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THE TALES AND NOVELS
OF
J. DE LA FONTAINE
Original
Original
CONTENTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PREFACE (To The Second Book)
__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ (To The Second Book)
Original
LIFE OF
JEAN DE LA FONTAINE
Jean de La Fontaine was born on the 8th of July, 1621, at Chateau-Thierry, and his family held a respectable position there.
Jean de La Fontaine was born on July 8, 1621, in Chateau-Thierry, and his family had a respectable standing there.
His education was neglected, but he had received that genius which makes amends for all. While still young the tedium of society led him into retirement, from which a taste for independence afterwards withdrew him.
His education was overlooked, but he had that talent that compensates for everything. Even at a young age, the boredom of social life drove him to seek solitude, from which a desire for independence later pulled him away.
He had reached the age of twenty-two, when a few sounds from the lyre of Malherbe, heard by accident, awoke in him the muse which slept.
He had turned twenty-two when a few random notes from Malherbe's lyre unexpectedly sparked the muse that had been dormant within him.
He soon became acquainted with the best models: Pheedrus, Virgil, Horace and Terence amongst the Latins; Plutarch, Homer and Plato, amongst the Greeks; Rabelais, Marot and d'Urfe, amongst the French; Tasso, Ariosto and Boccaccio, amongst the Italians.
He quickly got to know the best writers: Pheedrus, Virgil, Horace, and Terence among the Romans; Plutarch, Homer, and Plato among the Greeks; Rabelais, Marot, and d'Urfe among the French; Tasso, Ariosto, and Boccaccio among the Italians.
He married, in compliance with the wishes of his family, a beautiful, witty and chaste woman, who drove him to despair.
He married, following his family's wishes, a beautiful, smart, and pure woman, who drove him to despair.
He was sought after and cherished by all distinguished men of letters. But it was two Ladies who kept him from experiencing the pangs of poverty.
He was admired and valued by all the notable writers. But it was two women who kept him from feeling the hardships of poverty.
La Fontaine, if there remain anything of thee, and if it be permitted to thee for a moment to soar above all time; see the names of La Sabliere and of Hervard pass with thine to the ages to come!
La Fontaine, if there's anything left of you, and if you’re allowed for a moment to rise above all time; see the names of La Sabliere and Hervard join yours through the ages to come!
The life of La Fontaine was, so to speak, only one of continual distraction. In the midst of society, he was absent from it. Regarded almost as an imbecile by the crowd, this clever author, this amiable man, only permitted himself to be seen at intervals and by friends.
The life of La Fontaine was, in a way, a constant distraction. Even when he was surrounded by people, he seemed distant. This clever writer, this friendly guy, was often seen as foolish by the public, and he chose to show himself only occasionally, and mainly to his friends.
He had few books and few friends.
He had a few books and a few friends.
Amongst a large number of works that he has left, everyone knows his fables and his tales, and the circumstances of his life are written in a hundred places.
Among the many works he has left behind, everyone knows his fables and stories, and the details of his life are documented in numerous places.
He died on the 16th of March, 1695.
He died on March 16, 1695.
Let us keep silence about his last moments, for fear of irritating those who never forgive.
Let’s not talk about his last moments, to avoid upsetting those who never forgive.
His fellow-citizens honour him in his posterity to this day.
His fellow citizens honor him in his legacy to this day.
Long after his death, foreigners went to visit the room which he had occupied.
Long after he died, visitors from other countries came to see the room he had stayed in.
Once a year, I shall go to visit his tomb.
Once a year, I’ll go to visit his grave.
On that day, I shall tear up a fable of La Mothe, a tale of Vergier, or several of the best pages of Grecourt.
On that day, I will destroy a fable by La Mothe, a story by Vergier, or several of the best pages by Grecourt.
He was buried in the cemetery of Saint-Joseph, by the side of Moliere.
He was buried in the Saint-Joseph cemetery, next to Moliere.
That spot will always be held sacred by poets and people of taste.
That place will always be cherished by poets and people with good taste.
THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE
TO THE FIRST VOLUME OF THESE TALES
I had resolved not to consent to the printing of these Tales, until after
I had joined to them those of Boccaccio, which are those most to my taste;
but several persons have advised me to produce at once what I have
remaining of these trifles, in order to prevent from cooling the curiosity
to see them, which is still in its first ardour. I gave way to this advice
without much difficulty, and I have thought well to profit by the
occasion. Not only is that permitted me, but it would be vanity on my part
to despise such an advantage. It has sufficed me to wish that no one
should be imposed upon in my favour, and to follow a road contrary to that
of certain persons, who only make friends in order to gain voices in their
favour by their means; creatures of the Cabal, very different from that
Spaniard who prided himself on being the son of his own works. Although I
may still be as much in want of these artifices as any other person, I
cannot bring myself to resolve to employ them; however I shall accommodate
myself if possible to the taste of the times, instructed as I am by my own
experience, that there is nothing which is more necessary. Indeed one
cannot say that all seasons are suitable for all classes of books. We have
seen the Roundelays, the Metamorphoses, the Crambos, reign one after
another. At present, these gallantries are out of date and nobody cares
about them: so certain is it that what pleases at one time may not please
at another! It only belongs to works of truly solid merit and sovereign
beauty, to be well received by all minds and in all ages, without
possessing any other passport than the sole merit with which they are
filled. As mine are so far distant from such a high degree of perfection,
prudence advises that I should keep them in my cabinet unless I choose
well my own time for producing them. This is what I have done, or what I
have tried to do in this edition, in which I have only added new Tales,
because it seemed to me that people were prepared to take pleasure in
them. There are some which I have extended, and others which I have
abridged, only for the sake of diversifying them and making them less
tedious. But I am occupying myself over matters about which perhaps people
will take no notice, whilst I have reason to apprehend much more important
objections. There are only two principal ones which can be made against
me; the one that this book is licentious; the other that it does not
sufficiently spare the fair sex. With regard to the first, I say boldly
that the nature of what is understood as a tale decided that it should be
so, it being an indispensable law according to Horace, or rather according
to reason and common sense, that one must conform one's self to the nature
of the things about which one writes. Now, that I should be permitted to
write about these as so many others have done and with success I do not
believe it can be doubted; and people cannot condemn me for so doing,
without also condemning Ariosto before me and the Ancients before Ariosto.
It may be said that I should have done better to have suppressed certain
details, or at least to have disguised them. Nothing was more easy, but it
would have weakened the tale and taken away some of its charm: So much
circumspection is only necessary in works which promise great discretion
from the beginning, either by their subject or by the manner in which they
are treated. I confess that it is necessary to keep within certain limits,
and that the narrowest are the best; also it must be allowed me that to be
too scrupulous would spoil all. He who would wish to reduce Boccaccio to
the same modesty as Virgil, would assuredly produce nothing worth having,
and would sin against the laws of propriety by setting himself the task to
observe them. For in order that one may not make a mistake in matters of
verse and prose, extreme modesty and propriety are two very different
things. Cicero makes the latter consist in saying what is appropriate one
should say, considering the place, the time, and the persons to whom one
is speaking. This principle once admitted, it is not a fault of judgment
to entertain the people of to-day with Tales which are a little broad.
Neither do I sin in that against morality. If there is anything in our
writings which is capable of making an impression on the mind, it is by no
means the gaiety of these Tales; it passes off lightly; I should rather
fear a tranquil melancholy, into which the most chaste and modest novels
are very capable of plunging us, and which is a great preparation for
love. As to the second objection, by which people reproach me that this
book does wrong to womankind, they would be right if I were speaking
seriously: but who does not see that this is all in jest, and consequently
cannot injure? We must not be afraid on that account that marriages in the
future will be less frequent, and husbands more on their guard. It may
still be objected that these Tales are unfounded or that they have
everywhere a foundation easy to destroy; in short that they are
absurdities and have not the least tinge of probability. I reply in a few
words that I have my authorities: and besides it is neither truth nor
probability which makes the beauty and the charm of these Tales: it is
only the manner of telling them. These are the principal points on which I
have thought it necessary to defend myself. I abandon the rest to the
censors; the more so as it would be an infinite undertaking to pretend to
reply to all. Criticism never stops short nor ever wants for subjects on
which to exercise itself: even if those I am able to foresee were taken
from it, it would soon have discovered others.
I had decided not to agree to publish these Tales until I had included those of Boccaccio, which I prefer the most; however, several people have recommended that I release what I have left of these little stories right away, to keep the curiosity about them alive while it's still fresh. I found it easy to follow this advice, and I thought it wise to take advantage of the opportunity. Not only is this allowed, but it would be foolish of me to overlook such an opportunity. My only concern is that no one should feel misled in my favor, and I want to take a different path than some who only make friends to gain support for their own interests; those who are part of a tight-knit group, very different from that Spaniard who took pride in being the creator of his own works. Although I may still need these tricks just as much as anyone else, I can’t bring myself to use them; however, I will try my best to align with the tastes of the times, knowing from my own experience that it's crucial. Indeed, not all times are suitable for every type of book. We've seen the popularity of Roundelays, Metamorphoses, and Crambos come and go. Right now, these styles are out of vogue, and nobody cares about them: it’s certain that what pleases one time may not please another! Only works of real substance and true beauty can be appreciated by all minds and through all ages, without needing anything else but their intrinsic merit. Since my works are far from such a high standard, wisdom suggests I keep them in my cabinet unless I choose the right time to reveal them. This is what I have aimed to do in this edition, where I’ve only added new Tales, as it seemed people were ready to enjoy them. Some I have expanded and others I have shortened, just to make them more varied and less boring. But I find myself focused on things that perhaps people won’t pay much attention to, while I have more significant objections to worry about. There are only two main criticisms that can be made against me: one is that this book is inappropriate; the other is that it doesn't adequately protect the dignity of women. Regarding the first, I assert boldly that the nature of what is considered a tale dictates that it should be so; it is an essential rule according to Horace, or even better yet, according to reason and common sense, to adapt to the nature of the subjects one writes about. Now, it shouldn’t be doubted that I should be allowed to write about these just as many others have done successfully, and people can’t condemn me for doing so without also condemning Ariosto before me and the Ancients before Ariosto. It might be argued that I should have chosen to hide certain details or at least to soften them. That would have been easy, but it would have weakened the story and taken away some of its appeal. Such caution is only necessary in works that promise great modesty from the start, either through their subject matter or their treatment. I admit it’s important to stay within certain boundaries, and the stricter, the better; but I should also be allowed to say that being overly cautious would ruin everything. Anyone trying to limit Boccaccio to the same modesty as Virgil would surely produce nothing worth having and would violate the rules of propriety by trying to enforce them. To avoid mistakes in poetry and prose, extreme modesty and propriety are distinctly different. Cicero defines propriety as saying what is suitable based on the place, time, and audience. Accepted this principle, it is not a misjudgment to entertain today’s audience with Tales that are a bit risqué. Neither do I act immorally in doing so. If there is anything in our writings that can leave an impression, it’s not the lightheartedness of these Tales; it fades quickly; I would certainly fear a calm melancholy, which the most chaste and modest novels can lead us into and which serves as a prime preparation for love. As for the second objection, where people accuse me of wronging women, they would be correct if I were speaking seriously: but who fails to see that this is all meant in jest and therefore cannot cause harm? We needn’t fear that marriages in the future will become less common or that husbands will become overly cautious. It could still be argued that these Tales lack foundation or are easily disproved; in short, that they are absurd and completely improbable. I will briefly reply that I have my sources; besides, it is neither truth nor probability that provides beauty and charm to these Tales: it’s only how they are told. These are the main points I felt needed defending. I leave the rest to the critics, especially since it would be an endless task to respond to them all. Criticism never runs out of subjects to tackle: even if the ones I can foresee were removed, it would soon find others.
TALES AND NOVELS
OF
J. DE LA FONTAINE
JOCONDE
IN Lombardy's fair land, in days of yore,
IN Lombardy's beautiful land, back in the day,
Once dwelt a prince, of youthful charms, a store;
Once lived a prince, full of youthful charm, a treasure;
Each FAIR, with anxious look, his favours sought,
Each FAIR, with an anxious look, sought his favors,
And ev'ry heart within his net was caught.
And every heart in his net was caught.
Quite proud of beauteous form and smart address,
Quite proud of her beautiful figure and stylish demeanor,
In which the world was led to acquiesce,
In which the world was led to agree,
He cried one day, while ALL attention paid,
He cried one day while everyone was focused on him,
I'll bet a million, Nature never made
I'll bet a million, Nature never made
Beneath the sun, another man like me,
Beneath the sun, another man like me,
Whose symmetry with mine can well agree.
Whose balance with mine can definitely match.
If such exist, and here will come, I swear
If they exist, and they're coming, I swear.
I'll show him ev'ry lib'ral princely care.
I'll show him every generous, princely concern.
A noble Roman, who the challenge heard,
A noble Roman, who heard the challenge,
This answer gave the king his soul preferr'd
This answer gave the king his preferred soul.
—Great prince, if you would see a handsome man,
—Great prince, if you want to see a good-looking guy,
To have my brother here should be your plan;
To have my brother here should be your plan;
A frame more perfect Nature never gave;
A frame more perfect than what Nature has ever created;
But this to prove, your courtly dames I crave;
But this is what I ask of you, my refined ladies;
May judge the fact, when I'm convinc'd they'll find:
May judge the fact, when I'm convinced they'll find:
Like you, the youth will please all womankind;
Like you, the youth will charm all women;
And since so many sweets at once may cloy,
And since so many sweets at once might be overwhelming,
'Twere well to have a partner in your joy.
It would be good to have someone to share your happiness with.
THE king, surpris'd, expressed a wish to view
THE king, surprised, expressed a desire to see
This brother, form'd by lines so very true;
This brother, shaped by lines so very true;
We'll see, said he, if here his charms divine
We'll see, he said, if his divine charms are here.
Attract the heart of ev'ry nymph, like mine;
Attract the heart of every nymph, like mine;
And should success attend our am'rous lord,
And if our romantic leader finds success,
To you, my friend, full credit we'll accord.
To you, my friend, we give full credit.
AWAY the Roman flew, Joconde to get,
AWAY the Roman flew, Joconde to get,
(So nam'd was he in whom these features met;)
(So named was he in whom these traits came together;)
'Midst woods and lawns, retir'd from city strife,
'In the midst of woods and lawns, away from the hustle and bustle of the city,
And lately wedded to a beauteous wife;
And recently married to a beautiful wife;
If bless'd, I know not; but with such a fair,
If blessed, I don't know; but with such a beautiful,
On him must rest the folly to despair.
On him must rest the foolishness of despair.
THE Roman courtier came, his business told
THE Roman courtier arrived, and he conveyed his message.
The brilliant offers from the monarch bold;
The king's impressive offers are bold;
His mission had success, but still the youth
His mission was successful, but still the young man
Distraction felt, which 'gan to shake his truth;
Distraction was felt, which began to shake his truth;
A pow'rful monarch's favour there he view'd;
A powerful monarch's favor he saw;
A partner here, with melting tears bedew'd;
A partner here, with tears streaming down.
And while he wavered on the painful choice,
And as he hesitated over the tough decision,
She thus address'd her spouse with plaintive voice:
She then spoke to her partner with a sorrowful voice:
Original
CAN you, Joconde, so truly cruel prove,
CAN you, Joconde, be so truly cruel,
To quit my fervent love in courts to move?
To give up my passionate love for moving through the courts?
The promises of kings are airy dreams,
The promises of kings are empty dreams,
And scarcely last beyond the day's extremes
And hardly lasts beyond the day's extremes
By watchful, anxious care alone retain'd,
By careful, anxious attention alone kept,
And lost, through mere caprice, as soon as gain'd.
And lost, just by chance, as soon as it was gained.
If weary of my charms, alas! you feel,
If you're tired of my charms, oh no! you feel,
Still think, my love, what joys these woods conceal;
Still think, my love, about the joys these woods hide;
Here dwell around tranquillity and ease;
Here, peace and comfort thrive;
The streams' soft murmurs, and the balmy breeze,
The soft sounds of the streams and the gentle breeze,
Invite to sleep; these vales where breathe the doves,
Invite to sleep; these valleys where doves breathe,
All, all, my dear Joconde, renew our loves;
All, all, my dear Joconde, refresh our love;
You laugh!—Ah! cruel, go, expose thy charms,
You laugh!—Ah! how cruel, go, show off your charms,
Grim death will quickly spare me these alarms!
Grim death will soon relieve me of these worries!
JOCONDE'S reply our records ne'er relate,
JOCONDE'S reply is not recorded in our accounts,
Nor what he did, nor how he left his mate;
Nor what he did, nor how he left his partner;
And since contemp'raries decline the task;
And since contemporaries refuse the task;
'Twere folly, such details of me to ask.
It would be foolish to ask me for such details.
We're told, howe'er, when ready to depart,
We're told, however, when ready to leave,
With flowing tears she press'd him to her heart;
With flowing tears, she pressed him to her heart;
And on his arm a brilliant bracelet plac'd,
And on his arm he wore a shiny bracelet,
With hair around her picture nicely trac'd;
With her picture nicely framed by her hair;
This guard in full remembrance of my love,
This guard, fully aware of my love,
She cried;—then clasped her hands to pow'rs above.
She cried; then clasped her hands to the powers above.
TO see such dire distress, and poignant grief,
TO see such deep distress, and intense grief,
Might lead to think, soon death would bring relief;
Might lead to think, soon death would bring relief;
But I, who know full well the female mind,
But I, who completely understand the female mind,
At best oft doubt affliction of the kind.
At best, there's often doubt about that kind of suffering.
JOCONDE set out at length; but that same morn;
JOCONDE left early that morning; but that same morning;
As on he mov'd, his soul with anguish torn,
As he moved on, his soul was torn with anguish,
He found the picture he had quite forgot,
He found the picture he had completely forgotten.
Then turn'd his steed, and back began to trot.
Then he turned his horse and started to trot back.
While musing what excuse to make his mate,
While thinking about what excuse to make for his friend,
At home he soon arriv'd, and op'd the gate;
At home, he quickly arrived and opened the gate;
Alighted unobserv'd, ran up the stairs;
Alighted unnoticed, ran up the stairs;
And ent'ring to the lady unawares,
And entering to the lady unexpectedly,
He found this darling rib, so full of charms;
He found this lovely rib, so full of charm;
Intwin'd within a valet's brawny arms!
Intwined in a strong valet's arms!
'MIDST first emotions of the husband's ire;
'MIDST first feelings of the husband's anger;
To stab them while asleep he felt desire;
To stab them while they were asleep, he felt a strong urge;
Howe'er, he nothing did; the courteous wight;
However, he did nothing; the courteous guy;
In this dilemma, clearly acted right;
In this situation, it was clear that the right thing was done;
The less of such misfortunes said is best;
The less said about such misfortunes, the better;
'Twere well the soul of feeling to divest;
'Twas better for the soul to let go of feelings;
Their lives, through pity, or prudential care;
Their lives, either out of pity or sensible caution;
With much reluctance, he was led to spare;
With a lot of hesitation, he was allowed to spare;
Asleep he left the pair, for if awake,
Asleep, he left the couple, because if he were awake,
In honour, he a diff'rent step would take.—
In honor, he would take a different step.
Had any smart gallant supplied my place,
Had any clever gentleman taken my place,
Said he, I might put up with this disgrace;
Said he, I could tolerate this humiliation;
But naught consoles the thought of such a beast;
But nothing eases the thought of such a creature;
Dan Cupid wantons, or is blind at least;
Dan Cupid is playful, or at least he’s blind;
A bet, or some such whim, induc'd the god,
A bet, or some random impulse, tempted the god,
To give his sanction to amours so odd.
To allow such unusual relationships.
THIS perfidy Joconde so much dismay'd;
THIS betrayal left Joconde so upset;
His spirits droop'd, his lilies 'gan to fade;
His spirits dropped, his lilies started to fade;
No more he look'd the charmer he had been;
No longer did he look like the charmer he once was;
And when the court's gay dames his face had seen;
And when the court's cheerful ladies had seen his face;
They cried, Is this the beauty, we were told,
They cried, "Is this the beauty we were told about?"
Would captivate each heart, or young or old?
Would captivate everyone, young or old?
Why, he's the jaundice; ev'ry view displays
Why, he's the jealousy; every perspective shows
The mien of one,—just fasted forty days!
The look of someone who just fasted for forty days!
Original
WITH secret pleasure, this, Astolphus learn'd;
WITH secret pleasure, Astolphus learned this;
The Roman, for his brother, risks discern'd,
The Roman, for his brother, risks what he can see,
Whose secret griefs were carefully conceal'd,
Whose hidden sorrows were carefully kept,
(And these Joconde could never wish reveal'd;)
(And these Joconde could never wish to be revealed;)
Yet, spite of gloomy looks and hollow eyes,
Yet, despite gloomy expressions and vacant eyes,
His graceful features pierc'd the wan disguise,
His graceful features broke through the pale disguise,
Which fail'd to please, alone through want of life,
Which failed to please, just because it lacked life,
Destroy'd by thinking on a guilty wife.
Destroyed by thoughts of an unfaithful wife.
THE god of love, in pity to our swain,
THE god of love, feeling sorry for our shepherd,
At last revok'd BLACK CARE'S corroding reign;
At last, the damaging rule of BLACK CARE has been ended;
For, doubtless, in his views he oft was cross'd,
For sure, he often faced obstacles in his opinions,
While such a lover to the world was lost.
While such a lover was lost to the world.
THE hero of our tale, at length, we find
THE hero of our story, at last, we find
Was well rewarded: LOVE again proved kind;
Was well rewarded: LOVE once more showed its kindness;
For, musing as he walk'd alone one day,
For, thinking to himself while walking alone one day,
And pass'd a gall'ry, (held a secret way,)
And passed a gallery, (kept a hidden path,)
A voice in plaintive accents caught his ear,
A voice with a sad tone caught his attention,
And from the neighb'ring closet came, 'twas clear:
And from the nearby closet came, it was clear:
My dear Curtade, my only hope below,
My dear Curtade, my only hope here,
In vain I love;—you colder, colder grow;
In vain I love;—you become more and more distant;
While round no fair can boast so fine a face,
While no round can claim a face as beautiful,
And numbers wish they might supply thy place,
And numbers wish they could take your place,
Whilst thou with some gay page prefer'st a bet,
Whilst you prefer a bet with some cheerful companion,
Or game of dice with some low, vulgar set,
Or a game of dice with some cheap, crude group,
To meeting me alone; and when just now
To meet me alone; and just now
To thee I sent, with rage thou knit'st thy brow,
To you I sent, and with anger you furrowed your brow,
And Dorimene, with ev'ry curse abus'd
And Dorimene, with every curse insulted
Then played again, since better that amus'd,
Then played again, since it was more fun,
And left me here, as if not worth a thought,
And left me here, like I wasn’t worth considering,
Or thou didst scorn what I so fondly sought.
Or you did dismiss what I cherished so deeply.
ASTONISHMENT, at once, our Roman seiz'd;
ASTONISHMENT seized our Roman at once;
But who's the fair that thus her bosom eas'd?
But who is the beautiful one that has eased her heart like this?
Or, who's the gay Adonis, form'd to bless?
Or, who's the handsome guy, made to be adored?
You'd try a day, and not the secret guess,
You'd give it a shot for a day, not just the hidden guess,
The queen's the belle:—and, doubtless you will stare,
The queen is the star:—and, surely you will be surprised,
The king's own dwarf the idol of her care!
The king's own dwarf, the focus of her attention!
THE Roman saw a crevice in the wood,
THE Roman saw a crack in the wood,
Through which he took a peep from where he stood;
Through which he took a look from where he stood;
To Dorimene our lovers left the key,
To Dorimene, our lovers left the key,
Which she had dropt when lately forc'd to flee,
Which she had dropped when she was recently forced to flee,
And this Joconde pick'd up, a lucky hit,
And this painting of the Mona Lisa was a fortunate find,
Since he could use it when he best thought fit.
Since he could use it whenever he thought it was best.
It seems, said he, I'm not alone in name,
It seems, he said, I'm not the only one with this name,
And since a prince so handsome is the same,
And since a prince as handsome is the same,
Although a valet has supplied my place,
Although a valet has taken my spot,
Yet see, the queen prefers a dwarf's embrace.
Yet look, the queen chooses to be in the arms of a dwarf.
THIS thought consol'd so well,—his youthful rays
THIS thought comforted him so much,—his youthful rays
Returned, and e'en excelled his former days;
Returned, and even surpassed his previous days;
And those who lately ridicul'd his charms,
And those who recently mocked his charms,
Now anxious seem'd to revel in his arms
Now anxious seemed to enjoy being in his arms.
'Twas who could have him,—even prudes grew kind;—
'Twas who could have him,—even prudes became kind;—
By many belles Astolphus was resign'd;
By many beautiful women, Astolphus was given up;
Though still the king retain'd enough, 'twas seen;—
Though the king still had enough, it was clear;—
But now let us resume the dwarf and queen.
But now let's get back to the dwarf and queen.
OUR Roman, having satisfied his eyes,
OUR Roman, having satisfied his gaze,
At length withdrew, confounded by surprise.
At last, he withdrew, stunned by surprise.
Who follows courts, must oft with care conceal,
Who follows courts must often carefully conceal,
And scarcely know what sight and ears reveal.
And barely understand what we see and hear.
YET, by Joconde the king was lov'd so well,
YET, by Joconde, the king was loved so much,
What now he'd seen he greatly wish'd to tell;
What he had just seen, he really wanted to share;
But, since to princes full respect is due,
But, since princes deserve full respect,
And what concerns them, howsoever true,
And what matters to them, no matter how true,
If thought displeasing, should not be dispos'd
If a thought is unpleasant, it shouldn't be entertained.
In terms direct, but obviously dispos'd,
In direct terms, but obviously inclined,
To catch the mind, Joconde at ease detail'd,
To capture the mind, Joconde casually detailed,
From days of yore to those he now bewail'd,
From days long past to those he now mourned,
The names of emp'rors and of kings, whose brows,
The names of emperors and kings, whose brows,
By wily wives, were crown'd with leafless boughs!
By clever wives, were crowned with leafless branches!
And who, without repining, view'd their lot,
And who, without complaining, looked at their situation,
Nor bad made worse, but thought things best forgot.
Nor bad made worse, but thought it best to forget things.
E'en I, who now your majesty address,
E'en I, who now your majesty address,
Continued he, am sorry to confess,
Continued he, I'm sorry to admit,
The very day I left my native earth,
The very day I left my home,
To wait upon a prince of royal birth,
To serve a prince of royal lineage,
Was forced t'acknowledge cuckoldom among
Was forced to acknowledge cheating among
The gods who rule the matrimonial throng,
The gods who govern the marriage crowd,
And sacrifice thereto with aching heart
And sacrifice to it with a heavy heart
Cornuted heads dire torments oft impart:
Cornuted heads often cause great suffering:
THE tale he then detail'd, that rais'd his spleen;
THE story he then told, which made him angry;
And what within the closet he had seen;
And what he had seen in the closet;
The king replied, I will not be so rude,
The king replied, "I won’t be that rude."
To question what so clearly you have view'd;
To doubt what you've clearly seen;
Yet, since 'twere better full belief to gain,
Yet, since it would be better to gain complete belief,
A glimpse of such a fact I should obtain,
A glimpse of such a fact I should get,
Pray bring me thither; instantly our wight;
Pray, take me there right away; quickly, our person;
Astolphus led, where both his ears and sight
Astolphus led, where both his hearing and sight
Full proof receiv'd, which struck the prince with awe;
Full proof received, which amazed the prince;
Who stood amaz'd at what he heard and saw.
Who stood amazed at what he heard and saw.
But soon reflection's all-convincing pow'r
But soon reflection's convincing power
Induced the king vexation to devour;
Induced the king's anger to consume;
True courtier-like, who dire misfortunes braves,
True courtier, who faces dire misfortunes,
Feels sprouting horns, yet smiles at fools and knaves:
Feels horns starting to grow, yet smiles at fools and tricksters:
Our wives, said he, a pretty trick have play'd,
Our wives, he said, have pulled a pretty trick,
And shamefully the marriage bed betray'd;
And shamefully the marriage bed betrayed;
Let us the compliment return, my friend,
Let’s return the compliment, my friend,
And round the country our amours extend;
And across the country, our loves spread;
But, in our plan the better to succeed,
But in our plan to be more successful,
Our names we'll change; no servants we shall need;—
Our names will change; we won't need any servants;—
For your relation I desire to pass,
For your relationship, I want to move on,
So you'll true freedom use; then with a lass
So you'll really enjoy your freedom; then with a girl
We more at ease shall feel, more pleasure gain;
We will feel more at ease and gain more pleasure;
Than if attended by my usual train.
Than if I had my usual group with me.
JOCONDE with joy the king's proposal heard;
JOCONDE heard the king's proposal with joy;
On which the latter with his friend conferr'd;
On which the latter talked it over with his friend;
Said he, 'twere surely right to have a book,
Said he, "It would definitely be right to have a book,
In which to place the names of those we hook,
In which to list the names of those we catch,
The whole arrang'd according to their rank,
The whole organized according to their rank,
And I'll engage no page remains a blank,
And I won't let any page stay blank,
But ere we leave the range of our design,
But before we finish our purpose,
E'en scrup'lous dames shall to our wish incline,
Even scrupulous ladies will be inclined to our wishes,
Our persons handsome, with engaging air,
Our people are attractive, with a charming vibe,
And sprightly, brilliant wit no trifling share,—
And lively, sharp wit not a small amount,—
'Twere strange, possessing such engaging charms,
'Twas strange, having such captivating charm,
They should not tumble freely in our arms.
They shouldn't fall freely into our arms.
THE baggage ready, and the paper-book,
THE luggage is packed and the paper book,
our smart gallants the road together took,
our clever guys took the road together,
But 'twould be vain to number their amours;
But it would be pointless to count their affairs;
With beauties, Cupid favoured them by scores;
With beauties, Cupid favored them by the dozens;
Blessed, if only seen by either swain,
Blessed, if only seen by either lover,
And doubly bless'd who could attention gain:
And doubly blessed are those who can capture attention:
Nor wife of alderman, nor wife of mayor,
Nor the wife of an alderman, nor the wife of a mayor,
Of justice, nor of governor was there,
Of justice, nor of a governor was there,
Who did not anxiously desire her name
Who didn’t eagerly want to know her name?
Might straight be entered in the book of fame!
Might be directly included in the book of fame!
Hearts, which before were thought as cold as ice,
Hearts, which were once considered as cold as ice,
Now warm'd at once and melted in a trice.
Now warmed up and melted instantly.
SOME infidel, I fancy, in my ear
SOME infidel, I guess, in my ear
Would whisper-probabilities, I fear,
Would whisper probabilities, I fear,
Are rather wanting to support the fact;
Are rather wanting to support the fact;
However perfectly gallants may act,
However perfectly gentlemen may act,
To gain a heart requires full many a day
To win someone's heart takes a lot of time.
If more be requisite I cannot say;
If more is needed, I can't say;
'Tis not my plan to dupe or young or old,
'Tis not my plan to deceive either the young or the old,
But such to me, howe'er the tale is told,
But to me, however the story is told,
And Ariosto never truth forsakes;
And Ariosto never abandons truth;
Yet, if at ev'ry step a writer takes,
Yet, if at every step a writer takes,
He's closely question'd as to time and place,
He's closely questioned about the time and location,
He ne'er can end his work with easy grace.
He can never finish his work with ease or style.
To those, from whom just credence I receive,
To those from whom I receive genuine trust,
Their tales I promise fully to believe.
I promise to completely believe their stories.
AT length, when our advent'rers round had play'd,
AT last, when our adventurers had finished playing,
And danc'd with ev'ry widow, wife, and maid,
And danced with every widow, wife, and maid,
The full blown lily and the tender rose,
The fully bloomed lily and the delicate rose,
Astolphus said, though clearly I suppose,
Astolphus said, though clearly I guess,
We can as many hearts securely link,
We can securely connect as many hearts as we want,
As e'er we like, yet better now, I think,
As we always like, but I think it's even better now,
To stop a while in some delightful spot,
To take a break in a beautiful place,
And that before satiety we've got;
And before satisfaction, we have;
For true it is, with love as with our meat;
For it's true, love is like our food;
If we, variety of dishes eat,
If we eat a variety of dishes,
The doctors tell us inj'ry will ensue,
The doctors tell us injury will happen,
And too much raking none can well pursue.
And no one can really keep up with too much raking.
Let us some pleasing fair-one then engage,
Let’s have a lovely conversation with someone beautiful, then.
To serve us both:—enough she'll prove I'll wage.
To benefit us both:—she'll prove to be enough, I guarantee.
JOCONDE at once replied, with all my heart,
JOCONDE immediately replied, "with all my heart,"
And I a lady know who'll take the part;
And I know a lady who will play that role;
She's beautiful; possesses store of wit;
She's gorgeous and has a lot of wit;
And is the wife of one above a cit.
And is the wife of someone who is above a city.
WITH such to meddle would be indiscreet,
WITH such to meddle would be inappropriate,
Replied the king, more charms we often meet,
Replied the king, we often encounter more charms,
Beneath a chambermaid or laundress' dress,
Beneath a maid's or laundry worker's dress,
Than any rich coquette can well possess.
Than any wealthy flirt could possibly have.
Besides, with those, less form is oft requir'd,
Besides, with those, less structure is often needed,
While dames of quality must be admir'd;
While women of high status must be admired;
Their whims complied with, though suspicions rise;
Their requests were met, even though doubts grew;
And ev'ry hour produces fresh surprise,
And every hour brings a new surprise,
But this sweet charmer of inferior birth
But this charming person of lower status
A treasure proves; a source of bliss on earth.
A treasure shows; a source of happiness on earth.
No trouble she to carry here nor there;
No trouble for her to carry it here or there;
No balls she visits, and requires no care;
No parties she attends, and needs no attention;
The conquest easy, we may talk or not;
The conquest was easy, we can talk or not;
The only difficulty we have got,
The only difficulty we have is,
Is how to find one, we may faithful view;
Is how to find one, we may faithful view;
So let us choose a girl, to love quite new.
So let’s pick a girl to love who’s brand new.
SINCE these, replied the YOUTH, your thoughts appear,
SINCE these, replied the YOUTH, your thoughts seem,
What think you of our landlord's daughter here?
What do you think of our landlord's daughter here?
That she's a perfect virgin I've no doubt,
That she's definitely a perfect virgin, I have no doubt,
Nor can we find a chaster round about;
Nor can we find a more modest one around;
Her very doll more innocent won't prove,
Her doll won't be proven more innocent.
Than this sweet nymph design'd with us to move.
Than this sweet nymph intended to join us.
THE scheme our prince's approbation met;
THE plan received our prince's approval;
The very girl, said he, I wish'd to get;
The exact girl I wanted to be with, he said;
This night be our attack; and if her heart
This night is our chance to strike; and if her heart
Surrenders when our wishes we impart,
Surrenders when we share our wishes,
But one perplexity will then remain;
But one question will still remain;
'Tis who her virgin favours shall obtain?
'Who will win her virgin favors?'
The honour 's all a whim, and I, as king,
The honor is just a fancy idea, and I, as king,
At once assuredly should claim this thing:
At once, this should confidently claim:
The rest 'tis very easy to arrange;
The rest is very easy to handle;
As matters suit we presently can change.
As things happen, we can change right now.
IF ceremony 'twere, Joconde replied,
If it were a ceremony, Joconde replied,
All cavil then we quickly could decide;
All arguments we could quickly settle;
Precedence would no doubt with you remain:
Precedence would undoubtedly stay with you:
But this is quite another case 'tis plain;
But this is a completely different situation, clearly;
And equity demands that we agree,
And fairness requires that we agree,
By lot to settle which the man shall be.
By drawing lots to decide who the man will be.
THE noble youths no arguments would spare,
THE noble youths spared no arguments,
And each contended for the spoiler's care;
And each argued for the attention of the spoiler;
Howe'er Joconde obtained the lucky hit,
Howe'er Joconde got the lucky break,
And first embrac'd this fancied dainty bit.
And first embraced this imagined delicacy.
THE girl who was the noble rival's aim,
THE girl who was the noble rival's goal,
That ev'ning to the room for something came;
That evening, something came into the room;
Our heroes gave her instantly a chair,
Our heroes quickly gave her a chair,
And lavished praises on her face and hair;
And showered her with compliments about her face and hair;
A diamond ring soon sparkled in her eyes;
A diamond ring quickly sparkled in her eyes;
Its pleasing pow'rs at sight obtain'd the prize.
Its appealing powers at first glance won the prize.
THE bargain made, she, in the dead of night,
THE bargain made, she, in the dead of night,
When silence reign'd and all was void of light,
When silence reigned and everything was devoid of light,
With careful steps their anxious wish obey'd,
With cautious steps, they followed their anxious desire,
And 'tween them both, she presently was laid;
And between them both, she was soon laid down;
'Twas Paradise they thought, where all is nice,
'Twas Paradise they thought, where everything is great,
And our young spark believ'd he broke the ice.
And our young guy thought he made a connection.
THE folly I forgive him;—'tis in vain
THE foolishness I forgive him;—it's pointless
On this to reason—idle to complain;
On this to reason—it's pointless to complain;
The WISE have oft been dup'd it is confest,
The WISE have often been fooled, it's true,
And Solomon it seems among the rest.
And Solomon seems to be among the others.
But gay Joconde felt nothing of the kind,
But gay Joconde felt nothing like that,
A secret pleasure glow'd within his mind;
A hidden joy glowed in his mind;
He thought Astolphus wond'rous bliss had missed,
He thought Astolphus had missed incredible happiness,
And that himself alone the fair had kiss'd;
And that he alone had kissed the beautiful one;
A clod howe'er, who liv'd within the place,
A clod, however, who lived in the area,
Had, prior to the Roman, her embrace.
Had, before the Roman, her embrace.
THE soft amour extended through the night,
THE soft love extended through the night,
The girl was pleas'd, and all proceeded right;
The girl was pleased, and everything went well;
The foll'wing night, the next, 'twas still the same;
The following night, the next, it was still the same;
Young Clod at length her coldness 'gan to blame;
Young Clod eventually started to blame her coldness;
And as he felt suspicious of the act,
And as he grew suspicious of the act,
He watch'd her steps and verified the fact:
He watched her steps and confirmed the fact:
A quarrel instantly between them rose;
A fight quickly broke out between them;
Howe'er the fair, his anger to compose,
However, to calm his anger, the beautiful one,
And favour not to lose, on honour vow'd,
And don't risk losing what you promised to honor,
That when the sparks were gone, and time allow'd,
That when the sparks were gone, and time permitted,
She would oblige his craving, fierce desire;—
She would satisfy his craving, intense desire;—
To which the village lad replied with ire:—
To which the village boy replied angrily:—
Pray what care I for any tavern guest,
Pray what do I care about any tavern guest,
Of either sex; to you I now protest,
Of either gender; I now declare to you,
If I be not indulg'd this very night,
If I'm not allowed this very night,
I'll publish your amours in mere despite.
I'll publish your affairs just to spite you.
HOW can we manage it, replied the belle,
HOW can we handle it, replied the beauty,
I'm quite distressed—indeed the truth to tell,
I'm pretty upset—honestly, the truth is,
I've promis'd them this night to come again,
I've promised them I'd come back tonight,
And if I fail, no doubt can then remain,
And if I fail, there will be no doubt left,
But I shall lose the ring, their pledg'd reward,
But I’ll lose the ring, their promised reward,
Which would, you know for me, be very hard.
Which would, you know, be really tough for me.
TO you I wish the ring, replied young Clod,
TO you I wish the ring, replied young Clod,
But do they sleep in bed, or only nod?
But do they sleep in a bed, or just doze off?
Tell me, pray; oh, said she, they sleep most sound;
Tell me, please; oh, she said, they sleep very soundly;
But then between them plac'd shall I be found,
But then I will be found placed between them,
And while the one amidst Love's frolicks sports,
And while the one in Love's playful moments enjoys,
The other quiet lies, or Morpheus courts.
The other quiet lies, or Morpheus's courts.
On hearing this the rustick lad proposed,
On hearing this, the country boy suggested,
To visit her when others' eyes were closed.
To see her when no one else was watching.
Oh! never risk it, quickly she replied;
Oh! never risk it, she quickly replied;
'Twere folly to attempt it by their side.
'It would be foolish to try it by their side.
He answer'd, never fear, but only leave
He answered, "Don’t worry, just leave
The door ajar, and me they'll not perceive.
The door is slightly open, and they won't notice me.
THE door she left exactly as he said;
THE door she left exactly as he said;
The spark arriv'd, and then approach'd the bed,
The spark arrived and then came closer to the bed,
('Twas near the foot,) then 'tween the sheets he slid,
('Twas near the foot,) then he slid between the sheets,
But God knows how he lay, or what he did.
But only God knows how he lay, or what he did.
Astolphus and Joconde ne'er smelt a rat,
Astolphus and Joconde never suspected a thing,
Nor ever dreamt of what their girl was at,
Nor did they ever dream of what their girl was up to,
At length when each had turn'd and op'd his eyes,
At last, when everyone had turned and opened their eyes,
Continual movement fill'd him with surprise.
Continual movement filled him with surprise.
The monarch softly said:—why how is this?
The monarch softly said, "What is going on here?"
My friend has eaten something, for in bliss,
My friend has eaten something because he’s so happy,
He revels on, and truly much I fear,
He continues to enjoy himself, and honestly, I’m quite worried.
His health will show, it may be bought too dear.
His health will be evident; it might be bought at too high a price.
THIS very sentiment Joconde bethought;
Joconde thought this sentiment;
But Clod a breathing moment having caught,
But Clod, having caught a brief moment of breath,
Resum'd his fun, and that so oft would seek:
Resumed his fun, and that so often would seek:
He gratified his wishes for a week;
He fulfilled his desires for a week;
Then watching carefully, he found once more;
Then, watching closely, he discovered once again;
Our noble heroes had begun to snore,
Our brave heroes had started to snore,
On which he slyly took himself away,
On which he quietly slipped away,
The road he came, and ere 'twas break of day;
The road he took, and before it was dawn;
The girl soon follow'd, since she justly fear'd,
The girl soon followed, since she justly feared,
Still more fatigues:—so off she quickly steer'd,
Still more exhaustion:—so she quickly set off,
AT length when both the nobles were awake;
AT last when both the nobles were awake;
Astolphus said, my friend you rest should take,
Astolphus said, "My friend, you should take a break."
'Twere better till to-morrow keep in bed,
'Tis better to stay in bed until tomorrow,
Since sleep, with such fatigues, of course has fled:
Since sleep, exhausted from all the fatigue, has obviously left:
You talk at random, cried the Roman youth;
You’re just talking nonsense, shouted the Roman youth;
More rest I fancy you require in truth;
I think you really need more rest;
You've led a pretty life throughout the night;
You've lived a good life throughout the night;
I? said the king; why I was weary quite,
I? said the king; I was completely exhausted,
So long I waited; you no respite gave,
So long I waited; you gave me no break,
But wholly seem'd our little nymph t' enslave;
But completely seemed our little nymph to enslave;
At length to try if I from rage could keep,
At last, to see if I could hold back my anger,
I turn'd my back once more, and went to sleep.
I turned my back once more and went to sleep.
If you had willingly the belle resign'd,
If you had willingly let the beautiful one go,
I was, my friend, to take a turn inclin'd;
I was, my friend, about to take a turn;
That had sufficed for me, since I, like you,
That was enough for me, since I, like you,
Perpetual motion never can pursue.
Perpetual motion can't be achieved.
Original
YOUR raillery, the Roman youth replied,
YOUR teasing, the Roman youth replied,
Quite disconcerted, pray now lay aside,
Quite confused, please set aside now,
And talk of something else; you've fully shown,
And let's discuss something different; you've completely demonstrated,
That I'm your vassal, and since you are grown
That I'm your servant, and since you've grown
So fond that you to keep the girl desire,
So eager are you to hold on to the girl you desire,
E'en wholly to yourself, why I'll retire;
Even completely to yourself, I will step back;
Do with her what you please, and we shall see,
Do whatever you want with her, and we'll see.
How long this furor will with you agree.
How long will this excitement last for you?
IT may, replied the king, for ever last,
IT may, replied the king, last forever,
If ev'ry night like this, I'm doom'd to fast.
If every night is like this, I’m doomed to starve.
SIRE, said Joconde, no longer let us thus,
SIRE, said Joconde, let's not continue like this,
In terms of playful raillery discuss;
In a lighthearted way, let's talk about it;
Since such your pleasure, send me from your view;
Since that's what you want, take me out of your sight;
On this the youthful monarch angry grew,
On this, the young king became angry,
And many words between the friends arose;
And many words came up between the friends;
The presence of the nymph Astolphus chose;
The presence of the nymph Astolphus selected;
To her they said, between us judge, sweet fair,
To her they said, between us judge, sweet and lovely,
And every thing was stated then with care.
And everything was explained carefully then.
THE girl with blushing cheeks before them kneel'd,
THE girl with blushing cheeks before them knelt,
And the mysterious tale at once reveal'd.
And the mysterious story was revealed at once.
Our heroes laugh'd; the treach'ry vile excus'd;
Our heroes laughed; the vile betrayal was excused;
And gave the ring, which much delight diffus'd;
And gave the ring, which filled everyone with joy;
Together with a handsome sum of gold,
Together with a substantial amount of gold,
Which soon a husband in her train enroll'd,
Which soon a husband in her group signed up,
Who, for a maid, the pretty fair-one took;
Who, for a girl, the pretty blonde took;
And then our heroes wand'ring pranks forsook,
And then our heroes abandoned their wandering antics,
With laurels cover'd, which in future times,
With laurels covering, which in the future,
Will make them famous through the Western climes;
Will make them famous across the Western regions;
More glorious since, they only cost, we find,
More glorious since they only cost, we find,
Those sweet ATTENTIONS pleasing to the MIND.
Those sweet attentions that delight the mind.
So many conquests proud of having made,
So many proud achievements made,
And over full the BOOK of—those who'd play'd;
And over filled the BOOK of—those who had played;
Said gay Astolphus we will now, my friend,
Said our upbeat friend Astolphus,
Return the shortest road and poaching end;
Return the shortest road and poaching end;
If false our mates, yet we'll console ourselves,
If our friends let us down, we'll still comfort ourselves,
That many others have inconstant elves.
That many others have unreliable elves.
Perhaps, in things a change will be one day,
Maybe someday things will change.
And only tender flames LOVE'S torch display;
And only gentle flames display LOVE'S torch;
But now it seems some evil star presides,
But now it feels like some bad luck is in charge,
And Hymen's flock the devil surely rides.
And Hymen's group is definitely being led by the devil.
Besides, vile fiends the universe pervade,
Besides, wicked creatures fill the universe,
Whose constant aim is mortals to degrade,
Whose constant goal is to bring down humanity,
And cheat us to our noses if they can,
And deceive us to our faces if they can,
(Hell's imps in human shape, disgrace to man!)
(Hell's imps in human form, shameful to humanity!)
Perhaps these wretches have bewitch'd our wives,
Perhaps these wretches have enchanted our wives,
And made us fancy errors in their lives.
And made us imagine mistakes in their lives.
Then let us like good citizens, our days
Then let us, as good citizens, spend our days
In future pass amidst domestick ways;
In the future, move through everyday life;
Our absence may indeed restore their hearts,
Our absence might truly heal their hearts,
For jealousy oft virtuous truths imparts.
For jealousy often reveals true virtues.
IN this Astolphus certainly believ'd;
Astolphus definitely believed this;
The friends return'd, and kindly were receiv'd;
The friends returned and were warmly welcomed;
A little scolding first assail'd the ear;
A little scolding first attacked the ear;
But blissful kisses banish'd ev'ry fear.
But joyful kisses drove away every fear.
To balls and banquets ALL themselves resigned;
To parties and feasts, everyone gave themselves up;
Of dwarf or valet nothing more we find;
Of dwarf or servant, there's nothing more we find;
Each with his wife contentedly remained:—
Each of them happily stayed with his wife:—
'Tis thus alone true happiness is gained.
True happiness is found in this way alone.
THE CUDGELLED AND
CONTENTED CUCKOLD
Original
SOME time ago from Rome, in smart array,
SOME time ago from Rome, in stylish attire,
A younger brother homeward bent his way,
A younger brother made his way home,
Not much improved, as frequently the case
Not much improved, as often happens.
With those who travel to that famous place.
With those who visit that famous place.
Upon the road oft finding, where he stayed,
Upon the road often finding, where he stayed,
Delightful wines, and handsome belle or maid,
Delightful wines, and attractive beauty or girl,
With careless ease he loitered up and down.—
With casual ease, he wandered back and forth.—
One day there passed him in a country town,
One day, he was passing through a small town,
Attended by a page, a lady fair,
Attended by a page, a beautiful lady,
Whose charming form and all-engaging air,
Whose charming presence and captivating vibe,
At once his bosom fired with fond desire;
At once, his heart burned with affectionate longing;
And nearer still, her beauties to admire.
And even closer, her beauty to appreciate.
He most gallantly saw her safely home;
He bravely escorted her home safely;
Attentions charm the sex where'er we roam.
Attentions attract the opposite sex wherever we go.
OUR thoughtless rambler pleasures always sought:
OUR thoughtless wandering pleasures always pursued:
From Rome this spark had num'rous pardons brought;
From Rome, this spark had brought numerous pardons;
But,—as to virtues (this too oft we find),
But—as for virtues (this we often find),
He'd left them,—with his HOLINESS behind!
He had left them—with his holiness left behind!
THE lady was, by ev'ry one, confessed,
THE lady was, by everyone, acknowledged,
Of beauty, youth, and elegance possessed;
Of beauty, youth, and elegance held;
She wanted naught to form her bliss below,
She wanted nothing to create her happiness here.
But one whose love would ever fondly flow.
But someone whose love would always warmly flow.
INDEED so fickle proved this giddy youth,
INDEED so fickle proved this giddy youth,
That nothing long would please his heart or tooth;
That nothing lasting would satisfy his heart or taste;
Howe'er he earnestly inquired her name,
However, he seriously asked for her name,
And ev'ry other circumstance the same.
And every other circumstance is the same.
She's lady, they replied, to great 'squire Good,
She's a lady, they replied, to the great squire Good,
Who's almost bald from age 'tis understood;
Who's nearly bald from old age, it seems;
But as he's rich, and high in rank appears,
But since he’s wealthy and has a high status,
Why that's a recompense you know for years.
Why, that's a reward you know for years.
THESE facts our young gallant no sooner gained,
THESE facts our young hero quickly learned,
But ardent hopes at once he entertained;
But he immediately had passionate hopes;
To wily plots his mind he quickly bent,
To clever schemes his mind quickly turned,
And to a neighb'ring town his servants sent;
And sent his servants to a nearby town;
Then, at the house where dwelled our noble 'squire,
Then, at the house where our noble squire lived,
His humble services proposed for hire.
His modest services are available for hire.
PRETENDING ev'ry sort of work he knew,
PRETENDING to know every kind of work he could,
He soon a fav'rite with old Square-toes grew,
He quickly became a favorite of old Square-toes,
Who (first advising with his charming mate),
Who (first chatting with his charming partner),
Chief falc'ner made him o'er his fine estate.
Chief falconer took control of his impressive estate.
THE new domestick much the lady pleased;
THE new housekeeper pleased the lady quite a bit;
He watched and eagerly the moment seized,
He watched and eagerly seized the moment,
His ardent passion boldly to declare,
His intense passion to declare boldly,
In which he showed a novice had no share.
In which he showed a beginner had no part.
'TWAS managed well, for nothing but the chase,
'Twas managed well, for nothing but the chase,
Could Square-toes tempt to quit her fond embrace,
Could Square-toes be tempted to leave her loving embrace,
And then our falc'ner must his steps attend:—
And then our falconer must pay attention to his steps:—
The very time he wished at home to spend.
The very moment he wanted to spend at home.
The lady similar emotions showed;
The lady showed similar emotions;
For opportunity their bosoms glowed;
For opportunity, their hearts glowed;
And who will feel in argument so bold,
And who will be so bold in debate,
When this I say, the contrary to hold?
When I say this, do I contradict myself?
At length with pity Cupid saw the case,
At last, with compassion, Cupid observed the situation,
And kindly lent his aid to their embrace.
And generously offered his help for their embrace.
ONE night the lady said, with eager eyes,
ONE night the lady said, with eager eyes,
My dear, among our servants, which d'ye prize,
My dear, among our servants, which do you value,
For moral conduct most and upright heart?
For moral behavior, is it mainly about having a good heart?
To this her spouse replied, the faithful part
To this, her spouse replied, the faithful part
Is with the falc'ner found, I must decide:
Is with the falconer found, I must decide:
To him my life I'd readily confide.
To him, I would easily share my life.
THEN you are wrong, said she,—most truly so,
THEN you are wrong, she said—most definitely so,
For he's a good-for-nothing wretch I know;
For he's a worthless loser I know;
You'll scarcely credit it, but t'other day,
You'll hardly believe it, but the other day,
He had the barefaced impudence to say,
He had the boldness to say,
He loved me much, and then his passion pressed:
He loved me deeply, and then his passion intensified:
I'd nearly fallen, I was so distressed.
I'd almost fallen, I was so upset.
To tear his eyes out, I designed at first,
To rip his eyes out, I initially planned,
And e'en to choke this wretch, of knaves the worst;
And even to choke this miserable person, of all the thieves the worst;
By prudence solely was I then restrained,
By caution alone was I then held back,
For fear the world should think his point was gained.
For fear that the world would think he succeeded.
THE better then to prove his dark intent,
THE better then to prove his dark intent,
I feigned an inclination to consent,
I pretended I was willing to agree,
And in the garden, promised as to-night,
And in the garden, promised for tonight,
I'd near the pear-tree meet this roguish wight.
I'd almost meet this tricky guy near the pear tree.
Said I, my husband never moves from hence;
Said I, my husband never leaves this place;
No jealous fancy, but to show the sense
No jealous imagination, but to demonstrate the understanding
He entertains of my pure, virtuous life,
He talks about my pure, virtuous life,
And fond affection for a loving wife.
And deep love for a caring wife.
Thus circumstanced, your wishes see are vain,
Thus situated, your wishes seem useless,
Unless when he's asleep a march I gain,
Unless he's asleep, I can make some progress.
And softly stealing from his torpid side,
And gently slipping away from his sluggish side,
With trembling steps I, to my lover, glide.
With trembling steps, I glide to my lover.
So things remain, my dear; an odd affair:—
So things stay the same, my dear; a strange situation:—
On this Square-toes 'gan to curse and swear;
On this Square-toes started to curse and swear;
But his fond rib most earnestly besought,
But his dear friend most sincerely pleaded,
His rage to stifle, as she clearly thought,
His anger to suppress, as she clearly believed,
He might in person, if he'd take the pain,
He might show up in person if he bothered to put in the effort,
Secure the rascal and redress obtain
Secure the troublemaker and seek justice.
You know, said she, the tree is near the door,
You know, she said, the tree is close to the door,
Upon the left and bears of fruit great store;
Upon the left and bears a lot of fruit;
But if I may my sentiments express,
But if I may share my feelings,
In cap and petticoats you'd best to dress;
In a cap and petticoat, you better dress;
His insolence is great, and you'll be right,
His arrogance is huge, and you’ll be correct,
To give your strokes with double force to night;
To give your strokes double the impact tonight;
Well work his back; flat lay him on the ground:—
Well, work his back; lay him flat on the ground:—
A rascal! honourable ladies round,
A scoundrel! honorable ladies around,
No doubt he many times has served the same;
No doubt he has served the same many times.
'Tis such impostors characters defame.
It's such impostors that defame characters.
To rouse his wrath the story quite sufficed;
To raise his anger, the story was enough;
The spouse resolved to do as she advised.
The wife decided to follow her advice.
Howe'er to dupe him was an easy lot;
However, deceiving him was an easy task;
The hour arrived, his dress he soon had got,
The hour came, and he quickly got dressed.
Away he ran with anxious fond delight.
Away he ran with eager, joyful anticipation.
In hopes the wily spark to trap that night.
In hopes of catching that elusive spark that night.
But no one there our easy fool could see,
But no one there could see our easy fool,
And while he waited near the fav'rite tree,
And while he waited near the favorite tree,
Half dead with cold, the falc'ner slyly stole,
Half dead from the cold, the falconer slyly stole,
To her who had so well contrived the whole;
To her who had planned it all so well;
Time, place, and disposition, all combined
Time, place, and mood, all together
The loving pair to mutual joys resigned.
The loving couple accepted their shared happiness.
When our expert gallant had with the dame,
When our charming expert was with the lady,
An hour or more indulged his ardent flame,
An hour or more fueled his passionate desire,
Though forced at length to quit the loving lass,
Though eventually forced to leave the affectionate girl,
'Twas not without the favourite parting glass;
'Twas not without the favorite farewell drink;
He then the garden sought, where long the 'squire,
He then went to the garden, where the squire had long been,
Upon the knave had wished to vent his ire.
Upon the guy had wished to vent his anger.
Original
NO sooner he the silly husband spied,
NO sooner he the silly husband spied,
But feigning 'twas the wily wife he eyed,
But pretending it was the cunning wife he was watching,
At once he cried,—ah, vilest of the sex!
At once he shouted, — ah, the worst of the gender!
Are these thy tricks, so good a man to vex?
Are these your tricks, to annoy such a good man?
Oh shame upon thee! thus to treat his love,
Oh, shame on you! This is how you treat his love,
As pure as snow, descending from above.
As pure as snow, falling from above.
I could not think thou hadst so base a heart,
I could not believe you had such a lowly heart,
But clear it is, thou need'st a friendly part,
But it’s clear you need a friendly role,
And that I'll act: I asked this rendezvous
And that’s what I’ll do: I requested this meeting.
With full intent to see if thou wert true;
With full intent to see if you were genuine;
And, God be praised, without a loose design,
And, thank God, without a careless plan,
To plunge in luxuries pronounced divine.
To dive into luxuries considered heavenly.
Protect me Heav'n! poor sinner that I'm here!
Protect me, Heaven! What a poor sinner I am to be here!
To guard thy honour I will persevere.
To protect your honor, I will keep going.
My worthy master could I thus disgrace?
My respected master, could I really humiliate you like this?
Thou wanton baggage with unblushing face,
You shameless girl with your bold face,
Thee on the spot I'll instantly chastise,
Thee on the spot I'll instantly chastise,
And then thy husband of the fact advise.
And then inform your husband of the situation.
THE fierce harangue o'er Square-toes pleasure spread,
THE fierce speech over Square-toes' enjoyment spread,
Who, mutt'ring 'tween his teeth, with fervour said:
Who, muttering between his teeth, said passionately:
O gracious Lord! to thee my thanks are due—
O gracious Lord! My thanks are due to you—
To have a wife so chaste—a man so true!
To have a wife who is so pure—a man who is so loyal!
But presently he felt upon his back
But right now he felt on his back
The falc'ner's cudgel vigorously thwack,
The falconer's stick vigorously thwacks,
Who soundly basted him as on he ran,
Who thoroughly scolded him as he ran,
To gain the house, with terror, pale and wan.
To earn the house, filled with fear, pale and weak.
THE squire had wished his trusty man, no doubt,
THE squire had certainly hoped for his loyal servant,
Had not, at cudgelling, been quite so stout;
Hadn't, in the beating, been quite so tough;
But since he showed himself so true a friend,
But since he proved to be such a loyal friend,
And with his actions could such prudence blend,
And with his actions could such wisdom mix,
The master fully pardoned what he knew,
The master completely forgave what he understood,
And quickly to his wife in bed he flew,
And he quickly flew to his wife in bed,
When he related every thing that passed
When he shared everything that happened
Were we, cried he, a hundred years to last,
Were we, he exclaimed, to last a hundred years,
My lovely dear, we ne'er on earth could find
My lovely dear, we will never find on earth
A man so faithful, and so well inclined.
A man who is so loyal and so well-disposed.
I'd have him take within our town a wife,
I'd have him marry someone from our town,
And you and I'll regard him during life.
And you and I will think about him throughout our lives.
In that, replied the lady, we agree,
In that, the lady replied, we agree,
And heartily thereto I pledged will be.
And I sincerely promise to do so.
THE HUSBAND-CONFESSOR
Original
WHEN Francis (named the first) o'er Frenchmen reign'd,
WHEN Francis, the First, ruled over the French,
In Italy young Arthur laurels gained,
In Italy, young Arthur earned his laurels,
And oft such daring valour showed in fight,
And often such bold bravery was displayed in battle,
With ev'ry honour he was made a knight;
With every honor, he was made a knight;
The monarch placed the spur upon his heel,
The king put the spur on his heel,
That all around his proper worth might feel.
That everyone around him could recognize his true value.
Then household deities at home he sought,
Then he looked for the household gods at home,
Where—not at prayers his beauteous dame he caught:
Where—he didn’t catch sight of his beautiful lady during prayers:
He'd left her, truly, quite dissolv'd in tears;
He had left her completely in tears;
But now the belle had bid adieu to fears;
But now the beauty had said goodbye to her fears;
And oft was dancing joyously around,
And often danced happily around,
With all the company that could be found.
With all the company that could be found.
GALLANTS in crowds Sir Arthur soon perceived;
GALLANTS in crowds Sir Arthur quickly noticed;
At sight of these the knight was sorely grieved;
At the sight of these, the knight was deeply upset;
And, turning in his mind how best to act;
And, thinking about the best way to act;
Cried he, Can this be truly held a fact,
Cried he, Can this really be considered a fact,
That I've been worthy while I'd fame in view,
That I've been worthy while I had fame in sight,
Of cuckoldom at home, and knighthood too?
Of being cheated on at home, and being a knight too?
It ought to be but half:—the truth let's know;
It should only be half:—let's know the truth;
From constancy the purest blessings flow.
From consistency, the purest blessings come.
Then like a father-confessor he dressed,
Then, like a confessor, he got dressed,
And took his seat where priests their flock confessed.
And sat down where priests heard their congregation's confessions.
His lady absolution sought that day,
His lady sought forgiveness that day,
And on her knees before him 'gan to pray;
And on her knees before him began to pray;
The minor sins were told with downcast eyes,
The little sins were shared with downcast eyes,
And then for hearing those of larger size,
And then for hearing those that are larger,
The husband-confessor prepared his ears:—
The husband-confessor got ready:—
Said she, Good father, ('mid a flood of tears),
Said she, "Good father," (with tears streaming down her face),
My bed receives, (the fault I fear's not slight,)
My bed welcomes, (the fault I worry about isn't small,)
A gentleman, a parson, and a knight.
A gentleman, a pastor, and a knight.
Still more had followed, but, by rage o'ercome,
Still more had followed, but, overcome by rage,
Sir Arthur cut the thread, and she was mum;
Sir Arthur cut the thread, and she was silent;
Though, doubtless, had the fair been let proceed,
Though, no doubt, if the fair had gone ahead,
Quite long her Litany had been decreed.
Quite a long time had passed since her Litany was declared.
Original
THe husband, in a rage, exclaimed, thou jade,
The husband, in a rage, exclaimed, "You jade!"
A parson, say'st thou? t'whom dost think thou'st made
A pastor, you say? Who do you think you've made
This curst confession?—To my spouse, cried she,
This cursed confession?—To my partner, she shouted,
I saw you enter here, and came with glee,
I saw you walk in here, and I came in with joy,
Supposing you'd a trick to raise surprise;
Supposing you had a trick to create surprise;
Howe'er 'tis strange that one so very wise,
How strange it is that someone so very wise,
The riddle should not fully comprehend:—
The riddle should not be fully understood:—
A KNIGHT, the king created you, my friend;
A KNIGHT, the king made you, my friend;
A GENTLEMAN, your rank was long ago;
A GENTLEMAN, your status was established long ago;
A PARSON, you have made yourself you know.
A PARSON, you've made yourself, you know.
Goon heav'ns! exclaimed the knight, 'tis very clear,
Gosh! exclaimed the knight, 'it’s very clear,
And I a blockhead surely must appear.
And I must look like a complete fool.
THE COBBLER
WE'RE told, that once a cobbler, BLASE by name;
WE'RE told that there once was a cobbler named BLASE;
A wife had got, whose charms so high in fame;
A wife had gotten, whose beauty was so well-known;
But as it happened, that their cash was spent,
But as it turned out, they had run out of money,
The honest couple to a neighbour went,
The honest couple went to a neighbor,
A corn-factor by trade, not overwise
A corn trader by profession, not very wise.
To whom they stated facts without disguise;
To whom they shared facts openly;
And begged, with falt'ring voice denoting care,
And begged, with a shaky voice showing concern,
That he, of wheat, would half a measure spare,
That he would save half a measure of wheat,
Upon their note, which readily he gave,
Upon their note, which he quickly provided,
And all advantages desired to wave.
And all the benefits sought to be dismissed.
THE time for payment came; the money used;
THE time for payment came; the money used;
The cash our factor would not be refused;
The cash from our supplier wouldn't be turned down;
Of writs he talked, attorneys, and distress;
Of writs he talked, attorneys, and distress;
The reason:—heav'n can tell, and you may guess;
The reason:—heaven knows, and you can take a guess;
In short, 'twas clear our gay gallant desired,
In short, it was clear our bold hero desired,
To cheer the wife, whose beauty all admired.
To cheer up the wife, whose beauty everyone admired.
SAID he, what anxiously I wish to get,
SAID he, what I really want to get,
You've plenty stored, and never wanted yet;
You've got plenty saved up, and you've never needed it yet;
You surely know my meaning?—Yes, she cried;
You know what I mean, right?—Yes, she exclaimed;
I'll turn it in my mind, and we'll decide
I'll think it over, and we'll make a decision.
How best to act. Away she quickly flew,
How to act best. Away she quickly flew,
And Blase informed, what Ninny had in view.
And Blase informed what Ninny was planning.
Zounds! said the cobbler, we must see, my dear,
Zounds! said the cobbler, we have to see, my dear,
To hook this little sum:—the way is clear;
To grab this little sum:—the path is clear;
No risk I'm confident; for prithee run
No risk, I'm sure; so please run.
And tell him I've a journey just begun;
And let him know I’ve just started my journey;
That he may hither come and have his will;
That he can come here and get what he wants;
But 'ere he touch thy lips, demand the bill;
But before he kisses your lips, ask for the bill;
He'll not refuse the boon I'm very sure;
He definitely won't reject the favor, I'm very sure;
Meantime, myself I'll hide and all secure.
Meantime, I'll hide and stay safe.
The note obtained, cough loudly, strong, and clear;
The note obtained, cough loudly, strong, and clear;
Twice let it be, that I may plainly hear;
Twice let it be, so I can clearly hear;
Then forth I'll sally from my lurking place,
Then I'll step out from my hiding spot,
And, spite of folly's frowns, prevent disgrace.
And, despite foolishness's scowls, avoid embarrassment.
THE plot succeeded as the pair desired;
THE plot succeeded as the two wanted;
The cobbler laughed, and ALL his scheme admired:
The cobbler laughed, and everyone admired his plan:
Original
A purse-proud cit thereon observed and swore;
A wealthy city-dweller nearby noticed and swore;
'Twere better to have coughed when all was o'er;
'Twas better to have coughed when everything was over;
Then you, all three, would have enjoyed your wish,
Then you three would have gotten what you wished for,
And been in future all as mute as fish.
And from now on, everything will be as quiet as fish.
OH! sir, replied the cobbler's wife at ease,
OH! Sir, replied the cobbler's wife casually,
Do you suppose that use can hope to please,
Do you think that use can hope to please,
And like your ladies full of sense appear?
And do your ladies seem full of sense?
(For two were seated with his wedded dear;)
(For two were seated with his beloved wife;)
Perhaps my lady 'd act as you describe,
Perhaps my lady would act as you say,
But ev'ry one such prudence don't imbibe.
But not everyone has such good sense.
THE PEASANT AND
HIS ANGRY LORD
Original
ONCE on a time, as hist'ry's page relates,
ONCE upon a time, as history tells us,
A lord, possessed of many large estates,
A lord who owned many large estates,
Was angry with a poor and humble clod,
Was angry with a poor and humble dirt clod,
Who tilled his grounds and feared his very nod.
Who worked his lands and was afraid of his slightest gesture.
Th' offence (as often happens) was but small,
The offense (as often happens) was just minor,
But on him, vowed the peer, his rage should fall—
But on him, the nobleman swore, his anger would land—
Said he, a halter, rascal, you deserve;
Said he, you deserve a noose, you scoundrel;
You'll never from the gallows-turnpike swerve:
You'll never deviate from the gallows-turnpike:
Or, soon or late you swinging will be found
Or, sooner or later, you'll be found swinging.
Who, born for hanging, ever yet was drowned?
Who, destined for the gallows, has ever drowned?
Howe'er you'll smile to hear my lenient voice;
However, you'll be pleased to hear my gentle voice;
Observe, three punishments await your choice;
Observe, there are three punishments for you to choose from;
Take which you will.—The first is, you shall eat,
Take what you want.—The first is, you shall eat,
Of strongest garlick, thirty heads complete;
Of the strongest garlic, thirty heads total;
No drink you'll have between, nor sleep, nor rest;
No drink you have in between, nor sleep, nor rest;
You know a breach of promise I detest.
You know I really hate a broken promise.
Or, on your shoulders further I propose,
Or, on your shoulders further I suggest,
To give you, with a cudgel, thirty blows.
To hit you thirty times with a club.
Or, if more pleasing, that you truly pay,
Or, if it sounds better to you, that you really pay,
The sum of thirty pounds without delay.
The total of thirty pounds immediately.
THE peasant 'gan to turn things in his mind:—
THE peasant started to think things over:—
Said he, to take the heads I'm not inclined;
Said he, I'm not interested in taking the lead;
No drink, you say, between; that makes it worse;
No drink, you say, in between; that only makes it worse;
To eat the garlick thus, would prove a curse.
Eating garlic like this would be a curse.
Nor can I suffer on my tender back,
Nor can I endure on my sensitive back,
That, with a cudgel, thirty blows you thwack.
That, with a club, you hit thirty times.
Still harder thirty pounds to pay appeared;
Still tougher seemed the thirty pounds to pay;
Uncertain how to act, he hanging feared.
Uncertain about what to do, he hung in fear.
The noble peer he begged, upon his knees,
The noble lord he pleaded with, on his knees,
His penitence to hear, and sentence ease.
His remorse to hear, and sentence to lessen.
But mercy dwelled not with the angry lord
But mercy didn't reside with the angry lord.
Is this, cried he, the answer?—bring a cord.
"Is this the answer?" he exclaimed. "Get a rope."
The peasant, trembling lest his life was sought;
The peasant, shaking with fear that his life was in danger;
The garlick chose, which presently was brought.
The garlic was chosen and soon brought.
UPON a dish my lord the number told;
UPON a dish my lord the number counted;
Clod no way liked the garlick to behold.
Clod definitely didn't like the garlic he saw.
With piteous mien the garlick head he took,
With a sad look, he took the garlic head,
Then on it num'rous ways was led to look,
Then on it countless paths were shown to explore,
And grumbling much, began to spit and eat,
And grumbling a lot, started to spit and eat,
just like a cat with mustard on her meat,
just like a cat with mustard on her food,
To touch it with his tongue he durst not do;
To dare to touch it with his tongue, he didn’t.
He knew not how to act or what pursue.
He didn’t know how to act or what to pursue.
The peer, delighted at the man's distress,
The peer, pleased with the man's suffering,
The garlick made him bite, and chew, and press,
The garlic made him bite, chew, and press,
Then gulp it down as if delicious fare;
Then swallow it down like it’s a tasty meal;
The first he passed; the second made him swear;
The first one he got by; the second made him take an oath;
The third he found was every whit as sad,
The third one he found was just as sad,
He wished the devil had it, 'twas so bad.
He wished the devil would take it, it was that terrible.
In short, when at the twelfth our wight arrived,
In short, when we reached the twelfth hour,
He thought his mouth and throat of skin deprived.
He thought his mouth and throat felt dry.
