them, one saw him at his best. Then his constraint and self-consciousness fell away from him. He was easy, gentle, competent, master of himself and of other people. Then the idealist in him was not afraid of being discovered and ridiculed.
The key thing about Dr. Archie was that he was romantic. He married Belle White because of his romantic nature—too romantic to truly understand women, except for what he wanted them to be, or to turn down a pretty girl who was interested in him. In medical school, even though he had a bit of a wild side, he always avoided crude jokes and inappropriate stories. In his old Flint’s Physiology book, there was still a poem he had pasted in as a student; some verses by Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes about the ideals of the medical profession. Despite having faced a lot of disillusionment in the field, he still felt a romantic connection to the human body; he believed there was more to it than what anatomy could explain. He never made jokes about birth, death, or marriage, and he didn’t like hearing other doctors do it either. He was a great caregiver, with a deep respect for the bodies of women and children. When he was taking care of them, he was at his best. His usual restraint and self-consciousness would disappear. He became relaxed, gentle, skilled, and in control of himself and those around him. In those moments, the idealist in him wasn’t afraid of being exposed and laughed at.
In his tastes, too, the doctor was romantic. Though he read Balzac all the year through, he still enjoyed the Waverley Novels as much as when he had first come upon them, in thick leather-bound volumes, in his grandfather’s library. He nearly always read Scott on Christmas and holidays, because it brought back the pleasures of his boyhood so vividly. He liked Scott’s women. Constance de Beverley and the minstrel girl in “The Fair Maid of Perth,” not the Duchesse de Langeais, were his heroines. But better than anything that ever got from the heart of a man into printer’s ink, he loved the poetry of Robert Burns. “Death and Dr. Hornbook” and “The Jolly Beggars,” Burns’s “Reply to his Tailor,” he often read aloud to himself in his office, late at night, after a glass of hot toddy. He used to read “Tam o’Shanter” to Thea Kronborg, and he got her some of the songs, set to the old airs for which they were written. He loved to hear her sing them. Sometimes when she sang, “Oh, wert thou in the cauld blast,” the doctor and even Mr. Kronborg joined in. Thea never minded if people could not sing; she directed them with her head and somehow carried them along. When her father got off the pitch she let her own voice out and covered him.
In his preferences, the doctor was quite romantic. Although he read Balzac throughout the year, he still enjoyed the Waverley Novels just as much as when he first discovered them in thick leather-bound editions in his grandfather’s library. He almost always read Scott during Christmas and holidays because it brought back memories of his boyhood so clearly. He had a fondness for Scott’s female characters. His heroines were Constance de Beverley and the minstrel girl in “The Fair Maid of Perth,” not the Duchesse de Langeais. But more than anything that ever flowed from a man's heart into print, he cherished the poetry of Robert Burns. He often read “Death and Dr. Hornbook” and “The Jolly Beggars,” along with Burns’s “Reply to his Tailor,” aloud to himself in his office late at night after a glass of hot toddy. He used to read “Tam o’Shanter” to Thea Kronborg and got her some of the songs set to the old melodies for which they were written. He loved to hear her sing them. Sometimes when she sang, “Oh, wert thou in the cauld blast,” the doctor and even Mr. Kronborg joined in. Thea never minded if people couldn’t sing; she led them with her head and somehow kept them in tune. When her father lost his pitch, she would let her own voice ring out and cover him.
XIII
At the beginning of June, when school closed, Thea had told Wunsch that she didn’t know how much practicing she could get in this summer because Thor had his worst teeth still to cut.
At the start of June, when school ended, Thea told Wunsch that she wasn't sure how much practice she could get in this summer because Thor still had some tough teeth to come in.
“My God! all last summer he was doing that!” Wunsch exclaimed furiously.
“Oh my God! He was doing that all last summer!” Wunsch shouted angrily.
“I know, but it takes them two years, and Thor is slow,” Thea answered reprovingly.
“I know, but it takes them two years, and Thor is slow,” Thea replied disapprovingly.
The summer went well beyond her hopes, however. She told herself that it was the best summer of her life, so far. Nobody was sick at home, and her lessons were uninterrupted. Now that she had four pupils of her own and made a dollar a week, her practicing was regarded more seriously by the household. Her mother had always arranged things so that she could have the parlor four hours a day in summer. Thor proved a friendly ally. He behaved handsomely about his molars, and never objected to being pulled off into remote places in his cart. When Thea dragged him over the hill and made a camp under the shade of a bush or a bank, he would waddle about and play with his blocks, or bury his monkey in the sand and dig him up again. Sometimes he got into the cactus and set up a howl, but usually he let his sister read peacefully, while he coated his hands and face, first with an all-day sucker and then with gravel.
The summer exceeded her expectations, though. She told herself it was the best summer of her life so far. Nobody was sick at home, and her lessons went uninterrupted. Now that she had four students of her own and earned a dollar a week, her practicing was taken more seriously by the family. Her mother had always arranged things so she could have the parlor for four hours a day in the summer. Thor proved to be a helpful friend. He handled his dental issues well and never complained about being taken to far-off places in his cart. When Thea pulled him over the hill and set up camp under the shade of a bush or a bank, he would wander around and play with his blocks or bury his monkey in the sand and dig him up again. Sometimes he would get into the cactus and cry, but usually, he let his sister read quietly while he smeared his hands and face first with a lollipop and then with dirt.
Life was pleasant and uneventful until the first of September, when Wunsch began to drink so hard that he was unable to appear when Thea went to take her mid-week lesson, and Mrs. Kohler had to send her home after a tearful apology. On Saturday morning she set out for the Kohlers’ again, but on her way, when she was crossing the ravine, she noticed a woman sitting at the bottom of the gulch, under the railroad trestle. She turned from her path and saw that it was Mrs. Tellamantez, and she seemed to be doing drawn-work. Then Thea noticed that there was something beside her, covered up with a purple and yellow Mexican blanket. She ran up the gulch and called to Mrs. Tellamantez. The Mexican woman held up a warning finger. Thea glanced at the blanket and recognized a square red hand which protruded. The middle finger twitched slightly.
Life was nice and calm until September 1st, when Wunsch started drinking heavily, and he couldn’t show up for Thea’s mid-week lesson, forcing Mrs. Kohler to send her home after a tearful apology. On Saturday morning, she headed back to the Kohlers’ again, but on her way, as she crossed the ravine, she saw a woman sitting at the bottom of the gulch, under the railroad trestle. She changed her course and realized it was Mrs. Tellamantez, and it looked like she was doing some drawn-work. Then Thea noticed something next to her, covered by a purple and yellow Mexican blanket. She ran up the gulch and called out to Mrs. Tellamantez. The Mexican woman held up a warning finger. Thea glanced at the blanket and saw a square red hand sticking out. The middle finger twitched slightly.
“Is he hurt?” she gasped.
“Is he okay?” she gasped.
Mrs. Tellamantez shook her head. “No; very sick. He knows nothing,” she said quietly, folding her hands over her drawn-work.
Mrs. Tellamantez shook her head. “No; very sick. He doesn't know anything,” she said softly, folding her hands over her embroidery.
Thea learned that Wunsch had been out all night, that this morning Mrs. Kohler had gone to look for him and found him under the trestle covered with dirt and cinders. Probably he had been trying to get home and had lost his way. Mrs. Tellamantez was watching beside the unconscious man while Mrs. Kohler and Johnny went to get help.
Thea found out that Wunsch had been gone all night, and that morning Mrs. Kohler had gone searching for him and found him under the trestle, covered in dirt and ashes. He must have been trying to get home and lost his way. Mrs. Tellamantez was staying next to the unconscious man while Mrs. Kohler and Johnny went to get help.
“You better go home now, I think,” said Mrs. Tellamantez, in closing her narration.
“You should head home now, I think,” said Mrs. Tellamantez, finishing her story.
Thea hung her head and looked wistfully toward the blanket.
Thea lowered her head and gazed longingly at the blanket.
“Couldn’t I just stay till they come?” she asked. “I’d like to know if he’s very bad.”
“Can’t I just wait until they get here?” she asked. “I want to know if he’s really bad.”
“Bad enough,” sighed Mrs. Tellamantez, taking up her work again.
“Bad enough,” sighed Mrs. Tellamantez, picking up her work again.
Thea sat down under the narrow shade of one of the trestle posts and listened to the locusts rasping in the hot sand while she watched Mrs. Tellamantez evenly draw her threads. The blanket looked as if it were over a heap of bricks.
Thea sat down under the narrow shade of one of the trestle posts and listened to the locusts chirping in the hot sand while she watched Mrs. Tellamantez skillfully draw her threads. The blanket looked like it was draped over a pile of bricks.
“I don’t see him breathing any,” she said anxiously.
“I don’t see him breathing at all,” she said anxiously.
“Yes, he breathes,” said Mrs. Tellamantez, not lifting her eyes.
“Yes, he breathes,” Mrs. Tellamantez said, without looking up.
It seemed to Thea that they waited for hours. At last they heard voices, and a party of men came down the hill and up the gulch. Dr. Archie and Fritz Kohler came first; behind were Johnny and Ray, and several men from the roundhouse. Ray had the canvas litter that was kept at the depot for accidents on the road. Behind them trailed half a dozen boys who had been hanging round the depot.
It felt like Thea had been waiting for hours. Finally, they heard voices, and a group of men came down the hill and into the valley. Dr. Archie and Fritz Kohler were in the lead; following them were Johnny and Ray, along with several men from the roundhouse. Ray was carrying the canvas stretcher that was kept at the depot for emergencies on the road. Bringing up the rear were a handful of boys who had been loitering around the depot.
When Ray saw Thea, he dropped his canvas roll and hurried forward. “Better run along home, Thee. This is ugly business.” Ray was indignant that anybody who gave Thea music lessons should behave in such a manner.
When Ray saw Thea, he dropped his canvas roll and rushed over. “You should head home, Thee. This is messy business.” Ray was upset that anyone giving Thea music lessons would act this way.
Thea resented both his proprietary tone and his superior virtue. “I won’t. I want to know how bad he is. I’m not a baby!” she exclaimed indignantly, stamping her foot into the sand.
Thea was annoyed by his possessive tone and his sense of superiority. “I won’t. I want to know how bad he is. I’m not a kid!” she exclaimed angrily, stamping her foot into the sand.
Dr. Archie, who had been kneeling by the blanket, got up and came toward Thea, dusting his knees. He smiled and nodded confidentially. “He’ll be all right when we get him home. But he wouldn’t want you to see him like this, poor old chap! Understand? Now, skip!”
Dr. Archie, who had been kneeling beside the blanket, stood up and walked over to Thea, brushing off his knees. He smiled and nodded reassuringly. “He’ll be fine once we get him home. But he wouldn’t want you to see him like this, the poor guy! Got it? Now, go on!”
Thea ran down the gulch and looked back only once, to see them lifting the canvas litter with Wunsch upon it, still covered with the blanket.
Thea dashed down the ravine and glanced back just once, to see them raising the canvas stretcher with Wunsch on it, still covered by the blanket.
The men carried Wunsch up the hill and down the road to the Kohlers’. Mrs. Kohler had gone home and made up a bed in the sitting-room, as she knew the litter could not be got round the turn in the narrow stairway. Wunsch was like a dead man. He lay unconscious all day. Ray Kennedy stayed with him till two o’clock in the afternoon, when he had to go out on his run. It was the first time he had ever been inside the Kohlers’ house, and he was so much impressed by Napoleon that the piece-picture formed a new bond between him and Thea.
The men carried Wunsch up the hill and down the road to the Kohlers’ place. Mrs. Kohler had gone home and set up a bed in the sitting room since she knew the stretcher couldn’t get around the corner in the narrow stairway. Wunsch was like a lifeless body. He lay unconscious all day. Ray Kennedy stayed with him until two o’clock in the afternoon, when he had to leave for his run. It was the first time he had ever been inside the Kohlers’ house, and he was so impressed by the portrait of Napoleon that it created a new connection between him and Thea.
Dr. Archie went back at six o’clock, and found Mrs. Kohler and Spanish Johnny with Wunsch, who was in a high fever, muttering and groaning.
Dr. Archie returned at six o’clock and found Mrs. Kohler and Spanish Johnny with Wunsch, who was running a high fever, mumbling and groaning.
“There ought to be some one here to look after him to-night, Mrs. Kohler,” he said. “I’m on a confinement case, and I can’t be here, but there ought to be somebody. He may get violent.”
“There should be someone here to take care of him tonight, Mrs. Kohler,” he said. “I’m dealing with a confinement case, and I can’t be here, but there needs to be someone. He might get aggressive.”
Mrs. Kohler insisted that she could always do anything with Wunsch, but the doctor shook his head and Spanish Johnny grinned. He said he would stay. The doctor laughed at him. “Ten fellows like you couldn’t hold him, Spanish, if he got obstreperous; an Irishman would have his hands full. Guess I’d better put the soft pedal on him.” He pulled out his hypodermic.
Mrs. Kohler insisted that she could always handle Wunsch, but the doctor shook his head while Spanish Johnny smiled. He said he would stick around. The doctor laughed at him. “Ten guys like you couldn’t manage him, Spanish, if he got rowdy; an Irishman would have his hands full. I guess I’d better take it easy on him.” He pulled out his needle.
Spanish Johnny stayed, however, and the Kohlers went to bed. At about two o’clock in the morning Wunsch rose from his ignominious cot. Johnny, who was dozing on the lounge, awoke to find the German standing in the middle of the room in his undershirt and drawers, his arms bare, his heavy body seeming twice its natural girth. His face was snarling and savage, and his eyes were crazy. He had risen to avenge himself, to wipe out his shame, to destroy his enemy. One look was enough for Johnny. Wunsch raised a chair threateningly, and Johnny, with the lightness of a picador, darted under the missile and out of the open window. He shot across the gully to get help, meanwhile leaving the Kohlers to their fate.
Spanish Johnny stayed, but the Kohlers went to bed. Around two in the morning, Wunsch got up from his humiliating cot. Johnny, who had been dozing on the couch, woke up to see the German standing in the middle of the room in his undershirt and boxers, his arms bare, his heavy body looking twice its normal size. His face was twisted and wild, and his eyes were crazed. He had gotten up to get revenge, to erase his shame, to destroy his enemy. One glance was all it took for Johnny. Wunsch raised a chair threateningly, and Johnny, with the agility of a picador, darted under the projectile and out the open window. He dashed across the gully to get help, leaving the Kohlers to their fate.
Fritz, upstairs, heard the chair crash upon the stove. Then he heard doors opening and shutting, and some one stumbling about in the shrubbery of the garden. He and Paulina sat up in bed and held a consultation. Fritz slipped from under the covers, and going cautiously over to the window, poked out his head. Then he rushed to the door and bolted it.
Fritz, upstairs, heard the chair crash against the stove. Then he heard doors opening and closing, and someone stumbling around in the garden's shrubs. He and Paulina sat up in bed and discussed what to do. Fritz slipped out from under the covers and cautiously approached the window, peeking out. Then he hurried to the door and locked it.
“Mein Gott, Paulina,” he gasped, “he has the axe, he will kill us!”
“My God, Paulina,” he gasped, “he has the axe, he’s going to kill us!”
“The dresser,” cried Mrs. Kohler; “push the dresser before the door. Ach, if you had your rabbit gun, now!”
“The dresser,” shouted Mrs. Kohler; “push the dresser in front of the door. Ugh, if only you had your rabbit gun now!”
“It is in the barn,” said Fritz sadly. “It would do no good; he would not be afraid of anything now. Stay you in the bed, Paulina.” The dresser had lost its casters years ago, but he managed to drag it in front of the door. “He is in the garden. He makes nothing. He will get sick again, may-be.”
“It’s in the barn,” Fritz said sadly. “It wouldn’t help; he’s not afraid of anything now. You should stay in bed, Paulina.” The dresser had lost its wheels years ago, but he managed to pull it in front of the door. “He’s in the garden. He’s not doing anything. He might get sick again.”
Fritz went back to bed and his wife pulled the quilt over him and made him lie down. They heard stumbling in the garden again, then a smash of glass.
Fritz went back to bed, and his wife pulled the quilt over him to make him lie down. They heard someone stumbling in the garden again, followed by a crash of glass.
“Ach, das Mistbeet!” gasped Paulina, hearing her hotbed shivered. “The poor soul, Fritz, he will cut himself. Ach! what is that?” They both sat up in bed. “Wieder! Ach, What is he doing?”
“Oh, that damn hotbed!” gasped Paulina, hearing her hotbed shake. “The poor guy, Fritz, he’s going to hurt himself. Oh! What is that?” They both sat up in bed. “Again! Oh , what is he doing?”
The noise came steadily, a sound of chopping. Paulina tore off her night-cap. “Die Bäume, die Bäume! He is cutting our trees, Fritz!” Before her husband could prevent her, she had sprung from the bed and rushed to the window. “Der Taubenschlag! Gerechter Himmel, he is chopping the dove-house down!”
The noise kept coming, a sound like chopping. Paulina yanked off her nightcap. “The trees, the trees! He’s cutting down our trees, Fritz!” Before her husband could stop her, she jumped out of bed and ran to the window. “The dove house! Good heavens, he’s tearing down the dove house!”
Fritz reached her side before she had got her breath again, and poked his head out beside hers. There, in the faint starlight, they saw a bulky man, barefoot, half dressed, chopping away at the white post that formed the pedestal of the dove-house. The startled pigeons were croaking and flying about his head, even beating their wings in his face, so that he struck at them furiously with the axe. In a few seconds there was a crash, and Wunsch had actually felled the dove-house.
Fritz got to her side before she could catch her breath and poked his head out next to hers. In the dim starlight, they spotted a large man, barefoot and half-dressed, chopping away at the white post that supported the dove-house. The startled pigeons were cooing and flapping around his head, even hitting him in the face with their wings, prompting him to swing the axe at them in anger. Within moments, there was a loud crash, and Wunsch had actually knocked down the dove-house.
“Oh, if only it is not the trees next!” prayed Paulina. “The dove-house you can make new again, but not die Bäume.”
“Oh, I hope it’s not the trees next!” Paulina prayed. “You can rebuild the dove-house, but not die Bäume.”
They watched breathlessly. In the garden below Wunsch stood in the attitude of a woodman, contemplating the fallen cote. Suddenly he threw the axe over his shoulder and went out of the front gate toward the town.
They watched eagerly. In the garden below, Wunsch stood like a lumberjack, looking at the fallen structure. Suddenly, he tossed the axe over his shoulder and walked out of the front gate toward the town.
“The poor soul, he will meet his death!” Mrs. Kohler wailed. She ran back to her feather bed and hid her face in the pillow.
“The poor soul, he's going to meet his end!” Mrs. Kohler cried out. She dashed back to her feather bed and buried her face in the pillow.
Fritz kept watch at the window. “No, no, Paulina,” he called presently; “I see lanterns coming. Johnny must have gone for somebody. Yes, four lanterns, coming along the gulch. They stop; they must have seen him already. Now they are under the hill and I cannot see them, but I think they have him. They will bring him back. I must dress and go down.” He caught his trousers and began pulling them on by the window. “Yes, here they come, half a dozen men. And they have tied him with a rope, Paulina!”
Fritz kept an eye out the window. “No, no, Paulina,” he called after a moment; “I see lanterns coming. Johnny must have gone to get someone. Yes, four lanterns, coming up the gulch. They’ve stopped; they must have spotted him already. Now they’re under the hill and I can’t see them, but I think they’ve got him. They’ll bring him back. I need to get dressed and go down.” He grabbed his pants and started putting them on by the window. “Yes, here they come, about six men. And they’ve tied him up with a rope, Paulina!”
“Ach, the poor man! To be led like a cow,” groaned Mrs. Kohler. “Oh, it is good that he has no wife!” She was reproaching herself for nagging Fritz when he drank himself into foolish pleasantry or mild sulks, and felt that she had never before appreciated her blessings.
“Oh, that poor guy! To be treated like a cow,” sighed Mrs. Kohler. “Thank goodness he doesn't have a wife!” She was feeling guilty for nagging Fritz when he got drunk and acted silly or sulked a bit, and she realized that she had never truly appreciated her blessings before.
Wunsch was in bed for ten days, during which time he was gossiped about and even preached about in Moonstone. The Baptist preacher took a shot at the fallen man from his pulpit, Mrs. Livery Johnson nodding approvingly from her pew. The mothers of Wunsch’s pupils sent him notes informing him that their daughters would discontinue their music-lessons. The old maid who had rented him her piano sent the town dray for her contaminated instrument, and ever afterward declared that Wunsch had ruined its tone and scarred its glossy finish. The Kohlers were unremitting in their kindness to their friend. Mrs. Kohler made him soups and broths without stint, and Fritz repaired the dove-house and mounted it on a new post, lest it might be a sad reminder.
Wunsch was in bed for ten days, during which he was the talk of the town and even the subject of sermons in Moonstone. The Baptist preacher took a jab at the fallen man from his pulpit, while Mrs. Livery Johnson nodded approvingly from her pew. The mothers of Wunsch’s students sent him notes saying their daughters would stop taking music lessons. The old maid who rented him her piano sent the town's wagon to pick up her damaged instrument and later claimed that Wunsch had ruined its sound and scratched its shiny finish. The Kohlers were relentless in their support for their friend. Mrs. Kohler made him soups and broths without holding back, and Fritz repaired the dove-house and put it on a new post, so it wouldn’t be a sad reminder.
As soon as Wunsch was strong enough to sit about in his slippers and wadded jacket, he told Fritz to bring him some stout thread from the shop. When Fritz asked what he was going to sew, he produced the tattered score of “Orpheus” and said he would like to fix it up for a little present. Fritz carried it over to the shop and stitched it into pasteboards, covered with dark suiting-cloth. Over the stitches he glued a strip of thin red leather which he got from his friend, the harness-maker. After Paulina had cleaned the pages with fresh bread, Wunsch was amazed to see what a fine book he had. It opened stiffly, but that was no matter.
As soon as Wunsch was strong enough to sit around in his slippers and padded jacket, he told Fritz to bring him some sturdy thread from the shop. When Fritz asked what he was going to sew, he pulled out the worn score of “Orpheus” and said he’d like to fix it up as a little gift. Fritz took it over to the shop and stitched it into thick cardboard, covered with dark fabric. Over the stitches, he glued a strip of thin red leather that he got from his friend, the harness-maker. After Paulina cleaned the pages with fresh bread, Wunsch was amazed to see what a nice book he now had. It opened stiffly, but that didn’t matter.
Sitting in the arbor one morning, under the ripe grapes and the brown, curling leaves, with a pen and ink on the bench beside him and the Gluck score on his knee, Wunsch pondered for a long while. Several times he dipped the pen in the ink, and then put it back again in the cigar box in which Mrs. Kohler kept her writing utensils. His thoughts wandered over a wide territory; over many countries and many years. There was no order or logical sequence in his ideas. Pictures came and went without reason. Faces, mountains, rivers, autumn days in other vineyards far away. He thought of a Fuszreise he had made through the Hartz Mountains in his student days; of the innkeeper’s pretty daughter who had lighted his pipe for him in the garden one summer evening, of the woods above Wiesbaden, haymakers on an island in the river. The roundhouse whistle woke him from his reveries. Ah, yes, he was in Moonstone, Colorado. He frowned for a moment and looked at the book on his knee. He had thought of a great many appropriate things to write in it, but suddenly he rejected all of them, opened the book, and at the top of the much-engraved title-page he wrote rapidly in purple ink:—
Sitting in the arbor one morning, under the ripe grapes and the brown, curling leaves, with a pen and ink on the bench beside him and the Gluck score on his knee, Wunsch thought deeply for a long time. Several times he dipped the pen in the ink, only to put it back in the cigar box where Mrs. Kohler kept her writing supplies. His thoughts drifted over a broad landscape; many countries and years. There was no order or logical flow to his ideas. Images came and went randomly. Faces, mountains, rivers, autumn days in distant vineyards. He remembered a hike he took through the Hartz Mountains back in his student days; the innkeeper’s pretty daughter who lit his pipe for him in the garden one summer evening, the woods above Wiesbaden, haymakers on an island in the river. The whistle from the roundhouse pulled him out of his daydream. Ah, right, he was in Moonstone, Colorado. He frowned for a moment and looked at the book on his knee. He had considered many fitting things to write in it, but suddenly he dismissed them all, opened the book, and at the top of the heavily engraved title page, he quickly wrote in purple ink:—
Einst, O Wunder!—
Once, oh wonder!—
A. Wunsch.
A. Wish.
Moonstone, Colo.
September 30, 18—
Moonstone, CO
September 30, 18—
Nobody in Moonstone ever found what Wunsch’s first name was. That “A” may have stood for Adam, or August, or even Amadeus; he got very angry if any one asked him.
Nobody in Moonstone ever discovered what Wunsch’s first name was. That “A” could have stood for Adam, August, or even Amadeus; he got really angry if anyone asked him.
He remained A. Wunsch to the end of his chapter there. When he presented this score to Thea, he told her that in ten years she would either know what the inscription meant, or she would not have the least idea, in which case it would not matter.
He stayed A. Wunsch until the end of his chapter there. When he showed this score to Thea, he said that in ten years she would either understand what the inscription meant, or she wouldn't have a clue, and in that case, it wouldn't matter.
When Wunsch began to pack his trunk, both the Kohlers were very unhappy. He said he was coming back some day, but that for the present, since he had lost all his pupils, it would be better for him to try some “new town.” Mrs. Kohler darned and mended all his clothes, and gave him two new shirts she had made for Fritz. Fritz made him a new pair of trousers and would have made him an overcoat but for the fact that overcoats were so easy to pawn.
When Wunsch started to pack his trunk, both the Kohlers were really upset. He mentioned that he would come back someday, but for now, since he had lost all his students, it would be better for him to try a “new town.” Mrs. Kohler repaired all his clothes and gave him two new shirts she had made for Fritz. Fritz made him a new pair of pants and would have made him a coat, but they were so easy to pawn.
Wunsch would not go across the ravine to the town until he went to take the morning train for Denver. He said that after he got to Denver he would “look around.” He left Moonstone one bright October morning, without telling any one good-bye. He bought his ticket and went directly into the smoking-car. When the train was beginning to pull out, he heard his name called frantically, and looking out of the window he saw Thea Kronborg standing on the siding, bareheaded and panting. Some boys had brought word to school that they saw Wunsch’s trunk going over to the station, and Thea had run away from school. She was at the end of the station platform, her hair in two braids, her blue gingham dress wet to the knees because she had run across lots through the weeds. It had rained during the night, and the tall sunflowers behind her were fresh and shining.
Wunsch wouldn’t cross the ravine to the town until he was ready to catch the morning train to Denver. He mentioned that once he got to Denver, he would “check things out.” He left Moonstone one sunny October morning without saying goodbye to anyone. He bought his ticket and went straight to the smoking car. As the train started to pull out, he heard someone calling his name in a panic. Looking out the window, he saw Thea Kronborg standing on the platform, bareheaded and out of breath. Some boys had told the school that they saw Wunsch’s trunk heading to the station, and Thea had bolted from school. She was at the end of the station platform, her hair in two braids and her blue gingham dress soaked to the knees because she had dashed through the weeds. It had rained during the night, and the tall sunflowers behind her were fresh and glowing.
“Good-bye, Herr Wunsch, good-bye!” she called waving to him.
“Goodbye, Mr. Wunsch, goodbye!” she called, waving to him.
He thrust his head out at the car window and called back, “Leben sie wohl, leben sie wohl, mein Kind!” He watched her until the train swept around the curve beyond the roundhouse, and then sank back into his seat, muttering, “She had been running. Ah, she will run a long way; they cannot stop her!”
He leaned out of the car window and shouted back, “Take care, take care, my child!” He watched her until the train rounded the bend past the roundhouse, and then sank back into his seat, muttering, “She had been running. Ah, she will run far; they can’t stop her!”
What was it about the child that one believed in? Was it her dogged industry, so unusual in this free-and-easy country? Was it her imagination? More likely it was because she had both imagination and a stubborn will, curiously balancing and interpenetrating each other. There was something unconscious and unawakened about her, that tempted curiosity. She had a kind of seriousness that he had not met with in a pupil before. She hated difficult things, and yet she could never pass one by. They seemed to challenge her; she had no peace until she mastered them. She had the power to make a great effort, to lift a weight heavier than herself. Wunsch hoped he would always remember her as she stood by the track, looking up at him; her broad eager face, so fair in color, with its high cheek-bones, yellow eyebrows and greenishhazel eyes. It was a face full of light and energy, of the unquestioning hopefulness of first youth. Yes, she was like a flower full of sun, but not the soft German flowers of his childhood. He had it now, the comparison he had absently reached for before: she was like the yellow prickly pear blossoms that open there in the desert; thornier and sturdier than the maiden flowers he remembered; not so sweet, but wonderful.
What was it about the child that made people believe in her? Was it her relentless work ethic, so uncommon in this laid-back country? Was it her creativity? More likely, it was because she had both creativity and a stubborn will, which strangely balanced and intertwined with each other. There was something unconscious and dormant about her that sparked curiosity. She possessed a kind of seriousness that he had never encountered in a student before. She disliked difficult tasks, yet she could never ignore them. They seemed to challenge her; she felt restless until she conquered them. She had the ability to exert great effort, to lift something heavier than herself. Wunsch hoped he would always remember her as she stood by the track, looking up at him; her broad, eager face, so fair in complexion, with high cheekbones, yellow eyebrows, and greenish-hazel eyes. It was a face full of light and energy, embodying the unquestioning hopefulness of youth. Yes, she was like a flower vibrant with sunlight, but not the soft German flowers of his childhood. He finally had the comparison he had absentmindedly reached for before: she was like the yellow prickly pear blossoms that bloom in the desert; thornier and tougher than the gentle flowers he remembered; not as sweet, but remarkable.
That night Mrs. Kohler brushed away many a tear as she got supper and set the table for two. When they sat down, Fritz was more silent than usual. People who have lived long together need a third at table: they know each other’s thoughts so well that they have nothing left to say. Mrs. Kohler stirred and stirred her coffee and clattered the spoon, but she had no heart for her supper. She felt, for the first time in years, that she was tired of her own cooking. She looked across the glass lamp at her husband and asked him if the butcher liked his new overcoat, and whether he had got the shoulders right in a ready-made suit he was patching over for Ray Kennedy. After supper Fritz offered to wipe the dishes for her, but she told him to go about his business, and not to act as if she were sick or getting helpless.
That night, Mrs. Kohler wiped away many tears while she prepared dinner and set the table for two. When they sat down, Fritz was quieter than usual. Couples who have been together for a long time often need a third person at the table; they understand each other's thoughts so well that they have nothing left to talk about. Mrs. Kohler stirred her coffee and clinked the spoon, but she had no appetite for her dinner. For the first time in years, she felt tired of her own cooking. She glanced across the glass lamp at her husband and asked him if the butcher liked his new overcoat and whether he got the shoulders right on the ready-made suit he was fixing for Ray Kennedy. After dinner, Fritz offered to wash the dishes for her, but she told him to mind his own business and not to act like she was sick or becoming helpless.
When her work in the kitchen was all done, she went out to cover the oleanders against frost, and to take a last look at her chickens. As she came back from the hen-house she stopped by one of the linden trees and stood resting her hand on the trunk. He would never come back, the poor man; she knew that. He would drift on from new town to new town, from catastrophe to catastrophe. He would hardly find a good home for himself again. He would die at last in some rough place, and be buried in the desert or on the wild prairie, far enough from any linden tree!
When she finished her work in the kitchen, she went outside to cover the oleanders from frost and to take one last look at her chickens. As she walked back from the hen house, she paused by one of the linden trees and rested her hand on the trunk. He would never return, the poor man; she understood that. He would move from one town to another, from disaster to disaster. He would barely find a decent home for himself again. In the end, he would die in some rough spot, buried in the desert or on the wild prairie, far away from any linden tree!
Fritz, smoking his pipe on the kitchen doorstep, watched his Paulina and guessed her thoughts. He, too, was sorry to lose his friend. But Fritz was getting old; he had lived a long while and had learned to lose without struggle.
Fritz, smoking his pipe on the kitchen step, watched his Paulina and tried to read her thoughts. He felt sad to lose his friend too. But Fritz was getting older; he had lived a long life and had learned to let go without a fight.
XIV
“Mother,” said Peter Kronborg to his wife one morning about two weeks after Wunsch’s departure, “how would you like to drive out to Copper Hole with me to-day?”
“Mom,” Peter Kronborg said to his wife one morning about two weeks after Wunsch left, “how would you feel about driving out to Copper Hole with me today?”
Mrs. Kronborg said she thought she would enjoy the drive. She put on her gray cashmere dress and gold watch and chain, as befitted a minister’s wife, and while her husband was dressing she packed a black oilcloth satchel with such clothing as she and Thor would need overnight.
Mrs. Kronborg said she thought she would enjoy the drive. She put on her gray cashmere dress and gold watch and chain, as was suitable for a minister’s wife, and while her husband was getting ready, she packed a black oilcloth bag with the clothes she and Thor would need overnight.
Copper Hole was a settlement fifteen miles northwest of Moonstone where Mr. Kronborg preached every Friday evening. There was a big spring there and a creek and a few irrigating ditches. It was a community of discouraged agriculturists who had disastrously experimented with dry farming. Mr. Kronborg always drove out one day and back the next, spending the night with one of his parishioners. Often, when the weather was fine, his wife accompanied him. To-day they set out from home after the midday meal, leaving Tillie in charge of the house. Mrs. Kronborg’s maternal feeling was always garnered up in the baby, whoever the baby happened to be. If she had the baby with her, the others could look out for themselves. Thor, of course, was not, accurately speaking, a baby any longer. In the matter of nourishment he was quite independent of his mother, though this independence had not been won without a struggle. Thor was conservative in all things, and the whole family had anguished with him when he was being weaned. Being the youngest, he was still the baby for Mrs. Kronborg, though he was nearly four years old and sat up boldly on her lap this afternoon, holding on to the ends of the lines and shouting “’mup, ’mup, horsey.” His father watched him affectionately and hummed hymn tunes in the jovial way that was sometimes such a trial to Thea.
Copper Hole was a settlement fifteen miles northwest of Moonstone where Mr. Kronborg preached every Friday evening. There was a big spring, a creek, and a few irrigation ditches. It was a community of discouraged farmers who had poorly attempted dry farming. Mr. Kronborg always drove out one day and back the next, spending the night with one of his parishioners. Often, when the weather was nice, his wife would go with him. Today, they left home after lunch, leaving Tillie in charge of the house. Mrs. Kronborg’s maternal instincts were always focused on the baby, whoever that happened to be. If she had the baby with her, the others could fend for themselves. Thor, of course, was no longer a baby in the strictest sense. He was quite independent in terms of food, although this independence hadn’t come easily. Thor was conservative in all things, and the whole family had endured a tough time when he was being weaned. Being the youngest, he was still considered the baby by Mrs. Kronborg, even though he was nearly four years old and sat confidently on her lap this afternoon, gripping the ends of the reins and shouting “’mup, ’mup, horsey.” His father watched him lovingly and hummed hymn tunes in the cheerful way that sometimes frustrated Thea.
Mrs. Kronborg was enjoying the sunshine and the brilliant sky and all the faintly marked features of the dazzling, monotonous landscape. She had a rather unusual capacity for getting the flavor of places and of people. Although she was so enmeshed in family cares most of the time, she could emerge serene when she was away from them. For a mother of seven, she had a singularly unprejudiced point of view. She was, moreover, a fatalist, and as she did not attempt to direct things beyond her control, she found a good deal of time to enjoy the ways of man and nature.
Mrs. Kronborg was soaking up the sunshine, the bright sky, and all the subtly defined features of the striking, unchanging landscape. She had a unique ability to appreciate the essence of places and people. Even though she was usually caught up in family responsibilities, she could feel at peace when she stepped away from them. As a mother of seven, she had a surprisingly open-minded perspective. Additionally, she was a fatalist, and since she didn’t try to control what was beyond her reach, she had plenty of time to enjoy the quirks of humanity and nature.
When they were well upon their road, out where the first lean pasture lands began and the sand grass made a faint showing between the sagebrushes, Mr. Kronborg dropped his tune and turned to his wife. “Mother, I’ve been thinking about something.”
When they were well on their way, out where the first sparse pastures started and the sand grass barely peeked through the sagebrush, Mr. Kronborg stopped singing and turned to his wife. “Hey, Mother, I’ve been thinking about something.”
“I guessed you had. What is it?” She shifted Thor to her left knee, where he would be more out of the way.
“I thought you might have. What is it?” She moved Thor to her left knee, where he would be more out of the way.
“Well, it’s about Thea. Mr. Follansbee came to my study at the church the other day and said they would like to have their two girls take lessons of Thea. Then I sounded Miss Meyers” (Miss Meyers was the organist in Mr. Kronborg’s church) “and she said there was a good deal of talk about whether Thea wouldn’t take over Wunsch’s pupils. She said if Thea stopped school she wouldn’t wonder if she could get pretty much all Wunsch’s class. People think Thea knows about all Wunsch could teach.”
“Well, it’s about Thea. Mr. Follansbee came to my office at the church the other day and said they would like their two girls to take lessons with Thea. Then I checked with Miss Meyers” (Miss Meyers was the organist in Mr. Kronborg’s church) “and she mentioned there was a lot of discussion about whether Thea would take over Wunsch’s students. She said if Thea dropped out of school, she wouldn’t be surprised if she could get nearly all of Wunsch’s class. People believe Thea knows everything Wunsch could teach.”
Mrs. Kronborg looked thoughtful. “Do you think we ought to take her out of school so young?”
Mrs. Kronborg looked pensive. “Do you think we should pull her out of school at such a young age?”
“She is young, but next year would be her last year anyway. She’s far along for her age. And she can’t learn much under the principal we’ve got now, can she?”
“She’s young, but next year will be her last year anyway. She’s advanced for her age. And she can’t learn much with the principal we have now, can she?”
“No, I’m afraid she can’t,” his wife admitted. “She frets a good deal and says that man always has to look in the back of the book for the answers. She hates all that diagramming they have to do, and I think myself it’s a waste of time.”
“No, I’m afraid she can’t,” his wife admitted. “She worries a lot and says that a man always has to look in the back of the book for answers. She hates all that diagramming they have to do, and I think it’s a waste of time too.”
Mr. Kronborg settled himself back into the seat and slowed the mare to a walk. “You see, it occurs to me that we might raise Thea’s prices, so it would be worth her while. Seventy-five cents for hour lessons, fifty cents for half-hour lessons. If she got, say two thirds of Wunsch’s class, that would bring her in upwards of ten dollars a week. Better pay than teaching a country school, and there would be more work in vacation than in winter. Steady work twelve months in the year; that’s an advantage. And she’d be living at home, with no expenses.”
Mr. Kronborg settled back into his seat and slowed the mare to a walk. “You know, I was thinking that we could raise Thea’s prices, make it more worth her time. Seventy-five cents for hour-long lessons, fifty cents for half-hour lessons. If she got about two-thirds of Wunsch’s class, she could make over ten dollars a week. That’s better pay than teaching at a country school, and there would be more work during vacations than in the winter. Steady work all year round; that’s a plus. Plus, she'd be living at home, so she'd have no expenses.”
“There’d be talk if you raised her prices,” said Mrs. Kronborg dubiously.
“There’d be gossip if you raised her prices,” said Mrs. Kronborg doubtfully.
“At first there would. But Thea is so much the best musician in town that they’d all come into line after a while. A good many people in Moonstone have been making money lately, and have bought new pianos. There were ten new pianos shipped in here from Denver in the last year. People ain’t going to let them stand idle; too much money invested. I believe Thea can have as many scholars as she can handle, if we set her up a little.”
“At first, there would be some resistance. But Thea is so much the best musician in town that they’d all fall in line eventually. A lot of people in Moonstone have been making money lately and have bought new pianos. Ten new pianos were shipped in here from Denver in the last year. People aren’t going to let them sit unused; too much money has been invested. I believe Thea can have as many students as she can manage if we help her out a bit.”
“How set her up, do you mean?” Mrs. Kronborg felt a certain reluctance about accepting this plan, though she had not yet had time to think out her reasons.
“How do you mean to set her up?” Mrs. Kronborg felt a bit hesitant about agreeing to this plan, even though she hadn’t had a chance to sort out her reasons yet.
“Well, I’ve been thinking for some time we could make good use of another room. We couldn’t give up the parlor to her all the time. If we built another room on the ell and put the piano in there, she could give lessons all day long and it wouldn’t bother us. We could build a clothes-press in it, and put in a bed-lounge and a dresser and let Anna have it for her sleeping-room. She needs a place of her own, now that she’s beginning to be dressy.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking for a while that we could really use another room. We can’t give up the parlor to her all the time. If we build another room on the side and put the piano in there, she could give lessons all day long without bothering us. We could also add a closet, a bed, and a dresser, and let Anna have it as her bedroom. She needs her own space now that she’s starting to get into fashion.”
“Seems like Thea ought to have the choice of the room, herself,” said Mrs. Kronborg.
“Looks like Thea should be able to choose the room for herself,” said Mrs. Kronborg.
“But, my dear, she don’t want it. Won’t have it. I sounded her coming home from church on Sunday; asked her if she would like to sleep in a new room, if we built on. She fired up like a little wild-cat and said she’d made her own room all herself, and she didn’t think anybody ought to take it away from her.”
“But, my dear, she doesn’t want it. Won’t have it. I asked her when she got home from church on Sunday if she would like to sleep in a new room if we built one. She got really upset and said she’d made her own room all by herself, and she didn’t think anyone should take it away from her.”
“She don’t mean to be impertinent, father. She’s made decided that way, like my father.” Mrs. Kronborg spoke warmly. “I never have any trouble with the child. I remember my father’s ways and go at her carefully. Thea’s all right.”
“She doesn't mean to be rude, dad. She's just like that, just like my father.” Mrs. Kronborg said affectionately. “I never have any issues with her. I remember how my father was and I approach her gently. Thea’s doing fine.”
Mr. Kronborg laughed indulgently and pinched Thor’s full cheek. “Oh, I didn’t mean anything against your girl, mother! She’s all right, but she’s a little wild-cat, just the same. I think Ray Kennedy’s planning to spoil a born old maid.”
Mr. Kronborg laughed kindly and pinched Thor’s chubby cheek. “Oh, I didn’t mean anything bad about your girl, Mom! She’s fine, but she’s a bit of a wild child, just the same. I think Ray Kennedy’s planning to ruin a natural old maid.”
“Huh! She’ll get something a good sight better than Ray Kennedy, you see! Thea’s an awful smart girl. I’ve seen a good many girls take music lessons in my time, but I ain’t seen one that took to it so. Wunsch said so, too. She’s got the making of something in her.”
“Huh! She’ll get something much better than Ray Kennedy, you know! Thea’s a really smart girl. I’ve seen a lot of girls take music lessons over the years, but I haven’t seen anyone who took to it like she does. Wunsch said the same thing. She’s got the potential to be something great.”
“I don’t deny that, and the sooner she gets at it in a businesslike way, the better. She’s the kind that takes responsibility, and it’ll be good for her.”
“I won’t deny that, and the sooner she approaches it in a professional way, the better. She’s the type who takes responsibility, and it’ll be good for her.”
Mrs. Kronborg was thoughtful. “In some ways it will, maybe. But there’s a good deal of strain about teaching youngsters, and she’s always worked so hard with the scholars she has. I’ve often listened to her pounding it into ’em. I don’t want to work her too hard. She’s so serious that she’s never had what you might call any real childhood. Seems like she ought to have the next few years sort of free and easy. She’ll be tied down with responsibilities soon enough.”
Mrs. Kronborg was deep in thought. “In some ways, it probably will. But teaching kids is pretty stressful, and she's always put in a lot of effort with the students she has. I’ve often heard her drilling them. I don’t want to push her too hard. She’s so serious that she’s never really had what you’d call a proper childhood. It feels like she deserves to have the next few years be a bit more relaxed. She’ll have plenty of responsibilities soon enough.”
Mr. Kronborg patted his wife’s arm. “Don’t you believe it, mother. Thea is not the marrying kind. I’ve watched ’em. Anna will marry before long and make a good wife, but I don’t see Thea bringing up a family. She’s got a good deal of her mother in her, but she hasn’t got all. She’s too peppery and too fond of having her own way. Then she’s always got to be ahead in everything. That kind make good church-workers and missionaries and school teachers, but they don’t make good wives. They fret all their energy away, like colts, and get cut on the wire.”
Mr. Kronborg patted his wife’s arm. “Don’t believe that, mom. Thea isn’t the kind to get married. I’ve seen it. Anna will marry soon and be a good wife, but I don’t see Thea raising a family. She has a lot of her mother in her, but she doesn’t have it all. She’s too fiery and too eager to have her own way. Plus, she always has to be ahead in everything. Those types make good church volunteers, missionaries, and teachers, but they don’t make good wives. They burn all their energy on trying to keep up, like young horses, and end up getting hurt.”
Mrs. Kronborg laughed. “Give me the graham crackers I put in your pocket for Thor. He’s hungry. You’re a funny man, Peter. A body wouldn’t think, to hear you, you was talking about your own daughters. I guess you see through ’em. Still, even if Thea ain’t apt to have children of her own, I don’t know as that’s a good reason why she should wear herself out on other people’s.”
Mrs. Kronborg laughed. “Give me the graham crackers I put in your pocket for Thor. He’s hungry. You’re a funny guy, Peter. You wouldn’t think, listening to you, that you were talking about your own daughters. I guess you see right through them. Still, even if Thea isn’t likely to have kids of her own, I don’t think that’s a good reason for her to wear herself out on other people’s.”
“That’s just the point, mother. A girl with all that energy has got to do something, same as a boy, to keep her out of mischief. If you don’t want her to marry Ray, let her do something to make herself independent.”
"That’s exactly the point, Mom. A girl with that much energy needs to do something, just like a boy, to stay out of trouble. If you don’t want her to marry Ray, let her do something that makes her independent."
“Well, I’m not against it. It might be the best thing for her. I wish I felt sure she wouldn’t worry. She takes things hard. She nearly cried herself sick about Wunsch’s going away. She’s the smartest child of ’em all, Peter, by a long ways.”
“Well, I’m not opposed to it. It could be the best thing for her. I wish I felt confident she wouldn’t stress about it. She takes things really hard. She almost cried herself sick over Wunsch leaving. She’s by far the smartest kid of them all, Peter.”
Peter Kronborg smiled. “There you go, Anna. That’s you all over again. Now, I have no favorites; they all have their good points. But you,” with a twinkle, “always did go in for brains.”
Peter Kronborg smiled. “There you go, Anna. That’s so you. Now, I don’t have favorites; they all have their strengths. But you,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “always did appreciate intelligence.”
Mrs. Kronborg chuckled as she wiped the cracker crumbs from Thor’s chin and fists. “Well, you’re mighty conceited, Peter! But I don’t know as I ever regretted it. I prefer having a family of my own to fussing with other folks’ children, that’s the truth.”
Mrs. Kronborg chuckled as she wiped the cracker crumbs from Thor’s chin and fists. “Well, you’re really full of yourself, Peter! But I can’t say I ever regretted it. I’d rather have my own family than deal with other people’s kids, that’s for sure.”
Before the Kronborgs reached Copper Hole, Thea’s destiny was pretty well mapped out for her. Mr. Kronborg was always delighted to have an excuse for enlarging the house.
Before the Kronborgs reached Copper Hole, Thea's future was pretty much set for her. Mr. Kronborg was always happy to have a reason to expand the house.
Mrs. Kronborg was quite right in her conjecture that there would be unfriendly comment in Moonstone when Thea raised her prices for music-lessons. People said she was getting too conceited for anything. Mrs. Livery Johnson put on a new bonnet and paid up all her back calls to have the pleasure of announcing in each parlor she entered that her daughters, at least, would “never pay professional prices to Thea Kronborg.”
Mrs. Kronborg was absolutely right in thinking there would be negative remarks in Moonstone when Thea increased her prices for music lessons. People claimed she was becoming too full of herself. Mrs. Livery Johnson got a new hat and settled all her outstanding visits just to enjoy telling everyone in each parlor she entered that her daughters would “never pay those high prices to Thea Kronborg.”
Thea raised no objection to quitting school. She was now in the “high room,” as it was called, in next to the highest class, and was studying geometry and beginning Caesar. She no longer recited her lessons to the teacher she liked, but to the Principal, a man who belonged, like Mrs. Livery Johnson, to the camp of Thea’s natural enemies. He taught school because he was too lazy to work among grown-up people, and he made an easy job of it. He got out of real work by inventing useless activities for his pupils, such as the “tree-diagramming system.” Thea had spent hours making trees out of “Thanatopsis,” Hamlet’s soliloquy, Cato on “Immortality.” She agonized under this waste of time, and was only too glad to accept her father’s offer of liberty.
Thea didn’t object to leaving school. She was in the “high room,” which was almost the highest class, studying geometry and starting on Caesar. She no longer recited lessons for the teacher she liked but for the Principal, a man who, like Mrs. Livery Johnson, was one of Thea’s natural enemies. He taught school because he was too lazy to work with adults, and he made it easy for himself. He avoided real work by creating pointless activities for his students, like the “tree-diagramming system.” Thea spent hours making trees out of “Thanatopsis,” Hamlet’s soliloquy, and Cato on “Immortality.” She struggled with this waste of time and was more than happy to accept her father’s offer of freedom.
So Thea left school the first of November. By the first of January she had eight one-hour pupils and ten half-hour pupils, and there would be more in the summer. She spent her earnings generously. She bought a new Brussels carpet for the parlor, and a rifle for Gunner and Axel, and an imitation tiger-skin coat and cap for Thor. She enjoyed being able to add to the family possessions, and thought Thor looked quite as handsome in his spots as the rich children she had seen in Denver. Thor was most complacent in his conspicuous apparel. He could walk anywhere by this time—though he always preferred to sit, or to be pulled in his cart. He was a blissfully lazy child, and had a number of long, dull plays, such as making nests for his china duck and waiting for her to lay him an egg. Thea thought him very intelligent, and she was proud that he was so big and burly. She found him restful, loved to hear him call her “sitter,” and really liked his companionship, especially when she was tired. On Saturday, for instance, when she taught from nine in the morning until five in the afternoon, she liked to get off in a corner with Thor after supper, away from all the bathing and dressing and joking and talking that went on in the house, and ask him about his duck, or hear him tell one of his rambling stories.
So, Thea left school on November 1st. By January 1st, she had eight one-hour students and ten half-hour students, and there would be more in the summer. She spent her earnings generously. She bought a new Brussels carpet for the living room, a rifle for Gunner and Axel, and a faux tiger-skin coat and cap for Thor. She enjoyed adding to the family’s belongings and thought Thor looked just as handsome in his spots as the wealthy kids she'd seen in Denver. Thor was quite pleased with his flashy outfit. By this time, he could walk anywhere—though he always preferred to sit or be pulled in his cart. He was a blissfully lazy child and had a few long, dull activities, like making nests for his china duck and waiting for her to lay him an egg. Thea thought he was very smart and felt proud that he was so big and sturdy. She found him comforting, loved hearing him call her “sitter,” and genuinely enjoyed his company, especially when she was tired. For instance, on Saturdays, when she taught from nine in the morning until five in the evening, she liked to sneak off to a quiet corner with Thor after dinner, away from all the bathing, dressing, joking, and talking happening in the house, and ask him about his duck or listen to one of his meandering stories.
XV
By the time Thea’s fifteenth birthday came round, she was established as a music teacher in Moonstone. The new room had been added to the house early in the spring, and Thea had been giving her lessons there since the middle of May. She liked the personal independence which was accorded her as a wage-earner. The family questioned her comings and goings very little. She could go buggy-riding with Ray Kennedy, for instance, without taking Gunner or Axel. She could go to Spanish Johnny’s and sing part songs with the Mexicans, and nobody objected.
By the time Thea turned fifteen, she had established herself as a music teacher in Moonstone. The new room had been added to the house early in the spring, and Thea had been giving her lessons there since mid-May. She enjoyed the personal independence that came with being a wage-earner. The family hardly questioned her comings and goings. She could go buggy-riding with Ray Kennedy, for example, without needing to take Gunner or Axel. She could go to Spanish Johnny’s and sing part songs with the Mexicans, and no one minded.
Thea was still under the first excitement of teaching, and was terribly in earnest about it. If a pupil did not get on well, she fumed and fretted. She counted until she was hoarse. She listened to scales in her sleep. Wunsch had taught only one pupil seriously, but Thea taught twenty. The duller they were, the more furiously she poked and prodded them. With the little girls she was nearly always patient, but with pupils older than herself, she sometimes lost her temper. One of her mistakes was to let herself in for a calling-down from Mrs. Livery Johnson. That lady appeared at the Kronborgs’ one morning and announced that she would allow no girl to stamp her foot at her daughter Grace. She added that Thea’s bad manners with the older girls were being talked about all over town, and that if her temper did not speedily improve she would lose all her advanced pupils. Thea was frightened. She felt she could never bear the disgrace, if such a thing happened. Besides, what would her father say, after he had gone to the expense of building an addition to the house? Mrs. Johnson demanded an apology to Grace. Thea said she was willing to make it. Mrs. Johnson said that hereafter, since she had taken lessons of the best piano teacher in Grinnell, Iowa, she herself would decide what pieces Grace should study. Thea readily consented to that, and Mrs. Johnson rustled away to tell a neighbor woman that Thea Kronborg could be meek enough when you went at her right.
Thea was still buzzing with the excitement of teaching and took it very seriously. If a student struggled, she got really frustrated. She counted until her voice gave out. She even listened to scales in her sleep. Wunsch had only taught one student seriously, but Thea had twenty. The less talented they were, the more intensely she pushed them. With the little girls, she was almost always patient, but with older students, she sometimes lost her cool. One mistake she made was provoking a reprimand from Mrs. Livery Johnson. That lady showed up at the Kronborgs’ one morning and declared that she wouldn’t allow any girl to stomp her foot at her daughter Grace. She added that Thea's bad behavior with the older girls was being discussed all over town, and if her temper didn’t improve quickly, she would lose all her advanced students. Thea was scared. She felt she couldn’t bear the shame if that happened. Plus, what would her father say after spending money to add on to the house? Mrs. Johnson demanded an apology to Grace. Thea agreed to it. Mrs. Johnson then stated that since Grace was now learning from the best piano teacher in Grinnell, Iowa, she would decide what pieces Grace should study going forward. Thea quickly agreed to that, and Mrs. Johnson rustled away to tell a neighbor that Thea Kronborg could be quite humble if you approached her the right way.
Thea was telling Ray about this unpleasant encounter as they were driving out to the sand hills the next Sunday.
Thea was sharing with Ray about this awkward encounter while they were driving out to the sand dunes the following Sunday.
“She was stuffing you, all right, Thee,” Ray reassured her. “There’s no general dissatisfaction among your scholars. She just wanted to get in a knock. I talked to the piano tuner the last time he was here, and he said all the people he tuned for expressed themselves very favorably about your teaching. I wish you didn’t take so much pains with them, myself.”
“She was definitely giving you a hard time, Thee,” Ray reassured her. “There’s no overall discontent among your students. She just wanted to take a jab at you. I spoke with the piano tuner the last time he was here, and he mentioned that everyone he tunes for has good things to say about your teaching. I wish you wouldn't put so much effort into them, to be honest.”
“But I have to, Ray. They’re all so dumb. They’ve got no ambition,” Thea exclaimed irritably. “Jenny Smiley is the only one who isn’t stupid. She can read pretty well, and she has such good hands. But she don’t care a rap about it. She has no pride.”
“But I have to, Ray. They're all so clueless. They have no ambition,” Thea said irritably. “Jenny Smiley is the only one who isn’t an idiot. She reads pretty well, and she has such good skills. But she doesn’t care at all about it. She has no pride.”
Ray’s face was full of complacent satisfaction as he glanced sidewise at Thea, but she was looking off intently into the mirage, at one of those mammoth cattle that are nearly always reflected there. “Do you find it easier to teach in your new room?” he asked.
Ray's face was filled with self-satisfied happiness as he glanced sideways at Thea, but she was intently staring into the mirage, at one of those massive cattle that's almost always reflected there. “Do you find it easier to teach in your new room?” he asked.
“Yes; I’m not interrupted so much. Of course, if I ever happen to want to practice at night, that’s always the night Anna chooses to go to bed early.”
“Yes; I’m not interrupted as much. Of course, if I ever want to practice at night, that’s always the night Anna decides to go to bed early.”
“It’s a darned shame, Thee, you didn’t cop that room for yourself. I’m sore at the padre about that. He ought to give you that room. You could fix it up so pretty.”
“It’s really a shame, you didn’t get that room for yourself. I’m upset with the padre about that. He should give you that room. You could make it look so nice.”
“I didn’t want it, honest I didn’t. Father would have let me have it. I like my own room better. Somehow I can think better in a little room. Besides, up there I am away from everybody, and I can read as late as I please and nobody nags me.”
“I didn’t want it, I swear I didn’t. Dad would’ve let me have it. I like my own room more. Somehow I can think better in a small room. Plus, up there I’m away from everyone, and I can read as late as I want without anyone bothering me.”
“A growing girl needs lots of sleep,” Ray providently remarked.
“A growing girl needs plenty of sleep,” Ray wisely noted.
Thea moved restlessly on the buggy cushions. “They need other things more,” she muttered. “Oh, I forgot. I brought something to show you. Look here, it came on my birthday. Wasn’t it nice of him to remember?” She took from her pocket a postcard, bent in the middle and folded, and handed it to Ray. On it was a white dove, perched on a wreath of very blue forget-me-nots, and “Birthday Greetings” in gold letters. Under this was written, “From A. Wunsch.”
Thea shifted uncomfortably on the buggy cushions. “They need other things more,” she said quietly. “Oh, I forgot. I brought something to show you. Check this out; it arrived on my birthday. Wasn’t it sweet of him to remember?” She pulled out a postcard from her pocket, creased in the middle and folded, and handed it to Ray. On it was a white dove sitting on a wreath of bright blue forget-me-nots, with “Birthday Greetings” in gold letters. Below that was written, “From A. Wunsch.”
Ray turned the card over, examined the postmark, and then began to laugh.
Ray flipped the card over, looked at the postmark, and then started to laugh.
“Concord, Kansas. He has my sympathy!”
“Concord, Kansas. I feel sorry for him!”
“Why, is that a poor town?”
“Why, is that a poor town?”
“It’s the jumping-off place, no town at all. Some houses dumped down in the middle of a cornfield. You get lost in the corn. Not even a saloon to keep things going; sell whiskey without a license at the butcher shop, beer on ice with the liver and beefsteak. I wouldn’t stay there over Sunday for a ten-dollar bill.”
“It’s the starting point, not really a town. Just a few houses tossed in the middle of a cornfield. You can easily get lost in the corn. There isn’t even a bar to keep things lively; they sell whiskey without a license at the butcher shop, and beer on ice next to the liver and steak. I wouldn’t stay there over the weekend for ten bucks.”
“Oh, dear! What do you suppose he’s doing there? Maybe he just stopped off there a few days to tune pianos,” Thea suggested hopefully.
“Oh, no! What do you think he’s doing there? Maybe he just stopped by for a few days to tune pianos,” Thea suggested hopefully.
Ray gave her back the card. “He’s headed in the wrong direction. What does he want to get back into a grass country for? Now, there are lots of good live towns down on the Santa Fé, and everybody down there is musical. He could always get a job playing in saloons if he was dead broke. I’ve figured out that I’ve got no years of my life to waste in a Methodist country where they raise pork.”
Ray handed her the card. “He’s going the wrong way. What does he need to go back to a rural area for? There are plenty of lively towns down on the Santa Fé, and everyone there has a talent for music. He could always find a job playing in bars if he was completely out of money. I’ve realized that I don’t have any years of my life to waste in a place where they just raise pigs.”
“We must stop on our way back and show this card to Mrs. Kohler. She misses him so.”
“We should stop on our way back and show this card to Mrs. Kohler. She really misses him.”
“By the way, Thee, I hear the old woman goes to church every Sunday to hear you sing. Fritz tells me he has to wait till two o’clock for his Sunday dinner these days. The church people ought to give you credit for that, when they go for you.”
“By the way, I heard the old lady goes to church every Sunday to hear you sing. Fritz told me he has to wait until two o’clock for his Sunday dinner these days. The church folks should give you credit for that when they criticize you.”
Thea shook her head and spoke in a tone of resignation. “They’ll always go for me, just as they did for Wunsch. It wasn’t because he drank they went for him; not really. It was something else.”
Thea shook her head and spoke with a tone of resignation. “They'll always target me, just like they did with Wunsch. It wasn't just because he drank that they went after him; not really. It was something else.”
“You want to salt your money down, Thee, and go to Chicago and take some lessons. Then you come back, and wear a long feather and high heels and put on a few airs, and that’ll fix ’em. That’s what they like.”
“You want to save up your money, and then head to Chicago to take some lessons. After that, you’ll come back, wear a long feather and high heels, and act a bit fancy, and that’ll get their attention. That’s what they like.”
“I’ll never have money enough to go to Chicago. Mother meant to lend me some, I think, but now they’ve got hard times back in Nebraska, and her farm don’t bring her in anything. Takes all the tenant can raise to pay the taxes. Don’t let’s talk about that. You promised to tell me about the play you went to see in Denver.”
“I’ll never have enough money to go to Chicago. I think my mom meant to lend me some, but now they’re facing tough times back in Nebraska, and her farm isn’t bringing in anything. It takes everything the tenant can grow just to pay the taxes. Let’s not talk about that. You promised to tell me about the play you went to see in Denver.”
Any one would have liked to hear Ray’s simple and clear account of the performance he had seen at the Tabor Grand Opera House—Maggie Mitchell in Little Barefoot—and any one would have liked to watch his kind face. Ray looked his best out of doors, when his thick red hands were covered by gloves, and the dull red of his sunburned face somehow seemed right in the light and wind. He looked better, too, with his hat on; his hair was thin and dry, with no particular color or character, “regular Willy-boy hair,” as he himself described it. His eyes were pale beside the reddish bronze of his skin. They had the faded look often seen in the eyes of men who have lived much in the sun and wind and who have been accustomed to train their vision upon distant objects.
Anyone would have enjoyed hearing Ray’s simple and clear account of the performance he had seen at the Tabor Grand Opera House—Maggie Mitchell in Little Barefoot—and anyone would have liked to see his kind face. Ray looked his best outdoors, when his thick red hands were covered by gloves, and the dull red of his sunburned face somehow seemed right in the light and wind. He also looked better with his hat on; his hair was thin and dry, with no particular color or character, “regular Willy-boy hair,” as he described it. His eyes were pale compared to the reddish bronze of his skin. They had the faded look often seen in the eyes of men who have spent a lot of time in the sun and wind and who have been used to focusing their vision on distant objects.
Ray realized that Thea’s life was dull and exacting, and that she missed Wunsch. He knew she worked hard, that she put up with a great many little annoyances, and that her duties as a teacher separated her more than ever from the boys and girls of her own age. He did everything he could to provide recreation for her. He brought her candy and magazines and pineapples—of which she was very fond—from Denver, and kept his eyes and ears open for anything that might interest her. He was, of course, living for Thea. He had thought it all out carefully and had made up his mind just when he would speak to her. When she was seventeen, then he would tell her his plan and ask her to marry him. He would be willing to wait two, or even three years, until she was twenty, if she thought best. By that time he would surely have got in on something: copper, oil, gold, silver, sheep,—something.
Ray realized that Thea’s life was boring and demanding, and that she missed Wunsch. He knew she worked hard, that she dealt with a lot of little annoyances, and that her responsibilities as a teacher increasingly isolated her from boys and girls her own age. He did everything he could to create fun for her. He brought her candy, magazines, and pineapples—from Denver, which she loved—and kept an eye out for anything that might spark her interest. He was, of course, living for Thea. He had thought it all out carefully and had decided exactly when he would tell her how he felt. When she turned seventeen, he would share his plan and ask her to marry him. He would be willing to wait two, or even three years, until she was twenty if that’s what she wanted. By then, he would surely have gotten involved in something: copper, oil, gold, silver, sheep—something.
Meanwhile, it was pleasure enough to feel that she depended on him more and more, that she leaned upon his steady kindness. He never broke faith with himself about her; he never hinted to her of his hopes for the future, never suggested that she might be more intimately confidential with him, or talked to her of the thing he thought about so constantly. He had the chivalry which is perhaps the proudest possession of his race. He had never embarrassed her by so much as a glance. Sometimes, when they drove out to the sand hills, he let his left arm lie along the back of the buggy seat, but it never came any nearer to Thea than that, never touched her. He often turned to her a face full of pride, and frank admiration, but his glance was never so intimate or so penetrating as Dr. Archie’s. His blue eyes were clear and shallow, friendly, uninquiring. He rested Thea because he was so different; because, though he often told her interesting things, he never set lively fancies going in her head; because he never misunderstood her, and because he never, by any chance, for a single instant, understood her! Yes, with Ray she was safe; by him she would never be discovered!
Meanwhile, it was enough of a pleasure to feel that she relied on him more and more, that she leaned on his steady kindness. He never betrayed his own feelings about her; he never hinted at his hopes for the future, never suggested that she could be closer with him, or talked about the thing he thought about so often. He had the chivalry that is perhaps the proudest trait of his lineage. He had never made her uncomfortable with even a look. Sometimes, when they drove out to the sand hills, he let his left arm rest along the back of the buggy seat, but it never got any closer to Thea than that, never touched her. He often turned to her with a face full of pride and genuine admiration, but his gaze was never as intimate or intense as Dr. Archie’s. His blue eyes were clear and shallow, friendly, uncomplicated. He grounded Thea because he was so different; because, while he often shared interesting things, he never stirred up wild ideas in her mind; because he never misunderstood her, and because he never, not for a moment, truly understood her! Yes, with Ray she felt secure; he would never uncover her!
XVI
The pleasantest experience Thea had that summer was a trip that she and her mother made to Denver in Ray Kennedy’s caboose. Mrs. Kronborg had been looking forward to this excursion for a long while, but as Ray never knew at what hour his freight would leave Moonstone, it was difficult to arrange. The call-boy was as likely to summon him to start on his run at twelve o’clock midnight as at twelve o’clock noon. The first week in June started out with all the scheduled trains running on time, and a light freight business. Tuesday evening Ray, after consulting with the dispatcher, stopped at the Kronborgs’ front gate to tell Mrs. Kronborg—who was helping Tillie water the flowers—that if she and Thea could be at the depot at eight o’clock the next morning, he thought he could promise them a pleasant ride and get them into Denver before nine o’clock in the evening. Mrs. Kronborg told him cheerfully, across the fence, that she would “take him up on it,” and Ray hurried back to the yards to scrub out his car.
The best experience Thea had that summer was a trip she took with her mom to Denver in Ray Kennedy's caboose. Mrs. Kronborg had been looking forward to this outing for a while, but since Ray never knew when his freight would leave Moonstone, it was tough to plan. The call-boy could just as easily summon him to start his run at midnight as at noon. The first week of June started with all the scheduled trains running on time and a light freight schedule. On Tuesday evening, after checking in with the dispatcher, Ray stopped at the Kronborgs' front gate to tell Mrs. Kronborg—who was helping Tillie water the flowers—that if she and Thea could be at the depot at eight o’clock the next morning, he thought he could promise them a nice ride and get them into Denver before nine o’clock that evening. Mrs. Kronborg cheerfully replied from across the fence that she would "take him up on it," and Ray hurried back to the yards to clean out his car.
The one complaint Ray’s brakemen had to make of him was that he was too fussy about his caboose. His former brakeman had asked to be transferred because, he said, “Kennedy was as fussy about his car as an old maid about her bird-cage.” Joe Giddy, who was braking with Ray now, called him “the bride,” because he kept the caboose and bunks so clean.
The only complaint Ray’s brakemen had about him was that he was way too particular about his caboose. His former brakeman had requested a transfer because he said, “Kennedy is as particular about his car as an old maid about her birdcage.” Joe Giddy, who was working with Ray now, called him “the bride” because he kept the caboose and bunks so clean.
It was properly the brakeman’s business to keep the car clean, but when Ray got back to the depot, Giddy was nowhere to be found. Muttering that all his brakemen seemed to consider him “easy,” Ray went down to his car alone. He built a fire in the stove and put water on to heat while he got into his overalls and jumper. Then he set to work with a scrubbing-brush and plenty of soap and “cleaner.” He scrubbed the floor and seats, blacked the stove, put clean sheets on the bunks, and then began to demolish Giddy’s picture gallery. Ray found that his brakemen were likely to have what he termed “a taste for the nude in art,” and Giddy was no exception. Ray took down half a dozen girls in tights and ballet skirts,—premiums for cigarette coupons,—and some racy calendars advertising saloons and sporting clubs, which had cost Giddy both time and trouble; he even removed Giddy’s particular pet, a naked girl lying on a couch with her knee carelessly poised in the air. Underneath the picture was printed the title, “The Odalisque.” Giddy was under the happy delusion that this title meant something wicked,—there was a wicked look about the consonants,—but Ray, of course, had looked it up, and Giddy was indebted to the dictionary for the privilege of keeping his lady. If “odalisque” had been what Ray called an objectionable word, he would have thrown the picture out in the first place. Ray even took down a picture of Mrs. Langtry in evening dress, because it was entitled the “Jersey Lily,” and because there was a small head of Edward VII, then Prince of Wales, in one corner. Albert Edward’s conduct was a popular subject of discussion among railroad men in those days, and as Ray pulled the tacks out of this lithograph he felt more indignant with the English than ever. He deposited all these pictures under the mattress of Giddy’s bunk, and stood admiring his clean car in the lamplight; the walls now exhibited only a wheatfield, advertising agricultural implements, a map of Colorado, and some pictures of race-horses and hunting-dogs. At this moment Giddy, freshly shaved and shampooed, his shirt shining with the highest polish known to Chinese laundrymen, his straw hat tipped over his right eye, thrust his head in at the door.
It was technically the brakeman’s job to keep the car clean, but when Ray returned to the depot, Giddy was nowhere to be found. Grumbling that all his brakemen seemed to think he was “easy,” Ray headed to his car by himself. He started a fire in the stove and set water to heat while he slipped into his overalls and sweatshirt. Then he got to work with a scrubbing brush, plenty of soap, and cleaner. He scrubbed the floor and seats, cleaned the stove, put fresh sheets on the bunks, and then began to take down Giddy’s collection of pictures. Ray noticed that his brakemen tended to have what he called “a taste for the nude in art,” and Giddy was no exception. Ray took down half a dozen girls in tights and ballet skirts—prizes for cigarette coupons—and some saucy calendars promoting bars and sports clubs, which had taken Giddy a lot of time and effort to collect; he even removed Giddy’s favorite, a naked girl lounging on a couch with her knee casually in the air. Underneath the picture was the title “The Odalisque.” Giddy mistakenly thought this title meant something scandalous—there was a mischievous vibe to the consonants—but Ray had looked it up, and Giddy owed the dictionary for the right to keep his artwork. If “odalisque” had been what Ray considered an offensive word, he would have thrown the picture out first thing. Ray also took down a picture of Mrs. Langtry in an evening gown because it was called the “Jersey Lily,” and because there was a small image of Edward VII, then the Prince of Wales, in one corner. Albert Edward’s behavior was a hot topic among railroad workers back then, and as Ray tore the tacks out of this lithograph, he felt angrier with the English than ever. He stashed all these pictures under the mattress of Giddy’s bunk and stood admiring his clean car in the lamplight; the walls now displayed only a wheat field advertising farming tools, a map of Colorado, and a few pictures of racehorses and hunting dogs. Just then, Giddy, freshly shaved and shampooed, his shirt gleaming thanks to the best polish from Chinese laundries, his straw hat tilted over his right eye, poked his head in at the door.
“What in hell—” he brought out furiously. His good humored, sunburned face seemed fairly to swell with amazement and anger.
“What the hell—” he exclaimed angrily. His cheerful, sunburned face looked like it was about to burst with shock and rage.
“That’s all right, Giddy,” Ray called in a conciliatory tone. “Nothing injured. I’ll put ’em all up again as I found ’em. Going to take some ladies down in the car to-morrow.”
“That’s okay, Giddy,” Ray said in a soothing tone. “Nothing is hurt. I’ll put everything back like I found it. I’m taking some ladies down in the car tomorrow.”
Giddy scowled. He did not dispute the propriety of Ray’s measures, if there were to be ladies on board, but he felt injured. “I suppose you’ll expect me to behave like a Y.M.C.A. secretary,” he growled. “I can’t do my work and serve tea at the same time.”
Giddy scowled. He didn’t argue about the appropriateness of Ray’s actions, especially with women on board, but he felt hurt. “I guess you expect me to act like a Y.M.C.A. secretary,” he grumbled. “I can’t do my job and serve tea at the same time.”
“No need to have a tea-party,” said Ray with determined cheerfulness. “Mrs. Kronborg will bring the lunch, and it will be a darned good one.”
“No need to have a tea party,” Ray said with cheerful determination. “Mrs. Kronborg will bring the lunch, and it’s going to be really good.”
Giddy lounged against the car, holding his cigar between two thick fingers. “Then I guess she’ll get it,” he observed knowingly. “I don’t think your musical friend is much on the grub-box. Has to keep her hands white to tickle the ivories.” Giddy had nothing against Thea, but he felt cantankerous and wanted to get a rise out of Kennedy.
Giddy leaned against the car, holding his cigar between two thick fingers. “Then I guess she’ll get it,” he said with a knowing look. “I don’t think your musical friend cares much about food. She has to keep her hands clean to play the piano.” Giddy had nothing against Thea, but he was feeling irritable and wanted to provoke Kennedy.
“Every man to his own job,” Ray replied agreeably, pulling his white shirt on over his head.
“Everyone has their own responsibilities,” Ray replied with a nod, pulling his white shirt on over his head.
Giddy emitted smoke disdainfully. “I suppose so. The man that gets her will have to wear an apron and bake the pancakes. Well, some men like to mess about the kitchen.” He paused, but Ray was intent on getting into his clothes as quickly as possible. Giddy thought he could go a little further. “Of course, I don’t dispute your right to haul women in this car if you want to; but personally, so far as I’m concerned, I’d a good deal rather drink a can of tomatoes and do without the women and their lunch. I was never much enslaved to hard-boiled eggs, anyhow.”
Giddy let out a puff of smoke with a hint of mockery. “I guess so. The guy who ends up with her will probably have to put on an apron and make pancakes. Well, some guys enjoy hanging out in the kitchen.” He paused, but Ray was focused on getting dressed as quickly as he could. Giddy figured he could push it a bit more. “Of course, I don’t mind if you want to bring women along in this car; but honestly, I’d much rather drink a can of tomatoes and skip the women and their lunch. I was never really fond of hard-boiled eggs, anyway.”
“You’ll eat ’em to-morrow, all the same.” Ray’s tone had a steely glitter as he jumped out of the car, and Giddy stood aside to let him pass. He knew that Kennedy’s next reply would be delivered by hand. He had once seen Ray beat up a nasty fellow for insulting a Mexican woman who helped about the grub-car in the work train, and his fists had worked like two steel hammers. Giddy wasn’t looking for trouble.
“You’ll eat them tomorrow, just the same.” Ray’s tone was sharp as he jumped out of the car, and Giddy stepped aside to let him go by. He knew that Kennedy’s next response would be delivered personally. He had once seen Ray beat up a jerk for insulting a Mexican woman who worked in the food car on the work train, and his fists had been like two steel hammers. Giddy wasn’t looking for trouble.
At eight o’clock the next morning Ray greeted his ladies and helped them into the car. Giddy had put on a clean shirt and yellow pig-skin gloves and was whistling his best. He considered Kennedy a fluke as a ladies’ man, and if there was to be a party, the honors had to be done by some one who wasn’t a blacksmith at small-talk. Giddy had, as Ray sarcastically admitted, “a local reputation as a jollier,” and he was fluent in gallant speeches of a not too-veiled nature. He insisted that Thea should take his seat in the cupola, opposite Ray’s, where she could look out over the country. Thea told him, as she clambered up, that she cared a good deal more about riding in that seat than about going to Denver. Ray was never so companionable and easy as when he sat chatting in the lookout of his little house on wheels. Good stories came to him, and interesting recollections. Thea had a great respect for the reports he had to write out, and for the telegrams that were handed to him at stations; for all the knowledge and experience it must take to run a freight train.
At eight o’clock the next morning, Ray welcomed his ladies and helped them into the car. Giddy had put on a clean shirt and yellow pigskin gloves, and he was whistling his best tune. He thought Kennedy was an unlikely ladies’ man, and if there was going to be a party, it had to be organized by someone who wasn't awkward at small talk. Giddy had, as Ray sarcastically noted, “a local reputation as a jollier,” and he was skilled at delivering flirty lines that weren’t too subtle. He insisted that Thea should take his seat in the cupola, across from Ray, where she could look out over the countryside. As she climbed up, Thea told him that she cared a lot more about sitting in that spot than about going to Denver. Ray was never more friendly and relaxed than when he sat chatting in the lookout of his little house on wheels. Good stories flowed from him, along with interesting memories. Thea held a great respect for the reports he had to write and for the telegrams that were handed to him at the stations; she admired all the knowledge and experience it must take to run a freight train.
Giddy, down in the car, in the pauses of his work, made himself agreeable to Mrs. Kronborg.
Giddy, sitting in the car during breaks from his work, tried to be pleasant to Mrs. Kronborg.
“It’s a great rest to be where my family can’t get at me, Mr. Giddy,” she told him. “I thought you and Ray might have some housework here for me to look after, but I couldn’t improve any on this car.”
“It’s such a relief to be somewhere my family can’t reach me, Mr. Giddy,” she said to him. “I thought you and Ray might have some chores around here for me to do, but I can’t do anything better with this car.”
“Oh, we like to keep her neat,” returned Giddy glibly, winking up at Ray’s expressive back. “If you want to see a clean ice-box, look at this one. Yes, Kennedy always carries fresh cream to eat on his oatmeal. I’m not particular. The tin cow’s good enough for me.”
“Oh, we like to keep her tidy,” Giddy replied smoothly, giving a wink at Ray's expressive back. “If you want to see a clean fridge, check this one out. Yeah, Kennedy always brings fresh cream for his oatmeal. I’m not picky. The canned stuff works just fine for me.”
“Most of you boys smoke so much that all victuals taste alike to you,” said Mrs. Kronborg. “I’ve got no religious scruples against smoking, but I couldn’t take as much interest cooking for a man that used tobacco. I guess it’s all right for bachelors who have to eat round.”
“Most of you boys smoke so much that all food tastes the same to you,” said Mrs. Kronborg. “I don’t have any religious objections to smoking, but I wouldn’t be as interested in cooking for a man who used tobacco. I guess it’s fine for bachelors who have to eat on the go.”
Mrs. Kronborg took off her hat and veil and made herself comfortable. She seldom had an opportunity to be idle, and she enjoyed it. She could sit for hours and watch the sage-hens fly up and the jack-rabbits dart away from the track, without being bored. She wore a tan bombazine dress, made very plainly, and carried a roomy, worn, mother-of-the-family handbag.
Mrs. Kronborg took off her hat and veil and settled in. She rarely had a chance to relax, and she loved it. She could sit for hours watching the sage-hens take flight and the jack-rabbits scamper away from the path without feeling bored. She wore a simple tan bombazine dress and carried a spacious, well-used handbag typical of a mother.
Ray Kennedy always insisted that Mrs. Kronborg was “a fine-looking lady,” but this was not the common opinion in Moonstone. Ray had lived long enough among the Mexicans to dislike fussiness, to feel that there was something more attractive in ease of manner than in absentminded concern about hairpins and dabs of lace. He had learned to think that the way a woman stood, moved, sat in her chair, looked at you, was more important than the absence of wrinkles from her skirt. Ray had, indeed, such unusual perceptions in some directions, that one could not help wondering what he would have been if he had ever, as he said, had “half a chance.”
Ray Kennedy always insisted that Mrs. Kronborg was "a beautiful woman," but that wasn't the general consensus in Moonstone. Ray had spent enough time around the Mexicans to dislike fussiness, believing that ease of manner was more appealing than worrying about hairpins and frills. He had come to view a woman's presence—how she stood, moved, sat, and looked at you—as more important than whether her skirt was wrinkle-free. Ray had such unique perspectives in some areas that it made one wonder what he could have achieved if he had ever, as he put it, had "half a chance."
He was right; Mrs. Kronborg was a fine-looking woman. She was short and square, but her head was a real head, not a mere jerky termination of the body. It had some individuality apart from hats and hairpins. Her hair, Moonstone women admitted, would have been very pretty “on anybody else.” Frizzy bangs were worn then, but Mrs. Kronborg always dressed her hair in the same way, parted in the middle, brushed smoothly back from her low, white forehead, pinned loosely on the back of her head in two thick braids. It was growing gray about the temples, but after the manner of yellow hair it seemed only to have grown paler there, and had taken on a color like that of English primroses. Her eyes were clear and untroubled; her face smooth and calm, and, as Ray said, “strong.”
He was right; Mrs. Kronborg was an attractive woman. She was short and solid, but her head was truly a head, not just an awkward extension of her body. It had some personality apart from hats and hair accessories. Her hair, as the women of Moonstone acknowledged, would have looked very nice “on anyone else.” Frizzy bangs were the trend at that time, but Mrs. Kronborg always styled her hair the same way: parted in the middle, brushed smoothly back from her low, pale forehead, and pinned loosely at the back in two thick braids. It was starting to gray at the temples, but typical of light hair, it seemed only to have faded there, taking on a hue like that of English primroses. Her eyes were bright and serene; her face was smooth and calm, and, as Ray remarked, “strong.”
Thea and Ray, up in the sunny cupola, were laughing and talking. Ray got great pleasure out of seeing her face there in the little box where he so often imagined it. They were crossing a plateau where great red sandstone boulders lay about, most of them much wider at the top than at the base, so that they looked like great toadstools.
Thea and Ray, up in the sunny cupola, were laughing and chatting. Ray took great joy in seeing her face there in the little space where he often pictured it. They were crossing a flat area where huge red sandstone boulders were scattered, most of them much wider at the top than at the bottom, making them look like giant toadstools.
“The sand has been blowing against them for a good many hundred years,” Ray explained, directing Thea’s eyes with his gloved hand. “You see the sand blows low, being so heavy, and cuts them out underneath. Wind and sand are pretty high-class architects. That’s the principle of most of the Cliff-Dweller remains down at Canyon de Chelly. The sandstorms had dug out big depressions in the face of a cliff, and the Indians built their houses back in that depression.”
“The sand has been blowing against them for hundreds of years,” Ray explained, guiding Thea’s gaze with his gloved hand. “You see, the sand blows low because it’s so heavy, and it cuts away underneath. Wind and sand are quite skilled architects. That’s how most of the Cliff-Dweller ruins at Canyon de Chelly were formed. The sandstorms created large depressions in the cliff face, and the Indians built their homes back in those depressions.”
“You told me that before, Ray, and of course you know. But the geography says their houses were cut out of the face of the living rock, and I like that better.”
“You told me that before, Ray, and of course you know. But the geography says their houses were carved out of the living rock, and I prefer that.”
Ray sniffed. “What nonsense does get printed! It’s enough to give a man disrespect for learning. How could them Indians cut houses out of the living rock, when they knew nothing about the art of forging metals?” Ray leaned back in his chair, swung his foot, and looked thoughtful and happy. He was in one of his favorite fields of speculation, and nothing gave him more pleasure than talking these things over with Thea Kronborg. “I’ll tell you, Thee, if those old fellows had learned to work metals once, your ancient Egyptians and Assyrians wouldn’t have beat them very much. Whatever they did do, they did well. Their masonry’s standing there to-day, the corners as true as the Denver Capitol. They were clever at most everything but metals; and that one failure kept them from getting across. It was the quicksand that swallowed ’em up, as a race. I guess civilization proper began when men mastered metals.”
Ray sniffed. “What nonsense gets published! It’s enough to make someone lose respect for learning. How could those Indians carve houses out of solid rock when they didn’t know anything about working with metals?” Ray leaned back in his chair, swung his foot, and looked thoughtful and pleased. He was in one of his favorite fields of speculation, and nothing delighted him more than discussing these topics with Thea Kronborg. “Let me tell you, Thea, if those ancient people had figured out how to work with metals, your ancient Egyptians and Assyrians wouldn’t have been so far ahead of them. Whatever they did, they did well. Their masonry is still standing today, with corners as true as the Denver Capitol. They were skilled at almost everything except metals; and that one shortcoming held them back. It was the quicksand that swallowed them up as a race. I think true civilization began when people mastered metals.”
Ray was not vain about his bookish phrases. He did not use them to show off, but because they seemed to him more adequate than colloquial speech. He felt strongly about these things, and groped for words, as he said, “to express himself.” He had the lamentable American belief that “expression” is obligatory. He still carried in his trunk, among the unrelated possessions of a railroad man, a notebook on the title-page of which was written “Impressions on First Viewing the Grand Canyon, Ray H. Kennedy.” The pages of that book were like a battlefield; the laboring author had fallen back from metaphor after metaphor, abandoned position after position. He would have admitted that the art of forging metals was nothing to this treacherous business of recording impressions, in which the material you were so full of vanished mysteriously under your striving hand. “Escaping steam!” he had said to himself, the last time he tried to read that notebook.
Ray wasn't vain about his literary expressions. He didn't use them to show off, but because they felt more fitting than everyday language. He cared deeply about these things and struggled to find the right words, as he put it, “to express himself.” He held the unfortunate American belief that “expression” is mandatory. He still kept in his trunk, among the random belongings of a railroad worker, a notebook with the title page reading “Impressions on First Viewing the Grand Canyon, Ray H. Kennedy.” The pages of that notebook were chaotic; the struggling writer had retreated from metaphor after metaphor, giving up one idea after another. He would have admitted that the craft of metalworking was nothing compared to this tricky task of recording impressions, where the thoughts he was so filled with seemed to disappear unexpectedly under his eager hand. “Escaping steam!” he had told himself the last time he attempted to read that notebook.
Thea didn’t mind Ray’s travel-lecture expressions. She dodged them, unconsciously, as she did her father’s professional palaver. The light in Ray’s pale-blue eyes and the feeling in his voice more than made up for the stiffness of his language.
Thea didn’t care about Ray’s travel-lecture expressions. She avoided them, just like she did her father’s professional chatter. The spark in Ray’s pale-blue eyes and the emotion in his voice more than made up for the awkwardness of his words.
“Were the Cliff-Dwellers really clever with their hands, Ray, or do you always have to make allowance and say, ‘That was pretty good for an Indian’?” she asked.
“Were the Cliff-Dwellers actually skilled with their hands, Ray, or do you always have to lower the bar and say, ‘That was impressive for an Indian’?” she asked.
Ray went down into the car to give some instructions to Giddy. “Well,” he said when he returned, “about the aborigines: once or twice I’ve been with some fellows who were cracking burial mounds. Always felt a little ashamed of it, but we did pull out some remarkable things. We got some pottery out whole; seemed pretty fine to me. I guess their women were their artists. We found lots of old shoes and sandals made out of yucca fiber, neat and strong; and feather blankets, too.”
Ray went down to the car to give some instructions to Giddy. “Well,” he said when he got back, “about the aborigines: I've been with some guys who were digging up burial mounds a couple of times. I always felt a bit ashamed about it, but we did uncover some amazing stuff. We found some whole pottery pieces; they seemed pretty nice to me. I guess their women were the artists. We also came across a lot of old shoes and sandals made from yucca fiber, neat and sturdy; and there were feather blankets, too.”
“Feather blankets? You never told me about them.”
“Feather blankets? You never mentioned those to me.”
“Didn’t I? The old fellows—or the squaws—wove a close netting of yucca fiber, and then tied on little bunches of down feathers, overlapping, just the way feathers grow on a bird. Some of them were feathered on both sides. You can’t get anything warmer than that, now, can you?—or prettier. What I like about those old aborigines is, that they got all their ideas from nature.”
“Didn’t I? The older folks—or the women—wove a tight netting of yucca fiber, and then attached small bunches of down feathers, overlapping them just like feathers grow on a bird. Some of them had feathers on both sides. You can’t find anything warmer than that, right?—or more beautiful. What I appreciate about those old indigenous people is that they took all their inspiration from nature.”
Thea laughed. “That means you’re going to say something about girls’ wearing corsets. But some of your Indians flattened their babies’ heads, and that’s worse than wearing corsets.”
Thea laughed. “That means you’re going to say something about girls wearing corsets. But some of your Indians flattened their babies' heads, and that’s worse than wearing corsets.”
“Give me an Indian girl’s figure for beauty,” Ray insisted. “And a girl with a voice like yours ought to have plenty of lung-action. But you know my sentiments on that subject. I was going to tell you about the handsomest thing we ever looted out of those burial mounds. It was on a woman, too, I regret to say. She was preserved as perfect as any mummy that ever came out of the pyramids. She had a big string of turquoises around her neck, and she was wrapped in a fox-fur cloak, lined with little yellow feathers that must have come off wild canaries. Can you beat that, now? The fellow that claimed it sold it to a Boston man for a hundred and fifty dollars.”
“Give me an Indian girl's figure for beauty,” Ray insisted. “And a girl with a voice like yours should have plenty of lung power. But you know how I feel about that. I was going to tell you about the most stunning thing we ever found in those burial mounds. It was from a woman, unfortunately. She was preserved as perfectly as any mummy from the pyramids. She had a long string of turquoise around her neck, and she was wrapped in a fox-fur cloak, lined with tiny yellow feathers that must have come from wild canaries. Can you believe that? The guy who claimed it sold it to a man from Boston for a hundred and fifty dollars.”
Thea looked at him admiringly. “Oh, Ray, and didn’t you get anything off her, to remember her by, even? She must have been a princess.”
Thea looked at him with admiration. “Oh, Ray, didn’t you get anything from her to remember her by? She must have been a princess.”
Ray took a wallet from the pocket of the coat that was hanging beside him, and drew from it a little lump wrapped in worn tissue paper. In a moment a stone, soft and blue as a robin’s egg, lay in the hard palm of his hand. It was a turquoise, rubbed smooth in the Indian finish, which is so much more beautiful than the incongruous high polish the white man gives that tender stone. “I got this from her necklace. See the hole where the string went through? You know how the Indians drill them? Work the drill with their teeth. You like it, don’t you? They’re just right for you. Blue and yellow are the Swedish colors.” Ray looked intently at her head, bent over his hand, and then gave his whole attention to the track.
Ray took a wallet from the pocket of the coat hanging next to him and pulled out a small lump wrapped in worn tissue paper. In a moment, a stone, soft and blue like a robin’s egg, rested in his palm. It was a turquoise, smoothed out with an Indian finish, which is way more beautiful than the unnatural high polish that white people give that delicate stone. “I got this from her necklace. See the hole where the string went through? You know how the Indians drill them? They use their teeth to work the drill. You like it, right? It’s perfect for you. Blue and yellow are the Swedish colors.” Ray focused intently on her head, which was bent over his hand, and then directed all his attention to the track.
“I’ll tell you, Thee,” he began after a pause, “I’m going to form a camping party one of these days and persuade your padre to take you and your mother down to that country, and we’ll live in the rock houses—they’re as comfortable as can be—and start the cook fires up in ’em once again. I’ll go into the burial mounds and get you more keepsakes than any girl ever had before.” Ray had planned such an expedition for his wedding journey, and it made his heart thump to see how Thea’s eyes kindled when he talked about it. “I’ve learned more down there about what makes history,” he went on, “than in all the books I’ve ever read. When you sit in the sun and let your heels hang out of a doorway that drops a thousand feet, ideas come to you. You begin to feel what the human race has been up against from the beginning. There’s something mighty elevating about those old habitations. You feel like it’s up to you to do your best, on account of those fellows having it so hard. You feel like you owed them something.”
“I'll tell you, Thea,” he started after a moment, “I’m planning to put together a camping trip soon and convince your dad to take you and your mom down to that area, where we’ll stay in the rock houses—they’re really comfortable—and start up the cook fires in them again. I’ll explore the burial mounds and bring you back more souvenirs than any girl has ever had before.” Ray had envisioned such a trip for his honeymoon, and it made his heart race to see how Thea’s eyes lit up when he spoke about it. “I’ve learned more down there about what shapes history,” he continued, “than from all the books I've ever read. When you sit in the sun and let your feet dangle out of a doorway that drops a thousand feet, ideas come to you. You start to feel what humanity has faced from the beginning. There’s something incredibly uplifting about those old homes. You feel like it’s your responsibility to do your best, because those people had it so tough. You feel like you owe them something.”
At Wassiwappa, Ray got instructions to sidetrack until Thirty-six went by. After reading the message, he turned to his guests. “I’m afraid this will hold us up about two hours, Mrs. Kronborg, and we won’t get into Denver till near midnight.”
At Wassiwappa, Ray was told to delay until Thirty-six passed. After reading the message, he turned to his guests. “I’m sorry, but this will set us back about two hours, Mrs. Kronborg, and we probably won’t get to Denver until close to midnight.”
“That won’t trouble me,” said Mrs. Kronborg contentedly. “They know me at the Y.W.C.A., and they’ll let me in any time of night. I came to see the country, not to make time. I’ve always wanted to get out at this white place and look around, and now I’ll have a chance. What makes it so white?”
“That won’t bother me,” Mrs. Kronborg said happily. “They know me at the Y.W.C.A., and they’ll let me in any time of night. I came to see the country, not to rush. I’ve always wanted to get out at this white place and check it out, and now I’ll have a chance. What makes it so white?”
“Some kind of chalky rock.” Ray sprang to the ground and gave Mrs. Kronborg his hand. “You can get soil of any color in Colorado; match most any ribbon.”
“Some kind of chalky rock.” Ray jumped down to the ground and offered Mrs. Kronborg his hand. “In Colorado, you can find soil in any color; it can match just about any ribbon.”
While Ray was getting his train on to a side track, Mrs. Kronborg strolled off to examine the post-office and station house; these, with the water tank, made up the town. The station agent “batched” and raised chickens. He ran out to meet Mrs. Kronborg, clutched at her feverishly, and began telling her at once how lonely he was and what bad luck he was having with his poultry. She went to his chicken yard with him, and prescribed for gapes.
While Ray was switching his train onto a side track, Mrs. Kronborg walked off to check out the post office and station house; these, along with the water tank, made up the town. The station agent lived alone and raised chickens. He rushed out to meet Mrs. Kronborg, grabbed her anxiously, and immediately started telling her how lonely he felt and how much trouble he was having with his chickens. She went with him to his chicken yard and offered her advice for treating gapes.
Wassiwappa seemed a dreary place enough to people who looked for verdure, a brilliant place to people who liked color. Beside the station house there was a blue-grass plot, protected by a red plank fence, and six fly-bitten box-elder trees, not much larger than bushes, were kept alive by frequent hosings from the water plug. Over the windows some dusty morning-glory vines were trained on strings. All the country about was broken up into low chalky hills, which were so intensely white, and spotted so evenly with sage, that they looked like white leopards crouching. White dust powdered everything, and the light was so intense that the station agent usually wore blue glasses. Behind the station there was a water course, which roared in flood time, and a basin in the soft white rock where a pool of alkali water flashed in the sun like a mirror. The agent looked almost as sick as his chickens, and Mrs. Kronborg at once invited him to lunch with her party. He had, he confessed, a distaste for his own cooking, and lived mainly on soda crackers and canned beef. He laughed apologetically when Mrs. Kronborg said she guessed she’d look about for a shady place to eat lunch.
Wassiwappa seemed pretty dreary to those who liked greenery, but vibrant to those who appreciated color. Next to the station house, there was a patch of bluegrass, fenced in with red planks, and six fly-bitten box-elder trees, about the size of bushes, were kept alive by frequent waterings from the tap. Dusty morning-glory vines climbed along strings over the windows. The surrounding countryside was made up of low, chalky hills that were so bright white and evenly dotted with sage that they resembled white leopards crouching. White dust coated everything, and the light was so bright that the station agent usually wore blue glasses. Behind the station, there was a waterway that roared during floods, and a basin in the soft white rock where a pool of alkali water shimmered in the sunlight like a mirror. The agent looked almost as sick as his chickens, and Mrs. Kronborg immediately invited him to join her for lunch. He admitted he didn't like his own cooking and mostly lived on soda crackers and canned beef. He laughed apologetically when Mrs. Kronborg said she would find a shady spot to eat lunch.
She walked up the track to the water tank, and there, in the narrow shadows cast by the uprights on which the tank stood, she found two tramps. They sat up and stared at her, heavy with sleep. When she asked them where they were going, they told her “to the coast.” They rested by day and traveled by night; walked the ties unless they could steal a ride, they said; adding that “these Western roads were getting strict.” Their faces were blistered, their eyes blood-shot, and their shoes looked fit only for the trash pile.
She walked up the path to the water tank, and there, in the narrow shadows created by the supports holding the tank, she found two homeless guys. They sat up and stared at her, groggy with sleep. When she asked them where they were headed, they said “to the coast.” They rested during the day and traveled at night; walked the tracks unless they could hitch a ride, they mentioned; adding that “these Western roads were getting tough.” Their faces were blistered, their eyes were bloodshot, and their shoes looked like they belonged in the trash.
“I suppose you’re hungry?” Mrs. Kronborg asked. “I suppose you both drink?” she went on thoughtfully, not censoriously.
“I guess you’re hungry?” Mrs. Kronborg asked. “I assume you both drink?” she continued thoughtfully, not judgmentally.
The huskier of the two hoboes, a bushy, bearded fellow, rolled his eyes and said, “I wonder?” But the other, who was old and spare, with a sharp nose and watery eyes, sighed. “Some has one affliction, some another,” he said.
The stockier of the two homeless men, a big guy with a bushy beard, rolled his eyes and said, “I wonder?” But the other, who was older and thin, with a pointed nose and watery eyes, sighed. “Some have one struggle, some another,” he said.
Mrs. Kronborg reflected. “Well,” she said at last, “you can’t get liquor here, anyway. I am going to ask you to vacate, because I want to have a little picnic under this tank for the freight crew that brought me along. I wish I had lunch enough to provide you, but I ain’t. The station agent says he gets his provisions over there at the post office store, and if you are hungry you can get some canned stuff there.” She opened her handbag and gave each of the tramps a half-dollar.
Mrs. Kronborg thought for a moment. “Well,” she finally said, “you can’t get any alcohol here anyway. I'm going to need you to leave because I want to have a little picnic under this tank for the freight crew that brought me along. I wish I had enough food to share with you, but I don’t. The station agent says he gets his supplies over at the post office store, and if you’re hungry, you can buy some canned goods there.” She opened her handbag and gave each of the tramps fifty cents.
The old man wiped his eyes with his forefinger. “Thank ’ee, ma’am. A can of tomatters will taste pretty good to me. I wasn’t always walkin’ ties; I had a good job in Cleveland before—”
The old man wiped his eyes with his finger. “Thank you, ma’am. A can of tomatoes sounds really good to me. I wasn't always walking on ties; I had a decent job in Cleveland before—”
The hairy tramp turned on him fiercely. “Aw, shut up on that, grandpaw! Ain’t you got no gratitude? What do you want to hand the lady that fur?”
The hairy tramp glared at him angrily. “Oh, drop it, old man! Don't you have any gratitude? What do you want to give the lady that fur for?”
The old man hung his head and turned away. As he went off, his comrade looked after him and said to Mrs. Kronborg: “It’s true, what he says. He had a job in the car shops; but he had bad luck.” They both limped away toward the store, and Mrs. Kronborg sighed. She was not afraid of tramps. She always talked to them, and never turned one away. She hated to think how many of them there were, crawling along the tracks over that vast country.
The old man hung his head and walked away. As he left, his friend watched him and said to Mrs. Kronborg, “What he says is true. He had a job in the train shops, but he had bad luck.” They both limped off toward the store, and Mrs. Kronborg sighed. She wasn’t afraid of homeless people. She always spoke to them and never turned anyone away. She hated to think about how many of them there were, struggling along the tracks across that vast land.
Her reflections were cut short by Ray and Giddy and Thea, who came bringing the lunch box and water bottles. Although there was not shadow enough to accommodate all the party at once, the air under the tank was distinctly cooler than the surrounding air, and the drip made a pleasant sound in that breathless noon. The station agent ate as if he had never been fed before, apologizing every time he took another piece of fried chicken. Giddy was unabashed before the devilled eggs of which he had spoken so scornfully last night. After lunch the men lit their pipes and lay back against the uprights that supported the tank.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Ray, Giddy, and Thea, who arrived with the lunch box and water bottles. Even though there wasn’t enough shade for everyone at once, the air under the tank was noticeably cooler than the surrounding air, and the dripping sound was pleasant in the sweltering noon heat. The station agent ate like he had never been fed before, apologizing every time he took another piece of fried chicken. Giddy showed no shame as he dug into the deviled eggs he had mocked the night before. After lunch, the men lit their pipes and leaned back against the supports of the tank.
“This is the sunny side of railroading, all right,” Giddy drawled luxuriously.
“This is the bright side of railroading, for sure,” Giddy said with a relaxed tone.
“You fellows grumble too much,” said Mrs. Kronborg as she corked the pickle jar. “Your job has its drawbacks, but it don’t tie you down. Of course there’s the risk; but I believe a man’s watched over, and he can’t be hurt on the railroad or anywhere else if it’s intended he shouldn’t be.”
“You guys complain too much,” said Mrs. Kronborg as she sealed the pickle jar. “Your job has its downsides, but it doesn’t keep you tied down. Sure, there’s some risk, but I believe a man is looked after, and he can’t get hurt on the railroad or anywhere else if it’s not meant to happen.”
Giddy laughed. “Then the trains must be operated by fellows the Lord has it in for, Mrs. Kronborg. They figure it out that a railroad man’s only due to last eleven years; then it’s his turn to be smashed.”
Giddy laughed. “Then the trains must be run by guys the Lord has it out for, Mrs. Kronborg. They figure it out that a railroad worker’s only supposed to last eleven years; then it’s his turn to get wrecked.”
“That’s a dark Providence, I don’t deny,” Mrs. Kronborg admitted. “But there’s lots of things in life that’s hard to understand.”
“That's a dark fate, I won't argue,” Mrs. Kronborg admitted. “But there are many things in life that are difficult to understand.”
“I guess!” murmured Giddy, looking off at the spotted white hills.
“I guess!” whispered Giddy, gazing at the speckled white hills.
Ray smoked in silence, watching Thea and her mother clear away the lunch. He was thinking that Mrs. Kronborg had in her face the same serious look that Thea had; only hers was calm and satisfied, and Thea’s was intense and questioning. But in both it was a large kind of look, that was not all the time being broken up and convulsed by trivial things. They both carried their heads like Indian women, with a kind of noble unconsciousness. He got so tired of women who were always nodding and jerking; apologizing, deprecating, coaxing, insinuating with their heads.
Ray smoked in silence, watching Thea and her mother clean up after lunch. He thought Mrs. Kronborg had the same serious expression as Thea, but hers was calm and satisfied, while Thea's was intense and questioning. Yet, both had a kind of look that wasn't constantly interrupted by trivial matters. They both held their heads like Indian women, with a noble, effortless grace. He grew so tired of women who were always nodding and fidgeting; apologizing, downplaying, coaxing, and hinting with their heads.
When Ray’s party set off again that afternoon the sun beat fiercely into the cupola, and Thea curled up in one of the seats at the back of the car and had a nap.
When Ray's party set off again that afternoon, the sun was blazing down into the cupola, and Thea curled up in one of the seats at the back of the car and took a nap.
As the short twilight came on, Giddy took a turn in the cupola, and Ray came down and sat with Thea on the rear platform of the caboose and watched the darkness come in soft waves over the plain. They were now about thirty miles from Denver, and the mountains looked very near. The great toothed wall behind which the sun had gone down now separated into four distinct ranges, one behind the other. They were a very pale blue, a color scarcely stronger than wood smoke, and the sunset had left bright streaks in the snow-filled gorges. In the clear, yellow-streaked sky the stars were coming out, flickering like newly lighted lamps, growing steadier and more golden as the sky darkened and the land beneath them fell into complete shadow. It was a cool, restful darkness that was not black or forbidding, but somehow open and free; the night of high plains where there is no moistness or mistiness in the atmosphere.
As the short twilight set in, Giddy took a turn in the cupola, while Ray came down and sat with Thea on the back platform of the caboose, watching the darkness roll in soft waves over the plain. They were now about thirty miles from Denver, and the mountains seemed very close. The jagged wall that the sun had disappeared behind divided into four distinct ranges, one after the other. They were a light blue, a shade hardly stronger than wood smoke, and the sunset had left bright streaks in the snow-filled gorges. In the clear, yellow-streaked sky, the stars were starting to come out, twinkling like newly lit lamps, growing steadier and more golden as the sky darkened and the land below them fell into complete shadow. It was a cool, calming darkness that wasn’t black or intimidating, but somehow open and free; the night of high plains where there was no moisture or mist in the air.
Ray lit his pipe. “I never get tired of them old stars, Thee. I miss ’em up in Washington and Oregon where it’s misty. Like ’em best down in Mother Mexico, where they have everything their own way. I’m not for any country where the stars are dim.” Ray paused and drew on his pipe. “I don’t know as I ever really noticed ’em much till that first year I herded sheep up in Wyoming. That was the year the blizzard caught me.”
Ray lit his pipe. “I never get tired of those old stars, Thee. I miss them up in Washington and Oregon where it’s foggy. I like them best down in Mother Mexico, where they do things their own way. I’m not a fan of any place where the stars are dim.” Ray paused and took a puff from his pipe. “I don’t think I really noticed them much until that first year I herded sheep in Wyoming. That was the year the blizzard hit me.”
“And you lost all your sheep, didn’t you, Ray?” Thea spoke sympathetically. “Was the man who owned them nice about it?”
“And you lost all your sheep, didn’t you, Ray?” Thea said kindly. “Was the guy who owned them cool about it?”
“Yes, he was a good loser. But I didn’t get over it for a long while. Sheep are so damned resigned. Sometimes, to this day, when I’m dog-tired, I try to save them sheep all night long. It comes kind of hard on a boy when he first finds out how little he is, and how big everything else is.”
“Yes, he was a good sport about losing. But it took me a long time to get past it. Sheep are so incredibly resigned. Sometimes, even now, when I’m completely worn out, I find myself trying to save them all night long. It hits a boy pretty hard when he first realizes how small he is and how big everything else is.”
Thea moved restlessly toward him and dropped her chin on her hand, looking at a low star that seemed to rest just on the rim of the earth. “I don’t see how you stood it. I don’t believe I could. I don’t see how people can stand it to get knocked out, anyhow!” She spoke with such fierceness that Ray glanced at her in surprise. She was sitting on the floor of the car, crouching like a little animal about to spring.
Thea moved restlessly toward him and rested her chin on her hand, gazing at a low star that seemed to hang just on the edge of the earth. “I don’t understand how you managed it. I don’t think I could. I don’t get how people can handle getting knocked out, anyway!” She spoke with such intensity that Ray looked at her in surprise. She was sitting on the floor of the car, crouched like a small animal ready to pounce.
“No occasion for you to see,” he said warmly. “There’ll always be plenty of other people to take the knocks for you.”
“No reason for you to worry,” he said kindly. “There will always be plenty of other people to take the hits for you.”
“That’s nonsense, Ray.” Thea spoke impatiently and leaned lower still, frowning at the red star. “Everybody’s up against it for himself, succeeds or fails—himself.”
“That’s nonsense, Ray.” Thea said impatiently, leaning in closer, frowning at the red star. “Everyone's out for themselves; it's all about succeeding or failing—on their own.”
“In one way, yes,” Ray admitted, knocking the sparks from his pipe out into the soft darkness that seemed to flow like a river beside the car. “But when you look at it another way, there are a lot of halfway people in this world who help the winners win, and the failers fail. If a man stumbles, there’s plenty of people to push him down. But if he’s like ‘the youth who bore,’ those same people are foreordained to help him along. They may hate to, worse than blazes, and they may do a lot of cussin’ about it, but they have to help the winners and they can’t dodge it. It’s a natural law, like what keeps the big clock up there going, little wheels and big, and no mix-up.” Ray’s hand and his pipe were suddenly outlined against the sky. “Ever occur to you, Thee, that they have to be on time close enough to make time? The Dispatcher up there must have a long head.” Pleased with his similitude, Ray went back to the lookout. Going into Denver, he had to keep a sharp watch.
“In one way, yes,” Ray admitted, knocking the sparks from his pipe into the soft darkness that flowed beside the car like a river. “But when you think about it another way, there are a lot of people in this world who help the winners win and the losers lose. If a man stumbles, there are plenty of people ready to push him down. But if he's like ‘the youth who bore,’ those same people are destined to help him along. They may hate to do it, worse than anything, and they might complain a lot about it, but they have to assist the winners, and they can’t get around that. It’s a natural law, like what keeps the big clock up there running, with little wheels and big, and no mix-up.” Ray’s hand and his pipe were suddenly outlined against the sky. “Ever occurred to you, Thee, that they have to be on time close enough to make time? The Dispatcher up there must have a long head.” Pleased with his analogy, Ray went back to the lookout. On his way into Denver, he had to keep a sharp watch.
Giddy came down, cheerful at the prospect of getting into port, and singing a new topical ditty that had come up from the Santa Fé by way of La Junta. Nobody knows who makes these songs; they seem to follow events automatically. Mrs. Kronborg made Giddy sing the whole twelve verses of this one, and laughed until she wiped her eyes. The story was that of Katie Casey, head diningroom girl at Winslow, Arizona, who was unjustly discharged by the Harvey House manager. Her suitor, the yardmaster, took the switchmen out on a strike until she was reinstated. Freight trains from the east and the west piled up at Winslow until the yards looked like a log-jam. The division superintendent, who was in California, had to wire instructions for Katie Casey’s restoration before he could get his trains running. Giddy’s song told all this with much detail, both tender and technical, and after each of the dozen verses came the refrain:—
Giddy came down, excited about the idea of arriving at port, happily singing a new song that had traveled from Santa Fé via La Junta. No one knows who writes these songs; they seem to pop up with events. Mrs. Kronborg made Giddy sing all twelve verses of this one, laughing until she cried. The story was about Katie Casey, the head dining room girl at Winslow, Arizona, who was unfairly fired by the manager of the Harvey House. Her boyfriend, the yardmaster, organized a strike with the switchmen until she was brought back. Freight trains from the east and west backed up at Winslow, making the yards look like a jam. The division superintendent, who was in California, had to send a telegraph with instructions for Katie Casey’s reinstatement before he could get his trains moving again. Giddy’s song covered all of this in great detail, both touching and technical, and after each of the dozen verses came the refrain:—
“Oh, who would think that Katie Casey owned the Santa Fé?
But it really looks that way,
The dispatcher’s turnin’ gray,
All the crews is off their pay;
She can hold the freight from Albuquerq’ to Needles any day;
The division superintendent, he come home from Monterey,
Just to see if things was pleasin’ Katie
Ca—a—a—sey.”
“Oh, who would have thought that Katie Casey owned the Santa Fé?
But it really seems that way,
The dispatcher’s turning gray,
All the crews are off their pay;
She can hold the freight from Albuquerque to Needles any day;
The division superintendent came home from Monterey,
Just to see if things were pleasing to Katie
Ca—a—a—sey.”
Thea laughed with her mother and applauded Giddy. Everything was so kindly and comfortable; Giddy and Ray, and their hospitable little house, and the easy-going country, and the stars. She curled up on the seat again with that warm, sleepy feeling of the friendliness of the world—which nobody keeps very long, and which she was to lose early and irrevocably.
Thea laughed with her mom and cheered for Giddy. Everything felt so warm and cozy; Giddy and Ray, their welcoming little home, the laid-back countryside, and the stars. She snuggled up on the seat again, enjoying that warm, sleepy feeling of the world's kindness—which no one holds onto for long, and which she would soon lose forever.
XVII
The summer flew by. Thea was glad when Ray Kennedy had a Sunday in town and could take her driving. Out among the sand hills she could forget the “new room” which was the scene of wearing and fruitless labor. Dr. Archie was away from home a good deal that year. He had put all his money into mines above Colorado Springs, and he hoped for great returns from them.
The summer went by quickly. Thea was happy when Ray Kennedy had a Sunday in town and could take her for a drive. Out among the sand hills, she could forget about the “new room,” which was the site of exhausting and pointless work. Dr. Archie was away from home a lot that year. He had invested all his money into mines near Colorado Springs and was hoping for big returns from them.
In the fall of that year, Mr. Kronborg decided that Thea ought to show more interest in church work. He put it to her frankly, one night at supper, before the whole family. “How can I insist on the other girls in the congregation being active in the work, when one of my own daughters manifests so little interest?”
In the fall of that year, Mr. Kronborg decided that Thea should show more interest in church activities. He brought it up openly one night at dinner, in front of the whole family. “How can I expect the other girls in the congregation to be involved in the work when one of my own daughters shows so little interest?”
“But I sing every Sunday morning, and I have to give up one night a week to choir practice,” Thea declared rebelliously, pushing back her plate with an angry determination to eat nothing more.
“But I sing every Sunday morning, and I have to give up one night a week for choir practice,” Thea declared defiantly, pushing her plate away with a fierce determination to eat no more.
“One night a week is not enough for the pastor’s daughter,” her father replied. “You won’t do anything in the sewing society, and you won’t take part in the Christian Endeavor or the Band of Hope. Very well, you must make it up in other ways. I want some one to play the organ and lead the singing at prayer-meeting this winter. Deacon Potter told me some time ago that he thought there would be more interest in our prayer-meetings if we had the organ. Miss Meyers don’t feel that she can play on Wednesday nights. And there ought to be somebody to start the hymns. Mrs. Potter is getting old, and she always starts them too high. It won’t take much of your time, and it will keep people from talking.”
“One night a week isn’t enough for the pastor’s daughter,” her father responded. “You’re not involved in the sewing society, and you’re not participating in the Christian Endeavor or the Band of Hope. Well, you need to make up for that in other ways. I need someone to play the organ and lead the singing at prayer meeting this winter. Deacon Potter mentioned to me a while back that more people would be interested in our prayer meetings if we had the organ. Miss Meyers doesn’t feel she can play on Wednesday nights. And there should be someone to start the hymns. Mrs. Potter is getting older, and she always starts them too high. It won’t take much of your time, and it will keep people from chatting.”
This argument conquered Thea, though she left the table sullenly. The fear of the tongue, that terror of little towns, is usually felt more keenly by the minister’s family than by other households. Whenever the Kronborgs wanted to do anything, even to buy a new carpet, they had to take counsel together as to whether people would talk. Mrs. Kronborg had her own conviction that people talked when they felt like it, and said what they chose, no matter how the minister’s family conducted themselves. But she did not impart these dangerous ideas to her children. Thea was still under the belief that public opinion could be placated; that if you clucked often enough, the hens would mistake you for one of themselves.
This argument got to Thea, even though she left the table feeling down. The fear of gossip, that anxiety common in small towns, is usually more intensely felt by the minister’s family than by others. Whenever the Kronborgs wanted to do anything, even something as simple as buying a new carpet, they had to discuss whether people would talk about it. Mrs. Kronborg believed that people would gossip whenever they wanted and say whatever they liked, regardless of how the minister’s family behaved. But she didn’t share these risky thoughts with her children. Thea still believed that public opinion could be smoothed over; that if you made enough noise, the hens would see you as one of their own.
Mrs. Kronborg did not have any particular zest for prayer-meetings, and she stayed at home whenever she had a valid excuse. Thor was too old to furnish such an excuse now, so every Wednesday night, unless one of the children was sick, she trudged off with Thea, behind Mr. Kronborg. At first Thea was terribly bored. But she got used to prayer-meeting, got even to feel a mournful interest in it.
Mrs. Kronborg wasn’t really into prayer meetings, and she stayed home whenever she had a good excuse. Thor was too old to provide one now, so every Wednesday night, unless one of the kids was sick, she trudged off with Thea, following Mr. Kronborg. At first, Thea was really bored. But she got used to the prayer meetings and even started to feel a sad interest in them.
The exercises were always pretty much the same. After the first hymn her father read a passage from the Bible, usually a Psalm. Then there was another hymn, and then her father commented upon the passage he had read and, as he said, “applied the Word to our necessities.” After a third hymn, the meeting was declared open, and the old men and women took turns at praying and talking. Mrs. Kronborg never spoke in meeting. She told people firmly that she had been brought up to keep silent and let the men talk, but she gave respectful attention to the others, sitting with her hands folded in her lap.
The exercises were pretty much the same each time. After the first hymn, her dad read a passage from the Bible, usually a Psalm. Then there was another hymn, followed by her dad commenting on the passage he’d read and, as he put it, “applying the Word to our needs.” After a third hymn, the meeting officially started, and the older men and women took turns praying and sharing. Mrs. Kronborg never spoke up in the meeting. She firmly told people that she was raised to stay silent and let the men talk, but she paid respectful attention to the others, sitting with her hands folded in her lap.
The prayer-meeting audience was always small. The young and energetic members of the congregation came only once or twice a year, “to keep people from talking.” The usual Wednesday night gathering was made up of old women, with perhaps six or eight old men, and a few sickly girls who had not much interest in life; two of them, indeed, were already preparing to die. Thea accepted the mournfulness of the prayer-meetings as a kind of spiritual discipline, like funerals. She always read late after she went home and felt a stronger wish than usual to live and to be happy.
The prayer meeting crowd was always small. The young and lively members of the congregation only showed up once or twice a year, "to avoid the gossip." The typical Wednesday night gathering was mostly old women, with maybe six or eight old men, and a few frail girls who didn't have much interest in life; two of them were even getting ready to die. Thea viewed the somberness of the prayer meetings as a sort of spiritual exercise, similar to funerals. She always read late after getting home and felt a heightened desire to live and to be happy.
The meetings were conducted in the Sunday-School room, where there were wooden chairs instead of pews; an old map of Palestine hung on the wall, and the bracket lamps gave out only a dim light. The old women sat motionless as Indians in their shawls and bonnets; some of them wore long black mourning veils. The old men drooped in their chairs. Every back, every face, every head said “resignation.” Often there were long silences, when you could hear nothing but the crackling of the soft coal in the stove and the muffled cough of one of the sick girls.
The meetings took place in the Sunday School room, which had wooden chairs instead of pews; an old map of Palestine was displayed on the wall, and the bracket lamps provided only a dim light. The elderly women sat still like statues in their shawls and bonnets; some wore long black mourning veils. The older men slouched in their chairs. Every back, every face, every head conveyed “resignation.” There were often long silences, where the only sounds were the crackling of the soft coal in the stove and the muffled cough of one of the sick girls.
There was one nice old lady,—tall, erect, self-respecting, with a delicate white face and a soft voice. She never whined, and what she said was always cheerful, though she spoke so nervously that Thea knew she dreaded getting up, and that she made a real sacrifice to, as she said, “testify to the goodness of her Saviour.” She was the mother of the girl who coughed, and Thea used to wonder how she explained things to herself. There was, indeed, only one woman who talked because she was, as Mr. Kronborg said, “tonguey.” The others were somehow impressive. They told about the sweet thoughts that came to them while they were at their work; how, amid their household tasks, they were suddenly lifted by the sense of a divine Presence. Sometimes they told of their first conversion, of how in their youth that higher Power had made itself known to them. Old Mr. Carsen, the carpenter, who gave his services as janitor to the church, used often to tell how, when he was a young man and a scoffer, bent on the destruction of both body and soul, his Saviour had come to him in the Michigan woods and had stood, it seemed to him, beside the tree he was felling; and how he dropped his axe and knelt in prayer “to Him who died for us upon the tree.” Thea always wanted to ask him more about it; about his mysterious wickedness, and about the vision.
There was a nice old lady—tall, straight, dignified, with a delicate white face and a gentle voice. She never complained, and what she said was always upbeat, although she spoke so nervously that Thea could tell she was anxious about standing up, and that she made a real effort to, as she put it, “testify to the goodness of her Savior.” She was the mother of the girl who coughed, and Thea often wondered how she explained things to herself. There was, in fact, only one woman who talked just because she was, as Mr. Kronborg put it, “talkative.” The others had a certain presence. They shared the uplifting thoughts that came to them while doing their work; how, in the middle of their household chores, they suddenly felt a strong sense of a divine presence. Sometimes they recounted their first conversion, about how that higher Power had revealed itself to them in their youth. Old Mr. Carsen, the carpenter who volunteered as the church janitor, often shared how, when he was young and a skeptic, hell-bent on destroying both body and soul, his Savior appeared to him in the Michigan woods, seemingly standing beside the tree he was cutting down; and how he dropped his axe and knelt in prayer “to Him who died for us upon the tree.” Thea always wanted to ask him more about it—about his mysterious past and about the vision.
Sometimes the old people would ask for prayers for their absent children. Sometimes they asked their brothers and sisters in Christ to pray that they might be stronger against temptations. One of the sick girls used to ask them to pray that she might have more faith in the times of depression that came to her, “when all the way before seemed dark.” She repeated that husky phrase so often, that Thea always remembered it.
Sometimes the older folks would request prayers for their children who were away. Occasionally, they asked their fellow believers to pray for strength against temptations. One of the sick girls would often ask them to pray for her to have more faith during her periods of depression, “when everything ahead felt dark.” She repeated that phrase so often that Thea always remembered it.
One old woman, who never missed a Wednesday night, and who nearly always took part in the meeting, came all the way up from the depot settlement. She always wore a black crocheted “fascinator” over her thin white hair, and she made long, tremulous prayers, full of railroad terminology. She had six sons in the service of different railroads, and she always prayed “for the boys on the road, who know not at what moment they may be cut off. When, in Thy divine wisdom, their hour is upon them, may they, O our Heavenly Father, see only white lights along the road to Eternity.” She used to speak, too, of “the engines that race with death”; and though she looked so old and little when she was on her knees, and her voice was so shaky, her prayers had a thrill of speed and danger in them; they made one think of the deep black canyons, the slender trestles, the pounding trains. Thea liked to look at her sunken eyes that seemed full of wisdom, at her black thread gloves, much too long in the fingers and so meekly folded one over the other. Her face was brown, and worn away as rocks are worn by water. There are many ways of describing that color of age, but in reality it is not like parchment, or like any of the things it is said to be like. That brownness and that texture of skin are found only in the faces of old human creatures, who have worked hard and who have always been poor.
One old woman, who never missed a Wednesday night and who usually participated in the meeting, traveled all the way from the depot settlement. She always wore a black crocheted “fascinator” over her thin white hair, and she offered long, quavering prayers filled with railroad terminology. She had six sons working for different railroads, and she always prayed “for the boys on the road, who don’t know at what moment they might be cut off. When, in Your divine wisdom, their hour arrives, may they, O our Heavenly Father, see only white lights along the road to Eternity.” She also spoke of “the engines that race with death”; and even though she looked so old and small when she was on her knees, and her voice was so shaky, her prayers had a sense of speed and danger in them; they made one think of the deep black canyons, the slender trestles, and the pounding trains. Thea liked to look at her sunken eyes that seemed full of wisdom, at her black thread gloves, which were too long in the fingers and meekly folded one over the other. Her face was brown and worn down like rocks eroded by water. There are many ways to describe that shade of age, but in reality, it doesn’t resemble parchment, or anything it’s said to resemble. That brownness and texture of skin are found only in the faces of old humans who have worked hard and have always been poor.
One bitterly cold night in December the prayer-meeting seemed to Thea longer than usual. The prayers and the talks went on and on. It was as if the old people were afraid to go out into the cold, or were stupefied by the hot air of the room. She had left a book at home that she was impatient to get back to. At last the Doxology was sung, but the old people lingered about the stove to greet each other, and Thea took her mother’s arm and hurried out to the frozen sidewalk, before her father could get away. The wind was whistling up the street and whipping the naked cottonwood trees against the telegraph poles and the sides of the houses. Thin snow clouds were flying overhead, so that the sky looked gray, with a dull phosphorescence. The icy streets and the shingle roofs of the houses were gray, too. All along the street, shutters banged or windows rattled, or gates wobbled, held by their latch but shaking on loose hinges. There was not a cat or a dog in Moonstone that night that was not given a warm shelter; the cats under the kitchen stove, the dogs in barns or coal-sheds. When Thea and her mother reached home, their mufflers were covered with ice, where their breath had frozen. They hurried into the house and made a dash for the parlor and the hard-coal burner, behind which Gunner was sitting on a stool, reading his Jules Verne book. The door stood open into the dining-room, which was heated from the parlor. Mr. Kronborg always had a lunch when he came home from prayer-meeting, and his pumpkin pie and milk were set out on the dining-table. Mrs. Kronborg said she thought she felt hungry, too, and asked Thea if she didn’t want something to eat.
One bitterly cold night in December, the prayer meeting felt longer than usual to Thea. The prayers and discussions dragged on. It was like the older folks were afraid to go out into the cold or were dazed by the warm air in the room. She had left a book at home that she was eager to get back to. Finally, the Doxology was sung, but the elders lingered around the stove to greet one another, and Thea took her mother’s arm and rushed out onto the icy sidewalk before her father could catch up. The wind whistled down the street, whipping the bare cottonwood trees against the telegraph poles and the sides of the houses. Thin snow clouds raced overhead, making the sky look gray with a dull glow. The icy streets and the shingle roofs of the houses were gray, too. All along the street, shutters slammed, windows rattled, and gates wobbled, held by their latches but shaking on loose hinges. That night, there wasn’t a single cat or dog in Moonstone that wasn’t given a warm place to stay; cats huddled under kitchen stoves, dogs found comfort in barns or coal sheds. When Thea and her mother finally got home, their scarves were covered with ice from their frozen breath. They hurried into the house and dashed to the parlor, where Gunner was sitting on a stool, engrossed in his Jules Verne book. The door to the dining room stood open, warmed by the parlor. Mr. Kronborg always had a late-night snack after coming home from the prayer meeting, and his pumpkin pie and milk were laid out on the dining table. Mrs. Kronborg said she thought she felt hungry, too, and asked Thea if she wanted something to eat.
“No, I’m not hungry, mother. I guess I’ll go upstairs.”
“No, I’m not hungry, Mom. I guess I’ll head upstairs.”
“I expect you’ve got some book up there,” said Mrs. Kronborg, bringing out another pie. “You’d better bring it down here and read. Nobody’ll disturb you, and it’s terrible cold up in that loft.”
“I expect you’ve got some book up there,” said Mrs. Kronborg, bringing out another pie. “You’d better bring it down here and read. No one will bother you, and it’s really cold up in that attic.”
Thea was always assured that no one would disturb her if she read downstairs, but the boys talked when they came in, and her father fairly delivered discourses after he had been renewed by half a pie and a pitcher of milk.
Thea always felt confident that no one would bother her if she read downstairs, but the boys would chat when they came in, and her dad would go on long talks after he had refueled with half a pie and a pitcher of milk.
“I don’t mind the cold. I’ll take a hot brick up for my feet. I put one in the stove before I left, if one of the boys hasn’t stolen it. Good-night, mother.” Thea got her brick and lantern, and dashed upstairs through the windy loft. She undressed at top speed and got into bed with her brick. She put a pair of white knitted gloves on her hands, and pinned over her head a piece of soft flannel that had been one of Thor’s long petticoats when he was a baby. Thus equipped, she was ready for business. She took from her table a thick paper-backed volume, one of the “line” of paper novels the druggist kept to sell to traveling men. She had bought it, only yesterday, because the first sentence interested her very much, and because she saw, as she glanced over the pages, the magical names of two Russian cities. The book was a poor translation of “Anna Karenina.” Thea opened it at a mark, and fixed her eyes intently upon the small print. The hymns, the sick girl, the resigned black figures were forgotten. It was the night of the ball in Moscow.
“I don’t mind the cold. I’ll take a hot brick for my feet. I put one in the stove before I left, if one of the boys hasn’t stolen it. Goodnight, Mom.” Thea grabbed her brick and lantern and rushed upstairs through the windy loft. She quickly undressed and climbed into bed with her brick. She put on a pair of white knitted gloves and draped a piece of soft flannel over her head that used to be one of Thor’s long petticoats when he was a baby. With that, she was all set. She took a thick paper-backed novel from her table, part of the “line” of books the druggist sold to travelers. She had bought it just yesterday because the first sentence caught her interest, and she noticed the enchanting names of two Russian cities as she flipped through the pages. The book was a poor translation of “Anna Karenina.” Thea opened it at a mark and focused intently on the small print. The hymns, the sick girl, and the resigned black figures were forgotten. It was the night of the ball in Moscow.
Thea would have been astonished if she could have known how, years afterward, when she had need of them, those old faces were to come back to her, long after they were hidden away under the earth; that they would seem to her then as full of meaning, as mysteriously marked by Destiny, as the people who danced the mazurka under the elegant Korsunsky.
Thea would have been shocked if she had known how, years later, when she needed them, those old faces would return to her, long after they were buried in the ground; that they would seem to her just as significant, as mysteriously marked by Destiny, as the people who danced the mazurka under the stylish Korsunsky.
XVIII
Mr. Kronborg was too fond of his ease and too sensible to worry his children much about religion. He was more sincere than many preachers, but when he spoke to his family about matters of conduct it was usually with a regard for keeping up appearances. The church and church work were discussed in the family like the routine of any other business. Sunday was the hard day of the week with them, just as Saturday was the busy day with the merchants on Main Street. Revivals were seasons of extra work and pressure, just as threshing-time was on the farms. Visiting elders had to be lodged and cooked for, the folding-bed in the parlor was let down, and Mrs. Kronborg had to work in the kitchen all day long and attend the night meetings.
Mr. Kronborg loved his comfort and was sensible enough not to stress his kids too much about religion. He was more genuine than many preachers, but when he talked to his family about behavior, it was usually about maintaining appearances. Church and church activities were talked about in the family just like any other routine task. Sunday was their toughest day of the week, similar to how Saturday was busy for the merchants on Main Street. Revivals were times of extra work and stress, just like harvest season was for the farms. Visiting elders needed to be housed and fed, the fold-out bed in the living room was set up, and Mrs. Kronborg had to be in the kitchen all day and also attend the evening meetings.
During one of these revivals Thea’s sister Anna professed religion with, as Mrs. Kronborg said, “a good deal of fluster.” While Anna was going up to the mourners’ bench nightly and asking for the prayers of the congregation, she disseminated general gloom throughout the household, and after she joined the church she took on an air of “set-apartness” that was extremely trying to her brothers and her sister, though they realized that Anna’s sanctimoniousness was perhaps a good thing for their father. A preacher ought to have one child who did more than merely acquiesce in religious observances, and Thea and the boys were glad enough that it was Anna and not one of themselves who assumed this obligation.
During one of these revivals, Thea’s sister Anna joined the church with, as Mrs. Kronborg put it, “a good deal of drama.” While Anna was going up to the mourners’ bench every night and asking for the congregation's prayers, she spread a sense of gloom throughout the household. After she joined the church, she adopted a kind of "set-apartness" that was really challenging for her brothers and sister, even though they understood that Anna’s piety was probably beneficial for their father. A preacher should have at least one child who was more than just compliant with religious practices, and Thea and the boys were more than happy that it was Anna and not one of them who took on this role.
“Anna, she’s American,” Mrs. Kronborg used to say. The Scandinavian mould of countenance, more or less marked in each of the other children, was scarcely discernible in her, and she looked enough like other Moonstone girls to be thought pretty. Anna’s nature was conventional, like her face. Her position as the minister’s eldest daughter was important to her, and she tried to live up to it. She read sentimental religious story-books and emulated the spiritual struggles and magnanimous behavior of their persecuted heroines. Everything had to be interpreted for Anna. Her opinions about the smallest and most commonplace things were gleaned from the Denver papers, the church weeklies, from sermons and Sunday-School addresses. Scarcely anything was attractive to her in its natural state—indeed, scarcely anything was decent until it was clothed by the opinion of some authority. Her ideas about habit, character, duty, love, marriage, were grouped under heads, like a book of popular quotations, and were totally unrelated to the emergencies of human living. She discussed all these subjects with other Methodist girls of her age. They would spend hours, for instance, in deciding what they would or would not tolerate in a suitor or a husband, and the frailties of masculine nature were too often a subject of discussion among them. In her behavior Anna was a harmless girl, mild except where her prejudices were concerned, neat and industrious, with no graver fault than priggishness; but her mind had really shocking habits of classification. The wickedness of Denver and of Chicago, and even of Moonstone, occupied her thoughts too much. She had none of the delicacy that goes with a nature of warm impulses, but the kind of fishy curiosity which justifies itself by an expression of horror.
“Anna, she’s American,” Mrs. Kronborg used to say. The Scandinavian features that were more or less evident in the other kids were barely noticeable in her, and she looked similar enough to other Moonstone girls to be considered pretty. Anna’s personality was conventional, just like her appearance. As the minister’s oldest daughter, her position mattered to her, and she tried to uphold it. She read sentimental religious storybooks and admired the spiritual struggles and noble actions of their persecuted heroines. Everything had to be explained to Anna. Her views on even the smallest, most ordinary matters came from the Denver newspapers, church weeklies, sermons, and Sunday School talks. Almost nothing appealed to her in its raw form—indeed, nearly everything seemed inappropriate until it was framed by someone else's opinion. Her thoughts on habit, character, duty, love, and marriage were organized like a collection of popular quotes and were completely disconnected from the realities of human life. She talked about all these topics with other Methodist girls her age. They would spend hours, for example, debating what they would or wouldn't accept in a boyfriend or husband, and the flaws of men were often a hot topic among them. In her behavior, Anna was an innocent girl, gentle except when it came to her biases, tidy and hardworking, with no worse flaw than being a bit self-righteous; but her thinking had truly alarming tendencies toward classification. The evils of Denver, Chicago, and even Moonstone occupied her mind too much. She lacked the sensitivity that comes with a warm-hearted nature, possessing instead a kind of prying curiosity that justifies itself through a facade of horror.
Thea, and all Thea’s ways and friends, seemed indecorous to Anna. She not only felt a grave social discrimination against the Mexicans; she could not forget that Spanish Johnny was a drunkard and that “nobody knew what he did when he ran away from home.” Thea pretended, of course, that she liked the Mexicans because they were fond of music; but every one knew that music was nothing very real, and that it did not matter in a girl’s relations with people. What was real, then, and what did matter? Poor Anna!
Thea and all of her habits and friends seemed inappropriate to Anna. She not only felt a serious social bias against the Mexicans; she couldn't forget that Spanish Johnny was a drunk and that “nobody knew what he did when he left home.” Thea pretended, of course, that she liked the Mexicans because they enjoyed music; but everyone knew that music wasn’t very substantial and didn't really influence a girl’s relationships with others. So, what was real, and what did matter? Poor Anna!
Anna approved of Ray Kennedy as a young man of steady habits and blameless life, but she regretted that he was an atheist, and that he was not a passenger conductor with brass buttons on his coat. On the whole, she wondered what such an exemplary young man found to like in Thea. Dr. Archie she treated respectfully because of his position in Moonstone, but she knew he had kissed the Mexican barytone’s pretty daughter, and she had a whole dossier of evidence about his behavior in his hours of relaxation in Denver. He was “fast,” and it was because he was “fast” that Thea liked him. Thea always liked that kind of people. Dr. Archie’s whole manner with Thea, Anna often told her mother, was too free. He was always putting his hand on Thea’s head, or holding her hand while he laughed and looked down at her. The kindlier manifestation of human nature (about which Anna sang and talked, in the interests of which she went to conventions and wore white ribbons) were never realities to her after all. She did not believe in them. It was only in attitudes of protest or reproof, clinging to the cross, that human beings could be even temporarily decent.
Anna thought Ray Kennedy was a solid young man with good habits and a clean life, but she wished he weren't an atheist and that he had a job as a train conductor with shiny brass buttons on his coat. Overall, she wondered what such a respectable young man saw in Thea. She treated Dr. Archie with respect because of his position in Moonstone, but she knew he had kissed the pretty daughter of the Mexican barytone, and she had a whole dossier of evidence about his behavior during his downtime in Denver. He was “wild,” and it was because he was “wild” that Thea liked him. Thea always liked that kind of person. Anna often told her mother that Dr. Archie’s whole demeanor with Thea was too familiar. He was always touching Thea’s head or holding her hand while laughing and looking down at her. The kinder aspects of human nature (about which Anna sang and talked, and for the sake of which she attended conventions and wore white ribbons) never felt real to her, after all. She didn’t believe in them. It was only in moments of protest or reprimand, clinging to the cross, that people could be even temporarily decent.
Preacher Kronborg’s secret convictions were very much like Anna’s. He believed that his wife was absolutely good, but there was not a man or woman in his congregation whom he trusted all the way.
