Challenges
 
Riddles and Puzzles

Containing one thousand of the latest and best Conundrums, gathered from every possible source, and including many that are completely new and original

A love for guessing games and riddles has been around as long as humanity. The early Greeks really enjoyed these mental challenges, and they're present in the language of all civilized societies. One of the most interesting types of these puzzles is the conundrum, where the answer is usually a clever play on words, similar to a pun. Every language has its own unique version of this kind of humor, but English, because of its mixed origins, is especially rich in these kinds of wit and jokes.

The compiler of this small book has gathered a curated selection of riddles commonly enjoyed by those in refined and cultured society. They are organized into four main categories—General Riddles, Biblical Riddles, Poetic Riddles, and French Riddles. You will find some of the most clever and engaging forms of wit in each of these categories.

In addition to these puzzles, the book features a unique collection of math challenges. These were specially created for this work by a well-known mathematician who has included many of them in one of his own publications. They will be of great interest to those who enjoy numbers and their intriguing combinations and outcomes.

The collection as a whole will provide light entertainment for gatherings around the fireplace and among friends, contributing to the happiness of those who appreciate the more refined pleasures that come from engaging the mind with topics that demand quick thinking and sharp wit.

Why is life the greatest mystery of all? Because we all have to let it go.

When can we say that an army is completely defeated? When all its soldiers are settled in their barracks.

Which is faster, heat or cold? Heat, because you can catch a cold.

Why is a young woman like a letter? Because if she isn’t properly stamped, the mail (men) won’t accept her.

Why aren't guys imported into this country from England anymore? Because a Yankee dude will do (Yankee doodle doo).

What flowers can be found between the nose and chin? Tulips (two lips).

Why is a guy's hat like cursing? Because it's something to steer clear of.

How many wives can a man legally have according to the English prayer book? Sixteen: Four who are wealthier, four who are poorer, four who are better, and four who are worse.

10Why is a smart young woman like a spoon in a cup of tea? Because she is stimulating (in tea, stirring).

Why does a young man think his girlfriend is like a door knob? Because she is something to adore (a door).

Why is the emblem of the United States more lasting than that of France, England, Ireland, or Scotland?

Why is a kiss like a sermon? Because it takes two people and a message.

What shape is a kiss? It's elliptical.

Why is a kiss like gossip? Because it spreads from one person to another.

When two people kiss, what kind of riddle does it create? A rebus.

What is it that George Washington rarely saw, God never saw, and we see every day? Our equals.

What is better than God, worse than the devil, the dead live on, and the living would die if they lived on? Nothing.

11Prove logically that an oyster is better than heaven. Nothing is better than heaven; an oyster is better than nothing; therefore, an oyster is better than heaven.

What’s the difference between a honeymoon and a honeycomb? One is a big sale, the other is made up of tiny cells.

Why is a man who makes pens a bad guy? Because he makes people steal pens and then claims they do it the right way.

What’s the difference between a woman and an apple? One you have to get beside to squeeze, and the other you have to squeeze to get cider.

Who is the greatest chicken killer mentioned in Shakespeare? Macbeth, because he committed a really terrible murder.

Why is music cheaper on Sunday than during the week? Because during the week you get it by the individual song, and on Sunday you get it by the choir.

Which death would you rather have, Joan of Arc’s or Mary Stuart’s? Most people would pick Joan of Arc’s, because they prefer a hot steak over a cold chop.

What great writer's name would you mention if you were standing by Bob Ingersoll's grave? Robert Burns.

12What three great writers' names might come to mind if you were watching a house burn down? Dickens, Howett, Burns.

If you were invited out to dinner and when you sat down at the table saw nothing but a beet, what would you say? That's it, just a beet.

Give a definition of love. An inner feeling that can't be fully expressed and an outward abundance; or, the traditional definition of a scholar is, “Love is the essence, so to speak, of the intense fusion of intellect, emotion, and will.”

When is charity like a top? When it starts to spin.

Why is a guy sometimes like dough? Not because a woman needs (kneads) him, but because he’s tough to get off her hands.

Why does a minister always say "dearly beloved brethren" and not mention the sisters? Because the brethren include the sisters.

What part of a torn piece of clothing is like the Pope’s title? Its Holiness.

Why are a dead duck and a dead doctor similar? Because they have both stopped making noise.

When is the best time to read from the book of nature? When spring unfolds the leaves and autumn changes them.

13In what liquid does the Queen of England take her medicine? In cider (side her).

Why is a restless guy in bed like a lawyer? Because he lies on one side, then turns over and lies on the other.

Why are tailors such passionate lovers? Because they know how to press their suits.

When is a guy most useful at the dinner table? When he's a spoon.

What’s the difference between a rejected lover and an accepted one? One misses the kisses, and the other kisses the misses.

What’s the difference between a church deacon and a little ragamuffin? One hands out the sasser (saucer) and the other talks back to the one handing it out.

Why is a lover like a doorbell? Because he’s bound to adore (a door).

In what colored ink should we write our secrets? In violet (pure and unbroken).

Why is a young woman like an arrow? Because she can’t go off without a bow (beau) and is waiting in a quiver until she finds one.

If a young woman fell into a well, why couldn’t her brother help her out? Because, how could he be a brother and help her (his sister) at the same time?

14If all the women went to China, where would the men go? To Beijing.

Why does a Russian soldier wear brass buttons on his coat, while an Austrian soldier wears steel ones? To keep his coat buttoned.

What’s the difference between an old penny and a new dime? Nine cents.

How can you make a coat last the longest? Start by making the trousers and vest first.

What four-syllable word would a man say if he ate his wife and wanted to show he approved of it? Gladiator (glad I ate her).

Why does a cat look to one side and then the other when she enters a room? Because she can’t look in both directions at the same time.

Why is a widower like a young baby? Because he cries a lot for the first six months, observes everything during the second six months, and struggles to get through his second summer.

Why is Philadelphia more prone to earthquakes than any other city? Because it's a Quaker city.

Why is a police officer on his beat like an Irishman rolling down a hill? Because he’s patrolling (Pat rolling).

15If the alphabet were all invited to dinner, in what order would they arrive? They would all get there up to S, and the rest would show up after T.

What would hold all the snuff in the world? No one knows.

Why is a hound like a guy with a bald head? Because he can stretch a little bit of hair a long way.

What’s the first thing a guy puts in his garden? His foot.

Who were the first astronomers? The stars, because they have filled the sky since the beginning of time.

When can we say you're enjoying a piano? When you have a piano for tea.

When can we say that bread is alive? When it has a bit of yeast in it.

Why does a single guy who has a fake half dollar want to get married? To find a better half.

Why does a sculptor die such a terrible death? Because he creates faces and busts.

Why do we usually refer to a city as her or she? Because a city is full of activity and because she has suburbs.

16Why does a hairdresser have a sad death? Because he curls up and dies (dyes).

Why are laundresses such great flirts? Because they squeeze men's hearts.

If thirty-two degrees is freezing point, what is squeezing point? Two degrees in the shade.

Prove that the winds are blind. The wind is a gentle breeze, a gentle breeze is a tale, a tale is a story, a story is a narrative, a narrative is a connection, a connection is love, and love is blind; therefore, the winds are blind.

Why is a married man like a fire? Because he frustrates his wife by going out at night.

Why is a pig's brain larger than that of any other animal? Because it has a hog's head full.

Where was the first Adams Express Company located? In the Garden of Eden, when Eve was created.

What’s the difference between a young woman and a mouse? One attracts the guys, the other ruins the cheese.

Why are men like facts? Because they're stubborn things.

What’s the difference between a gardener and a Chinese person? One keeps the lawn wet, the other keeps the lawn dry (laundry).

17Why is a young woman's age after she turns twenty-five like a floral wedding bell? Because it's never revealed.

When is a door not a door? When it’s an exit (a Black woman).

Why is Patti like a jeweler? Because she deals in precious tones (precious stones).

When is a bee really annoying? When it's a fake.

A New Yorker asks: What popular book could the two cities, New York and Philadelphia, be compared to? The Quick or the Dead.

Why is a dog dressed warmer in summer than in winter? Because in winter he wears a fur coat, and in summer, he wears a coat and pants.

Why is it more dangerous to go outside in the spring than at any other time of year? Because in the spring the grass has blades, the flowers have pistils, the leaves are budding, and the bullrushes are growing.

What’s the difference between a hill and a pill? One is tough to climb, the other is tough to swallow.

Why is a lazy dog like a hill? Because he's a slow pup (slope up).

18A man and a goose once took a ride in a hot air balloon. The balloon popped, and they landed on a church steeple. How did the man get down? He plucked the goose.

Why is a guy riding up a hill like a guy taking a young dog to a woman? Because he is taking a gallop up (gal a pup).

Why is a dentist a sad and cruel person? Because he’s always looking down in the mouth and curses all his patients.

What’s the difference between a king’s son, a monkey’s mom, a bald head, and an orphan? A king’s son is the heir, a monkey’s mom is a furry parent, a bald head has no hair to show, and an orphan has no parent at all.

If William Penn's aunts ran a pastry shop, what would the current prices of their pies be? The pie rates of Penn's Aunts (Pirates of Penzance).

What famous person in English history would you mention if you wanted to ask your servant to add more wood to the fire in the fireplace? Philip the Great (fill up the grate).

A man had twenty-six (twenty sick) sheep and one died, how many were left? Nineteen.

19What’s the difference between an Irishman on a dreary mountaintop and a Scotsman? One is chilled by the cold, and the other is covered by the kilt.

If a pair of andirons costs five dollars, how much would the wood burned on them for one month cost? It would just turn to ashes.

What’s the difference between Niagara Falls and Queen Elizabeth? One is a natural wonder, and the other is a Tudor.

What does a soldier think a kiss is? A report at headquarters.

Why is it easy to break into an old man's house? Because his walk is unsteady and his locks are few.

What three-syllable word contains all twenty-six letters? Alphabet.

Where can you always find happiness? In the dictionary.

When will there be only twenty-five letters in the alphabet? When you and I are one.

Why is it impossible for a guy who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies? Because he calls every girl a "mith."

What was Joan of Arc made of? Maid of Orleans.

20Why are your eyes like friends separated by the ocean? Because they communicate but never meet.

Why is a woman who faints in a public place like a good intention? Because she needs to be taken out.

What’s the brightest idea in the world? Your eye, dear.

What animal falls from the sky? The rain, dear (reindeer).

I went out for a walk one day and met three beggars; I gave the first one ten cents, the second one also got ten cents, and the third received only five—what time was it? A quarter to three.

What is it that, when it loses an eye, is left with only a nose? Noise.

Why is a hen immortal? Because her son never goes down.

What is something that has a lot of holes but still holds water? A sponge.

What will catch the ear more sharply than a falsetto voice? A fake set of teeth.

What is something that is placed on the table and cut, but is never eaten? A deck of cards.

21What is the oldest table in the world? The multiplication table.

Which river is the coldest? The Isis (ice is).

Why are cats like bad surgeons? Because they meow until late and ruin patience (patients).

Why is it almost certain that Shakespeare was a broker? Because no other person has provided so many stock quotes.

How can you tell a stylish man from a worn-out dog? One is dressed in a full outfit, while the other just has a coat and pants on.

Why is a young guy trying to grow a mustache like a cow’s tail? Because it goes downward.

Why is a professional thief so comfortable? Because they usually take things easy.

When is a man required to keep his promise? When no one else will accept it.

Why is an attractive woman like a successful gambler? Because she has such a way of winning over people.

Why is the food you eat on an ocean liner like a tricky puzzle? Because you have to let it go.

Why are big men usually sad? Because they are men of sighs (size).

22Why are two young women kissing each other a symbol of Christianity? Because they are treating each other the way they would want to be treated by others.

What’s the difference between a woman and an umbrella? You can close an umbrella.

Why would it be fitting for a guy named Benjamin to marry a girl named Annie? Because he'd be Bennie-fitted and she'd be Annie-mated.

Why is this continent like milk? Because it's ours (it goes bad).

What color are the winds and waves in a fierce storm? The winds blew (blue), and the waves surged.

Why is a baker such a careless person? Because he keeps selling what he makes himself.

What do we often say we will do but no one has actually done? Take a moment.

How can you, just by changing how a word is pronounced, turn joy into a crime? By transforming human laughter into manslaughter.

Why is a room full of married people like an empty room? Because there isn’t a single person in it.

23Which one of the United States is the biggest and most popular? The state of marriage.

Which country has the highest marriage rate? Fascination.

When is a horse like a house? When it has blinds on.

Why is a groom often more expensive than a bride? Because the bride is given away, but the groom is often sold.

Why is being a pastor the easiest job of all? Because it’s easier to talk about faith than to live it out.

When does love become distorted? When it’s one-sided.

What’s the difference between a butcher and a flirt? One kills to prepare, and the other dresses to impress.

When was B the first letter in the alphabet? In the days of Noah.

How can I get rid of A from the alphabet? B-head it.

Why is A like a honeysuckle? Because a B follows it.

Why is modesty the most powerful trait of a watch? Because it always keeps its hands in front of its face and downplays its own achievements.

24Why is it correct for B to come before C? Because we need to do B before we can do C.

Why are two t’s like hops? Because they make beer taste better.

What kind of sense does a girl crave in an unpleasant suitor? Absence.