Said he, some drink I earnestly intreat;
Said he, I seriously request some drink;
What, Greg'ry, cried my lord, dost feel a heat;
What, Greg'ry, my lord shouted, do you feel a heat?
In thy repasts dost love to wet thy jaws?
Do you enjoy wetting your appetite at meals?
Well! well! I won't object; thou know'st my laws;
Well! Well! I won't object; you know my rules;
Much good may't do thee; here, some wine, some wine!
Much good may it do you; here, some wine, some wine!
Yet recollect, to drink, since you design,
Yet remember, to drink, since you plan,
That afterward, my friend, you'll have to choose
That later, my friend, you'll have to decide.
The thirty blows, or thirty pounds to lose.
The thirty hits, or thirty pounds to shed.
But, cried the peasant, I sincerely pray,
But, shouted the peasant, I truly pray,
Your lordship's goodness, that the garlick may
Your lordship's kindness, that the garlic may
Be taken in the account, for as to pelf,
Be taken into account, for as to wealth,
Where can an humble lab'rer, like myself,
Where can a humble worker like me,
Expect the sum of thirty pounds to seize?
Expect to get a total of thirty pounds?
Then, said the peer, be cudgelled if you please;
Then, said the peer, go ahead and hit me if you want;
Take thirty thwacks; for naught the garlick goes.
Take thirty whacks; for nothing the garlic goes.
To moisten well his throat, and ease his woes,
To properly moisten his throat and ease his troubles,
The peasant drank a copious draught of wine,
The peasant took a large gulp of wine,
And then to bear the cudgel would resign.
And then to carry the burden would give up.
A SINGLE blow he patiently endured;
A SINGLE blow he patiently took;
The second, howsoe'er, his patience cured;
The second, however, his patience healed;
The third was more severe, and each was worse;
The third was harsher, and each one was worse;
The punishment he now began to curse;
The punishment he started to curse;
Two lusty wights, with cudgels thrashed his back
Two eager men, with sticks, beat his back.
And regularly gave him thwack and thwack;
And regularly hit him over and over;
He cried, he roared, for grace he begged his lord,
He cried, he yelled, begging his lord for mercy,
Who marked each blow, and would no ease accord;
Who counted each strike, and offered no relief;
But carefully observed, from time to time,
But when you look closely, from time to time,
That lenity he always thought sublime;
That kindness he always thought amazing;
His gravity preserved; considered too
His seriousness maintained; deemed too
The blows received and what continued due.
The blows taken and what followed.
AT length, when Greg'ry twenty strokes had got,
AT length, when Gregory had received twenty blows,
He piteously exclaimed:—if more's my lot
He helplessly cried out:—if that's what I'm stuck with
I never shall survive! Oh! pray forgive,
I will never survive! Oh! please forgive me,
If you desire, my lord, that I should live.
If you want me to live, my lord.
Then down with thirty pounds, replied the peer,
Then it's thirty pounds down, replied the peer,
Since you the blows so much pretend to fear;
Since you pretend to fear the blows so much;
I'm sorry for you; but if all the gold
I'm sorry for you; but if all the gold
Be not prepared, your godfather, I'm told,
Be careful, your godfather, I’ve heard,
Can lend a part; yet, since so far you've been,
Can lend a part; yet, since you’ve come this far,
To flinch the rest you surely won't be seen.
To flinch, the others definitely won't notice you.
THE wretched peasant to his lordship flew,
THE miserable peasant ran to his lord.
And trembling cried—'tis up! the number view!
And trembling cried—'It’s up! Check out the number!
A scrutiny was made, which nothing gained;
A review was done, but it led to nothing.
No choice but pay the money now remained;
No choice remained but to pay the money now;
This grieved him much, and o'er the fellow's face;
This upset him a lot, and over the guy's face;
The dewy drops were seen to flow apace.
The dewy drops were seen to flow quickly.
All useless proved:—the full demand he sent,
All proved useless:—the complete request he sent,
With which the peer expressed himself content.
With that, the peer expressed his satisfaction.
Unlucky he whoe'er his lord offends!
Unlucky is the one who offends their lord!
To golden ore, howe'er, the proud man bends:
To shiny gold, however, the proud man bows:
'TWAS vain that Gregory a pardon prayed;
'Twas pointless for Gregory to ask for forgiveness;
For trivial faults the peasant dearly paid;
For minor mistakes, the peasant paid a heavy price;
His throat enflamed—his tender back well beat—
His throat was on fire—his sensitive back was well bruised—
His money gone—and all to make complete,
His money is gone—and all to make complete,
Without the least deduction for the pain,
Without any reduction for the pain,
The blows and garlick gave the trembling swain.
The strikes and garlic made the shaking young man.
THE MULETEER
THE Lombard princes oft pervade my mind;
THE Lombard princes often fill my thoughts;
The present tale Boccace relates you'll find;
The story that Boccaccio shares here you'll find;
Agiluf was the noble monarch's name;
Agiluf was the name of the noble king;
Teudelingua he married, beauteous dame,
He married a beautiful woman,
The last king's widow, who had left no heir,
The last king's widow, who had no children,
And whose dominions proved our prince's share.
And whose territories showed our prince's part.
No Beauty round compare could with the queen;
No beauty could compare to the queen.
And ev'ry blessing on the throne was seen,
And every blessing on the throne was seen,
When Cupid, in a playful moment, came,
When Cupid showed up, in a playful mood,
And o'er Agiluf's stable placed his flame;
And over Agiluf's stable he placed his flame;
There left it carelessly to burn at will,
There left it carelessly to burn freely,
Which soon began a muleteer to fill,
Which soon led a muleteer to fill,
With LOVE'S all-powerful, all-consuming fire,
With LOVE'S powerful, all-consuming fire,
That naught controls, and youthful breasts desire.
That nothing controls, and young hearts desire.
THE muleteer was pleasing to the sight:
THE muleteer was pleasing to the eye:
Gallant, good-humoured, airy, and polite,
Charming, cheerful, lighthearted, and polite,
And ev'ry way his humble birth belied;
And every way his humble birth was misleading;
A handsome person, nor was sense denied;
A good-looking person, and they were sensible too;
He showed it well, for when the youth beheld,
He displayed it clearly, for when the young man saw,
With eyes of love, the queen, who all excelled,
With loving eyes, the queen, who surpassed everyone,
And ev'ry effort anxiously had made,
And every effort had been made anxiously,
To stop the flames that would his heart invade;
To put out the flames that would invade his heart;
When vain it proved, he took a prudent part:—
When it turned out to be useless, he acted wisely:—
WHO can, like Cupid, manage wily art?
WHO can, like Cupid, handle clever tricks?
Whate'er stupidity we may discern,
Whatever stupidity we may see,
His pupils more within a day can learn,
His students can learn more in a day,
Than MASTERS knowledge in the schools can gain,
Than what MASTERS know in schools can gain,
Though they in study should ten years remain;
Though they should stay in study for ten years;
The lowest clown he presently inspires,
The least impressive clown he currently influences,
With ev'ry tendency that love requires;
With every tendency that love needs;
Of this our present tale's a proof direct,
Of this, our current story is clear proof,
And none that feel—its truths will e'er suspect:
And no one who feels will ever suspect its truths:
THE am'rous muleteer his thoughts employed;
THE passionate muleteer occupied his thoughts;
Consid'ring how his wish might be enjoyed.
Consid'ring how he might enjoy his wish.
Without success to certainty were brought,
Without success, certainty was not achieved.
Life seemed to him not worth a slender thought;
Life felt to him not worth a passing thought;
To hazard ev'ry thing; to live or die!
To risk everything; to live or die!
Possession have!—or in the grave to lie!
Possession or lying in the grave!
THE Lombard custom was, that when the king,
THE Lombard custom was that when the king,
Who slept not with his queen, (a common thing
Who didn’t sleep with his queen, (a common thing
In other countries too), desired to greet
In other countries too), wanted to say hi
His royal consort, and in bed to meet,
His royal partner, and in bed to meet,
A night-gown solely o'er his back he threw,
A nightgown he threw over his back,
And then proceeded to the interview,
And then went to the interview,
Knocked softly at the door, on which a fair,
Knocked gently at the door, on which a fair,
Who waited on the queen with anxious care,
Who waited on the queen with nervous attention,
Allowed the prince to enter; took his light,
Allowed the prince to enter; took his light,
(Which only glimmered in the midst of night,)
(Which only shone in the middle of the night,)
Then put it out, and quickly left the room:—
Then she put it out and quickly left the room:—
A little lantern to dispel the gloom,
A small lantern to chase away the darkness,
With waxen taper that emitted rays—
With a candle that gave off light—
In diff'rent countries various are their ways!
In different countries, there are various ways!
OUR wily, prying, crafty muleteer,
Our clever, nosy, crafty muleteer,
Knew well these forms were current through the year:
Knew well that these forms were used throughout the year:
He, like the king, at night himself equipped,
He, like the king, got ready at night himself,
And to the queen's superb apartment slipped.
And into the queen's beautiful room slipped.
His face concealed the fellow tried to keep;
His face hid the person he was trying to maintain.
The waiting dame was more than half asleep;
The waiting woman was more than half asleep;
The lover got access:—soon all was clear;
The lover got in:—soon everything was clear;
The prince's coming he had but to fear,
The prince's arrival was all he had to worry about,
And, as the latter had, throughout the day,
And, as the latter had, throughout the day,
The chase attended an extensive way,
The chase took a long route,
'Twas more than probable he'd not be led,
'Twas more than likely he wouldn't be led,
(Since such fatigue he'd had,) to quit his bed.
(Since such fatigue he'd had,) to quit his bed.
PERFUMED, quite neat, and lively as a bird,
PERFUMED, tidy, and full of energy like a bird,
Our spark (safe entered) uttered not a word.
Our spark (safe entered) didn't say a word.
'Twas often customary with the king,
'Twas often customary with the king,
When state affairs, or other weighty thing,
When it comes to state matters or other important issues,
Displeasure gave, to take of love his fill,
Displeasure took away his fill of love,
Yet let his tongue the while continue still.
Yet let his tongue keep going for now.
A singularity we needs must own,
A singularity we must embrace,
With this the wife was long familiar grown.
With this, the wife had grown very familiar.
OUR am'rous wight more joys than one received,
OUR loving being received more than one joy,
If our narrator of the tale's believed;
If our narrator of the story believed;
(In bed a muleteer is worth three kings,
(In bed, a muleteer is worth three kings,
And value oft is found in humble things.)
And value is often found in humble things.)
The queen began to think her husband's rage
The queen started to realize her husband's anger
Had proved a stimulus such wars to wage,
Had proven to be a motivation to fight such wars,
And made him wond'rous stout in pleasure's sport,
And made him incredibly strong in the game of pleasure,
Though all the while his thoughts were-'bout the court.
Though all the while his thoughts were about the court.
Original
WITH perfect justice Heav'n its gifts bestows;
WITH perfect justice Heaven bestows its gifts;
But equal talents all should not compose.
But not everyone with equal talents should work together.
The prince's virtues doubtless were designed,
The prince's virtues were clearly meant,
To take command, and govern o'er mankind.
To take charge and lead humanity.
The lawyer, points of difficulty views,
The lawyer, challenges ahead,
Decides with judgment, and the truth pursues.
Decides with discretion, and the truth follows.
In Cupid's scenes the muleteer succeeds:—
In Cupid's scenes, the mule driver succeeds:—
Each has his part:—none universal meeds.
Each has their role:—no universal rewards.
WITH pleasures feasted, our gallant retired,
WITH pleasures feasted, our brave hero retired,
Before the morn fresh blushes had acquired.
Before the morning's fresh blush had appeared.
But scarcely had he left the tender scene,
But hardly had he left the emotional moment,
'Ere king Agiluf came to see his queen,
'Ere King Agiluf came to see his queen,
Who much surprise expressed, and to him said:
Who expressed a lot of surprise and said to him:
My dear, I know your love, but from this bed,
My dear, I know you love me, but from this bed,
You'll recollect how recently you went,
You'll remember how recently you went,
And having wonders done, should be content.
And after experiencing wonders, should be satisfied.
For heav'n's sake, consider more your health;
For heaven's sake, please think more about your health;
'Tis dearer far to me than Croesus' wealth.
It's much more valuable to me than Croesus' wealth.
WITHIN the royal breast suspicions rose,
WITHIN the royal heart, doubts began to surface,
But nothing then the monarch would disclose.
But the monarch wouldn’t reveal anything then.
He instantly withdrew without a word;
He quickly pulled away without saying anything;
His sentiments to speak had been absurd,
His feelings about speaking had been ridiculous,
And to the stable flew, since he believed
And to the stable he rushed, thinking
The circumstances, which his bosom grieved,
The situation, which weighed heavily on his heart,
Whate'er mysterious doubts might then appear,
Whate'er mysterious doubts might then appear,
Proceeded from some am'rous muleteer.
Came from an amorous muleteer.
WHEN round the dorture he began to creep,
WHEN around the torture he started to sneak,
The troop appeared as if dissolved in sleep,
The group looked as if they were deep in sleep,
And so they truly were, save our gallant,
And so they really were, except for our brave,
Whose terrors made him tremble, sigh, and pant:
Whose fears made him shake, sigh, and breathe heavily:
No light the king had got; it still was dark;
No light the king received; it was still dark;
Agiluf groped about to find the spark,
Agiluf fumbled around to find the spark,
Persuaded that the culprit might be known,
Persuaded that they might know who the culprit is,
By rapid beating of the pulse alone.
By the quick beating of the pulse alone.
The thought was good; to feel the prince began,
The idea was solid; to sense the prince starting,
And at the second venture, found his man,
And on the second try, he found his guy,
Who, whether from the pleasures he'd enjoyed,
Who, whether from the pleasures he'd experienced,
Or fear, or dread discov'ry to avoid,
Or fear, or dread discovery to avoid,
Experienced (spite of ev'ry wily art,)
Experienced (despite every clever trick,)
At once quick beating of the pulse and heart.
At once, the pulse and heart beat rapidly.
In doubt how this adventure yet might end,
In doubt about how this adventure might end,
He thought to seem asleep would him befriend.
He thought pretending to be asleep would win him friends.
MEANWHILE the king, though not without much pains,
MEANWHILE, the king, despite putting in a lot of effort,
Obtained the scissors used for horses' manes.
Obtained the scissors used for trimming horses' manes.
With these, he said, I'll mark the fond gallant,
With these, he said, I'll highlight the charming hero,
That I may know again the one I want.
That I can recognize the one I desire again.
THE monarch from the muleteer with care,
THE monarch from the muleteer with care,
In front, snipt off a bulky lock of hair.
In front, she cut off a thick lock of hair.
This having done, he suddenly withdrew;
This done, he suddenly pulled away;
But carelessly away the trophy threw;
But carelessly tossed away the trophy;
Of which the sly gallant advantage took,
Of which the cunning gentleman took advantage,
And thus the prince's subtle project shook;
And so the prince's clever plan fell apart;
For instantly began our artful spark,
For our creative spark ignited instantly,
His fellow servants like himself to mark.
His fellow workers, just like him, to notice.
WHEN day arrived the monarch was surprised,
WHEN day arrived the king was surprised,
To see each muleteer alike disguised;
To see each mule driver similarly disguised;
No hair in front of either now was seen;
No hair was visible in front of either one now;
Why, how is this? said he: What can it mean?
Why is this happening? he asked. What could it mean?
Fifteen or more, if I believe my sight,
Fifteen or more, if I trust my eyes,
My wife has satisfied this very night.
My wife is pleased this very night.
Well! well! he'll now escape if mum he prove;
Well! well! he'll escape now if he proves himself to mom;
But there again I trust he ne'er shall move.
But I really hope he never moves.
THE SERVANT GIRL JUSTIFIED
BOCCACE alone is not my only source;
BOCCACE is not my only source;
T'another shop I now shall have recourse;
T'another shop I now shall have recourse;
Though, certainly, this famed Italian wit
Though, definitely, this famous Italian humorist
Has many stories for my purpose fit.
Has many stories that suit my purpose.
But since of diff'rent dishes we should taste;
But since we should try different dishes;
Upon an ancient work my hands I've placed;
Upon an old work, my hands are resting;
Where full a hundred narratives are told,
Where a full hundred stories are told,
And various characters we may behold;
And we can see different characters;
From life, Navarre's fair queen the fact relates;
From life, Navarre's beautiful queen shares the story;
My story int'rest in her page creates;
My interest in her story creates;
Beyond dispute from her we always find,
Beyond a doubt, we always find from her,
Simplicity with striking art combin'd.
Simple yet striking art combined.
Yet, whether 'tis the queen who writes, or not;
Yet, whether it's the queen who writes or not;
I shall, as usual, here and there allot
I will, as always, here and there allocate
Whate'er additions requisite appear;
Whatever additions are needed;
Without such license I'd not persevere,
Without that permission, I wouldn't continue,
But quit, at once, narrations of the sort;
But please stop those kinds of stories right now;
Some may be long, though others are too short.
Some may be long, while others are too short.
LET us proceed, howe'er (our plan explained:)
LET us continue, however (our plan explained:)
A pretty servant-girl a man retain'd.
A pretty servant girl a man hired.
She pleas'd his eye, and presently he thought,
She pleased his eye, and soon he thought,
With ease she might to am'rous sports be brought;
With ease, she could be led to playful romance;
He prov'd not wrong; the wench was blithe and gay,
He was right; the girl was cheerful and happy,
A buxom lass, most able ev'ry way.
A curvy girl, quite capable in every way.
AT dawn, one summer's morn, the spark was led
AT dawn, one summer morning, the spark was led
To rise, and leave his wife asleep in bed;
To get up and leave his wife sleeping in bed;
He sought at once the garden, where he found
He immediately searched for the garden, where he found
The servant-girl collecting flow'rs around,
The maid collecting flowers around,
To make a nosegay for his better half,
To create a bouquet for his significant other,
Whose birth-day 'twas:—he soon began to laugh,
Whose birthday it was:—he soon started to laugh,
And while the ranging of the flow'rs he prais'd,
And while he praised the variety of the flowers,
The servant's neckerchief he slyly rais'd.
The servant secretly lifted his neckerchief.
Who, suddenly, on feeling of the hand,
Who, suddenly, upon feeling the hand,
Resistance feign'd, and seem'd to make a stand;
Resistance pretended and seemed to hold its ground;
But since these liberties were nothing new,
But since these freedoms weren't anything new,
They other fun and frolicks would pursue;
They would chase after other fun and games;
The nosegay at the fond gallant was thrown;
The bouquet at the charming gentleman was tossed;
The flow'rs he kiss'd, and now more ardent grown
The flowers he kissed, and now feeling even more passionate
They romp'd and rattl'd, play'd and skipt around;
They ran around, played, and skipped about;
At length the fair one fell upon the ground;
At last, the beautiful woman collapsed to the ground;
Our am'rous spark advantage took of this,
Our romantic spark took advantage of this,
And nothing with the couple seem'd amiss.
And nothing seemed wrong with the couple.
UNLUCKILY, a neighbour's prying eyes
Unfortunately, a neighbor's prying eyes
Beheld their playful pranks with great surprise,
Saw their playful tricks with great surprise,
She, from her window, could the scene o'erlook;
She could see the scene from her window;
When this the fond gallant observ'd, he shook;
When the affectionate suitor noticed this, he trembled;
Said he, by heav'ns! our frolicking is seen,
Said he, by heavens! our fun is noticed,
By that old haggard, envious, prying quean;
By that old, ragged, jealous busybody;
But do not heed it; instantly he chose
But don't pay attention to it; he immediately chose
To run and wake his wife, who quickly rose;—
To run and wake his wife, who quickly got up;—
So much the dame he fondl'd and caress'd,
So much the woman he cherished and cuddled,
The garden walk she took at his request,
The garden walk she took because he asked her to,
To have a nosegay, where he play'd anew
To have a bouquet, where he played again
Pranks just the same as those of recent view,
Pranks just like those we've seen recently,
Which highly gratified our lady fair,
Which highly pleased our lovely lady,
Who felt dispos'd, and would at eve repair,
Who felt inclined and would in the evening go,
To her good neighbour, whom she bursting found,
To her good neighbor, whom she unexpectedly met,
With what she'd seen that morn upon the ground.
With what she had seen that morning on the ground.
THE usual greetings o'er, our envious dame,
THE usual greetings over, our jealous lady,
With scowling brow exclaim'd,—my dear, your fame,
With a frown, I exclaimed, "My dear, your reputation,
I love too much not fully to detail,
I love too much not to share everything.
What I have witnessed, and with truth bewail;
What I have seen, and genuinely mourn;
Will you continue, in your house to keep
Will you keep doing that in your house?
A girl, whose conduct almost makes me weep?
A girl whose behavior almost makes me cry?
Anon I'd kick her from your house, I say;
Anon I'd kick her from your house, I say;
The strumpet should not stay another day.
The prostitute shouldn't stay another day.
The wife replied, you surely are deceiv'd;
The wife replied, "You must be mistaken;
An honest, virtuous creature she's believ'd.
An honest, virtuous person, she's considered.
Well, I can easily, my friend, suppose,
Well, I can easily, my friend, suppose,
Rejoin'd the neighbour, whence this favour flows;
Rejoined the neighbor, from whom this favor comes;
But look about, and be convinc'd, this morn
But look around and be convinced, this morning
From my own window (true as you are born,)
From my own window (as sure as you’re alive,)
Within the garden I your husband spi'd
Within the garden I saw your husband.
And presently the servant girl I ey'd;
And right now, I saw the servant girl;
At one another various flow'rs they threw,
At each other, they threw various flowers,
And then the minx a little graver grew.
And then the flirt got a bit more serious.
I understand you, cried the list'ning fair;
I understand you, shouted the attentive girl;
You are deceiv'd:—myself alone was there.
You’re mistaken: I was the only one there.
Original
NEIGHBOUR
NEIGHBOR
But patience, if you please: attend I pray
But please be patient: I ask you to listen.
You've no conception what I meant to say:
You have no idea what I meant to say:
The playful fair was actively employ'd,
The lively fair was actively engaged,
In plucking am'rous flow'rs—they kiss'd and toy'd.
In picking romantic flowers, they kissed and played.
WIFE
WIFE
'Twas clearly I, howe'er, for her you took.
It was clearly me, however, that you chose for her.
NEIGHBOUR
NEIGHBOR
The flow'rs for bosoms quickly they forsook;
The flowers for their chests they quickly left behind;
Large handfuls frequently they seem'd to grasp,
Large handfuls often seemed to grasp,
And ev'ry beauty in its turn to clasp.
And every beauty takes its turn to embrace.
WIFE
WIFE
But still, why think you, friend, it was not I?
But still, why do you think it wasn't me, friend?
Has not your spouse with you a right to try
Hasn't your spouse the right to try with you?
What freaks he likes?
What freaks is he into?
NEIGHBOUR
Neighbor
But then, upon the ground
But then, on the ground
This girl was thrown, and never cried nor frown'd;
This girl was thrown, and never cried or frowned;
You laugh.—
You laugh.
WIFE
WIFE
Indeed I do, 'twas myself.
I certainly do, it was me.
NEIGHBOUR
Neighbor
A flannel petticoat display'd the elf.
A flannel petticoat revealed the elf.
WIFE
WIFE
'Twas mine:
'Twas mine:
NEIGHBOUR
Neighbor
Be patient:—and inform me, pray,
Be patient and let me know, please.
If this were worn by you or her to-day?
If you or she were wearing this today?
There lies the point, for, if you'll me believe,
There lies the point, because if you believe me,
Your husband did—the most you can conceive.
Your husband did—everything you can imagine.
WIFE
WIFE
How hard of credence!—'twas myself I vow.
How hard to believe!—It was me, I promise.
NEIGHBOUR
Neighbor
Oh! that's conclusive; I'll be silent now;
Oh! that's definitive; I'll be quiet now;
Though truly I am led to think, my eyes
Though honestly, I can't help but think, my eyes
Are pretty sharp, and much I feel surprise
Are pretty sharp, and I feel quite surprised.
At what you say; in fact, I would have sworn,
At what you say; actually, I would have bet,
I saw them thus at romps this very morn;
I saw them playing around like this just this morning;
Excuse the hint, and do not turn her off.
Excuse the suggestion, and don’t dismiss her.
WIFE
WIFE
Why, turn her off?—the very thought I scoff;
Why would I shut her down?—the idea makes me laugh;
She serves me well.
She does a great job.
NEIGHBOUR
Neighbor
And so it seems is taught;
And so it seems is taught;
THE THREE GOSSIPS' WAGER
Original
AS o'er their wine one day, three gossips sat,
A As they sat over their wine one day, three friends chatted,
Discoursing various pranks in pleasant chat,
Discoursing various pranks in pleasant chat,
Each had a loving friend, and two of these
Each had a close friend, and two of these
Most clearly managed matters at their ease.
Most clearly handled things at their own pace.
SAID one, a princely husband I have got.
SAID one, I have a princely husband.
A better in the world there's surely not;
A better place in the world surely doesn’t exist;
With him I can adjust as humour fits,
With him, I can adapt as humor suits.
No need to rise at early dawn, like cits,
No need to get up at the crack of dawn, like regular folks,
To prove to him that two and three make four,
To show him that two plus three equals four,
Or ask his leave to ope or shut the door.
Or ask for his permission to open or close the door.
UPON my word, replied another fair,
UPON my word, replied another attractive woman,
If he were mine, I openly declare,
If he were mine, I openly say,
To judge from what so pleasantly you say,
To judge by what you say so nicely,
I'd make a present of him new-year's day.
I'd give him a gift on New Year's Day.
For pleasure never gives me full delight,
For pleasure never fully satisfies me,
Unless a little pain the bliss invite.
Unless a little pain brings the joy.
No doubt your husband moves as he is led;
No doubt your husband goes where he is directed;
Thank heav'n a different mortal claims my bed;
Thank heaven a different person is in my bed;
To take him in, great nicety we need;
To take him in, we need great care;
But howsoe'er, at times I can succeed;
But still, sometimes I can succeed;
The satisfaction doubly then is felt:—
The satisfaction is felt even more:—
In fond emotion bosoms freely melt.
In tender moments, hearts soften easily.
With neither of you, husband or gallant,
With neither of you, husband or hero,
Would I exchange, though these so much you vaunt.
Would I trade, even though you brag about them so much.
ON this, the third with candour interfer'd;
ON this, the third with honesty interfered;
She thought that oft the god of love appear'd,
She often thought that the god of love appeared,
Good husbands playfully to fret and vex,
Good husbands sometimes playfully worry and annoy,
Sometimes to rally couples: then perplex;
Sometimes to unite couples: then confuse;
But warmer as the conversation grew,
But as the conversation got warmer,
She, anxious that each disputant might view
She, worried that each person involved might see
Herself victorious, (or believe it so,)
Herself triumphant, (or think of it that way,)
Exclaim'd, if either of you wish to show
Exclaimed, if either of you want to show
Who's in the right, with argument have done,
Who's right, having finished the argument,
And let us practise some new scheme of fun,
And let's try out some new way to have fun,
To dupe our husbands; she who don't succeed
To trick our husbands; she who doesn't succeed
Shall pay a forfeit; all replied, “Agreed.”
Shall pay a penalty; everyone responded, “Agreed.”
But then, continued she, we ought to take
But then, she continued, we should take
An oath, that we will full discov'ry make,
An oath that we will fully uncover,
To one another of the various facts,
To each other about the different facts,
Without disguising even trifling acts.
Without hiding even small acts.
And then, good upright Macae shall decide;
And then, good honest Macae will decide;
Thus things arrang'd, the ladies homeward plied.
Thus, everything being settled, the ladies headed home.
Original
SHE, 'mong the three, who felt the most constraint
SHE, among the three, who felt the most pressure
Ador'd a youth, contemporaries paint,
Loved a youth, contemporaries depict,
Well made and handsome, but with beardless chin,
Well-made and good-looking, but with a clean-shaven chin,
Which led the pair a project to begin;
Which led the pair to start a project;
For yet no opportunity they'd found,
For they still hadn't found any opportunity,
T' enjoy their wishes, save by stealth around;
T' enjoy their wishes, save by stealth around;
Most ardently she sought to be at ease,
Most passionately she wanted to feel comfortable,
And 'twas agreed the lucky thought to seize
And it was agreed the lucky idea to take
That like a chambermaid he should be dress'd,
That he should be dressed like a chambermaid,
And then proceed to execute the jest,
And then go ahead and carry out the joke,
Attend upon the wily, wedded pair,
Attend to the clever, married couple,
And offer services with modest air
And provide services with a humble attitude
And downcast eyes; the husband on her leer'd,
And with downcast eyes, she glanced at her husband.
And in her favour prepossess'd appear'd,
And in her favor, she seemed to have the advantage,
In hopes one day, to find those pleasing charms
In hopes of one day finding those delightful charms
Resign'd in secret to his longing arms.
Resigned in secret to his eager arms.
Such pretty cheeks and sparkling eyes he thought,
Such pretty cheeks and sparkling eyes, he thought,
Had ne'er till then his roving fancy caught;
Had never until then his wandering imagination caught;
The girl was hir'd, but seemingly with pain,
The girl was hired, but it seemed to be with difficulty,
Since PRUDENCE ultimately might complain,
Since PRUDENCE might complain,
That (maid and master both so very young)
That (both the maid and the master are very young)
'Twould not be wonderful if things went wrong.
It wouldn't be great if things went wrong.
AT first the husband inattention show'd,
AT first, the husband's lack of attention showed,
And scarcely on the maid a look bestow'd;
And barely glanced at the maid;
But presently he chang'd his conduct quite,
But soon he completely changed his behavior,
And presents gave, with promises not slight;
And gifts were given, along with significant promises;
At length the servant feign'd to lend an ear,
At last, the servant pretended to listen,
And anxious seem'd obliging to appear.
And anxious seemed eager to please.
THE trap our cunning lovers having laid,
THE trap our clever lovers have set,
One eve this message brought the smiling maid;
One evening, this message was delivered by the smiling girl;
My lady, sir, is ill, and rest requires,
My lady, sir, is sick and needs to rest,
To sleep alone to-night she much desires.
To sleep alone tonight, she really wants to.
To grant the master's wish the girl was led,
To fulfill the master's wish, the girl was taken,
And they together hurried off to bed.
And they quickly went to bed together.
THE husband 'tween the sheets himself had plac'd;
THE husband between the sheets himself had placed;
The nymph was in her petticoat, unlac'd;
The nymph was in her petticoat, unlaced;
When suddenly appear'd the wily wife,
When the clever wife suddenly appeared,
And promis'd harmony was turn'd to strife.
And promised harmony turned into conflict.
Are these your freaks, cried she with mark'd surprise;
"Are these your weirdos?" she exclaimed in surprise;
Your usual dish it seems then don't suffice;
Your usual dish, it seems, doesn't cut it;
You want, indeed, to have some nicer fare?
You really want to have some better food?
A little sooner, by the saints I swear,
A bit earlier, I swear by all the saints,
You'd me a pretty trick, 'tis clear, have shown,
You’ve played a pretty trick on me, that’s for sure.
And doubtless, then, tit bits to keep been prone.
And surely, then, small pieces to stay inclined.
This, howsoe'er, to get you're not design'd,
This, however, is not intended to get you.
So elsewhere you may try what you can find.
So you can look around and see what you can find.
And as to you, miss Prettyface, you jade,
And as for you, Miss Prettyface, you flirt,
Good heav'ns! to think a paltry servant maid
Good heavens! to think a petty servant girl
Should rival me? I'll beat you black and blue!
Should you challenge me? I'll defeat you completely!
The bread I eat, indeed, must be for you?
The bread I eat, really, has to be for you?
But I know better, and indeed am clear,
But I know better, and I’m completely sure,
Not one around will fancy I appear
Not a single person here will think I look good.
So void of charms, so faded, wither'd, lost,
So lacking in charm, so faded, withered, gone,
That I should out of doors at once be tost;
That I should be thrown outside at once;
But I will manage matters:—I design
But I will handle things:—I plan
This girl no other bed shall have than mine;
This girl will have no other bed but mine;
Then who so bold to touch her there will dare?
Then who is brave enough to touch her there will take the risk?
Come, Miss, let's to my room at once repair;
Come on, Miss, let's head to my room right away;
Away—your things to-morrow you can seek;
Away—tomorrow you can look for your things;
If scandal 'twould spread around, I'd wreak
If gossip started spreading, I’d cause a scene.
My vengeance instantly, and turn you out;
My revenge will be immediate, and I'll kick you out;
But I am lenient, and desire no rout;
But I am understanding, and I don't want any chaos;
Perhaps your ruin may be sav'd by care;
Perhaps your downfall can be prevented with some effort;
So night and day your company I'll share;
So day and night, I'll share your company;
No more my bosom then will feel dismay,
No longer will my heart feel fear,
For I shall see that you no frolicks play.
For I will make sure you don't play any jokes.
ON this the trembling girl, o'ercome with fears;
ON this the trembling girl, overwhelmed with fears;
Held down her head and seem'd to hide her tears;
She held her head down and seemed to hide her tears;
Pick'd up her clothes and quickly stole away,
Picked up her clothes and quickly sneaked away,
As if afraid her mistress more might say;
As if worried her boss might say more;
And hop'd to act the maid while Sol gave light,
And hoped to play the maid while the sun gave light,
But play at ease the fond gallant at night;
But relax and enjoy yourself, dear gentleman, at night;
At once she fill'd two places in the house,
At the same time, she occupied two spots in the house,
And thought in both the husband she should chouse,
And she thought that she should deceive both her husband,
Who bless'd his stars that he'd escap'd so well,
Who thanked his lucky stars that he'd gotten away so well,
And sneak'd alone to rest within his cell,
And snuck away to rest in his room,
While our gay, am'rous pair advantage took,
While our cheerful, romantic couple took advantage,
To play at will, and ev'ry solace hook,
To play freely, and every comfort draw,
Convinc'd most thoroughly, once lovers kiss'd,
Convinc'd most thoroughly, once lovers kissed,
That OPPORTUNITY should n'er be miss'd.
That opportunity should never be missed.
Here ends the trick our wily gossip play'd;
Here ends the trick our clever gossip played;
But now let's see the plot another laid.
But now let's look at the plot in a different way.
Original
THE second dame, whose husband was so meek,
THE second lady, whose husband was so mild,
That only from her lips the truth he'd seek,
That he would only find the truth from her lips,
When seated with him 'neath a pear tree's shade,
When sitting with him under the shade of a pear tree,
Contriv'd at ease and her arrangement made.
Contrived comfortably and her plans set.
The story I shall presently relate;
The story I'm about to tell you;
The butler, strong, well dress'd, and full of prate:
The butler, strong, well-dressed, and full of chatter:
Who often made the other servants trot,
Who often made the other servants run,
Stood near when madam hit upon her plot,
Stood nearby when she came up with her plan,
To whom she said, I wish the fruit to taste;
To whom she said, I want to taste the fruit;
On which the man prepar'd with ev'ry haste,
On which the man prepared with great hurry,
To climb the tree, and off the produce shook;
To climb the tree, and the fruit fell;
But while above, the fellow gave a look
But while up there, the guy took a glance
Upon the ground below, and feign'd he saw
Upon the ground below, he pretended he saw
The spouse and wife—do more than kiss and paw:
The husband and wife—do more than kiss and touch:
The servant rubb'd his eyes, as if in doubt,
The servant rubbed his eyes, as if he was unsure,
And cried: why truly, sir, if you're so stout,
And shouted: well, sir, if you're so tough,
That you must revel 'mid your lady's charms,
That you must enjoy your lady’s beauty,
Pray elsewhere take her to your longing arms,
Pray elsewhere, take her into your eager arms,
Where you at ease may frolick hours or days,
Where you feel comfortable, you can play for hours or days,
Without my witnessing your loving ways;
Without me seeing your loving ways;
Indeed, I'm quite surprised at what I spy
Indeed, I'm really surprised by what I see.
In publick, 'neath a tree such pranks to try!
In public, under a tree, to pull off such tricks!
And, if you don't a servant's presence heed,
And, if you don't pay attention to a servant's presence,
With decency howe'er you should proceed.
With decency, however, you should move forward.
What, still go on? for shame, I say, for shame!
What, still going on? For shame, I say, for shame!
Pray wait till by and by; you're much to blame;
Pray wait a little longer; you have a lot to answer for;
Besides, the nights are long enough you'll find;
Besides, the nights are long enough, you'll see;
Heav'n genial joys for privacy design'd;
Heavenly joys meant for solitude;
And why this place, when you've nice chambers got?
And why this place when you have nice rooms?
What, cried the lady, says this noisy sot?
What, shouted the lady, is this loud drunk saying?
He surely dreams; Where can he learn these tales?
He must be dreaming; where can he hear these stories?
Come down; let's see what 'tis the fellow ails.
Come down; let's see what's bothering him.
Down William came. How? said the master, how?
Down came William. "How?" said the master, "how?"
Are we at play?
Are we playing?
Original
WILLIAM
WILLIAM
Not now, sir, no, not now.
Not right now, sir, no, not right now.
HUSBAND
Husband
Why, when then, friend?
Why, when then, buddy?
WILLIAM
WILLIAM
While I was in the tree,
While I was in the tree,
Alive, sir, flay me, if I did not see
Alive, sir, go ahead and skin me if I didn't see
You on the verdant lawn my lady lay,
You lie on the green lawn, my lady,
And kiss, and toy, and other frolicks play.
And kiss, and play around, and do other fun activities.
WIFE
WIFE
'Twere surely better if thou held'st thy tongue,
'Twould definitely be better if you kept quiet,
Or thou'lt a beating get before 'tis long.
Or you'll get a beating before long.
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
No, no, my dear, he's mad, and I design
No, no, my dear, he's crazy, and I plan
The fellow in a madhouse to confine.
The guy in a mental hospital to keep him there.
WILLIAM
WILLIAM
Is't folly, pray, to see what we behold?
Is it foolish, I ask, to see what we see?
WIFE
WIFE
What hast thou seen?
What have you seen?
WILLIAM
WILLIAM
What I've already told:—
What I've already mentioned:—
My master and yourself at Cupid's game,
My master and you at Cupid's game,
Or else the tree 's enchanted I proclaim.
Or else I say the tree is enchanted.
WIFE
WIFE
ENCHANTED! nonsense; such a sight to see!
ENCHANTED! what nonsense; what a sight to behold!
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
To know the truth myself, I'll climb the tree,
To find out the truth for myself, I'll climb the tree,
Then you the fact will quickly from me learn;
Then you'll quickly learn the truth from me;
We may believe what we ourselves discern.
We can trust what we observe ourselves.
SOON as the master they above descried,
SOON as the master they saw,
And that below our pair he sharply eyed,
And he closely watched the pair below us,
The butler took the lady in his arms,
The butler lifted the lady in his arms,
And grew at once familiar with her charms;
And quickly became familiar with her charms;
At sight of this the husband gave a yell:
At the sight of this, the husband yelled:
Made haste to reach the ground, and nearly fell;
Made a quick dash to reach the ground and almost fell;
Such liberties he wish'd at once to stop,
Such freedoms he wanted to put an end to right away,
Since what he'd seen had nearly made him drop.
Since what he saw almost made him drop it.
How! how!—cried he:—what, e'en before my sight?
How! how!—he cried:—what, right before my eyes?
What can you mean? said she without affright.
What do you mean? she said calmly.
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
DAR'ST thou to ask again?
Dare you to ask again?
WIFE
WIFE
AND why not, pray?
AND why not, I ask?
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
FINE, pretty doings!—Presently you'll say;
FINE, nice happenings!—Soon you’ll say;
That what I've seen 'tis folly to believe.
That what I've seen is foolish to believe.
WIFE
WIFE
Too much is this:—such accusations grieve.
Too much of this:—such accusations hurt.
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
Thou did'st most clearly suffer his embrace.
You definitely felt his hug.
WIFE
WIFE
I? WHY, you dream!
I? Why are you dreaming!
HUSBAND
HUSBAND
This seems a curious case.
This seems like a strange case.
MY reason's flown'! or have I lost my eyes?
MY reason's gone! Or have I lost my sight?
WIFE
Wife
CAN you suppose my character I prize
CAN you imagine how much I value my character?
So very little, that these pranks I'd play
So little, that these tricks I'd pull
Before your face, when I might ev'ry day
Before your face, when I could see you every day
Find minutes to divert myself at will,
Find moments to entertain myself as I wish,
And (if lik'd such frolicks) take my fill?
And (if you enjoy such fun) satisfy my cravings?
HUSBAND
Husband
I KNOW not what to think nor what to do;
I don't know what to think or what to do;
P'rhaps this same tree can tricks at will pursue;
P'erhaps this same tree can chase tricks at will;
Let's see again; aloft he went once more,
Let's see again; he went up once more,
And William acted as he'd done before;
And William acted like he had before;
But now the husband saw the playful squeeze;
But now the husband noticed the playful squeeze;
Without emotion, and returned at ease.
Without emotion, and came back relaxed.
To find the cause, said he, no longer try,
To find the cause, he said, don't try anymore,
The tree's enchanted, we may well rely.
The tree is magical, we can definitely count on that.
SINCE, that's the fact, replied the cunning jade;
SINCE, that's the truth, replied the sly woman;
To burn it, quickly William seek fort aid;
To burn it, William quickly seeks help;
The tree accurst no longer shall remain;
The cursed tree will no longer stay;
Her will the servant wish'd not to restrain,
Her will the servant didn't want to hold back,
But soon some workmen brought, who felled the tree;
But soon some workers arrived and cut down the tree;
And wondered what the fault our fair could see.
And wondered what the fault our fair one could see.
Down hew it, cried the lady, that's your task;
Down with it, shouted the lady, that's your job;
More concerns you not; folly 'tis to ask.
More concerns you not; it's foolish to ask.
Original
OUR second gossip thus obtained success;
Our second rumor worked.
But now the third: we'll see if she had less:
But now the third: we'll see if she had less:
To female friends she often visits paid,
To the female friends she often visits, she made payments.
And various pastimes there had daily play'd;
And various activities were played daily;
A leering lover who was weary grown,
A grinning lover who had grown tired,
Desired ONE night she'd meet him quite alone.
Desired one night she'd meet him completely alone.
TWO, if you will, replied the smiling fair;
TWO, if you want, replied the smiling girl;
A trifle 'tis you ask, and I'll repair
A little thing you ask, and I'll fix it.
Where'er you wish, and we'll recline at ease;
Wherever you want, we can relax comfortably;
My husband I can manage, if I please,
My husband and I can handle things, if I want to,
While thus engag'd.—The parties soon agreed;
While engaged in this discussion, the parties quickly reached an agreement;
But still the lady for her wits had need,
But still the lady needed her wits,
Since her dear man from home but rarely went,
Since her beloved from home rarely visited,
No pardons sought at Rome, but was content
No pardons were requested in Rome, but he was satisfied.
With what he nearer got, while his sweet wife
With what he got closer to, while his sweet wife
More fondness mark'd for gratifying life,
More affection shown for enjoying life,
And ever anxious, warmest zeal to show,
And always eager, with the greatest enthusiasm to show,
Was always wishing distant scenes to know;
Was always wishing to see far-off places;
As pilgrim oft she'd trod a foreign road,
As a traveler, she often walked a strange path,
But now desir'd those ancient ways t'explode;
But now wanted to abandon those old ways;
A plan more rare and difficult she sought,
A plan that was more unique and challenging she sought,
And round her toe our wily dame bethought,
And around her toe, our clever lady thought,
To tie a pack-thread, fasten'd to the door,
To tie a pack thread secured to the door,
Which open'd to the street: then feign'd to snore
Which opened to the street: then pretended to snore
Beside her husband, Harry Berlinguier,
Next to her husband, Harry Berlinguier,
(So, usually, they nam'd her wedded dear.)
(So, usually, they called her beloved wife.)
HOWE'ER, so cunningly with him she dealt,
HOWE'ER, so cleverly she dealt with him,
That Harry turn'd, and soon the pack-thread felt,
That Harry turned, and soon he felt the pack-thread,
Which rais'd distrust, and led him to suspect
Which raised distrust and made him suspect
Some bad design the thread was meant t'effect.
Some bad design the thread was meant to have.
A LITTLE time, as if asleep, he lay
A LITTLE time, as if asleep, he lay
Considering how to act, or what to say;
Considering how to behave, or what to say;
Then rose, (his spouse believing not awake,)
Then he got up, (his spouse thinking he was still asleep,)
And softly treading, lest the room should shake;
And walking lightly, so the room wouldn't shake;
The pack-thread follow'd to the outer door,
The thread followed to the outer door,
And thence concluded (what he might deplore,)
And then concluded (what he might regret,)
That his dear partner from her faith would stray,
That his beloved partner would drift away from her faith,
And some gallant that night design'd to play
And some brave person that night planned to perform
The lover's part and draw the secret clue,
The lover's role and reveal the hidden hint,
When she would rise, and with him freaks pursue,
When she would get up and chase after him with weirdos,
While he (good husband!) quietly in bed
While he (good husband!) lay quietly in bed
Might sleep, not dreaming that his wife had fled.
Might sleep, unaware that his wife had run away.
FOR otherwise, what use such pains to take?
FOR otherwise, what’s the point of putting in so much effort?
A visit cuckoldom, perhaps, might make;
A visit to cuckoldry, maybe, could happen;
An honour that he'd willingly decline;
An honor that he'd gladly refuse;
On which he studied how to countermine;
On which he learned how to undermine;
And like a sentinel mov'd to and fro',
And like a guard moved back and forth,
To watch if any one would thither go
To see if anyone would go there
To pull the string, that he could see with ease,
To easily view the string,
And then he'd instantly the culprit seize.
And then he'd immediately catch the culprit.
THE reader will perceive, we may suppose,
THE reader will notice, we can assume,
Besides the entrance which the husband chose,
Besides the entrance that the husband picked,
On t'other side a door, where our gallant
On the other side of a door, where our brave
Could enter readily, as he might want,
Could easily enter, as he might want,
And there the spark a chambermaid let in:—
And there the spark a maid let in:—
Oft servants prone are found a bribe to win.
Often, servants are easily tempted by a bribe.
WHILE Berlinguier thus watch'd around and round;
WHILE Berlinguier observed all around;
The friends with one another pleasures found;
The friends found joy in each other’s company;
But heav'n alone knows how nor what they were:—
But heaven alone knows how or what they were:—
No fact transpir'd save all was free from care;
No fact came to light except that everything was free from worry;
So well the servant kept the careful watch,
So well did the servant keep a close watch,
That not a chance was given the pair to catch:
That the pair was not given a chance to catch:
THE spark at dawn the lady left alone,
THE spark at dawn the lady left alone,
And ere the husband came the bird was flown;
And before the husband arrived, the bird had flown;
Then Harry, weary, took his place again,
Then Harry, tired, took his seat again,
Complaining, that he'd felt such racking pain,
Complaining that he had felt such intense pain,
And dreading, lest alarms her breast should seize,
And fearing that panic might overwhelm her,
Within another room he'd sought for ease.
Within another room, he looked for comfort.
Two days had pass'd, when madam thought once more,
Two days had passed, when the lady thought once more,
To set the thread, as she had done before;
To set the thread, as she had done before;
He left the bed, pretending he was sick,
He got out of bed, acting like he was sick,
Resumed his post; again the lover came,
Resumed his position; once more the lover arrived,
And, with my lady, play'd the former game.
And, with my lady, played the earlier game.
THE scheme so well succeeded, that the pair
THE scheme was so successful that the pair
Thrice wish'd to try the wily pack-thread snare;
Thrice wished to try the clever pack-thread trap;
The husband with the cholic mov'd away,
The husband with the upset stomach moved away,
His place the bold gallant resum'd till day.
His part, the bold knight resumed until the morning.
AT length their ardour 'gan, it seems, to cool,
AT length their ardor began, it seems, to cool,
And Harry, they no longer tried to fool;
And Harry, they no longer tried to deceive;
'Twas time to seek the myst'ry of the plot,
'Twas time to uncover the mystery of the plot,
Since, to three acts, the comedy was got.
Since the comedy was achieved in three acts.
AT midnight, when the spark had left the bed;
AT midnight, when the spark had left the bed;
A servant, by his orders, drew the thread;
A servant, following his instructions, pulled the thread;
On whom the husband, without fear, laid hold,
On whom the husband confidently took hold,
And with him enter'd like a soldier bold,
And with him entered like a brave soldier,
Not then supposing he'd a valet seiz'd;
Not thinking he had a servant seized;
Well tim'd it prov'd, howe'er;—the lady pleas'd
Well-timed it proved, however;—the lady pleased
Her voice to raise, on hearing what was said,
Her voice rose when she heard what was said,
And through the house confusion quickly spread.
And chaos quickly spread through the house.
THE valet now before them bent the knee,
THE valet now before them kneels,
And openly declar'd, he came to see
And openly declared, he came to see
The chambermaid, whom he was wont to greet,
The maid, who he usually greeted,
And by the thread to rouse when time to meet:
And by the thread to pull when it's time to meet:
ARE these your knavish tricks, replied the dame,
ARE these your sneaky tricks, replied the woman,
With eyes upon her maid that darted flame;
With eyes on her maid that shot out sparks;
When I by chance observ'd about your toe,
When I happened to notice your toe,
A thread one night, I then resolv'd to know
A thread one night, I then decided to know
Your scheme in full, and round my own I tied
Your plan in full, and I wrapped my own around it.
A clue, on which I thoroughly relied,
A clue that I completely depended on,
To catch this gay gallant, that you pretend
To catch this flamboyant charmer, that you claim
Your husband will become, I apprehend.
Your husband will become, I worry.
Be that as 'twill, to-night from hence you go.
Be that as it may, tonight you’re leaving from here.
My dear, said Berlinguier, I'd fain say no;
My dear, Berlinguier said, I would prefer to say no;
Let things remain until to-morrow, pray
Let things stay until tomorrow, please.
And then my lady presently gave way.
And then my lady quickly gave in.
A fortune Harry on the girl bestow'd;
A fortune Harry gave to the girl;
The like our valet to his master ow'd;
The like our valet owed to his master;
To church the happy couple smiling went:—
To church the happy couple went, smiling:—
They'd known each other long, and were content.
They had known each other for a long time and were happy.
THUS ended then, the third and last amour;
THUS ended then, the third and last love;
The trio hasten'd Macae to implore,
The trio hurried to Macae to beg,
To say which gain'd the bet, who soon replied:—
To say who won the bet, who quickly replied:—
I find it, friends, not easy to decide.
I find it, friends, not easy to decide.
THE case hangs up, and there will long remain;
THE case is unresolved, and it will likely stay that way for a long time;
'Tis often thus when justice we'd obtain:
'Tis often the case when we seek justice:
THE OLD MAN'S CALENDAR
Original
OFT have I seen in wedlock with surprise,
OFT have I seen in wedlock with surprise,
That most forgot from which true bliss would rise
That most forgot where true happiness would come from.
When marriage for a daughter is designed,
When a daughter’s marriage is planned,
The parents solely riches seem to mind;
The parents only care about wealth;
All other boons are left to heav'n above,
All other blessings are left to heaven above,
And sweet SIXTEEN must SIXTY learn to love!
And sweet SIXTEEN must SIXTY learn to love!
Yet still in other things they nicer seem,
Yet in other ways, they appear more refined,
Their chariot-horses and their oxen-team
Their horses and oxen team
Are truly matched;—in height exact are these,
Are truly matched;—these are exactly the same height,
While those each shade alike must have to please;
While those who are all similar must have to satisfy;
Without the choice 'twere wonderful to find,
Without the choice, it would be amazing to find,
Or coach or wagon travel to their mind.
Or coach or wagon travel to their mind.
The marriage journey full of cares appears,
The marriage journey full of worries seems,
When couples match in neither souls nor years!
When couples don't match in spirit or in age!
An instance of the kind I'll now detail:
An example of the kind I'm about to explain:
The feeling bosom will such lots bewail!
The feeling heart will mourn so much!
QUINZICA, (Richard), as the story goes,
QUINZICA, (Richard), as the story goes,
Indulged his wife at balls, and feasts, and shows,
Spoiled his wife at parties, banquets, and performances,
Expecting other duties she'd forget,
Expecting she'd forget other duties,
In which howe'er he disappointment met.
In which, however, he encountered disappointment.
A judge in Pisa, Richard was, it seems,
A judge in Pisa, Richard was, it seems,
In law most learned: wily in his schemes;
In law very knowledgeable: clever in his plans;
But silver beard and locks too clearly told,
But the silver beard and hair made it too obvious,
He ought to have a wife of diff'rent mould;
He should have a wife of a different kind;
Though he had taken one of noble birth,
Though he had chosen someone of noble birth,
Quite young, most beautiful, and formed for mirth,
Quite young, very beautiful, and made for joy,
Bartholomea Galandi her name;
Her name is Bartholomea Galandi;
The lady's parents were of rank and fame;
The lady's parents were of high status and reputation;
Our JUDGE herein had little wisdom shown,
Our JUDGE here didn’t show much wisdom,
And sneering friends around were often known
And the mocking friends around were often known
To say, his children ne'er could fathers lack:
To say, his children could never be without a father:
At giving counsel some have got a knack,
At giving advice, some people have a talent,
Who, were they but at home to turn their eyes,
Who, if they were just at home to look around,
Might find, perhaps, they're not so over-wise.
Might discover, maybe, they're not as smart as they think.
QUINZICA, then perceiving that his pow'rs
QUINZICA, then realizing that his powers
Fell short of what a bird like his devours,
Fell short of what a bird like him eats,
T'excuse himself and satisfy his dear,
T'excuses himself and satisfies his dear,
Pretended that, no day within the year,
Pretended that no day of the year,
To Hymen, as a saint, was e'er assigned,
To Hymen, as a saint, was always assigned,
In calendar, or book of any kind,
In a calendar or any kind of book,
When full ATTENTION to the god was paid:—
When full attention was given to the god:—
To aged sires a nice convenient aid;
To elderly fathers, a helpful assistance;
But this the sex by no means fancy right;
But the sex definitely does not think this is right;
Few days to PLEASURE could his heart invite
Few days to PLEASURE could his heart invite
At times, the week entire he'd have a fast;
At times, he would fast for the entire week;
At others, say the day 'mong saints was classed,
At other times, like the day set aside for saints,
Though no one ever heard its holy name;—
Though no one ever heard its sacred name;—
FAST ev'ry Friday—Saturday the same,
FAST every Friday—Saturday the same,
Since Sunday followed, consecrated day;
Since Sunday came, a holy day;
Then Monday came:—still he'd abstain from play;
Then Monday came:—still he would avoid playing;
Each morning find excuse, but solemn feasts
Each morning find an excuse, but serious gatherings
Were days most sacred held by all the priests;
Were days that were considered the most sacred by all the priests;
On abstinence, then, Richard lectures read,
On abstinence, then, Richard's lectures read,
And long before the time, was always led
And long before then, was always guided
By sense of right, from dainties to refrain:
By a sense of right, to avoid delicacies:
A period afterward would also gain;
A period afterward would also help;
The like observed before and after Lent;
The same can be seen before and after Lent;
And ev'ry feast had got the same extent;
And every feast had the same scope;
These times were gracious for our aged man;
These times were good for our old man;
And never pass them was his constant plan.
And he always planned to never miss them.
OF patron saints he always had a list;
OF patron saints he always had a list;
Th' evangelists, apostles, none he miss'd;
The evangelists and apostles, he didn't miss any;
And that his scruples might have constant food;
And to make sure his doubts always had something to feed on;
Some days malign, he said, were understood;
Some days were understood to be bad, he said;
Then foggy weather;—dog-days' fervent heat:
Then foggy weather;—summer's intense heat:
To seek excuses he was most complete,
To find excuses, he was truly exceptional,
And ne'er asham'd but manag'd things so well,
And never ashamed but handled things so well,
Four times a year, by special grace, they tell,
Four times a year, by special grace, they say,
Our sage regal'd his youthful blooming wife,
Our wise man entertained his young, beautiful wife,
A little with the sweets of marriage life.
A bit about the joys of married life.
WITH this exception he was truly kind,
WITH this exception he was genuinely kind,
Fine dresses, jewels, all to please her mind;
Fine dresses, jewels, all to satisfy her desires;
But these are bawbles which alone controul
But these are trinkets that alone control
Those belles, like dolls, mere bodies void of soul.
Those beauties, like dolls, just empty bodies without a soul.
Bartholomea was of diff'rent clay;
Bartholomea was made differently;
Her only pleasure (as our hist'ries say),
Her only pleasure (as our histories say),
To go in summer to the neighb'ring coast,
To go to the nearby coast in summer,
Where her good spouse a charming house could boast,
Where her loving husband could show off a beautiful house,
In which they took their lodging once a week;
In which they rented a place to stay once a week;
At times they pleasure on the waves would seek,
At times they would seek pleasure on the waves,
As fishing with the lady would agree,
As fishing with the lady would agree,
And she was wond'rous partial to the sea,
And she had a remarkable fondness for the sea,
Though far to sail they always would refuse.
Though they always refused to sail far.
One day it happened better to amuse,
One day it happened to entertain,
Our couple diff'rent fishing vessels took,
Our couple of different fishing boats took,
And skimm'd the wave to try who most could hook,
And skimmed the wave to see who could catch the most,
Of fish and pleasure; and they laid a bet,
Of fish and fun; and they made a wager,
The greatest number which of them should get.
The largest number that any of them should receive.
On board they had a man or two at most.
On board, they had one or two men at most.
And each the best adventure hop'd to boast.
And each one hoped to brag about the best adventure.
A CERTAIN pirate soon observ'd the ship,
A certain pirate soon noticed the ship,
In which this charming lady made the trip,
In which this lovely lady took the journey,
And presently attack'd and seiz'd the same;
And soon attacked and seized it;
But Richard's bark to shore in safety came;
But Richard safely arrived at the shore;
So near the land, or else he would not brave,
So close to the land, or else he wouldn't take the risk,
To any great extent, the stormy wave,
To any great extent, the stormy wave,
Or that the robber thought if both he took,
Or that the robber thought if he took both,
He could not decently for favours look,
He couldn't properly ask for favors,
And he preferr'd those joys the FAIR bestow,
And he preferred those joys that the BEAUTIFUL gave,
To all the riches which to mortals flow.
To all the wealth that comes to humans.
ALTHOUGH a pirate, he had always shown
ALTHOUGH a pirate, he had always shown
Much honour in his acts, as well was known;
Much honor in his actions, as was well known;
But Cupid's frolicks were his heart's delight:
But Cupid's antics were the joy of his heart:
None truly brave can ever beauty slight;
None who are truly brave can ever disregard beauty;
A sailor's always bold and kind and free,
A sailor is always brave, friendly, and free,
Good lib'ral fellows, such they'll ever be;
Good liberal fellows, that's how they'll always be;
'Mong saints indeed 'twere vain their names to seek!
'Mong saints, it would really be pointless to look for their names!
The man was good howe'er of whom we speak;
The man we’re talking about was a good person;
His usual name was Pagamin Montegue;
His usual name was Pagamin Montegue;
For hours the lady's screams were heard a league,
For hours, the lady's screams could be heard for a mile,
While he each minute anxiously would seize,
While he anxiously seized every minute,
To cheer her spirits and her heart to please;
To lift her spirits and make her happy;
T'attain his wish he ev'ry art combined;
To achieve his desire, he used every trick available;
At length the lovely captive all resigned.
At last, the beautiful prisoner surrendered completely.
'Twas Cupid conquer'd, Cupid with his dart;
'It was Cupid who conquered, Cupid with his arrow;
A thousand times more pirate in his art,
A thousand times more of a pirate in his craft,
Than Pagamin; on bleeding hearts he preys,
Than Pagamin; he preys on bleeding hearts,
But little quarter gives, nor grace displays:
But shows no mercy, nor offers any kindness:
To pay her ransom she'd enough of gold;
To pay her ransom, she had plenty of gold;
For this her spouse was truly never cold;
For this, her partner was never unfeeling;
No fast nor festival therein appear'd,
No fast or festival appeared there.
And her captivity he greatly fear'd.
And he was really afraid of her being trapped.
THIS calendar o'erspread with rubrick days;
THIS calendar is filled with red-letter days;
She soon forgot and learn'd the pirate's ways;
She quickly forgot and learned the pirate's ways;
The matrimonial zone aside was thrown,
The marriage zone was set aside,
And only mentioned where the fact was known:
And only mentioned where the fact was known:
OUR lawyer would his fingers sooner burn;
OUR lawyer would sooner burn his fingers;
Than have his wife but virtuous home return;
Than to have his wife return home virtuous;
By means of gold he entertain'd no doubt,
By using gold, he undoubtedly entertained,
Her restoration might be brought about.
Her restoration could be possible.
A passport from the pirate he obtain'd,
A passport from the pirate he obtained,
Then waited on him and his wish explain'd;
Then waited on him and explained his wish;
To pay he offer'd what soe'er he'd ask;
To pay, he offered whatever he wanted;
His terms accept, though hard perhaps the task;
His terms are accepted, though the task may be tough;
THE robber answer'd, if my name around,
THE robber answered, if my name comes up,
Be not for honourable acts renown'd,
Be not known for honorable acts,
'Tis quite unjust:—your partner I'll restore
'Tis quite unfair:—I will give your partner back.
In health, without a ransom:—would you more?
In health, without any conditions:—is there more you want?
A friendship so respect'd, heav'n forefend!
A friendship so respected, heaven forbid!
Should ever, by my conduct, have an end.
Should my actions ever lead to an end.
The fair, whom you so ardently admire,
The fair one you admire so much,
Shall to your arms return as you desire,
Shall return to your arms as you wish,
Such pleasure to a friend I would not sell;
Such pleasure to a friend I wouldn't give up;
Convince me that she's your's, and all is well;
Convince me that she's yours, and everything will be fine;
For if another I to you should give,
For if someone else were to give to you,
(And many that I've taken with me live,)
(And many that I've taken with me live,)
I surely should incur a heavy blame;
I definitely should take a lot of blame;
I lately captur'd one, a charming dame,
I recently caught one, a charming lady,
With auburn locks, a little fat, tall, young;
With reddish-brown hair, slightly chubby, tall, and youthful;
If she declare she does to you belong,
If she says she belongs to you,
When you she's seen, I will the belle concede;
When she's seen, I will concede she's the beauty;
You'll take her instantly; I'll not impede.
You'll get her right away; I won't hold you back.
Original
THE sage replied, your conduct's truly wise;
THE sage replied, your behavior is really wise;
Such wond'rous kindness fills me with surprise;
Such incredible kindness surprises me;
But since 'tis said that every trade must live,
But since it's said that every trade must survive,
The sum just mention:—I'll the ransom give;
The sum I just mentioned:—I'll pay the ransom;
No compliment I wish, my purse behold
No compliment I want, just look at my wallet.
You know the money presently is told;
You know the money is being counted right now;
Consider me a stranger now I pray;
Consider me a stranger now, I ask;
With you I'd equal probity display,
With you, I'd show the same integrity,
And so will act, I swear, as you shall see;
And I swear I will act, as you'll see;
There 's not a doubt the fair will go with me;
There's no doubt the fair will go with me;
My word for this I would not have you take:—
My word for this, I wouldn't want you to take:—
You'll see how happy 'twill the lady make
You'll see how happy it will make the lady.
To find me here; to my embrace she'll fly;
To find me here; she'll rush into my arms;
My only fears—that she of joy will die.
My only fear is that she will die of joy.
To them the charmer now was instant brought,
To them, the charmer was quickly brought.
Who eyed her husband as beneath a thought;
Who looked at her husband as if he were beneath her consideration;
Received him coldly, just as if he'd been
Received him coldly, just as if he'd been
A stranger from Peru, she ne'er had seen.
A stranger from Peru, she had never seen.
LOOK, said Quinzica, she's ashamed 'tis plain
LOOK, said Quinzica, she's obviously embarrassed.
So many lookers on her love restrain;
So many spectators hold back their love;
But be assured, if we were left alone,
But rest assured, if we were left on our own,
Around my neck her arms would soon be thrown.
Around my neck, her arms would soon be wrapped.
IF this, replied the pirate, you believe,
IF this, replied the pirate, you believe,
Attend her toilet:—naught can then deceive.
Attend to her appearance:—nothing can deceive then.
Away they went, and closely shut the door;
Away they went, and tightly closed the door;
When Richard said, thou darling of my store,
When Richard said, you darling of my collection,
How can'st thou thus behave? my pretty dove,
How can you behave this way, my pretty dove,
'Tis thy Quinzica, come to seek his love,
'Tis your Quinzica, here to find his love,
In all the same, except about his wife;
In any case, except when it comes to his wife;
Dost in this face a change observe my life?
Do you see a change in my life in this face?
'Tis grieving for thy loss that makes me ill;
It's grieving over your loss that makes me sick;
Did ever I in aught deny thy will?
Did I ever deny your wishes?
In dress or play could any thee exceed?
In fashion or fun, could anyone outdo you?
And had'st thou not whatever thou might'st need?
And didn't you have everything you might need?
To please thee, oft I made myself a slave;
To please you, I often made myself a servant;
Such thou art now; but thee again I crave.
Such you are now; but I want you back again.
Then what dost think about thy honour, dear?—
Then what do you think about your honor, dear?—
Said she, with ire, I neither know nor fear;
Said she, angrily, I don’t know it and I’m not afraid;
Is this a time to guard it, do you say?
Is this a time to protect it, you ask?
What pain was shown by any one, I pray;
What pain was shown by anyone, I ask;
When I was forc'd to wed a man like you,
When I was forced to marry a man like you,
Old, impotent, and hateful to the view,
Old, powerless, and unpleasant to look at,
While I was young and blooming as the morn,
While I was young and flourishing like the morning,
Deserving truly, something less forlorn,
Deserving truly, something less sad,
And seemingly intended to possess
And seemingly meant to have
What Hymen best in store has got to bless;
What Hymen has in store to bless;
For I was thought by all the world around,
For everyone around me believed,
Most worthy ev'ry bliss in wedlock found.
Most deserving of every joy found in marriage.
YET things took quite another turn with me
YET things took a completely different turn for me
In tune my husband never proved to be,
In tune my husband never turned out to be,
Except a feast or two throughout the year;
Except for a feast or two during the year;
From Pagamin I met a diff'rent cheer;
From Pagamin, I experienced a different joy;
Another lesson presently he taught;
He taught another lesson today;
The life's sweet pleasures more the pirate brought,
The pirate brought even more of life's sweet pleasures,
In two short days, than e'er I had from you
In just two short days, less than I ever got from you
In those four years that only you I knew.
In those four years, you were the only one I knew.
PRAY leave me husband:—let me have my will
PRAY, leave me, husband:—let me have my way.
Insist not on my living with you still;
Insist on not having me live with you anymore;
No calendars with Pagamin are seen—
No calendars with Pagamin are visible—
Far better treated with the man I've been.
Far better treated than I have been by the man.
My other friends and you much worse deserved:
My other friends and you deserved much worse:
The spouse, for taking me when quite unnerved,
The partner, for being there when I was feeling really anxious,
And they, for giving preference base to gold,
And they, for favoring something as lowly as gold,
To those pure joys—far better thought than told.
To those pure joys—way better expressed in thoughts than in words.
But Pagamin in ev'ry way can please;
But Pagamin can please in every way;
And though no code he owns, yet all is ease;
And even though he doesn't own any code, everything is easy;
Himself will tell you what has passed this morn,
Himself will tell you what happened this morning,
His actions would a sov'reign prince adorn.
His actions would make a sovereign prince proud.
Such information may excite surprise,
Such information may cause surprise,
But now the truth, 'twere useless to disguise,
But now the truth, it would be pointless to hide,
Nothing will gain belief, we've no one near
Nothing will gain trust, we've got no one close.
To witness our discourse:—adieu, my dear,
To see our conversation:—goodbye, my dear,
To all your festivals—I'm flesh and blood:—
To all your celebrations—I'm real and present:—
Gems, dresses, ornaments, do little good;
Gems, clothes, and jewelry don't really help much;
You know full well, betwixt the head and heel,
You know very well, between the head and heel,
Though little's said, yet much we often feel.
Though not much is said, we often feel a lot.
On this she stopt, and Richard dropt his chin,
On this, she stopped, and Richard dropped his chin,
Rejoiced to 'scape from such unwelcome din.
Rejoiced to escape from such unwanted noise.
BARTHOLOMEA, pleased with what had passed;
BARTHOLOMEA, happy with what had happened;
No disposition showed to hold him fast;
No intention to keep him there;
The downcast husband felt such poignant grief,
The sad husband felt such deep sorrow,
With ills where age can scarcely hope relief,
With problems that age can hardly hope to ease,
That soon he left this busy stage of life,
That soon he left this hectic part of life,
And Pagamin the widow took to wife.
And Pagamin married the widow.
The deed was just, for neither of the two
The act was fair, for neither of the two
E'er felt what oft in Richard rose to view;
E'er felt what often came to mind for Richard;
From feeling proof arose their mutual choice;
From their feelings, proof emerged of their mutual choice;
And 'tween them ne'er was heard the jarring voice.
And between them, the jarring voice was never heard.
BEHOLD a lesson for the aged man;
BEHOLD a lesson for the older man;
Who thinks, when old, to act as he began;
Who thinks, when they're older, to act the way they did when they started;
But, if the sage a yielding dotard seems,
But if the wise person appears to be a compliant fool,
His work is done by those the wife esteems;
His work is done by those whom the wife respects;
Complaints are never heard; no thrilling fears;
Complaints are never listened to; no exciting fears;
And ev'ry one around at ease appears.
And everyone around looks chill.
THE AVARICIOUS WIFE AND TRICKING GALLANT
WHO knows the world will never feel surprise,
WHO knows the world will never feel surprise,
When men are duped by artful women's eyes;
When men are tricked by crafty women's looks;
Though death his weapon freely will unfold;
Though death will freely reveal his weapon;
Love's pranks, we find, are ever ruled by gold.
Love's tricks, it turns out, are always controlled by money.
To vain coquettes I doubtless here allude;
To vain flirts, I'm probably referring to here;
But spite of arts with which they're oft endued;
But despite the skills they often possess;
I hope to show (our honour to maintain,)
I hope to show (our honor to maintain,)
We can, among a hundred of the train,
We can, among a hundred of the train,
Catch one at least, and play some cunning trick:—
Catch at least one, and pull off a clever trick:—
For instance, take blithe Gulphar's wily nick,
For example, consider the clever nickname of carefree Gulphar,
Who gained (old soldier-like) his ardent aim,
Who achieved his passionate goal like a seasoned soldier,
And gratis got an avaricious dame.
And for free got a greedy woman.
LOOK well at this, ye heroes of the sword,
LOOK well at this, you heroes of the sword,
Howe'er with wily freaks your heads be stored,
Howe'er with clever tricks your heads be filled,
Beyond a doubt, at court I now could find,
Beyond a doubt, I could definitely find at court,
A host of lovers of the Gulphar kind.
A bunch of people who love the Gulphar kind.
Original
To Gasperin's so often went our wight,
To Gasperin's so frequently went our guy,
The wife at length became his sole delight,
The wife eventually became his only joy,
Whose youth and beauty were by all confessed;
Whose youth and beauty everyone acknowledged;
But, 'midst these charms, such av'rice she possessed,
But, amid these charms, she had such greed,
The warmest love was checked—a thing not rare,
The warmest love was held back—a common occurrence,
In modern times at least, among the FAIR.
In modern times at least, among the FAIR.
'Tis true, as I've already said, with such
'Tis true, as I've already said, with such
Sighs naught avail, and promises not much;
Sighing does no good, and promises aren't worth much either;
Without a purse, who wishes should express,
Without a purse, who wishes to express,
Would vainly hope to gain a soft caress.
Would foolishly wish for a gentle touch.
The god of love no other charm employs,
The god of love uses no other charm,
Then cards, and dress, and pleasure's cheering joys;
Then cards, clothes, and the joyful delights of leisure;
From whose gay shops more cuckolds we behold,
From whose cheerful shops we see more fools,
Than heroes sallied from Troy's horse of old.