Preacher Kronborg’s secret beliefs were very much like Anna’s. He thought his wife was completely good, but there wasn’t a single person in his congregation whom he fully trusted.
Mrs. Kronborg, on the other hand, was likely to find something to admire in almost any human conduct that was positive and energetic. She could always be taken in by the stories of tramps and runaway boys. She went to the circus and admired the bareback riders, who were “likely good enough women in their way.” She admired Dr. Archie’s fine physique and well-cut clothes as much as Thea did, and said she “felt it was a privilege to be handled by such a gentleman when she was sick.”
Mrs. Kronborg, on the other hand, was likely to find something to appreciate in almost any positive and energetic human behavior. She was easily charmed by the stories of drifters and runaway boys. She went to the circus and admired the bareback riders, who were “probably decent women in their own way.” She admired Dr. Archie’s great physique and well-tailored clothes just as much as Thea did, and said she “felt it was a privilege to be cared for by such a gentleman when she was unwell.”
Soon after Anna became a church member she began to remonstrate with Thea about practicing—playing “secular music”—on Sunday. One Sunday the dispute in the parlor grew warm and was carried to Mrs. Kronborg in the kitchen. She listened judicially and told Anna to read the chapter about how Naaman the leper was permitted to bow down in the house of Rimmon. Thea went back to the piano, and Anna lingered to say that, since she was in the right, her mother should have supported her.
Soon after Anna joined the church, she started to argue with Thea about practicing—playing "secular music"—on Sundays. One Sunday, the argument in the parlor heated up and was taken to Mrs. Kronborg in the kitchen. She listened carefully and told Anna to read the chapter about how Naaman the leper was allowed to bow down in the house of Rimmon. Thea returned to the piano, and Anna stayed behind to say that, since she was in the right, her mother should have backed her up.
“No,” said Mrs. Kronborg, rather indifferently, “I can’t see it that way, Anna. I never forced you to practice, and I don’t see as I should keep Thea from it. I like to hear her, and I guess your father does. You and Thea will likely follow different lines, and I don’t see as I’m called upon to bring you up alike.”
“No,” said Mrs. Kronborg, rather indifferently, “I can’t see it that way, Anna. I never forced you to practice, and I don’t think I should keep Thea from it. I enjoy listening to her, and I guess your father does too. You and Thea will probably go in different directions, and I don’t think it’s my responsibility to raise you both the same.”
Anna looked meek and abused. “Of course all the church people must hear her. Ours is the only noisy house on this street. You hear what she’s playing now, don’t you?”
Anna looked quiet and mistreated. “Of course all the church folks have to hear her. Ours is the only loud house on this street. You can hear what she’s playing now, can’t you?”
Mrs. Kronborg rose from browning her coffee. “Yes; it’s the Blue Danube waltzes. I’m familiar with ’em. If any of the church people come at you, you just send ’em to me. I ain’t afraid to speak out on occasion, and I wouldn’t mind one bit telling the Ladies’ Aid a few things about standard composers.” Mrs. Kronborg smiled, and added thoughtfully, “No, I wouldn’t mind that one bit.”
Mrs. Kronborg got up from making her coffee. “Yeah, it’s the Blue Danube waltzes. I know them well. If any of the church folks come after you, just send them my way. I’m not afraid to speak my mind now and then, and I wouldn’t hesitate to tell the Ladies’ Aid a thing or two about classic composers.” Mrs. Kronborg smiled and added thoughtfully, “No, I wouldn’t mind that at all.”
Anna went about with a reserved and distant air for a week, and Mrs. Kronborg suspected that she held a larger place than usual in her daughter’s prayers; but that was another thing she didn’t mind.
Anna carried herself with a reserved and distant attitude for a week, and Mrs. Kronborg suspected that she had a bigger role than usual in her daughter’s prayers; but that was something she didn’t worry about.
Although revivals were merely a part of the year’s work, like examination week at school, and although Anna’s piety impressed her very little, a time came when Thea was perplexed about religion. A scourge of typhoid broke out in Moonstone and several of Thea’s schoolmates died of it. She went to their funerals, saw them put into the ground, and wondered a good deal about them. But a certain grim incident, which caused the epidemic, troubled her even more than the death of her friends.
Although revivals were just a part of the year’s routine, like exam week at school, and even though Anna’s devotion didn't impress Thea much, there came a time when Thea felt confused about religion. A wave of typhoid swept through Moonstone, and several of Thea’s classmates died from it. She attended their funerals, watched them being buried, and thought a lot about them. But a specific grim event that triggered the epidemic bothered her even more than losing her friends.
Early in July, soon after Thea’s fifteenth birthday, a particularly disgusting sort of tramp came into Moonstone in an empty box car. Thea was sitting in the hammock in the front yard when he first crawled up to the town from the depot, carrying a bundle wrapped in dirty ticking under one arm, and under the other a wooden box with rusty screening nailed over one end. He had a thin, hungry face covered with black hair. It was just before suppertime when he came along, and the street smelled of fried potatoes and fried onions and coffee. Thea saw him sniffing the air greedily and walking slower and slower. He looked over the fence. She hoped he would not stop at their gate, for her mother never turned any one away, and this was the dirtiest and most utterly wretched-looking tramp she had ever seen. There was a terrible odor about him, too. She caught it even at that distance, and put her handkerchief to her nose. A moment later she was sorry, for she knew that he had noticed it. He looked away and shuffled a little faster.
Early in July, shortly after Thea’s fifteenth birthday, a particularly unpleasant tramp arrived in Moonstone on an empty boxcar. Thea was lounging in the hammock in the front yard when he first crawled into town from the depot, carrying a bundle wrapped in dirty fabric under one arm, and under the other, a wooden box with rusty mesh nailed over one end. He had a thin, hungry face covered in black hair. It was just before dinner when he came by, and the street smelled of fried potatoes, fried onions, and coffee. Thea saw him sniffing the air eagerly and walking slower and slower. He glanced over the fence. She hoped he wouldn’t stop at their gate because her mother never turned anyone away, and this was the dirtiest and most miserable-looking tramp she had ever encountered. There was also a terrible stench about him. She caught a whiff of it even from that distance and quickly held her handkerchief to her nose. A moment later, she regretted it, knowing he had noticed. He looked away and shuffled a little faster.
A few days later Thea heard that the tramp had camped in an empty shack over on the east edge of town, beside the ravine, and was trying to give a miserable sort of show there. He told the boys who went to see what he was doing, that he had traveled with a circus. His bundle contained a filthy clown’s suit, and his box held half a dozen rattlesnakes.
A few days later, Thea heard that the drifter had set up camp in an abandoned shack on the east side of town, next to the ravine, and was trying to put on a sad sort of show. He told the kids who came to check it out that he had traveled with a circus. His bundle had a dirty clown suit, and his box contained half a dozen rattlesnakes.
Saturday night, when Thea went to the butcher shop to get the chickens for Sunday, she heard the whine of an accordion and saw a crowd before one of the saloons. There she found the tramp, his bony body grotesquely attired in the clown’s suit, his face shaved and painted white,—the sweat trickling through the paint and washing it away,—and his eyes wild and feverish. Pulling the accordion in and out seemed to be almost too great an effort for him, and he panted to the tune of “Marching through Georgia.” After a considerable crowd had gathered, the tramp exhibited his box of snakes, announced that he would now pass the hat, and that when the onlookers had contributed the sum of one dollar, he would eat “one of these living reptiles.” The crowd began to cough and murmur, and the saloon keeper rushed off for the marshal, who arrested the wretch for giving a show without a license and hurried him away to the calaboose.
Saturday night, when Thea went to the butcher shop to pick up the chickens for Sunday, she heard the sound of an accordion and saw a crowd in front of one of the bars. There she found a homeless man, his thin body awkwardly dressed in a clown’s suit, his face shaved and painted white—the sweat trickling through the paint and washing it away—and his eyes looking wild and frantic. Pulling the accordion in and out seemed like a huge effort for him, and he panted along to the tune of “Marching through Georgia.” After a decent crowd had gathered, the man showed off his box of snakes, announced that he would now pass the hat, and that once the onlookers had contributed a dollar, he would eat “one of these living reptiles.” The crowd began to cough and murmur, and the bar owner quickly went off to get the marshal, who arrested the guy for putting on a show without a license and hurried him off to jail.
The calaboose stood in a sunflower patch,—an old hut with a barred window and a padlock on the door. The tramp was utterly filthy and there was no way to give him a bath. The law made no provision to grub-stake vagrants, so after the constable had detained the tramp for twentyfour hours, he released him and told him to “get out of town, and get quick.” The fellow’s rattlesnakes had been killed by the saloon keeper. He hid in a box car in the freight yard, probably hoping to get a ride to the next station, but he was found and put out. After that he was seen no more. He had disappeared and left no trace except an ugly, stupid word, chalked on the black paint of the seventy-five-foot standpipe which was the reservoir for the Moonstone water-supply; the same word, in another tongue, that the French soldier shouted at Waterloo to the English officer who bade the Old Guard surrender; a comment on life which the defeated, along the hard roads of the world, sometimes bawl at the victorious.
The jail was located in a sunflower patch—an old shack with a barred window and a padlock on the door. The homeless man was completely filthy, and there was no way to give him a bath. The law didn’t offer any support for vagrants, so after the constable held him for twenty-four hours, he let him go and told him to "get out of town, and do it fast." The saloon owner had killed his rattlesnakes. He hid in a boxcar in the freight yard, probably hoping to catch a ride to the next station, but he was found and kicked out. After that, he was never seen again. He had vanished without a trace, except for a crude, ignorant word scrawled on the black paint of the seventy-five-foot standpipe that served as the reservoir for the Moonstone water supply; the same word, in another language, that a French soldier yelled at Waterloo to the English officer who ordered the Old Guard to surrender; a remark on life which the defeated, along the difficult roads of the world, sometimes shout at the victorious.
A week after the tramp excitement had passed over, the city water began to smell and to taste. The Kronborgs had a well in their back yard and did not use city water, but they heard the complaints of their neighbors. At first people said that the town well was full of rotting cottonwood roots, but the engineer at the pumping-station convinced the mayor that the water left the well untainted. Mayors reason slowly, but, the well being eliminated, the official mind had to travel toward the standpipe—there was no other track for it to go in. The standpipe amply rewarded investigation. The tramp had got even with Moonstone. He had climbed the standpipe by the handholds and let himself down into seventy-five feet of cold water, with his shoes and hat and roll of ticking. The city council had a mild panic and passed a new ordinance about tramps. But the fever had already broken out, and several adults and half a dozen children died of it.
A week after the excitement about the tramp had faded, the city water started to smell and taste bad. The Kronborgs had a well in their backyard and didn't use city water, but they heard their neighbors complaining. At first, people said the town well was clogged with decaying cottonwood roots, but the engineer at the pumping station convinced the mayor that the water from the well was clean. Mayors think things through slowly, but since the well was ruled out, the official attention turned to the standpipe—there was no other option. The standpipe was definitely worth looking into. The tramp had gotten even with Moonstone. He climbed the standpipe using the handholds and lowered himself down into seventy-five feet of cold water, taking his shoes, hat, and roll of ticking with him. The city council panicked slightly and passed a new ordinance about tramps. But the illness had already spread, and several adults and a few children died from it.
Thea had always found everything that happened in Moonstone exciting, disasters particularly so. It was gratifying to read sensational Moonstone items in the Denver paper. But she wished she had not chanced to see the tramp as he came into town that evening, sniffing the supper-laden air. His face remained unpleasantly clear in her memory, and her mind struggled with the problem of his behavior as if it were a hard page in arithmetic. Even when she was practicing, the drama of the tramp kept going on in the back of her head, and she was constantly trying to make herself realize what pitch of hatred or despair could drive a man to do such a hideous thing. She kept seeing him in his bedraggled clown suit, the white paint on his roughly shaven face, playing his accordion before the saloon. She had noticed his lean body, his high, bald forehead that sloped back like a curved metal lid. How could people fall so far out of fortune? She tried to talk to Ray Kennedy about her perplexity, but Ray would not discuss things of that sort with her. It was in his sentimental conception of women that they should be deeply religious, though men were at liberty to doubt and finally to deny. A picture called “The Soul Awakened,” popular in Moonstone parlors, pretty well interpreted Ray’s idea of woman’s spiritual nature.
Thea had always found everything happening in Moonstone exciting, especially disasters. It was satisfying to read sensational Moonstone stories in the Denver paper. But she wished she hadn’t happened to see the vagrant as he entered town that evening, sniffing the air filled with the smell of supper. His face stuck unpleasantly in her memory, and her mind wrestled with the puzzle of his behavior like it was a tough math problem. Even while practicing, the drama of the vagrant lingered in her thoughts, and she constantly tried to understand what kind of hatred or despair could drive a man to act so horrifically. She kept envisioning him in his tattered clown suit, the white paint on his roughly shaven face, playing his accordion outside the saloon. She had noticed his lean body and his high, bald forehead that sloped back like a curved metal lid. How could people fall so far from grace? She attempted to discuss her confusion with Ray Kennedy, but Ray wouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff with her. He believed women should be deeply religious, while men were free to doubt and ultimately deny. A painting called “The Soul Awakened,” popular in Moonstone parlors, pretty much summed up Ray’s idea of a woman’s spiritual nature.
One evening when she was haunted by the figure of the tramp, Thea went up to Dr. Archie’s office. She found him sewing up two bad gashes in the face of a little boy who had been kicked by a mule. After the boy had been bandaged and sent away with his father, Thea helped the doctor wash and put away the surgical instruments. Then she dropped into her accustomed seat beside his desk and began to talk about the tramp. Her eyes were hard and green with excitement, the doctor noticed.
One evening, when Thea was troubled by the image of the tramp, she went up to Dr. Archie’s office. She found him stitching up two deep cuts on the face of a little boy who had been kicked by a mule. After the boy was bandaged and sent off with his father, Thea helped the doctor clean and store the surgical instruments. Then she settled into her usual seat beside his desk and started to talk about the tramp. The doctor noticed that her eyes were intense and green with excitement.
“It seems to me, Dr. Archie, that the whole town’s to blame. I’m to blame, myself. I know he saw me hold my nose when he went by. Father’s to blame. If he believes the Bible, he ought to have gone to the calaboose and cleaned that man up and taken care of him. That’s what I can’t understand; do people believe the Bible, or don’t they? If the next life is all that matters, and we’re put here to get ready for it, then why do we try to make money, or learn things, or have a good time? There’s not one person in Moonstone that really lives the way the New Testament says. Does it matter, or don’t it?”
“It seems to me, Dr. Archie, that the whole town is at fault. I’m at fault too. I know he saw me hold my nose when he walked by. My father is to blame as well. If he believes in the Bible, he should have gone to the jail and helped that man out and took care of him. That’s what I can't wrap my head around; do people believe in the Bible or not? If the next life is all that matters, and we’re here to prepare for it, then why do we strive to make money, learn things, or have fun? There isn’t a single person in Moonstone who truly lives according to what the New Testament says. Does it matter, or not?”
Dr. Archie swung round in his chair and looked at her, honestly and leniently. “Well, Thea, it seems to me like this. Every people has had its religion. All religions are good, and all are pretty much alike. But I don’t see how we could live up to them in the sense you mean. I’ve thought about it a good deal, and I can’t help feeling that while we are in this world we have to live for the best things of this world, and those things are material and positive. Now, most religions are passive, and they tell us chiefly what we should not do.” The doctor moved restlessly, and his eyes hunted for something along the opposite wall: “See here, my girl, take out the years of early childhood and the time we spend in sleep and dull old age, and we only have about twenty able, waking years. That’s not long enough to get acquainted with half the fine things that have been done in the world, much less to do anything ourselves. I think we ought to keep the Commandments and help other people all we can; but the main thing is to live those twenty splendid years; to do all we can and enjoy all we can.”
Dr. Archie turned in his chair and looked at her, sincerely and kindly. “Well, Thea, here’s how I see it. Every group of people has had its own religion. All religions are valuable, and they’re pretty similar. But I don’t understand how we could truly follow them in the way you mean. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I can’t shake the feeling that while we’re in this world, we need to focus on the best aspects of this life, and those are tangible and real. Most religions are more about being passive, and they mostly tell us what we shouldn’t do.” The doctor shifted uneasily, and his eyes searched for something on the opposite wall: “Look, my girl, if you take away the years of early childhood, the time we spend sleeping, and the dull years of old age, we really only have about twenty active, waking years. That’s not enough time to get to know even half of the amazing things that have happened in the world, let alone accomplish anything ourselves. I think we should follow the Commandments and help others as much as we can, but the most important thing is to live those twenty incredible years; to do everything we can and enjoy every moment we can.”
Dr. Archie met his little friend’s searching gaze, the look of acute inquiry which always touched him.
Dr. Archie met his little friend's searching gaze, the look of intense curiosity that always moved him.
“But poor fellows like that tramp—” she hesitated and wrinkled her forehead.
“But guys like that tramp—” she paused and furrowed her brow.
The doctor leaned forward and put his hand protectingly over hers, which lay clenched on the green felt desktop. “Ugly accidents happen, Thea; always have and always will. But the failures are swept back into the pile and forgotten. They don’t leave any lasting scar in the world, and they don’t affect the future. The things that last are the good things. The people who forge ahead and do something, they really count.” He saw tears on her cheeks, and he remembered that he had never seen her cry before, not even when she crushed her finger when she was little. He rose and walked to the window, came back and sat down on the edge of his chair.
The doctor leaned forward and gently placed his hand over hers, which was clenched on the green felt desktop. “Accidents happen, Thea; they always have and always will. But the failures get pushed aside and forgotten. They don’t leave any lasting mark on the world, and they don’t shape the future. What endures are the good things. The people who push forward and take action, they really matter.” He noticed tears on her cheeks and realized he had never seen her cry before, not even when she hurt her finger as a child. He got up and walked to the window, then returned and sat on the edge of his chair.
“Forget the tramp, Thea. This is a great big world, and I want you to get about and see it all. You’re going to Chicago some day, and do something with that fine voice of yours. You’re going to be a number one musician and make us proud of you. Take Mary Anderson, now; even the tramps are proud of her. There isn’t a tramp along the ‘Q’ system who hasn’t heard of her. We all like people who do things, even if we only see their faces on a cigar-box lid.”
“Forget the drifter, Thea. This is a huge world, and I want you to get out there and see it all. You’re going to Chicago one day and do something amazing with that great voice of yours. You’re going to be a top-notch musician and make us proud. Take Mary Anderson, for example; even the drifters are proud of her. There isn’t a drifter along the ‘Q’ system who hasn’t heard of her. We all admire people who achieve things, even if we only see their faces on a cigar box.”
They had a long talk. Thea felt that Dr. Archie had never let himself out to her so much before. It was the most grown-up conversation she had ever had with him. She left his office happy, flattered and stimulated. She ran for a long while about the white, moonlit streets, looking up at the stars and the bluish night, at the quiet houses sunk in black shade, the glittering sand hills. She loved the familiar trees, and the people in those little houses, and she loved the unknown world beyond Denver. She felt as if she were being pulled in two, between the desire to go away forever and the desire to stay forever. She had only twenty years—no time to lose.
They had a long conversation. Thea felt like Dr. Archie had opened up to her more than ever before. It was the most mature conversation she had ever had with him. She left his office feeling happy, flattered, and energized. She ran for a long time through the white, moonlit streets, looking up at the stars and the blue night, at the quiet houses shrouded in darkness, the sparkling sand hills. She loved the familiar trees, the people in those little houses, and she loved the unknown world beyond Denver. She felt torn between the urge to leave forever and the wish to stay forever. She was only twenty—no time to waste.
Many a night that summer she left Dr. Archie’s office with a desire to run and run about those quiet streets until she wore out her shoes, or wore out the streets themselves; when her chest ached and it seemed as if her heart were spreading all over the desert. When she went home, it was not to go to sleep. She used to drag her mattress beside her low window and lie awake for a long while, vibrating with excitement, as a machine vibrates from speed. Life rushed in upon her through that window—or so it seemed. In reality, of course, life rushes from within, not from without. There is no work of art so big or so beautiful that it was not once all contained in some youthful body, like this one which lay on the floor in the moonlight, pulsing with ardor and anticipation. It was on such nights that Thea Kronborg learned the thing that old Dumas meant when he told the Romanticists that to make a drama he needed but one passion and four walls.
Many nights that summer, she left Dr. Archie's office wanting to run up and down those quiet streets until her shoes were worn out, or the streets themselves were used up; when her chest hurt and it felt like her heart was spreading all over the desert. When she got home, it wasn’t to go to sleep. She would drag her mattress over to her low window and lie awake for a long time, buzzing with excitement, like a machine humming from speed. Life seemed to rush in through that window. In reality, of course, life comes from within, not from outside. There’s no piece of art so grand or beautiful that it wasn’t once contained in some youthful body, like the one lying on the floor in the moonlight, pulsing with passion and anticipation. It was on nights like these that Thea Kronborg understood what old Dumas meant when he told the Romanticists that to create drama, all he needed was one passion and four walls.
XIX
It is well for its peace of mind that the traveling public takes railroads so much for granted. The only men who are incurably nervous about railway travel are the railroad operatives. A railroad man never forgets that the next run may be his turn.
It's good for their peace of mind that travelers take trains for granted. The only people who are constantly anxious about train travel are the railroad workers. A railroad worker never forgets that the next trip could be their last.
On a single-track road, like that upon which Ray Kennedy worked, the freight trains make their way as best they can between passenger trains. Even when there is such a thing as a freight time-schedule, it is merely a form. Along the one track dozens of fast and slow trains dash in both directions, kept from collision only by the brains in the dispatcher’s office. If one passenger train is late, the whole schedule must be revised in an instant; the trains following must be warned, and those moving toward the belated train must be assigned new meeting-places.
On a single-track road, like the one Ray Kennedy worked on, freight trains navigate as best they can between passenger trains. Even when there’s a freight schedule, it’s just a formality. Along that one track, dozens of fast and slow trains whiz by in both directions, with safety dependent solely on the dispatcher’s office. If one passenger train is late, the entire schedule has to be adjusted immediately; the trains behind must be notified, and those heading toward the delayed train have to be reassigned new meeting spots.
Between the shifts and modifications of the passenger schedule, the freight trains play a game of their own. They have no right to the track at any given time, but are supposed to be on it when it is free, and to make the best time they can between passenger trains. A freight train, on a single-track road, gets anywhere at all only by stealing bases.
Between the changes in the passenger schedule, the freight trains have their own routine. They don’t have priority on the track, but they’re expected to use it when it’s available and to move as quickly as possible between passenger trains. A freight train on a single-track line can only get anywhere by taking chances.
Ray Kennedy had stuck to the freight service, although he had had opportunities to go into the passenger service at higher pay. He always regarded railroading as a temporary makeshift, until he “got into something,” and he disliked the passenger service. No brass buttons for him, he said; too much like a livery. While he was railroading he would wear a jumper, thank you!
Ray Kennedy had stuck with the freight service, even though he had chances to move into passenger service for higher pay. He always saw railroading as a temporary gig until he “found something better,” and he didn’t like the passenger service. No brass buttons for him, he said; it felt too much like a uniform. While he was working in railroading, he preferred to wear a work shirt, thank you!
The wreck that “caught” Ray was a very commonplace one; nothing thrilling about it, and it got only six lines in the Denver papers. It happened about daybreak one morning, only thirty-two miles from home.
The crash that “caught” Ray was pretty ordinary; nothing exciting about it, and it only got six lines in the Denver papers. It happened around daybreak one morning, just thirty-two miles from home.
At four o’clock in the morning Ray’s train had stopped to take water at Saxony, having just rounded the long curve which lies south of that station. It was Joe Giddy’s business to walk back along the curve about three hundred yards and put out torpedoes to warn any train which might be coming up from behind—a freight crew is not notified of trains following, and the brakeman is supposed to protect his train. Ray was so fussy about the punctilious observance of orders that almost any brakeman would take a chance once in a while, from natural perversity.
At four in the morning, Ray's train stopped to take on water at Saxony, having just gone around the long curve south of that station. It was Joe Giddy’s job to walk back along the curve for about three hundred yards and place torpedoes to alert any train that might be coming up from behind—freight crews aren’t notified of trains following them, and the brakeman is expected to protect his train. Ray was so particular about strictly following orders that most brakemen would occasionally take risks out of sheer defiance.
When the train stopped for water that morning, Ray was at the desk in his caboose, making out his report. Giddy took his torpedoes, swung off the rear platform, and glanced back at the curve. He decided that he would not go back to flag this time. If anything was coming up behind, he could hear it in plenty of time. So he ran forward to look after a hot journal that had been bothering him. In a general way, Giddy’s reasoning was sound. If a freight train, or even a passenger train, had been coming up behind them, he could have heard it in time. But as it happened, a light engine, which made no noise at all, was coming,—ordered out to help with the freight that was piling up at the other end of the division. This engine got no warning, came round the curve, struck the caboose, went straight through it, and crashed into the heavy lumber car ahead.
When the train stopped for water that morning, Ray was at the desk in his caboose, working on his report. Giddy took his torpedoes, jumped off the back platform, and looked back at the curve. He decided not to go back to flag this time. If anything was coming up behind, he could hear it in plenty of time. So he ran forward to check on a hot journal that had been bothering him. In general, Giddy’s reasoning was sound. If a freight train or even a passenger train had been coming up behind them, he would have heard it in time. But as it turned out, a light engine, which was completely silent, was on its way—sent out to help with the freight that was piling up at the other end of the division. This engine received no warning, rounded the curve, hit the caboose, went straight through it, and crashed into the heavy lumber car ahead.
The Kronborgs were just sitting down to breakfast, when the night telegraph operator dashed into the yard at a run and hammered on the front door. Gunner answered the knock, and the telegraph operator told him he wanted to see his father a minute, quick. Mr. Kronborg appeared at the door, napkin in hand. The operator was pale and panting.
The Kronborgs were just about to sit down for breakfast when the night telegraph operator rushed into the yard and banged on the front door. Gunner answered the door, and the telegraph operator asked to see his father for a moment, quickly. Mr. Kronborg came to the door, napkin in hand. The operator looked pale and was out of breath.
“Fourteen was wrecked down at Saxony this morning,” he shouted, “and Kennedy’s all broke up. We’re sending an engine down with the doctor, and the operator at Saxony says Kennedy wants you to come along with us and bring your girl.” He stopped for breath.
“Fourteen crashed at Saxony this morning,” he shouted, “and Kennedy’s really messed up. We’re sending an engine down with the doctor, and the operator at Saxony says Kennedy wants you to come with us and bring your girl.” He paused to catch his breath.
Mr. Kronborg took off his glasses and began rubbing them with his napkin.
Mr. Kronborg removed his glasses and started wiping them with his napkin.
“Bring—I don’t understand,” he muttered. “How did this happen?”
“Bring—I don’t get it,” he mumbled. “How did this happen?”
“No time for that, sir. Getting the engine out now. Your girl, Thea. You’ll surely do that for the poor chap. Everybody knows he thinks the world of her.” Seeing that Mr. Kronborg showed no indication of having made up his mind, the operator turned to Gunner. “Call your sister, kid. I’m going to ask the girl herself,” he blurted out.
“No time for that, sir. I'm getting the engine out now. Your girl, Thea. You’ll definitely help the poor guy. Everyone knows he thinks the world of her.” Noticing that Mr. Kronborg hadn’t made a decision, the operator turned to Gunner. “Call your sister, kid. I’m going to ask the girl herself,” he said abruptly.
“Yes, yes, certainly. Daughter,” Mr. Kronborg called. He had somewhat recovered himself and reached to the hall hatrack for his hat.
“Yes, yes, of course. Daughter,” Mr. Kronborg called. He had somewhat composed himself and reached for his hat on the hall hat rack.
Just as Thea came out on the front porch, before the operator had had time to explain to her, Dr. Archie’s ponies came up to the gate at a brisk trot. Archie jumped out the moment his driver stopped the team and came up to the bewildered girl without so much as saying good-morning to any one. He took her hand with the sympathetic, reassuring graveness which had helped her at more than one hard time in her life. “Get your hat, my girl. Kennedy’s hurt down the road, and he wants you to run down with me. They’ll have a car for us. Get into my buggy, Mr. Kronborg. I’ll drive you down, and Larry can come for the team.”
Just as Thea stepped out onto the front porch, before the operator could even explain anything to her, Dr. Archie’s ponies trotted up to the gate at a quick pace. Archie jumped out as soon as his driver halted the team and approached the confused girl without even saying good morning to anyone. He took her hand with a sympathetic, reassuring seriousness that had supported her through tough times before. “Get your hat, my girl. Kennedy’s hurt down the road, and he wants you to come with me. They’ll have a car waiting for us. Get into my buggy, Mr. Kronborg. I’ll drive you down, and Larry can come for the team.”
The driver jumped out of the buggy and Mr. Kronborg and the doctor got in. Thea, still bewildered, sat on her father’s knee. Dr. Archie gave his ponies a smart cut with the whip.
The driver hopped out of the buggy, and Mr. Kronborg and the doctor climbed in. Thea, still confused, sat on her father's lap. Dr. Archie gave his ponies a quick snap with the whip.
When they reached the depot, the engine, with one car attached, was standing on the main track. The engineer had got his steam up, and was leaning out of the cab impatiently. In a moment they were off. The run to Saxony took forty minutes. Thea sat still in her seat while Dr. Archie and her father talked about the wreck. She took no part in the conversation and asked no questions, but occasionally she looked at Dr. Archie with a frightened, inquiring glance, which he answered by an encouraging nod. Neither he nor her father said anything about how badly Ray was hurt. When the engine stopped near Saxony, the main track was already cleared. As they got out of the car, Dr. Archie pointed to a pile of ties.
When they arrived at the depot, the engine, with one car attached, was sitting on the main track. The engineer had built up steam and was leaning out of the cab impatiently. In a moment, they were off. The trip to Saxony took forty minutes. Thea sat quietly in her seat while Dr. Archie and her father talked about the wreck. She didn't join the conversation or ask any questions, but occasionally she glanced at Dr. Archie with a scared, questioning look, which he met with an encouraging nod. Neither he nor her father mentioned how badly Ray was hurt. When the engine stopped near Saxony, the main track was already cleared. As they stepped out of the car, Dr. Archie pointed to a pile of ties.
“Thea, you’d better sit down here and watch the wreck crew while your father and I go up and look Kennedy over. I’ll come back for you when I get him fixed up.”
“Thea, you should sit here and watch the wreck crew while your dad and I go check on Kennedy. I’ll come back for you once I’ve got him sorted out.”
The two men went off up the sand gulch, and Thea sat down and looked at the pile of splintered wood and twisted iron that had lately been Ray’s caboose. She was frightened and absent-minded. She felt that she ought to be thinking about Ray, but her mind kept racing off to all sorts of trivial and irrelevant things. She wondered whether Grace Johnson would be furious when she came to take her music lesson and found nobody there to give it to her; whether she had forgotten to close the piano last night and whether Thor would get into the new room and mess the keys all up with his sticky fingers; whether Tillie would go upstairs and make her bed for her. Her mind worked fast, but she could fix it upon nothing. The grasshoppers, the lizards, distracted her attention and seemed more real to her than poor Ray.
The two men walked up the sandy gully, and Thea sat down, staring at the pile of broken wood and bent iron that had recently been Ray's caboose. She felt scared and distracted. She knew she should be thinking about Ray, but her mind kept drifting to all kinds of trivial and unrelated things. She wondered if Grace Johnson would be angry when she came for her music lesson and found no one there to teach it; if she had remembered to close the piano last night; and if Thor would get into the new room and get the keys all sticky with his fingers; whether Tillie would go upstairs and make her bed for her. Her thoughts raced, but she couldn’t focus on anything. The grasshoppers and lizards captured her attention and felt more real to her than poor Ray.
On their way to the sand bank where Ray had been carried, Dr. Archie and Mr. Kronborg met the Saxony doctor. He shook hands with them.
On their way to the sandbank where Ray had been taken, Dr. Archie and Mr. Kronborg ran into the Saxony doctor. He shook hands with them.
“Nothing you can do, doctor. I couldn’t count the fractures. His back’s broken, too. He wouldn’t be alive now if he weren’t so confoundedly strong, poor chap. No use bothering him. I’ve given him morphia, one and a half, in eighths.”
“There's nothing you can do, doctor. I lost count of the fractures. His back is broken, too. He wouldn’t be alive right now if he weren’t so incredibly strong, poor guy. No point in bothering him. I’ve given him morphine, one and a half, in eighths.”
Dr. Archie hurried on. Ray was lying on a flat canvas litter, under the shelter of a shelving bank, lightly shaded by a slender cottonwood tree. When the doctor and the preacher approached, he looked at them intently.
Dr. Archie hurried ahead. Ray was lying on a flat canvas stretcher, under the cover of a sloping bank, lightly shaded by a slender cottonwood tree. When the doctor and the preacher got closer, he looked at them closely.
“Didn’t—” he closed his eyes to hide his bitter disappointment.
“Didn’t—” he shut his eyes to hide his bitter disappointment.
Dr. Archie knew what was the matter. “Thea’s back there, Ray. I’ll bring her as soon as I’ve had a look at you.”
Dr. Archie understood what was going on. “Thea's back there, Ray. I’ll get her as soon as I check on you.”
Ray looked up. “You might clean me up a trifle, doc. Won’t need you for anything else, thank you all the same.”
Ray looked up. “You might want to tidy me up a bit, doc. I won’t need you for anything else, thanks anyway.”
However little there was left of him, that little was certainly Ray Kennedy. His personality was as positive as ever, and the blood and dirt on his face seemed merely accidental, to have nothing to do with the man himself. Dr. Archie told Mr. Kronborg to bring a pail of water, and he began to sponge Ray’s face and neck. Mr. Kronborg stood by, nervously rubbing his hands together and trying to think of something to say. Serious situations always embarrassed him and made him formal, even when he felt real sympathy.
However little was left of him, that little was definitely Ray Kennedy. His personality was as strong as ever, and the blood and dirt on his face seemed purely accidental, unrelated to who he was. Dr. Archie told Mr. Kronborg to bring a bucket of water, and he started to clean Ray’s face and neck. Mr. Kronborg stood by, nervously rubbing his hands together and trying to think of something to say. Serious situations always made him feel awkward and formal, even when he genuinely empathized.
“In times like this, Ray,” he brought out at last, crumpling up his handkerchief in his long fingers,—“in times like this, we don’t want to forget the Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
“In times like this, Ray,” he finally said, crumpling his handkerchief in his long fingers, “in times like this, we shouldn’t forget the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Ray looked up at him; a lonely, disconsolate smile played over his mouth and his square cheeks. “Never mind about all that, padre,” he said quietly. “Christ and me fell out long ago.”
Ray looked up at him; a lonely, unhappy smile crossed his lips and his square cheeks. “Forget all that, padre,” he said softly. “Christ and I stopped getting along a long time ago.”
There was a moment of silence. Then Ray took pity on Mr. Kronborg’s embarrassment. “You go back for the little girl, padre. I want a word with the doc in private.”
There was a moment of silence. Then Ray felt sorry for Mr. Kronborg’s embarrassment. “You go back for the little girl, padre. I need to talk to the doc in private.”
Ray talked to Dr. Archie for a few moments, then stopped suddenly, with a broad smile. Over the doctor’s shoulder he saw Thea coming up the gulch, in her pink chambray dress, carrying her sun-hat by the strings. Such a yellow head! He often told himself that he “was perfectly foolish about her hair.” The sight of her, coming, went through him softly, like the morphia. “There she is,” he whispered. “Get the old preacher out of the way, doc. I want to have a little talk with her.”
Ray chatted with Dr. Archie for a moment before stopping abruptly, wearing a big smile. Over the doctor's shoulder, he spotted Thea walking up the gulch in her pink chambray dress, swinging her sun-hat by the strings. What bright yellow hair! He often reminded himself that he “was totally crazy about her hair.” Just seeing her approach made him feel warm and light, like the effects of morphine. “There she is,” he whispered. “Move the old preacher aside, doc. I want to have a little talk with her.”
Dr. Archie looked up. Thea was hurrying and yet hanging back. She was more frightened than he had thought she would be. She had gone with him to see very sick people and had always been steady and calm. As she came up, she looked at the ground, and he could see that she had been crying.
Dr. Archie looked up. Thea was rushing but also holding back. She was more scared than he had expected. She had gone with him to visit very ill patients and had always been composed and steady. As she approached, she looked down at the ground, and he noticed that she had been crying.
Ray Kennedy made an unsuccessful effort to put out his hand. “Hello, little kid, nothing to be afraid of. Darned if I don’t believe they’ve gone and scared you! Nothing to cry about. I’m the same old goods, only a little dented. Sit down on my coat there, and keep me company. I’ve got to lay still a bit.”
Ray Kennedy made a failed attempt to reach out his hand. “Hey there, little one, nothing to be scared of. I can’t believe they’ve actually frightened you! There’s no reason to cry. I’m still the same guy, just a little banged up. Why don’t you sit on my coat there and keep me company? I need to lie still for a bit.”
Dr. Archie and Mr. Kronborg disappeared. Thea cast a timid glance after them, but she sat down resolutely and took Ray’s hand.
Dr. Archie and Mr. Kronborg vanished. Thea shot a nervous look in their direction, but she firmly sat down and took Ray’s hand.
“You ain’t scared now, are you?” he asked affectionately. “You were a regular brick to come, Thee. Did you get any breakfast?”
“You're not scared now, are you?” he asked fondly. “You were really brave to come, Thee. Did you have any breakfast?”
“No, Ray, I’m not scared. Only I’m dreadful sorry you’re hurt, and I can’t help crying.”
“No, Ray, I’m not scared. I just feel really sorry that you’re hurt, and I can’t help crying.”
His broad, earnest face, languid from the opium and smiling with such simple happiness, reassured her. She drew nearer to him and lifted his hand to her knee. He looked at her with his clear, shallow blue eyes. How he loved everything about that face and head! How many nights in his cupola, looking up the track, he had seen that face in the darkness; through the sleet and snow, or in the soft blue air when the moonlight slept on the desert.
His wide, sincere face, drowsy from the opium and smiling with a straightforward happiness, comforted her. She moved closer to him and placed his hand on her knee. He gazed at her with his bright, clear blue eyes. How much he adored everything about that face and head! How many nights in his tower, looking up the track, he had caught a glimpse of that face in the dark; through the sleet and snow, or in the soft blue air when the moonlight rested on the desert.
“You needn’t bother to talk, Thee. The doctor’s medicine makes me sort of dopey. But it’s nice to have company. Kind of cozy, don’t you think? Pull my coat under you more. It’s a darned shame I can’t wait on you.”
“You don’t have to worry about talking, okay? The doctor’s medicine makes me feel a bit out of it. But it’s nice to have someone here. It feels kind of cozy, don’t you think? Can you pull my coat over you more? It’s just a real shame I can’t take care of you.”
“No, no, Ray. I’m all right. Yes, I like it here. And I guess you ought not to talk much, ought you? If you can sleep, I’ll stay right here, and be awful quiet. I feel just as much at home with you as ever, now.”
“No, no, Ray. I’m fine. Yeah, I like it here. And I guess you shouldn’t talk too much, right? If you can sleep, I’ll stay right here and be super quiet. I feel just as much at home with you as I always have.”
That simple, humble, faithful something in Ray’s eyes went straight to Thea’s heart. She did feel comfortable with him, and happy to give him so much happiness. It was the first time she had ever been conscious of that power to bestow intense happiness by simply being near any one. She always remembered this day as the beginning of that knowledge. She bent over him and put her lips softly to his cheek.
That simple, humble, faithful look in Ray’s eyes went straight to Thea’s heart. She felt comfortable with him and was happy to bring him so much happiness. It was the first time she had ever realized that she could give someone intense happiness just by being close to them. She always remembered this day as the start of that understanding. She leaned over him and gently kissed his cheek.
Ray’s eyes filled with light. “Oh, do that again, kid!” he said impulsively. Thea kissed him on the forehead, blushing faintly. Ray held her hand fast and closed his eyes with a deep sigh of happiness. The morphia and the sense of her nearness filled him with content. The gold mine, the oil well, the copper ledge—all pipe dreams, he mused, and this was a dream, too. He might have known it before. It had always been like that; the things he admired had always been away out of his reach: a college education, a gentleman’s manner, an Englishman’s accent—things over his head. And Thea was farther out of his reach than all the rest put together. He had been a fool to imagine it, but he was glad he had been a fool. She had given him one grand dream. Every mile of his run, from Moonstone to Denver, was painted with the colors of that hope. Every cactus knew about it. But now that it was not to be, he knew the truth. Thea was never meant for any rough fellow like him—hadn’t he really known that all along, he asked himself? She wasn’t meant for common men. She was like wedding cake, a thing to dream on. He raised his eyelids a little. She was stroking his hand and looking off into the distance. He felt in her face that look of unconscious power that Wunsch had seen there. Yes, she was bound for the big terminals of the world; no way stations for her. His lids drooped. In the dark he could see her as she would be after a while; in a box at the Tabor Grand in Denver, with diamonds on her neck and a tiara in her yellow hair, with all the people looking at her through their opera-glasses, and a United States Senator, maybe, talking to her. “Then you’ll remember me!” He opened his eyes, and they were full of tears.
Ray’s eyes lit up. “Oh, do that again, kid!” he said without thinking. Thea kissed him on the forehead, her cheeks flushing slightly. Ray held her hand tight and closed his eyes with a deep sigh of happiness. The morphia and the feeling of her being close filled him with joy. The gold mine, the oil well, the copper ledge—all just fantasies, he thought, and this was a fantasy too. He should have realized it before. It had always been this way; the things he admired were always out of his reach: a college education, a gentleman’s manner, an English accent—things beyond him. And Thea was further out of his reach than everything else combined. He had been foolish to think it possible, but he was glad he was foolish. She had given him one amazing dream. Every mile of his journey from Moonstone to Denver was painted with the colors of that hope. Every cactus knew about it. But now that it wasn’t meant to be, he realized the truth. Thea was never meant for a rough guy like him—hadn’t he really known that all along? She wasn’t meant for ordinary men. She was like wedding cake, something to fantasize about. He lifted his eyelids slightly. She was stroking his hand and gazing into the distance. He sensed in her face that look of unintentional power that Wunsch had noticed. Yes, she was destined for the grand stages of the world; there would be no pit stops for her. His eyelids grew heavy. In the dark, he could see her as she would be eventually; sitting in a box at the Tabor Grand in Denver, with diamonds around her neck and a tiara in her golden hair, with everyone looking at her through their opera glasses, and maybe a United States Senator chatting with her. “Then you’ll remember me!” He opened his eyes, and they were filled with tears.
Thea leaned closer. “What did you say, Ray? I couldn’t hear.”
Thea leaned in closer. “What did you say, Ray? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Then you’ll remember me,” he whispered.
“Then you’ll remember me,” he whispered.
The spark in his eye, which is one’s very self, caught the spark in hers that was herself, and for a moment they looked into each other’s natures. Thea realized how good and how great-hearted he was, and he realized about her many things. When that elusive spark of personality retreated in each of them, Thea still saw in his wet eyes her own face, very small, but much prettier than the cracked glass at home had ever shown it. It was the first time she had seen her face in that kindest mirror a woman can ever find.
The spark in his eye, which is a reflection of one's true self, caught the spark in hers that represented her own essence, and for a brief moment, they could see into each other's souls. Thea understood how good and big-hearted he was, and he came to realize many things about her. When that elusive spark of personality faded in both of them, Thea still saw in his wet eyes her own face—very small, but much prettier than the cracked mirror at home had ever shown it. It was the first time she had seen her face in that most compassionate mirror a woman can ever find.
Ray had felt things in that moment when he seemed to be looking into the very soul of Thea Kronborg. Yes, the gold mine, the oil well, the copper ledge, they’d all got away from him, as things will; but he’d backed a winner once in his life! With all his might he gave his faith to the broad little hand he held. He wished he could leave her the rugged strength of his body to help her through with it all. He would have liked to tell her a little about his old dream,—there seemed long years between him and it already,—but to tell her now would somehow be unfair; wouldn’t be quite the straightest thing in the world. Probably she knew, anyway. He looked up quickly. “You know, don’t you, Thee, that I think you are just the finest thing I’ve struck in this world?”
Ray felt something in that moment when he seemed to be looking deep into Thea Kronborg's soul. Sure, the gold mine, the oil well, and the copper ledge all slipped away from him, as things often do; but he had backed a winner once in his life! With all his strength, he placed his faith in the small, broad hand he held. He wished he could leave her the solid strength of his body to help her through everything. He would have liked to share a bit about his old dream—there felt like many years between him and it already—but telling her now would somehow feel unfair; it wouldn’t be the most honest thing to do. She probably knew anyway. He looked up quickly. “You know, don’t you, Thee, that I think you’re the best thing I’ve found in this world?”
The tears ran down Thea’s cheeks. “You’re too good to me, Ray. You’re a lot too good to me,” she faltered.
The tears streamed down Thea’s cheeks. “You’re way too good to me, Ray. You’re way too good to me,” she stammered.
“Why, kid,” he murmured, “everybody in this world’s going to be good to you!”
“Why, kid,” he said softly, “everyone in this world is going to treat you well!”
Dr. Archie came to the gulch and stood over his patient. “How’s it going?”
Dr. Archie arrived at the gulch and stood over his patient. “How’s it going?”
“Can’t you give me another punch with your pacifier, doc? The little girl had better run along now.” Ray released Thea’s hand. “See you later, Thee.”
“Can’t you give me another hit with your pacifier, doc? The little girl should get going now.” Ray let go of Thea’s hand. “See you later, Thee.”
She got up and moved away aimlessly, carrying her hat by the strings. Ray looked after her with the exaltation born of bodily pain and said between his teeth, “Always look after that girl, doc. She’s a queen!”
She stood up and wandered off without purpose, holding her hat by the strings. Ray watched her with a mix of pain and admiration and said between clenched teeth, “Always take care of that girl, doc. She’s a queen!”
Thea and her father went back to Moonstone on the one-o’clock passenger. Dr. Archie stayed with Ray Kennedy until he died, late in the afternoon.
Thea and her dad took the one-o'clock passenger back to Moonstone. Dr. Archie stayed with Ray Kennedy until he passed away in the late afternoon.
XX
On Monday morning, the day after Ray Kennedy’s funeral, Dr. Archie called at Mr. Kronborg’s study, a little room behind the church. Mr. Kronborg did not write out his sermons, but spoke from notes jotted upon small pieces of cardboard in a kind of shorthand of his own. As sermons go, they were not worse than most. His conventional rhetoric pleased the majority of his congregation, and Mr. Kronborg was generally regarded as a model preacher. He did not smoke, he never touched spirits. His indulgence in the pleasures of the table was an endearing bond between him and the women of his congregation. He ate enormously, with a zest which seemed incongruous with his spare frame.
On Monday morning, the day after Ray Kennedy’s funeral, Dr. Archie visited Mr. Kronborg’s study, a small room behind the church. Mr. Kronborg didn’t write out his sermons; he spoke using notes scribbled on small pieces of cardboard in a kind of shorthand he created for himself. As far as sermons go, they were about as good as most. His conventional style pleased most of his congregation, and Mr. Kronborg was generally seen as a great preacher. He didn’t smoke, and he never drank alcohol. His love for good food created a charming connection between him and the women in his congregation. He ate a lot, with a enthusiasm that seemed surprising for his lean physique.
This morning the doctor found him opening his mail and reading a pile of advertising circulars with deep attention.
This morning, the doctor found him going through his mail and reading a stack of ads with great interest.
“Good-morning, Mr. Kronborg,” said Dr. Archie, sitting down. “I came to see you on business. Poor Kennedy asked me to look after his affairs for him. Like most railroad men he spent his wages, except for a few investments in mines which don’t look to me very promising. But his life was insured for six hundred dollars in Thea’s favor.”
“Good morning, Mr. Kronborg,” Dr. Archie said as he sat down. “I came to talk to you about business. Poor Kennedy asked me to take care of his affairs. Like most railroad workers, he spent his earnings, except for a few investments in mines that don’t seem very promising to me. However, his life was insured for six hundred dollars in Thea’s favor.”
Mr. Kronborg wound his feet about the standard of his desk-chair. “I assure you, doctor, this is a complete surprise to me.”
Mr. Kronborg wrapped his feet around the leg of his desk chair. “I promise you, doctor, this is completely unexpected for me.”
“Well, it’s not very surprising to me,” Dr. Archie went on. “He talked to me about it the day he was hurt. He said he wanted the money to be used in a particular way, and in no other.” Dr. Archie paused meaningly.
“Well, it doesn’t really surprise me,” Dr. Archie continued. “He spoke to me about it the day he got hurt. He mentioned that he wanted the money to be used in a specific way and no other.” Dr. Archie paused for emphasis.
Mr. Kronborg fidgeted. “I am sure Thea would observe his wishes in every respect.”
Mr. Kronborg fidgeted. “I’m sure Thea would respect his wishes in every way.”
“No doubt; but he wanted me to see that you agreed to his plan. It seems that for some time Thea has wanted to go away to study music. It was Kennedy’s wish that she should take this money and go to Chicago this winter. He felt that it would be an advantage to her in a business way: that even if she came back here to teach, it would give her more authority and make her position here more comfortable.”
“No doubt about it; but he wanted me to see that you were on board with his plan. It looks like Thea has wanted to go away to study music for a while. Kennedy hoped she would take this money and go to Chicago this winter. He believed it would help her professionally: that even if she returned here to teach, it would boost her credibility and make her position here more secure.”
Mr. Kronborg looked a little startled. “She is very young,” he hesitated; “she is barely seventeen. Chicago is a long way from home. We would have to consider. I think, Dr. Archie, we had better consult Mrs. Kronborg.”
Mr. Kronborg looked a bit surprised. “She’s really young,” he paused; “she’s only seventeen. Chicago is far from home. We need to think this over. I think, Dr. Archie, we should talk to Mrs. Kronborg.”
“I think I can bring Mrs. Kronborg around, if I have your consent. I’ve always found her pretty level-headed. I have several old classmates practicing in Chicago. One is a throat specialist. He has a good deal to do with singers. He probably knows the best piano teachers and could recommend a boarding-house where music students stay. I think Thea needs to get among a lot of young people who are clever like herself. Here she has no companions but old fellows like me. It’s not a natural life for a young girl. She’ll either get warped, or wither up before her time. If it will make you and Mrs. Kronborg feel any easier, I’ll be glad to take Thea to Chicago and see that she gets started right. This throat man I speak of is a big fellow in his line, and if I can get him interested, he may be able to put her in the way of a good many things. At any rate, he’ll know the right teachers. Of course, six hundred dollars won’t take her very far, but even half the winter there would be a great advantage. I think Kennedy sized the situation up exactly.”
"I think I can convince Mrs. Kronborg, if you agree. I've always found her pretty sensible. I have several old classmates working in Chicago. One is a throat specialist who deals a lot with singers. He probably knows the best piano teachers and could recommend a boarding house where music students stay. I think Thea needs to be around more young people who are talented like she is. Here, she only has old guys like me for company. It’s not a healthy environment for a young girl. She’ll either get twisted up or fade away before her time. If it will make you and Mrs. Kronborg feel better, I’d be happy to take Thea to Chicago and make sure she gets off on the right path. This throat specialist I mentioned is quite established in his field, and if I can get his attention, he might be able to help her with many opportunities. At the very least, he’ll know the right teachers. Of course, six hundred dollars won’t cover much, but even spending half the winter there would be a huge advantage. I think Kennedy understood the situation perfectly."
“Perhaps; I don’t doubt it. You are very kind, Dr. Archie.” Mr. Kronborg was ornamenting his desk-blotter with hieroglyphics. “I should think Denver might be better. There we could watch over her. She is very young.”
“Maybe; I believe it. You’re really kind, Dr. Archie.” Mr. Kronborg was decorating his desk-blotter with symbols. “I think Denver might be a better place. There we could keep an eye on her. She’s very young.”
Dr. Archie rose. “Kennedy didn’t mention Denver. He said Chicago, repeatedly. Under the circumstances, it seems to me we ought to try to carry out his wishes exactly, if Thea is willing.”
Dr. Archie stood up. “Kennedy didn’t mention Denver. He kept saying Chicago, over and over. Given the situation, I think we should try to follow his wishes exactly, if Thea is on board.”
“Certainly, certainly. Thea is conscientious. She would not waste her opportunities.” Mr. Kronborg paused. “If Thea were your own daughter, doctor, would you consent to such a plan, at her present age?”
“Definitely, definitely. Thea is responsible. She wouldn’t throw away her chances.” Mr. Kronborg paused. “If Thea were your own daughter, doctor, would you agree to such a plan, considering her current age?”
“I most certainly should. In fact, if she were my daughter, I’d have sent her away before this. She’s a most unusual child, and she’s only wasting herself here. At her age she ought to be learning, not teaching. She’ll never learn so quickly and easily as she will right now.”
“I definitely should. Actually, if she were my daughter, I would have sent her away by now. She's a really unique child, and she's just wasting her potential here. At her age, she should be learning, not teaching. She won’t learn as quickly and easily as she would right now.”
“Well, doctor, you had better talk it over with Mrs. Kronborg. I make it a point to defer to her wishes in such matters. She understands all her children perfectly. I may say that she has all a mother’s insight, and more.”
“Well, doctor, you should definitely discuss it with Mrs. Kronborg. I make it a point to respect her wishes in these situations. She knows all her children really well. I can say she has all the insight of a mother, and then some.”
Dr. Archie smiled. “Yes, and then some. I feel quite confident about Mrs. Kronborg. We usually agree. Good-morning.”
Dr. Archie smiled. “Yeah, absolutely. I'm pretty confident about Mrs. Kronborg. We usually see eye to eye. Good morning.”
Dr. Archie stepped out into the hot sunshine and walked rapidly toward his office, with a determined look on his face. He found his waiting-room full of patients, and it was one o’clock before he had dismissed the last one. Then he shut his door and took a drink before going over to the hotel for his lunch. He smiled as he locked his cupboard. “I feel almost as gay as if I were going to get away for a winter myself,” he thought.
Dr. Archie stepped out into the hot sunshine and walked quickly toward his office, his face set with determination. He found his waiting room packed with patients, and it was one o’clock by the time he sent the last one away. Then he shut his door and grabbed a drink before heading over to the hotel for lunch. He smiled as he locked his cupboard. “I feel almost as happy as if I were going to escape for a winter myself,” he thought.
Afterward Thea could never remember much about that summer, or how she lived through her impatience. She was to set off with Dr. Archie on the fifteenth of October, and she gave lessons until the first of September. Then she began to get her clothes ready, and spent whole afternoons in the village dressmaker’s stuffy, littered little sewing-room. Thea and her mother made a trip to Denver to buy the materials for her dresses. Ready-made clothes for girls were not to be had in those days. Miss Spencer, the dressmaker, declared that she could do handsomely by Thea if they would only let her carry out her own ideas. But Mrs. Kronborg and Thea felt that Miss Spencer’s most daring productions might seem out of place in Chicago, so they restrained her with a firm hand. Tillie, who always helped Mrs. Kronborg with the family sewing, was for letting Miss Spencer challenge Chicago on Thea’s person. Since Ray Kennedy’s death, Thea had become more than ever one of Tillie’s heroines. Tillie swore each of her friends to secrecy, and, coming home from church or leaning over the fence, told them the most touching stories about Ray’s devotion, and how Thea would “never get over it.”
Afterward, Thea could never remember much about that summer or how she dealt with her impatience. She was set to leave with Dr. Archie on October fifteenth, and she taught lessons until September first. Then she started getting her clothes ready and spent entire afternoons in the cramped, cluttered sewing room of the village dressmaker. Thea and her mother took a trip to Denver to buy materials for her dresses. Ready-made clothes for girls weren’t available back then. Miss Spencer, the dressmaker, insisted she could create something beautiful for Thea if they would just let her follow her own ideas. But Mrs. Kronborg and Thea felt that Miss Spencer’s bolder designs might be too much for Chicago, so they kept her in check. Tillie, who always helped Mrs. Kronborg with the family sewing, supported letting Miss Spencer push the envelope with Thea’s outfits. Since Ray Kennedy’s death, Thea had become even more of a hero to Tillie. Tillie made each of her friends promise to keep it a secret and, while coming home from church or leaning over the fence, shared the most touching stories about Ray’s devotion and how Thea would “never get over it.”
Tillie’s confidences stimulated the general discussion of Thea’s venture. This discussion went on, upon front porches and in back yards, pretty much all summer. Some people approved of Thea’s going to Chicago, but most people did not. There were others who changed their minds about it every day.
Tillie’s secrets sparked a lot of conversation about Thea’s plans. This chatter lasted all summer, taking place on front porches and in backyards. Some people supported Thea’s move to Chicago, but most didn’t. Then there were those who changed their opinions about it daily.
Tillie said she wanted Thea to have a ball dress “above all things.” She bought a fashion book especially devoted to evening clothes and looked hungrily over the colored plates, picking out costumes that would be becoming to “a blonde.” She wanted Thea to have all the gay clothes she herself had always longed for; clothes she often told herself she needed “to recite in.”
Tillie said she wanted Thea to have a ball gown “above all else.” She bought a fashion book specifically about evening wear and eagerly studied the colorful pages, choosing outfits that would look good on “a blonde.” She wanted Thea to have all the cheerful clothes she had always wished for; clothes she often told herself she needed “to perform in.”
“Tillie,” Thea used to cry impatiently, “can’t you see that if Miss Spencer tried to make one of those things, she’d make me look like a circus girl? Anyhow, I don’t know anybody in Chicago. I won’t be going to parties.”
“Tillie,” Thea used to say impatiently, “can’t you see that if Miss Spencer tried to make one of those things, she’d make me look like a circus performer? Anyway, I don’t know anyone in Chicago. I’m not going to any parties.”
Tillie always replied with a knowing toss of her head, “You see! You’ll be in society before you know it. There ain’t many girls as accomplished as you.”
Tillie always responded with a knowing toss of her head, “You see! You'll be in society before you know it. There aren't many girls as accomplished as you.”
On the morning of the fifteenth of October the Kronborg family, all of them but Gus, who couldn’t leave the store, started for the station an hour before train time. Charley had taken Thea’s trunk and telescope to the depot in his delivery wagon early that morning. Thea wore her new blue serge traveling-dress, chosen for its serviceable qualities. She had done her hair up carefully, and had put a pale-blue ribbon around her throat, under a little lace collar that Mrs. Kohler had crocheted for her. As they went out of the gate, Mrs. Kronborg looked her over thoughtfully. Yes, that blue ribbon went very well with the dress, and with Thea’s eyes. Thea had a rather unusual touch about such things, she reflected comfortably. Tillie always said that Thea was “so indifferent to dress,” but her mother noticed that she usually put her clothes on well. She felt the more at ease about letting Thea go away from home, because she had good sense about her clothes and never tried to dress up too much. Her coloring was so individual, she was so unusually fair, that in the wrong clothes she might easily have been “conspicuous.”
On the morning of October 15th, the Kronborg family, except for Gus who had to stay at the store, headed to the station an hour before the train was scheduled to leave. Charley had taken Thea’s trunk and telescope to the depot in his delivery wagon earlier that morning. Thea was wearing her new blue serge traveling dress, selected for its practicality. She had styled her hair carefully and added a pale-blue ribbon around her neck, under a small lace collar that Mrs. Kohler had crocheted for her. As they walked out of the gate, Mrs. Kronborg looked her over thoughtfully. Yes, that blue ribbon looked great with the dress and with Thea’s eyes. Thea had a unique flair for such things, she felt pleased. Tillie always said that Thea was “so indifferent to dress,” but her mother noticed that she typically wore her clothes well. She felt more comfortable letting Thea go away from home because she had good judgment about her clothing and never tried to overdress. Her complexion was so distinctive; she was so unusually fair that in the wrong outfit she could easily have been “conspicuous.”
It was a fine morning, and the family set out from the house in good spirits. Thea was quiet and calm. She had forgotten nothing, and she clung tightly to her handbag, which held her trunk-key and all of her money that was not in an envelope pinned to her chemise. Thea walked behind the others, holding Thor by the hand, and this time she did not feel that the procession was too long. Thor was uncommunicative that morning, and would only talk about how he would rather get a sand bur in his toe every day than wear shoes and stockings. As they passed the cottonwood grove where Thea often used to bring him in his cart, she asked him who would take him for nice long walks after sister went away.
It was a beautiful morning, and the family left the house in high spirits. Thea was quiet and composed. She had forgotten nothing, clinging tightly to her handbag, which contained her trunk key and all the money that wasn't in an envelope pinned to her chemise. Thea walked behind the others, holding Thor's hand, and this time she didn’t feel like the group was too big. Thor was silent that morning, only saying he would rather get a sand burr in his toe every day than wear shoes and stockings. As they passed the cottonwood grove where Thea often took him in his cart, she asked him who would take him for nice long walks after sister left.
“Oh, I can walk in our yard,” he replied unappreciatively. “I guess I can make a pond for my duck.”
“Oh, I can walk in our yard,” he replied dismissively. “I guess I can make a pond for my duck.”
Thea leaned down and looked into his face. “But you won’t forget about sister, will you?” Thor shook his head. “And won’t you be glad when sister comes back and can take you over to Mrs. Kohler’s to see the pigeons?”
Thea leaned down and looked into his face. “But you won’t forget about your sister, right?” Thor shook his head. “And you’ll be happy when she comes back and can take you over to Mrs. Kohler’s to see the pigeons?”
“Yes, I’ll be glad. But I’m going to have a pigeon my own self.”
“Yes, I’d be happy to. But I’m going to have a pigeon for myself.”
“But you haven’t got any little house for one. Maybe Axel would make you a little house.”
“But you don’t have a tiny house for yourself. Maybe Axel could build you a little house.”
“Oh, her can live in the barn, her can,” Thor drawled indifferently.
“Oh, she can live in the barn, she can,” Thor said casually.
Thea laughed and squeezed his hand. She always liked his sturdy matter-of-factness. Boys ought to be like that, she thought.
Thea laughed and squeezed his hand. She always appreciated his strong practicality. Boys should be like that, she thought.
When they reached the depot, Mr. Kronborg paced the platform somewhat ceremoniously with his daughter. Any member of his flock would have gathered that he was giving her good counsel about meeting the temptations of the world. He did, indeed, begin to admonish her not to forget that talents come from our Heavenly Father and are to be used for his glory, but he cut his remarks short and looked at his watch. He believed that Thea was a religious girl, but when she looked at him with that intent, that passionately inquiring gaze which used to move even Wunsch, Mr. Kronborg suddenly felt his eloquence fail. Thea was like her mother, he reflected; you couldn’t put much sentiment across with her. As a usual thing, he liked girls to be a little more responsive. He liked them to blush at his compliments; as Mrs. Kronborg candidly said, “Father could be very soft with the girls.” But this morning he was thinking that hard-headedness was a reassuring quality in a daughter who was going to Chicago alone.
When they got to the depot, Mr. Kronborg walked around the platform with his daughter in a somewhat official way. Any member of his community would have guessed he was giving her important advice about dealing with life's temptations. He started to remind her not to forget that talents are gifts from our Heavenly Father meant to be used for His glory, but he stopped his speech and checked his watch. He thought Thea was a religious girl, but when she looked at him with that focused, intensely curious expression that used to touch even Wunsch, Mr. Kronborg suddenly found himself at a loss for words. Thea reminded him of her mother; you couldn't really express much sentiment around her. Usually, he preferred girls to be a bit more responsive. He enjoyed it when they blushed at his compliments; as Mrs. Kronborg openly remarked, “Father could be very soft with the girls.” But this morning, he considered that a strong-willed daughter going to Chicago alone was a comforting trait.
Mr. Kronborg believed that big cities were places where people went to lose their identity and to be wicked. He himself, when he was a student at the Seminary—he coughed and opened his watch again. He knew, of course, that a great deal of business went on in Chicago, that there was an active Board of Trade, and that hogs and cattle were slaughtered there. But when, as a young man, he had stopped over in Chicago, he had not interested himself in the commercial activities of the city. He remembered it as a place full of cheap shows and dance halls and boys from the country who were behaving disgustingly.
Mr. Kronborg believed that big cities were places where people went to lose their identity and act ruthlessly. Back when he was a student at the Seminary—he coughed and checked his watch again. He knew, of course, that a lot of business happened in Chicago, that there was a busy Board of Trade, and that hogs and cattle were slaughtered there. But when, as a young man, he had stopped in Chicago, he hadn’t taken an interest in the city’s commercial activities. He remembered it as a place filled with cheap shows and dance halls and country boys behaving badly.
Dr. Archie drove up to the station about ten minutes before the train was due. His man tied the ponies and stood holding the doctor’s alligator-skin bag—very elegant, Thea thought it. Mrs. Kronborg did not burden the doctor with warnings and cautions. She said again that she hoped he could get Thea a comfortable place to stay, where they had good beds, and she hoped the landlady would be a woman who’d had children of her own. “I don’t go much on old maids looking after girls,” she remarked as she took a pin out of her own hat and thrust it into Thea’s blue turban. “You’ll be sure to lose your hatpins on the train, Thea. It’s better to have an extra one in case.” She tucked in a little curl that had escaped from Thea’s careful twist. “Don’t forget to brush your dress often, and pin it up to the curtains of your berth to-night, so it won’t wrinkle. If you get it wet, have a tailor press it before it draws.”
Dr. Archie drove up to the station about ten minutes before the train was scheduled to arrive. His assistant tied the ponies and held the doctor’s alligator-skin bag—very classy, Thea thought. Mrs. Kronborg didn’t overwhelm the doctor with warnings and advice. She repeated that she hoped he could find Thea a comfortable place to stay with good beds, and she hoped the landlady would be someone who had raised children. “I’m not too keen on old maids looking after girls,” she said as she took a pin out of her hat and stuck it into Thea’s blue turban. “You’ll definitely lose your hatpins on the train, Thea. It’s better to have an extra one just in case.” She tucked in a little curl that had escaped from Thea’s careful twist. “Don’t forget to brush your dress regularly, and pin it up to the curtains of your berth tonight so it won’t get wrinkled. If it gets wet, have a tailor press it before it dries.”
She turned Thea about by the shoulders and looked her over a last time. Yes, she looked very well. She wasn’t pretty, exactly,—her face was too broad and her nose was too big. But she had that lovely skin, and she looked fresh and sweet. She had always been a sweet-smelling child. Her mother had always liked to kiss her, when she happened to think of it.
She turned Thea around by the shoulders and took one last look at her. Yes, she looked good. She wasn't exactly pretty—her face was too wide, and her nose was too big. But she had that beautiful skin, and she looked fresh and sweet. She had always been a child who smelled nice. Her mother had always enjoyed kissing her whenever she remembered to do it.
The train whistled in, and Mr. Kronborg carried the canvas “telescope” into the car. Thea kissed them all good-bye. Tillie cried, but she was the only one who did. They all shouted things up at the closed window of the Pullman car, from which Thea looked down at them as from a frame, her face glowing with excitement, her turban a little tilted in spite of three hatpins. She had already taken off her new gloves to save them. Mrs. Kronborg reflected that she would never see just that same picture again, and as Thea’s car slid off along the rails, she wiped a tear from her eye. “She won’t come back a little girl,” Mrs. Kronborg said to her husband as they turned to go home. “Anyhow, she’s been a sweet one.”
The train whistled as it arrived, and Mr. Kronborg carried the canvas “telescope” into the car. Thea kissed everyone good-bye. Tillie cried, but she was the only one who did. They all shouted things up at the closed window of the Pullman car, where Thea looked down at them like a portrait, her face glowing with excitement, her turban slightly askew despite three hatpins. She had already taken off her new gloves to keep them safe. Mrs. Kronborg thought that she would never see that exact scene again, and as Thea’s car slid away along the tracks, she wiped a tear from her eye. “She won’t come back as a little girl,” Mrs. Kronborg said to her husband as they turned to go home. “Anyway, she’s been a sweet one.”
While the Kronborg family were trooping slowly homeward, Thea was sitting in the Pullman, her telescope in the seat beside her, her handbag tightly gripped in her fingers. Dr. Archie had gone into the smoker. He thought she might be a little tearful, and that it would be kinder to leave her alone for a while. Her eyes did fill once, when she saw the last of the sand hills and realized that she was going to leave them behind for a long while. They always made her think of Ray, too. She had had such good times with him out there.
While the Kronborg family was slowly making their way home, Thea sat in the Pullman, her telescope in the seat next to her and her handbag clutched tightly in her hands. Dr. Archie had stepped into the smoker. He thought she might be feeling a bit emotional, so he decided it would be kinder to leave her alone for a while. Her eyes filled with tears once when she caught a glimpse of the last of the sand hills and realized she wouldn't see them for a long time. They always reminded her of Ray as well. She had such great times with him out there.
But, of course, it was herself and her own adventure that mattered to her. If youth did not matter so much to itself, it would never have the heart to go on. Thea was surprised that she did not feel a deeper sense of loss at leaving her old life behind her. It seemed, on the contrary, as she looked out at the yellow desert speeding by, that she had left very little. Everything that was essential seemed to be right there in the car with her. She lacked nothing. She even felt more compact and confident than usual. She was all there, and something else was there, too,—in her heart, was it, or under her cheek? Anyhow, it was about her somewhere, that warm sureness, that sturdy little companion with whom she shared a secret.
But, of course, it was her own journey that really mattered to her. If youth didn't care about itself so much, it wouldn't have the courage to keep going. Thea was surprised that she didn't feel a deeper sense of loss when leaving her old life behind. Instead, as she watched the yellow desert fly by, it seemed like she had left very little behind. Everything essential felt like it was right there with her in the car. She needed nothing. She even felt more centered and confident than usual. She was fully present, and something else was there too—was it in her heart or beneath her cheek? Regardless, that warm certainty, that sturdy little companion with whom she shared a secret, was with her somehow.
When Dr. Archie came in from the smoker, she was sitting still, looking intently out of the window and smiling, her lips a little parted, her hair in a blaze of sunshine. The doctor thought she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen, and very funny, with her telescope and big handbag. She made him feel jolly, and a little mournful, too. He knew that the splendid things of life are few, after all, and so very easy to miss.
When Dr. Archie came in from the smoking area, she was sitting still, gazing out the window with a smile, her lips slightly parted, her hair shining in the sunlight. The doctor thought she was the cutest thing he had ever seen, and amusing too, with her telescope and oversized handbag. She made him feel cheerful, but also a little sad. He understood that the wonderful things in life are rare and all too easy to overlook.
I
Thea and Dr. Archie had been gone from Moonstone four days. On the afternoon of the nineteenth of October they were in a street-car, riding through the depressing, unkept wastes of North Chicago, on their way to call upon the Reverend Lars Larsen, a friend to whom Mr. Kronborg had written. Thea was still staying at the rooms of the Young Women’s Christian Association, and was miserable and homesick there. The housekeeper watched her in a way that made her uncomfortable. Things had not gone very well, so far. The noise and confusion of a big city tired and disheartened her. She had not had her trunk sent to the Christian Association rooms because she did not want to double cartage charges, and now she was running up a bill for storage on it. The contents of her gray telescope were becoming untidy, and it seemed impossible to keep one’s face and hands clean in Chicago. She felt as if she were still on the train, traveling without enough clothes to keep clean. She wanted another nightgown, and it did not occur to her that she could buy one. There were other clothes in her trunk that she needed very much, and she seemed no nearer a place to stay than when she arrived in the rain, on that first disillusioning morning.
Thea and Dr. Archie had been away from Moonstone for four days. On the afternoon of October 19th, they found themselves on a streetcar, navigating the dreary, run-down areas of North Chicago, headed to visit Reverend Lars Larsen, a friend whom Mr. Kronborg had contacted. Thea was still staying at the Young Women’s Christian Association, feeling miserable and homesick. The housekeeper observed her in a way that made her uneasy. Things hadn’t gone well so far. The noise and chaos of the big city drained her energy and dampened her spirits. She hadn’t sent for her trunk to be delivered to the Christian Association rooms because she didn’t want to pay extra for transportation, and now she was racking up storage fees on it. The contents of her gray suitcase were getting messy, and it felt impossible to keep her face and hands clean in Chicago. She felt as if she were still on the train, traveling without enough clothes to stay tidy. She wished for another nightgown, but it didn’t occur to her that she could simply buy one. There were other clothes in her trunk that she desperately needed, and she seemed no closer to finding a place to stay than when she arrived in the rain that first disheartening morning.
Dr. Archie had gone at once to his friend Hartley Evans, the throat specialist, and had asked him to tell him of a good piano teacher and direct him to a good boarding-house. Dr. Evans said he could easily tell him who was the best piano teacher in Chicago, but that most students’ boarding-houses were “abominable places, where girls got poor food for body and mind.” He gave Dr. Archie several addresses, however, and the doctor went to look the places over. He left Thea in her room, for she seemed tired and was not at all like herself. His inspection of boardinghouses was not encouraging. The only place that seemed to him at all desirable was full, and the mistress of the house could not give Thea a room in which she could have a piano. She said Thea might use the piano in her parlor; but when Dr. Archie went to look at the parlor he found a girl talking to a young man on one of the corner sofas. Learning that the boarders received all their callers there, he gave up that house, too, as hopeless.
Dr. Archie immediately went to see his friend Hartley Evans, the throat specialist, and asked him for a recommendation for a good piano teacher and a decent boarding house. Dr. Evans said he could easily name the best piano teacher in Chicago, but warned that most boarding houses were “terrible places, where girls got poor food for both body and mind.” He gave Dr. Archie several addresses, and the doctor set out to check them out. He left Thea in her room, as she seemed tired and not quite herself. His search for boarding houses was discouraging. The only place that looked even somewhat appealing was full, and the landlady couldn’t offer Thea a room with a piano. She mentioned that Thea could use the piano in the parlor, but when Dr. Archie went to see the parlor, he found a girl chatting with a young man on one of the corner sofas. Realizing that the boarders had all their visitors there, he decided to write off that house as well.
So when they set out to make the acquaintance of Mr. Larsen on the afternoon he had appointed, the question of a lodging was still undecided. The Swedish Reform Church was in a sloughy, weedy district, near a group of factories. The church itself was a very neat little building. The parsonage, next door, looked clean and comfortable, and there was a well-kept yard about it, with a picket fence. Thea saw several little children playing under a swing, and wondered why ministers always had so many. When they rang at the parsonage door, a capable-looking Swedish servant girl answered the bell and told them that Mr. Larsen’s study was in the church, and that he was waiting for them there.
So when they set out to meet Mr. Larsen on the afternoon he had set, they still hadn't figured out where they would stay. The Swedish Reform Church was in a muddy, overgrown area near some factories. The church itself was a very tidy little building. The parsonage next door looked clean and cozy, with a well-maintained yard and a picket fence. Thea noticed a few little kids playing on a swing and wondered why ministers always had so many. When they rang the doorbell at the parsonage, a capable-looking Swedish servant girl answered and told them that Mr. Larsen’s study was in the church and that he was waiting for them there.
Mr. Larsen received them very cordially. The furniture in his study was so new and the pictures were so heavily framed, that Thea thought it looked more like the waiting-room of the fashionable Denver dentist to whom Dr. Archie had taken her that summer, than like a preacher’s study. There were even flowers in a glass vase on the desk. Mr. Larsen was a small, plump man, with a short, yellow beard, very white teeth, and a little turned-up nose on which he wore gold-rimmed eye-glasses. He looked about thirty-five, but he was growing bald, and his thin, hair was parted above his left ear and brought up over the bare spot on the top of his head. He looked cheerful and agreeable. He wore a blue coat and no cuffs.
Mr. Larsen welcomed them warmly. The furniture in his office was so new and the pictures were so heavily framed that Thea thought it resembled the waiting room of the trendy Denver dentist Dr. Archie had taken her to that summer, rather than a preacher's office. There was even a vase of flowers on the desk. Mr. Larsen was a small, plump man with a short, yellow beard, very white teeth, and a little turned-up nose where he wore gold-rimmed glasses. He appeared to be about thirty-five, but he was balding, with thin hair that was parted above his left ear and combed over the bald spot on the top of his head. He looked cheerful and friendly. He wore a blue coat with no cuffs.
After Dr. Archie and Thea sat down on a slippery leather couch, the minister asked for an outline of Thea’s plans. Dr. Archie explained that she meant to study piano with Andor Harsanyi; that they had already seen him, that Thea had played for him and he said he would be glad to teach her.
After Dr. Archie and Thea settled on a slippery leather couch, the minister asked for an overview of Thea's plans. Dr. Archie explained that she intended to study piano with Andor Harsanyi; that they had already met him, that Thea had played for him and he said he would be happy to teach her.
Mr. Larsen lifted his pale eyebrows and rubbed his plump white hands together. “But he is a concert pianist already. He will be very expensive.”
Mr. Larsen raised his light eyebrows and rubbed his chubby white hands together. “But he's already a concert pianist. He'll be really expensive.”
“That’s why Miss Kronborg wants to get a church position if possible. She has not money enough to see her through the winter. There’s no use her coming all the way from Colorado and studying with a second-rate teacher. My friends here tell me Harsanyi is the best.”
“That's why Miss Kronborg wants to get a church position if she can. She doesn't have enough money to get through the winter. There's no point in her coming all the way from Colorado and studying with a mediocre teacher. My friends here say Harsanyi is the best.”
“Oh, very likely! I have heard him play with Thomas. You Western people do things on a big scale. There are half a dozen teachers that I should think—However, you know what you want.” Mr. Larsen showed his contempt for such extravagant standards by a shrug. He felt that Dr. Archie was trying to impress him. He had succeeded, indeed, in bringing out the doctor’s stiffest manner. Mr. Larsen went on to explain that he managed the music in his church himself, and drilled his choir, though the tenor was the official choirmaster. Unfortunately there were no vacancies in his choir just now. He had his four voices, very good ones. He looked away from Dr. Archie and glanced at Thea. She looked troubled, even a little frightened when he said this, and drew in her lower lip. She, certainly, was not pretentious, if her protector was. He continued to study her. She was sitting on the lounge, her knees far apart, her gloved hands lying stiffly in her lap, like a country girl. Her turban, which seemed a little too big for her, had got tilted in the wind,—it was always windy in that part of Chicago,—and she looked tired. She wore no veil, and her hair, too, was the worse for the wind and dust. When he said he had all the voices he required, he noticed that her gloved hands shut tightly. Mr. Larsen reflected that she was not, after all, responsible for the lofty manner of her father’s physician; that she was not even responsible for her father, whom he remembered as a tiresome fellow. As he watched her tired, worried face, he felt sorry for her.
“Oh, probably! I’ve heard him play with Thomas. You people from the West do everything on a grand scale. I’d guess there are half a dozen teachers you might consider—Anyway, you know what you want.” Mr. Larsen showed his disdain for such extravagant standards with a shrug. He sensed that Dr. Archie was trying to make an impression on him. Indeed, he had managed to bring out the doctor’s most formal demeanor. Mr. Larsen continued to explain that he handled the music at his church himself and trained his choir, even though the tenor was the official choirmaster. Unfortunately, there were no openings in his choir right now. He had his four voices, all very good ones. He turned his gaze away from Dr. Archie and glanced at Thea. She looked troubled, even a little scared when he said this, and bit her lower lip. She certainly wasn’t pretentious, even if her protector was. He kept studying her. She was sitting on the couch, her knees spread wide, her gloved hands stiffly resting in her lap, like a country girl. Her turban, which seemed a bit too large for her, had gotten tilted in the wind—it was always windy in that part of Chicago—and she looked exhausted. She wore no veil, and her hair also showed the effects of the wind and dust. When he mentioned he had all the voices he needed, he noticed her gloved hands clench tightly. Mr. Larsen thought that she wasn’t, after all, responsible for her father’s physician’s lofty manner; she wasn’t even responsible for her father, whom he remembered as an annoying guy. Watching her tired, worried face, he felt sympathy for her.
“All the same, I would like to try your voice,” he said, turning pointedly away from her companion. “I am interested in voices. Can you sing to the violin?”
“All the same, I’d like to hear your voice,” he said, turning intentionally away from her friend. “I’m interested in voices. Can you sing to the violin?”
“I guess so,” Thea replied dully. “I don’t know. I never tried.”
“I guess so,” Thea replied flatly. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”
Mr. Larsen took his violin out of the case and began to tighten the keys. “We might go into the lecture-room and see how it goes. I can’t tell much about a voice by the organ. The violin is really the proper instrument to try a voice.” He opened a door at the back of his study, pushed Thea gently through it, and looking over his shoulder to Dr. Archie said, “Excuse us, sir. We will be back soon.”
Mr. Larsen took his violin out of the case and started tightening the tuning pegs. “We could head into the lecture room and see how it goes. I can’t really judge a voice with the organ. The violin is definitely the right instrument to test a voice.” He opened a door at the back of his study, gently pushed Thea through it, and looked back at Dr. Archie, saying, “Excuse us, sir. We’ll be back soon.”
Dr. Archie chuckled. All preachers were alike, officious and on their dignity; liked to deal with women and girls, but not with men. He took up a thin volume from the minister’s desk. To his amusement it proved to be a book of “Devotional and Kindred Poems; by Mrs. Aurelia S. Larsen.” He looked them over, thinking that the world changed very little. He could remember when the wife of his father’s minister had published a volume of verses, which all the church members had to buy and all the children were encouraged to read. His grandfather had made a face at the book and said, “Puir body!” Both ladies seemed to have chosen the same subjects, too: Jephthah’s Daughter, Rizpah, David’s Lament for Absalom, etc. The doctor found the book very amusing.
Dr. Archie laughed. All preachers were the same, self-important and full of themselves; they liked to interact with women and girls, but not with men. He picked up a thin book from the minister’s desk. To his surprise, it was a collection of “Devotional and Kindred Poems; by Mrs. Aurelia S. Larsen.” He glanced through it, thinking that the world changed very little. He remembered when the wife of his father’s minister had published a book of poems that all the church members had to buy and all the kids were encouraged to read. His grandfather had made a face at the book and said, “Poor thing!” Both women seemed to have chosen the same themes, too: Jephthah’s Daughter, Rizpah, David’s Lament for Absalom, and so on. The doctor found the book quite entertaining.
The Reverend Lars Larsen was a reactionary Swede. His father came to Iowa in the sixties, married a Swedish girl who was ambitious, like himself, and they moved to Kansas and took up land under the Homestead Act. After that, they bought land and leased it from the Government, acquired land in every possible way. They worked like horses, both of them; indeed, they would never have used any horse-flesh they owned as they used themselves. They reared a large family and worked their sons and daughters as mercilessly as they worked themselves; all of them but Lars. Lars was the fourth son, and he was born lazy. He seemed to bear the mark of overstrain on the part of his parents. Even in his cradle he was an example of physical inertia; anything to lie still. When he was a growing boy his mother had to drag him out of bed every morning, and he had to be driven to his chores. At school he had a model “attendance record,” because he found getting his lessons easier than farm work. He was the only one of the family who went through the high school, and by the time he graduated he had already made up his mind to study for the ministry, because it seemed to him the least laborious of all callings. In so far as he could see, it was the only business in which there was practically no competition, in which a man was not all the time pitted against other men who were willing to work themselves to death. His father stubbornly opposed Lars’s plan, but after keeping the boy at home for a year and finding how useless he was on the farm, he sent him to a theological seminary—as much to conceal his laziness from the neighbors as because he did not know what else to do with him.
The Reverend Lars Larsen was a traditionalist Swede. His father arrived in Iowa in the 1860s, married an ambitious Swedish woman like himself, and they moved to Kansas to claim land under the Homestead Act. After that, they acquired land through every means possible, buying and leasing from the government. They worked tirelessly, both of them; in fact, they never used any of the horses they had as hard as they worked themselves. They raised a big family and made their sons and daughters work just as hard as they did, all except Lars. Lars was the fourth son and was born lazy. He seemed to show the results of his parents' overexertion. Even as a baby, he was a picture of physical inertia; he would do anything to just stay still. As a young boy, his mother had to pull him out of bed every morning, and he had to be pushed to do his chores. At school, he had a perfect “attendance record” because he found studying easier than working on the farm. He was the only one in the family to finish high school, and by the time he graduated, he had already decided to study for the ministry, since it seemed like the least demanding job of all. From his perspective, it was the only profession with practically no competition, where a man didn’t have to constantly compete against others willing to work themselves to the bone. His father firmly opposed Lars’s plan, but after keeping him home for a year and realizing how unhelpful he was on the farm, he sent him to a seminary—as much to hide his laziness from the neighbors as because he didn’t know what else to do with him.
Larsen, like Peter Kronborg, got on well in the ministry, because he got on well with the women. His English was no worse than that of most young preachers of American parentage, and he made the most of his skill with the violin. He was supposed to exert a very desirable influence over young people and to stimulate their interest in church work. He married an American girl, and when his father died he got his share of the property—which was very considerable. He invested his money carefully and was that rare thing, a preacher of independent means. His white, well-kept hands were his result,—the evidence that he had worked out his life successfully in the way that pleased him. His Kansas brothers hated the sight of his hands.
Larsen, like Peter Kronborg, thrived in the ministry because he got along well with the women. His English was on par with most young preachers of American descent, and he took full advantage of his skills with the violin. He was expected to have a positive influence on young people and to spark their interest in church activities. He married an American girl, and when his father passed away, he received his share of the estate—which was quite substantial. He invested his money wisely and was, uniquely, a preacher with independent means. His clean, well-groomed hands were a testament to his successful life, lived in a way that satisfied him. His brothers from Kansas resented the sight of his hands.
Larsen liked all the softer things of life,—in so far as he knew about them. He slept late in the morning, was fussy about his food, and read a great many novels, preferring sentimental ones. He did not smoke, but he ate a great deal of candy “for his throat,” and always kept a box of chocolate drops in the upper right-hand drawer of his desk. He always bought season tickets for the symphony concerts, and he played his violin for women’s culture clubs. He did not wear cuffs, except on Sunday, because he believed that a free wrist facilitated his violin practice. When he drilled his choir he always held his hand with the little and index fingers curved higher than the other two, like a noted German conductor he had seen. On the whole, the Reverend Larsen was not an insincere man; he merely spent his life resting and playing, to make up for the time his forebears had wasted grubbing in the earth. He was simple-hearted and kind; he enjoyed his candy and his children and his sacred cantatas. He could work energetically at almost any form of play.
Larsen enjoyed all the softer things in life—as far as he was aware. He slept in late, was particular about his food, and read a lot of novels, favoring the sentimental ones. He didn't smoke, but he ate plenty of candy "for his throat," and always kept a box of chocolate drops in the top right drawer of his desk. He regularly bought season tickets for the symphony concerts and played his violin for women's cultural clubs. He only wore cuffs on Sundays because he thought that a free wrist helped his violin practice. When he conducted his choir, he always held his hand with the pinky and index fingers raised higher than the other two, like a famous German conductor he had seen. Overall, Reverend Larsen wasn't insincere; he just spent his life resting and playing to make up for the time his ancestors had wasted toiling in the fields. He was kind-hearted and generous; he loved his candy, his kids, and his sacred cantatas. He could work enthusiastically at almost any form of play.
Dr. Archie was deep in “The Lament of Mary Magdalen,” when Mr. Larsen and Thea came back to the study. From the minister’s expression he judged that Thea had succeeded in interesting him.
Dr. Archie was engrossed in “The Lament of Mary Magdalen” when Mr. Larsen and Thea returned to the study. From the minister's look, he could tell that Thea had managed to capture his interest.
Mr. Larsen seemed to have forgotten his hostility toward him, and addressed him frankly as soon as he entered. He stood holding his violin, and as Thea sat down he pointed to her with his bow:—
Mr. Larsen seemed to have forgotten his anger towards him and spoke to him openly as soon as he walked in. He stood there holding his violin, and as Thea sat down, he pointed to her with his bow:—
“I have just been telling Miss Kronborg that though I cannot promise her anything permanent, I might give her something for the next few months. My soprano is a young married woman and is temporarily indisposed. She would be glad to be excused from her duties for a while. I like Miss Kronborg’s singing very much, and I think she would benefit by the instruction in my choir. Singing here might very well lead to something else. We pay our soprano only eight dollars a Sunday, but she always gets ten dollars for singing at funerals. Miss Kronborg has a sympathetic voice, and I think there would be a good deal of demand for her at funerals. Several American churches apply to me for a soloist on such occasions, and I could help her to pick up quite a little money that way.”
“I just told Miss Kronborg that while I can't promise her anything long-term, I might be able to offer her something for the next few months. My soprano is a young married woman and is temporarily unavailable. She would appreciate being excused from her duties for a bit. I really like Miss Kronborg’s singing, and I think she would benefit from the training in my choir. Singing here could potentially lead to other opportunities. We pay our soprano only eight dollars every Sunday, but she usually earns ten dollars for singing at funerals. Miss Kronborg has a lovely voice, and I believe there would be a good demand for her at funerals. Several American churches reach out to me for a soloist for those occasions, and I could help her earn some extra money that way.”
This sounded lugubrious to Dr. Archie, who had a physician’s dislike of funerals, but he tried to accept the suggestion cordially.
This sounded gloomy to Dr. Archie, who, as a doctor, wasn't a fan of funerals, but he tried to accept the suggestion warmly.
“Miss Kronborg tells me she is having some trouble getting located,” Mr. Larsen went on with animation, still holding his violin. “I would advise her to keep away from boarding-houses altogether. Among my parishioners there are two German women, a mother and daughter. The daughter is a Swede by marriage, and clings to the Swedish Church. They live near here, and they rent some of their rooms. They have now a large room vacant, and have asked me to recommend some one. They have never taken boarders, but Mrs. Lorch, the mother, is a good cook,—at least, I am always glad to take supper with her,—and I think I could persuade her to let this young woman partake of the family table. The daughter, Mrs. Andersen, is musical, too, and sings in the Mozart Society. I think they might like to have a music student in the house. You speak German, I suppose?” he turned to Thea.
“Miss Kronborg tells me she’s having some trouble finding a place to stay,” Mr. Larsen continued enthusiastically, still holding his violin. “I’d suggest she avoid boarding houses altogether. Among my parishioners, there are two German women, a mother and daughter. The daughter is Swedish by marriage and sticks with the Swedish Church. They live nearby and rent out some of their rooms. They currently have a large room available and have asked me to recommend someone. They’ve never had boarders before, but Mrs. Lorch, the mother, is a good cook—I always enjoy having supper with her—and I think I could convince her to let this young woman join the family meals. The daughter, Mrs. Andersen, is musical too and sings in the Mozart Society. I think they might enjoy having a music student around. You speak German, right?” he asked Thea.
“Oh, no; a few words. I don’t know the grammar,” she murmured.
“Oh, no; just a few words. I don’t know the grammar,” she murmured.
Dr. Archie noticed that her eyes looked alive again, not frozen as they had looked all morning. “If this fellow can help her, it’s not for me to be stand-offish,” he said to himself.
Dr. Archie noticed her eyes were bright again, not empty like they had been all morning. “If this guy can help her, there's no reason for me to be distant,” he said to himself.
“Do you think you would like to stay in such a quiet place, with old-fashioned people?” Mr. Larsen asked. “I shouldn’t think you could find a better place to work, if that’s what you want.”
“Do you think you'd like to stay in such a quiet place with traditional people?” Mr. Larsen asked. “I can’t imagine you could find a better place to work if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“I think mother would like to have me with people like that,” Thea replied. “And I’d be glad to settle down most anywhere. I’m losing time.”
“I think Mom would want me to be around people like that,” Thea replied. “And I’d be happy to settle down just about anywhere. I’m wasting time.”
“Very well, there’s no time like the present. Let us go to see Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen.”
“Alright, there’s no time like now. Let’s go see Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen.”
The minister put his violin in its case and caught up a black-and-white checked traveling-cap that he wore when he rode his high Columbia wheel. The three left the church together.
The minister placed his violin in its case and grabbed a black-and-white checked cap that he wore when riding his tall Columbia bike. The three of them left the church together.
II
So Thea did not go to a boarding-house after all. When Dr. Archie left Chicago she was comfortably settled with Mrs. Lorch, and her happy reunion with her trunk somewhat consoled her for his departure.
So Thea didn't end up going to a boarding house after all. When Dr. Archie left Chicago, she was comfortably settled in with Mrs. Lorch, and her happy reunion with her trunk somewhat eased the disappointment of his departure.
Mrs. Lorch and her daughter lived half a mile from the Swedish Reform Church, in an old square frame house, with a porch supported by frail pillars, set in a damp yard full of big lilac bushes. The house, which had been left over from country times, needed paint badly, and looked gloomy and despondent among its smart Queen Anne neighbors. There was a big back yard with two rows of apple trees and a grape arbor, and a warped walk, two planks wide, which led to the coal bins at the back of the lot. Thea’s room was on the second floor, overlooking this back yard, and she understood that in the winter she must carry up her own coal and kindling from the bin. There was no furnace in the house, no running water except in the kitchen, and that was why the room rent was small. All the rooms were heated by stoves, and the lodgers pumped the water they needed from the cistern under the porch, or from the well at the entrance of the grape arbor. Old Mrs. Lorch could never bring herself to have costly improvements made in her house; indeed she had very little money. She preferred to keep the house just as her husband built it, and she thought her way of living good enough for plain people.
Mrs. Lorch and her daughter lived half a mile from the Swedish Reform Church in an old square frame house with a porch held up by flimsy pillars, set in a damp yard filled with large lilac bushes. The house, a leftover from rural times, was in desperate need of paint and looked dull and gloomy next to its stylish Queen Anne neighbors. There was a big backyard with two rows of apple trees and a grape arbor, plus a crooked path, two planks wide, leading to the coal bins at the back of the lot. Thea’s room was on the second floor, overlooking this backyard, and she knew that in winter she would have to carry her own coal and kindling up from the bin. There was no furnace in the house, and no running water except in the kitchen, which is why the rent for the rooms was low. All the rooms were heated by stoves, and the tenants had to pump the water they needed from the cistern under the porch or the well at the entrance of the grape arbor. Old Mrs. Lorch could never bring herself to make expensive upgrades to her house; in fact, she had very little money. She preferred to keep the house just as her husband had built it, believing her way of living was good enough for ordinary people.
Thea’s room was large enough to admit a rented upright piano without crowding. It was, the widowed daughter said, “a double room that had always before been occupied by two gentlemen”; the piano now took the place of a second occupant. There was an ingrain carpet on the floor, green ivy leaves on a red ground, and clumsy, old-fashioned walnut furniture. The bed was very wide, and the mattress thin and hard. Over the fat pillows were “shams” embroidered in Turkey red, each with a flowering scroll—one with “Gute’ Nacht,” the other with “Guten Morgen.” The dresser was so big that Thea wondered how it had ever been got into the house and up the narrow stairs. Besides an old horsehair armchair, there were two low plush “spring-rockers,” against the massive pedestals of which one was always stumbling in the dark. Thea sat in the dark a good deal those first weeks, and sometimes a painful bump against one of those brutally immovable pedestals roused her temper and pulled her out of a heavy hour. The wall-paper was brownish yellow, with blue flowers. When it was put on, the carpet, certainly, had not been consulted. There was only one picture on the wall when Thea moved in: a large colored print of a brightly lighted church in a snow-storm, on Christmas Eve, with greens hanging about the stone doorway and arched windows. There was something warm and home, like about this picture, and Thea grew fond of it. One day, on her way into town to take her lesson, she stopped at a bookstore and bought a photograph of the Naples bust of Julius Caesar. This she had framed, and hung it on the big bare wall behind her stove. It was a curious choice, but she was at the age when people do inexplicable things. She had been interested in Caesar’s “Commentaries” when she left school to begin teaching, and she loved to read about great generals; but these facts would scarcely explain her wanting that grim bald head to share her daily existence. It seemed a strange freak, when she bought so few things, and when she had, as Mrs. Andersen said to Mrs. Lorch, “no pictures of the composers at all.”
Thea’s room was big enough to fit a rented upright piano without feeling cramped. According to the widowed daughter, it was “a double room that had always been occupied by two gentlemen”; now, the piano replaced the second occupant. The floor had an ingrain carpet featuring green ivy leaves on a red background, paired with clunky, old-fashioned walnut furniture. The bed was very wide, with a thin, hard mattress. Over the thick pillows were “shams” embroidered in Turkey red, one saying “Gute’ Nacht” and the other “Guten Morgen.” The dresser was so large that Thea wondered how it had ever been brought into the house and up the narrow stairs. Alongside an old horsehair armchair, there were two low plush “spring-rockers,” which one would often trip over in the dark. Thea spent a lot of time sitting in the dark those first weeks, and occasionally, a painful bump against one of those stubborn pedestals would jolt her awake and pull her out of a heavy moment. The wallpaper was a brownish-yellow with blue flowers. When it was put up, the carpet definitely hadn’t been taken into account. There was only one picture on the wall when Thea moved in: a large colored print of a brightly lit church in a snowstorm on Christmas Eve, with greens draped around the stone doorway and arched windows. There was something warm and homey about this picture, and Thea grew attached to it. One day, on her way into town for her lesson, she stopped at a bookstore and bought a photograph of the Naples bust of Julius Caesar. She had it framed and hung it on the big bare wall behind her stove. It was an odd choice, but she was at an age where people do strange things. She had been interested in Caesar’s “Commentaries” after leaving school to start teaching, and she loved reading about great generals; but these reasons didn’t really explain why she wanted that grim bald head to be part of her daily life. It seemed like a strange whim, especially since she bought so few things, and, as Mrs. Andersen told Mrs. Lorch, “no pictures of the composers at all.”
Both the widows were kind to her, but Thea liked the mother better. Old Mrs. Lorch was fat and jolly, with a red face, always shining as if she had just come from the stove, bright little eyes, and hair of several colors. Her own hair was one cast of iron-gray, her switch another, and her false front still another. Her clothes always smelled of savory cooking, except when she was dressed for church or Kaffeeklatsch, and then she smelled of bay rum or of the lemon-verbena sprig which she tucked inside her puffy black kid glove. Her cooking justified all that Mr. Larsen had said of it, and Thea had never been so well nourished before.
Both widows were nice to her, but Thea liked the mother more. Old Mrs. Lorch was plump and cheerful, with a red face that always looked like she had just come from the stove, bright little eyes, and hair in multiple colors. Her own hair was a solid iron-gray, her wig was another color, and her fake front was yet another. Her clothes always carried the scent of delicious cooking, except when she was dressed for church or Kaffeeklatsch, in which case she smelled of bay rum or the lemon-verbena sprig she tucked inside her puffy black gloves. Her cooking lived up to everything Mr. Larsen had said about it, and Thea had never been so well-fed before.
The daughter, Mrs. Andersen,—Irene, her mother called her,—was a different sort of woman altogether. She was perhaps forty years old, angular, big-boned, with large, thin features, light-blue eyes, and dry, yellow hair, the bang tightly frizzed. She was pale, anaemic, and sentimental. She had married the youngest son of a rich, arrogant Swedish family who were lumber merchants in St. Paul. There she dwelt during her married life. Oscar Andersen was a strong, full-blooded fellow who had counted on a long life and had been rather careless about his business affairs. He was killed by the explosion of a steam boiler in the mills, and his brothers managed to prove that he had very little stock in the big business. They had strongly disapproved of his marriage and they agreed among themselves that they were entirely justified in defrauding his widow, who, they said, “would only marry again and give some fellow a good thing of it.” Mrs. Andersen would not go to law with the family that had always snubbed and wounded her—she felt the humiliation of being thrust out more than she felt her impoverishment; so she went back to Chicago to live with her widowed mother on an income of five hundred a year. This experience had given her sentimental nature an incurable hurt. Something withered away in her. Her head had a downward droop; her step was soft and apologetic, even in her mother’s house, and her smile had the sickly, uncertain flicker that so often comes from a secret humiliation. She was affable and yet shrinking, like one who has come down in the world, who has known better clothes, better carpets, better people, brighter hopes. Her husband was buried in the Andersen lot in St. Paul, with a locked iron fence around it. She had to go to his eldest brother for the key when she went to say good-bye to his grave. She clung to the Swedish Church because it had been her husband’s church.
The daughter, Mrs. Andersen—her mother called her Irene—was a completely different kind of woman. She was around forty, tall, broad-shouldered, with large, thin features, light blue eyes, and dry, yellow hair that was tightly curled. She was pale and looked a bit unhealthy, and she tended to be sentimental. She had married the youngest son of a wealthy, proud Swedish family that ran a lumber business in St. Paul, where she lived during her marriage. Oscar Andersen was a robust man who expected to live a long time and had been rather careless with his finances. He died in a steam boiler explosion at the mills, and his brothers managed to show that he owned very little of the big business. They had strongly opposed his marriage and agreed among themselves that they were entirely justified in cheating his widow, claiming she would just marry someone else and give them an easy ride. Mrs. Andersen wouldn't take legal action against the family that had always looked down on her and hurt her—she felt the humiliation of being pushed out more than her financial struggles; so, she returned to Chicago to live with her widowed mother on an income of five hundred a year. This experience left a deep, incurable wound on her sentimental nature. Something inside her withered. Her head hung low; her walk was soft and apologetic, even in her mother’s home, and her smile had a sickly, uncertain flicker that often comes from hidden humiliation. She was friendly but also reserved, like someone who had lost their former status, who had known better clothes, nicer carpets, more refined company, and brighter dreams. Her husband was buried in the Andersen plot in St. Paul, encircled by a locked iron fence. She had to ask his eldest brother for the key to say her goodbyes at his grave. She held on to the Swedish Church because it had been her husband’s church.
As her mother had no room for her household belongings, Mrs. Andersen had brought home with her only her bedroom set, which now furnished her own room at Mrs. Lorch’s. There she spent most of her time, doing fancywork or writing letters to sympathizing German friends in St. Paul, surrounded by keepsakes and photographs of the burly Oscar Andersen. Thea, when she was admitted to this room, and shown these photographs, found herself wondering, like the Andersen family, why such a lusty, gay-looking fellow ever thought he wanted this pallid, long-cheeked woman, whose manner was always that of withdrawing, and who must have been rather thin-blooded even as a girl.
Since her mother had no space for her belongings, Mrs. Andersen only brought home her bedroom set, which now furnished her room at Mrs. Lorch’s. She spent most of her time there, doing crafts or writing letters to her supportive German friends in St. Paul, surrounded by mementos and photos of the sturdy Oscar Andersen. Thea, when she entered this room and saw the photos, found herself wondering, like the Andersen family, why such a lively, cheerful-looking guy ever found interest in this pale, long-cheeked woman, whose demeanor was always one of retreat, and who must have been rather anemic even as a girl.
Mrs. Andersen was certainly a depressing person. It sometimes annoyed Thea very much to hear her insinuating knock on the door, her flurried explanation of why she had come, as she backed toward the stairs. Mrs. Andersen admired Thea greatly. She thought it a distinction to be even a “temporary soprano”—Thea called herself so quite seriously—in the Swedish Church. She also thought it distinguished to be a pupil of Harsanyi’s. She considered Thea very handsome, very Swedish, very talented. She fluttered about the upper floor when Thea was practicing. In short, she tried to make a heroine of her, just as Tillie Kronborg had always done, and Thea was conscious of something of the sort. When she was working and heard Mrs. Andersen tip-toeing past her door, she used to shrug her shoulders and wonder whether she was always to have a Tillie diving furtively about her in some disguise or other.
Mrs. Andersen was definitely a downer. It often frustrated Thea to hear her subtle knock on the door, her flustered excuse for being there as she backed toward the stairs. Mrs. Andersen was very fond of Thea. She felt it was something special to be even a "temporary soprano"—Thea took that title quite seriously—in the Swedish Church. She also thought it was impressive to be a student of Harsanyi’s. She considered Thea to be very beautiful, very Swedish, and very talented. She would flit around the upper floor while Thea was practicing. In short, she tried to make a heroine out of her, just like Tillie Kronborg had always done, and Thea was aware of this kind of treatment. When she was working and heard Mrs. Andersen tip-toeing past her door, she would shrug her shoulders and wonder if she would always have a Tillie sneaking around her in some form or another.
At the dressmaker’s Mrs. Andersen recalled Tillie even more painfully. After her first Sunday in Mr. Larsen’s choir, Thea saw that she must have a proper dress for morning service. Her Moonstone party dress might do to wear in the evening, but she must have one frock that could stand the light of day. She, of course, knew nothing about Chicago dressmakers, so she let Mrs. Andersen take her to a German woman whom she recommended warmly. The German dressmaker was excitable and dramatic. Concert dresses, she said, were her specialty. In her fitting-room there were photographs of singers in the dresses she had made them for this or that Sängerfest. She and Mrs. Andersen together achieved a costume which would have warmed Tillie Kronborg’s heart. It was clearly intended for a woman of forty, with violent tastes. There seemed to be a piece of every known fabric in it somewhere. When it came home, and was spread out on her huge bed, Thea looked it over and told herself candidly that it was “a horror.” However, her money was gone, and there was nothing to do but make the best of the dress. She never wore it except, as she said, “to sing in,” as if it were an unbecoming uniform. When Mrs. Lorch and Irene told her that she “looked like a little bird-of-Paradise in it,” Thea shut her teeth and repeated to herself words she had learned from Joe Giddy and Spanish Johnny.
At the dressmaker’s, Mrs. Andersen reminded Thea of Tillie even more painfully. After her first Sunday in Mr. Larsen’s choir, Thea realized she needed a proper dress for morning service. Her Moonstone party dress might work for the evening, but she needed one outfit that was appropriate for daylight. She didn’t know anything about Chicago dressmakers, so she let Mrs. Andersen take her to a German woman that she highly recommended. The German dressmaker was lively and dramatic. Concert dresses were her specialty, she claimed. In her fitting room, there were photos of singers wearing the dresses she had made for various Sängerfests. Together, she and Mrs. Andersen created an outfit that would have thrilled Tillie Kronborg. It was clearly meant for a woman in her forties with bold tastes. There seemed to be a piece of every known fabric in it somewhere. When it arrived home and was laid out on her large bed, Thea inspected it and honestly told herself it was “a horror.” However, her money was spent, and there was nothing to do but make the best of the dress. She never wore it except, as she put it, “to sing in,” as if it were an unattractive uniform. When Mrs. Lorch and Irene said she “looked like a little bird-of-paradise in it,” Thea clenched her jaw and repeated to herself phrases she had learned from Joe Giddy and Spanish Johnny.
In these two good women Thea found faithful friends, and in their house she found the quiet and peace which helped her to support the great experiences of that winter.
In these two wonderful women, Thea found loyal friends, and in their home, she discovered the calm and peace that helped her endure the significant experiences of that winter.
III
Andor Harsanyi had never had a pupil in the least like Thea Kronborg. He had never had one more intelligent, and he had never had one so ignorant. When Thea sat down to take her first lesson from him, she had never heard a work by Beethoven or a composition by Chopin. She knew their names vaguely. Wunsch had been a musician once, long before he wandered into Moonstone, but when Thea awoke his interest there was not much left of him. From him Thea had learned something about the works of Gluck and Bach, and he used to play her some of the compositions of Schumann. In his trunk he had a mutilated score of the F sharp minor sonata, which he had heard Clara Schumann play at a festival in Leipsic. Though his powers of execution were at such a low ebb, he used to play at this sonata for his pupil and managed to give her some idea of its beauty. When Wunsch was a young man, it was still daring to like Schumann; enthusiasm for his work was considered an expression of youthful waywardness. Perhaps that was why Wunsch remembered him best. Thea studied some of the Kinderszenen with him, as well as some little sonatas by Mozart and Clementi. But for the most part Wunsch stuck to Czerny and Hummel.
Andor Harsanyi had never had a student like Thea Kronborg. He had never seen one so smart, yet so uneducated. When Thea sat down for her first lesson with him, she had never heard a piece by Beethoven or a work by Chopin. She only knew their names vaguely. Wunsch had been a musician once, long before he ended up in Moonstone, but by the time Thea sparked his interest, there wasn’t much left of him. From him, Thea learned a bit about the works of Gluck and Bach, and he would play some compositions by Schumann for her. In his trunk, he had a damaged score of the F sharp minor sonata, which he had heard Clara Schumann perform at a festival in Leipsic. Even though his playing skills had declined a lot, he still tried to play that sonata for Thea, managing to convey some sense of its beauty. When Wunsch was younger, it was still risky to like Schumann; being enthusiastic about his music was seen as a sign of youthful rebellion. Maybe that’s why Wunsch remembered him so well. Thea studied some of the Kinderszenen with him, along with a few small sonatas by Mozart and Clementi. But mostly, Wunsch focused on Czerny and Hummel.
Harsanyi found in Thea a pupil with sure, strong hands, one who read rapidly and intelligently, who had, he felt, a richly gifted nature. But she had been given no direction, and her ardor was unawakened. She had never heard a symphony orchestra. The literature of the piano was an undiscovered world to her. He wondered how she had been able to work so hard when she knew so little of what she was working toward. She had been taught according to the old Stuttgart method; stiff back, stiff elbows, a very formal position of the hands. The best thing about her preparation was that she had developed an unusual power of work. He noticed at once her way of charging at difficulties. She ran to meet them as if they were foes she had long been seeking, seized them as if they were destined for her and she for them. Whatever she did well, she took for granted. Her eagerness aroused all the young Hungarian’s chivalry. Instinctively one went to the rescue of a creature who had so much to overcome and who struggled so hard. He used to tell his wife that Miss Kronborg’s hour took more out of him than half a dozen other lessons. He usually kept her long over time; he changed her lessons about so that he could do so, and often gave her time at the end of the day, when he could talk to her afterward and play for her a little from what he happened to be studying. It was always interesting to play for her. Sometimes she was so silent that he wondered, when she left him, whether she had got anything out of it. But a week later, two weeks later, she would give back his idea again in a way that set him vibrating.
Harsanyi found in Thea a student with skilled, confident hands, one who read quickly and thoughtfully, who he believed had a naturally gifted talent. But she had received no guidance, and her passion was untapped. She had never experienced a symphony orchestra. The world of piano literature was completely unknown to her. He was amazed at how she managed to work so hard while having so little understanding of what she was aiming for. She had been taught using the old Stuttgart method; stiff back, stiff elbows, and a very formal hand position. The best part of her training was that she had developed an exceptional work ethic. He quickly noticed her approach to challenges. She faced them head-on as if they were adversaries she had been seeking out, grabbing them as if they were meant for her, and she for them. Whatever she did well, she accepted without question. Her enthusiasm stirred all the young Hungarian’s sense of chivalry. Instinctively, one felt compelled to help someone who had so much to overcome and who fought so hard. He often told his wife that Miss Kronborg’s lesson took more energy out of him than half a dozen other lessons. He usually kept her long past the allotted time; he rearranged her lessons so he could do this, and often gave her extra time at the end of the day, when he could talk to her afterward and play a bit of what he was studying. It was always engaging to play for her. Sometimes she was so quiet that he wondered, when she left him, if she had gained anything from it. But a week later, two weeks later, she would reflect his ideas back to him in a way that resonated deeply.
All this was very well for Harsanyi; an interesting variation in the routine of teaching. But for Thea Kronborg, that winter was almost beyond enduring. She always remembered it as the happiest and wildest and saddest of her life. Things came too fast for her; she had not had enough preparation. There were times when she came home from her lesson and lay upon her bed hating Wunsch and her family, hating a world that had let her grow up so ignorant; when she wished that she could die then and there, and be born over again to begin anew. She said something of this kind once to her teacher, in the midst of a bitter struggle. Harsanyi turned the light of his wonderful eye upon her—poor fellow, he had but one, though that was set in such a handsome head—and said slowly: “Every artist makes himself born. It is very much harder than the other time, and longer. Your mother did not bring anything into the world to play piano. That you must bring into the world yourself.”
All of this was great for Harsanyi; it was an interesting change in his teaching routine. But for Thea Kronborg, that winter was almost unbearable. She always remembered it as the happiest, wildest, and saddest time of her life. Things were coming at her too quickly; she hadn’t had enough preparation. There were times when she would come home from her lesson, lie on her bed, and hate Wunsch and her family, hate a world that had let her grow up so ignorant; times when she wished she could just die then and there and be born again to start fresh. She expressed a feeling like this once to her teacher during a tough moment. Harsanyi focused his amazing single eye on her—poor guy, he only had one, but it was set in a handsome face—and said slowly: “Every artist creates themselves anew. It’s much harder than the first time, and it takes longer. Your mother didn’t bring anything into the world for you to play piano. That’s something you have to bring into the world yourself.”
This comforted Thea temporarily, for it seemed to give her a chance. But a great deal of the time she was comfortless. Her letters to Dr. Archie were brief and businesslike. She was not apt to chatter much, even in the stimulating company of people she liked, and to chatter on paper was simply impossible for her. If she tried to write him anything definite about her work, she immediately scratched it out as being only partially true, or not true at all. Nothing that she could say about her studies seemed unqualifiedly true, once she put it down on paper.
This gave Thea some temporary comfort, as it felt like she had a chance. But most of the time, she felt pretty miserable. Her letters to Dr. Archie were short and to the point. She wasn’t one to chat a lot, even around people she liked, and writing casually was just not something she could do. Whenever she attempted to write him anything specific about her work, she would immediately cross it out, feeling it was only partially accurate or completely false. Nothing she wrote about her studies felt completely true once she got it down on paper.
Late one afternoon, when she was thoroughly tired and wanted to struggle on into the dusk, Harsanyi, tired too, threw up his hands and laughed at her. “Not to-day, Miss Kronborg. That sonata will keep; it won’t run away. Even if you and I should not waken up to-morrow, it will be there.”
Late one afternoon, when she was completely worn out and wanted to push through to dusk, Harsanyi, also tired, threw up his hands and laughed at her. “Not today, Miss Kronborg. That sonata can wait; it won’t go anywhere. Even if you and I don’t wake up tomorrow, it will still be there.”
Thea turned to him fiercely. “No, it isn’t here unless I have it—not for me,” she cried passionately. “Only what I hold in my two hands is there for me!”
Thea turned to him angrily. “No, it’s not here unless I have it—not for me,” she shouted passionately. “Only what I can hold in my two hands is real for me!”
Harsanyi made no reply. He took a deep breath and sat down again. “The second movement now, quietly, with the shoulders relaxed.”
Harsanyi didn't respond. He took a deep breath and sat back down. “Now, the second movement, softly, with relaxed shoulders.”
There were hours, too, of great exaltation; when she was at her best and became a part of what she was doing and ceased to exist in any other sense. There were other times when she was so shattered by ideas that she could do nothing worth while; when they trampled over her like an army and she felt as if she were bleeding to death under them. She sometimes came home from a late lesson so exhausted that she could eat no supper. If she tried to eat, she was ill afterward. She used to throw herself upon the bed and lie there in the dark, not thinking, not feeling, but evaporating. That same night, perhaps, she would waken up rested and calm, and as she went over her work in her mind, the passages seemed to become something of themselves, to take a sort of pattern in the darkness. She had never learned to work away from the piano until she came to Harsanyi, and it helped her more than anything had ever helped her before.
There were hours of immense joy; when she was at her peak, completely immersed in what she was doing and lost to everything else. Then there were other moments when she felt overwhelmed by concepts that left her unable to accomplish anything meaningful; when those ideas trampled her like an army and she felt like she was bleeding out under their weight. Sometimes she'd come home from a late lesson so drained that she couldn't even eat dinner. If she tried, she would end up feeling sick afterward. She often collapsed onto the bed and lay there in the dark, not thinking, not feeling, just fading away. That same night, maybe, she would wake up feeling rested and calm, and as she replayed her work in her mind, the passages seemed to form their own structure in the darkness. She had never learned to work away from the piano until she met Harsanyi, and it helped her more than anything ever had before.
She almost never worked now with the sunny, happy contentment that had filled the hours when she worked with Wunsch—“like a fat horse turning a sorgum mill,” she said bitterly to herself. Then, by sticking to it, she could always do what she set out to do. Now, everything that she really wanted was impossible; a cantabile like Harsanyi’s, for instance, instead of her own cloudy tone. No use telling her she might have it in ten years. She wanted it now. She wondered how she had ever found other things interesting: books, “Anna Karenina”—all that seemed so unreal and on the outside of things. She was not born a musician, she decided; there was no other way of explaining it.
She hardly ever worked now with the sunny, happy contentment that used to fill her hours when she worked with Wunsch—“like a big horse turning a sorghum mill,” she thought bitterly to herself. Back then, she could always accomplish what she aimed for. Now, everything she truly wanted felt impossible; a cantabile like Harsanyi’s, for example, instead of her own murky tone. There was no point in telling her she might have it in ten years. She wanted it now. She questioned how she had ever found other things interesting: books, “Anna Karenina”—everything felt so unreal and distant. She concluded she wasn’t born a musician; that was the only way to explain it.
Sometimes she got so nervous at the piano that she left it, and snatching up her hat and cape went out and walked, hurrying through the streets like Christian fleeing from the City of Destruction. And while she walked she cried. There was scarcely a street in the neighborhood that she had not cried up and down before that winter was over. The thing that used to lie under her cheek, that sat so warmly over her heart when she glided away from the sand hills that autumn morning, was far from her. She had come to Chicago to be with it, and it had deserted her, leaving in its place a painful longing, an unresigned despair.
Sometimes she got so nervous at the piano that she would leave it, grab her hat and cape, and rush out, hurrying through the streets like Christian escaping the City of Destruction. And as she walked, she cried. There was hardly a street in the neighborhood that she hadn’t walked up and down crying before that winter was over. The thing that used to rest under her cheek, that felt so warm over her heart when she left the sand hills that autumn morning, was far from her now. She had come to Chicago to be with it, and it had abandoned her, leaving behind a painful longing and a lingering despair.
Harsanyi knew that his interesting pupil—“the savage blonde,” one of his male students called her—was sometimes very unhappy. He saw in her discontent a curious definition of character. He would have said that a girl with so much musical feeling, so intelligent, with good training of eye and hand, would, when thus suddenly introduced to the great literature of the piano, have found boundless happiness. But he soon learned that she was not able to forget her own poverty in the richness of the world he opened to her. Often when he played to her, her face was the picture of restless misery. She would sit crouching forward, her elbows on her knees, her brows drawn together and her gray-green eyes smaller than ever, reduced to mere pin-points of cold, piercing light. Sometimes, while she listened, she would swallow hard, two or three times, and look nervously from left to right, drawing her shoulders together. “Exactly,” he thought, “as if she were being watched, or as if she were naked and heard some one coming.”
Harsanyi knew that his intriguing student—“the savage blonde,” as one of his male classmates called her—was sometimes very unhappy. He saw her discontent as an unusual reflection of her character. He would have thought that a girl with so much musical talent, intelligence, and good training in eye and hand would, when suddenly exposed to the vast literature of the piano, find endless happiness. But he quickly realized that she couldn’t forget her own poverty amidst the richness of the world he was introducing her to. Often when he played for her, her face showed signs of restless misery. She would sit hunched forward, elbows on her knees, brows furrowed, and her gray-green eyes narrowed down to mere pinpoints of cold, piercing light. Sometimes, while she listened, she would swallow hard a couple of times and look anxiously from side to side, pulling her shoulders together. “Exactly,” he thought, “as if she were being watched, or as if she were naked and heard someone approaching.”
On the other hand, when she came several times to see Mrs. Harsanyi and the two babies, she was like a little girl, jolly and gay and eager to play with the children, who loved her. The little daughter, Tanya, liked to touch Miss Kronborg’s yellow hair and pat it, saying, “Dolly, dolly,” because it was of a color much oftener seen on dolls than on people. But if Harsanyi opened the piano and sat down to play, Miss Kronborg gradually drew away from the children, retreated to a corner and became sullen or troubled. Mrs. Harsanyi noticed this, also, and thought it very strange behavior.
On the other hand, when she came to visit Mrs. Harsanyi and the two babies several times, she was like a little girl, cheerful and happy, eager to play with the children, who adored her. The little daughter, Tanya, loved to touch Miss Kronborg’s yellow hair and pat it, saying, “Dolly, dolly,” because it was a color more commonly seen on dolls than on people. But whenever Harsanyi opened the piano and started to play, Miss Kronborg gradually pulled away from the children, retreated to a corner, and became sulky or upset. Mrs. Harsanyi noticed this too and found it very odd behavior.
Another thing that puzzled Harsanyi was Thea’s apparent lack of curiosity. Several times he offered to give her tickets to concerts, but she said she was too tired or that it “knocked her out to be up late.” Harsanyi did not know that she was singing in a choir, and had often to sing at funerals, neither did he realize how much her work with him stirred her and exhausted her. Once, just as she was leaving his studio, he called her back and told her he could give her some tickets that had been sent him for Emma Juch that evening. Thea fingered the black wool on the edge of her plush cape and replied, “Oh, thank you, Mr. Harsanyi, but I have to wash my hair to-night.”
Another thing that confused Harsanyi was Thea’s apparent lack of curiosity. He had offered her tickets to concerts several times, but she always said she was too tired or that staying out late “wore her out.” Harsanyi didn’t know that she was singing in a choir and often had to sing at funerals, nor did he realize how much her work with him inspired and drained her. One time, just as she was leaving his studio, he called her back and told her he could give her some tickets he had received for Emma Juch that evening. Thea toyed with the black wool on the edge of her plush cape and replied, “Oh, thank you, Mr. Harsanyi, but I have to wash my hair tonight.”
Mrs. Harsanyi liked Miss Kronborg thoroughly. She saw in her the making of a pupil who would reflect credit upon Harsanyi. She felt that the girl could be made to look strikingly handsome, and that she had the kind of personality which takes hold of audiences. Moreover, Miss Kronborg was not in the least sentimental about her husband. Sometimes from the show pupils one had to endure a good deal. “I like that girl,” she used to say, when Harsanyi told her of one of Thea’s gaucheries. “She doesn’t sigh every time the wind blows. With her one swallow doesn’t make a summer.”
Mrs. Harsanyi really liked Miss Kronborg. She saw in her the potential to be a student who would bring credit to Harsanyi. She believed the girl could be made to look strikingly attractive and that she had the kind of personality that captivates audiences. Plus, Miss Kronborg was not at all sentimental about her husband. Sometimes, you had to put up with a lot from the showy students. “I like that girl,” she would say when Harsanyi mentioned one of Thea’s awkward moments. “She doesn’t sigh every time the wind changes. With her, one swallow doesn’t make a summer.”
Thea told them very little about herself. She was not naturally communicative, and she found it hard to feel confidence in new people. She did not know why, but she could not talk to Harsanyi as she could to Dr. Archie, or to Johnny and Mrs. Tellamantez. With Mr. Larsen she felt more at home, and when she was walking she sometimes stopped at his study to eat candy with him or to hear the plot of the novel he happened to be reading.
Thea shared very little about herself. She wasn't naturally chatty, and she found it difficult to feel comfortable around new people. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't talk to Harsanyi the way she could talk to Dr. Archie, Johnny, or Mrs. Tellamantez. With Mr. Larsen, she felt more at ease, and when she was out walking, she sometimes stopped by his study to eat candy with him or to hear about the plot of the novel he was currently reading.
One evening toward the middle of December Thea was to dine with the Harsanyis. She arrived early, to have time to play with the children before they went to bed. Mrs. Harsanyi took her into her own room and helped her take off her country “fascinator” and her clumsy plush cape. Thea had bought this cape at a big department store and had paid $16.50 for it. As she had never paid more than ten dollars for a coat before, that seemed to her a large price. It was very heavy and not very warm, ornamented with a showy pattern in black disks, and trimmed around the collar and the edges with some kind of black wool that “crocked” badly in snow or rain. It was lined with a cotton stuff called “farmer’s satin.” Mrs. Harsanyi was one woman in a thousand. As she lifted this cape from Thea’s shoulders and laid it on her white bed, she wished that her husband did not have to charge pupils like this one for their lessons. Thea wore her Moonstone party dress, white organdie, made with a “V” neck and elbow sleeves, and a blue sash. She looked very pretty in it, and around her throat she had a string of pink coral and tiny white shells that Ray once brought her from Los Angeles. Mrs. Harsanyi noticed that she wore high heavy shoes which needed blacking. The choir in Mr. Larsen’s church stood behind a railing, so Thea did not pay much attention to her shoes.
One evening in mid-December, Thea was going to have dinner with the Harsanyis. She arrived early to spend time playing with the kids before bedtime. Mrs. Harsanyi took her into her room and helped her take off her country “fascinator” and her bulky plush cape. Thea had bought this cape at a large department store and paid $16.50 for it. Having never spent more than ten dollars on a coat before, she thought that was quite a lot. It was heavy and not very warm, decorated with a flashy pattern of black disks, and trimmed around the collar and edges with some type of black wool that “crocked” badly in snow or rain. It was lined with a cotton fabric called “farmer’s satin.” Mrs. Harsanyi was one in a thousand. As she lifted the cape off Thea’s shoulders and laid it on her white bed, she wished her husband didn’t have to charge students like her for lessons. Thea was wearing her Moonstone party dress, made of white organdie, designed with a “V” neck and elbow sleeves, and a blue sash. She looked very pretty in it, and around her neck, she had a necklace of pink coral and tiny white shells that Ray once brought her from Los Angeles. Mrs. Harsanyi noticed that she wore high, heavy shoes that needed polishing. The choir in Mr. Larsen’s church stood behind a railing, so Thea didn’t pay much attention to her shoes.
“You have nothing to do to your hair,” Mrs. Harsanyi said kindly, as Thea turned to the mirror. “However it happens to lie, it’s always pretty. I admire it as much as Tanya does.”
“You don’t need to do anything to your hair,” Mrs. Harsanyi said kindly, as Thea turned to the mirror. “No matter how it falls, it’s always beautiful. I admire it just as much as Tanya does.”
Thea glanced awkwardly away from her and looked stern, but Mrs. Harsanyi knew that she was pleased. They went into the living-room, behind the studio, where the two children were playing on the big rug before the coal grate. Andor, the boy, was six, a sturdy, handsome child, and the little girl was four. She came tripping to meet Thea, looking like a little doll in her white net dress—her mother made all her clothes. Thea picked her up and hugged her. Mrs. Harsanyi excused herself and went to the dining-room. She kept only one maid and did a good deal of the housework herself, besides cooking her husband’s favorite dishes for him. She was still under thirty, a slender, graceful woman, gracious, intelligent, and capable. She adapted herself to circumstances with a well-bred ease which solved many of her husband’s difficulties, and kept him, as he said, from feeling cheap and down at the heel. No musician ever had a better wife. Unfortunately her beauty was of a very frail and impressionable kind, and she was beginning to lose it. Her face was too thin now, and there were often dark circles under her eyes.
Thea awkwardly looked away from her and tried to appear serious, but Mrs. Harsanyi knew she was happy. They went into the living room behind the studio, where the two kids were playing on the large rug in front of the coal grate. Andor, the boy, was six—strong and good-looking—and the little girl was four. She ran up to greet Thea, looking like a little doll in her white net dress—her mom made all her outfits. Thea picked her up and hugged her. Mrs. Harsanyi excused herself and went to the dining room. She only had one maid and did a lot of the housework herself, in addition to preparing her husband’s favorite meals. She was still under thirty, a slender and graceful woman—elegant, smart, and competent. She managed to adapt to different situations with an effortless grace that solved many of her husband’s issues and kept him, as he put it, from feeling cheap and down on his luck. No musician ever had a better wife. Unfortunately, her beauty was delicate and easily influenced, and she was starting to lose it. Her face was becoming too thin, and there were often dark circles under her eyes.
Left alone with the children, Thea sat down on Tanya’s little chair—she would rather have sat on the floor, but was afraid of rumpling her dress—and helped them play “cars” with Andor’s iron railway set. She showed him new ways to lay his tracks and how to make switches, set up his Noah’s ark village for stations and packed the animals in the open coal cars to send them to the stockyards. They worked out their shipment so realistically that when Andor put the two little reindeer into the stock car, Tanya snatched them out and began to cry, saying she wasn’t going to have all their animals killed.
Left alone with the kids, Thea sat down on Tanya's small chair—she would have preferred sitting on the floor, but didn’t want to mess up her dress—and helped them play “cars” with Andor’s toy train set. She showed him new ways to arrange his tracks and how to build switches, set up his Noah’s Ark village as stations, and pack the animals into the open coal cars to send them to the stockyards. They planned their shipment so realistically that when Andor placed the two little reindeer into the stock car, Tanya grabbed them out and started to cry, insisting she didn’t want all their animals to be killed.
Harsanyi came in, jaded and tired, and asked Thea to go on with her game, as he was not equal to talking much before dinner. He sat down and made pretense of glancing at the evening paper, but he soon dropped it. After the railroad began to grow tiresome, Thea went with the children to the lounge in the corner, and played for them the game with which she used to amuse Thor for hours together behind the parlor stove at home, making shadow pictures against the wall with her hands. Her fingers were very supple, and she could make a duck and a cow and a sheep and a fox and a rabbit and even an elephant. Harsanyi, from his low chair, watched them, smiling. The boy was on his knees, jumping up and down with the excitement of guessing the beasts, and Tanya sat with her feet tucked under her and clapped her frail little hands. Thea’s profile, in the lamplight, teased his fancy. Where had he seen a head like it before?
Harsanyi walked in, worn out and tired, and asked Thea to continue her game since he wasn't up for much conversation before dinner. He sat down and pretended to read the evening paper, but he quickly lost interest. After the railroad got dull, Thea joined the kids in the corner lounge and played a game she used to entertain Thor for hours by the parlor stove at home, making shadow pictures on the wall with her hands. Her fingers were very nimble, and she could create shadows of a duck, a cow, a sheep, a fox, a rabbit, and even an elephant. From his low chair, Harsanyi watched them with a smile. The boy was on his knees, bouncing with excitement as he guessed the animals, while Tanya sat with her feet tucked under her, clapping her delicate little hands. Thea’s profile in the lamplight intrigued him. Where had he seen a face like that before?
When dinner was announced, little Andor took Thea’s hand and walked to the dining-room with her. The children always had dinner with their parents and behaved very nicely at table. “Mamma,” said Andor seriously as he climbed into his chair and tucked his napkin into the collar of his blouse, “Miss Kronborg’s hands are every kind of animal there is.”
When dinner was called, little Andor took Thea’s hand and walked to the dining room with her. The kids always had dinner with their parents and behaved very well at the table. “Mom,” said Andor seriously as he climbed into his chair and tucked his napkin into the collar of his shirt, “Miss Kronborg’s hands look like every kind of animal there is.”
His father laughed. “I wish somebody would say that about my hands, Andor.”
His father laughed. “I wish someone would say that about my hands, Andor.”
When Thea dined at the Harsanyis before, she noticed that there was an intense suspense from the moment they took their places at the table until the master of the house had tasted the soup. He had a theory that if the soup went well, the dinner would go well; but if the soup was poor, all was lost. To-night he tasted his soup and smiled, and Mrs. Harsanyi sat more easily in her chair and turned her attention to Thea. Thea loved their dinner table, because it was lighted by candles in silver candle-sticks, and she had never seen a table so lighted anywhere else. There were always flowers, too. To-night there was a little orange tree, with oranges on it, that one of Harsanyi’s pupils had sent him at Thanksgiving time. After Harsanyi had finished his soup and a glass of red Hungarian wine, he lost his fagged look and became cordial and witty. He persuaded Thea to drink a little wine to-night. The first time she dined with them, when he urged her to taste the glass of sherry beside her plate, she astonished them by telling them that she “never drank.”
When Thea had dinner at the Harsanyis before, she noticed there was a palpable tension from the moment they sat down until the host tasted the soup. He believed that if the soup was good, the rest of the meal would be too; but if the soup was bad, everything would be ruined. Tonight, he tasted his soup and smiled, and Mrs. Harsanyi relaxed in her chair and focused her attention on Thea. Thea adored their dining table, lit by candles in silver candlesticks, and she had never seen a table lit like that anywhere else. There were always flowers, too. Tonight, there was a small orange tree with oranges on it, a gift from one of Harsanyi’s students at Thanksgiving. After Harsanyi finished his soup and had a glass of red Hungarian wine, he looked less tired and became friendly and witty. He convinced Thea to have a little wine tonight. When she first dined with them, he encouraged her to try the glass of sherry next to her plate, and she surprised them by saying that she "never drank."
Harsanyi was then a man of thirty-two. He was to have a very brilliant career, but he did not know it then. Theodore Thomas was perhaps the only man in Chicago who felt that Harsanyi might have a great future. Harsanyi belonged to the softer Slavic type, and was more like a Pole than a Hungarian. He was tall, slender, active, with sloping, graceful shoulders and long arms. His head was very fine, strongly and delicately modelled, and, as Thea put it, “so independent.” A lock of his thick brown hair usually hung over his forehead. His eye was wonderful; full of light and fire when he was interested, soft and thoughtful when he was tired or melancholy. The meaning and power of two very fine eyes must all have gone into this one—the right one, fortunately, the one next his audience when he played. He believed that the glass eye which gave one side of his face such a dull, blind look, had ruined his career, or rather had made a career impossible for him. Harsanyi lost his eye when he was twelve years old, in a Pennsylvania mining town where explosives happened to be kept too near the frame shanties in which the company packed newly arrived Hungarian families.
Harsanyi was thirty-two at the time. He was on the brink of a brilliant career, though he didn’t realize it yet. Theodore Thomas was probably the only person in Chicago who believed that Harsanyi could have a great future. Harsanyi had a softer Slavic appearance and resembled a Pole more than a Hungarian. He was tall, slender, and active, with sloping, graceful shoulders and long arms. His head was striking, both strong and delicately shaped, and as Thea said, “so independent.” A lock of his thick brown hair often fell over his forehead. His eye was remarkable; it shone with light and passion when he was engaged, and appeared soft and reflective when he felt tired or down. All the meaning and intensity of two beautiful eyes seemed to concentrate in this one eye—the right one, fortunately, the one that faced his audience while he played. He believed that the glass eye, which gave one side of his face a dull, lifeless look, had ruined his career, or rather made a successful career impossible for him. Harsanyi lost his eye when he was twelve years old, in a Pennsylvania mining town where explosives were stored too close to the wooden shanties that housed newly arrived Hungarian families.
His father was a musician and a good one, but he had cruelly over-worked the boy; keeping him at the piano for six hours a day and making him play in cafes and dance halls for half the night. Andor ran away and crossed the ocean with an uncle, who smuggled him through the port as one of his own many children. The explosion in which Andor was hurt killed a score of people, and he was thought lucky to get off with an eye. He still had a clipping from a Pittsburg paper, giving a list of the dead and injured. He appeared as “Harsanyi, Andor, left eye and slight injuries about the head.” That was his first American “notice”; and he kept it. He held no grudge against the coal company; he understood that the accident was merely one of the things that are bound to happen in the general scramble of American life, where every one comes to grab and takes his chance.
His father was a musician, and a talented one, but he had pushed the boy too hard, making him practice piano for six hours a day and perform in cafes and dance halls half the night. Andor ran away and crossed the ocean with an uncle, who smuggled him through the port as one of his own many kids. The explosion that injured Andor killed a number of people, and he was considered lucky to escape with just an eye injury. He still had a clipping from a Pittsburgh newspaper listing the dead and injured. It mentioned him as “Harsanyi, Andor, left eye and minor head injuries.” That was his first American mention, and he kept it. He didn’t hold any resentment against the coal company; he understood that the accident was just one of those things that happen in the hustle of American life, where everyone comes to take their shot and risks it all.
While they were eating dessert, Thea asked Harsanyi if she could change her Tuesday lesson from afternoon to morning. “I have to be at a choir rehearsal in the afternoon, to get ready for the Christmas music, and I expect it will last until late.”
While they were having dessert, Thea asked Harsanyi if she could move her Tuesday lesson from the afternoon to the morning. “I have to be at a choir rehearsal in the afternoon to prepare for the Christmas music, and I think it will go on until late.”
Harsanyi put down his fork and looked up. “A choir rehearsal? You sing in a church?”
Harsanyi set down his fork and looked up. “A choir rehearsal? You sing in a church?”
“Yes. A little Swedish church, over on the North side.”
“Yes. A small Swedish church, over on the North side.”
“Why did you not tell us?”
“Why didn't you let us know?”
“Oh, I’m only a temporary. The regular soprano is not well.”
“Oh, I’m just a fill-in. The regular soprano is sick.”
“How long have you been singing there?”
“How long have you been singing there?”
“Ever since I came. I had to get a position of some kind,” Thea explained, flushing, “and the preacher took me on. He runs the choir himself. He knew my father, and I guess he took me to oblige.”
“Ever since I arrived, I needed to find a job,” Thea said, flushing. “The preacher hired me. He runs the choir himself. He knew my dad, and I think he took me on as a favor.”
