This is a modern-English version of Mrs. Craddock, originally written by Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset).
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Every attempt has been made to replicate the original as printed. Every effort has been made to duplicate the original as it was printed. Some typographical errors have been corrected; a list follows the text. Some typos fixed; __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__. (etext transcriber's note) (etext transcriber's note) |
MRS. CRADDOCK
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
MRS. CRADDOCK
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM

By By |
OF HUMAN BONDAGE |
THE MOON AND SIXPENCE |
MRS. CRADDOCK |
THE EXPLORER |
NEW YORK GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY |
MRS. CRADDOCK
By
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
AUTHOR OF “THE MOON AND SIXPENCE,”
“OF HUMAN BONDAGE,” ETC.
NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
By
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
AUTHOR OF “THE MOON AND SIXPENCE,”
“OF HUMAN BONDAGE,” ETC.
NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
EPISTLE DEDICATORY
Dear Miss Ley,—You will not consider it unflattering if I ask myself when exactly it was that I had the good fortune to make your acquaintance; for, though I am well aware the date is not far distant, I seem to have known you all my life. Was it really during the summer before last, at Naples? (I forget why you go habitually to winter resorts in the middle of August; the reasons you gave were ingenious but inconclusive—surely it is not to avoid your fellow-countrymen?) I was in the Gallery of Masterpieces, looking at the wonderful portrait-statue of Agrippina, when you, sitting beside me, asked some question. We began to talk—by the way, we never inquired if our respective families were desirable; you took my reputability for granted—and since then we have passed a good deal of time together; indeed, you have been seldom absent from my thoughts.
Dear Ms. Ley,—I hope you don’t find it rude if I ask when exactly I had the pleasure of meeting you, because even though I know it wasn’t that long ago, it feels like I’ve known you forever. Was it really the summer before last in Naples? (I can’t remember why you usually go to winter resorts in the middle of August; your explanations were clever but didn’t quite make sense—surely it’s not to avoid your fellow countrymen?) I was in the Gallery of Masterpieces, admiring the amazing portrait-statue of Agrippina, when you, sitting next to me, asked a question. We started talking—and by the way, we never asked if our families were suitable; you just assumed I was respectable—and since then, we’ve spent a lot of time together; in fact, you’ve hardly ever left my mind.
Now that we stand at a parting of ways (the phrase is hackneyed and you would loathe it), you must permit me to tell you what pleasure your regard has given me and how thoroughly I have enjoyed our intercourse, regretting always that inevitable circumstances made it so rare. I confess I stand in awe of you—this you will not believe, for you have often accused me of flippancy (I am not half so flippant as you); but your thin and mocking smile, after some remark of mine, continually makes me feel that I have said a foolish thing, than which in your eyes I know there is no greater crime.... You have told me that when an acquaintance has left a pleasant recollection, one should resist the temptation to renew it; altered time and surroundings create new impressions which cannot rival with the old, doubly idealised by novelty and absence. The maxim is hard, but therefore, perhaps, more likely to be true. Still, I cannot wish that the future may bring us nothing better than forgetfulness. It is certain that our paths are different, I shall be occupied with other work and you will be lost to me in the labyrinth of Italian hotels, wherein it pleases you, perversely, to hide your lights. I see no prospect of reunion (this sounds quite sentimental and you hate effusiveness. My letter is certainly over-full of parentheses); but I wish, notwithstanding and with all my heart, that some day you may consent to risk the experiment. What say you? I am, dear Miss Ley, very truly (don’t laugh at me, I should like to say—affectionately),—Yours,
Now that we're at a crossroads (I know this phrase is overused and you can't stand it), I need to tell you how much your attention has meant to me and how much I've enjoyed our conversations, always wishing they were more frequent given the circumstances. I admit I’m in awe of you — you probably won’t believe this, since you've often said I'm too casual (I'm not nearly as flippant as you think); but your slight, mocking smile after something I say always makes me feel like I've said something silly, which I know is the biggest offense in your eyes... You once told me that when someone leaves behind a pleasant memory, it's best not to try to recreate it; the changing times and settings create new impressions that can't compare to the old ones, which are made even more special by their novelty and absence. That saying is tough, but maybe because of that, it's more likely to be true. Still, I can’t hope that the future holds nothing for us but forgetfulness. It's clear our paths are diverging; I’ll be busy with other projects and you’ll be lost in the maze of Italian hotels, where you enjoy hiding your brilliance, for some reason. I see no chance of us reuniting (I know this sounds really sentimental and you don’t like that kind of thing. This letter is definitely filled with asides); but I genuinely hope that one day you might consider taking that chance. What do you think? I am, dear Miss Ley, truly (please don’t laugh at me, I would like to say — affectionately),—Yours,
W. M.
W. M.
MRS. CRADDOCK
Chapter I
THIS book might be called also The Triumph of Love. Bertha was looking out of window, at the bleakness of the day. The sky was sombre and the clouds heavy and low; the neglected carriage-drive was swept by the bitter wind, and the elm-trees that bordered it were bare of leaf, their naked branches shivering with horror of the cold. It was the end of November, and the day was utterly cheerless. The dying year seemed to have cast over all Nature the terror of death; the imagination would not bring to the wearied mind thoughts of the merciful sunshine, thoughts of the Spring coming as a maiden to scatter from her baskets the flowers and the green leaves.
THIS book could also be called The Triumph of Love. Bertha was staring out the window, taking in the dreariness of the day. The sky was dull, with heavy clouds hanging low; the neglected driveway was blown by a biting wind, and the elm trees lining it were stripped bare, their bare branches trembling in the cold. It was the end of November, and the day felt completely gloomy. The dying year seemed to have cast a shadow of death over all of nature; her weary mind couldn't conjure any thoughts of the comforting sunshine or the arrival of Spring, coming like a maiden to scatter flowers and green leaves from her baskets.
Bertha turned round and looked at her aunt, cutting the leaves of a new Spectator. Wondering what books to get down from Mudie’s, Miss Ley read the autumn lists and the laudatory expressions which the adroitness of publishers extracts from unfavourable reviews.
Bertha turned around and looked at her aunt, clipping the leaves of a new Spectator. Wondering which books to choose from Mudie’s, Miss Ley read the autumn lists and the complimentary phrases that skillful publishers pull from negative reviews.
“You’re very restless this afternoon, Bertha,” she remarked, in answer to the girl’s steady gaze.
“You're really restless this afternoon, Bertha,” she said, in response to the girl's intense stare.
“I think I shall walk down to the gate.”
“I think I’ll walk down to the gate.”
“You’ve already visited the gate twice in the last hour. Do you find in it something alarmingly novel?”
“You’ve already been to the gate twice in the last hour. Do you discover something surprisingly new there?”
Bertha did not reply, but turned again to the window: the scene in the last two hours had fixed itself upon her mind with monotonous accuracy.
Bertha didn’t respond but turned back to the window. The events of the last two hours had etched themselves in her mind with a steady clarity.
“What are you thinking about, Aunt Polly?” she asked suddenly, turning back to her aunt and catching the eyes fixed upon her.
“What are you thinking about, Aunt Polly?” she asked suddenly, turning back to her aunt and meeting her gaze.
“I was thinking that one must be very penetrative to discover a woman’s emotions from the view of her back hair.”
“I was thinking that you have to be very insightful to discover a woman’s emotions just by looking at her hair from behind.”
Bertha laughed: “I don’t think I have any emotions to discover. I feel ...” she sought for some way of expressing the sensation—“I feel as if I should like to take my hair down.”
Bertha laughed: “I don’t think there are any emotions for me to uncover. I feel...” she searched for a way to articulate the sensation—“I feel like I want to let my hair down.”
Miss Ley made no rejoinder, but looked again at her paper. She hardly wondered what her niece meant, having long ceased to be astonished at Bertha’s ways and doings; indeed, her only surprise was that they never sufficiently corroborated the common opinion that Bertha was an independent young woman from whom anything might be expected. In the three years they had spent together since the death of Bertha’s father the two women had learned to tolerate one another extremely well. Their mutual affection was mild and perfectly respectable, in every way becoming to fastidious persons bound together by ties of convenience and decorum.... Miss Ley, called to the deathbed of her brother in Italy, made Bertha’s acquaintance over the dead man’s grave, and the girl was then too old and of too independent character to accept a stranger’s authority; nor had Miss Ley the smallest desire to exert authority over any one. She was a very indolent woman, who wished nothing more than to leave people alone and be left alone by them. But if it was obviously her duty to take charge of an orphan niece, it was also an advantage that Bertha was eighteen, and, but for the conventions of decent society, could very well take charge of herself. Miss Ley was not unthankful to a merciful Providence on the discovery that her ward had every intention of going her own way, and none whatever of hanging about the skirts of a maiden aunt who was passionately devoted to her liberty.
Miss Ley didn't respond but glanced back at her paper. She barely wondered what her niece meant, having long since stopped being surprised by Bertha’s behavior; in fact, her only astonishment was that Bertha never fully confirmed the common belief that she was an independent young woman from whom anything could be expected. Over the three years they had spent together since Bertha’s father's death, the two women had learned to tolerate each other very well. Their mutual affection was mild and entirely respectable, perfectly suited to discerning individuals connected by convenience and decorum.... Miss Ley, summoned to her brother's deathbed in Italy, met Bertha at the grave, and the girl was at that age too old and too independent to accept the authority of a stranger; nor did Miss Ley have the slightest desire to exert authority over anyone. She was a very laid-back woman who wanted nothing more than to be left alone and to leave others alone. But while it was clearly her duty to look after her orphaned niece, it was also a relief that Bertha was eighteen and, except for the norms of decent society, could very well take care of herself. Miss Ley was quite grateful to a kind Providence for the realization that her ward intended to follow her own path and had no intention of clinging to the skirts of a maiden aunt who was passionately devoted to her freedom.
They travelled on the Continent, seeing many churches, pictures, and cities, in the examination of which their chief aim appeared to be to conceal from one another the emotions they felt. Like the Red Indian who will suffer the most horrid tortures without wincing, Miss Ley would have thought it highly disgraceful to display feeling at some touching scene. She used polite cynicism as a cloak for sentimentality, laughing that she might not cry—and her want of originality herein, the old repetition of Grimaldi’s doubleness, made her snigger at herself. She felt that tears were unbecoming and foolish.
They traveled across Europe, visiting many churches, paintings, and cities, with their main goal seeming to be hiding their feelings from each other. Like a Native American who can endure the worst pain without flinching, Miss Ley would have found it shameful to show any emotion during a touching moment. She used polite sarcasm to hide her sentimental side, laughing to avoid crying—and her lack of originality in this, a repeated pattern of Grimaldi’s duality, made her chuckle at herself. She believed that tears were unattractive and silly.
“Weeping makes a fright even of a good-looking woman,” she said, “but if she is ugly they make her simply repulsive.”
“Weeping makes even a good-looking woman appear scary,” she said, “but if she’s ugly, they make her completely repulsive.”
Finally, letting her own flat in London, Miss Ley settled down with Bertha to cultivate rural delights at Court Leys, near Blackstable, in the county of Kent. The two ladies lived together with much harmony, although the demonstrations of their affection did not exceed a single kiss morning and night, given and received with almost equal indifference. Each had considerable respect for the other’s abilities, and particularly for the wit which occasionally exhibited itself in little friendly sarcasms. But they were too clever to get on badly, and since they neither hated nor loved one another excessively, there was really no reason why they should not continue on the best of terms. The general result of their relations was that Bertha’s restlessness on this particular day aroused in Miss Ley no more question than was easily answered by the warmth of her young blood; and her eccentric curiosity in respect of the gate on a very cold and unpleasant winter afternoon did not even cause a shrug of disapproval or an upraising of the eyelids in wonder.
Finally, after letting her flat in London, Miss Ley settled down with Bertha to enjoy the rural pleasures at Court Leys, near Blackstable, in Kent. The two women lived together in harmony, even though their displays of affection were limited to a single kiss in the morning and one at night, given and received with almost equal indifference. Each respected the other's talents, especially the wit that sometimes showed itself in playful sarcasm. They were too smart to have a bad relationship, and since they didn't hate or love each other intensely, there was really no reason they couldn't stay on good terms. The overall result of their relationship was that Bertha’s restlessness on this particular day raised no more questions for Miss Ley than could be easily answered by the energy of her youth; and her curious interest in the gate on a very cold and unpleasant winter afternoon didn't even warrant a shrug of disapproval or a raised eyebrow in surprise.
Bertha put on a hat and walked out. The avenue of elm-trees, reaching from the façade of Court Leys in a straight line to the gates, had been once rather an imposing sight, but now announced clearly the ruin of an ancient house. Here and there a tree had died and fallen, leaving an unsightly gap, and one huge trunk still lay upon the ground after a terrific storm of the preceding year, left there to rot in the indifference of bailiffs and of tenants. On either side of the elms was a broad strip of meadow which once had been a well-kept lawn, but now was foul with docks and rank weeds; a few sheep nibbled the grass where a century ago fine ladies in hoops and gentlemen with periwigs had sauntered, discussing the wars and the last volumes of Mr. Richardson. Beyond was an ill-trimmed hedge, and then the broad fields of the Ley estate.... Bertha walked down, looking at the highway beyond the gate. It was a relief to feel no longer Miss Ley’s cold eyes fixed upon her; she had emotions enough in her breast, they beat against one another like birds in a net struggling to get free; but not for worlds would Bertha have bidden any one look in her heart full of expectation, of longings, of a hundred strange desires. She went out on the highroad that led from Blackstable to Tercanbury, she looked up and down with a tremor, and a quick beating of the heart. But the road was empty, swept by the winter wind, and she almost sobbed with disappointment.
Bertha put on a hat and stepped outside. The avenue of elm trees, which used to stretch directly from the front of Court Leys to the gates, had once been quite a grand sight, but now showed the clear decline of an old estate. Here and there a tree had died and fallen, leaving an unattractive gap, and one massive trunk still lay on the ground after a fierce storm the previous year, abandoned to decay by indifferent bailiffs and tenants. On either side of the elms was a wide strip of meadow that had once been a well-manicured lawn but was now overrun with docks and thick weeds; a few sheep grazed on the grass where, a century ago, elegant ladies in wide skirts and gentlemen with powdered wigs had strolled, discussing the wars and the latest works of Mr. Richardson. Beyond was a ragged hedge, followed by the expansive fields of the Ley estate.... Bertha walked down, glancing at the road beyond the gate. It was a relief to no longer have Miss Ley's icy gaze on her; she felt all sorts of emotions bubbling inside her, clashing like birds in a net trying to escape; but she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to peer into her heart filled with hope, yearning, and a hundred strange desires. She stepped onto the main road leading from Blackstable to Tercanbury, looking up and down with a shiver and a racing heart. But the road was empty, swept clean by the winter wind, and she felt like crying with disappointment.
She could not return to the house; a roof just then would stifle her, and the walls seemed like a prison: there was a certain pleasure in the biting wind that blew through her clothes and chilled her to the bone. The waiting was terrible. She entered the grounds and looked up the carriage-drive to the big white house which was hers. The very roadway was in need of repair, and the dead leaves that none troubled about rustled hither and thither in the gusts of wind. The house stood in its squareness without relation to any environment: built in the reign of George II., it seemed to have acquired no hold upon the land which bore it. With its plain front and many windows, the Doric portico exactly in the middle, it looked as if it were merely placed upon the ground as a house of cards is built upon the floor, with no foundations. The passing years had given it no beauty, and it stood now as for more than a century it had stood, a blot upon the landscape, vulgar and new. Surrounded by the fields, it had no garden but for a few beds planted about its feet, and in these the flowers, uncared for, had grown wild or withered away.
She couldn't go back to the house; being inside would suffocate her, and the walls felt like a prison. There was a certain thrill in the biting wind that whipped through her clothes and chilled her to the bone. The waiting was unbearable. She walked into the grounds and looked up the driveway to the big white house that belonged to her. The very road needed repair, and the dead leaves that no one cared about rustled this way and that in the gusts of wind. The house stood there in its square shape, disconnected from its surroundings: built during the reign of George II, it seemed to have made no connection with the land beneath it. With its plain facade and numerous windows, the Doric portico right in the center, it looked like it was just placed on the ground like a house of cards set on the floor, without any foundations. The years had added no beauty to it, and it stood there, just like it had for over a century, a blight on the landscape, tacky and out of place. Surrounded by fields, it had no garden other than a few flower beds around its base, where the flowers, neglected, had either grown wild or faded away.
The day was declining and the lowering clouds seemed to shut out the light. Bertha gave up hope. But she looked once more down the hill and her heart gave a great thud against her chest; she felt herself blushing furiously. Her blood seemed to rush through the vessels with sudden rapidity, and in dismay at her want of composure she had an impulse to turn quickly and fly. She forgot the sickening expectation, the hours she had spent in looking for the figure that tramped up the hill.
The day was getting darker, and the thickening clouds seemed to block out the light. Bertha lost hope. But she looked down the hill again, and her heart pounded in her chest; she felt herself blushing intensely. She could feel her blood rushing through her veins, and in panic over her lack of control, she suddenly wanted to turn around and run. She forgot the overwhelming anticipation, the hours she had spent searching for the figure that was making its way up the hill.
Of course it was a man! He came nearer, a tall fellow of twenty-seven, massively set together, big boned, with long arms and legs, and a magnificent breadth of chest. Bertha recognised the costume that always pleased her, the knickerbockers and gaiters, the Norfolk-jacket of rough tweed, the white stock and the cap—all redolent of the country which for his sake she was beginning to love, and all vigorously masculine. Even the huge boots which covered his feet gave her by their very size a thrill of pleasure; their dimensions suggested a certain firmness of character, a masterfulness, which were intensely reassuring. The style of dress fitted perfectly the background of brown road and of ploughed field. Bertha wondered if he knew that he was exceedingly picturesque as he climbed the hill.
Of course it was a man! He came closer, a tall guy about twenty-seven, well-built, with long arms and legs, and a strong chest. Bertha recognized the outfit that always made her happy: the knickerbockers and gaiters, the rough tweed Norfolk jacket, the white stock, and the cap—all reminding her of the countryside she was starting to love for his sake, and all very masculine. Even the huge boots he wore thrilled her because of their size; they suggested a certain firmness of character and a sense of authority that were really comforting. His style of dress matched perfectly with the brown road and the plowed field background. Bertha wondered if he realized how incredibly picturesque he looked as he climbed the hill.
“Afternoon, Miss Bertha.”
"Good afternoon, Miss Bertha."
He showed no sign of pausing, and the girl’s heart sank at the thought that he might go on with only a commonplace word of greeting.
He didn't hesitate at all, and the girl's heart dropped at the thought that he might continue with just a simple word of greeting.
“I thought it was you I saw coming up the hill,” she said, stretching out her hand.
“I thought it was you I saw coming up the hill,” she said, reaching out her hand.
He stopped and shook it; the touch of his big, firm fingers made her tremble. His hand was massive and hard as if it were hewn of stone. She looked up at him and smiled.
He stopped and shook it; the feel of his big, strong fingers made her shiver. His hand was huge and solid, like it was made of stone. She looked up at him and smiled.
“Isn’t it cold?” she said. It is terrible to be desirous of saying all sorts of passionate things, while convention debars you from any but the most commonplace.
“Isn’t it cold?” she said. It’s awful to want to express all sorts of passionate things while society prevents you from saying anything but the most ordinary.
“You haven’t been walking at the rate of five miles an hour,” he said, cheerily. “I’ve been into Blackstable to see about buying a nag.”
“You haven’t been walking at the speed of five miles an hour,” he said, cheerfully. “I’ve gone to Blackstable to check on getting a horse.”
He was the very picture of health; the winds of November were like summer breezes to him, and his face glowed with the pleasant cold. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes glistened. His vitality was intense, shining out upon others with almost a material warmth.
He was the perfect example of health; the November winds felt like summer breezes to him, and his face lit up with the refreshing chill. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes sparkled. His energy was so strong that it radiated warmth to those around him.
“Were you going out?” he asked.
“Are you going out?” he asked.
“Oh no,” Bertha replied, without strict regard to truth. “I just walked down to the gate and I happened to catch sight of you.”
“Oh no,” Bertha replied, not really worried about the truth. “I just walked down to the gate and happened to see you.”
“I am very glad—I see you so seldom now, Miss Bertha.”
“I’m really glad—I don’t see you much these days, Miss Bertha.”
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Miss Bertha” she cried, “it sounds horrid.” It was worse than that, it sounded almost menial. “When we were boy and girl we used to call each other by our Christian names.”
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Miss Bertha,” she complained, “it sounds terrible.” It was worse than that; it sounded almost degrading. “When we were kids, we used to call each other by our first names.”
He blushed a little and his modesty filled Bertha with delight.
He turned a bit red, and his shyness made Bertha really happy.
“Yes, but when you came back six months ago, you had changed so much—I didn’t dare; and besides, you called me Mr. Craddock.”
“Yes, but when you came back six months ago, you had changed so much—I didn’t dare; plus, you called me Mr. Craddock.”
“Well, I won’t any more,” she said, laughing; “I’d much sooner call you Edward.”
“Well, I won't be doing that anymore,” she said, laughing; “I’d much rather call you Edward.”
She did not add that the word seemed to her the most beautiful in the whole list of Christian names, nor that in the past few weeks she had already repeated it to herself a thousand times.
She didn’t mention that the word felt like the most beautiful one on the whole list of Christian names, nor that in the last few weeks she had already said it to herself a thousand times.
“It’ll be like old days,” he said. “D’you remember what fun we used to have when you were a little girl, before you went abroad with Mr. Ley?”
“It’ll be like the old days,” he said. “Do you remember how much fun we had when you were a little girl, before you went abroad with Mr. Ley?”
“I remember that you used to look upon me with great contempt because I was a little girl,” she replied, laughing.
“I remember that you used to look at me with a lot of disdain because I was a little girl,” she said, laughing.
“Well, I was awfully frightened the first time I saw you again—with your hair up and long dresses.”
“Well, I was really scared the first time I saw you again—with your hair up and in long dresses.”
“I’m not really very terrible.”
“I’m not that bad.”
For five minutes they had been looking into one another’s eyes, and suddenly, without obvious reason, Craddock blushed. Bertha noticed it, and a strange little thrill went through her; she reddened too, and her dark eyes flashed even more brightly than before.
For five minutes, they had been staring into each other's eyes, and then, out of nowhere, Craddock blushed. Bertha saw it, and a strange little thrill ran through her; she blushed too, and her dark eyes sparkled even more brightly than before.
“I wish I didn’t see you so seldom, Miss Bertha,” he said.
“I wish I could see you more often, Miss Bertha,” he said.
“You have only yourself to blame, fair sir. You perceive the road that leads to my palace, and at the end you will certainly find a door.”
“You have only yourself to blame, good sir. You see the path that leads to my palace, and at the end, you will definitely find a door.”
“I’m rather afraid of your aunt.”
“I’m pretty afraid of your aunt.”
It was on the tip of Bertha’s tongue to say that faint heart never won fair lady, but for modesty’s sake she refrained. Her spirits had suddenly gone up and she felt extraordinarily happy.
It was on the tip of Bertha’s tongue to say that a timid heart never won a beautiful lady, but out of modesty, she held back. Her spirits had suddenly lifted, and she felt incredibly happy.
“Do you want to see me very badly?” she asked, her heart beating at quite an absurd rate.
“Do you really want to see me?” she asked, her heart racing at a totally crazy pace.
Craddock blushed again and seemed to have some difficulty in finding a reply; his confusion and his ingenuous air were new enchantments to Bertha.
Craddock blushed again and seemed to struggle to find a response; his embarrassment and innocent demeanor were fresh charms to Bertha.
“If he only knew how I adored him!” she thought; but naturally she could not tell him in so many words.
“If he only knew how much I adored him!” she thought; but of course she couldn’t say it to him directly.
“You’ve changed so much in these years,” he said, “I don’t understand you.”
“You’ve changed so much over the years,” he said, “I don’t get you.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
"You still haven't answered me."
“Of course I want to see you, Bertha,” he said quickly, seeming to take his courage in both hands; “I want to see you always.”
“Of course I want to see you, Bertha,” he said quickly, seeming to gather his courage; “I want to see you all the time.”
“Well,” she said, with a charming smile, “I sometimes take a walk after dinner to the gate and observe the shadows of night.”
“Well,” she said with a charming smile, “I sometimes take a walk to the gate after dinner and watch the shadows of the night.”
“By Jove, I wish I’d known that before.”
"Wow, I wish I had known that earlier."
Chapter II
WITH swinging step Bertha returned to the house, and like a swarm of birds a hundred amorets flew about her head; Cupid leapt from tree to tree and shot his arrows into her willing heart; her imagination clothed the naked branches with tender green, and in her happiness the gray sky turned to azure.... It was the first time that Edward Craddock had shown his love in a manner which was unmistakable; if before, much had suggested that he was not indifferent, nothing had been absolutely convincing, and the doubt had caused her every imaginable woe. As for her, she made no effort to conceal it from herself; she was not ashamed, she loved him passionately, she worshipped the ground he trod on; she confessed boldly that he of all men was the one to make her happy; her life she would give into his strong and manly hands. She had made up her mind firmly that Craddock should lead her to the altar.
WITH a cheerful step, Bertha returned to the house, and like a flock of birds, a hundred little cupids flew around her head; Cupid jumped from tree to tree and shot his arrows into her eager heart; her imagination dressed the bare branches in soft green, and in her joy, the gray sky turned blue.... This was the first time Edward Craddock had expressed his love in a way that was clear; before, there had been many hints that he wasn’t indifferent, but nothing had been completely convincing, and that uncertainty had caused her endless pain. As for her, she didn’t try to hide it from herself; she wasn’t ashamed, she loved him deeply, and she adored the ground he walked on; she openly admitted that he was the one man who could make her happy; she would give her life into his strong and capable hands. She had firmly decided that Craddock would take her to the altar.
Times without number already had she fancied herself resting in his arms—in his strong arms—the very thought of which was a protection against all the ills of the world. Oh yes, she wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her; in imagination she felt his lips upon hers, and the warmth of his breath made her faint with the anguish of love.
Times without number, she had imagined herself resting in his strong arms—the mere thought of that being a shield against all the troubles in the world. Oh yes, she wanted him to hold her and kiss her; in her imagination, she felt his lips on hers, and the warmth of his breath made her dizzy with the pain of love.
She asked herself how she could wait till the evening; how on earth was she to endure the slow passing of the hours? And she must sit opposite her aunt and pretend to read, or talk on this subject and on that. It was insufferable. Then, inconsequently, she asked herself if Edward knew that she loved him; he could not dream how intense was her desire.
She wondered how she could wait until the evening; how was she supposed to handle the slow ticking away of the hours? And she had to sit across from her aunt and pretend to read or discuss this topic and that. It was unbearable. Then, without any real connection to her thoughts, she wondered if Edward knew that she loved him; he couldn’t possibly imagine how deep her longing was.
“I’m sorry I’m late for tea,” she said, on entering the drawing-room.
“I’m sorry I’m late for tea,” she said, as she entered the living room.
“My dear,” said Miss Ley, “the buttered toast is probably horrid, but I don’t see why you should not eat cake.”
“My dear,” said Miss Ley, “the buttered toast is probably terrible, but I don’t see why you shouldn’t have cake.”
“I don’t want anything to eat,” cried Bertha, flinging herself on a chair.
“I don’t want anything to eat,” Bertha yelled, throwing herself into a chair.
“But you’re dying with thirst,” added Miss Ley, looking at her niece with sharp eyes. “Wouldn’t you like your tea out of a breakfast cup?”
“But you’re dying of thirst,” added Miss Ley, looking at her niece with piercing eyes. “Wouldn’t you like your tea in a breakfast cup?”
Miss Ley had come to the conclusion that the restlessness and the long absence could only be due to some masculine cause. Mentally she shrugged her shoulders, hardly wondering who the creature was.
Miss Ley had figured out that the restlessness and the long absence could only be caused by some guy. Mentally, she shrugged her shoulders, barely bothering to wonder who the person was.
“Of course,” she thought, “it’s certain to be some one quite ineligible. I hope they won’t have a long engagement.”
“Of course,” she thought, “it’s definitely going to be someone totally unsuitable. I really hope they don’t have a long engagement.”
Miss Ley could not have supported for several months the presence of a bashful and love-sick swain. She found lovers invariably ridiculous. She watched Bertha drink six cups of tea: of course those shining eyes, the flushed cheeks and the breathlessness, indicated some amorous excitement; it amused her, but she thought it charitable and wise to pretend that she noticed nothing.
Miss Ley couldn't have tolerated the presence of a shy and lovesick suitor for several months. She always found lovers to be ridiculous. She observed Bertha drink six cups of tea; naturally, those sparkling eyes, flushed cheeks, and breathlessness showed some romantic excitement. It amused her, but she considered it kind and sensible to pretend that she noticed nothing.
“After all it’s no business of mine,” she thought; “and if Bertha is going to get married at all, it would be much more convenient for her to do it before next quarter-day, when the Browns give up my flat.”
“After all, it’s none of my business,” she thought; “and if Bertha is going to get married at all, it would be much more convenient for her to do it before next quarter-day, when the Browns give up my flat.”
Miss Ley sat on the sofa by the fireside, a woman of middle-size, very slight, with a thin and much wrinkled face. Of her features the mouth was the most noticeable, not large, with lips that were a little too thin; it was always so tightly compressed as to give her an air of great determination, but there was about the corners an expressive mobility, contradicting in rather an unusual manner the inferences which might be drawn from the rest of her person. She had a habit of fixing her cold eyes on people with a steadiness that was not a little embarrassing. They said Miss Ley looked as if she thought them great fools, and as a matter of fact that usually was her precise opinion. Her thin gray hair was very plainly done; and the extreme simplicity of her costume gave a certain primness, so that her favourite method of saying rather absurd things in the gravest and most decorous manner often disconcerted the casual stranger. She was a woman who, one felt, had never been handsome, but now, in middle-age, was distinctly prepossessing.
Miss Ley sat on the sofa by the fire, a woman of average height, very slim, with a thin and wrinkled face. Of her features, her mouth stood out the most—not large, with lips that were a bit too thin; it always seemed tightly closed, giving her a look of strong determination, but the corners of her mouth had a lively expressiveness that somewhat contradicted the impressions that could be drawn from the rest of her appearance. She had a habit of staring at people with a cold gaze that was a bit uncomfortable. People said Miss Ley looked like she thought they were complete fools, and that was often exactly what she believed. Her thin gray hair was styled very simply, and the extreme plainness of her clothing added a certain formality, so her tendency to say rather silly things in the most serious and proper way often caught casual strangers off guard. She was a woman who seemed like she had never been beautiful, but now, in middle age, was definitely attractive.
Young men thought her somewhat terrifying till they discovered that they were to her a constant source of amusement; while elderly ladies asserted that she was a little queer.
Young men found her a bit intimidating until they realized that she saw them as a constant source of entertainment; meanwhile, older women claimed she was a little odd.
“You know, Aunt Polly,” said Bertha, finishing her tea and getting up, “I think you should have been christened Martha or Matilda. I don’t think Polly suits you.”
“You know, Aunt Polly,” Bertha said as she finished her tea and stood up, “I really think you should have been named Martha or Matilda. Polly just doesn’t fit you.”
“My dear, you need not remind me so pointedly that I’m forty-five and you need not smile in that fashion because you know that I’m really forty-seven. I say forty-five merely as a round number; in another year I shall call myself fifty. A woman never acknowledges such a nondescript age as forty-eight unless she is going to marry a widower with seventeen children.”
“My dear, you don’t have to remind me so bluntly that I’m forty-five, and you don’t need to smile like that because you know I’m actually forty-seven. I say forty-five just as a round number; in another year, I’ll say I’m fifty. A woman never admits to such an unremarkable age as forty-eight unless she’s going to marry a widower with seventeen kids.”
“I wonder why you never married, Aunt Polly?” said Bertha, looking away.
“I’m curious why you never got married, Aunt Polly?” said Bertha, glancing away.
Miss Ley smiled almost imperceptibly, finding Bertha’s remark highly significant. “My dear,” she said, “why should I? I had five hundred a year of my own.... Ah yes, I know it’s not what might have been expected; I’m sorry for your sake that I had no hopeless amour. The only excuse for an old maid is, that she has pined thirty years for a lover who is buried under the snow-drops, or has married another.”
Miss Ley smiled just a little, finding Bertha’s comment very important. “My dear,” she said, “why would I? I had five hundred a year of my own.... Oh yes, I realize it’s not what people might have expected; I feel bad for you that I didn’t have a hopeless love affair. The only reason for an old maid is that she has longed for thirty years for a lover who is buried beneath the snowdrops, or has married someone else.”
Bertha made no answer; she was feeling that the world had turned good, and wanted to hear nothing that could suggest imperfections in human nature: suddenly there had come over the universe a Sunday-school air which appealed to her better self. Going upstairs she sat at the window, gazing towards the farm where lived her heart’s desire. She wondered what Edward was doing! was he awaiting the night as anxiously as she? It gave her quite a pang that a sizeable hill should intervene between herself and him. During dinner she hardly spoke, and Miss Ley was mercifully silent. Bertha could not eat; she crumbled her bread and toyed with the various meats put before her. She looked at the clock a dozen times, and started absurdly when it struck the hour.
Bertha didn't reply; she felt like the world had become a better place and didn't want to hear anything that might point out flaws in human nature. Suddenly, there was a comforting, Sunday-school vibe that resonated with her better self. Going upstairs, she sat by the window, gazing toward the farm where her heart's desire lived. She wondered what Edward was doing—was he as anxiously waiting for the night as she was? It frustrated her that a large hill stood between them. During dinner, she barely spoke, and thankfully, Miss Ley was quiet. Bertha couldn't eat; she crumbled her bread and played with the various meats in front of her. She checked the clock a dozen times and jumped slightly when it chimed the hour.
She did not trouble to make any excuse to Miss Ley, whom she left to think as she chose. The night was dark and cold; Bertha slipped out of the side-door with a delightful feeling of doing something venturesome. But her legs would scarcely carry her, she had a sensation that was entirely novel; never before had she experienced that utter weakness of the knees so that she feared to fall; her breathing was strangely oppressive, and her heart beat almost painfully. She walked down the carriage-drive scarcely knowing what she did. She had forced herself to wait indoors till the desire to go out became uncontrollable, and she dared not imagine her dismay if there was no one to meet her when she reached the gate. It would mean he did not love her; she stopped with a sob. Ought she not to wait longer? It was still early. But her impatience forced her on.
She didn’t bother to make any excuses to Miss Ley, leaving her to think whatever she wanted. The night was dark and chilly; Bertha slipped out the side door, feeling excited about doing something daring. But her legs hardly supported her; she felt a completely new sensation—she had never before experienced such a weakness in her knees that it made her fear she might fall; her breathing felt strangely heavy, and her heart was racing almost painfully. She walked down the driveway, barely aware of what she was doing. She had made herself stay inside until the urge to go out became overwhelming, and she couldn’t even think about how upset she would be if no one was there to meet her when she got to the gate. That would mean he didn’t love her, and she stopped with a sob. Should she wait longer? It was still early. But her impatience pushed her forward.
She gave a little cry. Craddock had suddenly stepped out of the darkness.
She let out a small gasp. Craddock had suddenly appeared from the darkness.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, “I frightened you. I thought you wouldn’t mind my coming this evening. You’re not angry?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, “I scared you. I thought you wouldn’t mind me coming by this evening. You’re not mad?”
She could not answer; it was an immense load off her heart. She was extremely happy, for then he did love her; and he feared she was angry with him.
She couldn't respond; it was a huge relief for her. She was very happy because that meant he did love her; and he was worried that she was upset with him.
“I expected you,” she whispered. What was the good of pretending to be modest and bashful? She loved him and he loved her. Why should she not tell him all she felt?
“I expected you,” she whispered. What’s the point of pretending to be modest and shy? She loved him and he loved her. Why shouldn’t she share everything she felt?
“It’s so dark,” he said, “I can’t see you.”
“It’s really dark,” he said, “I can’t see you.”
But he took her hand and the contact thrilled her; her knees were giving way, and she almost tottered.
But he took her hand, and the touch excited her; her knees were buckling, and she nearly stumbled.
“What’s the matter?” he said. “Are you trembling?”
“What's wrong?” he asked. “Are you shaking?”
“I’m only a little cold.” She was trying with all her might to speak naturally. Nothing came into her head to say.
“I’m just a bit cold.” She was doing her best to sound casual. Nothing came to mind to say.
“You’ve got nothing on,” he said. “You must wear my coat.” He began to take it off.
“You’re not wearing anything,” he said. “You need to wear my coat.” He started to take it off.
“No,” she said, “then you’ll be cold.”
“No,” she said, “then you’ll be cold.”
“Oh no, I shan’t.”
“Oh no, I won’t.”
What he was doing seemed to her a marvel of unselfish kindness; she was beside herself with gratitude.
What he was doing struck her as a remarkable act of selfless kindness; she was overwhelmed with gratitude.
“It’s awfully good of you, Edward,” she whispered, almost tearfully.
“It’s really kind of you, Edward,” she whispered, nearly in tears.
When he put it round her shoulders, the touch of his hands made her lose the little self-control she had left. A curious spasm passed through her, and she pressed herself closer to him; at the same time his hands sank down, dropping the cloak, and encircled her waist. Then she surrendered herself entirely to his embrace and lifted her face to his. He bent down and kissed her. The kiss was such utter madness that she almost groaned. She could not tell if it was pain or pleasure. She flung her arms round his neck and drew him to her.
When he draped the cloak around her shoulders, the feel of his hands made her lose the little self-control she had left. A strange shiver ran through her, and she moved closer to him; at the same time, his hands slid down, letting the cloak fall, and wrapped around her waist. Then she completely gave in to his embrace and tilted her face up to his. He leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was so intense that she almost moaned. She couldn’t tell if it was pain or pleasure. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her.
“What a fool I am,” she said at last, with something between a sob and a laugh. She drew herself a little away, though not so violently as to make him withdraw the arm which so comfortably encircled her.
“What a fool I am,” she said at last, with a mix of a sob and a laugh. She pulled herself slightly away, but not so forcefully that he withdrew the arm that comfortably wrapped around her.
But why did he say nothing? Why did he not swear he loved her? Why did he not ask what she was so willing to grant? She rested her head on his shoulder.
But why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he swear that he loved her? Why didn’t he ask what she was so ready to give? She rested her head on his shoulder.
“Do you like me at all, Bertha?” he asked. “I’ve been wanting to ask you almost ever since you came home.”
“Do you even like me, Bertha?” he asked. “I’ve wanted to ask you that almost since you got home.”
“You know who I am, Bertha; and——“ he hesitated.
“You know who I am, Bertha; and——“ he paused.
“And what, foolish boy?” she nestled still more closely to him.
“And what, silly boy?” she snuggled even closer to him.
“And you’re Miss Ley of Court Leys, while I’m just one of your tenants, with nothing whatever to my back.”
“And you’re Miss Ley of Court Leys, while I’m just one of your tenants, with nothing at all to my name.”
“I’ve got very little,” she said. “And if I had ten thousand a year, my only wish would be to lay it at your feet.”
“I have very little,” she said. “And if I had ten thousand a year, my only wish would be to lay it at your feet.”
“Bertha, what d’you mean? Don’t be cruel to me. You know what I want, but——“
“Bertha, what do you mean? Don’t be mean to me. You know what I want, but——“
“As far as I can make out,” she said, laughing, “you want me to propose to you.”
“As far as I can tell,” she said, laughing, “you want me to propose to you.”
“Oh, Bertha, don’t laugh at me. I love you; I want to ask you to marry me. But I haven’t got anything to offer you, and I know I oughtn’t—don’t be angry with me, Bertha.”
“Oh, Bertha, please don’t laugh at me. I love you; I want to ask you to marry me. But I don’t have anything to offer you, and I know I shouldn’t—please don’t be mad at me, Bertha.”
“But I love you with all my heart,” she cried. “I want no better husband; you can give me happiness, and I want nothing else in the world.”
“But I love you with all my heart,” she cried. “I want no better husband; you can make me happy, and that's all I want in this world.”
Then he caught her again in his arms, quite passionately, and kissed her.
Then he pulled her into his arms again, full of passion, and kissed her.
“Didn’t you see that I loved you?” she whispered.
“Didn’t you see that I loved you?” she whispered.
“I thought perhaps you did; but I wasn’t sure, and I was afraid that you wouldn’t think me good enough.”
“I thought maybe you did; but I wasn’t sure, and I was worried that you wouldn’t think I was good enough.”
“Oh yes, I love you with all my heart. I never imagined it possible to love a person as I love you. Oh, Eddie, you don’t know how happy you have made me.”
“Oh yes, I love you with all my heart. I never thought it was possible to love someone the way I love you. Oh, Eddie, you have no idea how happy you've made me.”
He kissed her again, and again she flung her arms around his neck.
He kissed her again, and she wrapped her arms around his neck once more.
“Oughtn’t you to be going in,” he said at last; “what will Miss Ley think?”
“Oughtn't you to be going in?” he finally said. “What will Miss Ley think?”
“Oh no—not yet,” she cried.
“Oh no—not yet,” she exclaimed.
“How will you tell her? D’you think she’ll like me? She’ll try and make you give me up.”
“How are you going to tell her? Do you think she’ll like me? She’ll try to make you stop seeing me.”
“She can take you abroad again and then you may see some one you like better.”
“She can take you overseas again, and then you might meet someone you like more.”
“But I’m twenty-one to-morrow, Edward—didn’t you know? And I shall be my own mistress. I shan’t leave Blackstable till I’m your wife.”
“But I’m turning twenty-one tomorrow, Edward—didn’t you know? And I’ll be my own boss. I won’t leave Blackstable until I’m your wife.”
They were walking slowly towards the house, whither he, in his anxiety lest she should stay out too long, had guided her steps. They went arm in arm, and Bertha enjoyed her happiness.
They were walking slowly toward the house, where he, worried that she might stay out too long, had led her. They walked arm in arm, and Bertha savored her happiness.
“Dr. Ramsay is coming to luncheon to-morrow,” she said, “and I shall tell them both that I’m going to be married to you.”
“Dr. Ramsay is coming for lunch tomorrow,” she said, “and I’ll tell them both that I’m going to marry you.”
“He won’t like it,” said Craddock, rather nervously.
“He won’t like it,” said Craddock, a bit nervously.
“I’m sure I don’t care. If you like it and I like it, the rest can think as they choose.”
“I really don’t care. If you like it and I like it, others can think whatever they want.”
“I leave everything in your hands,” he said.
“I'll leave everything in your hands,” he said.
They had arrived at the portico, and Bertha looked at it doubtfully.
They had reached the entrance, and Bertha gazed at it with uncertainty.
“I suppose I ought to go in,” she said, wishing Edward to persuade her to take one more turn round the garden.
“I guess I should go inside,” she said, hoping Edward would convince her to take one more stroll around the garden.
“Yes, do,” he said. “I’m so afraid you’ll catch cold.”
“Yes, go ahead,” he said. “I’m really worried you’ll catch a cold.”
It was charming of him to be so solicitous about her health, and of course he was right. Everything he did and said was right; for the moment Bertha forgot her wayward nature, and wished suddenly to subject herself to his strong guidance. His very strength made her feel curiously weak.
It was sweet of him to care so much about her health, and of course he was spot on. Everything he did and said was on point; for a moment, Bertha forgot her rebellious nature and suddenly wanted to let him take control with his strong leadership. His strength made her feel oddly vulnerable.
“Good-night, my beloved,” she whispered, passionately.
“Good night, my love,” she whispered, passionately.
She could not tear herself away from him; it was utter madness. Their kisses never ended.
She couldn't pull herself away from him; it was complete madness. Their kisses seemed endless.
“Good-night!”
"Good night!"
Chapter III
WITH old and young great sorrow is followed by a sleepless night, and with the old great joy is as disturbing; but youth, I suppose, finds happiness more natural and its rest is not thereby disturbed. Bertha slept without dreams, and awaking, for the moment did not remember the occurrence of the previous day; but quickly it came back to her and she stretched herself with a sigh of great content. She lay in bed to contemplate her well-being. She could hardly realise that she had attained her dearest wish. God was very good, and gave His creatures what they asked; without words, from the fulness of her heart, she offered up thanks. It was quite extraordinary, after the maddening expectation, after the hopes and fears, the lover’s pains which are nearly pleasure, at last to be satisfied. She had now nothing more to desire, for her happiness was complete. Ah yes, indeed, God was very good!
WITH both old and young, deep sadness often leads to a sleepless night, and for the elderly, great joy can also be unsettling; but youth, I guess, finds happiness more instinctive, and their rest isn’t usually interrupted. Bertha slept dreamlessly, and when she woke up, she momentarily forgot what had happened the day before; but it quickly came back to her, and she stretched with a deep, satisfied sigh. She lay in bed reflecting on her well-being. She could hardly believe she had achieved her greatest wish. God was very generous, giving His creations what they truly desired; without speaking, from the depth of her heart, she expressed her gratitude. It was truly remarkable, after the maddening wait, the hopes and fears, the lover’s pains that are almost pleasurable, to finally feel fulfilled. She had nothing more to wish for, as her happiness was complete. Oh yes, indeed, God was very generous!
Bertha thought of the two months she had spent at Blackstable.... After the first excitement of getting into the house of her fathers she had settled down to the humdrum of country life; she spent the day wandering about the lanes or on the seashore watching the desolate sea; she read a great deal, and looked forward to the ample time at her disposal to satisfy an immoderate desire for knowledge. She spent long hours in the library which her father had made, for it was only with falling fortunes that the family of Ley had taken to reading books; it had only applied itself to literature when it was too poor for any other pursuit. Bertha looked at the titles of the many volumes, receiving a certain thrill as she read over the great names of the past, and imagined the future delights that they would give her.
Bertha reflected on the two months she had spent at Blackstable. After the initial excitement of moving into her family’s house, she adjusted to the routine of country life; she spent her days wandering the lanes or sitting by the lonely sea. She read a lot and looked forward to having plenty of time to feed her intense curiosity for knowledge. She spent hours in the library her father had created, as it was only when their fortunes started to decline that the Ley family turned to books; they had only engaged with literature when they could no longer pursue anything else. Bertha admired the titles of the many books, feeling a thrill as she scanned the names of the greats from the past, and imagined the joy they would bring her in the future.
One day she was calling at the Vicarage and Edward Craddock happened to be there, lately returned from a short holiday. She had known him in days gone by—his father had been her father’s tenant, and he still farmed the same land—but for eight years they had not seen one another, and now Bertha hardly recognised him. She thought him, however, a good-looking fellow in his knickerbockers and thick stockings, and was not displeased when he came up to speak, asking if she remembered him. He sat down and a certain pleasant odour of the farmyard was wafted over to Bertha, a mingled perfume of strong tobacco, of cattle and horses; she did not understand why it made her heart beat, but she inhaled it voluptuously and her eyes glittered. He began to talk, and his voice sounded like music in her ears; he looked at her and his eyes were large and gray, she found them highly sympathetic; he was clean shaven, and his mouth was very attractive. She blushed and felt herself a fool. Bertha took pains to be as charming as possible; she knew her own dark eyes were beautiful, and fixed them upon his. When at last he bade her good-bye and shook hands, she blushed again; she was extraordinarily troubled, and as, with his rising, the strong masculine odour of the countryside reached her nostrils, her head whirled. She was very glad Miss Ley was not there to see her.
One day, she visited the Vicarage, and Edward Craddock happened to be there, just back from a short vacation. She had known him back in the day—his father had been her father’s tenant, and he still farmed the same land—but they hadn’t seen each other in eight years, and now Bertha barely recognized him. She thought he looked good in his knickerbockers and thick stockings and wasn't unhappy when he approached her, asking if she remembered him. He sat down, and a certain nice farmyard scent wafted over to Bertha, a mix of strong tobacco and the smells of cattle and horses; she didn’t understand why it made her heart race, but she breathed it in deeply, her eyes shining. He started to talk, and his voice sounded like music to her; when he looked at her, his large gray eyes felt very kind. He was clean-shaven, and his mouth was attractive. She blushed and felt foolish. Bertha tried hard to be charming; she knew her dark eyes were beautiful and fixed them on his. When he finally said goodbye and shook her hand, she blushed again; she was extremely flustered, and as he got up, the strong, masculine scent of the countryside hit her nose, making her head spin. She was really glad Miss Ley wasn’t there to see her.
She walked home in the darkness trying to compose herself, for she could think of nothing but Edward Craddock. She recalled the past, trying to bring back to her memory incidents of their old acquaintance. At night she dreamt of him, and she dreamt he kissed her.
She walked home in the dark, trying to pull herself together, because she could think of nothing but Edward Craddock. She remembered the past, trying to recall moments from their old friendship. At night, she dreamed about him, and she dreamed he kissed her.
She awoke in the morning, thinking of Craddock, and felt it impossible to go through the day without seeing him. She thought of sending an invitation to luncheon or to tea, but hardly dared; and she did not want Miss Ley to see him yet. Then she remembered the farm; she would walk there, was it not hers? He would surely be working upon it. The god of love was propitious, and in a field she saw him, directing some operation. She trembled at the sight, her heart beat very quickly; and when, seeing her, he came forward with a greeting, she turned red and then white in the most compromising fashion. But he was very handsome as, with easy gait, he sauntered to the hedge; above all he was manly, and the pleasing thought passed through Bertha that his strength must be quite herculean. She barely concealed her admiration.
She woke up in the morning, thinking about Craddock, and found it impossible to get through the day without seeing him. She considered inviting him to lunch or tea, but hesitated; she didn’t want Miss Ley to see him yet. Then she remembered the farm; she could walk there since it was hers, right? He would definitely be working on it. The god of love was on her side, and in a field, she saw him directing some task. She felt a flutter at the sight—her heart raced; and when he spotted her and came over to greet her, she flushed red and then pale in a very revealing way. But he looked very handsome as he strolled casually to the hedge; above all, he seemed so manly, and an enticing thought crossed Bertha’s mind that his strength must be quite extraordinary. She barely hid her admiration.
“Oh, I didn’t know this was your farm,” she said, shaking hands. “I was just walking at random.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize this was your farm,” she said, shaking hands. “I was just walking aimlessly.”
“I should like to show you round, Miss Bertha.”
"I'd like to show you around, Miss Bertha."
Craddock opened the gate and took her to the sheds where he kept his carts, pointing out a couple of sturdy horses ploughing an adjacent field; he showed her his cattle, and poked the pigs to let her admire their excellent condition; he gave her sugar for his hunter, and took her to the sheep—explaining everything while she listened spell-bound. When, with great pride, Craddock showed her his machines and explained the use of the horse-tosser and the expense of the reaper, she thought that never in her life had she heard anything so enthralling. But above all Bertha wished to see the house in which he lived.
Craddock opened the gate and took her to the sheds where he kept his carts, pointing out a couple of strong horses working in a nearby field; he showed her his cattle and poked the pigs to let her admire their great condition; he gave her sugar for his horse and took her to see the sheep—explaining everything while she listened in awe. When, with great pride, Craddock showed her his machines and explained the use of the horse-tosser and the cost of the reaper, she thought that she had never heard anything so fascinating. But above all, Bertha wanted to see the house where he lived.
“D’you mind giving me a glass of water?” she said, “I’m so thirsty.”
“Can you get me a glass of water?” she said, “I’m really thirsty.”
“Do come in,” he answered, opening the door.
“Sure, come in,” he said, as he opened the door.
He led her to a little parlour with an oil-cloth on the floor. On the table, which took up most of the room, was a stamped, red cloth; the chairs and the sofa, covered with worn old leather, were arranged with the greatest possible stiffness. On the chimney-piece, along with pipes and tobacco-jars, were bright china vases with rushes in them, and in the middle a marble clock.
He took her to a small parlor with an oilcloth floor. On the table, which dominated the space, was a red stamped cloth; the chairs and sofa, covered in old worn leather, were arranged as stiffly as possible. On the mantel, alongside pipes and tobacco jars, were bright china vases filled with rushes and a marble clock in the center.
“Oh how pretty!” cried Bertha, with enthusiasm. “You must feel very lonely here by yourself.”
“Oh, how beautiful!” exclaimed Bertha, excitedly. “You must feel really lonely here all by yourself.”
“Oh no—I’m always out. Shall I get you some milk? It’ll be better for you than water.”
“Oh no—I’m always out. Should I grab you some milk? It’ll be better for you than water.”
“Have I been keeping you from your lunch?” she asked. “I’m so sorry.”
“Have I been interrupting your lunch?” she asked. “I’m really sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter at all. I just have a little snack at eleven.”
“It doesn’t matter at all. I just have a quick snack at eleven.”
“Oh, may I have some too? I love bread and cheese, and I’m perfectly ravenous.”
“Oh, can I have some too? I love bread and cheese, and I’m really hungry.”
They sat opposite one another, seeing a great joke in the impromptu meal. The bread, which he cut in a great chunk, was delicious, and the beer, of course, was nectar. But afterwards, Bertha feared that Craddock must be thinking her somewhat odd.
They sat across from each other, finding the spontaneous meal really funny. The bread, which he cut into a big piece, was delicious, and the beer was, of course, amazing. But afterward, Bertha worried that Craddock might think she was a bit strange.
“D’you think it’s very eccentric of me to come and lunch with you in this way?”
“Do you think it’s very unusual for me to come and have lunch with you like this?”
“I think it’s awfully good of you. Mr. Ley often used to come and have a snack with my father.”
“I think it’s really nice of you. Mr. Ley used to come and have a snack with my dad a lot.”
“Oh, did he?” said Bertha. Of course that made her proceeding quite natural. “But I really must go now. I shall get into awful trouble with Aunt Polly.”
“Oh, did he?” said Bertha. That definitely made her actions seem reasonable. “But I really have to go now. I’ll get into big trouble with Aunt Polly.”
He begged her to take some flowers, and hastily cut a bunch of dahlias. She accepted them with the most embarrassing gratitude; and when they shook hands at parting, her heart went pit-a-pat again ridiculously.
He urged her to take some flowers and quickly cut a bunch of dahlias. She took them with overly grateful embarrassment, and when they shook hands to say goodbye, her heart raced again in a silly way.
Miss Ley inquired from whom she got her flowers.
Miss Ley asked who gave her the flowers.
“Oh,” said Bertha coolly, “I happened to meet one of the tenants and he gave them to me.”
“Oh,” said Bertha casually, “I ran into one of the tenants and he gave them to me.”
“Hm,” murmured Miss Ley, “it would be more to the purpose if they paid their rent.”
“Hmm,” murmured Miss Ley, “it would be more helpful if they paid their rent.”
Miss Ley presently left the room, and Bertha looked at the prim dahlias with a heart full of emotion. She gave a laugh.
Miss Ley just left the room, and Bertha gazed at the neat dahlias with a heart full of feelings. She laughed.
“It’s no good trying to hide it from myself,” she murmured, “I’m head over ears in love.”
“It’s no use trying to hide it from myself,” she said softly, “I’m completely in love.”
She kissed the flowers and felt very glad.... She evidently was in that condition, since by the night Bertha had made up her mind to marry Edward Craddock or die. She lost no time, for less than a month had passed and their wedding-day was certainly in sight.
She kissed the flowers and felt really happy.... Clearly, she was in that state of mind, as by that night, Bertha had decided to marry Edward Craddock or die trying. She didn't waste any time, because less than a month had gone by and their wedding day was definitely approaching.
Miss Ley loathed all manifestations of feeling. Christmas, when everybody is supposed to take his neighbour to his bosom and harbour towards him a number of sentimental emotions, caused her such discomfort that she habitually buried herself for the time in some continental city where she knew no one, and could escape the over-brimming of other people’s hearts. Even in summer Miss Ley could not see a holly-tree without a little shiver of disgust; her mind went immediately to the decorations of middle-class houses, the mistletoe hanging from a gas-chandelier, and the foolish old gentlemen who found amusement in kissing stray females. She was glad that Bertha had thought fit to refuse the display of enthusiasm from servants and impoverished tenants, which, on the attainment of her majority, her guardian had wished to arrange. Miss Ley could imagine that the festivities possible on such an occasion, the handshaking, the making of good cheer, and the obtrusive joviality of the country Englishman, might surpass even the tawdry rejoicings of Yule-tide. But Bertha fortunately detested such things as sincerely as did Miss Ley herself, and suggested to the persons concerned that they could not oblige her more than by taking no notice of an event which really did not to her seem very significant.
Miss Ley hated all expressions of emotion. Christmas, when everyone is supposed to embrace their neighbors and feel all kinds of sentimental feelings, made her so uncomfortable that she usually immersed herself in some foreign city where she didn’t know anyone and could avoid the overflow of other people’s hearts. Even in summer, Miss Ley felt a bit of disgust at the sight of a holly tree; it immediately reminded her of the decorations in middle-class homes, mistletoe hanging from a gas chandelier, and silly old men who found joy in kissing random women. She was glad that Bertha had chosen to decline the show of enthusiasm from servants and poor tenants, which her guardian had wanted to arrange when she came of age. Miss Ley imagined that the celebrations that could happen on such an occasion—handshakes, good cheer, and the boisterous joviality of country Englishmen—might even be worse than the tacky festivities of Christmas. But fortunately, Bertha genuinely hated those things as much as Miss Ley did and told the people involved that they couldn't honor her more than by ignoring an event that didn’t seem very important to her at all.
But Dr. Ramsay’s heartiness could not be entirely restrained; and he had also a fine old English sense of the fitness of things, that passion to act in a certain manner merely because in times past people have always so acted. He insisted on solemnly meeting Bertha to offer congratulations, a blessing, and some statement of his stewardship.
But Dr. Ramsay’s warmth couldn’t be completely held back; he also had a strong sense of what was appropriate, that urge to do things a certain way simply because that’s how it’s always been done in the past. He insisted on formally meeting Bertha to extend his congratulations, offer a blessing, and share his thoughts on his duties.
Bertha came downstairs when Miss Ley was already eating breakfast—a very feminine meal, consisting of nothing more substantial than a square inch of bacon and a morsel of dry toast. Miss Ley was really somewhat nervous, she was bothered by the necessity of referring to Bertha’s natal day.
Bertha came downstairs when Miss Ley was already having breakfast—a very delicate meal, made up of nothing more substantial than a small piece of bacon and a bit of dry toast. Miss Ley was actually a bit anxious; she was troubled by having to mention Bertha’s birthday.
“That is one advantage of women,” she told herself, “after twenty-five they gloss over their birthdays like improprieties. A man is so impressed with his cleverness in having entered the world at all that the anniversary always interests him; and the foolish creature thinks it interests other people as well.”
“That is one advantage of women,” she told herself, “after twenty-five they skip over their birthdays like they’re something embarrassing. A man is so proud of the fact that he’s even made it into the world that the anniversary always matters to him; and the silly guy thinks it matters to everyone else too.”
But Bertha came into the room and kissed her.
But Bertha walked into the room and kissed her.
“Good morning, dear,” said Miss Ley, and then, pouring out her niece’s coffee, “our estimable cook has burnt the milk in honour of your majority; I trust she will not celebrate the occasion by getting drunk—at all events, till after dinner.”
“Good morning, dear,” said Miss Ley, and then, pouring her niece’s coffee, “our wonderful cook has burnt the milk to celebrate your birthday; I hope she won't decide to drink too much today—at least, not until after dinner.”
“I hope Dr. Ramsay won’t enthuse too vigorously,” replied Bertha, understanding Miss Ley’s feeling.
“I hope Dr. Ramsay doesn’t get too carried away,” replied Bertha, understanding Miss Ley’s feelings.
“Oh, my dear, I tremble at the prospect of his jollity. He’s a good man. I should think his principles were excellent, and I don’t suppose he’s more ignorant than most general practitioners; but his friendliness is sometimes painfully aggressive.”
“Oh, my dear, I’m nervous about how cheerful he is. He’s a good man. I believe his principles are solid, and I doubt he’s any more clueless than most general doctors; but his friendliness can be awkwardly overwhelming at times.”
But Bertha’s calm was merely external, her brain was in a whirl, and her heart beat with excitement. She was full of impatience to declare her news. Bertha had some sense of dramatic effect and looked forward a little to the scene when, the keys of her kingdom being handed to her, she made the announcement that she had already chosen a king to rule by her side. She felt also that between herself and Miss Ley alone the necessary explanations would be awkward. Dr. Ramsay’s outspoken bluffness made him easier to deal with; there is always a difficulty in conducting oneself with a person who ostentatiously believes that every one should mind his own business and who, whatever her thoughts, takes more pleasure in the concealment than in the expression thereof. Bertha sent a note to Craddock, telling him to come at three o’clock to be introduced as the future lord and master of Court Leys.
But Bertha’s calm was just for show; her mind was racing and her heart was pounding with excitement. She couldn't wait to share her news. Bertha had a flair for the dramatic and looked forward to the moment when, after receiving the keys to her kingdom, she would announce that she had already chosen a king to rule alongside her. She also felt that it would be awkward to explain everything just between her and Miss Ley. Dr. Ramsay’s straightforwardness made him easier to handle; there’s always a challenge in dealing with someone who believes that everyone should mind their own business and, no matter what she thinks, enjoys keeping things to herself rather than sharing. Bertha sent a note to Craddock, asking him to come at three o’clock to be introduced as the future lord and master of Court Leys.
Dr. Ramsay arrived and burst at once into a prodigious stream of congratulation, partly jocose, partly grave and sentimental, but entirely distasteful to the fastidiousness of Miss Ley. Bertha’s guardian was a big, broad-shouldered man, with a mane of fair hair, now turning white; Miss Ley vowed he was the last person upon this earth to wear mutton-chop whiskers. He was very red cheeked, and by his size, joviality, and florid complexion, gave an idea of unalterable health. With his shaven chin and his loud-voiced burliness he looked like a yeoman of the old school, before bad times and the spread of education had made the farmer a sort of cross between the city clerk and the Newmarket trainer. Dr. Ramsay’s frock coat and top hat, notwithstanding the habit of many years, sat uneasily upon him with the air of Sunday clothes upon an agricultural labourer. Miss Ley, who liked to find absurd descriptions of people, or to hit upon an apt comparison, had never been able exactly to suit him; and that somewhat irritated her. In her eyes the only link that connected the doctor with humanity was a certain love of antiquities, which had filled his house with old snuff-boxes, china, and other precious things: humanity, Miss Ley took to be a small circle of persons, mostly feminine, middle-aged, unattached, and of independent means, who travelled on the continent, read good literature and abhorred the vast majority of their fellow-creatures, especially when these shrieked philanthropically, thrust their religion in your face, or cultivated their muscle with aggressive ardour!
Dr. Ramsay arrived and immediately launched into a huge stream of congratulations, mixing humor with seriousness and sentimentality, but it was completely off-putting to the picky Miss Ley. Bertha’s guardian was a big, broad-shouldered man with a mane of fair hair, now turning white; Miss Ley declared he was the last person on Earth to sport mutton-chop whiskers. He had rosy cheeks and, with his size, cheerful manner, and flushed complexion, gave off an impression of undeniable health. With his clean-shaven chin and loud presence, he looked like a traditional farmer from the old days, before tough times and the spread of education transformed farmers into something like a blend of city clerks and Newmarket trainers. Dr. Ramsay’s frock coat and top hat, despite being worn for many years, seemed awkward on him, like Sunday clothes on a laborer. Miss Ley, who enjoyed coming up with silly descriptions of people or finding a fitting comparison, had never quite managed to pin him down; this somewhat annoyed her. To her, the only connection between the doctor and humanity was his certain love of antiques, which had cluttered his house with old snuff-boxes, china, and other valuable items: humanity, according to Miss Ley, was a small circle of mostly middle-aged, unmarried women of independent means, who traveled in Europe, read quality literature, and detested the vast majority of their fellow beings, especially when those people shouted about philanthropy, forced their religion upon others, or aggressively honed their physical strength!
Dr. Ramsay ate his luncheon with an appetite that Miss Ley thought must be a great source of satisfaction to his butcher. She asked politely after his wife, to whom she secretly objected for her meek submission to the doctor. Miss Ley made a practice of avoiding those women who had turned themselves into mere shadows of their lords, more especially when their conversation was of household affairs; and Mrs. Ramsay, except on Sundays, when her mind was turned to the clothes of the congregation, thought of nothing beyond her husband’s enormous appetite and the methods of subduing it.
Dr. Ramsay had lunch with an appetite that Miss Ley thought must be a great source of pride for his butcher. She asked politely about his wife, whom she secretly disapproved of for her submissive attitude toward the doctor. Miss Ley usually steered clear of women who had reduced themselves to mere shadows of their husbands, especially when their conversations revolved around household matters; and Mrs. Ramsay, except on Sundays when she focused on the congregation's outfits, thought of nothing beyond her husband’s huge appetite and how to manage it.
“And now, Bertha, what are you thinking of doing?” he asked.
“And now, Bertha, what are you planning to do?” he asked.
This was the opportunity for which Bertha had been looking.
This was the opportunity Bertha had been waiting for.
“I?” she said quietly—“Oh, I intend to get married.”
“I?” she said softly, “Oh, I plan to get married.”
Dr. Ramsay, opening his mouth, threw back his head and laughed immoderately.
Dr. Ramsay opened his mouth, tilted his head back, and laughed heartily.
“Very good indeed,” he cried. “Ha, ha!”
“Very good indeed,” he exclaimed. “Haha!”
Miss Ley looked at him with uplifted eyebrows.
Miss Ley looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“Girls are coming on nowadays,” he said, with much amusement. “Why, in my time, a young woman would have been all blushes and downcast glances. If any one had talked of marriage she would have prayed Heaven to send an earthquake to swallow her up.”
“Girls are really stepping up these days,” he said, amused. “Back in my day, a young woman would be all blushes and shy looks. If anyone mentioned marriage, she would have wished for an earthquake to come and swallow her whole.”
“Fiddlesticks!” said Miss Ley.
“Fiddlesticks!” said Ms. Ley.
Bertha was looking at Dr. Ramsay with a smile that she with difficulty repressed, and Miss Ley caught the expression.
Bertha was looking at Dr. Ramsay with a smile that she was trying hard to hold back, and Miss Ley noticed the expression.
“So you intend to be married, Bertha?” said the doctor, again laughing.
“So you plan to get married, Bertha?” the doctor said, laughing again.
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“When?” asked Miss Ley, who did not take Bertha’s remark as merely playful.
“When?” asked Miss Ley, who didn’t see Bertha’s comment as just a joke.
Bertha was looking out the window, wondering when Edward would arrive.
Bertha was staring out the window, wondering when Edward would get there.
“When?” she repeated, turning round. “This day four weeks!”
“When?” she repeated, turning around. “Four weeks from today!”
“What!” cried Dr. Ramsay, jumping up. “You don’t mean to say you’ve found some one! Are you engaged? Oh, I see, I see. You’ve been having a little joke with me. Why didn’t you tell me that Bertha was engaged all the time, Miss Ley?”
“What!” exclaimed Dr. Ramsay, jumping up. “You can’t be serious, you’ve found someone! Are you engaged? Oh, I get it, I get it. You’ve been playing a little trick on me. Why didn’t you tell me that Bertha was engaged the whole time, Miss Ley?”
“My good doctor,” answered Miss Ley, with great composure, “until this moment I knew nothing whatever about it.... I suppose we ought to offer our congratulations; it’s a blessing to get them all over on one day.”
“My good doctor,” replied Miss Ley, staying calm, “until now I didn’t know anything about it.... I guess we should congratulate ourselves; it’s great to have them all at once.”
Dr. Ramsay looked from one to the other with perplexity.
Dr. Ramsay looked back and forth between them, confused.
“Neither do I,” replied Miss Ley, “but I keep calm.”
“Me neither,” replied Miss Ley, “but I stay calm.”
“It’s very simple,” said Bertha. “I got engaged last night, and as I say, I mean to be married exactly four weeks from to-day—to Mr. Craddock.”
“It’s really simple,” Bertha said. “I got engaged last night, and like I said, I plan to get married exactly four weeks from today—to Mr. Craddock.”
“What!” cried Dr. Ramsay, jumping up in astonishment and causing the floor to quake in the most dangerous way. “Craddock! What d’you mean? Which Craddock?”
“What!” shouted Dr. Ramsay, jumping up in shock and making the floor tremble dangerously. “Craddock! What do you mean? Which Craddock?”
“Edward Craddock,” replied Bertha coolly, “of Bewlie’s Farm.”
“Edward Craddock,” Bertha replied calmly, “from Bewlie’s Farm.”
“Brrh!!” Dr. Ramsay’s exclamation cannot be transcribed, but it sounded horrid! “The scoundrel! It’s absurd. You’ll do nothing of the sort.”
“Brrh!!” Dr. Ramsay’s exclamation can’t be put into words, but it sounded terrible! “That jerk! It’s ridiculous. You’re not going to do that.”
Bertha looked at him with a gentle smile, but did not trouble to answer.
Bertha looked at him with a soft smile but didn't bother to reply.
“You’re very emphatic, dear doctor,” said Miss Ley. “Who is this gentleman?”
“You're very expressive, dear doctor,” said Miss Ley. “Who is this man?”
“He isn’t a gentleman,” said Dr. Ramsay, purple with vexation.
“He's not a gentleman,” said Dr. Ramsay, flushed with anger.
“He’s going to be my husband, Dr. Ramsay,” said Bertha, compressing her lips in the manner which with Miss Ley had become habitual; and turned to that lady: “I’ve known him all my life, and father was a great friend of his father’s. He’s a gentleman-farmer.”
“He’s going to be my husband, Dr. Ramsay,” Bertha said, pressing her lips together in the way that had become a habit for her around Miss Ley. She turned to that lady: “I’ve known him my whole life, and my dad was a good friend of his dad. He’s a gentleman farmer.”
“The definition of which,” said Dr. Ramsay, “is a man who’s neither a farmer nor a gentleman.”
“The definition of that,” said Dr. Ramsay, “is a man who’s neither a farmer nor a gentleman.”
“I forget what your father was?” said Bertha, who remembered perfectly well.
“I can't remember what your dad was?” said Bertha, who recalled it perfectly well.
“My father was a farmer,” replied Dr. Ramsay, with some heat, “and, thank God! he made no pretence of being a gentleman. He worked with his own hands; I’ve seen him often enough with a pitchfork, turning over a heap of manure, when no one else was handy.”
“My father was a farmer,” Dr. Ramsay replied, a bit heatedly, “and, thank God! he never pretended to be a gentleman. He worked with his own hands; I’ve seen him often enough with a pitchfork, turning over a pile of manure when no one else was around.”
“I see,” said Bertha.
"I get it," Bertha said.
“But my father can have nothing to do with it; you can’t marry him because he’s been dead these thirty years, and you can’t marry me because I’ve got a wife already.”
“But my father can’t be part of this; you can’t marry him because he’s been dead for thirty years, and you can’t marry me because I’m already married.”
Miss Ley, amused at the doctor’s bluntness, concealed a smile; but Bertha, getting rather angry, thought him singularly rude.
Miss Ley, finding the doctor’s bluntness funny, hid a smile; but Bertha, getting pretty angry, thought he was really rude.
“And what have you against him?” she asked.
“And what do you have against him?” she asked.
“If you want to make a fool of yourself, he’s got no right to encourage you. He knows he isn’t a fit match for you.”
“If you want to make a fool of yourself, he shouldn't encourage you. He knows he's not a good match for you.”
“Why not, if I love him?”
“Why not, if I love him?”
“Why not!” shouted Dr. Ramsay. “Because he’s the son of a farmer—like I am—and you’re Miss Ley of Court Leys. Because a man in that position without fifty pounds to his back doesn’t make love on the sly to a girl with a fortune.”
“Why not!” shouted Dr. Ramsay. “Because he’s the son of a farmer—just like me—and you’re Miss Ley of Court Leys. A guy in that situation without fifty pounds to his name doesn’t secretly date a girl with a fortune.”
“Five thousand acres which pay no rent,” murmured Miss Ley, who was always in opposition.
“Five thousand acres that bring in no rent,” murmured Miss Ley, who was always in dissent.
“You have nothing whatever against him,” retorted Bertha; “you told me yourself that he had the very best reputation.”
“You don’t have anything against him,” Bertha shot back; “you told me yourself that he had an excellent reputation.”
“I didn’t know you were asking me with a view to matrimony.”
“I didn’t realize you were asking me with marriage in mind.”
“I wasn’t. I care nothing for his reputation. If he were drunken and idle and dissolute I’d marry him, because I love him.”
“I wasn’t. I don’t care at all about his reputation. If he were drunk, lazy, and reckless, I’d still marry him because I love him.”
“My dear Bertha,” said Miss Ley, “the doctor will have an apoplectic fit if you say such things.”
“My dear Bertha,” Miss Ley said, “the doctor is going to have a fit if you keep saying things like that.”
“You told me he was one of the best fellows you knew, Dr. Ramsay,” said Bertha.
“You told me he was one of the best guys you knew, Dr. Ramsay,” said Bertha.
“I don’t deny it,” cried the doctor, and his red cheeks really had in them a purple tinge that was quite alarming. “He knows his business and he works hard, and he’s straight and steady.”
“I don't deny it,” the doctor exclaimed, his red cheeks showing a concerning purple hue. “He knows his stuff, works hard, and he's honest and reliable.”
“Good heavens, Doctor,” cried Miss Ley, “he must be a miracle of rural excellence. Bertha would surely never have fallen in love with him if he were faultless.”
“Good heavens, Doctor,” exclaimed Miss Ley, “he must be a remarkable example of rural excellence. Bertha would surely never have fallen for him if he were perfect.”
“If Bertha wanted an agent,” Dr. Ramsay proceeded, “I could recommend no one better, but as for marrying him——“
“If Bertha wanted an agent,” Dr. Ramsay continued, “I couldn’t recommend anyone better, but as for marrying him——“
“Does he pay his rent?” asked Miss Ley.
“Is he paying his rent?” asked Miss Ley.
“Of course in these bad times,” added Miss Ley, who was determined not to allow Dr. Ramsay to play the heavy father with too much seriousness, “I suppose about the only resource of the respectable farmer is to marry his landlady.”
“Of course in these tough times,” added Miss Ley, who was set on not letting Dr. Ramsay take on the role of the stern father too seriously, “I guess the only option for a decent farmer is to marry his landlady.”
“Here he is!” interrupted Bertha.
“Here he is!” Bertha interrupted.
“Good God, is he coming here?” cried her guardian.
“Good God, is he coming here?” her guardian exclaimed.
“I sent for him. Remember he is going to be my husband.”
“I called for him. Remember, he’s going to be my husband.”
Chapter IV
BERTHA threw off her troubled looks and the vexation which the argument had caused her. She blushed charmingly as the door opened, and with the entrance of the fairy prince her face was wreathed in smiles. She went towards him and took his hands.
BERTHA shook off her worried expression and the annoyance caused by the argument. She blushed delightfully when the door opened, and as the fairy prince entered, her face lit up with smiles. She walked over to him and took his hands.
“Aunt Polly,” she said, “this is Mr. Edward Craddock.... Dr. Ramsay you know.”
“Aunt Polly,” she said, “this is Mr. Edward Craddock.... You know Dr. Ramsay.”
He shook hands with Miss Ley and looked at the doctor, who promptly turned his back on him. Craddock flushed, and sat down by Miss Ley.
He shook hands with Miss Ley and looked at the doctor, who immediately turned his back on him. Craddock felt embarrassed and sat down beside Miss Ley.
“We were talking about you, dearest,” said Bertha. The pause at his arrival had been disconcerting, and while Craddock was rather nervously thinking of something to say, Miss Ley made no effort to help him. “I have told Aunt Polly and Dr. Ramsay that we intend to be married four weeks from to-day.”
“We were just talking about you, dear,” said Bertha. The awkward silence at his arrival was unsettling, and while Craddock was anxiously trying to come up with something to say, Miss Ley didn’t bother to assist him. “I’ve informed Aunt Polly and Dr. Ramsay that we plan to get married four weeks from today.”
This was the first that Craddock had heard of the date, but he showed no particular astonishment. He was, in fact, trying to recall the speech which he had composed for the occasion.
This was the first time Craddock had heard about the date, but he didn’t seem particularly surprised. He was, in fact, trying to remember the speech he had prepared for the occasion.
“I will try to be a good husband to your niece, Miss Ley,” he began.
“I’ll do my best to be a good husband to your niece, Miss Ley,” he started.
But that lady interrupted him: she had already come to the conclusion that he was a man likely to say on a given occasion the sort of thing which might be expected; and that, in her eyes, was a hideous crime.
But that woman interrupted him: she had already decided that he was the kind of guy who would say exactly what one might expect in a situation like that; and to her, that was a terrible offense.
“Oh yes, I have no doubt,” she replied. “Bertha, as you know, is her own mistress, and responsible for her acts to no one.”
“Oh yes, I’m certain,” she replied. “Bertha, as you know, is in control of her own life and doesn’t answer to anyone for her actions.”
“Which is really very convenient,” said Bertha, coming to his rescue, “because I have a mind to manage my life in my own way, without interference from anybody.”
“Which is really super convenient,” said Bertha, coming to his rescue, “because I want to live my life on my own terms, without anyone interfering.”
Miss Ley wondered whether the young man looked upon Bertha’s statement as auguring complete tranquillity in the future, but Craddock seemed to see in it nothing ominous; he looked at Bertha with a grateful smile, and the glance which she returned was full of the most passionate devotion.
Miss Ley wondered if the young man viewed Bertha’s statement as a sign of complete peace in the future, but Craddock seemed to see nothing threatening in it; he looked at Bertha with a grateful smile, and the look she gave back was filled with intense devotion.
Since his arrival Miss Ley had been observing Craddock with great minuteness, and, being a woman, could not help finding some pleasure in the knowledge that Bertha was trying with anxiety to discover her judgment. Craddock’s appearance was prepossessing. Miss Ley liked young men generally, and this was a very good-looking member of the species. His eyes were good, but otherwise there was nothing remarkable in the physiognomy—he looked healthy and good-tempered. Miss Ley noticed even that he did not bite his nails, and that his hands were strong and firm. There was really nothing to distinguish him from the common run of healthy young Englishmen, with good morals and fine physique; but the class is pleasant. Miss Ley’s only wonder was that Bertha had chosen him rather than ten thousand others of the same variety, for that Bertha had chosen him somewhat actively there was in Miss Ley’s mind not the shadow of a doubt.
Since his arrival, Miss Ley had been closely observing Craddock, and as a woman, she couldn’t help but feel some satisfaction knowing that Bertha was anxiously trying to assess her opinion. Craddock had an attractive appearance. Miss Ley generally liked young men, and he was a very good-looking one. His eyes were nice, but apart from that, there was nothing particularly striking about his face—he looked healthy and friendly. Miss Ley even noticed that he didn’t bite his nails and that his hands were strong and steady. There was really nothing that set him apart from the average healthy young Englishman, with good values and a nice physique; but that group is pleasant. Miss Ley’s only curiosity was why Bertha had chosen him instead of one of the thousands of others like him, as Miss Ley was certain that Bertha had chosen him with some intention.
Miss Ley turned to him.
Miss Ley turned to him.
“Has Bertha shown you our chickens?” she asked, calmly.
“Has Bertha shown you our chickens?” she asked, calmly.
“No,” he said, surprised at the question; “I hope she will.”
“No,” he said, surprised by the question; “I hope she will.”
“Oh, no doubt. You know I am quite ignorant of agriculture. Have you ever been abroad?”
“Oh, absolutely. You know I really don't know much about farming. Have you ever traveled overseas?”
“No, I stick to my own country,” he replied; “it’s good enough for me.”
“No, I’m staying in my own country,” he replied; “it’s good enough for me.”
“I can’t get mine to lay at all at this time of year,” said Craddock.
“I can’t get mine to lay at all this time of year,” said Craddock.
“Of course I’m not an agriculturist,” repeated Miss Ley, “but chickens amuse me.”
“Of course I’m not a farmer,” Miss Ley repeated, “but chickens entertain me.”
Dr. Ramsay began to smile, and Bertha flushed angrily.
Dr. Ramsay started to smile, and Bertha turned red with anger.
“You have never shown any interest in the chickens before, Aunt Polly.”
“You’ve never shown any interest in the chickens before, Aunt Polly.”
“Haven’t I, my dear? Don’t you remember last night I remarked how tough was that one we had for dinner?... How long have you known Bertha, Mr. Craddock?”
“Haven’t I, my dear? Don’t you remember last night I said how tough that one we had for dinner was?... How long have you known Bertha, Mr. Craddock?”
“It seems all my life,” he replied. “And I want to know her more.”
“It feels like I've been waiting forever,” he replied. “And I want to get to know her better.”
This time Bertha smiled, and Miss Ley, though she felt certain the repartee was unintentional, was not displeased with it.
This time, Bertha smiled, and Miss Ley, although she was sure the comeback was unintentional, didn’t mind it.
All this time Dr. Ramsay was not saying a word, and his behaviour aroused Bertha’s anger.
All this time, Dr. Ramsay hadn’t said a word, and his behavior was making Bertha angry.
“I have never seen you sit for five minutes in silence before, Dr. Ramsay,” she said.
“I’ve never seen you sit in silence for five minutes before, Dr. Ramsay,” she said.
“I think what I have to say would scarcely please you, Miss Bertha.”
“I don’t think what I have to say would make you happy, Miss Bertha.”
Miss Ley was anxious that no altercation should disturb the polite discomfort of the meeting.
Miss Ley was worried that no argument would disrupt the awkward politeness of the meeting.
“You’re thinking about those rents again, doctor,” she said, and turning to Craddock: “The poor doctor is unhappy because half of our tenants say they cannot pay.”
“You're worrying about those rents again, doctor,” she said, and turning to Craddock: “The poor doctor is upset because half of our tenants say they can't pay.”
The poor doctor grunted and sniffed, and Miss Ley thought it was high time for the young man to take his leave. She looked at Bertha, who quickly understood, and getting up, said—
The poor doctor grunted and sniffed, and Miss Ley felt it was the right moment for the young man to say goodbye. She glanced at Bertha, who quickly got the hint, stood up, and said—
“Let us leave them alone, Eddie; I want to show you the house.”
“Let’s leave them alone, Eddie; I want to show you the house.”
He rose with alacrity, evidently much relieved at the end of the ordeal. He shook Miss Ley’s hand, and this time could not be restrained from making a little speech.
He got up quickly, clearly feeling a lot better now that the ordeal was over. He shook Miss Ley’s hand, and this time he couldn't help but give a little speech.
Miss Ley was taken aback, but really thought his effort not bad. It might have been worse, and at all events he had kept out of it references to the Almighty and to his duty! Then Craddock turned to Dr. Ramsay, and went up to him with an outstretched hand that could not be refused.
Miss Ley was surprised, but she actually thought his effort wasn't bad. It could have been worse, and at least he hadn't brought up the Almighty or his duty! Then Craddock turned to Dr. Ramsay and approached him with an outstretched hand that couldn't be ignored.
“I should like to see you sometime, Dr. Ramsay,” he said, looking at him steadily. “I fancy you want to have a talk with me, and I should like it too. When can you give me an appointment?”
“I’d like to meet with you sometime, Dr. Ramsay,” he said, looking at him directly. “I think you want to talk to me, and I’d like that too. When can we set up an appointment?”
Bertha flushed with pleasure at his frank words, and Miss Ley was pleased at the courage with which he had attacked the old curmudgeon.
Bertha felt a warm rush of happiness at his honest words, and Miss Ley admired the bravery with which he had confronted the old grouch.
“I think it would be a very good idea,” said the doctor. “I can see you to-night at eight.”
“I think that sounds like a great idea,” the doctor said. “I can see you tonight at eight.”
“Good! Good-bye, Miss Ley.”
“Great! Bye, Miss Ley.”
He went out with Bertha.
He dated Bertha.
Miss Ley was not one of those persons who consider it indiscreet to form an opinion upon small evidence. Before knowing a man for five minutes she made up her mind about him, and liked nothing better than to impart her impression to any that asked her.
Miss Ley wasn’t the kind of person who thought it was inappropriate to judge someone based on little evidence. Within five minutes of meeting a man, she would decide what she thought of him, and she loved sharing her impressions with anyone who asked.
“Upon my word, doctor,” she said, as soon as the door was shut, “he’s not so terrible as I expected.”
“Honestly, doctor,” she said as soon as the door closed, “he’s not as bad as I thought.”
“I never said he was not good-looking,” pointedly answered Dr. Ramsay, who was convinced that any and every woman was willing to make herself a fool with a handsome man.
“I never said he wasn't good-looking,” Dr. Ramsay replied sharply, believing that any woman would gladly make a fool of herself for a handsome man.
Miss Ley smiled. “Good looks, my dear doctor, are three parts of the necessary equipment in the battle of life. You can’t imagine the miserable existence of a really plain girl.”
Miss Ley smiled. “Good looks, my dear doctor, are three-quarters of the essential gear in the fight of life. You can’t imagine the miserable existence of a truly plain girl.”
“Do you approve of Bertha’s ridiculous idea?”
“Do you think Bertha’s ridiculous idea is a good one?”
“To tell you the truth, I think it makes very little difference if you and I approve or not; therefore we’d much better take the matter quietly.”
“To be honest, I don’t think it really matters if you and I approve or not; so we might as well just accept it quietly.”
“You can do what you like, Miss Ley,” replied the doctor very bluntly, “but I mean to stop the business.”
“You can do whatever you want, Miss Ley,” the doctor said very straightforwardly, “but I plan to put an end to this.”
“You won’t, my dear doctor,” said Miss Ley, smiling again. “I know Bertha so much better than you. I’ve lived with her for three years, and I’ve found constant entertainment in the study of her character.... Let me tell you how I first knew her. Of course you know that her father and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for years. Having played ducks and drakes with his own money, he wanted to play the same silly game with mine; and as I strongly objected he flew into a violent passion, called me an ungrateful wretch, and nourished the grievance to the end of his days. Well, his health broke down after his wife’s death, and he spent several years with Bertha wandering about the continent. She was educated as best could be, in half-a-dozen countries, and it’s a marvel to me that she is not entirely ignorant or entirely vicious. She’s a brilliant example in favour of the opinion that the human race is inclined to good rather than to evil.”
“You won’t, my dear doctor,” Miss Ley said, smiling again. “I know Bertha way better than you do. I’ve lived with her for three years, and I’ve found constant entertainment in studying her character.... Let me tell you how I first got to know her. Of course, you know that her father and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for years. Having played around with his own money, he wanted to mess with mine too; and when I strongly objected, he flew into a rage, called me an ungrateful wretch, and held onto that grudge for the rest of his life. Well, after his wife died, his health declined, and he spent several years with Bertha traveling around Europe. She was educated as best as she could be, in half a dozen countries, and it’s a wonder to me that she isn’t completely ignorant or completely evil. She’s a brilliant example in favor of the belief that humanity leans more towards good than bad.”
Miss Ley smiled, for she was herself convinced of precisely the opposite.
Miss Ley smiled, because she was convinced of exactly the opposite.
“Well, one day,” she proceeded, “I got a telegram, sent through my solicitors: ‘Father dead, please come if convenient.—Bertha Ley.’ It was addressed from Naples and I was in Florence. Of course I rushed down, taking nothing but a bag, a few yards of crape, and some smelling-salts. I was met at the station by Bertha, whom I hadn’t seen for ten years; I saw a tall and handsome young woman, very self-possessed, and admirably gowned in the very latest fashion. I kissed her in a subdued way, proper to the occasion; and as we drove back, inquired when the funeral was to be, holding the smelling-salts in readiness for an outburst of weeping. ‘Oh, it’s all over,’ she said. ‘I didn’t send my wire till everything was settled; I thought it would only upset you. I’ve given notice to the landlord of the villa and to the servants. There was really no need for you to come at all, only the doctor and the English parson seemed to think it rather queer of me to be here alone.’ I used the smelling-salts myself! Imagine my emotion; I expected to find a hobbledehoy of a girl in hysterics, everything topsy-turvy and all sorts of horrid things to do; instead of which I found everything arranged perfectly well and the hobbledehoy rather disposed to manage me if I let her. At luncheon she looked at my travelling dress. ‘I suppose you left Florence in a hurry,’ she remarked. ‘If you want to get anything black, you’d better go to my dressmaker; she’s not bad. I must go there this afternoon myself to try some things on.’”
“Well, one day,” she continued, “I got a telegram sent through my lawyers: ‘Father dead, please come if convenient.—Bertha Ley.’ It was sent from Naples and I was in Florence. Of course, I hurried down, taking just a bag, a few yards of black fabric, and some smelling salts. I was met at the station by Bertha, who I hadn’t seen in ten years; she was a tall and attractive young woman, very composed, and dressed in the latest style. I kissed her in a subdued manner appropriate for the occasion, and as we drove back, I asked when the funeral was, holding the smelling salts ready for any emotional outburst. ‘Oh, it’s all over,’ she said. ‘I didn’t send my message until everything was settled; I thought it would only upset you. I’ve given notice to the landlord of the villa and to the staff. There was really no need for you to come at all, only the doctor and the English vicar seemed to think it was a bit odd for me to be here alone.’ I ended up using the smelling salts myself! Imagine my surprise; I expected to find a tearful girl in chaos with all sorts of horrible tasks to deal with; instead, I found everything organized perfectly, and the girl was rather inclined to take charge if I let her. At lunch, she looked at my travel outfit. ‘I guess you left Florence in a rush,’ she commented. ‘If you need to get anything in black, you'd better go to my dressmaker; she’s pretty good. I need to go there this afternoon myself to try on some things.’”
Miss Ley stopped and looked at the doctor to see the effect of her words. He said nothing.
Miss Ley stopped and looked at the doctor to gauge his reaction to her words. He stayed silent.
“And the impression I gained then,” she added, “has only been strengthened since. You’ll be a very clever man if you prevent Bertha from doing a thing upon which she has set her mind.”
“And the impression I got back then,” she added, “has only gotten stronger since. You’ll be a very smart man if you stop Bertha from doing something she’s determined to do.”
“D’you mean to tell me that you’re going to sanction the marriage?”
“Are you really saying that you’re going to approve the marriage?”
Miss Ley shrugged her shoulders. “My dear Dr. Ramsay, I tell you it won’t make the least difference whether we bless or curse. And he seems an average sort of young man—let us be thankful that she’s done no worse. He’s not uneducated.”
Miss Ley shrugged her shoulders. “My dear Dr. Ramsay, I’m telling you it won’t make any difference whether we bless or curse. And he seems like an average kind of young man—let’s be thankful she hasn’t settled for someone worse. He’s not uneducated.”
“No, he’s not that. He spent ten years at Regis School, Tercanbury; so he ought to know something.”
“No, he’s not like that. He spent ten years at Regis School, Tercanbury, so he should know something.”
“What was exactly his father?”
“What exactly was his father?”
“His father was the same as himself—a gentleman-farmer. He’d been educated at Regis School, as his son was. He knew most of the gentry, but he wasn’t quite one of them; he knew all the farmers and he wasn’t quite one of them either. And that’s what they’ve been for generations, neither flesh, fowl, nor good red herring.”
“His father was just like him—a gentleman farmer. He had been educated at Regis School, just like his son. He knew most of the local gentry, but he didn’t fully belong to that crowd; he knew all the farmers too, but he didn’t fit in with them either. And that’s how they’ve been for generations, neither this nor that.”
“It’s those people that the newspapers tell us are the backbone of the country, Dr. Ramsay.”
“It’s those people that the newspapers say are the backbone of the country, Dr. Ramsay.”
“Let ’em remain in their proper place then, in the back,” said the doctor. “You can do as you please, Miss Ley; I’m going to put a stop to the business. After all, old Mr. Ley made me the girl’s guardian, and though she is twenty-one I think it’s my duty to see that she doesn’t fall into the hands of the first penniless scamp who asks her to marry him.”
“Let them stay in their place, then, in the back,” said the doctor. “You can do whatever you want, Miss Ley; I’m going to put an end to this. After all, old Mr. Ley made me the girl’s guardian, and even though she’s twenty-one, I think it’s my responsibility to make sure she doesn’t end up with the first broke loser who asks her to marry him.”
“You can do as you please,” retorted Miss Ley, who was a little bored. “You’ll do no good with Bertha.”
"You can do whatever you want," replied Miss Ley, who was a bit bored. "You won't accomplish anything with Bertha."
“I’m not going to Bertha; I’m going to Craddock direct, and I mean to give him a piece of my mind.”
“I’m not going to Bertha; I’m going straight to Craddock, and I’m going to tell him exactly what I think.”
Miss Ley shrugged her shoulders. Dr. Ramsay evidently did not see who was the active party in the matter, and she did not feel it her duty to inform him.
Miss Ley shrugged her shoulders. Dr. Ramsay clearly didn't recognize who was actually involved in the situation, and she didn't think it was her responsibility to let him know.
“The question is,” she said quietly, “can she marry any one worse? I must say I’m quite relieved that Bertha doesn’t want to marry a creature from Bayswater.”
“The question is,” she said softly, “can she marry anyone worse? I have to say I’m really relieved that Bertha doesn’t want to marry someone from Bayswater.”
The doctor took his leave, and in a few minutes Bertha joined Miss Ley. The latter obviously intended to make no efforts to disturb the course of true love.
The doctor said goodbye, and a few minutes later, Bertha joined Miss Ley. It was clear that Miss Ley had no intention of disrupting the flow of true love.
“You’ll have to be thinking of ordering your trousseau, my dear,” she said, with a dry smile.
“You need to start thinking about ordering your wedding essentials, my dear,” she said, with a dry smile.
“We’re going to be married quite privately,” answered Bertha. “We neither of us want to make a fuss.”
“We’re going to get married quietly,” Bertha replied. “We don’t want to cause a big deal.”
“I think you’re very wise. Of course most people, when they get married, fancy they’re doing a very original thing. It never occurs to them that quite a number of persons have committed matrimony since Adam and Eve.”
“I think you’re really wise. Of course, most people, when they get married, believe they’re doing something totally unique. It never crosses their minds that a lot of people have gotten married since Adam and Eve.”
Chapter V
NEXT day, after luncheon, Miss Ley retired to the drawing-room and unpacked the books which had just arrived from Mudie. She looked through them, and read a page here and there to see what they were like, thinking meanwhile of the meal they had just finished. Edward Craddock had been somewhat nervous, sitting uncomfortably on his chair, too officious, perhaps, in handing things to Miss Ley, salt and pepper and the like, as he saw she wanted them. He evidently wished to make himself amiable. At the same time he was subdued, and not gaily enthusiastic as might be expected from a happy lover. Miss Ley could not help asking herself if he really loved her niece. Bertha was obviously without a doubt on the subject. She had been radiant, keeping her eyes all the while fixed upon the young man as if he were the most delightful and wonderful object she had ever seen. Miss Ley was surprised at the girl’s expansiveness, contrasting with her old reserve. She seemed now not to care a straw if all the world saw her emotions. She was not only happy to be in love, she was proud also. Miss Ley laughed aloud at the doctor’s idea that he could disturb the course of such passion.... But if Miss Ley, well aware that the watering-pots of reason could not put out those raging fires, had no intention of hindering the match, neither had she a desire to witness the preliminaries thereof; and after luncheon, remarking that she felt tired and meant to lie down, went into the drawing-room alone. It pleased her to think she could at the same time suit the lovers’ pleasure and her own convenience.
NEXT day, after lunch, Miss Ley went to the drawing-room and unpacked the books that had just arrived from Mudie. She browsed through them, reading a page here and there to see what they were like, while thinking about the meal they had just finished. Edward Craddock had been a bit nervous, sitting uncomfortably in his chair, perhaps a bit too eager to hand things to Miss Ley, like salt and pepper, as he noticed she needed them. He clearly wanted to be likable. At the same time, he seemed subdued, not as cheerful and enthusiastic as one might expect from a happy lover. Miss Ley couldn't help but wonder if he truly loved her niece. Bertha, however, was undeniably certain about it. She had been glowing, keeping her gaze fixed on the young man as if he were the most charming and amazing thing she had ever seen. Miss Ley was surprised by the girl's openness, which contrasted with her usual reserve. She seemed completely unbothered about whether the whole world saw her feelings. She wasn't just happy to be in love; she was also proud of it. Miss Ley chuckled at the doctor’s belief that he could interfere with such intense emotions... But while Miss Ley, fully aware that the sprinklers of reason couldn’t douse those raging fires, had no intention of stopping the romance, she also didn't want to witness the early stages of it; so after lunch, she mentioned that she felt tired and planned to lie down, heading into the drawing-room alone. It pleased her to think she could satisfy the lovers' desires while also enjoying her own convenience.
She chose that book from the bundle which seemed most promising, and began to read. Presently the door was opened by a servant, and Miss Glover was announced. An expression of annoyance passed over Miss Ley’s face, but was immediately succeeded by one of mellifluous amiability.
She picked the book from the stack that looked the most interesting and started reading. Soon, a servant opened the door and announced Miss Glover. An annoyed look crossed Miss Ley's face but was quickly replaced by a sweet smile.
“Oh, don’t get up, dear Miss Ley,” said the visitor, as her hostess slowly rose from the sofa.
“Oh, don’t get up, dear Miss Ley,” said the visitor, as her hostess slowly got off the sofa.
Miss Ley shook hands and began to talk. She said she was delighted to see Miss Glover, thinking meanwhile that this estimable person’s sense of etiquette was very tedious. The Glovers had dined at Court Leys during the previous week, and punctually seven days afterwards Miss Glover was paying a ceremonious call.
Miss Ley shook hands and started talking. She said she was happy to see Miss Glover, while thinking that this respectable person’s sense of etiquette was really tedious. The Glovers had dined at Court Leys the week before, and exactly seven days later, Miss Glover was making a formal visit.
Miss Glover was a worthy person, but dull; and that Miss Ley could not forgive. Better ten thousand times, in her opinion, was it to be Becky Sharp and a monster of wickedness than Amelia and a monster of stupidity.
Miss Glover was a decent person, but boring; and Miss Ley couldn't overlook that. In her view, it was better to be Becky Sharp and a total villain than to be Amelia and a total dullard.
“Pardon me, Madam, it is well known that Thackeray, in Amelia, gave us a type of the pure-hearted, sweet-minded English maiden, whose qualities are the foundation of the greatness of Great Britain, and the superiority of the Anglo-Saxon race.”
“Excuse me, ma'am, it's well known that Thackeray, in Amelia, presented a model of the kind-hearted, gentle English woman, whose qualities are the basis of Great Britain's greatness and the superiority of the Anglo-Saxon race.”
“I have no doubt that such was his intention. But why do you think novelists, when they draw the average English girl, should invariably produce an utter fool?”
“I have no doubt that this was his intention. But why do you think novelists, when they portray the typical English girl, always end up creating a complete fool?”
“Madam, Madam, this is heresy.”
“Ma'am, this is heresy.”
“No, sir, it is merely a question—prompted by a desire for information.”
“No, sir, it’s just a question—driven by a need for information.”
“It must be their want of skill.”
“It must be their lack of skill.”
“I hope so.”
“I hope so.”
Miss Glover was one of the best natured and most charitable creatures upon the face of the earth, a miracle of abnegation and unselfishness; but a person to be amused by her could have been only an absolute lunatic.
Miss Glover was one of the kindest and most giving people on the planet, truly a wonder of selflessness and generosity; however, anyone who found her entertaining must have been completely out of their mind.
“She’s really a dear kind thing,” said Miss Ley of her, “and she does endless good in the parish—but she’s really too dull: she’s only fit for heaven!”
“She’s such a sweet person,” said Miss Ley about her, “and she does so much good in the community—but she’s honestly too boring: she’s only suited for heaven!”
And the image passed through Miss Ley’s mind, unsobered by advancing years, of Miss Glover, with her colourless hair hanging down her back, wings, and a golden harp, singing hymns in a squeaky voice, morning, noon, and night. Indeed, the general conception of paradisaical costume suited Miss Glover very ill. She was a woman of about eight and twenty, but might have been any age between one score and two; you felt that she had always been the same and that years would have no power over her strength of mind. She had no figure, and her clothes were so stiff and unyielding as to give an impression of armour. She was nearly always dressed in a tight black jacket of ribbed cloth that was evidently most durable, the plainest of skirts, and strong, really strong boots! Her hat was suited for all weathers and she had made it herself! She never wore a veil, and her skin was dry and hard, drawn so tightly over the bones as to give her face extraordinary angularity; over her prominent cheek-bones was a red flush, the colour of which was not uniformly suffused, but with the capillaries standing out distinctly, forming a network. Her nose and mouth were what is politely termed of a determined character, her pale blue eyes slightly protruded. Ten years of East Anglian winds had blown all the softness from her face, and their bitter fury seemed to have bleached even her hair. One could not tell if this was brown and had lost its richness, or gold from which the shimmer had vanished; and the roots sprang from the cranium with a curious apartness, so that Miss Ley always thought how easy in her case it would be for the Recording Angel to number the hairs. But notwithstanding the hard, uncompromising exterior which suggested extreme determination, Miss Glover was so bashful, so absurdly self-conscious, as to blush at every opportunity; and in the presence of a stranger to go through utter misery from inability to think of a single word to say. At the same time she had the tenderest of hearts, sympathetic, compassionate; she overflowed with love and pity for her fellow-creatures. She was also excessively sentimental!
And the image floated through Miss Ley’s mind, unchanged by the years, of Miss Glover, with her colorless hair hanging down her back, wings, and a golden harp, singing hymns in a squeaky voice, morning, noon, and night. In fact, the typical idea of paradise attire didn’t suit Miss Glover at all. She was around twenty-eight, but could have been anywhere between twenty and forty; you felt she had always looked the same and that time wouldn’t affect her mental strength. She had no shape, and her clothes were so stiff and unyielding that they gave an impression of armor. She almost always wore a tight black jacket made of ribbed fabric that looked incredibly durable, the simplest of skirts, and strong, really strong boots! Her hat was designed for all weather, and she had made it herself! She never wore a veil, and her skin was dry and tough, pulled so tightly over her bones that it made her face look extremely angular; her prominent cheekbones had a reddish flush, the color not evenly spread, but with the capillaries standing out distinctly, forming a network. Her nose and mouth were what you might politely call strong-featured, and her pale blue eyes slightly bulged. Ten years of East Anglian winds had stripped all softness from her face, and their harshness seemed to have even bleached her hair. It was hard to tell if it was brown that had lost its vibrancy or gold that had lost its shimmer; the roots grew from her scalp in a curious way, so that Miss Ley often thought how easy it would be for the Recording Angel to count her hairs. Yet, despite her hard, unyielding exterior that suggested extreme determination, Miss Glover was so bashful and absurdly self-conscious that she would blush at every chance; in the presence of a stranger, she would suffer utter misery from not being able to think of a single word to say. At the same time, she had the kindest heart, full of sympathy and compassion; she overflowed with love and pity for her fellow creatures. She was also exceedingly sentimental!
“And how is your brother?” asked Miss Ley.
“And how's your brother?” asked Miss Ley.
“Oh, he’s very well. Of course he’s rather worried about the dissenters. You know they’re putting up a new chapel in Leanham; it’s perfectly dreadful.”
“Oh, he’s doing great. Of course, he’s a bit worried about the dissenters. You know they’re building a new chapel in Leanham; it’s absolutely awful.”
“Mr. Craddock mentioned the fact at luncheon.”
“Mr. Craddock brought it up at lunch.”
“Oh, was he lunching with you? I didn’t know you knew him well enough for that.”
“Oh, were you having lunch with him? I didn’t realize you knew him that well.”
“I suppose he’s here now,” said Miss Ley; “he’s not been in to say good-bye.”
“I guess he’s here now,” said Miss Ley; “he hasn’t come in to say goodbye.”
Miss Glover looked at her with some want of intelligence. But it was not to be expected that Miss Ley could explain before making the affair a good deal more complicated.
Miss Glover looked at her with a bit of confusion. But it wasn't realistic to expect that Miss Ley could explain anything without making the situation much more complicated first.
“And how is Bertha?” asked Miss Glover, whose conversation was chiefly concerned with inquiries about mutual acquaintance.
“And how is Bertha?” asked Miss Glover, whose conversation mainly focused on asking about friends they both knew.
“Oh, of course, she’s in the seventh heaven of delight.”
“Oh, of course, she’s on cloud nine with joy.”
“Oh!” said Miss Glover, not understanding at all what Miss Ley meant.
“Oh!” said Miss Glover, completely confused about what Miss Ley meant.
She was somewhat afraid of the elder lady. Even though her brother Charles said he feared she was worldly, Miss Glover could not fail to respect a woman who had lived in London and on the continent, who had met Dean Farrar and seen Miss Marie Corelli.
She was a bit afraid of the older woman. Even though her brother Charles mentioned he thought she was superficial, Miss Glover couldn’t help but respect a woman who had lived in London and abroad, who had met Dean Farrar and seen Miss Marie Corelli.
“Of course,” she said, “Bertha is young, and naturally high spirited.”
“Of course,” she said, “Bertha is young and naturally full of energy.”
“Well, I’m sure, I hope she’ll be happy.”
“Well, I’m sure I hope she’ll be happy.”
“You must be very anxious about her future, Miss Ley.” Miss Glover found her hostess’s observations simply cryptic, and, feeling foolish, blushed a fiery red.
“You must be really worried about her future, Miss Ley.” Miss Glover found her hostess’s comments completely mysterious and, feeling embarrassed, blushed bright red.
“Not at all; she’s her own mistress, and as able-bodied and as reasonably-minded as most young women. But, of course, it’s a great risk.”
“Not at all; she’s her own boss, and just as capable and rational as most young women. But, of course, it’s a big risk.”
“I’m very sorry, Miss Ley,” said the vicar’s sister, in such distress as to give her friend certain qualms of conscience, “but I really don’t understand. What is a great risk?”
“I’m really sorry, Miss Ley,” said the vicar’s sister, looking so upset that it made her friend feel a bit guilty, “but I honestly don’t get it. What’s a big risk?”
“Matrimony, my dear.”
"Marriage, my dear."
“My dear Miss Glover, please keep calm. And if you want to congratulate anybody, congratulate Bertha—not me.”
“My dear Miss Glover, please stay calm. And if you want to congratulate anyone, congratulate Bertha—not me.”
“But I’m so glad, Miss Ley. To think of dear Bertha getting married; Charles will be so pleased.”
“But I’m so happy, Miss Ley. Just imagine dear Bertha getting married; Charles will be so thrilled.”
“It’s to Mr. Edward Craddock,” drily said Miss Ley, interrupting these transports.
“It’s to Mr. Edward Craddock,” Miss Ley said dryly, interrupting these emotions.
“Oh!” Miss Glover’s jaw dropped and she changed colour; then, recovering herself: “You don’t say so!”
