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THE HOME
THE HOUSE
Shall the home be our world … or the world our home?
Should our home be our whole world … or should the world be our home?
THE HOME
ITS WORK AND INFLUENCE
BY
BY
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN

NEW YORK
CHARLTON COMPANY
1910
NEW YORK
CHARLTON COMPANY
1910
Copyrighted 1903
Republished, November, 1910
by
THE CHARLTON CO.
Copyrighted 1903
Republished, November, 1910
by
THE CHARLTON CO.
Printed by The Co-Operative Press, New York City
Printed by The Co-Operative Press, New York City
CONTENTS
CHAPTER | PAGE | |
I. | Introductory, | 3 |
II. | The Evolution of the Home, | 14 |
III. | Domestic Mythology, | 36 |
IV. | Present Conditions, | 62 |
V. | The Home as a Workshop. I. The Housewife, | 82 |
VI. | The Home as a Workshop. II. The Housemaid, | 104 |
VII. | Home-Cooking, | 124 |
VIII. | Domestic Art, | 143 |
IX. | Domestic Ethics, | 160 |
X. | Domestic Entertainment, | 184 |
XI. | The Lady of the House, | 206 |
XII. | The Child at Home, | 230 |
XIII. | The Girl at Home, | 252 |
XIV. | Home Influence on Men, | 272 |
XV. | Home and Social Progress, | 300 |
XVI. | Lines of Advance, | 323 |
XVII. | Results, | 342 |
TWO CALLINGS
TWO PASSIONS
THE HOME
THE HOUSE
I
INTRODUCTION
In offering this study to a public accustomed only to the unquestioning acceptance of the home as something perfect, holy, quite above discussion, a word of explanation is needed.
In presenting this study to an audience that typically views the home as something flawless, sacred, and beyond debate, a brief explanation is necessary.
First, let it be clearly and definitely stated, the purpose of this book is to maintain and improve the home. Criticism there is, deep and thorough; but not with the intention of robbing us of one essential element of home life—rather of saving us from conditions not only unessential, but gravely detrimental to home life. Every human being should have a home; the single person his or her home; and the family their home.
First, let it be clearly stated that the purpose of this book is to maintain and improve the home. There is criticism, and it's deep and thorough; but it’s not meant to take away any essential part of home life—instead, it aims to protect us from conditions that are not just unimportant, but seriously harmful to home life. Every person should have a home; single individuals should have their own home; and families should have theirs.
The home should offer to the individual rest, peace, quiet, comfort, health, and that degree of personal expression requisite; and these conditions should be maintained by the best methods of the time. The home should be to the child a place of happiness and true development; to the adult a place of happiness and that beautiful reinforcement of the spirit needed by the world's workers.
The home should provide individuals with rest, peace, quiet, comfort, health, and a level of personal expression that's necessary; and these conditions should be maintained by the best methods available. For the child, the home should be a place of happiness and genuine growth; for the adult, it should be a space of joy and the uplifting support needed by those working in the world.
We are here to perform our best service to society, and to find our best individual growth and expression; a right home is essential to both these uses.
We are here to provide our best service to society and to achieve our personal growth and expression; a suitable home is crucial for both of these purposes.
The place of childhood's glowing memories, of youth's ideals, of the calm satisfaction of mature life, of peaceful shelter for the aged; this is not attacked, this we shall not lose, but gain more universally. What is here asserted is that our real home life is clogged and injured by a number of conditions which are not necessary, which are directly inimical to the home; and that we shall do well to lay these aside.
The place of childhood's bright memories, of youthful dreams, of the contentment of adult life, of a safe haven for the elderly; this is not threatened, and we won't lose it, but rather gain even more broadly. What is being said here is that our genuine home life is burdened and harmed by several unnecessary factors that are actually harmful to the home; and that we should set these aside.
As to the element of sanctity—that which is really sacred can bear examination, no darkened room is needed for real miracles; mystery and shadow belong to jugglers, not to the truth.
As for the aspect of sanctity—what is truly sacred can withstand scrutiny; real miracles don’t require a darkened room. Mystery and shadows are for con artists, not for the truth.
The home is a human institution. All human institutions are open to improvement. This specially dear and ancient one, however, we have successfully kept shut, and so it has not improved as have some others.
The home is a human institution. All human institutions can be improved. However, this one, which is especially cherished and old, we have managed to keep closed off, so it hasn't improved like some others have.
The home is too important a factor in human life to be thus left behind in the march of events; its influence is too wide, too deep, too general, for us to ignore.
The home is too important in our lives to be left behind in the progress of events; its influence is too vast, too profound, too universal for us to overlook.
Whatever else a human being has to meet and bear, he has always the home as a governing factor in the formation of character and the direction of life.
Whatever else a person has to face and endure, they always have home as a key influence in shaping their character and guiding their life.
This power of home-influence we cannot fail to see, but we have bowed to it in blind idolatry as one of unmixed beneficence, instead of studying with jealous care that so large a force be wisely guided and restrained.
This power of home influence is obvious, yet we have worshiped it blindly as if it is entirely good, rather than carefully examining how such a significant force should be wisely directed and controlled.
We have watched the rise and fall of many social institutions, we have seen them change, grow, decay, and die; we have seen them work mightily for evil—or as mightily for good; and have learned to judge and choose accordingly, to build up and to tear down for the best interests of the human race.
We have seen many social institutions rise and fall; we have watched them change, grow, decay, and disappear. We have witnessed their capacity to be powerful for evil—or just as powerful for good. From this, we have learned to evaluate and choose wisely, to build up and to tear down for the best interests of humanity.
In very early times, when the child-mind of inexperienced man was timid, soft, and yet conservative as only the mind of children and savages can be, we regarded all institutions with devout reverence and fear.
In ancient times, when the minds of inexperienced people were timid, sensitive, and conservative like those of children and tribes, we viewed all institutions with deep respect and fear.
Primitive man bowed down and fell upon his face before almost everything, whether forces of nature or of art. To worship, to enshrine, to follow blindly, was instinctive with the savage.
Primitive man bowed down and fell on his face before almost everything, whether it was the forces of nature or art. Worshiping, enshrining, and following blindly came instinctively to the savage.
The civilised man has a larger outlook, a clearer, better-ordered brain. He bases reverence on knowledge, he loses fear in the light of understanding; freedom and self-government have developed him. It does not come so readily to him to fall upon his face—rather he lifts his face bravely to see and know and do. In place of the dark and cruel superstitions of old time, with the crushing weight of a strong cult of priests, we have a free and growing church, branching steadily wider as more minds differ, and coming nearer always to that final merging of religion in life which shall leave them indistinguishable. In place of the iron despotisms of old time we have a similar growth and change in governments, approaching always nearer to a fully self-governing condition. Our growth has been great, but it has been irregular and broken by strange checks and reversions; also accompanied, even in its heights, by parallel disorders difficult to account for.
The civilized person has a broader perspective, a clearer and more organized mind. They base their respect on knowledge and lose their fears in the light of understanding; freedom and self-government have helped them grow. It's not as easy for them to fall to their knees—rather, they stand tall to see, understand, and take action. Instead of the dark and cruel superstitions of the past, weighed down by a powerful priestly class, we now have a free and expanding church that continuously opens up as more people think differently, getting closer to that ultimate combination of religion and life that will make them indistinguishable. Instead of the harsh dictatorships of the past, we are seeing similar growth and change in governments, moving closer to fully self-governing systems. Our progress has been significant, but it’s been uneven and interrupted by strange setbacks and regressions; it's also been accompanied, even at its peaks, by parallel issues that are hard to explain.
In all this long period of progress the moving world has carried with it the unmoving home; the man free, the woman confined; the man specialising in a thousand industries, the woman still limited to her domestic functions. We have constantly believed that this was the true way to live, the natural way, the only way. Whatever else might change—and all things did—the home must not. So sure were we, and are we yet, of this, that we have utterly refused to admit that the home has changed, has grown, has improved, in spite of our unshaken convictions and unbending opposition.
In all this long period of progress, the changing world has moved forward while the home has stayed the same; the man is free, while the woman is stuck at home; the man specializes in a thousand industries, while the woman is still limited to her household duties. We have always thought this was the right way to live, the natural way, the only way. No matter what else changed—and everything has—the home must not. We were so sure, and still are, of this that we have completely refused to acknowledge that the home has changed, has grown, has improved, despite our unwavering beliefs and stubborn resistance.
The softest, freest, most pliable and changeful living substance is the brain—the hardest and most iron-bound as well. Given a sufficiently deep conviction, and facts are but as dreams before its huge reality.
The softest, freest, most flexible and changeable living substance is the brain—the toughest and most rigid as well. With a strong enough belief, facts seem just like dreams next to its immense reality.
Our convictions about the home go down to the uttermost depths, and have changed less under the tooth of time than any others, yet the facts involved have altered most radically. The structure of the home has changed from cave to tent, from tent to hut, from hut to house, from house to block or towering pile of "flats"; the functions of the home have changed from every incipient industry known to past times, to our remaining few; the inmates of the home have changed, from the polygamous group and its crowd of slaves, to the one basic family relation of father, mother, and child; but our feelings have remained the same.
Our beliefs about home run deep and have changed less over time than most things, even though the facts have shifted dramatically. The physical structure of the home has evolved from caves to tents, from tents to huts, from huts to houses, and from houses to blocks or high-rises of apartments. The roles of the home have transformed from every early industry in history to just a few that remain today. The people who live in homes have transitioned from polygamous groups with many slaves to the basic family unit of a father, mother, and child; yet, our feelings about home have stayed the same.
The progress of society we have seen to be hindered by many evils in the world about us and in our own characters; we have sought to oppose them as best we might, and even in some degree to study them for wiser opposition.
The progress of society has been blocked by many problems in the world around us and within ourselves; we have tried to fight against them as best as we could, and even to some extent, to understand them for smarter resistance.
Certain diseases we have traced to their cause, removed the cause, and so avoided the disease; others we are just beginning to trace, as in our present warfare with "the white plague," tuberculosis.
Certain diseases we've identified their causes, eliminated those causes, and thus prevented the diseases; others we are just starting to track down, like in our current battle with "the white plague," tuberculosis.
Certain forms of vice we are beginning to examine similarly, and certain defects of character; we are learning that society is part of the living world and comes under the action of natural law as much as any other form of life.
Certain types of vice are beginning to be examined in the same way, along with certain character flaws; we are realizing that society is part of the living world and is subject to natural law just like any other form of life.
But in all this study of social factors affecting disease and vice and character, we have still held that the home—our most universal environment—was perfect and quite above suspicion.
But in all this study of social factors influencing disease, crime, and character, we have still maintained that the home—our most common environment—was flawless and completely above suspicion.
We were right at bottom. The home in its essential nature is pure good, and in its due development is progressively good; but it must change with society's advance; and the kind of home that was wholly beneficial in one century may be largely evil in another. We must forcibly bear in mind, in any honest study of a long-accustomed environment, that our own comfort, or even happiness, in a given condition does not prove it to be good.
We were at rock bottom. The home in its essential nature is inherently good, and in its proper development, it becomes increasingly good; however, it must evolve with society's progress. The type of home that was completely beneficial in one century may be mostly harmful in another. We need to firmly remember, in any genuine examination of a long-standing environment, that our own comfort or even happiness in a certain situation doesn’t make it good.
Comfort and happiness are very largely a matter of prolonged adjustment. We like what we are used to. When we get used to something else we like that too—and if the something else is really better, we profit by the change. To the tired farmer it is comfort to take off his coat, put up his yarn-stockinged feet on a chair, and have his wife serve him the supper she has cooked. The tired banker prefers a dressing gown or lounging jacket, slippers, a well-dressed, white-handed wife, and a neat maid or stately butler to wait on the table. The domestic Roman preferred a luxurious bath at the hands of his slaves. All these types find comfort in certain surroundings—yet the surroundings differ.
Comfort and happiness mainly come down to getting used to things over time. We tend to enjoy what we're familiar with. When we grow accustomed to something new, we end up liking that too—and if the new thing is genuinely better, we benefit from the switch. For the exhausted farmer, it feels comforting to take off his coat, prop his yarn-stockinged feet up on a chair, and have his wife serve him the dinner she prepared. The tired banker opts for a dressing gown or lounging jacket, slippers, an elegantly dressed wife, and a neat maid or poised butler to attend to the dining table. The domestic Roman preferred a luxurious bath provided by his slaves. All these individuals find comfort in specific environments—yet those environments vary.
The New England farmer would not think a home comfortable that was full of slaves—even a butler he would find oppressive; the New York banker would not enjoy seeing his wife do dirty work. Ideals change—even home ideals; and whatever kind of home we have, so that we grow up in it and know no other, we learn to love. Even among homes as they now are, equally enjoyed by their inmates, there is a wide scale of difference. Why, then, is it impossible to imagine something still further varying from what we now know; yet to the children born therein as dear and deeply loved?
The New England farmer wouldn’t consider a home comfortable if it was full of slaves—even a butler would feel oppressive to him; the New York banker wouldn’t like to see his wife doing menial work. Ideals change—even what we think of as home; and no matter what kind of home we grow up in, we learn to love it because it’s all we know. Even among homes as they exist today, that everyone enjoys living in, there’s a wide range of differences. So, why is it so hard to imagine something even more different from what we know now, yet just as cherished and loved by the children born into it?
Again let us remember that happiness, mere physical comfort and the interchange of family affection, is not all that life is for. We may have had "a happy childhood," as far as we can recall; we may have been idolised and indulged by our parents, and have had no wish ungratified; yet even so all this is no guarantee that the beloved home has given us the best training, the best growth. Nourmahal, the Light of the Harem, no doubt enjoyed herself—but perhaps other surroundings might have done more for her mind and soul. The questions raised here touch not only upon our comfort and happiness in such homes as are happy ones, but on the formative influence of these homes; asking if our present home ideals and home conditions are really doing all for humanity that we have a right to demand. There is a difference in homes not only in races, classes, and individuals, but in periods.
Let's remember that happiness, mere physical comfort, and family affection aren’t everything life is about. We might have had "a happy childhood," as far as we can remember; we might have been adored and spoiled by our parents, with all our wishes fulfilled; yet none of this guarantees that our cherished home has provided us with the best training and growth. Nourmahal, the Light of the Harem, surely had a good time—but maybe different surroundings could have contributed more to her mind and soul. The issues raised here not only relate to our comfort and happiness in homes that are considered happy, but also to the impact these homes have on our development; they ask whether our current home ideals and conditions are truly doing all they can for humanity as we have the right to expect. There are differences in homes not just across races, classes, and individuals, but also across different time periods.
The sum of the criticism in the following study is this: the home has not developed in proportion to our other institutions, and by its rudimentary condition it arrests development in other lines. Further, that the two main errors in the right adjustment of the home to our present life are these: the maintenance of primitive industries in a modern industrial community, and the confinement of women to those industries and their limited area of expression. No word is said against the real home, the true family life; but it is claimed that much we consider essential to that home and family life is not only unnecessary, but positively injurious.
The main point of the criticism in the following study is this: the home hasn’t evolved alongside our other institutions, and because it remains basic, it holds back progress in other areas. Additionally, the two significant mistakes in properly aligning the home with our current lives are these: the continuation of outdated industries in a modern industrial society, and the restriction of women to those industries and their limited roles. Nothing is said against the genuine home and real family life; however, it is argued that much of what we think is essential for that home and family life is actually unnecessary and can even be harmful.
The home is a beautiful ideal, but have we no others? "My Country" touches a deeper chord than even "Home, Sweet Home." A homeless man is to be pitied, but "The Man without a Country" is one of the horrors of history. The love of mother and child is beautiful; but there is a higher law than that—the love of one another.
The concept of home is a beautiful ideal, but don't we have other ones? "My Country" strikes a deeper chord than even "Home, Sweet Home." We should feel sorry for a homeless person, but "The Man without a Country" is one of the true tragedies in history. The bond between mother and child is beautiful, but there is a greater principle than that—the love we share for one another.
In our great religion we are taught to love and serve all mankind. Every word and act of Christ goes to show the law of universal service. Christian love goes out to all the world; it may begin, but does not stay, at home.
In our wonderful religion, we're taught to love and serve everyone. Every word and action of Christ demonstrates the principle of serving all. Christian love extends to the whole world; it may start at home, but it doesn't stay there.
The trend of all democracy is toward a wider, keener civic consciousness; a purer public service. All the great problems of our times call for the broad view, the large concept, the general action. Such gain as we have made in human life is in this larger love; in some approach to peace, safety, and world-wide inter-service; yet this so patent common good is strangely contradicted and off-set by cross-currents of primitive selfishness. Our own personal lives, rich as they are to-day, broad with the consciousness of all acquainted races, deep with the consciousness of the uncovered past, strong with our universal knowledge and power; yet even so are not happy. We are confused—bewildered. Life is complicated, duties conflict, we fly and fall like tethered birds, and our new powers beat against old restrictions like ships in dock, fast moored, yet with all sail set and steam up.
The trend of democracy is moving towards a broader and sharper awareness of civic responsibility and a better public service. The major issues of our time require a wide perspective, a big idea, and collective action. The progress we’ve made in human well-being comes from this deeper sense of love; it’s about striving for peace, safety, and global cooperation. However, this evident common good is oddly countered and disrupted by currents of basic selfishness. Our individual lives, though rich today, informed by diverse cultures and histories, and empowered by our collective knowledge, still do not bring us happiness. We find ourselves confused and bewildered. Life is complicated, responsibilities clash, and we feel like birds stuck on a tether, trying to fly yet falling, with our new abilities pushing against old constraints like ships in a harbor, tied up but ready to set sail with all sails unfurled and engines running.
It is here suggested that one cause for this irregular development of character, this contradictory social action, and this wearing unrest in life lies unsuspected in our homes; not in their undying essential factors, but in those phases of home life we should have long since peacefully outgrown. Let no one tremble in fear of losing precious things. That which is precious remains and will remain always. We do small honour to nature's laws when we imagine their fulfilment rests on this or that petty local custom of our own.
It’s suggested here that one reason for this uneven character development, this conflicting social behavior, and this constant unease in life is hidden in our homes; not in their enduring core elements, but in those aspects of home life we should have long ago moved past. Let no one be afraid of losing cherished things. What is truly valuable stays and will always stay. We do a disservice to nature's laws when we think their fulfillment depends on this or that minor local custom of ours.
We may all have homes to love and grow in without the requirement that half of us shall never have anything else. We shall have homes of rest and peace for all, with no need for half of us to find them places of ceaseless work and care. Home and its beauty, home and its comfort, home and its refreshment to tired nerves, its inspiration to worn hearts, this is in no danger of loss or change; but the home which is so far from beautiful, so wearing to the nerves and dulling to the heart, the home life that means care and labour and disappointment, the quiet, unnoticed whirlpool that sucks down youth and beauty and enthusiasm, man's long labour and woman's longer love—this we may gladly change and safely lose. To the child who longs to grow up and be free; to the restless, rebelling boy; to the girl who marries all too hastily as a means of escape; to the man who puts his neck in the collar and pulls while life lasts to meet the unceasing demands of his little sanctuary; and to the woman—the thousands upon thousands of women, who work while life lasts to serve that sanctuary by night and day—to all these it may not be unwelcome to suggest that the home need be neither a prison, a workhouse, nor a consuming fire.
We can all have homes to love and grow in without the need for some of us to sacrifice everything else. We can enjoy homes filled with rest and peace for everyone, without half of us needing to make them places of constant work and worry. A home and its beauty, its comfort, its ability to refresh tired nerves, and its inspiration for weary hearts are not in danger of being lost or changed; but the homes that are far from beautiful, that are exhausting to the nerves and dulling to the heart, the home life that means worry, hard work, and disappointment, the quiet, unnoticed whirlpool that drags down youth, beauty, and enthusiasm, as well as a man's long effort and a woman's even longer love—this is what we can gladly change and let go. To the child who dreams of growing up and being free; to the restless, rebellious boy; to the girl who marries too quickly to escape; to the man who works tirelessly to meet the endless demands of his small sanctuary; and to the woman—the countless women who work day and night to support that sanctuary—it may not be unwelcome to suggest that home doesn’t have to be a prison, a workhouse, or a consuming fire.
Home—with all that the sweet word means; home for each of us, in its best sense; yet shorn of its inordinate expenses, freed of its grinding labours, open to the blessed currents of progress that lead and lift us all—this we may have and keep for all time.
Home—what a lovely word; home for each of us, in its truest sense; yet stripped of its excessive costs, free from exhausting work, welcoming the wonderful waves of progress that uplift us all—this is what we can have and hold onto forever.
It is, therefore, with no iconoclastic frenzy of destruction, but as one bravely pruning a most precious tree, that this book is put forward; inquiring as to what is and what is not vital to the subject; and claiming broadly that with such and such clinging masses cut away, the real home life will be better established and more richly fruitful for good than we have ever known before.
It is, therefore, not with a wild desire to tear things down, but rather like someone carefully pruning a cherished tree, that this book is presented; asking what is essential and what isn’t; and broadly asserting that if we remove certain unnecessary parts, real home life will be better established and more rewarding for everyone than ever before.
II
The Evolution of the Home
We have been slow, slow and reluctant, to apply the laws of evolution to the familiar facts of human life. Whatever else might move, we surely were stationary; we were the superior onlookers—not part of the procession. Ideas which have possessed the racial mind from the oldest times are not to be dispossessed in a day; and this idea that man is something extra in the scheme of creation is one of our very oldest. We have always assumed that we were made by a special order, and that our manners and customs were peculiarly and distinctively our own, separated by an immeasurable gap from those of "the lower animals."
We have been slow, hesitant even, to apply the laws of evolution to the familiar aspects of human life. No matter what else changed, we thought we were stationary; we considered ourselves the superior observers—not part of the journey. Ideas that have been ingrained in our collective consciousness for ages aren’t just going to vanish overnight; the belief that humans are something special in the grand design of creation is one of our oldest notions. We’ve always assumed that we were created in a unique way, and that our behaviors and customs were entirely our own, set apart by a vast divide from those of "lower animals."
Now it appears, in large succeeding waves of proof, that there are no gaps in the long story of earth's continual creation; some pages may be lost to us, but they were once continuous. There is no break between us and the first stir of life upon our planet. Life is an unbroken line, a ceaseless stream that pours steadily on; or rather, it grows like an undying tree, some of whose branches wither and drop off, some reach their limit part way up, but the main trunk rises ever higher. We stand at the top and continue to grow, but we still carry with us many of the characteristics of the lower branches.
Now it seems, through a lot of evidence, that there are no gaps in the long history of Earth's ongoing creation; some pages might be lost to us, but they were once connected. There is no break between us and the first signs of life on our planet. Life is an unbroken thread, a constant flow that keeps moving forward; or rather, it grows like a never-ending tree, with some branches wilting and falling off, and some reaching their limits partway up, but the main trunk keeps growing taller. We stand at the top and continue to grow, but we still carry many traits from the lower branches.
At what point in this long march of life was introduced that useful, blessed thing—the home? Is it something new, something distinctively human, like the church, the school, or the post office? No. It is traceable far back of humanity, back of the mammals, back of the vertebrates; we find it in most elaborate form even among insects.
At what point in this long journey of life did that useful, wonderful thing—the home—come into play? Is it something new, something uniquely human, like the church, the school, or the post office? No. It can be traced way back, even before humans, before mammals, before vertebrates; we see it in its most complex form even among insects.
What is a home? The idea of home is usually connected with that of family, as a place wherein young are born and reared, a common shelter for the reproductive group. The word may be also applied to the common shelter for any other permanent group, and to the place where any individual habitually stays. Continuous living in any place by individual or group makes that place a home; even old prisoners, at last released, have been known to come back to the familiar cell because it seemed like "home" to them. But "the home," in the sense in which we here discuss it, is the shelter of the family, of the group organised for purposes of reproduction. In this sense a beehive is as much a home as any human dwelling place—even more, perhaps. The snow hut of the Eskimo, the tent of hides that covers the American savage, the rock-bound fastness of the cave-dweller—these are homes as truly as the costliest modern mansion. The burrow of the prairie dog is a home, a fox's earth is a home, a bird's nest is a home, and the shelter of the little "seahorse" is a home. Wherever the mother feeds and guards her little ones,—more especially if the father helps her,—there is, for the time being, home.
What is a home? The concept of home is usually linked to family, as a place where young ones are born and raised, a shared shelter for the family unit. The term can also refer to the common residence of any permanent group, or to the place where any person regularly lives. Living continuously in a location, whether by an individual or a group, makes that place a home; even long-term prisoners, once released, have been known to return to their familiar cell because it felt like "home" to them. But "the home," in the context we’re discussing, is the shelter of the family, the group organized for reproduction. In this sense, a beehive is as much a home as any human dwelling—even more so, perhaps. The snow hut of an Eskimo, the hide tent of an American Indian, the rock-bound refuge of a cave dweller—these are homes just as much as the most expensive modern mansion. The burrow of a prairie dog is a home, a fox’s den is a home, a bird's nest is a home, and the shelter of a little seahorse is a home. Wherever the mother feeds and protects her young ones—especially if the father helps her—there, for the moment, is home.
This accounts at once for the bottomless depths of our attachment to the idea. For millions and millions of years it has been reborn in each generation and maintained by the same ceaseless pressure. The furry babies of the forest grow to consciousness in nests of leaves, in a warm stillness where they are safe and comfortable, where mother is—and mother is heaven and earth to the baby. Our lightly spoken phrase "What is home without a mother?" covers the deepest truth; there would never have been any home without her. It is from these antecedents that we may trace the formation of this deep-bedded concept, home.
This explains the deep bond we have with the idea. For millions and millions of years, it has been passed down through each generation, sustained by the same unending force. The little animals of the forest become aware of the world in their cozy nests made of leaves, in a warm quiet space where they feel safe and comfortable, where mother is—and mother represents everything to the baby. The simple phrase "What is home without a mother?" captures a profound truth; there would never have been a home without her. It is from these origins that we can trace the development of this fundamental concept: home.
The blended feelings covered by the word are a group of life's first necessities and most constant joys: shelter, quiet, safety, warmth, ease, comfort, peace, and love. Add to these food, and you have the sum of the animal's gratification. Home is indeed heaven to him. The world outside is, to the animal with a home, a field of excitement, exertion, and danger. He goes out to eat, in more or less danger of being eaten; but if he can secure his prey and drag it home he is then perfectly happy. Often he must feed where it falls, but then home is the place for the after-dinner nap.
The mixed emotions captured by the word represent a collection of life's essential needs and ongoing joys: shelter, quiet, safety, warmth, ease, comfort, peace, and love. Add food to that, and you have everything an animal could want. For them, home is truly a paradise. The outside world is, for a homed animal, a place of excitement, hard work, and risk. They venture out to eat, facing varying degrees of danger themselves; but if they can catch their food and bring it back home, they feel completely content. Often, they have to eat where they hunt, but home is still where they can relax and nap after their meal.
With the graminivora there is no thought of home. The peaceful grass-eater drops foal or fawn, kid, calf, or lamb, where chance may find her in the open, and feeds at random under the sky. Vegetable food of a weak quality like grass has to be constantly followed up; there is no time to gather armfuls to take home, even if there were homes—or arms. But the beasts of prey have homes and love them, and the little timid things that live in instant danger—they, too, have homes to hide in at a moment's notice. These deep roots of animal satisfaction underlie the later growths of sentiment that so enshrine the home idea with us. The retreat, the shelter both from weather and enemies, this is a primal root.
With herbivores, there's no concept of home. The calm grass-eater gives birth to its young—whether it's a foal, fawn, kid, calf, or lamb—wherever it happens to be in the open and grazes randomly under the sky. Since their food like grass is low in nutrients, they have to keep moving to find it; there's no time to gather up a bunch to take back, even if they had homes—or arms. But predators do have homes and cherish them, and the small, fearful creatures that live in constant danger also have places to hide when needed. These deep-seated roots of animal contentment form the foundation for our later emotional connections that idealize the idea of home. The retreat and shelter from both the weather and threats is a fundamental instinct.
It is interesting to note that there is a strong connection still between a disagreeable climate and the love of home. Where it is comfortable and pleasant out of doors, then you find the life of the street, the market place, the café, the plaza. Where it is damp and dark and chill, where rain and wind, snow and ice make it unpleasant without, there you find people gathering about the fireside, and boasting of it as a virtue—merely another instance of the law that makes virtue of necessity.
It’s interesting to see that there’s still a strong link between an unpleasant climate and the love of home. When the weather is nice and inviting outside, people enjoy the streets, markets, cafes, and plazas. But where it’s damp, dark, and cold—where rain, wind, snow, and ice make it uncomfortable outside—people tend to gather around the fireplace and take pride in it as a positive thing. It’s just another example of the law that turns necessity into virtue.
Man began with the beasts' need of home and the beasts' love of home. To this he rapidly applied new needs and new sentiments. The ingenious ferocity of man, and his unique habit of preying on his own kind, at once introduced a new necessity, that of fortification. Many animals live in terror of attack from other kinds of animals, and adapt their homes defensively as best they may, but few are exposed to danger of attack from their own kind. Ants, indeed, sometimes make war; bees are sometimes thieves; but man stands clear in his pre-eminence as a destroyer of his own race. From this habit of preying on each other came the need of fortified homes, and so the feeling of safety attached to the place grew and deepened.
Humans started with the animals' need for a home and their love for their homes. They quickly added new needs and feelings to this. The clever aggression of humans, along with their unique tendency to prey on their own kind, created a new necessity: the need for protection. Many animals live in fear of being attacked by different species and try to defend their homes as best as they can, but few face threats from their own kind. Ants sometimes wage wars; bees can be thieves; but humans clearly stand out as a destroyer of their own species. This tendency to prey on each other led to the need for fortified homes, and as a result, the sense of safety associated with those places grew and intensified.
The sense of comfort increased as we learned to multiply conveniences, and, with this increase in conveniences, came decreased power to do without them. The home where all sat on the floor had not so much advantage in comfort over "out-of-doors" as had the home where all sat on chairs, and became unable to sit on the ground with ease. So safety and comfort grew in the home concept. Shelter, too, became more complex as door and window and curtain guarded us better, and made us more susceptible to chill. Peace became more dear at home as war increased outside; quiet, as life waxed louder in the world; love, as we learned to hate each other more. The more dangerous and offensive life outside, the more we cling to the primal virtues of the home; and conversely, in our imagination of heaven, we do not picture the angels as bound up in their homes—if, indeed, they have any—but as gladly mingling in the larger love which includes them all. When we say "Heaven is my home," we mean the whole of it.
The feeling of comfort grew as we added more conveniences, and with this increase in conveniences came a decreased ability to live without them. The home where everyone sat on the floor didn’t offer much more comfort than the outdoors did, whereas the home where everyone sat on chairs became less capable of sitting on the ground easily. Thus, safety and comfort became more important in our idea of home. Shelter also became more complicated as doors, windows, and curtains protected us better, making us more sensitive to the cold. Peace became more valuable at home as wars increased outside; quietness, as life grew louder in the world; love, as we learned to hate each other more. The more dangerous and unpleasant life became outside, the more we held on to the basic values of home; conversely, when we imagine heaven, we don’t picture angels confined to their homes—if they have any— but rather happily interacting in a greater love that encompasses everyone. When we say, "Heaven is my home," we mean all of it.
The care and shelter of the young is a far larger problem with us than with our hairy ancestors. Our longer period of immaturity gives us monogamous marriage and the permanent home. The animal may change his mate and home between litters; ours lap. This over-lapping, long-continuing babyhood has given us more good than we yet recognise.
The care and shelter of the young is a much bigger issue for us than it was for our hairy ancestors. Our extended period of being immature leads to monogamous marriage and lasting homes. Animals might change their mates and homes between litters; we don’t. This overlap of a prolonged childhood has brought us more benefits than we realize.
Thus we see that all the animal cared for in the home we have in greater degree, and care for more; while we have, further, many home ideals they knew not. One of the earliest steps in human development was ancestor-worship. With lower animals the parents do their duty cheerfully, steadily, devotedly, but there is no thought of return. The law of reproduction acts to improve the race by relentlessly sacrificing the individual, and that individual, the parent, never sets up a claim to any special veneration or gratitude.
Thus we see that we care for the animals in our homes to a much greater extent, and we have many ideals about home they don’t understand. One of the first steps in human development was ancestor worship. With lower animals, the parents fulfill their responsibilities happily, consistently, and devotedly, but they don’t expect anything in return. The law of reproduction works to enhance the species by continually sacrificing the individual, and that individual, the parent, never demands any special respect or gratitude.
But with us it is different. Our little ones lasting longer and requiring more care, we become more conscious of our relation to them. So the primitive parent very soon set up a claim upon the child, and as the child was absolutely helpless and in the power of the parent, it did not take long to force into the racial mind this great back-acting theory. The extreme height is found where it is made a religion, ancestor-worship, once very common, and still dominant in some of our oldest, i.e., most primitive civilisations, as the Chinese. This ancestor-worship is what gave the element of sanctity to the home. As late as the Roman civilisation its power was so strong that the home was still a temple to a dwindling group of household gods—mere fossil grandpas—and we ourselves are not yet free from the influence of Roman civilisation. We still talk in poetic archaisms of "the altar of the home."
But with us, it's different. Our little ones last longer and need more care, so we become more aware of our relationship with them. The primitive parent quickly claimed ownership of the child, and since the child was completely helpless and reliant on the parent, it didn't take long for this significant idea to become ingrained in our collective mindset. The peak of this is seen when it becomes a religion: ancestor worship, which was once very common and still exists in some of our oldest, i.e., most primitive civilizations, like the Chinese. This ancestor worship is what gave a sense of sanctity to the home. Even during the Roman civilization, its influence was so strong that the home remained a temple for a dwindling group of household gods—just old relics of ancestors—and we ourselves are not entirely free from the impact of Roman civilization. We still use poetic expressions like "the altar of the home."
The extension of the family from a temporary reproductive group to a permanent social group is another human addition to the home idea. To have lived in one hole all his infancy makes that hole familiar and dear to the little fox. To have lived in one nest all his life makes that nest more familiar and more dear to the rook. But to have lived in one house for generations, to have "the home of my ancestors" loom upon one's growing consciousness—this is to enlarge enormously our sense of the dignity and value of the term.
The expansion of the family from a temporary reproductive unit to a lasting social group is another aspect humans bring to the concept of home. Living in one place throughout their early years makes that spot familiar and treasured for the young fox. Spending a lifetime in the same nest makes that nest feel even more familiar and cherished for the rook. But living in one house for generations, having "the home of my ancestors" become prominent in one’s awareness—this significantly enhances our understanding of the dignity and importance of the term.
This development of the home feeling of course hinges upon the theory of private property rights; and on another of our peculiar specialties, the exaltation of blood-relationships. Our whole social structure, together with social progress and social action, rests in reality on social relationship—that is, on the interchange of special services between individuals. But we, starting the custom at a time when we knew no better, and perpetuating it blindly, chose to assume that it was more important to be connected physically as are the animals, than psychically as human beings; so we extended the original family group of father, mother, and child into endless collateral lines and tried to attach our duties, our ambitions, our virtues and achievements to that group exclusively. The effect of this on any permanent home was necessarily to still further enlarge and deepen the sentiment attached to it.
This development of the feeling of home obviously depends on the idea of private property rights and another one of our unique traits, the elevation of blood relationships. Our entire social structure, along with social progress and action, is really based on social relationships—that is, on the exchange of specific services between individuals. However, we began this practice at a time when we didn’t know any better and continued it blindly, choosing to believe that being physically connected, like animals, was more important than being emotionally connected as human beings. As a result, we expanded the original family unit of father, mother, and child into countless extended branches, trying to link our responsibilities, aspirations, values, and achievements solely to that group. This had the effect of further amplifying the feelings associated with any permanent home.
There is another feature of human life, however, which has contributed enormously to our home sentiment,—the position of women. Having its rise, no doubt, in the over-lapping babyhood before mentioned, the habit grew of associating women more continuously with the home, but this tendency was as nothing compared to the impetus given by the custom of ownership in women. Women became, practically, property. They were sold, exchanged, given and bequeathed like horses, hides, or weapons. They belonged to the man, as did the house; it was one property group. With the steadily widening gulf between the sexes which followed upon this arbitrary imprisonment of the woman in the home, we have come to regard "the world" as exclusively man's province, and "the home" as exclusively woman's.
There’s another aspect of human life that has greatly influenced our sense of home—women's roles. This stems, undoubtedly, from the early childhood experiences mentioned earlier, where women began to be more closely associated with the home. However, this inclination was nothing compared to the boost that came from the practice of treating women as property. Women were practically owned; they were bought, traded, given away, and inherited just like horses, hides, or weapons. They were considered the man's possession, just like the house—it was all one property group. As the gap between the sexes widened due to this enforced confinement of women in the home, we have come to see "the world" as primarily belonging to men and "the home" as primarily belonging to women.
The man, who constitutes the progressive wing of the human race, went on outside as best he might, organising society, and always enshrining in his heart the woman and the home as one and indivisible. This gives the subtle charm of sex to a man's home ideals, and, equally, the scorn of sex to a man's home practices. Home to the man first means mother, as it does to all creatures, but later, and with renewed intensity, it means his own private harem—be it never so monogamous—the secret place where he keeps his most precious possession.
The man, who represents the forward-thinking part of humanity, went out into the world as best he could, working to shape society while always holding the woman and the home as one and inseparable in his heart. This creates the unique appeal of sex in a man's ideals about home, and, conversely, the disdain of sex in a man's actual practices. For the man, home initially signifies mother, as it does for all beings, but later, with even more intensity, it becomes his own private space—no matter how monogamous—where he treasures his most valued possession.
Thus the word "home," in the human mind, touches the spring of a large complex group of ideas and sentiments, some older than humanity, some recent enough for us to trace their birth, some as true and inalienable as any other laws of life, some as false and unnecessary as any others of mankind's mistakes. It does not follow that all the earliest ones are right for us to-day, because they were right for our remote predecessors, or that those later introduced are therefore wrong.
Thus the word "home," in our minds, connects to a wide range of ideas and feelings—some older than humanity itself, some recent enough for us to identify when they began, some as genuine and essential as any other laws of life, and some as false and unnecessary as any of humanity's mistakes. It doesn't mean that all the earliest ideas are still right for us today just because they were right for our distant ancestors, nor does it mean that the newer ones are therefore wrong.
What is called for is a clear knowledge of the course of evolution of this earliest institution and an understanding of the reasons for its changes, that we may discriminate to-day between that which is vital and permanent in home life and that which is unessential and injurious. We may follow without difficulty the evolution of each and all the essential constituents of home, mark the introduction of non-essentials, show the evils resultant from forced retention of earlier forms; in a word, we may study the evolution of the home precisely as we study that of any other form of life.
What we need is a clear understanding of how this oldest institution has evolved and why it has changed, so we can tell today what is vital and lasting in home life versus what is unnecessary and harmful. We can easily trace the development of all the essential parts of a home, identify the introduction of non-essentials, and highlight the problems that arise from clinging to outdated forms; in short, we can study the evolution of the home just like we study any other aspect of life.
Take that primal requisite of safety and shelter which seems to underlie all others, a place where the occupant may be protected from the weather and its enemies. This motive of home-making governs the nest-builder, the burrow-digger, the selector of caves; it dominates the insect, the animal, the savage, and the modern architect. Dangers change, and the home must change to suit the danger. So after the caves were found insufficient, the lake-dwellers built above the water, safe when the bridge was in. The drawbridge as an element of safety lingered long, even when an artificial moat must needs be made for lack of lake. When the principal danger is cold, as in Arctic regions, the home is built thick and small; when it is heat, we build thick and large; when it is dampness, we choose high ground, elevate the home, lay drains; when it is wind, we seek a sheltered slope, or if there is no slope, plant trees as a wind-break to protect the home, or, in the worst cases, make a "cyclone cellar."
Take that basic need for safety and shelter that seems to be the foundation of all others, a place where the resident can be shielded from the weather and its threats. This drive to create a home influences the nest-builder, the burrow-digger, and the cave-finder; it affects insects, animals, primitive people, and modern architects alike. Dangers evolve, and homes must adapt to address these risks. So, after caves proved inadequate, the lake-dwellers constructed homes above water, safe as long as the bridge was in place. The drawbridge as a safety feature persisted for a long time, even when an artificial moat had to be created due to the absence of a lake. When the primary threat is cold, like in Arctic areas, homes are built thick and small; when it's heat, we construct them thick and large; when it's dampness, we opt for high ground, elevate our homes, and install drainage; when it’s windy, we look for a sheltered slope, or if there isn't one, we plant trees as windbreaks to protect our homes, and in
The gradual development of our careful plastering and glazing, our methods of heating, of carpeting and curtaining, comes along this line of security and shelter, modified always by humanity's great enemy, conservatism. In these mechanical details, as in deeper issues, free adaptation to changed conditions is hindered by our invariable effort to maintain older habits. Older habits are most dear to the aged, and as the aged have always most controlled the home, that institution is peculiarly slow to respond to the kindling influence of changed condition. The Chaldeans built of brick for years unnumbered, because clay was their only building material. When they spread into Assyria, where stone was plenty, they continued calmly putting up great palaces of sunbaked brick,—mere adobe,—and each new king left the cracking terraces of his predecessor's pride and built another equally ephemeral. The influence of our ancestors has dominated the home more than it has any other human institution, and the influence of our ancestors is necessarily retroactive.
The gradual evolution of our careful plastering and glazing, our heating techniques, and our choices in carpeting and curtains, follows this path of safety and protection, always influenced by humanity's major obstacle, conservatism. In these practical details, just like in more profound matters, our ability to adapt freely to new conditions is limited by our consistent desire to preserve older customs. These older customs are especially precious to the elderly, and since older people have always had the most control over the home, that very institution tends to be particularly slow to embrace the energizing effects of change. The Chaldeans built with bricks for countless years because clay was their only resource. When they expanded into Assyria, where stone was abundant, they continued to construct magnificent palaces from sun-dried bricks—just adobe—leaving behind the crumbling terraces of their predecessors’ pride, and each new king built yet another temporary structure. The impact of our ancestors has shaped the home more than any other human institution, and this influence from our ancestors is inherently backward-looking.
In the gathering currents of our present-day social evolution, and especially in this country where progress is not feared, this heavy undertow is being somewhat overcome. Things move so rapidly now that one life counts the changes, there is at last a sense of motion in human affairs, and so these healthful processes of change can have free way. The dangers to be met to-day by the home-builder are far different from those of ancient times, and, like most of our troubles, are largely of our own making. Earthquake and tidal wave still govern our choice of place and material somewhat, and climate of course always, but fire is the chief element of danger in our cities, and next to fire the greatest danger in the home is its own dirt.
In today's fast-changing social landscape, especially in this country where progress is embraced, this heavy resistance is gradually being overcome. Things happen so quickly now that one can hardly keep track of the changes; there's finally a sense of movement in human affairs, allowing these positive processes of change to take their course. The challenges faced by today's home-builder are very different from those of ancient times and, like most of our issues, are largely self-created. Earthquakes and tidal waves still influence our choices of location and materials to some extent, and climate will always be a factor, but fire is the primary danger in our cities, and next to fire, the biggest threat in the home is its own dirt.
The savage was dirty in his habits, from our point of view, but he lived in a clean world large enough to hold his little contribution of bones and ashes, and he did not defile his own tent with detritus of any sort. We, in our far larger homes, with our far more elaborate processes of living, and with our ancient system of confining women to the home entirely, have evolved a continuous accumulation of waste matter in the home. The effort temporarily to remove this waste is one of the main lines of domestic industry; the effort to produce it is the other.
The savage had habits that seemed dirty to us, but he lived in a clean world that was big enough to accommodate his small amount of bones and ashes, and he kept his own tent free of any kind of debris. We, in our much larger homes, with our more complicated ways of living, and with our longstanding tradition of keeping women completely confined to the home, have developed a constant buildup of waste in our living spaces. The effort to temporarily get rid of this waste is one of the main aspects of household work; the effort to generate it is the other.
Just as we may watch the course of evolution from a tiny transparent cell, absorbing some contiguous particle of food and eliminating its microscopic residuum of waste, up to the elaborate group of alimentary processes which make up so large a proportion of our complex physiology; so we may watch the evolution of these home processes from the simple gnawing of bones and tossing them in a heap of the cave-dweller, to the ten-course luncheon with its painted menu. In different nations the result varies, each nation assumes its methods to be right, and, so assuming, labours on to meet its supposed needs, to fulfil its local ambitions and duties as it apprehends them. And in no nation does it occur to the inhabitants to measure their habits and customs by the effect on life, health, happiness, and character.
Just like we can observe the evolution of life starting from a tiny transparent cell that absorbs bits of food and gets rid of its microscopic waste, all the way to the complex systems of digestion that form a big part of our intricate physiology; we can also see the development of home cooking from the basic act of gnawing on bones and tossing them into a pile by early humans, to the elaborate ten-course meals with their fancy menus. The outcome varies between different countries, each believing its methods are correct, and driven by those beliefs, they work to satisfy their perceived needs and fulfill their local goals and responsibilities as they see them. In no country does it occur to the people to evaluate their habits and customs based on their impact on life, health, happiness, and character.
The line of comfort may be followed in its growth like the line of safety. At first anything to keep the wind and rain off was comfortable—any snug hole to help retain the heat of the little animal. Then that old ABC of all later luxury, the bed, appeared—something soft between you and the rock—something dry between you and the ground. So on and on, as ease grew exquisite and skill increased, till we robbed the eider duck and stripped the goose to make down-heaps for our tender flesh to lie on, and so to the costly modern mattress. The ground, the stamped clay floor, the floor of brick, of stone, of wood; the rushes and the sand; the rug—a mere hide once and now the woven miracle of years of labour in the East, or gaudy carpet of the West—so runs that line of growth. Always the simple beginning, and its natural development under the laws of progress to more and more refinement and profusion. Always the essential changes that follow changed conditions, and always the downward pull of inviolate home-tradition, to hold back evolution when it could.
The line of comfort can be traced in its development just like the line of safety. Initially, anything that kept the wind and rain away was considered comfortable—any cozy spot that helped retain the heat for the small creature. Then came the fundamental foundation of all future luxury, the bed—something soft between you and the rock—something dry between you and the ground. This continued as ease became more sophisticated and skills advanced, until we plucked the eider duck and stripped the goose to create down-filled bedding for our delicate bodies, leading us to the expensive modern mattress. The ground, the compacted clay floor, the floor made of brick, stone, or wood; the rushes and sand; the rug—a simple hide at first and now a woven masterpiece born from years of labor in the East, or a vibrant carpet of the West—this illustrates that line of evolution. It always starts with a simple beginning and naturally progresses under the principles of advancement into greater and greater refinement and abundance. The essential changes always follow new conditions, while the enduring pull of unchanging home traditions tries to resist evolution whenever possible.
See it in furnishing: A stone or block of wood to sit on, a hide to lie on, a shelf to put the food on. See that block of wood change under your eyes and crawl up history on its forthcoming legs—a stool, a chair, a sofa, a settee, and now the endless ranks of sittable furniture wherewith we fill the home to keep ourselves from the floor withal. And these be-stuffed, be-springed, and upholstered till it would seem as if all humanity were newly whipped. It is much more tiresome to stand than to walk. If you are confined at home you cannot walk much—therefore you must sit—especially if your task be a stationary one. So, to the home-bound woman came much sitting, and much sitting called for ever softer seats, and to the wholly home-bound harem women even sitting is too strenuous; there you find cushions and more cushions and eternal lying down. A long way this from the strong bones, hard muscles, and free movement of the sturdy squaw, and yet a sure product of evolution with certain modifications of religious and social thought.
See it in furniture: A stone or block of wood to sit on, a hide to lie on, a shelf to place the food on. Watch that block of wood change before your eyes and crawl up history on its upcoming legs—a stool, a chair, a sofa, a settee, and now the endless rows of seating furniture that fill our homes to keep us off the floor. And these are stuffed, spring-loaded, and upholstered until it seems like all humanity has just been pampered. It’s much more tiring to stand than to walk. If you're stuck at home, you can’t walk much—so you have to sit—especially if your job requires you to be stationary. Thus, the home-bound woman ended up sitting a lot, which meant she needed ever softer seats, and for the completely home-bound women in harems, even sitting is too much effort; there you find cushions and more cushions and endless lying down. This is a long way from the strong bones, hard muscles, and free movement of the sturdy woman, yet it’s a definite outcome of evolution with certain changes from religious and social beliefs.
Our homes, thanks to other ideas and habits, are not thus ultra-cushioned; our women can still sit up, most of the time, preferring a stuffed chair. And among the more normal working classes, still largely and blessedly predominant, neither the sitting nor the stuffing is so evident. A woman who does the work in an ordinary home seldom sits down, and when she does any chair feels good.
Our homes, influenced by different ideas and habits, aren't so cushy; our women can still sit up most of the time, usually opting for a comfy chair. And among the more typical working-class families, who still make up the majority, neither the seating nor the padding is very obvious. A woman managing the tasks in an average home rarely sits down, and when she does, any chair feels just fine.
In decoration this long and varied evolution is clearly and prominently visible, both in normal growth, in natural excess, and in utterly abnormal variations. So large a field of study is this that it will be given separate consideration in the chapter on Domestic Art.
In decoration, this long and varied evolution is clearly visible, both in its normal development, in natural excess, and in completely abnormal variations. This is such a broad area of study that it will be addressed separately in the chapter on Domestic Art.
What is here sought is simply to give a general impression of the continual flux and growth of the home as an institution, as one under the same laws as those which govern other institutions, and also of the check to that growth resultant from our human characteristic of remembering, recording, and venerating the past. The home, more than any other human phenomenon, is under that heavy check. The home is an incarnate past to us. It is our very oldest thing, and holds the heart more deeply than all others. The conscious thought of the world is always far behind the march of events, it is most so in those departments where we have made definite efforts to keep it at an earlier level, and nowhere, not even in religion, has there been a more distinct, persistent, and universal attempt to maintain the most remote possible status.
What we’re trying to convey here is a general sense of the ongoing change and development of the home as an institution, one that operates under the same principles as other institutions. It also highlights the restriction on that growth caused by our human tendency to remember, document, and honor the past. The home, more than any other human phenomenon, is deeply affected by this restriction. It represents our oldest experiences and holds a more significant place in our hearts than anything else. Our conscious thoughts often lag behind the progression of events, especially in areas where we’ve made intentional efforts to preserve earlier stages, and nowhere is this more evident than in religion, where there have been clear, sustained, and widespread attempts to cling to the most distant past.
"The tendency to vary," that inadequate name for the great centrifugal force which keeps the universe swinging, is manifested most in the male. He is the natural variant, where the female is the natural conservative. By forcibly combining the woman with the home in his mind, and forcibly compelling her to stay there in body, then, conversely, by taking himself out and away as completely as possible, we have turned the expanding lines of social progress away from the home and left the ultra-feminised woman to ultra-conservatism therein. Where this condition is most extreme, as in the Orient, there is least progress; where it is least extreme, as with us, there is the most progress; but even with us, the least evolved of all our institutions is the home. Move it must, somewhat, as part of human life, but the movement has come from without, through the progressive man, and has been sadly retarded in its slow effect on the stationary woman.
"The tendency to vary," which is an inadequate term for the powerful force that keeps the universe in motion, is most evident in men. He is the natural explorer, while the woman tends to be the natural stabilizer. By mentally forcing women into the role of homemaker and physically keeping them there, while the man removes himself as completely as possible, we've redirected the lines of social progress away from the home, leaving an overly feminized woman trapped in extreme conservatism. In places where this situation is most pronounced, like the Orient, there is the least progress; in contrast, where it's less pronounced, as in our society, there is more progress. However, even here, the least developed of all our institutions remains the home. It must evolve, at least to some extent, as part of human life, but this change has been driven from outside, primarily by progressive men, and has unfortunately been slowed down in its impact on the stagnant woman.
This difference in rate of progress may be observed in the physical structure of the home, in its industrial processes, and in the group of concepts most closely associated with it. We have run over, cursorily enough, the physical evolution of the home-structure, yet wide as have been its changes they do not compare with the changes along similar lines in the ultra-domestic world. Moreover, such changes as there are have been introduced by the free man from his place in the more rapidly progressive world outside.
This difference in the pace of progress can be seen in the physical structure of the home, its industrial processes, and the ideas most closely linked to it. We’ve briefly touched on the physical evolution of home structure, but while there have been significant changes, they don’t compare to the transformations happening in the broader domestic world. Additionally, the changes that do exist have been brought in by free individuals from their positions in the more rapidly advancing external world.
The distinctively home-made product changes far less. We see most progress in the physical characteristics of the home, its plan, building, materials, furnishings, and decoration, because all these are part of the world growth outside. We see less progress in such of the home industries as remain to us. It should be always held in mind that the phrase "domestic industry" does not apply to a special kind of work, but to a certain grade of work, a stage of development through which all kinds pass. All industries were once "domestic," that is, were performed at home and in the interests of the family. All industries have since that remote period risen to higher stages, except one or two which are still classed as "domestic," and rightly so, since they are the only industries on earth which have never left their primal stage. This a very large and important phase of the study of the home, and will be given due space later.
The uniquely homemade product changes much less. We see most progress in the physical aspects of the home, such as its layout, construction, materials, furnishings, and decor, because all of these are influenced by external growth. We see less advancement in the remaining home industries. It's important to remember that the term "domestic industry" doesn't refer to a specific type of work, but rather to a certain level of work, a stage of development that all types undergo. All industries were once "domestic," meaning they were done at home and for the family’s benefit. Since that distant time, all industries have moved to higher stages, except for one or two that are still categorized as "domestic," and rightly so, as they remain in their original form. This is a significant and substantial area of studying the home, and it will be given the necessary attention later.
Least of all do we see progress in the home ideas. The home has changed much in physical structure, in spite of itself. It has changed somewhat in its functions, also in spite of itself. But it has changed very little—painfully little—dangerously little, in its governing concepts. Naturally ideas change with facts, but if ideas are held to be sacred and immovable, the facts slide out from under and go on growing because they must, while the ideas lag further and further behind. We once held that the earth was flat. This was our concept and governed our actions. In time, owing to a widening field of action on the one hand, and a growth of the human brain on the other, we ascertained the fact that the earth was round. See the larger thought of Columbus driving him westward, while the governing concepts of the sailors, proving too strong for him, dragged him back. Then, gradually, with some difficulty, the idea followed the fact, and has since penetrated to all minds in civilised countries. But the flatness of the earth was not an essential religious concept, though it was clung to strongly by the inert religion of the time; nor was it a domestic concept, something still more inert. If it had been, it would have taken far longer to make the change.
Least of all do we see progress in home ideas. The home has changed a lot in physical structure, despite itself. It has changed somewhat in its functions, also despite itself. But it has changed very little—painfully little—dangerously little, in its governing concepts. Naturally, ideas change with facts, but if ideas are held to be sacred and unchangeable, the facts slip away and continue to grow because they must, while the ideas lag further behind. We once believed that the earth was flat. This was our concept and guided our actions. Over time, due to a broader range of actions on one hand and an expansion of human thought on the other, we found out that the earth was round. Consider Columbus's larger vision pushing him westward, while the sailors' governing concepts, too strong for him, pulled him back. Then, gradually and with some difficulty, the idea followed the fact and has since been accepted by all minds in civilized countries. However, the belief in a flat earth was not an essential religious concept, even though it was strongly upheld by the stagnant religion of the time; nor was it a domestic concept, which is even more stagnant. If it had been, it would have taken much longer to make the change.
What progress has been made in our domestic concepts? The oldest,—the pre-human,—shelter, safety, comfort, quiet, and mother love, are still with us, still crude and limited. Then follow gradually later sentiments of sanctity, privacy, and sex-seclusion; and still later, some elements of personal convenience and personal expression. How do these stand as compared with the facts? Our safety is really insured by social law and order, not by any system of home defence. Against the real dangers of modern life the home is no safeguard. It is as open to criminal attack as any public building, yes, more. A public building is more easily and effectively watched and guarded than our private homes. Sewer gas invades the home; microbes, destructive insects, all diseases invade it also; so far as civilised life is open to danger, the home is defenceless. So far as the home is protected it is through social progress—through public sanitation enforced by law and the public guardians of the peace. If we would but shake off the primitive limitations of these old concepts, cease to imagine the home to be a safe place, and apply our ideas of shelter, safety, comfort, and quiet to the City and State, we should then be able to ensure their fulfilment in our private homes far more fully.
What progress have we made in our ideas about home? The oldest ones—shelter, safety, comfort, quiet, and motherly love—are still with us, but they're still pretty basic and limited. Then there are later feelings about sanctity, privacy, and sexual boundaries; and after that, some aspects of personal convenience and self-expression. How do these compare to reality? Our safety really comes from social laws and order, not from any home defense systems. When it comes to the real dangers of modern life, the home doesn't offer much protection. It's as vulnerable to criminal attacks as any public building, maybe even more so. A public building can be more easily and effectively monitored and protected than our private homes. Sewer gas can intrude into our homes; germs, harmful insects, and all kinds of diseases can too; in terms of exposed civil life, homes are practically defenseless. The home is only protected thanks to social progress—through public sanitation enforced by law and the guardians of public safety. If we could just move beyond the primitive limitations of these old ideas, stop thinking of the home as a safe space, and apply our concepts of shelter, safety, comfort, and quiet to the city and state, we could ensure those conditions in our private homes much more effectively.
The mother-love concept suffers even more from its limitations. As a matter of fact our children are far more fully guarded, provided for, and educated, by social efforts than by domestic; compare the children of a nation with a system of public education with children having only domestic education; or children safeguarded by public law and order with children having only domestic protection. The home-love and care of the Armenians for their children is no doubt as genuine and strong as ours, but the public care is not strong and well organised, hence the little Armenians are open to massacre as little Americans are not. Our children are largely benefited by the public, and would be much more so if the domestic concept did not act too strongly in limiting mother love to so narrow a field of action.
The idea of motherly love has its limits. In reality, our kids are much better protected, supported, and educated by societal efforts than by just what happens at home. Just look at children in a country with a public education system compared to those who only receive education at home, or kids who are safeguarded by public laws and order versus those who only rely on home protection. The love and care that Armenian parents have for their children is certainly as real and strong as ours, but their public support isn’t as solid or well-organized. Because of this, Armenian children are more vulnerable to violence than American children. Our kids benefit a lot from public resources, and they would benefit even more if the concept of motherly love didn’t limit itself to such a narrow scope of action.
The later sentiments of sanctity and the others have moved a little, but not much. Why it is more sacred to make a coat at home than to buy it of a tailor, to kill a cow at home than to buy it of a butcher, to cook a pie at home than to buy it of a baker, or to teach a child at home than to have it taught by a teacher, is not made clear to us, but the lingering weight of those ages of ancestor-worship, of real sacrifice and libation at a real altar, is still heavy in our minds. We still by race-habit regard the home as sacred, and cheerfully profane our halls of justice and marts of trade, as if social service were not at least as high a thing as domestic service. This sense of sanctity is a good thing, but it should grow, it should evolve along natural lines till it includes all human functions, not be forever confined to its cradle, the home.
The later feelings of sanctity and others have shifted a bit, but not significantly. Why is it considered more sacred to make a coat at home than to buy one from a tailor, to kill a cow at home than to purchase it from a butcher, to cook a pie at home than to buy it from a baker, or to teach a child at home than to have it taught by a teacher? This isn’t clearly explained to us, but the lingering influence of those ages of ancestor-worship, of real sacrifices and offerings at a real altar, still weighs heavily on our minds. We still habitually view the home as sacred, while we easily disregard our courts and marketplaces, as if social service isn’t at least as important as home service. This sense of sanctity is valuable, but it should grow and evolve in a natural way until it encompasses all human functions, rather than being forever limited to its origin, the home.
The concept of sex-seclusion is, with us, rapidly passing away. Our millions of wage-earning women are leading us, by the irresistible force of accomplished fact, to recognise the feminine as part of the world around us, not as a purely domestic element. The foot-binding process in China is but an extreme expression of this old domestic concept, the veiling process another. We are steadily leaving them all behind, and an American man feels no jar to his sexuo-domestic sentiments in meeting a woman walking freely in the street or working in the shops.
The idea of keeping women secluded is quickly fading away. Our millions of working women are leading us, through undeniable changes in society, to acknowledge that women are an integral part of the world around us, not just domestic figures. The practice of foot-binding in China is just an extreme example of this outdated domestic viewpoint, and veiling represents another. We are steadily moving past these old notions, and an American man doesn't feel any discomfort in his gender-related views when he sees a woman walking freely in the street or working in stores.
The latest of our home-ideas, personal convenience and expression, are themselves resultant from larger development of personality, and lead out necessarily. The accumulating power of individuality developed in large social processes by the male, is inherited by the female; she, still confined to the home, begins to fill and overfill it with the effort at individual expression, and must sooner or later come out to find the only normal field for highly specialised human power—the world.
The latest trends in our homes, personal comfort, and self-expression come from a broader growth of personality, which naturally leads outward. The growing strength of individuality, shaped by broader social processes driven by men, is inherited by women. While still largely tied to the home, women start to fill it—and often exceed its limits—with their need for self-expression. Eventually, they will seek out the only suitable space for highly specialized human capability—the world.
Thus we may be encouraged in our study of domestic evolution. The forces and sentiments originating in the home have long since worked out to large social processes. We have gone far on our way toward making the world our home. What most impedes our further progress is the persistent retention of certain lines of industry within domestic limits, and the still more persistent retention of certain lines of home feelings and ideas. Even here, in the deepest, oldest, darkest, slowest place in all man's mind, the light of science, the stir of progress, is penetrating. The world does move—and so does the home.
So we can feel motivated in our study of domestic evolution. The forces and feelings that come from home have long contributed to larger social processes. We have made significant strides in transforming the world into our home. What primarily slows our further progress is the ongoing limitation of certain industries within the home and the even stronger hold of specific home feelings and ideas. Even in the deepest, oldest, darkest, and slowest parts of the human mind, the light of science and the momentum of progress are breaking through. The world is moving—and so is the home.
III
Home Myths
There is a school of myths connected with the home, more tenacious in their hold on the popular mind than even religious beliefs. Of all current superstitions none are deeper rooted, none so sensitive to the touch, so acutely painful in removal. We have lived to see nations outgrow some early beliefs, but others are still left us to study, in their long slow processes of decay. Belief in "the divine right of kings," for instance, is practically outgrown in America; and yet, given a king,—or even a king's brother,—and we show how much of the feeling remains in our minds, disclaim as we may the idea. Habits of thought persist through the centuries; and while a healthy brain may reject the doctrine it no longer believes, it will continue to feel the same sentiments formerly associated with that doctrine.
There’s a set of myths connected to the home that are more strongly held in people’s minds than even religious beliefs. None of today’s superstitions are more deeply rooted or more sensitive to challenge than these. We’ve watched nations outgrow some old beliefs, but others still remain for us to examine as they slowly fade away. Take the belief in “the divine right of kings,” for example; that’s pretty much gone in America. Yet, if presented with a king—or even a king’s brother—we can see how much of that sentiment lingers in our minds, no matter how much we try to deny it. Thought patterns endure through the ages; and while a healthy mind may reject beliefs it no longer holds, it will still carry the same feelings that were once tied to those beliefs.
Wherever the pouring stream of social progress has had little influence,—in remote rural regions, hidden valleys, and neglected coasts,—we find still in active force some of the earliest myths. They may change their names as new religions take the place of old, Santa Claus and St. Valentine holding sway in place of forgotten deities of dim antiquity, but the festival or custom embodied is the same that was enjoyed by those most primitive ancestors. Of all hidden valleys none has so successfully avoided discovery as the Home. Church and State might change as they would—as they must; science changed, art changed, business changed, all human functions changed and grew save those of the home. Every man's home was his castle, and there he maintained as far as possible the facts and fancies of the place, unaltered from century to century.
Wherever the ongoing flow of social progress has had little impact—out in remote rural areas, hidden valleys, and overlooked coasts—we still find some of the earliest myths actively alive. They may take on new names as new religions replace the old ones, with Santa Claus and St. Valentine dominating in place of forgotten deities from ancient times, but the festivals or customs remain the same ones that our most primitive ancestors enjoyed. Of all hidden valleys, none has managed to dodge discovery as well as the Home. Church and State may change as they need to; science has evolved, art has evolved, business has evolved—everything about human activities has changed and developed except for those related to the home. Every person's home was their castle, and there they kept, as much as possible, the traditions and beliefs of that place, unchanged from century to century.
The facts have been too many for him. The domestic hearth, with its undying flame, has given way to the gilded pipes of the steam heater and the flickering evanescence of the gas range. But the sentiment about the domestic hearth is still in play. The original necessity for the ceaseless presence of the woman to maintain that altar fire—and it was an altar fire in very truth at one period—has passed with the means of prompt ignition; the matchbox has freed the housewife from that incessant service, but the feeling that women should stay at home is with us yet.
The facts have been overwhelming for him. The home fire, with its constant warmth, has been replaced by shiny steam heaters and the flickering gas stove. But the sentiment about the home fire still lingers. The original need for women to be constantly present to keep that fire alive—and it truly was a sacred fire at one time—has faded with the invention of matches; the matchbox has liberated housewives from that never-ending duty, but the feeling that women should stay at home is still very much alive.
The time when all men were enemies, when out-of-doors was one promiscuous battlefield, when home, well fortified, was the only place on earth where a man could rest in peace, is past, long past. But the feeling that home is more secure and protective than anywhere else is not outgrown.
The time when all men were enemies, when the outdoors was one big battlefield, and when home, well fortified, was the only place on earth where a man could find peace, is gone, long gone. But the feeling that home is more secure and protective than anywhere else hasn't faded.
So we have quite a list of traditional sentiments connected with home life well worth our study; not only for their interest as archaeological relics, but because of their positive injury to the life of to-day, and in the hope that a fuller knowledge will lead to sturdy action. So far we have but received and transmitted this group of myths, handed down from the dim past; we continue to hand them down in the original package, never looking to see if they are so; if we, with our twentieth-century brains really believe them.
So, we have a long list of traditional beliefs related to home life that are definitely worth examining, not just because they’re interesting historical artifacts, but also because they can negatively impact our lives today. Our hope is that a deeper understanding will inspire meaningful action. Up until now, we’ve only received and passed on this collection of myths, passed down from a distant past; we continue to share them in their original form, without ever questioning if they are true or if we, with our modern perspectives, actually believe them.
A resentful shiver runs through the reader at the suggestion of such an examination. "What! Scrutinise the home, that sacred institution, and even question it? Sacrilegious!" This very feeling proves the frail and threadbare condition of this group of ideas. Good healthy young ideas can meet daylight and be handled, but very old and feeble ones, that have not been touched for centuries, naturally dread inspection, and no wonder—they seldom survive it.
A resentful shiver runs through the reader at the suggestion of such an examination. "What! Scrutinize the home, that sacred institution, and even question it? That's sacrilegious!" This very feeling proves the fragile and worn-out condition of this group of ideas. Healthy young ideas can face the light of day and be examined, but very old and weak ones, which haven't been challenged for centuries, naturally fear scrutiny, and it's no surprise—they rarely survive it.
Let us begin with one especially dominant domestic myth, that fondly cherished popular idea—"the privacy of the home." In the home who has any privacy? Privacy means the decent seclusion of the individual, the right to do what one likes unwatched, uncriticised, unhindered. Neither father, mother, nor child has this right at home. The young man setting up in "chambers," the young woman in college room or studio, at last they realise what privacy is, at last they have the right to be alone. The home does provide some privacy for the family as a lump—but it remains a lump—there is no privacy for the individual. When homes and families began this was enough, people were simple, unspecialised, their tastes and wishes were similar; it is not enough to-day.
Let’s start with one especially powerful domestic myth, that beloved idea—“the privacy of the home.” Who really has privacy at home? Privacy means the respectful seclusion of an individual, the right to do what one wants without being watched, criticized, or hindered. Neither father, mother, nor child has this right at home. The young man moving into “chambers,” the young woman in a college room or studio, they finally understand what privacy is; they finally have the right to be alone. The home offers some privacy for the family as a whole—but it remains just that—a whole; there’s no privacy for the individual. When homes and families were first established, this was enough; people were simple, undifferentiated, and their tastes and desires were similar. Today, it’s not enough.
The progressive socialisation of humanity develops individuals; and this ever-increasing individuality suffers cruelly in the crude familiarity of home life. There sits the family, all ages, both sexes, as many characters as persons; and every budding expression, thought, feeling, or action has to run the gauntlet of the crowd. Suppose any member is sufficiently strong to insist on a place apart, on doing things alone and without giving information thereof to the others—is this easy in the home? Is this relished by the family?
The ongoing social development of humanity shapes individuals, and this growing individuality is often stifled by the harsh familiarity of home life. There sits the family, with all ages, both genders, and as many personalities as there are people; every emerging expression, thought, feeling, or action has to navigate through the crowd. If any member is strong enough to insist on having their own space, to do things alone without informing the others— is this easy at home? Is this accepted by the family?
The father, being the economic base of the whole structure, has most power in this direction; but in ninety-nine cases in a hundred he has taken his place and his work outside. In the one hundredth case, where some artist, author, or clergyman has to do his work at home—what is his opinion then of the privacy of that sacred place?
The father, as the financial foundation of the entire system, holds the most power in this area; however, in ninety-nine out of a hundred cases, he has assumed his role and responsibilities away from home. In that rare one hundredth case, where an artist, writer, or clergyman has to perform his work at home—what does he think about the sanctity of that private space?
The artist flees to a studio apart, if possible; the author builds him a "den" in his garden, if he can afford it; the clergyman strives mightily to keep "the study" to himself, but even so the family, used to herding, finds it hard to respect anybody's privacy, and resents it.
The artist escapes to a separate studio, if he can; the author creates a "den" in his garden, if he can afford it; the clergyman works hard to keep "the study" to himself, but even so, the family, used to being together, has a tough time respecting anyone's privacy and feels resentful about it.
The mother—poor invaded soul—finds even the bathroom door no bar to hammering little hands. From parlour to kitchen, from cellar to garret, she is at the mercy of children, servants, tradesmen, and callers. So chased and trodden is she that the very idea of privacy is lost to her mind; she never had any, she doesn't know what it is, and she cannot understand why her husband should wish to have any "reserves," any place or time, any thought or feeling, with which she may not make free.
The mother—poor invaded soul—finds that even the bathroom door offers no barrier to pounding little hands. From the living room to the kitchen, from the basement to the attic, she is at the mercy of children, servants, delivery people, and visitors. So worn out and overwhelmed is she that the very idea of privacy is completely foreign to her; she has never had it, doesn't know what it is, and cannot understand why her husband would want to have any "reserves," any space or time, any thoughts or feelings, that she can’t just take over.
The children, if possible, have less even than the mother. Under the close, hot focus of loving eyes, every act magnified out of all natural proportion by the close range, the child soul begins to grow. Noticed, studied, commented on, and incessantly interfered with; forced into miserable self-consciousness by this unremitting glare; our little ones grow up permanently injured in character by this lack of one of humanity's most precious rights—privacy.
The kids often have less than their mother. Under the intense, warm gaze of loving eyes, every action is blown out of proportion by the close observation, and the child's spirit starts to develop. Always being noticed, analyzed, commented on, and constantly interrupted; made painfully self-conscious by this relentless scrutiny; our little ones grow up with lasting damage to their character due to the absence of one of humanity's most valuable rights—privacy.
The usual result, and perhaps the healthiest, is that bickering which is so distinctive a feature of family life. The effect varies. Sore from too much rubbing, there is a state of chronic irritability in the more sensitive; callous from too much rubbing there is a state of chronic indifference in the more hardy; and indignities are possible, yes, common, in family life which would shock and break the bonds of friendship or of love, and which would be simply inconceivable among polite acquaintances.
The typical outcome, and probably the healthiest one, is the arguing that is such a characteristic part of family life. The impact can differ. Those who are more sensitive may experience a constant state of irritation from too much friction, while those who are more resilient may become callous and develop a lasting indifference. There are insults in family life that would shock anyone and destroy friendships or romantic connections, and that would be completely unthinkable among polite acquaintances.
Another result, pleasanter to look at, but deeply injurious to the soul, is the affectionate dominance of the strongest member of the family; the more or less complete subservience of the others. Here is peace at least; but here lives are warped and stunted forever by the too constant pressure, close and heavy, surrounding them from infancy.
Another outcome, more pleasing to see but harmful to the soul, is the loving control of the strongest family member over the others, who are often completely submissive. There may be peace here, but lives are permanently distorted and restricted by the constant, intense pressure that has surrounded them since childhood.
The home, as we know it, does not furnish privacy to the individual, rich or poor. With the poor there is such crowding as renders it impossible; and with the rich there is another factor so absolutely prohibitive of privacy that the phrase becomes a laughing-stock.
The home, as we know it today, doesn't provide privacy to anyone, whether they are rich or poor. For the poor, the overcrowding makes it impossible; for the rich, there's another factor that makes privacy virtually impossible, turning the idea into a joke.
Private?—a place private where we admit to the most intimate personal association an absolute stranger; or more than one? Strangers by birth, by class, by race, by education—as utterly alien as it is possible to conceive—these we introduce in our homes—in our very bedchambers; in knowledge of all the daily habits of our lives—and then we talk of privacy! Moreover, these persons can talk. As they are not encouraged to talk to us, they talk the more among themselves; talk fluently, freely, in reaction from the enforced repression of "their place," and, with perhaps a tinge of natural bitterness, revenging small slights by large comment. With servants living in our homes by day and night, confronted with our strange customs and new ideas, having our family affairs always before them, and having nothing else in their occupation to offset this interest, we find in this arrangement of life a condition as far removed from privacy as could be imagined.
Private?—a secluded spot where we welcome complete strangers into our most personal spaces; or more than one? Strangers by birth, by class, by race, by education—completely alien in every way imaginable—we invite them into our homes—in our very bedrooms; with full knowledge of our daily routines—and then we talk about privacy! Furthermore, these individuals can converse. Since they aren't encouraged to speak to us, they engage more among themselves; they chat fluently, openly, as a reaction to the enforced silence of "their place," and perhaps with a hint of natural bitterness, they retaliate against small slights with big comments. With staff living in our homes day and night, exposed to our odd customs and new ideas, constantly aware of our family matters, and having nothing else to focus on besides this, we discover that this lifestyle is as far from privacy as one could imagine.
Consider it further: The average servant is an ignorant young woman. Ignorant young women are proverbially curious, or old ones. This is not because of their being women, but because of their being ignorant. A well-cultivated mind has matter of its own to contemplate, and mental processes of absorbing interest. An uncultivated mind is comparatively empty and prone to unguarded gossip; its processes are crude and weak, the main faculty being an absorbing appetite for events—the raw material for the thoughts it cannot think. Hence the fondness of the servant class for "penny dreadfuls"—its preferred food is highly seasoned incident of a wholly personal nature. This is the kind of mind to which we offer the close and constant inspection of our family life. This is the kind of tongue which pours forth description and comment in a subdomiciliary stream. This is the always-open avenue of information for lover and enemy, spy and priest, as all history and literature exhibit; and to-day for the reporter—worse than all four.
Think about it: The average servant is an uninformed young woman. Uninformed young women are typically curious, as are older ones. This isn't due to their being women, but because they lack knowledge. A well-educated mind has its own ideas to think about and interesting things to process. An uneducated mind is relatively empty and tends to engage in careless gossip; its thoughts are basic and weak, primarily driven by a strong craving for events—the raw material for the ideas it can't formulate. This explains the servant class's love for "penny dreadfuls"—their preferred entertainment is filled with highly sensational, personal stories. This is the type of mind to which we expose our family life for constant scrutiny. This is the kind of talk that spills over with descriptions and opinions in a continuous flow. This is the always-open channel of information for lovers and enemies, spies and clergy, as all history and literature show; and today, for reporters—worse than all four.
In simple communities the women of the household, but little above the grade of servant in mind, freely gossip with their maids. In those more sophisticated we see less of this free current of exchange, but it is there none the less, between maid and maid, illimitable. Does not this prove that our ideas of privacy are somewhat crude—and that they are kept crude—must remain crude so long as the home is thus vulgarly invaded by low-class strangers? May we not hope for some development of home life by which we may outgrow forever these coarse old customs, and learn a true refinement which keeps inviolate the privacy of both soul and body in the home?
In simple communities, the women of the household, not much more than servants in mindset, easily chat with their maids. In more sophisticated settings, we see less of this open exchange, but it's still present between maids—a constant flow. Doesn’t this show that our ideas of privacy are pretty basic—and that they stay basic—must remain basic as long as the home is intruded upon by lower-class outsiders? Can we hope for some evolution in home life that allows us to move past these outdated customs and embrace a true refinement that protects the privacy of both our minds and bodies within the home?
One other, yes, two other avenues of publicity are open upon this supposed seclusion. We have seen that the privacy of the mother is at the mercy of four sets of invaders: children, servants, tradesmen, and callers. The tradesmen, in a city flat, are kept at a pleasing distance by the dumb-waiter and speaking tube; and, among rich households everywhere, the telephone is a defence. But, even at such long range, the stillness and peace of the home, the chance to do quiet continued work of any sort, are at the mercy of jarring electric bell or piercing whistle. One of the joys of the country vacation is the escape from just these things; the constant calls on time and attention, the interruption of whatever one seeks to do, by these mercantile demands against which the home offers no protection.
One other, yes, two other ways to get attention are available in this supposed privacy. We’ve seen that the mother’s peace is at the mercy of four types of intruders: children, servants, delivery people, and visitors. In a city apartment, delivery people are kept at a comfortable distance by the dumbwaiter and intercom; and in wealthy households everywhere, the telephone serves as a barrier. But even from a distance, the tranquility and peace of home, and the chance to work quietly on anything, are vulnerable to annoying doorbells or loud whistles. One of the pleasures of a country vacation is escaping from precisely these interruptions: the constant demands on time and attention, the disruption of whatever one is trying to accomplish due to these commercial pressures that home offers no defense against.
In less favoured situations, in the great majority of comfortable homes, the invader gets far closer. "The lady of the house" is demanded, and must come forth. The front door opens, the back door yawns, the maid pursues her with the calls of tradesmen, regular and irregular; from the daily butcher to the unescapable agent with a visiting card. Of course we resist this as best we may with a bulwark of trained servants. That is one of the main uses of servants—to offer some protection to the inmates of this so private place, the home!
In less favorable situations, in the vast majority of comfortable homes, the intruder gets much closer. "The lady of the house" is called for, and she must come out. The front door opens, the back door swings wide, and the maid chases after her with calls from all sorts of tradespeople, both regular and irregular; from the daily butcher to the unavoidable agent with a business card. Of course, we try to resist this as best we can with a barrier of trained staff. That’s one of the main purposes of having servants—to provide some protection for the people in this deeply private space, the home!
Then comes the fourth class—callers. A whole series of revelations as to privacy comes here; a list so long and deep as to tempt a whole new chapter on that one theme. Here it can be but touched on, just a mention of the most salient points.
Then comes the fourth group—callers. This brings a whole range of insights about privacy; the list is so extensive and detailed that it could warrant an entire chapter devoted to that topic. Here, we can only touch on it, just mentioning the most important points.
First there is the bulwark aforesaid, the servant, trained to protect a place called private from the entrance of a class of persons privileged to come in. To hold up the hands of the servant comes the lie; the common social lie, so palpable that it has no moral value to most of us—"Not at home!"
First, there’s the aforementioned barrier, the servant, trained to guard a place known as private from the entry of a group of people allowed to come in. To support the servant comes the lie; the common social lie, so obvious that it lacks any moral value to most of us—“Not at home!”
The home is private. Therefore, to be in private, you must claim to be out of it!
The home is private. So, to be private, you have to pretend you’re not!