Harsanyi tapped the tablecloth with the ends of his fingers. “But why did you never tell us? Why are you so reticent with us?”
Harsanyi tapped the tablecloth with his fingertips. “But why did you never tell us? Why are you so reserved with us?”
Thea looked shyly at him from under her brows. “Well, it’s certainly not very interesting. It’s only a little church. I only do it for business reasons.”
Thea glanced at him shyly from beneath her eyebrows. “Well, it’s definitely not very interesting. It’s just a small church. I only do it for business reasons.”
“What do you mean? Don’t you like to sing? Don’t you sing well?”
“What do you mean? Don’t you like singing? Don’t you sing well?”
“I like it well enough, but, of course, I don’t know anything about singing. I guess that’s why I never said anything about it. Anybody that’s got a voice can sing in a little church like that.”
“I like it enough, but I don’t really know anything about singing. I guess that’s why I never mentioned it. Anyone with a voice can sing in a small church like that.”
Harsanyi laughed softly—a little scornfully, Thea thought. “So you have a voice, have you?”
Harsanyi chuckled lightly—somewhat mockingly, Thea thought. “So you actually have a voice, huh?”
Thea hesitated, looked intently at the candles and then at Harsanyi. “Yes,” she said firmly; “I have got some, anyway.”
Thea paused, stared closely at the candles, and then at Harsanyi. “Yes,” she said decisively, “I’ve got some, at least.”
“Good girl,” said Mrs. Harsanyi, nodding and smiling at Thea. “You must let us hear you sing after dinner.”
“Good girl,” Mrs. Harsanyi said, nodding and smiling at Thea. “You have to let us hear you sing after dinner.”
This remark seemingly closed the subject, and when the coffee was brought they began to talk of other things. Harsanyi asked Thea how she happened to know so much about the way in which freight trains are operated, and she tried to give him some idea of how the people in little desert towns live by the railway and order their lives by the coming and going of the trains. When they left the diningroom the children were sent to bed and Mrs. Harsanyi took Thea into the studio. She and her husband usually sat there in the evening.
This comment seemed to wrap up the topic, and when the coffee arrived, they started talking about other things. Harsanyi asked Thea how she knew so much about how freight trains operate, and she tried to explain how people in small desert towns depend on the railway and organize their lives around the train schedules. When they left the dining room, the kids were sent to bed, and Mrs. Harsanyi brought Thea into the studio. She and her husband usually spent their evenings there.
Although their apartment seemed so elegant to Thea, it was small and cramped. The studio was the only spacious room. The Harsanyis were poor, and it was due to Mrs. Harsanyi’s good management that their lives, even in hard times, moved along with dignity and order. She had long ago found out that bills or debts of any kind frightened her husband and crippled his working power. He said they were like bars on the windows, and shut out the future; they meant that just so many hundred dollars’ worth of his life was debilitated and exhausted before he got to it. So Mrs. Harsanyi saw to it that they never owed anything. Harsanyi was not extravagant, though he was sometimes careless about money. Quiet and order and his wife’s good taste were the things that meant most to him. After these, good food, good cigars, a little good wine. He wore his clothes until they were shabby, until his wife had to ask the tailor to come to the house and measure him for new ones. His neckties she usually made herself, and when she was in shops she always kept her eye open for silks in very dull or pale shades, grays and olives, warm blacks and browns.
Although their apartment looked elegant to Thea, it was actually small and cramped. The studio was the only spacious room. The Harsanyis were poor, but thanks to Mrs. Harsanyi’s effective management, their lives, even in tough times, were maintained with dignity and order. She had realized long ago that bills or any kind of debt intimidated her husband and took away his motivation to work. He said they were like bars on the windows, blocking out the future; they meant that a certain amount of his life’s worth was drained and exhausted before he even got to it. So, Mrs. Harsanyi made sure they never owed anything. Harsanyi was not extravagant, though he could be somewhat careless with money. Peace and order, along with his wife’s good taste, were what mattered most to him. After that, good food, good cigars, and a little good wine. He wore his clothes until they were worn out, until his wife had to call the tailor to come to the house and take his measurements for new ones. She usually made his neckties herself, and when she was shopping, she always looked for silks in very muted or pale colors, like grays and olives, warm blacks and browns.
When they went into the studio Mrs. Harsanyi took up her embroidery and Thea sat down beside her on a low stool, her hands clasped about her knees. While his wife and his pupil talked, Harsanyi sank into a chaise longue in which he sometimes snatched a few moments’ rest between his lessons, and smoked. He sat well out of the circle of the lamplight, his feet to the fire. His feet were slender and well shaped, always elegantly shod. Much of the grace of his movements was due to the fact that his feet were almost as sure and flexible as his hands. He listened to the conversation with amusement. He admired his wife’s tact and kindness with crude young people; she taught them so much without seeming to be instructing. When the clock struck nine, Thea said she must be going home.
When they entered the studio, Mrs. Harsanyi picked up her embroidery, and Thea settled down next to her on a low stool, her hands resting on her knees. While his wife and student chatted, Harsanyi sank into a chaise longue where he sometimes grabbed a few moments of rest between lessons and smoked. He sat outside the pool of lamplight, with his feet toward the fire. His feet were slender and well-shaped, always stylishly shod. Much of the elegance in his movements came from the fact that his feet were almost as nimble and flexible as his hands. He listened to their conversation with amusement, admiring his wife’s tact and kindness with these young people; she taught them so much without it feeling like a lesson. When the clock struck nine, Thea said she needed to head home.
Harsanyi rose and flung away his cigarette. “Not yet. We have just begun the evening. Now you are going to sing for us. I have been waiting for you to recover from dinner. Come, what shall it be?” he crossed to the piano.
Harsanyi stood up and tossed aside his cigarette. “Not yet. We’ve just started the evening. Now you’re going to sing for us. I’ve been waiting for you to finish dinner. Come on, what will it be?” He walked over to the piano.
Thea laughed and shook her head, locking her elbows still tighter about her knees. “Thank you, Mr. Harsanyi, but if you really make me sing, I’ll accompany myself. You couldn’t stand it to play the sort of things I have to sing.”
Thea laughed and shook her head, gripping her knees even tighter. “Thanks, Mr. Harsanyi, but if you really make me sing, I’ll play for myself. You wouldn't want to play the kind of stuff I have to sing.”
As Harsanyi still pointed to the chair at the piano, she left her stool and went to it, while he returned to his chaise longue. Thea looked at the keyboard uneasily for a moment, then she began “Come, ye Disconsolate,” the hymn Wunsch had always liked to hear her sing. Mrs. Harsanyi glanced questioningly at her husband, but he was looking intently at the toes of his boots, shading his forehead with his long white hand. When Thea finished the hymn she did not turn around, but immediately began “The Ninety and Nine.” Mrs. Harsanyi kept trying to catch her husband’s eye; but his chin only sank lower on his collar.
As Harsanyi still pointed to the chair at the piano, she got off her stool and went to it, while he settled back into his chaise lounge. Thea looked at the keyboard nervously for a moment, then started singing “Come, ye Disconsolate,” the hymn Wunsch always loved to hear her sing. Mrs. Harsanyi shot a questioning glance at her husband, but he was focused intently on the tips of his boots, shading his forehead with his long white hand. After Thea finished the hymn, she didn’t turn around but immediately started “The Ninety and Nine.” Mrs. Harsanyi kept trying to catch her husband’s eye, but his chin just sank lower into his collar.
“There were ninety and nine that safely lay
In the shelter of the fold,
But one was out on the hills away,
Far off from the gates of gold.”
"There were ninety-nine that were safely resting
In the shelter of the fold,
But one was out on the hills, far away,
Far from the gates of gold."
Harsanyi looked at her, then back at the fire.
Harsanyi glanced at her, then turned back to the fire.
“Rejoice, for the Shepherd has found his sheep.”
“Celebrate, because the Shepherd has found his sheep.”
Thea turned on the chair and grinned. “That’s about enough, isn’t it? That song got me my job. The preacher said it was sympathetic,” she minced the word, remembering Mr. Larsen’s manner.
Thea turned in the chair and smiled. “That’s pretty much enough, right? That song got me my job. The preacher said it was sympathetic,” she emphasized the word, recalling Mr. Larsen’s behavior.
Harsanyi drew himself up in his chair, resting his elbows on the low arms. “Yes? That is better suited to your voice. Your upper tones are good, above G. I must teach you some songs. Don’t you know anything—pleasant?”
Harsanyi straightened up in his chair, resting his elbows on the low arms. “Yes? That works better for your voice. Your higher notes are solid, above G. I should teach you some songs. Don’t you know any—nice ones?”
Thea shook her head ruefully. “I’m afraid I don’t. Let me see—Perhaps,” she turned to the piano and put her hands on the keys. “I used to sing this for Mr. Wunsch a long while ago. It’s for contralto, but I’ll try it.” She frowned at the keyboard a moment, played the few introductory measures, and began:
Thea shook her head with a hint of regret. “I’m not sure I do. Let me think—Maybe,” she turned to the piano and rested her hands on the keys. “I used to sing this for Mr. Wunsch a long time ago. It’s meant for contralto, but I’ll give it a shot.” She stared at the keyboard for a moment, played a few opening notes, and started:
“Ach, ich habe sie verloren,”
"Ah, I've lost them,"
She had not sung it for a long time, and it came back like an old friendship. When she finished, Harsanyi sprang from his chair and dropped lightly upon his toes, a kind of entre-chat that he sometimes executed when he formed a sudden resolution, or when he was about to follow a pure intuition, against reason. His wife said that when he gave that spring he was shot from the bow of his ancestors, and now when he left his chair in that manner she knew he was intensely interested. He went quickly to the piano.
She hadn’t sung it in a long time, and it returned like an old friend. When she finished, Harsanyi jumped up from his chair and landed lightly on his toes, doing a kind of entre-chat he would sometimes do when he made a sudden decision or when he followed a strong instinct, ignoring reason. His wife said that whenever he made that leap, it was like he was shot from the bow of his ancestors, and now, when he left his chair like that, she knew he was really interested. He hurried over to the piano.
“Sing that again. There is nothing the matter with your low voice, my girl. I will play for you. Let your voice out.” Without looking at her he began the accompaniment. Thea drew back her shoulders, relaxed them instinctively, and sang.
“Sing that again. There’s nothing wrong with your low voice, my girl. I’ll play for you. Just let your voice out.” Without looking at her, he started the accompaniment. Thea pulled back her shoulders, relaxed them instinctively, and sang.
When she finished the aria, Harsanyi beckoned her nearer. “Sing ah—ah for me, as I indicate.” He kept his right hand on the keyboard and put his left to her throat, placing the tips of his delicate fingers over her larynx. “Again,—until your breath is gone.—Trill between the two tones, always; good! Again; excellent!—Now up,—stay there. E and F. Not so good, is it? F is always a hard one.—Now, try the half-tone.—That’s right, nothing difficult about it.—Now, pianissimo, ah—ah. Now, swell it, ah—ah.—Again, follow my hand.—Now, carry it down.—Anybody ever tell you anything about your breathing?”
When she finished the aria, Harsanyi gestured for her to come closer. “Sing ah—ah for me, just as I show you.” He kept his right hand on the keyboard and placed his left hand on her throat, resting the tips of his delicate fingers over her larynx. “Again,—until you run out of breath.—Trill between the two notes, always; good! Again; excellent!—Now up,—stay there. E and F. Not so great, is it? F is always a tricky one.—Now, try the half-tone.—That’s right, nothing hard about it.—Now, pianissimo, ah—ah. Now, swell it, ah—ah.—Again, follow my hand.—Now, bring it down.—Has anyone ever said anything to you about your breathing?”
“Mr. Larsen says I have an unusually long breath,” Thea replied with spirit.
“Mr. Larsen says I have an unusually long breath,” Thea replied energetically.
Harsanyi smiled. “So you have, so you have. That was what I meant. Now, once more; carry it up and then down, ah—ah.” He put his hand back to her throat and sat with his head bent, his one eye closed. He loved to hear a big voice throb in a relaxed, natural throat, and he was thinking that no one had ever felt this voice vibrate before. It was like a wild bird that had flown into his studio on Middleton Street from goodness knew how far! No one knew that it had come, or even that it existed; least of all the strange, crude girl in whose throat it beat its passionate wings. What a simple thing it was, he reflected; why had he never guessed it before? Everything about her indicated it,—the big mouth, the wide jaw and chin, the strong white teeth, the deep laugh. The machine was so simple and strong, seemed to be so easily operated. She sang from the bottom of herself. Her breath came from down where her laugh came from, the deep laugh which Mrs. Harsanyi had once called “the laugh of the people.” A relaxed throat, a voice that lay on the breath, that had never been forced off the breath; it rose and fell in the air-column like the little balls which are put to shine in the jet of a fountain. The voice did not thin as it went up; the upper tones were as full and rich as the lower, produced in the same way and as unconsciously, only with deeper breath.
Harsanyi smiled. “You got it, you got it. That’s exactly what I meant. Now, let’s try it again; carry it up and then down, ah—ah.” He put his hand back to her throat and leaned in with his head bent, one eye closed. He loved hearing a big voice resonate from a relaxed, natural throat, and he thought that no one had ever felt this voice vibrate before. It was like a wild bird that had flown into his studio on Middleton Street from who knows how far! No one knew it had arrived, or even that it existed; least of all the strange, rough girl in whose throat it beat its passionate wings. It seemed so simple, he reflected; why had he never realized it before? Everything about her hinted at it—the big mouth, the wide jaw and chin, the strong white teeth, the deep laugh. The mechanism was so simple and strong, and it seemed easy to operate. She sang from deep within herself. Her breath came from the same place as her laugh, the deep laugh that Mrs. Harsanyi had once called “the laugh of the people.” A relaxed throat, a voice that flowed easily with the breath, never forced away from it; it rose and fell in the air like the little balls that sparkle in a fountain’s jet. The voice didn’t thin out as it went up; the higher notes were just as full and rich as the lower ones, produced in the same way and just as naturally, but with deeper breath.
At last Harsanyi threw back his head and rose. “You must be tired, Miss Kronborg.”
At last, Harsanyi tilted his head back and stood up. “You must be tired, Miss Kronborg.”
When she replied, she startled him; he had forgotten how hard and full of burs her speaking voice was. “No,” she said, “singing never tires me.”
When she answered, she surprised him; he had forgotten how rough and prickly her speaking voice was. “No,” she said, “singing never wears me out.”
Harsanyi pushed back his hair with a nervous hand. “I don’t know much about the voice, but I shall take liberties and teach you some good songs. I think you have a very interesting voice.”
Harsanyi pushed his hair back with a nervous hand. “I don’t know much about singing, but I’ll take the chance and teach you some great songs. I think you have a really interesting voice.”
“I’m glad if you like it. Good-night, Mr. Harsanyi.” Thea went with Mrs. Harsanyi to get her wraps.
“I’m glad you like it. Good night, Mr. Harsanyi.” Thea went with Mrs. Harsanyi to grab her coat.
When Mrs. Harsanyi came back to her husband, she found him walking restlessly up and down the room.
When Mrs. Harsanyi returned to her husband, she found him pacing back and forth across the room.
“Don’t you think her voice wonderful, dear?” she asked.
“Don’t you think her voice is amazing, dear?” she asked.
“I scarcely know what to think. All I really know about that girl is that she tires me to death. We must not have her often. If I did not have my living to make, then—” he dropped into a chair and closed his eyes. “How tired I am. What a voice!”
“I hardly know what to think. All I really know about that girl is that she exhausts me. We can't have her around too often. If I didn’t have to make a living, then—” he dropped into a chair and closed his eyes. “How tired I am. What a voice!”
IV
After that evening Thea’s work with Harsanyi changed somewhat. He insisted that she should study some songs with him, and after almost every lesson he gave up half an hour of his own time to practicing them with her. He did not pretend to know much about voice production, but so far, he thought, she had acquired no really injurious habits. A healthy and powerful organ had found its own method, which was not a bad one. He wished to find out a good deal before he recommended a vocal teacher. He never told Thea what he thought about her voice, and made her general ignorance of anything worth singing his pretext for the trouble he took. That was in the beginning. After the first few lessons his own pleasure and hers were pretext enough. The singing came at the end of the lesson hour, and they both treated it as a form of relaxation.
After that evening, Thea’s work with Harsanyi shifted a bit. He insisted that she should study some songs with him, and after almost every lesson, he spent half an hour of his own time practicing them with her. He didn’t claim to know much about voice production, but so far, he believed she hadn’t developed any harmful habits. A healthy and strong voice was finding its own method, which wasn’t bad at all. He wanted to learn a lot before he recommended a vocal teacher. He never told Thea what he thought about her voice, using her general lack of knowledge about anything worth singing as an excuse for the effort he put in. That was at first. After the initial few lessons, his own enjoyment and hers were enough of a reason. The singing took place at the end of the lesson time, and they both treated it as a way to unwind.
Harsanyi did not say much even to his wife about his discovery. He brooded upon it in a curious way. He found that these unscientific singing lessons stimulated him in his own study. After Miss Kronborg left him he often lay down in his studio for an hour before dinner, with his head full of musical ideas, with an effervescence in his brain which he had sometimes lost for weeks together under the grind of teaching. He had never got so much back for himself from any pupil as he did from Miss Kronborg. From the first she had stimulated him; something in her personality invariably affected him. Now that he was feeling his way toward her voice, he found her more interesting than ever before. She lifted the tedium of the winter for him, gave him curious fancies and reveries. Musically, she was sympathetic to him. Why all this was true, he never asked himself. He had learned that one must take where and when one can the mysterious mental irritant that rouses one’s imagination; that it is not to be had by order. She often wearied him, but she never bored him. Under her crudeness and brusque hardness, he felt there was a nature quite different, of which he never got so much as a hint except when she was at the piano, or when she sang. It was toward this hidden creature that he was trying, for his own pleasure, to find his way. In short, Harsanyi looked forward to his hour with Thea for the same reason that poor Wunsch had sometimes dreaded his; because she stirred him more than anything she did could adequately explain.
Harsanyi didn’t say much to his wife about his discovery. He pondered it in a unique way. He realized that these informal singing lessons inspired him in his own studies. After Miss Kronborg left him, he often lay down in his studio for an hour before dinner, his mind buzzing with musical ideas, feeling a creativity he sometimes lost for weeks due to the pressures of teaching. He had never gained as much from a student as he did from Miss Kronborg. From the start, she had encouraged him; something about her personality always affected him. Now that he was getting to know her voice, he found her more intriguing than ever. She brightened up the monotony of winter for him, filling him with curious thoughts and daydreams. Musically, she resonated with him. He never questioned why this was true. He had learned that one must take inspiration whenever and wherever it strikes; it can’t be summoned on demand. She often exhausted him, but she never bored him. Beneath her roughness and blunt demeanor, he sensed a different nature, which he only glimpsed when she was at the piano or singing. It was this hidden side that he was trying to explore for his own enjoyment. In short, Harsanyi looked forward to his time with Thea for the same reason that poor Wunsch sometimes dreaded it; she sparked something in him that was hard to explain.
One afternoon Harsanyi, after the lesson, was standing by the window putting some collodion on a cracked finger, and Thea was at the piano trying over “Die Lorelei” which he had given her last week to practice. It was scarcely a song which a singing master would have given her, but he had his own reasons. How she sang it mattered only to him and to her. He was playing his own game now, without interference; he suspected that he could not do so always.
One afternoon, after the lesson, Harsanyi was standing by the window, applying some collodion to a cracked finger, while Thea was at the piano rehearsing “Die Lorelei,” which he had assigned to her last week. It wasn't exactly a song a singing teacher would typically give her, but he had his own reasons. How she sang it was important only to him and to her. He was playing his own game now, without anyone interrupting; he suspected that he wouldn't be able to do that forever.
When she finished the song, she looked back over her shoulder at him and spoke thoughtfully. “That wasn’t right, at the end, was it?”
When she finished the song, she looked back at him and said thoughtfully, “That wasn’t right at the end, was it?”
“No, that should be an open, flowing tone, something like this,”—he waved his fingers rapidly in the air. “You get the idea?”
“No, it should have an open, flowing tone, something like this,”—he waved his fingers quickly in the air. “Do you get it?”
“No, I don’t. Seems a queer ending, after the rest.”
“No, I don’t. It feels like a strange ending, considering everything else.”
Harsanyi corked his little bottle and dropped it into the pocket of his velvet coat. “Why so? Shipwrecks come and go, Märchen come and go, but the river keeps right on. There you have your open, flowing tone.”
Harsanyi sealed his small bottle and slipped it into the pocket of his velvet coat. “Why's that? Shipwrecks come and go, stories come and go, but the river just keeps flowing. There’s your open, flowing tone.”
Thea looked intently at the music. “I see,” she said dully. “Oh, I see!” she repeated quickly and turned to him a glowing countenance. “It is the river.—Oh, yes, I get it now!” She looked at him but long enough to catch his glance, then turned to the piano again. Harsanyi was never quite sure where the light came from when her face suddenly flashed out at him in that way. Her eyes were too small to account for it, though they glittered like green ice in the sun. At such moments her hair was yellower, her skin whiter, her cheeks pinker, as if a lamp had suddenly been turned up inside of her. She went at the song again:
Thea focused intently on the music. “I see,” she said flatly. “Oh, I see!” she exclaimed quickly, turning to him with a bright smile. “It’s the river.—Oh, yes, I get it now!” She glanced at him just long enough to catch his eye before turning back to the piano. Harsanyi was always a bit puzzled about where the light came from when her face suddenly lit up like that. Her eyes were too small to explain it, even though they sparkled like green ice in the sun. In those moments, her hair seemed blonder, her skin paler, her cheeks rosier, as if a lamp had just been turned on inside her. She started the song again:
“Ich weiss nicht, was soll es bedeuten,
Das ich so traurig bin.”
“I don't know what it means,
That I am so sad.”
A kind of happiness vibrated in her voice. Harsanyi noticed how much and how unhesitatingly she changed her delivery of the whole song, the first part as well as the last. He had often noticed that she could not think a thing out in passages. Until she saw it as a whole, she wandered like a blind man surrounded by torments. After she once had her “revelation,” after she got the idea that to her—not always to him—explained everything, then she went forward rapidly. But she was not always easy to help. She was sometimes impervious to suggestion; she would stare at him as if she were deaf and ignore everything he told her to do. Then, all at once, something would happen in her brain and she would begin to do all that he had been for weeks telling her to do, without realizing that he had ever told her.
A kind of happiness resonated in her voice. Harsanyi noticed how much and how confidently she altered her delivery of the entire song, both the beginning and the end. He often observed that she struggled to think things through in segments. Until she comprehended it as a whole, she wandered like a blind person lost in distress. Once she experienced her “aha moment,” once she grasped the idea that, for her—not always for him—explained everything, she moved forward quickly. But she wasn't always easy to support. Sometimes she was resistant to suggestions; she'd look at him as if she were deaf and ignore everything he said to do. Then, suddenly, something would click in her mind, and she'd start doing everything he'd been telling her for weeks, without realizing he had ever mentioned it.
To-night Thea forgot Harsanyi and his finger. She finished the song only to begin it with fresh enthusiasm.
Tonight Thea forgot about Harsanyi and his finger. She finished the song only to start it again with renewed excitement.
“Und das hat mit ihrem singen
Die Lorelei gethan.”
“And that has to do with her singing
The Lorelei has done.”
She sat there singing it until the darkening room was so flooded with it that Harsanyi threw open a window.
She sat there singing it until the darkening room was so filled with it that Harsanyi threw open a window.
“You really must stop it, Miss Kronborg. I shan’t be able to get it out of my head to-night.”
“You really need to stop it, Miss Kronborg. I won’t be able to get it out of my mind tonight.”
Thea laughed tolerantly as she began to gather up her music. “Why, I thought you had gone, Mr. Harsanyi. I like that song.”
Thea laughed kindly as she started to pick up her music. “Oh, I thought you had left, Mr. Harsanyi. I really like that song.”
That evening at dinner Harsanyi sat looking intently into a glass of heavy yellow wine; boring into it, indeed, with his one eye, when his face suddenly broke into a smile.
That evening at dinner, Harsanyi sat staring intently into a glass of rich yellow wine; he was really focused on it with his one eye when his face suddenly lit up with a smile.
“What is it, Andor?” his wife asked.
“What’s going on, Andor?” his wife asked.
He smiled again, this time at her, and took up the nutcrackers and a Brazil nut. “Do you know,” he said in a tone so intimate and confidential that he might have been speaking to himself,—“do you know, I like to see Miss Kronborg get hold of an idea. In spite of being so talented, she’s not quick. But when she does get an idea, it fills her up to the eyes. She had my room so reeking of a song this afternoon that I couldn’t stay there.”
He smiled again, this time at her, and picked up the nutcrackers and a Brazil nut. “You know,” he said in a tone so personal and confidential that it felt like he was talking to himself, “you know, I really enjoy watching Miss Kronborg grasp an idea. Even though she’s really talented, she’s not quick on the uptake. But when she finally gets an idea, it completely fills her up. She had my room smelling so much like a song this afternoon that I couldn’t stay in there.”
Mrs. Harsanyi looked up quickly, “‘Die Lorelei,’ you mean? One couldn’t think of anything else anywhere in the house. I thought she was possessed. But don’t you think her voice is wonderful sometimes?”
Mrs. Harsanyi looked up quickly, “You mean ‘Die Lorelei’? One couldn’t think of anything else anywhere in the house. I thought she was possessed. But don’t you think her voice is amazing sometimes?”
Harsanyi tasted his wine slowly. “My dear, I’ve told you before that I don’t know what I think about Miss Kronborg, except that I’m glad there are not two of her. I sometimes wonder whether she is not glad. Fresh as she is at it all, I’ve occasionally fancied that, if she knew how, she would like to—diminish.” He moved his left hand out into the air as if he were suggesting a diminuendo to an orchestra.
Harsanyi sipped his wine slowly. “My dear, I’ve told you before that I’m not sure what I think about Miss Kronborg, except that I’m glad there’s only one of her. Sometimes I wonder if she’s glad about that too. Given how new she is to everything, I’ve occasionally thought that if she understood how, she might want to—scale back.” He gestured with his left hand as if he were signaling a diminuendo to an orchestra.
V
By the first of February Thea had been in Chicago almost four months, and she did not know much more about the city than if she had never quitted Moonstone. She was, as Harsanyi said, incurious. Her work took most of her time, and she found that she had to sleep a good deal. It had never before been so hard to get up in the morning. She had the bother of caring for her room, and she had to build her fire and bring up her coal. Her routine was frequently interrupted by a message from Mr. Larsen summoning her to sing at a funeral. Every funeral took half a day, and the time had to be made up. When Mrs. Harsanyi asked her if it did not depress her to sing at funerals, she replied that she “had been brought up to go to funerals and didn’t mind.”
By the beginning of February, Thea had been in Chicago for almost four months, and she didn't know much more about the city than if she had never left Moonstone. She was, as Harsanyi put it, uninterested. Her job consumed most of her time, and she found that she needed a lot of sleep. It had never been so hard to get out of bed in the morning. She had to take care of her room, build her fire, and bring up her coal. Her routine was often interrupted by messages from Mr. Larsen calling her to sing at a funeral. Each funeral took up half a day, and she had to make up for the lost time. When Mrs. Harsanyi asked her if singing at funerals upset her, she replied that she "had been raised to attend funerals and didn’t mind."
Thea never went into shops unless she had to, and she felt no interest in them. Indeed, she shunned them, as places where one was sure to be parted from one’s money in some way. She was nervous about counting her change, and she could not accustom herself to having her purchases sent to her address. She felt much safer with her bundles under her arm.
Thea never went into stores unless she had to, and she had no interest in them. In fact, she avoided them because they were places where you were guaranteed to spend money in some way. She got anxious about counting her change, and she couldn't get used to having her purchases delivered to her home. She felt much safer carrying her bags under her arm.
During this first winter Thea got no city consciousness. Chicago was simply a wilderness through which one had to find one’s way. She felt no interest in the general briskness and zest of the crowds. The crash and scramble of that big, rich, appetent Western city she did not take in at all, except to notice that the noise of the drays and street-cars tired her. The brilliant window displays, the splendid furs and stuffs, the gorgeous flower-shops, the gay candy-shops, she scarcely noticed. At Christmas-time she did feel some curiosity about the toy-stores, and she wished she held Thor’s little mittened fist in her hand as she stood before the windows. The jewelers’ windows, too, had a strong attraction for her—she had always liked bright stones. When she went into the city she used to brave the biting lake winds and stand gazing in at the displays of diamonds and pearls and emeralds; the tiaras and necklaces and earrings, on white velvet. These seemed very well worth while to her, things worth coveting.
During that first winter, Thea didn’t feel any connection to the city. Chicago was just a wild place she had to navigate. She wasn’t interested in the lively energy of the crowds. The noise and chaos of that big, wealthy, eager Western city didn’t register much for her, except that the sound of the carts and streetcars made her tired. She barely noticed the flashy window displays, the luxurious furs and fabrics, the beautiful flower shops, or the cheerful candy stores. At Christmas, she did feel a bit curious about the toy stores and wished she could hold Thor’s little gloved hand as she looked at the windows. The jewelry displays also captivated her—she had always loved bright gemstones. When she went into the city, she would brave the biting lake winds and stand looking at the showcases filled with diamonds, pearls, and emeralds; the tiaras, necklaces, and earrings gleaming on white velvet. These things seemed valuable to her, truly worth desiring.
Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen often told each other it was strange that Miss Kronborg had so little initiative about “visiting points of interest.” When Thea came to live with them she had expressed a wish to see two places: Montgomery Ward and Company’s big mail-order store, and the packing-houses, to which all the hogs and cattle that went through Moonstone were bound. One of Mrs. Lorch’s lodgers worked in a packing-house, and Mrs. Andersen brought Thea word that she had spoken to Mr. Eckman and he would gladly take her to Packingtown. Eckman was a toughish young Swede, and he thought it would be something of a lark to take a pretty girl through the slaughter-houses. But he was disappointed. Thea neither grew faint nor clung to the arm he kept offering her. She asked innumerable questions and was impatient because he knew so little of what was going on outside of his own department. When they got off the street-car and walked back to Mrs. Lorch’s house in the dusk, Eckman put her hand in his overcoat pocket—she had no muff—and kept squeezing it ardently until she said, “Don’t do that; my ring cuts me.” That night he told his roommate that he “could have kissed her as easy as rolling off a log, but she wasn’t worth the trouble.” As for Thea, she had enjoyed the afternoon very much, and wrote her father a brief but clear account of what she had seen.
Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen often commented on how odd it was that Miss Kronborg had so little interest in “visiting points of interest.” When Thea moved in with them, she expressed a desire to see two places: the large mail-order store of Montgomery Ward and Company, and the packing houses where all the hogs and cattle from Moonstone were sent. One of Mrs. Lorch’s tenants worked in a packing house, and Mrs. Andersen informed Thea that she had spoken to Mr. Eckman, who would happily take her to Packingtown. Eckman was a bit of a tough young Swede, and he thought it would be a fun adventure to take a pretty girl through the slaughterhouses. But he was let down. Thea didn’t faint or cling to his arm like he expected. Instead, she asked countless questions and was frustrated because he didn’t know much about anything outside his own area. After they got off the streetcar and walked back to Mrs. Lorch’s house in the evening light, Eckman slipped her hand into his overcoat pocket—she didn’t have a muff—and kept squeezing it eagerly until she said, “Don’t do that; my ring is digging into me.” That night, he told his roommate that he “could have kissed her as easily as rolling off a log, but she wasn’t worth the hassle.” As for Thea, she had a great time that afternoon and wrote her dad a brief but clear account of everything she had seen.
One night at supper Mrs. Andersen was talking about the exhibit of students’ work she had seen at the Art Institute that afternoon. Several of her friends had sketches in the exhibit. Thea, who always felt that she was behindhand in courtesy to Mrs. Andersen, thought that here was an opportunity to show interest without committing herself to anything. “Where is that, the Institute?” she asked absently.
One night at dinner, Mrs. Andersen was discussing the student art exhibit she had seen at the Art Institute that afternoon. Several of her friends had sketches on display. Thea, who always felt she was lacking in courtesy towards Mrs. Andersen, thought this was a chance to show some interest without having to get too involved. “Where is that, the Institute?” she asked casually.
Mrs. Andersen clasped her napkin in both hands. “The Art Institute? Our beautiful Art Institute on Michigan Avenue? Do you mean to say you have never visited it?”
Mrs. Andersen held her napkin in both hands. “The Art Institute? Our beautiful Art Institute on Michigan Avenue? Are you saying you've never been there?”
“Oh, is it the place with the big lions out in front? I remember; I saw it when I went to Montgomery Ward’s. Yes, I thought the lions were beautiful.”
“Oh, is it the place with the big lions out front? I remember; I saw it when I went to Montgomery Ward. Yeah, I thought the lions were beautiful.”
“But the pictures! Didn’t you visit the galleries?”
"But the pictures! Didn't you check out the galleries?"
“No. The sign outside said it was a pay-day. I’ve always meant to go back, but I haven’t happened to be down that way since.”
“No. The sign outside said it was payday. I’ve always meant to go back, but I haven’t been down that way since.”
Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen looked at each other. The old mother spoke, fixing her shining little eyes upon Thea across the table. “Ah, but Miss Kronborg, there are old masters! Oh, many of them, such as you could not see anywhere out of Europe.”
Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen glanced at each other. The old mother spoke, focusing her bright little eyes on Thea across the table. “Oh, but Miss Kronborg, there are old masters! So many of them, ones you wouldn’t be able to find outside of Europe.”
“And Corots,” breathed Mrs. Andersen, tilting her head feelingly. “Such examples of the Barbizon school!” This was meaningless to Thea, who did not read the art columns of the Sunday Inter-Ocean as Mrs. Andersen did.
“And Corots,” sighed Mrs. Andersen, tilting her head with emotion. “Such examples of the Barbizon school!” This didn’t make sense to Thea, who didn’t read the art sections of the Sunday Inter-Ocean like Mrs. Andersen did.
“Oh, I’m going there some day,” she reassured them. “I like to look at oil paintings.”
“Oh, I’m definitely going there someday,” she said to reassure them. “I love looking at oil paintings.”
One bleak day in February, when the wind was blowing clouds of dirt like a Moonstone sandstorm, dirt that filled your eyes and ears and mouth, Thea fought her way across the unprotected space in front of the Art Institute and into the doors of the building. She did not come out again until the closing hour. In the street-car, on the long cold ride home, while she sat staring at the waistcoat buttons of a fat strap-hanger, she had a serious reckoning with herself. She seldom thought about her way of life, about what she ought or ought not to do; usually there was but one obvious and important thing to be done. But that afternoon she remonstrated with herself severely. She told herself that she was missing a great deal; that she ought to be more willing to take advice and to go to see things. She was sorry that she had let months pass without going to the Art Institute. After this she would go once a week.
One dreary day in February, when the wind was whipping up clouds of dirt like a Moonstone sandstorm, filling her eyes, ears, and mouth, Thea pushed her way across the open space in front of the Art Institute and entered the building. She didn't come out again until it was time to close. On the streetcar, during the long, cold ride home, while she sat staring at the buttons on a heavy passenger's waistcoat, she had a serious talk with herself. She rarely thought about her lifestyle, about what she should or shouldn't do; usually, there was only one clear and important thing to focus on. But that afternoon, she scolded herself harshly. She told herself she was missing out on a lot; that she should be more open to advice and make an effort to explore new things. She regretted letting months go by without visiting the Art Institute. From now on, she'd go once a week.
The Institute proved, indeed, a place of retreat, as the sand hills or the Kohlers’ garden used to be; a place where she could forget Mrs. Andersen’s tiresome overtures of friendship, the stout contralto in the choir whom she so unreasonably hated, and even, for a little while, the torment of her work. That building was a place in which she could relax and play, and she could hardly ever play now. On the whole, she spent more time with the casts than with the pictures. They were at once more simple and more perplexing; and some way they seemed more important, harder to overlook. It never occurred to her to buy a catalogue, so she called most of the casts by names she made up for them. Some of them she knew; the Dying Gladiator she had read about in “Childe Harold” almost as long ago as she could remember; he was strongly associated with Dr. Archie and childish illnesses. The Venus di Milo puzzled her; she could not see why people thought her so beautiful. She told herself over and over that she did not think the Apollo Belvedere “at all handsome.” Better than anything else she liked a great equestrian statue of an evil, cruel-looking general with an unpronounceable name. She used to walk round and round this terrible man and his terrible horse, frowning at him, brooding upon him, as if she had to make some momentous decision about him.
The Institute was definitely a refuge, just like the sand dunes or the Kohlers’ garden used to be; a place where she could forget Mrs. Andersen’s annoying attempts at friendship, the heavy contralto in the choir that she irrationally disliked, and even, for a little while, the stress of her job. That building was a space where she could unwind and have fun, something she rarely did anymore. Overall, she spent more time with the casts than with the paintings. They were both simpler and more confusing; somehow, they felt more significant, harder to ignore. It never crossed her mind to buy a catalog, so she gave most of the casts names that she invented. Some of them she recognized; the Dying Gladiator, for instance, she had read about in “Childe Harold” nearly as far back as she could remember; he was strongly linked to Dr. Archie and her childhood illnesses. The Venus di Milo puzzled her; she couldn’t understand why people found her so beautiful. She kept telling herself that she didn’t think the Apollo Belvedere was “at all handsome.” More than anything else, she liked a large equestrian statue of a fierce-looking, cruel general with a name she couldn’t pronounce. She would walk around and around this terrifying man and his fearsome horse, frowning at him, contemplating as if she had to make some important decision about him.
The casts, when she lingered long among them, always made her gloomy. It was with a lightening of the heart, a feeling of throwing off the old miseries and old sorrows of the world, that she ran up the wide staircase to the pictures. There she liked best the ones that told stories. There was a painting by Gérôme called “The Pasha’s Grief” which always made her wish for Gunner and Axel. The Pasha was seated on a rug, beside a green candle almost as big as a telegraph pole, and before him was stretched his dead tiger, a splendid beast, and there were pink roses scattered about him. She loved, too, a picture of some boys bringing in a newborn calf on a litter, the cow walking beside it and licking it. The Corot which hung next to this painting she did not like or dislike; she never saw it.
The casts always made her feel down whenever she spent too long among them. With a sense of relief, as if she were shedding all the old pains and sorrows of the world, she hurried up the wide staircase to the pictures. There, she especially loved the ones that told stories. One painting by Gérôme called “The Pasha’s Grief” always made her think of Gunner and Axel. The Pasha was sitting on a rug next to a green candle that was almost as tall as a telephone pole, and in front of him lay his dead tiger, a magnificent creature, with pink roses scattered around it. She also adored a picture of some boys carrying in a newborn calf on a litter, with the mother cow walking beside them, licking her calf. The Corot hanging next to this painting was one she neither liked nor disliked; she never truly noticed it.
But in that same room there was a picture—oh, that was the thing she ran upstairs so fast to see! That was her picture. She imagined that nobody cared for it but herself, and that it waited for her. That was a picture indeed. She liked even the name of it, “The Song of the Lark.” The flat country, the early morning light, the wet fields, the look in the girl’s heavy face—well, they were all hers, anyhow, whatever was there. She told herself that that picture was “right.” Just what she meant by this, it would take a clever person to explain. But to her the word covered the almost boundless satisfaction she felt when she looked at the picture.
But in that same room, there was a picture—oh, that was what she rushed upstairs to see! That was her picture. She thought nobody cared about it except for her, and that it was waiting for her. It was truly a remarkable picture. She even loved its name, “The Song of the Lark.” The flat countryside, the early morning light, the wet fields, the expression on the girl’s serious face—well, they were all hers, no matter what was in it. She told herself that the picture was “right.” It would take someone smart to explain exactly what she meant by that. But for her, the word captured the almost limitless satisfaction she felt when she looked at the picture.
Before Thea had any idea how fast the weeks were flying, before Mr. Larsen’s “permanent” soprano had returned to her duties, spring came; windy, dusty, strident, shrill; a season almost more violent in Chicago than the winter from which it releases one, or the heat to which it eventually delivers one. One sunny morning the apple trees in Mrs. Lorch’s back yard burst into bloom, and for the first time in months Thea dressed without building a fire. The morning shone like a holiday, and for her it was to be a holiday. There was in the air that sudden, treacherous softness which makes the Poles who work in the packing-houses get drunk. At such times beauty is necessary, and in Packingtown there is no place to get it except at the saloons, where one can buy for a few hours the illusion of comfort, hope, love,—whatever one most longs for.
Before Thea realized how quickly the weeks were passing, before Mr. Larsen’s “permanent” soprano had returned to her responsibilities, spring arrived; windy, dusty, loud, piercing; a season that felt almost more extreme in Chicago than the winter it rolls us out of, or the heat it ultimately leads us into. One sunny morning, the apple trees in Mrs. Lorch’s backyard burst into bloom, and for the first time in months, Thea got dressed without needing to start a fire. The morning sparkled like a holiday, and for her, it truly was a day of celebration. There was a sudden, deceptive softness in the air that makes the workers in the packing houses get drunk. During these times, beauty becomes essential, and in Packingtown, the only place to find it is at the saloons, where one can purchase—if only for a few hours—the illusion of comfort, hope, love—whatever one desires most.
Harsanyi had given Thea a ticket for the symphony concert that afternoon, and when she looked out at the white apple trees her doubts as to whether she ought to go vanished at once. She would make her work light that morning, she told herself. She would go to the concert full of energy. When she set off, after dinner, Mrs. Lorch, who knew Chicago weather, prevailed upon her to take her cape. The old lady said that such sudden mildness, so early in April, presaged a sharp return of winter, and she was anxious about her apple trees.
Harsanyi had given Thea a ticket for the symphony concert that afternoon, and when she looked out at the white apple trees, her doubts about whether she should go disappeared instantly. She decided she would make her work light that morning. She planned to go to the concert feeling energized. When she left after dinner, Mrs. Lorch, who was familiar with Chicago weather, urged her to take her cape. The older woman said that such sudden warmth so early in April usually meant a quick return of winter, and she was worried about her apple trees.
The concert began at two-thirty, and Thea was in her seat in the Auditorium at ten minutes after two—a fine seat in the first row of the balcony, on the side, where she could see the house as well as the orchestra. She had been to so few concerts that the great house, the crowd of people, and the lights, all had a stimulating effect. She was surprised to see so many men in the audience, and wondered how they could leave their business in the afternoon. During the first number Thea was so much interested in the orchestra itself, in the men, the instruments, the volume of sound, that she paid little attention to what they were playing. Her excitement impaired her power of listening. She kept saying to herself, “Now I must stop this foolishness and listen; I may never hear this again”; but her mind was like a glass that is hard to focus. She was not ready to listen until the second number, Dvorak’s Symphony in E minor, called on the programme, “From the New World.” The first theme had scarcely been given out when her mind became clear; instant composure fell upon her, and with it came the power of concentration. This was music she could understand, music from the New World indeed! Strange how, as the first movement went on, it brought back to her that high tableland above Laramie; the grass-grown wagon trails, the far-away peaks of the snowy range, the wind and the eagles, that old man and the first telegraph message.
The concert started at two-thirty, and Thea was in her seat in the Auditorium by ten minutes past two—a great seat in the first row of the balcony, on the side, where she could see both the audience and the orchestra. She had attended so few concerts that the large venue, the crowd, and the lights all energized her. She was surprised to see so many men in the audience and wondered how they could leave work in the afternoon. During the first piece, Thea was so fascinated by the orchestra itself, the musicians, the instruments, the volume of sound, that she paid little attention to what they were performing. Her excitement made it hard for her to focus. She kept telling herself, “I need to stop this silly distraction and listen; I may never get to experience this again,” but her mind felt like a camera that wouldn’t focus. It wasn’t until the second piece, Dvorak’s Symphony in E minor, titled “From the New World” in the program, that she was ready to listen. As soon as the first theme began, her mind cleared; a wave of calm washed over her, bringing with it the ability to concentrate. This was music she could grasp, music from the New World indeed! It was strange how, as the first movement continued, it reminded her of that high plateau above Laramie; the grassy wagon trails, the distant peaks of the snowy range, the wind and the eagles, that old man, and the first telegraph message.
When the first movement ended, Thea’s hands and feet were cold as ice. She was too much excited to know anything except that she wanted something desperately, and when the English horns gave out the theme of the Largo, she knew that what she wanted was exactly that. Here were the sand hills, the grasshoppers and locusts, all the things that wakened and chirped in the early morning; the reaching and reaching of high plains, the immeasurable yearning of all flat lands. There was home in it, too; first memories, first mornings long ago; the amazement of a new soul in a new world; a soul new and yet old, that had dreamed something despairing, something glorious, in the dark before it was born; a soul obsessed by what it did not know, under the cloud of a past it could not recall.
When the first movement wrapped up, Thea’s hands and feet were freezing. She was too excited to think about anything except that she desperately wanted something, and when the English horns played the theme of the Largo, she realized that what she longed for was exactly that. It evoked the sand hills, grasshoppers, and locusts, all the sounds that came alive in the early morning; the endless stretch of high plains, the deep longing of all flat lands. There was also a sense of home in it; first memories, first mornings from long ago; the wonder of a new soul in a new world; a soul that was both new and old, having dreamed something despairing, something magnificent, in the darkness before it was born; a soul haunted by the unknown, shrouded by a past it couldn’t remember.
If Thea had had much experience in concert-going, and had known her own capacity, she would have left the hall when the symphony was over. But she sat still, scarcely knowing where she was, because her mind had been far away and had not yet come back to her. She was startled when the orchestra began to play again—the entry of the gods into Walhalla. She heard it as people hear things in their sleep. She knew scarcely anything about the Wagner operas. She had a vague idea that “Rhinegold” was about the strife between gods and men; she had read something about it in Mr. Haweis’s book long ago. Too tired to follow the orchestra with much understanding, she crouched down in her seat and closed her eyes. The cold, stately measures of the Walhalla music rang out, far away; the rainbow bridge throbbed out into the air, under it the wailing of the Rhine daughters and the singing of the Rhine. But Thea was sunk in twilight; it was all going on in another world. So it happened that with a dull, almost listless ear she heard for the first time that troubled music, ever-darkening, ever-brightening, which was to flow through so many years of her life.
If Thea had had more experience attending concerts and knew her own limits, she would have left the hall when the symphony ended. Instead, she sat still, barely aware of her surroundings, because her thoughts had drifted far away and hadn’t returned yet. She was jolted when the orchestra started playing again—the entrance of the gods into Walhalla. She perceived it like people do when they are half-asleep. She didn’t know much about Wagner’s operas. She had a vague idea that “Rhinegold” dealt with the conflict between gods and humans; she had read something about it in a book by Mr. Haweis long ago. Too exhausted to fully grasp the orchestra's performance, she huddled in her seat and closed her eyes. The cold, majestic notes of the Walhalla music resonated in the distance; the rainbow bridge pulsed in the air, beneath it the cries of the Rhine daughters and the singing of the Rhine. But Thea was lost in a haze; everything felt like it was happening in another world. That was how she heard, for the first time, that haunting music—ever-darkening, ever-brightening—that would flow through so many years of her life.
When Thea emerged from the concert hall, Mrs. Lorch’s predictions had been fulfilled. A furious gale was beating over the city from Lake Michigan. The streets were full of cold, hurrying, angry people, running for street-cars and barking at each other. The sun was setting in a clear, windy sky, that flamed with red as if there were a great fire somewhere on the edge of the city. For almost the first time Thea was conscious of the city itself, of the congestion of life all about her, of the brutality and power of those streams that flowed in the streets, threatening to drive one under. People jostled her, ran into her, poked her aside with their elbows, uttering angry exclamations. She got on the wrong car and was roughly ejected by the conductor at a windy corner, in front of a saloon. She stood there dazed and shivering. The cars passed, screaming as they rounded curves, but either they were full to the doors, or were bound for places where she did not want to go. Her hands were so cold that she took off her tight kid gloves. The street lights began to gleam in the dusk. A young man came out of the saloon and stood eyeing her questioningly while he lit a cigarette. “Looking for a friend to-night?” he asked. Thea drew up the collar of her cape and walked on a few paces. The young man shrugged his shoulders and drifted away.
When Thea stepped out of the concert hall, Mrs. Lorch’s predictions came true. A fierce wind was blowing through the city from Lake Michigan. The streets were filled with cold, rushing, frustrated people, hurrying to catch streetcars and snapping at each other. The sun was setting in a clear, windy sky, glowing red as if there were a big fire somewhere on the outskirts of the city. For almost the first time, Thea was aware of the city itself, of the crowd of life all around her, of the harshness and power of the streams of people flowing through the streets, threatening to sweep her away. People bumped into her, collided with her, jostled her aside with their elbows, shouting angry remarks. She got on the wrong streetcar and was roughly kicked off by the conductor at a windy corner, right in front of a bar. She stood there, dazed and shivering. The streetcars passed, screaming as they took sharp turns, but either they were packed to capacity or heading to places she didn’t want to go. Her hands were so cold that she took off her tight leather gloves. The streetlights began to flicker on in the dusk. A young man came out of the bar and looked at her curiously while lighting a cigarette. “Looking for a friend tonight?” he asked. Thea pulled up the collar of her cape and walked on a few steps. The young man shrugged and wandered off.
Thea came back to the corner and stood there irresolutely. An old man approached her. He, too, seemed to be waiting for a car. He wore an overcoat with a black fur collar, his gray mustache was waxed into little points, and his eyes were watery. He kept thrusting his face up near hers. Her hat blew off and he ran after it—a stiff, pitiful skip he had—and brought it back to her. Then, while she was pinning her hat on, her cape blew up, and he held it down for her, looking at her intently. His face worked as if he were going to cry or were frightened. He leaned over and whispered something to her. It struck her as curious that he was really quite timid, like an old beggar. “Oh, let me Alone!” she cried miserably between her teeth. He vanished, disappeared like the Devil in a play. But in the mean time something had got away from her; she could not remember how the violins came in after the horns, just there. When her cape blew up, perhaps—Why did these men torment her? A cloud of dust blew in her face and blinded her. There was some power abroad in the world bent upon taking away from her that feeling with which she had come out of the concert hall. Everything seemed to sweep down on her to tear it out from under her cape. If one had that, the world became one’s enemy; people, buildings, wagons, cars, rushed at one to crush it under, to make one let go of it. Thea glared round her at the crowds, the ugly, sprawling streets, the long lines of lights, and she was not crying now. Her eyes were brighter than even Harsanyi had ever seen them. All these things and people were no longer remote and negligible; they had to be met, they were lined up against her, they were there to take something from her. Very well; they should never have it. They might trample her to death, but they should never have it. As long as she lived that ecstasy was going to be hers. She would live for it, work for it, die for it; but she was going to have it, time after time, height after height. She could hear the crash of the orchestra again, and she rose on the brasses. She would have it, what the trumpets were singing! She would have it, have it,—it! Under the old cape she pressed her hands upon her heaving bosom, that was a little girl’s no longer.
Thea returned to the corner and stood there uncertainly. An old man approached her, also seemingly waiting for a car. He wore an overcoat with a black fur collar, his gray mustache was styled into tiny points, and his eyes were watery. He kept pushing his face close to hers. When her hat blew off, he hurried after it with a stiff, awkward skip and brought it back to her. Then, while she was pinning her hat on, her cape lifted, and he held it down for her, looking at her intently. His face twitched as if he were about to cry or was scared. He leaned in and whispered something to her. It struck her as odd that he seemed really quite timid, like an old beggar. “Oh, let me Alone!” she cried miserably through clenched teeth. He vanished, disappearing like the Devil in a play. But in the meantime, something slipped away from her; she couldn't recall how the violins entered after the horns at that moment. Maybe it was when her cape blew up—Why did these men bother her? A cloud of dust blew into her face and blinded her. There was some force in the world trying to take away that feeling she had left the concert hall with. Everything seemed to come crashing down to rip it away from under her cape. If one had that feeling, the world turned into an enemy; people, buildings, carts, cars rushed in to crush it, to make one let go of it. Thea glared at the crowds, the ugly, sprawling streets, the long lines of lights, and she wasn’t crying now. Her eyes were brighter than even Harsanyi had ever seen them. All these things and people were no longer distant and insignificant; they were in her way, lined up against her, there to take something from her. Fine; they would never get it. They could trample her to death, but they would never have it. As long as she lived, that ecstasy was going to be hers. She would live for it, work for it, die for it; but she was going to experience it, time after time, height after height. She could hear the crash of the orchestra again, and she rose with the brasses. She would have it, what the trumpets were singing! She would have it, have it,—it! Under the old cape, she pressed her hands against her heaving chest, which was no longer that of a little girl.
VI
One afternoon in April, Theodore Thomas, the conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, had turned out his desk light and was about to leave his office in the Auditorium Building, when Harsanyi appeared in the doorway. The conductor welcomed him with a hearty hand-grip and threw off the overcoat he had just put on. He pushed Harsanyi into a chair and sat down at his burdened desk, pointing to the piles of papers and railway folders upon it.
One afternoon in April, Theodore Thomas, the conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, had turned off his desk light and was getting ready to leave his office in the Auditorium Building when Harsanyi showed up in the doorway. The conductor greeted him with a warm handshake and took off the overcoat he had just put on. He pushed Harsanyi into a chair and took a seat at his cluttered desk, gesturing to the stacks of papers and train schedules on it.
“Another tour, clear to the coast. This traveling is the part of my work that grinds me, Andor. You know what it means: bad food, dirt, noise, exhaustion for the men and for me. I’m not so young as I once was. It’s time I quit the highway. This is the last tour, I swear!”
“Another trip, all the way to the coast. This travel is the part of my job that really wears me down, Andor. You know what it means: terrible food, dirt, noise, and exhaustion for both the crew and me. I’m not as young as I used to be. It’s time I leave the road behind. This is the last trip, I promise!”
“Then I’m sorry for the ‘highway.’ I remember when I first heard you in Pittsburg, long ago. It was a life-line you threw me. It’s about one of the people along your highway that I’ve come to see you. Whom do you consider the best teacher for voice in Chicago?”
“Then I’m sorry for the ‘highway.’ I remember when I first heard you in Pittsburgh, a long time ago. It was a lifeline you threw me. It’s about one of the people along your highway that I’ve come to see you. Who do you think is the best voice teacher in Chicago?”
Mr. Thomas frowned and pulled his heavy mustache. “Let me see; I suppose on the whole Madison Bowers is the best. He’s intelligent, and he had good training. I don’t like him.”
Mr. Thomas frowned and tugged at his thick mustache. “Let me think; I guess overall, Madison Bowers is the best. He’s smart, and he had solid training. I don’t like him.”
Harsanyi nodded. “I thought there was no one else. I don’t like him, either, so I hesitated. But I suppose he must do, for the present.”
Harsanyi nodded. “I didn't think there was anyone else. I don’t like him either, so I hesitated. But I guess he’ll have to do for now.”
“Have you found anything promising? One of your own students?”
“Have you found anything promising? A student of yours?”
“Yes, sir. A young Swedish girl from somewhere in Colorado. She is very talented, and she seems to me to have a remarkable voice.”
“Yes, sir. A young Swedish girl from somewhere in Colorado. She is really talented, and I find her voice to be quite remarkable.”
“High voice?”
"High-pitched voice?"
“I think it will be; though her low voice has a beautiful quality, very individual. She has had no instruction in voice at all, and I shrink from handing her over to anybody; her own instinct about it has been so good. It is one of those voices that manages itself easily, without thinning as it goes up; good breathing and perfect relaxation. But she must have a teacher, of course. There is a break in the middle voice, so that the voice does not all work together; an unevenness.”
“I think it will be; her low voice has a beautiful quality, very unique. She hasn't had any vocal training at all, and I hesitate to let anyone teach her; her natural instinct for it has been so good. It’s one of those voices that flows easily, without losing strength as it goes higher; she has good breath control and perfect relaxation. But she definitely needs a teacher. There’s a break in her middle voice, which means it doesn’t always work together; there's an unevenness.”
Thomas looked up. “So? Curious; that cleft often happens with the Swedes. Some of their best singers have had it. It always reminds me of the space you so often see between their front teeth. Is she strong physically?”
Thomas looked up. “So? Interesting; that gap often occurs with the Swedes. Some of their best singers have had it. It always reminds me of the space you often see between their front teeth. Is she physically strong?”
Harsanyi’s eye flashed. He lifted his hand before him and clenched it. “Like a horse, like a tree! Every time I give her a lesson, I lose a pound. She goes after what she wants.”
Harsanyi's eyes lit up. He raised his hand and clenched it. "Like a horse, like a tree! Every time I give her a lesson, I lose a pound. She goes after what she wants."
“Intelligent, you say? Musically intelligent?”
"Smart, you say? Musically smart?"
“Yes; but no cultivation whatever. She came to me like a fine young savage, a book with nothing written in it. That is why I feel the responsibility of directing her.” Harsanyi paused and crushed his soft gray hat over his knee. “She would interest you, Mr. Thomas,” he added slowly. “She has a quality—very individual.”
“Yes; but no upbringing whatsoever. She came to me like a wild young spirit, a blank slate. That’s why I feel responsible for guiding her.” Harsanyi paused and pressed his soft gray hat against his knee. “She would intrigue you, Mr. Thomas,” he added slowly. “She has a quality—very unique.”
“Yes; the Scandinavians are apt to have that, too. She can’t go to Germany, I suppose?”
“Yes; the Scandinavians tend to have that as well. She can't go to Germany, can she?”
“Not now, at any rate. She is poor.”
“Not right now, anyway. She’s broke.”
Thomas frowned again “I don’t think Bowers a really first-rate man. He’s too petty to be really first-rate; in his nature, I mean. But I dare say he’s the best you can do, if you can’t give her time enough yourself.”
Thomas frowned again. “I don’t think Bowers is a truly first-rate guy. He’s too small-minded to be really first-rate, in his nature, I mean. But I guess he’s the best you can find if you can’t give her enough time yourself.”
Harsanyi waved his hand. “Oh, the time is nothing—she may have all she wants. But I cannot teach her to sing.”
Harsanyi waved his hand. “Oh, time doesn't matter—she can have as much as she wants. But I can't teach her to sing.”
“Might not come amiss if you made a musician of her, however,” said Mr. Thomas dryly.
“Might not be a bad idea if you made her a musician, though,” Mr. Thomas said dryly.
“I have done my best. But I can only play with a voice, and this is not a voice to be played with. I think she will be a musician, whatever happens. She is not quick, but she is solid, real; not like these others. My wife says that with that girl one swallow does not make a summer.”
“I’ve done my best. But I can only play with a voice, and this is not a voice to mess around with. I believe she will be a musician, no matter what. She’s not fast, but she’s steady and genuine; not like the others. My wife says that with that girl, one swallow doesn’t make a summer.”
Mr. Thomas laughed. “Tell Mrs. Harsanyi that her remark conveys something to me. Don’t let yourself get too much interested. Voices are so often disappointing; especially women’s voices. So much chance about it, so many factors.”
Mr. Thomas laughed. “Tell Mrs. Harsanyi that her comment means something to me. Don’t get too invested. Voices can be really disappointing, especially women’s voices. There’s so much randomness involved, so many variables.”
“Perhaps that is why they interest one. All the intelligence and talent in the world can’t make a singer. The voice is a wild thing. It can’t be bred in captivity. It is a sport, like the silver fox. It happens.”
“Maybe that’s why they draw us in. No amount of intelligence or talent can create a singer. The voice is something untamed. It can’t be cultivated in confinement. It’s a natural occurrence, like the silver fox. It just happens.”
Mr. Thomas smiled into Harsanyi’s gleaming eye. “Why haven’t you brought her to sing for me?”
Mr. Thomas smiled into Harsanyi’s bright eye. “Why haven’t you brought her to sing for me?”
“I’ve been tempted to, but I knew you were driven to death, with this tour confronting you.”
“I’ve been tempted to, but I knew this tour was pushing you to your limits.”
“Oh, I can always find time to listen to a girl who has a voice, if she means business. I’m sorry I’m leaving so soon. I could advise you better if I had heard her. I can sometimes give a singer suggestions. I’ve worked so much with them.”
“Oh, I can always make time to listen to a girl who has something to say, if she’s serious about it. I’m sorry I’m taking off so quickly. I could give you better advice if I had heard her. Sometimes I can offer a singer some tips. I’ve worked with them a lot.”
“You’re the only conductor I know who is not snobbish about singers.” Harsanyi spoke warmly.
“You’re the only conductor I know who isn't stuck up about singers.” Harsanyi said kindly.
“Dear me, why should I be? They’ve learned from me, and I’ve learned from them.” As they rose, Thomas took the younger man affectionately by the arm. “Tell me about that wife of yours. Is she well, and as lovely as ever? And such fine children! Come to see me oftener, when I get back. I miss it when you don’t.”
“Dear me, why should I be? They've learned from me, and I've learned from them.” As they got up, Thomas affectionately took the younger man by the arm. “Tell me about your wife. Is she doing well and still as lovely as ever? And those wonderful kids! Come visit me more often when I get back. I miss it when you don't.”
The two men left the Auditorium Building together. Harsanyi walked home. Even a short talk with Thomas always stimulated him. As he walked he was recalling an evening they once spent together in Cincinnati.
The two men left the Auditorium Building together. Harsanyi walked home. Even a brief conversation with Thomas always energized him. As he walked, he was remembering an evening they once spent together in Cincinnati.
Harsanyi was the soloist at one of Thomas’s concerts there, and after the performance the conductor had taken him off to a Rathskeller where there was excellent German cooking, and where the proprietor saw to it that Thomas had the best wines procurable. Thomas had been working with the great chorus of the Festival Association and was speaking of it with enthusiasm when Harsanyi asked him how it was that he was able to feel such an interest in choral directing and in voices generally. Thomas seldom spoke of his youth or his early struggles, but that night he turned back the pages and told Harsanyi a long story.
Harsanyi was the soloist at one of Thomas’s concerts there, and after the performance, the conductor took him to a Rathskeller with amazing German food, where the owner made sure that Thomas had the best wines available. Thomas had been working with the large chorus of the Festival Association and was excitedly discussing it when Harsanyi asked him how he developed such a passion for choral directing and voices in general. Thomas rarely talked about his youth or early struggles, but that night he flipped through those memories and shared a long story with Harsanyi.
He said he had spent the summer of his fifteenth year wandering about alone in the South, giving violin concerts in little towns. He traveled on horseback. When he came into a town, he went about all day tacking up posters announcing his concert in the evening. Before the concert, he stood at the door taking in the admission money until his audience had arrived, and then he went on the platform and played. It was a lazy, hand-to-mouth existence, and Thomas said he must have got to like that easy way of living and the relaxing Southern atmosphere. At any rate, when he got back to New York in the fall, he was rather torpid; perhaps he had been growing too fast. From this adolescent drowsiness the lad was awakened by two voices, by two women who sang in New York in 1851,—Jenny Lind and Henrietta Sontag. They were the first great artists he had ever heard, and he never forgot his debt to them.
He said he spent the summer of his fifteenth year wandering around alone in the South, giving violin concerts in small towns. He traveled on horseback. When he arrived in a town, he spent the whole day putting up posters announcing his concert for that evening. Before the concert, he stood at the door collecting the admission fees until his audience showed up, and then he went on stage and played. It was a laid-back, hand-to-mouth lifestyle, and Thomas mentioned that he must have grown fond of that easy way of life and the relaxing Southern vibe. Either way, when he returned to New York in the fall, he felt pretty sluggish; maybe he had been growing too fast. This adolescent laziness was broken by the voices of two women singing in New York in 1851—Jenny Lind and Henrietta Sontag. They were the first great artists he had ever heard, and he always remembered his gratitude to them.
As he said, “It was not voice and execution alone. There was a greatness about them. They were great women, great artists. They opened a new world to me.” Night after night he went to hear them, striving to reproduce the quality of their tone upon his violin. From that time his idea about strings was completely changed, and on his violin he tried always for the singing, vibrating tone, instead of the loud and somewhat harsh tone then prevalent among even the best German violinists. In later years he often advised violinists to study singing, and singers to study violin. He told Harsanyi that he got his first conception of tone quality from Jenny Lind.
As he said, “It wasn’t just their voice and performance. There was something exceptional about them. They were incredible women, incredible artists. They introduced me to a whole new world.” Night after night, he listened to them, working to capture the quality of their tone on his violin. From that point on, his perspective on strings completely changed, and he always aimed for that singing, vibrating tone on his violin, rather than the loud and somewhat rough tone that was common among even the best German violinists at the time. Later on, he frequently advised violinists to study singing and singers to study the violin. He mentioned to Harsanyi that his first understanding of tone quality came from Jenny Lind.
“But, of course,” he added, “the great thing I got from Lind and Sontag was the indefinite, not the definite, thing. For an impressionable boy, their inspiration was incalculable. They gave me my first feeling for the Italian style—but I could never say how much they gave me. At that age, such influences are actually creative. I always think of my artistic consciousness as beginning then.”
“But, of course,” he added, “the amazing thing I got from Lind and Sontag was the vague, not the specific. For a young and impressionable boy, their inspiration was immense. They gave me my first sense of Italian style—but I could never quantify what they gave me. At that age, those influences are truly creative. I always think of my artistic awareness as starting then.”
All his life Thomas did his best to repay what he felt he owed to the singer’s art. No man could get such singing from choruses, and no man worked harder to raise the standard of singing in schools and churches and choral societies.
All his life, Thomas did his best to give back what he felt he owed to the singer’s art. No one could get such singing from choruses, and no one worked harder to improve the standard of singing in schools, churches, and choral societies.
VII
All through the lesson Thea had felt that Harsanyi was restless and abstracted. Before the hour was over, he pushed back his chair and said resolutely, “I am not in the mood, Miss Kronborg. I have something on my mind, and I must talk to you. When do you intend to go home?”
All through the lesson, Thea noticed that Harsanyi seemed restless and lost in thought. Before the hour was up, he pushed back his chair and said firmly, “I’m not in the right mindset, Miss Kronborg. I have something weighing on my mind, and I need to talk to you. When are you planning to go home?”
Thea turned to him in surprise. “The first of June, about. Mr. Larsen will not need me after that, and I have not much money ahead. I shall work hard this summer, though.”
Thea looked at him in surprise. “It’ll be around the first of June. Mr. Larsen won’t need me after that, and I don’t have much money saved up. But I’ll work hard this summer, though.”
“And to-day is the first of May; May-day.” Harsanyi leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands locked between them. “Yes, I must talk to you about something. I have asked Madison Bowers to let me bring you to him on Thursday, at your usual lesson-time. He is the best vocal teacher in Chicago, and it is time you began to work seriously with your voice.”
“And today is the first of May; May Day.” Harsanyi leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped between them. “Yes, I need to talk to you about something. I’ve asked Madison Bowers if I can bring you to him on Thursday, during your usual lesson time. He’s the best vocal teacher in Chicago, and it’s time for you to start working seriously with your voice.”
Thea’s brow wrinkled. “You mean take lessons of Bowers?”
Thea frowned. “You mean take lessons from Bowers?”
Harsanyi nodded, without lifting his head.
Harsanyi nodded without raising his head.
“But I can’t, Mr. Harsanyi. I haven’t got the time, and, besides—” she blushed and drew her shoulders up stiffly—“besides, I can’t afford to pay two teachers.” Thea felt that she had blurted this out in the worst possible way, and she turned back to the keyboard to hide her chagrin.
“But I can’t, Mr. Harsanyi. I don’t have the time, and, besides—” she blushed and stiffened her shoulders—“besides, I can’t afford to pay two teachers.” Thea felt like she had said that in the worst way possible, and she turned back to the keyboard to hide her embarrassment.
“I know that. I don’t mean that you shall pay two teachers. After you go to Bowers you will not need me. I need scarcely tell you that I shan’t be happy at losing you.”
“I know that. I don’t mean that you have to pay two teachers. After you go to Bowers, you won’t need me. I hardly need to say that I won’t be happy about losing you.”
Thea turned to him, hurt and angry. “But I don’t want to go to Bowers. I don’t want to leave you. What’s the matter? Don’t I work hard enough? I’m sure you teach people that don’t try half as hard.”
Thea turned to him, hurt and angry. “But I don’t want to go to Bowers. I don’t want to leave you. What’s the problem? Don’t I work hard enough? I’m sure you teach people who don’t try half as hard.”
Harsanyi rose to his feet. “Don’t misunderstand me, Miss Kronborg. You interest me more than any pupil I have. I have been thinking for months about what you ought to do, since that night when you first sang for me.” He walked over to the window, turned, and came toward her again. “I believe that your voice is worth all that you can put into it. I have not come to this decision rashly. I have studied you, and I have become more and more convinced, against my own desires. I cannot make a singer of you, so it was my business to find a man who could. I have even consulted Theodore Thomas about it.”
Harsanyi stood up. “Don’t get me wrong, Miss Kronborg. You interest me more than any student I have. I’ve been thinking for months about what you should do since that night when you first sang for me.” He walked over to the window, turned, and walked back toward her again. “I truly believe your voice is worth everything you can invest in it. I haven’t come to this conclusion lightly. I’ve studied you, and I've become more and more convinced, despite my own wishes. I can’t make you into a singer, so it was my responsibility to find someone who could. I even consulted Theodore Thomas about it.”
“But suppose I don’t want to be a singer? I want to study with you. What’s the matter? Do you really think I’ve no talent? Can’t I be a pianist?”
“But what if I don’t want to be a singer? I want to study with you. What’s wrong? Do you really think I have no talent? Can’t I be a pianist?”
Harsanyi paced up and down the long rug in front of her. “My girl, you are very talented. You could be a pianist, a good one. But the early training of a pianist, such a pianist as you would want to be, must be something tremendous. He must have had no other life than music. At your age he must be the master of his instrument. Nothing can ever take the place of that first training. You know very well that your technique is good, but it is not remarkable. It will never overtake your intelligence. You have a fine power of work, but you are not by nature a student. You are not by nature, I think, a pianist. You would never find yourself. In the effort to do so, I’m afraid your playing would become warped, eccentric.” He threw back his head and looked at his pupil intently with that one eye which sometimes seemed to see deeper than any two eyes, as if its singleness gave it privileges. “Oh, I have watched you very carefully, Miss Kronborg. Because you had had so little and had yet done so much for yourself, I had a great wish to help you. I believe that the strongest need of your nature is to find yourself, to emerge AS yourself. Until I heard you sing I wondered how you were to do this, but it has grown clearer to me every day.”
Harsanyi paced back and forth on the long rug in front of her. “My girl, you are very talented. You could be a pianist, a really good one. But becoming the kind of pianist you want to be requires extraordinary training. They must have dedicated their whole life to music. By your age, they should be a master of their instrument. Nothing can replace that initial training. You know your technique is good, but it’s not exceptional. It will never surpass your intelligence. You have a great work ethic, but you’re not naturally a student. I don’t think you’re truly a pianist by nature. You might never find your true self. In trying to do so, I’m afraid your playing could become distorted, eccentric.” He tilted his head back and looked at his student intently with that one eye that sometimes seemed to see deeper than two, as if its singularity gave it special insight. “Oh, I’ve watched you very closely, Miss Kronborg. Because you started with so little and have accomplished so much for yourself, I really wanted to help you. I believe that your greatest need is to discover yourself, to truly become yourself. Until I heard you sing, I wasn’t sure how you would do this, but it has become clearer to me every day.”
Thea looked away toward the window with hard, narrow eyes. “You mean I can be a singer because I haven’t brains enough to be a pianist.”
Thea turned her gaze to the window with sharp, narrow eyes. “So you’re saying I can be a singer just because I’m not smart enough to be a pianist.”
“You have brains enough and talent enough. But to do what you will want to do, it takes more than these—it takes vocation. Now, I think you have vocation, but for the voice, not for the piano. If you knew,”—he stopped and sighed,—“if you knew how fortunate I sometimes think you. With the voice the way is so much shorter, the rewards are more easily won. In your voice I think Nature herself did for you what it would take you many years to do at the piano. Perhaps you were not born in the wrong place after all. Let us talk frankly now. We have never done so before, and I have respected your reticence. What you want more than anything else in the world is to be an artist; is that true?”
"You have enough brains and talent. But to achieve what you want to do, you need more than just those—it takes a calling. Now, I believe you have a calling, but for singing, not for playing the piano. If you only knew,"—he paused and sighed—"if you only knew how fortunate I sometimes think you are. With singing, the path is much shorter, and the rewards come more easily. In your voice, I think Nature has given you what it would take you many years to achieve at the piano. Maybe you weren't born in the wrong place after all. Let's speak honestly now. We've never done that before, and I've respected your hesitation. What you desire more than anything else in the world is to be an artist; is that true?"
She turned her face away from him and looked down at the keyboard. Her answer came in a thickened voice. “Yes, I suppose so.”
She turned her face away from him and looked down at the keyboard. Her answer came in a heavy voice. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“When did you first feel that you wanted to be an artist?”
“When did you first realize you wanted to be an artist?”
“I don’t know. There was always—something.”
“I don’t know. There was always—something.”
“Did you never think that you were going to sing?”
“Did you never think that you would sing?”
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
“How long ago was that?”
"How long ago was that?"
“Always, until I came to you. It was you who made me want to play piano.” Her voice trembled. “Before, I tried to think I did, but I was pretending.”
“Always, until I met you. You’re the reason I wanted to play piano.” Her voice shook. “Before, I tried to convince myself I did, but I was just pretending.”
Harsanyi reached out and caught the hand that was hanging at her side. He pressed it as if to give her something. “Can’t you see, my dear girl, that was only because I happened to be the first artist you have ever known? If I had been a trombone player, it would have been the same; you would have wanted to play trombone. But all the while you have been working with such good-will, something has been struggling against me. See, here we were, you and I and this instrument,”—he tapped the piano,—“three good friends, working so hard. But all the while there was something fighting us: your gift, and the woman you were meant to be. When you find your way to that gift and to that woman, you will be at peace. In the beginning it was an artist that you wanted to be; well, you may be an artist, always.”
Harsanyi reached out and took her hand, which was resting at her side. He squeezed it as if he wanted to give her something. “Can’t you see, my dear girl, that it was only because I happened to be the first artist you’ve ever known? If I had been a trombone player, it would have been the same; you would have wanted to play trombone. But all this time you’ve been working with such eagerness, something has been holding you back. Look, here we are, you and I and this instrument,”—he tapped the piano,—“three good friends, working so hard. But there has always been something pushing against us: your talent, and the woman you’re meant to be. When you find your way to that talent and that woman, you will be at peace. In the beginning, you wanted to be an artist; well, you can always be an artist.”
Thea drew a long breath. Her hands fell in her lap. “So I’m just where I began. No teacher, nothing done. No money.”
Thea took a deep breath. Her hands rested in her lap. “So I’m just back where I started. No teacher, nothing accomplished. No money.”
Harsanyi turned away. “Feel no apprehension about the money, Miss Kronborg. Come back in the fall and we shall manage that. I shall even go to Mr. Thomas if necessary. This year will not be lost. If you but knew what an advantage this winter’s study, all your study of the piano, will give you over most singers. Perhaps things have come out better for you than if we had planned them knowingly.”
Harsanyi turned away. “Don’t worry about the money, Miss Kronborg. Come back in the fall, and we’ll figure that out. I’ll even talk to Mr. Thomas if we need to. This year won’t go to waste. If you only knew how much of an edge this winter's study, all your piano practice, will give you over most singers. Maybe things have worked out better for you than if we had planned them intentionally.”
“You mean they have if I can sing.”
“You mean they have if I can sing.”
Thea spoke with a heavy irony, so heavy, indeed, that it was coarse. It grated upon Harsanyi because he felt that it was not sincere, an awkward affectation.
Thea spoke with a strong irony, so strong that it felt rough. It annoyed Harsanyi because he sensed it wasn’t genuine, just an uncomfortable show.
He wheeled toward her. “Miss Kronborg, answer me this. You know that you can sing, do you not? You have always known it. While we worked here together you sometimes said to yourself, ‘I have something you know nothing about; I could surprise you.’ Is that also true?”
He turned to her. “Miss Kronborg, answer me this. You know that you can sing, right? You've always known it. While we were working together here, you sometimes thought to yourself, ‘I have something you don’t know about; I could surprise you.’ Is that true too?”
Thea nodded and hung her head.
Thea nodded and looked down.
“Why were you not frank with me? Did I not deserve it?”
“Why weren’t you honest with me? Didn’t I deserve that?”
She shuddered. Her bent shoulders trembled. “I don’t know,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean to be like that. I couldn’t. I can’t. It’s different.”
She shivered. Her hunched shoulders shook. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to act that way. I couldn’t. I can’t. It’s not the same.”
“You mean it is very personal?” he asked kindly.
“You're saying it's really personal?” he asked gently.
She nodded. “Not at church or funerals, or with people like Mr. Larsen. But with you it was—personal. I’m not like you and Mrs. Harsanyi. I come of rough people. I’m rough. But I’m independent, too. It was—all I had. There is no use my talking, Mr. Harsanyi. I can’t tell you.”
She nodded. “Not at church or funerals, or with people like Mr. Larsen. But with you, it was—personal. I’m not like you and Mrs. Harsanyi. I come from rough people. I’m rough, but I’m independent, too. It was—all I had. There’s no point in me talking, Mr. Harsanyi. I can’t explain it.”
“You needn’t tell me. I know. Every artist knows.” Harsanyi stood looking at his pupil’s back, bent as if she were pushing something, at her lowered head. “You can sing for those people because with them you do not commit yourself. But the reality, one cannot uncover that until one is sure. One can fail one’s self, but one must not live to see that fail; better never reveal it. Let me help you to make yourself sure of it. That I can do better than Bowers.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I know. Every artist knows.” Harsanyi stood watching his pupil’s back, hunched as if she were pushing something, her head bowed. “You can sing for those people because you don't have to commit to them. But the truth, you can't uncover that until you’re certain. You might fail yourself, but you shouldn’t have to witness that failure; it’s better to never show it. Let me help you become sure of it. I can do that better than Bowers.”
Thea lifted her face and threw out her hands.
Thea raised her face and stretched out her arms.
Harsanyi shook his head and smiled. “Oh, promise nothing! You will have much to do. There will not be voice only, but French, German, Italian. You will have work enough. But sometimes you will need to be understood; what you never show to any one will need companionship. And then you must come to me.” He peered into her face with that searching, intimate glance. “You know what I mean, the thing in you that has no business with what is little, that will have to do only with beauty and power.”
Harsanyi shook his head and smiled. “Oh, don’t promise anything! You’ll have plenty to keep you busy. It won’t just be about voice; there will be French, German, and Italian too. You’ll have more than enough work. But sometimes, you’ll need to be understood; the things you hide from everyone else will need companionship. And then you have to come to me.” He looked into her face with that searching, intimate gaze. “You know what I mean, the part of you that has nothing to do with the trivial, that will only connect with beauty and strength.”
Thea threw out her hands fiercely, as if to push him away. She made a sound in her throat, but it was not articulate. Harsanyi took one of her hands and kissed it lightly upon the back. His salute was one of greeting, not of farewell, and it was for some one he had never seen.
Thea threw her hands out angrily, as if trying to push him away. She made a noise in her throat, but it didn’t form any words. Harsanyi took one of her hands and kissed it gently on the back. His gesture was one of greeting, not goodbye, and it was for someone he had never met.
When Mrs. Harsanyi came in at six o’clock, she found her husband sitting listlessly by the window. “Tired?” she asked.
When Mrs. Harsanyi walked in at six o'clock, she found her husband sitting passively by the window. "Feeling tired?" she asked.
“A little. I’ve just got through a difficulty. I’ve sent Miss Kronborg away; turned her over to Bowers, for voice.”
“A little. I’ve just gotten through a tough time. I’ve sent Miss Kronborg away; handed her over to Bowers for voice.”
“Sent Miss Kronborg away? Andor, what is the matter with you?”
“Sent Miss Kronborg away? Andor, what's wrong with you?”
“It’s nothing rash. I’ve known for a long while I ought to do it. She is made for a singer, not a pianist.”
“It’s not a hasty decision. I've known for a long time that I should do it. She’s meant to be a singer, not a pianist.”
Mrs. Harsanyi sat down on the piano chair. She spoke a little bitterly: “How can you be sure of that? She was, at least, the best you had. I thought you meant to have her play at your students’ recital next fall. I am sure she would have made an impression. I could have dressed her so that she would have been very striking. She had so much individuality.”
Mrs. Harsanyi sat down on the piano chair. She spoke a bit bitterly: “How can you be so sure? She was, at least, the best you had. I thought you wanted her to play at your students’ recital next fall. I’m sure she would have left an impression. I could have dressed her in a way that would have made her stand out. She had so much personality.”
Harsanyi bent forward, looking at the floor. “Yes, I know. I shall miss her, of course.”
Harsanyi leaned forward, staring at the floor. “Yeah, I get it. I’ll miss her, obviously.”
Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her husband’s fine head against the gray window. She had never felt deeper tenderness for him than she did at that moment. Her heart ached for him. “You will never get on, Andor,” she said mournfully.
Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her husband's handsome head against the gray window. She had never felt more tenderness for him than she did at that moment. Her heart ached for him. "You will never get ahead, Andor," she said sadly.
Harsanyi sat motionless. “No, I shall never get on,” he repeated quietly. Suddenly he sprang up with that light movement she knew so well, and stood in the window, with folded arms. “But some day I shall be able to look her in the face and laugh because I did what I could for her. I believe in her. She will do nothing common. She is uncommon, in a common, common world. That is what I get out of it. It means more to me than if she played at my concert and brought me a dozen pupils. All this drudgery will kill me if once in a while I cannot hope something, for somebody! If I cannot sometimes see a bird fly and wave my hand to it.”
Harsanyi sat still. “No, I’ll never get through,” he repeated softly. Suddenly, he jumped up with that familiar light movement and stood by the window with his arms crossed. “But one day I’ll be able to look her in the eye and laugh because I did what I could for her. I believe in her. She won’t do anything ordinary. She’s exceptional in this ordinary, ordinary world. That’s what I take away from it. It means more to me than if she performed at my concert and brought me a dozen students. All this work will drain me if I can’t hope for something, for someone, once in a while! If I can’t sometimes see a bird fly and wave to it.”
His tone was angry and injured. Mrs. Harsanyi understood that this was one of the times when his wife was a part of the drudgery, of the “common, common world.”
His tone was angry and hurt. Mrs. Harsanyi realized that this was one of those times when his wife was caught up in the drudgery of the “everyday, ordinary world.”
He had let something he cared for go, and he felt bitterly about whatever was left. The mood would pass, and he would be sorry. She knew him. It wounded her, of course, but that hurt was not new. It was as old as her love for him. She went out and left him alone.
He had let go of something he cared about, and he felt really bitter about what was left. This feeling would fade, and he would regret it. She understood him. It hurt her, of course, but that pain wasn't new. It had been there as long as her love for him. She went out and left him by himself.
VIII
One warm damp June night the Denver Express was speeding westward across the earthy-smelling plains of Iowa. The lights in the day-coach were turned low and the ventilators were open, admitting showers of soot and dust upon the occupants of the narrow green plush chairs which were tilted at various angles of discomfort. In each of these chairs some uncomfortable human being lay drawn up, or stretched out, or writhing from one position to another. There were tired men in rumpled shirts, their necks bare and their suspenders down; old women with their heads tied up in black handkerchiefs; bedraggled young women who went to sleep while they were nursing their babies and forgot to button up their dresses; dirty boys who added to the general discomfort by taking off their boots. The brakeman, when he came through at midnight, sniffed the heavy air disdainfully and looked up at the ventilators. As he glanced down the double rows of contorted figures, he saw one pair of eyes that were wide open and bright, a yellow head that was not overcome by the stupefying heat and smell in the car. “There’s a girl for you,” he thought as he stopped by Thea’s chair.
One warm, damp June night, the Denver Express was speeding west across the earthy-smelling plains of Iowa. The lights in the day-coach were dimmed, and the vents were open, letting in clouds of soot and dust that settled on the passengers in the narrow green plush chairs, which were tilted at awkward angles. Each of these chairs held a person who was either curled up, stretched out, or constantly shifting from one uncomfortable position to another. There were tired men in rumpled shirts with bare necks and hanging suspenders; elderly women with their heads wrapped in black handkerchiefs; disheveled young women who dozed off while nursing their babies and forgot to button their dresses; and messy boys who added to the irritation by taking off their boots. When the brakeman came through at midnight, he sniffed the heavy air with disdain and looked up at the vents. As he glanced down the double rows of twisted figures, he noticed one pair of eyes that were wide open and bright, a yellow head that wasn’t overwhelmed by the stuffy heat and odors in the car. “There’s a girl for you,” he thought as he stopped by Thea’s chair.
“Like to have the window up a little?” he asked.
“Do you want the window open a bit?” he asked.
Thea smiled up at him, not misunderstanding his friendliness. “The girl behind me is sick; she can’t stand a draft. What time is it, please?”
Thea smiled up at him, clearly appreciating his friendliness. “The girl behind me is sick; she can’t handle a draft. What time is it, please?”
He took out his open-faced watch and held it before her eyes with a knowing look. “In a hurry?” he asked. “I’ll leave the end door open and air you out. Catch a wink; the time’ll go faster.”
He pulled out his open-faced watch and held it up in front of her with a knowing smile. “In a rush?” he asked. “I’ll leave the back door open and let some air in. Take a quick nap; the time will pass quicker.”
Thea nodded good-night to him and settled her head back on her pillow, looking up at the oil lamps. She was going back to Moonstone for her summer vacation, and she was sitting up all night in a day-coach because that seemed such an easy way to save money. At her age discomfort was a small matter, when one made five dollars a day by it. She had confidently expected to sleep after the car got quiet, but in the two chairs behind her were a sick girl and her mother, and the girl had been coughing steadily since ten o’clock. They had come from somewhere in Pennsylvania, and this was their second night on the road. The mother said they were going to Colorado “for her daughter’s lungs.” The daughter was a little older than Thea, perhaps nineteen, with patient dark eyes and curly brown hair. She was pretty in spite of being so sooty and travel-stained. She had put on an ugly figured satine kimono over her loosened clothes. Thea, when she boarded the train in Chicago, happened to stop and plant her heavy telescope on this seat. She had not intended to remain there, but the sick girl had looked up at her with an eager smile and said, “Do sit there, miss. I’d so much rather not have a gentleman in front of me.”
Thea nodded goodnight to him and settled her head back on her pillow, gazing up at the oil lamps. She was heading back to Moonstone for her summer vacation, sitting up all night in a day-coach because it seemed like an easy way to save money. At her age, discomfort was a minor issue, especially when she was making five dollars a day. She had confidently expected to sleep after the car quieted down, but in the two seats behind her were a sick girl and her mother, and the girl had been coughing steadily since ten o'clock. They had come from somewhere in Pennsylvania, and this was their second night on the road. The mother said they were going to Colorado “for her daughter’s lungs.” The daughter was a little older than Thea, maybe nineteen, with patient dark eyes and curly brown hair. She was pretty despite being so dirty and travel-stained. She had thrown on an ugly patterned satin kimono over her loose clothes. When Thea boarded the train in Chicago, she happened to stop and put her heavy telescope on this seat. She hadn't planned to stay there, but the sick girl looked up at her with an eager smile and said, “Please sit there, miss. I’d so much rather not have a guy in front of me.”
After the girl began to cough there were no empty seats left, and if there had been Thea could scarcely have changed without hurting her feelings. The mother turned on her side and went to sleep; she was used to the cough. But the girl lay wide awake, her eyes fixed on the roof of the car, as Thea’s were. The two girls must have seen very different things there.
After the girl started to cough, there weren’t any empty seats available, and even if there were, Thea could hardly have moved without upsetting her. The mother rolled over and fell asleep; she was used to the cough. But the girl stayed wide awake, her eyes glued to the ceiling of the car, just like Thea’s. The two girls must have been seeing very different things up there.
Thea fell to going over her winter in Chicago. It was only under unusual or uncomfortable conditions like these that she could keep her mind fixed upon herself or her own affairs for any length of time. The rapid motion and the vibration of the wheels under her seemed to give her thoughts rapidity and clearness. She had taken twenty very expensive lessons from Madison Bowers, but she did not yet know what he thought of her or of her ability. He was different from any man with whom she had ever had to do. With her other teachers she had felt a personal relation; but with him she did not. Bowers was a cold, bitter, avaricious man, but he knew a great deal about voices. He worked with a voice as if he were in a laboratory, conducting a series of experiments. He was conscientious and industrious, even capable of a certain cold fury when he was working with an interesting voice, but Harsanyi declared that he had the soul of a shrimp, and could no more make an artist than a throat specialist could. Thea realized that he had taught her a great deal in twenty lessons.
Thea started reflecting on her winter in Chicago. It was only in unusual or uncomfortable situations like this that she could focus on herself and her own life for any real amount of time. The fast movement and the vibration of the wheels beneath her seemed to make her thoughts quicker and clearer. She had taken twenty very pricey lessons from Madison Bowers, but she still didn’t know what he thought of her or her skills. He was unlike any man she had worked with before. With her other teachers, she had felt a personal connection, but not with him. Bowers was a cold, bitter, money-driven man, but he knew a lot about voices. He treated a voice like it was an experiment in a lab, running a series of tests. He was diligent and hardworking, even capable of a certain cold anger when he was working with an interesting voice, but Harsanyi said he had the spirit of a shrimp and couldn’t create an artist any more than a throat specialist could. Thea recognized that he had taught her a lot in those twenty lessons.
Although she cared so much less for Bowers than for Harsanyi, Thea was, on the whole, happier since she had been studying with him than she had been before. She had always told herself that she studied piano to fit herself to be a music teacher. But she never asked herself why she was studying voice. Her voice, more than any other part of her, had to do with that confidence, that sense of wholeness and inner well-being that she had felt at moments ever since she could remember.
Although she cared a lot less for Bowers than for Harsanyi, Thea was, overall, happier since she had been studying with him than she had been before. She had always told herself that she studied piano to prepare to be a music teacher. But she never questioned why she was studying voice. Her voice, more than any other part of her, was tied to that confidence, that sense of completeness and inner well-being that she had experienced at moments for as long as she could remember.
Of this feeling Thea had never spoken to any human being until that day when she told Harsanyi that “there had always been—something.” Hitherto she had felt but one obligation toward it—secrecy; to protect it even from herself. She had always believed that by doing all that was required of her by her family, her teachers, her pupils, she kept that part of herself from being caught up in the meshes of common things. She took it for granted that some day, when she was older, she would know a great deal more about it. It was as if she had an appointment to meet the rest of herself sometime, somewhere. It was moving to meet her and she was moving to meet it. That meeting awaited her, just as surely as, for the poor girl in the seat behind her, there awaited a hole in the earth, already dug.
Of this feeling, Thea had never talked to anyone until the day she told Harsanyi that “there had always been—something.” Until then, she had felt only one obligation to it—secrecy; to protect it even from herself. She had always believed that by doing everything her family, teachers, and students expected of her, she kept that part of herself safe from being trapped in mundane things. She assumed that someday, when she was older, she would understand it much better. It was as if she had an appointment to meet the rest of herself at some time and place. It was exciting to meet her, and she was eager to meet it. That meeting awaited her, just as certainly as, for the poor girl in the seat behind her, there awaited a hole in the earth, already dug.
For Thea, so much had begun with a hole in the earth. Yes, she reflected, this new part of her life had all begun that morning when she sat on the clay bank beside Ray Kennedy, under the flickering shade of the cottonwood tree. She remembered the way Ray had looked at her that morning. Why had he cared so much? And Wunsch, and Dr. Archie, and Spanish Johnny, why had they? It was something that had to do with her that made them care, but it was not she. It was something they believed in, but it was not she. Perhaps each of them concealed another person in himself, just as she did. Why was it that they seemed to feel and to hunt for a second person in her and not in each other? Thea frowned up at the dull lamp in the roof of the car. What if one’s second self could somehow speak to all these second selves? What if one could bring them out, as whiskey did Spanish Johnny’s? How deep they lay, these second persons, and how little one knew about them, except to guard them fiercely. It was to music, more than to anything else, that these hidden things in people responded. Her mother—even her mother had something of that sort which replied to music.
For Thea, everything had started with a hole in the ground. She reflected that this new chapter of her life had all begun that morning when she sat on the clay bank next to Ray Kennedy, under the flickering shade of the cottonwood tree. She remembered how Ray had looked at her that morning. Why had he cared so much? And Wunsch, Dr. Archie, and Spanish Johnny—why had they cared? There was something about her that made them care, but it wasn’t truly her. It was something they believed in, but it wasn’t her. Maybe each of them hid another person inside themselves, just like she did. Why did they seem to sense and search for a second person in her and not in each other? Thea frowned at the dull light in the car ceiling. What if one’s second self could somehow communicate with all these other second selves? What if one could bring them out, like whiskey did for Spanish Johnny? How deep these second selves were buried, and how little one knew about them, except to protect them fiercely. It was to music, more than anything else, that these hidden parts of people responded. Her mother—even her mother had something like that which responded to music.
Thea found herself listening for the coughing behind her and not hearing it. She turned cautiously and looked back over the head-rest of her chair. The poor girl had fallen asleep. Thea looked at her intently. Why was she so afraid of men? Why did she shrink into herself and avert her face whenever a man passed her chair? Thea thought she knew; of course, she knew. How horrible to waste away like that, in the time when one ought to be growing fuller and stronger and rounder every day. Suppose there were such a dark hole open for her, between to-night and that place where she was to meet herself? Her eyes narrowed. She put her hand on her breast and felt how warm it was; and within it there was a full, powerful pulsation. She smiled—though she was ashamed of it—with the natural contempt of strength for weakness, with the sense of physical security which makes the savage merciless. Nobody could die while they felt like that inside. The springs there were wound so tight that it would be a long while before there was any slack in them. The life in there was rooted deep. She was going to have a few things before she died. She realized that there were a great many trains dashing east and west on the face of the continent that night, and that they all carried young people who meant to have things. But the difference was that she was going to get them! That was all. Let people try to stop her! She glowered at the rows of feckless bodies that lay sprawled in the chairs. Let them try it once! Along with the yearning that came from some deep part of her, that was selfless and exalted, Thea had a hard kind of cockiness, a determination to get ahead. Well, there are passages in life when that fierce, stubborn self-assertion will stand its ground after the nobler feeling is overwhelmed and beaten under.
Thea found herself listening for the coughing behind her and not hearing it. She turned cautiously and looked back over the headrest of her chair. The poor girl had fallen asleep. Thea looked at her intently. Why was she so afraid of men? Why did she shrink into herself and turn her face away whenever a man passed her chair? Thea thought she knew; of course, she knew. How awful to waste away like that, at a time when one should be growing fuller and stronger and rounder every day. What if there was such a dark hole open for her, between tonight and that place where she was supposed to meet her true self? Her eyes narrowed. She put her hand on her chest and felt how warm it was; and there was a strong, powerful pulsation within it. She smiled—though she felt ashamed of it—with the natural contempt of strength for weakness, with that sense of physical security that makes the savage merciless. Nobody could die feeling like that inside. The springs there were wound so tight that it would be a long time before there was any slack in them. The life in there was deeply rooted. She was going to have a few things before she died. She realized that there were many trains racing east and west across the continent that night, carrying young people who intended to get what they wanted. But the difference was that she was going to get them! That was it. Let people try to stop her! She glared at the rows of aimless bodies sprawled in the chairs. Let them try it once! Along with the yearning that came from some deep part of her, that was selfless and elevated, Thea had a tough kind of confidence, a determination to succeed. Well, there are moments in life when that fierce, stubborn self-assertion will hold its ground even when the nobler feeling is overwhelmed and beaten down.
Having told herself once more that she meant to grab a few things, Thea went to sleep.
Having reminded herself once again that she intended to grab a few things, Thea went to sleep.
She was wakened in the morning by the sunlight, which beat fiercely through the glass of the car window upon her face. She made herself as clean as she could, and while the people all about her were getting cold food out of their lunch-baskets she escaped into the dining-car. Her thrift did not go to the point of enabling her to carry a lunchbasket. At that early hour there were few people in the dining-car. The linen was white and fresh, the darkies were trim and smiling, and the sunlight gleamed pleasantly upon the silver and the glass water-bottles. On each table there was a slender vase with a single pink rose in it. When Thea sat down she looked into her rose and thought it the most beautiful thing in the world; it was wide open, recklessly offering its yellow heart, and there were drops of water on the petals. All the future was in that rose, all that one would like to be. The flower put her in an absolutely regal mood. She had a whole pot of coffee, and scrambled eggs with chopped ham, utterly disregarding the astonishing price they cost. She had faith enough in what she could do, she told herself, to have eggs if she wanted them. At the table opposite her sat a man and his wife and little boy—Thea classified them as being “from the East.” They spoke in that quick, sure staccato, which Thea, like Ray Kennedy, pretended to scorn and secretly admired. People who could use words in that confident way, and who spoke them elegantly, had a great advantage in life, she reflected. There were so many words which she could not pronounce in speech as she had to do in singing. Language was like clothes; it could be a help to one, or it could give one away. But the most important thing was that one should not pretend to be what one was not.
She was awakened in the morning by the sunlight, which beat down fiercely through the car window onto her face. She made herself as clean as she could, and while people around her were pulling cold food from their lunch baskets, she slipped away to the dining car. She was thrifty but not to the extent of bringing a lunch basket. At that early hour, there were only a few people in the dining car. The linens were white and fresh, the staff was neat and smiling, and sunlight sparkled pleasantly on the silver and glass water bottles. Each table had a slender vase with a single pink rose in it. When Thea sat down, she gazed into her rose and thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world; it was fully open, boldly revealing its yellow center, with drops of water on the petals. Everything she hoped for in the future was captured in that rose; it made her feel absolutely regal. She ordered a whole pot of coffee and scrambled eggs with chopped ham, completely unbothered by the outrageous cost. She had enough faith in her abilities, she told herself, to treat herself to eggs if she wanted them. At the table across from her sat a man, his wife, and their little boy—Thea classified them as being “from the East.” They spoke in that quick, confident staccato that Thea, like Ray Kennedy, pretended to disdain but secretly admired. People who could express themselves so confidently and elegantly had a huge advantage in life, she thought. There were so many words she couldn’t pronounce when speaking as she could while singing. Language was like clothing; it could be a support or it could expose someone. But the most important thing was to never pretend to be something one was not.
When she paid her check she consulted the waiter. “Waiter, do you suppose I could buy one of those roses? I’m out of the day-coach, and there is a sick girl in there. I’d like to take her a cup of coffee and one of those flowers.”
When she paid her bill, she asked the waiter, “Excuse me, do you think I could buy one of those roses? I’m coming from the day-coach, and there’s a sick girl in there. I’d like to bring her a cup of coffee and one of those flowers.”
The waiter liked nothing better than advising travelers less sophisticated than himself. He told Thea there were a few roses left in the icebox and he would get one. He took the flower and the coffee into the day-coach. Thea pointed out the girl, but she did not accompany him. She hated thanks and never received them gracefully. She stood outside on the platform to get some fresh air into her lungs. The train was crossing the Platte River now, and the sunlight was so intense that it seemed to quiver in little flames on the glittering sandbars, the scrub willows, and the curling, fretted shallows.
The waiter enjoyed nothing more than giving advice to travelers who were less worldly than he was. He told Thea that there were a few roses left in the icebox and he would get one for her. He took the flower and the coffee into the day-coach. Thea pointed out the girl, but she didn’t go with him. She disliked thank-yous and never accepted them gracefully. She stood outside on the platform to get some fresh air. The train was now crossing the Platte River, and the sunlight was so bright that it seemed to shimmer like little flames on the sparkling sandbars, the scrub willows, and the swirling, shallow waters.
Thea felt that she was coming back to her own land. She had often heard Mrs. Kronborg say that she “believed in immigration,” and so did Thea believe in it. This earth seemed to her young and fresh and kindly, a place where refugees from old, sad countries were given another chance. The mere absence of rocks gave the soil a kind of amiability and generosity, and the absence of natural boundaries gave the spirit a wider range. Wire fences might mark the end of a man’s pasture, but they could not shut in his thoughts as mountains and forests can. It was over flat lands like this, stretching out to drink the sun, that the larks sang—and one’s heart sang there, too. Thea was glad that this was her country, even if one did not learn to speak elegantly there. It was, somehow, an honest country, and there was a new song in that blue air which had never been sung in the world before. It was hard to tell about it, for it had nothing to do with words; it was like the light of the desert at noon, or the smell of the sagebrush after rain; intangible but powerful. She had the sense of going back to a friendly soil, whose friendship was somehow going to strengthen her; a naive, generous country that gave one its joyous force, its large-hearted, childlike power to love, just as it gave one its coarse, brilliant flowers.
Thea felt like she was returning to her own land. She had often heard Mrs. Kronborg say that she “believed in immigration,” and Thea believed in it too. This earth seemed young and fresh and kind to her, a place where refugees from old, sad countries were given another chance. The simple lack of rocks made the soil feel friendly and generous, and the absence of natural borders gave her spirit a broader range. Wire fences might mark the edge of a man's pasture, but they couldn't confine his thoughts like mountains and forests could. It was over flat lands like this, spreading out to soak up the sun, that the larks sang—and so did her heart. Thea was happy that this was her country, even if people didn’t learn to speak elegantly there. It was, in a way, an honest country, and there was a new song in that blue air that had never been sung before. It was hard to describe, because it had nothing to do with words; it was like the bright light of the desert at noon, or the scent of sagebrush after rain; intangible but strong. She felt like she was returning to a welcoming soil, whose kindness was somehow going to empower her; a sincere, generous country that gave its joyful energy, its big-hearted, childlike ability to love, just as it gave its vibrant, rough flowers.
As she drew in that glorious air Thea’s mind went back to Ray Kennedy. He, too, had that feeling of empire; as if all the Southwest really belonged to him because he had knocked about over it so much, and knew it, as he said, “like the blisters on his own hands.” That feeling, she reflected, was the real element of companionship between her and Ray. Now that she was going back to Colorado, she realized this as she had not done before.
As she breathed in that beautiful air, Thea's thoughts turned to Ray Kennedy. He had that same sense of ownership; it was like all of the Southwest was his because he had traveled around it so much and knew it, as he put it, “like the blisters on his own hands.” Thea realized this feeling was the true connection between her and Ray. Now that she was heading back to Colorado, she understood this more clearly than before.
IX
Thea reached Moonstone in the late afternoon, and all the Kronborgs were there to meet her except her two older brothers. Gus and Charley were young men now, and they had declared at noon that it would “look silly if the whole bunch went down to the train.” “There’s no use making a fuss over Thea just because she’s been to Chicago,” Charley warned his mother. “She’s inclined to think pretty well of herself, anyhow, and if you go treating her like company, there’ll be no living in the house with her.” Mrs. Kronborg simply leveled her eyes at Charley, and he faded away, muttering. She had, as Mr. Kronborg always said with an inclination of his head, good control over her children. Anna, too, wished to absent herself from the party, but in the end her curiosity got the better of her. So when Thea stepped down from the porter’s stool, a very creditable Kronborg representation was grouped on the platform to greet her. After they had all kissed her (Gunner and Axel shyly), Mr. Kronborg hurried his flock into the hotel omnibus, in which they were to be driven ceremoniously home, with the neighbors looking out of their windows to see them go by.
Thea arrived in Moonstone in the late afternoon, and everyone in the Kronborg family was there to greet her except for her two older brothers. Gus and Charley had grown into young men, and they decided around noon that it would "look silly if the whole group went down to the train." "There's no point in making a big deal out of Thea just because she's been to Chicago," Charley warned their mother. "She already thinks pretty highly of herself, and if you treat her like a guest, there won’t be any peace in the house with her." Mrs. Kronborg simply narrowed her eyes at Charley, and he backed down, muttering. Mr. Kronborg often said, with a nod of his head, that she had good control over their children. Anna also wanted to skip the gathering, but in the end, her curiosity won out. So when Thea stepped down from the porter’s stool, a respectable group of Kronborgs was gathered on the platform to welcome her. After they all greeted her with kisses (Gunner and Axel being shy), Mr. Kronborg quickly ushered his family into the hotel shuttle, where they would be driven home in style, while neighbors peeked out of their windows to watch them pass.
All the family talked to her at once, except Thor,—impressive in new trousers,—who was gravely silent and who refused to sit on Thea’s lap. One of the first things Anna told her was that Maggie Evans, the girl who used to cough in prayer meeting, died yesterday, and had made a request that Thea sing at her funeral.
All the family spoke to her at the same time, except Thor—looking sharp in new trousers—who stayed quiet and wouldn’t sit on Thea’s lap. One of the first things Anna told her was that Maggie Evans, the girl who used to cough during prayer meetings, passed away yesterday and had requested that Thea sing at her funeral.
Thea’s smile froze. “I’m not going to sing at all this summer, except my exercises. Bowers says I taxed my voice last winter, singing at funerals so much. If I begin the first day after I get home, there’ll be no end to it. You can tell them I caught cold on the train, or something.”
Thea’s smile stiffened. “I’m not singing at all this summer, except for my exercises. Bowers says I strained my voice last winter from singing at all the funerals. If I start the first day I get home, it will never stop. You can just tell them I caught a cold on the train or something.”
Thea saw Anna glance at their mother. Thea remembered having seen that look on Anna’s face often before, but she had never thought anything about it because she was used to it. Now she realized that the look was distinctly spiteful, even vindictive. She suddenly realized that Anna had always disliked her.
Thea noticed Anna looking at their mom. Thea remembered seeing that expression on Anna's face many times before, but she never thought much of it because she was used to it. Now she understood that the look was clearly spiteful, even vengeful. She suddenly realized that Anna had always held a grudge against her.
Mrs. Kronborg seemed to notice nothing, and changed the trend of the conversation, telling Thea that Dr. Archie and Mr. Upping, the jeweler, were both coming in to see her that evening, and that she had asked Spanish Johnny to come, because he had behaved well all winter and ought to be encouraged.
Mrs. Kronborg didn’t seem to notice anything and shifted the conversation, telling Thea that Dr. Archie and Mr. Upping, the jeweler, were both coming to see her that evening, and that she had invited Spanish Johnny to come since he had behaved well all winter and deserved to be encouraged.
The next morning Thea wakened early in her own room up under the eaves and lay watching the sunlight shine on the roses of her wall-paper. She wondered whether she would ever like a plastered room as well as this one lined with scantlings. It was snug and tight, like the cabin of a little boat. Her bed faced the window and stood against the wall, under the slant of the ceiling. When she went away she could just touch the ceiling with the tips of her fingers; now she could touch it with the palm of her hand. It was so little that it was like a sunny cave, with roses running all over the roof. Through the low window, as she lay there, she could watch people going by on the farther side of the street; men, going downtown to open their stores. Thor was over there, rattling his express wagon along the sidewalk. Tillie had put a bunch of French pinks in a tumbler of water on her dresser, and they gave out a pleasant perfume. The blue jays were fighting and screeching in the cottonwood tree outside her window, as they always did, and she could hear the old Baptist deacon across the street calling his chickens, as she had heard him do every summer morning since she could remember. It was pleasant to waken up in that bed, in that room, and to feel the brightness of the morning, while light quivered about the low, papered ceiling in golden spots, refracted by the broken mirror and the glass of water that held the pinks. “Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen”; those lines, and the face of her old teacher, came back to Thea, floated to her out of sleep, perhaps. She had been dreaming something pleasant, but she could not remember what. She would go to call upon Mrs. Kohler to-day, and see the pigeons washing their pink feet in the drip under the water tank, and flying about their house that was sure to have a fresh coat of white paint on it for summer. On the way home she would stop to see Mrs. Tellamantez. On Sunday she would coax Gunner to take her out to the sand hills. She had missed them in Chicago; had been homesick for their brilliant morning gold and for their soft colors at evening. The Lake, somehow, had never taken their place.
The next morning, Thea woke up early in her own room under the eaves and lay there watching the sunlight shine on the roses of her wallpaper. She wondered if she would ever like a plastered room as much as this one lined with wood. It was cozy and tight, like the cabin of a small boat. Her bed faced the window and was pushed against the wall, under the slant of the ceiling. When she sat up, she could barely touch the ceiling with her fingertips; now she could reach it with the palm of her hand. It was so small that it felt like a sunny cave, with roses all over the ceiling. Through the low window, as she lay there, she could see people walking by on the other side of the street—men heading downtown to open their stores. Thor was over there, rattling his delivery wagon along the sidewalk. Tillie had put a bunch of pink flowers in a glass of water on her dresser, and they gave off a nice fragrance. The blue jays were squawking and fighting in the cottonwood tree outside her window, as they always did, and she could hear the old Baptist deacon across the street calling his chickens, just like she had heard him do every summer morning for as long as she could remember. It felt nice to wake up in that bed, in that room, and to feel the brightness of the morning, with light shimmering around the low, papered ceiling in golden spots, reflected by the broken mirror and the glass of water holding the flowers. “Im leuchtenden Sommermorgen”; those lines, along with the face of her old teacher, came back to Thea, drifting to her out of her sleep, perhaps. She had been dreaming something nice, but she couldn’t remember what. She planned to visit Mrs. Kohler today, to see the pigeons washing their pink feet in the drip under the water tank and flying around their house, which would surely have a fresh coat of white paint for summer. On her way home, she would stop to see Mrs. Tellamantez. On Sunday, she would convince Gunner to take her out to the sand hills. She had missed them in Chicago; she had been homesick for their bright morning gold and their soft colors in the evening. The Lake, somehow, had never filled that void.
While she lay planning, relaxed in warm drowsiness, she heard a knock at her door. She supposed it was Tillie, who sometimes fluttered in on her before she was out of bed to offer some service which the family would have ridiculed. But instead, Mrs. Kronborg herself came in, carrying a tray with Thea’s breakfast set out on one of the best white napkins. Thea sat up with some embarrassment and pulled her nightgown together across her chest. Mrs. Kronborg was always busy downstairs in the morning, and Thea could not remember when her mother had come to her room before.
While she lay there, planning and feeling warm and drowsy, she heard a knock at her door. She thought it was Tillie, who sometimes popped in before she got out of bed to offer some help that the family would have mocked. But instead, Mrs. Kronborg herself walked in, carrying a tray with Thea’s breakfast laid out on one of the best white napkins. Thea sat up, a bit embarrassed, and pulled her nightgown together over her chest. Mrs. Kronborg was always busy downstairs in the morning, and Thea couldn’t remember the last time her mom had come to her room.
“I thought you’d be tired, after traveling, and might like to take it easy for once.” Mrs. Kronborg put the tray on the edge of the bed. “I took some thick cream for you before the boys got at it. They raised a howl.” She chuckled and sat down in the big wooden rocking chair. Her visit made Thea feel grown-up, and, somehow, important.
“I thought you’d be tired after traveling and might want to relax for once.” Mrs. Kronborg set the tray on the edge of the bed. “I saved some thick cream for you before the boys could get to it. They made quite a fuss.” She laughed and sat down in the big wooden rocking chair. Her visit made Thea feel grown-up and, in a way, important.
Mrs. Kronborg asked her about Bowers and the Harsanyis. She felt a great change in Thea, in her face and in her manner. Mr. Kronborg had noticed it, too, and had spoken of it to his wife with great satisfaction while they were undressing last night. Mrs. Kronborg sat looking at her daughter, who lay on her side, supporting herself on her elbow and lazily drinking her coffee from the tray before her. Her short-sleeved nightgown had come open at the throat again, and Mrs. Kronborg noticed how white her arms and shoulders were, as if they had been dipped in new milk. Her chest was fuller than when she went away, her breasts rounder and firmer, and though she was so white where she was uncovered, they looked rosy through the thin muslin. Her body had the elasticity that comes of being highly charged with the desire to live. Her hair, hanging in two loose braids, one by either cheek, was just enough disordered to catch the light in all its curly ends.
Mrs. Kronborg asked her about Bowers and the Harsanyis. She sensed a significant change in Thea, in her face and her demeanor. Mr. Kronborg had noticed it too and had mentioned it to his wife with pleasure while they were getting ready for bed last night. Mrs. Kronborg sat and looked at her daughter, who was lying on her side, propped up on her elbow and lazily sipping her coffee from the tray in front of her. Her short-sleeved nightgown had loosened at the throat again, and Mrs. Kronborg noticed how pale her arms and shoulders were, as if they had been dipped in fresh milk. Her chest was fuller than when she had left, her breasts rounder and firmer, and although her skin was so pale where it was exposed, they looked rosy through the delicate muslin. Her body had that springiness that comes with being filled with a desire to live. Her hair, falling in two loose braids, one on either side of her face, was just disheveled enough to catch the light at all its curly ends.
Thea always woke with a pink flush on her cheeks, and this morning her mother thought she had never seen her eyes so wide-open and bright; like clear green springs in the wood, when the early sunlight sparkles in them. She would make a very handsome woman, Mrs. Kronborg said to herself, if she would only get rid of that fierce look she had sometimes. Mrs. Kronborg took great pleasure in good looks, wherever she found them. She still remembered that, as a baby, Thea had been the “best-formed” of any of her children.
Thea always woke up with a rosy glow on her cheeks, and this morning her mother thought she had never seen her eyes so wide open and bright; like clear green springs in the woods, sparkling in the early sunlight. Mrs. Kronborg thought to herself that she would become a very attractive woman if she could just lose that fierce expression she sometimes had. Mrs. Kronborg really appreciated good looks, no matter where she saw them. She still recalled that, as a baby, Thea had been the “best-formed” of all her children.
“I’ll have to get you a longer bed,” she remarked, as she put the tray on the table. “You’re getting too long for that one.”
“I'll need to get you a longer bed,” she said, as she set the tray on the table. “You're getting too tall for that one.”
Thea looked up at her mother and laughed, dropping back on her pillow with a magnificent stretch of her whole body. Mrs. Kronborg sat down again.
Thea looked up at her mom and laughed, then flopped back onto her pillow with a big stretch of her entire body. Mrs. Kronborg sat down again.
“I don’t like to press you, Thea, but I think you’d better sing at that funeral to-morrow. I’m afraid you’ll always be sorry if you don’t. Sometimes a little thing like that, that seems nothing at the time, comes back on one afterward and troubles one a good deal. I don’t mean the church shall run you to death this summer, like they used to. I’ve spoken my mind to your father about that, and he’s very reasonable. But Maggie talked a good deal about you to people this winter; always asked what word we’d had, and said how she missed your singing and all. I guess you ought to do that much for her.”
“I don’t want to pressure you, Thea, but I think it’s best if you sing at that funeral tomorrow. I’m afraid you might regret it if you don’t. Sometimes, small things that seem insignificant at the moment come back to haunt us later. I don’t want the church to overwhelm you this summer like they used to. I’ve told your dad how I feel about that, and he’s very understanding. But Maggie talked a lot about you to people this winter; she always asked what updates we had and mentioned how much she missed your singing. I think you should do this for her.”
“All right, mother, if you think so.” Thea lay looking at her mother with intensely bright eyes.
“All right, Mom, if you think so.” Thea lay there, looking at her mother with intensely bright eyes.
“That’s right, daughter.” Mrs. Kronborg rose and went over to get the tray, stopping to put her hand on Thea’s chest. “You’re filling out nice,” she said, feeling about. “No, I wouldn’t bother about the buttons. Leave ’em stay off. This is a good time to harden your chest.”
"That's right, sweetheart." Mrs. Kronborg stood up and went to get the tray, pausing to place her hand on Thea's chest. "You're growing up nicely," she said, feeling around. "No, don't worry about the buttons. Just leave them off. This is a good time to toughen up your chest."
Thea lay still and heard her mother’s firm step receding along the bare floor of the trunk loft. There was no sham about her mother, she reflected. Her mother knew a great many things of which she never talked, and all the church people were forever chattering about things of which they knew nothing. She liked her mother.
Thea lay still and listened to her mother’s firm steps fading away along the bare floor of the attic. There was nothing fake about her mother, she thought. Her mother understood a lot of things she never discussed, while all the church people were always talking about things they had no clue about. She liked her mother.
Now for Mexican Town and the Kohlers! She meant to run in on the old woman without warning, and hug her.
Now it's time for Mexican Town and the Kohlers! She planned to surprise the old woman with a visit and give her a hug.
X
Spanish Johnny had no shop of his own, but he kept a table and an order-book in one corner of the drug store where paints and wall-paper were sold, and he was sometimes to be found there for an hour or so about noon. Thea had gone into the drug store to have a friendly chat with the proprietor, who used to lend her books from his shelves. She found Johnny there, trimming rolls of wall-paper for the parlor of Banker Smith’s new house. She sat down on the top of his table and watched him.
Spanish Johnny didn't have his own shop, but he set up a table and order book in one corner of the drug store that sold paints and wallpaper. He could often be found there for about an hour around noon. Thea had gone into the drug store for a friendly chat with the owner, who used to lend her books from his shelves. She found Johnny there, cutting rolls of wallpaper for Banker Smith’s new house. She sat on top of his table and watched him.
“Johnny,” she said suddenly, “I want you to write down the words of that Mexican serenade you used to sing; you know, ‘Rosa de Noche.’ It’s an unusual song. I’m going to study it. I know enough Spanish for that.”
“Johnny,” she said suddenly, “I want you to write down the lyrics to that Mexican serenade you used to sing; you know, ‘Rosa de Noche.’ It’s a unique song. I’m going to study it. I know enough Spanish for that.”
Johnny looked up from his roller with his bright, affable smile. “Si, but it is low for you, I think; voz contralto. It is low for me.”
Johnny looked up from his roller with his bright, friendly smile. “Yeah, but I think it’s low for you; contralto. It’s low for me.”
“Nonsense. I can do more with my low voice than I used to. I’ll show you. Sit down and write it out for me, please.” Thea beckoned him with the short yellow pencil tied to his order-book.
“Nonsense. I can do more with my low voice than I used to. I’ll show you. Sit down and write it out for me, please.” Thea waved him over with the short yellow pencil tied to his order book.
Johnny ran his fingers through his curly black hair. “If you wish. I do not know if that serenata all right for young ladies. Down there it is more for married ladies. They sing it for husbands—or somebody else, may-bee.” Johnny’s eyes twinkled and he apologized gracefully with his shoulders. He sat down at the table, and while Thea looked over his arm, began to write the song down in a long, slanting script, with highly ornamental capitals. Presently he looked up. “This-a song not exactly Mexican,” he said thoughtfully. “It come from farther down; Brazil, Venezuela, may-bee. I learn it from some fellow down there, and he learn it from another fellow. It is-a most like Mexican, but not quite.” Thea did not release him, but pointed to the paper. There were three verses of the song in all, and when Johnny had written them down, he sat looking at them meditatively, his head on one side. “I don’ think for a high voice, señorita,” he objected with polite persistence. “How you accompany with piano?”
Johnny ran his fingers through his curly black hair. “If you want. I’m not sure if that serenata is appropriate for young ladies. Down there, it's more for married women. They sing it for husbands—or someone else, maybe.” Johnny’s eyes sparkled as he shrugged apologetically. He sat down at the table, and while Thea leaned over his arm, he started to write the song in a long, slanted script with fancy capital letters. After a moment, he looked up. “This song isn’t exactly Mexican,” he said thoughtfully. “It comes from further down; Brazil, Venezuela, maybe. I learned it from some guy down there, and he learned it from another guy. It’s a lot like Mexican, but not quite.” Thea kept her gaze on him but pointed to the paper. There were three verses of the song in total, and when Johnny had finished writing them down, he stared at them thoughtfully, his head tilted to one side. “I don’t think it's suited for a high voice, señorita,” he said with polite insistence. “How do you want to accompany it with piano?”
“Oh, that will be easy enough.”
“Oh, that’ll be really easy.”
“For you, may-bee!” Johnny smiled and drummed on the table with the tips of his agile brown fingers. “You know something? Listen, I tell you.” He rose and sat down on the table beside her, putting his foot on the chair. He loved to talk at the hour of noon. “When you was a little girl, no bigger than that, you come to my house one day ’bout noon, like this, and I was in the door, playing guitar. You was barehead, barefoot; you run away from home. You stand there and make a frown at me an’ listen. By ’n by you say for me to sing. I sing some lil’ ting, and then I say for you to sing with me. You don’ know no words, of course, but you take the air and you sing it justa beauti-ful! I never see a child do that, outside Mexico. You was, oh, I do’ know—seven year, may-bee. By ’n by the preacher come look for you and begin for scold. I say, ‘Don’ scold, Meester Kronborg. She come for hear guitar. She gotta some music in her, that child. Where she get?’ Then he tell me ’bout your gran’papa play oboe in the old country. I never forgetta that time.” Johnny chuckled softly.
“For you, maybe!” Johnny smiled and tapped his fingers on the table rhythmically. “You know something? Listen, I’ll tell you.” He stood up and sat on the table next to her, resting his foot on the chair. He loved chatting at noon. “When you were a little girl, no bigger than that, you came to my house one day around noon, like this, and I was at the door playing guitar. You were bareheaded and barefoot; you had run away from home. You stood there, frowning at me and listening. After a while, you asked me to sing. I sang a little song, and then I asked you to sing with me. Of course, you didn’t know any words, but you picked up the melody and sang it beautifully! I’ve never seen a child do that, except in Mexico. You were, oh, I don’t know—maybe seven years old. Eventually, the preacher came looking for you and started to scold. I said, ‘Don’t scold, Mr. Kronborg. She came to hear the guitar. That child has some music in her. Where did she get it?’ Then he told me about your grandpa playing the oboe in the old country. I’ll never forget that time.” Johnny chuckled softly.
Thea nodded. “I remember that day, too. I liked your music better than the church music. When are you going to have a dance over there, Johnny?”
Thea nodded. “I remember that day, too. I liked your music more than the church music. When are you going to have a dance over there, Johnny?”
Johnny tilted his head. “Well, Saturday night the Spanish boys have a lil’ party, some danza. You know Miguel Ramas? He have some young cousins, two boys, very nice-a, come from Torreon. They going to Salt Lake for some job-a, and stay off with him two-three days, and he mus’ have a party. You like to come?”
Johnny tilted his head. “Well, Saturday night the Spanish guys are having a little party, some dancing. You know Miguel Ramas? He has some young cousins, two boys, really nice, coming from Torreon. They’re going to Salt Lake for some work, and they’ll be staying with him for two or three days, so he must be throwing a party. Do you want to come?”
That was how Thea came to go to the Mexican ball. Mexican Town had been increased by half a dozen new families during the last few years, and the Mexicans had put up an adobe dance-hall, that looked exactly like one of their own dwellings, except that it was a little longer, and was so unpretentious that nobody in Moonstone knew of its existence. The “Spanish boys” are reticent about their own affairs. Ray Kennedy used to know about all their little doings, but since his death there was no one whom the Mexicans considered simpatico.
That’s how Thea ended up going to the Mexican ball. Mexican Town had grown by half a dozen new families in the last few years, and the Mexicans built an adobe dance hall that looked just like one of their homes, except it was a bit longer and so unassuming that no one in Moonstone knew it was there. The “Spanish boys” are quiet about their own matters. Ray Kennedy used to know all their little activities, but since his death, there hasn’t been anyone the Mexicans considered simpatico.
On Saturday evening after supper Thea told her mother that she was going over to Mrs. Tellamantez’s to watch the Mexicans dance for a while, and that Johnny would bring her home.
On Saturday evening after dinner, Thea told her mom that she was going over to Mrs. Tellamantez’s to watch the Mexicans dance for a while, and that Johnny would bring her home.
Mrs. Kronborg smiled. She noticed that Thea had put on a white dress and had done her hair up with unusual care, and that she carried her best blue scarf. “Maybe you’ll take a turn yourself, eh? I wouldn’t mind watching them Mexicans. They’re lovely dancers.”
Mrs. Kronborg smiled. She noticed that Thea was wearing a white dress and had styled her hair with extra care, and that she was carrying her best blue scarf. “Maybe you’ll join in yourself, huh? I wouldn’t mind watching those Mexicans. They’re great dancers.”
Thea made a feeble suggestion that her mother might go with her, but Mrs. Kronborg was too wise for that. She knew that Thea would have a better time if she went alone, and she watched her daughter go out of the gate and down the sidewalk that led to the depot.
Thea weakly suggested that her mom might join her, but Mrs. Kronborg was too smart for that. She knew that Thea would have a better time if she went by herself, and she watched her daughter leave through the gate and down the sidewalk that led to the train station.
Thea walked slowly. It was a soft, rosy evening. The sand hills were lavender. The sun had gone down a glowing copper disk, and the fleecy clouds in the east were a burning rose-color, flecked with gold. Thea passed the cottonwood grove and then the depot, where she left the sidewalk and took the sandy path toward Mexican Town. She could hear the scraping of violins being tuned, the tinkle of mandolins, and the growl of a double bass. Where had they got a double bass? She did not know there was one in Moonstone. She found later that it was the property of one of Ramas’s young cousins, who was taking it to Utah with him to cheer him at his “job-a.”
Thea walked slowly. It was a soft, rosy evening. The sand hills were lavender. The sun had set like a glowing copper disk, and the fluffy clouds in the east were a fiery rose color, dotted with gold. Thea passed the cottonwood grove and then the depot, where she left the sidewalk and took the sandy path toward Mexican Town. She could hear the sound of violins being tuned, the tinkling of mandolins, and the rumble of a double bass. Where did they get a double bass? She didn't know there was one in Moonstone. She found out later that it belonged to one of Ramas’s young cousins, who was taking it to Utah with him to keep him company on his “job-a.”
The Mexicans never wait until it is dark to begin to dance, and Thea had no difficulty in finding the new hall, because every other house in the town was deserted. Even the babies had gone to the ball; a neighbor was always willing to hold the baby while the mother danced. Mrs. Tellamantez came out to meet Thea and led her in. Johnny bowed to her from the platform at the end of the room, where he was playing the mandolin along with two fiddles and the bass. The hall was a long low room, with whitewashed walls, a fairly tight plank floor, wooden benches along the sides, and a few bracket lamps screwed to the frame timbers. There must have been fifty people there, counting the children. The Mexican dances were very much family affairs. The fathers always danced again and again with their little daughters, as well as with their wives. One of the girls came up to greet Thea, her dark cheeks glowing with pleasure and cordiality, and introduced her brother, with whom she had just been dancing. “You better take him every time he asks you,” she whispered. “He’s the best dancer here, except Johnny.”
The Mexicans don’t wait until dark to start dancing, and Thea easily found the new hall because every other house in town was empty. Even the babies were at the ball; there was always a neighbor ready to hold the baby while the mom danced. Mrs. Tellamantez came out to greet Thea and led her inside. Johnny nodded at her from the platform at the end of the room, where he was playing the mandolin along with two fiddles and a bass. The hall was a long, low room with whitewashed walls, a pretty solid plank floor, wooden benches along the sides, and a few wall lamps attached to the beams. There were probably fifty people there, including the kids. The Mexican dances were a big family thing. Dads often danced repeatedly with their little daughters and their wives. One of the girls came over to greet Thea, her dark cheeks shining with happiness and friendliness, and introduced her brother, with whom she had just been dancing. “You should dance with him every time he asks,” she whispered. “He’s the best dancer here, except for Johnny.”
Thea soon decided that the poorest dancer was herself. Even Mrs. Tellamantez, who always held her shoulders so stiffly, danced better than she did. The musicians did not remain long at their post. When one of them felt like dancing, he called some other boy to take his instrument, put on his coat, and went down on the floor. Johnny, who wore a blousy white silk shirt, did not even put on his coat.
Thea quickly realized that she was the worst dancer. Even Mrs. Tellamantez, who always held her shoulders so stiff, danced better than she did. The musicians didn't stay at their spots for long. Whenever one of them wanted to dance, he called over another boy to take his instrument, put on his coat, and hit the dance floor. Johnny, wearing a loose white silk shirt, didn't even bother to put on his coat.
The dances the railroad men gave in Firemen’s Hall were the only dances Thea had ever been allowed to go to, and they were very different from this. The boys played rough jokes and thought it smart to be clumsy and to run into each other on the floor. For the square dances there was always the bawling voice of the caller, who was also the county auctioneer.
The dances that the railroad guys held at Firemen’s Hall were the only ones Thea had ever been allowed to attend, and they were totally different from this one. The guys pulled rough pranks and thought it was cool to be clumsy and bump into each other on the dance floor. For the square dances, there was always the loud voice of the caller, who was also the county auctioneer.
This Mexican dance was soft and quiet. There was no calling, the conversation was very low, the rhythm of the music was smooth and engaging, the men were graceful and courteous. Some of them Thea had never before seen out of their working clothes, smeared with grease from the round-house or clay from the brickyard. Sometimes, when the music happened to be a popular Mexican waltz song, the dancers sang it softly as they moved. There were three little girls under twelve, in their first communion dresses, and one of them had an orange marigold in her black hair, just over her ear. They danced with the men and with each other. There was an atmosphere of ease and friendly pleasure in the low, dimly lit room, and Thea could not help wondering whether the Mexicans had no jealousies or neighborly grudges as the people in Moonstone had. There was no constraint of any kind there to-night, but a kind of natural harmony about their movements, their greetings, their low conversation, their smiles.
This Mexican dance was gentle and peaceful. There weren’t any loud calls, and the conversations were soft; the music had a smooth and captivating rhythm, and the men were graceful and respectful. Some of them Thea had never seen outside of their work clothes, covered in grease from the round-house or dust from the brickyard. Sometimes, when the music turned into a popular Mexican waltz, the dancers softly sang along as they moved. There were three little girls under twelve in their first communion dresses, and one of them had an orange marigold in her black hair, right over her ear. They danced with the men and with each other. The low, dimly lit room was filled with a sense of ease and friendly enjoyment, and Thea couldn’t help but wonder if the Mexicans had no jealousies or neighborhood grudges like the people in Moonstone. There was no tension of any kind there that night, just a natural harmony in their movements, greetings, soft conversations, and smiles.
Ramas brought up his two young cousins, Silvo and Felipe, and presented them. They were handsome, smiling youths, of eighteen and twenty, with pale-gold skins, smooth cheeks, aquiline features, and wavy black hair, like Johnny’s. They were dressed alike, in black velvet jackets and soft silk shirts, with opal shirt-buttons and flowing black ties looped through gold rings. They had charming manners, and low, guitar-like voices. They knew almost no English, but a Mexican boy can pay a great many compliments with a very limited vocabulary. The Ramas boys thought Thea dazzlingly beautiful. They had never seen a Scandinavian girl before, and her hair and fair skin bewitched them. “Blanco y oro, semjante la Pascua!” (White and gold, like Easter!) they exclaimed to each other. Silvo, the younger, declared that he could never go on to Utah; that he and his double bass had reached their ultimate destination. The elder was more crafty; he asked Miguel Ramas whether there would be “plenty more girls like that a Salt Lake, maybee?”
Ramas introduced his two young cousins, Silvo and Felipe. They were handsome, smiling young men, eighteen and twenty years old, with pale-gold skin, smooth cheeks, sharp features, and wavy black hair like Johnny's. They were dressed the same, in black velvet jackets and soft silk shirts, with opal shirt buttons and flowing black ties threaded through gold rings. They had charming personalities and low, guitar-like voices. They knew almost no English, but a Mexican boy can give many compliments with a very limited vocabulary. The Ramas boys thought Thea was stunningly beautiful. They had never seen a Scandinavian girl before, and her hair and fair skin captivated them. “Blanco y oro, semjante la Pascua!” (White and gold, like Easter!) they exclaimed to each other. Silvo, the younger one, said he could never go on to Utah; that he and his double bass had reached their final destination. The older one was more sly; he asked Miguel Ramas if there would be “plenty more girls like that a Salt Lake, maybe?”
Silvo, overhearing, gave his brother a contemptuous glance. “Plenty more a Paraíso may-bee!” he retorted. When they were not dancing with her, their eyes followed her, over the coiffures of their other partners. That was not difficult; one blonde head moving among so many dark ones.
Silvo, overhearing, shot his brother a scornful look. “Definitely more a Paraíso maybe!” he replied. When they weren’t dancing with her, their eyes tracked her, over the hairstyles of their other partners. That wasn’t hard; one blonde head stood out among so many dark ones.
Thea had not meant to dance much, but the Ramas boys danced so well and were so handsome and adoring that she yielded to their entreaties. When she sat out a dance with them, they talked to her about their family at home, and told her how their mother had once punned upon their name. Rama, in Spanish, meant a branch, they explained. Once when they were little lads their mother took them along when she went to help the women decorate the church for Easter. Some one asked her whether she had brought any flowers, and she replied that she had brought her “ramas.” This was evidently a cherished family story.
Thea hadn't planned on dancing much, but the Ramas boys danced so well and were so charming and attentive that she gave in to their requests. When she took a break from dancing with them, they chatted with her about their family back home and shared how their mom had once made a pun with their name. Rama means a branch in Spanish, they explained. When they were little, their mom took them along to help the women decorate the church for Easter. Someone asked her if she had brought any flowers, and she said she had brought her “ramas.” This was obviously a beloved family story.
When it was nearly midnight, Johnny announced that every one was going to his house to have “some lil’ icecream and some lil’ musica.” He began to put out the lights and Mrs. Tellamantez led the way across the square to her casa. The Ramas brothers escorted Thea, and as they stepped out of the door, Silvo exclaimed, “Hace frio!” and threw his velvet coat about her shoulders.
When it was almost midnight, Johnny announced that everyone was going to his house to have “some little ice cream and some little music.” He started to turn off the lights, and Mrs. Tellamantez led the way across the square to her house. The Ramas brothers walked with Thea, and as they stepped out the door, Silvo exclaimed, “It’s cold!” and threw his velvet coat around her shoulders.
Most of the company followed Mrs. Tellamantez, and they sat about on the gravel in her little yard while she and Johnny and Mrs. Miguel Ramas served the ice-cream. Thea sat on Felipe’s coat, since Silvo’s was already about her shoulders. The youths lay down on the shining gravel beside her, one on her right and one on her left. Johnny already called them “los acolitos,” the altar-boys. The talk all about them was low, and indolent. One of the girls was playing on Johnny’s guitar, another was picking lightly at a mandolin. The moonlight was so bright that one could see every glance and smile, and the flash of their teeth. The moonflowers over Mrs. Tellamantez’s door were wide open and of an unearthly white. The moon itself looked like a great pale flower in the sky.
Most of the group followed Mrs. Tellamantez and settled down on the gravel in her small yard while she, Johnny, and Mrs. Miguel Ramas served the ice cream. Thea sat on Felipe’s coat since Silvo’s was already draped over her shoulders. The guys laid down on the sparkling gravel next to her, one on her right and one on her left. Johnny already called them “los acolitos,” the altar boys. The chatter around them was quiet and relaxed. One of the girls was strumming Johnny’s guitar, while another was lightly picking at a mandolin. The moonlight was so bright that you could see every glance and smile, and the flash of their teeth. The moonflowers above Mrs. Tellamantez’s door were fully opened in an otherworldly white. The moon itself resembled a large pale flower in the sky.
After all the ice-cream was gone, Johnny approached Thea, his guitar under his arm, and the elder Ramas boy politely gave up his place. Johnny sat down, took a long breath, struck a fierce chord, and then hushed it with his other hand. “Now we have some lil’ serenata, eh? You wan’ a try?”
After all the ice cream was gone, Johnny walked over to Thea, his guitar tucked under his arm, and the older Ramas boy politely made way for him. Johnny sat down, took a deep breath, hit a powerful chord, and then muted it with his other hand. “Now we have some little serenata, right? You want to give it a try?”
When Thea began to sing, instant silence fell upon the company. She felt all those dark eyes fix themselves upon her intently. She could see them shine. The faces came out of the shadow like the white flowers over the door. Felipe leaned his head upon his hand. Silvo dropped on his back and lay looking at the moon, under the impression that he was still looking at Thea. When she finished the first verse, Thea whispered to Johnny, “Again, I can do it better than that.”
When Thea started to sing, the room fell into an instant silence. She felt all those dark eyes focused on her intently. She could see them sparkling. The faces emerged from the shadows like the white flowers above the door. Felipe rested his head on his hand. Silvo lay back and stared at the moon, thinking he was still looking at Thea. When she finished the first verse, Thea whispered to Johnny, “I can do it better than that again.”
She had sung for churches and funerals and teachers, but she had never before sung for a really musical people, and this was the first time she had ever felt the response that such a people can give. They turned themselves and all they had over to her. For the moment they cared about nothing in the world but what she was doing. Their faces confronted her, open, eager, unprotected. She felt as if all these warm-blooded people debouched into her. Mrs. Tellamantez’s fateful resignation, Johnny’s madness, the adoration of the boy who lay still in the sand; in an instant these things seemed to be within her instead of without, as if they had come from her in the first place.