Why is it risky to have a clock at the top of a staircase? Because it sometimes stops working.

Who are the two biggest states in the United States? Miss Ouri and Mrs. Sippi (Missouri and Mississippi).

What key in music would make a good officer? A sharp major.

What is the key to good manners? Be natural.

Why is a silly person like G sharp? Because he's A flat.

What do women look for when they go to church? The Psalms and hymns.

Why are married men like steamboats? Because they sometimes explode.

What ship holds more people than the "Great Eastern"? Courtship.

25Why is a ship like a woman? Because she is often gentle with a man-of-war; often chasing after a small boat; often connected to a buoy; and frequently flirting with a pier.

Why do women make good postal workers? Because they know how to handle the mail (male).

Why is lip balm like a chaperone? Because it’s meant to keep the guys away.

If a pair of andirons costs $7.75, how much would a ton of coal be? Just ashes.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing buses.

Why is an umbrella like a pancake? Because it's rarely around after Lent.

On which day of the year do women talk the least? The shortest day.

What is it that every living person has seen but will never see again? Yesterday.

What’s the difference between dead soldiers and repaired clothes? The former are dead men, and the latter are mended (dead).

Why, when you paint someone's portrait, can you be said to be stepping into their shoes? Because you make their feet yours (features).

26Why might a beggar wear a really short coat? Because it'll be long enough before he gets another one.

Which is more valuable, a five-dollar bill or five gold dollars? The bill, because when you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out again, it seems to increase.

What’s the difference between the Prince of Wales and the water in a fountain? One is heir to the throne, the other is thrown into the air.

Why is a beautiful young woman like a wagon wheel? Because she's surrounded by guys.

When is it risky to go into a church? When there’s a cannon at the reading desk, a big gun in the pulpit, and a bishop is pushing the congregation.

What’s the difference between form and ceremony? You sit on one and stand on the other.

What’s the most awkward time for a train to leave? 12:50, since it’s ten minutes to one if you catch it.

Why can Black people be trusted with secrets? Because they are sure to keep them to themselves.

Why is a camel such a feisty animal? Because he's always on edge.

27Why are doctors bad characters? Because the more terrible people are, the more they spend time with them.

Why did Lady Wellesley do something very unladylike when she married the late Lord Ragland Somerset? Because she became a Somerset.

Why can the world be compared to music? Because it's so full of sharps and flats.

Why does a goose go into the water? For diving reasons.

Why does a goose come out of the water? For sun-drying reasons.

Why is a candy stick like a racehorse? Because the more you lick it, the faster it goes.

Why is a mischievous schoolboy like a postage stamp? Because you lick it with a stick and put it in the corner.

Why am I the luckiest of all the vowels? Because I am in the center of bliss, while E is in hell and all the others are in purgatory.

What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles, because there’s a mile between the first and last letter.

Why don’t chickens fear what happens after death? Because they live their next life (necks twisted) in this one.

28Why can’t a deaf person be legally convicted? Because it’s illegal to convict someone without a hearing.

Why is a man who hits his wife like a thoroughbred horse? Because he's a total brute.

What is something you can keep even after giving it to someone else? Your word.

Why are teeth like verbs? Because they can be regular, irregular, and defective.

Why is Queen Victoria like a hat? Because they both have crowns.

Why is a plum pudding like the ocean? Because it has a lot of currants in it.

Who can marry many women and still stay single their whole life? A clergyman.

Why is Athens like a worn-out shoe? Because it once had a Solon (sole on).

Why are washerwomen such great travelers? Because they’re always crossing the equator and going from one pole to the other.

What part of a fish is like the end of a book? The fin-ish.

What’s a common miracle in Ireland? Bringing the dead back to life.

29Why are bachelors bad at grammar? Because when asked to conjugate, they always back down.

When could you buy the British Empire for the lowest price? When Richard the Third offered his kingdom for a horse.

What is the biggest room in the world? The room for improvement.

Why is a streetcar like the heart of a flirt? Because there's always space for one more to be charmed.

When can a guy be said to have breakfast before he gets out of bed? When he has a roll while still in bed.

Why are glassware dealers different from all other dealers? Because they can’t afford to brag about their products.

What is it that a gentleman doesn't have, can never have, and yet can give to a lady? A husband.

Why is a man locked up like a boat full of water? Because he needs to be bailed out.

When does a ship tell a lie? When she’s docked at the wharf.

When is a theater manager like an astronomer? When he finds a new star.

30What’s the difference between a mom and a barber? The barber has razors for shaving, while the mom has tools for raising.

Why are pianos such noble characters? Because they are grand, upright, and square.

What are they that, even though always drunk, are never actually intoxicated? Toasts.

When is a bird's neck like a bell? When it’s rung for dinner.

Why is a crow the bravest bird in the world? Because it never shows fear.

Why is a vote in Congress like a bad cold? Because sometimes the yes votes have it, and sometimes the no votes.

Why are some girls like old muskets? Because they use a lot of gunpowder but won’t fire.

What kind of medicine does a man take for a nagging wife? He takes a potion (and he puts up with her).

Why is a dirty man like flannel? Because he avoids washing.

What’s the difference between a young girl of sixteen and an old woman of sixty? One is happy and carefree, while the other is cranky and bald.

31Why are skates like an apple? Because both have caused people to fall.

What is most like a hen stealing? A robin.

If Old Nick lost his tail, where would he go to get a new one? To a bar, because they sell bad spirits there.

Why is a young man engaged to a young woman like someone sailing to a port in France? Because he is bound to Havre (have her).

Why is the opening of a new dry-goods store like a house on fire? Because it gets everyone in the city buzzing.

Why would it be impossible to starve in the Sahara Desert? Because of the sand which is (sandwiches) there.

How did the sandwiches end up there? When Ham was sent there with his followers, who were bread and mustard.

If a tough steak could talk, which English poet would it mention? Chaucer (chew, sir).

Why can you never expect a fisherman to be generous? Because his job requires him to sell fish.

32When is a bonnet not a bonnet? When it turns into a beautiful woman.

Why are young women bad at grammar? Because so few can say no to marriage.

Why can a blind man always see his father? Because the father is always there (a parent).

What does Washington, D.C., represent? Washington, the father of his country.

Why was a defeated candidate after the recent election like the earth? Because he was flattened at the poles.

When was beef at its highest? When the cow jumped over the moon.

What illness does the oak suffer from the most? A corn (acorn).

Why does a horse eat in such a strange way? Because he eats best when he doesn't have anything in his mouth.

What is the only organ that has no limits? A woman's ability to speak.

Give an Irishman's definition of a lake: a hole in the tea kettle.

Why is man superior to woman? Because woman is just a minor concern.

33Why is a woman sick at sea similar to some of our writers? Because she contributes to the Atlantic.

Why is a nagging wife like a beautiful object? “Because she brings endless joy.”

What is the right length for a young woman to wear her dress? A little above two feet.

Why is a man who never bets just as bad as a gambler? Because he doesn't take any chances.

When is a cigar like jerky? When it's smoked.

What table has no legs to stand on? The multiplication table.

How do young women sometimes express their dislike for mustaches? By turning their faces away from them.

Why are there three reasons not to have a glass of brandy? Because there are three concerns about a shot.

Why is the root of the tongue like a sad person? Because it’s down in the mouth.

What is something we often return, but never borrow? Thanks.

What animals are often seen at funerals? Black cats.

34What’s the difference between a French pastry chef and a poster distributor? One puffs up dough, the other sticks up posters.

Why is it considered crude to sing and play alone? Because it’s seen as so low (solo).

Why is a dog chasing its tail like a good manager? Because he makes both ends meet.

Why is a watchdog bigger at night than during the day? Because at night, he's let outside, and during the day, he's brought inside.

Why did the Highlanders do most of the fighting at Waterloo? Because every man wore one kilt before the battle.

At what game do the waves of the sea play? At pitch and toss.

Why are chickens the most economical animals a farmer can raise? Because for every grain they eat, they give a peck.

What’s the difference between a pitcher of water and a man throwing his wife off a bridge? One is water in the pitcher, the other is pitch her in the water.

When is a young woman not a young woman? When she’s a sweet tart (sweetheart).

What candy did they have in the ark? Preserved pears.

35Why should architects be great actors? Because they excel at designing homes.

What weapon does a young man use if he accidentally kisses a young lady? A blunderbuss.

What’s the difference between an auction and seasickness? One is a sale of items, the other is the result of being on a boat.

What should a clergyman talk about? For about half an hour.

Why is an orange like a church steeple? Because we have a peel from it.

What kind of cat do you usually find in a big library? A cat-alogue.

What sea would a guy want to be in on a rainy day? Adriatic (a dry attic).

Why was the French Empress always in bad company? Because she was always surrounded by Parisians.

When was Napoleon I dressed the worst? When he was out at Elba.

When was wit a father? When a pun became clear (a parent).

What grows less tired the more it works? A carriage wheel.

36Why is the Louvre the cheapest palace ever built? Because it was partly constructed for one ruler and finished for another.

What’s the difference between a cradle and the grave? One is for the firstborn, the other for the final departure.

How is an elephant’s head different from every other head? Because if you cut its head off from its body, you don’t take it from the trunk.

Why does a stingy German like mutton better than venison? Because he likes "what is sheep more than what is deer."

Which is the most amazing animal on the farm? A pig, because he is slaughtered and then processed.

Why is a poor riddle like a monkey? Because it's absurd and totally nonsensical.

If a tree broke a window, what would the window say? Tree-mendous.

What trees are unaffected by fire? Ashes, because when burned, they’re still just ashes.

What did Jack Frost say when he kissed the violet? Will you, and it wilted.

When is a big river good to look at? When it’s eye (high) water.

37What’s the difference between a cloud and a spoiled kid? One brings the rain, the other screams in frustration.

What musical instrument invites you to fish? Cast-a-net.

What river runs between two seas? The Thames, which flows between Chelsea and Battersea.

What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One sets up his line, the other doesn't want to read his book.

What do you break just by saying its name? Silence.

When does a man have four hands? When he doubles his fists.

What’s the hardest river to take a boat on? Arno, because they have Arno boats there.

What is the smallest bridge in the world? The bridge of your nose.

What’s the difference between a spendthrift and a pillow? One is broke, the other is soft and fluffy.

What’s the difference between a hen and a lazy musician? One lays eggs for fun, while the other plays music for relaxation.

38Why are deaf people like Indian shawls? Because you can’t hear them here.

Why are bookkeepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living.

What kind of wind would a hungry sailor want? One that shifts and stirs.

What part of your shoe often pains and bothers you but doesn’t say a thing? The tongue of your shoe.

Why is scraping out a turnip so loud? Because it makes it empty.

What is it that you can take away from the whole and still have some left? The word wholesome.

When is a newspaper at its sharpest? When it's fresh off the press.

Why is English grammar like gout? Because it’s torture.

Give a good definition of a button. A small thing that always seems to come loose.

What is the greatest achievement when it comes to eating, ever known? It's the one about a man who started by locking a door, then opened a window, and afterward sat down and swallowed an entire story.

39What’s the difference between a choir master and a woman’s dress? One trains a choir, while the other gets a train.

Why does a great gymnast have such amazing digestion? Because he lives on ropes and poles and thrives.

What is a unique and sad truth in Milton's history? That he could recite his poems but couldn't see himself again.

Why is Canada like dating? Because it shares a border with the United States.

What’s the difference between a farmer and a seamstress? One collects what he plants, and the other stitches together what she collects.

What’s the difference between a cow and an old chair? One gives milk, the other gives way (whey).

Why is a washerwoman like Saturday? Because she collects the week's dirty laundry.

Why is an actress like an angel? Because we rarely see one that's not made up.

At what time on the clock is a pun most effective? When it strikes one.

What is something that never asks questions, but needs so many answers? The doorbell.

40What kind of book do some men want their wives to be like? An almanac, so they could get a new one every year.

Why does the conductor punch a hole in your train ticket? To let you through.

Why is an old coat like metal? Because it's a piece of machinery (wear).

Why is a list of famous musical composers like a saucepan? Because it's incomplete without a Handel.

In what key should a guy propose to his sweetheart? Be mine, ah (B minor).

When a church is on fire, what's the one thing that definitely can't be saved? The organ, because the machine can't make music with it.

Why is the Fourth of July like an oyster? Because we can't enjoy it without crackers.

When is a newspaper like a sensitive child? When it comes out every week.

If all the oceans dried up, what would old Neptune say? I really don’t have a clue (a notion).

Why is the letter A like noon? Because it’s in the middle of the word day.

41Why is a false friend like the letter P? Because, even though he's always the first to show sympathy, he's always the last to offer support.

What happens twice in a moment and not at all in a thousand years? The letter M.

Why are butchers thieves? Because they grab a knife and run off with it.

Why should a man suffering from gout make his will? Because he'll then have his leg at ease (legatees).

Why is a mirror like a really ungrateful friend? Because, even if you deck it out in silver, it will only reflect back on you.

What’s the difference between some women and their mirrors? The former talk without thinking, while the latter just reflect without speaking.

Which is the hardest of all soaps? Cast steel (Castile).

On what belief could pocket handkerchiefs construct a house? If they turned into bricks (be cambric).

Why is a true and loyal friend like garden seeds? Because you never realize the value of either until they’re buried in the ground.