Back of this comes a whole series of intrenchments—the reception room, to delay the attack while the occupant hastily assumes defensive armour; the parlour or drawing room, wherein we may hold the enemy in play, cover the retreat of non-combatants, and keep some inner chambers still reserved; the armour above mentioned—costume and manner, not for the home and its inmates, but meant to keep the observer from forming an opinion as to the real home life; and then all the weapons crudely described in rural regions as "company manners," our whole system of defence and attack; by which we strive, and strive ever in vain, to maintain our filmy fiction of the privacy of the home.
Behind this is a whole series of defenses—the reception area, meant to slow down the attack while the resident quickly puts on their protective gear; the living room, where we can engage the intruder, cover the escape of non-combatants, and keep some private spaces still off-limits; the protective gear mentioned earlier—appearance and behavior, not for the household and its members, but intended to stop the observer from getting a true sense of our home life; and then all the superficial behaviors colloquially known as "company manners," our entire strategy of defense and offense; through which we continually fail to uphold our fragile illusion of the privacy of home.
The sanctity of the home is another dominant domestic myth. That we should revere the processes of nature as being the laws of God is good; a healthy attitude of mind. But why revere some more than others, and the lower more than the higher?
The sanctity of the home is another strong domestic myth. It’s good to respect the natural processes as laws set by God; it’s a positive mindset. But why should we honor some processes more than others, and prioritize the lower over the higher?
The home, as our oldest institution, is necessarily our lowest, it came first, before we were equal to any higher manifestation. The home processes are those which maintain the individual in health and comfort, or are intended to; and those which reproduce the individual. These are vital processes, healthy, natural, indispensable, but why sacred? To eat, to sleep, to breathe, to dress, to rest and amuse one's self—these are good and useful deeds; but are they more hallowed than others?
The home, being our oldest institution, is also our most basic one; it came before we were ready for anything more advanced. The activities at home are those that keep us healthy and comfortable, or at least aim to do so, and those that allow us to bring new life into the world. These are essential processes—healthy, natural, and necessary—but why are they considered sacred? Eating, sleeping, breathing, dressing, resting, and having fun—these are all good and practical actions; but are they any more holy than others?
Then the shocked home-worshipper protests that it is not these physical and personal functions which he holds in reverence, but "the sacred duties of maternity," and "all those precious emotions which centre in the home."
Then the shocked home-worshipper argues that it's not these physical and personal aspects that he reveres, but "the sacred duties of motherhood," and "all those precious feelings that revolve around the home."
Let us examine this view; but, first let us examine the sense of sanctity itself—see what part it holds in our psychology. In the first dawn of these emotions of reverence and sanctity, while man was yet a savage, the priest-craft of the day forced upon the growing racial mind a sense of darkness and mystery, a system of "tabu"—of "that which is forbidden." In China still, as term of high respect, the imperial seat of government is called "the Forbidden City." To the dim thick early mind, reverence was confounded with mystery and restriction.
Let’s explore this perspective; but first, let’s look at the idea of sanctity itself—let’s see what role it plays in our psychology. In the early days of these feelings of reverence and sanctity, when humans were still primitive, the religious leaders of the time imposed on the developing collective consciousness a sense of darkness and mystery, a system of "taboo"—of "that which is off-limits." In China, even now, as a term of great respect, the imperial government complex is referred to as "the Forbidden City." To the early, confused mind, reverence was mixed up with mystery and limitation.
Today, in ever-growing light, with microscope and telescope and Röntgen ray, we are learning the true reverence that follows knowledge, and outgrowing that which rests on ignorance.
Today, in increasing clarity, with microscopes, telescopes, and X-rays, we are discovering the genuine respect that comes with knowledge, and leaving behind what relies on ignorance.
The savage reveres a thing because he cannot understand it—we revere because we can understand.
The primitive respects something because he can't comprehend it—we respect it because we can understand it.
The ancient sacred must be covered up; to honour king or god you must shut your eyes, hide your face, fall prostrate.
The ancient sacred must be hidden; to honor a king or god, you must close your eyes, conceal your face, and bow down.
The modern sacred must be shown and known of all, and honoured by understanding and observance.
The modern sacred should be recognized and acknowledged by everyone, and respected through understanding and practice.
Let not our sense of sanctity shrink so sensitively from the searcher; if the home is really sacred, it can bear the light. So now for these "sacred processes of reproduction." (Protest. "We did not say 'reproduction,' we said 'maternity!'") And what is maternity but one of nature's processes of reproduction? Maternity and paternity and the sweet conscious duties and pleasures of human child-rearing are only more sacred than reproduction by fission, by parthenogenesis, by any other primitive device, because they are later in the course of evolution, so higher in the true measure of growth; and for that very reason education, the social function of child-rearing, is higher than maternity; later, more developed, more valuable, and so more sacred. Maternity is common to all animals—but we do not hold it sacred, in them. We have stultified motherhood most brutally in two of our main food products—milk and eggs—exploiting this function remorselessly to our own appetites.
Let’s not let our sense of sanctity shrink back from those who seek the truth; if home is truly sacred, it can handle the light. So now, about these “sacred processes of reproduction.” (Protest. “We didn’t say ‘reproduction,’ we said ‘maternity!’”) And what is maternity if not one of nature’s ways of reproducing? Maternity and paternity, along with the sweet, conscious responsibilities and joys of raising children, are only considered more sacred than reproduction by fission, parthenogenesis, or any other basic method because they are further along in our evolutionary journey, thus more advanced in the true measure of growth; for this reason, education—the social aspect of raising children—is even more significant than maternity; it’s later, more developed, more valuable, and therefore more sacred. Maternity is something all animals experience—but we don’t regard it as sacred in them. We have brutally undermined motherhood in two of our primary food products—milk and eggs—using this function ruthlessly to satisfy our own cravings.
In humanity, in some places and classes we do hold it sacred, however. Why? "Because it is the highest, sweetest, best thing we know!" will be eagerly answered. Is it—really? Is it better than Liberty, better than Justice, better than Art, Government, Science, Industry, Religion? How can that function which is common to savage, barbarian, peasant, to all kinds and classes, low and high, be nobler, sweeter, better, than those late-come, hard-won, slowly developed processes which make men greater, wiser, kinder, stronger from age to age?
In humanity, in some places and among certain groups, we do consider it sacred, though. Why? "Because it's the most important, sweetest, best thing we know!" is what people will enthusiastically respond. Is it—really? Is it better than Freedom, better than Justice, better than Art, Government, Science, Industry, Religion? How can something that is common to savages, barbarians, and peasants, to all kinds and classes, both low and high, be nobler, sweeter, or better than those late-arriving, hard-earned, slowly developed processes that make people greater, wiser, kinder, and stronger over time?
The "sacred duties of maternity" reproduce the race, but they do nothing to improve it.
The "sacred duties of motherhood" continue the population, but they don't do anything to enhance it.
Is it not more sacred to teach right conduct for instance, as a true preacher does, than to feed one's own child as does the squaw? Grant that both are sacred—that all right processes are sacred—is not the relative sanctity up and out along the line of man's improvement?
Isn't it more important to teach good behavior, like a true preacher does, than to just feed your own child, like the squaw does? Let's assume both are important—everyone agrees that all good actions are valuable—doesn't the importance of each increase as humanity improves?
Do we hold a wigwam more sacred than a beast's lair and less sacred than a modern home? If so, why? Do we hold an intelligent, capable mother more sacred than an ignorant, feeble one? Where are the limits and tendencies of these emotions?
Do we consider a wigwam more sacred than an animal's den and less sacred than a modern home? If that's the case, why? Do we regard a smart, capable mother as more sacred than an uneducated, weak one? Where do the boundaries and inclinations of these feelings lie?
The main basis of this home-sanctity idea is simply the historic record of our ancient religion of ancestor-worship. The home was once used as a church, as it yet is in China; and the odour of sanctity hangs round it still. The other basis is the equally old custom of sex-seclusion—the harem idea. This gives the feeling of mystery and "tabu," of "the forbidden"—a place shut and darkened—wholly private. A good, clean, healthy, modern home, with free people living and loving in it, is no more sacred than a schoolhouse. The schoolhouse represents a larger love, a higher function, a farther development for humanity. Let us revere, let us worship, but erect and open-eyed, the highest, not the lowest; the future, not the past!
The main foundation of this idea of home being sacred is rooted in the historical practice of ancestor worship. The home used to serve as a church, as it still does in China, and it carries a lingering sense of sanctity. Another important factor is the ancient custom of sexual seclusion—the concept of a harem. This creates a feeling of mystery and taboo, of something forbidden—a space that is closed off and shrouded in darkness—wholly private. A clean, healthy, modern home, where free individuals live and love, isn’t any more sacred than a schoolhouse. The schoolhouse embodies a broader love, a greater purpose, a more advanced development for humanity. Let us honor and celebrate, but with our eyes wide open, aiming for the highest, not the lowest; the future, not the past!
Closely allied to our sense of home-sanctity and sprung from the same root, is our veneration for the old; either people or things; the "home of our ancestors" being if anything more sacred than our own, and the pot or plate or fiddle-back chair acquiring imputed sanctity by the simple flux of time. What time has to do with sanctity is not at first clear. Perhaps it is our natural respect for endurance. This thing has lasted, therefore it must be good; the longer it lasts the better it must be, let us revere it!
Closely linked to our sense of the sacredness of home and coming from the same source is our respect for the old; whether it's people or objects; the "home of our ancestors" is even more sacred than our own, and things like a pot, plate, or fiddle-back chair gain a certain holiness simply due to the passage of time. What time has to do with holiness isn't immediately obvious. Maybe it's our natural respect for things that endure. This thing has lasted, so it must be valuable; the longer it lasts, the more we should honor it!
If this is a legitimate principle, let us hold pilgrimages to the primordial rocks, they have lasted longer than anything else, except sea water. Let us frankly worship the sun—or the still remoter dog-star. Let us revere the gar-fish above the shad—the hedgehog more than the cow—the tapir beyond the horse—they are all earlier types and yet endure!
If this is a real principle, let's take pilgrimages to the ancient rocks; they have lasted longer than anything else, except for ocean water. Let's openly worship the sun—or even the more distant dog star. Let's honor the gar fish over the shad—the hedgehog more than the cow—the tapir over the horse—they're all earlier forms and yet still exist!
Still more practically let us turn our veneration to the tools, vehicles, and implements which preceded ours—the arrow-head above the bullet, the bone-needle above the sewing machine, the hour-glass above the clock!
Still more practically let us turn our respect to the tools, vehicles, and implements that came before ours—the arrowhead before the bullet, the bone needle before the sewing machine, the hourglass before the clock!
There is no genuine reason for this attitude. It is merely a race habit, handed down to us from very remote times and founded on the misconceptions of the ignorant early mind. The scientific attitude of mind is veneration of all the laws of nature, or works of God, as you choose to call them. If we must choose and distinguish, respecting this more than that, let us at least distinguish on right lines. The claim of any material object upon our respect is the degree of its use and beauty. A weak, clumsy, crooked tool acquires no sanctity from the handling of a dozen grandfathers; a good, strong, accurate one is as worthy of respect if made to-day. It is quite possible to the mind of man to worship idols, but it is not good for him.
There’s no real reason for this attitude. It’s just an old habit, passed down from long ago and rooted in the misunderstandings of ignorant minds. A scientific mindset respects all the laws of nature, or the works of God, depending on how you look at it. If we need to choose and differentiate between things, let’s at least do it sensibly. The value of any material object comes from its utility and beauty. A weak, awkward, crooked tool doesn’t gain any respect just because a dozen grandfathers used it; a good, strong, accurate one deserves respect just as much if it’s made today. People can certainly worship idols, but it’s not beneficial for them.
A great English artist is said to have scorned visiting the United States of America as "a country where there were no castles." We might have showed him the work of the mound-builders, or the bones of the Triceratops, they are older yet. It will be a great thing for the human soul when it finally stops worshipping backwards. We are pushed forward by the social forces, reluctant and stumbling, our faces over our shoulders, clutching at every relic of the past as we are forced along; still adoring whatever is behind us. We insist upon worshipping "the God of our fathers." Why not the God of our children? Does eternity only stretch one way?
A famous English artist is said to have dismissed visiting the United States as "a country without castles." We could have shown him the work of the mound-builders or the bones of the Triceratops; they’re even older. It will truly benefit the human spirit when it finally stops looking back in reverence. We are pushed forward by social forces, hesitant and stumbling, our faces turned over our shoulders, clinging to every piece of the past as we’re dragged along; still adoring everything that’s behind us. We insist on worshipping "the God of our fathers." Why not the God of our children? Does eternity only extend in one direction?
Another devoutly believed domestic myth is that of the "economy" of the home.
Another widely accepted household myth is the idea of the "economy" of the home.
The man is to earn, and the woman to save, to expend judiciously, to administer the products of labour to the best advantage. We honestly suppose that our method of providing for human wants by our system of domestic economy is the cheapest possible; that it would cost more to live in any other way. The economic dependence of women upon men, with all its deadly consequences, is defended because of our conviction that her labour in the home is as productive as his out of it; that the marriage is a partnership in which, if she does not contribute in cash, she does in labour, care, and saving.
The man is expected to earn, while the woman is expected to save, spend wisely, and manage the results of their work for the best benefit. We genuinely believe that our way of meeting human needs through our domestic economy is the most cost-effective; that it would be more expensive to live any other way. The financial reliance of women on men, with all its harmful effects, is justified by our belief that her work at home is as valuable as his work outside; that marriage is a partnership where, if she doesn't contribute financially, she provides support through labor, care, and savings.
It is with a real sense of pain that one remorselessly punctures this beautiful bubble. When plain financial facts appear, when economic laws are explained, then it is shown that our "domestic economy" is the most wasteful department of life. The subject is taken up in detail in the chapter on home industries; here the mere statement is made, that the domestic system of feeding, clothing, and cleaning humanity costs more time, more strength, and more money than it could cost in any other way except absolute individual isolation. The most effort and the least result are found where each individual does all things for himself. The least effort and the most result are found in the largest specialisation and exchange.
It’s really painful to burst this beautiful bubble. When we look at the straightforward financial facts and explain economic principles, it becomes clear that our "domestic economy" is the most wasteful part of life. This topic is explored in detail in the chapter about home industries; for now, it's enough to say that the way we feed, clothe, and clean ourselves costs more time, energy, and money than it would in any other setup, except total individual isolation. The most effort with the least outcome happens when everyone does everything for themselves. The least effort with the most outcome occurs when there is a high level of specialization and trade.
The little industrial group of the home—from two to five or ten—is very near the bottom of the line of economic progress. It costs men more money, women more work, both more time and strength than need be by more than half. A method of living that wastes half the time and strength of the world is not economical.
The small household unit—ranging from two to five or ten people—is really at the lower end of economic development. It costs men more money, women more effort, and both more time and energy than necessary by a wide margin. A lifestyle that squanders half the world’s time and energy isn’t practical.
Somewhat along this line of popular belief comes that pretty fiction about "the traces of a woman's hand." It is a minor myth, but very dear to us. We imagine that a woman—any woman—just because she is a woman, has an artistic touch, an æsthetic sense, by means of which she can cure ugliness as kings were supposed to cure scrofula, by the laying on of hands. We find this feelingly alluded to in fiction where some lonely miner, coming to his uncared-for cabin, discovers a flower pot, a birdcage and a tidy, and delightedly proclaims—"A woman has been here." He thinks it is beautiful because it is feminine—a sexuo-æsthetic confusion common to all animals.
Somewhat along this line of popular belief comes that pretty fiction about "the traces of a woman's hand." It is a minor myth, but very dear to us. We imagine that a woman—any woman—just because she is a woman, has an artistic touch and an aesthetic sense through which she can transform ugliness, like kings who were believed to heal scrofula by laying on hands. We see this sentiment in fiction when a lonely miner returns to his neglected cabin and finds a flower pot, a birdcage, and a tidy home, joyfully declaring, "A woman has been here." He finds it beautiful because it feels feminine—a confusion of sex and aesthetics common to all animals.
The beauty-sense, as appealed to by sex-distinctions, is a strange field of study. The varied forms of crests, combs, wattles, callosities of blue and crimson, and the like, with which one sex attracts the other, are interesting to follow; but they do not appeal to the cultivated sense of beauty. Beauty—beauty of sky and sea, of flower and shell, of all true works of art—has nothing to do with sex.
The sense of beauty, as influenced by sexual differences, is a curious area of study. The different shapes of feathers, combs, wattles, and bright blue and red markings that one sex uses to attract the other are fascinating to observe; however, they don't resonate with a refined sense of beauty. True beauty—whether in the sky and sea, in flowers and seashells, or in genuine works of art—has nothing to do with gender.
When you turn admiring eyes on the work of those who have beautified the world for us; on the immortal marbles and mosaics, vessels of gold and glass, on building and carving and modelling and painting; the enduring beauty of the rugs and shawls of India, the rich embroideries of Japan, you do not find in the great record of world-beauty such conspicuous traces of a woman's hand.
When you look admiringly at the work of those who have made the world more beautiful for us—like the timeless marbles and mosaics, gold and glass vessels, buildings, carvings, models, and paintings; the lasting beauty of Indian rugs and shawls, and the rich embroideries of Japan—you don’t see many clear signs of a woman's touch in the grand history of world beauty.
Then study real beauty in the home—any home—all homes. There are women in our farm-houses—women who painfully strive to produce beauty in many forms; crocheted, knitted, crazy-quilted, sewed together, stuck together, made of wax; made—of all awful things—of the hair of the dead! Here are traces of a woman's hand beyond dispute, but is it beauty? Through the hands of women, with their delighted approval, pours the stream of fashion without check. Fashion in furniture, fashion in china and glass, fashion in decoration, fashion in clothing. What miracle does "a woman's hand" work on this varying flood of change?
Then look at real beauty in the home—any home—all homes. There are women in our farmhouses—women who struggle hard to create beauty in many forms: crocheted, knitted, crazy-quilted, sewn together, stuck together, made of wax; made—of the most bizarre things—of the hair of the dead! Here are clear signs of a woman's touch, but is it beauty? Through the hands of women, with their joyful approval, flows the ever-changing tide of fashion without restraint. Fashion in furniture, fashion in china and glass, fashion in decor, fashion in clothing. What magic does "a woman's hand" perform on this shifting stream of change?
The woman is as pleased with black horsehair as with magenta reps; she is equally contented with "anti-macassars" as with sofa-cushions, if these things are fashionable. Her "old Canton" is relegated to the garret when "French China" of unbroken white comes in; and then brought down again in triumph when the modern goes out and the antique comes in again.
The woman is just as happy with black horsehair as she is with magenta fabric; she's equally satisfied with "anti-macassars" as with sofa cushions, as long as they're trendy. Her "old Canton" gets pushed to the attic when "French China" of pure white comes in; and then it's brought back down in triumph when the modern style fades out and the antique style comes back in.
She puts upon her body without criticism or objection every excess, distortion, discord, and contradiction that can be sewed together. The æsthetic sense of woman has never interfered with her acceptance of ugliness, if ugliness were the fashion. The very hair of her head goes up and down, in and out, backwards and forwards under the sway of fashion, with no hint of harmony with the face it frames or the head it was meant to honour. In her house or on her person "the traces of a woman's hand" may speak loud of sex, and so please her opposite; but there is no assurance of beauty in the result. This sweet tradition is but another of our domestic myths.
She accepts without question every excess, distortion, disagreement, and contradiction that can be stitched together. A woman's sense of style has never stopped her from embracing ugliness if that's what's in fashion. Her hair swings up and down, in and out, backward and forward in accordance with trends, showing no hint of harmony with the face it frames or the head it’s meant to enhance. In her home or on her person, "the traces of a woman's hand" might loudly express femininity and thus please her counterpart, but there’s no guarantee of beauty in the outcome. This charming tradition is just another one of our domestic myths.
Among them all, most prominent of all, is one so general and so devoutly accepted as to call for most thorough exposure. This is our beloved dogma of "the maternal instinct." The mother, by virtue of being a mother, is supposed to know just what is right for her children. We honestly believe, men and women both, that in motherhood inheres the power rightly to care for childhood.
Among them all, the most notable is one that is so widely accepted and revered that it requires a thorough examination. This is our cherished belief in "the maternal instinct." A mother, simply by being a mother, is expected to instinctively know what is best for her children. Both men and women genuinely believe that motherhood carries the innate ability to care for children properly.
This is a nature-myth, far older than humanity. We base the theory on observation of the lower animals. We watch the birds and beasts and insects, and see that the mother does all for the young; and as she has no instruction and no assistance, yet achieves her ends, we attribute her success to the maternal instinct.
This is a nature myth that's much older than humanity. We build the theory on what we observe in lower animals. We watch birds, beasts, and insects, and see that the mother does everything for her young. Since she has no instruction or assistance but still manages to succeed, we credit her success to maternal instinct.
What is an instinct? It is an inherited habit. It is an automatic action of the nervous system, developed in surviving species of many generations of repetition; and performing most intricate feats.
What is an instinct? It's an inherited behavior. It's an automatic response of the nervous system, developed in surviving species through many generations of repetition; and capable of performing the most complex actions.
There is an insect which prepares for its young to eat a carefully paralysed caterpillar. This ingenious mother lays her eggs in a neatly arranged hole, then stings a caterpillar, so accurately as to deprive him of motion but not of life, and seals up the hole over eggs and fresh meat in full swing of the maternal instinct. A cruelly inquiring observer took out the helpless caterpillar as soon as he was put in; but the instinct-guided mother sealed up the hole just as happily. She had done the trick, as her instinct prompted, and there was no allowance for scientific observers in that prompting. She had no intelligence, only instinct. You may observe mother instinct at its height in a fond hen sitting on china eggs—instinct, but no brains.
There’s an insect that prepares a paralyzed caterpillar for its young to eat. This clever mother lays her eggs in a neatly made hole, then stings a caterpillar just right to make it motionless but still alive, and closes the hole over her eggs and fresh food, fully driven by her maternal instincts. A curious observer cruelly removed the helpless caterpillar as soon as it was placed inside; however, the instinct-driven mother happily sealed the hole again. She had accomplished her task as her instincts guided her, completely ignoring the presence of scientific observers. She lacked intelligence, only instinct. You can see motherly instinct at its finest in a hen sitting on fake eggs—instinct, but no brains.
We, being animals, do retain some rudiments of the animal instincts; but only rudiments. The whole course of civilisation has tended to develop in us a conscious intelligence, the value of which to the human race is far greater than instinct. Instinct can only be efficient in directing actions which are unvaryingly repeated by each individual for each occasion. It is that repetition which creates the instinct. When the environment of an animal changes he has to use something more than instinct, or he becomes ex-tinct!
We, as animals, still hold onto some basic animal instincts; but just the basics. The entire path of civilization has aimed to cultivate in us a conscious awareness, which is far more beneficial to humanity than instinct. Instinct is only effective in guiding actions that each individual automatically repeats for each situation. It's that repetition that forms the instinct. When an animal's environment changes, it has to rely on more than just instinct, or it risks becoming extinct!
The human environment is in continual flux, and changes more and more quickly as social evolution progresses. No personal conditions are so general and unvarying with us as to have time to develop an instinct; the only true ones for our race are the social instincts—and maternity is not a social process.
The human environment is always changing, and these changes are happening faster as society evolves. There are no personal circumstances that are so consistent and unchanging that we have time to develop an instinct; the only real ones for our species are the social instincts—and motherhood isn’t a social process.
Education is a social process, the very highest. To collect the essentials of human progress and supply them to the young, so that each generation may improve more rapidly, that is education. The animals have no parallel to this. The education of the animal young by the animal mother tends only to maintain life, not to improve it. The education of a child, and by education is meant every influence which reaches it, from birth to maturity, is a far more subtle and elaborate process.
Education is a crucial social process. It involves gathering the key elements of human progress and passing them on to the younger generation so that each group can develop faster. Animals don't have anything like this. The way animal mothers teach their young is just about surviving, not about advancing. In contrast, educating a child—which includes every influence that touches their life from birth to adulthood—is a much more complex and intricate process.
The health and growth of the body, the right processes of mental development, the ethical influences which shape character—these are large and serious cares, for which our surviving driblets of instinct make no provision. If there were an instinct inherent in human mothers sufficient to care rightly for their children, then all human mothers would care rightly for their children.
The health and growth of the body, the proper processes of mental development, and the ethical influences that shape character—these are significant concerns that our remaining instincts don't adequately address. If there were an instinct built into human mothers that allowed them to care for their children properly, then all human mothers would care for their children properly.
Do they?
Do they?
What percentage of our human young live to grow up? About fifty per cent. What percentage are healthy? We do not even expect them to be healthy. So used are we to "infantile diseases" that our idea of a mother's duty is to nurse sick children, not to raise well ones! What percentage of our children grow up properly proportioned, athletic and vigorous? Ask the army surgeon who turns down the majority of applicants for military service. What percentage of our children grow up with strong, harmonious characters, wise and good? Ask the great army of teachers and preachers who are trying for ever and ever to somewhat improve the adult humanity which is turned out upon the world from the care of its innumerable mothers and their instincts.
What percentage of our kids actually make it to adulthood? About fifty percent. What percentage are healthy? We don’t even expect them to be healthy. We’re so accustomed to “infant diseases” that we think a mother’s job is to care for sick kids, not to raise healthy ones! What percentage of our children grow up having a good physical build, being athletic and strong? Ask the army doctor who rejects most applicants for military service. What percentage of our kids grow up with strong, balanced characters, being wise and good? Ask the countless teachers and preachers who are forever trying to improve the adult humanity produced by the care of their many mothers and their instincts.
Our eyes grow moist with emotion as we speak of our mothers—our own mothers—and what they have done for us. Our voices thrill and tremble with pathos and veneration as we speak of "the mothers of great men—" mother of Abraham Lincoln! Mother of George Washington! and so on. Had Wilkes Booth no mother? Was Benedict Arnold an orphan?
Our eyes get teary with emotion when we talk about our mothers—our own moms—and everything they’ve done for us. Our voices are filled with feeling and respect as we mention "the mothers of great men—" mother of Abraham Lincoln! Mother of George Washington! and so on. Did Wilkes Booth have no mother? Was Benedict Arnold an orphan?
Who, in the name of all common sense, raises our huge and growing crop of idiots, imbeciles, cripples, defectives, and degenerates, the vicious and the criminal; as well as all the vast mass of slow-minded, prejudiced, ordinary people who clog the wheels of progress? Are the mothers to be credited with all that is good and the fathers with all that is bad?
Who, in the name of all common sense, is responsible for raising our large and growing population of idiots, imbeciles, disabled individuals, those with defects, and degenerates, the cruel and the criminal; as well as all the countless slow-witted, biased, average people who hinder progress? Should we give credit for all that is good to the mothers and blame the fathers for all that is bad?
That we are what we are is due to these two factors, mothers and fathers.
That who we are is thanks to these two factors: our mothers and fathers.
Our physical environment we share with all animals. Our social environment is what modifies heredity and develops human character. The kind of country we live in, the system of government, of religion, of education, of business, of ordinary social customs and convention, this is what develops mankind, this is given by our fathers.
Our physical environment is shared with all animals. Our social environment shapes our heredity and develops human character. The type of country we live in, along with our system of government, religion, education, business, and everyday social customs and conventions, is what shapes humanity; these are the legacies passed down from our ancestors.
What does maternal instinct contribute to this sum of influences? Has maternal instinct even evolved any method of feeding, dressing, teaching, disciplining, educating children which commands attention, not to say respect? It has not.
What does maternal instinct add to this mix of influences? Has maternal instinct even developed any way of feeding, dressing, teaching, disciplining, or educating children that commands attention, let alone respect? It hasn't.
The mothers of each nation, governed only by this rudimentary instinct, repeat from generation to generation the mistakes of their more ignorant ancestors; like a dog turning around three times before he lies down on the carpet, because his thousand-remove progenitors turned round in the grass!
The mothers of each nation, driven only by this basic instinct, pass down the mistakes of their less knowledgeable ancestors from one generation to the next; just like a dog circles three times before settling down on the carpet, because its distant ancestors used to turn around in the grass!
That the care and education of children have developed at all is due to the intelligent efforts of doctors, nurses, teachers, and such few parents as chose to exercise their human brains instead of their brute instincts.
That the care and education of children have progressed at all is thanks to the thoughtful efforts of doctors, nurses, teachers, and the few parents who chose to use their intelligence instead of just relying on their instincts.
That the care and education of children are still at the disgraceful level generally existent is due to our leaving these noble functions to the unquestioned dominance of a force which, even among animals, is not infallible, and which, in our stage of socialisation, is practically worthless.
That the care and education of children are still at an unacceptable level is because we’ve allowed these important roles to be controlled by a force that, even among animals, is not foolproof, and which, in our current state of society, is nearly useless.
Of all the myths which befog the popular mind, of all false worship which prevents us from recognising the truth, this matriolatry is one most dangerous. Blindly we bow to the word "mother"—worshipping the recreative processes of nature as did forgotten nations of old time in their great phallic religions.
Of all the myths that cloud our understanding, and all the false beliefs that stop us from seeing the truth, this worship of the feminine is the most dangerous. We blindly honor the term "mother," worshipping the natural processes of creation just like ancient civilizations did in their great phallic religions.
The processes of nature are to be studied, not worshipped; the laws of nature find best reverence in our intelligent understanding and observance, not in obsequious adoration. When the human mother shows that she understands her splendid function by developing a free, strong, healthy body; by selecting a vigorous and noble mate; by studying the needs of childhood, and meeting them with proficient services, her own or that of others better fitted; by presenting to the world a race of children who do not die in infancy, who are not preyed upon by "preventable diseases," who grow up straight, strong, intelligent, free-minded, and right-intentioned; then we shall have some reason to honour motherhood, and it will be brain-work and soul-work that we honour. Intelligence, study, experience, science, love that has more than a physical basis—human motherhood—not the uncertain rudiments of a brute instinct!
The processes of nature should be studied, not worshipped; we show the greatest respect for nature's laws by understanding and following them intelligently, not by blindly adoring them. When a mother demonstrates her important role by developing a strong, healthy body; by choosing a vigorous and noble partner; by understanding and addressing the needs of her children with skilled care, either her own or provided by those more qualified; by bringing into the world a generation of children who thrive, who aren't vulnerable to "preventable diseases," who grow up healthy, strong, intelligent, open-minded, and well-intentioned; then we will have reason to honor motherhood, and it will be the thoughtful and heartfelt contributions that we celebrate. It is intelligence, education, experience, and love that goes beyond mere physical attraction—human motherhood—not the uncertain remnants of primal instinct!
IV
CURRENT CONDITIONS
The difference between our current idea of the home to-day, and its real conditions, is easily seen. That is, it is easily seen if we are able temporarily to resist the pressure of inherited traditions, and use our individual brain power for a little while. We must remember, in attempting to look fairly, to see clearly, that a concept is a much stronger stimulus to the brain than a fact.
The difference between how we see the home today and its actual conditions is clear. It’s easy to see this if we can push aside the weight of old traditions for a moment and use our own thinking. We need to keep in mind, as we try to observe things impartially and clearly, that an idea can be a much more powerful trigger for our brains than a fact.
A fact, reaching the brain through any sensory nerve, is but an impression; and if a previous impression to the contrary exists, especially if that contrary impression has existed, untouched, for many generations, the fact has but a poor chance of acceptance. "What!" cries the astonished beholder of some new phenomenon. "Can I believe my eyes!" and he does not believe his eyes, preferring to believe the stock in trade of his previous ideas. It takes proof, much proof, glaring, positive, persistent, to convince us that what we have long thought to be so is not so. "A preconceived idea" is what we call this immoveable lump in the brain, and if the preconceived idea is deeply imbedded, knit, and rooted as an "underlying conviction," and has so existed for a very long time, then a bombardment of most undeniable facts bounds off it without effect.
A fact that reaches the brain through any sensory nerve is just an impression; and if there's a prior impression to the contrary, especially if that contrary impression has remained unchallenged for many generations, the new fact has a slim chance of being accepted. "What!" exclaims the surprised observer of some new phenomenon. "Can I really trust what I'm seeing?" and they don't trust their eyes, choosing instead to stick with their established beliefs. It takes a lot of proof—obvious, undeniable, and persistent—to convince us that what we’ve long believed isn’t true. We refer to this stubborn notion in our minds as a "preconceived idea," and if that preconceived idea is deeply entrenched and well-established as a "core belief" that has existed for a long time, then even a barrage of undeniable facts bounces off it without making an impact.
Our ideas of the home are, as we have seen, among the very deepest in the brain; and to reach down into those old foundation feelings, to disentangle the false from the true, to show that the true home does not involve this group of outgrown rudiments is difficult indeed. Yet, if we will but use that wonderful power of thought which even the most prejudiced can exercise for a while, it is easy to see what are the real conditions of the average home to-day. By "average" is not meant an average of numbers. The world still has its millions of savage inhabitants who do not represent to-day, but anthropologic yesterdays, long past.
Our views of home are, as we've noticed, among the most ingrained in our minds; and digging down to those foundational feelings, separating what's false from what's true, and demonstrating that the real home doesn't require this set of outdated elements is quite challenging. However, if we tap into that incredible power of thought that even the most biased individuals can employ for a moment, it becomes clear what the actual conditions of the typical home are today. By "typical," I don't mean an average of statistics. The world still has millions of primitive inhabitants who reflect not today, but ancient anthropological pasts.
Even in our own nation, our ill-distributed social advance leaves us a vast majority of population who do not represent to-day, but a historic yesterday. The home that is really of to-day is the home of the people of to-day, those people who are abreast of the thought, the work, the movement of our times. The real conditions of the present-day home are to be studied here; not in the tepee of the Sioux, the clay-built walls of the Pueblo, the cabin of the "Georgia cracker," or mountaineer of Tennessee; or even in the thousand farm-houses which still repeat so nearly the status of an earlier time.
Even in our own country, our uneven social progress leaves a large majority of the population who reflect a historic past rather than the present day. The homes that truly represent today are those of people who are engaged with the ideas, work, and movements of our time. The real conditions of modern homes should be examined here; not in the Sioux tepee, the earthen walls of the Pueblo, the cabin of the "Georgia cracker," or the mountaineers of Tennessee; or even in the many farmhouses that still closely resemble an earlier era.
The growth and change of the home may be traced through all these forms, in every stage of mechanical, industrial, economic, artistic, and psychic development; but the stage we need to study is that we are now in, those homes which are pushed farthest in the forefront of the stream of progress. An average home of to-day, in this sense, is one of good social position, wherein the husband has sufficient means and the wife sufficient education to keep step with the march of events; one which we should proudly point out to a foreign visitor as "a typical American home."
The evolution of the home can be seen in all these forms, throughout every phase of mechanical, industrial, economic, artistic, and emotional development; however, the phase we need to focus on is our current one, where homes are leading the way in progress. A typical home today, in this sense, is one with a solid social status, where the husband has enough income and the wife has enough education to keep up with the changes happening around them; it's the kind of home we would proudly show to a foreign visitor as "a typical American home."
Now, how does this home really stand under dispassionate observation?
Now, how does this home actually hold up under objective observation?
The ideal which instantly obtrudes itself is this: A beautiful, comfortable house meeting all physical needs; a happy family, profoundly enjoying each other's society; a father, devotedly spending his life in obtaining the wherewithal to maintain this little heaven; a mother, completely wrapped up in her children and devotedly spending her life in their service, working miracles of advantage to them in so doing; children, happy in the home and growing up beautifully under its benign influence—everybody healthy, happy, and satisfied with the whole thing.
The vision that immediately comes to mind is this: a beautiful, comfortable house that meets all physical needs; a happy family genuinely enjoying each other's company; a father devotedly working to provide for this little paradise; a mother fully engaged with her children, dedicating her life to their care and doing wonderful things for them; children, content in the home and growing up beautifully under its positive influence—everyone healthy, happy, and satisfied with it all.
This ideal is what we are asked to lay aside temporarily; and in its place to bring our minds to bear on the palpable facts in the case. Readers of a specially accurate turn of mind may perhaps be interested enough to jot down on paper their own definite observations of, say, a dozen homes they know best.
This ideal is what we're being asked to set aside for a moment; instead, we should focus on the concrete facts at hand. Readers who are particularly detail-oriented might find it worthwhile to write down their own specific observations about, for example, a dozen homes they know well.
One thing may be said here in defence of our general ignorance on this subject: the actual conditions of home life are studiously concealed from casual observation. Our knowledge of each other's homes is obtained principally by "calling" and the more elaborate forms of social entertainments.
One thing can be said in defense of our general ignorance on this subject: the actual conditions of home life are carefully hidden from casual observation. Our understanding of each other’s homes comes mainly from visiting and the more elaborate forms of social gatherings.
The caller only reaches the specially prepared parlour or reception room; the more intimate friends sometimes the bedroom or even nursery, if they are at the time what we call "presentable"; and it is part of our convention, our age-long habit of mind, to accept this partial and prepared view as a picture of the home life. It is not.
The caller only gets to the specially set up parlor or reception room; closer friends might visit the bedroom or even the nursery, if it happens to be what we call "presentable" at the moment; and it's part of our convention, our long-standing way of thinking, to take this partial and staged view as a glimpse of home life. But it's not.
To know any home really, you must live in it, "winter and summer" it, know its cellar as well as parlour, its daily habits as well as its company manners. So we have to push into the background not only the large, generally beautiful home ideal, smiling conventionally like a big bronze Buddha; but also that little pocket ideal which we are obliged to use constantly to keep up the proper mental attitude.
To truly understand a home, you need to live in it, “through winter and summer,” knowing its basement just as well as its living room, its daily routines just as much as its social customs. So we need to set aside not just the grand, typically beautiful idea of a home, which looks perfect like a big bronze Buddha, but also that small, personal ideal that we constantly rely on to maintain the right mindset.
We are not used to looking squarely, open-eyed and critical, at any home, so "sacred" is the place to us. Now, having laid aside both the general ideal and the pocket ideal, what do we see?
We’re not typically used to observing any home directly, with our eyes wide open and a critical perspective, since it’s seen as a “sacred” space to us. Now that we’ve set aside both the broad ideal and the personal ideal, what do we actually see?
As to physical health and comfort and beauty: Ask your Health Board, your sanitary engineer, how the laws of health are observed in the average home—even of the fairly well-to-do, even of the fairly educated. Learn what we may of art and science, the art of living, the science of living is not yet known to us. We build for ourselves elaborate structures in which to live, following architectural traditions, social traditions, domestic traditions, quite regardless of the laws of life for the creature concerned.
As for physical health, comfort, and beauty: Ask your Health Board or your sanitary engineer how health regulations are followed in the average home—even among those who are relatively well-off and educated. Discover what we can about art and science; the art of living and the science of living is still a mystery to us. We construct elaborate buildings to live in, adhering to architectural styles, social norms, and domestic traditions, without paying attention to the laws of life for the beings living there.
This home is the home of a live animal, a large animal, bigger than a sheep—about as big as a fallow deer. The comfort and health of this animal we seek to insure by first wrapping it in many thicknesses of cloth and then shutting it up in a big box, carefully lined with cloth and paper and occasionally "aired" by opening windows. We feed the animal in the box, bringing into it large and varied supplies of food, and cooking them there. Growing dissatisfied with the mess resultant upon this process, disliking the sight and sound and smell of our own preferred food-processes, yet holding it essential that they shall all be carried on in the same box with the animal to be fed; we proceed to enlarge the box into many varied chambers, to shut off by closed doors these offensive details (which we would not do without for the world), and to introduce into the box still other animals of different grades to perform the offensive processes.
This place is home to a living creature, a large one, bigger than a sheep—about the size of a fallow deer. We aim to ensure the comfort and health of this animal by first wrapping it in multiple layers of cloth and then placing it in a large box, carefully lined with fabric and paper, and occasionally "aired out" by opening the windows. We feed the animal inside the box, bringing in a large variety of food and cooking it there. Growing unhappy with the mess that comes from this process, not liking the sight, sound, and smell of our preferred cooking methods, yet still believing it's crucial for everything to happen in the same box as the animal we’re feeding, we start to expand the box into different chambers, closing off these unpleasant details with doors (which we can’t do without), and we introduce other animals of various kinds into the box to handle the messy tasks.
You thus find in a first-class modern home peculiar warring conditions, in the adjustment of which health and comfort are by no means assured. The more advanced the home and its inhabitants, the more we find complexity and difficulty, with elements of discomfort and potential disease, involved in the integral—supposedly integral—processes of the place. The more lining and stuffing there are, the more waste matter fills the air and settles continually as dust; the more elaborate the home, the more labour is required to keep it fit for a healthy animal to live in; the more labour required, the greater the wear and tear on both the heads of the family.
You will find in a modern, high-end home some unusual conflicting situations, where health and comfort are definitely not guaranteed. The more advanced the home and its residents, the more we encounter complexity and challenges, with elements of discomfort and possible health issues tied to the supposedly integral processes of the space. The more cushioning and padding there is, the more waste particles fill the air and continually settle as dust; the more elaborate the home, the more effort is needed to keep it suitable for a healthy person to live in; the more effort that’s required, the greater the strain on both the family members.
The conditions of health in a representative modern home are by no means what we are capable of compassing.
The health conditions in a typical modern home are definitely not what we are capable of achieving.
We consider "antiseptic cleanliness" as belonging only to hospitals, and are content to spend our daily, and nightly, lives in conditions of septic dirt.
We think of "antiseptic cleanliness" as something that only applies to hospitals, and we're fine with living our daily and nightly lives surrounded by filthy conditions.
An adult human being consumes six hundred cubic feet of air in an hour. How many homes provide such an amount, fresh, either by day or night?
An adult human takes in six hundred cubic feet of air every hour. How many homes supply that much fresh air, whether during the day or at night?
Diseases of men may be attributed to exposure, to wrong conditions in shop and office, to chances of the crowd, or to special drug habits. Diseases of women and children must be studied at home, where they take rise. The present conditions of the home as to health and comfort are not satisfactory.
Diseases in men can be linked to exposure, poor conditions in workplaces, the risks of being in crowds, or specific drug habits. The health issues of women and children should be examined at home, where they originate. The current state of home environments in terms of health and comfort is not adequate.
As to beauty: we have not much general knowledge of beauty, either in instinct or training; yet, even with such as we have, how ill satisfied it is in the average home. The outside of the house is not beautiful; the inside is not beautiful; the decorations and furnishings are not beautiful. The home, by itself, in its age-long traditionalism, does not allow of growth in these lines; nor do its physical limitations permit of it. But as education progresses and money accumulates we hire "art-decorators" and try to creep along the line of advance.
As for beauty, we lack a broad understanding of it, whether through instinct or education. Still, even with what we do know, we're often very dissatisfied with the average home. The exterior of the house isn’t beautiful; the interior isn’t beautiful; the decorations and furnishings aren’t beautiful. The home, with its long-standing traditions, doesn’t encourage growth in these areas, and its physical limitations hold it back. However, as education improves and wealth grows, we hire "art decorators" and attempt to catch up with the advancements.
A true natural legitimate home beauty is rare indeed. We may be perfectly comfortable among our things, and even admire them; people of any race or age do that; but that sense of "a beautiful home" is but part of the complex ideal, not a fact recognised by those who love and study beauty and art. We do not find our common "interiors" dear to the soul of the painter. So we may observe that in general the home does not meet the demands of the physical nature, for simple animal health and comfort; nor of the psychical for true beauty.
A genuinely natural and authentic home beauty is really rare. We can feel completely at ease among our possessions and even admire them; people of any background or age do that. However, that feeling of "a beautiful home" is just a part of the broader ideal, not a reality recognized by those who appreciate and study beauty and art. Our typical "interiors" aren't cherished by the soul of the painter. So, we can see that, in general, homes don’t fulfill the basic needs of physical well-being and comfort, nor do they satisfy the deeper desire for true beauty.
Now for our happy family. Let it be carefully borne in mind that no question is raised as to the happiness of husband and wife; or of parent and child in their essential relation; but of their happiness as affected by the home.
Now for our happy family. It's important to remember that there's no question about the happiness of husband and wife, or of parent and child in their essential relationship; rather, it's about how their happiness is influenced by the home.
The effect of the home, as it now is, upon marriage is a vitally interesting study. Two people, happily mated, sympathetic physically and mentally, having many common interests and aspirations, proceed after marrying to enter upon the business of "keeping house," or "home-making." This business is not marriage, it is not parentage, it is not child-culture. It is the running of the commissary and dormitory departments of life, with elaborate lavatory processes.
The impact of the home, as it is today, on marriage is a truly fascinating topic. Two people, happily paired and connected both physically and mentally, who share many interests and goals, get married and start focusing on the task of "keeping house" or "home-making." This task isn't marriage, it isn't parenting, and it isn't raising kids. It's managing the food and living arrangements of life, along with extensive cleaning routines.
The man is now called upon to pay, and pay heavily, for the maintenance of this group of activities; the woman to work, either personally, by deputy, or both, in its performance.
The man is now expected to contribute financially and significantly for the upkeep of this group of activities; the woman is to work, either directly, through someone else, or both, in carrying it out.
Then follows one of the most conspicuous of conditions in our present home: the friction and waste of its supposedly integral processes. The man does spend his life in obtaining the wherewithal to maintain—not a "little heaven," but a bunch of ill-assorted trades, wherein everything costs more than it ought to cost, and nothing is done as it should be done—on a business basis.
Then comes one of the most obvious issues in our current home: the friction and waste of its supposed essential processes. A person spends their life trying to earn the means to maintain—not a "little heaven," but a collection of mismatched trades, where everything costs more than it should, and nothing is done properly—on a business level.
How many men simply hand out a proper sum of money for "living expenses," and then live, serene and steady, on that outlay?
How many men just give a decent amount of money for "living expenses," and then go on living, calm and steady, on that amount?
Home expenses are large, uncertain, inexplicable. In some families an exceptional "manager," provided with a suitable "allowance," does keep the thing in comparatively smooth running order, at considerable cost to herself; but in most families the simple daily processes of "housekeeping" are a constant source of annoyance, friction, waste, and loss. Housekeeping, as a business, is not instructively successful. As the structure of the home is not what we so readily took for granted in our easily fitting ideals, so the functions of the home are not, either. We are really struggling and fussing along, trying to live smoothly, healthfully, peacefully; studying all manner of "new thought" to keep us "poised," pining for a "simpler life"; and yet all spending our strength and patience on the endless effort to "keep house," to "make a home"—to live comfortably in a way which is not comfortable; and when this continuous effort produces utter exhaustion, we have to go away from home for a rest! Think of that, seriously.
Home expenses are hefty, unpredictable, and confusing. In some families, an exceptional "manager," given a suitable "allowance," manages to keep things running relatively smoothly, at a significant cost to herself; but in most families, the everyday tasks of "housekeeping" are a constant source of frustration, conflict, waste, and loss. Running a household as a business is not very successful. Just as the structure of the home isn't what we easily assumed based on our idealistic views, the functions of the home aren't either. We’re truly struggling and stressing out, trying to live smoothly, healthily, and peacefully; exploring all kinds of "new thought" to stay "balanced," yearning for a "simpler life"; yet we end up pouring all our energy and patience into the never-ending work of "keeping house," "making a home"—trying to live comfortably in a way that isn't actually comfortable; and when this relentless effort leaves us completely drained, we have to go away from home for a break! Seriously think about that.
The father is so mercilessly overwhelmed in furnishing the amount of money needed to maintain a home that he scarce knows what a home is. Time, time to sit happily down with his family, or to go happily out with his family, this is denied to the patient toiler on whose shoulders this ancient structure rests. The mother is so overwhelmed in her performance or supervision of all the inner workings of the place that she, too, has scant time for the real joys of family life.
The father is so relentlessly burdened with providing the money needed to keep a home that he hardly knows what a home truly is. Time to sit down happily with his family or go out joyfully with them is denied to the hardworking individual on whose shoulders this age-old structure rests. The mother is also so consumed by her responsibilities and the management of everything at home that she, too, has little time for the genuine joys of family life.
The home is one thing, the family another; and when the home takes all one's time, the family gets little. So we find both husband and wife overtaxed and worried in keeping up the institution according to tradition; both father and mother too much occupied in home-making to do much toward child-training, man-making!
The home is one thing, the family another; and when the home takes up all your time, the family gets little attention. So we see that both husband and wife are overstretched and anxious about maintaining the household according to tradition; both parents are so busy with home-making that they’re not doing much when it comes to raising kids and shaping future men!
What is the real condition of the home as regards children—its primal reason for being? How does the present home meet their needs? How does the home-bound woman fill the claims of motherhood? As a matter of fact, are our children happy and prosperous, healthy and good, at home? Again the ideal rises; picture after picture, tender, warm, glowing; again we must push it aside and look at the case as it is. In our homes to-day the child grows up—when he does not die—not at all in that state of riotous happiness we are so eager to assume as the condition of childhood. The mother loves the child, always and always; she does what she can, what she knows how; but the principal work of her day is the care of the house, not of the child; the construction of clothes—not of character.
What is the actual situation of the home regarding children—its primary purpose? How does the modern home meet their needs? How does the stay-at-home mom fulfill her role as a mother? Are our children truly happy and thriving, healthy and good, at home? Once again, the ideal emerges; one heartwarming image after another; yet we must set this aside and confront the reality. In our homes today, the child grows up—if they don’t die—certainly not in the carefree happiness we often assume characterizes childhood. The mother loves her child, always and forever; she does what she can and what she knows how to do; but the main focus of her day is taking care of the house, not the child; creating clothes—not nurturing character.
Follow the hours in the day of the housewife: count the minutes spent in the care and service of the child, as compared with those given to the planning of meals, the purchase of supplies, the labour either of personally cleaning things or of seeing that other persons do it; the "duties" to society, of the woman exempt from the actual house-labour.
Follow the hours in a housewife's day: count the minutes spent on caring for and serving the child, compared to those spent planning meals, buying supplies, personally cleaning, or ensuring that others do it; the "duties" to society for a woman who is exempt from actual housework.
"But," we protest, "all this is for the child—the meals, the well-kept house, the clothes—the whole thing!"
"But," we argue, "this is all for the child—the food, the tidy house, the clothes—all of it!"
Yes? And in what way do the meals we so elaborately order and prepare, the daintily furnished home, the much-trimmed clothing, contribute to the body-growth, mind-growth, and soul-growth of the child? The conditions of home life are not those best suited to the right growth of children. Infant discipline is one long struggle to coerce the growing creature into some sort of submission to the repressions, the exactions, the arbitrary conventions of the home.
Yes? And how do the meals we carefully order and prepare, the nicely decorated home, and the well-tailored clothing contribute to the physical, mental, and spiritual growth of a child? The conditions of home life aren’t exactly ideal for children’s proper development. Raising infants is just a long struggle to force the growing individual to submit to the restrictions, demands, and arbitrary rules of the home.
In broad analysis, we find in the representative homes of to-day a condition of unrest. The man is best able to support it because he is least in it; he is part and parcel of the organised industries of the world, he has his own special business to run on its own lines; and he, with his larger life-basis, can better bear the pressure of house-worries. The wife is cautioned by domestic moralists not to annoy her husband with her little difficulties; but in the major part of them, the economic difficulties, she must consult him, because he pays the bills.
In general terms, we see in today's representative homes a state of unrest. The man is typically better equipped to handle it because he is less affected by it; he is deeply integrated into the organized industries of the world, managing his own specific business independently. With his broader perspective on life, he can better cope with household stresses. The wife is advised by domestic moralists not to burden her husband with her minor issues; however, when it comes to the main issues, especially economic ones, she must consult him since he is the one who pays the bills.
When a satisfactory Chinaman is running a household; when the money is paid, the care deputed, the whole thing done as by clock-work, this phase of home unrest is removed; but the families so provided for are few. In most cases the business of running a home is a source of constant friction and nervous as well as financial waste.
When a reliable Chinese person is managing a household; when the bills are paid, responsibilities are shared, and everything runs smoothly like clockwork, this aspect of home dissatisfaction is eliminated; however, such families are rare. In most situations, managing a household is a constant source of tension and drains both energy and finances.
Quite beyond this business side come the conditions of home life, the real conditions, as affecting the lives of the inmates. With great wealth, and a highly cultivated taste, we find the members of the family lodged in as much privacy and freedom as possible in a home, and agreeing to disagree where they are not in accord. With great love and highly cultivated courtesy and wisdom, we find the members of the family getting on happily together, even in a physically restricted home. But in the average home, occupied by average people, we find the members of the family jarring upon one another in varying degree.
Beyond the business aspect, there are the real conditions of home life that impact the lives of those living there. With great wealth and refined tastes, family members enjoy as much privacy and freedom as possible in their home, and they agree to disagree when they see things differently. With genuine love and a high level of courtesy and wisdom, family members can live together happily, even in a small home. However, in the average home, where average people live, family members tend to clash with one another to varying degrees.
That harmony, peace, and love which we attribute to home life is not as common as our fond belief would maintain. The husband, as we have seen, finds his chief base outside, and bears up with greater or less success against the demands and anxieties of the home. The wife, more closely bound, breaks down in health with increasing frequency. The effect of home life on women seems to be more injurious in proportion to their social development. Our so-called "society" is one outlet, though not a healthful one, through which the woman seeks to find recreation, change, and stimulus to enable her to bear up against a too continuous home life.
That sense of harmony, peace, and love that we associate with home life isn’t as common as we like to believe. The husband, as we've observed, mostly finds his support outside of home and copes with the demands and stresses of home life with varying degrees of success. The wife, being more closely tied to the home, often faces health issues with increasing regularity. The impact of home life on women appears to be more harmful as their social status increases. Our so-called "society" provides one way, though not a healthy one, for women to seek recreation, change, and stimulation to help them cope with the often overwhelming nature of home life.
The young man at home is almost a negligible factor—he does not stay in it any more than he can help. The young woman at home finds her growing individuality an increasing disadvantage, and many times makes a too hasty marriage because she is not happy at home—in order to have "a home of her own," where she still piously believes all will be well.
The young man at home barely matters—he only stays as long as he has to. The young woman at home sees her emerging individuality as a growing problem, and often rushes into marriage because she feels unhappy at home—hoping to have "a home of her own," where she still naively believes everything will be fine.
The child at home has no knowledge of any other and better environment wherewith to compare this. He accepts his home as the unavoidable base of all things—he cannot think of life with a different home. But the eagerness with which he hails any proposition that takes him out of it, his passionate hunger for change, for novelty; the fever which most boys have for "running away"; the eager, intense interest in stories of anything and everything as far removed from home life as possible; the dreary ennui of the child who is punished by being kept at home—or who has to stay there continuously for any reason—standing at the window which can give sight of the world outside and longing for something to happen—all this goes to indicate that home life does not satisfy the child. There was a time when it did, when it satisfied every member of the family; but that was under far more primitive conditions.
The child at home doesn’t know of any other, better environment to compare this to. He sees his home as the only foundation for everything—he can’t imagine life in a different home. But the excitement with which he embraces any chance to leave, his intense craving for change and new experiences; the urge most boys have to "run away"; the keen, deep interest in stories about anything and everything that is as far from home life as possible; the dull ennui of the child who is punished by being kept at home—or who has to stay there all the time for any reason—standing at the window, looking out at the world and longing for something to happen—all of this shows that home life doesn’t satisfy the child. There was a time when it did, when it fulfilled every family member; but that was under much more primitive conditions.
The home has not developed in the same ratio as its occupants. The people of to-day are not content in the homes of a thousand years before yesterday. Our present home conditions are being changed—very gradually, owing to the stiffness of the material, but are slowly changing before our eyes. As a matter of fact, we are ready—more than ready—for the homes of the future; as a matter of feeling, we are clinging with all our might to the homes of the past; and, in their present conditions, our homes are not by any means those centres of rest, peace, and satisfaction we are so religiously taught to think them.
The home hasn't evolved at the same pace as its residents. People today aren't satisfied with the homes of a thousand years ago. Our current living conditions are changing—slowly, because of the rigidity of existing structures—but these changes are unfolding right before us. In fact, we're more than ready for the homes of the future; emotionally, we're desperately holding onto the homes of the past. And in their current state, our homes definitely don't serve as the havens of rest, peace, and contentment we've been taught to believe they do.
Suppose for an instant that they were. Suppose the trouble, the weariness, the danger and evils of outside life were all laid aside the moment we entered the home. There all was well. No financial trouble. No industrial trouble. No physical trouble. No mental trouble. No moral trouble. Just a place where everything ran on wheels; and where the world-worn soul could count on peace and refreshment.
Suppose for a moment that this were true. Imagine if all the hassles, exhaustion, danger, and problems of the outside world faded away the instant we came home. There, everything was alright. No money issues. No work-related stress. No physical pain. No mental struggles. No moral dilemmas. Just a place where everything went smoothly, and where a weary soul could rely on peace and rejuvenation.
Vain supposition! Whatever the financial troubles of the world, the place where they are felt most is in the home. Here is where the money is spent, and most wastefully misspent as we shall see later. Here is where there is never enough, where the demand continually exceeds the supply.
Vain assumption! No matter the financial issues in the world, they hit hardest at home. This is where money is spent, and often wasted, as we'll discuss later. This is where there's never enough, and the demand always outweighs the supply.
As to industrial trouble, the labour question is a large one everywhere. The introduction of machinery has brought its train of needless disadvantages as well as its essential advantages. There are dishonesty and inefficiency to meet and cope with. But compare the conversation of a hundred business men with that of a hundred housekeeping women, and learn respect for the magnitude of the industrial troubles of the home.
As for industrial issues, the labor question is a significant concern everywhere. The introduction of machines has brought along unnecessary downsides along with its key benefits. There are dishonesty and inefficiency to address and manage. However, if you compare the discussions of a hundred business people with those of a hundred homemakers, you'll start to understand the seriousness of the industrial challenges faced at home.
For physical troubles, as we have before indicated, the home is no relief. We struggle to enforce laws improving the physical conditions of the coal mine and the factory, but these laws find their utmost difficulty of application in the "sweatshops," the place where work is done at home. There is no law to improve the sanitary condition of the kitchen, to compel the admission of oxygen to the bedroom. In the home every law of health may be disregarded with impunity. We strive by building regulations and Boards of Health to make some improvement, but the conditions of home life, as now existing, are no guarantee of safety from physical troubles.
For physical issues, as we've mentioned before, home offers no relief. We work to enforce laws that improve the working conditions in coal mines and factories, but these laws face significant challenges in "sweatshops," where work is done at home. There are no laws to enhance the hygiene of the kitchen or to ensure proper ventilation in the bedroom. Within the home, any health regulation can be ignored without consequence. We try to implement building codes and establish Boards of Health to make some improvements, but the current state of home life provides no assurance of protection from physical ailments.
As to the mental and moral—the whole field of psychical error and difficulty—the home is the place where we suffer most. The struggles and falls of the soul, our most intimate sins, the keenest pain we know—the home is the arena for these in large measure. Tender virtues grow there, too—deep and abiding love, generous devotion, patient endurance—faithfulness and care; but for one home that shows us these is another where dominant injustice, selfishness, unthinking cruelty, impatience, grossest rudeness, a callous disregard for the oft-trodden feelings of others is found instead. No wide acquaintance with present homes can fail to note these things in every shade of growth. Home is a place where people live, people good and bad, great and small, wise and unwise. The home does not make the bad good, the small great, or the foolish wise. Many a man who has to be decent in his social life is domineering and selfish at home. Many a woman who has to be considerate and polite in her social life, such as it is, is exacting and greedy at home, and cruel as only the weak and ignorant can be. Now if the home was what produced the virtues we commonly attribute to it, then all homes, of all times and peoples, would have the same effect.
When it comes to our mental and moral struggles—the whole spectrum of psychological errors and challenges—home is where we experience the most suffering. The battles and setbacks of our souls, our deepest sins, and the sharpest pains we feel—these mostly unfold within the home. It’s also where tender virtues flourish, like profound love, selfless devotion, and patient endurance—along with loyalty and care. However, for every home that expresses these qualities, there's another that reveals dominant injustice, selfishness, thoughtless cruelty, impatience, extreme rudeness, and a harsh disregard for the often-trampled feelings of others. Anyone familiar with present-day homes can hardly miss these traits in every aspect. Home is where a diverse mix of people live—both good and bad, significant and insignificant, wise and foolish. The home doesn’t transform the bad into good, the small into great, or the foolish into wise. Many men who behave decently in public can be controlling and selfish at home. Many women who must be kind and polite socially can be demanding and greedy at home, often cruel in the way that only the weak and uninformed can be. If home truly produced the virtues we often attribute to it, then all homes, across all times and cultures, would have the same impact.
The American man holds pre-eminence as sacrificed to the home; the American woman as being most petted and indulged therein. In England we find the man more the centre of indulgence, in Germany still more so—and the women subsidiary to his use and pleasure.
The American man is seen as the one who gives up everything for his family; the American woman is often pampered and spoiled within that setting. In England, men are more at the center of that indulgence, and in Germany, even more so—where women are more focused on serving their needs and pleasures.
How can "the home" be credited with such opposite results? If, as is commonly assumed, the home has any unfailing general effect, we must be able to point out that effect in the homes of Russia, China, France, and Egypt. If we find the homes of the nations differ we must look for the cause in the national institutions—not the domestic.
How can "the home" be credited with such different outcomes? If, as people often think, the home has a consistent effect, we should be able to identify that effect in the homes of Russia, China, France, and Egypt. If we see that the homes of these nations vary, we need to look for the reason in the national institutions—not in the home life.
That our well-loved homes are as good as they are is due to our race progress; to our religion, our education, our general social advance. When a peasant family from Hungary comes to America, they establish a Hungarian home. As they become Americanised the home changes and improves. The credit is not due to the home, but to the country. Meanwhile the home does have certain definite effects upon our life; due to its own nature, and acting upon us in every time and place.
That our beloved homes are as good as they are is thanks to our progress as a society; to our beliefs, our education, and our overall social advancement. When a peasant family from Hungary arrives in America, they create a Hungarian home. As they adapt to American culture, their home evolves and improves. The credit doesn't go to the home itself but to the country. At the same time, the home does have specific influences on our lives; it impacts us in every time and place due to its own nature.
These we shall analyse and follow in studying the effects of the home upon society in a later chapter. In this observation of present conditions we should note merely how our average home life now stands. And we may plainly see these things; a general condition of unrest and more or less dissatisfaction. A tendency to ever-growing expense, which threatens the very existence of the home and is forcing many into boarding houses. An increasing difficulty in the industrial processes—a difficulty so great that the lives of our women are embittered and shortened by it, and the periods of anxiety and ill-adjustment are longer than those of satisfactory service. An improvement in sanitary conditions so far as public measures can reach the home, but a wide field of disease owing to wrong habits of clothing, eating, and breathing. A rudimentary custom of child-culture only beginning to show signs of progress; and a degree of unhappiness to which the divorce and criminal courts, as well as insane asylums and graveyards, bear crushing testimony.
These will be analyzed and followed when we study the effects of the home on society in a later chapter. In observing the current conditions, we should simply note how our average home life stands today. We can clearly see the following: a general state of unrest and dissatisfaction. An increasing tendency towards higher expenses, which threatens the very existence of the home and is pushing many into boarding houses. Growing challenges in industrial processes—challenges so significant that the lives of our women are impacted and shortened by them, with periods of anxiety and imbalance lasting longer than those of fulfilling work. A improvement in sanitation as far as public measures can affect the home, but a wide range of diseases stemming from poor habits related to clothing, eating, and breathing. A basic practice of child-rearing that is just starting to show signs of progress; and a level of unhappiness reflected in the heavy toll taken by divorce and criminal courts, as well as in insane asylums and graveyards.
With conditions of home life as far from our cherished ideal as these, is it not time for us bravely to face the problem, and study home life with a view to its improvement? Not "to abolish the home," as is wildly feared by those who dare not discuss it. A pretty testimony this to their real honour and belief! Is the home so light a thing as to be blown away by a breath of criticism? Are we so loosely attached to our homes as to give them up when some defects are pointed out? Is it not a confession of the discord and pain we so stoutly deny, that we are not willing to pour light into this dark place and see what ails it?
With home life so far from our ideal, isn't it time for us to face the problem and examine home life with the aim of improving it? Not to "abolish the home," as some fear when they refuse to discuss it. What a testament this is to their true values and beliefs! Is the home so fragile that it can be swept away by a little criticism? Are we so loosely connected to our homes that we'd abandon them just because some flaws are pointed out? Isn't it a sign of the conflict and pain we refuse to acknowledge that we aren't willing to shed light on this dark place and see what's wrong?
There is no cause for fear. So long as life lasts we shall have homes; but we need not always have the same kind.
There’s no reason to be afraid. As long as we’re alive, we’ll always have homes; but they don’t have to be the same kind all the time.
Our present home is injured by the rigidly enforced maintenance of long-outgrown conditions. We may free ourselves, if we will, from every one of those injurious, old conditions, and still retain all that is good and beautiful and right in the home.
Our current home is suffering because we insist on holding onto outdated rules. We can free ourselves from all those harmful, old ways if we choose to, while still keeping everything that's good, beautiful, and right in the home.
V
The home as a workspace
I. The Housewife
The Stay-at-Home Parent
All industry began at home.
All industry started at home.
All industry was begun by women.
All industries were started by women.
Back of history, at the bottom of civilisation, during that long period of slowly changing savagery which antedates our really human life, whatever work was done on earth was done by the woman in the home. From that time to this we have travelled far, spread wide, grown broad and high; and our line of progress is the line of industrial evolution.
Back in history, at the core of civilization, during that long stretch of gradually changing savagery that came before our truly human existence, all the work done on earth was done by women at home. From that time to now, we have come a long way, expanded widely, and grown in breadth and height; our path of progress is the path of industrial evolution.
Where the patient and laborious squaw once carried on her back the slaughtered game for her own family, now wind and steam and lightning distribute our provisions around the world. Where she once erected a rude shelter of boughs or hides for her own family, now mason and carpenter, steel and iron worker, joiner, lather, plasterer, glazier, plumber, locksmith, painter, and decorator combine to house the world. Where she chewed and scraped the hides, wove bark and grasses, made garments, made baskets, made pottery, made all that was made for her own family, save the weapons of slaughter, now the thousand manufactures of a million mills supply our complex needs and pleasures. Where she tamed and herded a few beasts for her own family, now from ranchman to packer move the innumerable flocks and herds of the great plains; where she ploughed with a stick and reaped with a knife, for her own family, now gathered miles of corn cross continent and ocean to feed all nations. Where she prepared the food and reared the child for her own family—what! Has the world stopped? Is history a dream? Is social progress mere imagination?—there she is yet! Back of history, at the bottom of civilisation, untouched by a thousand whirling centuries, the primitive woman, in the primitive home, still toils at her primitive tasks.
Where the hardworking woman once carried the hunted game on her back for her family, now wind, steam, and electricity transport our supplies around the globe. Where she once built a simple shelter from branches or hides for her family, now builders, carpenters, steelworkers, joiners, plasterers, glaziers, plumbers, locksmiths, painters, and decorators come together to create homes for everyone. Where she tanned and prepared hides, wove materials from bark and grass, made clothing, crafted baskets, and shaped pottery—all for her family, except for the weapons—now countless factories produce everything we need and enjoy. Where she cared for a few animals for her family, now ranchers and packers manage huge flocks and herds across the vast plains; where she plowed with a stick and harvested with a knife for her family, now thousands of miles of corn are grown across continents and oceans to feed all nations. Where she cooked the meals and raised the children for her family—what? Has the world come to a halt? Is history just a dream? Is social progress merely a fantasy?—there she is yet! Behind history, at the foundation of civilization, unaffected by a thousand rushing centuries, the primitive woman, in the primitive home, still works at her basic tasks.
All industries began at home, there is no doubt of that. All other industries have left home long ago. Why have these stayed? All other industries have grown. Why have not these?
All industries started at home, there's no question about that. All the other industries left home a long time ago. So why have these stayed? All other industries have expanded. Why haven't these?
What conditions, social and economic, what shadowy survival of oldest superstitions, what iron weight of custom, law, religion, can be adduced in explanation of such a paradox as this? Talk of Siberian mammoths handed down in ice, like some crystallised fruit of earliest ages! What are they compared with this antediluvian relic! By what art, what charm, what miracle, has the twentieth century preserved alive the prehistoric squaw!
What social and economic conditions, what lingering remnants of ancient superstitions, what heavy burden of custom, law, and religion, can help explain such a paradox? They talk about Siberian mammoths frozen in ice, like some crystallized fruit from early times! What are they compared to this ancient relic! By what skill, what magic, what miracle, has the twentieth century kept the prehistoric woman alive?
This is a phenomenon well worth our study, a subject teeming with interest, one that concerns every human being most closely—most vitally. Sociology is beginning to teach us something of the processes by which man has moved up and on to his present grade, and may move farther. Among those processes none is clearer, simpler, easier to understand, than industrial evolution. Its laws are identical with those of physical evolution, a progression from the less to the greater, from the simple to the complex, a constant adaptation of means to ends, a tendency to minimise effort and maximise efficiency. The solitary savage applies his personal energy to his personal needs. The social group applies its collective energy to its collective needs. The savage works by himself, for himself; the civilised man works in elaborate inter-dependence with many, for many. By the division of labour and its increasing specialisation we vastly multiply skill and power; by the application of machinery we multiply the output; by the development of business methods we reduce expense and increase results; the whole line of growth is the same as that which makes a man more efficient in action than his weight in shell-fish. He is more highly organised and specialised. So is modern industry.
This is a phenomenon that's definitely worth studying, a topic full of interest that affects every single person—most importantly. Sociology is starting to reveal some of the processes through which humanity has advanced to its current level and may continue to progress. Among these processes, none is clearer, simpler, or easier to understand than industrial evolution. Its principles align with those of physical evolution, moving from the basic to the advanced, from the simple to the complex, constantly adjusting methods to achieve goals, and aiming to minimize effort while maximizing efficiency. The lone hunter uses his personal energy for his individual needs. The social group uses its collective energy for shared needs. The hunter works alone, for himself; the modern individual collaborates with many for the benefit of all. Through the division of labor and increased specialization, we significantly enhance skill and power; by using machinery, we boost production; and by improving business practices, we cut costs and boost results. The overall trend is similar to how a person becomes more effective in action than just their weight in shellfish. They are more organized and specialized. So is modern industry.
The solitary savage knew neither specialisation nor organisation—he "did his own work." This process gives the maximum of effort and the minimum of results. Specialised and organised industry gives the minimum of effort and the maximum of results. That is civilised industry.
The solitary savage didn’t know anything about specialization or organization—he “did his own work.” This approach results in the highest effort and the lowest outcomes. Specialization and organized industry lead to the least effort and the highest results. That’s civilized industry.
The so idealised and belauded "home industries" are still savage. The modern home is built and furnished by civilised methods. Arts, crafts, and manufactures, sciences, professions, many highly sublimated processes of modern life combine to make perfect the place where we live; but the industries practised in that place remain at the first round of the ladder.
The highly praised "home industries" are still primitive. The modern home is built and furnished using civilized methods. A mix of arts, crafts, manufacturing, sciences, and professions—along with many advanced processes of modern life—come together to perfect the spaces where we live; yet, the industries practiced in those spaces are still just at the beginning stages of development.
Instead of having our pick of the latest and best workers, we are here confined to the two earliest—the Housewife and the Housemaid. The housewife is the very first, and she still predominates by so large a majority as to make us wonder at the noisy prominence of "the servant question." (It is not so wonderful, after all, for that class of the population which keeps servants is the class which makes the most noise.) Even in rich America, even in richest New York, in nine-tenths of the families the housewife "does her own work." This is so large a proportion that we will consider the housewife first—and fully.
Instead of having our choice of the newest and best workers, we're stuck with just the two oldest options—the Housewife and the Housemaid. The housewife is the very first, and she still dominates by such a large margin that it makes us question the loud focus on "the servant issue." (It's not so surprising, after all, since the group of people who employ servants is the same group that makes the most noise.) Even in wealthy America, even in the richest New York, in nine-tenths of households, the housewife "handles her own work." This is such a significant proportion that we'll examine the housewife first—and in detail.
Why was woman the first worker? Because she is a mother. All living animals are under the law of, first, self-preservation, and, second, race-preservation. But the second really comes first; the most imperative forces in nature compel the individual to sacrifice to the race. This law finds its best expression in what we call "the maternal sacrifice." Motherhood means giving. There is no limit to this urgency. The mother gives all she has to the young, including life. In many low organisms the sacrifice is instantaneous and complete—the mother dies in giving birth to the young—just lays her eggs and dies. Such forms of life have to remain low, however. The defunct mothers can be of no further use to the young, so they have to be little instinctive automata, hopelessly arrested in the path of progress.
Why was woman the first worker? Because she is a mother. All living animals operate under the laws of, first, self-preservation, and, second, species-preservation. But the second actually comes first; the strongest forces in nature push individuals to sacrifice for the species. This law is best expressed in what we call "maternal sacrifice." Motherhood means giving. There’s no limit to this urgency. The mother gives everything she has to her offspring, even her life. In many simpler organisms, this sacrifice is immediate and complete—the mother dies when she gives birth to the young—she just lays her eggs and dies. However, such forms of life can only remain simple. The deceased mothers can’t help the young anymore, so they have to be little instinctive machines, permanently stuck in the path of progress.
Nature perceived that this wholly sacrified mother was not the best kind. Little by little the usefulness of the mother was prolonged, the brooding mother, the feeding mother, lastly the nursing mother, highest of all. Order mammalia stands at the top, type of efficient motherhood.
Nature realized that this completely sacrificed mother wasn't the best kind. Gradually, the value of the mother was extended, starting with the brooding mother, then the feeding mother, and finally the nursing mother, the highest of all. The order Mammalia stands at the top, representing the pinnacle of effective motherhood.
When human development began, new paths were open to mother-love—new tasks to maternal energy. The human mother not only nursed and guarded the child, but exercised her dawning ingenuity in adding to its comfort by making things.
When human development started, new opportunities emerged for motherly love—new responsibilities for maternal energy. The human mother not only breastfed and protected her child but also used her growing creativity to enhance its comfort by making things.
The constructive tendency is essentially feminine; the destructive masculine. Male energy tends to scatter and destroy, female to gather and construct. So human labour comes by nature from the woman, was hers entirely for countless ages, while the man could only hunt and fight, or prance and prophesy as "medicine man"; and this is still so in those races which remain savage. Even in so advanced a savage race as the Zulus, the women do the work; and our own country has plenty of similar examples near at hand.
The constructive tendency is basically feminine, while the destructive one is masculine. Male energy often spreads out and destroys, whereas female energy gathers and builds. So, throughout history, human labor has naturally come from women; it was entirely their domain for countless ages, while men could only hunt, fight, or perform as "medicine men." This is still true in many primitive cultures. Even in a relatively advanced group like the Zulus, women do the work, and there are plenty of similar examples in our own country.
As human civilisation is entirely dependent on progressive industry, while hunting and fighting are faculties we share with the whole carnivora, it is easy to see that during all those ages of savagery the woman was the leader. She represented the higher grade of life; and carried it far enough to bring to birth many of the great arts as well as the humbler ones, especially the invaluable art of language.[1]
As human civilization completely relies on advancing industry, and since hunting and fighting are skills we share with all carnivores, it's clear that during all those ages of savagery, women were the leaders. They represented a higher level of life and nurtured it enough to give rise to many of the great arts as well as simpler ones, particularly the invaluable art of language.[1]
But maternal energy has its limits. What those limits are may be best studied in an ant's nest or a beehive. These marvellous insects, perfected types of industry and of maternity, have succeeded in organising motherhood. Most creatures reproduce individually, these collectively—all personal life absolutely lost in the group life. Moved by an instinct coincident with its existence, the new-hatched ant, still weak and wet from the pupa, staggers to the nearest yet unborn to care for it, and cares for it devotedly to the end of life.
But maternal energy has its limits. The best way to understand those limits might be by observing an ant's nest or a beehive. These amazing insects, perfected examples of industry and motherhood, have managed to organize motherhood. Most creatures reproduce on their own, while these do so collectively—all personal life completely absorbed in group life. Driven by an instinct tied to their existence, the newly hatched ant, still weak and wet from the pupa, struggles to the nearest still-unborn ant to care for it, dedicating itself to that care for its entire life.
One bee group-mother, crawling from cell to cell, lays eggs unnumbered for the common care; the other group-mothers, their own egg-laying capacity in abeyance, labour unceasingly in the interests of those common eggs; and the delicate perfection of provision and service thus attained results in—what? In a marvellous motherhood and a futile fatherhood; the predominant female, the almost negligible male—a temporary fertilising agent merely; in infinite reproduction, and that is all; in more bees, and more ants, more and more for ever, like the sands of the sea. They would cover the earth like a blanket but for merciful appetites of other creatures. But this is only multiplication—not improvement. Nature has one more law to govern life besides self-preservation and reproduction—progress. To be, to re-be, and to be better is the law. It is not enough to keep one's self alive, it is not enough to keep one's kind alive, we must improve. This law of growth, which is the grand underlying one that moves the universe, acts on living species mainly through the male. He is progressive where the female is conservative by nature. He is a variant where she is the race type. This tendency to vary is one of the most beneficent in nature. Through it comes change, and, through change, improvement. The unbridled flow of maternal energy is capable of producing an exquisite apparatus for child-rearing, and no more. The masculine energy is needed also, for the highest evolution.
One queen bee, moving from cell to cell, lays countless eggs for the collective care; while the other worker bees, holding back their own egg-laying abilities, tirelessly work for the benefit of those shared eggs. The delicate balance of provision and care leads to—what? To an amazing motherhood and a pointless fatherhood; the dominant female and the almost insignificant male—a temporary fertilizing agent at best; in endless reproduction, and that’s all; in more bees, more ants, and increasingly more, like the grains of sand on the beach. They would cover the earth like a blanket if not for the merciful appetites of other creatures. But this is merely multiplication—not improvement. Nature has another law that governs life alongside self-preservation and reproduction—progress. To exist, to persist, and to get better is the law. It’s not enough to survive, and it’s not enough to ensure the survival of one’s kind; we must evolve. This growth law, which underlies everything that drives the universe, primarily affects living species through the male. He is progressive where the female is naturally conservative. He varies while she represents the established type. This tendency to vary is one of nature's greatest gifts. Through it comes change, and through change comes improvement. The unrestrained flow of maternal energy can create a beautiful system for raising offspring, but that’s all. Masculine energy is also necessary for the highest form of evolution.
Well is it for the human race that the male savage finally took hold of the female's industry. Whether he perceived her superiority and sought to emulate it is doubtful; more probably it was the pressure of economic conditions which slowly forced him to it. The glaring proofs of time taught him that the pasture was more profitable than the hunting ground, and the cornfield than the pasture. The accumulating riches produced by the woman's industry drew him on. Slowly, reluctantly, the lordly fighter condescended to follow the humble worker, who led him by thousands of years. In the hands of the male, industry developed. The woman is a patient, submissive, inexhaustible labourer. The pouring forces of maternity prompt her to work for ever—for her young. Not so the man. Working is with him an acquired habit, and acquired very late in his racial life. The low-grade man still in his heart despises it, he still prefers to be waited on by women, he still feels most at home in hunting and fighting. And man alone being represented in the main fields of modern industry, this male instinct for hunting and fighting plays havoc with the true economic processes. He makes a warfare of business, he makes prey of his competitors, he still seeks to enslave—to make others work for him, instead of freely and joyously working all he can. The best industrial progress needs both elements—ours is but a compromise as yet, something between the beehive and the battlefield.