She had sung for churches, funerals, and teachers, but she had never performed for a truly musical crowd before, and this was the first time she felt the kind of response that only such a group could give. They completely surrendered themselves and everything they had to her. For that moment, nothing else mattered to them except what she was doing. Their faces faced her, open, eager, and vulnerable. She felt as if all these passionate people were pouring into her. Mrs. Tellamantez’s fateful resignation, Johnny’s madness, the devotion of the boy lying still in the sand; in an instant, these emotions seemed to come from within her rather than from the outside, as if they originated with her in the first place.
When she finished, her listeners broke into excited murmur. The men began hunting feverishly for cigarettes. Famos Serranos the barytone bricklayer, touched Johnny’s arm, gave him a questioning look, then heaved a deep sigh. Johnny dropped on his elbow, wiping his face and neck and hands with his handkerchief. “Señorita,” he panted, “if you sing like that once in the City of Mexico, they just-a go crazy. In the City of Mexico they ain’t-a sit like stumps when they hear that, not-a much! When they like, they just-a give you the town.”
When she finished, her listeners erupted into excited chatter. The men started searching desperately for cigarettes. Famos Serranos, the baritone bricklayer, touched Johnny’s arm, gave him a questioning look, then let out a deep sigh. Johnny dropped down on his elbow, wiping his face, neck, and hands with his handkerchief. “Señorita,” he panted, “if you sing like that once in Mexico City, they’ll go absolutely wild. In Mexico City, they don’t just sit there like logs when they hear that, not at all! When they like it, they’ll just give you the whole town.”
Thea laughed. She, too, was excited. “Think so, Johnny? Come, sing something with me. El Parreño; I haven’t sung that for a long time.”
Thea laughed. She was excited, too. “You think so, Johnny? Come on, sing something with me. El Parreño; I haven't sung that in a long time.”
Johnny laughed and hugged his guitar. “You not-a forget him?” He began teasing his strings. “Come!” He threw back his head, “Anoche-e-e—”
Johnny laughed and hugged his guitar. “You don't forget him?” He started strumming his strings. “Come on!” He threw his head back, “Last night—”
“Anoche me confesse
Con un padre carmelite,
Y me dio penitencia
Que besaras tu boquita.”
“Last night I confessed to a Carmelite priest, and he gave me the penance of kissing your little mouth.”
(Last night I made confession
With a Carmelite father,
And he gave me absolution
For the kisses you imprinted.)
(Last night I confessed
To a Carmelite priest,
And he granted me forgiveness
For the kisses you left behind.)
Johnny had almost every fault that a tenor can have. His voice was thin, unsteady, husky in the middle tones. But it was distinctly a voice, and sometimes he managed to get something very sweet out of it. Certainly it made him happy to sing. Thea kept glancing down at him as he lay there on his elbow. His eyes seemed twice as large as usual and had lights in them like those the moonlight makes on black, running water. Thea remembered the old stories about his “spells.” She had never seen him when his madness was on him, but she felt something tonight at her elbow that gave her an idea of what it might be like. For the first time she fully understood the cryptic explanation that Mrs. Tellamantez had made to Dr. Archie, long ago. There were the same shells along the walk; she believed she could pick out the very one. There was the same moon up yonder, and panting at her elbow was the same Johnny—fooled by the same old things!
Johnny had almost every flaw a tenor can have. His voice was thin, shaky, and raspy in the middle tones. But it was definitely a voice, and sometimes he could pull something really sweet out of it. It clearly made him happy to sing. Thea kept glancing down at him as he lay on his elbow. His eyes looked twice as big as usual and had a light in them like the moonlight on dark, flowing water. Thea remembered the old stories about his "spells." She had never seen him when he was caught up in his madness, but she felt something tonight at her elbow that gave her an idea of what it might be like. For the first time, she fully understood the mysterious explanation Mrs. Tellamantez had given to Dr. Archie long ago. The same shells lined the path; she believed she could identify the very one. The same moon hung up there, and breathing beside her was the same Johnny—tricked by the same old things!
When they had finished, Famos, the barytone, murmured something to Johnny; who replied, “Sure we can sing ‘Trovatore.’ We have no alto, but all the girls can sing alto and make some noise.”
When they were done, Famos, the baritone, whispered something to Johnny, who replied, “Of course we can sing ‘Trovatore.’ We don’t have an alto, but all the girls can sing alto and make some noise.”
The women laughed. Mexican women of the poorer class do not sing like the men. Perhaps they are too indolent. In the evening, when the men are singing their throats dry on the doorstep, or around the camp-fire beside the work-train, the women usually sit and comb their hair.
The women laughed. Mexican women from poorer backgrounds don’t sing like the men do. Maybe they’re just too lazy. In the evening, when the men are singing their hearts out on the doorstep or around the campfire next to the work train, the women typically just sit and comb their hair.
While Johnny was gesticulating and telling everybody what to sing and how to sing it, Thea put out her foot and touched the corpse of Silvo with the toe of her slipper. “Aren’t you going to sing, Silvo?” she asked teasingly.
While Johnny was waving his arms and telling everyone what to sing and how to sing it, Thea nudged the corpse of Silvo with the toe of her slipper. “Aren’t you going to sing, Silvo?” she asked playfully.
The boy turned on his side and raised himself on his elbow for a moment. “Not this night, señorita,” he pleaded softly, “not this night!” He dropped back again, and lay with his cheek on his right arm, the hand lying passive on the sand above his head.
The boy rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow for a moment. “Not tonight, señorita,” he whispered, “not tonight!” He fell back down and rested his cheek on his right arm, his hand lying still on the sand above his head.
“How does he flatten himself into the ground like that?” Thea asked herself. “I wish I knew. It’s very effective, somehow.”
“How does he flatten himself against the ground like that?” Thea asked herself. “I wish I knew. It’s really effective, for some reason.”
Across the gulch the Kohlers’ little house slept among its trees, a dark spot on the white face of the desert. The windows of their upstairs bedroom were open, and Paulina had listened to the dance music for a long while before she drowsed off. She was a light sleeper, and when she woke again, after midnight, Johnny’s concert was at its height. She lay still until she could bear it no longer. Then she wakened Fritz and they went over to the window and leaned out. They could hear clearly there.
Across the ravine, the Kohlers' small house nestled among the trees, a dark spot on the white expanse of the desert. The windows of their upstairs bedroom were open, and Paulina had listened to the dance music for a long time before she dozed off. She was a light sleeper, and when she woke up again after midnight, Johnny's concert was in full swing. She lay still until she couldn't take it anymore. Then she woke up Fritz, and they went to the window and leaned out. They could hear everything clearly from that spot.
“Die Thea,” whispered Mrs. Kohler; “it must be. Ach, wunderschön!”
“Die Thea,” whispered Mrs. Kohler; “it must be. Ach, wunderschön!”
Fritz was not so wide awake as his wife. He grunted and scratched on the floor with his bare foot. They were listening to a Mexican part-song; the tenor, then the soprano, then both together; the barytone joins them, rages, is extinguished; the tenor expires in sobs, and the soprano finishes alone. When the soprano’s last note died away, Fritz nodded to his wife. “Ja,” he said; “schön.”
Fritz wasn't as awake as his wife. He grunted and scratched the floor with his bare foot. They were listening to a Mexican song; the tenor sang, then the soprano, then both together; the baritone joined them, got carried away, then faded out; the tenor ended with sobs, and the soprano finished solo. When the soprano’s last note faded away, Fritz nodded to his wife. “Yeah,” he said; “nice.”
There was silence for a few moments. Then the guitar sounded fiercely, and several male voices began the sextette from “Lucia.” Johnny’s reedy tenor they knew well, and the bricklayer’s big, opaque barytone; the others might be anybody over there—just Mexican voices. Then at the appointed, at the acute, moment, the soprano voice, like a fountain jet, shot up into the light. “Horch! Horch!” the old people whispered, both at once. How it leaped from among those dusky male voices! How it played in and about and around and over them, like a goldfish darting among creek minnows, like a yellow butterfly soaring above a swarm of dark ones. “Ah,” said Mrs. Kohler softly, “the dear man; if he could hear her now!”
There was silence for a few moments. Then the guitar struck fiercely, and several male voices started the sextet from “Lucia.” Johnny’s thin tenor was familiar to them, alongside the bricklayer’s deep, full baritone; the others could have been anyone over there—just Mexican voices. Then, at the right moment, the soprano voice burst into the light like a fountain. “Horch! Horch!” the old people whispered, both at once. How it soared above those dark male voices! How it danced around and through and over them, like a goldfish darting among minnows in a creek, like a yellow butterfly hovering above a swarm of dark ones. “Ah,” Mrs. Kohler said softly, “the dear man; if only he could hear her now!”
XI
Mrs. Kronborg had said that Thea was not to be disturbed on Sunday morning, and she slept until noon. When she came downstairs the family were just sitting down to dinner, Mr. Kronborg at one end of the long table, Mrs. Kronborg at the other. Anna, stiff and ceremonious, in her summer silk, sat at her father’s right, and the boys were strung along on either side of the table. There was a place left for Thea between her mother and Thor. During the silence which preceded the blessing, Thea felt something uncomfortable in the air. Anna and her older brothers had lowered their eyes when she came in. Mrs. Kronborg nodded cheerfully, and after the blessing, as she began to pour the coffee, turned to her.
Mrs. Kronborg had said that Thea shouldn’t be disturbed on Sunday morning, so she slept until noon. When she came downstairs, the family was just sitting down to dinner, with Mr. Kronborg at one end of the long table and Mrs. Kronborg at the other. Anna, stiff and formal in her summer silk, sat at her father’s right, while the boys were lined up on either side of the table. A spot was left for Thea between her mother and Thor. During the silence before the blessing, Thea sensed something awkward in the atmosphere. Anna and her older brothers had lowered their eyes when she entered. Mrs. Kronborg nodded cheerfully, and after the blessing, as she started pouring the coffee, she turned to Thea.
“I expect you had a good time at that dance, Thea. I hope you got your sleep out.”
“I hope you had a great time at that dance, Thea. I hope you got some rest.”
“High society, that,” remarked Charley, giving the mashed potatoes a vicious swat. Anna’s mouth and eyebrows became half-moons.
“High society, huh,” Charley said, giving the mashed potatoes a hard smack. Anna’s mouth and eyebrows shaped into half-moons.
Thea looked across the table at the uncompromising countenances of her older brothers. “Why, what’s the matter with the Mexicans?” she asked, flushing. “They don’t trouble anybody, and they are kind to their families and have good manners.”
Thea looked across the table at the stern faces of her older brothers. “What’s wrong with the Mexicans?” she asked, blushing. “They don’t bother anyone, and they are nice to their families and have good manners.”
“Nice clean people; got some style about them. Do you really like that kind, Thea, or do you just pretend to? That’s what I’d like to know.” Gus looked at her with pained inquiry. But he at least looked at her.
“Nice clean people; they have a certain style. Do you actually like that kind, Thea, or are you just pretending? That’s what I want to know.” Gus looked at her with a troubled expression. But at least he was looking at her.
“They’re just as clean as white people, and they have a perfect right to their own ways. Of course I like ’em. I don’t pretend things.”
“They’re just as clean as white people, and they have every right to their own ways. Of course, I like them. I don’t pretend otherwise.”
“Everybody according to their own taste,” remarked Charley bitterly. “Quit crumbing your bread up, Thor. Ain’t you learned how to eat yet?”
“Everyone has their own preferences,” Charley said bitterly. “Stop crumbling your bread, Thor. Haven't you figured out how to eat yet?”
“Children, children!” said Mr. Kronborg nervously, looking up from the chicken he was dismembering. He glanced at his wife, whom he expected to maintain harmony in the family.
“Kids, kids!” said Mr. Kronborg nervously, looking up from the chicken he was cutting up. He glanced at his wife, who he expected to keep the peace in the family.
“That’s all right, Charley. Drop it there,” said Mrs. Kronborg. “No use spoiling your Sunday dinner with race prejudices. The Mexicans suit me and Thea very well. They are a useful people. Now you can just talk about something else.”
“That’s fine, Charley. Just leave it there,” Mrs. Kronborg said. “No point in ruining your Sunday dinner with racial biases. The Mexicans are just fine for me and Thea. They're a helpful group of people. Now let’s talk about something else.”
Conversation, however, did not flourish at that dinner. Everybody ate as fast as possible. Charley and Gus said they had engagements and left the table as soon as they finished their apple pie. Anna sat primly and ate with great elegance. When she spoke at all she spoke to her father, about church matters, and always in a commiserating tone, as if he had met with some misfortune. Mr. Kronborg, quite innocent of her intentions, replied kindly and absent-mindedly. After the dessert he went to take his usual Sunday afternoon nap, and Mrs. Kronborg carried some dinner to a sick neighbor. Thea and Anna began to clear the table.
Conversation, however, didn’t go well at that dinner. Everyone ate as quickly as they could. Charley and Gus said they had plans and left the table as soon as they finished their apple pie. Anna sat upright and ate with great elegance. When she did speak, it was only to her father, discussing church matters, always with a sympathetic tone, as if he had experienced some misfortune. Mr. Kronborg, completely unaware of her intentions, responded kindly but absent-mindedly. After dessert, he went to take his usual Sunday afternoon nap, and Mrs. Kronborg took some dinner to a sick neighbor. Thea and Anna started to clear the table.
“I should think you would show more consideration for father’s position, Thea,” Anna began as soon as she and her sister were alone.
“I would think you'd show more consideration for Dad's position, Thea,” Anna started as soon as she and her sister were alone.
Thea gave her a sidelong glance. “Why, what have I done to father?”
Thea shot her a sideways look. “What have I done to Dad?”
“Everybody at Sunday-School was talking about you going over there and singing with the Mexicans all night, when you won’t sing for the church. Somebody heard you, and told it all over town. Of course, we all get the blame for it.”
“Everyone at Sunday School was talking about you going over there and singing with the Mexicans all night, while you won’t sing for the church. Somebody heard you and spread it all over town. Of course, we all get the blame for it.”
“Anything disgraceful about singing?” Thea asked with a provoking yawn.
“Is there anything shameful about singing?” Thea asked with a teasing yawn.
“I must say you choose your company! You always had that streak in you, Thea. We all hoped that going away would improve you. Of course, it reflects on father when you are scarcely polite to the nice people here and make up to the rowdies.”
“I have to say, you really know how to pick your friends! You’ve always had that side to you, Thea. We all thought that getting away would help you. But of course, it reflects badly on dad when you’re barely polite to the nice people here and cozy up to the troublemakers.”
“Oh, it’s my singing with the Mexicans you object to?” Thea put down a tray full of dishes. “Well, I like to sing over there, and I don’t like to over here. I’ll sing for them any time they ask me to. They know something about what I’m doing. They’re a talented people.”
“Oh, is it my singing with the Mexicans that you have a problem with?” Thea set down a tray full of dishes. “Well, I enjoy singing over there, and I don’t enjoy it here. I’ll sing for them anytime they ask me to. They understand what I’m doing. They’re a talented group.”
“Talented!” Anna made the word sound like escaping steam. “I suppose you think it’s smart to come home and throw that at your family!”
“Talented!” Anna said, making the word sound like steam hissing out. “I guess you think it's clever to come home and throw that at your family!”
Thea picked up the tray. By this time she was as white as the Sunday tablecloth. “Well,” she replied in a cold, even tone, “I’ll have to throw it at them sooner or later. It’s just a question of when, and it might as well be now as any time.” She carried the tray blindly into the kitchen.
Thea picked up the tray. By this point, she was as pale as the Sunday tablecloth. “Well,” she said in a flat, cool voice, “I’ll have to throw it at them sooner or later. It’s just a matter of when, and it might as well be now as any time.” She walked into the kitchen with the tray without really seeing where she was going.
Tillie, who was always listening and looking out for her, took the dishes from her with a furtive, frightened glance at her stony face. Thea went slowly up the back stairs to her loft. Her legs seemed as heavy as lead as she climbed the stairs, and she felt as if everything inside her had solidified and grown hard.
Tillie, who was always watching out for her, took the dishes from her with a quick, nervous glance at her cold face. Thea slowly made her way up the back stairs to her loft. Her legs felt as heavy as lead as she climbed, and she felt like everything inside her had frozen and gone hard.
After shutting her door and locking it, she sat down on the edge of her bed. This place had always been her refuge, but there was a hostility in the house now which this door could not shut out. This would be her last summer in that room. Its services were over; its time was done. She rose and put her hand on the low ceiling. Two tears ran down her cheeks, as if they came from ice that melted slowly. She was not ready to leave her little shell. She was being pulled out too soon. She would never be able to think anywhere else as well as here. She would never sleep so well or have such dreams in any other bed; even last night, such sweet, breathless dreams—Thea hid her face in the pillow. Wherever she went she would like to take that little bed with her. When she went away from it for good, she would leave something that she could never recover; memories of pleasant excitement, of happy adventures in her mind; of warm sleep on howling winter nights, and joyous awakenings on summer mornings. There were certain dreams that might refuse to come to her at all except in a little morning cave, facing the sun—where they came to her so powerfully, where they beat a triumph in her!
After shutting her door and locking it, she sat down on the edge of her bed. This place had always been her safe haven, but now there was a negativity in the house that this door couldn’t block out. This would be her last summer in that room. Its purpose was over; its time was up. She rose and touched the low ceiling. Two tears rolled down her cheeks, as if they were melting ice. She wasn’t ready to leave her little sanctuary. She felt she was being pulled away too soon. She would never think as clearly anywhere else as she did here. She wouldn’t sleep as well or have such dreams in any other bed; even last night, she had such sweet, breathless dreams—Thea buried her face in the pillow. Wherever she went, she wished she could take that little bed with her. When she finally left it for good, she would leave behind something she could never get back; memories of exciting moments, happy adventures in her mind; warmth on cold winter nights, and joyful awakenings on summer mornings. There were certain dreams that might only come to her in that little morning space, facing the sun—where they came to her so vividly, where they felt like a victory!
The room was hot as an oven. The sun was beating fiercely on the shingles behind the board ceiling. She undressed, and before she threw herself upon her bed in her chemise, she frowned at herself for a long while in her looking-glass. Yes, she and It must fight it out together. The thing that looked at her out of her own eyes was the only friend she could count on. Oh, she would make these people sorry enough! There would come a time when they would want to make it up with her. But, never again! She had no little vanities, only one big one, and she would never forgive.
The room was as hot as an oven. The sun was beating down hard on the shingles behind the ceiling. She took off her clothes, and before she collapsed on her bed in her slip, she glared at herself in the mirror for a long time. Yes, she and It had to face off together. The reflection staring back at her was the only friend she could rely on. Oh, she would make those people regret it! There would come a time when they would want to make amends with her. But, not a chance! She had no petty vanities, just one big one, and she would never forgive.
Her mother was all right, but her mother was a part of the family, and she was not. In the nature of things, her mother had to be on both sides. Thea felt that she had been betrayed. A truce had been broken behind her back. She had never had much individual affection for any of her brothers except Thor, but she had never been disloyal, never felt scorn or held grudges. As a little girl she had always been good friends with Gunner and Axel, whenever she had time to play. Even before she got her own room, when they were all sleeping and dressing together, like little cubs, and breakfasting in the kitchen, she had led an absorbing personal life of her own. But she had a cub loyalty to the other cubs. She thought them nice boys and tried to make them get their lessons. She once fought a bully who “picked on” Axel at school. She never made fun of Anna’s crimpings and curlings and beauty-rites.
Her mom was fine, but her mom was part of the family, and she wasn’t. It was just how things were; her mom had to be on both sides. Thea felt like she had been betrayed. A truce had been broken behind her back. She never had strong feelings for any of her brothers except Thor, but she had never been disloyal, never felt contempt or held grudges. As a little girl, she had always been good friends with Gunner and Axel whenever she had time to play. Even before she had her own room, when they were all sleeping and getting ready together, like little cubs, and having breakfast in the kitchen, she led a rich personal life of her own. But she had a loyalty to the other cubs. She thought they were good boys and tried to help them with their studies. She once stood up to a bully who picked on Axel at school. She never laughed at Anna’s crimping and curling and beauty routines.
Thea had always taken it for granted that her sister and brothers recognized that she had special abilities, and that they were proud of it. She had done them the honor, she told herself bitterly, to believe that though they had no particular endowments, they were of her kind, and not of the Moonstone kind. Now they had all grown up and become persons. They faced each other as individuals, and she saw that Anna and Gus and Charley were among the people whom she had always recognized as her natural enemies. Their ambitions and sacred proprieties were meaningless to her. She had neglected to congratulate Charley upon having been promoted from the grocery department of Commings’s store to the drygoods department. Her mother had reproved her for this omission. And how was she to know, Thea asked herself, that Anna expected to be teased because Bert Rice now came and sat in the hammock with her every night? No, it was all clear enough. Nothing that she would ever do in the world would seem important to them, and nothing they would ever do would seem important to her.
Thea had always assumed that her sister and brothers recognized her special talents and were proud of her for it. She bitterly told herself that she honored them by believing that, while they lacked any special gifts, they were like her and not of the Moonstone type. Now that they were all grown up and had become individuals, she realized that Anna, Gus, and Charley were among those she had always seen as her natural adversaries. Their ambitions and values meant nothing to her. She had forgotten to congratulate Charley for being promoted from the grocery department at Commings’s store to the drygoods department. Her mother had scolded her for this oversight. And how was she supposed to know, Thea wondered, that Anna wanted to be teased because Bert Rice came and sat in the hammock with her every night? No, it was all quite clear. Nothing she would ever do would seem significant to them, and nothing they did would seem significant to her.
Thea lay thinking intently all through the stifling afternoon. Tillie whispered something outside her door once, but she did not answer. She lay on her bed until the second church bell rang, and she saw the family go trooping up the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street, Anna and her father in the lead. Anna seemed to have taken on a very story-book attitude toward her father; patronizing and condescending, it seemed to Thea. The older boys were not in the family band. They now took their girls to church. Tillie had stayed at home to get supper. Thea got up, washed her hot face and arms, and put on the white organdie dress she had worn last night; it was getting too small for her, and she might as well wear it out. After she was dressed she unlocked her door and went cautiously downstairs. She felt as if chilling hostilities might be awaiting her in the trunk loft, on the stairway, almost anywhere. In the dining-room she found Tillie, sitting by the open window, reading the dramatic news in a Denver Sunday paper. Tillie kept a scrapbook in which she pasted clippings about actors and actresses.
Thea lay deep in thought all through the sweltering afternoon. Tillie whispered something outside her door once, but she didn’t respond. She stayed on her bed until the second church bell rang, and she saw the family walking up the sidewalk on the other side of the street, with Anna and her father in the lead. Anna seemed to adopt a very storybook attitude toward her father; it struck Thea as patronizing and condescending. The older boys weren’t with the family; they were taking their girlfriends to church instead. Tillie had stayed home to make dinner. Thea got up, washed her hot face and arms, and put on the white organdy dress she had worn the night before; it was getting too small for her, so she figured she might as well wear it until it was ruined. Once she was dressed, she unlocked her door and went cautiously downstairs. She felt as if some cold hostility might be waiting for her in the trunk loft, on the stairway, or almost anywhere. In the dining room, she found Tillie sitting by the open window, reading the dramatic news in a Denver Sunday paper. Tillie kept a scrapbook where she pasted clippings about actors and actresses.
“Come look at this picture of Pauline Hall in tights, Thea,” she called. “Ain’t she cute? It’s too bad you didn’t go to the theater more when you was in Chicago; such a good chance! Didn’t you even get to see Clara Morris or Modjeska?”
“Come check out this picture of Pauline Hall in tights, Thea,” she called. “Isn’t she adorable? It’s a shame you didn’t go to the theater more when you were in Chicago; such a great opportunity! Didn’t you even get to see Clara Morris or Modjeska?”
“No; I didn’t have time. Besides, it costs money, Tillie,” Thea replied wearily, glancing at the paper Tillie held out to her.
“No, I didn’t have time. Plus, it costs money, Tillie,” Thea said tiredly, looking at the paper Tillie was holding out to her.
Tillie looked up at her niece. “Don’t you go and be upset about any of Anna’s notions. She’s one of these narrow kind. Your father and mother don’t pay any attention to what she says. Anna’s fussy; she is with me, but I don’t mind her.”
Tillie looked up at her niece. “Don’t get upset about any of Anna’s ideas. She’s one of those narrow-minded people. Your parents don’t pay any attention to what she says. Anna can be fussy; she’s like that with me, but I don’t mind her.”
“Oh, I don’t mind her. That’s all right, Tillie. I guess I’ll take a walk.”
“Oh, I’m okay with her. That’s fine, Tillie. I think I’ll go for a walk.”
Thea knew that Tillie hoped she would stay and talk to her for a while, and she would have liked to please her. But in a house as small as that one, everything was too intimate and mixed up together. The family was the family, an integral thing. One couldn’t discuss Anna there. She felt differently toward the house and everything in it, as if the battered old furniture that seemed so kindly, and the old carpets on which she had played, had been nourishing a secret grudge against her and were not to be trusted any more.
Thea knew that Tillie wanted her to hang out and chat for a bit, and she really wanted to make her happy. But in a house as tiny as that one, everything felt too close and jumbled together. The family was just the family, a whole unit. You couldn’t talk about Anna there. She felt differently about the house and everything in it, as if the worn-out furniture that seemed so welcoming, and the old carpets where she had played, had been holding a secret resentment against her and weren’t to be trusted anymore.
She went aimlessly out of the front gate, not knowing what to do with herself. Mexican Town, somehow, was spoiled for her just then, and she felt that she would hide if she saw Silvo or Felipe coming toward her. She walked down through the empty main street. All the stores were closed, their blinds down. On the steps of the bank some idle boys were sitting, telling disgusting stories because there was nothing else to do. Several of them had gone to school with Thea, but when she nodded to them they hung their heads and did not speak. Thea’s body was often curiously expressive of what was going on in her mind, and to-night there was something in her walk and carriage that made these boys feel that she was “stuck up.” If she had stopped and talked to them, they would have thawed out on the instant and would have been friendly and grateful. But Thea was hurt afresh, and walked on, holding her chin higher than ever. As she passed the Duke Block, she saw a light in Dr. Archie’s office, and she went up the stairs and opened the door into his study. She found him with a pile of papers and accountbooks before him. He pointed her to her old chair at the end of his desk and leaned back in his own, looking at her with satisfaction. How handsome she was growing!
She walked out of the front gate aimlessly, unsure of what to do. Mexican Town felt spoiled for her at that moment, and she thought she would avoid Silvo or Felipe if she saw them coming her way. She strolled down the empty main street. All the shops were closed, their blinds drawn. A few idle boys were sitting on the steps of the bank, sharing gross stories because they had nothing else to do. Some of them had gone to school with Thea, but when she nodded at them, they looked down and didn’t say anything. Thea’s body often expressed what she was thinking, and tonight there was something in how she walked and carried herself that made those boys see her as “stuck up.” If she had stopped to talk to them, they would have warmed up immediately and been friendly and grateful. But Thea felt hurt again and walked on, holding her chin up higher than ever. As she passed the Duke Block, she noticed a light in Dr. Archie’s office, so she went up the stairs and opened the door to his study. She found him surrounded by a pile of papers and account books. He gestured for her to take her old chair at the end of his desk and leaned back in his, looking at her with satisfaction. She was becoming so beautiful!
“I’m still chasing the elusive metal, Thea,”—he pointed to the papers before him,—“I’m up to my neck in mines, and I’m going to be a rich man some day.”
“I’m still chasing that elusive metal, Thea,”—he pointed to the papers in front of him,—“I’m neck-deep in mines, and I’m going to be a rich man someday.”
“I hope you will; awfully rich. That’s the only thing that counts.” She looked restlessly about the consulting-room. “To do any of the things one wants to do, one has to have lots and lots of money.”
“I hope you will; incredibly wealthy. That’s the only thing that matters.” She glanced around the consulting room with agitation. “To do anything you want to do, you need to have plenty of money.”
Dr. Archie was direct. “What’s the matter? Do you need some?”
Dr. Archie was straightforward. “What’s wrong? Do you need any?”
Thea shrugged. “Oh, I can get along, in a little way.” She looked intently out of the window at the arc streetlamp that was just beginning to sputter. “But it’s silly to live at all for little things,” she added quietly. “Living’s too much trouble unless one can get something big out of it.”
Thea shrugged. “Oh, I can manage, in some small way.” She stared intently out the window at the arc streetlamp that was just starting to flicker. “But it’s pointless to live for just little things,” she added softly. “Living’s too much hassle unless you can get something significant from it.”
Dr. Archie rested his elbows on the arms of his chair, dropped his chin on his clasped hands and looked at her. “Living is no trouble for little people, believe me!” he exclaimed. “What do you want to get out of it?”
Dr. Archie rested his elbows on the arms of his chair, dropped his chin on his clasped hands, and looked at her. “Living is no trouble for little people, trust me!” he exclaimed. “What do you want to get out of it?”
“Oh—so many things!” Thea shivered.
“Oh—so many things!” Thea shivered.
“But what? Money? You mentioned that. Well, you can make money, if you care about that more than anything else.” He nodded prophetically above his interlacing fingers.
“But what? Money? You brought that up. Well, you can make money if that's what matters to you more than anything else.” He nodded knowingly above his interlaced fingers.
“But I don’t. That’s only one thing. Anyhow, I couldn’t if I did.” She pulled her dress lower at the neck as if she were suffocating. “I only want impossible things,” she said roughly. “The others don’t interest me.”
“But I don’t. That’s just one thing. Anyway, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” She tugged her dress lower at the neck like she was struggling to breathe. “I only want the impossible,” she said harshly. “The others don’t matter to me.”
Dr. Archie watched her contemplatively, as if she were a beaker full of chemicals working. A few years ago, when she used to sit there, the light from under his green lampshade used to fall full upon her broad face and yellow pigtails. Now her face was in the shadow and the line of light fell below her bare throat, directly across her bosom. The shrunken white organdie rose and fell as if she were struggling to be free and to break out of it altogether. He felt that her heart must be laboring heavily in there, but he was afraid to touch her; he was, indeed. He had never seen her like this before. Her hair, piled high on her head, gave her a commanding look, and her eyes, that used to be so inquisitive, were stormy.
Dr. Archie watched her thoughtfully, as if she were a beaker full of chemicals doing their thing. A few years ago, when she used to sit there, the light from underneath his green lampshade used to shine directly on her broad face and yellow pigtails. Now her face was in shadow, and the light hit just below her bare throat, right across her chest. The shrunken white organdie rose and fell as if she were trying to break free from it completely. He felt like her heart must be beating heavily inside, but he was afraid to touch her; he really was. He had never seen her like this before. Her hair, piled high on her head, gave her an authoritative look, and her eyes, which used to be so curious, were now stormy.
“Thea,” he said slowly, “I won’t say that you can have everything you want—that means having nothing, in reality. But if you decide what it is you want most, you can get it.” His eye caught hers for a moment. “Not everybody can, but you can. Only, if you want a big thing, you’ve got to have nerve enough to cut out all that’s easy, everything that’s to be had cheap.” Dr. Archie paused. He picked up a paper-cutter and, feeling the edge of it softly with his fingers, he added slowly, as if to himself:—
“Thea,” he said slowly, “I won’t say that you can have everything you want—that means having nothing, really. But if you figure out what you want most, you can get it.” His eyes locked onto hers for a moment. “Not everyone can, but you can. Just remember, if you want something big, you have to be tough enough to let go of everything that's easy, everything that comes cheap.” Dr. Archie paused. He picked up a paper cutter and softly ran his fingers along the edge, then added slowly, as if to himself:—
“He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
Who dares not put it to the touch
To win...or lose it all.”
“He either fears his fate too much,
Or his worth is small,
Who dares not put it to the test
To win...or lose it all.”
Thea’s lips parted; she looked at him from under a frown, searching his face. “Do you mean to break loose, too, and—do something?” she asked in a low voice.
Thea's lips parted; she looked at him with a frown, searching his face. "Are you planning to break free too and—do something?" she asked quietly.
“I mean to get rich, if you call that doing anything. I’ve found what I can do without. You make such bargains in your mind, first.”
“I plan to get rich, if that’s what you consider doing something. I’ve figured out what I can live without. You make those kinds of deals in your head, first.”
Thea sprang up and took the paper-cutter he had put down, twisting it in her hands. “A long while first, sometimes,” she said with a short laugh. “But suppose one can never get out what they’ve got in them? Suppose they make a mess of it in the end; then what?” She threw the paper-cutter on the desk and took a step toward the doctor, until her dress touched him. She stood looking down at him. “Oh, it’s easy to fail!” She was breathing through her mouth and her throat was throbbing with excitement.
Thea jumped up and grabbed the paper cutter he had set down, twisting it in her hands. “It can take a long time, sometimes,” she said with a quick laugh. “But what if someone can never express what’s inside them? What if they end up making a mess of it? Then what?” She tossed the paper cutter onto the desk and stepped toward the doctor until her dress brushed against him. She looked down at him. “Oh, it’s easy to fail!” She was breathing through her mouth, and her throat was pulsing with excitement.
As he looked up at her, Dr. Archie’s hands tightened on the arms of his chair. He had thought he knew Thea Kronborg pretty well, but he did not know the girl who was standing there. She was beautiful, as his little Swede had never been, but she frightened him. Her pale cheeks, her parted lips, her flashing eyes, seemed suddenly to mean one thing—he did not know what. A light seemed to break upon her from far away—or perhaps from far within. She seemed to grow taller, like a scarf drawn out long; looked as if she were pursued and fleeing, and—yes, she looked tormented. “It’s easy to fail,” he heard her say again, “and if I fail, you’d better forget about me, for I’ll be one of the worst women that ever lived. I’ll be an awful woman!”
As Dr. Archie looked up at her, his grip tightened on the arms of his chair. He had thought he knew Thea Kronborg pretty well, but he didn’t recognize the girl standing there. She was beautiful, in a way his little Swede had never been, but she scared him. Her pale cheeks, parted lips, and flashing eyes suddenly seemed to convey something—he didn’t know what. It felt like a light was shining on her from far away—or maybe from deep within her. She appeared to grow taller, like a scarf being pulled long; she looked like she was being chased and was fleeing, and—yes, she looked tormented. “It’s easy to fail,” he heard her say again, “and if I fail, you’d better forget about me, because I’ll be one of the worst women that ever lived. I’ll be an awful woman!”
In the shadowy light above the lampshade he caught her glance again and held it for a moment. Wild as her eyes were, that yellow gleam at the back of them was as hard as a diamond drill-point. He rose with a nervous laugh and dropped his hand lightly on her shoulder. “No, you won’t. You’ll be a splendid one!”
In the dim light above the lampshade, he locked eyes with her again and held her gaze for a moment. As wild as her eyes were, that yellow glint at the back of them was as tough as a diamond drill bit. He stood up with a nervous laugh and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “No, you won’t. You’ll be amazing!”
She shook him off before he could say anything more, and went out of his door with a kind of bound. She left so quickly and so lightly that he could not even hear her footstep in the hallway outside. Archie dropped back into his chair and sat motionless for a long while.
She brushed him off before he could say anything else and bounced out of his door. She left so fast and so lightly that he couldn't even hear her footsteps in the hallway outside. Archie sank back into his chair and sat still for a long time.
So it went; one loved a quaint little girl, cheerful, industrious, always on the run and hustling through her tasks; and suddenly one lost her. He had thought he knew that child like the glove on his hand. But about this tall girl who threw up her head and glittered like that all over, he knew nothing. She was goaded by desires, ambitions, revulsions that were dark to him. One thing he knew: the old highroad of life, worn safe and easy, hugging the sunny slopes, would scarcely hold her again.
So it happened; he loved a charming little girl who was cheerful, hardworking, always busy and hustling through her tasks; and then suddenly he lost her. He thought he knew that child like the back of his hand. But about this tall girl who held her head high and sparkled all over, he knew nothing. She was driven by desires, ambitions, and feelings that were a mystery to him. One thing he did know: the familiar path of life, worn smooth and easy, following the sunny slopes, would hardly be suitable for her anymore.
After that night Thea could have asked pretty much anything of him. He could have refused her nothing. Years ago a crafty little bunch of hair and smiles had shown him what she wanted, and he had promptly married her. To-night a very different sort of girl—driven wild by doubts and youth, by poverty and riches—had let him see the fierceness of her nature. She went out still distraught, not knowing or caring what she had shown him. But to Archie knowledge of that sort was obligation. Oh, he was the same old Howard Archie!
After that night, Thea could have asked him for anything. He couldn't have refused her anything. Years ago, a clever little girl with hair and smiles had made her desires clear, and he had quickly married her. Tonight, a very different kind of girl—driven mad by doubts and youth, by poverty and wealth—had revealed to him the intensity of her character. She left still upset, unaware or indifferent to what she had shown him. But for Archie, knowing that was a responsibility. Oh, he was the same old Howard Archie!
That Sunday in July was the turning-point; Thea’s peace of mind did not come back. She found it hard even to practice at home. There was something in the air there that froze her throat. In the morning, she walked as far as she could walk. In the hot afternoons she lay on her bed in her nightgown, planning fiercely. She haunted the post-office. She must have worn a path in the sidewalk that led to the post-office, that summer. She was there the moment the mail-sacks came up from the depot, morning and evening, and while the letters were being sorted and distributed she paced up and down outside, under the cottonwood trees, listening to the thump, thump, thump of Mr. Thompson’s stamp. She hung upon any sort of word from Chicago; a card from Bowers, a letter from Mrs. Harsanyi, from Mr. Larsen, from her landlady,—anything to reassure her that Chicago was still there. She began to feel the same restlessness that had tortured her the last spring when she was teaching in Moonstone. Suppose she never got away again, after all? Suppose one broke a leg and had to lie in bed at home for weeks, or had pneumonia and died there. The desert was so big and thirsty; if one’s foot slipped, it could drink one up like a drop of water.
That Sunday in July was a turning point; Thea’s peace of mind never returned. She struggled even to practice at home. There was something in the atmosphere that choked her. In the mornings, she walked as far as possible. During the hot afternoons, she lay on her bed in her nightgown, planning intensely. She frequently visited the post office. She must have worn a path in the sidewalk that led to the post office that summer. She was there the moment the mail sacks arrived from the depot, morning and evening, and while the letters were being sorted and distributed, she paced back and forth outside, under the cottonwood trees, listening to the thump, thump, thump of Mr. Thompson’s stamp. She clung to any sign from Chicago; a postcard from Bowers, a letter from Mrs. Harsanyi, from Mr. Larsen, from her landlady—anything to reassure her that Chicago still existed. She started to feel the same restlessness that had tormented her the previous spring when she was teaching in Moonstone. What if she never got away again? What if she broke a leg and had to lie in bed at home for weeks, or caught pneumonia and died there? The desert was vast and thirsty; if one slipped, it could swallow someone like a drop of water.
This time, when Thea left Moonstone to go back to Chicago, she went alone. As the train pulled out, she looked back at her mother and father and Thor. They were calm and cheerful; they did not know, they did not understand. Something pulled in her—and broke. She cried all the way to Denver, and that night, in her berth, she kept sobbing and waking herself. But when the sun rose in the morning, she was far away. It was all behind her, and she knew that she would never cry like that again. People live through such pain only once; pain comes again, but it finds a tougher surface. Thea remembered how she had gone away the first time, with what confidence in everything, and what pitiful ignorance. Such a silly! She felt resentful toward that stupid, good-natured child. How much older she was now, and how much harder! She was going away to fight, and she was going away forever.
This time, when Thea left Moonstone to head back to Chicago, she went by herself. As the train pulled away, she glanced back at her mom, dad, and Thor. They seemed calm and cheerful; they didn’t know, they didn’t understand. Something inside her tugged—and shattered. She cried all the way to Denver, and that night, in her sleeping compartment, she kept sobbing and waking herself up. But when the sun rose the next morning, she was far away. It was all in the past, and she realized she would never cry like that again. People experience such pain only once; pain recurs, but it hits a tougher surface. Thea remembered how confidently she had left the first time, with such naive hope. What a silly girl! She felt resentful toward that foolish, innocent child. How much older she was now, and how much tougher! She was leaving to fight, and she was leaving for good.
I
So many grinning, stupid faces! Thea was sitting by the window in Bowers’s studio, waiting for him to come back from lunch. On her knee was the latest number of an illustrated musical journal in which musicians great and little stridently advertised their wares. Every afternoon she played accompaniments for people who looked and smiled like these. She was getting tired of the human countenance.
So many grinning, silly faces! Thea was sitting by the window in Bowers’s studio, waiting for him to return from lunch. On her lap was the latest issue of an illustrated music magazine where musicians, big and small, loudly promoted their products. Every afternoon, she played accompaniments for people who looked and smiled like these. She was growing weary of human faces.
Thea had been in Chicago for two months. She had a small church position which partly paid her living expenses, and she paid for her singing lessons by playing Bowers’s accompaniments every afternoon from two until six. She had been compelled to leave her old friends Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen, because the long ride from North Chicago to Bowers’s studio on Michigan Avenue took too much time—an hour in the morning, and at night, when the cars were crowded, an hour and a half. For the first month she had clung to her old room, but the bad air in the cars, at the end of a long day’s work, fatigued her greatly and was bad for her voice. Since she left Mrs. Lorch, she had been staying at a students’ club to which she was introduced by Miss Adler, Bowers’s morning accompanist, an intelligent Jewish girl from Evanston.
Thea had been in Chicago for two months. She had a small job at a church that covered part of her living expenses, and she paid for her singing lessons by playing accompaniments for Bowers every afternoon from two to six. She had to leave her old friends, Mrs. Lorch and Mrs. Andersen, because the long trip from North Chicago to Bowers’s studio on Michigan Avenue took too much time—an hour in the morning, and at night, when the trains were packed, an hour and a half. For the first month, she had stuck with her old room, but the poor air in the trains at the end of a long day’s work really tired her out and was bad for her voice. Since she left Mrs. Lorch, she had been staying at a student club that Miss Adler, Bowers’s morning accompanist, had introduced her to. Miss Adler was an intelligent Jewish girl from Evanston.
Thea took her lesson from Bowers every day from eleven-thirty until twelve. Then she went out to lunch with an Italian grammar under her arm, and came back to the studio to begin her work at two. In the afternoon Bowers coached professionals and taught his advanced pupils. It was his theory that Thea ought to be able to learn a great deal by keeping her ears open while she played for him.
Thea had her lesson with Bowers every day from eleven-thirty to twelve. After that, she would head out for lunch with an Italian grammar book under her arm and return to the studio to start her work at two. In the afternoons, Bowers coached professionals and taught his advanced students. He believed that Thea could learn a lot just by listening while she played for him.
The concert-going public of Chicago still remembers the long, sallow, discontented face of Madison Bowers. He seldom missed an evening concert, and was usually to be seen lounging somewhere at the back of the concert hall, reading a newspaper or review, and conspicuously ignoring the efforts of the performers. At the end of a number he looked up from his paper long enough to sweep the applauding audience with a contemptuous eye. His face was intelligent, with a narrow lower jaw, a thin nose, faded gray eyes, and a close-cut brown mustache. His hair was iron-gray, thin and dead-looking. He went to concerts chiefly to satisfy himself as to how badly things were done and how gullible the public was. He hated the whole race of artists; the work they did, the wages they got, and the way they spent their money. His father, old Hiram Bowers, was still alive and at work, a genial old choirmaster in Boston, full of enthusiasm at seventy. But Madison was of the colder stuff of his grandfathers, a long line of New Hampshire farmers; hard workers, close traders, with good minds, mean natures, and flinty eyes. As a boy Madison had a fine barytone voice, and his father made great sacrifices for him, sending him to Germany at an early age and keeping him abroad at his studies for years. Madison worked under the best teachers, and afterward sang in England in oratorio. His cold nature and academic methods were against him. His audiences were always aware of the contempt he felt for them. A dozen poorer singers succeeded, but Bowers did not.
The concert-going crowd in Chicago still remembers the long, pale, unhappy face of Madison Bowers. He rarely missed an evening concert and was usually seen lounging at the back of the concert hall, reading a newspaper or review, and clearly ignoring the performers' efforts. After each piece, he would glance up from his paper just long enough to give the applauding audience a scornful look. His face was intelligent, with a narrow jaw, a thin nose, faded gray eyes, and a neatly trimmed brown mustache. His hair was iron-gray, thin, and lifeless. He attended concerts mainly to confirm how poorly things were done and how easily the public was deceived. He despised all artists—what they produced, their earnings, and how they spent their money. His father, old Hiram Bowers, was still alive and working, a friendly old choirmaster in Boston, full of enthusiasm at seventy. But Madison came from a colder lineage, descended from a long line of New Hampshire farmers; they were hard workers, shrewd traders with sharp minds, harsh natures, and hard eyes. As a boy, Madison had a beautiful barytone voice, and his father made significant sacrifices for him, sending him to Germany at a young age and keeping him there for years to study. Madison learned under the best teachers and later sang in England in oratorio. However, his cold personality and academic approach worked against him. His audiences always sensed the disdain he held for them. A dozen lesser singers found success, but Bowers did not.
Bowers had all the qualities which go to make a good teacher—except generosity and warmth. His intelligence was of a high order, his taste never at fault. He seldom worked with a voice without improving it, and in teaching the delivery of oratorio he was without a rival. Singers came from far and near to study Bach and Handel with him. Even the fashionable sopranos and contraltos of Chicago, St. Paul, and St. Louis (they were usually ladies with very rich husbands, and Bowers called them the “pampered jades of Asia”) humbly endured his sardonic humor for the sake of what he could do for them. He was not at all above helping a very lame singer across, if her husband’s check-book warranted it. He had a whole bag of tricks for stupid people, “life-preservers,” he called them. “Cheap repairs for a cheap ’un,” he used to say, but the husbands never found the repairs very cheap. Those were the days when lumbermen’s daughters and brewers’ wives contended in song; studied in Germany and then floated from Sängerfest to Sängerfest. Choral societies flourished in all the rich lake cities and river cities. The soloists came to Chicago to coach with Bowers, and he often took long journeys to hear and instruct a chorus. He was intensely avaricious, and from these semi-professionals he reaped a golden harvest. They fed his pockets and they fed his ever-hungry contempt, his scorn of himself and his accomplices. The more money he made, the more parsimonious he became. His wife was so shabby that she never went anywhere with him, which suited him exactly. Because his clients were luxurious and extravagant, he took a revengeful pleasure in having his shoes halfsoled a second time, and in getting the last wear out of a broken collar. He had first been interested in Thea Kronborg because of her bluntness, her country roughness, and her manifest carefulness about money. The mention of Harsanyi’s name always made him pull a wry face. For the first time Thea had a friend who, in his own cool and guarded way, liked her for whatever was least admirable in her.
Bowers had all the qualities that make a good teacher—except generosity and warmth. His intelligence was top-notch, and he had great taste. He rarely worked with a voice without enhancing it, and when it came to teaching oratorio delivery, he had no rivals. Singers traveled from far and wide to study Bach and Handel with him. Even the fashionable sopranos and contraltos from Chicago, St. Paul, and St. Louis (who were usually wealthy women with rich husbands, and Bowers referred to them as the “pampered jades of Asia”) tolerated his sarcastic humor for what he could do for them. He wasn’t above helping a struggling singer if her husband’s bank account allowed for it. He had a whole bag of tricks for those who struggled, which he called “life-preservers.” “Cheap fixes for cheap talent,” he’d say, but the husbands never thought the fixes were cheap. Those were the days when lumbermen's daughters and brewers' wives competed in song; they studied in Germany and then bounced from Sängerfest to Sängerfest. Choral societies thrived in all the wealthy lake cities and river towns. Soloists came to Chicago to coach with Bowers, and he often traveled long distances to hear and instruct a chorus. He was extremely greedy, and from these semi-professionals, he reaped a golden harvest. They filled his pockets and fueled his ever-hungry contempt, his disdain for himself and those around him. The more money he made, the stingier he became. His wife was so shabby that she never accompanied him anywhere, which suited him perfectly. Because his clients were lavish and extravagant, he took a spiteful pleasure in getting his shoes resoled for the second time and stretching out the last wear of a broken collar. He had initially been drawn to Thea Kronborg because of her directness, her country roughness, and her clear concern for money. The mention of Harsanyi’s name always made him grimace. For the first time, Thea had a friend who, in his own cool and guarded way, appreciated her for whatever was least admirable about her.
Thea was still looking at the musical paper, her grammar unopened on the window-sill, when Bowers sauntered in a little before two o’clock. He was smoking a cheap cigarette and wore the same soft felt hat he had worn all last winter. He never carried a cane or wore gloves.
Thea was still staring at the sheet music, her grammar book untouched on the window sill, when Bowers strolled in a little before two o'clock. He was smoking a cheap cigarette and wore the same soft felt hat he had used all last winter. He never carried a cane or wore gloves.
Thea followed him from the reception-room into the studio. “I may cut my lesson out to-morrow, Mr. Bowers. I have to hunt a new boarding-place.”
Thea followed him from the reception room into the studio. “I might skip my lesson tomorrow, Mr. Bowers. I need to find a new place to board.”
Bowers looked up languidly from his desk where he had begun to go over a pile of letters. “What’s the matter with the Studio Club? Been fighting with them again?”
Bowers looked up tiredly from his desk where he had started to sort through a pile of letters. “What’s going on with the Studio Club? Have you been arguing with them again?”
“The Club’s all right for people who like to live that way. I don’t.”
"The Club is fine for those who enjoy living like that. I don't."
Bowers lifted his eyebrows. “Why so tempery?” he asked as he drew a check from an envelope postmarked “Minneapolis.”
Bowers raised his eyebrows. “Why so moody?” he asked as he pulled a check from an envelope stamped “Minneapolis.”
“I can’t work with a lot of girls around. They’re too familiar. I never could get along with girls of my own age. It’s all too chummy. Gets on my nerves. I didn’t come here to play kindergarten games.” Thea began energetically to arrange the scattered music on the piano.
“I can’t work with so many girls around. They’re too friendly. I’ve never really gotten along with girls my own age. It’s all just too cozy. It drives me crazy. I didn’t come here to play childish games.” Thea started energetically to organize the scattered music on the piano.
Bowers grimaced good-humoredly at her over the three checks he was pinning together. He liked to play at a rough game of banter with her. He flattered himself that he had made her harsher than she was when she first came to him; that he had got off a little of the sugar-coating Harsanyi always put on his pupils.
Bowers smiled playfully at her while fastening together three checks. He enjoyed exchanging lighthearted insults with her. He took pride in believing he had toughened her up since she first arrived; that he had helped strip away some of the sweetness that Harsanyi always applied to his students.
“The art of making yourself agreeable never comes amiss, Miss Kronborg. I should say you rather need a little practice along that line. When you come to marketing your wares in the world, a little smoothness goes farther than a great deal of talent sometimes. If you happen to be cursed with a real talent, then you’ve got to be very smooth indeed, or you’ll never get your money back.” Bowers snapped the elastic band around his bank-book.
“The skill of being likable is always useful, Miss Kronborg. I think you could use a bit of practice in that area. When it comes to selling your goods in the world, being charming can sometimes achieve more than just having a lot of talent. If you actually have a true talent, then you really need to be charming, or you might not ever see a return on your investment.” Bowers snapped the elastic band around his bank book.
Thea gave him a sharp, recognizing glance. “Well, that’s the money I’ll have to go without,” she replied.
Thea shot him a knowing look. “Well, that’s the money I’ll have to do without,” she said.
“Just what do you mean?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the money people have to grin for. I used to know a railroad man who said there was money in every profession that you couldn’t take. He’d tried a good many jobs,” Thea added musingly; “perhaps he was too particular about the kind he could take, for he never picked up much. He was proud, but I liked him for that.”
“I mean the money people have to smile for. I used to know a railroad guy who said there was money in every profession that you couldn't take. He had tried a lot of jobs,” Thea added thoughtfully; “maybe he was too choosy about the kind he could take, because he never made much. He was proud, but I liked him for that.”
Bowers rose and closed his desk. “Mrs. Priest is late again. By the way, Miss Kronborg, remember not to frown when you are playing for Mrs. Priest. You did not remember yesterday.”
Bowers stood up and closed his desk. “Mrs. Priest is late again. By the way, Miss Kronborg, remember not to frown when you’re playing for Mrs. Priest. You didn’t remember yesterday.”
“You mean when she hits a tone with her breath like that? Why do you let her? You wouldn’t let me.”
"You mean when she hits a note with her breath like that? Why do you allow her to? You wouldn't allow me."
“I certainly would not. But that is a mannerism of Mrs. Priest’s. The public like it, and they pay a great deal of money for the pleasure of hearing her do it. There she is. Remember!”
“I definitely wouldn’t. But that’s just how Mrs. Priest is. The public loves it, and they spend a lot of money to enjoy listening to her. There she is. Don’t forget!”
Bowers opened the door of the reception-room and a tall, imposing woman rustled in, bringing with her a glow of animation which pervaded the room as if half a dozen persons, all talking gayly, had come in instead of one. She was large, handsome, expansive, uncontrolled; one felt this the moment she crossed the threshold. She shone with care and cleanliness, mature vigor, unchallenged authority, gracious good-humor, and absolute confidence in her person, her powers, her position, and her way of life; a glowing, overwhelming self-satisfaction, only to be found where human society is young and strong and without yesterdays. Her face had a kind of heavy, thoughtless beauty, like a pink peony just at the point of beginning to fade. Her brown hair was waved in front and done up behind in a great twist, held by a tortoiseshell comb with gold filigree. She wore a beautiful little green hat with three long green feathers sticking straight up in front, a little cape made of velvet and fur with a yellow satin rose on it. Her gloves, her shoes, her veil, somehow made themselves felt. She gave the impression of wearing a cargo of splendid merchandise.
Bowers opened the door to the reception room, and a tall, striking woman walked in, bringing with her a lively energy that filled the space as if half a dozen people, all chatting happily, had entered instead of just one. She was large, beautiful, confident, and full of life; you could feel that the moment she stepped over the threshold. She radiated care and cleanliness, mature vitality, undeniable authority, cheerful good spirits, and total confidence in herself, her abilities, her status, and her lifestyle; a bright, overwhelming sense of self-satisfaction, typically seen where society is youthful, vibrant, and unburdened by the past. Her face had a kind of rich, careless beauty, like a pink peony just beginning to wilt. Her brown hair was styled in waves at the front and gathered in a large twist at the back, held by a tortoiseshell comb with gold detailing. She wore a lovely little green hat with three long green feathers sticking straight up in front, and a small velvet and fur cape adorned with a yellow satin rose. Her gloves, shoes, and veil all made an impact, giving the impression that she was carrying an impressive load of exquisite items.
Mrs. Priest nodded graciously to Thea, coquettishly to Bowers, and asked him to untie her veil for her. She threw her splendid wrap on a chair, the yellow lining out. Thea was already at the piano. Mrs. Priest stood behind her.
Mrs. Priest nodded kindly to Thea, flirtatiously to Bowers, and asked him to untie her veil. She tossed her beautiful wrap onto a chair, with the yellow lining showing. Thea was already at the piano. Mrs. Priest stood behind her.
“‘Rejoice Greatly’ first, please. And please don’t hurry it in there,” she put her arm over Thea’s shoulder, and indicated the passage by a sweep of her white glove. She threw out her chest, clasped her hands over her abdomen, lifted her chin, worked the muscles of her cheeks back and forth for a moment, and then began with conviction, “Re-jo-oice! Re-jo-oice!”
“‘Rejoice Greatly’ first, please. And don’t rush it in there,” she said, putting her arm around Thea’s shoulder and gesturing to the passage with a sweep of her white glove. She puffed out her chest, clasped her hands over her stomach, lifted her chin, worked the muscles in her cheeks back and forth for a moment, and then began with conviction, “Re-jo-oice! Re-jo-oice!”
Bowers paced the room with his catlike tread. When he checked Mrs. Priest’s vehemence at all, he handled her roughly; poked and hammered her massive person with cold satisfaction, almost as if he were taking out a grudge on this splendid creation. Such treatment the imposing lady did not at all resent. She tried harder and harder, her eyes growing all the while more lustrous and her lips redder. Thea played on as she was told, ignoring the singer’s struggles.
Bowers walked around the room quietly. Whenever he acknowledged Mrs. Priest’s intensity, he treated her harshly; jabbing and striking her large frame with cold satisfaction, as if he were taking out a grudge on her impressive figure. The formidable lady didn't mind this at all. Instead, she pushed herself even more, her eyes becoming increasingly bright and her lips getting redder. Thea continued to perform as directed, ignoring the singer's efforts.
When she first heard Mrs. Priest sing in church, Thea admired her. Since she had found out how dull the goodnatured soprano really was, she felt a deep contempt for her. She felt that Mrs. Priest ought to be reproved and even punished for her shortcomings; that she ought to be exposed,—at least to herself,—and not be permitted to live and shine in happy ignorance of what a poor thing it was she brought across so radiantly. Thea’s cold looks of reproof were lost upon Mrs. Priest; although the lady did murmur one day when she took Bowers home in her carriage, “How handsome your afternoon girl would be if she did not have that unfortunate squint; it gives her that vacant Swede look, like an animal.” That amused Bowers. He liked to watch the germination and growth of antipathies.
When she first heard Mrs. Priest sing in church, Thea admired her. But after discovering how dull the kind-hearted soprano really was, she felt a deep contempt for her. She believed Mrs. Priest should be criticized and even punished for her shortcomings; that she should be made aware—at least to herself—of what a poor performance she delivered so proudly. Thea’s icy glares of disapproval went unnoticed by Mrs. Priest; although one day, when she was taking Bowers home in her carriage, she remarked, “Your afternoon girl would be so beautiful if she didn’t have that unfortunate squint; it gives her that blank Swede look, like an animal.” That made Bowers laugh. He enjoyed observing the development of dislikes.
One of the first disappointments Thea had to face when she returned to Chicago that fall, was the news that the Harsanyis were not coming back. They had spent the summer in a camp in the Adirondacks and were moving to New York. An old teacher and friend of Harsanyi’s, one of the best-known piano teachers in New York, was about to retire because of failing health and had arranged to turn his pupils over to Harsanyi. Andor was to give two recitals in New York in November, to devote himself to his new students until spring, and then to go on a short concert tour. The Harsanyis had taken a furnished apartment in New York, as they would not attempt to settle a place of their own until Andor’s recitals were over. The first of December, however, Thea received a note from Mrs. Harsanyi, asking her to call at the old studio, where she was packing their goods for shipment.
One of the first disappointments Thea encountered when she returned to Chicago that fall was the news that the Harsanyis weren’t coming back. They had spent the summer at a camp in the Adirondacks and were moving to New York. An old teacher and friend of Harsanyi’s, one of the most famous piano teachers in New York, was about to retire due to health issues and had arranged to hand over his students to Harsanyi. Andor was scheduled to give two recitals in New York in November, focus on his new students until spring, and then go on a short concert tour. The Harsanyis had rented a furnished apartment in New York since they wouldn’t settle into a place of their own until after Andor’s recitals. However, on December 1st, Thea received a note from Mrs. Harsanyi, asking her to drop by the old studio, where she was packing their belongings for shipment.
The morning after this invitation reached her, Thea climbed the stairs and knocked at the familiar door. Mrs. Harsanyi herself opened it, and embraced her visitor warmly. Taking Thea into the studio, which was littered with excelsior and packing-cases, she stood holding her hand and looking at her in the strong light from the big window before she allowed her to sit down. Her quick eye saw many changes. The girl was taller, her figure had become definite, her carriage positive. She had got used to living in the body of a young woman, and she no longer tried to ignore it and behave as if she were a little girl. With that increased independence of body there had come a change in her face; an indifference, something hard and skeptical. Her clothes, too, were different, like the attire of a shopgirl who tries to follow the fashions; a purple suit, a piece of cheap fur, a three-cornered purple hat with a pompon sticking up in front. The queer country clothes she used to wear suited her much better, Mrs. Harsanyi thought. But such trifles, after all, were accidental and remediable. She put her hand on the girl’s strong shoulder.
The morning after she received the invitation, Thea climbed the stairs and knocked on the familiar door. Mrs. Harsanyi opened it herself and welcomed her warmly. Leading Thea into the studio, which was filled with excelsior and packing boxes, she held her hand and looked at her in the bright light from the large window before letting her sit down. Her sharp eye noticed many changes. The girl was taller, her figure more defined, and her posture confident. She had gotten used to living in the body of a young woman and no longer tried to ignore it or act like a little girl. With this newfound independence of body came a change in her face; there was a certain indifference, something hard and skeptical. Her clothes were also different, resembling those of a shopgirl trying to keep up with the latest trends: a purple suit, a cheap fur piece, and a three-cornered purple hat with a pompon sticking up in front. Mrs. Harsanyi thought the quirky country clothes she used to wear suited her much better. But such details, after all, were superficial and fixable. She placed her hand on the girl’s strong shoulder.
“How much the summer has done for you! Yes, you are a young lady at last. Andor will be so glad to hear about you.”
“How much summer has done for you! Yes, you’re finally a young lady. Andor will be so happy to hear about you.”
Thea looked about at the disorder of the familiar room. The pictures were piled in a corner, the piano and the chaise longue were gone. “I suppose I ought to be glad you have gone away,” she said, “but I’m not. It’s a fine thing for Mr. Harsanyi, I suppose.”
Thea glanced around at the mess in the familiar room. The pictures were stacked in a corner, and the piano and the chaise longue were missing. “I guess I should be happy you’ve left,” she said, “but I’m not. It’s great for Mr. Harsanyi, I guess.”
Mrs. Harsanyi gave her a quick glance that said more than words. “If you knew how long I have wanted to get him away from here, Miss Kronborg! He is never tired, never discouraged, now.”
Mrs. Harsanyi shot her a look that communicated more than words. “If you only knew how long I've wanted to get him away from here, Miss Kronborg! He never seems tired or discouraged now.”
Thea sighed. “I’m glad for that, then.” Her eyes traveled over the faint discolorations on the walls where the pictures had hung. “I may run away myself. I don’t know whether I can stand it here without you.”
Thea sighed. “I’m glad to hear that.” Her eyes wandered over the light stains on the walls where the pictures used to hang. “I might run away too. I’m not sure I can handle being here without you.”
“We hope that you can come to New York to study before very long. We have thought of that. And you must tell me how you are getting on with Bowers. Andor will want to know all about it.”
“We hope you can come to New York to study soon. We've been thinking about that. And you have to let me know how things are going with Bowers. Andor will want to hear all about it.”
“I guess I get on more or less. But I don’t like my work very well. It never seems serious as my work with Mr. Harsanyi did. I play Bowers’s accompaniments in the afternoons, you know. I thought I would learn a good deal from the people who work with him, but I don’t think I get much.”
“I suppose I manage okay. But I'm not a big fan of my job. It doesn't feel as meaningful as my work with Mr. Harsanyi did. I play Bowers's accompaniments in the afternoons, you know. I thought I would learn a lot from the people who work with him, but I don't think I’m getting much out of it.”
Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her inquiringly. Thea took out a carefully folded handkerchief from the bosom of her dress and began to draw the corners apart. “Singing doesn’t seem to be a very brainy profession, Mrs. Harsanyi,” she said slowly. “The people I see now are not a bit like the ones I used to meet here. Mr. Harsanyi’s pupils, even the dumb ones, had more—well, more of everything, it seems to me. The people I have to play accompaniments for are discouraging. The professionals, like Katharine Priest and Miles Murdstone, are worst of all. If I have to play ‘The Messiah’ much longer for Mrs. Priest, I’ll go out of my mind!” Thea brought her foot down sharply on the bare floor.
Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her questioningly. Thea took out a carefully folded handkerchief from the front of her dress and started to unfold it. “Singing doesn’t seem like a very smart profession, Mrs. Harsanyi,” she said slowly. “The people I see now are nothing like the ones I used to meet here. Mr. Harsanyi’s students, even the not-so-bright ones, had more—well, more of everything, it seems to me. The people I have to play for are really disappointing. The professionals, like Katharine Priest and Miles Murdstone, are the worst of all. If I have to play ‘The Messiah’ much longer for Mrs. Priest, I’ll lose my mind!” Thea brought her foot down sharply on the bare floor.
Mrs. Harsanyi looked down at the foot in perplexity. “You mustn’t wear such high heels, my dear. They will spoil your walk and make you mince along. Can’t you at least learn to avoid what you dislike in these singers? I was never able to care for Mrs. Priest’s singing.”
Mrs. Harsanyi looked down at the foot, confused. “You really shouldn’t wear such high heels, my dear. They’ll ruin your stride and make you walk awkwardly. Can’t you at least figure out how to avoid what you don’t like in these singers? I could never stand Mrs. Priest’s singing.”
Thea was sitting with her chin lowered. Without moving her head she looked up at Mrs. Harsanyi and smiled; a smile much too cold and desperate to be seen on a young face, Mrs. Harsanyi felt. “Mrs. Harsanyi, it seems to me that what I learn is just to dislike. I dislike so much and so hard that it tires me out. I’ve got no heart for anything.” She threw up her head suddenly and sat in defiance, her hand clenched on the arm of the chair. “Mr. Harsanyi couldn’t stand these people an hour, I know he couldn’t. He’d put them right out of the window there, frizzes and feathers and all. Now, take that new soprano they’re all making such a fuss about, Jessie Darcey. She’s going on tour with a symphony orchestra and she’s working up her repertory with Bowers. She’s singing some Schumann songs Mr. Harsanyi used to go over with me. Well, I don’t know what he would do if he heard her.”
Thea was sitting with her chin down. Without moving her head, she looked up at Mrs. Harsanyi and smiled; a smile that felt way too cold and desperate for someone so young, Mrs. Harsanyi thought. “Mrs. Harsanyi, it seems to me that what I learn is just to dislike. I dislike so many things, so intensely, that it wears me out. I have no heart for anything.” She suddenly lifted her head and sat defiantly, her hand clenched tightly on the arm of the chair. “Mr. Harsanyi couldn’t stand these people for even an hour, I know he couldn’t. He’d throw them right out of the window, frizzes and feathers and all. Now, take that new soprano they’re all raving about, Jessie Darcey. She’s going on tour with a symphony orchestra and she’s working on her repertoire with Bowers. She’s singing some Schumann songs that Mr. Harsanyi used to go over with me. Well, I don’t know what he would do if he heard her.”
“But if your own work goes well, and you know these people are wrong, why do you let them discourage you?”
“But if your work is going well and you know these people are wrong, why do you let them bring you down?”
Thea shook her head. “That’s just what I don’t understand myself. Only, after I’ve heard them all afternoon, I come out frozen up. Somehow it takes the shine off of everything. People want Jessie Darcey and the kind of thing she does; so what’s the use?”
Thea shook her head. “That’s exactly what I don’t get. After listening to them all afternoon, I feel completely drained. It somehow makes everything feel less exciting. People want Jessie Darcey and what she does; so what's the point?”
Mrs. Harsanyi smiled. “That stile you must simply vault over. You must not begin to fret about the successes of cheap people. After all, what have they to do with you?”
Mrs. Harsanyi smiled. “You just have to jump over that stile. Don’t start worrying about the achievements of low-class people. After all, what do they have to do with you?”
“Well, if I had somebody like Mr. Harsanyi, perhaps I wouldn’t fret about them. He was the teacher for me. Please tell him so.”
“Well, if I had someone like Mr. Harsanyi, maybe I wouldn’t worry about them. He was the right teacher for me. Please let him know.”
Thea rose and Mrs. Harsanyi took her hand again. “I am sorry you have to go through this time of discouragement. I wish Andor could talk to you, he would understand it so well. But I feel like urging you to keep clear of Mrs. Priest and Jessie Darcey and all their works.”
Thea got up, and Mrs. Harsanyi took her hand again. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this tough time. I wish Andor could talk to you; he would get it so well. But I really urge you to stay away from Mrs. Priest, Jessie Darcey, and everything they’re involved in.”
Thea laughed discordantly. “No use urging me. I don’t get on with them at all. My spine gets like a steel rail when they come near me. I liked them at first, you know. Their clothes and their manners were so fine, and Mrs. Priest is handsome. But now I keep wanting to tell them how stupid they are. Seems like they ought to be informed, don’t you think so?” There was a flash of the shrewd grin that Mrs. Harsanyi remembered. Thea pressed her hand. “I must go now. I had to give my lesson hour this morning to a Duluth woman who has come on to coach, and I must go and play ‘On Mighty Pens’ for her. Please tell Mr. Harsanyi that I think oratorio is a great chance for bluffers.”
Thea laughed awkwardly. “There’s no point in trying to convince me. I really don’t get along with them at all. I feel tense whenever they come near me. I liked them at first, you know. Their clothes and manners were so nice, and Mrs. Priest is attractive. But now I just want to tell them how foolish they are. It seems like they should know, don’t you think?” There was a hint of the clever grin that Mrs. Harsanyi remembered. Thea squeezed her hand. “I need to go now. I had to give up my lesson hour this morning to a woman from Duluth who’s here for coaching, and I need to go play ‘On Mighty Pens’ for her. Please tell Mr. Harsanyi that I think oratorio is a big opportunity for fakers.”
Mrs. Harsanyi detained her. “But he will want to know much more than that about you. You are free at seven? Come back this evening, then, and we will go to dinner somewhere, to some cheerful place. I think you need a party.”
Mrs. Harsanyi stopped her. “But he’s going to want to know a lot more than just that about you. Are you free at seven? Come back this evening, then, and we’ll go out for dinner somewhere fun. I think you need a night out.”
Thea brightened. “Oh, I do! I’ll love to come; that will be like old times. You see,” she lingered a moment, softening, “I wouldn’t mind if there were only one of them I could really admire.”
Thea smiled. “Oh, I do! I’d love to come; that’ll be just like old times. You see,” she paused for a moment, softening, “I wouldn’t mind if there were just one of them I could truly admire.”
“How about Bowers?” Mrs. Harsanyi asked as they were approaching the stairway.
“How about Bowers?” Mrs. Harsanyi asked as they were getting close to the stairs.
“Well, there’s nothing he loves like a good fakir, and nothing he hates like a good artist. I always remember something Mr. Harsanyi said about him. He said Bowers was the cold muffin that had been left on the plate.”
“Well, there’s nothing he loves more than a good fakir, and nothing he hates more than a good artist. I always remember something Mr. Harsanyi said about him. He said Bowers was the cold muffin that had been left on the plate.”
Mrs. Harsanyi stopped short at the head of the stairs and said decidedly: “I think Andor made a mistake. I can’t believe that is the right atmosphere for you. It would hurt you more than most people. It’s all wrong.”
Mrs. Harsanyi paused at the top of the stairs and said firmly: “I think Andor messed up. I can’t believe this is the right environment for you. It would affect you more than it would others. It’s all wrong.”
“Something’s wrong,” Thea called back as she clattered down the stairs in her high heels.
“Something's not right,” Thea called back as she hurried down the stairs in her high heels.
II
During that winter Thea lived in so many places that sometimes at night when she left Bowers’s studio and emerged into the street she had to stop and think for a moment to remember where she was living now and what was the best way to get there.
During that winter, Thea lived in so many places that sometimes at night when she left Bowers’s studio and stepped out onto the street, she had to pause for a moment to remember where she was currently living and the best way to get there.
When she moved into a new place her eyes challenged the beds, the carpets, the food, the mistress of the house. The boarding-houses were wretchedly conducted and Thea’s complaints sometimes took an insulting form. She quarreled with one landlady after another and moved on. When she moved into a new room, she was almost sure to hate it on sight and to begin planning to hunt another place before she unpacked her trunk. She was moody and contemptuous toward her fellow boarders, except toward the young men, whom she treated with a careless familiarity which they usually misunderstood. They liked her, however, and when she left the house after a storm, they helped her to move her things and came to see her after she got settled in a new place. But she moved so often that they soon ceased to follow her. They could see no reason for keeping up with a girl who, under her jocularity, was cold, self-centered, and unimpressionable. They soon felt that she did not admire them.
When she moved into a new place, she immediately scrutinized the beds, the carpets, the food, and the owner of the house. The boarding houses were poorly managed, and Thea’s complaints sometimes came off as insulting. She got into arguments with one landlady after another and always ended up leaving. Every time she moved into a new room, she was almost guaranteed to dislike it right away and to start planning to search for another place before she even unpacked her trunk. She was moody and dismissive toward her fellow boarders, except for the young men, whom she treated with a casual familiarity that they often misunderstood. Nevertheless, they liked her, and when she left after a big argument, they would help her move and visit her after she settled into a new place. But she moved around so much that they eventually stopped following her. They couldn't understand why they should keep up with a girl who, beneath her playful demeanor, was cold, self-centered, and hard to impress. They quickly sensed that she didn't admire them.
Thea used to waken up in the night and wonder why she was so unhappy. She would have been amazed if she had known how much the people whom she met in Bowers’s studio had to do with her low spirits. She had never been conscious of those instinctive standards which are called ideals, and she did not know that she was suffering for them. She often found herself sneering when she was on a street-car, or when she was brushing out her hair before her mirror, as some inane remark or too familiar mannerism flitted across her mind.
Thea would wake up at night and wonder why she felt so miserable. She would have been shocked to realize how much the people she met in Bowers's studio contributed to her bad mood. She had never been aware of those instinctive benchmarks known as ideals, and she didn't understand that she was aching for them. She often caught herself scoffing while riding a streetcar or brushing her hair in front of the mirror, as some silly comment or overly familiar behavior popped into her head.
She felt no creature kindness, no tolerant good-will for Mrs. Priest or Jessie Darcey. After one of Jessie Darcey’s concerts the glowing press notices, and the admiring comments that floated about Bowers’s studio, caused Thea bitter unhappiness. It was not the torment of personal jealousy. She had never thought of herself as even a possible rival of Miss Darcey. She was a poor music student, and Jessie Darcey was a popular and petted professional. Mrs. Priest, whatever one held against her, had a fine, big, showy voice and an impressive presence. She read indifferently, was inaccurate, and was always putting other people wrong, but she at least had the material out of which singers can be made. But people seemed to like Jessie Darcey exactly because she could not sing; because, as they put it, she was “so natural and unprofessional.” Her singing was pronounced “artless,” her voice “birdlike.” Miss Darcey was thin and awkward in person, with a sharp, sallow face. Thea noticed that her plainness was accounted to her credit, and that people spoke of it affectionately. Miss Darcey was singing everywhere just then; one could not help hearing about her. She was backed by some of the packing-house people and by the Chicago Northwestern Railroad. Only one critic raised his voice against her. Thea went to several of Jessie Darcey’s concerts. It was the first time she had had an opportunity to observe the whims of the public which singers live by interesting. She saw that people liked in Miss Darcey every quality a singer ought not to have, and especially the nervous complacency that stamped her as a commonplace young woman. They seemed to have a warmer feeling for Jessie than for Mrs. Priest, an affectionate and cherishing regard. Chicago was not so very different from Moonstone, after all, and Jessie Darcey was only Lily Fisher under another name.
She felt no kindness or goodwill towards Mrs. Priest or Jessie Darcey. After one of Jessie Darcey’s concerts, the glowing reviews and admiring comments floating around Bowers’s studio made Thea extremely unhappy. It wasn’t the pain of jealousy; she never saw herself as a rival to Miss Darcey. She was just a struggling music student, while Jessie Darcey was a popular and pampered professional. No matter how one felt about her, Mrs. Priest had a big, impressive voice and a strong stage presence. She read poorly, was often inaccurate, and frequently got things wrong, but at least she had the raw talent that good singers could be made from. People seemed to like Jessie Darcey precisely because she couldn’t sing; they said she was “so natural and unprofessional.” Her singing was called “artless,” and her voice “birdlike.” Miss Darcey was thin and awkward, with a sharp, sallow face. Thea noticed that her plainness was viewed positively, and people talked about it fondly. Miss Darcey was performing everywhere at that time; it was impossible not to hear about her. She had support from some packing-house owners and the Chicago Northwestern Railroad. Only one critic spoke out against her. Thea attended several of Jessie Darcey’s concerts. It was the first time she had the chance to observe the public's fickle tastes that singers have to navigate. She realized that people liked Miss Darcy for every quality a singer shouldn’t have, especially the nervous self-satisfaction that made her seem like an ordinary young woman. They seemed to have warmer feelings for Jessie than for Mrs. Priest, showing her an affectionate and caring regard. Chicago wasn’t all that different from Moonstone, after all, and Jessie Darcey was just Lily Fisher under a different name.
Thea particularly hated to accompany for Miss Darcey because she sang off pitch and didn’t mind it in the least. It was excruciating to sit there day after day and hear her; there was something shameless and indecent about not singing true.
Thea really hated playing for Miss Darcey because she sang out of tune and didn’t care at all. It was painful to sit there every day and listen to her; there was something shameless and wrong about not singing accurately.
One morning Miss Darcey came by appointment to go over the programme for her Peoria concert. She was such a frail-looking girl that Thea ought to have felt sorry for her. True, she had an arch, sprightly little manner, and a flash of salmon-pink on either brown cheek. But a narrow upper jaw gave her face a pinched look, and her eyelids were heavy and relaxed. By the morning light, the purplish brown circles under her eyes were pathetic enough, and foretold no long or brilliant future. A singer with a poor digestion and low vitality; she needed no seer to cast her horoscope. If Thea had ever taken the pains to study her, she would have seen that, under all her smiles and archness, poor Miss Darcey was really frightened to death. She could not understand her success any more than Thea could; she kept catching her breath and lifting her eyebrows and trying to believe that it was true. Her loquacity was not natural, she forced herself to it, and when she confided to you how many defects she could overcome by her unusual command of head resonance, she was not so much trying to persuade you as to persuade herself.
One morning, Miss Darcey came as scheduled to discuss the program for her Peoria concert. She looked so delicate that Thea should have felt sympathy for her. True, she had a playful, lively demeanor, and a hint of salmon-pink on each brown cheek. But a narrow upper jaw gave her face a drawn appearance, and her eyelids drooped. In the morning light, the purplish-brown circles under her eyes were quite sad and suggested a short, unremarkable future. A singer with poor digestion and low energy, she didn’t need a fortune-teller to predict her path. If Thea had bothered to observe her more closely, she would have realized that, beneath all her smiles and playfulness, poor Miss Darcey was genuinely terrified. She couldn’t make sense of her success any more than Thea could; she kept gasping and raising her eyebrows, trying to convince herself it was real. Her chatter wasn’t spontaneous; she forced herself to be talkative, and when she confessed how many flaws she could overcome with her exceptional head resonance, she wasn’t just trying to convince you but was really trying to convince herself.
When she took a note that was high for her, Miss Darcey always put her right hand out into the air, as if she were indicating height, or giving an exact measurement. Some early teacher had told her that she could “place” a tone more surely by the help of such a gesture, and she firmly believed that it was of great assistance to her. (Even when she was singing in public, she kept her right hand down with difficulty, nervously clasping her white kid fingers together when she took a high note. Thea could always see her elbows stiffen.) She unvaryingly executed this gesture with a smile of gracious confidence, as if she were actually putting her finger on the tone: “There it is, friends!”
When Miss Darcey hit a high note, she always raised her right hand into the air, as if she were showing the height or giving an exact measurement. An early teacher had told her that this gesture could help her "place" a tone more accurately, and she truly believed it made a big difference. (Even when she sang in public, she struggled to keep her right hand down, nervously clasping her white kid fingers together when hitting a high note. Thea could always see her elbows stiffen.) She consistently performed this gesture with a smile of confident grace, as if she were actually pointing to the tone: "There it is, friends!"
This morning, in Gounod’s “Ave Maria,” as Miss Darcey approached her B natural,—
This morning, in Gounod’s “Ave Maria,” as Miss Darcey reached her B natural,—
Dans—nos a-lár———mes!
Dans—nos a-lár———mes!
Out went the hand, with the sure airy gesture, though it was little above A she got with her voice, whatever she touched with her finger. Often Bowers let such things pass—with the right people—but this morning he snapped his jaws together and muttered, “God!” Miss Darcey tried again, with the same gesture as of putting the crowning touch, tilting her head and smiling radiantly at Bowers, as if to say, “It is for you I do all this!”
Out went the hand, with a confident, light motion, though it was barely above A she managed with her voice, whatever she touched with her finger. Often Bowers let stuff like this slide—with the right people—but this morning he clenched his jaws and muttered, "God!" Miss Darcey tried again, with the same gesture as if she were adding the final touch, tilting her head and smiling brightly at Bowers, as if to say, "I'm doing all this for you!"
Dans—nos a—lár———mes!
Dans—nos a—lár———mes!
This time she made B flat, and went on in the happy belief that she had done well enough, when she suddenly found that her accompanist was not going on with her, and this put her out completely.
This time she hit B flat and continued on, happily believing she had done well enough, when she suddenly realized that her accompanist wasn’t following her, and this threw her off completely.
She turned to Thea, whose hands had fallen in her lap. “Oh why did you stop just there! It is too trying! Now we’d better go back to that other crescendo and try it from there.”
She turned to Thea, whose hands had dropped into her lap. “Oh, why did you stop right there! It’s so frustrating! Now we should go back to that other crescendo and try it from there.”
“I beg your pardon,” Thea muttered. “I thought you wanted to get that B natural.” She began again, as Miss Darcey indicated.
“I’m sorry,” Thea mumbled. “I thought you wanted to hit that B natural.” She started over, as Miss Darcey signaled.
After the singer was gone, Bowers walked up to Thea and asked languidly, “Why do you hate Jessie so? Her little variations from pitch are between her and her public; they don’t hurt you. Has she ever done anything to you except be very agreeable?”
After the singer left, Bowers approached Thea and asked casually, “Why do you dislike Jessie so much? Her minor pitch imperfections are between her and her audience; they don’t affect you. Has she ever done anything to you besides being quite pleasant?”
“Yes, she has done things to me,” Thea retorted hotly.
“Yes, she has done things to me,” Thea snapped back angrily.
Bowers looked interested. “What, for example?”
Bowers seemed intrigued. “Like what, for instance?”
“I can’t explain, but I’ve got it in for her.”
“I can’t explain it, but I’ve got a grudge against her.”
Bowers laughed. “No doubt about that. I’ll have to suggest that you conceal it a little more effectually. That is—necessary, Miss Kronborg,” he added, looking back over the shoulder of the overcoat he was putting on.
Bowers laughed. “No doubt about that. I’ll have to suggest that you hide it a little more effectively. That is—necessary, Miss Kronborg,” he added, glancing back over his shoulder as he put on the overcoat.
He went out to lunch and Thea thought the subject closed. But late in the afternoon, when he was taking his dyspepsia tablet and a glass of water between lessons, he looked up and said in a voice ironically coaxing:—
He went out for lunch, and Thea assumed that was the end of the topic. But later in the afternoon, while he was taking his antacid tablet with a glass of water between classes, he looked up and said in a teasingly encouraging tone:—
“Miss Kronborg, I wish you would tell me why you hate Jessie.”
“Miss Kronborg, I wish you would tell me why you dislike Jessie.”
Taken by surprise Thea put down the score she was reading and answered before she knew what she was saying, “I hate her for the sake of what I used to think a singer might be.”
Taken by surprise, Thea put down the score she was reading and answered before she realized what she was saying, “I hate her for what I used to think a singer could be.”
Bowers balanced the tablet on the end of his long forefinger and whistled softly. “And how did you form your conception of what a singer ought to be?” he asked.
Bowers balanced the tablet on the tip of his long finger and whistled softly. “So how did you come up with your idea of what a singer should be?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Thea flushed and spoke under her breath; “but I suppose I got most of it from Harsanyi.”
“I don’t know.” Thea blushed and murmured; “but I guess I got most of it from Harsanyi.”
Bowers made no comment upon this reply, but opened the door for the next pupil, who was waiting in the reception-room.
Bowers didn’t say anything in response to this reply but opened the door for the next student who was waiting in the reception area.
It was dark when Thea left the studio that night. She knew she had offended Bowers. Somehow she had hurt herself, too. She felt unequal to the boarding-house table, the sneaking divinity student who sat next her and had tried to kiss her on the stairs last night. She went over to the waterside of Michigan Avenue and walked along beside the lake. It was a clear, frosty winter night. The great empty space over the water was restful and spoke of freedom. If she had any money at all, she would go away. The stars glittered over the wide black water. She looked up at them wearily and shook her head. She believed that what she felt was despair, but it was only one of the forms of hope. She felt, indeed, as if she were bidding the stars good-bye; but she was renewing a promise. Though their challenge is universal and eternal, the stars get no answer but that,—the brief light flashed back to them from the eyes of the young who unaccountably aspire.
It was dark when Thea left the studio that night. She knew she had upset Bowers. Somehow, she had hurt herself, too. She felt out of place at the boarding-house table, especially with the sneaky divinity student next to her who had tried to kiss her on the stairs the night before. She walked over to the lakeside of Michigan Avenue and strolled along by the lake. It was a crisp, frosty winter night. The vast empty space above the water felt calming and hinted at freedom. If she had any money at all, she would leave. The stars sparkled over the wide black water. She gazed up at them tiredly and shook her head. She believed what she felt was despair, but it was just another form of hope. She felt as if she were saying goodbye to the stars; yet she was renewing a promise. Though their challenge is universal and eternal, the stars receive no response but that—the brief light reflected back to them from the eyes of the young who inexplicably yearn for more.
The rich, noisy, city, fat with food and drink, is a spent thing; its chief concern is its digestion and its little game of hide-and-seek with the undertaker. Money and office and success are the consolations of impotence. Fortune turns kind to such solid people and lets them suck their bone in peace. She flecks her whip upon flesh that is more alive, upon that stream of hungry boys and girls who tramp the streets of every city, recognizable by their pride and discontent, who are the Future, and who possess the treasure of creative power.
The vibrant, noisy city, overflowing with food and drink, feels drained; its main focus is on digestion and its little game of hide-and-seek with the undertaker. Money, status, and success serve as comforts for those who feel powerless. Luck smiles on these solid people, allowing them to enjoy their rewards in peace. She cracks her whip on those who are more alive, on the stream of hungry boys and girls who walk the streets of every city, distinguishable by their pride and dissatisfaction, who represent the Future and hold the treasure of creative potential.
III
While her living arrangements were so casual and fortuitous, Bowers’s studio was the one fixed thing in Thea’s life. She went out from it to uncertainties, and hastened to it from nebulous confusion. She was more influenced by Bowers than she knew. Unconsciously she began to take on something of his dry contempt, and to share his grudge without understanding exactly what it was about. His cynicism seemed to her honest, and the amiability of his pupils artificial. She admired his drastic treatment of his dull pupils. The stupid deserved all they got, and more. Bowers knew that she thought him a very clever man.
While her living situation was pretty casual and random, Bowers’s studio was the only stable thing in Thea’s life. She stepped out into uncertainties and rushed back to it from confusing situations. She was more influenced by Bowers than she realized. Without even noticing, she started to adopt some of his dry disdain and held onto his resentment without fully grasping what it was about. His cynicism felt genuine to her, while the kindness of his students seemed fake. She admired his tough approach to his less capable students. The clueless deserved everything they got, and more. Bowers knew she thought he was a very clever man.
One afternoon when Bowers came in from lunch Thea handed him a card on which he read the name, “Mr. Philip Frederick Ottenburg.”
One afternoon when Bowers came back from lunch, Thea gave him a card that said, “Mr. Philip Frederick Ottenburg.”
“He said he would be in again to-morrow and that he wanted some time. Who is he? I like him better than the others.”
“He said he would be back tomorrow and that he needed some time. Who is he? I like him better than the others.”
Bowers nodded. “So do I. He’s not a singer. He’s a beer prince: son of the big brewer in St. Louis. He’s been in Germany with his mother. I didn’t know he was back.”
Bowers nodded. “Me too. He’s not a singer. He’s a beer prince: the son of the big brewer in St. Louis. He’s been in Germany with his mom. I didn’t know he was back.”
“Does he take lessons?”
“Is he taking lessons?”
“Now and again. He sings rather well. He’s at the head of the Chicago branch of the Ottenburg business, but he can’t stick to work and is always running away. He has great ideas in beer, people tell me. He’s what they call an imaginative business man; goes over to Bayreuth and seems to do nothing but give parties and spend money, and brings back more good notions for the brewery than the fellows who sit tight dig out in five years. I was born too long ago to be much taken in by these chesty boys with flowered vests, but I like Fred, all the same.”
"Every now and then, he sings pretty well. He leads the Chicago branch of the Ottenburg business, but he can't stay focused on work and is always off doing something else. People say he has great ideas about beer. He’s what you'd call an imaginative businessman; he goes to Bayreuth and seems to do nothing but throw parties and spend money, yet he comes back with more good ideas for the brewery than the guys who stick around for five years. I was born too long ago to be easily impressed by these flashy guys in flowery vests, but I still like Fred."
“So do I,” said Thea positively.
“So do I,” Thea said confidently.
Bowers made a sound between a cough and a laugh. “Oh, he’s a lady-killer, all right! The girls in here are always making eyes at him. You won’t be the first.” He threw some sheets of music on the piano. “Better look that over; accompaniment’s a little tricky. It’s for that new woman from Detroit. And Mrs. Priest will be in this afternoon.”
Bowers made a noise that was somewhere between a cough and a laugh. “Oh, he’s definitely a lady-killer! The girls around here are always checking him out. You won’t be the first.” He tossed some sheets of music onto the piano. “Better take a look at that; the accompaniment’s a bit tricky. It’s for the new woman from Detroit. And Mrs. Priest will be in this afternoon.”
Thea sighed. “‘I Know that my Redeemer Liveth’?”
Thea sighed. “‘I Know that my Redeemer Lives’?”
“The same. She starts on her concert tour next week, and we’ll have a rest. Until then, I suppose we’ll have to be going over her programme.”
“The same. She starts her concert tour next week, and we’ll get a break. Until then, I guess we’ll need to go over her program.”
The next day Thea hurried through her luncheon at a German bakery and got back to the studio at ten minutes past one. She felt sure that the young brewer would come early, before it was time for Bowers to arrive. He had not said he would, but yesterday, when he opened the door to go, he had glanced about the room and at her, and something in his eye had conveyed that suggestion.
The next day, Thea rushed through her lunch at a German bakery and returned to the studio at ten minutes after one. She was confident that the young brewer would come early, before Bowers was due to arrive. He hadn’t mentioned it, but yesterday, when he opened the door to leave, he had looked around the room and at her, and something in his eye had suggested it.
Sure enough, at twenty minutes past one the door of the reception-room opened, and a tall, robust young man with a cane and an English hat and ulster looked in expectantly. “Ah—ha!” he exclaimed, “I thought if I came early I might have good luck. And how are you to-day, Miss Kronborg?”
Sure enough, at twenty minutes past one, the door to the reception room opened, and a tall, strong young man with a cane and an English hat and coat looked in expectantly. “Ah—ha!” he exclaimed, “I thought if I arrived early, I might get lucky. How are you today, Miss Kronborg?”
Thea was sitting in the window chair. At her left elbow there was a table, and upon this table the young man sat down, holding his hat and cane in his hand, loosening his long coat so that it fell back from his shoulders. He was a gleaming, florid young fellow. His hair, thick and yellow, was cut very short, and he wore a closely trimmed beard, long enough on the chin to curl a little. Even his eyebrows were thick and yellow, like fleece. He had lively blue eyes—Thea looked up at them with great interest as he sat chatting and swinging his foot rhythmically. He was easily familiar, and frankly so. Wherever people met young Ottenburg, in his office, on shipboard, in a foreign hotel or railway compartment, they always felt (and usually liked) that artless presumption which seemed to say, “In this case we may waive formalities. We really haven’t time. This is to-day, but it will soon be to-morrow, and then we may be very different people, and in some other country.” He had a way of floating people out of dull or awkward situations, out of their own torpor or constraint or discouragement. It was a marked personal talent, of almost incalculable value in the representative of a great business founded on social amenities. Thea had liked him yesterday for the way in which he had picked her up out of herself and her German grammar for a few exciting moments.
Thea was sitting in the window chair. To her left, there was a table, and on this table, the young man sat down, holding his hat and cane in his hand, loosening his long coat so it fell back from his shoulders. He was a bright, colorful young guy. His thick, yellow hair was cut very short, and he had a neatly trimmed beard that curled a bit at the chin. Even his eyebrows were thick and yellow, like fleece. He had lively blue eyes—Thea looked up at them with great interest as he chatted and swung his foot rhythmically. He was easily familiar and very straightforward about it. Wherever people met young Ottenburg, whether in his office, on a ship, in a foreign hotel, or on a train, they always felt (and usually appreciated) that simple confidence he had that seemed to say, “Let’s skip the formalities. We don’t have time. This is today, but soon it’ll be tomorrow, and then we could be very different people in a completely different place.” He had a knack for lifting people out of dull or awkward situations, pulling them out of their own laziness, shyness, or discouragement. It was a standout personal talent, incredibly valuable for someone representing a big business built on social interactions. Thea had liked him yesterday for how he had pulled her out of her shell and her German grammar for some exciting moments.
“By the way, will you tell me your first name, please? Thea? Oh, then you are a Swede, sure enough! I thought so. Let me call you Miss Thea, after the German fashion. You won’t mind? Of course not!” He usually made his assumption of a special understanding seem a tribute to the other person and not to himself.
“By the way, can you tell me your first name, please? Thea? Oh, so you are definitely a Swede! I figured as much. I'll call you Miss Thea, like they do in Germany. You don’t mind, right? Of course not!” He usually made it seem like his assumption of a special connection was a compliment to the other person rather than to himself.
“How long have you been with Bowers here? Do you like the old grouch? So do I. I’ve come to tell him about a new soprano I heard at Bayreuth. He’ll pretend not to care, but he does. Do you warble with him? Have you anything of a voice? Honest? You look it, you know. What are you going in for, something big? Opera?”
“How long have you been at Bowers? Do you like the old grouch? So do I. I’m here to tell him about a new soprano I heard at Bayreuth. He’ll act like he’s not interested, but he really is. Do you sing with him? Do you have any kind of voice? Honestly? You look like you might. What are you aiming for, something big? Opera?”
Thea blushed crimson. “Oh, I’m not going in for anything. I’m trying to learn to sing at funerals.”
Thea blushed bright red. “Oh, I’m not getting into anything. I’m just trying to learn how to sing at funerals.”
Ottenburg leaned forward. His eyes twinkled. “I’ll engage you to sing at mine. You can’t fool me, Miss Thea. May I hear you take your lesson this afternoon?”
Ottenburg leaned forward. His eyes sparkled. “I’ll book you to sing at my place. You can’t trick me, Miss Thea. Can I hear you practice this afternoon?”
“No, you may not. I took it this morning.”
“No, you can’t. I took it this morning.”
He picked up a roll of music that lay behind him on the table. “Is this yours? Let me see what you are doing.”
He grabbed a sheet of music that was lying behind him on the table. “Is this yours? Let me see what you’re working on.”
He snapped back the clasp and began turning over the songs. “All very fine, but tame. What’s he got you at this Mozart stuff for? I shouldn’t think it would suit your voice. Oh, I can make a pretty good guess at what will suit you! This from ‘Gioconda’ is more in your line. What’s this Grieg? It looks interesting. Tak for Ditt Råd. What does that mean?”
He unhooked the clasp and started flipping through the songs. “All nice, but boring. Why are you doing this Mozart stuff? I wouldn’t think it fits your voice. Oh, I have a good idea of what would suit you! This piece from ‘Gioconda’ is more your style. What’s this Grieg? It looks intriguing. Tak for Ditt Råd. What does that mean?”
“‘Thanks for your Advice.’ Don’t you know it?”
“‘Thanks for your advice.’ Don’t you know that?”
“No; not at all. Let’s try it.” He rose, pushed open the door into the music-room, and motioned Thea to enter before him. She hung back.
“No, not at all. Let’s give it a shot.” He stood up, opened the door to the music room, and gestured for Thea to go in first. She hesitated.
“I couldn’t give you much of an idea of it. It’s a big song.”
“I can’t really describe it well. It’s a big song.”
Ottenburg took her gently by the elbow and pushed her into the other room. He sat down carelessly at the piano and looked over the music for a moment. “I think I can get you through it. But how stupid not to have the German words. Can you really sing the Norwegian? What an infernal language to sing. Translate the text for me.” He handed her the music.
Ottenburg gently took her by the elbow and guided her into the other room. He casually sat down at the piano and glanced over the music for a moment. “I think I can help you with this. But it’s so dumb not to have the German lyrics. Can you actually sing the Norwegian? What a terrible language for singing. Translate the lyrics for me.” He handed her the music.
Thea looked at it, then at him, and shook her head. “I can’t. The truth is I don’t know either English or Swedish very well, and Norwegian’s still worse,” she said confidentially. She not infrequently refused to do what she was asked to do, but it was not like her to explain her refusal, even when she had a good reason.
Thea looked at it, then at him, and shook her head. “I can’t. The truth is I don’t know English or Swedish very well, and my Norwegian is even worse,” she said quietly. She often turned down requests, but it wasn’t typical for her to explain her reasons, even when she had a good one.
“I understand. We immigrants never speak any language well. But you know what it means, don’t you?”
“I get it. We immigrants never really speak any language perfectly. But you know what it means, right?”
“Of course I do!”
"Definitely!"
“Then don’t frown at me like that, but tell me.”
“Then don’t give me that look, just tell me.”
Thea continued to frown, but she also smiled. She was confused, but not embarrassed. She was not afraid of Ottenburg. He was not one of those people who made her spine like a steel rail. On the contrary, he made one venturesome.
Thea kept frowning, but she also smiled. She felt confused but wasn’t embarrassed. She wasn’t afraid of Ottenburg. He wasn’t one of those people who made her feel tense. Instead, he made her feel adventurous.
“Well, it goes something like this: Thanks for your advice! But I prefer to steer my boat into the din of roaring breakers. Even if the journey is my last, I may find what I have never found before. Onward must I go, for I yearn for the wild sea. I long to fight my way through the angry waves, and to see how far, and how long I can make them carry me.”
“Well, it goes something like this: Thanks for your advice! But I prefer to steer my boat into the noise of crashing waves. Even if the journey is my last, I might discover something I’ve never found before. I must move forward, because I crave the wild sea. I want to battle through the furious waves and see how far and how long they can take me.”
Ottenburg took the music and began: “Wait a moment. Is that too fast? How do you take it? That right?” He pulled up his cuffs and began the accompaniment again. He had become entirely serious, and he played with fine enthusiasm and with understanding.
Ottenburg picked up the music and said, “Hold on a second. Is that too quick? How do you feel about it? Is that right?” He rolled up his sleeves and started the accompaniment again. He was completely focused now, playing with great enthusiasm and understanding.
Fred’s talent was worth almost as much to old Otto Ottenburg as the steady industry of his older sons. When Fred sang the Prize Song at an interstate meet of the Turnverein, ten thousand Turners went forth pledged to Ottenburg beer.
Fred’s talent was almost as valuable to old Otto Ottenburg as the hard work of his older sons. When Fred sang the Prize Song at an interstate meet of the Turnverein, ten thousand Turners vowed to drink Ottenburg beer.
As Thea finished the song Fred turned back to the first page, without looking up from the music. “Now, once more,” he called. They began again, and did not hear Bowers when he came in and stood in the doorway. He stood still, blinking like an owl at their two heads shining in the sun. He could not see their faces, but there was something about his girl’s back that he had not noticed before: a very slight and yet very free motion, from the toes up. Her whole back seemed plastic, seemed to be moulding itself to the galloping rhythm of the song. Bowers perceived such things sometimes—unwillingly. He had known to-day that there was something afoot. The river of sound which had its source in his pupil had caught him two flights down. He had stopped and listened with a kind of sneering admiration. From the door he watched her with a half-incredulous, half-malicious smile.
As Thea finished the song, Fred turned back to the first page without looking up from the music. “Now, once more,” he called. They started again and didn’t notice Bowers when he came in and stood in the doorway. He stood still, blinking like an owl at their two heads shining in the sun. He couldn’t see their faces, but there was something about his girl’s back that he hadn’t noticed before: a very slight yet very free movement, from her toes up. Her whole back seemed flexible, almost molding itself to the galloping rhythm of the song. Bowers noticed things like this sometimes—against his will. He had sensed today that something was going on. The sound that originated from his student had drawn him in from two flights down. He had stopped and listened with a kind of sneering admiration. From the door, he watched her with a half-doubtful, half-malevolent smile.
When he had struck the keys for the last time, Ottenburg dropped his hands on his knees and looked up with a quick breath. “I got you through. What a stunning song! Did I play it right?”
When he hit the keys for the last time, Ottenburg dropped his hands onto his knees and looked up, breathing quickly. “I got you through. What an amazing song! Did I play it correctly?”
Thea studied his excited face. There was a good deal of meaning in it, and there was a good deal in her own as she answered him. “You suited me,” she said ungrudgingly.
Thea looked at his excited face. There was a lot of meaning in it, and there was a lot in her own as she replied. “You were a good match for me,” she said openly.
After Ottenburg was gone, Thea noticed that Bowers was more agreeable than usual. She had heard the young brewer ask Bowers to dine with him at his club that evening, and she saw that he looked forward to the dinner with pleasure. He dropped a remark to the effect that Fred knew as much about food and wines as any man in Chicago. He said this boastfully.
After Ottenburg left, Thea realized that Bowers was more friendly than usual. She had heard the young brewer invite Bowers to dinner at his club that evening, and she could see that he was looking forward to it. He casually mentioned that Fred knew as much about food and wine as anyone in Chicago. He said this with pride.
“If he’s such a grand business man, how does he have time to run around listening to singing-lessons?” Thea asked suspiciously.
“If he’s such a great businessman, how does he have time to run around listening to singing lessons?” Thea asked suspiciously.
As she went home to her boarding-house through the February slush, she wished she were going to dine with them. At nine o’clock she looked up from her grammar to wonder what Bowers and Ottenburg were having to eat. At that moment they were talking of her.
As she walked home to her boarding house through the February slush, she wished she were going to have dinner with them. At nine o’clock, she looked up from her grammar book to wonder what Bowers and Ottenburg were eating. At that moment, they were discussing her.
IV
Thea noticed that Bowers took rather more pains with her now that Fred Ottenburg often dropped in at eleven-thirty to hear her lesson. After the lesson the young man took Bowers off to lunch with him, and Bowers liked good food when another man paid for it. He encouraged Fred’s visits, and Thea soon saw that Fred knew exactly why.
Thea noticed that Bowers was putting in a lot more effort with her now that Fred Ottenburg frequently dropped by at eleven-thirty to listen to her lesson. After the lesson, the young man would take Bowers out to lunch, and Bowers appreciated good food when someone else was paying. He welcomed Fred’s visits, and Thea quickly realized that Fred was fully aware of the reason behind it.
One morning, after her lesson, Ottenburg turned to Bowers. “If you’ll lend me Miss Thea, I think I have an engagement for her. Mrs. Henry Nathanmeyer is going to give three musical evenings in April, first three Saturdays, and she has consulted me about soloists. For the first evening she has a young violinist, and she would be charmed to have Miss Kronborg. She will pay fifty dollars. Not much, but Miss Thea would meet some people there who might be useful. What do you say?”
One morning, after her lesson, Ottenburg turned to Bowers. “If you’ll let me borrow Miss Thea, I think I have a gig for her. Mrs. Henry Nathanmeyer is planning three musical evenings in April, on the first three Saturdays, and she’s asked me for suggestions on soloists. For the first evening, she has a young violinist, and she would love to have Miss Kronborg perform. She’ll pay fifty dollars. It’s not a lot, but Miss Thea would meet some people there who might be helpful. What do you think?”
Bowers passed the question on to Thea. “I guess you could use the fifty, couldn’t you, Miss Kronborg? You can easily work up some songs.”
Bowers turned to Thea with the question. “I guess you could use the fifty, right, Miss Kronborg? You can easily put together some songs.”
Thea was perplexed. “I need the money awfully,” she said frankly; “but I haven’t got the right clothes for that sort of thing. I suppose I’d better try to get some.”
Thea was confused. “I really need the money,” she said honestly; “but I don't have the right clothes for that kind of thing. I guess I should try to get some.”
Ottenburg spoke up quickly, “Oh, you’d make nothing out of it if you went to buying evening clothes. I’ve thought of that. Mrs. Nathanmeyer has a troop of daughters, a perfect seraglio, all ages and sizes. She’ll be glad to fit you out, if you aren’t sensitive about wearing kosher clothes. Let me take you to see her, and you’ll find that she’ll arrange that easily enough. I told her she must produce something nice, blue or yellow, and properly cut. I brought half a dozen Worth gowns through the customs for her two weeks ago, and she’s not ungrateful. When can we go to see her?”
Ottenburg quickly spoke up, “Oh, you won't get anywhere by buying evening clothes. I've thought about it. Mrs. Nathanmeyer has a whole bunch of daughters, like a perfect harem, all different ages and sizes. She’ll be happy to get you set up, as long as you’re not picky about wearing kosher clothes. Let me take you to see her, and you'll see she can arrange it easily. I told her she needs to create something nice, blue or yellow, and well-cut. I brought her half a dozen Worth gowns through customs two weeks ago, and she's definitely appreciative. When can we go see her?”
“I haven’t any time free, except at night,” Thea replied in some confusion.
“I don’t have any free time, except at night,” Thea replied, feeling a bit confused.
“To-morrow evening, then? I shall call for you at eight. Bring all your songs along; she will want us to give her a little rehearsal, perhaps. I’ll play your accompaniments, if you’ve no objection. That will save money for you and for Mrs. Nathanmeyer. She needs it.” Ottenburg chuckled as he took down the number of Thea’s boarding-house.
“Tomorrow evening, then? I’ll pick you up at eight. Bring all your songs; she might want us to have a little rehearsal. I’ll play your accompaniments, if that’s okay with you. That’ll save you and Mrs. Nathanmeyer some money. She could use it.” Ottenburg laughed as he wrote down the address of Thea’s boarding house.
The Nathanmeyers were so rich and great that even Thea had heard of them, and this seemed a very remarkable opportunity. Ottenburg had brought it about by merely lifting a finger, apparently. He was a beer prince sure enough, as Bowers had said.
The Nathanmeyers were so wealthy and influential that even Thea had heard of them, and this felt like a really incredible opportunity. Ottenburg had made it happen by simply raising a finger, it seemed. He was definitely a beer prince, just like Bowers had mentioned.
The next evening at a quarter to eight Thea was dressed and waiting in the boarding-house parlor. She was nervous and fidgety and found it difficult to sit still on the hard, convex upholstery of the chairs. She tried them one after another, moving about the dimly lighted, musty room, where the gas always leaked gently and sang in the burners. There was no one in the parlor but the medical student, who was playing one of Sousa’s marches so vigorously that the china ornaments on the top of the piano rattled. In a few moments some of the pension-office girls would come in and begin to two-step. Thea wished that Ottenburg would come and let her escape. She glanced at herself in the long, somber mirror. She was wearing her pale-blue broadcloth church dress, which was not unbecoming but was certainly too heavy to wear to anybody’s house in the evening. Her slippers were run over at the heel and she had not had time to have them mended, and her white gloves were not so clean as they should be. However, she knew that she would forget these annoying things as soon as Ottenburg came.
The next evening at 7:45, Thea was dressed and waiting in the boarding-house living room. She felt nervous and restless, finding it hard to sit still on the stiff, rounded chairs. She tried each one in turn, moving around the dimly lit, musty room where the gas lights gently leaked and hummed in the burners. The only other person in the room was a medical student who was playing one of Sousa’s marches so energetically that the china decorations on top of the piano rattled. In a few minutes, some of the pension-office girls would come in and start dancing. Thea wished Ottenburg would arrive soon so she could escape. She glanced at her reflection in the long, dark mirror. She was wearing her pale-blue broadcloth church dress, which looked good but was definitely too heavy for an evening at someone’s house. Her slippers were worn out at the heels and she hadn’t had time to get them fixed, and her white gloves weren’t as clean as they should be. However, she knew she would forget these annoying details as soon as Ottenburg showed up.
Mary, the Hungarian chambermaid, came to the door, stood between the plush portières, beckoned to Thea, and made an inarticulate sound in her throat. Thea jumped up and ran into the hall, where Ottenburg stood smiling, his caped cloak open, his silk hat in his white-kid hand. The Hungarian girl stood like a monument on her flat heels, staring at the pink carnation in Ottenburg’s coat. Her broad, pockmarked face wore the only expression of which it was capable, a kind of animal wonder. As the young man followed Thea out, he glanced back over his shoulder through the crack of the door; the Hun clapped her hands over her stomach, opened her mouth, and made another raucous sound in her throat.
Mary, the Hungarian maid, came to the door, stood between the plush curtains, signaled to Thea, and made a muffled sound in her throat. Thea jumped up and ran into the hall, where Ottenburg stood smiling, his caped cloak open, his silk hat in his white-gloved hand. The Hungarian girl stood like a statue on her flat heels, staring at the pink carnation in Ottenburg’s coat. Her broad, pockmarked face displayed the only expression it could manage, a kind of animal wonder. As the young man followed Thea out, he glanced back over his shoulder through the crack of the door; the maid clapped her hands over her stomach, opened her mouth, and made another harsh sound in her throat.
“Isn’t she awful?” Thea exclaimed. “I think she’s half-witted. Can you understand her?”
“Isn’t she terrible?” Thea exclaimed. “I think she’s dim-witted. Can you understand her?”
Ottenburg laughed as he helped her into the carriage. “Oh, yes; I can understand her!” He settled himself on the front seat opposite Thea. “Now, I want to tell you about the people we are going to see. We may have a musical public in this country some day, but as yet there are only the Germans and the Jews. All the other people go to hear Jessie Darcey sing, ‘O, Promise Me!’ The Nathanmeyers are the finest kind of Jews. If you do anything for Mrs. Henry Nathanmeyer, you must put yourself into her hands. Whatever she says about music, about clothes, about life, will be correct. And you may feel at ease with her. She expects nothing of people; she has lived in Chicago twenty years. If you were to behave like the Magyar who was so interested in my buttonhole, she would not be surprised. If you were to sing like Jessie Darcey, she would not be surprised; but she would manage not to hear you again.”
Ottenburg laughed as he helped her into the carriage. “Oh, yes; I can understand her!” He settled himself on the front seat across from Thea. “Now, I want to tell you about the people we’re going to see. We might have a musical audience in this country someday, but for now, it’s mostly Germans and Jews. Everyone else goes to hear Jessie Darcey sing, ‘O, Promise Me!’ The Nathanmeyers are really great Jews. If you do anything for Mrs. Henry Nathanmeyer, you have to let her take the lead. Everything she says about music, fashion, or life will be spot on. And you can relax around her; she expects nothing from people. She’s lived in Chicago for twenty years. If you were to act like the Magyar who was so fascinated by my buttonhole, she wouldn’t even blink. If you were to sing like Jessie Darcey, she wouldn’t be surprised; but she’d find a way to not listen to you again.”
“Would she? Well, that’s the kind of people I want to find.” Thea felt herself growing bolder.
“Would she? Well, that’s the kind of people I want to find.” Thea felt herself becoming bolder.
“You will be all right with her so long as you do not try to be anything that you are not. Her standards have nothing to do with Chicago. Her perceptions—or her grandmother’s, which is the same thing—were keen when all this was an Indian village. So merely be yourself, and you will like her. She will like you because the Jews always sense talent, and,” he added ironically, “they admire certain qualities of feeling that are found only in the white-skinned races.”
“You’ll be fine with her as long as you don’t try to be someone you’re not. Her standards have nothing to do with Chicago. Her views—or her grandmother’s, which are the same—were sharp when this was still an Indian village. So just be yourself, and you’ll get along with her. She’ll like you because Jewish people have a knack for recognizing talent, and,” he added with irony, “they appreciate certain qualities of emotion that are unique to white-skinned races.”
Thea looked into the young man’s face as the light of a street lamp flashed into the carriage. His somewhat academic manner amused her.
Thea glanced at the young man's face as the light from a streetlamp shone into the carriage. His slightly scholarly demeanor made her smile.
“What makes you take such an interest in singers?” she asked curiously. “You seem to have a perfect passion for hearing music-lessons. I wish I could trade jobs with you!”
“What makes you so interested in singers?” she asked curiously. “You really seem to love listening to music lessons. I wish I could swap jobs with you!”
“I’m not interested in singers.” His tone was offended. “I am interested in talent. There are only two interesting things in the world, anyhow; and talent is one of them.”
“I’m not into singers.” His tone was offended. “I’m into talent. There are only two interesting things in the world anyway, and talent is one of them.”
“What’s the other?” The question came meekly from the figure opposite him. Another arc-light flashed in at the window.
“What’s the other?” The question came quietly from the person across from him. Another arc-light flashed in through the window.
Fred saw her face and broke into a laugh. “Why, you’re guying me, you little wretch! You won’t let me behave properly.” He dropped his gloved hand lightly on her knee, took it away and let it hang between his own. “Do you know,” he said confidentially, “I believe I’m more in earnest about all this than you are.”
Fred saw her face and burst out laughing. “Wow, you’re kidding me, you little rascal! You won’t let me act right.” He dropped his gloved hand lightly on her knee, then pulled it away and let it rest between his own. “You know,” he said quietly, “I think I’m more serious about all this than you are.”
“About all what?”
"About what all?"
“All you’ve got in your throat there.”
“All you have in your throat there.”
“Oh! I’m in earnest all right; only I never was much good at talking. Jessie Darcey is the smooth talker. ‘You notice the effect I get there—’ If she only got ’em, she’d be a wonder, you know!”
“Oh! I’m serious, for sure; I just never was great at talking. Jessie Darcey is the one who can really talk smoothly. ‘You see the effect I get there—’ If she could actually get them, she'd be amazing, you know!”
Mr. and Mrs. Nathanmeyer were alone in their great library. Their three unmarried daughters had departed in successive carriages, one to a dinner, one to a Nietszche club, one to a ball given for the girls employed in the big department stores. When Ottenburg and Thea entered, Henry Nathanmeyer and his wife were sitting at a table at the farther end of the long room, with a reading-lamp and a tray of cigarettes and cordial-glasses between them. The overhead lights were too soft to bring out the colors of the big rugs, and none of the picture lights were on. One could merely see that there were pictures there. Fred whispered that they were Rousseaus and Corots, very fine ones which the old banker had bought long ago for next to nothing. In the hall Ottenburg had stopped Thea before a painting of a woman eating grapes out of a paper bag, and had told her gravely that there was the most beautiful Manet in the world. He made her take off her hat and gloves in the hall, and looked her over a little before he took her in. But once they were in the library he seemed perfectly satisfied with her and led her down the long room to their hostess.
Mr. and Mrs. Nathanmeyer were alone in their large library. Their three unmarried daughters had left in separate carriages—one to a dinner, one to a Nietzsche club, and one to a ball for the girls working in the big department stores. When Ottenburg and Thea walked in, Henry Nathanmeyer and his wife were sitting at a table at the far end of the long room, with a reading lamp and a tray of cigarettes and cordial glasses between them. The overhead lights were too dim to show the colors of the large rugs, and none of the picture lights were on. You could just make out that there were pictures hanging there. Fred whispered that they were Rousseaus and Corots, very fine ones that the old banker had bought long ago for almost nothing. In the hall, Ottenburg had stopped Thea in front of a painting of a woman eating grapes from a paper bag and had told her seriously that it was the most beautiful Manet in the world. He made her take off her hat and gloves in the hall and inspected her a bit before bringing her in. But once they were in the library, he seemed completely satisfied with her and led her down the long room to their hostess.
Mrs. Nathanmeyer was a heavy, powerful old Jewess, with a great pompadour of white hair, a swarthy complexion, an eagle nose, and sharp, glittering eyes. She wore a black velvet dress with a long train, and a diamond necklace and earrings. She took Thea to the other side of the table and presented her to Mr. Nathanmeyer, who apologized for not rising, pointing to a slippered foot on a cushion; he said that he suffered from gout. He had a very soft voice and spoke with an accent which would have been heavy if it had not been so caressing. He kept Thea standing beside him for some time. He noticed that she stood easily, looked straight down into his face, and was not embarrassed. Even when Mrs. Nathanmeyer told Ottenburg to bring a chair for Thea, the old man did not release her hand, and she did not sit down. He admired her just as she was, as she happened to be standing, and she felt it. He was much handsomer than his wife, Thea thought. His forehead was high, his hair soft and white, his skin pink, a little puffy under his clear blue eyes. She noticed how warm and delicate his hands were, pleasant to touch and beautiful to look at. Ottenburg had told her that Mr. Nathanmeyer had a very fine collection of medals and cameos, and his fingers looked as if they had never touched anything but delicately cut surfaces.
Mrs. Nathanmeyer was a large, imposing old Jewish woman, with a big pompadour of white hair, a dark complexion, an eagle-like nose, and sharp, sparkling eyes. She wore a black velvet dress with a long train, along with diamond jewelry. She led Thea to the other side of the table and introduced her to Mr. Nathanmeyer, who apologized for not getting up and pointed to a foot resting on a cushion; he mentioned that he had gout. He had a very soft voice and spoke with an accent that would have been pronounced if it weren't so soothing. He kept Thea standing next to him for a while. He noticed that she stood comfortably, looked straight into his face, and didn't seem embarrassed. Even when Mrs. Nathanmeyer asked Ottenburg to bring a chair for Thea, the old man didn’t let go of her hand, and she didn’t sit down. He admired her just as she was, in that moment, and she could feel it. He was much better looking than his wife, Thea thought. His forehead was high, his hair soft and white, his skin pink, a little puffy under his clear blue eyes. She noticed how warm and delicate his hands were—pleasant to touch and beautiful to look at. Ottenburg had told her that Mr. Nathanmeyer had a great collection of medals and cameos, and his fingers looked as if they had only ever touched finely crafted surfaces.
He asked Thea where Moonstone was; how many inhabitants it had; what her father’s business was; from what part of Sweden her grandfather came; and whether she spoke Swedish as a child. He was interested to hear that her mother’s mother was still living, and that her grandfather had played the oboe. Thea felt at home standing there beside him; she felt that he was very wise, and that he some way took one’s life up and looked it over kindly, as if it were a story. She was sorry when they left him to go into the music-room.
He asked Thea where Moonstone was, how many people lived there, what her dad's job was, where her grandfather came from in Sweden, and if she spoke Swedish as a kid. He found it interesting that her grandmother was still alive and that her grandfather played the oboe. Thea felt comfortable standing there with him; she sensed that he was very wise and somehow examined one's life gently, as if it were a story. She felt sad when they left him to go into the music room.
As they reached the door of the music-room, Mrs. Nathanmeyer turned a switch that threw on many lights. The room was even larger than the library, all glittering surfaces, with two Steinway pianos.
As they got to the door of the music room, Mrs. Nathanmeyer flipped a switch that turned on a lot of lights. The room was even bigger than the library, filled with sparkling surfaces, and had two Steinway pianos.
Mrs. Nathanmeyer rang for her own maid. “Selma will take you upstairs, Miss Kronborg, and you will find some dresses on the bed. Try several of them, and take the one you like best. Selma will help you. She has a great deal of taste. When you are dressed, come down and let us go over some of your songs with Mr. Ottenburg.”
Mrs. Nathanmeyer called for her maid. “Selma will take you upstairs, Miss Kronborg, and you’ll find some dresses on the bed. Try on a few of them and pick the one you like best. Selma will help you; she has a great sense of style. Once you're dressed, come down and we’ll go over some of your songs with Mr. Ottenburg.”
After Thea went away with the maid, Ottenburg came up to Mrs. Nathanmeyer and stood beside her, resting his hand on the high back of her chair.
After Thea left with the maid, Ottenburg approached Mrs. Nathanmeyer and stood next to her, resting his hand on the tall back of her chair.
“Well, gnädige Frau, do you like her?”
“Well, ma'am, do you like her?”
“I think so. I liked her when she talked to father. She will always get on better with men.”
“I think so. I liked her when she talked to Dad. She’ll always get along better with men.”
Ottenburg leaned over her chair. “Prophetess! Do you see what I meant?”
Ottenburg leaned over her chair. “Prophetess! Do you see what I meant?”
“About her beauty? She has great possibilities, but you can never tell about those Northern women. They look so strong, but they are easily battered. The face falls so early under those wide cheek-bones. A single idea—hate or greed, or even love—can tear them to shreds. She is nineteen? Well, in ten years she may have quite a regal beauty, or she may have a heavy, discontented face, all dug out in channels. That will depend upon the kind of ideas she lives with.”
“About her beauty? She has a lot of potential, but you can never really figure out those Northern women. They seem so tough, but they can be easily broken. The face starts to age quickly with those prominent cheekbones. A single thought—hate, greed, or even love—can completely destroy them. She’s nineteen? Well, in ten years she might have a stunning beauty, or she could have a heavy, unhappy face marked by deep lines. That will depend on the type of thoughts she surrounds herself with.”
“Or the kind of people?” Ottenburg suggested.
“Or the type of people?” Ottenburg suggested.
The old Jewess folded her arms over her massive chest, drew back her shoulders, and looked up at the young man. “With that hard glint in her eye? The people won’t matter much, I fancy. They will come and go. She is very much interested in herself—as she should be.”
The old Jewish woman crossed her arms over her large chest, straightened her shoulders, and looked up at the young man. “With that intense look in her eyes? I doubt the people will matter much. They’ll come and go. She’s mainly focused on herself—as she should be.”
Ottenburg frowned. “Wait until you hear her sing. Her eyes are different then. That gleam that comes in them is curious, isn’t it? As you say, it’s impersonal.”
Ottenburg frowned. “Just wait until you hear her sing. Her eyes are different then. That sparkle that comes into them is strange, right? As you said, it’s impersonal.”
The object of this discussion came in, smiling. She had chosen neither the blue nor the yellow gown, but a pale rose-color, with silver butterflies. Mrs. Nathanmeyer lifted her lorgnette and studied her as she approached. She caught the characteristic things at once: the free, strong walk, the calm carriage of the head, the milky whiteness of the girl’s arms and shoulders.
The person we're talking about walked in, smiling. She hadn't chosen the blue or yellow dress but instead wore a pale rose color with silver butterflies. Mrs. Nathanmeyer lifted her lorgnette and watched her as she came closer. She immediately noticed the distinctive traits: the confident, strong stride, the relaxed posture, and the milky whiteness of the girl's arms and shoulders.
“Yes, that color is good for you,” she said approvingly. “The yellow one probably killed your hair? Yes; this does very well indeed, so we need think no more about it.”
“Yes, that color looks great on you,” she said with approval. “The yellow one probably ruined your hair? Yes; this one is definitely much better, so we don’t need to think about it anymore.”
Thea glanced questioningly at Ottenburg. He smiled and bowed, seemed perfectly satisfied. He asked her to stand in the elbow of the piano, in front of him, instead of behind him as she had been taught to do.
Thea looked at Ottenburg with a questioning expression. He smiled and bowed, looking completely satisfied. He asked her to stand at the side of the piano, in front of him, instead of behind him like she had been taught.
“Yes,” said the hostess with feeling. “That other position is barbarous.”
“Yes,” said the hostess passionately. “That other job is brutal.”
Thea sang an aria from ‘Gioconda,’ some songs by Schumann which she had studied with Harsanyi, and the “Tak for Dit Råd,” which Ottenburg liked.
Thea sang an aria from ‘Gioconda,’ some songs by Schumann that she had studied with Harsanyi, and the “Tak for Dit Råd,” which Ottenburg liked.
“That you must do again,” he declared when they finished this song. “You did it much better the other day. You accented it more, like a dance or a galop. How did you do it?”
“Do that again,” he said when they finished the song. “You played it way better the other day. You brought out the rhythm more, like a dance or a gallop. How did you do it?”
Thea laughed, glancing sidewise at Mrs. Nathanmeyer. “You want it rough-house, do you? Bowers likes me to sing it more seriously, but it always makes me think about a story my grandmother used to tell.”
Thea laughed, glancing over at Mrs. Nathanmeyer. “You want it to be wild, huh? Bowers prefers that I sing it more seriously, but it always reminds me of a story my grandmother used to tell.”
Fred pointed to the chair behind her. “Won’t you rest a moment and tell us about it? I thought you had some notion about it when you first sang it for me.”
Fred pointed to the chair behind her. “Why don’t you take a seat and tell us about it? I thought you had some idea about it when you first sang it for me.”
Thea sat down. “In Norway my grandmother knew a girl who was awfully in love with a young fellow. She went into service on a big dairy farm to make enough money for her outfit. They were married at Christmastime, and everybody was glad, because they’d been sighing around about each other for so long. That very summer, the day before St. John’s Day, her husband caught her carrying on with another farm-hand. The next night all the farm people had a bonfire and a big dance up on the mountain, and everybody was dancing and singing. I guess they were all a little drunk, for they got to seeing how near they could make the girls dance to the edge of the cliff. Ole—he was the girl’s husband—seemed the jolliest and the drunkest of anybody. He danced his wife nearer and nearer the edge of the rock, and his wife began to scream so that the others stopped dancing and the music stopped; but Ole went right on singing, and he danced her over the edge of the cliff and they fell hundreds of feet and were all smashed to pieces.”
Thea sat down. “In Norway, my grandmother knew a girl who was really in love with a young guy. She took a job on a big dairy farm to save up enough money for her wedding dress. They got married at Christmas, and everyone was happy because they had been pining for each other for so long. That summer, the day before St. John’s Day, her husband caught her cheating with another farmhand. The next night, all the farm workers had a bonfire and a big dance on the mountain, and everyone was dancing and singing. I think they were all a bit drunk, as they started to see how close they could get the girls to dance to the edge of the cliff. Ole—he was the girl’s husband—seemed to be the happiest and the most drunk of anyone. He danced his wife closer and closer to the edge of the rock, and she started to scream, causing everyone else to stop dancing and the music to stop; but Ole kept singing and danced her right over the edge of the cliff, and they fell hundreds of feet and were both killed.”
Ottenburg turned back to the piano. “That’s the idea! Now, come Miss Thea. Let it go!”
Ottenburg turned back to the piano. “That’s the idea! Now, come on, Miss Thea. Let it go!”
Thea took her place. She laughed and drew herself up out of her corsets, threw her shoulders high and let them drop again. She had never sung in a low dress before, and she found it comfortable. Ottenburg jerked his head and they began the song. The accompaniment sounded more than ever like the thumping and scraping of heavy feet.
Thea took her spot. She laughed, adjusted her corset, lifted her shoulders high, and then let them drop again. She had never sung in a low-cut dress before, and she found it quite comfortable. Ottenburg nodded, and they started the song. The accompaniment sounded more like the thumping and scraping of heavy feet than ever.
When they stopped, they heard a sympathetic tapping at the end of the room. Old Mr. Nathanmeyer had come to the door and was sitting back in the shadow, just inside the library, applauding with his cane. Thea threw him a bright smile. He continued to sit there, his slippered foot on a low chair, his cane between his fingers, and she glanced at him from time to time. The doorway made a frame for him, and he looked like a man in a picture, with the long, shadowy room behind him.
When they stopped, they heard a gentle tapping at the end of the room. Old Mr. Nathanmeyer had come to the door and was sitting back in the shadow, just inside the library, clapping with his cane. Thea flashed him a bright smile. He stayed there, his slippered foot resting on a low chair, his cane held between his fingers, and she glanced at him every so often. The doorway framed him perfectly, and he looked like a man in a picture, with the long, dim room behind him.
Mrs. Nathanmeyer summoned the maid again. “Selma will pack that gown in a box for you, and you can take it home in Mr. Ottenburg’s carriage.”
Mrs. Nathanmeyer called for the maid again. “Selma will pack that dress in a box for you, and you can take it home in Mr. Ottenburg’s carriage.”
Thea turned to follow the maid, but hesitated. “Shall I wear gloves?” she asked, turning again to Mrs. Nathanmeyer.
Thea turned to follow the maid but paused. “Should I wear gloves?” she asked, looking back at Mrs. Nathanmeyer.
“No, I think not. Your arms are good, and you will feel freer without. You will need light slippers, pink—or white, if you have them, will do quite as well.”
“No, I don’t think so. Your arms are fine, and you’ll feel more comfortable without them. You’ll need lightweight slippers; pink—or white, if you have them, will work just as well.”
Thea went upstairs with the maid and Mrs. Nathanmeyer rose, took Ottenburg’s arm, and walked toward her husband. “That’s the first real voice I have heard in Chicago,” she said decidedly. “I don’t count that stupid Priest woman. What do you say, father?”
Thea went upstairs with the maid, and Mrs. Nathanmeyer stood up, took Ottenburg’s arm, and walked over to her husband. “That’s the first real voice I’ve heard in Chicago,” she said firmly. “I don’t count that ridiculous Priest woman. What do you think, dad?”
Mr. Nathanmeyer shook his white head and smiled softly, as if he were thinking about something very agreeable. “Svensk sommar,” he murmured. “She is like a Swedish summer. I spent nearly a year there when I was a young man,” he explained to Ottenburg.
Mr. Nathanmeyer shook his white head and smiled gently, as if he were remembering something very pleasant. “Svensk sommar,” he murmured. “She’s like a Swedish summer. I spent almost a year there when I was younger,” he explained to Ottenburg.
When Ottenburg got Thea and her big box into the carriage, it occurred to him that she must be hungry, after singing so much. When he asked her, she admitted that she was very hungry, indeed.
When Ottenburg got Thea and her big box into the carriage, it occurred to him that she must be hungry after singing so much. When he asked her, she admitted that she was very hungry, indeed.
He took out his watch. “Would you mind stopping somewhere with me? It’s only eleven.”
He pulled out his watch. “Do you mind stopping somewhere with me? It’s only eleven.”
“Mind? Of course, I wouldn’t mind. I wasn’t brought up like that. I can take care of myself.”
“Mind? Of course, I wouldn’t mind. I wasn’t raised that way. I can handle myself.”
Ottenburg laughed. “And I can take care of myself, so we can do lots of jolly things together.” He opened the carriage door and spoke to the driver. “I’m stuck on the way you sing that Grieg song,” he declared.
Ottenburg laughed. “And I can handle myself, so we can have a lot of fun together.” He opened the carriage door and spoke to the driver. “I’m really into the way you sing that Grieg song,” he declared.
When Thea got into bed that night she told herself that this was the happiest evening she had had in Chicago. She had enjoyed the Nathanmeyers and their grand house, her new dress, and Ottenburg, her first real carriage ride, and the good supper when she was so hungry. And Ottenburg was jolly! He made you want to come back at him. You weren’t always being caught up and mystified. When you started in with him, you went; you cut the breeze, as Ray used to say. He had some go in him.
When Thea got into bed that night, she told herself that this was the happiest evening she had spent in Chicago. She had enjoyed the Nathanmeyers and their impressive house, her new dress, and Ottenburg, her first real carriage ride, and the delicious dinner when she was so hungry. And Ottenburg was fun! He made you want to engage with him. You didn’t always feel confused or lost. When you started talking to him, you were in it; you were having a good time, just like Ray used to say. He had a lot of energy.
Philip Frederick Ottenburg was the third son of the great brewer. His mother was Katarina Fürst, the daughter and heiress of a brewing business older and richer than Otto Ottenburg’s. As a young woman she had been a conspicuous figure in German-American society in New York, and not untouched by scandal. She was a handsome, headstrong girl, a rebellious and violent force in a provincial society. She was brutally sentimental and heavily romantic. Her free speech, her Continental ideas, and her proclivity for championing new causes, even when she did not know much about them, made her an object of suspicion. She was always going abroad to seek out intellectual affinities, and was one of the group of young women who followed Wagner about in his old age, keeping at a respectful distance, but receiving now and then a gracious acknowledgment that he appreciated their homage. When the composer died, Katarina, then a matron with a family, took to her bed and saw no one for a week.
Philip Frederick Ottenburg was the third son of the renowned brewer. His mother, Katarina Fürst, was the daughter and heiress of a brewing business that was older and wealthier than Otto Ottenburg’s. In her younger days, she was a prominent figure in German-American society in New York and was not without her controversies. She was a striking, strong-willed woman, a rebellious and forceful presence in a conservative society. She was extremely sentimental and deeply romantic. Her outspoken nature, her European ideas, and her tendency to support new causes—even when she wasn't fully informed—made her a subject of suspicion. She frequently traveled abroad to seek out like-minded individuals and was part of the group of young women who followed Wagner in his later years, keeping a respectful distance but occasionally receiving a gracious nod of appreciation from him for their admiration. When the composer passed away, Katarina, then a mother with a family, fell into bed and did not see anyone for a week.
After having been engaged to an American actor, a Welsh socialist agitator, and a German army officer, Fräulein Fürst at last placed herself and her great brewery interests into the trustworthy hands of Otto Ottenburg, who had been her suitor ever since he was a clerk, learning his business in her father’s office.
After being engaged to an American actor, a Welsh socialist activist, and a German army officer, Fräulein Fürst finally entrusted herself and her significant brewery interests into the reliable hands of Otto Ottenburg, who had been pursuing her ever since he was a clerk learning the ropes in her father’s office.
Her first two sons were exactly like their father. Even as children they were industrious, earnest little tradesmen. As Frau Ottenburg said, “she had to wait for her Fred, but she got him at last,” the first man who had altogether pleased her. Frederick entered Harvard when he was eighteen. When his mother went to Boston to visit him, she not only got him everything he wished for, but she made handsome and often embarrassing presents to all his friends. She gave dinners and supper parties for the Glee Club, made the crew break training, and was a generally disturbing influence. In his third year Fred left the university because of a serious escapade which had somewhat hampered his life ever since. He went at once into his father’s business, where, in his own way, he had made himself very useful.
Her first two sons were just like their father. Even as kids, they were hardworking, serious little businessmen. As Frau Ottenburg said, “she had to wait for her Fred, but she got him at last,” the first man who truly satisfied her. Frederick started at Harvard when he was eighteen. When his mom visited him in Boston, she not only got him everything he wanted, but she also made generous and often awkward gifts for all his friends. She hosted dinners and parties for the Glee Club, encouraged the crew to break training, and was generally a disruptive presence. In his third year, Fred left the university due to a serious incident that has somewhat affected his life ever since. He immediately joined his father's business, where he found his own way to be very helpful.
Fred Ottenburg was now twenty-eight, and people could only say of him that he had been less hurt by his mother’s indulgence than most boys would have been. He had never wanted anything that he could not have it, and he might have had a great many things that he had never wanted. He was extravagant, but not prodigal. He turned most of the money his mother gave him into the business, and lived on his generous salary.
Fred Ottenburg was now twenty-eight, and people could only say that he had been less affected by his mother’s pampering than most guys would have been. He had never wanted anything he couldn’t have, and he could have had a lot of things that he never really desired. He was extravagant, but not wasteful. He invested most of the money his mother gave him into the business and lived off his generous salary.
Fred had never been bored for a whole day in his life. When he was in Chicago or St. Louis, he went to ballgames, prize-fights, and horse-races. When he was in Germany, he went to concerts and to the opera. He belonged to a long list of sporting-clubs and hunting-clubs, and was a good boxer. He had so many natural interests that he had no affectations. At Harvard he kept away from the aesthetic circle that had already discovered Francis Thompson. He liked no poetry but German poetry. Physical energy was the thing he was full to the brim of, and music was one of its natural forms of expression. He had a healthy love of sport and art, of eating and drinking. When he was in Germany, he scarcely knew where the soup ended and the symphony began.
Fred had never been bored for an entire day in his life. When he was in Chicago or St. Louis, he went to baseball games, boxing matches, and horse races. When he was in Germany, he attended concerts and the opera. He was a member of several sports and hunting clubs and was a decent boxer. He had so many natural interests that he didn’t put on airs. At Harvard, he steered clear of the artsy crowd that had already discovered Francis Thompson. He only liked German poetry. He was overflowing with physical energy, and music was one of its natural outlets. He had a genuine love for sports and art, as well as for food and drink. When he was in Germany, he hardly knew where the soup ended and the symphony began.
V
March began badly for Thea. She had a cold during the first week, and after she got through her church duties on Sunday she had to go to bed with tonsilitis. She was still in the boarding-house at which young Ottenburg had called when he took her to see Mrs. Nathanmeyer. She had stayed on there because her room, although it was inconvenient and very small, was at the corner of the house and got the sunlight.
March started off poorly for Thea. She caught a cold during the first week, and after she managed to finish her church duties on Sunday, she had to go to bed with tonsillitis. She was still staying at the boarding house where young Ottenburg had picked her up to take her to see Mrs. Nathanmeyer. She had decided to stay there because her room, though cramped and quite inconvenient, was at the corner of the house and received sunlight.