42When does a guy always have brown hands? When he's driving a tan.

What is seen twice in “every day” and four times in “every week,” but only once in a year? The vowel e.

Which are the only two words in the English language where the five vowels appear in order? Facetious and abstemious.

What eight-letter word has five letters that are the same? Oroonoko.

What words can be said faster and with fewer letters by adding another syllable to them? Quick and short.

What five-letter word can you take the first two letters from and still have one left? Stone.

Which word in the English language has the most letters? Disproportionableness.

What is a child's relationship to its father if they are not the father's son? A daughter.

What’s the difference between the Milky Way and a room full of great-grandfathers? One is a bunch of pale stars, the other a bunch of stale dads.

43What did a blind man have for breakfast that restored his sight? He had a cup and saw, sir (saucer).

Why are pipes all nonsense? Because the best of them are just illusions.

Why is a meerschaum pipe similar to a watercolor artist? Because it captures and adds color beautifully.

If you saw a guy riding a donkey, what fruit would come to mind? A pair.

What does a cat have that no other animal has? Kittens.

What are the features of a canon? Cannon-mouth, cannonize, and cannoners.

Show that 2 times 10 is equal to 2 times 11. 2 times 10 is 20, and 2 times 11 is 22 (20, too).

What six-letter word contains six words besides itself, without rearranging any letters? Here they are—he, her, here, ere, rein, in.

When is a teapot like a kitten? When you’re teasing it (tea’s in it).

Why is a portrait like a member of Congress? Because it represents something.

Why is a madman like two people? Because he is a person beside himself.

44Who was the first person to whistle, and what tune did they use? The wind—“Over the Hills and Far Away.”

Why is an unbound book like a person in bed? Because it has sheets.

Why is a pulled tooth like something that's forgotten? Because it’s out of the mind.

What’s the difference between a glass of water and a glass of whiskey? Ten cents.

Why is paper like a beggar? Because it's made from scraps.

Why is a good cabbage the friendliest of vegetables? Because it’s all heart.

Why is a drunk guy like a noun adjective? Because he rarely stands on his own.

Why is a clergyman's horse like a king? Because it's led by a minister.

Why is a guy in an attic committing murder like a good person? Because he rises above doing something wrong.

Why was the Parliament of the Commonwealth similar to Samson? Because it brought down a house of lords.

Why is a greedy person like someone with a short memory? They are always forgetting.

45What is something that lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root pointing up? An icicle.

Why is a blacksmith's apron like a convent? Because it protects against the sparks.

Why is a lady like a pocketbook when you hold her? Because she is clasped.

Why is a candle wick like Athens? Because it's in Greece (grease).

Why is a fender like Westminster Abbey? Because it holds the ashes of the grate (great).

Why is a beautiful woman like bread? Because she often gets toasted.

What is something that a coach can't do without, yet is totally useless to it? Noise.

What does a stone turn into when it's in the water? A whetstone (wet stone).

When is a really angry man like a clock at fifty-nine minutes past twelve? When he’s about to strike one.

If you had to swallow a man, what kind would you choose? A small Dublin porter.

46What question do you always have to answer “yes” to? What does y-e-s mean?

What four letters of the alphabet would scare a thief? O I C U (oh! I see you).

Why does a judge have to be so cold and distant? Because he is all about fairness.

What’s the difference between a new five-cent coin and an old-school quarter? Twenty cents.

Why does a guy go into law, stay in law, and leave law? He goes into law to move up, he stays in law to keep moving up, and he leaves law to find something better.

What’s the cheapest way to buy a fiddle? Buy some cheap medicine and get a small bottle.

Speak just two letters and you can name the fate of everything on Earth? D. K.

Why wasn’t Robinson Crusoe alone on the deserted island? Because there were big waves on the beach and a sandy cove along the shore.

Why is a buckwheat cake like a caterpillar? Because it turns into a butterfly.

What is something that has no flesh or bone, yet has four fingers and a thumb? A glove.

47Barnum drove a team of ten horses through New York City, and they only had twenty-four feet between them; how was that possible? They had twenty front feet.

What does the sun do in the month of May? Mason (May sun).

Of what profession are all the Presidents of the United States? Cabinet-makers.

Of what job does a minister have at a wedding? A carpenter.

Of what job is a theater manager? A stage manager.

What’s missing is someone whose company no one ever wants: Misfortune.

What about those whose days are always unlucky? Bad luck and misfortune.

What girl is always making mistakes? Mistake.

What failures stem from a very jealous nature? Mistrust and jealousy.

When is it not a tragedy for a young woman to lose her reputation? When a young man gives her a better one.

When does a dentist do the most work? When he extracts several acres (achers).

48Why is an umbrella a paradox? Because it’s most useful when it’s worn out.

What happens when light hits the water at a forty-five-degree angle? It goes out.

What major surgical procedure does making maple sugar remind you of? Tree tapping.

In what ways do women ruin their husbands? In various ways.

Why does the shoemaker have such incredible endurance? Because he perseveres to the end.

What part of the face looks like a teacher? The eyelid, because it always has a pupil under the lash.

Why is it that you and I can never eat together? Because U can never come until after I.

What profession is a postman? He is a person of letters.

At what point in life can we say a man belongs to the vegetable kingdom? When years of experience have made him wise.

Which letter is the most fun in the alphabet? U, because it’s always having a good time.

49Who are the lightest people, Scots, Irish, or English? English. In Scotland, there are guys from Ayr; in Ireland, there are guys from Cork, but in England, there are lighter men.

When is a boat like a pile of snow? When it's floating around aimlessly.

What bus has found room for the most people? Columbus.

Which is heavier, a half moon or a full moon? The half moon, because the full moon is twice as light.

What tree is the most important in history? The date.

When is a man like frozen rain? When he is hail.

When is a woman's arm not a woman's arm? When it is a little bare (bear).

Why is a short Black guy like a White guy? Because he’s not a tall Black guy.

Why is a really dissatisfied man easily satisfied? Because nothing makes him happy.

Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? Because they should be dug up.

Why is the North Pole like an illegal whiskey distillery? Because it's a hidden still.

50Why are bells the most obedient of non-living things? Because they ring out whenever they’re instructed to.

Why is it unfair to blame drivers for ripping us off? Because we hire them to take us where we need to go.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its paws, a comma has its pause at the end of a clause.

Why are the makers of the Armstrong guns the biggest thieves in Her Majesty's service? Because they strip all the guns, fake the materials, and manufacture all the gun breeches.

How can bookkeeping be taught in a lesson of three words? Never lend them.

Why is a blush unusual? Because a woman who blushes is acknowledged for her appearance.

Why are Whigs and wigs similar? Because they both claim loyalty to the crown.

What trade is like the sun? A tanner’s.

What’s a really dry topic? A mummy.

What’s a counter-irritant? A stylish woman shopping.

Why are pigs like trees? Because they root around for a living.

51Why is the moon like a wedding contract? Because it controls the tide.

Why do girls kiss each other while men don’t? Because girls don’t have anything better to kiss, but men do.

What did the muffin say to the toasting fork? You're too sharp.

What composer is most recognized in modern times? Chloroform.

What’s better than giving credit where it’s due? Just give the money.

Which musical instrument is the most moral? An upright piano.

What’s the difference between a dog’s tail and a rich guy? One wags, and the other has a fancy ride.

How did Henry the Eighth differ as a suitor from other men? He married his wives and then had them executed.

Why does a guy's hair usually go gray earlier than his mustache? Because it's about twenty-one years older.

When did George Washington first ride in a carriage? When he took a cab at the cherry tree.

52What is the political nature of a water-wheel? Revolutionary.

Why is a solar eclipse like a mother hitting her son? Because it's a hiding of the sun.

How can a person make their money stretch further? By supporting foreign missions.

Why is someone reading these puzzles like a man facing a military execution? Because he's almost certain to be shot to bits.

Where can you always find pleasure and happiness? In the dictionary.

During the month of heavy rain, how has the umbrella been constantly pretending to be useful? It’s been a case of “either use it or forget it” the whole time.

When does a man put pressure on himself? When he pushes his memory.

Why is a young man visiting his girlfriend like the rise of a successful newspaper? His visits started out weekly, then went to three times a week, and eventually became daily, with a Sunday edition.

53When is money damp? When it’s expected in the morning and not received by night.

What killed Julius Caesar? Roman punches.

How does the postage stamp have the upper hand over the little boy? It can only be licked once.

Why were the brokers during the panic of 1873 like Pharaoh’s daughter? They rescued a small prophet from the reeds by the riverbanks.

Why is an alligator the most deceptive of animals? Because it lures you in with a friendly appearance.

Why are chemists and alchemists both female? Because one is an analyzer (Ann Eliza), while the other is a fraud (Charlotte Ann).

How do we know that Noah had a pig in the Ark? Because he had Ham.

My first is used in driving, my second is needy, my third is a nickname, and my whole is a bird. Whip-poor-will.

Why is sympathy like blind man’s buff? Because it’s a shared feeling for another human being.

54Why does the air feel fresher in winter than in summer? Because it’s kept cold most of the time.

Why are fish so smart? They have a knack for hanging out in schools.

What’s the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence.

Why is the letter S like thunder? It turns our cream into sour cream.

Which is the easier way to commit suicide, taking laudanum or drowning? Either option is good.

Why is Buckingham Palace the least expensive piece of property in England? Because it was bought for a crown and maintained by a monarch.

What’s the difference between a light in a cave and a dance in a bar? One is a candle in a cavern, the other a party in a tavern.

Why are records so fragile? Because they can't be dropped without shattering.

What’s the difference between forms and ceremonies? You sit on one and stand on the other.

Why is a door in the conditional mood? It’s would (wood) or should be.

55What’s the difference between a man going up the stairs and one looking up? One is climbing the stairs, while the other is just gazing at the steps.

Why are birds sad in the morning? Because their little beaks have a lot of bills to pay.

What’s so special about a yardstick? Even though it doesn’t have a top or bottom, it has a foot at each end and one in the middle.

If a guy shot at two frogs and killed one, what would the other one do? Croak.

What makes the waves so wild? It's the wind pushing them up.

Why are apples like printer's types? Because they're often in pie.

My first indicates equality, my second implies inferiority, and my entire phrase signifies superiority. Unmatched.

Why are tired people like a wagon wheel? Because they're always worn out.

Why is a tin can tied to a dog’s tail like death? Because it’s attached to a mutt (shut up).

Why is a widow like a gardener? Because she tries to remove her weeds.

Why are young women bad at grammar? Because so few of them can say no to marriage.

56Why are potatoes and corn like certain sinners from the past? Because they have eyes but do not see, and they have ears but do not hear.

Why are blind people compassionate? Because they empathize with others.

Why are cowardly soldiers like tallow candles? Because when they face the heat, they melt.

Why is Satan always such a gentleman? Because, as the imp of darkness, he can never be an imp of light.

How much dirt is in a hole that’s 3¼ × 6½ ft.? None.

Why is a pretty girl like a train? Because she creates sparks, carries important messages, and has a crowd following her.

What is the cheapest feature of the face? Nostrils, two for a scent (cent).

Why are big guys likely to feel down? Because they’re hefty men (sighs).

When does the rain become too familiar for a woman? When it starts to pat her on the back.

What’s the connection between a doormat and a doorstep? One step further.

57Why is a baker like some really shady people? Because he’s a slacker and a fraud.

How many of your relatives live on your property? Ten-aunts (tenants).

What’s the difference between a dime from 1899 and a new dollar? Ninety cents.

Why is a beehive like an audience member? Because it is a beeholder.

What are the most unsociable things in the world? Milestones, because you never see two of them together.

When does a regiment carry out an operation? When it has lost its weapons.

What’s the biggest eyesore in a farmyard? A pigsty.

What’s the difference between how a barber and a sculptor die? One curls up and dies, while the other makes faces and busts.

Why might carpenters reasonably think that stone doesn’t exist? Because they’ve never seen it.

What is majesty without its outward appearances? (M) a joke (Y).

58Why is a good speller in a spelling bee like a glass of champagne? Because they both go to your head.

When does a woman think her husband is a Hercules? When he's really into his club.

Why can't a fisherman reveal his total profits? Because they're always net.

What will make pies curious? S will turn them into spies.

Why does an empty wallet represent dedication? Because there's nothing in it that changes.

When can "donkey" be spelled with one letter? When it’s “U.”

Why is a tennis player like a young person from a low-income background? They both have to let opportunities pass them by when things get too challenging.

Why is an Irishman trying to kiss a pretty girl like someone climbing Mt. Vesuvius? Because he’s trying to get to the mouth of the crater.

Why shouldn’t a housekeeper ever put the letter M in her refrigerator? Because it will turn ice into mice.

What’s the difference between Shakespeare and Queen Elizabeth? He was a genius, and she was a Tudor.

59Why is the letter R essential to friendship? Because without it, your friends would be enemies.

Which two letters are the most annoying if you get too many of them? K N (cayenne).

What’s the difference between a funny guy and a butcher? One delivers jokes, the other carves meat.

Why are roosters considered the smoothest birds? Because they always have a comb on their heads.

What insect does a blacksmith create? He creates the firefly.

When is a nose not a nose? When it’s a little radish (reddish).

When are soldiers most likely to get blisters? When they are called to service.