It's good for humanity that men finally took over the work women were doing. Whether he recognized her strengths and wanted to follow her lead is unclear; more likely, it was economic pressures that slowly pushed him into it. Over time, he learned that farming was more lucrative than hunting, and growing crops was better than just grazing animals. The growing wealth generated by women's work motivated him. Gradually, though reluctantly, the proud warrior came to follow the humble laborer who had been ahead by thousands of years. Under men's control, industry evolved. Women are persistent, obedient, and tireless workers. Their instinct to nurture drives them to keep working endlessly—for their children. But men don't have that same drive. For them, working is a skill they learn much later in their lives. The less evolved man still secretly looks down on work; he prefers to be taken care of by women and feels most comfortable with hunting and fighting. Since men predominantly occupy the main areas of modern industry, this inherent hunting and fighting instinct disrupts true economic processes. They turn business into a battle, viewing competitors as prey, and always seek to dominate—to make others work for them, rather than joyfully contributing their own efforts. Real industrial progress requires both sides—right now, it's just a mix of a beehive and a battlefield.
But, with all the faults of unbridled male energy, it has lifted industry from the limits of the home to that of the world. Through it has come our splendid growth; much marred by evils of force and fraud, crude, wasteful, cruel, but progressive; and infinitely beyond the level of these neglected rudimentary trades left at home; left to the too tender mercies of the housewife.
But, despite all the flaws of unchecked male energy, it has taken industry from the confines of the home to a global scale. Because of it, we've experienced remarkable growth; though it’s been tainted by the wrongs of violence and deceit, raw, wasteful, and harsh, yet still forward-moving; and far beyond the basic, overlooked trades stuck at home, left to the overly gentle care of the housewife.
The iron limits of her efficiency are these: First, that of average capacity. Just consider what any human business would be in which there was no faintest possibility of choice, of exceptional ability, of division of labor. What would shoes be like if every man made his own, if the shoemaker had never come to his development? What would houses be like if every man made his own? Or hats, or books, or waggons? To confine any industry to the level of a universal average is to strangle it in its cradle. And there, for ever, lie the industries of the housewife. What every man does alone for himself, no man can ever do well—or woman either. That is the first limit of the "housewife."
The strict limits of her efficiency are these: First, the average capacity. Just think about what any business would be like if there was no possibility of choice, exceptional skill, or division of labor. What would shoes be like if everyone made their own? What if shoemakers had never developed? What would houses, hats, books, or wagons look like if everyone built their own? Restricting any industry to a universal average would stifle it right from the start. And that’s where the industries of the housewife remain forever. What one person does alone for themselves, no one can do well—neither man nor woman. That’s the first limit of the "housewife."
The next is the maternal character of this poor primeval labourer. Because of her wealth of power and patience it does not occur to her to make things easier for herself. The fatal inertia of home industries lies in their maternal basis. The work is only done for the family—the family is satisfied—what remains? There is no other ambition, no other incentive, no other reward. Where the horizon of duty and aspiration closes down with one's immediate blood relations, there is no room for growth.
The next is the motherly nature of this poor early worker. Because of her strength and patience, she doesn’t think to make things easier for herself. The deadening stagnation of home industries comes from this motherly foundation. The work is done only for the family—the family is content—so what’s left? There’s no other ambition, no other motivation, no other reward. When the scope of duty and hopes is limited to one’s immediate family, there’s no space for growth.
All that has pushed and pulled reluctant man up the long path of social evolution has not touched the home-bound woman. Whatever height he reached, her place was still the same. The economic relation of the sexes here works[2] with tremendous force. Depending on the male for her economic profit, her own household labours kept to the sex-basis, and never allowed to enter the open market, there was nothing to modify her original sex-tendency to work with stationary contentment. If we can imagine for a moment a world like ours, with all our elaborate business processes in the hands of women, and the men still in the position of the male savage—painted braves, ready for the warpath, and good for little else—we get a comparison with this real condition, where the business processes are in the hands of men, and the women still in the position of the female savage—docile toilers for the family, and good for little else. That is the second limit of the housewife—that she is merely working for her own family—in the sex-relation—not the economic relation; as servant to the family instead of servant to the world.
All that has pushed and pulled hesitant man up the long road of social evolution hasn't affected the homebound woman. No matter how far he climbed, her role remained the same. The economic relationship between the sexes here operates[2] with tremendous force. Relying on men for her financial benefit, her household work remained tied to gender roles and was never allowed to enter the open market, leaving her original inclination to work in quiet satisfaction unchanged. If we imagine for a moment a world like ours, where all our complex business activities are run by women, while men exist in the status of the early male savage—painted warriors, ready for battle, and useful for little else—we can compare it to our current reality, where business activities are controlled by men, and women remain in the role of the early female savage—compliant workers for the family, and useful for little else. That's the second limitation of the housewife: she is merely working for her own family—in terms of gender roles—not economic roles; serving the family instead of serving the larger world.
Next comes her isolation. Even the bottom-level of a universal average—even the blind patience of a working mother—could be helped up a little under the beneficent influence of association. In the days when the ingenious squaw led the world, she had it. The women toiled together at their primitive tasks and talked together as they toiled. The women who founded the beginnings of agriculture were founders also of the village; and their feminine constructive tendencies held it together while the destructive tendencies of the belligerent male continually tore it apart. All through that babyhood of civilisation, the hunting and fighting instinct made men prey upon the accumulated wealth resultant from the labouring instinct of women—but industry conquered, being the best. As industry developed, as riches increased, as property rights were defined, as religions grew, women were confined more and more closely at home. Later civilisations have let them out to play—but not to work. The parasitic female of the upper classes is allowed the empty freedom of association with her useless kind; but the housewife is still confined to the house.
Next comes her isolation. Even the lowest level of a universal average—even the blind patience of a working mother—could improve a bit under the positive influence of community. Back when the clever woman led the world, she had that. The women worked together on their basic tasks and chatted as they worked. The women who laid the foundations of agriculture also started the village; and their nurturing tendencies held it together while the destructive tendencies of aggressive men constantly tore it apart. Throughout that early period of civilization, the hunting and fighting instinct led men to prey on the accumulated wealth that resulted from the hard work of women—but industry prevailed, being the strongest. As industry evolved, wealth increased, property rights were established, and religions grew, women were increasingly confined to the home. Later civilizations have allowed them some freedom to socialize—but not to work. The privileged woman of the upper classes is granted the superficial freedom of mingling with her idle peers; but the housewife is still trapped in the home.
We are now giving great attention to this matter of home industry. We are founding chairs of Household Science, we are writing books on Domestic Economics; we are striving mightily to elevate the standard of home industry—and we omit to notice that it is just because it is home industry that all this trouble is necessary.
We are currently focusing a lot on the topic of home industry. We're establishing programs in Household Science, writing books on Domestic Economics, and working hard to raise the standard of home industry—and we fail to realize that it’s precisely because it’s home industry that all this effort is needed.
So far as home industry had been affected by world industry, it has improved. The implements of cooking and cleaning, for instance—where should we be if our modern squaw had to make her own utensils, as did her ancient prototype? The man, in world industry, makes not only the house, with all its elaborate labour-saving and health-protecting devices; not only the furniture of the house, the ornaments, hangings, and decorations, but the implements of the home industries as well. Go to the household furnishing store of our day—remember the one pot of the savage family to boil the meat and wash the baby—and see the difference between "homemade" and "world-made" things.
As much as home industry has been influenced by global industry, it has improved. Take cooking and cleaning tools, for example—where would we be if our modern homemaker had to make her own utensils like her ancient counterpart? In global industry, people not only build the house with all its advanced labor-saving and health-protecting features; they also create the furniture, decorations, and all the tools for home industries. Visit a modern household furnishings store—think about that one pot the primitive family used to cook meat and wash the baby—and notice the difference between "homemade" and "world-made" items.
So far as home industry has progressed, it is through contact with the moving world outside; so far as it remains undeveloped, it is through the inexorable limitations of the home in itself.
As far as home industry has advanced, it has been through interaction with the changing world outside; as far as it hasn't developed, it's due to the harsh limitations of the home itself.
There is one more limitation to be considered—the number of occupations practised. Though man has taken out and developed all the great trades, and, indeed, all trades beyond a certain grade, he has left the roots of quite a number at home. The housewife practises the conflicting elements of many kinds of work. First, she is cook. Whatever else is done or undone, we must eat; and since eating is ordained to be done at home, that is her predominant trade. The preparation and service of food is a most useful function; and as a world-industry, in the hands of professionals, students, and experts, it has reached a comparatively high stage of development.
There’s one more limitation to consider—the number of jobs people have. Although humanity has created and advanced all the major professions, and really all jobs beyond a certain level, many basic ones are still done at home. The housewife manages a mix of various tasks. First, she is a cook. No matter what else is done or not done, we need to eat; and since meals are meant to be prepared at home, that becomes her main job. Preparing and serving food is a really important role, and as a global industry, in the hands of professionals, students, and experts, it has developed to a fairly advanced level.
In the nine-tenths of our homes where the housewife is cook, it comes under all these limitations: First, average capacity; second, sex-tendency; third, isolation; fourth, conflicting duties.
In the nine-tenths of our homes where the housewife is the cook, it faces all these limitations: First, average ability; second, gender tendencies; third, isolation; and fourth, conflicting responsibilities.
The cook, having also the cleaning to do, the sewing, mending, nursing, and care of children, the amount of time given to cooking is perforce limited. But even the plainest of home cooking must take up a good proportion of the day. The cooking, service, and "cleaning up" of ordinary meals, in a farmhouse, with the contributory processes of picking, sorting, peeling, washing, etc., and the extra time given to special baking, pickling, and preserving, take fully six hours a day. To the man, who is out of the house during work-hours, and who seldom estimates woman's work at its real value, this may seem extreme, but the working housewife knows it is a fair allowance, even a modest one.
The cook, who also has to handle cleaning, sewing, mending, nursing, and taking care of the kids, naturally has limited time for cooking. Yet, even the simplest home-cooked meals take up a significant portion of the day. The cooking, serving, and cleanup for typical meals in a farmhouse, along with the tasks of picking, sorting, peeling, washing, and the extra time spent on special baking, pickling, and preserving, require nearly six hours each day. For a man who is away from home during work hours and often undervalues a woman's work, this might seem excessive, but the working housewife knows that it's a reasonable, even modest, amount of time.
There are degrees of speed, skill, intelligence, and purchasing power, of course; but this is a modest average; two hours for breakfast, three for dinner, one for supper. The preparation of food as a household industry takes up half the working time of half the population of the world. This utterly undeveloped industry, inadequate and exhausting, takes nearly a quarter of a twelve-hour day of the world's working force.
There are levels of speed, skill, intelligence, and buying power, of course; but this is a reasonable average: two hours for breakfast, three for dinner, one for supper. The process of making food as a home-based job takes up half the working time of half the global population. This completely undeveloped industry, insufficient and tiring, consumes nearly a quarter of a twelve-hour workday of the world’s labor force.
Cooking and sewing are inimical; the sewing of the housewife is quite generally pushed over into the evening as well as afternoon, thus lengthening her day considerably. Nursing, as applied to the sick, must come in when it happens, other things giving way at that time. Cleaning is continuous. Cooking, of course, makes cleaning; the two main elements of dirt in the household being grease and ashes; another, and omnipresent one, dust. Then, there are the children to clean, and the clothes to clean—this latter so considerable an item as to take two days of extra labour—during which, of course, other departments must be less attended.
Cooking and sewing clash with each other; a housewife usually ends up sewing in the evening as well as the afternoon, which really extends her day. Nursing the sick has to happen whenever needed, so other tasks take a backseat during those times. Cleaning is a constant chore. Cooking creates messes, with the main sources of dirt at home being grease and ashes, and there’s also the ever-present dust. Plus, there are children to clean up after and clothes to wash—this last task can take up two extra days of work, meaning other areas can’t get as much attention.
We have the regular daily labour of serving meals and "clearing up," we have the regular daily labour of keeping the home in order; then we have the washing day, ironing day, baking day, and sweeping day. Some make a special mending day also. This division, best observed by the most competent, is a heroic monument to the undying efforts of the human worker to specialise. But we have left out one, and the most important one, of our home industries—the care of children.
We have the daily routine of serving meals and cleaning up, we have the daily work of keeping the house organized; then we have laundry day, ironing day, baking day, and sweeping day. Some people even set aside a special day for mending. This division of tasks, best practiced by the most skilled, is a testament to the relentless efforts of people to specialize. But we've overlooked one crucial aspect of our home life—the care of children.
Where is Children's Day?
Where is Kids' Day?
The children are there every day, of course. Yes, but which hour of the day? With six for food, with—spreading out the washing and ironing over the week—two for laundry, with—spreading the sweeping day and adding the daily dusting and setting to rights—two for cleaning; and another two for sewing—after these twelve hours of necessary labour are accounted for, what time remains for the children?
The kids are there every day, of course. But at what hour of the day? With six hours for meals, two for laundry spread out over the week, two for cleaning by spreading out the sweeping and adding daily dusting and tidying up, and another two for sewing—after accounting for these twelve hours of necessary work, what time is left for the kids?
The initial purpose of the home is the care of children. The initial purpose of motherhood is the care of children. How are the duties of the mother compatible with the duties of the housewife? How can child-culture, as a branch of human progress, rise to any degree of proficiency in this swarming heap of rudimentary trades?
The main purpose of a home is to take care of children. The primary role of motherhood is to care for kids. How do the responsibilities of a mother work with the responsibilities of a housewife? How can the education of children, as part of human development, make any real progress in this busy mess of basic jobs?
Nothing is asked—here—as to how the housewife, doing all these things together her life long, can herself find time for culture and development; or how can she catch any glimmer of civic duty or public service beyond this towering pile of domestic duty and household service. The particular point herein advanced is that the conditions of home industry as such forever limit the growth of the industry so practised; forever limit the growth of the persons so practising them; and also tend to limit the growth of the society which is content to leave any of its essential functions in this distorted state.
Nothing is being considered here about how a housewife, juggling all these responsibilities her entire life, can find time for personal growth and culture; or how she can engage with civic duties or public service beyond the overwhelming demands of domestic responsibilities and household chores. The main point being made is that the conditions of home industry as such constantly restrict the development of the industry itself; continually limit the growth of the individuals involved in it; and also tend to hamper the progress of the society that is satisfied to leave any of its essential functions in this skewed situation.
Our efforts to "lift the standard of household industry" ignore the laws of industry. We seek by talking and writing, by poetising and sermonising, and playing on every tender sentiment and devout aspiration, to convince the housewife that there is something particularly exalted and beautiful, as well as useful, in her occupation. This shows our deep-rooted error of sex-distinction in industry. We consider the work of the woman in the house as essentially feminine, and fail to see that, as work, it is exactly like any other kind of human activity, having the same limitations and the same possibilities.
Our attempts to "raise the standard of household work" overlook the realities of industry. We try to persuade the housewife, through discussion and writing, by romanticizing and preaching, and appealing to every gentle feeling and noble wish, that there is something especially noble and beautiful, in addition to being useful, about her work. This highlights our deep-seated misconception about gender roles in industry. We view women's work at home as inherently feminine and fail to recognize that, as work, it is just like any other human activity, with the same limitations and possibilities.
Suppose we change the sex and consider for a while the status of a house-husband. He could be a tall, strong, fine-looking person—man-servants often are. He could love his wife and his children—industrial status does not affect these primal instincts. He could toil from morning to night, manfully, to meet their needs.
Suppose we switch the gender and think for a moment about the role of a stay-at-home dad. He might be a tall, strong, good-looking guy—stay-at-home dads often are. He could care deeply for his partner and kids—his job status doesn’t change those basic feelings. He could work hard from morning to night, bravely, to support them.
Suppose we are visiting in such a family. We should find a very rude small hut—no one man could build much of a house, but, ah! the tender love, the pride, the intimate emotion he would put into that hut! For his heart's dearest—for his precious little ones—he had dragged together the fallen logs—chipped them smooth with his flint-ax (there could have been no metal work while every man was a house-husband), and piled them together. With patient, loving hands he had daubed the chinks with clay, made beds of leaves, hung hides upon the walls. Even some rude stools he might have contrived—though furniture really belongs to a later period. But over all comes the incessant demand for food. His cherished family must eat, often and often, and under that imperative necessity all others wait.
Suppose we are visiting a family like this. We would find a very basic little hut—no one man could build a proper house, but, wow! the love, the pride, the deep emotions he would pour into that hut! For his heart's greatest treasures—for his precious little ones—he had gathered the fallen logs—smoothed them out with his flint axe (there couldn't have been any metalwork while every man was a stay-at-home dad), and stacked them together. With patient, loving hands, he had filled the gaps with clay, made beds out of leaves, hung animal hides on the walls. He might have even made some rough stools—though furniture really comes later. But above all else is the constant need for food. His beloved family has to eat, often and often, and under that urgent necessity, everything else takes a backseat.
So he goes forth to the hunt, brave, subtle, fiercely ingenious; and, actuated by his ceaseless love for his family he performs wonders. He brings home the food—day after day—even sometimes enough for several days, though meat does not keep very long. The family would have food of a sort, shelter of a sort, and love. But try to point out to the house-husband what other things he could obtain for them, create for them, provide for them, if he learned to combine with other men, to exchange labour, to organise industry. See his virtuous horror!
So he heads out to hunt, brave, clever, and incredibly resourceful; motivated by his endless love for his family, he accomplishes amazing things. He brings home food—day after day—even sometimes enough for several days, even though meat doesn't last very long. The family has some food, some shelter, and love. But if you try to show the stay-at-home dad what other things he could get for them, create for them, or provide for them by teaming up with other men, exchanging labor, and organizing work, just look at his horrified reaction!
What! Give up his duty to his family! Let another man hunt for them!—another man build their home—another man make their garments! He will not hear of it. "It is my duty as a husband," he will tell you, "to serve my wife. It is my duty as a father to serve my children. No other person could love them as I do, and without that love the work would not be done as well." Strong in this conviction, the house-husband would remain intrenched in his home, serving his family with might and main, having no time, no strength, no brain capacity for undertaking larger methods; and there he and his family would all be, immovable in the Stone Age.
What! Give up his responsibility to his family! Let someone else provide for them!—someone else build their home—someone else make their clothes! He won’t consider it. "It’s my responsibility as a husband," he’ll say, "to take care of my wife. It’s my responsibility as a father to look after my children. No one else could love them like I do, and without that love, the work wouldn’t be done as well." Firm in this belief, the stay-at-home dad would stay put in his home, doing everything he can for his family, with no time, no energy, and no mental capacity to pursue bigger opportunities; and there they all would remain, stuck in the Stone Age.
Never was any such idiot on earth as this hypothetical home-husband. It was not in him to stay in such primitive restrictions. But he has been quite willing to leave his wife in that interestingly remote period.
Never was there anyone as foolish as this imaginary stay-at-home husband. He wasn't the type to accept such basic limitations. But he has been more than happy to leave his wife in that fascinatingly distant time.
The permanent error of the housewife lies in that assumption that her love for her family makes her service satisfactory. Family affection has nothing to do with the specialist's skill; nor with the specialist's love of his work for the pleasure of doing it. That is the kind of love that makes good work; and that is the kind of work the world needs and the families within it. Men, specialised, give to their families all that we know of modern comforts, of scientific appliances, of works of art, of the complex necessities and conveniences of modern life. Women, unspecialised, refuse to benefit their families in like proportion; but offer to them only the grade of service which was proper enough in the Stone Age, but is a historic disgrace to-day.
The ongoing mistake of the housewife is in believing that her love for her family makes her work enough. Family affection doesn't relate to a specialist's skill or their passion for their job. It's that kind of passion that leads to great work; and that's the type of work the world and families need. Specialized men provide their families with all the modern comforts, scientific tools, art, and the complex needs and conveniences of contemporary life. In contrast, unspecialized women fail to support their families to the same extent; instead, they offer a level of service that was acceptable in the Stone Age but is an embarrassment today.
A house does not need a wife any more than it does a husband. Are we never to have a man-wife? A really suitable and profitable companion for a man instead of the bond-slave of a house? There is nothing in the work of a house which requires marital or maternal affection. It does require highly developed skill and business sense—but these it fails to get.
A house doesn’t need a wife any more than it needs a husband. Are we never going to have a man-wife? A truly suitable and beneficial partner for a man instead of just the caretaker of the house? There’s nothing in running a house that requires romantic or maternal love. It does need advanced skills and good business sense—but it doesn’t get those.
Would any amount of love on the part of that inconceivable house-husband justify him in depriving his family of all the fruits of progress? What a colossal charge of malfeasance in office could be brought against such a husband—such a father; who, under the name of love, should so fail in his great first duty—Progress.
Would any amount of love from that unimaginable stay-at-home dad make it okay for him to take away everything his family has gained from progress? What a huge case of wrongdoing could be made against such a husband—such a father—who, in the name of love, completely fails in his most important responsibility—Progress.
How does the woman escape this charge? Why is not she responsible for progress, too? By that strange assumption does she justify this refusal to keep step with the world? She will tell you, perhaps, that she cannot do more than she does—she has neither time nor strength nor ambition for any more work. So might the house-husband have defended himself—as honestly and as reasonably. It is true. While every man had to spend all his time providing for his own family, no man ever had, or ever could have, time, strength, or ambition to do more.
How does the woman escape this blame? Why isn't she held accountable for progress as well? Is it this odd belief that justifies her refusal to keep up with the world? She might tell you that she can't do any more than she already does—she lacks the time, energy, or ambition for any extra work. The stay-at-home dad could have made the same argument—as honestly and reasonably. It's true. While every man had to dedicate all his time to supporting his family, no man ever had, or could have, the time, energy, or ambition to do more.
It is not more work that is asked of women, but less. It is a different method of work. Human progress rests upon the interchange of labour; upon work done humanly for each other, not, like the efforts of the savage or the brute, done only for one's own. The housewife, blinded by her ancient duty, fails in her modern duty.
It isn’t more work that’s expected from women, but less. It’s a different way of working. Human progress depends on the sharing of labor; on work done collectively for one another, not like the efforts of the savage or the beast, which are only for oneself. The housewife, limited by her traditional responsibilities, neglects her modern responsibilities.
It is true that, while she does this work in this way, she can do no more. Therefore she must stop doing it, and learn to do differently. The house will not be "neglected" by her so doing; but is even now most shamefully neglected by her antique methods of labour. The family will not be less loved because it has a skilled worker to love it. Love has to pass muster in results, as well as intentions. Here are five mothers, equally loving. One is a Hottentot. One is an Eskimo. One is a Hindoo. One is a German peasant woman. One is an American and a successful physician.
It’s true that as long as she keeps working this way, she can’t do any more than this. So, she has to stop and learn to do it differently. The house won’t be “neglected” by her stopping; it’s actually being badly neglected right now because of her outdated methods. The family won’t be loved any less just because there’s a skilled worker to care for it. Love needs to show results, not just intentions. Here are five mothers, all equally loving: One is a Hottentot. One is an Eskimo. One is a Hindoo. One is a German peasant woman. One is an American and a successful physician.
Which could do most for her children? All might compete on even terms if "love is enough," as poets have claimed; but which could best provide for her children?
Which could do the most for her children? All might compete equally if "love is enough," as poets have said; but which could provide the best for her children?
Neither overflowing heart nor overburdened hand sufficiently counts in the uplifting of the race; that rests on what is done. The position of the housewife is a final limitation and a continuous, increasing injury both to the specific industries of the place, and to her first great duty of motherhood. The human race, fathered only by house-husbands, would never have moved at all. The human race, mothered only by housewives, has moved only half as fast and as far as it rightly should have done, and the work the patient housewife spends her life on is pitifully behind in the march of events. The home as a workshop is utterly insufficient to rightly serve the needs of the growing world.
Neither an overflowing heart nor an overwhelmed hand is enough to elevate society; that depends on what is done. The role of the housewife is a significant limitation and a continuous, growing harm both to the local industries and to her primary duty of motherhood. The human race, raised solely by house-husbands, would never have progressed at all. The human race, raised solely by housewives, has only progressed half as quickly and as far as it ought to have, and the work that the dedicated housewife invests her life in is sadly lagging behind in the evolution of society. The home as a workplace is completely inadequate to effectively meet the needs of the expanding world.
- [1]
- See Otis Mason, "Woman's Share in Primitive Culture."
- [2]
- See "Women and Economics," C. P. Stetson.
VI
HOME AS A WORKSPACE
II. The Housemaid
II. The Housekeeper
Among that tenth part of the population sufficiently rich to keep servants, the conditions of domestic industry are familiar to us. This is the tenth which is most conscious, and most vocal. It has the widest range of social contact; it is most in touch with literature; both in speech and writing we hear oftenest from the small class who keep servants.
Among the one-tenth of the population that's rich enough to employ servants, the state of domestic work is well known to us. This is the portion that is most aware and most outspoken. They have the broadest social interactions; they're most connected with literature; and we hear the most from the small class that employs servants, both in conversation and in writing.
The woman who does her own work is not usually a writer and has little time for reading. Moreover, her difficulties, though great, are not of the sort that confound the mistress of servants. The housewife is held to her work by duty and by love; also by necessity. She cannot "better herself" by leaving; and indeed, without grave loss and pain, she cannot leave at all. So the housewife struggles on, too busy to complain; and accomplishes, under this threefold bond of duty, love, and necessity far more than can be expected of a comparatively free agent.
The woman who handles her own responsibilities isn’t usually a writer and has little time for reading. Also, her challenges, while significant, aren’t the same as those that complicate a lady in charge of staff. The housewife is committed to her work out of duty, love, and necessity. She can’t “improve her situation” by leaving; in fact, she can’t leave at all without serious loss and pain. So, the housewife keeps going, too busy to complain, and ends up achieving far more than what could be expected from someone with more freedom.
Therefore we hear little of the "problem" of domestic service where the wife is the servant; and have to draw our conclusions from such data as the large percentage of farmers' wives who become insane, and such generalisations as those of the preceding chapter. But the "Servant Question" is clearly before us. It is an economic problem which presses upon us all, (that tenth of us all which is so prominent that it tacitly assumes its problem to be universal;) and the pressure of which increases daily. We are even beginning to study it scientifically. Miss Salmon's valuable book on "Domestic Service" contributes much useful information. The Household Economic Association exists largely to alleviate the distresses of this system of industry. Scarce one woman (of this tenth) but feels the pinch of our imperfect method of doing housework, and as they become better educated and more intelligent, as some of them even learn something of more advanced economic processes, this crude, expensive, and inadequate system causes more and more uneasiness and distress.
Therefore, we hear little about the "problem" of domestic work where the wife is the maid; we have to form our conclusions based on data like the high percentage of farmers' wives who end up suffering from mental health issues, as well as generalizations from the previous chapter. But the "Servant Question" is clearly relevant. It's an economic issue that impacts all of us, (that one-tenth of us who are so noticeable that it silently assumes its problem is universal); and the pressure from this issue grows every day. We're even starting to study it more scientifically. Miss Salmon's valuable book on "Domestic Service" offers a lot of useful insights. The Household Economic Association mainly exists to help ease the struggles within this system of work. Almost every woman (from that one-tenth) feels the strain of our flawed approach to housework, and as they become better educated and more informed, and as some of them even learn about more advanced economic methods, this crude, costly, and inadequate system causes increasing unease and distress.
What is the status of household industry as practised by servants? It is this: The Housewife having become the Lady of the House, and the work still having to be done in the house, others must be induced to do it. In the period from which this custom dates it was a simple matter of elevating "the wife or chief wife"[3] to a position of dominance, and leaving the work to be done by the rest of the women. Domestic service, as an industrial status, dates from the period of the polygynous group; the household with the male head and the group of serving women; from the time when wives were slaves and slaves were wives, indiscriminately. (See domestic relations of Jacob.)
What is the status of household work as done by servants? Here it is: The Housewife has become the Lady of the House, and since the work still needs to be done in the house, others have to be brought in to do it. During the time when this custom came about, it was simply a matter of promoting "the wife or main wife"[3] to a position of authority, leaving the chores to be handled by the other women. Domestic service, as an industrial role, originated in the time of the polygamous household; the home with a male leader and a group of serving women; from the era when wives were considered slaves and slaves were considered wives, without distinction. (See domestic relations of Jacob.)
The genesis of the relation being thus established, it is easy to account for its present peculiar and dominating condition—celibacy. The housemaid is the modern derivative from the slave-wife. She may no longer be the sub-wife of the master—but neither may she be another man's wife.
The beginning of this relationship being established, it’s easy to explain its current unique and dominant state—celibacy. The housemaid is the modern version of the slave-wife. She might no longer be the subordinate wife of the master—but she also can’t be another man’s wife.
No married man wishes his wife to serve another man. This household service, being esteemed as a distinctly feminine function, closely involved with maternity, or at least with marriage, or, if not with marriage, at the very least with woman's devotion, and quite inconsistent with any other marriage; therefore we find the labours of the household performed by celibate women of a lower class. Our modern household is but a variation of the primitive group—the man and his serving women still.
No married man wants his wife to serve another man. This household work is seen as a feminine role, closely tied to motherhood, or at least to marriage, or, if not marriage, then at least to a woman's dedication, which really doesn’t fit with any other marriage. That’s why we find household tasks being done by unmarried women from lower classes. Our modern household is just a variation of the basic group—the man and his serving women still.
In the period of slave labour, where both men and women were owned and exploited, we find household labour performed by men; and in those Oriental nations where slavery yet exists we find man-service common in the home. Also in nations still influenced by feudalism, where service once went with the soil, where the lord is still attended by what was originally his contingent of fighting men, but which has gradually dwindled to an array of footmen and butlers; there we find men still contented, or partially contented, to do house-service. But it ranks last and lowest in man's mind, and justly. As fast as industrial evolution progresses we find men less and less content to do this work in this way; or, for that matter, women either.
During the time of slavery, when both men and women were owned and exploited, we see men performing household tasks. In those Eastern nations where slavery still exists, men doing housework is quite common. Similarly, in countries still influenced by feudalism, where service was once tied to the land and where the lord is still accompanied by the remnants of his original group of soldiers—now reduced to a collection of footmen and butlers—men are still somewhat willing to do domestic work. However, this type of work is seen as the least important by men, and rightly so. As industrial evolution continues, men are increasingly unwilling to do this kind of work, and the same goes for women.
In the highly advanced economic status of America we are especially confronted with this difficulty, and have to supply our needs from nations still largely under the influence of the feudal régime, or those in the yet lower period of slavery. Men-servants, when obtained, are generally satisfactory; no public outcry is made over them. It is the "servant-girl" that constitutes the element of difficulty, and it is she that we must consider.
In America’s advanced economy, we face this challenge more than ever, relying on countries that are still heavily influenced by feudal systems or are even in earlier stages of slavery. When we do get male servants, they are usually fine, and there are no complaints about them. It’s the “servant girl” that creates the issues, and that’s who we need to focus on.
Let it be clearly held in mind that the very first economic relation was that of sex, based on the natural tendency of the female to work; sex-labour. The second stage of economic relation is that of force; slave-labour. The next is that of payment, what we call the contract system; wage-labour.
Let it be clearly understood that the very first economic relationship was based on sex, rooted in the natural tendency of women to work; sex-labor. The second stage of economic relationship is based on force; slave-labor. The next stage is about payment, which we call the contract system; wage-labor.
Social evolution still shows us all these forms actively present in this age, though belonging to such remote and different ones; just as physical evolution still shows us monad and mollusk as well as vertebrate mammals. Each stage has its use and value. But when an early stage comes into contact with a later one there is trouble.
Social evolution still shows us all these forms actively present in this age, even though they belong to such distant and different times; just as physical evolution still shows us monads and mollusks as well as vertebrate mammals. Each stage has its use and value. But when an earlier stage interacts with a later one, there’s conflict.
We have all seen how inevitably a savage status recedes and disappears before the civilised. Individual savages may be assimilated by the civilised competing race; but savagery and civilisation cannot coexist when they come in contact and competition. A savage cult may endure on an island in the South Seas, but not in England or America. So an early status of labour has to give way to a later; as shown so conspicuously in the last great historic instance in our own country.
We’ve all seen how a primitive society eventually fades away when faced with a civilized one. Individual members of a primitive society might be absorbed by the competing civilized society, but savagery and civilization can't coexist when they interact and compete. A primitive culture may survive on a remote island, but not in England or America. Similarly, an earlier stage of labor must yield to a later one, as clearly demonstrated in the most recent significant historical example in our own country.
Household industry is a mixed status, composed mainly of sex-labour, the first stage; and partially of slave-labour, the second. This slave-labour is in the act of changing to contract labour; and, as such, cannot endure the conditions of home industry. The housewife has to, the house-slave had to, the house-servant mostly had to; but the house-employee does not have to, and will not if she can help it.
Household industry has a mixed status, mainly involving domestic labor in the first stage and partially involving servitude in the second. This servitude is transitioning into contract labor, and cannot survive under the conditions of home industry. The housewife has to, the house-slave had to, the house-servant mostly had to; but the house-employee doesn’t have to, and won’t if she can avoid it.
The contract status of labour is incompatible with home industry. Note how the condition of celibacy intereacts upon the relation. We expect of our house-servants that they be "attached," "loyal," "faithful," "respectful," "devoted"; we do not say they always are, but that is our ideal; these are the qualities for which we most praise them. Attachment is especially valued. If only we could still own them! Then there would be that pleasant sense of permanence and security so painfully lacking in our modern house-service. Short of owning them we seek by various futile methods to "attach" them. Some societies give medals for long service. The best thing we can say of a servant is "she stayed with me for seven years!" or whatever period we can boast. Now we do not seek to "attach" our butcher or baker or candlestick-maker; why our cook? Because this status of celibacy has necessarily resulted in the most painful conditions of transient incapacity in house-service.
The status of labor in the home doesn't fit with how home industry works. Notice how the requirement of being single affects the relationship. We expect our household staff to be "attached," "loyal," "faithful," "respectful," and "devoted." We don't claim they always meet these expectations, but that's our ideal; these are the qualities we admire most. Attachment is particularly valued. If only we could still own them! Then there would be that comforting sense of permanence and security that's sadly missing in modern domestic service. Instead of owning them, we try various ineffective ways to create attachment. Some organizations award medals for long service. The best thing we can say about a servant is, "she worked for me for seven years!" or whatever duration we can claim. We don’t try to create attachment with our butcher, baker, or candlestick maker; so why do we do it with our cook? Because the requirement of being single has led to the most painful issues of instability in home service.
People must marry. People ought to marry. People will marry, whether we say yes or no. Why should the housemaid stay a maid for our sakes? What do we offer in the exciting prospect of always doing the same work for the same wages, compared to the prospect of doing the same work, without wages, it is true, but with a "mechanic's lien" on her husband's purse? Or what would any scale of wages or promotion be against the joys of a home of her own, a husband of her own, children of her own?
People need to get married. People should get married. People will get married, whether we agree or not. Why should the housemaid remain a maid just for our sake? What do we offer in the thrilling possibility of doing the same job for the same pay, compared to the chance of doing the same job, it's true, without pay, but with a "mechanic's lien" on her husband's money? Or what would any salary or promotion be against the happiness of having her own home, her own husband, her own children?
We, intrenched in our own homes and families, think she ought to be satisfied with serving our husbands and children, but she is not—and never will be. There is of course a certain percentage of old maids and widows, sufficiently disagreeable not to be wanted by their relatives, or sufficiently independent not to want them; sufficiently capable to hold a place as house-servant, but not sufficiently capable to follow any other trade; or, in last possibility, there is here and there that Blessed Damosel of our domestic dreams—a strong, capable, ingenious woman, not hampered by any personal ties or affections; not choosing to marry; preferring to work in a kitchen to working in a shop; and so impressed by the august virtues and supreme importance of our family that she becomes "attached" to it for life. These cases are, however, rare. In the vast majority of households the maid is a maid, a young woman of the lower classes, doing this work because she can do no other, and doing it only until she marries. The resultant conditions of the industry so practised are precisely what we might expect.
We, settled in our own homes and families, think she should be happy serving our husbands and kids, but she isn’t—and she never will be. There is, of course, a certain number of old maids and widows, who are either unpleasant enough to be unwanted by their relatives or independent enough not to need them; capable enough to work as housekeepers, but not skilled enough to pursue any other job; or, in rare cases, there is that Blessed Damosel of our domestic dreams—a strong, capable, creative woman, not held back by any personal ties or feelings; who chooses not to marry; who prefers working in a kitchen to working in a store; and who is so impressed by the noble qualities and importance of our family that she becomes "attached" to it for life. These cases are, however, uncommon. In most households, the maid is a maid, a young woman from the lower classes, doing this job because she can’t do anything else, and doing it only until she gets married. The resulting conditions of the industry are exactly what we would expect.
This young woman is in no way attached to the family. A family is connected by the ties of sex, by marriage and heredity, with occasional cases of adoption. If the servant is not a relative, or adopted, she does not belong to the family. She has left her father's family, and looks forward to her husband's, meanwhile as an aid to the first or a means to the latter, she serves ours. She is of the lower classes because no others will do this work. She is ignorant because, if she were intelligent, she would not do it—does not do it; the well-schooled, well-trained young woman much prefers other work. So we find household industry in that tenth of our homes not served by the housewife, is in the hands of ignorant and inferior young women, under conditions of constant change.
This young woman is not connected to the family in any way. A family is formed by sexual ties, marriage, and inheritance, with some cases of adoption. If the servant isn’t a relative or adopted, she doesn’t belong to the family. She has left her father’s family and is looking forward to joining her husband’s family; in the meantime, she serves ours as either support for her first family or a pathway to her future one. She comes from the lower classes because no one else will do this work. She is uneducated because if she were smart, she wouldn’t do it—she doesn’t do it; the well-educated, well-trained young woman prefers other jobs. So, we find that the household work in that small portion of our homes not managed by the housewife is handled by uneducated and less capable young women, under conditions of constant change.
The position of the lady of the house, as this procession of untrained, half-trained, ill-trained, or at least otherwise-trained young women march through her domain, is like that of the sergeant of companies of raw recruits. She "lifts 'em—lifts 'em—lifts 'em"—but there is never any "charge that wins the day."
The role of the lady of the house, as this parade of untrained, half-trained, poorly trained, or at least differently trained young women moves through her space, is similar to that of a sergeant managing groups of inexperienced recruits. She "lifts them—lifts them—lifts them"—but there’s never any "charge that wins the day."
Household industry we must constantly remember never rises to the level of a regular trade. It is service—not "skilled labour." What is done there is done under no broad light of public improvement, but is merely catering to the personal tastes and habits, whims and fancies of one family. The lady of the house is by no means a captain of industry. She is not a trainer and governor of able subordinates, like the mate of a ship or the manager of a hotel. Her position is not one of power, but of helplessness. She has to be done for and waited on. Whatever maternal instinct may achieve at first hand in the woman-who-does-her-own-work, it does not make competent instructors. When the lady of the house's husband gets rich enough she hires a house-keeper to engage, discharge, train, and manage the housemaids.
Household work is something we need to remember never quite measures up to a regular job. It's about service—not "skilled labor." What goes on there isn’t about making broad improvements for the community; it’s just about catering to the preferences and routines of one family. The woman of the house is definitely not a leader in industry. She isn’t a trainer or manager of capable staff, like a ship's first mate or a hotel manager. Her role is not one of authority; it's actually one of dependence. She needs to be taken care of and waited on. Whatever maternal instincts might help a woman who takes care of her own home, they do not make her a skilled trainer. When the lady of the house's husband becomes wealthy enough, she hires a housekeeper to recruit, fire, train, and manage the maids.
Here and there we do find an efficient lady of the house who can do wonders even with this stream of transient incapacity, but the prominence of the servant-question proves her rarity. If all ladies of houses could bring order out of such chaos, could meet constant needs by transient means, the subtleties of refined tastes by the inefficiencies of unskilled labour, then nothing more need be said. But the thing cannot be done. The average house-mistress is not a servant-charmer and the average housemaid is necessarily incapable. This is what should be squarely faced and acknowledged. The kind of work that needs to be done to keep a modern home healthy, comfortable, and refined, cannot be done—can never be done—by this office-boy grade of labour. Because home industry is home industry, because it has been left aborted in the darkness of private life while other industries have grown so broad and high in the light of public life, we have utterly failed to recognise its true value.
Here and there, we do find an efficient housewife who can work wonders even with the challenges of temporary incapacity, but the significance of the servant issue highlights how rare she is. If all housewives could bring order from such chaos, could meet constant needs with temporary solutions, and could achieve the subtleties of refined tastes through the inefficiencies of unskilled labor, then nothing more would need to be said. But the truth is, this simply can't be done. The average house mistress isn't a servant whisperer, and the average housemaid is necessarily incapable. This is something we must face and acknowledge directly. The kind of work necessary to keep a modern home healthy, comfortable, and refined cannot be done—can never be done—by this low-level type of labor. Because home industry is home industry, because it has been left undeveloped in the shadows of private life while other industries have flourished in the light of public life, we have completely failed to recognize its true value.
These industries, so long neglected and misused, are of supreme importance. The two main ones—the preparation of food and the care of children—can hardly be over-estimated in value to the race. On the one the health of the world mainly depends, yes, its very life. On the other the progress of the world depends, and that is more than life. That these two great social functions should be left contentedly to the hands of absolutely the lowest grade of labour in our civilisation is astounding. It is the lowest grade of labour not because it is performed by the lowest class of labour—humanity can grow to splendid heights from that beginning, and does so every day; but it is the lowest because it is carried on in the home.
These industries, which have been overlooked and misused for so long, are incredibly important. The two main ones—the preparation of food and the care of children—are invaluable to humanity. The health of the world relies heavily on the first, yes, its very existence. Meanwhile, the progress of the world relies on the second, and that is more than just life. It's shocking that these two essential social functions are left comfortably in the hands of absolutely the lowest grade of labor in our civilization. It’s not the lowest grade of labor because it's done by the poorest class—people can rise to amazing heights from that starting point, and they do every day; rather, it’s considered the lowest because it happens at home.
The conditions of home industry as practised by either housewife or housemaid are hopelessly restrictive. They are, as we have seen, the low standard of average capacity; the element of sex-tendency; the isolation and the unspecialised nature of the work. In two of these conditions the housemaid gains on the housewife. She is partly out of the sex-tendency status and partly into the contract relation; hence the patient, submissive, conservative influence is lightened. In families of greater affluence there is some specialisation; we have varieties in housemaid; cookmaid, scullerymaid, nursemaid, chambermaid, parlourmaid,—as many as we can afford; and in such families we find such elevation of home-industry as is possible; marred, however, by serious limitations.
The conditions of home industry as practiced by either housewife or housemaid are incredibly limiting. As we've discussed, they reflect the low standard of average capability, the influence of gender roles, the isolation, and the lack of specialization in the work. In two of these aspects, the housemaid has an advantage over the housewife. She is partly removed from the constraints of gender roles and partly involved in a contractual relationship; as a result, the pressure to be patient, submissive, and conservative is lessened. In wealthier families, there is some specialization; we see different types of housemaids—such as cookmaids, scullery maids, nursemaids, chambermaids, and parlour maids—depending on what the family can afford. In these households, we can find some improvement in home industry, although it is still hindered by significant limitations.
Household industry is a world question; and in no way to be answered by a solution only possible of application to one family in a thousand. It is a question of our time and the future, and not met by a solution which consists in maintaining an elaborate archaism. The proper feeding of the world to-day is no more to be guaranteed by one millionaire's French cook, than was the health of the Roman world by one patrician's Greek doctor.
Household industry is a global issue, and it can't be solved with an answer that only works for one family out of a thousand. It's a question relevant to our time and the future, and can't be addressed by sticking to old-fashioned methods. Today's world can't rely on a wealthy person's French chef any more than the health of ancient Rome depended on one rich person's Greek doctor.
Human needs, in remote low stages of social development, were met by privately owned labourers. As late as the Middle Ages the great lord had in hismenie every kind of functionary to minister to his wants; not only his private servants of the modern kind, with butlers and sutlers and pantlers in every degree; but his armourer, his tailor, his minstrel, and his fool.
Human needs, in early stages of social development, were fulfilled by privately owned laborers. As recently as the Middle Ages, the great lord had in his menie every type of worker to cater to his needs; not just his modern-style private servants, like butlers and vendors, but also his armor maker, tailor, minstrel, and jester.
The feudal lord kept a fool to amuse him, whereas we go to the theatre. He kept a cook to feed him—and we do it yet. He kept a poet to celebrate his deeds and touch his emotions. We have made poetry the highest class in literature, and literature the world's widest art—by setting the poet free.
The feudal lord had a jester to entertain him, while we go to the theater. He had a cook to prepare his meals—and we still do. He had a poet to honor his accomplishments and stir his feelings. We've elevated poetry to the highest rank in literature, and literature has become the broadest form of art in the world—by granting the poet their freedom.
To work for the world at large is necessary to the development of the work. A private poet is necessarily ignoble. So is a private cook. The iron limitations of household service are immutable—world service has none. To cater to the whims of one master lowers both parties concerned. To study the needs of humanity and minister to them is the line of social progress.
To work for the greater good is essential for the development of the work. A private poet is inherently unworthy. The same goes for a private cook. The strict limitations of household service are unchangeable—whereas world service has none. Catering to the whims of a single master diminishes both parties involved. Understanding the needs of humanity and addressing them is the path to social progress.
There is nothing private and special in the preparation of food; a more general human necessity does not exist. There must be freedom and personal choice in the food prepared, but it no more has to be cooked for you than the books you love best have to be written for you. We flatter ourselves that we get what we want by having it done at home. Apply that condition to any other kind of human product and see if it holds. We get what we want by free choice from the world's markets—not from a workshop in the back yard. Imagine the grade of production, the arts, crafts, and manufactures, that we should have to select from, if we tried to have all things made for us by private servants! Apply the intelligence and skill of this zoetrope procession of housemaids to watch-making or shoe-making, or umbrella-making, or the making of paper, or glass, or steel, or any civilised commodity; and if we can easily see how immeasurably incompetent these flitting handmaids would be for any of these lines of work, why do we imagine them competent to prepare food and take care of children? Because we have never thought of it at all.
There’s nothing particularly private or special about preparing food; there’s no more basic human need. We need freedom and personal choice in our food, but it doesn’t have to be cooked for us any more than the books we love have to be written for us. We convince ourselves that we’re getting what we want by making it ourselves. Try applying that idea to any other type of human product and see if it makes sense. We get what we want by freely choosing from global markets—not from a workshop in our backyard. Think about the quality of products, the arts, crafts, and goods we would have to choose from if we relied entirely on private servants to make everything for us! Picture the skills and expertise of this constant stream of housemaids applied to watch-making, shoe-making, umbrella-making, or the production of paper, glass, steel, or any civilized product; if it’s obvious how vastly unqualified these fleeting maids would be for any of these tasks, why do we assume they can competently prepare food and care for children? Because we’ve never considered it at all.
Men are too busy doing other things, too blinded by their scorn for "women's work." Women are too busy doing these things to think about them at all; or if they think, stung by the pain of pressing inconvenience, they only think personally, they only feel it for themselves, each one blindly buried in her own home, like the crafty ostrich with his head in the sand.
Men are too caught up in other activities, too blinded by their disdain for "women's work." Women are too occupied with these tasks to consider them at all; or if they do contemplate it, feeling the sting of unavoidable frustration, they only think about it in a personal way, each one lost in her own home, like a sneaky ostrich with its head in the sand.
The question is a public one; none could be more so. It affects in one of its two branches every human being except those who board; every home, without exception. Perhaps some impression may be made on the blank spaces of our untouched minds by exhibiting the economic status of home industry.
The question is a public one; none could be more so. It affects, in one of its two branches, every person except those who live on the streets; every home, without exception. Maybe we can make an impression on the empty spaces of our untouched minds by showing the economic status of home industry.
We Americans are credited with acuteness and good business sense. How can we reconcile ourselves to the continuance of a system not only so shamefully inadequate, but so ruinously expensive? If we are not mortified to find that our boasted industrial progress carries embedded in its very centre this stronghold of hoary antiquity, this knotted, stumpy bunch of amputated rudiments; if we are not moved by the low standard of general health as affected by food, and the no standard of general education as affecting the baby, perhaps we can be stimulated somewhat by the consideration of expense.
We Americans are known for our sharp minds and strong business skills. How can we accept a system that is not only incredibly inadequate but also extremely costly? If we aren't embarrassed to see that our claimed industrial progress is built around this outdated stronghold, a mishmash of outdated remnants, and if we aren’t concerned about the poor overall health due to food quality and the lack of education affecting our children, maybe we can at least be prompted to think about the costs involved.
The performance of domestic industries involves, first, an enormous waste of labour. The fact that in nine cases out of ten this labour is unpaid does not alter its wastefulness. If half the men in the world stayed at home to wait on the other half, the loss in productive labour would be that between half and the fraction required to do the work under advanced conditions, say one-twentieth. Any group of men requiring to be cooked for, as a ship's crew, a lumber camp, a company of soldiers, have a proportionate number of cooks. To give each man a private cook would reduce the working strength materially. Our private cooks being women makes no difference in the economic law. We are so accustomed to rate women's labour on a sex-basis, as being her "duty" and not justly commanding any return, that we have quite overlooked this tremendous loss of productive labour.
The performance of domestic industries involves, first, a huge waste of labor. The fact that in nine out of ten cases this labor is unpaid doesn’t change how wasteful it is. If half the people in the world stayed home to take care of the other half, the loss in productive labor would be between half and the amount needed to do the work under better conditions, say one-twentieth. Any group of people needing to be cooked for, like a ship's crew, a logging camp, or a unit of soldiers, has a proportional number of cooks. Giving each person a private cook would significantly reduce the workforce. The fact that our private cooks are women doesn’t change the economic principle. We’re so used to seeing women’s labor as a gender-based expectation, as their "duty" that doesn’t fairly deserve compensation, that we’ve completely overlooked this massive loss of productive labor.
Then there is the waste of endless repetition of "plant." We pay rent for twenty kitchens where one kitchen would do. All that part of our houses which is devoted to these industries, kitchen, pantry, laundry, servants' rooms, etc., could be eliminated from the expense account by the transference of the labour involved to a suitable workshop. Not only our rent bills, but our furnishing bills, feel the weight of this expense. We have to pay severally for all these stoves and dishes, tools and utensils, which, if properly supplied in one proper place instead of twenty, would cost far less to begin with; and, in the hands of skilled professionals, would not be under the tremendous charge for breakage and ruinous misuse which now weighs heavily on the householder. Then there is the waste in fuel for these nineteen unnecessary kitchens, and lastly and largest of any item except labour, the waste in food.
Then there's the waste of constantly repeating the word "kitchen." We pay rent for twenty kitchens when one would be enough. All the areas in our homes dedicated to these tasks—kitchen, pantry, laundry, staff rooms, etc.—could be eliminated from our expenses by moving the work to a suitable workshop. This would reduce not only our rent payments but also our furnishing costs. We have to pay for all those stoves, dishes, tools, and utensils separately, while if they were organized in one proper place instead of spread across twenty, they would cost a lot less initially; and, with skilled professionals managing them, we wouldn’t incur the heavy costs from breakage and misuse that currently burden homeowners. Then there's the extra fuel wasted on those nineteen unnecessary kitchens, and finally, the biggest waste aside from labor: the waste in food.
First the waste in purchasing in the smallest retail quantities; then the waste involved in separate catering, the "left overs" which the ingenious housewife spends her life in trying to "use up"; and also the waste caused by carelessness and ignorance in a great majority of cases. Perhaps this last element, careless ignorance, ought to cover both waste and breakage, and be counted by itself, or as a large item in the labour account.
First, the waste in buying in the smallest retail quantities; then the waste involved in separate catering, the "leftovers" that the resourceful homemaker spends her life trying to "use up"; and also the waste caused by carelessness and ignorance in the vast majority of cases. Perhaps this last factor, careless ignorance, should account for both waste and breakage, and be considered on its own, or as a significant item in the labor account.
Count as you will, there could hardly be devised a more wasteful way of doing necessary work than this domestic way. It costs on the most modest computation three times what it need cost. Once properly aroused to a consideration of these facts it will be strange indeed if America's business sense cannot work out some system of meeting these common human necessities more effectually and more economically.
Count as you want, there could barely be a more wasteful way of doing necessary work than this domestic method. It costs, at the very least, three times what it should. Once people are truly aware of these facts, it would be odd if America’s business sense doesn’t come up with a better and more cost-effective way to address these basic human needs.
The housemaid would be more of a step in advance if the housewife, released from her former duties, then entered the ranks of productive labour, paid her substitute, and contributed something further to the world's wealth. But nothing could be farther from the thoughts of the Lady of the House. Her husband being able to keep more than one woman to do the work of the house; and much preferring to exhibit an idle wife, as proof of his financial position,[4] the idle wife proceeds so to conduct her house as to add to its labours most considerably. The housewife's system of housekeeping is perforce limited to her own powers. The size of the home, the nature of its furnishings and decorations, the kind of clothes worn by the women and children, the amount of food served and the manner of its service; all these are regulated by the housewife's capacity for labour. But once the housemaid enters the field of domestic labour there is a scale of increase in that labour which has no limits but the paying capacity of the man.
The housemaid would be a step forward if the housewife, freed from her previous duties, joined the workforce, paid her substitute, and contributed more to the world's wealth. However, that idea is far from the thoughts of the Lady of the House. Her husband is able to hire multiple women to manage the household and much prefers to show off an idle wife as a sign of his financial standing. The idle wife runs her home in a way that actually adds to its demands significantly. The housewife's approach to managing the household is necessarily limited to what she can do herself. The size of the home, the style of its furnishings and decorations, the type of clothes worn by the women and children, the amount of food served, and how it is served—all of these depend on the housewife's ability to work. But once the housemaid comes into the picture, the amount of labor that can be expanded has no limits except for what the man can afford to pay.
This element of waste cannot be measured, because it is a progressive tendency, it "grows by what it feeds upon" (as most things do, by the way!) and waxes greater and greater with each turn of the wheel. If the lady of the house, with one servant, were content to live exactly as she did before; keeping the work within the powers of the deputy, she would be simply and absolutely idle, and that is a very wearing condition; especially to woman, the born worker. So the lady of the house, mingling with other ladies of houses, none of them having anything but houses to play with, proceeds so to furnish, decorate, and arrange those houses, and so to elaborate the functions thereof, as to call for more and ever more housemaids to do the endless work.
This kind of waste can’t be measured because it’s a growing tendency; it “feeds on itself” (like many things do, by the way!) and becomes larger with every turn of the wheel. If the lady of the house, with one servant, were happy to live just like she did before, keeping the work manageable for the helper, she would end up being completely and utterly idle, which is a very exhausting state, especially for a woman, who is naturally a worker. So, the lady interacts with other housewives, most of whom only have their homes to focus on, and she goes on to furnish, decorate, and arrange those homes, expanding their functions in ways that require more and more housemaids to handle the never-ending tasks.
This open door of senseless extravagance hinges directly upon the idle wife. She leaves her position of domestic service, not to take a higher one in world service; but to depute her own work to an inferior and do none at all.
This open door of pointless extravagance is directly linked to the idle wife. She quits her role in taking care of the home, not to pursue a more significant role in the world, but to pass on her responsibilities to someone less capable and does nothing herself.
Thus we find that in the grade of household labour done by the housewife we have all those elements of incapacity and waste before explained; and that in the grade done by the housemaid we have a decrease in ability, a measurable increase in direct waste, and an immeasurable increase in the constantly rising sum of waste due to these bloated buildings stuffed with a thousand superfluities wherein the priceless energies of women are poured out in endless foolishness; in work that meets no real need; and in play that neither rests nor refreshes.
So, we see that in the type of household work done by the housewife, we find all the elements of inefficiency and waste mentioned earlier; and in the work done by the housemaid, we notice a decline in skill, a clear increase in direct waste, and an unquantifiable rise in the ongoing accumulation of waste caused by these oversized buildings filled with unnecessary stuff, where the valuable energies of women are spent on endless nonsense; in tasks that serve no real purpose; and in activities that neither relax nor rejuvenate.
So far our sufferings under the present rapid elimination of the housemaid have taught us little. Our principal idea of bettering the condition is by training servants. We seriously propose to establish schools to train these reluctant young women to our service; even in some cases to pay them for going there. This is indeed necessary; for why should they pay for tuition, or even waste time in gratuitously studying, when they can get wages without?
So far, our struggles with the quick disappearance of housemaids have taught us very little. Our main idea for improving the situation is by training workers. We are actually considering setting up schools to teach these unwilling young women to work for us; in some cases, we might even pay them to attend. This is truly necessary because why should they pay for their education or even spend time studying for free when they can earn a paycheck instead?
We do not, and cannot, offer such graded and progressive salaries as shall tempt really high-class labour into this field. Skilled labour and domestic service are incompatible. The degree of intelligence, talent, learning, and trained skill which should be devoted to feeding and cleaning the human race will never consent to domestic service. It is the grade of work which forever limits its development, the place, the form of service. So long as the home is the workshop the housewife cannot, and the housemaid will not, even if she could, properly do this work for the neglected world.
We do not, and cannot, offer salaries that are competitive enough to attract truly high-caliber workers to this field. Skilled labor and domestic work just don’t match up. The level of intelligence, talent, education, and trained skill needed for taking care of people will never agree to be part of domestic service. It's the type of work that continually holds back its growth, the environment, the nature of the service. As long as the home is the workplace, the housewife cannot, and the housemaid will not, even if she could, properly manage this work for the overlooked world.
Is it not time that the home be freed from these industries so palpably out of place? That the expense of living be decreased by two-thirds and the productive labour increased by nine-twentieths? That our women cease to be an almost universal class of house-servants; plus a small class of parasitic idlers and greedy consumers of wealth? That the preparation of food be raised from its present condition of inadequacy, injury, and waste to such a professional and scientific position that we may learn to spare from our street corners both the drug-store and the saloon? That the care of children become at last what it should be—the noblest and most valuable profession, to the endless profit of our little ones and progress of the race? And that our homes, no longer greasy, dusty workshops, but centres of rest and peace; no longer gorgeous places of entertainment that does not entertain, but quiet places of happiness; no longer costing the laborious lives of overworked women or supporting the useless lives of idle ones, but properly maintained by organised industries; become enjoyed by men and women alike, both glad and honourable workers in an easy world?
Isn’t it time to free the home from these industries that feel so out of place? To cut living expenses by two-thirds and boost productive labor by forty-five percent? To stop our women from being mostly house-servants, along with a small group of lazy idlers and greedy consumers of wealth? To elevate food preparation from its current state of inadequacy, harm, and waste to a professional and scientific level, so we can get rid of both the drugstore and the bar on our street corners? To finally make childcare what it should be—the most noble and valuable profession, endlessly benefiting our children and advancing humanity? And to transform our homes from greasy, dusty workshops into centers of rest and peace; from flashy places of entertainment that don’t entertain into quiet spaces of happiness; no longer costing the lives of overworked women or supporting the useless lives of idle ones, but maintained properly by organized industries; enjoyed by both men and women as happy and respected workers in a better world?
- [3]
- See Veblen's "Theory of the Leisure Class."
- [4]
- See Veblen again.
VII
Home cooking
We are all reared in a traditional belief that what we get to eat at home is, by virtue of that location, better than what we get to eat anywhere else. The expression, "home-cooking," carries a connotation of assured excellence, and the popular eating-house advertises "pies like those your mother used to make," as if pie-making were a maternal function. Economy, comfort, and health are supposed to accompany our domestic food supply, and danger to follow the footsteps of those who eat in a hotel, a restaurant, or a boarding house. Is this long-accepted theory correct? Is the home, as the last stage of our elaborate processes of social nutrition, a success?
We all grow up believing that food at home is, just because it's home-cooked, better than anything we can get elsewhere. The term "home-cooking" suggests it’s guaranteed to be great, and popular restaurants promote "pies like your mom used to make," as if making pies is something only moms do. We think that eating at home means saving money, feeling comfortable, and being healthy, while eating out at a hotel, restaurant, or boarding house is seen as risky. Is this age-old belief really true? Is the home, as the final step in our complex social eating habits, really successful?
"Home-cooking" is an alluring phrase, but lay aside the allurement; the term applies to Eskimo hut, to Choctaw wigwam, to Turk and Chinaman and Russian Jew—whose home-cooking are we praising? Our own, of course. Which means nothing—absolutely nothing—but that the stomach adapts itself to what it has to live on—unless it is too poisonous. Of course we like what we are used to; be it sauerkraut or saleratus biscuit. We like tobacco too, and alcohol, and chloral and morphine.
"Home-cooking" is an enticing phrase, but set aside the charm; the term applies to an Eskimo hut, a Choctaw wigwam, a Turk, a Chinese person, and a Russian Jew—whose home-cooking are we actually praising? Clearly, it’s our own. Which means nothing—absolutely nothing—except that the stomach adjusts to whatever it has to eat—unless it’s too toxic. Of course, we enjoy what we’re familiar with; whether it’s sauerkraut or baking soda biscuits. We enjoy tobacco too, as well as alcohol, chloral, and morphine.
The long-suffering human system (perhaps toughened by ages of home-cooking)—will adapt itself even to slow death.
The long-suffering human body (maybe strengthened by years of home-cooking) will adjust even to a slow death.
But how does our universally praised home-cooking affect our health? To find it pure and undefined, far from the deleterious products of mere business cooking, we must go to the isolated farmhouse. Does either the physician or the epicure point with pride to that dietary?
But how does our widely acclaimed home-cooking impact our health? To find it untainted and genuine, removed from the harmful products of commercial cooking, we need to look at the secluded farmhouse. Does the doctor or the food lover take pride in that diet?
Its results are not due to lack of proper materials. There you have no much-blamed "baker's bread"; no "city milk"; no wilted vegetables and questionable meats; no painted confectionery and bakeshop sweets; no wild hurry to catch the morning car. You have mother love and mother instinct untrammelled, with the best materials we know, pure dairy produce and fresh vegetables and fruits. As a result, you should look for splendid health, clear complexions, bright eyes, perfect teeth, and sublime digestions. Instead, we find men who keep fairly well to middle life because their vigorous out-of-door work enables them to cope for a while with their home-cooking; but in the women you find a sadly low average of health and beauty. Dyspepsia is the rule. False teeth are needed before they are thirty.
Its results aren't due to a lack of proper materials. You don't have the much-criticized "baker's bread"; no "city milk"; no wilted vegetables and questionable meats; no artificially colored sweets and confections from bakeries; no frantic rush to catch the morning train. Instead, you have a mother's love and instinct unfettered, with the best ingredients we know: pure dairy products and fresh vegetables and fruits. As a result, you can expect to see excellent health, clear skin, bright eyes, perfect teeth, and fantastic digestion. Instead, we find men who manage to stay relatively healthy into middle age because their vigorous outdoor work helps them cope for a while with their home-cooked meals; but with women, there's a disappointingly low level of health and beauty. Digestive issues are the norm. They often need dentures before turning thirty.
Patent medicine is the family divinity. Their ordinary home-cooking is pork and potatoes; and their extraordinary home-cooking is such elaborate elegance of pie and cake as to supply every element of mischief omitted in the regular diet. The morbid appetites, the uneasy demand for stimulants, both in men and women, the rarity of good digestion—these do not prove much in favour of this system of preparing food.
Patent medicine is the family's go-to solution. Their typical meals consist of pork and potatoes, while their special occasions feature such fancy pies and cakes that they include all the mischief missing from their usual diet. The unusual cravings, the constant need for stimulants in both men and women, and the lack of good digestion—these don't really support this way of preparing food.
The derivation of the habit is clear enough and easily traced. Among individual animals, the nutritive processes are simple. By personal effort each creature helps himself from a free supply, competing mercilessly with every other creature that comes in his way. Vegetarian animals compete peaceably as philosophical anarchists; carnivorous ones compete with more violence. Among both classes we find homes among those whose food is portable; holes, caves, or nests; places where the young can be guarded and their food brought to them. From the grisly heap of bones in the lion's den, or shells below the squirrel's nest, through the "kitchen middens" of primitive man, to the daily output of garbage from our well-loved homes to-day is an unbroken line. "A place to feed the young" was once a sufficient definition of a home, but the home has grown since then. Man is a social animal. He is part of something; his life is not dependent on his own efforts solely, but on those of many other men. We get our food, not by going out to quarrel with one another over a free supply, but by helping one another in various elaborate processes of production, distribution, and preparation. In this last process of preparation women long held a monopoly; and, as women were kept at home, so food was, naturally, prepared at home. But as soon as men banded together to go on long expeditions without women—which was at the beginning of the history of war—they learned to cook and eat away from home, and the cook, as a craftsman, was developed. This social functionary has been officiating for a long time. He has cooked as a business, giving his whole time to it; he has cooked for miscellaneous numbers, and has had to study averages; he has cooked for great dignitaries, epicurean and capricious. So, in course of time, has grown among us some little knowledge of the art and science of cooking. This growth has not taken place in the home. An ignorant overworked poor woman, cooking for her family, has not, and never can have, the time, means, or opportunity for the large experiment and practice which have given us the great diet-list of to-day. Each woman, learning only from her mother, has been able only to hand down to us the habits of a dark, untutored past. Outside the home, man, the specialised cook, acting under pressure of larger needs and general competition, has gradually improved the vessels, utensils, and materials of the home food supply.
The origin of the habit is pretty clear and easy to follow. For individual animals, the process of getting food is straightforward. Each animal helps itself from an abundant source, competing fiercely with any other animals in the way. Herbivores compete peacefully like philosophical anarchists, while carnivores are more aggressive. In both groups, we find shelters like holes, caves, or nests where young can be protected and fed. From the grim pile of bones in a lion's den or the shells under a squirrel's nest, right through the "kitchen middens" of early humans to the daily trash from our beloved homes today, there’s a consistent history. "A place to feed the young" was once a good definition of a home, but the concept of home has evolved. Humans are social beings. Our lives don’t just depend on our personal efforts; they're intertwined with those of many other people. We get our food not by fighting over free resources but by collaborating in complex processes of production, distribution, and preparation. In the preparation phase, women once had a monopoly; and as women stayed at home, food was naturally prepared there. However, when men started banding together for long expeditions without women—marking the beginning of warfare—they learned to cook and eat away from home, leading to the development of cooking as a craft. This social role has existed for a long time. Cooks have made it their business, dedicating themselves to the task; they’ve catered to various groups and studied averages; they’ve cooked for important figures who are picky and particular. Over time, we have accumulated some knowledge about the art and science of cooking. This development hasn’t happened in the home. An overworked, uneducated poor woman, cooking for her family, can’t have the time, resources, or opportunities for the extensive experiments and practices that have shaped today’s diverse diet. Each woman, learning only from her mother, has mostly passed down the habits of an uninformed, untrained past. Outside of the home, specialized cooks, responding to greater needs and competitive pressures, have gradually improved the tools and materials used in home cooking.
Note carefully that, in home-cooking, there are absent these great necessities of progress—specialisation and competition, as well as the wide practical experience which is almost as essential. Go among the most backward peasantry of any country and compare the "home-cooking" of each nation in its present form, with the specialised cooking of the best hotels, clubs, or of those great official or private entertainments which employ the professional cook. It is rare, of course, to find home-cooking wholly unaffected by social cooking, for man, as an ultra-domestic character, learns something elsewhere and brings it home; but the point to be insisted on is that the development in cooking comes from outside the home, and does not originate in it. Still, in spite of all our progress, the great mass of mankind eats two meals at home; women and children, three.
Note carefully that, in home cooking, the key drivers of progress—specialization and competition—as well as the extensive practical experience, which is almost equally important, are often missing. If you visit the most underdeveloped rural communities in any country and compare their current "home cooking" with the specialized cooking found in the best hotels, clubs, or major official or private events that hire professional chefs, you'll see a significant difference. It's uncommon to find home cooking completely uninfluenced by social cooking since people, being inherently domestic, learn new things from outside and bring them into their homes. However, the key point is that advancements in cooking come from outside the home, not from within it. Yet, despite all our advancements, most people still have two meals at home; women and children often have three.
The preparation of food is still the main business of housekeeping; its labour, the one great labour of the place; its cost, the main expense. In building, the conveniences for this trade—kitchen, dining-room, pantry, cupboard, and cellar—require a large part of the outlay, and the furnishing of these with linen, china, and silver, as well as the wooden and iron articles, adds heavily to the list. The wife and mother still has, for her main duty, the management of the family food supply, even if she is not the principal worker, and the maintenance of domestic service, to keep our food system in motion, is one of the chief difficulties of modern life. Nine-tenths of our women "do their own work," as has been before shown. Those nine-tenths of the female population—as well as the majority of servants—expend most of their labour in the preparation of food and the cleansing processes connected with it.
The preparation of food is still the main focus of managing a household; it's the primary task that occupies the space, and its cost is the biggest expense. When building a home, the features needed for this task—including the kitchen, dining room, pantry, cupboard, and cellar—take up a significant portion of the budget, and equipping these spaces with linens, dishes, and silverware, along with various wooden and metal items, adds substantially to the total. The wife and mother still have the primary responsibility for managing the family's food supply, even if she's not the one doing all the work, and keeping the household running smoothly is one of the major challenges of modern life. Nine out of ten women "do their own work," as previously mentioned. These nine-tenths of the female population, along with most of the household staff, devote the majority of their effort to preparing food and the cleaning tasks that come with it.
With all this time, labour, and expense given to the feeding of humanity, what are the results? How are we educated in knowledge and taste as to right eating? What are our general food habits? To these questions it may be promptly answered that no other animal is so depraved in its feeding habits as man; no other animal has so many diseases of the alimentary system. The dog ranks next to us in diseases, and shares our home-cooking. The hog, which we most highly recommend, is "corn-fed," not reared on our remnants of the table. The long and arduous labours of public-spirited men have lifted our standards of living in many ways. Public sanitation, beginning outside and slowly driven in on the reluctant home, has lowered our death rate in the great filth-diseases which used to decimate the world. But the food diseases are not lessened. Wrong eating and wrong drinking are responsible for an enormous proportion of our diseases and our crimes, to say nothing of the still larger average of unhealthiness and unhappiness in which we live. Can we get at the causes of this department of human trouble? and, when found, do they bear any relation to our beloved custom of home-cooking and home-eating? We can—and they do. The trouble springs from two main features: bad food—insufficient, oversufficient, ill-chosen, or ill-prepared; and our own ignorance and lack of self-control.
With all the time, effort, and money spent on feeding people, what are the results? How are we educated about proper eating and taste? What are our overall food habits? The quick answer to these questions is that no other animal has as poor feeding habits as humans; no other animal suffers from so many digestive diseases. Dogs come next in line for diseases and share our home-cooked meals. The pig, which we highly recommend, is "corn-fed," not raised on our table scraps. The long and hard work of public-spirited individuals has improved our living standards in many ways. Public sanitation, starting from the outside and gradually making its way into people's homes, has reduced our death rate from major filth-related diseases that used to be widespread. However, food-related diseases haven't decreased. Poor eating and drinking habits account for a significant portion of our illnesses and crimes, not to mention the even larger level of unhealthiness and unhappiness that we experience. Can we identify the causes of these issues? And if we can, do they relate to our cherished habits of home-cooking and eating at home? Yes, we can—and they do. The problem arises from two main issues: bad food—whether it's insufficient, excessive, poorly chosen, or poorly prepared; and our own ignorance and lack of self-discipline.
Consider the bad food first. Food is produced all over the earth, passes through many hands, and is finally selected by the housewife. She is not a trained expert, and can never be while she confines herself to serving one house. She does not handle quantities sufficient or cater for consumers enough to gain large knowledge of her business. She is, in nine cases out of ten, limited financially in her buying power. These conditions make the food market particularly open to adulteration, and to the offering of inferior materials. The individual housewife cannot herself discriminate in all the subtleties of adulterated food, nor has she the time or the means to secure expert tests of her supplies. Moreover, her separate purchasing power is so small that it cannot intimidate the seller; he has ignorance and a small purse to deal with, and he deals with them accordingly.
Consider the bad food first. Food is produced all over the world, goes through many hands, and is finally chosen by the homemaker. She isn’t a trained expert, and she can't become one while she sticks to managing just her own household. She doesn’t handle enough quantities or cater to enough consumers to gain significant knowledge about her business. In nine out of ten cases, she is financially limited in her purchasing power. These factors make the food market especially vulnerable to adulteration and the sale of inferior products. The individual homemaker can’t differentiate all the nuances of adulterated food, nor does she have the time or resources to secure expert testing of her supplies. Additionally, her individual purchasing power is so small that it can’t intimidate the seller; he encounters ignorance and a limited budget and responds accordingly.
The purchase of food in quantities by trained buyers would lift the grade of our supplies at once. No man is going to waste time and money in adulteration subject to daily analysis, or in offering stale, inferior articles which will not appear saleable to the trained eye. The wholesale poisoning of babies by bad milk is an evil our city governments are seeking to combat, but the helpless anarchy of a million ignorant homes, unorganised, untrained, and obliged to get the milk at once, renders our governmental efforts almost vain. Insufficient food is owing, in part, to economic causes, and in part to ignorance of what the body needs. On the economic side comes in a most important view of the home as a food purveyer. The private purchase and preparation of food is the most expensive method. It is wonderful to see how people cling to their notion of "the economy" of home-cooking. By the simplest business laws, of world-wide application, the small purchaser has to pay the largest price. The expenses incident to the re-retailing of food, from the apples rotting on the ground in New York State to the apples we purchase at twenty cents a quart for New York City tables, form a large part of the cost of living. Thousands of middlemen thrive like leeches on the long, slow current of food material, as it pours in myriad dribbling streams from the great sources of production, far away, into our innumerable kitchen doors.
Buying food in bulk by trained buyers would immediately improve the quality of our supplies. No one is going to waste time and money on adulteration that faces daily scrutiny, or on selling stale, low-quality products that won't look desirable to an experienced buyer. The widespread issue of babies getting sick from bad milk is a problem our city governments are trying to tackle, but the chaotic situation in a million uninformed homes, which are unorganized and lacking training, and need milk immediately, makes our government efforts nearly futile. Inadequate food availability is partly due to economic factors and partly due to a lack of understanding of what the body needs. Economically, it’s crucial to consider the home as a food provider. Buying and preparing food privately is actually the most costly approach. It's surprising how people hold on to the belief that cooking at home is cost-effective. According to basic business principles that apply everywhere, small buyers end up paying the highest prices. The costs associated with redistributing food, from the apples left rotting in New York State to the apples we pay twenty cents a quart for in New York City, are a significant portion of the cost of living. Countless middlemen profit like parasites from the slow, winding flow of food products as they trickle down from distant production sources into our countless kitchen doors.
In a city block there are, let us say, two hundred families, which, at our usual average of five individuals to a family, would number one thousand persons. The thousand persons should consume, we will say, five hundred quarts of milk a day. The purchase of five hundred quarts of milk and the proportionate cream, as well as butter, would maintain a nice little dairy—several blocks together would maintain a large one. Your bustling restaurant proudly advertises "Milk and cream fresh every day from our own dairies!" But your beloved home has no such purchasing power, but meekly absorbs pale cultures of tuberculosis and typhoid fever at eight cents a quart. The poorer people are, the more they pay for food, separately. The organised purchasing power of these same people would double their food supply, and treble it.
In a city block, there are, let's say, two hundred families, which, based on our average of five people per family, adds up to one thousand individuals. These thousand people would consume, let's say, five hundred quarts of milk each day. Buying five hundred quarts of milk, along with the appropriate amount of cream and butter, would keep a nice little dairy running—several blocks combined could support a large one. Your busy restaurant proudly advertises "Fresh milk and cream every day from our own dairies!" But your cherished home doesn’t have that kind of buying power, instead, it meekly accepts subpar products that carry tuberculosis and typhoid fever at eight cents a quart. The poorer people are, the more they end up paying for food individually. The organized purchasing power of these same people could double their food supply, or even triple it.
Besides the expense entailed in purchasing is that of private preparation. First, the "plant" is provided. For our two hundred families there are two hundred stoves, with their utensils. The kitchen, and all that it contains, with dining-rooms, etc., have been already referred to, but should be held firmly in mind as a large item in rent and furnishing. Next, there is the labour. Two hundred women are employed for about six hours a day each,—twelve hundred working hours,—at twenty cents an hour. This means two hundred and forty dollars a day, or sixteen hundred and eighty dollars a week, that the block of families is paying to have its wastefully home-purchased food more wastefully home-cooked. Of course, if these cooks are the housewives, they do not get the money; but the point is, that this much labour is worth that amount of money, and that productive energy is being wasted. What ought it to cost? One trained cook can cook for thirty, easily; three, more easily, for a hundred. The thousand people mentioned need, in largest allowance, thirty cooks—and the thirty cooks, organised, would not need six hours a day to do the same work, either. Thirty cooks, even at ten dollars a week, would be but three hundred dollars, and that is some slight saving as against sixteen hundred and eighty!
Besides the cost of buying food, there's also the cost of preparing it. First, the "setup" is needed. For our two hundred families, we need two hundred stoves and their utensils. The kitchen and everything in it, along with dining rooms, have already been discussed, but it's important to remember they represent a significant expense in rent and furnishings. Next, there's labor. Two hundred women work about six hours a day each—totaling twelve hundred working hours—at twenty cents an hour. This comes to two hundred and forty dollars a day, or sixteen hundred and eighty dollars a week, that these families are spending to have their inefficiently bought food even more inefficiently cooked at home. Of course, if these cooks are the housewives, they don’t receive the money; but the point is that this amount of labor is worth that much money, and this productive energy is being wasted. What should it actually cost? One trained cook can easily cook for thirty people; three cooks can easily handle a hundred. The thousand people mentioned would need, at most, thirty cooks—and those thirty cooks wouldn’t need six hours a day to do the same job either. Thirty cooks, even at ten dollars a week, would only cost three hundred dollars, which is a significant saving compared to sixteen hundred and eighty!
We have not mentioned fully another serious evil. "Insufficient food" would be easily removable from our list by a more economical method of buying and cooking it. The other element of insufficiency—ignorance,—would go also, if we had skilful and learned cooks and caterers instead of unskilled and unlearned amateurs, who know only how to cater to the demands of hungry children and injudicious men at home. Wise temperance workers know that many men drink because they are not properly fed; and women, too, consume tea and coffee to make up in stimulants for the lack of nutrition about which they know nothing. Under this same head comes the rest of that list, the over-sufficient, ill-chosen, and ill-prepared food. It is not simply that the two hundred amateur cooks (whether they be permanent wife or transient servant, they are all, in a business sense, amateurs,—ask a real cook!) waste money by their sporadic efforts, but their incapacity wastes our blood in our veins. We do not die, swift and screaming, from some sharp poison administered through malice; but our poor stomachs are slowly fretted by grease-hardened particles, and wearied out by heavy doses of hot dough. Only iron vigour can survive such things.
We haven't fully addressed another serious issue. "Insufficient food" could easily be eliminated from our list by adopting a more cost-effective way to buy and prepare it. The other factor of insufficiency—ignorance—would also disappear if we had skilled and knowledgeable cooks and caterers instead of untrained and inexperienced amateurs, who only know how to satisfy the cravings of hungry children and poorly informed adults at home. Experienced nutrition advocates understand that many men drink because they aren't properly nourished; women, too, rely on tea and coffee to compensate for the lack of nutrition, which they know little about. This also includes the rest of that list: overly abundant, poorly chosen, and badly prepared food. It's not just that the two hundred amateur cooks (whether they're a permanent spouse or a temporary worker, they’re all, in a professional sense, amateurs—just ask a real cook!) waste money with their inconsistent efforts, but their inability also harms our health. We don’t die quickly and painfully from a malicious poison; instead, our digestive systems are gradually irritated by greasy particles and exhausted by heavy servings of dough. Only strong vitality can endure such conditions.
"It is ill-chosen," is one charge against home-cooking. What governs our choice? Why does a German eat decaying cabbage and mite-infested cheese, an American revel in fat-soaked steak and griddle-cakes, a Frenchman disguise questionable meats with subtly-blended spices, and so on, through the tastes of all the nations and localities? It is environment and heredity that governs us—that's all. It is not knowledge, not culture and experience, not an enlightened taste, or the real choice of a trained mind capable of choosing.