Than heroes sallied from Troy's horse of old.
BUT to our lady's humour let's adhere;
BUT let's stick to our lady's mood;
Sighs passed for naught: they entered not her ear;
Sighs meant nothing: they didn't reach her ears;
'Twas speaking only would the charmer please,
'Twas only by speaking that the charmer would please,
The reader, without doubt, my meaning sees;
The reader definitely understands my meaning;
Gay Gulphar plainly spoke, and named a sum
Gay Gulphar spoke clearly and mentioned an amount.
A hundred pounds, she listened:—was o'ercome.
A hundred pounds, she listened:—was overwhelmed.
OUR wight the cash by Gasperin was lent;
OUR weight the cash by Gasperin was lent;
And then the husband to the country went,
And then the husband went out to the countryside,
Without suspecting that his loving mate,
Without suspecting that his loving partner,
Designed with horns to ornament his pate.
Designed with horns to decorate his head.
THE money artful Gulphar gave the dame,
THE money clever Gulphar gave the woman,
While friends were round who could observe the same;
While friends were around who could see the same;
Here, said the spark, a hundred pounds receive,
Here, said the spark, take a hundred pounds,
'Tis for your spouse:—the cash with you I leave.
It's for your spouse:—the money I leave with you.
The lady fancied what the swain had said,
The lady liked what the guy had said,
Was policy, and to concealment led.
Was policy, and to hiding led.
Original
NEXT morn our belle regaled the arch gallant,
NEXT morn our beauty entertained the charming knight,
Fulfilled his promise:—and his eager want.
Fulfilled his promise—and his eager desire.
Day after day he followed up the game;
Day after day, he stayed on top of the game;
For cash he took, and int'rest on the same;
For cash he received, plus interest on that amount;
Good payers get, we always may conclude,
Good payers get, we can always conclude,
Full measure served, whatever is pursued.
Full measure given, whatever is sought.
WHEN Gasperin returned, our crafty wight,
WHEN Gasperin returned, our clever guy,
Before the wife addressed her spouse at sight;
Before the wife spoke to her husband upon seeing him;
Said he the cash I've to your lady paid,
Said he, "I've paid the cash to your lady,"
Not having (as I feared) required its aid;
Not needing (as I worried) required its help;
To save mistakes, pray cross it in your book;
To avoid mistakes, write it down in your book;
The lady, thunderstruck, with terror shook;
The woman, shocked and trembling with fear;
Allowed the payment; 'twas a case too clear;
Allowed the payment; it was a case too obvious;
In truth for character she 'gan to fear.
In truth, she began to fear for her character.
But most howe'er she grudged the surplus joy,
But mostly she resented the extra happiness,
Bestowed on such a vile, deceitful boy.
Bestowed on such a wicked, dishonest boy.
THE loss was doubtless great in ev'ry view
THE loss was undoubtedly significant in every aspect
Around the town the wicked Gulphar flew;
Around the town, the evil Gulphar flew;
In all the streets, at every house to tell,
In every street, at every house to share,
How nicely he had trick'd the greedy belle.
How cleverly he had fooled the greedy girl.
To blame him useless 'twere you must allow;
To blame him would be pointless, you have to admit;
The French such frolicks readily avow.
The French openly admit to such fun.
THE JEALOUS HUSBAND
A CERTAIN husband who, from jealous fear,
A CERTAIN husband who, out of jealous fear,
With one eye slept while t'other watched his dear,
With one eye closed while the other kept an eye on his love,
Deprived his wife of every social joy,
Deprived his wife of every social pleasure,
(Friends oft the jealous character annoy,)
(Friends with a jealous nature can be so irritating,)
And made a fine collection in a book,
And created a great collection in a book,
Of tricks with which the sex their wishes hook.
Of tricks that the sex uses to get what they want.
Strange fool! as if their wiles, to speak the truth,
Strange fool! as if their tricks, to tell the truth,
Were not a hydra, both in age and youth.
Were not a hydra, both in old and young.
HIS wife howe'er engaged his constant cares;
HIS wife, however, occupied his constant concerns;
He counted e'en the number of her hairs;
He even counted the number of her hairs;
And kept a hag who followed every hour,
And had a witch who followed every hour,
Where'er she went, each motion to devour;
Wherever she went, every move seemed to consume;
Duenna like, true semblance of a shade,
Duenna, like a real shadow,
That never quits, yet moves as if afraid.
That never stops, yet moves as if it's scared.
THIS arch collection, like a prayer-book bound;
THIS arch collection, like a prayer book that's bound;
Was in the blockhead's pocket always found,
Was always found in the fool's pocket,
The form religious of the work, he thought,
The religious form of the work, he thought,
Would prove a charm 'gainst vice whenever sought!
Would be a charm against wrongdoing whenever needed!
ONE holy day, it happened that our dame,
ONE holy day, it happened that our lady,
As from the neighb'ring church she homeward came;
As she returned home from the nearby church;
And passed a house, some wight, concealed from view;
And walked by a house, someone hidden from sight;
A basket full of filth upon her threw.
A basket full of dirt was dumped on her.
WITH anxious care apologies were made;
WITH anxious care, apologies were offered;
The lady, frightened by the frolick played,
The woman, scared by the playful antics,
Quite unsuspicious to the mansion went;
Quite unsuspecting, they went to the mansion;
Her aged friend for other clothes she sent,
Her elderly friend, she sent for other clothes,
Who hurried home, and ent'ring out of breath;
Who rushed home, entering out of breath;
Informed old hunks—what pained him more than death
Informed old tough guys—what hurt him more than death
ZOUNDS! cried the latter, vainly I may look
ZOUNDS! cried the latter, I may look in vain.
To find a case like this within my book;
To find a case like this in my book;
A dupe I'm made, and nothing can be worse:—
A fool I've become, and nothing could be worse:—
Hell seize the work—'tis thoroughly a curse!
Hell seize the work—it's totally a curse!
Original
NOT wrong he proved, for, truly to confess;
NOT wrong he proved, for, to be honest;
This throwing dirt upon the lady's dress
This throwing dirt on the lady's dress
Was done to get the hag, with Argus' eyes
Was done to catch the witch, with Argus's eyes.
Removed a certain distance from the prize.
Removed a certain distance from the prize.
The gay gallant, who watched the lucky hour,
The stylish guy, who watched for the right moment,
Felt doubly blessed to have her in his power.
Felt incredibly fortunate to have her under his control.
HOW vain our schemes to guard the wily sex!
HOW vain our plans to protect the crafty women!
Oft plots we find, that ev'ry sense perplex.
Oftentimes we discover plots that confuse every sense.
Go, jealous husbands, books of cases burn;
Go ahead, jealous husbands, burn the books of cases;
Caresses lavish, and you'll find return.
Caress generously, and you'll receive love in return.
THE GASCON PUNISHED
A GASCON (being heard one day to swear,
A GASCON (being heard one day to swear,
That he'd possess'd a certain lovely fair,)
That he had possessed a certain lovely woman,
Was played a wily trick, and nicely served;
Was played a clever trick, and nicely pulled off;
'Twas clear, from truth he shamefully had swerved:
It was clear that he had shamefully strayed from the truth:
But those who scandal propagate below,
But those who spread scandal down below,
Are prophets thought, and ev'ry action know;
Are prophets aware of thoughts, and do they know every action?
While good, if spoken, scarcely is believed,
While good things, if spoken, are rarely believed,
And must be viewed, or not for truth received.
And should be seen, or else the truth won't be accepted.
THE dame, indeed, the Gascon only jeered,
THE lady, indeed, the Gascon just mocked,
And e'er denied herself when he appeared;
And she always denied herself when he showed up;
But when she met the wight, who sought to shine;
But when she met the spirit, who wanted to shine;
And called her angel, beauteous and divine,
And called her angel, beautiful and divine,
She fled and hastened to a female friend,
She ran away and quickly went to see a female friend,
Where she could laugh, and at her ease unbend.
Where she could laugh and relax comfortably.
NEAR Phillis, (our fair fugitive) there dwelled
NEAR Phillis, (our fair fugitive) there lived
One Eurilas, his nearest neighbour held;
One Eurilas, his closest neighbor held;
His wife was Cloris; 'twas with her our dove
His wife was Cloris; it was with her our dove
Took shelter from the Gascon's forward love,
Took shelter from the Gascon's bold affection,
Whose name was Dorilas; and Damon young,
Whose name was Dorilas; and Damon, young,
(The Gascon's friend) on whom gay Cloris hung.
(The Gascon's friend) on whom cheerful Cloris hung.
SWEET Phillis, by her manner, you might see,
SWEET Phillis, by her way of being, you could tell,
From sly amours and dark intrigues was free;
From sneaky affairs and shady plots was free;
The value to possess her no one knew,
The value of having her was unknown to anyone,
Though all admired the lovely belle at view.
Though everyone admired the beautiful girl at sight.
Just twenty years she counted at the time,
Just twenty years she counted at the time,
And now a widow was, though in her prime,
And now she was a widow, even though she was still in her prime,
(Her spouse, an aged dotard, worth a plum:—
(Her spouse, an old fool, worth a fortune:—
Of those whose loss to mourn no tears e'er come.)
Of those we mourn for, no tears ever fall.
OUR seraph fair, such loveliness possessed,
OUR seraph fair, such beauty she had,
In num'rous ways a Gascon could have blessed;
In numerous ways a Gascon could have blessed;
Above, below, appeared angelic charms;
Above, below, angelic charms appeared;
'Twas Paradise, 'twas Heav'n, within her arms!
It was Paradise, it was Heaven, in her arms!
THE Gascon was—a Gascon;—would you more?
THE Gascon was—a Gascon;—would you like more?
Who knows a Gascon knows at least a score.
Whoever knows a Gascon knows at least twenty.
I need not say what solemn vows he made;
I won't mention the serious promises he made;
Alike with Normans Gascons are portrayed;
Alike with Normans, Gascons are portrayed;
Their oaths, indeed, won't pass for Gospel truth;
Their promises, honestly, won't count as absolute truth;
But we believe that Dorilas (the youth)
But we believe that Dorilas (the young man)
Loved Phillis to his soul, our lady fair,
Loved Phillis with all his heart, our lovely lady,
Yet he would fain be thought successful there.
Yet he would like to be seen as successful there.
ONE day, said Phillis, with unusual glee,
ONE day, said Phillis, with unusual excitement,
Pretending with the Gascon to be free:—
Pretending to be free with the Gascon:—
A favour do me:—nothing very great;
A small favor, please:—nothing too big;
Assist to dupe one jealous of his mate;
Assist in tricking someone who is jealous of his partner;
You'll find it very easy to be done,
You'll find it really easy to finish.
And doubtless 'twill produce a deal of fun.
And without a doubt, it will be a lot of fun.
'Tis our request (the plot you'll say is deep,)
'Tis our request (you'll say the plot is deep,)
That you this night with Cloris's husband sleep
That you sleep with Cloris's husband tonight.
Some disagreement with her gay gallant
Some disagreement with her gay suitor
Requires, that she a night at least should grant,
Requires that she should at least grant him a night,
To settle diff'rences; now we desire,
To settle differences; now we wish,
That you'll to bed with Eurilas retire,
That you'll go to bed with Eurilas,
There's not a doubt he'll think his Cloris near;
There's no doubt he'll think his Cloris is close by;
He never touches her:—so nothing fear;
He never touches her—so there's nothing to fear;
For whether jealousy, or other pains,
For whether it's jealousy or other pains,
He constantly from intercourse abstains,
He constantly abstains from sex,
Snores through the night, and, if a cap he sees,
Snores through the night, and if he spots a cap,
Believes his wife in bed, and feels at ease.
Believes his wife in bed and feels relaxed.
We'll properly equip you as a belle,
We'll properly get you ready as a beauty,
And I will certainly reward you well.
And I will definitely reward you generously.
TO gain but Phillis's smiles, the Gascon said,
TO gain just Phillis's smiles, the Gascon said,
He'd with the very devil go to bed.
He'd go to bed with the devil himself.
THE night arrived, our wight the chamber traced;
THE night arrived, and our spirit roamed the room;
The lights extinguished; Eurilas, too, placed;
The lights went out; Eurilas, too, took a seat;
The Gascon 'gan to tremble in a trice,
The Gascon started to shake in an instant,
And soon with terror grew as cold as ice;
And soon, fear settled in like ice.
Durst neither spit nor cough; still less encroach;
Durst didn't spit or cough; even less intrude;
And seemed to shrink, least t'other should approach;
And seemed to shrink, lest the other should come near;
Crept near the edge; would scarcely room afford,
Crept close to the edge; barely giving enough space,
And could have passed the scabbard of a sword.
And could have passed the sheath of a sword.
OFT in the night his bed-fellow turned round;
OFT in the night his bedfellow turned around;
At length a finger on his nose he found,
At last, he found a finger on his nose,
Which Dorilas exceedingly distressed;
Which greatly distressed Dorilas;
But more inquietude was in his breast,
But there was more restlessness in his heart,
For fear the husband amorous should grow,
For fear the husband in love might grow,
From which incalculable ills might flow.
From which countless problems could arise.
OUR Gascon ev'ry minute knew alarm;
OUR Gascon knew alarm every minute;
'Twas now a leg stretched out, and then an arm;
'Twas now a leg stretched out, and then an arm;
He even thought he felt the husband's beard;
He even thought he could feel the husband's beard;
But presently arrived what more he feared.
But soon, what he feared the most arrived.
A BELL, conveniently, was near the bed,
A bell was conveniently located near the bed,
Which Eurilas to ring was often led;
Which Eurilas to ring was often led;
At this the Gascon swooned, so great his fear,
At this, the Gascon fainted, overwhelmed by fear.
And swore, for ever he'd renounce his dear.
And swore he'd give up his beloved forever.
But no one coming, Eurilas, once more,
But no one is coming, Eurilas, once again,
Resumed his place, and 'gan again to snore.
Resumed his position and started snoring again.
AT length, before the sun his head had reared;
AT last, before the sun, he had raised his head;
The door was opened, and a torch appeared.
The door swung open, and a flashlight appeared.
Misfortune then he fancied full in sight;
Misfortune then seemed clear and present;
More pleased he'd been to rise without a light,
More pleased he had been to get up without a light,
And clearly thought 'twas over with him now;
And clearly thought it was over for him now;
The flame approached;—the drops ran o'er his brow;
The flame drew closer; the sweat trickled down his forehead;
With terror he for pardon humbly prayed:—
With fear, he humbly asked for forgiveness:—
You have it, cried a fair: be not dismayed;
You got it, shouted a girl: don’t be discouraged;
'Twas Phillis spoke, who Eurilas's place
'Twas Phillis who spoke, taking Eurilas's place.
Had filled, throughout the night, with wily grace,
Had filled, throughout the night, with clever charm,
And now to Damon and his Cloris flew,
And now Damon and his Cloris flew,
With ridicule the Gascon to pursue;
With mockery, the Gascon to follow;
Recounted all the terrors and affright,
Recounted all the fears and horrors,
Which Dorilas had felt throughout the night.
Which Dorilas had felt all night.
To mortify still more the silly swain,
To further embarrass the foolish young man,
And fill his soul with ev'ry poignant pain,
And fill his soul with every intense pain,
She gave a glimpse of beauties to his view,
She showed him a glimpse of beauty,
And from his presence instantly withdrew.
And left his presence right away.
THE PRINCESS BETROTHED TO THE
KING OF GARBA
WHAT various ways in which a thing is told
WHAT different ways a thing can be expressed
Some truth abuse, while others fiction hold;
Some misuse the truth, while others cling to fiction;
In stories we invention may admit;
In stories, we can allow for invention;
But diff'rent 'tis with what historick writ;
But it's different with historical writing;
Posterity demands that truth should then
Posterity demands that truth should then
Inspire relation, and direct the pen.
Inspire connection and guide the pen.
ALACIEL'S story's of another kind,
ALACIEL'S story is of another kind,
And I've a little altered it, you'll find;
And I've made a few changes to it, you'll see;
Faults some may see, and others disbelieve;
Faults some might recognize, while others doubt;
'Tis all the same:—'twill never make me grieve;
'Tis all the same:—it will never make me sad;
Alaciel's mem'ry, it is very clear,
Alaciel's memory, it is very clear,
Can scarcely by it lose; there's naught to fear.
Can hardly lose by it; there’s nothing to fear.
Two facts important I have kept in view,
Two important facts have stayed in my mind,
In which the author fully I pursue;
In which the author fully pursues;
The one—no less than eight the belle possessed,
The one—no less than eight the beauty had,
Before a husband's sight her eyes had blessed;
Before her husband's eyes, her gaze had brought joy;
The other is, the prince she was to wed
The other is, the prince she was supposed to marry
Ne'er seemed to heed this trespass on his bed,
Ne'er seemed to notice this intrusion on his bed,
But thought, perhaps, the beauty she had got
But maybe she had some beauty after all.
Would prove to any one a happy lot.
Would prove to anyone a fortunate situation.
HOWE'ER this fair, amid adventures dire,
HOWEVER this beauty, amid dire adventures,
More sufferings shared than malice could desire;
More shared sufferings than malice could wish for;
Though eight times, doubtless, she exchanged her knight
Though eight times, surely, she traded her knight
No proof, that she her spouse was led to slight;
No proof that she had caused her spouse to disregard her;
'Twas gratitude, compassion, or good will;
It was gratitude, compassion, or goodwill;
The dread of worse;—she'd truly had her fill;
The fear of something worse; she had really had enough;
Excuses just, to vindicate her fame,
Excuses just to defend her reputation,
Who, spite of troubles, fanned the monarch's flame:
Who, despite difficulties, kept the monarch's spirit alive:
Of eight the relict, still a maid received;—
Of the eight, the widow, still a maid, was welcomed;—
Apparently, the prince her pure believed;
Apparently, the prince believed her to be pure;
For, though at times we may be duped in this,
For, even though we might get fooled by this sometimes,
Yet, after such a number—strange to miss!
Yet, after such a number—how strange to overlook!
And I submit to those who've passed the scene,
And I submit to those who have come and gone,
If they, to my opinion, do not lean.
If they, in my opinion, do not lean.
THE king of Alexandria, Zarus named,
THE king of Alexandria, named Zarus,
A daughter had, who all his fondness claimed,
A daughter who claimed all his affection,
A star divine Alaciel shone around,
A divine star, Alaciel, shone all around,
The charms of beauty's queen were in her found;
The charms of beauty's queen were found in her;
With soul celestial, gracious, good, and kind,
With a heavenly spirit, gracious, good, and kind,
And all-accomplished, all-complying mind.
And fully accomplished, fully compliant mind.
THE rumour of her worth spread far and wide,
THE rumor of her worth spread far and wide,
The king of Garba asked her for his bride,
The king of Garba asked her for his bride,
And Mamolin (the sov'reign of the spot,)
And Mamolin (the ruler of the place,)
To other princes had a pref'rence got.
Preferred by other princes.
THE fair, howe'er, already felt the smart
THE fair, however, already felt the sting
Of Cupid's arrow, and had lost her heart;
Of Cupid's arrow, and had lost her heart;
But 'twas not known: princesses love conceal,
But it wasn't known: princesses love to hide,
And scarcely dare its whispers fond reveal;
And hardly dare its gentle whispers show;
Within their bosoms poignant pain remains,
Within their hearts, deep pain lingers,
Though flesh and blood, like lasses of the plains.
Though flesh and blood, like girls from the plains.
THE noble Hispal, one of zarus' court,
THE noble Hispal, one of Zarus' court,
A handsome youth, as histories report,
A good-looking young man, as stories say,
Alaciel pleased; a mutual flame arose,
Alaciel was happy; a shared spark ignited,
Though this they durst not venture to disclose
Though this they dared not risk revealing
Or, if expressed, 'twas solely by the eyes:—
Or, if it was expressed, it was only through the eyes:—
Soul-speaking language, nothing can disguise!
Soul-speaking language, nothing can hide!
AFFIANCED thus, the princess, with a sigh,
AFFIANCED thus, the princess, with a sigh,
Prepared to part, and fully to comply.
Prepared to leave and fully agree.
The father trusted her to Hispal's care,
The father trusted her to Hispal’s care,
Without the least suspicion of the snare;
Without the slightest suspicion of the trap;
They soon embarked and ploughed the briny main;
They soon set sail and navigated the salty sea;
With anxious hopes in time the port to gain.
With anxious hopes of eventually reaching the port.
WHEN they, from Egypt's coast had sailed a week;
WHEN they had sailed from Egypt's coast for a week;
To gain the wind they saw a pirate seek,
To catch the wind, they saw a pirate looking,
Which having done, he t'wards them bore in haste,
Which having done, he hurried towards them,
To take the ship in which our fair was placed.
To take the ship that our fair was placed on.
THE battle quickly raged; alike they erred;
THE battle quickly intensified; both sides made mistakes;
The pirates slaughter loved, and blood preferred,
The pirates loved to kill, and they preferred blood,
And, long accustomed to the stormy tide,
And, having long been used to the turbulent waves,
Were most expert, and on their skill relied.
Were most skilled, and depended on their expertise.
In numbers, too, superior they were found;
In numbers, they were also found to be superior;
But Hisipal's valour greatly shone around,
But Hisipal's bravery really stood out everywhere,
And kept the combat undecided long;
And prolonged the battle without a clear outcome;
At length Grifonio, wond'rous large and strong;
At last, Grifonio, incredibly large and strong;
With twenty sturdy, pirates got on board,
With twenty strong pirates, they boarded the ship,
And many soon lay gasping by the sword.
And many soon lay there gasping from their wounds.
Where'er he trod, grim death and horrour reigned;
Wherever he stepped, grim death and horror ruled;
At length, the round the noble Hispal gained.
At last, the noble Hispal triumphed.
His nervous arm laid many wretches low
His shaky arm brought many unfortunate souls down.
Rage marked his eyes, whene'er he dealt a blow:
Rage filled his eyes whenever he struck a blow:
BUT, while the youth was thus engaged in fight,
BUT, while the young man was caught up in the fight,
Grifonio ran to gain a sweeter sight;
Grifonio rushed forward for a better view;
The princess was on board full well he knew;
The princess was fully aware of it;
No time he lost, but to her chamber flew;
No time was wasted, and he quickly headed to her room;
And, since his pleasures seemed to be her doom;
And, since his pleasures seemed to be her downfall;
He bore her like a sparrow from the room:
He carried her out of the room like a sparrow:
But not content with such a charming fair,
But not satisfied with such a lovely festival,
He took her diamonds, ornaments for hair,
He took her diamonds and hair ornaments,
And those dear pledges ladies oft receive,
And those dear promises ladies often receive,
When they a lover's ardent flame believe.
When they trust in the passionate fire of love.
Indeed, I've heard it hinted as a truth,
Indeed, I've heard it suggested as a truth,
(And very probable for such a youth,)
(And very likely for such a young person,)
That Hispal, while on board, his flame revealed;
That Hispal, while on board, revealed his love;
And what chagrin she felt was then concealed,
And the disappointment she felt was then hidden,
The passage thinking an improper time,
The passage thinking at the wrong time,
To shew a marked displeasure at his crime.
To show clear disapproval of his crime.
THE pirate-chief who carried off his prey,
THE pirate chief who took his target,
Had short-lived joy, for, wishing to convey
Had short-lived joy, because wanting to convey
His charming captive from the ship with speed;
His charming captive from the ship quickly;
One vessel chanced a little to recede,
One ship happened to pull back a bit,
Although securely fastened by the crew,
Although securely secured by the crew,
With grappling hooks, as usually they do,
With grappling hooks, like they usually do,
When quite intent to pass, young Hispal made
When he was really focused on getting by, young Hispal made
A blow, that dead at once the ruffian laid;
A blow that immediately took the thug down;
His head and shoulders, severed from the trunk;
His head and shoulders, cut off from the body;
Fell in the sea, and to the bottom sunk,
Fell into the sea and sank to the bottom,
Abjuring Mahomet, and all the tribe
Abandoning Muhammad and his entire following
Of idle prophets, Catholics proscribe;
Catholics ban idle prophets;
Erect the rest upon the legs remained;
Erect the rest on the remaining legs;
The very posture as before retained;
The same posture was maintained as before;
This curious sight no doubt a laugh had raised,—
This strange sight surely brought a laugh,—
But in the moment, she, so lately praised,
But in that moment, she, who had been praised just recently,
With dread Grifonio, fell beyond their view;
With dread, Grifonio fell out of sight;
To save her, straight the gallant Hispal flew.
To rescue her, the brave Hispal rushed forward.
The ships, for want of pilots at the helm,
The ships, lacking pilots at the helm,
At random drifted over Neptune's realm.
At random, drifted over Neptune's realm.
GRIM death the pirate forced to quit his slave;
GRIM death the pirate forced to leave his slave;
Buoyed up by clothes, she floated on the wave,
Buoyed up by her clothes, she floated on the wave,
'Till Hispal succour lent, who saw 'twas vain
'Til Hispal offered help, who realized it was pointless
To try with her the vessel to regain.
To attempt to regain the vessel with her.
He could, with greater ease, the fair convey
He could, with more ease, convey the fair
To certain rocks, and thither bent his way;
To some rocks, and he made his way there;
Those rocks to sailors oft destruction proved,
Those rocks often brought destruction to sailors,
But now the couple saved, who thither moved:
But now the saved couple, who moved there:
'Tis even said the jewels were not lost,
'Tis even said the jewels weren't lost,
But sweet Alaciel, howsoever tost,
But sweet Alaciel, no matter how tossed,
Preserved the caskets, which with strings were tied;
Preserved the caskets, which were tied with strings;
And seizing these, the treasure drew aside.
And taking these, the treasure moved aside.
OUR swimmer on his back the princess bore;
OUR swimmer on his back the princess carried;
The rock attained; but hardships were not o'er;
The rock was reached; but challenges were not over;
Misfortunes dire the noble pair pursued
The noble couple faced misfortunes.
And famine, worst of ills, around was viewed.
And famine, the worst of all evils, was seen everywhere.
No ship was near; the light soon passed away;
No ship was nearby; the light quickly disappeared;
The night the same; again appeared the day;
The night was the same; the day appeared again;
No vessel hove in sight; no food to eat;
No ship was in sight; no food to eat;
Our couple's wretchedness seemed now complete;
Our couple's misery now felt complete;
Hope left them both, and, mutual passion moved,
Hope left them both, and they were both driven by a shared passion,
Their situation more tormenting proved.
Their situation was more tormenting.
LONG time in silence they each other eyed
LONG time in silence they eyed each other
At length, to speak the lovely charmer tried
At last, to speak, the beautiful charmer attempted
Said she, 'tis useless, Hispal, to bewail:
Said she, "It's pointless, Hispal, to mourn:
Tears, with the cruel Parcae, naught avail;
Tears, with the harsh Fates, do nothing.
Each other to console be now our aim;
Each other to comfort is now our goal;
Grim death his course will follow still the same.
Grim death will continue on his path just the same.
To mitigate the smart let's try anew;
To improve the situation, let’s give it another shot;
In such a place as this few joys accrue.
In a place like this, there aren't many joys to be found.
CONSOLE each other, say you? Hispal cried;
CONSOLE each other, you say? Hispal cried;
What can console when forced one's love to hide?
What can soothe someone when they're forced to hide their love?
Besides, fair princess, ev'ry way 'tis clear,
Besides, fair princess, every way it's clear,
Improper 'twere for you to love while here;
Improper it would be for you to love while you're here;
I equally could death or famine brave;
I could equally face death or famine;
But you I tremble for, and wish to save.
But I'm worried about you, and I want to protect you.
THESE words so pained the fair, that gushing tears
THESE words hurt the girl so much that tears streamed down her face.
Bedewed Alaciel's cheeks, her looks spoke fears;
Bedewed Alaciel's cheeks, her expression showed her fears;
The ardent flame which she'd so long concealed;
The intense flame that she'd kept hidden for so long;
Burst forth in sighs, and all its warmth revealed;
Burst out in sighs, and all its warmth shown;
While such emotion Hispal's eyes expressed,
While Hispal's eyes showed such emotion,
That more than words his anxious wish confessed.
That more than words, his anxious desire revealed.
These tender scenes were followed by a kiss,
These sweet moments were followed by a kiss,
The prelude sweet of soft enchanting bliss;
The introduction is a gentle and captivating joy;
But whether taken, or by choice bestowed,
But whether taken or given by choice,
Alike 'twas clear, their heaving bosoms glowed.
Alike, it was clear, their heaving chests glowed.
THOSE vows now o'er, said Hispal with a sigh,
THOSE vows now over, said Hispal with a sigh,
In this adventure, if we're doomed to die,
In this adventure, if we're destined to die,
Indiff'rent surely 'tis, the prey to be
Indifferent surely it is, the prey to be
Of birds of air, or fishes of the sea;
Of birds in the air, or fish in the sea;
My reason tells me ev'ry grave's the same,
My reason tells me every grave is the same,
Return we must, at last, from whence we came,
Return we must, at last, to where we came from,
Here ling'ring death alone we can expect;
Here we can only expect lingering death;
To brave the waves 'tis better to elect;
To face the waves, it's better to choose;
I yet have strength, and 'tis not far to land;
I still have strength, and it's not far to the shore;
The wind sets fair: let's try to gain the strand;
The wind is good: let's try to reach the shore;
From rock to rock we'll go: I many view,
From rock to rock we'll go: I see many things,
Where I can rest; to THIS we'll bid adieu.
Where I can relax; to THIS we'll say goodbye.
TO move, Alaciel readily agreed;
To move, Alaciel easily agreed;
Again our couple ventured to proceed;
Again, our couple decided to continue;
The casket safe in tow; the weather hot;
The casket safely in tow; the weather is hot;
From rock to rock with care our swimmer got;
From rock to rock, our swimmer moved carefully;
The princess, anxious on his back to keep:—
The princess, worried about staying on his back:—
New mode of traversing the wat'ry deep.
New way of getting across the watery depths.
WITH Heav'n's assistance, and the rocks for rest,
WITH Heaven's help, and the rocks for support,
The youth, by hunger and fatigue oppressed,
The young people, weighed down by hunger and tiredness,
Uneasiness of mind, weighed down with care,
Uneasiness of mind, burdened with worry,
Not for himself, but safety of the fair,
Not for himself, but for the safety of the fair,
A fast of two long tedious days now o'er,
A fast of two long, tiring days is now over,
The casket and the belle he brought on shore:
The casket and the beautiful woman he brought to shore:
I THINK you cry—how wond'rously exact,
I think you cry—how wonderfully accurate,
To bring the casket into ev'ry act!
To bring the casket into every act!
Is that a circumstance of weight I pray?
Is that an important situation, I ask?
It truly seems so, and without delay,
It really seems that way, and without wasting any time,
You'll see if I be wrong; no airy flight,
You'll see if I'm wrong; no fanciful journey,
Or jeer, or raillery, have I in sight.
Or mock, or tease, I have in sight.
Had I embarked our couple in a ship
Had I put us on a ship
Without or cash or jewels for the trip,
Without any cash or jewels for the trip,
Distress had followed, you must be aware;
Distress had followed, you should know;
'Tis past our pow'r to live on love or air;
It's beyond our ability to live on love or air;
In vain AFFECTION ev'ry effort tries
In vain, affection tries every effort.
Inexorable hunger ALL defies.
Unstoppable hunger defies all.
THE casket, with the diamonds proved a source,
THE casket, with the diamonds, proved to be a source,
To which 'twas requisite to have recourse;
To which it was necessary to resort;
Some Hispal sold, and others put in pawn,
Some Hispal sold, and others pawned,
And purchased, near the coast, a house and lawn;
And bought a house and yard near the coast;
With woods, extensive park, and pleasure ground;
With woods, a large park, and a recreational area;
And many bow'rs and shady walks around,
And many groves and shady paths all around,
Where charming hours they passed, and this 'twas plain,
Where they spent enchanting hours, and it was clear,
Without the casket they could n'er obtain.
Without the casket, they could never obtain.
BENEATH the wood there was a secret grot,
BENEATH the woods, there was a hidden grotto,
Where lovers, when they pleased, concealment got,
Where lovers could hide whenever they wanted,
A quiet, gloomy, solitary place,
A calm, dark, lonely spot,
Designed by nature for the billing race.
Designed by nature for the billing race.
ONE day, as through the grove a walk they sought,
ONE day, as they looked for a walk through the grove,
The god of love our couple thither brought;
The god of love brought our couple there;
His wishes, Hispal, as they went along,
His wishes, Hispal, as they continued on,
Explained im part by words direct and strong;
Explained in part by words that are direct and strong;
The rest his sighs expressed, (they spoke the soul;)—
The rest of his sighs revealed what he felt inside; they spoke his soul;—
The princess, trembling, listened to the whole.
The princess, shaking, listened to it all.
Original
SAID he, we now are in a place retired,
SAID he, we are now in a quiet place,
Unknown to man, (such spots how oft desired!)
Unknown to man, (those places how often wanted!)
Let's take advantage of the present hour:
Let's make the most of this moment:
No joys, but those of LOVE, are in our pow'r;
No joys, except those of LOVE, are within our reach;
All others see withdrawn! and no one knows
All others seem distant! and no one understands
We even live; perhaps both friends and foes
We even live; maybe both friends and enemies
Believe us in the belly of a whale;
Believe us, in the belly of a whale;
Allow me, lovely princess, to prevail;
Allow me, beautiful princess, to win;
Bestow your kindness, or, without delay,
Bestow your kindness, or, without hesitation,
Those charms to Mamolin let me convey.
Those charms, let me pass on to Mamolin.
Yet, why go thither?—happy you could make
Yet, why go there?—you’re lucky you could make
The man, whose constancy no perils shake,
The man, whose determination no dangers can unsettle,
What would you more?—his passion's ardent grown;
What else do you want?—his passion has grown intense;
And surely you've enough resistance shown.
And you’ve definitely shown enough resistance.
SUCH tender elocution Hispal used,
Such sweet speech, Hispal used,
That e'en to marble, 'Twould have warmth infused;
That even to marble, it would have warmth infused;
While fair Alaciel, on the bark of trees,
While beautiful Alaciel, on the bark of trees,
With bodkin wrote, apparently at ease.
With a needle wrote, seemingly relaxed.
But Cupid drew her thoughts to higher things,
But Cupid directed her thoughts toward loftier ideals,
Than merely graving what from fancy springs.
Than just carving what comes from imagination.
Her lover and the place, at once assured,
Her lover and the location, both confident,
That such a secret would be well secured;
That such a secret would be kept safe;
A tempting bait, which made her, with regret,
A tempting bait that made her, with regret,
Resist the witching charm that her beset.
Resist the enchanting spell that surrounds her.
UNLUCKILY, 'twas then the month of May,
UNFORTUNATELY, it was then the month of May,
When youthful hearts are often led astray,
When young hearts are often misled,
And soft desire can scarcely be concealed,
And soft desire can barely be hidden,
But presses through the pores to be revealed.
But pushes through the pores to be revealed.
How many do we see, by slow degrees,
How many do we see, little by little,
And, step by step, accord their ALL to please,
And, little by little, give their all to please,
Who, at the onset, never dreamed to grant
Who, at the beginning, never imagined granting
The smallest favour to their fond gallant.
The tiniest favor to their dear admirer.
The god of love so archly acts his part,
The god of love plays his role so cleverly,
And, in unguarded moments, melts the heart,
And, in unguarded moments, melts the heart,
That many belles have tumbled in the snare,
That many beauties have fallen into the trap,
Who, how it happened, scarcely could declare.
Who could even say how it happened?
WHEN they had reached the pleasing secret spot;
WHEN they had reached the nice hidden spot;
Young Hispal wished to go within the grot;
Young Hispal wanted to go inside the grotto;
Though nearly overcome, she this declined;
Though she was almost overwhelmed, she declined.
But then his services arose to mind;
But then he remembered his services;
Her life from Ocean's waves, her honour too,
Her life from the ocean's waves, her honor too,
To him she owed; what could he have in view?
To him she was indebted; what could he be after?
A something, which already has been shown,
A something that has already been shown,
Was saved through Hispal's nervous arm alone:
Was saved through Hispal's anxious arm alone:
Said he, far better bless a real friend,
Said he, it's much better to appreciate a true friend,
Than have each treasure rifled in the end,
Than let each treasure be stolen in the end,
By some successful ruffian; think it o'er;
By some successful thug; think it over;
You little dream for whom you guard the store.
You little dream for whom you watch over the shop.
THE princess felt the truth of this remark,
THE princess felt the truth of this remark,
And half surrendered to the loving spark;
And half given in to the loving spark;
A show'r obliged the pair, without delay,
A shower forced the couple, without hesitation,
To seek a shed:—the place I need not say;
To look for a shed:—the location I don't need to mention;
The rest within the grotto lies concealed:—
The rest inside the cave is hidden:—
The scenes of Cupid ne'er should be revealed.
The scenes of Cupid should never be revealed.
Alaciel blame, or not—I've many known,
Alaciel blame me or not—I’ve known many,
With less excuses, who've like favours shown.
With fewer excuses, who have shown favors.
ALONE the cavern witnessed not their bliss;
ALONE the cave did not witness their happiness;
In love, a point once gained, naught feels amiss,
In love, once a point is reached, nothing feels wrong,
If trees could speak that grew within the dell,
If the trees in the valley could talk,
What joys they viewed—what stories they might tell!
What joys they saw—what stories they could tell!
The park, the lawn, the pleasure grounds, and bow'rs,
The park, the lawn, the recreational areas, and gardens,
The belts of roses, and the beds of flow'rs,
The belts of roses, and the beds of flowers,
All, all could whisper something of the kind;
All, everyone could whisper something like that;
At length, both longed their friends again to find,
At last, both of them longed to find their friends again,
Quite cloyed with love, they sighed to be at court;
Quite overwhelmed with love, they sighed to be at court;
Thus spoke the fair her wishes to support.
Thus spoke the beautiful her desires to help.
LOVED youth, to ME you must be ever dear;
LOVED youth, you must always be dear to me;
To doubt it would ungen'rous now appear;
To doubt it would seem ungrateful now;
But tell me, pray, what's love without desire,
But tell me, please, what's love without desire,
Devoid of fear, and nothing to acquire?
Devoid of fear and nothing to gain?
Flame unconfined is soon exhausted found,
Flame that isn't contained quickly burns out,
But, thwarted in its course 'twill long abound;
But, blocked in its path, it will last for a long time;
I fear this spot, which we so highly prize,
I fear this place, which we value so much,
Will soon appear a desert in our eyes,
Will soon appear a desert before our eyes,
And prove at last our grave; relieve my woe;
And finally show my grave; ease my sorrow;
At once to Alexandria, Hispal go;
At once, go to Alexandria, Hispal;
Alive pronounced, you presently will see,
Alive pronounced, you will see right now,
What worthy people think of you and me;
What valuable people think of you and me;
Conceal our residence, declare you came,
Conceal our home, say you arrived,
My journey to prepare, (your certain aim,)
My journey to prepare, (your definite goal,)
And see that I've a num'rous escort sent,
And notice that I've been sent a large group of companions,
To guard me from a similar event.
To protect me from a similar situation.
By it, believe me, you shall nothing lose;
By it, trust me, you won't lose anything;
And this is what I willingly would choose;
And this is what I would gladly choose;
For, be I single, or in Hymen's band,
For whether I'm single or married,
I'd have you follow me by sea and land,
I'd have you follow me by sea and land,
And be assured, should favour I withdraw,
And rest assured, if I pull back my support,
That I've observed in you some glaring flaw.
That I've noticed a big flaw in you.
WERE her intentions fully as expressed,
WERE her intentions completely as stated,
Or contrary to what her lips confessed,
Or in contrast to what she said,
No matter which her view, 'twas very plain,
No matter what her view was, it was very clear,
If she would Hispal's services retain,
If she would keep Hispal's services,
'Twere right the youth with promises to feed,
'Twas right for the youth to be fed with promises,
While his assistance she so much must need:
While she really needed his help:
As soon as he was ready to depart
As soon as he was ready to leave
She pressed him fondly to her glowing heart,
She held him close to her warm heart,
And charged him with a letter to the king;
And gave him a letter for the king;
This Hispal hastened to the prince to bring;
This Hispal rushed to the prince to deliver;
Each sail he crowded:—plied with ev'ry oar;
Each sail he pushed:—worked with every oar;
A wind quite fair soon brought him to shore;
A pleasant breeze soon carried him to the shore;
To court he went, where all with eager eyes,
To the court he went, where everyone looked on with eager eyes,
Demanded if he lived, amid surprise,
Demanded if he was alive, in shock,
And where he left the princess; what her state?
And where did he leave the princess? What was her condition?
These questions answered, Hispal, quite elate,
These questions answered, Hispal, feeling quite happy,
Procured the escort, which, without delay,
Procured the escort, which, without delay,
Though leaving him behind, was sent away:
Though she left him behind, she was sent away:
No dark mistrust retained the noble youth;
No dark mistrust held back the noble young man;
But Zarus wished it: such appeared the truth.
But Zarus desired it: that’s how it seemed to be the truth.
BY one of early years the troop was led,
BY one of the early years, the group was led,
A handsome lad, and elegantly bred.
A good-looking and polite guy.
He landed with his party near the park.
He arrived with his group near the park.
And these in two divided ere 'twas dark.
And these were separated into two before it got dark.
ONE half he left a guard upon the shore,
ONE half he left a guard on the shore,
And with the other hastened to the door,
And with the others, hurried to the door,
Where dwelled the belle, who daily fairer grew:
Where the beauty lived, who grew more lovely every day:
Our chief was smitten instantly at view;
Our boss was instantly captivated at first sight;
And, fearing opportunity again,
And, afraid of opportunity again,
Like this, perhaps, he never might obtain,
Like this, maybe he would never get,
Avowed at once his passion to the fair;
Avowed at once his love for the beautiful;
At which she frowned, and told him, with an air;
At that, she frowned and told him with a certain attitude;
To recollect his duty, and her rank:—
To remember his duty and her status:—
With equals only, he should be so frank.
With only equals, he should be so open.
ON these occasions, prudent 'tis to show
ON these occasions, it's wise to show
Your disappointment by a face of woe;
Your disappointment by a sorrowful face;
Seem ev'ry way the picture of despair:—
Seem every way the picture of despair:—
This countenance our knight appeared to wear;
This is the expression our knight seemed to have;
To starve himself he vowed was his design;
To starve himself was his plan;
To use the poniard he should ne'er incline,
To use the dagger, he should never lean towards it,
For then no time for penitence would rest.—
For then there would be no time for remorse to linger.—
The princess of his folly made a jest.
The princess of his foolishness made a joke.
He fasted one whole day; she-tried in vain
He fasted for an entire day; she tried in vain
To make him from the enterprise refrain.
To keep him from the business.
AT length, the second day she 'gan to feel,
AT length, on the second day, she began to feel,
And strong emotion scarcely could conceal.
And strong emotion could hardly be hidden.
What! let a person die her charms could save!
What! Let someone die when her charms could save them!
'Twas cruel, thus to treat a youth so brave.
It was harsh to treat such a brave young man this way.
Through pity, she at last, to please the chief,
Through compassion, she finally, to satisfy the leader,
Consented to bestow on him relief;
Agreed to help him;
For, favours, when conferred with sullen air,
For favors, when given with a gloomy attitude,
But little gratify she was aware.
But she was not pleased.
WHen satisfied the smart gallant appeared,
When satisfied, the smart gentleman appeared,
And anxiously to putting off adhered,
And kept putting it off.
Pretending that the wind and tide would fail;
Pretending that the wind and tide would stop;
The galleys sometimes were unfit to sail,
The galleys were sometimes not seaworthy,
Repairs required; then further heard the news,
Repairs needed; then heard the news again,
That certain pirates had unpleasant views;
That some pirates had unpleasant opinions;
To fall upon the escort they'd contrived:
To run into the escort they had planned:
At length, a pirate suddenly arrived,
At last, a pirate unexpectedly showed up,
Surprized the party left upon the shore,
Surprised the party left on the shore,
Destroyed the whole; then sought the house for more,
Destroyed everything; then looked around the house for more,
And scaled the walls while darkness spread around.
And climbed the walls as darkness spread all around.
The pirate was Grifonio's second found,
The pirate was Grifonio's second discovery,
Who, in a trice, the noble mansion took,
Who, in an instant, seized the grand house,
And joy gave place to grief in ev'ry look.
And joy turned to sorrow in every expression.
THe Alexandrian swore and cursed his lot;
The Alexandrian swore and cursed his fate;
The pirate soon the lady's story got,
The pirate soon heard the lady's story,
And, taking her aside, his share required
And, pulling her aside, his part needed
Such impudence Alaciel's patience tired,
Such impudence tired Alaciel's patience,
Who, ev'ry thing refused with haughty air;
Who, everything rejected with a proud attitude;
Of this, howe'er, the robber was aware;
Of this, however, the robber was aware;
In Venus' court no novice was he thought;
In Venus's court, he wasn't seen as a newbie;
To gain the princess anxiously he sought;
To eagerly win the princess, he searched;
Said he, you'd better take me as a friend;
Said he, you should probably see me as a friend;
I'm more than pirate, and you'll comprehend,
I'm more than just a pirate, and you'll understand,
As you've obliged one dying swain to fast,
As you've forced one dying lover to go without food,
You fast in turn, or you'll give way at last;
You take turns fasting, or you'll end up giving in eventually;
'Tis justice this demands: we sons of sea
'Tis justice this demands: we sons of sea
Know how to deal with those of each degree;
Know how to handle people at every level;
Remember you will nothing have to eat,
Remember, you won't have anything to eat,
Till your surrender fully is complete.
Till your surrender is completely done.
NO haggling, princess pray, my word receive;
NO haggling, princess, please accept my word;
What could be done, her terror to relieve?
What could be done to ease her terror?
Above all law is might:—'twill take its course;
Above all, law is power: it will follow its path;
Entire submission is the last resource.
Entire submission is the final resource.
OF'T what we would not, we're obliged to do,
OF'T what we would not, we're obliged to do,
When fate our steps with rigour will pursue.
When fate strictly pursues our path.
No folly greater than to heighten pain,
No greater foolishness than to intensify suffering,
When we are sensible relief is vain.
When we're being reasonable, relief is pointless.
What she, through pity, to another gave,
What she, out of compassion, gave to someone else,
Might well be granted when herself 'twould save.
Might well be granted when it would save herself.
AT length she yielded to this suitor rude:—
At last, she gave in to this rough suitor:—
No grief so great, but what may be subdued.
No grief is so great that it can't be overcome.
'Twould in the pirate doubtless have been wise,
'It would have definitely been wise for the pirate,
The belle to move, and thus prevent surprise;
The beautiful one to move, and thus avoid being caught off guard;
But who, from folly in amours is free?
But who is free from foolishness in love?
The god of love and wisdom ne'er agree.
The god of love and wisdom never agree.
WHILE our gay pirate thought himself at ease,
WHILE our carefree pirate thought he was relaxed,
The wind quite fair to sail when he might please,
The wind was just right to sail whenever he wanted,
Dame Fortune, sleepy only while we wake,
Dame Fortune, asleep only while we are awake,
And slily watching when repose we take,
And quietly observing when we take a break,
Contrived a trick the cunning knave to play,
Contrived a trick for the crafty guy to pull,
And this was put in force ere break of day.
And this was put into effect before dawn.
A LORD, the owner of a neighb'ring seat,
A LORD, the owner of a neighboring estate,
Unmarried;—fond of what was nice and neat,
Unmarried;—liking things to be nice and tidy,
Without attachment, and devoid of care,
Without attachment and free of worry,
Save something new to meet among the FAIR;
Save something new to share at the FAIR;
Grew tired of those he long around had viewed,
Grew tired of those he had seen around for a long time,
Now constantly, in thought, our belle pursued.
Now constantly, in thought, our beauty pursued.
He'd money, friends, and credit all his days,
He had money, friends, and credit throughout his life,
And could two thousand men at pleasure raise:
And could two thousand men easily gather:
One charming morn, together these he brought;
One lovely morning, he brought them together;
Said he, brave fellows, can it well be thought,
Said he, brave guys, can anyone really think,
That we allow a pirate, (dire disgrace!)
That we let a pirate, (what a terrible shame!)
To plunder as he likes before our face,
To steal as he pleases right in front of us,
And make a slave of one whose form 's divine?
And make a slave of someone whose body is divine?
Let's to the castle, such is my design,
Let's go to the castle, that's my plan,
And from the ruffian liberate the fair;
And free the woman from the thug;
This evening ev'ry one will here repair,
This evening everyone will gather here,
Well armed, and then in silence we'll proceed,
Well-armed, and then we'll move forward in silence,
(By night 'tis nothing will impede,)
(By night, nothing will get in the way,)
And ere Aurora peeps, perform the task;
And before dawn breaks, complete the task;
The only booty that I mean to ask
The only thing I want to ask
Is this fair dame; but not a slave to make,
Is this fair lady; but not a slave to create,
I anxiously desire to let her take
I really want to let her take
Whate'er is her's:—restore her honour too;
Whatever belongs to her—restore her honor as well;
All other things I freely leave to you;
All other things I willingly leave to you;
Men, horses, baggage, in a word, the whole
Men, horses, luggage—basically, everything
Of what the knavish rascals now control.
Of what the deceitful tricksters now have power over.
Another thing, howe'er:—I wish to hang
Another thing, though:—I wish to hang
The pirate instantly, before his gang.
The pirate immediately, in front of his crew.
THIS speech so well succeeded to inspire,
THIS speech was so effective in inspiring,
That scarcely could the men retain their ire.
That barely kept the men from losing their tempers.
THE evening came, the party soon arrived;
THE evening came, and the party soon arrived;
They ate not much, but drink their rage revived.
They didn't eat much, but drinking revived their anger.
By such expensive treats we've armies known,
By such costly indulgences, we've recognized armies,
In Germany and Flanders overthrown;
In Germany and Flanders toppled;
And our commander was of this aware
And our commander was aware of this
'Twas prudent, surely, no expense to spare.
It was wise, for sure, to spare no expense.
THEY carried ladders for the escalade,
THEY carried ladders for the climb,
And each was furnished with a tempered blade;
And each was equipped with a tempered blade;
No other thing embarrassing they'd got;
No other embarrassing thing they had.
No drums; but all was silent as the grot.
No drums; but everything was as quiet as the cave.
THEY reached the house when nearly break of day,
THEY arrived at the house just before dawn,
The time old Morpheus' slumbers often weigh;
The ancient Morpheus often feels heavy with sleep;
The gang, with few exceptions, (then asleep),
The gang, with a few exceptions, was then asleep,
Were sent, their vigils with grim death to keep.
Were sent, their watch with grim death to endure.
THE chief hung up:—the princess soon appeared;
THE chief hung up:—the princess soon showed up;
Her spirits presently our champion cheered;
Her spirits were lifted by our champion;
The pirate scarcely had her bosom moved:—
The pirate hardly had her chest stirred:—
No tears at least a marked affection proved;
No tears, at least a strong affection was shown;
But, by her prayers she pardon sought to gain,
But through her prayers, she sought to gain forgiveness,
For some who were not in the conflict slain;
For some who were not killed in the conflict;
Consoled the dying, and lamented those,
Consoled the dying and mourned those,
Who, by the sword, had closed their book of woes:
Who, by the sword, had closed their book of sorrows:
Then left the place without the least regret,
Then left the place without a single regret,
Where such adventures and alarms she'd met.
Where she had encountered such adventures and shocks.
'Tis said, indeed, she presently forgot
'Tis said, indeed, she quickly forgot
The two gallants who last became her lot;
The two gentlemen who recently became her companions;
And I can easily the fact believe:
And I can easily believe the fact:
Removed from sight, but few for lovers grieve.
Removed from sight, but not many mourn for lovers.
SHE, by her neighbour, was received, we're told,
SHE was welcomed by her neighbor, we’re told,
'Mid costly furniture and burnished gold;
'Among expensive furniture and polished gold;
We may suppose what splendour shone around,
We can imagine the brilliance that surrounded us,
When all-attracting he would fain be found;
When he wanted to be found by everyone;
The best of wines; each dish considered rare:—
The finest wines; every dish regarded as a delicacy:—
The gods themselves received not better fare:
The gods themselves didn't get any better treatment:
Till then, Alaciel ne'er had tasted wine;
Till then, Alaciel had never tasted wine;
Her faith forbade a liquor so divine;
Her faith prohibited such divine liquor;
And, unacquainted with the potent juice,
And, unfamiliar with the powerful juice,
She much indulged at table in its use.
She often enjoyed using it at the table.
If lately LOVE disquieted her brain,
If lately LOVE troubled her mind,
New poison now pervaded ev'ry vein;
New poison now filled every vein;
Both fraught with danger to the beauteous FAIR,
Both full of danger to the beautiful FAIR,
Whose charms should guarded be with ev'ry care.
Whose charms should be protected with utmost care.
THE princess by the maids in bed was placed;
THE princess was placed in bed by the maids;
Then thither went the host with anxious haste,
Then there went the group with urgent hurry,
What sought he? you will ask:—mere torpid charms:—
What was he looking for? you will ask:—just dull charms:—
I wish the like were clasped within my arms.
I wish I could hold something like that in my arms.
Give me as much, said one the other week,
Give me as much, one person said the other week,
And see if I'd a neighbour's kindness seek.
And see if I would look for a neighbor's kindness.
Through Morpheus' sleepy pow'r, and Bacchus' wine:
Through Morpheus' sleepy power and Bacchus' wine:
Our host, at length, completed his design.
Our host finally finished his plan.
ALACIEL, when at morn, she oped her eyes,
ALACIEL, when she opened her eyes in the morning,
Was quite o'ercome with terror and surprise,
Was completely overwhelmed with fear and shock,
No tears would flow, and fear restrained her voice;
No tears would fall, and fear held back her voice;
Unable to resist, she'd got no choice.
Unable to resist, she had no choice.
A NIGHT thus passed, the wily lover said,
A night went by, the crafty lover said,
Must surely give a license to your bed.
Must surely give a license to your bed.
The princess thought the same; but our gallant,
The princess felt the same way; but our brave,
Soon cloyed, for other conquests 'gan to pant.
Soon bored, for other victories began to crave.
Original
THE host one evening from the mansion went;
THE host one evening left the mansion;
A friend he left himself to represent,
A friend he entrusted to represent him,
And with the charming fair supply his place,
And with the delightful fair supply in his spot,
Which, in the dark he thought, with easy grace,
Which, in the dark, he thought, with effortless style,
Might be effected, if he held his tongue,
Might happen if he stayed quiet,
And properly behaved the whole night long.
And behaved properly the whole night long.
To this the other willingly agreed;
To this, the others happily agreed;
(What friend would be refused, if thus in need?)
(What friend would be turned away if they were in need?)
And this new-comer had complete success
And this newcomer was completely successful.
He scarcely could his ecstacy express.
He could hardly express his ecstasy.
THE dame exclaimed:—pray how could he pretend;
THE lady exclaimed:—please, how could he pretend;
To treat me so, and leave me to a friend?
To treat me like this and leave me with a friend?
The other thought the host was much to blame;
The others thought the host was really at fault;
But since 'tis o'er, said he, be now your aim,
But since it's done, he said, make your focus now,
To punish his contempt of beauteous charms;
To punish his disdain for beautiful features;
With favours load me—take me to your arms;
With favors, burden me—hold me in your arms;
Caress with fond embrace; bestow delight;
Caress with a loving hug; bring joy;
And seem to love me, though in mere despite.
And they appear to love me, even if it's just out of spite.
SHE followed his advice: avenged the wrong;
SHE took his advice: she got revenge for the wrong done;
And naught omitted, pleasures to prolong.
And nothing left out, pleasures to enjoy longer.
If he obtained his wishes from the fair,
If he got what he wanted from the fair,
The host about it scarcely seemed to care.
The host barely seemed to care about it.
THE sixth adventure of our charming belle,
THE sixth adventure of our charming beauty,
Some writers one way, some another tell;
Some writers tell in one way, some in another;
Whence many think that favour I have shown,
Whence many think that I have shown favor,
And for her, one gallant the less would own.
And for her, there would be one less knight to claim.
Mere scandal this; from truth I would nor swerve,
Mere gossip this; I wouldn't stray from the truth,
To please the fair: more credence I deserve;
To please the lady: I deserve more trust;
Her husband only eight precursors had;
Her husband had only eight signs;
The fact was such;—I none suppress nor add.
The fact is this: I don’t hold back or add anything.
THE host returned and found his friend content;
THE host returned and found his friend happy;
To pardon him Alaciel gave consent;
Alaciel agreed to forgive him;
And 'tween them things would equally divide
And between them, things would be divided equally
Of royal bosoms clemency's the pride.
Of royal hearts, mercy is the pride.
WHILE thus the princess passed from hand to hand
WHILE the princess was being passed around from person to person
She oft amused her fancy 'mong a band
She often entertained her imagination among a group
Of charming belles that on her would attend,
Of charming ladies that would surround her,
And one of these she made an humble friend.
And with one of them, she became a humble friend.
The fav'rite in the house a lover had,
The favorite in the house had a lover,
A smart, engaging, handsome, clever lad,
A smart, charming, good-looking, and clever young man,
Well born, but much to violence inclined
Well-bred but very prone to violence.
A wooer that could scarcely be confined
A suitor who could hardly be contained
To gentle means, but oft his suit began,
To gentle means, but often his request started,
Where others end, who follow Cupid's plan.
Where others stop, who follow Cupid's plan.
IT one day happened, that this forward spark;
IT one day happened, that this bold spark;
The girl we speak of, met within the park,
The girl we're talking about, met in the park,
And to a summer-house the fav'rite drew;
And the favorite led her to a summer house;
The course they took the princess chanced to view
The path they took happened to let the princess see
As wand'ring near; but neither swain nor fair,
As I wandered nearby; but neither shepherd nor maiden,
Suspicion had, that any one was there;
Doubt that anyone was there;
And this gallant most confidently thought,
And this brave person thought confidently,
The girl by force, might to his terms be brought!
The girl could be made to agree to his terms by force!
His wretched temper, obstacle to love,
His miserable temper, a barrier to love,
And ev'ry bliss bestowed by heav'n above,
And every blessing given by heaven above,
Had oft his hopes of favours lately marred;
Had often his hopes of favors recently damaged;
And fear, with those designs, had also jarred:
And fear, along with those plans, had also shaken things up:
The girl, howe'er, would likely have been kind,
The girl, however, would probably have been kind,
If opportunities had pleased her mind.
If opportunities had made her happy.
THE lover, now convinced that he was feared;
THE lover, now sure that he was feared;
In dark designs upon her persevered.
In her mind, she continued to dwell on dark plans.
No sooner had she entered, than our man
No sooner had she walked in than our guy
Locked instantly the door, but vain his plan;
Locked the door right away, but his plan was in vain;
To open it the princess had a key;
To unlock it, the princess had a key;
The girl her fault perceived, and tried to flee;
The girl realized it was her fault and tried to escape;
He held her fast; the charmer loudly called;
He held her tightly; the charmer shouted;
The princess came—or vainly she had squalled.
The princess arrived—or she had complained loudly.
QUITE disappointed: overcome with ire,
Very disappointed: filled with anger,
He wholly lost respect amid desire,
He completely lost respect in the midst of desire,
And swore by all the gods, that, ere they went,
And swore by all the gods that, before they left,
The one or other should to him consent;
The one or two should agree with him;
Their hands he'd firmly tie to have his way;
Their hands he'd firmly tie to get his way;
For help (the place so far) 'twere vain to pray;
For help (the place so far) it would be useless to pray;
To take a lot was all that he'd allow;
To take a lot was all he would allow;
Come, draw, he said; to Fortune you must bow;
Come, draw, he said; you have to bow to Fortune;
No haggling I request—comply; be still:
No haggling, please—just comply; stay calm:
Resolved I am with one to have my will.
Resolved I am to get my way.
WHAT has the princess done? the girl replied,
WHAT has the princess done? the girl replied,
That you, to make her suffer, thus decide
That you decide to make her suffer
Yes, said the spark, if on her fall the lot,
Yes, said the spark, if on her fall the lot,
Then you'll, at least for present, be forgot.
Then you'll be forgotten, at least for now.
NO, cried Alaciel, ne'er I'll have it said,
NO, cried Alaciel, I won’t let it be said,
To sacrifice I saw a maiden led;
To sacrifice, I saw a young woman being taken.
I'll suffer rather all that you expect,
I'll endure everything you expect me to,
If you will spare my friend as I direct.
If you will let my friend go as I say.
'Twas all in vain, the lots were drawn at last,
'Twas all in vain, the lots were drawn at last,
And on the princess was the burthen cast;
And the burden was placed on the princess;
The other was permitted to retire,
The other was allowed to step back,
And each was sworn that nothing should transpire:
And each swore that nothing would happen:
But our gallant would sooner have been hung,
But our brave hero would rather have been hanged,
Than have upon such secrets held his tongue;
Than to keep silent about such secrets;
'Tis clear, no longer silent he remained,
'Tis clear, he no longer stayed silent,
Than one to listen to his tale he'd gained.
Than one to listen to his story he'd gained.
THIS change of favourites the princess grieved;
THIS change of favorites made the princess sad;
That Cupid trifled with her she perceived;
That Cupid was playing with her, she realized;
With much regret she saw her blooming charms,
With great sadness, she watched her blooming beauty,
The Helen of too many Paris' arms.
The Helen in too many of Paris's arms.
ONE day it happened, as our beauteous belle
ONE day it happened, as our beautiful girl
Was sleeping in a wood beside a dell,
Was sleeping in a woods next to a small valley,
By chance there passed, quite near, a wand'ring knight,
By chance, a wandering knight happened to pass by quite close,
Like those the ladies followed with delight,
Like those the women followed with joy,
When they on palfreys rode in days of old,
When they rode on horses back in the day,
And purity were always thought to hold.
And purity was always believed to possess.
THIS knight, who copied those of famed romance,
THIS knight, who imitated those of legendary stories,
Sir Roger, and the rest, in complisance,
Sir Roger and the others, out of politeness,
No sooner saw the princess thus asleep,
No sooner did the princess see her asleep,
Than instantly he wished a kiss to reap.
Than instantly he wished for a kiss to receive.
While thinking, whether from the neck or lip,
While thinking, whether from the neck or lips,
'Twere best the tempting balm of bliss to sip,
'Tis best to sip the tempting balm of happiness,
He suddenly began to recollect
He suddenly started to remember
The laws of chivalry he should respect.
He should respect the rules of chivalry.
Although the thought retained, his fervent prayer
Although the thought remained, his intense prayer
To Cupid was, that while the nymph was there,
To Cupid was, that while the nymph was there,
Her fascinating charms he might enjoy;
Her captivating charms he might enjoy;
Sure love's soft senses were ne'er designed to cloy!
Sure, love's gentle feelings were never meant to overwhelm!
THE princess woke, and great surprise expressed;
THE princess woke, and her surprise was immense;
Oh! charming fair, said he, be not distressed;
Oh! lovely lady, he said, do not be upset;
No savage of the woods nor giant 's nigh,
No wild person from the woods or giant is nearby,
A wand'ring knight alone you now descry,
A wandering knight alone you now see,
Delighted thus to meet a beauteous belle
Delighted to meet a beautiful girl
Such charms divine, what angel can excel!
Such divine charms, which angel can surpass!
THIS compliment was followed by his sighs,
THIS compliment was followed by his sighs,
And frank confession, both from tongue and eyes;
And a sincere confession, both spoken and shown.
Our lover far in little time could go;
Our lover couldn’t go very far in a short time;
At length, he offered on her to bestow,
At last, he suggested giving it to her,
His hand and heart, and ev'ry thing beside,
His hand and heart, and everything else,
Which custom sanctions when we seek a bride.
Which customs are observed when we look for a bride?
WITH courtesy his offer was received,
WITH courtesy, his offer was accepted,
And she related what her bosom grieved;
And she shared what was weighing on her heart;
Detailed her hist'ry, but with care concealed
Detailed her history, but carefully kept it hidden.
The six gallants, as wrong to be revealed.
The six gallants, as wrong to be exposed.
The knight, in what he wished, indulgence got;
The knight got the indulgence he desired;
And, while the princess much deplored her lot,
And, while the princess greatly regretted her situation,
The youth proposed Alaciel he should bring,
The young man suggested that Alaciel should be brought,
To Mamolin, or Alexandria's king.
To Mamolin, or Alexandria's ruler.
TO Mamolin? replied the princess fair,
TO Mamolin? replied the beautiful princess,
No, no—I now indeed would fain repair,
No, no—I really would like to fix things now,
(Could I my wishes have), to Zarus' court,
(Could I my wishes have), to Zarus' court,
My native country:—thither give support.
My home country:—there provide support.
IF Cupid grant me life, rejoined the knight,
IF Cupid grants me life, the knight replied,
You there shall go, and I'll assist your flight;
You will go there, and I’ll help you on your way;
To have redress, upon yourself depends,
To seek justice, it all depends on you,
As well as to requite the best of friends;
As well as to repay the kindness of true friends;
But should I perish in the bold design,
But if I die in this daring plan,
Submit you must, as wills the pow'rs divine.
Submit you must, as the divine powers wish.
I'll freely say, howe'er, that I regard,
I'll freely say, however, that I regard,
My services enough to claim reward.
My services are enough to deserve a reward.
ALACIEL readily to this agreed;
ALACIEL readily agreed to this;
And favours fondly promised to concede;
And favors sweetly promised to grant;
T'ensure, indeed, his guarding her throughout,
T'ensure, indeed, his guarding her throughout,
They were to be conferred upon the route,
They were to be given along the route,
From time to time as onward they should go,
From time to time as they continued on,
Not all at once, but daily some to flow.
Not all at once, but some each day.
THINGS thus arranged, the fair behind the knight
THINGS thus arranged, the fair behind the knight
Got up at once, and with him took to flight.
Got up immediately and ran away with him.
Our cavalier his servants sought to find,
Our brave knight sought to find his servants,
That, when he crossed the wood, he left behind;
That, when he went through the woods, he left behind;
With these a nephew and his tutor rode;
With these, a nephew and his tutor rode;
The belle a palfrey took, as more the mode,
The beautiful woman took a palfrey, as was more common,
But, by her walked attentively the spark,
But the spark walked carefully by her,
A tale he'd now relate; at times remark
A story he would now share; sometimes he would comment
The passing scene; then press his ardent flame;
The passing scene; then ignite his intense passion;
And thus amused our royal, beauteous dame.
And so our beautiful royal lady was entertained.
THE treaty was most faithfully observed;
THE treaty was followed very closely;
No calculation wrong; from naught they swerved.
No mistakes were made; they didn't stray from nothing.
At length they reached the sea; on ship-board got;
At last, they reached the sea and boarded the ship;
A quick and pleasing passage was their lot;
A fast and enjoyable journey was what they experienced;
Delightfully serene, which joy increased;
Delightfully peaceful, which joy grew;
To land they came (from perils thought released;)
To the shore they arrived (thinking they were free from danger;)
At Joppa they debarked; two days remained:
At Joppa, they got off the ship; two days were left:
And when refreshed, the proper road they gained;
And when they felt refreshed, they reached the right road;
Their escort was the lover's train alone;
Their escort was just the lover’s entourage;
On Asia's shores to plunder bands are prone;
On Asia's shores, groups are ready to plunder;
By these were met our spark and lovely fair;
By these, our spark and beautiful lady were encountered;
New dangers they, alas! were forced to share.
New dangers they, unfortunately, had to face.
TO cede, at first, their numbers forced the train;
TO cede, at first, their numbers pushed the train;
But rallied by our knight they were again;
But they were rallied again by our knight;
A desp'rate push he made; repulsed their force;
A desperate push he made; drove back their force;
And by his valour stopt, at length, their course;
And with his bravery, he finally stopped their advance;
In which attack a mortal wound he got,
In that attack, he sustained a deadly wound,
But was not left for dead upon the spot.
But was not left for dead on the spot.
BEFORE his death he full instructions gave,
BEFORE his death he gave full instructions,
To grant the belle whatever she might crave;
To give the beautiful woman anything she wants;
He ordered too, his nephew should convey,
He also ordered, his nephew should deliver,
Alaciel to her home without delay,
Alaciel went home immediately,
Bequeathing him whatever he possessed,
Leaving him everything he owned,
And—what the princess owed among the rest.
And—what the princess owed among the rest.
AT length, from dread alarms and tears released,
AT last, freed from fear and tears,
The pair fulfilled the will of our deceased;
The couple carried out the wishes of our deceased;
Discharged each favour was, of which the last
Discharged was each favor, of which the last
Was cancelled just as they the frontiers passed.
Was canceled just as they crossed the borders.
THE nephew here his precious charge resigned,
THE nephew here entrusted his precious responsibility,
For fear the king should be displeased to find,
For fear that the king might be unhappy to discover,
His daughter guarded by a youthful swain:—
His daughter watched over by a young man:—
The tutor only with her could remain.
The tutor could only stay with her.
NO words of mine, no language can express
NO words of mine, no language can express
The monarch's joy his child to re-possess;
The king's joy at having his child back;
And, since the difficulty I perceive,
And, since the difficulty I see,
I'll imitate old Sol's retreat at eve,
I'll mimic the sun setting in the evening,
Who falls with such rapidity of view,
Who falls with such quickness of sight,
He seems to plunge, dame Thetis to pursue.
He seems to dive in, Lady Thetis to chase after.
THE tutor liked his own details to hear,
THE tutor liked to hear details about himself,
And entertaining made his tales appear:
And entertaining made his stories seem:
The num'rous perils that the fair had fled,
The many dangers that the fair had escaped,
Who laughed aside, no doubt, at what he said.
Who laughed off what he said.
I SHOULD observe, the aged tutor cried,
I should point out, the old tutor exclaimed,
The princess, while for liberty she sighed,
The princess longed for freedom,
And quite alone remained (by Hispal left,)
And he was left all alone (to the left of Hispal),
That she might be of idleness bereft,
That she might be free from idleness,
Resolved most fervently a god to serve,
Resolved most passionately to serve a deity,
From whom she scarcely since would ever swerve,
From whom she barely ever strayed,
A god much worshipped 'mong the people there,
A god that is highly revered among the people there,
With num'rous temples which his honours share,
With numerous temples that honor him,
Denominated cabinets and bow'rs,
Denominated cabinets and booths,
In which, from high respect to heav'nly pow'rs,
In which, out of great respect for heavenly powers,
They represent the image of a bird,
They represent the image of a bird,
A pleasing sight, though (what appears absurd)
A nice view, although (what seems ridiculous)
'Tis bare of plumage, save about the wings;
'Tis bare of feathers, except for the wings;
To this each youthful bosom incense brings,
To this, every young heart brings incense,
While other gods, as I've been often told,
While I've often heard that other gods,
They scarcely notice, till they're growing old.
They hardly notice until they start getting older.
DID you but know the virtuous steps she trod,
DID you know the good choices she made,
While thus devoted to the little god,
While focused on the little god,
You'd thank a hundred times the pow'rs above,
You'd thank the higher powers a hundred times,
That gave you such a child to bless your love.
That gave you such a child to bless your love.
But many other customs there abound:—
But there are many other customs present:—
The FAIR with perfect liberty are found:
The fair with perfect freedom are found:
Can go and come, whene'er the humour fits;
Can go and come whenever the mood strikes;
No eunuch (shadow like) that never quits;
No eunuch (like a shadow) that never leaves;
But watches ev'ry movement:—always feared;
But watches every movement:—always feared;
No men, but who've upon the chin a beard:
No men, but those who have a beard on their chin:
Your daughter from the first, their manners took:
Your daughter from the start, they took her manners:
So easy is her ev'ry act and look,
So effortless is everything she does and how she looks,
And truly to her honour I may say,
And truly, I can say for her honor,
She's all-accommodating ev'ry way.
She's super accommodating in every way.
THE king delighted seemed at what he heard;
THE king appeared pleased by what he heard;
But since her journey could not be deferred,
But since her journey couldn't be delayed,
The princess, with a num'rous escort, tried
The princess, surrounded by a large group of attendants, attempted
Again o'er seas t'wards Garba's shores to glide,
Again over seas towards Garba's shores to glide,
And, there arrived, was cordially received
And there arrived, and was warmly welcomed.