Why is love like a potato? Because it sprouts from the eyes and diminishes when shared.

Why are young men like telescopes? Because you can extend them out, look through them, and then close them up again.

Why are cats like clumsy surgeons? Because they meow too much and ruin patience.

60What's the difference between a woman and a parasol? You can close a parasol.

Why is Sunday the most powerful day of the week? Because the others are just weekdays.

Why is a needle one of the most enduring forces? It always has an eye ready for action and consistently has its point sharp.

When is coffee like dirt? When it's ground.

Why are soldiers' guns always safe? Because each one has a lock.

When is a man not a man? When he’s shaving.

Why is a guy who loves his cigars like a candle? Because he will light up even when he's leaving.

When is a teacher like a guy with one eye? When he has an opening for a student.

Why is it risky to nap on a train? Because the cars always run over those who are sleeping.

What weapon of war does an upset lover resemble? A crossbow.

My first is a vehicle, my second is a preposition, and my whole is part of a ship. Cab-in.

61What gets bigger the more you try to reduce it? Debt.

What tricks are most common among New York police officers? Patricks.

Why is Asia like a market during Thanksgiving or Christmas week? There’s always a turkey in it.

Why will a rude fishmonger get more business than a polite one? Because when he sells fish, he offers sauce with it.

Why does a fat guy compliment women when he’s being squeezed? Because the pressure makes him flatter.

Why is an old man like a window? He is full of pains (panes).

What’s the difference between photography and whooping cough? One creates copies, the other makes families sick.

What is smaller than a mite's mouth? What goes into a mite's mouth.

What is something that is a cat and not a cat, yet still is a cat? A kitten.

Why was the dumb waiter sent back? Because it didn’t respond.

62Born at the same time as the world, destined to live as long as the world, and yet never five weeks old. The moon.

Why are clouds like drivers? Because they hold the rains (reins).

My first is a game, my second is what we use our eyes for, my whole is a state in America. Tennessee.

Why should our favorite hen be called Macduff? Because we want her to keep laying.

Why is the letter G like the sun? Because it’s the center of light.

Why are pretty girls like fireworks? Because they fizzle out quickly.

Why is coal the most contradictory product in commerce? Because when it's bought, instead of going to the buyer, it goes to the cellar.

Why would it be difficult for ministers to preach without notes? Because their families would struggle without the money.

In what kind of syllables should a parrot be taught to speak? In silly polly-bills.

My first is a pronoun, my second is used at weddings, and my whole is an inhabitant of the deep. Her ring.

63What's the difference between a beehive and a bad potato? Nothing. One is a bee-holder; a bee-holder is a blemished potato, and a blemished potato is a bad potato.

What can be considered a selfless act of hospitality? Holding onto hope.

Why is a schoolboy being whipped, like your eye? Because he’s a student being punished.

When can you say an ocean liner is foolishly in love? When it's tied to a boy (buoy).

My first part is formal, my second is a flower, and my entire answer is a flower. Primrose.

Why is a woman’s beauty like a bank note? Because once it's used, it quickly fades away.

What’s the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a hollow cylinder and the other is just a silly Dutch guy.

What fruit is the most visionary? The apple of the eye.

What’s something that travels from Boston to Providence without actually moving? The railroad.

What notes make up the most popular songs, and how many songs do they create? Bank notes, they make four fortunes.

64Why are women's eyes like people who are far apart? Because, even though they can connect, they never truly meet.

Why doesn't Sweden have to import cattle? Because she maintains her Stock-holm.

Without my first, my second could never have existed, and my whole is as old as creation. Sunday.

When is a gun like a fired employee? When it is fired and goes off.

What is everyone doing all at once? Getting older.

What should you do if you laugh so hard you can't breathe? Keep running until I get a side ache.

What’s the difference between a young girl and an old hat? It’s just a matter of time—one has emotion and the other has experienced it.

What herb is the most harmful to a woman's beauty? Thyme.

Why is an aristocratic school for young women like a flower garden? Because it’s a place of pretentious culture (horticulture).

What’s the difference between a clock and a partnership? When you wind up a clock, it keeps going; when a business is wound up, it shuts down.

65How do you know when night is near? When the tea is taken away.

Why are some women like facts? Because they are stubborn things.

If a dog loses its tail, where would it get a new one? At Wanamaker’s, where everything is sold.

Why is a person with their eyes closed like a faulty teacher? They keep their students in the dark.

Why is early grass like a pocketknife? Because the springs push up the blades.

Why is an old man's farm in Texas like the focus of sunglasses? It's a place where the sons raise meat (sun's rays meet).

Why isn’t a real estate guy a man of words? Because he’s a man of action.

Why is the isthmus of Suez like the first u in cucumber? Because it’s between two seas.

What did Ruth do to upset Boaz? She yanked his ears and stepped on his grain.

Why are some singers like cheese curds? Because they need to be pressed.

Why should meat be only half cooked? Because what's done cannot be changed.

66Why is a woman like the telegraph? Because she always knows what's happening before the mail does.

What article of clothing is the most affectionate? A porous plaster, because it really sticks to us.

Why is a pawnbroker like a drunk? Because he makes a promise but can't always stick to it.

Who does the Bible say can engage in a flirtation? It says widow's mite (might).

Why are decent hotels like the paradise of the gods? Because no negative spirits are allowed to enter them.

Why is grass like a mouse? Because the cat will eat it (cattle eat it).

Why are convicts, like old maids, getting married? Because they get carried away.

How can we tell the fair queen of day has a lover? She is always accompanied by a night (knight).

Why are the Irish poor like a carpet? Because they are held down by tax (tacks).

Why is the world like a blank slate? Because people keep multiplying on it.

67Why is a defeated army like wool? Because it’s all worn out.

What is the center of gravity? The letter V.

What three letters turn a girl into a woman? A-g-e.

Although it's said that great wealth can make someone emotionally cold, what is every millionaire guaranteed to be? A decent person.

What is yours but gets used by your friends more than by you? Your name.

When is a soldier like a heavy drinker? When he retreats.

Why is a police officer like a rainbow? Because they rarely show up until the storm is over.

What’s the difference between a milkmaid and a swallow? The milkmaid takes the cream off the milk, while the swallow skims across the water.

Why is a man’s face shaved in January like a famous fur coat? Because it’s a chin-chilly.

What is something that was born without a soul, lived and gained a soul, but died without a soul? The whale that swallowed Jonah.

What’s the difference between a Roman Catholic priest and a Baptist? One uses wax candles— the other baptizes by immersion.

68When is a doctor most annoyed? When he has no patients.

Why is having a struggling acquaintance better than a wealthy one? A friend who's there when you need them is a true friend.

What’s so special about a bee? Well, usually it doesn’t say much, but it often gets its message across.

Why is the first chicken of a brood like the mainmast of a ship? Because it’s a bit ahead of the main hatch.

How many people can a deaf and mute person tickle? He can gesticulate eight.

What’s the simplest way to keep water out of the house? Stop paying your water bill.

What’s so weird about flowers? They bloom before they have pistils.

What’s the best look for a soldier? A uniform.

What is the best uniform for a soldier? The right outfit.

When does a dog get bigger and smaller? When it's let out at night and brought in in the morning.

What’s the best prescription for a poet? A creative blend.

69Why doesn’t a bay horse ever pay tolls? Because his owner pays them for him.

Why is the letter S like a witty comeback? Because it starts and finishes with sass.

What’s the best way to keep a man’s love? Don’t give it back.

When is a soldier also a wagon maker? When he builds a wheel.

Why is beef a good choice for Christmas dinner? It's perfect for celebration.

How did Admiral Dewey's naval rank change when he got married? He became Mrs. Dewey's second mate.

Why is a small dog's tail like the heart of a tree? Because it's furthest from the bark.

Why are actresses like pipes? They are just illusions.

What worker never turns to the left? A wheelwright.

Why doesn't a freight car need a locomotive? The freight moves the car.

When are weeds not weeds? When they become widows.

What could be better than staying calm during a train accident? Not being there at all.

70Why is a balloonist so enviable? Because he quickly climbs to great heights and has amazing opportunities ahead.

What letter in the alphabet is most helpful to a deaf old woman? The letter A, because it makes her hear.

What color is a patch of grass covered in snow? Invisible green.

How does water get into the watermelon? The seed is planted in the spring.

Why is a man in front of a crowd well supported? Because he has the media behind him.

What subject can be joked about? Gas.

If Dick's dad is John's son, what is Dick to John? His grandson.

When is a silver cup most likely to spill? When it’s chased.

When can a guy's pocket be empty and still have something in it? When there’s a hole in it.

Why is an engraver not afraid of drowning? Because he's used to dying while sinking.

Why are quinine and gentian like the Germans? Because they are two tonics (teutonics).

71Why should the proofreader at a printing company be seen as the most well-read person out there? Because there’s proof that he reads every hour of the day.

When is butter like Irish kids? When it’s shaped into little pats.

If all the money in the world were divided equally among everyone, what would each person get? An equal share.

What are the hardest ships to conquer? Hard-ships.

Why don’t foreign noblemen marry poor American girls as well as rich ones? A poor girl has no title, so she has no interest, and without either, she can’t have a count.

Why does a dressmaker never lose her hooks? Because she pays attention to every single one of them.

Why is a wedding ring like eternity? Because it has no beginning or end.

What did the blind guy say to the cop when he told him he would arrest him if he didn’t move along? I’d just like to see you.

What’s the difference between a drinker and a smoker? One is a party animal, and the other a cigarette lover.

72When Homer described the sea as barren, what did it say about the time he lived in? Because it was before Cecrops (sea crops).

What’s the difference between a cow and an old chair? One gives milk, and the other gives way (whey).

Why should Pope Leo XIII be such an unlucky guy? Because he’s always the thirteenth one at the table.

What’s the difference between a life of leisure and a life of doing nothing? They’re basically the same thing, just different names.

What one-syllable word, if you remove two letters from it, turns into a two-syllable word? Plague; ague.

A crown that was the pride of ancient Rome: no matter how it’s interpreted, it remains the same. Civic.

What lesson about life can the little boy learn from the fire engine? It has to work or it can't play.

Why is a young woman like a bundle of wheat? First, she is nurtured, then beaten, and finally, she becomes the family's flour.

Who is it that always has a bunch of schemes in motion to make money? A dance instructor.

73In what way is a piano lamp similar to a society-club guy? It has a lot of brass on it, needs a lot of care, isn’t particularly bright, can be wobbly, may burst if it’s only half full, occasionally flares up, is always turned off at bedtime, and is sure to smoke.

How can hunters locate their game in the woods? By paying attention to the sounds of the trees.

Why does a guy think of his mom's slippers when he’s holding the reins of a beautiful, perfectly matched pair of horses? Because they look so impressive.

What is something that sometimes has a head, sometimes doesn't, has a tail, and sometimes doesn't? A wig.

Why is a committee of inquiry like a cannon? It produces a report.

What could be more amazing than a horse that can count? A spelling bee.

Why are the tallest people the laziest? Because they spend more time in bed than everyone else.

Who was the most successful financier mentioned in the Bible? Noah, because he launched a limited company when everyone else was going bankrupt.

74What’s the difference between the Prince of Wales and the water in a fountain? One is heir to the throne, and the other is thrown into the air.

Why is a college student like a thermometer? Because they have graduated and are measured by degrees.

What bird is feeling down? The bluebird.

Why don’t they charge policemen for rides on the trolley cars? Because they can’t get a nickel out of a cop.

Why is a tournament like sleep? It is a nightly activity.

Why is a schoolmaster like the letter C? He turns girls into classes.

Why don't the Boers wash themselves? Because they're waiting to get a good spanking from the English.

Why is bread like the sun? Because it rises from the yeast.

When is a chair like a lady’s dress? When it's sat in.

When is a soldier like a watch? When he’s on guard.

When is a soldier like a king? When he shows up with his full display.

75What moves over the water and beneath it, yet never touches the surface? A woman walking across a bridge over a river with a bucket of water on her head.

Why is love like a canal boat? Because it's a way of moving inward.

When does a chair not like you? When it can't handle you.

Why is a duel settled quickly? Because it only takes two seconds to set it up.

What burns to keep a secret? Sealing wax.

Why is a nobleman like a book? Because he has a title.

What group of women is most likely to set the tone for society? The belles.

What has a mouth but never talks, and a bank but never rests in it? A river.

Why is a defeated army like wool? Because it’s worn out.

What’s the difference between the wreck of a bank and the wreck of a ship? One happens because of the presence of rocks, while the other is due to the lack of rocks.

76What is something we can all eat and often drink, even though it can sometimes be a woman and often a man? We eat toast and drink a toast.

Why would a compliment from a chicken be an insult? Because it would be bad language.

Why is a cherry like a book? Because it is red (read).

Why are heavy rain showers like heavy drinkers? Because they often start with just a few small drops.

What is it about losing an eye that leaves you with nothing but a nose? Just noise.

Why is a four-quart jar like a lady’s side-saddle? Because it holds a gal-on (gallon).

Why is fashionable society like a warming pan? Because it looks great on the outside but is actually empty inside.

Why are balloons in the air like homeless people? Because they have no visible means of support.

What islands would make a lovely and cheerful lunch for a gathering? Sandwich and Madeira.

What does a good surgeon need to be successful? They must have the sharp vision of an eagle, the courage of a lion, and the gentle touch of a lady.