"It’s poorly chosen," is one criticism of home cooking. What decides our preferences? Why does a German eat spoiled cabbage and cheese with bugs, an American enjoy greasy steak and pancakes, a Frenchman cover up dubious meats with perfectly mixed spices, and so forth, across the tastes of different countries and regions? It’s our environment and ancestry that shape us—that’s all. It’s not knowledge, not culture and experience, not refined taste, or the genuine choice of a trained mind able to decide.
A child is fed by his mother, who transmits remote ancestral customs, unchanged by time. Children are hungry and like to eat. The young stomach is adapted to its food supply; it grows accustomed to it and "likes" it,—and the man continues to demand the doughnuts, the sauerkraut, the saleratus biscuit, which he "likes." One ghastly exception should be taken to this smooth statement. I have said that "the young stomach is adapted to its food supply." Alas, alas! This is true of those who survive; but think of the buried babies,—of the dear, dead children, of the "diseases incidental to childhood,"—and question if some part of that awful death-list is not due to our criminal ignorance of what is proper food! There is no knowledge, save the filtering down of ancient customs and what the private cook can pick up from house to house; no experience, save that gained by practising on one's own family or the family of one's employer—and I never heard of either wife or servant gathering statistics as to who lived and who died under her cooking—no special training; and no room or time or means to learn! It would be a miracle if all should survive.
A mother feeds her child, passing down age-old traditions that haven't changed over time. Kids are hungry and love to eat. Young stomachs adapt to what's available; they get used to it and "prefer" it—and as adults, they keep craving the doughnuts, sauerkraut, and baking soda biscuits that they "like." However, there’s a significant exception to this seemingly smooth statement. I've noted that "the young stomach is adapted to its food supply." Unfortunately, this is true for those who survive; but consider the babies that didn’t make it—the precious, lost children and the "childhood illnesses"—and wonder if some of that tragic death toll isn't due to our terrible ignorance about proper nutrition! There’s no real knowledge, except the passing down of old customs and what private cooks might learn from each other; no experience aside from trial and error on one's own family or that of an employer—and I’ve never heard of either a wife or a cook keeping track of who lived or died based on their meals—no specific training; no time, space, or resources to learn! It would be miraculous if everyone managed to survive.
The ignorance which keeps us so ill-fed is an essential condition of home-cooking. If we had only home-shoe-making, or home-doctoring, or home-tailoring—barbering—what you please—we should show the same wide-spread ignorance and lack of taste. What we have learned in cooking comes from the advance of that great branch of human industry in its free social field, and that advance has reacted to some degree on the immovable home.
The lack of knowledge that leaves us so poorly fed is a crucial part of home cooking. If we only had home shoe-making, or home medical care, or home tailoring—barbering—whatever you prefer—we would demonstrate the same widespread ignorance and poor taste. What we’ve learned in cooking comes from the progress of that important area of human industry in its unrestrained social environment, and that progress has influenced, to some extent, the unchanging home.
Next consider self-control, the lack of which is so large a factor in our food diseases. We have attained some refinement of feeling in painting, music, and other arts; why are we still so frankly barbaric in our attitude toward food? Why does modern man, civilised, educated, cultured, still keep his body in a loathsome condition, still suffer, weaken, and die, from foul food habits? It is not alone the huge evil of intemperance in drink, or simple gluttony; but the common habits of our young girls, serenely indulging in unlimited candy, with its attendant internal consequences; or of our cultured women, providing at their entertainments a gross accumulation of unwholesome delicacies, with scarcely more discrimination than was shown by Heliogabalus. We eat what we like, and our liking is most crude and low.
Next, think about self-control, which plays a big role in our food-related health issues. We've developed some sophistication in painting, music, and other arts; so why are we still so primitive in our relationship with food? Why does modern man, who is civilized, educated, and cultured, still allow his body to remain in a disgusting state, still suffer, weaken, and die due to unhealthy eating habits? It's not just the significant problem of excessive drinking or simple overeating; it's also the common behavior of our young girls happily indulging in endless candy, along with the resulting internal issues; or our educated women who serve at their gatherings a shocking amount of unhealthy treats, with hardly any more thought than what Heliogabalus demonstrated. We eat what we want, and our cravings are often basic and low.
The position of the woman who feeds us—the wife and mother—is responsible for this arrest of development. She is not a free cook, a trained cook, a scientific cook; she belongs to the family. She must cook for the man because he pays for it. He maintains the home—and her—largely for that very purpose. It is his home, his table, his market bill; and, if John does not like onions, or pork, or cereals, they do not appear. If Mrs. Peterkin paid for it, and John was cook, why John would cook to please her! In two ways is Mrs. Peterkin forced to cater to John's appetite; by this plain, economic fact, that it is his food she is cooking, and by the sexuo-economic fact that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." For profit and for love—to do her duty and to gain her ends—in all ways, the home cook is forced to do her home cooking to please John. It is no wonder John clings so ardently to the custom. Never again on earth will he have a whole live private cook to himself, to consider, before anything else, his special tastes and preferences. He will get better food, and he will have to get used to it. His tastes will be elevated by the quality of the food, instead of the quality of the food being adapted solely to his tastes. To the children, again, the mother caters under direct pressure of personal affection. It is very, very hard to resist the daily, yea, tri-daily, demands of those we love.
The role of the woman who feeds us—the wife and mother—holds back development. She isn't just a free cook, a trained cook, or a scientific cook; she is part of the family. She has to cook for the man because he pays for it. He keeps the home—and her—mostly for that reason. It’s his home, his table, his grocery bill; and if John doesn’t like onions, pork, or cereals, they don’t show up on the menu. If Mrs. Peterkin paid for it and John was the cook, then John would cook to please her! Mrs. Peterkin is compelled to cater to John's tastes in two ways: first, by the straightforward economic fact that she's cooking his food, and second, by the socio-economic reality that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." For profit and for love—fulfilling her responsibilities while achieving her goals—she has to cook at home to make John happy. It’s no surprise that John holds onto this tradition so passionately. He will never have an entire live personal cook dedicated to him again, who prioritizes his specific tastes and preferences. He’ll eat better food, and he’ll have to adjust to it. His tastes will improve with the quality of the food, rather than the food being solely tailored to his desires. For the children, the mother also caters under strong pressure of personal affection. It is incredibly hard to resist the daily, sometimes three times a day, demands of those we love.
It is this steady, alluring effort of subservient love which keeps us still so primitively self-indulgent in our food habits. The mother-love of a dumb animal may teach her what is right for her young to eat, but it does not teach the human mother. Ask any doctor, any trained nurse, anyone who has watched the children of the poor. If the children of the rich are more wisely fed, it is not because of any greater amount of mother-love, but of some degree of mother-education. Motherhood and wifehood do not teach cooking.
It’s this consistent, enticing drive of selfless love that keeps us so primitively indulgent in our eating habits. The love of a mother animal may show her what’s best for her young to eat, but it doesn’t teach human mothers. Just ask any doctor, any trained nurse, or anyone who has seen the kids of the poor. If the children of the wealthy are fed better, it’s not due to more love from their mothers, but because of some level of education about motherhood. Being a mother or a wife doesn’t teach cooking.
What we need in our system of feeding the world is not instinct, affection, and duty, but knowledge, practice, and business methods. Those who are fitted by natural skill and liking to be cooks should cook, and many should profit by their improved products. Scientific training, free from the tender pressure of home habits, would soon eliminate our worst viands; and, from the wide choice offered by a general field of patronage, there would appear in time a cultivated taste. Greater freedom for personal idiosyncrasy would be given in this general field of choice, yet a simpler average would undoubtedly be formed. Great literature and great music were never developed when the bard performed for his master only.
What we need in our system of feeding the world isn't instinct, affection, and duty, but knowledge, practice, and business methods. Those who naturally have the skills and passion to be cooks should cook, and many should benefit from their enhanced products. Scientific training, free from the pressure of home traditions, would quickly eliminate our worst foods; and, from the wide variety offered by a broad clientele, a refined taste would eventually emerge. This wider range of choices would allow for more personal expression, yet a more straightforward average would definitely form. Great literature and great music were never developed when the bard performed only for his master.
We, keeping our food system still on this miserable basis of private catering to appetite, are thereby prevented from studying it with a view to race improvement. The discoveries of the food specialist and scientific dietist are lost in the dark recesses of a million homes, in the futile, half-hearted efforts of unskilled labour. What the immediate family "likes" is the governing law; no matter how wise may be the purpose of the mother-cook. With most of us food is scarcely thought of in its real main use—to supply bodily waste with judiciously combined materials.
We, keeping our food system stuck in this unfortunate model of catering to personal tastes, are unable to study it with the aim of improving our population. The findings of food specialists and dieticians are lost in the hidden corners of a million homes, overshadowed by the ineffective, half-hearted attempts of untrained cooks. What the immediate family "likes" becomes the ultimate rule; no matter how well-intentioned the mother's efforts may be. For most of us, food is hardly considered for its primary purpose—to provide the body with the right combination of nutrients to replace what it loses.
The home-bred appetite cries out for "mother's cooking," with no more idea of its nutritive values than has a child. This is most remarkable among our enormous farming population, yet there most absolutely the case. The mechanic or business man has no dealings whatever with his food except to eat it. He gives over his life's health, his daily strength, into the hands of his beloved female domestic; and asks nothing whatever of her production except that it "taste good."
The home-grown appetite yearns for "mom's cooking," without any understanding of its nutritional value, just like a child. This is particularly striking among our large farming community, yet it’s undeniably true. The factory worker or businessman has no involvement with his food beyond eating it. He completely entrusts his health and daily energy to his cherished home cook and expects nothing from her cooking except for it to "taste good."
But the farmer has a different trade. With him the whole business of his life is to feed things that they may grow. He has to replenish the soil with the elements his crops exhaust, in order to reap the best crops, the most profit. And even more directly with his live-stock; from hen to horse, with pigs, sheep, and cattle, he has constantly to consider what to put into them in order to be sure of the product, not too much grain for the horse, not too much hay; enough "green feed" in season; the value of the silo, the amount of salt necessary; the effect of beets, of wild onions, in the grass and in the butter; what to give hens in winter to make them lay; how to regulate the diet for more milk and less cream, or for less milk and more cream; how to fatten, how to strengthen, how to improve—in all ways the farmer has to realise the importance of food values in his business.
But the farmer has a different job. His whole life revolves around feeding things so they can grow. He needs to replenish the soil with the nutrients his crops deplete to yield the best harvests and the most profit. And even more directly with his livestock; from chickens to horses, with pigs, sheep, and cattle, he constantly has to think about what to feed them to ensure the best results—not too much grain for the horse, not too much hay; enough "green feed" in season; the value of the silo, how much salt they need; the impact of beets and wild onions in the grass and butter; what to feed hens in winter to keep them laying; how to adjust the diet for more milk and less cream, or for less milk and more cream; how to fatten, how to strengthen, how to improve—in every way, the farmer has to understand the importance of food values in his work.
Yet that same man, day after day, consumes his own food and sees his children fed, to say nothing of the mother of his children, without ever giving one thought to the nutritive values of that food. There must be enough to satisfy hunger, and it must "taste good," according to his particular brand of ancestry, his race habits, and early environment; but, beyond that, nothing is required.
Yet that same man, day after day, eats his own meals and watches his children being fed, not to mention the mother of his children, without ever considering the nutritional value of that food. It just needs to be enough to fill his stomach and it has to "taste good," based on his own background, cultural habits, and upbringing; but beyond that, nothing more is expected.
The farmer has assistance in his business. He shares in the accumulated experience of many farmers, before him and about him. There are valuable experiments being made in his behalf by the Bureau of Agriculture. He has trade papers to bring him the fruits of the world's progress in this line. Agriculture is one of the world's great functions, and has made magnificent progress. But humaniculture has no Bureau, no Secretary, no Experiment Stations; unless we count the recent experiments in boric-acid diet. The most valuable livestock on earth are casually fed by the haphazard efforts of any and every kind of ignorant woman; hired servants or married servants, as the case may be; dull, shortsighted, overworked women, far too busy in "doing the cooking" ever to study the science of feeding humanity. No science could ever make progress in such hands. Science must rest on broad observation, on the widest generalisation and deduction, on careful experiment and reconsideration.
The farmer has help with his business. He benefits from the combined knowledge of many farmers who came before him and those around him. The Bureau of Agriculture conducts valuable experiments for his benefit. He receives trade publications that inform him about the latest advancements in this field. Agriculture is one of the world's essential functions and has made remarkable progress. However, human agriculture lacks a Bureau, a Secretary, or Experiment Stations; unless we count the recent tests involving boric acid diets. The most valuable livestock on earth are often cared for haphazardly by all kinds of uninformed women—whether they're hired help or wives—who are busy with day-to-day tasks and rarely take the time to learn about the science of feeding people. Science can't advance under such circumstances. It needs to rely on extensive observation, broad generalizations and conclusions, careful experiments, and continuous reevaluation.
This is forever impossible at home. Until the food laboratory entirely supersedes the kitchen there can be no growth. Many of us, struggling to sit fast between two stools, seeing the imperative need of scientific feeding for humanity, yet blindly clinging to the separate wife-mother-cook functionary, exhort "the woman" to study all this matter, and cheerfully to devote her life to scientifically feeding her beloved family.
This is always going to be impossible at home. Until the food lab completely replaces the kitchen, there can be no progress. Many of us, caught in a tough spot, recognize the urgent need for scientific nutrition for humanity, yet we stubbornly hold on to the traditional role of women as wives, mothers, and cooks, urging "the woman" to learn all of this and happily dedicate her life to scientifically feeding her cherished family.
"The woman"—that is, a woman, any woman, every woman, and that means the deadly Average, the hopelessly Isolated, the handicapped Maternal, with the Lack of Specialisation, the Confusion of other Trades, and the Lack of Incentive. Not until "The woman" in "the home" can everywhere manifest a high degree of skill as a doctor, as an architect, as a barber, as anything, can she manifest that high degree as a cook.
"The woman"—that is, any woman, every woman, and this includes the dangerously Average, the sadly Isolated, the challenged Maternal, with the Lack of Specialization, the Confusion of various Trades, and the Lack of Motivation. Only when "The woman" in "the home" can demonstrate a high level of skill as a doctor, as an architect, as a barber, or in any other profession, can she also show that same high level as a cook.
Cooking is an art; cooking is a science; cooking is a handicraft; cooking is a business. None of these can ever grow without following the laws of all industrial progress—specialisation, contact and exchange, legitimate competition, and the stimulus of large world-incentives. When we have these we shall be able to improve our kind of animal as much as we do other kinds. We cannot arbitrarily by breeding, but we can by nutrition and education—to an unknown extent. Nutrition, properly adjusted, nutrition for the human animal, has hardly been thought of by the home cook. The inexorable limit of our Home-cooking is the Home.
Cooking is an art, a science, a craft, and a business. None of these can truly advance without adhering to the principles of industrial progress—specialization, interaction and trade, fair competition, and the motivation of global incentives. Once we have these, we can enhance our human kind just as we do with other species. While we can't solely rely on breeding, we can make significant improvements through nutrition and education—though we don’t yet fully understand the potential. Properly tailored nutrition for humans has barely been considered by home cooks. The unavoidable limit of home cooking is the home itself.
VIII
Home Decor
One of the undying efforts of our lives, of the lives of half the world, is "to make home beautiful." We love beauty, we love home, we naturally wish to combine the two. The rich spare no expense, the æsthetic no care and pains, in this continuous attempt; and the "home" papers, or "home departments" in other papers, teem with instruction on the subject for the eager, but untutored many.
One of the ongoing pursuits in our lives, and in the lives of half the world, is "to make home beautiful." We love beauty, we love home, and we naturally want to blend the two. The wealthy spend lavishly, and the aesthetic-minded invest significant time and effort in this never-ending endeavor; and the "home" magazines, or "home sections" in other publications, are filled with guidance on the topic for the eager but inexperienced masses.
In varying fields of work there is a strong current of improvement, in household construction, furnishing, and decoration; and new employments continually appear wherein the more cultured few apply their talents to the selection and arrangement of "artistic interiors" ready-made for the purchaser. Whole magazines are devoted to this end, articles unnumbered, books not a few, and courses of lectures. People who know beauty and love it are trying to teach it to those who do not, trying to introduce it where it is so painfully needed—in the home.
In different industries, there’s a strong push for improvement in home building, furnishing, and decorating. New jobs are constantly emerging where the more educated individuals use their skills to curate and design "artistic interiors" that are ready for buyers. Entire magazines focus on this topic, with countless articles, several books, and even lecture series available. Those who appreciate beauty and love it are attempting to teach it to those who don’t, striving to bring it into spaces where it’s desperately needed—in our homes.
Why does it not originate there? Why did the people who cared most for beauty and art, the Greeks, care so little for the home? And why do the people who care most for the home—our Anglo-Saxons—care so little for beauty and art? And, in such art-knowledge and art-growth as we have, why is it least manifested at home? What is there in home-life, as we know it, which proves inimical to the development of true beauty? If there is some condition in home life which is inimical to art, is that condition essential and permanent, or may it be removed without loss to what is essential and permanent?
Why doesn’t it start there? Why did the Greeks, who valued beauty and art the most, care so little about home? And why do the Anglo-Saxons, who care deeply about home, care so little about beauty and art? In the art knowledge and growth we have, why is it least evident at home? What is it about our home life that seems to hinder the development of true beauty? If there’s something in home life that’s detrimental to art, is that aspect necessary and permanent, or can it be changed without losing what’s essential and lasting?
Here are questions serious and practical; practical because beauty is an element of highest use as well as joy. Our love of it lies deep, and rests on truest instinct; the child feels it passionately; the savage feels it, we all feel it, but few understand it; and whether we understand it or not we long for it in vain. We often make our churches beautiful, our libraries and museums, but our domestic efforts are not crowned with the same relative success.
Here are some serious and practical questions; practical because beauty is not only useful but also brings joy. Our love for beauty runs deep and is based on our true instincts; children feel it intensely; even those who are considered uncivilized feel it; we all feel it, but few truly understand it. And whether we understand it or not, we still yearn for it in vain. We often beautify our churches, libraries, and museums, but our attempts at creating beauty in our homes are rarely as successful.
The reasons for this innate lack of beauty in the home are not far to seek. The laws of applied beauty reach deep, spread wide, and are inexorable: Truth; first, last, and always—no falsehood, imitation, or pretence: Simplicity; no devious meandering, but the direct clear purpose and result: Unity, Harmony, that unerring law of relation which keeps the past true to the whole—never too much here or there—all balanced and at rest: Restraint; no riotous excess, no rush from inadequacy to profusion.
The reasons for this natural lack of beauty in the home are easy to identify. The principles of beauty are deep, wide-reaching, and unchangeable: Truth; always and forever—no lies, imitation, or pretense: Simplicity; no complicated twists and turns, just clear purpose and outcome: Unity, Harmony, that infallible law of connection that keeps the past true to the whole—never too much in any area—everything balanced and calm: Restraint; no wild excess, no jumping from lack to abundance.
If the student of art rightly apprehends these laws, his whole life is richer and sounder as well as his art. If the art he studies is one under definite laws of construction, he has to learn them, too; as in architecture, where the laws of mechanics operate with those of æsthetics, and there is no beauty if the mechanical laws are defied.
If an art student understands these principles correctly, both their life and their art become richer and stronger. If the art they study follows specific rules of composition, they need to learn those too; this is especially true in architecture, where mechanical laws work alongside aesthetic ones, and you can't have beauty if the mechanical rules are ignored.
Architecture is the most prominent form of domestic art. Why is not domestic architecture as good as public architecture? If the home is a temple, why should not our hills be dotted with fair shrines worthy of worship?
Architecture is the most significant form of home art. Why isn't residential architecture as impressive as public architecture? If the home is a sanctuary, why shouldn't our landscapes be filled with beautiful shrines worthy of reverence?
We may talk as we will of "the domestic shrine," but the architect does not find the kitchen stove an inspiring altar. If it did inspire him, if he began to develop the idea of a kitchen—a temple to Hygeia and Epicurus, a great central altar for the libations and sacrifices, with all appropriate accessories for the contributory labour of the place—he could not make a pocket-edition of this temple, and stick it on to every house in forced connection with the other domestic necessities.
We can discuss "the domestic shrine" all we want, but the architect doesn’t see the kitchen stove as an inspiring altar. If it did inspire him, if he started to envision a kitchen as a temple to Hygeia and Epicurus, a grand central altar for offerings and sacrifices, complete with all the necessary features for the work done there—he wouldn’t be able to create a compact version of this temple and attach it to every house along with other household essentials.
The eating-room then confronts him, a totally different motif. We do not wish to eat in the kitchen. We do not wish to see, smell, hear, or think of the kitchen while we eat. So the domestic architect is under the necessity of separating as far as possible these discordant purposes, while obliged still to confine them to the same walls and roof.
The dining room then faces him, a completely different theme. We don’t want to eat in the kitchen. We don’t want to see, smell, hear, or think about the kitchen while we eat. So the home designer has to keep these conflicting purposes as separate as possible, while still having to fit them within the same walls and roof.
Then come the bedrooms. We do not wish to sleep in the kitchen—or in the dining-room. Nothing is further from our ideals than to confound the sheets with the tablecloths, the bed with the stove, the dressing table with the sink. So again the architect, whose kitchen-tendency was so rudely checked by the dining-room tendency, is brought up standing by the bedroom tendency, its demand for absolute detachment and remoteness, and the necessity for keeping its structural limits within those same walls and roof.
Then we have the bedrooms. We definitely don’t want to sleep in the kitchen or the dining room. There’s nothing that goes against our ideals more than mixing sheets with tablecloths, beds with stoves, and dressing tables with sinks. So once more, the architect, whose interest in the kitchen was abruptly interrupted by the dining room, is faced with the bedroom's need for complete separation and distance, along with the requirement to maintain its structural boundaries within those same walls and roof.
Then follows the reception-room tendency—we do not wish to receive our visitors in the kitchen—or the bedroom—or exclusively in the dining-room. So the parlour theme is developed as far as may be, connected with the dining-room, and disconnected as far as possible from all the other life-themes going on under that roof.
Then comes the preference for a reception room—we don't want to welcome our guests in the kitchen—or the bedroom—or only in the dining room. So the living room concept is expanded as much as possible, connected to the dining room, and kept as separate as possible from all the other activities happening under that roof.
When we add to these the limits of space, especially in our cities, the limits of money, so almost universal, and the limits of personal taste, we may have clearly before us the reasons why domestic architecture does not thrill the soul with its beauty.
When we consider the constraints of space, especially in our cities, the widespread issue of budget constraints, and personal preferences, we can clearly see why residential architecture doesn't inspire deep admiration for its beauty.
Whenever it does, to any extent, the reason is as clear. The feudal castle was beautiful because it had one predominant idea—defence; and was a stone monument to that idea. Here you could have truth, and did have it. Defence was imperative, absolute; every other need was subsidiary; a fine type of castle could give room for unity, simplicity, harmony, and restraint; and stirs us yet to delighted admiration. But it was not a comfortable dwelling-house.
Whenever it does, to any extent, the reason is obvious. The feudal castle was beautiful because it had one main purpose—defense; and it stood as a solid monument to that purpose. Here, you could find truth, and you did find it. Defense was critical, absolute; every other need came second; a well-designed castle could allow for unity, simplicity, harmony, and restraint; and it still inspires us with admiration. But it was not a cozy home.
A cottage is also capable of giving the sense of beauty; especially an old thatch-roofed cottage; mossy, mouldy, leaky, damp. The cottage is an undifferentiated home; it is primarily a kitchen—with a bedroom or two added—or included! Small primitive houses, like the white, square, flat-roofed dwellings of Algiers, group beautifully, or, taken singly, give a good bit of white against blue fire, behind green foliage.
A cottage can definitely convey a sense of beauty, especially an old thatched-roof cottage that’s mossy, moldy, leaky, and damp. The cottage is a simple home; it's mainly a kitchen with one or two bedrooms attached—or just included! Small, basic houses, like the white, square, flat-roofed homes in Algiers, look great grouped together, or even on their own, they create a striking contrast of white against blue skies, framed by green leaves.
But as a theme in itself, a thing to study and make pictures of, the castle, the temple of war, is the most beautiful type of dwelling place—and the least inhabitable. In our really comfortable homes we have lost beauty, though we have gained in comfort. Would it be possible to have comfort and beauty too; beauty which would thrill and exalt us, delight and satisfy us, and which the art critic would dwell upon as he now does on temple, hall, and church?
But as a theme on its own, something to explore and depict, the castle, the fortress, is the most beautiful kind of home—and the least livable. In our truly comfortable houses, we've lost beauty, even though we've gained comfort. Is it possible to have both comfort and beauty; beauty that would excite and uplift us, delight and fulfill us, and that art critics would focus on as they currently do with temples, halls, and churches?
Let us here take up the other domestic arts; surrendering architecture as apparently hopeless. We cannot expect our composers in wood and stone to take a number of absolutely contradictory themes and produce an effect of truth, unity, harmony, simplicity, and restraint; but may we not furnish and decorate our homes beautifully? Perhaps we might; but do we? What do we know, what do we care, for the elementary laws which make this thing beautiful, that thing ugly, and the same things vary as they are combined with others!
Let’s talk about other home arts, leaving architecture behind as it seems too difficult. We can’t expect our wood and stone creators to take a bunch of completely opposing ideas and create something that feels true, unified, harmonious, simple, and restrained; but can’t we at least furnish and decorate our homes nicely? Maybe we could; but do we? What do we know or care about the basic principles that make one thing beautiful, another ugly, and how the same items can change their look when mixed with others?
In the furnishing and decoration of a home we have room for more harmony than in the exterior, because each room may be treated separately according to its especial purpose, and we can accustom ourselves to the æsthetic jar of stepping from one to another, or even bring them all under some main scheme.
In decorating a home, we have more opportunity for harmony than with the outside, because we can design each room individually based on its specific purpose. We can get used to the aesthetic difference when moving from one room to another, or we can unify them all under a main theme.
But here we are confronted by the enormous unrestricted weight of the limitation which is felt least by the architect—personal taste. We do not dictate much to our builders, most of us; but we do dictate as to the inside of the house and all that is in it. The dominating influence in home decoration is of course the woman. She is the final arbiter of the textures, colours, proportions, sizes, shapes, and relations of human production. How does she effect our output? What is her influence upon art—the applied art that is found, or should be found, in everything we make and use?
But here we face the enormous, unrestricted weight of the limitation that’s least felt by the architect—personal taste. Most of us don’t impose many restrictions on our builders; however, we do have a say in the interior of the house and everything inside it. The primary influence in home decoration is, of course, the woman. She is the final decision-maker regarding the textures, colors, proportions, sizes, shapes, and relationships of what we create. How does she affect our output? What influence does she have on art—the applied art that exists, or should exist, in everything we create and use?
We may buy, if we can afford it, specimens of art, pictorial or sculptural art, or any other, and place them in our houses; but the mere accumulation of beautiful objects is not decoration; often quite the contrary. There are many beautiful vases in the shop where you bought yours; there is but one in the Japanese room—and there is beauty.
We can buy, if we have the budget for it, pieces of art, whether they’re paintings or sculptures, or anything else, and display them in our homes; however, just gathering pretty things doesn’t count as decoration; it can sometimes be the opposite. There are lots of beautiful vases in the store where you got yours; there’s only one in the Japanese room—and that’s where true beauty is.
The magpie instinct of the collector has no part in a genuine sense of beauty. An ostentatious exhibit of one's valuable possessions does not show the sense of beauty. A beautiful chamber is neither show-room nor museum. That personal "taste" in itself is no guide to beauty needs but little proof. The "taste" of the Flathead Indian, of the tattooed Islander, of all the grades of physical deformity which mankind has admired, is sufficient to show that a personal preference is no ground for judgment in beauty.
The instinct of a collector is not connected to a true sense of beauty. Showing off valuable possessions doesn’t demonstrate an appreciation for beauty. A beautiful room is neither a showroom nor a museum. Personal “taste” alone doesn’t serve as a reliable indicator of beauty and requires little evidence. The “taste” of the Flathead Indian, the tattooed Islander, and all the forms of physical deformity that people have admired are enough to prove that personal preference is not a valid basis for judging beauty.
Beauty has laws, and an appreciation of them is not possessed equally by all. The more primitive and ignorant a race, or class, the less it knows of true beauty.
Beauty has its rules, and not everyone understands them equally. The more primitive and uneducated a race or class is, the less they grasp the concept of true beauty.
The Indian basket-makers wove beautiful things, but they did not know it; give them the cheap and ugly productions of our greedy "market" and they like them better. They may unconsciously produce beauty, but they do not consciously select it.
The Indian basket-makers created beautiful items, but they didn’t realize it; when given the cheap and unattractive products of our greedy "market," they preferred those instead. They might unintentionally create beauty, but they don’t deliberately choose it.
Our women are far removed from the primitive simplicity that produces unconscious beauty; and they are also far removed from that broad culture and wide view of life which can intellectually grasp it. They have neither the natural instinct nor the acquired knowledge of beauty; but they do have, in million-fold accumulation, a "personal taste." The life of the woman in the home is absolutely confined to personal details. Her field of study and of work is not calculated to develop large judgment, but is calculated to develop intense feeling; and feeling on a comparatively low plane. She is forced continually to contemplate and minister to the last details of the physical wants of humanity in ceaseless daily repetition. Whatever tendency to develop artistic feeling and judgment she might have in one line of her work, is ruthlessly contradicted by the next, and the next; and her range of expression in each line is too small to allow of any satisfying growth.
Our women are far removed from the basic simplicity that brings about natural beauty, and they also lack the broad culture and perspective that helps one intellectually appreciate it. They don’t have the innate instinct or the knowledgeable understanding of beauty; instead, they possess a "personal taste" that is multiplied in countless ways. The life of a woman at home is completely focused on personal details. Her area of study and work doesn't encourage her to develop a big-picture perspective, but rather to cultivate deep emotions, albeit on a relatively shallow level. She is constantly forced to deal with and cater to the everyday physical needs of people in a never-ending cycle. Any potential she might have to foster artistic feelings and judgment in one aspect of her work is harshly undermined by the next, and the next after that; her ability to express herself in any of these areas is too limited to allow for any meaningful growth.
The very rich woman who can purchase others' things and others' judgment, or the exceptional woman who does work and study in some one line, may show development in the sense of beauty; but it is not produced at home. The love of it is there, the desire for it, most cruelly aborted; and the result of that starved beauty-sense is what we see in our familiar rooms.
The extremely wealthy woman who can buy others' possessions and opinions, or the extraordinary woman who commits to work and study in a particular field, might display some growth in her sense of beauty; however, it's not cultivated at home. The love for beauty exists, the desire for it is often stifled; and the outcome of that neglected appreciation for beauty is evident in our everyday spaces.
Being familiar, we bear with our surroundings; perhaps even love them; when we go into each other's homes we do not think their things to be beautiful; we think ours are because we are used to them; we have no appreciation of an object in its relation to the rest, or its lack of relation.
Being familiar, we accept our surroundings; maybe even love them; when we enter each other's homes, we don't see their things as beautiful; we think ours are because we're so accustomed to them; we lack appreciation for an object in relation to everything else, or its lack of connection.
The bottled discord of the woman's daily occupations if quite sufficient to account for the explosions of discord on her walls and floors. She continually has to do utterly inharmonious things, she lives in incessant effort to perform all at once and in the same place the most irreconcilable processes.
The bottled chaos of the woman's daily tasks is enough to explain the outbursts of conflict on her walls and floors. She constantly has to handle completely incompatible things, living in a constant struggle to complete everything at once and in the same space, engaging in the most contradictory activities.
She has to adjust, disadjust, and readjust her mental focus a thousand times a day; not only to things, but to actions; not only to actions, but to persons; and so, to live at all, she must develop a kind of mind that does not object to discord. Unity, harmony, simplicity, truth, restraint—these are not applicable in a patchwork life, however hallowed by high devotion and tender love. This is why domestic art is so low—so indistinguishable.
She has to shift, unshift, and shift her mental focus a thousand times a day; not just to things, but to actions; not only to actions, but to people; and so, to live at all, she has to cultivate a mindset that does not mind chaos. Unity, harmony, simplicity, truth, restraint—these don't really apply in a patchwork life, no matter how much it's filled with deep devotion and love. That's why domestic art is so undervalued—so hard to tell apart.
When our great Centennial Exhibition was given us, a wave of beauty spread into thousands of homes, but it did not originate there. The White City by the lake was an inspiration to myriad lives, and wrought a lovely change in her architecture and many other arts; but the Black City by the Lake is there yet, waiting for another extra-domestic uplifting.
When our amazing Centennial Exhibition was held, a wave of beauty spread into thousands of homes, but it didn’t start there. The White City by the lake inspired countless lives and brought about a beautiful change in architecture and many other arts; however, the Black City by the Lake is still there, waiting for another boost from the outside world.
The currents of home-life are so many, so diverse, so contradictory, that they are only maintained by using the woman as a sort of universal solvent; and this position of holding many diverse elements in solution is not compatible with the orderly crystallisation of any of them, or with much peace of mind to the unhappy solvent.
The dynamics of home life are numerous, diverse, and often conflicting, relying on women to act as a sort of universal solvent. However, this role of holding many different elements together doesn't allow for the neat organization of any of them, nor does it contribute to the peace of mind of the overburdened individual.
The most conspicuous field for the display of the beauty sense—or the lack of it—in our home life, is in textile fabrics and their application to the body. The House is the foundation of textile art. People who live out of doors wear hides, if they wear anything. In the shelter and peace of the house, developed by ever-widening commerce, grew these wonderful textile arts, the evolution of a new plane for beauty. We find in nature nothing approaching it, save in the limited and passing form of spreading leaf and petal. To make a continuous substance soft as flowers, warm as furs, brilliant as the sunset—this was a great step in art.
The most noticeable area for showcasing our sense of beauty—or lack of it—in our home life is in the textile fabrics we choose and how we use them on our bodies. The home is the foundation of textile art. People who live outdoors wear animal hides, if they wear anything at all. In the comfort and safety of the home, developed through expanding trade, these amazing textile arts flourished, creating a new standard for beauty. We find nothing in nature that compares, except for the fleeting forms of spreading leaves and petals. Creating a continuous material that is soft like flowers, warm like furs, and vibrant like the sunset was a significant achievement in art.
Woven beauty is a home product, and in the house we are most free to use and admire it. The "street dress," even the most unsophisticated, is under some restrictions; but the house dress may be anything we please. There is nothing in the mechanical limitations of house life to pervert or check this form of loveliness. We are free to make and to use the most exquisite materials, to wear the most pleasing of textures and shapes.
Woven beauty is a home product, and in our homes, we can use and appreciate it freely. The "street dress," no matter how basic, comes with some limitations; but the house dress can be whatever we want. There are no mechanical restrictions in home life that can distort or hinder this form of beauty. We are free to create and wear the most exquisite materials and the most appealing textures and shapes.
Why, then, do we find in this line of development such hideously inartistic things? Because the discords of domestic industries and functions prevent a sense of harmony even here. Because the woman, confined to a primitive, a savage plane of occupation, continues to manifest an equally savage plane of æsthetic taste.
Why, then, do we see such ugly and unartistic things in this development? Because the conflicts within domestic industries and roles disrupt any sense of harmony, even in this context. Because women, limited to a primitive, almost savage type of work, continue to show an equally primitive sense of aesthetic taste.
One of the most marked features of early savage decoration is in its distortion and mutilation of the body to meet arbitrary standards of supposed beauty. An idea of beauty, true or false, is apprehended, its line of special evolution rapidly followed, and there is no knowledge of physiology or grasp of larger harmonies of bodily grace to check the ensuing mutilation.
One of the most noticeable aspects of early primitive decoration is the way it distorts and mutilates the body to fit arbitrary standards of supposed beauty. A concept of beauty, whether accurate or not, is understood, and its specific development is quickly pursued, with no awareness of physiology or appreciation for the broader harmonies of bodily grace to prevent the resulting mutilation.
The Zulus decorate their cattle by cutting the dewlap into fringe, and splitting and twisting the growing horns into fantastic shapes. Some savage women tie the gastrocnemius muscle tightly above and below, till the "calf of the leg" looks like a Dutch cheese on a broomstick. Some tie strings about the breasts till they dangle half detached; some file the teeth or pluck out the eyebrows.
The Zulus adorn their cattle by trimming the dewlap into fringes and shaping the growing horns into unique designs. Some women use tight bands on the gastrocnemius muscle above and below, making the "calf of the leg" look like a Dutch cheese on a broomstick. Others tie strings around the breasts until they hang loosely; some file the teeth or pluck out the eyebrows.
In the home, among women, still appear these manifestations of a crude beauty-sense, unchecked by larger knowledge. Our best existent examples are in the Chinese foot-binding custom, and ours of waist-binding. The initial idea of the corset is in a way artistic. We perceive that the feminine form has certain curves and proportions, tending thus and so; and following the tendency we proceed to exaggerate those curves and proportions and fix them arbitrarily. This is the same law by which we conventionalise a flower for decorative purposes, turning the lily of the field into the fleur-de-lis of the tapestry. The Egyptians did it, to an extreme degree, in their pictorial art, reducing the human body to certain fixed proportions and attitudes.
In the home, among women, these signs of a basic sense of beauty still show up, untempered by broader knowledge. Our best examples today are in the Chinese practice of foot-binding and our own tradition of waist-binding. The original idea behind the corset is somewhat artistic. We notice that the female form has specific curves and proportions, leaning this way and that; and in response, we exaggerate those curves and proportions and fix them in an arbitrary way. This is similar to how we stylize a flower for decoration, transforming the lily of the field into the fleur-de-lis of the tapestry. The Egyptians took this to an extreme in their artwork, reducing the human body to fixed proportions and poses.
The application of these principles to living bodies is peculiar to the savage, and its persistence among our women is perhaps the strongest proof of the primitive nature of the home. As women enter the larger life of the world these limitations are easily outgrown; the working-woman cannot make a conventionalised ornament of her body, and the business woman does not care to; the really educated woman knows better, and the woman artist would be bitterly ashamed of such an offence against nature; only the home-bound woman peacefully maintains it.
The use of these principles on living beings is unique to the savage, and its continued presence among women today likely reflects the primitive nature of the home. As women engage more with the world, these limitations are quickly left behind; a working woman can’t turn her body into a conventional ornament, and a businesswoman isn’t interested in doing so; a truly educated woman understands better, and a woman artist would feel deeply ashamed of such a violation of nature; only the woman who stays at home continues to uphold it.
To the scientific student, man or woman, the sturdy reappearance of this very early custom is intensely interesting; he sees in the "newest fashion" of holding and binding the body a peculiar survival of the very oldest fashion in personal decoration known to us. The latest corset advertisement ranks ethnologically with the earliest Egyptian hieroglyph, the Aztec inscriptions, and races far behind them.
To the scientific student, whether man or woman, the strong comeback of this ancient custom is incredibly interesting; they see in the "newest trend" of shaping and binding the body a strange survival of the very oldest style in personal decoration known to us. The latest corset ad ranks alongside the earliest Egyptian hieroglyphs, the Aztec inscriptions, and lags far behind them.
The woman's love of beauty finds its freest expression along lines of personal decorations, and there, as in the decoration of the house, we see the same crippling influence.
The woman's love for beauty is most freely expressed through personal decorations, and there, just like in home decor, we see the same limiting influence.
She loves beautiful textures, velvet, satin, and silk, soft muslin and sheer lawn; she loves the delicate fantasy of lace, the alluring richness of fur; she loves the colour and sparkle of gems, the splendour of burnished metal, and, in her savage crudity of taste, she slaps together any and every combination of these things and wears them happily.
She loves beautiful textures like velvet, satin, and silk, as well as soft muslin and sheer fabric; she loves the delicate beauty of lace and the luxurious richness of fur; she loves the colors and shine of gemstones, the elegance of polished metal, and, in her wild sense of style, she throws together any and every combination of these things and wears them with joy.
A typical extreme of this ingenuous lack of artistic principles is the recent, and still present, enormity of trimming lace with fur. This combines the acme of all highly wrought refinement of texture and exquisite delicacy of design, a fabric that suggests the subtleties of artistic expression with a gossamer tenuity of grace; this, and dressed hide with the hair still on, the very first cover for man's nakedness, the symbol of savage luxury and grandeur, of raw barbaric wealth, which suggests warmth, ample satisfying warmth and crude splendour in its thick profusion! We cut up the warmth and amplitude into threads and scraps which can only suggest the gleanings of a tan-yard rag-picker, and use these shabby fragments to trim lace! Trim what is in itself the sublimated essence of trimming, with the leavings of the earliest of raw materials! Only the soul which spends its life in a group of chambers connected merely by mechanical force; in a group of industries connected merely by iron tradition, could bear a combination like that—to say nothing of enjoying it. Domestic art is almost a contradiction in terms.
A typical example of this naive lack of artistic principles is the recent and still ongoing trend of trimming lace with fur. This combines the peak of finely crafted textures and exquisite design delicacy, a fabric that hints at the subtleties of artistic expression with a light, graceful touch; this, along with dressed hides that still have the hair on them, serves as the original covering for humanity's nakedness, symbolizing savage luxury and grandeur, representing raw, barbaric wealth, which suggests warmth—ample, satisfying warmth—and crude splendor in its thick abundance! We chop up that warmth and richness into threads and scraps that only evoke the leftovers of a tanning yard rag picker and use these worn-out bits to trim lace! We embellish what is inherently the refined essence of trimming with the remnants of the most basic raw materials! Only someone whose life is spent in a series of rooms connected only by mechanical means, in a network of industries linked only by ironclad traditions, could tolerate a combination like that—let alone actually enjoy it. Domestic art is almost a contradiction in terms.
The development of art, like the development of industry, requires the specialisation, the life-long devotion, impossible to the arbitrary combinations of home life. Where you find great beauty you find a great civic sense, most clearly in that high-water mark of human progress in this direction, ancient Greece. Within the limits of their cities, the Greeks were more fully "civilised" than any people before or since. They thought, felt, and acted in this large social contact; and so developed a sufficient breadth of view, a wide, sweet sanity of mind, which allowed of this free growth of the art-sense. Great art is always public, and appears only in periods of high social development. The one great art of the dark ages—religious architecture—flourished in that universal atmosphere of "Christendom," the one social plane on which all met.
The growth of art, like the growth of industry, needs specialization and a lifelong commitment, which can't really happen with the random mixes of daily life at home. Where you see great beauty, you also see a strong sense of community, most obviously evident in the peak of human achievement in this realm, ancient Greece. Within their cities, the Greeks were more fully "civilized" than any other society before or since. They thought, felt, and acted in a broad social environment, which gave them a wide perspective and a healthy mindset that allowed the art sense to flourish. Great art is always meant for the public and emerges only during times of significant social advancement. The one major art form of the dark ages—religious architecture—thrived in the universal spirit of "Christendom," the one social platform where everyone came together.
The Greeks were unified in many ways; and their highly socialised minds gave room for a more general development of art, as well as many other social faculties.
The Greeks were united in many ways, and their tightly-knit communities fostered a broader development of art and various other social skills.
Household decoration was not conspicuous, nor elaborate attire; and while their women were necessarily beautiful as the daughters of such men, it was the men whose beauty was most admired and immortalised. The women stayed at home, as now, but the home did not absorb men, too, as it does now. When art caters to private tastes, to domestic tastes, to the wholly private and domestic tastes of women, art goes down.
Household decoration wasn’t flashy, nor was clothing overly fancy; and while the women were undeniably beautiful, like the daughters of such men, it was the men whose looks were most admired and remembered. The women stayed at home, as they do now, but back then the home didn’t consume the men the way it does today. When art focuses on personal preferences, on home-centered tastes, especially those of women, it tends to decline.
The Home was the birthplace of Art, as of so many other human faculties, but is no sufficing area for it. So long as the lives of our women are spent at home, their tastes limited by it, their abilities, ambitions, and desires limited by it, so long will the domestic influence lower art.
The Home was the birthplace of Art, as of so many other human faculties, but it's not enough space for it. As long as women spend their lives at home, their tastes confined by it, and their abilities, ambitions, and desires restricted by it, the domestic influence will continue to hold back art.
"So much the worse for art!" will stoutly cry the defenders of the home; and they would be right if we could have but one. We can have both.
"So much the worse for art!" will firmly shout those who defend the home; and they would be correct if we could only have one. We can have both.
A larger womanhood, a civilised womanhood, specialised, broad-minded, working and caring for the public good as well as the private, will give us not only better homes, but homes more beautiful. The child will be cradled in an atmosphere of harmonious loveliness, and its influence will be felt in all life. This is no trifle of an artificially cultivated æsthetic taste; it is one of nature's deepest laws. "Art" may vary and suffer in different stages of our growth, but the laws of beauty remain the same; and a race reared under those laws will be the nobler.
A larger, more civilized womanhood that is specialized, open-minded, and dedicated to both public and private welfare will provide us with not only better homes, but also more beautiful ones. Children will grow up in an environment filled with harmonious beauty, and this will impact all aspects of life. This isn't just a superficial sense of aesthetic taste; it's one of nature's fundamental laws. "Art" may change and be affected by different periods of our development, but the principles of beauty stay constant; and a society raised under those principles will be nobler.
These more developed women will outgrow the magpie taste that hoards all manner of gay baubles; the monkey-taste that imitates whatever it sees; the savage taste that distorts the human body; they will recognise in that body one infinitely noble expression of beauty, and refuse to dishonour it with ugliness.
These more evolved women will move beyond the superficial cravings that collect all kinds of flashy trinkets; the shallow desire that copies whatever it encounters; the crude appreciation that alters the human form; they will see in that body one truly noble expression of beauty and will reject any form of ugliness.
They will learn to care for proportion as well as plumpness, for health as well as complexion, for strength and activity as essentials to living loveliness, and to see that no dress can be beautiful which in any way contradicts the body it should but serve and glorify. We do not know, because we have not seen, the difference to our lives which will be made by this large sense of beauty in the woman—in the home; but we may be assured that, while she stays continually there, we shall have but our present stage of domestic art.
They will learn to appreciate both proportion and fullness, health and skin tone, as well as strength and energy as crucial for living beautifully. They'll understand that no outfit can be truly beautiful if it contradicts the body it is meant to enhance and celebrate. We might not realize, since we haven't witnessed it, how much this broad understanding of beauty in women—and in the home—will impact our lives. However, we can be sure that as long as she remains there, we will only experience the current level of domestic art.
IX
Home Ethics
The relation of the home to ethics is so vital, so intimate, so extensive, as to call for the utmost care and patience in its study.
The connection between home and ethics is so important, so close, and so broad that it demands the greatest care and patience in its study.
The "domestic virtues" are well known to us, and well loved. We have a general conviction that all our virtues as well as charity begin at home; that the ethical progress of man is a steady stream flowing out of the home, and as far as we compare one virtue with another, we assume the domestic virtues to be the best.
The "domestic virtues" are familiar to us, and we hold them dear. We generally believe that all our virtues, including charity, start at home; that the moral growth of a person is a continuous flow originating from the household. And when we compare one virtue to another, we tend to assume that the domestic virtues are the strongest.
In half the race we ask nothing but the domestic virtues; in the other half we look for something further; but consider such civic and social virtues as appear to be offshoots of the domestic. We call the home "the cradle of all the virtues," and never imagine for a moment that it can cradle anything else—in the line of ethics.
In the first half of life, we focus solely on the values of home and family; in the second half, we seek something beyond that, such as civic and social values that seem to stem from those domestic ones. We refer to the home as "the cradle of all virtues," and we never think for a second that it could nurture anything else in terms of ethics.
Now let us make a careful examination of this field; first establishing a standard of human conduct and character, and then studying the relation of the home to that standard. The same consideration referred to in previous chapters is here most urgently pressed upon the reader: that all the qualities found in the home do not necessarily originate there. As a race rises and improves, its improvement appears in the home, as elsewhere. But that improvement is in itself due to varying conditions. The diffusion of intelligence following the discovery of the art of printing lifted the general average mind, and so lifted the home as well as other departments of life. But that increase of intelligence did not originate in home life, and is in no way due to its influence.
Now let's take a close look at this area; first, we'll establish a standard for human behavior and character, and then we'll explore how the home relates to that standard. The same point mentioned in previous chapters is especially important for the reader to consider: not all the qualities found in the home come from there. As a society progresses and improves, that progress is reflected in the home, just like in other areas of life. However, that improvement stems from various factors. The spread of knowledge following the invention of the printing press raised the average level of intellect, which elevated the home as well as other aspects of life. But that increase in knowledge didn’t come from home life and isn't influenced by it.
The sense of human liberty which spread rapidly among us in the early years of the settlement of this country, following, as it did, the splendid dash for religious liberty which brought so many of our ancestors here, has borne fruit in our home life. We have more freedom in the family relation than is found in older forms of government, but this larger freedom did not originate in the home and is in no way to be accredited to it.
The feeling of personal freedom that spread quickly among us in the early days of the settlement of this country, following the courageous pursuit of religious freedom that brought many of our ancestors here, has influenced our home life. We enjoy more freedom in family relationships than is typically seen in older forms of government, but this greater freedom didn't come from the home and shouldn't be credited to it.
Home-life, as such, does in itself tend to produce certain ethical qualities; qualities not produced, or not in any such degree, by other fields of life. Constant association with helpless infancy develops a generous care and kindness—that is, it does so when the helpless infants are one's own. The managers of foundling and orphan asylums do not seem always to be so affected. Constant association with the inevitable errors and mistakes of childhood develops patience and sympathy, or tends to do so. There are qualities brought out in home life which extend their influence into the life of the world. The young man or woman who has had good home influence shows that advantage all through life. But there are also qualities brought out in the world's life apart from the home; and the man or woman affected by these shows them in the home life. We find in our homes the gathered flowers of civilisation, of Christianity, of progress in general; and unconsciously accredit the homes with the production of these beautiful results—quite erroneously.
Home life tends to develop certain ethical qualities that aren't produced, or at least not to the same extent, by other areas of life. Constant interactions with helpless infants foster a sense of generosity and kindness—especially when those infants are your own. However, the managers of foundling and orphanages don't always seem to be influenced in the same way. Constant exposure to the inevitable errors and mistakes of childhood can nurture patience and sympathy, or at least it should. There are qualities shaped by home life that extend their impact into the wider world. A young man or woman who has had a positive home environment carries that advantage throughout their life. But there are also qualities shaped by the outside world, and individuals influenced by these display them within their home life. Our homes reflect the accumulated benefits of civilization, Christianity, and overall progress; we often mistakenly credit homes for these beautiful outcomes.
The influence of religion, as we all know when we stop to think of it, has done much more for us than the influence of the home. The Canaanites had homes—yet gave their children to Moloch. The demand of the idol had more power than the appeal of the child. The Hindoos have homes, yet give their babies to the water, their widows to the fire.
The impact of religion, as we all realize when we think about it, has provided us with much more than what we get from our homes. The Canaanites had homes—yet they sacrificed their children to Moloch. The pull of the idol was stronger than the love for their children. The Hindus have homes too, yet they throw their babies into the water and their widows into the fire.
Besides religion there are many other influences which affect human character and conduct; the influences of our government, our education, our business. We are seeking here to point out precisely what ethical qualities are developed by home life, good or bad; and to show further that the present condition of the home is not final, nor vitally essential. We may so change the conditions of home life as to retain all that modifies character for good, and to discard all that modifies it for evil.
Besides religion, there are many other factors that shape human character and behavior, including the influence of our government, education, and work. Here, we aim to identify the specific ethical qualities that arise from home life, whether positive or negative. We also want to demonstrate that the current state of the home is not permanent or crucial. We can change the circumstances of home life to keep everything that positively influences character while eliminating anything that has a negative impact.
The home as a permanent institution in society, if rightly placed and understood, works for good. The home in its non-essential conditions, if wrongly placed in our scheme of thought, if misunderstood, if out of proportion and loaded with anachronisms, works evil. In the complex group of qualities which make up the human character to-day, for good and ill, many influences are traceable; and we wish here to disentangle from among them some lines of influence, and show what place is held by the home in making us what we are and what we wish to be.
The home, when viewed as a lasting part of society and properly understood, contributes positively. However, if we misunderstand it, misplace it in our thinking, or burden it with outdated ideas, it can have negative effects. Today, the human character is shaped by a variety of influences, both good and bad, and we aim to clarify some of these influences to show how the home contributes to who we are and who we aspire to be.
What is the preferred type of excellence in humanity according to our social instincts and to the measure of history? We began as savages, and the savage standard of ethics is easily grasped; we have progressed a long way beyond that savage standard; but ours is still well within the reach of common understanding. Without seeking for careful sequence let us enumerate our principal human virtues:
What is the ideal type of excellence in humanity based on our social instincts and historical perspective? We started off as savages, and the savage standard of ethics is straightforward; we have advanced far beyond that barbaric standard, yet our current values are still easily understood. Without trying to be overly systematic, let’s list our main human virtues:
Love; with derivatives of kindness, sympathy, courtesy, etc. Truth; with honesty, accuracy, etc. Courage; connects with strength and wisdom. Justice; with a right humility. Self-control; with endurance, patience, and again with courtesy; also with temperance and chastity. Honour; a high, inflexible standard of various virtues.
Love, along with kindness, sympathy, courtesy, and other qualities. Truth, linked to honesty and accuracy. Courage, connected to strength and wisdom. Justice, associated with a true sense of humility. Self-control, tied to endurance, patience, and once more, courtesy; as well as with temperance and chastity. Honor, a high, unwavering standard of various virtues.
These are arbitrary general types, but do fairly enough for this study. A human being possessed of these in high degree we should call "good." They all combine well with one another, and have many derivatives, some of which are above noted. Their common opposites are as easily given:
These are general categories that might seem random, but they work well enough for this study. A person who has these qualities to a high degree we would call "good." They all fit together nicely and have many variations, a few of which have been mentioned above. Their common opposites are just as easy to identify:
Hate; unkindness, coldness, rudeness. Falsehood; lying, dishonesty, inaccuracy. Cowardice; connects with weakness and ignorance. Injustice; this allows pride—rests on ignorance. Self-indulgence; followed by intemperance, unchastity, impatience, and other vices. Dishonour; meaning a low standard of virtues in general.
Hate; unkindness, coldness, rudeness. Falsehood; lying, dishonesty, inaccuracy. Cowardice; tied to weakness and ignorance. Injustice; this breeds pride—based on ignorance. Self-indulgence; leads to excess, immorality, impatience, and other vices. Dishonor; signifies a low standard of virtues overall.
Man the savage had of these courage, in some lines; endurance and patience, in some lines; civilised man surpasses him in these, and has developed all the others. What are the conditions which have brought forth this degree of virtue in us, and how does the home rank among those conditions?
Man, the savage, had courage in some respects; endurance and patience, in some respects; civilized man surpasses him in these areas and has developed all the others. What are the circumstances that have led to this level of virtue in us, and what role does the home play among those circumstances?
Let us first do it full justice. Mother-love is the foundation and permanent force of home life; and, mother-love is, indeed, the parent of all the love we know. Altruism was born of babyhood. The continued existence of the child—of a succession of children; the permanent presence of helplessness and its irresistible demands for care; this forced us into a widening of the sympathies, a deepening of sensitiveness to others' needs; this laid the foundations of human love. In this sense, the home is the cradle of one of our very greatest virtues. Love began with the mother; but it should not stop with her. "Mother-love" is precisely limited to its own children.
Let’s give it proper recognition. A mother's love is the foundation and constant force of home life, and it truly is the source of all the love we experience. Altruism originated in childhood. The ongoing existence of a child—or multiple children; the constant presence of vulnerability and its undeniable need for care—this pushed us to expand our empathy and become more aware of others' needs; this built the groundwork for human love. In this way, the home is the starting point of one of our greatest virtues. Love began with the mother, but it shouldn't end there. "Mother-love" is specifically meant for her own children.
Few, indeed, are the mothers who love other women's children. As "mother" is a synonym for all kindness, so "stepmother" is a synonym for all unkindness. Folklore and fairy-tale indicate old fact. Infant helplessness and orphan need are not only what appeals to the mother—it is most the blood-tie, the physical relation.
Few mothers, really, love other women’s children. While "mother" is a term that represents all kindness, "stepmother" stands for all unkindness. Folklore and fairy tales reveal an old truth. A mother's compassion is drawn not just from a child's helplessness or need as an orphan, but mainly from the blood connection, the physical relationship.
Civilisation and Christianity teach us to care for "the child," motherhood stops at "my child."
Civilization and Christianity teach us to care for "the child," while motherhood is limited to "my child."
Still, in the home we do find the nursery of all the lines of family affection, parental, filial, fraternal, and these are good. Hearts able to love ten could more easily take in twenty; the love of one's own parents spread to our present care for the aged; the power of loving grew, and, as soon as it overstepped the limits of the home, it grew more rapidly. We have learned to love our neighbours—if not as ourselves, at least, better than strangers. We have learned to love our fellow-citizens, fellow-craftsmen, fellow-countrymen. To-day the first thrills of international good-will are stealing across the world—and we are extending our sympathy even to the animals.
Still, at home we discover the foundation of all types of family love—parental, sibling, and these are positive. Hearts capable of loving ten can more easily embrace twenty; the love for our parents expands into our current care for the elderly; the ability to love increased, and as soon as it went beyond the boundaries of home, it grew even faster. We've learned to love our neighbors—if not exactly as ourselves, at least more than strangers. We've learned to care for our fellow citizens, fellow workers, and fellow countrymen. Today, the first waves of international goodwill are spreading across the globe—and we're extending our compassion even to animals.
All this beautiful growth of love began at home; but the influence of the home, as it now exists upon the growth, is not so wholly gratifying. The love that we call human, the love of one another, the love Christ teaches us, is extra-domestic. We are not told, "Inasmuch as you have done it to your own families you have done it unto me." We are not exhorted to an ever-increasing intensity of devotion to our own blood-relations.
All this beautiful growth of love started at home, but the current influence of the home on that growth is not entirely positive. The love we refer to as human, the love we share with each other, the love that Christ teaches us, extends beyond the family. We are not told, "Whatever you did for your own families, you did for me." We are not encouraged to deepen our devotion to our own relatives exclusively.
Both the teaching of our religion and the tendency of social progress call for a larger love, and the home, in its position of arrested development, primitive industry, and crippled womanhood, tends rather to check that growth than to help it. The man's love for his family finds expression in his labour for other people—he serves society, and society provides for him and his dear ones; so good will spreads and knits; comradeship and fellow-feeling appear, friendship brings its pure height of affection; this is the natural line of development in the great social virtue, love.
Both our religion's teachings and the trend of social progress demand a broader love, and the home, with its stagnation, outdated work, and limited roles for women, tends to hinder that growth instead of promoting it. A man's love for his family is expressed through his work for others—he contributes to society, and society takes care of him and his loved ones; thus, goodwill spreads and connects people; camaraderie and empathy emerge, and friendship reaches its highest form of affection; this is the natural progression of love, a key social virtue.
But the woman, still expressing her love for her family in direct personal service, misses all that. The primitive father, to feed the child, went forth himself and killed some rabbit—and the primitive mother cooked it: love, in grade A. The modern father, to feed his child, takes his thousandth part in some complex industry, and receives his thousand-fold share of the complex products of others' industry, and so provides for the child far more richly than could the savage: love, in grade Z. But the modern mother—if we can call her so by courtesy—to feed her child still does nothing but cook for it, still loves in grade A; and the effect of that persistence of grade A is to retard the development of grade Z. Mother-love is the fountain of all our human affection; but mother-love, as limited by the home, does not have the range and efficacy proper to our time. The home, as at present maintained, checks the growth of love.
But the woman, still showing her love for her family through direct personal service, misses all that. The primitive father, to feed the child, went out himself and killed a rabbit—and the primitive mother cooked it: love, at its best. The modern father, to feed his child, plays a small part in some complex industry and receives a massive share of the intricate products made by others. This provides for the child much more abundantly than a primitive could: love, at its lowest. But the modern mother—if we can call her that out of courtesy—to feed her child still does nothing but cook for it, still loves at its best; and the result of that persistence is to slow down the development of the modern way. Motherly love is the source of all our human affection, but motherly love, as limited by the home, doesn't have the range and effectiveness appropriate for our time. The home, as it currently exists, stifles the growth of love.
As to Truth. This is a distinctly modern virtue. It comes in slowly, following power and freedom. The weak lie, a small beast hides; the lion does not hide. The slave lies—and the courtier; the king does not lie—he does not need to.
As for Truth. This is a distinctly modern value. It arrives gradually, following power and freedom. The weak lie, a small creature hides; the lion does not hide. The slave lies—and the servant; the king does not lie—he doesn’t have to.
The most truthful nations are the most powerful. The most truthful class is the most powerful. The more truthful sex is the more powerful. Weakness, helplessness, ignorance, dependence, these breed falsehood and evasion; and, in child, servant, and woman, the denizens of the home, we have to combat these tendencies. The standard of sincerity of the father may be taught the son; but the home is not the originator of that standard. In this, as in other virtues, gain made in quite other fields of growth is necessarily transmitted to the home; but fair analysis must discriminate between the effect of religion, of education, of new social demands, and the effect of the home as such.
The most honest nations are the most powerful. The most honest class is the most powerful. The more honest a gender is, the more powerful it becomes. Weakness, helplessness, ignorance, and dependence create falsehood and evasion; and in children, servants, and women—those who inhabit the home—we have to fight against these tendencies. The standard of honesty set by the father can be taught to the son, but the home doesn’t create that standard. Similar to other virtues, progress made in completely different areas of life must be passed down to the home; however, a fair analysis must distinguish between the influences of religion, education, new social demands, and the home itself.
Courage comes along two main lines—by exposure to danger, and by increase of strength. The home, in its very nature, is intended to shield from danger; it is in origin a hiding place, a shelter for the defenceless. Staying in it is in no way conducive to the growth of courage. Constant shelter, protection, and defence may breed gratitude—must breed cowardice. We expect timidity of "women and children"—the housemates. Yet courage is by no means a sex attribute. Every species of animal that shows courage shows it equally in male and female—or even more in mother than in father. "It is better to meet a she-bear robbed of her whelps than a fool in his folly." This dominant terror—the fool—is contrasted with the female bear—not the male. Belligerence, mere combativeness, is a masculine attribute; but courage is not.
Courage comes in two main ways—through facing danger and through building strength. The home is naturally meant to protect from danger; it was originally a refuge, a safe space for the vulnerable. Staying inside doesn’t help develop courage. Constant safety and protection might inspire appreciation—but they also foster cowardice. We often expect "women and children"—those who live at home—to be timid. Yet, courage isn’t tied to gender. Every animal species that shows bravery does so equally in both males and females—or even more so in mothers than fathers. "It’s better to encounter a she-bear whose cubs have been taken than a fool in his foolishness." This overwhelming fear—the fool—is compared to the female bear, not the male. Aggressiveness, pure combativeness, is a male trait; but courage is not.
The cowardice of women is a distinctly home product. It is born of weakness and ignorance; a weakness and an ignorance by no means essential feminine attributes, but strictly domestic attributes. Keep a man from birth wrapped in much cloth, shut away from sky and sun, wind and rain, continually exhausting his nervous energy by incessant activity in monotonous little things, and never developing his muscular strength and skill by suitable exercise of a large and varied nature, and he would be weak. Savage women are not weak. Peasant women are not weak. Fishwives are not weak. The home-bound woman is weak, as would be a home-bound man. Also, she is ignorant. Not, at least not nowadays, ignorant necessarily of books, but ignorant of general life.
The cowardice in women is a product of their environment. It comes from weakness and lack of knowledge; these traits are not essential to femininity, but are rather the result of a domestic situation. If you keep a man wrapped in layers of clothing from birth, isolated from the sky, sun, wind, and rain, constantly draining his energy with repetitive small tasks, and never giving him the chance to build his physical strength and skills through varied exercise, he would end up weak. Women in primitive societies aren’t weak. Working-class women aren’t weak. Market women aren’t weak. A woman who stays at home is weak, just like a man would be if he stayed home. Additionally, she is uninformed. Not, at least not in today’s world, uninformed in terms of books, but uninformed about life in general.
It is this ignorance and this weakness which makes women cowards; cowards frank and unashamed; cowards accustomed to be petted and praised, to be called "true woman" because they scream at that arch-terror of the home—a mouse. This home-bred cowardice, so admired in women, is of necessity transmitted to their sons as well as daughters. It is laughed out of them and knocked out of them, but it is born into them, relentlessly, with every generation. As black mothers must alter the complexion of a race, so must coward mothers alter its character. Apart from fighting—where the natural combative sex-tendency often counts as courage—our men are not as brave as they would be if their mothers were braver. We need courage to-day as much as we ever needed it in our lives. Courage to think and speak the truth; courage to face convention and prejudice, ridicule and opposition. We need courage in men and women equally, to face the problems of the times; and we do not get that courage from the home.
It’s this ignorance and weakness that makes women cowards; cowards who are open and unashamed; cowards used to being pampered and praised, called “true women” just because they freak out over the ultimate terror of the house—a mouse. This homegrown cowardice, so admired in women, inevitably gets passed down to their sons as well as their daughters. It's laughed off and beaten out of them, but it’s ingrained in them, relentlessly, with every generation. Just as Black mothers must change the complexion of a race, cowardly mothers must change its character. Aside from fighting—where the natural combative instinct often appears as bravery—our men aren’t as courageous as they could be if their mothers were braver. We need courage today just as much as we ever have. Courage to think and speak the truth; courage to confront convention and prejudice, ridicule, and opposition. We need courage in both men and women to tackle today’s challenges; and we aren’t getting that courage from home.
The sense of Justice is one of the highest human attributes; one of the latest in appearance, one of the rarest and most precious. We love and honour justice; we seek in some main lines of life to enforce it, after a fashion; but many of our arrangements are still so palpably unjust that one would think the virtue was but dreamed of, as yet unborn. Justice follows equality and freedom. To apprehend it at all the mind must first perceive the equal, and then resent the unequal. We must get a sense of level, of balance, and then we notice a deflection. As a matter of social evolution our system of legal justice springs from the primitive market place, the disputes of equals, the calling in of a third party to adjudicate. The disputants know instinctively that an outsider can see the difficulty better than an insider. Slowly the arbiter was given more power, more scope; out of much experience came the crystallisation of law. "Justice!" was the cry of the lowest before the highest; and the greatest kings were honoured most for this great virtue.
The sense of justice is one of the highest human qualities; it’s one of the last to develop, and one of the rarest and most valuable. We love and value justice; we try to promote it in some key areas of life, but many of our systems are still so obviously unfair that it might seem like justice is just a dream, still not fully realized. Justice is linked to equality and freedom. To understand it, we must first recognize equality, and then feel upset by inequality. We need to establish a sense of balance, and only then do we notice when things are off. In terms of social evolution, our legal justice system originates from the basic marketplace, where equals would argue and involve a third party to help resolve disputes. The parties involved instinctively know that an outsider can better understand the issue than someone directly involved. Over time, the arbitrator was given more authority and responsibilities; from extensive experience, laws began to take shape. "Justice!" was the call of the lowest before the highest; and the greatest kings were respected the most for this important virtue.
The field for justice has widened as the state widened; it has reached out to all classes; its high exercise distinguishes the foremost nations of our times. Yet even in the teeth of the law-courts injustice is still common; in everyday life it is most patent.
The scope of justice has expanded alongside the growth of the state; it now includes all social classes. Its proper implementation sets apart the leading nations of our time. However, despite the presence of the legal system, injustice remains widespread; in daily life, it is extremely obvious.
We have made great progress in the sense of justice and fair play; yet we are still greatly lacking in it. What is the contribution of domestic ethics to this mighty virtue? In the home is neither freedom nor equality. There is ownership throughout; the dominant father, the more or less subservient mother, the utterly dependent child; and sometimes that still lower grade—the servant. Love is possible, love deep and reciprocal; loyalty is possible; gratitude is possible; kindness, to ruinous favouritism, is possible; unkindness, to all conspiracy, hate, and rebellion is possible; justice is not possible.
We’ve made significant strides in justice and fairness, but we still have a long way to go. What role does household ethics play in this important value? In the home, there’s neither freedom nor equality. Ownership is everywhere; the father holds power, the mother is often subservient, and the child is completely dependent; and sometimes there’s the servant, who occupies an even lower position. Love can exist, deep and mutual; loyalty is achievable; gratitude is feasible; kindness, though it can lead to favoritism, is possible; unkindness, along with conspiracy, hate, and rebellion, is also possible; but justice cannot exist.
Justice was born outside the home and a long way from it; and it has never even been adopted there.
Justice was born far away from home, and it has never really been welcomed there.
Justice is wholly social in its nature—extra-domestic—even anti-domestic. Just men may seek to do justly in their homes, but it is hard work. Intense, personal feeling, close ties of blood, are inimical to the exercise of justice. Do we expect the judge upon the bench to do justice, dispassionate, unswerving, on his own child—his own wife—in the dock? If he does, we hail him as more than mortal. Do we expect a common man—not a judge with all the training and experience of his place, but a plain man—to do justice to his own wife and his own child in the constant intimacy of the home? Do we expect the mother to do justice to the child when the child is the offender and the mother the offended? Where plaintiff, judge, and executioner are lodged in one person; where there is no third party—no spectators even—only absolute irresponsible power, why should we—how could we—expect justice! We don't. We do not even think of it. No child cries for "Justice!" to the deaf walls of the home—he never heard of it.
Justice is completely social in nature—outside the home—even against the home. Fair individuals might try to act justly within their households, but it’s difficult. Strong emotions and close family ties hinder the practice of justice. Do we expect the judge in court to remain impartial and fair when his own child—or his own wife—is on trial? If he does, we consider him extraordinary. Do we expect an everyday person—not a trained judge, but a regular individual—to treat their own spouse and child fairly amidst the constant closeness of home life? Do we expect a mother to be just toward her child when that child has done something wrong and she is the one hurt? When the roles of accuser, judge, and enforcer are all taken on by one person; when there’s no outside party—no witnesses at all—just complete unchecked power, why should we expect justice? We don’t. It doesn't even cross our minds. No child ever cries for "Justice!" to the silent walls of home—they’ve never heard of it.
He gets love—endless love and indulgence. He gets anger and punishment with no court of appeal. He gets care—neglect—discourtesy—affection— indifference—cruelty—and sometimes wise and lovely training—but none of these are justice. The home, as such, in no way promotes justice; but, in its disproportionate and unbalanced position to-day, palpably perverts and prevents it.
He receives love—unconditional love and pampering. He experiences anger and punishment with no chance to appeal. He gets care—neglect—disrespect—affection—indifference—cruelty—and occasionally fair and thoughtful guidance—but none of these represent justice. The home, in its current state, does nothing to support justice; instead, its unequal and unfair nature clearly distorts and hinders it.
Allied to justice, following upon large equality and recognition of others, comes that true estimate of one's self and one's own powers which is an unnamed virtue. "Humility" is not it—to undervalue and depreciate one's self may be the opposite of pride, but it is not a virtue. A just estimate is not humility. But call it humility for convenience' sake; and see how ill it flourishes at home. In that circumscribed horizon small things look large. There is no general measuring point, no healthy standard of comparison.
Connected to justice, alongside true equality and acknowledgment of others, is the genuine understanding of oneself and one's abilities, which is a quality without a specific name. "Humility" isn't quite right—diminishing one's value may oppose pride, but it isn't a virtue. A fair assessment isn't humility. But let's call it humility for the sake of convenience; notice how poorly it develops in a confined space. In that limited view, minor things appear significant. There isn't a common reference point, nor a healthy standard for comparison.
The passionate love of the wife, the mother, and equally of the husband, the father, makes all geese swans. The parents idealise their children; and the children, even more restricted by the home atmosphere—for they know no other—idealise the parents. This is sometimes to their advantage—often the other way. Constant study of near objects, with no distant horizon to rest and change the focus, makes us short-sighted; and, as we all know, the smallest object is large if you hold it near enough. Constant association with one's nearest and dearest necessarily tends to a disproportionate estimate of their values.
The passionate love of the wife, the mother, and just as much of the husband, the father, turns all geese into swans. Parents idealize their children, and the children, even more limited by the home environment—since they know no other—idealize their parents. This can sometimes work in their favor, but often the opposite is true. Constantly focusing on what’s right in front of us, without a broader perspective to shift our attention, makes us shortsighted. And as we all know, the smallest object seems huge if you hold it close enough. Regular interaction with our closest loved ones naturally leads to an exaggerated perception of their worth.
There is no perspective—cannot be—in these close quarters. The infant prodigy of talent, praised and petted, brings his production into the cold light of the market, under the myriad facets of the public eye, to the measurement of professional standards—and no most swift return to the home atmosphere can counterbalance the effect of that judgment day. A just estimate of one's self and one's work can only be attained by the widest and most impersonal comparison. The home estimate is essentially personal, essentially narrow. It sometimes errs in underrating a world-talent; but nine times out of ten it errs the other way—overrating a home-talent. Humility, in the sense of an honest and accurate estimate of one's self, is not a home-made product. A morbid modesty or an unfounded pride often is. The intense self-consciousness, the prominent and sensitive personality developed by home life, we are all familiar with in women.
There’s no real perspective—there can’t be—in these tight spaces. The gifted child, celebrated and adored, showcases their talent in the harsh light of the marketplace, under the countless angles of public scrutiny, measured against professional standards—and no quick return to the familiar home environment can offset the impact of that moment of truth. A fair assessment of oneself and one’s work can only be achieved through the broadest and most objective comparison. The home evaluation is inherently personal and limited. It sometimes underestimates significant talent but, most of the time, it overestimates local talent. True humility, in the sense of a genuine and accurate self-assessment, isn’t something we create at home. However, a twisted modesty or unfounded pride often is. We’re all familiar with the heightened self-awareness and strong, sensitive personalities that can emerge from home life, especially in women.
The woman who has always been in close personal relation with someone,—daughter, sister, wife, mother,—and so loved, valued, held close, feels herself neglected and chilly when she comes into business relations. She feels personal neglect in the broad indifference of office or shop; and instantly seeks to establish personal relations with all about her. As a business woman she outgrows it in time. It is not a sex-quality, it is a home-quality; found in a boy brought up entirely at home as well as in a girl. It tends to a disproportionate estimate of self; it is a primitive quality, common to children and savages; it is not conducive to justice and true social adjustment.
The woman who has always had close personal relationships with someone—daughter, sister, wife, mother—and has been loved, valued, and cherished, feels neglected and cold when she enters the business world. She experiences a sense of personal neglect in the general indifference of the office or shop and immediately tries to create personal connections with those around her. Over time, she matures in her role as a businesswoman. This is not a quality specific to her gender; it is a quality associated with home, found in boys raised entirely at home just as much as in girls. It often leads to an inflated sense of self; it is a basic quality, common to children and primitive peoples; it does not support fairness or true social balance.
Closely allied to this branch of character is the power of self-control. As an initial human virtue none lies deeper than this; and here the home has credit for much help in developing some of the earlier stages of this great faculty. Primitive man brought to his dawning human relation a long-descended, highly-developed Ego. He had been an individual animal "always and always," he had now to begin to be a social animal, a collective animal, to develop the social instincts and the social conduct in which lay further progress.
Closely linked to this aspect of character is the ability to control oneself. As a fundamental human virtue, none is more profound than this; and the home deserves a lot of credit for helping to develop the early stages of this important skill. Early humans had a deeply ingrained sense of self that had evolved over generations. They were individual beings "always and always," but now they needed to start becoming social beings, to foster social instincts and behaviors that would lead to further growth.
The training of the child shows us in little what history shows us in the large. What the well-bred child has to learn to make him a pleasing member of the family is self-control. To restrain and adjust one's self to one's society—that is the line of courtesy—the line of Christianity—the line of social evolution. The home life does indeed teach the beginning of self-control; but no more. As compared with the world, it represents unbridled license. "In company" one must wear so and so, talk so and so, do so and so, look so and so. To "feel at home" means relaxation of all this.
The training of a child reflects what history teaches us on a larger scale. To become a valued member of the family, a well-bred child must learn self-control. Holding oneself back and adapting to society—that's the essence of good manners, the essence of Christianity, the essence of social progress. Home life does indeed teach the basics of self-control, but not much more. In comparison to the world, it represents unrestricted freedom. "In public," one must dress a certain way, speak a certain way, act a certain way, and look a certain way. To "feel at home" means to let go of all that.
This is as it should be. The home is the place for personal relief and rest from the higher plane of social contact. But social contact is needed to develop social qualities, constant staying at home does not do it.
This is how it should be. Home is the place for personal comfort and a break from the demands of social interaction. However, social interaction is necessary to develop social skills; just staying at home doesn’t accomplish that.
The man, accustomed to meet all sorts of people in many ways, has a far larger and easier adjustment. The woman, used only to the close contact of a few people in a few relations, as child, parent, servant, tradesman; or to the set code of "company manners," has no such healthy human plane of contact.
The man, used to meeting all kinds of people in various situations, has a much broader and easier way of adapting. The woman, familiar only with the close interactions of a few people in specific roles, like child, parent, servant, or tradesman, or with the established rules of "company manners," doesn't have that same healthy level of human connection.
"I never was so treated in my life!" she complains—and she never was—at home. This limits the range of life, cuts off the widest channels of growth, overdevelops the few deep ones; and does not develop self-control. The dressing-gown-and-slippers home attitude is temporarily changed for that of "shopping," or "visiting," but the childish sensitiveness, the disproportionate personality, remain dominant.
"I've never been treated like this in my life!" she complains—and she never has—at home. This restricts the opportunities in life, blocks off the broadest paths for growth, overly cultivates the few deep ones; and doesn't foster self-control. The cozy home vibe in pajamas and slippers is momentarily swapped for "shopping" or "visiting," but the childish sensitivity and disproportionate personality still dominate.
A too continuous home atmosphere checks in the woman the valuable social faculties. It checks it in the man more insidiously, through his position of easy mastery over these dependents, wife, children, servants; and through the constant catering of the whole ménage to his special tastes. If each man had a private tailor shop in his back yard he would be far more whimsical and exacting in his personal taste in clothes. Every natural tendency to self-indulgence is steadily increased by the life service of an entire wife. This having one whole woman devoted to one's direct personal service is about as far from the cultivation of self-control as any process that could be devised.
A constant home environment stifles a woman's valuable social skills. For men, it undermines these abilities more subtly, as they easily dominate their dependents—wife, children, servants—and the household constantly caters to their specific tastes. If every man had a tailor shop in his backyard, he would be much more particular and demanding about his clothing. Every natural inclination toward indulgence is consistently heightened by having an entire wife dedicated to his personal service. Having a whole woman devoted to one's needs is as far from developing self-control as one could get.
The man loves the woman and serves her—but he serves her through his service of the world—and she serves him direct. He can fuss and dictate as to details, he can develop all manner of notions as to bacon, or toast, or griddle cakes; the whole cuisine is his, he supports it, it is meant to please him, and under its encompassing temptation he increases in girth and weight; but not in self-control. He may be a wise, temperate, judicious man, but the home, with its disproportionate attention to personal desires, does not make him so.
The man loves the woman and serves her—but he does this through his service to the world—while she serves him directly. He can nitpick and make demands about the details, coming up with all sorts of ideas about bacon, toast, or pancakes; the entire kitchen is his domain, he funds it, it's meant to satisfy him, and with its tempting offerings, he gains weight; but not self-control. He might be a wise, measured, sensible guy, but the home, with its overwhelming focus on personal wants, doesn't help him be that way.
No clearer instance could be given of the effect of domestic ethics. In this one field may be shown the beneficent effects of the early home upon early man, the continued beneficent effects of what is essential in the home upon modern man; and the most evil effects of the domestic rudiments upon modern man. The differing ages and sexes held together by love, yet respecting one another's privacy, demand of one another precisely this power of self-control. Children together, with no adults, become boisterous and unruly; adults together, with no children, become out of sympathy with childhood; the sexes, separated, tend to injurious excesses; but the true home life checks excess, develops what is lacking, harmonises all.