“Oh!” Miss Glover's jaw dropped, and she turned pale; then, regaining her composure, she said, “You don’t say!”
“You seem surprised, dear Miss Glover,” said the elder lady, with a thin smile.
“You look surprised, dear Miss Glover,” said the older woman, with a slight smile.
“I am surprised. I thought they scarcely knew one another; and besides—“ Miss Glover stopped, with embarrassment.
“I am surprised. I thought they barely knew each other; and besides—“ Miss Glover stopped, feeling embarrassed.
“And besides what?” inquired Miss Ley, sharply.
“And besides what?” Miss Ley asked sharply.
“Well, Miss Ley, of course Mr. Craddock is a very good young man and I like him, but I shouldn’t have thought him a suitable match for Bertha.”
“Well, Miss Ley, of course Mr. Craddock is a really good young man and I like him, but I wouldn’t have thought he was a suitable match for Bertha.”
“It depends upon what you mean by a suitable match.”
“It depends on what you mean by a suitable match.”
“I was always hoping Bertha would marry young Mr. Branderton of the Towers.”
“I always hoped Bertha would marry young Mr. Branderton from the Towers.”
“Hm!” said Miss Ley, who did not like the neighboring squire’s mother, “I don’t know what Mr. Branderton has to recommend him beyond the possession of four or five generations of particularly stupid ancestors and two or three thousand acres which he can neither let nor sell.”
“Hmm!” said Miss Ley, who wasn’t fond of the neighboring squire’s mother, “I don’t see what Mr. Branderton has going for him besides having four or five generations of particularly foolish ancestors and two or three thousand acres that he can’t lease or sell.”
“Of course Mr. Craddock is a very worthy young man,” added Miss Glover, who was afraid she had said too much. “If you approve of the match no one else can complain.”
“Of course Mr. Craddock is a really good young man,” added Miss Glover, worried she had said too much. “If you’re okay with the match, no one else can complain.”
“I don’t approve of the match, Miss Glover, but I’m not such a fool as to oppose it. Marriage is always a hopeless idiocy for a woman who has enough money of her own to live upon.”
“I don’t approve of the match, Miss Glover, but I’m not foolish enough to fight against it. Marriage is always a pointless mistake for a woman who has enough money to support herself.”
“Is it?” retorted Miss Ley. “I always thought it was an arrangement to provide work for the judges in the Divorce Court.”
“Is it?” shot back Miss Ley. “I always thought it was just a way to keep the judges in the Divorce Court busy.”
To this Miss Glover very properly made no answer.
To this, Miss Glover wisely said nothing.
“Do you think they’ll be happy together?”
“Do you think they'll be happy together?”
“I think it very improbable,” said Miss Ley.
“I find it highly unlikely,” said Miss Ley.
“Well, don’t you think it’s your duty—excuse my mentioning it, Miss Ley—to do something?”
“Well, don’t you think it’s your responsibility—sorry for bringing it up, Miss Ley—to take some action?”
“My dear Miss Glover, I don’t think they’ll be more unhappy than most married couples; and one’s greatest duty in this world is to leave people alone.”
“My dear Miss Glover, I don’t think they’ll be any unhappier than most married couples; and one’s biggest responsibility in this world is to let people be.”
“There I cannot agree with you,” said Miss Glover, bridling. “If duty was not more difficult than that there would be no credit in doing it.”
“There I can't agree with you,” said Miss Glover, bristling. “If duty weren't more challenging than that, there would be no honor in fulfilling it.”
“Ah, my dear, your idea of a happy life is always to do the disagreeable thing: mine is to gather the roses—with gloves on, so that the thorns should not prick me.”
“Ah, my dear, your idea of a happy life is always to do the unpleasant thing: mine is to enjoy the roses—with gloves on, so that the thorns don’t prick me.”
“That’s not the way to win the battle, Miss Ley. We must all fight.”
"That's not how to win the battle, Miss Ley. We all need to fight."
“My dear Miss Glover!” said Bertha’s aunt.
“My dear Miss Glover!” said Bertha’s aunt.
She fancied it a little impertinent for a woman twenty years younger than herself to exhort her to lead a better life. But the picture of that poor, ill-dressed creature fighting with a devil, cloven-footed, betailed and behorned, was as pitiful as it was comic; and with difficulty Miss Ley repressed an impulse to argue and to startle a little her estimable friend.
She thought it a bit rude for a woman twenty years younger than her to urge her to live a better life. But the image of that poor, poorly-dressed woman struggling with a devil, with cloven feet, a tail, and horns, was as sad as it was funny; and Miss Ley barely held back the urge to argue and to slightly shock her respected friend.
But at that moment Dr. Ramsay came in. He shook hands with both ladies.
But at that moment, Dr. Ramsay walked in. He shook hands with both women.
“I thought I’d look in to see how Bertha was,” he said.
“I thought I’d check in to see how Bertha was,” he said.
“Poor Mr. Craddock has another adversary,” remarked Miss Ley. “Miss Glover thinks I ought to take the affair seriously.”
“Poor Mr. Craddock has another opponent,” Miss Ley said. “Miss Glover believes I should handle the situation seriously.”
“I do, indeed,” said Miss Glover.
“I really do,” said Miss Glover.
“Ever since I was a young girl,” said Miss Ley, “I’ve been trying not to take things seriously, and I’m afraid now I’m hopelessly frivolous.”
“Ever since I was a little girl,” said Miss Ley, “I’ve been trying not to take things seriously, and I’m afraid now I’m hopelessly carefree.”
The contrast between this assertion and Miss Ley’s prim manner was really funny, but Miss Glover saw only something quite incomprehensible.
The difference between this claim and Miss Ley’s proper manner was really amusing, but Miss Glover saw only something completely baffling.
“After all,” added Miss Ley, “nine marriages out of ten are more or less unsatisfactory. You say young Branderton would have been more suitable; but really a string of ancestors is no particular assistance to matrimonial felicity, and otherwise I see no marked difference between him and Edward Craddock. Mr. Branderton has been to Eton and Oxford, but he conceals the fact with very great success. Practically he’s just as much a gentleman-farmer as Mr. Craddock; but one family is working itself up and the other is working itself down. The Brandertons represent the past and the Craddocks the future; and though I detest reform and progress, so far as matrimony is concerned I prefer myself the man who founds a family to the man who ends it. But, good Heavens! you’re making me sententious.”
“After all,” Miss Ley added, “nine out of ten marriages are more or less disappointing. You say young Branderton would have been a better match; but honestly, a long line of ancestors doesn’t really help with happiness in marriage, and otherwise, I don’t see much difference between him and Edward Craddock. Mr. Branderton went to Eton and Oxford, but he hides that fact very well. Essentially, he’s just as much a gentleman farmer as Mr. Craddock; it’s just that one family is rising in status while the other is declining. The Brandertons symbolize the past, and the Craddocks symbolize the future; and while I dislike change and progress, when it comes to marriage, I personally prefer the man who starts a family to the one who ends it. But, good grief! You’re making me sound preachy.”
It was curious how opposition was making Miss Ley almost a champion of Edward Craddock.
It was interesting how the opposition was turning Miss Ley into a sort of champion for Edward Craddock.
“Well,” said the doctor, in his heavy way, “I’m in favour of every one sticking to his own class. Nowadays, whoever a man is he wants to be the next thing better; the labourer apes the tradesman, the tradesman apes the professional man.”
“Well,” said the doctor, in his heavy manner, “I believe everyone should stick to their own class. These days, no matter who a person is, they want to be one step above; the laborer imitates the tradesman, and the tradesman imitates the professional.”
“And the professional man is worst of all, dear doctor,” said Miss Ley, “for he apes the noble lord, who seldom affords a very admirable example. And the amusing thing is that each set thinks itself quite as good as those above, while harbouring profound contempt for all below. In fact the only members of society who hold themselves in proper estimation are the servants. I always think that the domestics of gentlemen’s houses in South Kensington are several degrees less odious than their masters.”
“And the professional man is the worst of all, dear doctor,” said Miss Ley, “because he imitates the noble lord, who rarely sets a great example. The funny thing is that every group believes it is just as good as those above, while secretly looking down on everyone below. In fact, the only people in society who truly value themselves are the servants. I always think that the domestic staff in gentlemen’s houses in South Kensington are several degrees less unpleasant than their masters.”
This was not a subject which Miss Glover or Dr. Ramsay could discuss, and there was a momentary pause.
This wasn’t a topic that Miss Glover or Dr. Ramsay could talk about, and there was a brief silence.
“What single point can you bring in favour of this marriage?” asked the doctor, suddenly.
“What single point can you bring in favor of this marriage?” the doctor asked suddenly.
“Miss Ley!” said the parson’s sister, in a tone of entreaty.
“Miss Ley!” said the pastor’s sister, in a pleading tone.
Miss Ley glanced from one to the other. “Do you want my serious opinion?” she asked, rather more gravely than usual. “The girl loves him, my dear doctor. Marriage, after all, is such a risk that only passion makes it worth while.”
Miss Ley glanced from one to the other. “Do you want my honest opinion?” she asked, a bit more seriously than usual. “The girl loves him, my dear doctor. Marriage, after all, is such a gamble that only passion makes it worthwhile.”
Miss Glover looked up uneasily at the word passion.
Miss Glover looked up nervously at the word passion.
“Yes, I know what you all think in England,” said Miss Ley, catching the glance and its meaning. “You expect people to marry from every reason except the proper, one—and that is the instinct of reproduction.”
“Yes, I know what everyone thinks in England,” said Miss Ley, understanding the look and what it meant. “You all expect people to get married for every reason except the right one—and that is the instinct to reproduce.”
“Miss Ley!” exclaimed Miss Glover, blushing.
“Miss Ley!” exclaimed Miss Glover, blushing.
“Oh, you’re old enough to take a sensible view of the, matter,” answered Miss Ley, somewhat brutally. “Bertha is merely the female attracted to the male, and that is the only decent foundation of marriage—the other way seems to me merely horrid. And what does it matter if the man is not of the same station, the instinct has nothing to do with the walk in life; if I’d ever been in love I shouldn’t have cared if it was a pot-boy, I’d have married him—if he asked me.”
“Oh, you’re old enough to see this sensibly,” Miss Ley replied, rather harshly. “Bertha is just the woman drawn to the man, and that's the only real basis for marriage—the opposite seems really awful to me. And what does it matter if the man isn't of the same social class? Instinct has nothing to do with your background; if I had ever been in love, I wouldn’t have cared if he was a pot-boy, I would have married him—if he had asked me.”
“Well, upon my word!” said the doctor.
“Well, I swear!” said the doctor.
But Miss Ley was roused now, and interrupted him: “The particular function of a woman is to propagate her species; and if she’s wise she’ll choose a strong and healthy man to be the father of her children. I have no patience with those women who marry a man because he’s got brains. What is the good of a husband who can make abstruse mathematical calculations? A woman wants a man with strong arms and the digestion of an ox.”
But Miss Ley was now alert and interrupted him: “The main role of a woman is to have children, and if she’s smart, she’ll pick a strong and healthy man to be the father of her kids. I have no tolerance for those women who marry a man just because he’s smart. What’s the point of a husband who can do complex math? A woman wants a man with strong arms and a robust constitution.”
“My dear, you’ve been brought up like the majority of English girls—that is, like a fool.”
“My dear, you’ve been raised just like most English girls—that is, like a fool.”
Poor Miss Glover blushed. “At all events I’ve been brought up to regard marriage as a holy institution. We’re here upon earth to mortify the flesh, not to indulge it. I hope I shall never be tempted to think of such matters in the way you’ve suggested. If ever I marry I know that nothing will be further from me than carnal thoughts. I look upon marriage as a spiritual union in which it is my duty to love, honour, and obey my husband, to assist and sustain him, to live with him such a life that when the end comes we may be prepared for it.”
Poor Miss Glover blushed. “Anyway, I’ve been raised to see marriage as a sacred institution. We’re here on earth to control our desires, not to give in to them. I hope I’ll never be tempted to view things the way you have suggested. If I ever get married, I know that nothing will be further from my mind than physical desires. I see marriage as a spiritual connection where it's my duty to love, honor, and support my husband, to assist him and share a life together so that when the time comes, we can both be ready for it.”
“Fiddlesticks!” said Miss Ley.
“Fiddlesticks!” said Ms. Ley.
“I should have thought you of all people,” said Dr. Ramsay, “would object to Bertha marrying beneath her.”
“I would have thought that you, of all people,” said Dr. Ramsay, “would oppose Bertha marrying someone beneath her.”
“They can’t be happy,” said Miss Glover.
“They can’t be happy,” Miss Glover said.
“Why not? I used to know in Italy Lady Justitia Shawe, who married her footman. She made him take her name, and they drank like fishes. They lived for forty years in complete felicity, and when he drank himself to death poor Lady Justitia was so grieved that her next attack of delirium tremens carried her off. It was most pathetic.”
“Why not? I used to know Lady Justitia Shawe in Italy, who married her footman. She had him take her name, and they drank like fish. They lived together for forty years in total happiness, and when he drank himself to death, poor Lady Justitia was so heartbroken that her next episode of delirium tremens took her away. It was really sad.”
“I can’t think you look forward with pleasure to such a fate for your only niece, Miss Ley,” said Miss Glover, who took everything seriously.
“I can't believe you're actually looking forward to such a fate for your only niece, Miss Ley,” said Miss Glover, who took everything seriously.
“I have another niece, you know,” answered Miss Ley, “My sister, Mrs. Vaudrey, has three children.”
“I have another niece, you know,” replied Miss Ley, “My sister, Mrs. Vaudrey, has three kids.”
But the doctor broke in: “Well, I don’t think you need trouble yourselves about the matter, for I have authority to announce to you that the marriage of Bertha and young Craddock is broken off.”
But the doctor interrupted: “Well, I don’t think you need to worry about it, because I have the authority to tell you that the marriage between Bertha and young Craddock is canceled.”
“What!” cried Miss Ley. “I don’t believe it.”
“What!” exclaimed Miss Ley. “I can’t believe it.”
“You don’t say so,” ejaculated Miss Glover at the same moment. “Oh, I am relieved.”
“You don’t say that,” exclaimed Miss Glover at the same moment. “Oh, I am relieved.”
He was evidently rejoicing over her discomfiture, and that lady became rather cross.
He was clearly enjoying her embarrassment, which made her quite irritated.
“How can I think anything till you explain yourself?” she asked.
“How can I think anything until you explain yourself?” she asked.
“He came to see me last night—you remember he asked for an interview of his own accord—and I put the case before him. I talked to him, I told him that the marriage was impossible; and I said the Leanham and Blackstable people would call him a fortune-hunter. I appealed to him for Bertha’s sake. He’s an honest, straightforward fellow—I always said he was. I made him see he wasn’t doing the straight thing, and at last he promised he’d break it off.”
“He came to see me last night—you remember he asked for a meeting on his own—and I laid out the situation for him. I explained that the marriage was not possible, and I mentioned that the Leanham and Blackstable folks would see him as a fortune-hunter. I pleaded with him for Bertha’s sake. He’s a decent, straightforward guy—I’ve always said that about him. I made him realize that he wasn’t being honest, and eventually, he promised he’d end it.”
“He won’t keep a promise of that sort,” said Miss Ley.
“He won't keep a promise like that,” said Miss Ley.
“Oh, won’t he!” cried the doctor. “I’ve known him all his life, and he’d rather die than break his word.”
“Oh, he totally will!” shouted the doctor. “I’ve known him his whole life, and he’d rather die than go back on his word.”
“Poor fellow!” said Miss Glover, “it must have pained him terribly.”
“Poor guy!” said Miss Glover, “it must have hurt him a lot.”
“He bore it like a man.”
“He handled it like a man.”
Miss Ley pursed her lips till they practically disappeared. “And when is he supposed to carry out your ridiculous suggestion, Dr. Ramsay?” she asked.
Miss Ley pressed her lips together until they almost vanished. “And when is he supposed to follow through on your ridiculous suggestion, Dr. Ramsay?” she asked.
“He told me he was lunching here to-day, and would take the opportunity to ask Bertha for his release.”
“He told me he was having lunch here today and would take the chance to ask Bertha for his release.”
“The man’s a fool!” muttered Miss Ley to herself, but quite audibly.
“The guy's an idiot!” Miss Ley muttered to herself, but loud enough to be heard.
“I think it’s very noble of him,” said Miss Glover, “and I shall make a point of telling him so.”
“I think it’s really admirable of him,” said Miss Glover, “and I’ll definitely make sure to tell him that.”
“I wasn’t thinking of Mr. Craddock,” snapped Miss Ley.
“I wasn’t thinking about Mr. Craddock,” snapped Miss Ley.
Miss Glover looked at Dr. Ramsay to see how he took the rudeness; but at that moment the door was opened and Bertha walked in. Miss Ley caught her mood at a glance. Bertha was evidently not at all distressed; there were no signs of tears, but her cheeks showed more colour than usual, and her lips were firmly compressed; Miss Ley concluded that her niece was in a very pretty passion. However, she drove away the appearance of anger, and her face was full of smiles as she greeted her visitors.
Miss Glover glanced at Dr. Ramsay to see how he reacted to the rudeness; but just then, the door opened and Bertha walked in. Miss Ley noticed her mood instantly. Bertha clearly wasn’t upset at all; there were no signs of tears, but her cheeks were more flushed than usual, and her lips were pressed tightly together; Miss Ley deduced that her niece was in quite a temper. However, she pushed aside any sign of anger, and her face brightened with smiles as she greeted her guests.
“Miss Glover, how kind of you to come. How d’you do, Dr. Ramsay?... Oh, by the way, I think I must ask you—er—not to interfere in future with my private concerns.”
“Miss Glover, how thoughtful of you to come. How do you do, Dr. Ramsay?... Oh, by the way, I should ask you—not to meddle in my personal matters in the future.”
“Dearest,” broke in Miss Glover, “it’s all for the best.”
“Dear,” interrupted Miss Glover, “it’s all for the best.”
Bertha turned to her and the flush on her face deepened: “Ah, I see you’ve been discussing the matter. How good of you! Edward has been asking me to release him.”
Bertha turned to her, and the blush on her face grew deeper. “Oh, I see you’ve been talking about it. How nice of you! Edward has been asking me to let him go.”
Dr. Ramsay nodded with satisfaction.
Dr. Ramsay nodded in approval.
“But I refused!”
“But I said no!”
Dr. Ramsay sprang up, and Miss Glover, lifting her hands, cried: “Oh, dear! Oh, dear!” This was one of the rare occasions in her life upon which Miss Ley was known to laugh outright.
Dr. Ramsay jumped up, and Miss Glover, raising her hands, exclaimed: “Oh, no! Oh, no!” This was one of the few times in her life when Miss Ley was seen to laugh out loud.
Bertha now was simply beaming with happiness. “He pretended that he wanted to break the engagement—but I utterly declined.”
Bertha was just glowing with happiness now. “He acted like he wanted to call off the engagement—but I totally said no.”
“D’you mean to say you wouldn’t let him go when he asked you?” said the doctor.
“Are you saying you wouldn’t let him go when he asked you?” said the doctor.
“Did you think I was going to let my happiness be destroyed by you?” she asked, contemptuously. “I found out that you had been meddling, Dr. Ramsay. Poor boy, he thought his honour required him not to take advantage of my inexperience; I told him, what I’ve told him a thousand times, that I love him, and that I can’t live without him.... Oh, I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Dr. Ramsay. What d’you mean by coming between me and Edward?”
“Did you really believe I would let you ruin my happiness?” she asked, with disdain. “I found out you’ve been interfering, Dr. Ramsay. That poor guy thought he had to protect my innocence; I’ve told him, a thousand times, that I love him and I can't live without him.... Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself, Dr. Ramsay. What do you think you’re doing coming between me and Edward?”
Bertha said the last words passionately, breathing hard. Dr. Ramsay was taken aback, and Miss Glover, thinking such a manner of speech almost unladylike, looked down. Miss Ley’s sharp eyes played from one to the other.
Bertha said the last words with great emotion, breathing heavily. Dr. Ramsay was surprised, and Miss Glover, considering such speech to be almost unladylike, avoided eye contact. Miss Ley's sharp gaze shifted back and forth between them.
“Do you think he really loves you?” said Miss Glover, at last. “It seems to me that if he had, he would not have been so ready to give you up.”
“Do you really think he loves you?” Miss Glover finally asked. “It seems to me that if he did, he wouldn’t have been so quick to let you go.”
Miss Ley smiled; it was certainly curious that a creature of quite angelic goodness should make so Machiavellian a suggestion.
Miss Ley smiled; it was definitely interesting that someone with such angelic goodness would make such a Machiavellian suggestion.
“I have no patience with you,” cried the doctor, unable to contain himself. “He’s marrying you for your money.”
“I have no patience for you,” the doctor yelled, unable to hold back. “He’s only marrying you for your money.”
Bertha gave a little laugh. She was standing by the fire and turned to the glass.... She looked at her hands, resting on the edge of the chimney-piece, small and exquisitely modelled, the fingers tapering, the nails of the softest pink. They were the gentlest hands in the world, made for caresses; and, conscious of their beauty, she wore no rings. With them Bertha was well satisfied. Then, raising her glance, she saw herself in the mirror: for a while she gazed into her dark eyes, flashing sometimes and at others conveying the burning messages of love. She looked at her ears—small, and pink like a shell; they made one feel that no materials were so grateful to the artist’s hands as the materials which make up the body of man. Her hair was dark too, so abundant that she scarcely knew how to wear it, curling; one wanted to pass one’s hands through it, imagining that its touch must be delightful. She put her fingers to one side, to arrange a stray lock: they might say what they liked, she thought, but her hair was good. Bertha wondered why she was so dark; her olive skin suggested, indeed, the south with its burning passion: she had the complexion of the fair women in Umbria, clear and soft beyond description. A painter once had said that her skin had in it all the colour of the setting sun, of the setting sun at its borders where the splendour mingles with the sky; it had an hundred mellow tints, cream and ivory, the palest yellow of the heart of roses and the faintest, the very faintest green, all flushed with radiant light. She looked at her full, red lips, almost passionately sensual. Bertha smiled at herself, and saw the even, glistening teeth; the scrutiny had made her blush, and the colour rendered still more exquisite the pallid, marvellous complexion. She turned slowly and faced the three persons looking at her.
Bertha let out a small laugh. She was standing by the fire and turned to the mirror... She looked at her hands resting on the edge of the mantel, small and beautifully shaped, with tapering fingers and nails in the softest shade of pink. They were the gentlest hands in the world, made for affection, and aware of their beauty, she wore no rings. She was quite pleased with her hands. Then, raising her gaze, she saw herself in the mirror: for a moment, she stared into her dark eyes, which sometimes sparkled and at other times conveyed the deep feelings of love. She examined her ears—small and pink like shells; they made one feel that no material was more pleasing to an artist’s hands than the human body. Her hair was dark as well, so full that she hardly knew how to style it, curling beautifully; one just wanted to run their hands through it, imagining how delightful it must feel. She tucked a stray lock behind her ear: no matter what people said, she thought, her hair was good. Bertha wondered why her complexion was so dark; her olive skin indeed hinted at the southern warmth and passion: she had the kind of fair skin found in Umbria, clear and soft beyond words. A painter once remarked that her skin held all the colors of a sunset, where the brilliance mingles with the sky; it had a hundred warm tones, cream and ivory, the lightest yellow of rose petals and the faintest hint of green, all glowing with radiant light. She looked at her full, red lips, almost provocatively sensual. Bertha smiled at herself and noticed her even, shiny teeth; the close inspection made her blush, and the color enhanced the beauty of her pale, stunning complexion. She turned slowly to face the three people watching her.
Miss Ley thought Bertha certainly very bold thus to challenge the criticism of two women, both unmarried; but she silenced it. Miss Ley’s eyes went from the statuesque neck to the arms as finely formed, and to the figure.
Miss Ley thought Bertha was definitely very bold for challenging the criticism of two unmarried women, but she kept quiet about it. Miss Ley’s gaze traveled from the statuesque neck to the gracefully shaped arms, and then to the figure.
“You’re looking your best, my dear,” she said, with a smile.
“You look great, my dear,” she said, smiling.
The doctor uttered an expression of annoyance: “Can you do nothing to hinder this madness, Miss Ley?”
The doctor expressed his frustration: “Can’t you do anything to stop this madness, Miss Ley?”
“My dear Dr. Ramsay, I have trouble enough in arranging my own life; do not ask me to interfere with other people’s.”
“My dear Dr. Ramsay, I have enough trouble managing my own life; please don’t ask me to get involved in other people’s.”
Chapter VI
BERTHA surrendered herself completely to the enjoyment of her love. Her sanguine temperament never allowed her to do anything half-heartedly, and she took no care now to conceal her feelings; love was a great sea into which she boldly plunged, uncaring whether she would swim or sink.
BERTHA fully immersed herself in the joy of her love. Her lively personality never let her do anything halfway, and she didn’t bother to hide her emotions now; love was a vast ocean she dived into fearlessly, not worrying about whether she would swim or sink.
“I am such a fool,” she told Craddock, “I can’t realise that any one has loved before. I feel that the world is only now beginning.”
“I’m such a fool,” she told Craddock, “I can’t believe that anyone has loved before. I feel like the world is just starting now.”
She hated any separation from him. In the morning she existed for nothing but her lover’s visit at luncheon time, and the walk back with him to his farm; then the afternoon seemed endless, and she counted the hours that must pass before she saw him again. But what bliss it was when, after his work was over, he arrived, and they sat side by side near the fire, talking; Bertha would have no other light than the fitful flaming of the coals, so that, but for the little space where they sat, the room was dark, and the redness of the fire threw on Edward’s face a glow and weird shadows. She loved to look at him, at his clean-cut features, and into his grey eyes. Then her passion knew no restraint.
She couldn’t stand being apart from him. In the morning, all she cared about was his visit at lunch, and the walk back with him to his farm. The afternoon felt like it would never end, and she counted the hours until she would see him again. But when his work was done and he finally arrived, it was pure bliss. They would sit side by side by the fire, chatting; Bertha preferred only the flickering light of the coals, so that aside from their little spot, the room was dark, with the fire casting a warm glow and strange shadows on Edward’s face. She loved gazing at him, with his defined features and grey eyes. In those moments, her passion had no limits.
“Shut your eyes,” she whispered, and she kissed the closed lids; she passed her lips slowly over his lips, and the soft contact made her shudder and laugh. She buried her face in his clothes, inhaling those masterful scents of the countryside which had always fascinated her.
“Close your eyes,” she whispered, and she kissed his closed eyelids; she slowly brushed her lips over his lips, and the gentle touch made her shiver and laugh. She buried her face in his clothes, breathing in those powerful scents of the countryside that had always captivated her.
“What have you been doing to-day, my dearest?”
“What have you been up to today, my dearest?”
“Oh, there’s nothing much going on the farm just now. We’ve just been ploughing and root-carting.”
“Oh, there’s not much happening on the farm right now. We’ve just been plowing and hauling roots.”
It enchanted her to receive information on agricultural subjects, and she could have listened to him for hours. Every word that Edward spoke was charming and original Bertha never took her eyes off him; she loved to see him speak, and often scarcely listened to what he said, merely watching the play of his expression. It puzzled him sometimes to catch her smile of intense happiness, when he was discussing the bush-drainage, for instance, of some field. However, she really took a deep interest in all his stock, and never failed to inquire after a bullock that was indisposed; it pleased her to think of the strong man among his beasts, and the thought gave a tautness to her own muscles. She determined to learn riding and tennis and golf, so that she might accompany him in his amusements; her own attainments seemed unnecessary and even humiliating. Looking at Edward Craddock she realised that man was indeed the lord of creation. She saw him striding over his fields with long steps, ordering his labourers here and there, able to direct their operations, fearless, brave, and free. It was astonishing how many excellent traits she derived from examination of his profile.
It thrilled her to get information on farming topics, and she could have listened to him for hours. Every word Edward said was charming and unique. Bertha never took her eyes off him; she loved to watch him talk and often hardly paid attention to what he was saying, just captivated by his expressions. It sometimes confused him when he caught her smiling with sheer happiness while he was discussing the bush drainage of some field. Still, she genuinely cared about all his livestock and never missed asking about a sick bullock; it made her happy to think of the strong man among his animals, and it tightened her own muscles. She decided to learn how to ride, play tennis, and golf so she could join him in his activities; her own skills felt pointless and even embarrassing. Looking at Edward Craddock, she realized that men truly were the lords of creation. She watched him striding confidently over his fields, directing his workers here and there, confident, brave, and free. It was amazing how many admirable qualities she noticed just by studying his profile.
Then, talking of the men he employed, she could imagine no felicity greater than to have such a master.
Then, when she thought about the men he worked with, she couldn't imagine any happiness greater than having such a boss.
“I should like to be a milkmaid on your farm,” she said.
“I would like to be a milkmaid on your farm,” she said.
“I don’t keep milkmaids,” he replied. “I have a milkman; it’s more useful.”
“I don’t employ milkmaids,” he replied. “I have a milkman; it’s more practical.”
“You dear old thing,” she cried. “How matter of fact you are!”
“You sweet old thing,” she exclaimed. “You’re so practical!”
She caught hold of his hands and looked at them.
She grabbed his hands and stared at them.
“I’m rather frightened of you, sometimes,” she said, laughing. “You’re so strong. I feel so utterly weak and helpless beside you.”
“I’m kind of scared of you sometimes,” she said with a laugh. “You’re so strong. I feel completely weak and helpless next to you.”
“Are you afraid I shall beat you?”
“Are you scared I’m going to hit you?”
She looked up at him and then down at the strong hands.
She glanced up at him and then down at his strong hands.
“I don’t think I should mind if you did. I think I should only love you more.”
“I don’t think I’d mind if you did. I think I’d only love you more.”
He burst out laughing and kissed her.
He laughed out loud and kissed her.
“I’m not joking,” she said. “I understand now those women who love beasts of men. They say that some wives will stand anything from their husbands; they love them all the more because they’re brutal. I think I’m like that; but I’ve never seen you in a passion, Eddie. What are you like when you’re angry?”
“I’m not joking,” she said. “I get it now, those women who love tough guys. They say that some wives will put up with anything from their husbands; they love them even more because they can be rough. I think I’m like that, but I’ve never seen you really angry, Eddie. What are you like when you get mad?”
“I never am angry.”
“I'm never angry.”
“Miss Glover told me that you had the best temper in the world. I’m terrified at all these perfections.”
“Miss Glover said you have the best temperament ever. I’m really scared of all these great qualities.”
“Don’t expect too much from me, Bertha. I’m not a model man, you know.”
“Don’t expect too much from me, Bertha. I’m not exactly a perfect guy, you know.”
Of course she kissed him when he made remarks of such absurd modesty.
Of course she kissed him when he made comments like that with such ridiculous humility.
“I’m very pleased,” she answered; “I don’t want perfection. Of course you’ve got faults, though I can’t see them yet. But when I do, I know I shall only love you better. When a woman loves an ugly man, they say the ugliness only makes him more attractive and I shall love your faults as I love everything that is yours.”
“I’m really happy,” she replied; “I don’t want perfection. Sure, you have flaws, but I can’t see them yet. But when I do, I know I’ll just love you more. When a woman loves an unattractive guy, they say that his flaws only make him more appealing, and I will love your faults just like I love everything that’s part of you.”
They sat for a while without speaking, and the silence was even more entrancing than the speech. Bertha wished she could remain thus for ever, resting in his arms. She forgot that soon Craddock would develop a healthy appetite and demolish a substantial dinner.
They sat quietly for a while, and the silence felt even more captivating than talking. Bertha wished she could stay like this forever, resting in his arms. She forgot that soon Craddock would get hungry and eat a big dinner.
“Let me look at your hands,” she said.
“Let me see your hands,” she said.
She loved them too. They were large and roughly made, hard with work and exposure, ten times pleasanter, she thought, than the soft hands of the townsman. She felt them firm and intensely masculine. They reminded her of a hand in an Italian Museum, sculptured in porphyry, but for some reason left unfinished; and the lack of detail gave the same impression of massive strength. His hands, too, might have been those of a demi-god or of an hero. She stretched out the long, strong fingers. Craddock, knowing her very little, looked with wonder and amusement. She caught his glance, and with a smile bent down to kiss the upturned palms. She wanted to abase herself before the strong man, to be low and humble before him. She would have been his handmaiden, and nothing could have satisfied her so much as to perform for him the most menial services. She knew not how to show the immensity of her passion.
She loved them too. They were large and roughly made, tough from work and exposure, ten times nicer, she thought, than the soft hands of a city dweller. She felt they were strong and deeply masculine. They reminded her of a hand in an Italian museum, sculpted in porphyry, but for some reason left unfinished; and the lack of detail gave off the same vibe of massive strength. His hands could have belonged to a demigod or a hero. She stretched out the long, strong fingers. Craddock, knowing her very little, looked on with wonder and amusement. She caught his glance, and with a smile, bent down to kiss the upturned palms. She wanted to lower herself before the strong man, to be humble and submissive to him. She would have been his handmaiden, and nothing would have made her happier than to perform for him the simplest tasks. She didn’t know how to express the depth of her passion.
It pleased Bertha to walk into Blackstable with her lover and to catch the people’s stares, knowing how much the marriage interested them. What did she care if they were surprised at her choosing Edward Craddock, whom they had known all his life? She was proud of him, proud to be his wife.
It made Bertha happy to walk into Blackstable with her boyfriend and to feel the people’s eyes on them, knowing how much they were intrigued by their marriage. What did she care if they were surprised by her choice of Edward Craddock, whom they had known forever? She was proud of him, proud to be his wife.
One day, when it was very warm for the time of year, she was resting on a stile, while Craddock stood by her side. They did not speak, but looked at one another in ecstatic happiness.
One day, when it was unusually warm for this time of year, she was resting on a stile, while Craddock stood next to her. They didn't say anything but just looked at each other in pure happiness.
“Look,” said Craddock, suddenly. “There’s Arthur Branderton.”
“Look,” Craddock said suddenly. “There’s Arthur Branderton.”
He glanced at Bertha, then from side to side uneasily, as if he wished to avoid a meeting.
He glanced at Bertha, then looked around nervously, as if he wanted to avoid running into someone.
“He’s been away, hasn’t he?” asked Bertha. “I wanted to meet him.” She was quite willing that all the world should see them. “Good afternoon, Arthur!” she called out, as the youth approached.
“He's been away, right?” asked Bertha. “I wanted to meet him.” She was more than happy for everyone to see them. “Good afternoon, Arthur!” she shouted as the young man walked over.
“Oh! is it you, Bertha? Hulloa, Craddock!” He looked at Edward, wondering what he did there with Miss Ley.
“Oh! Is it you, Bertha? Hey, Craddock!” He glanced at Edward, curious about what he was doing there with Miss Ley.
“We’ve just been walking into Leanham, and I was tired.”
“We were just walking into Leanham, and I was tired.”
“Oh!” Young Branderton thought it queer that Bertha should take walks with Craddock.
“Oh!” Young Branderton thought it strange that Bertha would take walks with Craddock.
Bertha burst out laughing. “Oh, he doesn’t know, Edward! He’s the only person in the county who hasn’t heard the news.”
Bertha laughed out loud. “Oh, he doesn’t have a clue, Edward! He’s the only one in the county who hasn’t heard the news.”
“What news?” asked Branderton. “I’ve been in Yorkshire for the last week at my brother-in-law’s.”
“What’s the news?” asked Branderton. “I’ve been in Yorkshire for the past week at my brother-in-law’s.”
“Mr. Craddock and I are going to be married.”
“Mr. Craddock and I are getting married.”
“Are you, by Jove!” cried Branderton; he looked at Craddock and then, awkwardly, offered his congratulations. They could not help seeing his astonishment, and Craddock flushed, knowing it due to the fact that Bertha had consented to marry a penniless beggar like himself, a man of no family. “I hope you’ll invite me to the wedding,” said the young man to cover his confusion. “Oh, it’s going to be very quiet—there will only be ourselves, Dr. Ramsay, my aunt, and Edward’s best man.”
“Are you serious?!” exclaimed Branderton; he glanced at Craddock and then, awkwardly, offered his congratulations. They couldn’t help but notice his shock, and Craddock turned red, realizing it was because Bertha had agreed to marry a broke nobody like him, a man without any family background. “I hope you’ll invite me to the wedding,” the young man said to hide his embarrassment. “Oh, it’s going to be very low-key—just us, Dr. Ramsay, my aunt, and Edward’s best man.”
“Then mayn’t I come?” asked Branderton.
“Then can't I come?” asked Branderton.
Bertha looked quickly at Edward; it had caused her some uneasiness to think that he might be supported by a person of no great consequence in the place. After all she was Miss Ley; and she had already discovered that some of her lover’s friends were not too desirable. Chance offered her means of surmounting the difficulty.
Bertha glanced quickly at Edward; it made her a bit uneasy to think that he might be backed by someone insignificant in the community. After all, she was Miss Ley; and she had already realized that some of her lover’s friends weren’t exactly ideal. Chance provided her with a way to overcome the issue.
“I’m afraid it’s impossible,” she said, in answer to Branderton’s appeal, “unless you can get Edward to offer you the important post of best man.”
“I’m afraid it’s impossible,” she said in response to Branderton’s request, “unless you can get Edward to make you the important role of best man.”
She succeeded in making the pair thoroughly uncomfortable. Branderton had no great wish to perform that office for Edward—“of course, Craddock is a very good fellow, and a fine sportsman, but not the sort of chap you’d expect a girl like Bertha Ley to marry.” And Edward, understanding the younger man’s feelings, was silent.
She definitely made them both really uncomfortable. Branderton didn’t have much desire to support Edward in that moment—“Sure, Craddock is a great guy and a good sportsman, but he’s not the kind of guy you’d think a girl like Bertha Ley would marry.” And Edward, knowing how the younger man felt, stayed quiet.
But Branderton had some knowledge of polite society, and broke the momentary pause.
But Branderton knew a bit about polite society and broke the brief silence.
“Who is going to be your best man, Craddock?” he asked; he could do nothing else.
“Who’s going to be your best man, Craddock?” he asked; he couldn't do anything else.
“I don’t know—I haven’t thought of it.”
“I don’t know—I haven’t really considered it.”
But Branderton, catching Bertha’s eye, suddenly understood her desire and the reason of it.
But Branderton, catching Bertha’s eye, suddenly realized what she wanted and why.
“Won’t you have me?” he said quickly. “I dare say you’ll find me intelligent enough to learn the duties.”
“Will you take me?” he said quickly. “I bet you’ll find me smart enough to learn the tasks.”
“I should like it very much,” answered Craddock. “It’s very good of you.”
“I’d really like that,” Craddock replied. “That’s really nice of you.”
Branderton looked at Bertha, and she smiled her thanks; he saw she was pleased.
Branderton looked at Bertha, and she smiled in appreciation; he could see she was happy.
“Where are you going for your honeymoon?” he asked now, to make conversation.
“Where are you going for your honeymoon?” he asked now, just to keep the conversation going.
“I don’t know,” answered Craddock. “We’ve hardly had time to think of it yet.”
“I don’t know,” Craddock replied. “We barely had time to consider it yet.”
“You certainly are very vague in all your plans.”
"You really are quite unclear in all your plans."
“Have you really not thought of our honeymoon, foolish boy?” asked Bertha.
“Have you seriously not thought about our honeymoon, you silly boy?” asked Bertha.
“No!”
"No way!"
“Well, I have. I’ve made up my mind and settled it all. We’re going to Italy, and I mean to show you Florence and Pisa and Siena. It’ll be simply heavenly. We won’t go to Venice, because it’s too sentimental; self-respecting people can’t make love in gondolas at the end of the nineteenth century.... Oh, I long to be with you in the South, beneath the blue sky and the countless stars of night.”
“Well, I have. I’ve decided and figured it all out. We’re going to Italy, and I plan to show you Florence, Pisa, and Siena. It’ll be absolutely amazing. We won’t go to Venice because it feels too sentimental; self-respecting people can’t romance in gondolas at the end of the nineteenth century... Oh, I can’t wait to be with you in the South, under the blue sky and the countless stars at night.”
“I’ve never been abroad before,” he said, without much enthusiasm.
“I’ve never been overseas before,” he said, without much excitement.
But her fire was quite enough for two. “I know, I shall have the pleasure of unfolding it all to you. I shall enjoy it more than I ever have before; it’ll be so new to you. And we can stay six months if we like.”
But her enthusiasm was definitely enough for two. “I know, I’ll get to share everything with you. I’ll enjoy it more than ever before; it’ll be so fresh for you. And we can stick around for six months if we want.”
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly,” he cried. “Think of the farm.”
“Oh, I can’t do that,” he exclaimed. “Consider the farm.”
“Oh, bother the farm. It’s our honeymoon, Sposo mio.”
“Oh, forget about the farm. It’s our honeymoon, Sposo mio.”
“I don’t think I could possibly stay away more than a fortnight.”
“I don’t think I could possibly stay away for more than two weeks.”
“What nonsense! We can’t go to Italy for a fortnight. The farm can get on without you.”
“What nonsense! We can’t go to Italy for two weeks. The farm will be fine without you.”
“And in January and February too, when all the lambing is coming on.”
“And in January and February as well, when all the lambs are being born.”
He did not want to distress Bertha, but really half his lambs would die if he were not there to superintend their entrance into this wicked world.
He didn't want to upset Bertha, but honestly, half of his lambs would die if he wasn't there to oversee their entry into this cruel world.
“But you must go,” said Bertha. “I’ve set my heart upon it.”
“But you have to go,” said Bertha. “I really want you to.”
He looked down for a while, rather unhappily.
He looked down for a bit, feeling pretty unhappy.
“Wouldn’t a month do?” he asked. “I’ll do anything you really want, Bertha.”
“Wouldn’t a month work?” he asked. “I’ll do whatever you really want, Bertha.”
But his obvious dislike to the suggestion cut Bertha’s heart. She was only inclined to be stubborn when she saw he might resist her; and his first word of surrender made her veer round penitently.
But his obvious dislike for the suggestion broke Bertha’s heart. She only felt stubborn when she sensed he might resist her; and his first word of giving in made her turn around regretfully.
“Oh, but you won’t like that.”
“Oh, but you’re not going to like that.”
“Of course I shall. I like everything you like. D’you think I care where we go so long as I’m with you?... You’re not angry with me, darling, are you?”
“Of course I will. I like everything you like. Do you think I care where we go as long as I’m with you?... You’re not mad at me, are you, babe?”
Mr. Craddock was good enough to intimate that he was not.
Mr. Craddock kindly suggested that he wasn’t.
Miss Ley, much against her will, had been driven by Miss Glover into working for some charitable institution, and was knitting babies’ socks (as the smallest garments she could make) when Bertha told her of the altered plan: she dropped a stitch! Miss Ley was too wise to say anything, but she wondered if the world were coming to an end; Bertha’s schemes were shattered like brittle glass, and she really seemed delighted. A month ago opposition would have made Bertha traverse seas and scale precipices rather than abandon an idea that she had got into her head. Verily, love is a prestidigitator who can change the lion into the lamb as easily as a handkerchief into a flower-pot! Miss Ley began to admire Edward Craddock.
Miss Ley, much to her displeasure, had been pushed by Miss Glover into working for a charity, and was knitting baby socks (the smallest items she could make) when Bertha informed her of the change in plans: she dropped a stitch! Miss Ley was too prudent to say anything, but she couldn't help but wonder if the world was ending; Bertha’s plans were shattered like fragile glass, and she genuinely seemed thrilled. A month ago, any opposition would have made Bertha go to great lengths rather than let go of an idea she was fixated on. Truly, love is a magician that can transform a lion into a lamb just as easily as a handkerchief into a flower pot! Miss Ley began to admire Edward Craddock.
He, on his way home after leaving Bertha, was met by the Vicar of Leanham. Mr. Glover was a tall man, angular, fair, thin and red-cheeked—a somewhat feminine edition of his sister, but smelling in the most remarkable fashion of antiseptics; Miss Ley vowed he peppered his clothes with iodoform, and bathed daily in carbolic acid. He was strenuous and charitable, hated a Dissenter, and was over forty.
He was on his way home after leaving Bertha when he ran into the Vicar of Leanham. Mr. Glover was a tall, thin man with an angular build, fair hair, and red cheeks—kind of a more feminine version of his sister, but he had a very strong smell of antiseptics. Miss Ley swore he sprinkled his clothes with iodoform and took a daily bath in carbolic acid. He was energetic and generous, disliked anyone who wasn’t part of the established church, and was over forty.
“Ah, Craddock, I wanted to see you.”
“Hey, Craddock, I wanted to see you.”
“Not about the banns, Vicar, is it? We’re going to be married by special license.”
“It's not about the banns, Vicar, right? We're getting married with a special license.”
Like many countrymen, Edward saw something funny in the clergy—one should not grudge it them, for it is the only jest in their lives—and he was given to treating the parson with more humour than he used in the other affairs of this world. The Vicar laughed; it is one of the best traits of the country clergy that they are willing to be amused with their parishioners’ jocosity.
Like many people in the countryside, Edward found something amusing about the clergy— and who can blame them? It’s the only humor they get in their lives—and he tended to treat the parson with more lightheartedness than he did in other aspects of life. The Vicar chuckled; one of the great things about country clergy is that they are open to being entertained by their parishioners’ jokes.
“The marriage is all settled then? You’re a very lucky young man.”
“The wedding is all set then? You’re a really lucky guy.”
Craddock put his arm through Mr. Glover’s with the unconscious friendliness that had gained him an hundred friends. “Yes, I am lucky,” he said. “I know you people think it rather queer that Bertha and I should get married, but we’re very much attached to one another, and I mean to do my best by her. You know I’ve never racketed about, Vicar, don’t you?”
Craddock linked his arm with Mr. Glover’s in the easygoing way that had earned him many friends. “Yeah, I’m lucky,” he said. “I know you guys think it’s a bit strange that Bertha and I are getting married, but we really care about each other, and I intend to do right by her. You know I’ve never been one to cause trouble, Vicar, right?”
“Yes, my boy,” said the Vicar, touched at Edward’s confidence. “Every one knows you’re steady enough.”
“Yes, my boy,” said the Vicar, moved by Edward’s trust. “Everyone knows you’re reliable enough.”
“Of course, she could have found men of much better social position than mine—but I’ll try to make her happy. And I’ve got nothing to hide from her as some men have; I go to her almost as straight as she comes to me.”
“Sure, she could have found guys with much better social status than me—but I’ll do my best to make her happy. And I’ve got nothing to hide from her like some guys do; I go to her as honestly as she comes to me.”
“That is a very fortunate thing to be able to say.”
“That is very fortunate to be able to say.”
“I have never loved another woman in my life, and as for the rest—well, of course, I’m young and I’ve been up to town sometimes; but I always hated and loathed it. And the country and the hard work keep one pretty clear of anything nasty.”
“I have never loved another woman in my life, and as for everything else—well, I’m young and I’ve been to town sometimes; but I always hated and despised it. The countryside and hard work keep me pretty clear of anything unpleasant.”
“I’m very glad to hear you say that,” answered Mr. Glover. “I hope you’ll be happy, and I think you will.”
“I’m really glad to hear you say that,” Mr. Glover replied. “I hope you’re happy, and I think you will be.”
The Vicar felt a slight pricking of conscience, for at first his sister and himself had called the match a mésalliance (they pronounced the word vilely), and not till they learned it was inevitable did they begin to see that their attitude was a little wanting in charity. The two men shook hands.
The Vicar felt a little pang of guilt because, at first, his sister and he had called the match a mésalliance (they pronounced it horribly), and not until they realized it was unavoidable did they start to understand that their attitude was somewhat lacking in kindness. The two men shook hands.
Chapter VII
EXACTLY one month after her twenty-first birthday, as Bertha had announced, the marriage took place; and the young couple started off to spend their honeymoon in London. Bertha, knowing she would not read, took with her notwithstanding a book, to wit the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius; and Edward, thinking that railway journeys were always tedious, bought for the occasion The Mystery of the Six-fingered Woman, the title of which attracted him. He was determined not to be bored, for, not content with his novel, he purchased at the station a Sporting Times.
EXACTLY one month after her twenty-first birthday, as Bertha had announced, the wedding happened; and the young couple set off to spend their honeymoon in London. Bertha, knowing she wouldn’t read, still took a book with her, namely the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius; and Edward, thinking that train trips were always boring, picked up The Mystery of the Six-fingered Woman for the occasion, drawn in by the title. He was determined not to be bored, so, not satisfied with his novel, he also bought a Sporting Times at the station.
“Oh,” said Bertha, when the train had started, heaving a great sigh of relief, “I’m so glad to be alone with you at last. Now we shan’t have anybody to worry us, and no one can separate us, and we shall be together for the rest of our lives.”
“Oh,” said Bertha, as the train started, letting out a big sigh of relief, “I’m so happy to finally be alone with you. Now we won’t have anyone bothering us, and no one can take us apart, and we’ll be together for the rest of our lives.”
Craddock put down the newspaper, which, from force of habit, he had opened after settling himself in his seat.
Craddock set down the newspaper, which, out of habit, he had opened after getting comfortable in his seat.
“I’m glad to have the ceremony over too.”
“I’m glad the ceremony is finally done too.”
“D’you know,” she said, “I was terrified on the way to church; it occurred to me that you might not be there—that you might have changed your mind and fled.”
“Do you know,” she said, “I was really scared on the way to church; it crossed my mind that you might not be there—that you might have changed your mind and left.”
He laughed. “Why on earth should I change my mind? That’s a thing I never do.”
He laughed. “Why on earth would I change my mind? That’s something I never do.”
“Oh, I can’t sit solemnly opposite you as if we’d been married a century. Make room for me, boy.”
“Oh, I can't just sit here all serious like we've been married forever. Make some space for me, kid.”
She came over to his side and nestled close to him.
She moved over to his side and snuggled up next to him.
“Tell me you love me,” she whispered.
“Tell me you love me,” she said softly.
“I love you very much.”
“I love you so much.”
He bent down and kissed his wife, then putting his arm around her waist drew her nearer to him. He was a little nervous, he would not really have been very sorry if some officious person had disregarded the engaged on the carriage and entered. He felt scarcely at home with Bertha, and was still bewildered by his change of fortune; there was, indeed, a vast difference between Court Leys and Bewlie’s Farm.
He bent down and kissed his wife, then wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He felt a bit nervous and wouldn't have been too upset if some nosy person had ignored the engaged sign on the carriage and come in. He hardly felt at ease with Bertha and was still confused by his sudden change in fortune; there was definitely a huge difference between Court Leys and Bewlie’s Farm.
“I’m so happy,” said Bertha. “Sometimes I’m afraid.... D’you think it can last, d’you think we shall always be as happy? I’ve got everything I want in the world, and I’m absolutely and completely content.” She was silent for a minute, caressing his hands. “You will always love me, Eddie, won’t you—even when I’m old and horrible?”
“I’m so happy,” said Bertha. “Sometimes I’m scared.... Do you think this can last? Do you think we’ll always be this happy? I have everything I want in the world, and I’m absolutely and completely content.” She was silent for a minute, gently holding his hands. “You’ll always love me, Eddie, right? Even when I’m old and not attractive?”
“I’m not the sort of chap to alter.”
“I’m not the type of guy to change.”
“Oh, you don’t know how I adore you,” she cried passionately. “My love will never alter, it is too strong. To the end of my days I shall always love you with all my heart. I wish I could tell you what I feel.”
“Oh, you don’t know how much I adore you,” she said passionately. “My love will never change; it’s too strong. For the rest of my life, I will always love you with all my heart. I wish I could express what I feel.”
Of late the English language had seemed quite incompetent for the expression of her manifold emotions.
Lately, the English language has felt inadequate for expressing her many emotions.
They went to a far more expensive hotel than they could afford. Craddock had prudently suggested something less extravagant, but Bertha would not hear of it; as Miss Ley she had been unused to the second-rate, and she was too proud of her new name to take it to any but the best hotel in London.
They went to a hotel that was way more expensive than they could afford. Craddock sensibly suggested something less fancy, but Bertha wouldn’t listen; as Miss Ley, she was not used to anything second-rate, and she was too proud of her new name to stay anywhere other than the best hotel in London.
The more Bertha saw of her husband’s mind, the more it delighted her. She loved the simplicity and the naturalness of the man; she cast off like a tattered silken cloak the sentiments with which for years she had lived, and robed herself in the sturdy homespun which so well suited her lord and master. It was charming to see his naïve enjoyment of everything. To him all was fresh and novel; he would explode with laughter at the comic papers, and in the dailies continually find observations which struck him for their profound originality. He was the unspoiled child of nature; his mind free from the million perversities of civilisation. To know him was in Bertha’s opinion an education in all the goodness and purity, the strength and virtue of the Englishman!
The more Bertha learned about her husband’s mind, the more it filled her with joy. She appreciated his simplicity and naturalness; she shed the worn-out ideas she had clung to for years and embraced the solid, down-to-earth qualities that suited her husband perfectly. It was delightful to witness his innocent enjoyment of everything. To him, everything felt new and exciting; he would burst into laughter at the funny papers and constantly find comments in the newspapers that amazed him with their originality. He was the untouched child of nature, his mind clear of the countless complications of civilization. Knowing him was, in Bertha's view, a lesson in all the goodness and purity, the strength and virtue of the Englishman!
They went often to the theatre, and it pleased Bertha to watch her husband’s simple enjoyment. The pathetic passages of a melodrama, which made Bertha’s lips curl with semi-amused contempt, moved him to facile tears; and in the darkness he held her hand to comfort her, imagining that his wife enjoyed the same emotions as himself. Ah, she wished she could; she hated the education of foreign countries, which, in the study of pictures and palaces and strange peoples, had released her mind from its prison of darkness, yet had destroyed half her illusions; now she would far rather have retained the plain and unadorned illiteracy, the ingenuous ignorance of the typical and creamy English girl. What is the use of knowledge? Blessed are the poor in spirit: all that a woman really wants is purity and goodness, and perhaps a certain acquaintance with plain cooking.
They often went to the theater, and Bertha enjoyed watching her husband’s simple pleasure. The sad scenes of a melodrama, which made Bertha curl her lips in semi-amused contempt, brought him to easy tears; and in the dark, he held her hand to comfort her, thinking that his wife felt the same emotions as he did. Ah, she wished she could; she disliked the education from foreign countries, which, in studying art, architecture, and unfamiliar cultures, had freed her mind from its dark confinement but had also shattered half her illusions; now she would much rather have kept the straightforward and unrefined ignorance typical of an ordinary English girl. What’s the point of knowledge? Blessed are the poor in spirit: all a woman really wants is purity and goodness, and maybe some basic cooking skills.
But the lovers, the injured heroine and the wrongly suspected hero, had bidden one another a heartrending good-bye, and the curtain descended to rapturous applause. Edward cleared his throat and blew his nose.
But the lovers, the hurt heroine and the wrongly accused hero, had said a heartbreaking goodbye to each other, and the curtain fell to enthusiastic applause. Edward cleared his throat and blew his nose.
“Isn’t it splendid?” he said, turning to his wife.
“Isn’t it great?” he said, turning to his wife.
“You dear thing!” she whispered.
"You sweet thing!" she whispered.
It touched her to see how deeply he felt it all. How clean and big and simple and good must be his heart! She loved him ten times more because his emotions were easily aroused. Ah yes, she abhorred the cold cynicism of the worldly-wise who sneer at the burning tears of the simple minded.
It moved her to see how deeply he felt everything. How pure, big, simple, and good his heart must be! She loved him ten times more because he was so easily moved. Ah yes, she hated the cold cynicism of those who are worldly wise and mock the passionate tears of the innocent.
The curtain rose on the next act, and in his eagerness to see what was about to happen, Edward immediately ceased to listen to what Bertha was in the middle of saying, and gave himself over to the play. The feelings of the audience having been sufficiently harrowed, the comic relief was turned on. The funny man made jokes about various articles of clothing, tumbling over tables and chairs; and it charmed Bertha again to see her husband’s open-hearted hilarity. It tickled her immensely to hear his peals of unrestrained laughter; he put his head back, and, with his hands to his sides, simply roared.
The curtain went up on the next act, and eager to see what would happen next, Edward quickly stopped paying attention to what Bertha was saying and got lost in the play. After the audience’s emotions had been enough to handle, the comedic relief kicked in. The comedian cracked jokes about different pieces of clothing, stumbling over tables and chairs, which made Bertha smile again as she watched her husband’s genuine laughter. It amused her greatly to hear his loud, carefree laughter; he leaned back, hands on his sides, and just roared.
“He has a charming character,” she thought.
“He has a great personality,” she thought.
Craddock had the strictest notions of morality, and absolutely refused to take his wife to a music-hall; Bertha had seen abroad many sights, the like of which Edward did not dream, but she respected his innocence. It pleased her to see the firmness with which he upheld his principles, and it somewhat amused her to be treated like a little schoolgirl. They went to all the theatres; Edward, on his rare visits to London, had done his sightseeing economically, and the purchase of stalls, the getting into dress-clothes, were new sensations which caused him great pleasure. Bertha liked to see her husband in evening dress; the black suited his florid style, and the white shirt with a high collar threw up his sunburnt, weather-beaten face. He looked strong above all things, and manly; and he was her husband, never to be parted from her except by death: she adored him.
Craddock had the strictest ideas about morality and completely refused to take his wife to a music hall. Bertha had seen many things abroad that Edward couldn't even imagine, but she respected his innocence. It made her happy to see how firmly he stood by his principles, and it amused her to be treated like a little schoolgirl. They went to all the theaters; Edward, on his rare visits to London, had done his sightseeing thriftily, and buying tickets for good seats and getting into formal wear were fresh experiences that brought him great joy. Bertha enjoyed seeing her husband in evening attire; the black suited his robust style, and the white shirt with a high collar accentuated his sun-kissed, weathered face. He looked strong and masculine above all else, and he was her husband, destined to be with her until death separated them: she adored him.
Craddock’s interest in the stage was unflagging; he always wanted to know what was going to happen, and he was able to follow with the closest attention even the incomprehensible plot of a musical comedy. Nothing bored him. Even the most ingenuous find a little cloying the humours and the harmonies of a Gaiety burlesque; they are like toffee and butterscotch, delicacies for which we cannot understand our youthful craving. Bertha had learnt something of music in lands where it is cultivated as a pleasure rather than as a duty, and the popular melodies with obvious refrains sent cold shivers down her back; but they stirred Craddock to the depths of his soul. He beat time to the swinging, vulgar tunes, and his face was transfigured when the band played a patriotic march with a great braying of brass and beating of drums. He whistled and hummed it for days afterwards. “I love music,” he told Bertha in the entracte. “Don’t you?”
Craddock’s passion for the stage was relentless; he always wanted to know what was coming next, and he could closely follow even the most confusing plot of a musical comedy. Nothing bored him. Even the most naive find the jokes and melodies of a Gaiety burlesque a bit too sweet; they are like toffee and butterscotch, treats for which we can't quite grasp our youthful craving. Bertha had learned something about music in places where it's enjoyed as a pleasure rather than a chore, and the popular tunes with catchy refrains gave her cold shivers; but they moved Craddock deeply. He swayed to the upbeat, unrefined songs, and his face lit up when the band played a patriotic march with loud brass and booming drums. He whistled and hummed it for days afterward. “I love music,” he told Bertha during the entracte. “Don’t you?”
With a tender smile she confessed she did, and for fear of hurting Edward’s feelings did not suggest that the music in question made her almost vomit. What mattered it if his taste in that respect were not beyond reproach; after all there was something to be said for the honest, homely melodies that touched the people’s heart. It is only by a convention that the Pastoral Symphony is thought better art than Tarara-boom-deay. Perhaps, in two or three hundred years, when everything is done by electricity and every one is equal, when we are all happy socialists, with good educations and better morals, Beethoven’s complexity will be like a mass of wickedness, and only the plain, honest homeliness of the comic song will appeal to our simple feelings.
With a gentle smile, she admitted that she did, and to avoid hurting Edward's feelings, she didn’t mention that the music in question almost made her sick. It didn’t really matter if his taste was questionable; after all, there was something meaningful about the simple, heartfelt melodies that resonated with people. It’s just a convention that the Pastoral Symphony is considered better art than Tarara-boom-deay. Maybe in two or three hundred years, when everything is run by electricity and everyone is equal, when we’re all happy socialists with good educations and better morals, Beethoven’s complexity will seem like a form of wickedness, and only the straightforward, genuine charm of the comic song will touch our simple emotions.
“When we get home,” said Craddock, “I want you to play to me; I’m so fond of it.”
“When we get home,” said Craddock, “I want you to play for me; I love it so much.”
“I shall love to,” she murmured. She thought of the long winter evenings which they would spend at the piano, her husband by her side to turn the leaves, while to his astonished ears she unfolded the manifold riches of the great composers. She was convinced that his taste was really excellent.
“I would love to,” she murmured. She imagined the long winter evenings they would spend at the piano, her husband by her side to turn the pages, while she revealed the diverse treasures of the great composers to his amazed ears. She was sure that his taste was truly excellent.
“I have lots of music that my mother used to play,” he said. “By Jove, I shall like to hear it again—some of those old tunes I can never hear often enough—The Last Rose of Summer, and Home, Sweet Home, and a lot more like that.”
“I have a ton of music that my mom used to play,” he said. “Wow, I’d love to hear it again—some of those old songs I can never get enough of—The Last Rose of Summer, and Home, Sweet Home, and a bunch more like that.”
“By Jove, that show was ripping,” said Craddock, when they were having supper; “I should like to see it again before we go back.”
“Wow, that show was incredible,” said Craddock, while they were having dinner; “I’d love to see it again before we head back.”
“We’ll do whatever you like, my dearest.”
“We’ll do anything you want, my love.”
“I think an evening like that does you good. It bucks me up; doesn’t it you?”
“I think an evening like that is good for you. It lifts my spirits; doesn’t it for you?”
“It does me good to see you amused,” replied Bertha, diplomatically.
“It makes me happy to see you having fun,” replied Bertha, diplomatically.
The performance had appeared to her vulgar, but in the face of her husband’s enthusiasm she could only accuse herself of a ridiculous squeamishness. Why should she set herself up as a judge of these things? Was it not somewhat vulgar to find vulgarity in what gave such pleasure to the unsophisticated? She was like the nouveau riche who is distressed at the universal lack of gentility; but she was tired of analysis and subtlety, and all the concomitants of decadent civilisation.
The performance had seemed vulgar to her, but seeing her husband's excitement, she could only blame herself for her silly sensitivity. Why should she put herself in the position of judging these things? Wasn’t it kind of narrow-minded to see vulgarity in something that brought so much joy to those who didn’t have refined tastes? She felt like the nouveau riche who is upset by the overall absence of sophistication; but she was weary of overthinking and complexities, along with everything that comes with a decaying society.
“For goodness’s sake,” she thought, “let us be simple and easily amused.”
“For goodness’ sake,” she thought, “let us be straightforward and easily entertained.”
She remembered the four young ladies who had appeared in flesh-coloured tights and nothing else worth mentioning, and danced a singularly ungraceful jig, which the audience, in its delight, had insisted on having twice repeated.
She recalled the four young women who had shown up in nude-colored tights and nothing else worth noting, and performed a particularly clumsy dance, which the audience, in their excitement, insisted on seeing twice more.
With no business to do and no friends to visit, there is some difficulty in knowing how to spend one’s time in London. Bertha would have been content to sit all day with Edward in the private sitting-room, contemplating him and her extreme felicity. But Craddock had the fine energy of the Anglo-Saxon race, that desire to be always doing something which has made the English athletes, and missionaries, and members of Parliament.
With no work to do and no friends to see, it can be tricky figuring out how to pass the time in London. Bertha would have been happy just sitting all day with Edward in the private sitting room, watching him and enjoying her immense happiness. But Craddock had the lively drive of the Anglo-Saxon spirit, that urge to always be doing something, which has shaped English athletes, missionaries, and MPs.
After his first mouthful of breakfast he invariably asked, “What shall we do to-day?” And Bertha ransacked her brain and a Baedeker to find sights to visit, for to treat London as a foreign town and systematically to explore it was their only resource. They went to the Tower of London and gaped at the crowns and sceptres, at the insignia of the various orders; to Westminster Abbey and joined the party of Americans and country folk who were being driven hither and thither by a black-robed verger; they visited the tombs of the kings and saw everything which it was their duty to see. Bertha developed a fine enthusiasm for the antiquities of London; she quite enjoyed the sensations of bovine ignorance with which the Cook’s tourist surrenders himself into the hands of a custodian, looking as he is told and swallowing with open mouth the most unreliable information. Feeling herself more stupid, Bertha was conscious of a closer connection with her fellow-men. Edward did not like all things in an equal degree; pictures bored him (they were the only things that really did), and their visit to the National Gallery was not a success. Neither did the British Museum meet with his approval; for one thing, he had great difficulty in directing Bertha’s attention so that her eyes should not wander to various naked statues which are exhibited there with no regard at all for the susceptibilities of modest persons. Once she stopped in front of a group that some shields and swords quite inadequately clothed, and remarked on their beauty. Edward looked about uneasily to see whether any one noticed them, and agreeing briefly that they were fine figures, moved rapidly away to some less questionable object.
After his first bite of breakfast, he always asked, “What are we doing today?” And Bertha rummaged through her mind and a Baedeker to figure out places to visit, as treating London like a foreign city and exploring it systematically was their only option. They went to the Tower of London and stared at the crowns and scepters, and the symbols of various orders; to Westminster Abbey, where they joined a group of Americans and country folk being guided around by a black-robed verger; they visited the tombs of the kings and saw everything they were supposed to see. Bertha developed a strong enthusiasm for London's historic sites; she enjoyed the blissful ignorance with which tourists surrendered themselves to a guide, nodding along and swallowing unreliable information. Feeling a bit less foolish, Bertha felt a stronger connection to her fellow humans. Edward didn’t find all things equally interesting; pictures bored him (they were the only things that really did), so their visit to the National Gallery was a bust. The British Museum didn’t impress him either; he struggled to direct Bertha’s attention away from various naked statues that were displayed without any regard for modesty. Once she stopped in front of a group that was inadequately clothed by shields and swords, commenting on their beauty. Edward looked around nervously to see if anyone noticed them, briefly agreed that they were nice figures, and quickly moved on to something less questionable.
“I can’t stand all this rot,” he said, when they stood opposite the three goddesses of the Parthenon; “I wouldn’t give twopence to come to this place again.”
“I can't stand all this nonsense,” he said, as they stood facing the three goddesses of the Parthenon; “I wouldn’t pay a dime to come to this place again.”
Bertha felt somewhat ashamed that she had a sneaking admiration for the statues in question.
Bertha felt a bit ashamed that she secretly admired the statues in question.
“Now tell me,” he said, “where is the beauty of those creatures without any heads?”
“Now tell me,” he said, “where is the beauty of those headless creatures?”
Bertha could not tell him, and he was triumphant. He was a dear, good boy and she loved him with all her heart!
Bertha couldn't tell him, and he felt victorious. He was such a sweet, kind guy, and she loved him wholeheartedly!
The Natural History Museum, on the other hand, aroused Craddock to great enthusiasm. Here he was quite at home; no improprieties were there from which he must keep his wife, and animals were the sort of things that any man could understand. But they brought back to him strongly the country of East Kent and the life which it pleased him most to lead. London was all very well, but he did not feel at home, and it was beginning to pall upon him. Bertha also began talking of home and of Court Leys; she had always lived more in the future than in the present, and even in this, the time of her greatest happiness, looked forward to the days to come at Leanham, when complete felicity would indeed be hers.
The Natural History Museum, on the other hand, sparked immense excitement in Craddock. He felt completely at ease here; there were no inappropriate things he needed to shield his wife from, and animals were something any man could relate to. But they also strongly reminded him of East Kent and the lifestyle he loved most. London was fine, but he didn’t feel at home there, and it was starting to wear on him. Bertha also started talking about home and Court Leys; she had always been more focused on the future than the present, and even now, in her happiest moments, she looked ahead to the days at Leanham, when true happiness would finally be hers.
She was contented enough now—it was only the eighth day of her married life, but she ardently wished to settle down and satisfy all her anticipations. They talked of the alterations they must make in the house, Craddock had already plans for putting the park in order, for taking over the Home Farm and working it himself.
“I wish we were home,” said Bertha. “I’m sick of London.”
“I wish we were home,” Bertha said. “I’m tired of London.”
“I don’t think I should mind much if we’d got to the end of our fortnight,” he replied.
“I don’t think I’d care too much if we made it to the end of our two weeks,” he replied.
Craddock had arranged with himself to stay in town fourteen days, and he could not alter his mind. It made him uncomfortable to change his plans and think out something new; he prided himself, moreover, on always doing the thing he had determined.
Craddock had decided he would stay in town for fourteen days, and he couldn't change his mind. It made him uneasy to alter his plans and come up with something new; he also took pride in always following through on what he had set out to do.
But a letter came from Miss Ley announcing that she had packed her trunks and was starting for the continent.
But a letter came from Miss Ley saying that she had packed her bags and was heading for the continent.
“Oughtn’t we to ask her to stay on?” said Craddock. “It seems a bit rough to turn her out so quickly.”
“Oughtn't we to ask her to stay?” said Craddock. “It seems a bit unfair to kick her out so quickly.”
“You don’t want to have her live with us, do you?” asked Bertha, in some dismay.
“You don’t want her to move in with us, do you?” asked Bertha, feeling a bit disheartened.
“No, rather not; but I don’t see why you should pack her off like a servant with a month’s notice.”
“No, I don’t think so; but I don’t understand why you should send her away like she’s a servant with a month’s notice.”
“Oh, I’ll ask her to stay,” said Bertha, anxious to obey her husband’s smallest wish; and obedience was easy, for she knew that Miss Ley would never dream of accepting the offer.
“Oh, I’ll ask her to stay,” said Bertha, eager to fulfill her husband’s slightest wish; and it was easy to comply, since she knew that Miss Ley would never consider accepting the offer.
Bertha wished to see no one just then, least of all her aunt, feeling confusedly that her bliss would be diminished by the intrusion of an actor in her old life. Her emotions also were too intense for concealment, and she would have been ashamed to display them to Miss Ley’s critical instinct. Bertha saw only discomfort in meeting the elder lady, with her calm irony and polite contempt for the things which on her husband’s account Bertha most sincerely cherished.
Bertha didn't want to see anyone at that moment, especially not her aunt, feeling uncertain that her happiness would be lessened by the presence of someone from her past. Her emotions were too intense to hide, and she would have felt embarrassed to show them to Miss Ley's sharp judgment. Bertha only sensed unease at the thought of meeting the older woman, with her calm sarcasm and polite disdain for the things Bertha cherished most because of her husband.
But Miss Ley’s reply showed perhaps that she guessed her niece’s thoughts better than Bertha had given her credit for.
But Miss Ley's response indicated that she might understand her niece's thoughts better than Bertha had realized.
My dearest Bertha,—I am much obliged to your husband for his politeness in asking me to stay at Court Leys; but I flatter myself you have too high an opinion of me to think me capable of accepting. Newly married people offer much matter for ridicule (which, they say, is the noblest characteristic of man, being the only one that distinguishes him from the brutes); but since I am a peculiarly self-denying creature, I do not avail-myself of the opportunity. Perhaps in a year you will have begun to see one another’s imperfections and then, though less amusing, you will be more interesting. No, I am going to Italy—to hurl myself once more into that sea of pensions and second-rate hotels, wherein it is the fate of single women, with moderate incomes, to spend their lives; and I am taking with me a Baedeker, so that if ever I am inclined to think myself less foolish than the average man I may look upon its red cover and remember that I am but human. By the way, I hope do not show your correspondence to your husband, least of all mine. A man can never understand a woman’s epistolary communications, for he reads them with his own simple alphabet of twenty-six letters, whereas he requires one of at least fifty-two; and even that is little. It is madness for a happy pair to pretend to have no secrets from one another: it leads them into so much deception. If, however, as I suspect, you think it your duty to show Edward this note of mine, he will perhaps find it not unuseful for the elucidation of my character, in the study of which I myself have spent many entertaining years.
My dearest Bertha,—I'm really grateful to your husband for inviting me to stay at Court Leys; however, I believe you think too highly of me to believe I would accept. Newly married couples often become a source of amusement (which they say is the best trait of humanity, setting us apart from animals); but since I'm a particularly self-denying person, I won’t take advantage of the offer. Perhaps in a year you will start to see each other’s flaws and then, although less entertaining, you’ll be more intriguing. No, I’m heading to Italy—to dive back into that sea of pensions and budget hotels, where single women with moderate incomes often spend their lives; and I’m bringing a Baedeker, so if I ever think I'm smarter than the average man, I can look at its red cover and remember that I'm just human. By the way, please don’t share your letters with your husband, especially not mine. A man can never truly understand a woman’s letters because he reads them with his basic twenty-six letter alphabet, while he needs one of at least fifty-two; and even that is hardly enough. It’s foolish for a happy couple to pretend they have no secrets from one another; it leads to so much dishonesty. However, if, as I suspect, you feel the need to show Edward this note of mine, he may find it somewhat helpful in understanding my character, which I’ve spent many entertaining years studying myself.
I give you no address so that you may not be in want of an excuse to leave this letter unanswered.—Your affectionate Aunt,
I won't give you an address so you don't have a reason to leave this letter unanswered.—Your loving Aunt,
Mary Ley.
Mary Ley.
Bertha impatiently tossed the letter to Edward.
Bertha impatiently threw the letter at Edward.
“What does she mean?” he asked, when he had read it.
“What does she mean?” he asked after reading it.
“It’s a funny letter,” he replied, looking at it again.
“It’s a funny letter,” he said, glancing at it again.
“But we’re free now, darling,” she said. “The house is ready for us; shall we go at once?”
“But we’re free now, babe,” she said. “The house is ready for us; should we head there right away?”
“But we haven’t been here a fortnight yet,” he objected.
“But we haven't even been here two weeks yet,” he said.
“What does it matter? We’re both sick of London; let us go home and start our life. We’re going to lead it for the rest of our days, so we’d better begin it quickly. Honeymoons are stupid things.”
“What does it even matter? We’re both tired of London; let’s go home and start our lives. We’ll be living it for the rest of our days, so we might as well get started soon. Honeymoons are pointless.”
“Well, I don’t mind. By Jove, fancy if we’d gone to Italy for six weeks.”
“Well, I don’t mind. Can you imagine if we’d gone to Italy for six weeks?”
“Oh, I didn’t know what a honeymoon was like. I think I imagined something quite different.”
“Oh, I didn’t know what a honeymoon was like. I think I had a totally different idea of it.”
“You see I was right, wasn’t I?”
“You see, I was right, wasn’t I?”
Chapter VIII
THE Kentish coast is bleak and grey between Leanham and Blackstable; through the long winter months the winds of the North Sea sweep down upon it, bowing the trees before them; and from the murky waters perpetually arise the clouds, and roll up in heavy banks. It is a country that offers those who live there, what they give: sometimes the sombre colours and the silent sea express only restfulness and peace; sometimes the chill breezes send the blood racing through the veins; but also the solitude can answer the deepest melancholy, or the cheerless sky a misery which is more terrible than death. The moment’s mood seems always reproduced in the surrounding scenes, and in them may be found, as it were, a synthesis of the emotions. Bertha stood upon the high road which ran past Court Leys, and from the height looked down upon the lands which were hers. Close at hand the only habitations were a pair of humble cottages, from which time and rough weather had almost effaced the obtrusiveness of human handiwork. They stood away from the road, among fruit trees—a part of nature and not a blot upon it, as Court Leys had never ceased to be. All around were fields, great stretches of ploughed earth and meadows of coarse herbage. The trees were few, and stood out here and there in the distance, bent before the wind. Beyond was Blackstable, straggling grey houses with a border of new villas built for the Londoners who came in summer; and the sea was dotted with the smacks of the fishing town.
THE Kentish coast is bleak and grey between Leanham and Blackstable; during the long winter months, the winds from the North Sea sweep down upon it, bending the trees in their path; and from the murky waters, clouds constantly rise and gather in heavy banks. This region reflects what its inhabitants bring to it: sometimes the dark colors and the quiet sea convey only a sense of calm and peace; other times, the chilly breezes make the blood rush through the veins; yet the solitude can resonate with deep sadness, or the dreary sky can evoke a misery worse than death. The mood of the moment is always mirrored in the surrounding scenery, which serves as a synthesis of emotions. Bertha stood on the highway that ran past Court Leys, looking down from her vantage point at the lands that belonged to her. Nearby, the only structures were a couple of small cottages, worn by time and harsh weather to the point where they blended into the landscape. They were set back from the road, among fruit trees—a part of nature rather than an eyesore, unlike Court Leys. Surrounding her were fields, vast expanses of ploughed land and meadows with coarse grass. The trees were few and scattered in the distance, bending under the wind. Beyond lay Blackstable, with its sprawling grey houses and a line of new villas built for the Londoners who visited in the summer; and the sea was dotted with the fishing boats from the town.
Bertha looked at the scene with sensations that she had never known; the heavy clouds hung above her, shutting out the whole world, and she felt an invisible barrier between herself and all other things. This was the land of her birth out of which she, and her fathers before her, had arisen; they had their day, and one by one returned whence they came and became again united with the earth. She had withdrawn from the pomps and vanities of life to live as her ancestors had lived, ploughing the land, sowing and reaping; but her children, the sons of the future, would belong to a new stock, stronger and fairer than the old. The Leys had gone down into the darkness of death, and her children would bear another name. All these things she gathered out of the brown fields and the grey sea mist. She was a little tired and the physical sensation caused a mental fatigue so that she felt in her suddenly the weariness of a family that had lived too long; she knew she was right to choose new blood to mix with the old blood of the Leys. It needed freshness and youth, the massive strength of her husband, to bring life to the decayed race. Her thoughts wandered to her father, the dilettante who wandered through Italy in search of beautiful things and emotions which his native country could not give him; of Miss Ley, whose attitude towards life was a shrug of the shoulders and a well-bred smile of contempt. Was not she, the last of them, wise? Feeling herself too weak to stand alone, she had taken a mate whose will and vitality would be a pillar of strength to her defaillance: her husband had still in his sinews the might of his mother, the Earth, a barbaric power which knew not the subtleties of weakness; he was the conqueror, and she was his handmaiden. But an umbrella was being waved at Mrs. Craddock from the bottom of the hill, and she smiled, recognising the masculine walk of Miss Glover.
Bertha stared at the scene with feelings she'd never experienced before; the heavy clouds loomed overhead, blocking out the entire world, and she sensed an invisible wall between herself and everything else. This was the land where she was born, from which she and her ancestors had emerged; they had their time, and one by one returned to where they came from and became one with the earth again. She had stepped back from the showiness and superficiality of life to live as her ancestors did, farming the land, planting, and harvesting; but her children, the next generation, would belong to a new lineage, stronger and better than the old. The Leys had faded into the shadows of death, and her children would carry a different name. She absorbed all these thoughts from the brown fields and the gray sea mist. She felt slightly tired, and the physical fatigue led to a mental exhaustion, making her aware of the weariness of a family that had lived too long; she knew it was right to choose new blood to blend with the old blood of the Leys. It needed freshness and energy, the robust strength of her husband, to revitalize the dwindling lineage. Her mind drifted to her father, the art lover who wandered through Italy searching for beautiful things and emotions that his homeland couldn’t provide; and to Miss Ley, whose attitude toward life was simply a shrug and a refined smile of disdain. Was she, the last of them, not wise? Feeling too weak to stand alone, she had chosen a partner whose strength and energy would support her in her fragility: her husband still carried the strength of his mother, the Earth, a raw power that didn’t comprehend weakness; he was the conqueror, and she was his helper. But an umbrella was being waved at Mrs. Craddock from the bottom of the hill, and she smiled, recognizing the confident stride of Miss Glover.
Even from a distance the maiden’s determination and strength of mind were apparent; she approached, her face redder even than usual after the climb, encased in the braided jacket that fitted her as severely as sardines are fitted in their tin.
Even from far away, the girl's determination and mental strength were clear; she walked over, her face even redder than usual from the climb, wearing a fitted braided jacket that clung to her like sardines in a can.
“I was coming to see you, Bertha,” she cried. “I heard you were back.”
“I was coming to see you, Bertha,” she shouted. “I heard you were back.”
“We’ve been home several days, getting to rights.”
“We’ve been home for several days, getting settled in.”
“Now, do tell me all about your honeymoon, I’m so anxious to hear everything.”
“Now, please tell me all about your honeymoon. I’m really eager to hear everything.”
But Bertha was not very communicative, she had an instinctive dislike to telling her private affairs, and never had any overpowering desire for sympathy.
But Bertha wasn’t very talkative; she had a natural aversion to sharing her personal matters and never felt a strong need for sympathy.
“Oh, I don’t think there’s much to tell,” she answered, when they were in the drawing-room and she was pouring out tea for her guest. “I suppose all honeymoons are more or less alike.”
“Oh, I don’t think there’s much to share,” she replied, as they were in the living room and she poured tea for her guest. “I guess all honeymoons are pretty much the same.”
“You funny girl,” said Miss Glover. “Didn’t you enjoy it?”
“You're such a funny girl,” said Miss Glover. “Didn’t you like it?”
“Yes,” said Bertha, with a smile that was almost ecstatic; then after a little pause: “We had a very good time—we went to all the theatres.”
“Yes,” Bertha said, smiling brightly; then after a brief pause: “We had a great time—we went to all the theaters.”
Miss Glover felt that marriage had caused a difference in Bertha, and it made her nervous to realise the change. She looked uneasily at the married woman and occasionally blushed.
Miss Glover felt that getting married had changed Bertha, and it made her anxious to see the difference. She glanced nervously at the married woman and sometimes blushed.
“And are you really happy?” she blurted out suddenly. Bertha smiled, and reddening, looked more charming than ever.
“And are you really happy?” she said suddenly. Bertha smiled and, blushing, looked more charming than ever.
“Yes—I think I’m perfectly happy.”
“Yes—I'm totally happy.”
“Aren’t you sure?” asked Miss Glover, who cultivated precision in every part of life and strongly disapproved of persons who did not know their own minds.
“Aren’t you sure?” asked Miss Glover, who valued accuracy in every aspect of life and strongly disapproved of people who didn't know what they wanted.
Bertha looked at her for a moment, as if considering the question.
Bertha stared at her for a moment, as if she was pondering the question.
“You know,” she answered, at last, “happiness is never quite what one expected it to be. I hardly hoped for so much; but I didn’t imagine it quite like it is.”
“You know,” she finally replied, “happiness is never really what you expect it to be. I barely hoped for this much; but I didn’t picture it quite like this.”
“Ah, well, I think it’s better not to go into these things,” replied Miss Glover, a little severely, thinking the suggestion of analysis scarcely suitable in a young married woman. “We ought to take things as they are, and be thankful.”
“Ah, well, I think it’s better not to get into these things,” replied Miss Glover, a bit sternly, feeling that the idea of analysis was not really appropriate for a young married woman. “We should accept things as they are and be grateful.”
They heard the opening of the front door and Bertha jumped up.
They heard the front door open, and Bertha jumped up.
“There’s Edward! I must go and see him. You don’t mind, do you?”
“There’s Edward! I have to go see him. You don’t mind, right?”
She almost skipped out of the room; marriage, curiously enough, had dissipated the gravity of manner which had made people find so little girlishness about her. She seemed younger, lighter of heart.
She almost skipped out of the room; marriage, strangely enough, had lifted the serious vibe that made people see so little girliness in her. She looked younger, more carefree.
“What a funny creature she is!” thought Miss Glover. “When she was a girl she had all the ways of a married woman, and now that she’s really married she might be a schoolgirl.”
“What a funny creature she is!” thought Miss Glover. “When she was a girl, she acted like a married woman, and now that she’s actually married, she could be a schoolgirl.”
The parson’s sister was not certain whether the irresponsibility of Bertha was fit to her responsible position, whether her unusual bursts of laughter were proper to a mystic state demanding gravity.
The parson’s sister wasn’t sure if Bertha's carefree attitude was suitable for her serious role, or if her frequent fits of laughter were appropriate for a mystical state that called for seriousness.
“I hope she’ll turn out all right,” she sighed.
“I hope she’ll be okay,” she sighed.
But Bertha impulsively rushed to her husband and kissed him. She helped him off with his coat.
But Bertha quickly rushed over to her husband and kissed him. She assisted him in taking off his coat.
“I’m so glad to see you again,” she cried, laughing a little at her own eagerness; for it was only after luncheon that he had left her.
“I’m so glad to see you again,” she exclaimed, laughing a bit at her own enthusiasm; after all, he had only left her after lunch.
“Is any one here?” he asked, noticing Miss Glover’s umbrella. He returned his wife’s embrace somewhat mechanically.
“Is anyone here?” he asked, noticing Miss Glover’s umbrella. He returned his wife’s embrace a bit stiffly.
“Come and see,” said Bertha, taking his arm and dragging him along. “You must be dying for tea, you poor thing.”
“Come and see,” Bertha said, taking his arm and pulling him along. “You must be craving tea, you poor thing.”
“Miss Glover!” he said, shaking the lady’s hand as energetically as she shook his. “How good of you to come and see us. I am glad to see you. You see we came home sooner than we expected—there’s no place like the country, is there?”
“Miss Glover!” he said, shaking the lady’s hand just as enthusiastically as she shook his. “It’s so nice of you to come and visit us. I am happy to see you. We ended up coming home earlier than we thought—we just can’t beat the peace of the country, can we?”
“You’re right there, Mr. Craddock; I can’t bear London.”
“You're absolutely right, Mr. Craddock; I can't stand London."
“Oh, you don’t know it,” said Bertha; “for you it’s Aerated Bread shops, Exeter Hall, and Church Congresses.”
“Oh, you don’t get it,” said Bertha; “for you, it’s just Aerated Bread shops, Exeter Hall, and Church Congresses.”
That good creature was far to kind-hearted to take offence at any remark of Bertha’s, and smiled grimly: she could smile in no other way.
That good person was way too kind-hearted to be offended by anything Bertha said, and smiled in a grim way; she couldn't smile any other way.
“Tell me what you did in London. I can’t get anything out of Bertha.”
“Tell me what you did in London. I can’t get anything from Bertha.”
Craddock’s mind was communicative, nothing pleased him more than to give people information, and he was always ready to share his knowledge with the world at large. He never picked up a fact without rushing to tell it to somebody else. Some persons when they know a thing immediately lose interest and it bores them to discuss it, but Craddock was not of these. Nor could repetition exhaust his eagerness to enlighten his fellows, he would tell an hundred people the news of the day and be as fresh as ever when it came to the hundred and first. Such a characteristic is undoubtedly a gift, useful in the highest degree to schoolmasters and politicians, but slightly tedious to their hearers. Craddock favoured his guest with a detailed account of all their adventures in London, the plays they had seen, the plots thereof and the actors who played them. He gave the complete list of the museums and churches and public buildings they had visited, while Bertha looked at him, smiling happily at his enthusiasm. She cared little what he spoke of, the mere sound of his voice was music in her ears, and she would have listened delightedly while he read aloud from end to end Whitaker’s Almanack: that was a thing, by the way, which he was quite capable of doing. Edward corresponded far more with Miss Glover’s conception of the newly married man than did Bertha with that of the newly married woman.
Craddock’s mind was always buzzing with information; nothing made him happier than sharing knowledge with others. He couldn’t wait to tell someone about any fact he learned. While some people lose interest once they know something and find it boring to talk about, Craddock wasn’t one of them. Repeating his stories didn’t tire him out; he could tell a hundred people the day’s news and still be enthusiastic when it came to the hundred and first. This trait is definitely a gift, quite useful for teachers and politicians, but it could be a bit tiresome for listeners. Craddock entertained his guest with a thorough recap of their adventures in London, detailing the plays they had seen, the plots, and the actors. He listed the museums, churches, and public buildings they had visited, while Bertha watched him, smiling at his excitement. She didn’t mind what he talked about; just hearing his voice was music to her ears, and she would have happily listened to him read Whitaker’s Almanack from cover to cover, which he was more than capable of doing. Edward fit Miss Glover’s idea of the newly married man much better than Bertha fit the idea of the newly married woman.
“He is a nice fellow,” she said to her brother afterwards, when they were eating their supper of cold mutton, solemnly seated at either end of a long table.
“He’s a nice guy,” she said to her brother later, when they were having their dinner of cold mutton, seriously sitting at either end of a long table.
“Yes,” answered the Vicar, in his tired, patient voice, “I think he’ll turn out a good husband.”
“Yes,” replied the Vicar, in his weary, patient tone, “I believe he’ll be a good husband.”
Mr. Glover was patience itself, which a little irritated Miss Ley, who liked a man of spirit; and of that Mr. Glover had never a grain. He was resigned to everything; he was resigned to his food being badly cooked, to the perversity of human nature, to the existence of dissenters (almost), to his infinitesimal salary; he was resignation driven to death. Miss Ley said he was like those Spanish donkeys that one sees plodding along in a string, listlessly bearing over-heavy loads—patient, patient, patient. But not so patient as Mr. Glover; the donkey sometimes kicked, the Vicar of Leanham never.
Mr. Glover was the epitome of patience, which annoyingly rubbed Miss Ley the wrong way, as she preferred a man with some spirit; and Mr. Glover had none whatsoever. He accepted everything; he accepted his poorly cooked meals, the quirks of human nature, the presence of dissenters (almost), and his tiny paycheck; his resignation was overwhelming. Miss Ley said he reminded her of those Spanish donkeys that you see trudging along in a line, listlessly carrying overly heavy loads—patient, patient, patient. But not as patient as Mr. Glover; the donkey sometimes kicked, but the Vicar of Leanham never did.
“I do hope it will turn out well, Charles,” said Miss Glover.
“I really hope it turns out well, Charles,” said Miss Glover.
“I hope it will,” he answered; then after a pause: “Did you ask them if they were coming to church to-morrow?” He helped himself to mashed potatoes, noticing long-sufferingly that they were burnt again; the potatoes were always burnt, but he made no comment.
“I hope so,” he replied; then after a moment: “Did you ask them if they’re coming to church tomorrow?” He served himself mashed potatoes, noticing with annoyance that they were burnt again; the potatoes were always burnt, but he didn’t say anything.
“Oh, I quite forgot,” said his sister, answering the question. “But I think they’re sure to. Edward Craddock was always a regular attendant.”
“Oh, I totally forgot,” said his sister, answering the question. “But I think they definitely will. Edward Craddock was always a regular attendee.”
Mr. Glover made no reply, and they kept silence for the rest of the meal. Immediately afterwards the parson went into his study to finish the morrow’s sermon, and Miss Glover took out of her basket her brother’s woollen socks and began to darn them. She worked for more than an hour, thinking meanwhile of the Craddocks; she liked Edward better and better each time she saw him, and she felt he was a man who could be trusted. She upbraided herself a little for her disapproval of the marriage; her action was unchristian, and she asked herself whether it was not her duty to apologise to Bertha or to Craddock; the thought of doing something humiliating to her own self-respect attracted her wonderfully. But Bertha was different from other girls; Miss Glover, thinking of her, grew confused.
Mr. Glover didn't respond, and they remained silent for the rest of the meal. After that, the parson went to his study to finish the sermon for the next day, while Miss Glover took her brother's woolen socks from her basket and started to mend them. She worked for over an hour, thinking about the Craddocks; she found herself liking Edward more each time they met, and she felt he was someone she could trust. She chided herself a bit for her disapproval of the marriage; she recognized her attitude wasn't very christ-like, and she wondered if she should apologize to Bertha or Craddock; the idea of doing something that might undermine her own self-respect strangely appealed to her. But Bertha was different from other girls; as Miss Glover thought about her, she felt confused.
But a tick of the clock to announce an hour about to strike made her look up, and she saw it wanted but five minutes to ten.
But the ticking of the clock signaling that an hour was about to strike made her look up, and she saw it was just five minutes to ten.
“I had no idea it was so late.”
“I didn’t realize it was so late.”
She got up and tidily put away her work, then taking from the top of the harmonium the Bible and the big prayer-book which were upon it, placed them at the end of the table. She drew forward a chair for her brother, and sat patiently to await his coming. As the clock struck she heard the study door open, and the Vicar walked in. Without a word he went to the books, and sitting down, found his place in the Bible.
She got up and neatly put away her work, then took the Bible and the large prayer book from the top of the harmonium and placed them at the end of the table. She pulled out a chair for her brother and sat patiently to wait for him. When the clock struck, she heard the study door open, and the Vicar walked in. Without saying anything, he went to the books, sat down, and found his place in the Bible.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
He looked up one moment over his spectacles. “Yes.”
He looked up for a moment over his glasses. “Yeah.”
Miss Glover leant forward and rang the bell—the servant appeared with a basket of eggs, which she placed on the table. Mr. Glover looked at her till she was settled on her chair, and began the lesson. Afterwards the servant lit two candles and bade them good-night. Miss Glover counted the eggs.
Miss Glover leaned forward and rang the bell—the servant came in with a basket of eggs, which she set on the table. Mr. Glover watched her until she was settled in her chair, then started the lesson. Later, the servant lit two candles and wished them good-night. Miss Glover counted the eggs.
“How many are there to-day?” asked the parson.
“How many are there today?” asked the pastor.
“Seven,” she answered, dating them one by one, and entering the number in a book kept for the purpose.
“Seven,” she replied, counting them off one by one and recording the number in a notebook designated for that purpose.
“Are you ready?” now asked Mr. Glover.
“Are you ready?” Mr. Glover asked now.
“Yes, Charles,” she said, taking one of the candles.
“Yes, Charles,” she said, picking up one of the candles.
He put out the lamp, and with the other candle followed her upstairs. She stopped outside her door and bade him good-night; he kissed her coldly on the forehead and they went into their respective rooms.
He turned off the lamp and followed her upstairs with the other candle. She paused outside her door and said goodnight; he kissed her coldly on the forehead, and they went into their separate rooms.
There is always a certain flurry in a country-house on Sunday morning. There is in the air a feeling peculiar to the day, a state of alertness and expectation; for even when they are repeated for years, week by week, the preparations for church cannot be taken coolly. The odour of clean linen is unmistakable, every one is highly starched and somewhat ill-at-ease; the members of the household ask one another if they’re ready, they hunt for prayer-books; the ladies are never dressed in time and sally out at last, buttoning their gloves; the men stamp and fume and take out their watches. Edward, of course, wore a tail-coat and a top-hat, which is quite the proper costume for the squire to go to church in, and no one gave more thought to the proprieties than Edward. He held himself very upright, cultivating the slightly self-conscious gravity considered fit to the occasion.
There’s always a certain excitement in a country house on Sunday morning. There's a vibe unique to the day, a sense of alertness and anticipation; because even when the routine has been the same for years, week after week, getting ready for church can’t be taken lightly. The smell of clean linen is unmistakable, everyone is dressed sharply and somewhat uncomfortable; members of the household check if they’re ready, looking for prayer books; the ladies are never on time and finally rush out while buttoning their gloves; the men pace and grumble and check their watches. Edward, of course, wore a tailcoat and a top hat, which is the right outfit for the squire to wear to church, and no one cared more about being proper than Edward. He stood up very straight, adopting the slightly self-aware seriousness deemed appropriate for the occasion.
“We shall be late, Bertha,” he said. “It will look so bad—the first time we come to church since our marriage, too.”
“We're going to be late, Bertha,” he said. “It's going to look so bad—especially since it's our first time coming to church after getting married.”
“My dear,” said Bertha, “you may be quite certain that even if Mr. Glover is so indiscreet as to start, for the congregation the ceremony will not really begin till we appear.”
“My dear,” said Bertha, “you can be sure that even if Mr. Glover is careless enough to start, the ceremony for the congregation won’t actually begin until we show up.”
They drove up in an old-fashioned brougham used only for going to church and to dinner-parties, and the word was immediately passed by the loungers at the porch to the devout within; there was a rustle of attention as Mr. and Mrs. Craddock walked up the aisle to the front pew which was theirs by right.
They pulled up in an old-fashioned carriage that was only used for church and dinner parties, and the word quickly spread among the people hanging out on the porch to those inside; there was a stir of interest as Mr. and Mrs. Craddock made their way up the aisle to their front pew.
“He looks at home, don’t he?” murmured the natives, for the behaviour of Edward interested them more than that of his wife, who was sufficiently above them to be almost a stranger.
“He looks at home, doesn’t he?” murmured the locals, since Edward’s behavior intrigued them more than his wife’s, who was far enough above them to seem like a total outsider.
Bertha sailed up with a royal unconsciousness of the eyes upon her; she was pleased with her personal appearance, and intensely proud of her good-looking husband. Mrs. Branderton, the mother of Craddock’s best man, fixed her eye-glass upon her and stared as is the custom of great ladies in the suburbs. Mrs. Branderton was a woman who cultivated the mode in the depths of the country, a little, giggling, grey-haired creature who talked stupidly in a high, cracked voice and had her too juvenile bonnets straight from Paris. She was a gentlewoman, and this, of course, is a very fine thing to be. She was proud of it (in quite a nice way), and in the habit of saying that gentlefolk were gentlefolk; which, if you come to think of it, is a most profound remark.
Bertha walked in with a regal unawareness of the eyes on her; she felt good about how she looked and was really proud of her handsome husband. Mrs. Branderton, the mother of Craddock’s best man, fixed her lorgnette on Bertha and stared, as is typical for upscale ladies in the suburbs. Mrs. Branderton was a woman who embraced fashion in the countryside, a little, giggling, grey-haired woman who spoke foolishly in a high-pitched, raspy voice and wore her overly youthful hats straight from Paris. She was a lady, and that’s obviously a very nice thing to be. She took pride in it (in a genuinely nice way) and often said that gentlefolk were gentlefolk; which, if you think about it, is quite a deep statement.
“I mean to go and speak to the Craddocks afterwards,” she whispered to her son. “It will have a good effect on the Leanham people; I wonder if poor Bertha feels it yet.”
“I plan to go and talk to the Craddocks afterwards,” she whispered to her son. “It’ll have a positive effect on the Leanham people; I wonder if poor Bertha is feeling it yet.”
Mrs. Branderton had a self-importance which was almost sublime; it never occurred to her that there might be persons sufficiently ill-conditioned as to resent her patronage. She did it all in kindness—she showered advice upon all and sundry, besides soups and jellies upon the poor, to whom when they were ill she even sent her cook to read the Bible. She would have gone herself, only she strongly disapproved of familiarity with the lower classes, which made them independent and often rude. Mrs. Branderton knew without possibility of question that she and her equals were made of different clay from common folk; but, being a gentlewoman, did not throw this fact in the latters’ faces, unless, of course, they gave themselves airs, when she thought a straight talking-to did them good. Without any striking advantages of birth, money, or intelligence, Mrs. Branderton never doubted her right to direct the affairs and fashions, even the modes of thought of her neighbours; and by sheer force of self-esteem had caused them to submit for thirty years to her tyranny, hating her and yet looking upon her invitations to a bad dinner, as something quite desirable.
Mrs. Branderton had a sense of self-importance that was nearly grand; it never crossed her mind that there might be people who would resent her patronizing attitude. She believed she was acting out of kindness—she offered advice to everyone and anyone, and provided soups and jellies to the poor, even sending her cook to read the Bible to them when they were sick. She would have gone herself, but she strongly disapproved of being overly familiar with the lower classes, as it made them feel entitled and often rude. Mrs. Branderton knew without a doubt that she and her peers were made of different stuff than common people; however, being a lady, she didn't flaunt this fact in front of them—unless, of course, they started acting superior, in which case she thought a blunt talk would do them good. Lacking any significant advantages in birth, wealth, or intelligence, Mrs. Branderton never questioned her right to manage the affairs and trends, even the thoughts of her neighbors; through sheer self-confidence, she had made them endure her control for thirty years, despising her yet still viewing her invitations to a mediocre dinner as something quite desirable.
Mrs. Branderton had debated with herself how she should treat the Craddocks.
Mrs. Branderton had thought about how she should treat the Craddocks.
“I wonder if it’s my duty to cut them,” she said. “Edward Craddock is not the sort of man a Miss Ley ought to marry. But there are so few gentlefolk in the neighbourhood, and of course people do make marriages which they wouldn’t have dreamed of twenty years ago. Even the best society is very mixed nowadays. Perhaps I’d better err on the side of mercy!”
“I wonder if I should cut them off,” she said. “Edward Craddock is not the kind of guy a Miss Ley should marry. But there are so few gentlefolk around here, and of course people are making marriages now that they wouldn’t have even considered twenty years ago. Even the best society is pretty mixed these days. Maybe I should lean towards being merciful!”
Mrs. Branderton was a little pleased to think that the Leys required her support—as was proved by the request of her son’s services at the wedding.
Mrs. Branderton felt a bit happy knowing that the Leys needed her support—evidenced by the request for her son’s help at the wedding.
“The fact is gentlefolk are gentlefolk, and they must stand by one another in these days of pork-butchers and furniture people.”
“The truth is that gentlemen are still gentlemen, and they need to support each other in these times of butchers and furniture dealers.”
After the service, when the parishioners were standing about the churchyard, Mrs. Branderton sailed up to the Craddocks followed by Arthur, and in her high, cracked voice began to talk with Edward. She kept an eye on the Leanham people to see that her action was being duly noticed, speaking to Craddock in the manner a gentlewoman should adopt with a man whose gentility was a little doubtful. Of course he was very much pleased and flattered.
After the service, while the parishioners were hanging out in the churchyard, Mrs. Branderton approached the Craddocks with Arthur in tow, and in her sharp, quirky voice, she started chatting with Edward. She watched the Leanham folks to make sure her actions were being noticed, addressing Craddock the way a lady should with a man whose status was somewhat uncertain. Naturally, he felt quite pleased and flattered.
Chapter IX
SOME days later, after the due preliminaries which Mrs. Branderton would on no account have neglected, the Craddocks received an invitation to dinner. Bertha silently passed it to her husband.
SOME days later, after the necessary formalities that Mrs. Branderton wouldn’t have overlooked for anything, the Craddocks got an invitation to dinner. Bertha quietly handed it to her husband.
“I wonder who she’ll ask to meet us,” he said.
“I wonder who she’ll ask to meet us,” he said.
“D’you want to go?” asked Bertha.
“Do you want to go?” asked Bertha.
“Why, don’t you? We’ve got no engagement, have we?”
“Why, don’t you? We’re not engaged, are we?”
“Have you ever dined there before?” said Bertha.
“Have you ever eaten there before?” Bertha asked.
“No. I’ve been to tennis-parties and that sort of thing, but I’ve hardly set foot inside their house.”
“No. I’ve been to tennis parties and that kind of thing, but I’ve hardly set foot inside their house.”
“Well, I think it’s an impertinence of her to ask you now.”
“Well, I think it’s pretty rude of her to ask you now.”
Edward opened his mouth wide: “What on earth d’you mean?”
Edward opened his mouth wide: “What do you mean?”
“Oh, don’t you see?” cried his wife, “they’re merely asking you because you’re my husband. It’s humiliating.”
“Oh, can’t you see?” his wife exclaimed, “they’re only asking you because you’re my husband. It’s so embarrassing.”
“Nonsense!” replied Edward, laughing. “And if they are, what do I care?—I’m not so thin-skinned as that. Mrs. Branderton was very nice to me the other Sunday; it would be funny if we didn’t accept.”
“Ridiculous!” Edward replied, laughing. “And if they are, what do I care?—I’m not that sensitive. Mrs. Branderton was really nice to me last Sunday; it would be silly if we didn’t accept.”
“Did you think she was nice? Didn’t you see that she was patronising you as if you were a groom. It made me boil with rage. I could hardly hold my tongue.”
“Did you think she was nice? Didn’t you notice that she was looking down on you like you were a kid? It made me really angry. I could barely keep my mouth shut.”
Edward laughed again. “I never noticed anything. It’s just your fancy, Bertha.”
Edward laughed again. “I never noticed anything. It’s just your imagination, Bertha.”
“I’m not going to her horrid dinner-party.”
“I’m not going to her awful dinner party.”
“Then I shall go by myself,” he replied, laughing.
“Then I’ll go by myself,” he said, laughing.
Bertha turned white; it was as if she had received a sudden blow; but he was laughing, of course he did not mean what he said. She hurriedly agreed to all he asked.
Bertha turned pale; it felt like she'd been hit out of nowhere; but he was laughing, so he obviously didn't mean what he said. She quickly agreed to everything he asked.
“We must be neighbourly. I want to be friends with everybody.”
“We should be friendly. I want to get along with everyone.”
She sat on the side of his chair, putting her arm round his neck. Edward patted her hand and she looked at him with eyes full of eager love, she bent down and kissed his hair. How foolish had been her sudden thought that he did not love her!
She sat on the side of his chair, wrapping her arm around his neck. Edward patted her hand, and she looked at him with eager, loving eyes. She leaned down and kissed his hair. How foolish her sudden thought had been that he didn't love her!
But Bertha had another reason for not wishing to go to Mrs. Branderton. She knew Edward would be bitterly criticised, and the thought made her wretched; they would talk of his appearance and manner, and wonder how they got on together. Bertha understood well enough the position Edward occupied in Leanham; the Brandertons and their like, knowing him all his life, had treated him as a mere acquaintance: for them he had been a person to whom you are civil, and that is all. This was the first occasion upon which he had been dealt with entirely as an equal; it was his introduction into what Mrs. Branderton was pleased to call the upper ten of Leanham. It did indeed make Bertha’s blood boil; and it cut her to the heart to think that for years he had been used in so infamous a fashion: he did not seem to mind.
But Bertha had another reason for not wanting to go to Mrs. Branderton's. She knew Edward would be harshly judged, and that thought made her miserable; they would comment on his looks and behavior, and question how they got along. Bertha understood the role Edward played in Leanham; the Brandertons and their crowd, knowing him all his life, had treated him like just an acquaintance: to them, he was someone you were polite to, and that was it. This was the first time he had been treated completely as an equal; it was his introduction into what Mrs. Branderton liked to call the upper class of Leanham. It truly made Bertha furious; and it broke her heart to think that for years he had been treated so poorly: he didn’t seem to care.
“If I were he,” she said, “I’d rather die than go. They’ve ignored him always, and now they take him up as a favour to me.”
“If I were him,” she said, “I’d rather die than go. They’ve always ignored him, and now they’re picking him up as a favor to me.”
But Edward appeared to have no pride; of course his character was charming, and he could bear ill will to no one. He neither resented the former neglect of the Brandertons nor their present impertinence.
But Edward seemed to have no pride; of course, his personality was charming, and he couldn't hold a grudge against anyone. He neither resented the previous neglect from the Brandertons nor their current rudeness.
“I wish I could make him understand.”
“I wish I could make him get it.”