By Mamolin, who loved, she soon believed,
By Mamolin, who loved, she soon believed,
To fond excess; and, all her suite to aid,
To indulge excessively; and, all her attendants to help,
A handsome gift to ev'ry one was made.
A nice gift was given to everyone.
THE king with noble feasts the court regaled,
THE king entertained the court with grand feasts,
At which Alaciel pleasantly detailed
At which Alaciel happily described
just what she liked, or true or false, 'twas clear;
just what she liked, or whether it was true or false, was obvious;
The prince and courtiers were disposed to hear.
The prince and the courtiers were willing to listen.
AT night the queen retired to soft repose,
AT night the queen went to sleep comfortably,
From whence next morn with honour she arose;
From where she got up with honor the next morning;
The king was found much pleasure to express;
The king found it very enjoyable to express himself;
Alaciel asked no more, you well may guess.
Alaciel didn't ask anymore, you can probably guess.
BY this we learn, that husbands who aver
BY this we learn, that husbands who claim
Their wond'rous penetration often err;
Their amazing insights often miss;
And while they fancy things so very plain,
And while they think things are so straightforward,
They've been preceded by a fav'rite swain.
They've been preceded by a favorite guy.
The safest rule 's to be upon your guard;
The safest rule is to stay alert;
Fear ev'ry guile; yet hope the full reward.
Fear every trick; yet hope for the complete reward.
SWEET, charming FAIR, your characters revere;
SWEET, charming FAIR, your characters admire;
The Mamolin's a bird not common here.
The Mamolin is a bird that's not commonly found here.
With us Love's fascination is so soon
With us, Love's allure is so quick
Succeeded by the licensed honey moon,
Succeeded by the official honeymoon,
There's scarcely opportunity to fool,
There's hardly a chance to fool,
Though oft the husband proves an easy tool.
Though often the husband turns out to be an easy target.
YOUR friendships may be very chaste and pure,
YOUR friendships may be very innocent and pure,
But strangely Cupid's lessons will allure.
But strangely, Cupid's lessons will entice.
Defeat his wiles; resist his tempting charms
Defeat his tricks; resist his tempting charms.
E'en from suspicion suffer not alarms.
Even from suspicion, don't let alarms affect you.
Don't laugh at my advice; 'twere like the boys,
Don't laugh at my advice; it would be like the boys,
Who better might amuse themselves with toys.
Who better could entertain themselves with toys?
IF any one, howe'er unable seem,
IF anyone, no matter how unable they may seem,
To make resistance 'gainst the flame supreme
To make resistance against the flames supreme
Turn ALL to jest; though right to keep the crown
Turn everything into a joke; even if it's right to hold the crown.
Yet lost, 'there wrong, yourself to hang or drown.
Yet lost, 'there's no right way to hang or drown yourself.
THE MAGICK CUP
Original
THE worst of ills, with jealousy compared,
THE worst of evils, when compared to jealousy,
Are trifling torments ev'ry where declared.
Petty annoyances are everywhere.
IMAGINE, to yourself a silly fool,
IMAGINE, to yourself a silly fool,
To dark suspicion grown an easy tool;
To dark suspicion has become an easy tool;
No soft repose he finds, by night or day;
No peaceful rest does he find, night or day;
But rings his ear, he's wretched ev'ry way!
But it rings in his ear, he's miserable in every way!
Continually he dreams his forehead sprouts;
Continually he dreams his forehead grows;
The truth of reveries he never doubts.
The truth of his daydreams is something he never questions.
But this I would not fully guaranty,
But I can’t fully guarantee this,
For he who dreams, 'tis said, asleep should be;
For the one who dreams, it's said, should be asleep;
And those who've caught, from time to time, a peep,
And those who've caught, from time to time, a glimpse,
Pretend to say—the jealous never sleep.
Pretend to say—the jealous never sleep.
A MAN who has suspicions soon will rouse;
A man who has doubts will soon become alert;
But buz a fly around his precious spouse,
But buzz a fly around his precious spouse,
At once he fancies cuckoldom is brought,
At once he imagines that he's been cheated on,
And nothing can eradicate the thought;
And nothing can get rid of the thought;
In spite of reason he must have a place,
In spite of logic, he must have a place,
And numbered be, among the horned race;
And be numbered among the horned animals;
A cuckold to himself he freely owns,
A man who admits he’s been cheated on,
Though otherwise perhaps in flesh and bones.
Though maybe different in body and form.
GOOD folks, of cuckoldom, pray what's the harm,
GOOD folks, of cheating, what's the harm,
To give, from time to time, such dire alarm?
To occasionally cause such serious concern?
What injury 's received, and what 's the wrong,
What injury has been received, and what is the problem,
At which so many sneer and loll their tongue?
At which so many scoff and stick out their tongues?
While unacquainted with the fact, 'tis naught;
While unaware of the fact, it's nothing;
If known:—e'en then 'tis scarcely worth a thought.
If it's known:—even then it's hardly worth considering.
You think, however, 'tis a serious grief;
You think, however, it's a serious sorrow;
Then try to doubt it, which may bring relief,
Then try to question it, which might bring some relief,
And don't resemble him who took a sup,
And don't be like the person who took a sip,
From out the celebrated magick cup.
From the legendary magic cup.
Be warned by others' ills; the tale I'll tell;
Be cautious of the problems others face; here's the story I'll share;
Perhaps your irksomeness it may dispel.
Perhaps it will get rid of your annoyance.
BUT first, by reason let me prove, I pray,
BUT first, let me prove my point with reason, I ask,
That evil such as this, and which you say,
That kind of evil, like what you’re talking about,
Oft weighs you down with soul-corroding care;
Often weighs you down with soul-crushing worry;
Is only in the mind:—mere spright of air:
Is only in the mind:—just a wisp of air:
Your hat upon your head for instance place,
Your hat, for example, put on your head,
Less gently rather than's your usual case;
Less gently than your usual case;
Pray, don't it presently at ease remain?
Pray, doesn't it stay comfortable right now?
And from it do you aught amiss retain?
And do you hold onto anything wrong from it?
Not e'en a spot; there's nothing half so clear;
Not even a spot; there's nothing so clear;
The features, too, they as before appear?
The features still show up, right?
No difference assuredly you see?
No difference, you see?
Then how can cuckoldom an evil be?
Then how can being a cuckold be bad?
Such my conclusion, spite of fools or brutes,
Such is my conclusion, despite fools or idiots,
With whose ideas reason never suits.
With whose ideas reason never fits.
YES, yes, but honour has, you know, a claim:
YES, yes, but honor has, you know, a right:
Who e'er denied it?—never 'twas my aim.
Who ever denied it?—it was never my intention.
But what of honour?—nothing else is heard;
But what about honor?—that's all anyone's talking about;
At Rome a different conduct is preferred;
At Rome, a different approach is favored;
The cuckold there, who takes the thing to heart,
The jealous husband there, who feels deeply affected,
Is thought a fool, and acts a blockhead's part;
Is thought a fool and behaves like a blockhead;
While he, who laughs, is always well received
While the person who laughs is always welcomed
And honest fellow through the town believed.
And an honest guy was believed throughout the town.
Were this misfortune viewed with proper eyes,
Were this misfortune seen with the right perspective,
Such ills from cuckoldom would ne'er arise.
Such problems from being a cuckold would never happen.
THAT advantageous 'tis, we now will prove:
THAT it's beneficial, we will now demonstrate:
Folks laugh; your wife a pliant glove shall move;
Folks laugh; your wife will be a flexible partner;
But, if you've twenty favourites around,
But if you have twenty favorites around,
A single syllable will ne'er resound.
A single syllable will never sound.
Whene'er you speak, each word has double force;
Whenever you speak, each word carries double meaning;
At table, you've precedency of course,
At the table, you have priority, of course,
And oft will get the very nicest parts;
And often will get the very best parts;
Well pleased who serves you!—all the household smarts
Well-pleased are those who serve you!—everyone in the household is sharp.
No means neglect your favour to obtain;
No means neglect your favor to obtain;
You've full command; resistance would be vain.
You’re in complete control; opposing you would be pointless.
Whence this conclusion must directly spring:
Whence this conclusion must directly arise:
To be a cuckold is a useful thing.
To be a cuckold is a useful thing.
AT cards, should adverse fortune you pursue;
AT cards, if bad luck comes after you;
To take revenge is ever thought your due;
To get revenge is always seen as something you deserve;
And your opponent often will revoke,
And your opponent will often break the rules,
That you for better luck may have a cloak:
That you may have better luck with a cloak:
If you've a friend o'er head and ears in debt:
If you have a friend who is deep in debt:
At once, to help him numbers you can get.
At the same time, you can get numbers to help him.
You fancy these your rind regales and cheers
You enjoy these your peels, delights, and joys
She's better for it; more beautiful appears;
She's better for it; she seems more beautiful;
The Spartan king, in Helen found new charms,
The Spartan king discovered new attractions in Helen,
When he'd recovered her from Paris' arms.
When he'd taken her back from Paris' grasp.
YOUR wife the same; to make her, in your eye,
YOUR wife the same; to make her, in your eye,
More beautiful 's the aim you may rely;
More beautiful is the goal you can depend on;
For, if unkind, she would a hag be thought,
For, if she were unkind, people would think she was a witch,
Incapable soft love scenes to be taught.
Incapable soft love scenes to be taught.
These reasons make me to my thesis cling,—
These reasons compel me to hold on to my thesis,—
To be a cuckold is a useful thing.
To be a cuckold is a useful thing.
IF much too long this introduction seem,
IF this introduction seems much too long,
The obvious cause is clearly in the theme,
The obvious cause is clearly in the theme,
And should not certainly be hurried o'er,
And definitely shouldn’t be rushed through,
But now for something from th' historick store.
But now for something from the history books.
A CERTAIN man, no matter for his name,
A certain man, regardless of his name,
His country, rank, nor residence nor fame,
His country, status, home, or reputation,
Through fear of accidents had firmly sworn,
Through fear of accidents, had firmly sworn,
The marriage chain should ne'er by him be worn;
The marriage chain should never be worn by him;
No tie but friendship, from the sex he'd crave:
No bond but friendship, from the sex he'd desire:
If wrong or right, the question we will wave.
If it's right or wrong, we'll set the question aside.
Be this as 't will, since Hymen could not find
Be that as it may, since Hymen couldn't find
Our wight to bear the wedded knot inclined,
Our right to tie the knot inclined,
The god of love, to manage for him tried,
The god of love tried to handle things for him,
And what he wished, from time to time supplied;
And what he wanted was occasionally provided;
A lively fair he got, who charms displayed,
A lively fair he got, who charms displayed,
And made him father to a little maid;
And made him a father to a little girl;
Then died, and left the spark dissolved in tears:
Then died, leaving the spark lost in tears:
Not such as flow for wives, (as oft appears)
Not like the way it flows for wives, (as often seems)
When mourning 's nothing more than change of dress:
When mourning is just a change of clothes:
His anguish spoke the soul in great distress.
His pain revealed a deeply troubled soul.
THE daughter grew in years, improved in mien,
THE daughter grew older, became more beautiful,
And soon the woman in her air was seen;
And soon the woman was spotted in her surroundings;
Time rolls apace, and once she's ridded of her bib,
Time moves quickly, and once she’s free of her bib,
Then alters daily, and her tongue gets glib,
Then changes every day, and she becomes more smooth-tongued,
Each year still taller, till she's found at length;
Each year still grows taller, until she’s finally found;
A perfect belle in look, in age, in strength.
A perfect beauty in appearance, in age, in strength.
His forward child, the father justly feared,
His bold child, the father rightly worried,
Would cheat the priest of fees so much revered;
Would cheat the priest of fees that are so highly regarded;
The lawyer too, and god of marriage-joys;
The lawyer too, and the god of marriage happiness;
Sad fault, that future prospects oft destroys:
Sad flaw, that future hopes often ruins:
To trust her virtue was not quite so sure;
To trust her integrity wasn't entirely certain;
He chose a convent, to be more secure,
He chose a convent for added security,
Where this young charmer learned to pray and sew;
Where this young charm learned to pray and sew;
No wicked books, unfit for girls to know,
No inappropriate books that are unsuitable for girls to read,
Corruption's page the senses to beguile
Corruption's page deceives the senses.
Dan Cupid never writes in convent style:
Dan Cupid never writes in a formal style:
OF nothing would she talk but holy-writ;
OF nothing would she talk but scripture;
On which she could herself so well acquit,
On which she could justify herself so well,
That oft the gravest teachers were confused;
That often the most serious teachers were mixed up;
To praise her beauty, scarcely was excused;
To compliment her beauty was hardly permitted;
No flatt'ry pleasure gave, and she'd reply:
No flattery brought her any joy, and she'd respond:
Good sister stay!—consider, we must die;
Good sister, wait!—think about it, we all have to die;
Each feature perishes:—'tis naught but clay;
Each feature fades away: it's nothing but clay;
And soon will worms upon our bodies prey:
And soon worms will feast on our bodies:
Superior needle-work our fair could do;
Superior needlework our fair could do;
The spindle turn at ease:—embroider too;
The spindle spins easily:—embroider too;
Minerva's skill, or Clotho's, could impart;
Minerva's or Clotho's skill could give.
In tapestry she'd gained Arachne's art;
In weaving, she had mastered Arachne's skill;
And other talents, too, the daughter showed;
And the daughter also displayed other talents;
Her sense, wealth, beauty, soon were spread abroad:
Her intelligence, wealth, and beauty quickly became known far and wide:
But most her wealth a marked attention drew;
But most of her wealth drew a lot of attention;
The belle had been immured with prudent view,
The beautiful woman had been kept in confinement for careful reasons,
To keep her safely till a spouse was found,
To keep her safe until a partner was found,
Who with sufficient riches should abound.
Whoever has enough wealth should thrive.
From convents, heiresses are often led
From convents, heiresses are often taken
Directly to the altar to be wed.
Directly to the altar to get married.
SOME time the father had the girl declared
SOME time the father had the girl declared
His lawful child, who all his fondness shared.
His legitimate child, who shared all his affection.
As soon as she was free from convent walls,
As soon as she was out of the convent,
Her taste at once was changed from books to balls;
Her interest quickly shifted from reading books to attending parties;
Around Calista (such was named our fair)
Around Calista (that's what our fair was called)
A host of lovers showed attentive care;
A bunch of lovers showed attentive care;
Cits, courtiers, officers, the beau, the sage,
Cits, courtiers, officers, the stylish one, the wise one,
Adventurers of ev'ry rank and age.
Adventurers of every rank and age.
FROM these Calista presently made choice,
FROM these, Calista recently made her choice,
Of one for whom her father gave his voice;
Of someone for whom her father gave his voice;
A handsome lad, and thought good humoured too
A good-looking guy, and he seemed cheerful as well.
Few otherwise appear when first they woo.
Few seem different when they first court.
Her fortune ample was; the dow'r the same;
Her fortune was plentiful; the dowry was the same;
The belle an only child; the like her flame.
The beauty is an only child; just like her passion.
But better still, our couple's chief delight,
But even better, the main joy of our couple,
Was mutual love and pleasure to excite.
Was shared love and enjoyment to spark.
TWO years in paradise thus passed the pair,
TWO years in paradise went by for the couple,
When bliss was changed to Hell's worst cank'ring care;
When happiness turned into Hell's worst, gnawing worry;
A fit of jealousy the husband grieved,
A bout of jealousy troubled the husband,
And, strange to tell, he all at once believed,
And, oddly enough, he suddenly believed,
A lover with success his wife addressed,
A successful lover spoke to his wife,
When, but for him, the suit had ne'er been pressed;
When it wasn't for him, the suit would have never been pressed;
For though the spark, the charming fair to gain,
For even though the spark, the lovely one to win,
Would ev'ry wily method try, 'twas plain,
Would every clever method try, it was clear,
Yet had the husband never terrors shown,
Yet the husband had never shown any fears,
The lover, in despair, had quickly flown.
The lover, in despair, had quickly left.
WHAT should a husband do whose wife is sought,
WHAT should a husband do whose wife is pursued,
With anxious fondness by another? Naught.
With anxious affection for someone else? Nothing.
'Tis this that leads me ever to advise,
'Tis this that leads me always to advise,
To sleep at ease whichever side he lies.
To sleep comfortably no matter which side he lies on.
In case she lends the spark a willing ear,
In case she listens to the spark,
'Twill not be better if you interfere:
It won’t be better if you interfere:
She'll seek more opportunities you'll find;
She'll look for more opportunities you'll see;
But if to pay attention she's inclined,
But if she's inclined to pay attention,
You'll raise the inclination in her brain,
You'll spark her interest.
And then the danger will begin again.
And then the danger will start all over again.
WHERE'ER suspicion dwells you may be sure,
WHERE'ER suspicion dwells you may be sure,
To cuckoldom 'twill prove a place secure.
To being a cuckold, it will prove to be a safe spot.
But Damon (such the husband's name), 'tis clear,
But Damon (that’s the husband’s name), it’s clear,
Thought otherwise, as we shall make appear.
Thought differently, as we will demonstrate.
He merits pity, and should be excused,
He deserves pity and should be forgiven,
Since he, by bad advice, was much abused;
Since he was poorly advised, he was treated unfairly;
When had he trusted to himself to guide,
When had he relied on himself to lead,
He'd acted wisely,'—hear and you'll decide.
He made a smart move—listen, and you'll make up your mind.
THE Enchantress Neria flourished in those days;
THE Enchantress Neria thrived in those days;
E'en Circe, she excelled in Satan's ways;
Even Circe, she excelled in Satan's ways;
The storms she made obedient to her will,
The storms she commanded to obey her wishes,
And regulated with superior skill;
And managed with expert skill;
In chains the destinies she kept around;
In chains, she held onto the destinies.
The gentle zephyrs were her sages found;
The soft breezes were her wise guides;
The winds, her lacqueys, flew with rapid course;
The winds, her attendants, rushed by quickly;
Alert, but obstinate, with pow'rful force.
Alert, yet stubborn, with strong determination.
WITH all her art th' enchantress could not find,
WITH all her skill, the enchantress could not find,
A charm to guard her 'gainst the urchin blind;
A charm to protect her from the blind urchin;
Though she'd the pow'r to stop the star of day,
Though she had the power to stop the sun,
She burned to gain a being formed of clay.
She passionately desired to create a being made of clay.
If merely a salute her wish had been,
If all her wish had been was a salute,
She might have had it, easily was seen;
She could have had it, it was clear.
But bliss unbounded clearly was her view,
But total happiness was clearly what she saw,
And this with anxious ardour she'd pursue.
And she would pursue this with eager determination.
Though charms she had, still Damon would remain,
Though she had charms, Damon would still stay,
To her who had his heart a faithful swain:
To her who had his heart, a loyal boyfriend:
In vain she sought the genial soft caress:
In vain she searched for the warm, gentle touch:
To Neria naught but friendship he'd express.
To Neria, he would only express friendship.
Like Damon, husbands nowhere now are found,
Like Damon, husbands are nowhere to be found now,
And I'm not certain, such were e'er on ground.
And I'm not sure if they were ever on the ground.
I rather fancy, hist'ry is not here,
I really think history isn't here,
What we would wish, since truth it don't revere,
What we would wish, since truth doesn't hold any value,
I nothing in the hippogriff perceive,
I see nothing in the hippogriff,
Or lance enchanted, but we may believe;
Or enchanted lance, but we might believe;
Yet this I must confess has raised surprise,
Yet I have to admit this has come as a surprise,
Howe'er, to pass it will perhaps suffice;
However, passing it might be enough;
I've many passed the same,—in ancient days;
I've passed many of the same in ancient days;
Men different were from us: had other ways;
Men were different from us; they had other ways;
Unlike the present manners, we'll suppose;
Unlike today's etiquette, let's assume;
Or history would other facts disclose.
Or history would reveal other facts.
THE am'rous Neria to obtain her end,
THE am'rous Neria to obtain her goal,
Made use of philters, and would e'en descend;
Made use of potions, and would even come down;
To ev'ry wily look and secret art,
To every clever glance and hidden skill,
That could to him she loved her flame impart.
That could to him she loved her flame share.
Our swain his marriage vow to this opposed;
Our guy opposed this marriage vow;
At which th' enchantress much surprise disclosed.
At which the enchantress revealed her surprise.
You doubtless fancy, she exclaimed one day,
You probably think, she said one day,
That your fidelity must worth display;
That your loyalty should be evident;
But I should like to know if equal care,
But I would like to know if the same level of care,
Calista takes to act upon the square.
Calista decides to take action in the square.
Suppose your wife had got a smart gallant,
Suppose your wife had met a charming guy,
Would you refuse as much a fair to grant?
Would you deny something so fair to give?
And if Calista, careless of your fame,
And if Calista, unconcerned about your reputation,
Should carry to extremes a guilty flame,
Should take a guilty passion to the extreme,
Would you but half way go? I truly thought,
Would you just go halfway? I really thought,
By sturdy hymen thus you'd not be caught.
By a strong bond, you wouldn't be trapped like that.
Domestick joys should be to cits confined;
Domesticated joys should be reserved for city dwellers;
For none but such were scenes like those designed.
For only scenes like those were intended.
BUT as to you:—decline Love's choice pursuit!
BUT as for you:—avoid the pursuit of Love's choice!
No anxious wish to taste forbidden fruit?
No eager desire to try something you shouldn't?
Though such you banish from your thoughts I see,
Though you try to push such thoughts away, I can see them.
A friend thereto I fain would have you be.
A friend, I would gladly have you be.
Come make the trial: you'll Calista find,
Come take the test: you’ll find Calista,
Quite new again when to her arms resigned.
Quite new again when she resigned herself to his arms.
But let me tell you, though your wife be chaste,
But let me tell you, even if your wife is faithful,
Erastus to your mansion oft is traced.
Erastus is often seen at your house.
AND do you think, cried Damon with an air,
AND do you think, yelled Damon with flair,
Erastus visits as a lover there?
Erastus visits as a romantic interest there?
Too much he seems, my friend, to act a part,
Too much, it seems to me, my friend, to play a role,
That proves the villain both in head and heart.
That shows the villain is bad both in thought and feeling.
SAID Neria, mortified at this reply,
SAID Neria, embarrassed by this response,
Though he's a friend on whom you may rely,
Though he's a friend you can count on,
Calista beauty has; much worth the man,
Calista's beauty is worth a lot to the man,
With smart address to execute his plan;
With clever planning to carry out his strategy;
And when we meet accomplishments so rare;
And when we achieve such rare accomplishments;
Few women but will tumble in the snare.
Few women can resist falling into the trap.
THIS conversation was by Damon felt,
THIS conversation was felt by Damon,
A wife, brisk, young, and formed 'mid joys to melt;
A wife, lively, young, and shaped by happiness to soften;
A man well versed in Cupid's wily way;
A man skilled in Cupid's clever tricks;
No courtier bolder of the present day;
No courtier today is braver;
Well made and handsome, with attractive mind;
Well-made and good-looking, with a sharp mind;
Wo what might happen was the husband blind?
Wo what might happen was the husband blind?
Whoever trusts implicitly to friends,
Whoever fully trusts friends,
Too oft will find, on shadows he depends.
Too often he will find that he relies on shadows.
Pray where's the devotee, who could withstand,
Pray, where's the devotee who could endure,
The tempting glimpse of charms that all command;
The enticing view of charms that everyone desires;
Which first invite by halves: then bolder grow,
Which starts timidly at first: then gains confidence,
Till fascination spreads, and bosoms glow?
Till fascination spreads, and hearts light up?
Our Damon fancied this already done,
Our Damon thought this was already taken care of,
Or, at the best, might be too soon begun:
Or, at best, it might start too soon:
On these foundations gloomy views arose,
On these foundations, dark perspectives emerged,
Chimeras dire, destructive of repose.
Chimeras are terrifying, destructive to peace.
TH' enchantress presently a hint received,
TH' enchantress soon got a clue,
That those suspicions much the husband grieved;
That those suspicions greatly troubled the husband;
And better to succeed and make him fret,
And it's better to succeed and make him worry,
She told him of a thing, 'mong witches met,
She told him about something that happened among witches,
'Twas metamorphose-water (such the name)
It was metamorphosis water (that's the name)
With this could Damon take Erastus' frame;
With this, Damon could take Erastus' body;
His gait, his look, his carriage, air and voice
His walk, his appearance, his posture, attitude, and voice
Thus changed, he easily could mark her choice,
Thus changed, he could easily see her choice,
Each step observe:—enough, he asked no more,
Each step observe:—enough, he asked no more,
Erastus' shape the husband quickly bore;
Erastus' form the husband quickly accepted;
His easy manner, and appearance caught:
His relaxed attitude and appearance caught:
With captivating smiles his wife he sought.
With captivating smiles, he sought his wife.
And thus addressed the fair with ev'ry grace:—
And so he spoke to her with every grace:—
How blithe that look! enchanting is your face;
How carefree that look! Your face is enchanting;
Your beauty's always great, I needs must say,
Your beauty is always amazing, I have to say,
But never more delightful than to-day.
But never more delightful than today.
CALISTA saw the flatt'ring lover's scheme;
CALISTA saw the flattering lover's scheme;
And turned to ridicule the wily theme.
And mocked the smart topic.
His manner Damon changed, from gay to grave:
His demeanor shifted from cheerful to serious:
Now sighs, then tears; but nothing could enslave;
Now there are sighs, then tears; but nothing could make me a slave;
The lady, virtue firmly would maintain;
The woman would firmly uphold her virtue;
At length, the husband, seeing all was vain,
At last, the husband, realizing everything was pointless,
Proposed a bribe, and offered such a sum,
Proposed a bribe and offered that amount,
Her anger dropt: the belle was overcome.
Her anger faded: the beauty was overwhelmed.
The price was very large, it might excuse,
The price was really high; that might justify it.
Though she at first was prompted to refuse;
Though she was initially inclined to say no;
At last, howe'er her chastity gave way:
At last, however, her purity gave in:
To gold's allurements few will offer nay!
To gold's attractions, very few will say no!
The cash, resistance had so fully laid,
The cash, resistance had fully established,
Surrender would at any time be made.
Surrender could be made at any time.
The precious ore has universal charms,
The valuable mineral has universal appeal,
Enchains the will, or sets the world in arms!
Enslaves the will, or rallies the world for battle!
THOUGH elegant your form, and smart your dress,
THOUGH elegant your shape, and stylish your outfit,
Your air, your language, ev'ry warmth express
Your vibe, your words, every warmth shows
Yet, if a banker, or a financier,
Yet, if a banker or a financier,
With handsome presents happen to appear,
With attractive gifts suddenly showing up,
At once is blessed the wealthy paramour,
At once, the wealthy lover is blessed,
While you a year may languish at the door.
While you may waste a year waiting at the door.
Original
THIS heart, inflexible, it seems, gave ground,
THIS heart, it seems, unyielding, finally softened,
To money's pow'rful, all-subduing sound;
To the powerful, all-subduing sound of money;
The rock now disappeared—and, in its stead,
The rock has now vanished—and, in its place,
A lamb was found, quite easy to be led,
A lamb was found, pretty easy to guide,
Who, as a proof, resistance she would wave,
Who, as proof, she would dismiss the resistance,
A kiss, by way of earnest freely gave.
A kiss, as a genuine gift given freely.
No further would the husband push the dame,
No more would the husband pressure the woman,
Nor be himself a witness of his shame,
Nor should he be a witness to his own shame,
But straight resumed his form, and to his wife,
But he quickly regained his composure, and to his wife,
Cried, O Calista! once my soul and life
Cried, O Calista! once my soul and life
Calista, whom I fondly cherished long;
Calista, who I have always held dear;
Calista, whose affection was so strong;
Calista, whose love was so intense;
Is gold more dear than hearts in union twined?
Is gold more precious than the hearts entwined in union?
To wash thy guilt, thy blood should be assigned.
To wash away your guilt, your blood should be given.
But still I love thee, spite of evil thought;
But still I love you, despite my negative thoughts;
My death will pay the ills thou'st on me brought.
My death will pay for the wrongs you've done to me.
THE metamorphosis our dame surprised;
The transformation of our lady surprised;
To give relief her tears but just sufficed;
To provide relief, her tears were just enough;
She scarcely spoke; the husband, days remained,
She barely spoke; her husband had only a few days left,
Reflecting on the circumstance that pained.
Reflecting on the situation that hurt.
Himself a cuckold could he ever make,
Himself a cuckold could he ever make,
By mere design a liberty to take?
By mere design a right to take?
But, horned or not? the question seemed to be,
But, whether they had horns or not? that seemed to be the question,
When Neria told him, if from doubts not free,
When Neria told him, if he wasn't free from doubts,
Drink from the cup:—with so much art 'tis made,
Drink from the cup: — it’s made with such skill,
That, whose'er of cuckoldom 's afraid,
That, whoever is afraid of being cheated on,
Let him but put it to his eager lips
Let him just bring it to his eager lips
If he's a cuckold, out the liquor slips;
If he's a cuckold, the alcohol goes away;
He naught can swallow; and the whole is thrown
He can't swallow anything; and everything is thrown away.
About his face or clothes, as oft 's been shown.
About his face or clothes, as has often been shown.
But should, from out his brow, no horns yet pop—
But if no horns pop out from his forehead—
He drinks the whole, nor spills a single drop.
He drinks it all and doesn't spill a single drop.
THE doubt to solve, our husband took a sup,
THE doubt to solve, our husband took a sip,
From this famed, formidably, magick cup;
From this renowned, powerful magic cup;
Nor did he any of the liquor waste:—
Nor did he waste any of the liquor:—
Well, I am safe, said he, my wife is chaste,
Well, I’m safe, he said, my wife is loyal,
Though on myself it wholly could depend;
Though it could entirely depend on me;
But from it what have I to apprehend?
But what do I have to fear from it?
Make room, good folks, who leafless branches wear;
Make way, good people, who have bare branches;
If you desire those honours I should share.
If you want those honors, I should share them.
Thus Damon spoke, and to his precious wife
Thus Damon spoke, and to his beloved wife
A curious sermon preached, it seems, on life.
A fascinating sermon about life was preached, it seems.
IF cuckoldom, my friends, such torments give;
IF cuckoldry, my friends, brings such suffering;
'Tis better far 'mong savages to live!
'Tis better far among savages to live!
LEST worse should happen, Damon settled spies,
LEST worse should happen, Damon settled spies,
Who, o'er his lady watched with Argus' eyes.
Who, over his lady, watched with keen attention like Argus.
She turned coquette; restraints the FAIR awake,
She became flirtatious; limits the FAIR awake,
And only prompt more liberties to take.
And only encourage more freedoms to embrace.
The silly husband secrets tried to know,
The silly husband secrets tried to find out,
And rather seemed to seek the wily foe,
And instead appeared to look for the cunning enemy,
Which fear has often rendered fatal round,
Which fear has often led to deadly outcomes,
When otherwise the ill had ne'er been found.
When otherwise the problem had never been found.
FOUR times an hour his lips to sip he placed;
FOUR times an hour he brought his lips to sip;
And clearly, for a week was not disgraced.
And clearly, for a week, it was not embarrassing.
Howe'er, no further went his ease of mind;
However, his peace of mind didn't go any further;
Oh, fatal science! fatally designed!
Oh, deadly science! dangerously designed!
With fury Damon threw the cup away,
With anger, Damon tossed the cup aside,
And, in his rage, himself inclined to slay.
And, in his anger, he was ready to kill.
HIS wife he straight shut up within a tower,
HIS wife he quickly locked away in a tower,
Where, morn and night, he showed a husband's pow'r,
Where, morning and night, he demonstrated a husband's power,
Reproach bestowed: while she bewailed her lot,
Reproach given: as she lamented her situation,
'Twere better far, if he'd concealed the blot;
It would have been much better if he'd hidden the stain;
For now, from mouth to mouth, and ear to ear,
For now, from one person to another, and from ear to ear,
It echoed, and re-echoed far and near.
It echoed, and echoed again, both nearby and far away.
MEANWHILE Calista led a wretched life;
MEANWHILE, Calista was living a miserable life;
No gold nor jewels Damon left his wife,
No gold or jewels did Damon leave his wife,
Which made the jailer faithful, since 'twere vain
Which made the jailer loyal, since it would be pointless
To hope, unbribed, this Cerberus to gain.
To hope, without any bribes, to win this Cerberus.
AT length, the wife a lucky moment sought,
AT last, the wife looked for a lucky moment,
When Damon seemed by soft caresses caught.
When Damon seemed to be caught by gentle touches.
Said she, I've guilty been, I freely own;
Said she, "I've been guilty, I admit it;"
But though my crime is great, I'm not alone;
But even though my crime is serious, I'm not alone;
Alas! how few escape from like mishap;
Alas! how few escape from similar misfortune;
'Mong Hymen's band so common is the trap;
'Mong Hymen's band, the trap is so common;
And though at you the immaculate may smile,
And even if the pure might smile at you,
What use to fret and all the sex revile?
What’s the point of worrying and condemning all the sex?
WELL I'll console myself, and pardon you,
WELL, I'll comfort myself and forgive you,
Cried Damon, when sufficient I can view,
Cried Damon, when I can see enough,
Of ornamented foreheads, just like mine,
Of decorated foreheads, just like mine,
To form among themselves a royal line;
To create a royal lineage among themselves;
'Tis only to employ the magick cup,
'Tis only to use the magic cup,
From which I learned your secrets by a sup.
From which I learned your secrets over a drink.
HIS plan to execute, the husband went,
HIS plan to carry out, the husband went,
And ev'ry passenger was thither sent,
And every passenger was sent there,
Where Damon entertained, with sumptuous fare;
Where Damon hosted with lavish meals;
And, at the end, proposed the magick snare:
And, in the end, suggested the magic trap:
Said he, my wife played truant to my bed;
Said he, my wife skipped out on me at night;
Wish you to know if your's be e'er misled?
Wish to know if yours is ever misled?
'Tis right how things go on at home to trace,
'Tis right how things go on at home to trace,
And if upon the cup your lips you place,
And if you put your lips on the cup,
In case your wife be chaste, there'll naught go wrong;
In case your wife is faithful, nothing will go wrong;
But, if to Vulcan's troop you should belong,
But, if you belong to Vulcan's group,
And prove an antlered brother, you will spill
And show that you’re a brother with antlers, you will spill
The liquor ev'ry way, in spite of skill.
The liquor is everywhere, despite the expertise.
TO all the men, that Damon could collect,
TO all the guys that Damon could gather,
The cup he offered, and they tried th' effect;
The cup he offered, and they tried the effect;
But few escaped, at which they laughed or cried,
But few got away, which made them laugh or cry,
As feelings led, or cuckoldom they spied,
As feelings guided, or infidelity they observed,
Whose surly countenance the wags believed,
Whose grumpy face the jokers believed,
In many houses near, might be perceived.
In many nearby houses, you could see.
ALREADY Damon had sufficient found,
Damon already found enough.
To form a regiment and march around;
To create a regiment and parade around;
At times they threatened governors to hang,
At times, they threatened governors with hanging,
Unless they would surrender to their gang;
Unless they would give in to their gang;
But few they wanted to complete the force,
But few wanted to complete the group,
And soon a royal army made of course.
And soon a royal army was formed.
From day to day their numbers would augment,
From day to day, their numbers would increase,
Without the beat of drum, to great extent;
Without the beat of a drum, to a great extent;
Their rank was always fixed by length of horn:
Their rank was always determined by the length of their horns:
Foot soldiers those, whose branches short were borne;
Foot soldiers, those whose branches were short;
Dragoons, lieutenants, captains, some became,
Dragoons, lieutenants, captains, some became,
And even colonels, those of greater fame.
And even colonels, those who are more famous.
The portion spilled by each from out the vase
The amount each of them spilled from the vase
Was taken for the length, and fixed the place.
Was taken for the length and secured the location.
A wight, who in an instant spilled the whole,
A figure who, in a moment, dropped everything,
Was made a gen'ral: not commander sole,
Was made a general: not the sole commander,
For many followed of the same degree,
For many who followed the same path,
And 'twas determined they should equals be.
And it was decided they should be equal.
THE rank and file now nearly found complete,
THE rank and file are now almost fully assembled,
And full enough an enemy to beat,
And a strong enough enemy to defeat,
Young Reynold, nephew of famed Charlemain,
Young Reynold, nephew of the famous Charlemagne,
By chance came by: the spark they tried to gain,
By chance, they stumbled upon the spark they were trying to capture,
And, after treating him with sumptuous cheer,
And after hosting him with generous hospitality,
At length the magick cup mas made appear;
At last, the magic cup was made to appear;
But no way Reynold could be led to drink:
But there was no way Reynold could be persuaded to drink:
My wife, cried he, I truly faithful think,
My wife, he cried, I really think I'm faithful,
And that's enough; the cup can nothing more;
And that's it; the cup can do no more;
Should I, who sleep with two eyes, sleep with four?
Should I, who sleeps with two eyes, sleep with four?
I feel at ease, thank heav'n, and have no dread,
I feel relaxed, thank goodness, and have no fear,
Then why to seek new cares should I be led?
Then why should I be led to seek out new worries?
Perhaps, if I the cup should hold awry,
Perhaps, if I hold the cup at an angle,
The liquor out might on a sudden fly;
The liquor might suddenly spill out;
I'm sometimes awkward, and in case the cup
I'm sometimes awkward, and if the cup
Should fancy me another, who would sup,
Should I find someone else to share a meal,
The error, doubtless, might unpleasant be:
The mistake could definitely be unpleasant:
To any thing but this I will agree,
To anything other than this, I will agree,
To give you pleasure, Damon, so adieu;
To bring you joy, Damon, so goodbye;
Then Reynold from the antlered corps withdrew.
Then Reynold withdrew from the antlered corpse.
SAID Damon, gentlemen, 'tis pretty clear,
SAID Damon, gentlemen, it’s pretty clear,
So wise as Reynold, none of us appear;
So wise as Reynold, none of us seem;
But let's console ourselves;—'tis very plain,
But let's comfort ourselves;—it's very clear,
The same are others:—to repine were vain.
The same goes for others: complaining would be pointless.
AT length, such numbers on their rolls they bore;
AT last, they carried such numbers on their rolls;
Calista liberty obtained once more,
Calista's freedom secured once more,
As promised formerly, and then her charms
As promised earlier, and then her charms
Again were taken to her spouse's arms.
Again were taken to her spouse's arms.
LET Reynold's conduct, husbands, be your line;
LET Reynold's behavior, husbands, be your guide;
Who Damon's follows surely will repine.
Whoever Damon follows will definitely be upset.
Perhaps the first should have been made the chief;
Perhaps the first one should have been made the leader;
Though, doubtless, that is matter of belief.
Though, undoubtedly, that's a matter of belief.
No mortal can from danger feel secure;
No one can feel completely safe from danger;
To be exempt from spilling, who is sure?
To be free from spilling, who knows for sure?
Nor Roland, Reynold, nor famed Charlemain,
Nor Roland, Reynold, nor famed Charlemagne,
But what had acted wrong to risk the stain.
But what had gone wrong to risk the stain?
THE FALCON
Original
I RECOLLECT, that lately much I blamed,
I remember that lately I criticized a lot,
The sort of lover, avaricious named;
The kind of lover, greedy as they are;
And if in opposites we reason see,
And if we reason through opposites,
The liberal in paradise should be.
The liberal in paradise should be.
The rule is just and, with the warmest zeal,
The rule is fair and, with the greatest enthusiasm,
To prove the fact I to the CHURCH appeal.
To prove my point, I appeal to the CHURCH.
IN Florence once there dwelled a gentle youth,
IN Florence once there lived a kind young man,
Who loved a certain beauteous belle with truth;
Who truly loved a beautiful girl;
O'er all his actions she had full controul;—
Over all his actions, she had complete control;—
To please he would have sold his very soul.
To please them, he would have sold his very soul.
If she amusements wished, he'd lavish gold,
If she wanted entertainment, he’d shower her with gold,
Convinced in love or war you should be bold;
Convinced that in love or war you should be bold;
The cash ne'er spare:—invincible its pow'rs,
The cash never spares:—its powers are unbeatable,
O'erturning walls or doors where'er it show'rs.
O'erturning walls or doors wherever it pours.
The precious ore can every thing o'ercome;
The precious ore can overcome anything;
'Twill silence barking curs: make servants dumb;
'It will silence barking dogs: make servants silent;
And these can render eloquent at will:—
And they can speak eloquently whenever they want:—
Excel e'en Tully in persuasive skill;
Excel even Tully in persuasive skill;
In short he'd leave no quarter unsubdued,
In short, he wouldn't leave any part unconquered,
Unless therein the fair he could include.
Unless he could include the fair in it.
SHE stood th' attack howe'er, and Frederick failed;
SHE stood her ground anyway, and Frederick failed;
His force was vain whenever he assailed;
His efforts were pointless whenever he attacked;
Without the least return his wealth he spent:
Without any return, he wasted his wealth:
Lands, houses, manors of immense extent,
Lands, houses, manors of huge size,
Were ev'ry now and then to auction brought;
Were every now and then brought to auction;
To gratify his love was all he thought.
To satisfy his love was all he could think about.
THE rank of 'squire till lately he had claimed;
THE rank of 'squire he had claimed until recently;
Now scarcely was he even mister named;
Now he was barely even called mister;
Of wealth by Cupid's stratagems bereft,
Of wealth lost to Cupid's tricks,
A single farm was all the man had left;
A single farm was all the man had left;
Friends very few, and such as God alone,
Friends are very few, and only those are from God.
Could tell if friendship they might not disown;
Could tell if they might not disown their friendship;
The best were led their pity to express;
The best showed their compassion.
'Twas all he got: it could not well be less;
'Twas all he got: it couldn't be any less;
To lend without security was wrong,
To lend without any collateral was wrong,
And former favours they'd forgotten long;
And past favors they'd forgotten a long time ago;
With all that Frederick could or say or do,
With everything Frederick could say or do,
His liberal conduct soon was lost to view.
His open-minded behavior quickly faded from sight.
WITH Clytia he no longer was received,
WITH Clytia he was no longer welcomed,
Than while he was a man of wealth believed;
Than while he was a wealthy man believed;
Balls, concerts, op'ras, tournaments, and plays,
Balls, concerts, operas, tournaments, and plays,
Expensive dresses, all engaging ways,
Expensive dresses, all appealing styles,
Were used to captivate this lady fair,
Were used to charm this beautiful lady,
While scarcely one around but in despair,
While hardly anyone is left but in despair,
Wife, widow, maid, his fond affection sought;
Wife, widow, single woman, he pursued his deep affection;
To gain him, ev'ry wily art was brought;
To win him over, every clever trick was used;
But all in vain:—by passion overpow'red,
But all in vain:—overcome by passion,
The belle, whose conduct others would have soured,
The beauty, whose behavior would have made others bitter,
To him appeared a goddess full of charms,
To him, a goddess full of allure appeared,
Superior e'en to Helen, in his arms;
Superior even to Helen, in his arms;
From whence we may conclude, the beauteous dame
From where we can conclude, the beautiful lady
Was always deaf to Fred'rick's ardent flame.
Was always deaf to Frederick's passionate love.
ENAMOURED of the belle, his lands he sold;
ENAMOURED of the beauty, he sold his lands;
The family estates were turned to gold;
The family properties were turned to gold;
And many who the purchases had made,
And many who had made the purchases,
With pelf accumulated by their trade,
With wealth gained from their trade,
Assumed the airs of men of noble birth:—
Adopted the attitude of nobles:—
Fair subjects oft for ridicule and mirth!
Fair subjects often become targets for mockery and laughter!
RICH Clytia was, and her good spouse, 'tis said,
RICH Clytia was, and her good spouse, 'tis said,
Had lands which far and wide around were spread;
Had lands that were spread far and wide;
No cash nor presents she would ever take,
No cash or gifts would she ever accept,
Yet suffered Frederick splendid treats to make,
Yet Frederick endured splendid treats to create,
Without designing recompense to grant,
Without designing compensation to grant,
Or being more than merely complaisant.
Or being more than just agreeable.
ALREADY, if my mem'ry do not fail,
ALREADY, if my memory serves me right,
I've said, the youth's estates were put to sale,
I've said, the young people's properties were put up for sale,
To pay for feasts the fair to entertain,
To cover the costs of the celebrations to host,
And what he'd left was only one domain,
And what he left behind was just one area,
A petty farm to which he now retired;
A small farm where he has now settled down;
Ashamed to show where once so much admired,
Ashamed to reveal what was once so admired,
And wretched too, a prey to lorn despair,
And miserable too, a victim of lost despair,
Unable to obtain by splendid care,
Unable to achieve through excellent care,
A beauty he'd pursued six years and more,
A beauty he had chased for over six years,
And should for ever fervently adore.
And should always love passionately.
His want of merit was the cause he thought,
His lack of merit was what he believed,
That she could never to his wish be brought,
That she could never be brought to his wish,
While from him not a syllable was heard,
While he didn’t say a word,
Against the lovely belle his soul preferred.
Against the beautiful girl his heart chose.
'MID poverty oft Fred'rick sighed and wept;
'MID poverty often Frederick sighed and wept;
A toothless hag—his only servant kept;
A toothless old woman—his only servant left;
His kitchen cold; (where commonly he dwelled;)
His kitchen was cold; (where he usually stayed;)
A pretty decent horse his stable held;
A pretty good horse was in his stable;
A falcon too; and round about the grange,
A falcon too; and around the farmhouse,
Our quondam 'squire repeatedly would range,
Our former 'squire would often roam,
Where oft, to melancholy, he was led,
Where he was often led to sadness,
To sacrifice the game which near him fed;
To give up the game that had been feeding him;
By Clytia's cruelty the gun was seized,
By Clytia's cruelty, the gun was taken.
And feathered victims black chagrin appeased.
And the feathered victims soothed their dark displeasure.
'TWAS thus the lover whiled his hours away;
'Twas how the lover spent his time;
His heart-felt torments nothing could allay;
His heartfelt pain couldn't be eased by anything;
Blessed if with fortune love he'd also lost,
Blessed if with luck love he’d also lost,
Which constantly his earthly comforts crossed;
Which continually hindered his earthly comforts;
But this lorn passion preyed upon his mind:—
But this lost passion consumed his thoughts:—
Where'er he rode, BLACK CARE would mount behind.
Wherever he rode, BLACK CARE would ride along behind.
DEATH took at length the husband of the fair;
DEATH eventually took the husband of the beautiful;
An only son appointed was his heir,
His only son was named as his heir,
A sickly child, whose life, 'twas pretty plain,
A sickly child, whose life, it was pretty clear,
Could scarcely last till spring returned again,
Could hardly last until spring came around again,
Which made the husband, by his will, decree,
Which caused the husband, by his will, to decree,
His wife the infant's successor should be,
His wife should be the infant's successor,
In case the babe at early years should die,
In case the baby dies in early years,
Who soon grew worse and raised the widow's sigh.
Who quickly got worse and made the widow sigh.
TOO much affection parents ne'er can show:—
TOO much love parents can never show:—
A mother's feelings none but mothers know.
A mother's feelings are something only mothers truly understand.
FAIR Clytia round her child with anxious care,
FAIR Clytia surrounds her child with worried attention,
Watched day and night, and no expense would spare;
Watched around the clock, and no expense would be spared;
Inquired if this or that would please his taste;
Asked if this or that would suit his taste;
What he desired should be procured with haste;
What he wanted should be gotten quickly;
But nothing would he have that she proposed;
But he wouldn't accept anything she suggested;
An ardent wish howe'er the boy disclosed,
An intense desire, however, was revealed by the boy,
For Fred'rick's Falcon, and most anxious grew:—
For Fredrick's Falcon, and he became very anxious:—
Tear followed tear, and nothing else would do.
Tears kept flowing, and nothing else would help.
When once a child has got a whim in brain,
When a child gets an idea in their mind,
No peace, no rest, till he the boon obtain.
No peace, no rest, until he gets what he wants.
WE should observe our belle, near Fred'rick's cot,
WE should observe our beauty, near Frederick's cottage,
A handsome house and many lands had got;
A beautiful house and a lot of land had been acquired;
'Twas there the lovely babe had lately heard,
'Twas there the beautiful baby had just heard,
Most wondrous stories of the bird averred;
Most amazing stories about the bird claimed;
No partridge e'er escaped its rapid wing:—
No partridge ever escaped its swift wing:—
On every morn down numbers it would bring;
On every morning, it would bring down the numbers;
No money for it would its owner take;
No money for it would its owner accept;
Much grieved was Clytia such request to make.
Much to her sorrow, Clytia had to make such a request.
The man, for her, of wealth had been bereft;
The man, who was wealthy, had been taken away from her;
How ask the only treasure he had left?
How did he ask for the only treasure he had left?
And him if she were led to importune,
And if she were led to annoy him,
Could she expect that he'd accord the boon?
Could she expect that he'd grant the favor?
Alas! ungratefully she oft repaid,
Sadly, she often repaid ungratefully,
His liberal treats, his concerts, serenade,
His generous gifts, his concerts, serenade,
And haughtily behaved from first to last:
And acted arrogantly from start to finish:
How be so bold, (reflecting on the past,)
How can it be so bold, (thinking about the past,)
To see the man that she so ill had used?
To see the man she had treated so poorly?
And ask a favour?—could she be excused?
And could I ask a favor?—could she be let off the hook?
But then her child!—perhaps his life 'twould save;
But then her child!—maybe it would save his life;
Naught would he take; the falcon she must crave.
Nothin' he would accept; she had to want the falcon.
THAT her sweet babe might be induced to eat,
THAT her sweet baby might be encouraged to eat,
So meant the bird of Fred'rick to intreat;
So the bird of Fred'rick meant to ask;
Her boy was heard continually to cry,
Her boy was always heard crying,
Unless he had the falcon, he should die.
Unless he had the falcon, he would die.
THESE reasons strongly with the mother weighed;
THESE reasons weighed heavily on the mother;
Her visit to the 'squire was not delayed;
Her visit to the squire was not delayed;
With fond affection for her darling heir,
With loving feelings for her precious heir,
One morn, alone she sought the lorn repair.
One morning, she looked for the desolate refuge by herself.
TO Fred'rick's eye an angel she appeared;
TO Fred'rick's eye, she looked like an angel;
But shame he felt, that she, his soul revered,
But he felt shame that she, the one he held dear,
Should find him poor:—no servants to attend,
Should find him poor:—no servants to attend,
Nor means to give a dinner to a friend.
Nor does it mean to host a dinner for a friend.
The poverty in which he now was viewed,
The poverty he was in now was seen,
Distressed his mind and all his griefs renewed.
Distressed his mind and brought back all his troubles.
Why come? said he; what led you thus to trace,
Why did you come? he asked; what made you follow this path,
An humble slave of your celestial face?
A humble servant of your heavenly beauty?
A villager, a wretched being here;
A villager, a miserable person here;
Too great the honour doubtless must appear;
Too great the honor must surely seem;
'Twas somewhere else you surely meant to go?
'Twas somewhere else you definitely meant to go?
The lady in a moment answered no.
The woman quickly replied no.
Cried he, I've neither cook nor kettle left;
Cried he, "I have neither a cook nor a kettle left;"
Then how can I receive you, thus bereft?
Then how can I accept you when you’re so lost?
But you have bread, said Clytia:—that will do;—
But you have bread, Clytia said:—that'll work;—
The lover quickly to the poultry flew,
The lover quickly flew to the poultry,
In search of eggs; some bacon too he found;
In search of eggs; he also found some bacon;
But nothing else, except the hawk renowned,
But nothing else, except for the famous hawk,
Which caught his eye, and instantly was seized,
Which caught his attention and was immediately taken,
Slain, plucked, and made a fricassee that pleased.
Slaughtered, cleaned, and turned into a delicious fricassee.
Original
MEANWHILE the house-keeper for linen sought;
MEANWHILE, the housekeeper looked for linen;
Knives, forks, plates, spoons, cups, glass and chairs she
Knives, forks, plates, spoons, cups, glasses, and chairs she
brought;
brought
The fricassee was served, the dame partook,
The fricassee was served, and the lady enjoyed it,
And on the dish with pleasure seemed to look.
And on the plate, it seemed to look pleasing.
THE dinner o'er, the widow then resolved,
THE dinner over, the widow then decided,
To ask the boon which in her mind resolved.
To request the favor she had decided in her mind.
She thus begun:—good sir, you'll think me mad,
She began: "Good sir, you’ll think I’m crazy,
To come and to your breast fresh trouble add;
To come and add fresh trouble to your life;
I've much to ask, and you will feel surprise,
I've got a lot to ask, and you will be surprised,
That one, for whom your love could ne'er suffice,
That person, for whom your love could never be enough,
Should now request your celebrated bird;
Should now ask for your renowned bird;
Can I expect the grant?—the thought 's absurd
Can I expect the grant?—that thought is ridiculous.
But pardon pray a mother's anxious fear;
But please forgive a mother's anxious fear;
'Tis for my child:—his life to me is dear.
It's for my child:—his life is precious to me.
The falcon solely can the infant save;
The falcon is the only one that can save the baby;
Yet since to you I nothing ever gave,
Yet since I never gave you anything,
For all your kindness oft on me bestowed;
For all the kindness you've often shown me;
Your fortune wasted:—e'en your nice abode,
Your fortune wasted:—even your nice home,
Alas! disposed of, large supplies to raise,
Alas! taken care of, plenty of resources to gather,
To entertain and please in various ways:
To amuse and satisfy in different ways:
I cannot hope this falcon to obtain;
I can't expect to get this falcon;
For sure I am the expectation's vane;
For sure, I am the weathervane of expectation;
No, rather perish child and mother too;
No, let both the child and the mother perish;
Than such uneasiness should you pursue:
Than such discomfort should you chase:
Allow howe'er this parent, I beseech,
Let this parent, I ask,
Who loves her offspring 'yond the pow'r of speech,
Who loves her children beyond the power of words,
Or language to express, her only boy,
Or language to express, her only boy,
Sole hope, sole comfort, all her earthly joy,
Sole hope, sole comfort, all her earthly joy,
True mother like, to seek her child's relief,
True mothers, like, seek their child's comfort,
And in your breast deposit now her grief.
And now hold her grief in your heart.
Affection's pow'r none better know than you,—
Affection's power is something you understand better than anyone else,—
How few to love were ever half so true!
How few people to love were ever this genuine!
From such a bosom I may pardon crave
From such a heart, I might ask for forgiveness.
Soft pity's ever with the good and brave!
Soft pity is always with the good and brave!
ALAS! the wretched lover straight replied,
ALAS! the miserable lover immediately responded,
The bird was all I could for you provide;
The bird was all I could give you;
'Twas served for dinner.—Dead?—exclaimed the dame,
'Twas served for dinner.—Dead?—exclaimed the lady,
While trembling terror overspread her frame.
Shaking with fear.
No jest, said he, and from the soul I wish,
No joke, he said, and I truly wish from the heart,
My heart, instead of that, had been the dish;
My heart, instead of that, had been the dish;
But doomed alas! am I by fate, 'tis clear,
But alas, I am clearly doomed by fate,
To find no grace with her my soul holds dear:
To have no grace with her whom my soul cherishes:
I'd nothing left; and when I saw the bird,
I'd run out of everything; and when I saw the bird,
To kill it instantly the thought occurred;
To take it out right away, the thought crossed my mind;
Those naught we grudge nor spare to entertain,
Those things we neither resent nor hesitate to enjoy,
Who o'er our feeling bosoms sov'reign reign:
Who reigns supreme over our emotional hearts:
All I can do is speedily to get,
All I can do is quickly get,
Another falcon: easily they're met;
Another falcon: they're easy to find;
And by to-morrow I'll the bird procure.
And by tomorrow, I’ll get the bird.
No, Fred'rick, she replied, I now conjure
No, Fred'rick, she replied, I now conjure
You'll think no more about it; what you've done
You'll forget all about it; what you've done
Is all that fondness could have shown a son;
Is all that love a son could have shown;
And whether fate has doomed the child to die,
And whether fate has destined the child to die,
Or with my prayers the pow'rs above comply;
Or with my prayers the powers above agree;
For you my gratitude will never end—
For you, my gratitude will never fade—
Pray let us hope to see you as a friend.
Let's hope to see you as a friend.
THEN Clytia took her leave, and gave her hand;
THEN Clytia said goodbye and offered her hand;
A proof his love no more she would withstand.
A proof of his love she could no longer resist.
He kissed and bathed her fingers with his tears;
He kissed her and washed her fingers with his tears;
The second day grim death confirmed their fears:
The second day, grim death confirmed their fears:
THE mourning lasted long and mother's grief;
THE mourning lasted a long time and so did mother's grief;
But days and months at length bestowed relief;
But days and months eventually brought relief;
No wretchedness so great, we may depend,
No misery so intense, we can rely on,
But what, to time's all-conqu'ring sithe will bend:
But what will time's all-conquering scythe bend:
Original
TWO famed physicians managed with such care;
TWO famous doctors handled things with such care;
That they recovered her from wild despair,
That they rescued her from deep despair,
And tears gave place to cheerfulness and joy:—
And tears were replaced by cheerfulness and joy:—
The one was TIME the other Venus' Boy.
The one was TIME and the other was Venus' Boy.
Her hand fair Clytia on the youth bestowed,
Her beautiful hand was given to the young man,
As much from love as what to him she owed.
As much from love as what she owed him.
LET not this instance howsoe'r mislead;
LET not this example mislead you;
'Twere wrong with hope our fond desires to feed,
'Twould be wrong to feed our hopeful desires,
And waste our substance thus:—not all the FAIR,
And waste our resources like this:—not all the BEAUTIFUL,
Possess of gratitude a decent share.
Possess a good amount of gratitude.
With this exception they appear divine;
With this exception, they seem heavenly;
In lovely WOMAN angel-charms combine;
In beautiful WOMAN, angel-charms unite;
The whole indeed I do not here include;
The whole, I’m not including here;
Alas; too many act the jilt and prude.
Alas; too many act like they’re fickle and uptight.
When kind, they're ev'ry blessing found below:
When they’re kind, they’re every blessing found below:
When otherwise a curse we often know.
When it’s not a curse, we often recognize it.
THE LITTLE DOG
THE key, which opes the chest of hoarded gold.
THE key that unlocks the treasure chest filled with gold.
Unlocks the heart that favours would withhold.
Unlocks the heart that kindness would keep hidden.
To this the god of love has oft recourse,
To this, the god of love often turns,
When arrows fail to reach the secret source,
When arrows miss the hidden source,
And I'll maintain he's right, for, 'mong mankind,
And I’ll argue he’s right, because, among people,
Nice presents ev'ry where we pleasing find;
Nice presents everywhere we pleasingly find;
Kings, princes, potentates, receive the same,
Kings, princes, and rulers receive the same,
And when a lady thinks she's not to blame,
And when a woman thinks she’s not at fault,
To do what custom tolerates around;
To do what is accepted by tradition;
When Venus' acts are only Themis' found,
When Venus' actions are only Themis' discovered,
I'll nothing 'gainst her say; more faults than one,
I'll say nothing against her; she has more than one flaw,
Besides the present, have their course begun.
Besides the present, they have started their journey.
A MANTUAN judge espoused a beauteous fair:
A judge from Mantua married a beautiful woman:
Her name was Argia:—Anselm was her care,
Her name was Argia:—Anselm was her concern,
An aged dotard, trembling with alarms,
An old man, shaking with fear,
While she was young, and blessed with seraph charms.
While she was young and had angelic beauty.
But, not content with such a pleasing prize,
But, not satisfied with such a nice reward,
His jealousy appeared without disguise,
His jealousy showed openly,
Which greater admiration round her drew,
Which drew greater admiration around her,
Who doubtless merited, in ev'ry view,
Who definitely deserved, in every way,
Attention from the first in rank or place
Attention from the highest in rank or position
So elegant her form, so fine her face.
So graceful her figure, so lovely her face.
Original
'TWOULD endless prove, and nothing would avail,
'TWO'D endless prove, and nothing would work,
Each lover's pain minutely to detail:
Each lover's pain described in detail:
Their arts and wiles; enough 'twill be no doubt,
Their skills and tricks; surely that will be enough,
To say the lady's heart was found so stout,
To say the lady's heart was so strong,
She let them sigh their precious hours away,
She allowed them to waste their precious hours sighing,
And scarcely seemed emotion to betray.
And hardly any emotion seemed to show.
WHILE at the judge's, Cupid was employed,
WHILE at the judge's, Cupid was busy,
Some weighty things the Mantuan state annoyed,
Some serious issues troubled the Mantuan state,
Of such importance, that the rulers meant,
Of such importance that the leaders intended,
An embassy should to the Pope be sent.
An embassy should be sent to the Pope.
As Anselm was a judge of high degree,
As Anselm was a high-ranking judge,
No one so well embassador could be.
No one could be a better ambassador.
'TWAS with reluctance he agreed to go,
'Twas with reluctance he agreed to go,
And be at Rome their mighty Plenipo';
And be in Rome their powerful representative;
The business would be long, and he must dwell
The business would take a while, and he would have to stay.
Six months or more abroad, he could not tell.
Six months or more abroad, he couldn't say.
Though great the honour, he should leave his dove,
Though it’s a great honor, he should leave his dove,
Which would be painful to connubial love.
Which would be painful for married love.
Long embassies and journeys far from home
Long trips and journeys far from home
Oft cuckoldom around induce to roam.
Oftentimes, being cheated on makes people wander.
THE husband, full of fears about his wife;
THE husband, overwhelmed with worries about his wife;
Exclaimed—my ever—darling, precious life,
Exclaimed—my forever—darling, precious life,
I must away; adieu, be faithful pray,
I have to go now; goodbye, please stay true.
To one whose heart from you can never stray
To someone whose heart will never drift away from you
But swear to me, my duck, (for, truth to tell,
But promise me, my darling, (because, honestly,
I've reason to be jealous of my belle,)
I've got a reason to be jealous of my beautiful girl.
Now swear these sparks, whose ardour I perceive,
Now swear these sparks, whose passion I see,
Have sighed without success, and I'll believe.
Have sighed without success, and I'll believe.
But still your honour better to secure,
But still, Your Honor, it’s better to be safe,
From slander's tongue, and virtue to ensure,
From the mouth of slander, and to safeguard virtue,
I'd have you to our country-house repair;
I'd have you come to our country house for some repairs;
The city quit:—these sly gallants beware;
The city is done:—watch out for these sneaky guys;
Their presents too, accurst invention found,
Their gifts too, cursed invention discovered,
With danger fraught, and ever much renowned;
With danger present and widely known;
For always in the world, where lovers move,
For always in the world, where lovers go,
These gifts the parent of assentment prove.
These gifts prove the parent of agreement.
'Gainst those declare at once; nor lend an ear
'Against those declare at once; nor lend an ear
To flattery, their cunning sister-peer.
To flattery, their sly sister.
If they approach, shut straight both ears and eyes;
If they come close, just close both your ears and eyes tightly;
For nothing you shall want that wealth supplies;
For you won't lack anything that money can provide;
My store you may command; the key behold,
My store is yours to command; here’s the key,
Where I've deposited my notes and gold.
Where I've stored my notes and money.
Receive my rents; expend whate'er you please;
Receive my rents; spend whatever you want;
I'll look for no accounts; live quite at ease;
I'll look for no explanations; I'll live quite comfortably;
I shall be satisfied with what you do,
I will be happy with what you do,
If naught therein to raise a blush I view;
If there's nothing in there to make me blush;
You've full permission to amuse your mind;
You've got complete permission to entertain your mind;
Your love, howe'er, for me alone's designed;
Your love, however, is meant only for me;
That, recollect, must be for my return,
That, remember, has to be for my return,
For which our bosoms will with ardour burn.
For which our hearts will burn with passion.
THE good man's bounty seemingly was sweet;
THE good man's generosity seemed delightful;
All pleasures, one excepted, she might greet;
All pleasures, except for one, she could welcome;
But that, alas! by bosoms unpossessed,
But that, unfortunately! by hearts unclaimed,
No happiness arises from the rest:
No happiness comes from doing nothing:
His lady promised ev'ry thing required:—
His lady promised everything that was needed:—
Deaf, blind, and cruel,—whosoe'er admired;
Deaf, blind, and cruel—whoever admired;
And not a present would her hand receive
And she wouldn't accept a single gift.
At his return, he fully might believe,
At his return, he could truly believe,
She would be found the same as when he went,
She would be found just like she was when he left,
Without gallant, or aught to discontent.
Without any trouble or anything to be unhappy about.
HER husband gone, she presently retired
HER husband gone, she soon withdrew
Where Anselm had so earnestly desired;
Where Anselm had wanted so much;
The lovers came, but they were soon dismissed,
The lovers showed up, but they were quickly sent away,
And told, from visits they must all desist;
And said that they should stop all visits;
Their assiduities were irksome grown,
Their efforts had become annoying,
And she was weary of their lovesick tone.
And she was tired of their lovesick tone.
Save one, they all were odious to the fair;
Save one, they were all unpleasant to the fair;
A handsome youth, with smart engaging air;
A good-looking young man, with a stylish and charming vibe;
But whose attentions to the belle were vain;
But whose attention to the beauty was pointless;
In spite of arts, his aim he could not gain;
In spite of the arts, he couldn't achieve his goal;
His name was Atis, known to love and arms,
His name was Atis, known for love and war,
Who grudged no pains, could he possess her charms.
Who spared no effort could have her beauty.
Each wile he tried, and if he'd kept to sighs,
Each time he tried, and if he had just stuck to sighs,
No doubt the source is one that never dries;
No doubt the source is one that never runs dry;
But often diff'rent with expense 'tis found;
But often, it's found to be different with cost;
His wealth was wasted rapidly around
His wealth vanished fast.
He wretched grew; at length for debt he fled,
He became miserable; eventually, he ran away because of debt,
And sought a desert to conceal his head.
And looked for a deserted place to hide away.
As on the road he moved, a clown he met,
As he walked along the road, he encountered a clown,
Who with his stick an adder tried to get,
Who tried to catch a snake with his stick,
From out a thicket, where it hissing lay,
From out of a thicket, where it lay hissing,
And hoped to drive the countryman away:
And hoped to scare the farmer off:
Our knight his object asked; the clown replied,
Our knight asked for his purpose; the clown responded,
To slay the reptile anxiously I tried;
To kill the reptile, I eagerly tried;
Wherever met, an adder I would kill:
Wherever I encountered a snake, I would kill it:
The race should be extinct if I'd my will.
The race would be gone if it were up to me.
WHY would'st thou, friend, said Atis, these destroy?
WHY would you, friend, said Atis, destroy these?
God meant that all should freely life enjoy.
God intended for everyone to enjoy life freely.
The youthful knight for reptiles had, we find,
The young knight for reptiles had, we find,
Less dread than what prevails with human kind;
Less dread than what exists among humankind;
He bore them in his arms:—they marked his birth;
He held them in his arms:—they signified his birth;
From noble Cadmus sprung, who, when on earth,
From noble Cadmus came, who, when on earth,
At last, to serpent was in age transformed;
At last, the serpent had transformed with age;
The adder's bush the clown no longer stormed;
The adder's bush the clown no longer attacked;
No more the spotted reptile sought to stay,
No longer did the spotted reptile try to remain,
But seized the time, and quickly crept away.
But took the opportunity and quickly slipped away.
AT length our lover to a wood retired;
At last, our lover went to the woods;
To live concealed was what the youth desired;
To live hidden was what the young man wanted;
Lorn silence reigned, except from birds that sang,
Lorn silence filled the air, apart from the birds chirping.
And dells that oft with sweetest echo rang.
And valleys that often rang with the sweetest echo.
There HAPPINESS and frightful MIS'RY lay,
There happiness and terrible misery lay,
Quite undistinguished: classed with beasts of prey;
Pretty normal: grouped with predators;
That growling prowled in search of food around:
That growling roamed around looking for food:
There Atis consolation never found.
There Atis consolation never found.
LOVE thither followed, and, however viewed,
LOVE followed there, and, no matter how it was seen,
'Twas vain to hope his passion to elude;
'Twas pointless to hope for his passion to escape;
Retirement fed the tender, ardent flame,
Retirement fueled the gentle, passionate fire,
And irksome ev'ry minute soon became.
And it soon became annoying every minute.
Let us return, cried he, since such our fate:
Let’s go back, he shouted, since that’s our fate:
'Tis better, Atis, bear her frowns and hate,
'Tis better, Atis, to put up with her frowns and hate,
Than of her beauteous features lose the view;
Than to lose sight of her beautiful features;
Ye nightingales and streams, ye woods adieu!
You nightingales and streams, you woods, goodbye!
When far from her I neither see nor hear:
When I'm far from her, I can't see or hear anything:
'Tis she alone my senses still revere;
'Tis she alone that my senses still honor;
A slave I am, who fled her dire disdain;
A slave I am, who escaped her terrible scorn;
Yet seek once more to wear the cruel chain.
Yet try once more to wear the harsh chain.
AS near some noble walls our knight arrived,
AS near some noble walls our knight arrived,
Which fairy-hands to raise had once contrived,
Which fairy hands to raise had once devised,
His eyes beheld, at peep of early morn,
His eyes saw, at the break of dawn,
When bright Aurora's beams the earth adorn,
When bright Aurora's rays light up the earth,
A beauteous nymph in royal robes attired,
A beautiful nymph dressed in royal robes,
Of noble mien, and formed to be admired,
Of noble appearance, and made to be admired,
Who t'ward him drew, with pleasing, gracious air,
Who approached him, with a charming and graceful demeanor,
While he was wrapped in thought, a prey to care.
While he was lost in thought, weighed down by worry.
SAID she, I'd have you, Atis, happy be;
SAID she, I'd want you, Atis, to be happy;
'Tis in my pow'r, and this I hope to see;
'It's in my power, and this I hope to see;
A fairy greet me, Manto is my name:—
A fairy greets me, my name is Manto:—
Your friend, and one you've served unknown:—the same
Your friend, and one you've helped without realizing it:—the same
My fame you've heard, no doubt; from me proceeds
My fame, you've probably heard about it; it comes from me.
The Mantuan town, renowned for ancient deeds;
The town of Mantua, famous for its historic achievements;
In days of yore I these foundations laid,
In days gone by, I laid these foundations,
Which in duration, equal I have made,
Which in length, I have made equal,
To those of Memphis, where the Nile's proud course
To the people of Memphis, where the Nile flows majestically
Majestically flows from hidden source.
Flows majestically from hidden source.
The cruel Parcae are to us unknown;
The harsh Fates are unknown to us;
We wond'rous magick pow'rs have often shown;
We have often displayed amazing magical powers;
But wretched, spite of this, appears our lot
But miserable, despite this, seems our fate.
Death never comes, though various ills we've got,
Death never comes, even though we face many troubles,
For we to human maladies are prone,
For we are prone to human illnesses,
And suffer greatly oft, I freely own.
And I often admit that I suffer a lot.
ONCE, in each week to serpents we are changed;
ONCE a week, we turn into serpents;
Do you remember how you here arranged,
Do you remember how you arranged this here,
To save an adder from a clown's attack?
To save a snake from a clown's attack?
'Twas I, the furious rustick wished to hack,
'Twas I, the angry country person wanted to chop,
When you assisted me to get away;
When you helped me get away;
For recompense, my friend, without delay,
For payment, my friend, without hesitation,
I'll you procure the kindness of the fair,
I'll make sure to get the kindness of the fair,
Who makes you love and drives you to despair:
Who makes you fall in love and pushes you to the brink of despair:
We'll go and see her:—be assured from me,
We'll go see her—count on that from me,
Before two days are passed, as I foresee,
Before two days pass, as I can see,
You'll gain, by presents, Argia and the rest,
You'll gain, through gifts, Argia and the others,
Who round her watch, and are the suitor's pest.
Who keep an eye on her and are the suitor's annoyance.
Grudge no expense, be gen'rous, and be bold,
Grudge no expense, be generous, and be bold,
Your handfuls scatter, lavish be of gold.
Your handfuls scatter, generous like gold.