No clearer example could illustrate the impact of family values. In this area, we can see the positive influence of the early home on young people, the ongoing positive effects of what is vital in the home on modern individuals, and the most detrimental effects of the basic family structures on today’s society. Different ages and genders, bound by love but respecting each other’s privacy, require this very ability for self-control from one another. When children are together without adults, they can get rowdy and uncontrollable; when adults are together without children, they lose touch with the spirit of childhood; and when the genders are separated, they often engage in harmful behaviors. However, a true family life prevents excess, nurtures what is missing, and brings everyone into harmony.
What does the morbid, disproportioned, overgrown home life do? It tends to develop a domineering selfishness in man and a degrading abnegation in woman—or sometimes reverses this effect. The smooth, unconscious, all-absorbing greed which the unnaturally developed home of to-day produces in some women, is as evil a thing as life shows. Here is a human creature who has all her life been loved and cared for, sheltered, protected, defended; everything provided for her and nothing demanded of her except the exercise of her natural feminine functions, and some proficiency in the playground regulations of "society."
What does an unhealthy, exaggerated, and overly protective home life lead to? It often breeds a controlling selfishness in men and a degrading self-denial in women—or sometimes flips this effect. The smooth, unconscious, all-consuming greed that today's unhealthily developed home can create in some women is as harmful as anything life has to offer. Here is a person who has been loved and cared for her entire life, sheltered, protected, and supported; everything has been provided for her while she’s been asked to only fulfill her natural feminine roles and some understanding of the social rules of "society."
The degree of sublimated selfishness thus produced by home life is quite beyond the selfishness we so deplore in men. A man may be—often is—deplorably selfish in his home life; but he does not expect all the world to treat him with the same indulgence. He has to give as well as take in the broad, healthy, growing life of the world.
The level of self-centeredness that comes from home life is way beyond the selfishness we often criticize in men. A man can be—often is—shamefully selfish at home; however, he doesn't expect everyone else to treat him with the same leniency. He has to contribute as much as he receives in the broad, vibrant, and evolving life of the world.
The woman has her home-life to make her selfish, and has no world life to offset it. Men are polite to her on account of her sex—not on account of any power, any achievement, any distinctive human value, but simply because she is a woman. Her guests are necessarily polite to her. Her hosts are necessarily polite to her, and so are her fellow-guests. Her servants are necessarily polite to her. Her children also; if they are not she feels herself abused, denied a right.
The woman has her home life that makes her self-centered, and she has no outside world to balance it. Men are nice to her just because she’s a woman—not because of any power, achievements, or unique value, but simply due to her gender. Her guests have to be polite to her. Her hosts have to be polite to her, and so do her fellow guests. Her servants also have to treat her with respect. Her children too; if they aren’t, she feels mistreated, as if her rights are being ignored.
The home and its social tributaries steadily work to develop a limitless personal selfishness in which the healthy power of self-control is all unknown. One way or the other swings the pendulum; here the woman pours out her life in devotion to her husband and children; in which case she is developing selfishness in them with as much speed and efficacy as if she were their worst enemy; and here again the woman sits, plump and fair, in her padded cage, bedizening its walls with every decoration; covering her own body with costly and beautiful things; feeding herself, her family, her guests; running from meal to meal as if eating were really the main business of a human being. This is the extreme.
The home and its social influences continuously foster a boundless personal selfishness where the true value of self-control is completely ignored. The pendulum swings in different directions; here, the woman dedicates her life to her husband and children, thereby cultivating selfishness in them just as effectively as if she were their worst enemy. On the other hand, there’s the woman who sits comfortably in her cushioned space, decorating the walls with lavish items, adorning her body with expensive and beautiful things, and constantly feeding herself, her family, and her guests, rushing from one meal to the next as if eating were the primary purpose of life. This represents the extreme.
Our primitive scheme requires that the entire time of the woman-who-does-her-own-work shall be spent in ministering to the physical needs of her family; and in the small minority who have other women to do it for them, that she shall still have this ministry her main care—and shall have no others. It is this inordinate demand for the life and time of a whole woman to keep half a dozen people fed, cleaned, and waited on, which keeps up in us a degree of self-indulgence we should, by every step of social development, have long since outgrown.
Our outdated system requires that a woman who does her own work spends all her time taking care of her family's physical needs. Even for the few who have other women to help, it still demands that this care be her main focus—leaving no room for anything else. This excessive expectation for a woman's life and time to serve half a dozen people keeps us stuck in a level of selfishness that we should have outgrown by now with every step of social progress.
The personal preparation of food by a loving wife and mother does not ensure right nourishment—that we have shown at length; but it does ensure that every human soul thus provided for shall give far too much thought to what it eats and drinks and wherewithal it shall be clothed. The yielding up of a woman's life to the service of these physical needs of mankind does not develop self-control, nor its noble line of ensuing virtues—temperance, chastity, courtesy, patience, endurance.
The personal preparation of food by a loving wife and mother doesn’t guarantee proper nourishment—we’ve discussed this at length—but it does mean that every person being cared for will think way too much about what they eat and drink and what they will wear. Giving a woman’s life to meet these physical needs of others doesn’t cultivate self-control or the wonderful virtues that come from it—like moderation, purity, kindness, patience, and resilience.
See the child growing up under this disproportionate attention; fussy, critical, capricious, always thinking of what he wants and how he wants it. The more his mother waits on him, the more she has to do so; he knows no better than to help himself to the offered life. See the husband, criticising the coffee and the steak; or so enjoying and praising them that the happy wife eagerly spends more hours in preparing more dishes that John will like. It is a pleasant, roseate atmosphere. All are happy in it. Why is it not good? Because it is a hotbed of self-indulgence. Because it constantly maintains a degree of personal devotion to one's appetites which would disappear under a system of living suited to our age.
See the child growing up with all this excessive attention; fussy, critical, temperamental, always focused on what he wants and how he wants it. The more his mother caters to him, the more she has to keep doing it; he knows no better than to take advantage of the life that's offered to him. See the husband, critiquing the coffee and the steak; or enjoying and praising them so much that his happy wife eagerly spends more time preparing more meals that John will like. It's a pleasant, rosy atmosphere. Everyone in it is happy. So, what's the problem? Because it's a breeding ground for self-indulgence. Because it constantly encourages a level of personal devotion to one's desires that would fade away under a lifestyle more suited to our times.
Self-control is developed by true home life; by true family love. Family, love, unmodified by social relation, gives also the family feud; the unconscionably narrow pride of the clansman; the home life of the first century, arbitrarily maintained in the twentieth, gives us its constant contribution of first-century ethics.
Self-control is shaped by genuine home life and authentic family love. Family love, unaffected by social relations, also fosters family rivalry and the unreasonable pride of the clansman. The home life of the first century, artificially preserved in the twentieth, consistently delivers its share of first-century ethics.
As to honour—that delicate, deep-rooted, instinctive ethical sense; applied so rigidly to this, so little to that; showing so variously; "business honour," "military honour," "professional honour," "the honour of a gentleman"—what is the standard of honour in the home?
As for honor—that sensitive, deeply ingrained, instinctive moral compass; applied so strictly here, so loosely there; presenting in so many forms; "business honor," "military honor," "professional honor," "the honor of a gentleman"—what is the standard of honor in the home?
The only "honour" asked of the woman is chastity; quite a special sex-distinction, not as yet demanded in any great degree of the man.
The only "honor" expected of a woman is purity; a unique expectation based on gender, not yet significantly required of men.
If the home develops chastity, it seems to discriminate sharply in its preferred exponent. But apart from that virtue, what sense of honour do we find in the home-bound woman? Is it to keep her word inflexibly? A woman's privilege is to change her mind. Is it to spare the weaker? Would that some dream of this high grace could stand between the angry woman and the defenceless child. Is it to respect privacy, to scorn eavesdropping, to regard the letter of another person as inviolate?
If a home fosters chastity, it seems to have a clear favorite in who represents it. But besides that quality, what kind of honor do we see in the woman who stays at home? Is it about sticking to her word no matter what? A woman's right is to change her mind. Is it about protecting those who are weaker? If only some vision of this noble quality could come between an angry woman and a vulnerable child. Is it about respecting privacy, rejecting eavesdropping, and treating someone else's private matters as sacred?
The standard of honour in the home is not that of "an officer and a gentleman." The things a decent and well-educated woman will sometimes do to her own children, do cheerfully and unblushingly, are flatly dishonourable; but she does not even know it. And the things she does outside the home, with only her home-bred sense of honour to guide her, are equally significant. To slip in front of others who are standing in line; to make engagements and break them; to even engage rooms and board, and then change her plans without letting the other party know; thus entailing absolute money loss to a perfectly innocent person, without a qualm; this is frequently done by women with a high standard of chastity; but no other sense of honour whatever.
The standard of honor at home isn’t like that of “an officer and a gentleman.” The things a decent, well-educated woman might do to her own children, things she does willingly and without shame, are outright dishonorable; yet she doesn’t even realize it. The things she does outside the home, guided only by her homegrown sense of honor, are just as telling. Cutting in line in front of others; making plans and then breaking them; booking rooms and meals and then changing her plans without notifying anyone else, resulting in a total financial loss for an innocent person, without a second thought; these are often done by women who hold a strong sense of chastity but have no other sense of honor at all.
The home is the cradle of all the virtues, but we are in a stage of social development where we need virtues beyond the cradle size. The virtues begun at home need to come out and grow in the world as men need to do—and as woman need to do, but do not know it. The ethics of the home are good in degree. The ethics of human life are far larger and more complex.
The home is the foundation of all virtues, but we’re at a point in social development where we need virtues that go beyond what we learn at home. The virtues that start there need to expand and thrive in the world, just like men need to do—and like women need to do, even if they don’t realize it. The ethics of home life are important, but the ethics of human existence are much bigger and more complicated.
Our moral growth is to-day limited most seriously by the persistent maintenance in half the world of a primitive standard of domestic ethics.
Our moral development today is seriously restricted by the ongoing existence of a basic standard of home ethics in half the world.
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Home Entertainment
Long is the way from the primal home, with its simple child-motif, to the large and expensive house of entertainment we call home to-day. The innocent "guest-chamber" early added to the family accommodations has spread its area and widened its demands, till we find the ultra-type of millionaire mansion devoting its whole space, practically, to the occupation of guests—for even the private rooms are keyed up to a comparison with those frankly built and furnished for strangers. The kitchen, the dining-room, the pantry, the table-furniture of all sorts, are arranged in style and amplitude to meet the needs of guests. The sitting-room becomes a "parlour," the parlour a "drawing-room" with "reception-room" addition; and then comes the still more removed "ballroom"—a remarkable apartment truly, to form part of a home. Some even go so far as to add a theatre—that most essentially public of chambers—in this culminating transformation of a home to a house of entertainment.
The journey from the simple, original home to the large, extravagant house of entertainment we call home today is long. The innocent "guest room," which was added early on, has expanded and increased its demands, leading us to the ultra-luxurious millionaire mansion that devotes almost all its space to guests—because even the private rooms are designed to compare with those that are openly built and furnished for strangers. The kitchen, dining room, pantry, and various types of tableware are all arranged in style and size to cater to guests' needs. The sitting room becomes a "parlor," the parlor a "drawing room" with an additional "reception room," and then there’s the even more extravagant "ballroom"—a truly remarkable space to be part of a home. Some even take it a step further by adding a theater—this most essentially public room—in this ultimate transformation of a home into a house of entertainment.
From what once normal base sprang this abnormal growth? How did this place of love and intimacy, the outward form of our most tender and private relations, so change and swell to a place of artificial politeness and most superficial contact? The point of departure is not hard to find; it lies in that still visible period when hospitality was one of our chief virtues.
From what once was a normal foundation did this strange growth emerge? How did this place of love and closeness, the outward expression of our most tender and private connections, transform and expand into a space of artificial politeness and extremely superficial interaction? The starting point is not difficult to identify; it can be traced back to that still noticeable time when hospitality was one of our main virtues.
Of all the evolving series of human virtues none is more easily studied in its visible relation to condition and its rapid alterations than hospitality. Moreover, though considered a virtue, it is not so intermingled with our deepest religious sanction as to be painful to discuss; we respect, but do not worship it.
Of all the changing sets of human virtues, none is more straightforward to examine in relation to circumstances and its quick changes than hospitality. Additionally, while it's seen as a virtue, it isn't so tied to our deepest religious beliefs that it becomes uncomfortable to talk about; we respect it, but we don't idolize it.
Hospitality is a quality of human life, a virtue which appears after a certain capacity for altruism is developed; not a very high degree, for we find a rigid code of hospitality among many savage tribes; and which obtains in exact proportion to the distance, difficulty, and danger of travelling.
Hospitality is a trait of human life, a virtue that emerges once a certain level of selflessness is reached; it doesn’t need to be extreme, as we see strict codes of hospitality in many tribal societies; and it exists in direct relation to the distance, difficulty, and risk involved in traveling.
We still find its best type among the Bedouin Arabs and the Scotch Highlanders; we find it in our own land more in the country than the city, more in the thinly settled and poorly roaded south than in the more thickly settled and better roaded north; and most of all on the western frontier, where mountain and desert lie between ranch and ranch.
We still see its best example among the Bedouin Arabs and the Scottish Highlanders; we find it more in rural areas than in cities, more in the sparsely populated and less developed southern regions than in the more densely populated and better developed northern areas; and especially on the western frontier, where mountains and deserts separate ranches.
To call out the most lively sense of hospitality the traveller must be weary (that means a long, hard road), and "distressed"—open to injury, if not hospitably received. To have a fresh, clean, rosy traveller drop in after half an hour's pleasant stroll does not touch the springs of hospitality. The genuine figure to call out this virtue is the stranger, the wanderer, the pilgrim.
To evoke the true spirit of hospitality, a traveler must be weary (which means they’ve had a long, tough journey) and "distressed"—vulnerable to harm if they aren’t welcomed warmly. A fresh, clean, cheerful traveler stopping by after a pleasant half-hour walk doesn’t stir feelings of hospitality. The real person who invokes this virtue is the stranger, the wanderer, the pilgrim.
Hospitality will not stand constant use. The steady visitor must be a friend; and friendship is quite a different thing from hospitality. That finds its typical instance in the old Scotch chief sheltering the hunted fugitive; and defending him against his pursuers even when told that his guest was the murderer of his son. As guest he was held sacred; he had claimed the rights of hospitality and he received them. Had he returned to make the same demand every few days, even without renewing his initial offence, it is doubtful if hospitality would have held out.
Hospitality can't handle constant use. A regular visitor has to be a friend; friendship is really different from hospitality. A classic example of this is the old Scottish chief who sheltered a fugitive being hunted; he defended him from his pursuers even after learning that his guest had killed his son. As a guest, he was considered sacred; he had claimed the rights of hospitality, and he was given them. If he had come back to make the same request every few days, even without repeating his original offense, it’s questionable whether hospitality would have endured.
A somewhat thin, infrequent virtue is hospitality at its heights, requiring intervals of relaxation. "Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house, lest he weary of thee and hate thee," says the proverb of the very people where the laws of hospitality were sacred; and "the stranger within thy gates" came under the regular provision of household law.
A somewhat rare and delicate quality is hospitality at its best, needing breaks to recharge. "Stay away from your neighbor's house, or they might get tired of you and come to dislike you," says the saying from the very people who held hospitality in high regard; and "the stranger in your home" was always provided for according to household rules.
Hospitality became a sort of standing custom under feudalism, as part of the parental care of the Lord of the Land; and thus acquired its elements of pride and ostentation. Each nobleman owned all the land about him; the traveller had to claim shelter of him either directly or through his dependents, and the castle was the only place big enough for entertainment. The nobleman saw to it that no other person on his domain should be able to offer much hospitality. So the Castle or the Abbey had it all.
Hospitality became a kind of established tradition during feudal times, as part of the lord’s responsibility for his people; it gained elements of pride and showiness. Each nobleman owned all the land around him, and travelers had to ask for shelter from him either directly or through his servants, with the castle being the only place large enough for gatherings. The nobleman ensured that nobody else on his land could provide much hospitality. So, the Castle or the Abbey had everything.
A little of this spirit gave character to the partly danger-based southern hospitality. It was necessary to the occasional stranger on the original and legitimate grounds; it became a steady custom to the modern Lord of the Manor, none of whose subsidiary fellow-citizens had the wherewithal to feed and shelter guests. But hospitality, even in that form, is not what issues cards and lays red carpet under awnings from door to curb.
A bit of this attitude shaped the somewhat risky southern hospitality. It was essential for the occasional visitor on the original and rightful basis; it became a regular practice for the modern Lord of the Manor, none of whose neighboring citizens had the means to host and accommodate guests. But hospitality, even like that, is not what hands out invitations and rolls out red carpets under awnings from the door to the curb.
Here no free-handed cordial greeting keeps the visitor to dinner—the dinner where the plates are named and numbered and the caterer ready with due complement of each expensive dish. Hospitality must blush and apologise—"I'm sorry, but you must excuse me, I have to dress for dinner!" and "Why, of course! I forgot it was so late!—dear me! the Jenkinses will have come before me if I don't hurry home!" On what ground, then, is that dinner given—why are the Jenkinses asked that night? If not the once sacred spirit of hospitality, is it the still sacred spirit of friendship?
Here, no warm and friendly greeting welcomes the guest for dinner—the dinner where the dishes are labeled and numbered, and the caterer is ready with each pricey meal. Hospitality is forced to apologize—“I’m sorry, but you have to excuse me, I need to get dressed for dinner!” and “Oh, of course! I forgot it was so late!—goodness! The Jenkinses will arrive before I get home!” So on what basis is that dinner held—why are the Jenkinses invited that night? If it's not the once sacred spirit of hospitality, is it the still sacred spirit of friendship?
Are the people we so expensively and elaborately entertain—and who so carefully retaliate, card for card, plat for plat and dollar for dollar—are these the people whom we love? Among our many guests is an occasional friend. The occasional friend we entreat to come and see us when we are not entertaining!
Are the people we spend so much time and money to entertain—and who respond in kind, matching us card for card, meal for meal, and dollar for dollar—are these the people we truly love? Among our numerous guests is sometimes a genuine friend. The genuine friend we invite to come see us when we’re not hosting!
Friendships are the fruit of true personal expression, the drawing together that follows recognition, the manifest kinships of the outspoken soul. In friendship we discriminate, we particularise, we enjoy the touch and interchange of like characteristics, the gentle stimulus of a degree of unlikeness. Friendship comes naturally, spontaneously, along lines of true expression in work, of a casual propinquity that gives rein to the unforced thought. More friendships are formed in the prolonged association of school-life or business life, in the intimacy of a journey together or a summer's camping, than ever grew in a lonely lifetime of crowded receptions. Friendship may coexist with entertainment, may even thrive in spite of it, but is neither cause nor result of that strange process.
Friendships are the result of genuine self-expression, the connections that emerge from understanding, the clear bonds of an open heart. In friendship, we make distinctions, we focus on what makes us unique, and we appreciate the connection and exchange of similar traits, along with the subtle spark of differences. Friendship develops naturally, spontaneously, through authentic expression in our work, and through the casual closeness that allows for unforced ideas. More friendships are built during extended periods of school or work, in the closeness of traveling together or spending a summer camping, than ever formed in a lonely life filled with crowded gatherings. Friendship can exist alongside entertainment, and may even thrive despite it, but it is neither the cause nor the result of that peculiar phenomenon.
What, then, is "entertainment," to which the home is sacrificed so utterly—which is no part of fatherhood, motherhood, or childhood, of hospitality or friendship?
What, then, is "entertainment," for which the home is given up so completely—which has nothing to do with being a father, a mother, or a child, or with hospitality or friendship?
On what line of social evolution may we trace the growth of this amazing phenomenon; this constant gathering together of many people to eat when they are not hungry, dance when they are not merry, talk when they have nothing to say, and sit about so bored by their absurd position that the hostess must needs hire all manner of paid performers wherewith to "entertain" them?
On what stage of social evolution can we see the rise of this incredible phenomenon: the constant coming together of people to eat when they’re not hungry, dance when they’re not happy, talk when they have nothing to say, and sit around so bored by their ridiculous situation that the host has to hire all kinds of paid entertainers to "entertain" them?
Here is the explanation: humanity is a relation. It is not merely a number of human beings, like a number of grains of sand. The human being, to be really human, must be associated in various forms; grouped together in the interchange of function. The family relation, as we have seen, does not in itself constitute humanity; human relations are larger.
Here’s the explanation: humanity is a relationship. It’s not just a bunch of people, like a pile of sand. To truly be human, a person must be connected in different ways, working together and interacting. As we’ve seen, family ties alone don’t make up humanity; human relationships are broader.
Man, as a separate being, the personal man, must have his private house to be separate in. Man, as a collective being, the social man, must have his public house to be together in. This does not mean a drinking place, but any form of building which shelters our common social functions. A church is a public house—in it we meet together as human beings; as individuals, not as families; to perform the common social function of worship. All religions have this collective nature—people come together as human beings, under a common impulse.
Man, as an individual, needs his own space to feel separate. Man, as part of a group, needs a communal space to come together. This doesn’t mean a bar, but any type of place that supports our shared social activities. A church is a communal space—it's where we gather as individuals, not just as families, to engage in the collective act of worship. All religions have this communal aspect—people come together as human beings, driven by a shared purpose.
The home is a private house. That belongs to us separately for the fulfilment of purely personal functions. Every other form of building on earth is a public house, a house for people to come together in for the fulfilment of social functions. Church, school, palace, mill, shop, post office, railway station, museum, art gallery, library, every kind of house except the home is a public house. These public houses are as essential to our social life and development as the private house is to our physical existence.
The home is a private house that belongs to us individually for the purpose of fulfilling personal needs. Every other type of building on earth is a public space, a place for people to gather and meet social needs. Churches, schools, palaces, mills, shops, post offices, train stations, museums, art galleries, libraries—every kind of building except for a home is a public space. These public spaces are just as crucial to our social life and development as private homes are to our physical existence.
Inside the home are love, marriage, birth, and death; outside the home are agriculture, manufacture, trade, commerce, transportation, art, science, and religion. Every human—i.e., social—process goes on outside the home, and has to have its appropriate building. In these varied forms of social activity, humanity finds its true expression; the contact and interchange, the stimulus and relief, without which the human soul cannot live.
Inside the home are love, marriage, birth, and death; outside the home are farming, manufacturing, trade, business, transport, art, science, and religion. Every human—i.e., social—process happens outside the home and requires its own appropriate space. In these different types of social activity, humanity finds its true expression; the interaction and exchange, the support and relief, without which the human soul cannot thrive.
Humanity must associate, that is the primal law of our being. This association, so far in history, has been almost entirely confined to men. They have associated in war, in work, in play. Men have always been found in groups, on land and sea, doing things together; developing comradeship, loyalty, justice; enjoying the full swing of human faculties. But women, with the one partial exception of the privileges of the church, have been denied this most vital necessity of human life—association. Every woman was confined separately, in her private house, to her most separate and private duties and pleasures; and the duties and pleasures of social progress she was utterly denied. The church alone gave her a partial outlet; gave her a common roof for a common function, a place to come together in; and to the church she has flocked continually, as her only ground of human association.
Humanity must connect; that's the basic rule of our existence. Until now, this connection has mostly been limited to men. They've gathered for war, work, and play. Men have always been seen grouping together, both on land and at sea, collaborating; building camaraderie, loyalty, and justice; fully engaging their human capabilities. But women, with the exception of some privileges in the church, have been stripped of this essential part of human life—connection. Every woman was isolated in her home, focused on her own individual duties and pleasures; she was completely denied the responsibilities and joys of social progress. The church was the only place that offered her a partial escape, a shared space for a common purpose, a place to unite; and to the church, she has continuously turned as her only means of social connection.
But as society continued to evolve, reaching an ever-higher degree of interdependent complexity, developing in the human soul an ever-growing capacity and necessity for wide, free, general association, and transmitting that increasing social capacity to the daughter as well as the son, the enormous pressure had to find some outlet. "What will happen if an irresistible force meets an immovable body?" is the old question, and the answer is "The irresistible force will be resisted and the immovable body be moved." That is exactly what has happened. The irresistible force of the public spirit has met the immovable body of the private house—and that great, splendid, working social force has been frittered away in innumerable little processes of private amusement; the quiet, beautiful, private home has been bloated and coarsened in immeasurable distention as a place of public entertainment.
But as society kept evolving, becoming increasingly complex and interconnected, it developed a growing capacity and need for broad, unrestricted social interaction, passing that social capacity on to both daughters and sons. This immense pressure had to find a way out. The age-old question, "What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" comes to mind, and the answer is, "The unstoppable force will be resisted, and the immovable object will be moved." That's exactly what has happened. The unstoppable force of public spirit has collided with the immovable object of the private home—and that powerful social force has been wasted on countless small acts of personal entertainment; the calm, lovely private home has been inflated and roughened beyond measure as a place for public amusement.
There is more than one line of tendency, good and bad, at work to bring about this peculiar phenomenon of domestic entertainment; but the major condition, without which it could not exist, is the home-bound woman; and the further essential, without which it could not develop to the degree found in what we call "society," is that the home-bound woman be exempt from the domestic industries, exempt from the direct cares of motherhood, exempt from any faintest hint of the great human responsibility of mutual labour; exempt from any legitimate connection with the real social body; and so, still inheriting the enormously increasing pressure of the social spirit, she pours out her energies in this simulacrum of social life we still call "social."
There are multiple influences, both positive and negative, contributing to this unique aspect of home entertainment. However, the primary factor that makes it possible is the woman who stays at home. Additionally, for it to evolve to the extent we see in what we deem "society," this home-bound woman needs to be free from household duties, free from the direct responsibilities of motherhood, and free from any hint of the significant human duty of shared labor. She should also be detached from any real connection to the actual social community. Thus, while still feeling the growing pressure of social expectations, she channels her energy into this imitation of social life we refer to as "social."
What is the effect, or rather what are some of the effects, of this artificial game of living upon the real course of life? And in particular how does it affect the home, and how does the home affect it? In the first place this form of human association, based upon the activities of otherwise idle women, and requiring the home as its vehicle of expression, tends to postpone marriage. The idle woman, contributing nothing to the household labours or expenses, requires to be wholly supported by her husband. This would be a check on marriage even if she stayed at home twirling her thumbs; for he would have to provide women to wait on her, on him, on the children, in default of her service as "house-wife." He could not marry as soon as the man whose wife, strong and skilled in house-service, held up her end of the business, as does the farmer's and mechanic's wife to-day.
What is the effect, or rather what are some of the effects, of this artificial way of living on the actual course of life? And specifically, how does it impact the home, and how does the home influence it? First of all, this type of human connection, based on the activities of otherwise idle women and requiring the home as its means of expression, tends to delay marriage. The idle woman, contributing nothing to household chores or costs, needs to be completely supported by her husband. This would be a barrier to marriage even if she stayed at home doing nothing; he would still have to hire help for her, for himself, and for the kids, since she wouldn't be able to fulfill her role as a "housewife." He couldn't marry as soon as a man whose wife, strong and skilled in household tasks, actively contributed to their life together, like the wives of farmers and mechanics do today.
But when to the expense of maintaining a useless woman is added the expense of entertaining her useless friends; when this entertainment takes the form, not of hospitality sharing the accommodations of the home, the food of the family, but of providing extra rooms, furniture, dishes, and servants; of special elaboration of costly food; and of a whole new gamut of expensive clothing wherein to entertain and be entertained—then indeed does marriage recede, and youth wither and blacken in awaiting it.
But when the cost of keeping an unnecessary woman is combined with the cost of entertaining her pointless friends; and when this entertainment involves not just offering hospitality with the home’s accommodations and the family’s meals, but also providing extra rooms, furniture, dishes, and staff; along with the elaborate preparation of expensive food; and a whole new range of costly clothing for both hosting and attending events—then marriage really does seem to fade away, and youth suffers and darkens while waiting for it.
Current fiction, current jokes, current experience, and all the background of history and literature, show us this strong and vicious tendency at work; and ugly is the work it does. No personal necessities, no family necessities, call for the expenses lavished on entertainment. Once started, the process races on, limited by no law of nature, for it is an unnatural process; excess following excess, in nightmare profusion. Veblen in his great book "The Theory of the Leisure Class," treats of the general development of this form of "conspicuous waste," but this special avenue of its maintenance is open to further study.
Current fiction, current jokes, current experiences, and all the background of history and literature reveal this strong and harmful tendency at work; and the results are ugly. There are no personal needs, no family needs, that justify the money spent on entertainment. Once it starts, the process speeds up, not limited by any natural laws, as it’s an unnatural process; excess follows excess in a nightmarish abundance. Veblen, in his significant book "The Theory of the Leisure Class," discusses the general development of this form of "conspicuous waste," but this specific path of its continuation is still open for further exploration.
Women who work in their homes may be ignorant, uncultured, narrow; they may act on man as a check to mental progress; they may retard the development of their remaining industries and be a heavy brake on the wheels of social progress; they may and they do have this effect; but they are at least honest workers, though primitive ones. Their homes are held back from full social development, but they are legitimate homes. Their husbands, if selfish and vicious, waste money and life in the saloons, finding the social contact they must have somewhere; but the wives, getting along as they can without social contact, meet the basic requirements of home life, and offer to the honest and self-controlled young man a chance to enjoy "the comforts of a home," and to save money if he will. I am by no means pointing out this grade of woman's labour as desirable; that is sufficiently clear in previous chapters; but it is in origin right, and, though restricted, not abnormal.
Women who work from home may be uninformed, unrefined, and narrow-minded; they might hold back mental progress for men and slow down the growth of other industries, acting as a significant obstacle to social progress. They can and do have this effect, but they are at least honest workers, albeit in a basic way. Their homes may be limited in full social development, but they are still valid homes. Their husbands, if selfish and immoral, waste time and money in bars, seeking social interaction they need elsewhere; however, the wives, managing as best they can without social contact, fulfill the essential needs of home life, providing honest and self-disciplined young men a chance to experience "the comforts of a home" and save money if they choose. I’m not suggesting that this level of women's work is ideal; that has been made clear in previous chapters; but its origins are legitimate, and although it is limited, it is not abnormal.
Domestic entertainment is abnormal. It is an effort to meet a natural craving in an unnatural way. It continually seeks to "bring people together" because they are unnaturally kept apart; and to furnish them with entertainment in lieu of occupation. Any person whose work is too hard, too long, too monotonous, or not in itself attractive, needs "relaxation," "amusement," "recreation"; but this does not account in the least for domestic entertainment. That is offered to people who do not work at all. Those of them who do, part of the time, as business men sufficiently wealthy to be "in society," and yet sufficiently human to keep on in real social activities, are not relaxed, amused, or recreated by the alleged entertainment.
Domestic entertainment is strange. It’s an attempt to satisfy a natural desire in an unnatural way. It constantly tries to “bring people together” because they’re unnaturally kept apart; and to provide them with entertainment instead of meaningful work. Anyone whose job is too hard, too long, too boring, or not interesting in itself, needs “relaxation,” “amusement,” “recreation”; but this doesn’t explain domestic entertainment at all. It’s offered to people who don’t work at all. Those who do work, at least part of the time, as business people wealthy enough to be “in society,” and human enough to engage in real social activities, aren’t relaxed, amused, or entertained by what’s supposed to be entertainment.
Those who most conspicuously and entirely give themselves up to it are most wearied by it. They may develop a morbid taste for the game, which cannot be satisfied without it; but neither are they satisfied within it.
Those who fully and completely surrender to it are the ones most exhausted by it. They might develop an unhealthy craving for the game that can only be fulfilled through it; however, they also find no satisfaction within it.
The proofs of this are so patent to the sociologist as to seem tedious in enumeration; one alone carries weight enough to satisfy any questioner—that is the ceaseless and rapid contortions of invention with which the "entertainment" varies.
The evidence for this is so obvious to sociologists that listing it all feels tedious; just one point is strong enough to convince anyone who asks—that is the constant and rapid changes in the way "entertainment" varies.
If the happy denizens of the highest "social circles" sat serene and content like the gods upon Olympus, banqueting eternally in royal calm, argument and criticism would fall to the ground. If they rose from their eternal banqueting, refreshed and strong, recreated in vigour and enthusiasm, and able to plunge into the real activities of life, then we might well envy them, and strive, with reason, to attain their level. But this is in no wise the case. Look for your evidence at the requisites of entertainment in any age of sufficient wealth and peace to maintain idlers, and in no age more easily typical than our own, and see the convulsive and incessant throes of change, the torrent of excess, the license, the eccentricity, the sudden reaction to this and that extreme, with which the wearied entertainers seek to devise entertainment that will entertain.
If the happy people in the highest "social circles" were as calm and content as the gods on Olympus, feasting endlessly in royal peace, arguments and criticism would dissipate. If they rose from their eternal feasting, recharged and full of energy, ready to dive into the real activities of life, we might genuinely envy them and have some reason to aspire to their level. But that is not at all the case. Look for your evidence in the needs for entertainment in any era of enough wealth and peace to support idlers, and there’s no time more representative than our own. You’ll see the chaotic and constant turmoil of change, the flood of excess, the freedom, the eccentricity, the sudden shifts to this or that extreme, as the exhausted entertainers try to create entertainment that actually entertains.
The physiologist knows that where normal processes are arrested abnormal processes develop. The persistent energy of the multiplying cell finds expression in cyst and polypus as readily as in good muscle and gland; and, whereas the normal growth finds its natural limit and proportion in the necessary organic interchange with other working parts of the mechanism, no such healthy check acts upon the abnormal growth.
The physiologist understands that when normal processes stop, abnormal processes take over. The continuous energy of the multiplying cell can create cysts and polyps just as easily as it can produce healthy muscle and glands. While normal growth has its natural limits and proportions through necessary interactions with other working parts of the system, there isn't a healthy check on abnormal growth.
Legs and arms do not grow and stretch indefinitely, putting out wabbling, pendulous eccentricities here and there; but a tumour grows without limit and without proportion; without use, and, therefore, without beauty. It takes no part in the bodily functions, and, therefore, is a disease. Yet it is connected with the body, grows in it, and swells hugely upon stolen blood. Social life has this possibility of morbid growth as has the physical body.
Legs and arms don’t grow and stretch endlessly, adding wobbly, drooping oddities here and there; however, a tumor grows without limits and without proportion; without purpose, and, therefore, without beauty. It doesn’t contribute to the body's functions, and, as a result, it’s a disease. Still, it’s connected to the body, growing within it, and swelling dramatically on borrowed sustenance. Social life has the potential for unhealthy growth just like the physical body does.
All legitimate social functions check and limit each other, as do our physical functions. No true branch of the social service can wax great at the expense of the others. If there are more in any trade or profession than are needed, the less capable are dropped out—cannot maintain a place in that line of work. Our use to each other is the natural check and guide in normal social growth. This whole field of domestic entertainment is abnormal in its base and direction, and therefore has no check in its inordinate expansion. As long as money can be found and brains be trained to minister to its demands the stream pours on; and all industry and art are corrupted in the service.
All legitimate social functions balance and limit each other, just like our physical functions. No true branch of social service can thrive at the expense of the others. If there are more people in any trade or profession than necessary, the less skilled are pushed out—they can't keep their position in that field. Our usefulness to each other serves as the natural check and guide in healthy social growth. This entire area of domestic entertainment is abnormal in its foundation and direction, and therefore lacks a check on its excessive growth. As long as there's money to be found and talent trained to meet its demands, the flow continues; and all industry and art are corrupted in the process.
True social intercourse, legitimate amusement, is quite another matter. Human beings must associate, in innumerable forms and degrees of intimacy. Perfect friendship is the most intense, the closest form, and our great national and international organisations the largest and loosest. Between lies every shade of combination, temporary and permanent, deep and shallow, all useful and pleasant in their place. A free human being, rightly placed in society, has first his work—or her work—the main line of organic relation. That means special development, and all affiliations, economic and personal, that rest on that specialisation.
True social interaction and genuine fun are completely different things. People need to connect in countless ways and levels of closeness. Perfect friendship is the most intense and intimate form, while our big national and international organizations are the largest and most casual. In between, there are every kind of relationship, whether temporary or permanent, deep or superficial, all of which are valuable and enjoyable in their own way. A free person, properly positioned in society, first has their work—the main line of connection. That involves specific development and all the economic and personal relationships that come from that specialization.
Then come the still larger general human connections, religious, political, scientific, educational, in which we join and work with others in the great world-functions that include us all. Play is almost as distinctively a human function as work—perhaps quite as much so; and here again we group and re-group, in sports and games, by "eights," by "nines," by "elevens," and all progressive associations. Then, where the play is so subtle and elaborate as to require a life's work, as in the great social function of the drama, we have people devoting their time to that form of expression, though they may seek their own recreation in other lines.
Then there are the larger connections we have as humans, like those in religion, politics, science, and education, where we collaborate with others on significant global issues that affect us all. Play is almost as inherently human as work—maybe even equally so; and again, we form and reform groups in sports and games, in teams of "eights," "nines," "elevens," and various other associations. When play becomes so intricate and refined that it demands a lifetime of dedication, like in the complex social function of theater, we find people committing themselves to that form of expression, even if they pursue their leisure in different areas.
All natural mingling to perform together—as in the harvest dances and celebrations of all peoples—or to enjoy together the performance of others, as when we gather in the theatre, this is legitimate human life; and, while any one form may be overdeveloped, by excessive use, as an unwise athlete may misuse his body, it is still in its nature right, and good, if not misused.
All natural interactions meant to be enjoyed together—like the harvest dances and celebrations of different cultures—or to appreciate the performances of others, as we do when we gather in the theater, this is real human life; and while any single form may become excessive through overuse, much like an unwise athlete may harm his body, it is still fundamentally correct and beneficial, as long as it’s not misused.
But the use of the home as a medium of entertainment is abnormal in itself, in its relation, or, rather, in its total lack of relation to the real purpose of the place. The happy privacy of married love is at once lost. The quiet wisdom, peace, and loving care which should surround the child are at once lost. The delicate sincerity of personal expression, which should so unerringly distinguish one's dress and house, is at once lost. The only shadow of excuse for cumbering the home with crude industries—our claim that we do this so as to more accurately meet the needs of the family—is at once lost. The whole household machinery, once so nobly useful, and still interesting, as a hand-loom or spinning wheel, is prostituted to uses of which the primal home had no conception.
But using the home as a place for entertainment is unusual in itself, especially since it completely disconnects from the true purpose of the space. The joyful intimacy of married love is instantly diminished. The calm wisdom, peace, and nurturing atmosphere that should surround the child are immediately lost. The genuine sincerity of personal expression, which should distinctly reflect one's style and home, is also lost. The only slight justification for cluttering the home with crude industries—our claim that we do this to better meet the family's needs—is quickly forgotten. The entire household system, once so valuable and still interesting, like a handloom or spinning wheel, is reduced to tasks that the original home never envisioned.
In an ideal home we should find, first, the perfect companionship of lovers; then the happy, united life of father, mother, and child, of brother and sister; then all simple, genuine hospitality; then the spontaneous intercourse of valued friends—the freedom to meet and mingle, now more, now less, in which, as character develops, we slowly find our own, and our whole lives are enriched and strengthened by right companionship.
In a perfect home, we should find, first, the ideal companionship of lovers; then the joyful, united life of father, mother, and child, of brother and sister; then all straightforward, genuine hospitality; then the natural interactions with valued friends—the freedom to meet and socialize, sometimes more, sometimes less, in which, as our character develops, we gradually discover our own, and our entire lives are enriched and strengthened by the right companionship.
Right here is the point of departure from the legitimate to the illegitimate; from what is natural, true, and wholly good to this avenue of diseased growth. As we reach out more and more for a wider range of contact—a chance of more varied association—we should leave the home and find what we seek in its own place: the general functions of human life, the whole wide field of human activity. In school, in college, the growing soul finds at once possibilities of contact impossible at home.
Right here is where we transition from what's legitimate to what's not; from what's natural, true, and genuinely good to this path of unhealthy development. As we seek more connections and opportunities for varied experiences, we should step away from home and discover what we’re looking for in its rightful setting: the broad functions of human life and the entire spectrum of human activities. In school and college, the evolving individual encounters possibilities for connection that are simply not available at home.
True association is impossible without common action. We do not sit voiceless and motionless, shaking hands with each other's souls. True and long-established friends and lovers may do this for a season. "Silence is the test of friendship," someone has said; but friendship and love require something more than this for birth and maintenance. The "ties" of love and friendship are found in the common memories and common hopes, the things we have done, do, and will do, for and with each other.
True connection can’t happen without shared actions. We don't just sit silently and still, shaking hands with each other's souls. True and long-lasting friends and lovers might do this for a while. "Silence is the test of friendship," as someone once said; but friendship and love need more than that to begin and grow. The bonds of love and friendship are found in our shared memories and hopes, the things we’ve done, are doing, and will do for and with each other.
The home is for the family, and at most, a few "familiar" friends. The wider range of friendship, actual and potential, that the human soul of to-day requires, is not possible at home. See the broad graded list of a man's school friends and college friends, classmates, and fellows in club and society, associates in games and sports, business friends of all degrees, friends and associates in politics; he has an enormous range of social contact, from every grade of which he gets some good, and, out of the whole, some personal friends he likes to have come freely to his home.
The home is meant for family and maybe a few close friends. However, the wider network of friendships that today's human spirit demands can't really be accommodated at home. Consider the extensive list of a person's school friends, college friends, classmates, and acquaintances from clubs and societies, fellow gamers and sports teammates, and various business connections; they have a vast range of social interactions, each providing some value. From this entire mix, there are a few personal friends that they enjoy inviting over to their home.
Contrast with this the woman's scale—the average woman, she whose "sphere" is wholly in the home. By nature—that is, by human nature—she has the same need and capacity for large association. Being pruned down to a few main branches, confined almost wholly to the basic lines of attachment known equally to the savage, she pours a passionate intensity of feeling into her narrow range. The life-long give-and-take with a friend of whose private life one knows nothing is impossible to her. She must monopolise, being herself monopolised from birth.
Contrast this with the woman's role—the average woman, whose "sphere" is entirely within the home. By nature—that is, by human nature—she has the same need and ability for deep connections. Being limited to a few main relationships and mostly focusing on basic bonds that even the primitive understand, she channels a passionate intensity of emotion into her restricted experiences. The lifelong give-and-take with a friend whose private life she knows nothing about is impossible for her. She must monopolize, as she has been monopolized since birth.
This intensity of feeling, finally worn down by the rebuff it must needs meet, gives place in the life of the woman who is able to "entertain," to the "dear five hundred friends" of that sterile atmosphere. It is no longer the free reaching out of the individual toward those who mean help and strength, breadth and change and progress, rest and relaxation. In the varied life of the world we are brought in contact with many kinds of people, in different lines of work, and are drawn to those who belong to us. In the monotonous life of "society" we are brought in contact with the same kind of people, or people whose life effort is to appear the same—all continually engaged in doing the same thing. If any new idea jars the monotony, off rushes the whole crowd after it—bicycle, golf, or ping-pong—till they have made it monotonous, too.
This intense feeling, eventually worn down by the rejection it inevitably faces, gives way in the life of a woman who can "entertain," to the "dear five hundred friends" of that unfulfilling environment. It’s no longer about reaching out freely to those who bring help and strength, diversity, change, and relaxation. In the diverse world, we interact with many kinds of people in various professions and connect with those who resonate with us. In the repetitive life of "society," we engage with the same types of people, or those whose main focus is to appear the same—all constantly involved in doing the same things. If a new idea disrupts the monotony, the whole crowd rushes after it—bicycling, golfing, or playing ping-pong—until they make it monotonous, too.
No true and invigorating social intercourse can take place among people who are cut off from real social activities, whose medium of contact is the utterly irrelevant and arbitrary performance of what they so exquisitely miscall "social functions." The foundation error lies in the confinement of a social being to a purely domestic scale of living. By bringing into the home people who have no real business there, they are instantly forced into an artificial position. The home is no place for strangers. They cannot work there, they cannot play there, so they must be "entertained." So starts the merry-go-round. The woman must have social contact, she cannot go where it is in the normal business of life, so she tries to drag it in where she is; forcing the social life into the domestic. The domestic life is crowded out by this foreign current, and, as there is no place for legitimate social activities, in any home or series of homes, however large and costly, the illegitimate social activities are at once set up.
No real and meaningful social interaction can happen among people who are cut off from genuine social activities, whose only connection comes from the completely irrelevant and random events they mistakenly call "social functions." The main problem lies in limiting social life to a purely domestic scale. By inviting people into their homes who don’t actually belong there, they are quickly put into an awkward situation. The home isn’t meant for strangers. They can’t work or play there; instead, they need to be "entertained." And that’s where the cycle begins. The woman needs social contact, but since she can’t find it in the normal course of life, she tries to bring it into her home, forcing social life into her domestic space. This outside influence crowds out real domestic life, and since there’s no room for legitimate social activities in any home or collection of homes, no matter how big or expensive, illegitimate social activities quickly take their place.
The train of evils to the health of society we are all acquainted with, though not with their causes. Sociology is yet too new to us for practical application. We are too unfamiliar with normal social processes to distinguish the abnormal, even though suffering keenly under it. Yet this field is so within the reach of everyone that it would seem easy to understand.
The range of problems affecting society's health is something we all know about, even if we don't understand their causes. Sociology is still relatively new to us for practical use. We're not well-versed in normal social processes to recognize the abnormal, even though we're feeling the negative effects of it. But this area is so accessible to everyone that it should be easy to comprehend.
The human being's best growth requires a happy, quiet, comfortable home; with peace and health, order and beauty in its essential relations. The human being also requires right social relation, the work he is best suited to, full range of expression in that work, and intercourse free and spontaneous with his kind. Women are human beings. They are allowed the first class of relations—the domestic; but denied the other—the social. Hence they are forced to meet a normal need in an abnormal way, with inevitable evil results.
A person's best growth needs a happy, calm, comfortable home, filled with peace and health, order, and beauty in its essential relationships. People also need the right social connections, work that suits them well, the freedom to express themselves in that work, and spontaneous interactions with others. Women are people, too. They are given access to the first type of relationship—the domestic one—but are denied the other—the social one. Because of this, they have to meet a natural need in an unnatural way, leading to unavoidable negative outcomes.
We can see easily the more conspicuous evils of luxury and extravagance, of idleness, excitement, and ill health, of the defrauded home, the withering family life, the black shadows beyond that; but there are others we do not see. Large among these is our loneliness. The machinery of domestic entertainment is paradoxically in our way. We are for ever and for ever flocking together, being brought together, arranging to meet people, to be met by people, to have other people meet each other, and meanwhile life passes and we have not met.
We can easily see the obvious problems caused by luxury and extravagance, by laziness, excitement, and poor health, by broken homes and fading family life, along with the darker issues that lurk beneath. But there are other issues we don’t notice. One of the biggest is our loneliness. The way we go about entertainment at home ironically gets in our way. We keep gathering together, setting up meetings with people, getting together with others, and arranging for them to meet each other, yet life goes on and we still haven’t truly connected.
"How I wish I could see more of you!" we sigh to the few real friends. Your friend may be at the same dinner—taking out someone else, or, even taking you out—in equal touch with neighbours at either side and eyes opposing. Your friend may be at the same dance—piously keeping step with many another; at the same reception, the same tea, the same luncheon—but you do not meet. As the "society" hand is gloved that there be no touching of real flesh and blood, so is the society soul dressed and defended for the fray in smooth phrase and glossy smile—a well-oiled system, without which the ceaseless press and friction would wear us raw, but within which we do anything but "meet."
"How I wish I could see more of you!" we say to the few true friends. Your friend might be at the same dinner—out with someone else, or even taking you out—interacting with neighbors on either side and their gaze turned away. Your friend might be at the same dance—faithfully keeping in time with many others; at the same reception, the same tea, the same lunch—but you don’t actually see each other. Just as the "society" hand is gloved to prevent any real contact, so the society soul is dressed up and protected for battle with smooth words and shiny smiles—a well-oiled system, without which the constant pressure and friction would wear us down, but within it, we do anything but truly "meet."
For truth and health and honest friendliness, for the bringing out of the best there is in us, for the maintenance of a pure and restful home-life and the development of an inspiring and fruitful social life, we need some other medium of association than domestic entertainments. And we are rapidly finding it. The woman's club is a most healthy field of contact, and the woman's clubhouse offers a legitimate common ground for large gatherings.
For truth, health, and genuine friendship, for bringing out the best in us, for maintaining a clean and peaceful home life and developing an inspiring and productive social life, we need a different way to connect than just hosting events at home. And we are quickly discovering that alternative. Women's clubs provide a healthy space for interaction, and women's clubhouses create an appropriate venue for large gatherings.
The increasing number of women in regular business life alters the whole position. The business woman has her wider range of contact during the day, and is glad to rest and be alone with her family at night. If she desires to go out, it is to see real friends, or to some place of real amusement. When all women are honestly at work the "calling habit" will disappear perforce, with all its waste and dissimulation.
The growing number of women in the workforce is changing everything. Businesswomen have a broader range of connections during the day and appreciate coming home to their families at night to relax and be alone. If they want to go out, it's to spend time with genuine friends or to enjoy a real form of entertainment. When all women are truly engaged in their work, the "calling habit" will naturally fade away, along with all its wastefulness and pretense.
Given a healthy active life of true social usefulness for all women, and given a full accommodation of public rooms for public gatherings, and the whole thing takes care of itself. The enormous demand for association will be met legitimately, and the satisfied soul will gladly return from that vast field of social life to the restful quiet, the loving intimacy, the genuineness of home-life, with its constant possibilities of real hospitality and the blessings of true friendship.
Given a healthy, active life of genuine social usefulness for all women, and with fully accessible public spaces for gatherings, everything will take care of itself. The huge desire for community will be legitimately fulfilled, and the content individual will happily return from that broad spectrum of social life to the peaceful tranquility, the loving closeness, and the authenticity of home life, with its ongoing opportunities for real hospitality and the benefits of true friendship.
XI
THE HOSTESS
The effect of the house upon women is as important as might be expected of one continuous environment upon any living creature. The house varies with the varying power and preference of the owner; but to a house of some sort the woman has been confined for a period as long as history. This confinement is not to be considered as an arbitrary imprisonment under personal cruelty, but as a position demanded by public opinion, sanctioned by religion, and enforced by law.
The impact of the home on women is just as significant as one consistent environment can be on any living being. Homes change with the differing desires and authority of their owners; however, women have been confined to some type of home for as long as history itself. This confinement shouldn't be viewed as a random imprisonment due to personal cruelty, but rather as a situation required by societal norms, supported by religion, and upheld by law.
In the comparative freedom to "walk abroad" of our present-day civilised women, we too quickly forget the conditions immediately behind us, when even the marketing for the household was done by men, and the conditions still with us for many millions of women in many countries who are house-bound for life.
In the relative freedom to "walk around" that today's civilized women enjoy, we often overlook the circumstances that were just behind us, when even grocery shopping was done by men, and the situations that still affect millions of women in many countries who are confined to their homes for life.
To briefly recount the situation, we find in the pre-human home the mother sharing the hole or nest with her young, also sharing the outside task of getting food for them. In some species the father assists the mother, he never does it all. In other cases the father is no assistance, even a danger, seeking in cannibal infanticide to eat his own young; the mother in this case must feed and defend the young, as well as feed herself, and so must leave home at frequent intervals.
To quickly summarize the situation, we see that in the pre-human home, the mother shares the hole or nest with her young and also takes on the outside task of finding food for them. In some species, the father helps the mother, but he never does everything by himself. In other cases, the father provides no help at all and can even be a threat, sometimes resorting to cannibalism by eating his own young; in such cases, the mother has to feed and protect the young while also taking care of herself, which means she often has to leave home.
The common cat is an instance of this. She is found happily nursing the kittens in her hidden nest among the hay; but you often find the kittens alone while the mother goes mousing, and a contributary Thomas you do not find.
The common cat is a good example of this. She's often seen nursing her kittens in a hidden nest among the hay; however, you frequently find the kittens alone while their mother goes hunting for mice, and you don't see any contributing tomcats around.
As we have before seen, our longer period of infancy and its overlapping continuity, a possible series of babies lasting twenty years or so, demanded a permanent home; and so long as the mother had sole charge of this progressive infant party she must needs be there to attend to her maternal duties. This condition is what we have in mind, or think we have in mind, when maintaining the duty of women to stay at home.
As we've seen before, our extended period of infancy and its overlapping nature, potentially involving a series of babies over twenty years or so, required a stable home; and as long as the mother was solely responsible for this growing group of infants, she needed to be present to fulfill her maternal responsibilities. This situation is what we envision, or think we envision, when discussing the expectation for women to stay at home.
Wherever woman's labour is still demanded, as among all savages, in the peasant classes where women work in the fields, and in our own recent condition of slavery, either the mother takes her baby with her, or a group of babies are cared for by one woman while the rest are at work. Again, among our higher classes, almost the first step of increasing wealth is to depute to a nurse the mother's care, in order that she may be free from this too exacting claim. The nurse is a figure utterly unknown to animals, save in the collective creatures, like the bee and ant; a deputy-mother, introduced by us at a very early period. But this sharing of the mother's duties has not freed the woman from the house, because of quite another element in our human life. This is the custom of ownership in women.
Wherever women’s labor is still needed, like in all primitive societies, among peasant communities where women work in the fields, and in our recent history of slavery, either the mother brings her baby along, or one woman looks after a group of babies while the others work. Similarly, in wealthier classes, one of the first steps to increasing wealth is hiring a nurse to take care of the baby, allowing the mother to escape this demanding responsibility. The nurse is a role completely absent in the animal kingdom, except for social insects like bees and ants; she is a surrogate mother that we introduced very early on. However, sharing the mother’s responsibilities hasn’t freed women from domestic life due to another aspect of our human existence: the custom of ownership of women.
The animal mother is held by love, by "instinct" only; the human mother has been for endless centuries a possession of the father. In his pride and joy of possession, and in his fear lest some other man annex his treasure, he has boxed up his women as he did his jewels, and any attempt at personal freedom on their part he considered a revolt from marital allegiance.
The animal mother is guided by love and instinct; the human mother has been, for countless centuries, a possession of the father. In his pride and joy of ownership, and in his fear of another man claiming his treasure, he has confined his women like his jewels, and any attempt at personal freedom on their part he saw as a rebellion against marital loyalty.
The extreme of this feeling results in the harem-system, and the crippled ladies of China; wherein we find the women held to the house, not by their own maternal ties, of which we talk much but in which we place small confidence, but by absolute force.
The extreme of this feeling leads to the harem system and the restricted women of China; where we see women confined to the home, not by their own maternal bonds, which we often discuss but don’t truly believe in, but by sheer force.
This condition modifies steadily with the advance of democratic civilisation, but the mental habit based upon it remains with us. The general opinion that a woman should be in the home is found so lately expressed as in the works of our present philosopher, Mr. Dooley. In his "Expert Evidence" he says, "What the coort ought to 've done was to call him up and say 'Lootgert, where's your good woman?' If Lootgert cudden't tell, he ought to be hanged on gineral principles; f'r a man must keep his wife around the house, and when she isn't there it shows he's a poor provider."
This situation changes gradually as democratic society progresses, but the mindset rooted in it lingers. The widespread belief that a woman belongs in the home is still expressed in contemporary works, like those of our current philosopher, Mr. Dooley. In his "Expert Evidence," he states, "What the court should have done was call him up and say 'Lootgert, where's your good woman?' If Lootgert couldn't answer, he should be hanged on general principles; for a man must keep his wife around the house, and when she’s not there, it shows he’s a poor provider."
The extent and depth of this feeling is well shown by a mass of popular proverbs, often quoted in this connection, such as "A woman should leave her house three times—when she is christened, when she is married, and when she is buried" (even then she only leaves it to go to church), or again, "The woman, the cat, and the chimney should never leave the house." So absolute is this connection in our minds that numbers of current phrases express it, the Housewife—Hausfrau, and the one chosen to head this chapter—The Lady of the House.
The extent and depth of this feeling is clearly illustrated by a range of popular proverbs often mentioned in this context, such as "A woman should leave her house three times—when she is baptized, when she gets married, and when she is buried" (even then, she only leaves to go to church), or "The woman, the cat, and the chimney should never leave the house." This connection is so ingrained in our minds that many modern phrases reflect it, like Housewife—Hausfrau, and the one chosen to title this chapter—The Lady of the House.
Now what has this age-long combination done to the woman, to the mother and moulder of human character; what sort of lady is the product of the house?
Now, what has this long-standing combination done to the woman, the mother and shaper of human character? What kind of lady is produced by this household?
Let us examine the physical results first. There is no doubt that we have been whitened and softened by our houses. The sun darkens, the shade pales. In the house has grown the delicate beauty we admire, but are we right in so admiring?
Let’s look at the physical outcomes first. There’s no doubt that our homes have lightened and softened us. The sun darkens, while the shade lightens. Within the house, we’ve developed the delicate beauty we admire, but should we really admire it?
The highest beauty the world has yet known was bred by the sun-loving Athenians. Their women were home-bound, but their men raced and wrestled in the open air. No argument need be wasted to prove that air and sun and outdoor exercise are essential to health, and that health is essential to beauty. If we admire weakness and pallor, it by no means shows those qualities to be good; we can admire deformity itself, if we are taught to.
The greatest beauty the world has ever seen came from the sun-loving Athenians. Their women stayed at home, while the men ran and wrestled outside. There's no need to debate that fresh air, sunlight, and outdoor exercise are crucial for good health, which in turn is vital for beauty. If we find weakness and pale skin attractive, it doesn't mean those traits are desirable; we can even appreciate deformity itself, if we are conditioned to do so.
Without any reference to cause or necessity, it may be readily seen that absolute confinement to the house must have exactly the same effect on women that it would on men, and that effect is injurious to the health and vigour of the race. It is possible by continuous outdoor training of the boys and men to counteract the ill effect of the indoor lives of women; but why saddle the race with difficulties? Why not give our children strong bodies and constitutions from both sides?
Without any reference to cause or necessity, it’s easy to see that being completely confined to the house will have the same negative impact on women as it would on men, and that impact is harmful to the health and vitality of our society. Continuous outdoor training for boys and men can help offset the negative effects of women’s indoor lives, but why create extra challenges for ourselves? Why not give our children strong bodies and health from both sides?
The rapid and increasing spread of physical culture in modern life is helping mend the low conditions of human development; but the man still has the advantage.
The fast and growing popularity of physical culture in today’s life is improving the poor state of human development; however, men still have the upper hand.
This was most convincingly shown by the two statues made by Dr. Sargent for the World's Fair of 1893 from an extended series of measurements of college boys and girls. Thousands and thousands of specimens of our young manhood and young womanhood were carefully measured, and there stand the two white figures to show how we compare in beauty—the men and women of our time.
This was most convincingly demonstrated by the two statues created by Dr. Sargent for the 1893 World's Fair, based on an extensive series of measurements of college boys and girls. Thousands upon thousands of examples of our young men and women were carefully measured, and there stand the two white figures to illustrate how we compare in beauty—the men and women of our time.
The figure of the man is far and away more beautiful than that of the woman. It is better proportioned as a whole; she is too short-legged, too long-waisted, too narrow-chested. It is better knit, more strongly and accurately "set up." She does not hang together well at all—the lines of connection are weak and wavering, and in especial does she lack any power and grace in the main area, the body itself, the torso. There is the undeveloped chest and the over-developed hips; and between them, instead of a beautifully modelled trunk, mere shapeless tissues, crying mutely for the arbitrary shape they are accustomed to put on outside! We are softer and whiter for our long housing; but not more truly beautiful.
The man's figure is undeniably more attractive than the woman's. It's better proportioned overall; she has short legs, a long torso, and a narrow chest. His body is more well-formed, stronger, and clearly defined. She doesn’t have a cohesive appearance at all—the lines of her body are weak and unsteady, especially lacking power and grace in the torso. Her chest is underdeveloped, and her hips are overly prominent; and instead of a nicely shaped trunk, there are just shapeless tissues, silently yearning for the defined shape they normally have! We may look softer and paler from our sheltered lives, but that doesn’t make us more genuinely beautiful.
The artist seeks his models from the stately burden-bearing, sun-browned women of Italy; strong creatures, human as well as feminine. The house life, with its shade, its foul air, its overheated steaminess, its innumerable tiring small activities, and its lack of any of those fine full exercises which built the proportions of the Greeks, has not benefited the body of the lady thereof; and in injuring her has injured all mankind, her children.
The artist finds his models among the strong, sun-tanned women of Italy who carry heavy loads; they are powerful figures, both human and feminine. Life at home, with its darkness, stale air, excessive heat, countless exhausting little tasks, and absence of the kind of vigorous activities that shaped the bodies of the Greeks, hasn't done the lady any good; in hurting her, it has also hurt all of humanity, especially her children.
How of her mind? How has the mental growth of the race been affected by the housing of women? Apply the question to men. Think for a moment of the mental condition of humanity, if men too had each and every one stayed always in the home. The results are easy to picture. No enlargement of industry, only personal hand-to-mouth labour: not a trade, not a craft, not a craftsman on earth; no enlargement of exchange and commerce, only the products of one's own field, if the house-bound were that much free: no market, local, national, or international; no merchant in the world.
How about her mind? How has the mental development of society been influenced by the roles of women? Consider how this applies to men. Imagine the state of humanity's intellect if every man had stayed at home all the time. The outcomes are easy to envision. There would be no growth in industry, just individuals struggling to make ends meet: no trades, no crafts, no artisans at all; no expansion of trade and commerce, only the goods produced from one’s own farm, if those confined to the home had any freedom at all: no market, whether local, national, or international; no merchants in the world.
No transportation, that at once; no roads—why roads if all men stayed at home? No education—even the child must leave home to go to school; no art, save the squaw-art of personal decoration of one's own handmade things. No travel, of course, and so no growth of any human ties, no widespread knowledge, love, and peace. In short, no human life at all—if men, all men, had always stayed at home. Merely the life of a self-maintained family—the very lowest type, the type we find most nearly approached by the remote isolated households of the "poor whites," of the South. Even they have some of the implements and advantages of civilisation, they are not utterly cut off.
No transportation, none at all; no roads—why have roads if everyone stayed at home? No education—even kids have to leave home to go to school; no art, except for the craft of personal decoration on one's own handmade items. No travel, so no growth of human connections, no widespread knowledge, love, or peace. In short, no human life whatsoever—if everyone, all people, had always stayed at home. Just the existence of a self-sustaining family—the most basic type, similar to what we see in the remote isolated households of the "poor whites" in the South. Even they have some tools and benefits of civilization; they are not completely cut off.
The growth of the world has followed the widening lives of men, outside the home. The specialised trade, with its modification of character; the surplus production and every widening range of trade and commerce; the steadily increasing power of distribution, and transportation, with its increased area, ease, and speed; the ensuing increase in travel now so general and continuous; and following that the increase in our knowledge and love of one another; all—all that makes for civilisation, for progress, for the growth of humanity up and on toward the race ideal—takes place outside the home. This is what has been denied to the lady of the house—merely all human life!
The growth of the world has paralleled the expanding lives of people beyond the home. The specialized trades, with their changes in character; the surplus production and the expanding range of trade and commerce; the steadily improving power of distribution and transportation, with its greater reach, convenience, and speed; the resulting increase in travel, which is now so common and continuous; and along with that, the growth in our understanding and affection for each other—all of this contributes to civilization, progress, and the advancement of humanity toward its ideal. All of this happens outside the home. This is what has been denied to the lady of the house—simply all human life!
Some human life she must needs partake of by the law of heredity, sharing in the growth of the race through the father; and some she has also shared through contact with the man in such time as he was with her in the house, to such a degree as he was willing and able to share his experience. Also her condition has been steadily ameliorated, as he, growing ever broader and wiser by his human relationships, brought wisdom and justice and larger love into his family relationship. But the gain came from without, and filtered down to the woman in most niggardly fashion.
Some aspects of human life she had to experience because of heredity, engaging in the growth of the race through her father; and she also experienced some of it through her interactions with the man while he was living in the house, to the extent that he was willing and able to share his experiences. Additionally, her situation has steadily improved, as he, becoming broader and wiser through his human connections, brought wisdom, fairness, and greater love into their family life. However, the benefits primarily came from outside sources and trickled down to her in a very limited way.
Literature was a great world-art for centuries and centuries before women were allowed to read—to say nothing of write! It is not long since the opinion was held that, if women were allowed to write, they would but write love letters! In our last century, in civilised Christian England, Harriet Martineau and Jane Austen covered their writing with their sewing when visitors came in; writing was "unwomanly!"
Literature was a major form of art for centuries before women were allowed to read—let alone write! It wasn't long ago that people thought if women were given the chance to write, they would only produce love letters! In the last century, in civilized Christian England, Harriet Martineau and Jane Austen would cover up their writing with their sewing when guests arrived; writing was considered "unlady-like!"
The very greatest of our human gains we have been the slowest to share with woman: education and democracy.
The greatest achievements we've made as a society—education and democracy—have taken us the longest to share with women.
We have allowed them religion in a sense—as we have allowed them medicine—to take; not to give! They might have a priest as they might have a doctor, but on no account be one! Religion was for man to preach—and woman to practise.
We’ve permitted them to have religion in a way—just like we’ve allowed them to have medicine—only to take, not to give! They can have a priest like they can have a doctor, but they should never be one! Religion was meant for men to preach—and for women to practice.
In some churches, very recently, we are at last permitting women to hold equal place with men in what they deem to be the special service of God, but it is not yet common. Her extra-domestic education has been won within a lifetime; and there are still extant many to speak and write against it, even in the Universities—those men of Mezozoic minds! And her place as active participant in democratic government is still denied by an immense majority, on the ground—the same old underlying ground—that it would take her from the house! Here, clear and strong, stands out that ancient theory, that the very existence of womanhood depends on staying in the house.
In some churches, we've finally started to allow women to hold equal roles with men in what they consider to be their special service to God, but it's still not common. Women's education outside the home has been achieved in just a lifetime; yet there are still many who criticize it, even in universities—those men with outdated thinking! And the vast majority still deny her the chance to participate actively in democratic government, based on the same old reasoning—that it would take her away from the home! Here, the old belief is clear and strong, that the very existence of womanhood depends on staying at home.
We have seen what has been denied to woman by absence from the world; what do we find bestowed upon her by the ceaseless, enclosing presence of the house? How does staying in one's own house all one's life affect the mind? We cannot ask this question of a man, for no man has ever done it except a congenital invalid. Nothing short of paralysis will keep a man in the house. He would as soon spend his life in petticoats, they are both part of the feminine environment—no part of his. He will come home at night to sleep, at such hours as suit him. He likes to eat at home, and brings his friends to see the domestic group—house, wife, and children; all, things to be fond and proud of, things a man wishes to own and maintain properly. But for work or play, out he goes to his true companions—men, full-grown human creatures who understand each other; in his true place—the world, our human medium.
We have seen what has been denied to women by being excluded from the world; what do we find given to them by the constant, confining presence of the home? How does spending one's entire life in their own house affect the mind? We can’t ask this question of men, because no man has ever lived this way unless he was seriously ill. Nothing short of paralysis will keep a man at home. He would rather spend his life in a dress, as both are part of the feminine environment—not his. He comes home at night to sleep, at whatever hours work for him. He likes eating at home and brings his friends to see the family—house, wife, and kids; all things to cherish and take pride in, things a man wants to own and maintain properly. But for work or play, he heads out to his true companions—men, full-grown adults who understand each other; in his real place—the world, our human environment.
The woman, with such temporary excursions as our modern customs permit, works, plays, rests, does all things in her house, or in some neighbouring house—the same grade of environment. The home atmosphere is hers from birth to death. That this custom is rapidly changing I gladly admit. The women of our country and our time are marching out of the home to their daily work by millions, only to return to them at night with redoubled affection; but there are more millions far, many more millions, who are still housewives or ladies of houses.
The woman, with the brief outings that our modern society allows, works, plays, relaxes, and handles everything in her home or in a nearby one—essentially the same kind of environment. She experiences this home atmosphere from birth to death. I happily acknowledge that this custom is changing quickly. Women in our country and our time are leaving the house for their daily jobs by the millions, only to come back at night with even more love; but there are still many millions, many more millions, who remain housewives or manage households.
The first result is a sort of mental myopia. Looking always at things too near, the lens expands, the focus shortens, the objects within range are all too large, and nothing else is seen clearly. To spend your whole time in attending to your own affairs in your own home inevitably restricts the mental vision; inevitably causes those same personal affairs to seem larger to you than others' personal affairs or the affairs of the nation.
The first result is a kind of mental narrowness. Constantly focusing on things that are too close distorts your view, making the details bigger while blurring everything else. When you spend all your time concentrating on your own issues at home, it limits your perspective and makes your personal problems seem significantly larger than those of others or the issues facing the country.
This is a general sweeping consequence of being house-bound; and it is a heavily opposing influence to all human progress. The little-mindedness of the house-lady is not a distinction of sex. It is in no essential way a feminine distinction, but merely associatively feminine in that only women are confined to houses.
This is a broad consequence of being stuck at home, and it significantly hinders all human progress. The narrow-mindedness of the housewife isn't a gender issue. It’s not inherently feminine; it’s just related to women because they are the ones often stuck at home.
A larger range of interest and care instantly gives a resultant largeness of mind, in women as well as men. Such free great lives as have been here and there attained by women show the same broad human characteristics as similar lives of men. It can never be too frequently insisted upon, at least not in our beclouded time, that the whole area of human life is outside of, and irrelevant to, the distinctions of sex. Race characteristics belong in equal measure to either sex, and the misfortune of the house-bound woman is that she is denied time, place, and opportunity to develop those characteristics. She is feminine, more than enough, as man is masculine more than enough; but she is not human as he is human. The house-life does not bring out our humanness, for all the distinctive lines of human progress lie outside.
A broader range of interests and concerns instantly leads to a greater mindset, in both women and men. The exceptional lives that some women have achieved show the same wide-ranging human traits as those of men. It’s important to emphasize, especially in our confused times, that the entire scope of human life transcends the differences between sexes. Both sexes equally share racial characteristics, and the sad reality for housebound women is that they lack the time, space, and opportunity to develop those traits. She is feminine enough, just as he is masculine enough; however, she doesn't express her humanity in the same way he does. Domestic life does not foster our humanity, because all the significant avenues of human progress exist beyond it.
In the mind of the lady of the house is an arrangement of fact and feeling, which is untrue because it is disproportionate. The first tendency of the incessant home life is to exaggerate personality. The home is necessarily a hotbed of personal feeling. There love grows intense and often morbid; there any little irritation frets and wears in the constant pressure like a stone in one's shoe. The more isolated the home, the more cut off from the healthy movement of social progress, as in the lonely farmhouses of New England, the more we find those intense eccentric characters such as Mary E. Wilkins so perfectly portrays. The main area of the mind being occupied with a few people and their affairs, a tendency to monomania appears. The solitary farmer is least able to escape this domestic pressure, and therefore we find these pathological conditions of home life most in scattered farms.
In the mind of the lady of the house is a mix of facts and feelings that is inaccurate because it's unbalanced. The constant routine of home life tends to exaggerate personalities. Home is naturally a breeding ground for strong emotions. That's where love becomes intense and sometimes unhealthy; even the smallest annoyances can wear on you like a stone in your shoe. The more isolated the home—cut off from the positive energy of social progress, like the lonely farmhouses in New England—the more we see those intense, quirky characters that Mary E. Wilkins captures so well. With the main focus of the mind on just a few people and their issues, there's a risk of obsession. The solitary farmer has the hardest time escaping this home pressure, which is why we see these unusual home life issues most in remote farms.
Human creatures, to keep healthy, must mingle with one another. The house-bound woman cannot; therefore she does not maintain a vigorous and growing mind. Such contact as she has is mainly through church opportunities; and along all such lines as are open to her she eagerly flocks, finding great relief therein. But compare the interchange between a group of house-ladies, and a corresponding group of men—their husbands perhaps. Each of these men, touching the world through a different trade, has an area of his own; from which he can bring a new outlook to the others. Even if all are farmers, in which case there is much less breadth and stimulus in their intercourse, they still have some connection with the moving world. They seek to meet at some outside point, the store, the blacksmith's shop, the railroad station, the post-office; the social hunger appeasing itself as best it may with such scraps of the general social activities as fall to it. But the women, coming together, have nothing to bring each other but personalities. Some slight variation in each case perhaps, a little difference in receipts for sponge-cake, cures for measles, patterns for clothes, or stitches for fancy-work. (Oh, poor, poor lives! where fancy has no work but in stitches, and no play at all!)
Human beings, to stay healthy, must interact with each other. The woman stuck at home can’t; as a result, she doesn’t keep a lively and growing mind. The only interactions she has are mainly through church activities, and she eagerly participates in whatever opportunities are available to her, finding a lot of relief in those. But if you compare the conversations of a group of housewives to a similar group of men—their husbands, maybe—you’ll see the difference. Each of these men engages with the world through different jobs and brings a unique perspective to the group. Even if they’re all farmers, which would limit the variety in their conversations, they still have some connection to the outside world. They try to gather at places like the store, the blacksmith’s shop, the train station, or the post office; the need for social interaction getting satisfied as best it can with whatever bits of general social activity come their way. But the women, when they meet up, have nothing to share with each other except their personalities. There might be some small differences—maybe a new recipe for sponge cake, remedies for measles, clothing patterns, or tips for crafts. (Oh, poor, poor lives! where creativity can only go into stitches, and there's no play at all!)
The more extended and well-supplied house merely gives its lady a more extended supply of topics of the same nature. She may discuss candle-shades instead of bed-quilts, "entrées" instead of "emptin's"; ferns for the table instead of "yarbs" for the garret; but the distinction is not vital. It is still the lady prattling of her circumambient house, as snails might (possibly do!) dilate upon the merits of their ever-present shells. The limitations of the house as an area for a human life are most baldly dreary and crippling in the lower grades, the great majority of cases, where the housewife toils, not yet become the lady of the house. Here you see grinding work, and endless grey monotony. Here are premature age, wasting disease, and early death. If a series of photographs could be made of the working housewives in our country districts, with some personal account of the "poor health" which is the main topic of their infrequent talk; we should get a vivid idea of the condition of this grade of house-bound life.
The bigger and better-equipped home just gives its woman more topics of the same kind to discuss. She might talk about candle shades instead of bed quilts, appetizers instead of leftover food; ferns for the table instead of herbs for the attic; but the difference isn’t significant. It’s still the woman chatting about her surrounding home, much like snails might (possibly) go on about the advantages of their ever-present shells. The limitations of the home as a space for human life are most starkly dull and restrictive in the lower levels, in the vast majority of cases, where the housewife works hard, not yet having become the lady of the house. Here, you witness backbreaking labor and endless grey monotony. Here are signs of premature aging, debilitating illness, and early death. If we could take a series of photographs of the working housewives in our rural areas, accompanied by some personal accounts of the "poor health" that’s the main topic of their rare conversations; we would gain a vivid understanding of what this level of housebound life is really like.
The lady is in a different class, and open to a different danger. She is not worn out by overwork, but weakened by idleness. She is not starved and stunted by the hopeless lack of expression, but is, on the contrary, distorted by a senseless profusion of expression. There is pathos even to tears in the perforated cardboard fly-traps dangling from the gaudy hanging lamp in the farmhouse parlour; the little weazened, withered blossom of beauty thrust forth from the smothered life below. There is no pathos, rather a repulsive horror, in the mass of freakish ornament on walls, floors, chairs, and tables, on specially contrived articles of furniture, on her own body and the helpless bodies of her little ones, which marks the unhealthy riot of expression of the overfed and underworked lady of the house.
The lady belongs to a different world and faces a different kind of danger. She's not exhausted from too much work but weakened by a lack of activity. She's not crushed and stifled by a total lack of expression; instead, she's twisted by an overwhelming excess of it. There's a sorrowful beauty, even to the point of tears, in the tattered cardboard fly traps hanging from the flashy lamp in the farmhouse's living room; the delicate, faded beauty emerging from the stifled life beneath. There's no beauty here, just a disturbing horror, in the bizarre decorations on the walls, floors, chairs, and tables, on uniquely designed furniture, on her own body and the frail bodies of her little ones, illustrating the unhealthy chaos of expression of the overindulged and underactive lady of the house.
Every animal want is met, save those of air and exercise, though nowadays we let her out enough to meet those, if she will do it in games and athletic sports—anything that has not, as Veblen puts it, "the slightest taint of utility." She is a far more vigorous lady physically, than ever before. Also, nowadays, we educate her; in the sense of a large supply of abstract information. We charge her battery with every stimulating influence during youth; and then we expect her to discharge the swelling current in the same peaceful circuit which contented her great-grandmother! This gives us one of the most agonising spectacles of modern times.
Every animal's desires are fulfilled, except for the need for air and exercise. However, these days, we let her outside enough to satisfy those needs, as long as she does it through games and sports—anything that doesn’t, as Veblen puts it, "have the slightest hint of usefulness." She is physically more vigorous than ever before. Also, nowadays, we educate her by providing a wealth of abstract information. We energize her with every stimulating influence in her youth; then we expect her to channel that energy into the same peaceful routines that satisfied her great-grandmother! This creates one of the most painful scenes of modern times.
Here is a creature, inheriting the wide reach of the modern mind; that socially-developed mind begotten of centuries of broadest human intercourse; and, in our later years of diffused education, rapid transit, and dizzying spread of industrial processes, increasing its range and intensity with each generation. This tremendous engine, the healthy use of which requires contact with the whole field of social stimulus to keep up its supplies, and the whole field of social activity for free discharge, we expect to find peaceful expression in its own single house. There is of course a margin of escape—there must be.
Here is a creature, inheriting the vast reach of the modern mind; a socially developed mind born from centuries of extensive human interaction; and, in our recent years of widespread education, fast transportation, and rapid industrial growth, expanding its range and intensity with each generation. This powerful engine, which needs contact with the full spectrum of social stimulation to maintain its energy and the entire realm of social activity for a proper release, we expect to find peacefully expressed within its own single home. There is, of course, some room for escape—there has to be.
In earlier decades the suppressed activity of this growing creature either still found vent in some refined forms of household industry, as in the exquisite embroideries of our grandmothers, or frankly boiled over in "society." The insatiate passion of woman for "society" has puzzled her unthinking mate. He had society, the real society of large human activities; but he saw no reason why she should want any. She ought to be content at home, in the unbroken circle of the family. While the real labours of the house held her therein she stayed, content or not; but, free of those, she has reached out widely in such planes as were open to her, for social contact. As women, any number of women, failed to furnish any other stimulus than that she was already overfilled with—they being each and all mere ladies of houses—she was naturally more attracted to the more humanly developed creature, man.
In earlier decades, the repressed energy of this growing being either found expression in some refined forms of home-based work, like the beautiful embroideries made by our grandmothers, or erupted openly in "society." The relentless desire of women for "society" has baffled her oblivious partner. He had society—the real society of significant human activities—but he couldn’t understand why she wanted any of it. She should have been satisfied at home, within the unchanging family circle. As long as the real tasks of running the household kept her there, she stayed, whether she was happy or not; but when freed from those responsibilities, she eagerly sought broader social connections. Since the numerous women around her could only offer the same kind of stimulation she was already overwhelmed with—all of them merely housewives—she was naturally drawn to the more fully developed creature, man.
Man's power, his charm, for woman is far more than that of sex. It is the all-inclusive vital force of human life—of real social development. She has hung around him as devotedly as the cripple tags the athlete. When women have their own field of legitimate social activity, they retain their admiration for really noble manhood, but the "anybody, Good Lord!" petition is lost forever. A hint is perhaps suggested here, as to the world-old charm for women, of the priest and soldier. Both are forms of very wide social service—detached, impersonal, giving up life to the good of the whole—infinitely removed from the close clinging shadow of the house!