Bertha passed the intervening week in a tremor of anxiety. She divined who the other guests would be. Would they laugh at him? Of course not openly; Mrs. Branderton, the least charitable of them all, prided herself upon her breeding; but Edward was shy, and among strangers awkward. To Bertha this was a charm rather than a defect; his half-bashful candour touched her, and she compared it favourably with the foolish worldliness of the imaginary man-about-town, whose dissipations she always opposed to her husband’s virtues. But she knew that a spiteful tongue would find another name for what she called a delightful naïveté.
Bertha spent the week feeling anxious. She guessed who the other guests would be. Would they laugh at him? Not openly, of course; Mrs. Branderton, the least charitable of them all, prided herself on her good manners; but Edward was shy, and awkward around strangers. To Bertha, this was more of a charm than a flaw; his shy honesty moved her, and she contrasted it positively with the ridiculous worldliness of the imaginary man-about-town, whose partying she always compared to her husband’s virtues. But she knew that a spiteful person would call what she saw as a delightful naïveté something else.
When at last the great day arrived, and they trundled off in the old-fashioned brougham, Bertha was thoroughly prepared to take mortal offence at the merest shadow of a slight offered to her husband. The Lord Chief Justice himself could not have been more careful of a company promoter’s fair name than was Mrs. Craddock of her husband’s susceptibilities; Edward, like the financier, treated the affair with indifference.
When the big day finally came, and they set off in the old-fashioned carriage, Bertha was completely ready to get seriously offended by even the slightest disrespect shown to her husband. Mrs. Craddock was as protective of her husband's feelings as the Lord Chief Justice would be of a company promoter's good name; Edward, like the financier, approached the situation with indifference.
Mrs. Branderton had routed out the whole countryside for her show of gentlefolk. They had come from Blackstable and Tercanbury and Faversley, and from the seats and mansions which surrounded those places. Mrs. Mayston Ryle was there in a wonderful jete-black wig, and a voluminous dress of violet silk. Lady Wagget was there.
Mrs. Branderton had gathered everyone from the entire countryside for her gathering of the elite. They arrived from Blackstable, Tercanbury, Faversley, and the estates and mansions nearby. Mrs. Mayston Ryle was there in an amazing jet-black wig and a flowing dress made of violet silk. Lady Wagget was present too.
“Merely the widow of a city knight, my dear,” said the hostess to Bertha, “but if she isn’t distinguished, she’s good; so one mustn’t be too hard upon her.”
“Just the widow of a city knight, my dear,” said the hostess to Bertha, “but if she’s not upper-class, she’s nice; so we shouldn’t be too tough on her.”
General Hancock arrived with two fuzzy-haired daughters, who were dreadfully plain, but pretended not to know it. They had walked; and while the soldier toddled in, blowing like a grampus, the girls (whose united ages made the respectable total of sixty-five years) stayed behind to remove their boots and put on the shoes which they had brought in a bag. Then, in a little while, came the Dean, meek and somewhat talkative; Mr. Glover had been invited for his sake, and of course Charles’ sister could not be omitted. She was looking almost festive in very shiny black satin.
General Hancock arrived with his two daughters, who had messy hair and were quite plain but acted like they didn’t notice. They had walked there, and while the soldier made his way in, out of breath, the girls (whose ages added up to a respectable sixty-five years) stayed back to take off their boots and put on the shoes they had packed in a bag. Soon after, the Dean arrived, gentle and somewhat chatty; Mr. Glover had been invited because of him, and of course, Charles' sister couldn’t be left out. She looked almost festive in her shiny black satin dress.
Mr. Atthill Bacot was announced; he had once contested the seat, and ever after been regarded as an authority upon the nation’s affairs. Mr. James Lycett and Mr. Molson came next, both red-faced squires with dogmatic opinions; they were alike as two peas, and it had been the local joke for thirty years that no one but their wives could tell them apart. Mrs. Lycett was thin and quiet and staid, wearing two little strips of lace on her hair to represent a cap; Mrs. Molson was so insignificant that no one had ever noticed what she was like. It was one of Mrs. Branderton’s representative gatherings; moral excellence was joined to perfect gentility and the result could not fail to edify. She was herself in high spirits and her cracked voice rang high and shrill. She was conscious of a successful costume; she really had much taste, and her frock would have looked charming on a woman half her age. Thinking also that it was part of woman’s duty to be amiable, Mrs. Branderton smiled and ogled at the old gentlemen in a way that quite alarmed them, and Mr. Atthill Bacot really thought she had designs upon his virtue.
Mr. Atthill Bacot was introduced; he had once run for the position and had since been seen as an expert on the country's issues. Next came Mr. James Lycett and Mr. Molson, both red-faced gentlemen with strong opinions; they were as similar as two peas, and it had been a local joke for thirty years that only their wives could tell them apart. Mrs. Lycett was thin, quiet, and reserved, wearing two small lace strips in her hair to look like a cap; Mrs. Molson was so unremarkable that no one had ever really noticed what she looked like. It was one of Mrs. Branderton’s signature gatherings; moral excellence combined with perfect gentility, and the outcome was sure to impress. She herself was in high spirits, and her cracked voice rang out high and shrill. She felt good about her outfit; she really had a good eye for style, and her dress would have looked lovely on a woman half her age. Believing it was part of a woman’s duty to be charming, Mrs. Branderton smiled and flirted with the older gentlemen in a way that quite unsettled them, and Mr. Atthill Bacot genuinely thought she was trying to seduce him.
The dinner just missed being eatable. Mrs. Branderton was a woman of fashion and disdained the solid fare of a country dinner-party—thick soup, fried soles, mutton cutlets, roast mutton, pheasant, Charlotte russe, and jellies. (The earlier dishes are variable according to season, but the Charlotte russe and the jelly are inevitable.) No, Mrs. Branderton said she must be a little more “distangay” than that, and provided her guests with clear soup, entrees from the Stores, a fluffy sweet which looked pretty and tasted horrid. The feast was extremely elegant, but it was not filling, which is unpleasant to elderly squires with large appetites.
The dinner barely qualified as edible. Mrs. Branderton was a fashionable woman who looked down on the hearty dishes typical of a country dinner party—thick soup, fried soles, mutton cutlets, roast mutton, pheasant, Charlotte russe, and jellies. (The earlier dishes vary by season, but the Charlotte russe and jelly are a must.) No, Mrs. Branderton insisted she needed to be a little more “distangay” than that, so she served her guests clear soup, entrees from the store, and a fluffy dessert that looked pretty but tasted awful. The meal was very elegant, but it didn’t satisfy, which is disappointing for older gentlemen with big appetites.
“I never get enough to eat at the Brandertons,” said Mr. Atthill Bacot, indignantly.
“I never get enough to eat at the Brandertons,” said Mr. Atthill Bacot, indignantly.
“Well, I know the old woman,” replied Mr. Molson. Mrs. Branderton was the same age as himself, but he was rather a dog, and thought himself quite young enough to flirt with the least plain of the two Miss Hancocks. “I know her well, and I make a point of drinking a glass of sherry with a couple of eggs beaten up in it before I come.”
“Well, I know the old woman,” replied Mr. Molson. Mrs. Branderton was the same age as him, but he was quite a character and believed he was young enough to flirt with even the less attractive of the two Miss Hancocks. “I know her well, and I always make it a point to drink a glass of sherry mixed with a couple of beaten eggs before I come.”
“The wines are positively immoral,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle, who prided herself on her palate. “I’m always inclined to bring with me a flask with a little good whisky in it.”
“The wines are downright immoral,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle, who took pride in her taste. “I always feel like bringing a flask with some good whisky in it.”
But if the food was not heavy the conversation was. It is an axiom of narration that truth should coincide with probability, and the realist is perpetually hampered by the wild exaggeration of actual facts; a verbatim report of the conversation at Mrs. Branderton’s dinner-party would read like a shrieking caricature. The anecdote reigned supreme. Mrs. Mayston Ryle was a specialist in the clerical anecdote; she successively related the story of Bishop Thorold and his white hands, the story of Bishop Wilberforce and the bloody shovel. (This somewhat shocked the ladies, but Mrs. Mayston Ryle could not spoil her point by the omission of a swear word.) The Dean gave an anecdote about himself, to which Mrs. Mayston Ryle retorted with one about the Archbishop of Canterbury and the tedious curate. Mr. Arthill Bacot gave political anecdotes, Mr. Gladstone and the table of the House of Commons, Dizzy and the agricultural labourer. The climax came when General Hancock gave his celebrated stories about the Duke of Wellington. Edward laughed heartily at them all.
But if the food was light, the conversation was definitely not. It’s a rule of storytelling that truth should match what’s believable, and realists are constantly held back by the crazy exaggeration of real events; a word-for-word record of the conversation at Mrs. Branderton’s dinner party would sound like an outrageous caricature. The anecdotes took center stage. Mrs. Mayston Ryle was an expert at telling clerical anecdotes; she went on to share the story of Bishop Thorold and his delicate white hands, and then the story of Bishop Wilberforce and the bloody shovel. (This shocked the women a bit, but Mrs. Mayston Ryle wasn’t about to dilute her punchline by skipping a swear word.) The Dean shared an anecdote about himself, which prompted Mrs. Mayston Ryle to respond with one about the Archbishop of Canterbury and his tedious assistant. Mr. Arthill Bacot shared political tales, including those about Mr. Gladstone and the House of Commons, as well as Dizzy and the agricultural worker. The highlight came when General Hancock recounted his famous stories about the Duke of Wellington. Edward laughed heartily at them all.
Bertha’s eyes were constantly upon her husband. She detested the thoughts that ran through her head, for that they should come to her at all was disparaging to him; but still she was horribly anxious. Was he not perfect, and handsome, and adorable? Why should she tremble before the opinion of a dozen stupid people? But she could not help it. However much she despised her neighbours, she could not prevent herself from being miserably affected by their judgment. And what did Edward feel? Was he as nervous as she? She could not bear the thought that he should suffer pain. It was an immense relief when Mrs. Branderton rose from the table. Bertha looked at Arthur holding open the door; she would have given anything to ask him to look after Edward, but dared not. She was terrified lest, to his humiliation, those old squires should pointedly ignore him.
Bertha’s eyes were always on her husband. She hated the thoughts running through her mind, as they felt disrespectful to him; yet she was incredibly anxious. Wasn’t he perfect, handsome, and adorable? Why should she feel anxious about what a dozen clueless people thought? But she couldn’t help it. No matter how much she looked down on her neighbors, their judgment still affected her deeply. And what about Edward? Was he as anxious as she was? She couldn’t stand the idea of him suffering. It was such a huge relief when Mrs. Branderton got up from the table. Bertha glanced at Arthur holding the door; she would have given anything to ask him to look after Edward, but she didn’t dare. She was scared that those old squires would deliberately ignore him, adding to his embarrassment.
On reaching the drawing-room Miss Glover found herself by Bertha’s side, a little separated from the others, and the accident seemed designed by higher powers to give her an opportunity for the amends which she felt it her duty to make Mrs. Craddock for her former disparagement of Edward. She had been thinking the matter over, and considered an apology distinctly needful. But Miss Glover suffered terribly from nervousness, and the idea of broaching so delicate a subject caused her indescribable torture; yet the very unpleasantness of it reassured her, if speech was so disagreeable, it must obviously be her duty. But the words stuck in her throat, and she began talking of the weather. She reproached herself for cowardice; she set her teeth and grew scarlet.
On reaching the living room, Miss Glover found herself sitting next to Bertha, a little apart from the others. It felt like fate was giving her a chance to make amends with Mrs. Craddock for her earlier disrespect toward Edward. She had been thinking about it and believed an apology was definitely necessary. But Miss Glover was extremely nervous, and the thought of bringing up such a sensitive topic was incredibly painful for her; however, the unpleasantness reassured her—if it was so difficult to talk about, it clearly was her responsibility. But the words got stuck in her throat, and she ended up talking about the weather instead. She scolded herself for being cowardly; she gritted her teeth and turned red.
“Bertha, I want to beg your pardon,” she blurted out suddenly.
“Bertha, I want to apologize,” she blurted out suddenly.
“What on earth for?” Bertha opened her eyes wide and looked at the poor woman with astonishment.
“What on earth for?” Bertha said, her eyes wide as she looked at the poor woman in astonishment.
“I feel I’ve been unjust to your husband. I thought he wasn’t a proper match for you, and I said things about him which I shouldn’t even have thought. I’m very sorry. He’s one of the best and kindest men I’ve ever seen, and I’m very glad you married him, and I’m sure you’ll be very happy.”
“I realize I’ve been unfair to your husband. I thought he wasn’t the right match for you, and I said things about him that I shouldn’t have even thought. I’m really sorry. He’s one of the best and kindest men I’ve ever met, and I’m really glad you married him, and I’m sure you’ll be very happy.”
Tears came to Bertha’s eyes as she laughed; she felt inclined to throw her arms round the grim Miss Glover’s neck, for such a speech at that moment was very comforting.
Tears filled Bertha's eyes as she laughed; she felt like throwing her arms around the serious Miss Glover's neck, because that comment in that moment was really comforting.
“Of course I know you didn’t mean what you said.”
"Of course I know you didn't mean what you said."
“Oh yes, I did, I’m sorry to say,” replied Miss Glover, who could allow no extenuation to her own crime.
“Oh yes, I did, I’m sorry to say,” replied Miss Glover, who could allow no excuses for her own wrongdoing.
“I’d quite forgotten all about it; and I believe you’ll soon be as madly in love with Edward as I am.”
“I had completely forgotten about it; and I think you’ll soon be just as crazy in love with Edward as I am.”
But Mrs. Branderton interrupted them with her high voice.
But Mrs. Branderton interrupted them with her loud voice.
“Bertha, dear, I want to talk to you.” Bertha, smiling, sat down beside her, and Mrs. Branderton proceeded in undertones.
“Bertha, dear, I want to talk to you.” Bertha, smiling, sat down next to her, and Mrs. Branderton continued in a low voice.
“I must tell you, every one has been saying you’re the handsomest couple in the county, and we all think your husband is so nice.”
“I have to tell you, everyone has been saying you’re the most attractive couple in the county, and we all think your husband is really nice.”
“He laughed at all your jokes,” replied Bertha.
“He laughed at all your jokes,” Bertha replied.
“Yes,” said Mrs. Branderton, looking upwards and sideways like a canary, “he has such a merry disposition. But I’ve always liked him, dear. I was telling Mrs. Mayston Ryle that I’ve known him intimately ever since he was born. I thought it would please you to know that we all think your husband is nice.”
“Yeah,” said Mrs. Branderton, glancing up and to the side like a canary, “he has such a cheerful personality. But I’ve always liked him, dear. I was telling Mrs. Mayston Ryle that I’ve known him well ever since he was born. I thought it would make you happy to know that we all think your husband is great.”
“I’m very much pleased. I hope Edward will be equally satisfied with all of you.”
“I’m really pleased. I hope Edward will be just as happy with all of you.”
The Craddock’s carriage came early, and Bertha offered to drive the Glovers home.
The Craddocks' carriage arrived early, and Bertha offered to drive the Glovers home.
“I wonder if that lady has swallowed a poker,” said Mr. Molson, as soon as the drawing-room door was closed.
“I wonder if that lady has swallowed a poker,” said Mr. Molson, as soon as the living room door was closed.
The two Miss Hancocks went into shrieks of laughter at this sally, and even the Dean smiled gently.
The two Miss Hancocks burst into laughter at this joke, and even the Dean smiled softly.
“Where did she get her diamonds from?” said the elder Miss Hancock. “I thought they were as poor as church mice.”
“Where did she get her diamonds?” asked the older Miss Hancock. “I thought they were as poor as church mice.”
“The diamonds and the pictures are the only things they have left,” said Mrs. Branderton; “her family always refused to sell them; though, of course, it’s absurd for people in that position to have such jewels.”
“The diamonds and the pictures are the only things they have left,” said Mrs. Branderton; “her family always refused to sell them; though, of course, it’s ridiculous for people in that situation to own such jewels.”
“He’s a remarkably nice fellow,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle in her deep, authoritative voice; “but I agree with Mr. Molson, she’s distinctly inclined to give herself airs.”
“He’s a really nice guy,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle in her deep, commanding voice; “but I agree with Mr. Molson, she definitely has a tendency to act superior.”
“The Leys for generations have been as proud as turkey-cocks,” added Mrs. Branderton.
“The Leys have been as proud as peacocks for generations,” added Mrs. Branderton.
“Perhaps she was a little nervous,” said Lady Waggett, who, though not distinguished, was good. “I know when I was a bride I used to be all of a tremble when I went to dinner-parties.”
“Maybe she was a bit nervous,” said Lady Waggett, who, although not prominent, was kind. “I remember when I was a bride I used to be all shaky when I went to dinner parties.”
“Nonsense,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle. “She was extremely self-possessed; I don’t think it looks well for a young woman to have so much assurance. And I think she ought to be told that it’s hardly well bred for a young married woman to leave a house before anybody else as if she were royalty, when there are present women of a certain age and of a position undoubtedly not inferior to her own.”
“Nonsense,” said Mrs. Mayston Ryle. “She was very composed; I don’t think it looks good for a young woman to be so confident. And I believe someone should tell her that it’s not very proper for a young married woman to leave a gathering before anyone else, acting as if she were royalty, especially when there are women present who are older and definitely of a status equal to hers.”
“Oh, they’re so newly married they like to be alone, poor things,” said Lady Waggett. “I know I used to when I was first married to Sir Samuel.”
“Oh, they’re so newly married they like to be alone, poor things,” said Lady Waggett. “I remember I used to feel the same when I first got married to Sir Samuel.”
“My dear Lady Waggett,” answered Mrs. Mayston Ryle in tones of thunder, “the cases are not similar; Mrs. Craddock was a Miss Ley, and really should know something of the usages of good society.”
“My dear Lady Waggett,” Mrs. Mayston Ryle replied loudly, “the situations are not the same; Mrs. Craddock was a Miss Ley and really should understand the norms of good society.”
“Well, what do you think she said to me?” said Mrs. Branderton, waving her thin arms. “I was telling her that we were all so pleased with her husband—I thought it would comfort her a little, poor thing—and she said she hoped he would be equally satisfied with us.”
“Well, what do you think she said to me?” said Mrs. Branderton, waving her thin arms. “I was telling her that we were all really pleased with her husband—I thought it would cheer her up a bit, poor thing—and she said she hoped he would feel the same about us.”
Mrs. Mayston Ryle for a moment was stupefied, but soon recovered.
Mrs. Mayston Ryle was momentarily stunned, but quickly regained her composure.
“How very amusing,” she cried, rising from her chair. “Ha! ha! She hopes Mr. Edward Craddock will be satisfied with Mrs. Mayston Ryle.”
“How funny,” she said, getting up from her chair. “Ha! ha! She thinks Mr. Edward Craddock will be happy with Mrs. Mayston Ryle.”
The two Miss Hancocks said “Ha! ha!” in chorus. Then, the great lady’s carriage being announced, she bade the assembly good-night, and swept out with a great rustling of her violet silk. The party might now really be looked upon as concluded, and the others obediently flocked off.
The two Miss Hancocks laughed together, saying, “Ha! ha!” Then, when the announcement for the great lady’s carriage was made, she said good-night to the group and left in a swish of her violet silk. Now, the party could truly be considered over, and the others obediently headed out.
When they had put the Glovers down, Bertha nestled close to her husband.
When they had laid the Glovers to rest, Bertha snuggled up next to her husband.
“It was a jolly evening, wasn’t it,” he said. “I thought they were all ripping.”
“It was a fun evening, wasn't it?” he said. “I thought they were all amazing.”
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it, dear; I was afraid you’d be bored.”
“I’m so glad you liked it, dear; I was worried you’d be bored.”
“Good heavens, that’s the last thing I should be. It does one good to hear conversation like that now and then—it brightens one up.”
"Wow, that's the last thing I should be. It's refreshing to hear a conversation like that every now and then—it really lifts your spirits."
Bertha started a little.
Bertha flinched a bit.
“Old Bacot is a very well informed man, isn’t he? I shouldn’t wonder if he was right in thinking that the government would go out at the end of their six years.”
“Old Bacot is a very knowledgeable guy, isn’t he? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s right in thinking that the government will leave at the end of their six years.”
“He always leads one to believe that he’s in the Prime Minister’s confidence,” said Bertha.
“He always makes you think that he’s close with the Prime Minister,” said Bertha.
“And the General is a funny old chap,” added Edward. “That was a good story he told about the Duke of Wellington.”
“And the General is quite a funny old guy,” added Edward. “That was a great story he told about the Duke of Wellington.”
Somehow this remark had a curious effect upon Bertha; she could not restrain herself, but burst suddenly into shrieks of hysterical laughter. Her husband, thinking she was laughing at the anecdote, burst also into peal upon peal.
Somehow, this comment had a strange effect on Bertha; she couldn’t hold back and suddenly erupted into fits of hysterical laughter. Her husband, thinking she was laughing at the story, joined in with loud bursts of laughter as well.
“And the story about the Bishop’s gaiters!” cried Edward, shouting with merriment.
“And the story about the Bishop’s gaiters!” Edward exclaimed, laughing joyfully.
Chapter X
AND so the Craddocks began their journey along the great road nowhither which is called the Road of Holy Matrimony. The spring came, and with it a hundred new delights; Bertha watched the lengthening days, the coloured crocus spring from the ground, the snowbells; the warm damp days of February brought the primroses and then the violets. February is a month of languors; the world’s heart is heavy, listless of the unrest of April and the vigorous life of May. Throughout nature the seed is germinating and the pulse of all things throbs. The sea mists arose from the North Sea, and covered the Kentish land with a veil of moisture, white and almost transparent, so that through it the leafless trees were seen strangely distorted, their branches like long arms writhing to free themselves from the shackles of winter; the grass was very green in the marshes, and the young lambs frisked and gambolled, bleating to their mothers. Already the thrushes and the blackbirds were singing in the hedge-rows. March roared in boisterously, and the clouds, high above, swept across the sky before the tearing winds, sometimes heaped up in heavy masses and then blown asunder, flying westwards, tripping over one another’s heels in their hurry. Nature was resting; holding her breath, as it were, before the great effort of birth.
AND so the Craddocks started their journey along the great road to nowhere, known as the Road of Holy Matrimony. Spring came, bringing a hundred new delights; Bertha watched the days grow longer, the colorful crocuses sprouting from the ground, the snowbells emerging; the warm, damp days of February brought primroses and then violets. February is a month of weariness; the world feels heavy, tired from the anticipation of April and the vibrant life of May. All around, nature is waking up, and everything is throbbing with life. Sea mists rose from the North Sea, covering the Kentish land with a veil of moisture, white and nearly transparent, allowing the leafless trees to be seen strangely distorted, their branches resembling long arms trying to break free from winter's grip; the grass was very green in the marshes, and young lambs frolicked and leaped, calling out to their mothers. The thrushes and blackbirds were already singing in the hedgerows. March barged in loudly, with clouds high above racing across the sky in the strong winds, sometimes gathering in heavy masses and then being scattered, flying westward, tripping over one another in their hurry. Nature was taking a pause, holding its breath, before the big push of birth.
Gradually Bertha came to know her husband better. At her marriage she had really known nothing but that she loved him; the senses only had spoken, she and he were merely puppets whom nature had thrown together and made attractive in one another’s eyes, that the race might be continued. Bertha, desire burning within her like a fire, had flung herself into her husband’s arms, loving as the beasts love—and as the gods. He was the man and she was the woman, and the world was a Garden of Eden, conjured up by the power of passion. But greater knowledge brought only greater love. Little by little, reading in Edward’s mind, Bertha discovered to her delight an unexpected purity; it was with a feeling of curious happiness that she recognised his innocence. She saw that he had never loved before, that woman to him was a strange thing, a thing he had scarcely known. She was proud that her husband had come to her unsoiled by foreign embraces, the lips that kissed hers were clean; no speech on the subject had passed between them, and yet she felt certain of his extreme chastity. His soul was truly virginal.
Gradually, Bertha got to know her husband better. At their wedding, she really knew nothing except that she loved him; it was purely a physical attraction, and they were just two people thrown together by nature and made attractive to each other to continue the human race. Bertha, with desire burning inside her like a fire, had thrown herself into her husband’s arms, loving him like animals do—and like the gods. He was the man, and she was the woman, and the world was an Eden created by the power of passion. But her growing knowledge only deepened her love. Bit by bit, as she read Edward’s mind, Bertha joyfully discovered an unexpected purity; she felt a curious happiness as she recognized his innocence. She realized that he had never loved anyone before, that women were a mystery to him, someone he had hardly known. She felt proud that her husband had come to her untouched by other women, and the lips that kissed hers were pure; although they had never discussed it, she felt sure of his profound chastity. His soul was truly pure.
And this being so, how could she fail to adore him! Bertha was only happy in her husband’s company, and it was an exquisite pleasure for her to think that their bonds could not be sundered, that so long as they lived they would be always together, always inseparable. She followed him like a dog, with a subjection that was really touching; her pride had utterly vanished, and she desired to exist only in Edward, to fuse her character with his and be entirely one with him. She wanted him to be her only individuality, likening herself to ivy climbing to the oak tree; for he was an oak tree, a pillar of strength, and she was very weak. In the morning after breakfast she accompanied him on his walk around the farms, and only when her presence was impossible did she stay at home to look after her house. The attempt to read was hopeless, and she had thrown aside her books. Why should she read? Not for entertainment, since her husband was a perpetual occupation; and if she knew how to love, what other knowledge was useful? Often, left alone for a while, she would take up some volume, but her mind quickly wandered and she thought of Edward again, wishing to be with him.
And with that being the case, how could she not adore him! Bertha was only truly happy when she was with her husband, and it brought her immense joy to think their connection could never be broken, that as long as they lived, they'd always be together and inseparable. She followed him like a loyal dog, her submission was genuinely touching; her pride was completely gone, and all she wanted was to exist through Edward, to merge her identity with his and be entirely one with him. She wanted him to be her only identity, comparing herself to ivy climbing an oak tree; he was that oak tree, a symbol of strength, while she felt very weak. The morning after breakfast, she walked with him around the farms, and only when she couldn't be with him did she stay home to manage the house. Her attempts to read were futile, and she'd set her books aside. Why read? Not for enjoyment, since her husband occupied her thoughts constantly; and if she knew how to love, what else was there to know? Often, when left alone for a while, she would pick up a book, but her mind would quickly drift back to thoughts of Edward, longing to be with him.
Bertha’s life was an exquisite dream, a dream which need never end; for her happiness was not of that boisterous sort which needs excursions and alarums, but equable and smooth; she dwelt in a paradise of rosy tints, in which were neither violent shadows nor glaring lights. She was in heaven, and the only link attaching her to earth was the weekly service at Leanham. There was a delightful humanity about the bare church with its pitch-pine, highly varnished pews, and the odours of hair-pomade and Reckitt’s Blue. Edward was in his Sabbath garments, the organist made horrid sounds, and the village choir sang out of tune; Mr. Glover’s mechanical delivery of the prayers cleverly extracted all beauty from them, and his sermon was intensely prosaic. Those two hours of church gave Bertha just the touch of earthliness which was necessary to make her realize that life was not entirely spiritual.
Bertha’s life was a beautiful dream, a dream that could go on forever; her happiness wasn’t the loud kind that requires excitement and drama, but steady and calm. She lived in a paradise of soft colors, where there were neither harsh shadows nor bright lights. She was inheaven, and the only connection to the real world was the weekly service at Leanham. The simple church, with its pitch-pine, polished pews, and the scents of hair pomade and Reckitt’s Blue, had a charming humanity. Edward was in his Sunday best, the organist made awful noises, and the village choir sang off-key; Mr. Glover’s robotic way of saying the prayers drained all the beauty from them, and his sermon was incredibly dull. Those two hours in church gave Bertha just the bit of realness she needed to understand that life wasn’t all about the spiritual.
Now came April. The elms before Court Leys were beginning to burst into leaf; the green buds covered the branches like a delicate rain, a verdant haze that was visible from a little distance and vanished when one came near. The brown fields also clothed themselves with a summer garment; the clover sprang up green and luxurious, and the crops showed good promise for the future. There were days when the air was almost balmy, when the sun was warm and the heart leapt, certain at last that the spring was at hand. The warm and comfortable rain soaked into the ground; and from the branches continually hung the countless drops, glistening in the succeeding sun. The self-conscious tulip unfolded her petals and carpeted the ground with gaudy colour. The clouds above Leanham were lifted up and the world was stretched out in a greater circle. The birds now sang with no uncertain notes as in March, but from a full throat, filling the air; and in the hawthorn behind Court Leys the first nightingale poured out his richness. And the full scents of the earth rose up, the fragrance of the mould and of the rain, the perfumes of the sun and of the soft breezes.
Now April had arrived. The elms in front of Court Leys were starting to sprout leaves; the green buds covered the branches like a gentle rain, creating a lush haze that could be seen from a distance but disappeared up close. The brown fields were also donning their summer attire; the clover grew up lush and green, and the crops looked promising for the future. There were days when the air felt almost warm and pleasant, when the sun was shining and one’s heart soared, finally convinced that spring was on its way. The warm, comforting rain soaked into the soil; and from the branches hung countless drops, sparkling in the sunlight. The proud tulip opened her petals, carpeting the ground in bright colors. The clouds above Leanham parted, and the world expanded into a wider horizon. The birds sang clearly now, unlike in March, filling the air with their melodies; and in the hawthorn behind Court Leys, the first nightingale filled the night with its rich song. The scents of the earth rose all around, the smell of the soil and rain, the fragrances of sunlight and gentle breezes.
But sometimes, without ceasing, it rained from morning till night, and then Edward rubbed his hands.
But sometimes, it rained nonstop from morning till night, and then Edward rubbed his hands.
“I wish this would keep on for a week; it’s just what the country wants.”
“I wish this could last for a week; it’s exactly what the country needs.”
“Come and sit down beside me, Eddie dear,” she said. “I’ve hardly seen you all day.”
“Come and sit next to me, Eddie, sweetheart,” she said. “I’ve barely seen you all day.”
“I’ve got to go out,” he said, without turning round.
“I need to go out,” he said, without turning around.
“Oh no, you haven’t. Come here and sit down.”
“Oh no, you haven't. Come here and sit down.”
“I’ll come for two minutes, while they’re putting the trap in.”
“I’ll be there for two minutes while they set up the trap.”
“Kiss me.”
"Kiss me."
He kissed her and she laughed. “You funny boy, I don’t believe you care about kissing me a bit.”
He kissed her and she laughed. “You silly guy, I don’t believe you care about kissing me at all.”
He could not answer this, for at that moment the trap came to the door and he sprang up.
He couldn't respond to this, because at that moment the trap arrived at the door and he jumped up.
“Where are you going?”
“Where are you headed?”
“I’m driving over to see old Potts at Herne about some sheep.”
“I’m driving over to see old Potts at Herne about some sheep.”
“Is that all? Don’t you think you might stay in for an afternoon when I ask you?”
“Is that all? Don’t you think you could stay in for an afternoon when I ask you?”
“Why?” he replied. “There’s nothing to do in here. Nobody is coming, I suppose.”
“Why?” he answered. “There’s nothing to do in here. I guess nobody is coming.”
“I want to be with you, Eddie,” she said, plaintively.
“I want to be with you, Eddie,” she said, sadly.
He laughed. “I’m afraid I can’t break an appointment just for that.”
He laughed. “Sorry, but I can’t cancel an appointment just for that.”
“Shall I come with you then?”
“Should I come with you then?”
“What on earth for?” he asked, with surprise.
“What on earth for?” he asked, surprised.
“I want to be with you; I hate being always separated from you.”
“I want to be with you; I hate being apart from you all the time.”
“But we’re not always separated. Hang it all, it seems to me that we’re always together.”
“But we’re not always apart. Honestly, it feels like we’re always together.”
“You don’t notice my absence as I notice yours,” said Bertha in a low voice, looking down.
“You don’t notice that I’m gone the way I notice you’re gone,” Bertha said quietly, looking down.
“But it’s raining cats and dogs, and you’ll get wet through, if you come.”
“But it’s pouring rain, and you’ll get soaked if you come.”
“What do I care about that if I’m with you!”
“What do I care about that if I’m with you!”
“Then come by all means if you like.”
“Then definitely come if you want.”
“Well, I think it would be very silly of you to come in the rain. You bet, I shouldn’t go if I could help it.”
“Well, I think it would be really silly for you to come in the rain. For sure, I shouldn’t go if I could avoid it.”
“Then go,” she said. She kept back with difficulty the bitter words which were on the tip of her tongue.
“Then go,” she said. She struggled to hold back the harsh words that were about to spill out.
“You’re much better at home,” said her husband, cheerfully. “I shall be in to tea at five. Ta-ta!”
“You’re much better at home,” her husband said with a smile. “I’ll be in for tea at five. Bye!”
He might have said a thousand things. He might have said that nothing would please him more than that she should accompany him, that the appointment could go to the devil and he would stay with her. But he went off, cheerfully whistling. He didn’t care. Bertha’s cheeks grew red with the humiliation of his refusal.
He could have said a thousand things. He could have said that nothing would make him happier than for her to join him, that the appointment could go to hell and he would stay with her. But he left, cheerfully whistling. He didn’t care. Bertha's cheeks turned red with the embarrassment of his rejection.
“He doesn’t love me,” she said, and suddenly burst into tears—the first tears of her married life, the first she had wept since her father’s death; and they made her ashamed. She tried to control them, but could not and wept ungovernably. Edward’s words seemed terribly cruel; she wondered how he could have said them.
“He doesn’t love me,” she said, and suddenly burst into tears—the first tears of her married life, the first she had cried since her father’s death; and they made her feel ashamed. She tried to hold them back, but couldn’t and cried uncontrollably. Edward’s words felt incredibly harsh; she wondered how he could have said them.
“I might have expected it,” she said; “he doesn’t love me.”
“I should have seen it coming,” she said; “he doesn’t love me.”
She grew angry with him, remembering the little coldnesses which had often pained her. Often he almost pushed her away when she came to caress him—because he had at the moment something else to occupy him; often he had left unanswered her protestations of undying affection. Did he not know that he cut her to the quick? When she said she loved him with all her heart, he wondered if the clock was wound up! Bertha brooded for two hours over her unhappiness, and, ignorant of the time, was surprised to hear the trap again at the door; her first impulse was to run and let Edward in, but she restrained herself. She was very angry. He entered, and shouting to her that he was wet and must change, pounded upstairs. Of course he had not noticed that for the first time since their marriage his wife had not met him in the hall when he came in—he never noticed anything.
She got angry with him, recalling the little moments of coldness that had often hurt her. He would often almost push her away when she tried to show him affection—because he was focused on something else at the time; he often left her declarations of everlasting love unanswered. Did he not realize that it hurt her deeply? When she told him she loved him with all her heart, he wondered if the clock was wound up! Bertha stewed over her unhappiness for two hours, and, unaware of the time, was surprised to hear the carriage at the door again; her first instinct was to rush and let Edward in, but she held herself back. She was really angry. He came in, shouting that he was wet and needed to change, and dashed upstairs. Of course, he hadn’t noticed that for the first time since their marriage, his wife didn’t greet him in the hall when he arrived—he never noticed anything.
“By Jove, I’m glad you didn’t come. The rain simply poured down. How about tea? I’m starving.”
“Wow, I’m really glad you didn’t come. It rained like crazy. How about some tea? I’m starving.”
He thought of his tea when Bertha wanted apologies, humble excuses, a plea for pardon. He was as cheerful as usual and quite unconscious that his wife had been crying herself into a towering passion.
He thought about his tea while Bertha wanted apologies, heartfelt excuses, and a request for forgiveness. He was as cheerful as ever and completely unaware that his wife had been crying herself into a furious rage.
“Did you buy your sheep?” she said, in an indignant tone. She was anxious for Edward to notice her discomposure, so that she might reproach him for his sins; but he noticed nothing.
“Did you get your sheep?” she said, with an offended tone. She was eager for Edward to see how upset she was so she could blame him for his wrongs; but he noticed nothing.
“Not much,” he cried. “I wouldn’t have given a fiver for the lot.”
“Not much,” he exclaimed. “I wouldn’t have paid a fiver for the whole thing.”
“You might as well have stayed with me, as I asked you.”
“You might as well have stayed with me, like I asked you to.”
“As far as business goes, I really might. But I dare say the drive across country did me good.” He was a man who always made the best of things.
“As far as business goes, I might actually do that. But I have to say the trip across the country was good for me.” He was a guy who always looked on the bright side.
Bertha took up a book and began reading.
Bertha picked up a book and started reading.
“Where’s the paper?” asked Edward. “I haven’t read the leading articles yet.”
“Where's the paper?” Edward asked. “I haven't read the main articles yet.”
“I’m sure I don’t know.”
"I really don't know."
They sat till dinner, Edward methodically going through the Standard, column after column; Bertha turning over the pages of her book, trying to understand, but occupied the whole time only with her injuries. They ate the meal almost in silence, for Edward was not talkative. He merely remarked that soon they would be having new potatoes and that he had met Dr. Ramsay. Bertha answered in mono-syllables.
They sat until dinner, Edward diligently going through the Standard, column by column; Bertha flipping through the pages of her book, trying to grasp it, but her mind was constantly on her injuries. They had the meal almost in silence, as Edward wasn't very talkative. He just mentioned that they would soon be having new potatoes and that he had run into Dr. Ramsay. Bertha replied in single syllables.
“You’re very quiet, Bertha,” he remarked, later in the evening. “What’s the matter?”
“You're really quiet, Bertha,” he said later that evening. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing!”
“Nothing!”
“Got a headache?”
“Got a headache?”
“No!”
“No way!”
“Do you care if I have a headache or not?” It was hardly a question so much as a taunt.
“Do you even care if I have a headache or not?” It was more of a taunt than a question.
He looked up with surprise. “What’s the matter?”
He looked up in shock. “What’s wrong?”
She looked at him and then, with a gesture of impatience, turned away. But coming to her, he put his arm round her waist.
She glanced at him and then, with an impatient gesture, turned away. But as he approached her, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Aren’t you well, dear?” he asked, with concern.
“Aren’t you okay, dear?” he asked, sounding worried.
She looked at him again, but now her eyes were full of tears and she could not repress a sob.
She looked at him again, but now her eyes were brimming with tears and she couldn't hold back a sob.
“Oh, Eddie, be nice to me,” she said, suddenly weakening.
“Oh, Eddie, please be nice to me,” she said, suddenly feeling vulnerable.
“Do tell me what’s wrong.”
"Please tell me what's wrong."
He put his arms round her and kissed her lips. The contact revived the passion which for an hour had lain a-dying, and she burst into tears.
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her lips. The touch reignited the passion that had been fading for an hour, and she started to cry.
“Don’t be angry with me, Eddie,” she sobbed; it was she who apologised and made excuses. “I’ve been horrid to you; I couldn’t help it. You’re not angry, are you?”
“Don’t be mad at me, Eddie,” she cried; she was the one who apologized and made excuses. “I’ve been awful to you; I couldn’t help it. You’re not mad, are you?”
“What on earth for?” he asked, completely mystified.
“What on earth for?” he asked, totally confused.
“I was so hurt this afternoon because you didn’t seem to care about me two straws. You must love me, Eddie; I can’t live without it.”
“I was really hurt this afternoon because you didn’t seem to care about me at all. You must love me, Eddie; I can’t live without it.”
“You are silly,” he said, laughing.
"You're silly," he said, laughing.
Chapter XI
BUT Edward was certainly not an ardent lover. Bertha could not tell when first she had noticed his irresponsiveness; at the beginning she had known only that she loved her husband with all her heart, and her ardour had lit up his somewhat pallid attachment till it seemed to glow as fiercely as her own. Yet gradually she began to think that he made very little return for the wealth of affection which she lavished upon him. The causes of her dissatisfaction were scarcely explicable: a slight motion of withdrawal, an indifference to her feelings—little nothings which had seemed almost comic. Bertha at first likened Edward to the Hippolitus of Phædra, he was untamed and wild; the kisses of woman frightened him; his phlegm pleased her disguised as rustic savagery, and she said her passion should thaw the icicles in his heart. But soon she ceased to consider his passiveness amusing, sometimes she upbraided him, and often, when alone, she wept.
BUT Edward was definitely not a passionate lover. Bertha couldn’t pinpoint when she first noticed his lack of enthusiasm; at first, she only knew that she loved her husband deeply, and her passion seemed to spark a somewhat pale affection in him, making it glow as intensely as her own. However, over time, she began to feel that he offered very little in return for the overwhelming love she gave him. The reasons for her discontent were hard to explain: a slight sense of distance, an indifference to her emotions—little things that had seemed almost funny. Initially, Bertha compared Edward to the Hippolytus of Phædra, untamed and wild; the idea of kissing scared him; his calmness delighted her, masked as rural wildness, and she believed her love would melt the ice in his heart. But eventually, she stopped finding his passivity amusing; sometimes she scolded him, and often, when she was alone, she cried.
“I wonder if you realise what pain you cause me at times,” said Bertha.
“I wonder if you realize how much pain you cause me sometimes,” said Bertha.
“Oh, I don’t think I do anything of the kind.”
“Oh, I don’t think I do anything like that.”
“You don’t see it.... When I kiss you, it is the most natural thing in the world for you to push me away, as if—almost as if you couldn’t bear me.”
“You don’t see it.... When I kiss you, it feels completely natural for you to push me away, as if—almost like you can’t stand me.”
“Nonsense!”
"That's nonsense!"
To himself Edward was the same now as when they were first married.
To Edward, he was still the same now as he was when they first got married.
After the day’s work he liked to read his Standard in peace, so when Bertha came up to him he put her gently aside.
After finishing work for the day, he enjoyed reading his Standard in peace, so when Bertha approached him, he gently moved her aside.
“Leave me alone for a bit, there’s a good girl.”
“Leave me alone for a while, okay? Good girl.”
“Oh, you don’t love me,” she cried then, feeling as if her heart would break.
“Oh, you don’t love me,” she cried out then, feeling like her heart was about to break.
He did not look up from his paper nor make reply; he was in the middle of a leading article.
He didn't look up from his paper or respond; he was in the middle of a main article.
“Why don’t you answer?” she cried.
“Why aren’t you answering?” she yelled.
“Because you’re talking nonsense.”
"Because you're talking nonsense."
He was the best-humoured of men, and Bertha’s temper never disturbed his equilibrium. He knew that women felt a little irritable at times, but if a man gave ’em plenty of rope, they’d calm down after a bit.
He was the most good-natured guy, and Bertha’s mood never threw him off balance. He understood that women could be a bit touchy sometimes, but if a guy gave them enough space, they would chill out after a while.
“Women are like chickens,” he told a friend. “Give ’em a good run, properly closed in with stout wire netting, so that they can’t get into mischief, and when they cluck and cackle just sit tight and take no notice.”
“Women are like chickens,” he told a friend. “Give them space to move around, properly fenced in with strong wire netting, so they can’t get into trouble, and when they cluck and cackle, just sit back and ignore it.”
Marriage had made no great difference in Edward’s life. He had always been a man of regular habits, and these he continued to cultivate. Of course he was more comfortable.
Marriage hadn't changed much in Edward's life. He had always been a person of routine, and he kept up those habits. Of course, he was more comfortable.
“There’s no denying it: a fellow wants a woman to look after him,” he told Dr. Ramsay, whom he sometimes met on the latter’s rounds. “Before I was married I used to find my shirts wore out in no time, but now when I see a cuff getting a bit groggy I just give it to the Missis and she makes it as good as new.”
“There's no doubt about it: a guy wants a woman to take care of him,” he said to Dr. Ramsay, whom he sometimes ran into during the latter's rounds. “Before I got married, my shirts would wear out in no time, but now when I see a cuff looking a bit worn, I just hand it to the Missus, and she makes it as good as new.”
“There’s a good deal of extra work, isn’t there, now you’ve taken on the Home Farm?”
“There’s a lot of extra work, isn’t there, now that you’ve taken on the Home Farm?”
“Oh, bless you, I enjoy it. Fact is, I can’t get enough work to do. And it seems to me that if you want to make farming pay nowadays you must do it on a big scale.”
“Oh, thank you, I really enjoy it. The truth is, I can't get enough work to keep me busy. And it seems to me that if you want to make farming profitable these days, you have to do it on a large scale.”
All day Edward was occupied, if not on the farms, then with business at Blackstable, Tercanbury, and Faversley.
All day, Edward was busy; if he wasn't on the farms, he was handling business in Blackstable, Tercanbury, and Faversley.
“I don’t approve of idleness,” he said. “They always say the devil finds work for idle hands to do, and upon my word I think there’s a lot of truth in it.”
“I don’t approve of laziness,” he said. “They always say the devil finds work for lazy hands to do, and honestly, I think there’s a lot of truth in that.”
“What a good fellow your husband is! You don’t mind my saying so, do you?”
“What a great guy your husband is! You don’t mind me saying that, do you?”
“Not if it pleases you,” said Bertha, drily.
“Not if that’s okay with you,” said Bertha, dryly.
“I hear praise of him from every side. Of course Charles has the highest opinion of him.”
“I hear people praising him everywhere. Of course, Charles thinks very highly of him.”
Bertha did not answer, and Miss Glover added, “You can’t think how glad I am that you’re so happy.”
Bertha didn’t respond, and Miss Glover said, “You can’t imagine how happy I am that you’re so content.”
Bertha smiled. “You’ve got such a kind heart, Fanny.”
Bertha smiled. “You have such a kind heart, Fanny.”
The conversation dragged, and after five minutes of heavy silence Miss Glover rose to go. When the door was closed upon her, Bertha sank back in her chair, thinking. This was one of her unhappy days—Eddie had walked into Blackstable, and she had wished to accompany him.
The conversation dragged on, and after five minutes of awkward silence, Miss Glover got up to leave. Once the door closed behind her, Bertha slumped back in her chair, lost in thought. It was one of those miserable days—Eddie had walked into Blackstable, and she had wanted to go with him.
“I don’t think you’d better come with me,” he said. “I’m in rather a hurry and I shall walk fast.”
“I don’t think you should come with me,” he said. “I’m in a bit of a hurry and I’ll be walking quickly.”
“I can walk fast too,” she said, her face clouding over.
“I can walk fast too,” she said, her expression darkening.
“No, you can’t—I know what you call walking fast. If you like you can come and meet me on the way back.”
“No, you can’t—I know what you mean by walking fast. If you want, you can come and meet me on the way back.”
“Oh, you do everything you can to hurt me. It looks as if you welcomed an opportunity of being cruel.”
“Oh, you do everything you can to hurt me. It seems like you jumped at the chance to be cruel.”
“How unreasonable you are, Bertha. Can’t you see that I’m in a hurry, and I haven’t got time to saunter along and chatter about the buttercups.”
“How unreasonable you are, Bertha. Can’t you see that I’m in a hurry, and I don’t have time to stroll and talk about the buttercups?”
“Well, let’s drive in.”
“Okay, let’s drive in.”
“That’s impossible. The mare isn’t well, and the pony had a hard day yesterday; he must rest to-day.”
"That's not possible. The mare isn't well, and the pony had a tough day yesterday; he needs to rest today."
“It’s simply because you don’t want me to come. It’s always the same, day after day. You invent anything to get rid of me.”
“It’s just that you don’t want me to come. It’s always the same, day after day. You come up with anything to get rid of me.”
She burst into tears, knowing that what she said was unjust, but feeling notwithstanding extremely ill-used. Edward smiled with irritating good temper.
She broke down in tears, realizing that what she said was unfair, but still feeling very mistreated. Edward smiled with annoyingly good humor.
“You’ll be sorry for what you’ve said when you’ve calmed down, and then you’ll want me to forgive you.”
“You’ll regret what you’ve said once you’ve calmed down, and then you’ll want me to forgive you.”
“No, I just think you’re out of sorts to-day.”
“No, I just think you’re a bit off today.”
Then he went out, whistling, and she heard him give an order to the gardener in his usual manner, as cheerful as if nothing had happened. Bertha knew that he had already forgotten the little scene. Nothing affected his good humour. She might weep, she might tear her heart out (metaphorically), and bang it on the floor, Edward would not be perturbed; he would still be placid, good-tempered, forbearing. Hard words, he said, broke nobody’s bones—“Women are like chickens, when they cluck and cackle sit tight and take no notice!”
Then he stepped outside, whistling, and she heard him give an order to the gardener just like always, cheerful as if nothing had happened. Bertha knew he had already forgotten the little scene. Nothing affected his good mood. She could cry, she could tear her heart out (figuratively), and slam it on the floor, but Edward wouldn’t be bothered; he would still be calm, good-natured, and patient. Harsh words, he said, don’t hurt anyone—“Women are like chickens; when they cluck and cackle, just sit tight and pay no attention!”
On his return Edward appeared not to see that his wife was out of temper. His spirits were always equable, and he was an unobservant person. She answered him in mono-syllables, but he chattered away, delighted at having driven a good bargain with a man in Blackstable. Bertha longed for him to remark upon her condition so that she might burst out with reproaches, but Edward was hopelessly dense—or else he saw and was unwilling to give her an opportunity to speak. Bertha, almost for the first time, was seriously angry with her husband and it frightened her—suddenly Edward seemed an enemy, and she wished to inflict some hurt upon him. She did not understand herself—what was going to happen next? Why wouldn’t he say something so that she might pour forth her woes and then be reconciled! The day wore on and she preserved a sullen silence; her heart was beginning to ache terribly—the night came, and still Edward made no sign; she looked about for a chance of beginning the quarrel, but nothing offered. Bertha pretended to go to sleep and she did not give him the kiss, the never-ending kiss of lovers which they always exchanged. Surely he would notice it, surely he would ask what troubled her, and then she could at last bring him to his knees. But he said nothing; he was dog-tired after a hard day’s work, and without a word went to sleep—in five minutes Bertha heard his heavy, regular breathing.
On his return, Edward didn’t seem to notice that his wife was upset. He was always in a good mood and tended not to pay attention to things. She responded with one-word answers, but he kept chatting, pleased that he had made a good deal with a man in Blackstable. Bertha wished he would comment on her mood so she could unleash her frustrations, but Edward was either clueless or chose not to give her the chance to talk. For almost the first time, Bertha was truly angry with her husband, and it scared her—suddenly, Edward felt like an adversary, and she wanted to hurt him. She didn’t understand her feelings—what would happen next? Why wouldn’t he say something so she could vent her troubles and then make up? The day dragged on, and she stayed silent; her heart began to ache painfully—the night fell, and still, Edward didn’t show any sign of noticing her. She looked for a way to start the argument, but nothing came up. Bertha pretended to fall asleep and didn’t give him the kiss, the endless kiss lovers always exchanged. Surely, he would notice it, surely he would ask what was wrong, and then she could finally bring him to his knees. But he said nothing; he was exhausted after a long day and went to sleep without a word—within five minutes, Bertha could hear his heavy, steady breathing.
“He’s stronger than I,” she said, “because he doesn’t love me.”
“He's stronger than I am,” she said, “because he doesn’t love me.”
Bertha wept silently; she could not bear to be angry with her husband. She would submit to anything rather than pass the night in wrath, and the next day as unhappily as this. She was entirely humbled. At last, unable any longer to bear the agony, she woke him.
Bertha cried quietly; she couldn't stand being mad at her husband. She would put up with anything to avoid spending the night in anger and waking up just as miserable the next day. She felt completely defeated. Finally, unable to tolerate the pain any longer, she woke him up.
“Eddie, you’ve not said good-night to me.”
“Eddie, you haven't said goodnight to me.”
“By Jove, I forgot all about it,” he answered, sleepily. Bertha stifled a sob.
“Wow, I totally forgot about that,” he replied, drowsily. Bertha held back a sob.
“Hulloa, what’s the matter?” he said. “You’re not crying just because I forgot to kiss you—I was awfully fagged, you know.”
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he said. “You’re not crying just because I forgot to kiss you—I was really tired, you know.”
He really had noticed nothing whatever; while she was passing through utter distress he had been as happily self-satisfied as usual. But the momentary recurrence of Bertha’s anger was quickly stilled. She could not afford now to be proud.
He really hadn’t noticed anything at all; while she was going through complete distress, he was as happily self-satisfied as ever. But Bertha’s brief anger was quickly calmed. She couldn’t afford to be proud right now.
“You’re not angry with me?” she said. “I can’t sleep unless you kiss me.”
“You're not mad at me?” she said. “I can't sleep unless you kiss me.”
“Silly girl!” he whispered.
"Silly girl!" he whispered.
“You do love me, don’t you?”
"You love me, right?"
“Yes.”
"Sure."
He kissed her as she loved to be kissed, and in the delight of it her anger was quite forgotten.
He kissed her just the way she loved to be kissed, and in that moment of joy, she completely forgot her anger.
“I can’t live unless you love me. Oh, I wish I could make you understand how I love you.... We’re friends again now, aren’t we?”
“I can't live without your love. Oh, I wish you could understand how much I love you... We're friends again now, right?”
“We haven’t ever been otherwise.”
“We've never been any different.”
Bertha gave a sigh of relief, and lay in his arms completely happy. A minute more and Edward’s breathing told her that he had already fallen asleep; she dared not move for fear of waking him.
Bertha let out a sigh of relief and lay in his arms, feeling completely happy. After a minute, she noticed Edward's breathing had changed, indicating he had already fallen asleep; she didn’t dare move, worried about waking him.
The summer brought Bertha new pleasures, and she set herself to enjoy the pastoral life which she had imagined. The elms of Court Leys now were dark with leaves; and the heavy, close-fitting verdure gave quite a stately look to the house. The elm is the most respectable of trees, over-pompous if anything, but perfectly well-bred; and the shade it casts is no ordinary shade, but solid and self-assured as befits the estate of a county family. The fallen trunk had been removed, and in the autumn young trees were to be planted in the vacant spaces. Edward had set himself with a will to put the place properly to rights. The spring had seen a new coat of paint on Court Leys, so that it looked spick and span as the suburban villa of a stockbroker. The beds which for years had been neglected, now were trim with the abominations of carpet bedding; squares of red geraniums contrasted with circles of yellow calcellarias; the overgrown boxwood was cut down to a just height; the hawthorn hedge was doomed, and Edward had arranged to enclose the grounds with a wooden pallisade and laurel bushes. The drive was decorated with several loads of gravel, so that it became a thing of pride to the successor of an ancient and lackadaisical race. Craddock had not reigned in their stead a fortnight before the grimy sheep were expelled from the lawns on either side of the avenue, and since then the grass had been industriously mown and rolled. Now a tennis-court had been marked out, which, as Edward said, made things look homely. Finally the iron gates were gorgeous in black and gold as suited the entrance to a gentleman’s mansion, and the renovated lodge proved to all and sundry that Court Leys was in the hands of a man who knew what was what, and delighted in the proprieties.
The summer brought Bertha new joys, and she set out to enjoy the countryside life she had dreamed of. The elms at Court Leys were now lush with leaves, and the dense greenery gave the house a grand appearance. The elm is the most dignified of trees, a bit over-the-top, but very refined; the shade it casts is solid and confident, fitting for the estate of a county family. The fallen trunk had been cleared away, and in the autumn, young trees were set to be planted in the empty spots. Edward was determined to set the place right. Spring had seen a fresh coat of paint on Court Leys, making it look as neat and tidy as a suburban villa belonging to a stockbroker. The flower beds that had been neglected for years were now neatly arranged with the garishness of carpet bedding; squares of red geraniums contrasted with circles of yellow calcellarias; the overgrown boxwood was trimmed to a proper height; the hawthorn hedge was set to be removed, and Edward had plans to surround the grounds with a wooden fence and laurel bushes. The driveway was covered with several loads of gravel, making it a source of pride for the successor of an ancient and lackadaisical family. Craddock had not been in charge for two weeks before the dirty sheep were removed from the lawns on either side of the path, and since then the grass had been diligently mowed and rolled. Now a tennis court was marked out, which, as Edward said, made things feel more homey. Finally, the iron gates were stunning in black and gold, fitting for the entrance to a gentleman's estate, and the renovated lodge showed everyone that Court Leys was under the care of a man who understood the importance of propriety and took joy in it.
Though Bertha abhorred all innovations, she had meekly accepted Edward’s improvements: they formed an inexhaustible topic of conversation, and his enthusiasm always pleased her.
Though Bertha hated all new ideas, she had quietly accepted Edward’s improvements: they provided endless topics for discussion, and his enthusiasm always made her happy.
“By Jove,” he said, rubbing his hands, “the changes will make your aunt simply jump, won’t they?”
“By Jove,” he said, rubbing his hands, “the changes are going to make your aunt absolutely thrilled, right?”
“They will indeed,” said Bertha, smiling.
“They definitely will,” said Bertha, smiling.
“She’ll hardly recognise the place; the house looks as good as new, and the grounds might have been laid out only half-a-dozen years ago.... Give me five years more and even you won’t know your old home.”
“She won’t hardly recognize the place; the house looks brand new, and the grounds could have been landscaped just six years ago.... Give me five more years and even you won’t recognize your old home.”
Miss Ley had at last accepted one of the invitations which Edward insisted should be showered upon her, and wrote to say she was coming down for a week. Edward was of course much pleased; as he said, he wanted to be friends with everybody, and it didn’t seem natural that Bertha’s only relative should make a point of avoiding them.
Miss Ley had finally accepted one of the invitations that Edward insisted on sending her, and she wrote to say she was coming down for a week. Edward was, of course, very pleased; as he said, he wanted to be friends with everyone, and it didn’t seem right that Bertha’s only relative was making an effort to avoid them.
“It looks as if she didn’t approve of our marriage, and it makes the people talk.”
“It seems like she disapproved of our marriage, and that has people talking.”
He met the good lady at the station, and somewhat to her disgust greeted her with effusion.
He met the nice lady at the station and, much to her annoyance, greeted her enthusiastically.
“Ah, here you are at last!” he bellowed, in his jovial way. “We thought you were never coming. Here, porter!” He raised his voice so that the platform shook and rumbled.
“Ah, there you are finally!” he shouted in his cheerful manner. “We thought you’d never show up. Hey, porter!” He raised his voice so loudly that the platform vibrated.
He seized both Miss Ley’s hands, and the terrifying thought flashed through her head that he would kiss her before the assembled multitude.
He grabbed both of Miss Ley’s hands, and a scary thought raced through her mind that he would kiss her in front of everyone.
“He’s cultivating the airs of the country squire,” she thought. “I wish he wouldn’t.”
“He's putting on the airs of a country gentleman,” she thought. “I wish he wouldn’t.”
He took the innumerable bags with which she travelled and scattered them among the attendants. He even tried to induce her to take his arm to the dog-cart, but this honour she stoutly refused.
He took the countless bags she had with her and handed them out to the staff. He even tried to encourage her to take his arm to the dog cart, but she firmly refused this honor.
“Now, will you come round to this side and I’ll help you up. Your luggage will come on afterwards with the pony.”
“Now, will you come over here and I’ll help you get up. Your luggage will arrive later with the pony.”
He was managing everything in a self-confident and masterful fashion; Miss Ley noticed that marriage had dispelled the shyness which had been in him rather an attractive feature. He was becoming bluff and hearty. Also he was filling out. Prosperity and a knowledge of greater importance had broadened his back and straightened his shoulders; he was quite three inches more round the chest than when she had first known him, and his waist had proportionately increased.
He was handling everything with confidence and skill; Miss Ley observed that marriage had removed the shyness that had once been rather charming. He was becoming more boisterous and friendly. He was also filling out. Success and a sense of being more significant had broadened his back and squared his shoulders; he was about three inches bigger in the chest than when she had first met him, and his waist had grown proportionately.
“If he goes on developing in this way,” she thought, “the good man will be colossal by the time he’s forty.”
“If he keeps growing like this,” she thought, “the good man will be amazing by the time he’s forty.”
“Of course, Aunt Polly,” he said, boldly dropping the respectful Miss Ley, which hitherto he had invariably used, though his new relative was not a woman whom most men would have ventured to treat familiarly. “Of course it’s all rot about your leaving us in a week; you must stay a couple of months at least.”
“Of course, Aunt Polly,” he said, confidently dropping the formal Miss Ley, which he had always used before, even though his new relative wasn’t someone most men would dare to treat so casually. “Of course it’s nonsense that you’re leaving us in a week; you have to stay for at least a couple of months.”
“It’s very good of you, dear Edward,” replied Miss Ley drily, “but I have other engagements.”
“It’s very kind of you, dear Edward,” Miss Ley replied dryly, “but I have other plans.”
“Then you must break them; I can’t have people leave my house immediately they come.”
“Then you need to break them; I can’t have people leaving my house as soon as they arrive.”
Miss Ley raised her eyebrows and smiled; was it his house already? Dear me!
Miss Ley raised her eyebrows and smiled; was it his house already? Wow!
“My dear Edward,” she answered, “I never stay anywhere longer than two days—the first day I talk to people, the second I let them talk to me, and the third I go.... I stay a week at hotels so as to go en pension, and get my washing properly aired.”
“Dear Edward,” she replied, “I never stay anywhere for more than two days—the first day I chat with people, the second I let them chat with me, and on the third, I leave.... I stay a week at hotels so I can go en pension and get my laundry properly done.”
“You’re treating us like a hotel,” said Edward, laughing.
“You're treating us like we're at a hotel,” Edward said, laughing.
“It’s a great compliment: in private houses one gets so abominably waited on.”
“It’s quite a compliment: in private homes, the service is just terrible.”
“Ah well, we’ll say no more about it. But I shall have your trunk taken to the box-room and I keep the key of it.”
“Alright, we won’t talk about it anymore. But I’ll have your suitcase moved to the storage room, and I’ll keep the key to it.”
Miss Ley gave the short, dry laugh which denoted that her interlocutor’s remark had not amused her, but something in her own mind. Presently they arrived at Court Leys.
Miss Ley let out a brief, flat laugh that showed her companion’s comment hadn’t entertained her, but rather something she was thinking about. Soon, they arrived at Court Leys.
“D’you see all the differences since you were last here?” asked Edward, jovially.
“Do you see all the changes since you were last here?” asked Edward, happily.
Miss Ley looked round and pursed her lips.
Miss Ley looked around and pursed her lips.
“It’s charming,” she said.
"It's charming," she said.
“I knew it would make you sit up,” he cried, laughing.
“I knew it would get your attention,” he exclaimed, laughing.
Bertha received her aunt in the hall and embraced her with the grave decorum which had always characterised their relations.
Bertha greeted her aunt in the hallway and hugged her with the serious formality that had always defined their relationship.
“How clever you are, Bertha,” said Miss Ley; “you manage to preserve your beautiful figure.”
“How clever you are, Bertha,” said Miss Ley; “you know how to maintain your beautiful figure.”
Chapter XII
THE passion to analyse the casual fellow-creature was the most absorbing vice that Miss Ley possessed; and no ties of relationship or affection (the two go not invariably together) prevented her from exercising her talents in that direction. She observed Bertha and Edward during luncheon: Bertha was talkative, chattering with a vivacity that seemed suspicious, about the neighbours—Mrs. Branderton’s new bonnets and new hair, Miss Glover’s good works and Mr. Glover’s visits to London; Edward was silent, except when he pressed Miss Ley to take a second helping. He ate largely, and the maiden lady noticed the enormous mouthfuls he took and the heartiness with which he drank his beer. Of course she drew conclusions; and she drew further conclusions, when, having devoured half a pound of cheese and taken a last drink of ale, he pushed back his chair and with a sort of low roar, reminding one of a beast of prey gorged with food, said—
THE desire to analyze her fellow humans was the biggest obsession that Miss Ley had; no family ties or feelings (which don’t always go together) stopped her from using her skills in that area. She watched Bertha and Edward during lunch: Bertha was chatty, talking with a liveliness that seemed questionable, about the neighbors—Mrs. Branderton’s new hats and hairstyle, Miss Glover’s charitable work, and Mr. Glover’s trips to London; Edward was quiet, except when he urged Miss Ley to take a second helping. He ate a lot, and the unmarried woman noticed the huge bites he took and the enthusiasm with which he drank his beer. Naturally, she drew conclusions; and she made further conclusions when, after finishing half a pound of cheese and taking one last swig of ale, he pushed back his chair and let out a low roar, reminiscent of a predator stuffed with food, and said—
“Ah, well, I suppose I must set about my work. There’s no rest for the weary.”
“Ah, well, I guess I should get to work. There’s no break for the tired.”
He pulled a new briar-wood pipe from his pocket, filled and lit it.
He took out a new briar pipe from his pocket, filled it, and lit it up.
“I feel better now.... Well, so-long; I shall be in to tea.”
“I feel better now.... Well, goodbye; I'll be in for tea.”
Conclusions buzzed about Miss Ley, like midges on a summer’s day. She drew them all the afternoon; she drew them all through dinner. Bertha was effusive too, unusually so; and Miss Ley asked herself a dozen times if this stream of chatter, these peals of laughter, proceeded from a light heart or from a base desire to deceive a middle-aged and inquiring aunt. After dinner, Edward, telling her that of course she was one of the family so he hoped she did not wish him to stand on ceremony, began to read the paper. When Bertha, at Miss Ley’s request, played the piano, good manners made him put it aside, and he yawned a dozen times in a quarter of an hour.
Conclusions buzzed around Miss Ley, like tiny bugs on a summer day. She attracted them all afternoon; they surrounded her during dinner. Bertha was unusually chatty and expressive; Miss Ley wondered multiple times if this flood of conversation and cheerful laughter came from genuine happiness or from a sneaky intention to trick her middle-aged, curious aunt. After dinner, Edward, telling her that since she was family, he hoped she didn’t expect him to be formal, began to read the newspaper. When Bertha played the piano at Miss Ley's request, good manners forced him to set it aside, and he yawned at least a dozen times in fifteen minutes.
“I mustn’t play any more,” said Bertha, “or Eddie will go to sleep—won’t you, darling?”
“I can’t play anymore,” said Bertha, “or Eddie will fall asleep—right, sweetheart?”
“I shouldn’t wonder,” he replied, laughing. “The fact is that the things Bertha plays when we’ve got company give me the fair hump!”
“I’m not surprised,” he replied, laughing. “The truth is that the songs Bertha plays when we have guests really annoy me!”
“Edward only consents to listen when I play The Blue Bells of Scotland or Yankee Doodle.”
“Edward will only listen when I play The Blue Bells of Scotland or Yankee Doodle.”
Bertha made the remark, smiling good-naturedly at her husband, but Miss Ley drew conclusions.
Bertha said this with a friendly smile at her husband, but Miss Ley jumped to conclusions.
“I don’t mind confessing that I can’t stand all this foreign music. What I say to Bertha is—why can’t you play English stuff?”
“I don’t mind admitting that I can’t stand all this foreign music. What I say to Bertha is—why can’t you play English songs?”
“If you must play at all,” interposed his wife.
“If you have to play at all,” his wife cut in.
“After all’s said and done The Blue Bells of Scotland has got a tune about it that a fellow can get his teeth into.”
“After everything is said and done, The Blue Bells of Scotland has a tune that a guy can really sink his teeth into.”
“You see, there’s the difference,” said Bertha, strumming a few bars of Rule Britannia, “it sets mine on edge.”
“You see, that’s the difference,” said Bertha, strumming a few bars of Rule Britannia, “it makes me uneasy.”
“Well, I’m patriotic,” retorted Edward. “I like the good, honest, homely English airs. I like ’em because they’re English. I’m not ashamed to say that for me the best piece of music that’s ever been written is God Save the Queen.”
“Well, I’m patriotic,” Edward shot back. “I love the genuine, down-to-earth English vibes. I like them because they’re English. I’m not embarrassed to say that for me the best piece of music ever written is God Save the Queen.”
“Which was written by a German, dear Edward,” said Miss Ley, smiling.
“Which was written by a German, dear Edward,” said Miss Ley, smiling.
“That’s as it may be,” said Edward, unabashed, “but the sentiment’s English and that’s all I care about.”
“That may be true,” said Edward, unashamed, “but the sentiment is English, and that’s all that matters to me.”
“Hear! hear!” cried Bertha. “I believe Edward has aspirations towards a political career. I know I shall finish up as the wife of the local M.P.”
“Hear! hear!” shouted Bertha. “I think Edward wants to pursue a political career. I just know I’m going to end up as the wife of the local M.P.”
“I’m patriotic,” said Edward, “and I’m not ashamed to confess it.”
“I love my country,” Edward said, “and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“It’s the same everywhere now,” proceeded the orator. “We’re choke full of foreigners and their goods. I think it’s scandalous. English music isn’t good enough for you—you get it from France and Germany. Where do you get your butter from? Brittany! Where d’you get your meat from? New Zealand!” This he said with great scorn, and Bertha punctuated the observation with a resounding chord. “And as far as the butter goes, it isn’t butter—it’s margarine. Where does your bread come from? America. Your vegetables from Jersey.”
“It’s the same everywhere now,” the speaker continued. “We’re loaded with foreigners and their products. I think it’s disgraceful. English music isn’t good enough for you—you get it from France and Germany. Where do you get your butter from? Brittany! Where do you get your meat from? New Zealand!” He said this with great disdain, and Bertha emphasized the point with a loud chord. “And about the butter, it’s not really butter—it’s margarine. Where does your bread come from? America. Your vegetables come from Jersey.”
“Your fish from the sea,” interposed Bertha.
“Your fish from the sea,” interrupted Bertha.
“And so it is all along the line—the British farmer hasn’t got a chance!”
“And that's how it is all the way down the line—the British farmer doesn't stand a chance!”
To this speech Bertha played a burlesque accompaniment, which would have irritated a more sensitive man than Craddock; but he merely laughed good-naturedly.
To this speech, Bertha played a comedic accompaniment that would have annoyed a more sensitive man than Craddock; but he just laughed good-naturedly.
“Bertha won’t take these things seriously,” he said, passing his hand affectionately over her hair.
“Bertha won’t take this seriously,” he said, affectionately running his hand over her hair.
She suddenly stopped playing, and his good-humour, joined with the loving gesture, filled her with remorse. Her eyes filled with tears.
She suddenly stopped playing, and his good humor, combined with the loving gesture, filled her with regret. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“You are a dear, good thing,” she faltered, “and I’m utterly horrid.”
“You're such a sweet person,” she stammered, “and I’m totally terrible.”
“Now don’t talk stuff before Aunt Polly. You know she’ll laugh at us.”
“Now don’t say anything in front of Aunt Polly. You know she’ll just laugh at us.”
“Oh, I don’t care,” said Bertha, smiling happily. She stood up and linked her arm with his. “Eddie’s the best tempered person in the world—he’s perfectly wonderful.”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” said Bertha, smiling happily. She got up and linked her arm with his. “Eddie’s the best-tempered person in the world—he’s absolutely amazing.”
“He must be, indeed,” said Miss Ley, “if you have preserved your faith in him after six months of marriage.”
“He must be, for sure,” said Miss Ley, “if you’ve kept your faith in him after six months of marriage.”
But the maiden lady had stored so many observations that she felt an urgent need to retire to the privacy of her bed-chamber, and sort them. She kissed Bertha and held out her hand to Edward.
But the unmarried woman had collected so many thoughts that she felt a strong need to go to the privacy of her bedroom and organize them. She kissed Bertha and extended her hand to Edward.
“Oh, if you kiss Bertha, you must kiss me too,” said he, bending forward with a laugh.
“Oh, if you're going to kiss Bertha, you have to kiss me too,” he said, leaning forward with a laugh.
“Upon my word!” said Miss Ley, somewhat taken aback; then as he was evidently insisting she embraced him on the cheek. She positively blushed.
“Honestly!” said Miss Ley, somewhat taken aback; then as he was clearly insisting, she kissed him on the cheek. She definitely blushed.
The upshot of Miss Ley’s investigations was that once again the hymeneal path had been found strewn with roses; and the idea crossed her head as she laid it on the pillow, that Dr. Ramsay would certainly come and crow over her: it was not in masculine human nature, she thought, to miss an opportunity of exulting over a vanquished foe.
The outcome of Miss Ley’s investigations was that once again the wedding path had been found covered with roses; and the thought crossed her mind as she laid her head on the pillow, that Dr. Ramsay would definitely come and gloat over her: it was not in male human nature, she thought, to pass up an opportunity to triumph over a defeated enemy.
“He’ll vow that I was the direct cause of the marriage. The dear man, he’ll be so pleased with my discomfiture that I shall never hear the last of it. He’s sure to call to-morrow.”
“He’ll claim that I was the main reason for the marriage. The sweet guy, he’ll be so happy about my embarrassment that I’ll never hear the end of it. He’s definitely going to call tomorrow.”
Indeed the news of Miss Ley’s arrival had been by Edward industriously spread abroad, and promptly Mrs. Ramsay put on her blue velvet calling-dress, and in the doctor’s brougham drove with him to Court Leys. The Ramsays found Miss Glover and the Vicar of Leanham already in possession of the field. Mr. Glover looked thinner and older than when Miss Ley had last seen him; he was more weary, meek and brow-beaten; Miss Glover never altered.
Indeed, Edward had worked hard to spread the news of Miss Ley’s arrival, and right away, Mrs. Ramsay put on her blue velvet calling dress and rode with the doctor in his carriage to Court Leys. The Ramsays found Miss Glover and the Vicar of Leanham already there. Mr. Glover looked thinner and older than when Miss Ley had last seen him; he seemed more tired, submissive, and worn down. Miss Glover hadn’t changed at all.
“The parish?” said the parson, in answer to Miss Ley’s polite inquiry, “I’m afraid it’s in a bad way. The dissenters have got a new chapel, you know—and they say the Salvation Army is going to set up ‘barracks’ as they call them. It’s a great pity the government doesn’t step in: after all we are established by law and the law ought to protect us from encroachment.”
“The parish?” said the pastor, responding to Miss Ley’s polite question. “I’m afraid it’s struggling. The dissenters have built a new chapel, and they say the Salvation Army is planning to set up ‘barracks,’ as they call them. It’s really a shame the government doesn’t intervene; after all, we’re established by law, and the law should protect us from encroachment.”
“You don’t believe in liberty of conscience?” asked Miss Ley.
“You don't believe in freedom of conscience?” asked Miss Ley.
“My dear Miss Ley,” said the Vicar, in his tired voice, “everything has its limits. I should have thought there was in the Established Church enough liberty of conscience for any one.”
“My dear Miss Ley,” said the Vicar, in his weary voice, “everything has its limits. I would have thought that there is enough freedom of conscience in the Established Church for anyone.”
“Yes,” replied the Vicar, with a weary sigh; “and as if we hadn’t enough to put up with, I hear that Walker has ceased coming to church.”
“Yes,” replied the Vicar, with a tired sigh; “and as if we didn’t have enough to deal with, I heard that Walker has stopped coming to church.”
“Oh dear, oh dear!” said Miss Glover.
“Oh no, oh no!” said Miss Glover.
“Walker, the baker?” asked Edward.
"Walker, the baker?" Edward asked.
“Yes; and now the only baker in Leanham who goes to church is Andrews.”
“Yes; and now the only baker in Leanham who goes to church is Andrews.”
“Well, we can’t possibly deal with him, Charles,” said Miss Glover, “his bread is too bad.”
“Well, we can’t possibly deal with him, Charles,” said Miss Glover, “his bread is too stale.”
“My dear, we must,” groaned her brother. “It would be against all my principles to deal with a tradesman who goes to chapel. You must tell Walker to send his book in, unless he will give an assurance that he’ll come to church regularly.”
“My dear, we have to,” her brother sighed. “It goes against all my principles to do business with someone who goes to church. You need to tell Walker to send his account over unless he promises to attend church regularly.”
“But Andrews’s bread always gives you indigestion, Charles,” cried Miss Glover.
“But Andrews’s bread always gives you indigestion, Charles,” exclaimed Miss Glover.
“I must put up with it. If none of our martyrdoms were more serious than that, we should have no cause to complain.”
“I have to deal with it. If none of our sacrifices were more serious than that, we wouldn’t have any reason to complain.”
“Well, it’s quite easy to get your bread from Tercanbury,” said Mrs. Ramsay, who was severely practical.
“Well, it’s pretty easy to get your bread from Tercanbury,” said Mrs. Ramsay, who was very practical.
Mr. Glover and his sister threw up their hands in dismay.
Mr. Glover and his sister raised their hands in frustration.
“Then Andrews would go to chapel too. The only thing that keeps them at church, I’m sorry to say, is the Vicarage custom, or the hope of getting it.”
“Then Andrews would go to church too. The only thing that keeps them at the church, I’m sorry to say, is the Vicarage tradition, or the hope of receiving it.”
Presently Miss Ley found herself alone with the parson’s sister.
Presently, Miss Ley found herself alone with the pastor's sister.
“You must be very glad to see Bertha again, Miss Ley.”
“You must be really happy to see Bertha again, Miss Ley.”
“Now she’s going to crow,” thought the good lady. “Of course I am.”
“Now she’s going to gloat,” thought the good lady. “Of course I am.”
“And it must be such a relief to you to see how well it’s all turned out.”
“And it must be such a relief for you to see how well everything has turned out.”
Miss Ley looked sharply at Miss Glover, but saw no trace of irony.
Miss Ley looked closely at Miss Glover, but saw no hint of irony.
“Of course the poor thing’s a perfect idiot,” thought Miss Ley. “Yes, it’s very satisfactory,” she said, drily.
“Of course the poor thing’s a total fool,” thought Miss Ley. “Yeah, it’s really satisfying,” she said, dryly.
She glanced round for Dr. Ramsay, looking forward, notwithstanding that she was on the losing side, to the tussle she foresaw. She had the instincts of a good fighter, and, even though defeat was inevitable, never avoided an encounter. The doctor approached.
She looked around for Dr. Ramsay, eager for the challenge she anticipated, even though she was on the losing side. She had the instincts of a good fighter, and even though defeat was certain, she never shied away from a confrontation. The doctor came closer.
“Well, Miss Ley. So you have come back to us. We’re all delighted to see you.”
“Well, Miss Ley. So you’re back with us. We’re all thrilled to see you.”
“How cordial these people are,” thought Miss Ley, somewhat crossly, thinking Dr. Ramsay’s remark preliminary to coarse banter or to reproach. “Shall we take a turn in the garden; I’m sure you wish to quarrel with me.”
“How friendly these people are,” thought Miss Ley, somewhat annoyed, interpreting Dr. Ramsay’s comment as a setup for rude jokes or criticism. “Shall we take a walk in the garden; I’m sure you want to argue with me.”
“There’s nothing I should like better—to walk in the garden, I mean: of course, no one could quarrel with so charming a person as yourself.”
“There’s nothing I’d love more than to take a walk in the garden, I mean: obviously, no one could argue with someone as lovely as you.”
“He would never be so polite if he did not mean afterwards to be very rude,” thought Miss Ley. “I’m glad you like the garden.”
“He wouldn’t be this polite if he didn’t plan to be very rude later,” thought Miss Ley. “I’m glad you like the garden.”
“Craddock has improved it so wonderfully. It’s a perfect pleasure to look at all he’s done.”
“Craddock has improved it so wonderfully. It’s such a joy to see everything he’s done.”
This Miss Ley considered a gibe, and searched for a repartee, but finding none was silent: Miss Ley was a wise woman! They walked a few steps without a word, and then Dr. Ramsay suddenly burst out—
This Miss Ley saw as a jab and looked for a comeback, but finding none, she kept quiet: Miss Ley was a wise woman! They walked a few steps in silence, and then Dr. Ramsay suddenly exclaimed—
“Well, Miss Ley, you were right after all.”
“Okay, Miss Ley, you were right after all.”
She stopped and looked at the speaker—he seemed quite serious.
She stopped and looked at the speaker—he seemed really serious.
“Yes,” he said, “I don’t mind acknowledging it. I was wrong. It’s a great triumph for you, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he said, “I don't mind admitting it. I was wrong. It's a big win for you, isn't it?”
He looked at her, and shook with good-tempered laughter.
He looked at her and shook with cheerful laughter.
“I can’t make out how the man’s done so much in so short a time. Why, just look at it!”
“I can’t believe how much the guy has accomplished in such a short time. I mean, just take a look at it!”
Miss Ley pursed her lips. “Even in its most dilapidated days Court Leys looked gentlemanly: now all this,” she glanced round with upturned nose, “might be the country mansion of a pork-butcher.”
Miss Ley pursed her lips. “Even in its most rundown days, Court Leys looked respectable: now all this,” she glanced around with a scornful expression, “could belong to the country mansion of a butcher.”
“My dear Miss Ley, you must pardon my saying so, but the place wasn’t even respectable.”
“My dear Miss Ley, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but the place wasn't even respectable.”
“But it is now; that is my complaint. My dear doctor, in the old days, the passer-by could see that the owners of Court Leys were decent people; that they could not make both ends meet was a detail—it was possibly because they burnt one end too rapidly, which is the sign of a rather delicate mind.” Miss Ley was mixing her metaphors. “And the passer-by moralised accordingly. For a gentleman there are only two decorous states, absolute poverty or overpowering wealth; the middle condition is vulgar. Now the passer-by sees thrift and careful management, the ends meet, but they do it aggressively, as if it were something to be proud about. Pennies are looked at before they are spent; and, good heavens! the Leys serve to point a moral and adorn a tale. The Leys, who gambled and squandered their substance, who bought diamonds when they hadn’t bread, and pawned the diamonds to give the King a garden-party, now form the heading of a copybook and the ideal of a market-gardener.”
“But that’s the issue now; that’s what bothers me. My dear doctor, back in the day, anyone passing by could tell that the owners of Court Leys were good people; the fact that they struggled financially was just a detail—it might have been because they burned through their money too quickly, which shows a rather sensitive mindset.” Miss Ley was mixing her metaphors. “And the passer-by drew their own conclusions. For a gentleman, there are only two acceptable states: absolute poverty or extreme wealth; anything in between is considered low-class. Now, the passer-by sees frugality and careful planning, the finances working out, but they act like it’s something to brag about. They scrutinize every penny before spending it; and, good heavens! the Leys have become a lesson and a cautionary tale. The Leys, who used to gamble and waste their fortune, who purchased diamonds when they didn’t have enough for food, and pawned those diamonds just to throw a garden party for the King, are now the example in textbooks and the standard for market gardeners.”
Miss Ley had the characteristics of the true phrase-maker, for so long as her period was well rounded, she did not mind how much nonsense it contained. Coming to the end of her tirade, she looked at the doctor for the signs of disapproval which she thought her right, but he merely laughed.
Miss Ley had the traits of a real phrase-maker; as long as her sentences were well-phrased, she didn’t care how much nonsense they included. When she finished her rant, she glanced at the doctor for any signs of disapproval, which she believed she deserved, but he just laughed.
“I see you want to rub it in,” he said.
“I see you want to shove it in my face,” he said.
“What on earth does the creature mean?” Miss Ley asked herself.
“What on earth does the creature mean?” Miss Ley wondered.
“I confess I did believe things would turn out badly,” the doctor proceeded. “And I couldn’t help thinking he’d be tempted to play ducks and drakes with the whole property. Well, I don’t mind frankly acknowledging that Bertha couldn’t have chosen a better husband; he’s a thoroughly good fellow; no one realised what he had in him, and there’s no knowing how far he’ll go.”
“I have to admit I thought things would end poorly,” the doctor continued. “And I couldn’t shake the feeling that he might mess around with the entire estate. Well, I’ll be honest, Bertha couldn’t have picked a better husband; he’s a genuinely good guy; nobody knew what he was capable of, and there’s no telling how far he’ll go.”
A man would have expressed Miss Ley’s feeling with a little whistle, but that lady merely raised her thin eyebrows. Then Dr. Ramsay shared the opinion of Miss Glover?
A guy might have expressed Miss Ley’s feelings with a quick whistle, but she just raised her thin eyebrows. So, did Dr. Ramsay share Miss Glover's opinion?
“And what precisely is the opinion of the county?” she asked. “Of that odious Mrs. Branderton, of Mrs. Ryle (she has no right to the Mayston at all), of the Hancocks, and the rest?”
“And what exactly does the county think?” she asked. “About that dreadful Mrs. Branderton, about Mrs. Ryle (she has no claim to the Mayston at all), about the Hancocks, and the others?”
“Edward Craddock has won golden opinions all round. Every one likes him, and thinks well of him. No, I assure you, although I’m not so fond as all that of confessing I was wrong, he’s the right man in the right place. It’s extraordinary how people took up to him and respect him already.... I give you my word for it, Bertha has reason to congratulate herself—a girl doesn’t pick up a husband like that every day of the week.”
“Edward Craddock has received praise from everyone. Everyone likes him and thinks highly of him. I’ll be honest, even though I’m not usually one to admit I was wrong, he’s exactly the right person for the job. It’s amazing how quickly people have taken to him and already respect him.... I swear, Bertha has every reason to be proud of herself—there aren’t many girls who find a husband like that every day of the week.”
Miss Ley smiled; it was a great relief to find that she really was no more foolish than most people (so she modestly put it), for a doubt on the subject had given her some uneasiness.
Miss Ley smiled; it was a huge relief to realize that she wasn’t any more foolish than most people (as she humbly put it), since having doubts about it had caused her some worry.
“So every one thinks they’re as happy as turtle-doves?”
“So everyone thinks they’re as happy as lovebirds?”
“Why, so they are,” cried the doctor; “surely you don’t think otherwise?”
“Why, they are,” exclaimed the doctor; “surely you don’t think differently?”
Miss Ley never considered it a duty to dispel the error of her fellow-creatures, and whenever she had a little piece of knowledge, vastly preferred keeping it to herself.
Miss Ley never thought it was her responsibility to correct the misunderstandings of others, and whenever she learned something new, she greatly preferred to keep it to herself.
“I?” she answered to the doctor’s question. “I make a point of thinking with the majority—it’s the only way to get a reputation for wisdom!” But Miss Ley, after all, was only human. “Which do you think is the predominant partner?” she asked, smiling drily.
“I?” she replied to the doctor’s question. “I always make sure to think like most people—it’s the only way to build a reputation for being wise!” But Miss Ley, after all, was only human. “Which do you think is the dominant partner?” she asked, smiling dryly.
“The man, as he should be,” gruffly replied the doctor.
“The man, as he should be,” the doctor replied gruffly.
“Do you think he has more brains?”
"Do you think he's brainier?"
“My dear doctor, my gloves are sixes, and perceive my shoes.” She put out for the old gentleman’s inspection a very pointed, high-heeled shoe, displaying at the same time the elaborate open-work of a silk stocking.
“My dear doctor, my gloves are size six, and take a look at my shoes.” She extended her foot for the old gentleman’s inspection, showcasing a very pointed, high-heeled shoe, while also revealing the intricate design of her silk stocking.
“Do you intend me to take that as an acknowledgment of the superiority of man?”
“Are you expecting me to take that as a recognition of man's superiority?”
“Heavens, how argumentative you are!” Miss Ley laughed, for she was getting into her own particular element. “I knew you wished to quarrel with me. Do you really want my opinion?”
“Heavens, you’re so argumentative!” Miss Ley laughed, as she was getting into her groove. “I knew you wanted to pick a fight with me. Do you really want my opinion?”
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
“Well, it seems to me that if you take the very clever woman and set her beside an ordinary man, you prove nothing. That is how women mostly argue. We place George Eliot (who, by the way, had nothing of the woman but petticoats—and those not always) beside plain John Smith, and ask tragically if such a woman can be considered inferior to such a man. But that’s silly! The question I’ve been asking myself for the last five-and-twenty years is, whether the average fool of a woman is a greater fool than the average fool of a man.”
“Well, it seems to me that if you take a really smart woman and put her next to an average guy, you’re not proving anything. That’s how women usually argue. We put George Eliot (who, by the way, had nothing feminine about her except for her skirts—and not even those all the time) next to plain John Smith, and dramatically ask if such a woman can be seen as inferior to such a man. But that’s ridiculous! The question I’ve been pondering for the last twenty-five years is whether the average foolish woman is a greater fool than the average foolish man.”
“And the answer?”
"What's the answer?"
“Well, upon my word, I don’t think there’s much to choose between them.”
“Well, I swear, I don't think there's much difference between them.”
“Then you haven’t really an opinion on the subject at all?” cried the doctor.
“Then you don't really have an opinion on the subject at all?” exclaimed the doctor.
“That is why I give it you.”
"That’s why I’m giving it to you."
“Hm!” grunted Dr. Ramsay. “And how does that apply to the Craddocks?”
“Hm!” grunted Dr. Ramsay. “And how does that connect to the Craddocks?”
“It doesn’t apply to them.... I don’t think Bertha is a fool.”
“It doesn’t apply to them... I don’t think Bertha is an idiot.”
“She couldn’t be, having had the discretion to be born your niece, eh?”
“She couldn’t be, having had the good sense to be born your niece, right?”
“Why, doctor, you’re growing quite pert.”
“Why, doctor, you’re getting pretty bold.”
They had finished the tour of the garden and Mrs. Ramsay was seen in the drawing-room, bidding Bertha good-by.
They had wrapped up the garden tour, and Mrs. Ramsay was spotted in the living room, saying goodbye to Bertha.
“Every one is always right,” said Miss Ley.
“Everyone is always right,” said Miss Ley.
“And what is your opinion?”
"What do you think?"
“Good heavens, what an insistent man it is! Well, Dr. Ramsay, all I would suggest is that—for Bertha, you know, the book of life is written throughout in italics; for Edward it is all in the big round hand of the copybook headings.... Don’t you think it will make the reading of the book somewhat difficult?”
Chapter XIII
WITH the summer Edward began to teach Bertha lawn-tennis; and in the long evenings, when he had finished his work and changed into the flannels which suited him so well, they played innumerable sets. He prided himself upon his skill in this pursuit and naturally found it dull to play with a beginner; but he was very patient, hoping that eventually Bertha would acquire sufficient skill to give him a good game. To be doing something with her husband sufficiently amused Bertha. She liked him to correct her mistakes, to show her this stroke and that; she admired his good nature and his inexhaustible spirits. But her greatest delight was to lie on the long chair by the lawn when they had finished, and enjoy the feeling of exhaustion, gossiping of the little nothings which love made absorbingly interesting.
WITH the arrival of summer, Edward started teaching Bertha lawn tennis. During the long evenings, after finishing his work and changing into his well-fitting flannels, they played countless sets. He took pride in his skills and found it pretty boring to play with a beginner, but he was very patient, hoping that Bertha would eventually develop enough skill to provide him with a solid challenge. Bertha was content just being active with her husband. She appreciated when he corrected her mistakes and showed her different strokes; she admired his good nature and boundless energy. But her biggest joy was lying on the long chair by the lawn after they finished, relishing the feeling of exhaustion while chatting about the little things that love made incredibly interesting.
Miss Ley had been persuaded to prolong her stay. She had vowed to go at the end of her week; but Edward, in his high-handed fashion, had ordered the key of the box-room to be given him, and refused to surrender it.
Miss Ley had been convinced to extend her stay. She had promised to leave at the end of her week; but Edward, in his bossy way, had demanded the key to the storage room and wouldn't give it back.
“Oh no,” he said, “I can’t make people come here, but I can prevent them from going away. In this house every one has to do as I tell them; isn’t that so, Bertha?”
“Oh no,” he said, “I can’t make people come here, but I can stop them from leaving. In this house, everyone has to do what I say; right, Bertha?”
“If you say it, Edward,” replied his wife.
“If you say it, Edward,” replied his wife.
Miss Ley gracefully acceded to her nephew’s desire, which was the more easy, since the house was comfortable, she had really no pressing engagements, and her mind was set upon making further examination into the married life of her relations. It would have been a weakness, unworthy of her, to maintain her intention for consistence’ sake.
Miss Ley gracefully agreed to her nephew’s wish, which was easier since the house was comfortable, she had no urgent commitments, and she was interested in learning more about the married lives of her relatives. It would have been a flaw, beneath her, to stick to her original plan just for the sake of consistency.
Why for days together were Edward and Bertha the happiest lovers, and then suddenly why did Bertha behave almost brutally towards her husband, while he remained invariably good-tempered and amiable? The obvious reason was that some little quarrel had arisen, such as, since Adam and Eve, has troubled every married couple in the world; but the obvious reason was that which Miss Ley was least likely to credit. She never saw anything in the way of a disagreement, Bertha assented to all her husband’s proposals; and with such docility on the one hand, such good-humour on the other, what on earth could form a bone of contention?
Why were Edward and Bertha the happiest couple for days, and then suddenly why did Bertha act almost cruelly towards her husband, while he remained consistently cheerful and friendly? The obvious reason was that some small argument had come up, just like the ones that have troubled every married couple since Adam and Eve; but the obvious reason was the one Miss Ley was least likely to believe. She never noticed any disagreements; Bertha agreed with all her husband’s suggestions. With such willingness on one side and such good humor on the other, what on earth could possibly cause a conflict?
Miss Ley had discovered that when the green leaves of life are turning red and golden with approaching autumn, most pleasure can be obtained by a judicious mingling in simplicity of the gifts of nature and the resources of civilisation. She was satisfied to come in the evenings to the tennis-lawn and sit on a comfortable chair shaded by trees, and protected by a red parasol from the rays of the setting sun. She was not a woman to find distraction in needlework, and brought with her, therefore, a volume of Montaigne, her favourite writer. She read a page and then lifted her sharp eyes to the players. Edward was certainly very handsome—he looked so clean, and it was obvious to the most casual observer that he bathed himself daily: he was one of those men who carry the morning tub stamped on every line of their faces. You felt that Pear’s Soap was as essential to him as his belief in the Conservative Party, Derby Day, and the Depression of Agriculture. As Bertha often said, his energy was superabundant. Notwithstanding his increasing size he was most agile, and perpetually did unnecessary feats of strength, such as jumping and hopping over the net, holding chairs with outstretched arm.
Miss Ley had discovered that when the green leaves of life are turning red and golden with the coming of autumn, the most enjoyment can be found in a thoughtful mix of nature's gifts and the conveniences of civilization. She was content to spend her evenings at the tennis lawn, sitting in a comfy chair under the trees, protected by a red parasol from the setting sun. She wasn't one to get lost in needlework, so she brought along a book by Montaigne, her favorite author. She would read a page and then glance up at the players. Edward was definitely very handsome—he looked so well-groomed, and it was clear to even the most casual observer that he bathed every day: he was one of those men whose morning routine is evident in every feature. You could tell that Pear's Soap was as crucial to him as his faith in the Conservative Party, Derby Day, and the struggles of agriculture. As Bertha often remarked, his energy was overflowing. Despite his growing size, he was quite agile and constantly performed pointless displays of strength, like jumping and hopping over the net or holding chairs with his arm outstretched.
“If health and a good digestion are all that is necessary in a husband, Bertha certainly ought to be the most contented woman alive.”
“If health and good digestion are all that a husband needs, Bertha should definitely be the happiest woman alive.”
Miss Ley never believed so implicitly in her own theories that she was prevented from laughing at them. She had an impartial mind and saw the two sides of a question clearly enough to find little to choose between them; consequently she was able and willing to argue with equal force from either point of view.
Miss Ley never believed so completely in her own theories that she couldn't laugh at them. She had an unbiased mind and understood both sides of a question clearly enough to see little difference between them; as a result, she was able and willing to argue equally strongly from either perspective.
The set was finished, and Bertha threw herself on a chair, panting.
The set was done, and Bertha collapsed into a chair, out of breath.
“Find the balls, there’s a dear,” she cried.
“Find the balls, please,” she cried.
Edward went off on the search, and Bertha looked at him with a delightful smile.
Edward set off on his search, and Bertha watched him with a bright smile.
“He is such a good-tempered person,” she said to Miss Ley. “Sometimes he makes me feel positively ashamed.”
“He's such a good-natured person,” she said to Miss Ley. “Sometimes he makes me feel genuinely embarrassed.”
“He has all the virtues. Dr. Ramsay, the Glovers, even Mrs. Branderton, have been dinning his praise into my ears.”
“He has all the qualities. Dr. Ramsay, the Glovers, and even Mrs. Branderton have been singing his praises to me.”
“Yes, they all like him. Arthur Branderton is always here, asking his advice about something or other. He’s a dear, good thing.”
“Yes, everyone likes him. Arthur Branderton is always around, asking for his advice on different things. He’s just a sweet, good guy.”
“Who? Arthur Branderton?”
"Who? Arthur Branderton?"
“No, of course not—Eddie.”
“No, of course not—Eddie.”
Bertha took off her hat and stretched herself more comfortably on the long chair. Her hair was somewhat disarranged, and the rich locks wandered about her forehead and on the nape of her neck in a way that would have distracted any minor poet under seventy. Miss Ley looked at her niece’s fine profile, and wondered again at the complexion, made up of the softest colours in the setting sun. Her eyes now were liquid with love, languorous with the shade of long lashes; and her full, sensual mouth was half open with a smile.
Bertha removed her hat and settled more comfortably on the long chair. Her hair was a bit messy, with the luxurious strands falling across her forehead and the back of her neck in a way that would have captivated any lesser poet under seventy. Miss Ley gazed at her niece's beautiful profile, marveling once again at her complexion, which blended the softest colors of the setting sun. Her eyes were now sparkling with affection, heavy with the shadow of long lashes, and her full, sensual lips were slightly parted in a smile.
“Is my hair very untidy?” asked Bertha, catching Miss Ley’s look and its meaning.
“Is my hair really messy?” asked Bertha, catching Miss Ley’s gaze and its meaning.
“No, I think it suits you when it is not done too severely.”
“No, I think it looks good on you when it’s not too harsh.”
“Edward hates it; he likes me to be prim.... And of course I don’t care how I look so long as he’s pleased. Don’t you think he’s very good-looking?” Then without waiting for an answer, she asked a second question.
“Edward hates it; he likes me to be proper.... And of course I don’t care how I look as long as he’s happy. Don’t you think he’s really good-looking?” Then without waiting for an answer, she asked a second question.
“My dear, it’s surely the proper behaviour with one’s lawful spouse.”
“My dear, that’s definitely how you should act with your legal partner.”
Bertha’s smile became a little sad as she replied—
Bertha's smile turned a bit sad as she responded—
“Edward seems to think it unusual.” She followed him with her eyes, picking up the balls one by one, hunting among bushes: she was in the mood for confidences that afternoon. “You don’t know how different everything has been since I fell in love. The world is fuller.... It’s the only state worth living in.” Edward advanced with the eight balls on his racket. “Come here and be kissed, Eddie,” she cried.
“Edward seems to find it strange.” She watched him closely, picking up the balls one by one, searching among the bushes: she was feeling open that afternoon. “You have no idea how different everything has been since I fell in love. The world feels so much more alive... It’s the only way to live.” Edward approached with the eight balls on his racket. “Come here and let me kiss you, Eddie,” she shouted.
“Not if I know it,” he replied, laughing. “Bertha’s a perfect terror. She wants me to spend my whole life in kissing her.... Don’t you think it’s unreasonable, Aunt Polly? My motto is: everything in its place and season.”
“Not if I can help it,” he said, laughing. “Bertha’s a total handful. She wants me to spend my whole life kissing her.... Don’t you think that’s unreasonable, Aunt Polly? My motto is: everything has its time and place.”
“One kiss in the morning,” said Bertha, “one kiss at night, will do to keep your wife quiet; and the rest of the time you can attend to your work and read your paper.”
“One kiss in the morning,” said Bertha, “one kiss at night, will keep your wife happy; and the rest of the time you can focus on your work and read your paper.”
Again Bertha smiled charmingly, but Miss Ley saw no amusement in her eyes.
Again, Bertha smiled sweetly, but Miss Ley saw no humor in her eyes.
“Well, one can have too much of a good thing,” said Edward, balancing his racket on the tip of his nose.
“Well, you can have too much of a good thing,” said Edward, balancing his racket on the tip of his nose.
“Even of proverbial philosophy,” remarked Bertha.
“Even of proverbial philosophy,” Bertha remarked.
A few days later, his guest having definitely announced that she must go, Edward proposed a tennis-party as a parting honour. Miss Ley would gladly have escaped an afternoon of small-talk with the notabilities of Leanham, but Edward was determined to pay his aunt every attention, and his inner consciousness assured him that at least a small party was necessary to the occasion. They came, Mr. and Miss Glover, the Brandertons, the Hancocks, Mr. Atthill Bacot, the great politician (of the district). But Mr. Atthill Bacot was more than political, he was gallant, and he devoted himself to the entertainment of Miss Ley. He discussed with her the sins of the government and the incapacity of the army.
A few days later, when his guest made it clear she had to leave, Edward suggested throwing a tennis party as a farewell gesture. Miss Ley would have happily skipped an afternoon of small talk with the locals of Leanham, but Edward was set on giving his aunt the attention she deserved, and he felt that at least a small gathering was necessary for the occasion. They arrived, including Mr. and Miss Glover, the Brandertons, the Hancocks, and Mr. Atthill Bacot, the prominent politician of the area. However, Mr. Atthill Bacot was more than just a politician; he was charming and focused on entertaining Miss Ley. He talked to her about the government's failures and the army's incompetence.
“More men, more guns!” he said. “An elementary education in common sense for the officers, and the rudiments of grammar if there’s time!”
“More guys, more guns!” he said. “A basic education in common sense for the officers, and a little grammar if we have time!”
“Good heavens, Mr. Bacot, you mustn’t say such things. I thought you were a Conservative.”
“Goodness, Mr. Bacot, you shouldn’t say things like that. I thought you were a Conservative.”
“Madam, I stood for the constituency in ’85. I may say that if a Conservative member could have got in, I should have been elected. But there are limits. Even the staunch Conservative will turn. Now look at General Hancock.”
“Ma'am, I ran for the constituency in '85. I can say that if a Conservative candidate could have won, it would have been me. But there are limits. Even the most loyal Conservative will change their mind. Just look at General Hancock.”
“Please don’t talk so loud,” said Miss Ley, with alarm, for Mr. Bacot had instinctively adopted his platform manner, and his voice could be heard through the whole garden.
“Please don’t speak so loudly,” said Miss Ley, with concern, as Mr. Bacot had instinctively taken on his speaking style, and his voice could be heard all over the garden.
“Look at General Hancock, I say,” he repeated, taking no notice of the interruption. “Is that the sort of man whom you would wish to have the handling of ten thousand of your sons?”
“Look at General Hancock, I say,” he repeated, ignoring the interruption. “Is that the kind of man you would want in charge of ten thousand of your sons?”
“Oh, but be fair,” cried Miss Ley, laughing. “They’re not all such fools as poor General Hancock.”
“Oh, come on, be fair,” laughed Miss Ley. “Not everyone is as clueless as poor General Hancock.”
“I give you my word, madam, I think they are.... As far as I can make out, when a man has shown himself incapable of doing anything else they make him a general, just to encourage the others. I understand the reason. It’s a great thing, of course, for parents sending their sons into the army to be able to say, ‘Well, he may be a fool, but there’s no reason why he shouldn’t become a general.’”
“I promise you, ma'am, I think they are.... From what I see, when a man proves he can't do anything else, they just make him a general to motivate the others. I get why they do it. It's a big deal for parents sending their sons to the army because they can say, ‘Well, he might be an idiot, but there’s no reason he can’t become a general.’”
“You wouldn’t rob us of our generals,” said Miss Ley; “they’re so useful at tea-parties. In my young days the fool of the family was sent into the Church, but now, I suppose, he’s sent into the army.”
“You wouldn’t take away our generals,” said Miss Ley; “they’re so handy at tea parties. Back in my day, the family idiot was sent into the Church, but now, I guess, he’s sent into the army.”
Mr. Bacot was about to make a very heated retort when Edward called to him—
Mr. Bacot was just about to snap back with a really heated reply when Edward called out to him—
“We want you to make up a set at tennis. Will you play with Miss Hancock against my wife and the General? Come on, Bertha.”
“We want you to join us for a tennis set. Will you play with Miss Hancock against my wife and the General? Let's go, Bertha.”
“You must, or you’ll disarrange the next lot. It’s all settled; Miss Glover and I are going to take on Miss Jane Hancock and Arthur Branderton.”
“You have to, or you’ll mess up the next group. It’s all set; Miss Glover and I are going to team up with Miss Jane Hancock and Arthur Branderton.”
Bertha looked at him with eyes flashing angrily. Of course he did not notice her vexation. He preferred to play with Miss Glover, she told herself; the parson’s sister played well, and for a good game he would never hesitate to sacrifice his wife’s feelings. Besides Bertha, only Miss Glover and young Branderton were within earshot, and in his jovial, pleasant manner, Edward laughingly said—
Bertha glared at him, her eyes full of anger. Of course, he didn’t notice how upset she was. She told herself he would rather play with Miss Glover; the parson’s sister was a good player, and for a fun game, he wouldn’t think twice about ignoring his wife’s feelings. Besides Bertha, only Miss Glover and young Branderton were close enough to hear, and in his cheerful, friendly way, Edward jokingly said—
“Bertha’s such a duffer. Of course she’s only just beginning. You don’t mind playing with the General, do you, dear?”
“Bertha’s such a clutz. Of course, she’s just starting out. You don’t mind playing with the General, do you, dear?”
Arthur Branderton laughed and Bertha smiled at the sally, but she reddened.
Arthur Branderton laughed, and Bertha smiled at the quip, but she blushed.
“I’m not going to play at all. I must see to the tea; and I dare say more people will be coming in presently.”
“I’m not going to play at all. I need to take care of the tea; and I’m sure more people will be coming in soon.”
“Oh, I forgot that,” said Edward. “No; perhaps you oughtn’t to play.” And then putting his wife out of his thoughts, and linking his arm with young Branderton’s, he sauntered off. “Come along, old chap; we must find some crock to make up the pat-ball set.” Edward had such a charming, frank manner, one could not help liking him.
“Oh, I forgot that,” said Edward. “No; maybe you shouldn’t play.” And then, pushing thoughts of his wife aside and linking his arm with young Branderton’s, he strolled off. “Come on, buddy; we need to find something to complete the pat-ball set.” Edward had such a charming, open personality that it was impossible not to like him.
Bertha watched the two men go and turned very white.
Bertha watched the two men leave and turned very pale.
“I must just go into the house a moment,” she said to Miss Glover. “Go and entertain Mrs. Branderton, there’s a dear.” And precipitately she fled.
“I just need to pop into the house for a moment,” she said to Miss Glover. “Go and keep Mrs. Branderton company, would you?” And she hurried away.
She ran to her room, and flinging herself on the bed, burst into a flood of tears. The humiliation seemed dreadful. She wondered how Eddie, whom she loved above all else in the world, could treat her so cruelly. What had she done? He knew—ah, yes, he knew well enough the happiness he could cause her—and he went out of his way to be brutal. She wept bitterly, and jealousy of Miss Glover (Miss Glover, of all people!) stabbed her to the heart.