77Why is rheumatism like a big eater? Because it goes after the joints.

If I were in the sun and you were out of it, what would the sun become? Sin.

Why would an owl be upset if you called him a pheasant? Because you would be mocking him.

Why is anthracite coal like true love? Because it burns with a steady fire.

Why is a really funny guy like a bad shot? Because he keeps the game going.

When people are arguing outside, what should they do? Go inside.

Why is Berlin the wildest city in Europe? Because it's always buzzing along the Spree.

Which word do women like the most? The last one.

Why is Father Time like a trendy young guy? Because he moves in cycles (bicycles).

Luke had it first, Paul had it last; boys never have it; girls have it only once; Miss Sullivan had it twice in the same spot, but when she married Pat Murphy, she never had it again? The letter L.

78Why are women the biggest thieves in existence? Because they steal their petticoats, cheat with their stays, take their babies, and snag their dresses.

Why is a man who adds to a false rumor like someone who believes everything they hear? Because he relies on everything he’s told.

When does a farmer fold a sheep without hurting it? When he folds it.

What did the managing editor say when the horticultural editor mentioned he had grown hothouse lilac bushes that reached over fifty feet tall? I wish I could lie like that.

Why is an apothecary like a woodcock? Because he has a long bill.

What is the most captivating piece of art? A stylish young woman.

Who is the oldest person recorded with mental illness? A long time ago.

Why do the arguments of a married couple sound like the waves on the beach? Because they are the whispers of the tide (tied).

79What bird is impolite? The mockingbird.

Why is a lawn mower like the owner of a bucket shop? Because it cuts the green.

When can we say a loaf of bread is inhabited? When it has a little Indian in it.

Why are ships like fortunes? Because they are built on investments.

How does a soldier know when it's time to fight? When he sees a battle coming.

At what age should a man get married? At the church.

What kind of essence does a young man want when he asks the question? Agreement.

When is a soldier like a horse? When he carries a burden.

Why is it ridiculous to say that love is blind? Because you’ve never met a man in love who didn’t see way more in his sweetheart than anyone else did.

Why are fixed stars like wicked old men? Because they sparkle (sin till-late).

Why is an undercooked egg like an overcooked egg? They’re both barely cooked.

80Why is a man happier with two wives than with one? He might be content with one, but with two, he's almost guaranteed to be ecstatic.

Why is Gibraltar one of the most amazing places on Earth? Because it's always on the rock, but never goes anywhere.

Why is it hard to flirt on mail steamers? Because all the mails (males) are tied up in bags.

Why is a complete action a loving one? It includes everything.

What best describes and most hinders a Christian's journey? A bunion.

When is a woman's hair like the latest news? When it's in the headlines.

Why is an old umbrella that’s been lost as good as new when it’s found? Because it gets a new cover.

Why is a coach driver like the clouds? Because he holds the reins.

Why does the Salvation Army walk down Broadway on their heels? To save their soles (souls).

81Who was the most successful surveyor ever? Alexander Selkirk, because he ruled over everything he surveyed.

Who is a man of grit? A sugar refiner.

Why is the letter W like a scandal? Because it creates bad feelings.

What’s one of the rules of war? That it’s fatal to stand in the way of a cannonball.

Why are photographers the most rude of all tradespeople? Because when we ask for a copy of our portrait, they always respond with a no.

What cord is that, full of knots, that no one can untie and no one can tie? A cord of wood.

Which is the weirder person, the one who asks a question or the one who answers? The one who asks, because he’s the one seeking answers.

When does the wind most resemble a bookseller? When it's not moving (stationery).

What can you gain from a paper of pins? It will provide you with many useful points.

Why are authors who write about physiognomy like soldiers? Because they focus on faces.

82I went into the woods and found it. I sat down to look for it, but then I went home with it because I couldn’t find it. A sliver.

Why is a clock the most persistent thing in existence? Because it never seems more motivated to keep ticking than when it's fully wound up.

Why is a blind person likely to be clueless? The saying goes, out of sight, out of mind.

How did the whale that swallowed Jonah follow divine law? Jonah was an outsider, and it accepted him.

When is a piece of wood like a queen? When it becomes a ruler.

Why is chicken pie like a gunsmith’s shop? Because it contains fowl in pieces.

Why is asparagus like most sermons? Because people enjoy the end the most.

What is the outcome of finance? Cash.

How did Jonah feel when he was swallowed by a whale? He was really upset and started to cry.

Why is polka music like bitter beer? It has a lot of hops in it.

83Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it’s the sensor.

Why is a steam engine at a fire unusual? Because it operates and entertains at the same time.

Whose best work gets overlooked the most? The shoemaker, because quality shoes last longer than cheap ones.

When is a boy in a pantry like a thief? When he walks into the preserves.

Why are clergymen like train conductors? Because they do a lot of connecting.

When can two people be called half-witted? When they have an understanding with each other.

Why is a jailer like a musician? Because he plays the keys.

Why is a field of grass like someone older than you? Because it’s past your age (pasturage).

Why is it silly to call a dentist's office the dental parlor? Because it's the waiting room.

Why should a guy never share his secrets in a cornfield? Because there are so many ears around, and they would be shocked.

84What part of a fish weighs the most? The scales.

When is a soldier like a vehicle? When he makes a cartridge on the road.

Why do printers often catch bad colds? Because they always use damp paper.

What fruit does a newly married couple resemble? A green pear (pair).

Can you share the best way to make time fly? Go with the flow.

Why is wit like a Chinese woman’s foot? Because brevity is the essence of it.

Why are parliamentary reports called “Blue Books?” Because they are never read.

Why is it silly to ask a pretty girl to be honest? Because she can't be ordinary.

Why is a sheep like a pro gambler? Because he's raised on the turf, plays around in his youth, hangs out with con artists, and ends up getting fleeced.

Why is a well-trained horse like a kind man? Because he stops at the sound of "whoa."

What city is mentioned more often than any other? Cork.

85Why is a bookbinder like charity? Because he often hides many faults.

Why should an artist never run out of cash? If he knows what he's doing, he can always make money.

What do we often hear yet never see? Passing comments.

Why are candy makers like mercenaries in love? Because they always sell their kisses.

What is it about a house that rarely collapses, but never harms the person living in it when it does? The rent.

What three actions make up the main focus of a woman’s life? Attract, commit, and criticize.

Why is a sensible person like a pin? Because their head keeps them from going too far.

Why are some of our officers like a dance instructor's toes? Because they have to be pointed outward.

What are the most patient objects that resemble humans? Statues.

Why is necessity like a furious lawyer? It knows no rules.

86If all the letters in the alphabet were on a mountain, which letter would go down first? D would start the slide.

When you listen to a drum, what makes you a good judge? It's because you can hear both sides.

Why is the vowel O the only one that can be heard? Because all the others are silent.

Why is a coward like a leaky barrel? Because they both leak.

If a short guy marries a widow, what will his friends call him? A widow’s mite.

Who would be brave enough to sit in front of the Queen with his hat on? Her coachman.

Why wasn’t “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” written by a woman? Because it was written by Mrs. Beecher Stowe (Beecher’s toe).

What animal is it that, if you cut off the tip of its tail, you can create a top-notch Jew? Rabbit (Rabbi).

Why is a lame dog like a schoolboy adding six and seven together? Because the dog writes down three and carries one.

When is a house like a bird? When it has wings.

87What moral lesson does the weather vane teach? It's pointless to aspire.

When is a lawyer like a pack animal? When drafting a contract.

When is a soldier like a watch? When he's on duty.

What are the remnants of the ending year? November and December.

How does a poultry dealer have to make a living? By dirty tricks.

When was beef tea first introduced in England? When Henry VIII ended the Pope’s authority.

Why is a butcher's cart like his high boots? Because he carries his calves in them.

Why does a Maltese cat rest better in summer than in winter? Because summer brings a caterpillar (cat-a-pillow).

Is there anything a guy with a Kodak can't capture? Yeah, a hint.

Why do American soldiers never back down? They are part of a professional army.

Why does tying a slow horse to a post make him faster? It speeds him up.

88What is it that a man, no matter how clever he is, fails to notice? His own nose.

What goes against a farmer’s nature the most? His reaper.

Why might we think that Noah had beer on the ark? Because the kangaroo came in with hops, and the bear was always bruin.

Why should potatoes grow better than other vegetables? Because they have "eyes" to see what they’re doing.

A duck in front of two ducks, a duck behind two ducks, and a duck between two ducks; how many ducks are there in total? Three.

What ten-letter word can be spelled with five? X-p-d-n-c (expediency).

Why should the highest apple on a tree be the best one? Because it's a top-quality apple.

How many fathers does a man have? Nine: his father, his godfather, his father-in-law, his two grandfathers, and his four forefathers.

Why would a spider seem to have wings? Because it often catches a fly.

Why is a railroad incredibly patriotic? It's closely linked to the country with the strongest connections.

89What is the most amazing acrobatic act? For a person to turn things over in their own mind.

Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn? Because it's the greatest of modern composers.

Do women like to see themselves in print? No; they prefer silk or satin.

Why are bookkeepers like chickens? Because they have to work hard to make a living.

Who is the guy who always finds things boring? The scissors sharpener.

Why is the first chick of a brood like the mainmast of a ship? Because it’s a little ahead of the main hatch.

Why is a book your best friend and companion? Because when it bores you, you can close it without hurting its feelings.

Why is a guy in front of a crowd well-supported? Because he has the media behind him.

What type of men are the most straightforward in their actions? Chess players.

Why is playing chess a better activity than playing cards? Because you play chess with two bishops and cards with four knaves.

90When can women who are having a good time be said to look miserable? When they are at the opera, as they are then in rows.

Why should people trust a minister? Because he’s almost always right (a curate).

Why is a mad bull like a friendly guy? Because he butts heads with everyone he meets.

What should you look at? A mirror.

Why does the map of Turkey in Europe look like a frying pan? Because it has Greece at the bottom.

I share in your happiness and your sadness, and your home wouldn't feel complete without me. Letter O.

How many young women does it take to get from New York to Philadelphia? About one hundred, because a miss is as good as a mile.

Why should colts stay away from exposure? Because they might catch a cold and end up a little hoarse.

In what way is marriage like a card game? Well, a woman has a heart, a man captures it with a diamond, and after that, her hand is his.

91When is a new dress older than an old one? When it’s more (moire) antique.

What is the name of the plant that is most deadly to mice? Catnip.

Why is a bad singer like a counterfeiter? Because he produces terrible notes.

What kind of affection do landlords appreciate the most? Parental (pay-rental).

When day breaks, what happens to the pieces? They go into mourning (morning).

Why are washerwomen the silliest women? Because they put their tubs out to catch soft water when it rains heavily.

92Why is a book like a king? Because it has a lot of pages.

When are two apples similar? When they're peeled.

When a waiter of color drops a platter of roast turkey, why does it cause such a huge crisis? Because it signifies the fall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece, the downfall of Africa, and the disintegration of China.

What time should an innkeeper go to a foundry? When he needs a barmaid.

Why was Blackstone like an Irish vegetable? Because he was a regular tatur (commentator).

Why is an author the most amazing person in the world? Because he owns countless stories, and they all come from his imagination.

What do you call a boy who eats all the melons he can find, whether they’re ripe or overripe? He’s what we call a meticulous young lad.

What is an eavesdropper? The icicle.

What trade is definitely one where a person will never earn a dime unless they keep at it? Bill-posting.

93Why is a neglected girl like a fire that has gone out? Because she doesn't have a spark left.

In what situation are two heads better than one? In a barrel.

Why are bells used to call people to church? Because they have an inspiring influence.

What goes up the hill and down the hill but still stays in place? The road.

What happens to the chocolate cake when your only son eats it? It disappears into thin air.

When is coffee like dirt? When it's ground.

When is a bill like a gun? When it is introduced and passed.

Why is a talkative speaker like a whale? Because he often surfaces to blow.

Why is a railroad track such a sentimental object? Because it's closely connected.

What is society made up of? A blend of mysteries and miseries.

94What is it that grows the more you share it with others? Happiness.

What is taken from you before you have it? Your portrait.

When is a man, like friendship, most easily tested? When he takes on a loan.

What sad truth is there about a calendar? There’s never a time when its days aren't counted.

What is the best food for people with indigestion? Oysters; because they digest just before they're eaten.

Who are the men who have left their mark? Those who can't write.

Why is a distant horse like a man in a shady spot? Because he is out of the heat.

Why are park railings like a lady’s corset? Because they restrict a deer (dear).

Do you know what the oldest piece of furniture in the world is? The multiplication table.

What is the debt you can't be sued for? The debt of nature.

When are soldiers most likely to get blisters? When they start their service.

95Why is the woodsman's axe an unreliable weapon? Because it first fells a tree and then chops it into pieces.

Why is an innkeeper like a lot of people? Because he is a host himself.

Why is the blush of modesty like a little girl? Because it suits a woman.

Why is a bad epigram like a useless pencil? Because it has no point.

If you see a fake coin on the street, why should you always pick it up? Because you could get arrested for using it.

Why is Queen Victoria like a hat? Because they both have crowns.

Why is love always shown as a child? Because it never matures to the age of reason.

What key opens the prison for a reckless man? Whiskey.