A man's power and appeal to women go far beyond just physical attraction. It's the all-encompassing energy of human life—true social progress. She has followed him as devotedly as a disabled person follows an athlete. When women have their own legitimate space in society, they still admire truly admirable men, but the "anyone will do" mindset fades away for good. This suggests something about the timeless appeal that priests and soldiers have for women. Both roles represent significant social service—detached and impersonal, dedicating their lives to the greater good—vastly different from the close, dependent nature of home life!
In our immediate time the progress of industry has cut the lady off from even her embroidery. Man, alert and inventive, follows her few remaining industries relentlessly, and grabs them from her, away from the house, into the mill and shop where they belong. But she, with ever idler hands, must stay behind. He will furnish her with everything her heart can wish—but she must stay right where she is and swallow it.
In our current era, the growth of industry has taken away even the lady's chance to do her embroidery. Men, quick and resourceful, relentlessly pursue her few remaining crafts, pulling them away from the home and placing them in factories and workshops where they belong. Meanwhile, she, with her increasingly idle hands, is left behind. He will provide her with everything she desires—but she must remain exactly where she is and accept it.
This amiable programme, so exquisitely ludicrous, when offered to the world's most inherently industrious worker, becomes as exquisitely cruel when applied. The physical energies of the mother—an enormous fund—denied natural expression in bodily exertion, work morbidly in manifold disease. The social energies, boundless, resistless, with which she is brought more in contact every year, denied natural expression in world-service, work morbidly inside the painfully inadequate limits of the house.
This friendly program, so ridiculously funny, when presented to the hardest-working person in the world, turns out to be incredibly harsh when put into practice. The physical energy of the mother—an immense reservoir—when denied the chance for natural physical activity, manifests itself in various illnesses. The social energy, vast and unstoppable, that she encounters more and more each year, when denied the opportunity for meaningful contribution to the world, festers painfully within the insufficient confines of the home.
Here we have the simple explanation of that unreasonable excess which characterises the lady of the house. The amount of wealth this amiable prisoner can consume in fanciful caprices is practically unlimited. Her clothing and ornament is a study in itself. Start any crazy fad or fashion in this field, and off goes the flood of self-indulgence, the craving for "expression," absurdity topping extravagance. There is nothing to check it save the collapse of the source of supplies.
Here we have a straightforward explanation of the unreasonable excess that defines the lady of the house. The amount of wealth this charming prisoner can spend on whimsical desires is practically limitless. Her clothing and accessories are a category all on their own. Start any ridiculous trend or fashion in this area, and off goes the wave of self-indulgence, the desire for "expression," with absurdity surpassing extravagance. The only thing that can stop it is if the source of funds runs out.
A modern "captain of industry" has a brain so socially developed as to require for its proper area of expression an enormous range of social service. He gets it. He develops great systems of transportation, elaborate processes of manufacture, complex legislation or financial manœuvres. Without reference to his purpose, to the money he may acquire, or the relative good or evil of his methods, the point to be noted is that he is exercising his full personal capacity.
A modern "captain of industry" has a socially developed mind that needs a wide range of social services to fully express itself. He achieves this. He creates extensive transportation systems, sophisticated manufacturing processes, intricate laws, or financial strategies. Regardless of his intentions, the money he might make, or whether his methods are good or bad, what’s important to note is that he is fully utilizing his personal potential.
His sister, his wife, has a similar possibility of brain activity, and practically no provision for its exercise. So great is the growth, so tremendous the pressure of live brains against dead conditions, that in our current life of to-day we find more and more women pouring wildly out into any and every form of combination and action, good, bad, and indifferent. The church sewing circle, fair, and donation party no longer satisfy her. The reception, dinner, ball, and musicale no longer satisfy her. Even the splendid freedom of physical exercise no longer satisfies her. More and more the necessity for full and legitimate social activity makes itself felt; and more and more she is coming out of the house to take her rightful place in the world.
His sister, his wife, has a similar potential for intellectual activity, but practically no opportunity to engage it. The demand is so strong, and the pressure of vibrant minds against stagnant conditions is so immense, that in our present-day life, we see an increasing number of women eagerly stepping into all kinds of activities—whether good, bad, or neutral. The church sewing circle, fairs, and donation events no longer fulfill her. Receptions, dinners, balls, and musicales no longer satisfy her. Even the excitement of physical exercise is no longer enough. The need for meaningful and legitimate social engagement is becoming more apparent, and she is increasingly stepping out of the home to claim her rightful place in the world.
Not easily is this accomplished, not cheaply and safely. She is breaking loose from the hardest shell that ever held immortal seed. She is held from within by every hardened layer of untouched instinct which has accumulated through the centuries; and she is opposed from without by such mountain ranges of prejudice as would be insurmountable if prejudice were made of anything real.
Not easily is this accomplished, not cheaply and safely. She is breaking free from the toughest shell that ever contained immortal potential. She is held back from within by every tough layer of untouched instinct that has built up over the centuries; and she is confronted from the outside by such huge mountains of prejudice that would be impossible to overcome if prejudice were made of anything substantial.
The obsequious terror of a child, cowed by the nurse's bugaboo, is more reasonable than our docile acquiescence in the bonds of prejudice. It is pleasantly funny, knowing the real freedom so easily possible, to see a strong, full-grown woman solemnly state that she cannot pass the wall of cloudy grandeur with Mrs. Grundy for gate-keeper, that seems to hem her in so solidly. First one and then another reaches out a courageous hand against this towering barricade, touches it, shakes it, finds it not fact at all, but merely feeling—and passes calmly through. There is really nothing to prevent the woman of to-day from coming out of her old shell; and there is much to injure her, if she stays in.
The fearful obedience of a child, intimidated by the nurse's scary tales, is more understandable than our willing acceptance of the chains of prejudice. It's almost amusing, knowing how easily real freedom can be achieved, to see a strong, grown woman earnestly claim that she can't break through the imposing wall of judgment with Mrs. Grundy as the gatekeeper, which seems to confine her so tightly. One after another, people bravely reach out to challenge this towering barrier, touch it, shake it, discover that it’s not a reality but just a feeling—and step right through. There’s really nothing stopping the modern woman from breaking out of her old shell; and there’s a lot that can hurt her if she stays trapped.
The widespread nervous disorders among our leisure-class women are mainly traceable to this unchanging mould, which presses ever more cruelly upon the growing life. Health and happiness depend on smooth fulfilment of function, and the functional ability of a modern woman can by no means be exercised in this ancient coop.
The common anxiety issues among our privileged women mostly stem from this rigid mold, which increasingly restricts their development. Good health and happiness rely on a seamless execution of purpose, and a modern woman's ability to function cannot possibly thrive in this outdated cage.
The effect of the lady of the house upon her husband is worth special study. He thinks he likes that kind of woman, he stoutly refuses to consider any other kind; and yet his very general discontent in her society has been the theme of all observers for all time. In our time it has reached such prominence as to be commented upon even in that first brief halcyon period, the "honeymoon." Punch had a piteous cartoon of a new-married pair, sitting bored and weary on the beach, during their wedding journey. "Don't you wish some friend would come along?" said she. "Yes," he answered—"or even an enemy!"
The impact of the lady of the house on her husband deserves special attention. He believes he enjoys that type of woman and strongly rejects considering any other type; yet, his overall dissatisfaction in her company has been noted by everyone throughout history. In our time, it's become so noticeable that even during that initial blissful period, the "honeymoon," it's been commented on. Punch featured a sad cartoon of a newly married couple, looking bored and tired on the beach during their wedding trip. "Don't you wish some friend would come along?" she asked. "Yes," he replied—"or even an enemy!"
Men have accepted the insufficiencies and disagreeablenesses of "female society" as being due to "the disabilities of sex." They are not, being really due to the disability of the house-bound. Love may lead a man to "marry his housekeeper," and we condemn the misalliance; but he makes a housekeeper of his wife without criticism. The misalliance is still there.
Men have accepted the shortcomings and unpleasantness of "female society" as a result of "the limitations of being female." In reality, they stem from the limitations of being confined to the home. Love may lead a man to "marry his housekeeper," and we criticize that mismatch; yet he turns his wife into a housekeeper without any backlash. The mismatch is still present.
A man, a healthy, well-placed man, has his position in the world and in the home, and finds happiness in both. He loves his wife, she meets his requirements as a husband, and he expects nothing more of her. His other requirements he meets in other ways. That she cannot give him this, that, and the other form of companionship, exercise, gratification, is no ground of blame; the world outside does that. So the man goes smoothly on, and when the woman is uncertain, capricious, exacting, he lays it to her being a woman, and lets it go at that.
A man, a healthy, established man, knows his place in the world and at home, and finds joy in both. He loves his wife, she fulfills his expectations as a partner, and he doesn’t ask for anything more. He satisfies his other needs in different ways. The fact that she can’t provide him with certain forms of companionship, activity, or fulfillment is not her fault; the outside world takes care of that. So the man carries on smoothly, and when the woman is uncertain, unpredictable, or demanding, he chalks it up to her being a woman, and moves on.
But she, for all field of exertion, has but this house; for all kinds of companionship, this husband. He stands between her and the world, he has elected to represent it to her, to be "all the world" to her. Now, no man that ever lived, no series or combination of husbands that widowhood or polyandry ever achieved can be equivalent to the world. The man needs the wife and has her—needs the world and has it. The woman needs the husband—and has him; needs the world—and there is the husband instead. He stands between her and the world, with the best of intentions, doubtless; but a poor substitute for full human life.
But she, despite all her efforts, has only this house; for all forms of companionship, this husband. He stands between her and the world; he has chosen to be her representation of it, to be "everything" to her. Now, no man who has ever lived, no combination of husbands that widowhood or polyandry has ever produced, can equal the world. The man needs his wife and has her—needs the world and has it. The woman needs her husband—and has him; needs the world—and instead, there is her husband. He stands between her and the world, with the best of intentions, no doubt; but he is a poor substitute for a complete human life.
"What else should she want?" he inquires in genuine amazement. "I love her, I am kind to her, I provide a good home for her—she has her children and she has me—what else should she want?"
"What else could she want?" he asks in genuine disbelief. "I love her, I'm good to her, I give her a nice home—she has her kids and she has me—what more could she want?"
What else does he want? He has her—the home and the children—does that suffice him? He wants also the human world to move freely in, to act fully in, to live widely in, and so does she.
What else does he want? He has her—the home and the kids—doesn’t that satisfy him? He also wants the freedom to move through the world, to act fully, to live broadly, and so does she.
And because she cannot have it, because he stands there in its stead, she demands of him the satisfaction of all these thwarted human instincts. She does not know what ails her. She thinks he does not love her enough; that if he only loved her enough, stayed with her enough, she would be satisfied. No man can sit down and love a woman eighteen hours a day, not actively. He does love her, all the time, in a perfectly reasonable way, but he has something else to do.
And because she can't have it, because he is there instead, she expects him to fulfill all those frustrated human instincts. She doesn't understand what's bothering her. She believes he doesn't love her enough; that if he only loved her enough and spent more time with her, she'd be satisfied. No man can just sit and love a woman for eighteen hours a day, not actively. He does love her all the time, in a perfectly reasonable way, but he has other things to take care of.
He loves her for good and all; it is in the bank, to draw on for the rest of life, a steady, unfailing supply; but she wants to see it and hear it and feel it all the time, like the miser of old who "made a bath of his gold and rolled in it."
He loves her completely; it's a guaranteed source of affection for the rest of their lives, a constant and reliable supply. But she needs to see it, hear it, and feel it all the time, like the old miser who "made a bath of his gold and rolled in it."
The most glaring type of this unfortunate state of mind in recent fiction is that of the morbid Marna in the "Confessions of a Wife"—a vivid expression of what it is to be a highly-concentrated, double-distilled wife—and nothing else! No shadow of interest had she in life except this man; no duty, no pleasure, no use, no ambition, no religion, no business—nothing whatever but one embodied demand for her Man. He was indeed all the world to her—and he didn't like it.
The most obvious example of this unfortunate mindset in recent fiction is Marna in "Confessions of a Wife"—a striking portrayal of what it means to be a completely absorbed, overly dependent wife—and nothing more! She had no interest in anything in life except for this man; no responsibilities, no joy, no purpose, no goals, no faith, no work—nothing at all except her singular need for her Man. He truly meant everything to her—and he wasn't fond of it.
If the woman was fully developed on the human side she would cease to be overdeveloped on the feminine side. If she had her fair share of world-life she would expect of her husband that he be a satisfactory man, but not that he be a satisfactory world, which is quite beyond him. Cannot men see how deeply benefited they would be by this change, this growth of woman? She would still be woman, beautiful, faithful, loving; but she would not be so greedy, either for money or for love.
If the woman fully embraced her humanity, she would stop being overemphasized in her femininity. If she had her fair share of life experiences, she would expect her husband to be a decent person, but not to be her entire world, which is unrealistic. Can’t men see how much better off they would be with this change, this evolution of women? She would still be a woman, beautiful, loyal, and loving; but she wouldn’t be so desperate for money or for love.
The lady of the house may be most softly beautiful, she may be utterly devoted, she may be unutterably appealing; but all her centuries of cherished existence have but brought us to Punch's "Advice to Those About to Marry": "Don't!"
The woman of the house may be incredibly beautiful, she may be completely devoted, she may be irresistibly charming; but all her years of treasured existence have only led us to Punch's "Advice to Those About to Marry": "Don't!"
The world's incessant complaint of marriage, mockery of marriage, resistance, outbreak, and default, gives heavy proof that that great human institution has serious defects. The blame has generally been laid on man. Suppose we now examine the other fact, the equal factor, and see if there is not some essential error in her position. This might furnish a wide field of study in the leisure hours of The Lady of the House.
The constant complaints about marriage, its mockery, resistance, outbreaks, and failures provide strong evidence that this important human institution has serious flaws. The blame has usually been placed on men. Now, let’s look at the other side, the equal factor, and see if there’s some fundamental issue in her role. This could offer a significant area of study during The Lady of the House's free time.
XII
KID AT HOME
There are upon earth many millions of people—most of them children. Mankind has been continuous upon earth for millions of years; children have been equally continuous. Children constitute a permanent class, the largest class in the population. There are men, there are women, there are children, and the children outnumber the adults by three to two.
There are millions of people on Earth—most of whom are children. Humanity has existed on Earth for millions of years, and children have always been a part of that. Children make up a permanent group, the largest group in the population. There are men, there are women, there are children, and the children outnumber the adults by three to two.
In the order of nature, all things give way before the laws and processes of reproduction; the individual is sacrificed to the race. Natural forces, working through the unconscious submission of the animal, tend steadily to improve a species through its young.
In the natural world, everything yields to the laws and processes of reproduction; the individual is sacrificed for the sake of the species. Natural forces, operating through the instinctive actions of animals, steadily work to enhance a species through its offspring.
Social forces, working through our conscious system of education, tend to improve our species through its young. Humanity is developed age after age through a gradual improvement in its children; and since we have seen this and learned somewhat to assist nature by art, humanity develops more quickly and smoothly.
Social forces, operating through our education system, aim to enhance our species by shaping its youth. Humanity evolves over the ages through the gradual improvement of its children; and as we've observed this and learned to help nature through our efforts, humanity develops more efficiently and consistently.
Every generation brings us more close to recognition of this great basic law, finds us more willing to follow nature's principle and bend all our energies to the best development of the child. We early learned to multiply our power and wisdom by transmission through speech, and, applying that process to the child, we taught him what we knew, saving to humanity millennial periods of evolution by this conscious short-cut through education.
Every generation gets us closer to recognizing this fundamental law, making us more willing to embrace nature's principles and focus all our efforts on the best development of the child. We learned early on to enhance our power and knowledge through communication, and by using that method with children, we taught them what we knew, saving humanity thousands of years of evolution by this intentional shortcut through education.
Nature's way of teaching is a very crude one—mere wholesale capital punishment. She kills off the erring without explanation. They die without knowing what for, and the survivors don't know, either. We, by education, markedly assist nature, transmitting quick knowledge from mouth to mouth, as well as slow tendency from generation to generation. More and more we learn to collect race-improvement and transmit it to the child, the most swift and easy method of social progress. To-day, more than ever before, are our best minds giving attention to this vital problem—how to make better people. How to make better bodies and better minds, better tendencies, better habits, better ideas—this is the study of the modern educator.
Nature's way of teaching is pretty harsh—just straight-up execution. She eliminates those who make mistakes without any explanation. They die not knowing why, and the ones left behind are just as clueless. We help nature by providing education, passing along quick knowledge from one person to another, as well as slower trends from one generation to the next. We're increasingly learning how to improve our race and pass that knowledge on to children, which is the fastest and easiest way to advance society. Nowadays, more than ever, our brightest minds are focused on this critical issue—how to create better individuals. How to develop better bodies and minds, better behaviors, better habits, better ideas—this is what modern educators study.
Slowly we have learned that the best methods of education are more in modifying influence than in transmitted facts; that, as the proverb puts it, "example is better than precept." The modifying influences of social environment have deeper and surer effect on the human race than any others, and that effect is strongest on the young. Therefore, we attach great importance to what we call the "bringing up" of children, and we are right. The education of the little child, through the influences of its early environment, is the most important process of human life.
Slowly, we've come to understand that the best ways to educate are more about shaping influences than just passing on facts; as the saying goes, "example is better than advice." The impact of social environment has a deeper and more reliable effect on humanity than anything else, and this effect is particularly strong on the young. That's why we place so much importance on what we refer to as the "raising" of children, and we're right to do so. The education of a young child, influenced by their early surroundings, is the most crucial process in human life.
Whatever progress we make in art and science, in manufacture and commerce, is of no permanent importance unless it modifies humanity for the better. That a race of apes should live by agriculture, manufacture, and commerce is inconceivable. They would cease to be apes by so living; but, if they could, those processes would be of no value, the product being only apes. We are here to grow, to become a higher and better kind of people. Every process of life is valuable in proportion to its contributing to our improvement, and the process that most contributes to our improvement is the most important of human life. That process is the education of the child, and that education includes all the influences which reach him, the active efforts of parent and teacher, the unconscious influence of all associates, and the passive effect of the physical environment.
Whatever progress we make in art and science, in manufacturing and commerce, is of no lasting importance unless it improves humanity. It's hard to imagine a race of apes thriving on agriculture, manufacturing, and commerce. They would stop being apes if they lived that way; but, if they could, those activities would mean nothing, as the result would still just be apes. We are here to grow and evolve into a higher and better version of ourselves. Every aspect of life is valuable to the extent that it helps us improve, and the one that contributes most to our growth is the most significant part of human existence. That process is the education of the child, and that education encompasses all the influences that reach them: the active efforts of parents and teachers, the indirect influence of peers, and the passive effect of the environment around them.
All these forces, during the most impressionable years of childhood, and most of them during the whole period, are centered in the home. The home is by all means the most active factor in the education of the child. This we know well. This we believe devoutly. This we accept without reservation or inquiry, seeing the power of home influences, and never presuming to question their merit.
All these influences, especially during the crucial years of childhood, and most of them throughout that time, are focused in the home. The home is definitely the most important factor in a child's education. We understand this clearly. We believe it wholeheartedly. We accept it without doubt or question, recognizing the strength of home influences, and never thinking to challenge their value.
In our general contented home-worship we seem to think that a home—any home—is in itself competent to do all that is necessary for the right rearing of children. Or, if we discriminate at all, if we dare admit by referring to "a good home" that there are bad ones—we then hold all the more firmly that the usual type of "a good home" is the perfect environment for a child. If this dogma is questioned, our only alternative is to contrast the state of the child without a home to that of the child with one. The orphan, the foundling, the neglected child of the street is contrasted with the well-fed and comfortably clothed darling of the household, and we relapse into our profound conviction that the home is all right.
In our general contentment with home life, we tend to believe that a home—any home—is capable of providing everything necessary for raising children correctly. Or, if we do distinguish between types of homes—if we dare to acknowledge that some homes are bad when referring to "a good home"—we cling even more tightly to the idea that the typical "good home" is the ideal environment for a child. If this belief is challenged, our only response is to compare the condition of a child without a home to that of a child with one. We contrast the orphan, the abandoned child, and the neglected street kid with the well-fed and comfortably dressed darling of the household, and we fall back into our deep-seated belief that home life is just fine.
Again the reader is asked to put screws on the feelings and use the reason for a little while. Let us examine both the child and the home, with new eyes, seeing eyes, and consider if there is no room for improvement. And first, to soothe the ruffled spirit and quiet alarm, let it be here stated in good set terms that the author does NOT advocate "separating the child from the mother," or depriving it of the home. Mother and child can never be "separated" in any such sense as these unreasoning terrors suggest. The child has as much right to the home as anyone—more, for it was originated for his good. The point raised is, whether the home, as it now is, is the best and only environment for children, and, further, whether the home as an environment for children cannot be improved.
Once again, the reader is encouraged to set aside emotions for a moment and think logically. Let's take a fresh look at both the child and the home and see if there’s space for improvement. To calm any worries and ease concerns, it's important to clarify that the author does NOT support "separating the child from the mother" or taking the child away from the home. Mother and child can never truly be "separated" in the way that these irrational fears suggest. The child has as much right to the home as anyone else—actually, even more, since it was created for their well-being. The question at hand is whether the current home environment is truly the best and only one for children, and whether it can be improved.
What is a child? The young of the human species. First, a young animal, whose physical life must be conserved and brought to full development. Then, a young human, whose psychical life, the human life, must be similarly cared for.
What is a child? The young of the human species. First, a young animal whose physical life needs to be protected and fully developed. Then, a young human whose mental and emotional well-being, the human experience, must be nurtured in the same way.
How does the home stand as regards either branch of development? In what way is it specifically prepared for the use, enjoyment, and benefit of a child? First, as to the structure of the thing, the house. We build houses for ourselves, modifying them somewhat according to climate, position, and so on. How do we modify them for children? What is there in the make-up of any ordinary house designed to please, instruct, educate, and generally benefit a child? In so far as he shares our own physical needs for shelter and convenience he is benefited; but, as a child, with his own specific necessities, desires, and limitations, what has the architect planned for the child—what have the mason and carpenter built for the child? Is there anything in the size and proportion, the material, the internal arrangement, the finish and decoration, to hint of the existence of children on earth?
How does a home accommodate either aspect of development? In what ways is it specifically designed for the use, enjoyment, and benefit of a child? First, let’s talk about the structure of the house. We build houses for ourselves, making adjustments based on things like climate and location. How do we adapt them for children? What features of an ordinary house are intended to please, educate, and benefit a child? While a child shares our basic needs for shelter and comfort, they also have their own specific needs, wants, and limitations. What has the architect created for the child—what have the builder and carpenter constructed for them? Is there anything in the size, proportions, materials, layout, finishing, or decoration that shows the presence of children in the world?
The most that we find, in the most favoured houses, is "a sunny nursery." In one home of a thousand we find one room out of a dozen planned for children. What sort of an allowance is this for the largest class of citizens? Suppose our homes had, among the more expensive ones, one room for the adult family to flock into, and all the rest was built and arranged for children! We should think ourselves somewhat neglected in such an arrangement. But we are not as numerous as our children, nor as important; and, in any case, the home belongs to the child; he is the cause of its being; it is for him, hypothetically, that we marry and start a home.
The most we usually see in the best homes is "a bright nursery." In one out of a thousand homes, we find just one room out of a dozen designed for kids. What kind of allowance is that for the biggest group of citizens? Imagine if, among the more expensive homes, there was one room for adults to gather in, and everything else was designed for children! We would feel pretty overlooked in such a setup. But we aren’t as numerous as our kids, or as significant; and in any case, the home belongs to the child; they are the reason it exists; it’s for them, theoretically, that we get married and start a family.
What, then, is the explanation of this lack of special provision for the real founder of the home? This utter unsuitability of the house to the child, and the child to the house, finds its crowning expression in our cities, where house-owners refuse to let their houses to families with children! What are houses for? What are homes for? For children, first, last, and always! How, then, have we come to this vanishing point of absurdity? What paradoxical gulf stretches between these houses where "no children need apply" and the rest of the houses. There is no visible difference in their plans and construction. No houses are built for children; and these particular landlords simply accent the fact, and try to limit the use of the house to the persons for whom it was intended—the adults.
What’s the reason for this lack of special consideration for the true creator of the home? The complete mismatch between the house and the child—and the child and the house—reaches its peak in our cities, where homeowners refuse to rent their places to families with kids! What are houses for? What are homes for? They’re meant for children, always and forever! How did we end up at this ridiculous point? What strange divide exists between these houses where “no children allowed” and the other homes? There is no visible difference in their plans and construction. No houses are designed with children in mind; these particular landlords just highlight that fact and try to restrict the use of the house to the people it was meant for—the adults.
What is there in the presence of children in a house to alarm the owner? "They are so destructive," he will tell you; "they are mischievous, they are noisy. Other tenants object to them. They injure the house when old enough to run about, and squall objectionably when babies." All this is true enough. Most babies are a source of distress to their immediate neighbours because of their painful wailing, and most little children continue to cause distress by their noise in play and shrieks under punishment. Is all this outcry necessary? Must the poor baby suffer by night and day; must the small child bang and yell, and must it be punished so frequently? Why is the process of getting acclimated to the world so difficult and agonising? Is there really no way that the experience of all the ages may be turned to account to facilitate the first years of a child's life?
What is it about having kids in a house that worries the owner? "They’re so destructive," they'll say; "they’re mischievous and loud. Other tenants complain about them. They damage the house once they’re old enough to run around, and they scream annoyingly when they’re babies." That’s all true. Most babies really distress their neighbors with their painful crying, and most little kids continue to cause trouble with their loud play and shouts when they’re punished. Is all this noise really necessary? Must the poor baby suffer day and night; must the little kid bang and yell, and be punished so often? Why is adapting to the world such a difficult and painful process? Is there no way to use the lessons from the past to help make those early years of a child’s life easier?
Our behaviour to the child rests on several assumptions which are, at least, not proven. We assume that he has to be sick. We assume that he has to be naughty. We assume that life is hard and unpleasant, anyway, and that, the sooner he learns this and gets broken into it, the better. There is no more reason why a child should be sick than a calf or colt. Infancy is tender, and needs care, but it is not a disease. The Egyptian mother loves her baby, no doubt, though it goes blind through her ignorance and neglect—she knows nothing of ophthalmia, and lets the flies crawl over its helpless face, even while she loves it. We scorn and pity her ignorance, but we accept the colic, disorders of teething, and all the train of "preventable diseases" which kill off our babies, precisely as she accepts ophthalmia.
Our behavior towards the child is based on several assumptions that aren't really proven. We assume that he must be sick. We assume that he has to be difficult. We assume that life is tough and unpleasant, and that the sooner he learns this and gets used to it, the better. There's no more reason for a child to be sick than for a calf or a foal. Childhood is delicate and needs care, but it’s not an illness. The Egyptian mother loves her baby, no doubt, even though it becomes blind due to her ignorance and neglect—she doesn't know anything about eye infections and lets flies crawl over its defenseless face, even while she loves it. We look down on and pity her ignorance, yet we accept colic, teething problems, and all the preventable diseases that take our babies, just like she accepts eye infections.
We have not learned yet how to make a baby the happy, contented, smoothly developing little animal that he should be. Some of us do better than others, but the knowledge of one is no gain to the rest, being confined to one family. Slowly the wider human care, the larger love, the broader knowledge, of doctor, nurse, and teacher are penetrating the innermost fortress of the home, and teaching the mother how to care for the child. The home did not teach her, and never would. In the untouched homes of ancient Eastern races, countless generations of mothers transmit the same traditional mistakes, love in the same blind way, and weep the same loss as unprofitably as they did ten thousand years ago.
We haven't figured out how to raise a baby to be the happy, well-adjusted, smoothly developing little person they should be. Some parents do better than others, but what one learns doesn't benefit everyone, as it's limited to just one family. Gradually, broader human care, greater love, and more extensive knowledge from doctors, nurses, and teachers are breaking into the inner sanctum of home life, teaching mothers how to care for their children. The home never taught her, and it never would. In the untouched homes of ancient Eastern cultures, countless generations of mothers pass down the same traditional mistakes, love in the same unseeing way, and grieve the same losses just as fruitlessly as they did ten thousand years ago.
In the homes of civilised races, where the light of social progress is most fully felt, we see the most improvement; but even here the pressure of growing knowledge is still combated by the jealous arrogance of the untaught mother, and the measureless inertia of the home.
In the homes of civilized societies, where the light of social progress is most prominent, we see the most improvement; but even here, the pressure of increasing knowledge is still challenged by the jealous pride of the uneducated mother and the overwhelming inertia of the household.
In plain fact, what does the average home offer to the newcomer, the utterly defenceless baby, the all-important Coming Generation? See physical conditions first. To what sort of world is the new soul introduced? To a place built and furnished for several mixed and conflicting industries; not to a place planned for babies—aired, lighted, heated, coloured, and kept quiet to suit the young brain and body; but a building meant for a number of grown people to cook in, sweep and dust in, wash and iron in, cut and sew in, eat and wash dishes in, see their friends in, dress, undress, and sleep in; and incidentally, in the cracks and crevices of all these varied goings on, to "bring up" children in.
In reality, what does the average home provide for the newcomer, the completely defenseless baby, the crucial Next Generation? Let's look at the physical conditions first. What kind of world is this new soul entering? It's a place built and furnished for various mixed and conflicting industries, not a space designed for babies—fresh air, light, warmth, color, and calm tailored for the young mind and body. Instead, it's a building meant for several adults to cook, clean, do laundry, sew, eat, wash dishes, entertain friends, change clothes, and sleep in; and only in the midst of all these activities, it's expected to also "raise" children.
In that very small percentage of families where a nursery is arranged for children, and a nurse and a nursery-governess do deputy service for the always alleged "mother's care," we find some provision made for children; but of what sort? This deputy is inferior to the mother, save in a certain rule-of-thumb experience which enables her to "manage children." Her knowledge of infant hygiene is not much greater, nor of infant psychology. Look, for instance, at the babies of our richer classes, as we see them continually in the streets and parks. Our only alternative from the home is the street, we having as yet no place for our babies. If near a park so much the better, but in general the sidewalk must serve, for rich or poor.
In the small number of families that set up a nursery for their kids, with a nurse and a nursery governess stepping in for the supposed "mother's care," there is some provision made for the children; but what kind is it? This substitute is not as good as the mother, except for some practical experience that helps her "handle kids." Her understanding of infant hygiene isn't much better, nor does she know much about infant psychology. Just look at the babies from our wealthier classes, as we often see them out in the streets and parks. Our only option outside the home is the street, as we still don’t have a proper place for our babies. If there’s a park nearby, that's great, but usually, the sidewalk has to do, whether you're rich or poor.
As one immediate physical condition, examine the dress of these babies and young children; this among parents of wealth, and, presumably, intelligence. See the baby in the perambulator so rolled and bedded in, so tucked and strapped, that he cannot move anything but perhaps a stiffly projecting arm. Think of an adult cocooned in this manner, unable to roll, stir, turn, in any way relieve the pressure or change the attitude. And, when you have considered the sensations of a tough and patient adult frame, think further of those of a soft, tender, active, and impatient baby body.
As an immediate physical condition, look at how these babies and young children are dressed; this is among wealthy parents, who are presumably also intelligent. Picture the baby in the stroller, so bundled and padded, so tucked and strapped, that he can barely move anything except maybe a stiff arm. Imagine an adult wrapped up like this, unable to roll, shift, or change position in any way to relieve pressure. And when you consider the feelings of a strong and resilient adult body, think even more about those of a soft, delicate, active, and restive baby body.
The dress of a baby or little child bears no relation to his immediate comfort or to the needs of his incessant growth. Among our wisest parents there is to-day a new custom, happily increasing, of barefoot freedom, of dirt-proof overalls, of a chance for beautiful, unconscious growth; but this does not reach the vast majority of suffering little ones. It does not spread because of the seclusion and irresponsible dominance of the separate home; and further—because of the low-grade intelligence of the home-bound mother.
The clothes that a baby or small child wears have nothing to do with their comfort or the needs of their constant growth. Among our most informed parents today, there’s a growing trend towards letting kids go barefoot, wearing dirt-proof overalls, and allowing for natural, carefree growth. However, this doesn't reach most of the struggling little ones. It hasn’t spread because of the isolation and the unchecked control of individual households; and also—because of the limited understanding of mothers who stay at home.
She whose condition of arrested development makes her unquestioningly submit to the distortion, constriction, weight, and profusion of fashion in clothing for her own body, is not likely to show much sense in dressing a child. Beautiful fabrics, rich textures, expensive adornments, she heaps upon it. She wishes it to look pretty, according to her barbaric taste; and she disfigures the grave, sweet beauty of a baby face, the lovely moving curves of the little body, with heavy masses of stiff cloth, starched frippery, and huge, nodding, gaily decorated hats that would please an Ashantee warrior.
She, whose lack of personal growth makes her blindly follow the overwhelming influence of fashion on her own body, is unlikely to have much sense when it comes to dressing a child. She piles on beautiful fabrics, rich textures, and expensive accessories. She wants it to look pretty, based on her crude taste; and she ruins the serious, sweet beauty of a baby’s face and the lovely, delicate curves of a little body with heavy, stiff clothing, excessive embellishments, and large, flashy hats that would appeal to an Ashantee warrior.
If some cartoonist would give us a copy of the Sistine Mother and Child in the costume of our mothers and children, showing those immortal cherub faces blinking obliquely from under flopping hat brims and rich plumes, perhaps we might in sudden shocked perception see with what coarse irreverence we disfigure our blessed little ones.
If a cartoonist could create a version of the Sistine Mother and Child dressed like our moms and kids, with those iconic cherub faces peeking out from under floppy hat brims and fancy feathers, maybe we would suddenly realize just how disrespectfully we alter the appearance of our precious little ones.
The child does not find in the home any assurance of health, beauty, or free growth. He, and especially she, must wear the dainty garments on which our misguided mother love so wastefully lavishes itself; and must then be restricted in all natural exercise lest they be torn or soiled. To dress a little child so that he may be perfectly comfortable, and grow in absolute freedom, has not occurred to the home-bound mother.
The child doesn’t find any reassurance of health, beauty, or free growth in the home. He, and especially she, has to wear the delicate clothes that our misplaced maternal love spends so carelessly on; and must then be limited in all natural activities so they aren’t torn or stained. It hasn’t even crossed the mind of the mother stuck at home to dress a little child in a way that lets them be completely comfortable and grow freely.
Neither has she learned how to feed it. If the home is the best place for children, if the home is the best place for the preparation of food, would it not seem as if in all these long, long years we might have evolved some system of feeding little children so as to keep them at least alive—to say nothing of their being healthy?
Neither has she learned how to feed it. If home is the best place for children, and if home is the best place for preparing food, wouldn’t it seem that over all these long years we might have developed some way of feeding little children to at least keep them alive—not to mention keeping them healthy?
The animal mother, guided by her unspoiled instinct, does manage to feed her young, and to teach it how to feed itself. The human mother, long since cut off from that poor primitive guidance, and proudly refusing to put knowledge in its place, feeds the baby in accordance with her revered domestic traditions, and calls in the doctor to remedy her mistakes. One man, in Buffalo, has recently saved fifteen hundred babies in a year, lowering the annual death rate by that amount, by public distribution of directions for preparing milk. He was not a mother. He was not shut up in a home. He studied and he taught in the light of public progress, in a growing world; and succeeded in filtering some of this saving knowledge into the darkness of fifteen hundred homes.
The animal mother, guided by her natural instincts, manages to feed her young and teach it how to feed itself. The human mother, long disconnected from that basic, primitive guidance, and proudly refusing to replace knowledge with tradition, feeds her baby according to her cherished family customs and calls in the doctor to fix her mistakes. Recently, one man in Buffalo saved fifteen hundred babies in a year, significantly reducing the annual death rate by distributing instructions for preparing milk. He wasn't a mother. He wasn't confined to a home. He studied and taught based on public advancements in a developing world, successfully sharing this vital knowledge with fifteen hundred families.
The average child is not fed properly; and there is nothing in the home to teach the mother how. She must learn outside, but she is not willing to. She still believes, and her husband with her, in the infallible power of "a mother's love" and "a mother's care"; and our babies are buried by thousands and thousands without our learning anything by the continual sacrifice. This is owing to the isolation of the home. If there were any general knowledge, general custom, association, comparison; if mothers considered their enormous responsibility as a class, instead of merely as individuals, this could not be. Knowledge and experience have to be gathered by wide and prolonged study; they do not come by an infinite repetition of the same private experiments.
The average child isn't properly nourished, and there's nothing in the home to show the mother how to do it. She has to learn elsewhere, but she isn't willing to. She and her husband still believe in the unquestionable power of "a mother's love" and "a mother's care"; meanwhile, our babies are being lost by the thousands, and we aren't learning anything from these ongoing sacrifices. This is due to the isolation of the home. If there were any shared knowledge, common practices, or opportunities for mothers to compare notes, and if they recognized their immense responsibility as a group instead of just as individuals, this wouldn't be happening. Knowledge and experience need to be gained through broad and lengthy study; they don’t come from endlessly repeating the same personal trials.
We have to-day the first stirring of this great multitude of separately concealed experimenters toward that association and exchange of view, that carefully recorded observation, that reasonable study, which are necessary for any human advance. Our mothers are beginning to come out of their isolation into normal human contact; to take that first step toward wisdom—the acknowledgment of ignorance; and to study what little is known of this new science, Child-culture.
We are seeing today the first movement of this large group of individual experimenters towards collaboration and sharing ideas, careful observation, and thoughtful study, all of which are essential for any progress. Our mothers are starting to break out of their isolation and engage in regular human interactions; they are taking that first step towards wisdom—the recognition of what they don't know; and they are exploring the little that is known about this new field, Child-culture.
But it is only a beginning, very scant and small, and ridiculed unmercifully by the great slow dead-weight of the majority. The position of the satirist of modern motherhood is a safe and easy one. To ally one's self with the great mass of present humanity, and the far greater mass of the past, of all our hoary and revered traditions, and to direct this combined weight against the first movement of a new idea—this is an old game. Humanity has thus resisted every step of its own progress; but, though it makes that progress difficult and slow, it cannot wholly prevent it.
But this is just the beginning, very limited and small, and mercilessly mocked by the overwhelming majority. The role of the critic of modern motherhood is a comfortable and straightforward one. Aligning oneself with the vast majority of today’s society, and the even larger majority of the past, all of our ancient and respected traditions, and using this collective weight to push against the emergence of a new idea—this is a familiar tactic. Humanity has always resisted every step of its own progress; however, while it makes that progress challenging and slow, it can't completely stop it.
If the home and the home-bound mother do not ensure right food or clothing for the child, what do they offer in safety, and in the increasing educational influence which early environment must have? As to safety—the shelter of the home—we have already seen that even to the adult the home offers no protection from the main dangers of our time: disease, crime, and fire or other accident. The child not only shares these common dangers, but is more exposed to them, owing to more absolute confinement to the home and greater susceptibility. Whatever we suffer from sewer-gas, carbonic dioxide, or microbes and bacteria, the child suffers more.
If the home and the stay-at-home mother don't provide proper food or clothing for the child, what do they offer in terms of safety and the growing educational impact that early surroundings must have? As for safety—the protection of home—we've already established that even adults don't find much safety from the main dangers of our time: disease, crime, and fires or other accidents. The child not only faces these common risks but is also more vulnerable to them, due to being more confined to the home and having greater sensitivity. Whatever issues we face from sewer gas, carbon dioxide, or germs and bacteria, the child is affected even more.
He breathes the dust of our carpets, and eats it if we do not watch him. "I can't take my eyes off that child one minute," cries the admiring mamma, "or he'll be sure to put something in his mouth!" That a perfectly clean place might be prepared for a creeping baby, where there was nothing whatever he could put in his mouth, has never occurred to her. The child shares and more than shares every danger of the home, and furthermore suffers an endless list of accidents peculiar to his limitations. Even our dull nerves are roused to some sort of response by the terrible frequency of accidents to little children.
He breathes in the dust from our carpets and will eat it if we don’t keep an eye on him. “I can’t take my eyes off that kid for one minute,” exclaims the proud mom, “or he’s definitely going to put something in his mouth!” The thought of creating a perfectly clean space for a crawling baby, where there’s nothing for him to put in his mouth, has never crossed her mind. The child faces all the dangers of the home, plus he deals with a long list of accidents that come with his age and limitations. Even our dull nerves are stirred to some degree by how often little kids have accidents.
I have here a number, taken from one newspaper in one city during one year; not exhaustive daily scrutiny either; merely a casual collection:
I have a number here, taken from one newspaper in one city over the course of a year; it's not a thorough daily analysis either; just a casual gathering:
"Mother and Baby Both Badly Burned." A three-year-old baby this—a match, a little night-dress flaming, struggle, torture, death! "Choked in Mother's Arms" is the next one; the divine instinct of Maternity giving a two-year-old child half a filbert to eat. It was remarked in the item that the "desolate couple" had lost two other little ones within two months. It did not state whether the two others were accidentally murdered by a mother's care.
"Mother and Baby Both Badly Burned." A three-year-old kid—this—a match, a tiny nightgown catching fire, struggling, suffering, dying! "Choked in Mother's Arms" is the next one; the natural instinct of motherhood giving a two-year-old child half a hazelnut to eat. The article mentioned that the "desolate couple" had lost two other little ones in just two months. It didn't say whether the other two were accidentally harmed by a mother's care.
"Child's Game Proved Fatal" is the next. Three-years-old twins were these; "playing fire engine in the parlour while their mother prepared the midday meal."
"Child's Game Proved Fatal" is the next. Three-year-old twins were "playing fire engine in the living room while their mom made lunch."
One climbed on the table and lit a newspaper at a gas jet, and set fire to the other. It is then related "Both children cried out, but their mother, thinking they were only playing, did not hasten to find what was the matter." "The child died at 3 P.M." is the conclusion.
One climbed onto the table and lit a newspaper at a gas jet, then set fire to the other. It's noted, "Both children cried out, but their mother, thinking they were just playing, didn't rush to see what was wrong." "The child died at 3 P.M." is the conclusion.
"Accidentally Killed His Baby" follows. The fond father, holding his two-year-old son on his knee, shot and killed him with a revolver "which he believed to be empty."
"Accidentally Killed His Baby" follows. The loving father, with his two-year-old son on his knee, shot and killed him with a revolver "that he thought was empty."
"Escaping Gas Kills Baby"—"Boy Has Cent in His Throat"—"Insane Mother's Crime"—"Drowns her Eight-year-old Daughter"—and here a doctor says, "It would be an excellent idea for every family to have a little book giving briefly prompt antidotes for various poisons. Physicians know that there are scores of cases of accidental poisoning never heard of outside the family concerned. I've had several cases of poisoning by an accidental dose of chloroform and aconite liniment, and one woman gave her child muriatic acid that was kept for cleaning the marbles."
"Escaping Gas Kills Baby"—"Boy Has a Penny in His Throat"—"Insane Mother's Crime"—"Drowns Her Eight-Year-Old Daughter"—and here a doctor says, "It would be a great idea for every family to have a small book that briefly lists quick antidotes for different poisons. Doctors know there are many cases of accidental poisoning that never get reported outside the family involved. I've seen several cases of poisoning from an accidental dose of chloroform and aconite liniment, and one woman gave her child muriatic acid that was stored for cleaning marbles."
Another "Mother and Child Burned"—"Child Scratched by a 60-foot Fall"—(this one was saved by striking several clothes-lines after she fell out of the window)—"Kitten was Life Preserver"—another fall out of a window, but the child was holding a kitten, and her head struck on it—so only the kitten was smashed.
Another "Mother and Child Burned"—"Child Scratched by a 60-foot Fall"—(this one was saved by hitting several clotheslines after she fell out of the window)—"Kitten was Life Preserver"—another fall out of a window, but the child was holding a kitten, and her head landed on it—so only the kitten was smashed.
"A Governor's Child badly Hurt"—"will probably prove fatal," this was a two-story drop over a staircase; and shows that it is not only in the homes of the poor that these things happen. Another "Baby Burned" follows—this poor little one was left strapped into its carriage, and set fire to by an enterprising little brother.
"A Governor's Child Seriously Injured"—"will likely be fatal," this was a two-story fall down a staircase; and it demonstrates that these incidents occur not just in the homes of the less fortunate. Another "Baby Burned" follows—this unfortunate child was left strapped into their stroller and was set on fire by a resourceful little brother.
"Tiny Singer Fell Dead" describes a five-year-old boy as singing a selection from "Cavalleria Rusticana" as a means of entertaining a party of young friends—and burst a blood-vessel in the brain. Then there is a story of a grisly murder in which a tiny child testifies as to seeing her father kill her mother; the child was not hurt—physically. And then a bit of negative evidence quite striking in its way, describing "The Mother of Twenty-five Children" and incidentally stating "of these only three sons and four daughters are now living." Seven out of twenty-five does not seem a large proportion to survive the perils of the home.
"Tiny Singer Fell Dead" tells the story of a five-year-old boy who sings a piece from "Cavalleria Rusticana" to entertain a group of young friends—and ends up bursting a blood vessel in his brain. Then, there's a disturbing tale of a murder where a small child witnesses her father killing her mother; the child wasn’t hurt—at least not physically. There's also some striking negative evidence regarding "The Mother of Twenty-five Children," which notes that "of these only three sons and four daughters are now living." Losing seven out of twenty-five doesn’t seem like a good survival rate in a household.
These are a few, a very few, instances of extreme injury and death. They are as nothing to the wide-spread similar facts we do not hear of; and as less than nothing to the list of minor accidents to which little children are constantly exposed in the shelter of the home. We bar our windows and gate our stairs in some cases; but our principal reliance is on an unending watchfulness and a system of rigid discipline. "Children need constant care!" we maintain; and "A child must be taught to mind instantly, for its own protection." A child is not a self-acting poison or explosive. If he were in an absolutely safe place he might be free for long, bright, blessed hours from the glaring Argus-eyed watchfulness which is so intense an irritant. Convicts under sentence of death are in their last hours kept under surveillance like this, lest they take their own lives. Partly lest the child injure himself among the many dangers of the home, and partly lest he injure its frail and costly contents, he grows up under "constant watching." If this is remitted, he "gets into mischief" very promptly. "Mischief" is our broad term for the natural interaction of a child and a home. The inquiry of the young mind, and the activity of the young body, finding no proper provision made for them, inevitably fall foul of our complicated utensils, furniture, and decorations, and what should be a normal exercise becomes "mischief."
These are just a few, very few, cases of severe injury and death. They mean almost nothing compared to the many similar incidents we don’t hear about; and they are even less significant when considering the list of minor accidents that little kids are constantly exposed to even while at home. We sometimes secure our windows and lock our stairs, but mostly we rely on constant vigilance and strict discipline. “Kids need constant care!” we insist; and “A child must be taught to listen immediately, for their own safety.” A child isn’t an automatic danger or explosive. If they were in a completely safe environment, they could enjoy long, bright, blissful hours away from the intense, watchful eyes that can be so aggravating. Death row inmates are closely watched in their final hours to prevent them from taking their own lives. Partly because the child might hurt themselves amid the home’s many hazards, and partly to protect its delicate and valuable belongings, they grow up under "constant surveillance." If this is relaxed, they quickly find trouble. "Trouble" is our broad term for the natural interactions between a child and a home. The curiosity of a young mind and the energy of a young body, lacking proper outlets, inevitably clash with our complex tools, furniture, and decorations, turning what should be normal exploration into "trouble."
Our chapter of accidents here leads us to the great underlying field of education. Say that the child lives to grow up, during these wholly home-bound years; in spite of wrong clothing, wrong feeding, and the many perils we fatuously call "incident to babyhood" (when they are only incident to our lack of proper provision for babyhood). If he battles through his infancy and early childhood successfully, what has he gained from his early environment in education? What are the main facts of life, as impressed upon every growing child by his home surroundings?
Our chapter on accidents here takes us to the important topic of education. Let’s say that a child makes it through their homebound years; despite improper clothing, poor nutrition, and the many dangers we foolishly refer to as "part of being a baby" (when they really stem from our failure to provide adequately for babies). If he successfully navigates his infancy and early childhood, what has he learned from his early environment about education? What are the key lessons about life that are shaped for every growing child by their home surroundings?
The principal fact is eating. This he learns perforce by seeing his mother spending half her time on that one business; by seeing so much house-space given to it; by the constant arrival of food supplies, meat, groceries, milk, ice, and the rest; and excursions to get them. The instincts of early savagery, which every child has to grow through, are heavily reinforced by the engrossing food-processes of the home.
The main thing is eating. He learns this simply by watching his mother spend half her time on that one task; by seeing how much space in the house is dedicated to it; by the constant delivery of food supplies—meat, groceries, milk, ice, and more; and by the trips made to get them. The natural instincts of early childhood, which every kid has to go through, are strongly influenced by the captivating food processes at home.
They do not necessarily please him or her, either. The child does not grow up with a burning ambition to be a cook. Whether the ever-present kitchen business was run by the mother or by a servant, it was not run joyously and proudly; nor was it run in such wise as to really teach the child the principles of hygiene in food-values and preparation. If the family is a wealthy one the child is not allowed in the kitchen perhaps, but is the more impressed by the complicated machinery of the dining-room, and that elaborate cult of special "manners" used in this sacred service of the body. Thus and thus must he eat, and thus handle his utensils; and if the years and the tears spent in acquiring these Eleusinian mysteries make due impression on the fresh brain tissue, then we may expect to find the human being more impressed by the art of eating than by any other.
They don’t necessarily make him or her happy, either. The child doesn’t grow up dreaming of becoming a cook. Whether the kitchen duties were handled by the mother or a servant, they weren't done with joy and pride; nor were they organized in a way that genuinely taught the child about hygiene, food value, and preparation. If the family is wealthy, the child might not be allowed in the kitchen at all but is instead more influenced by the complicated setup of the dining room and the elaborate etiquette associated with this sacred act of eating. This is how he must eat, and this is how he should handle his utensils; and if the years spent learning these complex rituals leave an impression on the young mind, then we can expect that the individual will be more affected by the art of eating than anything else.
And so we do find him. The children of the kitchen are differently affected from the children of the dining-room. These last, of our "upper classes," receive the indelible stamp of the tri-daily ritual, and go through the rest of life thinking more highly of "table manners" than of any other line of conduct, for the reason that they were more incessantly, thoroughly, and importunately taught that code than any other. To handle a fork properly is insisted upon far more imperatively than to properly handle a temper.
And so we find him. The kids from the kitchen are affected differently than the kids from the dining room. The latter, from our "upper classes," carry the lasting mark of the three daily meals and go through life placing more importance on "table manners" than on any other behavior because they were taught that code more consistently, thoroughly, and insistently than anything else. Using a fork correctly is emphasized far more strongly than managing one’s temper.
The principal business of the home being the care of the body, and this accomplished through these archaic domestic industries, the unending up-current of young life, which should so steadily purify and uplift the world, in every generation is steeped anew in this exaggeration of physical needs and caprices.
The main focus of the home is taking care of the body, and this is done through these outdated domestic tasks. The constant flow of young life, which should continuously purify and elevate the world in every generation, is repeatedly caught up in this overemphasis on physical needs and desires.
Beyond the overwhelming cares of the table the other home industries involve the care and replenishment of furniture and clothes. Hour after hour, day after day, the child sees his mother devoting her entire life to attendance upon these things—the daily cleaning, the weekly cleaning, the spring and fall cleaning, the sewing and mending at all times.
Beyond the countless worries of meal preparation, the other household tasks include taking care of furniture and clothing. Hour after hour, day after day, the child watches as their mother dedicates her entire life to managing these duties—the daily cleaning, the weekly cleaning, the seasonal cleaning, and the constant sewing and mending.
These things must be done, by some people, somewhere; but must they be done by all people, that is by all women, the people who surround the child, and all the time? Must the child always associate womanhood with house-service; and assume, necessarily assume, that the main business of life is to be clean, well-dressed, and eat in a proper manner?
These things need to be done by some people, somewhere; but do they have to be done by everyone, meaning all women, those who are around the child, all the time? Does the child always have to connect being a woman with housework and automatically think that the main purpose of life is to stay clean, dress nicely, and eat properly?
If the mother is not herself the house-servant—what else is she? What does the growing brain gather of the true proportions of life from his dining-room-and-parlour mamma? Her main care, and talk, is still that of food and clothes; and partly that of "entertainment," which means more food and more clothes.
If the mother isn’t the one taking care of the house, then what is she? What does the developing mind really understand about life from a mom who spends her time in the dining room and living room? Her main focus and conversations revolve around food and clothing; and to some extent, she’s also concerned with “entertainment,” which translates to even more food and more clothing.
Can we not by one daring burst of effort imagine a home where there was still the father and mother love, still the comfort, convenience, and beauty we so enjoy, still the sweet union of the family group, and yet no kitchen? Perhaps even, in some remote dream, no dining-room? Where the mother was a wise, strong, efficient human being, interested in and working for the progress of humanity; and giving to her baby, in these sweet hours of companionship, some true sense of what life is for and how it works. No, we cannot imagine it, most of us. We really cannot. We are so indelibly kitchen-bred, or dining-room-bred, that mother means cook, or at least housekeeper, to our minds; and family means dinner-table.
Can we not, with one bold effort, picture a home where there’s still a loving father and mother, still the comfort, convenience, and beauty we enjoy, still the sweet unity of the family group, and yet no kitchen? Maybe even, in some distant dream, no dining room? Where the mother is a wise, strong, capable person, engaged in and striving for the betterment of humanity; and sharing with her baby, in these precious moments together, a true understanding of what life is about and how it works. No, most of us can’t imagine that. We really can’t. We are so deeply shaped by kitchens or dining rooms that “mother” means “cook,” or at least “housekeeper,” to us; and “family” means “dinner table.”
So grows the child in the home. In the school he learns something of social values, in the church something, in the street something; from his father, who is a real factor in society, something; but in the home he learns by inexorably repeated impressions of every day and hour, that life, this deep, new, thrilling mystery of life consists mainly of eating and sleeping, of the making and wearing of clothes. We are irresistibly reminded of the strange text, "Take no thought of what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink or wherewithal ye shall be clothed." A little difficult to follow this command when mother does nothing else!
So the child grows up in the home. In school, he picks up some social values; at church, he learns a bit more; in the street, he gains experience; and from his father, who actively participates in society, he gets some lessons too. But at home, he learns through the constant and repeated experiences of every day and hour that life, this deep, new, exciting mystery, mainly revolves around eating and sleeping and making and wearing clothes. It brings to mind the strange saying, "Don't worry about what you will eat or drink or what you will wear." It's a bit hard to follow that advice when mom is focused on nothing else!
XIII
The Girl at Home
What is the position of the home toward us in youth? We have seen something of its effect upon the child, the wholly helpless child, who knows no other place or power. We have seen something of its effect upon the woman in her life-long confinement there. Between childhood and maturity comes youth; holding what is left of the child's pure heart and vivid hopes, and what begins to stir of man's or woman's power. The gain of a race, if there is a gain, must make itself felt in youth—more strength, more growth, more beauty, a larger conscience, a sounder judgment, a more efficient will.
What is the role of home for us during our youth? We've observed its impact on the completely helpless child, who knows no other place or authority. We've also noted its effect on women who spend their entire lives there. Youth falls between childhood and adulthood; it retains what remains of the child's innocent heart and bright hopes while beginning to awaken the potential of a man or woman. If there is any progress for a society, it should be evident in youth—more strength, more growth, more beauty, a broader sense of right and wrong, clearer judgment, and a more effective will.
Each new generation must improve upon its parents; else the world stands still or retrogrades. In this most vivid period of life how does the home meet the needs of the growing soul? The boy largely escapes it. He is freer, even in childhood; the more resistant and combative nature, the greater impatience of pain, makes the young male far harder to coerce. He sees his father always going out, and early learns to view the home from a sex-basis, as the proper place for women and children, and to push incessantly to get away from it.
Each new generation has to build on what their parents did; otherwise, the world either stagnates or moves backward. In this vibrant stage of life, how does the home address the needs of a developing soul? The boy mostly manages to escape it. He has more freedom, even as a child; his more resilient and confrontational nature, along with his greater intolerance for pain, makes the young male much harder to control. He sees his father constantly leaving and quickly learns to see the home as a place meant for women and children, pushing to get away from it as much as possible.
From boy to boy in the alluring summer evenings we hear the cry, "Come on out and have some fun!" Vainly we strive and strive anew to "keep the boys at home." It cannot be done. Fortunately for us it cannot be done. We dread to have them leave it, and with good reason, for well we know there is no proper place for children in the so long unmothered world; but even in danger and temptation they learn something, and those who struggle through their youth unscathed make better men than if they had been always softly shielded in the home.
From boy to boy on those tempting summer evenings, we hear the call, "Come on out and have some fun!" We desperately try over and over again to "keep the boys at home." But it can't be done. Fortunately for us, it can't be done. We worry about them leaving, and for good reason, because we know there isn’t a proper place for kids in this long-neglected world; yet even amidst danger and temptation, they learn something, and those who make it through their youth unscathed become better men than if they had been constantly cocooned at home.
The world is the real field of action for humanity. So far humanity has been well-nigh wholly masculine; and the boy, feeling his humanity, pushes out into his natural field, the world. He learns and learns, from contact with his kind. He learns about all sorts of machinery, all manner of trades and businesses. He has companions above him and below him and beside him, the wide human contact in which we grow so rapidly. If he is in the city he knows the city, if he is in the country he knows the country, far more fully than his sister. A thousand influences reach him that never come to her, formative influences, good and bad, that modify character. He has far less of tutelage, espionage, restraint; he has more freedom by daylight, and he alone has any freedom after dark. All the sweet, mysterious voices of the night, the rich, soft whisperings of fragrant summer, when the moon talks and the young soul answers; the glittering, keen silence of winter nights, when between blue-black star-pointed space and the level shine of the snow stands but one living thing—yourself—all this is cut off from the girl. The real intimacy with nature comes to the soul alone, and the poor, over-handled girl soul never has it.
The world is the true playground for humanity. Up until now, humanity has mostly been male; and the boy, aware of his humanity, ventures out into his natural environment, the world. He learns continuously from interacting with others. He picks up all sorts of skills, various trades, and businesses. He has companions above him, below him, and beside him, engaging in the broad human connections through which we grow so quickly. If he’s in the city, he knows the city; if he’s in the countryside, he knows the countryside, much more thoroughly than his sister. Countless influences shape him that never reach her—formative influences, both good and bad, that alter character. He experiences far less supervision, scrutiny, and restriction; he enjoys more freedom during the day, and he’s the only one with any freedom at night. All the sweet, mysterious sounds of the night, the soft whispers of fragrant summer, when the moon speaks and the young soul responds; the sparkling, crisp silence of winter nights, when amidst a blue-black sea of stars and the smooth glimmer of snow, only one living thing exists—yourself—all this is denied to the girl. The real connection with nature is experienced by the soul alone, and the poor, over-protected girl’s soul never gets to have it.
In some few cases, isolated and enviable, she may have this common human privilege, but not enough to count. She must be guarded in the only place of safety, the home. Guarded from what? From men. From the womanless men who may be prowling about while all women stay at home. The home is safe because women are there. Out of doors is unsafe because women are not there. If women were there, everywhere, in the world which belongs to them as much as to men, then everywhere would be safe. We try to make the women safe in the home, and keep them there; to make the world safe for women and children has not occurred to us. So the boy grows, in the world as far as he can reach it, and the girl does not grow equally, being confined to the home. In very recent years, within one scant century, we are letting the girls go to school, even to college. They pour out into the larger field and fill it at once. Their human faculties have some chance to grow as well as the over-emphasised feminine ones; and in our schools and colleges youth of both sexes finds the room, stimulus, and exercise it could not find at home.
In a few rare cases, she might have this common human right, but not enough to really matter. She has to be protected in the only safe place, the home. Protected from what? From men. From the men without women who might be lurking around while all women stay at home. The home is safe because women are inside. Outside isn’t safe because women aren’t there. If women were everywhere, in a world that belongs to them just as much as it does to men, then everywhere would be safe. We try to keep women safe in the home and keep them there; it hasn't occurred to us to make the world safe for women and children. So the boy grows as much as he can in the outside world, while the girl doesn't grow as much, being stuck at home. In very recent years, over the last century, we’ve started letting girls go to school, even to college. They rush into the broader field and populate it immediately. Their human abilities get a chance to develop alongside the over-emphasized feminine ones; and in our schools and colleges, youth of both genders find the space, motivation, and experience they couldn’t find at home.
The boy who does not go to college goes to business, to work in some way. To find an able-bodied intelligent boy in a home between breakfast and supper would argue a broken leg. But girls we find by thousands and thousands; "helping mother," if mother does the work; and if there are servants to do the work, the girl does—what?
The boy who doesn't go to college goes into business or gets a job in some way. Finding a capable, smart boy at home between breakfast and dinner would suggest something was wrong. But girls are everywhere, "helping mom," if mom is doing the work; and if there are servants to handle the work, what does the girl do?
What is the occupation of the daughter of the house? Let us suppose her to be healthy. Let us suppose her to have a fair share of ability and education. She has no longer the school or the college, she has only the home. Not that she is physically confined there. She may go out by daylight, giving careful account of her steps, and visit other girls in their homes. She may receive visits, both from girls and boys; and she may go out continually to all manner of entertainments. Perhaps she is expected to dust the parlour, to arrange the flowers, to "keep up her music." She has enough to eat, enough and more than enough to wear; but what exercise has she for body or brain? Perhaps in games and dances she keeps her body active—but what sort of occupation is that for a young human creature of this century, a creature of power? The young woman has the same race inheritance of ability, the same large brain-growth, as the man. The physical improvement of our times is reflected in them too; fine stalwart girls we see, tall, straight, broad-shouldered. She has had, in specific education, the same mental training as the boy.
What does the daughter of the house do? Let’s say she’s healthy. Let’s say she has a decent amount of talent and education. She no longer has school or college; her only option is home. Not that she’s stuck there physically. She can go out during the day, being careful about where she goes, and visit other girls at their homes. She can host visits from both girls and boys, and she can attend all kinds of events. Maybe she’s expected to clean the living room, arrange the flowers, and keep up with her music. She has enough food and plenty of clothes, but what kind of exercise does she get for her body or mind? Perhaps in games and dances, she stays physically active—but what kind of work is that for a young person in this century, a person with potential? The young woman has inherited the same abilities and has the same large brain development as men. The physical advancements of our time are evident in them as well; we see strong, tall, straight, broad-shouldered girls. She has received the same specific education and mental training as boys.
How would her brother be content with a day's work of dusting the parlour and arranging the flowers; of calling and being called on? Amusement is good, sometimes necessary; best and most necessary to the tired, unhappy, and overworked. But youth—healthy, happy, and vigorous, full of the press of unused power and the accumulating ambition of all the centuries—why should youth waste its splendour in such unsatisfying ways?
How could her brother be satisfied with just a day's job of cleaning the living room and arranging the flowers, or with visiting friends and having them visit him? Fun is great, and sometimes essential; it’s especially important for those who are tired, unhappy, and overworked. But youth—strong, joyful, and full of energy, brimming with potential and the ambitions of generations—why should young people waste their brilliance on such unfulfilling activities?
If you ask the father, he will merely say that it is the proper position for a girl; he is "able to support her," she does not "have to work," she can amuse herself, and as for a field for her abilities—she will find that in her own home when she is married. Ask her mother—and she will tell you, making a sad confession all unknowingly—"let her enjoy herself now; she will have care enough later." There is a tacit agreement that girls shall have all the "good time" possible while they are girls, that they may have it to remember! Does this "good time" satisfy the girl? Is she happy in her father's home, just passing the time till she moves into her husband's?
If you ask the father, he'll just say that it's the right role for a girl; he can "support her," she doesn't "have to work," she can enjoy herself, and as for a way to use her skills—she'll find that in her own home when she gets married. Ask her mother—and she'll tell you, with a sad confession without realizing it—"let her have fun now; she'll have plenty of responsibilities later." There's an unspoken agreement that girls should have all the "good times" they can while they're young, so they have something to look back on! But does this "good time" really make the girl happy? Is she content in her father's house, just biding her time until she moves into her husband's?
Sometimes she is. Her education has been strong to make her so. The home atmosphere of predominant clothes and food has been about her from the cradle, and she still has clothes and food, and may elaborate them without limit. She may devote as much time to the adornment of the table as she wishes; and if her inclination take her also to the kitchen, perhaps even to the cooking school, that is more than well. She may also devote herself to the parlour and its adornment; but most naturally of all to the adornment of her own young body—all these are proper functions of the home. She may love and serve her immediate dear ones also, to any extent; that is the basic principle of it all, that is occupation enough for any girl. Yes, there is occupation enough as far as filling time goes; but how if it does not satisfy? How if the girl wants something else to do—something definite, something developing?
Sometimes she is. Her education has been strong enough to make her that way. The home environment filled with specific types of clothes and food has been around her since she was born, and she still has access to clothes and food, with no limits on how she can enhance them. She can spend as much time as she wants decorating the table, and if she feels drawn to the kitchen or even to cooking school, that’s more than welcome. She can also immerse herself in the living room and its decor; but most naturally, she focuses on enhancing her own young body—all of these are appropriate roles within the home. She can love and care for her close family members as much as she likes; that is the fundamental idea behind it all, and that is enough work for any girl. Yes, there's plenty to keep her occupied in terms of passing the time; but what if it doesn’t bring satisfaction? What if she seeks something more—something concrete, something that encourages growth?
This is deprecated by the family. "Work" is held by all to be a thing no mortal soul should do unless compelled by want. We speak sadly, tenderly, of the poor girl whose father died and left her unprovided for, wherefore "she had to work." We have not learned to see that some kind of work is necessary to all human creatures to use their powers; not mere tread-mill repetition of small, useless things, but such range of action as shall exercise all the faculties. And least of all have we learned to see that a human soul, to be healthy, must love and care for more than its own blood relations.
This view is outdated according to the family. "Work" is commonly seen as something no one should do unless forced by necessity. We speak sadly and with compassion about the poor girl whose father passed away and left her without support, and therefore "she had to work." We haven't realized yet that some form of work is essential for all people to use their abilities; not just monotonous tasks that feel pointless, but a variety of activities that engage all our skills. And even more importantly, we haven't understood that a healthy human soul needs to love and care for more than just its own family.
What the girl, as a normal human being, wants is full exercise in large social relation; things to think about, feel, and do, which do not in any way concern the home. Race-babyhood may be content at home—it was first made for babies. But as we grow up into our modern human range of power, no home can or ought to content us. We need not, therefore, cease to love it, need not neglect or ignore it. We simply need something more. That is the great lack which keeps girlhood unsatisfied; the call of the human soul for its full field of action, the world. We try to meet this lack by a surfeit of supplies for lower needs.
What the girl, as a normal person, wants is to fully engage in large social interactions; experiences to think about, feel, and do that have nothing to do with home. While young children might be satisfied at home since it was initially designed for them, as we grow into the broader possibilities of life, no home can or should completely fulfill us. We don’t have to stop loving it or disregard it; we just need more. That’s the significant gap that leaves girlhood unfulfilled—the longing of the human spirit for its full range of experiences in the world. We attempt to address this gap by overwhelming ourselves with excessive provisions for lesser needs.
Since we first began to force upon our girl baby's astonished and resisting brain the fact that she was a girl; since we curbed her liberty by clothing and ornament calculated only to emphasise the fact of sex, and by restrictions of decorum based upon the same precocious distinction, we have never relaxed the pressure. As if we feared that there might be some mistake, that she was not really a girl but would grow up a boy if we looked the other way, we diligently strove to enforce and increase her femininity by every possible means. So by the time her womanhood does come it finds every encouragement, and the humanhood which should predominate we have restricted and forbidden. Moreover, whatever of real humanness she does manifest we persist in regarding as feminine.
Since we first started impressing upon our little girl’s amazed and resisting mind that she was a girl; since we limited her freedom by dressing her in clothes and accessories designed solely to highlight her gender, and by imposing rules of behavior rooted in that same early distinction, we have never eased up. As if we worried that there might be some confusion, that she wasn’t really a girl but would somehow grow up as a boy if we looked the other way, we worked hard to enforce and amplify her femininity by every possible means. So by the time her womanhood arrives, it finds every support, while the humanity that should take priority has been restricted and forbidden. Furthermore, any real sense of humanness she does show, we still insist on seeing as feminine.
For instance, the girl wants friends, social contact. She cannot satisfy this want in normal lines of work, in the natural contact of the busy world, so she tries to meet it on the one plane allowed—in what we call "Society." Her own life being starved, she seeks to touch other lives as far and fast as possible. Next to doing things one's self is the association with others who can do them. So the girl reaches out for friends. Women friends can give her little; their lives are empty as her own, their talk is of the same worn themes—their point of view either the kitchen or the parlour. Therefore she finds most good in men friends; they are human, they are doing something. All this is set down to mere feminine "desire to attract"; we expect it, and we provide for it. Our "social" machinery is largely devoted to "bringing young people together"; not in any common work, in large human interests, but in such decorated idleness, with music, perfume, and dance, as shall best minister to the only forces we are willing to promote.
For example, the girl wants friends, social interaction. She can't meet this need through regular work or the natural connections of the busy world, so she tries to fulfill it in the one area she can—what we call "Society." Since her own life feels unfulfilled, she reaches out to connect with others quickly and widely. Next to doing things herself, being around others who can do them is important. So the girl seeks out friends. Female friends offer little; their lives are as unfulfilling as hers, and their conversations revolve around the same tired topics—their perspectives limited to the kitchen or the living room. Therefore, she finds more value in male friends; they are more dynamic, they are involved in activities. All of this is often dismissed as just feminine "desire to attract"; we expect it and accommodate it. Our "social" structure is mostly focused on "bringing young people together"; not for collaborative work or shared human interests but for decorated leisure, featuring music, fragrance, and dancing that cater to the only influences we're willing to support.
Is the girl satisfied? Is it really what she wants, all she wants? If she were a Circassian slave, perhaps it would do. For the daughter of free, active, intelligent, modern America it does not do; and therefore our girls in ever-increasing numbers are leaving home. It is not that they do not love their homes; not that they do not want homes of their own in due season; it is the protest of every healthy human soul against the-home-and-nothing-else.
Is the girl satisfied? Is this really what she wants, all she wants? If she were a Circassian slave, maybe it would be enough. But for the daughter of free, active, intelligent, modern America, it’s not enough; and that’s why more and more of our girls are leaving home. It’s not that they don’t love their homes or that they don’t want homes of their own eventually; it’s the instinctive rebellion of every healthy human soul against the idea of the-home-and-nothing-else.
Our poorer girls are going into mills and shops, our richer ones into arts and professions, or some educational and philanthropic work. We oppose this proof of racial growth and vitality by various economic fallacies about "taking the bread out of other women's mouths"—and in especial claim that it is "competing with men," "lowering wages" and the like. We talk also, in the same breath, or the next one, about "the God-given right to work"—and know not what we mean by that great phrase.
Our less fortunate girls are working in factories and stores, while the more privileged ones are pursuing careers in the arts and various professions, or engaging in educational and charitable activities. We criticize this evidence of our racial progress and strength with different economic misconceptions about "taking food out of other women's mouths"—particularly arguing that it's "competing with men," "driving down wages," and so on. We also mention, sometimes in the same breath or the next, about "the God-given right to work"—yet we don’t fully understand what we mean by that powerful phrase.
To work is not only a right, it is a duty. To work to the full capacity of one's powers is necessary for human development. It is no benefit to a human being to keep him, or her, in down-wrapped idleness, it is a gross injury. If a man could afford to put daughters and wife to bed and have them fed and washed like babies, would that be a kindness? "They do not have to walk!" he might say. Yes, they do have to, else would their muscles weaken and shrink, and beauty and health disappear. For the health and beauty of the body it must have full exercise. For the health and beauty of the mind it must have full exercise. No normal human mind can find full exercise in dusting the parlour and arranging the flowers; no, nor in twelve hours of nerve-exhaustion in the kitchen. Exhaustion is not exercise.
To work is not just a right; it’s also a responsibility. Working to the best of one’s abilities is essential for personal growth. Keeping someone in a state of complete inactivity is not beneficial; it’s actually a serious harm. If a man could afford to let his daughters and wife stay in bed and be taken care of like babies, would that really be kind? "They don’t have to walk!" he might argue. But yes, they do need to move, or else their muscles will weaken and atrophy, diminishing their beauty and health. For our physical health and beauty, we need to be active. The same goes for mental health and beauty; both require engagement. No average mind can find complete fulfillment in just dusting the living room or arranging flowers, nor through twelve hours of exhausting work in the kitchen. Exhaustion isn’t the same as exercise.
"But they are free to study—to read, to improve their minds!" we protest. Minds are not vats to be filled eternally with more and ever more supplies. It is use, large, free, sufficient use that the mind requires, not mere information. Our college girls have vast supplies of knowledge; how can they use it in the home? Could a college boy apply his education appropriately to "keeping house"—and, if not, how can the girl? Full use of one's best faculties—this is health and happiness for both man and woman.
"But they are free to study—to read and expand their minds!" we protest. Minds aren’t containers to be endlessly filled with more and more facts. It’s application, broad, free, and substantial application that the mind needs, not just information. Our college women have a wealth of knowledge; how can they apply it at home? Can a college man effectively use his education for "running a household"—and if he can’t, how can the woman? Fully utilizing one's best abilities—this is what brings health and happiness to both men and women.
But how about those other people's wages?—will be urged. Productive labour adds to the wealth of the world, it does not take away. If wealth were a fixed quantity, shared carefully among a lot of struggling beggars, then every new beggar would decrease the other's share.
But what about the wages of others?—it will be argued. Productive work increases the world's wealth; it doesn't reduce it. If wealth were a fixed amount, divided carefully among a group of struggling beggars, then every new beggar would lessen the share of the others.
To work is to give, not to beg. Every worker adds to the world's wealth, increases everyone's share. Of course there are people whose "work" is not of value to anyone; who simply use their power and skill to get other people's money away from them; the less of these the better. That is not productive labour. But so long as we see to it that the work we do is worth more than the pay we get, our consciences may be clean; we give to the world and rob no one. As to the immediate facts that may be alleged, "overcrowded labour market," "over-production," and such bugaboos, these are only facts as watered stock and stolen franchises are facts; not economic laws, but criminal practices. A temporary superficial error in economic conduct need not blind us to permanent basic truth, and the truth which concerns us here is that a human creature must work for the health and power and pleasure of it; and that all good work enriches the world.
To work is to give, not to beg. Every worker contributes to the world's wealth, increasing everyone's share. Of course, there are people whose "work" isn't valuable to anyone and who simply use their power and skills to take money from others; the fewer of these, the better. That isn't productive labor. But as long as we ensure that the work we do is worth more than the pay we receive, our consciences can be clear; we give to the world and rob no one. As for the immediate issues that might be mentioned, like "overcrowded labor market," "over-production," and such fears, these are just facts like watered stock and stolen franchises; they aren't economic laws, but criminal practices. A temporary mistake in economic behavior shouldn't blind us to the lasting basic truth, and that truth is that a human being needs to work for the health, strength, and joy of it; and that all good work enriches the world.
So the girl need not stay at home and content her soul with chocolate drops lest some other girl lose bread. She may butter that bread and share the confections, by her labour, if it be productive. And by wise working she may learn to see how unwise and how unnecessary are the very conditions which now hold her back. At present she is generally held back. Her father will not allow her to work. Her mother needs her at home. So she stays a while longer. If she marries, she passes out of this chapter, becoming, without let or change, "the lady of the house." If she does not marry, what then? What has father or mother, sister or brother, to offer to the unmarried woman? What is the home to her who has no "home of her own"?
So the girl doesn't have to stay at home and just fill her soul with chocolate candies to avoid making another girl go hungry. She can earn that bread and share the treats through her own work if she's productive. By working wisely, she can realize how foolish and unnecessary the very conditions are that currently hold her back. Right now, she is generally held back. Her dad won’t let her work. Her mom needs her at home. So she stays a little longer. If she gets married, she moves on from this chapter, becoming, without any change, "the lady of the house." But what if she doesn’t marry? What do her father or mother, sister or brother, have to offer to the unmarried woman? What is home to someone who doesn’t have a "home of her own"?
The wife and mother has a real base in her home: distorted and overgrown though it may have become, away in at the centre lies the everlasting founder—in the little child. Unnecessary as are the mother's labours now, they were once necessary, they have a base of underlying truth. But what real place has a grown woman of twenty-five and upwards in anyone else's home? She is not a child, and not a mother. The initial reason for being at home is not there. What business has she in it? The claim of filial devotion is usually advanced to meet this question. Her parents need her. And here comes out in glaring colours the distinction between girl and boy, between man's and woman's labour.
The wife and mother has a real foundation in her home: even if it’s become chaotic and overgrown, at the center lies the eternal source—the little child. While the mother’s efforts might seem unnecessary now, they were once vital; they have an underlying truth. But what real place does a grown woman of twenty-five or older have in someone else’s home? She is neither a child nor a mother. The original reason for being at home is no longer there. What purpose does she serve? The argument of family obligation is often brought up to answer this question. Her parents need her. And here we see the clear difference between girls and boys, between the work of men and women.
Whatever of filial gratitude, love, and service is owed to the parent is equally owed by boy and girl. If there is a difference it should be on the boy's side, as he is more trouble when little and less assistance in the house when big. Now, what is the accepted duty of the boy to the parents, when they are old, feeble, sick, or poor? First, to maintain them, that is, to provide for them the necessaries of life and as much more as he can compass. Then, to procure for them service and nursing, if need be. Also himself to bestow affection and respect, and such part of his time as he can spare from the labour required to maintain them. This labour he performs like a civilised man, by the service of other people in some specialised industry; and his ability to care for his parents is measured by his ability to perform that larger service.
Whatever gratitude, love, and help are owed to parents are equally owed by both boys and girls. If there's any difference, it should be on the boy's side, as he tends to be more trouble when he's young and less helpful around the house when he grows up. So, what are the expected responsibilities of a son towards his parents when they are old, frail, sick, or struggling financially? First, he should support them, meaning he needs to provide for their basic needs and as much more as he can manage. Next, he should arrange for any necessary care and nursing if needed. He should also show them love and respect, along with whatever time he can spare from the work he puts in to support them. This work he does like a responsible adult, by employing the help of others in a specialized job; his ability to care for his parents is measured by how well he can perform that broader responsibility.
What is the accepted duty of the girl to the parents in like case? She is required to stay at home and wait upon them with her own hands, serve them personally, nurse them personally, give all her time and strength to them, and this in the old, old uncivilised way, with the best of intentions, but a degree of ability measured by the lowest of averages.
What is the expected responsibility of a girl to her parents in similar situations? She is expected to stay home and take care of them herself, serve them directly, nurse them personally, and devote all her time and energy to them, all in a very traditional and outdated manner, with good intentions but a level of skill that’s just barely average.
It is the duty of the child to care for the infirm parent—that is not questioned; but how? Why, in one way, by one child, and in so different a way by another? The duty is precisely the same; why is the manner of fulfilling it so different? If the sick and aged mother has a capable son to support her, he provides for her a house, clothing, food, a nurse, and a servant. If she has but a daughter, that daughter can only furnish the nurse and servant in her own person, skilled or unskilled as the case may be; and both of them are a charge upon the other relatives or the community for the necessaries of life. Why does not the equally capable daughter do more to support her parent when it is necessary? She cannot, if she is herself the nurse and servant. Why does she have to be herself the nurse and servant? Because she has been always kept at home and denied the opportunity to take up some trade or profession by which she could have at once supported herself, her parents, and done good service in the world. Because "the home is the place for women," and in the home is neither social service nor self-support.