She dashed to her room, and throwing herself onto the bed, started crying uncontrollably. The embarrassment felt terrible. She couldn’t understand how Eddie, the one she loved more than anyone in the world, could be so mean to her. What had she done? He knew—oh, yes, he definitely knew how happy he could make her—and yet he chose to be harsh. She sobbed deeply, and jealousy of Miss Glover (Miss Glover, of all people!) pierced her heart.
“He doesn’t love me,” she moaned, her tears redoubling.
“He doesn’t love me,” she cried, her tears flowing even more.
“Who is it?” she cried.
“Who is it?” she yelled.
The handle was turned and Miss Glover came in, red with nervousness.
The handle was turned and Miss Glover walked in, flushed with nervousness.
“Forgive me for coming in, Bertha. But I thought you seemed unwell. Can’t I do something for you?”
“Sorry for dropping by, Bertha. I noticed you looked a bit unwell. Can I do anything to help?”
“Oh, I’m all right,” said Bertha, drying her tears, “Only the heat upset me and I’ve got a headache.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” said Bertha, wiping away her tears, “It was just the heat that got to me and now I have a headache.”
“Shall I send Edward to you?”
“Should I send Edward to you?”
“What do I want with Edward?” replied Bertha, petulantly. “I shall be all right in five minutes. I often have attacks like this.”
“What do I want with Edward?” Bertha replied, annoyed. “I’ll be fine in five minutes. I often have episodes like this.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to say anything unkind. He’s kindness itself, I know.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to say anything hurtful. He’s the kindest person I know.”
Bertha flushed. “What on earth do you mean, Fanny? Who didn’t say anything unkind?”
Bertha blushed. “What are you talking about, Fanny? Who said anything mean?”
“I thought you were hurt by Edward’s saying you were a duffer and a beginner.”
“I thought you were upset by Edward calling you a loser and a novice.”
“Oh, my dear, you must think me a fool.” Bertha laughed hysterically. “It’s quite true that I’m a duffer. I tell you it’s only the weather. Why, if my feelings were hurt each time Eddie said a thing like that I should lead a miserable life.”
“Oh, my dear, you must think I'm an idiot.” Bertha laughed uncontrollably. “It’s true that I’m clueless. I swear it’s just the weather. Honestly, if I got upset every time Eddie said something like that, I would have a miserable life.”
“I wish you’d let me send him up to you,” said Miss Glover, unconvinced.
“I wish you’d let me send him up to you,” Miss Glover said, not convinced.
“Good heavens! Why? See, I’m all right now.” She washed her eyes and passed the powder-puff over her face. “My dear, it was only the sun.”
“Good heavens! Why? Look, I’m fine now.” She cleaned her eyes and patted her face with the powder puff. “My dear, it was just the sun.”
With an effort she braced herself, and burst into a laugh joyful enough almost to deceive the Vicar’s sister.
With some effort, she steadied herself and broke into a laugh that was joyful enough to almost fool the Vicar’s sister.
“Now, we must go down, or Mrs. Branderton will complain more than ever of my bad manners.”
“Now, we need to go downstairs, or Mrs. Branderton will complain even more about my bad manners.”
She put her arm round Miss Glover’s waist and ran her down the stairs to the mingled terror and amazement of that good creature. For the rest of the afternoon, though her eyes never rested on Edward, she was perfectly charming—in the highest spirits, chattering incessantly, laughing; every one noticed her good humour and commented upon her obvious felicity.
She wrapped her arm around Miss Glover’s waist and ran her down the stairs, leaving that good person feeling both terrified and amazed. For the rest of the afternoon, even though she never looked at Edward, she was absolutely delightful—full of energy, talking nonstop, laughing; everyone noticed her cheerful mood and commented on her clear happiness.
“It does one good to see a couple like that,” said General Hancock, “just as happy as the day is long.”
“It’s nice to see a couple like that,” said General Hancock, “just as happy as can be.”
But the little scene had not escaped Miss Ley’s sharp eyes, and she noticed with agony that Miss Glover had gone to Bertha. She could not stop her, being at the moment in the toils of Mrs. Branderton.
But the little scene hadn’t gone unnoticed by Miss Ley, and she felt a pang of anguish when she saw that Miss Glover had gone to Bertha. She couldn’t stop her, as she was currently caught up with Mrs. Branderton.
“Oh, these good people are too officious! Why can’t she leave the girl alone to have it out with herself!”
“Oh, these good people are so annoying! Why can’t she just let the girl figure things out on her own?”
But the explanation of everything now flashed across Miss Ley.
But suddenly, Miss Ley understood everything.
“What a fool I am!” she thought, and she was able to cogitate quite clearly while exchanging honeyed impertinences with Mrs. Branderton. “I noticed it the first day I saw them together. How could I ever forget it!” She shrugged her shoulders and murmured the maxim of La Rochefoucauld—
“What a fool I am!” she thought, and she was able to think quite clearly while exchanging sweet insults with Mrs. Branderton. “I noticed it the first day I saw them together. How could I ever forget it!” She shrugged her shoulders and murmured the saying of La Rochefoucauld—
“Entre deux amants il-y-a toujours un qui aime, et un qui se laisse aimer.”
Between two lovers, there’s always one who loves and one who is loved.
And to this she added another, in the same language, which, knowing no original, she ventured to claim as her own; it seemed to summarise the situation.
And to this, she added another in the same language, which, having no original, she boldly claimed as her own; it seemed to sum up the situation.
Chapter XIV
BERTHA and Miss Ley passed a troubled night, while Edward, of course, after much exercise and a hearty dinner, slept the sleep of the just and of the pure at heart. Bertha was nursing her wrath; she had with difficulty brought herself to kiss her husband before, according to his habit, he turned his back upon her and began to snore. Miss Ley, with her knowledge of the difficulties in store for the couple, asked herself if she could do anything. But what could she do? They were reading the book of life in their separate ways, one in italics, the other in the big round letters of the copy-book; and how could she help them to find a common character? Of course the first year of married life is difficult, and the weariness of the flesh adds to the inevitable disillusionment. Every marriage has its moments of utter despair. The great danger is in the onlooker, who may pay to them too much attention and, by stepping in, render the difficulty permanent—cutting the knot instead of letting time undo it. Miss Ley’s cogitations brought her not unnaturally to the course which most suited her temperament; she concluded that far and away the best plan was to attempt nothing, and let things right themselves as best they could. She did not postpone her departure, but, according to arrangement, went on the following day.
BERTHA and Miss Ley had a rough night, while Edward, of course, after a lot of activity and a hearty dinner, slept soundly like a good person who has peace of mind. Bertha was stewing in her anger; she had barely mustered the strength to kiss her husband before he, as usual, turned away from her and started snoring. Miss Ley, aware of the challenges ahead for the couple, wondered if she could do anything to help. But what could she do? They were approaching life in their own ways, one in italics, the other in the big, clear letters of a textbook; how could she help them find common ground? The first year of marriage is tough, and physical exhaustion adds to the unavoidable disappointment. Every marriage has its moments of complete despair. The real risk lies with the observer, who might pay too much attention to them and, by intervening, make the issue permanent—cutting the knot rather than allowing time to unravel it. Miss Ley’s thoughts naturally led her to the solution that suited her personality best; she decided that the best course of action was to do nothing and let things sort themselves out as they would. She didn’t delay her departure, and, as planned, left the following day.
“Well, you see,” said Edward, bidding her good-bye, “I told you that I should make you stay longer than a week.”
“Well, you see,” said Edward, saying goodbye to her, “I told you that I would make you stay longer than a week.”
“You’re a wonderful person, Edward,” said Miss Ley, drily. “I have never doubted it for an instant.”
“You’re an amazing person, Edward,” Miss Ley said with a dry tone. “I’ve never doubted that for a second.”
He was pleased seeing no irony in the compliment. Miss Ley took leave of Bertha with a suspicion of awkward tenderness that was quite unusual; she hated to show her feelings, and found it difficult, yet wanted to tell Bertha that if she was ever in difficulties she would always find in her an old friend and a true one. All she said was—
He was glad to see there was no irony in the compliment. Miss Ley said goodbye to Bertha with a hint of awkward tenderness that was quite unusual for her; she hated showing her feelings and found it difficult, yet she wanted to tell Bertha that if she was ever in trouble, she would always find an old friend and a true one in her. All she said was—
“If you want to do any shopping in London, I can always put you up, you know. And for the matter of that, I don’t see why you shouldn’t come and stay a month or so with me—if Edward can spare you. It will be a change.”
“If you want to shop in London, I can always host you, you know. And honestly, I don’t see why you shouldn’t come and stay with me for a month or so—if Edward can spare you. It’ll be a nice change.”
When Miss Ley drove with Edward to the station, Bertha felt suddenly an extreme loneliness. Her aunt had been a barrier between herself and her husband, coming opportunely when, after the first months of mad passion, she was beginning to see herself linked to a man she did not know. A third person in the house had been a restraint. She looked forward already to the future with something like terror; her love for Edward was a bitter heartache. Oh yes, she loved him well, she loved him passionately; but he—he was fond of her, in his placid, calm way; it made her furious to think of it.
When Miss Ley drove Edward to the station, Bertha suddenly felt incredibly lonely. Her aunt had acted as a barrier between her and her husband, arriving just when, after the initial months of overwhelming passion, she was starting to realize she was tied to a man she didn’t really know. Having a third person in the house had kept things in check. She was already looking ahead to the future with something like dread; her love for Edward was a painful heartache. Oh yes, she loved him deeply, she loved him passionately; but he—he cared for her in his calm, placid way; it drove her crazy to think about it.
The weather was rainy, and for two days there was no question of tennis. On the third, however, the sun came out again, and the lawn was soon dry. Edward had driven over to Tercanbury, but returned towards evening.
The weather was rainy, and for two days, tennis was off the table. On the third day, though, the sun came out again, and the lawn dried quickly. Edward had driven over to Tercanbury but returned in the evening.
“Hulloa!” he said, “you haven’t got your tennis things on. You’d better hurry up.”
“Hullo!” he said, “you don’t have your tennis gear on. You should hurry up.”
This was the opportunity for which Bertha had been looking. She was tired of always giving way, of humbling herself; she wanted an explanation.
This was the chance Bertha had been waiting for. She was tired of always backing down, of putting herself down; she wanted an explanation.
“You’re very good,” she said, “but I don’t want to play tennis with you any more.”
“You’re really good,” she said, “but I don’t want to play tennis with you anymore.”
“Why on earth not?”
“Why not?”
She burst out furiously—“Because I’m sick and tired of being made a convenience by you. I’m too proud to be treated like that. Oh, don’t look as if you didn’t understand. You play with me because you’ve got no one else to play with. Isn’t that so? That is how you are always with me. You prefer the company of the veriest fool in the world to mine. You seem to do everything you can to show your contempt for me.”
She exploded in anger—“Because I’m done being your convenience. I’m too proud to be treated like that. Oh, don’t act like you don’t get it. You only hang out with me because you have no one else to be with. Isn’t that right? That’s how it always is with you. You’d rather be with the biggest idiot in the world than with me. You seem to go out of your way to show how much you look down on me.”
“Why, what have I done now?”
“Why, what have I done this time?”
“Oh, of course, you forget. You never dream that you are making me frightfully unhappy. Do you think I like to be treated before people as a sort of poor idiot that you can laugh and sneer at?”
“Oh, of course, you forget. You never realize that you’re making me really unhappy. Do you think I enjoy being treated in front of others like some kind of pathetic fool that you can mock and ridicule?”
Edward had never seen his wife so angry, and this time he was forced to pay her attention. She stood before him, at the end of her speech, with teeth clenched, her cheeks flaming.
Edward had never seen his wife so upset, and this time he had to pay attention to her. She stood in front of him, at the end of her speech, with clenched teeth and flushed cheeks.
“It’s about the other day, I suppose. I saw at the time you were in a passion.”
“It’s about the other day, I guess. I saw that you were really worked up.”
“And didn’t care two straws.”
"And didn't care at all."
“You’re too silly,” he said, with a laugh. “We couldn’t play together when we had people here. They laugh at us as it is for being so devoted to one another.”
“You’re so silly,” he said, laughing. “We couldn’t play together when we had people here. They already laugh at us for being so devoted to each other.”
“If they only knew how little you cared for me!”
“If they only knew how little you cared about me!”
“I might have managed a set with you later on, if you hadn’t sulked and refused to play at all.”
“I could have played a game with you later if you hadn’t pouted and refused to join in at all.”
“It would never have occurred to you, I know you better than that. You’re absolutely selfish.”
“It would never have crossed your mind, I know you better than that. You’re completely selfish.”
“Come, come, Bertha,” he cried good-humouredly, “that’s a thing I’ve not been accused of before. No one has ever called me selfish.”
“Come on, Bertha,” he said playfully, “that’s something I’ve never been accused of before. No one has ever called me selfish.”
“Oh no, they think you charming. They think because you’re cheerful and even-tempered, because you’re hail-fellow-well-met with every one you know, that you’ve got such a nice character. If they knew you as well as I do, they’d understand it was merely because you’re perfectly indifferent to them. You treat people as if they were your bosom friends, and then, five minutes after they’ve gone, you’ve forgotten all about them.... And the worst of it is, that I’m no more to you than anybody else.”
“Oh no, they think you’re charming. They believe that just because you’re cheerful and easygoing, and that you get along well with everyone you know, you must have a great character. If they knew you like I do, they’d realize it’s simply because you’re completely indifferent to them. You act like people are your close friends, and then, five minutes after they leave, you forget all about them.... And the worst part is, I mean no more to you than anyone else.”
“Oh, come, I don’t think you can really find such awful things wrong with me.”
“Oh, come on, I don’t think you can seriously find such terrible things wrong with me.”
“I’ve never known you sacrifice your slightest whim to gratify my most earnest desire.”
“I’ve never seen you give up your smallest wish to satisfy my deepest desire.”
“If you loved me, you’d not always be asking if the things I want are reasonable. I didn’t think of reason when I married you.”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t keep questioning if what I want is reasonable. I didn’t think about reason when I married you.”
Edward made no answer, which naturally added to Bertha’s irritation. She was arranging flowers for the table, and broke off the stalks savagely. Edward, after a pause, went to the door.
Edward didn't respond, which obviously made Bertha even more irritated. She was arranging flowers for the table and snapped the stems roughly. After a moment, Edward walked over to the door.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Where are you headed?” she asked.
“Since you won’t play, I’m just going to do a few serves for practice.”
“Since you won't play, I'm just going to practice my serves a bit.”
“Why don’t you send for Miss Glover to come and play with you?”
“Why don’t you call for Miss Glover to come and hang out with you?”
A new idea suddenly came to him (they came at sufficiently rare intervals not to spoil his equanimity), but the absurdity of it made him laugh.
A new idea suddenly popped into his head (they came infrequently enough not to upset his calm), but the ridiculousness of it made him laugh.
“Surely you’re not jealous of her, Bertha?”
“Come on, you’re not jealous of her, are you, Bertha?”
“I?” began Bertha, with tremendous scorn, and then changing her mind: “You prefer to play with her than to play with me.”
“I?” Bertha started, filled with disdain, and then reconsidered. “You’d rather play with her than with me.”
He wisely ignored part of the charge. “Look at her and look at yourself. Do you think I could prefer her to you?”
He smartly dismissed part of the accusation. “Look at her and look at yourself. Do you really think I'd choose her over you?”
“I think you’re fool enough.”
"I think you're foolish enough."
The words slipped out of Bertha’s mouth almost before she knew she had said them, and the bitter, scornful tone added to their violence. They frightened her, and turning very white, she glanced at her husband.
The words escaped Bertha’s lips almost before she realized she had spoken, and the harsh, contemptuous tone made them even more cutting. They terrified her, and turning pale, she looked at her husband.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to say that, Eddie.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to say that, Eddie.”
Fearing now that she had really wounded him, Bertha was entirely sorry; she would have given anything for the words to be unsaid. Edward was turning over the pages of a book, looking at it listlessly. She went up to him.
Fearing that she had actually hurt him, Bertha felt completely regretful; she would have done anything to take back what she said. Edward was flipping through the pages of a book, staring at it vacantly. She approached him.
“I haven’t offended you, have I, Eddie? I didn’t mean to say that.”
“I haven't upset you, have I, Eddie? I didn't mean to say that.”
She put her arm in his; he did not answer.
She linked her arm with his; he didn’t respond.
He turned his face away, but she would not let him go; at last she found his lips.
He turned his face away, but she wouldn't let him escape; finally, she found his lips.
“Say you’re not angry with me.”
“Just say you’re not mad at me.”
“I’m not angry with you.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Oh, I want your love so much, Eddie,” she murmured. “Now more than ever.... I’m going to have a child.”
“Oh, I want your love so much, Eddie,” she said softly. “Now more than ever.... I’m having a baby.”
Then in reply to his astonished exclamation—
Then in response to his surprised exclamation—
“I wasn’t certain till to-day.... Oh, Eddie, I’m so glad. I think it’s what I wanted to make me happy.”
“I wasn’t sure until today.... Oh, Eddie, I’m so glad. I think this is what I wanted to feel happy.”
“I’m glad too,” he said.
"I'm glad too," he replied.
“But you will be kind to me, Eddie—and not mind if I’m fretful and bad tempered. You know I can’t help it, and I’m always sorry afterwards.”
“But you’ll be nice to me, Eddie—and won’t mind if I’m anxious and in a bad mood. You know I can’t help it, and I always feel bad afterwards.”
He kissed her as passionately as his cold nature allowed, and peace returned to Bertha’s tormented heart.
He kissed her as passionately as his cold nature would allow, bringing peace back to Bertha's troubled heart.
Bertha had intended as long as possible to make a secret of her news; it was a comfort in her distress, and a bulwark against her increasing disillusionment. She was unable to reconcile herself to the discovery, seen as yet dimly, that Edward’s cold temperament could not satisfy her ardent passions: love to her was a burning fire, a flame that absorbed the rest of life; love to him was a convenient and necessary institution of Providence, a matter about which there was as little need for excitement as about the ordering of a suit of clothes. Bertha’s intense devotion for a while had obscured her husband’s coolness, and she would not see that his temperament was to blame. She accused him of not loving her, and asked herself distractedly how to gain his affection; her pride was humiliated because her love was so much greater than his. For six months she had loved him blindly; and now, opening her eyes, she refused to look upon the naked fact, but insisted on seeing only what she wished.
Bertha had planned to keep her news a secret for as long as she could; it was a comfort in her distress and a barrier against her growing disillusionment. She couldn't come to terms with the realization, still only vaguely, that Edward's cold nature could never satisfy her intense passions: to her, love was a burning fire, a flame that consumed everything else; to him, love was just a convenient and necessary part of life, something that didn't warrant much excitement, much like ordering a new suit. For a while, her deep devotion had blinded her to her husband’s indifference, and she refused to see that his nature was at fault. She blamed him for not loving her and found herself anxiously wondering how to win his affection; her pride was wounded because her love for him was so much deeper than his for her. For six months, she had loved him unconditionally; and now, as she began to see things more clearly, she wouldn’t confront the harsh truth, insisting instead on seeing only what she wanted.
Yet, the truth, elbowing itself through the crowd of her illusions, tormented her. She was afraid that Edward neither loved her nor had ever loved her; and she wavered uncertainly between the old passionate devotion and a new, equally passionate hatred. She told herself that she could not do things by halves; she must love or detest, but in either case, fiercely. And now the child made up for everything. Now it did not matter if Edward loved or not, it no longer pained her to realise how foolish had been her hopes, how quickly her ideal had been shattered. She felt that the infantine hands of her son were already breaking, one by one, the links that bound her to her husband. When she divined her pregnancy, she gave a cry not only of joy and pride, but also of exultation in her approaching freedom.
Yet the truth, pushing its way through the crowd of her illusions, haunted her. She was scared that Edward neither loved her nor had ever loved her; and she felt torn between her old passionate devotion and a new, equally intense hatred. She reminded herself that she couldn’t do things halfway; she had to love or hate, but either way, fiercely. And now the child made up for everything. It didn’t matter if Edward loved her or not; it no longer hurt her to realize how foolish her hopes had been, how quickly her ideal had shattered. She felt her son’s tiny hands already breaking, one by one, the ties that connected her to her husband. When she found out she was pregnant, she cried out not just in joy and pride, but also in exhilaration at her impending freedom.
But when the suspicion was changed into a certainty, her feelings veered round; for her emotions were always unstable as the light winds of April. An extreme weakness made her long for the support and sympathy of her husband; she could not help telling him. In the hateful dispute of that very day, she had forced herself to say bitter things, but all the time she wished him to take her in his arms, saying he loved her. It needed so little to rekindle her dying affection; she wanted his help and she could not live without his love.
But when the suspicion turned into certainty, her feelings shifted; her emotions were always as unpredictable as the April breezes. A deep sense of weakness made her crave the support and understanding of her husband; she couldn’t help but express this to him. During the awful argument that same day, she had gritted her teeth and said hurtful things, but all the while she hoped he would take her in his arms and tell her he loved her. It took so little to revive her fading love; she needed his support, and she felt she couldn't live without his affection.
The weeks went on and Bertha was touched to see a change in Edward’s behaviour, more noticeable after his past indifference. He looked upon her now as an invalid, and as such entitled to some consideration; he was really very kind-hearted, and during this time did everything for his wife that did not involve a sacrifice of his own convenience. When the doctor suggested some dainty to tempt her appetite, Edward was delighted to ride over to Tercanbury to fetch it; and in her presence he trod more softly and spoke in a gentler voice. After a while he used to insist on carrying Bertha up and down stairs, and though Dr. Ramsay assured them it was a quite unnecessary proceeding, Bertha would not allow Edward to give it up. It amused her to feel a little child in his strong arms, and she loved to nestle against his breast. Then, with winter, when it was too cold to drive out, Bertha would lie for long hours on a sofa by the window, looking at the line of elm-trees, now leafless again and melancholy, watching the heavy clouds that drove over from the sea: her heart was full of peace.
The weeks went by, and Bertha was touched to see a change in Edward’s behavior, which was especially noticeable compared to his previous indifference. He now viewed her as someone who needed care and attention; he was genuinely kind-hearted, and during this time, he did everything for his wife that didn’t inconvenience him too much. When the doctor suggested something special to stimulate her appetite, Edward happily rode over to Tercanbury to get it; in her presence, he moved more gently and spoke in a softer tone. Eventually, he insisted on carrying Bertha up and down the stairs, and despite Dr. Ramsay saying it wasn't necessary, Bertha wouldn’t let Edward stop. It amused her to feel like a little child in his strong arms, and she loved to snuggle against his chest. Then, with winter, when it was too cold to go out, Bertha would lie for long hours on a sofa by the window, looking at the line of elm trees, now bare and dreary, watching the heavy clouds rolling in from the sea: her heart was full of peace.
One day of the new year she was sitting as usual at her window when Edward came prancing up the drive on horseback. He stopped in front of her and waved his whip.
One day in the new year, she was sitting like usual at her window when Edward rode up the driveway on horseback. He stopped in front of her and waved his crop.
“What d’you think of my new horse?” he cried.
“What do you think of my new horse?” he shouted.
At that moment the animal began to cavort, and backed into a flower-bed. “Quiet, old fellow,” cried Edward. “Now then, don’t make a fuss; quiet!” The horse stood on its hind legs and laid its ears back viciously. Presently Edward dismounted and led him towards Bertha. “Isn’t he a stunner? Just look at him.”
At that moment, the animal started to prance around and backed into a flower bed. “Calm down, buddy,” shouted Edward. “Now, don’t cause a scene; settle down!” The horse reared up on its hind legs and flattened its ears aggressively. Soon, Edward got off and guided him over to Bertha. “Isn’t he a beauty? Just look at him.”
He passed his hand down the beast’s forelegs and stroked its sleek coat.
He ran his hand down the animal's front legs and stroked its smooth coat.
“I only gave thirty-five quid for it,” he remarked. “I must just take him round to the stable and then I’ll come in.”
“I only paid thirty-five bucks for it,” he said. “I just need to take him to the stable and then I’ll come in.”
In a few minutes Edward joined his wife. The riding costume suited him well, and in his top-boots he had more than ever the appearance of the fox-hunting country squire, which had always been his ideal. He was in high spirits over the new purchase.
In a few minutes, Edward joined his wife. The riding outfit looked great on him, and in his tall boots, he definitely had the look of the fox-hunting country squire, which had always been his dream. He was in a good mood about the new purchase.
“It’s the beast that threw Arthur Branderton when we were out last week.... Arthur’s limping about now with a sprained ankle and a broken finger. He says the horse is the greatest devil he’s ever ridden; he’s frightened to use him again.” Edward laughed scornfully.
“It’s the beast that threw Arthur Branderton when we were out last week.... Arthur’s limping around now with a sprained ankle and a broken finger. He says the horse is the craziest devil he’s ever ridden; he’s scared to use him again.” Edward laughed mockingly.
“But you haven’t bought him?” asked Bertha, with alarm.
“But you haven’t bought him?” Bertha asked, alarmed.
“Of course I have,” said Edward. “I couldn’t miss a chance like that. Why, he’s a perfect beauty—only he’s got a temper, like we all have.”
“Of course I have,” Edward said. “I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that. He’s a total looker—just has a bit of a temper, like all of us do.”
“But is he dangerous?”
"But is he a threat?"
“A bit—that’s why I got him cheap. Arthur gave a hundred guineas for him, and he told me I could have him for seventy. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ll give you thirty-five—and take the risk of breaking my neck.’ Well, he just had to accept my offer! the horse has got a bad name in the county, and he wouldn’t get any one to buy it in a hurry. A man has got to get up early if he wants to do me over a gee!”
“A little—that’s why I got him for a low price. Arthur paid a hundred guineas for him, and he told me I could take him for seventy. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ll give you thirty-five—and take the chance of injuring myself.’ Well, he had no choice but to accept my offer! The horse has a bad reputation in the county, and he wouldn’t find anyone to buy it quickly. A guy has to wake up early if he wants to pull a fast one on me!”
By this time Bertha was frightened out of her wits.
By this point, Bertha was scared out of her mind.
“But, Eddie, you’re not going to ride it—supposing something should happen. Oh, I wish you hadn’t bought him.”
“But, Eddie, you’re not actually going to ride it—what if something happens? Oh, I wish you hadn't gotten him.”
“He’s all right,” said Craddock. “If any one can ride him, I can—and, by Jove, I’m going to risk it. Why, if I bought him and then didn’t use him, I’d never hear the last of it.”
“He’s good,” Craddock said. “If anyone can ride him, it’s me—and, you know what, I’m going to take the chance. If I bought him and didn’t use him, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“To please me, Eddie, don’t! What does it matter what people say? I’m so frightened. And now of all times you might do something to please me. It’s not often I ask you to do me a favour.”
“To please me, Eddie, don’t! What does it matter what people say? I’m so scared. And now, of all times, you could do something to make me happy. It’s not often I ask you for a favor.”
“Well, when you ask for something reasonable, I always try my best to do it—but really, after I’ve paid thirty-five pounds for a horse, I can’t cut him up for cat’s meat.”
“Well, when you ask for something reasonable, I always try my best to do it—but honestly, after I’ve spent thirty-five pounds on a horse, I can’t just chop him up for cat food.”
“That means you’ll always do anything for me so long as it doesn’t interfere with your own likes and dislikes.”
“That means you’ll always do anything for me as long as it doesn't conflict with your own preferences.”
“Ah, well, we’re all like that, aren’t we?... Come, come, don’t be nasty about it, Bertha.”
“Ah, well, we’re all like that, aren’t we?... Come on, don’t be rude about it, Bertha.”
He pinched her cheek good-naturedly—women, we all know, would like the moon if they could get it; and the fact that they can’t doesn’t prevent them from persistently asking for it. Edward sat down beside his wife, holding her hand.
He playfully pinched her cheek—everyone knows that women would love to have the moon if they could; and just because they can’t doesn’t stop them from constantly asking for it. Edward sat down next to his wife, holding her hand.
“Now, tell us what you’ve been up to to-day. Has any one been?”
“Now, tell us what you’ve been up to today. Has anyone been by?”
Bertha sighed deeply. She had absolutely no influence over her husband. No prayers, no tears would stop him from doing a thing he had set his mind on—however much she argued he always managed to make her seem in the wrong, and then went his way rejoicing. But she had her child now.
Bertha let out a deep sigh. She had no control over her husband at all. No prayers or tears could change his mind once he decided on something—no matter how much she argued, he always made her look like she was in the wrong and then went off happy. But she had her child now.
Chapter XV
CRADDOCK went out on his new horse and returned triumphantly.
CRADDOCK went out on his new horse and came back feeling victorious.
“He was as quiet as a lamb,” he said. “I could ride him with my arms tied behind my back; and as to jumping—he takes a five-barred gate in his stride.”
“He was as quiet as a lamb,” he said. “I could ride him with my hands tied behind my back; and when it comes to jumping—he easily clears a five-barred gate.”
Bertha was a little angry with him for having caused her such terror, angry with herself also for troubling.
Bertha was a bit angry with him for making her so scared, and she was also mad at herself for being upset.
“And it was rather lucky I had him to-day. Old Lord Philip Dirk was there, and he asked Branderton who I was. ‘You tell him,’ says he, ‘that it isn’t often I’ve seen a man ride as well as he does.’ You should see Branderton, he isn’t half glad at having let me take the beast for thirty-five quid. And Mr. Molson came up to me and said, ‘I knew that horse would get into your hands before long, you’re the only man in this part who can ride it—but if it don’t break your neck, you’ll be lucky.’”
“And it was pretty lucky I had him today. Old Lord Philip Dirk was there, and he asked Branderton who I was. ‘You tell him,’ he said, ‘that it’s not often I’ve seen a man ride as well as he does.’ You should see Branderton; he’s not half glad he let me take the horse for thirty-five quid. And Mr. Molson came up to me and said, ‘I knew that horse would end up in your hands eventually; you’re the only guy around who can ride it—but if it doesn’t break your neck, you’ll be lucky.’”
He recounted with great satisfaction the compliments paid to him.
He proudly shared the praises he received.
“We had a jolly good run to-day.... And how are you, dear, feeling comfy? Oh, I forgot to tell you—you know Rodgers, the huntsman, well, he said to me, ‘That’s a mighty fine hack you’ve got there, sir, but he takes some riding.’—‘I know he does,’ I said; ‘but I flatter myself I know a thing or two more than most horses.’ They all thought I should get rolled over before the day was out, but I just went slick at everything to show I wasn’t frightened.”
“We had a great run today.... How are you, dear? Feeling comfortable? Oh, I forgot to mention—you know Rodgers, the huntsman? He told me, ‘That’s a really nice horse you have there, sir, but he takes some handling.’ I replied, ‘I know he does; but I like to think I know a bit more than most riders.’ They all thought I would get thrown off before the day ended, but I just tackled everything smoothly to prove I wasn’t scared.”
Then he gave details of the affair; and he had as great a passion for the meticulous as a German historian. He was one of those men who take infinite pains over trifles, flattering themselves that they never do things by halves. Bertha had a headache, and her husband bored her; she thought herself a great fool to be so concerned about his safety.
Then he went into detail about the affair; he was just as passionate about the finer points as a German historian. He was one of those guys who puts endless effort into small things, convincing himself that he always goes all out. Bertha had a headache, and her husband was boring her; she thought she was being ridiculous for worrying so much about his safety.
As the months wore on Miss Glover became very solicitous. The parson’s sister looked upon birth as a mysteriously heart-fluttering business, which, however, modesty required decent people to ignore. She treated her friend in an absurdly self-conscious manner, and blushed like a peony when Bertha frankly referred to the coming event. The greatest torment of Miss Glover’s life was that, as lady of the Vicarage, she had to manage the Maternity Bag, an institution to provide the infants of the needy with articles of raiment and their mothers with flannel petticoats. She could never, without much confusion, ask the necessary information of the beneficiaries in her charity; feeling that the whole thing ought not to be discussed at all, she kept her eyes averted, and acted generally so as to cause great indignation.
As the months went by, Miss Glover became very concerned. The parson’s sister viewed childbirth as a mysteriously exciting experience that, unfortunately, polite society felt they should overlook. She interacted with her friend in a ridiculously self-conscious way, blushing like a bright flower when Bertha openly talked about the upcoming event. The biggest struggle for Miss Glover as the lady of the Vicarage was managing the Maternity Bag, a program that provided clothing for needy infants and flannel petticoats for their mothers. She could never bring herself to ask the beneficiaries for the necessary information without feeling awkward; believing that the whole situation shouldn’t be discussed at all, she kept her eyes averted and behaved in ways that caused considerable outrage.
“Well,” said one good lady, “I’d rather not ’ave her bag at all than be treated like that. Why, she treats you as if—well, as if you wasn’t married.”
"Well," said one kind lady, "I’d rather not have her bag at all than be treated like that. I mean, she treats you as if—well, as if you weren't married."
“Yes,” said another, “that’s just what I complain of—I promise you I ’ad ’alf a mind to take my marriage lines out of my pocket an’ show ’er. It ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed about—nice thing it would be after ’avin’ sixteen, if I was bashful.”
“Yes,” said another, “that’s exactly what I’m complaining about—I swear I was half a mind to pull my marriage certificate out of my pocket and show her. There’s nothing to be ashamed of—it’d be a ridiculous thing to be shy about after having sixteen kids.”
But of course the more unpleasant a duty was, the more zealously did Miss Glover perform it; she felt it right to visit Bertha with frequency, and manfully bore the young wife’s persistence in referring to an unpleasant subject. She carried her heroism to the pitch of knitting socks for the forthcoming baby, although to do so made her heart palpitate uncomfortably; and when she was surprised at the work by her brother, her cheeks burned like two fires.
But of course, the more unpleasant a task was, the more eagerly Miss Glover took it on; she felt it was important to visit Bertha often and bravely dealt with the young wife's constant references to a sensitive topic. She went so far as to knit socks for the upcoming baby, even though it made her heart race uncomfortably; and when her brother caught her working on it, her cheeks heated up like two fireballs.
Bertha smiled. “Oh don’t, Fanny; you know how uncomfortable it makes you.”
Bertha smiled. “Oh come on, Fanny; you know how uncomfortable that makes you.”
“I must,” answered the good creature, gravely. “I know you’ll think me ridiculous, but it’s my duty.”
“I have to,” replied the kind creature seriously. “I know you might think I’m silly, but it’s my responsibility.”
“I shan’t think anything of the kind,” said Bertha, touched with her friend’s humility.
“I won’t think anything like that,” said Bertha, moved by her friend’s humility.
“Well, you talk a great deal of—of what’s going to happen”—Miss Glover blushed—“but I’m not sure if you are really prepared for it.”
“Well, you talk a lot about—about what’s going to happen,” Miss Glover blushed, “but I’m not sure if you’re actually ready for it.”
“Oh, is that all?” cried Bertha. “The nurse will be here in a fortnight, and Dr. Ramsay says she’s a most reliable woman.”
“Oh, is that it?” shouted Bertha. “The nurse will arrive in two weeks, and Dr. Ramsay says she's really reliable.”
“I wasn’t thinking of earthly preparations,” said Miss Glover. “I was thinking of the other. Are you quite sure you’re approaching the—the thing, in the right spirit?”
“I wasn’t thinking about practical preparations,” said Miss Glover. “I was thinking about the other. Are you absolutely sure you’re approaching the—the thing, with the right mindset?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“It isn’t what I want you to do. It’s what you ought to do. I’m nobody. But have you thought at all of the spiritual side of it?”
“It’s not about what I want you to do. It’s about what you should do. I’m nobody. But have you considered the spiritual aspect of it at all?”
Bertha gave a sigh that was chiefly voluptuous. “I’ve thought that I’m going to have a son, that’s mine and Eddie’s; and I’m awfully thankful.”
Bertha let out a sigh that was mostly indulgent. “I’ve thought that I’m going to have a son, one that’s mine and Eddie’s; and I’m really grateful.”
“Wouldn’t you like me to read the Bible to you sometimes?”
“Wouldn’t you want me to read the Bible to you sometimes?”
“Good heavens, you talk as if I were going to die.”
“Wow, you sound like I’m about to die.”
“One can never tell, dear Bertha,” replied Miss Glover, sombrely; “I think you ought to be prepared.... ‘In the midst of life we are in death’—one can never tell what may happen.”
“One can never tell, dear Bertha,” replied Miss Glover, seriously; “I think you should be prepared.... ‘In the midst of life we are in death’—you never know what might happen.”
Bertha looked at her somewhat anxiously. She had been forcing herself of late to be cheerful, and had found it necessary to stifle a recurring presentiment of evil fortune. The Vicar’s sister never realised that she was doing everything possible to make Bertha thoroughly unhappy.
Bertha looked at her with some anxiety. Lately, she had been trying hard to stay cheerful and had found it necessary to push down a nagging feeling of bad luck. The Vicar’s sister never realized that she was doing everything she could to make Bertha completely unhappy.
“I brought my own Bible with me,” she said. “Do you mind if I read you a chapter?”
“I brought my own Bible,” she said. “Do you mind if I read you a chapter?”
“Have you got any preference for some particular part?” asked Miss Glover, extracting the book from a little black bag which she always carried.
“Do you have a preference for a specific part?” asked Miss Glover, pulling the book from a small black bag that she always carried.
On Bertha’s answer that she had no preference, Miss Glover suggested opening the Bible at random, and reading on from the first line that crossed her eyes.
On Bertha’s reply that she didn’t have a preference, Miss Glover suggested flipping through the Bible randomly and reading from the first line that caught her eye.
“Charles doesn’t quite approve of it,” she said; “he thinks it smacks of superstition. But I can’t help doing it, and the early Protestants constantly did the same.”
“Charles isn’t really on board with it,” she said; “he thinks it has a whiff of superstition. But I can’t help but do it, and the early Protestants did it all the time.”
Miss Glover, having opened the book with closed eyes, began to read: “The sons of Pharez! Hezron, and Hamul. And the sons of Zerah; Zimri, and Ethan, and Heman, and Calcol, and Dara; five of them in all.” Miss Glover cleared her throat. “And the sons of Ethan; Azariah. The sons also of Hezron, that were born unto him; Jerahmeel, and Ram, and Chelubai. And Ram begat Amminadab; and Amminadab begat Nahshon, prince of the children of Judah.” She had fallen upon the genealogical table at the beginning of the Book of Chronicles. The chapter was very long, and consisted entirely of names, uncouth and difficult to pronounce; but Miss Glover shirked not one of them. With grave and somewhat high-pitched delivery, modelled on her brother’s, she read out the bewildering list. Bertha looked at her in amazement.
Miss Glover, with her eyes closed, opened the book and began to read: “The sons of Pharez! Hezron and Hamul. And the sons of Zerah: Zimri, Ethan, Heman, Calcol, and Dara; five in total.” Miss Glover cleared her throat. “And the sons of Ethan: Azariah. The sons of Hezron who were born to him: Jerahmeel, Ram, and Chelubai. And Ram became the father of Amminadab; and Amminadab became the father of Nahshon, prince of the children of Judah.” She had come across the genealogical table at the start of the Book of Chronicles. The chapter was quite long and consisted entirely of names that were awkward and hard to say; but Miss Glover didn’t skip any of them. With a serious and somewhat high-pitched tone, similar to her brother’s, she read the confusing list. Bertha stared at her in disbelief.
“That’s the end of the chapter,” she said at last; “would you like me to read you another one?”
“That’s the end of the chapter,” she finally said; “would you like me to read you another one?”
“Yes, I should like it very much; but I don’t think the part you’ve hit on is quite to the point.”
“Yes, I would really like it; but I don’t think the part you’ve mentioned is exactly what I mean.”
“My dear, I don’t want to reprove you—that’s not my duty—but all the Bible is to the point.”
“My dear, I don’t want to scold you—that’s not my job—but the entire Bible is relevant.”
And as the time passed, Bertha quite lost her courage and was often seized by a panic fear. Suddenly, without obvious cause, her heart sank and she asked herself frantically how she could possibly get through it. She thought she was going to die, and wondered what would happen if she did. What would Edward do without her? Thinking of his bitter grief the tears came to her eyes, but her lips trembled with self-pity when the suspicion came that he would not be heartbroken: he was not a man to feel either grief or joy very poignantly. He would not weep; at the most his gaiety for a couple of days would be obscured, and then he would go about as before. She imagined him relishing the sympathy of his friends. In six months he would almost have forgotten her, and such memory as remained would not be extraordinarily pleasing. He would marry again; Edward loathed solitude, and next time doubtless he would choose a different sort of woman—one less remote from his ideal. Edward cared nothing for appearance, and Bertha imagined her successor plain as Miss Hancock or dowdy as Miss Glover; and the irony of it lay in the knowledge that either of those two would make a wife more suitable than she to his character, answering better to his conception of a helpmate.
And as time went on, Bertha completely lost her courage and was often overtaken by a sudden panic. Out of nowhere, her heart would drop, and she frantically wondered how she would get through it. She thought she might die and considered what would happen if she did. What would Edward do without her? Just thinking about his deep sorrow made her eyes well up with tears, but her lips trembled with self-pity when she realized he probably wouldn’t be heartbroken: he wasn’t the type to feel either grief or joy very intensely. He wouldn’t cry; if anything, his happiness might be clouded for a couple of days, and then he would go back to his usual self. She pictured him enjoying the sympathy of his friends. In six months, he would have almost forgotten her, and any memories he had wouldn’t be particularly sweet. He would remarry; Edward hated being alone, and next time he would likely choose a different kind of woman—someone who fit his ideal better. Edward didn’t care about looks, and Bertha pictured his next partner as plain as Miss Hancock or frumpy like Miss Glover; the irony was that either of them would probably make a better match for him, fitting his idea of a supportive partner more closely.
Bertha fancied that Edward would willingly have given her beauty for some solid advantage, such as a knowledge of dressmaking; her taste, her arts and accomplishments, were nothing to him, and her impulsive passion was a positive defect. “Handsome is as handsome does,” said he; he was a plain, simple man and he wanted a simple, plain wife.
Bertha thought Edward would gladly trade her beauty for something practical, like knowing how to sew. Her style, skills, and talents didn’t matter to him, and her impulsive nature was actually a downside. “Looks don’t matter as much as actions,” he said; he was an ordinary man and wanted an ordinary wife.
She wondered if her death would really cause him much sorrow; Bertha’s will gave him everything of which she was possessed, and he would spend it with a second wife. She was seized with insane jealousy.
She wondered if her death would truly make him that sad; Bertha’s will left him everything she owned, and he would spend it all with a new wife. She was overtaken by crazy jealousy.
“No, I won’t die,” she cried between her teeth, “I won’t!”
“No, I’m not going to die,” she snapped through clenched teeth, “I won’t!”
But one day, while Edward was hunting, her morbid fancies took another turn. Supposing he should die? The thought was unendurable, but the very horror of it fascinated her; she could not drive away the scenes which, with strange distinctness, her imagination set before her. She was seated at the piano and heard suddenly a horse stop at the front door—Edward was back early: but the bell rang; why should Edward ring? There was a murmur of voices without and Arthur Branderton came in. In her mind’s eye she saw every detail most clearly. He was in his hunting clothes! Something had happened, and knowing what it was, Bertha was yet able to realise her terrified wonder, as one possibility and another rushed through her brain. He was uneasy, he had something to tell, but dared not say it; she looked at him, horror-stricken, and a faintness came over her so that she could hardly stand.
But one day, while Edward was hunting, her dark thoughts took a different direction. What if he died? The idea was unbearable, yet the sheer horror of it captivated her; she couldn’t shake the vivid images her imagination conjured up. She was sitting at the piano when she suddenly heard a horse stop at the front door—Edward was back early. But why was he ringing the bell? A murmur of voices filled the air, and Arthur Branderton walked in. In her mind’s eye, she could see every detail clearly. He was still in his hunting clothes! Something must have happened, and although she already knew what it was, Bertha felt the overwhelming dread crash over her as one possibility after another raced through her head. He seemed anxious; he had something to share, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. She looked at him, frozen in horror, and a wave of dizziness washed over her so that she could barely stand.
Bertha’s heart beat quickly. She told herself it was absurd to let her imagination run away with her; but, notwithstanding, the pictures vividly proceeded: she seemed to assist at a ghastly play in which she was chief actor.
Bertha’s heart raced. She reminded herself it was ridiculous to let her imagination take over; but still, the images kept coming: she felt like she was part of a horrifying play where she was the main character.
And what would she do when the fact was finally told her—that Edward was dead? She would faint or cry out.
And what would she do when she finally found out that Edward was dead? She would faint or scream.
“There’s been an accident,” said Branderton—“your husband is rather hurt.”
“There’s been an accident,” said Branderton, “your husband is pretty hurt.”
Bertha put her hands to her eyes, the agony was dreadful.
Bertha covered her eyes with her hands; the pain was agonizing.
“You mustn’t upset yourself,” he went on, trying to break it to her.
“You shouldn’t upset yourself,” he continued, trying to ease her into it.
Then, rapidly passing over the intermediate details she found herself with her husband. He was dead, lying on the floor—and she pictured him to herself, she knew exactly how he would look; sometimes he slept so soundly, so quietly, that she was nervous and put her ear to his heart to know if it was beating. Now he was dead. Despair suddenly swept down upon her overpoweringly. Bertha tried again to shake off her fancies, she even went to the piano and played a few notes; but the morbid attraction was too strong for her and the scene went on. Now that he was dead, he could not check her passion, now he was helpless and she kissed him with all her love; she passed her hands through his hair, and stroked his face (he had hated this in life), she kissed his lips and his closed eyes.
Then, quickly skipping over the details in between, she found herself with her husband. He was dead, lying on the floor—and she pictured him in her mind, knowing exactly how he would look; sometimes he slept so soundly, so quietly, that she would feel nervous and put her ear to his heart to see if it was still beating. Now he was gone. Despair suddenly crashed down on her like a wave. Bertha tried again to shake off her thoughts; she even went to the piano and played a few notes, but the dark pull was too strong for her and the scene continued. Now that he was dead, he couldn't stop her feelings; now he was defenseless and she kissed him with all her love; she ran her fingers through his hair and stroked his face (he had hated this in life), she kissed his lips and his closed eyes.
The imagined grief was so poignant that Bertha burst into tears. She remained with the body, refusing to be separated from it—Bertha buried her face in the cushions so that nothing might disturb her illusion, she had ceased trying to drive it away. Ah, she loved him passionately, she had always loved him and could not live without him. She knew that she would shortly die—and she had been afraid of death. Ah, now it was welcome! She kissed his hands—he could not prevent her now—and with a little shudder opened his eyes; they were glassy, expressionless, immobile. Clinging to him, she sobbed in love and anguish. She would let none touch him but herself; it was a relief to perform the last offices for him who had been her whole life. She did not know that her love was so great.
The imagined grief was so intense that Bertha broke down in tears. She stayed with the body, refusing to be apart from it—Bertha buried her face in the cushions so nothing could disturb her fantasy; she had stopped trying to push it away. Ah, she loved him deeply, she had always loved him and couldn’t imagine life without him. She knew that she would soon die—and she had been scared of death. Ah, now it felt welcome! She kissed his hands—he couldn’t stop her now—and with a slight shudder, he opened his eyes; they were glassy, devoid of expression, unmoving. Holding onto him, she cried out in love and despair. She wouldn't let anyone else touch him but herself; it felt like a relief to take care of him who had been her entire life. She didn’t realize how immense her love was.
She undressed the body and washed it; she washed the limbs one by one and sponged them, then very gently dried them with a towel. The touch of the cold flesh made her shudder voluptuously—she thought of him taking her in his strong arms, kissing her on the mouth. She wrapped him in the white shroud and surrounded him with flowers. They placed him in the coffin, and her heart stood still: she could not leave him. She passed with him all day and all night, looking ever at the quiet, restful face. Dr. Ramsay came and Miss Glover came, urging her to go away, but she refused. What was the care of her own health now, she had only wanted to live for him?
She took off the clothes from his body and cleaned it; she washed each limb one by one and sponged them, then gently dried them with a towel. The touch of his cold skin made her shiver with desire—she imagined him holding her in his strong arms, kissing her on the lips. She wrapped him in a white shroud and surrounded him with flowers. They placed him in the coffin, and her heart stopped: she couldn’t leave him. She stayed with him all day and all night, constantly gazing at his calm, peaceful face. Dr. Ramsay and Miss Glover came, urging her to step away, but she refused. What did her own health matter now? She had only wanted to live for him.
The coffin was closed, and she saw the gestures of the undertakers—she had seen her husband’s face for the last time, her beloved: her heart was like a stone, and she beat her breast in pain.
The coffin was closed, and she watched the undertakers at work—she had seen her husband’s face for the last time, her beloved: her heart felt like a stone, and she pounded her chest in grief.
Hurriedly now the pictures thronged upon her—the drive to the churchyard, the service, the coffin strewn with flowers, and finally the grave-side. They tried to keep her at home. What cared she for the silly, the abominable convention, which sought to prevent her from going to the funeral? Was it not her husband, the only light of her life, whom they were burying? They could not realise the horror of it, the utter despair. And distinctly, by the dimness of the winter day in her drawing-room at Court Leys, Bertha saw the lowering of the coffin, heard the rattle of earth thrown upon it.
Hurriedly now, the images flooded her mind—the drive to the cemetery, the service, the coffin covered in flowers, and finally the graveside. They tried to keep her at home. What did she care about the silly, awful convention that was trying to stop her from attending the funeral? Was it not her husband, the only light of her life, who they were burying? They couldn’t grasp the horror of it, the complete despair. And clearly, through the dimness of the winter day in her living room at Court Leys, Bertha saw the coffin being lowered and heard the sound of dirt being thrown on it.
What would her life be afterwards? She would try to live, she would surround herself with Edward’s things, so that his memory might be always with her; the loneliness was appalling. Court Leys was empty and bare. She saw the endless succession of grey days; the seasons brought no change, and continually the clouds hung heavily above her; the trees were always leafless, and it was desolate. She could not imagine that travel would bring solace—the whole of life was blank, and what to her now were the pictures and churches, the blue skies of Italy? Her only happiness was to weep.
What would her life be like after this? She would try to keep living, surrounding herself with Edward’s things, so that his memory would always be with her; the loneliness was overwhelming. Court Leys was empty and bare. She saw the endless stream of gray days; the seasons offered no change, and the clouds hung heavily above her all the time; the trees were always bare, and it felt desolate. She couldn't imagine that traveling would bring her comfort—the whole of life felt blank, and what did the pictures and churches, the blue skies of Italy mean to her now? Her only happiness came from crying.
Then distractedly Bertha thought that she would kill herself, for life was impossible to endure. No life at all, the blankness of the grave, was preferable to the pangs gnawing continually at her heart. It would be easy to finish, with a little morphia to close the book of trouble; despair would give her courage, and the prick of the needle was the only pain. But her vision became dim, and she had to make an effort to retain it: her thoughts grew less coherent, travelling back to previous incidents, to the scene at the grave, to the voluptuous pleasure of washing the body.
Then Bertha distractedly thought about ending her life because she couldn't bear to keep going. Even the emptiness of death felt better than the constant pain gnawing at her heart. It would be easy to put an end to it all with a bit of morphine to close the book on her troubles; despair gave her the courage, and the needle’s prick was the only pain she would feel. But her vision started to fade, and she had to fight to hold onto it: her thoughts became less clear, drifting back to past events, to the scene at the grave, to the strange pleasure of washing the body.
It was all so vivid that the entrance of Edward came upon her as a surprise. But the relief was too great for words, it was the awakening from a horrible nightmare. When he came forward to kiss her, she flung her arms round his neck, her eyes moist with past tears, and pressed him passionately to her heart.
It was all so intense that Edward's arrival caught her off guard. But the sense of relief was indescribable; it felt like waking up from a terrible nightmare. When he stepped closer to kiss her, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her eyes glistening with previous tears, and pulled him tightly to her heart.
“Oh, thank God!” she cried.
“Oh, thank goodness!” she cried.
“Hulloa, what’s up now?”
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know what’s been the matter with me.... I’ve been so miserable, Eddie—I thought you were dead!”
“I don’t know what’s been wrong with me.... I’ve been so unhappy, Eddie—I thought you were dead!”
“You’ve been crying!”
"You've been crying!"
“It was so awful, I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.... Oh, I should die also.”
“It was so terrible, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.... Oh, I should die too.”
Bertha could scarcely realise that her husband was by her side in the flesh, alive and well.
Bertha could hardly believe that her husband was right there next to her, alive and well.
“Would you be sorry if I died?” she asked him.
“Would you be sad if I died?” she asked him.
“Sometimes I’m so frightened, I don’t believe I’ll get over it.”
“Sometimes I’m so scared, I don’t think I’ll get past it.”
He laughed at her, and his joyous tones were peculiarly comforting. She made him sit by her side and held his strong hands, the hands which to her were the visible signs of his powerful manhood. She stroked them and kissed the palms. She was quite broken with the past emotions; her limbs trembled and her eyes glistened with tears.
Chapter XVI
THE nurse arrived, bringing new apprehension. She was an old woman who, for twenty years, had helped the neighbouring gentry into the world; and she had a copious store of ghastly anecdote. In her mouth the terrors of birth were innumerable, and she told her stories with a cumulative art that was appalling. Of course, in her mind, she acted for the best; Bertha was nervous, and the nurse could imagine no better way of reassuring her than to give detailed accounts of patients who for days had been at death’s door, given up by all the doctors, and yet had finally recovered.
THE nurse arrived, bringing a wave of new worry. She was an old woman who had been helping the local gentry give birth for twenty years, and she had a wealth of terrifying stories. In her mind, the fears of childbirth were countless, and she shared her stories with an unsettling flair. Naturally, she thought she was doing the right thing; Bertha was anxious, and the nurse believed the best way to calm her was to share detailed accounts of patients who had been at death's door for days, written off by all the doctors, yet ended up recovering.
Bertha’s quick invention magnified the coming anguish till, for thinking of it, she could hardly sleep. The impossibility even to conceive it rendered it more formidable; she saw before her a long, long agony, and then death. She could not bear Edward to be out of her sight.
Bertha's sudden realization amplified the impending sorrow to the point where she struggled to sleep just thinking about it. The sheer impossibility of imagining it made it even more daunting; she envisioned a long, drawn-out suffering followed by death. She couldn't stand the thought of Edward being out of her sight.
“Why, of course you’ll get over it,” he said. “I promise you it’s nothing to make a fuss about.”
“Of course you’ll get over it,” he said. “I promise you it’s nothing to worry about.”
He had bred animals for years and was quite used to the process which supplied him with veal, mutton, and beef, for the local butchers. It was a ridiculous fuss that human beings made over a natural and ordinary phenomenon.
He had raised animals for years and was pretty familiar with the process that provided him with veal, mutton, and beef for the local butchers. It was a silly fuss that people made over something so natural and ordinary.
“Oh, I’m so afraid of the pain. I feel certain that I shan’t get over it—it’s awful. I wish I hadn’t got to go through it.”
“Oh, I’m so scared of the pain. I really don't think I’ll get through it—it’s terrible. I wish I didn’t have to go through this.”
“Good heavens,” cried the doctor, “one would think no one had ever had a baby before you.”
“Good heavens,” exclaimed the doctor, “you'd think no one has ever had a baby before you.”
“Oh, don’t laugh at me. Can’t you see how frightened I am! I have a presentiment that I shall die.”
“Oh, don’t laugh at me. Can’t you see how scared I am! I have a feeling that I’m going to die.”
“Oh, you can laugh,” said Bertha. “I’ve got to go through it.”
“Oh, you can laugh,” Bertha said. “I have to deal with it.”
Another day passed, and the nurse said the doctor must be immediately sent for. Bertha had made Edward promise to remain with her all the time.
Another day went by, and the nurse said the doctor needed to be called right away. Bertha had made Edward promise to stay with her the entire time.
“I think I shall have courage if I can hold your hand,” she said.
“I think I’ll have the courage if I can hold your hand,” she said.
“Nonsense,” said Dr. Ramsay, when Edward told him this, “I’m not going to have a man meddling about.”
“Nonsense,” Dr. Ramsay said when Edward told him this, “I’m not going to let someone interfere.”
“I thought not,” said Edward, “but I just promised, to keep her quiet.”
“I didn't think so,” said Edward, “but I just promised to keep her quiet.”
“If you’ll keep yourself quiet,” answered the doctor, “that’s all I shall expect.”
“If you stay quiet,” the doctor replied, “that’s all I’ll ask.”
“Oh, you needn’t fear about me. I know all about these things—why, my dear doctor, I’ve brought a good sight more living things into the world than you have, I bet.”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about me. I know all about this stuff—why, my dear doctor, I’ve brought a lot more lives into the world than you have, I bet.”
Edward, calm, self-possessed, unimaginative, was the ideal person for an emergency.
Edward, calm, composed, and practical, was the perfect person for an emergency.
“There’s no good my knocking about the house all the afternoon,” he said. “I should only mope, and if I’m wanted I can always be sent for.”
“There’s no point in me hanging around the house all afternoon,” he said. “I’d just end up feeling down, and if anyone needs me, they can always call for me.”
He left word that he was going to Bewlie’s Farm to see a sick cow, about which he was very anxious.
He let it be known that he was going to Bewlie’s Farm to check on a sick cow that he was really worried about.
“She’s the best milker I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I should do if anything went wrong with her. She gives her so-many pints a day, as regular as possible. She’s brought in over and over again the money I gave for her.”
“She’s the best milker I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. She gives so many pints a day, as regularly as possible. She’s consistently brought in more money than what I paid for her.”
He walked along with the free and easy step which Bertha so much admired, glancing now and then at the fields which bordered the highway. He stopped to examine the beans of a rival farmer.
He walked with a relaxed and confident stride that Bertha really admired, glancing occasionally at the fields next to the road. He stopped to check out the beans of a competing farmer.
“That soil’s no good,” he said, shaking his head. “It don’t pay to grow beans on a patch like that.”
“That soil’s no good,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not worth it to grow beans on a patch like that.”
When he arrived at Bewlie’s Farm, Edward called for the labourer in charge of the invalid.
When he got to Bewlie’s Farm, Edward called for the worker in charge of the sick person.
“Well, how’s she going?”
"How's it going?"
“Bad job.... Has Thompson been to see her to-day?” Thompson was the vet.
“Bad job.... Has Thompson come to see her today?” Thompson was the vet.
“‘E can’t make nothin’ of it—’e thinks it’s a habscess she’s got, but I don’t put much faith in Mister Thompson: ’is father was a labourer same as me, only ’e didn’t ’ave to do with farming, bein’ a bricklayer; and wot ’is son can know about cattle is beyond me altogether.”
“‘He can’t make anything of it—’ he thinks it’s an abscess she has, but I don’t have much faith in Mr. Thompson: his father was a laborer like me, but he didn’t work in farming, being a bricklayer; and what his son could possibly know about cattle is totally beyond me.”
“Well, let’s go and look at her,” said Edward.
“Well, let’s go check her out,” said Edward.
He strode over to the barn, followed by the labourer. The beast was standing in one corner, even more meditative than is usual with cows, hanging her head and humping her back. She seemed profoundly pessimistic.
He walked over to the barn, with the laborer trailing behind him. The cow was standing in one corner, looking even more thoughtful than usual, with her head down and her back arched. She appeared deeply pessimistic.
“I should have thought Thompson could do something,” said Edward.
“I should have thought Thompson could do something,” Edward said.
“‘E says the butcher’s the only thing for ’er,” said the other, with great contempt.
“‘She says the butcher’s the only option for her,” said the other, with great disdain.
Edward snorted indignantly. “Butcher indeed! I’d like to butcher him if I got the chance.”
Edward snorted in outrage. “Butcher, really! I’d love to take him out if I had the chance.”
He went into the farmhouse, which for years had been his home; but he was a practical, sensible fellow and it brought him no memories, no particular emotion.
He walked into the farmhouse, which had been his home for years; but he was a practical, sensible guy, and it brought him no memories or strong feelings.
“Well, Mrs. Jones,” he said to the tenant’s wife. “How’s yourself?”
“Well, Mrs. Jones,” he said to the tenant’s wife. “How are you doing?”
“Middlin’, sir. And ’ow are you and Mrs. Craddock?”
“Middling, sir. And how are you and Mrs. Craddock?”
“I’m all right—the Missus is having a baby, you know.”
“I’m doing fine—the wife is having a baby, you know.”
He spoke in the jovial, careless way which necessarily endeared him to the whole world.
He spoke in a cheerful, relaxed manner that naturally charmed everyone around him.
“Bless my soul, is she indeed, sir—and I knew you when you was a boy! When d’you expect it?”
"Wow, is she really, sir—and I remember you when you were a kid! When do you think it will happen?"
“I expect it every minute. Why, for all I know, I may be a happy father when I get back to tea.”
“I expect it any minute. For all I know, I might be a happy dad when I get back for tea.”
“You take it pretty cool, governor,” said Farmer Jones, who had known Edward in the days of his poverty.
“You're handling it pretty well, governor,” said Farmer Jones, who had known Edward back when he was struggling.
“Me?” cried Edward, laughing. “I know all about this sort of thing, you see. Why, look at all the calves I’ve had—and mind you, I’ve not had an accident with a cow above twice, all the time I’ve gone in for breeding.... But I’d better be going to see how the Missus is getting on. Good afternoon to you, Mrs. Jones.”
“Now what I like about the squire,” said Mrs. Jones, “is that there’s no ‘aughtiness in ’im. ’E ain’t too proud to take a cup of tea with you, although ’e is the squire now.”
“Now what I like about the squire,” said Mrs. Jones, “is that there’s no arrogance in him. He isn’t too proud to have a cup of tea with you, even though he is the squire now.”
“‘E’s the best squire we’ve ’ad for thirty years,” said Farmer Jones, “and, as you say, my dear, there’s not a drop of ’aughtiness in ‘im—which is more than you can say for his missus.”
“He's the best squire we've had for thirty years,” said Farmer Jones, “and, as you say, my dear, there’s not a bit of arrogance in him—which is more than you can say for his wife.”
“Oh well, she’s young-like,” replied his wife. “They do say as ’ow ’e’s the master, and I dare say ’e’ll teach ’er better.”
“Oh well, she’s young,” replied his wife. “They say he’s the master, and I’m sure he’ll teach her better.”
“Trust ’im for makin’ ’is wife buckle under; ’e’s not a man to stand nonsense from anybody.”
“Trust him to make his wife submit; he’s not someone who puts up with nonsense from anyone.”
Edward swung along the road, whirling his stick round, whistling, and talking to the dogs that accompanied him. He was of a hopeful disposition, and did not think it would be necessary to slaughter his best cow. He did not believe in the vet. half so much as in himself, and his firm opinion was that she would recover. He walked up the avenue of Court Leys, looking at the young elms he had planted to fill the gaps; they were pretty healthy on the whole, and he was pleased with his work.
Edward strolled down the road, spinning his stick around, whistling, and chatting with the dogs following him. He was optimistic and didn't think it would be necessary to kill his best cow. He trusted himself way more than the vet, and he was convinced she would get better. He made his way up the avenue of Court Leys, admiring the young elms he had planted to fill in the gaps; they were generally looking pretty healthy, and he felt good about his efforts.
He went to Bertha’s room and knocked at the door. Dr. Ramsay opened it, but with his burly frame barred the passage.
He went to Bertha's room and knocked on the door. Dr. Ramsay opened it, but his bulky frame blocked the entrance.
“Oh, don’t be afraid,” said Edward, “I don’t want to come in. I know when I’m best out of the way.... How is she getting on?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Edward, “I don’t want to come in. I know when it’s best for me to stay out of the way.... How is she doing?”
“Well, I’m afraid it won’t be such an easy job as I thought,” whispered the doctor; “but there’s no reason to get alarmed.”
“Well, I’m afraid this isn’t going to be as easy as I thought,” whispered the doctor; “but there’s no need to panic.”
“I shall be downstairs if you want me for anything.”
“I'll be downstairs if you need me for anything.”
“She was asking for you a good deal just now, but nurse told her it would upset you if you were there; so then she said, ‘Don’t let him come; I’ll bear it alone.’”
“She was asking for you a lot just now, but the nurse told her it would upset you if you were there; so then she said, ‘Don’t let him come; I’ll handle it on my own.’”
Dr. Ramsay shut the door upon him.
Dr. Ramsay closed the door on him.
“Sensible chap that,” he said. “I like him better and better. Why, most men would be fussing about and getting hysterical, and Lord knows what.”
“Smart guy,” he said. “I like him more and more. Most guys would be panicking and getting all worked up, who knows what else.”
“Was that Eddie?” asked Bertha, her voice trembling with recent agony.
“Was that Eddie?” Bertha asked, her voice shaking with recent pain.
“Yes; he came to see how you were.”
“Yes; he came to check on you.”
“He isn’t very much upset, is he? Don’t tell him I’m very bad—it’ll make him wretched. I’ll bear it alone.”
“He's not too upset, is he? Don't tell him I'm really bad—it'll make him miserable. I'll handle it by myself.”
Edward, downstairs, told himself it was no use getting into a state, which was quite true, and taking the most comfortable chair in the room, settled down to read his paper. Before dinner he went to make more inquiries. Dr. Ramsay came out saying he had given Bertha opium, and for a while she was quiet.
Edward, downstairs, reminded himself that it was pointless to get worked up, which was accurate. He chose the most comfortable chair in the room and settled in to read his newspaper. Before dinner, he went to ask more questions. Dr. Ramsay came out, saying he had given Bertha opium, and for a while, she was calm.
“It’s lucky you did it just at dinner time,” said Edward, with a laugh. “We’ll be able to have a snack together.”
“It’s lucky you did it right at dinner time,” Edward said with a laugh. “We’ll be able to have a snack together.”
They sat down and began to eat. They rivalled one another in their appetites; and the doctor, liking Edward more and more, said it did him good to see a man who could eat well. But before they had reached the pudding, a message came from the nurse to say that Bertha was awake, and Dr. Ramsay regretfully left the table. Edward went on eating steadfastly. At last, with the happy sigh of the man conscious of virtue and a satisfied stomach, he lit his pipe and again settling himself in the armchair, shortly began to doze. The evening, however, was long, and he felt bored.
They sat down and started eating. They competed with each other in their appetites; and the doctor, growing fond of Edward, said it was good to see a man who could eat well. But before they got to the dessert, a message came from the nurse to say that Bertha was awake, and Dr. Ramsay reluctantly left the table. Edward kept eating steadily. Finally, with a happy sigh of a man aware of his virtue and a full stomach, he lit his pipe and settled back into the armchair, soon starting to doze off. However, the evening felt long, and he started to feel bored.
“It ought to be all over by now,” he said. “I wonder if I need stay up?”
“It should be finished by now,” he said. “I wonder if I need to stay up?”
Dr. Ramsay seemed a little worried when Edward went to him a third time.
Dr. Ramsay looked a bit concerned when Edward came to him for the third time.
“I’m afraid it’s a difficult case,” he said. “It’s most unfortunate. She’s been suffering a good deal, poor thing.”
“I’m afraid it’s a tough situation,” he said. “It’s really unfortunate. She’s been going through a lot, the poor thing.”
“Well, is there anything I can do?” asked Edward.
“Well, is there anything I can do?” Edward asked.
“No, except to keep calm and not make a fuss.”
“No, just stay calm and don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“You’re splendid,” said Dr. Ramsay. “I tell you I like to see a man keep his head so well through a job like this.”
“You're amazing,” Dr. Ramsay said. “I really appreciate seeing a guy stay so calm during a task like this.”
“Well, what I came to ask you was—is there any good in my sitting up? Of course I’ll do it if anything can be done; but if not I may as well go to bed.”
“Well, what I wanted to ask you is—does it actually help if I stay up? I’ll do it if there’s something that can be done; but if not, I might as well go to bed.”
“Yes, I think you’d much better; I’ll call you if you’re wanted. I think you might come in and say a word or two to Bertha; it will encourage her.”
“Yes, I think you'd be better off; I'll call you if you’re needed. I think you should come in and say a word or two to Bertha; it will encourage her.”
Edward entered. Bertha was lying with staring, terrified eyes—eyes that seemed to have lately seen entirely new things, they shone glassily. Her face was whiter than ever, the blood had fled from her lips, and her cheeks were sunken: she looked as if she were dying. She greeted Edward with the faintest smile.
Edward walked in. Bertha was lying there with wide, scared eyes—eyes that looked like they had just seen something completely unfamiliar; they shone like glass. Her face was paler than ever, the color had drained from her lips, and her cheeks were hollow: she looked like she was about to collapse. She greeted Edward with the faintest smile.
“How are you, little woman?” he asked.
“How are you, little lady?” he asked.
His presence seemed to call her back to life, and a faint colour lit up her cheeks.
His presence seemed to bring her back to life, and a slight blush colored her cheeks.
“I’m all right,” she said, making an effort. “You mustn’t worry yourself, dear.”
“I’m fine,” she said, putting on a brave face. “You don’t need to worry, sweetheart.”
“Been having a bad time?”
"Having a rough time?"
“No,” she said, bravely. “I’ve not really suffered much—there’s nothing for you to upset yourself about.”
“No,” she said, confidently. “I haven’t really gone through much—there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
He went out, and she called Dr. Ramsay. “You haven’t told him what I’ve gone through, have you? I don’t want him to know.”
He went outside, and she called Dr. Ramsay. “You haven’t told him what I’ve been through, have you? I don’t want him to know.”
“No, that’s all right. I’ve told him to go to bed.”
“No, that’s okay. I told him to go to bed.”
“Oh, I’m glad. He can’t bear not to get his proper night’s rest.... How long d’you think it will last—already I feel as if I’d been tortured for ever, and it seems endless.”
“Oh, I’m so relieved. He can’t stand missing out on his proper night’s sleep.... How long do you think this will go on for—already I feel like I’ve been tortured forever, and it feels like it will never end.”
“Oh, it’ll soon be over now, I hope.”
“Oh, I hope it’ll be over soon.”
“I’m sure I’m going to die,” she whispered; “I feel that life is being gradually drawn out of me—I shouldn’t mind if it weren’t for Eddie. He’ll be so cut up.”
“I’m sure I’m going to die,” she whispered; “I feel like life is slowly being drained from me—I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t for Eddie. He’s going to be so upset.”
“What nonsense!” said the nurse, “you all say you’re going to die.”
“What nonsense!” the nurse said. “You all keep saying you're going to die.”
Edward—dear, manly, calm, and pure-minded fellow as he was—went to bed quietly and soon was fast asleep. But his slumbers were somewhat troubled: generally he enjoyed the heavy dreamless sleep of the man who has no nerves and plenty of exercise. To-night, however, he dreamt. He dreamt not only that one cow was sick, but that all his cattle had fallen ill—the cows stood about with gloomy eyes and humpbacks, surly and dangerous, evidently with their livers totally deranged; the oxen were “blown,” and lay on their backs with legs kicking feebly in the air.
Edward—dear, strong, calm, and pure-minded guy that he was—went to bed quietly and soon fell fast asleep. But his dreams were a bit troubled: usually he enjoyed the deep, dreamless sleep of someone who has no worries and stays active. Tonight, however, he dreamt. He dreamt not just that one cow was sick, but that all his cattle had gotten ill—the cows stood around with sad eyes and hunched backs, grumpy and dangerous, clearly with their livers completely messed up; the oxen were “bloated,” lying on their backs with their legs weakly kicking in the air.
“You must send them all to the butcher’s,” said the vet.; “there’s nothing to be done with them.”
“You need to take them all to the butcher’s,” said the vet. “There’s nothing that can be done with them.”
“Good Lord deliver us,” said Edward; “I shan’t get four bob a stone for them.”
“Good Lord, help us,” said Edward; “I won’t get four bucks a stone for them.”
But his dream was disturbed by a knock at the door, and Edward awoke to find Dr. Ramsay shaking him.
But his dream was interrupted by a knock at the door, and Edward woke up to find Dr. Ramsay shaking him.
“Wake up, man—get up and dress quickly.”
“Wake up, dude—get up and get dressed fast.”
“What’s the matter?” cried Edward, jumping out of bed and seizing his clothes. “What’s the time?”
“What’s wrong?” shouted Edward, jumping out of bed and grabbing his clothes. “What time is it?”
“It’s half-past four.... I want you to go into Tercanbury for Dr. Spocref; Bertha is very bad.”
“It’s 4:30.... I need you to go to Tercanbury for Dr. Spocref; Bertha is really sick.”
“All right, I’ll bring him back with me.” Edward rapidly dressed himself.
“All right, I’ll bring him back with me.” Edward quickly got dressed.
“I’ll go round and wake up the man to put the horse in.”
“I’ll go around and wake up the guy to bring in the horse.”
“No, I’ll do that myself; it’ll take me half the time.” He methodically laced his boots.
“No, I’ll handle that myself; it’ll take me half the time.” He carefully laced up his boots.
“Bertha is in no immediate danger. But I must have a consultation. I still hope we shall bring her through it.”
“Bertha isn't in any immediate danger. But I need to have a consultation. I'm still hopeful we can get her through this.”
“By Jove,” said Edward, “I didn’t know it was so bad as that.”
“Wow,” said Edward, “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”
“You need not get alarmed yet—the great thing is for you to keep calm and bring Spocref along as quickly as possible. It’s not hopeless yet.”
“You don’t need to panic just yet—the important thing is for you to stay calm and bring Spocref along as soon as you can. It’s not hopeless yet.”
Edward, with all his wits about him, was soon ready and with equal rapidity set to harnessing the horse; he carefully lit the lamps, as the proverb, more haste, less speed, passed through his mind. In two minutes he was on the main road, and whipped up the horse. He went with a quick, steady trot through the silent night.
Edward, clear-headed and focused, quickly got ready and just as fast began harnessing the horse. He carefully lit the lamps, reminding himself of the saying, more haste, less speed. In two minutes, he was on the main road and urged the horse forward. He moved with a brisk, steady trot through the quiet night.
Chapter XVII
EDWARD CRADDOCK was a strong man, also unimaginative. Driving through the night to Tercanbury he did not give way to distressing thoughts, but easily kept his anxiety within proper bounds, and gave his whole attention to conducting the horse; he kept his eyes on the road in front of him, and the beast stepped out with swift, regular stride, rapidly passing the milestones. Edward rang Dr. Spocref up and gave him the note he carried. The doctor presently came down, an undersized man with a squeaky voice and a gesticulative manner. He looked upon Edward with suspicion.
EDWARD CRADDOCK was a strong man, but also not very imaginative. As he drove through the night to Tercanbury, he didn’t let distressing thoughts overwhelm him; instead, he managed his anxiety well and focused entirely on guiding the horse. He kept his eyes on the road ahead, and the horse moved forward with a swift, steady pace, quickly passing the milestones. Edward called Dr. Spocref and handed him the note he was carrying. The doctor soon came down, a small man with a squeaky voice and expressive gestures. He looked at Edward with suspicion.
“I suppose you’re the husband?” he said, as they clattered down the street. “Would you like me to drive? I dare say you’re rather upset.”
“I guess you’re the husband?” he said, as they walked down the street. “Do you want me to drive? I bet you’re quite upset.”
“No—and don’t want to be,” answered Edward, with a laugh. He looked down a little upon people who lived in towns, and never trusted a man who was less than six feet high and burly in proportion!
“No—and don’t want to be,” Edward replied with a laugh. He looked down a bit on people who lived in towns and never trusted a man who was under six feet tall and burly!
“I’m rather nervous of anxious husbands who drive me at a breakneck pace in the middle of the night,” said the doctor. “The ditches have an almost irresistible attraction for them.”
“I’m pretty nervous about anxious husbands who speed me around like crazy in the middle of the night,” said the doctor. “The ditches have an almost irresistible pull for them.”
“Well, I’m not nervous, doctor, so it doesn’t matter twopence if you are.”
“Well, I’m not nervous, doctor, so it doesn’t matter at all if you are.”
When they reached the open country, Edward set the horse going at its fastest; he was somewhat amused at the doctor’s desire to drive—absurd little man!
When they got to the open countryside, Edward urged the horse to go as fast as it could; he found the doctor's eagerness to drive a bit amusing—what an absurd little man!
“Are you holding on tight?” he asked, with good-natured scorn.
“Are you holding on tight?” he asked, teasingly.
“I see you can drive,” said the doctor.
“I see you can drive,” said the doctor.
He showed the specialist to the bedroom, and asked whether Dr. Ramsay required him further.
He led the specialist to the bedroom and asked if Dr. Ramsay needed him anymore.
“No, I don’t want you just now; but you’d better stay up to be ready, if anything happens.... I’m afraid Bertha is very bad indeed—you must be prepared for everything.”
“No, I don’t need you right now; but you should stay up just in case something happens.... I’m really worried that Bertha is very sick—you need to be ready for anything.”
Edward retired to the next room and sat down. He was genuinely disturbed, but even now could not realise that Bertha was dying—his mind was sluggish, and he was unable to imagine the future. A more emotional man would have been white with fear, his heart beating painfully and his nerves quivering with a hundred anticipated terrors. He would have been quite useless; while Edward was fit for any emergency—he could have been trusted to drive another ten miles in search of some appliance, and, with perfect steadiness, to help in any necessary operation.
Edward went into the next room and sat down. He was genuinely upset, but even now he couldn't grasp that Bertha was dying—his mind felt dull, and he couldn’t envision the future. A more emotional person would have been pale with fear, their heart pounding painfully and their nerves trembling with a hundred imagined horrors. That person would have been completely useless; meanwhile, Edward was ready for any emergency—he could have been relied upon to drive another ten miles in search of some equipment, and he could have calmly assisted in any necessary procedure.
“You know,” he said to Dr. Ramsay, “I don’t want to get in your way; but if I should be any use in the room, you can trust me not to get flurried.”
“You know,” he said to Dr. Ramsay, “I don’t want to interfere; but if I can be of any help in the room, you can count on me to stay calm.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do; the nurse is very trustworthy and capable.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do; the nurse is really trustworthy and capable.”
“Women,” said Edward, “get so excited; they always make fools of themselves if they possibly can.”
“Women,” said Edward, “get so worked up; they always end up making fools of themselves whenever they can.”
But the night air had made Craddock sleepy, and after half-an-hour in the chair, trying to read a book, he dozed off. Presently, however, he awoke, and the first light of day filled the room with a gray coldness. He looked at his watch.
But the night air had made Craddock sleepy, and after half an hour in the chair, trying to read a book, he nodded off. Soon, though, he woke up, and the first light of day filled the room with a gray chill. He glanced at his watch.
“By Jove, it’s a long job,” he said.
“Wow, this is a long task,” he said.
There was a knock at the door, and the nurse came in.
There was a knock at the door, and the nurse walked in.
“Will you please come.”
"Please come."
Dr. Ramsay met him in the passage. “Thank God, it’s over. She’s had a terrible time.”
Dr. Ramsay ran into him in the hallway. “Thank God, it’s finally over. She’s had a really tough time.”
“Is she all right?”
“Is she okay?”
“I think she’s in no danger now—but I’m sorry to say we couldn’t save the child.”
“I think she's safe now—but I’m sorry to say we couldn’t save the child.”
A pang went through Edward’s heart. “Is it dead?”
A pang went through Edward’s heart. “Is it dead?”
“It was still-born. I was afraid it was hopeless. You’d better go to Bertha now—she wants you. She doesn’t know about the child.”
“It was stillborn. I was afraid it was hopeless. You’d better go to Bertha now—she wants you. She doesn’t know about the baby.”
Bertha was lying in an attitude of complete exhaustion: she lay on her back, with arms stretched in utter weakness by her sides. Her face was gray with past anguish, her eyes dull and lifeless, half closed; and her jaw hung almost as hangs the jaw of a corpse. She tried to form a smile as she saw Edward, but in her feebleness the lips scarcely moved.
Bertha was lying in a position of total exhaustion: she lay on her back, with her arms weakly stretched out by her sides. Her face looked pale from past pain, her eyes dull and lifeless, half-closed; and her jaw hung almost like that of a corpse. She attempted to smile as she saw Edward, but in her frailty, her lips barely moved.
“Don’t try to speak, dear,” said the nurse, seeing that Bertha was attempting words.
“Don’t try to talk, dear,” said the nurse, noticing that Bertha was trying to speak.
Edward bent down and kissed her, the faintest blush coloured her cheeks, and she began to cry; the tears stealthily glided down her cheeks.
Edward leaned down and kissed her; the slightest blush appeared on her cheeks, and she started to cry. The tears quietly slid down her face.
“Come nearer to me, Eddie,” she whispered.
“Come closer to me, Eddie,” she whispered.
He knelt beside her, suddenly touched. He took her hand, and the contact had a vivifying effect; she drew a long breath, and her lips formed a weary, weary smile.
He knelt beside her, feeling a sudden wave of emotion. He took her hand, and the touch energized her; she inhaled deeply, and her lips curled into a tired, tired smile.
“Thank God, it’s over,” she groaned, half whispering. “Oh, Eddie, darling, you can’t think what I’ve gone through.”
“Thank God, it's finally over,” she groaned, half whispering. “Oh, Eddie, darling, you have no idea what I've been through.”
“Well, it’s all over now.”
“Well, it’s done now.”
“And you’ve been worrying too, Eddie. It encouraged me to think that you shared my trouble. You must go to sleep now. It was good of you to drive to Tercanbury for me.”
“And you’ve been worried too, Eddie. It made me feel better knowing you were facing the same issue. You need to get some sleep now. It was kind of you to drive to Tercanbury for me.”
“You mustn’t talk,” said Dr. Ramsay, coming back into the room, after seeing the specialist sent off.
“You shouldn’t talk,” Dr. Ramsay said as he walked back into the room after sending off the specialist.
“I’m better now,” said Bertha, “since I’ve seen Eddie.”
“I’m feeling better now,” said Bertha, “since I’ve seen Eddie.”
“Well, you must go to sleep.”
“Well, you need to go to sleep.”
“You’ve not told me yet if it’s a boy or a girl; tell me, Eddie, you know.”
“You still haven't told me if it's a boy or a girl; come on, Eddie, you know.”
Edward looked uneasily at the doctor.
Edward looked nervously at the doctor.
“It’s a boy,” said Dr. Ramsay.
“It’s a boy,” Dr. Ramsay said.
“Not yet.”
“Not yet.”
“It’s our child, isn’t it? It’s worth going through the pain to have a baby. I’m so happy.”
“It’s our baby, right? It’s worth all the pain to have a child. I’m so happy.”
“You must go to sleep now.”
“You need to go to sleep now.”
“I’m not a bit sleepy—and I want to see my boy.”
“I’m not tired at all—and I want to see my boy.”
“No, you can’t see him now,” said Dr. Ramsay, “he’s asleep, and you mustn’t disturb him.”
“Not right now, you can’t see him,” Dr. Ramsay said, “he’s sleeping, and you shouldn’t disturb him.”
“Oh, I should like to see him, just for one minute. You needn’t wake him.”
“Oh, I’d really like to see him, just for one minute. You don’t have to wake him.”
“You shall see him after you’ve been asleep,” said the doctor, soothingly. “It’ll excite you too much.”
“You'll see him after you've had some sleep,” the doctor said gently. “It would be too exciting for you right now.”
“Well, you go in and see him, Eddie, and kiss him, and then I’ll go to sleep.”
“Well, you go in and see him, Eddie, and give him a kiss, and then I’ll go to sleep.”
She seemed so anxious that at least its father should see his child, that the nurse led Edward into the next room. On a chest of drawers was lying something covered with a towel. This the nurse lifted, and Edward saw his child; it was naked and very small, hardly human, repulsive, yet very pitiful. The eyes were closed, the eyes that had never been opened. Edward looked at it for a minute.
She looked so anxious that at least the father should see his child, that the nurse took Edward into the next room. On a dresser was something covered with a towel. The nurse lifted it, and Edward saw his child; it was naked and very small, barely human, disturbing, yet very sad. The eyes were closed, the eyes that had never opened. Edward stared at it for a minute.
“I promised I’d kiss it,” he whispered.
“I promised I’d kiss it,” he said quietly.
He bent down and touched with his lips the white forehead; the nurse drew the towel over the body, and they went back to Bertha.
He leaned down and kissed her pale forehead; the nurse covered the body with a towel, and they returned to Bertha.
“Is he sleeping?” she asked.
“Is he asleep?” she asked.
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
“Did you kiss him?”
“Did you make out with him?”
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
Bertha smiled. “Fancy your kissing baby before me.”
Bertha smiled. “Can you believe you kissed the baby in front of me?”
But Dr. Ramsay’s draught was taking its effect, and almost immediately Bertha fell into a pleasant sleep.
But Dr. Ramsay’s medicine was kicking in, and almost right away, Bertha drifted into a peaceful sleep.
“Let’s take a turn in the garden,” said Dr. Ramsay. “I think I ought to be here when she wakes.”
“Let’s go for a walk in the garden,” Dr. Ramsay said. “I think I should be here when she wakes up.”
“Cheer up, my boy,” he said. “You’ve borne it all magnificently. I’ve never seen a man go through a night like this better than you; and upon my word, you’re as fresh as paint this morning.”
“Cheer up, my boy,” he said. “You’ve handled it all really well. I’ve never seen anyone get through a night like this better than you; and I swear, you look as fresh as a daisy this morning.”
“Oh, I’m all right,” said Edward. “What’s to be done about—about the baby?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” said Edward. “What should we do about—the baby?”
“I think she’ll be able to bear it better after she’s had a sleep. I really didn’t dare say it was still-born. The shock would have been too much for her.”
“I think she’ll handle it better after she’s had some sleep. I really couldn’t bring myself to say it was stillborn. The shock would have been too overwhelming for her.”
They went in and washed and ate, then waited for Bertha to wake. At last the nurse called them.
They went in, washed up, and ate, then waited for Bertha to wake up. Finally, the nurse called them.
“You poor things,” cried Bertha, as they entered the room. “Have you had no sleep at all?... I feel quite well now, and I want my baby. Nurse says it’s sleeping and I can’t have it—but I will. I want it to sleep with me, I want to look at my son.”
“You poor things,” Bertha exclaimed as they walked into the room. “Have you not slept at all?... I feel totally fine now, and I want my baby. The nurse says he’s sleeping and I can't have him—but I will. I want him to sleep with me, I want to see my son.”
Edward and the nurse looked at Dr. Ramsay, who for once was disconcerted.
Edward and the nurse stared at Dr. Ramsay, who for once seemed unsettled.
“I don’t think you’d better have him to-day, Bertha,” he said. “It would upset you.”
“I don’t think you should have him today, Bertha,” he said. “It would upset you.”
“Oh, but I must have my baby. Nurse, bring him to me at once.”
“Oh, I need my baby. Nurse, bring him to me right now.”
Edward knelt down again by the bedside and took her hands. “Now, Bertha, you musn’t be alarmed, but the baby’s not well, and——“
Edward knelt down again by the bedside and took her hands. “Now, Bertha, you shouldn’t be alarmed, but the baby’s not well, and——“
“What d’you mean?” Bertha suddenly sprang up in the bed.
“What do you mean?” Bertha suddenly jumped up in bed.
“Lie down. Lie down,” cried Dr. Ramsay and the nurse, forcing her back on the pillow.
“Lie down. Lie down,” shouted Dr. Ramsay and the nurse, pushing her back onto the pillow.
“What’s the matter with him, doctor,” she cried, in sudden terror.
“What's wrong with him, doctor?” she exclaimed, filled with sudden fear.
“It’s as Edward says, he’s not well.”
“It’s like Edward said, he’s not feeling well.”
“Oh, he isn’t going to die—after all I’ve gone through.”
“Oh, he’s not going to die—not after everything I’ve been through.”
She looked from one to the other. “Oh, tell me; don’t keep me in suspense. I can bear it, whatever it is.”
She looked back and forth between them. “Oh, please tell me; don’t keep me waiting. I can handle it, no matter what it is.”
Dr. Ramsay touched Edward, encouraging him.
Dr. Ramsay gently touched Edward, offering him support.
“He isn’t dead?” she shrieked.
“He's not dead?” she shrieked.
“I’m awfully sorry, dear.... He was still-born.”
“I’m really sorry, dear.... He was stillborn.”
“Oh, God!” groaned Bertha, it was a cry of despair. And then she burst into passionate weeping.
“Oh, God!” groaned Bertha, a cry of despair. Then she broke down in intense tears.
Her sobs were terrible, uncontrollable; it was her life that she was weeping away, her hope of happiness, all her desires and dreams. Her heart seemed breaking. She put her hands to her eyes, with a gesture of utter agony.
Her sobs were awful and uncontrollable; she was crying over her life, her hope for happiness, all her desires and dreams. It felt like her heart was breaking. She covered her eyes with her hands, overwhelmed by utter agony.
“Then I went through it all for nothing.... Oh, Eddie, you don’t know the frightful pain of it—all night I thought I should die.... I would have given anything to be put out of my suffering. And it was all useless.”
“Then I went through it all for nothing.... Oh, Eddie, you have no idea of the terrible pain of it—all night I thought I might die.... I would have given anything to escape my suffering. And it was all pointless.”
She sobbed still more irresistibly, quite crushed by the recollection of what she had gone through, and its futility.
She sobbed even more uncontrollably, completely overwhelmed by the memory of what she had experienced and its pointlessness.
“Oh, I wish I could die.”
“Oh, I wish I could just end it all.”
The tears were in Edward’s eyes, and he kissed her hands.
The tears were in Edward’s eyes, and he kissed her hands.
“Don’t give way, darling,” he said, searching in vain for words to console her. His voice faltered and broke.
“Don’t back down, sweetheart,” he said, struggling to find words to comfort her. His voice wavered and broke.
“Oh, Eddie,” she said, “you’re suffering just as much as I am. I forgot.... Let me see him now.”
“Oh, Eddie,” she said, “you’re going through just as much as I am. I forgot.... Let me see him now.”
Dr. Ramsay made a sign to the nurse, and she fetched the dead child. She carried it to the bedside and showed it to Bertha.
Dr. Ramsay signaled to the nurse, and she brought over the deceased child. She placed it by the bedside and showed it to Bertha.
Bertha said nothing, and at last turned away; the nurse withdrew. Bertha’s tears now had ceased, but her mouth was set into a hopeless woe.
Bertha said nothing and finally turned away; the nurse left. Bertha's tears had stopped, but her mouth was fixed in a state of despair.
“Oh, I loved him already so much.”
“Oh, I already loved him so much.”
Edward bent over. “Don’t grieve, darling.”
Edward leaned down. “Don’t be sad, sweetheart.”
Chapter XVIII
FOR days Bertha was overwhelmed with grief. She thought always of the dead child that had never lived, and her heart ached. But above all she was tormented by the idea that all her pain had been futile; she had gone through so much, her sleep still was full of the past agony, and it had been utterly, utterly useless. Her body was mutilated so that she wondered it was possible for her to recover; she had lost her old buoyancy, that vitality which had been so enjoyable, and she felt like an old woman. Her sense of weariness was unendurable—she was so tired that it seemed to her impossible to get rest. She lay in bed, day after day, in a posture of hopeless fatigue, on her back, with arms stretched out alongside of her, the pillows supporting her head: all her limbs were singularly powerless.
FOR days, Bertha was consumed by grief. She constantly thought of the dead child who had never lived, and her heart felt heavy. But most of all, she was tortured by the thought that all her suffering was for nothing; she had endured so much, and her sleep was still filled with the pain of the past, making it feel completely, completely pointless. Her body was so battered that she doubted she could ever heal; she had lost her previous energy, that liveliness she used to enjoy, and she felt like an old woman. Her exhaustion was unbearable—she was so tired that it seemed impossible to find rest. She lay in bed, day after day, in an attitude of hopeless fatigue, on her back, with her arms stretched out beside her, the pillows propping up her head: all her limbs felt strangely powerless.
Recovery was very slow, and Edward suggested sending for Miss Ley, but Bertha refused.
Recovery was really slow, and Edward suggested calling for Miss Ley, but Bertha refused.
“I don’t want to see anybody,” she said; “I merely want to lie still and be quiet.”
“I don’t want to see anyone,” she said; “I just want to lie down and be quiet.”
It bored her to speak with people, and even her affections, for the time, were dormant: she looked upon Edward as some one apart from her, his presence and absence gave no particular emotion. She was tired, and desired only to be left alone. All sympathy was unnecessary and useless, she knew that no one could enter into the bitterness of her sorrow, and she preferred to bear it alone.
It bored her to talk to people, and even her feelings were on hold for the moment: she viewed Edward as someone separate from her, and his presence or absence didn’t really make her feel anything. She was exhausted and just wanted to be alone. Any sympathy felt pointless and unnecessary; she knew that no one could truly understand the depth of her sadness, and she would rather endure it by herself.
Little by little, however, Bertha regained strength and consented to see the friends who called, some genuinely sorry, others impelled merely by a sense of duty or by a ghoul-like curiosity. Miss Glover, at this period, was a great trial; the good creature felt for Bertha the sincerest sympathy, but her feelings were one thing, her sense of right and wrong another. She did not think the young wife took her affliction with proper humility. Gradually a rebellious feeling had replaced the extreme prostration of the beginning, and Bertha raged at the injustice of her lot. Miss Glover came every day, bringing flowers and good advice; but Bertha was not docile, and refused to be satisfied with Miss Glover’s pious consolations. When the good creature read the Bible, Bertha listened with a firmer closing of her lips, sullenly.
Little by little, though, Bertha started to regain her strength and agreed to see the friends who visited her—some were genuinely sympathetic, while others came out of a sense of duty or morbid curiosity. During this time, Miss Glover was quite a challenge; the kind woman felt real sympathy for Bertha, but her emotions were one thing, and her sense of right and wrong was another. She didn't believe that the young wife was handling her situation with the right level of humility. Gradually, a rebellious feeling had replaced the extreme weakness from before, and Bertha was furious about the unfairness of her circumstances. Miss Glover visited every day, bringing flowers and well-meaning advice; however, Bertha was not compliant and turned down Miss Glover’s pious comforts. When the kind woman read the Bible, Bertha listened with her lips pressed tightly shut, sullenly.
“Do you like me to read the Bible to you, dear?” asked the parson’s sister once.
“Do you want me to read the Bible to you, dear?” asked the pastor’s sister once.
And Bertha, driven beyond her patience, could not as usual command her tongue.
And Bertha, pushed past her limits, couldn’t control her tongue as she usually could.
“If it amuses you, dear,” she answered, bitterly.
“If it makes you happy, dear,” she replied, bitterly.
“Oh, Bertha, you’re not taking it in the proper spirit—you’re so rebellious, and it’s wrong, it’s utterly wrong.”
“Oh, Bertha, you’re not seeing it in the right way—you’re being so rebellious, and that’s not okay, it’s completely not okay.”
“I can only think of my baby,” said Bertha, hoarsely.
“I can only think of my baby,” Bertha said hoarsely.
“Why don’t you pray to God, dear—shall I offer a short prayer now, Bertha?”
“Why don’t you pray to God, dear—should I say a quick prayer now, Bertha?”
“No, I don’t want to pray to God—He’s either impotent or cruel.”
“No, I don’t want to pray to God—He’s either powerless or cruel.”
“Bertha,” cried Miss Glover. “You don’t know what you’re saying. Oh, pray to God to melt your stubbornness; pray to God to forgive you.”
“Bertha,” shouted Miss Glover. “You don’t realize what you’re saying. Oh, please pray to God to soften your stubbornness; pray to God to forgive you.”
“I don’t want to be forgiven. I’ve done nothing that needs it. It’s God who needs my forgiveness—not I His.”
“I don’t want to be forgiven. I haven’t done anything that requires it. It’s God who needs my forgiveness—not the other way around.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, Bertha,” replied Miss Glover, very gravely and sorrowfully.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Bertha,” Miss Glover replied, very seriously and sadly.
Bertha was still so ill that Miss Glover dared not press the subject, but she was grievously troubled. She asked herself whether she should consult her brother, to whom an absurd shyness prevented her from mentioning spiritual matters, unless necessity compelled. But she had immense faith in him, and to her he was a type of all that a Christian clergyman should be. Although her character was so much stronger than his, Mr. Glover always seemed to his sister a pillar of strength; and often in past times, when the flesh was more stubborn, had she found help and consolation in his very mediocre sermons. Finally, however, Miss Glover decided to speak to him, with the result that, for a week she avoided spiritual topics in her daily conversation with the invalid; then, Bertha having grown a little stronger, without previously mentioning the fact, she brought her brother to Court Leys.
Bertha was still so ill that Miss Glover didn't dare to bring it up, but she was deeply troubled. She wondered if she should talk to her brother, even though her awkwardness made it hard for her to mention spiritual issues unless it was absolutely necessary. Still, she had great faith in him, and to her, he represented everything a Christian clergyman should be. Although her character was much stronger than his, Mr. Glover always appeared to his sister as a source of strength; often in the past, when she was feeling more vulnerable, she found help and comfort in his rather average sermons. In the end, Miss Glover chose to speak to him, and as a result, for a week, she avoided discussing spiritual topics in her daily conversations with Bertha. Then, as Bertha began to feel a little stronger, without mentioning it beforehand, she brought her brother to Court Leys.
Miss Glover went alone to Bertha’s room, in her ardent sense of propriety fearing that Bertha, in bed, might not be costumed decorously enough for the visit of a clerical gentleman.
Miss Glover went to Bertha’s room by herself, worried about propriety and fearing that Bertha, in bed, might not be dressed appropriately for the visit of a clergyman.
“Oh,” she said, “Charles is downstairs and would like to see you so much. I thought I’d better come up first to see if you were—er—presentable.”
“Oh,” she said, “Charles is downstairs and really wants to see you. I thought I’d better come up first to check if you were—uh—presentable.”
Bertha was sitting up in bed, with a mass of cushions and pillows behind her—a bright red jacket contrasted with her dark hair and the pallor of her skin. She drew her lips together when she heard that the Vicar was below, and a slight frown darkened her forehead. Miss Glover caught sight of it.
Bertha was propped up in bed, surrounded by a pile of cushions and pillows—a bright red jacket stood out against her dark hair and pale skin. She pressed her lips together when she heard that the Vicar was downstairs, and a slight frown creased her forehead. Miss Glover noticed it.
“I don’t think she likes your coming,” said Miss Glover—to encourage him—when she fetched her brother, “but I think it’s your duty.”
“I don’t think she’s happy about your visit,” said Miss Glover—to support him—when she went to get her brother, “but I believe it’s your responsibility.”
“Yes, I think it’s my duty,” replied Mr. Glover, who liked the approaching interview as little as Bertha.
“Yes, I think it’s my responsibility,” replied Mr. Glover, who was just as uneasy about the upcoming meeting as Bertha.
He was an honest man, oppressed by the inroads of dissent; but his ministrations were confined to the services in church, the collecting of subscriptions, and the visiting of the church-going poor. It was something new to be brought before a rebellious gentlewoman, and he did not quite know how to treat her.
He was an honest man, burdened by the challenges of dissent; but his duties were limited to church services, collecting donations, and visiting the church-going poor. It was something different to face a rebellious lady, and he wasn't sure how to engage with her.
Miss Glover opened the bedroom door for her brother and he entered, a cold wind laden with carbolic acid. She solemnly put a chair for him by the bedside and another for herself at a little distance.
Miss Glover opened the bedroom door for her brother, and he stepped inside, a cold breeze carrying the scent of carbolic acid. She seriously placed a chair for him next to the bedside and another for herself a little farther away.
“Ring for the tea before you sit down, Fanny,” said Bertha.
“Call for the tea before you sit down, Fanny,” said Bertha.
“Yes, dear.”
“Sure, babe.”
“I took the liberty of telling him what you said to me the other day, Bertha.”
“I went ahead and told him what you said to me the other day, Bertha.”
Mrs. Craddock pursed her lips, but made no reply.
Mrs. Craddock pressed her lips together but didn't say anything.
“I hope you’re not angry with me for doing so, but I thought it my duty.... Now, Charles.”
“I hope you’re not upset with me for doing this, but I thought it was my responsibility.... Now, Charles.”
The Vicar of Leanham coughed.
The Leanham vicar coughed.
“I can quite understand,” he said, “that you must be most distressed at your affliction. It’s a most unfortunate occurrence. I need not say that Fanny and I sympathise with you from the bottom of our hearts.”
“I totally get it,” he said, “that you must be really upset about your situation. It’s truly unfortunate. I don’t need to mention that Fanny and I feel for you deeply.”
“We do indeed,” said his sister.
“We really do,” said his sister.
Still Bertha did not answer and Miss Glover looked at her uneasily. The Vicar coughed again.
Still, Bertha didn't respond, and Miss Glover glanced at her nervously. The Vicar cleared his throat again.
“But I always think that we should be thankful for the cross we have to bear. It is, as it were, a measure of the confidence that God places in us.”
“But I always believe that we should be grateful for the burdens we carry. They are, in a sense, a reflection of the trust that God has in us.”
Bertha remained quite silent and Miss Glover saw that no good would come by beating about the bush.
Bertha stayed completely quiet, and Miss Glover realized that there was no benefit in avoiding the issue.
“The fact is, Bertha,” she said, breaking the awkward silence, “that Charles and I are very anxious that you should be churched. You don’t mind our saying so, but we’re both a great deal older than you are, and we think it will do you good. We do hope you’ll consent to it; but, more than that, Charles is here as the clergyman of your parish, to tell you that it is your duty.”
“The truth is, Bertha,” she said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, “that Charles and I really want you to be churched. We hope you don’t mind us saying this, but we’re both a lot older than you, and we think it’ll benefit you. We really hope you’ll agree to it; but more importantly, Charles is here as your parish clergyman to tell you that it’s your duty.”
“I hope it won’t be necessary for me to put it in that way, Mrs. Craddock.”
“I hope I won’t have to say it that way, Mrs. Craddock.”
Bertha paused a moment longer, and then asked for a prayer-book. Miss Glover gave a smile which for her was quite radiant.
Bertha paused for a moment longer, then asked for a prayer book. Miss Glover smiled, and for her, it was a really bright smile.
“I’ve been wanting for a long time to make you a little present, Bertha,” she said, “and it occurred to me that you might like a prayer-book with good large print. I’ve noticed in church that the book you generally use is so small that it must try your eyes, and be a temptation to you not to follow the service. So I’ve brought you one to-day, which it will give me very much pleasure if you will accept.”
“I’ve wanted to get you a little gift for a long time, Bertha,” she said, “and I thought you might appreciate a prayer book with big print. I’ve noticed at church that the book you usually use is so small that it must strain your eyes, making it tempting not to follow along with the service. So I brought you one today, and I would be really pleased if you would accept it.”
She produced a large volume, bound in gloomy black cloth, and redolent of the antiseptic odours which pervaded the Vicarage. The print was indeed large, but, since the society which arranged the publication insisted on the combination of cheapness with utility, the paper was abominable.
She pulled out a big book, covered in dark black fabric, and it smelled of the antiseptic scents that filled the Vicarage. The print was definitely large, but since the organization that published it insisted on being affordable while also practical, the paper was terrible.
“Thank you very much,” said Bertha, holding out her hand for the gift. “It’s awfully kind of you.”
“Thank you so much,” said Bertha, reaching out her hand for the gift. “That’s really generous of you.”
“Shall I find you the Churching of Women?”
“Should I get you the Churching of Women?”
Bertha nodded, and presently the Vicar’s sister handed her the book, open. She read a few lines and dropped it.
Bertha nodded, and soon the Vicar’s sister handed her the book, open. She read a few lines and then dropped it.
“I have no wish to ‘give hearty thanks unto God,’” she said, looking almost fiercely at the worthy pair. “I’m very sorry to offend your prejudices, but it seems to me absurd that I should prostrate myself in gratitude to God.”
“I don’t want to ‘give hearty thanks to God,’” she said, looking almost fiercely at the well-meaning couple. “I’m really sorry to go against your beliefs, but it seems ridiculous to me that I should submit in gratitude to God.”
“Oh, Mrs. Craddock, I trust you don’t mean what you say,” said the Vicar.
“Oh, Mrs. Craddock, I hope you don’t really mean what you’re saying,” said the Vicar.
“This is what I told you, Charles,” said Miss Glover. “I don’t think Bertha is well, but still this seems to me dreadfully wicked.”
“This is what I told you, Charles,” said Miss Glover. “I don’t think Bertha is well, but this feels really wrong to me.”
Bertha frowned, finding it difficult to repress the sarcasm which rose to her lips; her forbearance was sorely tried. But Mr. Glover was a little undecided.
Bertha frowned, struggling to hold back the sarcasm that threatened to spill out; her patience was really being tested. But Mr. Glover seemed a bit uncertain.
“We must be as thankful to God for the afflictions He sends as for the benefits,” he said at last.
“We should be just as grateful to God for the challenges He gives us as for the blessings,” he finally said.
“I am not a worm to crawl upon the ground and give thanks to the foot that crushes me.”
“I’m not a worm crawling on the ground, grateful for the foot that stomps on me.”
“I think that is blasphemous, Bertha,” said Miss Glover.
“I think that's disrespectful, Bertha,” said Miss Glover.
“Oh, I have no patience with you, Fanny,” said Bertha, raising herself, a flush lighting up her face. “Can you realise what I’ve gone through, the terrible pain of it? Oh, it was too awful. Even now when I think of it I almost scream.”
“Oh, I can’t deal with you right now, Fanny,” Bertha said, sitting up, her face flushed. “Can you even understand what I’ve been through, the awful pain of it? Oh, it was too much. Even now when I think about it, I almost scream.”
“What rubbish you talk,” cried Bertha, passionately. “You can say that when you’ve never suffered. People say that suffering ennobles one; it’s a lie, it only makes one brutal.... But I would have borne it—for the sake of my child. It was all useless—utterly useless. Dr. Ramsay told me the child had been dead the whole time. Oh, if God made me suffer like that, it’s infamous. I wonder you’re not ashamed to put it down to God. How can you imagine Him to be so stupid, so cruel! Why, even the vilest beast in the slums wouldn’t cause a woman such frightful and useless agony for the mere pleasure of it.”
“What nonsense you’re talking,” Bertha exclaimed passionately. “You can say that only because you haven't suffered. People say that suffering makes you better; that’s a lie, it just makes you cruel... But I would have endured it—for my child’s sake. It was all pointless—completely pointless. Dr. Ramsay told me the baby had been dead the entire time. Oh, if God let me suffer like that, it’s outrageous. I’m surprised you’re not ashamed to blame it on God. How can you think of Him as so foolish, so heartless? Even the worst animal in the slums wouldn’t inflict such horrible and pointless pain on a woman just for the sake of it.”
Miss Glover sprang to her feet. “Bertha, your illness is no excuse for this. You must either be mad, or utterly depraved and wicked.”
Miss Glover jumped to her feet. “Bertha, your illness is no excuse for this. You must either be crazy or completely immoral and evil.”
“No, I’m more charitable than you,” cried Bertha. “I know there is no God.”