Why is a pig with a curly tail like the ghost of Hamlet’s father? Because he could tell a story.

Why is a plowed field like feathered game? Because it’s part-ridges.

96When is a dog most like a human? When he's caught between a man and a boy.

How does a boy look if you hurt him? It makes him yell Oh! (yellow).

Why didn’t the last dove come back to the ark? Because she had good reasons to stay.

Why is there some reason to question the existence of the Giant’s Causeway? There are so many shamrocks (sham rocks) in Ireland that this might be one of the reasons.

Why are good husbands like dough? Because women need them.

Why is a piece of extra fine handwriting like a dead pig? Because it's made with the pen.

When does a man feel feminine? When he makes his first speech.

What’s the difference between an honest and a dishonest laundress? One does your laundry; the other steals it.

What does a husband do who misses a train that he promised his wife he would take to come back? He catches it when he gets home.

97What coat is complete without buttons and worn when it’s wet? A coat of paint.

What is the most significant surgical operation on record? Lansing, Michigan.

How do you make a tall guy short? Borrow money from him.

Why are fixed stars like pens, ink, and paper? Because they are stationary.

Why wouldn’t someone want to look at Niagara forever? Because they’d always have a cataract in their eye.

What bridge is guaranteed to handle any stress? The bridge of a violin.

What is it that, even though it's black, lights up the world? Ink.

Why is it dangerous to go into the woods in spring? Because the bullrush is blooming, the cowslips are growing, the grasses have blades, the flowers have pistils, and the little twigs are sprouting.

Why are laws like the ocean? The biggest issues come from the waves.

Why is the Mississippi the most expressive of rivers? Because it has a dozen outlets.

98Why is the fly the best among the grocery customers? Because when it comes for sugar, it lands right there.

Why does a pilot dislike talking about their trips? It's usually a sore spot for them.

Why is a Chinese guy never confused? Because no matter where he is, he always has his cue.

What’s the most popular paper at summer resorts? Fly paper.

In law courts, what is the relationship between the judges, sergeants, and counselors? They are brothers—brothers-in-law.

Why is St. Paul like a white horse? Because they both care about Timothy.

Why do men leave the theater? Because some plays are so serious that the men have to step out to laugh.

Why is a nail stuck in the wall like an old man? Because it's weak.

What’s the difference between love and war? One causes physical pain and the other causes emotional pain.

99What’s the difference between a man and butter? The older a man gets, the weaker he becomes, but the older the butter is, the stronger it gets.

When did Caesar first visit the Irish? When he crossed the Rhine and went back to bridge it (Bridget).

What light could possibly be seen in a dark room? An Israelite.

How can the Queen be a poor gentlewoman? She only has one crown.

Why is the letter B like a hot fire? Because it makes oil boil.

Why is a sick person healed by sea-bathing like a jailed criminal? Because he is cured by the sea (secured).

When does a public speaker steal wood? When he takes the stage.

Why is the letter A like a honeysuckle? Because a B comes after it.

What history keeps repeating itself? The history of nations. Your personal history is echoed by those around you.

When are two tramps like regular time in music? When they’re two beats in a measure.

100If a two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle, and a three-wheeled vehicle is a tricycle, what do you call a five-wheeled one? A V-hicle, of course.

Why is a ferry boat like a good rule? Because it functions in both directions.

What part of London is like a disabled person? Cripplegate (cripple-gait).

What kind of robe is that which you can’t weave, you can’t buy, no one can sell, doesn’t need washing, and lasts forever? Robe of Righteousness.

How do we know nightingales are lively? Because they have a great time after dark.

When is water most likely to escape? When it's half-tide.

What is always behind time? The back of a clock.

What medicine does a cross dog like? Bark and wine (whine).

What’s the difference between perseverance and stubbornness? One is a strong will, and the other is a strong refusal.

101Can't think, can't speak, yet reveals the truth to everyone? A real balance, or set of scales.

What country does a crying baby long for? More-rock-oh, or Lapland.

Why does a weathered tramp wear a coat like a person with insomnia? Because it hasn’t had a nap in ten years.

Why are spiders great messengers? Because they send a message with every delivery and at every place.

What does a young woman turn into when she stops being thoughtful? Ex-thoughtful.

What’s a sure sign that spring is on its way? A cat with its back arched, staring at a hole in the wall.

A woman asked a man how old he was. He replied, "My age is what you do in everything—excel (XL)."

Pray find a word that will create a chair and table? Char-i-table.

Why is it that whenever you look for something, you always find it in the last place you check? Because you stop looking as soon as you find it.

102Why is the world like a cat’s tail? Because it’s fluffy all the way to the tip.

What’s the hardest lock to pick? A bald head.

If Rider Haggard had been Lew Wallace, who would "She" have been? "Ben-Hur."

What would a pig do if he wanted to build himself a home? Tie a knot in his tail and call it a pig's tie.

Why is snow like a maple tree? Because it disappears in the early spring.

Who is the first nobleman mentioned in the Bible? Baron (barren) figtree.

If a guy hit his head on the ceiling, what would he get? Ceiling whacks (sealing wax.)

What’s something good to give away? A comb.

If your uncle's sister isn't your aunt, what is her relation to you? She's your mom.

Why is a pig the most resourceful of all animals? Because he always keeps a spare rib with him.

103Why is St. Paul's Cathedral in London like a bird’s nest? Because it was designed by a wren (Sir Christopher Wren).

For what profession are the members of a college rowing team best suited? For dentistry, because they have a strong pull.

Why does a chambermaid have more lives than a cat? Because every morning she comes back to life.

Why should the guy who controls the reins on a horse-drawn carriage be successful? Because he's in the driving business.

What paradox can often be found in a flower garden? A white pink.

Why do carpenters have so much faith in fortune tellers? They can’t work without a drill (augur).

What does a yawning policeman look like? An open-faced watch.

Why is a crow like a lawyer? He likes to have his caws (cause) heard.

What is the political nature of a water-wheel? Revolutionary.

Why are umbrellas like good churchgoers? They observe Lent so well.

104Why is a cat climbing three sets of stairs like a steep hill? Because she’s on a journey.

What three letters spell the name of a famous Roman general? C-P-O (Scipio).

Why is England such a dry country? Because there’s only been one reign there in over fifty years.

Why is a nice but unrefined girl like brown sugar? Because she’s sweet but not polished.

Why are some women a lot like tea kettles? Because they whistle cheerfully and then suddenly become heated.

What’s the best way to keep fish from smelling? Cut off their noses.

Why should you never share a secret with your relatives? Because family will always reveal the truth.

Which profession is easier, a doctor's or a clergyman's? A clergyman's: he preaches, the doctor practices.

How can we prove that a horse has six legs? Because it has two front legs and two back legs.

How does light get through a prism? It carves its way through.

105When is a pie like a poet? When it is Browning.

What can pass in front of the sun without casting a shadow? The wind.

Why would "Watermelon" be a great name for a newspaper? Because its contents would definitely be read.

Why shouldn't the number 288 ever be brought up in conversation? Because it's two gross.

When is a tourist in Ireland like a donkey? When they're heading to Bray.

Why are people with short memories always greedy? Because they keep forgetting things.

What marks the start of every ending and the finish of every location? The letter E.

Why is the ringing of a bell like the prayers of a hypocrite? Because it's a serious sound from a careless mouth.

What letters of the alphabet are most like a Roman emperor? The C’s are.

Why is a sneeze like Niagara Falls? Because it’s a catarrh-act.

When does water look like a gymnast? When it springs up.

106What bird is in season all year round? The weather vane.

What would you expect to see on a literary person's breakfast table? Bacon's Remains, Final Memories of Lamb, if it's in season, and Shelley fragments.

When is a sick person a contradiction? When they are an impatient patient.

What is the dog star supposed to be? A sky terrier.

What’s the difference between a tunnel and a speaking trumpet? One is dug out, the other is carved out.

When can a person really be said to be fully engaged in work? When they’re giving a swimming lesson.

What career should someone pursue to stand out in the world? A sculptor.

What kind of wind do we naturally look for after Lent? An Easterly one.

How do small fish have a good understanding of business? Not being able to do better, they start on a small scale.

When do cards look the most like wolves? When they're part of a pack.

107What vine does beef grow on? The bo-vine.

What’s the difference between the Mormons’ religion and their wives? Their religion is singular, but their wives are plural.

When is a man duplicated? When he's overwhelmed.

Why is a drunken Irishman like a guard on duty? He is patrolling.

Why is a Zulu beauty like an ancient prophet? She doesn't have much in her own country.

Why is a blacksmith like a reliable horse? Because one shoes horses, and the other is a dependable horse.

When sending out invitations for a dance party, what single word will indicate the start time for dancing? At ten-dance (attendance).

What is the greatest physical accomplishment ever achieved? Wheeling, West Virginia, on the Ohio.

What does an envelope say when it's licked? It just stays quiet and doesn’t say anything about it.

108Why is a pretty girl like a great mirror? She’s a stunning girl.

When is an army completely defeated? When all the soldiers are in their barracks.

Why is too much whiskey and champagne like the flowers that bloom in spring? Because they make the nose happy (nosegay).

Why is a mail carrier at risk of losing his way? Because he's relying on directions from people he doesn't know.

What killed Joan of Arc? Too much hot stake.

What’s the difference between a watchmaker and a jailer? One sells watches, and the other keeps an eye on inmates.

Why are lawyers the most uncontrolled people? Because they’re always practicing at the bar.

What four-syllable word represents Sin riding on a small animal? Sin-on-a-mouse (Synonymous.)

What motive did the inventor of railways have in mind? A locomotive.

With what do the mermaids tie up their hair? With a seaweed band.

109What tree produces the most marketable fruit? The axle tree.

What is the sharpest tool mentioned in the Bible? The Acts (axe) of the Apostles.

Why is a bank clerk always well-informed? Because he's constantly taking notes.

Use me well and I’m everyone; ignore me and I’m nobody. A mirror.

What famous Scotsman would you say if a servant knocked at the door? John Knox.

Why is a billiard maker like a stage manager? Because he gives the players a cue.

Why is the sculptor Powers a great con artist? Because he carved the Greek slave out of her clothes.

Why is the Bank of England like a thrush? It frequently changes its notes.

What is it that the person who makes it doesn't need, the person who buys it doesn't use for themselves, and the person who uses it doesn’t know it? A coffin.

Why are convicts like a deck of cards? Because there's a dishonest person in every suit.

110When is a fact like a universal patent? When it is obvious to “everyone.”

What kind of fancy lunch wouldn’t be seen as a big deal? A lunch of dried apples and warm water, which is actually a nice affair.

Why is a young woman like a promissory note? Because she should be secured when she reaches maturity.

What is something that always points down? A nail in your shoe.

Why is a man just thrown in prison like a boat full of water? Because he wants to be bailed out.

What kind of face does an auctioneer prefer? One that's ready for bidding.

Why should a bad salesman be handed over to a potter? Because he’s just bad clay and needs to be shaped up.

Why is a ledger like a sculpture shop? It's full of numbers.

When a young man visits his girlfriend, what should he bring with him? Love in his heart, charm in his behavior, and treats in his pockets.

111What is it that Adam never saw, never owned, yet left two to each of his children? Parents.

When can a baseball team say its “cake is all dough”? When it doesn’t have a good batter.

Why is it better to lose an arm than a leg? Because when you lose a leg, you lose something extra.

What key in music will make a good officer? A sharp major.

Why were the Jews of old like bad debts? Because they killed the prophets (profits).

What is political economy? Dividing your vote.

What makes everyone sick except for those who accept it? Flattery.

What jury of twelve puts us on trial for a year? The twelve months; they all put us to the test.

What is something that only takes off when its wings are broken? An army.

What’s the difference between a really intriguing young woman and her watch? The watch helps you keep track of the hours, while the young woman makes you forget them.

112Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it’s not useful until it’s cracked open.

Why is a shabby piece of clothing similar to a guy who stayed out late at a party? Because both look exhausted when they lose their freshness.

What bridge causes the most anxiety? A suspension bridge.

When does a cook break the law of the kitchen? When she poaches eggs.

Why is a guy who loves cigars like a tallow candle? Because he smokes when he's burning out.

What way does a kettle show its anger? It sings the sweetest when it's at its hottest.

Why do you always mess up when you put on your slipper? Because you put your foot in it.

Why is a lucky gambler a nice guy? Because he knows how to win.

Why is the front horse in a wagon team like someone who accepts a bill? Because he’s the last horse, sir (endorser).

What money brings the most significant interest? Marriage.

113What’s really interesting is that when the Chinese actor loses his head, he’s pretty much guaranteed to lose his cue at the same time.

Why, when you paint a man’s portrait, can it be said that you're stepping into his shoes? Because you make his features yours.

Why is everything's inside a mystery? Because we can't figure it out.

Why is the Prince of Wales thinking about his mother’s rule like a rainbow? Because it’s the son’s way of reflecting on a stable reign.

Who was the first man mentioned in the Bible? Chap. I (chap first).

Who was the first woman mentioned in the Bible? Genesis (Jennis Sis).

At what time of day was Adam created? A little before Eve.

Spell “Adam’s Express Company” with three letters. E-v-e.

What single word in the Bible represents a father calling his son and the son responding? Ben Hadad (Ben, ha-dad).

Who was a very short man mentioned in the Bible? Nehemiah (knee-high Miah).