Since she left Mrs. Lorch, this was the first place where she had got away from a north light. Her rooms had all been as damp and mouldy as they were dark, with deep foundations of dirt under the carpets, and dirty walls. In her present room there was no running water and no clothes closet, and she had to have the dresser moved out to make room for her piano. But there were two windows, one on the south and one on the west, a light wall-paper with morning-glory vines, and on the floor a clean matting. The landlady had tried to make the room look cheerful, because it was hard to let. It was so small that Thea could keep it clean herself, after the Hun had done her worst. She hung her dresses on the door under a sheet, used the washstand for a dresser, slept on a cot, and opened both the windows when she practiced. She felt less walled in than she had in the other houses.
Since she left Mrs. Lorch, this was the first place where she had escaped the harsh northern light. Her previous rooms had been just as damp and moldy as they were dark, with dirt-stained foundations under the carpets and grimy walls. In her current room, there was no running water or closet for her clothes, and she had to have the dresser taken out to make space for her piano. But there were two windows, one facing south and the other west, with light wallpaper decorated with morning-glory vines, and a clean mat on the floor. The landlady had made an effort to make the room look welcoming because it was difficult to rent out. It was so small that Thea could clean it herself, even after the previous tenant had made a mess. She hung her dresses on the door behind a sheet, used the washstand as a dresser, slept on a cot, and opened both windows when she practiced. She felt less confined than she had in the other houses.
Wednesday was her third day in bed. The medical student who lived in the house had been in to see her, had left some tablets and a foamy gargle, and told her that she could probably go back to work on Monday. The landlady stuck her head in once a day, but Thea did not encourage her visits. The Hungarian chambermaid brought her soup and toast. She made a sloppy pretense of putting the room in order, but she was such a dirty creature that Thea would not let her touch her cot; she got up every morning and turned the mattress and made the bed herself. The exertion made her feel miserably ill, but at least she could lie still contentedly for a long while afterward. She hated the poisoned feeling in her throat, and no matter how often she gargled she felt unclean and disgusting. Still, if she had to be ill, she was almost glad that she had a contagious illness. Otherwise she would have been at the mercy of the people in the house. She knew that they disliked her, yet now that she was ill, they took it upon themselves to tap at her door, send her messages, books, even a miserable flower or two. Thea knew that their sympathy was an expression of self-righteousness, and she hated them for it. The divinity student, who was always whispering soft things to her, sent her “The Kreutzer Sonata.”
Wednesday was her third day in bed. The medical student who lived in the house had checked in on her, left some pills and a foamy mouthwash, and said she could probably return to work on Monday. The landlady poked her head in once a day, but Thea didn’t encourage her visits. The Hungarian maid brought her soup and toast. She pretended to tidy up the room, but she was so dirty that Thea wouldn’t let her touch her bed; she got up every morning to turn the mattress and make the bed herself. The effort made her feel really sick, but at least she could lie still and feel somewhat okay for a while afterward. She hated the nasty feeling in her throat, and no matter how often she gargled, she felt unclean and disgusting. Still, if she had to be sick, she was almost glad it was something contagious. Otherwise, she would have been at the mercy of the people in the house. She knew they didn’t like her, but now that she was ill, they felt the need to knock on her door, send her messages, books, even a couple of pathetic flowers. Thea recognized that their sympathy was just a show of self-righteousness, and she resented them for it. The divinity student, who was always whispering sweet things to her, sent her “The Kreutzer Sonata.”
The medical student had been kind to her: he knew that she did not want to pay a doctor. His gargle had helped her, and he gave her things to make her sleep at night. But he had been a cheat, too. He had exceeded his rights. She had no soreness in her chest, and had told him so clearly. All this thumping of her back, and listening to her breathing, was done to satisfy personal curiosity. She had watched him with a contemptuous smile. She was too sick to care; if it amused him—She made him wash his hands before he touched her; he was never very clean. All the same, it wounded her and made her feel that the world was a pretty disgusting place. “The Kreutzer Sonata” did not make her feel any more cheerful. She threw it aside with hatred. She could not believe it was written by the same man who wrote the novel that had thrilled her.
The medical student had been nice to her: he knew she didn’t want to pay for a doctor. His gargle had helped her, and he gave her stuff to help her sleep at night. But he had also been dishonest. He had overstepped his bounds. She didn’t have any pain in her chest and had told him that clearly. All that thumping on her back and listening to her breathe was just to satisfy his own curiosity. She watched him with a dismissive smile. She was too sick to care; if it entertained him—She made him wash his hands before he touched her; he was never very clean. Still, it hurt her and made her feel like the world was a pretty gross place. “The Kreutzer Sonata” didn’t make her feel any better. She tossed it aside in disgust. She couldn’t believe it was written by the same guy who wrote the novel that had excited her.
Her cot was beside the south window, and on Wednesday afternoon she lay thinking about the Harsanyis, about old Mr. Nathanmeyer, and about how she was missing Fred Ottenburg’s visits to the studio. That was much the worst thing about being sick. If she were going to the studio every day, she might be having pleasant encounters with Fred. He was always running away, Bowers said, and he might be planning to go away as soon as Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s evenings were over. And here she was losing all this time!
Her bed was by the south window, and on Wednesday afternoon she lay there thinking about the Harsanyis, about old Mr. Nathanmeyer, and how much she missed Fred Ottenburg’s visits to the studio. That was the worst part about being sick. If she were going to the studio every day, she might have had nice moments with Fred. Bowers said he was always rushing off, and he might leave as soon as Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s evenings were done. And here she was wasting all this time!
After a while she heard the Hun’s clumsy trot in the hall, and then a pound on the door. Mary came in, making her usual uncouth sounds, carrying a long box and a big basket. Thea sat up in bed and tore off the strings and paper. The basket was full of fruit, with a big Hawaiian pineapple in the middle, and in the box there were layers of pink roses with long, woody stems and dark-green leaves. They filled the room with a cool smell that made another air to breathe. Mary stood with her apron full of paper and cardboard. When she saw Thea take an envelope out from under the flowers, she uttered an exclamation, pointed to the roses, and then to the bosom of her own dress, on the left side. Thea laughed and nodded. She understood that Mary associated the color with Ottenburg’s boutonnière. She pointed to the water pitcher,—she had nothing else big enough to hold the flowers,—and made Mary put it on the window sill beside her.
After a while, she heard the Huns' heavy footsteps in the hall, followed by a knock on the door. Mary entered, making her usual awkward sounds, carrying a long box and a large basket. Thea sat up in bed and ripped off the strings and paper. The basket was filled with fruit, featuring a big Hawaiian pineapple in the center, and inside the box were layers of pink roses with long, sturdy stems and dark green leaves. They filled the room with a cool scent that created a different atmosphere to breathe. Mary stood there with her apron full of paper and cardboard. When she saw Thea take an envelope out from under the flowers, she gasped, pointed to the roses, and then to her own dress, on the left side. Thea laughed and nodded. She realized that Mary linked the color to Ottenburg’s boutonnière. She gestured to the water pitcher—she had nothing else big enough to hold the flowers—and had Mary place it on the windowsill next to her.
After Mary was gone Thea locked the door. When the landlady knocked, she pretended that she was asleep. She lay still all afternoon and with drowsy eyes watched the roses open. They were the first hothouse flowers she had ever had. The cool fragrance they released was soothing, and as the pink petals curled back, they were the only things between her and the gray sky. She lay on her side, putting the room and the boarding-house behind her. Fred knew where all the pleasant things in the world were, she reflected, and knew the road to them. He had keys to all the nice places in his pocket, and seemed to jingle them from time to time. And then, he was young; and her friends had always been old. Her mind went back over them. They had all been teachers; wonderfully kind, but still teachers. Ray Kennedy, she knew, had wanted to marry her, but he was the most protecting and teacher-like of them all. She moved impatiently in her cot and threw her braids away from her hot neck, over her pillow. “I don’t want him for a teacher,” she thought, frowning petulantly out of the window. “I’ve had such a string of them. I want him for a sweetheart.”
After Mary left, Thea locked the door. When the landlady knocked, she pretended to be asleep. She lay still all afternoon, drowsily watching the roses bloom. They were the first hothouse flowers she had ever owned. The cool fragrance they released was calming, and as the pink petals unfurled, they were the only things standing between her and the gray sky. She lay on her side, putting the room and the boarding house behind her. Fred knew where all the good things in life were, she contemplated, and knew how to get to them. He had the keys to all the nice places in his pocket and seemed to jingle them now and then. Plus, he was young, while her friends had always been older. She thought back over them. They had all been teachers; wonderfully kind, but still teachers. Ray Kennedy, she knew, had wanted to marry her, but he was the most protective and teacher-like of them all. She shifted restlessly in her cot and tossed her braids away from her hot neck, over her pillow. “I don’t want him as a teacher,” she thought, frowning out the window. “I've had enough of them. I want him as a boyfriend.”
VI
“Thea,” said Fred Ottenburg one drizzly afternoon in April, while they sat waiting for their tea at a restaurant in the Pullman Building, overlooking the lake, “what are you going to do this summer?”
“Thea,” Fred Ottenburg said one rainy afternoon in April, while they sat waiting for their tea at a restaurant in the Pullman Building overlooking the lake, “what are you planning to do this summer?”
“I don’t know. Work, I suppose.”
"I don’t know. Probably job."
“With Bowers, you mean? Even Bowers goes fishing for a month. Chicago’s no place to work, in the summer. Haven’t you made any plans?”
“Are you talking about Bowers? Even Bowers takes off for a month to go fishing. Chicago’s not a great place to work in the summer. Haven’t you made any plans?”
Thea shrugged her shoulders. “No use having any plans when you haven’t any money. They are unbecoming.”
Thea shrugged. “There’s no point in making any plans if you don’t have any money. They just don’t make sense.”
“Aren’t you going home?”
"Are you not going home?"
She shook her head. “No. It won’t be comfortable there till I’ve got something to show for myself. I’m not getting on at all, you know. This year has been mostly wasted.”
She shook her head. “No. It won't be comfortable there until I've got something to show for myself. I'm not making any progress at all, you know. This year has been mostly wasted.”
“You’re stale; that’s what’s the matter with you. And just now you’re dead tired. You’ll talk more rationally after you’ve had some tea. Rest your throat until it comes.” They were sitting by a window. As Ottenburg looked at her in the gray light, he remembered what Mrs. Nathanmeyer had said about the Swedish face “breaking early.” Thea was as gray as the weather. Her skin looked sick. Her hair, too, though on a damp day it curled charmingly about her face, looked pale.
“You're worn out; that's what's wrong with you. Right now, you're completely exhausted. You'll think more clearly after you have some tea. Save your voice until it arrives.” They were sitting by a window. As Ottenburg looked at her in the dull light, he remembered what Mrs. Nathanmeyer had said about the Swedish face “aging quickly.” Thea was as gray as the weather. Her skin looked unhealthy. Her hair, although it curled beautifully around her face on a damp day, appeared lifeless.
Fred beckoned the waiter and increased his order for food. Thea did not hear him. She was staring out of the window, down at the roof of the Art Institute and the green lions, dripping in the rain. The lake was all rolling mist, with a soft shimmer of robin’s-egg blue in the gray. A lumber boat, with two very tall masts, was emerging gaunt and black out of the fog. When the tea came Thea ate hungrily, and Fred watched her. He thought her eyes became a little less bleak. The kettle sang cheerfully over the spirit lamp, and she seemed to concentrate her attention upon that pleasant sound. She kept looking toward it listlessly and indulgently, in a way that gave him a realization of her loneliness. Fred lit a cigarette and smoked thoughtfully. He and Thea were alone in the quiet, dusky room full of white tables. In those days Chicago people never stopped for tea. “Come,” he said at last, “what would you do this summer, if you could do whatever you wished?”
Fred signaled the waiter to add more food to his order. Thea didn't notice him. She was gazing out the window at the roof of the Art Institute and the green lions, which were soaked in the rain. The lake was covered in rolling mist, with a soft shimmer of robin’s-egg blue peeking through the gray. A lumber boat with two very tall masts was emerging, looking ghostly and black out of the fog. When the tea arrived, Thea ate eagerly, and Fred observed her. He thought her eyes seemed a bit less sad. The kettle sang cheerfully over the spirit lamp, and she seemed to focus on that pleasant sound. She kept looking toward it in a way that showed her loneliness. Fred lit a cigarette and smoked thoughtfully. He and Thea were alone in the quiet, dim room filled with white tables. Back then, people in Chicago never paused for tea. “Come on,” he finally said, “what would you do this summer if you could do anything you wanted?”
“I’d go a long way from here! West, I think. Maybe I could get some of my spring back. All this cold, cloudy weather,”—she looked out at the lake and shivered,—“I don’t know, it does things to me,” she ended abruptly.
“I’d go really far from here! West, I think. Maybe I could get some of my energy back. All this cold, cloudy weather,”—she looked out at the lake and shivered,—“I don’t know, it just affects me,” she finished suddenly.
Fred nodded. “I know. You’ve been going down ever since you had tonsilitis. I’ve seen it. What you need is to sit in the sun and bake for three months. You’ve got the right idea. I remember once when we were having dinner somewhere you kept asking me about the Cliff-Dweller ruins. Do they still interest you?”
Fred nodded. “I get it. You've been feeling off ever since you had tonsillitis. I've noticed. What you really need is to sit in the sun and relax for three months. You're on the right track. I remember once when we were having dinner somewhere, you kept asking me about the Cliff-Dweller ruins. Are you still interested in them?”
“Of course they do. I’ve always wanted to go down there—long before I ever got in for this.”
“Of course they do. I’ve always wanted to go down there—long before I ever got involved in this.”
“I don’t think I told you, but my father owns a whole canyon full of Cliff-Dweller ruins. He has a big worthless ranch down in Arizona, near a Navajo reservation, and there’s a canyon on the place they call Panther Canyon, chock full of that sort of thing. I often go down there to hunt. Henry Biltmer and his wife live there and keep a tidy place. He’s an old German who worked in the brewery until he lost his health. Now he runs a few cattle. Henry likes to do me a favor. I’ve done a few for him.” Fred drowned his cigarette in his saucer and studied Thea’s expression, which was wistful and intent, envious and admiring. He continued with satisfaction: “If you went down there and stayed with them for two or three months, they wouldn’t let you pay anything. I might send Henry a new gun, but even I couldn’t offer him money for putting up a friend of mine. I’ll get you transportation. It would make a new girl of you. Let me write to Henry, and you pack your trunk. That’s all that’s necessary. No red tape about it. What do you say, Thea?”
“I don’t think I mentioned it, but my dad owns a whole canyon filled with Cliff-Dweller ruins. He has a big, useless ranch down in Arizona, near a Navajo reservation, and there’s a canyon on the property they call Panther Canyon, packed with that kind of stuff. I often go down there to hunt. Henry Biltmer and his wife live there and keep things neat. He’s an old German who worked in a brewery until he got sick. Now he runs a few cattle. Henry likes to do me favors. I’ve done a few for him.” Fred extinguished his cigarette in his saucer and observed Thea’s expression, which was both wistful and focused, envious and admiring. He continued with satisfaction: “If you went down there and stayed with them for two or three months, they wouldn’t let you pay anything. I might send Henry a new gun, but even I couldn’t offer him money for taking care of a friend of mine. I’ll arrange your transportation. It would be a whole new experience for you. Let me write to Henry, and you can pack your suitcase. That’s all that needs to be done. No hassle about it. What do you say, Thea?”
She bit her lip, and sighed as if she were waking up.
She bit her lip and sighed, like she was just waking up.
Fred crumpled his napkin impatiently. “Well, isn’t it easy enough?”
Fred crumpled his napkin impatiently. “Well, isn’t it simple enough?”
“That’s the trouble; it’s too easy. Doesn’t sound probable. I’m not used to getting things for nothing.”
"That’s the issue; it’s way too easy. Doesn’t seem likely. I’m not used to getting things without putting in effort."
Ottenburg laughed. “Oh, if that’s all, I’ll show you how to begin. You won’t get this for nothing, quite. I’ll ask you to let me stop off and see you on my way to California. Perhaps by that time you will be glad to see me. Better let me break the news to Bowers. I can manage him. He needs a little transportation himself now and then. You must get corduroy riding-things and leather leggings. There are a few snakes about. Why do you keep frowning?”
Ottenburg laughed. “Oh, if that’s all, I’ll show you how to get started. You won’t get this for free, though. I’ll ask you to let me swing by and see you on my way to California. Maybe by then you’ll be happy to see me. It’s better if I break the news to Bowers. I can handle him. He needs a little ride now and then, too. You should get some corduroy riding gear and leather leggings. There are a few snakes around. Why do you keep frowning?”
“Well, I don’t exactly see why you take the trouble. What do you get out of it? You haven’t liked me so well the last two or three weeks.”
“Well, I don’t really understand why you put in the effort. What do you gain from it? You haven’t seemed to like me much the last couple of weeks.”
Fred dropped his third cigarette and looked at his watch. “If you don’t see that, it’s because you need a tonic. I’ll show you what I’ll get out of it. Now I’m going to get a cab and take you home. You are too tired to walk a step. You’d better get to bed as soon as you get there. Of course, I don’t like you so well when you’re half anaesthetized all the time. What have you been doing to yourself?”
Fred dropped his third cigarette and checked his watch. “If you can’t see that, it’s because you need a drink. I’ll show you what I’ll gain from it. Now I’m going to grab a cab and take you home. You’re too tired to walk at all. You should get to bed as soon as you get there. Honestly, I don’t like you as much when you’re half out of it all the time. What have you been doing to yourself?”
Thea rose. “I don’t know. Being bored eats the heart out of me, I guess.” She walked meekly in front of him to the elevator. Fred noticed for the hundredth time how vehemently her body proclaimed her state of feeling. He remembered how remarkably brilliant and beautiful she had been when she sang at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s: flushed and gleaming, round and supple, something that couldn’t be dimmed or downed. And now she seemed a moving figure of discouragement. The very waiters glanced at her apprehensively. It was not that she made a fuss, but her back was most extraordinarily vocal. One never needed to see her face to know what she was full of that day. Yet she was certainly not mercurial. Her flesh seemed to take a mood and to “set,” like plaster. As he put her into the cab, Fred reflected once more that he “gave her up.” He would attack her when his lance was brighter.
Thea got up. “I don’t know. Being bored really drains me, I guess.” She walked quietly in front of him to the elevator. Fred noticed for the hundredth time how strongly her body expressed her feelings. He remembered how incredibly radiant and beautiful she had been when she sang at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s: flushed and shining, round and fit, something that couldn’t be diminished or overlooked. And now she looked like a figure weighed down by discouragement. Even the waiters glanced at her with concern. It wasn’t that she caused a scene, but her posture was remarkably telling. You didn’t even need to see her face to know what she was feeling that day. Yet she was definitely not unpredictable. Her demeanor seemed to settle into a mood and “harden,” like plaster. As he helped her into the cab, Fred thought once again that he had “given her up.” He would confront her when he was more prepared.
I
The San Francisco Mountain lies in Northern Arizona, above Flagstaff, and its blue slopes and snowy summit entice the eye for a hundred miles across the desert. About its base lie the pine forests of the Navajos, where the great red-trunked trees live out their peaceful centuries in that sparkling air. The piñons and scrub begin only where the forest ends, where the country breaks into open, stony clearings and the surface of the earth cracks into deep canyons. The great pines stand at a considerable distance from each other. Each tree grows alone, murmurs alone, thinks alone. They do not intrude upon each other. The Navajos are not much in the habit of giving or of asking help. Their language is not a communicative one, and they never attempt an interchange of personality in speech. Over their forests there is the same inexorable reserve. Each tree has its exalted power to bear.
The San Francisco Mountain is located in Northern Arizona, above Flagstaff, and its blue slopes and snowy peak catch the eye from a hundred miles away across the desert. At its base are the pine forests of the Navajos, where the tall, red-trunked trees live out their peaceful centuries in that clear air. The piñons and scrub appear only where the forest ends, where the land opens up into stony clearings and the ground cracks into deep canyons. The tall pines are spaced quite far apart. Each tree stands alone, whispers alone, reflects alone. They don’t crowd one another. The Navajos aren’t really used to giving or asking for help. Their language isn't very expressive, and they never try to share personal interactions in conversation. There's the same unyielding distance over their forests. Each tree carries its own powerful solitude.
That was the first thing Thea Kronborg felt about the forest, as she drove through it one May morning in Henry Biltmer’s democrat wagon—and it was the first great forest she had ever seen. She had got off the train at Flagstaff that morning, rolled off into the high, chill air when all the pines on the mountain were fired by sunrise, so that she seemed to fall from sleep directly into the forest.
That was the first thing Thea Kronborg felt about the forest as she drove through it one May morning in Henry Biltmer's wagon—and it was the first big forest she had ever seen. She had gotten off the train at Flagstaff that morning and stepped out into the high, chilly air when all the pines on the mountain were lit up by the sunrise, making it feel like she had fallen from sleep directly into the forest.
Old Biltmer followed a faint wagon trail which ran southeast, and which, as they traveled, continually dipped lower, falling away from the high plateau on the slope of which Flagstaff sits. The white peak of the mountain, the snow gorges above the timber, now disappeared from time to time as the road dropped and dropped, and the forest closed behind the wagon. More than the mountain disappeared as the forest closed thus. Thea seemed to be taking very little through the wood with her. The personality of which she was so tired seemed to let go of her. The high, sparkling air drank it up like blotting-paper. It was lost in the thrilling blue of the new sky and the song of the thin wind in the piñons. The old, fretted lines which marked one off, which defined her,—made her Thea Kronborg, Bowers’s accompanist, a soprano with a faulty middle voice,—were all erased.
Old Biltmer followed a faint wagon trail that headed southeast and, as they moved along, kept dropping lower, away from the high plateau where Flagstaff is located. The white peak of the mountain and the snowy gorges above the trees occasionally vanished as the road descended and the forest closed in around the wagon. More than just the mountain faded away as the forest enveloped them. Thea seemed to be taking very little from the woods with her. The personality that had worn her out seemed to release its grip on her. The high, fresh air absorbed it like a sponge. It was lost in the vibrant blue of the new sky and the melody of the light wind in the piñons. The old, strained lines that had defined her—making her Thea Kronborg, Bowers’s accompanist, a soprano with a weak middle voice—were all wiped away.
So far she had failed. Her two years in Chicago had not resulted in anything. She had failed with Harsanyi, and she had made no great progress with her voice. She had come to believe that whatever Bowers had taught her was of secondary importance, and that in the essential things she had made no advance. Her student life closed behind her, like the forest, and she doubted whether she could go back to it if she tried. Probably she would teach music in little country towns all her life. Failure was not so tragic as she would have supposed; she was tired enough not to care.
So far she had failed. Her two years in Chicago had led to nothing. She had failed with Harsanyi, and she hadn’t made much progress with her voice. She came to believe that whatever Bowers had taught her didn’t really matter, and that in the important aspects she hadn’t improved at all. Her student life closed behind her, like a dense forest, and she doubted whether she could return to it even if she wanted to. Most likely, she would teach music in small country towns for the rest of her life. Failure wasn’t as tragic as she would have thought; she was exhausted enough not to care.
She was getting back to the earliest sources of gladness that she could remember. She had loved the sun, and the brilliant solitudes of sand and sun, long before these other things had come along to fasten themselves upon her and torment her. That night, when she clambered into her big German feather bed, she felt completely released from the enslaving desire to get on in the world. Darkness had once again the sweet wonder that it had in childhood.
She was returning to the earliest sources of happiness she could remember. She had loved the sun and the bright emptiness of sand and sun, long before other things had attached themselves to her and caused her pain. That night, when she climbed into her big German feather bed, she felt completely freed from the controlling desire to succeed. Darkness once again held the sweet wonder it had in childhood.
II
Thea’s life at the Ottenburg ranch was simple and full of light, like the days themselves. She awoke every morning when the first fierce shafts of sunlight darted through the curtainless windows of her room at the ranch house. After breakfast she took her lunch-basket and went down to the canyon. Usually she did not return until sunset.
Thea’s life at the Ottenburg ranch was straightforward and bright, just like the days themselves. She woke up every morning when the first strong rays of sunlight streamed through the bare windows of her room in the ranch house. After breakfast, she grabbed her lunch basket and headed down to the canyon. Typically, she didn’t come back until sunset.
Panther Canyon was like a thousand others—one of those abrupt fissures with which the earth in the Southwest is riddled; so abrupt that you might walk over the edge of any one of them on a dark night and never know what had happened to you. This canyon headed on the Ottenburg ranch, about a mile from the ranch house, and it was accessible only at its head. The canyon walls, for the first two hundred feet below the surface, were perpendicular cliffs, striped with even-running strata of rock. From there on to the bottom the sides were less abrupt, were shelving, and lightly fringed with piñons and dwarf cedars. The effect was that of a gentler canyon within a wilder one. The dead city lay at the point where the perpendicular outer wall ceased and the V-shaped inner gorge began. There a stratum of rock, softer than those above, had been hollowed out by the action of time until it was like a deep groove running along the sides of the canyon. In this hollow (like a great fold in the rock) the Ancient People had built their houses of yellowish stone and mortar. The over-hanging cliff above made a roof two hundred feet thick. The hard stratum below was an everlasting floor. The houses stood along in a row, like the buildings in a city block, or like a barracks.
Panther Canyon was like a thousand others—one of those sudden openings in the earth that the Southwest is full of; so sudden that you could walk right over the edge on a dark night and never know what happened to you. This canyon started on the Ottenburg ranch, about a mile from the ranch house, and it could only be accessed at its beginning. The canyon walls, for the first two hundred feet down, were straight cliffs, marked with consistent layers of rock. From there to the bottom, the sides were less steep, sloping gently, and lightly dotted with piñons and dwarf cedars. The effect was like a gentler canyon within a rougher one. The ghost town was located where the steep outer wall ended and the V-shaped inner gorge began. There, a layer of rock, softer than the ones above, had been worn away by time, creating a deep groove along the sides of the canyon. In this hollow (like a large fold in the rock), the Ancient People had constructed their homes from yellowish stone and mortar. The overhanging cliff above formed a roof two hundred feet thick. The hard layer below was a solid floor. The houses were lined up in a row, like buildings in a city block or like a barracks.
In both walls of the canyon the same streak of soft rock had been washed out, and the long horizontal groove had been built up with houses. The dead city had thus two streets, one set in either cliff, facing each other across the ravine, with a river of blue air between them.
In both walls of the canyon, the same strip of soft rock had been eroded away, and the long horizontal groove had been lined with houses. The deserted city thus had two streets, each set into the opposite cliff, facing each other across the ravine, with a stream of blue air between them.
The canyon twisted and wound like a snake, and these two streets went on for four miles or more, interrupted by the abrupt turnings of the gorge, but beginning again within each turn. The canyon had a dozen of these false endings near its head. Beyond, the windings were larger and less perceptible, and it went on for a hundred miles, too narrow, precipitous, and terrible for man to follow it. The Cliff Dwellers liked wide canyons, where the great cliffs caught the sun. Panther Canyon had been deserted for hundreds of years when the first Spanish missionaries came into Arizona, but the masonry of the houses was still wonderfully firm; had crumbled only where a landslide or a rolling boulder had torn it.
The canyon twisted and turned like a snake, and these two streets stretched for four miles or more, interrupted by the sharp bends of the gorge but picking up again at each curve. The canyon had about a dozen of these false endings near its start. Beyond that, the twists were broader and less obvious, extending for a hundred miles, too narrow, steep, and daunting for anyone to navigate. The Cliff Dwellers preferred wide canyons, where the towering cliffs captured the sunlight. Panther Canyon had been abandoned for hundreds of years when the first Spanish missionaries arrived in Arizona, but the stonework of the houses was still impressively strong; it had only eroded in places where a landslide or a rolling boulder had damaged it.
All the houses in the canyon were clean with the cleanness of sun-baked, wind-swept places, and they all smelled of the tough little cedars that twisted themselves into the very doorways. One of these rock-rooms Thea took for her own. Fred had told her how to make it comfortable. The day after she came old Henry brought over on one of the pack-ponies a roll of Navajo blankets that belonged to Fred, and Thea lined her cave with them. The room was not more than eight by ten feet, and she could touch the stone roof with her finger-tips. This was her old idea: a nest in a high cliff, full of sun. All morning long the sun beat upon her cliff, while the ruins on the opposite side of the canyon were in shadow. In the afternoon, when she had the shade of two hundred feet of rock wall, the ruins on the other side of the gulf stood out in the blazing sunlight. Before her door ran the narrow, winding path that had been the street of the Ancient People. The yucca and niggerhead cactus grew everywhere. From her doorstep she looked out on the ocher-colored slope that ran down several hundred feet to the stream, and this hot rock was sparsely grown with dwarf trees. Their colors were so pale that the shadows of the little trees on the rock stood out sharper than the trees themselves. When Thea first came, the chokecherry bushes were in blossom, and the scent of them was almost sickeningly sweet after a shower. At the very bottom of the canyon, along the stream, there was a thread of bright, flickering, golden-green,—cottonwood seedlings. They made a living, chattering screen behind which she took her bath every morning.
All the houses in the canyon were tidy, with the cleanliness of sun-baked, wind-swept places, and they all smelled of the tough little cedars that twisted their way into the very doorways. Thea chose one of these rock rooms as her own. Fred had told her how to make it cozy. The day after she arrived, old Henry brought over a roll of Navajo blankets that belonged to Fred on one of the pack ponies, and Thea lined her cave with them. The room was only about eight by ten feet, and she could touch the stone roof with her fingertips. This was her old idea: a nest in a high cliff, full of sunlight. All morning long, the sun beat down on her cliff while the ruins on the opposite side of the canyon were in shadow. In the afternoon, when she had the shade of two hundred feet of rock wall, the ruins on the other side of the gulf stood out in the blazing sunlight. Before her door ran the narrow, winding path that had been the street of the Ancient People. Yucca and niggerhead cactus grew everywhere. From her doorstep, she looked out at the ocher-colored slope that dropped down several hundred feet to the stream, and this hot rock was sparsely dotted with small trees. Their colors were so pale that the shadows of the little trees on the rock stood out sharper than the trees themselves. When Thea first arrived, the chokecherry bushes were in bloom, and their scent was almost sickeningly sweet after a shower. At the very bottom of the canyon, along the stream, there was a thread of bright, flickering golden-green—cottonwood seedlings. They created a lively, chattering screen behind which she took her bath every morning.
Thea went down to the stream by the Indian water trail. She had found a bathing-pool with a sand bottom, where the creek was damned by fallen trees. The climb back was long and steep, and when she reached her little house in the cliff she always felt fresh delight in its comfort and inaccessibility. By the time she got there, the woolly red-and-gray blankets were saturated with sunlight, and she sometimes fell asleep as soon as she stretched her body on their warm surfaces. She used to wonder at her own inactivity. She could lie there hour after hour in the sun and listen to the strident whir of the big locusts, and to the light, ironical laughter of the quaking asps. All her life she had been hurrying and sputtering, as if she had been born behind time and had been trying to catch up. Now, she reflected, as she drew herself out long upon the rugs, it was as if she were waiting for something to catch up with her. She had got to a place where she was out of the stream of meaningless activity and undirected effort.
Thea went down to the stream along the Indian water trail. She found a swimming spot with a sandy bottom, where the creek was dammed by fallen trees. The climb back was long and steep, and whenever she reached her small house in the cliff, she always felt a fresh joy in its comfort and seclusion. By the time she got there, the soft red-and-gray blankets were warmed by the sunlight, and sometimes she would fall asleep as soon as she stretched out on their cozy surfaces. She often wondered about her own stillness. She could lie there hour after hour in the sun, listening to the loud buzzing of the big locusts and the light, ironic laughter of the quaking asps. Her whole life she had been rushing and flustered, as if she were born in the wrong era and was trying to catch up. Now, she thought, as she sprawled out on the rugs, it felt like she was waiting for something to catch up with her. She’d reached a point where she was free from pointless activity and aimless effort.
Here she could lie for half a day undistracted, holding pleasant and incomplete conceptions in her mind—almost in her hands. They were scarcely clear enough to be called ideas. They had something to do with fragrance and color and sound, but almost nothing to do with words. She was singing very little now, but a song would go through her head all morning, as a spring keeps welling up, and it was like a pleasant sensation indefinitely prolonged. It was much more like a sensation than like an idea, or an act of remembering. Music had never come to her in that sensuous form before. It had always been a thing to be struggled with, had always brought anxiety and exaltation and chagrin—never content and indolence. Thea began to wonder whether people could not utterly lose the power to work, as they can lose their voice or their memory. She had always been a little drudge, hurrying from one task to another—as if it mattered! And now her power to think seemed converted into a power of sustained sensation. She could become a mere receptacle for heat, or become a color, like the bright lizards that darted about on the hot stones outside her door; or she could become a continuous repetition of sound, like the cicadas.
Here, she could lie for half a day without distractions, holding pleasant and unfinished thoughts in her mind—almost in her hands. They were barely clear enough to be called ideas. They were related to fragrance, color, and sound, but almost nothing to do with words. She was singing very little now, but a song played in her head all morning, like a spring bubbling up, and it felt like a blissful sensation that lasted forever. It was much more like a feeling than an idea or an act of remembering. Music had never come to her in such a sensory way before. It had always been something to struggle with, always bringing anxiety and excitement and disappointment—never relaxation and laziness. Thea began to wonder if people could completely lose their ability to work, just as they can lose their voice or their memory. She had always been a bit of a workhorse, rushing from one task to another—as if it really mattered! And now her ability to think seemed transformed into a capacity for prolonged sensation. She could become a mere vessel for heat, or become a color, like the bright lizards darting around on the hot stones outside her door; or she could become a continuous sound, like the cicadas.
III
The faculty of observation was never highly developed in Thea Kronborg. A great deal escaped her eye as she passed through the world. But the things which were for her, she saw; she experienced them physically and remembered them as if they had once been a part of herself. The roses she used to see in the florists’ shops in Chicago were merely roses. But when she thought of the moonflowers that grew over Mrs. Tellamantez’s door, it was as if she had been that vine and had opened up in white flowers every night. There were memories of light on the sand hills, of masses of prickly-pear blossoms she had found in the desert in early childhood, of the late afternoon sun pouring through the grape leaves and the mint bed in Mrs. Kohler’s garden, which she would never lose. These recollections were a part of her mind and personality. In Chicago she had got almost nothing that went into her subconscious self and took root there. But here, in Panther Canyon, there were again things which seemed destined for her.
The ability to observe was never very strong in Thea Kronborg. A lot slipped by her as she moved through life. But the things that were meant for her, she noticed; she felt them deeply and remembered them as if they had once been a part of her. The roses she used to see in the florists’ shops in Chicago were just roses. But when she thought of the moonflowers that grew over Mrs. Tellamantez’s door, it felt like she had been that vine, blooming in white flowers every night. She held onto memories of light on the sand hills, of clusters of prickly-pear blossoms she had discovered in the desert when she was a child, of the late afternoon sun streaming through the grape leaves and the mint bed in Mrs. Kohler’s garden—memories she would never forget. These recollections were woven into her mind and personality. In Chicago, she had absorbed very little that became part of her inner self. But here, in Panther Canyon, there were once again things that seemed meant for her.
Panther Canyon was the home of innumerable swallows. They built nests in the wall far above the hollow groove in which Thea’s own rock chamber lay. They seldom ventured above the rim of the canyon, to the flat, wind-swept tableland. Their world was the blue air-river between the canyon walls. In that blue gulf the arrow-shaped birds swam all day long, with only an occasional movement of the wings. The only sad thing about them was their timidity; the way in which they lived their lives between the echoing cliffs and never dared to rise out of the shadow of the canyon walls. As they swam past her door, Thea often felt how easy it would be to dream one’s life out in some cleft in the world.
Panther Canyon was home to countless swallows. They built their nests high up on the walls, above the hollow groove where Thea’s rock chamber was located. They rarely flew above the canyon rim to the flat, windy tableland. Their world was the blue sky navigating between the canyon walls. In that blue space, the arrow-shaped birds flew all day long, barely moving their wings. The only sad part about them was their shyness; how they lived their lives in the echoes of the cliffs, never daring to rise out of the shadows of the canyon walls. As they flew past her door, Thea often felt how easy it would be to dream one’s life away in some hidden spot in the world.
From the ancient dwelling there came always a dignified, unobtrusive sadness; now stronger, now fainter,—like the aromatic smell which the dwarf cedars gave out in the sun,—but always present, a part of the air one breathed. At night, when Thea dreamed about the canyon,—or in the early morning when she hurried toward it, anticipating it,—her conception of it was of yellow rocks baking in sunlight, the swallows, the cedar smell, and that peculiar sadness—a voice out of the past, not very loud, that went on saying a few simple things to the solitude eternally.
From the old house, there was always a dignified, quiet sadness; sometimes it felt stronger, sometimes fainter—like the sweet scent released by the dwarf cedars in the sun—but it was always there, part of the air you breathed. At night, when Thea dreamed about the canyon—or in the early morning when she rushed toward it, looking forward to it—she imagined it as yellow rocks baking in the sunlight, the swallows, the cedar smell, and that unique sadness—a voice from the past, not very loud, continuously whispering a few simple things to the eternal solitude.
Standing up in her lodge, Thea could with her thumb nail dislodge flakes of carbon from the rock roof—the cooking-smoke of the Ancient People. They were that near! A timid, nest-building folk, like the swallows. How often Thea remembered Ray Kennedy’s moralizing about the cliff cities. He used to say that he never felt the hardness of the human struggle or the sadness of history as he felt it among those ruins. He used to say, too, that it made one feel an obligation to do one’s best. On the first day that Thea climbed the water trail she began to have intuitions about the women who had worn the path, and who had spent so great a part of their lives going up and down it. She found herself trying to walk as they must have walked, with a feeling in her feet and knees and loins which she had never known before,—which must have come up to her out of the accustomed dust of that rocky trail. She could feel the weight of an Indian baby hanging to her back as she climbed.
Standing up in her lodge, Thea could use her thumbnail to chip away flakes of carbon from the rock ceiling—the cooking smoke of the Ancient People. They were so close! A shy, nest-building group, like swallows. How often Thea remembered Ray Kennedy’s lectures about the cliff cities. He used to say that he never felt the harshness of the human struggle or the sadness of history as he did among those ruins. He would also say that it made one feel a responsibility to do one’s best. On the first day that Thea climbed the water trail, she began to sense the women who had walked this path, who had spent so much of their lives going up and down it. She found herself trying to walk as they must have walked, with a feeling in her feet and knees and lower back that she had never experienced before—it must have come to her from the familiar dust of that rocky trail. She could feel the weight of an Indian baby strapped to her back as she climbed.
The empty houses, among which she wandered in the afternoon, the blanketed one in which she lay all morning, were haunted by certain fears and desires; feelings about warmth and cold and water and physical strength. It seemed to Thea that a certain understanding of those old people came up to her out of the rock shelf on which she lay; that certain feelings were transmitted to her, suggestions that were simple, insistent, and monotonous, like the beating of Indian drums. They were not expressible in words, but seemed rather to translate themselves into attitudes of body, into degrees of muscular tension or relaxation; the naked strength of youth, sharp as the sunshafts; the crouching timorousness of age, the sullenness of women who waited for their captors. At the first turning of the canyon there was a half-ruined tower of yellow masonry, a watch-tower upon which the young men used to entice eagles and snare them with nets. Sometimes for a whole morning Thea could see the coppery breast and shoulders of an Indian youth there against the sky; see him throw the net, and watch the struggle with the eagle.
The empty houses she wandered through in the afternoon, and the one where she lay all morning, were filled with certain fears and desires; feelings about warmth, cold, water, and physical strength. Thea felt like she could understand those old folks from the rocky ledge where she lay; certain feelings came to her, simple, insistent, and monotonous, like the pounding of Indian drums. They couldn’t be put into words but translated into body language, into the tension or relaxation of her muscles; the raw strength of youth, sharp like beams of sunlight; the crouching fear of old age, the sulkiness of women waiting for their captors. At the first bend of the canyon, there was a half-ruined yellow masonry tower, a watchtower where young men used to lure and trap eagles with nets. Sometimes, Thea could spot the coppery chest and shoulders of a young Indian against the sky; see him throw the net, and watch the struggle with the eagle.
Old Henry Biltmer, at the ranch, had been a great deal among the Pueblo Indians who are the descendants of the Cliff-Dwellers. After supper he used to sit and smoke his pipe by the kitchen stove and talk to Thea about them. He had never found any one before who was interested in his ruins. Every Sunday the old man prowled about in the canyon, and he had come to know a good deal more about it than he could account for. He had gathered up a whole chestful of Cliff-Dweller relics which he meant to take back to Germany with him some day. He taught Thea how to find things among the ruins: grinding-stones, and drills and needles made of turkey-bones. There were fragments of pottery everywhere. Old Henry explained to her that the Ancient People had developed masonry and pottery far beyond any other crafts. After they had made houses for themselves, the next thing was to house the precious water. He explained to her how all their customs and ceremonies and their religion went back to water. The men provided the food, but water was the care of the women. The stupid women carried water for most of their lives; the cleverer ones made the vessels to hold it. Their pottery was their most direct appeal to water, the envelope and sheath of the precious element itself. The strongest Indian need was expressed in those graceful jars, fashioned slowly by hand, without the aid of a wheel.
Old Henry Biltmer, at the ranch, had spent a lot of time with the Pueblo Indians, who are the descendants of the Cliff-Dwellers. After dinner, he would sit and smoke his pipe by the kitchen stove and talk to Thea about them. He had never met anyone before who was interested in his discoveries. Every Sunday, the old man explored the canyon, and he had learned a lot more about it than he could explain. He had collected a whole chestful of Cliff-Dweller artifacts that he intended to take back to Germany someday. He taught Thea how to find things among the ruins: grinding stones, drills, and needles made from turkey bones. There were shards of pottery everywhere. Old Henry explained to her that the Ancient People had advanced masonry and pottery far beyond any other crafts. After they built homes for themselves, the next step was to secure their precious water. He told her how all their customs, ceremonies, and religion revolved around water. The men provided the food, but water was the responsibility of the women. The less intelligent women carried water for most of their lives; the smarter ones crafted the vessels to hold it. Their pottery was their most direct connection to water, the container for the precious resource itself. The strongest need of the Indians was expressed in those elegant jars, created slowly by hand, without the use of a wheel.
When Thea took her bath at the bottom of the canyon, in the sunny pool behind the screen of cottonwoods, she sometimes felt as if the water must have sovereign qualities, from having been the object of so much service and desire. That stream was the only living thing left of the drama that had been played out in the canyon centuries ago. In the rapid, restless heart of it, flowing swifter than the rest, there was a continuity of life that reached back into the old time. The glittering thread of current had a kind of lightly worn, loosely knit personality, graceful and laughing. Thea’s bath came to have a ceremonial gravity. The atmosphere of the canyon was ritualistic.
When Thea took her bath at the bottom of the canyon, in the sunny pool behind the cottonwoods, she sometimes felt like the water had special qualities, having received so much attention and longing. That stream was the only living remnant of the drama that had unfolded in the canyon centuries ago. In the quick, restless core of it, flowing faster than the rest, there was a continuity of life that stretched back to ancient times. The shimmering current had a kind of casually worn, loosely knit personality, graceful and joyful. Thea’s bath started to feel like a ritual. The atmosphere of the canyon felt ceremonial.
One morning, as she was standing upright in the pool, splashing water between her shoulder-blades with a big sponge, something flashed through her mind that made her draw herself up and stand still until the water had quite dried upon her flushed skin. The stream and the broken pottery: what was any art but an effort to make a sheath, a mould in which to imprison for a moment the shining, elusive element which is life itself,—life hurrying past us and running away, too strong to stop, too sweet to lose? The Indian women had held it in their jars. In the sculpture she had seen in the Art Institute, it had been caught in a flash of arrested motion. In singing, one made a vessel of one’s throat and nostrils and held it on one’s breath, caught the stream in a scale of natural intervals.
One morning, while standing in the pool and splashing water between her shoulder blades with a big sponge, something crossed her mind that made her straighten up and stay still until the water had completely dried on her flushed skin. The stream and the broken pottery: what is art if not an attempt to create a sheath, a mold to temporarily capture the shining, elusive essence of life itself—life rushing past us and slipping away, too powerful to stop, too precious to lose? The Indian women had held it in their jars. In the sculpture she had seen at the Art Institute, it had been captured in a moment of suspended motion. In singing, one forms a vessel with their throat and nostrils and holds it on their breath, catching the flow in a range of natural intervals.
IV
Thea had a superstitious feeling about the potsherds, and liked better to leave them in the dwellings where she found them. If she took a few bits back to her own lodge and hid them under the blankets, she did it guiltily, as if she were being watched. She was a guest in these houses, and ought to behave as such. Nearly every afternoon she went to the chambers which contained the most interesting fragments of pottery, sat and looked at them for a while. Some of them were beautifully decorated. This care, expended upon vessels that could not hold food or water any better for the additional labor put upon them, made her heart go out to those ancient potters. They had not only expressed their desire, but they had expressed it as beautifully as they could. Food, fire, water, and something else—even here, in this crack in the world, so far back in the night of the past! Down here at the beginning that painful thing was already stirring; the seed of sorrow, and of so much delight.
Thea felt superstitious about the potsherds and preferred to leave them in the homes where she found them. If she took a few pieces back to her own lodge and hid them under the blankets, she did it with a sense of guilt, as if someone were watching her. She was a guest in these houses and should act accordingly. Almost every afternoon, she visited the rooms with the most fascinating pottery fragments, sitting and admiring them for a while. Some were beautifully decorated. The effort put into making these vessels, which could hold food or water just as well without the extra work, made her feel for those ancient potters. They had not only shared their intentions but had also done it as beautifully as they could. Food, fire, water, and something else—even here, in this small corner of the world, so deep in the past! Even at the beginning, that painful feeling was already emerging; the seed of sorrow and of so much joy.
There were jars done in a delicate overlay, like pine cones; and there were many patterns in a low relief, like basket-work. Some of the pottery was decorated in color, red and brown, black and white, in graceful geometrical patterns. One day, on a fragment of a shallow bowl, she found a crested serpent’s head, painted in red on terra-cotta. Again she found half a bowl with a broad band of white cliff-houses painted on a black ground. They were scarcely conventionalized at all; there they were in the black border, just as they stood in the rock before her. It brought her centuries nearer to these people to find that they saw their houses exactly as she saw them.
There were jars with a delicate overlay, resembling pine cones; and there were many patterns in low relief, similar to basket-weaving. Some of the pottery was decorated in colors like red and brown, black and white, with elegant geometric patterns. One day, on a piece of a shallow bowl, she discovered a crested serpent’s head, painted in red on terra-cotta. Then she found half a bowl with a wide band of white cliff-houses depicted on a black background. They were hardly stylized at all; they were right there in the black border, just like they stood in the rock in front of her. It brought her centuries closer to these people to realize that they saw their houses exactly as she did.
Yes, Ray Kennedy was right. All these things made one feel that one ought to do one’s best, and help to fulfill some desire of the dust that slept there. A dream had been dreamed there long ago, in the night of ages, and the wind had whispered some promise to the sadness of the savage. In their own way, those people had felt the beginnings of what was to come. These potsherds were like fetters that bound one to a long chain of human endeavor.
Yes, Ray Kennedy was right. All these things made you feel that you should do your best and help fulfill some longing of the dust that rested there. A dream had been dreamed there long ago, in the night of ages, and the wind had whispered some promise to the sorrow of the savage. In their own way, those people had sensed the beginnings of what was to come. These broken pieces of pottery were like shackles that tied you to a long chain of human effort.
Not only did the world seem older and richer to Thea now, but she herself seemed older. She had never been alone for so long before, or thought so much. Nothing had ever engrossed her so deeply as the daily contemplation of that line of pale-yellow houses tucked into the wrinkle of the cliff. Moonstone and Chicago had become vague. Here everything was simple and definite, as things had been in childhood. Her mind was like a ragbag into which she had been frantically thrusting whatever she could grab. And here she must throw this lumber away. The things that were really hers separated themselves from the rest. Her ideas were simplified, became sharper and clearer. She felt united and strong.
Not only did the world seem older and richer to Thea now, but she herself felt older too. She had never been alone for so long before, or thought so deeply. Nothing had ever captivated her as much as the daily sight of those pale-yellow houses nestled in the curve of the cliff. Moonstone and Chicago had faded into the background. Here, everything was simple and clear, like it had been in childhood. Her mind was like a messy bag where she had been desperately tossing anything she could find. And now she needed to clean this up. The things that truly belonged to her separated themselves from the clutter. Her thoughts became simpler, sharper, and clearer. She felt connected and strong.
When Thea had been at the Ottenburg ranch for two months, she got a letter from Fred announcing that he “might be along at almost any time now.” The letter came at night, and the next morning she took it down into the canyon with her. She was delighted that he was coming soon. She had never felt so grateful to any one, and she wanted to tell him everything that had happened to her since she had been there—more than had happened in all her life before. Certainly she liked Fred better than any one else in the world. There was Harsanyi, of course—but Harsanyi was always tired. Just now, and here, she wanted some one who had never been tired, who could catch an idea and run with it.
When Thea had been at the Ottenburg ranch for two months, she received a letter from Fred saying that he "might be coming by any time now." The letter arrived at night, and the next morning she took it down into the canyon with her. She was thrilled that he would be arriving soon. She had never felt so thankful to anyone, and she wanted to share everything that had happened to her since she had been there—more than what had occurred in her entire life before. She definitely liked Fred more than anyone else in the world. There was Harsanyi, of course—but Harsanyi was always tired. Right now, in this moment, she wanted someone who had never been tired, who could grasp an idea and run with it.
She was ashamed to think what an apprehensive drudge she must always have seemed to Fred, and she wondered why he had concerned himself about her at all. Perhaps she would never be so happy or so good-looking again, and she would like Fred to see her, for once, at her best. She had not been singing much, but she knew that her voice was more interesting than it had ever been before. She had begun to understand that—with her, at least—voice was, first of all, vitality; a lightness in the body and a driving power in the blood. If she had that, she could sing. When she felt so keenly alive, lying on that insensible shelf of stone, when her body bounded like a rubber ball away from its hardness, then she could sing. This, too, she could explain to Fred. He would know what she meant.
She felt embarrassed to think about how much of a nervous, hard-working person she must have always seemed to Fred, and she wondered why he had ever bothered with her at all. Maybe she would never be as happy or as attractive again, and she wanted Fred to see her at her best, just once. She hadn’t been singing much lately, but she knew her voice was more captivating than it had ever been. She had started to realize that, at least for her, singing was primarily about feeling alive; it was a lightness in her body and an energy in her blood. If she had that, she could sing. When she felt so vibrantly alive, lying on that unyielding slab of stone, with her body bouncing like a rubber ball off its hardness, then she could sing. This too, she could explain to Fred. He would understand what she meant.
Another week passed. Thea did the same things as before, felt the same influences, went over the same ideas; but there was a livelier movement in her thoughts, and a freshening of sensation, like the brightness which came over the underbrush after a shower. A persistent affirmation—or denial—was going on in her, like the tapping of the woodpecker in the one tall pine tree across the chasm. Musical phrases drove each other rapidly through her mind, and the song of the cicada was now too long and too sharp. Everything seemed suddenly to take the form of a desire for action.
Another week went by. Thea continued doing the same things as before, felt the same influences, and pondered the same ideas; but there was a more vibrant movement in her thoughts and a refreshing sensation, like the brightness that lights up the underbrush after a rain. A constant affirmation—or denial—was happening within her, like the tapping of a woodpecker in the tall pine tree across the ravine. Musical phrases flowed rapidly through her mind, and the cicada's song felt too lengthy and too piercing. Suddenly, everything seemed to express a desire for action.
It was while she was in this abstracted state, waiting for the clock to strike, that Thea at last made up her mind what she was going to try to do in the world, and that she was going to Germany to study without further loss of time. Only by the merest chance had she ever got to Panther Canyon. There was certainly no kindly Providence that directed one’s life; and one’s parents did not in the least care what became of one, so long as one did not misbehave and endanger their comfort. One’s life was at the mercy of blind chance. She had better take it in her own hands and lose everything than meekly draw the plough under the rod of parental guidance. She had seen it when she was at home last summer,—the hostility of comfortable, self-satisfied people toward any serious effort. Even to her father it seemed indecorous. Whenever she spoke seriously, he looked apologetic. Yet she had clung fast to whatever was left of Moonstone in her mind. No more of that! The Cliff-Dwellers had lengthened her past. She had older and higher obligations.
It was in this absent-minded state, waiting for the clock to strike, that Thea finally decided what she wanted to do in the world, and that she was going to Germany to study without wasting any more time. It was only by chance that she had ever made it to Panther Canyon. There was definitely no benevolent force guiding one’s life; and her parents didn’t really care what happened to her, as long as she didn’t misbehave and disrupt their comfort. One’s life was subject to random chance. She’d rather take control of it and risk losing everything than passively follow the path laid out by her parents. She had noticed it when she was home last summer—the disdain of comfortable, self-satisfied people toward any serious ambition. Even her father found it inappropriate. Whenever she spoke seriously, he looked embarrassed. Still, she had held on to whatever memories of Moonstone remained in her mind. No more of that! The Cliff-Dwellers had expanded her past. She had older and greater responsibilities.
V
One Sunday afternoon late in July old Henry Biltmer was rheumatically descending into the head of the canyon. The Sunday before had been one of those cloudy days—fortunately rare—when the life goes out of that country and it becomes a gray ghost, an empty, shivering uncertainty. Henry had spent the day in the barn; his canyon was a reality only when it was flooded with the light of its great lamp, when the yellow rocks cast purple shadows, and the resin was fairly cooking in the corkscrew cedars. The yuccas were in blossom now. Out of each clump of sharp bayonet leaves rose a tall stalk hung with greenish-white bells with thick, fleshy petals. The niggerhead cactus was thrusting its crimson blooms up out of every crevice in the rocks.
One Sunday afternoon in late July, old Henry Biltmer was walking down into the canyon. The Sunday before had been one of those cloudy days—thankfully rare—when the life seemed to drain out of the land, leaving it looking like a gray ghost, an empty, shivering uncertainty. Henry had spent the day in the barn; the canyon only felt real when it was lit up by the light of its great lamp, when the yellow rocks cast purple shadows, and the resin was practically bubbling in the twisted cedars. The yuccas were blooming now. From each group of sharp bayonet leaves, a tall stalk emerged, adorned with greenish-white bells that had thick, fleshy petals. The niggerhead cactus was pushing its crimson flowers up through every crack in the rocks.
Henry had come out on the pretext of hunting a spade and pick-axe that young Ottenburg had borrowed, but he was keeping his eyes open. He was really very curious about the new occupants of the canyon, and what they found to do there all day long. He let his eye travel along the gulf for a mile or so to the first turning, where the fissure zigzagged out and then receded behind a stone promontory on which stood the yellowish, crumbling ruin of the old watch-tower.
Henry had come out claiming he was looking for a spade and pick-axe that young Ottenburg had borrowed, but he was actually keeping an eye out. He was genuinely curious about the new people in the canyon and what they spent their days doing. He let his gaze wander along the canyon for about a mile to the first bend, where the crack twisted out and then disappeared behind a stone promontory that held the yellowish, crumbling remains of the old watchtower.
From the base of this tower, which now threw its shadow forward, bits of rock kept flying out into the open gulf—skating upon the air until they lost their momentum, then falling like chips until they rang upon the ledges at the bottom of the gorge or splashed into the stream. Biltmer shaded his eyes with his hand. There on the promontory, against the cream-colored cliff, were two figures nimbly moving in the light, both slender and agile, entirely absorbed in their game. They looked like two boys. Both were hatless and both wore white shirts.
From the base of this tower, which now cast its shadow forward, chunks of rock kept flying out into the open gulf—gliding through the air until they lost their momentum, then falling like chips until they echoed on the ledges at the bottom of the gorge or splashed into the stream. Biltmer shaded his eyes with his hand. There, on the promontory, against the cream-colored cliff, were two figures nimbly moving in the light, both slender and agile, completely absorbed in their game. They looked like two boys. Both were without hats and wore white shirts.
Henry forgot his pick-axe and followed the trail before the cliff-houses toward the tower. Behind the tower, as he well knew, were heaps of stones, large and small, piled against the face of the cliff. He had always believed that the Indian watchmen piled them there for ammunition. Thea and Fred had come upon these missiles and were throwing them for distance. As Biltmer approached he could hear them laughing, and he caught Thea’s voice, high and excited, with a ring of vexation in it. Fred was teaching her to throw a heavy stone like a discus. When it was Fred’s turn, he sent a triangular-shaped stone out into the air with considerable skill. Thea watched it enviously, standing in a half-defiant posture, her sleeves rolled above her elbows and her face flushed with heat and excitement. After Fred’s third missile had rung upon the rocks below, she snatched up a stone and stepped impatiently out on the ledge in front of him. He caught her by the elbows and pulled her back.
Henry forgot his pickaxe and followed the path in front of the cliff houses toward the tower. Behind the tower, as he knew well, there were piles of stones, big and small, stacked against the cliff face. He had always thought that the Indian watchmen put them there to use as ammunition. Thea and Fred had discovered these stones and were throwing them to see who could throw the farthest. As Biltmer got closer, he could hear them laughing, and he caught Thea’s voice, high and excited, with a hint of frustration in it. Fred was showing her how to throw a heavy stone like a discus. When it was Fred’s turn, he threw a triangular-shaped stone into the air with impressive skill. Thea watched enviously, standing half-defiantly, her sleeves rolled up past her elbows and her face flushed with heat and excitement. After Fred’s third stone clattered on the rocks below, she picked up a stone and stepped impatiently onto the ledge in front of him. He grabbed her by the elbows and pulled her back.
“Not so close, you silly! You’ll spin yourself off in a minute.”
“Not so close, you goof! You'll send yourself flying in a minute.”
“You went that close. There’s your heel-mark,” she retorted.
“You got that close. There's your heel mark,” she shot back.
“Well, I know how. That makes a difference.” He drew a mark in the dust with his toe. “There, that’s right. Don’t step over that. Pivot yourself on your spine, and make a half turn. When you’ve swung your length, let it go.”
“Well, I know how. That makes a difference.” He drew a mark in the dust with his toe. “There, that’s it. Don’t step over that. Pivot on your spine, and make a half turn. Once you’ve swung your body, let it go.”
Thea settled the flat piece of rock between her wrist and fingers, faced the cliff wall, stretched her arm in position, whirled round on her left foot to the full stretch of her body, and let the missile spin out over the gulf. She hung expectantly in the air, forgetting to draw back her arm, her eyes following the stone as if it carried her fortunes with it. Her comrade watched her; there weren’t many girls who could show a line like that from the toe to the thigh, from the shoulder to the tip of the outstretched hand. The stone spent itself and began to fall. Thea drew back and struck her knee furiously with her palm.
Thea placed a flat rock between her wrist and fingers, faced the cliff wall, stretched her arm out, spun around on her left foot to fully extend her body, and let the rock fly over the gulf. She hung in the air, forgetting to retract her arm, her eyes following the stone as if it carried her future with it. Her friend watched her; not many girls could show a line like that from their toe to their thigh, from their shoulder to the tip of their outstretched hand. The stone lost momentum and started to fall. Thea pulled back and slammed her palm against her knee in frustration.
“There it goes again! Not nearly so far as yours. What is the matter with me? Give me another.” She faced the cliff and whirled again. The stone spun out, not quite so far as before.
“There it goes again! Not nearly as far as yours. What is wrong with me? Give me another.” She turned to the cliff and twirled again. The stone flew out, not quite as far as before.
Ottenburg laughed. “Why do you keep on working after you’ve thrown it? You can’t help it along then.”
Ottenburg laughed. “Why do you keep working after you’ve thrown it? You can’t make it go any faster then.”
Without replying, Thea stooped and selected another stone, took a deep breath and made another turn. Fred watched the disk, exclaiming, “Good girl! You got past the pine that time. That’s a good throw.”
Without replying, Thea bent down and picked another stone, took a deep breath, and made another throw. Fred watched the disk, cheering, “Good job! You got past the pine that time. That’s a great throw.”
She took out her handkerchief and wiped her glowing face and throat, pausing to feel her right shoulder with her left hand.
She pulled out her handkerchief and wiped her flushed face and neck, taking a moment to check her right shoulder with her left hand.
“Ah—ha, you’ve made yourself sore, haven’t you? What did I tell you? You go at things too hard. I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, Thea,” Fred dusted his hands and began tucking in the blouse of his shirt, “I’m going to make some single-sticks and teach you to fence. You’d be all right there. You’re light and quick and you’ve got lots of drive in you. I’d like to have you come at me with foils; you’d look so fierce,” he chuckled.
“Ah, you’ve really worn yourself out, haven’t you? What did I say? You dive into things too intensely. Here’s what I’m going to do, Thea,” Fred dusted off his hands and started tucking in his shirt, “I’m going to make some single sticks and teach you how to fence. You’d be great at it. You’re light and quick, and you’ve got a lot of energy. I’d love to see you come at me with foils; you’d look so fierce,” he chuckled.
She turned away from him and stubbornly sent out another stone, hanging in the air after its flight. Her fury amused Fred, who took all games lightly and played them well. She was breathing hard, and little beads of moisture had gathered on her upper lip. He slipped his arm about her. “If you will look as pretty as that—” he bent his head and kissed her. Thea was startled, gave him an angry push, drove at him with her free hand in a manner quite hostile. Fred was on his mettle in an instant. He pinned both her arms down and kissed her resolutely.
She turned away from him and defiantly threw another stone, which hung in the air after it flew. Her anger amused Fred, who took all games lightly and played them well. She was breathing heavily, with tiny beads of sweat forming on her upper lip. He wrapped his arm around her. “If you look as pretty as that—” he leaned in and kissed her. Thea was taken aback, shoved him away in anger, and aimed a punch at him with her free hand in a clearly hostile way. Fred quickly reacted, pinning both of her arms down and kissing her firmly.
When he released her, she turned away and spoke over her shoulder. “That was mean of you, but I suppose I deserved what I got.”
When he let her go, she turned away and said over her shoulder, “That was really harsh of you, but I guess I got what I deserved.”
“I should say you did deserve it,” Fred panted, “turning savage on me like that! I should say you did deserve it!”
“I should say you definitely deserved it,” Fred panted, “acting all savage on me like that! I should say you definitely deserved it!”
He saw her shoulders harden. “Well, I just said I deserved it, didn’t I? What more do you want?”
He noticed her shoulders tense up. “Well, I already said I deserved it, didn’t I? What more do you want?”
“I want you to tell me why you flew at me like that! You weren’t playing; you looked as if you’d like to murder me.”
“I want you to tell me why you came at me like that! You weren't joking; you looked like you wanted to kill me.”
She brushed back her hair impatiently. “I didn’t mean anything, really. You interrupted me when I was watching the stone. I can’t jump from one thing to another. I pushed you without thinking.”
She pushed her hair back, feeling annoyed. “I didn’t mean anything by it, honestly. You interrupted me while I was focused on the stone. I can’t just switch from one thing to another like that. I shoved you without thinking.”
Fred thought her back expressed contrition. He went up to her, stood behind her with his chin above her shoulder, and said something in her ear. Thea laughed and turned toward him. They left the stone-pile carelessly, as if they had never been interested in it, rounded the yellow tower, and disappeared into the second turn of the canyon, where the dead city, interrupted by the jutting promontory, began again.
Fred thought her back showed regret. He walked up to her, stood behind her with his chin resting on her shoulder, and whispered something in her ear. Thea laughed and turned to face him. They left the stone pile without a care, as if they had never been interested in it, rounded the yellow tower, and vanished into the second bend of the canyon, where the abandoned city, interrupted by the jutting promontory, started again.
Old Biltmer had been somewhat embarrassed by the turn the game had taken. He had not heard their conversation, but the pantomime against the rocks was clear enough. When the two young people disappeared, their host retreated rapidly toward the head of the canyon.
Old Biltmer felt a bit awkward about how the game had gone. He hadn’t caught their conversation, but the gestures against the rocks were obvious. When the two young people vanished, their host quickly headed back toward the top of the canyon.
“I guess that young lady can take care of herself,” he chuckled. “Young Fred, though, he has quite a way with them.”
“I guess that young lady can handle herself,” he chuckled. “Young Fred, though, he really knows how to charm them.”
VI
Day was breaking over Panther Canyon. The gulf was cold and full of heavy, purplish twilight. The wood smoke which drifted from one of the cliff-houses hung in a blue scarf across the chasm, until the draft caught it and whirled it away. Thea was crouching in the doorway of her rock house, while Ottenburg looked after the crackling fire in the next cave. He was waiting for it to burn down to coals before he put the coffee on to boil.
Day was breaking over Panther Canyon. The air was cold and filled with heavy, purplish twilight. The wood smoke drifting from one of the cliff houses hung like a blue scarf across the chasm until a draft caught it and swirled it away. Thea was crouching in the doorway of her rock house, while Ottenburg tended to the crackling fire in the next cave. He was waiting for it to burn down to coals before he put the coffee on to boil.
They had left the ranch house that morning a little after three o’clock, having packed their camp equipment the day before, and had crossed the open pasture land with their lantern while the stars were still bright. During the descent into the canyon by lantern-light, they were chilled through their coats and sweaters. The lantern crept slowly along the rock trail, where the heavy air seemed to offer resistance. The voice of the stream at the bottom of the gorge was hollow and threatening, much louder and deeper than it ever was by day—another voice altogether. The sullenness of the place seemed to say that the world could get on very well without people, red or white; that under the human world there was a geological world, conducting its silent, immense operations which were indifferent to man. Thea had often seen the desert sunrise,—a lighthearted affair, where the sun springs out of bed and the world is golden in an instant. But this canyon seemed to waken like an old man, with rheum and stiffness of the joints, with heaviness, and a dull, malignant mind. She crouched against the wall while the stars faded, and thought what courage the early races must have had to endure so much for the little they got out of life.
They left the ranch house that morning a little after three o’clock, having packed their camping gear the day before, and crossed the open pasture with their lantern while the stars were still shining bright. As they made their way down into the canyon by lantern light, they felt cold through their coats and sweaters. The lantern moved slowly along the rocky path, where the heavy air seemed to push back. The sound of the stream at the bottom of the gorge was hollow and threatening, much louder and deeper than it ever was during the day—completely different. The gloomy atmosphere suggested that the world could get along just fine without people, whether they were red or white; that beneath the human world lay a geological world, silently performing its massive operations, unimpressed by humanity. Thea had often witnessed the desert sunrise—a cheerful sight, where the sun jumps out of bed and the world instantly turns golden. But this canyon felt like it woke up like an old man, stiff and achy, heavy, with a dull, malicious vibe. She huddled against the wall as the stars faded and thought about how much courage the early people must have had to endure so much for so little in life.
At last a kind of hopefulness broke in the air. In a moment the pine trees up on the edge of the rim were flashing with coppery fire. The thin red clouds which hung above their pointed tops began to boil and move rapidly, weaving in and out like smoke. The swallows darted out of their rock houses as at a signal, and flew upward, toward the rim. Little brown birds began to chirp in the bushes along the watercourse down at the bottom of the ravine, where everything was still dusky and pale. At first the golden light seemed to hang like a wave upon the rim of the canyon; the trees and bushes up there, which one scarcely noticed at noon, stood out magnified by the slanting rays. Long, thin streaks of light began to reach quiveringly down into the canyon. The red sun rose rapidly above the tops of the blazing pines, and its glow burst into the gulf, about the very doorstep on which Thea sat. It bored into the wet, dark underbrush. The dripping cherry bushes, the pale aspens, and the frosty piñons were glittering and trembling, swimming in the liquid gold. All the pale, dusty little herbs of the bean family, never seen by any one but a botanist, became for a moment individual and important, their silky leaves quite beautiful with dew and light. The arch of sky overhead, heavy as lead a little while before, lifted, became more and more transparent, and one could look up into depths of pearly blue.
At last, a sense of hope filled the air. In an instant, the pine trees on the rim were glowing with a coppery fire. The thin red clouds above their pointed tops began to swirl and move quickly, weaving in and out like smoke. The swallows darted out of their rock homes as if signaled and flew upward toward the rim. Little brown birds began to chirp in the bushes along the waterway at the bottom of the ravine, where everything was still dim and pale. At first, the golden light seemed to hover like a wave on the rim of the canyon; the trees and bushes up there, which hardly stood out at noon, were highlighted by the slanting rays. Long, thin beams of light began to quiver down into the canyon. The red sun rose quickly above the tops of the blazing pines, and its glow burst into the gulf, right at the doorstep where Thea sat. It pierced into the wet, dark underbrush. The dripping cherry bushes, the pale aspens, and the frosty piñons sparkled and trembled, swimming in the liquid gold. All the pale, dusty little herbs from the bean family, typically overlooked by anyone but a botanist, suddenly became unique and significant, their silky leaves glistening with dew and light. The sky overhead, heavy and leaden moments before, lifted, becoming clearer and clearer, revealing depths of pearly blue.
The savor of coffee and bacon mingled with the smell of wet cedars drying, and Fred called to Thea that he was ready for her. They sat down in the doorway of his kitchen, with the warmth of the live coals behind them and the sunlight on their faces, and began their breakfast, Mrs. Biltmer’s thick coffee cups and the cream bottle between them, the coffee-pot and frying-pan conveniently keeping hot among the embers.
The smell of coffee and bacon mixed with the scent of wet cedars drying, and Fred shouted to Thea that he was ready for her. They sat in the doorway of his kitchen, with the warmth of the live coals behind them and sunlight on their faces, and started their breakfast, Mrs. Biltmer’s big coffee cups and the cream bottle between them, the coffee pot and frying pan conveniently kept warm among the embers.
“I thought you were going back on the whole proposition, Thea, when you were crawling along with that lantern. I couldn’t get a word out of you.”
"I thought you were changing your mind about the whole thing, Thea, when you were creeping along with that lantern. I couldn't get a word out of you."
“I know. I was cold and hungry, and I didn’t believe there was going to be any morning, anyway. Didn’t you feel queer, at all?”
“I know. I was cold and hungry, and I didn’t think there was going to be a morning anyway. Didn’t you feel strange at all?”
Fred squinted above his smoking cup. “Well, I am never strong for getting up before the sun. The world looks unfurnished. When I first lit the fire and had a square look at you, I thought I’d got the wrong girl. Pale, grim—you were a sight!”
Fred squinted over his steaming cup. “Well, I’m never great at waking up before the sun. The world looks empty. When I first lit the fire and took a good look at you, I thought I’d mistaken you for someone else. Pale, serious—you were something else!”
Thea leaned back into the shadow of the rock room and warmed her hands over the coals. “It was dismal enough. How warm these walls are, all the way round; and your breakfast is so good. I’m all right now, Fred.”
Thea leaned back into the shadow of the rock room and warmed her hands over the coals. “It was pretty miserable. These walls are so warm all the way around, and your breakfast is really good. I’m good now, Fred.”
“Yes, you’re all right now.” Fred lit a cigarette and looked at her critically as her head emerged into the sun again. “You get up every morning just a little bit handsomer than you were the day before. I’d love you just as much if you were not turning into one of the loveliest women I’ve ever seen; but you are, and that’s a fact to be reckoned with.” He watched her across the thin line of smoke he blew from his lips. “What are you going to do with all that beauty and all that talent, Miss Kronborg?”
“Yes, you’re doing fine now.” Fred lit a cigarette and looked at her critically as her head came back into the sunlight. “You get a little bit more good-looking every morning than you were the day before. I’d still love you just as much even if you weren’t becoming one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen; but you are, and that’s something to consider.” He observed her through the thin line of smoke he exhaled. “What are you planning to do with all that beauty and talent, Miss Kronborg?”
She turned away to the fire again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered with an awkwardness which did not conceal her pleasure.
She turned back to the fire. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she mumbled with an awkwardness that didn’t hide her enjoyment.
Ottenburg laughed softly. “Oh, yes, you do! Nobody better! You’re a close one, but you give yourself away sometimes, like everybody else. Do you know, I’ve decided that you never do a single thing without an ulterior motive.” He threw away his cigarette, took out his tobacco-pouch and began to fill his pipe. “You ride and fence and walk and climb, but I know that all the while you’re getting somewhere in your mind. All these things are instruments; and I, too, am an instrument.” He looked up in time to intercept a quick, startled glance from Thea. “Oh, I don’t mind,” he chuckled; “not a bit. Every woman, every interesting woman, has ulterior motives, many of ’em less creditable than yours. It’s your constancy that amuses me. You must have been doing it ever since you were two feet high.”
Ottenburg chuckled softly. “Oh, yes, you do! No one better! You’re a tough one to read, but you slip up sometimes, just like everyone else. You know, I’ve figured out that you never do anything without a hidden agenda.” He tossed away his cigarette, pulled out his tobacco pouch, and started filling his pipe. “You ride, fence, walk, and climb, but I know you’re always trying to achieve something in your head. All these activities are just tools; and I’m a tool, too.” He glanced up just in time to catch a quick, surprised look from Thea. “Oh, I don’t mind,” he laughed; “not at all. Every woman, every intriguing woman, has hidden motives, many less admirable than yours. It’s your consistency that makes me laugh. You must have been at it since you were little.”
Thea looked slowly up at her companion’s good-humored face. His eyes, sometimes too restless and sympathetic in town, had grown steadier and clearer in the open air. His short curly beard and yellow hair had reddened in the sun and wind. The pleasant vigor of his person was always delightful to her, something to signal to and laugh with in a world of negative people. With Fred she was never becalmed. There was always life in the air, always something coming and going, a rhythm of feeling and action,—stronger than the natural accord of youth. As she looked at him, leaning against the sunny wall, she felt a desire to be frank with him. She was not willfully holding anything back. But, on the other hand, she could not force things that held themselves back. “Yes, it was like that when I was little,” she said at last. “I had to be close, as you call it, or go under. But I didn’t know I had been like that since you came. I’ve had nothing to be close about. I haven’t thought about anything but having a good time with you. I’ve just drifted.”
Thea looked slowly up at her companion's cheerful face. His eyes, sometimes too restless and sympathetic in town, had become steadier and clearer in the open air. His short curly beard and blonde hair had reddened in the sun and wind. The pleasant energy of his presence was always refreshing to her, something to connect with and laugh about in a world full of negative people. With Fred, she was never stuck. There was always life in the air, always something happening, a rhythm of feelings and actions—stronger than the usual connection of youth. As she looked at him, leaning against the sunny wall, she felt a desire to be honest with him. She wasn't intentionally holding anything back. But, on the other hand, she couldn't force things that wanted to stay hidden. “Yes, it was like that when I was little,” she finally said. “I had to be close, as you put it, or I'd drown. But I didn’t realize I had been like that since you came. I haven't had anything to be close to. I haven’t thought about anything except having a good time with you. I've just gone with the flow.”
Fred blew a trail of smoke out into the breeze and looked knowing. “Yes, you drift like a rifle ball, my dear. It’s your—your direction that I like best of all. Most fellows wouldn’t, you know. I’m unusual.”
Fred exhaled a puff of smoke into the wind and had a knowing look. “Yeah, you float through life like a bullet, my dear. It’s your—your path that I admire the most. Most guys wouldn’t, you know. I’m different.”
They both laughed, but Thea frowned questioningly. “Why wouldn’t most fellows? Other fellows have liked me.”
They both laughed, but Thea frowned in confusion. “Why wouldn’t most guys? Other guys have liked me.”
“Yes, serious fellows. You told me yourself they were all old, or solemn. But jolly fellows want to be the whole target. They would say you were all brain and muscle; that you have no feeling.”
“Yes, serious guys. You told me yourself they were all old or serious. But fun guys want to be the main focus. They would say you’re all brains and brawn; that you have no emotions.”
She glanced at him sidewise. “Oh, they would, would they?”
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Oh, they would, would they?”
“Of course they would,” Fred continued blandly. “Jolly fellows have no imagination. They want to be the animating force. When they are not around, they want a girl to be—extinct,” he waved his hand. “Old fellows like Mr. Nathanmeyer understand your kind; but among the young ones, you are rather lucky to have found me. Even I wasn’t always so wise. I’ve had my time of thinking it would not bore me to be the Apollo of a homey flat, and I’ve paid out a trifle to learn better. All those things get very tedious unless they are hooked up with an idea of some sort. It’s because we don’t come out here only to look at each other and drink coffee that it’s so pleasant to—look at each other.” Fred drew on his pipe for a while, studying Thea’s abstraction. She was staring up at the far wall of the canyon with a troubled expression that drew her eyes narrow and her mouth hard. Her hands lay in her lap, one over the other, the fingers interlacing. “Suppose,” Fred came out at length,—“suppose I were to offer you what most of the young men I know would offer a girl they’d been sitting up nights about: a comfortable flat in Chicago, a summer camp up in the woods, musical evenings, and a family to bring up. Would it look attractive to you?”
“Of course they would,” Fred said flatly. “Cheerful people have no imagination. They want to be the center of attention. When they’re not around, they expect a girl to just disappear,” he waved his hand. “Older guys like Mr. Nathanmeyer get your type; but among the younger ones, you’re pretty lucky to have found me. I wasn’t always this wise. I once thought it wouldn’t bore me to be the charming guy in a cozy apartment, and I’ve spent a little to learn otherwise. All those things get really dull unless they’re connected to some idea. It’s because we don’t come out here just to look at each other and drink coffee that it’s so nice to—look at each other.” Fred took a puff from his pipe, watching Thea’s deep thoughts. She was gazing up at the far wall of the canyon with a worried look that narrowed her eyes and tightened her mouth. Her hands rested in her lap, one over the other, fingers intertwined. “What if,” Fred eventually said, “what if I offered you what most of the young men I know would offer a girl they’ve been thinking about: a nice apartment in Chicago, a summer camp in the woods, musical evenings, and a family to raise. Would that appeal to you?”
Thea sat up straight and stared at him in alarm, glared into his eyes. “Perfectly hideous!” she exclaimed.
Thea sat up straight and stared at him in shock, glaring into his eyes. “Completely awful!” she exclaimed.
Fred dropped back against the old stonework and laughed deep in his chest. “Well, don’t be frightened. I won’t offer them. You’re not a nest-building bird. You know I always liked your song, ‘Me for the jolt of the breakers!’ I understand.”
Fred leaned back against the old stone and let out a deep laugh. “Well, don’t be scared. I won’t bring them up. You’re not a bird that builds nests. You know I’ve always liked your song, ‘Me for the jolt of the breakers!’ I get it.”
She rose impatiently and walked to the edge of the cliff. “It’s not that so much. It’s waking up every morning with the feeling that your life is your own, and your strength is your own, and your talent is your own; that you’re all there, and there’s no sag in you.” She stood for a moment as if she were tortured by uncertainty, then turned suddenly back to him. “Don’t talk about these things any more now,” she entreated. “It isn’t that I want to keep anything from you. The trouble is that I’ve got nothing to keep—except (you know as well as I) that feeling. I told you about it in Chicago once. But it always makes me unhappy to talk about it. It will spoil the day. Will you go for a climb with me?” She held out her hands with a smile so eager that it made Ottenburg feel how much she needed to get away from herself.
She stood up impatiently and walked to the edge of the cliff. “It’s not just that. It’s waking up every morning feeling like your life is yours, your strength is yours, and your talent is yours; that you’re completely present, and there’s no slack in you.” She paused for a moment, as if torn by uncertainty, then suddenly turned back to him. “Let’s not talk about this stuff right now,” she pleaded. “It’s not that I want to hide anything from you. The problem is that I have nothing to hold onto—except, as you know, that feeling. I mentioned it to you once in Chicago. But discussing it always makes me unhappy. It’ll ruin the day. Want to go for a climb with me?” She extended her hands with a smile so eager that it made Ottenburg realize how much she needed to escape from herself.
He sprang up and caught the hands she put out so cordially, and stood swinging them back and forth. “I won’t tease you. A word’s enough to me. But I love it, all the same. Understand?” He pressed her hands and dropped them. “Now, where are you going to drag me?”
He jumped up and grabbed her hands that she extended so warmly, swinging them back and forth. “I won't tease you. Just a word is enough for me. But I really enjoy it, regardless. Got it?” He squeezed her hands and then let them go. “So, where are you planning to take me?”
“I want you to drag me. Over there, to the other houses. They are more interesting than these.” She pointed across the gorge to the row of white houses in the other cliff. “The trail is broken away, but I got up there once. It’s possible. You have to go to the bottom of the canyon, cross the creek, and then go up hand-over-hand.”
“I want you to pull me over there, to the other houses. They're more interesting than these.” She pointed across the gorge to the row of white houses on the other cliff. “The trail is washed out, but I managed to get up there once. It's doable. You just need to go to the bottom of the canyon, cross the creek, and then climb up hand-over-hand.”
Ottenburg, lounging against the sunny wall, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, looked across at the distant dwellings. “It’s an awful climb,” he sighed, “when I could be perfectly happy here with my pipe. However—” He took up his stick and hat and followed Thea down the water trail. “Do you climb this path every day? You surely earn your bath. I went down and had a look at your pool the other afternoon. Neat place, with all those little cottonwoods. Must be very becoming.”
Ottenburg, leaning against the sunny wall with his hands in his jacket pockets, gazed at the distant homes. “It’s a tough climb,” he sighed, “when I could be perfectly content here with my pipe. But—” He picked up his stick and hat and followed Thea down the water trail. “Do you take this path every day? You definitely deserve your bath. I went down and checked out your pool the other afternoon. Nice spot, with all those little cottonwoods. Must look really good.”
“Think so?” Thea said over her shoulder, as she swung round a turn.
“Think so?” Thea said over her shoulder as she rounded a corner.
“Yes, and so do you, evidently. I’m becoming expert at reading your meaning in your back. I’m behind you so much on these single-foot trails. You don’t wear stays, do you?”
“Yes, and you obviously do too. I’m getting really good at understanding what you mean just by looking at your back. I follow you so closely on these narrow trails. You don’t wear corsets, do you?”
“Not here.”
“Not here.”
“I wouldn’t, anywhere, if I were you. They will make you less elastic. The side muscles get flabby. If you go in for opera, there’s a fortune in a flexible body. Most of the German singers are clumsy, even when they’re well set up.”
“I wouldn’t, anywhere, if I were you. They will make you less flexible. The side muscles get weak. If you get into opera, there’s a lot of value in a flexible body. Most of the German singers are awkward, even when they’re well-built.”
Thea switched a piñon branch back at him. “Oh, I’ll never get fat! That I can promise you.”
Thea flicked a piñon branch back at him. “Oh, I’ll never get fat! I can promise you that.”
Fred smiled, looking after her. “Keep that promise, no matter how many others you break,” he drawled.
Fred smiled as he watched her leave. “Just keep that promise, no matter how many others you mess up,” he said lazily.
The upward climb, after they had crossed the stream, was at first a breathless scramble through underbrush. When they reached the big boulders, Ottenburg went first because he had the longer leg-reach, and gave Thea a hand when the step was quite beyond her, swinging her up until she could get a foothold. At last they reached a little platform among the rocks, with only a hundred feet of jagged, sloping wall between them and the cliff-houses.
The steep climb, after they had crossed the stream, was initially a breathless scramble through thick bushes. When they got to the big boulders, Ottenburg went ahead since he had longer legs, and he helped Thea when the step was too high for her, lifting her up until she could find her footing. Eventually, they reached a small platform among the rocks, with just a hundred feet of jagged, sloping wall separating them from the cliff houses.
Ottenburg lay down under a pine tree and declared that he was going to have a pipe before he went any farther. “It’s a good thing to know when to stop, Thea,” he said meaningly.
Ottenburg laid down under a pine tree and said that he was going to smoke a pipe before he went any further. “It’s important to know when to take a break, Thea,” he said with significance.
“I’m not going to stop now until I get there,” Thea insisted. “I’ll go on alone.”
“I’m not stopping until I get there,” Thea insisted. “I’ll go on without you.”
Fred settled his shoulder against the tree-trunk. “Go on if you like, but I’m here to enjoy myself. If you meet a rattler on the way, have it out with him.”
Fred leaned his shoulder against the tree trunk. “Go ahead if you want, but I’m here to have a good time. If you run into a rattlesnake on the way, deal with it.”
She hesitated, fanning herself with her felt hat. “I never have met one.”
She paused, waving her felt hat to cool herself. “I’ve never met one.”
“There’s reasoning for you,” Fred murmured languidly.
“Here’s some logic for you,” Fred said lazily.
Thea turned away resolutely and began to go up the wall, using an irregular cleft in the rock for a path. The cliff, which looked almost perpendicular from the bottom, was really made up of ledges and boulders, and behind these she soon disappeared. For a long while Fred smoked with half-closed eyes, smiling to himself now and again. Occasionally he lifted an eyebrow as he heard the rattle of small stones among the rocks above. “In a temper,” he concluded; “do her good.” Then he subsided into warm drowsiness and listened to the locusts in the yuccas, and the tap-tap of the old woodpecker that was never weary of assaulting the big pine.
Thea turned away determinedly and started climbing the wall, using a jagged opening in the rock as her path. The cliff, which looked almost vertical from below, actually had ledges and boulders, and she quickly disappeared behind them. For a long time, Fred smoked with his eyes half-closed, occasionally smiling to himself. Every now and then, he raised an eyebrow when he heard the sound of small stones tumbling down from above. “In a mood,” he thought; “that’ll do her good.” Then he settled into a warm drowsiness, listening to the locusts buzzing in the yuccas and the tap-tap of the old woodpecker tirelessly pecking at the big pine.
Fred had finished his pipe and was wondering whether he wanted another, when he heard a call from the cliff far above him. Looking up, he saw Thea standing on the edge of a projecting crag. She waved to him and threw her arm over her head, as if she were snapping her fingers in the air.
Fred had just finished his pipe and was deciding if he wanted another one when he heard a call from the cliff high above him. Looking up, he saw Thea standing on the edge of a jutting rock. She waved at him and threw her arm over her head, like she was snapping her fingers in the air.
As he saw her there between the sky and the gulf, with that great wash of air and the morning light about her, Fred recalled the brilliant figure at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s. Thea was one of those people who emerge, unexpectedly, larger than we are accustomed to see them. Even at this distance one got the impression of muscular energy and audacity,—a kind of brilliancy of motion,—of a personality that carried across big spaces and expanded among big things. Lying still, with his hands under his head, Ottenburg rhetorically addressed the figure in the air. “You are the sort that used to run wild in Germany, dressed in their hair and a piece of skin. Soldiers caught ’em in nets. Old Nathanmeyer,” he mused, “would like a peep at her now. Knowing old fellow. Always buying those Zorn etchings of peasant girls bathing. No sag in them either. Must be the cold climate.” He sat up. “She’ll begin to pitch rocks on me if I don’t move.” In response to another impatient gesture from the crag, he rose and began swinging slowly up the trail.
As he saw her there between the sky and the sea, surrounded by the fresh air and morning light, Fred remembered the striking figure at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s. Thea was one of those people who suddenly seem bigger than we expect. Even from this distance, she radiated energy and boldness—an impressive presence that spanned across wide spaces and thrived among great things. Lying still, with his hands under his head, Ottenburg playfully addressed the figure in the sky. “You’re the type that used to run wild in Germany, dressed in your hair and a bit of skin. Soldiers would catch them in nets. Old Nathanmeyer,” he thought, “would love to see her now. That old guy. Always buying those Zorn etchings of peasant girls bathing. They never look saggy either. Must be the cold climate.” He sat up. “She’s going to start throwing rocks at me if I don’t move.” In response to another impatient gesture from the crag, he stood up and began making his way slowly up the trail.
It was the afternoon of that long day. Thea was lying on a blanket in the door of her rock house. She and Ottenburg had come back from their climb and had lunch, and he had gone off for a nap in one of the cliff-houses farther down the path. He was sleeping peacefully, his coat under his head and his face turned toward the wall.
It was the afternoon of that long day. Thea was lying on a blanket in the doorway of her rock house. She and Ottenburg had returned from their climb and had lunch, and he had gone for a nap in one of the cliff houses farther down the path. He was sleeping peacefully, his coat under his head and his face turned toward the wall.
Thea, too, was drowsy, and lay looking through halfclosed eyes up at the blazing blue arch over the rim of the canyon. She was thinking of nothing at all. Her mind, like her body, was full of warmth, lassitude, physical content. Suddenly an eagle, tawny and of great size, sailed over the cleft in which she lay, across the arch of sky. He dropped for a moment into the gulf between the walls, then wheeled, and mounted until his plumage was so steeped in light that he looked like a golden bird. He swept on, following the course of the canyon a little way and then disappearing beyond the rim. Thea sprang to her feet as if she had been thrown up from the rock by volcanic action. She stood rigid on the edge of the stone shelf, straining her eyes after that strong, tawny flight. O eagle of eagles! Endeavor, achievement, desire, glorious striving of human art! From a cleft in the heart of the world she saluted it...It had come all the way; when men lived in caves, it was there. A vanished race; but along the trails, in the stream, under the spreading cactus, there still glittered in the sun the bits of their frail clay vessels, fragments of their desire.
Thea was feeling sleepy and lay there, looking up with half-closed eyes at the bright blue sky over the edge of the canyon. She wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. Her mind, just like her body, was full of warmth, relaxation, and physical satisfaction. Suddenly, a large, tawny eagle soared over the opening where she was lying, crossing the sky. It dipped down into the space between the canyon walls for a moment, then circled up high until its feathers shone so brightly in the light that it looked like a golden bird. It glided along the canyon for a bit before disappearing beyond the edge. Thea jumped to her feet as if propelled by a volcanic explosion. She stood rigid at the edge of the rocky shelf, straining her eyes to follow that powerful, tawny flight. O eagle of eagles! Effort, success, ambition, the glorious pursuit of human creativity! From a gap in the world’s heart, she greeted it... It had journeyed all the way here; when humans lived in caves, it was there. A lost race; but along the paths, in the stream, under the wide cactus, bits of their fragile clay pots still sparkled in the sunlight, remnants of their hopes.
VII
From the day of Fred’s arrival, he and Thea were unceasingly active. They took long rides into the Navajo pine forests, bought turquoises and silver bracelets from the wandering Indian herdsmen, and rode twenty miles to Flagstaff upon the slightest pretext. Thea had never felt this pleasant excitement about any man before, and she found herself trying very hard to please young Ottenburg. She was never tired, never dull. There was a zest about waking up in the morning and dressing, about walking, riding, even about sleep.
From the day Fred arrived, he and Thea were constantly on the go. They took long rides into the Navajo pine forests, bought turquoise and silver bracelets from the wandering Indian herdsmen, and rode twenty miles to Flagstaff for the slightest reason. Thea had never experienced this kind of thrilling excitement about any man before, and she found herself making a real effort to impress young Ottenburg. She was always energized, never boring. There was a joy in waking up in the morning and getting dressed, in walking, riding, and even in sleeping.
One morning when Thea came out from her room at seven o’clock, she found Henry and Fred on the porch, looking up at the sky. The day was already hot and there was no breeze. The sun was shining, but heavy brown clouds were hanging in the west, like the smoke of a forest fire. She and Fred had meant to ride to Flagstaff that morning, but Biltmer advised against it, foretelling a storm. After breakfast they lingered about the house, waiting for the weather to make up its mind. Fred had brought his guitar, and as they had the dining-room to themselves, he made Thea go over some songs with him. They got interested and kept it up until Mrs. Biltmer came to set the table for dinner. Ottenburg knew some of the Mexican things Spanish Johnny used to sing. Thea had never before happened to tell him about Spanish Johnny, and he seemed more interested in Johnny than in Dr. Archie or Wunsch.
One morning when Thea came out of her room at seven o’clock, she found Henry and Fred on the porch, looking up at the sky. The day was already hot and there was no breeze. The sun was shining, but heavy brown clouds were hanging in the west, like the smoke from a forest fire. She and Fred had planned to ride to Flagstaff that morning, but Biltmer advised against it, predicting a storm. After breakfast, they hung around the house, waiting for the weather to decide what it was going to do. Fred had brought his guitar, and since they had the dining room to themselves, he made Thea go over some songs with him. They got into it and kept playing until Mrs. Biltmer came to set the table for dinner. Ottenburg knew some of the Mexican songs that Spanish Johnny used to sing. Thea had never mentioned Spanish Johnny to him before, and he seemed more interested in Johnny than in Dr. Archie or Wunsch.
After dinner they were too restless to endure the ranch house any longer, and ran away to the canyon to practice with single-sticks. Fred carried a slicker and a sweater, and he made Thea wear one of the rubber hats that hung in Biltmer’s gun-room. As they crossed the pasture land the clumsy slicker kept catching in the lacings of his leggings.
After dinner, they were too antsy to stay at the ranch house any longer, so they headed to the canyon to practice with single sticks. Fred brought a raincoat and a sweater, and he made Thea wear one of the rubber hats that were hanging in Biltmer’s gun room. As they crossed the pasture, the bulky raincoat kept getting caught in the laces of his leggings.
“Why don’t you drop that thing?” Thea asked. “I won’t mind a shower. I’ve been wet before.”
“Why don’t you put that down?” Thea asked. “I won’t mind getting a shower. I’ve been wet before.”
“No use taking chances.”
"Don't take chances."
From the canyon they were unable to watch the sky, since only a strip of the zenith was visible. The flat ledge about the watch-tower was the only level spot large enough for single-stick exercise, and they were still practicing there when, at about four o’clock, a tremendous roll of thunder echoed between the cliffs and the atmosphere suddenly became thick.
From the canyon, they couldn't see the sky because only a narrow band of it was visible. The flat ledge around the watchtower was the only spot big enough for single-stick practice, and they were still training there when, around four o'clock, a massive clap of thunder echoed between the cliffs and the air suddenly grew thick.
Fred thrust the sticks in a cleft in the rock. “We’re in for it, Thea. Better make for your cave where there are blankets.” He caught her elbow and hurried her along the path before the cliff-houses. They made the half-mile at a quick trot, and as they ran the rocks and the sky and the air between the cliffs turned a turbid green, like the color in a moss agate. When they reached the blanketed rock room, they looked at each other and laughed. Their faces had taken on a greenish pallor. Thea’s hair, even, was green.
Fred pushed the sticks into a crevice in the rock. “We’re in trouble, Thea. You should head to your cave where there are blankets.” He grabbed her elbow and rushed her down the path in front of the cliff houses. They covered the half-mile at a fast pace, and as they ran, the rocks, sky, and the air between the cliffs shifted to a murky green, like the color of moss agate. When they got to the room with the blankets, they looked at each other and laughed. Their faces had taken on a greenish hue. Even Thea’s hair was green.
“Dark as pitch in here,” Fred exclaimed as they hurried over the old rock doorstep. “But it’s warm. The rocks hold the heat. It’s going to be terribly cold outside, all right.” He was interrupted by a deafening peal of thunder. “Lord, what an echo! Lucky you don’t mind. It’s worth watching out there. We needn’t come in yet.”
“It's pitch black in here,” Fred said as they rushed over the old rock doorstep. “But it’s warm. The rocks keep the heat. It’s definitely going to be freezing outside.” He was cut off by a loud crash of thunder. “Wow, what an echo! Good thing you don’t mind. The view outside is worth it. We don’t have to go in yet.”
The green light grew murkier and murkier. The smaller vegetation was blotted out. The yuccas, the cedars, and piñons stood dark and rigid, like bronze. The swallows flew up with sharp, terrified twitterings. Even the quaking asps were still. While Fred and Thea watched from the doorway, the light changed to purple. Clouds of dark vapor, like chlorine gas, began to float down from the head of the canyon and hung between them and the cliff-houses in the opposite wall. Before they knew it, the wall itself had disappeared. The air was positively venomous-looking, and grew colder every minute. The thunder seemed to crash against one cliff, then against the other, and to go shrieking off into the inner canyon.
The green light became darker and darker. The smaller plants disappeared from view. The yuccas, cedars, and piñons stood out, dark and stiff, like bronze statues. The swallows took off with sharp, terrified chirps. Even the quaking aspen were silent. While Fred and Thea watched from the doorway, the light turned purple. Clouds of dark vapor, like chlorine gas, began to drift down from the head of the canyon, hanging between them and the cliff houses on the opposite wall. Before they realized it, the wall itself had vanished. The air looked almost toxic and got colder by the minute. The thunder crashed against one cliff, then the other, and echoed off into the inner canyon.
The moment the rain broke, it beat the vapors down. In the gulf before them the water fell in spouts, and dashed from the high cliffs overhead. It tore aspens and chokecherry bushes out of the ground and left the yuccas hanging by their tough roots. Only the little cedars stood black and unmoved in the torrents that fell from so far above. The rock chamber was full of fine spray from the streams of water that shot over the doorway. Thea crept to the back wall and rolled herself in a blanket, and Fred threw the heavier blankets over her. The wool of the Navajo sheep was soon kindled by the warmth of her body, and was impenetrable to dampness. Her hair, where it hung below the rubber hat, gathered the moisture like a sponge. Fred put on the slicker, tied the sweater about his neck, and settled himself cross-legged beside her. The chamber was so dark that, although he could see the outline of her head and shoulders, he could not see her face. He struck a wax match to light his pipe. As he sheltered it between his hands, it sizzled and sputtered, throwing a yellow flicker over Thea and her blankets.
The moment the rain started, it slammed down hard. In the valley ahead of them, water poured in sheets and crashed over the steep cliffs above. It uprooted aspens and chokecherry bushes, leaving the yuccas hanging by their tough roots. Only the little cedars stood dark and steady in the downpour from so high up. The rock chamber filled with fine mist from the streams of water rushing over the entrance. Thea moved to the back wall and wrapped herself in a blanket, while Fred draped heavier blankets over her. The wool from the Navajo sheep quickly warmed up against her body and kept out the dampness. Her hair, hanging beneath the rubber hat, soaked up moisture like a sponge. Fred put on a rain slicker, tied the sweater around his neck, and settled down cross-legged beside her. The chamber was so dark that, while he could see the outline of her head and shoulders, her face remained hidden. He struck a wax match to light his pipe. As he shielded it with his hands, it hissed and popped, casting a yellow glow over Thea and her blankets.
“You look like a gypsy,” he said as he dropped the match. “Any one you’d rather be shut up with than me? No? Sure about that?”
“You look like a gypsy,” he said as he dropped the match. “Is there anyone you’d rather be stuck with than me? No? Are you sure about that?”
“I think I am. Aren’t you cold?”
“I think I am. Aren’t you cold?”
“Not especially.” Fred smoked in silence, listening to the roar of the water outside. “We may not get away from here right away,” he remarked.
“Not really.” Fred smoked quietly, listening to the sound of the water outside. “We might not leave here anytime soon,” he said.
“I shan’t mind. Shall you?”
"I don't mind. Do you?"
He laughed grimly and pulled on his pipe. “Do you know where you’re at, Miss Thea Kronborg?” he said at last. “You’ve got me going pretty hard, I suppose you know. I’ve had a lot of sweethearts, but I’ve never been so much—engrossed before. What are you going to do about it?” He heard nothing from the blankets. “Are you going to play fair, or is it about my cue to cut away?”
He chuckled darkly and took a puff from his pipe. “Do you know where you are, Miss Thea Kronborg?” he finally asked. “You've got me pretty worked up, I imagine you know that. I've had a lot of romantic interests, but I've never been so… captivated before. What are you going to do about it?” He got no response from the blankets. “Are you going to play it straight, or is it time for me to back off?”
“I’ll play fair. I don’t see why you want to go.”
“I’ll play fair. I don’t understand why you want to leave.”
“What do you want me around for?—to play with?”
“What do you want me here for? — to play with?”
Thea struggled up among the blankets. “I want you for everything. I don’t know whether I’m what people call in love with you or not. In Moonstone that meant sitting in a hammock with somebody. I don’t want to sit in a hammock with you, but I want to do almost everything else. Oh, hundreds of things!”
Thea pushed herself up from the blankets. “I want you for everything. I’m not sure if what I feel is what people call being in love with you or not. In Moonstone, that meant lounging in a hammock with someone. I don’t want to lounge in a hammock with you, but I want to do almost everything else. Oh, so many things!”
“If I run away, will you go with me?”
“If I run away, will you come with me?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that. Maybe I would.” She freed herself from her wrappings and stood up. “It’s not raining so hard now. Hadn’t we better start this minute? It will be night before we get to Biltmer’s.”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that. Maybe I would.” She took off her wrappings and stood up. “It’s not raining as much now. Shouldn’t we start right away? It’ll be dark before we reach Biltmer’s.”
Fred struck another match. “It’s seven. I don’t know how much of the path may be washed away. I don’t even know whether I ought to let you try it without a lantern.”
Fred struck another match. “It’s seven. I have no idea how much of the path might be washed away. I don’t even know if I should let you attempt it without a lantern.”
Thea went to the doorway and looked out. “There’s nothing else to do. The sweater and the slicker will keep me dry, and this will be my chance to find out whether these shoes are really water-tight. They cost a week’s salary.” She retreated to the back of the cave. “It’s getting blacker every minute.”
Thea went to the doorway and looked outside. “There’s nothing else to do. The sweater and the raincoat will keep me dry, and this will be my chance to see if these shoes are actually waterproof. They cost a week’s pay.” She stepped back to the back of the cave. “It’s getting darker every minute.”
Ottenburg took a brandy flask from his coat pocket. “Better have some of this before we start. Can you take it without water?”
Ottenburg pulled a brandy flask from his coat pocket. “You should have some of this before we begin. Can you drink it straight?”
Thea lifted it obediently to her lips. She put on the sweater and Fred helped her to get the clumsy slicker on over it. He buttoned it and fastened the high collar. She could feel that his hands were hurried and clumsy. The coat was too big, and he took off his necktie and belted it in at the waist. While she tucked her hair more securely under the rubber hat he stood in front of her, between her and the gray doorway, without moving.
Thea obediently brought it to her lips. She put on the sweater, and Fred helped her get the awkward slicker on over it. He buttoned it up and secured the high collar. She sensed that his hands were rushed and clumsy. The coat was too large, so he removed his tie and used it to cinch the waist. While she adjusted her hair more securely under the rubber hat, he stood in front of her, blocking her view of the gray doorway, without moving.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked carelessly.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked casually.
“If you are,” he spoke quietly, without moving, except to bend his head forward a little.
“If you are,” he said softly, not moving, except to lean his head forward slightly.
Thea laughed and put her hands on his shoulders. “You know how to handle me, don’t you?” she whispered. For the first time, she kissed him without constraint or embarrassment.
Thea laughed and placed her hands on his shoulders. “You know how to handle me, don’t you?” she whispered. For the first time, she kissed him freely, without any hesitation or embarrassment.
“Thea, Thea, Thea!” Fred whispered her name three times, shaking her a little as if to waken her. It was too dark to see, but he could feel that she was smiling.
“Thea, Thea, Thea!” Fred whispered her name three times, shaking her a little as if to wake her. It was too dark to see, but he could feel that she was smiling.
When she kissed him she had not hidden her face on his shoulder,—she had risen a little on her toes, and stood straight and free. In that moment when he came close to her actual personality, he felt in her the same expansion that he had noticed at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s. She became freer and stronger under impulses. When she rose to meet him like that, he felt her flash into everything that she had ever suggested to him, as if she filled out her own shadow.
When she kissed him, she didn't hide her face on his shoulder—she lifted herself a little on her toes and stood tall and confident. In that moment when he got close to her true self, he sensed in her the same energy he had noticed at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s. She became more open and vibrant with every impulse. When she rose to greet him like that, he felt her come alive with everything she had ever implied to him, as if she were finally embodying her own shadow.
She pushed him away and shot past him out into the rain. “Now for it, Fred,” she called back exultantly. The rain was pouring steadily down through the dying gray twilight, and muddy streams were spouting and foaming over the cliff.
She pushed him away and dashed past him into the rain. “Here we go, Fred,” she called back excitedly. The rain was falling heavily through the fading gray twilight, and muddy streams were rushing and bubbling over the cliff.
Fred caught her and held her back. “Keep behind me, Thea. I don’t know about the path. It may be gone altogether. Can’t tell what there is under this water.”
Fred grabbed her and pulled her back. “Stay behind me, Thea. I’m not sure about the path. It might be completely gone. We can't tell what’s under this water.”
But the path was older than the white man’s Arizona. The rush of water had washed away the dust and stones that lay on the surface, but the rock skeleton of the Indian trail was there, ready for the foot. Where the streams poured down through gullies, there was always a cedar or a piñon to cling to. By wading and slipping and climbing, they got along. As they neared the head of the canyon, where the path lifted and rose in steep loops to the surface of the plateau, the climb was more difficult. The earth above had broken away and washed down over the trail, bringing rocks and bushes and even young trees with it. The last ghost of daylight was dying and there was no time to lose. The canyon behind them was already black.
But the path was older than the white man's Arizona. The rushing water had washed away the dust and stones on the surface, but the rocky skeleton of the Indian trail was still there, ready for footsteps. Where the streams flowed down through gullies, there was always a cedar or a piñon to hang onto. By wading, slipping, and climbing, they managed to move forward. As they approached the head of the canyon, where the path lifted and wound up steep loops to the surface of the plateau, the climb became more challenging. The earth above had crumbled and slid down over the trail, bringing rocks, bushes, and even young trees with it. The last light of day was fading, and there was no time to waste. The canyon behind them was already in darkness.
“We’ve got to go right through the top of this pine tree, Thea. No time to hunt a way around. Give me your hand.” After they had crashed through the mass of branches, Fred stopped abruptly. “Gosh, what a hole! Can you jump it? Wait a minute.”
“We have to go right through the top of this pine tree, Thea. There's no time to find another way. Give me your hand.” After they broke through the thick branches, Fred stopped suddenly. “Wow, what a hole! Can you jump it? Hold on a second.”
He cleared the washout, slipped on the wet rock at the farther side, and caught himself just in time to escape a tumble. “If I could only find something to hold to, I could give you a hand. It’s so cursed dark, and there are no trees here where they’re needed. Here’s something; it’s a root. It will hold all right.” He braced himself on the rock, gripped the crooked root with one hand and swung himself across toward Thea, holding out his arm. “Good jump! I must say you don’t lose your nerve in a tight place. Can you keep at it a little longer? We’re almost out. Have to make that next ledge. Put your foot on my knee and catch something to pull by.”
He got past the washout, slipped on the wet rock on the other side, and managed to catch himself just in time to avoid falling. “If I could just find something to grab onto, I could help you out. It’s so damn dark, and there aren’t any trees around when you need them. Here’s something; it’s a root. It should hold up.” He steadied himself on the rock, grabbed the crooked root with one hand, and swung himself over to Thea, extending his arm. “Nice jump! I have to say you don’t lose your cool in a tough spot. Can you last a bit longer? We’re almost there. We need to reach that next ledge. Put your foot on my knee and grab onto something to pull yourself up.”
Thea went up over his shoulder. “It’s hard ground up here,” she panted. “Did I wrench your arm when I slipped then? It was a cactus I grabbed, and it startled me.”
Thea climbed over his shoulder. “This ground is tough up here,” she breathed out. “Did I hurt your arm when I stumbled? I grabbed onto a cactus, and it caught me off guard.”
“Now, one more pull and we’re on the level.”
“Now, one more pull and we’re on the same level.”
They emerged gasping upon the black plateau. In the last five minutes the darkness had solidified and it seemed as if the skies were pouring black water. They could not see where the sky ended or the plain began. The light at the ranch house burned a steady spark through the rain. Fred drew Thea’s arm through his and they struck off toward the light. They could not see each other, and the rain at their backs seemed to drive them along. They kept laughing as they stumbled over tufts of grass or stepped into slippery pools. They were delighted with each other and with the adventure which lay behind them.
They emerged gasping onto the dark plateau. In the last five minutes, the darkness had thickened and it felt like the sky was dumping black water. They couldn’t tell where the sky ended and the plain began. The light at the ranch house glowed steadily through the rain. Fred pulled Thea’s arm through his and they headed toward the light. They couldn’t see each other, and the rain at their backs seemed to push them forward. They kept laughing as they tripped over clumps of grass or stepped into slippery puddles. They were thrilled with each other and the adventure they had just experienced.
“I can’t even see the whites of your eyes, Thea. But I’d know who was here stepping out with me, anywhere. Part coyote you are, by the feel of you. When you make up your mind to jump, you jump! My gracious, what’s the matter with your hand?”
“I can’t even see the whites of your eyes, Thea. But I’d know who was here stepping out with me, anywhere. You’ve got a part of that wild spirit in you. When you decide to go for it, you go for it! Oh my, what’s wrong with your hand?”
“Cactus spines. Didn’t I tell you when I grabbed the cactus? I thought it was a root. Are we going straight?”
“Cactus spines. Didn’t I mention that when I grabbed the cactus? I thought it was a root. Are we heading straight?”
“I don’t know. Somewhere near it, I think. I’m very comfortable, aren’t you? You’re warm, except your cheeks. How funny they are when they’re wet. Still, you always feel like you. I like this. I could walk to Flagstaff. It’s fun, not being able to see anything. I feel surer of you when I can’t see you. Will you run away with me?”
“I don't know. I think it's somewhere close by. I'm feeling pretty comfortable, how about you? You're warm, except for your cheeks. They look so funny when they're wet. Still, you always feel like yourself. I like this. I could walk to Flagstaff. It's kind of fun not being able to see anything. I feel more certain of you when I can’t see you. Will you run away with me?”
Thea laughed. “I won’t run far to-night. I’ll think about it. Look, Fred, there’s somebody coming.”
Thea laughed. “I won’t run far tonight. I’ll think about it. Look, Fred, someone’s coming.”
“Henry, with his lantern. Good enough! Halloo! Hallo—o—o!” Fred shouted.
“Henry, with his lantern. Good enough! Hey! Hey—y—y!” Fred shouted.
The moving light bobbed toward them. In half an hour Thea was in her big feather bed, drinking hot lentil soup, and almost before the soup was swallowed she was asleep.
The moving light bounced toward them. In half an hour, Thea was in her large feather bed, drinking hot lentil soup, and almost before she finished the soup, she was asleep.
VIII
On the first day of September Fred Ottenburg and Thea Kronborg left Flagstaff by the east-bound express. As the bright morning advanced, they sat alone on the rear platform of the observation car, watching the yellow miles unfold and disappear. With complete content they saw the brilliant, empty country flash by. They were tired of the desert and the dead races, of a world without change or ideas. Fred said he was glad to sit back and let the Santa Fé do the work for a while.
On the first day of September, Fred Ottenburg and Thea Kronborg took the eastbound express from Flagstaff. As the bright morning went on, they sat together on the back platform of the observation car, watching the yellow miles roll by and vanish. They felt completely at ease as they watched the vibrant, open countryside speed past. They were fed up with the desert and the stagnant races, tired of a world that lacked change or fresh ideas. Fred mentioned he was happy to sit back and let the Santa Fé handle the journey for a while.
“And where are we going, anyhow?” he added.
“And where are we going, anyway?” he added.
“To Chicago, I suppose. Where else would we be going?” Thea hunted for a handkerchief in her handbag.
“To Chicago, I guess. Where else would we be headed?” Thea searched for a tissue in her handbag.
“I wasn’t sure, so I had the trunks checked to Albuquerque. We can recheck there to Chicago, if you like. Why Chicago? You’ll never go back to Bowers. Why wouldn’t this be a good time to make a run for it? We could take the southern branch at Albuquerque, down to El Paso, and then over into Mexico. We are exceptionally free. Nobody waiting for us anywhere.”
“I wasn’t sure, so I had the luggage checked to Albuquerque. We can reroute it to Chicago from there, if you want. Why Chicago? You’re never going back to Bowers. Why wouldn’t this be a good time to make a break for it? We could take the southern route from Albuquerque, down to El Paso, and then cross into Mexico. We’re completely free. There’s no one waiting for us anywhere.”
Thea sighted along the steel rails that quivered in the light behind them. “I don’t see why I couldn’t marry you in Chicago, as well as any place,” she brought out with some embarrassment.
Thea looked along the steel rails that shook in the light behind them. “I don’t see why I couldn’t marry you in Chicago, just like anywhere else,” she said, feeling a bit embarrassed.
Fred took the handbag out of her nervous clasp and swung it about on his finger. “You’ve no particular love for that spot, have you? Besides, as I’ve told you, my family would make a row. They are an excitable lot. They discuss and argue everlastingly. The only way I can ever put anything through is to go ahead, and convince them afterward.”
Fred took the handbag from her anxious grip and twirled it around on his finger. “You don’t have any special attachment to that place, do you? Besides, like I mentioned, my family would make a fuss. They’re a pretty lively bunch. They talk and argue endlessly. The only way I can ever get anything done is to just go for it and win them over later.”
“Yes; I understand. I don’t mind that. I don’t want to marry your family. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to marry mine. But I don’t see why we have to go so far.”
“Yes; I get it. I don’t mind that. I don’t want to marry your family. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to marry mine. But I don’t see why we have to take it so far.”
“When we get to Winslow, you look about the freight yards and you’ll probably see several yellow cars with my name on them. That’s why, my dear. When your visiting-card is on every beer bottle, you can’t do things quietly. Things get into the papers.” As he watched her troubled expression, he grew anxious. He leaned forward on his camp-chair, and kept twirling the handbag between his knees. “Here’s a suggestion, Thea,” he said presently. “Dismiss it if you don’t like it: suppose we go down to Mexico on the chance. You’ve never seen anything like Mexico City; it will be a lark for you, anyhow. If you change your mind, and don’t want to marry me, you can go back to Chicago, and I’ll take a steamer from Vera Cruz and go up to New York. When I get to Chicago, you’ll be at work, and nobody will ever be the wiser. No reason why we shouldn’t both travel in Mexico, is there? You’ll be traveling alone. I’ll merely tell you the right places to stop, and come to take you driving. I won’t put any pressure on you. Have I ever?” He swung the bag toward her and looked up under her hat.
“When we get to Winslow, take a look around the freight yards and you’ll likely see several yellow cars with my name on them. That’s why, my dear. When your business card is on every beer bottle, you can’t do things quietly. News makes it to the papers.” Noticing her worried expression, he felt uneasy. He leaned forward in his camp chair, twirling the handbag between his knees. “Here’s a suggestion, Thea,” he said after a moment. “Feel free to dismiss it if you don’t like it: how about we head down to Mexico on a whim? You’ve never seen anything like Mexico City; it’ll be an adventure for you, at least. If you change your mind and don’t want to marry me, you can go back to Chicago, and I’ll take a steamship from Vera Cruz and head up to New York. When I arrive in Chicago, you’ll be at work, and nobody will ever know. No reason we shouldn’t both travel in Mexico, right? You’ll be traveling solo. I’ll just show you the best places to stay and come take you out for drives. I won’t pressure you. Have I ever?” He swung the bag toward her and looked up from under her hat.
“No, you haven’t,” she murmured. She was thinking that her own position might be less difficult if he had used what he called pressure. He clearly wished her to take the responsibility.
“No, you haven’t,” she said quietly. She thought that her own situation might be easier if he had applied what he called pressure. He clearly wanted her to take on the responsibility.
“You have your own future in the back of your mind all the time,” Fred began, “and I have it in mine. I’m not going to try to carry you off, as I might another girl. If you wanted to quit me, I couldn’t hold you, no matter how many times you had married me. I don’t want to overpersuade you. But I’d like mighty well to get you down to that jolly old city, where everything would please you, and give myself a chance. Then, if you thought you could have a better time with me than without me, I’d try to grab you before you changed your mind. You are not a sentimental person.”
“You always have your future on your mind,” Fred started, “and I have it on mine. I’m not going to try to sweep you off your feet like I might with another girl. If you wanted to break things off with me, I couldn’t stop you, no matter how many times we got married. I don’t want to pressure you too much. But I’d really love to take you to that fun old city, where everything would make you happy, and give myself a chance. Then, if you felt like you could have a better time with me than without me, I’d do my best to hold on to you before you changed your mind. You’re not a sentimental person.”
Thea drew her veil down over her face. “I think I am, a little; about you,” she said quietly. Fred’s irony somehow hurt her.
Thea pulled her veil over her face. “I think I am, a little; about you,” she said softly. Fred's sarcasm somehow stung her.
“What’s at the bottom of your mind, Thea?” he asked hurriedly. “I can’t tell. Why do you consider it at all, if you’re not sure? Why are you here with me now?”
“What’s on your mind, Thea?” he asked quickly. “I can’t say. Why are you even thinking about it if you’re not sure? Why are you here with me now?”
Her face was half-averted. He was thinking that it looked older and more firm—almost hard—under a veil.
Her face was turned slightly away. He thought it looked older and more defined—almost tough—behind the veil.
“Isn’t it possible to do things without having any very clear reason?” she asked slowly. “I have no plan in the back of my mind. Now that I’m with you, I want to be with you; that’s all. I can’t settle down to being alone again. I am here to-day because I want to be with you to-day.” She paused. “One thing, though; if I gave you my word, I’d keep it. And you could hold me, though you don’t seem to think so. Maybe I’m not sentimental, but I’m not very light, either. If I went off with you like this, it wouldn’t be to amuse myself.”
"Isn't it possible to do things without a really clear reason?" she asked slowly. "I don't have any plan in my mind. Now that I’m with you, I just want to be with you; that’s all. I can’t go back to being alone again. I’m here today because I want to be with you today." She paused. "One thing, though; if I gave you my word, I’d keep it. And you could trust me, even if you don’t think so. Maybe I’m not sentimental, but I’m not exactly carefree either. If I went off with you like this, it wouldn’t be for fun."
Ottenburg’s eyes fell. His lips worked nervously for a moment. “Do you mean that you really care for me, Thea Kronborg?” he asked unsteadily.
Ottenburg looked down. His lips moved anxiously for a moment. “Are you saying that you really care about me, Thea Kronborg?” he asked hesitantly.
“I guess so. It’s like anything else. It takes hold of you and you’ve got to go through with it, even if you’re afraid. I was afraid to leave Moonstone, and afraid to leave Harsanyi. But I had to go through with it.”
“I guess so. It’s like anything else. It grabs you and you’ve got to stick with it, even if you’re scared. I was scared to leave Moonstone and scared to leave Harsanyi. But I had to see it through.”
“And are you afraid now?” Fred asked slowly.
“And are you scared now?” Fred asked slowly.
“Yes; more than I’ve ever been. But I don’t think I could go back. The past closes up behind one, somehow. One would rather have a new kind of misery. The old kind seems like death or unconsciousness. You can’t force your life back into that mould again. No, one can’t go back.” She rose and stood by the back grating of the platform, her hand on the brass rail.
“Yeah; more than I’ve ever been. But I don’t think I could go back. The past just kind of shuts behind you, you know? I’d rather face a new kind of pain. The old kind feels like death or being out of it. You can’t shove your life back into that shape again. No, you just can’t go back.” She got up and stood by the back grating of the platform, her hand on the brass rail.
Fred went to her side. She pushed up her veil and turned her most glowing face to him. Her eyes were wet and there were tears on her lashes, but she was smiling the rare, whole-hearted smile he had seen once or twice before. He looked at her shining eyes, her parted lips, her chin a little lifted. It was as if they were colored by a sunrise he could not see. He put his hand over hers and clasped it with a strength she felt. Her eyelashes trembled, her mouth softened, but her eyes were still brilliant.
Fred moved to her side. She lifted her veil and turned her radiant face toward him. Her eyes were glistening with tears on her lashes, but she wore that rare, genuine smile he had seen only a few times before. He gazed into her sparkling eyes, her slightly parted lips, her chin held high. It was as if they were illuminated by a sunrise he couldn’t see. He placed his hand over hers and held it with a strength she could feel. Her eyelashes fluttered, her mouth relaxed, but her eyes remained bright.
“Will you always be like you were down there, if I go with you?” she asked under her breath.
“Will you always be the way you were back there if I go with you?” she asked quietly.
His fingers tightened on hers. “By God, I will!” he muttered.
His fingers tightened around hers. “I swear I will!” he muttered.
“That’s the only promise I’ll ask you for. Now go away for a while and let me think about it. Come back at lunchtime and I’ll tell you. Will that do?”
"That's the only promise I'm going to ask from you. Now, go away for a bit and let me think about it. Come back at lunchtime, and I'll let you know. Does that work?"
“Anything will do, Thea, if you’ll only let me keep an eye on you. The rest of the world doesn’t interest me much. You’ve got me in deep.”
“Anything works for me, Thea, as long as you let me look after you. The rest of the world doesn’t really matter to me. I’m completely into you.”
Fred dropped her hand and turned away. As he glanced back from the front end of the observation car, he saw that she was still standing there, and any one would have known that she was brooding over something. The earnestness of her head and shoulders had a certain nobility. He stood looking at her for a moment.
Fred let go of her hand and turned away. As he looked back from the front of the observation car, he saw that she was still standing there, and anyone could tell she was deep in thought about something. The seriousness of her head and shoulders gave her a certain nobility. He stood there watching her for a moment.
When he reached the forward smoking-car, Fred took a seat at the end, where he could shut the other passengers from his sight. He put on his traveling-cap and sat down wearily, keeping his head near the window. “In any case, I shall help her more than I shall hurt her,” he kept saying to himself. He admitted that this was not the only motive which impelled him, but it was one of them. “I’ll make it my business in life to get her on. There’s nothing else I care about so much as seeing her have her chance. She hasn’t touched her real force yet. She isn’t even aware of it. Lord, don’t I know something about them? There isn’t one of them that has such a depth to draw from. She’ll be one of the great artists of our time. Playing accompaniments for that cheese-faced sneak! I’ll get her off to Germany this winter, or take her. She hasn’t got any time to waste now. I’ll make it up to her, all right.”
When he got to the front smoking car, Fred took a seat at the back where he could block the other passengers from his view. He put on his travel cap and sat down tiredly, keeping his head close to the window. “No matter what, I’m going to help her more than I’ll hurt her,” he kept telling himself. He acknowledged that this wasn’t his only reason for acting, but it was definitely one of them. “I’m determined to help her succeed. There’s nothing I care about more than seeing her get her shot. She hasn't tapped into her true potential yet. She doesn't even realize it. Boy, do I know a thing or two about them? None of them has such depth to draw from. She’s going to be one of the great artists of our time. Playing backup for that two-faced sneak! I’ll get her to Germany this winter, or I’ll take her myself. She doesn’t have any time to waste right now. I’ll make it up to her, no doubt about it.”
Ottenburg certainly meant to make it up to her, in so far as he could. His feeling was as generous as strong human feelings are likely to be. The only trouble was, that he was married already, and had been since he was twenty.
Ottenburg definitely wanted to make it up to her, as much as he could. His feelings were as generous as strong human emotions typically are. The only problem was that he was already married and had been since he was twenty.
His older friends in Chicago, people who had been friends of his family, knew of the unfortunate state of his personal affairs; but they were people whom in the natural course of things Thea Kronborg would scarcely meet. Mrs. Frederick Ottenburg lived in California, at Santa Barbara, where her health was supposed to be better than elsewhere, and her husband lived in Chicago. He visited his wife every winter to reinforce her position, and his devoted mother, although her hatred for her daughter-inlaw was scarcely approachable in words, went to Santa Barbara every year to make things look better and to relieve her son.
His older friends in Chicago, people who had been close to his family, were aware of the unfortunate state of his personal life; however, they were not the kind of people that Thea Kronborg would typically encounter. Mrs. Frederick Ottenburg lived in California, in Santa Barbara, where it was believed her health was better than elsewhere, while her husband resided in Chicago. He would visit his wife each winter to support her, and his devoted mother, despite her intense dislike for her daughter-in-law, went to Santa Barbara every year to help improve the situation and to ease her son's burden.
When Frederick Ottenburg was beginning his junior year at Harvard, he got a letter from Dick Brisbane, a Kansas City boy he knew, telling him that his fiancée, Miss Edith Beers, was going to New York to buy her trousseau. She would be at the Holland House, with her aunt and a girl from Kansas City who was to be a bridesmaid, for two weeks or more. If Ottenburg happened to be going down to New York, would he call upon Miss Beers and “show her a good time”?
When Frederick Ottenburg was starting his junior year at Harvard, he received a letter from Dick Brisbane, a guy from Kansas City he knew, telling him that his fiancée, Miss Edith Beers, was heading to New York to shop for her wedding outfit. She would be staying at the Holland House with her aunt and a girl from Kansas City who was going to be a bridesmaid, for at least two weeks. If Ottenburg happened to be going to New York, could he stop by and "show her a good time"?
Fred did happen to be going to New York. He was going down from New Haven, after the Thanksgiving game. He called on Miss Beers and found her, as he that night telegraphed Brisbane, a “ripping beauty, no mistake.” He took her and her aunt and her uninteresting friend to the theater and to the opera, and he asked them to lunch with him at the Waldorf. He took no little pains in arranging the luncheon with the head waiter. Miss Beers was the sort of girl with whom a young man liked to seem experienced. She was dark and slender and fiery. She was witty and slangy; said daring things and carried them off with nonchalance. Her childish extravagance and contempt for all the serious facts of life could be charged to her father’s generosity and his long packing-house purse. Freaks that would have been vulgar and ostentatious in a more simpleminded girl, in Miss Beers seemed whimsical and picturesque. She darted about in magnificent furs and pumps and close-clinging gowns, though that was the day of full skirts. Her hats were large and floppy. When she wriggled out of her moleskin coat at luncheon, she looked like a slim black weasel. Her satin dress was a mere sheath, so conspicuous by its severity and scantness that every one in the dining-room stared. She ate nothing but alligator-pear salad and hothouse grapes, drank a little champagne, and took cognac in her coffee. She ridiculed, in the raciest slang, the singers they had heard at the opera the night before, and when her aunt pretended to reprove her, she murmured indifferently, “What’s the matter with you, old sport?” She rattled on with a subdued loquaciousness, always keeping her voice low and monotonous, always looking out of the corner of her eye and speaking, as it were, in asides, out of the corner of her mouth. She was scornful of everything,—which became her eyebrows. Her face was mobile and discontented, her eyes quick and black. There was a sort of smouldering fire about her, young Ottenburg thought. She entertained him prodigiously.
Fred was on his way to New York. He was heading down from New Haven after the Thanksgiving game. He visited Miss Beers and found her, as he telegraphed to Brisbane that night, a “totally stunning beauty, no doubt about it.” He took her, her aunt, and her boring friend to the theater and the opera, and he invited them to lunch with him at the Waldorf. He put in quite a bit of effort to arrange the lunch with the head waiter. Miss Beers was the kind of girl a young guy wanted to impress with his experience. She was dark, slender, and full of energy. She was witty and used slang; she said bold things and carried them off with ease. Her childish extravagance and disregard for serious life matters could be attributed to her father's generosity and his deep pockets from the packing industry. Quirks that would have seemed tacky and flashy in a less sophisticated girl looked whimsical and charming on Miss Beers. She moved around in luxurious furs and high heels, wearing form-fitting dresses, even though it was the era of full skirts. Her hats were big and floppy. When she took off her moleskin coat at lunch, she looked like a slim black weasel. Her satin dress was a simple sheath, so striking in its simplicity and tightness that everyone in the dining room stared. She only ate alligator-pear salad and hothouse grapes, drank a little champagne, and had cognac in her coffee. She made fun of the singers they had heard at the opera the night before in the most colorful slang, and when her aunt pretended to scold her, she casually replied, “What’s your problem, old sport?” She chatted away with a subdued chatter, always keeping her voice low and monotone, glancing out of the corner of her eye and speaking, as if she were whispering secrets. She looked down on everything, which suited her eyebrows perfectly. Her face was expressive and discontented, her eyes quick and dark. Young Ottenburg thought there was a kind of smoldering fire about her. She entertained him immensely.
After luncheon Miss Beers said she was going uptown to be fitted, and that she would go alone because her aunt made her nervous. When Fred held her coat for her, she murmured, “Thank you, Alphonse,” as if she were addressing the waiter. As she stepped into a hansom, with a long stretch of thin silk stocking, she said negligently, over her fur collar, “Better let me take you along and drop you somewhere.” He sprang in after her, and she told the driver to go to the Park.
After lunch, Miss Beers said she was heading uptown to get fitted and that she would go alone because her aunt made her anxious. When Fred held her coat for her, she murmured, “Thanks, Alphonse,” as if she were talking to a waiter. As she stepped into a cab, her long, thin silk stockings visible, she casually said over her fur collar, “You might as well come with me and I'll drop you off somewhere.” He jumped in after her, and she told the driver to go to the Park.
It was a bright winter day, and bitterly cold. Miss Beers asked Fred to tell her about the game at New Haven, and when he did so paid no attention to what he said. She sank back into the hansom and held her muff before her face, lowering it occasionally to utter laconic remarks about the people in the carriages they passed, interrupting Fred’s narrative in a disconcerting manner. As they entered the Park he happened to glance under her wide black hat at her black eyes and hair—the muff hid everything else—and discovered that she was crying. To his solicitous inquiry she replied that it “was enough to make you damp, to go and try on dresses to marry a man you weren’t keen about.”
It was a bright winter day, and freezing cold. Miss Beers asked Fred to tell her about the game in New Haven, but when he did, she didn’t really pay attention. She leaned back in the cab and held her muff in front of her face, dropping it occasionally to make short comments about the people in the carriages they passed, interrupting Fred’s story in an awkward way. As they entered the Park, he happened to look under her wide black hat at her dark eyes and hair—the muff covered everything else—and realized she was crying. When he asked her if she was okay, she replied that “it was enough to make you feel miserable, trying on dresses to marry a guy you weren’t excited about.”
Further explanations followed. She had thought she was “perfectly cracked” about Brisbane, until she met Fred at the Holland House three days ago. Then she knew she would scratch Brisbane’s eyes out if she married him. What was she going to do?
Further explanations followed. She had thought she was “perfectly crazy” about Brisbane, until she met Fred at the Holland House three days ago. Then she knew she would scratch Brisbane’s eyes out if she married him. What was she going to do?
Fred told the driver to keep going. What did she want to do? Well, she didn’t know. One had to marry somebody, after all the machinery had been put in motion. Perhaps she might as well scratch Brisbane as anybody else; for scratch she would, if she didn’t get what she wanted.
Fred told the driver to keep going. What did she want to do? Well, she didn’t know. Someone had to marry someone, after all the plans had been set in motion. Maybe she might as well choose Brisbane as anyone else; because choose she would, if she didn’t get what she wanted.
Of course, Fred agreed, one had to marry somebody. And certainly this girl beat anything he had ever been up against before. Again he told the driver to go ahead. Did she mean that she would think of marrying him, by any chance? Of course she did, Alphonse. Hadn’t he seen that all over her face three days ago? If he hadn’t, he was a snowball.
Of course, Fred agreed, you had to marry someone. And this girl was definitely better than anyone he had ever dealt with before. He told the driver to keep going. Did she mean that she would consider marrying him, maybe? Of course she did, Alphonse. Hadn’t he seen that all over her face three days ago? If he hadn’t, he was clueless.
By this time Fred was beginning to feel sorry for the driver. Miss Beers, however, was compassionless. After a few more turns, Fred suggested tea at the Casino. He was very cold himself, and remembering the shining silk hose and pumps, he wondered that the girl was not frozen. As they got out of the hansom, he slipped the driver a bill and told him to have something hot while he waited.
By this point, Fred was starting to feel sorry for the driver. Miss Beers, however, showed no sympathy. After a few more turns, Fred suggested getting tea at the Casino. He was feeling quite cold himself, and thinking about the shiny silk stockings and shoes, he wondered how the girl wasn't freezing. As they got out of the cab, he slipped the driver some cash and told him to get something hot while he waited.
At the tea-table, in a snug glass enclosure, with the steam sputtering in the pipes beside them and a brilliant winter sunset without, they developed their plan. Miss Beers had with her plenty of money, destined for tradesmen, which she was quite willing to divert into other channels—the first excitement of buying a trousseau had worn off, anyway. It was very much like any other shopping. Fred had his allowance and a few hundred he had won on the game. She would meet him to-morrow morning at the Jersey ferry. They could take one of the west-bound Pennsylvania trains and go—anywhere, some place where the laws weren’t too fussy.—Fred had not even thought about the laws!—It would be all right with her father; he knew Fred’s family.
At the tea table, in a cozy glass enclosure, with steam hissing from the pipes beside them and a stunning winter sunset outside, they were making plans. Miss Beers had a lot of money meant for merchants that she was more than happy to redirect—after all, the initial thrill of shopping for a trousseau had worn off. It was just like any other shopping spree. Fred had his allowance and a few hundred bucks he had won from gambling. She would meet him tomorrow morning at the Jersey ferry. They could catch one of the west-bound Pennsylvania trains and go—anywhere, somewhere with less strict laws. Fred hadn’t even considered the legal aspect! It would be fine with her dad; he knew Fred’s family.
Now that they were engaged, she thought she would like to drive a little more. They were jerked about in the cab for another hour through the deserted Park. Miss Beers, having removed her hat, reclined upon Fred’s shoulder.
Now that they were engaged, she thought she'd like to drive a little more. They bumped around in the cab for another hour through the empty Park. Miss Beers, having taken off her hat, leaned on Fred’s shoulder.
The next morning they left Jersey City by the latest fast train out. They had some misadventures, crossed several States before they found a justice obliging enough to marry two persons whose names automatically instigated inquiry. The bride’s family were rather pleased with her originality; besides, any one of the Ottenburg boys was clearly a better match than young Brisbane. With Otto Ottenburg, however, the affair went down hard, and to his wife, the once proud Katarina Fürst, such a disappointment was almost unbearable. Her sons had always been clay in her hands, and now the geliebter Sohn had escaped her.
The next morning, they left Jersey City on the fastest train available. They had some mishaps and traveled through several states before they found a judge willing to marry them, despite the curiosity their names sparked. The bride’s family was fairly happy with her independent choice; after all, any of the Ottenburg boys was clearly a better fit than young Brisbane. However, the situation with Otto Ottenburg was tough, and for his wife, the once proud Katarina Fürst, such a disappointment was nearly unbearable. Her sons had always been molded by her, and now the beloved son had slipped away from her.
Beers, the packer, gave his daughter a house in St. Louis, and Fred went into his father’s business. At the end of a year, he was mutely appealing to his mother for sympathy. At the end of two, he was drinking and in open rebellion. He had learned to detest his wife. Her wastefulness and cruelty revolted him. The ignorance and the fatuous conceit which lay behind her grimacing mask of slang and ridicule humiliated him so deeply that he became absolutely reckless. Her grace was only an uneasy wriggle, her audacity was the result of insolence and envy, and her wit was restless spite. As her personal mannerisms grew more and more odious to him, he began to dull his perceptions with champagne. He had it for tea, he drank it with dinner, and during the evening he took enough to insure that he would be well insulated when he got home. This behavior spread alarm among his friends. It was scandalous, and it did not occur among brewers. He was violating the noblesse oblige of his guild. His father and his father’s partners looked alarmed.
Beers, the packer, gave his daughter a house in St. Louis, and Fred joined his father's business. By the end of a year, he was silently seeking sympathy from his mother. Two years in, he was drinking and openly rebelling. He had grown to loathe his wife. Her wastefulness and cruelty disgusted him. The ignorance and foolish pride behind her grinning mask of slang and mockery humiliated him so deeply that he became completely reckless. Her charm was just an awkward squirm, her boldness stemmed from rudeness and jealousy, and her humor was driven by spiteful restlessness. As her personal quirks became more intolerable to him, he started to blunten his senses with champagne. He had it for tea, drank it with dinner, and in the evening, he consumed enough to make sure he was well-buffered by the time he got home. This behavior alarmed his friends. It was scandalous and not something brewers did. He was breaking the noblesse oblige of his profession. His father and his father's partners looked worried.
When Fred’s mother went to him and with clasped hands entreated an explanation, he told her that the only trouble was that he couldn’t hold enough wine to make life endurable, so he was going to get out from under and enlist in the navy. He didn’t want anything but the shirt on his back and clean salt air. His mother could look out; he was going to make a scandal.
When Fred’s mom approached him with her hands clasped, asking for an explanation, he told her that the only issue was that he couldn’t drink enough wine to make life bearable, so he was planning to escape and join the navy. He only wanted the shirt on his back and fresh sea air. His mom could just deal with it; he was going to cause a scene.
Mrs. Otto Ottenburg went to Kansas City to see Mr. Beers, and had the satisfaction of telling him that he had brought up his daughter like a savage, eine Ungebildete. All the Ottenburgs and all the Beers, and many of their friends, were drawn into the quarrel. It was to public opinion, however and not to his mother’s activities, that Fred owed his partial escape from bondage. The cosmopolitan brewing world of St. Louis had conservative standards. The Ottenburgs’ friends were not predisposed in favor of the plunging Kansas City set, and they disliked young Fred’s wife from the day that she was brought among them. They found her ignorant and ill-bred and insufferably impertinent. When they became aware of how matters were going between her and Fred, they omitted no opportunity to snub her. Young Fred had always been popular, and St. Louis people took up his cause with warmth. Even the younger men, among whom Mrs. Fred tried to draft a following, at first avoided and then ignored her. Her defeat was so conspicuous, her life became such a desert, that she at last consented to accept the house in Santa Barbara which Mrs. Otto Ottenburg had long owned and cherished. This villa, with its luxuriant gardens, was the price of Fred’s furlough. His mother was only too glad to offer it in his behalf. As soon as his wife was established in California, Fred was transferred from St. Louis to Chicago.