“No, I’m more generous than you,” shouted Bertha. “I know there is no God.”
“Then I, for one, can have nothing more to do with you.” Miss Glover’s cheeks were flaming, and a sudden indignation dispelled her habitual shyness.
“Then I, for one, can’t have anything more to do with you.” Miss Glover’s cheeks were flushed, and a sudden anger pushed aside her usual shyness.
“Fanny, Fanny!” cried her brother, “restrain yourself.”
“Fanny, Fanny!” her brother exclaimed, “calm down.”
“Oh, this isn’t a time to restrain one’s self, Charles. It’s one’s duty to speak out sometimes. No, Bertha, if you’re an atheist, I can have nothing more to do with you.”
“Oh, this isn’t the time to hold back, Charles. Sometimes it’s our duty to speak up. No, Bertha, if you’re an atheist, I can’t have anything more to do with you.”
“She spoke in anger,” said the Vicar. “It is not our duty to judge her.”
“She spoke in anger,” said the Vicar. “It’s not our place to judge her.”
“It’s our duty to protest when the name of God is taken in vain, Charles. If you think Bertha’s position excuses her blasphemies, Charles, then I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself.... But I’m not afraid to speak out. Yes, Bertha, I’ve known for a long time that you were proud and headstrong, but I thought time would change you. I have always had confidence in you, because I thought at the bottom you were good. But if you deny your Maker, Bertha, there can be no hope for you.”
“It’s our duty to stand up when the name of God is misused, Charles. If you think Bertha’s situation justifies her disrespectful words, then I believe you should be ashamed of yourself.... But I’m not afraid to speak up. Yes, Bertha, I’ve known for a long time that you were proud and stubborn, but I thought you would change over time. I always believed in you because I thought you were fundamentally good. But if you reject your Creator, Bertha, there’s no hope for you.”
“Fanny, Fanny,” murmured the Vicar.
“Fanny, Fanny,” whispered the Vicar.
“Let me speak, Charles; I think you’re a bad and wicked woman—and I can no longer feel sorry for you, because everything that you have suffered I think you have thoroughly deserved. Your heart is absolutely hard, and I know nothing so thoroughly wicked as a hard-hearted woman.”
“Let me speak, Charles; I think you’re a bad and wicked woman—and I can no longer feel sorry for you, because everything that you have suffered I think you have thoroughly deserved. Your heart is completely hard, and I know nothing so thoroughly wicked as a hard-hearted woman.”
“My dear Fanny,” said Bertha, smiling, “we’ve both been absurdly melodramatic.”
“My dear Fanny,” Bertha said with a smile, “we’ve both been ridiculously over the top.”
“I refuse to laugh at the subject. I see nothing ridiculous in it. Come, Charles, let us go, and leave her to her own thoughts.”
“I won’t laugh at this. I don’t find anything funny about it. Come on, Charles, let’s go and leave her to her own thoughts.”
But as Miss Glover bounded to the door the handle was turned from the outside and Mrs. Branderton came in. The position was awkward, and her appearance seemed almost providential to the Vicar, who could not fling out of the room like his sister, but also could not make up his mind to shake hands with Bertha, as if nothing had happened. Mrs. Branderton entered, all airs and graces, smirking and ogling, and the gew-gaws on her brand-new bonnet quivered with every movement.
But as Miss Glover rushed to the door, the handle turned from the outside and Mrs. Branderton walked in. The situation was uncomfortable, and her arrival felt almost like a stroke of luck to the Vicar, who couldn't storm out of the room like his sister but also couldn't decide to shake hands with Bertha as if nothing had occurred. Mrs. Branderton came in, all full of herself, smirking and flirting, and the decorations on her brand-new hat shook with every move she made.
“I told the servant I could find my way up alone, Bertha,” she said. “I wanted so much to see you.”
“I told the servant I could make my way up by myself, Bertha,” she said. “I really wanted to see you.”
“Mr. and Miss Glover were just going. How kind of you to come!”
“Mr. and Miss Glover were just leaving. It was really nice of you to come!"
Miss Glover bounced out of the room with a smile at Mrs. Branderton that was almost ghastly; and Mr. Glover, meek, polite, and as antiseptic as ever, shaking hands with Mrs. Branderton, followed his sister.
Miss Glover rushed out of the room with a smile at Mrs. Branderton that was almost unsettling; and Mr. Glover, gentle, polite, and as unflappable as ever, shook hands with Mrs. Branderton and followed his sister.
“What queer people they are!” said Mrs. Branderton, standing at the window to see them come out of the front door. “I really don’t think they’re quite human.... Why, she’s walking on in front—she might wait for him—taking such long steps; and he’s trying to catch her up. I believe they’re having a race. Ha! ha! What ridiculous people! Isn’t it a pity she will wear short skirts—my dear, her feet and ankles are positively awful. I believe they wear one another’s boots indiscriminately.... And how are you, dear? I think you’re looking much better.”
“What strange people they are!” said Mrs. Branderton, standing by the window to watch them come out of the front door. “I really don’t think they’re entirely human... Look at her, walking ahead—she could wait for him—taking such long strides; and he’s trying to catch up. I think they might be racing. Ha! ha! What absurd people! Isn’t it a shame she wears short skirts—my dear, her feet and ankles are absolutely terrible. I think they swap each other’s shoes without a second thought... And how are you, dear? I think you’re looking much better.”
Mrs. Branderton sat in such a position as to have full view of herself in a mirror.
Mrs. Branderton sat in a way that allowed her to see herself clearly in a mirror.
Mrs. Branderton chattered on, thinking that she was doing Bertha good. “A woman doesn’t want one to be solemn when she’s ill. I know when I have anything the matter, I like some one to talk to me about the fashions. I remember in my young days, when I was ill, I used to get old Mr. Crowhurst, the former vicar, to come and read the ladies’ papers to me. He was such a nice old man, not a bit like a clergyman; and he used to say I was his only parishioner whom he really liked visiting.... I’m not tiring you, am I, dear?”
Mrs. Branderton kept chatting, believing she was doing Bertha a favor. “A woman doesn’t want things to be serious when she’s not feeling well. I know when I’m not right, I like someone to talk to me about fashion. I remember when I was younger and ill, I would have old Mr. Crowhurst, the former vicar, come read the ladies' magazines to me. He was such a sweet old man, nothing like a typical clergyman; and he would say I was his only parishioner that he really enjoyed visiting... I’m not boring you, am I, dear?”
“Oh, dear, no!” said Bertha.
“Oh no!” said Bertha.
“Now I suppose the Glovers have been talking all sorts of stuff to you. Of course one has to put up with it, I suppose, because it sets a good example to the lower orders; but I must say I do think the clergy nowadays sometimes forget their place. I consider it most objectionable when they insist on talking religion with you, as if you were a common person.... But they’re not nearly so nice as they used to be. In my young days the clergy were always gentlemen’s sons—but then they weren’t expected to trouble about the poor. I can quite understand that now a gentleman shouldn’t like to become a clergyman; he has to mix with the lower classes, and they’re growing more familiar every day.”
“Now I guess the Glovers have been saying all kinds of things to you. Of course, you have to put up with it because it sets a good example for the lower classes; but I have to say I think the clergy today sometimes forget their place. I find it really bothersome when they insist on discussing religion with you, as if you were just an ordinary person.... But they’re not nearly as nice as they used to be. Back in my younger days, the clergy were always gentlemen’s sons—but then they weren’t expected to worry about the poor. I can totally understand why a gentleman wouldn’t want to become a clergyman now; he has to interact with the lower classes, and they’re getting more familiar every day.”
But suddenly Bertha, without warning, burst into tears. Mrs. Branderton was flabbergasted!
But suddenly, Bertha burst into tears without any warning. Mrs. Branderton was shocked!
“My dear, what is the matter? Where are your salts? Shall I ring the bell?”
“My dear, what’s wrong? Where are your salts? Should I ring the bell?”
Bertha, sobbing violently, begged Mrs. Branderton to take no notice of her. That fashionable creature had a sentimental heart, and would have been delighted to weep with Bertha; but she had several calls to make, and could not risk a disarrangement of her person. She was also curious, and would have given much to find out the cause of Bertha’s outburst. She comforted herself, however, by giving the Hancocks, whose At Home day it was, a detailed account of the affair; and they, shortly afterwards, recounted it with sundry embellishments to Mrs. Mayston Ryle.
Bertha, crying hard, asked Mrs. Branderton to ignore her. That stylish woman had a sentimental side and would have loved to cry along with Bertha; but she had other places to go and couldn't risk messing up her appearance. She was also curious and would have paid a lot to learn the reason for Bertha's outburst. Still, she consoled herself by giving the Hancocks, whose At Home day it was, a detailed rundown of the incident; and they, soon after, shared it with some extra details to Mrs. Mayston Ryle.
Mrs. Mayston Ryle, magnificently imposing as ever, snorted like a charger eager for battle.
Mrs. Mayston Ryle, as commanding as ever, snorted like a horse ready for battle.
“Mrs. Branderton sends me to sleep frequently,” she said; “But I can quite understand that if the poor thing isn’t well, Mrs. Branderton would make her cry. I never see her myself unless I’m in the most robust health, otherwise I know she’d simply make me howl.”
“Mrs. Branderton sends me to sleep a lot,” she said; “But I totally get that if the poor thing isn’t feeling well, Mrs. Branderton would make her cry. I never see her unless I’m in perfect health, otherwise I know she’d just make me break down.”
“But I wonder what was the matter with poor Mrs. Craddock,” said Miss Hancock.
“But I wonder what was wrong with poor Mrs. Craddock,” said Miss Hancock.
“I don’t know,” answered Mrs. Mayston Ryle in her majestic manner. “But I’ll find out. I dare say she only wants a little good society. I shall go and see her.”
“I don’t know,” replied Mrs. Mayston Ryle in her grand way. “But I’ll find out. I bet she just needs some good company. I will go and visit her.”
Chapter XIX
BUT the apathy with which for weeks Bertha had looked upon all terrestrial concerns was passing away before her increasing strength. It had been due only to an utter physical weakness, of the same order as that merciful indifference to all earthly sympathies which gives ease to the final passage into the Unknown. The prospect of death would be unendurable if one did not know that the enfeebled body brought a like enfeeblement of spirit, dissolving the ties of this world: when the traveller must leave the hostel with the double gate, the wine he loved has lost its savour and the bread turned bitter in his mouth. Like useless gauds, Bertha had let fall the interests of life; her soul lay a-dying. Her soul was a lighted candle in a lantern, flickering in the wind so that its flame was hardly seen and the lantern was useless; but presently the wind of death was stilled, and the light shone out and filled the darkness.
BUT the indifference with which Bertha had viewed everything for weeks was fading as her strength increased. It had been caused by a deep physical weakness, similar to that comforting detachment from earthly concerns that eases the transition into the Unknown. The thought of dying would be unbearable without the understanding that a weakened body also dulls the spirit, loosening the bonds of this world: when the traveler must depart from the inn with the double doors, the wine he once enjoyed has lost its flavor, and the bread has turned bitter in his mouth. Like worthless trinkets, Bertha had cast aside life's interests; her spirit was fading. Her soul was a candle lit inside a lantern, flickering in the wind, barely visible, rendering the lantern pointless; but soon the wind of death calmed, and the light burst forth, illuminating the darkness.
With increasing strength the old passion returned; love came back like a conqueror, and Bertha knew that she had not done with life. In her loneliness she yearned for Edward’s affection; for now he was all she had, and she stretched out her arms to him with a great desire. She blamed herself bitterly for her coldness, she wept at the idea of what he must have suffered. And she was ashamed that the love which she had thought eternal, should have been for a while destroyed. But a change had come over her. She did not now love her husband with the old blind passion, but with a new feeling added to it; for to him was transferred the tenderness which she had lavished on her dead child, and all the mother’s spirit which must now, to her life’s end, go unsatisfied. Her heart was like a house with empty chambers, and the fires of love raged through them triumphantly.
With renewed intensity, the old passion returned; love reemerged like a victor, and Bertha realized she wasn’t done with life. In her solitude, she craved Edward’s affection; he was all she had, and she reached out to him with deep longing. She harshly blamed herself for her past coldness and cried at the thought of what he must have endured. She felt ashamed that the love she believed to be everlasting had been temporarily extinguished. But she had changed. She no longer loved her husband with the same blind passion, but with a new emotion added to it; the tenderness she once poured into her deceased child now belonged to him, and the maternal spirit that would remain unfulfilled for the rest of her life. Her heart felt like a house with empty rooms, while the flames of love blazed through them victoriously.
Bertha thought a little painfully of Miss Glover, but dismissed her with a shrug of the shoulders. The good creature had kept her resolve never again to come near Court Leys, and for days nothing had been heard of her.
Bertha thought a bit sadly about Miss Glover but brushed it off with a shrug. The kind woman had stuck to her decision to never return to Court Leys, and for days, there had been no news of her.
“What does it matter?” cried Bertha. “So long as Eddie loves me, the rest of the world is nothing.”
“What does it matter?” Bertha exclaimed. “As long as Eddie loves me, nothing else in the world matters.”
But her room gained now the aspect of a prison, so that she felt it impossible much longer to endure its dreadful monotony. Her bed was a bed of torture, and she fancied that so long as she remained stretched upon it, health would not return. She begged Dr. Ramsay to allow her to get up, but was always met with the same refusal, backed up by her husband’s common sense. All she obtained was the dismissal of the nurse to whom she had taken a sudden and violent dislike. From no reasonable cause, Bertha found the mere presence of the poor woman unendurable, and her officious loquacity irritated her beyond measure. If she must remain in bed, Bertha preferred absolute solitude; the turn of her mind was becoming almost misanthropic.
But her room now felt like a prison, and she found it impossible to endure its dreadful monotony any longer. Her bed felt like torture, and she believed that as long as she stayed stretched out on it, her health wouldn’t improve. She asked Dr. Ramsay to let her get up, but he always refused, supported by her husband’s common sense. The only thing she got was the nurse's dismissal, whom she had suddenly and violently come to dislike. Without any clear reason, Bertha found the mere presence of the poor woman unbearable, and her constant chatter irritated her to no end. If she had to stay in bed, Bertha preferred complete solitude; her mindset was becoming almost misanthropic.
The hours passed endlessly. From her pillow Bertha could see only the sky, now a metallic blue with dazzling clouds swaying heavily across, now gray, darkening the room. The furniture and the wall-paper forced themselves distastefully on her mind. Every detail was impressed on her consciousness as indelibly as the potter’s mark on the clay.
The hours dragged on forever. From her pillow, Bertha could see only the sky, now a metal blue with bright clouds moving heavily across, now gray, darkening the room. The furniture and the wallpaper stuck in her mind uncomfortably. Every detail was etched in her consciousness as permanently as a potter’s mark on clay.
Finally she made up her mind to get up, come what might. It was the Sunday after the quarrel with Miss Glover; Edward would be indoors and doubtless intended to spend most of the afternoon in her room, but she knew he disliked sitting there; the closeness, the odours of medicine, made his head ache. Her appearance in the drawing-room would be a delightful surprise. She would not tell him that she was getting up, but go downstairs and take him unawares. She got out of bed, but as she put her feet to the ground, had to cling to a chair; her legs were so weak that they hardly supported her, and her head reeled. But in a little while she gathered strength and slowly dressed herself, slowly and very difficultly; her weakness was almost pain. She had to sit down, and her hair was so wearisome to do that she was afraid she must give up the attempt and return to bed. But the thought of Edward’s surprise upheld her—he had said how pleased he would be to have her downstairs with him. At last she was ready and went to the door, supporting herself on every object at hand. But what joy it was to be up again, to feel herself once more among the living—away from the grave of her bed!
Finally, she decided to get up, no matter what. It was the Sunday after the argument with Miss Glover; Edward would be inside and likely planned to spend most of the afternoon in her room, but she knew he hated sitting there; the closeness and the smell of medicine gave him a headache. Her walking into the drawing-room would be a delightful surprise. She wouldn't tell him she was getting up, but would go downstairs and catch him off guard. She got out of bed, but as soon as her feet hit the ground, she had to grab onto a chair; her legs were so weak they barely held her up, and her head was spinning. But after a little while, she found some strength and slowly got dressed, which was slow and very difficult; her weakness was almost painful. She had to sit down, and doing her hair was so exhausting that she feared she might have to give up and go back to bed. But the thought of surprising Edward kept her going—he had said how happy he would be to have her downstairs with him. Finally, she was ready and went to the door, using every object nearby for support. But what joy it was to be up again, to feel herself among the living—away from the confines of her bed!
She came to the top of the stairs and went down, leaning heavily on the banisters; she went one step at a time, as little children do, and laughed at herself. But the laugh changed almost into a groan, as in exhaustion she sank down and felt it impossible to go farther. Then the thought of Edward urged her on. She struggled to her feet, and persevered till she reached the bottom. Now she was outside the drawing-room, she heard Edward whistling within. She crept along, eager to make no sound; noiselessly she turned the handle and flung the door open.
She reached the top of the stairs and slowly went down, heavily leaning on the railing; she took each step like little kids do and laughed at herself. But her laughter quickly turned into a groan as exhaustion hit her and she sank down, feeling like she couldn’t go any further. Then the thought of Edward pushed her to keep going. She struggled to her feet and kept going until she made it to the bottom. Now, standing outside the drawing-room, she heard Edward whistling inside. She crept along, trying to be as quiet as possible; silently, she turned the handle and swung the door open.
“Eddie!”
“Eddie!”
He turned round with a cry. “Hulloa, what are you doing here?”
He turned around with a shout. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
He came towards her, but showed not the great joy which she had expected.
He walked over to her, but didn’t show the excitement she had anticipated.
“I wanted to surprise you. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
“I wanted to surprise you. Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Yes, of course I am. But you oughtn’t to have come without Dr. Ramsay’s leave. And I didn’t expect you to-day.”
“Yes, of course I am. But you shouldn’t have come without Dr. Ramsay’s permission. And I didn’t expect you today.”
He led her to the sofa, and she lay down.
He guided her to the couch, and she sprawled out.
“I thought you’d be so pleased.”
"I thought you would be so happy."
“Of course I am!”
"Absolutely I am!"
He placed pillows under her, and covered her with a rug—little attentions which were exquisitely touching.
He put pillows under her and covered her with a blanket—small gestures that were incredibly moving.
“You oughtn’t to have risked it. It may throw you back,” he replied, gently. He looked at his watch. “You must only stay half-an-hour, and then I shall carry you up to bed.”
“You shouldn’t have risked it. It could set you back,” he said softly. He checked his watch. “You can only stay for half an hour, and then I’ll take you up to bed.”
Bertha gave a laugh, intending to permit nothing of the sort. It was so comfortable to lie on the sofa, with Edward by her side. She held his hands.
Bertha laughed, planning to allow nothing of the kind. It felt so nice to lie on the couch with Edward next to her. She held his hands.
“I simply couldn’t stay in the room any longer. It was so gloomy, with the rain pattering all day on the windows.”
“I just couldn’t stay in the room any longer. It was so dreary, with the rain tapping against the windows all day.”
It was one of those days of late summer when the rain seems never ceasing, and the air is filled with the melancholy of nature, already conscious of the near decay.
It was one of those late summer days when the rain just wouldn't stop, and the air was heavy with the sadness of nature, already aware of the impending decline.
“I was meaning to come up to you as soon as I’d finished my pipe.”
“I was planning to come up to you as soon as I finished my pipe.”
Bertha was exhausted, and, keeping silence, pressed Edward’s hand in acknowledgment of his kind intention. Presently he looked at his watch again.
Bertha was exhausted, and without saying a word, she squeezed Edward’s hand to show she appreciated his kind gesture. Soon, he checked his watch again.
“Your half-hour’s nearly up. In five minutes I’m going to carry you to your room.”
“Your half-hour is almost over. In five minutes, I’m going to take you to your room.”
“Oh no, you’re not,” she replied playfully, taking his remark as humorous. “I’m going to stay till dinner.”
“Oh no, you’re not,” she said playfully, taking his comment as a joke. “I’m going to stay until dinner.”
“No, you can’t possibly. It will be very bad for you.... To please me go back to bed now.”
“No, you can’t do that. It will be really bad for you.... To make me happy, go back to bed now.”
“Well, we’ll split the difference and I’ll go after tea.”
“Well, let’s meet in the middle and I’ll come after tea.”
“No, you must go now.”
"No, you have to go now."
“Why, one would think you wanted to get rid of me!”
“Why, it seems like you want to get rid of me!”
“I have to go out,” said Edward.
“I need to head out,” Edward said.
“Oh no, you haven’t—you’re merely saying that to induce me to go upstairs. You fibber!”
“Oh no, you haven’t—you’re just saying that to get me to go upstairs. You liar!”
“Let me carry you up now, there’s a good girl.”
“Let me lift you up now, you’re a good girl.”
“I won’t, I won’t, I won’t.”
“I won't, I won't, I won't.”
“I shall have to leave you alone, Bertha. I didn’t know you meant to get up to-day, and I have an engagement.”
“I have to leave you alone, Bertha. I didn't realize you planned to get up today, and I have an appointment.”
“Oh, but you can’t leave me the first time I get up. What is it? You can write a note and break it.”
“Oh, but you can’t leave me the first time I get up. What is it? You can write a note and break up with me.”
“You’re joking,” said Bertha; her eyes had suddenly become hard, and she was breathing fast.
“Are you serious?” said Bertha; her eyes had suddenly turned cold, and she was breathing quickly.
Edward looked at her uneasily. “I didn’t know you were going to get up, or I shouldn’t have arranged to go out.”
Edward looked at her nervously. “I didn't know you were planning to get up, or I wouldn't have made plans to go out.”
“Oh well, it doesn’t matter,” said Bertha, throwing off the momentary anger. “You can just write and say you can’t come.”
“Oh well, it doesn’t matter,” Bertha said, shaking off her brief anger. “You can just write and say you can’t make it.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he answered, gravely. “I’ve given my word and I can’t break it.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” he replied seriously. “I’ve made a promise and I can’t go back on it.”
“Oh, but it’s infamous.” Her wrath blazed out again. “Even you can’t be so cruel as to leave me at such a time. I deserve some consideration—after all I’ve suffered. For weeks I lay at death’s door, and at last when I’m a little better and come down—thinking to give you pleasure, you’re engaged to drive the Misses Hancock into Tercanbury.”
“Oh, but it's notorious.” Her anger flared up once more. “Even you can’t be so heartless as to leave me at a time like this. I deserve some kindness—after everything I’ve been through. For weeks I was on the brink of death, and finally, when I’m feeling a bit better and decide to come downstairs—thinking I could make you happy—you’re busy taking the Misses Hancock to Tercanbury.”
“Come, Bertha, be reasonable.” Edward condescended to expostulate with his wife, though it was not his habit to humour her extravagances. “You see it’s not my fault. Isn’t it enough for you that I’m very sorry? I shall be back in an hour. Stay here, and then we’ll spend the evening together.”
“Come on, Bertha, just be reasonable.” Edward said, trying to reason with his wife, even though he usually didn't indulge her whims. “It’s not my fault. Isn’t it enough that I’m really sorry? I’ll be back in an hour. Just stay here, and then we can spend the evening together.”
“Why did you lie to me?”
“Why did you lie to me?”
“I haven’t lied: I’m not given to that,” said Edward, with natural satisfaction.
“I haven’t lied: I’m not like that,” said Edward, with genuine satisfaction.
“You pretended it was for my health’s sake that I must go upstairs. Isn’t that a lie?”
“You acted like it was for my health that I should go upstairs. Isn’t that a lie?”
“It was for your health’s sake.”
“It was for your health.”
“You lie again. You wanted to get me out of the way, so that you might go to the Miss Hancocks without telling me.”
“You're lying again. You wanted to remove me from the picture so you could visit Miss Hancocks without letting me know.”
“You ought to know me better than that by now.”
"You should know me better than that by now."
Edward shrugged his shoulders good-humouredly. “Because I know how touchy you are.”
Edward shrugged his shoulders with a grin. “Because I know how sensitive you are.”
“And yet you made them the offer.”
“And yet you made them the offer.”
“It came out almost unawares. They were grumbling about the weather, and without thinking, I said, ‘I’ll drive you over if you like.’ And they jumped at it.”
“It came out almost without me realizing. They were complaining about the weather, and without thinking, I said, ‘I can give you a ride if you want.’ And they were all for it.”
“You’re so good-natured if any one but your wife is concerned.”
“You're so easygoing if anyone but your wife is involved.”
“Well, dear, I can’t stay arguing. I shall be late already.”
“Well, dear, I can’t keep arguing. I’m already going to be late.”
“You’re not really going?” It had been impossible for Bertha to realise that Edward would carry out his intention.
“You’re not really going?” Bertha found it hard to believe that Edward would actually go through with his plan.
“I must, my dear; it’s my duty.”
“I have to, my dear; it’s my responsibility.”
“You have more duty to me than to any one else.... Oh, Eddie, don’t go. You can’t realise all it means to me.”
“You owe me more than anyone else... Oh, Eddie, please don’t leave. You have no idea what this means to me.”
“I must. I’m not going because I want to. I shall be back in an hour.”
“I have to. I’m not going because I want to. I’ll be back in an hour.”
He bent down to kiss her, and she flung her arms round his neck, bursting into tears.
He leaned down to kiss her, and she threw her arms around his neck, breaking into tears.
“Oh, please don’t go—if you love me at all, if you’ve ever loved me.... Don’t you see that you’re destroying my love for you?”
“Oh, please don’t leave—if you love me at all, if you’ve ever loved me.... Don’t you see that you’re killing my love for you?”
“Now, don’t be silly, there’s a good girl.”
“Now, don’t be silly, there’s a good girl.”
He loosened her arms and walked away; but rising from the sofa she followed him and took his arm, beseeching him to stay.
He let go of her arms and walked away, but she got up from the sofa, followed him, and grabbed his arm, begging him to stay.
“You see how unhappy I am; and you are all I have in the world now. For God’s sake, stay, Eddie. It means more to me than you know.”
“You can see how unhappy I am; and you are all I have in the world now. Please, stay, Eddie. It means more to me than you realize.”
She sank to the floor; she was kneeling before him.
She sank to the floor; she was kneeling in front of him.
“Come, get on to the sofa. All this is very bad for you.”
“Come, sit on the sofa. This is really not good for you.”
He carried her to the couch, and then, to finish the scene, hurriedly left the room.
He lifted her onto the couch and then, to wrap things up, quickly left the room.
Bertha sprang up to follow him, but sank back as the door slammed, and burying her face in her hands, surrendered herself to a passion of tears. But humiliation and rage almost drove away her grief. She had knelt before her husband for a favour, and he had not granted it. Suddenly she abhorred him. The love, which had been a tower of brass, fell like a house of cards. She would not try now to conceal from herself the faults that stared her in the face. He cared only for himself: with him it was only self, self, self. Bertha found a bitter fascination in stripping her idol of the finery with which her madness had bedizened him; she saw him more accurately now, and he was utterly selfish. But most unbearable of all was her own extreme humiliation.
Bertha jumped up to follow him but sank back as the door slammed. Burying her face in her hands, she gave in to a flood of tears. But humiliation and anger almost pushed her grief aside. She had knelt before her husband asking for a favor, and he hadn’t granted it. Suddenly, she loathed him. The love that had felt so strong crumbled like a house of cards. She wasn’t going to pretend anymore about the flaws that were glaringly obvious. He only cared about himself; it was all about him, him, him. Bertha found a bitter fascination in stripping away the illusion she had created around him; she saw him clearly now, and he was completely selfish. But what was hardest to bear was her own deep humiliation.
The rain poured down, unceasing, and the despair of nature ate into her soul. At last she was exhausted; and losing thought of time, lay half-unconscious, feeling at least no pain, her brain vacant and weary. When a servant came to ask if Miss Glover might see her, she hardly understood.
The rain fell continuously, and the sadness of nature seeped into her soul. Finally, she felt drained; losing track of time, she lay there half-conscious, at least feeling no pain, her mind blank and tired. When a servant came to ask if Miss Glover could see her, she barely understood.
“Miss Glover doesn’t usually stand on such ceremony,” she said ill-temperedly, forgetting the incident of the previous week. “Ask her to come in.”
“Miss Glover usually doesn’t care for all this formality,” she said irritably, forgetting the incident from last week. “Tell her to come in.”
The parson’s sister came to the door and hesitated, growing red; the expression in her eyes was pained, and even frightened.
The pastor’s sister came to the door and hesitated, blushing; the look in her eyes was pained, and even scared.
“May I come in, Bertha?”
“Can I come in, Bertha?”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
She walked straight to the sofa, and fell on her knees.
She walked straight to the couch and fell to her knees.
“Oh, Bertha, please forgive me. I was wrong, and I’ve behaved wickedly to you.”
“Oh, Bertha, please forgive me. I was wrong, and I’ve treated you poorly.”
“My dear Fanny,” murmured Bertha, a smile breaking through her misery.
“My dear Fanny,” Bertha whispered, a smile breaking through her sadness.
“I withdraw every word I said to you, Bertha; I can’t understand how I said it. I humbly beg your forgiveness.”
“I take back everything I said to you, Bertha; I can’t believe I actually said it. I sincerely ask for your forgiveness.”
“There is nothing to forgive.”
"Nothing to forgive."
“Oh, yes, there is. Good heavens, I know! My conscience has been reproaching me ever since I was here, but I hardened my heart, and would not listen.”
“Oh, yes, there is. Good heavens, I know! My conscience has been bothering me ever since I got here, but I shut my heart off and wouldn’t listen.”
Poor Miss Glover could not really have hardened her heart, however much she tried.
Poor Miss Glover really couldn't harden her heart, no matter how much she tried.
“I knew I ought to come to you and beg your forgiveness, but I wouldn’t. I’ve not slept a wink at night. I was afraid of dying, and if I’d been cut off in the midst of my wickedness, I should have been lost.”
“I knew I should come to you and ask for your forgiveness, but I didn’t. I haven’t slept a wink at night. I was afraid of dying, and if I had been caught in the middle of my wrongdoing, I would have been lost.”
She spoke very quickly, finding it evidently a relief to express her trouble.
She spoke very fast, clearly relieved to share what was troubling her.
“I thought Charles would upbraid me, but he’s never said a word. Oh, I wish he had, it would have been easier to bear than his sorrowful look. I know he’s been worrying dreadfully, and I’m so sorry for him. I kept on saying I’d only done my duty, but in my heart I knew I had done wrong. Oh Bertha, and this morning I dared not take communion, I thought God would strike me for blasphemy. And I was afraid Charles would refuse me in front of the whole congregation.... It’s the first Sunday since I was confirmed, that I’ve missed taking Holy Communion.”
“I thought Charles would scold me, but he hasn’t said anything. Oh, I wish he had; it would have been easier to deal with than his sad expression. I know he’s been really worried, and I feel so bad for him. I kept insisting I had only done my duty, but deep down, I knew I was wrong. Oh Bertha, and this morning I couldn’t bring myself to take communion; I thought God would punish me for blasphemy. I was also scared Charles would deny me in front of the whole congregation.... It’s the first Sunday since I was confirmed that I’ve missed taking Holy Communion.”
She buried her face in her hands, crying. Bertha heard her, almost listlessly; for her own trouble was overwhelming and she could not think of any other. Miss Glover raised her face, tear-stained and red; it was positively hideous, but notwithstanding, very pathetic.
She buried her face in her hands, crying. Bertha heard her, almost without any energy; her own troubles were too much to handle, and she couldn’t think of anything else. Miss Glover lifted her face, tear-stained and red; it looked pretty ugly, but still very sad.
“Then I couldn’t bear it any longer,” she said. “I thought if I begged your pardon I might be able to forgive myself. Oh, Bertha, please forget what I said, and forgive me. And I fancied that Edward would be here to-day, and the thought of exposing myself before him too was almost more than I could bear. But I knew the humiliation would be good for me. Oh, I was so thankful when Jane said he was out.... What can I do to earn your forgiveness?”
“Then I couldn’t take it anymore,” she said. “I thought if I apologized, I might be able to forgive myself. Oh, Bertha, please forget what I said and forgive me. I imagined that Edward would be here today, and the thought of having to face him was almost more than I could handle. But I knew that the embarrassment would be good for me. Oh, I was so relieved when Jane said he was out... What can I do to earn your forgiveness?”
In her heart of hearts, Miss Glover desired some horrible penance which would thoroughly mortify her flesh.
In her deepest feelings, Miss Glover wanted some intense punishment that would completely humiliate her body.
“I have already forgotten all about it,” said Bertha, smiling wearily. “If my forgiveness is worth anything, I forgive you entirely.”
“I’ve already forgotten all about it,” Bertha said with a tired smile. “If my forgiveness means anything, I completely forgive you.”
Miss Glover was a little pained at Bertha’s manifest indifference, yet took it as a just punishment.
Miss Glover felt a bit hurt by Bertha’s obvious indifference, but considered it a fair punishment.
“And Bertha, let me say that I love you and admire you more than any one after Charles. If you really think what you said the other day, I still love you and hope God will turn your heart. Charles and I will pray for you night and day, and soon I hope the Almighty will send you another child to take the place of the one you lost. Believe me, God is very good and merciful, and He will grant you what you wish.”
“And Bertha, I want you to know that I love and admire you more than anyone else after Charles. If you truly mean what you said the other day, I still love you and hope that God will change your heart. Charles and I will pray for you day and night, and I hope the Almighty will soon bless you with another child to fill the space left by the one you lost. Believe me, God is very good and merciful, and He will grant you what you desire.”
Bertha gave a low cry of pain. “I can never have another child.... Dr. Ramsay told me it was impossible.”
Bertha let out a soft cry of pain. “I can never have another child.... Dr. Ramsay told me it was impossible.”
“Oh, Bertha, I didn’t know.”
“Oh, Bertha, I had no idea.”
Miss Glover took Bertha protectingly in her arms, crying, and kissed her like a little child.
Miss Glover wrapped her arms around Bertha protectively, crying, and kissed her like she was a little kid.
But Bertha dried her eyes.
But Bertha wiped her tears.
“Leave me now, Fanny, please. I’d rather be alone. But come and see me soon, and forgive me if I’m horrid. I’m very unhappy and I shall never be happy again.”
“Please leave me now, Fanny. I’d prefer to be alone. But come visit me soon and forgive me if I’m unpleasant. I’m really unhappy and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again.”
A few minutes later, Edward returned—cheery, jovial, red-faced, and in the best of humours.
A few minutes later, Edward came back—cheerful, friendly, flushed, and in a great mood.
“Here we are again!” he shouted, like a clown in a harlequinade. “You see I’ve not been gone long and you haven’t missed me a rap. Now, we’ll have tea.”
“Here we are again!” he shouted, like a clown in a comedy show. “You see I haven’t been gone long, and you didn’t miss me at all. Now, let’s have some tea.”
He kissed her and put her cushions right.
He kissed her and adjusted her cushions.
Chapter XX
BUT the love which had taken such despotic possession of Bertha’s nature could not be overthrown by any sudden means. When she recovered her health and was able to resume her habits, it blazed out again like a fire, momentarily subdued, which has gained new strength in its coercion. It dismayed her to think of her extreme loneliness; Edward was now her only mainstay and her only hope. She no longer sought to deny that his love was unlike hers; but his coldness was not always apparent; vehemently wishing to find a response to her ardour, she closed her eyes to all that did not too readily obtrude itself. She had such a consuming desire to find in Edward the lover of her dreams, that for certain periods she was indeed able to live in a fool’s paradise, which was none the less grateful because at the bottom of her heart she had an aching suspicion of its true character.
BUT the love that had completely taken over Bertha’s life couldn’t be easily shaken. Once she regained her health and got back to her routine, it flared up again like a fire, temporarily dimmed but now stronger than before. The thought of her intense loneliness troubled her; Edward was now her only support and her only hope. She no longer tried to convince herself that his love was the same as hers; however, his indifference wasn’t always obvious. Desperately wanting to find a connection to her passion, she ignored everything that didn’t make itself obvious. Her overwhelming desire to see Edward as the man of her dreams allowed her, at times, to live in a fantasy world, which she still appreciated even though deep down, she suspected the truth about it.
But it seemed that the more passionately Bertha yearned for her husband’s love, the more frequent became their differences. As time went on the calm between the storms was shorter, and every quarrel left its mark, and made Bertha more susceptible to affront. Realizing, finally, that Edward could not answer her demonstrations of affection, she became ten times more exacting; even the little tendernesses which at the beginning of her married life would have overjoyed her, now too much resembled alms thrown to an importunate beggar, to be received with anything but irritation. Their altercations proved conclusively that it does not require two persons to make a quarrel. Edward was a model of good-temper, and his equanimity was imperturbable. However cross Bertha was, Edward never lost his serenity. He imagined that she was troubling over the loss of her child, and that her health was not entirely restored: it had been his experience, especially with cows, that a difficult confinement frequently gave rise to some temporary change in disposition, so that the most docile animal in the world would suddenly develop an unexpected viciousness. He never tried to understand Bertha’s varied moods; her passionate desire for love was to him as unreasonable as her outbursts of temper and the succeeding contrition. Now, Edward was always the same—contented equally with the universe at large and with himself; there was no shadow of a doubt about the fact that the world he lived in, the particular spot and period, were the very best possible; and that no existence could be more satisfactory than happily to cultivate one’s garden. Not being analytic, he forbore to think about the matter; and if he had, would not have borrowed the phrases of M. de Voltaire, whom he had never heard of, and would have utterly abhorred as a Frenchman, a philosopher, and a wit. But the fact that Edward ate, drank, slept, and ate again, as regularly as the oxen on his farm, sufficiently proved that he enjoyed a happiness equal to theirs—and what more can a decent man want?
But it seemed that the more passionately Bertha wanted her husband’s love, the more often they argued. As time went on, the calm between their fights got shorter, and every argument left its mark, making Bertha more sensitive to offense. Realizing, finally, that Edward couldn’t respond to her displays of affection, she became ten times more demanding; even the little kindnesses that had once made her ecstatic at the beginning of their marriage now felt too much like charity thrown to an annoying beggar, making her feel nothing but irritation. Their fights made it clear that it doesn’t take two people to create a conflict. Edward was a model of patience, and his calmness was unshakeable. No matter how angry Bertha got, Edward never lost his cool. He thought she was upset about losing their child and that her health hadn’t fully recovered: he had noticed before, especially with cows, that a tough delivery often led to some temporary change in behavior, so even the gentlest animal could suddenly become unexpectedly aggressive. He never tried to understand Bertha’s changing moods; her intense need for love seemed as unreasonable to him as her angry outbursts and the guilt that followed. Edward, on the other hand, was always the same—content with the world in general and with himself; he had no doubt that the world he lived in, at that particular time and place, was the very best it could be, and that there was no life more satisfying than peacefully tending to one’s garden. Not being introspective, he didn’t think about it; and even if he had, he wouldn't have used the phrases of M. de Voltaire, whom he had never heard of and would have completely disliked as a Frenchman, a philosopher, and a wit. But the fact that Edward ate, drank, slept, and ate again, as regularly as the oxen on his farm, clearly showed that he enjoyed a happiness equal to theirs—and what more could a decent man want?
Edward had moreover that magnificent faculty of always doing right and of knowing it, which is said to be the most inestimable gift of the true Christian; but if his infallibility pleased himself and edified his neighbours, it did not fail to cause his wife the utmost annoyance. She would clench her hands and from her eyes shoot arrows of fire, when he stood in front of her, smilingly conscious of the justice of his own standpoint and the unreason of hers. And the worst of it was that in her saner moments Bertha had to confess that Edward’s view was invariably right and she completely in the wrong. Her injustice appalled her, and she took upon her own shoulders the blame of all their unhappiness. Always, after a quarrel from which Edward had come with his usual triumph, Bertha’s rage would be succeeded by a passion of remorse; and she could not find sufficient reproaches with which to castigate herself. She asked frantically how her husband could be expected to love her; and in a transport of agony and fear would take the first opportunity of throwing her arms around his neck and making the most abject apology. Then, having eaten the dust before him, having wept and humiliated herself, she would be for a week absurdly happy, under the impression that henceforward nothing short of an earthquake could disturb their blissful equilibrium. Edward was again the golden idol, clothed in the diaphanous garments of true love, his word was law and his deeds were perfect; Bertha was an humble worshipper, offering incense and devoutly grateful to the deity that forbore to crush her. It required very little for her to forget the slights and the coldness of her husband’s affection: her love was like the tide covering a barren rock; the sea breaks into waves and is dispersed in foam, while the rock remains ever unchanged. This simile, by the way, would not have displeased Edward; when he thought at all, he liked to think how firm and steadfast he was.
Edward also had that incredible ability to always do the right thing and know it, which is said to be the most priceless gift of a true Christian; but while his infallibility satisfied him and inspired his neighbors, it drove his wife to frustration. She would clench her fists and shoot fiery glares at him whenever he stood in front of her, confidently aware of the correctness of his viewpoint and the irrationality of hers. The worst part was that in her clearer moments, Bertha had to admit that Edward's perspective was always right and she was completely wrong. Her sense of injustice shocked her, and she took it upon herself to shoulder the blame for all their unhappiness. After every argument from which Edward emerged victorious, Bertha's anger would give way to a wave of remorse, and she found herself unable to come up with enough criticism to punish herself. She would desperately wonder how her husband could possibly love her; and in a fit of agony and fear, she would take the first chance she got to throw her arms around his neck and offer the most humbling apology. After having humbled herself before him, weeping and begging for forgiveness, she would feel ridiculously happy for a week, believing that nothing short of an earthquake could disrupt their blissful peace. Edward was once again the golden idol, dressed in the sheer garments of true love, his word was law and his actions flawless; Bertha was a humble worshipper, offering incense and deeply grateful to the deity that chose not to crush her. It took very little for her to forget the slights and the coolness of her husband's affection: her love was like the tide covering a barren rock; the sea breaks into waves and is scattered into foam, while the rock remains unchanged. This comparison, by the way, would have pleased Edward; when he thought about it at all, he liked to believe how firm and steadfast he was.
At night, before going to sleep, it was Bertha’s greatest pleasure to kiss her husband on the lips, and it mortified her to see how mechanically he replied to this embrace. It was always she who had to make the advance, and when, to try him, she omitted to do so, he promptly went off to sleep without even bidding her good-night. Then she told herself that he must utterly despise her.
At night, before going to sleep, Bertha’s biggest joy was kissing her husband on the lips, and it embarrassed her to see how robotically he reacted to this kiss. She always had to make the first move, and when she decided to skip it to test him, he immediately fell asleep without even saying goodnight. Then she convinced herself that he must completely hate her.
“Oh, it drives me mad to think of the devotion I waste on you,” she cried. “I’m a fool! You are all in the world to me, and I, to you, am a sort of accident: you might have married any one but me. If I hadn’t come across your path you would infallibly have married somebody else.”
“Oh, it drives me crazy to think about all the love I waste on you,” she exclaimed. “I’m such an idiot! You mean everything to me, and I’m just a kind of afterthought to you: you could have married anyone but me. If I hadn’t crossed your path, you definitely would have ended up with someone else.”
“Well, so would you,” he answered, laughing.
"Well, so would you," he said, laughing.
“I? Never! If I had not met you I should have married no one. My love isn’t a bauble that I am willing to give to whomever chance throws in my way. My heart is one and indivisible; it would be impossible for me to love any one but you.... When I think that to you I’m nothing more than any other woman might be, I’m ashamed.”
“I? Never! If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have married anyone. My love isn’t something trivial that I’m willing to give to whoever comes my way. My heart is whole and cannot be divided; it would be impossible for me to love anyone but you.... When I think that to you I’m just like any other woman, I feel ashamed.”
“Ah, that summarises your whole opinion. To you I’m merely a fool of a woman. I’m a domestic animal, a little more companionable than a dog, but on the whole, not so useful as a cow.”
“Ah, that sums up your entire viewpoint. To you, I’m just a foolish woman. I’m like a pet, a bit more friendly than a dog, but overall, not as useful as a cow.”
“I don’t know what you want me to do more than I actually do. You can’t expect me to be kissing and cuddling all the time. The honeymoon is meant for that, and a man who goes on honeymooning all his life, is an ass.”
“I don’t know what more you want from me. You can’t expect me to be kissing and cuddling all the time. That’s what the honeymoon is for, and a guy who wants to keep honeymooning forever is just foolish.”
“Ah yes, with you love is kept out of sight all day, while you are occupied with the serious affairs of life, such as shearing sheep or hunting foxes; and after dinner it arises in your bosom, especially if you’ve had good things to eat, and is indistinguishable from the process of digestion. But for me love is everything, the cause and reason of life. Without love I should be non-existent.”
“Ah yes, with you, love is hidden away all day while you're busy with the serious stuff in life, like shearing sheep or hunting foxes; and after dinner, it comes alive in your heart, especially if you’ve had a good meal, blending in with the act of digestion. But for me, love is everything, the reason for living. Without love, I wouldn't even exist.”
“Well, you may love me,” said Edward, “but, by Jove, you’ve got a jolly funny way of showing it.... But as far as I’m concerned, if you’ll tell me what you want me to do, I’ll try and do it.”
“Well, you might love me,” Edward said, “but, seriously, you have a pretty funny way of showing it.... But as far as I’m concerned, if you tell me what you want me to do, I’ll try to do it.”
“Oh, how can I tell you?” she cried, impatiently. “I do everything I can to make you love me and I can’t. If you’re a stock and a stone, how can I teach you to be the passionate lover? I want you to love me as I love you.”
“Oh, how can I explain this to you?” she exclaimed, frustrated. “I do everything I can to make you love me, but it’s just not working. If you’re as unfeeling as a rock, how can I make you into the passionate lover I want? I need you to love me the way I love you.”
“Well, if you ask me for my opinion I should say it was rather a good job I don’t. Why, the furniture would be smashed up in a week, if I were as violent as you.”
“Well, if you want my opinion, I’d say it’s probably a good thing I don’t. The furniture would be wrecked in a week if I had a temper like yours.”
“I shouldn’t mind if you were violent if you loved me,” replied Bertha, taking his remark with vehement seriousness. “I shouldn’t care if you beat me; I should not mind how much you hurt me, if you did it because you loved me.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you were violent as long as you loved me,” Bertha replied, taking his comment very seriously. “I wouldn’t care if you hit me; I wouldn’t mind how much you hurt me, as long as it was because you loved me.”
“I think a week of it would about sicken you of that sort of love, my dear.”
“I think a week of that would probably make you sick of that kind of love, my dear.”
“Anything would be preferable to your indifference.”
“Anything would be better than your indifference.”
“But God bless my soul, I’m not indifferent. Any one would think I didn’t care for you—or was gone on some other woman.”
“But God bless my soul, I’m not indifferent. Anyone would think I didn’t care about you—or was into some other woman.”
“I don’t know about that. I can say truly that after God and my honour, I treasure nothing in the world so much as you.”
“I’m not sure about that. I can honestly say that after God and my honor, I value nothing in the world as much as you.”
“You’ve forgotten your hunter,” cried Bertha, scornfully.
“You forgot your hunter,” Bertha shouted, mockingly.
“No, I haven’t,” answered Edward, with a certain gravity.
“No, I haven’t,” Edward replied, with a certain seriousness.
“What do you think I care for a position like that? You acknowledge that I am third—I would as soon be nowhere.”
“What do you think I care about a position like that? You admit that I’m in third place—I’d rather be nowhere.”
“I could not love you half so much, loved I not honour more,” misquoted Edward.
“I couldn’t love you nearly as much if I didn’t value honor more,” misquoted Edward.
“The man was a prig who wrote that. I want to be placed above your God and above your honour. The love I want is the love of the man who will lose everything, even his own soul, for the sake of a woman.”
“The guy who wrote that was really uptight. I want to be more important than your God and your honor. The love I want is the kind of love where a man would give up everything, even his own soul, for the sake of a woman.”
Edward shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know where you’ll get that. My idea of love is that it’s a very good thing in its place—but there’s a limit to everything. There are other things in life.”
Edward shrugged. “I don’t know where you’ll find that. My idea of love is that it’s great in the right context—but everything has its limits. There are other things in life.”
“Oh yes, I know—there’s duty and honour, and the farm, and fox-hunting, and the opinion of one’s neighbours, and the dogs and the cat, and the new brougham, and a million other things.... What do you suppose you’d do if I had committed some crime and were likely to be imprisoned?”
“Oh yes, I get it—there’s duty and honor, and the farm, and fox-hunting, and what the neighbors think, and the dogs and the cat, and the new carriage, and a million other things.... What do you think you’d do if I had committed a crime and was likely to be jailed?”
“I don’t want to suppose anything of the sort. You may be sure I’d do my duty.”
“I don’t want to assume anything like that. You can be sure I’ll do my duty.”
“Oh, I’m sick of your duty. You din it into my ears morning, noon, and night. I wish to God you weren’t so virtuous—you might be more human.”
“Oh, I’m tired of your sense of duty. You hammer it into my ears morning, noon, and night. I wish to God you weren’t so perfect—you might be more human.”
Edward found his wife’s behaviour so extraordinary that he consulted Dr. Ramsay. The medical man had been for thirty years the recipient of marital confidences, and was sceptical as to the value of medicine in the cure of jealousy, talkativeness, incompatibility of temper, and the like diseases. He assured Edward that time was the only remedy by which all differences were reconciled; but after further pressing consented to send Bertha a bottle of harmless tonic, which it was his habit to give to all and sundry for most of the ills to which the flesh is heir. It would doubtless do Bertha no harm, and that is an important consideration to a general practitioner. Dr. Ramsay likewise advised Edward to keep calm and be confident that Bertha would eventually become the dutiful and submissive spouse whom it is every man’s ideal to see by his fireside, when he wakes up from his after-dinner snooze.
Edward found his wife’s behavior so unusual that he spoke to Dr. Ramsay. The doctor had been hearing marital secrets for thirty years and was doubtful about the effectiveness of medicine in treating jealousy, talkativeness, temperamental clashes, and similar issues. He assured Edward that time was the only solution to resolve any differences, but after some further insistence, he agreed to send Bertha a bottle of harmless tonic, which he usually prescribed to everyone for most ailments. It would likely do Bertha no harm, and that’s something a general practitioner values. Dr. Ramsay also advised Edward to stay calm and believe that Bertha would eventually become the obedient and supportive wife that every man hopes to see by his side when he wakes up from his post-dinner nap.
Bertha’s moods were certainly trying. No one could tell one day, how she would be the next; and this was peculiarly uncomfortable to a man who was willing to make the best of everything, but on the condition that he had time to get used to it. Sometimes she would be seized with melancholy, in the twilight of winter afternoons, for instance, when the mind is naturally led to a contemplation of the vanity of existence and the futility of all human endeavour. Edward, noticing she was pensive, a state which he detested, asked what were her thoughts; and half dreamily she tried to express them.
Bertha's moods were definitely challenging. No one could predict how she would feel from one day to the next, which was especially uncomfortable for a man who preferred to make the best of things, but needed time to adapt. Sometimes she'd be overwhelmed by sadness, like during the dim winter afternoons when people tend to reflect on the emptiness of life and the pointlessness of human efforts. When Edward noticed she was deep in thought—a state he truly disliked—he asked what was on her mind, and she tried to express her thoughts, somewhat dreamily.
“Good Lord deliver us!” he cried cheerily, “what rum things you do get into your little noddle. You must be out of sorts.”
“Good Lord, help us!” he exclaimed cheerfully, “what strange things you get stuck in your head. You must be feeling off.”
“It isn’t that,” she answered, smiling sadly.
“It’s not that,” she replied, smiling sadly.
“It’s not natural for a woman to brood in that way. I think you ought to start taking that tonic again—but I dare say you’re only tired and you’ll think quite different in the morning.”
“It’s not normal for a woman to dwell on things like that. I think you should start taking that tonic again—but I guess you’re just tired and you’ll feel completely different in the morning.”
Bertha made no answer. She suffered from the nameless pain of existence and he offered her—Iron and Quinine: when she required sympathy because her heart ached for the woes of her fellow-men, he poured Tincture of Nux Vomica down her throat. He could not understand, it was no use explaining that she found a savour in the tender contemplation of the evils of mankind. But the worst of it was that Edward was quite right—the brute, he always was! When the morning came, the melancholy had vanished, Bertha was left without a care, and the world did not even need rose-coloured spectacles to seem attractive. It was humiliating to find that her most beautiful thoughts, the ennobling emotions which brought home to her the charming fiction that all men are brothers, were due to mere physical exhaustion.
Bertha didn’t respond. She was struggling with the deep, unnamed pain of life, and he offered her iron and quinine when what she really needed was sympathy because her heart ached for the suffering of others. Instead, he force-fed her tincture of nux vomica. He just didn’t get it; it was pointless to explain to him that she found solace in gently thinking about the troubles of humanity. But the worst part was that Edward was right—the jerk, he always was! When morning came, the sadness had disappeared, and Bertha was carefree; the world looked appealing even without rose-colored glasses. It was embarrassing to realize that her most beautiful thoughts and the uplifting feelings that made her believe in the charming idea that all men are brothers were just a result of being physically worn out.
Some people have extraordinarily literal minds, they never allow for the play of imagination: life for them has no beer and skittles, and, far from being an empty dream, is a matter of extreme seriousness. Of such is the man who, when a woman tells him she feels dreadfully old, instead of answering that she looks absurdly young, replies that youth has its drawbacks and age its compensations! And of such was Edward. He could never realise that people did not mean exactly what they said. At first he had always consulted Bertha on the conduct of the estate; but she, pleased to be a nonentity in her own house, had consented to everything he suggested, and even begged him not to ask her. When she informed him that he was absolute lord not only of herself, but of all her worldly goods, it was not surprising that he should at last take her at her word.
Some people have incredibly literal minds; they never allow for imagination. For them, life isn't all fun and games, and instead of being an empty fantasy, it is a matter of serious concern. This is the type of person who, when a woman tells him she feels really old, won't say she looks ridiculously young but will instead point out that youth has its downsides and age has its benefits! Edward was just like that. He could never understand that people didn't always mean exactly what they said. At first, he always consulted Bertha about running the estate, but she, happy to be an invisible presence in her own home, agreed to everything he suggested and even asked him not to involve her. When she told him that he was the absolute master not just of her, but of all her possessions, it was no wonder he eventually took her seriously.
“Women know nothing about farming,” he said, “and it’s best that I should have a free hand.”
“Women don’t know anything about farming,” he said, “and it’s better that I should have complete control.”
The result of his stewardship was all that could be desired; the estate was put into apple-pie order, and the farms paid rent for the first time since twenty years. The wandering winds, even the sun and the rain, seemed to conspire in favour of so clever and hard working a man; and fortune for once went hand in hand with virtue. Bertha constantly received congratulations from the surrounding squires on the admirable way in which Edward managed the place, and he, on his side, never failed to recount his triumphs and the compliments they occasioned.
The outcome of his management was everything anyone could hope for; the estate was neatly organized, and the farms paid rent for the first time in twenty years. Even the winds, sun, and rain seemed to work together to support such a smart and hardworking man; for once, luck aligned with good character. Bertha often received praise from the nearby landowners for how well Edward ran the estate, and he, in turn, never missed a chance to share his achievements and the compliments that came with them.
But not only was Edward looked upon as master by his farm-hands and labourers; even the servants of Court Leys treated Bertha as a minor personage whose orders were only to be conditionally obeyed. Long generations of servitude have made the countryman peculiarly subtle in hierarchical distinctions; and there was a marked difference between his manner with Edward, on whom his livelihood depended, and his manner with Bertha, who shone only with a reflected light as the squire’s missus.
But not only did the farm workers and laborers see Edward as their master; even the servants at Court Leys treated Bertha as a minor figure whose commands were to be obeyed only under certain conditions. Long generations of servitude have made the country folk particularly skilled in recognizing hierarchical distinctions; there was a clear difference in how they interacted with Edward, on whom their livelihood depended, versus how they treated Bertha, who only had a shine from being the squire’s wife.
At first this had only amused Bertha, but the most brilliant jest, constantly repeated, may lose its savour. More than once she had to speak sharply to a gardener who hesitated to do as he was bid, because his orders were not from the master. Her pride reviving with the decline of love, Bertha began to find the position intolerable; her mind was now very susceptible to affront, and she was desirous of an opportunity to show that after all she was still the mistress of Court Leys.
At first, this only amused Bertha, but even the funniest joke, when repeated too often, can lose its charm. More than once, she had to speak sharply to a gardener who hesitated to follow orders because they didn’t come from the master. As her pride returned with the fading of love, Bertha started to find the situation unbearable; her feelings were now very sensitive to disrespect, and she wanted a chance to prove that, after all, she was still in charge at Court Leys.
It soon came. For it chanced that some ancient lover of trees, unpractical as the Leys had ever been, had planted six beeches in a hedgerow, and these in course of time had grown into stately trees, the admiration of all beholders. But one day as Bertha walked along, a hideous gap caught her eye—one of the six beeches had disappeared. There had been no storm, it could not have fallen of itself. She went up, and found it cut down, and the men who had done the deed were already starting on another: a ladder was leaning against it, upon which stood a labourer attaching a line. No sight is more pathetic than an old tree levelled with the ground; and the space which it filled suddenly stands out with an unsightly emptiness. But Bertha was more angry than pained.
It happened soon enough. Some old tree lover, impractical as the Leys had always been, had planted six beech trees in a hedgerow, and over time they had grown into magnificent trees that everyone admired. But one day, as Bertha was walking by, she noticed a terrible gap—one of the six beeches was gone. There hadn’t been a storm, and it couldn’t have fallen on its own. She approached and saw it had been cut down, and the men who did it were already starting on another one: a ladder was propped against it, with a worker on it tying a rope. Nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing an old tree lying flat on the ground; the area where it once stood suddenly looks unappealingly empty. But Bertha felt more anger than sadness.
“What are you doing, Hodgkins? Who gave you orders to cut down this tree?”
“What are you doing, Hodgkins? Who told you to cut down this tree?”
“The squire, mum.”
“The squire, Mom.”
“Oh, it must be a mistake. Mr. Craddock never meant anything of the sort.”
“Oh, it must be a mistake. Mr. Craddock never intended anything like that.”
“‘E told us positive to take down this one and them others yonder. You can see his mark, mum.”
“‘He told us for sure to take down this one and those others over there. You can see his mark, mom.”
The man on the ladder looked at her, but made no attempt to do as he was bid.
The man on the ladder looked at her but didn’t try to do what she asked.
“The squire said most particular that we was to cut that tree down to-day.”
“The squire specifically said that we were to cut that tree down today.”
“Will you have the goodness to do as I tell you?” said Bertha, reddening with anger. “Tell that man to unfasten the rope and come down. I forbid you to touch the tree.”
“Will you please just do what I say?” Bertha said, her face flushing with anger. “Tell that guy to untie the rope and come down. I’m telling you not to touch the tree.”
The man Hodgkins repeated Bertha’s order in a surly voice, and they all looked at her suspiciously, wishing to disobey but not daring—in case the squire should be angry.
The man Hodgkins grumbled Bertha’s order, and they all eyed her warily, wanting to rebel but too scared to do so—fearing the squire’s anger.
“Well, I’ll take no responsibility for it.”
“Well, I won’t take any responsibility for it.”
“Please hold your tongue and do what I tell you as quickly as possible.”
“Please be quiet and do what I say as quickly as you can.”
Chapter XXI
BERTHA went home, fuming, knowing perfectly well that Edward had really given the orders which she had countermanded, but glad of the chance to have a final settlement of rights. She did not see him for several hours.
BERTHA went home, angry, fully aware that Edward had actually issued the orders she had overridden, but pleased to have the opportunity to settle things once and for all. She didn’t see him for several hours.
“I say, Bertha,” he said, when he came in, “why on earth did you stop those men cutting down the beeches on Carter’s field? You’ve lost a whole half-day’s work. I wanted to set them on something else to-morrow, now I shall have to leave it over till Thursday.”
“I say, Bertha,” he said when he came in, “why on earth did you stop those guys from cutting down the beeches on Carter’s field? You’ve wasted a whole half-day’s work. I wanted to put them on something else tomorrow, but now I’ll have to leave it until Thursday.”
“I stopped them because I refuse to have the beeches cut down. They’re the only ones in the place. I’m very much annoyed that even one should have gone without my knowing about it. You should have asked me before you did such a thing.”
“I stopped them because I won’t let them cut down the beeches. They’re the only ones around here. I’m really annoyed that even one was taken down without me knowing. You should have asked me before doing something like that.”
“My good girl, I can’t come and ask you each time I want a thing done.”
“My good girl, I can’t keep coming to you every time I need something done.”
“Is the land mine or yours?”
“Is the land mine or yours?”
“It’s yours,” answered Edward, laughing, “but I know better than you what ought to be done, and it’s silly of you to interfere.”
“It’s yours,” Edward said with a laugh, “but I know better than you what needs to be done, and it’s foolish of you to get involved.”
Bertha flushed. “In future, I wish to be consulted.”
Bertha blushed. “From now on, I want to be included in the decision-making.”
“You’ve told me fifty thousand times to do always as I think fit.”
“You’ve told me fifty thousand times to always do what I think is right.”
“Well, I’ve changed my mind.”
"Well, I've changed my mind."
“It’s too late now,” he laughed. “You made me take the reins in my own hands and I’m going to keep them.”
“It’s too late now,” he laughed. “You made me take control of my own life, and I’m going to hold onto it.”
Bertha in her anger hardly restrained herself from telling him she could send him away like a hired servant.
Bertha, furious, could barely hold back from telling him she could send him away like a hired hand.
“I want you to understand, Edward, that I’m not going to have those trees cut down. You must tell the men you made a mistake.”
“I want you to understand, Edward, that I’m not going to let them cut down those trees. You need to tell the guys you made a mistake.”
“I shall tell them nothing of the sort. I’m not going to cut them all down—only three. We don’t want them there—for one thing the shade damages the crops, and otherwise Carter’s is one of our best fields. And then I want the wood.”
“I’m not telling them anything like that. I’m not going to cut them all down—just three. We don’t want them there because the shade damages the crops, and besides, Carter’s is one of our best fields. Plus, I want the wood.”
“I care nothing about the crops, and if you want wood you can buy it. Those trees were planted nearly a hundred years ago, and I would sooner die than cut them down.”
“I don’t care at all about the crops, and if you want wood, you can buy it. Those trees were planted almost a hundred years ago, and I would rather die than cut them down.”
“The man who planted beeches in a hedgerow was about the silliest jackass I’ve ever heard of. Any tree’s bad enough, but a beech of all things—why, it’s drip, drip, drip, all the time, and not a thing will grow under them. That’s the sort of thing that has been done all over the estate for years. It’ll take me a lifetime to repair the blunders of your—of the former owners.”
“The guy who planted beech trees in a hedge was about the dumbest person I’ve ever heard of. Any tree is bad enough, but a beech of all things—seriously, it's just drip, drip, drip all the time, and nothing will grow underneath them. That’s the kind of mistake that’s been made all over the estate for years. It’ll take me a lifetime to fix the mistakes of your—of the previous owners.”
It is one of the curiosities of sentiment that its most abject slave rarely permits it to interfere with his temporal concerns; it appears as unusual for a man to sentimentalise in his own walk of life as for him to pick his own pocket. Edward, having passed all his days in contact with the earth, might have been expected to cherish a certain love of nature. The pathos of transpontine melodrama made him cough, and blow his nose; and in literature he affected the titled and consumptive heroine, and the soft-hearted, burly hero. But when it came to business, it was another matter—the sort of sentiment which asks a farmer to spare a sylvan glade for æsthetic reasons is absurd. Edward would have willingly allowed advertisement-mongers to put up boards on the most beautiful part of the estate, if thereby he could surreptitiously increase the profits of his farm.
One of the odd things about emotions is that their most devoted follower rarely lets them get in the way of practical matters; it seems just as unusual for someone to get sentimental in their daily life as it is for them to rob themselves. Edward, having spent his whole life close to the land, might have been expected to have some love for nature. He would tear up and blow his nose at the over-the-top sadness of melodramas, and in literature, he liked the noble and sickly heroine and the kind-hearted, burly hero. But when it came to business, it was a whole different story—the kind of sentiment that would ask a farmer to preserve a beautiful grove for artistic reasons is just ridiculous. Edward would have happily let advertisers put up signs in the most scenic part of his property if it meant he could secretly boost his farm's profits.
“Whatever you may think of my people,” said Bertha, “you will kindly pay attention to me. The land is mine, and I refuse to let you spoil it.”
“Whatever you think about my people,” said Bertha, “you’ll kindly pay attention to me. The land is mine, and I won’t let you ruin it.”
“It isn’t spoiling it. It’s the proper thing to do. You’ll soon get used to not seeing the wretched trees—and I tell you I’m only going to take three down. I’ve given orders to cut the others to-morrow.”
“It’s not ruining it. It’s the right thing to do. You’ll quickly get used to not seeing the ugly trees—and I promise I’m only going to take down three. I’ve instructed them to cut the others tomorrow.”
“I’m going to do what’s right; and if you don’t approve of it, I’m very sorry, but I shall do it all the same.”
“I’m going to do what’s right; and if you don’t agree with it, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to do it anyway.”
“I shall give the men orders to do nothing of the kind.”
"I'll tell the guys not to do anything like that."
Edward laughed. “Then you’ll make an ass of yourself. You try giving them orders contrary to mine, and see what they do.”
Edward laughed. “Then you’ll make a fool of yourself. Try giving them orders that go against mine, and see what happens.”
Bertha gave a cry. In her fury she looked round for something to throw; she would have liked to hit him; but he stood there, calm and self-possessed, quite amused.
Bertha shouted. In her anger, she scanned the area for something to throw; she wanted to hit him; but he stood there, calm and collected, clearly amused.
“I think you must be mad,” she said. “You do all you can to destroy my love for you.”
“I think you're crazy,” she said. “You do everything you can to ruin my love for you.”
She was in too great a passion for words. This was the measure of his affection; he must, indeed, utterly despise her; and this was the only result of the love she had humbly laid at his feet. She asked herself what she could do; she could do nothing—but submit. She knew as well as he that her orders would be disobeyed if they did not agree with his; and that he would keep his word she did not for a moment doubt. To do so was his pride. She did not speak for the rest of the day, but next morning when he was going out, asked what was his intention with regard to the trees.
She was too overwhelmed with emotion to find the right words. This was how much he cared for her; he must genuinely hate her, and this was the only outcome of the love she had humbly offered him. She wondered what she could do; there was nothing she could do—but accept it. She knew just like he did that her wishes would be ignored if they didn’t align with his; and she had no doubt that he would keep his promise. That was his pride. She didn’t say anything for the rest of the day, but the next morning, as he was leaving, she asked what he planned to do about the trees.
“Oh, I thought you’d forgotten all about them,” he replied. “I mean to do as I said.”
“Oh, I thought you’d completely forgotten about them,” he replied. “I intend to do what I said.”
“If you have the trees cut down, I shall leave you; I shall go to Aunt Polly’s.”
“If you cut down the trees, I’m leaving you; I’m going to Aunt Polly’s.”
“And tell her that you wanted the moon, and I was so unkind as not to give it you?” he replied, smiling. “She’ll laugh at you.”
“And tell her that you wanted the moon, and I was so unkind as not to give it to you?” he replied with a smile. “She’ll laugh at you.”
“You will find me as careful to keep my word as you.”
“You’ll find that I’m just as careful to keep my promises as you are.”
Before luncheon she went out and walked to Carter’s field. The men were still at work, but a second tree had gone, the third would doubtless fall in the afternoon. The men glanced at Bertha, and she thought they laughed; she stood looking at them for some while so that she might thoroughly digest the humiliation. Then she went home, and wrote to her aunt the following veracious letter:—
Before lunch, she went out and walked to Carter’s field. The men were still working, but a second tree had fallen, and the third would probably go down in the afternoon. The men looked at Bertha, and she thought they were laughing; she stood there watching them for a while to fully process the embarrassment. Then she went home and wrote her aunt the following truthful letter:—
My dear Aunt Polly,—I have been so seedy these last few weeks that Edward, poor dear, has been quite alarmed; and has been bothering me to come up to town to see a specialist. He’s as urgent as if he wanted to get me out of the way, and I’m already half-jealous of my new parlour-maid, who has pink cheeks and golden hair—which is just the type that Edward really admires. I also think that Dr. Ramsay hasn’t the ghost of an idea what is the matter with me, and not being particularly desirous to depart this life just yet, I think it will be discreet to see somebody who will at least change my medicine. I have taken gallons of iron and quinine, and I’m frightfully afraid that my teeth will go black. My own opinion, coinciding so exactly with Edward’s (that horrid Mrs. Ryle calls us the humming-birds, meaning the turtledoves, her knowledge of natural history arouses dear Edward’s contempt); I have gracefully acceded to his desire, and if you can put me up, will come at your earliest convenience.—Yours affectionately, B. C.
My dear Aunt Polly,—I've been feeling really unwell these last few weeks, and poor Edward has been quite worried. He’s been pushing me to come to town to see a specialist. He's as insistent as if he wanted to get rid of me, and I'm already a bit jealous of my new parlour-maid, who has rosy cheeks and golden hair—which is exactly the type that Edward really likes. I also think that Dr. Ramsay has no clue what’s wrong with me, and since I'm not particularly keen on leaving this life just yet, I think it would be wise to see someone who will at least change my medication. I've taken tons of iron and quinine, and I'm really afraid my teeth will go black. I share the same opinion as Edward (that awful Mrs. Ryle calls us the humming-birds, meaning turtledoves, which makes dear Edward roll his eyes at her lack of knowledge about nature); I have graciously agreed to his request, and if you can host me, I’ll come at your earliest convenience.—Yours affectionately, B. C.
P.S.—I shall take the opportunity of getting clothes (I am positively in rags), so you will have to keep me some little time.
P.S.—I’ll take the chance to get some clothes (I'm really in rags), so you'll have to keep me for a little while.
Edward came in shortly afterwards, looking very much pleased. He glanced slily at Bertha, thinking himself so clever that he could scarcely help laughing: it was his habit to be most particular in his behaviour, or he would undoubtedly have put his tongue in his cheek.
Edward walked in a little later, looking quite pleased with himself. He shot a sly glance at Bertha, thinking he was so clever it was hard not to laugh: he usually paid close attention to his behavior, or he definitely would have stuck his tongue in his cheek.
“With women, my dear sir, you must be firm. When you’re putting them to a fence, close your legs and don’t check them; but mind you keep ’em under control or they’ll lose their little heads. A man should always let a woman see that he’s got her well in hand.”
“With women, my dear sir, you must be firm. When you’re guiding them over a fence, close your legs and don’t hold back; but make sure you keep them under control or they’ll lose their heads. A man should always let a woman see that he’s got a good grip on the situation.”
Bertha was silent, able to eat nothing for luncheon; she sat opposite her husband, wondering how he could gorge so disgracefully when she was angry and miserable. But in the afternoon her appetite returned, and, going to the kitchen, she ate so many sandwiches that at dinner she could again touch nothing. She hoped Edward would notice that she refused all food, and be properly alarmed and sorry. But he demolished enough for two, and never saw that his wife fasted.
Bertha stayed quiet, unable to eat anything for lunch. She sat across from her husband, wondering how he could indulge so shamelessly when she felt angry and miserable. But by the afternoon, her appetite came back, and she went to the kitchen, eating so many sandwiches that she couldn't touch any food at dinner. She hoped Edward would notice that she was refusing to eat and would be appropriately worried and regretful. Instead, he managed to eat enough for two and didn't even notice his wife was skipping meals.
At night Bertha went to bed and bolted herself in the room. Presently Edward came up and tried the door. Finding it closed, he knocked and cried to her to open. She did not answer. He knocked again more loudly and shook the handle.
At night, Bertha went to bed and locked the door to her room. Soon after, Edward came up and tried the door. Finding it closed, he knocked and called out to her to open it. She didn’t respond. He knocked again, louder this time, and shook the handle.
“I want to have my room to myself,” she cried out; “I’m ill. Please don’t try to come in.”
“I want to have my room to myself,” she shouted; “I’m not feeling well. Please don’t try to come in.”
“What? Where am I to sleep?”
“What? Where am I supposed to sleep?”
“Oh, you can sleep in one of the spare rooms.”
“Oh, you can crash in one of the spare rooms.”
“Nonsense!” he cried; and without further ado put his shoulder to the door: he was a strong man; one heave and the old hinges cracked. He entered, laughing.
“Nonsense!” he shouted; and without any hesitation pushed against the door: he was a strong guy; with one push the old hinges creaked. He walked in, laughing.
“If you wanted to keep me out, you ought to have barricaded yourself up with the furniture.”
“If you wanted to keep me out, you should have locked yourself in with the furniture.”
Bertha was disinclined to treat the matter lightly. “If you come in,” she said, “I shall go out.”
Bertha wasn't willing to take the matter lightly. “If you come in,” she said, “I'll go out.”
“Oh no, you won’t!” he said, dragging a big chest of drawers in front of the door.
“Oh no, you’re not!” he said, pulling a big chest of drawers in front of the door.
Bertha got up and put on a yellow silk dressing-gown, which was really most becoming.
Bertha got up and put on a yellow silk bathrobe, which looked really great on her.
“I’ll spend the night on the sofa then,” she said. “I don’t want to quarrel with you any more or to make a scene. I have written to Aunt Polly, and the day after to-morrow I shall go to London.”
“I’ll sleep on the sofa then,” she said. “I don’t want to argue with you anymore or cause a scene. I’ve written to Aunt Polly, and the day after tomorrow, I’ll head to London.”
“I was going to suggest that a change of air would do you good. I think your nerves are a bit groggy.”
“I was going to suggest that getting some fresh air would be good for you. I think your nerves are a bit shot.”
“It’s very good of you to take an interest in my nerves,” she replied, with a scornful glance, settling herself on the sofa.
“It’s really nice of you to care about my nerves,” she replied, casting a scornful glance as she settled onto the sofa.
“Are you really going to sleep there?” he said, getting into bed.
“Are you really going to sleep here?” he said, getting into bed.
“It looks like it.”
"Looks like it."
Bertha did not answer, and in a few minutes she was angrily listening to his snores. Could he really be asleep? It was infamous that he slept so calmly.
Bertha didn't reply, and after a few minutes, she was angrily listening to him snore. Could he really be asleep? It was outrageous that he slept so peacefully.
“Edward,” she called.
"Edward," she shouted.
There was no answer, but she could not bring herself to believe that he was sleeping. She could never even close her eyes. He must be pretending—to annoy her. She wanted to touch him, but feared that he would burst out laughing. She felt indeed horribly cold, and piled rugs and dresses over her. It required great fortitude not to sneak back to bed. She was unhappy and thirsty. Nothing is so disagreeable as the water in toilet-bottles, with the glass tasting of tooth-wash; but she gulped some down, though it almost made her sick, and then walked about the room, turning over her manifold wrongs. Edward slept on insufferably. She made a noise to wake him, but he did not stir; she knocked down a table with a clatter sufficient to disturb the dead, but her husband was insensible. Then she looked at the bed, wondering whether she dared lie down for an hour, and trust to waking before him. She was so cold that she determined to risk it, feeling certain that she would not sleep long; she walked to the bed.
There was no response, but she couldn't convince herself that he was actually sleeping. She could never even close her eyes. He had to be pretending—to irritate her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but worried he would just start laughing. She felt incredibly cold and piled blankets and clothes over herself. It took a lot of strength not to sneak back to bed. She was unhappy and thirsty. There's nothing as unpleasant as water from toilet bottles, with the glass tasting of toothpaste; still, she managed to gulp some down, even though it almost made her feel sick, and then she walked around the room, reflecting on her many grievances. Edward slept on annoyingly. She made a noise to try to wake him, but he didn't budge; she knocked over a table with a crash loud enough to wake the dead, but her husband remained oblivious. Then she looked at the bed, wondering if she should risk lying down for an hour and hope to wake up before him. She was so cold that she decided to take the chance, confident that she wouldn’t sleep long; she walked over to the bed.
“Coming to bed after all?” said Edward, in a sleepy voice.
“Are you finally coming to bed?” Edward said, his voice groggy.
She stopped, and her heart rose to her mouth. “I was coming for my pillow,” she replied indignantly, thanking her stars that he had not spoken a minute later.
She paused, and her heart raced. “I was just getting my pillow,” she replied defensively, grateful that he hadn’t said anything a minute later.
She returned to the sofa, and eventually making herself very comfortable, fell asleep. In this blissful condition she continued till the morning, and when she awoke Edward was drawing up the blinds.
She went back to the couch and eventually got really comfortable before falling asleep. In this peaceful state, she stayed like that until morning, and when she woke up, Edward was pulling up the blinds.
“Slept well?” he asked.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked.
“I haven’t slept a wink.”
"I haven't slept at all."
“Oh, what a crammer. I’ve been looking at you for the last hour!”
“Oh, what a know-it-all. I’ve been watching you for the last hour!”
“I’ve had my eyes closed for about ten minutes, if that’s what you mean.”
“I’ve had my eyes closed for around ten minutes, if that’s what you mean.”
Bertha was quite justly annoyed that her husband should have caught her napping soundly—it robbed her proceeding of half its effect. Moreover, Edward was as fresh as a bird, while she felt old and haggard, and hardly dared look at herself in the glass.
Bertha was understandably annoyed that her husband had caught her napping soundly—it took away half of the impact of what she was doing. Moreover, Edward was as lively as a bird, while she felt tired and worn out, and could hardly bring herself to look in the mirror.
In the middle of the morning came a telegram from Miss Ley, telling Bertha to come whenever she liked—hoping Edward would come too! Bertha left it in a conspicuous place so that he could not fail to see it.
In the middle of the morning, a telegram arrived from Miss Ley, inviting Bertha to visit whenever she wanted—hoping Edward would join her too! Bertha placed it in an obvious spot so that he couldn’t miss it.
“So you’re really going?” he said.
“So you’re actually going?” he said.
“I told you I was as able to keep my word as you.”
“I told you I could keep my word just as well as you could.”
“Well, I think it’ll do you no end of good. How long will you stay?”
“Well, I think it’ll be really good for you. How long are you planning to stay?”
“How do I know! Perhaps for ever.”
“How would I know? Maybe forever.”
“That’s a big word—though it has only two syllables.”
"That's a big word—even though it only has two syllables."
It cut Bertha to the heart that Edward should be so indifferent—he could not care for her at all. He seemed to think it natural that she should leave him, pretending it was good for her health. Oh, what did she care about her health! As she made the needful preparations her courage failed her, and she felt it impossible to go. Tears came as she thought of the difference between their present state and the ardent love of a year before. She would have welcomed the poorest excuse that forced her to stay, and yet saved her self-respect. If Edward would only express grief at the parting, it might not be too late. But her boxes were packed and her train fixed; he told Miss Glover that his wife was going away for a change of air, and regretted that his farm prevented him from accompanying her. The trap was brought to the door, and Edward jumped up, taking his seat. Now there was no hope, and go she must. She wished for courage to tell Edward that she could not leave him, but was afraid. They drove along in silence; Bertha waited for her husband to speak, daring to say nothing herself, lest he should hear the tears in her voice. At last she made an effort.
It cut Bertha to the heart that Edward was so indifferent—he didn’t care about her at all. He seemed to think it was normal for her to leave him, pretending it was for her health. Oh, what did she care about her health! As she went through the necessary preparations, her courage faltered, and she felt it was impossible to leave. Tears came as she thought about the difference between their current situation and the passionate love they had a year ago. She would have welcomed even the flimsiest excuse to stay and still maintain her self-respect. If only Edward would show some sadness about their separation, it might not be too late. But her bags were packed, and her train was set; he told Miss Glover that his wife was going away for a change of scenery and regretted that his farm work kept him from going with her. The carriage was brought to the door, and Edward got in, taking his seat. Now there was no hope, and she had to go. She wished she had the courage to tell Edward that she couldn’t leave him, but she was scared. They drove along in silence; Bertha waited for her husband to speak, daring not to say anything herself, afraid he would hear the tears in her voice. Finally, she made an effort.
“Are you sorry I’m going?”
“Are you sad I’m leaving?”
Bertha asked herself what love a man had for his wife, who could bear her out of his sight, no matter what the necessity. She stifled a sigh.
Bertha wondered what kind of love a man could have for his wife if he could stand to be away from her, no matter the reason. She held back a sigh.
They reached the station and he took her ticket. They waited in silence for the train, and Edward bought Punch and The Sketch from a newspaper boy. The horrible train steamed up; Edward helped her into a carriage, and the tears in her eyes now could not be concealed. She put out her lips.
They arrived at the station, and he took her ticket. They stood in silence waiting for the train, while Edward bought Punch and The Sketch from a newspaper vendor. The dreadful train rolled in, and Edward assisted her into a carriage, where the tears in her eyes were now impossible to hide. She puckered her lips.
Chapter XXII
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, S.W.
April 18.
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, SW.
April 18.
Dear Edward,—I think we were wise to part. We were too unsuited to one another, and our difficulties could only have increased. The knot of marriage between two persons of differing temperaments is so intricate that it can only be cut: you may try to unravel it, and think you are succeeding, but another turn shows you that the tangle is only worse than ever. Even time is powerless. Some things are impossible; you cannot heap water up like stones, you cannot measure one man by another man’s rule. I am certain we were wise to separate. I see that if we had continued to live together our quarrels would have perpetually increased. It is horrible to look back upon those vulgar brawls—we wrangled like fishwives. I cannot understand how my mouth could have uttered such things.
Dear Edward, —I think we made the right choice to part ways. We were just too incompatible, and our issues would have only gotten worse. The bond of marriage between two people with different temperaments is so complex that it can only be severed: you might try to untangle it and think you're making progress, but then another twist shows that the mess is even worse than before. Even time can’t help. Some things are impossible; you can't stack water like stones, and you can't judge one person by another's standards. I'm certain separating was the right decision. I see that if we had continued living together, our arguments would have kept escalating. It's awful to look back on those petty fights—we bickered like fishwives. I can't believe my mouth could have said such things.
It is very bitter to look back and compare my anticipations with what has really happened. Did I expect too much from life? Ah me, I only expected that my husband would love me. It is because I asked so little that I have received nothing. In this world you must ask much, you must spread your praises abroad, you must trample under-foot those who stand in your path, you must take up all the room you can or you will be elbowed away; you must be irredeemably selfish, or you will be a thing of no account, a frippery that man plays with and flings aside.
It's really painful to look back and compare my hopes with what actually happened. Did I expect too much from life? Honestly, I only expected my husband to love me. It's because I asked for so little that I ended up with nothing. In this world, you have to ask for a lot, you have to promote yourself, you have to push down anyone who stands in your way, you need to take up as much space as you can or you’ll be pushed aside; you have to be completely selfish, or you'll be overlooked, just a little trinket that someone plays with and tosses away.
Of course I expected the impossible, I was not satisfied with the conventional unity of marriage; I wanted to be really one with you. Oneself is the whole world, and all other people are merely strangers. At first in my vehement desire, I used to despair because I knew you so little; I was heartbroken at the impossibility of really understanding you, of getting right down into your heart of hearts. Never, to the best of my knowledge, have I seen your veritable self; you are nearly as much a stranger to me as if I had known you but an hour. I bared my soul to you, concealing nothing—there is in you a man I do not know and have never seen. We are so absolutely different, I don’t know a single thing that we have in common; often when we have been talking and fallen into silence, our thoughts, starting from the same standpoint, have travelled in contrary directions, and on speaking again, we found how widely they had diverged. I hoped to know you to the bottom of your soul. Oh, I hoped that we should be united, so as to have but one soul between us; and yet on the most commonplace occasion, I can never know your thoughts. Perhaps it might have been different if we had had children; they might have formed between us a truer link, and perhaps in the delight of them I should have forgotten my impracticable dreams. But fate was against us, I come from a rotten stock. It is written in the book that the Leys should depart from the sight of men, and return to their mother the earth, to be incorporated with her; and who knows in the future what may be our lot! I like to think that in the course of ages I may be the wheat on a fertile plain, or the smoke from a fire of brambles on the common. I wish I could be buried in the open fields, rather than in the grim coldness of a churchyard, so that I might anticipate the change, and return more quickly to the life of nature.
Of course I expected the impossible; I wasn’t satisfied with the standard idea of marriage. I wanted to truly be one with you. To oneself, the whole world feels like a stranger. In my intense desire, I used to feel hopeless because I didn’t know you well enough; it broke my heart to know I couldn’t truly understand you, and get to the very core of your being. As far as I know, I have never seen your true self; you feel almost as much like a stranger to me as if I had known you for just an hour. I laid my soul bare to you, hiding nothing—there's a side of you I don’t know and have never seen. We are so completely different; I can't think of a single thing we have in common. Often, during our conversations, when we fall into silence, our thoughts, which started from the same place, go in completely opposite directions. When we start talking again, we realize how far apart our thoughts have drifted. I wanted to know you to the depths of your soul. Oh, I hoped we would be united to share one soul between us; yet even during the simplest moments, I can never know what you’re thinking. Perhaps things might have been different if we had children; they could have created a stronger bond between us, and maybe in their joy, I would have forgotten my unrealistic dreams. But fate isn’t on our side; I come from a flawed lineage. It’s written that the Leys should vanish from the sight of people and return to our mother, the earth, to become part of her again; and who knows what our future holds! I like to think that over time, I might be the wheat in a fertile field or the smoke from a bramble fire on the common. I wish I could be buried in the open fields instead of the cold, grim churchyard, so I could look forward to the change and return to the life of nature more quickly.
Believe me, separation was the only possible outcome. I loved you too passionately to be content with the cold regard which you gave me. Oh, of course I was exacting, and tyrannical, and unkind; I can confess all my faults now; my only excuse is that I was very unhappy. For all the pain I have caused you, I beg you to forgive me. We may as well part friends, and I freely forgive you for all you have made me suffer. Now I can afford also to tell you how near I was to not carrying out my intention. Yesterday and this morning I scarcely held back my tears; the parting seemed too hard, I felt I could not leave you. If you had asked me not to go, if you had even shown the smallest sign of regretting my departure, I think I should have broken down. Yes, I can tell you now, that I would have given anything to stay. Alas! I am so weak. In the train I cried bitterly. It is the first time we have been apart since our marriage, the first time that we have slept under different roofs. But now the worst is over. I have taken the step, and I shall adhere to what I have done. I am sure I have acted for the best. I see no harm in our writing to one another occasionally if it pleases you to receive letters from me. I think I had better not see you, at all events for some time. Perhaps when we are both a good deal older we may, without danger, see one another now and then; but not yet. I should be afraid to see your face.
Believe me, separation was the only choice left. I loved you too deeply to be satisfied with the coldness you showed me. Oh, I know I was demanding, controlling, and unkind; I can admit all my faults now; my only excuse is that I was really unhappy. For all the pain I caused you, I ask for your forgiveness. We might as well part on good terms, and I sincerely forgive you for everything that made me suffer. Now I can also tell you how close I was to changing my mind. Yesterday and this morning, I barely held back my tears; the goodbye felt too hard, and I thought I couldn’t leave you. If you had asked me not to go, or even showed the smallest hint of regretting my departure, I think I would have broken down. Yes, I can tell you now that I would have given anything to stay. Sadly, I am so weak. On the train, I cried hard. This is the first time we've been apart since our marriage, the first time we’ve slept under different roofs. But now the worst is over. I’ve made the decision, and I will stick to it. I'm sure I've done what's best. I see no harm in us writing to each other occasionally if you’d like to receive letters from me. I think it’s better if I don’t see you, at least for a while. Maybe when we're both much older, we can see each other now and then without it being risky; but not yet. I would be afraid to see your face.
Aunt Polly has no suspicion. I can assure you it has been an effort to laugh and talk during the evening, and I was glad to get to my room. Now it is past midnight and I am still writing to you. I felt I ought to let you know my thoughts, and I can tell them more easily by letter than by word of mouth. Does it not show how separated in heart we have become, that I should hesitate to say to you what I think—and I had hoped to have my heart always open to you. I fancied that I need never conceal a thing, nor hesitate to show you every emotion and every thought.—Good-bye.
Aunt Polly doesn’t suspect a thing. I can honestly say it’s been tough to laugh and chat all evening, and I was relieved to finally get to my room. Now it’s past midnight and I’m still writing to you. I felt I should share my thoughts, and it’s easier for me to do that in a letter than in person. Doesn’t it show how distant we’ve become emotionally, that I hesitate to express what I really think to you—and I had hoped to always keep my heart open to you? I thought I would never need to hide anything, or hold back from showing you every feeling and thought. —Good-bye.
BERTHA.
Bertha.
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, S.W.
April 23.
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, S.W.
April 23.
My poor Edward,—You say you hope I shall soon get better and come back to Court Leys. You misunderstand my meaning so completely that I almost laughed. It is true I was out of spirits and tired when I wrote—but that was not the reason of my letter. Cannot you conceive emotions not entirely due to one’s physical condition? You cannot understand me, you never have; and yet I would not take up the vulgar and hackneyed position of a femme incomprise. There is nothing to understand about me. I am very simple and unmysterious. I only wanted love, and you could not give it me. No, our parting is final and irrevocable. What can you want me back for? You have Court Leys and your farms. Every one likes you in the neighbourhood; I was the only bar to your complete happiness. Court Leys I freely give you for my life; until you came it brought in nothing, and the income now arising from it is entirely due to your efforts; you earn it and I beg you to keep it. For me the small income I have from my mother is sufficient.
My poor Edward, — You say you hope I’ll get better soon and come back to Court Leys. You completely misunderstand me, I almost laughed. It’s true I was feeling down and tired when I wrote, but that wasn’t the reason for my letter. Can’t you understand emotions that aren’t just tied to how one feels physically? You don’t get me, and you never have; yet I won’t take the clichéd position of a misunderstood woman. There’s nothing to understand about me. I'm very simple and straightforward. I just wanted love, and you couldn’t give it to me. No, our separation is final and unchangeable. What do you want me back for? You have Court Leys and your farms. Everyone in the neighborhood likes you; I was the only obstacle to your complete happiness. I willingly give you Court Leys for my entire life; before you, it brought in nothing, and the income it now generates is entirely because of your hard work; you’ve earned it and I ask you to keep it. For me, the small amount I get from my mother is enough.
Aunt Polly still thinks I am on a visit, and constantly speaks of you. I throw dust in her eyes, but I cannot hope to keep her in ignorance for long. At present I am engaged in periodically seeing the doctor for an imaginary ill, and getting one or two new things.
Aunt Polly still thinks I’m just visiting and keeps talking about you. I’m trying to keep her in the dark, but I know I won’t be able to for long. Right now, I’m making regular trips to the doctor for a made-up illness and picking up a thing or two.
Shall we write to one another once a week? I know writing is a trouble to you; but I do not wish you to forget me altogether. If you like, I will write to you every Sunday, and you may answer or not as you please.
How about we write to each other once a week? I know writing can be a hassle for you, but I don’t want you to completely forget about me. If you want, I can write to you every Sunday, and you can reply or not, whatever works for you.
BERTHA.
Bertha.
P.S.—Please do not think of any rapprochement. I am
sure you will eventually see that we are both much happier
apart.
P.S.—Please don’t think of any reconciliation. I’m
sure you will eventually realize that we are both much happier
apart.
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, S.W.
May 15.
72 Eliot Mansions, Chelsea, S.W.
May 15.
My dear Eddie,—I was pleased to get your letter. I am a little touched at your wanting to see me. You suggest coming to town—perhaps it is fortunate that I shall be no longer here. If you had expressed such a wish before, much might have gone differently.
My dear Eddie, — I was happy to receive your letter. I’m a bit moved by your desire to see me. You mentioned coming to town—maybe it’s a good thing I won’t be here much longer. If you had mentioned this wish earlier, things might have turned out very differently.
Aunt Polly having let her flat to friends, goes to Paris for the rest of the season. She starts to-night, and I have offered to accompany her. I am sick of London. I do not know whether she suspects anything, but I notice that now she never mentions your name. She looked a little sceptical the other day when I explained that I had long wished to go to Paris, and that you were having the inside of Court Leys painted. Fortunately, however, she makes it a practice not to inquire into other people’s business, and I can rest assured that she will never ask me a single question.
Aunt Polly has rented out her apartment to some friends and is heading to Paris for the rest of the season. She's leaving tonight, and I offered to go with her. I'm tired of London. I can't tell if she suspects anything, but I've noticed she never mentions your name anymore. She seemed a bit doubtful the other day when I said I've wanted to visit Paris for a long time and that you were getting the inside of Court Leys painted. Thankfully, she's not one to pry into other people's affairs, so I can be sure she won't ask me any questions.
Forgive the shortness of this letter, but I am very busy, packing.—Your affectionate wife,
Sorry for the brevity of this letter, but I'm really busy packing. —Your loving wife,
BERTHA.
BERTHA.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
May 16.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
May 16.
My dearest Eddie,—I have been unkind to you. It is nice of you to want to see me, and my repugnance to it was perhaps unnatural. On thinking it over, I cannot think it will do any harm if we should see one another. Of course, I can never come back to Court Leys—there are some chains that having broken you can never weld together; and no fetters are so intolerable as the fetters of love. But if you want to see me I will put no obstacle in your way; I will not deny that I also should like to see you. I am farther away now, but if you care for me at all you will not hesitate to make the short journey.
My dearest Eddie,—I've been unfair to you. It's really kind of you to want to see me, and my reluctance about it was probably unreasonable. After thinking it over, I believe it won’t hurt if we meet up. Of course, I can never return to Court Leys—some bonds, once broken, can never be repaired; and no chains are as unbearable as those of love. But if you want to see me, I won’t stand in your way; I admit I would like to see you too. I might be further away now, but if you care about me at all, you won’t hesitate to make the short trip.
We have here a very nice apartment, in the Latin Quarter, away from the rich people and the tourists. I do not know which is more vulgar, the average tripper or the part of Paris which he infests: I must say they become one another to a nicety. I loathe the shoddiness of the boulevards, with their gaudy cafés over-gilt and over-sumptuous, and their crowds of ill-dressed foreigners. But if you come I can show you a different Paris—a restful and old-fashioned Paris, theatres to which tourists do not go; gardens full of pretty children and nursemaids with long ribbons to their caps. I can take you down innumerable gray streets with funny shops, in old churches where you see people actually praying; and it is all very quiet and calming to the nerves. And I can take you to the Louvre at hours when there are few visitors, and show you beautiful pictures and statues that have come from Italy and Greece, where the gods have their home to this day. Come, Eddie.—Your ever loving wife,
We have a lovely apartment in the Latin Quarter, away from the wealthy and the tourists. I can't decide which is more annoying—the average tourist or the part of Paris they swarm. Honestly, they fit together perfectly. I can’t stand the tackiness of the boulevards, with their overly fancy cafés and crowds of poorly dressed tourists. But if you come, I can show you a different Paris—a peaceful, old-fashioned Paris, with theaters that tourists don’t visit; gardens filled with cheerful kids and nannies with long ribbons in their hats. I can take you down countless gray streets lined with quirky shops, into old churches where people are actually praying; it’s all very quiet and soothing. And I can take you to the Louvre at times when there are few visitors, and show you beautiful paintings and statues from Italy and Greece, where the gods still reside. Come, Eddie.—Your ever loving wife,
BERTHA.
BERTHA.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
May 25.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
May 25.
My dearest Eddie,—I am disappointed that you will not come. I should have thought, if you wanted to see me, you could have found time to leave the farms for a few days. But perhaps it is really better that we should not meet. I cannot conceal from you that sometimes I long for you dreadfully. I forget all that has happened, and desire with all my heart to be with you once more. What a fool I am! I know that we can never meet again, and you are never absent from my thoughts. I look forward to your letters almost madly, and your handwriting makes my heart beat as if I were a schoolgirl. Oh, you don’t know how your letters disappoint me, they are so cold; you never say what I want you to say. It would be madness if we came together—I can only preserve my love to you by not seeing you. Does that sound horrible? And yet I would give anything to see you once more. I cannot help asking you to come here. It is not so very often I have asked you anything. Do come. I will meet you at the station, and you will have no trouble or bother—everything is perfectly simple, and Cook’s Interpreters are everywhere. I’m sure you would enjoy yourself so much.—If you love me, come.
My dearest Eddie, — I’m really disappointed that you won’t be coming. I thought if you wanted to see me, you could have found time to take a break from the farms for a few days. But maybe it’s actually better that we don’t meet. I can’t hide from you that sometimes I miss you terribly. I forget everything that’s happened and desperately want to be with you again. What a fool I am! I know we can never meet again, and you’re always on my mind. I look forward to your letters almost obsessively, and your handwriting makes my heart race like I’m a schoolgirl. Oh, you have no idea how much your letters let me down; they’re so distant; you never say what I want to hear. It would be madness for us to be together—I can only hold onto my love for you by not seeing you. Does that sound awful? And yet I would give anything to see you again. I can’t stop myself from asking you to come here. I haven’t asked you for much. Please come. I’ll meet you at the station, and you won’t have any trouble or hassle—everything is really simple, and Cook’s Interpreters are everywhere. I’m sure you’d have a great time. — If you love me, please come.
BERTHA.
BERTHA.
Court Leys, Blackstable, Kent,
May 30.
Court Leys, Blackstable, Kent,
May 30.
My dearest Bertha,—Sorry I haven’t answered yours of 25th inst. before, but I’ve been up to my eyes in work. You wouldn’t think there could be so much to do on a farm at this time of year, unless you saw it with your own eyes. I can’t possibly get away to Paris, and besides I can’t stomach the French. I don’t want to see their capital, and when I want a holiday, London’s good enough for me. You’d better come back here, people are asking after you, and the place seems all topsy-turvy without you. Love to Aunt P.—In haste, your affectionate husband,
My dear Bertha,—I'm sorry I didn’t respond to your letter from the 25th sooner, but I’ve been swamped with work. You wouldn’t believe how much there is to do on a farm this time of year unless you saw it for yourself. I can’t possibly get away to Paris, and honestly, I’m not a fan of the French. I have no interest in visiting their capital, and when I want a break, London is more than enough for me. You should come back here; people are asking about you, and everything seems chaotic without you. Say hi to Aunt P. for me.—Quickly, your loving husband,
E. CRADDOCK.
E. CRADDOCK.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
June 1.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris,
June 1.
My dearest, dearest Eddie,—You don’t know how disappointed I was to get your letter and how I longed for it. Whatever you do, don’t keep me waiting so long for an answer. I imagined all sorts of things—that you were ill or dying. I was on the point of wiring. I want you to promise me that if you are ever ill, you will let me know. If you want me urgently I shall be pleased to come. But do not think that I can ever come back to Court Leys for good. Sometimes I feel ill and weak and I long for you, but I know I must not give way. I’m sure, for your good as well as for mine, I must never risk the unhappiness of our old life again. It was too degrading. With firm mind and the utmost resolution I swear that I will never, never return to Court Leys.—Your affectionate and loving wife,
My dearest Eddie, —You have no idea how disappointed I was to receive your letter and how much I wished for it. Please don’t keep me waiting so long for a reply. I imagined all kinds of terrible things—that you were sick or worse. I almost sent a wire. I want you to promise me that if you ever get sick, you will let me know. If you need me urgently, I’d be happy to come. But don’t think I can ever return to Court Leys for good. Sometimes I feel weak and miss you, but I know I mustn’t give in to that. For both our sakes, I’m sure I must never risk repeating the unhappiness of our old life. It was too degrading. With a strong mind and the utmost determination, I swear I will never return to Court Leys. —Your loving and affectionate wife,
BERTHA.
BERTHA.
Telegram
Telegram
Gare du Nord, 9.50 a.m., June 2.
Gare du Nord, 9:50 a.m., June 2.
Craddock, Court Leys, Blackstable.
Craddock, Court Leys, Blackstable.
Arriving 7.25 to-night.—BERTHA.
Arriving 7:25 tonight.—BERTHA.
41 Rue des Ecoliers, Paris.
41 Rue des Écoliers, Paris.
My dear young Friend,—I am perturbed. Bertha, as you know, has for the last six weeks lived with me, for reasons the naturalness of which aroused my strongest suspicions. No one, I thought, would need so many absolutely conclusive motives to do so very simple a thing. I resisted the temptation to write to Edward (her husband—a nice man, but stupid!) to ask for an explanation, fearing that the reasons given me were the right ones (although I could not believe it); in which case I should have made myself ridiculous. Bertha in London pretended to go to a physician, but never was seen to take medicine, and I am certain no well-established specialist would venture to take two guineas from a malade imaginaire and not administer copious drugs. She accompanied me to Paris, ostensibly to get dresses, but has behaved as if their fit were of no more consequence than a change of ministry. She has taken great pains to conceal her emotions and thereby made them the more conspicuous. I cannot tell you how often she has gone through the various stages from an almost hysterical elation to an equal despondency. She has mused as profoundly as was fashionable for the young ladies of fifty years ago (we were all young ladies then—not girls!); she has played Tristan and Isolde to the distraction of myself; she has snubbed an amorous French artist to the distraction of his wife; finally she has wept, and after weeping over-powdered her eyes, which in a pretty woman is an infallible sign of extreme mental prostration.
My dear young friend, I'm feeling uneasy. Bertha, as you know, has been living with me for the last six weeks, and the reasons for it raised my suspicions. I thought no one would need so many solid motives to do something so straightforward. I fought the urge to write to Edward (her husband—a nice guy, but not the brightest!) to ask for an explanation, worried that the reasons I was given were actually true (though I couldn’t believe it); if that were the case, I would have looked foolish. Bertha claimed to be going to a doctor in London, but I never saw her take any medicine, and I’m sure no established specialist would take two guineas from a malade imaginaire and not give a bunch of prescriptions. She came to Paris with me, supposedly to shop for dresses, but she’s acted like finding the right fit mattered as little as a change in government. She has worked hard to hide her feelings, which has only made them stand out more. I can't tell you how many times she has gone from almost hysterical happiness to deep despair. She has pondered as deeply as was fashionable for young ladies fifty years ago (we were all young ladies then—not girls!); she has played out the roles of Tristan and Isolde to my annoyance; she has brushed off an infatuated French artist to the frustration of his wife; finally, she has cried, and after crying, she over-powdered her eyes, which is a surefire sign of serious emotional distress in a pretty woman.
This morning when I got up I found at my door the following message: “Don’t think me an utter fool, but I couldn’t stand another day away from Edward. Leaving by the 10 o’clock train.—B.” Now at 10.30 she had an appointment at Paquin’s to try on the most ravishing dinner-dress you could imagine.
This morning when I woke up, I found a message at my door: “Don’t think I’m a complete fool, but I couldn’t bear to be away from Edward for another day. I'm leaving on the 10 o’clock train.—B.” Now at 10:30, she had an appointment at Paquin’s to try on the most stunning dinner dress you can imagine.
I will not insult you by drawing inferences from all these facts: I know you would much sooner draw them yourself, and I have a sufficiently good opinion of you to be certain that they will coincide with mine.—Yours very sincerely,
I won't insult you by making assumptions from all these facts: I know you'd rather draw them yourself, and I have enough respect for you to be sure that your conclusions will match mine.—Yours truly,
MARY LEY.
MARY LEY.
P.S.—I am sending this to await you at Seville. Remember
me to Mrs. J.
P.S.—I am sending this to wait for you in Seville. Please give my regards to Mrs. J.
Chapter XXIII
BERTHA’S relief was unmistakable when she landed on English soil; at last she was near Edward, and she had been extremely sea-sick. Though it was less than thirty miles from Dover to Blackstable the communications were so bad that it was necessary to wait for hours at the port, or take the boat-train to London and then come sixty miles down again. Bertha was exasperated at the delay, forgetting that she was now (thank Heaven!) in a free country, where the railways were not run for the convenience of passengers, but the passengers necessary evils to create dividends for an ill-managed company. Bertha’s impatience was so great that she felt it impossible to wait at Dover; she preferred to go the extra hundred miles and save herself ten minutes rather than spend the afternoon in the dreary waiting-room, or wandering about the town. The train seemed to crawl; and her restlessness became quite painful as she recognized the Kentish country, the fat meadows with trim hedges, the portly trees, and the general air of prosperity.
BERTHA’S relief was clear when she finally stepped foot on English soil; she was close to Edward, and she had been incredibly seasick. Even though it was less than thirty miles from Dover to Blackstable, the travel options were so poor that she had to wait for hours at the port or take the boat-train to London and then make the sixty-mile journey back down. Bertha was frustrated by the delay, forgetting that she was now (thank goodness!) in a free country, where the railways didn't operate for the convenience of passengers; rather, passengers were just necessary to generate profits for a poorly managed company. Her impatience was so intense that she found it impossible to stay in Dover; she preferred to travel an extra hundred miles to save herself ten minutes instead of spending the afternoon in the dull waiting room or wandering around the town. The train felt like it was crawling, and her restlessness grew painfully as she recognized the Kentish countryside, the lush meadows with neat hedges, the stout trees, and the overall sense of prosperity.
Bertha’s thoughts were full of Edward, and he was the whole cause of her impatience. She had hoped, against her knowledge of him, that he would meet her at Dover, and it had been a disappointment not to see him. Then she thought he might have come to London, though not explaining to herself how he could possibly have divined that she would be there. Her heart beat absurdly when she saw a back which might have been Edward’s. Still later, she comforted herself with the idea that he would certainly be at Faversley, which was the next station to Blackstable. When they reached that place she put her head out of window, looking along the platform—but he was nowhere.
Bertha’s mind was always on Edward, and he was the main reason for her impatience. She had hoped, despite knowing better, that he would meet her in Dover, and it was disappointing not to see him. Then she thought he might have come to London, even though she couldn’t figure out how he would have known she would be there. Her heart raced absurdly when she saw a figure that could have been Edward’s. Later on, she reassured herself that he would definitely be at Faversley, the next stop after Blackstable. When they arrived there, she poked her head out of the window, scanning the platform—but he was nowhere to be found.
Now, the train steaming on, she recognised the country more precisely, the desolate marsh and the sea—the line ran almost at the water’s edge; the tide was out, leaving a broad expanse of shining mud, over which the seagulls flew, screeching. Then the houses were familiar, cottages beaten by wind and weather, the Jolly Sailor, where in the old days many a smuggled keg of brandy had been hidden on its way to the cathedral city of Tercanbury. The coastguard station was passed, a long building, trim and low. Finally they rattled across the bridge over the High Street; and the porters with their Kentish drawl, called out, “Blackstable, Blackstable.”
Now, as the train continued on, she recognized the landscape more clearly—the barren marsh and the sea—the line ran almost right at the water’s edge; the tide was out, leaving a wide stretch of shining mud that the seagulls flew over, screeching. Then the houses looked familiar, cottages worn down by wind and weather, the Jolly Sailor, where in the past many a smuggled keg of brandy had been hidden on its way to the cathedral city of Tercanbury. They passed the coastguard station, a long, neat, low building. Finally, they rattled across the bridge over the High Street, and the porters with their Kentish accents called out, “Blackstable, Blackstable.”