Assured you shall not want the precious ore;
Assured, you won't lack the precious metal;
For I command the whole of Plutus' store,
For I control all of Plutus' wealth,
Preserved, to please me, in the shades below;
Preserved, to make me happy, in the shadows below;
This charmer soon our magick pow'r shall know.
This charmer will soon know our magical power.
THE better to approach the cruel belle,
THE better to approach the cruel beauty,
And to your suit her prompt consent compel,
And to your request, quickly get her approval,
Myself transformed you'll presently perceive;
You'll soon see my transformation;
And, as a little dog, I'll much achieve,
And, as a small dog, I'll accomplish a lot,
Around and round I'll gambol o'er the lawn,
Around and around I'll frolic on the lawn,
And ev'ry way attempt to please and fawn,
And in every way try to please and flatter,
While you, a pilgrim, shall the bag-pipe play;
While you, a traveler, shall play the bagpipes;
Come, bring me to the dame without delay.
Come, take me to the lady right away.
NO sooner said, the lover quickly changed,
NO sooner said, the lover quickly changed,
Together with the fairy, as arranged;
Together with the fairy, as planned;
A pilgrim he, like Orpheus, piped and sang;
A pilgrim he was, like Orpheus, playing music and singing;
While Manto, as a dog, skipt, jumped, and sprang.
While Manto, as a dog, skipped, jumped, and leaped.
THEY thus proceeded to the beauteous dame;
THEY then went up to the beautiful lady;
Soon valets, maids, and others round them came;
Soon, valets, maids, and other staff came around them;
The dog and pilgrim gave extreme delight
The dog and the traveler brought great joy.
And all were quite diverted at the sight.
And everyone was really entertained by the sight.
THE lady heard the noise, and sent her maid,
THE lady heard the noise and sent her maid,
To learn the reason why they romped and played:
To find out why they ran around and had fun:
She soon returned and told the lovely belle,
She soon came back and told the beautiful girl,
A spaniel danced, and even spoke so well,
A spaniel danced and even spoke so well,
it ev'ry thing could fully understand,
if everything could fully understand,
And showed obedience to the least command.
And showed obedience to even the smallest command.
'Twere better come herself and take a view:
It would be better for her to come and take a look herself:
The things were wond'rous that the dog could do.
The things the dog could do were amazing.
THE dame at any price the dog would buy,
THE woman at any cost the dog would purchase,
In case the master should the boon deny.
In case the master denies the favor.
To give the dog our pilgrim was desired;
To give the dog our traveler was wanted;
But though he would not grant the thing required;
But even though he wouldn't give in to the request;
He whispered to the maid the price he'd take,
He whispered to the maid the price he would accept,
And some proposals was induced to make.
Some proposals were made.
Said he, 'tis true, the creature 's not for sale;
He said, "It's true, the creature isn't for sale;"
Nor would I give it: prayers will ne'er prevail;
Nor would I give it: prayers will never work;
Whate'er I chance to want from day to day,
Whichever things I happen to need from day to day,
It furnishes without the least delay.
It provides immediately.
To have my wish, three words alone I use,
To get what I want, I only use three words,
Its paw I squeeze, and whatsoe'er I choose,
Its paw I squeeze, and whatever I choose,
Of gold, or jewels, fall upon the ground;
Of gold or jewels, fall to the ground;
Search all the world, there's nothing like it found.
Search the whole world, there's nothing else like it.
Your lady's rich, and money does not want;
Your lady is wealthy, and there's no shortage of money;
Howe'er, my little dog to her I'll grant
However, I’ll give my little dog to her.
If she'll a night permit me in her bed,
If she'll let me stay the night in her bed,
The treasure shall at once to her be led.
The treasure will be taken to her right away.
THE maid at this proposal felt surprise;
THE maid was surprised by this proposal;
Her mistress truly! less might well suffice;
Her mistress, really! Even less would be enough;
A paltry knave! cried she, it makes me laugh;
A pathetic jerk! she exclaimed, it makes me laugh;
What! take within her bed a pilgrim's staff!
What! Take a pilgrim's staff into her bed!
Were such a circumstance abroad to get,
Were such a situation to arise,
My lady would with ridicule be met;
My lady would be met with mockery;
The dog and master, probably, were last
The dog and its owner were likely the last.
Beneath a hedge, or on a dunghill cast;
Beneath a hedge, or on a pile of manure;
A house like this they'll never see agen;—
A house like this they'll never see again;—
But then the master is the pride of men,
But then the master is the pride of people,
And that in love is ev'ry thing we find
And that in love is everything we find
Much wealth and beauty please all womankind!
Much wealth and beauty please all women!
HIS features and his mien the knight had changed;
HIS features and his demeanor the knight had changed;
Each air and look for conquest were arranged.
Each approach and look for victory were planned.
The maid exclaimed: when such a lover sues,
The maid exclaimed: when such a lover asks,
How can a woman any thing refuse?
How can a woman refuse anything?
Besides the pilgrim has a dog, 'tis plain,
Besides, the pilgrim has a dog, it's clear,
Not all the wealth of China could obtain.
Not all the wealth of China could be obtained.
Yet to possess my lady for a night,
Yet to spend a night with my lady,
Would to the master be supreme delight:
Would to the master be ultimate joy:
I SHOULD have mentioned, that our cunning spark;
I should have mentioned that our clever spark;
The dog would whisper (feigning some remark,)
The dog would whisper (pretending to make a comment,)
On which ten ducats tumbled at his feet;
On which ten ducats fell at his feet;
These Atis gave the maid, (O deed discreet;)
These Atis gave the maid, (Oh, what a clever act;)
Then fell a diamond: this our wily wight
Then dropped a diamond: this our clever guy
Took up, and smiling at the precious sight,
Took it up, smiling at the lovely sight,
Said he, what now I hold I beg you'll bear,
Said he, what I have here, I hope you'll accept,
To her you serve, so worthy of your care;
To her, you give your service, so deserving of your attention;
Present my compliments, and to her say,
Present my compliments, and tell her,
I'm her devoted servant from to-day.
I'm her devoted servant starting today.
THU female quickly to her mistress went;
THU female quickly went to her mistress;
Our charming little dog to represent:
Our adorable little dog to represent:
The various pow'rs displayed, and wonders done;
The different powers shown and the amazing things accomplished;
Yet scarcely had she on the knight begun,
Yet she had barely started on the knight,
And mentioned what he wished her to unfold,
And said what he wanted her to reveal,
But Argia could her rage no longer hold;
But Argia could no longer contain her rage;
A fellow! to presume, cried she, to speak
A guy! Can you believe it? she exclaimed, to say
Of me with freedom!—I am not so weak,
Of me with freedom!—I am not that weak,
To listen to such infamy, not I
To listen to such disgrace, not me
A pilgrim too!—no, you may well rely,
A traveler too!—no, you can definitely count on it,
E'en were he Atis, it would be the same,
Even if he were Atis, it would be the same,
To whom I now my cruel conduct blame:
To whom I now blame my cruel behavior:
Such things he never would to me propose;
Such things he would never propose to me;
Not e'en a monarch would the like disclose;
Not even a monarch would reveal something like that;
I'm 'bove temptation, presents would not do:—
I'm above temptation; gifts wouldn't work for me:—
Not Plutus' stores, if offered to my view;
Not even Plutus' treasures, if they were shown to me;
A paltry pilgrim to presume indeed,
A measly traveler to assume indeed,
To think that I would such a blackguard heed,
To think that I would pay attention to such a scoundrel,
Ambassadress my rank! and to admit
Ambassadress my rank! And to admit
A fellow, only for the gallows fit!
A guy, only good for the hangman's noose!
THIS pilgrim, cried the maid, has got the means
THIS pilgrim, the maid exclaimed, has got the resources
Not only belles to get, but even queens;
Not just beauties to win over, but even queens;
Or beauteous goddesses he could obtain:—
Or beautiful goddesses he could win:—
He's worth a thousand Atis's 'tis plain.
He's worth a thousand Atis, that's clear.
Bur, said the wife, my husband made me vow.
Bur, said the wife, my husband made me promise.
What? cried the maid, you'd not bedeck his brow!
What? shouted the maid, you won't adorn his head!
A pretty promise truly:—can you think,
A really nice promise:—can you imagine,
You less from this, than from the first, should shrink?
You should shrink less from this than from the first?
Who'll know the fact, or publish it around?
Who will know the truth or spread it around?
Consider well, how many might be found,
Consider carefully how many might be found,
Who, were they marked with spot upon the nose,
Who, if they had a spot on their nose,
When things had taken place that we suppose,
When things happened that we think,
Would not their heads so very lofty place,
Wouldn't their heads be in such a high position,
I'm well assured, but feel their own disgrace.
I'm sure of it, but they feel their own shame.
For such a thing, are we the worse a hair?
For something like that, are we any worse off?
No, no, good lady, who presumes to swear,
No, no, good lady, who dares to swear,
He can discern the lips which have been pressed,
He can see the lips that have been pressed,
By those that never have the fact confessed,
By those who have never admitted the truth,
Must be possessed of penetrating eyes,
Must have intense eyes,
Which pierce the sable veil of dark disguise.
Which break through the black curtain of darkness.
This favour, whether you accord or not,
This favor, whether you give it or not,
'Twill not a whit be less nor more a blot.
It won't be any less or more of a stain.
For whom, I pray, LOVE'S treasures would you hoard?
For whom, I ask, would you keep LOVE'S treasures?
For one, who never will a treat afford,
For someone who will never pay for a treat,
Or what is much the same, has not the pow'r?
Or what is essentially the same, doesn't it have the power?
All he may want you'll give him in an hour,
All he might want, you'll give him in an hour,
At his return; he's very weak and old,
At his return, he's very weak and old,
And, doubtless, ev'ry way is icy cold!
And, no doubt, every path is freezing cold!
THE cunning girl such rhetorick displayed,
THE clever girl displayed such persuasive skill,
That all she said, her mistress, having weighed,
That’s all she said, her mistress, having considered,
Began to doubt alone, and not deny
Began to doubt by myself, and not deny
The spaniel's art, and pilgrim's piercing eye:
The spaniel's skill, and the pilgrim's sharp gaze:
To her the master and his dog were led,
To her, the master and his dog were brought,
To satisfy her mind while still in bed;
To keep her mind occupied while still in bed;
For bright Aurora, from the wat'ry deep,
For bright Aurora, from the watery deep,
Not more reluctantly arose from sleep.
Not with much hesitation did I wake up.
OUR spark approached the dame with easy air,
OUR spark approached the lady with a relaxed demeanor,
Which seemed the man of fashion to declare;
Which seemed to declare the fashionable man;
His compliments were made with ev'ry grace,
His compliments were made with every grace,
That minds most difficult could wish to trace.
That minds most difficult could wish to trace.
THE fair was charmed, and with him quite content;
THE fair was enchanted, and with him completely happy;
You do not look, said she, like one who meant
You don’t look like someone who intended
Saint James of Compostella soon to see,
Saint James of Compostela soon to see,
Though, doubtless, oft to saints you bend the knee.
Though, no doubt, you often kneel before the saints.
TO entertain the smiling beauteous dame,
TO entertain the smiling beautiful lady,
The dog, by various tricks, confirmed his flame,
The dog, through different tricks, proved his affection,
To please the maid and mistress he'd in view:
To please the maid and the lady he had in mind:
Too much for these of course he could not do;
Too much for these, of course he couldn't do;
Though, for the husband, he would never move,
Though, for the husband, he would never change,
The little fav'rite sought again to prove
The little favorite tried again to prove
His wond'rous worth, and scattered o'er the ground,
His amazing value, spread out across the ground,
With sudden shake, among the servants round,
With a sudden shake, among the servants gathered,
Nice pearls, which they on strings arranged with care;
Nice pearls, arranged carefully on strings;
And these the pilgrim offered to the fair:
And these were what the pilgrim offered to the fair:
Gallantly fastened them around her arms,
Gallantly tied them around her arms,
Admired their whiteness and extolled her charms:
Admired their brightness and praised her beauty:
So well he managed, 'twas at length agreed,
So well he managed, it was finally agreed,
In what his heart desired he should succeed;
In what he truly wanted, he should succeed;
The dog was bought: the belle bestowed a kiss,
The dog was bought: the beauty gave a kiss,
As earnest of the promised future bliss.
As a guarantee of the happiness that is to come.
THE night arrived, when Atis fondly pressed,
THE night arrived, when Atis affectionately pressed,
Within his arms, the lady thus caressed;
Within his arms, the lady was gently held;
Himself he suddenly became again,
He suddenly became himself again,
On which she scarcely could her joy contain:—
On which she could barely contain her joy:—
Th' ambassador she more respect should show,
The ambassador should show her more respect,
Than favours on a pilgrim to bestow.
Than favors on a traveler to give.
THE fair and spark so much admired the night;
THE fair and spark so much admired the night;
That others followed equal in delight;
That others followed with the same joy;
Each felt the same, for where's the perfect shade;
Each felt the same, because where is the perfect shade?
That can conceal when joys like these pervade?
That can hide when joys like these are all around?
Expression strongly marks the youthful face,
Expression strongly marks the youthful face,
And all that are not blind the truth can trace.
And everyone who isn't blind can see the truth.
Some months had passed, when Anselm was dismissed;
Some months had passed when Anselm was let go;
Of gifts and pardons, long appeared his list;
Of gifts and pardons, his list had been long;
A load of honours from the Pope he got:—
A bunch of honors from the Pope he received:—
The CHURCH will these most lib'rally allot.
The CHURCH will generously distribute these.
FROM his vicegerent quickly he received
FROM his vicegerent quickly he received
A good account, and friends his fears relieved;
A good story, and his friends eased his fears;
The servants never dropt a single word
The servants never dropped a single word.
Of what had passed, but all to please concurred.
Of everything that happened, everyone agreed just to please each other.
THE judge, both maid and servants, questioned much;
THE judge, along with the maid and the servants, asked a lot of questions;
But not a hint he got, their care was such.
But he didn't get a clue; they were so careful.
Yet, as it often happens 'mong the FAIR,
Yet, as it often happens among the FAIR,
The devil entered on a sudden there;
The devil suddenly showed up;
Such quarrels 'tween the maid and mistress rose,
Such arguments between the maid and mistress arose,
The former vowed she would the tale disclose.
The former promised she would share the story.
Revenge induced her ev'ry thing to tell,
Revenge drove her to reveal everything,
Though she were implicated with the belle.
Though she was involved with the beauty.
SO great the husband's rage, no words can speak:
SO great was the husband's rage, no words could express it:
His fury somewhere he of course would wreak;
His anger, of course, would be unleashed somewhere;
But, since to paint it clearly would be vain—
But, since painting it clearly would be pointless—
You'll by the sequel judge his poignant pain.
You'll see his deep suffering in the sequel.
A SERVANT Anselm ordered to convey
A SERVANT Anselm ordered to convey
His wife a note, who was, without delay,
His wife a note, who was, without delay,
To come to town her honoured spouse to see;
To come to town to see her respected husband;
Extremely ill (for such he feigned to be.)
Extremely sick (which he pretended to be.)
As yet the lady in the country stayed;
As of now, the lady in the countryside remained;
Her husband to and fro' his visits paid.
Her husband made his visits back and forth.
SAID he, remember, when upon the road,
SAID he, remember, when on the road,
Conducting Argia from her lone abode,
Conducting Argia from her solitary home,
You must contrive her men to get away,
You need to figure out how to get her guys to leave.
And with her none but you presume to stay.—
And no one else but you dares to stay with her.
A jade! she horns has planted on my brow:
A jade! She's placed horns on my forehead:
Her death shall be the consequence I vow.
Her death will be the outcome, I swear.
Original
WITH force a poinard in her bosom thrust;
WITH force a dagger in her bosom thrust;
Watch well th' occasion:—die, I say, she must,
Watch the moment closely:—she has to die, I say,
The deed performed, escape; here's for you aid;
The deed is done, now run; here's your help;
The money take:—pursuit you can evade;
The money take:—you can avoid the chase;
As I request, proceed; then trust to me:—
As I ask, go ahead; then rely on me:—
You naught shall want wherever you may be.
You won’t lack anything no matter where you are.
TO seek fair Argia instantly he went;
To instantly seek fair Argia, he went;
She, by her dog, was warned of his intent.
She was warned of his intent by her dog.
How these can warn? if asked, I shall reply,
How can these warn? If asked, I'll answer,
They grumble, bark, complain, or fawn, or sigh;
They grumble, bark, complain, fawn, or sigh;
Pull petticoat or gown, and snarl at all,
Pull your petticoat or gown and scowl at everyone,
Who happen in their way just then to fall;
Who just happened to fall in their way at that moment;
But few so dull as not to comprehend;
But few are so dull that they can't understand;
Howe'er, this fav'rite whispered to his friend,
Howe'er, this favorite whispered to his friend,
The dangers that awaited her around;
The dangers that were waiting for her nearby;
But go, said he, protection you have found;
But go, he said, you’ve found protection;
Confide in me:—I'll ev'ry ill prevent,
Confide in me:—I'll prevent every problem,
For which the rascal hither has been sent.
For which the trickster has been sent here.
As on they moved, a wood was in the way,
As they moved on, there was a forest in the way,
Where robbers often waited for their prey;
Where thieves often waited for their victims;
The villain whom the husband had employed,
The villain that the husband had hired,
Sent forward those whose company annoyed,
Sent away those whose presence was bothersome,
And would prevent his execrable plan;
And would stop his terrible plan;
The last of horrid crimes.—disgrace to man!
The final of terrible crimes—shame on humanity!
No sooner had the wretch his orders told,
No sooner had the miserable person given his orders,
But Argia vanished—none could her behold;
But Argia disappeared—no one could see her;
The beauteous belle was quickly lost to view:
The beautiful girl quickly disappeared from sight:
A cloud, the fairy Manto o'er her threw.
A cloud, the fairy Manto threw over her.
THIS circumstance astonished much the wretch,
THIS circumstance astonished the wretch a lot,
Who ran to give our doating spouse a sketch
Who rushed to give our loving partner a quick drawing?
Of what had passed so strange upon the way;
Of the strange things that had happened along the way;
Old Anselm thither went without delay,
Old Anselm went there without hesitation,
When, marvellous to think! with great surprise,
When, amazing to think! with great surprise,
He saw a palace of extensive size,
He saw a big palace,
Erected where, an hour or two before,
Erected where, an hour or two before,
A hovel was not seen, nor e'en a door.
A shack wasn’t visible, not even a door.
THE husband stood aghast!—admired the place,
THE husband stood in shock!—admired the place,
Not built for man, e'en gods 'twould not disgrace.
Not made for humans, it wouldn’t even shame the gods.
The rooms were gilt; the decorations fine;
The rooms were gold-plated; the decorations were elegant;
The gardens and the pleasure-grounds divine;
The gardens and the beautiful grounds are like paradise;
Such rich magnificence was never seen;
Such incredible beauty was never seen;
Superb the whole, a charming blessed demesne.
Superb overall, a charming and blessed estate.
The entrance ev'ry way was open found;
The entrance was found open in every direction;
But not a person could be viewed around,
But no one could be seen around,
Except a negro, hideous to behold,
Except for a black person, who was ugly to look at,
Who much resembled AEsop, famed of old.
Who closely resembled Aesop, famous from long ago.
OUR judge the negro for a porter took,
OUR judge took the Black man for a porter,
Who was the house to clean and overlook;
Who was responsible for cleaning and overseeing the house;
And taking him for such, the black addressed,
And thinking of him as such, the black addressed,
With full belief the title was the best,
With complete confidence that the title was the best,
And that he greatly honoured him, 'twas plain
And it was clear that he held him in high regard.
(Of ev'ry colour men are proud and vain:)
(Of every color, people are proud and vain:)
Said he, my friend, what god this palace owns?
Said he, my friend, which god does this palace belong to?
Too much it seems for those of earthly thrones;
Too much it seems for those on earthly thrones;
No king, of consequence enough could be;
No king could be considered significant enough;
The palace, cried the black, belongs to me.
The palace, shouted the black, is mine.
THE judge was instantly upon his knees,
THE judge was immediately on his knees,
The negro's pardon asked, and sought to please;
The man's forgiveness was requested, and he tried to satisfy;
I trust, said he, my lord, you'll overlook
I trust, he said, my lord, you'll overlook
The fault I made: my ignorance mistook.
The mistake I made: my lack of knowledge misled me.
The universe has not so nice a spot;
The universe doesn't have such a nice place;
The world so beautiful a palace got!
The world is such a beautiful palace!
DOST wish me, said the black, the house to give,
DOST wish me, said the black, the house to give,
For thee and thine therein at ease to live?
For you and yours to live there comfortably?
On one condition thou shalt have the place
On one condition you shall have the place
For thee I seriously intend the grace,
For you, I truly intend the grace,
If thou 'lt on me a day or two attend,
If you'll wait for me a day or two,
As page of honour:—dost thou comprehend?
As a page of honor:—do you understand?
The custom know'st thou—better I'll expound;
The custom you know—I'll explain it better;
A cup-bearer with Jupiter is found,
A cup-bearer is found with Jupiter,
Thou'st heard no doubt.
You've heard, no doubt.
Original
ANSELM
ANSELM
What, Ganymede?
What’s up, Ganymede?
NEGRO
BLACK
The same;
Same here;
And I'm that Jupiter of mighty fame;
And I'm that well-known Jupiter;
The chief supreme who rules above the skies;
The highest ruler who governs above the sky;
Be thou the lad with fascinating eyes,
Be you the guy with captivating eyes,
Though not so handsome, nor in truth so young.
Though not as handsome, nor actually as young.
ANSELM
ANSELM
You jest, my lord; to youth I don't belong;
You’re joking, my lord; I’m not part of youth;
'Tis very clear;—my judge's dress—my age!
'Tis very clear;—my judge's outfit—my age!
NEGRO
Black
I jest? thou dream'st.
I’m joking? You're dreaming.
ANSELM
ANSELM
My lord?
My lord?
NEGRO
Black
You won't engage?
You not interested?
Just as you will:—'tis all the same you'll find.
Just as you will:—it's all the same you'll see.
ANSELM
ANSELM
My lord! . . . The learned judge himself resigned,
My lord! . . . The knowledgeable judge himself stepped down,
The black's mysterious wishes to obey;—
The person's mysterious desire to obey;—
Alas! curst presents, how they always weigh!
Alas! Cursed gifts, how heavy they always feel!
A PAGE the magistrate was quickly seen,
A PAGE the magistrate was quickly seen,
In dress, in look, in age, in air, in mien;
In fashion, in appearance, in age, in demeanor, in attitude;
His hat became a cap; his beard alone
His hat turned into a cap; his beard alone
Remained unchanged; the rest had wholly flown.
Remained unchanged; the rest had completely disappeared.
THUS metamorphosed to a pretty boy,
THUS transformed into a handsome young man,
The judge proceeded in the black's employ.
The judge continued working for the black.
Within a corner hidden, Argia lay,
Within a hidden corner, Argia lay,
And heard what Anselm had been led to say.
And heard what Anselm had said.
The Moor howe'er was Manto, most renowned,
The Moor, however, was Manto, very famous,
Transformed, as oft the fairy we have found;
Transformed, like the fairy we often discover;
She built the charming palace by her art,—
She created the beautiful palace with her skill,—
Now youthful features would to age impart.
Now youthful features would bring on age.
AT length, as Anselm through a passage came,
AT last, as Anselm walked through a passage,
He suddenly beheld his beauteous dame.
He suddenly saw his beautiful lady.
What! learned Anselm do I see, said she,
What! Is that really Anselm I see? said she,
In this disguise?—It surely cannot be;
In this disguise?—It can't be;
My eyes deceive me:—Anselm, grave and wise;
My eyes are playing tricks on me:—Anselm, serious and knowledgeable;
Give such a lesson? I am all surprise.
Give such a lesson? I'm completely shocked.
'TIS doubtless he: oh, oh! our bald-pate sire;
'Tis definitely him: oh, oh! our bald-headed father;
Ambassador and judge, we must admire,
Ambassador and judge, we must appreciate,
To see your honour thus in masquerade:—
To see you like this in disguise:—
At your age, truly, suffer to be made
At your age, honestly, endure to be transformed.
A—modesty denies my tongue its powr's
A—modesty denies my tongue its powers
What!—you condemn to death for freaks like ours?
What!—you're sentencing us to death for things like this?
You, whom I've found *** you understand—for shame
You, who I’ve found *** you understand—shame on you
Your crimes are such as all must blush to name.
Your crimes are the kind that everyone would be ashamed to mention.
Though I may have a negro for gallant,
Though I may have a Black man for a lover,
And erred when Atis for me seemed to pant,
And made a mistake when Atis appeared to be panting for me,
His merit and the black's superior rank,
His merit and the Black's higher status,
Must lessen, if not quite excuse my prank.
Must reduce, if not completely forgive my joke.
Howe'er, old boy, you presently shall see,
Howe'er, old boy, you presently shall see,
If any belle solicited should be,
If any beauty asks,
To grant indulgencies, with presents sweet,
To give indulgences, with sweet gifts,
She will not straight capitulation beat;
She won't just give up;
At least, if they be such as I have viewed:—
At least, if they are like the ones I've seen:—
Moor, change to dog; immediately ensued
Moor, change to dog; right away followed
The metamorphose that the fair required,
The transformation that the fair needed,
The black'moor was again a dog admired.
The black moor was once again a dog that people admired.
Dance, fav'rite; instantly he skipped and played;
Dance, favorite; he immediately jumped and played;
And to the judge his pretty paw conveyed.
And to the judge, his cute little paw conveyed.
Spaniel, scatter gold; presently there fell
Spaniel, scatter gold; soon there fell
Large sums of money, as the sound could tell.
Large amounts of money, as the sound indicated.
Such strong temptation who can e'er evade?
Such strong temptation, who can ever escape?
The dog a present to your wife was made.
The dog was a gift for your wife.
Then show me, if you can, upon the earth,
Then show me, if you can, on the earth,
A queen, a princess, of the highest birth,
A queen, a princess, of noble birth,
Who would not virtue presently concede,
Who wouldn't agree that virtue is important right now,
If such excuses for it she could plead;
If she could come up with excuses for it;
Particularly if the giver proved
Especially if the giver showed
A handsome lad that elegantly moved.
A handsome young man who moved with grace.
I, TRULY, for the spaniel was exchanged;
I, FOR REAL, was traded for the spaniel;
What you'd too much of, freely I arranged,
What you wanted too much of, I arranged for you without hesitation,
To grant away, this jewel to obtain
To give away, this gem to acquire
My value 's nothing great, you think, 'tis plain;
My worth isn't anything special, you think, it's obvious;
And, surely, you'd have thought me very wrong,
And, of course, you would have thought I was completely wrong,
When such a prize I met, to haggle long.
When I encountered such a prize, I haggled for a long time.
'Twas he this palace raised; but I have done;
'Twas he who built this palace; but I'm done now;
Remember, since you've yet a course to run,
Remember, since you still have a journey to complete,
Take care again how you command my death;
Take care again how you order my death;
In spite of your designs I draw my breath.
In spite of your plans, I'm still here.
Though none but Atis with me had success,
Though only Atis and I succeeded,
I now desire, he may Lucretia bless,
I now wish that he may bless Lucretia,
And wish her to surrender up her charms,
And hope she gives up her charms,
(Just like myself) to his extended arms.
(Just like me) to his open arms.
If you approve, our peace at once is made:
If you agree, our peace is made right away:
If not—while I've this dog I'm not afraid,
If not—while I have this dog I'm not scared,
But you defy: I dread not swords nor bowl;
But you resist: I'm not afraid of swords or challenges;
The little dog can warn me of the whole;
The little dog can alert me to everything;
The jealous he confounds; be that no more;
The jealous ones he confuses; let that be enough;
Such folly hence determine to give o'er.
Such foolishness makes me decide to give up.
If you, to put restraints on women choose,
If you choose to impose restrictions on women,
You'll sooner far their fond affections lose.
You'll lose their loving feelings much sooner.
THE whole our judge conceded;—could he less?
THE whole thing our judge agreed to;—could he do anything less?
The secret of his recent change of dress
The reason for his recent change of outfit
Was promised to be kept: and that unknown,
Was promised to be kept: and that unknown,
E'en cuckoldom again might there have flown.
Even cuckoldry might have happened again there.
OUR couple mutual compensation made,
Our couple mutual agreement made,
Then bade adieu to hill, and dale, and glade.
Then said goodbye to the hill, the valley, and the clearing.
SOME critick asks the handsome palace' fate;
SOME critic asks about the fate of the beautiful palace;
I answer:—that, my friend, I shan't relate;
I respond:—that, my friend, I won't share;
It disappeared, no matter how nor when.
It vanished, no matter how or when.
Why put such questions?—strict is not my pen.
Why ask such questions?—I'm not strict with my writing.
The little dog, pray what of that became?
The little dog, what happened to it?
To serve the lover was his constant aim.
To constantly please his lover was his main goal.
AND how was that?—You're troublesome my friend:
AND how was that?—You're a hassle, my friend:
The dog perhaps would more assistance lend;
The dog might offer more help.
On new intrigues his master might be bent;
On new schemes, his master might be focused;
With single conquest who was e'er content?
With a single victory, who was ever satisfied?
THE fav'rite spaniel oft was missing found;
THE favorite spaniel was often found missing;
But when the little rogue had gone his round,
But when the little troublemaker had finished his rounds,
He'd then return, as if from work relieved,
He'd then come back, as if he was relieved after a long day at work,
To her who first his services received.
To the one who first received his help.
His fondness into fervent friendship grew;
His affection turned into a passionate friendship;
As such gay Atis visited anew;
As such, the happy Atis visited again;
He often came, but Argia was sincere,
He visited frequently, but Argia was genuine,
And firmly to her vow would now adhere:
And she would now stick to her promise:
Old Anselm too, had sworn, by heav'n above;
Old Anselm had also sworn, by heaven above;
No more to be suspicious of his love;
No more reason to doubt his love;
And, if he ever page became again,
And, if he ever came back again,
To suffer punishment's severest pain.
To endure the worst punishment.
THE EEL PIE
Original
HOWEVER exquisite we BEAUTY find,
No matter how beautiful we find,
It satiates sense, and palls upon the mind:
It satisfies the senses but becomes dull to the mind:
Brown bread as well as white must be for me;
Brown bread as well as white bread must be for me;
My motto ever is—VARIETY.
My motto is always VARIETY.
THAT brisk brunette, with languid, sleepy eye,
THAT lively brunette, with a relaxed, drowsy eye,
Delights my fancy; Can you tell me why?
Delights my imagination; Can you tell me why?
The reason 's plain enough:—she 's something new.
The reason is pretty clear:—she's something new.
The other mistress, long within my view,
The other mistress, always in my sight,
Though lily fair, with seraph features blessed,
Though fair like a lily, with angelic features blessed,
No more emotion raises in my breast;
No more emotions rise in my heart;
Her heart assents, while mine reluctant proves;
Her heart agrees, while mine hesitates;
Whence this diversity that in us moves?
Whence does this diversity within us come?
From hence it rises, to be plain and free,
From here it comes, to be clear and open,
My motto ever is—VARIETY.
My motto is—VARIETY.
THE same in other words, I've often said;
THE same in different words, I've said many times;
'Tis right, at times, disguise with care to spread.
'Tis right, at times, disguise with care to spread.
The maxim's good, and with it I agree:
The saying is good, and I agree with it:
My motto ever is—VARIETY.
My motto is—VARIETY.
A CERTAIN spouse the same devise had got,
A certain spouse had the same plan,
Whose wife by all was thought a handsome lot.
Whose wife everyone considered a good catch.
His love, howe'er, was over very soon;
His love, however, was gone very quickly;
It lasted only through the honeymoon;
It only lasted through the honeymoon;
Possession had his passion quite destroyed;
Possession had completely destroyed his passion;
In Hymen's bands too oft the lover 's cloyed.
In the bonds of marriage, lovers often feel overwhelmed.
ONE, 'mong his valets, had a pretty wife;
ONE, among his servants, had a lovely wife;
The master was himself quite full of life,
The master was very lively himself,
And soon the charmer to his wishes drew,
And soon the charmer started to fulfill his wishes,
With which the husband discontented grew,
With which the husband became unhappy,
And having caught them in the very fact,
And having caught them in the act,
He rang his mate the changes for the act;
He called his friend to discuss the details of the performance;
Sad names he called her, howsoever just,
Sad names he called her, no matter how fair,
A silly blockhead! thus to raise a dust,
A foolish fool! causing such a commotion,
For what, in ev'ry town 's so common found;
For what is so commonly found in every town;
May we worse fortune never meet around!
May we never encounter worse luck!
Original
HE made the paramour a grave harangue
He gave the lover a serious lecture.
Don't others give, said he, the poignant pang;
Don't others give, he said, the sharp pain;
But ev'ry one allow to keep his own,
But everyone is allowed to keep their own,
As God and reason oft to man have shown,
As God and reason often show to people,
And recommended fully to observe;
And fully recommended to observe;
You from it surely have not cause to swerve;
You definitely have no reason to stray from it;
You cannot plead that you for beauty pine
You can’t argue that you’re longing for beauty.
You've one at home who far surpasses mine;
You've got someone at home who's way better than mine;
No longer give yourself such trouble, pray:
No longer trouble yourself like this, please:
You, to my help-mate, too much honour pay;
You give my partner too much honor;
Such marked attentions she can ne'er require
Such strong attention she can never need.
Let each of us, alone his own admire.
Let each of us admire our own, alone.
To others' WELLs you never ought to go,
To other people's wells, you should never go,
While your's with sweets is found to overflow;
While yours with sweets is found to overflow;
I willingly appeal to connoisseurs;
I gladly appeal to experts;
If heav'n had blessed me with such bliss as your's,
If heaven had blessed me with the same happiness as yours,
That when I please, your lady I could take,
That whenever I want, I could take your lady,
I would not for a queen such charms forsake.
I wouldn’t give up such charms for a queen.
But since we can't prevent what now is known,
But since we can't stop what is now known,
I wish, good sir, contented with your own,
I hope, good sir, you're happy with what you have,
(And 'tis, I hope, without offence I speak,)
(And I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying this,)
You'll favours from my wife no longer seek.
You won't seek favors from my wife anymore.
THE master, neither no nor yes replied,
THE master, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, replied,
But orders gave, his man they should provide;
But orders were given, his people should take care of it;
For dinner ev'ry day, what pleased his taste,
For dinner every day, what satisfied his taste,
A pie of eels, which near him should be placed.
A pie of eels, which should be placed near him.
HIS appetite at first was wond'rous great;
HIS appetite at first was wonderfully great;
Again, the second time, as much he ate;
Again, the second time, as much as he ate;
But when the third appeared, he felt disgust,
But when the third one showed up, he felt disgust.
And not another morsel down could thrust.
And couldn’t manage to get down another bite.
The valet fain would try a diff'rent dish;
The valet would gladly try a different dish;
'Twas not allowed;—you've got, said they, your wish;
'Twas not allowed;—you've got, they said, your wish;
'Tis pie alone; you like it best you know,
'Tis just pie; you know you like it best,
And no objection you must dare to show.
And you can't show any objections.
I'M surfeited, cried he, 'tis far too much:
I’m overwhelmed, he exclaimed, it’s way too much:
Pie ev'ry day! and nothing else to touch!
Pie every day! and nothing else to eat!
Not e'en a roasted eel, or stewed, or fried!
Not even a roasted eel, or stewed, or fried!
Dry bread I'd rather you'd for me provide.
Dry bread, I’d prefer you to provide for me.
Of your's allow me some at any rate,
Of yours, let me have some, at least.
Pies, (devil take them!) thoroughly I hate;
Pies, (damn them!) I absolutely hate;
They'll follow me to Paradise I fear,
They'll follow me to Paradise, I’m afraid,
Or further yet;—Heav'n keep me from such cheer!
Or even more;—Heaven save me from such happiness!
THEIR noisy mirth the master thither drew,
THEIR loud laughter brought the master there,
Who much desired the frolick to pursue;
Who greatly wanted to continue the fun;
My friend, said he, I greatly feel surprise,
My friend, he said, I’m really surprised.
That you so soon are weary grown of pies;
That you’re already tired of pies;
Have I not heard you frequently declare,
Have I not heard you often say,
Eel-pie 's of all, the most delicious fare?
Eel pie is definitely the most delicious dish of all, right?
Quite fickle, certainly, must be your taste;
Quite fickle, surely, must be your taste;
Can any thing in me so strange be traced?
Can anything in me be traced as so strange?
When I exchange a food which you admire;
When I trade a dish that you admire;
You blame and say, I never ought to tire;
You blame and say, I should never get tired;
You do the very same; in truth, my friend,
You do the exact same thing; honestly, my friend,
No mark of folly 'tis, you may depend,
No sign of foolishness, you can count on,
In lord or squire, or citizen or clown,
In lord or landowner, or townsman or fool,
To change the bread that's white for bit of brown:
To swap the white bread for some brown:
With more experience, you'll with me agree,—
With more experience, you'll agree with me,—
My motto ever is—VARIETY.
My motto is—VARIETY.
WHEN thus the master had himself expressed,
WHEN the master had said this,
The valet presently was less distressed;
The valet was feeling less anxious now;
Some arguments, howe'er, at first he used;
Some arguments, however, he used at first;
For, after all—are fully we excused,
For, after all—are we fully excused,
When we our pleasure solely have in view;
When we focus only on our own enjoyment;
Without regarding what's to others due?
Without considering what is owed to others?
I relish change; well, take it; but 'tis best,
I enjoy change; I embrace it; but it's best,
To gain the belles with love of gold possessed;
To win over the beauties with their love for wealth;
And that appears to me the proper plan;
And that seems like the right approach to me;
In truth, our lover very soon began
In truth, our lover quickly started
To practise this advice;—his voice and way
To practice this advice;—his voice and way
Could angel-sweetness instantly convey.
Could angelic sweetness instantly convey.
HIS words were always gilt; (impressive tongue!)
HIS words were always golden; (impressive speaker!)
To gilded words will sure success belong.
To fancy words will definitely bring success.
In soft amours they're ev'ry thing 'tis plain
In gentle affections, they're everything, that's clear.
The maxim 's certain, and our aim will gain;
The saying is certain, and we will achieve our goal;
My meaning doubtless easily is seen;
My meaning is absolutely clear;
A hundred times repeated this has been
A hundred times this has been repeated
Th' impression should be made so very deep,
Th' impression should be made so very deep,
That I thereon can never silence keep;
That I can never stay silent about it;
And this the constant burden of my song—
And this is the constant theme of my song—
To gilded words will sure success belong.
To elegant words will definitely success belong.
THEY easily persuade the beauteous dame;
THEY easily convince the beautiful lady;
Her dog, her maid, duenna, all the same;
Her dog, her maid, and her chaperone, all the same;
The husband sometimes too, and him we've shown
The husband sometimes too, and we've shown him
'Twas necessary here to gain alone;
'Twas necessary here to gain alone;
By golden eloquence his soul was lulled;
By golden words, his soul was soothed;
Although from ancient orators not culled:
Although not taken from ancient speakers:
Their books retained have nothing of the kind;
Their books have nothing like that;
Our jealous spouse indulgent grew we find.
Our jealous spouse became more indulgent, we discover.
He followed e'en, 'tis said, the other's plan—
He followed, it’s said, the other’s plan—
And, thence his dishes to exchange began.
And so, he started to trade his dishes.
THE master and his fav'rite's freaks around;
THE master and his favorite's antics all around;
Continually the table-talk were found;
Continually, the discussions were found;
He always thought the newest face the best:
He always believed the newest face was the best:
Where'er he could, each beauty he caressed;
Wherever he could, he embraced every beauty;
The wife, the widow, daughter, servant-maid,
The wife, the widow, daughter, maid,
The nymph of field or town:—with all he played;
The nymph of the field or city:—with everything he played;
And, while he breathed, the same would always be;
And, as long as he was alive, things would always remain the same;
His motto ever was—VARIETY.
His motto was—VARIETY.
THE MAGNIFICENT
Original
SOME wit, handsome form and gen'rous mind;
SOME wit, attractive appearance, and generous spirit;
A triple engine prove in love we find;
A threefold test in love we discover;
By these the strongest fortresses are gained
By these, the strongest fortresses are taken.
E'en rocks 'gainst such can never be sustained.
Even rocks against such can never be sustained.
If you've some talents, with a pleasing face,
If you have some talents and a nice face,
Your purse-strings open free, and you've the place.
Your wallet's wide open, and you've got the spot.
At times, no doubt, without these things, success
At times, surely, without these things, success
Attends the gay gallant, we must confess;
Attends the stylish guy, we have to admit;
But then, good sense should o'er his actions rule;
But then, common sense should guide his actions;
At all events, he must not be a fool.
At any rate, he can't be an idiot.
The stingy, women ever will detest;
The stingy will always be disliked by women.
Words puppies want;—the lib'ral are the best.
Words puppies want;—the liberal are the best.
A Florentine, MAGNIFICENT by name,
A Florentine named MAGNIFICENT,
Was what we've just described, in fact and fame;
Was what we've just described, in reality and reputation;
The title was bestowed upon the knight,
The title was given to the knight,
For noble deeds performed by him in fight.
For the brave actions he took in battle.
The honour ev'ry way he well deserved;
The honor he deserved in every way;
His upright conduct (whence he never swerved,)
His moral behavior (which he never strayed from,)
Expensive equipage, and presents made,
Luxury gear and gifts given,
Proclaimed him all around what we've pourtrayed.
Made him known everywhere we’ve shown.
WITH handsome person and a pleasing mien,
WITH a good-looking person and a pleasant demeanor,
Gallant, a polished air, and soul serene;
Gallant, with a refined demeanor and a calm spirit;
A certain fair of noble birth he sought,
A certain noble lady he was pursuing,
Whose conquest, doubtless, brilliant would be thought;
Whose conquest would surely be seen as brilliant;
Which in our lover doubly raised desire;
Which in our lover's heart increased desire;
Renown and pleasure lent his bosom fire.
Renown and pleasure filled his heart with passion.
THE jealous husband of the beauteous fair
THE jealous husband of the beautiful woman
Was Aldobrandin, whose suspicious care
Was Aldobrandin, whose cautious attention
Resembled more, what frequently is shown
Resembled more, what is often shown
For fav'rites mistresses, than wives alone.
For favorite mistresses, rather than just wives.
He watched her every step with all his eyes;
He watched her every move with all his attention;
A hundred thousand scarcely would suffice;
A hundred thousand would barely be enough;
Indeed, quite useless Cupid these can make;
Indeed, Cupid can make these completely useless;
And Argus oft is subject to mistake:
And Argus is often prone to make mistakes:
Repeatedly they're duped, although our wight,
Repeatedly they're fooled, even though our weight,
(Who fancied he in ev'ry thing was right,)
(Who thought he was right in everything,)
Himself so perfectly secure believed,
He believed he was secure.
By gay gallants he ne'er could be deceived.
By flamboyant guys, he could never be fooled.
TO suitors, howsoe'er, he was not blind;
TO suitors, however, he was not oblivious;
To covet presents, greatly he inclined.
To really desire gifts, he was very inclined.
The lover yet had no occasion found,
The lover still hadn't found the right moment,
To drop a word to charms so much renowned;
To mention a word about such well-known charms;
He thought his passion was not even seen;
He felt like his passion went unnoticed;
And if it had, would things have better been?
And if it had, would things have been better?
What would have followed? what had been the end?
What would have happened next? What was the outcome?
The reader needs no hint to comprehend.
The reader doesn't need any clues to understand.
BUT to return to our forlorn gallant,
BUT to return to our sad hero,
Whose bosom for the lady's 'gan to pant;
Whose chest began to heave for the lady;
He, to his doctor, not a word had said;
He hadn’t said a word to his doctor;
Now here, now there, he tried to pop his head.
Now here, now there, he tried to peek his head out.
But neither door nor window could he find,
But he couldn't find any door or window,
Where he might glimpse the object of his mind,
Where he might catch a glimpse of what he was thinking about,
Or even hear her voice, or sound her name;
Or even hear her voice or say her name;
No fortress had he ever found the same;
No fortress had he ever encountered that was the same;
Yet still to conquer he was quite resolved,
Yet he was still determined to conquer,
And oft the manner in his mind revolved.
And often the way he thought turned over in his mind.
This plan at length he thought would best succeed,
This plan, in his opinion, would succeed the most.
To execute it doubtless he had need
To carry it out, he definitely needed
Of ev'ry wily art he could devise,
Of every clever trick he could come up with,
Surrounded as he was by eagle-eyes.
Surrounded by keen watchers.
I THINK the reader I've already told,
I THINK I've already informed the reader,
Our husband loved rich presents to behold;
Our husband loved to see fancy gifts;
Though none he made, yet all he would receive;
Though he made none, he would accept all;
Whate'er was offered he would never leave.
Whichever was offered, he would never leave.
MAGNIFICENT a handsome horse had got,
MAGNIFICENT a good-looking horse he had,
It ambled well, or cantered, or would trot;
It walked slowly, or jogged, or would run;
He greatly valued it, and for its pace,
He really valued it, and for its pace,
'Twas called the Pad; it stept with wond'rous grace:
'Twas called the Pad; it moved with amazing grace:
By Aldobrandin it was highly praised;
By Aldobrandin, it received great praise;
Enough was this: the knight's fond hopes were raised;
Enough was this: the knight's hopes were lifted;
Who offered to exchange, but t'other thought,
Who offered to trade, but the other thought,
He in a barter might perhaps be caught.
He might maybe be caught in a trade.
'Tis not, said he, that I the horse refuse;
'Tis not, he said, that I refuse the horse;
But I, in trucking, never fail to lose.
But I, in trucking, never seem to win.
Original
ON this, Magnificent, who saw his aim;
ON this, Magnificent, who saw his goal;
Replied, well, well, a better scheme we'll frame;
Replied, well, well, we'll come up with a better plan;
No changing we'll allow, but you'll permit,
No changes will be allowed, but you'll accept,
That for the horse, I with your lady sit,
That for the horse, I sit with your lady,
You present all the while, 'tis what I want;
You’re here all the time, that’s what I want;
I'm curious, I confess, and fort it pant.
I'm curious, I admit, and I can't help but want to know.
Besides, your friends assuredly should know
Besides, your friends definitely should know
What mind, what sentiments may from her flow.
What thoughts, what feelings might come from her?
Just fifteen minutes, I no more desire:
Just fifteen minutes, I want no more:
What! cried the other, you my wife require?
What! cried the other, you want me to be your wife?
No, no, pray keep your horse, that won't be right.
No, no, please keep your horse, that wouldn’t be appropriate.
But you'll be present, said the courteous knight.
But you'll be there, said the polite knight.
And what of that? rejoined the wily spouse.
And what about that? replied the clever partner.
Why, cried Magnificent, then naught should rouse
Why, shouted Magnificent, then nothing should stir
Your fears or cares, for how can ill arise,
Your worries or concerns, because how can anything bad happen,
While watched by you, possessed of eagle-eyes?
While you watch, with eagle eyes?
THE husband 'gan to turn it in his mind;
THE husband began to think it over;
Thought he, if present, what can be designed?
Thought he, if present, what can be planned?
The plan is such as dissipates my fears;
The plan puts my fears to rest;
The offer advantageous too appears;
The offer also seems advantageous;
He's surely mad; I can't conceive his aim;
He's definitely crazy; I can't figure out what his goal is;
But, to secure myself and wife from shame;
But, to protect my wife and me from shame;
Without his knowledge, I'll forbid the fair
Without him knowing, I'll stop the fair.
Her lips to open, and for this prepare.
Her lips are about to open, so get ready for it.
COME, cried old Aldobrandin, I'll consent:
COME, shouted old Aldobrandin, I'm in!
But, said the other, recollect 'tis meant,
But, said the other, remember it's meant,
So distant from us, all the while you stay,
So far away from us, all the time you’re here,
That not a word you hear of what I say.
That you don't hear a word of what I'm saying.
Agreed, rejoined the husband:—let's begin;
Agreed, the husband replied:—let's start;
Away he flew, and brought the lady in.
Away he flew and brought the woman in.
WHEN our gallant the charming belle perceived;
WHEN our brave and charming beauty noticed;
Elysium seemed around, he half believed.
Elysium felt close, he half believed.
The salutations o'er, they went and sat
The greetings done, they went and sat
Together in a corner, where their chat
Together in a corner, where their chat
Could not be heard, if they to talk inclined;
Couldn’t be heard if they wanted to talk;
Our brisk gallant no long harangues designed,
Our quick, charming friend has no lengthy speeches planned,
But to the point advanced without delay;
But let's get straight to the point without wasting any time;
Cried he, I've neither time nor place to say
Cried he, I have neither time nor space to say
What I could wish, and useless 'twere to seek
What I want, and it's pointless to look for
Expressions that but indirectly speak
Indirect expressions
The sentiments which animate the soul;
The feelings that inspire the soul;
In terms direct, 'tis better state the whole.
In direct terms, it's better to state the whole thing.
THUS circumstanced, fair lady, let me, pray;
THUS circumstanced, fair lady, let me, please;
To you at once, my adoration pay;
To you right now, I give my admiration;
No words my admiration can express;
No words can express my admiration;
Your charms enslave my senses, I confess;
Your charms captivate my senses, I admit;
Can you suppose to answer would be wrong?
Can you imagine that answering would be wrong?
Too much good sense to you should now belong;
Too much common sense should now belong to you;
Had I the leisure, I'd in form disclose
Had I the time, I'd reveal in a formal way
The tender flame with which my bosom glows;
The gentle flame that warms my heart;
Each horrid torment; but by Fate denied
Each terrible torment; but by fate denied
Blessed opportunities, let me not hide,
Blessed opportunities, I won't deny,
While moments offer, what pervades my heart,
While moments offer, what fills my heart,
And openly avow the burning smart
And openly admit the intense pain
Few minutes I have got to travel o'er
Few minutes I have to travel over
What gen'rally requires six months or more.
What generally takes six months or more.
Cold is that lover who will not pursue,
Cold is that lover who doesn't chase,
With ev'ry ardour, beauty, when in view.
With every passion, beauty, when seen.
But why this silence?—not a word you say!
But why this silence?—not a word from you!
You surely will not send me thus away!
You can't just send me away like this!
That heav'n, an angel made you, none deny;
That heaven, an angel created you, no one denies;
But still, to what is asked you should reply.
But still, you should respond to what is being asked.
Your husband this contrived I plainly see,
Your husband clearly planned this,
Who fancies that replies were not to be,
Who thinks that responses weren't supposed to happen,
Since in our bargain they were never named;
Since they were never mentioned in our deal;
For shuffling conduct he was ever famed;
For his mischievous behavior, he was always well-known;
But I'll come round him, spite of all his art;
But I'll win him over, despite all his tricks;
I can reply for you, and from the heart,
I can respond for you, and sincerely,
Since I can read your wishes in your eyes;
Since I can see your desires in your eyes;
'Tis thus to say—Good, sir, I would advise
'Tis thus to say—Good, sir, I would advise
That you regard me, not as marble cold;
That you see me, not as a cold statue;
Your various tournaments and actions bold,
Your various tournaments and bold actions,
Your serenades, and gen'ral conduct prove,
Your serenades and overall behavior show,
What tender sentiments your bosom move.
What heartfelt feelings stir within you.
YOUR fond affection constantly I praised,
YOUR fond affection I constantly praised,
And quickly felt a flame within me raised;
And quickly felt a fire inside me grow;
Yet what avails?—Oh, that I'll soon disclose;
Yet what does it matter?—Oh, that I'll reveal soon;
Since we agree, allow me to propose,
Since we all agree, let me suggest,
Our mutual wishes we enjoy to-night;
Our shared desires are fulfilled tonight;
And turn to ridicule that jealous Wight;
And laugh at that jealous guy;
In short, reward him for his wily fear,
In short, reward him for his clever fear,
In watching us so very closely here.
In watching us so closely here.
Your garden will be quite the thing, I guess;
Your garden will be something special, I suppose;
Go thither, pray, and never fear success;
Go there, please, and don’t worry about succeeding;
Depend upon it, soon his country seat
Depend upon it, soon his country house
Your spouse will visit:—then the hunks we'll cheat.
Your spouse will visit—then the guys we'll mess around with.
When plunged in sleep the grave duennas lie,
When deep in sleep, the serious guardians lie,
Arise, furred gown put on, and quickly fly;
Arise, put on your fur robe, and hurry up;
With careful steps you'll to the garden haste;
With careful steps, you'll hurry to the garden;
I've got a ladder ready to be placed
I've got a ladder ready to be set up.
Against the wall which joins your neighbour's square:
Against the wall that connects to your neighbor's yard:
I've his permission thither to repair;
I've got his permission to go there;
'Tis better than the street:—fear naught my dove.—
'It’s better than the street:—don’t worry, my dove.—
Ah! dear Magnificent, my fondest love;
Ah! dear Magnificent, my greatest love;
As you desire, I'll readily proceed;
As you wish, I'll gladly move forward;
My heart is your's: we fully are agreed.
My heart is yours: we completely agree.
'T's you who speaks, and, would that in my arms
'T's you who speaks, and I wish you were in my arms
Permission I had got to clasp your charms!
Permission I got to hold your beauty!
MAGNIFICENT (for her he now replied,)
MAGNIFICENT (he responded to her now,)
This flame you'll soon no reason have to hide
This flame, you'll soon have no reason to hide.
Through dread or fear of my old jealous fool,
Through the dread or fear of my old jealous idiot,
Who wisely fancies he can woman rule.
Who foolishly thinks he can control women.
THE lover, feigning rare, the lady left,
THE lover, pretending to be unique, the lady left,
And grumbling much, as if of hope bereft,
And complaining a lot, as if hopeless,
Addressed the husband thus: you're vastly kind;
Addressed the husband like this: you’re really generous;
As well with no-one converse I might find;
As well as not speaking with anyone, I might find;
If horses you so easily procure,
If you can get horses so easily,
You Fortune's frowns may very well endure.
You can definitely handle Fortune's frowns.
Mine neighs, at least, but this fair image seems,
Mine neighs, at least, but this beautiful image seems,
Mere pretty fish; I've satisfied my schemes;
Mere pretty fish; I've achieved my plans;
What now of precious minutes may remain,
What now of the precious minutes that may be left,
If any one desire my chance to gain,
If anyone wants to take my opportunity to gain,
A bargain he shall have:—most cheap the prize;
A deal he will get:—the prize will be very affordable;
The husband laughed till tears bedewed his eyes.
The husband laughed until tears filled his eyes.
Said he, these youths have always in their head
Said he, these young people always have it in their heads
Some wond'rous fancies; follies round them spread.
Some amazing ideas; silly things surround them.
Friend, from pursuit you much too soon retire:
Friend, you quit the chase way too early:
With time we oft obtain our fond desire.
With time, we often get what we really want.
But I shall always keep a watchful eye;
But I’ll always stay vigilant;
Some knowing tricks methinks I yet can spy;
Some clever tricks I think I can still spot;
Howe'er, the horse must now be clearly mine,
However, the horse must now clearly be mine,
And you'll the pad of course to me resign;
And you'll, of course, hand over the pad to me;
To you no more expense; and from to-day,
To you no more spending; and starting today,
Be not displeased to see me on it, pray;
Don't be upset to see me on it, please;
At ease I'll ride my country house to view;—
At ease, I'll take a ride to my country house to enjoy the view;—
That very night he to the mansion flew,
That very night he flew to the mansion,
And our good folks immediately repaired,
And our good people quickly fixed,
Where gay Magnificent no pains had spared
Where the brilliant gay had spared no effort
To get access; what passed we won't detail;
To gain access; we won't go into details about what happened;
Soft scenes, you'll doubtless guess, should there prevail.
Soft scenes, you can probably imagine, should be what dominates.
THE dame was lively, beautiful, and young;
THE woman was energetic, attractive, and young;
The lover handsome, finely formed, and strong;
The lover is good-looking, well-built, and strong;
Alike enchanted with each other's charms,
Alike captivated by each other's charms,
Three meetings were contrived without alarms;
Three meetings were organized without any issues;
A fair so captivating to possess,
A fair so captivating to have,
What mortal could be satisfied with less?
What person could be satisfied with less?
In golden dreams the sage duennas slept;
In golden dreams, the wise guardians slept;
A female sentinel to watch was kept.
A female guard was assigned to watch.
A SUMMER-HOUSE was at the garden end,
A SUMMER HOUSE was at the end of the garden,
Which to the pair much ease was found to lend;
Which the pair found much easier to lend;
Old Aldobrandin, when he built the same,
Old Aldobrandin, when he built it,
Ne'er fancied LOVE, would in it freak and game.
Never fancied love, would mess around and play games with it.
In cuckoldom he took his full degrees;
In cuckoldry, he fully immersed himself;
The horse he daily mounted at his ease,
The horse he comfortably rode every day,
And so delighted with his bargain seemed,
And he seemed so happy with his deal,
Three days, to prove it, requisite he deemed.
Three days, he thought, were necessary to prove it.
The country house received him ev'ry night;
The country house welcomed him every night;
At home he never dreamed but all was right.
At home, he never imagined anything was wrong.
WHAT numbers round, whom Fortune favours less;
WHAT numbers round, whom Fortune favors less;
Have got a wife, but not a horse possess;
Have a wife, but don't have a horse;
And, what yet still more wond'rous may appear,
And, what might still seem even more amazing,
Know ey'ry thing that passes with their dear.
Know everything that happens with their beloved.
THE EPHESIAN MATRON
Original
[NOTE: See Chapters 111 and 112 from The Satyricon by
[NOTE: See Chapters 111 and 112 from The Satyricon by
Petronius Arbiter. DW]
Petronius Arbiter. DW]
IF there's a tale more common than the rest,
IF there's a story more common than the rest,
The one I mean to give is such confessed.
The one I intend to give is clearly stated.
Why choose it then? you ask; at whose desire?
Why choose it then? you ask; at whose request?
Hast not enough already tuned thy lyre?
Haven't you already played your lyre enough?
What favour can thy MATRON now expect,
What favor can your MATRON expect now,
Since novelty thou clearly dost neglect?
Since you clearly overlook new ideas?
Besides, thou'lt doubtless raise the critick's rage.
Besides, you'll definitely provoke the critic's anger.
See if it looks more modern in my page.
See if it looks more modern on my page.
AT Ephesus, in former times, once shone,
AT Ephesus, in former times, once shone,
A fair, whose charms would dignify a throne;
A fair that would enhance the beauty of a throne;
And, if to publick rumour credit 's due,
And if public rumor is to be believed,
Celestial bliss her husband with her knew.
Celestial bliss her husband was aware of.
Naught else was talked of but her beauteous face,
Nothing else was discussed except her beautiful face,
And chastity that adds the highest grace;
And purity that brings the greatest beauty;
From ev'ry quarter numbers flocked to see
From every direction, crowds gathered to see
This belle, regarded as from errors free.
This beautiful woman is considered flawless.
The honour of her sex, and country too;
The honor of her gender and her country too;
As such, old mothers held her up to view,
As a result, older mothers showed her off for everyone to see,
And wished their offspring's wives like her to act:
And hoped their daughters-in-law would behave like her:
The sons desired the very same in fact;
The sons wanted the exact same thing;
From her, beyond a doubt, our PRUDES descend,
From her, without a doubt, our PRUDES come from,
An ancient, celebrated house, depend.
A historic, renowned house, rely.
THE spouse adored his beauteous charming wife:
THE spouse adored his beautiful, charming wife:
But soon, alas! he lost his precious life;
But soon, unfortunately! he lost his precious life;
'Twere useless on particulars to dwell:
'Twould be pointless to focus on the details:
His testament, indeed, provided well
His will, indeed, provided well
For her he loved on earth to fond excess,
For her he loved on earth to excessive affection,
Which, 'yond a doubt, would have relieved distress;
Which, without a doubt, would have relieved distress;
Could gold a cherished husband's loss repair,
Could gold repair the loss of a beloved husband,
That filled her soul with black corroding care.
That filled her soul with dark, overwhelming worry.
A WIDOW, howsoever, oft appears
A widow, however, often appears
Distracted 'mid incessant floods of tears,
Distracted amid constant streams of tears,
Who thoroughly her int'rest recollects,
Who fully remembers her interests,
And, spite of sobs, her property inspects.
And despite her sobs, she checks her belongings.
OUR Matron's cries were loudly heard around,
OUR Matron's cries were heard loudly all around,
And feeling bosoms shuddered at the sound;
And feeling chests trembled at the sound;
Though, we, on these occasions, truly know,
Though we truly know on these occasions,
The plaint is always greater than the woe.
The complaint is always greater than the sorrow.
Some ostentation ever is with grief
Some showiness always comes with sadness.
Those who weep most the soonest gain relief.
Those who cry first find comfort quickly.
EACH friend endeavoured to console the fair;
EACH friend tried to comfort the beautiful;
Of sorrow, she'd already had her share:
Of sorrow, she'd already had her fill:
'Twas wrong herself so fully to resign;—
'Twas wrong for her to completely give up;—
Such pious preachings only more incline
Such holy sermons only make people more inclined
The soul to anguish 'mid distractions dire:
The soul to suffer amid terrible distractions:
Extremes in ev'ry thing will soonest tire.
Extremes in everything will tire you out the fastest.
AT length, resolved to shun the glorious light,
AT last, determined to avoid the bright light,
Since her dear spouse no longer had the sight,
Since her beloved partner could no longer see,
O'erwhelmed with grief she sought Death's dreary cell,
O overwhelmed with grief, she sought Death's gloomy prison,
Her love to follow, and with him to dwell.
Her love is to follow him and to be with him.
A SLAVE, through pity, with the widow went;
A SLAVE, out of compassion, went with the widow;
To live or die with her she was content;
To live or die with her, she was okay with it;
To die, howe'er, she never could intend:
To die, however, she could never intend:
No doubt she only thought about her friend,
No doubt she was only thinking about her friend,
The mistress whom she never wished to quit,
The mistress she never wanted to leave,
Since from her birth with her she used to sit.
Since her birth, she has always sat with her.
They loved each other with a friendship true:
They genuinely loved each other as true friends:
From early years it daily stronger grew;
From an early age, it grew stronger every day;
Look through the universe you'll scarcely find,
Look through the universe, and you'll hardly find,
So great a likeness, both in heart and mind.
So strong a similarity, both in heart and mind.
The slave, more clever than the lady fair,
The slave, smarter than the pretty lady,
At first her mistress left to wild despair;
At first, her mistress was consumed by wild despair;
She then essayed to soothe each torment dire;
She then tried to soothe each intense pain;
But reason 's fruitless, with a soul on fire.
But reasoning is pointless when your soul is on fire.
No consolation would the belle receive,
No consolation would the beauty receive,
For one no more, she constantly would grieve,
For one no more, she would always be sad,
And sought to follow him to regions blessed:—
And tried to follow him to blessed places:—
The sword had shortest proved, if not the best.
The sword had proven to be the shortest, if not the best.
BUT still the lady anxious was to view,
BUT still the lady was eager to see,
Again those precious relicks, and pursue,
Again those precious relics, and pursue,
E'en in the tomb what yet her soul held dear
Even in the tomb, what her soul still held dear
No aliment she took her mind to cheer;
No food she had to lift her spirits;
The gate of famine was the one she chose,
The gate of famine was the one she chose,
By which to leave this nether world of woes.
By which to escape this troubled world.
A DAY she passed; another day the same;
A day went by; another day just like it;
Her only sustenance, sobs, sighs, and flame
Her only nourishment was tears, sighs, and passion.
Still unappeased; she murmur'd 'gainst her fate;
Still unsatisfied, she murmured against her fate;
But nothing could her direful woes abate.
But nothing could ease her terrible suffering.
ANOTHER corpse a residence had got,
ANOTHER corpse had been found in the residence,
A trifling distance from the gloomy spot;
A short distance from the dark place;
But very diff'rent, since, by way of tomb,
But very different, since, as a burial,
Enchained on gibbet was the latter's doom;
Enchained on the gallows was the latter's fate;
To frighten robbers was the form designed,
To scare off robbers was the intended purpose,
And show the punishment that rogues should find.
And show the consequences that wrongdoers should face.
A SOLDIER, as a sentinel was set,
A SOLDIER, like a guard, was positioned,
To guard the gallows, who good payment met;
To guard the gallows, he received a good payment;
'Twas ruled, howe'er, if robbers, parents, friends,
'Twas decided, however, if thieves, parents, friends,
The body carried off, to make amends,
The body was taken away to make things right,
The sentinel at once should take its place
The guard should immediately take its position.
Severity too great for such a case;
Severity too great for such a situation;
But publick safety fully to maintain,
But to fully maintain public safety,
'Twas right the sentry pardon should not gain.
'Twas right that the guard's pardon should not be granted.
WHILE moving round his post, he saw at night
WHILE moving around his post, he saw at night
Shine, cross the tomb, a strange, unusual light,
Shine, cross the tomb, a weird, unusual light,
Which thither drew him, curious to unfold
Which drew him there, curious to discover
What, through the chinks, his eyesight could behold.
What he could see through the cracks.
OUR wight soon heard the lady's cries distressed,
OUR wight soon heard the lady's distressed cries,
On which he entered, and with ardour pressed,
On which he entered, and eagerly pressed,
The cause of such excessive grief to know,
The reason for such overwhelming grief to understand,
And if 'twas in his pow'r to ease her woe.
And if it were in his power to reduce her suffering.
DISSOLVED in tears, and quite o'ercome with care;
DISSOLVED in tears, and completely overwhelmed with worry;
She scarcely noticed that a man was there.
She hardly noticed that a man was present.
The corpse, howe'er, too plainly told her pain,
The corpse, however, clearly showed her pain,
And fully seemed the myst'ry to explain.
And the mystery seemed completely clear.
We've sworn, exclaimed the slave, what's 'yond belief,
We've sworn, shouted the slave, what's that belief over there,
That here we'll die of famine and of grief.
That here we'll die of hunger and sorrow.
Original
THOUGH eloquence was not the soldier's art,
THOUGH being articulate was not the soldier's skill,
He both convinced 'twas wrong with life to part:
He convinced that it was wrong to part with life:
The dame was great attention led to pay,
The lady deserved a lot of attention.
To what the son of Mars inclined to say,
To what the son of Mars was about to say,
Which seemed to soften her severe distress:
Which seemed to ease her intense distress:
With time each poignant smart is rendered less.
With time, each sharp pain fades.
IF, said the soldier, you have made a vow,
IF, said the soldier, you have made a vow,
That you, some food to take will not allow;
That you won’t allow me to take some food;
Yet, looking on while I my supper eat,
Yet, watching as I eat my dinner,
Will not prolong your lives, nor oaths defeat.
Will not extend your lives, nor will oaths fail.
HIS open manner much was formed to please;
His friendly demeanor was designed to charm.
The lady and her maid grew more at ease,
The lady and her maid became more comfortable,
Which made the gen'rous sentinel conclude,
Which made the generous guard conclude,
To bring his meat they would not fancy rude.
To bring his meat, they wouldn’t think it was rude.
THIS done, the slave no longer was inclined
THIS done, the slave no longer felt inclined
To follow Death, as soon she changed her mind.
To follow Death, as soon as she changed her mind.
Said she, good madam, pleasing thoughts I've got;
Said she, good lady, I have some pleasant thoughts;
Don't you believe that, if you live or not,
Don't you think that, whether you live or not,
'Tis to your husband ev'ry whit the same?
Is it the same for your husband?
Had you gone first, would he have had the name
Had you gone first, would he have had the name?
Of following to the grave as you design?
Of following to the grave as you plan?
No, no, he'd to another course incline.
No, no, he had to choose a different path.
Long years of comfort we may clearly crave;
Long years of comfort we may obviously desire;
At twenty years it's surely wrong to brave
At twenty years, it’s definitely wrong to be bold
Both death and famine in a gloomy tomb
Both death and hunger in a dark grave
There's time enough to think of such a doom.
There's plenty of time to think about such a fate.
At best, too soon we die; do let us wait;
At best, we die too soon; let's wait.
Here's nothing now at least to haste our fate.
Here's nothing now at least to hurry our fate.
In truth, I wish to see a good old age:
In reality, I hope to experience a happy old age:
To bury charms like your's, would that be sage?
To bury charms like yours, would that be wise?
Of what advantage, I should wish to know,
Of what benefit, I’d like to know,
To carry beauty to the shades below?
To bring beauty to the shadows below?
Those heavenly features make my bosom sigh,
Those heavenly features make me sigh.
To think from earthly praise they mean to fly.
To think they aim to escape from earthly praise.
THIS flatt'ry roused the beauteous widowed fair;
THIS flattery stirred the beautiful widowed woman;
The god of soft persuasion soon was there,
The god of gentle persuasion soon arrived,
And from his quiver in a moment drew
And in an instant, he pulled from his quiver
Two arrows keen, which from his bow-string flew;
Two sharp arrows that flew from his bowstring;
With one he pierced the soldier to the heart,
With one, he stabbed the soldier in the heart,
The lady slightly felt the other dart.
The woman barely felt the other dart.
Her youth and beauty, spite of tears, appeared,
Her youth and beauty, despite the tears, shone through,
And men of taste such charms had long revered;
And men of taste had long admired such charms;
A mind of tender feeling might, through life.
A kind and sensitive mind might navigate through life.
Have loved her—even though she were a wife.
Have loved her—even though she was a wife.
THE sentinel was smitten with her charms;
THE guard was captivated by her charms;
Grief, pity, sighs, belong to Cupid's arms;
Grief, pity, and sighs belong to Cupid's embrace;
When bosoms heave and eyes are drowned in tears,
When chests rise and eyes are filled with tears,
Then beauty oft with conq'ring grace appears.
Then beauty often shows up with conquering charm.
BEHOLD our widow list'ning to his praise,
BEHOLD our widow listening to his praise,
Incipient fuel Cupid's flame to raise;
Incipient fuel ignites Cupid's flame to rise;
Behold her, even glad to view the wight,
Behold her, even happy to see the person,
Whose well tim'd flatt'ry filled her with delight
Whose well-timed compliments filled her with joy
AT length, to eat he on the fair prevailed,
AT length, he finally managed to eat at the fair,
And pleased her better than the dead bewailed.
And pleased her more than the dead mourned.
So well he managed, that she changed her plan,
So well he handled it that she changed her plan,
And, by degrees, to love him fondly 'gan.
And, little by little, I started to love him deeply.
The son of Mars a darling husband grew,
The son of Mars became a beloved husband,
While yet her former dear was full in view.
While her beloved was still clearly in sight.
MEANTIME the corpse, that long in chains had swung,
MEANTIME the body, that had been swinging in chains for a long time,
By thieves was carried off from where it hung.
By thieves was taken down from where it was hanging.
The noise was heard, and thither ran our wight;
The noise was heard, and there ran our person;
But vain his efforts:—they were out of sight;
But his efforts were in vain:—they were out of sight;
Confused, distressed, he sought again the tomb,
Confused and distressed, he looked for the tomb again,
To tell his grief and settle, 'mid the gloom,
To express his sorrow and find some peace amid the darkness,
How best to act, and where his head to hide,
How to act correctly, and where to hide his head,
Since hang he must, the laws would now decide.
Since he must hang, the law would now decide.
THE slave replied, your gibbet-thief, you say,
THE slave replied, "You, the thief of the gallows, you say,"
Some lurking rogues this night have borne away:
Some sneaky troublemakers have taken off tonight:
The law, it seems, will ne'er accord you grace
The law, it appears, will never show you mercy.
The corpse that's here, let's set in t'other's place:
The body that's here, let's put it in the other person's spot:
The passers-by the change will never tell
The passers-by will never reveal the change.
The lady gave consent, and all was well.
The woman agreed, and everything was fine.
O FICKLE females, ever you're the same;
O fickle females, you’re always the same;
A woman's a woman, both in mind and name
A woman is a woman, both in her thoughts and her identity.
Some fair we find, and some unlike the dove,
Some fairs we find, and some are not like the dove,
But CONSTANCY'S the highest charm of love.