Who was the strongest man mentioned in the Bible? Jonah, because the whale couldn't hold him down.

Who is considered the greatest speaker mentioned in the Bible? Samson, because he brought down the house filled with his enemies.

Who was the shortest man mentioned in the Bible? Beldad the Shuhite (shoe height).

118Where is paper money first mentioned in the Bible? Where the dove left the ark and brought back a green leaf.

Why did Noah have to bend down when entering the ark? Because, even though the ark was tall, Noah was a taller figure (leader).

Who grabbed the first newspaper? Cain grabbed a Bell’s (Abel’s) Life, and Joshua overruled the Sun.

What evidence do we have that Moses was the most evil person to ever exist? Because he shattered all the Ten Commandments at once.

How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Abel.

Where was aestheticism first mentioned in the Bible? Where the Lord made Balaam’s donkey speak.

When were walking sticks first mentioned in the Bible? When Eve gave Adam a little Cain (cane).

What fur did Adam and Eve wear? Bear skin.

Who was the fastest runner in the world? Adam, because he came in first in the race.

When did Moses sleep five in a bed? When he slept with his ancestors.

119This is a good setup if done correctly: Who was the first man? Adam? Who was the first woman? Eve. Who killed Cain? Most people will likely say Abel.

What was Job’s wardrobe made up of? Three awful comforters.

What three words did Adam use when he introduced himself to Eve that read the same backward and forward? Madam, I’m Adam.

Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest? Because it had no Eve.

How did Adam and Eve get stopped from gambling? Someone took their pair of dice away.

What stone should have been placed at the gate of Eden after the expulsion? Adam isn't in (adamantine).

What did Adam and Eve do after they were kicked out of Eden? They raised Cain.

Why did Adam bite the apple that Eve gave him? Because he didn’t have a knife.

Why was Eve created? To be Adam’s companion.

Who was the straightest man mentioned in the Bible? Moses, because Pharaoh made him a ruler.

120What proof do we have that Adam used sugar? Because he raised Cain.

Who was the first man sentenced to hard labor for life? Adam.

Why was the giant Goliath so shocked when David hit him with a stone? Because he had never imagined anything like that before.

Which are the two smallest things mentioned in the Bible? The widow’s mite and the wicked flee.

How is it that Methuselah was the oldest man when he died before his father? His father was taken up to heaven.

How many soft boiled eggs could the giant Goliath eat on an empty stomach? One, after which his stomach was not empty.

What’s the difference between Joan of Arc and Noah’s Ark? One was a Maid from Orleans, the other was made of wood.

Where did Noah hit the first nail in the ark? On the head.

Why wasn't Eve afraid of the measles? Because she’d Adam (had ’em).

What church did Eve belong to? Adam thought she was Eve-angelical.

121Which two animals brought the least onto the ark? The fox and the rooster, since they only had a brush and a comb between them.

Who was the first to enter a theater? Joseph, when he was taken from his family and placed in the pit.

In what place did the rooster crow so loudly that everyone in the world heard him? In the ark.

What happened to Lot when his wife turned into a pillar of salt? He got a new one.

Who first introduced salted meat to the navy? Noah, when he brought Ham onto the ark.

What animal brought the most luggage onto the ark? The elephant, who brought its trunk.

What snacks did they have in the ark? Preserved pears.

What man mentioned in the Bible had no father? Joshua, the son of Nun.

What reason do we have to believe that Moses wore a wig? Because he was sometimes seen with Aaron and sometimes without 'Air on (hair on).

Why was Noah like a hungry cat? Because he went forty days and forty nights without finding Ararat.

122If Solomon was the son of David and Joab was the son of Zeruiah, then what was Zeruiah's relationship to Joab? His mother.

Note.—Most people will answer with “his father,” not remembering that Zeruiah was a woman.

If "Moses was the son of Pharaoh’s daughter," then he must have been the daughter of Pharaoh's son.

Note.—Many people will debate that it was impossible for Moses to be a daughter, etc. It's easier to understand it by connecting the words like this: “daughter of Pharaoh’s son.”

How should the following be read?

How should the following be read?

130How should the following stanza be read so that it’s meaningful?

Je suis le capitaine de vingt-quatre soldats, et sans moi, Paris serait pris.

Pourquoi les amateurs de femmes vont-ils souvent à l'hippodrome ?

Quelle différence y a-t-il entre le souverain de la Perse et le vice-roi d'Égypte ?

C’est que l’un est chat (Shah) et l’autre pas chat (Pacha).

Quel est le peuple le moins heureux de l'univers ?

Le peuple persan, parce qu'il est gouverné par un Schah (chat), et que le schah fait fuir les souris.

A French friend wants to know: Why is the King of Italy like a singer at the opera who is losing his voice?

Parce qu'il a perdu sa voix (Savoie).

Pourquoi les Carthaginois portaient-ils toujours des gants?

Parce qu’ils n’aimaient pas l’air aux mains (les Romains)!

134When does a glove look like the number twenty-five?

Quand il est neuf et très étroit (et treize et trois)!

Un félon peut-il vraiment adopter comme devise, “Honneur à Dieu”?

Non, because he has to say—“Goodbye, honor!”

Je ne suis pas ce que je suis; car si j’étais ce que je suis, je ne serais pas ce que je suis, cependant je suis ce que je suis; devinez ce que je suis?

Un domestique qui suit sa maîtresse.

11,111.

What four U.S. coins add up to fifty-one cents?

Understood. Please provide the text for modernization.—Two quarters and two half cents.

Place three 6s together to make 7.

Place three 2s together to make 24.

Place three 3’s together to make 24.

Take one from nine to make it ten.

Method.—Write nine like this, 9; take away the 1 and we have 10.

Add one to nine to get twenty.

Method.—Nine is 9; if we cross the 1, we have 20.

138Show that if you take one from nineteen, you have twenty left.

Approach.—Take the I from XIX, and we get XX.

Make four straight lines, then add five more straight lines to make ten.

Prove that half of eleven is six.

Method.—In XI, draw a line like this,

the upper half is 6.

Prove that one added to twenty equals nineteen.

What three-digit number multiplied by 8 equals exactly 10?

Does the top of a carriage wheel move faster than the bottom? If so, explain why.

Answer.—The top always moves faster than the bottom.

Which is greater, and by how much: six dozen dozen or half a dozen dozen? Or is there no difference between them?

139Which is heavier, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers?

Answer.—The pound of feathers, because it is weighed using Avoirdupois weight, while gold is weighed using Troy weight.

Take fifty, add a zero, add five, add one-fifth of eight, and the total is the sum of human happiness.

Six ears of corn are in a hollow stump; how long will it take a squirrel to carry them all out if he takes out three ears a day?

Comment.—The “catch” is on the word ears. He takes off two ears from his head and one ear of corn each day; so, it takes six days.

How to show, using math concepts, that two different numbers are the same, like 4 = 2.

Method.—Everyone agrees that 8 - 8 = 4 - 4. If you divide both of these by 2 - 2, the result will be the same. So,

Supposing there are more people in the world than anyone has hairs on their head; then there must be at least two people who have the same number of hairs on their head, down to the last hair. Explain how this works.

140Arrange 17 small sticks—like matches—so they form 6 equal squares, as shown in the margin. Then take away 5 sticks, leaving behind three perfect squares of the same size.

Answer.—The method to achieve this is outlined below this answer.

A and B have an 8-gallon cask full of wine, and they want to split it into two equal parts. The only containers they have are a 5-gallon cask and a 3-gallon cask. How can they divide the wine using these two vessels?

Method.—First, fill the 3-gallon cask from the 8-gallon cask. Then, pour those 3 gallons into the 5-gallon cask. Next, fill the 3-gallon cask again and pour the contents into the 5-gallon cask until it's full. This will leave 1 gallon in the 3-gallon cask. After that, empty the 5-gallon cask into the 8-gallon cask, pour the 1 gallon from the 3-gallon cask into the 5-gallon cask, and fill the 3-gallon cask from the 8-gallon cask. There will then be 4 gallons in the 8-gallon cask.

Two guys in an oyster bar made a bet on who could eat the most oysters. One ate ninety-nine and the other ate a hundred, winning the wager. How many did they both eat?

Note.—The catch is on a hundred and wonder. When spoken, it sounds like it means “one ate ninety-nine and the other ate a hundred and one;” so, the typical answer provided is two hundred. The accurate answer is one hundred and ninety-nine.

141If a room with 8 corners had a cat in each corner, seven cats in front of each cat, and a cat on each cat’s tail, how many cats would there be in total?

Answer.—Eight cats.

Tell someone to think of a number, multiply it by 3, multiply the result by 2, divide that by 6, add 20, subtract the number they thought of, divide by 4, and then tell them what their result is.

Method.—The result will be five. The reasoning is simple. By multiplying by 3 and 2 and dividing by 6, he arrives at the number he’s thinking of. Then, if he adds 20, he has that number plus 20; when he subtracts the number he’s thinking of, he ends up with twenty. Now I know he has twenty; so I can tell him what he’ll get if he divides by 4.

A farmer had an ox-chain with 15 links and broke it into five equal parts. He took it to a blacksmith to get it welded back together. The blacksmith agreed to fix it for 50 cents per weld, but when he handed over the bill, he charged for four welds, making the total $2.00. The farmer contested the bill, arguing that it should have been fixed with only three welds. How could that have been done?

Method.—Each piece had three links; cut open the three links of one piece and use them to connect the other four pieces of the chain.

142Think of a number, multiply it by six, divide it by three, add forty, divide that by two; say the result, and I will tell you the number you thought of.

Method.—If you multiply by six and then divide by three, you end up with twice the number; add forty and you have twice the number plus forty. Divide that by two and you get the number plus twenty; so, if I subtract twenty from the result you give me, I will have the original number.

Let someone pick a number greater than 1 and not more than 10. I'll then add a number that's also no more than 10, taking turns with them; and even though they get to choose the starting number, I'll be the one to reach an even hundred first.

Method.—I make my additions so that the totals equal 12, 23, 34, 45, and so on, up to 89, when I clearly see I can reach 100 first. When I'm with someone who doesn’t know the method, I don’t need to go through the entire series; I just concentrate on reaching 89. Once they get that, I aim for 78, then 67, and so on.

Think of a number with 3 or more digits, divide it by nine, and note the remainder; remove one digit from the number, divide by 9 again, and let me know the remainder, and I will tell you which digit you removed.

Method.—If the second remainder is less than the first, the number to remove is the difference between the remainders; however, if the second remainder is greater than the first, the number to remove is 9 minus the difference between the remainders.

143Have a person think of any number on a clock face. I will then point to different numbers, and at each one, they will quietly add one to the number they picked, until they reach twenty, which they will say out loud; and my pointer will then be on the number they chose.

Method.—I randomly point around the face of the watch until I get to the eighth point, which should land on the “12.” Then I move systematically toward the “1,” pointing at “11,” “10,” “9,” and so on, until “twenty” is called, at which point my pointer will be on the selected number.

Take nine from six, ten from nine, and fifty from forty, and six will remain.

Two-thirds of six is nine, one-half of twelve is seven, half of five is four, and six is half of eleven.

Method.—Two-thirds of 6 is 4, the top half of 12 is 6, half of 5 is 2.5, and the top half of 11 is 5.5.

Two men have 24 ounces of liquid that they want to split evenly between them. How can they make the division work if they only have three containers: one that holds 5 oz., another that holds 11 oz., and the third that holds 13 oz.?

Method.—The method is the same as dividing 8 gallons discussed on page 78.

144Three people have 51 quarts of rice and only two containers: one that holds 4 quarts and another that holds 7 quarts. How can they divide it into three equal portions?

Method.—One-third of 51 is 17; therefore, each person should receive 17 quarts. To measure out 17 quarts, fill the 7-quart container twice and pour that into a larger container, giving you 14 quarts. Next, fill the 7-quart container again, pour 4 quarts into the 4-quart container, and then pour the remaining 3 quarts into the container that already has the 14 quarts.

Think of a two-digit number with different digits, switch the digits around, find the difference between this new number and the original one, choose one of the digits, and I'll tell you the other one.

Method.—The sum of the digits in the difference is always nine; so when one number is found, the other number is 9 minus the identified number.

Take any three consecutive digits, rearrange them to create 6 different numbers, add those numbers together, divide by 6, and tell me the result. I’ll then reveal the digits of the original number you used.

Method.—The quotient has three identical digits; the digits of the number chosen are: 1st. one of these identical digits; 2nd. this digit plus one; 3rd. this digit minus one. The same principle applies when the digits of the chosen number vary by 2, 3, or 4. It's an interesting problem to demonstrate that the sum is always divisible by 9 and 18.

145Pick any number, divide it by 9, and tell me the remainder. Multiply that number by a number I specify, and divide the result by 9, and I will tell you the remainder.

Method.—To find the remainder, I multiply the first remainder by the number I told them to multiply the given number by, and then divide this product by 9. The remainder is the second number I get.

Think of a number greater than 3, multiply it by 3; if it's even, divide by 2; if it's odd, add 1, and then divide by 2. Multiply the result by 3; if it's even, divide by 2; if it's odd, add 1, and then divide by 2. Now divide by 9 and let me know the whole number without the remainder, and I will tell you the number you thought of.