Bertha’s emotions were always uncontrolled, and so powerful as sometimes to unfit her for action: now she had hardly strength to open the carriage door.
Bertha's emotions were always intense and so overwhelming that they sometimes left her incapable of taking action; now she barely had the strength to open the carriage door.
“At last!” she cried, with a gasp of relief.
“At last!” she exclaimed, breathing a sigh of relief.
She had never adored her husband so passionately as then, and her love was a physical sensation that turned her faint. The arrival of the moment so anxiously awaited left her half-frightened; she was of those who eagerly look for an opportunity and then can scarcely seize it.
She had never loved her husband as intensely as she did at that moment, and her love felt like a physical sensation that made her dizzy. The long-awaited moment arrived and left her feeling a bit scared; she was the type who eagerly looked for an opportunity but then could hardly take hold of it.
Bertha’s heart was so full that she was afraid of bursting into tears when she at last she should see Edward walking towards her; she had pictured the scene so often, her husband advancing with his swinging stride, waving his stick, the dogs in front, rushing towards her and barking furiously. The two porters waddled with their seaman’s walk to the van to get out the luggage; people were stepping from the carriages. Next to her a pasty-faced clerk descended, in a dingy black, with a baby in his arms; and he was followed by a haggard wife with another baby and innumerable parcels. A labourer sauntered down the platform, three or four sailors, and a couple of infantry-men. They all surged for the wicket, at which stood the ticket-collector. The porters got out the boxes, and the train steamed off; an irascible city man was swearing volubly because his luggage had gone to Margate. (It’s a free country, thank Heaven!) The station-master, in a decorated hat and a self-satisfied air, strolled up to see what was the matter. Bertha looked along the platform wildly. Edward was not there.
Bertha's heart was so full that she was afraid she might burst into tears when she finally saw Edward walking toward her; she had imagined the scene so many times, her husband approaching with his confident stride, waving his cane, the dogs ahead of him, rushing toward her and barking excitedly. The two porters waddled with their sailor-like walk to the van to retrieve the luggage; people were getting out of the carriages. Next to her, a pasty-faced clerk stepped down in a shabby black suit, holding a baby in his arms; he was followed by a weary wife with another baby and countless parcels. A laborer strolled down the platform, three or four sailors, and a couple of infantrymen. They all pushed toward the gate, where the ticket collector was standing. The porters took out the boxes, and the train pulled away; a grumpy city man was swearing loudly because his luggage had ended up in Margate. (It's a free country, thank Heaven!) The station master, wearing a decorated hat and looking quite pleased with himself, walked over to see what was going on. Bertha scanned the platform frantically. Edward was not there.
The station-master passed, and nodded patronisingly.
The station master walked by and gave a condescending nod.
“Have you seen Mr. Craddock?” she asked.
“Have you seen Mr. Craddock?” she asked.
“No, I can’t say I have. But I think there’s a carriage below for you.”
“No, I can’t say I have. But I think there’s a carriage downstairs for you.”
Bertha began to tremble. A porter asked whether he should take her boxes; she nodded, unable to speak. She went down and found the brougham at the station door; the coachman touched his hat and gave her a note.
Bertha started to shake. A porter asked if he should take her bags; she nodded, unable to say a word. She went downstairs and found the carriage at the station door; the driver tipped his hat and handed her a note.
Dear Bertha,—Awfully sorry I can’t come to meet you. I never expected you, so accepted an invitation of Lord Philip Dirk to a tennis tournament, and a ball afterwards. He’s going to sleep me, so I shan’t be back till to-morrow. Don’t get in a wax. See you in the morning.
Dear Bertha, — I’m really sorry I can’t meet you. I didn’t expect you, so I accepted an invitation from Lord Philip Dirk to a tennis tournament and a party afterwards. He’s going to let me stay over, so I won’t be back until tomorrow. Don’t get upset. I’ll see you in the morning.
E. C.
E. C.
Bertha got into the carriage and huddled herself into one corner so that none should see her. At first she scarcely understood; she had spent the last hours at such a height of excitement that the disappointment deprived her of the power of thinking. She never took things reasonably, and was now stunned; what had happened seemed impossible. It was so callous that Edward should go to a tennis-tournament when she was coming home—looking forward eagerly to seeing him. And it was no ordinary home-coming; it was the first time she had ever left him; and then she had gone, hating him, as she thought, for good. But her absence having revived her love, she had returned, yearning for reconciliation. And he was not there; he acted as though she had been to town for a day’s shopping.
Bertha got into the carriage and huddled in one corner so that no one could see her. At first, she barely understood what was happening; she had spent the last few hours so excited that the disappointment left her unable to think. She never processed things rationally, and now she was in shock; what had happened felt impossible. It was so coldhearted of Edward to go to a tennis tournament when she was coming home—eagerly looking forward to seeing him. And this was not just any homecoming; it was the first time she had ever left him, and she had left, thinking she hated him for good. But her time away had reignited her love, and she had returned, longing for reconciliation. And he wasn’t there; he acted as if she had just gone to town for a day of shopping.
“Oh, God, what a fool I was to come!”
“Oh, God, what a fool I was for coming!”
Suddenly she thought of going away there and then—would it not be easier? She felt she could not see him. But there were no trains: the London, Chatham, and Dover Railway has perhaps saved many an elopement. But he must have known how bitterly disappointed she would be, and the idea flashed through her that he would leave the tournament and come home. Perhaps he was already at Court Leys, waiting; she took fresh courage, and looked at the well-remembered scene. He might be at the gate. Oh, what joy it would be, what a relief! But they came to the gate, and he was not there; they drove to the portico, and he was not there. Bertha went into the house expecting to find him in the hall or in the drawing-room, not having heard the carriage, but he was nowhere to be found. And the servants corroborated his letter.
Suddenly, she thought about leaving right then—wouldn’t that be easier? She felt like she couldn't face him. But there were no trains: the London, Chatham, and Dover Railway has probably stopped many elopements. But he must have known how deeply disappointed she would be, and the thought crossed her mind that he might leave the tournament and come home. Maybe he was already at Court Leys, waiting; she gained new courage and looked at the familiar scene. He could be at the gate. Oh, what joy that would be, what a relief! But when they arrived at the gate, he wasn't there; they drove to the portico, and he still wasn't there. Bertha went into the house expecting to find him in the hall or the drawing-room, not having heard the carriage, but he was nowhere to be seen. And the servants confirmed his letter.
The house was empty, chill, and inhospitable; the rooms had an uninhabited air, the furniture was primly rearranged, and Edward had caused antimacassars to be placed on the chairs. These Bertha, to the housemaids’ surprise, took off one by one, and, without a word, threw into the empty fireplace. And still she thought it incredible that Edward should stay away. She sat down to dinner, expecting him every moment; she sat up very late, feeling sure that eventually he would come. But still he came not.
The house was empty, cold, and unwelcoming; the rooms felt deserted, the furniture was neatly arranged, and Edward had made sure antimacassars were placed on the chairs. Bertha, to the maids' surprise, took them off one by one and silently tossed them into the empty fireplace. Yet she still found it hard to believe that Edward was not home. She sat down to dinner, expecting him at any moment; she stayed up very late, convinced he would eventually arrive. But he still did not come.
“I wish to God I’d stayed away.”
“I wish I had just stayed away.”
Her thoughts went back to the struggle of the last few weeks. Pride, anger, reason, everything had been on one side, and only love on the other; and love had conquered. The recollection of Edward had been seldom absent from her, and her dreams had been filled with his image. His letters had caused her an indescribable thrill, the mere sight of his handwriting had made her tremble, and she wanted to see him; she woke up at night with his kisses on her lips. She begged him to come, and he would not or could not. At last the yearning grew beyond control; and that very morning, not having received the letter she awaited, she had resolved to throw off all pretence of resentment, and come. What did she care if Miss Ley laughed, or if Edward scored a victory in the struggle—she could not live without him. He still was her life and her love.
Her mind drifted back to the struggles of the past few weeks. Pride, anger, reason—everything was on one side, while love stood alone on the other; and love had won. She rarely forgot about Edward, and her dreams were filled with his image. His letters gave her an indescribable thrill; just seeing his handwriting made her tremble, and she longed to see him. She woke up at night feeling his kisses on her lips. She pleaded for him to come, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t. Eventually, her longing became unbearable; that very morning, after not receiving the letter she was hoping for, she decided to let go of any pretense of resentment and visit him. What did it matter if Miss Ley laughed or if Edward won this battle—she couldn't live without him. He was still her life and her love.
“Oh, God, I wish I hadn’t come.”
“Oh man, I wish I hadn’t come.”
She remembered how she had prayed that Edward might love her as she wished to be loved, beseeching God to grant her happiness. The passionate rebellion after her child’s death had ceased insensibly, and in her misery, in her loneliness, she had found a new faith. Belief with some comes and goes without reason: with them it is a matter not of conviction, but rather of sensibility; and Bertha found prayer easier in Catholic churches than in the cheerless meeting-houses she had been used to. She could not utter stated words at stated hours in a meaningless chorus; the crowd caused her to shut away her emotions, and her heart could expand only in solitude. In Paris she had found quiet chapels, open at all hours, to which she could go for rest when the sun without was over-dazzling; and in the evening, the dimness, the fragrance of old incense, and the silence, were very restful. Then the only light came from the tapers, burning in gratitude or in hope, throwing a fitful, mysterious glimmer; and Bertha prayed earnestly for Edward and for herself.
She remembered how she had prayed for Edward to love her the way she wanted to be loved, asking God to bring her happiness. The intense anger she felt after her child's death had faded away gradually, and in her sadness and loneliness, she found a new sense of faith. For some, belief comes and goes without reason; for them, it’s not about conviction but more about feeling. Bertha found it easier to pray in Catholic churches than in the dreary meeting houses she was used to. She couldn’t recite set words at set times in a meaningless chorus; the crowd made her close off her emotions, and her heart could only open up when she was alone. In Paris, she discovered quiet chapels, open all hours, where she could go for peace when the glaring sun outside became too much; in the evenings, the soft light, the scent of old incense, and the silence were very calming. The only light came from candles, burning in gratitude or hope, casting a flickering, mysterious glow; and Bertha prayed sincerely for Edward and for herself.
But Edward would not let himself be loved, and her efforts all were useless. Her love was a jewel that he valued not at all, that he flung aside and cared not if he lost. But she was too unhappy, too broken in spirit, to be angry. What was the use of anger? She knew that Edward would see nothing extraordinary in what he had done. He would return, confident, well-pleased with himself after a good night’s rest, and entirely unaware that she had been grievously hurt.
But Edward wouldn’t let himself be loved, and her attempts were all in vain. Her love was like a jewel that he didn’t value at all, that he tossed aside without caring if he lost it. But she was too unhappy, too broken in spirit, to feel angry. What was the point of anger? She understood that Edward wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary in what he had done. He would come back, confident and pleased with himself after a good night’s sleep, completely unaware that she had been deeply hurt.
“I suppose the injustice is on my side. I am too exacting. I can’t help it.”
“I guess the unfairness is on my part. I’m too demanding. I can’t help it.”
She only knew one way to love, and that, it appeared was a foolish way. “Oh, I wish I could go away again now—for ever.”
She only knew one way to love, and it seemed like a naive way. “Oh, I wish I could leave again right now—for good.”
She got up and ate a solitary breakfast, busying herself afterwards in the house. Edward had left word that he would be in to luncheon, and was it not his pride to keep his word? But all her impatience had gone; Bertha felt now no particular anxiety to see him. She was on the point of going out—the air was warm and balmy—but did not, in case Edward should return and be disappointed at her absence.
She got up and had a lonely breakfast, then kept herself occupied with chores around the house. Edward had mentioned that he would be back for lunch, and wasn’t it in his nature to keep his promises? But all her impatience had faded; Bertha now felt no real rush to see him. She was about to go outside—the weather was warm and pleasant—but she decided against it in case Edward came back and felt let down by her absence.
“What a fool I am to think of his feelings! If I’m not in, he’ll just go about his work and think nothing more of me till I appear.”
“What a fool I am to care about his feelings! If I'm not around, he'll just focus on his work and forget all about me until I show up.”
But, notwithstanding, she stayed. He arrived at last, and she did not hurry to meet him; she was putting things away in her bedroom, and continued though she heard his voice below. The difference was curious between her intense and almost painful expectation of the previous day and this present unconcern. She turned as he came in, but did not move towards him.
But still, she stayed. He finally arrived, and she didn’t rush to greet him; she was organizing her things in her bedroom and kept going even though she heard his voice downstairs. It was interesting how different her intense and almost painful anticipation from the day before was compared to her current indifference. She turned as he walked in but didn’t approach him.
“So you’ve come back? Did you enjoy yourself?”
“So you’re back? Did you have a good time?”
“Yes, rather. But I say, it’s ripping to have you home. You weren’t in a wax at my not being here?”
“Yes, definitely. But I have to say, it’s great to have you home. You weren’t upset that I wasn’t here, were you?”
“Oh no,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t mind at all.”
“Oh no,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t mind at all.”
“That’s all right. Of course I’d never been to Lord Philip’s before, and I couldn’t wire the last minute to say that my wife was coming home and I had to meet her.”
"That's fine. Of course, I'd never been to Lord Philip's before, and I couldn't message at the last minute to say that my wife was coming home and I needed to meet her."
“Of course not; it would have made you appear too absurd.”
“Definitely not; it would have made you look too ridiculous.”
“But I was jolly sick, I can tell you. If you’d only let me know a week ago that you were coming, I should have refused the invitation.”
“But I was really sick, I can tell you. If you had just let me know a week ago that you were coming, I would have turned down the invitation.”
“My dear Edward, I’m so unpractical, I never know my own mind, and I’m always doing things on the spur of the moment, to my own inconvenience and other people’s. And I should never have expected you to deny yourself anything for my sake.”
“My dear Edward, I’m so impractical; I never know what I want, and I always make decisions impulsively, which ends up being a hassle for me and others. I should never have thought you would give up anything for me.”
Bertha, perplexed, almost dismayed, looked at her husband with astonishment. She scarcely recognised him. In the three years of their common life Bertha had noticed no change in him, and with her great faculty for idealisation, had carried in her mind always his image, as he appeared when first she saw him, the slender, manly youth of eight-and-twenty. Miss Ley had discerned alterations, and spiteful feminine tongues had said that he was going off dreadfully. But his wife had seen nothing. And the separation had given further opportunities to her fantasy. In absence she had thought of him as the handsomest of men, delighting over his clear features, his fair hair, his inexhaustible youth and strength. The plain facts would have disappointed her even if Edward had retained the looks of his youth, but seeing now as well the other changes, the shock was extreme. It was a different man she saw, almost a stranger. Craddock did not wear well; though but thirty-one, he looked much older. He had broadened and put on flesh, his features had lost their delicacy, and the red of his cheeks was growing coarse. He wore his clothes in a slovenly fashion, and had fallen into a lumbering walk as if his boots were always heavy with clay; and there was in him, besides, the heartiness and intolerant joviality of the prosperous farmer. Edward’s good looks had given Bertha the keenest pleasure, and now, rushing, as was her habit, to the other extreme, she found him almost ugly. This was an exaggeration, for though he was no longer the slim youth of her first acquaintance, he was still, in a heavy, massive way, better looking than the majority of men.
Bertha, confused and almost disheartened, stared at her husband in shock. She barely recognized him. In the three years of their life together, Bertha had seen no change in him, and with her strong imagination, she always held onto his image as he looked when she first met him, the slender, manly young man of twenty-eight. Miss Ley had noticed changes, and spiteful gossip among women had suggested he was aging badly. But his wife had noticed nothing. The time apart had further fueled her imagination. In his absence, she had pictured him as the most handsome of men, delighting in his clear features, fair hair, and boundless youth and strength. The reality would have disappointed her even if Edward had kept his youthful looks, but now seeing all the other changes, the shock was immense. The man before her seemed different, almost like a stranger. Craddock didn't age well; even at thirty-one, he looked much older. He had broadened and gained weight, his features had lost their finesse, and the redness of his cheeks had become coarse. He wore his clothes carelessly and moved in a clumsy way as if his boots were always heavy with mud; there was also a boisterous and overly cheerful quality in him typical of a successful farmer. Edward’s good looks had brought Bertha great joy, and now, rushing to the opposite extreme, she found him almost unattractive. This was an exaggeration, because although he was no longer the slim young man she first knew, he was still, in a heavy, solid way, better looking than most men.
Edward kissed her with marital calm, and the propinquity wafted to Bertha’s nostrils the strong scents of the farmyard, which, no matter what his clothes, hung perpetually about him. She turned away, hardly concealing a little shiver of disgust. Yet they were the same masculine odours as once had made her nearly faint with desire.
Edward kissed her with a calmness that comes from being married, and the closeness brought the strong smells of the farm to Bertha’s nose, which always lingered around him, no matter what he wore. She turned away, barely hiding a slight shiver of disgust. Yet those were the same masculine scents that had once made her almost faint with desire.
Chapter XXIV
BERTHA’S imagination seldom permitted her to see things in anything but a false light; sometimes they were pranked out in the glamour of the ideal, while at others the process was quite reversed. It was astonishing that so short a break should have destroyed the habit of three years; but the fact was plain that Edward had become a stranger, so that she felt it irksome to share the same room with him. She saw him now with jaundiced eyes, and told herself that at last she had discovered his true colours. Poor Edward was paying heavily because the furtive years had robbed him of his locks and given him in exchange a superabundance of fat; because responsibility, the east wind, and good living, had taken the edge off his features and turned his cheeks plethoric.
BERTHA’S imagination rarely allowed her to see things clearly; sometimes they appeared dazzlingly ideal, and at other times the opposite was true. It was surprising that such a short separation could ruin a habit built over three years, but the reality was clear: Edward felt like a stranger, and she found it annoying to share a room with him. She now viewed him with a critical eye, convincing herself that she'd finally seen his true self. Poor Edward was suffering greatly because those hidden years had taken away his hair and replaced it with extra weight; because responsibility, the harsh winds, and indulgent living had dulled his features and made his cheeks round and flushed.
Bertha’s love, indeed, had finally disappeared as suddenly as it had arisen, and she began seriously to loathe her husband. She had acquired a certain part of Miss Ley’s analytic faculty, which now she employed with destructive effect upon Edward’s character. Her absence had increased the danger to Edward in another way, for the air of Paris had exhilarated her and sharpened her wits so that her alertness to find fault was doubled and her impatience with the commonplace and the stupid, extreme. And Bertha soon found that her husband’s mind was not only commonplace, but common. His ignorance no longer seemed touching, but merely shameful; his prejudices no longer amusing but contemptible. She was indignant at having humbled herself so abjectly before a man of such narrowness of mind, of such insignificant character. She could not conceive how she had ever passionately loved him. He was bound in by the stupidest routine. It irritated her beyond measure to see the regularity with which he went through the varying processes of his toilet. She was indignant with his presumption, and self-satisfaction, and conscious rectitude. Edward’s taste was contemptible in books, in pictures, and in music; and his pretentions to judge upon such matters filled Bertha with scorn. At first his deficiencies had not affected her, and later she consoled herself with the obvious truism that a man may be ignorant of all the arts, and yet have every virtue under the sun. But now she was less charitable. Bertha wondered that because her husband could read and write as well as most board-scholars, he should feel himself competent to judge books—even without reading them. Of course it was most unreasonable to blame the poor man for a foible common to the vast majority of mankind. Every one who can hold a pen is confident of his ability to criticise, and to criticise superciliously. It never occurs to the average citizen that, to speak modestly, almost as much art is needed to write a book as to adulterate a pound of tea; nor that the author has busied himself with style and contrast, characterisation, light and shade, and many other things to which the practice of haberdashery, greengrocery, company-promotion, or pork-butchery, is no great key.
Bertha’s love had finally vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, and she began to genuinely dislike her husband. She had picked up some of Miss Ley’s analytical skills, which she now used to harshly critique Edward’s character. Her time away had made things worse for Edward in another way, as the atmosphere in Paris had energized her and sharpened her awareness, making her even more critical of flaws and intolerant of the mundane and foolish. Bertha quickly realized that her husband’s mind was not just ordinary, but dull. His ignorance that once seemed endearing now felt shameful; his prejudices that were once amusing now appeared contemptible. She was outraged that she had belittled herself so severely in front of a man with such a narrow mind and unremarkable character. She couldn’t understand how she had ever loved him so passionately. He was trapped in the most ridiculous routine. It drove her crazy to watch him go through the same tedious steps of getting ready each day. She resented his arrogance, self-satisfaction, and moral certainty. Edward’s taste in books, art, and music was pathetic, and his claims to judge these subjects filled Bertha with disdain. At first, his shortcomings hadn’t bothered her, and she had reassured herself with the cliché that a man could be clueless about the arts yet possess every virtue imaginable. But now she was less forgiving. Bertha wondered why her husband thought he could judge books simply because he could read and write as well as anyone from a boarding school—often without even reading them. Of course, it wasn’t fair to blame him for a flaw that many people share. Anyone who can write feels confident in their ability to critique, often looking down on others. The average person never considers that, to put it simply, almost as much skill goes into writing a book as there is in tampering with a pound of tea; nor do they recognize that the author has invested time in style, contrast, characterization, shading, and many other elements that have no relation to running a haberdashery, grocery store, promoting companies, or butchering pork.
One day, Edward, coming in, caught sight of the yellow paper-cover of a French book that Bertha was reading.
One day, Edward walked in and noticed the yellow paper cover of a French book that Bertha was reading.
“What, at it again?” said he. “You read too much; it’s not good for people to be always reading.”
"What, doing that again?" he said. "You read too much; it's not good for people to always be reading."
“Is that your opinion?”
"Is that how you feel?"
“My idea is that a woman oughtn’t to stuff her head with books. You’d be much better out in the open air or doing something useful.”
“My idea is that a woman shouldn’t fill her head with books. You’d be much better off spending time outside or doing something practical.”
“Is that your opinion?”
"Is that what you think?"
“Well, I should like to know why you’re always reading?”
“Well, I’d really like to know why you’re always reading?”
“Sometimes to instruct myself; always to amuse myself.”
“Sometimes to teach myself; always to entertain myself.”
“Much instruction you’ll get out of an indecent French novel.”
“You're going to learn a lot from a risqué French novel.”
“Well?” he said.
"Well?" he said.
“You’re no wiser, dear Edward?” she asked, with a smile: such a question in such a tone, revenged her for much. “You’re none the wiser? I’m afraid you’re very ignorant. You see I’m not reading a novel, and it is not indecent. They are the letters of a mother to her daughter, models of epistolary style and feminine wisdom.”
“You’re not any wiser, dear Edward?” she asked, smiling: such a question in that tone made up for a lot. “You’re still not wiser? I’m afraid you’re quite clueless. You see, I’m not reading a novel, and it’s not inappropriate. These are letters from a mother to her daughter, examples of great letter-writing and feminine insight.”
Bertha purposely spoke in rather formal and elaborate a manner.
Bertha intentionally spoke in a quite formal and elaborate way.
“Oh,” said Edward, somewhat mystified; feeling that he had been confounded, but certain, none the less, that he was in the right. Bertha smiled provokingly.
“Oh,” Edward said, a bit confused; he felt like he had been outsmarted, but he was still sure he was right. Bertha smiled teasingly.
“Of course,” he said, “I’ve got no objection to your reading if it amuses you.”
“Of course,” he said, “I don't mind you reading if it makes you happy.”
“It’s very good of you to say so.”
“It’s really nice of you to say that.”
“I don’t pretend to have any book-learning; I’m a practical man, and it’s not required. In my business you find that the man who reads books, comes a mucker!”
“I don’t claim to have any formal education; I’m a hands-on person, and it’s not necessary. In my line of work, you see that the guy who reads books ends up being a loser!”
“You seem to think that ignorance is creditable.”
“You seem to think that being ignorant is admirable.”
“It’s better to have a good and pure heart, Bertha, and a clean mind, than any amount of learning.”
“It’s better to have a good and pure heart, Bertha, and a clear mind than to have all the knowledge in the world.”
“It’s better to have a grain of wit than a collection of moral saws.”
“It’s better to have a bit of humor than a bunch of moral clichés.”
“I don’t know what you mean by that, but I’m quite content to be as I am, and I don’t want to know a single foreign language. English is quite good enough for me.”
“I don’t know what you mean by that, but I’m perfectly fine being who I am, and I don’t want to learn any foreign languages. English is just fine for me.”
“So long as you’re a good sportsman and wash yourself regularly, you think you’ve performed the whole duty of man.”
“As long as you’re a good sport and keep yourself clean, you believe you’ve done your entire duty as a person.”
“If there’s one chap I can’t stick, it’s a measly bookworm.”
“If there’s one guy I can’t stand, it’s a pathetic bookworm.”
“I prefer him to the hybrid of a professional cricketer and a Turkish-bath man.”
“I prefer him to a mix of a pro cricketer and a Turkish bath attendant.”
“Does that mean me?”
"Is that referring to me?"
“You can take it to yourself if you like,” said Bertha, smiling, “or apply it to a whole class.... Do you mind if I go on reading?”
“You can keep it for yourself if you want,” Bertha said with a smile, “or use it for an entire group.... Do you mind if I keep reading?”
Bertha took up her book; but Edward was the more argumentatively inclined since he saw he had not so far got the better of the contest.
Bertha picked up her book, but Edward was more inclined to argue since he realized he hadn't won the debate yet.
“Well, what I must say is, if you want to read, why can’t you read English books? Surely there are enough. I think English people ought to stick to their own country. I don’t pretend to have read any French books, but I’ve never heard anybody deny, that at all events the great majority are indecent, and not the sort of thing a woman should read.”
“Well, what I have to say is, if you want to read, why can't you read English books? There are definitely enough available. I think English people should stay in their own country. I don’t claim to have read any French books, but I’ve never heard anyone argue that, anyway, the vast majority are inappropriate and not the kind of thing a woman should read.”
“It’s always incautious to judge from common report,” answered Bertha, without looking up.
“It’s always unwise to judge based on hearsay,” Bertha replied without looking up.
“And now that the French are always behaving so badly to us, I should like to see every French book in the kingdom put into a huge bonfire. I’m sure it would be all the better for we English people. What we want now is purity and reconstitution of the national life. I’m in favour of English morals, and English homes, English mothers, and English habits.”
“And now that the French are always treating us so poorly, I’d like to see every French book in the kingdom tossed into a huge bonfire. I’m sure it would be better for us English people. What we need now is purity and a revival of national life. I’m all for English morals, English homes, English mothers, and English habits.”
“What always astounds me, dear, is that though you invariably read the Standard you always talk like the Family Herald!”
“What always amazes me, dear, is that even though you always read the Standard, you still speak like the Family Herald!”
Bertha paid no further attention to Edward, who thereupon began to talk with his dogs. Like most frivolous persons he found silence onerous, and Bertha thought it disconcerted him by rendering evident even to himself, the vacuity of his mind. He talked with every animate thing, with the servants, with his pets, with the cat and the birds; he could not read even a newspaper without making a running commentary upon it.
Bertha ignored Edward, who then started chatting with his dogs. Like many shallow people, he found silence burdensome, and Bertha believed it made him aware of his own empty thoughts. He talked to everything alive, to the servants, to his pets, to the cat and the birds; he couldn't even read a newspaper without commenting on it as he went along.
It was only a substantial meal that could induce even a passing taciturnity. Sometimes his unceasing chatter irritated Bertha so intensely that she was obliged to beg him, for heaven’s sake, to hold his tongue. Then he would look up, with a good-natured laugh.
It was only a big meal that could bring about even a brief quietness. Sometimes his nonstop talking annoyed Bertha so much that she had to plead with him, for heaven's sake, to be quiet. Then he would look up and laugh good-naturedly.
“Was I making a row? Sorry; I didn’t know it.”
“Was I being too loud? Sorry; I didn’t realize.”
He remained quiet for ten minutes and then began to hum some obvious melody, than which there is no more detestable habit.
He stayed quiet for ten minutes and then started humming some familiar tune, which is one of the most annoying habits there is.
Indeed the points of divergence between the pair were innumerable. Edward was a person who had the courage of his opinions, and these he held with a firmness equal to his lack of knowledge. He disliked also whatever was not clear to his somewhat narrow intelligence, and was inclined to think it immoral. Music, for instance, in his opinion was an English art, carried to the highest pitch in certain very simple melodies of his childhood. Bertha played the piano well and sang with a cultivated voice, but Edward objected to her performances because, whether she sang or whether she played, there was never a rollicking tune that a fellow could get his teeth into. It must be confessed that Bertha exaggerated, and that when a dull musical afternoon was given in the neighbourhood, she took a malicious pleasure in playing some long recitative form of a Wagner opera, which no one could make head or tail of.
Indeed, the differences between the two were countless. Edward was someone who had the courage of his opinions, which he held onto with a firmness that matched his ignorance. He also disliked anything that wasn't clear to his somewhat limited understanding, and he tended to view it as immoral. Music, for example, in his view was an English art, perfected in some very simple melodies from his childhood. Bertha played the piano well and sang with a trained voice, but Edward criticized her performances because, whether she sang or played, there was never a catchy tune that a guy could really connect with. It has to be said that Bertha did exaggerate, and when a dull musical afternoon rolled around in the neighborhood, she took a bit of twisted joy in playing some long, drawn-out recitative from a Wagner opera that nobody could make sense of.
On such an occasion at the Glovers, the eldest Miss Hancock turned to Edward and remarked upon his wife’s admirable playing. Edward was a little annoyed, because every one had vigorously applauded, and to him the sounds had been quite meaningless.
On one of those occasions at the Glovers', the eldest Miss Hancock turned to Edward and commented on how well his wife played. Edward felt a bit irritated because everyone had applauded enthusiastically, but to him, the music had sounded utterly meaningless.
“Well, I’m a plain man,” he said, “and I don’t mind confessing that I never can understand the stuff Bertha plays.”
“Well, I’m a simple guy,” he said, “and I don’t mind admitting that I can never wrap my head around the music Bertha plays.”
“Oh, Mr. Craddock, not even Wagner?” said Miss Hancock, who had been as bored as Edward, but would not for worlds have confessed it; holding the contrary modest opinion, that the only really admirable things are those you can’t understand.
“Oh, Mr. Craddock, not even Wagner?” said Miss Hancock, who had been as bored as Edward but would never admit it; holding the contrary belief that the only truly admirable things are those you can’t comprehend.
Bertha looked at him, remembering her dream that they should sit at the piano together in the evening and play for hour after hour: as a matter of fact, he had always refused to budge from his chair and had gone to sleep regularly.
Bertha looked at him, recalling her dream that they would sit at the piano together in the evening and play for hours on end: in reality, he had always refused to move from his chair and would regularly fall asleep.
“My idea of music is like Dr. Johnson’s,” said Edward, looking round for approval.
“My idea of music is like Dr. Johnson’s,” Edward said, glancing around for approval.
“Is Saul also among the prophets?” murmured Bertha.
“Is Saul also among the prophets?” Bertha whispered.
“When I hear a difficult piece I wish it was impossible.”
“When I hear a tough piece, I wish it were impossible.”
“You sing now, Edward,” said Miss Glover; “we’ve not heard you for ever so long.”
“You sing now, Edward,” said Miss Glover; “we haven’t heard you in ages.”
“Oh, bless you,” he retorted, “my singing’s too old fashioned. My songs have all got a tune in them and some feeling—they’re only fit for the kitchen.”
“Oh, thank you,” he replied, “my singing's too outdated. My songs all have a melody and some emotion—they're only good for the kitchen.”
“Oh, please give us Ben Bolt,” said Miss Hancock, “we’re all so fond of it.”
“Oh, please give us Ben Bolt,” said Miss Hancock, “we all love it so much.”
Edward’s repertory was limited, and every one knew his songs by heart.
Edward's song list was small, and everyone knew his songs by heart.
“Anything to oblige,” he said.
"Anything to help," he said.
He was, as a matter of fact, fond of singing, and applause was always grateful to his ears.
He actually loved singing, and applause was always music to his ears.
“Shall I accompany you, dear?” said Bertha.
“Should I come with you, dear?” said Bertha.
Once upon a time Bertha had found a subtle charm in these pleasing sentiments and in the honest melody which adorned them; but it was not to be wondered if constant repetition had left her a little callous. Edward sang the ditty with a simple, homely style—which is the same as saying, with no style at all—and he employed therein much pathos. But Bertha’s spirit was not forgiving, she owed him some return for the gratuitous attack on her playing; and the idea came to her to improve upon the accompaniment with little trills and flourishes which amused her immensely, but quite disconcerted her husband. Finally, just when his voice was growing flat with emotion over the gray-haired schoolmaster who had died, she wove in the strains of the Blue Bells of Scotland and God Save the Queen, so that Edward broke down. For once his even temper was disturbed.
Once upon a time, Bertha found a subtle charm in these nice sentiments and in the honest melody that accompanied them; but it was no surprise that constant repetition had made her a bit indifferent. Edward sang the song with a simple, down-to-earth style—which is basically saying, with no style at all—and he infused it with a lot of emotion. But Bertha wasn’t feeling very forgiving; she felt she owed him something for his uninvited critique of her playing. So, the idea popped into her head to spice up the accompaniment with little trills and flourishes that amused her a lot but completely threw her husband off. Finally, just when his voice was losing its strength with emotion over the gray-haired schoolmaster who had passed away, she mixed in the melodies of the Blue Bells of Scotland and God Save the Queen, causing Edward to break down. For once, his usually calm demeanor was shaken.
“I’m very sorry,” laughed Bertha. “I forgot what I was doing. Let’s begin all over again.”
"I'm really sorry," Bertha laughed. "I totally lost my train of thought. Let’s start over."
“No, I’m not going to sing any more. You spoil the whole thing.”
“No, I’m not going to sing anymore. You ruin the whole thing.”
“Mrs. Craddock has no heart,” said Miss Hancock.
“Mrs. Craddock has no heart,” said Miss Hancock.
“I don’t think it’s fair to laugh at an old song like this,” said Edward. “After all any one can sneer.... My idea of music is something that stirs one’s heart—I’m not a sentimental chap, but Ben Bolt almost brings the tears to my eyes every time I sing it.”
“I don’t think it’s fair to laugh at an old song like this,” Edward said. “After all, anyone can sneer... My idea of music is something that touches your heart—I’m not a sentimental guy, but Ben Bolt almost brings tears to my eyes every time I sing it.”
Bertha with difficulty abstained from retorting that sometimes she also felt inclined to weep—especially when he sang out of tune. Every one looked at her, as if she had behaved very badly, while she calmly smiled at Edward. But she was not amused. On the way home she asked him if he knew why she had spoilt his song.
Bertha struggled to hold back her urge to respond that sometimes she felt like crying too—especially when he sang off-key. Everyone stared at her, as if she had done something really wrong, while she gave Edward a calm smile. But she wasn’t actually amused. On the way home, she asked him if he knew why she had ruined his song.
“I’m sure I don’t know—unless you were in one of your beastly tempers. I suppose you’re sorry now.”
“I really have no idea—unless you were in one of your bad moods. I guess you feel sorry about it now.”
“Not at all,” she answered, laughing. “I thought you were rude to me just before, and I wanted to punish you a little. Sometimes you’re really too supercilious.... And besides that, I object to being found fault with in public. You will have the goodness in future to keep your strictures till we are alone.”
“Not at all,” she replied, laughing. “I thought you were rude to me just now, and I wanted to teach you a little lesson. Sometimes you can be just too arrogant.... And besides, I don’t like being criticized in public. In the future, please save your critiques for when we’re alone.”
“I should have thought you could stand a bit of good-natured chaff by now.”
“I figured you could handle a little friendly teasing by now.”
“Oh, I can, dear Edward. Only, perhaps, you may have noticed that I am fairly quick at defending myself.”
“Oh, I can, dear Edward. But you might have noticed that I'm pretty good at defending myself.”
“What d’you mean by that?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Merely that I can be horrid when I like, and you will be wise not to expose yourself to a public snub.”
“Just know that I can be awful when I want to, and it would be smart of you not to put yourself in a position to get embarrassed in public.”
Edward had never heard from his wife a threat so calmly administered, and it somewhat impressed him.
Edward had never heard a threat from his wife delivered so calmly, and it definitely made an impact on him.
But as a general rule, Bertha checked the sarcasm which constantly rose to her tongue. She treasured in her heart the wrath and hatred which her husband occasioned, feeling that it was a satisfaction at last to be free from love of him. Looking back, the fetters which had bound her were intolerably heavy. And it was a sweet revenge, although he knew nothing of it, to strip the idol of his ermine cloak, and of his crown, and the gew-gaws of his sovereignty. In his nakedness he was a pitiable figure.
But usually, Bertha held back the sarcasm that constantly bubbled up in her. In her heart, she cherished the anger and resentment her husband caused, feeling a sense of satisfaction in finally being free from her love for him. Looking back, the chains that had held her were unbearably heavy. And it was a satisfying revenge, even though he was completely unaware, to strip away the idol’s royal cloak, his crown, and the trinkets of his power. In his bare state, he was a pitiful sight.
Edward of all this was totally unconscious. He was like a lunatic reigning in a madhouse over an imaginary kingdom; he did not see the curl of Bertha’s lips upon some foolish remark of his, nor the contempt with which she treated him. And since she was a great deal less exacting, he found himself far happier than before. The ironic philosopher might find some cause for moralising in the fact that it was not till Bertha began to hate Edward that he found marriage entirely satisfactory. He told himself that his wife’s stay abroad had done her no end of good, and made her far more amenable to reason. Mr. Craddock’s principles, of course, were quite right; he had given her plenty of run and ignored her cackle, and now she had come home to roost. There is nothing like a knowledge of farming, and an acquaintance with the habits of domestic animals, to teach a man how to manage his wife.
Edward was completely unaware of all this. He was like a madman ruling over an imaginary kingdom in a crazy house; he didn't notice the curl of Bertha’s lips at one of his silly comments or the disdain with which she treated him. Since she was a lot less demanding, he found himself much happier than before. The ironic philosopher might find it worth mentioning that it wasn’t until Bertha started to despise Edward that he found marriage completely satisfying. He convinced himself that his wife’s time abroad had done her a lot of good and made her much more reasonable. Mr. Craddock’s views were definitely sound; he had given her plenty of freedom and ignored her chatter, and now she had come back to him. Knowing about farming and understanding domestic animals really helps a man learn how to handle his wife.
Chapter XXV
IF the gods, who scatter wit in sundry unexpected places, so that it is sometimes found beneath the bishop’s mitre and, once in a thousand years, beneath a king’s crown, had given Edward two-pennyworth of that commodity, he would undoubtedly have been a great as well as a good man. Fortune smiled upon him uninterruptedly; he enjoyed the envy of his neighbours; he farmed with profit, and, having tamed the rebellious spirit of his wife, he rejoiced in domestic felicity. And it must be noticed that he was rewarded only according to his deserts. He walked with upright spirit and contented mind along the path which it had pleased a merciful Providence to set before him. He was lighted on the way by a strong Sense of Duty, by the Principles which he had acquired at his Mother’s Knee, and by a Conviction of his own Merit. Finally, a deputation waited on him to propose that he should stand for the County Council election which was shortly to be held. He had been unofficially informed of the project, and received Mr. Atthill Bacot with seven committee men, in his frock-coat and a manner full of responsibility. He told them he could do nothing rashly, must consider the matter, and would inform them of his decision. But Edward had already made up his mind to accept, and having shown the deputation to the door, went to Bertha.
IF the gods, who spread wisdom in various unexpected places, so that it is sometimes found under the bishop’s mitre and, once in a blue moon, under a king’s crown, had given Edward a little bit of that wisdom, he would definitely have been both a great man and a good man. Luck was consistently on his side; he enjoyed the envy of his neighbors; he ran his farm successfully, and after finally taming his wife’s rebellious spirit, he was happy at home. It’s worth mentioning that he was rewarded only based on his true worth. He walked with an upright spirit and a content mind along the path that a merciful Providence had laid out for him. He was guided by a strong sense of duty, by the principles he learned as a child, and by a belief in his own abilities. Then, a group came to him to suggest he run for the County Council election that was coming up soon. He had heard unofficially about their plan and greeted Mr. Atthill Bacot along with seven committee members in his frock coat and a serious demeanor. He told them he couldn’t make any rash decisions, needed to think it over, and would let them know what he decided. But Edward had already decided to accept, and after showing the group to the door, he went to find Bertha.
“Things are looking up,” he said, having given her the details. The Blackstable district for which Edward was invited to stand, being composed chiefly of fishermen, was intensely Radical. “Old Bacot said I was the only Moderate candidate who’d have a chance.”
“Things are looking good,” he said after giving her the details. The Blackstable district where Edward was invited to run, mainly made up of fishermen, was strongly Radical. “Old Bacot said I was the only Moderate candidate who’d have a shot.”
“It’s a ripping thing for me, isn’t it?”
“It’s such an amazing thing for me, isn’t it?”
“But you’re not thinking of accepting?”
“But you’re not really considering accepting, are you?”
“Not? Of course I am. What do you think!” This was not an inquiry, but an exclamation.
“Not? Of course I am. What do you think!” This wasn’t a question, but an exclamation.
“You’ve never gone in for politics; you’ve never made a speech in your life.”
“You’ve never been into politics; you’ve never given a speech in your life.”
She thought he would make an abject fool of himself, and for her sake, as well as for his, decided to prevent him from standing. “He’s too ignorant!” she thought.
She thought he would completely embarrass himself, and for both their sakes, decided to stop him from standing up. “He’s too clueless!” she thought.
“What! I’ve made speeches at cricket dinners; you set me on my legs and I’ll say something.”
“What! I’ve given speeches at cricket dinners; get me on my feet and I’ll say something.”
“But this is different—you know nothing about the County Council.”
“But this is different—you don’t know anything about the County Council.”
“All you have to do is to look after steam-rollers and get glandered horses killed. I know all about it.”
“All you need to do is take care of the steamrollers and have the sick horses put down. I know all about it.”
There is nothing so difficult as to persuade men that they are not omniscient. Bertha, exaggerating the seriousness of the affair, thought it charlantry to undertake a post without knowledge and without capacity. Fortunately that is not the opinion of the majority, or the government of this enlightened country could not proceed.
There’s nothing harder than convincing people that they don’t know everything. Bertha, amplifying the seriousness of the situation, believed it was foolish to take on a role without understanding or ability. Luckily, that’s not the view of most people, or the government of this progressive country couldn’t operate.
“I should have thought you’d be glad to see me get a lift in the world,” said Edward, somewhat offended that his wife did not fall down and worship.
“I thought you’d be happy to see me move up in the world,” said Edward, a bit offended that his wife didn’t react with more enthusiasm.
“I don’t want you to make a fool of yourself, Edward. You’ve told me often that you don’t go in for book-learning; and it can’t hurt your feelings when I say that you’re utterly ignorant. I don’t think its honest to take a position you’re not competent to fill.”
“I don’t want you to make a fool of yourself, Edward. You’ve told me many times that you’re not into studying; and it won’t hurt your feelings when I say that you’re completely clueless. I don’t think it’s honest to take a position you’re not qualified for.”
“Me—not competent?” cried Edward, with surprise. “That’s a good one! Upon my word, I’m not given to boasting, but I must say I think myself competent to do most things.... You just ask old Bacot what he thinks of me, and that’ll open your eyes. The fact is, every one appreciates me but you: but they say a man’s never a hero to his valet.”
“Me—not capable?” Edward exclaimed, surprised. “That’s a funny one! Honestly, I’m not one to brag, but I really think I’m good at most things.... Just ask old Bacot what he thinks of me, and that’ll surprise you. The truth is, everyone appreciates me except you: they say a man is never a hero to his valet.”
“Humiliation, where? Pooh, you think I shan’t get elected. Well, look here, I bet you any money you like that I shall come out top of the poll.”
“Humiliation, where? Please, you think I won’t get elected. Well, check this out, I’ll bet you any amount of money that I'll come out on top of the poll.”
Next day Edward wrote to Mr. Bacot expressing pleasure that he was able to fall in with the views of the Conservative Association; and Bertha, who knew that no argument could turn him from his purpose, determined to coach him, so that he should not make too arrant a fool of himself. Her fears were proportionate to her estimate of Edward’s ability! She sent to London for pamphlets and blue-books on the rights and duties of the County Council, and begged Edward to read them. But in his self-confident manner he pooh-poohed her, and laughed when she read them herself so as to be able to teach him.
The next day, Edward wrote to Mr. Bacot, saying how happy he was to agree with the views of the Conservative Association. Bertha, knowing that no amount of reasoning would change his mind, decided to prepare him so he wouldn't make too big of a fool of himself. Her concerns were in line with how much she thought of Edward’s abilities! She ordered pamphlets and blue-books from London about the rights and responsibilities of the County Council and urged Edward to read them. But in his usual self-assured way, he dismissed her and laughed when she read them aloud to teach him.
“I don’t want to know all that rot,” he cried. “All a man wants is gumption. Why, d’you suppose a man who goes in for parliament knows anything about politics? Of course he doesn’t.”
“I don’t want to hear all that nonsense,” he shouted. “All a guy needs is common sense. Do you really think a man who runs for parliament knows anything about politics? Of course he doesn’t.”
Bertha was indignant that her husband should be so well satisfied in his illiteracy, and that he stoutly refused to learn. It is only when a man knows a good deal that he discovers how unfathomable is his ignorance. Edward, knowing so little, was convinced that there was little to know, and consequently felt quite assured that he knew all which was necessary. He might more easily have been persuaded that the moon was made of green cheese than that he lacked the very rudiments of knowledge.
Bertha was upset that her husband was so content with being illiterate and that he stubbornly refused to learn. It's only when someone knows a lot that they realize how much they don't know. Edward, knowing so little, believed that there wasn't much to know, and therefore felt completely sure that he knew everything he needed to. He could have been more easily convinced that the moon was made of green cheese than to accept that he lacked even the basics of knowledge.
The County Council elections in London were also being held at that time, and Bertha, hoping to give Edward useful hints, diligently read the oratory which they occasioned. But he refused to listen.
The County Council elections in London were happening at the same time, and Bertha, hoping to give Edward useful tips, carefully read the speeches that resulted from them. But he wouldn’t listen.
“I don’t want to crib other men’s stuff. I’m going to talk on my own.”
“I don’t want to copy other people’s stuff. I’m going to speak for myself.”
“Why don’t you write out a speech and get it by heart?”
“Why don’t you write a speech and memorize it?”
“Old Bacot says when he makes a speech, he always trusts to the spur of the moment. He says that Fox made his best speeches when he was blind drunk.”
“Old Bacot says that when he gives a speech, he always relies on what comes to him in the moment. He claims that Fox delivered his best speeches when he was completely wasted.”
“D’you know who Fox was?” asked Bertha.
“Do you know who Fox was?” asked Bertha.
“Some old buffer or other who made speeches.”
“Some old dude or whatever who gave speeches.”
The day arrived when Edward for the first time was to address his constituents, in the Blackstable town-hall; and for a week past placards had been pasted on every wall and displayed in every shop, announcing the glad news. Mr. Bacot came to Court Leys, rubbing his hands.
The day came when Edward was set to speak to his constituents for the first time at the Blackstable town hall, and for the past week, signs had been put up on every wall and shown in every store, sharing the exciting news. Mr. Bacot arrived at Court Leys, rubbing his hands together.
“We shall have a full house. It’ll be a big success. The hall will hold four hundred people and I think there won’t be standing room. I dare say you’ll have to address an overflow meeting at the Forresters Hall afterwards.”
“We’re going to have a packed house. It’s going to be a huge success. The hall can fit four hundred people, and I don’t think there will be any standing room. I bet you’ll have to give a speech at the overflow meeting at the Forresters Hall afterward.”
“I’ll address any number of meetings you like,” replied Edward.
“I’m open to any meetings you want,” replied Edward.
Bertha grew more and more nervous. She anticipated a horrible collapse; they did not know—as she did—how limited was Edward’s intelligence! She wanted to stay at home so as to avoid the ordeal, but Mr. Bacot had reserved for her a prominent seat on the platform.
Bertha grew increasingly anxious. She feared a terrible disaster; they didn’t realize—as she did—how limited Edward’s intelligence was! She wished she could stay home to avoid the stress, but Mr. Bacot had saved her a prominent spot on the stage.
“Are you nervous, Eddie?” she said, feeling more kindly disposed to him from his approaching trial.
“Are you nervous, Eddie?” she asked, feeling more sympathetic towards him because of his upcoming trial.
“Me, nervous? What have I got to be nervous about?”
“Me, nervous? What do I have to be nervous about?”
The hall was indeed crammed with the most eager, smelly, enthusiastic crowd Bertha had ever seen. The gas-jets flared noisily, throwing crude lights on the people, sailors, tradesmen, labourers, and boys. On the platform, in a semi-circle like the immortal gods, sat the notabilities of the neighborhood, Conservatives to the backbone. Bertha looked round with apprehension, but tried to calm herself with the thought that they were stupid people and she had no cause to tremble before them.
The hall was packed with the most eager, smelly, enthusiastic crowd Bertha had ever seen. The gas lamps flared loudly, casting harsh light on the people: sailors, tradesmen, laborers, and boys. On the platform, arranged in a semi-circle like immortal gods, sat the prominent figures of the neighborhood, staunch Conservatives. Bertha looked around anxiously but tried to reassure herself with the thought that they were foolish people and she had no reason to be scared of them.
Presently the Vicar took the chair and in a few well-chosen words introduced Mr. Craddock.
Presently, the Vicar sat down and, in a few carefully chosen words, introduced Mr. Craddock.
Now Edward rose to his feet, and Bertha’s blood ran cold. She dared not look at the audience. He advanced with his hands in his pockets—he had insisted on dressing himself up in a frock-coat and the most dismal pepper-and-salt trousers.
Now Edward stood up, and Bertha felt a chill. She couldn't bring herself to look at the audience. He walked forward with his hands in his pockets—he had insisted on putting on a fancy coat and the most depressing pepper-and-salt trousers.
“Mr. Chairman, Ladies and Gentlemen—Unaccustomed to public speaking as I am....”
“Mr. Chairman, Ladies and Gentlemen—I’m not used to public speaking, but...”
Bertha looked up with a start. Could a man at the end of the nineteenth century, seriously begin an oration with those words! But he was not joking; he went on gravely, and, looking around, Bertha caught not the shadow of a smile. Edward was not in the least nervous, he quickly got into the swing of his speech—and it was terrible! He introduced every hackneyed phrase he knew, he mingled slang incongruously with pompous language; and his silly jokes, chestnuts of great antiquity, made Bertha writhe and shudder. She wondered that he could go on with such self-possession. Did he not see that he was making himself perfectly absurd! She dared not look up for fear of catching the sniggers of Mrs. Branderton and of the Hancocks: “One sees what he was before he married Miss Ley. Of course he’s a quite uneducated man.... I wonder his wife did not prevent him from making such an exhibition of himself. The grammar of it, my dear; and the jokes, and the stories!!!”
Bertha looked up, startled. Could a man at the end of the nineteenth century really start a speech with those words? But he wasn’t joking; he continued earnestly, and as Bertha glanced around, she didn’t see a hint of a smile. Edward wasn’t nervous at all; he quickly got into the flow of his speech—and it was terrible! He used every cliché he could think of, mixing slang awkwardly with pompous language; and his silly, outdated jokes made Bertha squirm. She couldn’t believe he could continue with such confidence. Didn’t he realize he was making himself look ridiculous? She didn’t dare look up for fear of catching the snickers from Mrs. Branderton and the Hancocks: “You can tell what he was like before he married Miss Ley. Of course, he’s completely uneducated... I wonder why his wife didn’t stop him from embarrassing himself like this. The grammar, my dear; and the jokes, and the stories!!!”
Bertha clenched her hands, furious because the flush of shame would not leave her cheeks. The speech was even worse than she had expected. He used the longest words, and, getting entangled in his own verbosity, was obliged to leave his sentence unfinished. He began a period with an elaborate flourish and waddled in confusion to the tamest commonplace: he was like a man who set out to explore the Andes and then, changing his mind, took a stroll in the Burlington Arcade. How long would it be, asked Bertha, before the audience broke into jeers and hisses? She blessed them for their patience. And what would happen afterwards? Would Mr. Bacot ask Edward to withdraw from the candidature? And supposing Edward refused, would it be necessary to tell him that he was really too great a fool? Bertha saw already the covert sneers of her neighbours.
Bertha clenched her hands, furious because the flush of shame wouldn't leave her cheeks. The speech was even worse than she had expected. He used the longest words and, getting tangled up in his own rambling, was forced to leave his sentence unfinished. He started off with a fancy introduction and then awkwardly stumbled to the simplest point: he was like someone who set out to explore the Andes and then, changing his mind, took a walk in the Burlington Arcade. How long would it be, Bertha wondered, before the audience started booing and hissing? She was grateful for their patience. And what would happen afterward? Would Mr. Bacot ask Edward to drop out of the race? And if Edward refused, would it be necessary to tell him that he was a complete fool? Bertha could already see the hidden smirks of her neighbors.
“Oh, I wish he’d finish!” she muttered between her teeth. The agony, the humiliation of it, were unendurable.
“Oh, I wish he’d just finish!” she muttered through clenched teeth. The agony, the humiliation of it, were unbearable.
But Edward was still talking, and gave no signs of an approaching termination. Bertha thought miserably that he had always been long-winded: if he would only sit down quickly the failure might not be irreparable. He made a vile pun and every one cried, Oh! Oh! Bertha shivered and set her teeth; she must bear it to the end now—why wouldn’t he sit down? Then Edward told an agricultural story, and the audience shouted with laughter. A ray of hope came to Bertha: perhaps his absolute vulgarity might save him with the vulgar people who formed the great body of the audience. But what must the Brandertons, and the Molsons, and the Hancocks, and all the rest of them, be saying? They must utterly despise him.
But Edward was still talking and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Bertha thought sadly that he had always been so wordy: if he would just sit down quickly, maybe the damage wouldn’t be too bad. He made a terrible pun, and everyone gasped, "Oh! Oh!" Bertha shivered and gritted her teeth; she had to endure it till the end now—why wouldn’t he just sit down? Then Edward shared a farming story, and the audience erupted in laughter. A glimmer of hope flickered in Bertha: maybe his sheer crudeness could win over the common crowd that made up most of the audience. But what must the Brandertons, the Molsons, the Hancocks, and all the others be thinking? They must utterly despise him.
But worse was to follow. Edward came to his peroration, and a few remarks on current politics (of which he was entirely ignorant) brought him to his Country, England, Home and Beauty. He turned the tap of patriotism full on; it gurgled in a stream. He blew the penny trumpets of English purity, and the tin whistles of the British Empire, and he beat the big drum of the Great Anglo-Saxon Race. He thanked God he was an Englishman, and not as others are. Tommy Atkins, and Jack Tar, and Mr. Rudyard Kipling, danced a jig to the strains of the British Grenadiers; and Mr. Joseph Chamberlain executed a pas seul to the air of Yankee Doodle. Lastly, he waved the Union Jack.
But worse was yet to come. Edward reached his conclusion, and a few comments about current politics (which he knew nothing about) led him to his country, England, and the ideas of home and beauty. He turned on the full blast of patriotism; it streamed out in a rush. He blew the tiny trumpets of English purity and the tin whistles of the British Empire, while he pounded the big drum of the Great Anglo-Saxon Race. He thanked God he was an Englishman, unlike others. Tommy Atkins, Jack Tar, and Mr. Rudyard Kipling danced a jig to the tune of the British Grenadiers; and Mr. Joseph Chamberlain performed a solo to the melody of Yankee Doodle. Finally, he waved the Union Jack.
The hideous sentimentality, and the bad taste and the commonness made Bertha ashamed: it was horrible to think how ignoble must be the mind of a man who could foul his mouth with the expression of such sentiments.
The awful sentimentality, along with the bad taste and the ordinary nature, made Bertha feel ashamed: it was terrible to consider how low a man's mind must be to speak such sentiments.
“Good old Teddy,” cried a voice. And then the air was filled with: For he’s a jolly good fellow. Mrs. Branderton stood on a chair and waved her handkerchief; Miss Glover clapped her hands as if she were no longer an automaton.
“Good old Teddy,” shouted a voice. And then the air was filled with: For he’s a jolly good fellow. Mrs. Branderton stood on a chair and waved her handkerchief; Miss Glover clapped her hands as if she were no longer a robot.
“Wasn’t it perfectly splendid?” she whispered to Bertha.
“Wasn’t it absolutely amazing?” she whispered to Bertha.
Every one on the platform was in a frenzy of delight. Mr. Bacot warmly shook Edward’s hand. Mrs. Mayston Ryle fanned herself desperately. The scene may well be described, in the language of journalists, as one of unparalleled enthusiasm. Bertha was dumbfounded.
Everyone on the platform was ecstatic. Mr. Bacot warmly shook Edward's hand. Mrs. Mayston Ryle fanned herself frantically. The scene could definitely be described, in journalistic terms, as one of unmatched enthusiasm. Bertha was speechless.
Mr. Bacot jumped to his feet.
Mr. Bacot leaped to his feet.
“I must congratulate Mr. Craddock on his excellent speech. I am sure it comes as a surprise to all of us that he should prove such a fluent speaker, with such a fund of humour and—er—and common sense. And what is more valuable than these, his last words have proved to us that his heart—his heart, gentlemen—is in the right place, and that is saying a great deal. In fact I know nothing better to be said of a man than that his heart is in the right place. You know me, ladies and gentlemen, I have made many speeches to you since I had the honour of standing for the constituency in ’85, but I must confess I couldn’t make a better speech myself than the one you have just heard.”
“I want to congratulate Mr. Craddock on his fantastic speech. I’m sure it surprises all of us that he’s such a smooth speaker, full of humor and—um—common sense. And more importantly, his final words showed us that his heart—his heart, everyone—is in the right place, and that means a lot. Honestly, there’s nothing better you can say about a person than that their heart is in the right place. You all know me, ladies and gentlemen; I’ve given many speeches since I had the honor of running for this constituency in ’85, but I have to admit, I couldn’t give a better speech than the one you just heard.”
“You could—you could!” cried Edward, modestly.
“You could—you could!” Edward exclaimed modestly.
“No, Mr. Craddock, no; I assert deliberately, and I mean it, that I could not do better myself. From my shoulders I let fall the mantle, and give it——“
“No, Mr. Craddock, no; I firmly state, and I mean it, that I couldn't do better myself. I let the mantle fall from my shoulders and give it——“
Here Mr. Bacot was interrupted by the stentorian voice of the landlord of the Pig and Whistle (a rabid Conservative).
Here Mr. Bacot was interrupted by the loud voice of the landlord of the Pig and Whistle (a passionate Conservative).
“Three cheers for good old Teddie!”
“Three cheers for our good old Teddie!”
The audience opened its mighty mouth and roared, then burst again into, For he’s a jolly good fellow! Arthur Branderton, when the tumult was subsiding, rose from his chair and called for more cheers. The object of all this enthusiasm sat calmly, with a well-satisfied look on his face, taking it all with his usual modest complacency. At last the meeting broke up, with cheers, and God save the Queen, and He’s a jolly good fellow. The committee and the personal friends of the Craddocks retired to the side-room for light refreshment.
The audience yelled loudly and then broke out into, For he’s a jolly good fellow! When the noise started to die down, Arthur Branderton stood up and asked for more cheers. The man who was the center of all this excitement sat calmly, looking pleased, accepting everything with his usual modest confidence. Finally, the meeting wrapped up with cheers and God save the Queen, and He’s a jolly good fellow. The committee and the close friends of the Craddocks went to the side room for some light refreshments.
The ladies clustered round Edward, congratulating him. Arthur Branderton came to Bertha.
The women gathered around Edward, congratulating him. Arthur Branderton approached Bertha.
“Ripping speech, wasn’t it?” he said. “I had no idea he could jaw like that. By Jove, it simply stirred me right through.”
“Great speech, wasn’t it?” he said. “I had no idea he could talk like that. Wow, it really moved me.”
Before Bertha could answer, Mrs. Mayston Ryle sailed in.
Before Bertha could respond, Mrs. Mayston Ryle walked in confidently.
“Where’s the man?” she cried, in her loud tones. “Where is he? Show him to me.... My dear Mr. Craddock, your speech was perfect. I say it.”
“Where’s the guy?” she shouted, her voice booming. “Where is he? Show him to me.... My dear Mr. Craddock, your speech was flawless. I mean it.”
“And in such good taste,” said Miss Hancock, her eyes glowing. “How proud you must be of your husband, Mrs. Craddock!”
“And in such good taste,” said Miss Hancock, her eyes sparkling. “You must be so proud of your husband, Mrs. Craddock!”
“There’s no chance for the Radicals now,” said the Vicar, rubbing his hands.
“There's no chance for the Radicals now,” said the Vicar, rubbing his hands.
“Oh, Mr. Craddock, let me come near you,” cried Mrs. Branderton. “I’ve been trying to get at you for twenty minutes.... You’ve simply extinguished the horrid Radicals; I couldn’t help crying, you were so pathetic.”
“Oh, Mr. Craddock, let me come closer,” Mrs. Branderton exclaimed. “I’ve been trying to reach you for twenty minutes... You’ve completely shut down those awful Radicals; I couldn’t help but cry, you were so touching.”
“One may say what one likes,” whispered Miss Glover to her brother, “but there’s nothing in the world so beautiful as sentiment. I felt my heart simply bursting.”
“One can say whatever one wants,” whispered Miss Glover to her brother, “but there’s nothing in the world as beautiful as sentiment. I felt my heart practically bursting.”
“Mr. Craddock,” added Mrs. Mayston Ryle, “you’ve pleased me! Where’s your wife, that I may tell her so?”
“Mr. Craddock,” added Mrs. Mayston Ryle, “you’ve made me happy! Where’s your wife so I can tell her that?”
“It’s the best speech we’ve ever had down here,” cried Mrs. Branderton.
“It’s the best speech we’ve ever had down here,” shouted Mrs. Branderton.
Chapter XXVI
WHEN Lord Roseberry makes a speech, even the journals of his own party report him in the first person and at full length; and this is said to be the politician’s supreme ambition. Having reached such distinction, there is nothing left him but an honourable death and a public funeral in Westminster Abbey. Now, the Blackstable Times accorded this honour to Edward’s first effort; it was printed with numberless I’s peppered boldly over it; the grammar was corrected, and the stops inserted, just as for the most important orators. Edward bought a dozen copies and read the speech right through in each, to see that his sentiments were correctly expressed, and that there were no misprints. He gave it to Bertha, and stood over her while she read.
WHEN Lord Roseberry gives a speech, even his own party's newspapers report it in the first person and in full; this is considered the ultimate goal for a politician. Having achieved this level of recognition, all that remains for him is a dignified death and a public funeral in Westminster Abbey. The Blackstable Times granted this honor to Edward’s first attempt; it was printed with countless bold I’s scattered throughout; the grammar was fixed, and punctuation was added, just like for the most prominent speakers. Edward purchased a dozen copies and read the entire speech in each one to ensure his thoughts were accurately conveyed and that there were no typographical errors. He handed it to Bertha and stood beside her while she read.
“Looks well, don’t it?” he said.
"Looks good, doesn't it?" he said.
“Splendid!”
“Awesome!”
“By the way, is Aunt Polly’s address 72 Eliot Mansions?”
“By the way, is Aunt Polly's address 72 Eliot Mansions?”
“Yes. Why?”
"Yes. Why?"
Her jaw fell as she saw him roll up half-a-dozen copies of the Blackstable Times and address the wrapper.
Her jaw dropped as she watched him roll up half a dozen copies of the Blackstable Times and address the wrapper.
“I’m sure she’d like to read my speech. And it might hurt her feelings if she heard about it and I’d not sent her the report.”
“I’m sure she’d want to read my speech. And it could hurt her feelings if she found out about it and I hadn’t shared the report with her.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’d like to see it very much. But if you send six copies you’ll have none left—for other people.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’d love to see it. But if you send out six copies, you won’t have any left for other people.”
“Oh, I can easily get more. The editor chap told me I could have a thousand if I liked. I’m sending her six, because I dare say she’d like to forward some to her friends.”
“Oh, I can easily get more. The editor guy told me I could have a thousand if I wanted. I’m sending her six, because I’m sure she would like to share some with her friends.”
By return of post came Miss Ley’s reply.
By the next mail, Miss Ley's reply arrived.
My dear Edward,—I perused all six copies of your speech with the greatest interest; and I think you will agree with me that it is high proof of its merit that I was able to read it the sixth time with as unflagging attention as the first. The peroration, indeed, I am convinced that no acquaintance could stale. It is so true that “every Englishman has a mother” (supposing, of course, that an untimely death has not robbed him of her). It is curious how one does not realise the truth of some things till they are pointed out; when one’s only surprise is at not having seen them before. I hope it will not offend you if I suggest that Bertha’s handiwork seems to me not invisible in some of the sentiments (especially in that passage about the Union Jack). Did you really write the whole speech yourself? Come, now, confess that Bertha helped you.—Yours very sincerely,
Dear Edward, — I read all six copies of your speech with great interest, and I think you'll agree that it's a strong testament to its quality that I could read it for the sixth time with as much focus as the first. I truly believe that no one could tire of the conclusion. It’s so accurate that “every Englishman has a mother” (assuming, of course, that an untimely death hasn’t taken her from him). It’s funny how we don’t realize the truth of certain things until someone points them out; our only surprise is that we didn’t see them before. I hope it doesn’t upset you if I suggest that Bertha’s influence is noticeable in some of the sentiments (especially in that part about the Union Jack). Did you really write the entire speech by yourself? Come on, admit it, Bertha helped you. — Yours sincerely,
MARY LEY.
Mary Ley.
Edward read the letter and tossed it, laughing, to Bertha. “What cheek her suggesting that you helped me! I like that.”
Edward read the letter and threw it, laughing, to Bertha. “Can you believe her suggesting that you helped me! I love that.”
“I’ll write at once and tell her that it was all your own.”
“I’ll write right away and let her know that it was all your doing.”
Bertha still could hardly believe genuine the admiration which her husband excited. Knowing his extreme incapacity, she was astounded that the rest of the world should think him an uncommonly clever fellow. To her his pretensions were merely ridiculous; she marvelled that he should venture to discuss, with dogmatic glibness, subjects of which he knew nothing; but she marvelled still more that people should be impressed thereby: he had an astonishing faculty of concealing his ignorance.
Bertha could barely believe how genuine the admiration her husband received was. Aware of his extreme incompetence, she was shocked that others considered him a remarkably clever person. To her, his pretensions were just laughable; she couldn’t understand how he dared to speak so confidently on topics he knew nothing about. But she was even more amazed that people were impressed by him: he had an incredible ability to hide his ignorance.
At last the polling-day arrived, and Bertha waited anxiously at Court Leys for the result. Edward eventually appeared, radiant.
At last, polling day arrived, and Bertha waited nervously at Court Leys for the results. Edward finally showed up, beaming.
“What did I tell you?” said he.
“What did I say?” he asked.
“I see you’ve got in.”
"I see you've made it in."
“Got in isn’t the word for it! What did I tell you, eh? My dear girl, I’ve simply knocked ’em all into a cocked hat. I got double the number of votes that the other chap did, and it’s the biggest poll they’ve ever had.... Aren’t you proud that your hubby should be a County Councillor? I tell you I shall be an M.P. before I die.”
“Getting in isn’t quite the right way to put it! What did I tell you? My dear girl, I totally outdid everyone. I received double the number of votes that the other guy did, and it’s the largest turnout they’ve ever seen.... Aren’t you proud that your husband is a County Councillor? I swear I’ll be an M.P. before I die.”
“I congratulate you—with all my heart,” said Bertha drily; but trying to be enthusiastic.
"I truly congratulate you," Bertha said dryly, though she was making an effort to be enthusiastic.
Edward in his excitement did not observe her coolness. He was walking up and down the room concocting schemes—asking himself how long it would be before Miles Campbell, the member, was confronted by the inevitable dilemma of the unopposed M.P., one horn of which is the Kingdom of Heaven, and the other—the House of Lords.
Edward, in his excitement, didn't notice her indifference. He was pacing the room, coming up with plans—wondering how long it would be before Miles Campbell, the member, faced the unavoidable dilemma of the unchallenged M.P., one option being the Kingdom of Heaven, and the other—the House of Lords.
Presently he stopped. “I’m not a vain man,” he remarked, “but I must say I don’t think I’ve done badly.”
Presently he stopped. “I’m not a vain guy,” he said, “but I have to admit I don’t think I’ve done too badly.”
Edward, for a while, was somewhat overwhelmed by his own greatness, but the opinion came to his rescue that the rewards were only according to his deserts; and presently he entered energetically into the not very arduous duties of the County Councillor.
Edward was a bit taken aback by his own greatness for a while, but then he reminded himself that the rewards were just based on what he deserved; soon after, he wholeheartedly embraced the not very demanding responsibilities of the County Councillor.
Bertha continually expected to hear something to his disadvantage; but, on the contrary, everything seemed to proceed very satisfactorily; and Edward’s aptitude for business, his keenness in making a bargain, his common sense, were heralded abroad in a manner that should have been most gratifying to his wife.
Bertha always expected to hear something negative about him; however, everything seemed to be going really well; and Edward’s skills in business, his enthusiasm for making deals, and his common sense were talked about in a way that should have made his wife very proud.
But as a matter of fact these constant praises exceedingly disquieted Bertha. She asked herself uneasily whether she was doing him an injustice. Was he really so clever; had he indeed the virtues which common report ascribed to him? Perhaps she was prejudiced; or perhaps—he was cleverer than she. This thought came like a blow, for she had never doubted that her intellect was superior to Edward’s. Their respective knowledge was not comparable: she occupied herself with ideas that Edward did not conceive; his mind was ever engaged in the utterest trivialities. He never interested himself in abstract things, and his conversation was tedious, as only the absence of speculation could make it. It was extraordinary that every one but herself should so highly estimate his intelligence. Bertha knew that his mind was paltry and his ignorance phenomenal: his pretentiousness made him a charlatan. One day he came to her, his head full of a new idea.
But in reality, all this constant praise made Bertha really uneasy. She wondered whether she was being unfair to him. Was he really as smart as everyone said he was? Did he actually have the qualities that people attributed to him? Maybe she was biased; or maybe—he was smarter than she was. This thought hit her hard because she had always believed her intelligence was superior to Edward’s. Their knowledge wasn’t even in the same league: she was focused on ideas that Edward couldn’t even grasp; his mind was always busy with the most trivial matters. He showed no interest in abstract concepts, and his conversations were dull, as only a lack of speculation could make them. It was bizarre that everyone except her valued his intelligence so highly. Bertha knew that his mind was shallow and his ignorance was staggering: his pretentiousness made him a fraud. One day, he approached her, his head filled with a new idea.
“I say, Bertha, I’ve been thinking it over and it seems a pity that your name should be dropped entirely. And it sounds funny that people called Craddock should live at Court Leys.”
“I’ve been thinking it over, Bertha, and it seems a shame that your name should be completely forgotten. It’s kind of odd that people with the last name Craddock live at Court Leys.”
“D’you think so? I don’t know how you can remedy it—unless you think of advertising for tenants with a more suitable name.”
“Do you think so? I don’t see how you can fix it—unless you consider advertising for tenants with a more fitting name.”
“Well, I was thinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea, and it would have a good effect on the county, if we took your name again.”
“Well, I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea, and it would positively impact the county if we used your name again.”
He looked at Bertha, who stared at him icily, but answered nothing.
He glanced at Bertha, who was looking at him coldly but didn’t say a word.
“I’ve talked to old Bacot about it and he thinks it would be just the thing; so I think we’d better do it.”
“I’ve talked to old Bacot about it, and he thinks it would be perfect; so I think we should go for it.”
“I suppose you’re going to consult me on the subject.”
“I guess you’re going to ask me about it.”
“That’s what I’m doing now.”
"That's what I'm doing now."
“Do you think of calling yourself Ley-Craddock or Craddock-Ley, or dropping the Craddock altogether?”
“Are you thinking about calling yourself Ley-Craddock, Craddock-Ley, or just dropping the Craddock altogether?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I hadn’t gone so far as that yet.”
“Well, to be honest, I hadn't gotten that far yet.”
Bertha gave a little scornful laugh. “I think the idea is perfectly ridiculous.”
Bertha let out a small, scornful laugh. “I think that idea is completely absurd.”
“I don’t see that; I think it would be rather an improvement.”
“I don’t see it that way; I think it would actually be an improvement.”
“Really, Edward, if I was not ashamed to take your name, I don’t think that you need be ashamed to keep it.”
“Honestly, Edward, if I wasn't embarrassed to take your name, I don't think you should be embarrassed to keep it.”
“I say, I think you might be reasonable—you’re always standing in my way.”
“I think you might be reasonable—you’re always in my way.”
“I have no wish to do that. If you think my name will add to your importance, use it by all means.... You may call yourself Tompkins for all I care.”
“I don’t want to do that. If you think my name will make you seem more important, go ahead and use it… You can call yourself Tompkins for all I care.”
“What about you?”
“What about you?”
“Oh I—I shall continue to call myself Craddock.”
“Oh, I—I’ll still call myself Craddock.”
“I am sorry you’re dissatisfied. But you forget that you have impressed one ideal on me for years: you have always given me to understand that your pattern female animal was the common or domestic cow.”
“I’m sorry you’re not happy. But you forget that you’ve had one ideal in my mind for years: you’ve always made it clear that your ideal female creature is the ordinary domestic cow.”
Edward did not understand what Bertha meant, and it occurred to him dimly that it was perhaps not altogether proper.
Edward didn't understand what Bertha meant, and it vaguely occurred to him that it might not be entirely proper.
“You know, Edward, I always regret that you didn’t marry Fanny Glover. You would have suited one another admirably. And I think she would have worshipped you as you desire to be worshipped. I’m sure she would not have objected to your calling yourself Glover.”
“You know, Edward, I always regret that you didn’t marry Fanny Glover. You two would have matched perfectly. And I believe she would have adored you the way you want to be adored. I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded you calling yourself Glover.”
“I shouldn’t have wanted to take her name. That’s no better than Craddock. The only thing in Ley is that it’s an old county name, and has belonged to your people.”
“I shouldn’t have wanted to take her name. That’s no better than Craddock. The only thing about Ley is that it’s an old county name, and it has belonged to your family.”
Chapter XXVII
TIME passed slowly, slowly. Bertha wrapped her pride about her like a cloak, but sometimes it seemed too heavy to bear and she nearly fainted. The restraint which she imposed upon herself was often intolerable; anger and hatred seethed within her, but she forced herself to preserve the smiling face which people had always seen. She suffered intensely from her loneliness of spirit, she had not a soul to whom she could tell her unhappiness. It is terrible to have no means of expressing oneself, to keep imprisoned always the anguish that gnaws at one’s heart-strings. It is well enough for the writer, he can find solace in his words, he can tell his secret and yet not betray it: but the woman has only silence.
TIME dragged on and on. Bertha wrapped her pride around her like a cloak, but sometimes it felt too heavy to handle and she almost collapsed. The self-control she enforced was often unbearable; anger and resentment boiled inside her, but she forced herself to maintain the cheerful facade that everyone expected. She suffered deeply from her spiritual loneliness; she didn’t have anyone to confide in about her sadness. It’s awful to have no way of expressing oneself, to keep the pain that eats away at your heart always locked up inside. It’s fine for a writer; they can find comfort in their words, share their secrets without revealing them: but a woman is left with only silence.
Bertha loathed Edward now with such angry, physical repulsion that she could not bear his touch; and every one she knew, was his admiring friend. How could she tell Fanny Glover that Edward was a fool who bored her to death, when Fanny Glover thought him the best and most virtuous of mankind? She was annoyed that in the universal estimation Edward should have eclipsed her so entirely: once his only importance lay in the fact that he was her husband, but now the positions were reversed. She found it very irksome thus to shine with reflected light, and at the same time despised herself for the petty jealousy. She could not help remembering that Court Leys was hers, and that if she chose she could send Edward away like a hired servant.
Bertha now hated Edward with such intense, physical disgust that she couldn't stand to be touched by him; yet everyone she knew admired him as a friend. How could she tell Fanny Glover that Edward was a fool who bored her to tears when Fanny thought he was the best and most virtuous person out there? It frustrated her that Edward had completely overshadowed her in everyone's eyes: once, his importance was just that he was her husband, but now the roles had flipped. She found it extremely annoying to shine through his reflection, and at the same time, she despised herself for feeling so petty and jealous. She couldn’t help but remember that Court Leys was hers, and if she wanted to, she could send Edward away like a hired hand.
At last she felt it impossible longer to endure his company; he made her stupid and vulgar; she was ill and weak, and she utterly despaired. She made up her mind to go away again, this time for ever.
At last, she felt she couldn't stand his company any longer; he made her feel dull and crass. She was sick and weak, and she felt completely hopeless. She decided she would leave again, this time for good.
“If I stay, I shall kill myself.”
“If I stay, I’ll end my life.”
For two days Edward had been utterly miserable; a favourite dog had died, and he was brought to the verge of tears. Bertha watched him contemptuously.
For two days, Edward had been completely miserable; his favorite dog had died, and he was on the brink of tears. Bertha watched him with disdain.
“You are more affected over the death of a wretched poodle than you have ever been over a pain of mine.”
“You care more about the death of a miserable poodle than you ever have about any pain I've felt.”
“Oh, don’t rag me now, there’s a good girl. I can’t bear it.”
“Oh, don’t hassle me now, please. I can’t take it.”
“Fool!” muttered Bertha, under her breath.
"Idiot!" Bertha whispered to herself.
He went about with hanging head and melancholy face, telling every one the particulars of the beast’s demise, in a voice quivering with emotion.
He walked around with his head down and a sad expression, sharing the details of the beast's death with everyone in a voice shaking with emotion.
“Poor fellow!” said Miss Glover. “He has such a good heart.”
“Poor guy!” said Miss Glover. “He has such a good heart.”
Bertha could hardly repress the bitter invective that rose to her lips. If people knew the coldness with which he had met her love, the indifference he had shown to her tears and to her despair! She despised herself when she remembered the utter self-abasement of the past.
Bertha could barely hold back the harsh words that came to her mind. If people understood how coldly he had responded to her love, how indifferent he had been to her tears and her despair! She felt ashamed of herself when she thought about the complete humiliation she had gone through in the past.
“He made me drink the cup of humiliation to the very dregs.”
“He made me drink the cup of humiliation to the very last drop.”
From the height of her disdain she summed him up for the thousandth time. It was inexplicable that she had been subject to a man so paltry in mind, so despicable in character. It made her blush with shame to think how servile had been her love.
From her peak of disdain, she evaluated him for the thousandth time. It was beyond her understanding that she had been involved with a man so dull in mind, so contemptible in character. It made her flush with embarrassment to realize how submissive her love had been.
Dr. Ramsay, who was visiting Bertha for some trivial ill, happened to come in when she was engaged with such thoughts.
Dr. Ramsay, who was visiting Bertha for some minor illness, happened to walk in while she was lost in those thoughts.
“Well,” he said, as soon as he had taken breath. “And how is Edward to-day?”
“Well,” he said, as soon as he had caught his breath. “And how is Edward today?”
“Good heavens, how should I know?” she cried, beside herself, the words slipping out unawares after the long constraint.
“Good heavens, how should I know?” she exclaimed, overwhelmed, the words spilling out before she realized it after holding them in for so long.
“Hulloa, what’s this? Have the turtle-doves had a tiff at last?”
“Huh, what’s this? Have the lovebirds finally had a fight?”
“Oh, I’m sick of continually hearing Edward’s praises. I’m sick of being treated as an appendage to him.”
“Oh, I’m tired of constantly hearing people praise Edward. I’m fed up with being treated like an accessory to him.”
“What’s the matter with you, Bertha?” said the doctor, bursting into a shout of laughter. “I always thought nothing pleased you more than to hear how much we all liked your husband.”
“What’s wrong with you, Bertha?” the doctor said, breaking into a laugh. “I always thought nothing made you happier than hearing how much we all liked your husband.”
“Oh, my good doctor, you must be blind or an utter fool. I thought every one knew by now that I loathe my husband.”
“Oh, my good doctor, you must be blind or completely clueless. I thought everyone knew by now that I can't stand my husband.”
“What?” shouted Dr. Ramsay; then thinking Bertha was unwell: “Come, come, I see you want a little medicine, my dear. You’re out of sorts, and like all women you think the world is consequently coming to an end.”
“What?” shouted Dr. Ramsay; then thinking Bertha was unwell: “Come on, I can tell you need a bit of medicine, my dear. You’re not feeling great, and like all women, you think the world is falling apart because of it.”
Bertha sprang from the sofa. “D’you think I should speak like this if I hadn’t good cause? Don’t you think I’d conceal my humiliation if I could? Oh, I’ve hidden it long enough; now I must speak. Oh God, I can hardly help screaming with pain when I think of all I’ve suffered and hidden. I’ve never said a word to any one but you, and now I can’t help it. I tell you I loathe and abhor my husband and I utterly despise him. I can’t live with him any more, and I want to go away.”
Bertha jumped up from the couch. “Do you think I would speak like this if I didn’t have a good reason? Don’t you think I’d hide my embarrassment if I could? Oh, I’ve kept it inside for too long; now I have to speak out. Oh God, I can barely stop myself from screaming in pain when I think of everything I’ve been through and kept hidden. I’ve never told anyone but you, and now I can’t hold back. I’m telling you I hate and despise my husband, and I completely loathe him. I can't stay with him any longer, and I want to leave.”
Dr. Ramsay opened his mouth and fell back in his chair; he looked at Bertha as if he expected her to have a fit. “You’re not serious?”
Dr. Ramsay opened his mouth and fell back in his chair; he looked at Bertha as if he expected her to have a meltdown. “You can’t be serious?”
Bertha stamped her foot impatiently. “Of course I’m serious. Do you think I’m a fool too? We’ve been miserable for years, and it can’t go on. If you knew what I’ve had to suffer when every one has congratulated me, and said how pleased they were to see me so happy. Sometimes I’ve had to dig my nails in my hands to prevent myself from crying out the truth.”
Bertha stamped her foot in frustration. “Of course I’m serious. Do you think I’m an idiot too? We’ve been unhappy for years, and it can’t continue like this. If you knew what I’ve had to endure while everyone congratulates me and says how happy they are to see me so joyful. Sometimes I’ve had to dig my nails into my hands to keep myself from screaming the truth.”
Bertha walked up and down the room, letting herself go at last. The tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she took no notice of them. She was giving full vent to her passionate hatred.
Bertha paced back and forth in the room, finally letting herself feel everything. Tears flowed down her cheeks, but she didn't pay attention to them. She was fully expressing her intense hatred.
“Oh, I’ve tried to love him. You know how I loved him once—how I adored him. I would have laid down my life for him with pleasure. I would have done anything he asked me; I used to search for the smallest indication of his wishes so that I might carry them out. It overjoyed me to think that I was his abject slave. But he’s destroyed every vestige of my love, and now I only despise him, I utterly despise him. Oh, I’ve tried to love him, but he’s too great a fool.”
“Oh, I’ve tried to love him. You know how I once loved him—how I adored him. I would have gladly given my life for him. I would have done anything he asked; I used to look for the smallest sign of his wishes so I could fulfill them. It made me so happy to think I was his devoted servant. But he’s destroyed every trace of my love, and now I only hate him, I completely hate him. Oh, I’ve tried to love him, but he’s such a fool.”
The last words Bertha said with such force that Dr. Ramsay was startled.
The last words Bertha said with such intensity that Dr. Ramsay was taken aback.
“My dear Bertha!”
“Hey, Bertha!”
“Oh, I know you all think him wonderful. I’ve had his praises thrown at me for years. But you don’t know what a man really is till you’ve lived with him, till you’ve seen him in every mood and in every circumstance. I know him through and through, and he’s a fool. You can’t conceive how stupid, how utterly brainless he is.... He bores me to death!”
“Oh, I know you all think he's amazing. I've heard his praises sung for years. But you don't really know what a man is like until you've lived with him, until you've seen him in every mood and in every situation. I know him completely, and he's a fool. You can't imagine how dumb, how completely clueless he is... He bores me to death!”
“Come now, you don’t mean what you say. You’re exaggerating as usual. You must expect to have little quarrels now and then; upon my word, I think it took me twenty years to get used to my wife.”
“Come on, you don’t really mean that. You’re just exaggerating like always. You have to expect some small arguments now and then; honestly, I think it took me twenty years to get used to my wife.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, don’t be sententious,” Bertha interrupted, fiercely. “I’ve had enough moralising in these five years. I might have loved Edward better if he hadn’t been so moral. He’s thrown his virtues in my face till I’m sick of them. He’s made every goodness ugly to me, till I sigh for vice just for a change. Oh, you can’t imagine how frightfully dull is a really good man. Now I want to be free, I tell you I can’t stand it any more.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, don’t be so preachy,” Bertha interrupted sharply. “I’ve had enough of all this moral talk in these five years. I might have loved Edward more if he hadn’t been so virtuous. He’s shoved his goodness in my face until I’m sick of it. He’s made every good quality unattractive to me, to the point where I long for bad behavior just for a change. Oh, you can’t imagine how incredibly boring a truly good man is. Now I want to be free; I’m telling you I can’t take it any longer.”
Bertha again walked up and down the room excitedly.
Bertha paced back and forth in the room, full of energy.
“Upon my word,” cried Dr. Ramsay, “I can’t make head or tail of it.”
“Honestly,” exclaimed Dr. Ramsay, “I can’t make sense of it.”
“I didn’t expect you would. I knew you’d only moralise.”
“I didn’t think you would. I knew you’d just lecture me on what's right and wrong.”
“What d’you want me to do? Shall I speak to him?”
“What do you want me to do? Should I talk to him?”
“No! No! I’ve spoken to him endlessly. It’s no good. D’you suppose your speaking to him will make him love me? He’s incapable of it; all he can give me is esteem and affection—good God, what do I want with esteem! It requires a certain intelligence to love, and he hasn’t got it. I tell you he’s a fool. Oh, when I think that I’m shackled to him for the rest of my life, I feel I could kill myself.”
“No! No! I’ve talked to him endlessly. It’s useless. Do you think your talking to him will make him love me? He’s just not capable of it; all he can give me is respect and care—good God, what do I want with respect! It takes a certain level of intelligence to love, and he doesn’t have that. I’m telling you, he’s an idiot. Oh, when I think that I’m stuck with him for the rest of my life, I feel like I could end it all.”
“Come now, he’s not such a fool as all that. Every one agrees that he’s a very smart man of business. And I can’t help saying that I’ve always thought you did uncommonly well when you insisted on marrying him.”
“Come on, he’s not that foolish. Everyone agrees he’s a very savvy businessman. And I have to say, I’ve always thought you made an exceptionally good choice when you insisted on marrying him.”
“It was all your fault,” cried Bertha. “If you hadn’t opposed me, I might not have married so quickly. Oh, you don’t know how I’ve regretted it.... I wish I could see him dead at my feet.”
“It was all your fault,” Bertha shouted. “If you hadn’t gone against me, I might not have rushed into marriage. Oh, you have no idea how much I regret it.... I wish I could see him lying dead at my feet.”
Dr. Ramsay whistled. His mind worked somewhat slowly, and he was becoming confused with the overthrow of his cherished opinions, and the vehemence with which the unpleasant operation was conducted.
Dr. Ramsay whistled. His mind operated a bit slowly, and he was getting mixed up with the challenge to his cherished beliefs and the intensity with which the uncomfortable procedure was carried out.
“I didn’t know things were like this.”
“I didn’t realize things were this way.”
“Of course you didn’t!” said Bertha, scornfully. “Because I smiled and hid my sorrow, you thought I was happy. When I look back on the wretchedness I’ve gone through, I wonder that I can ever have borne it.”
“Of course you didn’t!” Bertha said with disdain. “Just because I smiled and hid my pain, you assumed I was happy. When I think about the misery I’ve endured, I can’t believe I managed to handle it at all.”
“I can’t believe that this is very serious. You’ll be of a different mind to-morrow, and wonder that such things ever entered your head. You mustn’t mind an old chap like me telling you that you’re very headstrong and impulsive. After all, Edward is a fine fellow, and I can’t believe that he would willingly hurt your feelings.”
“I can't believe this is such a big deal. You'll think differently tomorrow and wonder how you ever let this get to you. Don't take it to heart when an old guy like me says you're pretty stubborn and impulsive. Honestly, Edward is a great guy, and I find it hard to believe that he would intentionally hurt your feelings.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake don’t give me more of Edward’s praises.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t give me more of Edward’s praises.”
“I wonder if you’re a little jealous of the way he’s got on?” asked the doctor, looking at her sharply.
“I wonder if you're a bit jealous of how well he’s doing?” asked the doctor, looking at her intently.
Bertha blushed, for she had asked herself the same question, and much scorn was needed to refute it.
Bertha blushed, as she had asked herself the same question, and it took a lot of contempt to deny it.
“I? My dear doctor, you forget! Oh, don’t you understand that it isn’t a passing whim? It’s dreadfully serious to me—I’ve borne the misery till I can bear it no longer. You must help me to get away. If you have any of your old affection for me, do what you can. I want to go away; but I don’t want to have any more rows with Edward; I just want to leave him quietly. It’s no good trying to make him understand that we’re incompatible. He thinks that it’s enough for my happiness just to be his wife. He’s of iron, and I am pitifully weak.... I used to think myself so strong!”
“I? My dear doctor, you're forgetting! Oh, don’t you see that this isn’t just a passing phase? It’s incredibly serious for me—I’ve endured the pain until I can’t anymore. You have to help me get away. If you still care about me, do anything you can. I want to leave; but I don’t want to fight with Edward anymore; I just want to leave him peacefully. There’s no point in trying to make him see that we don’t match. He believes that being his wife is enough for my happiness. He’s unyielding, and I am painfully weak... I used to think I was so strong!”
“Am I to take it that you’re absolutely serious? Do you want to take the extreme step of separating from your husband?”
“Are you really serious about this? Do you actually want to go as far as separating from your husband?”
“It’s an extreme step that I’ve taken before. Last time I went with a flourish of trumpets, but now I want to go without any fuss at all. I still loved Edward then, but I have even ceased to hate him. Oh, I knew I was a fool to come back, but I couldn’t help it. He asked me to return, and I did.”
“It’s a drastic step I’ve taken before. Last time, I made a big show of it, but now I want to leave without any drama at all. I still loved Edward back then, but I’ve even stopped hating him. Oh, I knew I was being foolish by coming back, but I couldn’t help it. He asked me to return, and I did.”
“Well, I don’t know what I can do for you. I can’t help thinking that if you wait a little things will get better.”
“Well, I’m not sure what I can do for you. I can’t help but think that if you wait a bit, things will improve.”
“I can’t wait any longer. I’ve waited too long. I’m losing my whole life.”
“I can’t wait anymore. I’ve waited long enough. I’m wasting my entire life.”
“Why don’t you go away for a few months, and then you can see? Miss Ley is going to Italy for the winter as usual, isn’t she? Upon my word, I think it would do you good to go too.”
“Why don’t you take a trip for a few months and then see how you feel? Miss Ley is going to Italy for the winter as always, right? Honestly, I think it would be good for you to go as well.”
“I don’t mind what I do so long as I can get away. I’m suffering too much.”
“I don’t care what I do as long as I can escape. I’m in too much pain.”
“Have you thought that Edward will miss you?” asked Dr. Ramsay, gravely.
“Have you thought that Edward will miss you?” Dr. Ramsay asked seriously.
“No, he won’t. Good heavens, don’t you think I know him by now? I know him through and through. And he’s callous, and selfish, and stupid. And he’s making me like himself.... Oh, Dr. Ramsay, please help me.”
“No, he won’t. Good grief, don’t you think I know him by now? I know him inside and out. And he’s heartless, selfish, and foolish. And he’s making me like him.... Oh, Dr. Ramsay, please help me.”
“Does Miss Ley know?” asked the doctor, remembering what she had told him on her visit to Court Leys.
“Does Miss Ley know?” the doctor asked, recalling what she had shared with him during her visit to Court Leys.
“No, I’m sure she doesn’t. She thinks we adore one another. And I don’t want her to know. I’m such a coward now. Years ago I never cared a straw for what any one in the world thought of me; but my spirit is utterly broken. Oh, get me away from here, Dr. Ramsay, get me away.”
“No, I’m sure she doesn’t. She thinks we’re crazy about each other. And I don’t want her to know. I’ve become such a coward. Years ago, I didn’t care at all about what anyone thought of me; but now I feel completely defeated. Oh, please get me out of here, Dr. Ramsay, get me away.”
She burst into tears, weeping as she had been long unaccustomed to do; she was utterly exhausted after the outburst of all that for years she had kept hid.
She broke down in tears, crying as she hadn’t done in a long time; she was completely drained after letting out everything she had hidden for years.
A month later Bertha was in Rome. But at first she was hardly able to realise the change in her condition. Her life at Court Leys had impressed itself upon her with such ghastly distinctness that she could not imagine its cessation. She was like a prisoner so long immured that freedom dazes him, and he looks for his chains, and cannot understand that he is free.
A month later, Bertha was in Rome. But at first, she could hardly grasp how much her situation had changed. Her life at Court Leys had stuck with her so vividly that she couldn’t picture it coming to an end. She was like a prisoner who had been locked away for so long that when he finally experiences freedom, it overwhelms him, and he searches for his chains, unable to understand that he is free.
The relief was so great that Bertha could not believe it true, and she lived in fear that her vision would be disturbed, and that she would find herself again within the prison walls of Court Leys. It was a dream that she wandered in sunlit places, where the air was scented with violets and with roses. The people were unreal, the models lounging on the steps of the Piazza di Spagna, the ragged urchins, quaintly costumed and importunate, the silver speech that caressed the air. How could she believe that life was true when it gave blue sky and sunshine, so that the heart thrilled with joy; when it gave rest, and peace, and the most delightful idleness? Real life was gloomy and strenuous; its setting a Georgian mansion, surrounded by desolate, wind-swept fields. In real life every one was very virtuous and very dull; the ten commandments hedged one round with the menace of hell-fire and eternal damnation, a dungeon more terrible because it had not walls, nor bars and bolts.
The relief was so overwhelming that Bertha could hardly believe it was real, and she lived in fear that her happiness would be interrupted, and that she would find herself back within the prison walls of Court Leys. It felt like a dream as she wandered through sunlit places, where the air was filled with the scent of violets and roses. The people seemed unreal—the models lounging on the steps of the Piazza di Spagna, the ragged kids dressed in quirky outfits and begging for attention, the beautiful language that floated through the air. How could she believe that life was real when it offered blue skies and sunshine, making her heart swell with joy; when it provided rest, peace, and the most enjoyable laziness? Real life was gloomy and exhausting; its backdrop a Georgian mansion surrounded by empty, wind-swept fields. In real life, everyone was very virtuous and incredibly dull; the Ten Commandments loomed over one with the threat of hellfire and eternal damnation, a prison even more terrifying because it had no walls, bars, or bolts.
But beyond these gloomy stones with their harsh Thou shalt not is a land of fragrance and of light, where the sunbeams send the blood running gaily through the veins; where the flowers give their perfume freely to the air, in token that riches must be spent and virtue must be squandered; where the amorets flutter here and there on the spring breezes, unknowing whither they go, uncaring. It is a land of olive trees and of pleasant shade, and the sea kisses the shore gently to show the youths how they must kiss the maidens. There dark eyes flash lambently, telling the traveller he need not fear, since love may be had for the asking. Blood is warm, and hands linger with grateful pressure in hands, and red lips ask for the kisses that are so sweet to give. There the flesh and the spirit walk side by side, and each is well satisfied with the other. Ah, give me the sunshine of this blissful country, and a garden of roses, and the murmur of a pleasant brook; give me a shady bank, and wine, and books, and the coral lips of Amaryllis, and I will live in complete felicity—for at least ten days.
But beyond these gloomy stones with their harsh Thou shalt not, there’s a land of fragrance and light, where sunbeams make the blood flow joyfully through your veins; where flowers freely release their scent into the air, showing that wealth should be spent and virtue should be enjoyed; where playful cherubs flit about on the spring breezes, unaware of where they're going and not caring at all. It’s a land of olive trees and pleasant shade, where the sea gently kisses the shore to teach young men how to kiss young women. There, dark eyes sparkle brightly, telling the traveler not to worry, as love is just a request away. Blood runs warm, hands linger in grateful holds, and red lips crave the sweet kisses that are easy to give. In this place, the body and soul walk together happily, each satisfied with the other. Ah, give me the sunshine of this blissful land, a garden of roses, and the sound of a gentle brook; give me a shady spot, some wine, and books, and the coral lips of Amaryllis, and I will live in complete happiness—for at least ten days.
To Bertha the life in Rome seemed like a play. Miss Leys left her much freedom, and she wandered alone in strange places. She went often to the market and spent the morning among the booths, looking at a thousand things she did not want to buy; she fingered rich silks and antique bits of silver, smiling at the compliments of a friendly dealer. The people bustled around her, talking volubly, intensely alive, and yet, in her inability to understand that what she saw was true, they seemed but puppets. She went to the galleries, to the Sistine Chapel or to the Stanze of Raphael; and, lacking the hurry of the tourist and his sense of duty, she would spend a whole morning in front of one picture, or in a corner of some old church, weaving with the sight before her the fantasies of her imagination.
To Bertha, life in Rome felt like a play. Miss Leys gave her a lot of freedom, and she roamed around alone in unfamiliar places. She often visited the market, spending her mornings among the stalls, looking at countless items she didn’t intend to buy; she touched luxurious silks and antique silver pieces, smiling at the compliments from a friendly vendor. The people buzzed around her, chatting animatedly, full of life, and yet, because she couldn’t fully grasp that what she saw was real, they seemed like puppets. She visited galleries, the Sistine Chapel, or the Stanze of Raphael; and without the rush of a tourist or a sense of obligation, she would spend an entire morning in front of a single painting or in a corner of an old church, weaving the sights before her into the fantasies of her imagination.
And when she felt the need of her fellow-men, Bertha went to the Pincio and mingled with the throng that listened to the band. But the Franciscan monk in his brown cowl, standing apart, was a figure of some romantic play; and the soldiers in gay uniforms, the Bersaglieri with the bold cock’s feathers in their hats, were the chorus of a comic opera. And there were black-robed priests, some old and fat, taking the sun and smoking cigarettes, at peace with themselves and with the world; others young and restless, the flesh unsubdued shining out of their dark eyes. And every one seemed as happy as the children who romped and scampered with merry cries.
And when she felt the need for her fellow humans, Bertha went to the Pincio and joined the crowd listening to the band. But the Franciscan monk in his brown robe, standing off to the side, looked like he stepped out of a romantic play; and the soldiers in their bright uniforms, the Bersaglieri with their bold feathered hats, were like a chorus from a comedic opera. There were also black-robed priests, some old and heavyset, soaking up the sun and smoking cigarettes, content with themselves and the world; while others were young and restless, their unrestrained desires shining through their dark eyes. Everyone seemed as happy as the children who played and rushed around with joyful shouts.
But gradually the shadows of the past fell away and Bertha was able more consciously to appreciate the beauty and the life that surrounded her. And knowing it transitory she set herself to enjoy it as best she could. Care and youth are with difficulty yoked together, and merciful time wraps in oblivion the most gruesome misery. Bertha stretched out her arms to embrace the wonders of the living world, and she put away the dreadful thought that it must end so quickly. In the spring she spent long hours in the gardens that surround the city, where the remains of ancient Rome mingled exotically with the half tropical luxuriance, and called forth new and subtle emotions. The flowers grew in the sarcophagi with a wild exuberance, wantoning, it seemed, in mockery of the tomb from which they sprang. Death is hideous, but life is always triumphant; the rose and the hyacinth arise from man’s decay; and the dissolution of man is but the signal of other birth: and the world goes on, beautiful and ever new, revelling in its vigour.
But gradually, the shadows of the past faded away, and Bertha was able to more consciously appreciate the beauty and life around her. Knowing it was temporary, she committed herself to enjoying it as much as she could. It's hard to combine care and youth, and with the passage of time, the most horrific suffering is often forgotten. Bertha reached out her arms to embrace the wonders of the living world, pushing aside the terrible thought that it must end so soon. In the spring, she spent long hours in the gardens surrounding the city, where the remnants of ancient Rome blended exotically with a half-tropical richness, stirring new and subtle emotions within her. The flowers blossomed in the sarcophagi with a wild exuberance, seemingly reveling in mockery of the tombs from which they grew. Death is grim, but life always prevails; the rose and the hyacinth emerge from human decay, and the dissolution of man signals new beginnings: the world continues on, beautiful and ever new, reveling in its vitality.
Bertha went to the Villa Medici and sat where she could watch the light glowing on the mellow façade of the old palace, and Syrinx peeping between the reeds: the students saw her and asked who was the beautiful woman who sat so long and so unconscious of the eyes that looked at her. She went to the Villa Doria-Pamphili, majestic and pompous, the fitting summer-house of princes in gorgeous clothes, of bishops and of cardinals. And the ruins of the Palatine with its cypress trees sent her thought back and back, and she pictured to herself the glory of bygone power.
Bertha went to the Villa Medici and sat in a spot where she could see the light shining on the warm façade of the old palace, and Syrinx peeking between the reeds. The students noticed her and wondered who the beautiful woman was, sitting there for so long, completely unaware of the gazes on her. She then went to the Villa Doria-Pamphili, grand and impressive, the perfect summer retreat for princes in luxurious clothing, bishops, and cardinals. The ruins of the Palatine, with its cypress trees, made her reflect deeply, and she envisioned the glory of past power.
But the wildest garden of all, the garden of the Mattei, pleased her best. Here were a greater fertility and a greater abandonment; the distance and the difficulty of access kept strangers away, and Bertha could wander through it as if it were her own. She thought she had never enjoyed such exquisite moments as were given her by its solitude and its silence. Sometimes a troop of scarlet seminarists sauntered along the grass-grown avenues, vivid colour against the verdure.
But the wildest garden of all, the Mattei garden, was her favorite. It had more richness and a wilder feel; the distance and hard-to-reach location kept outsiders away, allowing Bertha to explore it like it was hers. She felt she had never experienced such beautiful moments as those offered by its peace and quiet. Occasionally, a group of bright red seminarists would stroll along the grassy paths, their vibrant color standing out against the greenery.
Then she went home, tired and happy, and sat at her open window and watched the dying sun. The sun set over St. Peter’s, and the mighty cathedral was transfigured into a temple of fire and gold; the dome was radiant, formed no longer of solid stones, but of light and sunshine—it was the crown of a palace of Hyperion. Then, as the sun fell to the horizon, St. Peter’s stood out in darkness, stood out in majestic profile against the splendour of heaven.
Then she went home, tired and happy, and sat at her open window, watching the setting sun. The sun dipped behind St. Peter’s, transforming the grand cathedral into a temple of fire and gold; the dome glowed, no longer made of solid stone, but of light and sunshine—it was the crown of a palace of Hyperion. As the sun fell below the horizon, St. Peter’s emerged in darkness, standing out in majestic profile against the beauty of the sky.
Chapter XXVIII
BUT after Easter Miss Ley proposed that they should travel slowly back to England. Bertha had dreaded the suggestion, not only because she regretted to leave Rome, but still more because it rendered necessary some explanation. The winter had passed comfortably enough with the excuse of indifferent health, but now some other reason must be found to account for the continued absence from her husband’s side; and Bertha’s racked imagination gave her nothing. She was determined, however, under no circumstances, to return to Court Leys: after such happy freedom the confinement of body and soul would be doubly intolerable.
BUT after Easter, Miss Ley suggested that they take their time returning to England. Bertha dreaded this idea, not just because she didn’t want to leave Rome, but even more because it required some kind of explanation. The winter had passed easily enough with the excuse of poor health, but now she needed another reason for staying away from her husband; Bertha's stressed imagination came up blank. She was determined, however, under no circumstances, to go back to Court Leys: after such blissful freedom, being confined in body and soul would feel twice as unbearable.
Edward had been satisfied with the pretext and had let Bertha go without a word. As he said, he was not the man to stand in his wife’s way when her health required her to leave him; and he could peg along all right by himself. Their letters had been fairly frequent, but on Bertha’s side a constant effort. She was always telling herself that the only rational course was to make Edward a final statement of her intentions, and then break off all communication. But the dread of fuss and bother, and of endless explanation, restrained her; and she compromised by writing as seldom as possible and adhering to the merest trivialities. She was surprised once or twice, when she had delayed her answer, to receive from him a second letter, asking with some show of anxiety why she did not write.
Edward was fine with the excuse and let Bertha leave without saying anything. As he mentioned, he wasn't the type to stand in his wife's way when her health needed her to go; he could manage just fine on his own. They exchanged letters regularly, but it was always a struggle for Bertha. She kept convincing herself that the only sensible thing to do was to clearly explain her intentions to Edward and then cut off all communication. However, the fear of creating a scene and having to give endless explanations held her back; so she compromised by writing as infrequently as possible and sticking to the most trivial topics. She was surprised a couple of times when she delayed her response to find that he sent her a follow-up letter, expressing some concern about why she hadn't written.
Miss Ley had never mentioned Edward’s name and Bertha surmised that she knew much of the truth. But she kept her own counsel: blessed are they who mind their own business and hold their tongues! Miss Ley, indeed, was convinced that some catastrophe had occurred, but true to her habit of allowing people to work out their lives in their own way, without interference, took care to seem unobservant; which was really very noble, for she prided herself on nothing more than on her talent for observation.
Miss Ley had never mentioned Edward’s name, and Bertha guessed that she knew a lot of the truth. But she kept her thoughts to herself: blessed are those who mind their own business and stay quiet! Miss Ley, in fact, believed that some disaster had happened, but true to her nature of letting people navigate their lives in their own way without interference, she made sure to appear unobservant; this was truly commendable, as she took pride in nothing more than her skill for observation.
“The most difficult thing for a wise woman to do,” she said, “is to pretend to be a foolish one!”
“The hardest thing for a wise woman to do,” she said, “is to act like she’s a silly one!”
Finally, she guessed Bertha’s present difficulty; and it seemed easily surmountable.
Finally, she figured out Bertha’s current problem, and it appeared to be easily fixable.
“I wish you’d come back to London with me instead of going to Court Leys,” she said. “You’ve never had a London season, have you? On the whole I think it’s amusing: the opera is very good and sometimes you see people who are quite well dressed.”