But loyalty is the greatest quality of love.
YE prudes, for ever doubt of full success;
YE prudes, always questioning complete success;
Don't boast at all: too much you may profess,
Don't boast at all: you might talk too much,
How good soever your design may be,
How good your plan may be,
Not less is ours, you easily may see;
Not less is ours, you can easily see;
The MATRON'S tale is not beyond belief:
The MATRON'S story is not unbelievable:
To entertain, our object is in chief.
To entertain is our main goal.
THE widow's only errors were her cries;
THE widow's only mistakes were her cries;
And mad design her life to sacrifice;
And crazy plans made her life a sacrifice;
For, merely setting husband-dead in place
For just placing husband-dead in position
of one of this patibulary race,
of one of this deadly race,
Was surely not a fault so very grave:
Was definitely not a very serious mistake:
Her lover's life was what she sought to save.
Her lover's life was what she wanted to save.
A LIVING drum-boy, truly be it said,
A living drum boy, truly said,
Is better far, than any monarch dead.
Is much better than any dead monarch.
BELPHEGOR
Original
ADDRESSED TO MISS DE CHAMMELAY
YOUR name with ev'ry pleasure here I place,
YOUR name with every pleasure here I put,
The last effusions of my muse to grace.
The final outpourings of my inspiration to honor.
O charming Phillis! may the same extend
O charming Phillis! May the same continue
Through time's dark night: our praise together blend;
Through the dark night of time: let our praise come together;
To this we surely may pretend to aim
To this, we can definitely say we aspire.
Your acting and my rhymes attention claim.
Your performance and my lyrics demand attention.
Long, long in mem'ry's page your fame shall live;
Long, long in memory's pages, your fame will live on;
You, who such ecstacy so often give;
You, who often provide such ecstasy;
O'er minds, o'er hearts triumphantly you reign:
You triumphantly rule over minds and hearts:
In Berenice, in Phaedra, and Chimene,
In Berenice, in Phaedra, and Chimene,
Your tears and plaintive accents all engage:
Your tears and sad tones draw everyone in:
Beyond compare in proud Camilla's rage;
Beyond compare in proud Camilla's anger;
Your voice and manner auditors delight;
Your voice and demeanor please the auditors;
Who strong emotions can so well excite?
Who can stir such strong emotions?
No fine eulogium from my pen expect:
No great praise from me is to be expected:
With you each air and grace appear correct
With you, every breath and movement seem perfect.
My first of Phillis's you ought to be;
My first should be you, Phillis;
My sole affection had been placed on thee;
My only affection had been focused on you;
Long since, had I presumed the truth to tell;
Long ago, I thought I was telling the truth;
But he who loves would fain be loved as well.
But someone who loves wants to be loved in return.
NO hope of gaining such a charming fair,
NO hope of gaining such a charming girl,
Too soon, perhaps, I ceded to despair;
Too soon, maybe, I gave in to despair;
Your friend, was all I ventured to be thought,
Your friend was all I dared to be seen as.
Though in your net I more than half was caught.
Though I was more than halfway caught in your net.
Most willingly your lover I'd have been;
Most willingly I would have been your lover;
But time it is our story should be seen.
But it's time for our story to be told.
ONE, day, old Satan, sov'reign dread of hell;
ONE, day, old Satan, sovereign fear of hell;
Reviewed his subjects, as our hist'ries tell;
Reviewed his subjects, as our histories tell;
The diff'rent ranks, confounded as they stood,
The different ranks, confused as they stood,
Kings, nobles, females, and plebeian blood,
Kings, nobles, women, and peasants,
Such grief expressed, and made such horrid cries,
Such grief was expressed, and it made such horrible cries,
As almost stunned, and filled him with surprise.
As if almost in shock, and filled him with surprise.
The monarch, as he passed, desired to know
The king, as he walked by, wanted to know
The cause that sent each shade to realms below.
The reason that sent every shade to the underworld.
Some said—my HUSBAND; others WIFE replied;
Some said—my HUSBAND; others WIFE replied;
The same was echoed loud from ev'ry side.
The same was echoed loudly from every side.
His majesty on this was heard to say:
His majesty was heard to say:
If truth these shadows to my ears convey,
If these shadows speak the truth to me,
With ease our glory we may now augment:
With ease, we can now boost our glory:
I'm fully bent to try th' experiment.
I'm completely determined to give the experiment a shot.
With this design we must some demon send,
With this design, we must send some demon,
Who wily art with prudence well can blend;
Who skillfully combines cleverness with caution;
And, not content with watching Hymen's flock,
And, not satisfied with just watching Hymen's flock,
Must add his own experience to the stock.
Must add his own experience to the mix.
THE sable senate instantly approved
The black senate instantly approved
The proposition that the monarch moved;
The idea that the king moved;
Belphegor was to execute the work;
Belphegor was going to carry out the task;
The proper talent in him seemed to lurk:
The right talent in him seemed to be hidden:
All ears and eyes, a prying knave in grain
All ears and eyes, a nosy fool in disguise
In short, the very thing they wished to gain.
In short, the very thing they wanted to achieve.
THAT he might all expense and cost defray,
THAT he could cover all expenses and costs,
They gave him num'rous bills without delay,
They gave him several bills right away,
And credit too, in ev'ry place of note,
And credit too, in every notable place,
With various things that might their plan promote.
With various things that might support their plan.
He was, besides, the human lot to fill,
He was, besides, destined to fulfill the human role,
Of pleasure and of pain:—of good and ill;
Of pleasure and pain:—of good and bad;
In fact, whate'er for mortals was designed,
In fact, whatever was planned for humans,
With his legation was to be combined.
With his delegation was to be combined.
He might by industry and wily art,
He might through hard work and clever tricks,
His own afflictions dissipate in part;
His own struggles fade a bit;
But die he could not, nor his country see,
But he could not die, nor could his country see,
Till he ten years complete on earth should be.
Till he completes ten years on earth.
BEHOLD him trav'lling o'er th' extensive space;
BEHOLD him traveling over the vast expanse;
Between the realms of darkness and our race.
Between the realms of darkness and our people.
To pass it, scarcely he a moment took;
To pass it, he hardly took a moment;
On Florence instantly he cast a look;—
He quickly glanced at Florence;—
Delighted with the beauty of the spot,
Delighted with the beauty of the spot,
He there resolved to fix his earthly lot,
He decided to settle his situation on Earth,
Regarding it as proper for his wiles,
Regarding it as appropriate for his schemes,
A city famed for wanton freaks and guiles.
A city known for its wild antics and cunning tricks.
Belphegor soon a noble mansion hired,
Belphegor soon rented a grand mansion,
And furnished it with ev'ry thing desired;
And equipped it with everything desired;
As signor Roderick he designed to pass;
As Mr. Roderick planned to go by;
His equipage was large of ev'ry class;
His equipment was large of every kind;
Expense anticipating day by day,
Tracking expenses daily,
What, in ten years, he had to throw away.
What he had to let go of in ten years.
HIS noble entertainments raised surprise;
His noble entertainments surprised everyone;
Magnificence alone would not suffice;
Magnificence alone isn't enough;
Delightful pleasures he dispensed around,
Delightful pleasures he shared,
And flattery abundantly was found,
And there was plenty of flattery,
An art in which a demon should excel:
An art where a demon would truly shine:
No devil surely e'er was liked so well.
No devil was ever liked this much.
His heart was soon the object of the FAIR;
His heart quickly became the focus of the FAIR;
To please Belphegor was their constant care.
To keep Belphegor happy was their ongoing concern.
WHO lib'rally with presents smoothes the road,
WHO generously greets us with gifts and makes our journey easier,
Will meet no obstacles to LOVE'S abode.
Will face no barriers to LOVE’s home.
In ev'ry situation they are sweet,
In every situation, they are sweet,
I've often said, and now the same repeat:
I've often said this, and I'll say it again:
The primum mobile of human kind,
The driving force of humanity,
Are gold and silver, through the world we find.
Are gold and silver, all around the world we find.
OUR envoy kept two books, in which he wrote
OUR envoy kept two books, in which he wrote
The names of all the married pairs of note;
The names of all the married couples of note;
But that assigned to couples satisfied,
But that given to couples is satisfying,
He scarcely for it could a name provide,
He could hardly come up with a name for it,
Which made the demon almost blush to see,
Which made the demon almost blush to see,
How few, alas! in wedlock's chains agree;
How few, unfortunately! in the bonds of marriage really get along;
While presently the other, which contained
While right now the other, which contained
Th' unhappy—not a leaf in blank remained.
Th' unhappy—not a leaf in sight.
No other choice Belphegor now had got,
No other choice did Belphegor have now,
Than—try himself the hymeneal knot.
Than—try the marriage bond himself.
In Florence he beheld a certain fair,
In Florence, he saw a beautiful woman,
With charming face and smart engaging air;
With a charming face and a smart, engaging presence;
Of noble birth, but puffed with empty pride;
Of noble birth, but filled with vain arrogance;
Some marks of virtue, though not much beside.
Some signs of virtue, but not much else.
For Roderick was asked this lofty dame;
For Roderick was asked by this highborn lady;
The father said Honesta* (such her name)
The father said, "Honesta" (that's her name).
Had many eligible offers found;
Received many eligible offers.
But, 'mong the num'rous band that hovered round,
But, among the numerous group that gathered around,
Perhaps his daughter, Rod'rick's suit might take,
Perhaps his daughter might take Rod'rick's suit,
Though he should wish for time the choice to make.
Though he should wish for time to make a choice.
This approbation met, and Rod'rick 'gan
This approval was given, and Rod'rick started
To use his arts and execute his plan.
To use his skills and carry out his plan.
THE entertainments, balls, and serenades,
The shows, parties, and serenades,
Plays, concerts, presents, feasts, and masquerades,
Plays, concerts, shows, parties, and costume balls,
Much lessened what the demon with him brought;
Much reduced what the demon brought with him;
He nothing grudged:—whate'er was wished he bought.
He had no complaints: whatever was wanted, he bought.
The dame believed high honour she bestowed,
The lady believed she was granting great honor,
When she attention to his offer showed;
When she showed interest in his offer;
And, after prayers, entreaties, and the rest,
And after prayers, requests, and everything else,
To be his wife she full assent expressed.
To become his wife, she fully agreed.
BUT first a pettifogger to him came,
BUT first a shady lawyer came to him,
Of whom (aside) Belphegor made a game;
Of whom Belphegor made a joke;
What! said the demon, is a lady gained
What! said the demon, is a lady won
just like a house?—these scoundrels have obtained
just like a house?—these scoundrels have obtained
Such pow'r and sway, without them nothing's done;
Such power and influence, without them nothing gets done;
But hell will get them when their course is run.
But they'll face hell when their time is up.
He reasoned properly; when faith's no more,
He thought it through correctly; when faith is gone,
True honesty is forced to leave the door;
True honesty has to leave the door;
When men with confidence no longer view
When confident men stop searching
Their fellow-mortals,—happiness adieu!
Their fellow humans, goodbye happiness!
The very means we use t' escape the snare,
The very means we use to escape the trap,
Oft deeper plunge us in the gulph of care;
Oftentimes, we dive deeper into the abyss of worry;
Avoid attorneys, if you comfort crave
Avoid lawyers if you seek comfort.
Who knows a PETTIFOGGER, knows a KNAVE;
Whoever knows a petty crook knows a scoundrel;
Their contracts, filled with IFS and FORS, appear
Their contracts, packed with IFs and FORs, seem
The gate through which STRIFE found admittance here.
The gate through which STRIFE gained entry here.
In vain we hope again the earth 'twill leave
In vain, we hope that it will leave the earth again.
Still STRIFE remains, and we ourselves deceive:
Still, STRIFE remains, and we deceive ourselves:
In spite of solemn forms and laws we see,
In spite of serious rules and regulations we observe,
That LOVE and HYMEN often disagree.
That love and commitment often don’t see eye to eye.
The heart alone can tranquilize the mind;
The heart alone can calm the mind;
In mutual passion ev'ry bliss we find.
In our shared passion, we discover every joy.
HOW diff'rent things in other states appear!
HOW different things in other states look!
With friends—'tis who can be the most sincere;
With friends—it's who can be the most genuine;
With lovers—all is sweetness, balm of life;
With lovers, everything is sweet, the joy of life;
While all is IRKSOMENESS with man and wife.
While everything is ANNOYING between husband and wife.
We daily see from DUTY springs disgust,
We see daily that DISGUST comes from DUTY,
And PLEASURE likes true LIBERTY to trust.
And PLEASURE, like true LIBERTY, thrives on trust.
ARE happy marriages for ever flown?
Are happy marriages gone for good?
On full consideration I will own,
On full consideration, I will admit,
That when each other's follies couples bear;
That couples accept each other's mistakes;
They then deserve the name of HAPPY PAIR.
They then deserve to be called a HAPPY PAIR.
ENOUGH of this:—no sooner had our wight
ENOUGH of this:—no sooner had our guy
The belle possessed, and passed the month's delight;
The beauty had, and shared the joy of the month;
But he perceived what marriage must be here,
But he understood what marriage must be like here,
With such a demon in our nether sphere.
With such a demon in our lower realm.
For ever jars and discords rang around;
For eternity, jars and conflicts echoed all around;
Of follies, ev'ry class our couple found;
Of foolishness, every kind our couple discovered;
Honesta often times such noise would make,
Honesta often makes so much noise,
Her screams and cries the neighbours kept awake,
Her screams and cries kept the neighbors awake,
Who, running thither, by the wife were told:—
Who, running over there, was told by the wife:—
Some paltry tradesman's daughter, coarse and bold,
Some insignificant tradesman's daughter, rough and daring,
He should have had:—not one of rank like me;
He should have had:—not one of rank like me;
To treat me thus, what villain he must be!
To treat me like this, what a jerk he must be!
A wife so virtuous, could he e'er deserve!
A wife so virtuous, could he ever deserve!
My scruples are too great, or I should swerve;
My doubts are too strong, or I would stray;
Indeed, without dispute, 'twould serve him right:—
Indeed, undoubtedly, it would be well-deserved for him:—
We are not sure she nothing did in spite;
We aren't sure she didn't do anything on purpose;
These prudes can make us credit what they please:
These prudes can make us believe whatever they want:
Few ponder long when they can dupe with ease.
Few think deeply when they can cheat easily.
THIS wife and husband, as our hist'ries say,
THIS wife and husband, as our histories say,
Each moment squabbled through the passing day;
Each moment fought for attention throughout the day;
Their disagreements often would arise
They often had disagreements.
About a petticoat, cards, tables, pies,
About a petticoat, cards, tables, pies,
Gowns, chairs, dice, summer-houses, in a word,
Gowns, chairs, dice, summer houses, in short,
Things most ridiculous and quite absurd.
Things are really ridiculous and completely absurd.
WELL might this spouse regret his Hell profound,
WELL might this partner regret his deep Hell,
When he considered what he'd met on ground.
When he thought about what he'd encountered on the ground.
To make our demon's wretchedness complete,
To make our demon's misery total,
Honesta's relatives, from ev'ry street,
Honesta's relatives, from every street,
He seemed to marry, since he daily fed
He appeared to marry, since he fed each day
The father, mother, sister (fit to wed,)
The father, mother, sister (ready to marry,)
And little brother, whom he sent to school;
And he sent his little brother to school;
While MISS he portioned to a wealthy fool.
While MISS she was given to a wealthy fool.
His utter ruin, howsoe'er, arose
His total ruin, however, arose
From his attorney-steward that he chose.
From the attorney he selected.
What's that? you ask—a wily sneaking knave,
What's that? you ask—a sly, sneaky rascal,
Who, while his master spends, contrives to save;
Who, while his boss spends, figures out how to save;
Till, in the end, grown rich, the lands he buys,
Till, in the end, has become wealthy; the lands he buys,
Which his good lord is forced to sacrifice.
Which his good lord is forced to sacrifice.
IF, in the course of time, the master take
IF, over time, the master takes
The place of steward, and his fortune make,
The role of the steward and his luck make,
'Twould only to their proper rank restore,
'It would only restore them to their proper rank,
Those who become just what they were before.
Those who turn back into who they were before.
POOR Rod'rick now no other hope had got,
POOR Rod'rick now had no other hope.
Than what the chance of traffick might allot;
Than what the odds of traffic might allow;
Illusion vain, or doubtful at the best:—
Illusions are either empty or at best, uncertain:—
Though some grow rich, yet all are not so blessed.
Though some become wealthy, not everyone is that lucky.
'Twas said our husband never would succeed;
'Twas said our husband would never succeed;
And truly, such it seemed to be decreed.
And truly, it seemed like that was the way it was meant to be.
His agents (similar to those we see
His agents (similar to those we see
In modern days) were with his treasure free;
In modern times, he was free with his treasure;
His ships were wrecked; his commerce came to naught;
His ships were destroyed; his business collapsed;
Deceived by knaves, of whom he well had thought;
Deceived by tricksters, whom he thought he knew well;
Obliged to borrow money, which to pay,
Obliged to borrow money, which to pay,
He was unable at th' appointed day,
He was unable on the scheduled day,
He fled, and with a farmer shelter took,
He ran away and found shelter with a farmer,
Where he might hope the bailiffs would not look.
Where he could hope the bailiffs wouldn't search.
HE told to Matthew, (such the farmer's name,)
HE told Matthew, (that’s the farmer's name,)
His situation, character, and fame:
His circumstances, personality, and reputation:
By duns assailed, and harassed by a wife,
By being attacked by duns and bothered by a wife,
Who proved the very torment of his life,
Who demonstrated the greatest pain of his life,
He knew no place of safety to obtain,
He didn't know of any safe place to go,
Like ent'ring other bodies, where 'twas plain,
Like entering other bodies, where it was clear,
He might escape the catchpole's prowling eye,
He might evade the catchpole's watchful gaze,
Honesta's wrath, and all her rage defy.
Honesta's anger and all her rage challenge.
From these he promised he would thrice retire;
From these, he promised he would step back three times;
Whenever Matthew should the same desire:
Whenever Matthew had the same desire:
Thrice, but no more, t'oblige this worthy man,
Thrice, but no more, to please this worthy man,
Who shelter gave when from the fiends he ran.
Who provided shelter when he ran from the demons.
THE AMBASSADOR commenced his form to change:—
THE AMBASSADOR started to change his approach:—
From human frame to frame he 'gan to range;
From one person to another, he began to move;
But what became his own fantastick state,
But what became his own fantastic state,
Our books are silent, nor the facts relate.
Our books are quiet, and the facts don’t connect.
AN only daughter was the first he seized,
AN only daughter was the first he took.
Whose charms corporeal much our demon pleased;
Whose physical allure greatly pleased our demon;
But Matthew, for a handsome sum of gold,
But Matthew, for a good amount of money,
Obliged him, at a word, to quit his hold.
Obliged him, at a word, to let go.
This passed at Naples—next to Rome he came,
This happened in Naples—then he went to Rome,
Where, with another fair, he did the same;
Where, at another fair, he did the same;
But still the farmer banished him again,
But still, the farmer kicked him out again,
So well he could the devil's will restrain;
So well he could control the devil's will;
Another weighty purse to him was paid
Another heavy bag of money was given to him.
Thrice Matthew drove him out from belle and maid.
Thrice Matthew pushed him away from the beautiful woman and the maid.
THE king of Naples had a daughter fair,
THE king of Naples had a beautiful daughter,
Admired, adored:—her parents' darling care;
Loved and cherished: her parents' favorite.
In wedlock oft by many princes sought;
In marriage, often sought by many princes;
Within her form, the wily demon thought
Within her body, the clever demon thought
He might be sheltered from Honesta's rage;
He might be protected from Honesta's anger;
And none to drive him thence would dare engage.
And no one would dare to push him away.
NAUGHT else was talked of, in or out of town,
NAUGHT else was talked of, in or out of town,
But devils driven by the cunning clown;
But demons pushed by the clever trickster;
Large sums were offered, if, by any art,
Large sums were offered if, by any means,
He'd make the demon from the fair depart.
He’d send the demon from the fair away.
AFFLICTED much was Matthew, now to lose
AFFLICTED a lot was Matthew, now to lose
The gold thus tendered, but he could not choose,
The gold was offered, but he couldn't choose,
For since Belphegor had obliged him thrice,
For since Belphegor had obliged him three times,
He durst not hope the demon to entice;
He didn’t dare hope that the demon would tempt him;
Poor man was he, a sinner, who, by chance,
Poor man was he, a sinner, who, by chance,
(He knew not how, it surely was romance,)
(He didn't know how, it definitely was romance,)
Had some few devils, truly, driven out:
Had a few demons, really, driven out:
Most worthy of contempt without a doubt.
Absolutely deserving of contempt.
But all in vain:—the man they took by force;
But it was all in vain:—they took the man by force;
Proceed he must, or hanged he'd be of course.
Proceed he must, or he'd be hanged, of course.
THE demon was before our farmer placed;
THE demon was in front of our farmer.
The sight was by the prince in person graced;
The prince himself graced the scene;
The wond'rous contest numbers ran to see,
The amazing contest numbers were displayed to see,
And all the world spectators fain would be.
And everyone in the world wishes to be a spectator.
IF vanquished by the devil:—he must swing;
IF defeated by the devil:—he must hang;
If vanquisher:—'twould thousands to him bring:
If he conquers:—it would bring him thousands:
The gallows was, no doubt, a horrid view;
The gallows was definitely a terrible sight;
Yet, at the purse, his glances often flew;
Yet, at the wallet, his eyes often darted;
The evil spirit laughed within his sleeve,
The evil spirit laughed quietly to himself,
To see the farmer tremble, fret, and grieve.
To watch the farmer shake, worry, and feel sad.
He pleaded that the wight he'd thrice obeyed;
He claimed that the being he had obeyed three times;
The demon was by Matthew often prayed;
The demon was often prayed to by Matthew;
But all in vain,—the more he terror showed,
But it was all for nothing—the more he showed his fear,
The more Belphegor ridicule bestowed.
The more ridicule Belphegor received.
AT length the clown was driven to declare,
AT last, the clown was forced to admit,
The fiend he was unable to ensnare;
The monster he couldn't catch;
Away they Matthew to the gallows led;
Away they led Matthew to the gallows;
But as he went, it entered in his head,
But as he walked, it occurred to him,
And, in a sort of whisper he averred
And, in a quiet voice, he said
(As was in fact the case) a drum he heard.
(As was in fact the case) he heard a drum.
THE demon, with surprise, to Matthew cried;
THE demon, surprised, exclaimed to Matthew;
What noise is that? Honesta, he replied,
What noise is that? Honesta, he replied,
Who you demands, and every where pursues,
Who you want, and everywhere seeks,
The spouse who treats her with such vile abuse.
The partner who treats her with such cruel mistreatment.
THESE words were thunder to Belphegor's ears,
THESE words were like thunder to Belphegor's ears,
Who instantly took flight, so great his fears;
Who immediately ran away, so intense was his fear;
To hell's abyss he fled without delay,
To the depths of hell, he ran without hesitation,
To tell adventures through the realms of day.
To share stories of adventures in the world of the day.
Sire, said the demon, it is clearly true,
Sire, said the demon, it is indeed true,
Damnation does the marriage knot pursue.
Damnation does the marriage bond chase.
Your highness often hither sees arrive,
Your highness often sees arrive here,
Not squads, but regiments, who, when alive,
Not squads, but regiments, who, when alive,
By Hymen were indissolubly tied:—
By Hymen were firmly tied:—
In person I the fact have fully tried.
In person, I have fully tried the fact.
Th' institution, perhaps, most just could be:
The institution, perhaps, could be the most just:
Past ages far more happiness might see;
Past ages could see much more happiness;
But ev'ry thing, with time, corruption shows;
But everything, over time, shows decay;
No jewel in your crown more lustre throws.
No jewel in your crown shines brighter.
BELPHEGOR'S tale by Satan was believed;
BELPHEGOR'S tale by Satan was taken seriously;
Reward he got: the term, which-sorely grieved,
Reward he received: the term, which deeply troubled,
Was now reduced; indeed, what had he done,
Was now reduced; indeed, what had he done,
That should prevent it?—If away he'd run,
That should stop it?—If he had run away,
Who would not do the same who weds a shrew?
Who wouldn't do the same when marrying a difficult person?
Sure worse below the devil never knew!
Sure, it’s worse than what the devil ever knew!
A brawling woman's tongue, what saint can bear?
A fighting woman's tongue, which saint can handle it?
E'en Job, Honesta would have taught despair.
Even Job, Honesta would have taught despair.
WHAT is the inference? you ask:—I'll tell;—
WHAT is the inference? you ask:—I'll tell;—
Live single, if you know you are well;
Live single if you know you're doing well;
But if old Hymen o'er your senses reign,
But if old Hymen rules over your senses,
Beware Honestas, or you'll rue the chain.
Beware of Honestas, or you'll regret the consequence.
* By this character La Fontaine is supposed to
* By this character La Fontaine is supposed to
have meant his own wife.
have referred to his own wife.
THE LITTLE BELL
Original
HOW weak is man! how changeable his mind!
HOW weak is man! how changeable his mind!
His promises are naught, too oft we find;
His promises mean nothing, we often discover;
I vowed (I hope in tolerable verse,)
I promised (I hope in decent verse,)
Again no idle story to rehearse.
Again, not a pointless tale to tell.
And whence this promise?—Not two days ago;
And where did this promise come from?—Just two days ago;
I'm quite confounded; better I should know:
I'm really confused; I should know better:
A rhymer hear then, who himself can boast,
A rhymer hears then, who can proudly claim,
Quite steady for—a minute at the most.
Quite steady for—about a minute at most.
The pow'rs above could PRUDENCE ne'er design;
The powers above could never design with prudence;
For those who fondly court the SISTERS NINE.
For those who lovingly pursue the SISTERS NINE.
Some means to please they've got, you will confess;
Some ways to please, they definitely have, you'll agree;
But none with certainty the charm possess.
But none possess the charm with certainty.
If, howsoever, I were doomed to find
If, however, I were destined to find
Such lines as fully would content the mind:
Such lines would completely satisfy the mind:
Though I should fail in matter, still in art;
Though I might fail in substance, I will still succeed in artistry;
I might contrive some pleasure to impart.
I might come up with some enjoyment to share.
LET'S see what we are able to obtain:—
LET'S see what we can get:—
A bachelor resided in Touraine.
A single man lived in Touraine.
A sprightly youth, who oft the maids beset,
A lively young man, who often approached the girls,
And liked to prattle to the girls he met,
And enjoyed chatting with the girls he met,
With sparkling eyes, white teeth, and easy air,
With sparkling eyes, white teeth, and a relaxed vibe,
Plain russet petticoat and flowing hair,
Plain russet petticoat and flowing hair,
Beside a rivulet, while Io round,
Beside a small stream, while Io circles,
With little bell that gave a tinkling sound,
With a small bell that made a ringing sound,
On herbs her palate gratified at will,
On herbs, her taste was pleased whenever she wanted,
And gazed and played, and fondly took her fill.
And looked and played, enjoying every moment.
AMONG the rustic nymphs our spark perceived
AMONG the rural nymphs, our spark noticed
A charming girl, for whom his bosom heaved;
A charming girl, for whom his heart raced;
Too young, however, to feel the poignant smart,
Too young, however, to feel the sharp pain,
By Cupid oft inflicted on the heart.
By Cupid often inflicted on the heart.
I will not say thirteen's an age unfit
I won't say that thirteen is an age that's not suitable
The contrary most fully I admit;
I totally recognize the opposite;
The LAW supposes (such its prudent fears)
The LAW assumes (because of its cautious fears)
Maturity at still more early years;
Maturity at younger ages;
But this apparently refers to towns,
But this seems to refer to towns,
While LOVE was born for groves, and lawns, and downs.
While LOVE was created for forests, and fields, and hills.
Original
THE youth exerted ev'ry art to please;
THE youth made every effort to please;
But all in vain: he only seemed to teaze:
But all in vain: he only seemed to tease:
Whate'er he said, however nicely graced,
Whate'er he said, however nicely graced,
Ill-humour, inexperience, or distaste,
Bad mood, inexperience, or dislike,
Induced the belle, unlearned in Cupid's book;
Induced the beauty, inexperienced in love.
To treat his passion with a froward look.
To handle his passion with a stubborn expression.
BELIEVING ev'ry artifice in love
Believing every trick in love
Was tolerated by the pow'rs above,
Was allowed by the powers that be,
One eve he turned a heifer from the rest;
One evening, he separated a heifer from the rest;
Conducted by the girl his thoughts possessed;
Conducted by the girl who occupied his thoughts;
The others left, not counted by the fair,
The others left, not included in the count,
(Youth seldom shows the necessary care,)
(Youth seldom shows the necessary care,)
With easy, loit'ring steps the cottage sought,
With casual, relaxed steps, the cottage was sought,
Where ev'ry night they usually were brought.
Where every night they usually were brought.
HER mother, more experienced than the maid,
HER mother, more experienced than the maid,
Observed, that from the cattle one had strayed;
Observed that one of the cattle had wandered off;
The girl was scolded much, and sent to find
The girl was often scolded and sent to find
The heifer indiscreetly left behind.
The heifer left without restraint.
Fair Isabella gave a vent to tears;
Isabella cried.
Invoked sweet echo to disperse her fears:
Invoked a sweet echo to chase away her fears:
Solicited with fervent, piercing cry,
Called out with intense urgency,
To tell her where lorn Io she might spy,
To point out where lost Io could be seen,
Whose little bell the spark deprived of sound;
Whose little bell the spark silenced;
When he withdrew her from the herd around.
When he took her away from the group nearby.
Original
THE lover now the tinkling metal shook;
THE lover now shook the tinkling metal;
The path that t'wards it led the charmer took.
The path that led to it was taken by the charmer.
The well known note was pleasing to her ear;
The familiar note sounded pleasant to her ears;
Without suspecting treachery was near,
Without suspecting betrayal was near,
She followed to a wood, both deep and large,
She followed to a forest, both dense and vast,
In hopes at least she might regain her charge.
In hopes that she might at least get her responsibility back.
GUESS her surprise, good reader, when she heard,
GUESS her surprise, good reader, when she heard,
A lover's voice, who would not be deterred.
A lover's voice, who wouldn't be stopped.
Said he, fair maid whene'er the heart's on fire,
Said he, fair maid whenever the heart's on fire,
'Tis all permitted that can quench desire.
It's all allowed that can satisfy desire.
On this, with piercing cries she rent the air;
On this, with sharp cries she shattered the silence;
But no one came:—she sunk to dire despair.
But no one showed up—she fell into deep despair.
YE beauteous dames avoid the Sylvan shade;
Ye beautiful ladies avoid the forest's shade;
Dread dangers solitary woods pervade.
Dreadful dangers fill the lonely woods.
THE GLUTTON
Original
A STURGEON, once, a glutton famed was led
A sturgeon, once, was known for being a greedy eater.
To have for supper—all, except the head.
To have for dinner—all, except the head.
With wond'rous glee he feasted on the fish;
With amazing joy, he enjoyed the fish;
And quickly swallowed down the royal dish.
And quickly gulped down the royal meal.
O'ercharged, howe'er, his stomach soon gave way;
O'ercharged, however, his stomach soon gave out;
And doctors were required without delay.
And doctors were needed right away.
Original
THE danger imminent, his friends desired
THE danger imminent, his friends desired
He'd settle ev'ry thing affairs required.
He'd sort out everything that needed attention.
Said he, in that respect I'm quite prepared;
He said, in that regard I'm totally ready;
And, since my time so little is declared,
And, since my time is so briefly mentioned,
With diligence, I earnestly request,
I sincerely ask,
The sturgeon's head you'll get me nicely dressed.
The sturgeon's head you’ll get me nicely dressed.
THE TWO FRIENDS
AXIOCHUS, a handsome youth of old,
AXIOCHUS, a good-looking young man from long ago,
And Alcibiades, (both gay and bold,)
And Alcibiades, (both confident and daring,)
So well agreed, they kept a beauteous belle,
So in agreement, they kept a beautiful girl,
With whom by turns they equally would dwell.
With whom they would take turns living.
IT happened, one of them so nicely played,
IT happened, one of them played so well,
The fav'rite lass produced a little maid,
The favorite girl had a baby girl,
Which both extolled, and each his own believed,
Which both praised, and each believed his own way,
Though doubtless one or t'other was deceived.
Though no doubt one or the other was misled.
Original
BUT when to riper years the bantling grew,
BUT when the child grew older,
And sought her mother's foot-steps to pursue,
And followed in her mother's footsteps to pursue,
Each friend desired to be her chosen swain,
Each friend wanted to be her chosen partner,
And neither would a parent's name retain.
And a parent's name wouldn’t stick around either.
SAID one, why brother, she's your very shade;
SAID one, “Hey brother, she’s just like you.”
The features are the same-:-your looks pervade.
The features are the same: your looks stand out.
Oh no, the other cried, it cannot be
Oh no, the other said, it can't be.
Her chin, mouth, nose, and eyes, with your's agree;
Her chin, mouth, nose, and eyes match yours;
But that as 'twill, let me her favours win,
But however that may be, let me win her favors,
And for the pleasure I will risk the sin.
And for the enjoyment, I'm willing to take the risk.
THE COUNTRY JUSTICE
Original
TWO lawyers to their cause so well adhered,
TWO lawyers stuck to their case so well,
A country justice quite confused appeared,
A country judge looked quite confused,
By them the facts were rendered so obscure
By them, the facts were made so unclear.
With which the truth remained he was not sure.
With what the truth stayed, he wasn't sure.
At length, completely tired, two straws he sought
At last, completely exhausted, he looked for two straws.
Of diff'rent lengths, and to the parties brought.
Of different lengths, and to the parties involved.
These in his hand he held:—the plaintiff drew
These he held in his hand:—the plaintiff drew
(So fate decreed) the shortest of the two.
(So fate decreed) the shorter of the two.
On this the other homeward took his way,
On this, he took his way homeward,
To boast how nicely he had gained the day.
To brag about how well he had won the day.
THE bench complained: the magistrate replied
THE bench complained: the magistrate replied
Don't blame I pray—'tis nothing new I've tried;
Don't blame me, I beg—it's nothing new I've tried;
Courts often judge at hazard in the law,
Courts often make unpredictable decisions in the law,
Without deciding by the longest straw.
Without choosing by the longest straw.
ALICE SICK
Original
SICK, Alice grown, and fearing dire event,
SICK, Alice grown, and fearing a bad outcome,
Some friend advised a servant should be sent
Some friend suggested that a servant should be sent.
Her confessor to bring and ease her mind;—
Her confessor to help and soothe her thoughts;—
Yes, she replied, to see him I'm inclined;
Yes, she replied, I’m eager to see him;
Let father Andrew instantly be sought:—
Let’s find Father Andrew right away:—
By him salvation usually I'm taught.
By him, I’m usually taught about salvation.
Original
Original
A MESSENGER was told, without delay,
A MESSENGER was instructed right away,
To take, with rapid steps, the convent way;
To quickly follow the path to the convent;
He rang the bell—a monk enquired his name,
He rang the bell—a monk asked for his name,
And asked for what, or whom, the fellow came.
And asked what or who the guy came for.
I father Andrew want, the wight replied,
I, Father Andrew, want, the white replied,
Who's oft to Alice confessor and guide:
Who's often Alice's confessor and guide:
With Andrew, cried the other, would you speak?
Would you talk with Andrew?
If that's the case, he's far enough to seek;
If that's true, he's far enough to look for;
Poor man! he's left us for the regions blessed,
Poor man! He's left us for the blessed lands,
And has in Paradise ten years confessed.
And has been confessing in Paradise for ten years.
THE KISS RETURNED
Original
AS WILLIAM walking with his wife was seen,
AS WILLIAM walking with his wife was seen,
A man of rank admired her lovely mien.
A man of rank admired her beautiful appearance.
Who gave you such a charming fair? he cried,
Who gave you such a lovely fair? he exclaimed,
May I presume to kiss your beauteous bride?
May I dare to kiss your beautiful bride?
With all my heart, replied the humble swain,
With all my heart, replied the humble farmer,
You're welcome, sir:—I beg you'll not refrain;
You're welcome, sir; please don't hold back.
She's at your service: take the boon, I pray;
She's here to help you: please accept this gift;
You'll not such offers meet with ev'ry day.
You won't come across offers like this every day.
THE gentleman proceeded as desired;
The man proceeded as requested;
To get a kiss, alone he had aspired;
To get a kiss, he had aimed for solitude;
So fervently howe'er he pressed her lip,
So passionately however he kissed her lip,
That Petronella blushed at ev'ry sip.
That Petronella blushed with every sip.
Original
SEVEN days had scarcely run, when to his arms,
SEVEN days had barely passed when he was in her arms,
The other took a wife with seraph charms;
The other married a woman with angelic beauty;
And William was allowed to have a kiss,
And William was allowed to have a kiss,
That filled his soul with soft ecstatick bliss.
That filled his soul with a gentle, ecstatic joy.
Cried he, I wish, (and truly I am grieved)
Cried he, "I wish, and honestly, I feel sorry."
That when the gentleman a kiss received,
That when the guy got a kiss,
From her I love, he'd gone to greater height,
From the one I love, he had reached greater heights,
And with my Petronella passed the night.
And I spent the night with my Petronella.
SISTER JANE
Original
WHEN Sister Jane, who had produced a child,
WHEN Sister Jane, who had given birth to a child,
In prayer and penance all her hours beguiled
In prayer and atonement, she spent all her hours.
Her sister-nuns around the lattice pressed;
Her fellow nuns pressed around the lattice;
On which the abbess thus her flock addressed:
On which the abbess spoke to her group:
Live like our sister Jane, and bid adieu
Live like our sister Jane, and say goodbye.
To worldly cares:—have better things in view.
To worldly cares:—focus on more important things.
YES, they replied, we sage like her shall be,
YES, they replied, we will be wise like her,
When we with love have equally been free.
When we have loved each other freely.
AN IMITATION OF ANACREON
PAINTER in Paphos and Cythera famed
PAINTER in Paphos and Cythera famed
Depict, I pray, the absent Iris' face.
Depict, please, the face of the absent Iris.
Thou hast not seen the lovely nymph I've named;
You haven't seen the beautiful nymph I've mentioned;
The better for thy peace.—Then will I trace
The better for your peace.—Then I will trace
For thy instruction her transcendent grace.
For your guidance, her exceptional grace.
Begin with lily white and blushing rose,
Begin with pure white and a blooming rose,
Take then the Loves and Graces... But what good
Take then the Loves and Graces... But what good
Words, idle words? for Beauty's Goddess could
Words, meaningless words? For the Goddess of Beauty could
By Iris be replaced, nor one suppose
By Iris replaced, nor one think
The secret fraud—their grace so equal shows.
The hidden deception—each of their charms is equally evident.
Thou at Cythera couldst, at Paphos too,
Thou at Cythera couldst, at Paphos too,
Of the same Iris Venus form anew.
Of the same Iris Venus shape again.
ANOTHER IMITATION OF ANACREON
Original
PRONE, on my couch I calmly slept
PRONE, I slept peacefully on my couch.
Against my wont. A little child
Against my usual habits. A small child
Awoke me as he gently crept
Awoke me as he quietly approached
And beat my door. A tempest wild
And bang on my door. A wild storm
Was raging-dark and cold the night.
Was dark and cold the night.
“Have pity on my naked plight,”
“Feel sorry for my bare situation,”
He begged, “and ope thy door.”—“Thy name?”
He pleaded, “and open your door.” —“Your name?”
I asked admitting him.—“The same
I asked admitting him.—“The same"
“Anon I'll tell, but first must dry
“Soon I'll tell, but first I need to dry
“My weary limbs, then let me try
"My tired limbs, now let me try"
“My mois'ened bow.”—Despite my fear
“My damp bow.”—Despite my fear
The hearth I lit, then drew me near
The fire I lit, then pulled me in closer.
My guest, and chafed his fingers cold.
My guest, and rubbed his cold fingers.
“Why fear?” I thought. “Let me be bold
“Why be afraid?” I thought. “Let me be brave.
“No Polyphemus he; what harm
“No Polyphemus here; what harm
“In such a child?—Then I'll be calm!”
“In such a child?—Then I’ll be calm!”
The playful boy drew out a dart,
The playful boy pulled out a dart,
Shook his fair locks, and to my heart
Shook his beautiful hair, and to my heart
His shaft he launch'd.—“Love is my name,”
His arrow he shot. —“Love is my name,”
He thankless cried, “I hither came
He cried gratefully, “I came here
“To tame thee. In thine ardent pain
“To tame you. In your intense pain
“Of Cupid think and young Climene.”—
“Think of Cupid and young Climene.”
“Ah! now I know thee, little scamp,
“Ah! now I recognize you, little rascal,
“Ungrateful, cruel boy! Decamp!”
"Ungrateful, cruel kid! Leave!"
Cupid a saucy caper cut,
Cupid made a cheeky move,
Skipped through the door, and as it shut,
Skipped through the door, and as it closed,
“My bow,” he taunting cried, “is sound,
“My bow,” he mocked, “is in great shape,
“Thy heart, poor comrade, feels the wound.”
“Your heart, poor friend, feels the pain.”
THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE
TO HIS SECOND BOOK OF THESE TALES
These are the last works of this style that will come from the pen of the
Author, and consequently this is the last opportunity he has of
vindicating the boldness and privilege which he has assumed. We make no
mention of villainous rhymes, of lines that run into the next, of two
vowels without elision, nor, in general, of such kinds of carelessness as
he would not allow himself in another style of poetry, but which are part
and parcel, so to say, of this style. Too anxious a care in avoiding such
would force a tale-writer into a labyrinth of shifts, into narratives as
dull as they are grand, into straits that are utterly useless, and would
make him disregard the pleasure of the heart in order to labour for the
gratification of the ear. We must leave studied narrative for lofty
subjects, and not compose an epic poem of the Adventures of Renaud d'Ast.
Suppose the Author, who has put these tales into rhyme, had brought to
bear on them all the care and preciseness required of him; not only would
this care be observed, especially as it is unnecessary, but it would also
transgress the precept lain down by Ouintilian, still the Author would not
have attained the main object, which is to interest the reader, to charm
him, to rivet his attention in spite of himself,—in a word, to
please him. As everybody knows, the secret of pleasing the reader is not
always based on regulation, nor even on symmetry; there is need of
smartness and tastefulness, if we would strike home. How many of those
perfect types of beauty do we see which never strike home, and of which
nobody feels enamoured! We do not wish to rob Modern Authors of the praise
that is due to them. Nicely turned lines, fine language, accuracy,
elegance of rhyme are accomplishments in a poet. However that may be, let
us consider of our own epigrams wherein all these qualities are combined,
perhaps we shall find in them far less point, nay, I would venture to add,
far less charm than in those of Marot or Saint-Gelais, although almost all
the works of the latter poets are full of the same faults as are
attributed to us. We will be told that these were not faults in their day,
whereas they are very great faults in ours. To this we answer by a similar
kind of argument, by saying, as we have already said, that these would
undoubtedly be faults in another style of poetry, but not in this. The
late M. de Voiture is a proof in point. We need only read the works in
which he brings to life again the character of Marot. For our Author does
not lay claim to praise for himself, nor to rounds of applause from the
public for having put a few tales into rhyme. Without doubt he has entered
on quite a new path, and has pursued it to the utmost of his power,
choosing now one road, now another, and always treading with surer step
when he has followed the manner of our old poets “quorum in hae re imitari
negligentiam exoptat potius quam istorum diligentiam.”
These are the last works in this style that will come from the Author, so this is his final chance to defend the boldness and privilege he has taken on. We won't mention bad rhymes, lines that spill into the next, or two vowels next to each other without elision, nor, in general, the kinds of carelessness he wouldn’t allow in another style of poetry but which are characteristic of this one. Being overly cautious to avoid such things would trap a storyteller in unnecessary twists, result in narratives that are as dull as they are grand, and force him to sacrifice heartfelt pleasure for the sake of pleasing the ear. We should reserve crafted narratives for serious subjects and not write an epic poem about the Adventures of Renaud d'Ast. Imagine if the Author, who has turned these tales into rhyme, had applied all the care and precision he could have; while this care might be evident, especially since it's not needed, it would also go against the principle set by Quintilian. Still, the Author wouldn't achieve the primary goal, which is to engage the reader, to enchant him, to capture his attention regardless of himself—in short, to please him. As everyone knows, the key to pleasing the reader isn't always about rules or symmetry; it also requires wit and taste to hit the mark. How many perfect examples of beauty do we see that don’t resonate and for which no one feels attraction! We don’t want to take away from Modern Authors the credit they deserve. Well-crafted lines, elegant language, accuracy, and beautiful rhyme are indeed assets for a poet. Nevertheless, if we consider our own epigrams where all these traits are combined, we might find them much less impactful, and I would even say, much less charming than those of Marot or Saint-Gelais, even though nearly all the works of those poets are full of the same flaws we’re accused of. People might say that those were not faults in their time, while they are significant faults in ours. Our reply is the same argument, that these would surely be faults in a different poetic style, but not in this one. The late M. de Voiture serves as a perfect example. We just need to read the works in which he revives the character of Marot. For our Author does not seek praise or applause from the public just for putting a few tales into rhyme. He has certainly embarked on a totally new path and has pursued it to the best of his ability, choosing one direction then another, always moving more confidently when he emulates the style of our older poets “quorum in hae re imitari negligentiam exoptat potius quam istorum diligentiam.”
But while saying that we wished to waive this question, we have
unconsciously involved ourselves in its discussion. Perhaps this has not
been without advantage; for there is nothing that resembles faults more
than these licenses. Let us now consider the liberty which the Author has
assumed in cutting into the property of others as well as his own, without
making exception even to the best known stories, none of which he scruples
to tamper with. He curtails, enlarges, and alters incidents and details,
at times the main issue and the sequel; in short, the story is no longer
the same; it is, in point of fact, quite a new tale; its original author
would find it no small difficulty to recognise in it his own work. “Non
sic decet contaminari fabulas,” Critics will say. Why should they not?
They twitted Terence in just the same way; but Terence sneered at them,
and claimed a right to treat the matter as he did. He has mingled his own
ideas with the subjects he drew from Menander, just as Sophocles and
Euripides mingled theirs with the subjects they drew from former writers,
sparing neither history nor romance, where “decorum” and the rules of the
Drama were at issue. Shall this privilege cease with respect to fictitious
stories? Must we in future have more scrupulous or religious regard, if we
may be allowed the expression, for falsehood than the Ancients had for
truth? What people call a good tale never passes from hand to hand without
receiving some fresh touch of embellishment. How comes it then, we may be
asked, that in many passages the Author curtails instead of enlarging on
the original? On that point we are agreed: the Author does so in order to
avoid lengthiness and ambiguity,—two faults which are inadmissible
in such matters, especially the latter. For if lucidity is to be commended
in all literary works, we may say that it is especially necessary in
narratives, where one thing is, as a rule, the sequel and the result of
another; where the less important sometimes lays the basis of the more
important; so that, once the thread becomes broken, the reader cannot
gather it up again. Besides, as narratives in verse are very awkward, the
author must clog himself with details as little as possible; by means of
this you relieve not only yourself, but also the reader, for whom an
author should not fail to prepare pleasure unalloyed. Whenever the Author
has altered a few particulars and even a few catastrophes, he has been
forced to do so by the cause of that catastrophe and the urgency of giving
it a happy termination. He has fancied that in tales of this kind everyone
ought to be satisfied with the end: it pleases the reader at any rate, if
the author has not given the characters too distasteful a rendering. But
he must not go so far as that, if possible, nor make the reader laugh and
cry in the same tale. This medley shocks Horace above all things; his wish
is not that our works should border on the grotesque, and that we should
draw a picture half woman half fish. These are the general motives the
Author has had in view. We might still quote special motives and vindicate
each point; but we must needs leave something to the capacity and leniency
of our readers. They will be satisfied, then, with the motives we have
mentioned. We would have stated them more clearly and have set more by
them, had the general compass of a Preface so allowed.
But while we say we want to drop this topic, we've ended up discussing it unconsciously. Maybe this isn't entirely without benefit, since there’s nothing that looks more like mistakes than these liberties. Let’s now look at the freedom the Author has taken in butting into the stories of others, as well as his own, without even sparing the most well-known tales, which he doesn’t hesitate to change. He cuts down, expands, and alters events and details, sometimes even the main points and conclusions; in short, the story is no longer the same; in fact, it’s a completely new tale; its original author would find it quite challenging to recognize his own work in it. “Non sic decet contaminari fabulas,” Critics will say. Why shouldn’t they? They mocked Terence in the same way; but Terence shrugged off their comments and asserted his right to do as he did. He blended his own ideas with the subjects he borrowed from Menander, just like Sophocles and Euripides mixed theirs with topics from earlier writers, not holding back from history or fiction when it came to what was “acceptable” and the rules of Drama. Should this freedom no longer apply to made-up stories? Must we hold falsehood in higher regard than the Ancients did for truth? A good story never moves from one person to another without getting some fresh embellishment. So, one might ask, why does the Author sometimes cut back instead of expanding on the original? On this point, we agree: the Author does this to avoid being too long or unclear—two flaws that are unacceptable in these matters, especially the latter. If clarity is essential in all writing, it's particularly crucial in stories, where one event usually leads to another; where the less significant sometimes sets the stage for the more significant; so if the connection breaks, the reader can’t pick it up again. Additionally, since narratives in verse can be quite clumsy, the author should weigh down the work with details as little as possible; this way, you help not only yourself, but also the reader, for whom an author should strive to provide pure enjoyment. Whenever the Author has adjusted a few details or even some outcomes, he’s been compelled to do so by the nature of that outcome and the need for a happy ending. He believes everyone should be satisfied with how such stories conclude: at least it pleases the reader if the author hasn’t rendered the characters too unappealingly. But he mustn't go too far and make the reader laugh and cry in the same story. This mix-up annoys Horace above all; he doesn’t want our works to be absurd or to create a half-woman, half-fish creature. These are the general reasons the Author has had in mind. We could still mention specific reasons and justify each point; but we must leave some things to the understanding and patience of our readers. They will likely be satisfied with the reasons we've provided. We would have explained them more clearly and given them more importance if the overall scope of a Preface had allowed it.
FRIAR PHILIP'S GEESE
IF these gay tales give pleasure to the FAIR,
IF these cheerful stories bring joy to the FAIR,
The honour's great conferred, I'm well aware;
The honor is great, I know that well;
Yet, why suppose the sex my pages shun?
Yet, why assume the gender my pages avoid?
Enough, if they condemn where follies run;
Enough, if they criticize where foolishness prevails;
Laugh in their sleeve at tricks they disapprove,
Laugh quietly at the tricks they don't approve of,
And, false or true, a muscle never move.
And, whether it's true or not, a muscle never moves.
A playful jest can scarcely give offence:
A lighthearted joke can hardly cause any offense:
Who knows too much, oft shows a want of sense.
Who knows too much often shows a lack of common sense.
From flatt'ry oft more dire effects arise,
From flattery, often worse consequences come,
Enflame the heart and take it by surprise;
Enflame the heart and catch it off guard;
Ye beauteous belles, beware each sighing swain,
Ye beauteous belles, beware each sighing swain,
Discard his vows:—my book with care retain;
Discard his vows:—please keep my book safe;
Your safety then I'll guarantee at ease.—
Your safety, I’ll guarantee it without worry.
But why dismiss?—their wishes are to please:
But why dismiss?—they just want to make you happy:
And, truly, no necessity appears
And honestly, there’s no need
For solitude:—consider well your years.
For solitude:—reflect on your years.
I HAVE, and feel convinced they do you wrong,
I have, and I truly believe they are wronging you,
Who think no virtue can to such belong;
Who thinks no virtue can belong to such;
White crows and phoenixes do not abound;
White crows and phoenixes are rare;
But lucky lovers still are sometimes found;
But lucky lovers can still sometimes be found;
And though, as these famed birds, not quite so rare,
And even though, like these famous birds, not quite so rare,
The numbers are not great that favours share;
The numbers aren’t great for the shares;
I own my works a diff'rent sense express,
I own my works in a different sense express,
But these are tales:—mere tales in easy dress.
But these are just stories—simple stories in a casual style.
To beauty's wiles, in ev'ry class, I've bowed;
To the charms of beauty, I've submitted in every class;
Fawned, flattered, sighed, e'en constancy have vowed
Fawned, flattered, sighed, even promised loyalty
What gained? you ask—but little I admit;
What did I gain, you ask—but not much, I admit;
Howe'er we aim, too oft we fail to hit.
However we aim, we often miss the target.
My latter days I'll now devote with care,
My later days I’ll now spend wisely,
To guard the sex from ev'ry latent snare.
To protect the sex from every hidden trap.
Tales I'll detail, and these relate at ease:
Tales I'll share, and these will come easily:
Narrations clear and neat will always please;
Clear and straightforward stories will always be enjoyable;
Like me, to this attention criticks pay;
Like me, critics pay attention to this;
Then sleep, on either side, from night till day.
Then sleep, on either side, from night until day.
If awkward, vulgar phrase intervene,
If awkward, vulgar phrases arise,
Or rhymes imperfect o'er the page be seen,
Or imperfect rhymes can be seen across the page,
Condemn at will; but stratagems and art,
Condemn if you want; but tricks and skills,
Pass, shut your eyes, who'd heed the idle part?
Pass, close your eyes, who would pay attention to the pointless stuff?
Some mothers, husbands, may perhaps be led,
Some mothers and husbands might be led,
To pull my locks for stories white or red;
To pull my hair for stories, whether white or red;
So matters stand: a fine affair, no doubt,
So here's the situation: a great deal, for sure,
And what I've failed to do—my book makes out.
And what I haven't managed to do—my book reveals.
Original
THE FAIR my pages safely may pursue,
THE FAIR my pages can safely follow,
And this apology they'll not refuse.
And they won't turn down this apology.
What recompense can I presume to make?
What compensation can I expect to give?
A tale I'll give, where female charms partake,
A story I'll tell, featuring the allure of women,
And prove resistless whatsoe'er assail:
And prove unstoppable whatever attacks:
Blessed BEAUTY, NATURE ever should prevail.
Blessed beauty, nature should always win.
HAD Fate decreed our YOUTH, at early morn,
HAD Fate decided our YOUTH, in the early morning,
To view the angel features you adorn,
To see the angelic features you wear,
The captivating pow'rs AURORA bless,
The captivating powers AURORA bless,
Or airy SPRING bedecked in beauteous dress,
Or airy SPRING dressed in beautiful attire,
And all the azure canopy on high
And all the blue sky above
Had vanished like a dream, once you were nigh.
Had vanished like a dream, once you were near.
And when his eyes at length your charms beheld,
And when his eyes finally saw your charms,
His glowing breast with softest passion swelled;
His shining chest swelled with the softest passion;
Superior lustre beamed at ev'ry view;
Superior luster shone at every glance;
No pleasures pleased: his soul was fixed on you.
No pleasures brought him joy: his heart was set on you.
Crowns, jewels, palaces, appeared as naught.
Crowns, jewels, and palaces seemed worthless.
'Twas solely beauteous woman now he sought.
He was now only looking for a beautiful woman.
A WOOD, from earliest years, his home had been,
A WOOD, since his early years, had been his home,
And birds the only company he'd seen,
And the only company he had seen were birds,
Whose notes harmonious often lulled his care,
Whose soothing notes often eased his worries,
Beguiled his hours, and saved him from despair;
Beguiled his hours and kept him from despair;
Delightful sounds! from nightingale and dove
Delightful sounds! from the nightingale and dove
Unknown their tongue, yet indicant of love.
Unknown their language, yet showing signs of love.
THIS savage, solitary, rustick school,
this rough, remote, rustic school,
The father chose his infancy to rule.
The father decided to rule during his childhood.
The mother's recent death induced the sire,
The mother's recent death affected the father,
To place the son where only beasts retire;
To put the son in a place where only animals go;
And long the forest habitants alone
And for a long time, the forest dwellers were alone
Were all his youthful sight had ever known.
Were all his youthful experiences had ever known.
TWO reasons, good or bad, the father led
TWO reasons, good or bad, the father led
To fly the world:—all intercourse to dread
To travel the world:—to fear all interactions.
Since fate had torn his lovely spouse from hence;
Since fate had ripped his lovely wife away from here;
Misanthropy and fear o'ercame each sense;
Misanthropy and fear took over every sense;
Of the world grown tired, he hated all around:—
Of the world that had become weary, he despised everything around him:—
Too oft in solitude is sorrow found.
Too often, sorrow is found in solitude.
His partner's death produced distaste of life,
His partner's death created a dislike for life,
And made him fear to seek another wife.
And made him afraid to look for another wife.
A hermit's gloomy, mossy cell he took,
A hermit's dark, moss-covered cell he chose,
And wished his child might thither solely look.
And hoped his child would only look there.
AMONG the poor his little wealth he threw,
AMONG the poor, he shared his small amount of wealth,
And with his infant son alone withdrew;
And he withdrew alone with his baby son;
The forest's dreary wilds concealed his cell;
The forest's gloomy wilderness hid his cell;
There Philip (such his name) resolved to dwell.
There Philip (that's his name) decided to live.
BY holy motives led, and not chagrin,
BY holy motives led, and not disappointment,
The hermit never spoke of what he'd seen;
The hermit never talked about what he had witnessed;
But, from the youth's discernment, strove to hide,
But, from the young person's insight, tried to hide,
Whate'er regarded love, and much beside,
Whate'er considered love, and much more,
The softer sex, with all their magick charms,
The gentler sex, with all their magical charms,
That fill the feeling bosom with alarms.
That fill the heart with anxiety.
As years advanced, the boy with care he taught;
As the years went by, he taught the boy with great care;
What suited best his age before him brought;
What was best suited for his age lay ahead;
At five he showed him animals and flow'rs,
At five, he showed him animals and flowers,
The birds of air, the beasts, their sev'ral pow'rs;
The birds in the sky, the animals, their various abilities;
And now and then of hell he gave a hint,
And now and then he dropped a hint about hell,
Old Satan's wrath, and what might awe imprint,
Old Satan's anger, and what might leave a lasting impression,
How formed, and doomed to infamy below;
How it was formed, and destined for infamy below;
In childhood FEAR 's the lesson first we know!
In childhood, fear is the first lesson we learn!
THE years had passed away, when Philip tried,
THE years had passed by when Philip tried,
In matters more profound his son to guide;
In deeper matters, his son to guide;
He spoke of Paradise and Heav'n above;
He talked about Paradise and Heaven above;
But not a word of woman,—nor of LOVE.
But not a word about women—or about LOVE.
Fifteen arrived, the sire with anxious care,
Fifteen arrived, the father with worried concern,
Of NATURE'S works declaimed,—but not the FAIR:
Of NATURE's works spoken of,—but not the BEAUTIFUL:
An age, when those, for solitude designed,
An era when those meant for solitude,
Should be to scenes of seriousness confined,
Should be limited to scenes of seriousness,
Nor joys of youth, nor soft ideas praised
Nor joys of youth, nor gentle thoughts celebrated
The flame soon spreads when Cupid's torch is raised.
The flame quickly spreads when Cupid lifts his torch.
AT length, when twenty summers time had run,
AT last, when twenty years had passed,
The father to the city brought his son;
The father of the city brought his son;
With years weighed down, the hermit scarcely knew
With years bearing down on him, the hermit barely knew
His daily course of duty to pursue;
His daily tasks to complete;
And when Death's venomed shaft should on him fall;
And when Death's poisoned arrow should strike him;
On whom could then his boy for succour call?
On whom could his boy then call for help?
How life support, unknowing and unknown?
How does life support us, both unknowingly and in ways we don't yet understand?
Wolves, foxes, bears, ne'er charity have shown;
Wolves, foxes, and bears have never shown any kindness;
And all the sire could give his darling care,
And all the father could give his beloved care,
A staff and wallet, he was well aware
A staff and wallet, he was well aware
Fine patrimony, truly, for a child!
Fine inheritance, really, for a child!
To which his mind was no way reconciled.
To which his mind was not at all settled.
Bread few, 'twas clear, the hermit would deny,
Bread was scarce, it was obvious, the hermit would refuse,
And rich he might have been you may rely;
And he could have easily been rich, you can count on that;
When he drew near, the children quickly cried
When he got closer, the kids quickly shouted.
Here's father Philip—haste, the alms provide;
Here's Father Philip—hurry, the donations help;
And many pious men his friends were found,
And many devout men who were his friends were found,
But not one female devotee around:
But there wasn't a single female devotee around:
None would he hear; the FAIR he always fled
None would he listen to; he always ran from the FAIR.
Their smiles and wiles the friar kept in dread.
Their smiles and tricks kept the friar in fear.
OUR hermit, when he thought his darling youth;
OUR hermit, when he thought of his beloved youth;
Well fixed in duty and religious truth,
Well grounded in duty and religious truth,
Conveyed him 'mong his pious friends, to learn
Conveyed him among his religious friends, to learn
How food to beg, and other ways discern.
How to ask for food, and other ways to tell.
In tears he viewed his son the forest quit,
In tears, he watched his son leave the forest.
And fain would have him for the world unfit.
And would gladly have him unfit for the world.
THE city's palaces and lofty spires,
THE city's palaces and tall spires,
Our rustick's bosom filled with new desires.
Our rustic's heart filled with new desires.
The prince's residence great splendour showed,
The prince's residence displayed great splendor,
And lively pleasure on the youth bestowed.
And offered lively pleasure to the youth.
What's here? said he; The court, his friends replied:—
What's going on? he asked. The court, his friends replied:—
What there?—The mansions where the great reside:—
What’s there?—The mansions where the wealthy live:—
And these?—Fine statues, noble works of art:
And these?—Great sculptures, impressive works of art:
All gave delight and gratitude his heart.
All filled his heart with joy and gratitude.
But when the beauteous FAIR first caught his view,
But when the beautiful lady first caught his eye,
To ev'ry other sight he bade adieu;
To every other sight, he said goodbye;
The palace, court, or mansions he admired,
The palace, court, or mansions he admired,
No longer proved the objects he desired;
No longer did he possess the things he wanted;
Another cause of admiration rose,
Another reason to admire emerged,
His breast pervaded, and disturbed repose.
His chest was restless and disturbed the calm.
What's this, he cried, so elegantly neat?
What's this, he exclaimed, so stylishly tidy?
O tell me, father; make my joy complete!
O tell me, Dad; make my happiness complete!
WHAT gave the son such exquisite delight,
WHAT gave the son such deep joy,
The parent filled with agonizing fright.
The parent was filled with unbearable fear.
To answer, howsoe'er he'd no excuse,
To answer, even though he had no excuse,
So told the youth—a bird they call a goose.
So said the young man—a bird they call a goose.
O BEAUTEOUS bird, exclaimed th' enraptured boy,
O beautiful bird, exclaimed the captivated boy,
Sing, sound thy voice, 'twill fill my soul with joy;
Sing, let your voice fill my soul with joy;
To thee I'd anxiously be better known;
To you, I would eagerly like to be better known;
O father, let me have one for my own!
O Dad, let me have one for myself!
A thousand times I fondly ask the boon;
A thousand times I sweetly ask for the favor;
Let's take it to the woods: 'tis not too soon;
Let's go to the woods: it's not too early;
Young as it is, I'll feed it morn and night,
Young as it is, I'll feed it morning and night,
And always make it my supreme delight.
And always make it my greatest pleasure.
RICHARD MINUTOLO
Original
IN ev'ry age, at Naples, we are told,
IN every age, in Naples, we are told,
Intrigue and gallantry reign uncontrolled;
Intrigue and chivalry reign supreme;
With beauteous objects in abundance blessed.
With beautiful things readily available.
No country round so many has possessed;
No country has had as many surrounding it;
Such fascinating charms the FAIR disclose,
Such fascinating charms the FAIR reveal,
That irresistibly soft passion flows.
That irresistibly soft passion flows.
'MONG these a belle, enchanting to behold,
'MONG these a beauty, captivating to look at,
Was loved by one, of birth and store of gold;
Was loved by one, born with wealth and a treasure of gold;
Minutolo (and Richard) was his name,
Minutolo (and Richard) was his name,
In Cupid's train a youth of brilliant fame:
In Cupid's entourage was a young man of remarkable fame:
'Tween Rome and Paris none was more gallant,
'Tween Rome and Paris, none was more dashing,
And num'rous hearts were for him known to pant.
And many hearts were known to beat for him.
CATELLA (thus was called our lady fair,)
CATELLA (that’s what we called our beautiful lady,)
So long, howe'er, resisted Richard's snare,
So long, however, Richard's trap was resisted,
That prayers, and vows, and promises were vain;
That prayers, vows, and promises were pointless;
A favour Minutolo could not gain.
A favor Minutolo couldn't obtain.
At length, our hero weary, coldness showed,
At last, our hero, feeling tired and cold,
And dropt attendance, since no kindness flowed;
And stopped showing up since no kindness was given;
Pretended to be cured:—another sought,
Pretended to be healed:—another sought,
And feigned her charms his tender heart had caught:
And pretended her charms had captivated his tender heart:
Catella laughed, but jealousy was nigh;
Catella laughed, but jealousy was close behind;
'Twas for her friend that now He heaved the sigh.
'Twas for her friend that He now sighed.
THESE dames together met, and Richard too,
THESE ladies got together, and Richard too,
The gay gallant a glowing picture drew,
The stylish guy painted a vibrant picture,
Of certain husbands, lovers, prudes, and wives;
Of some husbands, lovers, prudes, and wives;
Who led in secret most lascivious lives.
Who secretly lived the most indulgent lives.
Though none he named, Catella was amazed;
Though he didn't name anyone, Catella was amazed;
His hints suspicions of her husband raised;
His hints raised suspicions about her husband;
And such her agitation and affright,
And so her anxiety and fear,
That, anxious to procure more certain light,
That, eager to gain clearer insight,
In haste she took Minutolo aside,
In a hurry, she pulled Minutolo aside,
And begged the names he would not from her hide,
And begged her not to hide the names from him,
With all particulars, from first to last:—
With all details, from beginning to end:—
Her ardent wish to know whate'er had passed.
Her strong desire to know everything that had happened.
SO long your reign, said Richard, o'er my mind,
SO long your reign, said Richard, over my mind,
Deny I could not, howsoe'er inclined;
Deny I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to;
With Mrs. Simon often is your spouse;
With Mrs. Simon, your spouse is often around;
Her character no doubt your spleen will rouse;
Her character will surely annoy you.
I've no design, observe to give offence,
I don't mean to offend,
But, when I see your int'rest in suspense,
But, when I see your interest in suspense,
I cannot silent keep; though, were I still
I can't stay silent; however, if I were still
A slave, devoted wholly to your will,
A slave, completely dedicated to your will,
As late I moved, I would not drop a word
As I moved slowly, I wouldn't say a word.
Mistrust of lovers may not be absurd;
Mistrust of lovers might not be unreasonable;
Besides, you'd fancy other motives led
Besides, you'd think other reasons were involved.
To tell you of your husband what was said;
To tell you what was said about your husband;
But heav'n be praised, of you I nothing want;
But thank goodness, I don’t need anything from you;
My object's plain—no more the fond gallant.
My goal is clear—no longer the romantic hero.
I'VE lately certain information had,
I've had some information lately,
Your spouse (I scarcely thought the man so bad,)
Your spouse (I hardly thought the guy was that bad,)
Has with the lady an appointment made;
Has an appointment made with the lady;
At Jack's nice bagnio he will meet the jade.
At Jack's nice spot, he will meet the gem.
NOW clearly Jack's not rich, and there's no doubt;
NOW clearly Jack isn't wealthy, and that's for sure;
A hundred ducats give, and—ALL will out;
A hundred ducats to give, and—everything will be revealed;
Let him but have a handsome sum in view,
Let him just have a good amount in mind,
And any thing you wish, be sure he'll do;
And anything you want, you can count on him to do;
You then can manage ev'ry way so well,
You can manage every way so well,
That, at the place assigned to meet his belle,
That, at the spot designated to meet his girl,
You'll take this truant husband by surprise;—
You'll catch this absent husband off guard;—
Permit me in this nice affair to advise.
Permit me in this pleasant situation to give some advice.
THE lady has agreed, you will remark,
THE lady has agreed, you will notice,
That in a room where ev'ry part is dark,
That in a room where every part is dark,
(Perhaps to 'scape the keeper's prying sight,
(Perhaps to escape the keeper's prying eyes,
Or shame directs exclusion of the light,)
Or shame leads to exclusion from the light,
She will receive your gay inconstant spouse;
She will welcome your cheerful, unpredictable partner;
Now, take her place; the case deceit allows;
Now, take her place; the situation permits deception;
Make Jack your friend; nor haggle at the price;
Make Jack your friend; and don’t argue about the price;
A hundred ducats give, is my advice;
A hundred ducats, that's my advice;
He'll place you in the room where darkness reigns;
He'll put you in the room where darkness rules;
Think not too fast, nor suffer heavy chains;
Think not too quickly, nor bear heavy burdens;
Do what you wish, and utter not a word;
Do whatever you want, and don't say a thing;
To speak, assuredly would be absurd;
To speak with certainty would definitely be ridiculous;
'Twould spoil the whole; destroy the project quite;
It would ruin everything; completely derail the plan;
Attend, and see if all things be not right.
Attend, and see if everything is as it should be.
THE project pleased Catella to the soul;
THE project delighted Catella to her core;
Her wrath, no longer able to controul,
Her anger, no longer able to be controlled,
She Richard stopt; enough, enough, she cried;
She stopped Richard; enough, enough, she shouted;
I fully understand:—leave me to guide;
I completely understand:—let me take the lead;
I'll play the fellow and his wanton lass
I'll play the guy and his wild girl
A pretty trick-shall all their art surpass,
A clever trick will outshine all their skills,
Unless the string gives way and spoils my scheme;
Unless the string breaks and messes up my plan;
What, take me for a nincompoop?—they dream.
What, do you think I'm an idiot?—they dream.
THIS said, she sought excuse to get away,
THIS said, she looked for a reason to leave,
And went in quest of Jack without delay.
And set out to find Jack right away.
The keeper, howsoe'er, a hint had got;
The keeper, however, had gotten a hint;
Minutolo had schooled him for the plot;
Minutolo had trained him for the plan;
Oft cash does wonders, and, if such the case
Oftentimes, money does wonders, and if that’s the case
In France or Britain, when conferred a grace,
In France or Britain, when given a favor,
The bribe is taken, and the truth abused,
The bribe is accepted, and the truth is twisted,
In Italy it will not be refused;
In Italy, it won't be denied;
There this sole quiver Cupid useful finds,—
There this single quiver Cupid finds useful,—
A purse well stored—all binds, gunlocks, or blinds:
A well-stocked purse—everything for protection or concealment:
Jack took the pelf from Richard and the dame;
Jack took the money from Richard and the lady;
Had Satan offered—'twould have been the same.
Had Satan offered—it would have been the same.
In short, Minutolo had full success,
In short, Minutolo was completely successful,
All came about, and marked the spark's address.
All came about and noted the spark's location.
THE lady had at first some warm dispute
THE lady had at first some heated disagreement
To many questions Jack was even mute;
To many questions, Jack was even silent;
But when he saw the golden charms unmasked,
But when he saw the golden charms revealed,
Far more he promised than Catella asked.
Far more he promised than Catella asked.
THE time of rendezvous arrived, our spark
THE time of meeting arrived, our spark
To Jack's repaired, and found the room quite dark;
To Jack’s surprise, he found the room pretty dark;
So well arranged, no crevice could he find,
So well arranged, he couldn't find a single crack,
Through which the light might hurt what he designed.
Through which the light might damage what he intended.
NOT long he waited, ere our jealous dame,
NOT long he waited, before our jealous lady,
Who longed to find her faithless husband, came,
Who longed to find her unfaithful husband, came,
Most thoroughly prepared his ears to greet.
Most thoroughly prepared his ears to listen.
Jack brought the couple presently to meet.
Jack brought the couple to meet just now.