Method.—If both results are even, multiply the quotient by 4; if the 2nd result is even and the 1st is odd, multiply by 4 and add 1; if the 1st is even and the 2nd is odd, multiply by 4 and add 2; if both results are odd, multiply by 4 and add 3.

Suppose a guy in Cincinnati could leave on Sunday at noon, when the sun is at its highest point, and travel westward following the sun so that it stays directly overhead the whole time. Since he started at Sunday noon, it’s been noon for him the entire journey, and when he gets back, it’s Monday noon. The question is, where did it switch from Sunday noon to Monday noon?

146Take any number, subtract the sum of its digits, remove any digit from what's left, tell me the sum of the remaining digits, and I will tell you which digit you took out.

Method.—Find the smallest multiple of nine that is greater than “the sum” and subtract “the sum of the remaining digits” from it. The result will be the digit that was crossed out.

In the bottom of a well, 45 feet deep, there was a frog that started climbing to the top. Each day, he went up 3 feet, but every night he slid back 2 feet. How many days did it take for him to get out?

Method.—He climbs 1 foot every day, and after 42 days, he's 3 feet away from the top; then on the 43rd day, he reaches the top.

Think of any three numbers under 10. Multiply the first number by 2 and add 5 to the result. Multiply this sum by 5 and add the second number to the result. Multiply the last result by 10 and add the third number to it; then subtract 250. Tell me the remainder, and I’ll reveal the numbers you thought of, in the order you thought of them.

Method.—The three digits that form this remainder will be the numbers taken into account, and the order in which they are considered will determine their positions as hundreds, tens, and units.

147If a man owned a triangular piece of land, with the longest side measuring 136 rods and the other two sides each measuring 68 rods, what would the value of the grass on it be at a rate of $10 per acre?

Note.—The “catch” here is that the sides given will not form a triangle.

Says A to B: “If you give me four weights, I can measure any weight up to 40 pounds.” Find the weights and the method for weighing.

Answer.—The weights are 1, 3, 9, and 27 pounds. When weighing, we can place one or more weights on both scales, or some on one scale and some on the other: for example, 7 lbs. = 9 lbs. + 1 lb. - 3 lbs.

Three men traveling with their wives came to a river they needed to cross. There was only one boat, and only two people could cross at a time; since the husbands were jealous, no woman could be with a man unless her own husband was there. How did they get across the river?

Method.—Let's refer to the individuals as A, B, and C, along with Mrs. A, Mrs. B, and Mrs. C. First, Mr. A and Mrs. A cross over; then A returns, and Mrs. B and Mrs. C cross over; next, Mrs. A comes back, and Mr. B and Mr. C cross over; then Mr. B and Mrs. B return, and Mr. A and Mr. B cross over; after that, Mrs. C returns, and Mrs. A and Mrs. B cross over; finally, Mr. C returns and takes his wife, Mrs. C, across.

148A man with a fox, a goose, and some corn arrived at a river that he needed to cross. However, he could only take one item across at a time. If he left the goose and corn together while he took the fox over, the goose would eat the corn; but if he left the fox and the goose, the fox would kill the goose. How can he get them all across safely?

Method.—First, he takes the goose over, then goes back to get the fox, brings the goose back, takes the corn over, and finally goes back to get the goose again.

How can the 9 digits be arranged in a rectangular shape so that the sum of any row, whether horizontal, vertical, or diagonal, equals 15?

Answer.—See below.

How can the first 16 digits be arranged so that the sums of the vertical, horizontal, and the two diagonal rows all equal 34?

Response.—See below.

149How can the first 25 digits be arranged so that the sum of each row of five numbers equals 65?

Answer.—See below.

An old Jewish man took a diamond cross to a jeweler to have the diamonds reset. Worrying that the jeweler might not be honest, he counted the diamonds and confirmed that there were 7, using three different methods. The jeweler then stole two diamonds but rearranged the remaining ones so that they still counted as 7 each time. How did he do it?

Method.—The shape of the cross on the left is depicted in Fig. 1, and the shape on the right is shown in Fig. 2. From the figures, you can see how the old Jewish man counted the diamonds and how the jeweler, who "jewed" the Jew, organized them.

150Take 10 coins, line them up, and ask someone to group them into piles of two in each pile by moving each coin over two others.

Method.—Label the pieces with the numbers 1 through 10. Then place 7 on 10, 5 on 2, 3 on 8, 1 on 4, and 9 on 6.

A man goes to a store and buys a pair of boots for $5, handing over a $50 bill to pay for them. The shopkeeper, unable to make change, crosses the street to a broker to get the bill exchanged and then comes back to give the guy who bought the boots his change. A few hours later, the broker discovers that the $50 bill is fake and demands $50 in real money from the shopkeeper. How much does the shopkeeper end up losing?

Note.—At first glance, some people say the boots cost $45, others say $50, some say $95, and a few say $100. Which one is correct?

A ship with a crew of 30 men, half of whom were Black, ran low on supplies. Fearing that unless half the crew was thrown overboard everyone would die, the captain suggested to the sailors that they stand in a line on deck and that every ninth man should be thrown overboard until half the crew was gone. It just so happened that the white sailors were saved. Required, the order of arrangement.

Answer.—W W W W B B B B B W W B W W W B W B B W W B B B W B B W W B. This can be easily demonstrated through experimentation, using letters or numbers to stand for individuals.

Suppose a hare is 10 rods ahead of a hound, and the hound runs 10 rods while the hare runs 1 rod. Now, when the hound has run 10 rods, the hare has run 1 rod; so they are now 1 rod apart. When the hound runs that last rod, the hare has only run 1/10 of a rod; thus they are now 1/10 of a rod apart. When the hound runs that 1/10 of a rod, they are 1/100 of a rod apart. Similarly, it can be demonstrated that the hare is always 1/10 of the previous distance ahead of the hound, meaning the hound can never catch the hare. How can the opposite be mathematically demonstrated? How far will the hound need to run to catch the hare?

Understood. Please provide the text you'd like me to modernize.—The distance the dog runs will be represented by the series

to infinity. The sum of this series can be found using the algebraic formula

in which a = 10 and r = 1/10. Plugging in the values of a and r, we get

This can be solved more easily like this: The hound runs 10 times faster than the fox, so 10 times the distance the fox runs equals the distance the hound covers. Therefore, 10 times the distance the fox runs, minus the distance the fox runs once, which is 9 times the distance the fox runs, equals 10 rods. The distance the fox runs once is 1/9 of 10 rods, or 10/9 rods; and 10 times the distance the fox runs, which is also the distance the hound runs, is 10 times 10/9, or 100/9, which is 11-1/9 rods.

If passenger trains running daily to and from Philadelphia and San Francisco leave at the same time from each location (not considering the difference in longitude) and take the same amount of time—seven days—for the journey, how many through trains will the Pacific Express, which departs from the San Francisco depot at 9 PM on Sunday, have encountered by the time it arrives at the Philadelphia depot?

Answer.—As the Pacific Express leaves San Francisco, a train that departed from Philadelphia the previous Sunday arrives in San Francisco, but this doesn’t count as a meeting of trains. However, there are six other trains on the route that it will meet. Also, a train departs from Philadelphia on the same Sunday the train leaves San Francisco, one leaves on Monday, another on Tuesday, and so on, through Saturday—that is, seven trains in total, all of which it meets, bringing the grand total to thirteen trains encountered, including the six that had already left. A train does leave from Philadelphia on Sunday right as the Pacific Express arrives, but this is not considered a meeting.

A switch siding on a single-track railroad is just long enough to clear a train of eight cars and a locomotive. How can two trains of sixteen cars and a locomotive, each heading in opposite directions, pass each other at this siding while each locomotive remains with, and maintains the same relative position to its own train after passing?

Answer.—Let’s refer to one train and its locomotive as A, and the other as B. We can call the track a b and the siding c d. Imagine train A is traveling towards a b, and train B is headed towards b a. First, let locomotive B, which has eight cars, move towards a, go past c, and back up onto the siding with its eight cars. Then, train A will move towards b, past c. Next, locomotive B will bring its eight cars onto the main track and head towards a. After that, train A will back up towards a, past c, while locomotive A disconnects from train A and moves towards b to connect with train B's eight cars. Locomotive A will pull these cars past c, then back them onto the siding, and then move off the siding to reconnect with its own cars and proceed towards b, past c. Finally, let locomotive B back up its eight cars, turn on the siding, reconnect the two halves of its train, and move off past a, while train A simultaneously moves past b.

A and B went to the market with 30 pigs each. A sold his pigs at 2 for $1, and B sold his pigs at 3 for $1. Together, they made $25. The next day, A went to the market alone with 60 pigs and, wanting to sell at the same rate, sold them at 5 for $2 but only made $24. Why didn’t he make as much as when B had half of the pigs?

Answer.—Buying 2 pigs for $1 is the same as getting 1 pig for $½, and buying 3 pigs for $1 is the same as getting 1 pig for $⅓; the average rate ends up being 2 pigs for $½ + $⅓, which is $⅚, or 1 pig for $5/12. When you buy 5 pigs for $2, it’s 1 pig for $⅖. So, it's clear that A didn't make as much because he sold his pigs for a lower price than they both saw at the market.

Two hunters shot a deer and sold it by the pound in the woods. They didn't have a proper way to weigh it but knew their own weights—one weighed 130 pounds and the other 190 pounds. They set up a rail across a fence so that it balanced with one of them sitting on each end. They then switched places, with the lighter guy holding the deer in his lap, and the rail balanced again; what was the weight of the deer?

Answer.—Let the weight of the deer be represented by D; then, according to the principles of the lever, we have the ratio:

Who can fix this problem?

Explanation.—CI, CLI, CLIO (Clio, the muse of history, one of the nine muses).

Suppose the diagram shows railroad tracks, with C D and E F each being the length of a car or locomotive, and a and b each representing a car on the track, while c represents a locomotive on E F. Now, how can the locomotive change the relative positions of a and b so that b ends up on the track where a is, and a ends up on the track where b is?

Answer.—The locomotive c reverses a down and out towards A, then moves over to B and backs b up on E F. Next, it runs back toward B and heads over to A, then goes up C E and pulls b down on C E. After that, it moves over to A and picks up car a, pulls it over to B, and backs it up on D E. It can also easily be done by first backing a down on A C and pulling it to leave it on C D.

This unique volume effectively addresses a need that has previously been only poorly served by the so-called Stump-Speech books. Mr. Thatcher is undoubtedly the most popular figure in minstrelsy, with his name recognized among comedy-loving audiences everywhere, not just in America but around the world. It’s fortunate that a person of his prominence has contributed to this book, especially since it includes his own original material as he performs it nightly to entertain his audiences with laughter. The book features all his Monologues, Parodies, Songs, Sketches, Poems, Speeches, Jokes, and more. It will be invaluable to every humor enthusiast, both amateur and professional minstrels, and will also provide enjoyable reading for anyone who appreciates lighter literature.

This charming little book is a collection of the funniest, wittiest, and most engaging jokes of the day. They’re all brief, with some only taking up six or eight lines, but they’re sharp and full of clever humor. None of them are old; this collection features the freshest material available.

They are categorized based on their traits under headings like “Women,” “Youth,” “Bald and Tough,” and so on, totaling ten sections, each with a uniquely fitting illustration.

The author is well-known and appreciated for his funny lectures and readings, and both publicly and privately is acknowledged as one of the truly humorous people of our time.

It’s a book that you can pick up and enjoy anytime, and if you read it aloud to a group, it will provide endless laughter and fun.

The catchy and perfectly fitting title of this attractive book accurately reflects its contents, which are filled with entertainment from start to finish. It includes three popular works: TALKS by the famous performer George Thatcher, featuring all his monologues, songs, witty remarks, and more; JOKES by the well-liked humorist Henry Firth Wood, packed with a ton of sharp and lively jokes; and CONUNDRUMS by Dean Rivers, showcasing the latest and greatest in conundrums, riddles, and puzzles, along with several challenging arithmetic puzzles. The various authors and compilers are rightly popular and well-known for representing the sharpest and most original in humor, ensuring that the book lives up to all its claims.

The entire collection provides great entertainment for cozy evenings, serves as a fantastic resource for anecdotes or illustrations, is perfect for public reading or entertainment, and offers enjoyable content for personal reading. Plus, it's a surefire remedy for feeling down.

Available from all booksellers, or shipped prepaid upon receiving the price.

A comprehensive guide for instructors, starting with the basics and advancing to square and round dances. It includes a complete list of calls for all the square dances, the required music for each figure, dance etiquette, and 100 figures for the German dance. It features an impressive number of original illustrations. Undoubtedly the best book on the topic.

There’s probably no more popular character study today than Palmistry. Many more people would be interested if there were an easy-to-understand and reliable book on the topic. This volume provides complete and trustworthy information, and with some practice, anyone can read character traits, recall past events, and predict future happenings just by examining the hand. Fully illustrated.

Alert: Some of the puns may include elements that we would consider stereotyping based on race, ethnicity, or gender today.

Punctuation has been standardized. Variations in hyphenation have been kept as they were in the original publication. The following changes have been made:

The following math problem in the original publication did not include a solution:

“Imagine if a guy in Cincinnati could begin his journey on Sunday afternoon,” {page 145}

Decorative letterspacing on the book cover is shown in some mobile versions using italics.