Mrs. Otto Ottenburg went to Kansas City to talk to Mr. Beers and was pleased to tell him that he had raised his daughter like a savage, eine Ungebildete. The Ottenburgs, the Beers, and many of their friends got pulled into the argument. However, it was public opinion, not his mother's actions, that helped Fred partially escape from his situation. The cosmopolitan brewing community in St. Louis had conservative views. The Ottenburgs’ friends were not inclined to support the reckless Kansas City crowd and disliked young Fred’s wife from the moment she arrived. They saw her as ignorant, rude, and unbearably arrogant. When they became aware of the issues between her and Fred, they seized every chance to snub her. Young Fred had always been well-liked, and the people of St. Louis rallied behind him strongly. Even the younger men, whom Mrs. Fred tried to win over, initially avoided her and then completely ignored her. Her defeat was so obvious that her life became a barren wasteland, and she finally agreed to accept the house in Santa Barbara that Mrs. Otto Ottenburg had owned and treasured for a long time. This villa, with its lush gardens, was the price of Fred’s temporary escape. His mother was only too happy to offer it on his behalf. Once his wife was settled in California, Fred was transferred from St. Louis to Chicago.
A divorce was the one thing Edith would never, never, give him. She told him so, and she told his family so, and her father stood behind her. She would enter into no arrangement that might eventually lead to divorce. She had insulted her husband before guests and servants, had scratched his face, thrown hand-mirrors and hairbrushes and nail-scissors at him often enough, but she knew that Fred was hardly the fellow who would go into court and offer that sort of evidence. In her behavior with other men she was discreet.
A divorce was the one thing Edith would never, ever give him. She told him that, and she told his family too, with her father backing her up. She wouldn’t agree to any arrangement that could lead to a divorce. She had insulted her husband in front of guests and staff, scratched his face, and thrown hand mirrors, hairbrushes, and nail scissors at him plenty of times, but she knew Fred wasn’t the type to take that kind of evidence to court. With other men, she was careful.
After Fred went to Chicago, his mother visited him often, and dropped a word to her old friends there, who were already kindly disposed toward the young man. They gossiped as little as was compatible with the interest they felt, undertook to make life agreeable for Fred, and told his story only where they felt it would do good: to girls who seemed to find the young brewer attractive. So far, he had behaved well, and had kept out of entanglements.
After Fred moved to Chicago, his mom visited him frequently and mentioned him to her old friends there, who were already favorably inclined toward the young man. They gossiped as little as possible while still showing their interest, worked to make life pleasant for Fred, and only shared his story where they thought it would make a positive impact: with girls who appeared to find the young brewer appealing. So far, he had been doing well and had avoided any complicated situations.
Since he was transferred to Chicago, Fred had been abroad several times, and had fallen more and more into the way of going about among young artists,—people with whom personal relations were incidental. With women, and even girls, who had careers to follow, a young man might have pleasant friendships without being regarded as a prospective suitor or lover. Among artists his position was not irregular, because with them his marriageableness was not an issue. His tastes, his enthusiasm, and his agreeable personality made him welcome.
Since he moved to Chicago, Fred had traveled abroad several times and had increasingly gotten into the habit of socializing with young artists—people for whom personal connections were secondary. With women, and even girls, who were pursuing their own careers, a young man could have friendly relationships without being seen as a potential boyfriend or partner. Among artists, his situation was normal because they didn't see marriageability as a concern. His interests, passion, and likable personality made him a welcomed presence.
With Thea Kronborg he had allowed himself more liberty than he usually did in his friendships or gallantries with young artists, because she seemed to him distinctly not the marrying kind. She impressed him as equipped to be an artist, and to be nothing else; already directed, concentrated, formed as to mental habit. He was generous and sympathetic, and she was lonely and needed friendship; needed cheerfulness. She had not much power of reaching out toward useful people or useful experiences, did not see opportunities. She had no tact about going after good positions or enlisting the interest of influential persons. She antagonized people rather than conciliated them. He discovered at once that she had a merry side, a robust humor that was deep and hearty, like her laugh, but it slept most of the time under her own doubts and the dullness of her life. She had not what is called a “sense of humor.” That is, she had no intellectual humor; no power to enjoy the absurdities of people, no relish of their pretentiousness and inconsistencies—which only depressed her. But her joviality, Fred felt, was an asset, and ought to be developed. He discovered that she was more receptive and more effective under a pleasant stimulus than she was under the gray grind which she considered her salvation. She was still Methodist enough to believe that if a thing were hard and irksome, it must be good for her. And yet, whatever she did well was spontaneous. Under the least glow of excitement, as at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s, he had seen the apprehensive, frowning drudge of Bowers’s studio flash into a resourceful and consciously beautiful woman.
With Thea Kronborg, he let himself be more relaxed than he typically was in his friendships or flirtations with young artists, because she didn’t strike him as the type who would get married. He saw her as someone meant to be an artist and nothing else; she was already focused, determined, and set in her thinking. He was kind and understanding, and she was lonely and in need of friendship; she needed some joy in her life. She didn't have much ability to connect with helpful people or seek out beneficial experiences, and she didn't recognize opportunities when they came her way. She lacked the social skills needed to pursue good positions or attract the attention of influential people. Instead of winning people over, she often pushed them away. He quickly noticed that she had a cheerful side, a hearty sense of humor that was genuine and robust, much like her laugh, but it was mostly buried under her own insecurities and the monotony of her life. She didn’t have what people refer to as a “sense of humor.” In other words, she didn’t possess the intellectual humor to appreciate the absurdities of others or to enjoy their pretentiousness and inconsistencies, which only made her feel worse. But Fred believed her cheerfulness was a strong point that should be nurtured. He found that she was more open and effective when she was in a lively environment rather than stuck in the dull routine she thought was saving her. She still held on to enough Methodist beliefs to think that if something was tough and bothersome, it had to be good for her. Yet, everything she excelled at was done spontaneously. With just a bit of enthusiasm, like at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s, he had seen the anxious, frowning worker from Bowers’s studio transform into a capable and self-aware woman.
His interest in Thea was serious, almost from the first, and so sincere that he felt no distrust of himself. He believed that he knew a great deal more about her possibilities than Bowers knew, and he liked to think that he had given her a stronger hold on life. She had never seen herself or known herself as she did at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s musical evenings. She had been a different girl ever since. He had not anticipated that she would grow more fond of him than his immediate usefulness warranted. He thought he knew the ways of artists, and, as he said, she must have been “at it from her cradle.” He had imagined, perhaps, but never really believed, that he would find her waiting for him sometime as he found her waiting on the day he reached the Biltmer ranch. Once he found her so—well, he did not pretend to be anything more or less than a reasonably well-intentioned young man. A lovesick girl or a flirtatious woman he could have handled easily enough. But a personality like that, unconsciously revealing itself for the first time under the exaltation of a personal feeling,—what could one do but watch it? As he used to say to himself, in reckless moments back there in the canyon, “You can’t put out a sunrise.” He had to watch it, and then he had to share it.
His interest in Thea was serious, almost from the start, and so genuine that he felt no distrust of himself. He thought he understood her potential much better than Bowers did, and he liked to believe that he had given her a stronger grip on life. She had never seen herself or understood herself as she did at Mrs. Nathanmeyer’s musical evenings. She had been a different girl ever since. He hadn’t expected that she would become more attached to him than his immediate usefulness required. He thought he understood how artists worked, and, as he said, she must have been “at it from her cradle.” He had imagined, perhaps, but never truly believed, that he would find her waiting for him one day just like she was waiting when he arrived at the Biltmer ranch. Once he found her in that moment—well, he didn’t pretend to be anything more or less than a decent young man. A lovesick girl or a flirtatious woman he could have easily managed. But a personality like hers, unconsciously revealing itself for the first time in the excitement of having personal feelings—what could he do but watch it? As he used to tell himself in reckless moments back in the canyon, “You can’t put out a sunrise.” He had to watch it, and then he had to share it.
Besides, was he really going to do her any harm? The Lord knew he would marry her if he could! Marriage would be an incident, not an end with her; he was sure of that. If it were not he, it would be some one else; some one who would be a weight about her neck, probably; who would hold her back and beat her down and divert her from the first plunge for which he felt she was gathering all her energies. He meant to help her, and he could not think of another man who would. He went over his unmarried friends, East and West, and he could not think of one who would know what she was driving at—or care. The clever ones were selfish, the kindly ones were stupid.
Besides, was he really going to hurt her? God knew he would marry her if he could! Marriage would be just a chapter, not the final goal with her; he was sure of that. If it wasn’t him, it would be someone else—someone who would weigh her down, probably; who would hold her back and beat her down and distract her from the big leap he felt she was gearing up for. He intended to help her, and he couldn't think of another guy who would. He thought about his single friends, East and West, and couldn’t name one who would understand what she was after—or even care. The smart ones were selfish, and the kind ones were clueless.
“Damn it, if she’s going to fall in love with somebody, it had better be me than any of the others—of the sort she’d find. Get her tied up with some conceited ass who’d try to make her over, train her like a puppy! Give one of ’em a big nature like that, and he’d be horrified. He wouldn’t show his face in the clubs until he’d gone after her and combed her down to conform to some fool idea in his own head—put there by some other woman, too, his first sweetheart or his grandmother or a maiden aunt. At least, I understand her. I know what she needs and where she’s bound, and I mean to see that she has a fighting chance.”
“Damn it, if she’s going to fall in love with someone, it better be me instead of any of those other guys she might find. I can’t stand the thought of her getting involved with some arrogant jerk who’d try to change her, train her like a pet! Give one of those guys a big personality like that, and he’d freak out. He wouldn’t show up at the clubs until he’d chased her down and forced her to fit into some stupid idea in his head—probably influenced by some other woman, his first girlfriend or his grandmother or an aunt. At least, I get her. I know what she needs and where she’s headed, and I’m determined to make sure she has a real chance.”
His own conduct looked crooked, he admitted; but he asked himself whether, between men and women, all ways were not more or less crooked. He believed those which are called straight were the most dangerous of all. They seemed to him, for the most part, to lie between windowless stone walls, and their rectitude had been achieved at the expense of light and air. In their unquestioned regularity lurked every sort of human cruelty and meanness, and every kind of humiliation and suffering. He would rather have any woman he cared for wounded than crushed. He would deceive her not once, he told himself fiercely, but a hundred times, to keep her free.
His own actions seemed dishonest, he admitted; but he wondered if, when it comes to relationships between men and women, aren’t all paths a bit twisted. He believed that what people call straight are actually the most dangerous of all. They appeared to him, for the most part, to be trapped between windowless stone walls, and their straightness had come at the cost of light and air. In their unquestioned order lurked all kinds of human cruelty and meanness, along with every form of humiliation and suffering. He would rather see any woman he cared about hurt than completely crushed. He would deceive her not just once, he told himself fiercely, but a hundred times, to keep her free.
When Fred went back to the observation car at one o’clock, after the luncheon call, it was empty, and he found Thea alone on the platform. She put out her hand, and met his eyes.
When Fred returned to the observation car at one o'clock, after lunch had been served, it was empty, and he found Thea by herself on the platform. She reached out her hand and met his gaze.
“It’s as I said. Things have closed behind me. I can’t go back, so I am going on—to Mexico?” She lifted her face with an eager, questioning smile.
“It’s just like I said. Doors have closed behind me. I can’t go back, so I’m moving forward—to Mexico?” She lifted her face with an eager, questioning smile.
Fred met it with a sinking heart. Had he really hoped she would give him another answer? He would have given pretty much anything—But there, that did no good. He could give only what he had. Things were never complete in this world; you had to snatch at them as they came or go without. Nobody could look into her face and draw back, nobody who had any courage. She had courage enough for anything—look at her mouth and chin and eyes! Where did it come from, that light? How could a face, a familiar face, become so the picture of hope, be painted with the very colors of youth’s exaltation? She was right; she was not one of those who draw back. Some people get on by avoiding dangers, others by riding through them.
Fred met it with a heavy heart. Did he really think she would give him a different answer? He would have given almost anything—but that didn't help. He could only offer what he had. Nothing was ever complete in this world; you had to grab at things as they came or go without. No one could look at her face and pull back, not anyone with real courage. She had enough courage for anything—just look at her mouth and chin and eyes! Where did that light come from? How could a face, a familiar face, become such a symbol of hope, painted with the very colors of youthful excitement? She was right; she wasn't one of those who pull back. Some people get ahead by avoiding danger, while others charge right through it.
They stood by the railing looking back at the sand levels, both feeling that the train was steaming ahead very fast. Fred’s mind was a confusion of images and ideas. Only two things were clear to him: the force of her determination, and the belief that, handicapped as he was, he could do better by her than another man would do. He knew he would always remember her, standing there with that expectant, forward-looking smile, enough to turn the future into summer.
They stood by the railing, looking back at the beach, both feeling that the train was speeding along quickly. Fred’s mind was a jumble of images and thoughts. Only two things were clear to him: the strength of her determination and the belief that, despite his shortcomings, he could treat her better than anyone else would. He knew he would always remember her, standing there with that hopeful, forward-looking smile, enough to make the future feel bright and warm.
I
Dr. Howard Archie had come down to Denver for a meeting of the stockholders in the San Felipe silver mine. It was not absolutely necessary for him to come, but he had no very pressing cases at home. Winter was closing down in Moonstone, and he dreaded the dullness of it. On the 10th day of January, therefore, he was registered at the Brown Palace Hotel. On the morning of the 11th he came down to breakfast to find the streets white and the air thick with snow. A wild northwester was blowing down from the mountains, one of those beautiful storms that wrap Denver in dry, furry snow, and make the city a loadstone to thousands of men in the mountains and on the plains. The brakemen out on their box-cars, the miners up in their diggings, the lonely homesteaders in the sand hills of Yucca and Kit Carson Counties, begin to think of Denver, muffled in snow, full of food and drink and good cheer, and to yearn for her with that admiration which makes her, more than other American cities, an object of sentiment.
Dr. Howard Archie had come down to Denver for a stockholders' meeting for the San Felipe silver mine. While it wasn’t absolutely necessary for him to be there, he didn’t have any urgent cases back home. Winter was settling in at Moonstone, and he dreaded the monotony that came with it. So, on January 10th, he checked into the Brown Palace Hotel. The next morning, January 11th, he came down for breakfast to find the streets covered in snow and the air thick with it. A wild northwester was blowing down from the mountains, creating one of those lovely storms that blankets Denver in dry, fluffy snow, making the city a magnet for thousands of workers in the mountains and on the plains. The brakemen out on their boxcars, the miners in their digs, and the lonely homesteaders in the sandy hills of Yucca and Kit Carson Counties all began to think of Denver, wrapped in snow, filled with food, drinks, and good cheer, yearning for it with an affection that makes it, more than other American cities, a place of sentimental value.
Howard Archie was glad he had got in before the storm came. He felt as cheerful as if he had received a legacy that morning, and he greeted the clerk with even greater friendliness than usual when he stopped at the desk for his mail. In the dining-room he found several old friends seated here and there before substantial breakfasts: cattlemen and mining engineers from odd corners of the State, all looking fresh and well pleased with themselves. He had a word with one and another before he sat down at the little table by a window, where the Austrian head waiter stood attentively behind a chair. After his breakfast was put before him, the doctor began to run over his letters. There was one directed in Thea Kronborg’s handwriting, forwarded from Moonstone. He saw with astonishment, as he put another lump of sugar into his cup, that this letter bore a New York postmark. He had known that Thea was in Mexico, traveling with some Chicago people, but New York, to a Denver man, seems much farther away than Mexico City. He put the letter behind his plate, upright against the stem of his water goblet, and looked at it thoughtfully while he drank his second cup of coffee. He had been a little anxious about Thea; she had not written to him for a long while.
Howard Archie was glad he got in before the storm hit. He felt as cheerful as if he had received an inheritance that morning, and he greeted the clerk with even more friendliness than usual when he stopped at the desk for his mail. In the dining room, he found several old friends scattered here and there, enjoying hearty breakfasts: cattlemen and mining engineers from various parts of the state, all looking fresh and pleased with themselves. He exchanged a few words with a couple of them before he sat down at a small table by a window, where the Austrian head waiter stood attentively behind a chair. After his breakfast was served, the doctor started going through his letters. There was one addressed in Thea Kronborg’s handwriting, forwarded from Moonstone. He was astonished to see, as he added another lump of sugar to his cup, that this letter had a New York postmark. He knew that Thea was in Mexico, traveling with some people from Chicago, but to a Denver man, New York feels much farther away than Mexico City. He placed the letter behind his plate, propped up against the stem of his water goblet, and looked at it thoughtfully while he drank his second cup of coffee. He had been a little worried about Thea; she hadn’t written to him in a long time.
As he never got good coffee at home, the doctor always drank three cups for breakfast when he was in Denver. Oscar knew just when to bring him a second pot, fresh and smoking. “And more cream, Oscar, please. You know I like lots of cream,” the doctor murmured, as he opened the square envelope, marked in the upper right-hand corner, “Everett House, Union Square.” The text of the letter was as follows:—
As he never got good coffee at home, the doctor always drank three cups for breakfast when he was in Denver. Oscar knew exactly when to bring him a second pot, fresh and steaming. “And more cream, Oscar, please. You know I like a lot of cream,” the doctor said softly as he opened the square envelope, marked in the upper right-hand corner, “Everett House, Union Square.” The text of the letter was as follows:—
DEAR DOCTOR ARCHIE:—
I have not written to you for a long time, but it has not been
unintentional. I could not write you frankly, and so I would not write at all.
I can be frank with you now, but not by letter. It is a great deal to ask, but
I wonder if you could come to New York to help me out? I have got into
difficulties, and I need your advice. I need your friendship. I am afraid I
must even ask you to lend me money, if you can without serious inconvenience. I
have to go to Germany to study, and it can’t be put off any longer. My
voice is ready. Needless to say, I don’t want any word of this to reach
my family. They are the last people I would turn to, though I love my mother
dearly. If you can come, please telegraph me at this hotel. Don’t despair
of me. I’ll make it up to you yet.
DEAR DOCTOR ARCHIE:—
I haven’t written to you in a long time, but it hasn’t been on purpose. I couldn’t be completely honest in writing, so I didn’t write at all. I can be honest with you now, but not in a letter. It’s a big ask, but I wonder if you could come to New York to help me out? I’m in some trouble, and I need your advice. I need your friendship. I’m afraid I have to ask you to lend me some money if you can do it without too much trouble. I need to go to Germany to study, and it can’t wait any longer. My voice is ready. I don’t want any of this to get back to my family. They’re the last people I would turn to, even though I love my mom dearly. If you can make it, please send me a telegram at this hotel. Don’t lose hope in me. I’ll make it up to you someday.
Your old friend,
THEA KRONBORG.
Your old friend,
THEA KRONBORG.
This in a bold, jagged handwriting with a Gothic turn to the letters,—something between a highly sophisticated hand and a very unsophisticated one,—not in the least smooth or flowing.
This is in a bold, jagged handwriting with a Gothic style to the letters—something between a highly skilled hand and a very basic one—not smooth or flowing at all.
The doctor bit off the end of a cigar nervously and read the letter through again, fumbling distractedly in his pockets for matches, while the waiter kept trying to call his attention to the box he had just placed before him. At last Oscar came out, as if the idea had just struck him, “Matches, sir?”
The doctor nervously bit the end off a cigar and read the letter again, absentmindedly searching his pockets for matches, while the waiter kept trying to get his attention to the box he had just set in front of him. Finally, Oscar came out, as if the thought had just occurred to him, “Matches, sir?”
“Yes, thank you.” The doctor slipped a coin into his palm and rose, crumpling Thea’s letter in his hand and thrusting the others into his pocket unopened. He went back to the desk in the lobby and beckoned to the clerk, upon whose kindness he threw himself apologetically.
“Yes, thank you.” The doctor placed a coin in his palm and got up, crumpling Thea’s letter in his fist and shoving the others into his pocket unopened. He returned to the desk in the lobby and signaled the clerk, leaning on the clerk’s kindness with an apologetic demeanor.
“Harry, I’ve got to pull out unexpectedly. Call up the Burlington, will you, and ask them to route me to New York the quickest way, and to let us know. Ask for the hour I’ll get in. I have to wire.”
“Harry, I have to cancel unexpectedly. Can you call Burlington and ask them to find me the quickest route to New York and let us know? Also, ask them what time I’ll arrive. I need to send a wire.”
“Certainly, Dr. Archie. Have it for you in a minute.” The young man’s pallid, clean-scraped face was all sympathetic interest as he reached for the telephone. Dr. Archie put out his hand and stopped him.
“Sure thing, Dr. Archie. I’ll get it for you in a minute.” The young man’s pale, freshly shaven face showed genuine concern as he reached for the phone. Dr. Archie reached out his hand and stopped him.
“Wait a minute. Tell me, first, is Captain Harris down yet?”
“Hold on a second. Can you tell me, is Captain Harris down yet?”
“No, sir. The Captain hasn’t come down yet this morning.”
“No, sir. The Captain hasn’t come down yet this morning.”
“I’ll wait here for him. If I don’t happen to catch him, nail him and get me. Thank you, Harry.”
“I’ll wait here for him. If I don’t manage to catch him, pin him down and get me. Thanks, Harry.”
The doctor spoke gratefully and turned away. He began to pace the lobby, his hands behind him, watching the bronze elevator doors like a hawk. At last Captain Harris issued from one of them, tall and imposing, wearing a Stetson and fierce mustaches, a fur coat on his arm, a solitaire glittering upon his little finger and another in his black satin ascot. He was one of the grand old bluffers of those good old days. As gullible as a schoolboy, he had managed, with his sharp eye and knowing air and twisted blond mustaches, to pass himself off for an astute financier, and the Denver papers respectfully referred to him as the Rothschild of Cripple Creek.
The doctor nodded in gratitude and turned away. He started pacing the lobby, hands behind his back, keeping a close eye on the bronze elevator doors. Finally, Captain Harris emerged from one of them, tall and commanding, sporting a Stetson and fierce mustaches, a fur coat draped over his arm, a diamond ring sparkling on his little finger, and another in his black satin ascot. He was one of the classic big talkers from those memorable times. As naïve as a schoolboy, he had managed, with his keen eye and confident demeanor, not to mention his curled blond mustaches, to pass himself off as a shrewd financier, and the Denver papers referred to him with respect as the Rothschild of Cripple Creek.
Dr. Archie stopped the Captain on his way to breakfast. “Must see you a minute, Captain. Can’t wait. Want to sell you some shares in the San Felipe. Got to raise money.”
Dr. Archie stopped the Captain on his way to breakfast. “I need to see you for a minute, Captain. Can't wait. I want to sell you some shares in the San Felipe. I need to raise some money.”
The Captain grandly bestowed his hat upon an eager porter who had already lifted his fur coat tenderly from his arm and stood nursing it. In removing his hat, the Captain exposed a bald, flushed dome, thatched about the ears with yellowish gray hair. “Bad time to sell, doctor. You want to hold on to San Felipe, and buy more. What have you got to raise?”
The Captain dramatically handed his hat to an eager porter who had already gently taken his fur coat from his arm and was now cradling it. As he took off his hat, the Captain revealed a bald, reddened head surrounded by yellowish-gray hair. “Not a good time to sell, doc. You should hang onto San Felipe and buy more. What do you have to raise?”
“Oh, not a great sum. Five or six thousand. I’ve been buying up close and have run short.”
“Oh, not a huge amount. Five or six thousand. I've been buying a lot and have run out.”
“I see, I see. Well, doctor, you’ll have to let me get through that door. I was out last night, and I’m going to get my bacon, if you lose your mine.” He clapped Archie on the shoulder and pushed him along in front of him. “Come ahead with me, and we’ll talk business.”
“I get it, I get it. Well, doc, you’re gonna have to let me through that door. I was out last night, and I’m going to get my bacon, even if you lose your mind.” He patted Archie on the shoulder and shoved him forward. “Come on with me, and we’ll talk business.”
Dr. Archie attended the Captain and waited while he gave his order, taking the seat the old promoter indicated.
Dr. Archie sat down at the Captain's table and waited for him to give his order, taking the seat the old promoter pointed out.
“Now, sir,” the Captain turned to him, “you don’t want to sell anything. You must be under the impression that I’m one of these damned New England sharks that get their pound of flesh off the widow and orphan. If you’re a little short, sign a note and I’ll write a check. That’s the way gentlemen do business. If you want to put up some San Felipe as collateral, let her go, but I shan’t touch a share of it. Pens and ink, please, Oscar,”—he lifted a large forefinger to the Austrian.
“Now, sir,” the Captain said, turning to him, “you don’t actually want to sell anything. You must think I’m one of those greedy New England guys who take advantage of widows and orphans. If you’re a bit short on cash, just sign a note and I’ll write you a check. That’s how gentlemen handle business. If you want to use some San Felipe as collateral, go ahead, but I won’t touch any of it. Pens and ink, please, Oscar,”—he raised a big finger to the Austrian.
The Captain took out his checkbook and a book of blank notes, and adjusted his nose-nippers. He wrote a few words in one book and Archie wrote a few in the other. Then they each tore across perforations and exchanged slips of paper.
The Captain pulled out his checkbook and a pad of blank notes, and fixed his nose-nippers. He scribbled a few words in one pad while Archie jotted down a few in the other. Then they each tore along the perforations and swapped sheets of paper.
“That’s the way. Saves office rent,” the Captain commented with satisfaction, returning the books to his pocket. “And now, Archie, where are you off to?”
“That's the way. Saves on office rent,” the Captain said with a smile, putting the books back in his pocket. “And now, Archie, where are you headed?”
“Got to go East to-night. A deal waiting for me in New York.” Dr. Archie rose.
“Need to head East tonight. I've got a deal waiting for me in New York.” Dr. Archie stood up.
The Captain’s face brightened as he saw Oscar approaching with a tray, and he began tucking the corner of his napkin inside his collar, over his ascot. “Don’t let them unload anything on you back there, doctor,” he said genially, “and don’t let them relieve you of anything, either. Don’t let them get any Cripple stuff off you. We can manage our own silver out here, and we’re going to take it out by the ton, sir!”
The Captain’s face lit up as he spotted Oscar coming with a tray, and he started tucking the corner of his napkin into his collar, over his ascot. “Don’t let them unload anything on you back there, doc,” he said cheerfully, “and don’t let them take anything from you, either. Don’t let them get any Cripple stuff off you. We can handle our own silver out here, and we’re planning to take it out by the ton, sir!”
The doctor left the dining-room, and after another consultation with the clerk, he wrote his first telegram to Thea:—
The doctor left the dining room, and after another talk with the clerk, he wrote his first text to Thea:—
Miss Thea Kronborg,
Everett House, New York.
Will call at your hotel eleven o’clock Friday morning. Glad to come.
Thank you.
Miss Thea Kronborg,
Everett House, New York.
I will stop by your hotel at eleven o’clock on Friday morning. I’m happy to come. Thank you.
ARCHIE
ARCHIE
He stood and heard the message actually clicked off on the wire, with the feeling that she was hearing the click at the other end. Then he sat down in the lobby and wrote a note to his wife and one to the other doctor in Moonstone. When he at last issued out into the storm, it was with a feeling of elation rather than of anxiety. Whatever was wrong, he could make it right. Her letter had practically said so.
He stood and heard the message actually click off on the line, feeling like she was hearing the click on the other end. Then he sat down in the lobby and wrote a note to his wife and one to the other doctor in Moonstone. When he finally stepped out into the storm, he felt more exhilarated than anxious. Whatever was wrong, he could fix it. Her letter had practically said so.
He tramped about the snowy streets, from the bank to the Union Station, where he shoved his money under the grating of the ticket window as if he could not get rid of it fast enough. He had never been in New York, never been farther east than Buffalo. “That’s rather a shame,” he reflected boyishly as he put the long tickets in his pocket, “for a man nearly forty years old.” However, he thought as he walked up toward the club, he was on the whole glad that his first trip had a human interest, that he was going for something, and because he was wanted. He loved holidays. He felt as if he were going to Germany himself. “Queer,”—he went over it with the snow blowing in his face,—“but that sort of thing is more interesting than mines and making your daily bread. It’s worth paying out to be in on it,—for a fellow like me. And when it’s Thea—Oh, I back her!” he laughed aloud as he burst in at the door of the Athletic Club, powdered with snow.
He walked around the snowy streets, from the bank to Union Station, where he shoved his money under the ticket window grate as if he couldn't get rid of it fast enough. He had never been to New York, never gone further east than Buffalo. “That’s kind of a shame,” he thought to himself playfully as he put the long tickets in his pocket, “for a guy who's almost forty.” However, as he walked towards the club, he was generally glad that his first trip had a personal connection, that he was going for a reason, and because he was needed. He loved holidays. It felt like he was heading to Germany himself. “Funny,”—he thought as the snow blew in his face,—“but that kind of thing is way more interesting than working in mines and just making a living. It’s worth spending money to be part of it,—for someone like me. And when it’s Thea—Oh, I support her!” he laughed out loud as he entered the Athletic Club, covered in snow.
Archie sat down before the New York papers and ran over the advertisements of hotels, but he was too restless to read. Probably he had better get a new overcoat, and he was not sure about the shape of his collars. “I don’t want to look different to her from everybody else there,” he mused. “I guess I’ll go down and have Van look me over. He’ll put me right.”
Archie sat down in front of the New York newspapers and scanned the hotel ads, but he was too fidgety to focus. He probably needed to buy a new overcoat, and he doubted the style of his collars. “I don’t want to stand out to her compared to everyone else there," he thought. “I guess I’ll go down and have Van check me out. He’ll set me straight.”
So he plunged out into the snow again and started for his tailor’s. When he passed a florist’s shop he stopped and looked in at the window, smiling; how naturally pleasant things recalled one another. At the tailor’s he kept whistling, “Flow gently, Sweet Afton,” while Van Dusen advised him, until that resourceful tailor and haberdasher exclaimed, “You must have a date back there, doctor; you behave like a bridegroom,” and made him remember that he wasn’t one.
So he dashed out into the snow again and headed to his tailor’s. When he walked by a florist’s shop, he paused and looked through the window, smiling; it was amazing how nicely everything reminded him of each other. At the tailor’s, he kept humming “Flow gently, Sweet Afton” while Van Dusen gave him advice, until that clever tailor and haberdasher exclaimed, “You must have a date waiting for you, doctor; you’re acting like a groom,” and made him realize that he wasn’t one.
Before he let him go, Van put his finger on the Masonic pin in his client’s lapel. “Mustn’t wear that, doctor. Very bad form back there.”
Before he let him go, Van touched the Masonic pin on his client's lapel. "You shouldn't wear that, doctor. It's considered very bad form back there."
II
Fred Ottenburg, smartly dressed for the afternoon, with a long black coat and gaiters was sitting in the dusty parlor of the Everett House. His manner was not in accord with his personal freshness, the good lines of his clothes, and the shining smoothness of his hair. His attitude was one of deep dejection, and his face, though it had the cool, unimpeachable fairness possible only to a very blond young man, was by no means happy. A page shuffled into the room and looked about. When he made out the dark figure in a shadowy corner, tracing over the carpet pattern with a cane, he droned, “The lady says you can come up, sir.”
Fred Ottenburg, dressed nicely for the afternoon in a long black coat and gaiters, was sitting in the dusty parlor of the Everett House. His demeanor didn’t match his fresh appearance, the sharp lines of his clothes, and the smooth shine of his hair. He looked deeply downcast, and although his face had the cool, flawless look only a very blond young man can have, he was far from happy. A page shuffled into the room and glanced around. When he spotted the dark figure in a shadowy corner, tracing the carpet pattern with a cane, he droned, “The lady says you can come up, sir.”
Fred picked up his hat and gloves and followed the creature, who seemed an aged boy in uniform, through dark corridors that smelled of old carpets. The page knocked at the door of Thea’s sitting-room, and then wandered away. Thea came to the door with a telegram in her hand. She asked Ottenburg to come in and pointed to one of the clumsy, sullen-looking chairs that were as thick as they were high. The room was brown with time, dark in spite of two windows that opened on Union Square, with dull curtains and carpet, and heavy, respectable-looking furniture in somber colors. The place was saved from utter dismalness by a coal fire under the black marble mantelpiece,—brilliantly reflected in a long mirror that hung between the two windows. This was the first time Fred had seen the room, and he took it in quickly, as he put down his hat and gloves.
Fred picked up his hat and gloves and followed the creature, who looked like an old boy in uniform, through dark hallways that smelled like old carpets. The page knocked on the door of Thea’s sitting room and then walked away. Thea came to the door holding a telegram. She invited Ottenburg in and pointed to one of the awkward, gloomy-looking chairs that were as wide as they were tall. The room was brown with age, dim even with two windows that faced Union Square, featuring dull curtains and carpet, and heavy, respectable furniture in dark colors. The place was saved from complete dreariness by a coal fire under the black marble mantelpiece, brilliantly reflected in a long mirror that hung between the two windows. This was the first time Fred had seen the room, and he took it in quickly as he set down his hat and gloves.
Thea seated herself at the walnut writing-desk, still holding the slip of yellow paper. “Dr. Archie is coming,” she said. “He will be here Friday morning.”
Thea sat down at the walnut writing desk, still holding the yellow piece of paper. “Dr. Archie is coming,” she announced. “He’ll be here Friday morning.”
“Well, that’s good, at any rate,” her visitor replied with a determined effort at cheerfulness. Then, turning to the fire, he added blankly, “If you want him.”
“Well, that’s good, at least,” her visitor said, making a determined effort to sound cheerful. Then, looking at the fire, he added blankly, “If you want him.”
“Of course I want him. I would never have asked such a thing of him if I hadn’t wanted him a great deal. It’s a very expensive trip.” Thea spoke severely. Then she went on, in a milder tone. “He doesn’t say anything about the money, but I think his coming means that he can let me have it.”
“Of course I want him. I would never have asked something like that if I didn’t want him a lot. It’s a really expensive trip.” Thea spoke firmly. Then she continued, in a softer tone. “He doesn’t mention the money, but I believe his coming means he can help me out with it.”
Fred was standing before the mantel, rubbing his hands together nervously. “Probably. You are still determined to call on him?” He sat down tentatively in the chair Thea had indicated. “I don’t see why you won’t borrow from me, and let him sign with you, for instance. That would constitute a perfectly regular business transaction. I could bring suit against either of you for my money.”
Fred was standing in front of the mantel, rubbing his hands together anxiously. “Probably. Are you still set on visiting him?” He sat down hesitantly in the chair Thea had pointed out. “I don’t understand why you won’t just borrow from me and have him sign with you, for example. That would make it a completely legitimate business deal. I could sue either of you for my money.”
Thea turned toward him from the desk. “We won’t take that up again, Fred. I should have a different feeling about it if I went on your money. In a way I shall feel freer on Dr. Archie’s, and in another way I shall feel more bound. I shall try even harder.” She paused. “He is almost like my father,” she added irrelevantly.
Thea turned away from the desk to face him. “We’re not going to discuss that again, Fred. I would feel differently about it if I were using your money. In some ways, I’ll feel more independent with Dr. Archie’s, but in other ways, I’ll feel more obligated. I’ll work even harder.” She paused. “He’s almost like a father to me,” she added, somewhat off-topic.
“Still, he isn’t, you know,” Fred persisted. “It wouldn’t be anything new. I’ve loaned money to students before, and got it back, too.”
“Still, he isn’t, you know,” Fred kept insisting. “It wouldn’t be anything new. I’ve lent money to students before, and I got it back, too.”
“Yes; I know you’re generous,” Thea hurried over it, “but this will be the best way. He will be here on Friday did I tell you?”
“Yes, I know you’re generous,” Thea quickly said, “but this is the best way. He’ll be here on Friday, did I mention that?”
“I think you mentioned it. That’s rather soon. May I smoke?” he took out a small cigarette case. “I suppose you’ll be off next week?” he asked as he struck a match.
“I think you brought it up. That’s pretty soon. Can I smoke?” he pulled out a small cigarette case. “I guess you’ll be leaving next week?” he asked as he lit a match.
“Just as soon as I can,” she replied with a restless movement of her arms, as if her dark-blue dress were too tight for her. “It seems as if I’d been here forever.”
“Just as soon as I can,” she said, fidgeting with her arms like her dark-blue dress was too tight. “It feels like I’ve been here forever.”
“And yet,” the young man mused, “we got in only four days ago. Facts really don’t count for much, do they? It’s all in the way people feel: even in little things.”
“And yet,” the young man thought, “we just arrived four days ago. Facts don’t really matter that much, do they? It’s all about how people feel: even in small things.”
Thea winced, but she did not answer him. She put the telegram back in its envelope and placed it carefully in one of the pigeonholes of the desk.
Thea flinched, but she didn’t respond to him. She put the telegram back in its envelope and carefully set it in one of the desk's compartments.
“I suppose,” Fred brought out with effort, “that your friend is in your confidence?”
“I guess,” Fred said with some difficulty, “that your friend knows about this?”
“He always has been. I shall have to tell him about myself. I wish I could without dragging you in.”
“He's always been that way. I need to tell him about myself. I just wish I could do it without involving you.”
Fred shook himself. “Don’t bother about where you drag me, please,” he put in, flushing. “I don’t give—” he subsided suddenly.
Fred shook himself. “Please don’t worry about where you’re dragging me,” he said, blushing. “I don’t care—” he suddenly trailed off.
“I’m afraid,” Thea went on gravely, “that he won’t understand. He’ll be hard on you.”
“I’m afraid,” Thea said seriously, “that he won’t understand. He’ll be tough on you.”
Fred studied the white ash of his cigarette before he flicked it off. “You mean he’ll see me as even worse than I am. Yes, I suppose I shall look very low to him: a fifthrate scoundrel. But that only matters in so far as it hurts his feelings.”
Fred examined the white ash of his cigarette before he flicked it away. “You mean he’ll see me as even worse than I really am. Yes, I guess I’ll look pretty pathetic to him: a fifth-rate loser. But that only matters to the extent that it hurts his feelings.”
Thea sighed. “We’ll both look pretty low. And after all, we must really be just about as we shall look to him.”
Thea sighed. “We’re both going to look pretty bad. And really, we must be pretty much how we seem to him.”
Ottenburg started up and threw his cigarette into the grate. “That I deny. Have you ever been really frank with this preceptor of your childhood, even when you were a child? Think a minute, have you? Of course not! From your cradle, as I once told you, you’ve been ‘doing it’ on the side, living your own life, admitting to yourself things that would horrify him. You’ve always deceived him to the extent of letting him think you different from what you are. He couldn’t understand then, he can’t understand now. So why not spare yourself and him?”
Ottenburg jumped up and tossed his cigarette into the fireplace. “I disagree. Have you ever been completely honest with this mentor from your childhood, even when you were a kid? Think about it for a second, have you? Of course not! Ever since you were born, as I once told you, you've been 'doing your own thing' on the side, living your own life, acknowledging things that would completely shock him. You've always misled him into believing you're different from who you really are. He couldn't understand then, and he still can't understand now. So why not save yourself and him the trouble?”
She shook her head. “Of course, I’ve had my own thoughts. Maybe he has had his, too. But I’ve never done anything before that he would much mind. I must put myself right with him,—as right as I can,—to begin over. He’ll make allowances for me. He always has. But I’m afraid he won’t for you.”
She shook her head. “Of course, I’ve thought about it. Maybe he has too. But I’ve never done anything before that he would really care about. I need to make things right with him—as right as I can—so we can start fresh. He’ll be understanding toward me; he always has been. But I’m worried he won’t be the same with you.”
“Leave that to him and me. I take it you want me to see him?” Fred sat down again and began absently to trace the carpet pattern with his cane. “At the worst,” he spoke wanderingly, “I thought you’d perhaps let me go in on the business end of it and invest along with you. You’d put in your talent and ambition and hard work, and I’d put in the money and—well, nobody’s good wishes are to be scorned, not even mine. Then, when the thing panned out big, we could share together. Your doctor friend hasn’t cared half so much about your future as I have.”
“Leave that to him and me. I assume you want me to meet with him?” Fred sat down again and started absentmindedly tracing the carpet pattern with his cane. “At the very least,” he said, somewhat distracted, “I thought you might let me get involved and invest alongside you. You’d contribute your talent, ambition, and hard work, and I’d bring in the money and—well, nobody’s good wishes should be underestimated, even mine. Then, when it turns out well, we could share the rewards. Your doctor friend hasn’t cared nearly as much about your future as I have.”
“He’s cared a good deal. He doesn’t know as much about such things as you do. Of course you’ve been a great deal more help to me than any one else ever has,” Thea said quietly. The black clock on the mantel began to strike. She listened to the five strokes and then said, “I’d have liked your helping me eight months ago. But now, you’d simply be keeping me.”
“He's really cared. He doesn't know as much about this stuff as you do. Of course, you've been way more helpful to me than anyone else ever has,” Thea said quietly. The black clock on the mantel started to chime. She listened to the five chimes and then said, “I would have appreciated your help eight months ago. But now, you'd just be holding me back.”
“You weren’t ready for it eight months ago.” Fred leaned back at last in his chair. “You simply weren’t ready for it. You were too tired. You were too timid. Your whole tone was too low. You couldn’t rise from a chair like that,”—she had started up apprehensively and gone toward the window.—“You were fumbling and awkward. Since then you’ve come into your personality. You were always locking horns with it before. You were a sullen little drudge eight months ago, afraid of being caught at either looking or moving like yourself. Nobody could tell anything about you. A voice is not an instrument that’s found ready-made. A voice is personality. It can be as big as a circus and as common as dirt.—There’s good money in that kind, too, but I don’t happen to be interested in them.—Nobody could tell much about what you might be able to do, last winter. I divined more than anybody else.”
“You weren’t ready for it eight months ago.” Fred finally leaned back in his chair. “You just weren’t ready. You were too exhausted. You were too hesitant. Your whole vibe was too low. You couldn’t even get up from a chair like that,”—she had stood up nervously and moved toward the window.—“You were clumsy and awkward. Since then, you’ve really come into your own. You were always butting heads with it before. You were a gloomy little workhorse eight months ago, scared of being caught either looking or acting like yourself. Nobody could get a read on you. A voice isn’t something that just appears ready-made. A voice is personality. It can be as grand as a circus and as ordinary as dirt.—There’s good money in that kind, too, but I’m just not interested in them.—Nobody could tell much about what you might be capable of last winter. I saw more than anyone else.”
“Yes, I know you did.” Thea walked over to the oldfashioned mantel and held her hands down to the glow of the fire. “I owe so much to you, and that’s what makes things hard. That’s why I have to get away from you altogether. I depend on you for so many things. Oh, I did even last winter, in Chicago!” She knelt down by the grate and held her hands closer to the coals. “And one thing leads to another.”
“Yes, I know you did.” Thea walked over to the old-fashioned mantel and held her hands down to the warm fire. “I owe you so much, and that’s what makes it difficult. That’s why I need to distance myself from you completely. I rely on you for so many things. Oh, I was even doing that last winter in Chicago!” She knelt by the grate and held her hands closer to the glowing coals. “And one thing leads to another.”
Ottenburg watched her as she bent toward the fire. His glance brightened a little. “Anyhow, you couldn’t look as you do now, before you knew me. You were clumsy. And whatever you do now, you do splendidly. And you can’t cry enough to spoil your face for more than ten minutes. It comes right back, in spite of you. It’s only since you’ve known me that you’ve let yourself be beautiful.”
Ottenburg watched her as she leaned toward the fire. His eyes lit up a bit. “Anyway, you couldn’t look as great as you do now before you met me. You were pretty awkward. And whatever you do now, you do it perfectly. And you can’t cry enough to ruin your face for more than ten minutes. It just comes back, no matter what. It’s only since you’ve known me that you’ve allowed yourself to be beautiful.”
Without rising she turned her face away. Fred went on impetuously. “Oh, you can turn it away from me, Thea; you can take it away from me! All the same—” his spurt died and he fell back. “How can you turn on me so, after all!” he sighed.
Without getting up, she turned her face away. Fred continued impulsively. “Oh, you can look away from me, Thea; you can pull it away from me! Still—” his energy faded and he fell silent. “How can you turn on me like this, after everything?” he sighed.
“I haven’t. But when you arranged with yourself to take me in like that, you couldn’t have been thinking very kindly of me. I can’t understand how you carried it through, when I was so easy, and all the circumstances were so easy.”
“I haven’t. But when you decided to take me in like that, you couldn’t have been thinking very kindly of me. I don’t understand how you managed it, when I was so easygoing, and everything around us was so simple.”
Her crouching position by the fire became threatening. Fred got up, and Thea also rose.
Her crouched position by the fire looked threatening. Fred stood up, and Thea got up too.
“No,” he said, “I can’t make you see that now. Some time later, perhaps, you will understand better. For one thing, I honestly could not imagine that words, names, meant so much to you.” Fred was talking with the desperation of a man who has put himself in the wrong and who yet feels that there was an idea of truth in his conduct. “Suppose that you had married your brakeman and lived with him year after year, caring for him even less than you do for your doctor, or for Harsanyi. I suppose you would have felt quite all right about it, because that relation has a name in good standing. To me, that seems—sickening!” He took a rapid turn about the room and then as Thea remained standing, he rolled one of the elephantine chairs up to the hearth for her.
“No,” he said, “I can’t make you understand that right now. Maybe later, you’ll get it better. For one thing, I really couldn’t imagine that words and names meant so much to you.” Fred was speaking with the desperation of someone who knows he's in the wrong but still feels there’s some truth in his actions. “What if you had married your brakeman and lived with him for years, caring for him even less than you do for your doctor or Harsanyi? I guess you would have felt fine about it because that relationship has a respectable name. To me, that sounds—sickening!” He quickly paced the room, and as Thea stayed standing, he pulled one of the huge chairs closer to the hearth for her.
“Sit down and listen to me for a moment, Thea.” He began pacing from the hearthrug to the window and back again, while she sat down compliantly. “Don’t you know most of the people in the world are not individuals at all? They never have an individual idea or experience. A lot of girls go to boarding-school together, come out the same season, dance at the same parties, are married off in groups, have their babies at about the same time, send their children to school together, and so the human crop renews itself. Such women know as much about the reality of the forms they go through as they know about the wars they learn the dates of. They get their most personal experiences out of novels and plays. Everything is second-hand with them. Why, you couldn’t live like that.”
“Sit down and listen to me for a moment, Thea.” He started pacing from the hearthrug to the window and back again, while she sat down obediently. “Don’t you realize that most people in the world aren’t truly individuals? They never have unique ideas or experiences. A lot of girls go to boarding school together, graduate the same season, dance at the same parties, get married in groups, have their babies around the same time, and send their kids to school together, and that’s how the cycle of life continues. These women know as much about the reality of their experiences as they know about the dates of wars they learn about. They get their most personal experiences from novels and plays. Everything is second-hand for them. Honestly, you couldn’t live like that.”
Thea sat looking toward the mantel, her eyes half closed, her chin level, her head set as if she were enduring something. Her hands, very white, lay passive on her dark gown. From the window corner Fred looked at them and at her. He shook his head and flashed an angry, tormented look out into the blue twilight over the Square, through which muffled cries and calls and the clang of car bells came up from the street. He turned again and began to pace the floor, his hands in his pockets.
Thea sat staring at the mantel, her eyes partly closed, her chin steady, her head positioned as if she were putting up with something. Her very white hands rested limply on her dark dress. From the corner of the window, Fred watched them and her. He shook his head and shot an angry, tormented look into the blue twilight over the Square, where muted cries and calls and the clang of car bells echoed from the street. He turned back and started pacing the floor, his hands in his pockets.
“Say what you will, Thea Kronborg, you are not that sort of person. You will never sit alone with a pacifier and a novel. You won’t subsist on what the old ladies have put into the bottle for you. You will always break through into the realities. That was the first thing Harsanyi found out about you; that you couldn’t be kept on the outside. If you’d lived in Moonstone all your life and got on with the discreet brakeman, you’d have had just the same nature. Your children would have been the realities then, probably. If they’d been commonplace, you’d have killed them with driving. You’d have managed some way to live twenty times as much as the people around you.”
"Say what you want, Thea Kronborg, you’re not that kind of person. You’ll never just sit alone with a pacifier and a book. You won’t survive on what the old ladies have given you. You will always break through into reality. That was the first thing Harsanyi realized about you; that you couldn't be kept on the outside. Even if you had lived in Moonstone your whole life and were with the quiet brakeman, you’d have the same nature. Your children would have been your reality then, probably. If they were ordinary, you’d have overwhelmed them with your drive. You would have found a way to live twenty times more than the people around you."
Fred paused. He sought along the shadowy ceiling and heavy mouldings for words. When he began again, his voice was lower, and at first he spoke with less conviction, though again it grew on him. “Now I knew all this—oh, knew it better than I can ever make you understand! You’ve been running a handicap. You had no time to lose. I wanted you to have what you need and to get on fast—get through with me, if need be; I counted on that. You’ve no time to sit round and analyze your conduct or your feelings. Other women give their whole lives to it. They’ve nothing else to do. Helping a man to get his divorce is a career for them; just the sort of intellectual exercise they like.”
Fred paused. He searched the shadowy ceiling and the heavy moldings for the right words. When he started again, his voice was quieter, and at first, he spoke with less certainty, but it gradually picked up. “Now I knew all of this—oh, I knew it better than I can ever explain to you! You’ve been at a disadvantage. You didn’t have time to waste. I wanted you to have what you needed and to move forward quickly—get done with me if necessary; I was counting on that. You don’t have time to sit around and analyze your behavior or your feelings. Other women dedicate their entire lives to that. They have nothing else to focus on. Helping a man secure his divorce is a career for them; just the kind of intellectual challenge they enjoy.”
Fred dived fiercely into his pockets as if he would rip them out and scatter their contents to the winds. Stopping before her, he took a deep breath and went on again, this time slowly. “All that sort of thing is foreign to you. You’d be nowhere at it. You haven’t that kind of mind. The grammatical niceties of conduct are dark to you. You’re simple—and poetic.” Fred’s voice seemed to be wandering about in the thickening dusk. “You won’t play much. You won’t, perhaps, love many times.” He paused. “And you did love me, you know. Your railroad friend would have understood me. I could have thrown you back. The reverse was there,—it stared me in the face,—but I couldn’t pull it. I let you drive ahead.” He threw out his hands. What Thea noticed, oddly enough, was the flash of the firelight on his cuff link. He turned again. “And you’ll always drive ahead,” he muttered. “It’s your way.”
Fred dove fiercely into his pockets as if he would rip them out and scatter their contents to the wind. Stopping in front of her, he took a deep breath and continued, this time slowly. “All that kind of stuff is foreign to you. You wouldn’t make much of it. You don’t have that kind of mindset. The subtle rules of behavior are a mystery to you. You’re straightforward—and poetic.” Fred’s voice seemed to be wandering in the thickening dusk. “You won’t play around much. You might not love often.” He paused. “And you did love me, you know. Your railroad friend would have understood me. I could have sent you back. The option was there,—it was right in front of me,—but I couldn’t do it. I let you move forward.” He spread out his hands. What Thea noticed, oddly enough, was the flash of the firelight on his cufflink. He turned again. “And you’ll always move forward,” he murmured. “That’s just how you are.”
There was a long silence. Fred had dropped into a chair. He seemed, after such an explosion, not to have a word left in him. Thea put her hand to the back of her neck and pressed it, as if the muscles there were aching.
There was a long silence. Fred had slumped into a chair. After such an outburst, he seemed to have no words left in him. Thea placed her hand on the back of her neck and pressed it, as if the muscles there were sore.
“Well,” she said at last, “I at least overlook more in you than I do in myself. I am always excusing you to myself. I don’t do much else.”
"Well," she finally said, "I definitely overlook more in you than I do in myself. I'm always making excuses for you to myself. That's pretty much all I do."
“Then why, in Heaven’s name, won’t you let me be your friend? You make a scoundrel of me, borrowing money from another man to get out of my clutches.”
“Then why, for Heaven’s sake, won’t you let me be your friend? You’re making me look like a jerk, borrowing money from someone else to escape my hold.”
“If I borrow from him, it’s to study. Anything I took from you would be different. As I said before, you’d be keeping me.”
“If I borrow from him, it’s for studying. Anything I took from you would be different. Like I said before, you’d be holding onto me.”
“Keeping! I like your language. It’s pure Moonstone, Thea,—like your point of view. I wonder how long you’ll be a Methodist.” He turned away bitterly.
“Keeping! I like your way of speaking. It’s pure Moonstone, Thea—just like your perspective. I wonder how long you’ll stick with being a Methodist.” He turned away, frustrated.
“Well, I’ve never said I wasn’t Moonstone, have I? I am, and that’s why I want Dr. Archie. I can’t see anything so funny about Moonstone, you know.” She pushed her chair back a little from the hearth and clasped her hands over her knee, still looking thoughtfully into the red coals. “We always come back to the same thing, Fred. The name, as you call it, makes a difference to me how I feel about myself. You would have acted very differently with a girl of your own kind, and that’s why I can’t take anything from you now. You’ve made everything impossible. Being married is one thing and not being married is the other thing, and that’s all there is to it. I can’t see how you reasoned with yourself, if you took the trouble to reason. You say I was too much alone, and yet what you did was to cut me off more than I ever had been. Now I’m going to try to make good to my friends out there. That’s all there is left for me.”
"Well, I’ve never claimed I wasn’t Moonstone, have I? I am, and that’s why I want Dr. Archie. I don't think there's anything funny about being Moonstone, you know." She pushed her chair back a bit from the hearth and clasped her hands over her knee, still gazing thoughtfully into the red coals. "We always end up at the same point, Fred. The name, as you call it, impacts how I feel about myself. You would have acted very differently with a girl of your own kind, and that’s why I can’t accept anything from you now. You’ve made everything impossible. Being married is one thing, and not being married is another, and that’s all there is to it. I can’t understand how you reasoned with yourself, if you even bothered to think it through. You say I was too alone, yet what you did was cut me off more than I had ever been. Now I’m going to try to make it up to my friends out there. That’s all I have left."
“Make good to your friends!” Fred burst out. “What one of them cares as I care, or believes as I believe? I’ve told you I’ll never ask a gracious word from you until I can ask it with all the churches in Christendom at my back.”
“Be good to your friends!” Fred exclaimed. “Which of them cares as much as I do or believes what I believe? I’ve told you I won’t ask for a kind word from you until I can do it with all the churches in Christendom supporting me.”
Thea looked up, and when she saw Fred’s face, she thought sadly that he, too, looked as if things were spoiled for him. “If you know me as well as you say you do, Fred,” she said slowly, “then you are not being honest with yourself. You know that I can’t do things halfway. If you kept me at all—you’d keep me.” She dropped her head wearily on her hand and sat with her forehead resting on her fingers.
Thea looked up, and when she saw Fred’s face, she thought sadly that he looked like things were ruined for him too. “If you really know me like you say you do, Fred,” she said slowly, “then you’re not being honest with yourself. You know I can’t do things halfway. If you wanted to keep me at all, you would keep me.” She dropped her head wearily onto her hand and sat with her forehead resting on her fingers.
Fred leaned over her and said just above his breath, “Then, when I get that divorce, you’ll take it up with me again? You’ll at least let me know, warn me, before there is a serious question of anybody else?”
Fred leaned over her and said just above a whisper, “So, once I get that divorce, you’ll talk to me again? You’ll at least give me a heads up, let me know, before it becomes a serious issue with someone else?”
Without lifting her head, Thea answered him. “Oh, I don’t think there will ever be a question of anybody else. Not if I can help it. I suppose I’ve given you every reason to think there will be,—at once, on shipboard, any time.”
Without lifting her head, Thea answered him. “Oh, I don’t think anyone else will ever be a question. Not if I can help it. I guess I’ve given you every reason to believe that there will be—on the ship, anytime.”
Ottenburg drew himself up like a shot. “Stop it, Thea!” he said sharply. “That’s one thing you’ve never done. That’s like any common woman.” He saw her shoulders lift a little and grow calm. Then he went to the other side of the room and took up his hat and gloves from the sofa. He came back cheerfully. “I didn’t drop in to bully you this afternoon. I came to coax you to go out for tea with me somewhere.” He waited, but she did not look up or lift her head, still sunk on her hand.
Ottenburg straightened up immediately. “Stop it, Thea!” he said sharply. “That’s something you’ve never done. That’s something a regular woman would do.” He noticed her shoulders relax a bit and calm down. Then he walked to the other side of the room and picked up his hat and gloves from the sofa. He returned with a cheerful demeanor. “I didn’t come here to boss you around this afternoon. I came to persuade you to go out for tea with me somewhere.” He paused, but she didn’t look up or raise her head, still resting on her hand.
Her handkerchief had fallen. Fred picked it up and put it on her knee, pressing her fingers over it. “Good-night, dear and wonderful,” he whispered,—“wonderful and dear! How can you ever get away from me when I will always follow you, through every wall, through every door, wherever you go.” He looked down at her bent head, and the curve of her neck that was so sad. He stooped, and with his lips just touched her hair where the firelight made it ruddiest. “I didn’t know I had it in me, Thea. I thought it was all a fairy tale. I don’t know myself any more.” He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “The salt’s all gone out of your hair. It’s full of sun and wind again. I believe it has memories.” Again she heard him take a deep breath. “I could do without you for a lifetime, if that would give you to yourself. A woman like you doesn’t find herself, alone.”
Her handkerchief had dropped. Fred picked it up and placed it on her knee, pressing her fingers over it. “Good night, my dear and amazing,” he whispered, “amazing and dear! How can you ever escape from me when I will always follow you, through every wall, through every door, wherever you go?” He looked down at her bowed head and the sad curve of her neck. He leaned down and gently kissed her hair where the firelight made it glow. “I didn’t know I had this in me, Thea. I thought it was all just a fairy tale. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The salt’s all gone from your hair. It’s full of sunshine and wind again. I believe it has memories.” Again, she heard him take a deep breath. “I could go without you for a lifetime if that would give you back to yourself. A woman like you doesn’t find herself alone.”
She thrust her free hand up to him. He kissed it softly, as if she were asleep and he were afraid of waking her.
She lifted her free hand to him. He kissed it gently, as if she were asleep and he was afraid of waking her up.
From the door he turned back irrelevantly. “As to your old friend, Thea, if he’s to be here on Friday, why,”—he snatched out his watch and held it down to catch the light from the grate,—“he’s on the train now! That ought to cheer you. Good-night.” She heard the door close.
From the door, he turned back casually. “Regarding your old friend, Thea, if he’s supposed to be here on Friday, well,”—he pulled out his watch and held it up to catch the light from the fireplace,—“he’s on the train right now! That should make you happy. Good night.” She heard the door shut.
III
On Friday afternoon Thea Kronborg was walking excitedly up and down her sitting-room, which at that hour was flooded by thin, clear sunshine. Both windows were open, and the fire in the grate was low, for the day was one of those false springs that sometimes blow into New York from the sea in the middle of winter, soft, warm, with a persuasive salty moisture in the air and a relaxing thaw under foot. Thea was flushed and animated, and she seemed as restless as the sooty sparrows that chirped and cheeped distractingly about the windows. She kept looking at the black clock, and then down into the Square. The room was full of flowers, and she stopped now and then to arrange them or to move them into the sunlight. After the bellboy came to announce a visitor, she took some Roman hyacinths from a glass and stuck them in the front of her dark-blue dress.
On Friday afternoon, Thea Kronborg was pacing excitedly back and forth in her living room, which at that moment was filled with bright, clear sunshine. Both windows were open, and the fire in the fireplace was low because it was one of those false spring days that occasionally sweep into New York from the sea in the middle of winter—soft, warm, with a tempting salty moisture in the air and a comforting thaw underfoot. Thea was flushed and lively, appearing as restless as the sooty sparrows that chirped and tweeted distractingly around the windows. She kept glancing at the black clock and then down into the Square. The room was filled with flowers, and she paused now and then to rearrange them or move them into the sunlight. After the bellboy arrived to announce a visitor, she took some Roman hyacinths from a vase and tucked them into the front of her dark-blue dress.
When at last Fred Ottenburg appeared in the doorway, she met him with an exclamation of pleasure. “I am glad you’ve come, Fred. I was afraid you might not get my note, and I wanted to see you before you see Dr. Archie. He’s so nice!” She brought her hands together to emphasize her statement.
When Fred Ottenburg finally showed up in the doorway, she greeted him with a happy exclamation. “I’m so glad you’re here, Fred. I was worried you might not get my note, and I wanted to see you before you met Dr. Archie. He’s really nice!” She brought her hands together to stress her point.
“Is he? I’m glad. You see I’m quite out of breath. I didn’t wait for the elevator, but ran upstairs. I was so pleased at being sent for.” He dropped his hat and overcoat. “Yes, I should say he is nice! I don’t seem to recognize all of these,” waving his handkerchief about at the flowers.
“Is he? I’m happy to hear that. You see, I’m really out of breath. I didn’t wait for the elevator; I ran upstairs. I was so excited to be called for.” He dropped his hat and coat. “Yes, I would say he’s great! I don’t really recognize all of these,” he said, waving his handkerchief at the flowers.
“Yes, he brought them himself, in a big box. He brought lots with him besides flowers. Oh, lots of things! The old Moonstone feeling,”—Thea moved her hand back and forth in the air, fluttering her fingers,—“the feeling of starting out, early in the morning, to take my lesson.”
“Yes, he brought them himself, in a big box. He brought a ton of stuff besides flowers. Oh, so many things! The old Moonstone feeling,”—Thea waved her hand back and forth in the air, fluttering her fingers,—“the feeling of setting out, early in the morning, to take my lesson.”
“And you’ve had everything out with him?”
"And you've talked everything out with him?"
“No, I haven’t.”
“Nope, I haven’t.”
“Haven’t?” He looked up in consternation.
“Haven’t?” He looked up in dismay.
“No, I haven’t!” Thea spoke excitedly, moving about over the sunny patches on the grimy carpet. “I’ve lied to him, just as you said I had always lied to him, and that’s why I’m so happy. I’ve let him think what he likes to think. Oh, I couldn’t do anything else, Fred,”—she shook her head emphatically. “If you’d seen him when he came in, so pleased and excited! You see this is a great adventure for him. From the moment I began to talk to him, he entreated me not to say too much, not to spoil his notion of me. Not in so many words, of course. But if you’d seen his eyes, his face, his kind hands! Oh, no! I couldn’t.” She took a deep breath, as if with a renewed sense of her narrow escape.
“No, I haven’t!” Thea said excitedly, moving around in the sunny spots on the dirty carpet. “I’ve lied to him, just like you said I always have, and that’s why I’m so happy. I’ve let him believe whatever he wants. Oh, I couldn’t do anything else, Fred,”—she shook her head vigorously. “If you had seen him when he came in, looking so pleased and excited! You see, this is a big adventure for him. From the moment I started talking to him, he urged me not to say too much, not to ruin his idea of me. Not in those exact words, of course. But if you’d seen his eyes, his face, his gentle hands! Oh, no! I couldn’t.” She took a deep breath, as if feeling grateful for her lucky escape.
“Then, what did you tell him?” Fred demanded.
“Then, what did you say to him?” Fred asked.
Thea sat down on the edge of the sofa and began shutting and opening her hands nervously. “Well, I told him enough, and not too much. I told him all about how good you were to me last winter, getting me engagements and things, and how you had helped me with my work more than anybody. Then I told him about how you sent me down to the ranch when I had no money or anything.” She paused and wrinkled her forehead. “And I told him that I wanted to marry you and ran away to Mexico with you, and that I was awfully happy until you told me that you couldn’t marry me because—well, I told him why.” Thea dropped her eyes and moved the toe of her shoe about restlessly on the carpet.
Thea sat down on the edge of the sofa and started nervously opening and closing her hands. “Well, I told him enough without saying too much. I shared how great you were to me last winter, getting me gigs and everything, and how you helped me with my work more than anyone else. Then I mentioned how you sent me to the ranch when I was broke and had nothing.” She paused and frowned. “And I told him that I wanted to marry you and ran off to Mexico with you, and that I was incredibly happy until you told me you couldn’t marry me because—well, I explained why.” Thea dropped her gaze and shifted the toe of her shoe restlessly on the carpet.
“And he took it from you, like that?” Fred asked, almost with awe.
“And he took it from you, just like that?” Fred asked, almost in awe.
“Yes, just like that, and asked no questions. He was hurt; he had some wretched moments. I could see him squirming and squirming and trying to get past it. He kept shutting his eyes and rubbing his forehead. But when I told him that I absolutely knew you wanted to marry me, that you would whenever you could, that seemed to help him a good deal.”
“Yes, just like that, and didn’t ask any questions. He was hurt; he had some really tough moments. I could see him squirming and trying to push through it. He kept shutting his eyes and rubbing his forehead. But when I told him that I definitely knew you wanted to marry me, that you would as soon as you had the chance, that seemed to help him a lot.”
“And that satisfied him?” Fred asked wonderingly. He could not quite imagine what kind of person Dr. Archie might be.
“And that satisfied him?” Fred asked in amazement. He couldn’t quite picture what kind of person Dr. Archie might be.
“He took me by the shoulders once and asked, oh, in such a frightened way, ‘Thea, was he good to you, this young man?’ When I told him you were, he looked at me again: ‘And you care for him a great deal, you believe in him?’ Then he seemed satisfied.” Thea paused. “You see, he’s just tremendously good, and tremendously afraid of things—of some things. Otherwise he would have got rid of Mrs. Archie.” She looked up suddenly: “You were right, though; one can’t tell people about things they don’t know already.”
“He took me by the shoulders once and asked, in such a scared way, ‘Thea, was he good to you, this young man?’ When I told him you were, he looked at me again: ‘And you care for him a lot, you believe in him?’ Then he seemed satisfied.” Thea paused. “You see, he’s just incredibly good, and really afraid of things—of certain things. Otherwise, he would have gotten rid of Mrs. Archie.” She looked up suddenly: “You were right, though; you can’t tell people about things they don’t already know.”
Fred stood in the window, his back to the sunlight, fingering the jonquils. “Yes, you can, my dear. But you must tell it in such a way that they don’t know you’re telling it, and that they don’t know they’re hearing it.”
Fred stood by the window, his back to the sunlight, touching the jonquils. “Yes, you can, my dear. But you have to tell it in a way that they don’t know you’re telling it, and that they don’t realize they’re hearing it.”
Thea smiled past him, out into the air. “I see. It’s a secret. Like the sound in the shell.”
Thea smiled past him, into the open air. “Got it. It’s a secret. Like the sound in a seashell.”
“What’s that?” Fred was watching her and thinking how moving that faraway expression, in her, happened to be. “What did you say?”
“What’s that?” Fred was watching her and thinking about how touching that distant look on her face was. “What did you say?”
She came back. “Oh, something old and Moonstony! I have almost forgotten it myself. But I feel better than I thought I ever could again. I can’t wait to be off. Oh, Fred,” she sprang up, “I want to get at it!”
She returned. “Oh, something old and Moonstony! I almost forgot about it myself. But I'm feeling better than I ever thought I could again. I can’t wait to get started. Oh, Fred,” she jumped up, “I’m excited to dive in!”
As she broke out with this, she threw up her head and lifted herself a little on her toes. Fred colored and looked at her fearfully, hesitatingly. Her eyes, which looked out through the window, were bright—they had no memories. No, she did not remember. That momentary elevation had no associations for her. It was unconscious.
As she said this, she raised her head and stood up a bit on her toes. Fred blushed and looked at her anxiously, uncertainly. Her eyes, which were gazing out the window, were bright—they held no memories. No, she didn't remember. That brief uplift had no connections for her. It was instinctive.
He looked her up and down and laughed and shook his head. “You are just all I want you to be—and that is,—not for me! Don’t worry, you’ll get at it. You are at it. My God! have you ever, for one moment, been at anything else?”
He looked her over and laughed, shaking his head. “You are exactly what I want you to be—and that is,—not for me! Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. You’re already working on it. My God! have you ever, even for a second, been focused on anything else?”
Thea did not answer him, and clearly she had not heard him. She was watching something out in the thin light of the false spring and its treacherously soft air.
Thea didn't respond to him, and it was obvious she hadn't heard him. She was focused on something in the dim light of the fake spring and its deceptively mild air.
Fred waited a moment. “Are you going to dine with your friend to-night?”
Fred waited a moment. “Are you going to have dinner with your friend tonight?”
“Yes. He has never been in New York before. He wants to go about. Where shall I tell him to go?”
“Yes. He’s never been to New York before. He wants to explore. Where should I suggest he go?”
“Wouldn’t it be a better plan, since you wish me to meet him, for you both to dine with me? It would seem only natural and friendly. You’ll have to live up a little to his notion of us.” Thea seemed to consider the suggestion favorably. “If you wish him to be easy in his mind,” Fred went on, “that would help. I think, myself, that we are rather nice together. Put on one of the new dresses you got down there, and let him see how lovely you can be. You owe him some pleasure, after all the trouble he has taken.”
“Wouldn’t it be a better idea, since you want me to meet him, for both of you to have dinner with me? That seems only natural and friendly. You’ll have to adapt a bit to his view of us.” Thea appeared to think the suggestion over positively. “If you want him to feel relaxed,” Fred continued, “that would help. I personally think we get along quite well. Wear one of those new dresses you got down there, and show him how beautiful you can be. You owe him some enjoyment after all the effort he’s put in.”
Thea laughed, and seemed to find the idea exciting and pleasant. “Oh, very well! I’ll do my best. Only don’t wear a dress coat, please. He hasn’t one, and he’s nervous about it.”
Thea laughed, clearly finding the idea exciting and enjoyable. “Alright then! I’ll do my best. Just please don’t wear a dress coat. He doesn’t have one, and it makes him nervous.”
Fred looked at his watch. “Your monument up there is fast. I’ll be here with a cab at eight. I’m anxious to meet him. You’ve given me the strangest idea of his callow innocence and aged indifference.”
Fred checked his watch. “Your monument up there is running fast. I’ll be here with a cab at eight. I can’t wait to meet him. You’ve given me the weirdest impression of his youthful innocence and old indifference.”
She shook her head. “No, he’s none of that. He’s very good, and he won’t admit things. I love him for it. Now, as I look back on it, I see that I’ve always, even when I was little, shielded him.”
She shook her head. “No, he’s none of that. He’s really good, and he won’t own up to things. I love him for that. Now, looking back, I realize I’ve always, even when I was a kid, protected him.”
As she laughed, Fred caught the bright spark in her eye that he knew so well, and held it for a happy instant. Then he blew her a kiss with his finger-tips and fled.
As she laughed, Fred noticed the familiar sparkle in her eye and cherished it for a joyful moment. Then he blew her a kiss with his fingertips and quickly ran away.
IV
At nine o’clock that evening our three friends were seated in the balcony of a French restaurant, much gayer and more intimate than any that exists in New York to-day. This old restaurant was built by a lover of pleasure, who knew that to dine gayly human beings must have the reassurance of certain limitations of space and of a certain definite style; that the walls must be near enough to suggest shelter, the ceiling high enough to give the chandeliers a setting. The place was crowded with the kind of people who dine late and well, and Dr. Archie, as he watched the animated groups in the long room below the balcony, found this much the most festive scene he had ever looked out upon. He said to himself, in a jovial mood somewhat sustained by the cheer of the board, that this evening alone was worth his long journey. He followed attentively the orchestra, ensconced at the farther end of the balcony, and told Thea it made him feel “quite musical” to recognize “The Invitation to the Dance” or “The Blue Danube,” and that he could remember just what kind of day it was when he heard her practicing them at home, and lingered at the gate to listen.
At nine o’clock that evening, our three friends were sitting on the balcony of a French restaurant, much livelier and more intimate than any place in New York today. This old restaurant was created by someone who loved to enjoy life, who understood that to dine joyfully, people need the comfort of certain limits in space and a specific style; the walls should be close enough to feel cozy, and the ceiling should be high enough to provide a nice backdrop for the chandeliers. The place was packed with people who enjoy dining late and well, and Dr. Archie, while watching the lively groups in the long room below the balcony, thought this was the most festive scene he had ever seen. In a cheerful mood, boosted by the good food, he told himself that this evening alone was worth his long trip. He listened closely to the orchestra situated at the far end of the balcony and told Thea it made him feel “quite musical” to recognize pieces like “The Invitation to the Dance” or “The Blue Danube,” and that he could remember exactly what kind of day it was when he heard her practicing those songs at home, pausing at the gate to listen.
For the first few moments, when he was introduced to young Ottenburg in the parlor of the Everett House, the doctor had been awkward and unbending. But Fred, as his father had often observed, “was not a good mixer for nothing.” He had brought Dr. Archie around during the short cab ride, and in an hour they had become old friends.
For the first few moments after he met young Ottenburg in the parlor of the Everett House, the doctor was stiff and uncomfortable. But Fred, as his father often said, “was not a bad conversationalist for nothing.” He had quickly warmed up Dr. Archie during the brief cab ride, and within an hour, they were like old friends.
From the moment when the doctor lifted his glass and, looking consciously at Thea, said, “To your success,” Fred liked him. He felt his quality; understood his courage in some directions and what Thea called his timidity in others, his unspent and miraculously preserved youthfulness. Men could never impose upon the doctor, he guessed, but women always could. Fred liked, too, the doctor’s manner with Thea, his bashful admiration and the little hesitancy by which he betrayed his consciousness of the change in her. It was just this change that, at present, interested Fred more than anything else. That, he felt, was his “created value,” and it was his best chance for any peace of mind. If that were not real, obvious to an old friend like Archie, then he cut a very poor figure, indeed.
From the moment the doctor raised his glass and, looking intentionally at Thea, said, “To your success,” Fred liked him. He appreciated his character; he recognized his bravery in some areas and what Thea referred to as his shyness in others, along with his untouched and remarkably preserved youthful spirit. Fred guessed that men could never pull one over on the doctor, but women always could. He also liked the way the doctor interacted with Thea, his awkward admiration and the slight hesitation that showed he was aware of how she had changed. It was precisely this change that intrigued Fred more than anything else right now. He felt it was his “created value,” and it represented his best chance for peace of mind. If that wasn’t real, clear to an old friend like Archie, then he really didn’t look good at all.
Fred got a good deal, too, out of their talk about Moonstone. From her questions and the doctor’s answers he was able to form some conception of the little world that was almost the measure of Thea’s experience, the one bit of the human drama that she had followed with sympathy and understanding. As the two ran over the list of their friends, the mere sound of a name seemed to recall volumes to each of them, to indicate mines of knowledge and observation they had in common. At some names they laughed delightedly, at some indulgently and even tenderly.
Fred also got a good insight from their conversation about Moonstone. Through her questions and the doctor's answers, he managed to understand a bit of the small world that shaped Thea’s experiences, the one aspect of human drama she had followed with empathy and insight. As they went through their list of friends, just hearing a name seemed to bring back countless memories for both of them, suggesting shared knowledge and observations. They laughed joyfully at some names, and at others, they smiled with indulgence and even affection.
“You two young people must come out to Moonstone when Thea gets back,” the doctor said hospitably.
“You two should come out to Moonstone when Thea gets back,” the doctor said warmly.
“Oh, we shall!” Fred caught it up. “I’m keen to know all these people. It is very tantalizing to hear only their names.”
“Oh, we will!” Fred chimed in. “I’m excited to meet all these people. It’s really tempting to just hear their names.”
“Would they interest an outsider very much, do you think, Dr. Archie?” Thea leaned toward him. “Isn’t it only because we’ve known them since I was little?”
“Do you think an outsider would find them very interesting, Dr. Archie?” Thea leaned closer to him. “Isn’t it just because we’ve known them since I was a child?”
The doctor glanced at her deferentially. Fred had noticed that he seemed a little afraid to look at her squarely—perhaps a trifle embarrassed by a mode of dress to which he was unaccustomed. “Well, you are practically an outsider yourself, Thea, now,” he observed smiling. “Oh, I know,” he went on quickly in response to her gesture of protest,—“I know you don’t change toward your old friends, but you can see us all from a distance now. It’s all to your advantage that you can still take your old interest, isn’t it, Mr. Ottenburg?”
The doctor looked at her respectfully. Fred noticed that he seemed a bit hesitant to look her in the eye—maybe a little embarrassed by the way she was dressed, which was unfamiliar to him. “Well, you’re pretty much an outsider now, Thea,” he said with a smile. “Oh, I know,” he quickly added in response to her gesture of protest, “I know you don’t change towards your old friends, but you can see all of us from a distance now. It’s definitely to your advantage that you can still take an interest in us, right, Mr. Ottenburg?”
“That’s exactly one of her advantages, Dr. Archie. Nobody can ever take that away from her, and none of us who came later can ever hope to rival Moonstone in the impression we make. Her scale of values will always be the Moonstone scale. And, with an artist, that is an advantage.” Fred nodded.
"That's one of her main advantages, Dr. Archie. Nobody can take that away from her, and none of us who came after can hope to match Moonstone in the impression we make. Her value system will always be the Moonstone standard. And, for an artist, that is an advantage." Fred nodded.
Dr. Archie looked at him seriously. “You mean it keeps them from getting affected?”
Dr. Archie looked at him seriously. “You mean it prevents them from getting affected?”
“Yes; keeps them from getting off the track generally.”
“Yes, it keeps them from going off track in general.”
While the waiter filled the glasses, Fred pointed out to Thea a big black French barytone who was eating anchovies by their tails at one of the tables below, and the doctor looked about and studied his fellow diners.
While the waiter filled the glasses, Fred pointed out to Thea a big, dark-skinned French barytone who was eating anchovies by the tails at one of the tables below, and the doctor looked around and observed his fellow diners.
“Do you know, Mr. Ottenburg,” he said deeply, “these people all look happier to me than our Western people do. Is it simply good manners on their part, or do they get more out of life?”
“Do you know, Mr. Ottenburg,” he said earnestly, “these people all seem happier to me than our Western people do. Is it just good manners on their part, or do they enjoy life more?”
Fred laughed to Thea above the glass he had just lifted. “Some of them are getting a good deal out of it now, doctor. This is the hour when bench-joy brightens.”
Fred laughed to Thea over the glass he had just lifted. “Some of them are really benefiting from it now, doctor. This is the time when bench-joy shines.”
Thea chuckled and darted him a quick glance. “Benchjoy! Where did you get that slang?”
Thea laughed and shot him a quick look. “Benchjoy! Where did you hear that slang?”
“That happens to be very old slang, my dear. Older than Moonstone or the sovereign State of Colorado. Our old friend Mr. Nathanmeyer could tell us why it happens to hit you.” He leaned forward and touched Thea’s wrist, “See that fur coat just coming in, Thea. It’s D’Albert. He’s just back from his Western tour. Fine head, hasn’t he?”
“That’s some really old slang, my dear. Older than Moonstone or the state of Colorado. Our old friend Mr. Nathanmeyer could explain why it affects you.” He leaned forward and touched Thea’s wrist, “Check out that fur coat coming in, Thea. It’s D’Albert. He just got back from his Western tour. Nice look, right?”
“To go back,” said Dr. Archie; “I insist that people do look happier here. I’ve noticed it even on the street, and especially in the hotels.”
“To go back,” Dr. Archie said; “I really think people seem happier here. I’ve seen it even on the street, and especially in the hotels.”
Fred turned to him cheerfully. “New York people live a good deal in the fourth dimension, Dr. Archie. It’s that you notice in their faces.”
Fred turned to him with a smile. “People from New York really live in the fourth dimension, Dr. Archie. You can see it in their faces.”
The doctor was interested. “The fourth dimension,” he repeated slowly; “and is that slang, too?”
The doctor was curious. “The fourth dimension,” he said slowly; “is that slang as well?”
“No,”—Fred shook his head,—“that’s merely a figure. I mean that life is not quite so personal here as it is in your part of the world. People are more taken up by hobbies, interests that are less subject to reverses than their personal affairs. If you’re interested in Thea’s voice, for instance, or in voices in general, that interest is just the same, even if your mining stocks go down.”
“No,” Fred shook his head, “that’s just a figure of speech. What I mean is that life isn’t as personal here as it is where you come from. People are more focused on hobbies and interests that are less affected by setbacks than their personal lives. For example, if you’re interested in Thea’s voice or voices in general, that interest remains the same, even if your mining stocks drop.”
The doctor looked at him narrowly. “You think that’s about the principal difference between country people and city people, don’t you?”
The doctor examined him closely. “You believe that’s the main difference between country folks and city folks, right?”
Fred was a little disconcerted at being followed up so resolutely, and he attempted to dismiss it with a pleasantry. “I’ve never thought much about it, doctor. But I should say, on the spur of the moment, that that is one of the principal differences between people anywhere. It’s the consolation of fellows like me who don’t accomplish much. The fourth dimension is not good for business, but we think we have a better time.”
Fred felt a bit uneasy about being followed so closely, and he tried to brush it off with a joke. “I’ve never given it much thought, doctor. But I’d say, right off the bat, that’s one of the main differences between people everywhere. It’s the comfort for guys like me who don’t achieve much. The fourth dimension isn’t great for business, but we believe we have a better time.”
Dr. Archie leaned back in his chair. His heavy shoulders were contemplative. “And she,” he said slowly; “should you say that she is one of the kind you refer to?” He inclined his head toward the shimmer of the pale-green dress beside him. Thea was leaning, just then, over the balcony rail, her head in the light from the chandeliers below.
Dr. Archie leaned back in his chair, his broad shoulders thoughtful. “And her,” he said slowly, “would you say she's one of the ones you’re talking about?” He nodded toward the shimmer of the pale-green dress next to him. Thea was leaning over the balcony rail, her head bathed in the light from the chandeliers below.
“Never, never!” Fred protested. “She’s as hard-headed as the worst of you—with a difference.”
“Never, never!” Fred protested. “She’s just as stubborn as any of you—only different.”
The doctor sighed. “Yes, with a difference; something that makes a good many revolutions to the second. When she was little I used to feel her head to try to locate it.”
The doctor sighed. “Yeah, but it's different; something that makes a lot of revolutions per second. When she was little, I used to feel her head to try to find it.”
Fred laughed. “Did you, though? So you were on the track of it? Oh, it’s there! We can’t get round it, miss,” as Thea looked back inquiringly. “Dr. Archie, there’s a fellow townsman of yours I feel a real kinship for.” He pressed a cigar upon Dr. Archie and struck a match for him. “Tell me about Spanish Johnny.”
Fred laughed. “Really? So you were on to it? Oh, it’s definitely there! We can’t avoid it, miss,” he said as Thea looked back with curiosity. “Dr. Archie, there’s someone from your town I really connect with.” He handed a cigar to Dr. Archie and lit it for him. “Tell me about Spanish Johnny.”
The doctor smiled benignantly through the first waves of smoke. “Well, Johnny’s an old patient of mine, and he’s an old admirer of Thea’s. She was born a cosmopolitan, and I expect she learned a good deal from Johnny when she used to run away and go to Mexican Town. We thought it a queer freak then.”
The doctor smiled kindly through the first clouds of smoke. “Well, Johnny’s been one of my patients for a long time, and he’s always had a crush on Thea. She was born a city girl, and I guess she learned a lot from Johnny when she used to sneak off to Mexican Town. We thought it was a strange thing back then.”
The doctor launched into a long story, in which he was often eagerly interrupted or joyously confirmed by Thea, who was drinking her coffee and forcing open the petals of the roses with an ardent and rather rude hand. Fred settled down into enjoying his comprehension of his guests. Thea, watching Dr. Archie and interested in his presentation, was unconsciously impersonating her suave, gold-tinted friend. It was delightful to see her so radiant and responsive again. She had kept her promise about looking her best; when one could so easily get together the colors of an apple branch in early spring, that was not hard to do. Even Dr. Archie felt, each time he looked at her, a fresh consciousness. He recognized the fine texture of her mother’s skin, with the difference that, when she reached across the table to give him a bunch of grapes, her arm was not only white, but somehow a little dazzling. She seemed to him taller, and freer in all her movements. She had now a way of taking a deep breath when she was interested, that made her seem very strong, somehow, and brought her at one quite overpoweringly. If he seemed shy, it was not that he was intimidated by her worldly clothes, but that her greater positiveness, her whole augmented self, made him feel that his accustomed manner toward her was inadequate.
The doctor started telling a lengthy story, often eagerly interrupted or happily confirmed by Thea, who was sipping her coffee and playfully tugging at the petals of the roses with an eager, slightly rough hand. Fred settled in to enjoy his understanding of his guests. Thea, watching Dr. Archie and interested in what he was saying, was unknowingly mimicking her charming, golden-haired friend. It was wonderful to see her so bright and engaged again. She had kept her promise to look her best; it was easy to bring together the colors of an apple branch in early spring, after all. Even Dr. Archie felt a fresh awareness every time he looked at her. He recognized the soft texture of her mother’s skin, but when she reached across the table to hand him a bunch of grapes, her arm was not just white, but somehow a bit dazzling. She seemed taller and more graceful in all her movements. Now, when she took a deep breath because she was interested, it made her seem very strong and a bit overwhelming. If he appeared shy, it wasn’t because he was intimidated by her stylish clothes, but because her newfound confidence and her enhanced presence made him feel that his usual way of interacting with her wasn’t quite enough.
Fred, on his part, was reflecting that the awkward position in which he had placed her would not confine or chafe her long. She looked about at other people, at other women, curiously. She was not quite sure of herself, but she was not in the least afraid or apologetic. She seemed to sit there on the edge, emerging from one world into another, taking her bearings, getting an idea of the concerted movement about her, but with absolute self-confidence. So far from shrinking, she expanded. The mere kindly effort to please Dr. Archie was enough to bring her out.
Fred was thinking that the awkward situation he had put her in wouldn't hold her back for long. She glanced around at other people and women with curiosity. She wasn't entirely sure of herself, but she wasn't afraid or apologetic at all. It was like she was sitting on the edge, stepping from one world into another, figuring out her surroundings, and getting a sense of the energy around her, all while radiating confidence. Instead of shrinking back, she seemed to grow. Just the simple, kind intention to impress Dr. Archie was enough to draw her out.
There was much talk of aurae at that time, and Fred mused that every beautiful, every compellingly beautiful woman, had an aura, whether other people did or no. There was, certainly, about the woman he had brought up from Mexico, such an emanation. She existed in more space than she occupied by measurement. The enveloping air about her head and shoulders was subsidized—was more moving than she herself, for in it lived the awakenings, all the first sweetness that life kills in people. One felt in her such a wealth of Jugendzeit, all those flowers of the mind and the blood that bloom and perish by the myriad in the few exhaustless years when the imagination first kindles. It was in watching her as she emerged like this, in being near and not too near, that one got, for a moment, so much that one had lost; among other legendary things the legendary theme of the absolutely magical power of a beautiful woman.
There was a lot of talk about auras at that time, and Fred pondered that every beautiful woman, truly captivating in her beauty, had an aura, regardless of whether anyone else did. There was indeed something special about the woman he had brought up from Mexico; she seemed to exist in more space than her physical dimensions. The air surrounding her head and shoulders was alive—more captivating than she herself, as it held the awakenings, all the initial sweetness that life tends to extinguish in people. In her, one sensed an abundance of Jugendzeit, all those vibrant thoughts and passions that flourish and fade by the millions in the few rich years when imagination first ignites. It was while watching her as she emerged like this, being close yet not too close, that one briefly reclaimed so much that had been lost; among other mythical things, the legendary notion of the truly magical effect of a beautiful woman.
After they had left Thea at her hotel, Dr. Archie admitted to Fred, as they walked up Broadway through the rapidly chilling air, that once before he had seen their young friend flash up into a more potent self, but in a darker mood. It was in his office one night, when she was at home the summer before last. “And then I got the idea,” he added simply, “that she would not live like other people: that, for better or worse, she had uncommon gifts.”
After they dropped Thea off at her hotel, Dr. Archie told Fred, as they walked up Broadway through the quickly cooling air, that he had seen their young friend tap into a more powerful side of herself before, but it was in a darker mood. It happened in his office one night when she was home the summer before last. “And then I got the idea,” he said simply, “that she wouldn’t live like other people: that, for better or worse, she had extraordinary gifts.”
“Oh, we’ll see that it’s for better, you and I,” Fred reassured him. “Won’t you come up to my hotel with me? I think we ought to have a long talk.”
“Oh, we’ll see that it’s for the best, you and I,” Fred reassured him. “Why don’t you come up to my hotel with me? I think we should have a long talk.”
“Yes, indeed,” said Dr. Archie gratefully; “I think we ought.”
“Yes, definitely,” said Dr. Archie gratefully; “I think we should.”
V
Thea was to sail on Tuesday, at noon, and on Saturday Fred Ottenburg arranged for her passage, while she and Dr. Archie went shopping. With rugs and sea-clothes she was already provided; Fred had got everything of that sort she needed for the voyage up from Vera Cruz. On Sunday afternoon Thea went to see the Harsanyis. When she returned to her hotel, she found a note from Ottenburg, saying that he had called and would come again to-morrow.
Thea was set to sail on Tuesday at noon, and on Saturday Fred Ottenburg made arrangements for her passage while she and Dr. Archie went shopping. She was already equipped with rugs and sea clothes; Fred had gotten all that stuff she needed for the trip from Vera Cruz. On Sunday afternoon, Thea visited the Harsanyis. When she came back to her hotel, she found a note from Ottenburg, saying that he had stopped by and would come again tomorrow.
On Monday morning, while she was at breakfast, Fred came in. She knew by his hurried, distracted air as he entered the dining-room that something had gone wrong. He had just got a telegram from home. His mother had been thrown from her carriage and hurt; a concussion of some sort, and she was unconscious. He was leaving for St. Louis that night on the eleven o’clock train. He had a great deal to attend to during the day. He would come that evening, if he might, and stay with her until train time, while she was doing her packing. Scarcely waiting for her consent, he hurried away.
On Monday morning, while she was having breakfast, Fred walked in. She could tell from his rushed, distracted look as he entered the dining room that something was wrong. He had just received a telegram from home. His mother had been thrown from her carriage and was hurt; she had some kind of concussion, and she was unconscious. He was leaving for St. Louis that night on the eleven o’clock train. He had a lot to take care of during the day. He wanted to come back that evening, if it was okay, and stay with her until it was time to catch the train while she packed. Barely waiting for her reply, he rushed off.
All day Thea was somewhat cast down. She was sorry for Fred, and she missed the feeling that she was the one person in his mind. He had scarcely looked at her when they exchanged words at the breakfast-table. She felt as if she were set aside, and she did not seem so important even to herself as she had yesterday. Certainly, she reflected, it was high time that she began to take care of herself again. Dr. Archie came for dinner, but she sent him away early, telling him that she would be ready to go to the boat with him at half-past ten the next morning. When she went upstairs, she looked gloomily at the open trunk in her sitting-room, and at the trays piled on the sofa. She stood at the window and watched a quiet snowstorm spending itself over the city. More than anything else, falling snow always made her think of Moonstone; of the Kohlers’ garden, of Thor’s sled, of dressing by lamplight and starting off to school before the paths were broken.
All day, Thea felt a bit down. She felt bad for Fred, and she missed being the person he was focused on. He barely even looked at her when they spoke at breakfast. She felt pushed aside, and she didn’t seem as important to herself as she did yesterday. She realized it was definitely time to start taking care of herself again. Dr. Archie came for dinner, but she sent him away early, telling him she’d be ready to go to the boat with him at 10:30 the next morning. When she went upstairs, she gloomily looked at the open trunk in her sitting room and the trays piled on the sofa. She stood by the window and watched a quiet snowstorm unfolding over the city. More than anything, falling snow always reminded her of Moonstone; of the Kohlers’ garden, of Thor’s sled, of getting dressed by lamplight, and leaving for school before the paths were cleared.
When Fred came, he looked tired, and he took her hand almost without seeing her.
When Fred arrived, he seemed worn out, and he took her hand almost without noticing her.
“I’m so sorry, Fred. Have you had any more word?”
“I’m really sorry, Fred. Have you heard anything else?”
“She was still unconscious at four this afternoon. It doesn’t look very encouraging.” He approached the fire and warmed his hands. He seemed to have contracted, and he had not at all his habitual ease of manner. “Poor mother!” he exclaimed; “nothing like this should have happened to her. She has so much pride of person. She’s not at all an old woman, you know. She’s never got beyond vigorous and rather dashing middle age.” He turned abruptly to Thea and for the first time really looked at her. “How badly things come out! She’d have liked you for a daughter-in-law. Oh, you’d have fought like the devil, but you’d have respected each other.” He sank into a chair and thrust his feet out to the fire. “Still,” he went on thoughtfully, seeming to address the ceiling, “it might have been bad for you. Our big German houses, our good German cooking—you might have got lost in the upholstery. That substantial comfort might take the temper out of you, dull your edge. Yes,” he sighed, “I guess you were meant for the jolt of the breakers.”
“She was still unconscious at four this afternoon. It doesn’t look very encouraging.” He moved closer to the fire and warmed his hands. He seemed more tense than usual and didn’t have his typical calm demeanor. “Poor mom!” he exclaimed; “nothing like this should have happened to her. She takes such pride in herself. She’s not really an old woman, you know. She’s still in the prime of life, with a youthful and somewhat daring spirit.” He suddenly turned to Thea and really looked at her for the first time. “How unfortunate everything has turned out! She would have liked you as a daughter-in-law. Oh, you’d have clashed like crazy, but you would have respected each other.” He sank into a chair and stretched his feet out to the fire. “Still,” he continued thoughtfully, as if talking to the ceiling, “it might have been tough for you. Our big German homes, our hearty German meals—you might have felt overwhelmed by it all. That kind of comfort could dull your sharpness. Yes,” he sighed, “I suppose you were meant for the thrill of the waves.”
“I guess I’ll get plenty of jolt,” Thea murmured, turning to her trunk.
“I guess I’ll get a lot of energy,” Thea murmured, turning to her trunk.
“I’m rather glad I’m not staying over until to-morrow,” Fred reflected. “I think it’s easier for me to glide out like this. I feel now as if everything were rather casual, anyhow. A thing like that dulls one’s feelings.”
“I’m pretty glad I’m not staying over until tomorrow,” Fred thought. “I think it’s easier for me to just slip out like this. I feel like everything is kind of casual, anyway. Something like that can really dull your feelings.”
Thea, standing by her trunk, made no reply. Presently he shook himself and rose. “Want me to put those trays in for you?”
Thea, standing next to her trunk, didn't say anything. After a moment, he shook himself and got up. "Do you want me to put those trays in for you?"
“No, thank you. I’m not ready for them yet.”
“No, thank you. I’m not ready for them yet.”
Fred strolled over to the sofa, lifted a scarf from one of the trays and stood abstractedly drawing it through his fingers. “You’ve been so kind these last few days, Thea, that I began to hope you might soften a little; that you might ask me to come over and see you this summer.”
Fred walked over to the sofa, picked up a scarf from one of the trays, and absentmindedly ran it through his fingers. “You’ve been so nice these last few days, Thea, that I started to think you might warm up a bit; that you might invite me to come over and see you this summer.”
“If you thought that, you were mistaken,” she said slowly. “I’ve hardened, if anything. But I shan’t carry any grudge away with me, if you mean that.”
“If you thought that, you were wrong,” she said slowly. “I’ve toughened up, if anything. But I won’t hold any grudge against you, if that’s what you mean.”
He dropped the scarf. “And there’s nothing—nothing at all you’ll let me do?”
He dropped the scarf. “So, there’s really nothing—nothing at all you’ll let me do?”
“Yes, there is one thing, and it’s a good deal to ask. If I get knocked out, or never get on, I’d like you to see that Dr. Archie gets his money back. I’m taking three thousand dollars of his.”
“Yes, there's one thing, and it's a lot to ask. If I get knocked out, or never make it, I’d like you to make sure Dr. Archie gets his money back. I’m taking three thousand dollars from him.”
“Why, of course I shall. You may dismiss that from your mind. How fussy you are about money, Thea. You make such a point of it.” He turned sharply and walked to the windows.
“Of course I will. You can forget about that. You’re really uptight about money, Thea. You focus on it so much.” He turned abruptly and walked to the windows.
Thea sat down in the chair he had quitted. “It’s only poor people who feel that way about money, and who are really honest,” she said gravely. “Sometimes I think that to be really honest, you must have been so poor that you’ve been tempted to steal.”
Thea sat down in the chair he had left. “It’s only poor people who feel that way about money and who are truly honest,” she said seriously. “Sometimes I think that to be completely honest, you must have been so poor that you’ve been tempted to steal.”
“To what?”
"To what?"
“To steal. I used to be, when I first went to Chicago and saw all the things in the big stores there. Never anything big, but little things, the kind I’d never seen before and could never afford. I did take something once, before I knew it.”
“To steal. I used to do that when I first went to Chicago and saw all the things in the big stores there. Never anything big, just little things, the kind I’d never seen before and could never afford. I did take something once, before I even realized it.”
Fred came toward her. For the first time she had his whole attention, in the degree to which she was accustomed to having it. “Did you? What was it?” he asked with interest.
Fred walked over to her. For the first time, she had his full attention, just like she was used to having. “Did you? What was it?” he asked, genuinely interested.
“A sachet. A little blue silk bag of orris-root powder. There was a whole counterful of them, marked down to fifty cents. I’d never seen any before, and they seemed irresistible. I took one up and wandered about the store with it. Nobody seemed to notice, so I carried it off.”
“A small bag. A little blue silk pouch filled with orris root powder. There was an entire counter full of them, priced at fifty cents each. I had never seen any before, and they looked too good to resist. I picked one up and roamed around the store with it. No one seemed to notice, so I walked out with it.”
Fred laughed. “Crazy child! Why, your things always smell of orris; is it a penance?”
Fred laughed. “Crazy kid! Your stuff always smells like orris; is it some sort of punishment?”
“No, I love it. But I saw that the firm didn’t lose anything by me. I went back and bought it there whenever I had a quarter to spend. I got a lot to take to Arizona. I made it up to them.”
“No, I love it. But I saw that the company didn’t lose anything because of me. I went back and bought it there whenever I had a quarter to spend. I got a lot to take to Arizona. I made it up to them.”
“I’ll bet you did!” Fred took her hand. “Why didn’t I find you that first winter? I’d have loved you just as you came!”
“I’ll bet you did!” Fred took her hand. “Why didn’t I find you that first winter? I would have loved you just as you were!”
Thea shook her head. “No, you wouldn’t, but you might have found me amusing. The Harsanyis said yesterday afternoon that I wore such a funny cape and that my shoes always squeaked. They think I’ve improved. I told them it was your doing if I had, and then they looked scared.”
Thea shook her head. “No, you wouldn’t, but you might have found me amusing. The Harsanyis said yesterday afternoon that I was wearing such a funny cape and that my shoes always squeaked. They think I’ve improved. I told them it was your influence if I had, and then they looked scared.”
“Did you sing for Harsanyi?”
“Did you perform for Harsanyi?”
“Yes. He thinks I’ve improved there, too. He said nice things to me. Oh, he was very nice! He agrees with you about my going to Lehmann, if she’ll take me. He came out to the elevator with me, after we had said good-bye. He said something nice out there, too, but he seemed sad.”
“Yes. He thinks I’ve gotten better in that area, too. He said some nice things to me. Oh, he was really nice! He agrees with you about me going to Lehmann, if she’ll take me. He walked me to the elevator after we said goodbye. He said something nice out there, too, but he seemed sad.”
“What was it that he said?”
"What did he say?"
“He said, ‘When people, serious people, believe in you, they give you some of their best, so—take care of it, Miss Kronborg.’ Then he waved his hands and went back.”
“He said, ‘When people, serious people, believe in you, they give you some of their best, so—take care of it, Miss Kronborg.’ Then he waved his hands and walked away.”
“If you sang, I wish you had taken me along. Did you sing well?” Fred turned from her and went back to the window. “I wonder when I shall hear you sing again.” He picked up a bunch of violets and smelled them. “You know, your leaving me like this—well, it’s almost inhuman to be able to do it so kindly and unconditionally.”
“If you sang, I wish you had taken me with you. Did you sing well?” Fred turned away from her and looked back out the window. “I wonder when I’ll hear you sing again.” He picked up a bunch of violets and inhaled their scent. “You know, it’s almost inhuman the way you can leave me like this—so kindly and without any conditions.”
“I suppose it is. It was almost inhuman to be able to leave home, too,—the last time, when I knew it was for good. But all the same, I cared a great deal more than anybody else did. I lived through it. I have no choice now. No matter how much it breaks me up, I have to go. Do I seem to enjoy it?”
“I guess so. It felt almost cruel to leave home for good last time. But still, I cared way more than anyone else did. I went through it. I don’t have a choice now. No matter how much it tears me apart, I have to go. Do I look like I’m enjoying it?”
Fred bent over her trunk and picked up something which proved to be a score, clumsily bound. “What’s this? Did you ever try to sing this?” He opened it and on the engraved title-page read Wunsch’s inscription, “Einst, O Wunder!” He looked up sharply at Thea.
Fred bent over her trunk and picked up something that turned out to be a score, awkwardly bound. “What’s this? Did you ever try to sing this?” He opened it and, on the engraved title page, read Wunsch’s inscription, “Einst, O Wunder!” He looked up quickly at Thea.
“Wunsch gave me that when he went away. I’ve told you about him, my old teacher in Moonstone. He loved that opera.”
“Wunsch gave me that when he left. I’ve told you about him, my old teacher in Moonstone. He really loved that opera.”
Fred went toward the fireplace, the book under his arm, singing softly:—
Fred walked over to the fireplace, the book tucked under his arm, singing softly:—
“Einst, O Wunder, entblüht auf meinem Grabe,
Eine Blume der Asche meines Herzens;”
“Once, oh wonder, a flower bloomed on my grave,
A flower of the ashes of my heart;”
“You have no idea at all where he is, Thea?” He leaned against the mantel and looked down at her.
“You have no idea where he is at all, Thea?” He leaned against the mantel and looked down at her.
“No, I wish I had. He may be dead by this time. That was five years ago, and he used himself hard. Mrs. Kohler was always afraid he would die off alone somewhere and be stuck under the prairie. When we last heard of him, he was in Kansas.”
“No, I wish I had. He might be dead by now. That was five years ago, and he really pushed himself. Mrs. Kohler was always worried he would end up dying alone somewhere and be buried under the prairie. The last we heard from him, he was in Kansas.”
“If he were to be found, I’d like to do something for him. I seem to get a good deal of him from this.” He opened the book again, where he kept the place with his finger, and scrutinized the purple ink. “How like a German! Had he ever sung the song for you?”
“If he gets found, I’d want to do something for him. I feel like I get a lot from this.” He opened the book again, keeping his finger on the page, and examined the purple ink. “How typical of a German! Has he ever sung that song for you?”
“No. I didn’t know where the words were from until once, when Harsanyi sang it for me, I recognized them.”
“No. I didn’t know where the words came from until one time, when Harsanyi sang it for me, I recognized them.”
Fred closed the book. “Let me see, what was your noble brakeman’s name?”
Fred closed the book. “Let me think, what was the name of your heroic brakeman?”
Thea looked up with surprise. “Ray, Ray Kennedy.”
Thea looked up, surprised. “Ray, Ray Kennedy.”
“Ray Kennedy!” he laughed. “It couldn’t well have been better! Wunsch and Dr. Archie, and Ray, and I,”—he told them off on his fingers,—“your whistling-posts! You haven’t done so badly. We’ve backed you as we could, some in our weakness and some in our might. In your dark hours—and you’ll have them—you may like to remember us.” He smiled whimsically and dropped the score into the trunk. “You are taking that with you?”
“Ray Kennedy!” he laughed. “It couldn’t have been better! Wunsch, Dr. Archie, Ray, and I,”—he counted them on his fingers,—“your cheering squad! You haven’t done too badly. We’ve supported you as best we could, sometimes in our weakness and sometimes with all our strength. In your tough times—and you’ll have them—you might want to remember us.” He smiled playfully and dropped the score into the trunk. “Are you taking that with you?”
“Surely I am. I haven’t so many keepsakes that I can afford to leave that. I haven’t got many that I value so highly.”
“Of course I am. I don’t have so many keepsakes that I can just leave that behind. I don’t have many that I treasure as much.”
“That you value so highly?” Fred echoed her gravity playfully. “You are delicious when you fall into your vernacular.” He laughed half to himself.
“Is that what you value so much?” Fred repeated her serious tone with a playful twist. “You’re so charming when you speak in your usual way.” He laughed a little to himself.
“What’s the matter with that? Isn’t it perfectly good English?”
“What’s wrong with that? Isn’t it perfectly good English?”
“Perfectly good Moonstone, my dear. Like the readymade clothes that hang in the windows, made to fit everybody and fit nobody, a phrase that can be used on all occasions. Oh,”—he started across the room again,—“that’s one of the fine things about your going! You’ll be with the right sort of people and you’ll learn a good, live, warm German, that will be like yourself. You’ll get a new speech full of shades and color like your voice; alive, like your mind. It will be almost like being born again, Thea.”
“Perfectly good Moonstone, my dear. Like the off-the-rack clothes that hang in the windows, made to fit everyone yet fitting no one, a phrase that works for any occasion. Oh,"—he started across the room again,—“that’s one of the great things about your going! You’ll be with the right kind of people and you’ll learn a good, lively, warm German that matches who you are. You’ll pick up a new way of speaking that’s full of shades and color like your voice; alive, like your mind. It will be almost like being reborn, Thea.”
She was not offended. Fred had said such things to her before, and she wanted to learn. In the natural course of things she would never have loved a man from whom she could not learn a great deal.
She wasn’t offended. Fred had said things like that to her before, and she was eager to learn. In a normal situation, she would never have loved a man from whom she couldn’t learn a lot.
“Harsanyi said once,” she remarked thoughtfully, “that if one became an artist one had to be born again, and that one owed nothing to anybody.”
“Harsanyi once said,” she reflected, “that if you want to be an artist, you have to be reborn, and that you don’t owe anything to anyone.”
“Exactly. And when I see you again I shall not see you, but your daughter. May I?” He held up his cigarette case questioningly and then began to smoke, taking up again the song which ran in his head:—
“Exactly. And when I see you again, I won’t see you, but your daughter. Is that okay?” He raised his cigarette case, looking for confirmation, then started smoking again, picking up the song that was playing in his head:—
“Deutlich schimmert auf jedem, Purpurblättchen, Adelaide!”
“Clearly shining on each, purple leaf, Adelaide!”
“I have half an hour with you yet, and then, exit Fred.” He walked about the room, smoking and singing the words under his breath. “You’ll like the voyage,” he said abruptly. “That first approach to a foreign shore, stealing up on it and finding it—there’s nothing like it. It wakes up everything that’s asleep in you. You won’t mind my writing to some people in Berlin? They’ll be nice to you.”
“I have half an hour left with you, and then I’m out of here,” Fred said. He paced around the room, smoking and mumbling the lyrics to a song. “You’re going to love the trip,” he added suddenly. “That first sighting of a foreign shore, sneaking up on it and discovering it—there’s really nothing like it. It brings everything inside you to life. You don’t mind if I write to a few people in Berlin, do you? They’ll treat you well.”
“I wish you would.” Thea gave a deep sigh. “I wish one could look ahead and see what is coming to one.”
“I wish you would.” Thea sighed deeply. “I wish you could look ahead and see what’s coming your way.”
“Oh, no!” Fred was smoking nervously; “that would never do. It’s the uncertainty that makes one try. You’ve never had any sort of chance, and now I fancy you’ll make it up to yourself. You’ll find the way to let yourself out in one long flight.”
“Oh, no!” Fred said, nervously smoking. “That’s not going to work. It’s the uncertainty that pushes you to try. You’ve never really had a chance, but I think you’ll figure out how to make it up to yourself. You’ll find a way to break free in one big leap.”
Thea put her hand on her heart. “And then drop like the rocks we used to throw—anywhere.” She left the chair and went over to the sofa, hunting for something in the trunk trays. When she came back she found Fred sitting in her place. “Here are some handkerchiefs of yours. I’ve kept one or two. They’re larger than mine and useful if one has a headache.”
Thea placed her hand on her chest. “And then fall like the rocks we used to toss—anywhere.” She got up from the chair and walked over to the sofa, looking for something in the trunk trays. When she returned, she saw Fred sitting in her spot. “Here are some of your handkerchiefs. I’ve kept a couple. They’re bigger than mine and handy if you have a headache.”
“Thank you. How nicely they smell of your things!” He looked at the white squares for a moment and then put them in his pocket. He kept the low chair, and as she stood beside him he took her hands and sat looking intently at them, as if he were examining them for some special purpose, tracing the long round fingers with the tips of his own. “Ordinarily, you know, there are reefs that a man catches to and keeps his nose above water. But this is a case by itself. There seems to be no limit as to how much I can be in love with you. I keep going.” He did not lift his eyes from her fingers, which he continued to study with the same fervor. “Every kind of stringed instrument there is plays in your hands, Thea,” he whispered, pressing them to his face.
“Thank you. They smell so nice, just like you!” He gazed at the white squares for a moment before slipping them into his pocket. He kept the low chair, and as she stood beside him, he took her hands and stared at them intently, as if examining them for a specific reason, tracing her long, rounded fingers with his own. “Usually, you know, there are challenges a man faces to keep his head above water. But this is different. It feels like there’s no limit to how much I can love you. I just keep going.” He didn’t take his eyes off her fingers, which he continued to examine with the same intensity. “Every type of string instrument plays in your hands, Thea,” he whispered, pressing them against his face.
She dropped beside him and slipped into his arms, shutting her eyes and lifting her cheek to his. “Tell me one thing,” Fred whispered. “You said that night on the boat, when I first told you, that if you could you would crush it all up in your hands and throw it into the sea. Would you, all those weeks?”
She sat down next to him and snuggled into his arms, closing her eyes and resting her cheek against his. “Tell me one thing,” Fred whispered. “That night on the boat, when I first told you, you said that if you could, you would crush it all up in your hands and throw it into the sea. Would you still, after all those weeks?”
She shook her head.
She sighed.
“Answer me, would you?”
“Can you answer me?”
“No, I was angry then. I’m not now. I’d never give them up. Don’t make me pay too much.” In that embrace they lived over again all the others. When Thea drew away from him, she dropped her face in her hands. “You are good to me,” she breathed, “you are!”
"No, I was angry back then. I’m not anymore. I’d never give them up. Don’t make me pay too much." In that embrace, they relived all the moments. When Thea pulled away from him, she buried her face in her hands. "You are good to me," she sighed, "you really are!"
Rising to his feet, he put his hands under her elbows and lifted her gently. He drew her toward the door with him. “Get all you can. Be generous with yourself. Don’t stop short of splendid things. I want them for you more than I want anything else, more than I want one splendid thing for myself. I can’t help feeling that you’ll gain, somehow, by my losing so much. That you’ll gain the very thing I lose. Take care of her, as Harsanyi said. She’s wonderful!” He kissed her and went out of the door without looking back, just as if he were coming again to-morrow.
Rising to his feet, he placed his hands under her elbows and gently lifted her. He pulled her toward the door with him. “Get everything you can. Be generous with yourself. Don’t settle for anything less than amazing things. I want them for you more than I want anything else, more than I want even one amazing thing for myself. I can’t shake the feeling that you’ll benefit somehow from my loss. That you’ll gain exactly what I lose. Take care of her, as Harsanyi said. She’s amazing!” He kissed her and walked out the door without looking back, as if he would be back tomorrow.
Thea went quickly into her bedroom. She brought out an armful of muslin things, knelt down, and began to lay them in the trays. Suddenly she stopped, dropped forward and leaned against the open trunk, her head on her arms. The tears fell down on the dark old carpet. It came over her how many people must have said good-bye and been unhappy in that room. Other people, before her time, had hired this room to cry in. Strange rooms and strange streets and faces, how sick at heart they made one! Why was she going so far, when what she wanted was some familiar place to hide in?—the rock house, her little room in Moonstone, her own bed. Oh, how good it would be to lie down in that little bed, to cut the nerve that kept one struggling, that pulled one on and on, to sink into peace there, with all the family safe and happy downstairs. After all, she was a Moonstone girl, one of the preacher’s children. Everything else was in Fred’s imagination. Why was she called upon to take such chances? Any safe, humdrum work that did not compromise her would be better. But if she failed now, she would lose her soul. There was nowhere to fall, after one took that step, except into abysses of wretchedness. She knew what abysses, for she could still hear the old man playing in the snowstorm, “Ach, ich habe sie verloren!” That melody was released in her like a passion of longing. Every nerve in her body thrilled to it. It brought her to her feet, carried her somehow to bed and into troubled sleep.
Thea quickly went into her bedroom. She came out with an armful of muslin items, knelt down, and started laying them in the trays. Suddenly, she stopped, leaned forward against the open trunk, resting her head on her arms. Tears fell onto the old, dark carpet. It hit her how many people must have said goodbye and felt sad in that room. Others, before her time, had rented this room to cry in. Strange rooms, unfamiliar streets, and faces made her feel so heavy-hearted! Why was she going so far when all she wanted was a familiar place to hide?—the rock house, her little room in Moonstone, her own bed. Oh, how wonderful it would be to lie down in that little bed, to cut the nerve that kept her struggling, that pulled her on and on, to sink into peace there, with her family safe and happy downstairs. After all, she was a Moonstone girl, one of the preacher's kids. Everything else was just in Fred's imagination. Why did she have to take such risks? Any safe, ordinary job that wouldn’t compromise her would be better. But if she failed now, she would lose her soul. There was nowhere to fall, after taking that step, except into depths of misery. She knew those depths well, for she could still hear the old man playing in the snowstorm, “Ach, ich habe sie verloren!” That melody stirred something in her like a deep longing. Every nerve in her body responded to it. It lifted her to her feet and somehow carried her to bed and into troubled sleep.
That night she taught in Moonstone again: she beat her pupils in hideous rages, she kept on beating them. She sang at funerals, and struggled at the piano with Harsanyi. In one dream she was looking into a hand-glass and thinking that she was getting better-looking, when the glass began to grow smaller and smaller and her own reflection to shrink, until she realized that she was looking into Ray Kennedy’s eyes, seeing her face in that look of his which she could never forget. All at once the eyes were Fred Ottenburg’s, and not Ray’s. All night she heard the shrieking of trains, whistling in and out of Moonstone, as she used to hear them in her sleep when they blew shrill in the winter air. But to-night they were terrifying,—the spectral, fated trains that “raced with death,” about which the old woman from the depot used to pray.
That night she taught at Moonstone again: she lashed out at her students in ugly fits of rage, and just kept at it. She sang at funerals and struggled at the piano with Harsanyi. In one dream, she was looking into a mirror and thinking she was becoming more attractive, when the mirror started getting smaller and smaller and her reflection began to shrink, until she realized she was looking into Ray Kennedy’s eyes, seeing her face in that expression of his that she could never forget. Suddenly the eyes were Fred Ottenburg’s, not Ray’s. All night, she heard the wailing of trains, whistling in and out of Moonstone, just as she used to hear them in her sleep when they blew sharply in the winter air. But tonight they were terrifying—the ghostly, doomed trains that “raced with death,” about which the old woman from the depot used to pray.
In the morning she wakened breathless after a struggle with Mrs. Livery Johnson’s daughter. She started up with a bound, threw the blankets back and sat on the edge of the bed, her night-dress open, her long braids hanging over her bosom, blinking at the daylight. After all, it was not too late. She was only twenty years old, and the boat sailed at noon. There was still time!
In the morning, she woke up breathless after a fight with Mrs. Livery Johnson’s daughter. She jumped up, threw the blankets aside, and sat on the edge of the bed, her nightgown open, her long braids draping over her chest, squinting at the daylight. After all, it wasn’t too late. She was only twenty years old, and the boat left at noon. There was still time!
I
It is a glorious winter day. Denver, standing on her high plateau under a thrilling green-blue sky, is masked in snow and glittering with sunlight. The Capitol building is actually in armor, and throws off the shafts of the sun until the beholder is dazzled and the outlines of the building are lost in a blaze of reflected light. The stone terrace is a white field over which fiery reflections dance, and the trees and bushes are faithfully repeated in snow—on every black twig a soft, blurred line of white. From the terrace one looks directly over to where the mountains break in their sharp, familiar lines against the sky. Snow fills the gorges, hangs in scarfs on the great slopes, and on the peaks the fiery sunshine is gathered up as by a burning-glass.
It’s a beautiful winter day. Denver, perched on her high plateau under a vibrant green-blue sky, is covered in snow and sparkling in sunlight. The Capitol building looks like it's in armor, reflecting the sunlight so intensely that it almost blinds you, and the outlines of the building get lost in a blaze of reflected light. The stone terrace is a white expanse over which bright reflections dance, and the trees and bushes are perfectly mirrored in the snow—each black twig lined with a soft, blurry edge of white. From the terrace, you can see directly over to where the mountains rise sharply against the sky. Snow fills the gorges, clings to the steep slopes, and on the peaks, the bright sunlight is concentrated like a magnifying glass.
Howard Archie is standing at the window of his private room in the offices of the San Felipe Mining Company, on the sixth floor of the Raton Building, looking off at the mountain glories of his State while he gives dictation to his secretary. He is ten years older than when we saw him last, and emphatically ten years more prosperous. A decade of coming into things has not so much aged him as it has fortified, smoothed, and assured him. His sandy hair and imperial conceal whatever gray they harbor. He has not grown heavier, but more flexible, and his massive shoulders carry fifty years and the control of his great mining interests more lightly than they carried forty years and a country practice. In short, he is one of the friends to whom we feel grateful for having got on in the world, for helping to keep up the general temperature and our own confidence in life. He is an acquaintance that one would hurry to overtake and greet among a hundred. In his warm handshake and generous smile there is the stimulating cordiality of good fellows come into good fortune and eager to pass it on; something that makes one think better of the lottery of life and resolve to try again.
Howard Archie stands at the window of his private office in the San Felipe Mining Company, on the sixth floor of the Raton Building, gazing at the stunning mountains of his state while giving dictation to his secretary. He’s ten years older than when we last saw him, and definitely ten years more successful. A decade of growth hasn’t aged him so much as it has strengthened, smoothed, and assured him. His sandy hair and impressive mustache hide any gray he might have. He hasn't become heavier; instead, he's become more agile, and his broad shoulders bear the weight of fifty years and the management of his large mining interests more easily than they carried forty years and a rural practice. In short, he’s one of those friends we’re thankful for because he’s succeeded in life, helping to maintain the overall optimism and our own confidence in living. He’s someone you’d rush to catch up with and greet among a crowd. His warm handshake and generous smile radiate the uplifting friendliness of good people who have found success and are eager to share it; it’s something that makes you feel more positive about the ups and downs of life and motivates you to keep trying.
When Archie had finished his morning mail, he turned away from the window and faced his secretary. “Did anything come up yesterday afternoon while I was away, T. B.?”
When Archie finished his morning emails, he turned away from the window and looked at his secretary. “Did anything happen yesterday afternoon while I was gone, T. B.?”
Thomas Burk turned over the leaf of his calendar. “Governor Alden sent down to say that he wanted to see you before he sends his letter to the Board of Pardons. Asked if you could go over to the State House this morning.”
Thomas Burk flipped the page on his calendar. “Governor Alden asked to see you before he sends his letter to the Board of Pardons. He wanted to know if you could head over to the State House this morning.”
Archie shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll think about it.”
Archie shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”
The young man grinned.
The guy smiled.
“Anything else?” his chief continued.
"Anything else?" his boss continued.
T. B. swung round in his chair with a look of interest on his shrewd, clean-shaven face. “Old Jasper Flight was in, Dr. Archie. I never expected to see him alive again. Seems he’s tucked away for the winter with a sister who’s a housekeeper at the Oxford. He’s all crippled up with rheumatism, but as fierce after it as ever. Wants to know if you or the company won’t grub-stake him again. Says he’s sure of it this time; had located something when the snow shut down on him in December. He wants to crawl out at the first break in the weather, with that same old burro with the split ear. He got somebody to winter the beast for him. He’s superstitious about that burro, too; thinks it’s divinely guided. You ought to hear the line of talk he put up here yesterday; said when he rode in his carriage, that burro was a-going to ride along with him.”
T. B. turned around in his chair, his sharp, clean-shaven face showing interest. “Old Jasper Flight was here, Dr. Archie. I never thought I’d see him alive again. It seems he’s staying for the winter with a sister who works as a housekeeper at the Oxford. He’s all crippled up with rheumatism but just as determined as ever. He wants to know if you or the company will fund him again. He’s confident this time; he found something before the snow hit him in December. He wants to set out at the first sign of good weather, with that same old donkey with the split ear. He found someone to take care of the animal for him. He’s superstitious about that donkey, too; he believes it’s divinely guided. You should have heard the story he told here yesterday; he said when he rides in his carriage, that donkey is going to ride along with him.”
Archie laughed. “Did he leave you his address?”
Archie laughed. “Did he give you his address?”
“He didn’t neglect anything,” replied the clerk cynically.
“He didn’t overlook anything,” replied the clerk sarcastically.
“Well, send him a line and tell him to come in again. I like to hear him. Of all the crazy prospectors I’ve ever known, he’s the most interesting, because he’s really crazy. It’s a religious conviction with him, and with most of ’em it’s a gambling fever or pure vagrancy. But Jasper Flight believes that the Almighty keeps the secret of the silver deposits in these hills, and gives it away to the deserving. He’s a downright noble figure. Of course I’ll stake him! As long as he can crawl out in the spring. He and that burro are a sight together. The beast is nearly as white as Jasper; must be twenty years old.”
"Well, send him a message and tell him to come back. I enjoy listening to him. Of all the wild prospectors I’ve ever met, he’s the most fascinating because he’s genuinely out there. For him, it’s a matter of faith, while for most others it’s just a gambling addiction or pure wandering. But Jasper Flight believes that God keeps the secret of the silver deposits in these hills and reveals it to those who deserve it. He’s a truly admirable figure. Of course, I’ll support him! As long as he can get out of here in the spring. He and that donkey look quite a sight together. The animal is almost as white as Jasper; it must be around twenty years old."
“If you stake him this time, you won’t have to again,” said T. B. knowingly. “He’ll croak up there, mark my word. Says he never ties the burro at night now, for fear he might be called sudden, and the beast would starve. I guess that animal could eat a lariat rope, all right, and enjoy it.”
“If you back him this time, you won’t have to do it again,” T. B. said knowingly. “He’ll drop dead up there, believe me. He says he never ties the donkey at night anymore, in case he gets caught off guard, and the animal would go hungry. I bet that beast could chew through a lariat rope and actually like it.”
“I guess if we knew the things those two have eaten, and haven’t eaten, in their time, T. B., it would make us vegetarians.” The doctor sat down and looked thoughtful. “That’s the way for the old man to go. It would be pretty hard luck if he had to die in a hospital. I wish he could turn up something before he cashes in. But his kind seldom do; they’re bewitched. Still, there was Stratton. I’ve been meeting Jasper Flight, and his side meat and tin pans, up in the mountains for years, and I’d miss him. I always halfway believe the fairy tales he spins me. Old Jasper Flight,” Archie murmured, as if he liked the name or the picture it called up.
“I guess if we knew what those two have eaten and haven’t eaten over the years, T. B., it would probably make us vegetarians.” The doctor sat down and looked thoughtful. “That’s how the old man should go. It would really be bad luck if he had to die in a hospital. I wish he could do something meaningful before he passes away. But people like him rarely do; they’re under a spell. Still, there was Stratton. I’ve been running into Jasper Flight, along with his side meat and tin pans, up in the mountains for years, and I’d miss him. I always kind of believe the fairy tales he tells me. Old Jasper Flight,” Archie murmured, as if he liked the name or the image it brought to mind.
A clerk came in from the outer office and handed Archie a card. He sprang up and exclaimed, “Mr. Ottenburg? Bring him in.”
A clerk walked in from the outer office and handed Archie a card. He jumped up and said, “Mr. Ottenburg? Bring him in.”
Fred Ottenburg entered, clad in a long, fur-lined coat, holding a checked-cloth hat in his hand, his cheeks and eyes bright with the outdoor cold. The two men met before Archie’s desk and their handclasp was longer than friendship prompts except in regions where the blood warms and quickens to meet the dry cold. Under the general keyingup of the altitude, manners take on a heartiness, a vivacity, that is one expression of the half-unconscious excitement which Colorado people miss when they drop into lower strata of air. The heart, we are told, wears out early in that high atmosphere, but while it pumps it sends out no sluggish stream. Our two friends stood gripping each other by the hand and smiling.
Fred Ottenburg walked in, wearing a long, fur-lined coat and holding a checked hat in his hand, his cheeks and eyes bright from the cold outside. The two men met in front of Archie’s desk, and their handshake lasted longer than usual, except in places where the warmth of life meets the dry cold. In the higher altitude, people seem to display more warmth and energy, which reflects the excitement that Colorado locals feel when they go to lower elevations. They say the heart wears out faster up there, but while it’s still beating, it sends a strong pulse. Our two friends stood there, gripping each other’s hands and smiling.
“When did you get in, Fred? And what have you come for?” Archie gave him a quizzical glance.
“When did you arrive, Fred? And what are you here for?” Archie gave him a confused look.
“I’ve come to find out what you think you’re doing out here,” the younger man declared emphatically. “I want to get next, I do. When can you see me?”
“I’ve come to find out what you think you’re doing out here,” the younger man declared firmly. “I want to get close, I really do. When can you see me?”
“Anything on to-night? Then suppose you dine with me. Where can I pick you up at five-thirty?”
“Do you have any plans for tonight? If not, how about having dinner with me? Where should I meet you at five-thirty?”
“Bixby’s office, general freight agent of the Burlington.” Ottenburg began to button his overcoat and drew on his gloves. “I’ve got to have one shot at you before I go, Archie. Didn’t I tell you Pinky Alden was a cheap squirt?”
“Bixby’s office, general freight agent of the Burlington.” Ottenburg started to button up his overcoat and put on his gloves. “I need to have a word with you before I leave, Archie. Didn’t I tell you Pinky Alden was a lowlife?”
Alden’s backer laughed and shook his head. “Oh, he’s worse than that, Fred. It isn’t polite to mention what he is, outside of the Arabian Nights. I guessed you’d come to rub it into me.”
Alden’s backer laughed and shook his head. “Oh, he’s worse than that, Fred. It’s not polite to talk about what he is, outside of the Arabian Nights. I figured you’d come to gloat about it.”
Ottenburg paused, his hand on the doorknob, his high color challenging the doctor’s calm. “I’m disgusted with you, Archie, for training with such a pup. A man of your experience!”
Ottenburg paused, hand on the doorknob, his flushed face challenging the doctor’s calm. “I’m disgusted with you, Archie, for working with such a rookie. A man with your experience!”
“Well, he’s been an experience,” Archie muttered. “I’m not coy about admitting it, am I?”
“Well, he's been quite the experience,” Archie muttered. “I’m not shy about admitting it, am I?”
Ottenburg flung open the door. “Small credit to you. Even the women are out for capital and corruption, I hear. Your Governor’s done more for the United Breweries in six months than I’ve been able to do in six years. He’s the lily-livered sort we’re looking for. Good-morning.”
Ottenburg threw open the door. “Not much credit to you. Even the women are chasing after money and corruption, I hear. Your Governor has accomplished more for the United Breweries in six months than I’ve been able to do in six years. He’s the cowardly type we want. Good morning.”
That afternoon at five o’clock Dr. Archie emerged from the State House after his talk with Governor Alden, and crossed the terrace under a saffron sky. The snow, beaten hard, was blue in the dusk; a day of blinding sunlight had not even started a thaw. The lights of the city twinkled pale below him in the quivering violet air, and the dome of the State House behind him was still red with the light from the west. Before he got into his car, the doctor paused to look about him at the scene of which he never tired. Archie lived in his own house on Colfax Avenue, where he had roomy grounds and a rose garden and a conservatory. His housekeeping was done by three Japanese boys, devoted and resourceful, who were able to manage Archie’s dinner parties, to see that he kept his engagements, and to make visitors who stayed at the house so comfortable that they were always loath to go away.
That afternoon at five o’clock, Dr. Archie came out of the State House after his meeting with Governor Alden and walked across the terrace under a yellow sky. The snow, packed down hard, looked blue in the fading light; a day of bright sunshine hadn’t even started to melt it. The city lights sparkled faintly below him in the shimmering violet air, and the dome of the State House behind him was still glowing red from the setting sun. Before getting into his car, the doctor stopped to take in the view that he never tired of. Archie lived in his own house on Colfax Avenue, where he had spacious grounds, a rose garden, and a conservatory. His housekeeping was managed by three dedicated and clever Japanese boys who handled Archie’s dinner parties, made sure he kept his appointments, and ensured that visitors who stayed at the house were so comfortable that they always hesitated to leave.
Archie had never known what comfort was until he became a widower, though with characteristic delicacy, or dishonesty, he insisted upon accrediting his peace of mind to the San Felipe, to Time, to anything but his release from Mrs. Archie.
Archie had never really understood what comfort felt like until he became a widower, although with his usual delicacy, or maybe dishonesty, he claimed that his peace of mind came from the San Felipe, from Time, from anything except freeing himself from Mrs. Archie.
Mrs. Archie died just before her husband left Moonstone and came to Denver to live, six years ago. The poor woman’s fight against dust was her undoing at last. One summer day when she was rubbing the parlor upholstery with gasoline,—the doctor had often forbidden her to use it on any account, so that was one of the pleasures she seized upon in his absence,—an explosion occurred. Nobody ever knew exactly how it happened, for Mrs. Archie was dead when the neighbors rushed in to save her from the burning house. She must have inhaled the burning gas and died instantly.
Mrs. Archie passed away just before her husband left Moonstone and moved to Denver six years ago. The poor woman’s battle with dust ultimately led to her demise. One summer day, while she was cleaning the living room upholstery with gasoline—something the doctor had repeatedly warned her against—an explosion happened. No one ever figured out exactly how it occurred, as Mrs. Archie was already dead when the neighbors rushed in to rescue her from the flames. She must have inhaled the ignited gas and died on the spot.
Moonstone severity relented toward her somewhat after her death. But even while her old cronies at Mrs. Smiley’s millinery store said that it was a terrible thing, they added that nothing but a powerful explosive could have killed Mrs. Archie, and that it was only right the doctor should have a chance.
Moonstone's harshness eased a bit after her death. But even though her old friends at Mrs. Smiley’s hat shop said it was a terrible thing, they also remarked that only a powerful explosive could have killed Mrs. Archie, and that it was only fair the doctor should get a chance.
Archie’s past was literally destroyed when his wife died. The house burned to the ground, and all those material reminders which have such power over people disappeared in an hour. His mining interests now took him to Denver so often that it seemed better to make his headquarters there. He gave up his practice and left Moonstone for good. Six months afterward, while Dr. Archie was living at the Brown Palace Hotel, the San Felipe mine began to give up that silver hoard which old Captain Harris had always accused it of concealing, and San Felipe headed the list of mining quotations in every daily paper, East and West. In a few years Dr. Archie was a very rich man. His mine was such an important item in the mineral output of the State, and Archie had a hand in so many of the new industries of Colorado and New Mexico, that his political influence was considerable. He had thrown it all, two years ago, to the new reform party, and had brought about the election of a governor of whose conduct he was now heartily ashamed. His friends believed that Archie himself had ambitious political plans.
Archie’s past was completely wiped out when his wife died. The house burned down, and all those tangible memories that hold so much significance for people disappeared in just an hour. His mining ventures now took him to Denver so frequently that it made more sense to set up his base there. He quit his practice and left Moonstone for good. Six months later, while Dr. Archie was staying at the Brown Palace Hotel, the San Felipe mine started to reveal the silver treasure that old Captain Harris had always claimed it was hiding, making San Felipe the top story in mining reports in every daily paper, both East and West. Within a few years, Dr. Archie had become a very wealthy man. His mine made up a significant portion of the state’s mineral output, and Archie was involved in many of the new industries in Colorado and New Mexico, giving him considerable political influence. Two years ago, he had thrown his support behind the new reform party and helped elect a governor whose actions he now deeply regretted. His friends believed that Archie himself had political aspirations.
II
When Ottenburg and his host reached the house on Colfax Avenue, they went directly to the library, a long double room on the second floor which Archie had arranged exactly to his own taste. It was full of books and mounted specimens of wild game, with a big writing-table at either end, stiff, old-fashioned engravings, heavy hangings and deep upholstery.
When Ottenburg and his host arrived at the house on Colfax Avenue, they went straight to the library, a long double room on the second floor that Archie had decorated to his liking. It was filled with books and taxidermy of wild game, with a large writing desk at each end, formal old engravings, heavy curtains, and plush upholstery.
When one of the Japanese boys brought the cocktails, Fred turned from the fine specimen of peccoray he had been examining and said, “A man is an owl to live in such a place alone, Archie. Why don’t you marry? As for me, just because I can’t marry, I find the world full of charming, unattached women, any one of whom I could fit up a house for with alacrity.”
When one of the Japanese guys brought the cocktails, Fred turned away from the impressive peccoray he had been looking at and said, “It’s foolish for a guy to live in a place like this all by himself, Archie. Why don’t you get married? As for me, just because I can’t marry, I see plenty of lovely single women out there, any of whom I could easily set up a home for.”
“You’re more knowing than I.” Archie spoke politely. “I’m not very wide awake about women. I’d be likely to pick out one of the uncomfortable ones—and there are a few of them, you know.” He drank his cocktail and rubbed his hands together in a friendly way. “My friends here have charming wives, and they don’t give me a chance to get lonely. They are very kind to me, and I have a great many pleasant friendships.”
“You know way more than I do,” Archie said courteously. “I’m not really up to speed on women. I’d probably end up choosing one of the difficult ones—and there are definitely some out there, you know.” He took a sip of his cocktail and rubbed his hands together in a friendly manner. “My friends here have lovely wives, and they keep me from feeling lonely. They’re really sweet to me, and I have a lot of great friendships.”
Fred put down his glass. “Yes, I’ve always noticed that women have confidence in you. You have the doctor’s way of getting next. And you enjoy that kind of thing?”
Fred set his glass down. “Yeah, I’ve always noticed that women trust you. You have that doctor vibe that draws people in. And you like that kind of attention?”
“The friendship of attractive women? Oh, dear, yes! I depend upon it a great deal.”
“The friendship of attractive women? Oh, absolutely! I rely on it a lot.”
The butler announced dinner, and the two men went downstairs to the dining-room. Dr. Archie’s dinners were always good and well served, and his wines were excellent.
The butler announced dinner, and the two men went downstairs to the dining room. Dr. Archie's dinners were always great and well served, and his wines were top-notch.
“I saw the Fuel and Iron people to-day,” Ottenburg said, looking up from his soup. “Their heart is in the right place. I can’t see why in the mischief you ever got mixed up with that reform gang, Archie. You’ve got nothing to reform out here. The situation has always been as simple as two and two in Colorado; mostly a matter of a friendly understanding.”
“I met with the Fuel and Iron people today,” Ottenburg said, glancing up from his soup. “They have good intentions. I don’t understand why you ever got involved with that reform group, Archie. There’s nothing that needs fixing out here. The situation in Colorado has always been as straightforward as basic math; it’s mostly about having a good understanding.”
“Well,”—Archie spoke tolerantly,—“some of the young fellows seemed to have red-hot convictions, and I thought it was better to let them try their ideas out.”
“Well,” Archie said with a hint of patience, “some of the young guys seemed really passionate about their beliefs, and I figured it was better to let them test their ideas.”
Ottenburg shrugged his shoulders. “A few dull young men who haven’t ability enough to play the old game the old way, so they want to put on a new game which doesn’t take so much brains and gives away more advertising that’s what your anti-saloon league and vice commission amounts to. They provide notoriety for the fellows who can’t distinguish themselves at running a business or practicing law or developing an industry. Here you have a mediocre lawyer with no brains and no practice, trying to get a look-in on something. He comes up with the novel proposition that the prostitute has a hard time of it, puts his picture in the paper, and the first thing you know, he’s a celebrity. He gets the rake-off and she’s just where she was before. How could you fall for a mouse-trap like Pink Alden, Archie?”