The lady found, howe'er, not what she sought:
The lady found, however, not what she was looking for:
No guilty spouse, nor Mrs. Simon caught;
No guilty spouse, nor Mrs. Simon caught;
But wily Richard, who, without alarms,
But clever Richard, who, without any warnings,
In silence took Catella in his arms.
In silence, he took Catella in his arms.
What further passed between the easy pair,
What else happened between the relaxed couple,
Think what you will, I mean not to declare;
Think what you want, I don't intend to say;
The lover certainly received delight
The lover definitely felt joy.
The lady showed no terror nor affright;
The lady showed no fear or fright;
On neither side a syllable was dropt
On neither side was a word said
With care Minutolo his laughter stopt;
With care, Minutolo stopped his laughter;
Though difficult, our spark succeeded well;
Though it was challenging, our spark was successful.
No words of mine can Richard's pleasure tell.
No words of mine can express Richard's joy.
His fav'rite beauteous belle he now possessed,
His favorite beautiful girl he now had,
And triumphed where so oft he'd been repressed,
And succeeded where he had often been held back,
Yet fondly hoped her pardon he should get,
Yet she hoped he would get her forgiveness,
Since they together had so gaily met.
Since they had met so joyfully together.
AT length, the fair could no longer contain:
AT last, the fair could no longer hold back:
Vile wretch, she cried, I've borne too much 'tis plain;
Vile wretch, she shouted, I've put up with too much, that's clear;
I'm not the fav'rite whom thou had'st in view:
I'm not the favorite you had in mind:
To tear thy eyes out justly were thy due,
To justly tear your eyes out would be what you deserve,
'Tis this, indeed, that makes thee silent keep,
'Tis this, indeed, that makes you keep quiet,
Each morn feign sickness, and pretend to sleep,
Each morning, pretend to be sick and act like you're sleeping,
Thyself reserving doubtless for amours:—
You must be keeping doubtless for love:—
Speak, villain! say, of charms have I less stores?
Speak, villain! Tell me, do I have fewer charms?
Or what has Mrs. Simon more than I?
Or what does Mrs. Simon have that I don’t?
A wanton wench, in tricks so wondrous sly!
A carefree woman, with tricks so cleverly deceptive!
Where my love less? though truly now I hate;
Where is my love now? Though honestly, I hate it.
Would that I'd seen thee hung, thou wretch ingrate!
Would that I had seen you hanged, you ungrateful wretch!
MINUTOLO, while thus Catella spoke,
MINUTOLO, as Catella said,
Caressed her much, but silence never broke;
Caressed her a lot, but never spoke a word;
A kiss e'en tried to gain, without success;
A kiss even attempted to get, but failed;
She struggled, and refused to acquiesce;
She struggled and refused to give in;
Begone! said she, nor treat me like a child;
Begone! she said, and don't treat me like a child;
Stand off!—away!—thy taction is defiled;
Stand back!—away!—your touch is ruined;
My tears express an injured woman's grief;
My tears show the pain of a hurt woman;
No more thy wife I'll be, but seek relief;
No longer will I be your wife, but I will seek comfort;
Return my fortune—go:—thy mistress seek;
Return my fortune—go:—find your lady;
To be so constant:—How was I so weak?
To be so consistent:—How was I so weak?
It surely would be nothing more than right,
It would definitely be only fair,
Were Richard I to see this very night,
Were Richard I to see this very night,
Who adoration constantly has paid:—
Who has always paid admiration:—
You much deserve to be a cuckold made;
You definitely deserve to be made a cuckold;
I'm half inclined, I vow, to do the worst.
I'm really tempted, I swear, to do the worst.
At this our arch gallant with laughter burst.
At this, our main hero burst out laughing.
What impudence!—You mock me too? she cried
What audacity!—You’re mocking me too? she yelled.
Let's see, with blushes if his face be dyed?
Let's see if his face is flushed.
When from his arms she sprang, a window sought;
When she jumped from his arms, she looked for a window;
The shutters ope'd, and then a view she caught;
The shutters opened, and then she caught a glimpse.
Minutolo, her lover! * * * what surprise!
Minutolo, her boyfriend! * * * what a surprise!
Pale, faint, she instant grew, and closed her eyes:
Pale and faint, she quickly grew still and closed her eyes:
Who would have thought, said she, thou wert so base?
Who would have thought, she said, that you were so low?
I'm lost! * * * for ever sunk in dire disgrace!
I'm lost! * * * forever trapped in deep shame!
WHO'LL, know it? Richard earnestly replied;
WHO'LL know it? Richard earnestly replied;
In Jack's concealment we may both confide;
In Jack's hiding place, we can both trust.
Excuse the trick I've played and ne'er repine;
Excuse the trick I pulled and don't be upset;
Address, force, treachery, in love combine;
Address, strength, deceit, all mix in love;
All are permitted when intrigue 's the word;
All is allowed when it comes to intrigue;
To hold the contrary were quite absurd.
To think otherwise would be quite absurd.
Till stratagem was used I naught could gain,
Till the plan was used, I couldn't get anything.
But looks and darts from eyes, for all my pain.
But gazes and glances from eyes, for all my suffering.
I've paid myself;—Would you have done it?—No;
I've paid myself;—Would you have done that?—No;
'Tis all as might be wished;—come, smiles bestow;
'It's all as it should be; come, give us some smiles;
I'm satisfied, the fault was not with you.
I'm happy; it wasn’t your fault.
In this, to make you wretched, naught I view;
In this, to make you miserable, I see nothing;
Why sigh and groan?—What numbers could I name,
Why sigh and moan?—What names could I mention,
Who would be happy to be served the same.
Who would be happy to be treated the same?
HIS reas'ning yet could not the belle appease;
HIS reasoning still couldn't calm the beauty;
She wept, and sought by tears her mind to ease;
She cried, hoping to calm her mind with her tears;
Affliction highly added to her charms;
Affliction made her more attractive;
Minutolo still gave her new alarms;
Minutolo still set off new alarms for her;
He took her hand, which she at once withdrew:
He grabbed her hand, but she instantly pulled it away:
Away, she cried; no longer me pursue;
Away, she shouted; no longer will I chase you;
Be satisfied; you surely don't desire
Be satisfied; you definitely don't want
That I assistance from the house require,
That I need help from the house,
Or rouse the neighbours with my plaintive cries
Or wake the neighbors with my sad cries
I'll ev'ry thing declare without disguise.
I’ll be completely transparent.
SUCH folly don't commit, replied the spark;
"Don't make that mistake," replied the young man;
Your wisest plan is nothing to remark:
Your smartest plan is nothing to comment on:
The world at present is become so vile,
The world today has become so awful,
If you the truth divulge, they'll only smile;
If you tell the truth, they'll just smile;
Not one a word of treachery would believe,
Not a single word of betrayal would be believed,
But think you came—and money to receive:
But I guess you showed up—and you have money to collect:
Suppose, besides, it reached your husband's ears;
Suppose, on top of that, it reached your husband's ears;
Th' effect has reason to excite your fears;
The effect is sure to raise your fears;
'Twould give displeasure and occasion strife:
It would cause unhappiness and lead to conflict:
Would you in duels wish to risk his life?
Would you want to risk his life in duels?
Whatever makes you with him disagree,
Whatever makes you disagree with him,
At all events, I'm full as bad as he.
At any rate, I'm just as bad as he is.
THESE reasons with Catella greatly weighed
THESE reasons with Catella carried a lot of weight
Since things, continued he, are thus displayed;
Since things, he continued, are shown this way;
And cannot be repaired, console your mind;
And it can't be fixed, so don't worry yourself;
A perfect being never was designed.
A perfect being was never created.
If, howsoe'er you will * * * but say no more;
If, however you want * * * but don't say anything else;
Such thoughts for ever banish, I implore.
Please keep those thoughts away forever, I beg you.
'Mid all my perseverance, zeal, and art,
'Throughout all my efforts, enthusiasm, and skill,
I nothing got but frowns that pierced the heart:
I got nothing but frowns that pierced my heart:
'Twill now on you depend if pleasure prove
It will now depend on you if pleasure turns out to be
This day imperfect, ere from hence we move.
This day is flawed; before we leave here.
What more remains to do? the worst is past;
What else is left to do? The worst is over;
'Tis step the first that costs, however classed.
'Tis the first step that costs, no matter how it's classified.
So well Minutolo preferred his suit,
So much so that Minutolo preferred his approach,
The lady with him more would not dispute,
The woman with him wouldn't argue anymore,
With downcast eyes she listened to his prayer,
With her eyes cast down, she listened to his prayer,
And looked disposed to tranquilize his care;
And seemed ready to ease his worries;
From easy freedom soon he 'gan to soar;
From easy freedom, he soon began to rise;
A smile received:—a kiss bestowed and more:
A smile given:—a kiss shared and more:
At length, the lady passed resistance by,
At last, the lady overcame resistance,
And all conceded, e'en without a sigh.
And everyone agreed, even without a sigh.
OUR hero felt a thousand times more blessed
OUR hero felt a thousand times more fortunate
Than when he first the beauteous fair caressed;
Than when he first embraced the beautiful fair one;
For when a flame reciprocal is raised,
For when a mutual flame is ignited,
The bliss redoubles, and by all is praised.
The joy increases, and everyone admires it.
THUS Richard pleasantly employed his time,
THUS Richard happily spent his time,
Contented lived, concentring joys sublime.
Content living, focusing on sublime joys.
A sample, now, we have given of his pow'rs,
A sample, now, we've shown of his powers,
And who would wish for more delightful hours?
And who wouldn't want more enjoyable hours?
O grant, kind heav'n! that I the like may meet,
O grant, kind heaven! that I may meet someone like this,
And ever prove so wary and discreet.
And always be so cautious and discreet.
THE MONKS OF CATALONIA
Original
TO you, my friends, allow me to detail,
To you, my friends, let me explain,
The feats of monks in Catalonia's vale,
The achievements of monks in the valley of Catalonia,
Where oft the holy fathers pow'rs displayed,
Where often the holy fathers' powers were shown,
And showed such charity to wife and maid,
And showed such kindness to his wife and the maid,
That o'er their minds sweet fascination reigned,
That sweet fascination held sway over their minds,
And made them think, they Paradise had gained.
And made them think they had gained Paradise.
SUCH characters oft preciously advise,
Such characters often provide valuable advice,
And youthful easy female minds surprise,
And young, carefree female minds are surprising,
The beauteous FAIR encircle with their net,
The beautiful FAIR surround with their net,
And, of the feeling heart, possession get:
And, of the feeling heart, possession get:
Work in the holy vineyard, you may guess,
Work in the sacred vineyard, you might imagine,
And, as our tale will show, with full success.
And, as our story will show, with complete success.
IN times of old, when learning 'mong the FAIR,
IN times of old, when learning among the FAIR,
Enough to read the testament, was rare,
Enough to read the will, was rare,
(Times howsoe'er thought difficult to quote,)
(Times however thought difficult to quote,)
A swarm of monks of gormandizing note,
A group of monks known for their excessive eating,
Arrived and fixed themselves within a town,
Arrived and settled down in a town,
For young and beauteous belles of great renown,
For young and beautiful women of great fame,
While, of gallants, there seemed but very few,
While there seemed to be very few brave people,
Though num'rous aged husbands you might view.
Though you might see many older husbands.
A NOBLE chapel soon the fathers raised,
A noble chapel was soon built by the fathers,
To which the females ran and highly praised,
To which the women ran and praised enthusiastically,
Surveyed it o'er and confidently thought,
Surveyed it over and confidently thought,
'Twas there, of course, salvation should be sought.
It was there, of course, that salvation should be found.
And when their faith had thoroughly been proved,
And when their faith had been fully tested,
To gain their point the monks the veil removed.—
To make their point, the monks removed the veil.
Good father Andrew scorned to use finesse,
Good father Andrew refused to use tricks,
And in discourse the sex would thus address.
And in conversation, the gender would speak like this.
IF any thing prevent your sov'reign bliss,
IF anything prevents your sovereign happiness,
And Paradise incautiously you miss,
And you carelessly miss paradise,
Most certainly the evil will arise,
Most definitely, evil will come up,
From keeping for your husbands large supplies,
From keeping large supplies for your husbands,
Of what a surplus you have clearly got,
Of what a surplus you clearly have,
And more than requisite to them allot,
And more than necessary to them assign,
Without bestowing on your trusty friends,
Without giving your loyal friends,
The saving that to no one blessings lends.
The saving that doesn’t bless anyone.
PERHAPS you'll tell me, marriage boons we shun;
PERHAPS you'll tell me, we avoid the benefits of marriage;
'Tis true, and Heav'n be praised enough is done,
'Tis true, and heaven be praised, enough is done,
Without those duties to require our share
Without those responsibilities to require our part
You know from direful sin we guard the FAIR.
You know we protect the FAIR from serious sin.
Ingratitude 's declared the height of crimes,
Ingratitude is considered the worst of crimes,
And God pronounced it such in early times;
And God declared it so long ago;
For this eternally was Satan curst;
For this, Satan was cursed forever;
Howe'er you err, be careful of the worst.
However you mess up, be careful of the worst.
Return to Heav'n your thanks for bounteous care,
Return to Heaven your thanks for generous care,
And then to us a tithe of surplus spare,
And then to us a share of extra leftovers,
Which costs you nothing worth a moment's thought;
Which costs you nothing to think about for even a moment;
And marks the zeal with which our faith is taught,
And shows the enthusiasm with which our faith is taught,
A claim legitimate our order opes,
A legitimate claim opens our order,
Bestowed, for holy offices, by popes,
Bestowed for religious roles by popes,
No charitable gift, but lawful right:
No charitable gift, but a legal right:
Priests well supported are a glorious sight.
Well-supported priests are a glorious sight.
Four times a year, exactly to a day,
Four times a year, on the exact same day,
Each wife this tithe should personally pay
Each wife should personally pay this tax.
Our holy saint requires that you submit:
Our holy saint requires that you comply:
'Tis founded on decrees of holy writ.
It's based on the laws of sacred scripture.
All Nature carefully the law reveres,
All of nature carefully respects the law,
That gratitude and fealty endears.
That gratitude and loyalty endear.
NOW marriage works we rank as an estate,
NOW marriage works we rank as an estate,
And tithe is due for that at any rate.
And a tithe is due for that, anyway.
We'll take it patiently, whate'er the toil:
We'll handle it patiently, no matter the struggle:
Nor be o'er nice about the justful spoil.
Nor be overly particular about the rightful spoils.
Our order have not, you must surely know,
Our order has not, you must surely know,
By many comforts, what we wish below.
By many comforts, what we desire below.
'TIS right, however, that I now suggest,
'TIS right, however, that I now suggest,
Whatever passes must not be expressed;
Whatever happens must not be said;
But naught to husbands, parents, friends, reveal;
But nothing to husbands, parents, or friends should be revealed;
From ev'ry one the mysterious conceal.
From everyone, keep the mystery hidden.
Three words th' apostle taught: be these your care;
Three words the apostle taught: let these be your focus;
FAITH, CHARITY, and PRUDENCE learn to share.
FAITH, CHARITY, and PRUDENCE learn to share.
THE holy father, by his fine discourse,
THE holy father, through his eloquent speech,
Delivered with the most impressive force,
Delivered with the most impressive force,
Gave wonderous satisfaction and surprise,
Gave amazing satisfaction and surprise,
And passed with all for Solomon the wise;
And was considered wise by everyone, just like Solomon.
Few slept while Andrew preached, and ev'ry wife,
Few people slept while Andrew preached, and every wife,
His precepts guarded as she would her life;
His principles were protected as fiercely as she would guard her own life;
And these not solely treasured in the mind,
And these are not just valued in the mind,
But showed to practise them the heart inclined,
But it showed that the heart was eager to practice them,
Each hastened tithe to bring without delay,
Each hurried contribution to bring without delay,
And quarrelled who should be the first to pay;
And argued over who should be the first to pay;
Loud murmurs rang, and many city dames,
Loud whispers echoed, and many ladies of the city,
Were forced to keep till morn the friar's claims,
Were forced to hold onto the friar's claims until morning,
And HOLY CHURCH, not knowing what to do,
And the HOLY CHURCH, unsure of what to do,
Such numbers seemed to be in paying cue,
Such numbers seemed to be in the right place,
At length was forced, without restraint, to say,
At last, I had to say, without holding back,
The Lord commands that, till a future day,
The Lord commands that, until a later day,
You give us time to breathe:—so large the lot,
You give us time to breathe:—the space is so vast,
To serve for present we enough have got;
To serve for now, we have enough.
Too much the whole at once, but by degrees,
Too much all at once, but little by little,
Your tithe we'll take and all contrive to please.
We'll take your tithe and do our best to make you happy.
With us arrange the hour you would be here,
With us, set the time you’ll be here,
And some to-day:—to-morrow more we'll cheer;
And some today:—tomorrow we'll cheer even more;
The whole in order, and you'll clearly see,
The whole thing in order, and you'll see clearly,
That SOFTLY with FAIRLY best agree.
That SOFTLY with FAIRLY best agree.
THE sex inclined to follow this advice;
THE sex inclined to follow this advice;
About receipts however they were not nice;
About receipts, however, they weren't nice;
The entertainment greatly was admired,
The entertainment was highly praised.
And pure devotion all their bosoms fired,
And pure devotion ignited their hearts,
A glass of cordial some apart received;
A glass of cordial was served separately;
Good cheer was given, may be well believed;
Good cheer was shared, and that can definitely be believed;
Ten youthful dames brisk friar Fripart took,
Ten young ladies lively friar Fripart took,
Gay, airy, and engaging ev'ry look,
Gay, lively, and captivating with every glance,
Who paid with pleasure all the monk could wish;
Who paid gladly for everything the monk desired;
Some had fifteen:—some twelve to taste their dish;
Some had fifteen; some had twelve to try their dish;
Good friar Rock had twenty for his share,
Good Friar Rock got twenty for his share,
And gave such satisfaction to the FAIR,
And provided such satisfaction to the FAIR,
That some, to show they never grudged the price,
That some, to prove they never minded the cost,
And proved their punctuality,—paid twice.
And proved their punctuality—paid twice.
So much indeed, that satiated with ways,
So much so, that satisfied with methods,
That six long months engaged their nights and days:
That six long months filled their nights and days:
They gladly credit would have given now,
They would happily give credit now,
But found the ladies would not this allow,
But found the ladies would not allow this,
Believing it most positively wrong,
Thinking it's definitely wrong,
To keep whate'er might to the church belong.
To keep everything that might belong to the church.
No tithe arrears were any where around,
No unpaid tithes were anywhere in sight,
So zealous were the dames in duty found,
So eager were the ladies in their duties,
They often in advance paid holy dues,
They often paid their religious dues in advance,
How pure the monks!—how just the ladies views!
How pure the monks are!—how fair the ladies' views!
The friars used despatch alone with those,
The friars only used dispatch with those,
That for their fascinating charms they chose,
That they chose for their captivating charms,
And sent the sempiternals to bestow,
And sent the eternals to grant,
The tribute they had brought on those below,
The tribute they had brought to those below,
For in the refuse tithes that were their lot,
For in the discarded tithes that were assigned to them,
The laicks oft pleasant pickings got.
The common folks often had nice opportunities to get things.
In short 'twas difficult to say,
In short, it was hard to say,
What charity was shown from day to day.
What charity was displayed every day.
IT happened that one night a married dame,
IT happened that one night a married woman,
Desirous to convey the monks their claim,
Desiring to communicate their claim to the monks,
And walking with her spouse just by the spot,
And walking with her partner right by the spot,
Where dwelled the arch contrivers of the plot,
Where the main schemers of the plot lived,
Good Heavens! said she, I well remember now,
Good heavens! she said, I remember now,
I've business with a friar here, I vow;
I've got business with a friar here, I swear;
'Twill presently be done if you'll but wait;
It will be done soon if you just wait.
Religious duties we must ne'er abate.
Religious duties we must never neglect.
What duties? cried the husband with surprise;
What responsibilities? exclaimed the husband in surprise;
You're surely mad:—'tis midnight I surmise;
You're definitely crazy: it must be midnight, I guess;
Confess yourself to-morrow if required;
Confess tomorrow if needed;
The holy fathers are to bed retired.
The holy fathers are to go to bed.
That makes no difference, the lady cried.—
That doesn't matter, the lady shouted.—
I think it does, the husband straight replied,
I think it does, the husband answered directly,
And thither I'll not let you go to-night:—
And I'm not letting you leave tonight:—
What heinous sins so terribly affright,
What horrible sins frighten so much,
That in such haste the mind you wish to ease?
That in such a hurry, is your mind seeking relief?
To-morrow morn repair whene'er you please:
To-morrow morning, come by whenever you like:
YOU do me wrong, rejoined the charming fair;
YOU do me wrong, the lovely woman replied;
I neither want confession nor a prayer,
I don't want a confession or a prayer,
But anxiously desire what is due to pay;
But eagerly want what is owed to be paid;
For if incautiously I should delay,
For if I procrastinate,
Long time 'would be ere I the monk should see,
Long before I would see the monk,
With other matters he'll so busy be.
With other matters, he'll be so busy.
But what can you the holy fathers owe?
But what do you, the holy fathers, owe?
To which the lady said:—what don't you know?
To which the lady said:—what don’t you know?
A tithe, my dear, the friars always claim.—
A tithe, my dear, the friars always say.—
What tithe? cried he; it surely has a name.
What tithe? he yelled; it definitely has a name.
Not know! astonishingly, replied the wife.—
Not know! Amazing, replied the wife.—
To which the husband answered:—On my life,
To which the husband replied:—I swear,
That women friars pay is very strange;
That women friars have to pay is really strange;
Will you particulars with me arrange?
Will you arrange the details with me?
How cunningly, said she, you seem to act;
How cleverly, she said, you seem to play your part;
Why clearly you're acquainted with the fact?
Why, of course, you know that?
'Tis Hymeneal works:—What works? cried he—
'Tis Hymeneal works:—What works? he exclaimed—
Lord! said the dame, assuredly you see,
Lord! said the woman, surely you can see,
Why I had paid an hour ago or more
Why I paid an hour ago or more
And you've prevented me when at the door;
And you've stopped me at the door;
I'm sure, of those who owe, I'm not the worst,
I'm sure that among those who owe money, I’m not the worst.
For I, in paying, always was the first.
For I was always the first to pay.
THE husband quite astonished now appeared;
THE husband now appeared, quite astonished;
At once a hundred diff'rent ills he feared;
At once, he feared a hundred different problems;
But questioning his wife howe'er, he found,
But when he questioned his wife, he found,
That many other dames who lived around,
That many other women who lived nearby,
Like her; in paying tithes, the monks obeyed,
Like her, the monks fulfilled their duty by paying tithes,
Which consolation to his breast conveyed.
Which comfort to his heart brought.
Poor innocent! she nothing wished to hide;
Poor innocent! She didn’t want to hide anything;
Said she, not one but tithe they make provide;
Said she, they make not just one but a tenth.
Good friar Aubrey takes your sister's dues;
Good Friar Aubrey collects your sister's payments;
To father Fabry Mrs. B's accrues;
To Father Fabry, Mrs. B's concerns;
The mayoress friar William likes to greet,
The mayoress Friar William enjoys to greet,
A monk more handsome scarcely you will meet;
A monk as handsome as this one is hard to find;
And I to friar Gerard always go;
And I always go to Friar Gerard;
I wished this night to pay him all I owe.
I wanted to settle all my debts with him tonight.
ALAS! when tongues unbridled drop disguise,
ALAS! when unrestrained tongues drop their disguise,
What direful ills, what discords oft arise!
What terrible problems, what conflicts often emerge!
The cunning husband having thus obtained,
The clever husband, having now achieved,
Particulars of what the fathers gained,
Particulars of what the fathers gained,
At first designed in secret to disclose,
At first secretly designed to reveal,
Those scenes of fraud and matrimonial woes:
Those scenes of deception and marital troubles:
The mayor and citizens should know, he thought;
The mayor and the residents should be aware, he thought;
What dues were paid: what tithes the friars sought;
What dues were paid: what tithes the friars asked for;
But since 'twas rather difficult to place,
But since it was quite difficult to position,
Full credence, at the first, in such a case,
Full belief, at first, in such a situation,
He judged it best to make the fellow speak,
He thought it would be best to get the guy to talk,
To whom his wife had shown herself so weak.
To whom his wife had revealed herself to be so weak.
Original
FOR father Gerard in the morn he sent,
FOR father Gerard in the morning he sent,
Who, unsuspecting, to the husband went,
Who, unaware, went to the husband,
When, in the presence of the injured wife,
When, in front of the injured wife,
He drew his sword and swore he'd take his life,
He pulled out his sword and promised he would end his life,
Unless the mystery he would disclose,
Unless the mystery he would reveal,
Which he reluctantly through terror chose.
Which he chose out of fear, even though he didn’t want to.
Then having bound the friar hand and foot,
Then, after tying up the friar's hands and feet,
And in another room his lady put,
And in another room, his lady placed,
He sallied forth his hapless lot to tell,
He boldly went out to share his unfortunate story,
And to the mayor exposed the wily spell;
And to the mayor revealed the clever trick;
The corporation next; then up and down,
The corporation next; then up and down,
The secret he divulged throughout the town.
The secret he shared all over town.
A CRY for vengeance presently was heard;
A loud call for revenge was heard;
The whole at once to slaughter, some preferred
The entire group was ready for slaughter, some preferred
While others would the place with fire surround,
While others would surround the place with fire,
And burn the house with those within it found.
And burn the house with everyone inside it.
Some wished to drown them, bound within their dress;
Some wanted to drown them, trapped in their clothing;
With various other projects you may guess;
With several other projects, you might infer;
But all agreed that death should be their lot,
But everyone agreed that death was their fate,
And those for burning had most voices got.
And those who were to be burned received the most votes.
Original
WITHOUT delay they to the convent flew;
WITHOUT delay they flew to the convent;
But when the holy mansion came in view,
But when the sacred house came into sight,
Respect, the place of execution changed;
Respect, the execution location changed;
A citizen his barn for this arranged;
A citizen arranged for his barn;
The crafty crew together were confined,
The clever team was all gathered together,
And in the blaze their wretched lives resigned,
And in the fire, they gave up their miserable lives,
While round the husbands danced at sound of drum,
While the husbands danced to the beat of the drum,
And burnt whatever to their hands had come;
And burned whatever came into their hands;
Naught 'scaped their fury, monks of all degrees,
Naught escaped their fury, monks of all ranks,
Robes, mantles, capuchins, and mock decrees:
Robes, cloaks, hoods, and fake orders:
All perished properly within the flames;
All perished completely in the flames;
But nothing more I find about the dames;
But I don't find anything more about the women;
And friar Gerard, in another place,
And Friar Gerard, in another place,
Had met apart his merited disgrace.
Had faced his rightful shame.
THE CRADLE
Original
NEAR Rome, of yore, close to the Florence road,
NEAR Rome, in the past, not far from the Florence road,
Was seen a humble innkeeper's abode;
Was seen a humble innkeeper's place;
Small sums were charged; few guests the night would stay;
Small amounts were charged; few guests would stay for the night;
And these could seldom much afford to pay.
And they could hardly afford to pay much.
A pleasing active partner had the host
A nice, engaged partner was the host.
Her age not much 'bove thirty at the most;
Her age is not much above thirty at the most;
Two children she her loving husband bore;
Two children she had with her loving husband;
The boy was one year old: the daughter more;
The boy was one year old; the girl was older.
Just fifteen summers o'er her form had smiled;
Just fifteen summers had smiled over her.
In person charming, and in temper mild.
In person, charming and laid-back.
IT happened that Pinucio, young and gay,
IT happened that Pinucio, young and cheerful,
A youth of family, oft passed the way,
A young person from a good family often walked by,
Admired the girl, and thought she might be gained,
Admired the girl and thought she could be won over,
Attentions showed, and like return obtained;
Attentions were given, and like responses were received;
The mistress was not deaf, nor lover mute;
The mistress could hear, and the lover was not silent;
Pinucio seemed the lady's taste to suit,
Pinucio seemed to fit the lady's taste.
Of pleasing person and engaging air;
Of a nice appearance and charming demeanor;
And 'mong the equals of our youthful fair,
And among the equals of our young beauty,
As yet, not one a pref'rence had received;
As of now, not a single preference had been given;
Nor had she e'er in golden dreams believed;
Nor had she ever believed in golden dreams;
But, spite of tender years, her mind was high,
But, despite her young age, she had a lofty mind,
And village lads she would not let come nigh.
And she wouldn’t allow the village guys to come close.
COLUTTA, (such her name,) though much admired;
COLUTTA, (that’s her name,) although widely admired;
And many in the place her hand desired,
And many in the place her hand wanted,
Rejected some, and others would not take,
Rejected some, and others refused to accept,
And this most clearly for Pinucio's sake.
And this is especially true for Pinucio.
Long conversations she could rarely get,
Long conversations she could rarely have,
And various obstacles the lovers met;
And the lovers faced various obstacles;
No interviews where they might be at ease,
No interviews where they could feel comfortable,
But ev'ry thing conspired to fret and teaze.
But everything conspired to annoy and irritate.
O parents, husbands! be advised by me;
O parents, husbands! take my advice;
Constraint with wives or children won't agree;
Constraint with wives or children won't work;
'Tis then the god of love exerts his art,
'Tis then the god of love uses his skill,
To find admittance to the throbbing heart.
To gain entry to the beating core.
PINUCIO and a friend, one stormy night,
PINUCIO and a friend, one stormy night,
The landlord's reached and would in haste alight;
The landlord arrived and quickly got out;
They asked for beds, but were too late they found:
They asked for beds, but they found out they were too late:
You know, sir, cried the host, we don't abound;
You know, sir, shouted the host, we don't have an abundance;
And now the very garrets we have let:
And now the very attics we've rented:
You'd better elsewhere try your wish to get,
You'd better try to get your wish somewhere else,
And spite of weather, further on pursue
And despite the weather, keep going further on.
At best, our lodging is unfit for you.
At best, our place to stay is not suitable for you.
HAVE you no truckle bed? the lover cried;
HAVE you no trundle bed? the lover cried;
No corner left?—we fain would here abide:
No corner left?—we would gladly stay here:
Why, truly, said the host, we always keep
Why, really, said the host, we always keep
Two beds within the chamber where we sleep;
Two beds in the room where we sleep;
My wife and I, of course, take one of these;
My wife and I, of course, take one of these;
Together lie in t'other if you please.
Together lie in the other if you please.
The spark replied, this we will gladly do;
The spark responded, "We will gladly do this."
Come, supper get; that o'er, the friends withdrew:
Come, let's eat dinner; after that, the friends left:
Pinucio, by Coletta's sage advice,
Pinucio, thanks to Coletta's advice,
In looking o'er the room was very nice;
In looking around the room, it was very nice;
With eagle-eyes particulars he traced,
With sharp focus, he traced,
Then 'tween the clothes himself and friend he placed.
Then he placed himself between the clothes and his friend.
A camp-bed for the girl was on the floor;
A camp bed for the girl was on the floor;
The landlord's, 'gainst the wall and next the door;
The landlord's, against the wall and next to the door;
Another opposite the last was set,
Another one opposite the last was set,
And this, to guests, at certain times was let;
And this was rented out to guests at certain times;
And 'tween the two, but near the parents' best,
And between the two, but close to the parents' choice,
A cradle for the child to rest its head,
A crib for the baby to rest its head,
From which a pleasant accident arrived,
From which a nice surprise came,
That our gallant's young friend of rest deprived.
That our brave young friend is restless.
WHEN midnight came, and this gay spark supposed
WHEN midnight came, and this lively spark thought
The host and hostess' eyes in sleep were closed,
The host and hostess's eyes were closed in sleep,
Convinced the time appointed was at hand,
Convinced that the scheduled time was near,
To put in execution what was planned,
To carry out what was planned,
He to the camp-bed silently repaired,
He quietly went to the camp bed,
And found the belle by Morpheus not insnared;
And found the beauty by Morpheus not trapped;
Coletta taught a play that mortals find
Coletta taught a play that people find
Fatigues the body more than plagues the mind:
Fatigues the body more than it troubles the mind:
A truce succeeded, but 'twas quickly o'er:
A truce was established, but it ended quickly:
Those rest not long who pilfer Cupid's store.
Those who steal from Cupid's stash don't rest for long.
AGAIN, when to the room the hostess came,
AGAIN, when the hostess entered the room,
And found the cradle rested not the same,
And found the cradle didn't rest the same,
Good heav'ns! cried she, it joins my husband's head:
Good heavens! she exclaimed, it matches my husband's head:
And, but for that, I truly had been led
And, except for that, I really had been led
To lay myself unthinkingly beside
To lie down thoughtlessly beside
The strangers whom with lodging we provide;
The strangers we give a place to stay;
But, God be praised, this cradle shows the place
But, thank God, this cradle shows the place
Where my good husband's pillow I must trace.
Where I have to find my husband's pillow.
This said, she with the friend was quickly laid,
This said, she quickly ended up with her friend,
Without suspecting what mistake she'd made.
Without realizing what mistake she'd made.
BETWEEN the lovers all was blithe and gay,
BETWEEN the lovers, everything was cheerful and lighthearted,
When suddenly the friend, though far from day,
When suddenly the friend, though far from day,
Was forced to rise ('twas plain a pressing case,)
Was forced to get up (it was clear it was urgent,)
And move the infant's cradle from its place,
And move the baby's crib from its spot,
To ope the door, and lest he noise might make,
To open the door, and so that he wouldn't make any noise,
Or any way by chance the child should wake,
Or if by chance the child wakes,
He set it carefully beside his bed,
He placed it carefully next to his bed,
And (softly treading) to the garden sped.
And she quietly made her way to the garden.
ON his return he passed the cradle by;
ON his return he walked past the cradle;
To place it as before he would not try,
To put it back the way it was, he wouldn't attempt it,
But went to sleep; when presently a sound,
But went to sleep; when suddenly a sound,
From something that had tumbled, rang around,
From something that had fallen, echoed around,
Awoke his wife, who ran below,
Awoke his wife, who rushed downstairs,
That what had happened she might clearly know.
That she might clearly understand what had happened.
No fool in such adventures was our Wight:
No one could call our Wight a fool in these kinds of adventures:
The opportunity he would not slight,
The chance he wouldn’t miss,
But played the husband well: no, no, I'm wrong;
But the husband played his part well: no, no, I’m mistaken;
He played it ill:—too oft, too much, too long;
He played it badly:—too often, too much, too long;
For whosoe'er would wish to do it well,
For anyone who wants to do it well,
Should softly go:—the gentle most excel.
Should go softly: the gentle excel.
IN truth, the wife was quite surprised to find
IN truth, the wife was quite surprised to find
Her spouse so much to frolicking inclined;
Her spouse was so inclined to frolicking;
Said she, what ails the man, he's grown so gay?
Said she, what's wrong with him? He's acting so happy.
A lad of twenty's not more fond of play.
A twenty-year-old guy isn't any more into games.
Well! let's enjoy the moments while we can;
Well! Let's enjoy the moments while we can;
God's will be done, since life is but a span!
God's will be done, since life is just a brief moment!
THE words were scarcely said, when our gallant
THE words were barely spoken when our brave
Renewed his fun, and nothing seemed to want;
Renewed his enjoyment, and nothing seemed to be lacking;
Indeed, the hostess still her charms possessed,
Indeed, the hostess still had her charms.
And, on occasion, well might be caressed.
And, sometimes, it could be touched gently.
MEANWHILE Coletta, dreading a surprise,
MEANWHILE Coletta, fearing a surprise,
Prevailed upon her paramour to rise;
Prevailed upon her lover to get up;
'Twas nearly break of day when he withdrew,
'Twas almost dawn when he left,
But, groping to his place the way anew,
But, feeling his way back to his spot again,
Pinucio, by the cradle too, was led
Pinucio, by the cradle too, was led
To miss his friend's and take the landlord's bed.
To skip out on his friend and take the landlord's bed.
No sooner in than with an under voice,
No sooner in than in a low voice,
(Intriguers oft too eagerly rejoice,)
(Intriguers often rejoice too eagerly,)
Said he, my friend, I wish I could relate
Said he, my friend, I wish I could share
The pleasure I've received; my bliss is great;
The joy I've experienced; my happiness is immense;
To you, I'm sorry, Fortune proves so cold;
To you, I'm sorry, luck seems so unforgiving;
Like happiness I'd fain in you behold;
Like happiness, I would gladly see in you;
Coletta is a morsel for a king;
Coletta is a treat fit for a king;
Inestimable girl!—to me she'll cling.
Priceless girl!—she'll cling to me.
I've many seen, but such a charming fair,
I've seen many, but such a charming festival,
There's not another like her any where.
There's no one else like her anywhere.
WITH softest skin, delightful form and mien;
WITH the softest skin, a delightful shape, and appearance;
Her ev'ry act resembles BEAUTY's queen;
Her every move is like that of the queen of beauty;
In short, before we'd ended with our fun,
In short, before we finished having our fun,
Six posts (without a fiction) we had run.
Six posts (without a fiction) we had published.
The host was struck with what the spark averred,
The host was hit with what the spark claimed,
And muttered something indistinctly heard.
And muttered something unclear.
THE hostess whispered HIM she thought her spouse:—
THE hostess whispered to HIM that she thought her spouse:—
Again, my dear, such sparks let's never house;
Again, my dear, let's never let such sparks take root.
Pray don't you hear how they together chat?—
Pray don't you hear how they're chatting together?—
Just then the husband raised himself and sat;
Just then, the husband lifted himself up and sat down;
Is this your plan? said he with mighty rage;
Is this your plan? he said, filled with intense anger;
Was it for THIS you would my house engage?
Was it for THIS you would get involved with my house?
You understand me, but I'll seek redress;
You get me, but I’ll go after justice;
Think you so very cheap to have success?
Think you’re so cheap to achieve success?
What, would you ruin families at will,
What, would you break up families whenever you want,
And with our daughters take at ease your fill?
And with our daughters, will you enjoy yourself?
Away, I say! my house this moment quit;
Away, I say! Leave my house at this moment;
And as for You, abominable chit,
And as for you, awful little brat,
I'll have your life: this hour you breathe your last;
I'll take your life: this hour, you will take your last breath;
Such creatures only can with beasts be classed.
Such creatures can only be classified with animals.
PINUCIO heard the lecture with dismay,
PINUCIO listened to the lecture with sadness,
At once was mute, and grew as cold as clay;
At once was silent, and became as cold as clay;
A moment's silence through the room prevailed;
A moment of silence filled the room;
Coletta trembled, and her lot bewailed.
Coletta shook, and her situation was lamented.
The hostess now, on ev'ry side perceived
The hostess now, on every side, noticed
Her peril great, and for the error grieved.
Her danger was significant, and she felt regret for the mistake.
The friend, howe'er, the cradle called to mind,
The friend, however, reminded him of the cradle,
Which caused the many ills we've seen combined,
Which caused all the problems we've seen together,
And instantly he cried:—Pinucio! strange
And instantly he cried:—Pinucio! how odd
You thus allow yourself about to range;
You therefore give yourself the freedom to explore;
Did I not tell you when the wine you took,
Did I not tell you when you took the wine,
'Twould make many sad misfortunes hook?
'Twould make many sad misfortunes hook?
Whene'er you freely drink, 'tis known fall well,
Whenever you freely drink, it's well known,
Your sleep's disturbed, you walk, and nonsense tell.
Your sleep is interrupted, you walk, and you speak nonsense.
Come, come to bed: the morning soon will peep;
Come on, let's go to bed: morning will be here soon;
Pinucio took the hint, pretended sleep,
Pinucio took the hint and pretended to be asleep,
And carried on so artfully the wile,
And expertly kept the trick going,
The husband no suspicion had of guile.
The husband had no suspicion of deceit.
The stratagem our hostess likewise tried,
The plan our host also tried,
And to her daughter's bed in silence hied,
And silently went to her daughter's bed,
Where she conceived her fortress was so strong,
Where she built her fortress was so strong,
She presently began to use her tongue,
She started to use her tongue,
And cried aloud:—Impossible the fact;
And cried out:—Impossible the fact;
Such things he could not with Coletta act;
Such things he couldn't do with Coletta;
I've with her been in bed throughout the night,
I've been in bed with her all night.
And she, no more than I, has swerved from right;
And she, just like me, has strayed from what’s right;
'Twere mighty pretty, truly, here to come;
'Twas really nice to come here;
At this the host a little while was dumb;
At this, the host was silent for a moment;
But in a lower tone at length replied
But after a while, replied in a softer voice
I nought with your account I'm satisfied.
I'm happy with your account.
THE party rose; the titter circled round;
THE party got up; the giggles went around;
And each sufficient reason for it found;
And every good reason for it was discovered;
The whole was secret, and whoe'er had gained,
The whole thing was a secret, and whoever had gained,
With care upon the subject mute remained.
With care, the subject stayed silent.
ST. JULIAN'S PRAYER
Original
TO charms and philters, secret spells and prayers,
To charms and potions, hidden spells and prayers,
How many round attribute all their cares!
How many times do they focus on all their worries!
In these howe'er I never can believe,
In these, however, I can never believe,
And laugh at follies that so much deceive.
And laugh at the foolishness that tricks so many.
Yet with the beauteous FAIR, 'tis very true,
Yet with the beautiful girl, it's very true,
These WORDS, as SACRED VIRTUES, oft they view;
These words, seen as sacred virtues, are often regarded;
The spell and philter wonders work in love
The magic and potion do amazing things for love
Hearts melt with charms supposed from pow'rs above!
Hearts melt with charms thought to come from heavenly powers!
MY aim is now to have recourse to these,
MY aim is now to turn to these,
And give a story that I trust will please,
And share a story that I hope will delight,
In which Saint Julian's prayer, to Reynold D'Ast,
In which Saint Julian's prayer, to Reynold D'Ast,
Produced a benefit, good fortune classed.
Produced a benefit, good fortune categorized.
Had he neglected to repeat the charm,
Had he forgotten to repeat the charm,
Believed so thoroughly to guard from harm,
Believed so completely to protect from danger,
He would have found his cash accounts not right,
He would have found his cash accounts to be incorrect,
And passed assuredly a wretched night.
And definitely had a rough night.
ONE day, to William's castle as he moved.
ONE day, as William was on his way to the castle.
Three men, whose looks he very much approved,
Three men, whose appearances he really liked,
And thought such honest fellows he had round,
And he thought he had such honest guys around,
Their like could nowhere be discovered round;
Their kind could be found nowhere else.
Without suspecting any thing was wrong,
Without realizing anything was wrong,
The three, with complaisance and fluent tongue,
The three, with kindness and smooth speech,
Saluted him in humble servile style,
Saluted him in a humble, submissive manner,
And asked, (the minutes better to beguile,)
And asked, (to pass the time more easily,)
If they might bear him company the way;
If they could accompany him on the way;
The honour would be great, and no delay;
The honor would be immense, and there would be no delay;
Besides, in travelling 'tis safer found,
Plus, it’s safer when traveling,
And far more pleasant, when the party's round;
And so much more enjoyable when everyone's together;
So many robbers through the province range,
So many thieves roam through the province,
(Continued they) 'tis wonderfully strange,
it's wonderfully strange,
The prince should not these villains more restrain;
The prince shouldn't hold back these villains any longer;
But there:—bad MEN will somewhere still remain.
But there:—bad men will still exist somewhere.
TO their proposal Reynold soon agreed,
TO their proposal Reynold soon agreed,
And they resolved together to proceed.
And they decided together to go ahead.
When 'bout a league the travellers had moved,
When the travelers had moved about a league,
Discussing freely, as they all approved,
Discussing openly, as they all agreed,
The conversation turned on spells and prayer,
The conversation shifted to spells and prayer,
Their pow'r o'er worms of earth, or birds of air;
Their power over the worms of the earth or the birds of the air;
To charm the wolf, or guard from thunder's roar,
To enchant the wolf or protect from the thunder's roar,
And many wonderful achievements more;
And many more wonderful achievements;
Besides the cures a prayer would oft produce;
Besides the healing a prayer would often bring;
To man and beast it proves of sov'reign use,
To humans and animals, it is extremely valuable,
Far greater than from doctors e'er you'll view,
Far greater than anything you'll ever see from doctors,
Who, with their Latin, make so much ado.
Who makes such a big deal with their Latin.
IN turn, the three pretended knowledge great,
IN turn, the three pretended to have great knowledge,
And mystick facts affected to relate,
And mysterious facts pretended to tell,
While Reynold silently attention paid
While Reynold silently paid attention
To all the words the honest fellows said:—
To everything the honest guys said:—
Possess you not, said one, some secret prayer
"Don't you have some secret prayer?" said one.
To bring you aid, when dangers round you stare?
To help you when danger is all around?
To this our Reynold seriously replied,
Reynold replied seriously,
Myself, on secret spells, I do not pride;
Myself, I don't take pride in secret spells;
But still some WORDS I have that I repeat,
But I still have some WORDS that I repeat,
Each morn I travel, that I may not meet
Each morning I travel, so I won't meet
A horrid lodging where I stop at night;
A terrible place where I stay at night;
'Tis called SAINT JULIAN'S PRAYER that I recite,
'Tis called SAINT JULIAN'S PRAYER that I recite,
And truly I have found, that when I fail
And honestly, I've discovered that when I fail
To say this prayer, I've reason to bewail.
To say this prayer, I have a reason to mourn.
But rarely I neglect so good a thing,
But I rarely overlook something so good,
That ills averts, and may such blessings bring.
That prevents misfortunes, and may it bring many blessings.
And have you clearly said it, sir, to day?
And have you clearly said it, sir, today?
Cried one of those he met upon his way.
Cried one of the people he encountered along his way.
Yes, Reynold answered. Well, replied the Wight;
Yes, Reynold replied. "Alright," said the Wight;
I'll wage, I'm better lodged than you to-night.
I'll bet I'm better settled than you tonight.
'TWAS very cold, and darkness 'gan to peep;
'Twas very cold, and darkness began to creep;
The place was distant yet, where they might sleep.
The place was far away, but it was somewhere they could rest.
Perhaps, said Reynold, 'tis your usual care,
Perhaps, said Reynold, it’s your usual concern,
In travelling, to say, like me, this prayer.
In traveling, say this prayer, like I do.
Not so, the other cried, to you I vow,
Not so, the other replied, I promise you,
Invoking saints is not my practice now;
Invoking saints isn't something I do anymore;
But should I lose, thenceforth I'll them address.—
But if I lose, then I'll direct them from there.
Said Reynold, readily I acquiesce;
Said Reynold, I agree readily;
My life I'd venture, should you to an inn,
My life, I would dare to say, if you went to an inn,
For, in the town, I've neither friend nor kin,
For in this town, I have neither friends nor family,
And, if you like, we'll this exception make.
And, if you'd like, we'll make this exception.
The other answered: Well, the bet I'll take;
The other replied, "Alright, I'll accept the bet;"
Your horse and coat against my purse you wage,
Your horse and coat against my money you bet,
And, sure of gaining, readily engage.
And, confident of winning, gladly participate.
Our Wight might then have thoroughly perceived,
Our Wight might have then completely understood,
His horse was lost—no chance to be relieved.
His horse was gone—no way to get it back.
BESIDE a wood, as on the party moved,
BESIDE a forest, as the group moved,
The one, who betting had so much approved,
The one who was so much in favor of betting,
Now changed his tone, and in a surly way,
Now he changed his tone and spoke in a grumpy way,
Exclaimed:—Alight—you'll find it time to pray;
Exclaimed:—Alright—you'll see it's time to pray;
Let me apprize you, distant is the place,
Let me inform you, the place is far away,
And much you'll need Saint Julian's special grace.
And you'll really need Saint Julian's special grace.
Come off, I tell you:—instantly they took
Come on, I'm telling you:—right away they took
His purse, horse, clothes, and all their hands could hook
His wallet, horse, clothes, and everything they could grab
E'en seized his boots, and said with subtle sneer,
E'en grabbed his boots and said with a sly smirk,
Your feet, by walking, won't the worse appear;
Your feet, from walking, won't look worse;
Then sought a diff'rent road by rapid flight,
Then took a different path in a hurry,
And, presently the knaves were out of sight;
And soon the tricksters were out of sight;
While Reynold still with stockings, drawers, and shirt,
While Reynold was still in his stockings, drawers, and shirt,
But wet to skin, and covered o'er with dirt:
But soaked to the skin and covered in dirt:
(The wind north-east in front—as cold as clay;)
(The wind from the northeast ahead—chilly like clay;)
In doleful dumps proceeded on his way,
In a gloomy mood, he continued on his way,
And justly feared, that spite of faith and prayer,
And justly feared, that despite faith and prayer,
He now should meet, at night, with wretched fare.
He should now meet at night with miserable food.
HOWEVER, some pleasing hopes he still had yet,
HOWEVER, he still had some hopeful thoughts,
That, from his cloak-bag, he some clothes might get;
That he might get some clothes from his cloak-bag;
For, we should note, a servant he had brought,
For we should note that he brought a servant,
Who in the neighbourhood a farrier sought.
Who in the neighborhood a blacksmith sought.
To set a shoe upon his horse, and then
To put a shoe on his horse, and then
Should join his master on the road agen;
Should join his master on the road again;
But that, as we shall find, was not the case,
But that, as we will see, was not the case,
And Reynold's dire misfortune thence we trace.
And we see Reynold's terrible misfortune from that point on.
In fact, the fellow, worthless we'll suppose,
In fact, let's assume the guy is useless,
Had viewed from far what accidents arose,
Had seen from a distance what accidents happened,
Then turned aside, his safety to secure,
Then he turned aside to ensure his safety,
And left his master dangers to endure;
And left his master to face the dangers;
So steadily be kept upon the trot,
So keep moving forward,
To Castle-William, ere 'twas night, he got,
To Castle-William, before nightfall, he arrived,
And took the inn which had the most renown;
And chose the inn that was the most famous;
For fare and furniture within the town,
For food and furniture in the town,
There waited Reynold's coming at his ease,
There, Reynold waited for his arrival comfortably,
With fire and cheer that could not fail to please.
With warmth and joy that was sure to delight.
His master, up to neck in dirt and wet,
His master, covered in mud and soaked,
Had num'rous difficulties o'er to get;
Faced many challenges to overcome;
And when the snow, in flakes obscured the air,
And when the snowflakes filled the air,
With piercing cold and winds, he felt despair;
With biting cold and strong winds, he felt hopeless;
Such ills he bore, that hanging might be thought
Such burdens he carried that you might think hanging would be the solution.
A bed of roses rather to be sought.
A bed of roses is definitely something to seek out.
CHANCE so arranges ev'ry thing around
Chance arranges everything around.
ALL good, or ALL that's bad is solely found;
ALL good, or ALL that's bad is found only here;
When favours flow the numbers are so great,
When favors come in, the quantities are overwhelming,
That ev'ry wish upon us seems to wait;
That every wish we make seems to hang in the air;
But, if disposed, misfortunes to bestow;
But if you're inclined, misfortunes may come your way;
No ills forgot: each poignant pang we know.
No pain is forgotten: each sharp ache we feel.
In proof, attend my friends, this very night,
In proof, listen up my friends, tonight,
The sad adventures that befell our wight,
The unfortunate experiences that happened to our guy,
Who, Castle-William did not reach till late,
Who, Castle-William didn't get to until late,
When they, an hour or more, had shut the gate.
When they had closed the gate for an hour or more.
AT length our traveller approached the wall,
AT last our traveler approached the wall,
And, somehow to the foot contrived to crawl;
And, somehow managed to crawl to the foot;
A roofed projection fortune led him near,
A covered structure drew him close,
That joined a house, and 'gan his heart to cheer.
That joined a house and began to feel happier.
Delighted with the change he now had got,
Delighted with the change he had now experienced,
He placed himself upon the sheltered spot;
He positioned himself in the sheltered spot;
A lucky hit but seldom comes alone;
A lucky break rarely happens on its own;
Some straw, by chance, was near the mansion thrown,
Some straw happened to be scattered near the mansion,
Which Reynold 'neath the jutting penthouse placed
Which Reynold under the protruding penthouse placed
There, God be praised, cried he, a bed I've traced.
There, thank God, he shouted, I've found a bed.
MEANWHILE, the storm from ev'ry quarter pressed;
MEANWHILE, the storm from every direction pressed;
Our traveller was soon to death distressed;
Our traveler was soon distressed about death;
With cold benumbed; by fell despair o'erspread;
With cold frozen; covered by deep despair;
He trembled, groaned:—teeth chattered in his head;
He shook and groaned—his teeth chattered in his head;
So loud his plaints, at length they reached the ear
So loud were his complaints that, eventually, they reached the ear
Of one who dwelled within the mansion near:
Of someone who lived in the mansion nearby:
A servant girl; her mistress brisk and gay:
A maid; her boss lively and cheerful:
A youthful widow, charming as the day;
A young widow, as charming as ever;
The governor she privately received:
The governor she met privately:
A noble marquis, who her cares relieved.
A noble marquis who helped
Oft interrupted when he sought the fair,
Oft interrupted when he sought the fair,
And wished at ease her company to share;
And hoped to enjoy her company comfortably;
Desirous too of passing quite unknown,
Wanting to stay under the radar,
A private door he presently was shown,
A private door was quickly opened for him,
That opened to the fields, and gave access:
That opened to the fields and provided access:
Through this he visited with such address,
Through this, he visited with such skill,
That none within the town his commerce viewed,
That no one in the town looked at his business,
Nor e'en a servant's eye his course pursued.
Nor even a servant's eye followed his path.
Surprise I feel, since pleasures of the mind,
Surprise I feel, since pleasures of the mind,
Apparently were not for lords designed;
Apparently, they weren't meant for lords;
More pleased they seem when made the talk around
More pleased they seem when the conversation is focused on them.
And soft amours divulged, delights are found.
And gentle loves revealed, happiness is discovered.
IT happened that the night our Job arrived,
IT happened that the night our Job arrived,
And, stretched on straw, misfortune just survived,
And, lying on straw, hardship just managed to get by,
The lady thought her fond gallant to see,
The lady thought her beloved suitor to see,
And ev'ry moment hoped with him to be.
And every moment I hoped to be with him.
The supper ready, and the room prepared,
The dinner is ready, and the room is set,
Each rarity was served: no trouble spared;
Each rarity was provided: no effort spared;
Baths, perfumes, wines, most exquisite, in place,
Baths, perfumes, and the finest wines, all in their proper place,
And ev'ry thing around displaying grace,
And everything around exudes elegance,
With Cupid's whole artillery in view,
With Cupid's entire arsenal in sight,
Not his, who would with sighs alone pursue,
Not his, who would just chase after with sighs alone,
But that kind god who always favour shows,
But that kind God who always shows favor,
The source of happiness, whence pleasure flows.
The source of happiness, where pleasure comes from.
MEANWHILE, however, while thus the lady sought.
MEANWHILE, though, while the lady searched.
By ev'ry charm to please, a note was brought;
By every charm to please, a message was delivered;
A page conveyed it, by the marquis sent,
A page delivered it, sent by the marquis,
To say his coming business would prevent.
To say his upcoming business would stop.
The disappointment doubtless was severe,
The disappointment was definitely harsh,
But consolation certainly was near;
But comfort was definitely close;
It proved to Reynold wonderfully kind,
It turned out to be incredibly kind of Reynold,
For scarcely had our traveller resigned,
For hardly had our traveler given up,
And groaned aloud, but, tender as her dame,
And groaned out loud, but, gentle like her mother,
In haste the confidential servant came,
In a hurry, the trusted servant arrived,
And to the widow said:—I hear below
And to the widow said:—I hear below
Some poor unfortunate o'ercome with woe;
Some poor unfortunate overwhelmed with sorrow;
'Tis piercing cold, and he perhaps will die
'Tis freezing cold, and he might die.
Some place, pray grant, where he to-night may lie.
Somewhere, please allow him to rest tonight.
MOST readily, replied the courteous fair,
MOST readily, replied the courteous lady,
We never use the garret:—lodge him there;
We never use the attic:—put him there;
Some straw upon a couch will make a bed,
Some straw on a couch will make a bed,
On which the wand'rer may repose his head;
On which the wanderer can rest his head;
Shut well the door, but first provide some meat,
Shut the door tightly, but first make sure to get some meat,
And then permit him thither to retreat.
And then let him go there to retreat.
WITHOUT this timely help 'twas clear our wight
WITHOUT this timely help it was clear our weight
Had ne'er survived the horrors of the night;
Had never survived the horrors of the night;
The door was ope'd, and Reynold blessed the hand
The door was opened, and Reynold blessed the hand
That gave relief, and stopt life's ebbing sand.
That provided relief and stopped the flow of time.
His tale he told; got spirits, strength, and ease;
His story he shared; gained energy, power, and comfort;
In person tall, well made, and formed to please,
In person, tall, well-built, and attractive,
He looked not like a novice in amour,
He didn’t look like a newbie in love,
Though young, and seeking shelter at a door.
Though young and looking for shelter at a door.
His want of dress and miserable state
His lack of clothing and poor condition
Raised shame indeed, and showed distress was great.
Raised shame indeed, and it showed that the distress was significant.
Though LOVE be seen in Nature's pure array,
Though love can be seen in nature’s true beauty,
No dirt appears, however you survey.
No dirt shows up, no matter how you look.
THIS servant girl now hastened to the fair,
THIS servant girl now hurried to the fair,
And ev'ry circumstance detailed with care.
And every situation described in detail.
See, said the lady, if within the press
See, said the lady, if within the press
There be not clothes to furnish him a dress;
There are no clothes to give him a outfit;
My husband, now no more, must some have left;
My husband, who is no longer here, must have left some things;
Yes, said the girl, you're not of them bereft,
Yes, said the girl, you’re not one of those who are left without.
I recollect his wardrobe did abound;
I remember his wardrobe was filled with stuff;
And presently a handsome suit she found.
And soon she found a nice suit.
MEANWHILE the lady having learned the name
MEANWHILE, the lady having learned the name
Of Reynold D'Ast, his quality and fame,
Of Reynold D'Ast, his quality and fame,
(Himself it seems particulars detailed,
It seems he detailed particulars.
While all around his suff'rings keen bewailed,)
While everyone around him mourned his intense suffering,
Her orders gave, the bath for her prepared
Her orders were given, and the bath was prepared for her.
Should now receive the man her care had spared.
Should now accept the man her care had saved.
Unasked, the stranger this attention got,
Uninvited, the stranger received this attention,
And well perfumed ere clothes they would allot.
And well scented before they would assign clothes.
When dressed, he waited on the widow fair,
When he was dressed, he waited for the beautiful widow,
And paid his compliments with graceful air.
And offered his compliments with a charming demeanor.
THE supper (for the marquis first designed)
THE dinner (that the marquis originally planned)
At length was served with taste the most refined.
At last, we were served food that was incredibly refined in flavor.
Our trav'ller glad, an appetite displayed;
Our traveler is happy, showing an appetite;
The lady carefully her guest surveyed,
The lady carefully looked over her guest,
And anxious seemed to gratify his wish,
And he seemed anxious to fulfill his wish,
By helping what appeared his favourite dish.
By assisting with what seemed to be his favorite dish.
Already, perhaps, she felt a Cupid's dart,
Already, maybe, she felt Cupid's arrow,
And in her throbbing bosom knew the smart;
And in her pounding chest felt the pain;
Or sympathy, or pity for his woes,
Or sympathy, or pity for his problems,
Might touch the spring whence softest passion flows.
Might touch the source from which the gentlest emotions flow.
On ev'ry side assailed the youthful dame
On every side, the young woman was attacked.
Herself surrendered unto Cupid's flame.
She surrendered to Cupid's flame.
Should I give way, said she, who'll tell the tale?
Should I step aside, she said, who will share the story?
No risk is run if secrecy prevail.
No risk is taken if secrecy is maintained.
The marquis merits to be played the trick;
The marquis deserves to be tricked;
He no excuse can have, unless he's sick.
He can’t have any excuse unless he’s sick.
One sin against another I may weigh,
One sin against another I may weigh,
And man for man will equally repay.
And each person will pay back equally.
SO inexperienced Reynold was not found,
SO inexperienced Reynold was not found,
But that he saw how things were going round,
But he saw how things were unfolding,
And, that Saint Julian's Prayer would yet succeed,
And that Saint Julian's Prayer would still be successful,
To give him all the lodging he might need.
To provide him with all the accommodations he might need.
THE supper o'er, our couple left alone,
THE supper over, our couple was left alone,
What fairer field could truly have been shown?
What fairer field could really have been shown?
The belle now wore a smart becoming dress,
The beautiful woman was now wearing a stylish, flattering dress,
Designed, in ev'ry view, to prepossess.
Designed, in every aspect, to impress.
'Twas NEGLIGENCE, so requisite to please
'Twas negligence, so necessary to please
And fascinate, with airy, careless ease,
And captivate, with light, effortless charm,
According to the taste which I pursue,
According to the taste I'm after,
That made her charms so exquisite to view.
That made her beauty so wonderful to see.
No gaudy tinsel: all was flowing light;
No flashy decorations: everything was bathed in soft light;
Though not superb, yet pleasing to the sight;
Though not amazing, still pleasing to the eye;
A neckerchief, where much should be concealed,
A neckerchief, which should hide a lot,
Was made so narrow,—beauties half revealed;
Was made so narrow—beauties partially revealed;
Beneath is shade—what words can ne'er express;
Beneath is shade—what words can never capture;
And Reynold saw enough the rest to guess.
And Reynold saw enough of the rest to figure it out.
No more I say; the belle indeed was fair,
No more, I say; the beauty truly was lovely,
Possessed of youth and all engaging air;
Possessing youth and a captivating presence;
Tall, nicely formed; each grace, that hearts could win;
Tall and well-shaped; every charm that could capture hearts;
Not much of fat, nor yet appeared too thin.
Not too fat, but also not too thin.
Emotion, at the view, who would not feel?
Emotion, at the sight, who wouldn't feel?
To soft delight what bosom proves of steel?
To what soft pleasure does a heart of steel yield?
No marble bust, philosopher, nor stone,
No marble bust, philosopher, or stone,
But similar sensation would have shown.
But a similar feeling would have been apparent.
Original
THE silence first was broken by the dame;
THE silence was first broken by the woman;
Who spoke so freely, Reynold bolder came.
Who spoke so openly, Reynold boldly approached.
He knew not well, howe'er, discourse to find;
He didn't quite know how to start a conversation;
To help him out the widow was inclined;
To offer him assistance, the widow was willing;
Said she, you much remind me of a friend,
Said she, you really remind me of a friend,
Whose ev'ry wish I sought with mine to blend
Whose every wish I tried to match with mine
My husband (rest his soul!) had just those eyes,
My husband (may he rest in peace!) had exactly those eyes,
That look, air, mouth:—the very height and size:
That look, vibe, expression:—the ultimate height and size:
You greatly honour me, the spark replied:
You really honor me, the spark replied:
Your charms howe'er might well have been his pride;
Your charms could have easily been his pride;
I ne'er beheld such soft engaging mien:
I have never seen such a gentle and captivating expression:
On earth, like beauty never yet was seen.
On Earth, a beauty like this has never been seen before.
But, in extremes to be, appears my lot;
But it seems my fate is to face extremes;
Just now I felt quite chilled:—at present hot;
Just now I felt really cold:—right now I'm hot;
Pray tell me which is best? The fair looked down,
Pray tell me which is best? The fair looked down,
And humbly seemed to wave the proffered crown,
And modestly appeared to decline the offered crown,
That she might still more flattery receive
That she might receive even more compliments
Address not small, if we'll our eyes believe.
Address not small, if we'll believe our eyes.
The swain now praised each charm within his view,
The young man now admired every charm in front of him,
And whatsoe'er his wishes could pursue;
And whatever his wishes could chase;
Where hope was strong, and expectation high,
Where hope was strong and expectations were high,
She would not long be cruel and deny.
She wouldn’t be cruel and deny for long.
To give the praise, your due, the lover cried,
To give you the praise you deserve, the lover exclaimed,
And note the beauties that my heart divide,
And notice the beauties that split my heart,
'Twould take an age, and I've a single night,
'It would take forever, and I have just one night,
Which surely might be passed with more delight.
Which could definitely be experienced with more enjoyment.
The widow smiled; enough it seems was said;
The widow smiled; it seems enough was said;
And Reynold shortened—what to nothing led.
And Reynold shortened—what ended up being nothing.
In war or love, time equally is dear;
In both war and love, time is equally valuable;
More happy than our spark none could appear;
More happy than our spark, none could seem;
No point but what he gained; the smiling dame
No point but what he gained; the smiling lady
Resistance only showed to raise the flame;
Resistance only seemed to fuel the fire;
Nor more nor less; each belle like art has got,
Nor more nor less; each beauty, like art, has received,
And practises at will, or maid or not.
And practices whenever she wants, whether she's a maid or not.
BUT truly, it was never my intent
BUT truly, it was never my intent
To count each favour she to Reynold lent;
To keep track of every favor she gave to Reynold;
Particulars exact of ev'ry kiss,
Details of every kiss,
And all the preludes incident to bliss;
And all the things leading up to happiness;
Both, doubtless, knew more ways than one to please;
Both definitely knew more than one way to please;
And sought, with anxious care, love's charms to seize.
And carefully tried to capture love's charms.
On recollection of the wretched state
On reflecting on the tough situation
In which our traveller had moved of late,
In which our traveler had been moving lately,
Some favour was bestowed:—there, cried the dame,
Some favor was given:—there, shouted the woman,
Is something to repay the road you came;
Is there something to repay the journey you took;
This for the cold; that fear; there thieves disgraced;
This is for the cold; that fear; there are disgraced thieves;
So, one by one, the whole was soon effaced.
So, one by one, everything was quickly erased.
In this way to be paid for ills we meet,
In this way, we'll be compensated for the troubles we face,
Who'd not be satisfied with boons so sweet?
Who wouldn't be happy with such sweet gifts?
And we conclude, that Reynold on the spot,
And we conclude that Reynold right there,
Love's am'rous recompense of pleasures got.
Love's affectionate reward of pleasures gained.
Now easy conversation was renewed;
Now easy conversation resumed;
Then mutual kisses; ev'ry sweet pursued.
Then they kissed each other; every sweetness followed.
'Twas time for bed; howe'er, the widow fair
'Twas time for bed; however, the beautiful widow
Determined that her own the spark should share;
Determined that her own spark should be shared;
'Twas prudent, doubtless; like a lady wise;
'Twas smart, no doubt; like a clever lady;
Gallantly done: one room would well suffice.
Gallantly done: one room would be more than enough.
Original
WHAT further passed betwixt the pair that night;
WHAT further happened between the two that night;
I cannot say, though we'll believe 'twas right;
I can't say for sure, but we'll believe it was right;
Between the clothes when laid, and unrestrained,
Between the clothes when laid out, and free,
Most clearly, Reynold all his wishes gained.
Most clearly, Reynold got all his wishes fulfilled.
There he was recompensed for ev'ry grief;
There he was rewarded for every sorrow;
The lady too, received so much relief,
The lady also felt a lot of relief,
That she desired his company again,
That she wanted to be with him again,
But still these visits secrets should remain;
But still, these secret visits should stay private;
'Twas requisite the governor to see;
'Twas necessary for the governor to see;
Howe'er the dame delighted seemed to be,
Howe'er the lady seemed to be delighted,
And not content with what she had bestowed,
And not satisfied with what she had given,
A purse well stored with gold to Reynold showed:
A purse filled with gold was shown to Reynold:
He took no more, indeed, than what would pay
He took no more, really, than what would cover
The bare expenses on his homeward way;
The basic costs on his way home;
Then sought the street that to the tavern led,
Then found the street that led to the tavern,
Where still his lazy servant was in bed;
Where his lazy servant was still in bed;
The fellow mauled; then changed throughout his dress;
The guy attacked; then changed his outfit completely;
Since to the cloak-bag now he had access.
Since he now had access to the cloak bag.
His fortune to complete, that day they took
His luck to finish, that day they left
The very wretches that he wished to hook.
The very people he wanted to catch.
He to the judge repaired with ev'ry haste;
He hurried to the judge without delay;
In such a case you never time should waste;
In such a case, you should never waste time;
For, once the things are into court received,
For once the things are received in court,
'Tis like the lion's den: naught e'er 's retrieved;
'Tis like the lion's den: nothing is ever retrieved;
Their hands are closed, not 'gainst what may be brought
Their hands are closed, not against what may be brought
But to secure what from their grasp is sought.
But to keep safe what is being sought from their hold.
Who seeks redress by law, facts oft have shown,
Who seeks justice through the law, facts have often shown,
May bless his stars if he but keep his own.
May he be fortunate if he just takes care of his own.
THE trial o'er, a gallows treble-faced,
THE trial over, a gallows with three faces,
Was, for their swinging, in the market placed,
Was, for their swinging, put up for sale,
ONE of the three harangued the mob around,
ONE of the three yelled at the crowd around,
(His speech was for the others also found)
(His speech was for the others too)
Then, 'bout their necks the halters being tied,
Then, around their necks, the ropes were tied,
Repentant and confessed the culprits died.
Repentant and confessed, the culprits died.
WHO, after this, will doubt the pow'r of prayers?
WHO, after this, will doubt the power of prayers?
These silly knaves had banished all their cares;
These foolish fools had cast aside all their worries;
And when at ease they thought to skip and prance,
And when they were relaxed, they thought about skipping and dancing,
Were seized and quickly taught another dance.
Were grabbed and quickly taught a different dance.
On t'other hand, where dire distress prevailed,
On the other hand, where severe distress was present,
And death, in various ways, our spark assailed,
And death, in different ways, attacked our spark,
A beauty suddenly his senses charmed,
A beauty suddenly captivated his senses,
Who might a prelate's bosom have alarmed.
Who could have startled a prelate's heart?
So truly fortunate, indeed, his lot,
So truly fortunate is his fate,
Again his money, baggage, horse he got;
Again he got his money, luggage, and horse;
And, thank Saint Julian, howsoever tossed,
And, thank Saint Julian, no matter how troubled,
He passed a blissful night that nothing cost.
He had a wonderful night that didn't cost him anything.
THE COUNTRYMAN WHO SOUGHT HIS CALF
Original
Original
A COUNTRYMAN, one day, his calf had lost,
A COUNTRYMAN, one day, his calf had lost,
And, seeking it, a neighbouring forest crossed;
And, in search of it, crossed a nearby forest;
The tallest tree that in the district grew,
The tallest tree that grew in the area,
He climbed to get a more extensive view.
He climbed up to get a better view.
Just then a lady with her lover came;
Just then, a woman arrived with her partner;
The place was pleasing, both to spark and dame;
The place was enjoyable for both the boy and the girl;
Their mutual wishes, looks and eyes expressed,
Their shared wishes were expressed through their looks and eyes,
And on the grass the lady was caressed.
And on the grass, the woman was embraced.
At sights of charms, enchanting to the eyes,
At the sight of charms that are enjoyable to look at,
The gay gallant exclaimed, with fond surprise:—
The flamboyant gentleman exclaimed, with delight:—
Ye gods, what striking beauties now I see!
Wow, what amazing beauties I see now!
No objects named; but spoke with anxious glee.
No objects were named; but spoke with nervous excitement.
The clod, who, on the tree had mounted high,
The clod, who had climbed high up the tree,
And heard at ease the conversation nigh,
And listened to the conversation nearby with ease,
Now cried:—Good man! who see with such delight;
Now cried:—Good man! who sees with such delight;
Pray tell me if my calf be in your sight?
Please let me know if you can see my calf?
HANS CARVEL'S RING
Original
HANS CARVEL took, when weak and late in life;
HANS CARVEL took, when weak and late in life;
A girl, with youth and beauteous charms to wife;
A girl, with her youthful looks and beautiful qualities as a wife;
And with her, num'rous troubles, cares and fears;
And with her, countless troubles, worries, and fears;
For, scarcely one without the rest appears.
For, hardly anyone stands out on their own.
Bab (such her name, and daughter of a knight)
Bab (that was her name, and she was the daughter of a knight)
Was airy, buxom: formed for am'rous fight.
Was light and full-figured: made for passionate encounters.