“I wish you’d come back to London with me instead of going to Court Leys,” she said. “You’ve never experienced a London season, have you? Personally, I find it pretty entertaining: the opera is really good and sometimes you see people who are dressed very well.”
Bertha did not answer, and Miss Ley, seeing her wish to accept and at the same time her hesitation, suggested that she should come for a few weeks, well knowing that a woman’s visit is apt to spin itself out for an indeterminate time.
Bertha didn't respond, and Miss Ley, noticing her desire to accept the invitation but also her reluctance, proposed that she come for a few weeks, fully aware that a woman's visit often tends to extend indefinitely.
“I’m sorry I shan’t have room for Edward too,” said Miss Ley, smiling drily, “but my flat is very small, you know.”
“I'm sorry I can't make room for Edward too,” said Miss Ley, smiling wryly, “but my apartment is really small, you know.”
They had been settled a few days in the flat at Eliot Mansions, when Bertha, coming in to breakfast one morning, found Miss Ley in a great state of suppressed amusement. She was quivering like an uncoiled spring; and she pecked at her toast and at her egg in a birdlike manner, which Bertha knew could only mean that some one had made a fool of himself, to the great entertainment of her aunt. Bertha began to laugh.
They had been living in the apartment at Eliot Mansions for a few days when Bertha walked in for breakfast one morning and found Miss Ley trying to hold back laughter. She was shaking with excitement and picking at her toast and egg like a little bird, which Bertha recognized meant that someone had embarrassed themselves, much to her aunt's amusement. Bertha couldn’t help but start laughing.
“Good Heavens,” she cried, “what has happened?”
“Good heavens,” she exclaimed, “what happened?”
“My dear—a terrible catastrophe.” Miss Ley repressed a smile, but her eyes gleamed and danced as though she were a young woman. “You don’t know Gerald Vaudrey, do you? But you know who he is.”
“My dear—a terrible catastrophe.” Miss Ley held back a smile, but her eyes sparkled and danced as if she were a young woman. “You don’t know Gerald Vaudrey, do you? But you know who he is.”
“I believe he’s a cousin of mine.”
“I think he’s a cousin of mine.”
“I’ve just had a letter from his mother to say that he’s been—er, philandering rather violently with her maid, and they’re all in despair. The maid has been sent away in hysterics, his mother and his sister are in tears, and the General’s in a passion and says he won’t have the boy in his house another day. And the little wretch is only nineteen. Disgraceful, isn’t it?”
“I just got a letter from his mom saying that he’s been—uh, messing around pretty aggressively with her maid, and they’re all really upset. The maid was sent away in tears, his mom and sister are crying, and the General is furious and says he won’t have the kid in his house for another day. And the poor guy is only nineteen. Ridiculous, right?”
“Disgraceful!” said Bertha, smiling. “I wonder what there is in a French maid that small boys should invariably make love to her.”
“Unbelievable!” said Bertha, smiling. “I wonder what it is about a French maid that little boys always end up flirting with her.”
“Oh, my dear, if you only saw my sister’s maid. She’s forty if she’s a day, and her complexion is like parchment very much the worse for wear.... But the awful part of it is that your Aunt Betty beseeches me to look after the boy. He’s going to Florida in a month, and meanwhile he’s to stay in London. Now, what I want to know, is how am I to keep a dissolute infant out of mischief. Is it the sort of thing that one would expect of me?”
“Oh, my dear, if you only saw my sister’s maid. She’s about forty, and her skin looks like worn-out parchment. But the worst part is that your Aunt Betty is begging me to watch over the boy. He’s heading to Florida in a month, but for now, he’s staying in London. So, what I want to know is how I’m supposed to keep a wild child out of trouble. Is that really something anyone would expect from me?”
Miss Ley waved her arms with comic desperation.
Miss Ley waved her arms in a dramatically funny way.
“Oh, but it’ll be great fun. We’ll reform him together. We’ll lead him on a path where French maids are not to be met at every turn and corner.”
“Oh, but it’ll be so much fun. We’ll change him together. We’ll guide him to a place where French maids aren’t around every corner.”
“My dear, you don’t know what he is. He’s an utter young scamp. He was expelled from Rugby. He’s been to half-a-dozen crammers, because they wanted him to go to Sandhurst, but he utterly refused to work; and he’s been ploughed in every exam he’s gone in for—even for the militia. So now his father has given him five hundred pounds and told him to go to the devil.”
“My dear, you have no idea who he really is. He’s a total troublemaker. He got kicked out of Rugby. He’s been to a bunch of prep schools because they wanted him to go to Sandhurst, but he completely refused to study; and he’s failed every exam he’s taken—even for the militia. So now his dad has given him five hundred pounds and told him to go figure it out on his own.”
“How rude! But why should the poor boy go to Florida?”
“How rude! But why should the poor kid go to Florida?”
“I suggested that. I know some people who’ve got an orange plantation there. And I dare say that the view of several miles of orange blossom will suggest to him that promiscuous flirtation may have unpleasant results.”
"I suggested that. I know some people who have an orange grove there. And I bet the sight of miles of orange blossoms will make him realize that casual flirting can lead to some not-so-great outcomes."
“I think I shall like him,” said Bertha.
“I think I'm going to like him,” said Bertha.
Next day, when Bertha was in the drawing-room, reading, Gerald Vaudrey was shown in. She smiled to reassure him and put out her hand in the friendliest manner; she thought he must be a little confused at meeting a stranger instead of Miss Ley, and unhappy in his disgrace.
Next day, when Bertha was in the living room, reading, Gerald Vaudrey was invited in. She smiled to make him feel at ease and extended her hand in a friendly way; she figured he might be a bit uncomfortable meeting a stranger instead of Miss Ley and feeling upset about his disgrace.
“You don’t know who I am?” she said.
“You don’t know who I am?” she asked.
“Oh yes, I do,” he replied, with a very pleasant smile. “The slavey told me Aunt Polly was out, but that you were here.”
“Oh yes, I do,” he replied with a warm smile. “The maid mentioned that Aunt Polly was out, but that you were here.”
“I’m glad you didn’t go away.”
“I'm glad you stayed.”
“I thought I shouldn’t frighten you, you know.”
“I thought I shouldn’t scare you, you know.”
Bertha opened her eyes. He was certainly not at all shy, though he looked even younger than nineteen. He was a nice boy, very slight and not so tall as Bertha, with a small, quite girlish face. He had a tiny, pretty nose, and a pink and white freckled complexion. His hair was dark and curly, he wore it somewhat long, evidently aware that it was beautiful; and his handsome green eyes had a charming expression. His sensual mouth was always smiling.
Bertha opened her eyes. He definitely wasn't shy at all, even though he looked younger than nineteen. He was a sweet kid, very thin and not as tall as Bertha, with a small, almost delicate face. He had a tiny, cute nose and a pink-and-white freckled complexion. His hair was dark and curly, worn somewhat long, clearly aware of its beauty; and his striking green eyes had a captivating look. His attractive mouth was always smiling.
“What a nice boy!” thought Bertha. “I’m sure I shall like him.”
“What a nice guy!” thought Bertha. “I’m sure I’m going to like him.”
He began to talk as if he had known her all his life, and she was entertained by the contrast between his innocent appearance and his disreputable past. He looked about the room with boyish ease and stretched himself comfortably in a big arm-chair.
He started chatting like he'd known her forever, and she found it amusing how much his innocent look clashed with his shady history. He scanned the room with a casual boyishness and settled back comfortably in a large armchair.
“Hulloa, that’s new since I was here last!” he said, pointing to an Italian bronze.
“Hullo, that’s new since I was here last!” he said, pointing to an Italian bronze.
“Have you been here often?”
"Have you been here a lot?"
“Rather! I used to come here whenever it got too hot for me at home. It’s no good scrapping with your governor, because he’s got the ooftish—it’s a jolly unfair advantage that fathers have, but they always take it. So when the old chap flew into a passion, I used to say, ‘I won’t argue with you. If you can’t treat me like a gentleman, I shall go away for a week.’ And I used to come here. Aunt Polly always gave me five quid, and said, ‘Don’t tell me how you spend it, because I shouldn’t approve; but come again when you want some more.’ She’s is a ripper, ain’t she!”
“Definitely! I used to come here whenever it got too hot for me at home. There's no point in fighting with your dad, because he has the upper hand—it’s a really unfair advantage that fathers have, but they always use it. So when my dad would get really mad, I’d say, ‘I won’t argue with you. If you can’t treat me like an adult, I’ll just leave for a week.’ And I’d come here. Aunt Polly always gave me five bucks and said, ‘Don’t tell me how you spend it, because I wouldn’t approve; but come back when you need more.’ She’s a great one, isn't she!”
“I’m sorry she’s not in.”
“Sorry, she’s not available.”
“I’m rather glad, because I can have a long talk with you till she comes. I’ve never seen you before, so I have such a lot to say.”
“I’m really glad because I can have a long chat with you until she arrives. I’ve never met you before, so I have so much to share.”
“Have you?” said Bertha, laughing. “That’s rather unusual in young men.”
“Have you?” Bertha said, laughing. “That’s pretty unusual for young guys.”
He looked so absurdly young that Bertha could not help treating him as a schoolboy; and she was amused at his communicativeness. She wanted him to tell her his escapades, but was afraid to ask.
He looked so ridiculously young that Bertha couldn't help but treat him like a schoolboy; and she was entertained by how talkative he was. She wanted him to share his stories, but was afraid to ask.
“Are you very hungry?” She thought that boys always had appetites. “Would you like some tea?”
“Are you really hungry?” She thought that guys always had big appetites. “Would you like some tea?”
“I’m starving.”
“I’m super hungry.”
She poured him out a cup, and taking it and three jam sandwiches, he sat on a footstool at her feet. He made himself quite at home.
She poured him a cup and, taking it along with three jam sandwiches, he sat on a footstool at her feet. He made himself feel right at home.
“You’ve never seen my Vaudrey cousins, have you?” he asked, with his mouth full. “I can’t stick ’em at any price, they’re such frumps. I’ll tell ’em all about you; it’ll make them beastly sick.”
“You’ve never met my Vaudrey cousins, have you?” he asked, his mouth full. “I can’t stand them for any reason; they’re such losers. I’ll tell them all about you; it’ll make them really mad.”
Bertha raised her eyebrows. “And do you object to frumps?”
Bertha raised her eyebrows. “And do you have a problem with frumps?”
“I simply loathe them. At the last tutor’s I was at, the old chap’s wife was the most awful old geezer you ever saw. So I wrote and told my mater that I was afraid my morals were being corrupted.”
“I absolutely hate them. At the last tutor’s I went to, the old guy’s wife was the worst old hag you could ever imagine. So I wrote and told my mom that I was worried my morals were being ruined.”
“And did she take you away?”
“And did she take you away?”
“Well, by a curious coincidence, the old chap wrote the very same day, and told the pater if he didn’t remove me he’d give me the shoot. So I sent in my resignation, and told him his cigars were poisonous, and cleared out.”
“Well, by a strange coincidence, the old guy wrote on the very same day, and told my dad that if he didn’t get rid of me, he’d fire me. So I submitted my resignation, told him his cigars were toxic, and left.”
“Don’t you think you’d better sit on a chair?” said Bertha. “You must be very uncomfortable on that footstool.”
“Don’t you think you should sit in a chair?” Bertha said. “You must be really uncomfortable on that footstool.”
Bertha thought Gerald rather a nice name.
Bertha thought Gerald was quite a nice name.
“How long are you staying in London?”
“How long are you staying in London?”
“Oh, only a month, worse luck. Then I’ve got to go to the States to make my fortune and reform.”
“Oh, just a month, bad luck. Then I’ll have to go to the States to make my fortune and turn my life around.”
“I hope you will.”
“Hope you do.”
“Which? One can’t do both at once, you know. You make your money first, and you reform afterwards, if you’ve got time. But whatever happens, it’ll be a good sight better than sweating away at an everlasting crammer’s. If there is one man I can’t stick at any price it’s the army crammer.”
“Which? You can’t do both at the same time, you know. You earn your money first, then you can reform later if you have time. But no matter what happens, it’ll be a lot better than toiling away at a never-ending cram school. If there’s one person I can’t stand at any cost, it’s the military cram instructor.”
“You have a large experience of them, I understand.”
“You have a lot of experience with them, I get it.”
“I wish you didn’t know all my past history. Now I shan’t have the sport of telling you.”
“I wish you didn’t know all my past. Now I won’t get to enjoy telling you.”
“I don’t think it would be edifying.”
"I don’t think it would be helpful."
“Oh yes, it would. It would show you how virtue is downtrodden (that’s me), and how vice is triumphant. I’m awfully unlucky; people sort of conspire together to look at my actions from the wrong point of view. I’ve had jolly rough luck all through. First I was bunked from Rugby. Well, that wasn’t my fault. I was quite willing to stay, and I’m blowed if I was worse than anybody else. The pater blackguarded me for six weeks, and said I was bringing his grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. Well, you know, he’s simply awfully bald; so at last I couldn’t help saying that I didn’t know where his grey hairs were going to, but it didn’t much look as if he meant to accompany them. So, after that, he sent me to a crammer who played poker. Well, he skinned me of every shilling I’d got, and then wrote and told the pater I was an immoral young dog, and corrupting his house.”
“Oh yes, it would. It would show you how virtue is stomped on (that’s me), and how vice is winning. I’ve had really bad luck; people seem to team up to see my actions in the worst light. I’ve faced tough times all along. First, I got kicked out of Rugby. Well, that wasn’t my fault. I was totally ready to stay, and I’m not worse than anyone else. Dad gave me a hard time for six weeks, saying I was bringing his grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. Well, you know, he’s super bald; so eventually, I couldn’t help but say that I didn’t know where his grey hairs were going, but it sure didn’t look like he planned to join them. After that, he sent me to a tutor who played poker. Well, he took every penny I had, and then wrote to Dad saying I was an immoral young man, corrupting his household.”
“I think we’d better change the subject, Gerald,” said Bertha.
“I think we should change the subject, Gerald,” said Bertha.
“Oh, but you must have the sequel. The next place I went to, I found none of the other fellows knew poker; so of course I thought it a sort of merciful interposition of Providence to help me to recoup myself. I told ’em not to lay up treasures in this world, and walloped in thirty quid in four days; then the old thingamygig (I forget his name, but he was a parson) told me I was making his place into a gambling-hell, and that he wouldn’t have me another day in his house. So off I toddled, and I stayed at home for six months. That gave me the fair hump, I can tell you.”
“Oh, but you’ve got to hear the sequel. At the next place I went to, I found that none of the other guys knew how to play poker; so naturally, I felt it was a kind of helpful intervention from Providence to help me recover my losses. I told them not to store up treasures in this world, and I raked in thirty quid in four days; then some old guy (I can’t remember his name, but he was a pastor) told me I was turning his place into a gambling den, and that he wouldn’t allow me to stay another day in his house. So I packed up and stayed home for six months. That really ticked me off, I can tell you.”
The conversation was disturbed by the entrance of Miss Ley.
The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Miss Ley.
“You see we’ve made friends,” said Bertha.
“You see we’ve become friends,” said Bertha.
“Gerald always does that with everybody. He’s the most gregarious person. How are you, Lothario?”
“Gerald always does that with everyone. He’s the most outgoing person. How are you, Lothario?”
“Flourishing, my Belinda,” he replied, flinging his arms round Miss Ley’s neck to her great delight and pretended indignation.
“Doing great, my Belinda,” he said, wrapping his arms around Miss Ley’s neck, much to her delight and faux outrage.
“You’re irrepressible,” she said. “I expected to find you in sackcloth and ashes, penitent and silent.”
“You're unstoppable,” she said. “I thought I’d find you in sackcloth and ashes, feeling sorry for yourself and quiet.”
“My dear Aunt Polly, ask me to do anything you like, except to repent and to hold my tongue.”
“My dear Aunt Polly, ask me to do anything you want, except to repent and stay silent.”
“You know your mother has asked me to look after you.”
“You know your mom asked me to take care of you.”
“I like being looked after—and is Bertha going to help?”
“I like being taken care of—so is Bertha going to help?”
“I’ve been thinking it over,” added Miss Ley. “And the only way I can think to keep you out of mischief is to make you spend your evenings with me. So you’d better go home now and dress. I know there’s nothing you like better than changing your clothes.”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” Miss Ley said. “And the only way I can see to keep you out of trouble is to have you spend your evenings with me. So you’d better head home now and get ready. I know there’s nothing you enjoy more than changing your clothes.”
Meanwhile Bertha observed with astonishment that Gerald was simply devouring her with his eyes. It was impossible not to see his evident admiration.
Meanwhile, Bertha noticed in amazement that Gerald was just consuming her with his gaze. It was impossible not to notice his clear admiration.
“The boy must be mad,” she thought, but could not help feeling a little flattered.
“The boy must be crazy,” she thought, but she couldn't help feeling a bit flattered.
“He’s been telling me some dreadful stories,” she said to Miss Ley, when he had gone. “I hope they’re not true.”
“He's been sharing some terrible stories with me,” she said to Miss Ley after he had left. “I really hope they're not true.”
“He looks so young. I can’t believe that he’s really very naughty.”
“He looks so young. I can’t believe he’s actually very naughty.”
“Well, my dear, there’s no doubt about his mother’s maid. The evidence is of the—most conclusive order. I know I should be dreadfully angry with him, but every one is so virtuous now-a-days that a change is quite refreshing. And he’s so young, he may reform. Englishmen start galloping to the devil, but as they grow older they nearly always change horses and amble along gently to respectability, a wife, and seventeen children.”
“Well, my dear, there's no doubt about his mother’s maid. The evidence is absolutely convincing. I know I should be really angry with him, but everyone is so virtuous these days that a change is quite refreshing. And he’s so young, he might turn his life around. Englishmen rush headlong into trouble, but as they get older, they almost always switch to a more reasonable path and settle down with a wife and seventeen kids.”
“I like the contrast of his green eyes and his dark hair.”
"I love the way his green eyes stand out against his dark hair."
“My dear, it can’t be denied that he’s made to capture the feminine heart. I never try to resist him myself. He’s so extremely convincing when he tells you some outrageous fib.”
“My dear, it’s clear that he knows how to win a woman’s heart. I never even try to resist him myself. He’s really convincing when he tells you some outrageous lie.”
Bertha went to her room and looked at herself in the glass, then put on her most becoming dinner-dress.
Bertha went to her room and looked at herself in the mirror, then put on her most flattering dinner dress.
“Good gracious,” said Miss Ley. “You’ve not put that on for Gerald? You’ll turn the boy’s head, he’s dreadfully susceptible.”
“Goodness,” said Miss Ley. “You didn’t wear that for Gerald, did you? You’re going to make him lose his mind; he’s so easily influenced.”
Chapter XXIX
“You’ve quite captured Gerald’s heart,” said Miss Ley to Bertha a day or two later. “He’s confided to me that he thinks you ‘perfectly stunning.’”
“You’ve really captured Gerald’s heart,” Miss Ley said to Bertha a day or two later. “He’s told me that he thinks you ‘perfectly stunning.’”
“He’s a very nice boy,” said Bertha, laughing.
“He's a really nice guy,” Bertha said, laughing.
The youth’s outspoken admiration could not fail to increase her liking; and she was amused by the stare of his green eyes, which, with a woman’s peculiar sense, she felt even when her back was turned. They followed her; they rested on her hair and on her beautiful hands; when she wore a low dress they burnt themselves on her neck and breast; she felt them travel along her arms, and embrace her figure. They were the most caressing, smiling eyes, but with a certain mystery in their emerald depths. Bertha did not neglect to put herself in positions wherein Gerald could see her to advantage; and when he looked at her hands she could not be expected to withdraw them as though she were ashamed. Few Englishmen see anything in a woman, but her face; and it seldom occurs to them that her hand has the most delicate outlines, all grace and gentleness, with tapering fingers and rosy nails; they never look for the thousand things it has to say.
The young man’s open admiration only made her like him more, and she found it amusing how his green eyes seemed to watch her, even when her back was turned. They followed her gaze, resting on her hair and beautiful hands; when she wore a low-cut dress, they burned into her neck and chest. She felt them travel along her arms and wrap around her figure. They were the most affectionate, smiling eyes, yet held a certain mystery in their emerald depths. Bertha made sure to position herself so Gerald could see her at her best, and when he looked at her hands, she couldn’t be expected to hide them as if she were embarrassed. Few English men see anything in a woman beyond her face; they rarely consider that her hands have the most delicate contours, full of elegance and softness, with slender fingers and rosy nails; they never notice the countless messages her hands can convey.
“Don’t you know it’s very rude to stare like that,” said Bertha, with a smile, turning round suddenly.
“Don’t you know it’s really rude to stare like that?” Bertha said with a smile, suddenly turning around.
“I beg your pardon, I didn’t know you were looking.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were watching.”
“I wasn’t, but I saw you all the same.”
“I wasn’t, but I saw you anyway.”
She smiled at him most engagingly and she saw a sudden flame leap into his eyes. A married woman is always gratified by the capture of a youth’s fickle heart: it is an unsolicited testimonial to her charms, and has the great advantage of being completely free from danger. She tells herself that there is no better training for a boy than to fall in love with a really nice woman a good deal older than himself. It teaches him how to behave and keeps him from getting into mischief: how often have callow youths been known to ruin their lives by falling into the clutches of some horrid adventuress with yellow hair and painted cheeks! Since she is old enough to be his mother, the really nice woman thinks there can be no harm in flirting with the poor boy, and it seems to please him: so she makes him fetch and carry, and dazzles him, and drives him quite distracted, till his youthful fickleness comes to the rescue and he falls passionately enamoured of a barmaid—when, of course, she calls him an ungrateful and low-minded wretch, regrets she was so mistaken in his character, and tells him never to come near her again.
She smiled at him in the most charming way, and she noticed a spark ignite in his eyes. A married woman always feels pleased when a young man's fickle heart gets caught in her web; it’s an unrequested compliment to her appeal and has the added bonus of being totally free from risk. She convinces herself that there's no better way for a boy to learn than to fall in love with a genuinely nice woman who is quite a bit older than him. It teaches him how to act and helps keep him out of trouble: how many inexperienced young guys have destroyed their lives by falling for some terrible gold digger with bleached hair and heavy makeup! Since she’s old enough to be his mother, the truly nice woman believes there’s no harm in flirting with the poor boy, and it seems to make him happy: so she gets him to run errands for her, dazzles him, and drives him a little crazy, until his youthful unpredictability comes to play and he falls head over heels for a barmaid—when, of course, she calls him an ungrateful and lowly creature, regrets being so wrong about his character, and tells him never to come near her again.
This of course only refers to the women that men fall in love with; it is well known that the others have the strictest views on the subject, and would sooner die than trifle with any one’s affections.
This obviously only applies to the women that men fall in love with; it’s well known that the others have very strict opinions on the subject and would rather die than play with anyone's feelings.
Gerald had the charming gift of becoming intimate with people at the shortest notice, and a cousin is an agreeable relation (especially when she’s pretty), with whom it is easy to get on. The relationship is not so close as to warrant chronic disagreeableness, and close enough to permit personalities, which are the most amusing part of conversation.
Gerald had the delightful ability to connect with people in no time, and a cousin is a pleasant relative (especially when she’s attractive) with whom it’s easy to get along. The bond isn’t so tight that it leads to constant tension, but it’s close enough to allow for personal quirks, which are the most entertaining part of conversation.
Within a week Gerald took to spending his whole day with Bertha, and she found the London season much more amusing than she had expected. She looked back with distaste to her only two visits to town. One had been her honeymoon, and the other the first separation from her husband: it was odd that in retrospect both seem equally dreary. Edward had almost disappeared from her thoughts, and she exulted like a captive free from chains. Her only annoyance was his often-expressed desire to see her. Why could he not leave her alone, as she left him? He was perpetually asking when she would return to Court Leys; and she had to invent excuses to prevent his coming to London. She loathed the idea of seeing him again.
Within a week, Gerald started spending all his time with Bertha, and she found the London season way more fun than she had expected. She looked back with disdain at her only two visits to the city. One was her honeymoon, and the other was the first time she was apart from her husband; it was strange that in hindsight both seemed equally dull. Edward had almost faded from her mind, and she felt like a prisoner set free. Her only annoyance was his constant need to see her. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone like she left him? He was always asking when she would come back to Court Leys, and she had to make up excuses to keep him from coming to London. She couldn't stand the idea of seeing him again.
But she put aside these thoughts when Gerald came to fetch her, sometimes for a bicycle ride in Battersea Park, sometimes to spend an hour in one of the museums. It is no wonder that the English are a populous race when one observes how many are the resorts supplied by the munificence of governing bodies for the express purpose of philandering. On a hot day what spot can be more enchanting than the British Museum, cool, silent, and roomy, with harmless statues which tell no tales, and afford matter for conversation to break an awkward pause?
But she pushed these thoughts aside when Gerald came to pick her up, sometimes for a bike ride in Battersea Park, sometimes to spend an hour in one of the museums. It's no surprise that the English are a populous nation when you see how many places are provided by the generosity of the government for the purpose of flirting. On a hot day, what place can be more charming than the British Museum—cool, quiet, and spacious, with harmless statues that don’t share any stories but give you something to chat about to ease an awkward silence?
The parks also are eminently suited for those whose fancy turns to thoughts of Platonic love. Hyde Park is the fitting scene for an idyll in which Corydon wears patent-leather boots and a top-hat, while Phyllis has an exquisite frock which suits her perfectly. The well-kept lawns, the artificial water and the trim paths, give a mock rurality which is infinitely amusing to persons who do not wish to take things too seriously. Here, in the summer mornings, Gerald and Bertha spent much time. It pleased her to listen to his chatter, and to look into his green eyes; he was such a very nice boy, and seemed so much attached to her! Besides, he was only in London for a month, and, quite secure in his departure, she could afford to let him fall a little in love.
The parks are also perfect for those who dream of Platonic love. Hyde Park is the perfect backdrop for a scene where Corydon wears shiny boots and a top hat, while Phyllis looks stunning in a dress that fits her perfectly. The well-maintained lawns, the artificial lake, and the neat paths create a playful rural vibe that is endlessly entertaining for those who prefer not to take life too seriously. Here, on summer mornings, Gerald and Bertha spent a lot of time together. She loved listening to his chatter and looking into his green eyes; he was such a nice guy and seemed really into her! Plus, he was only in London for a month, which made her feel safe in letting him fall a little in love.
“Are you sorry you’re going away so soon?” she asked.
“Are you going to miss me since you're leaving so soon?” she asked.
“I shall be miserable at leaving you.”
"I'll be so unhappy to leave you."
“It’s nice of you to say so.”
“It’s kind of you to say that.”
Bit by bit she extracted from him his discreditable history. Bertha was possessed by a curiosity to know details, which she elicited artfully, making him confess his iniquities that she might pretend to be angry. It gave her a curious thrill, partly of admiration, to think that he was such a depraved young person, and she looked at him with a sort of amused wonder. He was very different from the virtuous Edward. A childlike innocence shone out of his handsome eyes, and yet he had already tasted the wine of many emotions. Bertha felt somewhat envious of the sex which gave opportunity, and the spirit which gave power, to seize life boldly, and wring from it all it had to offer.
Bit by bit, she got him to reveal his shady past. Bertha was curious to know the details, which she skillfully drew out of him, making him admit his wrongdoings so she could pretend to be upset. It gave her a strange thrill, partly admiration, to think of him as such a wild young man, and she looked at him with a mix of amusement and wonder. He was nothing like the virtuous Edward. A childlike innocence sparkled in his handsome eyes, yet he had already experienced many emotions. Bertha felt a bit envious of the freedom and boldness that came with being a man, the power to grasp life and make the most of what it offered.
“I ought to refuse to speak to you any more,” she said. “I ought to be ashamed of you.”
“I should refuse to talk to you anymore,” she said. “I should be ashamed of you.”
“But you’re not. That’s why you’re such a ripper.”
“But you’re not. That’s why you’re such a legend.”
How could she be angry with a boy who adored her? His very perversity fascinated her. Here was a man who would never hesitate to go to the devil for a woman, and Bertha was pleased at the compliment to her sex.
How could she be mad at a boy who adored her? His rebelliousness intrigued her. Here was a guy who would never think twice about getting into trouble for a woman, and Bertha was flattered by the compliment to her gender.
One evening Miss Ley was dining out, and Gerald asked Bertha to come to dinner with him, and then to the opera. She refused, thinking of the expense; but he was so eager, and she really so anxious to go, that finally she consented.
One evening, Miss Ley was out to dinner, and Gerald asked Bertha to join him for dinner and then go to the opera. She said no, considering the cost; but he was so enthusiastic, and she truly wanted to go, that in the end, she agreed.
“Poor boy, he’s going away so soon, I may as well be nice to him.”
"Poor kid, he's leaving so soon, I might as well be nice to him."
Gerald arrived in high spirits, looking even more boyish than usual.
Gerald showed up in great spirits, looking even more youthful than usual.
“I’m really afraid to go out with you,” said Bertha. “People will think you’re my son. ‘Dear me, who’d have thought she was forty!’”
“I’m really scared to go out with you,” said Bertha. “People will think you’re my son. ‘Wow, who would’ve guessed she was forty!’”
“What rot!” He looked at her beautiful gown. Like all really nice women, Bertha was extremely careful to be always well dressed. “By Jove, you are a stunner!”
“What nonsense!” He looked at her beautiful gown. Like all truly classy women, Bertha was very careful to always be well dressed. “Wow, you are a knockout!”
“My dear child, I’m old enough to be your mother.”
“My dear child, I’m old enough to be your mom.”
They drove off—to a restaurant which Gerald, boylike, had chosen, because common report pronounced it the dearest in London. Bertha was much amused by the bustle, the glitter of women in diamonds, the busy waiters gliding to and fro, the glare of the electric light: and her eyes rested with approval on the handsome boy in front of her. She could not keep in check the recklessness with which he insisted on ordering the most expensive things; and when they arrived at the opera, she found he had a box.
They drove off to a restaurant that Gerald, with a boyish enthusiasm, had picked because everyone said it was the most expensive in London. Bertha was entertained by the hustle and bustle, the sparkle of women in diamonds, the busy waiters moving around, and the bright electric lights. She looked at the handsome boy in front of her with approval. She couldn't hold back her laughter as he confidently ordered the costliest items; and when they got to the opera, she discovered he had a private box.
“Oh, you wretch,” she cried. “You must be utterly ruined.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” she exclaimed. “You must be completely destroyed.”
“Oh, I’ve got five hundred quid,” he replied, laughing. “I must blue some of it.”
“Oh, I’ve got five hundred bucks,” he replied, laughing. “I’ve got to spend some of it.”
“But why on earth did you get a box?”
“But why in the world did you get a box?”
“But you promised to get cheap seats.”
“But you promised to get affordable tickets.”
“And I wanted to be alone with you.”
“And I wanted to be alone with you.”
He was by nature a flatterer; and few women could withstand the cajolery of his green eyes, and of his charming smile.
He was naturally a flatterer, and few women could resist the charm of his green eyes and his appealing smile.
“He must be very fond of me,” thought Bertha, as they drove home, and she put her arm in his to express her thanks and her appreciation.
“She must really like me,” thought Bertha, as they drove home, and she linked her arm with his to show her gratitude and appreciation.
“It’s very nice of you to have been so good to me. I always thought you were a nice boy.”
“It’s really sweet of you to have been so good to me. I’ve always thought you were a nice guy.”
“I’d do more than that for you.”
“I’d go above and beyond for you.”
He would have given the rest of his five hundred pounds for one kiss. She knew it, and was pleased, but gave him no encouragement, and for once he was bashful. They separated at her doorstep with the quietest handshake.
He would have given the rest of his five hundred pounds for just one kiss. She knew it and felt happy about it, but didn’t encourage him at all, and for once, he was shy. They parted at her doorstep with the softest handshake.
“It’s awfully kind of you to have come.”
“It’s really nice of you to have come.”
He appeared immensely grateful to her. Her conscience pricked her now that he had spent so much money; but she liked him all the more.
He looked really grateful to her. She felt guilty now that he had spent so much money, but it made her like him even more.
Gerald’s month was nearly over, and Bertha was astonished that he occupied her thoughts so much. She did not know that she was so fond of him.
Gerald's month was almost up, and Bertha was shocked at how much he occupied her mind. She didn't realize she cared for him so much.
“I wish he weren’t going,” she said, and then quickly: “but of course it’s much better that he should!”
“I wish he wasn’t going,” she said, and then quickly: “but of course it’s way better that he should!”
At that moment the boy appeared.
At that moment, the boy showed up.
“This day week you’ll be on the sea, Gerald,” she said. “Then you’ll be sorry for all your iniquities.”
“This time next week you'll be at sea, Gerald,” she said. “Then you'll regret all your wrongdoings.”
“No!” he answered, sitting in the position he most affected, at Bertha’s feet.
“No!” he replied, sitting in his usual position, at Bertha’s feet.
“No—which?”
“Which one?”
“I shan’t be sorry,” he replied, with a smile, “and I’m not going away.”
“I won’t be sorry,” he said with a smile, “and I’m not going anywhere.”
“What d’you mean?”
"What do you mean?"
“I’ve altered my plans. The man I’m going to said I could start at the beginning of the month or a fortnight later.”
“I’ve changed my plans. The guy I’m going to is okay with me starting at the beginning of the month or two weeks later.”
“I had nothing to stay for. Now I have, that’s all.”
“I had nothing to stick around for. Now I do, that’s all.”
Bertha looked at him, and caught his shining eyes fixed intently upon her. She became grave.
Bertha looked at him and noticed his bright eyes staring intensely at her. She grew serious.
“You’re not angry?” he asked, changing his tone. “I thought you wouldn’t mind. I don’t want to leave you.”
“You’re not upset?” he asked, shifting his tone. “I thought you’d be okay with it. I don’t want to go without you.”
He looked at her so earnestly and tears came to his eyes, Bertha could not help being touched.
He looked at her so sincerely that tears filled his eyes, and Bertha couldn’t help but feel moved.
“I’m very glad that you should stay, dear. I didn’t want you to go so soon. We’ve been such good friends.”
“I’m really happy you’re staying, dear. I didn’t want you to leave so soon. We’ve been such good friends.”
She passed her fingers through his curly hair and over his ears; but he started, and shivered.
She ran her fingers through his curly hair and over his ears; but he flinched and shivered.
“Don’t do that,” he said, pushing her hand away.
“Don’t do that,” he said, pushing her hand away.
“Why not?” she cried, laughing. “Are you frightened of me?”
“Why not?” she exclaimed, laughing. “Are you scared of me?”
And caressingly she passed her hand over his ears again.
And gently, she ran her hand over his ears again.
“Oh, you don’t know what pain that gives me.”
“Oh, you have no idea how much that hurts me.”
He sprang up, and to her astonishment Bertha saw that he was pale and trembling.
He jumped up, and to her surprise, Bertha saw that he was pale and shaking.
“I feel I shall go mad when you touch me.”
“I think I’m going to lose my mind when you touch me.”
Suddenly she saw the burning passion in his eyes; it was love that made him tremble. Bertha gave a little cry, and a curious sensation pressed her heart. Then without warning, the boy seized her hands and falling on his knees before her, kissed them repeatedly. His hot breath made Bertha tremble too, and the kisses burnt themselves into her flesh. She snatched her hands away.
Suddenly she saw the intense passion in his eyes; it was love that made him shake. Bertha let out a small gasp, and an unusual feeling tightened around her heart. Then, without any warning, the boy grabbed her hands and knelt down in front of her, kissing them over and over. His warm breath made Bertha shiver as the kisses seared into her skin. She quickly pulled her hands away.
“I’ve wanted to do that so long,” he whispered.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he whispered.
She was too deeply moved to answer, but stood looking at him.
She was too overwhelmed to respond but kept staring at him.
“You must be mad, Gerald.” She pretended to laugh.
“You must be crazy, Gerald.” She faked a laugh.
“Bertha!”
“Bertha!”
They stood very close together; he was about to put his arms round her. And for an instant she had an insane desire to let him do what he would, to let him kiss her lips as he had kissed her hands; and she wanted to kiss his mouth, and the curly hair, and his cheeks soft as a girl’s. But she recovered herself.
They stood really close together; he was about to wrap his arms around her. And for a moment, she had a wild urge to let him do whatever he wanted, to let him kiss her lips like he had kissed her hands; and she wanted to kiss his mouth, his curly hair, and his cheeks as soft as a girl’s. But she pulled herself together.
He could not speak; he looked at her, his green eyes sparkling with desire.
He couldn't speak; he looked at her, his green eyes shining with desire.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“My dear boy, do you want me to succeed your mother’s maid?”
“My dear boy, do you want me to take over as your mother’s maid?”
“Oh!” he gave a groan and turned red.
“Oh!” he groaned and turned red.
“I’m glad you’re staying on. You’ll be able to see Edward, who’s coming to town. You’ve never met my husband, have you?”
“I’m really glad you’re staying. You’ll get to see Edward, who’s coming to town. You’ve never met my husband, right?”
His lips twitched, and he seemed to struggle to compose himself. Then he threw himself on a chair and buried his face in his hands. He seemed so little, so young—and he loved her. Bertha looked at him for a moment, and tears came to her eyes. She called herself brutal, and put her hand on his shoulder.
His lips twitched, and he seemed to be trying hard to pull himself together. Then he collapsed into a chair and buried his face in his hands. He seemed so small, so young—and he loved her. Bertha looked at him for a moment, and tears filled her eyes. She called herself cruel and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“Gerald!” He did not look up. “Gerald, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for what I said.”
“Gerald!” He didn’t look up. “Gerald, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m really sorry for what I said.”
She bent down and drew his hands away from his face.
She leaned down and pulled his hands away from his face.
“Are you cross with me?” he asked, almost tearfully.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, almost in tears.
“No,” she answered, caressingly. “But you mustn’t be silly, dearest. You know I’m old enough to be your mother.”
“No,” she replied gently. “But you shouldn’t be silly, darling. You know I’m old enough to be your mother.”
Chapter XXX
BERTHA still felt on her hands Gerald’s passionate kisses, like little patches of fire; and on her lips was still the touch of his boyish mouth. What magic current had passed from him to her that she should feel this sudden happiness? It was enchanting to think that Gerald loved her; she remembered how his eyes had sparkled, how his voice had grown hoarse so that he could hardly speak: ah, those were the signs of real love, of the love that is mighty and triumphant. Bertha put her hands to her heart with a rippling laugh of pure joy—for she was beloved. The kisses tingled on her fingers so that she looked at them with surprise, she seemed almost to see a mark of burning. She was very grateful to him, she wanted to take his head in her hands and kiss his hair and his boyish eyes and again the soft lips. She told herself that she would be a mother to him.
BERTHA could still feel Gerald’s passionate kisses on her hands, like little patches of fire, and the memory of his boyish mouth lingered on her lips. What kind of magical connection had passed between them that made her feel this sudden happiness? It was enchanting to think that Gerald loved her; she recalled how his eyes had sparkled and how his voice had turned hoarse, barely able to speak: ah, those were the signs of true love, the kind that is powerful and victorious. Bertha placed her hands over her heart with a bubbling laugh of pure joy—for she was loved. The kisses tingled on her fingertips, making her look at them in surprise, as if she could almost see a mark of burning. She felt very grateful to him and wanted to take his head in her hands, kiss his hair, his boyish eyes, and those soft lips again. She told herself that she would be a mother to him.
The day following he had come to her almost shyly, afraid that she would be angry, and the bashfulness contrasting with his usual happy audacity, had charmed her. It flattered her extremely to think that he was her humble slave, to see the pleasure he took in doing as she bade; but she could hardly believe it true that he loved her, and she wished to reassure herself. It gave her a queer thrill to see him turn white when she held his hand, to see him tremble when she leaned on his arm. She stroked his hair and was delighted with the anguish in his eyes.
The day after, he came to her almost shyly, worried that she might be upset, and his bashfulness, which was so different from his usual cheerful boldness, captivated her. It pleased her a lot to think of him as her devoted admirer, noticing the joy he found in following her wishes; but she could hardly believe that he truly loved her, and she wanted to reassure herself. It gave her a strange thrill to see him turn pale when she held his hand, to see him shake when she leaned on his arm. She ran her fingers through his hair and felt delighted by the anguish in his eyes.
“Don’t do that,” he cried. “Please. You don’t know how it hurts.”
“Don’t do that,” he shouted. “Please. You don’t understand how much it hurts.”
“I was hardly touching you,” she replied, laughing.
“I was barely touching you,” she replied, laughing.
She saw in his eyes glistening tears—they were tears of passion, and she could scarcely restrain a cry of triumph. At last she was loved as she wished, she gloried in her power: here at last was one who would not hesitate to lose his soul for her sake. She was intensely grateful. But her heart grew cold when she thought it was too late, that it was no good: he was only a boy, and she was married and—nearly thirty.
She saw glistening tears in his eyes—they were tears of passion, and she could barely hold back a cry of triumph. Finally, she was loved as she had always wanted; she reveled in her power: here was someone who wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice everything for her. She felt deeply grateful. But her heart turned cold when she realized it was too late, that it wouldn’t work: he was just a boy, and she was married and—almost thirty.
But even then, why should she attempt to stop him? If it was the love she dreamt of, nothing could destroy it. And there was no harm; Gerald said nothing to which she might not listen, and he was so much younger than she, he was going in less than a month and it would all be over. Why should she not enjoy the modest crumbs that the gods let fall from their table—it was little enough, in all conscience! How foolish is he who will not bask in the sun of St. Martin’s summer, because it heralds the winter as surely as the east wind!
But even then, why should she try to stop him? If it was the love she dreamed of, nothing could ruin it. And there was no danger; Gerald didn’t say anything that she couldn’t handle, and he was so much younger than her, plus he was leaving in less than a month and it would all be over. Why shouldn’t she enjoy the small blessings that life allowed—there was so little, after all! How foolish is the person who won’t soak up the warmth of St. Martin’s summer, just because it signals the winter’s arrival as certainly as the east wind!
They spent the whole day together to Miss Ley’s amusement, who for once did not use her sharp eyes to much effect.
They spent the whole day together, much to Miss Ley’s amusement, who for once didn’t put her sharp eyes to much use.
“I’m so thankful to you, Bertha, for looking after the lad. His mother ought to be eternally grateful to you for keeping him out of mischief.”
“I really appreciate you, Bertha, for taking care of the boy. His mother should be forever grateful to you for keeping him out of trouble.”
“I’m very glad if I have,” said Bertha, “he’s such a nice boy, and I’m so fond of him. I should be very sorry if he got into trouble.... I’m rather anxious about him afterwards.”
“I’m really glad if I have,” said Bertha, “he’s such a nice guy, and I like him a lot. I would be really upset if he got into trouble.... I’m pretty worried about him afterwards.”
“My dear, don’t be; because he’s certain to get into scrapes—it’s his nature—but it’s likewise his nature to get out of them. He’ll swear eternal devotion to half-a-dozen fair damsels, and ride away rejoicing, while they are left to weep upon one another’s bosoms. It’s some men’s nature to break women’s hearts.”
"My dear, don’t worry; he’s bound to get into trouble—that’s just who he is—but it’s also who he is to get out of it. He’ll profess his everlasting love to a handful of lovely ladies and ride off happily, leaving them to cry on each other’s shoulders. Some men are just made to break women’s hearts."
“I think he’s only a little wild: he means no harm.”
"I think he’s just a bit wild; he doesn’t mean any harm."
“These sort of people never do; that’s what makes their wrong-doing so much more fatal.”
“These kinds of people never do; that’s what makes their wrongdoing so much more serious.”
“And he’s so affectionate.”
"And he's really affectionate."
“I am,” said Bertha. “Madly!”
“I am,” said Bertha. “Crazy!”
The plain truth is often the surest way to hoodwink people, more especially when it is told unconsciously. Women of fifty have an irritating habit of treating as contemporaries all persons of their own sex who are over twenty-five, and it never struck Miss Ley that Bertha might look upon Gerald as anything but a little boy.
The straightforward truth is often the easiest way to deceive people, especially when it's said without thinking. Women in their fifties have an annoying tendency to consider all women over twenty-five as their peers, and Miss Ley never realized that Bertha might see Gerald as anything other than a little kid.
But Edward could no longer be kept in the country. Bertha was astonished that he should wish to see her, and a little annoyed, for now of all times his presence would be importunate. She did not wish to have her dream disturbed, she knew it was nothing else; it was a mere spring day of happiness in the long winter of life. She looked at Gerald now with a heavy heart and could not bear to think of the future. How empty would existence be without that joyous smile; above all, without that ardent passion! This love was wonderful; it surrounded her like a mystic fire and lifted her up so that she seemed to walk on air. But things always come too late or come by halves. Why should all her passion have been squandered and flung to the winds, so that now when a beautiful youth offered her his virgin heart, she had nothing to give in exchange? Bertha told herself that though she was extremely fond of Gerald, of course she did not love him; he was a mere boy!
But Edward could no longer stay in the country. Bertha was surprised that he wanted to see her and a bit annoyed, because of all times, his presence would be inconvenient now. She didn’t want her dream to be interrupted; she knew it wasn't anything more than that—a brief day of happiness in the long winter of life. She looked at Gerald with a heavy heart and couldn’t bear to think about the future. How empty would life be without that joyful smile? Above all, without that intense passion! This love was incredible; it surrounded her like a mystical fire and lifted her so high that she felt like she was walking on air. But things always come too late or only partially. Why should all her passion have been wasted and scattered, so now, when a beautiful young man offered her his pure heart, she had nothing to give in return? Bertha told herself that even though she liked Gerald a lot, she definitely didn’t love him—he was just a kid!
She was a little nervous at the meeting between him and Edward; she wondered what they would think of one another, and she watched—Gerald! Edward came in like a country breeze, obstreperously healthy, jovial, large, and somewhat bald. Miss Ley trembled lest he should knock her china over as he went round the room. He kissed her on one cheek, and Bertha on the other.
She felt a bit anxious during the meeting between him and Edward; she was curious about their impressions of each other, and she observed—Gerald! Edward entered like a refreshing country breeze, boisterously healthy, cheerful, big, and slightly bald. Miss Ley was nervous he might knock over her china as he moved around the room. He gave her a kiss on one cheek and Bertha on the other.
“Well, how are you all?—And this is my young cousin, eh? How are you? Pleased to meet you.”
“Hey, how’s everyone doing?—And this is my younger cousin, right? How’s it going? Nice to meet you.”
He wrung Gerald’s hand, towering over him, beaming good-naturedly; then sat in a chair much too small for him, which creaked and grumbled at his weight. There are few sensations more amusing for a woman than to look at the husband she has once adored and think how very unnecessary he is; but it is apt to make conversation a little difficult. Miss Ley soon carried Gerald off, thinking that husband and wife should enjoy a little of that isolation to which marriage had indissolubly doomed them. Bertha had been awaiting, with great discomfort, the necessary ordeal. She had nothing to tell Edward, and was much afraid that he would be sentimental.
He shook Gerald’s hand, standing over him with a friendly smile; then he sat down in a chair that was way too small for him, which creaked and groaned under his weight. There are few things more amusing for a woman than to look at the husband she once adored and realize how unnecessary he is; but it can make conversation a bit tricky. Miss Ley soon took Gerald away, thinking that the husband and wife should have some of that isolation that marriage has inescapably trapped them in. Bertha had been waiting, feeling quite uncomfortable, for the necessary awkwardness. She had nothing to share with Edward and was really worried that he would get sentimental.
“Where are you staying?” she asked.
“Where are you staying?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m putting up at the Inns of Court—I always go there.”
“Oh, I’m staying at the Inns of Court—I always go there.”
“I thought you might care to go to the theatre to-night. I’ve got a box, so that Aunt Polly and Gerald can come too.”
“I thought you might want to go to the theater tonight. I have a box, so Aunt Polly and Gerald can come along too.”
“I’m game for anything you like.”
“I’m up for anything you want.”
“You always were the best-tempered man,” said Bertha, smiling gently.
“You always were the most good-natured guy,” said Bertha, smiling softly.
“You don’t seem to care very much for my society, all the same.”
“You don’t really seem to care much about my social circle, anyway.”
Bertha looked up quickly. “What makes you think that?”
Bertha looked up quickly. “Why do you think that?”
“Well, you’re a precious long time coming back to Court Leys,” he replied, laughing.
“Well, it took you a while to come back to Court Leys,” he said, laughing.
Bertha was relieved, for evidently he was not taking the matter seriously. She had not the courage to say that she meant never to return: the endless explanation, his wonder, the impossibility of making him understand, were more than she could bear.
Bertha felt a sense of relief because it was clear he wasn't taking the situation seriously. She didn't have the guts to say that she planned to never come back; the constant need to explain, his confusion, and the challenge of helping him understand were more than she could handle.
“When are you coming back? We all miss you, like anything.”
“When are you coming back? We all miss you so much.”
“Do you?” she said. “I really don’t know. We’ll see after the season.”
“Do you?” she asked. “I honestly don’t know. We’ll find out after the season.”
“What? Aren’t you coming for another couple of months?”
“What? You’re not coming for another couple of months?”
“I don’t think Blackstable suits me very well. I’m always ill there.”
“I don’t think Blackstable is a good fit for me. I’m always sick there.”
“Oh, nonsense. It’s the finest air in England. Deathrate practically nil.”
“Oh, come on. It’s the best air in England. The death rate is practically zero.”
She looked at him anxiously to see how he would take the tentative remark: but he was only astonished.
She looked at him nervously to gauge his reaction to her uncertain comment: but he was just surprised.
“Happy? Yes, rather. Of course we had our little tiffs. All people do. But they were chiefly at first, the road was a bit rough and we hadn’t got our tyres properly blown out. I’m sure I’ve got nothing to complain about.”
“Happy? Yes, definitely. Of course we had our little disagreements. Everyone does. But they were mostly at the beginning; the road was a bit bumpy and we hadn’t inflated our tires properly. I’m sure I have nothing to complain about.”
“That of course is the chief thing,” said Bertha.
"That's obviously the main thing," Bertha said.
“You look as well as anything now. I don’t see why you shouldn’t come back.”
“You look fine now. I don’t see why you shouldn’t come back.”
“Well, we’ll see later. We shall have plenty of time to talk it over.”
“Well, we’ll see about it later. We’ll have plenty of time to discuss it.”
She was afraid to speak the words on the tip of her tongue; it would be easier by correspondence.
She was scared to say the words that were on the tip of her tongue; it would be easier to do it in writing.
“I wish you’d give some fixed date—so that I could have things ready, and tell people.”
“I wish you’d give a specific date—so I could get everything ready and let people know.”
“It depends upon Aunt Polly; I really can’t say for certain. I’ll write to you.”
“It depends on Aunt Polly; I really can’t say for sure. I’ll write to you.”
They kept silence for a moment and then an idea seized Bertha.
They fell quiet for a moment, and then an idea struck Bertha.
“What d’you say to going to the Natural History Museum? Don’t you remember, we went there on our honeymoon? I’m sure it would amuse you to see it again.”
"What do you think about going to the Natural History Museum? Don’t you remember, we visited it on our honeymoon? I’m sure you’d find it entertaining to see it again."
“Would you like to go?” asked Edward.
“Do you want to go?” Edward asked.
“I’m sure it would amuse you,” she replied.
“I’m sure it would make you laugh,” she replied.
Next day while Bertha was shopping with her husband, Gerald and Miss Ley sat alone.
Next day while Bertha was out shopping with her husband, Gerald and Miss Ley sat together alone.
“Are you very disconsolate without Bertha?” she asked.
“Are you really upset without Bertha?” she asked.
“Utterly miserable!”
"Completely miserable!"
“That’s very rude to me, dear boy.”
"That's really rude to me, dear boy."
“I’m awfully sorry, but I can never be polite to more than one person at a time: and I’ve been using up all my good manners on—Mr. Craddock.”
“I’m really sorry, but I can’t be polite to more than one person at a time: and I’ve been using all my good manners on—Mr. Craddock.”
“I’m glad you like him,” replied Miss Ley, smiling.
“I’m glad you like him,” Miss Ley said, smiling.
“I don’t!”
"I don't!"
“He’s a very worthy man.”
“He’s a really good guy.”
“Perhaps it was Bertha’s suggestion.”
“Maybe it was Bertha’s idea.”
“She must find Mr. Craddock precious dull if she prefers blackbeetles and stuffed kangaroos.”
“She must find Mr. Craddock pretty boring if she likes cockroaches and stuffed kangaroos.”
“You shouldn’t draw such rapid conclusions, my friend.”
“You shouldn’t jump to conclusions so quickly, my friend.”
“D’you think she’s fond of him?”
“Do you think she likes him?”
“My dear Gerald, what a question! Is it not her duty to love, honour, and obey him?”
“My dear Gerald, what a question! Isn’t it her responsibility to love, honor, and obey him?”
“If I were a woman I could never honour a man who was bald.”
“If I were a woman, I could never respect a man who was bald.”
“His locks are somewhat scanty; but he has a strong sense of duty.”
“His hair is a bit thin, but he has a strong sense of responsibility.”
“I know that,” shouted Gerald. “It oozes out of him whenever he gets hot, just like gum.”
“I know that,” shouted Gerald. “It seeps out of him whenever he gets heated, just like gum.”
“He’s a County Councillor, and he makes speeches about the Union Jack, and he’s virtuous.”
"He's a County Councillor, and he gives speeches about the Union Jack, and he's virtuous."
“I know that too. He simply reeks of the ten commandments: they stick out all over him, like almonds in a tipsy cake.”
“I know that too. He totally gives off a vibe of the Ten Commandments: they’re obvious all over him, like almonds in a boozy cake.”
“My dear Gerald, Edward is a model; he is the typical Englishman as he flourishes in the country, upright and honest, healthy, dogmatic, moral—rather stupid. I esteem him enormously, and I ought to like him much better than you, who are a disgraceful scamp.”
“My dear Gerald, Edward is a perfect example; he is the typical Englishman thriving in the countryside, upright and honest, healthy, dogmatic, moral—somewhat dull. I hold him in high regard, and I should like him much more than you, who are a disgraceful rogue.”
“I wonder why you don’t.”
"I wonder why you don't."
“Because I’m a wicked old woman; and I’ve learnt by long experience that people generally keep their vices to themselves, but insist on throwing their virtues in your face. And if you don’t happen to have any of your own, you get the worst of the encounter.”
“Because I'm a wicked old woman, and I've learned from long experience that people usually keep their flaws to themselves but love to shove their good qualities in your face. And if you don’t happen to have any of your own, you end up worse off in the interaction.”
“I think that’s what is so comfortable in you, Aunt Polly, that you’re not obstreperously good. You’re charity itself.”
“I think that’s what makes you so easy to be around, Aunt Polly, that you’re not overly good. You really embody kindness.”
“My dear Gerald,” said Miss Ley, putting up an admonishing forefinger, “women are by nature spiteful and intolerant; when you find one who exercises charity, it proves that she wants it very badly herself.”
“My dear Gerald,” said Miss Ley, raising a warning finger, “women are naturally spiteful and intolerant; when you come across one who shows kindness, it just means she really needs it herself.”
Miss Ley was glad that Edward could not stay more than two days, for she was always afraid of surprising him. Nothing is more tedious than to talk with persons who treat your most obvious remarks as startling paradoxes; and Edward suffered likewise from that passion for argument, which is the bad talker’s substitute for conversation. People who cannot talk are always proud of their dialectic: they want to modify your tritest observations, and even if you suggest that the day is fine insist on arguing it out.
Miss Ley was relieved that Edward couldn’t stay more than two days because she often worried about overwhelming him. Nothing is more boring than talking to people who treat your most obvious comments like shocking revelations; and Edward also struggled with that need to debate, which is what bad speakers use instead of real conversation. People who can’t hold a conversation always take pride in their debating skills: they want to twist your simplest statements, and even if you say that it’s a nice day, they’ll insist on arguing about it.
Bertha, in her husband’s presence, had suffered singular discomfort; it had been such a constraint that she found it an effort to talk with him, and she had to rack her brain for subjects of conversation. Her heart was perceptibly lightened when she returned from Victoria after seeing him off, and it gave her a thrill of pleasure to hear Gerald jump up when she came in. He ran towards her with glowing eyes.
Bertha, in front of her husband, felt an unusual discomfort; it was such a strain that she struggled to talk to him, and she had to think hard for conversation topics. Her heart felt noticeably lighter when she got back from Victoria after seeing him off, and she felt a thrill of happiness to see Gerald jump up when she walked in. He came running toward her with bright eyes.
“Oh, I’m so glad. I’ve hardly had a chance of speaking to you these last two days.”
“Oh, I’m so glad. I’ve barely had a chance to talk to you the last two days.”
“We have the whole afternoon before us.”
“We've got the whole afternoon ahead of us.”
“Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”
“Let’s go for a walk, okay?”
Bertha agreed, and like two schoolfellows they sallied out. The day was sunny and warm, and they wandered by the river. The banks of the Thames about Chelsea have a pleasing trimness, a levity which is infinitely grateful after the sedateness of the rest of London. The embankments, in spite of their novelty, recall the days when the huge city was a great, straggling village, when the sedan-chair was a means of locomotion, and ladies wore patches and hoops; when epigram was the fashion and propriety was not.
Bertha agreed, and like two friends, they headed out. The day was sunny and warm, and they strolled by the river. The banks of the Thames around Chelsea have a charming tidiness, a lightness that feels refreshing after the seriousness of the rest of London. The embankments, despite their newness, bring back memories of a time when the massive city was just a sprawling village, when sedan chairs were a way to get around, and women wore patches and wide skirts; when clever sayings were in style and decorum was not.
Presently, as they watched the gleaming water, a penny steamboat approached the adjoining stage, and gave Bertha an idea.
Currently, while they were watching the shimmering water, a small steamboat came up to the nearby dock and gave Bertha an idea.
“Would you like to take me to Greenwich?” she cried. “Aunt Polly’s dining out; we can have dinner at the Ship and come back by train.”
“Do you want to take me to Greenwich?” she exclaimed. “Aunt Polly's out for the night; we can grab dinner at the Ship and come back by train.”
“By Jove, it will be ripping.”
“By Jove, it’s going to be amazing.”
“I feel as if we were eloping,” she said, with a laugh; “I’m sure Aunt Polly will be dreadfully shocked.”
“I feel like we’re sneaking away to get married,” she said with a laugh; “I’m sure Aunt Polly will be really shocked.”
The boat went on, stopping every now and then to take in passengers. They came to the tottering wharves of Millbank, and then to the footstool turrets of St. John’s, the eight red blocks of St. Thomas’s Hospital, and the Houses of Parliament. They passed Westminster Bridge, and the massive strength of New Scotland Yard, the hotels and public buildings which line the Victoria Embankment, the Temple Gardens; and opposite this grandeur, on the Surrey side, were the dingy warehouses and factories of Lambeth. At London Bridge Bertha found new interest in the varying scene; she stood in the bows with Gerald by her side, not speaking; they were happy in being near one another. The traffic became denser and the boat more crowded—with artisans, clerks, noisy girls, going eastwards to Rotherhithe and Deptford. Great merchantmen lay by the river-side, or slowly made their way downstream under the Tower Bridge; and then the broad waters were crowded with every imaginable craft, with lazy barges as picturesque with their red sails as the fishing-boats of Venice, with little tugs, puffing and blowing, with ocean tramps, and with huge packets. And as they passed in the penny steamer they had swift pictures of groups of naked boys wallowing in the Thames mud or diving from the side of an anchored coal-barge. A new atmosphere enveloped them now. Gray warehouses which lined the river, and the factories, announced the commerce of a mighty nation; and the spirit of Charles Dickens gave to the passing scenes a fresh delight. How could they be prosaic when the great master had described them? An amiable stranger put names to the various places.
The boat continued, stopping every now and then to pick up passengers. They arrived at the shaky wharves of Millbank, then came to the impressive towers of St. John’s, the eight red blocks of St. Thomas’s Hospital, and the Houses of Parliament. They passed Westminster Bridge, the solid presence of New Scotland Yard, and the hotels and public buildings lining the Victoria Embankment, along with the Temple Gardens. Across from this splendor, on the Surrey side, were the shabby warehouses and factories of Lambeth. At London Bridge, Bertha found new interest in the changing scene; she stood at the front with Gerald beside her, not speaking; they were content just being near each other. The traffic grew denser, and the boat became more crowded—with workers, office employees, and noisy girls heading east to Rotherhithe and Deptford. Large merchant ships were docked by the river or slowly floated downstream under Tower Bridge; and soon the wide waters were filled with every kind of vessel, from lazy barges with their red sails looking as charming as Venice's fishing boats to little tugs, puffing and blowing, ocean freighters, and huge packets. As they passed on the cheap steamer, they caught quick glimpses of groups of naked boys playing in the Thames mud or diving off the side of a docked coal barge. A new atmosphere surrounded them now. The gray warehouses lining the river and the factories signified the commerce of a powerful nation; and the spirit of Charles Dickens added a new joy to the scenes they passed. How could they seem mundane when the great master had portrayed them? A friendly stranger pointed out the names of various locations.
“Look, there’s Wapping Old Stairs.”
“Check it out, Wapping Old Stairs.”
And the words thrilled Bertha like poetry. They passed innumerable wharves and docks, London Dock, John Cooper’s wharves, and William Gibbs’s wharves (who are John Cooper and William Gibbs?), Limehouse Basin, and West India Dock. Then with a great turn of the river they entered Limehouse Reach; and soon the noble lines of the hospital, the immortal monument of Inigo Jones, came into view, and they landed at Greenwich Pier.
And the words excited Bertha like poetry. They passed countless wharves and docks: London Dock, John Cooper’s wharves, and William Gibbs’s wharves (who are John Cooper and William Gibbs?), Limehouse Basin, and West India Dock. Then, with a sharp bend in the river, they entered Limehouse Reach; soon, the impressive outline of the hospital, the timeless monument of Inigo Jones, came into sight, and they arrived at Greenwich Pier.
Chapter XXXI
THEY stood for a while on a terrace overlooking the river by the side of the hospital. Immediately below, a crowd of boys were bathing, animated and noisy, chasing and ducking one another, running to and fro with many cries, and splashing in the mud.
THEY stood for a bit on a terrace overlooking the river next to the hospital. Right below, a group of boys were swimming, lively and loud, chasing and dunking each other, darting back and forth with lots of shouts, and splashing in the mud.
The river was stretched more widely before them. The sun played on its yellow wavelets so that they shone with a glitter of gold. A tug grunted past with a long tail of barges, and a huge East Indiaman glided noiselessly by. In the late afternoon there was over the scene an old-time air of ease and spaciousness. The stately flood carried the mind away, so that the onlooker followed it in thought, and went down, as it broadened, with its crowd of traffic, till presently a sea-smell reached the nostrils, and the river, ever majestic, flowed into the sea. And the ships went east and west and south, bearing their merchandise to the uttermost parts of the earth, to southern, summer lands of palm-trees and dark-skinned peoples, bearing the name and wealth of England. The Thames became an emblem of the power of the mighty empire, and those who watched felt stronger in its strength, and proud of their name and of the undiminished glory of their race.
The river stretched wider in front of them. The sun reflected off its yellow ripples, making them sparkle like gold. A tugboat chugged by, pulling a long line of barges, and a massive East Indiaman quietly glided past. In the late afternoon, there was a relaxed, spacious vibe over the scene. The grand river drew the onlooker's thoughts away, leading them downstream with its busy traffic until the scent of the sea filled the air, and the river, still majestic, flowed into the ocean. Ships traveled east, west, and south, carrying goods to the farthest corners of the earth, to warm southern lands filled with palm trees and diverse cultures, representing the name and wealth of England. The Thames became a symbol of the might of the great empire, and those who watched felt empowered by its strength, proud of their identity and the enduring glory of their heritage.
But Gerald looked sadly.
But Gerald looked upset.
“In a very little while it must take me away from you, Bertha.”
“In a little while, it will take me away from you, Bertha.”
“But think of the freedom and the vastness. Sometimes in England one seems oppressed by the lack of room; one can hardly breathe.”
“But think of the freedom and the space. Sometimes in England, it feels like there’s no room to move; it’s hard to breathe.”
“It’s the thought of leaving you.”
“It’s the thought of leaving you.”
She put her hand on his arm caressingly; and then, to take him from his sadness, suggested that they should walk.
She placed her hand gently on his arm and then, to lift his spirits, suggested they go for a walk.
Greenwich is half London, half country town; and the unexpected union gives it a peculiar fascination. If the wharves and docks of London still preserve the spirit of Charles Dickens, here it is the happy breeziness of Captain Marryat which fills the imagination. Those tales of a freer life and of the sea-breezes come back amid the gray streets, still peopled with the vivid characters of Poor Jack. In the park, by the side of the labourers, navvies from the neighboring docks, asleep on the grass, or watching the boys play a primitive cricket, may be seen fantastic old persons who would have delighted the grotesque pen of the seaman-novelist.
Greenwich is half London, half small town, and this unexpected blend gives it a unique charm. While the wharves and docks of London still hold the spirit of Charles Dickens, here it's the cheerful vibe of Captain Marryat that sparks the imagination. Stories of a freer life and sea breezes come to mind among the gray streets, still inhabited by the colorful characters from Poor Jack. In the park, alongside the laborers and dock workers from nearby, who are asleep on the grass or watching the kids play a basic game of cricket, you can see quirky old folks who would have inspired the whimsical writing of the seaman-novelist.
Bertha and Gerald sat beneath the trees, looking at the people, till it grew late, and then wandered back to the Ship for dinner. It amused them immensely to sit in the old coffee-room and be waited on by a black waiter, who extolled absurdly the various dishes.
Bertha and Gerald sat under the trees, watching people until it got late, then they strolled back to the Ship for dinner. They found it incredibly amusing to sit in the old coffee room and be served by a Black waiter, who exaggeratedly praised the different dishes.
“We won’t be economical to-day,” cried Bertha. “I feel utterly reckless.”
“We’re not being economical today,” shouted Bertha. “I feel completely reckless.”
“It takes all the fun away if one counts the cost.”
"It takes all the fun out of it if you count the cost."
“Well, for once let us be foolish and forget the morrow.”
“Well, for once, let’s be silly and forget about tomorrow.”
And they drank champagne, which to women and boys is the acme of dissipation and magnificence. Presently Gerald’s green eyes flashed more brightly, and Bertha reddened before their ardent gaze.
And they drank champagne, which to women and boys is the pinnacle of indulgence and luxury. Soon, Gerald’s green eyes sparkled more brightly, and Bertha flushed under their intense gaze.
“I shall never forget to-day, Bertha,” said Gerald. “As long as I live I shall look back upon it with regret.”
“I'll never forget today, Bertha,” said Gerald. “As long as I live, I’ll look back on it with regret.”
“Oh, don’t think that it must come to an end, or we shall both be miserable.”
“Oh, don’t think that it has to end, or we’ll both be unhappy.”
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Bertha laughed, showing her exquisite teeth, and was glad that her own knowledge told her she looked her best.
Bertha laughed, revealing her beautiful teeth, and felt pleased that her own understanding told her she looked her best.
“But come on the terrace again and smoke there. We’ll watch the sunset.”
“But come back to the terrace and smoke there. We’ll watch the sunset.”
They sat alone, and the sun was already sinking. The heavy western clouds were a rich and vivid red, and over the river the bricks and mortar stood out in ink-black masses. It was a sunset that singularly fitted the scene, combining in audacious colour with the river’s strength. The murky wavelets danced like little flames of fire.
They sat together, and the sun was already setting. The thick western clouds were a deep and bright red, and over the river, the bricks and mortar stood out in dark black shapes. It was a sunset that perfectly matched the scene, blending bold colors with the river’s power. The murky little waves danced like tiny flames.
Bertha and the youth sat silently, very happy, but with the regret gnawing at their hearts that their hour of joy would have no morrow. The night fell, and one by one the stars shone out. The river flowed noiselessly, restfully; and around them twinkled the lights of the riverside towns. They did not speak, but Bertha knew the boy thought of her, and desired to hear him say so.
Bertha and the young man sat quietly, feeling very happy, but with a sense of regret in their hearts that their time of joy wouldn’t last. Night fell, and one by one, the stars appeared. The river flowed silently and peacefully, while the lights of the nearby towns sparkled around them. They didn’t talk, but Bertha knew the boy was thinking of her and hoped to hear him say it.
“What are you thinking of, Gerald?”
“What are you thinking about, Gerald?”
“What should I be thinking of, but you—and that I must leave you.”
“What else can I think about but you—and the fact that I have to leave you.”
Bertha could not help the exquisite pleasure that his words gave: it was so delicious to be really loved, and she knew his love was real. She turned her face, so that he saw her dark eyes, darker in the night.
Bertha couldn't help the amazing joy his words brought her: it felt so wonderful to be truly loved, and she knew his love was genuine. She turned her face, so he could see her dark eyes, even darker in the night.
“I wish I hadn’t made a fool of myself before,” he whispered. “I feel it was all horrible; you’ve made me so ashamed.”
“I wish I hadn’t embarrassed myself back then,” he whispered. “I feel like it was all terrible; you’ve made me so ashamed.”
“Oh, Gerald, you’re not remembering what I said the other day? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been so sorry ever since.”
“Oh, Gerald, don’t you remember what I said the other day? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve felt bad about it ever since.”
“I wish you loved me. Oh, Bertha, don’t stop me now. I’ve kept it in so long, and I can’t any more. I don’t want to go away without telling you.”
“I wish you loved me. Oh, Bertha, please don’t stop me now. I’ve held this in for so long, and I can’t anymore. I don’t want to leave without telling you.”
“Oh, my dear Gerald, don’t,” said Bertha, her voice almost breaking. “It’s no good, and we shall both be dreadfully unhappy. My dear, you don’t know how much older I am than you. Even if I wasn’t married, it would be impossible for us to love one another.”
“Oh, my dear Gerald, please don’t,” said Bertha, her voice nearly cracking. “It won’t work, and we’ll both be incredibly unhappy. My dear, you have no idea how much older I am than you. Even if I weren't married, it would still be impossible for us to love each other.”
“But I love you with all my heart.”
“But I love you with all my heart.”
He seized her hands and pressed them, and she made no effort to resist.
He grabbed her hands and held them tightly, and she didn't try to pull away.
“Don’t you love me at all?” he asked.
“Don’t you love me at all?” he asked.
“Bertha, Bertha!” He kissed her passionately. “Oh, Bertha, say you love me. It would make me so happy.”
“Bertha, Bertha!” He kissed her passionately. “Oh, Bertha, please say you love me. It would make me so happy.”
“My dearest,” she whispered, and taking his head in her hand, she kissed him.
“My dearest,” she whispered, and holding his head in her hand, she kissed him.
But the kiss that she had received fired her blood and she could not resist now from doing as she had wished. She kissed him on the lips, and on the eyes, and she kissed his curly hair. But at last she tore herself away, and sprang to her feet.
But the kiss she had received ignited her passion, and she couldn't resist acting on her desires anymore. She kissed him on the lips, on the eyes, and she kissed his curly hair. But finally, she pulled herself away and jumped to her feet.
“What fools we are! Let’s go to the station, Gerald; it’s growing late.”
“What fools we are! Let’s head to the station, Gerald; it’s getting late.”
“Oh, Bertha, don’t go yet.”
“Oh, Bertha, please don’t go yet.”
“We must. I daren’t stay.”
"We have to go. I can't stay."
He tried to take her in his arms, begging her eagerly to remain.
He tried to hug her, pleading with her desperately to stay.
“Please don’t, Gerald,” she said. “Don’t ask me, you make me too unhappy. Don’t you see how hopeless it is? What is the use of our loving one another? You’re going away in a week and we shall never meet again. And even if you were staying, I’m married and I’m twenty-six and you’re only nineteen. My dearest, we should only make ourselves ridiculous.”
“Please don’t, Gerald,” she said. “Don’t ask me, you make me too unhappy. Don’t you see how hopeless this is? What’s the point of us loving each other? You’re leaving in a week, and we’ll never see each other again. And even if you were staying, I’m married, I’m twenty-six, and you’re only nineteen. My dear, we’d just make fools of ourselves.”
“But I can’t go away. What do I care if you’re older than I? And it’s nothing if you’re married: you don’t care for your husband and he doesn’t care two straws for you.”
“But I can’t leave. Why should I care that you’re older than me? And it doesn’t matter that you’re married: you don’t care about your husband and he doesn’t give a damn about you.”
“How do you know?”
"How do you know that?"
“Oh, I saw it. I felt so sorry for you.”
“Oh, I saw it. I felt really sorry for you.”
“You dear boy!” murmured Bertha, almost crying. “I’ve been dreadfully unhappy. It’s true, Edward never loved me—and he didn’t treat me very well. Oh, I can’t understand how I ever cared for him.”
“You dear boy!” whispered Bertha, nearly in tears. “I’ve been so unhappy. It’s true, Edward never loved me—and he didn’t treat me very well. Oh, I can’t believe I ever cared for him.”
“I’m glad.”
"Happy to hear that."
“I would never allow myself to fall in love again. I suffered too much.”
“I would never let myself fall in love again. I’ve gone through too much pain.”
“It’s impossible. Come away now, dearest; we’ve been here too long.”
“It’s impossible. Come on now, sweetheart; we’ve been here too long.”
“Kiss me again.”
“Kiss me again.”
Bertha, half smiling, half in tears, put her arms round his neck and kissed the soft, boyish lips.
Bertha, half smiling and half crying, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his soft, youthful lips.
“You are good to me,” he whispered.
“You're good to me,” he whispered.
Then they walked to the station in silence; and eventually reached Chelsea. At the flat-door Bertha held out her hand and Gerald looked at her with a sadness that almost broke her heart, then he just touched her fingers and turned away.
Then they walked to the station in silence and eventually reached Chelsea. At the door of the flat, Bertha held out her hand, and Gerald looked at her with a sadness that almost broke her heart. He then just touched her fingers and turned away.
But when Bertha was alone in her room, she threw herself down and burst into tears. For she knew at last that she loved him; Gerald’s kisses still burned on her lips and the touch of his hands was tremulous on her arms. Suddenly she knew that she had deceived herself; it was more than friendship that held her heart as in a vice; it was more than affection; it was eager, vehement love.
But when Bertha was alone in her room, she collapsed and started crying. She finally realized that she loved him; Gerald’s kisses still lingered on her lips, and the sensation of his hands was electrifying on her arms. In that moment, she understood that she had been lying to herself; it was more than just friendship that had a grip on her heart; it was beyond affection; it was passionate, intense love.
For a moment she was overjoyed, but quickly remembered that she was married, that she was years older than he—to a boy nineteen a women of twenty-six must appear almost middle-aged. She seized a glass and looked at herself; she took it to the light so that the test might be more searching, and scrutinised her face for wrinkles and for crow’s feet, the signs of departing youth.
For a moment, she felt ecstatic, but then quickly remembered that she was married and years older than him—at nineteen, a woman of twenty-six must seem almost middle-aged. She grabbed a glass and looked at herself; she held it up to the light for a better look and examined her face for wrinkles and crow’s feet, the signs of fading youth.
“It’s absurd,” she said. “I’m making an utter fool of myself.”
“It’s ridiculous,” she said. “I’m making a complete fool of myself.”
Gerald only thought he loved her, in a week he would be enamoured of some girl he met on the steamer. But thinking of his love, Bertha could not doubt that now at all events it was real; she knew better than any one what love was. She exulted to think that his was the real love, and compared it with her husband’s pallid flame. Gerald loved her with all his heart, with all his soul; he trembled with desire at her touch and his passion was an agony that blanched his cheek. She could not mistake the eager longing of his eyes. Ah, that was the love she wanted—the love that kills and the love that engenders. How could she regret that he loved her? She stood up, stretching out her arms in triumph, and in the empty room, her lips formed the words—
Gerald only thought he loved her; in a week, he would be infatuated with some girl he met on the steamer. But when Bertha thought about his love, she couldn't doubt that right now, at least, it was real; she knew better than anyone what love really was. She felt a rush of pride knowing that his love was genuine, especially when she compared it to her husband’s weak flame. Gerald loved her with all his heart and soul; he shivered with desire at her touch, and his passion was an agony that turned his cheeks pale. She couldn't mistake the eager longing in his eyes. Ah, that was the love she craved—the love that devastates and the love that creates. How could she regret that he loved her? She stood up, stretching out her arms in triumph, and in the empty room, her lips formed the words—
“Come, my beloved, come—for I love you!”
“Come, my love, come—for I love you!”
But the morning brought an intolerable depression. Bertha saw then the utter futility of her love: her marriage, his departure, made it impossible; the disparity of age made it even grotesque. But she could not dull the aching of her heart, she could not stop her tears.
But the morning brought an unbearable sadness. Bertha then realized the complete futility of her love: her marriage and his leaving made it impossible; the age difference made it even ridiculous. But she couldn’t numb the pain in her heart, she couldn’t stop her tears.
Gerald arrived at midday and found her alone. He approached almost timidly.
Gerald arrived around noon and saw her by herself. He walked over almost shyly.
“You’ve been crying, Bertha.”
"You've been crying, Bertha."
“I’ve been very unhappy,” she said. “Oh, please, Gerald, forget our idiocy of yesterday. Don’t say anything to me that I mustn’t hear.”
“I’ve been really unhappy,” she said. “Oh, please, Gerald, forget the foolishness of yesterday. Don’t say anything to me that I can’t handle.”
“I can’t help loving you.”
"I can't help but love you."
“Don’t you see that it’s all utter madness!”
“Can’t you see that this is complete madness!”
She was angry with herself for loving him, angry with Gerald because he had aroused in her a passion that made her despise herself. It seemed horrible and unnatural that she should be willing to throw herself into the arms of a dissolute boy, and it lowered her in her own estimation. He caught the expression of her eyes, and something of its meaning.
She was frustrated with herself for loving him, upset with Gerald for stirring up a passion that made her hate herself. It felt awful and unnatural that she would want to throw herself into the arms of a reckless guy, and it made her feel less of herself. He noticed the look in her eyes and got some sense of what it meant.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Bertha. You look as if you almost hated me.”
“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Bertha. You seem like you almost hate me.”
She answered gravely, “I love you with all my heart, Gerald; and I’m ashamed.”
She replied seriously, “I love you with all my heart, Gerald; and I feel ashamed.”
“How can you!” he cried, with such pain in his voice that Bertha could not bear it.
“How could you!” he shouted, his voice filled with so much pain that Bertha couldn’t stand it.
“The whole thing is awful,” she groaned. “For God’s sake let us try to forget it. I’ve only succeeded in making you entirely wretched. The only remedy is to part quickly.”
“The whole thing is terrible,” she groaned. “For God’s sake, let’s try to forget it. I’ve only managed to make you completely miserable. The only solution is to separate quickly.”
“I can’t leave you, Bertha. Let me stay.”
“I can't leave you, Bertha. Let me stay.”
“It’s impossible. You must go, now more than ever.”
“It’s not possible. You need to leave, now more than ever.”
“What is the matter with you both to-day?” she asked. “You’re unusually attentive to my observations.”
“What’s going on with you two today?” she asked. “You’re being unusually attentive to what I’m saying.”
“I’m rather tired,” said Bertha, “and I have a headache.”
“I’m pretty tired,” said Bertha, “and I have a headache.”
Miss Ley looked at Bertha more closely, and fancied that she had been crying; Gerald also seemed profoundly miserable. Surely.... Then the truth dawned upon her, and she could hardly repress her astonishment.
Miss Ley looked at Bertha more closely and thought she had been crying; Gerald also seemed really miserable. Surely... Then the truth hit her, and she could barely contain her surprise.
“Good Heavens!” she thought, “I must have been blind. How lucky he’s going in a week!”
“Good heavens!” she thought, “I must have been blind. How lucky he’s leaving in a week!”
Miss Ley now remembered a dozen occurrences which had escaped her notice, and was absolutely confounded.
Miss Ley now recalled a dozen incidents that she had overlooked, and she was completely stunned.
“Upon my word,” she thought, “I don’t believe you can put a woman of seventy for five minutes in company of a boy of fourteen without their getting into mischief.”
“Honestly,” she thought, “I don’t believe you can put a seventy-year-old woman in the company of a fourteen-year-old boy for five minutes without them getting into trouble.”
The week to Gerald and to Bertha passed with terrible quickness. They scarcely had a moment alone, for Miss Ley, under pretence of making much of her nephew, arranged little pleasure parties, so that all three might be continually together.
The week for Gerald and Bertha flew by incredibly fast. They barely had a moment to themselves, as Miss Ley, pretending to dote on her nephew, organized small get-togethers so that the three of them could always be together.
“We must spoil you a little before you go; and the harm it does you will be put right by the rocking of the boat.”
“We should pamper you a bit before you leave; and any negative effects will be fixed by the gentle swaying of the boat.”
And though Bertha was in a torment, she had strength to avoid any further encounter with Gerald. She dared not see him alone, and was grateful to Miss Ley for putting obstacles in the way. She knew that her love was impossible, but also that it was beyond control. It made her completely despise herself. Bertha had been a little proud of her uprightness, of her liberty from any degrading emotion. And that other love to her husband had been such an intolerable slavery, that when it died away the sense of freedom seemed the most delicious thing in life. She had vowed that never under any circumstance would she expose herself to the suffering that she had once endured. But this new passion had taken her unawares, and before she knew the danger Bertha found herself bound and imprisoned. She tried to reason away the infatuation, but without advantage; Gerald was never absent from her thoughts. Love had come upon her like the sudden madness with which the gods of old afflicted those that had incensed them. It was an insane fire in the blood, irresistible for all the horror it aroused, as that passion which distracted Phædra for Theseus’ son.
And even though Bertha was in agony, she still had the strength to avoid any more encounters with Gerald. She couldn’t bear to see him alone and was thankful to Miss Ley for creating obstacles. She understood that her love was impossible, but she also felt that it was out of her control. It made her completely hate herself. Bertha had been somewhat proud of her integrity, of her freedom from any humiliating emotions. Her previous love for her husband had felt like such unbearable bondage that when it faded, the sense of freedom became the most wonderful thing in her life. She had sworn that she would never put herself through the pain she had once suffered again. But this new passion caught her off guard, and before she realized the danger, Bertha found herself trapped and confined. She tried to talk herself out of her obsession, but it didn’t work; Gerald was always on her mind. Love had struck her like the sudden madness that the ancient gods inflicted on those who angered them. It felt like an uncontrollable fire in her veins, irresistible despite the horror it caused, like the passion that consumed Phædra for Theseus’s son.
The temptation came to bid Gerald stay. If he remained in England they might give rein to their passion and let it die of itself; and that might be the only way to kill it. Yet Bertha dared not. And it was terrible to think that he loved her, and she must continually distress him. She looked into his eyes, fancying she saw there the grief of a breaking heart; and his sorrow was more than she could bear. Then a greater temptation beset her. There is one way in which a woman can bind a man to her for ever, there is one tie that is indissoluble; her very flesh cried out, and she trembled at the thought that she could give Gerald the inestimable gift of her person. Then he might go, but that would have passed between them which could not be undone; they might be separated by ten thousand miles, but they would always be joined together. How else could she prove to him her wonderful love, how else could she show her immeasurable gratitude? The temptation was mighty, incessantly recurring; and she was very weak. It assailed her with all the violence of her fervid imagination. She drove it away with anger, she loathed it with all her heart—but she could not stifle the appalling hope that it might prove too strong.
The temptation to ask Gerald to stay was strong. If he stayed in England, they could give in to their feelings and let it fizzle out on its own; that might be the only way to really end it. But Bertha couldn’t do that. It was awful to think that he loved her while she constantly hurt him. She looked into his eyes, imagining she saw the pain of a breaking heart; his sorrow was more than she could handle. Then another temptation took hold of her. There’s a way a woman can tie a man to her forever, a bond that can’t be broken; her very being cried out, and she shuddered at the idea that she could give Gerald the priceless gift of herself. Then he could leave, but what they shared could never be undone; they might be separated by thousands of miles, but they would always be connected. How else could she prove her incredible love for him, how else could she show her deep gratitude? The temptation was powerful and kept coming back; and she felt very weak. It attacked her with all the force of her passionate imagination. She pushed it away with anger, hated it with all her heart—but she couldn’t silence the terrifying hope that it might be too strong.
Chapter XXXII
AT last Gerald had but one day more. A long-standing engagement of Bertha and Miss Ley forced him to take leave of them early, for he started from London at seven in the morning.
AT last, Gerald had only one day left. A long-standing commitment of Bertha and Miss Ley made him say goodbye to them early, as he was leaving London at seven in the morning.
“I’m dreadfully sorry that you can’t spend your last evening with us,” said Miss Ley. “But the Trevor-Jones will never forgive us if we don’t go to their dinner-party.”
“I’m really sorry that you can’t spend your last evening with us,” said Miss Ley. “But the Trevor-Jones will never forgive us if we don’t go to their dinner party.”
“Of course it was my fault for not finding out before, when I sailed.”
“Of course it was my fault for not figuring that out earlier, when I set sail.”
“What are you going to do with yourself this evening, you wretch?”
“What are you going to do with yourself tonight, you miserable person?”
“Oh, I’m going to have one last unholy bust.”
“Oh, I’m going to have one last wild party.”
“I’m afraid you’re very glad that for one night we can’t look after you.”
“I’m afraid you’re really happy that for one night we can’t take care of you.”
In a little while Miss Ley, looking at her watch, told Bertha that it was time to dress. Gerald got up, and kissing Miss Ley, thanked her for her kindness.
In a little while, Miss Ley checked her watch and told Bertha it was time to get ready. Gerald stood up, kissed Miss Ley, and thanked her for her kindness.
“My dear boy, please don’t sentimentalise. And you’re not going for ever. You’re sure to make a mess of things and come back—the Leys always do.”
“My dear boy, please don’t get all sentimental. And you’re not going forever. You’re bound to make a mess of things and come back—the Leys always do.”
Then Gerald turned to Bertha and held out his hand.
Then Gerald turned to Bertha and extended his hand.
“You’ve been awfully good to me,” he said, smiling; but there was in his eyes a steadfast look, which seemed trying to make her understand something. “We’ve had some ripping times together.”
“You’ve been really good to me,” he said, smiling; but there was a serious look in his eyes, as if he was trying to get her to understand something. “We’ve had some amazing times together.”
“I hope you won’t forget me entirely. We’ve certainly kept you out of mischief.”
“I hope you won’t completely forget me. We’ve definitely kept you out of trouble.”
Miss Ley watched them, admiring their composure. She thought they took the parting very well.
Miss Ley watched them, appreciating how calm they were. She thought they handled the farewell quite well.
“I dare say it was nothing but a little flirtation and not very serious. Bertha’s so much older than he and so sensible that she’s most unlikely to have made a fool of herself.”
"I would say it was just a bit of flirting and not very serious. Bertha is so much older than he is and so sensible that it’s highly unlikely she made a fool of herself."
“Wait just one moment, Gerald,” she said. “I want to get something.”
“Hold on a second, Gerald,” she said. “I need to grab something.”
She left the room and immediately the boy bent forward.
She left the room, and right away the boy leaned forward.
“Don’t go out to-night, Bertha. I must see you again.”
“Don’t go out tonight, Bertha. I need to see you again.”
Before Bertha could reply, Miss Ley called from the hall.
Before Bertha could respond, Miss Ley called from the hallway.
“Good-bye,” said Gerald, aloud.
“Goodbye,” Gerald said, aloud.
“Good-bye, I hope you’ll have a nice journey.”
“Goodbye, I hope you have a great trip.”
“Here’s a little present for you, Gerald,” said Miss Ley, when he was outside. “You’re dreadfully extravagant, and as that’s the only virtue you have, I feel I ought to encourage it. And if you want money at any time, I can always scrape together a few guineas, you know.”
“Here’s a little gift for you, Gerald,” said Miss Ley when he was outside. “You’re incredibly extravagant, and since that’s your only virtue, I think I should support it. And if you ever need money, I can always gather a few guineas for you.”
She put into his hand two fifty-pound notes and then, as if she were ashamed of herself, bundled him out of doors. She went to her room; and having rather seriously inconvenienced herself for the next six months, for an entirely unworthy object, she began to feel remarkably pleased. In an hour Miss Ley returned to the drawing-room to wait for Bertha, who presently came in, dressed—but ghastly pale.
She handed him two fifty-pound notes and then, as if embarrassed, hurried him out the door. She went to her room; and after putting herself in quite a bind for the next six months for someone unworthy, she started to feel surprisingly happy. An hour later, Miss Ley came back to the living room to wait for Bertha, who soon arrived, dressed—but looking deathly pale.
“Oh, Aunt Polly, I simply can’t come to-night. I’ve got a racking headache; I can scarcely see. You must tell them that I’m sorry, but I’m too ill.”
“Oh, Aunt Polly, I really can’t come tonight. I have a terrible headache; I can barely see. You have to tell them that I’m sorry, but I’m too sick.”
She sank on a chair and put her hand to her forehead, groaning with pain. Miss Ley lifted her eyebrows; the affair was evidently more serious that she thought. However, the danger now was over; it would ease Bertha to stay at home and cry it out. She thought it brave of her even to have dressed.
She collapsed into a chair and pressed her hand to her forehead, groaning in pain. Miss Ley raised her eyebrows; the situation was clearly more serious than she had realized. However, the danger was now past; it would help Bertha to stay home and let it all out. She thought it was brave of her to have even gotten dressed.
“You’ll get no dinner,” she said. “There’s nothing in the place.”
“You won't get any dinner,” she said. “There's nothing in the house.”
“Oh, I want nothing to eat.”
“Oh, I don’t want anything to eat.”
Miss Ley expressed her concern, and promising to make the excuses, went away. Bertha started up when she heard the door close and went to the window. She looked round for Gerald, fearing he might be already there; he was incautious and eager: but if Miss Ley saw him, it would be fatal. The hansom drove away and Bertha breathed more freely. She could not help it; she too felt that she must see him. If they had to part, it could not be under Miss Ley’s cold eyes.
Miss Ley voiced her worries and promised to make excuses before leaving. Bertha jumped up when she heard the door shut and rushed to the window. She looked around for Gerald, worried he might already be there; he was reckless and too eager. But if Miss Ley spotted him, it would be disastrous. The cab drove off, and Bertha felt a sense of relief. She couldn't help it; she also felt she had to see him. If they had to say goodbye, it couldn’t be under Miss Ley’s icy gaze.
She waited at the window, but he did not come. Why did he delay? He was wasting their few precious minutes; it was already past eight. She walked up and down the room and looked again, but still he was not in sight. She fancied that while she watched he would not come, and forced herself to read. But how could she! Again she looked out of window; and this time Gerald was there. He stood in the porch of the opposite house, looking up; and immediately he saw her, crossed the street. She went to the door and opened it gently, as he came upstairs.
She waited by the window, but he didn't show up. Why was he taking so long? He was wasting their precious time; it was already after eight. She paced the room and looked out again, but he still wasn't in sight. She thought that if she kept watching, he wouldn't come, so she tried to force herself to read. But how could she? Once more, she looked out the window; this time, Gerald was there. He stood in the porch of the house across the street, looking up; as soon as he spotted her, he crossed the street. She went to the door and opened it quietly as he came upstairs.
He slipped in as if he were a thief, and on tiptoe they entered the drawing-room.
He slipped in like a thief, and on tiptoe they entered the living room.
“Oh, it’s so good of you,” he said. “I couldn’t leave you like that. I knew you’d stay.”
“Oh, that’s really kind of you,” he said. “I couldn’t just leave you like that. I knew you’d stick around.”
“Why have you been so long? I thought you were never coming.”
“Why did you take so long? I thought you weren't going to make it.”
“I dared not risk it before. I was afraid something might happen to stop Aunt Polly.”
“I didn't want to take the chance before. I was worried that something might happen to prevent Aunt Polly.”
“I said I had a headache. I dressed so that she might suspect nothing.”
“I said I had a headache. I got ready in a way that would make her suspicious of nothing.”
The night was falling and they sat together in the dimness. Gerald took her hands and kissed them.
The night was falling and they sat together in the dim light. Gerald took her hands and kissed them.
“This week has been awful. I’ve never had the chance of saying a word to you. My heart has been breaking.”
“This week has been terrible. I haven’t had the chance to say a word to you. My heart is breaking.”
“My dearest.”
“My love.”
“I wondered if you were sorry I was going.”
“I was curious if you were regretting that I was leaving.”
She looked at him and tried to smile; already she could not trust herself to speak.
She looked at him and tried to smile; she already couldn't trust herself to speak.
“Every day I thought you would tell me to stop and you never did—and now it’s too late. Oh, Bertha, if you loved me you wouldn’t send me away.”
“Every day I expected you to tell me to stop, but you never did—and now it’s too late. Oh, Bertha, if you loved me, you wouldn’t send me away.”
“I think I love you too much. Don’t you see it’s better that we should part?”
“I think I love you way too much. Can’t you see it’s better for us to separate?”
“You are so young; in a little while you’ll fall in love with some one else. Don’t you see that I’m old?”
“You're so young; soon, you'll fall in love with someone else. Can't you see that I'm old?”
“But I love you. Oh, I wish I could make you believe me. Bertha, Bertha, I can’t leave you. I love you too much.”
“But I love you. Oh, I wish you could believe me. Bertha, Bertha, I can’t leave you. I love you too much.”
“For God’s sake don’t talk like that. It’s hard enough to bear already—don’t make it harder.”
“For God’s sake, don’t talk like that. It’s already hard enough to deal with—don’t make it tougher.”
The night had fallen, and through the open window the summer breeze came in, and the softness of the air was like a kiss. They sat side by side in silence, the boy holding Bertha’s hand; they could not speak, for words were powerless to express what was in their hearts. But presently a strange intoxication seized them, and the mystery of passion wrapped them about invisibly. Bertha felt the trembling of Gerald’s hand, and it passed to hers. She shuddered and tried to withdraw, but he would not let it go. The silence now became suddenly intolerable: Bertha tried to speak, but her throat was dry, and she could utter no word.
The night had fallen, and a summer breeze flowed in through the open window, the softness of the air felt like a kiss. They sat side by side in silence, the boy holding Bertha’s hand; they couldn’t speak, as words couldn’t capture what was in their hearts. But soon, a strange intoxication overcame them, and the mystery of passion wrapped around them like a veil. Bertha felt Gerald’s hand tremble, and it transferred to hers. She shuddered and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go. The silence suddenly became unbearable: Bertha tried to speak, but her throat was dry, and she couldn’t say a word.
A weakness came to her limbs and her heart beat painfully. Her eye crossed with Gerald’s, and they both looked instantly aside, as if caught in some crime. Bertha began to breathe more quickly. Gerald’s intense desire burned itself into her soul; she dared not move. She tried to implore God’s help, but she could not. The temptation which all the week had terrified her returned with double force—the temptation which she abhorred, but to which she had a horrible longing not to resist.
A weakness spread through her body, and her heart ached with each beat. She made eye contact with Gerald, and they both quickly looked away, as if they had been caught doing something wrong. Bertha’s breathing became faster. Gerald's strong desire felt like it was searing her soul; she couldn’t bring herself to move. She tried to ask for God’s help, but she couldn't. The temptation that had frightened her all week returned with even more intensity—the temptation she despised, but which she felt a terrible urge not to resist.
And now she asked what it mattered. Her strength was dwindling, and Gerald had but to say a word. And now she wished him to say the word; he loved her, and she loved him passionately. She gave way; she no longer wished to resist. She turned her face to Gerald; she leant towards him with parted lips.
And now she asked what it meant. Her strength was fading, and Gerald just needed to say a word. And now she wanted him to say that word; he loved her, and she loved him deeply. She let go; she no longer wanted to fight it. She turned her face to Gerald; she leaned towards him with her lips slightly apart.
“Bertha,” he whispered, and they were nearly in one another’s arms.
“Bertha,” he whispered, and they were almost in each other's arms.
“Take care,” whispered Bertha, and pushed Gerald away.
“Take care,” whispered Bertha, and pushed Gerald away.
“It’s Aunt Polly.”
“It’s Aunt Polly.”
Bertha pointed to the electric switch, and understanding, Gerald turned on the light. He looked round instinctively for some way of escape, but Bertha, with a woman’s quick invention, sprang to the door and flung it open.
Bertha pointed to the light switch, and knowing what she meant, Gerald turned on the light. He instinctively looked around for a way out, but Bertha, with a woman's quick thinking, rushed to the door and threw it open.
“Is that you, Aunt Polly?” she cried. “How fortunate you came back; Gerald is here to bid us definitely good-bye.”
“Is that you, Aunt Polly?” she shouted. “How lucky you came back; Gerald is here to say goodbye for good.”
“He makes as many farewells as a prima donna,” said Miss Ley.
“He says goodbye as often as a prima donna,” said Miss Ley.
She came in, somewhat breathless, with two spots of red upon her cheeks.
She entered, slightly out of breath, with two red spots on her cheeks.
“I thought you wouldn’t mind if I came here to wait till you returned,” said Gerald. “And I found Bertha.”
“I figured you wouldn’t mind if I came here to wait for you to get back,” said Gerald. “And I found Bertha.”
“How funny that our thoughts should have been identical,” said Miss Ley. “It occurred to me that you might come, and so I hurried home as quickly as I could.”
“How funny that we had the same thought,” said Miss Ley. “I thought you might come, so I rushed home as fast as I could.”
“You’re quite out of breath,” said Bertha.
“You seem really out of breath,” Bertha said.
Miss Ley sank on a chair, exhausted. As she was eating her fish and talking to a neighbour, it suddenly dawned upon her that Bertha’s indisposition was assumed.
Miss Ley sank into a chair, exhausted. As she was eating her fish and chatting with a neighbor, it suddenly hit her that Bertha's illness was fake.
“Oh, what a fool I am! They’ve hoodwinked me as if I were a child.... Good heavens, what are they doing now?”
“Oh, what a fool I am! They've tricked me like I'm a kid.... Good heavens, what are they up to now?”
The dinner seemed interminable, but immediately afterwards she took leave of her astonished hostess and gave the cabman orders to drive furiously. She arrived, inveighing against the deceitfulness of the human race. She had never run up the stairs so quickly.
The dinner felt like it went on forever, but right after, she said goodbye to her shocked hostess and told the cab driver to go as fast as possible. She got there, complaining about how deceptive people can be. She had never rushed up the stairs so quickly.
“How is your headache, Bertha?”
“How's your headache, Bertha?”
“Thanks, it’s much better. Gerald has driven it away.”
“Thanks, it’s way better now. Gerald has taken it away.”
This time Miss Ley’s good-bye to the precocious youth was rather chilly; she was devoutly thankful that his boat sailed next morning.
This time Miss Ley's farewell to the bright young man was pretty cold; she was genuinely grateful that his boat was leaving the next morning.
They went into the hall and Gerald put on his coat. He stretched out his hand to Bertha without speaking, but she, with a glance at the drawing-room, beckoned to him to follow her, and slid out of the front-door. There was no one on the stairs. She flung her arms round his neck and pressed her lips to his. She did not try to hide her passion now; she clasped him to her heart, and their very souls flew to their lips and mingled. Their kiss was rapture, madness; it was an ecstasy beyond description, their senses were powerless to contain their pleasure. Bertha felt herself about to die. In the bliss, in the agony, her spirit failed and she tottered; Gerald pressed her more closely to him.
They went into the hallway, and Gerald put on his coat. He reached out his hand to Bertha without saying a word, but she glanced at the living room and signaled for him to follow her, then slipped out the front door. There was no one on the stairs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She didn't try to hide her feelings anymore; she pulled him to her heart, and their souls intertwined in that moment. Their kiss was a mix of ecstasy and madness; it was a pleasure they couldn't fully express, overwhelming their senses. Bertha felt as if she might faint. In that bliss and pain, her spirit wavered, and she swayed; Gerald held her even tighter.
But there was a sound of some one climbing the stairs. She tore herself away.
But she heard someone climbing the stairs. She pulled herself away.
“Good-bye, for ever,” she whispered, and slipping in, closed the door between them.
“Goodbye, forever,” she whispered, and slipping inside, closed the door between them.
She sank down half fainting, but, in fear, struggled to her feet and dragged herself to her room. Her cheeks were glowing and her limbs trembled, the kiss still thrilled her whole being. Oh, now it was too late for prudence! What did she care for her marriage; what did she care that Gerald was younger that she! She loved him, she loved him insanely; the present was there with its infinite joy, and if the future brought misery, it was worth suffering. She could not let him go; he was hers—she stretched out her arms to take him in her embrace. She would surrender everything. She would bid him stay; she would follow him to the end of the earth. It was too late now for reason.
She sank down, half-fainting, but in fear, struggled to her feet and dragged herself to her room. Her cheeks were flushed and her limbs were shaking; the kiss still thrilled her entire being. Oh, now it was too late for caution! What did she care about her marriage? What did she care that Gerald was younger than her? She loved him, she loved him madly; the present was filled with endless joy, and if the future brought pain, it was worth it. She couldn't let him go; he was hers—she reached out her arms to pull him into her embrace. She would give up everything. She would ask him to stay; she would follow him to the ends of the earth. It was too late now for reason.
She walked up and down her room excitedly. She looked at the door; she had a mad desire to go to him now—to abandon everything for his sake. Her honour, her happiness, her station, were only precious because she could sacrifice them for him. He was her life and her love, he was her body and her soul. She listened at the door; Miss Ley would be watching, and she dared not go.
She paced back and forth in her room with excitement. She glanced at the door, feeling a strong urge to go to him right now—to give up everything for him. Her honor, her happiness, her position, all seemed valuable only because she could give them up for him. He was her everything, her love, her body, and her soul. She listened at the door; Miss Ley would be keeping an eye on her, so she hesitated to leave.
She tried to sleep, but could not. The thought of Gerald distracted her. She dozed, and his presence became more distinct. He seemed to be in the room and she cried: “At last, my dearest, at last!” She awoke and stretched out her hands to him; she could not realise that she had dreamed, that nothing was there.
She tried to sleep but couldn't. The thought of Gerald kept her awake. She dozed off, and his presence felt more real. It seemed like he was in the room, and she cried, "Finally, my love, finally!" She woke up and reached out her hands to him; she couldn't understand that she had just been dreaming, that there was nothing there.
Then the day came, dim and gray at first, but brightening with the brilliant summer morning; the sun shone in her window, and the sunbeams danced in the room. Now the moments were very few, she must make up her mind quickly—and the sunbeams spoke of life, and happiness, and the glory of the unknown. Oh, what a fool she was to waste her life, to throw away her chance of happiness—how weak not to grasp the love thrown in her way! She thought of Gerald packing his things, getting off, of the train speeding through the summer country. Her love was irresistible. She sprang up, and bathed, and dressed. It was past six when she slipped out of the room and made her way downstairs. The street was empty as in the night; but the sky was blue and the air fresh and sweet, she took a long breath and felt curiously elated. She walked till she found a cab, and told the driver to go quickly to Euston. The cab crawled along, and she was in an agony of impatience. Supposing she arrived too late? She told the man to hurry.
Then the day came, dim and gray at first, but brightening with the brilliant summer morning; the sun shone in her window, and the sunbeams danced in the room. Now there were only a few moments left, she had to make up her mind quickly—and the sunbeams spoke of life, happiness, and the glory of the unknown. Oh, what a fool she was to waste her life, to throw away her chance at happiness—how weak not to grab onto the love presented to her! She thought of Gerald packing his things, getting ready to leave, the train speeding through the summer countryside. Her love was irresistible. She jumped up, took a shower, and got dressed. It was past six when she slipped out of the room and made her way downstairs. The street was empty like it was at night; but the sky was blue, and the air was fresh and sweet, she took a deep breath and felt unusually uplifted. She walked until she found a cab and told the driver to get to Euston quickly. The cab crawled along, and she was in agony from impatience. What if she arrived too late? She urged the driver to hurry.
The Liverpool train was fairly full; but Bertha walking up the crowded platform quickly saw Gerald. He sprang towards her.
The Liverpool train was pretty full, but Bertha quickly spotted Gerald as she walked down the crowded platform. He rushed over to her.
“Bertha you’ve come. I felt certain you wouldn’t let me go without seeing you.”
“Bertha, you’re here. I was sure you wouldn’t let me leave without seeing you.”
He took her hands and looked at her with eyes full of love.
He took her hands and looked at her with loving eyes.
“I’m so glad you’ve come,” he said at last. “I want—I want to beg your pardon.”
“I’m really glad you’re here,” he finally said. “I need—I need to ask for your forgiveness.”
“What do you mean?” whispered Bertha, and suddenly she felt a dreadful fear which gripped her heart with unendurable pain.
“What do you mean?” whispered Bertha, and suddenly she felt a terrible fear that clenched her heart with unbearable pain.
“I’ve been thinking of you all night, and I’m dreadfully ashamed of myself. I must tell you how sorry I am that I’ve caused you unhappiness. I was selfish and brutal; I only thought of myself. I forgot how much you had to lose. Please forgive me, Bertha.”
“I’ve been thinking about you all night, and I’m really ashamed of myself. I have to tell you how sorry I am that I made you unhappy. I was selfish and harsh; I only thought about myself. I forgot how much you had at stake. Please forgive me, Bertha.”
“Oh, Gerald, Gerald.”
“Oh, Gerald.”
“I shall always be grateful to you, Bertha. I know I’ve been a beast, but now I’m going to turn over a new leaf. You see, you have reformed me after all.”
“I will always be grateful to you, Bertha. I know I’ve been terrible, but now I’m going to make a change. You see, you’ve changed me after all.”
He tried to smile in his old, light-hearted manner; but it was a very poor attempt. Bertha looked at him. She wished to say that she loved him with all her heart, and was ready to accompany him to the world’s end; but the words stuck in her throat.
He tried to smile like he used to, but it was a weak attempt. Bertha looked at him. She wanted to say that she loved him with all her heart and was ready to go anywhere with him; but the words got caught in her throat.
“I don’t know what has happened to me,” he said, “but I seem to see everything now so differently. Of course it is much better that I’m going away; but it’s dreadfully hard.”
“I don’t know what’s happened to me,” he said, “but I feel like I see everything so differently now. Of course, it’s for the best that I’m leaving; but it’s really tough.”
An inspector came to look at the tickets. “Is the lady going?”
An inspector came to check the tickets. “Is the woman leaving?”
“No,” said Gerald; and then, when the man had passed: “You won’t forget me, Bertha, will you? You won’t think badly of me; I lost my head. I didn’t realise till last night that I wanted to do you the most frightful wrong. I didn’t understand that I should have ruined you and your whole life.”
“No,” said Gerald; and then, when the man had walked by: “You won’t forget me, Bertha, will you? You won’t think poorly of me; I lost my mind. I didn’t realize until last night that I was about to do you the most terrible wrong. I didn’t understand that I would have destroyed you and your entire life.”