It’s the child's responsibility to take care of the sick parent—that's not up for debate; but how? One child does it one way, while another does it completely differently. The responsibility is exactly the same; so why is the method of carrying it out so different? If the sick and elderly mother has a capable son, he provides her with a place to live, clothes, food, a caregiver, and a housekeeper. If she only has a daughter, that daughter can just provide care and housekeeping herself, whether she’s skilled or not; and both of them rely on other family members or the community for basic living necessities. Why doesn't the equally capable daughter do more to support her parent when it's needed? She can't if she is also the caregiver and housekeeper. Why must she be both? Because she has always been kept at home and denied the chance to pursue a trade or profession that would allow her to support herself, her parents, and contribute positively to society. Because "the home is where women belong," and within the home, there’s no social contribution or self-sufficiency.
There is another and a darker side to this position. The claim of exclusive personal service from the daughter is maintained by parents who are not poor, not old, not sick, not feeble; by a father who is quite able to pay for all the service he requires, and who prefers to maintain his daughter in idleness for his own antiquated masculine pride—and by a mother who is quite able to provide for herself, if she choose to; who is no longer occupied by the care of little children, who does not even do house-service, but who lives in idleness herself, and then claims the associate idleness of her daughter, on grounds past finding out. Perhaps it is that an honourably independent daughter, capable, respected, well-paid, valuable to the community, would be an insupportable reproach to the lady of the house. Perhaps it is a more pathetic reason—the home-bound, half-developed life, released from the immediate cares, which, however ill-fulfilled, at least gave sanction to her position, now seeks to satisfy its growing emptiness by the young life's larger hope and energy. This may be explanation, but is no justification.
There’s another, darker side to this situation. Parents who aren’t poor, old, sick, or weak insist on their daughter providing exclusive personal service. This includes a father who can afford to pay for all the help he needs but chooses to keep his daughter idle for his outdated sense of masculine pride—and a mother who could easily support herself if she wanted to, who isn't tied down by young children, doesn’t even do housework, yet still lives in idleness and demands her daughter join her in that idleness for reasons that are hard to understand. Maybe it’s because a self-sufficient daughter—capable, respected, well-paid, and valuable to the community—would be an unbearable reminder of the lady of the house’s own shortcomings. Or maybe the answer is more heartbreaking—the limited, homebound life, freed from the immediate responsibilities that, however poorly handled, at least validated her position, now tries to fill its increasing emptiness with the younger generation’s greater hope and energy. This might explain the situation, but it doesn’t justify it.
The value and beauty of motherhood depend on the imperative needs of childhood. The filial service of the child depends on the imperative needs of the parent. When the girl is twenty-one and the mother is forty-five, neither position holds. The amount of love and care needed by either party does not require all day for its expression. The young, strong, well-educated girl should have her place and work, equally with her brother. Does not the mother love her son, though he is in business? Could she not manage to love a daughter in business, too? It is not love, far less is it wisdom, which so needlessly immolates a young life on the altar of this ancient custom of home-worship. The loving mother is not immortal. What is to become of the unmarried daughter after the mother is gone?
The value and beauty of motherhood depend on the essential needs of childhood. The child's responsibilities towards the parent depend on the parent's essential needs. When the girl is twenty-one and the mother is forty-five, those roles shift. The love and care required by either side do not need to take up all day to be shown. The young, strong, well-educated woman should have her own place and work, just like her brother. Doesn’t the mother love her son, even though he’s busy with work? Couldn’t she manage to love a daughter who is also working? It’s neither love nor wisdom that so unnecessarily sacrifices a young life to the outdated tradition of glorifying home life. The loving mother isn't immortal. What happens to the unmarried daughter after the mother is gone?
What has the home done to fit her for life. She may be rich enough to continue to live in it, not to "have to work," but is she, at fifty, still to find contentment in dusting the parlour and arranging the flowers, in calling and receiving calls, in entertaining and being entertained? Where is her business, her trade, her art, her profession, her place in life? The home is not the whole of life. It is a very minor part of it—a mere place of preparation for living. To keep the girl at home is to cut her off from life.
What has the home done to prepare her for life? She might have enough money to stay there and not "have to work," but is she really going to find happiness at fifty in dusting the living room and arranging flowers, in making and receiving visits, in hosting and being hosted? Where is her career, her trade, her passion, her profession, her role in life? The home isn’t everything. It’s just a small part of life—a place to get ready for living. Keeping the girl at home isolates her from life.
More and more is this impossible. The inherited power of the ages is developing women to such an extent that by the simple force of expansion they are cracking the confining walls about them, bursting out in all directions, rising under the enormous pressure that keeps them down like mushrooms under a stone. The girl has now enough of athletic training to strengthen her body, balance her nerves, set her tingling with the healthy impulse to do. She has enough mental training to give some background and depth to her mind, with the habit of thinking somewhat. If she is a college girl, she has had the inestimable privilege of looking at the home from outside, in which new light and proportion it has a very different aspect.
More and more, this is becoming impossible. The inherited power of the ages is empowering women to such an extent that, simply through expansion, they are breaking down the walls around them, bursting out in all directions, rising under the immense pressure that keeps them suppressed like mushrooms under a stone. The girl now has enough athletic training to strengthen her body, balance her nerves, and energize her with the healthy urge to do. She has acquired enough mental training to provide her mind with some background and depth, developing the habit of thinking critically. If she’s a college student, she has had the invaluable opportunity to view the home from outside, revealing a very different perspective in new light and proportion.
The effort is still made by proud and loving fathers, unconscious of their limitations, to keep her there afterward, and by loving mothers even more effectually. They play upon the strings of conscience, duty, and affection. They furnish every pleasant temptation of physical comfort, ease, the slow corruption of unearned goods. To oppose this needs a wider range of vision and a greater strength of character than the daughter of a thousand homes can usually command.
The effort continues to be made by proud and loving fathers, unaware of their limitations, to keep her there afterward, and by loving mothers even more effectively. They tug at the strings of conscience, duty, and affection. They provide every tempting comfort, ease, and the gradual lure of unearned rewards. Resisting this requires a broader perspective and greater strength of character than the daughter of a thousand homes can typically muster.
The school has helped her, but she has not had it long. The college has helped her more, but that is not a general possession as yet, and has had still shorter influence. Strong, indeed, is the girl who can decide within herself where duty lies, and follow that decision against the combined forces which hold her back. She must claim the right of every individual soul to its own path in life, its own true line of work and growth. She must claim the duty of every individual soul to give to its all-providing society some definite service in return. She must recognise the needs of the world, of her country, her city, her place and time in human progress, as well as the needs of her personal relations and her personal home. And, further, using the parental claim of gratitude and duty in its own teeth, she must say: "Because I love you I wish to be worthy of you, to be a human creature you may be proud of as well as a daughter you are fond of. Because I owe you care and service when you need it, I must fit myself now to render that care and service efficiently. Moreover, my duty to you is not all my duty in the world. Life is not merely an aggregation of families. I must so live as to meet all my duties, and, in so doing, I shall better love and serve my parents."
The school has helped her, but she hasn’t been there long. The college has helped her even more, but that isn’t a permanent situation yet and has had an even shorter impact. It takes a strong girl to figure out where her duty lies inside herself and stick to that decision despite the many things holding her back. She must claim the right of every individual to follow their own path in life, their own true work and growth. She must acknowledge the responsibility of every person to give back some specific service to the society that supports them. She must recognize the needs of the world, her country, her city, and her role in human progress, as well as the needs of her personal relationships and her home. Furthermore, using the expectations of gratitude and duty against themselves, she must say: "Because I love you, I want to be someone you can be proud of, not just a daughter you care for. Because I owe you care and service when you need it, I have to prepare myself now to provide that care and service effectively. Additionally, my duty to you isn't my only duty in the world. Life isn’t just a collection of families. I need to live in a way that fulfills all my responsibilities, and by doing so, I’ll be able to love and serve my parents better."
Conscience is strong in women. Children are very violently taught that they owe all to their parents, and the parents are not slow in foreclosing the mortgage. But the home is not a debtor's prison—to girls any more than to boys. This enormous claim of parents calls for examination.
Conscience is strong in women. Children are taught very forcefully that they owe everything to their parents, and the parents are quick to enforce that expectation. But home isn’t a debtor's prison—for girls any more than for boys. This huge demand from parents deserves some scrutiny.
Do they in truth do all for their children; do their children owe all to them? Is nothing furnished in the way of safety, sanitation, education, by that larger home, the state? What could these parents do, alone, in never so pleasant a home, without the allied forces of society to maintain that home in peace and prosperity. These lingering vestiges of a patriarchal cult must be left behind. Ancestor-worship has had victims enough. Girls are human creatures as well as boys, and both have duties, imperative duties, quite outside the home.
Do they really do everything for their children; do their children owe everything to them? Is nothing provided in terms of safety, sanitation, and education by the larger community, the state? What could these parents achieve, even in the nicest home, without the support of society to keep that home peaceful and prosperous? These outdated remnants of a patriarchal culture need to be discarded. Ancestor-worship has already harmed enough people. Girls are human beings just like boys, and both have responsibilities, important responsibilities, that extend beyond the home.
One more protest is to be heard: "Most girls marry. Surely they might stay at home contentedly until they leave it for another." Yes, most girls marry. All girls ought to—unless there is something wrong with them. And, being married, they should have homes. But, to have a home and enjoy it, is one thing; to stay in it—the whole time—is quite another. It is the same old assumption that woman is a house-animal; that she has no place in the open, no business in the world. If the girl had a few years of practical experience in the world she would be far better able to enjoy and appreciate her own home when she had one. At present, being so much restricted where she is, she very often plunges from the frying-pan into the fire, simply from too much home.
One more argument needs to be heard: "Most girls get married. Surely they could stay at home happily until they leave for another place." Yes, most girls do marry. All girls should—unless there's something wrong with them. And when married, they should have homes. But enjoying a home is one thing; staying in it all the time is quite another. It's the same old belief that women are meant to be housebound; that they don’t belong in the outside world or have a place in society. If a girl had a few years of real-world experience, she'd be much better at enjoying and appreciating her own home once she has one. Right now, being so constrained at home, she often jumps from one bad situation to another simply because she’s had too much time at home.
"Why should she have married that fellow!" cries the father; "I gave her a good home—she had everything she wanted." It does not enter the mind of this man that a woman is something more than a rabbit. Even rabbits, well-fed rabbits, will gnaw and dig to get out—they like to run as well as eat. Also, the girl whose character has time to "set" a little in some legitimate business associations, instead of being held in everlasting solution at home, will be able to face the problems of domestic industry and expense with new eyes.
"Why did she marry that guy!" the father exclaims. "I provided her with a nice home—she had everything she wanted." It doesn't occur to him that a woman is more than just a pet. Even well-fed rabbits will gnaw and dig to escape—they want to run just as much as they want to eat. Plus, a girl who has the chance to establish herself through some legitimate work, instead of being stuck at home all the time, will be able to tackle the challenges of managing a household and expenses with a fresh perspective.
No men, with practical sense and trained minds, would put up for a week with the inchoate mass of wasted efforts in the home; and, when women have the same trained minds and practical sense, they will not put up with it much longer. For the home's sake, as well as her own sake, the girl will profit by experience in the working world.
No reasonable people with practical skills and educated minds would tolerate a week's worth of wasted effort at home; and once women acquire those same skills and knowledge, they won't put up with it for much longer either. For the sake of the home, as well as their own well-being, women will benefit from gaining experience in the workforce.
Once she learns the pleasure and power of specialisation, the benefits of organisation, the advantages of combination, the whole tremendous enginery of civilised life, she can no more drop back into her ancestral cradle than her brother could turn into an Arcadian shepherd, piping prettily to his fleecy charge.
Once she discovers the joy and strength of specialization, the perks of organization, the benefits of collaboration, and the entire amazing machinery of civilized life, she can no longer go back to her ancestral cradle than her brother could become a simple shepherd in Arcadia, playing sweet melodies to his fluffy flock.
XIV
Home impact on men
In our peculiar and artificial opposition of "the Home" and "the World," we have roughly ascribed all the virtues to the first, and all the vices to the second. "The world, the flesh, and the devil" we still associate, forgetting that home is the very temple of the flesh, and in no way impervious to the devil. Sin is found at home as generally as elsewhere—must be, unless women are sinless and men absolved on entering the sacred door.
In our strange and artificial contrast between "the Home" and "the World," we’ve assigned all the good qualities to the first and all the bad ones to the second. We still link "the world, the flesh, and the devil," forgetting that home is actually the very place of the flesh and is not immune to the devil. Sin exists at home just as much as it does anywhere else—unless women are perfect and men are forgiven as soon as they cross the sacred threshold.
There are different sins and virtues, truly, as we have seen in the chapter on Domestic Ethics. There is less fighting at home, as there is but one man there. There is less stealing, the goods being more in common, only sometimes a sly rifling of pockets by the unpaid wife. A man pays his housekeeper, or his housemaids, because he has to; and he pays, and pays highly, the purely extortionate women of pleasure; but sometimes he forgets to pay his wife, and sometimes she steals. The home has patience, chastity, industry, love. But there is less justice, less honour, less courage, less truth; it does not embrace all the virtues. Such as it is, strong for good and also very weak for some good, possibly even showing some tendencies to evil, what is its influence on men?
There are different sins and virtues, as we've seen in the chapter on Domestic Ethics. There's less fighting at home since there's only one man there. There's less stealing too, as the possessions are more shared; occasionally, there's a sneaky pickpocketing by the wife who isn't being paid. A man pays his housekeeper or maids because he has to; he also pays a lot to women in the sex industry. But sometimes he forgets to pay his wife, and sometimes she steals. The home has patience, fidelity, hard work, and love. However, it lacks justice, honor, courage, and truth; it doesn't include all the virtues. Given all this, how does it affect men?
The boy baby feels it first; and that we have touched on. The home teaches the boy that women were made for service, domestic service, that the principal cares and labours of life are those which concern the body, and that his own particular tastes and preferences are of enormous importance. As fast as he gets out of the home and into the school, he learns quite other things, getting his exaggerated infant egotism knocked out of him very suddenly, and, as he gets out of school and into business, also into politics, he learns still further of the conditions of life. Proportion changes, perspective changes; he grows to have a very different view of life from the woman's view. The same thing happening to a man and a woman produces a widely varying effect; what is a trifle in the day's large activities to him is an event of insistent pressure to her; and, here, in the eternal misunderstanding between the home-bred woman and the world-bred man, lie the seeds of ceaseless trouble. The different range of vision of the occupant of the home and the occupant of the world makes it impossible for them to see things similarly. We are familiar with the difference, but have always considered it a distinction of sex.
The baby boy feels it first, and we've touched on that. Home teaches the boy that women are meant for domestic duty, that the main responsibilities of life revolve around physical needs, and that his own likes and dislikes are extremely important. As soon as he leaves home for school, he learns very different lessons, having his childish self-centeredness quickly challenged. Then, as he moves from school to work and into politics, he gains even more insight into life's realities. His sense of proportion and perspective shifts; he starts to see life very differently than women do. When similar experiences happen to a man and a woman, the effects can be drastically different; what seems like a minor issue in daily activities to him can feel like a pressing concern for her. This eternal misunderstanding between a woman raised at home and a man raised in the world creates ongoing conflict. The different viewpoints of a homemaker and someone engaged with the world make it impossible for them to see things the same way. We're aware of this difference, but we’ve always viewed it as a distinction based on gender.
We have called the broader, sounder, better balanced, more fully exercised brain "a man's brain," and the narrower, more emotional and personal one "a woman's brain"; whereas the difference is merely that between the world and the house. The absolute relation between any animal's brain and his range of activity is patent to the zoölogist, and simply furnishes the proof of its law of development. The greater the extent and complexity of any creature's business, the greater the mental capacity, of course.
We refer to the broader, more stable, better-balanced, and more fully engaged brain as "a man's brain," while labeling the narrower, more emotional, and personal brain as "a woman's brain"; however, the difference is really just like that between the world and the home. The direct connection between any animal's brain and its ability to function is obvious to zoologists, and it clearly supports its development laws. Essentially, the more extensive and complex a creature's activities are, the greater its mental capacity will be.
We are familiar with the mental effect of living on small islands—"the insular mind," "insular prejudice" are well known terms. The smaller the island, the more deprived of contact and association with the rest of the world, the greater the insularity of mind. The Englishman is somewhat affected by the size of his country; the Manxman still more, and the dwellers on the lighthouse rock most of all. Our homes are not physically isolated, save on scattered farms and ranches—where the worst results are found; but they are isolated in their interests and industries.
We understand the mental impact of living on small islands—terms like "insular mindset" and "insular prejudice" are well recognized. The smaller the island, the less contact and interaction with the outside world, the more pronounced the insular mentality. The English are somewhat influenced by the size of their country; the people of the Isle of Man even more, and those living on the lighthouse rock the most. Our homes aren't physically isolated, except for a few scattered farms and ranches—where the most negative effects are seen—but they are isolated in their interests and industries.
The thought used every day is thought about half a dozen people and their concerns, mainly their personal bodily care and comfort; the mental processes of the woman must needs be intensified in personality as they are limited in range. Hence her greater sensitiveness to all personal events, and that quick variation in attitude so inevitable in a mind whose daily work involves continual and instant change. Varium et mutabile! murmurs the man sagely—"A woman's privilege is to change her mind!" If the nature of his industry were such that he had to change his mind from cooking to cleaning, from cleaning to sewing, from sewing to nursing, from nursing to teaching, and so, backward, forward, crosswise and over again, from morning to night—he too would become adept in the lightning-change act.
The thought processes women engage in every day revolve around the concerns of about six people, mostly focused on their personal care and comfort. This means that a woman's mental activity must be more intense in personality, even though it’s limited in scope. As a result, she tends to be more sensitive to personal events and her moods can shift rapidly, a natural response for someone whose daily tasks involve constant and immediate changes. Varium et mutabile! the man wisely says—"A woman's privilege is to change her mind!" If his job required him to switch from cooking to cleaning, then to sewing, nursing, and teaching, going back and forth all day long, he would also master the art of changing his mind in an instant.
The man adopts one business and follows it. He develops special ability, on long lines, in connection with wide interests—and so grows broader and steadier. The distinction is there, but it is not a distinction of sex. This is why the man forgets to mail the letter. He is used to one consecutive train of thought and action. She, used to a varying zigzag horde of little things, can readily accommodate a few more.
The man picks one business to focus on and sticks with it. He develops a special skill over time, with a wide range of interests—and as a result, he becomes more well-rounded and stable. The distinction exists, but it's not about gender. This is why the man forgets to mail the letter. He's accustomed to a single line of thought and action. She, on the other hand, is used to managing a variety of little tasks at once and can easily handle a few more.
The home-bred brain of the woman continually puzzles and baffles the world-bred brain of the man; and from the beginning of their association it has an effect upon him. In childhood even he sees his sister serving in the home functions far more than he is required to do; she is taught to "clean up" where he is not; different values are assigned to the same act in boy or girl, and he is steadily influenced by it. The first effect of the home on the boy is seen very young in his contempt for girls, and girls' play or work. When, after a period of separation wherein he has consorted as far as possible only with boys and men, he is again drawn towards the girl on lines of sex-attraction, a barrier has risen between them which is never wholly removed.
The home-trained mindset of a woman constantly confuses and challenges the world-trained mindset of a man, and from the start of their relationship, it affects him. Even as a child, he notices his sister taking on household responsibilities much more than he has to. She’s taught to "clean up" in ways he isn't; different values are placed on the same actions depending on whether it's a boy or a girl, and he’s consistently influenced by this. The initial impact of the home on the boy is evident early on in his disdain for girls and their activities. When, after spending time mostly with boys and men, he is drawn back to the girl through attraction, a barrier has formed between them that can never be fully broken.
He has immense areas of experience utterly unknown to her. His words and acts in a given case are modified by a thousand memories and knowledges which she has not; so word and act differ sharply, though the immediate exciting cause be the same. The very terms they use have different weight and meaning; the man must pick and choose and adopt a different speech in talking to a woman. He loves, he admires, he venerates; and from this attitude considering all her foolishness and ignorance as feminine and therefore charming, he is thus taught to worship ignoble things.
He has vast experiences that she has no clue about. His words and actions in any situation are influenced by a thousand memories and pieces of knowledge that she lacks; so even when the reason for them is the same, their words and actions stand out as very different. The very language they use carries different weight and meaning; he has to select and adjust his speech when talking to a woman. He loves, he admires, he reveres; and because he sees all her silliness and ignorance as feminine and therefore appealing, he ends up being taught to admire unworthy things.
Charles Reade in his "Peg Woffington" describes that strong, brave, intelligent, and most charming woman as starting and screaming at a very distant rat—and her lover being therefore more strongly attracted to her. Every sign of weakness, timidity, inability to understand and do, is deemed feminine and admired. Yet we all know that the best love is that which exalts, that which truly respects as well as fondly enjoys.
Charles Reade in his "Peg Woffington" describes that strong, brave, intelligent, and incredibly charming woman as starting and screaming at a rat far away—and her lover is therefore even more drawn to her. Any sign of weakness, shyness, or inability to understand and act is seen as feminine and admired. Yet we all know that the best love is the one that uplifts, one that genuinely respects as well as affectionately enjoys.
The smallness of the home-bound woman is not so injurious as the still smaller nature of the harem-bound, by as much as the home is larger and freer than the harem; but just as harem women limit man's growth, so do home women in slighter degree. The influence of women upon men is enormous. The home-bound mother limits the child and boy; the home-bound girl limits the youth; and the home-bound wife keeps up the pressure for life. It is not that women are really smaller-minded, weaker-minded, more timid and vacillating; but that whosoever, man or woman, lives always in a small dark place, is always guarded, protected, directed, and restrained, will become inevitably narrowed and weakened by it.
The limitations of a woman confined to home are not as harmful as those of a woman confined to a harem, simply because the home offers more space and freedom than a harem does. However, just as women in harems restrict a man's growth, home-bound women do so to a lesser extent. The influence women have on men is significant. A mother at home limits her child and son; a girl at home restricts the young man; and a housewife maintains pressure on life. It's not that women are inherently small-minded, weak-minded, timid, or indecisive, but rather that anyone—man or woman—who constantly lives in a small, dark environment, surrounded by protection and restrictions, will inevitably become narrowed and weakened by those circumstances.
The woman is narrowed by the home and the man is narrowed by the woman. In proportion as man is great, as his interests are world-wide and his abilities high, is he injured by constant contact with a smaller mind. The more ordinary man feels it less, being himself nearer to the domestic plane of thought and action; but the belittling effect is there all the time.
The woman is limited by the home, and the man is limited by the woman. The greater the man is, with broader interests and higher abilities, the more he is harmed by being around a smaller mind. The average man feels this effect less, as he is closer to the everyday way of thinking and acting; however, the diminishing impact is always present.
If the boy's mother commanded as wide a range of action as his father; if her work were something to honour and emulate as well as her dear self something to love, the boy would never learn to use that bitter term "only mother." The father is a soldier, and the boy admires and longs to follow in great deeds. The father is a captain of industry—a skilled tradesman, a good physician—the boy has the father to love, and the work to admire as well. The father is something to other people, as well as all in all to him; and the boy has a new respect for him, seeing him in the social relation as well as the domestic. But his mother he sees only in the domestic relation and is early taught by the father himself, that he is "to take care of her!" Think of it! Teaching a child that he is to take care of his mother! A full-grown able-bodied woman will take a child of ten out with her at night—"to protect her!"
If the boy's mom had as much freedom to act as his dad did; if her work was something to respect and look up to, just like her as a person was someone to love, the boy would never resort to the spiteful phrase "only mom." His dad is a soldier, and the boy admires him and wants to achieve great things just like him. His dad is a successful businessman—a skilled tradesman, a good doctor—the boy has a dad to love and work to admire too. The dad is important to others in addition to being everything to him; and the boy gains a new respect for him, seeing him in both social and family roles. But he only sees his mom in a family role and is taught early on by his dad that he needs to "take care of her!" Just think about it! Teaching a child that he has to take care of his mom! A fully grown, capable woman will take a ten-year-old child out with her at night—"to protect her!"
The exquisite absurdity of this position has no comparison or parallel. Think of a cow protected by a calf! A bear by a cub—a cat by a kitten! A tall, swift mare by a lanky colt! An alert, sharp-toothed collie by a tumbling, fat-pawed pup! How can a boy respect a thing that he, a child, can take care of! He can love, and does. He can take care of, and does. He can later on support, and does; and even—this in a recent instance of this sublime monstrosity—he can "give away" his own mother in marriage! No wonder he so soon learns to say "only mother!" When she is not only mother, but mother and much besides, a real human being, usefully exercising her human faculties, the boy will make a better man.
The ridiculousness of this situation has no comparison. Imagine a cow being protected by a calf! A bear by its cub—a cat by a kitten! A tall, fast mare by a lanky colt! A sharp-toothed collie by a clumsy, chubby pup! How can a boy respect something he, as a child, can take care of? He can love, and he does. He can take care of, and he does. He can later support, and he does; and even—this is a recent example of this absurd situation—he can "give away" his own mother in marriage! It's no wonder he quickly learns to say "only mother!" When she is not just mother, but mother and much more, a real person using her abilities, the boy will grow up to be a better man.
Again, if his sister shared every freedom and advantage of childhood; were equally educated, not only in school, but in play, and in the ever-stimulating experiences of daily life, he would feel far differently toward her.
Again, if his sister enjoyed all the freedoms and benefits of childhood; if they were equally educated, not just in school, but also in play and in the constantly exciting experiences of everyday life, he would feel very differently about her.
See two children on a journey, the mother holding fast to the girl from beginning to end, only the car seat and window for her; the boy on the steps, the platform, running about the station, asking questions of brakeman and engineer, learning all the time. The boy gets five times as much out of life as the girl, and he knows it. It is not long before he is ashamed to play with girls, and one cannot blame him.
See two kids on a trip, the mom holding onto the girl from start to finish, just the car seat and window for her; the boy on the steps, running around the platform, asking questions of the brakeman and engineer, learning all the time. The boy gets five times as much out of life as the girl, and he knows it. It doesn’t take long before he’s embarrassed to play with girls, and you can’t really blame him.
Then comes the sweetheart. A new deep love, a great overmastering reverence for the Woman, rises in his heart. In the light of that love he accepts her as she is, glorifying and idealising every weakness, every limitation, because it is hers. This is not well. He could love her just as well, better, if his reverence were better deserved, if the dignity of sex were enhanced by the dignity of a wise, strong, capable human being.
Then comes the sweetheart. A new, deep love and a powerful respect for the Woman grow in his heart. In the glow of that love, he accepts her completely, glorifying and idealizing every flaw and limitation because they're hers. This isn't right. He could love her just as much, or even more, if his respect was truly deserved, and if the dignity of being a woman was elevated by the dignity of a wise, strong, capable human being.
Of course the man feels that he would not love her as well if she were different. So he felt in past ages when she was even more feminine, even less human. So he will feel in coming ages, when she is truly his equal, a strong and understanding friend, a restful and stimulating companion, as well as the beautiful and loving woman. We have always been drawn together by love and always will be. The beautiful Georgian slave is beloved, the peasant lass, the princess; man loves woman, and she need not fear any change in that.
Of course, the man feels that he wouldn't love her as much if she were different. He felt that way in past eras when she was even more feminine and less like a human. He will feel that way in the future when she is truly his equal—an understanding friend, a comforting and exciting companion, as well as a beautiful and loving woman. We've always been connected by love and always will be. The beautiful Georgian slave is loved, the peasant girl, the princess; men love women, and she doesn't need to worry about any changes in that.
Our error lies in a false estimate of womanhood and manhood. The home, its labours, cares, and limitations we have called womanly; and everything else in life manly; wherefore if a woman manifested any power, ambition, interest, outside the home, that was unwomanly and must cost her her position as such. This is entirely wrong.
Our mistake comes from a misunderstanding of what it means to be a woman and a man. We’ve labeled the work, worries, and restrictions of home life as feminine and everything else as masculine. So, if a woman showed any strength, ambition, or interest outside of the home, it was seen as unladylike and would jeopardize her place in society. This is completely incorrect.
A woman is a woman and attractive to the men of her place and time, whether she be a beaded Hottentot, a rosy milkmaid, a pretty schoolma'am, or a veiled beauty of the Zenana.
A woman is a woman and appealing to the men of her time and place, whether she’s a beaded Hottentot, a rosy milkmaid, a cute schoolteacher, or a veiled beauty of the Zenana.
We are taught that man most loves and admires the domestic type of woman. This is one of the roaring jokes of history. The breakers of hearts, the queens of romance, the goddesses of a thousand devotees, have not been cooks.
We’re taught that men love and admire women who are domestic. This is one of the biggest jokes in history. The heartbreakers, the queens of romance, the goddesses adored by a thousand fans, haven’t been cooks.
Women in general are attractive to men, but let a woman be glaringly conspicuous—the great singer, dancer, actress—immediately she has lovers without number. The best-loved women of all time have not been the little brown birds at home, by any means. Of course, when a man marries the queen of song he expects her to settle at once to the nest and remain there. But does he thereafter maintain the same degree of devotion that he bestowed before? It is not easy, after all, to maintain the height of romantic devotion for one's house-servant—or even one's housekeeper. The man loves his wife; but it is in spite of the home—not because of it. And wherever the shadow of unhappiness falls between them, wherever the sad record of sorrow and sin is begun, it is too often because love strays from that domestic area to follow a freer bird in a wider field.
Women are generally attractive to men, but when a woman stands out—like a famous singer, dancer, or actress—she instantly has countless admirers. The most beloved women throughout history haven't been the quiet ones at home, by any means. Of course, when a man marries a superstar, he expects her to settle down and stay there. But does he continue to show the same level of devotion afterward? It's not easy to keep that intense romantic devotion for someone who is essentially a housekeeper or just a part of the home. The man loves his wife, but it’s usually despite their home life, not because of it. And wherever unhappiness creeps in, wherever the sad history of sorrow and mistakes begins, it often happens because love drifts away from the domestic space to chase after a freer spirit in a larger world.
It is not marriage which brings this danger, it is domestic service; it is not the perfect and mutual ownership of love, nor the sanction of law and religion; it is the one-sided ownership wherein the wife becomes the private servant, cook, cleaner, mender of rents, a valet, janitor, and chambermaid. Even as such she has more practical claim to respect than the wife who does not do this work nor any other; who is not the servant of the house, but merely its lady; who has absolutely no claim to human honour, no place in the social scheme, except that of the female.
It’s not marriage that brings this danger; it’s domestic service. It’s not the ideal shared love or the blessing of law and religion; it’s the one-sided arrangement where the wife ends up as the personal servant, cook, cleaner, repairperson, valet, janitor, and housekeeper. Even in that role, she has more practical claim to respect than the wife who doesn’t do this work or any other; who isn’t the servant of the household but just its lady; who has no claim to human dignity and no position in society, except as a woman.
Thus we find that the influence of the home upon man, as felt through the home-restricted woman, is not always for the best; and that even, as supposedly increasing the woman's charm, it does not work.
Thus we find that the influence of the home on a man, as experienced through the home-bound woman, is not always beneficial; and that even though it’s supposed to enhance the woman's appeal, it does not achieve that effect.
What follows further of the influence of the home upon man directly? How does it modify his personal life and development? The boy grows and breaks out of the home. It has for him a myriad ties—but he does not like to be tied. He strikes out for himself. If he is an English boy of the upper classes he is cut off early and sent to a boarding school; later he has "chambers" of his own. If an American, he simply goes into business, and in most cases away from home, boarding for a while. Then he loves, marries, and sets up a home of his own; a woman-and-child house, which he gladly and proudly maintains and in many ways enjoys.
What comes next about how the home affects a person directly? How does it shape his personal life and growth? The boy matures and breaks away from home. He has countless connections there—but he doesn’t want to be bound. He makes his own way. If he’s an English boy from a wealthy family, he’s separated early and sent to a boarding school; later, he gets his own “chambers.” If he’s American, he simply enters the workforce, often moving away from home and boarding for a while. Then he finds love, gets married, and starts his own family; a home with a woman and children, which he happily and proudly supports and enjoys in many ways.
So satisfied are we in our convictions regarding this status that we really and practically worship the home and family, holding it to be a man's first duty to maintain them. No man does it more patiently and generously than the American, and he is supported in his position by all the moral opinion of our world. He is "a good family man" we say, and can say no more. To stay at home evenings is especially desirable; the more of life that can be spent at home the better, we think, for all concerned. Now what is the real effect upon the man? Is the home, as we have it, satisfying to the real needs of man's nature; and if not, could it be improved?
We are so confident in our beliefs about this situation that we practically worship the home and family, considering it a man's primary responsibility to take care of them. No one does this more patiently and generously than the American, and his role is supported by the general moral views of our society. We call him "a good family man," and that's about all we say. Staying home in the evenings is particularly encouraged; the more time spent at home, the better, in our opinion, for everyone involved. But what is the actual impact on the man? Does the home, as we know it, fulfill the true needs of a man's nature, and if not, how could it be improved?
The best proof of man's dissatisfaction with the home is found in his universal absence from it. It is not only that his work takes him out (and he sees to it that it does!) but the man who does not "have to work" also goes out, for pleasure.
The best proof of a man's dissatisfaction with home is seen in how often he's not there. It's not just that his job pulls him away (and he makes sure it does!), but even those who "don't have to work" still go out for fun.
The leisure classes in any country have no necessity upon them to leave home, yet their whole range of uneasy activity is to get outside, or to furnish constant diversion and entertainment, to while away the hours within. A human creature must work, play, or rest. Men work outside, play outside, and cannot rest more than so long at a time.
The leisure classes in any country don't really need to leave home, but they spend most of their time trying to get out, or finding ways to keep themselves entertained and distracted while indoors. People need to work, play, or rest. Some people work outside, play outside, and can't rest for very long at a time.
The man maintains a home, as part of his life-area, but does not himself find room in it. This is legitimate enough. It should be equally true of the woman. No human life of our period can find full exercise in a home. Both need it, to rest in; to work from; but not to stay in.
The man has a home, which is part of his life, but he doesn't find his own space in it. This is perfectly reasonable. The same should apply to the woman. In today's world, no one can fully engage in life while staying at home. Both need a home to relax in and to work from, but not to remain in all the time.
This we find practically worked out in the average man's attitude toward the home. He provides it, cheerfully, affectionately, proudly; at any cost of labour, care, and ingenuity; but if he has to stay in it too much, he knows it softens and enfeebles him.
This is clearly seen in the average person's approach to the home. They provide it willingly, lovingly, and proudly; at any expense of work, attention, and creativity; but if they have to spend too much time in it, they realize it makes them soft and weak.
So he goes out, to meet men, to work and live as far as he can; and when he wants "a real good time,"—rest, recreation, healthful amusement,—he goes altogether with "the boys." The distant camp in the woods, the mountain climb, the hunting trip,—real rest and pleasure to the man are found with men away from home.
So he goes out to meet people, to work and live as much as he can; and when he wants "a really good time"—to relax, have fun, and enjoy some healthy entertainment—he hangs out with "the guys." Real relaxation and enjoyment for him are found with other men away from home, whether it's at a distant campsite in the woods, climbing a mountain, or going on a hunting trip.
There is a sort of strain in the constant association with the smaller life, as there is in the painful keeping step with shorter legs; a slow, soft, gentle downward pull, against which every active man rebels. But he is bound to it, for life. The immutable laws of sex hold him to the woman; and as she is so he must be, more or less.
There’s a kind of tension in always being around those who live smaller lives, just like it’s hard to keep up with someone who has shorter legs; it’s a slow, gentle drag downwards that every active person fights against. But he’s stuck with it for life. The unchanging rules of gender tie him to the woman, and as she is, he has to adapt, to some extent.
He is bound to the home by the needs of the child, and by the physical convenience and necessity of the place. If it were all that it should be, it would offer to the man rest, comfort, stimulus, and inspiration. In so far as it does, it is right. In so far as it does not, it is wrong. The ideal home shines clear and bright, at the end of the day's work. Peace and happiness, relief from all effort and anxiety, the calm replenishment of food and sleep, the most delightful companionship. In some cases it gives all this in fact. In many, many others the man has to descend in coming home—to come down to it instead of up. In it is a whole new field of cares, worries, and labours. The primitive machinery of the place, so imperfectly managed by the inexpert average woman, jars rudely on his specialised consciousness. The children are his pride and joy—that is as it should be. But when their lack of intelligent care robs him of his rest at night; and their lack of intelligent education, makes them an anxiety and a distress instead of a comfort; that is as it should not be.
He is tied to home by the needs of the child and by the practicality and necessity of the place. If it were everything it should be, it would provide the man with rest, comfort, motivation, and inspiration. As far as it does, it's good. As far as it doesn't, it's not. The ideal home radiates clearly and brightly at the end of the workday. Peace and happiness, relief from all effort and worry, the soothing replenishment of food and sleep, and the most enjoyable companionship. In some cases, it actually offers all of this. In many others, the man feels he has to come down to come home instead of feeling uplifted. Within it lies a whole new realm of cares, worries, and responsibilities. The basic structure of the home, managed so imperfectly by the average woman, heavily disrupts his specialized mindset. The children are his pride and joy—that's how it should be. But when their lack of attentive care steals his rest at night, and their lack of proper education turns them into a source of anxiety and distress instead of comfort, that’s not how it should be.
He does not bring his deficiencies in business home to his wife and expect her to walk the floor at night with them. The systematised man's work is done for the day, and he comes home to shoulder a share of the unsystematised inadequate woman's work. When the woman of exceptional ability keeps the whole house running smoothly, has no trouble with servants, no trouble with the children, then the influence of the home on man is pure beneficence. Such cases are most rare. So used are we to the contrary, so besotted in our blind adoration of ancient deficiencies, that we exhort the young couple to face "the cares and troubles of married life" as if they really were an essential part of it. They have nothing to do with married life. They are the cares and troubles of our antiquated, mischievous system of housekeeping.
He doesn’t bring his work issues home to his wife and expect her to stay up at night worrying about them. The organized man finishes his work for the day and comes home ready to help with the disorganized and insufficient tasks that his wife handles. When a woman with exceptional skills manages the entire household smoothly, without issues with staff or kids, the home’s influence on a man is entirely positive. However, such situations are very rare. We are so accustomed to the opposite and so blinded by our admiration for outdated shortcomings that we tell young couples to confront “the cares and troubles of married life” as if they are a necessary part of it. But they have nothing to do with married life. They are the burdens of our old-fashioned and troublesome way of managing a home.
If men in their business were still using methods of a million years ago, they would need some exhortation too. It is marvellous that the same man who casts upon the scrap heap his most expensive machinery to replace it with still better, who constantly adjusts and readjusts his business to the latest demands of our rapidly changing time, can go home and contentedly endure the same petty difficulties which his father and his grandfather and all his receding ancestors endured in turn.
If people in their work were still using techniques from a million years ago, they would also need some encouragement. It’s amazing that the same person who throws away their most expensive machinery to replace it with something even better, and who is always adjusting their business to meet the latest demands of our fast-changing world, can go home and happily put up with the same minor issues that his father, grandfather, and all his ancestors dealt with over the years.
The inadequacy of the home, the gross imperfections of its methods and management have anything but a helpful influence on men. Necessary difficulties are to be borne or overcome, but to suffer with a sickle when a steam reaper is to be had is contemptible rather than elevating. There will be some pathetic protest here that it is a man's duty to help woman bear the troubles and difficulties of the home. The woman ardently believes this, and the man too, sometimes. Of all incredible impositions this is the most astounding.
The shortcomings of the home, the serious flaws in its methods and management, do nothing to support men. Necessary challenges should be faced or overcome, but to struggle with a sickle when a machine could do the job is more disgraceful than inspiring. Some may lament that it's a man's responsibility to help women deal with the challenges of home life. The woman believes this passionately, and sometimes the man does too. Of all the unreasonable burdens, this is the most unbelievable.
Here we see half the human race, equally able with the other half (equal does not mean similar, remember!), content to see every industry on earth taken away from them, save house-service and child-culture, growing up in the full knowledge and acceptance of this field of labour, generally declining to study said industries before undertaking them, cheerfully undertaking them without any pretense of efficiency, and then calling upon the other half of the world, upon men, who do everything else that is done to maintain our civilisation, to help them do their work!
Here we see half of humanity, just as capable as the other half (being equal doesn’t mean being the same, keep that in mind!), satisfied to have every job on the planet taken away from them, except for household duties and raising children, growing up fully aware of and accepting this type of work, generally refusing to learn about these jobs before taking them on, happily doing them without any pretension of skill, and then asking the other half of the world, the men who do everything else to keep our society running, to assist them in doing their jobs!
We object to seeing the man harness the woman to the plough, and we are right. It is a poor way to work. A horse is more efficient, a steam-plough still better. It is time that we objected to the woman's effort to harness the man to the home, in all its cumbrous old-world inefficiencies. It is not more labour that the home wants, it is better machinery and administration.
We are opposed to seeing a man make a woman work the fields, and we're justified in feeling this way. It's an outdated method of labor. A horse does the job more effectively, and a steam plow is even better. It's time we also questioned the way women try to tie men down to the home, with all its cumbersome old-fashioned inefficiencies. What the home needs isn’t more work, but better tools and organization.
Some hold that the feebleness of woman has a beneficent effect on man, draws out many of his nobler qualities. He should then marry a bed-ridden invalid—a purblind idiot—and draw them all out!
Some believe that the weakness of women has a positive effect on men, bringing out many of their better qualities. So, he should just marry a bedridden invalid—a blind fool—and bring them all out!
The essential weakness and deficiencies of the child are quite sufficient to call out all the strength and wisdom of both parents, without adding this travesty of childhood, this pretended helplessness of a full-grown woman. The shame of it! That a mother, one who needs every attainable height of wisdom and power, should forego her own human development—to make good her claim on man for food and clothes and draw out his nobler qualities! The virtue of parentage is to be measured by its success, not by the amount of effort and sacrifice expended.
The fundamental weaknesses and shortcomings of a child are enough to bring out all the strength and wisdom of both parents, without adding this absurdity of childhood, this false helplessness of a grown woman. It’s shameful! That a mother, someone who needs every ounce of wisdom and power, would give up her own personal growth—to secure her claim on a man for food and clothes and to evoke his better qualities! The value of parenthood should be measured by its effectiveness, not by how much effort and sacrifice is made.
Granting that the care of the body is woman's especial work; the feeding, clothing, and cleaning of the world; she should by this time have developed some system of doing it which would make it less of a burden to the man as well as the woman. It is most discreditable to the business sense of a modern community that these vitally important life processes should be so clumsily performed, at such heavy cost of time, labour, and money.
Given that taking care of the body is primarily a woman's responsibility—feeding, clothing, and cleaning the world—she should have created a system by now that makes these tasks less of a burden for both men and women. It's quite shameful for a modern society that these essential life processes are still carried out so clumsily, wasting so much time, effort, and money.
The care and education of children are legitimately shared by the father. In this a man and his wife are truly partners. They engage in a common business and both labour in it. At present the man by no means does his share in this all-important work, save as he does it collectively, through school and college; there the woman is in default.
The care and education of children is a responsibility that should be shared by the father. In this, a man and his wife are true partners. They work together in a common endeavor and both contribute to it. Right now, the man isn't fully participating in this crucial work, except as he does it collectively through schools and colleges; in that situation, the woman is falling short.
In the early years the man gives little thought and care to the child, this being supposed to be perfectly well attended to by the woman. That it is not, we may readily see; but the man can by no means assist in it; because he is so overburdened already in the material provision for the home.
In the early years, the man pays little attention to the child, assuming that the woman is taking care of everything. It's clear that she isn’t, but the man can’t help with it because he is already so overwhelmed with providing for the family.
The enormous and unnecessary expense of our domestic processes constitutes so excessive a drain on man's energy that it would be cruel, as well as useless, to expect him to do more.
The huge and unnecessary cost of our household chores drains so much of our energy that it would be cruel and pointless to expect anyone to do more.
With the reduction in expense which we have shown to be possible, lessening the cost of living by two-thirds and adding to productive labour by nearly half, the home, instead of being an unconscionable burden and ceaseless care, would become what it should be: an easily attained place of complete rest, comfort, peace, and invigoration.
With the decrease in costs that we have demonstrated is achievable, reducing the cost of living by two-thirds and increasing productive work by almost half, the home, rather than being an overwhelming burden and constant worry, would turn into what it should be: an easily reachable space of total relaxation, comfort, peace, and rejuvenation.
The present influence of the home on men is felt most through this inordinate expense. The support of the family we have laid entirely upon man, thus developing in the dependent woman a limitless capacity for receiving things, and denying her the power to produce them. If this result remained in its simple first degree it would be bad enough; requiring of the man the maintenance of himself, a healthy able-bodied woman, and all the children, instead of having a vigorous helpmate, to honourably support herself, and do her share toward supporting her own children.
The current impact of the home on men is mainly seen through this excessive financial burden. We've placed the entire responsibility of supporting the family on men, which has led to women becoming overly dependent on receiving support instead of having the ability to contribute. If this situation stayed at just this basic level, it would still be problematic; it forces men to take care of themselves, a healthy capable woman, and all the children, rather than having a strong partner who can support herself and contribute to the wellbeing of her own children.
This result is cumulative, however. The confinement of the woman to the home, when she does not labour, results in her becoming a parasite, and the appetite of a parasite is insatiable. She has no sense of what we call "the value of money,"—meaning how much labour it represents,—because she never laboured for it. She received it from her father, all unthinking of where he got it, as is natural to a child; and she continues to be a child, receiving as unthinkingly from her husband. This position we consider right, even beautiful; man stoutly maintains it himself, and considers any effort of the woman to support herself as a reflection on him. He has arrogated to himself as a masculine function the power of producing wealth; and considers it "unfeminine" for a woman to do it; and as indicating a lack of manliness in him.
This result builds up over time. When a woman is confined to the home and doesn't work, she becomes dependent, like a parasite, and a parasite's appetite is endless. She has no understanding of what we call "the value of money"—meaning how much work it takes to earn it—because she never earned it herself. She got it from her father without thinking about where he got it, which is normal for a child; and she remains like a child, receiving it just as unthinkingly from her husband. We see this situation as right, even beautiful; men firmly support it and view any effort by a woman to be independent as a criticism of him. He has taken on the role of being the one who creates wealth and believes it's "unwomanly" for a woman to do so, interpreting it as a sign of his own weakness.
He should "consider the ant," in this capacity, or the bee; and see that a purely masculine functionary has no other occupation whatsoever. He should consider also the male savage—he is "masculine" enough surely; but he is little else. Last, nearest, and most practical he should consider the immense majority of women all over the world to-day who labour in the home. The Lady of the House is a pure parasite, almost wholly detrimental in her influence, but the Housewife is one of the hardest workers on earth. She works unceasingly; as Mrs. Diaz put it years ago, in a thoughtful husband's sudden consideration of his wife's working hours—"No noonings—no evenings—no rainy days!" She works harder and longer than the man, in a miscellaneous shifting field of effort far more exhausting to vitality than his specialised line; and she bears children too! If any man could make a boast equal to that of the mother of nine children—(whose son told me this himself) that she had never missed washing on Monday but twice—there might be some ground for the claim of superior strength.
He should "think about the ant," or the bee, and realize that a purely masculine role has no other purpose at all. He should also consider the male savage—he is definitely "masculine" enough; but he lacks depth otherwise. Lastly, he should look at the vast majority of women around the world today who work at home. The Lady of the House is a total parasite, almost entirely harmful in her influence, but the Housewife is one of the hardest workers on the planet. She works nonstop; as Mrs. Diaz once said, during a thoughtful husband’s sudden realization of his wife's working hours—"No breaks for lunch—no evenings off—no days off for rain!" She works harder and longer than men do, in a varied and ever-changing array of tasks that are far more draining to her energy than his specialized work; and she has kids too! If any man could brag as much as the mother of nine children—(whose son told me this himself) that she had only missed washing on Monday twice—then there might be some basis for claiming superior strength.
In this kind of home—and it is still the rule on earth—what is the influence on man? Does this grade and amount of labour on the part of women lighten the burden, as we so fondly and proudly assume? It shows great ignorance of economic values to assume it.
In this kind of home—and it is still the norm on earth—what effect does it have on men? Does this level of work from women really ease their burden, as we like to believe? It's a sign of significant misunderstanding of economic values to think so.
The poorer a man is, the more he has to pay for everything. In this nine-tenths of our population where the woman works in the home, the man works harder and gets less comfort for his money than among those more successful men able to maintain a parasite. He sustains to the fullest degree all the economic disadvantages we have previously enumerated—the last extreme of wasteful purchase, the lowest stage of industrial exchange. With him, a self-supporting wife would at once double the family income, and the benefits of organised labour and purchase would reduce their expenses at the same time. The unnecessary expenses of a poor man's home are far greater in proportion than those of the rich man; and his enjoyment of the place is less.
The poorer a man is, the more he has to spend on everything. In this group, where most women work at home, men work harder but get less comfort for their money compared to those more successful men who can afford to support someone not working. He faces all the economic disadvantages we've previously mentioned—the worst kind of wasteful spending and the lowest level of industrial trade. For him, a self-sufficient wife would instantly double the family's income, and the advantages of organized labor and bulk purchasing would lower their costs at the same time. The unnecessary expenses in a poor man's home are much higher in proportion than those of a wealthy man, and he enjoys his living situation less.
He has always a tired wife, an unprogressive wife, a wife who cannot be to him what a strong, happy, growing woman should be. If she had eight hours (to take even the custom of our labour-wasting time) of specialised work, to be done with and left with eagerness for the beloved home, she would have a far fresher and more stimulating mind than she has after her ceaseless, confusing toils in the confined domestic atmosphere. The two, together, could afford a better house. The two, together, with twice the money and half the expense for food, could furnish their children with far better care than the overworked and undereducated housewife can give them.
He always has a tired wife, a stagnant wife, a wife who can't be what a strong, happy, growing woman should be for him. If she had eight hours (even considering our tradition of wasting time at work) of specialized work to finish and could eagerly return to the home she loves, she would have a much fresher and more stimulating mindset than she does after her endless, confusing toils in the cramped domestic setting. Together, they could afford a better house. Together, with double the income and half the food expenses, they could provide their children with much better care than the overworked and undereducated housewife can offer.
The result upon the man would be pleasant, indeed. A clean, pretty, quiet home—not full of smell and steam and various messy industries, but simply a place to rest in when he comes to it. A wife as glad to be at home as he. Children also glad of the reunion hour, and the mother and father both delighted to be with their children. What is there in this a man should dread?
The outcome for the man would be quite pleasant. A clean, nice, quiet home—not filled with smells and steam and various messy activities, but just a place to relax when he arrives. A wife happy to be at home just like him. Children who are also excited for the family time, and both parents thrilled to be with their kids. What is there in this that a man should fear?
Would not such a home be good to come to, and would not its influence be wholly pleasant? Our Puritanism shrinks at the idea of homes being wholly pleasant. They should be something of a trial, we think, for our soul's good. The wife and mother ought to be tired and overworked, careworn, dirty, anxious from hour to hour as she tries to "mind the children" and all her other trades as well. The man ought to be contented with the exhausted wife, the screaming babies, the ill-cooked food, the general weary chaos of the place, the endless demand on his single purse.
Wouldn't it be nice to come home to a place like that, and wouldn't its vibe be entirely enjoyable? Our Puritan mindset cringes at the thought of homes being entirely enjoyable. We believe they should be a bit of a struggle for the good of our souls. The wife and mother should be worn out and overwhelmed, stressed out, messy, and anxious all the time as she tries to take care of the kids and manage all her other responsibilities. The man should be okay with the exhausted wife, the crying babies, the poorly cooked meals, the general tired chaos of the home, and the constant financial strain on his limited income.
Is he? What is the average workingman's attitude toward this supposed haven of rest? The statistics of the temperance society are enough to show us the facts. A man does not like that kind of a place—and why should he?
Is he? What does the average working man's attitude look like towards this so-called haven of rest? The statistics from the temperance society are enough to reveal the facts. A man doesn’t like that kind of place—and why would he?
He is tired, working for six or ten; and to go from his completed labour of the day, back to his wife's uncompleted labour of the day and night, does not rest him. He wants companionship. She cannot give it him. Her talk is of the suds, the coal, the need of shoes, clothes, furniture, utensils—everything!
He’s worn out from working six or ten hours, and going back from his finished tasks to his wife’s endless chores doesn’t give him any relief. He craves companionship. She can’t provide that for him. Her conversation revolves around the dishes, the coal, the need for shoes, clothes, furniture, and household items—everything!
He wants amusement, she cannot give it him. An exhausted woman, taken every day, is not entertaining. The children are, or should be, in bed. The wife wants rest and companionship, and amusement, too; but that is another story. We are considering the man. She must stay at home in any case, the home being her place; but he does not have to, and out he goes.
He wants entertainment that she can’t provide. A worn-out woman, consumed by everyday life, isn’t fun. The kids should be in bed. The wife wants rest, companionship, and some fun, but that’s a different issue. We’re talking about the man here. She has to stay home since that’s her role; but he doesn’t have to, so he goes out.
The instinctive demands of a highly developed human creature, a social creature, are strong within him; needs as vital as the needs of the body, and utterly unsatisfied at home. Out he goes, and to the one pleasant open door—the saloon. Ease, freedom, comfort, pleasant company, talk of something new, amusement—these are the main needs; and if a stimulating drink is the necessary price, there is nothing in the average man's ill-fed stomach, overdeveloped personal selfishness, or untrained conscience, to refuse it.
The instinctive desires of a highly evolved human being, a social being, are strong within him; needs as essential as physical needs, and completely unfulfilled at home. He steps out, heading to the one inviting open door—the bar. Relaxation, freedom, comfort, enjoyable company, discussions about fresh topics, entertainment—these are the core needs; and if a drink is the required cost, there’s nothing in the average man’s poorly nourished stomach, excessive selfishness, or unrefined sense of right and wrong that would turn it down.
The measureless results in evil we all know well. Many are the noble souls devoting their life's efforts to the closing of the saloon, the driving back of erring man to the safe and supposedly all-satisfying shelter of the home. We do not dream that it is the home which drives him there.
The endless consequences of evil are well known to us all. Many dedicated individuals are putting their hearts into shutting down bars and getting lost souls to return to the comfort of home, which they believe is safe and fulfilling. Little do we realize that it’s the home itself that may be pushing him away.
One thing we have divined at last; that insufficient and ill-chosen food, villainously cooked, is one great cause of man's need for stimulants. Under this much illumination we now strive mightily to make man's private cook a better cook. If every man's wife were a Delmonico, if his appetites were catered to with absolute skill and ingenuity, would that teach him temperance and self-control?
One thing we've figured out at last is that poor quality and poorly cooked food is a major reason why people crave stimulants. With this realization, we're now working hard to make every person's home cook a better chef. If every man's wife were as skilled as a Delmonico chef, and if his cravings were satisfied with complete expertise and creativity, would that help him learn moderation and self-control?
The worse the private cook, the greater the physical need for stimulant. The better the private cook, the greater the self-indulgence developed in the happy Epicurean. But good or bad, no man of any grade can get the social stimulus he needs by spending every evening with his cook!
The worse the private cook, the greater the physical need for a pick-me-up. The better the private cook, the greater the self-indulgence in the happy Epicurean. But good or bad, no one, regardless of status, can get the social stimulation they need by spending every evening with their cook!
That is the key to the whole thing. Your cook may be "a treasure," she may cater to your needs most exquisitely, she may also be the mother of your children, as has been the case from the earliest times; but she is none the less your own personal servant, and as such not your social equal. You may love her dearly and honour her in her female capacity, also honour the excellence of her cooking, but you are not satisfied with her conversation or her skill in games.
That’s the key to everything. Your cook might be "a gem," she might attend to your needs wonderfully, and she could also be the mother of your children, as has been the case since ancient times. But she is still your personal servant and, therefore, not your social equal. You might love her a lot and respect her as a woman, as well as appreciate her cooking skills, but you’re not satisfied with her conversation or her ability in games.
The influence of the home with a working wife is not all that could be desired; and we may turn with some hope of better things to the home with a parasite wife. Here certainly the man comes home to rest and peace and comfort, and to satisfying companionship with the "eternal feminine." Here is a woman who is nothing on earth but a woman, not even a cook. Here, of course, the food is satisfactory; the children all a father's heart could wish, having the advantage of the incessant devotion of an entire mother; the machinery of the home, so painfully prominent to the workingman, is here running smoothly and unseen; and the whole thing is well within the means of the proud "provider."
The impact of a home with a working wife isn’t always ideal; we might find some hope for improvement in a home with a dependent wife. In this scenario, the man returns to a space of rest, peace, and comfort, enjoying fulfilling companionship with the "eternal feminine." Here is a woman who embodies femininity completely, not even taking on the role of a cook. Naturally, the meals are satisfactory; the kids meet every father’s desire, benefiting from the unwavering dedication of a full-time mother. The operations of the household, which can be a struggle for a working man, are now running smoothly and unnoticed, and everything is well within the means of the proud "provider."
What the food supply is in the hands of the housemaid we have seen. What the child is in the hands of the nursemaid, we may see anywhere. The parasitic woman by no means uses the time free of housework to devote herself to her children. A mother is essentially a worker. When a woman does not work it dries the very springs of motherhood. The idler she is, the less she does for her children. The rich man's children are as often an anxiety and disappointment to him as the poor man's.
What the food supply is in the hands of the housemaid we have seen. What the child is in the hands of the nursemaid, we may see anywhere. The parasitic woman definitely does not use her free time away from housework to focus on her children. A mother is fundamentally a worker. When a woman doesn't work, it stifles the very essence of motherhood. The more idle she is, the less she does for her children. The rich man's children are just as often a source of anxiety and disappointment for him as the poor man's.
The expense of the place is a thing of progressive dimensions. The home of the parasitic woman is a bottomless pit for money. She is never content. How could a human creature be content in such an unnatural position? She is supplied with nourishment; she has such social stimulus as her superficial contact with her kind affords, but nothing comes out; there is no commensurate action.
The cost of the place keeps increasing. The home of the dependent woman is a never-ending money pit. She is never satisfied. How could anyone be happy in such an unnatural situation? She has food provided; she gets some social interaction from the limited contact with others, but nothing of value comes from it; there is no equivalent return.
In the uneasy distress of this position her only idea of relief is to get something more; if she is not satisfied after one dinner, get or give another dinner; if not satisfied with one dress, get two, get twenty, get them all! If the home does not satisfy, by all means get another one in the country; perhaps that will feel different; try first one and then the other. If the two, or three, should pall, get a yacht, go to some other country, get more things to put in the home or on one's pretty body; get, get, get! and never a thought of the ease and freedom and joy that would come of Doing. Not of playing at doing, with a hot poker or a modelling tool—but really doing human work. It does not occur to her, and it does not occur to him. He thinks it right and beautiful to maintain the dainty domestic vampire, and pours forth his life's service to meet her insatiate demands. All the reward he asks is her love and faith, her sweet companionship.
In the stressful situation she's in, her only idea of relief is to get more; if she's not satisfied after one dinner, she'll have another dinner; if one dress doesn't cut it, she'll get two, then twenty, then all of them! If her home isn't fulfilling, then she’ll definitely look for another one in the countryside; maybe that will feel different; try one and then the other. If the two or three don’t satisfy her, she might buy a yacht, travel to another country, or get more things to fill her home or adorn her body; get, get, get! and never consider the ease, freedom, and joy that come from actually doing something. Not just pretending to do something with a hot poker or a modeling tool—but truly engaging in meaningful work. It never crosses her mind, and it doesn't cross his either. He believes it's right and beautiful to keep indulging her endless needs, dedicating his life to fulfill her insatiable demands. All he wants in return is her love and faith, her sweet companionship.
May we look, then, in homes of this class for an ideal influence on man? Consecrating his life to the business of not only feeding and clothing, but profusely decorating and amusing a useless woman,—does this have an elevating effect on him? When he thinks of how charming she will look in the costly fur, the lace, the jewels, how she will enjoy the new home, the new carriage, the new furniture; of her fresh and ceaseless delight in her "social functions"—does his heart leap within him?
Can we really expect to find an ideal influence on men in homes like this? Dedicating his life to not only providing food and clothing but also excessively decorating and entertaining an unproductive woman—does this truly lift him up? When he imagines how beautiful she will look in the expensive fur, the lace, the jewels, how happy she will be in the new house, the new carriage, the new furniture; and her constant joy in her "social events"—does it make his heart race?
He performs wonders in business, honest or dishonest, useful to mankind or cruel; he slowly relinquishes the ideals of his youth, devotes his talents to whatever will make the most money, even prostitutes his political conscience, and robs the city and the state, in order to meet the demands of that fair, plump, smiling Queen of the Home.
He works miracles in business, whether it's ethical or unethical, beneficial to people or harmful; he gradually lets go of the ideals from his youth and uses his skills for whatever will earn him the most money, even compromising his political beliefs, and takes from the city and the state to satisfy the needs of that charming, well-fed, smiling Queen of the Home.
And she gives in return—? Her influence is—? The working wife does not lift a man up very high. The parasite wife pulls him down. The home of the working wife gives to boy and man the impression that women are servants. The home of the idle wife gives to boy and man the impression that women are useless and rapacious; but, we must have them because they are women.
And what does she offer in return? What’s her impact? A working wife doesn’t elevate a man much. A dependent wife brings him down. The home of a working wife suggests to both boys and men that women are helpers. The home of a non-working wife suggests to both boys and men that women are useless and greedy; yet, we feel we need them because they are women.
This is the worst that the home shows us, and is, fortunately, confined to a minority of cases. But it is none the less an evil influence of large extent. It leaves to the woman no functions whatever save those of the female, and, as exaggeration is never health, does not improve her as a female.
This is the worst that home life reveals, and thankfully, it's limited to a small number of cases. However, it still exerts a significant negative influence. It restricts women to no roles beyond those traditionally assigned to them, and since exaggeration is never healthy, it doesn't help them grow positively as individuals.
The really restful and stimulating companionship of man and wife, the general elevating social intercourse between men and women, is not to be found in the homes of the wealthy any more than in those of the poor. The demands upon the man are unending, and the returns in good to body or mind bear no proportion to the expense. The woman who has no other field of usefulness or growth than a home wherein she is not even the capable servant, cannot be the strong, noble, uplifting creature who does good to man; but rapidly becomes the type most steadily degrading.
The truly restful and energizing partnership between husband and wife, the uplifting social interactions between men and women, can be found neither in wealthy homes nor in those of the poor. The demands on men are endless, and the benefits to their well-being don’t match the costs. A woman who has no other purpose or opportunity for growth than to manage a home where she isn't even a competent caretaker can't be the strong, noble, uplifting person who contributes positively to society; instead, she often becomes the most consistently degrading type.
XV
Home and Social Development
If there is one fact more patent than another in regard to social evolution, it is that our gain is far greater in material progress than in personal. The vast and rapid increase in wealth, in power, in knowledge, in facility and speed in production and distribution; the great spread of political, religious, and educational advantages; all this is in no way equalled by any gain in personal health and personal happiness.
If there's one obvious fact about social progress, it's that our advancements in material terms far outweigh any improvements in personal aspects. The huge and quick growth in wealth, power, knowledge, and the efficiency and speed of production and distribution; the significant expansion of political, religious, and educational benefits; all of this does not compare to any gains in personal health and well-being.
The world grows apace; the people do not keep pace with it. Our most important machines miss much of their usefulness because the brain of the workman has not improved as rapidly as the machine. Great systems of transportation, involving intricate mechanical arrangement, break continually at this, their weakest link—the human being. We create and maintain elaborate systems of justice and equity, of legislation, administration, education; and they are always open to failure in this same spot—the men are not equal to the system.
The world is progressing quickly, but people aren't keeping up. Our most essential machines lose a lot of their effectiveness because workers' skills haven't developed as fast as the technology. Complex transportation systems, which rely on intricate mechanics, frequently fail at their weakest point—the human factor. We build and uphold detailed systems of justice, laws, administration, and education, but they are always vulnerable to failure because the people involved aren't as capable as the systems themselves.
The advance in public good is far greater than the advance in private good. We have improved every facility in living; but we still live largely as before—sick, feeble, foolishly quarrelling over small personal matters, unaware of our own great place in social evolution. This has always been known to us and has been used only to prove our ancient theory as to the corrupt and paltry stuff humanity is made of. "Frail creatures of dust, and feeble as frail," is our grovelling confession; and to those who try to take comfort in our undeniable historic gains, it has been triumphantly pointed out that, gain as we would, "the human heart" was no better—"poor human nature" was unimprovable. This is utterly untrue.
The progress in the public good far surpasses the progress in the private good. We've improved all aspects of living; yet we still live similarly to before—sick, weak, and foolishly arguing over trivial personal issues, oblivious to our significant role in social evolution. We’ve always known this, and it's been used only to reinforce our old theory about the corrupt and petty nature of humanity. "Fragile creatures of dust, and weak as fragile," is our humble confession; and for those who try to find solace in our undeniable historical achievements, it has been triumphantly pointed out that, no matter how much we advance, "the human heart" remains unchanged—"poor human nature" is beyond improvement. This is completely false.
Human nature has changed and improved in tremendous ratio; and, if its improvement has been strangely irregular, far greater in social life than in personal life, it is for a very simple reason. All these large social processes which show such marked improvement are those wherein people work together in legitimate specialised lines in the world. These personal processes which have not so improved, the parts of life which are still so limited and imperfectly developed, may be fully accounted for by their environment—the ancient and unchanging home. Bring the home abreast of our other institutions; and our personal health and happiness will equal our public gains.
Human nature has changed and improved significantly; and while this improvement has been oddly inconsistent, being much more pronounced in social life than in personal life, there's a straightforward reason for that. The major social advancements we're seeing come from people collaborating in specialized roles in society. The personal aspects of life that haven't improved as much, which remain limited and underdeveloped, can be largely attributed to their environment—the old and unchanging home. If we bring the home in line with our other institutions, our personal well-being and happiness will match our public achievements.
Once more it must be stated that the true home, the legitimate and necessary home, the home in right proportion and development, is wholly good. It is at once the beautiful beginning, the constant help, and one legitimate end of a life's work. To the personal life, the physical life, this is enough. To the social life, it is not. If human duty had no other scope than to maintain and reproduce this species of animal, that duty might be accomplished in the home. The purely maternal female, having no other reason for being than to bear and rear young; a marauding male, to whom the world was but a hunting ground wherein to find food for his family—these, and their unimproved successors, need nothing more than homes. But human duty is not so limited. These processes of reproduction are indeed essential to our human life, as are the processes of respiration and digestion, but they do not constitute that life, much less conclude it.
Once again, it should be emphasized that a true home, the rightful and essential home, one that is balanced and developed properly, is completely positive. It represents a beautiful beginning, a consistent support, and a valid purpose for a person's work throughout life. For individual experiences and physical existence, that's enough. But for social life, it isn't. If our responsibilities were only about preserving and reproducing this species, that could be fulfilled within the home. The purely maternal woman, whose only purpose is to give birth and raise children; a hunting male, who sees the world merely as a place to gather food for his family—these individuals, along with their unrefined descendants, only need homes. However, human responsibilities go beyond that. While reproduction is crucial to our human existence, just like breathing and eating, it doesn't define life, let alone conclude it.
As human beings, our main field of duty lies in promoting social advance. To maintain ourselves and our families is an animal duty we share with the other animals; to maintain each other, and, by so doing to increase our social efficiency, is human duty, first, last, and always. We have always seen the necessity for social groups, religious, political, and other; we have more or less fulfilled our social functions therein; but we have in the main supposed that all this common effort was merely for the greater safety and happiness of homes; and when the interests of the home and those of the state clashed, most of us have put home first.
As humans, our main responsibility is to promote social progress. Taking care of ourselves and our families is a basic duty we share with other animals; looking out for each other and, in turn, boosting our social effectiveness is our primary human obligation. We've always recognized the need for social groups—religious, political, and others—and we’ve done our part within those groups. However, we often assumed that all this collective effort was just for the greater safety and happiness of our homes. When the interests of our homes conflicted with those of the state, most of us prioritized home.
The first person to learn better was that very earliest of social servants, the soldier. He learned first of all to combine for the common good, and though his plane of service was the lowest of all, mere destruction, the group sentiments involved were of the highest order. The destructive belligerence of the male, and his antecedent centuries of brute combat, made fighting qualities most prominent; but the union and organisation required for successful human warfare called out high social qualities, too. The habit of acting together necessarily develops in the brain the power and desire to act together; the fact that success or failure, life or death, advantage or injury, depends on collective action, necessarily develops the social consciousness. This modification we find in the army everywhere, gradually increasing with race-heredity; and, long since, so far overwhelming the original egoism of the individual animal, that the common soldier habitually sacrifices his life to the public service without hesitation.
The first group of people to improve was the earliest social servants: the soldiers. They learned to work together for the common good, and even though their service was the most basic, focused on destruction, the group feelings involved were very strong. The aggressive nature of males and their long history of brutal fights emphasized fighting skills, but the teamwork and organization needed for effective warfare also highlighted important social qualities. The practice of cooperating builds the brain's ability and desire to work together; the reality that success or failure, life or death, and gain or loss depend on collective effort naturally fosters social awareness. We see this change in the army everywhere, steadily increasing with inherited traits, and it has long since overshadowed the original self-centeredness of individual animals to the point that the average soldier willingly sacrifices his life for public service without a second thought.
The steps in social evolution must always be made in this same natural order, from one stage of development to another, by means of existing qualities. Primitive man had no altruism, he had no honour, his courage was flickering and wholly personal; he had no sense of order and discipline, of self-control and self-sacrifice; but he had a strong inclination to fight, and by means of that one tendency he was led into relations which developed all those other qualities.
The steps in social evolution must always follow this same natural order, progressing from one stage of development to the next, using the qualities that already exist. Primitive man lacked altruism, he had no sense of honor, his courage was inconsistent and entirely personal; he had no understanding of order and discipline, self-control, or self-sacrifice; however, he had a strong urge to fight, and through that single tendency, he was drawn into relationships that fostered all those other qualities.
It is easy to see that this stage of our social development was diametrically opposed by the home. The interests of the home demanded personal service; the habits of the home bred industry and patience; the influence of the inmates of the home, of the women and children, did not promote martial qualities. So our valorous ancestor promptly left home and went a-fighting, for thousands and thousands of years, while human life was maintained by the women at home.
It’s clear that this stage of our social development was completely at odds with home life. The needs of the home required personal service; the routines at home fostered hard work and patience; the influence of those at home, particularly women and children, didn’t encourage martial qualities. So, our brave ancestors quickly left home to fight, for thousands and thousands of years, while women kept human life going at home.
When men gradually learned to apply their energies to production, instead of destruction; learning in slow, painful, costly ages that wealth was in no way increased by robbing, nor productive strength by slaughter; they were able to apply to their new occupations some of the advantageous qualities gained in the old. Thus industry grew, spread, organised, and the power and riches and wisdom of the world began to develop.
When people gradually learned to focus their efforts on creating rather than destroying; discovering over slow, painful, and costly periods that wealth wasn't increased by stealing, nor productivity by killing; they could bring some of the beneficial traits acquired from the past to their new jobs. In this way, industry expanded, organized, and the power, wealth, and knowledge of the world started to grow.
As far back as history can go we find some men producing, even while a large and important caste was still fighting. The warriors sought wealth by plundering other nations, not realising that if the other nations had been all warriors there would have been nothing to plunder. Slowly the wealth-makers overtook the wealth-takers, caught up with them, passed them; and now the greater part of the masculine energy of the world is devoted to productive industry in some form, and the army is recruited from the lowest ranks of life.
As far back as history goes, some men were creating while a significant group was still focused on fighting. The warriors aimed to gain wealth by raiding other nations, not realizing that if those nations had all been warriors, there would have been nothing to take. Gradually, the wealth creators surpassed the wealth takers, and now most of the male energy in the world is dedicated to productive work in various forms, while the military recruits from the lower classes.
In this new field of social service, productive industry, what is the influence of the home? At first it was altogether good. To wean the man from his all too-natural instinct to wander, kill, and rob, the attractions of home life were needed. To centre and localise his pride and power, to make him bend his irregular expansive tendencies to the daily performance of labour, was a difficult task; and here again he had to be led by the force of existing qualities. The woman was the great drawing power here, the ease and comfort of the place, the growing love of family, and these influences slowly overcame the warrior and bound him to the plough.
In this new area of social service, productive industry, how does the home influence things? At first, it was entirely positive. To help the man move away from his natural instincts to wander, kill, and steal, he needed the appeal of home life. It was challenging to focus his pride and strength, to channel his natural tendencies toward daily work, and once again, he had to be guided by existing qualities. The woman played a crucial role here, along with the comfort of the home, the growing love for family, and these influences gradually tamed the warrior and connected him to the plow.
Thus far the home influence led him up, and, in turn, his military qualities lifted the home industries from the feminine plane to the human. To produce wealth for the home to consume was a better position than that of living by plunder; but we should have small cause to glory in the march of civilisation if that was all we had done.
Thus far, the influence of home pushed him forward, and in turn, his military skills elevated home industries from being just a woman's concern to being a part of human achievement. Creating wealth for the home to enjoy was a better situation than relying on plunder; however, we wouldn’t have much to celebrate in the progress of civilization if that was all we accomplished.
Just as the fierce and brutal savage, entering into military combination, under no better instincts than self-defence and natural belligerence, yet learned by virtue of that combination new and noble qualities; so the still fierce and brutal soldier, entering into industrial combination under no better instincts than those of sex-attraction and physical wants in increasing degree, yet learned, by virtue of this form of union, new qualities even more valuable to the race.
Just like the fierce and brutal savage, who joins forces for military reasons driven solely by self-defense and a natural aggression, but ends up developing new and admirable traits through that alliance; the equally fierce and brutal soldier, coming together in an industrial collaboration motivated by nothing more than attraction and physical needs, also discovers, through this union, new qualities that are even more valuable to humanity.
The life of any society is based on the successful interaction of its members, rather than the number of its families. For instance, in those vast, fat, ancient empires, where a vast population, scattered over wide territory, supported local life in detached families, by individual effort; there was almost no national life, no general sense of unity, no conscious connection of interests. The one tie was taxation; and if some passing conqueror annexed a province, the only change was in the tax-collector, and the people were not injured unless he demanded more than the previous one.
The life of any society relies on the successful interactions among its members, rather than just the number of families it has. For example, in those large, wealthy, ancient empires, where a huge population spread across a vast territory supported local life through individual efforts in separate families, there was almost no sense of national identity, no feeling of unity, and no awareness of shared interests. The only connection was through taxation; if a conquering force took over a province, the only difference was the tax collector, and the people were only affected if he demanded more than the previous one.
A vital nation must exist in the vivid common consciousness of its people; a consciousness naturally developed by enlarging social functions, by undeniable common interests and mutual services. If any passing conqueror were to annex—or seek to annex—a portion of our vast territory, he would find no slice of jellyfish, no mere cellular existence with almost no organised life. He would find that every last and least part of the country was vitally one with the whole, and would submit to no dismemberment. This social consciousness, on which our civilised life depends, in the growth of which lies social progress, is not developed in the home. On the contrary it is opposed by it. Up to a certain level the home promotes social development. Beyond that level it hinders it, if allowed to do so.
A vital nation must exist in the vivid shared awareness of its people; an awareness naturally developed through expanded social functions, undeniable common interests, and mutual support. If any passing conqueror were to try to annex a part of our vast territory, they wouldn't find just a slice of jellyfish or a mere cellular existence with little organized life. They would see that every single part of the country is deeply connected to the whole and would not accept any dismemberment. This social awareness, which our civilized life relies on and where social progress lies, is not developed at home. In fact, it often opposes it. Up to a certain point, the home encourages social development. Beyond that point, it can hinder it if allowed to.
Self-interest drove men into military combination—where they learned much. Family interest drove them into industrial activity, and even allowed a low form of combination. But social interest is what leads us all farthest and highest; the impulse to live, not for self-preservation only, not for reproduction only, but for social progress. It should not be hard to see that these apparently dissimilar and opposed interests can only be harmonised by the dominance of the greatest. The man who would strive for his own advantage at the expense of his family, we call a brute. The man who strives for the advantage of his family at the expense of his country—we should call a traitor! Yet this is the common attitude of the citizen of to-day, and in this attitude he is maintained and extolled by the home! The soldier who would seek to save his own life to the injury of the army we promptly shoot. If he should seek to save his home at the same risk, we should still dishonour and punish him.
Self-interest drove men to join the military, where they learned a lot. Family interests pushed them into industrial activities, even allowing for some basic teamwork. But social interest is what truly drives us to achieve the most; it's about living not just for survival or reproduction, but for social progress. It shouldn’t be hard to see that these seemingly different and conflicting interests can only be aligned when the greatest interest takes priority. A man who seeks his own benefit at the expense of his family is seen as a brute. A man who seeks his family's benefit at the expense of his country would be labeled a traitor! Yet, this is the common mindset of today’s citizens, and this mindset is supported and praised by society! A soldier who tries to save his own life at the expense of his unit would be shot immediately. If he tried to protect his home at the same risk, he would still face dishonor and punishment.
The army, very highly developed in a very low scheme of action, knows that neither self nor family must stand for a moment against the public service. Industry is not so well organised as warfare, and so our scale of industrial virtues is not so high. We degrade and punish for "conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman"; but we take no cognisance of "conduct unbecoming a manufacturer and a gentleman," unless he is an open malefactor. Yet a manufacturer is a far higher and more valuable social servant than a soldier of any grade. We do not yet know the true order of importance in our social functions, nor their distinctly organic nature.
The army, which is highly advanced in a very limited way of operating, understands that neither personal interests nor family matters can interfere with public service. Industry isn’t as well organized as the military, so our standards for industrial virtues aren’t as high. We penalize and criticize for "conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman," but we rarely address "conduct unbecoming a manufacturer and a gentleman," unless the person is clearly a wrongdoer. However, a manufacturer is actually a much more significant and valuable contributor to society than any soldier. We still haven’t figured out the true order of importance of our social roles, or their inherently connected nature.
With our proven capacity, why do we manifest so little progress in industrial organisation and devotion? A student of prehuman evolution, one familiar only with nature's long, slow, stumbling process of developing by exclusion—like driving a flock of sheep by killing those who went the wrong way—might answer the question in this manner: That we have not been engaged in industrial processes long enough to develop the desired qualities. This is usually considered the evolutionary standpoint; and from it we are advised not to be impatient, and are told that a few thousand years' more killing will do much for us.
With our proven ability, why do we show so little progress in industrial organization and commitment? A student of prehuman evolution, someone who only understands nature's long, slow, awkward process of developing through exclusion—like herding sheep by getting rid of those that stray—might answer the question like this: We haven't been involved in industrial processes long enough to develop the qualities we want. This is often viewed as the evolutionary perspective; and from it, we're advised not to be impatient and told that a few thousand more years of elimination will greatly benefit us.
But social evolution takes place on quite other grounds. We have added education to heredity; mutual help to the cruel and wasteful processes of elimination. The very essence of social relation is its transmission of individual advance to the collective. Physical evolution acts only through physical heredity; we have that in common with all animals; but we have also social heredity, that great psychic current of transmitted wisdom and emotion which immortalises the gains of the past and generalises the gains of the present.
But social evolution happens on completely different terms. We've added education to genetics and mutual support to the harsh and wasteful processes of elimination. The core of social relationships is how individual progress is shared with the collective. Physical evolution operates solely through biological inheritance; that's something we share with all animals. However, we also have a social inheritance—the powerful current of shared knowledge and emotions that preserves the benefits of the past and amplifies the achievements of the present.
A system of free public education does more to develop the brains of a people than many thousand years of "natural selection," and does not prevent natural selection, either.
A system of free public education contributes more to enhancing the intellect of a population than many thousands of years of "natural selection," and it doesn’t hinder natural selection, either.