Ottenburg shrugged his shoulders. “A few boring young men who aren’t smart enough to play the old game the old way, so they want to make up a new game that doesn’t require as much intelligence and promotes more advertising—that’s what your anti-saloon league and vice commission are all about. They give attention to the guys who can’t stand out in running a business, practicing law, or developing an industry. Here you have a mediocre lawyer with no brains and no clients, trying to get involved in something. He comes up with the novel idea that the prostitute has a tough time, gets his picture in the newspaper, and before you know it, he’s a celebrity. He takes the profits and she’s right back where she started. How could you fall for a con artist like Pink Alden, Archie?”
Dr. Archie laughed as he began to carve. “Pink seems to get under your skin. He’s not worth talking about. He’s gone his limit. People won’t read about his blameless life any more. I knew those interviews he gave out would cook him. They were a last resort. I could have stopped him, but by that time I’d come to the conclusion that I’d let the reformers down. I’m not against a general shaking-up, but the trouble with Pinky’s crowd is they never get beyond a general writing-up. We gave them a chance to do something, and they just kept on writing about each other and what temptations they had overcome.”
Dr. Archie laughed as he started to carve. “Pink really gets under your skin. He’s not worth discussing. He’s reached his limit. People aren’t interested in reading about his innocent life anymore. I knew those interviews he put out would backfire on him. They were a last resort. I could have stopped him, but by then I'd realized that I’d let the reformers down. I’m not against a thorough shake-up, but the issue with Pinky's group is they never move beyond just writing about it. We gave them a chance to take action, and all they did was keep writing about each other and the temptations they had overcome.”
While Archie and his friend were busy with Colorado politics, the impeccable Japanese attended swiftly and intelligently to his duties, and the dinner, as Ottenburg at last remarked, was worthy of more profitable conversation.
While Archie and his friend were focused on Colorado politics, the flawless Japanese handled his responsibilities quickly and intelligently, and the dinner, as Ottenburg finally pointed out, deserved a more meaningful discussion.
“So it is,” the doctor admitted. “Well, we’ll go upstairs for our coffee and cut this out. Bring up some cognac and arak, Tai,” he added as he rose from the table.
“So it is,” the doctor said. “Alright, let’s head upstairs for our coffee and wrap this up. Bring up some cognac and arak, Tai,” he added as he got up from the table.
They stopped to examine a moose’s head on the stairway, and when they reached the library the pine logs in the fireplace had been lighted, and the coffee was bubbling before the hearth. Tai placed two chairs before the fire and brought a tray of cigarettes.
They paused to look at a moose's head on the staircase, and when they got to the library, the pine logs in the fireplace were lit, and coffee was brewing over the hearth. Tai set two chairs in front of the fire and brought over a tray of cigarettes.
“Bring the cigars in my lower desk drawer, boy,” the doctor directed. “Too much light in here, isn’t there, Fred? Light the lamp there on my desk, Tai.” He turned off the electric glare and settled himself deep into the chair opposite Ottenburg’s.
“Bring the cigars from my lower desk drawer, kid,” the doctor instructed. “It’s a bit too bright in here, isn’t it, Fred? Light the lamp on my desk, Tai.” He turned off the harsh electric light and sank deep into the chair across from Ottenburg’s.
“To go back to our conversation, doctor,” Fred began while he waited for the first steam to blow off his coffee; “why don’t you make up your mind to go to Washington? There’d be no fight made against you. I needn’t say the United Breweries would back you. There’d be some kudos coming to us, too; backing a reform candidate.”
“Getting back to our conversation, doctor,” Fred said as he waited for the steam to settle from his coffee, “why don’t you decide to go to Washington? No one would oppose you. I don’t even need to mention that the United Breweries would support you. There’d be some kudos for us, too; supporting a reform candidate.”
Dr. Archie measured his length in his chair and thrust his large boots toward the crackling pitch-pine. He drank his coffee and lit a big black cigar while his guest looked over the assortment of cigarettes on the tray. “You say why don’t I,” the doctor spoke with the deliberation of a man in the position of having several courses to choose from, “but, on the other hand, why should I?” He puffed away and seemed, through his half-closed eyes, to look down several long roads with the intention of luxuriously rejecting all of them and remaining where he was. “I’m sick of politics. I’m disillusioned about serving my crowd, and I don’t particularly want to serve yours. Nothing in it that I particularly want; and a man’s not effective in politics unless he wants something for himself, and wants it hard. I can reach my ends by straighter roads. There are plenty of things to keep me busy. We haven’t begun to develop our resources in this State; we haven’t had a look in on them yet. That’s the only thing that isn’t fake—making men and machines go, and actually turning out a product.”
Dr. Archie settled back in his chair and pointed his big boots toward the crackling pitch-pine. He sipped his coffee and lit a large black cigar while his guest browsed the selection of cigarettes on the tray. “You ask why I don’t,” the doctor said deliberately, like someone considering several options, “but why should I?” He puffed away, appearing to gaze down various long paths with the intention of indulgently dismissing all of them and staying where he was. “I’m tired of politics. I’m disillusioned with serving my crowd, and I don’t really want to serve yours either. There’s nothing in it for me; and a person isn’t effective in politics unless they want something for themselves and want it strongly. I can achieve my goals through more direct means. There are plenty of things to keep me occupied. We haven’t even started to develop our resources in this State; we haven’t even scratched the surface. That’s the only thing that feels real—getting people and machines to work and actually producing something.”
The doctor poured himself some white cordial and looked over the little glass into the fire with an expression which led Ottenburg to believe that he was getting at something in his own mind. Fred lit a cigarette and let his friend grope for his idea.
The doctor poured himself some white drink and gazed into the fire through the little glass, wearing an expression that made Ottenburg think he was contemplating something. Fred lit a cigarette and allowed his friend to search for his thought.
“My boys, here,” Archie went on, “have got me rather interested in Japan. Think I’ll go out there in the spring, and come back the other way, through Siberia. I’ve always wanted to go to Russia.” His eyes still hunted for something in his big fireplace. With a slow turn of his head he brought them back to his guest and fixed them upon him. “Just now, I’m thinking of running on to New York for a few weeks,” he ended abruptly.
“My boys, here,” Archie continued, “have really piqued my interest in Japan. I think I’ll head out there in the spring and come back the other way, through Siberia. I’ve always wanted to see Russia.” His gaze still searched for something in his large fireplace. With a slow turn of his head, he returned his attention to his guest and locked eyes with him. “Right now, I’m considering heading to New York for a few weeks,” he concluded abruptly.
Ottenburg lifted his chin. “Ah!” he exclaimed, as if he began to see Archie’s drift. “Shall you see Thea?”
Ottenburg raised his chin. “Ah!” he said, as if he was starting to understand Archie’s point. “Are you going to see Thea?”
“Yes.” The doctor replenished his cordial glass. “In fact, I suspect I am going exactly to see her. I’m getting stale on things here, Fred. Best people in the world and always doing things for me. I’m fond of them, too, but I’ve been with them too much. I’m getting ill-tempered, and the first thing I know I’ll be hurting people’s feelings. I snapped Mrs. Dandridge up over the telephone this afternoon when she asked me to go out to Colorado Springs on Sunday to meet some English people who are staying at the Antlers. Very nice of her to want me, and I was as sour as if she’d been trying to work me for something. I’ve got to get out for a while, to save my reputation.”
"Yes." The doctor filled up his drink again. "Actually, I think I’m about to go see her. I’m starting to feel stuck here, Fred. The best people in the world, always helping me out. I like them a lot, but I’ve been around them too much. I’m getting irritable, and before I know it, I’ll be hurting people’s feelings. I snapped at Mrs. Dandridge over the phone this afternoon when she invited me to go to Colorado Springs on Sunday to meet some English visitors at the Antlers. It was really nice of her to ask, and I was as grumpy as if she were trying to get something from me. I need to get out for a bit, to save my reputation."
To this explanation Ottenburg had not paid much attention. He seemed to be looking at a fixed point: the yellow glass eyes of a fine wildcat over one of the bookcases. “You’ve never heard her at all, have you?” he asked reflectively. “Curious, when this is her second season in New York.”
To this explanation, Ottenburg hadn’t really paid much attention. He seemed to be staring at a fixed point: the yellow glass eyes of a beautiful wildcat above one of the bookcases. “You’ve never heard her at all, have you?” he asked thoughtfully. “Funny, considering this is her second season in New York.”
“I was going on last March. Had everything arranged. And then old Cap Harris thought he could drive his car and me through a lamp-post and I was laid up with a compound fracture for two months. So I didn’t get to see Thea.”
“I was about to leave last March. Had everything set up. And then old Cap Harris thought he could crash his car and me into a lamp-post, and I ended up with a compound fracture for two months. So I didn’t get to see Thea.”
Ottenburg studied the red end of his cigarette attentively. “She might have come out to see you. I remember you covered the distance like a streak when she wanted you.”
Ottenburg focused intently on the red tip of his cigarette. “She might have come out to see you. I remember you raced to her whenever she wanted you.”
Archie moved uneasily. “Oh, she couldn’t do that. She had to get back to Vienna to work on some new parts for this year. She sailed two days after the New York season closed.”
Archie shifted uncomfortably. “Oh, she couldn’t do that. She had to return to Vienna to work on some new pieces for this year. She left two days after the New York season ended.”
“Well, then she couldn’t, of course.” Fred smoked his cigarette close and tossed the end into the fire. “I’m tremendously glad you’re going now. If you’re stale, she’ll jack you up. That’s one of her specialties. She got a rise out of me last December that lasted me all winter.”
“Well, she just couldn’t, obviously.” Fred puffed on his cigarette and threw the butt into the fire. “I’m really glad you’re going now. If you’re feeling uninspired, she’ll boost you up. That’s one of her talents. She got me fired up last December, and it kept me going all winter.”
“Of course,” the doctor apologized, “you know so much more about such things. I’m afraid it will be rather wasted on me. I’m no judge of music.”
“Of course,” the doctor said apologetically, “you know so much more about this stuff. I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit wasted on me. I’m not really a judge of music.”
“Never mind that.” The younger man pulled himself up in his chair. “She gets it across to people who aren’t judges. That’s just what she does.” He relapsed into his former lassitude. “If you were stone deaf, it wouldn’t all be wasted. It’s a great deal to watch her. Incidentally, you know, she is very beautiful. Photographs give you no idea.”
“Forget about that.” The younger man straightened up in his chair. “She connects with people who aren’t judges. That’s just how she is.” He slumped back into his earlier lack of energy. “Even if you were completely deaf, you wouldn’t miss out. It’s amazing to watch her. By the way, she’s really beautiful. Photos don’t do her justice.”
Dr. Archie clasped his large hands under his chin. “Oh, I’m counting on that. I don’t suppose her voice will sound natural to me. Probably I wouldn’t know it.”
Dr. Archie held his large hands under his chin. “Oh, I’m counting on that. I don’t think her voice will sound natural to me. I probably wouldn’t recognize it.”
Ottenburg smiled. “You’ll know it, if you ever knew it. It’s the same voice, only more so. You’ll know it.”
Ottenburg smiled. “You’ll recognize it if you ever did. It’s the same voice, just amplified. You’ll recognize it.”
“Did you, in Germany that time, when you wrote me? Seven years ago, now. That must have been at the very beginning.”
“Did you, in Germany that time, when you wrote me? Seven years ago now. That must have been at the very beginning.”
“Yes, somewhere near the beginning. She sang one of the Rhine daughters.” Fred paused and drew himself up again. “Sure, I knew it from the first note. I’d heard a good many young voices come up out of the Rhine, but, by gracious, I hadn’t heard one like that!” He fumbled for another cigarette. “Mahler was conducting that night. I met him as he was leaving the house and had a word with him. ‘Interesting voice you tried out this evening,’ I said. He stopped and smiled. ‘Miss Kronborg, you mean? Yes, very. She seems to sing for the idea. Unusual in a young singer.’ I’d never heard him admit before that a singer could have an idea. She not only had it, but she got it across. The Rhine music, that I’d known since I was a boy, was fresh to me, vocalized for the first time. You realized that she was beginning that long story, adequately, with the end in view. Every phrase she sang was basic. She simply was the idea of the Rhine music.” Ottenburg rose and stood with his back to the fire. “And at the end, where you don’t see the maidens at all, the same thing again: two pretty voices and the Rhine voice.” Fred snapped his fingers and dropped his hand.
“Yes, somewhere near the beginning. She sang one of the Rhine daughters.” Fred paused and straightened up again. “Sure, I recognized it from the first note. I’d heard a lot of young voices come up from the Rhine, but wow, I hadn’t heard one like that!” He fumbled for another cigarette. “Mahler was conducting that night. I ran into him as he was leaving the house and had a quick chat with him. ‘Interesting voice you showcased this evening,’ I said. He stopped and smiled. ‘Miss Kronborg, you mean? Yes, very much. She seems to sing with a purpose. That’s unusual for a young singer.’ I’d never heard him admit before that a singer could have a purpose. She not only had it, but she communicated it effectively. The Rhine music, which I’d known since I was a boy, felt fresh to me, sung for the first time. You could tell that she was starting that long story, right from the beginning and with the end in mind. Every phrase she sang was fundamental. She truly embodied the essence of the Rhine music.” Ottenburg rose and stood with his back to the fire. “And at the end, where you can’t see the maidens at all, it was the same thing again: two lovely voices and the Rhine voice.” Fred snapped his fingers and let his hand drop.
The doctor looked up at him enviously. “You see, all that would be lost on me,” he said modestly. “I don’t know the dream nor the interpretation thereof. I’m out of it. It’s too bad that so few of her old friends can appreciate her.”
The doctor looked up at him with envy. “You see, all that would be wasted on me,” he said modestly. “I don’t know the dream or what it means. I’m clueless. It’s a shame that so few of her old friends can appreciate her.”
“Take a try at it,” Fred encouraged him. “You’ll get in deeper than you can explain to yourself. People with no personal interest do that.”
“Give it a shot,” Fred urged him. “You’ll end up deeper than you can explain to yourself. People without a personal stake do that.”
“I suppose,” said Archie diffidently, “that college German, gone to seed, wouldn’t help me out much. I used to be able to make my German patients understand me.”
“I guess,” said Archie hesitantly, “that my rusty college German wouldn’t be of much help. I used to be able to make my German patients understand me.”
“Sure it would!” cried Ottenburg heartily. “Don’t be above knowing your libretto. That’s all very well for musicians, but common mortals like you and me have got to know what she’s singing about. Get out your dictionary and go at it as you would at any other proposition. Her diction is beautiful, and if you know the text you’ll get a great deal. So long as you’re going to hear her, get all that’s coming to you. You bet in Germany people know their librettos by heart! You Americans are so afraid of stooping to learn anything.”
“Of course it would!” Ottenburg exclaimed warmly. “Don’t think you’re too good to know your libretto. That’s fine for musicians, but regular people like you and me need to understand what she’s singing about. Pull out your dictionary and tackle it like you would any other subject. Her diction is beautiful, and if you know the text, you'll gain a lot more from it. If you’re going to see her perform, make sure you get everything you can from the experience. In Germany, people memorize their librettos! You Americans are so hesitant to lower yourselves to learn anything.”
“I am a little ashamed,” Archie admitted. “I guess that’s the way we mask our general ignorance. However, I’ll stoop this time; I’m more ashamed not to be able to follow her. The papers always say she’s such a fine actress.” He took up the tongs and began to rearrange the logs that had burned through and fallen apart. “I suppose she has changed a great deal?” he asked absently.
“I am a bit embarrassed,” Archie admitted. “I guess that's how we hide our overall ignorance. But I’ll lower myself this time; I feel more ashamed of not being able to understand her. The newspapers always say she’s such a great actress.” He picked up the tongs and started to reposition the logs that had burned through and fallen apart. “I suppose she has changed a lot?” he asked absentmindedly.
“We’ve all changed, my dear Archie,—she more than most of us. Yes, and no. She’s all there, only there’s a great deal more of her. I’ve had only a few words with her in several years. It’s better not, when I’m tied up this way. The laws are barbarous, Archie.”
“We’ve all changed, my dear Archie—she more than most of us. Yes, and no. She’s still herself, just that there’s a lot more to her now. I’ve only spoken to her a few times in several years. It’s best not to, considering my situation. The laws are brutal, Archie.”
“Your wife is—still the same?” the doctor asked sympathetically.
“Is your wife still the same?” the doctor asked with sympathy.
“Absolutely. Hasn’t been out of a sanitarium for seven years now. No prospect of her ever being out, and as long as she’s there I’m tied hand and foot. What does society get out of such a state of things, I’d like to know, except a tangle of irregularities? If you want to reform, there’s an opening for you!”
“Absolutely. She hasn’t been out of a mental health facility for seven years now. There’s no chance of her ever getting out, and as long as she’s there, I’m completely stuck. What does society gain from this situation, I’d like to know, except a mess of complications? If you want to make a change, there’s your opportunity!”
“It’s bad, oh, very bad; I agree with you!” Dr. Archie shook his head. “But there would be complications under another system, too. The whole question of a young man’s marrying has looked pretty grave to me for a long while. How have they the courage to keep on doing it? It depresses me now to buy wedding presents.” For some time the doctor watched his guest, who was sunk in bitter reflections. “Such things used to go better than they do now, I believe. Seems to me all the married people I knew when I was a boy were happy enough.” He paused again and bit the end off a fresh cigar. “You never saw Thea’s mother, did you, Ottenburg? That’s a pity. Mrs. Kronborg was a fine woman. I’ve always been afraid Thea made a mistake, not coming home when Mrs. Kronborg was ill, no matter what it cost her.”
“It’s really bad, oh, very bad; I agree with you!” Dr. Archie shook his head. “But there would be complications with another system, too. The whole issue of a young man getting married has seemed pretty serious to me for a long time. How do they have the courage to keep doing it? It makes me feel down just buying wedding gifts now.” For a while, the doctor watched his guest, who was lost in deep thoughts. “Used to be that these things went better than they do now, I think. It seems like all the married people I knew when I was younger were happy enough.” He paused again and bit the end off a new cigar. “You never met Thea’s mother, did you, Ottenburg? That’s a shame. Mrs. Kronborg was a wonderful woman. I’ve always been worried that Thea made a mistake by not coming home when Mrs. Kronborg was sick, no matter what it cost her.”
Ottenburg moved about restlessly. “She couldn’t, Archie, she positively couldn’t. I felt you never understood that, but I was in Dresden at the time, and though I wasn’t seeing much of her, I could size up the situation for myself. It was by just a lucky chance that she got to sing Elizabeth that time at the Dresden Opera, a complication of circumstances. If she’d run away, for any reason, she might have waited years for such a chance to come again. She gave a wonderful performance and made a great impression. They offered her certain terms; she had to take them and follow it up then and there. In that game you can’t lose a single trick. She was ill herself, but she sang. Her mother was ill, and she sang. No, you mustn’t hold that against her, Archie. She did the right thing there.” Ottenburg drew out his watch. “Hello! I must be traveling. You hear from her regularly?”
Ottenburg moved around restlessly. “She couldn’t, Archie, she really couldn’t. I felt you never understood that, but I was in Dresden at the time, and even though I wasn’t seeing much of her, I could figure out the situation for myself. It was just by chance that she got to sing Elizabeth that time at the Dresden Opera, a mix of circumstances. If she had run away for any reason, she might have waited years for another chance like that. She gave a fantastic performance and made a great impression. They offered her specific terms; she had to accept them and act on it right then. In that game, you can’t afford to lose a single opportunity. She was sick herself, but she sang. Her mother was ill, and she sang. No, you shouldn’t hold that against her, Archie. She did the right thing there.” Ottenburg pulled out his watch. “Wow! I need to get going. Do you hear from her regularly?”
“More or less regularly. She was never much of a letter-writer. She tells me about her engagements and contracts, but I know so little about that business that it doesn’t mean much to me beyond the figures, which seem very impressive. We’ve had a good deal of business correspondence, about putting up a stone to her father and mother, and, lately, about her youngest brother, Thor. He is with me now; he drives my car. To-day he’s up at the mine.”
“More or less regularly. She wasn't really into writing letters. She tells me about her gigs and contracts, but I don’t understand that world well enough for it to mean much to me outside of the impressive numbers. We’ve exchanged quite a bit of business correspondence about putting up a gravestone for her parents, and lately about her youngest brother, Thor. He’s with me now; he drives my car. Today he’s at the mine.”
Ottenburg, who had picked up his overcoat, dropped it. “Drives your car?” he asked incredulously.
Ottenburg, who had picked up his coat, dropped it. “You drive your car?” he asked, astonished.
“Yes. Thea and I have had a good deal of bother about Thor. We tried a business college, and an engineering school, but it was no good. Thor was born a chauffeur before there were cars to drive. He was never good for anything else; lay around home and collected postage stamps and took bicycles to pieces, waiting for the automobile to be invented. He’s just as much a part of a car as the steering-gear. I can’t find out whether he likes his job with me or not, or whether he feels any curiosity about his sister. You can’t find anything out from a Kronborg nowadays. The mother was different.”
“Yes. Thea and I have had a lot of trouble with Thor. We tried a business college and an engineering school, but it didn’t work out. Thor was born to be a chauffeur before cars even existed. He was never good at anything else; he just hung around at home, collected postage stamps, and took apart bicycles, waiting for the invention of the automobile. He’s just as much a part of a car as the steering wheel. I can’t tell if he likes his job with me or if he’s even curious about his sister. You can’t get anything out of a Kronborg these days. The mother was different.”
Fred plunged into his coat. “Well, it’s a queer world, Archie. But you’ll think better of it, if you go to New York. Wish I were going with you. I’ll drop in on you in the morning at about eleven. I want a word with you about this Interstate Commerce Bill. Good-night.”
Fred slipped into his coat. “Well, it’s a strange world, Archie. But you’ll have a different perspective if you go to New York. I wish I could go with you. I’ll stop by in the morning around eleven. I want to talk to you about this Interstate Commerce Bill. Good night.”
Dr. Archie saw his guest to the motor which was waiting below, and then went back to his library, where he replenished the fire and sat down for a long smoke. A man of Archie’s modest and rather credulous nature develops late, and makes his largest gain between forty and fifty. At thirty, indeed, as we have seen, Archie was a soft-hearted boy under a manly exterior, still whistling to keep up his courage. Prosperity and large responsibilities—above all, getting free of poor Mrs. Archie—had brought out a good deal more than he knew was in him. He was thinking tonight as he sat before the fire, in the comfort he liked so well, that but for lucky chances, and lucky holes in the ground, he would still be a country practitioner, reading his old books by his office lamp. And yet, he was not so fresh and energetic as he ought to be. He was tired of business and of politics. Worse than that, he was tired of the men with whom he had to do and of the women who, as he said, had been kind to him. He felt as if he were still hunting for something, like old Jasper Flight. He knew that this was an unbecoming and ungrateful state of mind, and he reproached himself for it. But he could not help wondering why it was that life, even when it gave so much, after all gave so little. What was it that he had expected and missed? Why was he, more than he was anything else, disappointed?
Dr. Archie escorted his guest to the waiting car below and then returned to his library, where he stoked the fire and settled in for a long smoke. A man like Archie, who was modest and somewhat gullible, typically develops later in life and tends to see his biggest successes between the ages of forty and fifty. At thirty, as we've seen, Archie was a soft-hearted guy beneath a masculine exterior, still whistling to boost his courage. His success and significant responsibilities—especially getting away from poor Mrs. Archie—had revealed much more of his potential than he realized. As he sat in front of the fire tonight, enjoying the comfort he liked so much, he reflected that if it weren’t for fortunate chances and lucky investments, he would still be a rural doctor, poring over his old books by the light of his office lamp. However, he wasn’t as fresh and energetic as he should be. He was tired of business and politics. Even worse, he was weary of the men he dealt with and the women who, as he put it, had been kind to him. He felt as if he were still searching for something, like old Jasper Flight. He understood that this mindset was ungrateful and unbecoming, and he chastised himself for it. But he couldn't shake the feeling that, despite all that life had offered him, it still felt like it had given so little. What had he expected to find and ultimately missed? Why did he feel more disappointed than anything else?
He fell to looking back over his life and asking himself which years of it he would like to live over again,—just as they had been,—and they were not many. His college years he would live again, gladly. After them there was nothing he would care to repeat until he came to Thea Kronborg. There had been something stirring about those years in Moonstone, when he was a restless young man on the verge of breaking into larger enterprises, and when she was a restless child on the verge of growing up into something unknown. He realized now that she had counted for a great deal more to him than he knew at the time. It was a continuous sort of relationship. He was always on the lookout for her as he went about the town, always vaguely expecting her as he sat in his office at night. He had never asked himself then if it was strange that he should find a child of twelve the most interesting and companionable person in Moonstone. It had seemed a pleasant, natural kind of solicitude. He explained it then by the fact that he had no children of his own. But now, as he looked back at those years, the other interests were faded and inanimate. The thought of them was heavy. But wherever his life had touched Thea Kronborg’s, there was still a little warmth left, a little sparkle. Their friendship seemed to run over those discontented years like a leafy pattern, still bright and fresh when the other patterns had faded into the dull background. Their walks and drives and confidences, the night they watched the rabbit in the moonlight,—why were these things stirring to remember? Whenever he thought of them, they were distinctly different from the other memories of his life; always seemed humorous, gay, with a little thrill of anticipation and mystery about them. They came nearer to being tender secrets than any others he possessed. Nearer than anything else they corresponded to what he had hoped to find in the world, and had not found. It came over him now that the unexpected favors of fortune, no matter how dazzling, do not mean very much to us. They may excite or divert us for a time, but when we look back, the only things we cherish are those which in some way met our original want; the desire which formed in us in early youth, undirected, and of its own accord.
He started reflecting on his life and wondering which years he would want to relive—exactly as they were—and they weren't many. He would gladly live through his college years again. After that, there was nothing he wanted to repeat until he got to Thea Kronborg. Those years in Moonstone were significant; he was a restless young man on the brink of larger ventures, and she was a restless child about to grow into something unknown. He realized now that she meant a lot more to him than he understood at the time. It was a continuous relationship. He was always looking for her as he moved around town, always faintly expecting her while sitting in his office at night. He never questioned back then why he found a twelve-year-old girl the most interesting and enjoyable person in Moonstone. It felt like a natural kind of care. He explained it to himself then by saying he had no kids of his own. But now, looking back at those years, the other interests seemed dull and lifeless. Thinking of them felt heavy. Yet wherever his life had intersected with Thea Kronborg's, a bit of warmth and sparkle remained. Their friendship broke through those discontented years like a vibrant pattern still bright and fresh while others faded into the dull background. Their walks, drives, and secrets, the night they watched the rabbit in the moonlight—why were these memories so stirring? Whenever he recalled them, they felt distinctly different from the other memories of his life; they always seemed humorous, joyful, with a thrill of anticipation and mystery surrounding them. They came closer to being tender secrets than any others he had. They aligned more with what he had hoped to find in the world but never did. It struck him now that unexpected good fortune, no matter how dazzling, doesn’t mean much to us. They may excite or entertain us for a time, but when we look back, the only things we truly treasure are those that somehow fulfilled our original desires, the longings that formed in us in our early youth, guided and undisguised.
III
For the first four years after Thea went to Germany things went on as usual with the Kronborg family. Mrs. Kronborg’s land in Nebraska increased in value and brought her in a good rental. The family drifted into an easier way of living, half without realizing it, as families will. Then Mr. Kronborg, who had never been ill, died suddenly of cancer of the liver, and after his death Mrs. Kronborg went, as her neighbors said, into a decline. Hearing discouraging reports of her from the physician who had taken over his practice, Dr. Archie went up from Denver to see her. He found her in bed, in the room where he had more than once attended her, a handsome woman of sixty with a body still firm and white, her hair, faded now to a very pale primrose, in two thick braids down her back, her eyes clear and calm. When the doctor arrived, she was sitting up in her bed, knitting. He felt at once how glad she was to see him, but he soon gathered that she had made no determination to get well. She told him, indeed, that she could not very well get along without Mr. Kronborg. The doctor looked at her with astonishment. Was it possible that she could miss the foolish old man so much? He reminded her of her children.
For the first four years after Thea moved to Germany, things went on as usual for the Kronborg family. Mrs. Kronborg’s land in Nebraska appreciated in value and brought in a good rental income. The family gradually slipped into an easier lifestyle, almost without realizing it, as families tend to do. Then Mr. Kronborg, who had never been sick, suddenly died of liver cancer, and after his death, Mrs. Kronborg, as her neighbors put it, went into a decline. After hearing discouraging updates from the doctor who took over his practice, Dr. Archie traveled up from Denver to see her. He found her in bed in the room where he had attended her more than once—a beautiful woman of sixty, still with a firm and pale body, her hair now a very light primrose, woven into two thick braids down her back, and her eyes clear and calm. When the doctor arrived, she was sitting up in bed knitting. He immediately sensed how happy she was to see him, but he quickly realized that she had no intention of getting better. She actually told him that she found it hard to cope without Mr. Kronborg. The doctor stared at her in astonishment. Could she really miss that silly old man so much? He reminded her of her children.
“Yes,” she replied; “the children are all very well, but they are not father. We were married young.”
“Yes,” she replied, “the kids are all doing great, but they’re not their dad. We got married young.”
The doctor watched her wonderingly as she went on knitting, thinking how much she looked like Thea. The difference was one of degree rather than of kind. The daughter had a compelling enthusiasm, the mother had none. But their framework, their foundation, was very much the same.
The doctor watched her in amazement as she continued knitting, thinking about how much she resembled Thea. The difference between them was one of degree rather than kind. The daughter had a strong enthusiasm, while the mother had none. But their structure, their foundation, was very similar.
In a moment Mrs. Kronborg spoke again. “Have you heard anything from Thea lately?”
In a moment, Mrs. Kronborg spoke again. “Have you heard from Thea recently?”
During his talk with her, the doctor gathered that what Mrs. Kronborg really wanted was to see her daughter Thea. Lying there day after day, she wanted it calmly and continuously. He told her that, since she felt so, he thought they might ask Thea to come home.
During his conversation with her, the doctor realized that what Mrs. Kronborg really wanted was to see her daughter Thea. Lying there day after day, she wanted it patiently and consistently. He told her that since she felt this way, he thought they could ask Thea to come home.
“I’ve thought a good deal about it,” said Mrs. Kronborg slowly. “I hate to interrupt her, now that she’s begun to get advancement. I expect she’s seen some pretty hard times, though she was never one to complain. Perhaps she’d feel that she would like to come. It would be hard, losing both of us while she’s off there.”
“I’ve put a lot of thought into it,” Mrs. Kronborg said slowly. “I really don’t want to interrupt her now that she’s starting to make progress. I’m sure she’s been through some tough times, although she never complained. Maybe she’d actually want to come. It would be difficult to lose both of us while she’s over there.”
When Dr. Archie got back to Denver he wrote a long letter to Thea, explaining her mother’s condition and how much she wished to see her, and asking Thea to come, if only for a few weeks. Thea had repaid the money she had borrowed from him, and he assured her that if she happened to be short of funds for the journey, she had only to cable him.
When Dr. Archie returned to Denver, he wrote a long letter to Thea, explaining her mother’s condition, how much her mother wanted to see her, and asking Thea to come, even if just for a few weeks. Thea had paid back the money she borrowed from him, and he reassured her that if she was short on funds for the trip, she just needed to send him a cable.
A month later he got a frantic sort of reply from Thea. Complications in the opera at Dresden had given her an unhoped-for opportunity to go on in a big part. Before this letter reached the doctor, she would have made her debut as Elizabeth, in “Tannhäuser.” She wanted to go to her mother more than she wanted anything else in the world, but, unless she failed,—which she would not,—she absolutely could not leave Dresden for six months. It was not that she chose to stay; she had to stay—or lose everything. The next few months would put her five years ahead, or would put her back so far that it would be of no use to struggle further. As soon as she was free, she would go to Moonstone and take her mother back to Germany with her. Her mother, she was sure, could live for years yet, and she would like German people and German ways, and could be hearing music all the time. Thea said she was writing her mother and begging her to help her one last time; to get strength and to wait for her six months, and then she (Thea) would do everything. Her mother would never have to make an effort again.
A month later, Thea sent a frantic reply. Complications in the opera at Dresden had given her an unexpected chance to take on a major role. By the time this letter reached the doctor, she would have made her debut as Elizabeth in “Tannhäuser.” She wanted to see her mother more than anything else in the world, but unless she failed—which she wouldn’t—she absolutely couldn’t leave Dresden for six months. It wasn’t a matter of choice; she had to stay or risk losing everything. The next few months could put her five years ahead or set her back so far that continuing wouldn’t even be worthwhile. As soon as she was free, she planned to go to Moonstone and bring her mother back to Germany with her. She was sure her mother could live for years yet, would enjoy German people and customs, and could be listening to music all the time. Thea mentioned she was writing to her mother, pleading for help one last time; to find strength and wait for six months, and then she (Thea) would take care of everything. Her mother would never have to struggle again.
Dr. Archie went up to Moonstone at once. He had great confidence in Mrs. Kronborg’s power of will, and if Thea’s appeal took hold of her enough, he believed she might get better. But when he was shown into the familiar room off the parlor, his heart sank. Mrs. Kronborg was lying serene and fateful on her pillows. On the dresser at the foot of her bed there was a large photograph of Thea in the character in which she was to make her debut. Mrs. Kronborg pointed to it.
Dr. Archie immediately went up to Moonstone. He had a lot of faith in Mrs. Kronborg’s willpower, and he thought that if Thea’s plea resonated with her enough, she might improve. But when he entered the familiar room off the parlor, his heart sank. Mrs. Kronborg was lying peacefully and with a sense of destiny on her pillows. On the dresser at the foot of her bed, there was a large photo of Thea in the role she was about to debut. Mrs. Kronborg pointed to it.
“Isn’t she lovely, doctor? It’s nice that she hasn’t changed much. I’ve seen her look like that many a time.”
“Isn’t she beautiful, doctor? It’s great that she hasn’t changed much. I’ve seen her look like that many times.”
They talked for a while about Thea’s good fortune. Mrs. Kronborg had had a cablegram saying, “First performance well received. Great relief.” In her letter Thea said; “If you’ll only get better, dear mother, there’s nothing I can’t do. I will make a really great success, if you’ll try with me. You shall have everything you want, and we will always be together. I have a little house all picked out where we are to live.”
They chatted for a bit about Thea’s good luck. Mrs. Kronborg had received a cable saying, “First performance well received. What a relief.” In her letter, Thea wrote, “If you just get better, dear Mom, there’s nothing I can’t accomplish. I will achieve great success, if you’ll support me. You’ll have everything you want, and we’ll always be together. I have a small house all picked out for us to live in.”
“Bringing up a family is not all it’s cracked up to be,” said Mrs. Kronborg with a flicker of irony, as she tucked the letter back under her pillow. “The children you don’t especially need, you have always with you, like the poor. But the bright ones get away from you. They have their own way to make in the world. Seems like the brighter they are, the farther they go. I used to feel sorry that you had no family, doctor, but maybe you’re as well off.”
“Raising a family isn't as great as people make it out to be,” Mrs. Kronborg said with a hint of irony, tucking the letter back under her pillow. “The kids you don't really need are always around, like the poor. But the smart ones slip away. They carve out their own paths in the world. It seems like the smarter they are, the further they go. I used to feel sorry that you had no family, doctor, but maybe you're better off.”
“Thea’s plan seems sound to me, Mrs. Kronborg. There’s no reason I can see why you shouldn’t pull up and live for years yet, under proper care. You’d have the best doctors in the world over there, and it would be wonderful to live with anybody who looks like that.” He nodded at the photograph of the young woman who must have been singing “Dich, theure Halle, grüss’ ich wieder,” her eyes looking up, her beautiful hands outspread with pleasure.
“Thea’s plan makes sense to me, Mrs. Kronborg. I don’t see any reason why you can’t move on and live for many more years, as long as you have the right care. You’d have the best doctors in the world over there, and it would be amazing to be around someone who looks like that.” He nodded at the photo of the young woman who must have been singing “Dich, theure Halle, grüss’ ich wieder,” her eyes looking up, her beautiful hands spread wide with joy.
Mrs. Kronborg laughed quite cheerfully. “Yes, wouldn’t it? If father were here, I might rouse myself. But sometimes it’s hard to come back. Or if she were in trouble, maybe I could rouse myself.”
Mrs. Kronborg laughed happily. “Yes, wouldn’t it? If dad were here, I might get motivated. But sometimes it’s tough to get back into it. Or if she were in trouble, maybe I could find the energy.”
“But, dear Mrs. Kronborg, she is in trouble,” her old friend expostulated. “As she says, she’s never needed you as she needs you now. I make my guess that she’s never begged anybody to help her before.”
“But, dear Mrs. Kronborg, she’s in trouble,” her old friend protested. “As she says, she’s never needed you as much as she does now. I’d bet she’s never asked anyone for help before.”
Mrs. Kronborg smiled. “Yes, it’s pretty of her. But that will pass. When these things happen far away they don’t make such a mark; especially if your hands are full and you’ve duties of your own to think about. My own father died in Nebraska when Gunner was born,—we were living in Iowa then,—and I was sorry, but the baby made it up to me. I was father’s favorite, too. That’s the way it goes, you see.”
Mrs. Kronborg smiled. “Yeah, it’s nice of her. But that won’t last. When these things happen far away, they don’t leave much of an impression; especially if you’re busy and have your own responsibilities to deal with. My dad died in Nebraska when Gunner was born—we were living in Iowa then—and I felt sad, but the baby made it better. I was my dad’s favorite, too. That’s just the way it is, you know.”
The doctor took out Thea’s letter to him, and read it over to Mrs. Kronborg. She seemed to listen, and not to listen.
The doctor pulled out Thea’s letter to him and read it to Mrs. Kronborg. She seemed to pay attention but also appeared distracted.
When he finished, she said thoughtfully: “I’d counted on hearing her sing again. But I always took my pleasures as they come. I always enjoyed her singing when she was here about the house. While she was practicing I often used to leave my work and sit down in a rocker and give myself up to it, the same as if I’d been at an entertainment. I was never one of these housekeepers that let their work drive them to death. And when she had the Mexicans over here, I always took it in. First and last,”—she glanced judicially at the photograph,—“I guess I got about as much out of Thea’s voice as anybody will ever get.”
When he finished, she said thoughtfully, “I was really looking forward to hearing her sing again. But I’ve always taken pleasure as it comes. I always enjoyed her singing when she was around the house. While she was practicing, I often used to stop what I was doing, sit down in a rocking chair, and just sink into it like I was at a show. I was never one of those housekeepers who let their work wear them out. And when she had the Mexicans over, I always took it all in. All things considered,"—she glanced critically at the photograph,—“I think I got as much out of Thea’s voice as anyone ever will.”
“I guess you did!” the doctor assented heartily; “and I got a good deal myself. You remember how she used to sing those Scotch songs for me, and lead us with her head, her hair bobbing?”
“I guess you did!” the doctor agreed enthusiastically; “and I got a lot out of it too. You remember how she used to sing those Scottish songs for me, and guide us with her head, her hair bouncing?”
“‘Flow Gently, Sweet Afton,’—I can hear it now,” said Mrs. Kronborg; “and poor father never knew when he sang sharp! He used to say, ‘Mother, how do you always know when they make mistakes practicing?’” Mrs. Kronborg chuckled.
“‘Flow Gently, Sweet Afton,’—I can hear it now,” said Mrs. Kronborg. “And poor dad never realized when he sang out of tune! He used to ask, ‘Mom, how do you always know when they mess up while practicing?’” Mrs. Kronborg laughed.
Dr. Archie took her hand, still firm like the hand of a young woman. “It was lucky for her that you did know. I always thought she got more from you than from any of her teachers.”
Dr. Archie took her hand, still strong like the hand of a young woman. “It was fortunate for her that you knew. I always believed she learned more from you than from any of her teachers.”
“Except Wunsch; he was a real musician,” said Mrs. Kronborg respectfully. “I gave her what chance I could, in a crowded house. I kept the other children out of the parlor for her. That was about all I could do. If she wasn’t disturbed, she needed no watching. She went after it like a terrier after rats from the first, poor child. She was downright afraid of it. That’s why I always encouraged her taking Thor off to outlandish places. When she was out of the house, then she was rid of it.”
“Except for Wunsch; he was a true musician,” Mrs. Kronborg said with respect. “I did everything I could for her in a busy house. I kept the other kids out of the living room for her. That was about it. If she wasn’t bothered, she didn’t need supervision. From the very beginning, she went after it like a little terrier chasing after rats, poor thing. She was really scared of it. That’s why I always supported her taking Thor to unusual places. When she was out of the house, she could escape it.”
After they had recalled many pleasant memories together, Mrs. Kronborg said suddenly: “I always understood about her going off without coming to see us that time. Oh, I know! You had to keep your own counsel. You were a good friend to her. I’ve never forgot that.” She patted the doctor’s sleeve and went on absently. “There was something she didn’t want to tell me, and that’s why she didn’t come. Something happened when she was with those people in Mexico. I worried for a good while, but I guess she’s come out of it all right. She’d had a pretty hard time, scratching along alone like that when she was so young, and my farms in Nebraska were down so low that I couldn’t help her none. That’s no way to send a girl out. But I guess, whatever there was, she wouldn’t be afraid to tell me now.” Mrs. Kronborg looked up at the photograph with a smile. “She doesn’t look like she was beholding to anybody, does she?”
After they had reminisced about many good times together, Mrs. Kronborg suddenly said, “I always understood why she didn’t come to see us that time. Oh, I know! You had to keep it to yourself. You were a good friend to her. I’ve never forgotten that.” She patted the doctor’s sleeve and continued absentmindedly. “There was something she didn’t want to tell me, and that’s why she didn’t come. Something happened when she was with those people in Mexico. I worried for a long time, but I guess she got through it all right. She had a tough time getting by on her own at such a young age, and my farms in Nebraska were doing so poorly that I couldn’t help her at all. That’s no way to send a girl out into the world. But I guess, whatever it was, she wouldn’t be afraid to tell me now.” Mrs. Kronborg looked up at the photograph with a smile. “She doesn’t look like she owed anything to anyone, does she?”
“She isn’t, Mrs. Kronborg. She never has been. That was why she borrowed the money from me.”
“She isn’t, Mrs. Kronborg. She never has been. That’s why she borrowed the money from me.”
“Oh, I knew she’d never have sent for you if she’d done anything to shame us. She was always proud.” Mrs. Kronborg paused and turned a little on her side. “It’s been quite a satisfaction to you and me, doctor, having her voice turn out so fine. The things you hope for don’t always turn out like that, by a long sight. As long as old Mrs. Kohler lived, she used always to translate what it said about Thea in the German papers she sent. I could make some of it out myself,—it’s not very different from Swedish,—but it pleased the old lady. She left Thea her piece-picture of the burning of Moscow. I’ve got it put away in moth-balls for her, along with the oboe her grandfather brought from Sweden. I want her to take father’s oboe back there some day.” Mrs. Kronborg paused a moment and compressed her lips. “But I guess she’ll take a finer instrument than that with her, back to Sweden!” she added.
“Oh, I knew she wouldn’t have asked for you if she’d done anything to embarrass us. She was always proud.” Mrs. Kronborg paused and shifted a bit on her side. “It’s been really satisfying for you and me, doctor, having her voice turn out so beautifully. The things you hope for don’t always turn out that way, not by a long shot. As long as old Mrs. Kohler was alive, she always translated what the German papers said about Thea that she sent. I could figure some of it out myself—it’s not that different from Swedish—but it made the old lady happy. She left Thea her picture of the burning of Moscow. I’ve got it stored away in mothballs for her, along with the oboe her grandfather brought from Sweden. I want her to take her father’s oboe back there someday.” Mrs. Kronborg paused for a moment and pressed her lips together. “But I guess she’ll take a nicer instrument than that with her back to Sweden!” she added.
Her tone fairly startled the doctor, it was so vibrating with a fierce, defiant kind of pride he had heard often in Thea’s voice. He looked down wonderingly at his old friend and patient. After all, one never knew people to the core. Did she, within her, hide some of that still passion of which her daughter was all-compact?
Her tone surprised the doctor; it was filled with a fierce, defiant pride he had often heard in Thea's voice. He looked down in amazement at his old friend and patient. After all, you never really know people completely. Did she, deep down, possess some of that same passion that defined her daughter?
“That last summer at home wasn’t very nice for her,” Mrs. Kronborg began as placidly as if the fire had never leaped up in her. “The other children were acting-up because they thought I might make a fuss over her and give her the big-head. We gave her the dare, somehow, the lot of us, because we couldn’t understand her changing teachers and all that. That’s the trouble about giving the dare to them quiet, unboastful children; you never know how far it’ll take ’em. Well, we ought not to complain, doctor; she’s given us a good deal to think about.”
“That last summer at home wasn’t very nice for her,” Mrs. Kronborg started calmly, as if the fire hadn’t flared up inside her. “The other kids were acting out because they thought I might make a fuss over her and inflate her ego. We all dared her in some way because we couldn’t understand why she was switching teachers and all that. That’s the problem with daring those quiet, humble kids; you never know how far it’ll push them. Well, we shouldn’t complain, doctor; she’s given us a lot to think about.”
The next time Dr. Archie came to Moonstone, he came to be a pall-bearer at Mrs. Kronborg’s funeral. When he last looked at her, she was so serene and queenly that he went back to Denver feeling almost as if he had helped to bury Thea Kronborg herself. The handsome head in the coffin seemed to him much more really Thea than did the radiant young woman in the picture, looking about at the Gothic vaultings and greeting the Hall of Song.
The next time Dr. Archie visited Moonstone, he came to be a pallbearer at Mrs. Kronborg’s funeral. When he last saw her, she looked so peaceful and regal that he returned to Denver feeling almost as if he had helped to bury Thea Kronborg herself. The beautiful face in the coffin struck him as much more representative of Thea than the vibrant young woman in the picture, who was gazing around at the Gothic architecture and welcoming the Hall of Song.
IV
One bright morning late in February Dr. Archie was breakfasting comfortably at the Waldorf. He had got into Jersey City on an early train, and a red, windy sunrise over the North River had given him a good appetite. He consulted the morning paper while he drank his coffee and saw that “Lohengrin” was to be sung at the opera that evening. In the list of the artists who would appear was the name “Kronborg.” Such abruptness rather startled him. “Kronborg”: it was impressive and yet, somehow, disrespectful; somewhat rude and brazen, on the back page of the morning paper. After breakfast he went to the hotel ticket office and asked the girl if she could give him something for “Lohengrin,” “near the front.” His manner was a trifle awkward and he wondered whether the girl noticed it. Even if she did, of course, she could scarcely suspect. Before the ticket stand he saw a bunch of blue posters announcing the opera casts for the week. There was “Lohengrin,” and under it he saw:—
One bright morning in late February, Dr. Archie was enjoying a comfortable breakfast at the Waldorf. He had arrived in Jersey City on an early train, and a red, windy sunrise over the North River had given him quite the appetite. While sipping his coffee, he checked the morning paper and noticed that “Lohengrin” was set to be performed at the opera that evening. Among the list of artists scheduled to appear was the name “Kronborg.” The abruptness of it caught him off guard. “Kronborg”: it sounded impressive yet somehow disrespectful; a bit rude and brazen to see it on the back page of the morning paper. After breakfast, he went to the hotel ticket office and asked the woman if she could get him something for “Lohengrin,” “near the front.” He felt slightly awkward and wondered if she noticed. Even if she did, she surely couldn’t guess. In front of the ticket counter, he saw a cluster of blue posters announcing the opera casts for the week. There was “Lohengrin,” and below it he saw:—
Elsa von Brabant . . . . Thea Kronborg.
Elsa von Brabant . . . . Thea Kronborg.
That looked better. The girl gave him a ticket for a seat which she said was excellent. He paid for it and went out to the cabstand. He mentioned to the driver a number on Riverside Drive and got into a taxi. It would not, of course, be the right thing to call upon Thea when she was going to sing in the evening. He knew that much, thank goodness! Fred Ottenburg had hinted to him that, more than almost anything else, that would put one in wrong.
That looked better. The girl handed him a ticket for a seat that she said was great. He paid for it and headed to the taxi stand. He told the driver a number on Riverside Drive and got into a cab. It wouldn’t be the right thing to visit Thea when she was going to sing that evening. He knew that much, thank goodness! Fred Ottenburg had hinted to him that, more than almost anything else, that would upset things.
When he reached the number to which he directed his letters, he dismissed the cab and got out for a walk. The house in which Thea lived was as impersonal as the Waldorf, and quite as large. It was above 116th Street, where the Drive narrows, and in front of it the shelving bank dropped to the North River. As Archie strolled about the paths which traversed this slope, below the street level, the fourteen stories of the apartment hotel rose above him like a perpendicular cliff. He had no idea on which floor Thea lived, but he reflected, as his eye ran over the many windows, that the outlook would be fine from any floor. The forbidding hugeness of the house made him feel as if he had expected to meet Thea in a crowd and had missed her. He did not really believe that she was hidden away behind any of those glittering windows, or that he was to hear her this evening. His walk was curiously uninspiring and unsuggestive. Presently remembering that Ottenburg had encouraged him to study his lesson, he went down to the opera house and bought a libretto. He had even brought his old “Adler’s German and English” in his trunk, and after luncheon he settled down in his gilded suite at the Waldorf with a big cigar and the text of “Lohengrin.”
When he arrived at the address he was looking for, he got out of the cab and decided to take a walk. The building where Thea lived was just as impersonal and big as the Waldorf. It was located above 116th Street, where the Drive gets narrower, and in front of it, the sloping bank dropped down to the North River. As Archie wandered along the pathways that cut through the slope below street level, the fourteen stories of the apartment hotel loomed above him like a sheer cliff. He had no clue which floor Thea lived on, but he thought, as he looked at the many windows, that the view would be great from any level. The intimidating size of the building made him feel like he had hoped to see Thea in a crowd but then missed her. He didn’t genuinely believe she was hiding behind any of those sparkling windows or that he would hear from her that evening. His walk was oddly unmotivating and uninspiring. Remembering that Ottenburg had encouraged him to study, he made his way down to the opera house and bought a libretto. He had even packed his old “Adler’s German and English” in his suitcase, and after lunch, he settled into his fancy suite at the Waldorf with a big cigar and the text of “Lohengrin.”
The opera was announced for seven-forty-five, but at half-past seven Archie took his seat in the right front of the orchestra circle. He had never been inside the Metropolitan Opera House before, and the height of the audience room, the rich color, and the sweep of the balconies were not without their effect upon him. He watched the house fill with a growing feeling of expectation. When the steel curtain rose and the men of the orchestra took their places, he felt distinctly nervous. The burst of applause which greeted the conductor keyed him still higher. He found that he had taken off his gloves and twisted them to a string. When the lights went down and the violins began the overture, the place looked larger than ever; a great pit, shadowy and solemn. The whole atmosphere, he reflected, was somehow more serious than he had anticipated.
The opera was set for 7:45, but at 7:30, Archie took his seat at the front right of the orchestra circle. He had never been inside the Metropolitan Opera House before, and the high ceiling, rich colors, and sweeping balconies definitely had an impact on him. He watched the audience fill up with a growing sense of excitement. When the steel curtain went up and the orchestra members took their places, he felt noticeably nervous. The wave of applause that welcomed the conductor raised his anxiety even more. He realized he had taken off his gloves and twisted them into a string. As the lights dimmed and the violins began the overture, the place felt bigger than ever; a vast, shadowy, solemn pit. He thought the whole atmosphere was somehow more serious than he had expected.
After the curtains were drawn back upon the scene beside the Scheldt, he got readily into the swing of the story. He was so much interested in the bass who sang King Henry that he had almost forgotten for what he was waiting so nervously, when the Herald began in stentorian tones to summon Elsa Von Brabant. Then he began to realize that he was rather frightened. There was a flutter of white at the back of the stage, and women began to come in: two, four, six, eight, but not the right one. It flashed across him that this was something like buck-fever, the paralyzing moment that comes upon a man when his first elk looks at him through the bushes, under its great antlers; the moment when a man’s mind is so full of shooting that he forgets the gun in his hand until the buck nods adieu to him from a distant hill.
After the curtains were pulled back to reveal the scene by the Scheldt, he quickly got into the flow of the story. He was so engrossed by the bass singing King Henry that he had almost forgotten how anxiously he was waiting when the Herald started calling for Elsa Von Brabant in a loud voice. Then he began to realize that he was feeling quite scared. There was a flash of white at the back of the stage, and women started coming in: two, four, six, eight, but not the one he was waiting for. It struck him that this feeling was similar to buck fever, the paralyzing moment that hits a man when he first sees an elk peering at him through the bushes, with its massive antlers; the moment when a man is so focused on shooting that he forgets the gun in his hand until the buck bids him farewell from a distant hill.
All at once, before the buck had left him, she was there. Yes, unquestionably it was she. Her eyes were downcast, but the head, the cheeks, the chin—there could be no mistake; she advanced slowly, as if she were walking in her sleep. Some one spoke to her; she only inclined her head. He spoke again, and she bowed her head still lower. Archie had forgotten his libretto, and he had not counted upon these long pauses. He had expected her to appear and sing and reassure him. They seemed to be waiting for her. Did she ever forget? Why in thunder didn’t she—She made a sound, a faint one. The people on the stage whispered together and seemed confounded. His nervousness was absurd. She must have done this often before; she knew her bearings. She made another sound, but he could make nothing of it. Then the King sang to her, and Archie began to remember where they were in the story. She came to the front of the stage, lifted her eyes for the first time, clasped her hands and began, “Einsam in trüben Tagen.”
All of a sudden, before the buck had left him, she was there. Yes, without a doubt, it was her. Her eyes were downcast, but the face, the cheeks, the chin—there was no mistake; she moved slowly, as if she were in a dream. Someone spoke to her; she only nodded. He spoke again, and she lowered her head even more. Archie had forgotten his script and hadn't anticipated these long pauses. He expected her to show up, sing, and comfort him. They all seemed to be waiting for her. Did she ever forget? Why on earth didn’t she—She made a sound, a faint one. The people on stage whispered to each other, looking confused. His anxiety was ridiculous. She must have done this many times before; she knew what to do. She made another sound, but he couldn’t understand it. Then the King sang to her, and Archie began to remember where they were in the story. She stepped to the front of the stage, lifted her eyes for the first time, clasped her hands, and started, “Einsam in trüben Tagen.”
Yes, it was exactly like buck-fever. Her face was there, toward the house now, before his eyes, and he positively could not see it. She was singing, at last, and he positively could not hear her. He was conscious of nothing but an uncomfortable dread and a sense of crushing disappointment. He had, after all, missed her. Whatever was there, she was not there—for him.
Yes, it was just like buck-fever. Her face was there, toward the house now, in front of him, and he just couldn’t see it. She was finally singing, and he just couldn’t hear her. All he felt was an uncomfortable dread and a sense of overwhelming disappointment. He had, after all, missed her. Whatever was there, she was not there—for him.
The King interrupted her. She began again, “In lichter Waffen Scheine.” Archie did not know when his buckfever passed, but presently he found that he was sitting quietly in a darkened house, not listening to but dreaming upon a river of silver sound. He felt apart from the others, drifting alone on the melody, as if he had been alone with it for a long while and had known it all before. His power of attention was not great just then, but in so far as it went he seemed to be looking through an exalted calmness at a beautiful woman from far away, from another sort of life and feeling and understanding than his own, who had in her face something he had known long ago, much brightened and beautified. As a lad he used to believe that the faces of people who died were like that in the next world; the same faces, but shining with the light of a new understanding. No, Ottenburg had not prepared him!
The King interrupted her. She started again, “In lichter Waffen Scheine.” Archie didn't realize when his nervousness faded, but soon he found himself sitting quietly in a dim house, not really listening but lost in a flow of silver sound. He felt separate from the others, drifting alone on the melody, as if he had been with it for a long time and already knew it. His ability to focus was limited at that moment, but as much as he could, he seemed to be gazing through a peaceful calm at a beautiful woman from far away, from a different kind of life and understanding than his own, who had something in her face that he recognized from long ago, but now appeared brighter and more beautiful. As a kid, he believed that the faces of people who died looked like that in the next world; the same faces, but glowing with the light of new insight. No, Ottenburg had not prepared him!
What he felt was admiration and estrangement. The homely reunion, that he had somehow expected, now seemed foolish. Instead of feeling proud that he knew her better than all these people about him, he felt chagrined at his own ingenuousness. For he did not know her better. This woman he had never known; she had somehow devoured his little friend, as the wolf ate up Red Ridinghood. Beautiful, radiant, tender as she was, she chilled his old affection; that sort of feeling was not appropriate. She seemed much, much farther away from him than she had seemed all those years when she was in Germany. The ocean he could cross, but there was something here he could not cross. There was a moment, when she turned to the King and smiled that rare, sunrise smile of her childhood, when he thought she was coming back to him. After the Herald’s second call for her champion, when she knelt in her impassioned prayer, there was again something familiar, a kind of wild wonder that she had had the power to call up long ago. But she merely reminded him of Thea; this was not the girl herself.
What he felt was admiration and alienation. The cozy reunion he had somehow anticipated now seemed silly. Instead of feeling proud that he knew her better than all the people around him, he felt embarrassed by his own naivety. Because he didn’t know her better. This woman he had never really known; she had somehow consumed his little friend, like the wolf devoured Little Red Riding Hood. Beautiful, radiant, and tender as she was, she chilled his old feelings; that kind of affection didn’t seem appropriate. She felt much, much more distant from him than she had when she was in Germany all those years ago. He could cross the ocean, but there was something here he couldn’t bridge. There was a moment when she turned to the King and smiled that rare, sunny smile from her childhood, and he thought she was coming back to him. After the Herald’s second call for her champion, when she knelt in her passionate prayer, there was again something familiar, a kind of wild wonder that she had the power to evoke long ago. But she only reminded him of Thea; this wasn't the girl herself.
After the tenor came on, the doctor ceased trying to make the woman before him fit into any of his cherished recollections. He took her, in so far as he could, for what she was then and there. When the knight raised the kneeling girl and put his mailed hand on her hair, when she lifted to him a face full of worship and passionate humility, Archie gave up his last reservation. He knew no more about her than did the hundreds around him, who sat in the shadow and looked on, as he looked, some with more understanding, some with less. He knew as much about Ortrude or Lohengrin as he knew about Elsa—more, because she went further than they, she sustained the legendary beauty of her conception more consistently. Even he could see that. Attitudes, movements, her face, her white arms and fingers, everything was suffused with a rosy tenderness, a warm humility, a gracious and yet—to him—wholly estranging beauty.
After the tenor came on, the doctor stopped trying to make the woman in front of him fit into any of his favorite memories. He accepted her, as best as he could, for who she was in that moment. When the knight lifted the kneeling girl and placed his armored hand on her hair, and when she looked up at him with a face full of adoration and deep humility, Archie let go of his last hesitation. He realized he didn’t know any more about her than the hundreds around him, who sat in the shadows watching, some with more understanding, some with less. He knew as much about Ortrude or Lohengrin as he did about Elsa—actually more, because she surpassed them, embodying the legendary beauty of her story more consistently. Even he could see that. Her attitudes, movements, her face, her white arms and fingers—everything was filled with a tender warmth, a gentle humility, and a beauty that, while gracious, felt completely alien to him.
During the balcony singing in the second act the doctor’s thoughts were as far away from Moonstone as the singer’s doubtless were. He had begun, indeed, to feel the exhilaration of getting free from personalities, of being released from his own past as well as from Thea Kronborg’s. It was very much, he told himself, like a military funeral, exalting and impersonal. Something old died in one, and out of it something new was born. During the duet with Ortrude, and the splendors of the wedding processional, this new feeling grew and grew. At the end of the act there were many curtain calls and Elsa acknowledged them, brilliant, gracious, spirited, with her far-breaking smile; but on the whole she was harder and more self-contained before the curtain than she was in the scene behind it. Archie did his part in the applause that greeted her, but it was the new and wonderful he applauded, not the old and dear. His personal, proprietary pride in her was frozen out.
During the balcony singing in the second act, the doctor’s thoughts were as distant from Moonstone as the singer’s probably were. He had started to feel the excitement of breaking free from personal connections, letting go of his own past as well as Thea Kronborg’s. It felt a lot like a military funeral, uplifting and impersonal. Something old ended, and from it something new emerged. During the duet with Ortrude and the gorgeous wedding processional, this new feeling intensified. By the end of the act, there were many curtain calls, and Elsa graciously acknowledged them, shining, elegant, and lively, with her dazzling smile; but overall, she seemed tougher and more composed in front of the curtain than she had been behind it. Archie joined in the applause for her, but it was the new and amazing that he cheered for, not the familiar and cherished. His personal pride in her had vanished.
He walked about the house during the entr’acte, and here and there among the people in the foyer he caught the name “Kronborg.” On the staircase, in front of the coffeeroom, a long-haired youth with a fat face was discoursing to a group of old women about “die Kronborg.” Dr. Archie gathered that he had crossed on the boat with her.
He walked around the house during the entr’acte, and here and there among the crowd in the foyer he heard the name “Kronborg.” On the staircase, in front of the coffee room, a long-haired young man with a chubby face was talking to a group of older women about “die Kronborg.” Dr. Archie got the impression that he had traveled on the boat with her.
After the performance was over, Archie took a taxi and started for Riverside Drive. He meant to see it through to-night. When he entered the reception hall of the hotel before which he had strolled that morning, the hall porter challenged him. He said he was waiting for Miss Kronborg. The porter looked at him suspiciously and asked whether he had an appointment. He answered brazenly that he had. He was not used to being questioned by hall boys. Archie sat first in one tapestry chair and then in another, keeping a sharp eye on the people who came in and went up in the elevators. He walked about and looked at his watch. An hour dragged by. No one had come in from the street now for about twenty minutes, when two women entered, carrying a great many flowers and followed by a tall young man in chauffeur’s uniform. Archie advanced toward the taller of the two women, who was veiled and carried her head very firmly. He confronted her just as she reached the elevator. Although he did not stand directly in her way, something in his attitude compelled her to stop. She gave him a piercing, defiant glance through the white scarf that covered her face. Then she lifted her hand and brushed the scarf back from her head. There was still black on her brows and lashes. She was very pale and her face was drawn and deeply lined. She looked, the doctor told himself with a sinking heart, forty years old. Her suspicious, mystified stare cleared slowly.
After the performance ended, Archie hopped in a taxi and headed for Riverside Drive. He was determined to see it through tonight. When he walked into the hotel reception area he’d strolled past that morning, the doorman stopped him. He said he was waiting for Miss Kronborg. The doorman eyed him suspiciously and asked if he had an appointment. Archie boldly replied that he did. He wasn't used to being questioned by bellhops. He sat first in one tapestry chair and then in another, keeping a keen eye on the people coming in and using the elevators. He walked around and checked his watch. An hour crawled by. No one had come in from the street for about twenty minutes when two women walked in, carrying a ton of flowers and followed by a tall young man in a chauffeur's uniform. Archie approached the taller of the two women, who was veiled and held her head high. He confronted her just as she reached the elevator. Although he wasn’t blocking her, something about his stance made her stop. She gave him a piercing, defiant look through the white scarf covering her face. Then she lifted her hand and pushed the scarf back from her head. There was still black on her brows and lashes. She was very pale, and her face was drawn and deeply lined. She looked, the doctor thought with a sinking heart, forty years old. Her suspicious, confused stare slowly cleared.
“Pardon me,” the doctor murmured, not knowing just how to address her here before the porters, “I came up from the opera. I merely wanted to say good-night to you.”
“Excuse me,” the doctor said softly, unsure how to speak to her in front of the porters, “I just came from the opera. I just wanted to say goodnight to you.”
Without speaking, still looking incredulous, she pushed him into the elevator. She kept her hand on his arm while the cage shot up, and she looked away from him, frowning, as if she were trying to remember or realize something. When the cage stopped, she pushed him out of the elevator through another door, which a maid opened, into a square hall. There she sank down on a chair and looked up at him.
Without saying a word, still looking shocked, she pushed him into the elevator. She kept her hand on his arm while the elevator shot up, and she turned her gaze away from him, frowning, as if she were trying to remember or figure something out. When the elevator stopped, she urged him out through another door, which a maid opened, into a square hall. There, she sank into a chair and looked up at him.
“Why didn’t you let me know?” she asked in a hoarse voice.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a raspy voice.
Archie heard himself laughing the old, embarrassed laugh that seldom happened to him now. “Oh, I wanted to take my chance with you, like anybody else. It’s been so long, now!”
Archie found himself laughing the awkward, shy laugh that rarely came out anymore. “Oh, I wanted to have my shot with you, just like everyone else. It’s been such a long time!”
She took his hand through her thick glove and her head dropped forward. “Yes, it has been long,” she said in the same husky voice, “and so much has happened.”
She took his hand through her thick glove and her head fell forward. “Yes, it has been a long time,” she said in the same husky voice, “and so much has happened.”
“And you are so tired, and I am a clumsy old fellow to break in on you to-night,” the doctor added sympathetically. “Forgive me, this time.” He bent over and put his hand soothingly on her shoulder. He felt a strong shudder run through her from head to foot.
“And you’re so tired, and I’m such a clumsy old guy for interrupting you tonight,” the doctor said kindly. “Please forgive me this time.” He leaned over and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. He felt her tremble strongly from head to toe.
Still bundled in her fur coat as she was, she threw both arms about him and hugged him. “Oh, Dr. Archie, Dr. Archie,”—she shook him,—“don’t let me go. Hold on, now you’re here,” she laughed, breaking away from him at the same moment and sliding out of her fur coat. She left it for the maid to pick up and pushed the doctor into the sitting-room, where she turned on the lights. “Let me look at you. Yes; hands, feet, head, shoulders—just the same. You’ve grown no older. You can’t say as much for me, can you?”
Still bundled in her fur coat, she threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Oh, Dr. Archie, Dr. Archie,”—she shook him—“don’t let me go. Hold on, now that you’re here,” she laughed, breaking away from him at the same moment and sliding out of her fur coat. She left it for the maid to pick up and pushed the doctor into the sitting room, where she turned on the lights. “Let me look at you. Yes; hands, feet, head, shoulders—just the same. You haven’t aged at all. You can’t say the same for me, can you?”
She was standing in the middle of the room, in a white silk shirtwaist and a short black velvet skirt, which somehow suggested that they had ‘cut off her petticoats all round about.’ She looked distinctly clipped and plucked. Her hair was parted in the middle and done very close to her head, as she had worn it under the wig. She looked like a fugitive, who had escaped from something in clothes caught up at hazard. It flashed across Dr. Archie that she was running away from the other woman down at the opera house, who had used her hardly.
She stood in the middle of the room, wearing a white silk blouse and a short black velvet skirt, which made it seem like someone had cut off her petticoats all around. She looked noticeably clipped and plucked. Her hair was parted down the middle and styled very close to her head, just like it had been under the wig. She resembled a runaway who had escaped from something, dressed in random clothes. It suddenly struck Dr. Archie that she was trying to get away from the other woman at the opera house, who had treated her poorly.
He took a step toward her. “I can’t tell a thing in the world about you, Thea—if I may still call you that.”
He stepped closer to her. “I can't tell anything at all about you, Thea—if I can still call you that.”
She took hold of the collar of his overcoat. “Yes, call me that. Do: I like to hear it. You frighten me a little, but I expect I frighten you more. I’m always a scarecrow after I sing a long part like that—so high, too.” She absently pulled out the handkerchief that protruded from his breast pocket and began to wipe the black paint off her eyebrows and lashes. “I can’t take you in much to-night, but I must see you for a little while.” She pushed him to a chair. “I shall be more recognizable to-morrow. You mustn’t think of me as you see me to-night. Come at four to-morrow afternoon and have tea with me. Can you? That’s good.”
She grabbed the collar of his overcoat. “Yeah, call me that. Please, I like to hear it. You do scare me a bit, but I bet I scare you even more. I always feel like a scarecrow after I sing a long part like that—so high, too.” She distractedly pulled out the handkerchief sticking out of his breast pocket and started wiping the black paint off her eyebrows and lashes. “I can’t spend much time with you tonight, but I need to see you for a little while.” She pushed him into a chair. “I’ll be more recognizable tomorrow. Don’t think of me like this tonight. Come at four tomorrow afternoon and have tea with me. Can you? That sounds good.”
She sat down in a low chair beside him and leaned forward, drawing her shoulders together. She seemed to him inappropriately young and inappropriately old, shorn of her long tresses at one end and of her long robes at the other.
She sat down in a low chair next to him and leaned forward, pulling her shoulders together. To him, she seemed both too young and too old at the same time, having lost her long hair on one side and her long dress on the other.
“How do you happen to be here?” she asked abruptly. “How can you leave a silver mine? I couldn’t! Sure nobody’ll cheat you? But you can explain everything tomorrow.” She paused. “You remember how you sewed me up in a poultice, once? I wish you could to-night. I need a poultice, from top to toe. Something very disagreeable happened down there. You said you were out front? Oh, don’t say anything about it. I always know exactly how it goes, unfortunately. I was rotten in the balcony. I never get that. You didn’t notice it? Probably not, but I did.”
“How did you end up here?” she asked suddenly. “How could you leave a silver mine? I couldn’t! Are you sure nobody will take advantage of you? But you can explain everything tomorrow.” She paused. “Do you remember how you once bandaged me up in a poultice? I wish you could do that tonight. I need a poultice, from head to toe. Something really unpleasant happened down there. You said you were outside? Oh, please don’t say anything about it. I always somehow know what happened, unfortunately. I was terrible in the balcony. I can never get that right. You didn’t notice it? Probably not, but I did.”
Here the maid appeared at the door and her mistress rose. “My supper? Very well, I’ll come. I’d ask you to stay, doctor, but there wouldn’t be enough for two. They seldom send up enough for one,”—she spoke bitterly. “I haven’t got a sense of you yet,”—turning directly to Archie again. “You haven’t been here. You’ve only announced yourself, and told me you are coming to-morrow. You haven’t seen me, either. This is not I. But I’ll be here waiting for you to-morrow, my whole works! Goodnight, till then.” She patted him absently on the sleeve and gave him a little shove toward the door.
Here the maid showed up at the door, and her mistress got up. “My dinner? Alright, I’ll come. I’d invite you to stay, doctor, but there wouldn’t be enough for two. They hardly send up enough for one,”—she said bitterly. “I still don’t really know you,”—turning directly to Archie again. “You haven’t been here. You’ve just announced yourself and told me you’re coming tomorrow. You haven’t seen me, either. This isn’t really me. But I’ll be here waiting for you tomorrow, all set! Goodnight, until then.” She absentmindedly patted him on the sleeve and gave him a little push toward the door.
V
When Archie got back to his hotel at two o’clock in the morning, he found Fred Ottenburg’s card under his door, with a message scribbled across the top: “When you come in, please call up room 811, this hotel.” A moment later Fred’s voice reached him over the telephone.
When Archie returned to his hotel at 2 AM, he discovered Fred Ottenburg's card under his door, with a note written on top: "When you get in, please call room 811 in this hotel." A moment later, Fred's voice came through the phone.
“That you, Archie? Won’t you come up? I’m having some supper and I’d like company. Late? What does that matter? I won’t keep you long.”
“Is that you, Archie? Why don’t you come up? I’m having some dinner and I’d love some company. It’s late? What does that matter? I won’t hold you up for long.”
Archie dropped his overcoat and set out for room 811. He found Ottenburg in the act of touching a match to a chafing-dish, at a table laid for two in his sitting-room. “I’m catering here,” he announced cheerfully. “I let the waiter off at midnight, after he’d set me up. You’ll have to account for yourself, Archie.”
Archie dropped his overcoat and headed for room 811. He found Ottenburg in the middle of lighting a match for a chafing dish, at a table set for two in his living room. “I’m doing the cooking here,” he said cheerfully. “I let the waiter go at midnight after he got everything ready for me. You'll have to take care of yourself, Archie.”
The doctor laughed, pointing to three wine-coolers under the table. “Are you expecting guests?”
The doctor chuckled, pointing to three wine coolers under the table. “Are you expecting company?”
“Yes, two.” Ottenburg held up two fingers,—“you, and my higher self. He’s a thirsty boy, and I don’t invite him often. He has been known to give me a headache. Now, where have you been, Archie, until this shocking hour?”
“Yes, two.” Ottenburg held up two fingers, “you and my higher self. He’s a thirsty guy, and I don’t invite him over often. He tends to give me a headache. Now, where have you been, Archie, until this late hour?”
“Bah, you’ve been banting!” the doctor exclaimed, pulling out his white gloves as he searched for his handkerchief and throwing them into a chair. Ottenburg was in evening clothes and very pointed dress shoes. His white waistcoat, upon which the doctor had fixed a challenging eye, went down straight from the top button, and he wore a camelia. He was conspicuously brushed and trimmed and polished. His smoothly controlled excitement was wholly different from his usual easy cordiality, though he had his face, as well as his figure, well in hand. On the serving-table there was an empty champagne pint and a glass. He had been having a little starter, the doctor told himself, and would probably be running on high gear before he got through. There was even now an air of speed about him.
“Ugh, you've been dieting!” the doctor said, pulling out his white gloves as he looked for his handkerchief and tossing them onto a chair. Ottenburg was dressed in evening attire and sharp dress shoes. His white waistcoat, which the doctor had fixed a critical eye on, hung straight from the top button, and he wore a camellia. He was noticeably well-groomed and polished. His calmly controlled excitement was completely different from his usual easy friendliness, though he had both his face and figure well under control. On the serving table, there was an empty champagne pint and a glass. He had just been having a small appetizer, the doctor thought to himself, and would likely be in high gear by the time he finished. There was even now a sense of urgency about him.
“Been, Freddy?”—the doctor at last took up his question. “I expect I’ve been exactly where you have. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming on?”
“Been, Freddy?”—the doctor finally responded to his question. “I guess I’ve been exactly where you have. Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?”
“I wasn’t, Archie.” Fred lifted the cover of the chafingdish and stirred the contents. He stood behind the table, holding the lid with his handkerchief. “I had never thought of such a thing. But Landry, a young chap who plays her accompaniments and who keeps an eye out for me, telegraphed me that Madame Rheinecker had gone to Atlantic City with a bad throat, and Thea might have a chance to sing Elsa. She has sung it only twice here before, and I missed it in Dresden. So I came on. I got in at four this afternoon and saw you registered, but I thought I wouldn’t butt in. How lucky you got here just when she was coming on for this. You couldn’t have hit a better time.” Ottenburg stirred the contents of the dish faster and put in more sherry. “And where have you been since twelve o’clock, may I ask?”
“I wasn’t, Archie.” Fred lifted the cover of the chafing dish and stirred the contents. He stood behind the table, holding the lid with his handkerchief. “I had never thought of such a thing. But Landry, a young guy who plays her accompaniments and keeps an eye on me, messaged me that Madame Rheinecker had gone to Atlantic City with a bad throat, and Thea might have a chance to sing Elsa. She’s only sung it twice here before, and I missed it in Dresden. So I came on. I arrived at four this afternoon and saw you registered, but I thought I wouldn’t interrupt. How lucky you got here just when she was about to perform this. You couldn’t have timed it better.” Ottenburg stirred the contents of the dish faster and added more sherry. “And where have you been since twelve o’clock, if I may ask?”
Archie looked rather self-conscious, as he sat down on a fragile gilt chair that rocked under him, and stretched out his long legs. “Well, if you’ll believe me, I had the brutality to go to see her. I wanted to identify her. Couldn’t wait.”
Archie looked pretty self-conscious as he sat down on a delicate gold chair that wobbled beneath him and stretched out his long legs. “Well, if you’ll believe me, I had the nerve to go visit her. I wanted to see who she was. I couldn’t wait.”
Ottenburg placed the cover quickly on the chafing-dish and took a step backward. “You did, old sport? My word! None but the brave deserve the fair. Well,”—he stooped to turn the wine,—“and how was she?”
Ottenburg quickly covered the chafing dish and stepped back. “You did, my friend? No way! Only the brave deserve the beautiful. Well,”—he bent down to pour the wine,—“so how was she?”
“She seemed rather dazed, and pretty well used up. She seemed disappointed in herself, and said she hadn’t done herself justice in the balcony scene.”
“She looked kind of dazed and pretty worn out. She seemed disappointed in herself and said she hadn’t done a good job in the balcony scene.”
“Well, if she didn’t, she’s not the first. Beastly stuff to sing right in there; lies just on the ‘break’ in the voice.” Fred pulled a bottle out of the ice and drew the cork. Lifting his glass he looked meaningly at Archie. “You know who, doctor. Here goes!” He drank off his glass with a sigh of satisfaction. After he had turned the lamp low under the chafing-dish, he remained standing, looking pensively down at the food on the table. “Well, she rather pulled it off! As a backer, you’re a winner, Archie. I congratulate you.” Fred poured himself another glass. “Now you must eat something, and so must I. Here, get off that bird cage and find a steady chair. This stuff ought to be rather good; head waiter’s suggestion. Smells all right.” He bent over the chafing-dish and began to serve the contents. “Perfectly innocuous: mushrooms and truffles and a little crab-meat. And now, on the level, Archie, how did it hit you?”
"Well, if she didn’t, she’s not the first. Awful stuff to sing right in there; lies just on the 'break' in the voice." Fred pulled a bottle out of the ice and popped the cork. Raising his glass, he gave Archie a knowing look. "You know who, doctor. Here goes!" He downed his drink with a satisfied sigh. After lowering the lamp over the chafing dish, he stood there, gazing pensively at the food on the table. "Well, she really pulled it off! As a supporter, you’re a winner, Archie. Congrats." Fred poured himself another glass. "Now you need to eat something, and so do I. Come on, get off that bird cage and find a solid chair. This should be pretty good; it’s the head waiter’s suggestion. Smells fine." He leaned over the chafing dish and started serving the food. "Perfectly harmless: mushrooms, truffles, and a bit of crab meat. So, really, Archie, how did it hit you?"
Archie turned a frank smile to his friend and shook his head. “It was all miles beyond me, of course, but it gave me a pulse. The general excitement got hold of me, I suppose. I like your wine, Freddy.” He put down his glass. “It goes to the spot to-night. She was all right, then? You weren’t disappointed?”
Archie smiled openly at his friend and shook his head. “It was way beyond my understanding, of course, but it got me going. I guess the overall excitement just caught me up. I really like your wine, Freddy.” He set down his glass. “It really hits the spot tonight. So, she was alright then? You weren’t let down?”
“Disappointed? My dear Archie, that’s the high voice we dream of; so pure and yet so virile and human. That combination hardly ever happens with sopranos.” Ottenburg sat down and turned to the doctor, speaking calmly and trying to dispel his friend’s manifest bewilderment. “You see, Archie, there’s the voice itself, so beautiful and individual, and then there’s something else; the thing in it which responds to every shade of thought and feeling, spontaneously, almost unconsciously. That color has to be born in a singer, it can’t be acquired; lots of beautiful voices haven’t a vestige of it. It’s almost like another gift—the rarest of all. The voice simply is the mind and is the heart. It can’t go wrong in interpretation, because it has in it the thing that makes all interpretation. That’s why you feel so sure of her. After you’ve listened to her for an hour or so, you aren’t afraid of anything. All the little dreads you have with other artists vanish. You lean back and you say to yourself, ‘No, that voice will never betray.’ Treulich geführt, treulich bewacht.”
“Disappointed? My dear Archie, that’s the kind of voice we dream about; so pure yet so strong and human. That combination is really rare in sopranos.” Ottenburg sat down and turned to the doctor, speaking calmly and trying to ease his friend’s clear confusion. “You see, Archie, there’s the voice itself, so beautiful and unique, and then there’s something else; the quality that responds to every nuance of thought and feeling, almost instinctively. That quality has to be innate in a singer; it can’t be learned. Many beautiful voices lack even a hint of it. It’s almost like a different talent—the rarest of all. The voice truly reflects the mind and heart. It can’t go wrong in its interpretation, because it has within it what makes all interpretation meaningful. That’s why you feel so confident in her. After you’ve listened to her for about an hour, you don’t worry about anything. All the little fears you have with other artists fade away. You relax and think to yourself, ‘No, that voice will never betray me.’ Treulich geführt, treulich bewacht.”
Archie looked envyingly at Fred’s excited, triumphant face. How satisfactory it must be, he thought, to really know what she was doing and not to have to take it on hearsay. He took up his glass with a sigh. “I seem to need a good deal of cooling off to-night. I’d just as lief forget the Reform Party for once.
Archie looked enviously at Fred’s thrilled, victorious face. How satisfying it must be, he thought, to actually know what she was doing instead of just hearing about it. He picked up his glass with a sigh. “I really need to cool off tonight. I’d just as soon forget about the Reform Party for once."
“Yes, Fred,” he went on seriously; “I thought it sounded very beautiful, and I thought she was very beautiful, too. I never imagined she could be as beautiful as that.”
“Yes, Fred,” he continued earnestly; “I thought it sounded really beautiful, and I thought she was very beautiful, too. I never imagined she could be that beautiful.”
“Wasn’t she? Every attitude a picture, and always the right kind of picture, full of that legendary, supernatural thing she gets into it. I never heard the prayer sung like that before. That look that came in her eyes; it went right out through the back of the roof. Of course, you get an Elsa who can look through walls like that, and visions and Grail-knights happen naturally. She becomes an abbess, that girl, after Lohengrin leaves her. She’s made to live with ideas and enthusiasms, not with a husband.” Fred folded his arms, leaned back in his chair, and began to sing softly:—
“Wasn’t she? Every attitude like a picture, and always the right kind of picture, full of that legendary, otherworldly quality she brings to it. I’ve never heard the prayer sung like that before. That look in her eyes; it seemed to shine right through the roof. Of course, if you have an Elsa who can see through walls like that, visions and Grail knights come naturally. She’s destined to become an abbess, that girl, after Lohengrin leaves her. She’s meant to live with ideas and passions, not with a husband.” Fred crossed his arms, leaned back in his chair, and began to sing softly:—
“In lichter Waffen Scheine,
Ein Ritter nahte da.”
“In bright weapon light,
A knight approached there.”
“Doesn’t she die, then, at the end?” the doctor asked guardedly.
“Doesn’t she die at the end, then?” the doctor asked cautiously.
Fred smiled, reaching under the table. “Some Elsas do; she didn’t. She left me with the distinct impression that she was just beginning. Now, doctor, here’s a cold one.” He twirled a napkin smoothly about the green glass, the cork gave and slipped out with a soft explosion. “And now we must have another toast. It’s up to you, this time.”
Fred smiled and reached under the table. “Some Elsas do; she didn’t. She made it clear that she was just getting started. Now, doctor, here’s a cold one.” He expertly wrapped a napkin around the green glass, and the cork popped out with a soft explosion. “And now we have to make another toast. It’s your turn this time.”
The doctor watched the agitation in his glass. “The same,” he said without lifting his eyes. “That’s good enough. I can’t raise you.”
The doctor watched the swirling drink in his glass. “Same as before,” he said without looking up. “That’s fine. I can’t help you.”
Fred leaned forward, and looked sharply into his face. “That’s the point; how could you raise me? Once again!”
Fred leaned forward and stared intently into his face. “That’s the point; how could you raise me? Once again!”
“Once again, and always the same!” The doctor put down his glass. “This doesn’t seem to produce any symptoms in me to-night.” He lit a cigar. “Seriously, Freddy, I wish I knew more about what she’s driving at. It makes me jealous, when you are so in it and I’m not.”
“Once again, and always the same!” The doctor set down his glass. “I don’t feel any symptoms tonight.” He lit a cigar. “Seriously, Freddy, I wish I understood more about what she’s up to. It makes me jealous when you’re so involved and I’m not.”
“In it?” Fred started up. “My God, haven’t you seen her this blessed night?—when she’d have kicked any other man down the elevator shaft, if I know her. Leave me something; at least what I can pay my five bucks for.”
“In it?” Fred exclaimed. “Oh my God, haven’t you seen her tonight?—she would have kicked any other guy down the elevator shaft, if you ask me. Just leave me something; at least I can pay my five bucks for it.”
“Seems to me you get a good deal for your five bucks,” said Archie ruefully. “And that, after all, is what she cares about,—what people get.”
“Looks to me like you get a good deal for your five bucks,” Archie said with a hint of sadness. “And that’s really what she cares about—what people get.”
Fred lit a cigarette, took a puff or two, and then threw it away. He was lounging back in his chair, and his face was pale and drawn hard by that mood of intense concentration which lurks under the sunny shallows of the vineyard. In his voice there was a longer perspective than usual, a slight remoteness. “You see, Archie, it’s all very simple, a natural development. It’s exactly what Mahler said back there in the beginning, when she sang Woglinde. It’s the idea, the basic idea, pulsing behind every bar she sings. She simplifies a character down to the musical idea it’s built on, and makes everything conform to that. The people who chatter about her being a great actress don’t seem to get the notion of where she gets the notion. It all goes back to her original endowment, her tremendous musical talent. Instead of inventing a lot of business and expedients to suggest character, she knows the thing at the root, and lets the musical pattern take care of her. The score pours her into all those lovely postures, makes the light and shadow go over her face, lifts her and drops her. She lies on it, the way she used to lie on the Rhine music. Talk about rhythm!”
Fred lit a cigarette, took a couple of puffs, and then tossed it away. He was leaning back in his chair, his face pale and tense from that deep concentration hidden beneath the sunny surface of the vineyard. His voice held a longer perspective than usual, a hint of distance. “You see, Archie, it's all pretty straightforward, a natural progression. It’s exactly what Mahler said back at the beginning, when she sang Woglinde. It’s the concept, the core idea, pulsing behind every note she sings. She simplifies a character down to the musical idea it’s based on and makes everything fit that. The people who talk about her being a great actress don’t seem to understand where she gets the concept. It all goes back to her original gift, her incredible musical talent. Instead of coming up with a bunch of actions and tricks to suggest character, she understands the fundamental essence and lets the musical flow guide her. The score embodies her in all those beautiful poses, shapes the light and shadow on her face, lifts her up and brings her down. She lies in it, just like she used to lie in the Rhine music. Talk about rhythm!”
The doctor frowned dubiously as a third bottle made its appearance above the cloth. “Aren’t you going in rather strong?”
The doctor frowned skeptically as a third bottle emerged from under the cloth. “Aren’t you being a bit excessive?”
Fred laughed. “No, I’m becoming too sober. You see this is breakfast now; kind of wedding breakfast. I feel rather weddingish. I don’t mind. You know,” he went on as the wine gurgled out, “I was thinking to-night when they sprung the wedding music, how any fool can have that stuff played over him when he walks up the aisle with some dough-faced little hussy who’s hooked him. But it isn’t every fellow who can see—well, what we saw tonight. There are compensations in life, Dr. Howard Archie, though they come in disguise. Did you notice her when she came down the stairs? Wonder where she gets that bright-and-morning star look? Carries to the last row of the family circle. I moved about all over the house. I’ll tell you a secret, Archie: that carrying power was one of the first things that put me wise. Noticed it down there in Arizona, in the open. That, I said, belongs only to the big ones.” Fred got up and began to move rhythmically about the room, his hands in his pockets. The doctor was astonished at his ease and steadiness, for there were slight lapses in his speech. “You see, Archie, Elsa isn’t a part that’s particularly suited to Thea’s voice at all, as I see her voice. It’s over-lyrical for her. She makes it, but there’s nothing in it that fits her like a glove, except, maybe, that long duet in the third act. There, of course,”—he held out his hands as if he were measuring something,—“we know exactly where we are. But wait until they give her a chance at something that lies properly in her voice, and you’ll see me rosier than I am to-night.”
Fred laughed. “No, I’m getting too serious. You see, this is breakfast now; kind of a wedding breakfast. I feel a bit wedding-ish. I don't mind. You know,” he continued as the wine poured out, “I was thinking tonight when the wedding music started, how any fool can have that stuff played for him when he walks down the aisle with some dough-faced girl who's got him wrapped around her finger. But it's not every guy who can see—well, what we saw tonight. There are upsides in life, Dr. Howard Archie, even if they come in disguise. Did you notice her when she came down the stairs? I wonder where she gets that bright-and-morning-star look? It reaches all the way to the last row of the family circle. I moved around the whole house. I’ll tell you a secret, Archie: that kind of presence was one of the first things that clued me in. I noticed it down in Arizona, out in the open. I thought, that kind of presence belongs only to the great ones.” Fred got up and started to move rhythmically around the room, his hands in his pockets. The doctor was amazed by his ease and steadiness, even though there were slight slips in his speech. “You see, Archie, Elsa isn’t a part that’s really suited to Thea’s voice, as I hear it. It’s too lyrical for her. She handles it, but there’s nothing in it that fits her perfectly, except maybe that long duet in the third act. There, of course,”—he held out his hands as if he were measuring something—“we know exactly where we stand. But wait until they give her a chance at something that suits her voice, and you’ll see me happier than I am tonight.”
Archie smoothed the tablecloth with his hand. “I am sure I don’t want to see you any rosier, Fred.”
Archie ran his hand over the tablecloth. “I really don’t want to see you any more cheerful, Fred.”
Ottenburg threw back his head and laughed. “It’s enthusiasm, doctor. It’s not the wine. I’ve got as much inflated as this for a dozen trashy things: brewers’ dinners and political orgies. You, too, have your extravagances, Archie. And what I like best in you is this particular enthusiasm, which is not at all practical or sensible, which is downright Quixotic. You are not altogether what you seem, and you have your reservations. Living among the wolves, you have not become one. Lupibus vivendi non lupus sum.”
Ottenburg raised his head and laughed. “It’s enthusiasm, doctor. It’s not the wine. I can get just as excited about a dozen pointless things: brewery dinners and political parties. You have your own excesses, Archie. And what I like most about you is this particular enthusiasm, which isn't practical or sensible, and is outright Quixotic. You’re not entirely what you seem, and you have your doubts. Surrounded by wolves, you haven’t become one. Lupibus vivendi non lupus sum.”
The doctor seemed embarrassed. “I was just thinking how tired she looked, plucked of all her fine feathers, while we get all the fun. Instead of sitting here carousing, we ought to go solemnly to bed.”
The doctor looked embarrassed. “I was just thinking how tired she looked, stripped of all her beauty, while we have all the fun. Instead of sitting here partying, we should go quietly to bed.”
“I get your idea.” Ottenburg crossed to the window and threw it open. “Fine night outside; a hag of a moon just setting. It begins to smell like morning. After all, Archie, think of the lonely and rather solemn hours we’ve spent waiting for all this, while she’s been—reveling.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Ottenburg walked over to the window and threw it open. “It’s a beautiful night outside; a nasty moon just set. It’s starting to smell like morning. After all, Archie, think about the lonely and pretty serious hours we’ve spent waiting for all this, while she’s been—partying.”
Archie lifted his brows. “I somehow didn’t get the idea to-night that she revels much.”
Archie raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t get the sense tonight that she enjoys herself much.”
“I don’t mean this sort of thing.” Fred turned toward the light and stood with his back to the window. “That,” with a nod toward the wine-cooler, “is only a cheap imitation, that any poor stiff-fingered fool can buy and feel his shell grow thinner. But take it from me, no matter what she pays, or how much she may see fit to lie about it, the real, the master revel is hers.” He leaned back against the window sill and crossed his arms. “Anybody with all that voice and all that talent and all that beauty, has her hour. Her hour,” he went on deliberately, “when she can say, ‘there it is, at last, wie im Traum ich—
“I don't mean this kind of thing.” Fred turned toward the light and stood with his back to the window. “That,” he said, nodding toward the wine cooler, “is just a cheap imitation that any clumsy fool can buy and feel his shell grow thinner. But believe me, no matter what she pays or how much she might lie about it, the real, the master revel belongs to her.” He leaned back against the window sill and crossed his arms. “Anyone with that voice, that talent, and that beauty has her moment. Her moment,” he continued deliberately, “when she can say, ‘there it is, at last, wie im Traum ich—
“‘As in my dream I dreamed it,
As in my will it was.’”
“‘Just as I dreamed it in my dream,
So it was in my will.’”
He stood silent a moment, twisting the flower from his coat by the stem and staring at the blank wall with haggard abstraction. “Even I can say to-night, Archie,” he brought out slowly,
He stood quiet for a moment, twisting the flower from his coat by the stem and staring at the blank wall with a tired expression. “Even I can say tonight, Archie,” he said slowly,
“‘As in my dream I dreamed it,
As in my will it was.’
“‘As I dreamed it in my dream,
As I intended it to be.’”
Now, doctor, you may leave me. I’m beautifully drunk, but not with anything that ever grew in France.”
Now, doctor, you can go. I’m wonderfully drunk, but not from anything that ever came from France.
The doctor rose. Fred tossed his flower out of the window behind him and came toward the door. “I say,” he called, “have you a date with anybody?”
The doctor got up. Fred threw his flower out the window behind him and walked toward the door. “Hey,” he called, “do you have a date with anyone?”
The doctor paused, his hand on the knob. “With Thea, you mean? Yes. I’m to go to her at four this afternoon—if you haven’t paralyzed me.”
The doctor paused, his hand on the doorknob. “You mean with Thea? Yes. I’m supposed to see her at four this afternoon—if you haven’t left me unable to move.”
“Well, you won’t eat me, will you, if I break in and send up my card? She’ll probably turn me down cold, but that won’t hurt my feelings. If she ducks me, you tell her for me, that to spite me now she’d have to cut off more than she can spare. Good-night, Archie.”
"Well, you won’t eat me, will you, if I break in and send up my card? She’ll probably reject me outright, but that won’t hurt my feelings. If she avoids me, you tell her for me that to spite me now she’d have to give up more than she can afford. Good night, Archie."
VI
It was late on the morning after the night she sang Elsa, when Thea Kronborg stirred uneasily in her bed. The room was darkened by two sets of window shades, and the day outside was thick and cloudy. She turned and tried to recapture unconsciousness, knowing that she would not be able to do so. She dreaded waking stale and disappointed after a great effort. The first thing that came was always the sense of the futility of such endeavor, and of the absurdity of trying too hard. Up to a certain point, say eighty degrees, artistic endeavor could be fat and comfortable, methodical and prudent. But if you went further than that, if you drew yourself up toward ninety degrees, you parted with your defenses and left yourself exposed to mischance. The legend was that in those upper reaches you might be divine; but you were much likelier to be ridiculous. Your public wanted just about eighty degrees; if you gave it more it blew its nose and put a crimp in you. In the morning, especially, it seemed to her very probable that whatever struggled above the good average was not quite sound. Certainly very little of that superfluous ardor, which cost so dear, ever got across the footlights. These misgivings waited to pounce upon her when she wakened. They hovered about her bed like vultures.
It was late the morning after the night she sang Elsa, when Thea Kronborg tossed uncomfortably in her bed. The room was darkened by two layers of window shades, and outside, the day was thick and cloudy. She turned over and tried to fall back asleep, knowing she wouldn’t succeed. She dreaded waking up feeling stale and disappointed after putting in so much effort. The first thing that hit her was always the sense of futility in such endeavors, and the absurdity of trying too hard. Up to a certain point, say eighty degrees, artistic effort could feel comfortable, methodical, and sensible. But if you pushed beyond that, if you reached for ninety degrees, you let down your guard and made yourself vulnerable to misfortune. The myth was that in those higher realms you could be divine; but you were much more likely to look ridiculous. Your audience wanted about eighty degrees; if you gave them more, they’d blow their noses and bring you down a notch. In the morning, especially, it seemed very likely to her that whatever strived beyond the average wasn’t quite right. Certainly, very little of that extra passion, which took so much effort, ever made it across the stage. These doubts were ready to pounce on her when she woke up. They hovered around her bed like vultures.
She reached under her pillow for her handkerchief, without opening her eyes. She had a shadowy memory that there was to be something unusual, that this day held more disquieting possibilities than days commonly held. There was something she dreaded; what was it? Oh, yes, Dr. Archie was to come at four.
She reached under her pillow for her handkerchief without opening her eyes. She had a vague memory that something unusual was about to happen, that this day had more unsettling possibilities than typical days. There was something she was afraid of; what was it? Oh, right, Dr. Archie was coming at four.
A reality like Dr. Archie, poking up out of the past, reminded one of disappointments and losses, of a freedom that was no more: reminded her of blue, golden mornings long ago, when she used to waken with a burst of joy at recovering her precious self and her precious world; when she never lay on her pillows at eleven o’clock like something the waves had washed up. After all, why had he come? It had been so long, and so much had happened. The things she had lost, he would miss readily enough. What she had gained, he would scarcely perceive. He, and all that he recalled, lived for her as memories. In sleep, and in hours of illness or exhaustion, she went back to them and held them to her heart. But they were better as memories. They had nothing to do with the struggle that made up her actual life. She felt drearily that she was not flexible enough to be the person her old friend expected her to be, the person she herself wished to be with him.
A reality like Dr. Archie, rising up from the past, reminded her of disappointments and losses, of a freedom that was gone: it reminded her of blue, golden mornings long ago when she used to wake up with a burst of joy at rediscovering her precious self and her precious world; when she didn’t lie on her pillows at eleven o’clock like something washed ashore by the waves. After all, why had he come? It had been so long, and so much had happened. The things she had lost, he would notice right away. What she had gained, he would hardly see. He, and everything he remembered, existed for her as memories. In her sleep, and during times of illness or exhaustion, she went back to them and held them close to her heart. But they were better as memories. They had nothing to do with the struggle that made up her real life. She felt tiredly that she wasn’t flexible enough to be the person her old friend expected her to be, the person she herself wished to be with him.
Thea reached for the bell and rang twice,—a signal to her maid to order her breakfast. She rose and ran up the window shades and turned on the water in her bathroom, glancing into the mirror apprehensively as she passed it. Her bath usually cheered her, even on low mornings like this. Her white bathroom, almost as large as her sleeping-room, she regarded as a refuge. When she turned the key behind her, she left care and vexation on the other side of the door. Neither her maid nor the management nor her letters nor her accompanist could get at her now.
Thea reached for the bell and rang it twice, signaling her maid to get her breakfast. She got up, pulled up the window shades, and turned on the water in her bathroom, glancing nervously at her reflection as she walked by. Her bath usually lifted her spirits, even on gloomy mornings like this. She saw her white bathroom, nearly as big as her bedroom, as a sanctuary. When she locked the door behind her, she left her worries and stress on the other side. Now, neither her maid, the staff, her letters, nor her accompanist could reach her.
When she pinned her braids about her head, dropped her nightgown and stepped out to begin her Swedish movements, she was a natural creature again, and it was so that she liked herself best. She slid into the tub with anticipation and splashed and tumbled about a good deal. Whatever else she hurried, she never hurried her bath. She used her brushes and sponges and soaps like toys, fairly playing in the water. Her own body was always a cheering sight to her. When she was careworn, when her mind felt old and tired, the freshness of her physical self, her long, firm lines, the smoothness of her skin, reassured her. This morning, because of awakened memories, she looked at herself more carefully than usual, and was not discouraged. While she was in the tub she began to whistle softly the tenor aria, “Ah! Fuyez, douce image,” somehow appropriate to the bath. After a noisy moment under the cold shower, she stepped out on the rug flushed and glowing, threw her arms above her head, and rose on her toes, keeping the elevation as long as she could. When she dropped back on her heels and began to rub herself with the towels, she took up the aria again, and felt quite in the humor for seeing Dr. Archie. After she had returned to her bed, the maid brought her letters and the morning papers with her breakfast.
When she pinned her braids up around her head, took off her nightgown, and stepped out to start her Swedish exercises, she felt like her true self again, and that was when she liked herself the most. She slid into the tub with excitement and splashed around a lot. No matter what else she rushed through, she never rushed her bath. She treated her brushes, sponges, and soaps like toys, really enjoying herself in the water. Her own body was always a comforting sight to her. When she felt worn out and her mind felt old and tired, the freshness of her physical self—her long, strong lines and the smoothness of her skin—gave her reassurance. That morning, due to some revived memories, she examined herself more closely than usual and wasn’t disheartened. While she was in the tub, she started to softly whistle the tenor aria, “Ah! Fuyez, douce image,” which somehow fit the moment. After a loud burst under the cold shower, she stepped out onto the rug, flushed and glowing, raised her arms above her head, and stood on her toes, holding the position for as long as she could. When she came back down on her heels and started drying herself with the towels, she picked up the aria again and felt fully in the mood to see Dr. Archie. After she returned to her bed, the maid brought her letters and the morning papers along with her breakfast.
“Telephone Mr. Landry and ask him if he can come at half-past three, Theresa, and order tea to be brought up at five.”
“Call Mr. Landry and ask him if he can come at 3:30, Theresa, and order tea to be brought up at 5.”
When Howard Archie was admitted to Thea’s apartment that afternoon, he was shown into the music-room back of the little reception room. Thea was sitting in a davenport behind the piano, talking to a young man whom she later introduced as her friend Mr. Landry. As she rose, and came to meet him, Archie felt a deep relief, a sudden thankfulness. She no longer looked clipped and plucked, or dazed and fleeing.
When Howard Archie arrived at Thea’s apartment that afternoon, he was led into the music room behind the small reception area. Thea was sitting on a couch behind the piano, chatting with a young man she later introduced as her friend Mr. Landry. As she got up and walked over to greet him, Archie felt a wave of relief and a rush of gratitude. She no longer looked frazzled, drained, or lost.
Dr. Archie neglected to take account of the young man to whom he was presented. He kept Thea’s hands and held her where he met her, taking in the light, lively sweep of her hair, her clear green eyes and her throat that came up strong and dazzlingly white from her green velvet gown. The chin was as lovely as ever, the cheeks as smooth. All the lines of last night had disappeared. Only at the outer corners of her eyes, between the eye and the temple, were the faintest indications of a future attack—mere kitten scratches that playfully hinted where one day the cat would claw her. He studied her without any embarrassment. Last night everything had been awkward; but now, as he held her hands, a kind of harmony came between them, a reëstablishment of confidence.
Dr. Archie overlooked the young man in front of him. He held Thea’s hands and kept her close, admiring the light, lively flow of her hair, her bright green eyes, and her throat that rose strong and dazzlingly white from her green velvet gown. Her chin was as beautiful as ever, and her cheeks were smooth. All the signs from last night had vanished. Only at the outside corners of her eyes, between her eye and temple, were the faintest hints of a future wrinkle—just tiny marks that teasingly suggested where one day she might be marked by time. He looked at her without any shame. Last night had felt awkward, but now, as he held her hands, a sense of harmony settled between them, restoring their confidence.
“After all, Thea,—in spite of all, I still know you,” he murmured.
“After all, Thea—in spite of everything, I still know you,” he murmured.
She took his arm and led him up to the young man who was standing beside the piano. “Mr. Landry knows all about you, Dr. Archie. He has known about you for many years.” While the two men shook hands she stood between them, drawing them together by her presence and her glances. “When I first went to Germany, Landry was studying there. He used to be good enough to work with me when I could not afford to have an accompanist for more than two hours a day. We got into the way of working together. He is a singer, too, and has his own career to look after, but he still manages to give me some time. I want you to be friends.” She smiled from one to the other.
She took his arm and led him up to the young man standing next to the piano. “Mr. Landry knows all about you, Dr. Archie. He’s known about you for many years.” While the two men shook hands, she stood between them, bringing them together with her presence and her looks. “When I first went to Germany, Landry was studying there. He was kind enough to work with me when I couldn’t afford to have an accompanist for more than two hours a day. We got used to working together. He’s a singer too, and has his own career to manage, but he still finds time to help me out. I want you two to be friends.” She smiled at both of them.
The rooms, Archie noticed, full of last night’s flowers, were furnished in light colors, the hotel bleakness of them a little softened by a magnificent Steinway piano, white bookshelves full of books and scores, some drawings of ballet dancers, and the very deep sofa behind the piano.
The rooms, Archie noticed, filled with last night's flowers, were decorated in light colors, the hotel’s dreariness somewhat softened by a stunning Steinway piano, white bookshelves packed with books and scores, a few drawings of ballet dancers, and the very deep sofa behind the piano.
“Of course,” Archie asked apologetically, “you have seen the papers?”
“Of course,” Archie asked with a hint of regret, “you've seen the papers?”
“Very cordial, aren’t they? They evidently did not expect as much as I did. Elsa is not really in my voice. I can sing the music, but I have to go after it.”
“Very friendly, aren’t they? They clearly didn’t expect as much as I did. Elsa isn’t really my style. I can sing the music, but I have to chase after it.”
“That is exactly,” the doctor came out boldly, “what Fred Ottenburg said this morning.”
"That's exactly what Fred Ottenburg said this morning," the doctor stated confidently.
They had remained standing, the three of them, by the piano, where the gray afternoon light was strongest. Thea turned to the doctor with interest. “Is Fred in town? They were from him, then—some flowers that came last night without a card.” She indicated the white lilacs on the window sill. “Yes, he would know, certainly,” she said thoughtfully. “Why don’t we sit down? There will be some tea for you in a minute, Landry. He’s very dependent upon it,” disapprovingly to Archie. “Now tell me, Doctor, did you really have a good time last night, or were you uncomfortable? Did you feel as if I were trying to hold my hat on by my eyebrows?”
They stood there, the three of them, by the piano, where the gray afternoon light was the brightest. Thea looked at the doctor with interest. “Is Fred in town? Those flowers that arrived last night without a card were from him, right?” She pointed to the white lilacs on the windowsill. “Yeah, he would definitely know,” she said thoughtfully. “Why don’t we sit down? There will be some tea for you in a minute, Landry. He really relies on it,” she added disapprovingly to Archie. “Now tell me, Doctor, did you actually have a good time last night, or were you uncomfortable? Did it feel like I was trying to hold my hat on with my eyebrows?”
He smiled. “I had all kinds of a time. But I had no feeling of that sort. I couldn’t be quite sure that it was you at all. That was why I came up here last night. I felt as if I’d lost you.”
He smiled. “I had a great time. But I didn’t feel that way at all. I couldn’t be completely sure it was you. That’s why I came up here last night. I felt like I’d lost you.”
She leaned toward him and brushed his sleeve reassuringly. “Then I didn’t give you an impression of painful struggle? Landry was singing at Weber and Fields’ last night. He didn’t get in until the performance was half over. But I see the Tribune man felt that I was working pretty hard. Did you see that notice, Oliver?”
She leaned toward him and gently touched his sleeve. “So I didn’t come across as if I was in a painful struggle? Landry was performing at Weber and Fields last night. He didn’t arrive until halfway through the show. But I guess the Tribune guy thought I was putting in a lot of effort. Did you catch that review, Oliver?”
Dr. Archie looked closely at the red-headed young man for the first time, and met his lively brown eyes, full of a droll, confiding sort of humor. Mr. Landry was not prepossessing. He was undersized and clumsily made, with a red, shiny face and a sharp little nose that looked as if it had been whittled out of wood and was always in the air, on the scent of something. Yet it was this queer little beak, with his eyes, that made his countenance anything of a face at all. From a distance he looked like the groceryman’s delivery boy in a small town. His dress seemed an acknowledgment of his grotesqueness: a short coat, like a little boys’ roundabout, and a vest fantastically sprigged and dotted, over a lavender shirt.
Dr. Archie took a good look at the red-headed young man for the first time and met his lively brown eyes, which were full of a quirky, trusting kind of humor. Mr. Landry wasn't exactly attractive. He was small and awkwardly built, with a red, shiny face and a sharp little nose that looked like it had been carved out of wood and was always sniffing around for something. Yet it was this odd little beak, along with his eyes, that gave his face any sort of character at all. From a distance, he resembled the grocery store’s delivery boy in a small town. His outfit seemed to acknowledge his awkwardness: a short coat like a little boy’s jacket, and a vest that was wildly patterned with sprigs and dots, over a lavender shirt.
At the sound of a muffled buzz, Mr. Landry sprang up.
At the sound of a faint buzz, Mr. Landry jumped up.
“May I answer the telephone for you?” He went to the writing-table and took up the receiver. “Mr. Ottenburg is downstairs,” he said, turning to Thea and holding the mouthpiece against his coat.
“Can I answer the phone for you?” He walked over to the desk and picked up the receiver. “Mr. Ottenburg is downstairs,” he said, turning to Thea and holding the mouthpiece against his coat.
“Tell him to come up,” she replied without hesitation. “How long are you going to be in town, Dr. Archie?”
“Tell him to come up,” she replied without hesitation. “How long are you going to be in town, Dr. Archie?”
“Oh, several weeks, if you’ll let me stay. I won’t hang around and be a burden to you, but I want to try to get educated up to you, though I expect it’s late to begin.”
“Oh, a few weeks, if you’ll let me stay. I won’t stick around and be a hassle to you, but I want to try to get educated like you, though I guess it’s late to start.”
Thea rose and touched him lightly on the shoulder. “Well, you’ll never be any younger, will you?”
Thea stood up and gently tapped him on the shoulder. “So, you’re never going to be any younger, right?”
“I’m not so sure about that,” the doctor replied gallantly.
“I'm not so sure about that,” the doctor said confidently.
The maid appeared at the door and announced Mr. Frederick Ottenburg. Fred came in, very much got up, the doctor reflected, as he watched him bending over Thea’s hand. He was still pale and looked somewhat chastened, and the lock of hair that hung down over his forehead was distinctly moist. But his black afternoon coat, his gray tie and gaiters were of a correctness that Dr. Archie could never attain for all the efforts of his faithful slave, Van Deusen, the Denver haberdasher. To be properly up to those tricks, the doctor supposed, you had to learn them young. If he were to buy a silk hat that was the twin of Ottenburg’s, it would be shaggy in a week, and he could never carry it as Fred held his.
The maid came to the door and announced Mr. Frederick Ottenburg. Fred walked in, looking very well put together, the doctor thought as he watched him lean over Thea’s hand. He still seemed pale and a bit humbled, and the lock of hair hanging down over his forehead was noticeably damp. But his black afternoon coat, gray tie, and gaiters were so polished that Dr. Archie knew he could never achieve that level of style, no matter how hard his devoted assistant, Van Deusen, the Denver haberdasher, tried. The doctor figured you had to learn that kind of thing when you were young. If he were to buy a silk hat identical to Ottenburg’s, it would look worn out in a week, and he could never wear it with the same flair Fred did.
Ottenburg had greeted Thea in German, and as she replied in the same language, Archie joined Mr. Landry at the window. “You know Mr. Ottenburg, he tells me?”
Ottenburg had greeted Thea in German, and as she responded in the same language, Archie joined Mr. Landry at the window. “You know Mr. Ottenburg, he tells me?”
Mr. Landry’s eyes twinkled. “Yes, I regularly follow him about, when he’s in town. I would, even if he didn’t send me such wonderful Christmas presents: Russian vodka by the half-dozen!”
Mr. Landry's eyes sparkled. "Yes, I often follow him around when he's in town. I would do it even if he didn't send me such amazing Christmas gifts: Russian vodka by the half-dozen!"
Thea called to them, “Come, Mr. Ottenburg is calling on all of us. Here’s the tea.”
Thea called out to them, “Come on, Mr. Ottenburg is inviting us all. Here’s the tea.”
The maid opened the door and two waiters from downstairs appeared with covered trays. The tea-table was in the parlor. Thea drew Ottenburg with her and went to inspect it. “Where’s the rum? Oh, yes, in that thing! Everything seems to be here, but send up some currant preserves and cream cheese for Mr. Ottenburg. And in about fifteen minutes, bring some fresh toast. That’s all, thank you.”
The maid opened the door and two waiters from downstairs came in with covered trays. The tea table was in the parlor. Thea pulled Ottenburg with her and went to check it out. “Where's the rum? Oh, right, it's in that thing! Everything seems to be here, but please send up some currant preserves and cream cheese for Mr. Ottenburg. And in about fifteen minutes, bring some fresh toast. That’s all, thanks.”
For the next few minutes there was a clatter of teacups and responses about sugar. “Landry always takes rum. I’m glad the rest of you don’t. I’m sure it’s bad.” Thea poured the tea standing and got through with it as quickly as possible, as if it were a refreshment snatched between trains. The tea-table and the little room in which it stood seemed to be out of scale with her long step, her long reach, and the energy of her movements. Dr. Archie, standing near her, was pleasantly aware of the animation of her figure. Under the clinging velvet, her body seemed independent and unsubdued.
For the next few minutes, there was a clatter of teacups and discussions about sugar. “Landry always adds rum. I’m glad the rest of you don’t. I bet it’s not good for you.” Thea poured the tea while standing and got it done as quickly as possible, like it was a quick refreshment between trains. The tea table and the small room it was in felt too small for her long strides, her reach, and her energetic movements. Dr. Archie, standing nearby, was happily aware of the liveliness of her figure. Beneath the fitted velvet, her body seemed strong and unrestrained.
They drifted, with their plates and cups, back to the music-room. When Thea followed them, Ottenburg put down his tea suddenly. “Aren’t you taking anything? Please let me.” He started back to the table.
They floated back to the music room, carrying their plates and cups. When Thea followed them, Ottenburg abruptly set down his tea. “Aren’t you having anything? Let me help you.” He turned back toward the table.
“No, thank you, nothing. I’m going to run over that aria for you presently, to convince you that I can do it. How did the duet go, with Schlag?”
“No, thanks, I'm good. I’m going to practice that aria for you shortly, to show you that I can handle it. How did the duet go with Schlag?”
She was standing in the doorway and Fred came up to her: “That you’ll never do any better. You’ve worked your voice into it perfectly. Every nunance—wonderful!”
She was standing in the doorway when Fred approached her: “You’ll never do better than this. You’ve perfected your voice with it. Every nuance—amazing!”
“Think so?” She gave him a sidelong glance and spoke with a certain gruff shyness which did not deceive anybody, and was not meant to deceive. The tone was equivalent to “Keep it up. I like it, but I’m awkward with it.”
“Really?” She gave him a sideways look and spoke with a bit of rough shyness that didn’t fool anyone and wasn’t meant to. The tone was like saying, “Keep going. I like this, but I’m not great at showing it.”
Fred held her by the door and did keep it up, furiously, for full five minutes. She took it with some confusion, seeming all the while to be hesitating, to be arrested in her course and trying to pass him. But she did not really try to pass, and her color deepened. Fred spoke in German, and Archie caught from her an occasional Ja? So? muttered rather than spoken.
Fred held her by the door and kept it up, fiercely, for a whole five minutes. She took it with some confusion, seeming to hesitate the entire time, caught in her path and trying to get past him. But she didn’t genuinely try to pass, and her face flushed deeper. Fred spoke in German, and Archie picked up from her an occasional Ja? So? muttered more than spoken.
When they rejoined Landry and Dr. Archie, Fred took up his tea again. “I see you’re singing Venus Saturday night. Will they never let you have a chance at Elizabeth?”
When they met up with Landry and Dr. Archie again, Fred picked up his tea. “I see you’re singing Venus Saturday night. Will they ever give you a shot at Elizabeth?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Not here. There are so many singers here, and they try us out in such a stingy way. Think of it, last year I came over in October, and it was the first of December before I went on at all! I’m often sorry I left Dresden.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Not here. There are so many singers around, and they evaluate us in such a tight-fisted way. Just think, last year I arrived in October, and it wasn’t until the first of December that I got to perform at all! I often regret leaving Dresden.”
“Still,” Fred argued, “Dresden is limited.”
“Still,” Fred argued, “Dresden is limited.”
“Just so, and I’ve begun to sigh for those very limitations. In New York everything is impersonal. Your audience never knows its own mind, and its mind is never twice the same. I’d rather sing where the people are pig-headed and throw carrots at you if you don’t do it the way they like it. The house here is splendid, and the night audiences are exciting. I hate the matinees; like singing at a Kaffeklatsch.” She rose and turned on the lights.
“Exactly, and I’ve started to long for those very limits. In New York, everything feels distant. Your audience never really knows what it wants, and their preferences change constantly. I’d rather perform where the crowd is stubborn and throws vegetables if you don’t do it their way. The venue here is amazing, and the night crowds are thrilling. I can’t stand the matinees; it’s like singing at a Kaffeklatsch.” She got up and turned on the lights.
“Ah!” Fred exclaimed, “why do you do that? That is a signal that tea is over.” He got up and drew out his gloves.
“Ah!” Fred exclaimed, “why do you do that? That signals that tea is over.” He got up and pulled out his gloves.
“Not at all. Shall you be here Saturday night?” She sat down on the piano bench and leaned her elbow back on the keyboard. “Necker sings Elizabeth. Make Dr. Archie go. Everything she sings is worth hearing.”
“Not at all. Are you coming Saturday night?” She sat down on the piano bench and leaned her elbow back on the keyboard. “Necker is singing Elizabeth. Make Dr. Archie come. Everything she sings is worth hearing.”
“But she’s failing so. The last time I heard her she had no voice at all. She is a poor vocalist!”
“But she’s failing so. The last time I heard her, she had no voice at all. She is a terrible singer!”
Thea cut him off. “She’s a great artist, whether she’s in voice or not, and she’s the only one here. If you want a big voice, you can take my Ortrude of last night; that’s big enough, and vulgar enough.”
Thea interrupted him. “She’s an amazing artist, whether she’s performing or not, and she’s the only one here. If you want a big voice, you can have my Ortrude from last night; that’s big enough, and crass enough.”
Fred laughed and turned away, this time with decision. “I don’t want her!” he protested energetically. “I only wanted to get a rise out of you. I like Necker’s Elizabeth well enough. I like your Venus well enough, too.”
Fred laughed and turned away, this time with determination. “I don’t want her!” he protested passionately. “I only wanted to get a reaction out of you. I like Necker's Elizabeth just fine. I like your Venus just fine, too.”
“It’s a beautiful part, and it’s often dreadfully sung. It’s very hard to sing, of course.”
“It’s a beautiful section, and it’s often sung terribly. It’s definitely challenging to sing, of course.”
Ottenburg bent over the hand she held out to him. “For an uninvited guest, I’ve fared very well. You were nice to let me come up. I’d have been terribly cut up if you’d sent me away. May I?” He kissed her hand lightly and backed toward the door, still smiling, and promising to keep an eye on Archie. “He can’t be trusted at all, Thea. One of the waiters at Martin’s worked a Tourainian hare off on him at luncheon yesterday, for seven twenty-five.”
Ottenburg leaned down to kiss the hand she offered him. “For an unexpected guest, I’ve been treated really well. I appreciate you letting me come up. I would have been really upset if you’d sent me away. May I?” He kissed her hand gently and stepped back toward the door, still smiling and promising to keep an eye on Archie. “You really can’t trust him at all, Thea. One of the waiters at Martin’s sold him a Tourainian hare at lunch yesterday for seven twenty-five.”
Thea broke into a laugh, the deep one he recognized. “Did he have a ribbon on, this hare? Did they bring him in a gilt cage?”
Thea burst out laughing, the hearty kind he knew well. “Did this hare have a ribbon on? Did they bring him in a fancy cage?”
“No,”—Archie spoke up for himself,—“they brought him in a brown sauce, which was very good. He didn’t taste very different from any rabbit.”
“No,” Archie said for himself, “they served him in a brown sauce, which was really good. He didn’t taste much different from any rabbit.”
“Probably came from a push-cart on the East Side.” Thea looked at her old friend commiseratingly. “Yes, do keep an eye on him, Fred. I had no idea,” shaking her head. “Yes, I’ll be obliged to you.”
“Probably came from a food cart on the East Side.” Thea looked at her old friend sympathetically. “Yes, do keep an eye on him, Fred. I had no idea,” shaking her head. “Yes, I’ll appreciate it.”
“Count on me!” Their eyes met in a gay smile, and Fred bowed himself out.
"Count on me!" Their eyes met in a cheerful smile, and Fred bowed himself out.
VII
On Saturday night Dr. Archie went with Fred Ottenburg to hear “Tannhäuser.” Thea had a rehearsal on Sunday afternoon, but as she was not on the bill again until Wednesday, she promised to dine with Archie and Ottenburg on Monday, if they could make the dinner early.
On Saturday night, Dr. Archie went with Fred Ottenburg to see "Tannhäuser." Thea had a rehearsal on Sunday afternoon, but since she wasn't performing again until Wednesday, she promised to have dinner with Archie and Ottenburg on Monday if they could schedule it for an earlier time.
At a little after eight on Monday evening, the three friends returned to Thea’s apartment and seated themselves for an hour of quiet talk.
At a little after eight on Monday evening, the three friends went back to Thea’s apartment and sat down for an hour of quiet conversation.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t have had Landry with us tonight,” Thea said, “but he’s on at Weber and Fields’ every night now. You ought to hear him, Dr. Archie. He often sings the old Scotch airs you used to love.”
“I’m sorry we couldn’t have Landry with us tonight,” Thea said, “but he’s performing at Weber and Fields every night now. You should hear him, Dr. Archie. He often sings the old Scottish tunes you used to love.”
“Why not go down this evening?” Fred suggested hopefully, glancing at his watch. “That is, if you’d like to go. I can telephone and find what time he comes on.”
“Why not go down this evening?” Fred suggested hopefully, glancing at his watch. “That is, if you’d like to go. I can call and find out what time he comes on.”
Thea hesitated. “No, I think not. I took a long walk this afternoon and I’m rather tired. I think I can get to sleep early and be so much ahead. I don’t mean at once, however,” seeing Dr. Archie’s disappointed look. “I always like to hear Landry,” she added. “He never had much voice, and it’s worn, but there’s a sweetness about it, and he sings with such taste.”
Thea paused. “No, I don’t think so. I went for a long walk this afternoon and I’m pretty tired. I think I can get to sleep early and be ahead. I don’t mean right away, though,” she said, noticing Dr. Archie’s disappointed expression. “I always enjoy listening to Landry,” she continued. “He never had a strong voice, and it’s worn down, but there’s something sweet about it, and he sings with such style.”
“Yes, doesn’t he? May I?” Fred took out his cigarette case. “It really doesn’t bother your throat?”
“Yes, doesn’t he? Can I?” Fred pulled out his cigarette case. “It really doesn’t irritate your throat?”
“A little doesn’t. But cigar smoke does. Poor Dr. Archie! Can you do with one of those?”
“A little doesn’t. But cigar smoke does. Poor Dr. Archie! Can you handle one of those?”
“I’m learning to like them,” the doctor declared, taking one from the case Fred proffered him.
“I’m starting to like them,” the doctor said, taking one from the case Fred offered him.
“Landry’s the only fellow I know in this country who can do that sort of thing,” Fred went on. “Like the best English ballad singers. He can sing even popular stuff by higher lights, as it were.”
“Landry’s the only guy I know in this country who can do that kind of thing,” Fred continued. “Like the top English ballad singers. He can even sing popular songs in a more sophisticated way, so to speak.”
Thea nodded. “Yes; sometimes I make him sing his most foolish things for me. It’s restful, as he does it. That’s when I’m homesick, Dr. Archie.”
Thea nodded. “Yeah; sometimes I make him sing his silliest songs for me. It’s comforting when he does that. That’s when I miss home, Dr. Archie.”
“You knew him in Germany, Thea?” Dr. Archie had quietly abandoned his cigarette as a comfortless article. “When you first went over?”
“You knew him in Germany, Thea?” Dr. Archie had quietly given up his cigarette as something uncomfortable. “When you first went there?”
“Yes. He was a good friend to a green girl. He helped me with my German and my music and my general discouragement. Seemed to care more about my getting on than about himself. He had no money, either. An old aunt had loaned him a little to study on.—Will you answer that, Fred?”
“Yes. He was a good friend to a naive girl. He helped me with my German, my music, and my overall discouragement. He seemed to care more about my progress than about himself. He didn’t have any money either. An older aunt had lent him a little to study with.—Will you answer that, Fred?”
Fred caught up the telephone and stopped the buzz while Thea went on talking to Dr. Archie about Landry. Telling some one to hold the wire, he presently put down the instrument and approached Thea with a startled expression on his face.
Fred picked up the phone and silenced the buzzing while Thea continued her conversation with Dr. Archie about Landry. After telling someone to hold the line, he eventually put the phone down and walked over to Thea, looking startled.
“It’s the management,” he said quietly. “Gloeckler has broken down: fainting fits. Madame Rheinecker is in Atlantic City and Schramm is singing in Philadelphia tonight. They want to know whether you can come down and finish Sieglinde.”
“It’s the management,” he said quietly. “Gloeckler has collapsed: fainting spells. Madame Rheinecker is in Atlantic City and Schramm is performing in Philadelphia tonight. They want to know if you can come down and finish Sieglinde.”
“What time is it?”
“What’s the time?”
“Eight fifty-five. The first act is just over. They can hold the curtain twenty-five minutes.”
“Eight fifty-five. The first act has just ended. They can keep the curtain down for twenty-five minutes.”
Thea did not move. “Twenty-five and thirty-five makes sixty,” she muttered. “Tell them I’ll come if they hold the curtain till I am in the dressing-room. Say I’ll have to wear her costumes, and the dresser must have everything ready. Then call a taxi, please.”
Thea didn't move. "Twenty-five and thirty-five equals sixty," she murmured. "Tell them I'll come if they hold the curtain until I'm in the dressing room. Mention that I’ll need to wear her costumes, and the dresser has to have everything ready. Then call a taxi, please."
Thea had not changed her position since he first interrupted her, but she had grown pale and was opening and shutting her hands rapidly. She looked, Fred thought, terrified. He half turned toward the telephone, but hung on one foot.
Thea hadn't changed her stance since he first interrupted her, but she had grown pale and was quickly opening and closing her hands. She looked, Fred thought, terrified. He partially turned toward the phone, but remained on one foot.
“Have you ever sung the part?” he asked.
“Have you ever sung that part?” he asked.
“No, but I’ve rehearsed it. That’s all right. Get the cab.” Still she made no move. She merely turned perfectly blank eyes to Dr. Archie and said absently, “It’s curious, but just at this minute I can’t remember a bar of ‘Walküre’ after the first act. And I let my maid go out.” She sprang up and beckoned Archie without so much, he felt sure, as knowing who he was. “Come with me.” She went quickly into her sleeping-chamber and threw open a door into a trunk-room. “See that white trunk? It’s not locked. It’s full of wigs, in boxes. Look until you find one marked ‘Ring 2.’ Bring it quick!” While she directed him, she threw open a square trunk and began tossing out shoes of every shape and color.
"No, but I've practiced it. That's fine. Get the cab." Still, she didn’t move. She just turned her blank eyes to Dr. Archie and said absentmindedly, "It's strange, but right now I can't remember any of 'Walküre' after the first act. And I let my maid go out." She jumped up and waved Archie over, without seeming to know who he was. "Come with me." She quickly went into her bedroom and opened a door to a trunk room. "See that white trunk? It's not locked. It's full of wigs in boxes. Look until you find one labeled 'Ring 2.' Bring it quickly!" While she directed him, she opened a square trunk and started throwing out shoes of all shapes and colors.
Ottenburg appeared at the door. “Can I help you?”
Ottenburg showed up at the door. “Can I help you?”
She threw him some white sandals with long laces and silk stockings pinned to them. “Put those in something, and then go to the piano and give me a few measures in there—you know.” She was behaving somewhat like a cyclone now, and while she wrenched open drawers and closet doors, Ottenburg got to the piano as quickly as possible and began to herald the reappearance of the Volsung pair, trusting to memory.
She tossed him a pair of white sandals with long laces and some silk stockings attached to them. “Put those away, then head to the piano and play a few measures in there—you know what I mean.” She was acting a bit like a whirlwind now, and while she yanked open drawers and closet doors, Ottenburg hurried to the piano and started to play, relying on his memory to bring back the Volsung couple.
In a few moments Thea came out enveloped in her long fur coat with a scarf over her head and knitted woolen gloves on her hands. Her glassy eye took in the fact that Fred was playing from memory, and even in her distracted state, a faint smile flickered over her colorless lips. She stretched out a woolly hand, “The score, please. Behind you, there.”
In a few moments, Thea came out wrapped in her long fur coat with a scarf over her head and knitted wool gloves on her hands. Her glazed eye noticed that Fred was playing from memory, and even in her distracted state, a faint smile appeared on her pale lips. She reached out a woolly hand, “The score, please. It’s behind you, there.”
Dr. Archie followed with a canvas box and a satchel. As they went through the hall, the men caught up their hats and coats. They left the music-room, Fred noticed, just seven minutes after he got the telephone message. In the elevator Thea said in that husky whisper which had so perplexed Dr. Archie when he first heard it, “Tell the driver he must do it in twenty minutes, less if he can. He must leave the light on in the cab. I can do a good deal in twenty minutes. If only you hadn’t made me eat—Damn that duck!” she broke out bitterly; “why did you?”
Dr. Archie followed with a canvas box and a bag. As they walked through the hall, the men grabbed their hats and coats. They left the music room, and Fred noticed it was just seven minutes after he received the phone message. In the elevator, Thea said in that husky whisper that had confused Dr. Archie when he first heard it, “Tell the driver he has to do it in twenty minutes, less if he can. He needs to keep the light on in the cab. I can get a lot done in twenty minutes. If only you hadn’t made me eat—Damn that duck!” she exclaimed bitterly; “why did you?”
“Wish I had it back! But it won’t bother you, to-night. You need strength,” he pleaded consolingly.
“Wish I had it back! But it won’t bother you tonight. You need your strength,” he said, trying to comfort her.
But she only muttered angrily under her breath, “Idiot, idiot!”
But she just muttered angrily to herself, “Idiot, idiot!”
Ottenburg shot ahead and instructed the driver, while the doctor put Thea into the cab and shut the door. She did not speak to either of them again. As the driver scrambled into his seat she opened the score and fixed her eyes upon it. Her face, in the white light, looked as bleak as a stone quarry.
Ottenburg rushed ahead and told the driver what to do, while the doctor helped Thea into the cab and closed the door. She didn't say another word to either of them. As the driver hurried into his seat, she opened the score and focused on it. Her face, illuminated by the bright light, looked as cold as a rocky quarry.
As her cab slid away, Ottenburg shoved Archie into a second taxi that waited by the curb. “We’d better trail her,” he explained. “There might be a hold-up of some kind.” As the cab whizzed off he broke into an eruption of profanity.
As her cab pulled away, Ottenburg pushed Archie into a second taxi that was waiting by the curb. “We should follow her,” he said. “There could be some kind of delay.” As the cab sped off, he started swearing uncontrollably.
“What’s the matter, Fred?” the doctor asked. He was a good deal dazed by the rapid evolutions of the last ten minutes.
“What’s wrong, Fred?” the doctor asked. He was quite bewildered by the quick changes that had happened in the last ten minutes.
“Matter enough!” Fred growled, buttoning his overcoat with a shiver. “What a way to sing a part for the first time! That duck really is on my conscience. It will be a wonder if she can do anything but quack! Scrambling on in the middle of a performance like this, with no rehearsal! The stuff she has to sing in there is a fright—rhythm, pitch,—and terribly difficult intervals.”
“Matter enough!” Fred growled, buttoning his overcoat and shivering. “What a way to sing a part for the first time! That duck really weighs on my conscience. It’ll be a miracle if she can do anything but quack! Jumping in during a performance like this, with no rehearsal! The stuff she has to sing in there is scary—rhythm, pitch, and really tough intervals.”
“She looked frightened,” Dr. Archie said thoughtfully, “but I thought she looked—determined.”
“She looked scared,” Dr. Archie said thoughtfully, “but I thought she looked—determined.”
Fred sniffed. “Oh, determined! That’s the kind of rough deal that makes savages of singers. Here’s a part she’s worked on and got ready for for years, and now they give her a chance to go on and butcher it. Goodness knows when she’s looked at the score last, or whether she can use the business she’s studied with this cast. Necker’s singing Brünnhilde; she may help her, if it’s not one of her sore nights.”
Fred sniffed. “Oh, determined! That’s the kind of tough break that turns singers into rough characters. Here’s a role she’s worked on and prepared for for years, and now they’re giving her a chance to go on and ruin it. Who knows when she last looked at the score, or if she can apply what she’s learned with this group. Necker’s singing Brünnhilde; she might be able to help her, if it’s not one of her bad nights.”
“Is she sore at Thea?” Dr. Archie asked wonderingly.
“Is she mad at Thea?” Dr. Archie asked, sounding curious.
“My dear man, Necker’s sore at everything. She’s breaking up; too early; just when she ought to be at her best. There’s one story that she is struggling under some serious malady, another that she learned a bad method at the Prague Conservatory and has ruined her organ. She’s the sorest thing in the world. If she weathers this winter through, it’ll be her last. She’s paying for it with the last rags of her voice. And then—” Fred whistled softly.
“My dear man, Necker’s upset about everything. She’s falling apart; too soon; just when she should be at her peak. There’s a rumor that she’s battling some serious illness, another that she picked up a bad technique at the Prague Conservatory and has messed up her voice. She’s the most difficult person in the world. If she makes it through this winter, it’ll be her last. She’s paying for it with the last bits of her voice. And then—” Fred whistled softly.
“Well, what then?”
"What's next?"
“Then our girl may come in for some of it. It’s dog eat dog, in this game as in every other.”
"Then our girl might get a piece of it. It's a ruthless world, just like in every other game."
The cab stopped and Fred and Dr. Archie hurried to the box office. The Monday-night house was sold out. They bought standing room and entered the auditorium just as the press representative of the house was thanking the audience for their patience and telling them that although Madame Gloeckler was too ill to sing, Miss Kronborg had kindly consented to finish her part. This announcement was met with vehement applause from the upper circles of the house.
The cab stopped, and Fred and Dr. Archie rushed to the box office. The auditorium was sold out for Monday night. They purchased standing room tickets and entered just as the press representative was thanking the audience for their patience and announcing that although Madame Gloeckler was too sick to sing, Miss Kronborg had graciously agreed to take her place. This news was met with enthusiastic applause from the upper sections of the auditorium.
“She has her—constituents,” Dr. Archie murmured.
“She has her—supporters,” Dr. Archie murmured.
“Yes, up there, where they’re young and hungry. These people down here have dined too well. They won’t mind, however. They like fires and accidents and divertissements. Two Sieglindes are more unusual than one, so they’ll be satisfied.”
“Yes, up there, where they're young and eager. These people down here have indulged too much. They won't care, though. They enjoy excitement and drama and divertissements. Two Sieglindes are more interesting than one, so they'll be happy.”
After the final disappearance of the mother of Siegfried, Ottenburg and the doctor slipped out through the crowd and left the house. Near the stage entrance Fred found the driver who had brought Thea down. He dismissed him and got a larger car. He and Archie waited on the sidewalk, and when Kronborg came out alone they gathered her into the cab and sprang in after her.
After Siegfried's mother disappeared for good, Ottenburg and the doctor made their way through the crowd and left the house. Close to the stage entrance, Fred spotted the driver who had brought Thea down. He let him go and got a bigger car. He and Archie waited on the sidewalk, and when Kronborg came out alone, they helped her into the cab and jumped in after her.
Thea sank back into a corner of the back seat and yawned. “Well, I got through, eh?” Her tone was reassuring. “On the whole, I think I’ve given you gentlemen a pretty lively evening, for one who has no social accomplishments.”
Thea leaned back into a corner of the back seat and yawned. “Well, I made it through, right?” Her voice was comforting. “Overall, I think I’ve given you guys a pretty entertaining evening, considering I don’t have any social skills.”
“Rather! There was something like a popular uprising at the end of the second act. Archie and I couldn’t keep it up as long as the rest of them did. A howl like that ought to show the management which way the wind is blowing. You probably know you were magnificent.”
“Absolutely! There was basically a crowd uprising at the end of the second act. Archie and I couldn’t keep it going as long as the others did. A roar like that should tell the management which way the wind is blowing. You probably know you were amazing.”
“I thought it went pretty well,” she spoke impartially. “I was rather smart to catch his tempo there, at the beginning of the first recitative, when he came in too soon, don’t you think? It’s tricky in there, without a rehearsal. Oh, I was all right! He took that syncopation too fast in the beginning. Some singers take it fast there—think it sounds more impassioned. That’s one way!” She sniffed, and Fred shot a mirthful glance at Archie. Her boastfulness would have been childish in a schoolboy. In the light of what she had done, of the strain they had lived through during the last two hours, it made one laugh,—almost cry. She went on, robustly: “And I didn’t feel my dinner, really, Fred. I am hungry again, I’m ashamed to say,—and I forgot to order anything at my hotel.”
“I thought it went pretty well,” she said casually. “I was pretty clever to catch his tempo there, at the start of the first recitative, when he came in too early, don’t you think? It’s tricky without a rehearsal. Oh, I was fine! He rushed that syncopation at the beginning. Some singers speed it up there—think it sounds more passionate. That’s one approach!” She sniffed, and Fred shot a playful glance at Archie. Her bragging would have seemed childish for a schoolboy. Given what she had accomplished and the tension they had endured over the last two hours, it was almost laughable—almost tear-jerking. She continued, cheerfully: “And I didn’t even feel my dinner, really, Fred. I’m hungry again, I’m embarrassed to say—and I forgot to order anything at my hotel.”