At last Bertha forced herself to speak. The time was flying, and she could not understand what was passing in Gerald’s mind.
At last, Bertha forced herself to speak. Time was passing quickly, and she couldn't figure out what was going on in Gerald’s mind.
“If you only knew how much I love you!” she cried.
“If you only knew how much I love you!” she exclaimed.
He had but to ask her to go and she would go. But he did not ask. Was he repenting already? Was his love already on the wane? Bertha tried to make herself speak again, but could not. Why did he not repeat that he could not live without her!
He just had to ask her to leave, and she would. But he didn’t ask. Was he already regretting it? Was his love already fading? Bertha tried to find her voice again but couldn’t. Why didn’t he say again that he couldn’t live without her!
“Take your seats, please! Take your seats, please!”
“Please take your seats! Please take your seats!”
A guard ran along the platform. “Jump in, sir. Right behind!”
A guard sprinted down the platform. “Get in, sir. Right behind you!”
She shook her head. It was too late now.
She shook her head. It was too late now.
“Jump in, sir. Jump in.”
"Get in, sir. Get in."
Gerald kissed her quickly and got into the carriage.
Gerald gave her a quick kiss and climbed into the carriage.
“Right away!”
“On it!”
Chapter XXXIII
MISS Ley was much alarmed when she got up and found that Bertha had flown.
MISS Ley was very worried when she got up and discovered that Bertha was gone.
“Upon my word, I think that Providence is behaving scandalously. Am I not a harmless middle-aged woman who mind my own business; what have I done to deserve these shocks?”
“Honestly, I think that fate is acting outrageously. Am I not just a harmless middle-aged woman who keeps to herself? What have I done to deserve these shocks?”
She suspected that her niece had gone to the station; but the train started at seven, and it was ten o’clock. She positively jumped when it occurred to her that Bertha might have—eloped: and like a swarm of abominable little demons came thoughts of the scenes she must undergo if such were the case, the writing of the news to Edward, his consternation, the comfort which she must administer, the fury of Gerald’s father, the hysterics of his mother.
She thought her niece might have gone to the station, but the train left at seven and it was already ten o'clock. She was shocked when it hit her that Bertha could have—run away: and like a swarm of awful little demons, thoughts flooded her mind about the scenes she would have to face if that were true, telling Edward the news, his shock, the support she would have to give, Gerald's father's outrage, and his mother's breakdown.
“She can’t have done anything so stupid,” she cried in distraction. “But if women can make fools of themselves, they always do!”
“She can't have done anything that foolish,” she exclaimed in frustration. “But if women can act foolishly, they always will!”
Miss Ley was extraordinarily relieved when at last she heard Bertha come in and go to her room.
Miss Ley felt an immense sense of relief when she finally heard Bertha come in and head to her room.
Bertha for a long time had stood motionless on the platform, staring haggardly before her, stupefied. The excitement of the previous hours was followed by utter blankness; Gerald was speeding to Liverpool, and she was still in London. She walked out of the station, and turned towards Chelsea. The streets were endless, and she was already tired; almost fainting, she dragged herself along. She did not know the way, and wandered hopelessly, barely conscious. In Hyde Park she sat down to rest, feeling utterly exhausted; but the weariness of her body relieved the terrible aching of her heart. She walked on after a while; it never occurred to her to take a cab, and eventually she came to Eliot Mansions. The sun had grown hot, and burned the crown of her head with ghastly torture. Bertha crawled upstairs to her room, and throwing herself on the bed, burst into tears of bitter anguish. She wept desperately, and clenched her hands.
Bertha had stood frozen on the platform for a long time, staring blankly ahead, dazed. The excitement of the last few hours was replaced by complete emptiness; Gerald was racing to Liverpool, while she remained in London. She walked out of the station and headed towards Chelsea. The streets seemed endless, and she was already exhausted; nearly fainting, she dragged herself along. She didn’t know the way and wandered aimlessly, barely aware of her surroundings. In Hyde Park, she sat down to rest, feeling completely drained; but the fatigue of her body eased the terrible pain in her heart. After a while, she got up and continued walking; it never crossed her mind to grab a cab, and eventually, she arrived at Eliot Mansions. The sun had gotten hot, and it felt like it was burning the top of her head with painful intensity. Bertha crawled upstairs to her room, threw herself onto the bed, and burst into tears of deep sorrow. She wept uncontrollably, clenching her hands.
“Oh,” she cried at last, “I dare say he was as worthless as the other.”
“Oh,” she finally exclaimed, “I bet he was just as useless as the other one.”
Miss Ley sent to inquire if she would eat, but Bertha now really had a bad headache, and could touch nothing. All day she spent in agony, hardly able to think—despairing. Sometimes she reproached herself for denying Gerald when he asked her to let him stay, she had wilfully lost the happiness that was within her reach: and then, with a revulsion of feeling, she repeated that he was worthless. The dreary hours passed, and when night came Bertha scarcely had strength to undress; and not till the morning did she get rest. But the early post brought a letter from Edward, repeating his wish that she should return to Court Leys. She read it listlessly.
Miss Ley sent a message to see if she wanted to eat, but Bertha really had a bad headache and couldn’t touch anything. She spent the whole day in agony, hardly able to think—feeling hopeless. Sometimes she blamed herself for denying Gerald when he asked her to let him stay; she had deliberately lost the happiness that was within her reach. Then, feeling a wave of resentment, she reminded herself that he was worthless. The long hours dragged on, and when night fell, Bertha barely had the energy to get undressed; she didn’t find any rest until the morning. But the early mail brought a letter from Edward, repeating his desire for her to return to Court Leys. She read it with indifference.
“Perhaps it’s the best thing to do,” she groaned.
“Maybe it’s the best thing to do,” she sighed.
She hated London now and the flat; the rooms must be horribly bare without the joyous presence of Gerald. To return to Court Leys seemed the only course left to her, and there at least she would have quiet and solitude. She thought almost with longing of the desolate shore, the marshes and the dreary sea; she wanted rest and silence. But if she went, she had better go at once; to stay in London was only to prolong her woe.
She now hated London and the apartment; the rooms must feel painfully empty without Gerald's joyful presence. Going back to Court Leys seemed like her only option, and there, at least, she'd find peace and solitude. She almost longed for the lonely shore, the marshes, and the gloomy sea; she craved rest and quiet. But if she was going to leave, she should do it right away; staying in London would only extend her suffering.
Bertha rose, and dressed, and went to Miss Ley; her face was deathly pale, and her eyes heavy and red with weeping. In exhaustion she made no attempt to hide her condition.
Bertha got up, got dressed, and went to see Miss Ley; her face was extremely pale, and her eyes were heavy and red from crying. She was too exhausted to try to hide how she felt.
“I’m going down to Court Leys to-day, Aunt Polly. I think it’s the best thing I can do.”
“I’m going down to Court Leys today, Aunt Polly. I think it’s the best thing for me to do.”
“Edward will be very pleased to see you.”
“Edward will be really happy to see you.”
“I think he will.”
"I believe he will."
Miss Ley hesitated, looking at Bertha.
Miss Ley paused, glancing at Bertha.
“You know, Bertha,” she said, after a pause, “in this world it’s very difficult to know what to do. One struggles to know good from evil—but really they’re often so very much alike.... I always think those people fortunate who are content to stand, without question, by the ten commandments, knowing exactly how to conduct themselves, and propped up by the hope of Paradise on the one hand, and by the fear of a cloven-footed devil with pincers, on the other.... But we who answer Why to the crude Thou Shalt Not, are like sailors on a wintry sea without a compass. Reason and instinct say one thing, and convention says another. But the worst of it is that one’s conscience has been reared on the Decalogue, and fostered on hell-fire—and one’s conscience has the last word. I dare say it’s cowardly, but it’s certainly discreet, to take it into consideration. It’s like lobster salad; it’s not actually immoral to eat it, but it will very likely give you indigestion.... One has to be very sure of oneself to go against the ordinary view of things; and if one isn’t, perhaps it’s better not to run any risks, but just to walk along the same secure old road as the common herd. It’s not exhilarating, it’s not brave, and it’s rather dull; but it’s eminently safe.”
“You know, Bertha,” she said after a pause, “in this world, it’s really hard to know what to do. One struggles to tell right from wrong—but they often seem so alike.... I always think those people are lucky who can comfortably follow the ten commandments, knowing exactly how to behave, supported by the hope of Paradise on one hand and the fear of a devil with horns on the other.... But we who question the simple ‘Thou Shalt Not’ are like sailors on a stormy sea without a compass. Reason and instinct say one thing, and society says another. But the worst part is that our conscience has been shaped by the commandments and fed on the fear of hell—and our conscience ultimately has the final say. I might say it’s cowardly, but it’s definitely wise to take it into account. It’s like lobster salad; it’s not actually wrong to eat it, but you’ll probably end up with indigestion.... You have to be very confident to go against the usual way of thinking; and if you’re not, maybe it’s better not to take any risks and just follow the same safe old path as everyone else. It’s not thrilling, it’s not courageous, and it’s pretty boring; but it’s extremely safe.”
Bertha sighed, but did not answer.
Bertha sighed but stayed silent.
“You’d better tell Jane to pack your boxes,” said Miss Ley. “Shall I wire to Edward?”
“You should tell Jane to pack your boxes,” said Miss Ley. “Should I message Edward?”
When Bertha had at last started, Miss Ley began to think.
When Bertha finally got going, Miss Ley started to think.
“I wonder if I’ve done right,” she murmured, uncertain as ever.
“I wonder if I did the right thing,” she murmured, as unsure as ever.
She was sitting on the piano-stool, and as she meditated, her fingers passed idly over the keys. Presently her ear detected the beginning of a well-known melody, and almost unconsciously she began to play the air of Rigoletto.
She was sitting on the piano stool, and as she thought, her fingers brushed lightly over the keys. Soon, her ear caught the start of a familiar tune, and almost without thinking, she began to play the melody of Rigoletto.
In the train at Victoria, Bertha remembered with relief that the cattle-market was held at Tercanbury that day, and Edward would not come home till the evening. She would have opportunity to settle herself in Court Leys without fuss or bother. Full of her painful thoughts, the journey passed quickly, and Bertha was surprised to find herself at Blackstable. She got out, wondering whether Edward would have sent a trap to meet her—but to her extreme surprise Edward himself was on the platform, and running up, helped her out of the carriage.
In the train at Victoria, Bertha felt relieved remembering that the cattle market was taking place in Tercanbury that day, which meant Edward wouldn’t be home until the evening. She would have the chance to settle into Court Leys without any hassle. Lost in her troubling thoughts, the journey flew by, and Bertha was surprised to find herself in Blackstable. She stepped off the train, wondering if Edward had sent a carriage to pick her up—but to her shock, Edward himself was on the platform, and he ran over to help her out of the carriage.
“Here you are at last!” he cried.
“Finally, you made it!” he exclaimed.
“I didn’t expect you,” said Bertha. “I thought you’d be at Tercanbury.”
“I didn’t expect you,” said Bertha. “I thought you’d be at Tercanbury.”
“I got your wire fortunately just as I was starting, so of course I didn’t go.”
“I got your message just as I was about to leave, so I didn’t go, of course.”
“I’m sorry I prevented you.”
"I'm sorry I stopped you."
“Why? I’m jolly glad. You didn’t think I was going to the cattle-market when my missus was coming home?”
“Why? I’m really glad. You didn’t think I was heading to the cattle market while my wife was coming home?”
She looked at him with astonishment; his honest, red face glowed with the satisfaction he felt at seeing her.
She stared at him in surprise; his genuine, flushed face radiated the happiness he felt at seeing her.
“By Jove, this is ripping,” he said, as they drove away. “I’m tired of being a grass-widower, I can tell you.”
“Wow, this is incredible,” he said as they drove away. “I’m sick of being a bachelor, I can tell you.”
They came to Corstal Hill and he walked the horse.
They arrived at Corstal Hill, and he walked the horse.
“Just look behind you,” he said, in an undertone. “Notice any thing?”
“Just look behind you,” he said quietly. “Do you notice anything?”
“What?”
"Excuse me?"
“Look at Parke’s hat.” Parke was the footman.
“Look at Parke’s hat.” Parke was the footman.
Bertha, looking again, observed a cockade.
Bertha, looking again, noticed a cockade.
“What d’you think of that, eh?” Edward was almost exploding with laughter. “I was elected chairman of the Urban District Council yesterday; that means I’m ex-officio J.P. So, as soon as I heard you were coming, I bolted off and got a cockade.”
“What do you think of that, huh?” Edward was nearly bursting with laughter. “I was elected chair of the Urban District Council yesterday; that means I’m ex-officio J.P. So, as soon as I heard you were coming, I rushed out and got a cockade.”
“Are you tired?” asked Edward. “Lie down on the sofa and I’ll give you your tea.”
“Are you tired?” Edward asked. “Lie down on the couch and I’ll get you your tea.”
He waited on her and pressed her to eat, and was, in fact, unceasing in his attentions.
He waited on her and urged her to eat, and was, in fact, relentless in his attentiveness.
“By Jove, I am glad to see you here again.”
“Wow, I’m really glad to see you here again.”
His pleasure was obvious, and Bertha was somewhat touched.
His happiness was clear, and Bertha was a bit moved.
“Are you too tired to come for a little walk in the garden? I want to show what I’ve done for you, and just now the place is looking its best.”
“Are you too tired to take a little walk in the garden? I want to show you what I’ve done for you, and right now it’s looking its best.”
He put a shawl round her shoulders, so that the evening air might not hurt her, and insisted on giving her his arm.
He draped a shawl over her shoulders to protect her from the chilly evening air and insisted on offering her his arm.
“Now, look here; I’ve planted rose-trees outside the drawing-room window; I thought you’d like to see them when you sat in your favourite place, reading.”
“Hey, look; I’ve planted rose bushes outside the living room window; I thought you’d enjoy seeing them when you’re sitting in your favorite spot, reading.”
He took her farther, to a place which offered a fine prospect of the sea.
He took her further to a spot that had a great view of the sea.
“I’ve put a bench here, between those two trees, so that you might sit down sometimes, and look at the view.”
“I’ve put a bench here, between those two trees, so you can sit down sometimes and enjoy the view.”
“It’s very kind of you to be so thoughtful. Shall we sit there now?”
“It’s really nice of you to be so considerate. Should we sit there now?”
“Oh, I think you’d better not. There’s a good deal of dew, and I don’t want you to catch cold.”
“Oh, I think it’s best if you don’t. There’s a lot of dew, and I don’t want you to get sick.”
For dinner Edward had ordered the dishes which he knew Bertha preferred, and he laughed joyously, as she expressed her pleasure. Afterwards when she lay on the sofa, he arranged the cushions so as to make her quite easy.
For dinner, Edward had ordered the dishes he knew Bertha liked, and he laughed happily as she showed her enjoyment. Later, when she was lying on the sofa, he adjusted the cushions to make her comfortable.
“Ah, my dear,” she thought, “if you’d been half as kind three years ago you might have kept my love.”
“Ah, my dear,” she thought, “if you had been half as kind three years ago, you might have kept my love.”
She wondered whether absence had increased his affection, or whether it was she who had altered. Was he not unchanging as the rocks, and she knew herself unstable as water, mutable as the summer winds. Had he always been kind and considerate; and had she, demanding a passion which it was not in him to feel, been blind to his deep tenderness? Expecting nothing from him now, she was astonished to find he had so much to offer. But she felt sorry if he loved her, for she could give nothing in return but complete indifference; she was even surprised to find herself so utterly callous.
She wondered if his feelings had grown stronger during their time apart or if she had changed. Was he as steady as the rocks while she felt as fluid and changeable as water, swaying like the summer breeze? Had he always been caring and thoughtful, and had she, in wanting a passion he couldn't provide, overlooked his genuine kindness? Expecting nothing from him now, she was taken aback by how much he had to give. But she felt sad if he loved her because she couldn't reciprocate—only offer complete indifference; she was even shocked to realize how completely uncaring she had become.
At bedtime she bade him good-night, and kissed his cheek.
At bedtime, she said goodnight to him and kissed his cheek.
“I’ve had the red room arranged for me,” she said.
“I’ve had the red room set up for me,” she said.
There was no change in Blackstable. Bertha’s friends still lived, for the death-rate of that fortunate place was their pride, and they could do nothing to increase it. Arthur Branderton had married a pretty, fair-haired girl, nicely bred, and properly insignificant; but the only result of that was to give his mother a new topic of conversation. Bertha, resuming her old habits, had difficulty in realising that she had been long away. She set herself to forget Gerald, and was pleased to find the recollection of him not too importunate. A sentimentalist turned cynic has observed that a woman is only passionately devoted to her first lover, for afterwards it is love itself of which she is enamoured; and certainly the wounds of later attachments heal easily. Bertha was devoutly grateful to Miss Ley for her opportune return on Gerald’s last night, and shuddered to think of what might otherwise have happened.
There was no change in Blackstable. Bertha’s friends were still around, as the low death rate in that lucky place was their pride, and they couldn’t do anything to increase it. Arthur Branderton had married a pretty, fair-haired girl, well-bred and suitably forgettable; but the only thing that came of it was a new topic for his mother to chat about. Bertha, getting back into her old routines, had a hard time realizing how long she had been away. She tried to forget Gerald and was happy to find that thoughts of him weren’t too overwhelming. A cynic once pointed out that a woman is only deeply devoted to her first lover, because after that, she falls in love with love itself; and it certainly seemed that the pain from later relationships healed quickly. Bertha was truly grateful to Miss Ley for her timely return on Gerald’s last night and shuddered to think of what might have happened otherwise.
“It would have been too awful,” she cried.
“It would have been too terrible,” she cried.
She could not understand what sudden madness had seized her, and the thought of the danger she had run, made Bertha’s cheeks tingle. Her heart turned sick at the mere remembrance. She was thoroughly ashamed of that insane excursion to Euston, intent upon the most dreadful courses. She felt like a person who from the top of a tower has been so horribly tempted to throw himself down, that only the restraining hand of a bystander has saved him; and then afterwards from below shivers and sweats at the idea of his peril. But worse than the shame was the dread of ridicule; for the whole affair had been excessively undignified: she had run after a hobbledehoy years younger than herself, and had even fallen seriously in love with him. It was too grotesque. Bertha imagined the joy it must cause Miss Ley. She could not forgive Gerald that, on his account, she had made herself absurd. She saw that he was a fickle boy, prepared to philander with every woman he met; and at last told herself scornfully that she had never really cared for him.
She couldn't understand what sudden craziness had taken hold of her, and the thought of the danger she had put herself in made Bertha’s cheeks flush. Her heart sank at the mere memory. She felt completely embarrassed about that reckless trip to Euston, driven by the worst intentions. She felt like someone who has been so horribly tempted to jump from the top of a tower that only the hand of a stranger stopped them, and now shivers and sweats at the thought of their close call. But worse than the embarrassment was the fear of being laughed at; the whole situation had been incredibly undignified: she had chased after a clumsy guy years younger than her and had even fallen genuinely in love with him. It was just too ridiculous. Bertha pictured how much joy it must bring Miss Ley. She couldn't forgive Gerald for making her look stupid. She realized he was a fickle boy, likely to flirt with every woman he encountered; and eventually told herself with disdain that she had never truly cared for him.
But in a little while Bertha received a letter from America, forwarded by Miss Ley. She turned white as she recognised the handwriting: the old emotions came surging back, and she thought of Gerald’s green eyes, and of his boyish lips; and she felt sick with love. She looked at the superscription, at the post mark; and then put the letter down.
But soon Bertha got a letter from America, sent on by Miss Ley. She went pale as she recognized the handwriting: all the old feelings came rushing back, and she thought about Gerald's green eyes and his youthful lips; and she felt overwhelmed with love. She stared at the address and the postmark; then she set the letter down.
“I told him not to write,” she murmured.
“I told him not to write,” she said softly.
A feeling of anger seized her that the sight of a letter from Gerald should bring her such pain. She almost hated him now; and yet with all her heart she wished to kiss the paper and every word that was written upon it. But the sheer violence of her emotions made her set her teeth, as it were, against giving way.
A wave of anger hit her at the thought that a letter from Gerald could cause her so much pain. She almost hated him now; yet, with all her heart, she wanted to kiss the paper and every word written on it. But the intensity of her emotions made her grit her teeth, determined not to give in.
“I won’t read it,” she said.
“I’m not going to read it,” she said.
She wanted to prove to herself that she had strength; and this temptation at least she was determined to resist. Bertha lit a candle and took the letter in her hand to burn it, but then put it down again. That would settle the matter too quickly, and she wanted rather to prolong the trial so as to receive full assurance of her fortitude. With a strange pleasure at the pain she was preparing for herself, Bertha placed the letter on the chimneypiece of her room, prominently, so that whenever she went in or out, she could not fail to see it. Wishing to punish herself, her desire was to make the temptation as distressing as possible.
She wanted to prove to herself that she was strong, and she was determined to resist this temptation. Bertha lit a candle and picked up the letter to burn it, but then she set it down again. That would wrap things up too quickly, and she wanted to stretch out the struggle to gain complete assurance of her strength. With a strange sense of pleasure at the pain she was about to inflict on herself, Bertha placed the letter on the mantelpiece in her room, making sure it was in plain sight so that she couldn't miss it every time she came in or out. Wanting to punish herself, her goal was to make the temptation as painful as possible.
She watched the unopened envelope for a month and sometimes the craving to open it was almost irresistible; sometimes she awoke in the middle of the night, thinking of Gerald, and told herself she must know what he said. Ah, how well she could imagine it! He vowed he loved her and he spoke of the kiss she had given him on that last day, and he said it was dreadfully hard to be without her. Bertha looked at the letter, clenching her hands so as not to seize it and tear it open; she had to hold herself forcibly back from covering it with kisses. But at last she conquered all desire, she was able to look at the handwriting indifferently; she scrutinised her heart and found no trace of emotion. The trial was complete.
She stared at the unopened envelope for a month, and sometimes the urge to open it felt almost impossible to resist; other times, she would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about Gerald and told herself she had to find out what he wrote. Oh, how vividly she could picture it! He would declare his love for her, mention the kiss she gave him on that last day, and say how hard it was to be without her. Bertha looked at the letter, clenching her hands to stop herself from grabbing it and tearing it open; she had to force herself not to cover it with kisses. But eventually, she overcame all desire, and she could look at the handwriting without feeling anything. The trial was complete.
“Now it can go,” she said.
“Now it can go,” she said.
Again she lit a candle, and held the letter to the flame till it was all consumed; and she gathered up the ashes, putting them in her hand, and blew them out of the window. She felt that by that act she had finished with the whole thing, and Gerald was definitely gone out of her life.
Again she lit a candle and held the letter to the flame until it was completely burned. She gathered the ashes, put them in her hand, and blew them out of the window. She felt that by doing this, she had closed the chapter on everything, and Gerald was truly out of her life.
But rest did not yet come to Bertha’s troubled soul. At first she found her life fairly tolerable; but she had now no emotions to distract her and the routine of her day was unvarying. The weeks passed and the months; the winter came upon her, more dreary than she had ever known it; the country became insufferably dull. The days were gray and cold, and the clouds so low that she could almost touch them. The broad fields which once had afforded such inspiring thoughts were now merely tedious, and all the rural sights sank into her mind with a pitiless monotony; day after day, month after month, she saw the same things. She was bored to death.
But peace hadn’t come to Bertha’s troubled soul yet. At first, she found her life somewhat bearable; but now she had no feelings to distract her, and her daily routine was predictable. Weeks turned into months; winter arrived, more bleak than she had ever experienced; the countryside became unbearable. The days were gray and cold, and the clouds hung so low that she felt like she could reach out and touch them. The wide fields that once inspired her were now just tedious, and all the rural sights faded into her mind with a relentless monotony; day after day, month after month, she saw the same things. She was completely bored.
Sometimes Bertha wandered to the seashore and looked across the desolate waste of water; she longed to travel as her eyes and her mind travelled, south, south to the azure skies, to the lands of beauty and of sunshine beyond the grayness. Fortunately she did not know that she was looking almost directly north, and that if she really went on and on as she desired, would reach no southern lands of pleasure, but merely the North Pole!
Sometimes Bertha wandered to the beach and gazed at the empty expanse of water; she yearned to travel just as her eyes and thoughts did, south, south towards the blue skies, to the beautiful sunny lands beyond the grayness. Luckily, she didn't realize she was actually looking almost directly north, and that if she continued on as she wished, she'd reach not sunny lands of pleasure, but simply the North Pole!
She walked along the beach, among the countless shells; and not content with present disquietude, tortured herself with anticipation of the future. She could only imagine that it would bring an increase of this frightful ennui, and her head ached as she looked forward to the dull monotony of her life. She went home, and groaned as she entered the house, thinking of the tiresome evening. Invariably after dinner they played piquet. Edward liked to conduct his life on the most mechanical lines, and regularly, as the clock struck nine, he said: “Shall we have a little game?” Bertha fetched the cards while he arranged the chairs. They played six hands. Edward added up the score and chuckled when he won. Bertha put the cards away, her husband replaced the chairs; and so it went on night after night, automatically.
She strolled along the beach, surrounded by countless shells, and instead of finding peace, she tormented herself with thoughts of the future. She could only imagine it would bring more of this dreadful boredom, and her head throbbed as she dreaded the dull routine of her life. When she got home, she sighed as she walked into the house, thinking about the exhausting evening ahead. Without fail, after dinner, they played piquet. Edward preferred to run his life in the most predictable way, and right on cue, when the clock struck nine, he asked, “Shall we have a little game?” Bertha grabbed the cards while he set up the chairs. They played six hands. Edward calculated the score and laughed when he won. Bertha put the cards away, and her husband moved the chairs back; this was their routine night after night, without fail.
Bertha was seized with the intense restlessness of utter boredom. She would walk up and down her room in a fever of almost physical agony. She would sit at the piano, and cease playing after half-a-dozen bars—music seemed as futile as everything else; she had done everything so often. She tried to read, but could hardly bring herself to begin a new volume, and the very sight of the printed pages was distasteful: the works of information told her things she did not want to know, the novels related deeds of persons in whom she took no interest. She read a few pages and threw down the book in disgust. Then she went out again—anything seemed preferable to what she actually was doing—she walked rapidly, but the motion, the country, the very atmosphere about her, were wearisome; and almost immediately she returned. Bertha was forced to take the same walks day after day; and the deserted roads, the trees, the hedges, the fields, impressed themselves on her mind with a dismal insistency. Then she was driven to go out merely for exercise, and walked a certain number of miles, trying to get them done quickly. The winds of the early year blew that season more persistently than ever, and they impeded her steps, and chilled her to the bone.
Bertha was overwhelmed by a deep sense of boredom. She walked back and forth in her room, feeling almost physically pained. She would sit at the piano but stop playing after just a few bars—music felt as pointless as everything else; she had done it all too many times. She tried to read but could barely muster the motivation to start a new book, and just looking at the printed pages turned her off: informational texts told her things she didn’t want to know, and novels featured characters she didn’t care about. After reading a few pages, she tossed the book away in frustration. Then she went out again—anything seemed better than what she was doing at that moment. She walked quickly, but the movement, the landscape, the very air around her felt tiresome, and she soon turned back. Bertha was stuck taking the same walks day after day; the empty roads, the trees, the hedges, and the fields etched themselves into her mind with a gloomy persistence. Eventually, she ended up going out just for the sake of exercise, trying to cover a specific number of miles as fast as she could. The early year winds blew more insistently than ever, hindering her steps and chilling her to the bone.
Sometimes Bertha paid visits, and the restraint she had to put upon herself relieved her for the moment, but no sooner was the door closed behind her than she felt more desperately bored than ever.
Sometimes Bertha would drop by, and the effort she had to exert to keep herself in check provided a brief escape, but as soon as the door closed behind her, she felt more painfully bored than ever.
Yearning suddenly for society, she would send out invitations for some function; then felt it inexpressibly irksome to make preparations, and she loathed and abhorred her guests. For a long time she refused to see any one, protesting her feeble health; and sometimes in the solitude she thought she would go mad. She turned to prayer as the only refuge of those who cannot act, but she only half believed, and therefore found no comfort. She accompanied Miss Glover on her district visiting, but she disliked the poor, and their chatter seemed hopelessly inane. The ennui made her head ache, and she put her hand to her temples, pressing them painfully; she felt she could take great wisps of her hair and tear it out.
Yearning for company, she would send out invitations for some event; then found it incredibly annoying to make the preparations and ended up resenting her guests. For a long time, she refused to see anyone, claiming her fragile health; sometimes, in her solitude, she felt like she might go crazy. She turned to prayer as the only refuge for those who can’t take action, but she only half believed, so she found no comfort. She went along with Miss Glover on her neighborhood visits, but she didn’t care for the poor, and their chatter seemed completely pointless. The boredom gave her a headache, and she pressed her hands to her temples, feeling like she could just yank out chunks of her hair.
She threw herself on her bed and wept in the agony of boredom. Edward once found her thus, and asked what was the matter.
She collapsed onto her bed and cried out of sheer boredom. Edward once found her like this and asked what was wrong.
“Oh, my head aches, so that I feel I could kill myself.”
“Oh, my head hurts so much that I feel like I could just end it all.”
He sent for Ramsay, but Bertha knew the doctor’s remedies were absurd and useless. She imagined that there was no remedy for her ill—not even time—no remedy but death.
He called for Ramsay, but Bertha knew the doctor’s treatments were ridiculous and ineffective. She believed there was no cure for her suffering—not even time—no solution except death.
She knew the terrible distress of waking in the morning with the thought that still another day must be gone through; she knew the relief of bed-time with the thought that she would enjoy a few hours of unconsciousness. She was racked with the imagination of the future’s frightful monotony: night would follow day, and day would follow night, the months passing one by one and the years slowly, slowly.
She understood the awful feeling of waking up in the morning knowing she had to get through another day; she felt the relief of bedtime, looking forward to a few hours of being unaware. She was tormented by the thought of the future's terrifying sameness: night would come after day, and day would come after night, with the months rolling by one after another and the years dragging on, slowly, slowly.
They say that life is short. To those who look back perhaps it is; but to those who look forward it is long, horribly long—endless. Sometimes Bertha felt it impossible to endure. She prayed that she might fall asleep at night and never awake. How happy must be the lives of those who can look forward to eternity! To Bertha the idea was merely ghastly; she desired nothing but the long rest, the rest of an endless sleep, the dissolution into nothing.
They say that life is short. For those looking back, maybe it is; but for those looking ahead, it feels long, painfully long—endless. Sometimes Bertha felt like she couldn't bear it. She wished she could fall asleep at night and never wake up. How happy must be the lives of those who can look forward to eternity! For Bertha, that idea was just terrifying; all she wanted was a long rest, the rest of an endless sleep, the fading into nothing.
Once in desperation she wished to kill herself, but was afraid. People say that suicide requires no courage. Fools! They cannot realise the horror of the needful preparation, the anticipation of the pain, the terrible fear that one may regret when it is too late, when life is ebbing away. And there is the dread of the unknown. And there is the dread of hell-fire—absurd and revolting, yet so engrained that no effort is able entirely to destroy it. Notwithstanding reason and argument there is still the numbing fear that the ghastly fables of our childhood may after all be true, the fear of a jealous God who will doom His wretched creatures to unending torture.
Once, in her desperation, she thought about ending her life, but she was afraid. People say that suicide doesn’t take courage. Fools! They don’t understand the horror of the necessary preparations, the anticipation of the pain, the terrible fear of possibly regretting it when it's too late, when life is slipping away. And there’s the fear of the unknown. And there’s the fear of hellfire—absurd and disgusting, yet so ingrained that nothing can completely erase it. Despite logic and debate, there’s still a numbing fear that the horrifying stories from our childhood might actually be true, the fear of a jealous God who will condemn His miserable creations to eternal torment.
Chapter XXXIV
BUT if the human soul, or the heart, or the mind—call it what you will—is an instrument upon which countless melodies may be played, it is capable of responding for very long to no single one. Time dulls the most exquisite emotions, softens the most heartrending grief. The story is old of the philosopher who sought to console a woman in distress by the account of tribulations akin to hers, and upon losing his only son was sent by her a list of all kings similarly bereaved. He read it, acknowledged its correctness, but wept none the less. Three months later the philosopher and the lady were surprised to find one another quite gay, and erected a fine monument to Time with the inscription: A celui qui console.
BUT if the human soul, or the heart, or the mind—call it what you want—acts like an instrument that can play countless melodies, it can go a long time without responding to any single one. Time dulls even the most beautiful emotions and softens the deepest grief. There's an old story about a philosopher who tried to comfort a woman in distress by sharing stories of trials similar to hers, and when he lost his only son, she sent him a list of all the kings who had suffered the same loss. He read it, acknowledged it was accurate, but still cried. Three months later, the philosopher and the woman were surprised to find themselves quite happy again, and they built a beautiful monument to Time with the inscription: A celui qui console.
When Bertha vowed that life had lost all savour, that her ennui was unending, she exaggerated as usual, and almost grew angry on discovering that existence could be more supportable than she supposed.
When Bertha declared that life had lost all its flavor and that her boredom was endless, she was exaggerating, as usual, and nearly got annoyed when she realized that life could be more bearable than she thought.
One gets used to all things. It is only very misanthropic persons who pretend that they cannot accustom themselves to the stupidity of their fellows; for, after a while, one gets hardened to the most desperate bores, and monotony even ceases to be quite monotonous. Accommodating herself to circumstances, Bertha found life less tedious; it was a calm river, and presently she came to the conclusion that it ran more easily without the cascades and waterfalls, the eddies, whirlpools and rocks, which had disturbed its course. The man who can still dupe himself with illusions has a future not lacking in brightness.
One gets used to everything. It's only very misanthropic people who act like they can't adapt to the stupidity of others; because, after a while, you toughen up against the most unbearable dullards, and even monotony stops feeling completely monotonous. By adjusting to her circumstances, Bertha found life less boring; it became a calm river, and eventually, she realized it flowed more smoothly without the rapids and waterfalls, the eddies, whirlpools, and rocks that had disturbed its path. The person who can still deceive themselves with illusions has a future that's not lacking in brightness.
The summer brought a certain variety, and Bertha found amusement in things which before had never interested her. She went to sheltered parts to see if favourite wild flowers had begun to blow: her love of liberty made her prefer the hedge-roses to the pompous blooms of the garden, the buttercups and daisies of the field to the prim geranium, and the calcellaria. Time fled and she was surprised to find the year pass imperceptibly. She began to read with greater zest, and in her favourite seat, on the sofa by the window, spent long hours of pleasure. She read as fancy prompted her, without a plan, because she wished and not because she ought (how can they say that England is decadent when its young ladies are so strenuous!). She obtained pleasure by contrasting different writers, gaining emotions from the gravity of one and the frivolity of the next. She went from the latest novel to the Orlando Furioso, from the Euphues of John Lyly (most entertaining and whimsical of books!) to the passionate corruption of Verlaine. With a lifetime before her, the length of books was no hindrance, and she started boldly upon the eight volumes of the Decline and Fall, upon the many tomes of St. Simon: and she never hesitated to put them aside after a hundred pages.
The summer brought a refreshing change, and Bertha found enjoyment in things that had never caught her attention before. She visited sheltered spots to check if her favorite wildflowers had started to bloom: her love of freedom made her prefer the hedge roses to the showy flowers in the garden, and the buttercups and daisies in the fields to the tidy geraniums and calcellarias. Time flew by, and she was surprised to realize how quickly the year had passed. She started reading with more enthusiasm, spending long, enjoyable hours in her favorite spot on the sofa by the window. She read whatever caught her interest, without a plan, because she wanted to, not because she felt she had to (how can they say that England is in decline when its young women are so energetic!). She found joy in contrasting different writers, drawing emotions from one’s seriousness and another’s lightheartedness. She moved from the latest novel to the Orlando Furioso, from John Lyly's Euphues (the most entertaining and whimsical of books!) to the passionate darker tones of Verlaine. With a lifetime ahead of her, the length of books didn’t deter her, and she boldly embarked on the eight volumes of the Decline and Fall and the numerous tomes of St. Simon, never hesitating to set them aside after just a hundred pages.
Bertha found reality tolerable when it was merely a background, a foil to the fantastic happenings of old books. She looked at the green trees, and the song of birds mingled agreeably with her thoughts still occupied, perhaps, with the Dolorous Knight of La Mancha, with Manon Lescaut, or with the joyous band that wanders through the Decameron. With greater knowledge came greater curiosity, and she forsook the broad highroads of literature for the mountain pathways of some obscure poet, for the bridle-tracks of the Spanish picaroon. She found unexpected satisfaction in the half-forgotten masterpieces of the past, in poets not quite divine whom fashion had left on one side, in the playwrights, and novelists, and essayists, whose remembrance lives only with the bookworm. It is a relief sometimes to look away from the bright sun of perfect achievement; and the writers who appealed to their age and not to posterity, have by contrast a subtle charm. Undazzled by their splendour, one may discern more easily their individualities and the spirit of their time; they have pleasant qualities not always found among their betters, and there is even a certain pathos in their incomplete success.
Bertha found reality bearable when it was just a backdrop, a contrast to the amazing events in old books. She gazed at the green trees, and the sound of birds blended nicely with her thoughts, which were still maybe occupied with the Sad Knight of La Mancha, with Manon Lescaut, or with the cheerful group that roams through the Decameron. With more knowledge came more curiosity, and she left the wide highways of literature for the hidden paths of some obscure poet, for the trails of the Spanish rogue. She discovered unexpected pleasure in the half-forgotten masterpieces of the past, in poets who weren’t quite divine but had been overlooked by fashion, in playwrights, novelists, and essayists whose names are only remembered by bookworms. Sometimes it’s refreshing to look away from the bright sun of perfect achievement; the writers who resonated with their time rather than with future generations have, in contrast, a subtle charm. Unimpressed by their brilliance, it’s easier to see their unique qualities and the spirit of their era; they possess pleasant qualities not always found in their more famous peers, and there’s even a certain sadness in their incomplete success.
In music also Bertha developed a taste for the half known, the half archaic. It suited the Georgian drawing-room with its old pictures, with its Chippendale and chintz, to play the simple melodies of Couperin and Rameau; the rondos, the gavottes, the sonatinas in powder and patch, which delighted the rococo lords and ladies of a past century.
In music, Bertha also developed a taste for the somewhat familiar and the somewhat old-fashioned. It fit the Georgian drawing room, with its old paintings, Chippendale furniture, and chintz fabric, to play the simple melodies of Couperin and Rameau; the rondos, gavottes, and sonatinas in powder and patch that delighted the rococo lords and ladies of a bygone era.
Living away from the present, in an artificial paradise, Bertha was almost completely happy. She found indifference to the whole world a trusty armour: life was easy without love or hate, hope or despair, without ambition, desire of change, or tumultuous passion. So bloom the flowers; unconscious, uncaring, the bud bursts from the enclosing leaf, and opens to the sunshine, squanders its perfume to the breeze and there is none to see its beauty—and then it dies.
Living apart from reality, in a fake paradise, Bertha was nearly completely happy. She found that being indifferent to the world was a reliable shield: life was simple without love or hate, hope or despair, ambition, the desire for change, or chaotic passion. This is how flowers bloom; unconsciously and without concern, the bud breaks free from the surrounding leaf, opens to the sun, releases its fragrance to the breeze, and no one sees its beauty—and then it dies.
Bertha found it possible to look back upon the past years with something like amusement. It seemed now melodramatic to have loved the simple Edward with such violence, and she was able even to smile at the contrast between her vivid expectations and the flat reality. Gerald was a pleasantly sentimental memory; she did not wish to see him again, but thought of him often, idealising him till he became unsubstantial as a character in a favourite book. Her winter in Italy also formed the motive of some of her most delightful thoughts, and she determined never to spoil the impression by another visit. She had advanced a good deal in the art of life when she realised that pleasure came by surprise, that happiness was a spirit which descended unawares, and seldom when it was sought.
Bertha found it easy to look back on the past few years with a sense of amusement. It now seemed overly dramatic to have loved the simple Edward so intensely, and she could even smile at the contrast between her vivid expectations and the flat reality. Gerald was a pleasant memory; she didn't want to see him again, but she often thought about him, idealizing him until he felt as insubstantial as a character in a favorite book. Her winter in Italy also inspired some of her happiest thoughts, and she decided never to spoil that memory with another visit. She had made significant progress in the art of living when she realized that pleasure often came as a surprise, that happiness was a spirit that descended unexpectedly, and rarely when it was actively sought.
Edward had fallen into a life of such activity that his time was entirely taken up. He had added largely to the Ley estate, and, with the second-rate man’s belief that you must do a thing yourself to have it well done, kept the farms under his immediate supervision. He was an important member of all the rural bodies: he was on the School Board, on the Board of Guardians, on the County Council; he was chairman of the Urban District Council, president of the Leanham cricket club, president of the Faversley football club; patron of the Blackstable regatta; he was on the committee of the Tercanbury dog-show, and an enthusiastic supporter of the Mid-Kent Agricultural Exhibition. He was a pillar of the Blackstable Conservative Association, a magistrate, and a churchwarden. Finally he was an ardent Freemason, and flew over Kent to attend the meetings of the half-dozen lodges of which he was a member. But the amount of work did not disturb him.
Edward had gotten so busy that his time was completely consumed. He had significantly expanded the Ley estate and, believing that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, he personally supervised the farms. He was a key member of various local organizations: he served on the School Board, the Board of Guardians, and the County Council; he was the chairman of the Urban District Council, president of the Leanham cricket club, president of the Faversley football club; he supported the Blackstable regatta; he was on the committee for the Tercanbury dog show and actively backed the Mid-Kent Agricultural Exhibition. He was a cornerstone of the Blackstable Conservative Association, a magistrate, and a churchwarden. On top of that, he was a passionate Freemason and would fly around Kent to attend meetings of the half-dozen lodges he belonged to. But all of this work didn't bother him.
“Lord bless you,” he said, “I love work. You can’t give me too much. If there’s anything to be done, come to me and I’ll do it, and say thank you for giving me the chance.”
“God bless you,” he said, “I love to work. You can't give me too much. If there's anything that needs to be done, just come to me and I’ll take care of it, and I’ll thank you for the opportunity.”
Edward had always been even-tempered, but now his good-nature was quite angelic. It became a byword. His success was according to his deserts, and to have him concerned in a matter was an excellent insurance. He was always jovial and gay, contented with himself and with the world at large; he was a model squire, landlord, farmer, conservative, man, Englishman. He did everything thoroughly, and his energy was such that he made a point of putting into every concern twice as much work as it really needed. He was busy from morning till night (as a rule quite unnecessarily), and he gloried in it.
Edward had always been easygoing, but now his good nature was downright saintly. It became a hallmark. His success matched what he deserved, and having him involved in anything was a great guarantee. He was always cheerful and happy, satisfied with himself and the world around him; he was the perfect squire, landlord, farmer, conservative, man, Englishman. He did everything thoroughly, and his energy was such that he made sure to put in double the effort needed for every task. He was busy from morning till night (usually quite unnecessarily), and he took pride in it.
“It shows I’m an excellent woman,” said Bertha to Miss Glover, “to support his virtues with equanimity.”
“It shows I’m a great woman,” said Bertha to Miss Glover, “to support his qualities calmly.”
“My dear, I think you ought to be very proud and happy. He’s an example to the whole county. If he were my husband, I should be grateful to God.”
“My dear, I think you should be very proud and happy. He’s a role model for the entire county. If he were my husband, I would be thankful to God.”
“I have much to be thankful for,” murmured Bertha.
“I have a lot to be thankful for,” Bertha murmured.
Since he let her go her own way and she was only too pleased that he should go his, there was really no possibility of difference, and Edward, wise man, came to the conclusion that he had effectually tamed his wife. He thought, with good-humoured scorn, that he had been quite right when he likened women to chickens, animals which, to be happy, required no more than a good run, well fenced in, where they could scratch about to their heart’s content.
Since he allowed her to follow her own path and she was more than happy for him to do the same, there wasn’t really any chance of conflict, and Edward, being a wise man, concluded that he had successfully tamed his wife. He chuckled to himself, thinking he was spot on when he compared women to chickens, creatures that, to be happy, needed nothing more than a good space to roam freely, securely fenced in, where they could scratch around to their heart’s content.
“Feed ’em regularly, and let ’em cackle; and there you are!”
“Feed them regularly, and let them chatter; and there you go!”
It is always satisfactory when experience verifies the hypothesis of your youth.
It’s always satisfying when life proves the theories you had when you were young.
One year, remembering by accident their wedding-day, Edward gave his wife a bracelet; and feeling benevolent in consequence, and having dined well, he patted her hand and remarked:—
One year, while accidentally remembering their wedding day, Edward gave his wife a bracelet; and feeling generous because of it, and having had a nice dinner, he patted her hand and said:—
“Time does fly, doesn’t it?”
“Time flies, doesn’t it?”
“I have heard people say so,” she replied, smiling.
“I’ve heard people say that,” she replied, smiling.
“Well, who’d have thought we’d been married eight years! it doesn’t seem above eighteen months to me. And we’ve got on very well, haven’t we?”
“Well, who would have thought we’ve been married for eight years! It doesn’t feel like more than eighteen months to me. And we’ve gotten along really well, haven’t we?”
“My dear Edward, you are such a model husband. It quite embarrasses me sometimes.”
"My dear Edward, you are such an amazing husband. It makes me a bit embarrassed sometimes."
“Ha, ha! that’s a good one. But I can say this for myself, I do try to do my duty. Of course at first we had our little tiffs—people have to get used to one another, and one can’t expect to have all plain sailing just at once. But for years now—well, ever since you went to Italy, I think, we’ve been as happy as the day is long, haven’t we?”
“Ha, ha! That’s a good one. But I can say this for myself, I do try to do my duty. Of course at first we had our little disagreements—people need to get used to each other, and you can’t expect everything to go smoothly right away. But for years now—ever since you went to Italy, I think—we’ve been as happy as can be, haven’t we?”
“Yes, dear.”
"Sure, babe."
“When I look back at the little rumpuses we used to have, upon my word, I wonder what they were all about.”
“When I think back on the little troubles we used to have, honestly, I wonder what they were all about.”
“So do I.” And this Bertha said quite truthfully.
"So do I." And Bertha said this very sincerely.
“I suppose it was just the weather.”
“I guess it was just the weather.”
“I dare say.”
"I'd say."
“Ah, well—all’s well that ends well.”
“Ah, well—everything’s good if it ends well.”
“My dear Edward, you’re a philosopher.”
“My dear Edward, you’re so thoughtful.”
“I don’t know about that—but I think I’m a politician; which reminds me that I’ve not read about the new men-of-war in to-day’s paper. What I’ve been agitating about for years is more ships and more guns—I’m glad to see the Government have taken my advice at last.”
“I’m not sure about that—but I consider myself a politician; which reminds me that I haven’t read about the new warships in today’s paper. What I’ve been pushing for years is more ships and more guns—I’m glad to see the Government has finally taken my advice.”
“I think it would be a good sight better for the country if those in power paid more attention to provincial opinion. It’s men like me who really know the feeling of the nation. You might get me the paper, will you—it’s in the dining-room.”
“I think it would be much better for the country if those in power listened more to local opinions. It’s people like me who really understand the feelings of the nation. Could you get me the paper? It’s in the dining room.”
It seemed quite natural to Edward that Bertha should wait upon him: it was the duty of a wife. She handed him the Standard, and he began to read; he yawned once or twice.
It felt completely natural to Edward that Bertha would take care of him: it was part of a wife's responsibilities. She handed him the Standard, and he started to read; he yawned a couple of times.
“Lord, I am sleepy.”
“Lord, I’m tired.”
Presently he could not keep his eyes open, the paper dropped from his hand, and he sank back in his chair with legs outstretched, his hands resting comfortably on his stomach. His head lolled to one side and his jaw dropped, and he began to snore. Bertha read. After a while he woke with a start.
Presently, he couldn't keep his eyes open, the paper slipped from his hand, and he sank back in his chair with his legs stretched out, his hands resting comfortably on his stomach. His head rolled to one side, his jaw dropped, and he started to snore. Bertha read. After a while, he woke with a jolt.
“Bless me, I do believe I’ve been asleep,” he cried. “Well, I’m dead tired, I think I shall go to bed. I suppose you won’t come up yet?”
“Wow, I think I've been asleep,” he exclaimed. “Honestly, I’m exhausted, so I’m going to bed. I guess you’re not coming up yet?”
“Not just yet.”
“Not right now.”
“Well, don’t stay up too late, there’s a good girl, it’s not good for you; and put the lights out properly when you come.”
“Well, don’t stay up too late, okay? It's not good for you; and make sure to turn off the lights properly when you come back.”
She turned to him her cheek, which he kissed, stifling a yawn; then he rolled upstairs.
She turned her cheek to him, and he kissed it while suppressing a yawn; then he went upstairs.
“There’s one advantage in Edward,” murmured Bertha. “No one could accuse him of being uxorious.”
“Edward has one advantage,” Bertha whispered. “No one could call him overly devoted to his wife.”
Mariage à la mode.
Fashionable marriage.
Bertha’s solitary walk was to the sea. The shore between Blackstable and the Medway was extraordinarily wild. At distant intervals were the long, low buildings of the coastguard stations; and the clean, pink walls, the neat railings, the well-kept gravel, contrasted rather surprisingly with the surrounding desolation. One could walk for miles without meeting a soul, and the country spread out from the sea, low and flat and marshy. The beach was of countless shells of every possible variety, which crumbled under foot; while here and there were great banks of seaweed and bits of wood or rope, the jetsam of a thousand tides. In one spot, a few yards out but high and dry at low water, were the remains of an old hulk, whose wooden ribs stood out weirdly like the skeleton of some huge sea-beast. And then all round was the lonely sea, with never a ship nor a fishing-smack in sight. In winter it was as if a spirit of solitude, like a mystic shroud, had descended upon the shore and upon the desert waters.
Bertha’s lonely walk led her to the sea. The stretch of coast between Blackstable and the Medway was incredibly wild. At distant points were the long, low buildings of the coastguard stations; the clean, pink walls, the tidy railings, and the well-maintained gravel surprisingly contrasted with the surrounding emptiness. One could walk for miles without encountering anyone, and the land spread out from the sea, low, flat, and marshy. The beach was covered in countless shells of every kind, which crumbled underfoot; scattered about were large piles of seaweed and pieces of wood or rope, the debris from a thousand tides. In one area, a few yards out but high and dry at low tide, were the remains of an old shipwreck, its wooden ribs sticking out strangely like the skeleton of some giant sea creature. And all around was the desolate sea, with not a ship or fishing boat in sight. In winter, it felt as if a spirit of solitude, like a mystical shroud, had settled upon the shore and the empty waters.
Then, in the melancholy, in the dreariness, Bertha found a subtle fascination. The sky was a threatening heavy cloud, low down; and the wind tore along shouting, screaming, and whistling: there was panic in the turbulent sea, murky and yellow, and the waves leaped up, one at the other’s heels, and beat down on the beach with an angry roar. It was desolate, desolate; the sea was so merciless that the very sight appalled one: it was a wrathful power, beating forwards, ever wrathfully beating forwards, roaring with pain when the chains that bound it wrenched it back; and after each desperate effort it shrank with a yell of anguish. And the seagulls swayed above the waves in their melancholy flight, rising and falling with the wind.
Then, in the sadness, in the gloom, Bertha found a strange fascination. The sky was a heavy, threatening cloud, hanging low; and the wind howled along, shouting, screaming, and whistling: there was chaos in the churning sea, murky and yellow, and the waves surged forward, one after the other, crashing onto the beach with an angry roar. It was desolate, desolate; the sea was so relentless that just looking at it was horrifying: it was a furious force, pushing forward, always angrily pushing forward, roaring in pain when the chains that held it back pulled it away; and after each desperate attempt, it shrank back with a cry of anguish. Meanwhile, the seagulls glided above the waves in their sorrowful flight, rising and falling with the wind.
Bertha loved also the calm of winter, when the sea-mist and the mist of heaven were one; when the sea was silent and heavy, and the solitary gull flew screeching over the gray waters, screeching mournfully. She loved the calm of summer when the sky was cloudless and infinite. Then she spent long hours, lying at the water’s edge, delighted with the solitude and with her absolute peace. The sea, placid as a lake, unmoved by the lightest ripple, was a looking-glass reflecting the glory of heaven; and it turned to fire when the sun sank in the west; it was a sea of molten copper, red, brilliant, so that the eyes were dazzled. A troop of seagulls slept on the water; and there were hundreds of them, motionless and silent; one arose now and then, and flew for a moment with heavy wing, and sank down, and all was still.
Bertha also loved the stillness of winter, when the sea mist and the mist from the sky blended together; when the sea was quiet and heavy, and a lone gull flew screeching over the gray waters, crying out sadly. She loved the tranquility of summer when the sky was clear and endless. She spent long hours lying at the water's edge, enjoying the solitude and her total peace. The sea, calm like a lake, undisturbed by the slightest wave, was a mirror reflecting the beauty of the sky; it ignited with color when the sun set in the west; it became a sea of molten copper, red and brilliant, dazzling to the eyes. A flock of seagulls rested on the water; there were hundreds of them, still and silent; one would rise now and then, fly briefly with heavy wings, and then settle back down, leaving everything quiet.
Once the coolness was so tempting that Bertha could not resist it. Timidly, rapidly, she slipped off her clothes and looking round to see that there was really no one in sight, stepped in. The wavelets about her feet made her shiver a little, and then with a splash, stretching out her arms, she ran forward, and half fell, half dived into the water. Now it was delightful; she rejoiced in the freedom of her limbs, for it was an unknown pleasure to swim unhampered by costume. It gave a fine sense of power, and the salt water, lapping round her, was wonderfully exhilarating. She wanted to sing aloud in the joy of her heart. Diving below the surface, she came up with a shake of the head and a little cry of delight; then her hair was loosened and with a motion it all came tumbling about her shoulders and trailed out in its ringlets over the water.
Once the coolness became so tempting that Bertha could not resist it. Timidly and quickly, she took off her clothes and looked around to make sure there was really no one in sight before stepping in. The waves at her feet made her shiver a little, and then with a splash, stretching out her arms, she ran forward and half fell, half dived into the water. It was now delightful; she reveled in the freedom of her limbs, experiencing the unknown pleasure of swimming without a costume. It gave her a wonderful sense of power, and the salt water lapping around her was incredibly invigorating. She felt like singing out loud from the joy in her heart. Diving below the surface, she emerged with a shake of her head and a little cry of delight; then her hair loosened, and with a motion, it all tumbled around her shoulders and trailed in its ringlets over the water.
She swam out, a fearless swimmer; and it gave her a feeling of strength and independence to have the deep waters all about her, the deep calm sea of summer; she turned on her back and floated, trying to look the sun in the face. The sea glimmered with the sunbeams and the sky was dazzling. Then, returning, Bertha floated again, quite near the shore; it amused her to lie on her back, rocked by the tiny waves, and to sink her ears so that she could hear the shingle rub together curiously with the ebb and flow of the tide. She shook out her long hair and it stretched about her like an aureole.
She swam out, a fearless swimmer; and it made her feel strong and independent to have the deep waters all around her, the calm summer sea; she turned on her back and floated, trying to look directly at the sun. The sea sparkled with sunlight and the sky was bright. Then, coming back, Bertha floated again, close to the shore; she enjoyed lying on her back, rocked by the small waves, and sinking her ears so she could hear the pebbles rubbing together as the tide came in and out. She shook out her long hair and it spread around her like a halo.
She exulted in her youth—in her youth? Bertha felt no older than when she was eighteen, and yet—she was thirty. The thought made her wince; for she had never realised the passage of the years, she had never imagined that her youth was waning. Did people think her already old? The sickening fear came to her that she resembled Miss Hancock, attempting by archness and by an assumption of frivolity, to persuade her neighbours that she was juvenile. Bertha asked herself whether she was ridiculous when she rolled in the water like a young girl: you cannot act the mermaid with crow’s feet about your eyes, with wrinkles round your mouth. In a panic she dressed herself, and going home, flew to a looking-glass. She scrutinised her features as she had never done before, searching anxiously for the signs she feared to see; she looked at her neck and at her eyes: her skin was as smooth as ever, her teeth as perfect. She gave a sigh of relief.
She reveled in her youth—in her youth? Bertha felt no older than when she was eighteen, yet—she was thirty. The thought made her wince; she had never noticed the passing years, never imagined that her youth was fading. Did people think she was already old? A sickening fear crept in that she resembled Miss Hancock, trying to act playful and lighthearted to convince her neighbors that she was still young. Bertha wondered if she looked silly when she frolicked in the water like a young girl: you can’t play the mermaid with crow’s feet around your eyes and wrinkles around your mouth. In a panic, she dressedand, on her way home, dashed to a mirror. She examined her features more closely than ever before, anxiously searching for the signs she dreaded; she looked at her neck and her eyes: her skin was as smooth as ever, her teeth still perfect. She let out a sigh of relief.
“I see no difference.”
"I don't see a difference."
Then, doubly to reassure herself, a fantastic idea seized Bertha to dress as though she were going to a great ball; she wished to see herself to all advantage. She chose the most splendid gown she had, and took out her jewels. The Leys had sold every vestige of their old magnificence, but their diamonds, with characteristic obstinacy, they had invariably declined to part with; and they lay aside, year after year unused, the stones in their old settings, dulled with dust and neglect. The moisture still in Bertha’s hair was an excuse to do it capriciously, and she placed in it the beautiful tiara which her grandmother had worn in the Regency. On her shoulders she wore two ornaments exquisitely set in gold-work, purloined by a great-uncle in the Peninsular War from the saint of a Spanish church. She slipped a string of pearls round her neck, bracelets on her arms, and fastened a glistening row of stars to her bosom. Knowing she had beautiful hands, Bertha disdained to wear rings, but now she covered her fingers with diamonds and emeralds and sapphires.
Then, to reassure herself even more, Bertha had a wild idea: she decided to dress as if she were going to a grand ball; she wanted to look her best. She picked the most stunning gown she owned and pulled out her jewelry. The Leys had sold off most of their former grandeur, but they stubbornly held onto their diamonds, which lay unused year after year, the stones in their old settings covered in dust and neglect. The dampness still in Bertha’s hair gave her a reason to act playfully, and she placed the beautiful tiara that her grandmother wore during the Regency in her hair. She adorned her shoulders with two beautifully crafted gold ornaments, taken by a great-uncle during the Peninsular War from a Spanish church. She draped a strand of pearls around her neck, slipped on bracelets, and pinned a sparkling row of stars to her chest. Aware of her beautiful hands, Bertha usually preferred not to wear rings, but now she adorned her fingers with diamonds, emeralds, and sapphires.
Finally she stood before the looking-glass, and gave a laugh of pleasure. She was not old yet.
Finally, she stood in front of the mirror and let out a laugh of joy. She wasn't old yet.
But when she sailed into the drawing-room, Edward jumped up in surprise.
But when she walked into the living room, Edward jumped up in surprise.
“Good Lord!” he cried. “What on earth’s up! Have we got people coming to dinner?”
“Good Lord!” he exclaimed. “What’s going on? Do we have guests coming for dinner?”
“My dear, if we had, I should not have dressed like this.”
“My dear, if we had, I wouldn’t have dressed like this.”
“You’re got up as if the Prince of Wales were coming. And I’m only in knickerbockers. It’s not our wedding-day?”
“You’ve dressed up like the Prince of Wales is coming. And I’m just in knickerbockers. It’s not our wedding day, is it?”
“Then I should like to know why you’ve dressed yourself up like that.”
“Then I’d like to know why you’re dressed like that.”
“I thought it would please you,” she said, smiling.
“I thought it would make you happy,” she said, smiling.
“I wish you’d told me—I’d have dressed too. Are you sure no one’s coming?”
“I wish you had told me—I would have dressed up too. Are you sure no one’s coming?”
“Quite sure.”
“Definitely.”
“Well, I think I ought to dress. It would look so queer if some one turned up.”
“Well, I think I should get dressed. It would look so strange if someone showed up.”
“If any one does, I promise you I’ll fly.”
“If anyone does, I promise I’ll fly.”
They went in to dinner, Edward feeling very uncomfortable, and keeping his ear alert for the front-door bell. They ate their soup, and then were set on the table—the remains of a cold leg of mutton and mashed potatoes. Bertha looked for a moment blankly, and then, leaning back, burst into peal upon peal of laughter.
They went in for dinner, Edward feeling very uneasy and staying alert for the front-door bell. They had their soup, and then what was left on the table was a cold leg of mutton and mashed potatoes. Bertha stared blankly for a moment, then leaned back and burst into fits of laughter.
“Good Lord, what is the matter now?” asked Edward.
“Good Lord, what's the problem now?” asked Edward.
Nothing is more annoying than to have people violently hilarious over a joke that you cannot see.
Nothing is more frustrating than watching people laugh uncontrollably at a joke you just don't get.
Bertha held her sides and tried to speak.
Bertha held her sides and tried to talk.
“I’ve just remembered that I told the servants they might go out to-night, there’s a circus at Blackstable; and I said we’d just eat up the odds and ends.”
“I just remembered that I told the staff they could go out tonight; there’s a circus in Blackstable, and I said we’d just finish off the leftovers.”
“I don’t see any joke in that.”
"I don't find that funny at all."
And really there was none, but Bertha laughed again immoderately.
And really there was none, but Bertha laughed uncontrollably again.
“I suppose there are some pickles,” said Edward.
“I guess there are some pickles,” Edward said.
Bertha repressed her gaiety and began to eat.
Bertha held back her happiness and started to eat.
Chapter XXXV
BUT in the winter of that very year Edward, while hunting, had an accident. For years he had made a practice of riding unmanageable horses, and he never heard of a vicious beast without wishing to try it. He knew that he was a fine rider, and since he was never shy of parading his powers, nor loath to taunt others on the score of inferior skill or courage, he preferred difficult animals. It gratified him to see people point to him and say, “There’s a good rider:” and his best joke with some person on a horse that pulled or refused, was to cry: “You don’t seem friends with your gee; would you like to try mine?” And then, touching its sides with his spurs, he set it prancing. He was merciless with the cautious hunters who looked for low parts of a hedge or tried to get through a gate instead of over it; and when any one said a jump was dangerous, Edward with a laugh promptly went for it, shouting as he did so—
BUT in the winter of that very year, Edward had an accident while hunting. For years, he had made a habit of riding difficult horses, and he never heard of a nasty one without wanting to give it a try. He knew he was a great rider, and since he loved showing off his skills and teasing others for their lack of ability or bravery, he went for challenging animals. It pleased him to hear people point to him and say, “There’s a talented rider.” His favorite joke with someone on a horse that was acting up was to yell, “You don’t seem to get along with your horse; want to give mine a shot?” And then, nudging its sides with his spurs, he made it prance. He was relentless with the cautious hunters who looked for low spots in a hedge or tried to get through a gate instead of jumping over it; when anyone mentioned that a jump was risky, Edward would laugh and go for it, shouting as he did—
“I wouldn’t try it if I were you. You might fall off.”
“I wouldn’t attempt that if I were you. You might end up falling off.”
He had just bought a roan for a mere song, because it jumped uncertainly, and had a trick of swinging a fore-leg as it rose. He took it out on the earliest opportunity, and the first two hedges and a ditch the horse cleared easily. Edward thought that once again he had got for almost nothing a hunter that merely wanted riding properly to behave like a lamb. They rode on, and came to a post and rail fence.
He had just bought a roan for a steal because it jumped hesitantly and had a habit of swinging a front leg as it took off. He took it out at the first opportunity, and the horse easily cleared the first two hedges and a ditch. Edward thought that, once again, he had gotten a hunter for almost nothing that just needed to be ridden correctly to act like a lamb. They continued on and arrived at a post and rail fence.
“Now, my beauty, this’ll show what you’re made of.”
“Alright, beautiful, this will show what you’re made of.”
He took the horse up in a canter, and pressed his legs; the horse did not rise, but swerved round suddenly.
He urged the horse into a canter and squeezed his legs; the horse didn't move forward but suddenly veered to the side.
“No, you don’t,” said Edward, taking him back.
“No, you don’t,” Edward said, surprising him.
“Why don’t you get down and walk over?” he shouted, as he passed Edward and took the jump.
“Why don’t you get down and walk over?” he yelled as he passed Edward and jumped down.
“I’ll either get over or break my neck,” said Edward, setting his teeth.
“I’ll either get through this or break my neck,” said Edward, gritting his teeth.
But he did neither. He set the roan at the jump for the fourth time, hitting him with his crop; the beast rose, and then letting the fore-leg swing, came down with a crash.
But he did neither. He set the roan at the jump for the fourth time, hitting him with his whip; the beast rose, and then letting the foreleg swing, came down with a crash.
Edward fell heavily, and for a minute was stunned. When he recovered consciousness, he found some one pouring brandy down his neck.
Edward fell hard and was stunned for a moment. When he came to, he noticed someone pouring brandy down his neck.
“Is the horse hurt?” he asked, not thinking of himself.
“Is the horse injured?” he asked, not thinking of himself.
“No; he’s all right. How d’you feel?”
“No; he’s good. How do you feel?”
A young surgeon was in the field, and rode up. “What’s the matter? Any one injured?”
A young surgeon was out in the field and rode up. “What’s going on? Is anyone hurt?”
“No,” said Edward, struggling to his feet, somewhat annoyed at the exhibition he thought he was making of himself. “One would think none of you fellows had ever seen a man come down before. I’ve seen most of you come off often enough.”
“No,” Edward said, pushing himself up, a bit annoyed at how he thought he was coming off. “You’d think none of you guys had ever seen a man fall before. I’ve seen most of you wipe out plenty of times.”
He walked up to the horse, and put his foot in the stirrup.
He approached the horse and placed his foot in the stirrup.
“You’d better go home, Craddock,” said the surgeon. “I expect you’re a bit shaken up.”
“You should head home, Craddock,” said the surgeon. “I imagine you’re feeling a bit shaken.”
“Go home be damned. Confound!” As he tried to mount, Edward felt a pain at the top of his chest. “I believe I’ve broken something.”
“Go home, damn it. Ugh!” As he tried to get on, Edward felt pain in his chest. “I think I’ve broken something.”
The surgeon went up and helped him off with his coat. He twisted Edward’s arm.
The surgeon came over and helped him take off his coat. He twisted Edward's arm.
“Does that hurt?”
“Is that painful?”
“A bit.”
"A little."
“You’ve broken your collar-bone,” said the surgeon, after a moment’s examination.
“You’ve broken your collarbone,” said the surgeon, after a moment’s examination.
“I thought I’d smashed something. How long will it take to mend?”
“I thought I had broken something. How long will it take to fix?”
“Only three weeks. You needn’t be alarmed.”
“Just three weeks. You don’t need to worry.”
Edward was driven to Dr. Ramsay, who bandaged him and sent him back to Court Leys. Bertha was surprised to see him in a dogcart. Edward by now had recovered his good temper, and explained the occurrence, laughing.
Edward was taken to Dr. Ramsay, who wrapped up his injuries and sent him back to Court Leys. Bertha was surprised to see him in a horse-drawn cart. By then, Edward had regained his good mood and explained what happened while laughing.
“It’s nothing to make a fuss about. Only I’m bandaged up so that I feel like a mummy, and I don’t know how I’m going to get a bath. That’s what worries me.”
“It’s not a big deal. It’s just that I’m all bandaged up like a mummy, and I have no idea how I’m going to take a bath. That’s what's stressing me out.”
Next day Arthur Branderton came to see him. “You’ve found your match at last, Craddock.”
Next day, Arthur Branderton came to see him. “You’ve finally found your match, Craddock.”
“Me? Not much! I shall be all right in a month, and then out I go again.”
“Me? Not much! I’ll be fine in a month, and then I’ll be out again.”
“I wouldn’t ride him again, if I were you. It’s not worth it. With that trick of his of swinging his leg, you’ll break your neck.”
“I wouldn’t ride him again if I were you. It's not worth it. With that habit of his of swinging his leg, you could really hurt yourself.”
“Bah,” said Edward, scornfully. “The horse hasn’t been built that I can’t ride.”
“Bah,” Edward said with disdain. “There’s no horse that I can’t ride.”
“You’re a good weight now, and your bones aren’t as supple as when you were twenty. The next fall you have will be a bad one.”
“You're at a good weight now, and your bones aren't as flexible as they were when you were twenty. The next time you fall, it’s going to be serious.”
“Rot, man! One would think I was eighty; I’ve never funked a horse yet, and I’m not going to begin now.”
“Ugh, man! You’d think I was eighty; I’ve never backed down from a horse yet, and I’m not about to start now.”
Branderton shrugged his shoulders, and said nothing more at the time, but afterwards spoke to Bertha privately.
Branderton shrugged and said nothing more then, but later spoke to Bertha in private.
“You know, I think, if I were you, I’d persuade Edward to get rid of that horse. I don’t think he ought to ride it again. It’s not safe. However well he rides, it won’t save him if the beast has got a bad trick.”
“You know, I think if I were you, I’d convince Edward to get rid of that horse. I don’t think he should ride it again. It’s not safe. No matter how well he rides, it won’t protect him if the horse has a bad habit.”
Bertha had in this particular great faith in her husband’s skill. Whatever he could not do, he was certainly one of the finest riders in the county; but she spoke to him notwithstanding.
Bertha had a strong faith in her husband’s skills. Whatever he couldn’t handle, he was definitely one of the best riders in the county; still, she talked to him anyway.
“Pooh, that’s all rot!” he said. “I tell you what, on the 11th of next month we go over pretty well the same ground; and I’m going out, and I swear he’s going over that post and rail in Coulter’s field.”
“Pooh, that’s just nonsense!” he said. “I’ll tell you what, on the 11th of next month we’ll cover pretty much the same area; and I’m going out, and I swear he’s going to jump that post and rail in Coulter’s field.”
“You’re very incautious.”
“You're too reckless.”
“No, I’m not. I know exactly what a horse can do. And I know that horse can jump if he wants to, and by George, I’ll make him. Why, if I funked it now I could never ride again. When a chap gets to be near forty and has a bad fall, the only thing is to go for it again at once, or he’ll lose his nerve and never get it back. I’ve seen that over and over again.”
“No, I’m not. I know exactly what a horse can do. And I know that horse can jump if he wants to, and by George, I’ll make him. Honestly, if I backed out now, I could never ride again. When a guy gets to be nearly forty and has a bad fall, the only thing to do is to go for it again right away, or he’ll lose his nerve and never get it back. I’ve seen that happen over and over again.”
Miss Glover later on, when Edward’s bandages were removed and he was fairly well, begged Bertha to use her influence with him.
Miss Glover later, when Edward’s bandages were taken off and he was doing pretty well, urged Bertha to use her influence with him.
“I’ve heard he’s a most dangerous horse, Bertha. I think it would be madness for Edward to ride him.”
“I’ve heard he’s a really dangerous horse, Bertha. I think it would be crazy for Edward to ride him.”
“I’ve begged him to sell it, but he merely laughs at me,” said Bertha. “He’s extremely obstinate and I have very little power over him.”
“I’ve asked him to sell it, but he just laughs at me,” said Bertha. “He’s really stubborn, and I have very little influence over him.”
“Aren’t you dreadfully frightened?”
"Aren't you super scared?"
Bertha laughed. “No, I’m really not. You know he always has ridden dangerous horses and he’s never come to any harm. When we were first married I used to go through agonies. Every time he hunted I used to think he’d be brought home dead on a stretcher. But he never was, and I calmed down by degrees.”
Bertha laughed. “No, I really’m not. You know he’s always ridden dangerous horses and he’s never gotten hurt. When we first got married, I used to go through so much anxiety. Every time he went hunting, I thought he’d be brought home dead on a stretcher. But he never was, and I gradually calmed down.”
“I wonder you could.”
"I wonder if you could."
“My dear, no one can keep on being frightfully agitated for ten years. People who live on volcanoes forget all about it; and you’d soon get used to sitting on barrels of gunpowder if you had no armchair.”
“My dear, no one can stay completely agitated for ten years. People who live near volcanoes forget about the danger; and you’d quickly get used to sitting on barrels of gunpowder if you didn’t have an armchair.”
“Never!” said Miss Glover, with conviction, seeing a vivid picture of herself in such a position.
“Never!” said Miss Glover firmly, imagining herself in that situation.
Miss Glover was unaltered. Time passed over her head powerlessly; she still looked anything between five-and-twenty and forty, her hair was no more washed-out, her figure in its armour of black cloth was as juvenile as ever; and not a new idea nor a thought had entered her mind. She was like Alice’s queen, who ran at the top of her speed and remained in the same place; but with Miss Glover the process was reversed: the world moved on, apparently faster and faster as the century drew near its end, but she remained fixed—an incarnation of the eighteen-eighties.
Miss Glover was unchanged. Time passed over her without any effect; she still looked anywhere from twenty-five to forty, her hair was just as vibrant, and her figure in its black cloth outfit was as youthful as ever; and not a single new idea or thought had crossed her mind. She was like Alice’s queen, who ran at top speed but stayed in the same place; but with Miss Glover, it was the opposite: the world moved on, seemingly faster and faster as the century approached its end, but she remained stuck—an embodiment of the 1880s.
The day before the 11th arrived. The hounds were to meet at the Share and Coulter, as when Edward had been thrown. He sent for Dr. Ramsay to assure Bertha that he was quite fit; and after the examination, brought him into the drawing-room.
The day before the 11th arrived. The hounds were to meet at the Share and Coulter, just like when Edward had fallen. He called for Dr. Ramsay to reassure Bertha that he was perfectly fine; and after the check-up, he brought him into the living room.
“Dr. Ramsay says my collar-bone is stronger than ever.”
“Dr. Ramsay says my collarbone is stronger than ever.”
“But I don’t think he ought to ride the roan notwithstanding. Can’t you persuade Edward not to, Bertha?”
“But I don’t think he should ride the roan anyway. Can’t you convince Edward not to, Bertha?”
Bertha looked from the doctor to Edward, smiling. “I’ve done my best.”
Bertha looked from the doctor to Edward, smiling. “I’ve done my best.”
“Bertha knows better than to bother,” said Edward. “She don’t think much of me as a churchwarden, but when a horse is concerned, she does trust me; don’t you, dear?”
“Bertha knows better than to bother,” Edward said. “She doesn't think much of me as a churchwarden, but when it comes to a horse, she does trust me; right, dear?”
“I really do.”
“I totally do.”
“There,” said Edward, much pleased, “that’s what I call a good wife.”
“There,” said Edward, feeling pretty happy, “that’s what I’d call a great wife.”
Next day the horse was brought round and Bertha filled Edward’s flask.
The next day, they brought the horse around, and Bertha filled Edward's flask.
“You’ll bury me nicely if I break my neck, won’t you?” he said, laughing. “You’ll order a handsome tombstone.”
“You’ll give me a nice burial if I break my neck, right?” he said, laughing. “You’ll get a nice tombstone.”
“My dear, you’ll never come to a violent end. I feel certain you will die in your bed when you’re a hundred and two, with a crowd of descendants weeping round you. You’re just that sort of man.”
“My dear, you'll never meet a violent end. I’m confident you’ll pass away in your bed at the age of 102, surrounded by a family of descendants mourning you. You’re just that kind of person.”
“Ha, ha!” he laughed. “I don’t know where the descendants are coming in.”
“Ha, ha!” he laughed. “I have no idea where the descendants are coming from.”
“I have a presentiment that I am doomed to make way for Fanny Glover. I’m sure there’s a fatality about it. I’ve felt for years that you will eventually marry her, and it’s horrid of me to have kept you waiting so long—especially as she pines for you, poor thing.”
“I have a feeling that I’m meant to make room for Fanny Glover. I’m convinced there’s no escaping it. I’ve known for years that you’re going to marry her, and it’s awful of me to keep you waiting this long—especially since she longs for you, poor thing.”
Edward laughed again. “Well, good-bye!”
Edward laughed again. “Well, goodbye!”
“Good-bye. Remember me to Mrs. Arthur.”
“Goodbye. Please say hi to Mrs. Arthur for me.”
She stood at the window to see him mount, and as he flourished his crop at her, she waved her hand.
She stood by the window to watch him ride off, and as he waved his whip at her, she waved back.
The winter day closed in and Bertha, interested in the novel she was reading, was surprised to hear the clock strike five. She wondered that Edward had not yet come in, and ringing for tea and the lamps, had the curtains drawn. He could not now be long.
The winter day came to an end, and Bertha, absorbed in the novel she was reading, was caught off guard when the clock struck five. She thought it was odd that Edward still hadn’t come in, so she called for tea and the lamps and had the curtains drawn. He couldn't be much longer now.
“I wonder if he’s had another fall,” she said, with a smile. “He really ought to give up hunting, he’s getting too fat.”
“I wonder if he’s had another fall,” she said with a smile. “He really should give up hunting; he’s getting too heavy.”
She decided to wait no longer, but poured out her tea and arranged herself so that she could get at the scones and see comfortably to read. Then she heard a carriage drive up. Who could it be?
She decided she couldn't wait any longer, so she poured out her tea and positioned herself to easily reach the scones and read comfortably. Then she heard a carriage pull up. Who could it be?
“What bores these people are to call at this time!”
“What a drag these people are to show up at this time!”
As the bell was rung, Bertha put down her book to receive the visitor. But no one was shown in; there was a confused sound of voices without. Could something have happened to Edward after all? She sprang to her feet and walked half across the room. She heard an unknown voice in the hall.
As the bell rang, Bertha set her book aside to greet the visitor. But no one was let in; there was a jumble of voices outside. Could something have happened to Edward after all? She jumped to her feet and walked halfway across the room. She heard an unfamiliar voice in the hallway.
“Where shall we take it?”
“Where should we take it?”
It. What was it—a corpse? Bertha felt a coldness travel through all her body, she put her hand on a chair, so that she might steady herself if she felt faint. The door was opened slowly by Arthur Branderton, and he closed it quickly behind him.
It. What was it—a dead body? Bertha felt a chill run through her entire body; she placed her hand on a chair to steady herself in case she felt like fainting. The door was slowly opened by Arthur Branderton, and he quickly closed it behind him.
“I’m awfully sorry, but there’s been an accident. Edward is rather hurt.”
“I’m really sorry, but there’s been an accident. Edward is pretty hurt.”
She looked at him, growing pale, but found nothing to answer.
She looked at him, her face turning pale, but couldn’t find anything to say.
“You must nerve yourself, Bertha. I’m afraid he’s very bad. You’d better sit down.”
“You need to prepare yourself, Bertha. I'm worried he’s really not well. You should sit down.”
He hesitated, and she turned to him with sudden anger.
He paused, and she shot him a look of sudden anger.
“If he’s dead, why don’t you tell me?”
“If he’s dead, why don’t you just tell me?”
“I’m awfully sorry. We did all we could. He fell at the same post and rail fence as the other day. I think he must have lost his nerve. I was close by him, I saw him rush at it blindly, and then pull just as the horse was rising. They came down with a crash.”
“I'm really sorry. We did everything we could. He fell at the same post and rail fence as the other day. I think he must have lost his nerve. I was nearby, I saw him rush at it without thinking, and then pull back just as the horse was taking off. They came down with a crash.”
“Is he dead?”
"Is he dead?"
“Yes.”
“Yep.”
Bertha did not feel faint. She was a little horrified at the clearness with which she was able to understand Arthur Branderton. She seemed to feel nothing at all. The young man looked at her as if he expected that she would weep or swoon.
Bertha didn’t feel lightheaded. She was somewhat shocked by how clearly she could understand Arthur Branderton. She seemed to feel nothing at all. The young man looked at her as if he expected her to cry or faint.
“Would you like me to send my wife to you?”
“Do you want me to send my wife to you?”
“No, thanks.”
“No, thank you.”
Bertha understood quite well that her husband was dead, but the news seemed to make no impression upon her. She heard it unmoved, as though it referred to a stranger. She found herself wondering what young Branderton thought of her unconcern.
Bertha knew very well that her husband was dead, but the news didn’t seem to affect her. She heard it without reacting, as if it was about someone she didn’t know. She couldn’t help but wonder what young Branderton thought of her indifference.
“Won’t you sit down,” he said, taking her arm and leading her to a chair. “Shall I get you some brandy?”
“Won’t you sit down?” he asked, taking her arm and guiding her to a chair. “Can I get you some brandy?”
“I’m all right, thanks. You need not trouble about me—Where is he?”
“I’m fine, thanks. You don’t need to worry about me—Where is he?”
“I told them to take him upstairs. Shall I send Ramsay’s assistant to you? He’s here.”
“I told them to take him upstairs. Should I send Ramsay’s assistant to you? He’s here.”
“No,” she said, in a low voice. “I want nothing. Have they taken him up already?”
“No,” she said softly. “I don’t want anything. Have they taken him up yet?”
“Yes, but I don’t think you ought to go to him. It will upset you dreadfully.”
“Yes, but I don’t think you should go to him. It will upset you really badly.”
“I’ll go to my room. Do you mind if I leave you? I should prefer to be alone.”
“I’m going to my room. Is it okay if I leave you? I’d rather be alone.”
Branderton held the door open and Bertha walked out, her face very pale, but showing not the least trace of emotion. Branderton walked to Leanham Vicarage to send Miss Glover to Court Leys, and then home, where he told his wife that the wretched widow was stunned by the shock.
Branderton held the door open and Bertha walked out, her face very pale, but showing no hint of emotion. Branderton walked to Leanham Vicarage to send Miss Glover to Court Leys, and then home, where he told his wife that the poor widow was taken aback by the shock.
Bertha locked herself in her room. She heard the hum of voices in the house, Dr. Ramsay came to her door, but she refused to open; then all was quite still.
Bertha locked herself in her room. She heard the low murmur of voices in the house; Dr. Ramsay knocked on her door, but she wouldn’t let him in; then everything went completely quiet.
She was aghast at the blankness of her heart, the tranquility was so inhuman that she wondered if she was going mad; she felt no emotion whatever. Bertha repeated to herself that Edward was killed; he was lying quite near at hand, dead—and she felt no grief. She remembered her anguish years before when she thought of his death; and now that it had taken place she did not faint, she did not weep, she was untroubled. Bertha had hidden herself to conceal her tears from strange eyes, and the tears came not. After her sudden suspicion was confirmed, she had experienced no emotion whatever; she was horrified that the tragic death affected her so little. She walked to the window and looked out, trying to gather her thoughts, trying to make herself care; but she was almost indifferent.
She was shocked by the emptiness in her heart; the calmness felt so unnatural that she wondered if she was losing her mind. She felt no emotion at all. Bertha kept telling herself that Edward was dead; he was lying close by, lifeless—and she felt no sadness. She remembered the pain she felt years ago when she thought about his death, and now that it had actually happened, she didn’t faint, didn’t cry, and felt completely at ease. Bertha had hidden herself to keep her tears from strangers, but the tears didn’t come. After her sudden fear was confirmed, she felt nothing at all; she was appalled that the tragic news affected her so little. She walked to the window and looked outside, trying to collect her thoughts, trying to make herself care; but she felt almost indifferent.
“I must be frightfully cruel,” she muttered.
“I must be incredibly cruel,” she muttered.
Then the idea came of what her friends would say when they saw her calm self-possession. She tried to weep, but her eyes remained dry.
Then she thought about what her friends would say when they saw her calm demeanor. She tried to cry, but her eyes stayed dry.
There was a knock at the door, and Miss Glover’s voice, broken with tears, “Bertha, Bertha, wont you let me in? It’s me—Fanny.”
There was a knock at the door, and Miss Glover’s voice, shaky with tears, said, “Bertha, Bertha, will you let me in? It’s me—Fanny.”
Bertha sprang to her feet, but did not answer.
Bertha jumped to her feet but didn’t reply.
Miss Glover called again, and her voice was choked with sobs. Why could Fanny Glover weep for Edward’s death, who was a stranger, when she, Bertha, remained insensible?
Miss Glover called again, her voice trembling with tears. Why could Fanny Glover cry for Edward’s death, a person she didn’t even know, while she, Bertha, felt nothing?
“Bertha!”
"Bertha!"
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
“Open the door for me. Oh, I’m so sorry for you. Please let me in.”
“Open the door for me. Oh, I’m really sorry for you. Please let me in.”
Bertha looked wildly at the door, she dared not let Miss Glover come.
Bertha glanced anxiously at the door; she couldn’t let Miss Glover in.
“I can see no one now,” she cried, hoarsely. “Don’t ask me.”
“I can't see anyone right now,” she yelled, her voice rough. “Please don’t ask me.”
“I think I could comfort you.”
"I think I could help you feel better."
“I want to be alone.”
"I need some alone time."
Miss Glover was silent for a minute, crying audibly.
Miss Glover was quiet for a minute, sobbing softly.
“Shall I wait downstairs? You can ring if you want me. Perhaps you’ll see me later.”
“Should I wait downstairs? You can call me if you need me. Maybe I’ll see you later.”
Bertha wished to tell her to go away, but dared not.
Bertha wanted to tell her to leave, but she didn’t have the courage to do it.
“Do as you like,” she said.
“Do what you want,” she said.
And one thought came to Bertha, assailing her like a devil tormenting. She cried out in horror, for this was more odious than anything; it was simply intolerable. She threw herself on her bed and buried her face in her pillow to drive it away. For shame, she put her hands to her ears so as not to hear the invisible fiends that whispered it silently.
And one thought hit Bertha like a tormenting demon. She cried out in horror, for it was more disgusting than anything; it was just unbearable. She threw herself onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow to push it away. Out of shame, she covered her ears to block out the invisible demons that whispered it silently.
She was free.
She was free.
She quailed before the thought, but could not crush it. “Has it come to this!” she murmured.
She recoiled at the thought, but couldn’t shake it. “Is it really this bad?” she murmured.
And then came back the recollection of the beginnings of her love. She recalled the passion that had thrown her blindly into Edward’s arms, her bitter humiliation when she realised that he could not respond to her ardour; her love was a fire playing ineffectually upon a rock of basalt. She recalled the hatred which followed the disillusion, and finally the indifference. It was the same indifference that chilled her heart now.
And then the memories of how her love began came flooding back. She remembered the passion that had pushed her blindly into Edward’s arms, her painful humiliation when she realized that he couldn’t reciprocate her feelings; her love was like a fire trying to warm a hard rock. She thought of the hatred that came after her disillusionment, and ultimately the indifference. It was the same indifference that was freezing her heart now.
Her life seemed all wasted when she compared her mad desire for happiness with the misery she had actually endured. Bertha’s many hopes stood out like phantoms, and she looked at them despairingly. She had expected so much and secured so little. She felt a terrible pain at her heart as she considered all she had gone through. Her strength fell away, and overcome by her own self-pity, she sank to her knees and burst into tears.
Her life felt completely wasted when she compared her intense desire for happiness with the suffering she had experienced. Bertha’s many hopes loomed like ghosts, and she gazed at them in despair. She had anticipated so much and achieved so little. A deep pain filled her heart as she reflected on everything she had endured. Her strength drained away, and overwhelmed by her own self-pity, she dropped to her knees and began to cry.
“Oh, God!” she cried, “what have I done that I should have been so unhappy?”
“Oh, God!” she exclaimed, “what did I do to deserve being so unhappy?”
She sobbed aloud, not caring to restrain her grief. Miss Glover, good soul, was waiting outside the room in case Bertha wanted her, crying silently. She knocked again when she heard the impetuous sobs within.
She cried out loud, not bothering to hold back her sadness. Miss Glover, kind-hearted as always, was waiting outside the room in case Bertha needed her, silently weeping. She knocked again when she heard the fierce sobs coming from inside.
“Oh, Bertha, do let me in. You’re tormenting yourself so much more because you won’t see anybody.”
“Oh, Bertha, please let me in. You’re making yourself suffer even more by not seeing anyone.”
“Oh, my dear, my dear, it’s utterly dreadful; I’m so sorry for you. I don’t know what to say. I can only pray.”
“Oh, my dear, my dear, it's absolutely terrible; I'm so sorry for you. I don’t know what to say. I can only pray.”
Bertha sobbed unrestrainedly—not because Edward was dead.
Bertha cried uncontrollably—not because Edward was dead.
“All you have now is God,” said Miss Glover.
“All you have now is God,” said Miss Glover.
At last Bertha tore herself away and dried her eyes.
At last, Bertha pulled herself away and wiped her eyes dry.
“Don’t try and be too brave, Bertha,” compassionately said the Vicar’s sister. “It will do you good to cry. He was such a good, kind man, and he loved you so devotedly.”
“Don’t try to be too brave, Bertha,” the Vicar’s sister said compassionately. “It’s okay to cry. He was such a good, kind man, and he loved you so deeply.”
Bertha looked at her in silence.
Bertha stared at her without saying anything.
“I must be horribly cruel,” she thought.
“I must be really cruel,” she thought.
“Do you mind if I stay here to-night, dear,” added Miss Glover. “I’ve sent word to Charles.”
“Do you mind if I stay here tonight, dear?” Miss Glover added. “I’ve let Charles know.”
“Oh, no, please don’t. If you care for me, Fanny, let me be alone. I don’t want to be unkind, but I can’t bear to see any one.”
“Oh, no, please don’t. If you care about me, Fanny, just let me be alone. I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t handle seeing anyone right now.”
Miss Glover was deeply pained. “I don’t want to be in the way. If you really wish me to go, I’ll go.”
Miss Glover was really hurt. “I don’t want to be a burden. If you truly want me to leave, I’ll leave.”
“I feel if I can’t be alone, I shall go mad.”
“I feel like if I can’t be alone, I will go crazy.”
“Would you like to see Charles?”
“Do you want to see Charles?”
Chapter XXXVI
ALONE in her room once more, memories of the past crowded upon her. The last years fled from her mind and Bertha saw vividly again the first days of her love, the visit to Edward at his farm, the night at the gate of Court Leys when he asked her to marry him. She recalled the rapture with which she had flung herself into his arms. Forgetting the real Edward who had just died, she remembered the tall strong youth who had made her faint with love; and her passion returned, overwhelming. On the chimney-piece stood a photograph of Edward as he was then; it had been before her for years, but she had never noticed it. She took it and pressed it to her heart, and kissed it. A thousand things came back and she saw him again standing before her as he was, manly, strong, so that she felt his love a protection against all the world.
ALONE in her room once again, memories from the past flooded her mind. The last few years slipped away, and Bertha vividly remembered the early days of her love, visiting Edward at his farm, and that night at the gate of Court Leys when he proposed. She recalled the joy with which she had thrown herself into his arms. Forgetting about the real Edward who had just died, she remembered the tall, strong young man who had made her swoon with love; and her passion returned, overwhelming her. On the mantelpiece sat a photograph of Edward as he used to be; it had been in front of her for years, but she had never really noticed it. She picked it up, held it to her heart, and kissed it. A flood of memories returned, and she envisioned him again standing before her just as he was, manly and strong, making her feel that his love protected her from everything.
But what was the use now?
But what was the point now?
“I should be mad if I began to love him again when it is too late.”
“I would be crazy to start loving him again when it's too late.”
Bertha was appalled by the regret which she felt rising within her, a devil that wrung her heart in an iron grip. Oh, she could not risk the possibility of grief, she had suffered too much and she must kill in herself the springs of pain. She dared not leave things which in future years might be the foundations of a new idolatry. Her only chance of peace was to destroy everything that might recall him.
Bertha was horrified by the regret that bubbled up inside her, a demon that tightened around her heart like a vice. She couldn't risk the chance of feeling grief; she had endured too much and had to eliminate any source of pain within herself. She couldn’t leave behind anything that could become the basis of a new obsession in the future. Her only path to peace was to erase everything that could remind her of him.
She seized the photograph and without daring to look again, withdrew it from the frame and rapidly tore it in pieces. She looked round the room.
She grabbed the photograph and, not daring to look again, pulled it out of the frame and quickly ripped it into pieces. She glanced around the room.
“I musn’t leave anything,” she muttered.
“I shouldn’t leave anything,” she muttered.
She saw on a table an album containing pictures of Edward at all ages, the child with long curls, the urchin in knickerbockers, the schoolboy, the lover of her heart. She had persuaded him to be photographed in London during their honeymoon, and he was there in half-a-dozen different positions. Bertha thought her heart would break as she destroyed them one by one, and it needed all the strength she had to prevent her from covering them with passionate kisses. Her fingers ached with the tearing, but in a little while they were all in fragments in the fireplace. Then, desperately, she added the letters Edward had written to her; and applied a match. She watched them curl and frizzle and burn; and presently they were ashes.
She saw on a table an album filled with pictures of Edward at all ages: the child with long curls, the little boy in knickerbockers, the schoolboy, the love of her life. She had convinced him to pose for photos in London during their honeymoon, and there he was in half a dozen different poses. Bertha thought her heart would break as she destroyed them one by one, needing all her strength to stop herself from covering them with passionate kisses. Her fingers throbbed from the ripping, but soon they were all in pieces in the fireplace. Then, in a frenzy, she added the letters Edward had written to her and lit a match. She watched them curl and sizzle and burn; before long, they were just ashes.
She sank on a chair, exhausted by the effort, but quickly roused herself. She drank some water, nerving herself for a more terrible ordeal; for she knew that on the next few hours depended her future peace.
She collapsed into a chair, worn out from the effort, but quickly pulled herself together. She had a drink of water, steeling herself for an even worse ordeal; she knew that her future peace depended on the next few hours.
By now the night was late, a stormy night with the wind howling through the leafless trees. Bertha started when it beat against the windows with a scream that was nearly human. A fear seized her of what she was about to do, but she was driven by a greater fear. She took a candle, and opening the door, listened. There was no one; the wind roared with its long monotonous voice, and the branches of a tree beating against a window in the passage gave a ghastly tap-tap, as if unseen spirits were near.
By now, it was late at night, a stormy night with the wind howling through the bare trees. Bertha jumped when it battered against the windows with a scream that almost sounded human. A fear gripped her about what she was about to do, but she was pushed by an even greater fear. She took a candle, opened the door, and listened. There was no one there; the wind roared with its long, monotonous voice, and the branches of a tree tapping against a window in the hallway made a creepy tap-tap, as if unseen spirits were nearby.
The living, in the presence of death, feel that the whole air is full of something new and terrible. A greater sensitiveness perceives an inexplicable feeling of something present, or of some horrible thing happening invisibly. Bertha walked to her husband’s room and for a while dared not enter. At last she opened the door, she lit the candles on the chimney-piece and on the dressing-table, then went to the bed. Edward was lying on his back, with a handkerchief bound round his jaw to hold it up, his hands crossed in front.
The living, faced with death, sense that the entire atmosphere is filled with something strange and terrifying. A heightened awareness picks up on an unexplainable presence, or some horrific event occurring out of sight. Bertha walked to her husband’s room and hesitated to go in for a moment. Finally, she opened the door, lit the candles on the mantel and on the dresser, and then approached the bed. Edward was lying on his back, a handkerchief wrapped around his jaw to support it, his hands crossed in front.
Bertha stood in front of the corpse and looked. The impression of the young man passed away, and she saw him as in truth he was, stout, red-faced, with the venules of his cheeks standing out distinctly in a purple network; the sides of his face were prominent as of late years they had become; and he had little side whiskers. His skin was lined already and rough, the hair over the front of his head was scanty, and the scalp was visible, shiny and white. The hands which once had delighted her by their strength, so that she compared them with the porphyry hands of an unfinished statue, now were repellent in their coarseness. For a long time their touch had a little disgusted her. This was the image Bertha wished to impress upon her mind. It was a stranger lying dead before her, a man to whom she was indifferent.
Bertha stood in front of the body and stared. The impression of the young man faded away, and she saw him as he truly was: hefty, red-faced, with the veins on his cheeks visible in a purple pattern; the sides of his face were prominent as they had become in recent years, and he had small sideburns. His skin was already wrinkled and rough, the hair on the front of his head was thinning, and his scalp was exposed, shiny and white. The hands that once amazed her with their strength, which she compared to the porphyry hands of an unfinished statue, now looked disgusting in their coarseness. For a long time, their touch had slightly repulsed her. This was the image Bertha wanted to keep in her mind. It was a stranger lying dead before her, a man she felt indifferent towards.
At last turning away, she went out and returned to her own room.
At last, she turned away, went out, and went back to her own room.
Three days later was the funeral. All the morning wreaths and crosses of beautiful flowers had poured in, and now there was a crowd in the drive in front of Court Leys. The Blackstable Freemasons (Lodge No. 31,899), of which Edward at his death was Worshipful Master, had signified their intention of attending, and lined the road, two and two, in white gloves and aprons. There were likewise representatives of the Tercanbury Lodge (4169), of the Provincial Grand Lodge, the Mark Masons, and the Knights Templars. The Blackstable Unionist Association sent one hundred Conservatives, who walked two and two after the Freemasons. There were a few words as to precedence between Brother G. W. Hancock (P.W.M.), who led the Blackstable Lodge (31,899), and Mr. Atthill Bacot, who marched at the head of the politicians; but it was finally settled in favour of the Lodge, as the older established body. Then came the members of the Local District Council, of which Edward had been chairman, and after these the carriages of the gentry. Mrs. Mayston Ryle sent a landau and pair, but Mrs. Branderton, the Molsons, and the rest, only sent broughams. It needed a prodigious amount of generalship to marshal these forces, and Arthur Branderton lost his temper because the Conservatives would start before they were wanted to.
Three days later was the funeral. All the morning wreaths and crosses of beautiful flowers had arrived, and now there was a crowd in the driveway in front of Court Leys. The Blackstable Freemasons (Lodge No. 31,899), of which Edward was the Worshipful Master at the time of his death, had indicated their intention to attend, and lined the road two by two, wearing white gloves and aprons. There were also representatives from the Tercanbury Lodge (4169), the Provincial Grand Lodge, the Mark Masons, and the Knights Templars. The Blackstable Unionist Association sent one hundred Conservatives, who walked two by two behind the Freemasons. There were a few words about precedence between Brother G. W. Hancock (P.W.M.), who led the Blackstable Lodge (31,899), and Mr. Atthill Bacot, who marched at the front of the politicians; but it was ultimately decided in favor of the Lodge, being the older established group. Next came the members of the Local District Council, of which Edward had been chairman, followed by the carriages of the local gentry. Mrs. Mayston Ryle sent a landau and a pair, while Mrs. Branderton, the Molsons, and the others only sent broughams. It took a huge amount of coordination to organize these groups, and Arthur Branderton lost his temper because the Conservatives would start before they were ready.
The last carriage disappeared, and Bertha, alone at length, lay down by the window on the sofa. She was devoutly grateful to the old convention which prevented the widow’s attendance at the funeral.
The last carriage disappeared, and Bertha, finally alone, lay down by the window on the sofa. She was truly thankful for the old tradition that kept widows from attending the funeral.
She looked with tired and listless eyes at the long avenue of elm-trees, bare of leaf. The sky was gray and the clouds heavy and low. Bertha now was a pale woman of thirty, still beautiful, with curling, abundant hair; but her dark eyes had under them still darker lines, and their fire was half gone. Between her brows was a little vertical line, and her lips had lost the joyousness of youth, the corners of her mouth turned down with a melancholy expression. The face was thin and extremely pale; but what chiefly struck one was that she seemed so utterly weary. Her features remained singularly immobile, and there was in her eyes an apathy that was very painful. Her eyes said that she had loved and found love wanting, that she had been a mother and that her child had died, and that now she desired nothing very strongly but to be left in peace.
She looked with tired, listless eyes at the long avenue of leafless elm trees. The sky was gray, and the clouds were heavy and low. Bertha was now a pale thirty-year-old, still beautiful, with curly, abundant hair; but her dark eyes had deep lines beneath them, and their spark was nearly gone. A small vertical line ran between her brows, and her lips had lost their youthful joy, the corners turned down with a sad expression. Her face was thin and extremely pale; but what stood out most was her overwhelming sense of weariness. Her features remained strikingly still, and there was a painful apathy in her eyes. They seemed to say that she had loved and found love lacking, that she had been a mother and lost her child, and that now she only wanted to be left in peace.
Bertha was indeed tired out, in body and mind, tired of love and hate, tired with friendship and knowledge, tired with the passing years. Her thought wandered to the future and she decided to leave Blackstable, and let Court Leys, so that in no moment of weakness might she be tempted to return. And first she intended to travel, wishing to live in places where she was unknown, so as more easily to forget the past. Bertha’s memory brought back Italy, the land of those who suffer in unfulfilled desire, the lotus land. She would go there and she would go farther, ever towards the sun; for now she had no ties on earth, and at last, at last she was free.
Bertha was truly exhausted, both physically and mentally, tired of love and hate, tired of friendship and knowledge, and tired of the years that kept passing by. Her thoughts drifted to the future, and she decided to leave Blackstable and let go of Court Leys, so that in moments of weakness, she wouldn't be tempted to go back. First, she planned to travel, wanting to live in places where nobody knew her, making it easier to forget her past. Bertha remembered Italy, the land of those who suffer from unfulfilled desire, the land of dreams. She would go there and beyond, always moving towards the sun; for now, she had no ties on earth, and finally, finally, she was free.
The melancholy day closed in the great clouds hanging overhead darkened with approaching night. Bertha remembered how ready in her girlhood she had been to pour herself out to the world. Feeling intense fellowship with all human beings, she wished to throw herself into their arms, thinking that they would be outstretched to receive her. Her life seemed to overflow into the lives of others, becoming one with theirs as the water of rivers becomes one with the sea. But very soon the power she had felt of doing all this departed; she recognised a barrier between herself and human kind, and felt that they were strangers. Hardly understanding the impossibility of what she desired, she placed all her love, all her faculty of expansion, on one person, on Edward, making a final effort, as it were, to break the barrier of consciousness and unite her soul with his. She drew him towards her with all her might, Edward the man, seeking to know him in the depths of his heart, yearning to lose herself in him. But at last she saw that what she had striven for was unattainable. I myself stand on one side and the rest of the world on the other. There is an abyss between, that no power can cross, a strange barrier more insuperable than a mountain of fire. Not even the most devoted lovers know the essentials of one another’s selves. However ardent their passion, however intimate their union, they are always strangers; scarcely more to one another than chance acquaintance.
The gloomy day ended as the heavy clouds above darkened with the coming night. Bertha remembered how eager she had been in her youth to open herself up to the world. Feeling a strong connection with all people, she wanted to throw herself into their arms, believing they would be there to embrace her. Her life felt like it melded into the lives of others, merging like the waters of rivers with the sea. But soon, the ability to do this faded away; she recognized a barrier between herself and humanity, feeling that they were strangers. Hardly grasping the impossibility of her wish, she directed all her love and longing toward one person, Edward, making a desperate attempt to break through the barrier of awareness and unite her soul with his. She pulled him towards her with all her strength, wanting to know him deeply, yearning to lose herself in him. But eventually, she realized that what she had sought was unreachable. I myself stand on one side and the rest of the world on the other. There is an abyss in between that no force can bridge, a strange barrier more impassable than a mountain of fire. Not even the most devoted lovers truly know the essence of each other's selves. No matter how intense their passion or how close their bond, they remain strangers; barely more to each other than casual acquaintances.
And when she discovered this, with many tears and after bitter heartache, Bertha retired into herself. But soon she found solace. In her silence she built a world of her own, and kept it from the eyes of every living soul, knowing that none could understand it. And then all ties were irksome, all earthly attachments unnecessary.
And when she found out about this, with many tears and after a lot of heartbreak, Bertha withdrew into herself. But soon she found comfort. In her silence, she created her own world and kept it hidden from everyone, knowing that no one would understand it. At that point, all connections felt burdensome, and all worldly attachments seemed pointless.
Confusedly thinking these things, Bertha’s thoughts reverted to Edward.
Confused by these thoughts, Bertha found herself thinking about Edward again.
“If I had been keeping a diary of my emotions, I should close it to-day, with the words, ‘My husband has broken his neck.’”
“If I had been keeping a journal of my feelings, I would close it today with the words, ‘My husband has broken his neck.’”
But she was pained at her own callousness.
But she felt hurt by her own insensitivity.
“Poor fellow,” she murmured. “He was honest and kind and forbearing. He did all he could, and tried always to act like a gentleman. He was very useful in the world, and, in his own way, he was fond of me. His only fault was that I loved him—and ceased to love him.”
“Poor guy,” she whispered. “He was honest, kind, and patient. He did everything he could and always tried to behave like a gentleman. He was really helpful in the world, and in his own way, he cared about me. His only flaw was that I loved him—and then stopped loving him.”
By her side lay the book she had read while waiting for Edward when he was hunting. Bertha had put it on the table open, face-downwards, when she rose from the sofa to receive the expected visitor; and it had remained as she left it. She was tired of thinking; and taking it now, began to read quietly.
By her side was the book she had read while waiting for Edward during his hunting trip. Bertha had placed it on the table, open and face-down, when she got up from the sofa to greet the expected visitor, and it had stayed that way since she left. She was tired of thinking, so she picked it up and started reading quietly.
THE END
THE END
Typographical errors corrected by the etext transcriber: |
---|
ampel time=> ample time {pg 23} |
a bunch a dahlias=> a bunch of dahlias {pg 26} |
scroundrel=> scoundrel {pg 31} |
Itatly for six weeks=> Italy for six weeks {pg 71} |
his infinitesmal salary=> his infinitesimal salary {pg 77} |
speak to the Craddocks aftewards=> speak to the Craddocks afterwards {pg 79} |
you want to go, Eddie, I’ll come to=> you want to go, Eddie, I’ll come too {pg 81} |
so that is became a thing of pride=> so that it became a thing of pride {pg 102} |
failed to understatnd= failed to understand>{pg 111} |
squandered their substatnce=> squandered their substance {pg 112} |
how uncomfortably it makes you=> how uncomfortable it makes you {pg 134} |
and his closed eys.=> and his closed eyes. {pg 137} |
worse that a finger-ache=> worse than a finger-ache {pg 141} |
But she as too unhappy=> But she was too unhappy {pg 202} |
you mustn’s be alarmed=> you musn’t be alarmed {pg 153} |
an athiest=> an atheist {pg 160} |
on her bran-new bonnet=> on her brand-new bonnet {pg 161} |
The plains facts=> The plain facts {pg 204} |
passing tactiturity=> passing taciturnity {pg 208} |
Bertha was dumbfoundered=> Bertha was dumbfounded {pg 219} |
your Aunt Betty beseeches me too look=> your Aunt Betty beseeches me to look {pg 238} |
Gray warehauses=> Gray warehouses {pg 258} |
to tihnk=> to think {pg 264} |
aproached almost timidly=> approached almost timidly {pg 265} |
Yearning suddenly for soceity=> Yearning suddenly for society {pg 285} |
it nice to know=> it’s nice to know {pg 293} |
heard the impeteuous sobs=> heard the impetuous sobs {pg 306} |
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