The one capacity wherein the world does not progress as it should is the power of social intelligence; of a rational, efficiently acting, common consciousness. Our "body politic" is like that of a vigorous, well-grown idiot. We have all the machinery for large, rich, satisfying life; and inside is the dim, limited mind, incapable of enjoyment or action. It has been found in recent years that idiocy may result from a too small skull; the bones have not enlarged, and the brain, compressed and stunted, cannot perform its functions. In one case this was most cruelly proven, by an operation upon an old man, from birth and idiot. His skull was opened and so treated as to give more room to the imprisoned brain, and, with what hopeless horror can be imagined, the man became intelligently conscious at last—conscious of what his life had been!
The one area where the world hasn't progressed as it should is in social intelligence—the rational, efficient functioning of our collective consciousness. Our "body politic" resembles that of a vigorous, well-grown simpleton. We have all the tools for a rich, fulfilling life, yet inside lies a dim, limited mind, unable to enjoy or take action. Recently, it has been discovered that idiocy can result from having a skull that’s too small; the bones haven't grown, and the compressed, stunted brain can't perform its functions. In one particularly cruel case, an operation was performed on a man who had been an idiot since birth. His skull was opened and treated to provide more space for the trapped brain, and with an unimaginable sense of hopeless horror, the man finally became aware—aware of what his life had been!
There is some similar arrest in the development of the social consciousness; else our cities would not sit gnawing and tearing at themselves, indifferent to dirt, disease, or vice, and enjoying only physical comfort. If any operation should give sudden new light to this long-clouded civic brain, we might feel the same horror of the years behind us, but not the same hopelessness—society is immortal.
There is some similar halt in the growth of social awareness; otherwise our cities wouldn't be constantly in turmoil, careless about filth, illness, or wrongdoing, and focused only on physical comfort. If something could suddenly bring clarity to this long-darkened civic mind, we might experience the same shock about the past years, but not the same despair—society will endure.
It is here suggested that one check to the social development proper to our time is the pressure of the rudimentary home. We are quite willing to admit that a home life we consider wrong, as the Chinese or Turkish, can paralyse a nation. We have even come to see that the position of women is a good gauge of progress. Is it so hard, then, to admit at least a possibility that the position of our women, the nature of our homes, may have some important influence upon our social growth? There is no demand that we destroy the home, any more than that we destroy the women, but we must change their relative position.
It is suggested here that one obstacle to the social development appropriate to our time is the pressure of an outdated home life. We readily acknowledge that a family environment we view as wrong, like that of the Chinese or Turkish, can immobilize a nation. We've even started to realize that the status of women is a strong indicator of progress. Is it really so difficult to accept that the status of our women and the nature of our homes might significantly impact our social growth? There is no call to eliminate the home, just as there is no call to eliminate women, but we must change their relative position.
The brain is the medium of social contact, the plane of human development. The savage is incapable of large relation because his mental area is not big enough; he is not used to such extensive combinations. Where the brain is accustomed only to incessant consideration of its own private interests, and to direct personal service of those interests, it is thereby prevented from developing the capacity for seeing the public interests, and for indirect collective service of those interests. The habit, continuous and unrelieved, of thinking in a small circuit checks the power to think in a large circuit.
The brain is the center of social interaction and the foundation of human growth. A primitive person can't handle large relationships because their mental space isn't expansive enough; they aren't familiar with such broad connections. When the brain is only used to constantly focusing on its own individual interests and directly serving those interests, it limits its ability to recognize public interests and to support those interests indirectly and collectively. The ongoing habit of thinking in a narrow scope hinders the ability to think in a broader context.
This arrested brain development, this savage limitation to the personal, and mainly to the physical, is what we have so rigidly enforced upon women. The primitive home to the primitive mind is sufficient; but the progress of the mind requires a commensurate progress of the home—and has not had it. Owing to our peculiar and unnatural division of life-area, half the race has been free to move on, and so has accomplished much for all of us; but the other half, being confined to the same position it occupied in the infancy of society, has been denied that freedom and that progress. Owing again to the inexorable reunion of these divided halves in each child, physical heredity does what it can to bridge the gulf, the ever-widening gulf; pouring into the stationary woman some share of the modern abilities of social man; and also forcing upon the moving man some share of the primitive disabilities of the domestic woman. We thus have a strange and painful condition of life.
This limited brain development, this harsh restriction to the personal, and mainly to the physical, is what we have so strictly imposed on women. The basic home is enough for a basic mind; however, as the mind evolves, the home must progress accordingly—and it hasn't. Because of our odd and unnatural division of life, one half of the population has been able to advance, achieving much for everyone; yet the other half, stuck in the same role it held during society's early days, has been denied that freedom and progress. Furthermore, due to the unavoidable reunion of these divided halves in each child, physical heredity tries to bridge the growing divide, infusing the stationary woman with some of the modern skills of social men; while also imposing upon the active man some of the outdated limitations of the domestic woman. This results in a peculiar and uncomfortable way of life.
Social progress, attained wholly by the male, gives to the unprogressive woman unrest, discontent, disease. The more society advances, the less she can endure her ancient restrictions. Hence arises much evil and more unhappiness. Domestic inertia, maintained by the woman, gives to the progressive man a tremendous undertow of private selfishness and short-sightedness. Hence more evil, far more; for the social processes are the most important; and a deeper unhappiness too; for the shame of the social traitor, the helplessness of the home-bound man who knows his larger duty but cannot meet it, is a higher plane of suffering than hers, and also adds to hers continually.
Social progress, achieved entirely by men, leads to unrest, discontent, and illness for women who are left behind. As society moves forward, women find it harder to tolerate their outdated limitations. This situation brings about a lot of problems and more unhappiness. The inertia within the home, maintained by women, creates a significant burden of selfishness and shortsightedness for progressive men. This leads to even more problems; the dynamics of society are crucial, and it brings a deeper sense of unhappiness as well. The shame of the social traitor and the helplessness of the man stuck at home, who knows he has a larger role to play but can’t fulfill it, is a more profound pain than that of women, and it continuously adds to their suffering.
All this evil and distress is due not at all to the blessed influence of the true home, suited to our time, but to the anything but blessed influence of a home suited to the Stone Age—or perhaps the Bronze! It is not in the least necessary. The change we require does not involve the loss of one essential good and lovely thing. It does not injure womanhood, but improves it. It does not injure childhood, but improves it. It does not injure manhood, but improves that too.
All this evil and suffering isn't caused by the positive influence of a true home that fits our time; it’s due to the anything but positive influence of a home that belongs to the Stone Age—or maybe even the Bronze Age! It’s absolutely unnecessary. The change we need doesn’t mean losing a single essential good or beautiful thing. It doesn’t harm womanhood; it enhances it. It doesn’t harm childhood; it enhances that too. It doesn’t harm manhood; it improves that as well.
What is the proposed change? It is the recognition of a new order of duties, a new scale of virtues; or rather it is the practical adoption of that order long since established by the facts of business, the science of government, and by all great religions. Our own religion in especial, the most progressive, the most social, gives no sanction whatever to our own archaic cult of home-worship.
What is the proposed change? It's the acknowledgment of a new set of responsibilities, a new standard of values; or more accurately, it's the practical acceptance of that structure long established by the realities of business, the principles of governance, and by all major religions. Our own religion, in particular, the most progressive and social, offers no support whatsoever for our outdated practice of home-worship.
What is there in the teachings of Christianity to justify—much less command—this devotion to animal comfort, to physical relations, to the A B C of life? In his own life Christ rose above all family ties; his disciples he called to leave all and follow him; the devotion he recognised was that of Mary to the truth, not of Martha to the housekeeping; and the love he taught, that love which is the beginning and the end of Christian life, is not the love of one's own merely, but of the whole world. "Whoso careth not for his own is worse than an infidel"—truly. And whoso careth only for his own is no better!
What do the teachings of Christianity have to justify—let alone demand—this focus on animal comfort, physical needs, and the basics of life? In his own life, Christ transcended all family bonds; he called his disciples to abandon everything and follow him. The devotion he acknowledged was Mary’s commitment to the truth, not Martha’s dedication to household chores. The love he preached, which is the essence of Christian life, isn’t just about caring for oneself, but for the entire world. "Whoever doesn’t care for their own is worse than an infidel"—that’s true. And whoever only cares for their own is no better!
Besides—and this should reconcile the reluctant heart—this antiquated method of serving the family does not serve them to the best advantage. In what way does a man best benefit his family? By staying at home and doing what he can with his own two hands—whereby no family on earth would ever have more than the labour of one affectionate amateur could provide; or by going out from the home and serving other people in a specialised trade—whereby his family and all families are gradually supplied with peace and plenty, supported and protected by the allied forces of civilisation?
Besides—and this should ease any doubts—this outdated way of taking care of the family does not benefit them the most. How does a man truly help his family? By staying home and doing what he can with his own two hands—ensuring that no family on earth would ever have more than what one caring individual can provide; or by leaving home to serve others in a specialized job—thereby gradually providing his family and all families with peace and abundance, supported and protected by the combined efforts of society?
In what way does a woman best benefit her family? By staying at home and doing what she can with her own two hands—whereby no family ever has more than the labour of one affectionate amateur can provide—or by enlarging her motherhood as man has enlarged his fatherhood, and giving to her family the same immense advantages that he has given it? We have always assumed that the woman could do most by staying at home. Is this so? Can we prove it? Why is that which is so palpably false of a man held to be true of a woman? "Because men and woman are different!" will be stoutly replied. Of course they are different—in sex, but not in humanity. In every human quality and power they are alike; and the right service of the home, the right care and training of the child, call for human qualities and powers, not merely for sex-distinctions.
In what way does a woman best benefit her family? By staying at home and doing what she can with her own two hands—where no family ever has more than the work of one caring individual can provide—or by expanding her motherhood just as men have expanded their fatherhood, and giving her family the same huge advantages that men have provided? We have always assumed that women could do most by staying at home. Is this true? Can we prove it? Why is it that what is clearly false for men is considered true for women? "Because men and women are different!" will be strongly argued. Of course, they are different—in terms of sex, but not in humanity. In every human quality and ability, they are the same; and the right way to serve the home, to care for and raise children, requires human qualities and abilities, not just sex-based differences.
The home, in its arbitrary position of arrested development, does not properly fulfil its own essential functions—much less promote the social ones. Among the splendid activities of our age it lingers on, inert and blind, like a clam in a horse-race.
The home, stuck in its random state of stagnation, doesn’t really serve its basic purposes—let alone support the social ones. Amid the amazing activities of our time, it lingers on, inactive and oblivious, like a clam at a horse race.
It hinders, by keeping woman a social idiot, by keeping the modern child under the tutelage of the primeval mother, by keeping the social conscience of the man crippled and stultified in the clinging grip of the domestic conscience of the woman. It hinders by its enormous expense; making the physical details of daily life a heavy burden to mankind; whereas, in our stage of civilisation, they should have been long since reduced to a minor incident.
It holds women back by making them socially uninformed, by keeping modern children reliant on the outdated parenting of their mothers, and by stifling men's social awareness due to women's traditional domestic roles. It also hinders progress because of its high costs, turning the everyday details of life into a significant burden for people, when, at this point in our civilization, those details should have already been streamlined into something minor.
Consider what the mere protection and defence of life used to cost, when every man had to be fighter most of his life. Ninety per cent., say, of masculine energy went to defend life; while the remaining ten, and the women, in a narrow, feeble way, maintained it. They lived, to be sure, fighting all the time for the sorry privilege. Now we have systematised military service so that only a tiny fraction of our men, for a very short period of life, need be soldiers; and peace is secured, not by constant painful struggles, but by an advanced economic system. "Eternal vigilance" may be "the price of liberty," but it is a very high price; and paid only by the barbarian who has not risen to the stage of civilised service.
Think about what just protecting and defending life used to cost when most men had to be fighters for most of their lives. Let's say ninety percent of male energy went into defending life, while the remaining ten percent, along with women, maintained it in a limited and weak way. They lived, of course, constantly fighting for that unfortunate privilege. Now, we’ve organized military service so that only a tiny fraction of our men need to be soldiers for a very short time in their lives; peace is maintained not through constant struggles but by a sophisticated economic system. "Eternal vigilance" might be "the price of liberty," but that's a very steep price, and it's only paid by those who haven't evolved to the level of civilized service.
Organisation among men has reduced this wasteful and crippling habit of being every-man-his-own-soldier. We do not have to carry a rifle and peer around every street-corner for a hidden foe. As a result the released energy of the ninety per cent. men, a tenth being large allowance for all the fighting necessary, is now poured into the channels that lead to wealth, peace, education, general progress.
Organization among people has diminished the wasteful and damaging notion of everyone being their own soldier. We don’t need to carry a rifle and look around every corner for a hidden enemy. As a result, the energy of the ninety percent of people—allowing for a small portion dedicated to necessary fighting—is now directed towards paths that lead to wealth, peace, education, and overall progress.
Yet we are still willing that the personal care of life, the service of daily physical needs, shall monopolise as many women as that old custom of universal warfare monopolised men! Ninety per cent. of the feminine energy of the world is still spent in ministering laboriously to the last details of bodily maintenance; and the other tenth is supposed to do nothing but supervise the same tasks, and flutter about in fruitless social amusement. This crude waste of half the world's force keeps back human progress just as heavily as the waste of the other half did.
Yet we still allow the personal care of life and the daily physical needs to consume as many women as the old tradition of universal warfare consumed men! Ninety percent of women's energy in the world is still spent laboriously managing the minutiae of bodily maintenance; and the other ten percent is expected to do nothing but oversee those same tasks and engage in pointless social activities. This blatant waste of half the world's potential hinders human progress just as much as the waste of the other half did.
By as much as the world has grown toward peace and power and unity since men left off spending their lives in universal warfare, will it grow further toward that much-desired plane when women leave off spending their lives in universal house-service. The mere release of that vast fund of energy will in itself increase all the facilities of living; but there is a much more important consequence.
By as much as the world has moved towards peace, strength, and unity since people stopped dedicating their lives to constant warfare, it will progress even more towards that desired state when women no longer dedicate their lives to endless housework. Just the freeing up of that immense amount of energy will, in itself, improve everyone's quality of life; but there’s an even more significant outcome.
The omnipresent domestic ideal is a deadly hinderance to the social ideal. When half our population honestly believe that they have no duties outside the home, the other half will not become phenomenal statesmen. This cook-and-housemaid level of popular thought is the great check. The social perspective is entirely lost; and a million short-sighted homes, each seeing only its own interests, cannot singly or together grasp the common good which would benefit them all.
The ever-present home ideal is a major obstacle to the social ideal. When half of our population truly believes that they have no responsibilities beyond their home, the other half won't rise to become exceptional leaders. This mindset, focused on domestic tasks, greatly limits us. The broader social view disappears completely; and a million self-centered households, each only focused on their own interests, cannot individually or collectively understand the common good that would benefit everyone.
That the home has improved as much as it has is due to the freedom of man outside it. That it is still so clumsy, so inadequate, so wickedly wasteful of time, of money, of human life, is due to the confinement of woman inside it.
That the home has improved as much as it has is because of the freedom of people outside of it. That it is still so awkward, so insufficient, and so ridiculously wasteful of time, money, and human life, is because of the restriction placed on women within it.
What sort of citizens do we need for the best city—the best state—the best country—the best world? We need men and women who are sufficiently large-minded to see and feel a common need, to work for a common good, to rejoice in the advance of all, and to know as the merest platitude that their private advantage is to be assured only by the common weal. That kind of mind is not bred in the kitchen.
What kind of citizens do we need for the best city, the best state, the best country, the best world? We need people who are open-minded enough to recognize and understand a shared need, to work for the common good, to celebrate the progress of everyone, and to realize, as a basic truth, that their personal success can only be guaranteed through the well-being of the community. That kind of mindset isn't cultivated in the kitchen.
A citizenship wherein all men were either house-servants or idlers would not show much advance. Neither does a community wherein all women, save that noble and rapidly increasing minority of self-supporting ones, are either house-servants or idlers. Our progress rests on the advance of the people, all the people; the development of an ever-widening range of feeling, thought, action; while its flowers are found in all the higher arts and sciences, it is rooted firmly in economic law.
A society where all men are either servants at home or just doing nothing wouldn’t be very advanced. The same goes for a community where all women, except for the growing number of self-supporting ones, are either house-servants or idle. Our progress depends on the advancement of everyone; it’s about the growth of broader feelings, thoughts, and actions. While our achievements are visible in higher arts and sciences, they are deeply grounded in economic principles.
This little ganglion of aborted economic processes, the home, tends to a sort of social paralysis. In its innumerable little centres of egoism and familism are sunk and lost the larger vibrations of social energy which should stimulate the entire mass. Again, society's advance rests on the personal health, sanity, and happiness of its members. The home, whose one justification is in its ministering to these, does not properly fulfil its purpose, and cannot unless it is managed on modern lines.
This small cluster of failed economic activities, the home, often leads to a kind of social stagnation. In its countless little pockets of self-interest and family focus, the broader waves of social energy that should motivate everyone get lost. Moreover, society's progress depends on the personal health, mental stability, and happiness of its individuals. The home, which should support these aspects, doesn't really do its job and can’t unless it's run in a more modern way.
Social progress rests on the smooth development of personal character, the happy fulfilment of special function. The home, in its ceaseless and inexorable demands, stops this great process of specialisation in women, and checks it cruelly in men. A man's best service to society lies in his conscientious performance of the work he is best fitted for. But the service of the home demands that he do the work he is best paid for. Man after man, under this benumbing, strangling pressure, is diverted from his true path in social service, and condemned to "imprisonment with hard labour for life."
Social progress relies on the smooth development of personal character and the fulfilling of specific roles. The home, with its constant and relentless demands, interrupts this important process of specialization for women and severely restricts it for men. A man's best contribution to society comes from doing the work he is most suited for. However, the demands of the home require him to focus on the work that pays him the most. Time after time, under this suffocating pressure, men are led away from their true path in contributing to society and are effectively sentenced to "imprisonment with hard labor for life."
The young man, for a time, is comparatively free; and looks forward eagerly to such and such a line of growth and large usefulness. But let him marry and start a home, and he must do, not what he would—what is best for him and best for all of us; but what he must—what he can be sure of pay for. We have always supposed this to be a good thing, as it forced men to be industrious. As if it was any benefit to society to have men industrious in wrong ways—or useless ways, or even slow, stupid, old-fashioned ways!
The young man is, for a while, relatively free, and eagerly anticipates a certain path of growth and meaningful contribution. But once he gets married and starts a family, he has to do not what he wants or what would be best for him and for all of us, but what he has to do—what he can be sure he'll get paid for. We always thought this was a good thing because it pushed men to work hard. As if it actually benefits society to have men working hard in ineffective ways—or in pointless ways, or even in slow, outdated ways!
Human advance calls for each man's best, for his special faculties, for the work he loves best and can therefore do best and do most of. This work is not always the kind that commands the greater wages; at least the immediate wages he must have. The market will pay best for what it wants, and what it wants is almost always what it is used to, and often what is deadly bad for it. Having a family to support, in the most wasteful possible way, multiplies a man's desire for money; but in no way multiplies his ability, his social value.
Human progress requires everyone to give their best, to use their unique skills, and to pursue the work they are most passionate about and can excel in. This work isn’t always what pays the most; at least not right away. The market tends to reward what it prefers, which is usually what it’s familiar with, and often what is actually harmful. Supporting a family, especially in an extravagant manner, increases a person's need for money; but it doesn’t enhance their skills or their value to society.
Therefore the world is full of struggling men, putting in for one and trying to take out for ten; and in this struggle seeking continually for new ways to cater to the tastes of the multitude, and especially to those of the rich; that they may obtain the wherewithal to support the ten, or six, or simply the one; who though she be but one and not a worker, is quite ready to consume more than any ten together! Social advantage is ruthlessly sacrificed to private advantage in our life to-day; not to necessary and legitimate private interests either; not to the best service of the individual, but to false and scandalously wasteful private interests; to the maintenance and perpetuation of inferior people.
Therefore, the world is full of struggling people, aiming to put in one effort and get back ten; in this struggle, they are constantly looking for new ways to appeal to the tastes of the masses, especially those of the wealthy; so they can gather the resources to support the ten, or six, or just the one; who, even though she is just one and not a contributor, is ready to consume more than any ten combined! Social benefit is harshly sacrificed for personal gain in our lives today; not for necessary and legitimate private interests either; not for the betterment of the individual, but for false and outrageously wasteful personal interests; to maintain and keep inferior people in power.
The position is this: the home, as now existing, costs three times what is necessary to meet the same needs. It involves the further waste of nearly half the world's labour. It does not fulfil its functions to the best advantage, thus robbing us again. It maintains a low grade of womanhood, overworked or lazy; it checks the social development of men as well as women, and, most of all, of children. The man, in order to meet this unnecessary expense, must cater to the existing market; and the existing market is mainly this same home, with its crude tastes and limitless appetites. Thus the man, to maintain his own woman in idleness, or low-grade labour, must work three times as hard as is needful, to meet the demands of similar women; the home-bound woman clogging the whole world.
The situation is this: the home as it stands now costs three times what’s needed to fulfill the same needs. It leads to nearly half the world’s labor being wasted. It doesn’t function as effectively as it could, which is yet another loss for us. It keeps women at a low level, whether they are overworked or lazy; it stifles the social development of both men and women, and especially that of children. To cover this unnecessary expense, the man has to cater to the current market, which mainly consists of this same home, with its basic preferences and insatiable demands. As a result, the man has to work three times harder than necessary to satisfy the needs of similar women, while the home-bound woman holds back the entire world.
Change this order. Set the woman on her own feet, as a free, intelligent, able human being, quite capable of putting into the world more than she takes out, of being a producer as well as a consumer. Put these poor antiquated "domestic industries" into the archives of past history; and let efficient modern industries take their place, doing far more work, far better work, far cheaper work in their stead.
Change this order. Empower the woman to stand on her own, as a free, intelligent, capable person, fully able to contribute to the world more than she takes from it, being a producer as well as a consumer. Archive these outdated "domestic industries" in the history books and allow efficient modern industries to take their place, providing much more, much better, and much cheaper work in their stead.
With an enlightened system of feeding the world we shall have better health—and wiser appetites. The more intelligent and broad-minded woman will assuredly promote a more reasonable, healthful, beautiful, and economical system of clothing, for her own body and that of the child. The wiser and more progressive mother will at last recognise child-culture as an art and science quite beyond the range of instinct, and provide for the child such surroundings, such training, as shall allow of a rapid and enormous advance in human character.
With a better way of feeding the world, we will enjoy improved health and smarter eating habits. The more educated and open-minded woman will definitely encourage a more sensible, healthy, beautiful, and cost-effective approach to clothing for herself and her child. The more knowledgeable and forward-thinking mother will finally see child development as an art and a science that goes beyond instinct, providing her child with the environment and training needed for significant and rapid growth in human character.
The man, relieved of two-thirds of his expenses; provided with double supplies; properly fed and more comfortable at home than he ever dreamed of being, and associated with a strong, free, stimulating companion all through life, will be able to work to far better purpose in the social service, and with far greater power, pride, and enjoyment.
The man, relieved of most of his expenses; given double the supplies; well-fed and more comfortable at home than he ever imagined, and partnered with a strong, free, inspiring companion throughout his life, will be able to work much more effectively in social service, with much greater strength, pride, and enjoyment.
The man and woman together, both relieved of most of their personal cares, will be better able to appreciate large social needs and to meet them. Each generation of children, better born, better reared, growing to their full capacity in all lines, will pour into the world a rising flood of happiness and power. Then we shall see social progress.
The man and woman together, both free from most of their personal worries, will be better equipped to recognize and address larger social needs. Each generation of children, coming into the world in better circumstances and being raised well, will contribute a growing wave of happiness and strength. Then we will witness social progress.
XVI
Paths of Progress
It will be helpful and encouraging for us to examine the development of the home to this date, and its further tendencies; that we may cease to regret here, and learn to admire there; that we may use our personal powers definitely to resist the undertow of habit and prejudice, and definitely to promote all legitimate progress.
It will be helpful and encouraging for us to look at how homes have developed up to now and what future trends might be; so that we can stop regretting some things and start appreciating others; so that we can use our individual strengths to actively resist the pull of habit and bias, and to clearly support all legitimate progress.
There is a hopelessness in the first realisation of this old-world obstacle still stationary in our swift to-day; but there need not be. While apparently as strong as ever, it has in reality been undermined on every side by the currents of evolution; its whilom prisoners have been stimulated and strengthened by the unavoidable force of those same great currents, and little remains to do beyond the final opening of one's own eyes to the facts—not one's grandmother's eyes, but one's own—and the beautiful work of reconstruction.
There’s a sense of hopelessness when we first recognize this old-world barrier still standing in our fast-paced lives today; but it doesn’t have to be that way. Although it seems as strong as ever, it has actually been weakened on all sides by the forces of change. Those who were once trapped by it have been inspired and empowered by these same powerful forces, and there’s not much left to do except to finally open your own eyes to the reality—not your grandmother's perspective, but your own—and embrace the wonderful work of rebuilding.
Examine the main root of the whole thing—the exclusive confinement of women to the home, to their feminine functions and a few crude industries; and see how rapidly that condition is changing. The advance of women, during the last hundred years or so, is a phenomenon unparalleled in history. Never before has so large a class made as much progress in so small a time. From the harem to the forum is a long step, but she has taken it. From the ignorant housewife to the president of a college is a long step, but she has taken it. From the penniless dependent to the wholly self-supporting and often other-supporting business woman, is a long step, but she has taken it. She who knew so little is now the teacher; she who could do so little is now the efficient and varied producer; she who cared only for her own flesh and blood is now active in all wide good works around the world. She who was confined to the house now travels freely, the foolish has become wise, and the timid brave. Even full political equality is won in more than one country and state; it is a revolution of incredible extent and importance, and its results are already splendidly apparent.
Examine the main cause of the whole issue—the strict limitation of women to the home, to their traditional roles and a few basic industries; and notice how quickly that situation is changing. The advancement of women over the last hundred years or so is an extraordinary phenomenon in history. Never before has such a large group made so much progress in such a short time. From the harem to the public arena is a significant shift, but she has made it. From the uneducated housewife to the president of a college is a big change, but she has achieved it. From being a financially dependent person to a fully self-supporting and often other-supporting businesswoman is a considerable leap, but she has accomplished it. She who knew so little is now the teacher; she who was once limited is now the efficient and diverse producer; she who only cared for her immediate family is now actively involved in wide-ranging good works around the world. She who was once confined to the home now travels freely, the naive has become knowledgeable, and the shy have become bold. Even full political equality has been achieved in more than one country and state; it is a revolution of remarkable scope and significance, and its effects are already impressively visible.
This vast number of human beings, formerly as separate as sand grains and as antagonistic as the nature of their position compelled, are now organising, from house to club, from local to general, in federations of city, state, nation, and world. The amount of social energy accumulated by half of us is no longer possible of confinement to that half; the woman has inherited her share, and has grown so large and strong that her previous surroundings can no longer contain or content her.
This huge number of people, once as isolated as grains of sand and as hostile as their circumstances forced them to be, are now coming together, from homes to clubs, from local groups to larger ones, in federations at the city, state, national, and global levels. The social energy built up by half of us can no longer be kept restrained to just that half; women have claimed their share and have grown so large and powerful that their previous environments can no longer hold or satisfy them.
The socialising of this hitherto subsocial, wholly domestic class, is a marked and marvellous event, now taking place with astonishing rapidity. That most people have not observed it proves nothing. Mankind has never yet properly perceived historic events until time gave him the perspective his narrow present horizon denied.
The transformation of this previously isolated, entirely home-based class into a social one is a significant and impressive event happening at an incredible pace. The fact that most people haven’t noticed it doesn’t mean much. Humanity has never truly recognized historical events until time provided the perspective that their limited present view was lacking.
Where most of our minds are home-enclosed, like the visual range of one sitting in a hogshead, general events make no impression save as they impinge directly on that personal area. The change in the position of woman, largely taking place in the home, is lost to general view; and so far as it takes place in public, is only perceived in fractions by most of us.
Where most of our thoughts are confined, like someone's view from inside a barrel, general events hardly make an impact unless they directly affect our personal space. The changes happening in women's roles, mainly within the home, go unnoticed by the wider public; and when they do occur in public, most of us only notice small bits of it.
To man it was of course an unnatural and undesired change; he did not want it, did not see the need or good of it, and has done all he could to prevent it. To the still inert majority of women, content in their position, or attributing their growing discontent to other causes, it is also an unnatural and undesired change. Ideas do not change as fast as facts, with most of us. Mankind in general, men and women, still believe in the old established order, in woman's ordination to the service of bodily needs of all sorts; in the full sufficiency of maternal instinct as compared with any trivial propositions of knowledge and experience; in the noble devotion of the man who spends all his labours to furnish a useless woman with luxuries, and all the allied throng of ancient myths and falsehoods.
For men, this was obviously an unnatural and unwanted change; they didn't want it, didn't see the need for it, and have done everything they could to stop it. For the still passive majority of women, who are comfortable in their roles or attribute their growing dissatisfaction to other reasons, it's also an unnatural and unwanted change. Ideas don't shift as quickly as facts do for most of us. Overall, humanity, both men and women, still believes in the old established order, in women’s duty to meet various physical needs; in the idea that maternal instinct is more than enough compared to any trivial bits of knowledge and experience; in the noble devotion of a man who works tirelessly to provide a useless woman with luxuries, along with all the related myths and deceptions from the past.
Thus we have not been commonly alive to the full proportions of the woman's movement, or its value. The facts are there, however. Patient Griselda has gone out, or is going, faster and faster. The girls of to-day, in any grade of society, are pushing out to do things instead of being content to merely eat things, wear things, and dust things. The honourable instinct of self-support is taking the place of the puerile acceptance of gifts, and beyond self-support comes the still nobler impulse to give to others; not corrupting charity, but the one all-good service of a life's best work. Measuring the position of woman as it has been for all the years behind us up to a century or so ago with what it is to-day, the distance covered and the ratio of progress is incredible. It rolls up continually, accumulatively; and another fifty years will show more advance than the past five hundred.
So, we haven't really recognized the full scope and significance of the women's movement. The evidence is clear, though. Patient Griselda has moved on, or is moving on, faster and faster. Today's young women, across all social classes, are striving to achieve things instead of just being satisfied with consuming, dressing up, and keeping things tidy. The admirable drive for self-sufficiency is replacing the childish acceptance of handouts, and beyond self-sufficiency comes the even nobler desire to help others; not through corrupt charity, but through the genuine service of contributing one’s best work. When we compare the status of women as it was for centuries up until about a hundred years ago with what it is today, the progress made is astonishing. It continues to build and accumulate, and in another fifty years, we'll see advancements that surpass the achievements of the past five hundred years.
This alone is enough to guarantee the development of the home. No unchanging shell can contain a growing body, something must break; and the positive force of growth is stronger than the negative force of mere adhesion of particles. A stronger, wiser, nobler woman must make a better home.
This alone is enough to ensure the growth of the home. No rigid structure can hold a developing being; something has to give way; and the positive force of growth is more powerful than the negative force of just sticking together. A stronger, wiser, better woman must create a better home.
In the place itself, its customs and traditions, we can also note great progress. The "domestic industries" have shrunk and dwindled almost out of sight, so greedily has society sucked at them and forced them out where they belong.
In the place itself, its customs and traditions, we can also see significant progress. The "domestic industries" have nearly disappeared, as society has greedily exploited them and pushed them out where they truly belong.
The increasing difficulties which assail the house-keeper, either in trying to occupy the primeval position of doing her own work, or in persuading anyone else to do it for her, are simply forcing us, however reluctantly, to the adoption of better methods. Even in the most neglected field of all, the care and education of the little child, some progress has been made. Education in the hands of men, broad-minded, humanly loving men, has crept nearer and nearer to the cradle; and now even women, and not only single women, but even mothers, are beginning to study the nature and needs of the child. The more they study, the more they learn, the more impossible become the home conditions. The mother cannot herself alone do all that is necessary for her children, to say nothing of continuing to be a companion to her husband, a member of society, and a still growing individual.
The growing challenges that face the housekeeper, whether she's trying to maintain the traditional role of doing everything herself or convincing someone else to help her, are pushing us, even if we hesitate, to adopt better practices. Even in the most overlooked area—the care and education of young children—there has been some progress. Education, led by open-minded and caring men, has gotten closer to the cradle; and now women, not just single women but even mothers, are starting to understand the nature and needs of children. The more they study, the more they learn, and the more impossible home conditions become. A mother can’t do everything necessary for her children on her own, let alone continue being a partner to her husband, a member of society, and an individual who is still evolving.
She can sacrifice herself in the attempt,—often does,—but the child has a righteous indifference to such futile waste of life. He does not require a nervous, exhausted, ever-present care, and it is by no means good for him. He wants a strong, serene, lovely mother for a comfort, a resource, an ideal; but he also wants the care of a trained highly qualified teacher, and the amateur mama cannot give it to him. Motherhood is a common possession of every female creature; a joy, a pride, a nobly useful function. Teacherhood is a profession, a specialised social function, no more common to mothers than to fathers, maids, or bachelors. The ceaseless, anxious strain to do what only an experienced nurse and teacher can do, is an injury to the real uses of motherhood.
She can put herself on the line in the effort—often does—but the child doesn’t really care about such pointless sacrifices. He doesn’t need a nervous, exhausted, constantly hovering caregiver, and it’s not good for him. He wants a strong, calm, loving mother for comfort, support, and inspiration; but he also needs the guidance of a skilled, qualified teacher, and an inexperienced mom can’t provide that. Motherhood is something all women experience; it brings joy, pride, and serves a valuable purpose. Teaching is a profession, a specialized role in society, and it's not something that’s unique to mothers just as much as it isn't to fathers, nannies, or single people. The ongoing, stressful pressure to perform like only a trained nurse or teacher can do is harmful to the genuine benefits of motherhood.
Why do we dread having children, as many of our much-extolled mothers so keenly do? Partly the physical risk and suffering, which are not necessary to a normal woman,—and more the ensuing care, labour, and anxiety,—and oh,—"the responsibility!" The more modern the mother is, the more fit for a higher plane of execution, the more unfit she is for the lower plane, the old primitive plane of home-teaching.
Why do we fear having children, as so many of our celebrated mothers do? Partly because of the physical risks and pain, which shouldn't have to come with being a normal woman—and more so because of the ongoing care, work, and stress—and oh—"the responsibility!" The more modern the mother is, prepared for a higher level of achievement, the less suited she is for the traditional role of home teaching.
If your father is a combination of all college professors you may get part of a college training at home—but not the best part. If your mother is a born teacher, a trained teacher, an experienced teacher, you may get part of your schooling at home—but not the best part. There would never have been a school or college on earth, if every man had remained content with teaching his boys at home. There will never be any proper standard of training for little children while each woman remains content with caring for her own at home. But the house-wife is changing. These ways no longer satisfy her. She insists on more modern methods, even in her ancient labours.
If your dad is like a mix of all college professors, you might get some college-level training at home—but not the best part. If your mom is a natural teacher, a trained educator, or has lots of experience, you might get some of your education at home—but not the best part. There would never have been schools or colleges if everyone was okay with just teaching their kids at home. There won’t be any proper standard for training young children as long as each woman is fine with just taking care of her own kids at home. But the housewife is changing. These traditional roles no longer satisfy her. She demands more modern approaches, even in her age-old responsibilities.
Then follows the equally different attitude of the housemaid; her rebellion, refusal, retirement from the field; and the immense increase in mechanical convenience seeping in steadily from outside, and doing more to "undermine the home" than any wildest exhortations of reformers. The gas range, the neat and perfect utensils, these have in themselves an educational reaction; we cannot now maintain the atmosphere "where greasy Joan doth keel the pot." The pot is a white enamelled double boiler, and Joan need not be greasy save of malice prepense. Besides the improvement of utensils, we have in our cities and in most of the smaller towns that insidious new system of common supply of domestic necessities, which webs together the once so separate homes by a network of pipes and wires.
Then comes the different attitude of the housemaid; her rebellion, refusal, and withdrawal from the situation; and the enormous rise in mechanical convenience steadily coming in from outside, doing more to "undermine the home" than any extreme cries of reformers. The gas range and the neat, perfect utensils have an educational impact; we can no longer maintain the atmosphere "where greasy Joan doth keel the pot." The pot is a white enamel double boiler, and Joan doesn’t have to be greasy unless she chooses to be. In addition to improved utensils, we now have in our cities and most smaller towns that insidious new system of shared supplies for household necessities, which connects what used to be separate homes with a network of pipes and wires.
Our houses are threaded like beads on a string, tied, knotted, woven together, and in the cities even built together; one solid house from block-end to block-end; their boasted individuality maintained by a thin partition wall. The tenement, flat, and apartment house still further group and connect us; and our claim of domestic isolation becomes merely another domestic myth. Water is a household necessity and was once supplied by household labour, the women going to the wells to fetch it. Water is now supplied by the municipality, and flows among our many homes as one. Light is equally in common; we do not have to make it for ourselves.
Our homes are lined up like beads on a string, tied, knotted, and woven together, and in the cities, they're even built as one; a solid structure from one end to the other, with just a thin wall to maintain the illusion of individuality. The tenement, flat, and apartment buildings further connect us, making our claim of living in isolation just another domestic myth. Water is an essential part of our homes and used to be collected by household labor, with women going to the wells to get it. Now, water is provided by the city and flows through our many homes as one. Light is also shared; we don't have to produce it ourselves.
Where water and light are thus fully socialised, why are we so shy of any similar progress in the supply of food? Food is no more a necessity than water. If we are willing to receive our water from an extra-domestic pipe—why not our food? The one being a simple element and the other a very complex combination makes a difference, of course; but even so we may mark great progress. Some foods, more or less specific, and of universal use, were early segregated, and the making of them became a trade, as in breadstuffs, cheese, and confectionery. Where this has been done we find great progress, and an even standard of excellence. In America, where the average standard of bread-making is very low, we regard "baker's bread" as a synonym for inferiority; but even here, if we consider the saleratus bread of the great middle west, and all the sour, heavy, uncertain productions of a million homes, the baker bears comparison with the domestic cook. It is the maintenance of the latter that keeps the former down; where the baker is the general dependence he makes better bread.
Where water and light are so well integrated into our lives, why are we hesitant to make similar advancements in food supply? Food is just as essential as water. If we’re okay with getting our water from an outside source, why not our food? Sure, one is a basic necessity and the other is a much more complicated mix, but we can still see significant progress. Some foods, which are fairly specific and universally relied upon, have already been singled out, turning their production into a trade—like bread, cheese, and sweets. In those areas where this has happened, we observe great advancements and a consistent level of quality. In America, where the overall quality of bread-making is quite low, we see "baker's bread" as a term for something inferior. However, if we look at the saleratus bread from the Midwest and all the sour, heavy, unpredictable breads produced in countless homes, the baker actually compares favorably to the home cook. It's the domestic cook's continued presence that keeps the baker from improving; where bakers are relied upon, they produce better bread.
Our American baker's bread has risen greatly in excellence as we make less and less at home. All the initial processes of the food supply have been professionalised. Our housewife does not go out crying, "Dilly-dilly! Dilly-dilly! You must come and be killed"—and then wring the poor duck's neck, pick and pluck it with her own hands; nor does the modern father himself slay the fatted calf—all this is done as a business. In recent years every article of food which will keep, every article which is in common demand, is prepared as a business.
Our American baker's bread has become much better as we bake less at home. All the initial steps of the food supply have been professionalized. Our housewife doesn’t go out shouting, "Dilly-dilly! Dilly-dilly! You must come and be killed"—and then wring the poor duck's neck, pluck it, and prepare it herself; nor does the modern father personally slaughter the fattened calf—all of this is done as a business now. In recent years, every food item that can be preserved and that is in common demand is prepared commercially.
The home-blinded toiler has never climbed out of her hogshead to watch this rising tide, but it is nearly up to the rim, ready to pour in and float her out. Every delicate confection, every pickle, sauce, preserve, every species of biscuit and wafer, and all sublimated and differentiated to a degree we could never have dreamed of; all these are manufactured in scientific and business methods and delivered at our doors, or our dumb-waiters. Breakfast foods are the latest step in this direction; and the encroaching delicatessen shop with its list of allurements. Even the last and dearest stronghold, the very core and centre of domestic bliss—hot cooked food—is being served us by this irreverent professional man.
The homebound worker has never stepped out of her confined space to see this rising tide, but it's almost at the edge, ready to sweep her away. Every delicate treat, every pickle, sauce, preserve, every kind of cookie and wafer, all refined and varied to levels we could never have imagined; all of these are produced through scientific and business practices and brought to our doorsteps or our dumbwaiters. Breakfast foods are the latest development in this trend; and the encroaching deli with its tempting options. Even the last and most cherished bastion, the very heart of domestic comfort—hot cooked meals—are now being served to us by this unapologetic professional.
The sacred domestic rite of eating may be still performed in the sanctuary, but the once equally sacred, subsidiary art of cooking is swiftly going out of it. As to eating at home, so dear a habit, so old a habit, old enough to share with every beast that drags her prey into her lair, that she and her little ones may gnaw in safety; this remains strongly in evidence, and will for some time yet. But while it reigns unshaken in our minds let us follow, open-eyed, the great human distinction of eating together. To share one's food, to call guest and friend to the banquet, is not a custom of any animal save those close allies in social organisation, the ants and their compeers. Not only do we permit this, but it is our chiefest joy and pride. From the child playing tea-party to the Lord Mayor's Banquet, the human race shows a marked tendency to eat together. It is our one great common medium—more's the pity that we have none better as yet! To share food is the first impulse of true hospitality, the largest field of artificial extravagance. Moreover, in actual fact, in the working world, food is eaten together by almost all men at noon; and by women and men in what they call "social life" almost daily. In recent years, in our cities, this habit increases widely, swiftly; men, women, and families eat together more and more; and the eating-house increases in excellence commensurately.
The cherished tradition of eating at home might still happen in the sanctuary, but the once equally valued skill of cooking is quickly fading away. As for eating at home, such a beloved practice, so ancient that it's shared with every creature that takes its catch into its den to enjoy safely with their young; this still strongly exists and will for some time. But while this tradition stays strong in our hearts, let's recognize the unique human custom of eating together. Sharing food and inviting guests and friends to the table isn't something any animals except closely social species like ants do. Not only do we embrace this, but it brings us immense joy and pride. From children hosting tea parties to the Lord Mayor’s Banquet, humanity shows a clear tendency to eat together. It’s our primary way to connect—it's too bad we don't have a better one yet! Sharing food is the fundamental expression of true hospitality and the biggest arena for extravagant displays. In reality, in everyday life, most people eat together at lunchtime; men and women gather for meals in what they call "social life" almost daily. Recently, in our cities, this practice is rapidly growing; men, women, and families are dining together more than ever, and the quality of dining establishments is rising to match.
Whatever our opinion of these two facts, both are facts—that we like to eat in "the bosom of the family" and that we equally like to eat in common. Why, then, do we so fear a change in this field? "Because of the children!" most people will reply triumphantly. Are the children, then, perfectly fed at home? Is the list of dietary diseases among our home-fed little ones a thing to boast of? May it be hinted that it is because child-feeding has remained absolutely domestic, while man-feeding has become partially civilised, that the knowledge of how to feed children is so shamefully lacking? Be all this as it may, it is plainly to be seen that our domestic conditions as to food supply are rapidly changing, and that all signs point to a steady rise in efficiency and decrease in expense in this line of human service. There remains much to be done. In no field of modern industry and business opportunity is there a wider demand to be met than in this constantly waxing demand for better food, more hygienic food, more reliable food, cheaper food, food which shall give us the maximum of nutrition and healthy pleasure, with the minimum of effort and expense. At this writing—May, 1903—there is in flourishing existence a cooked-food supply company, in New Haven (Conn.), in Pittsburgh (Pa.), and in Boston (Mass.), with doubtless others not at present known to the author.
Whatever we think about these two facts, both are facts—that we enjoy eating "in the comfort of home" and that we also like to eat together. So, why are we so afraid of change in this area? Most people would reply confidently, "Because of the children!" But are the children really getting proper nutrition at home? Should we be proud of the list of dietary issues among our home-fed kids? Could it be that because feeding kids has stayed entirely a home matter while feeding adults has become somewhat more civilized, we lack the essential knowledge on how to nourish children properly? Be that as it may, it's clear that our domestic food supply conditions are changing rapidly, and all signs show a consistent increase in efficiency and a decrease in costs in this area of human service. There's still a lot to do. No area of modern industry and business opportunity has a wider demand than this ever-growing need for better food, healthier food, more reliable food, cheaper food—food that provides maximum nutrition and enjoyment with minimal effort and expense. As I write this in May 1903, there are successful cooked-food supply companies in New Haven (Conn.), Pittsburgh (Pa.), and Boston (Mass.), along with others that I may not be aware of.
Turning to the other great domestic industry, the care of children, we may see hopeful signs of growth. The nursemaid is improving. Those who can afford it are beginning to see that the association of a child's first years with low-class ignorance cannot be beneficial. There is a demand for "trained nurses" for children; even in rare cases the employment of some Kindergarten ability. Among the very poor the day-nursery and Kindergarten are doing slow, but beautiful work. The President of Harvard demands that more care and money be spent on the primary grades in education; and all through our school systems there is a healthy movement. Child-study is being undertaken at last. Pedagogy is being taught as a science. In our public parks there is regular provision made for children; and in the worst parts of the cities an incipient provision of playgrounds.
Turning to the other important domestic industry, childcare, we can see positive signs of growth. Nannies are getting better. Those who can afford it are starting to realize that associating a child's early years with low-quality care isn't helpful. There's a demand for "trained nurses" for kids; occasionally, even some Kindergarten skills are being utilized. Among the very poor, day nurseries and Kindergartens are doing slow but impressive work. The President of Harvard is calling for more attention and funding for early education, and there’s a healthy movement happening throughout our school systems. Finally, child study is being taken seriously. Teaching pedagogy as a science is becoming common. Our public parks are now regularly equipped for children, and even in the toughest parts of the cities, there are emerging playgrounds.
There is no more brilliant hope on earth to-day than this new thought about the child. In what does it consist? In recognising "the child," children as a class, children as citizens with rights to be guaranteed only by the state; instead of our previous attitude toward them of absolute personal ownership—the unchecked tyranny, or as unchecked indulgence, of the private home. Children are at last emerging from the very lowest grade of private ownership into the safe, broad level of common citizenship. That which no million separate families could give their millions of separate children, the state can give, and does. Our progress, so long merely mechanical, is at last becoming personal, touching the people and lifting them as one.
There’s no brighter hope on earth today than this new way of thinking about children. What does it involve? It’s about recognizing "the child," children as a group, and children as citizens with rights that should be protected by the state, rather than seeing them as something we have complete personal control over—free to exercise unchecked power or indulgence in the private home. Children are finally moving out of the lowest level of private ownership into the secure, broad realm of shared citizenship. What no million separate families could provide for their millions of individual children, the state can and does provide. Our progress, which was once purely mechanical, is finally becoming personal, reaching out to the people and uplifting them as one.
Now what is all this leading to? What have we to hope—or to dread—in the undeniable lines of development here shown? What most of us dread is this: that we shall lose our domestic privacy; that we shall lose our family dinner table; that woman will lose "her charm;" that we shall lose our children; and the child lose its mother. We are mortally afraid of separation.
Now what is all this leading to? What do we have to hope—or fear—in the undeniable trends being shown here? What most of us fear is this: that we will lose our personal space; that we will lose our family dinner table; that women will lose "their charm;" that we will lose our children; and that the child will lose its mother. We are seriously afraid of separation.
The unfolding and differentiation of natural growth is not separation in any organic sense. The five-fingered leaf, closely bound in the bud, separates as it opens. The branches separate from the trunk as the trees grow. But this legitimate separation does not mean disconnection. The tree is as much one tree as if it grew in a strait-jacket. All growth must widen and diverge. If natural growth is checked, disease must follow. If allowed, health and beauty and happiness accompany it.
The process of natural growth and differentiation isn’t separation in any real sense. The five-fingered leaf, tightly bound in the bud, spreads out as it opens. The branches separate from the trunk as the trees grow. But this valid separation doesn’t mean they are disconnected. The tree remains a single tree, even if it grew in a restrictive environment. All growth must expand and branch out. If natural growth is stunted, disease is sure to follow. If it’s allowed to flourish, health, beauty, and happiness come with it.
The home, if it grows on in normal lines, will not be of the same size and relative density as it was in ancient times; but it will be as truly home to the people of to-day. In trying to maintain by force the exact limits and characteristics of the primitive home, we succeed only in making a place modern man is not at home in.
The home, if it continues to develop naturally, won't be the same size and density as it was in ancient times; however, it will still be a true home for today's people. By trying to forcibly keep the exact boundaries and features of the original home, we only create a space that modern individuals feel uncomfortable in.
The people of our time need the home of our time, not the homes of ancient barbarians. The primitive home and the home-bound woman are the continually acting causes of our increasing domestic unhappiness. By clinging to unsuitable conditions we bring about exactly the evils we are most afraid of. A little scientific imagination well based on existing facts, well in line with existing tendencies, should be used to point out the practical possibilities of the home as it is to be.
The people of today need homes that reflect our current times, not the homes of ancient savages. The outdated home and the woman tied to the home are the ongoing reasons for our growing domestic unhappiness. By holding on to unsuitable conditions, we create the very problems we fear the most. A bit of scientific imagination, grounded in existing facts and aligned with current trends, should be used to highlight the practical possibilities for homes of the future.
Try to consider it first with the woman out for working hours. This is an impassable gulf to the average mind. "Home, with the woman out—there is no such thing!" cries it. The instant assumption is that she will never be in, in which case I am willing to admit that there would be no home. Suppose we retrace our steps a little and approach the average mind more gradually. Can it imagine a home, a real happy home, with the woman out of it for one hour a day? Can it, encouraged by this step, picture the home as still enduring while the woman is out of it two hours a day? Is there any exact time of attendance required to make a home? What is, in truth, required to make a home? First mother and child, then father; this is the family, and the place where they live is the home.
Try to think about it first with the woman out for work hours. This is an unbridgeable gap for the average person. "Home, with the woman out—there's no such thing!" it shouts. The immediate assumption is that she will never come back, in which case I’m willing to agree that there would be no home. Let's go back a bit and approach the average person more gently. Can it picture a home, a truly happy home, with the woman away for just one hour a day? Can it, encouraged by this idea, visualize the home still existing while the woman is out for two hours a day? Is there a specific amount of time needed to make a home? What is actually required to create a home? First, mother and child, then father; that is the family, and the place where they live is the home.
Now the father goes out every day; does the home cease to exist because of his hours away from it? It is still his home, he still loves it, he maintains it, he lives in it, only he has a "place of business" elsewhere. At a certain stage of growth the children are out of it, between say 8.30 and 3.30. Does it cease to be home because of their hours away from it? Do they not love it and live in it—while they are there? Now if, while the father was out, and the children were out, the mother should also be out, would the home disappear into thin air?
Now the dad goes out every day; does the home stop being a home because of his time away from it? It’s still his home, he still loves it, he takes care of it, he lives in it, he just has a "place of business" somewhere else. At a certain point in their growth, the kids are out of it, let’s say between 8:30 and 3:30. Does it stop being home because of their time away? Don’t they still love it and live in it—while they’re there? Now, if the dad is out, the kids are out, and the mom is also out, would the home just vanish?
It is home while the family are in it. When the family are out of it it is only a house; and a house will stand up quite solidly for some eight hours of the family's absence. Incessant occupation is not essential to a home. If the father has wife and children with him in the home when he returns to it, need it matter to him that the children are wisely cared for in schools during his absence; or that his wife is duly occupied elsewhere while they are so cared for?
It is a home when the family is in it. When the family is out of it, it’s just a house; and a house can stand strong for about eight hours while the family is gone. Constant presence isn’t necessary for a home. If the father has his wife and kids with him when he gets back, does it really matter that the kids are being well looked after in school while he’s away, or that his wife is busy elsewhere while they are being cared for?
Two "practical obstacles" intervene; first, the "housework"; second, the care of children below school age. The housework is fast disappearing into professional hands. When that is utterly gone, the idle woman has but one excuse—the babies. This is a very vital excuse. The baby is the founder of the home. If the good of the baby requires the persistent, unremitting care of the mother in the home, then indeed she must remain there. No other call, no other claim, no other duty, can be weighed for a moment against this all-important service—the care of the little child.
Two "practical obstacles" come into play: first, "housework"; second, taking care of young children who aren’t in school yet. Housework is quickly becoming professionalized. Once that's completely gone, the only excuse left for a stay-at-home woman is the children. And that’s a really important excuse. The baby is the heart of the home. If what's best for the baby means that the mother needs to be there full-time, then she absolutely should be. No other obligation, no additional responsibility, can come close to the significance of this essential role—the care of the young child.
But we have already seen that if there is one thing more than another the home fails in, it is just this. If there is one duty more than another the woman fails in, it is just this. Our homes are not planned nor managed in the interests of little children; and the isolated home-bound mother is in no way adequate to their proper rearing. This is not disputable on any side. The death rate of little children during the years they are wholly in the home and mother's care proves it beyond question. The wailing of little children who live—or before they die—wailing from bodily discomfort, nervous irritation, mental distress, punishment—a miserable sound, so common, so expected, that it affects the price of real estate, tenants not wishing to live near little children on account of their cries—this sound of world-wide anguish does not seem to prove much for the happiness of these helpless inmates of the home.
But we’ve already seen that if there’s one thing the home fails at, it’s this. If there’s one responsibility the woman falls short on, it’s this too. Our homes aren’t designed or managed for the benefit of little children, and the isolated, stay-at-home mother is not equipped to properly raise them. This is indisputable. The death rate of young children during the years they are solely in the home and under their mother’s care proves it without question. The cries of little children who live—or cry out before they die—due to physical discomfort, nervous irritation, mental distress, or punishment—a sad sound, so common and expected that it even affects real estate prices, as tenants don’t want to live near children because of their cries—this sound of widespread suffering doesn’t seem to indicate much happiness for these helpless residents of the home.
Such few data as we have of babies and young children in properly managed day nurseries, give a far higher record of health and happiness. Not the sick baby in the pauper hospital, not the lonely baby in the orphan asylum; but the baby who has not lost his mother, but who adds to mother's love, calm, wise, experienced professional care.
Such limited data as we have on babies and young children in well-run day nurseries show a much higher level of health and happiness. Not the sick baby in the charity hospital, not the lonely baby in the orphanage; but the baby who has not lost his mother, but who benefits from a mother's love, along with calm, wise, and experienced professional care.
The best instance of this, as known to me, is that of M. Godin's phalanstère in Guise, France. An account of it can be found in the Harper's Monthly, November, 1885; or in M. Godin's own book, "Social Solutions," translated by Marie Howland, now out of print. This wise and successful undertaking had been going on for over twenty years when the above article was written. Among its features was a beautifully planned nursery for babies and little children, and the results to child and parent, to home and state were wholly good. Better health, greater peace and contentment, a swift, regular, easy development these children enjoyed; and when, in later years, they met the examinations of the public schools, they stood higher than the children of any other district in France.
The best example of this, as I know, is M. Godin's phalanstère in Guise, France. You can find an account of it in Harper's Monthly, November 1885, or in M. Godin's own book, "Social Solutions," translated by Marie Howland, which is now out of print. This insightful and successful project had been running for over twenty years when the article mentioned above was written. One of its features was a beautifully designed nursery for babies and young children, and the benefits for the children and their parents, as well as for the home and society, were entirely positive. These children enjoyed better health, greater peace and contentment, and a smooth, steady, easy development. When they later faced public school exams, they performed better than children from any other region in France.
A newborn baby leads a far happier, healthier, more peaceful existence in the hands of the good trained nurse, than it does when those skilled hands are gone, and it is left on the trembling knees of the young, untrained mother.
A newborn baby has a much happier, healthier, and more peaceful life in the care of a well-trained nurse than when those skilled hands are absent, leaving it on the unsteady knees of a young, untrained mother.
"But the nurse does not love it!" we wildly protest. What if she does not? Cannot the mother love it while the nurse takes care of it? This is the whole position in a nutshell. Nothing is going to prevent the mother from loving her children in one deep, ceaseless river of calm affection, with such maternal transports as may arise from time to time in addition; but nothing ought to prevent the child's being properly taken care of while the love is going on. The mother is not ashamed to depend on the doctor if the child is ill, on the specialist if the child is defective, on the teacher when the child is in school. Why should she so passionately refuse to depend on equally skilled assistance for the first five years of her babies' lives—those years when iron statistics remorselessly expose her incapacity?
"But the nurse doesn’t love it!" we shout in protest. So what if she doesn’t? Can’t the mother love it while the nurse takes care of it? This is the whole situation in a nutshell. Nothing is going to stop the mother from loving her children in one deep, endless stream of calm affection, along with occasional moments of maternal excitement; but nothing should stop the child from being well taken care of while that love is happening. The mother doesn’t hesitate to rely on the doctor if the child is sick, on the specialist if the child has a disability, or on the teacher when the child is in school. So why should she so fiercely refuse to seek equally skilled help for the first five years of her babies' lives—those years when harsh statistics ruthlessly highlight her limitations?
The home that is coming will not try to be a workshop, a nursery, or a school. The child that is coming will find a more comfortable home than he ever had before, and something else besides—a place for babies to be happy in, and grow up in, without shrieks of pain. The mother that is coming, a much more intelligent person than she has ever been before, will recognise that this ceaseless procession of little ones requires some practical provision for its best development, other than what is possible in the passing invasion of the home. "How a baby does tyrannise over the household!" we complain, vaguely recognising that the good of the baby requires something different from the natural home habits of adults. We shall finally learn to make a home for the babies too.
The future home won’t just be a workshop, a nursery, or a school. The child who arrives will find a more comfortable place than ever before, plus something else—a happy space for babies to flourish and grow without painful cries. The mother who comes will be much more knowledgeable than she has been before and will understand that this ongoing arrival of little ones needs some practical arrangements for the best growth, beyond what can happen during the fleeting interruptions to home life. “How a baby really can take over the household!” we say, vaguely realizing that what’s best for the baby is different from the usual adult routines. We will finally learn to create a home for the babies, too.
This involves great changes in both our idea of home, and our material provision for it. Why not? Growth is change, and there is need of growth here. Slowly, gradually, by successive experiments, we shall find out how to meet new demands; and these experiments are now being made, in all the living centres of population.
This involves significant changes in both our concept of home and our resources for it. Why not? Growth means change, and there’s a need for growth here. Slowly and gradually, through a series of experiments, we will discover how to meet new demands; and these experiments are currently being conducted in all the active centers of population.
XVII
RESULTS
To us, who have for so many unbroken generations been wholly bound to the home, who honestly believe that its service and maintenance constitute the whole duty of men and women, the picture of a world in which home and its affairs takes but a small part of life's attention gives rather a blank outlook. What else are we to do! What else to love—what else to serve eternally! What else to revere, to worship! How shall we occupy the hands of man if but a tithe of his labour supports him in comfort; how fill the heart of woman, when her family are happily and rightly served without sacrificing her in the operation! It is hard, at first—we being so accustomed to spend all life in merely keeping ourselves alive—to see what life might be when we had some to spare. We find it difficult to imagine this "world of trouble" as rid of its troubles; as rationally and comfortably managed; peaceful, clean, safe, healthy, giving everyone room and time to grow. Nor need we labour to forecast events too accurately; especially the material details which must be decided by long experiment. No rigid prescription is needed; no dictum as to whether we shall live in small separate houses, greenly gardened, with closely connected conveniences for service and for education, for work and play; or in towering palaces with shaded flower-bright courts and cloisters. All that must work out as have our great modern wonders in other lines, little by little, in orderly development. But what we can forecast in safety is the effect on the human body and the human soul.
For us, who have been completely tied to home for so many generations and honestly believe that serving and maintaining it is the primary duty of men and women, the idea of a world where home and its responsibilities take up only a small part of life seems quite empty. What else are we meant to do? What else is there to love—what else to serve forever? What else is worthy of our respect and devotion? How can we keep men occupied if only a fraction of their work supports them comfortably? How can we fulfill women’s hearts when their families are taken care of happily and properly without sacrificing them in the process? It’s hard at first—we’re so used to spending our entire lives just staying alive—that it’s difficult to see what life could be like if we had some time to spare. We find it challenging to picture this "world of trouble" as free of troubles; as rationally and comfortably organized; peaceful, clean, safe, healthy, giving everyone the space and time to grow. We also don’t need to work too hard to predict events precisely, especially the material details that will need to be figured out through long experimentation. There’s no strict formula required; no rule about whether we’ll live in small, green houses with closely linked resources for service and education, work, and play; or in towering buildings with shaded, vibrant flower-filled courtyards and cloisters. All of that will develop gradually, just like our great modern advances in other areas. But what we can safely predict is the impact on the human body and soul.
A peaceful, healthy, happy babyhood and childhood, with such delicate adjustment of educational processes as we already see indicated, will give us a far better individual. The full-grown mother, contributing racial advance in both body and mind, will add greatly to this gain. We can be better people everywhere, better born, bred, fed, educated in all ways. But quite beyond this is the rich growth of our long aborted social instincts, which will rapidly follow the reduction of these long artificially maintained primitive and animal instincts.
A peaceful, healthy, and happy babyhood and childhood, with a thoughtful approach to education as we already see suggested, will produce much better individuals. A fully developed mother, contributing to racial progress in both body and mind, will significantly enhance this outcome. We can become better people in every aspect—better born, raised, nourished, and educated in all ways. But even more important is the flourishing of our long-stifled social instincts, which will quickly emerge as we reduce the primitive and animal instincts that have been artificially maintained for so long.
Where now trying to meet general needs by personal efforts, modern needs by ancient methods, we must perforce manifest an intense degree of self-interest to keep up the struggle; as soon as we meet these needs easily, swiftly, inexpensively, by modern methods and common efforts, less self-interest will be necessary.
Where we’re currently trying to meet general needs through personal efforts and modern needs through outdated methods, we inevitably have to show a high level of self-interest to keep up the fight; once we can address these needs easily, quickly, and affordably with modern methods and collective efforts, less self-interest will be required.
When sidewalks were narrow and streets foul, great was the jostling, keen the resentment—"You take the wall of me, sir!" Where all is broad, clean, safe, no such hot feeling exists. We do not truly prefer to be always sharply looking out for ourselves; it is much more interesting to look out for each other; but this method of handicapping each man with his own affairs, in such needless weight, keeps up a selfishness which true civilisation tends steadily to eliminate. Social instincts in social conditions are as natural as animal instincts in animal conditions.
When sidewalks were narrow and streets were dirty, there was a lot of pushing and intense frustration—"You're taking the wall from me, sir!" In places where everything is wide, clean, and safe, that kind of heated emotion doesn't exist. We don’t really want to constantly be on high alert for our own safety; it’s much more engaging to look out for one another. But the way we burden each individual with unnecessary worries maintains a selfishness that true civilization is gradually working to eliminate. Social instincts in social situations are as natural as animal instincts in the wild.
Starving, shipwrecked sailors, robbed of all social advantages, are reduced sometimes even to cannibalism. Polite people at a banquet show no hint of such fierce, relentless greed. Relieved of the necessity for spending our whole time taking care of ourselves, we shall deliciously launch forward into the much larger pleasure of taking care of one another. Relieved of the ceaseless, instant pressure of purely physical needs, we shall be able to put forth the true demands of human life at last. The mind, no longer penned in its weary treadmill of private affairs, will spread into its legitimate area—public affairs. We shall be able to see a greater number of things at once, and care about them. That larger-mindedness will be an immediate result; for we have already far more capacity than we use.
Starving, shipwrecked sailors, stripped of all social advantages, sometimes resort to cannibalism. Polite people at a dinner party give no indication of such intense, relentless greed. Once we don't have to spend all our time taking care of ourselves, we can happily dive into the much bigger pleasure of taking care of each other. Free from the constant, immediate pressure of basic physical needs, we will finally be able to address the real demands of human life. The mind, no longer stuck in its exhausting cycle of personal issues, will expand into its rightful domain—public matters. We will be able to notice and care about many more things at once. That broader perspective will be a direct outcome; after all, we already have far more potential than we actually use.
We have developed the modern civilised mind, the social mind, through the world's work; but we bury it, enslave it, stultify it, in the home's work. A new power—a new sense of range—freedom, growth, as of a great stream flowing freely; plenty of force to work with, plenty of room to work in—this is what will follow as we learn to properly relate the home to the rest of life.
We’ve shaped the modern, civilized mindset, the social mindset, through the work done in the world; yet we stifle it, confine it, and dull it within the work done at home. A new power—a new sense of opportunity—freedom, growth, like a vast stream flowing freely; there’s plenty of energy to work with, plenty of space to work in—this is what will emerge as we learn to connect home life with the rest of life.
Once the mind rises, free, outside those old enclosing, crushing walls, it will see life with different eyes. Our common good will appear to us as naturally as our private good does now. At present the average mind does not seem able to grasp a great general fact, be it for good or evil.
Once the mind breaks free from those old, confining walls, it will see life in a new light. Our collective good will seem as obvious as our personal good does now. Right now, the average mind doesn’t seem capable of understanding a significant general truth, whether it’s positive or negative.
To make a man appreciate the proposed advantage, realise the impending or existing evil, we must "bring it home to him," make him feel it "where he lives." When his home does not occupy most of his mind, tax his strength, reduce his range of interest and affection, he can see the big things more easily. When he "lives" in the whole city—i.e., thinks about it, cares about it, works for it, loves it—then he will promptly feel anything that affects it in any part. This common love and care are just as possible to human beings as love and care for one's own young are possible to the beasts. It is possible; it is natural; it is a great and increasing joy; but its development is checked by a system which requires all our love and care for our own, and even then does not properly provide for them.
To help a man recognize the potential benefit and understand the threat, whether it’s looming or already here, we need to "bring it home to him," making him feel it "where he lives." When his home doesn’t take up most of his thoughts, when he’s stretched thin and focused less on his immediate relationships, he can more easily grasp the bigger picture. When he “lives” for the whole city—meaning he thinks about it, cares about it, works for it, and loves it—he’ll quickly notice anything that impacts it, no matter where. This shared love and care are as natural for humans as they are for animals when it comes to their young. It’s achievable; it’s instinctive; it’s a growing source of joy; but its growth is hindered by a system that demands all our love and care for our own, and even then it doesn’t adequately meet their needs.
The love of human beings for each other is not a dream of religion, it is a law of nature. It is bred of human contact, of human relation, of human service; it rests on identical interest and the demands of a social development which must include all, if it permanently lift any. Against this perfectly natural development stands this opposing shell; this earlier form of life, essential in its place, most mischievous out of it; this early cradle of humanity in which lie smothered the full-grown people of to-day.
The love that people have for one another isn't just a religious idea; it's a natural law. It comes from human interaction, relationships, and service to one another; it relies on shared interests and the needs of societal growth, which has to embrace everyone if it wants to elevate anyone for good. Opposing this natural growth is a stubborn shell; an earlier stage of life that's important where it belongs but causes trouble when it's out of place; this primitive cradle of humanity holds back the fully developed individuals of today.
Must we then leave it—lose it—go without it? Never. The more broadly socialised we become, the more we need our homes to rest in. The large area is necessary for the human soul; the big, modern, civilised social nature. But we are still separate animal beings as well as collective social beings. Always we need to return to the dear old ties, to the great primal basis, that we may rise refreshed and strengthened, like Antæus from the earth. Private, secluded, sweet, wholly our own; not invaded by any trade or work or business, not open to the crowd; the place of the one initial and undying group of father, mother, and child, will remain to us. These, and the real friend, are all that belong to the home.
Must we then leave it—lose it—go without it? Never. The more we socialize, the more we need our homes to rest in. A larger space is necessary for the human spirit; the big, modern, civilized social nature. But we are still individual beings as well as collective ones. We always need to return to the familiar connections, to the fundamental roots, so we can rise refreshed and strengthened, like Antaeus from the earth. Private, secluded, sweet, entirely our own; not invaded by any trade or work or business, not open to the crowd; the place of the original and everlasting group of father, mother, and child will always be ours. These, along with true friends, are all that truly belong to the home.
It should be the recognised base and background of our lives; but those lives must be lived in their true area, the world. And so lived, by both of us, all of us; shared in by the child, served in by the woman as well as the man; that world will grow to have the sense of intimacy, of permanent close attachment, of comfort and pleasure and rest, which now attaches only to the home.
It should be the acknowledged foundation and context of our lives; but those lives need to be lived in their genuine setting, the world. And when lived that way, by both of us, by all of us; experienced by the child, contributed to by the woman as well as the man; that world will develop a feeling of closeness, of lasting connection, of comfort and joy and relaxation, which currently belongs only to home.
So, living, really living in the world and loving it, the presence there of father, mother, and child will gradually bring out in it all the beauty and safety, the refreshment and strength we so vainly seek to ensure in our private home. The sense of duty, of reverence, of love, honestly transferred to the world we live in, will have its natural, its inevitable effect, and make that world our home at last.
So, truly living in the world and appreciating it, the presence of father, mother, and child will slowly reveal all the beauty and security, the renewal and strength we foolishly try to secure in our personal space. The sense of duty, respect, and love, genuinely extended to the world we inhabit, will have its natural and unavoidable impact, making that world our home at last.
THE END
THE END
BOOKS BY CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
Books by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
The Man-made World,
or:
Our Androcentric Culture.
The Man-made World, or: Our Male-Dominated Culture.
By
By
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
Many books have been written about women, as such; women as females.
Many books have been written about women in general; women as individuals.
This is a book about men, as such; men as males.
This is a book about men, specifically; men as males.
Women have been considered as a sex, and their character and actions so discussed.
Women have been viewed as a gender, and their behaviors and personalities have been the subject of much discussion.
This book considers men as a sex; and their character and actions are so discussed.
This book looks at men as a gender and discusses their character and actions.
Too much of women's influence is dreaded as "feminization"—as likely to render our culture "effeminate."
Too much influence from women is feared as "feminization"—as if it will make our culture "soft."
Too much of men's influence is here studied as "masculization" and as having rendered our culture—there is no analogue for "effeminate."
Too much of men's influence is examined here as "masculinization" and has shaped our culture—there's no equivalent term for "feminine."
We have heard much of the "eternal womanly;" this book treats of the eternal manly.
We've heard a lot about the "eternal feminine;" this book is about the eternal masculine.
"Cherchez la femme!" is the old hue and cry; this book raises a new one: "Cherchez l'homme!"
"Cherchez la femme!" is the old rallying cry; this book introduces a new one: "Cherchez l'homme!"
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.00.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.00.
What Diantha Did.
What Diantha Did.
A Novel by
A Book by
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
We have had military novels, and marine novels; novels of adventure, of mystery and crime; religious novels, historic novels, novels of business life, trades unions and the labor question; novels of "local color," dialect novels; and romances pure and simple—also impure and complicated. This novel deals with the most practical problem of women's lives today—and settles it—NOT by cooperation.
We’ve had military novels, sea novels, adventure stories, mystery and crime novels; religious novels, historical novels, books about business life, labor unions, and the labor issue; novels featuring "local color," dialect novels; and straightforward romances—some of which get pretty messy. This novel tackles the most pressing issue in women's lives today—and resolves it—NOT through cooperation.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.00.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.00.
"THE YELLOW WALLPAPER"
"The Yellow Wallpaper"
Worthy of a place beside some of the weird masterpieces of Hawthorne and Poe.—Literature.
Worthy of being mentioned alongside some of the strange masterpieces of Hawthorne and Poe.—Literature.
As a short story it stands among the most powerful produced in America.—Chicago News.
As a short story, it ranks among the most powerful ever created in America.—Chicago News.
By mail of Charlton Co., $0.50.
By mail of Charlton Co., $0.50.
"HUMAN WORK"
"HUMAN LABOR"
Charlotte Perkins Gilman has added a third to her great trilogy of books on economic subjects as they affect our daily life, particularly in the home. Mrs. Gilman is by far the most brilliant woman writer of our day, and this new volume, which she calls "Human Work," is a glorification of labor.—New Orleans Picayune.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman has added a third book to her important trilogy on economic topics as they relate to our everyday lives, especially at home. Mrs. Gilman is undoubtedly the most talented female author of our time, and this new volume, titled "Human Work," celebrates labor. —New Orleans Picayune.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman has been writing a new book, entitled "Human Work." It is the best thing that Mrs. Gilman has done, and it is meant to focus all of her previous work, so to speak.—Tribune, Chicago.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman has been writing a new book called "Human Work." It's the best thing Mrs. Gilman has done, and it's intended to bring together all her previous work, so to speak.—Tribune, Chicago.
In her latest volume, "Human Work," Charlotte Perkins Gilman places herself among the foremost students and elucidators of the problem of social economics.—San Francisco Star.
In her latest book, "Human Work," Charlotte Perkins Gilman positions herself as one of the leading scholars and explainers of the issue of social economics.—San Francisco Star.
It is impossible to overestimate the value of the insistence on the social aspect of human affairs as Mrs. Gilman has outlined it.—Public Opinion.
It’s impossible to overstate how important it is to recognize the social side of human interactions, as Mrs. Gilman has described it.—Public Opinion.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.00.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.00.
"IN THIS OUR WORLD"
"IN THIS WORLD OF OURS"
There is a joyous superabundance of life, of strength, of health, in Mrs. Gilman's verse, which seems born of the glorious sunshine and rich gardens of California.—Washington Times.
There is a joyful overflow of life, strength, and health in Mrs. Gilman's poetry, which feels inspired by the glorious sunshine and lush gardens of California.—Washington Times.
The freshness, charm and geniality of her satire temporarily convert us to her most advanced views.—Boston Journal.
The freshness, charm, and warmth of her satire briefly win us over to her most progressive ideas.—Boston Journal.
The poet of women and for women, a new and prophetic voice in the world. Montaigne would have rejoiced in her.—Mexican Herald.
The poet of women and for women, a fresh and visionary voice in the world. Montaigne would have celebrated her.—Mexican Herald.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.25.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.25.
"THE HOME"
"THE HOME"
Indeed, Mrs. Gilman has not intended her book so much as a treatise for scholars as a surgical operation on the popular mind.—The Critic, New York.
Indeed, Mrs. Gilman did not intend her book to be so much a scholarly treatise as a surgical operation on the public consciousness.—The Critic, New York.
Whatever Mrs. Gilman writes, people read—approving or protesting, still they read.—Republican, Springfield, Mass.
Whatever Mrs. Gilman writes, people read—whether they approve or protest, they still read.—Republican, Springfield, Mass.
Full of thought and of new and striking suggestions. Tells what the average woman has and ought not keep, what she is and ought not be.—Literature World.
Full of insights and fresh, impactful ideas. Explains what the average woman has and should not hold onto, what she is and should not become.—Literature World.
But it is safe to say that no more stimulating arraignment has ever before taken shape and that the argument of the book is noble, and, on the whole, convincing.—Congregationalist, Boston.
But it’s safe to say that no more engaging accusation has ever come about and that the book’s argument is admirable and, overall, persuasive.—Congregationalist, Boston.
The name of this author is a guarantee of logical reasoning, sound economical principles and progressive thought.—The Craftsman, Syracuse.
The name of this author guarantees logical reasoning, solid economic principles, and forward-thinking ideas.—The Craftsman, Syracuse.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.00.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.00.
"The Home" has been translated into Swedish.
"The Home" has been translated into Swedish.
"WOMEN AND ECONOMICS"
"Women and Economics"
Since John Stuart Mill's essay there has been no book dealing with the whole position of women to approach it in originality of conception and brilliancy of exposition.—London Chronicle.
Since John Stuart Mill's essay, no book has addressed the entire situation of women with the same level of original thought and exceptional clarity. —London Chronicle.
The most significant utterance on the subject since Mill's "Subjection of Women."—The Nation.
The most important statement on the topic since Mill's "Subjection of Women."—The Nation.
It is the strongest book on the woman question that has yet been published.—Minneapolis Journal.
It is the most powerful book on women's issues that has been published so far.—Minneapolis Journal.
A remarkable book. A work on economics that has not a dull page,—the work of a woman about women that has not a flippant word.—Boston Transcript.
A fantastic book. It's an engaging read on economics with no boring pages—created by a woman for women that doesn’t contain a single flippant remark.—Boston Transcript.
This book unites in a remarkable degree the charm of a brilliantly written essay with the inevitable logic of a proposition of Euclid. Nothing that we have read for many a long day can approach in clearness of conception, in power of arrangement, and in lucidity of expression the argument developed in the first seven chapters of this remarkable book.—Westminster Gazette, London.
This book combines the appeal of a well-written essay with the clear logic of a Euclidean proposition. Nothing we've read in a long time matches the clarity of ideas, the strength of organization, and the clarity of expression found in the arguments presented in the first seven chapters of this outstanding book.—Westminster Gazette, London.
Will be widely read and discussed as the cleverest, fairest, most forcible presentation of the view of the rapidly increasing group who look with favor on the extension of industrial employment to women.—Political Science Quarterly.
Will be widely read and talked about as the smartest, most balanced, and most persuasive presentation of the perspective of the growing group that supports expanding industrial jobs for women.—Political Science Quarterly.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.50.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.50.
"Women and Economics" has been translated into German, Dutch, Italian, Hungarian, Russian and Japanese.
"Women and Economics" has been translated into German, Dutch, Italian, Hungarian, Russian, and Japanese.
"CONCERNING CHILDREN"
"ABOUT KIDS"
Wanted:—A philanthropist, to give a copy to every English-speaking parent.—The Times, New York.
Needed:—A philanthropist to provide a copy to every English-speaking parent.—The Times, New York.
Should be read by every mother in the land.—The Press, New York.
Should be read by every mother everywhere.—The Press, New York.
Wholesomely disturbing book that deserves to be read for its own sake.—Chicago Dial.
Wholesomely disturbing book that deserves to be read for its own sake.—Chicago Dial.
By mail of Charlton Co., $1.25.
By mail from Charlton Co., $1.25.
"Concerning Children" has been translated into German, Dutch and Yiddish.
"Concerning Children" has been translated into German, Dutch, and Yiddish.
CHARLTON COMPANY, 67 Wall St., New York
CHARLTON COMPANY, 67 Wall St., New York
THE FORERUNNER
THE TRAILBLAZER
A monthly magazine; written,
edited, owned and published by
A monthly magazine; written,
edited, owned, and published by
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
67 Wall Street, New York City,
U.S.A.
67 Wall Street, New York City,
U.S.A.
SUBSCRIPTION PER YEAR:
YEARLY SUBSCRIPTION:
Domestic | $1.00 |
Canadian | 1.12 |
Foreign | 1.25 |
This magazine carries Mrs. Gilman's best and newest work; her social philosophy, verse, satire, fiction, ethical teaching, humor, and opinion.
This magazine features Mrs. Gilman's best and latest work, including her social philosophy, poetry, satire, fiction, moral teachings, humor, and opinions.
It stands for Humanness in Women, and in Men; for better methods in Child-culture; for the New Ethics, the New Economics, the New World we are to make—are making.
It represents humanity in women and men; for better ways of raising children; for the new ethics, the new economics, the new world we are building—are creating.
ORDERS TAKEN FOR
ORDER NOW FOR
Bound Vols. of first year, $1.25
Bound volumes of the first year, $1.25
Books by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Books by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Women and Economics | $1.50 |
Concerning Children | 1.25 |
In This Our World (verse) | 1.25 |
The Yellow Wallpaper (story) | 0.50 |
The Home | 1.00 |
Human Work | 1.00 |
What Diantha Did (novel) | 1.00 |
The Man-made World; or, Our Androcentric Culture | 1.00 |
CHARLTON COMPANY, 67 Wall St., New York
CHARLTON COMPANY, 67 Wall St., New York
Transcriber's Note:
Transcriber's Note:
Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note.
Minor typos have been fixed without comment.
Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as printed.
Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been kept as printed.
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