Fred put his hand on the door. “Where to? You must have food.”
Fred placed his hand on the door. “Where to? You must have something to eat.”
“Do you know any quiet place, where I won’t be stared at? I’ve still got make-up on.”
“Do you know any quiet place where I won’t be looked at? I still have make-up on.”
“I do. Nice English chop-house on Forty-fourth Street. Nobody there at night but theater people after the show, and a few bachelors.” He opened the door and spoke to the driver.
“I do. It's a nice steakhouse on Forty-fourth Street. There’s hardly anyone there at night except for theater folks after the show, and a few single guys.” He opened the door and spoke to the driver.
As the car turned, Thea reached across to the front seat and drew Dr. Archie’s handkerchief out of his breast pocket.
As the car turned, Thea stretched over to the front seat and took Dr. Archie's handkerchief out of his breast pocket.
“This comes to me naturally,” she said, rubbing her cheeks and eyebrows. “When I was little I always loved your handkerchiefs because they were silk and smelled of Cologne water. I think they must have been the only really clean handkerchiefs in Moonstone. You were always wiping my face with them, when you met me out in the dust, I remember. Did I never have any?”
“This comes to me naturally,” she said, rubbing her cheeks and eyebrows. “When I was little, I always loved your handkerchiefs because they were silk and smelled like cologne. I think they were probably the only truly clean handkerchiefs in Moonstone. You were always wiping my face with them when you saw me outside in the dust, I remember. Did I never have any?”
“I think you’d nearly always used yours up on your baby brother.”
“I think you probably always used yours up on your baby brother.”
Thea sighed. “Yes, Thor had such a way of getting messy. You say he’s a good chauffeur?” She closed her eyes for a moment as if they were tired. Suddenly she looked up. “Isn’t it funny, how we travel in circles? Here you are, still getting me clean, and Fred is still feeding me. I would have died of starvation at that boarding-house on Indiana Avenue if he hadn’t taken me out to the Buckingham and filled me up once in a while. What a cavern I was to fill, too. The waiters used to look astonished. I’m still singing on that food.”
Thea sighed. “Yeah, Thor really had a talent for making a mess. You say he’s a good driver?” She shut her eyes for a moment like they were weary. Suddenly, she looked up. “Isn’t it funny how we keep going in circles? Here you are, still making sure I’m clean, and Fred is still feeding me. I would have starved at that boarding house on Indiana Avenue if he hadn’t taken me to the Buckingham and filled me up now and then. What a bottomless pit I was, too. The waiters would look shocked. I’m still raving about that food.”
Fred alighted and gave Thea his arm as they crossed the icy sidewalk. They were taken upstairs in an antiquated lift and found the cheerful chop-room half full of supper parties. An English company playing at the Empire had just come in. The waiters, in red waistcoats, were hurrying about. Fred got a table at the back of the room, in a corner, and urged his waiter to get the oysters on at once.
Fred got out and offered Thea his arm as they walked across the icy sidewalk. They were taken upstairs in an old-fashioned elevator and found the lively dining room nearly full of dinner groups. A British company performing at the Empire had just arrived. The waiters, dressed in red vests, were bustling around. Fred secured a table at the back of the room, in a corner, and insisted that his waiter bring the oysters right away.
“Takes a few minutes to open them, sir,” the man expostulated.
"It takes a few minutes to open them, sir," the man said.
“Yes, but make it as few as possible, and bring the lady’s first. Then grilled chops with kidneys, and salad.”
“Yes, but keep it to a minimum, and bring the lady’s order first. Then grilled chops with kidneys, and a salad.”
Thea began eating celery stalks at once, from the base to the foliage. “Necker said something nice to me tonight. You might have thought the management would say something, but not they.” She looked at Fred from under her blackened lashes. “It was a stunt, to jump in and sing that second act without rehearsal. It doesn’t sing itself.”
Thea started munching on celery sticks right away, from the bottom to the leaves. “Necker said something nice to me tonight. You’d think the management would say something, but no.” She glanced at Fred from beneath her dark lashes. “It was a stunt to jump in and sing that second act without rehearsal. It doesn’t just come together.”
Ottenburg was watching her brilliant eyes and her face. She was much handsomer than she had been early in the evening. Excitement of this sort enriched her. It was only under such excitement, he reflected, that she was entirely illuminated, or wholly present. At other times there was something a little cold and empty, like a big room with no people in it. Even in her most genial moods there was a shadow of restlessness, as if she were waiting for something and were exercising the virtue of patience. During dinner she had been as kind as she knew how to be, to him and to Archie, and had given them as much of herself as she could. But, clearly, she knew only one way of being really kind, from the core of her heart out; and there was but one way in which she could give herself to people largely and gladly, spontaneously. Even as a girl she had been at her best in vigorous effort, he remembered; physical effort, when there was no other kind at hand. She could be expansive only in explosions. Old Nathanmeyer had seen it. In the very first song Fred had ever heard her sing, she had unconsciously declared it.
Ottenburg was watching her bright eyes and her face. She looked much more attractive than she had earlier in the evening. This kind of excitement brought out the best in her. He realized it was only during moments like this that she was fully alive or completely present. At other times, there was something slightly cold and empty about her, like a large room with no one in it. Even in her happiest moods, there was a hint of restlessness, as if she were waiting for something and practicing patience. During dinner, she had been as kind as she could be to him and to Archie, sharing as much of herself as she was able. But clearly, she only knew one way to be truly kind, straight from the heart; and there was only one way she could give herself to others in a big, joyful, spontaneous way. Even as a girl, she had been at her best when engaged in vigorous effort, he remembered; physical effort, when there was no other option available. She could only be expressive in bursts. Old Nathanmeyer had noticed it. In the very first song Fred had ever heard her sing, she had unknowingly revealed it.
Thea Kronborg turned suddenly from her talk with Archie and peered suspiciously into the corner where Ottenburg sat with folded arms, observing her. “What’s the matter with you, Fred? I’m afraid of you when you’re quiet,—fortunately you almost never are. What are you thinking about?”
Thea Kronborg suddenly turned away from her conversation with Archie and looked suspiciously at the corner where Ottenburg sat with his arms crossed, watching her. “What’s wrong with you, Fred? You freak me out when you’re quiet—luckily, you hardly ever are. What’s on your mind?”
“I was wondering how you got right with the orchestra so quickly, there at first. I had a flash of terror,” he replied easily.
“I was curious about how you managed to get in sync with the orchestra so fast, especially at the beginning. I felt a quick flash of fear,” he replied casually.
She bolted her last oyster and ducked her head. “So had I! I don’t know how I did catch it. Desperation, I suppose; same way the Indian babies swim when they’re thrown into the river. I had to. Now it’s over, I’m glad I had to. I learned a whole lot to-night.”
She finished her last oyster and looked down. “So did I! I don’t even know how I managed to catch it. I guess out of desperation; just like the way Indian babies swim when they’re thrown into the river. I had to. Now that it’s over, I’m glad I had to. I learned a ton tonight.”
Archie, who usually felt that it behooved him to be silent during such discussions, was encouraged by her geniality to venture, “I don’t see how you can learn anything in such a turmoil; or how you can keep your mind on it, for that matter.”
Archie, who usually felt it was best to remain quiet during discussions like this, felt encouraged by her friendliness to say, “I don’t see how you can learn anything with all this chaos; or how you can focus on it, for that matter.”
Thea glanced about the room and suddenly put her hand up to her hair. “Mercy, I’ve no hat on! Why didn’t you tell me? And I seem to be wearing a rumpled dinner dress, with all this paint on my face! I must look like something you picked up on Second Avenue. I hope there are no Colorado reformers about, Dr. Archie. What a dreadful old pair these people must be thinking you! Well, I had to eat.” She sniffed the savor of the grill as the waiter uncovered it. “Yes, draught beer, please. No, thank you, Fred, no champagne.—To go back to your question, Dr. Archie, you can believe I keep my mind on it. That’s the whole trick, in so far as stage experience goes; keeping right there every second. If I think of anything else for a flash, I’m gone, done for. But at the same time, one can take things in—with another part of your brain, maybe. It’s different from what you get in study, more practical and conclusive. There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. You learn the delivery of a part only before an audience.”
Thea looked around the room and suddenly raised her hand to her hair. “Oh no, I don’t have a hat on! Why didn’t you tell me? And I’m wearing a wrinkled dinner dress, with all this makeup on my face! I must look like something you’d find on Second Avenue. I hope there aren’t any Colorado reformers around, Dr. Archie. They must think what a terrible old couple you are! Well, I had to eat.” She caught the scent of the grill as the waiter uncovered it. “Yes, draft beer, please. No, thank you, Fred, no champagne.—To answer your question, Dr. Archie, believe me, I keep my focus on it. That’s the whole secret when it comes to stage experience; staying in the moment every second. If I think about anything else for even a second, I’m lost, done for. But at the same time, you can absorb things—with another part of your brain, maybe. It’s different from studying; it’s more practical and definitive. Some things you learn best in calm, and some in chaos. You learn how to deliver a role only in front of an audience.”
“Heaven help us,” gasped Ottenburg. “Weren’t you hungry, though! It’s beautiful to see you eat.”
“Heaven help us,” Ottenburg gasped. “But weren't you hungry! It’s amazing to watch you eat.”
“Glad you like it. Of course I’m hungry. Are you staying over for ‘Rheingold’ Friday afternoon?”
“Glad you like it. Of course I’m hungry. Are you staying over for 'Rheingold' on Friday afternoon?”
“My dear Thea,”—Fred lit a cigarette,—“I’m a serious business man now. I have to sell beer. I’m due in Chicago on Wednesday. I’d come back to hear you, but Fricka is not an alluring part.”
“My dear Thea,”—Fred lit a cigarette,—“I’m a serious businessman now. I have to sell beer. I need to be in Chicago on Wednesday. I’d come back to hear you, but Fricka isn’t an appealing role.”
“Then you’ve never heard it well done.” She spoke up hotly. “Fat German woman scolding her husband, eh? That’s not my idea. Wait till you hear my Fricka. It’s a beautiful part.” Thea leaned forward on the table and touched Archie’s arm. “You remember, Dr. Archie, how my mother always wore her hair, parted in the middle and done low on her neck behind, so you got the shape of her head and such a calm, white forehead? I wear mine like that for Fricka. A little more coronet effect, built up a little higher at the sides, but the idea’s the same. I think you’ll notice it.” She turned to Ottenburg reproachfully: “It’s noble music, Fred, from the first measure. There’s nothing lovelier than the wonniger Hausrath. It’s all such comprehensive sort of music—fateful. Of course, Fricka knows,” Thea ended quietly.
“Then you’ve never heard it done right.” She spoke up sharply. “Fat German woman nagging her husband, huh? That’s not my idea. Just wait until you hear my Fricka. It’s a beautiful piece.” Thea leaned forward on the table and touched Archie’s arm. “You remember, Dr. Archie, how my mother always styled her hair, parted in the middle and done low at the back of her neck, so you could see the shape of her head and her calm, white forehead? I wear mine like that for Fricka. A little more of a coronet look, built up higher at the sides, but the idea’s the same. I think you’ll notice it.” She turned to Ottenburg with a reproachful look: “It’s magnificent music, Fred, from the very first measure. There’s nothing lovelier than the wonniger Hausrath. It’s all such expansive music—fateful. Of course, Fricka knows,” Thea finished quietly.
Fred sighed. “There, you’ve spoiled my itinerary. Now I’ll have to come back, of course. Archie, you’d better get busy about seats to-morrow.”
Fred sighed. “Great, you’ve messed up my plans. Now I’ll have to come back, of course. Archie, you should start working on getting seats for tomorrow.”
“I can get you box seats, somewhere. I know nobody here, and I never ask for any.” Thea began hunting among her wraps. “Oh, how funny! I’ve only these short woolen gloves, and no sleeves. Put on my coat first. Those English people can’t make out where you got your lady, she’s so made up of contradictions.” She rose laughing and plunged her arms into the coat Dr. Archie held for her. As she settled herself into it and buttoned it under her chin, she gave him an old signal with her eyelid. “I’d like to sing another part to-night. This is the sort of evening I fancy, when there’s something to do. Let me see: I have to sing in ‘Trovatore’ Wednesday night, and there are rehearsals for the ‘Ring’ every day this week. Consider me dead until Saturday, Dr. Archie. I invite you both to dine with me on Saturday night, the day after ‘Rheingold.’ And Fred must leave early, for I want to talk to you alone. You’ve been here nearly a week, and I haven’t had a serious word with you. Tak for mad, Fred, as the Norwegians say.”
“I can get you box seats somewhere. I don’t know anyone here, and I never ask for any.” Thea started looking through her wraps. “Oh, how funny! I only have these short woolen gloves and no sleeves. Put on my coat first. Those English people can’t figure out where you got your lady; she’s such a mix of contradictions.” She laughed, stood up, and slipped her arms into the coat Dr. Archie held for her. As she settled into it and buttoned it up under her chin, she gave him an old signal with her eyelid. “I’d like to sing another part tonight. This is the kind of evening I like when there’s something to do. Let’s see: I have to sing in ‘Trovatore’ Wednesday night, and there are rehearsals for the ‘Ring’ every day this week. Consider me dead until Saturday, Dr. Archie. I invite you both to dinner with me on Saturday night, the day after ‘Rheingold.’ And Fred has to leave early because I want to talk to you alone. You’ve been here almost a week, and I haven’t had a serious conversation with you. Tak for mad, Fred, as the Norwegians say.”
VIII
The “Ring of the Niebelungs” was to be given at the Metropolitan on four successive Friday afternoons. After the first of these performances, Fred Ottenburg went home with Landry for tea. Landry was one of the few public entertainers who own real estate in New York. He lived in a little three-story brick house on Jane Street, in Greenwich Village, which had been left to him by the same aunt who paid for his musical education.
The “Ring of the Niebelungs” was set to be shown at the Metropolitan on four consecutive Friday afternoons. After the first performance, Fred Ottenburg went home with Landry for tea. Landry was one of the few public entertainers who owned property in New York. He lived in a small three-story brick house on Jane Street, in Greenwich Village, which had been passed down to him by the same aunt who funded his musical education.
Landry was born, and spent the first fifteen years of his life, on a rocky Connecticut farm not far from Cos Cob. His father was an ignorant, violent man, a bungling farmer and a brutal husband. The farmhouse, dilapidated and damp, stood in a hollow beside a marshy pond. Oliver had worked hard while he lived at home, although he was never clean or warm in winter and had wretched food all the year round. His spare, dry figure, his prominent larynx, and the peculiar red of his face and hands belonged to the choreboy he had never outgrown. It was as if the farm, knowing he would escape from it as early as he could, had ground its mark on him deep. When he was fifteen Oliver ran away and went to live with his Catholic aunt, on Jane Street, whom his mother was never allowed to visit. The priest of St. Joseph’s Parish discovered that he had a voice.
Landry was born and spent the first fifteen years of his life on a rocky farm in Connecticut, not far from Cos Cob. His father was an uneducated, violent man, a clumsy farmer and a harsh husband. The farmhouse, run-down and damp, stood in a hollow next to a muddy pond. Oliver had worked hard while living at home, even though he was never clean or warm in the winter and had terrible food all year round. His thin, dry frame, his prominent throat, and the unusual red color of his face and hands were traits of the choreboy he had never outgrown. It was as if the farm, knowing he would escape as soon as he could, had left its mark on him deeply. When he turned fifteen, Oliver ran away and went to live with his Catholic aunt on Jane Street, whom his mother was never allowed to visit. The priest of St. Joseph’s Parish found out that he had a voice.
Landry had an affection for the house on Jane Street, where he had first learned what cleanliness and order and courtesy were. When his aunt died he had the place done over, got an Irish housekeeper, and lived there with a great many beautiful things he had collected. His living expenses were never large, but he could not restrain himself from buying graceful and useless objects. He was a collector for much the same reason that he was a Catholic, and he was a Catholic chiefly because his father used to sit in the kitchen and read aloud to his hired men disgusting “exposures” of the Roman Church, enjoying equally the hideous stories and the outrage to his wife’s feelings.
Landry had a deep fondness for the house on Jane Street, the place where he first learned about cleanliness, order, and courtesy. After his aunt passed away, he renovated the house, hired an Irish housekeeper, and filled it with many beautiful items he had collected. His living expenses were never high, but he couldn't help but splurge on elegant yet pointless objects. He collected things for much the same reason he identified as Catholic, and he identified as Catholic mainly because his father would sit in the kitchen reading aloud to his hired workers scandalous stories about the Roman Church, relishing both the shocking tales and the offense it caused his wife's sensibilities.
At first Landry bought books; then rugs, drawings, china. He had a beautiful collection of old French and Spanish fans. He kept them in an escritoire he had brought from Spain, but there were always a few of them lying about in his sitting-room.
At first, Landry bought books; then rugs, drawings, and china. He had a beautiful collection of old French and Spanish fans. He kept them in a writing desk he had brought from Spain, but there were always a few of them lying around in his living room.
While Landry and his guest were waiting for the tea to be brought, Ottenburg took up one of these fans from the low marble mantel-shelf and opened it in the firelight. One side was painted with a pearly sky and floating clouds. On the other was a formal garden where an elegant shepherdess with a mask and crook was fleeing on high heels from a satin-coated shepherd.
While Landry and his guest waited for the tea to arrive, Ottenburg picked up one of the fans from the low marble mantel and opened it in the warm light of the fire. One side was decorated with a soft, pearly sky and drifting clouds. The other side depicted a formal garden where a stylish shepherdess, wearing a mask and holding a crook, was running away on high heels from a shepherd dressed in satin.
“You ought not to keep these things about, like this, Oliver. The dust from your grate must get at them.”
“You shouldn't keep these things lying around like this, Oliver. The dust from your fireplace will get on them.”
“It does, but I get them to enjoy them, not to have them. They’re pleasant to glance at and to play with at odd times like this, when one is waiting for tea or something.”
“It does, but I get them to enjoy them, not to own them. They’re nice to look at and to play with occasionally, like now, when you’re waiting for tea or something.”
Fred smiled. The idea of Landry stretched out before his fire playing with his fans, amused him. Mrs. McGinnis brought the tea and put it before the hearth: old teacups that were velvety to the touch and a pot-bellied silver cream pitcher of an Early Georgian pattern, which was always brought, though Landry took rum.
Fred smiled. The thought of Landry lounging by his fire, playing with his fans, made him chuckle. Mrs. McGinnis brought over the tea and set it down by the hearth: old teacups that felt soft to the touch and a rounded silver cream pitcher in an Early Georgian design, which was always used, even though Landry preferred rum.
Fred drank his tea walking about, examining Landry’s sumptuous writing-table in the alcove and the Boucher drawing in red chalk over the mantel. “I don’t see how you can stand this place without a heroine. It would give me a raging thirst for gallantries.”
Fred walked around sipping his tea, looking at Landry's luxurious writing desk in the alcove and the Boucher drawing in red chalk above the mantel. “I don’t know how you can put up with this place without a heroine. It would make me crave some adventures.”
Landry was helping himself to a second cup of tea. “Works quite the other way with me. It consoles me for the lack of her. It’s just feminine enough to be pleasant to return to. Not any more tea? Then sit down and play for me. I’m always playing for other people, and I never have a chance to sit here quietly and listen.”
Landry was pouring himself a second cup of tea. “It’s totally the opposite for me. It makes me feel better about her absence. It’s just feminine enough to be nice to come back to. No more tea? Then come sit down and play for me. I’m always playing for others, and I never get a chance to just sit here quietly and listen.”
Ottenburg opened the piano and began softly to boom forth the shadowy introduction to the opera they had just heard. “Will that do?” he asked jokingly. “I can’t seem to get it out of my head.”
Ottenburg opened the piano and started to softly play the haunting intro to the opera they had just heard. “Does that work?” he asked jokingly. “I can’t seem to shake it off.”
“Oh, excellently! Thea told me it was quite wonderful, the way you can do Wagner scores on the piano. So few people can give one any idea of the music. Go ahead, as long as you like. I can smoke, too.” Landry flattened himself out on his cushions and abandoned himself to ease with the circumstance of one who has never grown quite accustomed to ease.
“Oh, that's great! Thea told me it was amazing how you can play Wagner on the piano. So few people really capture the music. Go ahead, take your time. I can smoke, too.” Landry laid back on his cushions and relaxed as someone who has never fully gotten used to comfort.
Ottenburg played on, as he happened to remember. He understood now why Thea wished him to hear her in “Rheingold.” It had been clear to him as soon as Fricka rose from sleep and looked out over the young world, stretching one white arm toward the new Götterburg shining on the heights. “Wotan! Gemahl! erwache!” She was pure Scandinavian, this Fricka: “Swedish summer”! he remembered old Mr. Nathanmeyer’s phrase. She had wished him to see her because she had a distinct kind of loveliness for this part, a shining beauty like the light of sunset on distant sails. She seemed to take on the look of immortal loveliness, the youth of the golden apples, the shining body and the shining mind. Fricka had been a jealous spouse to him for so long that he had forgot she meant wisdom before she meant domestic order, and that, in any event, she was always a goddess. The Fricka of that afternoon was so clear and sunny, so nobly conceived, that she made a whole atmosphere about herself and quite redeemed from shabbiness the helplessness and unscrupulousness of the gods. Her reproaches to Wotan were the pleadings of a tempered mind, a consistent sense of beauty. In the long silences of her part, her shining presence was a visible complement to the discussion of the orchestra. As the themes which were to help in weaving the drama to its end first came vaguely upon the ear, one saw their import and tendency in the face of this clearest-visioned of the gods.
Ottenburg continued playing as he remembered. He understood now why Thea wanted him to hear her in “Rheingold.” It became obvious to him as soon as Fricka woke up and looked out over the young world, stretching one white arm towards the new Götterburg shining on the heights. “Wotan! Gemahl! erwache!” She was pure Scandinavian, this Fricka: “Swedish summer!” he recalled old Mr. Nathanmeyer’s phrase. She wanted him to see her because she possessed a unique kind of beauty for this role, a radiant beauty like the sunset glimmering on distant sails. She seemed to embody eternal beauty, the youth of the golden apples, the shining body and mind. Fricka had been a jealous wife to him for so long that he had forgotten she represented wisdom before domestic order, and that, in any case, she was always a goddess. The Fricka of that afternoon was so bright and sunny, so nobly conceived, that she created an entire atmosphere around herself and completely redeemed the helplessness and unscrupulousness of the gods. Her reproaches to Wotan were the pleadings of a composed mind, a consistent sense of beauty. In the long silences of her part, her radiant presence was a visible complement to the orchestra's discussion. As the themes that would help weave the drama to its conclusion first came faintly to the ear, their importance and direction were clear in the face of this most clear-sighted of the gods.
In the scene between Fricka and Wotan, Ottenburg stopped. “I can’t seem to get the voices, in there.”
In the scene between Fricka and Wotan, Ottenburg paused. “I can't seem to hear the voices in there.”
Landry chuckled. “Don’t try. I know it well enough. I expect I’ve been over that with her a thousand times. I was playing for her almost every day when she was first working on it. When she begins with a part she’s hard to work with: so slow you’d think she was stupid if you didn’t know her. Of course she blames it all on her accompanist. It goes on like that for weeks sometimes. This did. She kept shaking her head and staring and looking gloomy. All at once, she got her line—it usually comes suddenly, after stretches of not getting anywhere at all—and after that it kept changing and clearing. As she worked her voice into it, it got more and more of that ‘gold’ quality that makes her Fricka so different.”
Landry laughed. “Don’t bother. I know it really well. I’ve gone over it with her countless times. I was playing for her almost every day when she was first trying to learn it. When she starts on a piece, she can be tough to work with: so slow you’d think she was clueless if you didn’t know her. Of course, she blames it all on her accompanist. Sometimes this goes on for weeks. It did this time. She kept shaking her head, staring, and looking downcast. Then suddenly, she got her part—it usually comes out of nowhere after a long time of feeling stuck—and after that, it kept evolving and becoming clearer. As she worked her voice into it, it gained more and more of that ‘gold’ quality that makes her Fricka stand out.”
Fred began Fricka’s first aria again. “It’s certainly different. Curious how she does it. Such a beautiful idea, out of a part that’s always been so ungrateful. She’s a lovely thing, but she was never so beautiful as that, really. Nobody is.” He repeated the loveliest phrase. “How does she manage it, Landry? You’ve worked with her.”
Fred started Fricka’s first aria again. “It’s definitely different. It's interesting how she does it. Such a beautiful concept, coming from a part that’s always been so ungrateful. She’s lovely, but she was never really that beautiful. Nobody is.” He repeated the most beautiful phrase. “How does she pull it off, Landry? You've worked with her.”
Landry drew cherishingly on the last cigarette he meant to permit himself before singing. “Oh, it’s a question of a big personality—and all that goes with it. Brains, of course. Imagination, of course. But the important thing is that she was born full of color, with a rich personality. That’s a gift of the gods, like a fine nose. You have it, or you haven’t. Against it, intelligence and musicianship and habits of industry don’t count at all. Singers are a conventional race. When Thea was studying in Berlin the other girls were mortally afraid of her. She has a pretty rough hand with women, dull ones, and she could be rude, too! The girls used to call her die Wölfin.”
Landry took a loving drag on the last cigarette he allowed himself before performing. “Oh, it’s all about having a big personality—and everything that comes with it. Brains, definitely. Imagination, for sure. But the key thing is that she was born full of life, with a vibrant personality. That’s a gift from the gods, like having a great nose. You either have it or you don’t. In comparison, intelligence, musical talent, and hard work don’t really matter. Singers are a traditional bunch. When Thea was studying in Berlin, the other girls were really intimidated by her. She could be pretty tough on women, especially the less interesting ones, and she could be rude too! The girls used to call her die Wölfin.”
Fred thrust his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the piano. “Of course, even a stupid woman could get effects with such machinery: such a voice and body and face. But they couldn’t possibly belong to a stupid woman, could they?”
Fred shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the piano. “Obviously, even a clueless woman could get results with that kind of equipment: such a voice, body, and face. But they couldn’t possibly belong to a clueless woman, right?”
Landry shook his head. “It’s personality; that’s as near as you can come to it. That’s what constitutes real equipment. What she does is interesting because she does it. Even the things she discards are suggestive. I regret some of them. Her conceptions are colored in so many different ways. You’ve heard her Elizabeth? Wonderful, isn’t it? She was working on that part years ago when her mother was ill. I could see her anxiety and grief getting more and more into the part. The last act is heart-breaking. It’s as homely as a country prayer meeting: might be any lonely woman getting ready to die. It’s full of the thing every plain creature finds out for himself, but that never gets written down. It’s unconscious memory, maybe; inherited memory, like folk-music. I call it personality.”
Landry shook his head. “It’s all about personality; that’s as close as you can get to it. That’s what makes real talent. What she does is fascinating just because she does it. Even the things she drops are intriguing. I wish some of them hadn’t been left behind. Her ideas are infused with so many different influences. You’ve heard her Elizabeth? It's amazing, isn’t it? She was working on that role years ago when her mother was sick. I could see her anxiety and sadness increasingly woven into the role. The final act is heartbreaking. It’s as familiar as a small-town prayer meeting: it could be any lonely woman preparing for her end. It’s full of what every simple person discovers for themselves but that never gets written down. It’s unconscious memory, maybe; inherited memory, like folk music. I call it personality.”
Fred laughed, and turning to the piano began coaxing the Fricka music again. “Call it anything you like, my boy. I have a name for it myself, but I shan’t tell you.” He looked over his shoulder at Landry, stretched out by the fire. “You have a great time watching her, don’t you?”
Fred laughed and turned to the piano, starting to play the Fricka music again. “You can call it whatever you want, my boy. I have a name for it too, but I won’t share.” He glanced back at Landry, who was lounging by the fire. “You really enjoy watching her, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes!” replied Landry simply. “I’m not interested in much that goes on in New York. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to dress.” He rose with a reluctant sigh. “Can I get you anything? Some whiskey?”
“Oh, yes!” Landry replied casually. “I’m not really interested in much that happens in New York. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get dressed.” He stood up with a reluctant sigh. “Can I get you anything? Some whiskey?”
“Thank you, no. I’ll amuse myself here. I don’t often get a chance at a good piano when I’m away from home. You haven’t had this one long, have you? Action’s a bit stiff. I say,” he stopped Landry in the doorway, “has Thea ever been down here?”
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll entertain myself here. I don’t often get the chance to play a decent piano when I’m away from home. You haven’t had this one for long, right? The action is a bit stiff. By the way,” he stopped Landry in the doorway, “has Thea ever come down here?”
Landry turned back. “Yes. She came several times when I had erysipelas. I was a nice mess, with two nurses. She brought down some inside window-boxes, planted with crocuses and things. Very cheering, only I couldn’t see them or her.”
Landry turned back. “Yeah. She came over several times when I had erysipelas. I was a real mess, with two nurses. She brought some indoor window boxes, planted with crocuses and stuff. It was really nice, but I couldn’t see them or her.”
“Didn’t she like your place?”
“Didn't she like your apartment?”
“She thought she did, but I fancy it was a good deal cluttered up for her taste. I could hear her pacing about like something in a cage. She pushed the piano back against the wall and the chairs into corners, and she broke my amber elephant.” Landry took a yellow object some four inches high from one of his low bookcases. “You can see where his leg is glued on,—a souvenir. Yes, he’s lemon amber, very fine.”
“She thought she did, but I think it was way too cluttered for her liking. I could hear her walking back and forth like something trapped in a cage. She pushed the piano against the wall and moved the chairs into corners, and she broke my amber elephant.” Landry picked up a yellow object about four inches tall from one of his low bookcases. “You can see where his leg is glued on—a souvenir. Yeah, he’s lemon amber, really nice.”
Landry disappeared behind the curtains and in a moment Fred heard the wheeze of an atomizer. He put the amber elephant on the piano beside him and seemed to get a great deal of amusement out of the beast.
Landry went behind the curtains, and a moment later, Fred heard the wheezing sound of an atomizer. He set the amber elephant on the piano next to him and appeared to find a lot of amusement in the figure.
IX
When Archie and Ottenburg dined with Thea on Saturday evening, they were served downstairs in the hotel dining-room, but they were to have their coffee in her own apartment. As they were going up in the elevator after dinner, Fred turned suddenly to Thea. “And why, please, did you break Landry’s amber elephant?”
When Archie and Ottenburg had dinner with Thea on Saturday night, they ate in the hotel dining room, but they were going to have their coffee in her apartment. As they were going up in the elevator after dinner, Fred suddenly turned to Thea. “So, why did you break Landry’s amber elephant?”
She looked guilty and began to laugh. “Hasn’t he got over that yet? I didn’t really mean to break it. I was perhaps careless. His things are so over-petted that I was tempted to be careless with a lot of them.”
She looked guilty and started to laugh. “Hasn’t he gotten over that yet? I didn’t really mean to break it. I guess I was a bit careless. His things are so pampered that I was tempted to be careless with many of them.”
“How can you be so heartless, when they’re all he has in the world?”
“How can you be so cold-hearted when they’re all he has in the world?”
“He has me. I’m a great deal of diversion for him; all he needs. There,” she said as she opened the door into her own hall, “I shouldn’t have said that before the elevator boy.”
“He’s got me. I’m a big source of entertainment for him; all he needs. There,” she said as she opened the door to her own hallway, “I shouldn’t have said that in front of the elevator guy.”
“Even an elevator boy couldn’t make a scandal about Oliver. He’s such a catnip man.”
“Even an elevator attendant couldn’t create a scandal about Oliver. He’s such a magnetic guy.”
Dr. Archie laughed, but Thea, who seemed suddenly to have thought of something annoying, repeated blankly, “Catnip man?”
Dr. Archie laughed, but Thea, who suddenly looked like she had thought of something irritating, repeated blankly, “Catnip man?”
“Yes, he lives on catnip, and rum tea. But he’s not the only one. You are like an eccentric old woman I know in Boston, who goes about in the spring feeding catnip to street cats. You dispense it to a lot of fellows. Your pull seems to be more with men than with women, you know; with seasoned men, about my age, or older. Even on Friday afternoon I kept running into them, old boys I hadn’t seen for years, thin at the part and thick at the girth, until I stood still in the draft and held my hair on. They’re always there; I hear them talking about you in the smoking room. Probably we don’t get to the point of apprehending anything good until we’re about forty. Then, in the light of what is going, and of what, God help us! is coming, we arrive at understanding.”
“Yes, he lives on catnip and rum tea. But he's not the only one. You remind me of an eccentric old woman I know in Boston who spends spring feeding catnip to street cats. You give it out to a lot of guys. Your charm seems to work better on men than on women, you know; with seasoned men, around my age or older. Even on Friday afternoon, I kept running into them, old guys I hadn't seen in years, thin at the hairline and thick around the middle, until I stood still in the draft and held my hair down. They're always around; I hear them talking about you in the smoking room. We probably don't really grasp anything meaningful until we're around forty. Then, in light of what’s happening now, and what's, God help us! on the way, we start to get it.”
“I don’t see why people go to the opera, anyway,—serious people.” She spoke discontentedly. “I suppose they get something, or think they do. Here’s the coffee. There, please,” she directed the waiter. Going to the table she began to pour the coffee, standing. She wore a white dress trimmed with crystals which had rattled a good deal during dinner, as all her movements had been impatient and nervous, and she had twisted the dark velvet rose at her girdle until it looked rumpled and weary. She poured the coffee as if it were a ceremony in which she did not believe. “Can you make anything of Fred’s nonsense, Dr. Archie?” she asked, as he came to take his cup.
“I don’t get why people go to the opera, especially serious ones,” she said, sounding frustrated. “I guess they get something out of it, or at least think they do. Here’s the coffee. Right there, please,” she instructed the waiter. As she approached the table, she started pouring the coffee while standing. She was wearing a white dress with crystal trim that had jingled a lot during dinner, as she’d been acting impatient and restless, and she had twisted the dark velvet rose at her waist until it looked crumpled and tired. She poured the coffee like it was a ritual she didn’t really believe in. “Can you make sense of Fred’s nonsense, Dr. Archie?” she asked as he came to get his cup.
Fred approached her. “My nonsense is all right. The same brand has gone with you before. It’s you who won’t be jollied. What’s the matter? You have something on your mind.”
Fred walked up to her. “My nonsense is fine. You’ve dealt with the same thing before. It’s you who won’t lighten up. What’s wrong? You’ve got something bothering you.”
“I’ve a good deal. Too much to be an agreeable hostess.” She turned quickly away from the coffee and sat down on the piano bench, facing the two men. “For one thing, there’s a change in the cast for Friday afternoon. They’re going to let me sing Sieglinde.” Her frown did not conceal the pleasure with which she made this announcement.
“I have a lot going on. Too much to be a good hostess.” She turned away from the coffee and sat down on the piano bench, facing the two men. “For one thing, there’s a change in the cast for Friday afternoon. They’re going to let me sing Sieglinde.” Her frown didn’t hide the excitement she felt sharing this news.
“Are you going to keep us dangling about here forever, Thea? Archie and I are supposed to have other things to do.” Fred looked at her with an excitement quite as apparent as her own.
“Are you going to keep us waiting here forever, Thea? Archie and I have other things to do.” Fred looked at her with an excitement that was just as clear as her own.
“Here I’ve been ready to sing Sieglinde for two years, kept in torment, and now it comes off within two weeks, just when I want to be seeing something of Dr. Archie. I don’t know what their plans are down there. After Friday they may let me cool for several weeks, and they may rush me. I suppose it depends somewhat on how things go Friday afternoon.”
“Here I’ve been ready to sing Sieglinde for two years, kept in torment, and now it’s happening in just two weeks, right when I want to be catching up with Dr. Archie. I have no idea what their plans are down there. After Friday they might let me relax for a few weeks, or they might push me. I guess it depends a bit on how things go Friday afternoon.”
“Oh, they’ll go fast enough! That’s better suited to your voice than anything you’ve sung here. That gives you every opportunity I’ve waited for.” Ottenburg crossed the room and standing beside her began to play “Du bist der Lenz.”
“Oh, they'll go quickly enough! That fits your voice better than anything you've sung here. That gives you every chance I've been waiting for.” Ottenburg crossed the room and stood beside her as he started to play “Du bist der Lenz.”
With a violent movement Thea caught his wrists and pushed his hands away from the keys.
With a swift motion, Thea grabbed his wrists and pushed his hands away from the keys.
“Fred, can’t you be serious? A thousand things may happen between this and Friday to put me out. Something will happen. If that part were sung well, as well as it ought to be, it would be one of the most beautiful things in the world. That’s why it never is sung right, and never will be.” She clenched her hands and opened them despairingly, looking out of the open window. “It’s inaccessibly beautiful!” she brought out sharply.
“Fred, can’t you be serious? A thousand things could happen between now and Friday to ruin this for me. Something will go wrong. If that part were sung well, as it should be, it would be one of the most beautiful things in the world. That’s why it’s never sung right, and it never will be.” She clenched her hands and then opened them in despair, gazing out of the open window. “It’s impossibly beautiful!” she said sharply.
Fred and Dr. Archie watched her. In a moment she turned back to them. “It’s impossible to sing a part like that well for the first time, except for the sort who will never sing it any better. Everything hangs on that first night, and that’s bound to be bad. There you are,” she shrugged impatiently. “For one thing, they change the cast at the eleventh hour and then rehearse the life out of me.”
Fred and Dr. Archie watched her. After a moment, she turned back to them. “It’s impossible to sing a part like that well the first time, except for those who will never sing it better. Everything depends on that first night, and it’s bound to be rough. That’s just how it is,” she shrugged impatiently. “For one thing, they switch up the cast at the last minute and then rehearse me to death.”
Ottenburg put down his cup with exaggerated care. “Still, you really want to do it, you know.”
Ottenburg set his cup down with deliberate care. “But you really want to go through with it, don’t you?”
“Want to?” she repeated indignantly; “of course I want to! If this were only next Thursday night—But between now and Friday I’ll do nothing but fret away my strength. Oh, I’m not saying I don’t need the rehearsals! But I don’t need them strung out through a week. That system’s well enough for phlegmatic singers; it only drains me. Every single feature of operatic routine is detrimental to me. I usually go on like a horse that’s been fixed to lose a race. I have to work hard to do my worst, let alone my best. I wish you could hear me sing well, once,” she turned to Fred defiantly; “I have, a few times in my life, when there was nothing to gain by it.”
“Want to?” she repeated angrily; “of course I want to! If this were just next Thursday night—But between now and Friday, I’ll just stress myself out. Oh, I’m not saying I don’t need the rehearsals! But I don’t need them dragged out over a week. That approach works fine for laid-back singers; it just wears me out. Every single part of the opera routine is harmful to me. I usually perform like a horse that’s been trained to lose a race. I have to push myself hard to do my worst, let alone my best. I wish you could hear me sing well, just once,” she turned to Fred defiantly; “I have, a few times in my life, when there was nothing to gain from it.”
Fred approached her again and held out his hand. “I recall my instructions, and now I’ll leave you to fight it out with Archie. He can’t possibly represent managerial stupidity to you as I seem to have a gift for doing.”
Fred came up to her again and extended his hand. “I remember my instructions, and now I’ll let you handle things with Archie. He definitely can’t show you managerial incompetence the way I seem to have a knack for doing.”
As he smiled down at her, his good humor, his good wishes, his understanding, embarrassed her and recalled her to herself. She kept her seat, still holding his hand. “All the same, Fred, isn’t it too bad, that there are so many things—” She broke off with a shake of the head.
As he smiled down at her, his cheerful nature, his kind thoughts, his empathy, embarrassed her and brought her back to reality. She remained seated, still holding his hand. “Still, Fred, isn’t it a shame that there are so many things—” She stopped, shaking her head.
“My dear girl, if I could bridge over the agony between now and Friday for you—But you know the rules of the game; why torment yourself? You saw the other night that you had the part under your thumb. Now walk, sleep, play with Archie, keep your tiger hungry, and she’ll spring all right on Friday. I’ll be there to see her, and there’ll be more than I, I suspect. Harsanyi’s on the Wilhelm der Grosse; gets in on Thursday.”
“My dear girl, if I could make it easier for you between now and Friday—I would. But you know the rules; why stress yourself out? You saw the other night that you had the role in the bag. Now go out, get some rest, hang out with Archie, keep your excitement in check, and everything will fall into place on Friday. I’ll be there to see it, and I think there will be more people than just me. Harsanyi’s on the Wilhelm der Grosse; he arrives on Thursday.”
“Harsanyi?” Thea’s eye lighted. “I haven’t seen him for years. We always miss each other.” She paused, hesitating. “Yes, I should like that. But he’ll be busy, maybe?”
“Harsanyi?” Thea’s eyes lit up. “I haven’t seen him in years. We always miss each other.” She paused, hesitating. “Yes, I would like that. But he might be busy, right?”
“He gives his first concert at Carnegie Hall, week after next. Better send him a box if you can.”
“He's having his first concert at Carnegie Hall the week after next. You should definitely send him a box if you can.”
“Yes, I’ll manage it.” Thea took his hand again. “Oh, I should like that, Fred!” she added impulsively. “Even if I were put out, he’d get the idea,”—she threw back her head,—“for there is an idea!”
“Yes, I’ll handle it.” Thea took his hand again. “Oh, I would love that, Fred!” she added impulsively. “Even if I got upset, he’d get the message,”—she threw back her head,—“because there is a message!”
“Which won’t penetrate here,” he tapped his brow and began to laugh. “You are an ungrateful huzzy, comme les autres!”
“Which won’t get through to me,” he tapped his forehead and started to laugh. “You’re an ungrateful brat, comme les autres!”
Thea detained him as he turned away. She pulled a flower out of a bouquet on the piano and absently drew the stem through the lapel of his coat. “I shall be walking in the Park to-morrow afternoon, on the reservoir path, between four and five, if you care to join me. You know that after Harsanyi I’d rather please you than anyone else. You know a lot, but he knows even more than you.”
Thea stopped him as he turned to leave. She took a flower from a bouquet on the piano and absentmindedly threaded the stem through the lapel of his coat. “I’ll be walking in the park tomorrow afternoon, on the reservoir path, between four and five, if you want to join me. You know that after Harsanyi, I’d rather make you happy than anyone else. You know a lot, but he knows even more than you do.”
“Thank you. Don’t try to analyze it. Schlafen sie wohl!” he kissed her fingers and waved from the door, closing it behind him.
“Thank you. Don’t overthink it. Sleep well!” he kissed her fingers and waved from the door, shutting it behind him.
“He’s the right sort, Thea.” Dr. Archie looked warmly after his disappearing friend. “I’ve always hoped you’d make it up with Fred.”
“He’s a good guy, Thea.” Dr. Archie smiled as he watched his friend walk away. “I’ve always hoped you’d patch things up with Fred.”
“Well, haven’t I? Oh, marry him, you mean! Perhaps it may come about, some day. Just at present he’s not in the marriage market any more than I am, is he?”
“Well, haven't I? Oh, you mean marry him! Maybe it will happen someday. Right now, he's not looking to get married any more than I am, is he?”
“No, I suppose not. It’s a damned shame that a man like Ottenburg should be tied up as he is, wasting all the best years of his life. A woman with general paresis ought to be legally dead.”
“No, I guess not. It’s such a shame that a guy like Ottenburg is stuck like this, wasting all the best years of his life. A woman with general paresis should be considered legally dead.”
“Don’t let us talk about Fred’s wife, please. He had no business to get into such a mess, and he had no business to stay in it. He’s always been a softy where women were concerned.”
“Let’s avoid talking about Fred’s wife, please. He shouldn’t have gotten himself into such a mess, and he shouldn’t have stuck around in it. He’s always been a pushover when it comes to women.”
“Most of us are, I’m afraid,” Dr. Archie admitted meekly.
“Most of us are, I’m afraid,” Dr. Archie admitted quietly.
“Too much light in here, isn’t there? Tires one’s eyes. The stage lights are hard on mine.” Thea began turning them out. “We’ll leave the little one, over the piano.” She sank down by Archie on the deep sofa. “We two have so much to talk about that we keep away from it altogether; have you noticed? We don’t even nibble the edges. I wish we had Landry here to-night to play for us. He’s very comforting.”
“Isn't it way too bright in here? It's hard on the eyes. The stage lights really strain mine.” Thea started to dim them. “Let’s keep the little one over the piano.” She settled down next to Archie on the comfy sofa. “We have so much to discuss, yet we completely avoid it; have you noticed? We don’t even touch on the surface. I wish Landry were here tonight to play for us. He’s really comforting.”
“I’m afraid you don’t have enough personal life, outside your work, Thea.” The doctor looked at her anxiously.
“I’m afraid you don’t have much of a personal life outside of work, Thea.” The doctor looked at her with concern.
She smiled at him with her eyes half closed. “My dear doctor, I don’t have any. Your work becomes your personal life. You are not much good until it does. It’s like being woven into a big web. You can’t pull away, because all your little tendrils are woven into the picture. It takes you up, and uses you, and spins you out; and that is your life. Not much else can happen to you.”
She smiled at him with her eyes half closed. “My dear doctor, I don’t have any. Your work becomes your personal life. You’re not really effective until it does. It’s like being caught in a huge web. You can’t escape, because all your little threads are intertwined with the whole thing. It takes you in, uses you, and spins you out; and that becomes your life. Not much else can happen to you.”
“Didn’t you think of marrying, several years ago?”
“Didn’t you think about getting married a few years ago?”
“You mean Nordquist? Yes; but I changed my mind. We had been singing a good deal together. He’s a splendid creature.”
“You mean Nordquist? Yeah; but I changed my mind. We had been singing quite a bit together. He’s an amazing guy.”
“Were you much in love with him, Thea?” the doctor asked hopefully.
“Were you really in love with him, Thea?” the doctor asked with hope.
She smiled again. “I don’t think I know just what that expression means. I’ve never been able to find out. I think I was in love with you when I was little, but not with any one since then. There are a great many ways of caring for people. It’s not, after all, a simple state, like measles or tonsilitis. Nordquist is a taking sort of man. He and I were out in a rowboat once in a terrible storm. The lake was fed by glaciers,—ice water,—and we couldn’t have swum a stroke if the boat had filled. If we hadn’t both been strong and kept our heads, we’d have gone down. We pulled for every ounce there was in us, and we just got off with our lives. We were always being thrown together like that, under some kind of pressure. Yes, for a while I thought he would make everything right.” She paused and sank back, resting her head on a cushion, pressing her eyelids down with her fingers. “You see,” she went on abruptly, “he had a wife and two children. He hadn’t lived with her for several years, but when she heard that he wanted to marry again, she began to make trouble. He earned a good deal of money, but he was careless and always wretchedly in debt. He came to me one day and told me he thought his wife would settle for a hundred thousand marks and consent to a divorce. I got very angry and sent him away. Next day he came back and said he thought she’d take fifty thousand.”
She smiled again. “I don't think I really understand what that expression means. I’ve never been able to figure it out. I think I was in love with you when I was a kid, but I haven't felt that way about anyone since. There are so many ways to care for people. It’s not just a simple thing like measles or tonsillitis. Nordquist is a charming kind of guy. We once went out in a rowboat during a terrible storm. The lake was fed by glaciers—ice-cold water—and we wouldn’t have been able to swim if the boat had capsized. If we hadn’t both been strong and kept our cool, we would have drowned. We rowed with every bit of strength we had, and we barely escaped with our lives. We were always getting thrown together like that, under some kind of pressure. Yes, for a while, I thought he would make everything okay.” She paused and sank back, resting her head on a cushion, pressing her eyelids down with her fingers. “You see,” she continued suddenly, “he had a wife and two kids. He hadn’t lived with her for several years, but when she found out he wanted to remarry, she started causing problems. He made a good amount of money, but he was careless and always in terrible debt. One day he came to me and said he thought his wife would settle for a hundred thousand marks and agree to a divorce. I got really angry and sent him away. The next day he came back and said he thought she’d accept fifty thousand.”
Dr. Archie drew away from her, to the end of the sofa.
Dr. Archie moved away from her, to the end of the sofa.
“Good God, Thea,”—He ran his handkerchief over his forehead. “What sort of people—” He stopped and shook his head.
“Good God, Thea,”—He wiped his forehead with his handkerchief. “What kind of people—” He paused and shook his head.
Thea rose and stood beside him, her hand on his shoulder. “That’s exactly how it struck me,” she said quietly. “Oh, we have things in common, things that go away back, under everything. You understand, of course. Nordquist didn’t. He thought I wasn’t willing to part with the money. I couldn’t let myself buy him from Fru Nordquist, and he couldn’t see why. He had always thought I was close about money, so he attributed it to that. I am careful,”—she ran her arm through Archie’s and when he rose began to walk about the room with him. “I can’t be careless with money. I began the world on six hundred dollars, and it was the price of a man’s life. Ray Kennedy had worked hard and been sober and denied himself, and when he died he had six hundred dollars to show for it. I always measure things by that six hundred dollars, just as I measure high buildings by the Moonstone standpipe. There are standards we can’t get away from.”
Thea got up and stood next to him, her hand on his shoulder. “That’s exactly how I felt,” she said quietly. “Oh, we have things in common that go way back, deep down. You get it, of course. Nordquist didn’t. He thought I didn’t want to part with the money. I couldn’t let myself buy him from Fru Nordquist, and he couldn’t understand why. He always thought I was stingy with money, so he figured that was the reason. I am careful,”—she linked her arm with Archie’s and when he stood up, they started walking around the room together. “I can’t be reckless with money. I started out with six hundred dollars, and that was the price of a man’s life. Ray Kennedy worked hard, stayed sober, and made sacrifices, and when he passed away, he had six hundred dollars to show for it. I always judge things by that six hundred dollars, just like I measure tall buildings by the Moonstone standpipe. There are standards we can’t escape.”
Dr. Archie took her hand. “I don’t believe we should be any happier if we did get away from them. I think it gives you some of your poise, having that anchor. You look,” glancing down at her head and shoulders, “sometimes so like your mother.”
Dr. Archie took her hand. “I don’t think we’d be any happier if we got away from them. I believe having that connection gives you some of your confidence. You look,” glancing down at her head and shoulders, “sometimes so much like your mom.”
“Thank you. You couldn’t say anything nicer to me than that. On Friday afternoon, didn’t you think?”
“Thank you. You couldn’t say anything nicer to me than that. On Friday afternoon, didn’t you think?”
“Yes, but at other times, too. I love to see it. Do you know what I thought about that first night when I heard you sing? I kept remembering the night I took care of you when you had pneumonia, when you were ten years old. You were a terribly sick child, and I was a country doctor without much experience. There were no oxygen tanks about then. You pretty nearly slipped away from me. If you had—”
“Yes, but also at other times. I love to see it. Do you know what I thought about that first night when I heard you sing? I kept remembering the night I took care of you when you had pneumonia, when you were ten. You were a really sick kid, and I was a rural doctor with little experience. There weren't any oxygen tanks back then. You nearly slipped away from me. If you had—”
Thea dropped her head on his shoulder. “I’d have saved myself and you a lot of trouble, wouldn’t I? Dear Dr. Archie!” she murmured.
Thea rested her head on his shoulder. “I could’ve saved both of us a lot of trouble, right? Dear Dr. Archie!” she whispered.
“As for me, life would have been a pretty bleak stretch, with you left out.” The doctor took one of the crystal pendants that hung from her shoulder and looked into it thoughtfully. “I guess I’m a romantic old fellow, underneath. And you’ve always been my romance. Those years when you were growing up were my happiest. When I dream about you, I always see you as a little girl.”
“As for me, life would have been pretty dull without you.” The doctor picked up one of the crystal pendants hanging from her shoulder and gazed at it thoughtfully. “I guess I’m a sentimental old guy at heart. And you’ve always been my special love. Those years when you were growing up were the happiest for me. When I dream about you, I always picture you as a little girl.”
They paused by the open window. “Do you? Nearly all my dreams, except those about breaking down on the stage or missing trains, are about Moonstone. You tell me the old house has been pulled down, but it stands in my mind, every stick and timber. In my sleep I go all about it, and look in the right drawers and cupboards for everything. I often dream that I’m hunting for my rubbers in that pile of overshoes that was always under the hatrack in the hall. I pick up every overshoe and know whose it is, but I can’t find my own. Then the school bell begins to ring and I begin to cry. That’s the house I rest in when I’m tired. All the old furniture and the worn spots in the carpet—it rests my mind to go over them.”
They paused by the open window. “Do you? Almost all my dreams, except the ones about crashing on stage or missing trains, are about Moonstone. You say the old house has been torn down, but it’s still clear in my mind, every stick and beam. In my dreams, I explore it, looking in the right drawers and cabinets for everything. I often dream that I’m searching for my rain boots in that pile of old shoes that was always under the hat rack in the hallway. I pick up every shoe and know who it belongs to, but I can’t find my own. Then the school bell starts ringing and I begin to cry. That’s the house I go to when I’m tired. All the old furniture and the worn spots in the carpet—thinking about them puts my mind at ease.”
They were looking out of the window. Thea kept his arm. Down on the river four battleships were anchored in line, brilliantly lighted, and launches were coming and going, bringing the men ashore. A searchlight from one of the ironclads was playing on the great headland up the river, where it makes its first resolute turn. Overhead the night-blue sky was intense and clear.
They were looking out of the window. Thea held onto his arm. Down by the river, four battleships were anchored in a row, all brightly lit, and boats were coming and going, bringing the men to shore. A searchlight from one of the ironclads was sweeping across the vast headland up the river, where it makes its first sharp turn. Above, the deep blue night sky was clear and vivid.
“There’s so much that I want to tell you,” she said at last, “and it’s hard to explain. My life is full of jealousies and disappointments, you know. You get to hating people who do contemptible work and who get on just as well as you do. There are many disappointments in my profession, and bitter, bitter contempts!” Her face hardened, and looked much older. “If you love the good thing vitally, enough to give up for it all that one must give up for it, then you must hate the cheap thing just as hard. I tell you, there is such a thing as creative hate! A contempt that drives you through fire, makes you risk everything and lose everything, makes you a long sight better than you ever knew you could be.” As she glanced at Dr. Archie’s face, Thea stopped short and turned her own face away. Her eyes followed the path of the searchlight up the river and rested upon the illumined headland.
“There's so much I want to tell you,” she finally said, “and it’s hard to explain. My life is filled with jealousy and disappointment, you know. You start to hate people who do awful work and who succeed just as well as you do. There are many letdowns in my career, and a lot of bitter contempt!” Her expression hardened, making her look much older. “If you love something truly, enough to give up everything you need to for it, then you must hate the cheap stuff just as fiercely. I’m telling you, there’s such a thing as creative hate! A contempt that pushes you through hell, makes you risk everything and lose everything, making you far better than you ever thought you could be.” As she glanced at Dr. Archie’s face, Thea suddenly stopped and turned away. Her eyes followed the searchlight's beam up the river and landed on the lit headland.
“You see,” she went on more calmly, “voices are accidental things. You find plenty of good voices in common women, with common minds and common hearts. Look at that woman who sang Ortrude with me last week. She’s new here and the people are wild about her. ‘Such a beautiful volume of tone!’ they say. I give you my word she’s as stupid as an owl and as coarse as a pig, and any one who knows anything about singing would see that in an instant. Yet she’s quite as popular as Necker, who’s a great artist. How can I get much satisfaction out of the enthusiasm of a house that likes her atrociously bad performance at the same time that it pretends to like mine? If they like her, then they ought to hiss me off the stage. We stand for things that are irreconcilable, absolutely. You can’t try to do things right and not despise the people who do them wrong. How can I be indifferent? If that doesn’t matter, then nothing matters. Well, sometimes I’ve come home as I did the other night when you first saw me, so full of bitterness that it was as if my mind were full of daggers. And I’ve gone to sleep and wakened up in the Kohlers’ garden, with the pigeons and the white rabbits, so happy! And that saves me.” She sat down on the piano bench. Archie thought she had forgotten all about him, until she called his name. Her voice was soft now, and wonderfully sweet. It seemed to come from somewhere deep within her, there were such strong vibrations in it. “You see, Dr. Archie, what one really strives for in art is not the sort of thing you are likely to find when you drop in for a performance at the opera. What one strives for is so far away, so deep, so beautiful”—she lifted her shoulders with a long breath, folded her hands in her lap and sat looking at him with a resignation that made her face noble,—“that there’s nothing one can say about it, Dr. Archie.”
“You see,” she continued more calmly, “voices are random things. You can find lots of great voices in ordinary women, with ordinary minds and hearts. Look at that woman who sang Ortrude with me last week. She’s new here, and people are crazy about her. ‘What a beautiful tone!’ they say. I swear she’s as clueless as an owl and as crude as a pig, and anyone who knows anything about singing would see that right away. Yet she’s just as popular as Necker, who’s a real artist. How can I feel satisfied with the enthusiasm of a crowd that loves her awful performance while pretending to appreciate mine? If they like her, then they should be booing me off the stage. We represent things that are totally incompatible. You can’t try to do things right without looking down on those who do them wrong. How can I be indifferent? If that doesn’t matter, then nothing does. Well, sometimes I’ve come home like I did the other night when you first saw me, so full of bitterness that it felt like my mind was full of daggers. And I’ve gone to sleep and woken up in the Kohlers’ garden, with the pigeons and the white rabbits, so happy! And that saves me.” She sat down on the piano bench. Archie thought she had forgotten all about him until she called his name. Her voice was soft now, and wonderfully sweet. It seemed to come from somewhere deep within her, with such strong vibrations. “You see, Dr. Archie, what one really strives for in art isn’t the kind of thing you’re likely to find when you pop into a performance at the opera. What one strives for is so far away, so deep, so beautiful”—she lifted her shoulders with a deep breath, folded her hands in her lap, and sat looking at him with a calmness that made her face look noble,—“that there’s nothing one can say about it, Dr. Archie.”
Without knowing very well what it was all about, Archie was passionately stirred for her. “I’ve always believed in you, Thea; always believed,” he muttered.
Without fully understanding what was happening, Archie was deeply moved by her. “I’ve always believed in you, Thea; always believed,” he mumbled.
She smiled and closed her eyes. “They save me: the old things, things like the Kohlers’ garden. They are in everything I do.”
She smiled and closed her eyes. “They save me: the old things, things like the Kohlers' garden. They’re in everything I do.”
“In what you sing, you mean?”
“In what you sing, you mean?”
“Yes. Not in any direct way,”—she spoke hurriedly,—“the light, the color, the feeling. Most of all the feeling. It comes in when I’m working on a part, like the smell of a garden coming in at the window. I try all the new things, and then go back to the old. Perhaps my feelings were stronger then. A child’s attitude toward everything is an artist’s attitude. I am more or less of an artist now, but then I was nothing else. When I went with you to Chicago that first time, I carried with me the essentials, the foundation of all I do now. The point to which I could go was scratched in me then. I haven’t reached it yet, by a long way.”
“Yes. Not in any direct way,” she said quickly, “the light, the color, the feeling. Most of all, the feeling. It comes in when I’m working on a section, like the scent of a garden wafting in through the window. I try all the new techniques, and then return to the old ones. Maybe my emotions were stronger back then. A child’s perspective on everything is like an artist’s perspective. I’m somewhat of an artist now, but back then, that was all I was. When I went with you to Chicago that first time, I brought the essentials with me, the foundation of everything I do now. The limit of where I could go was already marked in me then. I still haven’t reached it, not by a long shot.”
Archie had a swift flash of memory. Pictures passed before him. “You mean,” he asked wonderingly, “that you knew then that you were so gifted?”
Archie had a quick flash of memory. Images raced through his mind. “You mean,” he asked in amazement, “that you knew back then that you were so talented?”
Thea looked up at him and smiled. “Oh, I didn’t know anything! Not enough to ask you for my trunk when I needed it. But you see, when I set out from Moonstone with you, I had had a rich, romantic past. I had lived a long, eventful life, and an artist’s life, every hour of it. Wagner says, in his most beautiful opera, that art is only a way of remembering youth. And the older we grow the more precious it seems to us, and the more richly we can present that memory. When we’ve got it all out,—the last, the finest thrill of it, the brightest hope of it,”—she lifted her hand above her head and dropped it,—“then we stop. We do nothing but repeat after that. The stream has reached the level of its source. That’s our measure.”
Thea looked up at him and smiled. “Oh, I didn’t know anything! Not enough to ask you for my trunk when I needed it. But you see, when I set out from Moonstone with you, I had a rich, romantic past. I had lived a long, eventful life, and an artist’s life, every hour of it. Wagner says, in his most beautiful opera, that art is just a way of remembering youth. And the older we get, the more precious it seems to us, and the better we can share that memory. When we’ve gotten it all out— the last, the finest thrill of it, the brightest hope of it,”—she lifted her hand above her head and dropped it,—“then we stop. We do nothing but repeat after that. The stream has reached the level of its source. That’s our measure.”
There was a long, warm silence. Thea was looking hard at the floor, as if she were seeing down through years and years, and her old friend stood watching her bent head. His look was one with which he used to watch her long ago, and which, even in thinking about her, had become a habit of his face. It was full of solicitude, and a kind of secret gratitude, as if to thank her for some inexpressible pleasure of the heart. Thea turned presently toward the piano and began softly to waken an old air:—
There was a long, warm silence. Thea was staring intently at the floor, as if she were looking down through the years, while her old friend stood by, watching her lowered head. His expression was the same one he had used to watch her long ago, and even when he thought about her, it had become a familiar look on his face. It was filled with concern and a kind of unspoken gratitude, as if he wanted to thank her for some indescribable joy in his heart. Thea eventually turned toward the piano and began softly playing an old tune:—
“Ca’ the yowes to the knowes,
Ca’ them where the heather grows,
Ca’ them where the burnie rowes,
My bonnie dear-ie.”
“Call the ewes to the hills,
Call them where the heather grows,
Call them where the stream flows,
My pretty dearie.”
Archie sat down and shaded his eyes with his hand. She turned her head and spoke to him over her shoulder. “Come on, you know the words better than I. That’s right.”
Archie sat down and shielded his eyes with his hand. She turned her head and spoke to him over her shoulder. “Come on, you know the words better than I do. That’s right.”
“We’ll gae down by Clouden’s side,
Through the hazels spreading wide,
O’er the waves that sweetly glide,
To the moon sae clearly.
Ghaist nor bogle shalt thou fear,
Thou’rt to love and Heav’n sae dear,
Nocht of ill may come thee near,
My bonnie dear-ie!”
"We'll go down by Clouden's side,
Through the hazels spreading wide,
Over the waves that sweetly glide,
To the moon so clearly.
A ghost or goblin you shall not fear,
You're so dear to love and heaven,
Nothing bad may come near you,
My lovely dearie!"
“We can get on without Landry. Let’s try it again, I have all the words now. Then we’ll have ‘Sweet Afton.’ Come: ‘Ca’ the yowes to the knowes’—”
“We can manage without Landry. Let’s give it another shot; I’ve got all the lyrics now. Then we’ll do ‘Sweet Afton.’ Come: ‘Ca’ the yowes to the knowes’—”
X
Ottenburg dismissed his taxicab at the 91st Street entrance of the Park and floundered across the drive through a wild spring snowstorm. When he reached the reservoir path he saw Thea ahead of him, walking rapidly against the wind. Except for that one figure, the path was deserted. A flock of gulls were hovering over the reservoir, seeming bewildered by the driving currents of snow that whirled above the black water and then disappeared within it. When he had almost overtaken Thea, Fred called to her, and she turned and waited for him with her back to the wind. Her hair and furs were powdered with snowflakes, and she looked like some rich-pelted animal, with warm blood, that had run in out of the woods. Fred laughed as he took her hand.
Ottenburg got out of his taxi at the 91st Street entrance of the Park and stumbled across the drive through a wild spring snowstorm. When he reached the reservoir path, he spotted Thea ahead of him, walking quickly against the wind. Other than her, the path was empty. A flock of gulls hovered over the reservoir, seeming confused by the swirling snow that twisted above the dark water and then vanished into it. Just as he was about to catch up to Thea, Fred called out to her, and she turned to wait for him with her back to the wind. Her hair and fur were covered in snowflakes, and she looked like some luxurious animal that had come in from the woods. Fred laughed as he took her hand.
“No use asking how you do. You surely needn’t feel much anxiety about Friday, when you can look like this.”
“No point in asking how you're doing. You definitely don't need to worry about Friday when you can look like this.”
She moved close to the iron fence to make room for him beside her, and faced the wind again. “Oh, I’m well enough, in so far as that goes. But I’m not lucky about stage appearances. I’m easily upset, and the most perverse things happen.”
She stepped closer to the iron fence to make space for him next to her and turned back to face the wind. “Oh, I’m fine enough, in that sense. But I don’t have good luck with performances. I get upset easily, and the most ridiculous things happen.”
“What’s the matter? Do you still get nervous?”
“What’s wrong? Are you still feeling nervous?”
“Of course I do. I don’t mind nerves so much as getting numbed,” Thea muttered, sheltering her face for a moment with her muff. “I’m under a spell, you know, hoodooed. It’s the thing I want to do that I can never do. Any other effects I can get easily enough.”
“Of course I do. I don’t care about nerves as much as feeling numb,” Thea muttered, briefly covering her face with her muff. “I’m under some kind of spell, you know, cursed. It’s the thing I want to do that I can never manage. I can get any other results easily enough.”
“Yes, you get effects, and not only with your voice. That’s where you have it over all the rest of them; you’re as much at home on the stage as you were down in Panther Canyon—as if you’d just been let out of a cage. Didn’t you get some of your ideas down there?”
“Yes, you get effects, and not just with your voice. That’s where you have the advantage over everyone else; you’re as comfortable on stage as you were in Panther Canyon—like you’ve just been set free from a cage. Didn’t you come up with some of your ideas down there?”
Thea nodded. “Oh, yes! For heroic parts, at least. Out of the rocks, out of the dead people. You mean the idea of standing up under things, don’t you, meeting catastrophe? No fussiness. Seems to me they must have been a reserved, somber people, with only a muscular language, all their movements for a purpose; simple, strong, as if they were dealing with fate bare-handed.” She put her gloved fingers on Fred’s arm. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough. I don’t know if I’d ever have got anywhere without Panther Canyon. How did you know that was the one thing to do for me? It’s the sort of thing nobody ever helps one to, in this world. One can learn how to sing, but no singing teacher can give anybody what I got down there. How did you know?”
Thea nodded. “Oh, absolutely! At least for heroic roles. Rising up from the rocks, from the dead. You’re talking about the idea of enduring challenges, facing disaster, right? No nonsense. It seems to me they must have been a reserved, serious people, using only a strong language, moving with intention; simple, powerful, as if they were confronting fate head-on.” She placed her gloved fingers on Fred’s arm. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough. I don’t know if I’d have gotten anywhere without Panther Canyon. How did you know that was exactly what I needed? It’s the kind of thing no one ever helps you with in this world. You can learn to sing, but no singing teacher can give you what I gained down there. How did you know?”
“I didn’t know. Anything else would have done as well. It was your creative hour. I knew you were getting a lot, but I didn’t realize how much.”
“I didn’t know. Anything else would have worked too. It was your creative time. I knew you were getting a lot, but I didn’t realize how much.”
Thea walked on in silence. She seemed to be thinking.
Thea walked on quietly. She looked like she was deep in thought.
“Do you know what they really taught me?” she came out suddenly. “They taught me the inevitable hardness of human life. No artist gets far who doesn’t know that. And you can’t know it with your mind. You have to realize it in your body, somehow; deep. It’s an animal sort of feeling. I sometimes think it’s the strongest of all. Do you know what I’m driving at?”
“Do you know what they really taught me?” she said suddenly. “They taught me the unavoidable toughness of human life. No artist goes far without understanding that. And you can’t just understand it intellectually. You have to feel it in your body, somehow; deeply. It’s a primal kind of feeling. I sometimes think it’s the strongest of all. Do you understand what I’m getting at?”
“I think so. Even your audiences feel it, vaguely: that you’ve sometime or other faced things that make you different.”
“I think so. Even your audiences sense it, even if it's just a little: that you’ve confronted things that set you apart.”
Thea turned her back to the wind, wiping away the snow that clung to her brows and lashes. “Ugh!” she exclaimed; “no matter how long a breath you have, the storm has a longer. I haven’t signed for next season, yet, Fred. I’m holding out for a big contract: forty performances. Necker won’t be able to do much next winter. It’s going to be one of those between seasons; the old singers are too old, and the new ones are too new. They might as well risk me as anybody. So I want good terms. The next five or six years are going to be my best.”
Thea turned her back to the wind, brushing off the snow that stuck to her forehead and eyelashes. “Ugh!” she exclaimed. “No matter how deep your breath is, the storm can always outlast it. I haven’t signed for next season yet, Fred. I’m waiting for a big contract: forty performances. Necker won’t be able to do much next winter. It’s going to be one of those in-between seasons; the old singers are too old, and the new ones are too inexperienced. They might as well take a chance on me as anyone else. So I want good terms. The next five or six years are going to be my peak.”
“You’ll get what you demand, if you are uncompromising. I’m safe in congratulating you now.”
“You’ll get what you ask for, if you don't settle for less. I can confidently congratulate you now.”
Thea laughed. “It’s a little early. I may not get it at all. They don’t seem to be breaking their necks to meet me. I can go back to Dresden.”
Thea laughed. “It’s a bit early. I might not get it at all. They don’t seem to be rushing to meet me. I can just go back to Dresden.”
As they turned the curve and walked westward they got the wind from the side, and talking was easier.
As they rounded the bend and headed west, the wind hit them from the side, making conversation easier.
Fred lowered his collar and shook the snow from his shoulders. “Oh, I don’t mean on the contract particularly. I congratulate you on what you can do, Thea, and on all that lies behind what you do. On the life that’s led up to it, and on being able to care so much. That, after all, is the unusual thing.”
Fred lowered his collar and shook the snow off his shoulders. “Oh, I don’t mean just the contract. I admire what you can do, Thea, and everything that has brought you to this point. I commend you for the life that’s led up to it and for being able to care so deeply. That, after all, is what makes you stand out.”
She looked at him sharply, with a certain apprehension. “Care? Why shouldn’t I care? If I didn’t, I’d be in a bad way. What else have I got?” She stopped with a challenging interrogation, but Ottenburg did not reply. “You mean,” she persisted, “that you don’t care as much as you used to?”
She looked at him intently, with a hint of worry. “Care? Why shouldn’t I care? If I didn’t, I’d be in trouble. What else do I have?” She paused with a confrontational question, but Ottenburg didn’t answer. “You mean,” she pushed, “that you don’t care as much as you did before?”
“I care about your success, of course.” Fred fell into a slower pace. Thea felt at once that he was talking seriously and had dropped the tone of half-ironical exaggeration he had used with her of late years. “And I’m grateful to you for what you demand from yourself, when you might get off so easily. You demand more and more all the time, and you’ll do more and more. One is grateful to anybody for that; it makes life in general a little less sordid. But as a matter of fact, I’m not much interested in how anybody sings anything.”
“I care about your success, of course.” Fred slowed down his pace. Thea immediately sensed that he was speaking seriously and had dropped the half-ironic tone he had used with her in recent years. “And I appreciate what you expect from yourself, especially since you could take the easy way out. You keep pushing yourself more and more, and you’ll accomplish even more. You have to be thankful to anyone for that; it makes life a bit less grim overall. But honestly, I’m not really that interested in how anyone sings anything.”
“That’s too bad of you, when I’m just beginning to see what is worth doing, and how I want to do it!” Thea spoke in an injured tone.
“That’s really disappointing, especially since I’m just starting to understand what’s worth doing and how I want to go about it!” Thea said, sounding hurt.
“That’s what I congratulate you on. That’s the great difference between your kind and the rest of us. It’s how long you’re able to keep it up that tells the story. When you needed enthusiasm from the outside, I was able to give it to you. Now you must let me withdraw.”
"That's what I want to congratulate you on. That's the big difference between your type and the rest of us. The real story is how long you can maintain it. When you needed motivation from others, I was there to provide it. Now you have to let me step back."
“I’m not tying you, am I?” she flashed out. “But withdraw to what? What do you want?”
“I’m not tying you down, am I?” she shot back. “But retreat to what? What do you want?”
Fred shrugged. “I might ask you, What have I got? I want things that wouldn’t interest you; that you probably wouldn’t understand. For one thing, I want a son to bring up.”
Fred shrugged. “I could ask you, What do I have? I want things that wouldn’t interest you; things you probably wouldn’t get. For one, I want a son to raise.”
“I can understand that. It seems to me reasonable. Have you also found somebody you want to marry?”
“I get that. It makes sense to me. Have you also found someone you want to marry?”
“Not particularly.” They turned another curve, which brought the wind to their backs, and they walked on in comparative calm, with the snow blowing past them. “It’s not your fault, Thea, but I’ve had you too much in my mind. I’ve not given myself a fair chance in other directions. I was in Rome when you and Nordquist were there. If that had kept up, it might have cured me.”
“Not really.” They turned another curve, feeling the wind at their backs, and continued walking in relative calm, with the snow blowing past them. “It’s not your fault, Thea, but I’ve been thinking about you too much. I haven’t allowed myself a fair chance to explore other options. I was in Rome when you and Nordquist were there. If that had continued, it might have helped me move on.”
“It might have cured a good many things,” remarked Thea grimly.
“It could have fixed a lot of things,” Thea said with a serious expression.
Fred nodded sympathetically and went on. “In my library in St. Louis, over the fireplace, I have a property spear I had copied from one in Venice,—oh, years ago, after you first went abroad, while you were studying. You’ll probably be singing Brünnhilde pretty soon now, and I’ll send it on to you, if I may. You can take it and its history for what they’re worth. But I’m nearly forty years old, and I’ve served my turn. You’ve done what I hoped for you, what I was honestly willing to lose you for—then. I’m older now, and I think I was an ass. I wouldn’t do it again if I had the chance, not much! But I’m not sorry. It takes a great many people to make one—Brünnhilde.”
Fred nodded understandingly and continued. “In my library in St. Louis, above the fireplace, I have a property spear I had copied from one in Venice—oh, years ago, after you first went abroad, while you were studying. You’ll probably be singing Brünnhilde pretty soon now, and I’d like to send it to you, if that’s okay. You can take it and its history for what they’re worth. But I’m nearly forty, and I’ve had my time. You’ve achieved what I hoped for you, what I was genuinely willing to let you go for—back then. I’m older now, and I think I was a fool. I wouldn’t do it again if I had the chance, not really! But I have no regrets. It takes a lot of people to make one—Brünnhilde.”
Thea stopped by the fence and looked over into the black choppiness on which the snowflakes fell and disappeared with magical rapidity. Her face was both angry and troubled. “So you really feel I’ve been ungrateful. I thought you sent me out to get something. I didn’t know you wanted me to bring in something easy. I thought you wanted something—” She took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders. “But there! nobody on God’s earth wants it, really! If one other person wanted it,”—she thrust her hand out before him and clenched it,—“my God, what I could do!”
Thea paused by the fence and gazed into the dark, choppy water where snowflakes fell and vanished almost magically. Her expression was a mix of anger and concern. “So you really think I’ve been ungrateful. I thought you sent me out to get something. I didn’t realize you wanted me to bring back something easy. I thought you wanted something—” She took a deep breath and shrugged. “But honestly, nobody on earth wants it, really! If even one more person wanted it,”—she extended her hand toward him and clenched it—“my God, what I could do!”
Fred laughed dismally. “Even in my ashes I feel myself pushing you! How can anybody help it? My dear girl, can’t you see that anybody else who wanted it as you do would be your rival, your deadliest danger? Can’t you see that it’s your great good fortune that other people can’t care about it so much?”
Fred laughed sadly. “Even in my ashes, I feel like I'm pushing you! How can anyone avoid it? My dear girl, can’t you see that anyone else who wanted it as much as you do would be your rival, your biggest threat? Can’t you see that it’s your lucky break that other people don’t care about it as much?”
But Thea seemed not to take in his protest at all. She went on vindicating herself. “It’s taken me a long while to do anything, of course, and I’ve only begun to see daylight. But anything good is—expensive. It hasn’t seemed long. I’ve always felt responsible to you.”
But Thea didn’t seem to hear his protest at all. She continued to defend herself. “It’s taken me a long time to do anything, of course, and I’ve only just started to see progress. But anything worthwhile is—expensive. It hasn’t felt long. I’ve always felt responsible to you.”
Fred looked at her face intently, through the veil of snowflakes, and shook his head. “To me? You are a truthful woman, and you don’t mean to lie to me. But after the one responsibility you do feel, I doubt if you’ve enough left to feel responsible to God! Still, if you’ve ever in an idle hour fooled yourself with thinking I had anything to do with it, Heaven knows I’m grateful.”
Fred looked at her face closely, through the curtain of snowflakes, and shook his head. “To me? You’re an honest woman, and I know you don’t intend to deceive me. But after the one responsibility you do have, I doubt if you’ve got enough left to feel accountable to God! Still, if you’ve ever in a moment of daydreaming convinced yourself that I had anything to do with it, God knows I appreciate it.”
“Even if I’d married Nordquist,” Thea went on, turning down the path again, “there would have been something left out. There always is. In a way, I’ve always been married to you. I’m not very flexible; never was and never shall be. You caught me young. I could never have that over again. One can’t, after one begins to know anything. But I look back on it. My life hasn’t been a gay one, any more than yours. If I shut things out from you, you shut them out from me. We’ve been a help and a hindrance to each other. I guess it’s always that way, the good and the bad all mixed up. There’s only one thing that’s all beautiful—and always beautiful! That’s why my interest keeps up.”
“Even if I had married Nordquist,” Thea continued, walking down the path again, “there would still have been something missing. There always is. In a way, I’ve always been married to you. I’m not very adaptable; I never was and never will be. You caught me when I was young. I could never experience that again. Once you start to understand anything, you can’t go back. But I reflect on it. My life hasn’t been cheerful, just like yours hasn’t. If I block things out from you, you block them out from me. We’ve both helped and hindered each other. I suppose it’s always like that, the good and the bad all intertwined. There’s only one thing that’s completely beautiful—and always beautiful! That’s why I stay interested.”
“Yes, I know.” Fred looked sidewise at the outline of her head against the thickening atmosphere. “And you give one the impression that that is enough. I’ve gradually, gradually given you up.”
“Yes, I know.” Fred glanced sideways at the shape of her head against the darkening sky. “And you make it seem like that’s all it takes. I’ve slowly, slowly let you go.”
“See, the lights are coming out.” Thea pointed to where they flickered, flashes of violet through the gray tree-tops. Lower down the globes along the drives were becoming a pale lemon color. “Yes, I don’t see why anybody wants to marry an artist, anyhow. I remember Ray Kennedy used to say he didn’t see how any woman could marry a gambler, for she would only be marrying what the game left.” She shook her shoulders impatiently. “Who marries who is a small matter, after all. But I hope I can bring back your interest in my work. You’ve cared longer and more than anybody else, and I’d like to have somebody human to make a report to once in a while. You can send me your spear. I’ll do my best. If you’re not interested, I’ll do my best anyhow. I’ve only a few friends, but I can lose every one of them, if it has to be. I learned how to lose when my mother died.—We must hurry now. My taxi must be waiting.”
“Look, the lights are coming on.” Thea pointed to where they flickered, flashes of violet through the gray treetops. Lower down, the globes along the drives were turning a pale lemon color. “Yeah, I don’t get why anyone would want to marry an artist anyway. I remember Ray Kennedy used to say he didn’t see how any woman could marry a gambler, since she’d just be marrying whatever the game left behind.” She shrugged impatiently. “Who marries who is a minor issue, after all. But I hope I can rekindle your interest in my work. You’ve cared longer and more than anyone else, and I’d like someone human to share this with now and then. You can send me your feedback. I’ll do my best. If you’re not interested, I’ll still give it my all. I have only a few friends, but I can lose every one of them if it comes to that. I learned how to lose when my mother died.—We need to hurry now. My taxi must be waiting.”
The blue light about them was growing deeper and darker, and the falling snow and the faint trees had become violet. To the south, over Broadway, there was an orange reflection in the clouds. Motors and carriage lights flashed by on the drive below the reservoir path, and the air was strident with horns and shrieks from the whistles of the mounted policemen.
The blue light around them was becoming deeper and darker, and the falling snow and faint trees had turned violet. To the south, over Broadway, there was an orange glow in the clouds. Car lights and vehicle headlights flashed by on the road beneath the reservoir path, and the air was loud with honking horns and the shrill whistles of the mounted police officers.
Fred gave Thea his arm as they descended from the embankment. “I guess you’ll never manage to lose me or Archie, Thea. You do pick up queer ones. But loving you is a heroic discipline. It wears a man out. Tell me one thing: could I have kept you, once, if I’d put on every screw?”
Fred offered Thea his arm as they walked down from the embankment. “I guess you'll never be able to shake me or Archie, Thea. You really attract some odd ones. But loving you is a heroic challenge. It wears a guy down. Just tell me one thing: could I have held onto you, even once, if I’d tried my hardest?”
Thea hurried him along, talking rapidly, as if to get it over. “You might have kept me in misery for a while, perhaps. I don’t know. I have to think well of myself, to work. You could have made it hard. I’m not ungrateful. I was a difficult proposition to deal with. I understand now, of course. Since you didn’t tell me the truth in the beginning, you couldn’t very well turn back after I’d set my head. At least, if you’d been the sort who could, you wouldn’t have had to,—for I’d not have cared a button for that sort, even then.” She stopped beside a car that waited at the curb and gave him her hand. “There. We part friends?”
Thea rushed him along, speaking quickly, as if trying to get it over with. “You might have kept me miserable for a bit, maybe. I don’t know. I have to feel good about myself to be productive. You could have made it difficult. I’m not ungrateful. I was a tough situation to deal with. I get it now, of course. Since you didn’t tell me the truth from the start, you couldn’t exactly backtrack after I’d made up my mind. At least, if you were the type who could, you wouldn’t have needed to—because I wouldn’t have cared at all about that type, even then.” She stopped next to a car waiting at the curb and offered him her hand. “There. Are we parting as friends?”
Fred looked at her. “You know. Ten years.”
Fred looked at her. “You know, it's been ten years.”
“I’m not ungrateful,” Thea repeated as she got into her cab.
“I’m not ungrateful,” Thea said again as she got into her cab.
“Yes,” she reflected, as the taxi cut into the Park carriage road, “we don’t get fairy tales in this world, and he has, after all, cared more and longer than anybody else.” It was dark outside now, and the light from the lamps along the drive flashed into the cab. The snowflakes hovered like swarms of white bees about the globes.
“Yes,” she thought, as the taxi turned onto the Park road, “we don’t get fairy tales in this world, and he has, after all, cared more and longer than anyone else.” It was dark outside now, and the light from the lamps along the drive flashed into the cab. The snowflakes floated like swarms of white bees around the globes.
Thea sat motionless in one corner staring out of the window at the cab lights that wove in and out among the trees, all seeming to be bent upon joyous courses. Taxicabs were still new in New York, and the theme of popular minstrelsy. Landry had sung her a ditty he heard in some theater on Third Avenue, about:
Thea sat still in one corner, looking out the window at the cab lights weaving in and out among the trees, all seeming to be on joyful paths. Taxicabs were still a new thing in New York and a popular topic for entertainers. Landry had sung her a song he heard in some theater on Third Avenue, about:
“But there passed him a bright-eyed taxi
With the girl of his heart inside.”
“But a bright-eyed taxi passed by him
With the girl he loved inside.”
Almost inaudibly Thea began to hum the air, though she was thinking of something serious, something that had touched her deeply. At the beginning of the season, when she was not singing often, she had gone one afternoon to hear Paderewski’s recital. In front of her sat an old German couple, evidently poor people who had made sacrifices to pay for their excellent seats. Their intelligent enjoyment of the music, and their friendliness with each other, had interested her more than anything on the programme. When the pianist began a lovely melody in the first movement of the Beethoven D minor sonata, the old lady put out her plump hand and touched her husband’s sleeve and they looked at each other in recognition. They both wore glasses, but such a look! Like forget-menots, and so full of happy recollections. Thea wanted to put her arms around them and ask them how they had been able to keep a feeling like that, like a nosegay in a glass of water.
Almost inaudibly, Thea started to hum the tune, even though she was thinking about something serious that had touched her deeply. At the beginning of the season, when she wasn’t singing much, she had gone one afternoon to see Paderewski’s recital. In front of her sat an elderly German couple, clearly poor people who had made sacrifices to afford their great seats. Their genuine enjoyment of the music and their warmth towards each other interested her more than anything on the program. When the pianist began a beautiful melody in the first movement of the Beethoven D minor sonata, the old lady reached out her plump hand and touched her husband’s sleeve, and they exchanged a meaningful glance. They both wore glasses, but what a look it was! Like forget-me-nots, so full of happy memories. Thea wanted to wrap her arms around them and ask how they had managed to hold onto a feeling like that, like a bouquet in a glass of water.
XI
Dr. Archie saw nothing of Thea during the following week. After several fruitless efforts, he succeeded in getting a word with her over the telephone, but she sounded so distracted and driven that he was glad to say good-night and hang up the instrument. There were, she told him, rehearsals not only for “Walküre,” but also for “Götterdämmerung,” in which she was to sing Waltraute two weeks later.
Dr. Archie didn't see Thea at all during the next week. After several unsuccessful attempts, he finally managed to get a hold of her on the phone, but she sounded so preoccupied and intense that he was relieved to say good-night and hang up. She told him there were rehearsals for both “Walküre” and “Götterdämmerung,” in which she was set to sing Waltraute two weeks later.
On Thursday afternoon Thea got home late, after an exhausting rehearsal. She was in no happy frame of mind. Madame Necker, who had been very gracious to her that night when she went on to complete Gloeckler’s performance of Sieglinde, had, since Thea was cast to sing the part instead of Gloeckler in the production of the “Ring,” been chilly and disapproving, distinctly hostile. Thea had always felt that she and Necker stood for the same sort of endeavor, and that Necker recognized it and had a cordial feeling for her. In Germany she had several times sung Brangaena to Necker’s Isolde, and the older artist had let her know that she thought she sang it beautifully. It was a bitter disappointment to find that the approval of so honest an artist as Necker could not stand the test of any significant recognition by the management. Madame Necker was forty, and her voice was failing just when her powers were at their height. Every fresh young voice was an enemy, and this one was accompanied by gifts which she could not fail to recognize.
On Thursday afternoon, Thea got home late after a tiring rehearsal. She was in a pretty bad mood. Madame Necker, who had been very kind to her that night when Thea stepped in to finish Gloeckler’s performance of Sieglinde, had become cold and disapproving ever since Thea was chosen to sing the part instead of Gloeckler in the “Ring” production. Thea had always felt that she and Necker were on the same page and that Necker appreciated her talent. In Germany, she had sung Brangaena alongside Necker’s Isolde, and the older artist had let her know she thought she sang it beautifully. It was a harsh disappointment to realize that the approval of such an honest artist as Necker couldn’t hold up under significant recognition from the management. Madame Necker was forty, and her voice was declining just when her skills were peaking. Every fresh young voice felt like a rival, and this one came with talents that she couldn’t ignore.
Thea had her dinner sent up to her apartment, and it was a very poor one. She tasted the soup and then indignantly put on her wraps to go out and hunt a dinner. As she was going to the elevator, she had to admit that she was behaving foolishly. She took off her hat and coat and ordered another dinner. When it arrived, it was no better than the first. There was even a burnt match under the milk toast. She had a sore throat, which made swallowing painful and boded ill for the morrow. Although she had been speaking in whispers all day to save her throat, she now perversely summoned the housekeeper and demanded an account of some laundry that had been lost. The housekeeper was indifferent and impertinent, and Thea got angry and scolded violently. She knew it was very bad for her to get into a rage just before bedtime, and after the housekeeper left she realized that for ten dollars’ worth of underclothing she had been unfitting herself for a performance which might eventually mean many thousands. The best thing now was to stop reproaching herself for her lack of sense, but she was too tired to control her thoughts.
Thea had her dinner delivered to her apartment, and it was really disappointing. She tried the soup and then, feeling frustrated, put on her coat to go out and find something to eat. As she headed to the elevator, she couldn’t help but admit she was being ridiculous. She took off her hat and coat and ordered another meal. When it came, it was just as bad as the first. There was even a burnt match under the milk toast. She had a sore throat, which made swallowing painful and didn’t bode well for the next day. Even though she had been speaking softly all day to save her throat, she now stubbornly called the housekeeper and asked about some laundry that had gone missing. The housekeeper was indifferent and rude, and Thea got upset and yelled at her. She knew it was really not good to get angry right before bed, and after the housekeeper left, she realized that for ten dollars’ worth of underwear, she had jeopardized a performance that could lead to earning thousands. The best thing now was to stop blaming herself for her poor judgment, but she was too exhausted to calm her thoughts.
While she was undressing—Therese was brushing out her Sieglinde wig in the trunk-room—she went on chiding herself bitterly. “And how am I ever going to get to sleep in this state?” she kept asking herself. “If I don’t sleep, I’ll be perfectly worthless to-morrow. I’ll go down there to-morrow and make a fool of myself. If I’d let that laundry alone with whatever nigger has stolen it—why did I undertake to reform the management of this hotel to-night? After to-morrow I could pack up and leave the place. There’s the Phillamon—I liked the rooms there better, anyhow—and the Umberto—” She began going over the advantages and disadvantages of different apartment hotels. Suddenly she checked herself. “What am I doing this for? I can’t move into another hotel to-night. I’ll keep this up till morning. I shan’t sleep a wink.”
While she was getting undressed—Therese was brushing out her Sieglinde wig in the trunk room—she kept scolding herself harshly. “How am I ever going to get to sleep like this?” she kept asking herself. “If I don’t sleep, I’ll be completely useless tomorrow. I’ll go down there tomorrow and embarrass myself. If I had just left that laundry alone with whoever stole it—why did I decide to take on fixing the management of this hotel tonight? After tomorrow, I could pack up and leave this place. There’s the Phillamon—I preferred the rooms there anyway—and the Umberto—” She started weighing the pros and cons of different apartment hotels. Suddenly, she stopped herself. “What am I doing this for? I can’t move into another hotel tonight. I’ll keep this up until morning. I won’t sleep a wink.”
Should she take a hot bath, or shouldn’t she? Sometimes it relaxed her, and sometimes it roused her and fairly put her beside herself. Between the conviction that she must sleep and the fear that she couldn’t, she hung paralyzed. When she looked at her bed, she shrank from it in every nerve. She was much more afraid of it than she had ever been of the stage of any opera house. It yawned before her like the sunken road at Waterloo.
Should she take a hot bath, or shouldn’t she? Sometimes it relaxed her, and other times it energized her and drove her a bit crazy. Caught between the need to sleep and the fear that she wouldn’t be able to, she felt stuck. When she glanced at her bed, she recoiled from it every fiber of her being. She was far more terrified of it than she had ever been of the stage in any opera house. It loomed before her like the sunken road at Waterloo.
She rushed into her bathroom and locked the door. She would risk the bath, and defer the encounter with the bed a little longer. She lay in the bath half an hour. The warmth of the water penetrated to her bones, induced pleasant reflections and a feeling of well-being. It was very nice to have Dr. Archie in New York, after all, and to see him get so much satisfaction out of the little companionship she was able to give him. She liked people who got on, and who became more interesting as they grew older. There was Fred; he was much more interesting now than he had been at thirty. He was intelligent about music, and he must be very intelligent in his business, or he would not be at the head of the Brewers’ Trust. She respected that kind of intelligence and success. Any success was good. She herself had made a good start, at any rate, and now, if she could get to sleep—Yes, they were all more interesting than they used to be. Look at Harsanyi, who had been so long retarded; what a place he had made for himself in Vienna. If she could get to sleep, she would show him something to-morrow that he would understand.
She rushed into her bathroom and locked the door. She would risk the bath and put off dealing with the bed for a little while longer. She lay in the bath for half an hour. The warmth of the water seeped into her bones, bringing on pleasant thoughts and a sense of well-being. It was really nice to have Dr. Archie in New York after all, and to see him enjoy the little companionship she could offer. She liked people who thrived and became more interesting as they aged. There was Fred; he was so much more interesting now than he had been at thirty. He was smart about music, and he must be very smart in his business, or he wouldn’t be leading the Brewers’ Trust. She respected that kind of intelligence and success. Any success was good. She had made a good start herself, at least, and now, if she could just get to sleep—Yes, they were all more interesting than they used to be. Look at Harsanyi, who had been held back for so long; what a position he had carved out for himself in Vienna. If she could get to sleep, she would show him something tomorrow that he would understand.
She got quickly into bed and moved about freely between the sheets. Yes, she was warm all over. A cold, dry breeze was coming in from the river, thank goodness! She tried to think about her little rock house and the Arizona sun and the blue sky. But that led to memories which were still too disturbing. She turned on her side, closed her eyes, and tried an old device.
She quickly got into bed and moved around comfortably between the sheets. Yes, she felt warm all over. A cold, dry breeze was coming in from the river, thank goodness! She tried to think about her little rock house, the Arizona sun, and the blue sky. But that brought up memories that were still too unsettling. She turned onto her side, closed her eyes, and tried an old trick.
She entered her father’s front door, hung her hat and coat on the rack, and stopped in the parlor to warm her hands at the stove. Then she went out through the diningroom, where the boys were getting their lessons at the long table; through the sitting-room, where Thor was asleep in his cot bed, his dress and stocking hanging on a chair. In the kitchen she stopped for her lantern and her hot brick. She hurried up the back stairs and through the windy loft to her own glacial room. The illusion was marred only by the consciousness that she ought to brush her teeth before she went to bed, and that she never used to do it. Why—? The water was frozen solid in the pitcher, so she got over that. Once between the red blankets there was a short, fierce battle with the cold; then, warmer—warmer. She could hear her father shaking down the hard-coal burner for the night, and the wind rushing and banging down the village street. The boughs of the cottonwood, hard as bone, rattled against her gable. The bed grew softer and warmer. Everybody was warm and well downstairs. The sprawling old house had gathered them all in, like a hen, and had settled down over its brood. They were all warm in her father’s house. Softer and softer. She was asleep. She slept ten hours without turning over. From sleep like that, one awakes in shining armor.
She walked in through her dad's front door, hung her hat and coat on the rack, and paused in the parlor to warm her hands at the stove. Then she went through the dining room, where the boys were doing their schoolwork at the long table; through the sitting room, where Thor was asleep in his crib, his clothes and socks draped over a chair. In the kitchen, she grabbed her lantern and her hot brick. She quickly went up the back stairs and through the windy loft to her icy room. The moment was spoiled only by the thought that she should brush her teeth before going to bed, which she never used to do. Why—? The water was frozen solid in the pitcher, so she let that go. Once she was tucked between the red blankets, there was a brief, fierce struggle with the cold; then, warmer—warmer. She could hear her dad shaking down the hard-coal burner for the night, and the wind howling and banging down the village street. The branches of the cottonwood, as hard as bone, clattered against her gable. The bed felt softer and warmer. Everyone was cozy and content downstairs. The sprawling old house had gathered them all in, like a hen, and had settled over its chicks. They were all warm in her dad's house. Softer and softer. She fell asleep. She slept ten hours without turning. After sleep like that, you wake up feeling like a champion.
On Friday afternoon there was an inspiring audience; there was not an empty chair in the house. Ottenburg and Dr. Archie had seats in the orchestra circle, got from a ticket broker. Landry had not been able to get a seat, so he roamed about in the back of the house, where he usually stood when he dropped in after his own turn in vaudeville was over. He was there so often and at such irregular hours that the ushers thought he was a singer’s husband, or had something to do with the electrical plant.
On Friday afternoon, the audience was packed; there wasn't an empty seat in the house. Ottenburg and Dr. Archie had seats in the orchestra circle, which they had bought from a ticket broker. Landry couldn't get a seat, so he wandered around at the back of the house, where he usually hung out after his own vaudeville performance. He was there so frequently and at such odd times that the ushers assumed he was the singer's husband or had something to do with the electrical plant.
Harsanyi and his wife were in a box, near the stage, in the second circle. Mrs. Harsanyi’s hair was noticeably gray, but her face was fuller and handsomer than in those early years of struggle, and she was beautifully dressed. Harsanyi himself had changed very little. He had put on his best afternoon coat in honor of his pupil, and wore a pearl in his black ascot. His hair was longer and more bushy than he used to wear it, and there was now one gray lock on the right side. He had always been an elegant figure, even when he went about in shabby clothes and was crushed with work. Before the curtain rose he was restless and nervous, and kept looking at his watch and wishing he had got a few more letters off before he left his hotel. He had not been in New York since the advent of the taxicab, and had allowed himself too much time. His wife knew that he was afraid of being disappointed this afternoon. He did not often go to the opera because the stupid things that singers did vexed him so, and it always put him in a rage if the conductor held the tempo or in any way accommodated the score to the singer.
Harsanyi and his wife were in a box near the stage, on the second level. Mrs. Harsanyi's hair was noticeably gray, but her face was fuller and more attractive than during those early years of struggle, and she was beautifully dressed. Harsanyi himself had changed very little. He wore his best afternoon coat in honor of his pupil and sported a pearl in his black ascot. His hair was longer and more unruly than before, and there was now a gray lock on the right side. He had always been an elegant figure, even when he wore shabby clothes and was overwhelmed with work. Before the curtain went up, he was restless and anxious, frequently checking his watch and wishing he had sent off a few more letters before leaving his hotel. He hadn't been in New York since the taxicab emerged and had given himself too much time. His wife knew he was worried about being disappointed this afternoon. He didn't often go to the opera because the silly things that singers did annoyed him so much, and it always made him furious if the conductor slowed the tempo or made any adjustments to accommodate the singer.
When the lights went out and the violins began to quaver their long D against the rude figure of the basses, Mrs. Harsanyi saw her husband’s fingers fluttering on his knee in a rapid tattoo. At the moment when Sieglinde entered from the side door, she leaned toward him and whispered in his ear, “Oh, the lovely creature!” But he made no response, either by voice or gesture. Throughout the first scene he sat sunk in his chair, his head forward and his one yellow eye rolling restlessly and shining like a tiger’s in the dark. His eye followed Sieglinde about the stage like a satellite, and as she sat at the table listening to Siegmund’s long narrative, it never left her. When she prepared the sleeping draught and disappeared after Hunding, Harsanyi bowed his head still lower and put his hand over his eye to rest it. The tenor,—a young man who sang with great vigor, went on:—
When the lights went out and the violins started to waver their long D against the loud basses, Mrs. Harsanyi noticed her husband’s fingers tapping rapidly on his knee. Just as Sieglinde entered from the side door, she leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Oh, the lovely creature!” But he didn’t respond at all, either verbally or with any gesture. Throughout the first scene, he slouched in his chair, his head bent forward and his one yellow eye moving restlessly and shining like a tiger’s in the dark. His eye tracked Sieglinde around the stage like a satellite, and as she sat at the table listening to Siegmund’s lengthy story, it never left her. When she mixed the sleeping potion and vanished after Hunding, Harsanyi lowered his head even further and covered his eye with his hand to give it a rest. The tenor—a young man who sang with great energy—continued:—
“Wälse! Wälse!
Wo ist dein Schwert?”
“Wälse! Wälse!
Where is your sword?”
Harsanyi smiled, but he did not look forth again until Sieglinde reappeared. She went through the story of her shameful bridal feast and into the Walhall’ music, which she always sang so nobly, and the entrance of the one-eyed stranger:—
Harsanyi smiled, but he didn’t look up again until Sieglinde came back. She recounted the tale of her embarrassing wedding feast and the music of Walhall, which she always sang so beautifully, along with the arrival of the one-eyed stranger:—
“Mir allein
Weckte das Auge.”
“Only I
Woke the eye.”
Mrs. Harsanyi glanced at her husband, wondering whether the singer on the stage could not feel his commanding glance. On came the crescendo:—
Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her husband, questioning if the singer on stage could sense his powerful gaze. Here came the crescendo:—
“Was je ich verlor,
Was je ich beweint
War’ mir gewonnen.”
“Was ich verloren habe,
Was ich beweint habe,
War mir gewonnen.”
(All that I have lost,
All that I have mourned,
Would I then have won.)
(All that I have lost,
All that I have mourned,
Would I then have won.)
Harsanyi touched his wife’s arm softly.
Harsanyi gently touched his wife's arm.
Seated in the moonlight, the Volsung pair began their loving inspection of each other’s beauties, and the music born of murmuring sound passed into her face, as the old poet said,—and into her body as well. Into one lovely attitude after another the music swept her, love impelled her. And the voice gave out all that was best in it. Like the spring, indeed, it blossomed into memories and prophecies, it recounted and it foretold, as she sang the story of her friendless life, and of how the thing which was truly herself, “bright as the day, rose to the surface” when in the hostile world she for the first time beheld her Friend. Fervently she rose into the hardier feeling of action and daring, the pride in hero-strength and hero-blood, until in a splendid burst, tall and shining like a Victory, she christened him:—
Seated in the moonlight, the Volsung couple began to lovingly admire each other’s beauty, and the music that flowed from their soft voices lit up her face, as the old poet said,—and filled her entire body as well. The music moved her from one beautiful pose to another, driven by love. And their voices revealed all that was best in them. Just like spring, it flourished into memories and hopes, recounting and predicting, as she sang the story of her lonely life, and how her true self, “bright as the day, emerged” when she first saw her Friend in a harsh world. Passionately, she embraced a bolder drive for action and courage, proud of her strength and noble heritage, until, in a vibrant moment, tall and radiant like a Victory, she named him:—
“Siegmund—
So nenn ich dich!”
“Siegmund—
So I call you!”
Her impatience for the sword swelled with her anticipation of his act, and throwing her arms above her head, she fairly tore a sword out of the empty air for him, before Nothung had left the tree. In höchster Trunkenheit, indeed, she burst out with the flaming cry of their kinship: “If you are Siegmund, I am Sieglinde!” Laughing, singing, bounding, exulting,—with their passion and their sword,—the Volsungs ran out into the spring night.
Her impatience for the sword grew along with her excitement about his action, and throwing her arms above her head, she almost snatched a sword from thin air for him, before Nothung had left the tree. In höchster Trunkenheit, she exclaimed with the fiery shout of their bond: “If you are Siegmund, I am Sieglinde!” Laughing, singing, jumping, celebrating—with their passion and their sword—the Volsungs ran out into the spring night.
As the curtain fell, Harsanyi turned to his wife. “At last,” he sighed, “somebody with Enough! Enough voice and talent and beauty, enough physical power. And such a noble, noble style!”
As the curtain came down, Harsanyi looked at his wife. “Finally,” he sighed, “someone with Enough! Enough voice and talent and beauty, enough physical strength. And such a noble, noble style!”
“I can scarcely believe it, Andor. I can see her now, that clumsy girl, hunched up over your piano. I can see her shoulders. She always seemed to labor so with her back. And I shall never forget that night when you found her voice.”
“I can hardly believe it, Andor. I can see her now, that awkward girl, huddled over your piano. I can see her shoulders. She always seemed to struggle so with her back. And I will never forget that night when you discovered her voice.”
The audience kept up its clamor until, after many reappearances with the tenor, Kronborg came before the curtain alone. The house met her with a roar, a greeting that was almost savage in its fierceness. The singer’s eyes, sweeping the house, rested for a moment on Harsanyi, and she waved her long sleeve toward his box.
The audience kept shouting until, after the tenor made several returns, Kronborg came out alone. The crowd greeted her with a thunderous applause that was almost wild in its intensity. As the singer scanned the crowd, her gaze briefly landed on Harsanyi, and she waved her long sleeve toward his box.
“She ought to be pleased that you are here,” said Mrs. Harsanyi. “I wonder if she knows how much she owes to you.”
“She should be pleased that you are here,” said Mrs. Harsanyi. “I wonder if she knows how much she owes you.”
“She owes me nothing,” replied her husband quickly. “She paid her way. She always gave something back, even then.”
“She owes me nothing,” her husband replied quickly. “She paid her own way. She always gave something back, even then.”
“I remember you said once that she would do nothing common,” said Mrs. Harsanyi thoughtfully.
“I remember you saying once that she wouldn’t do anything ordinary,” Mrs. Harsanyi said thoughtfully.
“Just so. She might fail, die, get lost in the pack. But if she achieved, it would be nothing common. There are people whom one can trust for that. There is one way in which they will never fail.” Harsanyi retired into his own reflections.
“Exactly. She could fail, die, or get lost in the crowd. But if she succeeded, it wouldn't be anything ordinary. There are people you can count on for that. There’s one way they’ll never let you down.” Harsanyi withdrew into his own thoughts.
After the second act Fred Ottenburg brought Archie to the Harsanyis’ box and introduced him as an old friend of Miss Kronborg. The head of a musical publishing house joined them, bringing with him a journalist and the president of a German singing society. The conversation was chiefly about the new Sieglinde. Mrs. Harsanyi was gracious and enthusiastic, her husband nervous and uncommunicative. He smiled mechanically, and politely answered questions addressed to him. “Yes, quite so.” “Oh, certainly.” Every one, of course, said very usual things with great conviction. Mrs. Harsanyi was used to hearing and uttering the commonplaces which such occasions demanded. When her husband withdrew into the shadow, she covered his retreat by her sympathy and cordiality. In reply to a direct question from Ottenburg, Harsanyi said, flinching, “Isolde? Yes, why not? She will sing all the great roles, I should think.”
After the second act, Fred Ottenburg took Archie to the Harsanyis’ box and introduced him as an old friend of Miss Kronborg. The head of a music publishing company joined them, bringing along a journalist and the president of a German singing society. The conversation mainly focused on the new Sieglinde. Mrs. Harsanyi was warm and enthusiastic, while her husband seemed nervous and quiet. He smiled stiffly and politely answered any questions directed at him. “Yes, of course.” “Oh, definitely.” Everyone talked about traditional topics with a lot of assurance. Mrs. Harsanyi was used to hearing and saying the usual remarks expected at such events. When her husband withdrew into the background, she covered for him with her warmth and friendliness. In response to a direct question from Ottenburg, Harsanyi flinched and said, “Isolde? Yes, why not? I imagine she'll sing all the major roles.”
The chorus director said something about “dramatic temperament.” The journalist insisted that it was “explosive force,” “projecting power.”
The chorus director mentioned something about “dramatic temperament.” The journalist argued that it was “explosive force,” “projecting power.”
Ottenburg turned to Harsanyi. “What is it, Mr. Harsanyi? Miss Kronborg says if there is anything in her, you are the man who can say what it is.”
Ottenburg faced Harsanyi. “What’s going on, Mr. Harsanyi? Miss Kronborg says if there’s anything in her, you’re the one who can tell what it is.”
The journalist scented copy and was eager. “Yes, Harsanyi. You know all about her. What’s her secret?”
The journalist caught wind of a story and was excited. “Yes, Harsanyi. You know everything about her. What’s her secret?”
Harsanyi rumpled his hair irritably and shrugged his shoulders. “Her secret? It is every artist’s secret,”—he waved his hand,—“passion. That is all. It is an open secret, and perfectly safe. Like heroism, it is inimitable in cheap materials.”
Harsanyi messed up his hair in annoyance and shrugged. “Her secret? It's every artist's secret,”—he gestured—“passion. That's all. It's an open secret and completely safe. Like heroism, it can't be replicated with cheap materials.”
The lights went out. Fred and Archie left the box as the second act came on.
The lights went out. Fred and Archie exited the box as the second act started.
Artistic growth is, more than it is anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness. The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is. That afternoon nothing new came to Thea Kronborg, no enlightenment, no inspiration. She merely came into full possession of things she had been refining and perfecting for so long. Her inhibitions chanced to be fewer than usual, and, within herself, she entered into the inheritance that she herself had laid up, into the fullness of the faith she had kept before she knew its name or its meaning.
Artistic growth is, more than anything else, about refining one's sense of truth. It’s easy for the uninformed to think that being truthful is simple; only the artist, the true artist, understands how challenging it is. That afternoon, nothing new came to Thea Kronborg—no insights, no bursts of inspiration. She simply tapped into what she had been refining and perfecting for so long. Her usual inhibitions were fewer, and within herself, she accessed the treasures she had accumulated, embracing the fullness of the belief she had held even before she knew its name or meaning.
Often when she sang, the best she had was unavailable; she could not break through to it, and every sort of distraction and mischance came between it and her. But this afternoon the closed roads opened, the gates dropped. What she had so often tried to reach, lay under her hand. She had only to touch an idea to make it live.
Often when she sang, the best she had was out of reach; she couldn't connect with it, and all kinds of distractions and bad luck got in the way. But this afternoon, the blocked paths cleared, the barriers came down. What she had so often struggled to grasp was right at her fingertips. She just had to touch an idea to bring it to life.
While she was on the stage she was conscious that every movement was the right movement, that her body was absolutely the instrument of her idea. Not for nothing had she kept it so severely, kept it filled with such energy and fire. All that deep-rooted vitality flowered in her voice, her face, in her very finger-tips. She felt like a tree bursting into bloom. And her voice was as flexible as her body; equal to any demand, capable of every nuance. With the sense of its perfect companionship, its entire trustworthiness, she had been able to throw herself into the dramatic exigencies of the part, everything in her at its best and everything working together.
While she was on stage, she was aware that every movement was exactly right, that her body was truly the instrument of her idea. She hadn’t worked so hard to keep it in shape for nothing; she had filled it with energy and passion. All that deep-rooted vitality blossomed in her voice, her face, and even her fingertips. She felt like a tree coming into bloom. Her voice was as adaptable as her body; able to meet any challenge, capable of every nuance. With the sense of its perfect partnership and complete reliability, she could dive into the dramatic demands of the role, with everything in her performing at its best and everything working in harmony.
The third act came on, and the afternoon slipped by. Thea Kronborg’s friends, old and new, seated about the house on different floors and levels, enjoyed her triumph according to their natures. There was one there, whom nobody knew, who perhaps got greater pleasure out of that afternoon than Harsanyi himself. Up in the top gallery a gray-haired little Mexican, withered and bright as a string of peppers beside a’dobe door, kept praying and cursing under his breath, beating on the brass railing and shouting “Bravó! Bravó!” until he was repressed by his neighbors.
The third act started, and the afternoon passed quickly. Thea Kronborg’s friends, both old and new, were spread throughout the house on various floors and levels, celebrating her success in their own ways. There was one person there, whom no one recognized, who might have enjoyed that afternoon even more than Harsanyi himself. In the top gallery, a gray-haired little Mexican, who was both frail and vibrant like a string of peppers next to an adobe door, kept silently praying and cursing, banging on the brass railing and shouting “Bravó! Bravó!” until his neighbors quieted him down.
He happened to be there because a Mexican band was to be a feature of Barnum and Bailey’s circus that year. One of the managers of the show had traveled about the Southwest, signing up a lot of Mexican musicians at low wages, and had brought them to New York. Among them was Spanish Johnny. After Mrs. Tellamantez died, Johnny abandoned his trade and went out with his mandolin to pick up a living for one. His irregularities had become his regular mode of life.
He was there because a Mexican band was featured in Barnum and Bailey's circus that year. One of the show’s managers had traveled through the Southwest, bringing in a lot of Mexican musicians at low pay, and brought them to New York. Among them was Spanish Johnny. After Mrs. Tellamantez passed away, Johnny gave up his trade and took his mandolin out to make a living for himself. His irregular habits had turned into his regular way of life.
When Thea Kronborg came out of the stage entrance on Fortieth Street, the sky was still flaming with the last rays of the sun that was sinking off behind the North River. A little crowd of people was lingering about the door—musicians from the orchestra who were waiting for their comrades, curious young men, and some poorly dressed girls who were hoping to get a glimpse of the singer. She bowed graciously to the group, through her veil, but she did not look to the right or left as she crossed the sidewalk to her cab. Had she lifted her eyes an instant and glanced out through her white scarf, she must have seen the only man in the crowd who had removed his hat when she emerged, and who stood with it crushed up in his hand. And she would have known him, changed as he was. His lustrous black hair was full of gray, and his face was a good deal worn by the extasi, so that it seemed to have shrunk away from his shining eyes and teeth and left them too prominent. But she would have known him. She passed so near that he could have touched her, and he did not put on his hat until her taxi had snorted away. Then he walked down Broadway with his hands in his overcoat pockets, wearing a smile which embraced all the stream of life that passed him and the lighted towers that rose into the limpid blue of the evening sky. If the singer, going home exhausted in her cab, was wondering what was the good of it all, that smile, could she have seen it, would have answered her. It is the only commensurate answer.
When Thea Kronborg stepped out of the stage entrance on Fortieth Street, the sky was still ablaze with the last rays of the sun fading behind the North River. A small crowd lingered by the door—musicians from the orchestra waiting for their friends, curious young men, and a few poorly dressed girls hoping to catch a glimpse of the singer. She graciously bowed to the group through her veil but didn’t look to the right or left as she crossed the sidewalk to her cab. If she had raised her eyes for a moment and peeked through her white scarf, she would have seen the only man in the crowd who had taken off his hat when she appeared, holding it crumpled in his hand. And she would have recognized him, despite his changed appearance. His once-lustrous black hair was now streaked with gray, and his face, worn by the years, seemed to have shrunk away from his bright eyes and teeth, making them stand out more. But she would have known him. She passed so close that he could have reached out to her, and he didn’t put his hat back on until her taxi had driven away. Then he strolled down Broadway with his hands in his overcoat pockets, wearing a smile that embraced the flow of life around him and the illuminated towers rising against the clear blue evening sky. If the exhausted singer in her cab was wondering what it all meant, that smile, had she seen it, would have provided the only fitting answer.
Here we must leave Thea Kronborg. From this time on the story of her life is the story of her achievement. The growth of an artist is an intellectual and spiritual development which can scarcely be followed in a personal narrative. This story attempts to deal only with the simple and concrete beginnings which color and accent an artist’s work, and to give some account of how a Moonstone girl found her way out of a vague, easy-going world into a life of disciplined endeavor. Any account of the loyalty of young hearts to some exalted ideal, and the passion with which they strive, will always, in some of us, rekindle generous emotions.
Here we must leave Thea Kronborg. From this point forward, the story of her life is the story of her accomplishments. The development of an artist is an intellectual and spiritual journey that is hard to trace in a personal narrative. This story aims to focus only on the straightforward and concrete beginnings that shape and enhance an artist’s work, and to share how a Moonstone girl found her way out of a vague, easy-going existence into a life of disciplined effort. Any account of the loyalty of young hearts to some high ideal, and the passion with which they pursue it, will always stir generous emotions in some of us.
EPILOGUE
Moonstone again, in the year 1909. The Methodists are giving an ice-cream sociable in the grove about the new court-house. It is a warm summer night of full moon. The paper lanterns which hang among the trees are foolish toys, only dimming, in little lurid circles, the great softness of the lunar light that floods the blue heavens and the high plateau. To the east the sand hills shine white as of old, but the empire of the sand is gradually diminishing. The grass grows thicker over the dunes than it used to, and the streets of the town are harder and firmer than they were twenty-five years ago. The old inhabitants will tell you that sandstorms are infrequent now, that the wind blows less persistently in the spring and plays a milder tune. Cultivation has modified the soil and the climate, as it modifies human life.
Moonstone again, in 1909. The Methodists are hosting an ice cream social in the grove by the new courthouse. It’s a warm summer night, and the moon is full. The paper lanterns hanging among the trees look silly, only faintly lighting the vivid circles around them, while the soft glow of the moonlight fills the blue sky and the high plateau. To the east, the sand hills shine white as they always have, but the sandy area is gradually shrinking. The grass grows thicker over the dunes than it used to, and the streets of the town are tougher and more solid than they were twenty-five years ago. The old residents will tell you that sandstorms are less common now, that the wind doesn’t blow as strongly in the spring, and it plays a gentler tune. Farming has changed the soil and the climate, just as it changes human life.
The people seated about under the cottonwoods are much smarter than the Methodists we used to know. The interior of the new Methodist Church looks like a theater, with a sloping floor, and as the congregation proudly say, “opera chairs.” The matrons who attend to serving the refreshments to-night look younger for their years than did the women of Mrs. Kronborg’s time, and the children all look like city children. The little boys wear “Buster Browns” and the little girls Russian blouses. The country child, in made-overs and cut-downs, seems to have vanished from the face of the earth.
The people gathered under the cottonwoods are much smarter than the Methodists we used to know. The inside of the new Methodist Church looks like a theater, with a sloping floor, and as the congregation proudly says, “opera chairs.” The women serving refreshments tonight look younger than the women from Mrs. Kronborg’s time, and the children all look like city kids. The little boys wear “Buster Browns” and the little girls wear Russian blouses. The country child, in hand-me-downs and cut-offs, seems to have disappeared from the scene.
At one of the tables, with her Dutch-cut twin boys, sits a fair-haired, dimpled matron who was once Lily Fisher. Her husband is president of the new bank, and she “goes East for her summers,” a practice which causes envy and discontent among her neighbors. The twins are well-behaved children, biddable, meek, neat about their clothes, and always mindful of the proprieties they have learned at summer hotels. While they are eating their icecream and trying not to twist the spoon in their mouths, a little shriek of laughter breaks from an adjacent table. The twins look up. There sits a spry little old spinster whom they know well. She has a long chin, a long nose, and she is dressed like a young girl, with a pink sash and a lace garden hat with pink rosebuds. She is surrounded by a crowd of boys,—loose and lanky, short and thick,—who are joking with her roughly, but not unkindly.
At one of the tables, with her Dutch-cut twin boys, sits a fair-haired, dimpled matron who used to be Lily Fisher. Her husband is the president of the new bank, and she "heads East for her summers," a habit that makes her neighbors envious and discontented. The twins are well-behaved, obedient, tidy in their clothes, and always aware of the proper manners they've picked up at summer hotels. While they're eating their ice cream and trying not to twist the spoon in their mouths, a little shriek of laughter erupts from a nearby table. The twins look up. There sits a lively old spinster they know well. She has a long chin, a long nose, and she's dressed like a young girl, wearing a pink sash and a lace garden hat adorned with pink rosebuds. She's surrounded by a group of boys—loose and lanky, short and sturdy—who are teasing her playfully, but with kindness.
“Mamma,” one of the twins comes out in a shrill treble, “why is Tillie Kronborg always talking about a thousand dollars?”
“Mama,” one of the twins calls out in a high-pitched voice, “why is Tillie Kronborg always talking about a thousand dollars?”
The boys, hearing this question, break into a roar of laughter, the women titter behind their paper napkins, and even from Tillie there is a little shriek of appreciation. The observing child’s remark had made every one suddenly realize that Tillie never stopped talking about that particular sum of money. In the spring, when she went to buy early strawberries, and was told that they were thirty cents a box, she was sure to remind the grocer that though her name was Kronborg she didn’t get a thousand dollars a night. In the autumn, when she went to buy her coal for the winter, she expressed amazement at the price quoted her, and told the dealer he must have got her mixed up with her niece to think she could pay such a sum. When she was making her Christmas presents, she never failed to ask the women who came into her shop what you could make for anybody who got a thousand dollars a night. When the Denver papers announced that Thea Kronborg had married Frederick Ottenburg, the head of the Brewers’ Trust, Moonstone people expected that Tillie’s vain-gloriousness would take another form. But Tillie had hoped that Thea would marry a title, and she did not boast much about Ottenburg,—at least not until after her memorable trip to Kansas City to hear Thea sing.
The boys, hearing this question, burst into laughter, the women giggle behind their paper napkins, and even Tillie lets out a little shriek of delight. The child's comment made everyone suddenly realize that Tillie never stopped talking about that specific amount of money. In the spring, when she went to buy early strawberries and was told they cost thirty cents a box, she was sure to remind the grocer that even though her name was Kronborg, she didn’t make a thousand dollars a night. In the autumn, when she went to buy her winter coal, she expressed disbelief at the price quoted to her and told the dealer he must have mixed her up with her niece to think she could afford such a sum. When she was making her Christmas gifts, she always asked the women who came into her shop what you could make for someone who earned a thousand dollars a night. When the Denver papers announced that Thea Kronborg had married Frederick Ottenburg, the head of the Brewers’ Trust, people in Moonstone expected that Tillie’s vanity would take a new form. But Tillie had hoped that Thea would marry someone with a title, and she didn’t brag much about Ottenburg—at least not until after her memorable trip to Kansas City to hear Thea sing.
Tillie is the last Kronborg left in Moonstone. She lives alone in a little house with a green yard, and keeps a fancywork and millinery store. Her business methods are informal, and she would never come out even at the end of the year, if she did not receive a draft for a good round sum from her niece at Christmas time. The arrival of this draft always renews the discussion as to what Thea would do for her aunt if she really did the right thing. Most of the Moonstone people think Thea ought to take Tillie to New York and keep her as a companion. While they are feeling sorry for Tillie because she does not live at the Plaza, Tillie is trying not to hurt their feelings by showing too plainly how much she realizes the superiority of her position. She tries to be modest when she complains to the postmaster that her New York paper is more than three days late. It means enough, surely, on the face of it, that she is the only person in Moonstone who takes a New York paper or who has any reason for taking one. A foolish young girl, Tillie lived in the splendid sorrows of “Wanda” and “Strathmore”; a foolish old girl, she lives in her niece’s triumphs. As she often says, she just missed going on the stage herself.
Tillie is the last Kronborg living in Moonstone. She lives alone in a small house with a green yard and runs a fancywork and millinery shop. Her business practices are pretty laid-back, and she wouldn’t break even by the end of the year if she didn’t get a nice sum from her niece at Christmas. The arrival of this money always sparks conversations about what Thea would do for her aunt if she really acted properly. Most people in Moonstone believe Thea should take Tillie to New York and keep her as a companion. While they feel sorry for Tillie because she doesn’t live at the Plaza, Tillie is trying not to hurt their feelings by making it too obvious how much she appreciates her position. She tries to be humble when she tells the postmaster that her New York paper is more than three days late. It clearly means something that she’s the only person in Moonstone who takes a New York paper or has a reason to take one. As a naïve young girl, Tillie dreamed in the beautiful sorrows of “Wanda” and “Strathmore”; as a not-so-wise older woman, she lives vicariously through her niece’s successes. As she often says, she almost became a stage actress herself.
That night after the sociable, as Tillie tripped home with a crowd of noisy boys and girls, she was perhaps a shade troubled. The twin’s question rather lingered in her ears. Did she, perhaps, insist too much on that thousand dollars? Surely, people didn’t for a minute think it was the money she cared about? As for that, Tillie tossed her head, she didn’t care a rap. They must understand that this money was different.
That night after the gathering, as Tillie walked home with a bunch of noisy boys and girls, she felt a little uneasy. The twins' question kept echoing in her mind. Did she maybe push too hard about that thousand dollars? Surely, no one really thought it was the money that mattered to her? As for that, Tillie shook her head; she didn’t care at all. They had to realize that this money was different.
When the laughing little group that brought her home had gone weaving down the sidewalk through the leafy shadows and had disappeared, Tillie brought out a rocking chair and sat down on her porch. On glorious, soft summer nights like this, when the moon is opulent and full, the day submerged and forgotten, she loves to sit there behind her rose-vine and let her fancy wander where it will. If you chanced to be passing down that Moonstone street and saw that alert white figure rocking there behind the screen of roses and lingering late into the night, you might feel sorry for her, and how mistaken you would be! Tillie lives in a little magic world, full of secret satisfactions. Thea Kronborg has given much noble pleasure to a world that needs all it can get, but to no individual has she given more than to her queer old aunt in Moonstone. The legend of Kronborg, the artist, fills Tillie’s life; she feels rich and exalted in it. What delightful things happen in her mind as she sits there rocking! She goes back to those early days of sand and sun, when Thea was a child and Tillie was herself, so it seems to her, “young.” When she used to hurry to church to hear Mr. Kronborg’s wonderful sermons, and when Thea used to stand up by the organ of a bright Sunday morning and sing “Come, Ye Disconsolate.” Or she thinks about that wonderful time when the Metropolitan Opera Company sang a week’s engagement in Kansas City, and Thea sent for her and had her stay with her at the Coates House and go to every performance at Convention Hall. Thea let Tillie go through her costume trunks and try on her wigs and jewels. And the kindness of Mr. Ottenburg! When Thea dined in her own room, he went down to dinner with Tillie, and never looked bored or absent-minded when she chattered. He took her to the hall the first time Thea sang there, and sat in the box with her and helped her through “Lohengrin.” After the first act, when Tillie turned tearful eyes to him and burst out, “I don’t care, she always seemed grand like that, even when she was a girl. I expect I’m crazy, but she just seems to me full of all them old times!”—Ottenburg was so sympathetic and patted her hand and said, “But that’s just what she is, full of the old times, and you are a wise woman to see it.” Yes, he said that to her. Tillie often wondered how she had been able to bear it when Thea came down the stairs in the wedding robe embroidered in silver, with a train so long it took six women to carry it.
When the laughing group that brought her home had strolled down the sidewalk through the leafy shadows and finally disappeared, Tillie took out a rocking chair and settled onto her porch. On beautiful, soft summer nights like this, when the moon is bright and full, and the day feels forgotten, she loves to sit there behind her rose vine and let her imagination wander. If you happened to walk by that Moonstone street and saw that attentive white figure rocking behind the rose screen, lingering late into the night, you might feel sympathy for her—and how wrong you would be! Tillie lives in her own little magical world, full of secret joys. Thea Kronborg has brought a lot of joy to a world that desperately needs it, but no one has given more to her quirky old aunt in Moonstone. The legend of Kronborg, the artist, fills Tillie’s life; she feels rich and uplifted by it. So many delightful things happen in her mind as she rocks! She reminisces about those early days of sand and sun, when Thea was a child, and Tillie feels, somehow, as if she was “young.” When she used to rush to church to listen to Mr. Kronborg’s amazing sermons, and when Thea would stand by the organ on bright Sunday mornings, singing “Come, Ye Disconsolate.” Or she remembers that amazing time when the Metropolitan Opera Company performed for a week in Kansas City, and Thea invited her to stay at the Coates House and attend every performance at Convention Hall. Thea let Tillie rummage through her costume trunks and try on her wigs and jewelry. And Mr. Ottenburg’s kindness! When Thea ate in her room, he joined Tillie for dinner, never looking bored or distracted when she chatted away. He took her to the hall the first time Thea sang there, sat in the box with her, and guided her through “Lohengrin.” After the first act, when Tillie turned to him with teary eyes and exclaimed, “I don’t care, she always seemed grand like that, even when she was a girl. I must be crazy, but she just feels full of all those old times!”—Ottenburg was so understanding, gently patted her hand, and said, “But that’s exactly what she is, full of the old times, and you’re wise to see it.” Yes, he really said that to her. Tillie often wondered how she managed to hold it together when Thea came down the stairs in that wedding gown embroidered in silver, with a train so long it took six women to carry it.
Tillie had lived fifty-odd years for that week, but she got it, and no miracle was ever more miraculous than that. When she used to be working in the fields on her father’s Minnesota farm, she couldn’t help believing that she would some day have to do with the “wonderful,” though her chances for it had then looked so slender.
Tillie had lived over fifty years for that week, but she finally got it, and no miracle was ever more astonishing than that. When she was working in the fields on her father’s farm in Minnesota, she couldn't help but believe that one day she would have something to do with the “wonderful,” even though her chances for it seemed so slim back then.
The morning after the sociable, Tillie, curled up in bed, was roused by the rattle of the milk cart down the street. Then a neighbor boy came down the sidewalk outside her window, singing “Casey Jones” as if he hadn’t a care in the world. By this time Tillie was wide awake. The twin’s question, and the subsequent laughter, came back with a faint twinge. Tillie knew she was short-sighted about facts, but this time—Why, there were her scrapbooks, full of newspaper and magazine articles about Thea, and half-tone cuts, snap-shots of her on land and sea, and photographs of her in all her parts. There, in her parlor, was the phonograph that had come from Mr. Ottenburg last June, on Thea’s birthday; she had only to go in there and turn it on, and let Thea speak for herself. Tillie finished brushing her white hair and laughed as she gave it a smart turn and brought it into her usual French twist. If Moonstone doubted, she had evidence enough: in black and white, in figures and photographs, evidence in hair lines on metal disks. For one who had so often seen two and two as making six, who had so often stretched a point, added a touch, in the good game of trying to make the world brighter than it is, there was positive bliss in having such deep foundations of support. She need never tremble in secret lest she might sometime stretch a point in Thea’s favor.—Oh, the comfort, to a soul too zealous, of having at last a rose so red it could not be further painted, a lily so truly auriferous that no amount of gilding could exceed the fact!
The morning after the get-together, Tillie, curled up in bed, was awakened by the sound of the milk cart rolling down the street. Then a neighbor boy walked by her window, singing “Casey Jones” as if he had no worries at all. By this time, Tillie was fully awake. The twins’ question and the laughter that followed returned with a slight twist of regret. Tillie knew she often overlooked facts, but this time—there were her scrapbooks, filled with newspaper and magazine articles about Thea, half-tone images, snapshots of her on land and sea, and photographs of her in all her glory. There, in her living room, was the phonograph that had come from Mr. Ottenburg last June, on Thea’s birthday; she just had to go in and turn it on, and let Thea speak for herself. Tillie finished brushing her white hair and laughed as she styled it into her usual French twist. If Moonstone had any doubts, she had plenty of evidence: in black and white, in numbers and photos, proof in hairlines on metal disks. For someone who had so often seen two and two as six, who had often exaggerated a bit, trying to make the world seem brighter than it was, there was pure joy in having such solid foundations of support. She would never have to secretly worry about stretching the truth in Thea’s favor again.—Oh, the relief, for a soul too passionate, of finally having a rose so red it couldn’t be painted any more, a lily so genuinely golden that no amount of gilding could top the reality!
Tillie hurried from her bedroom, threw open the doors and windows, and let the morning breeze blow through her little house.
Tillie rushed out of her bedroom, flung open the doors and windows, and let the morning breeze sweep through her small house.
In two minutes a cob fire was roaring in her kitchen stove, in five she had set the table. At her household work Tillie was always bursting out with shrill snatches of song, and as suddenly stopping, right in the middle of a phrase, as if she had been struck dumb. She emerged upon the back porch with one of these bursts, and bent down to get her butter and cream out of the ice-box. The cat was purring on the bench and the morning-glories were thrusting their purple trumpets in through the lattice-work in a friendly way. They reminded Tillie that while she was waiting for the coffee to boil she could get some flowers for her breakfast table. She looked out uncertainly at a bush of sweet-briar that grew at the edge of her yard, off across the long grass and the tomato vines. The front porch, to be sure, was dripping with crimson ramblers that ought to be cut for the good of the vines; but never the rose in the hand for Tillie! She caught up the kitchen shears and off she dashed through grass and drenching dew. Snip, snip; the short-stemmed sweet-briars, salmon-pink and golden-hearted, with their unique and inimitable woody perfume, fell into her apron.
In two minutes, a fire was roaring in her kitchen stove, and in five, she had set the table. While working around the house, Tillie often burst into shrill snippets of song, only to stop suddenly, mid-phrase, as if she had lost her voice. She stepped out onto the back porch with one of these bursts and bent down to grab her butter and cream from the fridge. The cat was purring on the bench, and the morning glories were pushing their purple trumpets through the lattice in a friendly way. They reminded Tillie that while she waited for the coffee to boil, she could pick some flowers for her breakfast table. She looked out uncertainly at a sweetbriar bush growing at the edge of her yard, beyond the tall grass and tomato vines. Sure, the front porch was covered in crimson ramblers that needed to be cut back for the health of the vines, but for Tillie, there was never a rose in hand! She grabbed the kitchen shears and dashed off through the grass and soaking dew. Snip, snip; the short-stemmed sweetbriars, salmon-pink and golden-hearted, with their unique and irreplaceable woody scent, fell into her apron.
After she put the eggs and toast on the table, Tillie took last Sunday’s New York paper from the rack beside the cupboard and sat down, with it for company. In the Sunday paper there was always a page about singers, even in summer, and that week the musical page began with a sympathetic account of Madame Kronborg’s first performance of Isolde in London. At the end of the notice, there was a short paragraph about her having sung for the King at Buckingham Palace and having been presented with a jewel by His Majesty.
After she placed the eggs and toast on the table, Tillie grabbed last Sunday’s New York paper from the rack next to the cupboard and sat down with it for company. In the Sunday paper, there was always a page about singers, even in the summer, and that week, the music section started with a thoughtful write-up on Madame Kronborg’s first performance of Isolde in London. At the end of the article, there was a brief paragraph mentioning that she had sung for the King at Buckingham Palace and had received a jewel from His Majesty.
Singing for the King; but Goodness! she was always doing things like that! Tillie tossed her head. All through breakfast she kept sticking her sharp nose down into the glass of sweet-briar, with the old incredible lightness of heart, like a child’s balloon tugging at its string. She had always insisted, against all evidence, that life was full of fairy tales, and it was! She had been feeling a little down, perhaps, and Thea had answered her, from so far. From a common person, now, if you were troubled, you might get a letter. But Thea almost never wrote letters. She answered every one, friends and foes alike, in one way, her own way, her only way. Once more Tillie has to remind herself that it is all true, and is not something she has “made up.” Like all romancers, she is a little terrified at seeing one of her wildest conceits admitted by the hardheaded world. If our dream comes true, we are almost afraid to believe it; for that is the best of all good fortune, and nothing better can happen to any of us.
Singing for the King; but wow, she was always doing stuff like that! Tillie tossed her head. Throughout breakfast, she kept sticking her sharp nose into the glass of sweet-briar, with that incredible lightness of heart, like a child's balloon tugging at its string. She always insisted, despite all evidence, that life was full of fairy tales, and it really was! Maybe she had been feeling a bit down, and Thea had responded to her from so far away. Normally, if you were upset, you might get a letter from an ordinary person. But Thea almost never wrote letters. She replied to everyone, friends and enemies alike, in one way—her own way, her only way. Once again, Tillie had to remind herself that it’s all true and not something she has "made up." Like all dreamers, she felt a little scared seeing one of her wildest fantasies acknowledged by the stubborn world. If our dream comes true, we can almost be afraid to believe it; because that's the best kind of luck there is, and nothing better can happen to any of us.
When the people on Sylvester Street tire of Tillie’s stories, she goes over to the east part of town, where her legends are always welcome. The humbler people of Moonstone still live there. The same little houses sit under the cottonwoods; the men smoke their pipes in the front doorways, and the women do their washing in the back yard. The older women remember Thea, and how she used to come kicking her express wagon along the sidewalk, steering by the tongue and holding Thor in her lap. Not much happens in that part of town, and the people have long memories. A boy grew up on one of those streets who went to Omaha and built up a great business, and is now very rich. Moonstone people always speak of him and Thea together, as examples of Moonstone enterprise. They do, however, talk oftener of Thea. A voice has even a wider appeal than a fortune. It is the one gift that all creatures would possess if they could. Dreary Maggie Evans, dead nearly twenty years, is still remembered because Thea sang at her funeral “after she had studied in Chicago.”
When the people on Sylvester Street get tired of Tillie’s stories, she heads over to the east side of town, where her tales are always welcomed. The more modest folks of Moonstone still live there. The same small houses sit under the cottonwood trees; the men smoke their pipes on their porches, and the women wash clothes in the backyard. The older women remember Thea and how she used to come along, kicking her wagon down the sidewalk, steering with the tongue and holding Thor in her lap. Not much goes on in that part of town, and the residents have long memories. A boy who grew up on one of those streets went to Omaha, built a great business, and is now very wealthy. The people of Moonstone often mention him and Thea together as examples of Moonstone spirit. However, they talk about Thea more often. A voice has an even broader impact than wealth. It's the one talent that every living being would have if they could. Dreary Maggie Evans, who has been gone nearly twenty years, is still remembered because Thea sang at her funeral “after she had studied in Chicago.”
However much they may smile at her, the old inhabitants would miss Tillie. Her stories give them something to talk about and to conjecture about, cut off as they are from the restless currents of the world. The many naked little sandbars which lie between Venice and the mainland, in the seemingly stagnant water of the lagoons, are made habitable and wholesome only because, every night, a foot and a half of tide creeps in from the sea and winds its fresh brine up through all that network of shining waterways. So, into all the little settlements of quiet people, tidings of what their boys and girls are doing in the world bring real refreshment; bring to the old, memories, and to the young, dreams.
No matter how much they smile at her, the old residents would miss Tillie. Her stories give them something to talk about and speculate on, cut off as they are from the busy world outside. The many tiny sandbars that sit between Venice and the mainland, in the seemingly still waters of the lagoons, are livable and clean only because every night, a foot and a half of tide flows in from the sea and brings fresh saltwater through all those glittering channels. So, into all the little communities of quiet people, news of what their kids are doing in the world brings a real sense of renewal; it brings the old folks memories and the young ones dreams.
THE END
THE END
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