Hans, holding jeers and cuckoldom in dread,
Hans, fearing ridicule and betrayal,
Would have his precious rib with caution tread,
Would carefully step around his precious rib,
And nothing but the Bible e'er peruse;
And nothing but the Bible ever read;
All other books he daily would abuse;
All the other books he would daily criticize;
Blamed secret visits; frowned at loose attire;
Blamed secret visits; frowned at loose clothing;
And censured ev'ry thing gallants admire.
And criticized everything that stylish people admire.
The dame, howe'er, was deaf to all he said;
The woman, however, was deaf to everything he said;
No preaching pleased but what to pleasure led,
No preaching satisfied unless it drove to pleasure,
Which made the aged husband hold his tongue.
Which made the old husband stay quiet.
And wish for death, since all round went wrong.
And long for death, since everything went wrong.
Some easy moments he perhaps might get;
Some easy moments he might possibly get;
A full detail in hist'ry's page is met.
A complete account is found in history's record.
One night, when company he'd had to dine,
One night, when he had company for dinner,
And pretty well was fill'd with gen'rous wine,
And it was pretty much filled with generous wine,
Hans dreamed, as near his wife he snoring lay,
Hans dreamed, lying next to his snoring wife,
The devil came his compliments to pay,
The devil came to pay his respects,
And having on his finger put a ring,
And he put a ring on his finger,
Said he, friend Hans, I know thou feel'st a sting;
Said he, friend Hans, I know you feel a sting;
Thy trouble 's great: I pity much thy case;
Your troubles are significant; I feel for your situation.
Let but this ring, howe'er, thy finger grace,
Let this ring, however, adorn your finger,
And while 'tis there I'll answer with my head,
And while I'm there, I'll respond with my head,
THAT ne'er shall happen which is now thy dread:
THAT will never happen which you fear now:
Hans, quite delighted, forced his finger through;
Hans, totally happy, pushed his finger through;
You drunken beast, cried Bab, what would you do?
You drunk beast, shouted Bab, what are you doing?
To love's devoirs quite lost, you take no care,
To love's duties completely lost, you don't care,
And now have thrust your finger God knows where!
And now you've stuck your finger God knows where!
THE HERMIT
Original
WHEN Venus and Hypocrisy combine,
WHEN Venus and Hypocrisy unite,
Oft pranks are played that show a deep design;
Often, pranks are played that reveal a deeper plan;
Men are but men, and friars full as weak:
Men are just men, and monks are just as weak:
I'm not by Envy moved these truths to speak.
I'm not speaking these truths out of envy.
Have you a sister, daughter, pretty wife?
Do you have a sister, daughter, or beautiful wife?
Beware the monks as you would guard your life;
Beware the monks as you would protect your life;
If in their snares a simple belle be caught:
If a naive girl gets trapped in their schemes:
The trap succeeds: to ruin she is brought.
The trap works: she is brought to ruin.
To show that monks are knaves in Virtue's mask;
To prove that monks are deceivers in the guise of virtue;
Pray read my tale:—no other proof I ask.
Pray read my story:—no other proof I need.
A HERMIT, full of youth, was thought around,
A young hermit was rumored to be wandering around,
A saint, and worthy of the legend found.
A saint, and deserving of the legend discovered.
The holy man a knotted cincture wore;
The holy man wore a knotted belt;
But, 'neath his garb:—heart-rotten to the core.
But underneath his disguise, he's broken-hearted to the core.
A chaplet from his twisted girdle hung,
A small wreath hung from his twisted belt,
Of size extreme, and regularly strung,
Of extreme size and regularly strung,
On t'other side was worn a little bell;
On the other side was a small bell;
The hypocrite in ALL, he acted well;
The hypocrite in EVERYONE, he performed convincingly;
And if a female near his cell appeared,
And if a woman showed up near his cell,
He'd keep within as if the sex he feared,
He'd stay inside as if the sex he was afraid of,
With downcast eyes and looks of woe complete,
With downcast eyes and expressions full of sorrow,
You'd ne'er suppose that butter he could eat.
You'd never guess that he could eat butter.
NOT far from where the hermit's cell was placed,
NOT far from where the hermit's small house was located,
Within a village dwelled a widow chaste;
Within a village lived a pure widow;
Her residence was at the further end
Her home was at the far end
And all her store—a daughter as a friend,
And all she has—a daughter as a friend,
Who candour, youth, and charms supreme possessed;
Who had honesty, youth, and exceptional charm;
And still a virgin lived, howe'er distressed.
And still a virgin lived, however troubled.
Though if the real truth perhaps we name,
Though if we may name the true reality,
'Twas more simplicity than virtuous aim;
It was more about simplicity than a noble purpose;
Not much of industry, but honest heart;
Not much in terms of industry, but an honest heart;
No wealth, nor lovers, who might hope impart.
No wealth, nor lovers, who might offer hope.
In Adam's days, when all with clothes were born,
In Adam's time, when everyone was born wearing clothes,
She doubtless might like finery have worn;
She definitely could have worn fancy clothes;
A house was furnished then without expense;
A house was furnished back then without any cost;
For sheets or mattresses you'd no pretence;
For sheets or mattresses, you had no pretense;
Not e'en a bed was necessary thought
Not even a bed was necessary thought
No blankets, pillowbiers, nor quilts were bought.
No blankets, pillowcases, or quilts were purchased.
Those times are o'er; then Hymen came alone;
Those times are over; then Hymen came alone;
But now a lawyer in his train is shown.
But now a lawyer is shown in his entourage.
OUR anchorite, in begging through the place;
OUR anchorite, while wandering through the place;
This girl beheld,—but not with eyes of grace.
This girl looked on—but not with graceful eyes.
Said he, she'll do, and, if thou manag'st right,
Said he, she'll do, and if you handle it correctly,
Lucius, at times, with her to pass the night.
Lucius sometimes spent the night with her.
No time he lost, his wishes to secure:
No time was wasted, his desires to fulfill:
The means, we may suppose, not over pure.
The methods, we can assume, are not entirely clean.
QUITE near the open fields they lived, I've said;
QUITE near the open fields they lived, I've said;
An humble, boarded cottage o'er their head.
A simple, boarded-up cottage above them.
One charming night—no, I mistake 'tis plain,
One charming night—no, I realize it's just ordinary,
Our hermit, favoured much by wind and rain,
Our hermit, often blessed by wind and rain,
Pierced in the boarding, where by time 'twas worn;
Pierced in the boarding, where over time it had worn;
A hole through which he introduced a horn;
A hole where he put in a horn;
And loudly bawled:—attend to what I say,
And shouted loudly:—pay attention to what I’m saying,
Ye women, my commands at once obey.
You women, follow my orders right away.
This voice spread terror through the little cot;
This voice spread fear throughout the small bed;
Both hid their heads and trembled for their lot;
Both hid their heads and trembled at their fate;
But still our monk his horn would sound aloud
But still our monk would sound his horn loudly
Awake! cried he; your favour God has vowed;
Awake! he shouted; God has promised His favor to you;
My faithful servant, Lucius, haste to seek;
My loyal servant, Lucius, hurry to find;
At early dawn go find this hermit meek
At early dawn, go find this humble hermit.
To no one say a word: 'tis Heav'n ordains;
To no one say a word: it's Heaven that decides;
Fear nothing, Lucius ever blessed remains;
Fear nothing, Lucius, always blessed remains;
I'll show the way myself: your daughter place,
I'll show the way myself: your daughter's place,
Good widow, with this holy man of grace;
Good widow, with this holy man of grace;
And from their intercourse a pope shall spring,
And from their relationship, a pope will arise,
Who back to virtue christendom will bring.
Who will bring back virtue to Christianity?
HE spoke to them so very loud and clear,
HE spoke to them so loud and clear,
They heard, though 'neath the clothes half dead with fear.
They heard, even though they were half dead with fear under the clothes.
Some time howe'er the females lay in dread;
Some time, however, the women lay in fear;
At length the daughter ventured out her head,
At last, the daughter peeked her head out,
And, pulling hastily her parent's arm,
And, quickly grabbing her parent's arm,
Said she, dear mother, (not suspecting harm)
Said she, dear mother, (not suspecting any danger)
Good Heav'ns! must I obey and thither go?
Good heavens! Do I really have to go and obey?
What would the holy man on me bestow?
What would the holy man give me?
I know not what to say nor how to act;
I don't know what to say or how to act;
Now cousin Anne would with him be exact,
Now cousin Anne would be precise with him,
And better recollect his sage advice:—
And remember his wise advice:—
Fool! said the mother, never be so nice;
Fool! said the mother, never be so kind;
Go, nothing fear, and do whate'er's desired;
Go, don’t be afraid, and do whatever you want;
Much understanding will not be required;
Not much understanding is needed;
The first or second time thou'lt get thy cue,
The first or second time you'll get your cue,
And cousin Anne will less know what to do.
And cousin Anne will be even more unsure of what to do.
Indeed? the girl replied; well, let's away,
Indeed? the girl replied; well, let's go,
And we'll return to bed without delay.
And we'll go back to bed right away.
But softly, cried the mother with a smile;
But gently, said the mother with a smile;
Not quite so fast, for Satan may beguile;
Not so fast, because Satan might deceive;
And if 'twere so, hast taken proper care?
And if it were so, have you taken proper care?
I think he spoke like one who would ensnare.
I think he talked like someone who would trap others.
To be precipitate, in such a case,
To act hastily, in this situation,
Perhaps might lead at once to dire disgrace.
Perhaps could immediately lead to terrible shame.
If thou wert terrified and did'st not hear,
If you were scared and didn't hear,
Myself I'm sure was quite o'ercome with fear.
Myself, I'm sure I was really overwhelmed with fear.
No, no, rejoined the daughter, I am right:
No, no, the daughter replied, I am right:
I clearly heard, dear mother, spite of fright.
I definitely heard you, dear mom, despite the fear.
Well then, replied the widow, let us pray,
Well then, replied the widow, let's pray,
That we by Satan be not led astray.
That we are not led astray by Satan.
Original
AT length they both arose when morning came,
AT last, they both got up when morning arrived,
And through the day the converse was the same.
And throughout the day, the conversation was the same.
At night howe'er the horn was heard once more,
At night, however, the horn was heard again,
And terrified the females as before.
And scared the women just like before.
Thou unbelieving woman, cried the voice,
Thou unbelieving woman, cried the voice,
For certain purposes of God the choice;
For specific reasons related to God’s plan, the choice;
No more delay, but to the hermit fly,
No more delays, let’s go to the hermit,
Or 'tis decreed that thou shalt quickly die.
Or it’s decided that you will soon die.
Now, mother, said the girl, I told you well;
Now, Mom, the girl said, I told you clearly;
Come, let us hasten to the hermit's cell;
Come on, let’s hurry to the hermit's place;
So much I dread your death, I'll nothing shun;
So much I fear your death, I'll avoid nothing;
And if 'tis requisite, I'll even run.
And if it's necessary, I'll even run.
Away then, cried the mother, let us go;
Away then, shouted the mother, let's go;
Some pains to dress, the daughter would bestow,
Some effort to get dressed, the daughter would put in,
Without reflecting what might be her fare:—
Without thinking about what her fare might be:—
To PLEASE is ev'ry blooming lass's care.
To please is every blossoming girl's concern.
OUR monk was on the watch you may suppose;
OUR monk was on the lookout, you might imagine;
A hole he made that would a glimpse disclose;
A hole he made that would show a glimpse;
By which, when near his cell the females drew,
By which, when the women drew near his cell,
They might, with whip in hand the hermit view,
They might, with a whip in hand, see the hermit,
Who, like a culprit punished for his crimes,
Who, like a criminal punished for their wrongdoings,
Received the lash, and that so many times,
Received the whip, and that so many times,
It sounded like the discipline of schools,
It sounded like the discipline of schools,
And made more noise than flogging fifty fools.
And made more noise than whipping fifty idiots.
WHEN first our pilgrims knocked, he would not hear;
WHEN first our pilgrims knocked, he would not hear;
And, for the moment, whipping would appear;
And for the time being, whipping would show up;
The holy lash severely he applied,
The holy whip he used harshly,
Which, through the hole, with pain our females spied;
Which, through the hole, our women painfully observed;
At length the door he ope'd, but from his eyes
At last, he opened the door, but from his eyes
No satisfaction beamed: he showed surprise.
No satisfaction showed: he looked surprised.
With trembling knees and blushes o'er the face,
With shaking knees and a flushed face,
The widow now explained the mystick case.
The widow now explained the mysterious situation.
Six steps behind, the beauteous daughter stood,
Six steps behind, the beautiful daughter stood,
And waited the decree she thought so good.
And waited for the decision she believed was so great.
The hypocrite howe'er the hermit played,
The hypocrite, however, pretended to be a hermit,
And sent these humble pilgrims back dismayed.
And sent these humble travelers back feeling discouraged.
Said he, the evil spirit much I dread;
Said he, I really fear that evil spirit;
No female to my cell should e'er be led;
No woman should ever be brought to my cell;
Excuse me then: such acts would sorrow bring;
Excuse me then: such actions would bring sadness;
From me the HOLY FATHER ne'er spring.
From me, the HOLY FATHER never springs.
What ne'er from you? the widow straight replied:
What never from you? the widow quickly answered:
And why should not the blessing, pray, be tried?
And why shouldn’t the blessing, I ask, be given a chance?
No other answer howsoe'er she got;
No other answer no matter how she got it;
So back they trudged once more to gain their cot.
So back they trudged once more to get to their bed.
Ah! mother, said the girl, 'tis my belief,
Ah! Mom, the girl said, I believe,
Our many heavy sins have caused thus grief.
Our numerous serious sins have brought about this sorrow.
WHEN night arrived and they in sleep were lost,
WHEN night came and they were lost in sleep,
Again the hermit's horn the woodwork crossed;
Again the hermit's horn echoed through the woods;
Return, return, cried he with horrid tone;
Return, return, he shouted in a terrifying voice;
To-morrow you'll have due attention shown;
Tomorrow you'll be given the attention you deserve;
I've changed the hermit's cold fastidious mind,
I've changed the hermit's cold, picky mind,
And when you come, he'll act as I've designed.
And when you arrive, he'll act as I've planned.
THE couple left their bed at break of day,
THE couple got out of bed at dawn,
And to the cell repaired without delay
And to the cell, they went immediately.
Our tale to shorten, Lucius kind appeared
Our story to shorten, Lucius appeared kind.
To rigid rules no longer he adhered.
He no longer followed strict rules.
The mother with him let her girl remain,
The mother let her girl stay with him,
And hastened to her humble roof again.
And rushed back to her modest home again.
The belle complying looked:—he took her arm,
The beautiful woman complied—he took her arm,
And soon familiar grew with ev'ry charm.
And soon became familiar with every charm.
O HYPOCRITES! how oft your wily art
O HYPOCRITES! how often your cunning tricks
Deceives the world and causes poignant smart.
Deceives the world and causes sharp pain.
AT matins they so very often met,
AT matins they so very often met,
Some awkward indications caused regret.
Some awkward signs caused regret.
The fair at length her apron-string perceived
The fair finally noticed her apron string.
Grew daily shorter, which her bosom grieved;
Grew shorter every day, which saddened her heart;
But nothing to the hermit she'd unfold,
But she wouldn't reveal anything to the hermit,
Nor e'en those feelings to her mother told;
Nor even those feelings told to her mother;
She dreaded lest she should be sent away,
She feared that she might be sent away,
And be deprived at once of Cupid's play.
And be suddenly denied the fun of Cupid's games.
You'll tell me whence so much discernment came?
You'll tell me where all that insight came from?
From this same play:—the tree of art by name.
From this same play:—the tree of art known by this name.
For sev'n long months the nymph her visits paid;
For seven long months, the nymph paid her visits;
Her inexperience doubtless wanted aid.
Her inexperience clearly needed help.
BUT when the mother saw her daughter's case,
BUT when the mother saw her daughter's situation,
She made her thank the monk, and leave the place.
She made her thank the monk and leave the place.
The hermit blessed the Lord for what was done;
The hermit thanked the Lord for what had been done;
A pleasant course his humble slave had run.
A nice path his humble servant had traveled.
He told the mother and her daughter fair,
He spoke fairly to the mother and her daughter,
The child, by God's permission, gifts would share.
The child, with God's permission, would share gifts.
Howe'er, be careful, said the wily wight,
Howe'er, be careful, said the wily wight,
That with your infant ev'ry thing goes right;
That with your baby everything goes well;
To you, from thence, great happiness will spring:
To you, from there, great happiness will come:
You'll reign the parent of what's more than king;
You'll be the parent of something greater than a king;
Your relatives to noble rank will rise:
Your relatives will rise to noble rank:
Some will be princes; others lords comprise;
Some will be princes; others will be lords.
Your nephews cardinals; your cousins too
Your nephews are cardinals; your cousins are too.
Will dukes become, if they the truth pursue;
Will dukes become what they are meant to be if they seek the truth;
And places, castles, palaces, there'll be,
And there will be places, castles, and palaces,
For you and them of every high degree;
For you and everyone else of high status;
You'll nothing want: eternal is the source,
You'll want for nothing: the source is eternal,
Like waters flowing in the river's course.
Like water flowing in the river’s path.
This long prediction o'er: with features grave,
This long prediction over: with serious features,
His benediction to them both he gave.
His blessing to both of them he gave.
WHEN home returned, the girl, each day and night,
WHEN home returned, the girl, every day and night,
Amused her mind with prospects of delight;
Amused her mind with thoughts of joy;
By fancy's aid she saw the future pope,
By the help of her imagination, she envisioned the future pope,
And all prepared to greet her fondest hope;
And all ready to welcome her greatest wish;
But what arrived the whole at once o'erthrew
But what came in all at once overturned everything.
Hats, dukedoms, castles, vanished from the view:
Hats, duchies, castles, disappeared from sight:
The promised elevation of the NAME
The promised elevation of the NAME
Dissolved to air:-a little female came!
Dissolved to air:-a little girl came!
THE CONVENT GARDENER OF LAMPORECHIO
Original
WHEN Cupid with his dart, would hearts assail,
WHEN Cupid strikes with his arrow, he targets hearts,
The rampart most secure is not the VEIL;
The safest barrier isn't the VEIL;
A husband better will the FAIR protect,
A husband will better protect the FAIR,
Than walls or lattices, I much suspect.
Than walls or lattices, I really doubt.
Those parents, who in nunneries have got
Those parents, who have been in convents,
Their daughters (whether willingly or not),
Their daughters (whether they wanted to or not),
Most clearly in a glaring error prove,
Most clearly in a glaring error proves,
To fancy God will round their actions move;
To believe that God will shape their actions;
'Tis an abuse of what we hold divine;
It's a misuse of what we consider sacred;
The Devil with them surely must combine.
The Devil has to be working with them for sure.
Besides, 'twere folly to suppose that vice
Besides, it would be foolish to think that vice
Ne'er entered convent walls, and nuns were ice.
Never entered convent walls, and nuns were cold.
A very diff'rent sentiment I hold:
A very different feeling I have:
Girls, who in publick move, however bold,
Girls who move in public, no matter how bold,
Have greater terrors lest they get a stain;
Have greater fears that they might get a stain;
For, honour lost, they never fame regain.
For once honor is lost, they can never regain fame.
Few enemies their modesty attack;
Few enemies challenge their humility;
The others have but one their minds to rack.
The others have only one thing on their minds to stress about.
TEMPTATION, daughter of the drowsy dame,
TEMPTATION, daughter of the sleepy lady,
That hates to move, and IDLENESS we name,
That hates to move, and we call it IDLENESS,
Is ever practising each wily art,
Is always practicing every clever trick,
To spread her snares around the throbbing heart;
To spread her traps around the beating heart;
And fond DESIRE, the child of lorn CONSTRAINT,
And loving DESIRE, the child of lost CONSTRAINT,
Is anxious to the soul soft scenes to paint.
Is eager to paint gentle scenes for the soul.
If I've a worthy daughter made a nun,
If I have a good daughter who's become a nun,
Is that a reason she's a saint?—Mere fun!
Is that why she's a saint?—Just for a laugh!
Avaunt such folly!—three in four you'll find,
Avaunt such folly!—three in four you'll find,
Of those who wear the veil—have changed their mind;
Of those who wear the veil—have changed their minds;
Their fingers bite, and often do much worse:
Their fingers sting, and often do much worse:
Those convent vows, full soon, become a curse;
Those convent vows soon become a curse;
Such things at least have sometimes reached my ear
Such things have at least sometimes reached my ears.
(For doubtless I must speak from others here);
(For surely I must speak on behalf of others here);
Of his Boccace a merry tale has told,
Of his Boccaccio, a fun story has been told,
Which into rhyme I've put, as you'll behold.
Which I've turned into rhyme, as you'll see.
WITHIN a nunnery, in days of yore,
WITHIN a nunnery, in days of old,
A good old man supplied the garden-store;
A good old man ran the garden store;
The nuns, in general, were smart and gay,
The nuns, overall, were clever and cheerful,
And kept their tongues in motion through the day.
And kept talking throughout the day.
Religious duties they regarded less,
They viewed religious duties as less important,
Than for the palour* to be nice in dress
Than for the pale to look nice in clothes
Arranging ev'ry article to please,
Arranging every article to please,
That each might captivate and charm at ease;
That each might effortlessly captivate and charm;
The changes constantly they rang around,
The changes constantly rang out around them,
And made the convent-walls with din resound.
And made the convent walls echo with noise.
Eight sisters and an abbess held the place,
Eight sisters and an abbess ran the place,
And strange to say—there DISCORD you might trace.
And it's strange to say—you could find DISCORD there.
All nine had youth, and many beauty too:
All nine were young, and many were beautiful as well:
Young friars round the place were oft in view,
Young friars were often seen around the place,
Who reckoned ev'ry step they took so well,
Who counted every step they took so carefully,
That always in the proper road they fell.
That they always fell onto the right path.
Th' aged gard'ner, of whom ere now we spoke,
Th' aged gard'ner, of whom ere now we spoke,
Was oft bewildered, they would so provoke;
Was often confused, they would annoy so much;
Capricious, whimsical, from day to day,
Capricious, whimsical, from day to day,
Each would command and try to have her way;
Each would assert her authority and attempt to get her way;
And as they ne'er agreed among themselves,
And since they never agreed with each other,
He suffered more than if with fifty elves;
He suffered more than if he were with fifty elves;
When one was pleased, another soon complained:
When one person was happy, another quickly complained:
At length to quit the nuns he was constrained.
At last, he had to leave the nuns.
He left them, poor and wretched as he came;
He left them, just as poor and miserable as when he arrived;
No cross, pile, money:—e'en his coat the same.
No cross, pile, or money: even his coat is the same.
A YOUTH of Lamporechio, gay and bold,
A young man from Lamporechio, cheerful and daring,
One day this gard'ner met as I am told;
One day this gardener met, as I’ve heard;
And after conversation 'bout the place,
And after talking about the place,
Said, he should like nun's service to embrace,
Said, he would like to embrace a nun's service,
And that he wished sincerely to be hired:
And he genuinely wanted to be hired:
He'd gratis do whatever was required.
He'd willingly do whatever was needed.
'Twas clear indeed his object was not pelf;
'Twas clear his goal was not money;
He thought however he might reward himself;
He thought about how he could reward himself;
And as the sisters were not over wise,
And since the sisters weren't very smart,
A nun he now and then might make his prize;
A nun he might occasionally win as his prize;
Proceed from one to more with like address,
Proceed from one to more with the same approach,
Till with the whole he'd had complete success.
Till had totally succeeded with the whole thing.
Said Nuto (such we find the gard'ner's name),
Said Nuto (that's the gardener's name),
Believe me, friend, you will be much to blame;
Believe me, friend, you will be very much at fault;
Some other service seek, I recommend;
Some other service might be helpful, I suggest;
These convent-dames will ne'er their whimseys end.
These convent ladies will never stop their whims.
I'd rather live without or soup or bread,
I'd rather live without soup or bread,
Than work for them, however nicely fed.
Than work for them, no matter how well they are fed.
STRANGE creatures are these nuns, upon my word;
STRANGE creatures are these nuns, I swear;
Their ways ridiculous and e'en absurd;
Their ways are ridiculous and even absurd;
Who, with the sisterhood, has never been,
Who, with the sisterhood, has never been,
Has clearly yet, not perfect torment seen,
Has clearly seen torment, but not perfectly.
Such service, prithee, never try to gain;
Such service, please, never try to obtain;
To do what they require I know is vain;
To do what they want, I know is pointless;
One will have soft, and t'other asks for hard:
One wants soft, and the other asks for hard:
Thou'lt be a fool such ninnies to regard;
You'll be a fool to think about such idiots;
No work thou'lt do, whatever be the want:
No work you'll do, no matter the need:
THIS cabbages,—THAT carrots tells thee plant:
THIS cabbages,—THAT carrots tells you plant:
Said t'other, fain I'd bring it to the test;
Said the other, I’d really like to put it to the test;
I'm but a simpleton, it is confessed;
I'm just a simple person, I admit;
Yet still a month in place, and thou wilt see;
Yet still a month in place, and you will see;
How well I with the convent-dames agree.
How well I get along with the nuns.
The reason is, my life is in its prime,
The reason is, my life is at its peak,
While thou art sunk in years and worn by time,
While you are aging and worn by time,
I'm proper for their work, and only ask,
I'm suitable for their work, and I only request,
To be admitted to the drudging task.
To be accepted into the tedious job.
Well, said the former, if resolved to try,
Well, said the former, if determined to give it a shot,
To their factotum instantly apply;
Contact their assistant immediately;
Come; let's away. Lead on, the other cried;
Come on, let's go. Lead the way, the other one replied;
I've got a thought, which I'll to you confide:—
I've got a thought that I want to share with you:—
I'll seem an idiot, and quite dumb appear.—
I'll look like a fool and seem really dumb.
In that, said Nuto, only persevere,
In that, Nuto said, just keep going,
And then perhaps the confessor thou'lt find,
And then maybe you'll find the confessor,
With their factotum carelessly inclined;
With their assistant carelessly leaning;
No fears nor dark suspicions of a mute:
No fears or dark suspicions of a mute:
Thou'lt ev'ry way, my friend, their wishes suit.
You'll always, my friend, fit their wishes.
THE place, as was expected, soon he got;
THE place, as expected, he soon reached;
And half the grounds to trench, at once his lot:
And half the land to dig up, all at once his share:
He acted well the nincompoop and fool,
He played the fool and acted like an idiot,
Yet still was steady to the garden tool;
Yet still was steady to the garden tool;
The nuns continually would flock around,
The nuns would constantly gather around,
And much amusement in his anticks found.
And found a lot of amusement in his antics.
ONE day, as sleeping lay our sprightly wight,
ONE day, while our lively friend was asleep,
Or feigning sleep, no matter which is right,
Or pretending to be asleep, regardless of which is true,
(Boccace pretends the latter was the fact)
(Boccaccio pretends that this was the case)
Two nuns (perhaps not two the most exact,)
Two nuns (maybe not exactly two,)
Observing him extended on the sward,
Observing him lying on the grass,
While summer's heat from air so much debarred;
While the summer's heat is blocked by the air;
That few would venture from the convent-roof,
That few would dare to leave the convent roof,
Lest, 'gainst the sun, their cheeks should not be proof:
Lest, against the sun, their cheeks should not hold up:
Said one, approaching him, let's take this fool,
Said one, approaching him, "Let's grab this idiot,"
And place him in the garden-house to cool.
And put him in the garden house to chill.
The lad was handsome, with engaging mien:
The guy was good-looking, with a charming demeanor:
The nun admired the features she had seen,
The nun admired the features she had seen,
And Cupid raised a wish to be at ease,
And Cupid wanted to chill,
Where she, without restraint, herself might please.
Where she could freely please herself.
What would you, cried the other, with him do?
What would you do with him? cried the other.
You'll see, rejoined the first, if we pursue;
You'll see, replied the first, if we continue;
Just what might be expected from the place;
Just what you’d expect from the place;
Christ! said the second (with a cross of grace),
Christ! said the second (with a gesture of blessing),
You would not surely do what is forbid?
You wouldn't really do what’s forbidden, would you?
Suppose increase? it never could be hid;
Suppose it increases? It could never be hidden;
Besides, should we be seen, 'twill be the cause,
Besides, if we're seen, it will be the reason,
Of dire disgrace to break such sacred laws.
Of serious shame to break such sacred laws.
WE shall not be observed, the first replied;
We won't be noticed, the first one replied;
These ills thy fancy forms: haste, let's decide,
These troubles are created by your imagination: hurry, let’s make a decision,
And seize the moment while 'tis in our reach,
And take the opportunity while it's within our grasp,
Without regard to what old dotards teach,
Without considering what old fools say,
Or what may happen at a future hour;
Or what might happen at a later time;
Here's no one near: 'tis fully in our pow'r;
Here's no one around: it's completely in our power;
The time and place so thoroughly agree,
The time and place fit together perfectly,
'Twill be impossible our freaks to see;
'It will be impossible to see our oddities;
But 'twill be right that one should watch with care;
But it will be important to watch carefully;
While t'other with the lad seeks joys to share,
While the other person with the boy looks for joys to share,
And irksome gloom endeavours to dispel:
And annoying gloom tries to go away:
He's dumb, you know, and tales can never tell.
He's not very bright, you know, and stories can never fully capture it.
The other answered, since 'tis your desire,
The other replied, since it's what you want,
I'll acquiesce and do what you require;
I'll agree and do what you need;
You'll take him first: I see it is your aim;
You'll take him first: I get that it's your plan;
And since it will oblige, I'll wave my claim;
And since it will be necessary, I'll give up my claim;
Go, pleasure seek, and satisfy each wish:
Go, seek pleasure, and fulfill every desire:
You're always anxious for a fav'rite dish;
You're always eager for a favorite dish;
'Tis only to oblige that I comply.
It's only to please that I agree.
That, said the other, clearly I descry;
That, said the other, I can clearly see;
I'm well persuaded, thou art always kind;
I'm sure you're always nice;
But still I think thou would'st not be inclined;
But I still think you wouldn't be interested;
In such a scene to take the leading part,
In such a scene to take the lead,
Thy bashfulness would counteract thy heart.
Your shyness would clash with your heart.
Some time the squeamish sister watched the spot;
Some time the squeamish sister kept an eye on the spot;
At length the other, who'd her wishes got,
At last, the other, who had fulfilled her wishes,
The station took; the lab'rer tried to please
The station took; the laborer tried to please
The second as the first, but less at ease;
The second was like the first, but not as comfortable;
So many favours fell not to her share,
So many favors didn't come her way,
And only treble comfort proved her fare.
And only three times the comfort turned out to be her reward.
THE garden-path, and summer-house as well,
THE garden-path, and summer-house as well,
Were well remembered by each wanton belle;
Were well remembered by each flirtatious beauty;
No need of guides; and soon our spark contrived;
No need for guides; and soon our spark devised;
With sister Agnes also to be hived
With sister Agnes also to be separated
A press-house at the convent end he chose,
A press-house at the convent end he picked,
in which he showed her how soft pleasure flows;
in which he showed her how smoothly pleasure flows;
Nor Claudia nor Angelica would miss
Nor Claudia nor Angelica would miss
The dormitory that, and cellar this;
The dorm and this cellar;
In short the garret and the vaulted cave
In short, the attic and the vaulted cave
Knew fully how the sisters could behave;
Knew exactly how the sisters could act;
Not one but what he first or last regaled
Not one of them but enjoyed himself first or last
E'en with the rigid abbess he prevailed,
Even with the strict abbess, he succeeded,
To take a dance, and as the dame required
To dance, as the lady requested
Her treble share of what was most admired,
Her high portion of what was most admired,
The other nuns were oft obliged to fast,
The other nuns often had to fast,
While with the convent-head his time was passed.
While he spent his time with the head of the convent.
To no restoratives our Wight would run;
To no remedies would our spirit yield;
Though these do little, where much work is done:
Though these add little value, where a lot of effort is expended:
So oft the lad was pressed for cheering play,
So often the boy was urged to join in fun,
That with the abbess, when engaged one day,
That with the abbess, when caught up one day,
He said, where'er I go, 'tis common talk,
He said, wherever I go, it's common talk,
With only sev'n an able bird should walk,
With only seven, a capable bird should be able to walk,
Yet constantly I've got no less than nine:—
Yet all the time, I've got at least nine:—
The abbess cried,—A miracle divine!
The abbess exclaimed, "A divine miracle!"
Here nuns, pray haste, and quickly come around;
Here nuns, hurry up, and quickly gather round;
We've fasted with success:—his tongue is found.
We've successfully fasted:—his tongue has been found.
The eight encircled him with great surprise;
The eight surrounded him with great surprise;
No longer dumb.—they viewed with eager eyes:
No longer clueless.—they looked on with excitement:
A consultation instantly was had,
A consultation was held immediately,
When 'twas agreed to honour well the lad,
When it was agreed to honor the boy,
And try to make him secrecy observe;
And try to make him keep it a secret;
But if dismissed, from silence he might swerve.
But if ignored, he might break his silence.
The active youth, well fed, well paid, thus blessed,
The active youth, well-fed, well-paid, and thus fortunate,
Did all he could,—and others did the rest.
Did all he could, and others took care of the rest.
He for the nuns procured a little lot,
He got a small piece of land for the nuns,
That afterward two little friars got,
That later, two little friars got,
And in the sequel fathers soon became;
And in the sequel, fathers quickly emerged;
The sisters mothers too, in spite of shame;
The sisters' mothers too, despite feeling ashamed;
But never name more justly was applied:
But the name was never more appropriately used:
In vain their mysteries they strove to hide.
In vain they tried to hide their secrets.
* The parlour in a convent is the room where the nuns are
* The parlor in a convent is the room where the nuns are
permitted to speak to their friends through a lattice.
permitted to talk to their friends through a lattice.
THE MANDRAKE
Original
FLORENTINE we now design to show;—
FLORENTINE we now plan to present;—
A greater blockhead ne'er appeared below;
A bigger fool has never been seen here;
It seems a prudent woman he had wed,
It seems he married a wise woman,
With beauty that might grace a monarch's bed;
With beauty that could adorn a king's bed;
Young, brisk, good-humoured, with engaging mien;
Young, lively, cheerful, with an inviting demeanor;
None in the town, or round, the like was seen:
None in the town or nearby had ever seen anything like it:
Her praises every voice inclined to sing,
Her praises made everyone want to sing,
And judged her worthy of a mighty king;
And deemed her worthy of a great king;
At least a better husband she deserved:
At the very least, she deserved a better husband.
An arrant fool he looked, and quite unnerved.
He looked like an absolute fool, and he seemed really unsettled.
This Nicia Calfucci (for such his name)
This is Nicia Calfucci (that's his name).
Was fully bent to have a father's fame,
Was totally focused on gaining a father's reputation,
And thought his country honour he could do,
And he thought he could bring honor to his country,
Could he contrive his lineage to pursue.
Could he figure out how to trace his family history?
No holy saint in Paradise was blessed,
No holy saint in Heaven was blessed,
But what this husband fervently addressed;
But what this husband passionately spoke about;
From day to day, so oft he teazed for grace,
From day to day, he often teased for charm,
They scarcely knew his off'rings where to place.
They hardly knew where to put his offerings.
No matron, quack, nor conjurer around,
No matron, scam artist, or magician around,
But what he tried their qualities profound;
But what he tried were their deep qualities;
Yet all in vain: in spite of charm or book,
Yet all in vain: despite charm or book,
No father he, whatever pains he took.
No father he was, no matter how much effort he put in.
TO Florence then returned a youth from France;
TO Florence then returned a young man from France;
Where he had studied,—more than complaisance:
Where he studied,—more than just being accommodating:
Well trained as any from that polished court;
Well-trained like anyone from that refined court;
To Fortune's favours anxious to resort;
To seek out Fortune’s favors eagerly;
Gallant and seeking ev'ry FAIR to please;
Gallant and trying to please every beauty;
Each house, road, alley, soon he knew at ease;
Each house, street, and alley, he quickly got to know comfortably;
The husbands, good or bad, their whims and years,
The husbands, whether they were good or bad, their moods and years,
With ev'ry thing that moved their hopes or fears;
With everything that stirred their hopes or fears;
What sort of fuel best their females charmed;
What kind of fuel best attracts their females;
What spies were kept by those who felt alarmed;
What spies did those who felt alarmed keep;
The if's, for's, to's, and ev'ry artful wile,
The if's, for's, to's, and every clever trick,
That might in love a confidant beguile,
That might deceive a trusted friend in love,
Or nurse, or father-confessor, or dog;
Or nurse, or priest, or dog;
When passion prompts, few obstacles can clog.
When passion drives you, few obstacles can get in your way.
THE snares were spread, each stratagem was laid;
THE traps were set, each plan was in place;
And every thing arranged to furnish aid,
And everything is set up to provide help,
When our gay spark determined to invest
When our cheerful energy decided to invest
Old Nicia with the cuckold's branching crest.
Old Nicia with the cuckold's branching crest.
The plan no doubt was well conceived and bold;
The plan was definitely well thought out and daring;
The lady to her friends appeared not cold;
The lady didn't seem cold to her friends;
Within her husband's house she seemed polite;
Within her husband's house, she came off as polite;
But ne'er familiarly was seen invite,
But never was an invitation seen casually,
No further could a lover dare proceed;
No lover could go any further;
Not one had hope the belle his flame would heed.
Not one had hope that the beautiful woman would pay attention to his feelings.
OUR youth, Calimachus, no sooner came,
OUR youth, Calimachus, as soon as he arrived,
But he howe'er appeared to please the dame;
But he still seemed to please the lady;
His camp he pitched and entered on the siege
His camp was set up, and he began the siege.
Of fair Lucretia, faithful to her liege,
Of fair Lucretia, loyal to her lord,
Who presently the haughty tigress played,
Who is currently playing the proud tigress,
And sent him, like the rest, away dismayed.
And sent him away, feeling just as disappointed as the others.
HE, scarcely knew what saint he could invoke;
HE, hardly knew which saint he could call upon;
When Nicia's folly served him for a cloak;
When Nicia's mistake wrapped around him like a cloak;
However strange, no stratagem nor snare,
However strange, no plan nor trap,
But what the fool would willingly prepare
But what would the fool willingly prepare
With all his heart, and nothing fancy wrong;
With all his heart, and nothing overly complicated wrong;
That might to others possibly belong.
That might belong to someone else.
The lover and himself, as learned men,
The lover and he, as educated individuals,
Had conversations ev'ry now and then;
Had conversations every now and then;
For Nicia was a doctor in the law:
For Nicia was a legal expert:
Degree, to him, not worth a single straw;
Degree, to him, not worth anything at all;
Far better had he common prudence traced;
Far better if he had shown some common sense;
And not his confidence so badly placed.
And not his confidence misplaced.
ONE day he to Calimachus complained,
ONE day he complained to Calimachus,
Of want of heirs, and wished they could be gained:
Of the lack of heirs, and hoped they could be obtained:
Where lay the fault? He was a gay gallant;
Where was the mistake? He was a cheerful show-off;
Lucretia young with features to enchant.
Lucretia was young and had features that could captivate anyone.
When I at Paris was, replied our wight,
When I was in Paris, our friend replied,
There passed a clever man, a curious sight,
There walked a smart guy, an interesting sight,
His company with anxious care I sought,
His company with worried attention I sought,
And was at length a hundred secrets taught;
And finally, a hundred secrets were revealed;
'Mong others how, at will, to get an heir:—
'Mong others how, at will, to get an heir:—
A certain thing, he often would declare;
A certain thing, he often said;
The great Mogul had tried it on his queen,
The great Mogul had attempted it with his queen,
just two years since, the heir might then be seen;
just two years ago, the heir could then be seen;
And many other princesses of fame,
And many other renowned princesses,
Had added by it to their husband's name.
Had added it to their husband's name.
'Twas very true; I've seen it fully proved:
'Twas very true; I've seen it fully proved:
The remedy all obstacles removed;
All obstacles cleared;
'Tis from the root of certain tree expressed;
'Tis from the root of a certain tree expressed;
A juice most potent ev'ry where confessed,
A juice that everyone agrees is the most powerful,
And Mandrake called, which taken by a wife;
And Mandrake called, which taken by a wife;
More pow'r evinces o'er organick life,
More power shows over organic life,
Than from conventual grace was e'er derived,
Than from conventual grace was ever derived,
Though in the cloister youthful friars hived.
Though in the monastery, young monks gathered.
TEN months from hence I'll you a father make;
TEN months from now, I'll make you a father;
No longer time than that I ask to take;
No more time than I'm requesting to take;
This period o'er, the child to church we'll bring,—
This period over, we'll take the child to church,—
If true, said Nicia, what a glorious thing!
If it's true, said Nicia, what an amazing thing!
You'll do me services I can't express.—
You'll do things for me that I can't put into words.—
Don't doubt it, cried the spark of smart address:
Don't doubt it, shouted the clever voice:
Must I the fact so oft to you repeat?
Must I keep repeating this to you?
I've seen it with my eyes; 'tis most complete;
I've seen it with my own eyes; it's truly complete;
You mean to jest, assuredly my friend;
You must be joking, my friend;
Would you by doubts the great Mogul offend?
Would you offend the great Mogul with your doubts?
So handsomely this traveller he paid,
This traveler paid so generously,
No sign of discontent he e'er betrayed.
No sign of unhappiness he ever showed.
'TIS excellent, the Florentine replied;
"It's excellent," the Florentine replied.
Lucretia must be pleased to have it tried;
Lucretia must be happy to have it tested;
What satisfaction! in her arms to view
What satisfaction! to see in her arms
An infant that my lineage will renew.
An infant that my family will bring into the future.
Now, worthy friend, you god-father shall stand;
Now, dear friend, you godfather shall stand;
This very day pray take the thing in hand.
This very day, please take care of the matter.
NOT quite so fast, rejoined our smart gallant,
NOT quite so fast, our clever hero replied,
First know the plan, before consent you grant;
First understand the plan before you give your approval;
There is an ill attends the whole affair;
There’s a bad vibe surrounding the whole situation;
But what below, alas! is free from care;
But what down there, unfortunately, is free from worry;
This juice, possessing virtues so divine,
This juice, having such amazing qualities,
Has also pow'rs that prove the most malign:
Has powers that prove to be the most harmful:
Whoe'er receives the patient's first embrace;
Whoever receives the patient's first hug;
Too fatally the dire effects will trace;
Too fatally, the serious effects will follow;
Death oft succeeds the momentary joy;
Death often comes after joy;
We scarcely good can find without alloy.
We can hardly find anything good without some flaws.
YOUR servant; sir, said Nicia with surprise;
YOUR servant; sir, Nicia said in surprise;
No more of this: the name will me suffice;
No more of this: just knowing the name is enough for me;
Lucretia we will let remain at ease:
Lucretia, we will allow to stay relaxed:
What you propose can never truly please;
What you suggest can never really satisfy;
If I must die by getting of a son,
If I have to die to have a son,
'Tis better far the benefit to shun;
'Tis better far to avoid the benefit;
Go find some other for your wondrous art;
Go find someone else for your amazing talent;
In fact I'm not inclined with life to part.
In fact, I'm not ready to part with life.
HOW strange your conduct, cried the sprightly youth:
HOW strange your behavior, exclaimed the lively young man:
Extremes you seek, and overleap the truth;
Extremes you chase, and ignore the truth;
Just now the fond desire to have a boy
Just now, the strong wish to have a son
Chased ev'ry care and filled your heart with joy;
Chased every worry and filled your heart with joy;
At present quite the contrary appears
At the moment, the opposite seems to be true.
A moment changed your fondest hopes to fears;
A moment turned your greatest hopes into fears;
Come, hear the rest; no longer waste your breath:
Come, listen to the rest; stop wasting your breath:
Kind Nature all can cure, excepting death.
Kind Nature can heal everything, except death.
What's necessary pray, that things succeed?
What's needed, really, for things to go well?
Some youthful clod for once should take the lead,
Some young fool should take the lead for once,
And clear the way of ev'ry venom round
And clear the way of every poisonous round
Then you with safety may commence to sound;
Then you can safely start to sound;
No time you'll lose, but instantly begin
No time will be wasted, just start right away.
And you'll most certainly your object win.
And you'll definitely win your goal.
This step is necessary to the end;
This step is essential to the goal;
Some lad of little worth I recommend;
Some guy of little value I suggest;
But not ill made, nor savagely robust,
But not poorly made, nor overly strong,
To give your lady terror nor disgust.
To avoid causing your lady fear or disgust.
We know that, used to Nicia's soft caress,
We know that, accustomed to Nicia's gentle touch,
Lucretia would disrelish rude address;
Lucretia would dislike rude behavior;
Indeed 'tis possible in such event,
Indeed, it's possible in such a case,
Her tender heart would never give consent;
Her gentle heart would never agree;
This led me to propose a man that's young;
This prompted me to suggest a young man;
Besides, the more he proves for action strong,
Besides, the more he proves to be strong in action,
The less of venom will behind remain,
The less venom will remain behind,
And I'll engage that ev'ry drop he'll drain.
And I bet he'll drink every last drop.
AT first the husband disapproved the plan,
AT first, the husband didn't approve of the plan,
The infamy, and danger which they ran
The bad reputation and the risk they faced
Perhaps the magistrate might have him sought,
Perhaps the magistrate could have him searched for,
And he, of murder, guilty might be thought;
And he might be considered guilty of murder;
The sudden death would mightily perplex;
The sudden death would be very confusing;
A fellow's creature's loss would sorely vex;
A person's creature's loss would really upset;
Lucretia, who'd withstood each tempter's charms,
Lucretia, who had resisted every charm of temptation,
Was now to be disgraced in rustick arms!
Was now to be embarrassed in country gear!
CALIMACHUS, with eagerness replied;
CALIMACHUS eagerly replied;
I would a man of consequence provide,
I would provide a man of importance,
Or one, at all events, whose anxious aim
Or someone, in any case, whose worried goal
Would be, aloud the myst'ry, to proclaim!
Would be, aloud the mystery, to proclaim!
But fear and folly would contain the clown,
But fear and foolishness would hold back the clown,
Or money at the worst would stop renown,
Or money, at worst, would end fame,
Your better half apparently resigned;
Your partner apparently quit;
The clod without intention of the kind;
The clueless one without any intention of that sort;
In short whate'er arrived, 'tis clear your case
In short, whatever has come up, it's clear your situation
Could not with Cuckoldom be well in place.
Could not with cheating be well in place.
Besides 'tis no way certain but our blade,
Besides, it's not certain that our blade,
By strength of nerves the poison may evade;
By the power of will, the poison may be avoided;
And that's a double reason for the choice,
And that's two reasons for the choice,
Since with more certainty we shall rejoice:
Since we will rejoice with greater certainty:
The venom may evaporate in fume,
The venom might disappear in smoke,
And Mandrake pleasing pow'rs at once assume;
And Mandrake takes on its charming powers at once;
For when I spoke of death, I did not mean,
For when I talked about death, I didn't mean,
That nothing from it would the person screen;
That the person wouldn't protect anything from it;
To-morrow we the rustick lad must name;
To-morrow we the rustic kid must name;
To-night the potion given your charming dame;
To night the potion given to your lovely lady;
I've some already with me, all prepared;
I've got some with me, all ready.
Let nothing of your project be declared:
Let nothing about your project be announced:
You should not seem to know what we've designed;
You shouldn't let on that you're aware of what we've created;
Ligurio you'll permit this clod to find;
Ligurio, you'll let this fool find;
You can most thoroughly in him confide:
You can trust him totally.
Discretion, secrecy, with him reside.
Discretion and secrecy are with him.
One thing, however, nearly I'd forgot;
One thing, however, I almost forgot;
A bandage for the eyes we should allot;
We should provide a blindfold;
And when well bound he nothing e'er can trace
And when well restrained, he can never find his way.
Of whom, or what, the lady, or the place.
Of whom, or what, the lady, or the place.
THE whole arrangement Nicia much approved;
THE whole arrangement Nicia really liked;
But now 'twas time the lady should be moved.
But now it was time for the lady to be moved.
At first she thought it jest, then angry grew,
At first, she thought it was a joke, then she became angry,
And vowed the plan she never would pursue;
And promised she would never go after the plan;
Her life she'd rather forfeit than her name:
Her life she'd rather give up than her name:
Once known, for ever lost would be her fame
Once known, her fame would be lost forever.
Besides the heinous sin and vile offence,
Besides the awful sin and disgusting offense,
God knew she rather would with all dispense;
God knew she would rather not deal with any of it;
Mere complaisance had led her to comply;
Mere willingness had led her to go along;
Would she admit a wretch with blearing eye,
Would she accept a miserable person with bloodshot eyes,
To incommode, and banish tranquil ease?
To disrupt and drive away peaceful comfort?
Who could conceive her formed a clod to please?
Who could imagine she was created just to please?
Can I, said she, the paths of honour quit,
Can I, she said, leave the paths of honor,
And in my bed a loathsome brute permit?
And in my bed a disgusting beast allowed?
Or e'er regard the plan but with disdain?
Or should we look at the plan with anything but disdain?
No, by saint John, I ever will maintain,
No, by Saint John, I will always stand by
Nor beau, nor clown, nor king, nor lord, nor 'squire,
Nor handsome man, nor jester, nor king, nor noble, nor gentleman,
Save Nicia, with me freely shall retire.
Save Nicia, I will leave with you willingly.
THE fair Lucretia seemed so firmly bent,
THE fair Lucretia seemed so completely determined,
To father Timothy at length they went,
To father Timothy they finally went,
Who preached the lady such a fine discourse,
Who gave the lady such a great speech,
She ceded more through penitence than force.
She surrendered more out of remorse than pressure.
MOREOVER she was promised that the lad
MOREOVER she was promised that the guy
Should be nor clownish, nor in person bad;
Should neither be clownish nor behave badly in person;
Nor such as any way might give disgust,
Nor in any way that might cause annoyance,
But one to whom she perfectly might trust.
But someone she could completely trust.
THE wondrous draught was taken by the fair;
THE amazing drink was taken by the beautiful;
Next day our Wight prepared his wily snare:
Next day our guy set his clever trap:
Himself bepowdered like a miller's man,
Himself powdered like a mill worker,
With beard and whiskers to complete his plan;
With a beard and whiskers to finish his plan;
A better metamorphose ne'er was seen;
A better transformation has never been seen;
Ligurio, who had in the secret been,
Ligurio, who had been hiding,
So thoroughly disguised the lover thought,
So completely disguised the lover thought,
At midnight him to Nicia freely brought,
At midnight, he freely brought him to Nicia,
With bandage o'er the eyes and hair disdained,
With a bandage over the eyes and unkempt hair,
Not once the husband of deceit complained.
Not once did the deceitful husband complain.
BESIDE the dame in silence slid our spark;
BESIDE the lady, our spark quietly approached;
In silence she attended in the dark,
In silence, she sat in the dark,
Perfumed and nicely ev'ry way bedecked;
Perfumed and beautifully adorned in every way;
For what? you ask, or whom did she expect;
For what? you ask, or who did she expect;
Were all these pains a miller to receive?—
Were all these troubles meant for a miller to bear?—
Too much they cannot take, the sex believe;
Too much, they can't handle, the sex think;
And whether kings or millers be their aim,
And whether they aim for kings or millers,
The wish to please is ever found the same.
The desire to please is always the same.
'Tis double honour in a woman thought,
'Tis double honor in a woman’s mind,
When by her charms a torpid heart is caught;
When her charms capture a sluggish heart;
She, who in icy bosoms flame can raise,
She, who can ignite flames in cold hearts,
Deserving doubtless is of treble praise.
Deserving doubtlessly is worthy of triple praise.
THE spark disguised, his place no sooner took,
THE spark disguised, he hardly settled in,
But awkwardness he presently forsook;
But awkwardness he soon left behind;
No more the miller, but the smart gallant:
No longer the miller, but the stylish gentleman:
The lady found him kind and complaisant;
The woman found him kind and agreeable;
Such moments we'll suppose were well employed;
Such moments we can assume were well spent;
Though trembling fears not perfectly destroyed.
Though trembling fears are not completely gone.
SHE, to herself, remarked, 'tis very strange,
SHE thought to herself, "It's very strange,"
This lad's demeanour should so quickly change;
This guy's attitude should change so quickly;
He's quite another character, 'tis clear;
He's definitely a different person, that's for sure;
What pity that his end should be so near;
What a shame that his end is so near;
Alas! he merits not so hard a fate;
Alas! he doesn't deserve such a harsh fate;
I feel regret the lot should him await;
I feel regret that the lot awaits him;
And while soft pleasure seems his heart's delight;
And while gentle pleasure appears to be what he loves most;
His soul is doomed from hence to take its flight.
His soul is doomed to take its flight from here.
THE husband who so fully gave consent,
The husband who fully agreed,
Was led his partner's suff'rings to lament
Was led to lament his partner's sufferings
The spirit of a queen in truth she showed,
The spirit of a queen, she truly revealed,
When cuckoldom was on her spouse bestowed;
When her husband was burdened with cuckoldry;
In decoration, forced to acquiesce,
In decor, forced to agree,
She would not condescend to join caress.
She wouldn’t stoop to join in with affection.
LUCRETIA howsoe'er the lad approved;
LUCRETIA however the guy approved;
His winning manners much her favour moved.
His charming behavior greatly impressed her.
WHEN he the subtle venom had subdued,
WHEN he had managed to control the subtle poison,
He took her hand, and having fondly sued,
He took her hand, and having affectionately pleaded,
Said he, your pardon lady now I ask;
Said he, "Excuse me, my lady, now I ask;"
Be not displeased when I remove the mask;
Be not upset when I take off the mask;
Your rage restrain; a trick on you's been played;
Your anger, hold back; someone has pulled a fast one on you;
Calimachus am I; be not dismayed;
Calimachus I am; do not be troubled;
Approve my sacrifice; the secret's known;
Approve my sacrifice; the secret's out;
Your rigour would be useless now if shown;
Your strictness would be pointless now if revealed;
Should I be doomed howe'er to breathe my last,
Should I be doomed however to breathe my last,
I die content, rememb'ring what has passed;
I die content, remembering what has passed;
You have the means my life at will to take;
You have the power to take my life whenever you want;
More havock with me soft delight could make,
More havoc with my gentle pleasure could create,
Than any poison that the draught possessed;
Than any poison that the drink contained;
Mere folly, imposition, all the rest.
Mere nonsense, trickery, and everything else.
TILL then Lucretia had resistance made;
TILL then Lucretia had resistance made;
To seem submissive she was still afraid;
To appear submissive, she was still scared;
The lover was not hated by the belle,
The beauty did not hate the lover,
But bashfulness she could not well dispel,
But she couldn't quite shake off her shyness,
Which, joined to simple manners mixed with fear,
Which, combined with straightforward behavior mixed with fear,
Ungrateful made her, spite of self, appear.
Ungrateful made her, despite herself, seem that way.
IN silence wrapt, and scarcely drawing breath,
IN silence wrapped, and barely taking a breath,
By passion moved, and yet ashamed to death,
By passion driven, yet feeling utterly ashamed,
Not knowing how to act, so great her grief,
Not knowing how to respond, her grief was so overwhelming,
From tears, her throbbing bosom sought relief.
From tears, her aching chest sought comfort.
Look, could she e'er her lover in the face?
Look, could she ever look her lover in the face?
Will he not think me covered with disgrace?
Will he not see me as completely disgraced?
Said she, within herself;—what else believe?
Said she to herself;—what else can she believe?
My wits were lost to let him thus deceive.
I was too foolish to let him trick me like that.
O'ercome by sorrow, then she turned her head,
O overwhelmed by sadness, she turned her head,
And tried to hide herself within the bed,
And tried to hide herself under the covers,
At furthest end, but vain alas her aim,
At the farthest end, but sadly, her goal was useless,
The lover thither in a moment came:
The lover arrived there in a moment:
Her only ground, remaining unsubdued,
Her only territory, still unconquered,
Surrendered when the vanquisher pursued,
Gave up when the victor chased,
Who every thing submitted to his will,
Who submitted everything to his will,
And tears no more her eyes were found to fill;
And her eyes no longer filled with tears;
Shame took to flight, and scruples spread the wing;
Shame took off, and doubts took flight;
How happy those whom duping GAIN can bring!
How happy are those whom deceptive GAIN can bring!
TOO soon Aurora for our spark appeared;
TOO soon Aurora for our spark appeared;
Too soon for her so thoroughly revered;
Too soon for her, so deeply admired;
Said he, the poison, that can life devour,
Said he, the poison that can take life away,
Requires repeated acts to crush its pow'r.
Requires repeated acts to crush its power.
The foll'wing days our youthful am'rous pair
The following days our young, romantic couple
Found opportunities for pleasing fare.
Found opportunities for great food.
The husband scarcely could himself contain,
The husband could barely contain himself,
So anxiously he wished his aim to gain.
So eagerly he wanted to achieve his goal.
THE lover from the belle at length arose,
THE lover from the beauty finally got up,
And hastened to his house to seek repose;
And hurried to his house to get some rest;
But scarcely had he placed himself in bed,
But hardly had he gotten into bed,
When our good husband's footsteps thither led;
When our good husband's footsteps led him there;
He, to the spark, related with delight,
He delightedly related to the spark,
How mandrake-juice succeeded in the night.
How mandrake juice worked at night.
Said he, at first beside the bed I crept,
Said he, at first I quietly moved next to the bed,
And listened if the miller near her kept,
And listened to see if the miller nearby was still working,
Or whether he to converse was inclined,
Or if he was in the mood to chat,
And ev'ry way to act as was designed.
And every way to act as it was intended.
I then my wife was anxious to address,
I then my wife was anxious to address,
And whispered that she should the youth caress;
And whispered that she should embrace the young man;
Nor dread too much the spoiling of her charms:
Nor worry too much about losing her charms:
Indeed 'twas all embarrassing alarms.
Indeed, it was all embarrassing alarms.
Don't think, said I, that either can deceive;
Don't think, I said, that either of them can trick you;
I ev'ry thing shall hear, you may believe;
I will hear everything, you can believe that;
Know, Nicia is a man, who well may say,
Know, Nicia is a man who can definitely say,
He's trusted without measure ev'ry day.
He's trusted without limits every day.
PRAY recollect my very life 's at stake,
PRAY remember that my very life is at stake,
And do not many difficulties make.
And don't create too many difficulties.
Convince thereby how much your spouse you love;
Convince your spouse just how much you love them;
'Twill pleasure doubtless give the pow'rs above.
It will surely please the powers above.
But should the blockhead any how prove shy
But if the fool happens to be shy
Send instantly to me; I shall be nigh;
Send it to me right away; I’ll be nearby;
I'm going now to rest; by no means fail;
I'm heading off to rest now; don’t miss it;
We'll soon contrive and ev'ry way prevail.
We'll soon find a way to succeed in everything.
But there was no necessity for this;
But there was no need for this;
'Tis pretty clear that nothing went amiss.
It's pretty clear that nothing went wrong.
In fact the rustick liked the business well,
In fact, the country person liked the job a lot,
And seemed unwilling to resign the belle,
And seemed reluctant to give up the beauty,
I pity him, and much lament his lot;
I feel sorry for him and really regret his situation;
But—he must die and soon will be forgot:
But—he will die and soon be forgotten:
A fig for those who used to crack their jest;
A pox on those who used to make their jokes;
In nine months' time a child will be the test.
In nine months, a child will be the test.
THE RHEMESE
Original
NO city I to Rheims would e'er prefer:
NO city I would ever prefer to Rheims:
Of France the pride and honour I aver;
Of France, I proclaim my pride and honor;
The Holy Ampoule * and delicious wine,
The Holy Ampoule * and tasty wine,
Which ev'ry one regards as most divine,
Which everyone considers to be the most divine,
We'll set apart, and other objects take:
We'll set aside, and other things will take:
The beauties round a paradise might make!
The beauties around a paradise could create!
I mean not tow'rs nor churches, gates, nor streets;
I’m not talking about towers or churches, gates, or streets;
But charming belles with soft enchanting sweets:
But charming beauties with softly enchanting treats:
Such oft among the fair Rhemese we view:
Such things we often see among the beautiful people of Rheims:
Kings might be proud those graces to pursue.
Kings might take pride in pursuing those virtues.
ONE 'mong these belles had to the altar led,
ONE 'mong these belles had to the altar led,
A painter, much esteemed, and who had bread.
A well-respected painter who earned a living.
What more was requisite!—he lived at ease,
What more did he need?—he lived comfortably,
And by his occupation sought to please.
And through his work, he tried to make others happy.
A happy woman all believed his wife;
A happy woman was what everyone believed his wife was;
The husband's talents pleased her to the life:
The husband's skills made her genuinely happy:
For gallantry howe'er he was renowned,
For his bravery, he was well-known,
And many am'rous dames, who dwelled around,
And many romantic ladies, who lived nearby,
Would seek the artist with a double aim:
Would look for the artist with two goals:
So all our chronicles record his fame.
So all our records reflect his fame.
But since much penetration 's not my boast,
But since having a deep insight isn't my claim,
I just believe—what's requisite at most.
I just believe—what's essential.
WHENE'ER the painter had in hand a fair,
WHENE'ER the painter had in hand a fair,
He'd jest his wife, and laugh with easy air;
He'd joke with his wife and laugh casually;
But Hymen's rights proceeding as they ought,
But Hymen's rights are happening as they should,
With jealous fears her breast was never fraught.
With jealous fears, her heart was never filled.
She might indeed repay his tricks in kind,
She might actually get back at him with the same tricks.
And gratify, in soft amours, her mind,
And please, in gentle romances, her mind,
Except that she less confidence had shown,
Except that she had shown less confidence,
And was not led to him the truth to own.
And wasn't led to accept the truth.
AMONG the men attracted by her smiles,
AMONG the guys drawn in by her smiles,
Two neighbours, much delighted with her wiles;
Two neighbors, very pleased with her tricks;
Were often tempted, by her sprightly wit,
Were often tempted by her lively sense of humor,
To listen to her chat, and with her sit;
To listen to her talk and spend time with her;
For she had far the most engaging mien,
For she had by far the most captivating presence,
Of any charmer that around was seen.
Of any charmer that was seen around.
Superior understanding she possessed;
She had superior understanding;
Though fond of laughter, frolick, fun, and jest.
Though fond of laughter, play, fun, and jokes.
She to her husband presently disclosed
She told her husband quickly.
The love these cit-gallants to her proposed;
The love these city guys proposed to her;
Both known for arrant blockheads through the town,
Both notorious for being complete idiots around town,
And ever boasting of their own renown.
And always bragging about their own fame.
To him she gave their various speeches, tones,
To him, she shared their different speeches, tones,
Each silly air: their tears, and sighs, and groans;
Each silly mood: their tears, and sighs, and groans;
They'd read, or rather heard, we may believe,
They'd read, or more accurately heard, we can believe,
That, when in love, with sighs fond bosoms heave.
That, when in love, with sighs, tender hearts rise.
Their utmost to succeed these coxcombs tried,
Their best to succeed, these fools tried,
And seemed convinced they should not be denied;
And seemed sure they wouldn't be denied;
A common cause they would the business hold,
A common reason they would run the business,
And what one knew the other must be told.
And whatever one knew, the other had to be informed.
Whichever first a favour might obtain,
Whichever favor might be granted first,
Should tell his happiness to t'other swain.
Should share his happiness with the other guy.
YE FAIR 'tis thus they oft your kindness treat:
YE FAIR 'tis thus they oft your kindness treat:
The pleasure that he wished alone is sweet.
The pleasure he desired alone is sweet.
LOVE, is no more; of t'other, laid in earth,
LOVE is no more; the other has been laid to rest,
We've here no traces scarcely from the birth.
We've barely any traces from the birth.
You serve for sport and prey, to giddy youth,
You serve for fun and for the thrill, to excited young people,
Devoid of talents, principles, and truth.
No talents, principles, or honesty.
'Tis right they should suppose, still two are found;
'Tis right they should assume, yet still two are found;
Who take their course continually round.
Who keep going in a constant circle.
The first that in your pleasure grounds appears;
The first that shows up in your enjoyment areas;
I'd have you, on his wings, to use the shears.
I'd have you, on his wings, to use the scissors.
OUR lady then, her lovers to deceive,
OUR lady then, to trick her lovers,
One day observed—you shall, my friends, this eve;
One day, you shall see, my friends, this evening;
Drink wine with me:—my husband will away,
Drink wine with me—my husband will be away,
And, what's delightful, till to-morrow stay;
And, what's great, stay until tomorrow;
We shall ourselves be able to amuse,
We will be able to entertain ourselves,
And laugh, and sing, and talk as we may choose.
And laugh, and sing, and talk as we like.
'Tis excellent, cried they: things well you frame;
'It's excellent,' they cried. 'You create things well;
And at the promised hour, the heroes came.
And at the promised time, the heroes arrived.
WHEN introduced, and all supposing clear,
WHEN introduced, and all assumptions clear,
A sudden knocking turned their joy to fear;
A sudden knock changed their joy to fear;
The door was barred; she to the window flew;
The door was locked; she rushed to the window;
I think, said she, that's to the master due;
I think, she said, that's what the master deserves;
And should it prove to be as I suspect:—
And if it turns out to be what I think:—
'Tis he, I vow:—fly, hide, he'll you detect;
'Tis he, I swear:—run, hide, he'll catch you;
Some accident, suspicion, or design,
Some accident, suspicion, or intent,
Has brought him back to sleep, I now divine:
Has brought him back to sleep, I now see:
OUR two gallants, when dangers round them pressed,
OUR two heroes, when dangers surrounded them,
A closet entered, mightily distressed;
A closet entered, very upset;
To get away 'twere folly to have tried;
To try to escape would have been foolish;
The husband came, the roast he quickly spied;
The husband came home and quickly noticed the roast.
With pigeons too, in diff'rent fashions cooked;
With pigeons as well, cooked in various ways;
Why, hey! said he, as round about he looked:
Why, hey! he said, as he looked around:
What guests have you that supper you prepare?
What guests do you have for the dinner you're making?
The wife replied: two neighbours taste our fare:
The wife replied, "Two neighbors are trying our food."
Sweet Alice, and good Simonetta, mean
Sweet Alice and good Simonetta, mean
To-night, at table with us to be seen;
To night, at the table with us to be seen;
I'm quite rejoiced to think that you are here:
I'm really happy to know that you are here:
The company will more complete appear;
The company will appear more complete;
These dames will, by your presence, nothing lose;
These ladies won’t lose anything by your being here;
I'll run and hasten them: 'twill you amuse;
I'll hurry and bring them: it will entertain you;
The whole is ready; I'll at once away,
The whole thing is ready; I’ll leave right away,
And beg, in coming, they'll no more delay.
And please, when they arrive, they won't postpone any longer.
Original
THE ladies named were wives of our gallants,
THE ladies mentioned were the wives of our gentlemen,
So fond of contraband, and smuggled grants,
So passionate about illegal goods and hidden favors,
Who, vexed to be confined, still praised the dame,
Who, frustrated by being trapped, still praised the woman,
For skewing such address to 'scape from blame.
For directing such attention to avoid blame.
She soon returned, and with her brought the FAIR,
She soon came back, and with her she brought the FAIR,
Who, gaily singing, entered free from care.
Who, cheerfully singing, entered without a worry.
The painter them received with bow and kiss;
The painter greeted them with a bow and a kiss;
To praise their beauty he was not remiss;
To compliment their beauty, he was not shy;
Their dress was charming; all he much admired;
Their outfit was charming; he admired it a lot;
Their presence frolick, fun, and jest inspired,
Their playful presence, full of fun and laughter, inspired,
Which no way pleased the husbands in the cage,
Which did not please the husbands in the cage at all,
Who saw the freaks with marks of bursting rage:
Who saw the freaks with signs of exploding anger:
The door half open gave a view complete,
The door, half open, provided a full view,
How freely he their wives was led to treat.
How freely he treated their wives.
THINGS thus commenced, the supper next was served;
THINGS then started, the dinner was served next;
From playful tricks the painter never swerved,
From playful tricks, the painter never strayed,
But placed himself at table 'twist the two,
But positioned himself at the table between the two,
And jest and frolicking would still pursue.
And jokes and fun would still continue.
To women, wine, and fun, said he, I drink;
To women, wine, and fun, he said, I drink;
Put round the toast; none from it e'er must shrink;
Put around the toast; no one from it should ever back away;
The order was obeyed; the glass oft filled
The order was followed; the glass was often filled.
The party soon had all the liquor swilled:
The party quickly finished all the drinks:
THE wife just then, it seems, no servant kept;
THE wife just then, it seems, had no servant.
More wine to get, she to the cellar stept.
More wine to get, she stepped to the cellar.
But dreading ghosts, she Simonetta prayed;
But fearing ghosts, she prayed to Simonetta;
To light her down, she was so much afraid.
To guide her down, she was really scared.
THE painter was alone with Alice left,
THE painter was alone with Alice remaining,
A country belle, of beauty not bereft:
A country girl, beautiful and full of life:
Slight, nicely made, with rather pretty face,
Slight, well-made, with a quite attractive face,
She thought herself possessed of ev'ry grace,
She believed she had every grace,
And, in a country town, she well might get
And, in a rural town, she could definitely get
The appellation of a gay coquette.
The title of a gay flirt.
THE wily spark, perceiving no one near;
THE clever spark, noticing that no one was around;
Soon ran from compliment to sweet and dear;
Soon shifted from flattery to affection.
Her lips assailed;—the tucker drew aside,
Her lips were attacked;—the tucker pulled aside,
And stole a kiss that hurt her husband's pride,
And stole a kiss that hurt her husband's ego,
Who all beheld; but spouses, that are sage,
Who all saw it; but wise partners,
No trifles heed, nor peccadillos page;
No small things to ignore, nor minor faults to mention;
Though, doubtless, when such meetings are possessed,
Though, undoubtedly, when such meetings take place,
The simple kiss gives room to dread the rest;
The quick kiss makes you worry about what comes next;
For when the devil whispers in the ear
For when the devil speaks in your ear
Of one that sleeps, he wakes at once to fear.
Of someone who sleeps, they wake up immediately filled with fear.
THE husband, howsoe'er, at length perceived
The husband eventually realized
Still more concessions, which his bosom grieved;
Still more compromises, which weighed heavily on his heart;
While on the neck a hand appeared to please,
While on the neck, a hand seemed to bring pleasure,
The other wandered equally at ease;
The other wandered just as comfortably;
Be not offended, love! was often said;
Be not offended, love! was often said;
To frantick rage the sight her sposo led,
To frantic rage the sight her husband led,
Who, beating in his hat, was on the move
Who, banging his hat, was on the go
To sally forth, his wrath to let them prove,
To charge ahead, his anger to let them show,
To thrash his wife, and force her spark to feel
To hit his wife and make her feel alive
his nervous arm could quickly make him reel.
his anxious arm could easily make him stumble.
BE not so silly, whispered t'other Wight;
BE not so silly, whispered the other person;
To stir up noise could ne'er be reckoned right;
To make a fuss could never be considered right;
Be quiet now: consider where we are;
Be quiet now: think about where we are;
Keep close, or else you'll all our pleasures mar;
Keep close, or else you’ll ruin all our fun;
Remember, written 'tis, By others do
Remember, it is written, By others do
The same as you would like they should by you;
Treat others the way you want to be treated;
'Tis proper in this place we should remain
'Tis proper in this place we should remain
Till all is hushed in sleep: then freedom gain;
Till everything is quiet in sleep: then freedom is achieved;
That's my opinion how we ought to act
That's my opinion on how we should act.
Are you not half a cuckold now, in fact?
Are you not kind of a cuckold now, really?
Fair Alice has consented:-that's enough;
Fair Alice has agreed: that's enough;
The rest is mere compliance, nonsense, stuff!
The rest is just following the rules, nonsense, stuff!
THE husband seemed the reasons to approve;
THE husband seemed to have reasons to approve;
Some slight attempts the lady made to move;
Some small efforts the lady made to move;
No time for more. What then? you ask:—Why, then—
No time for more. What then? you ask:—Well, then—
The lady put her cap to rights agen;
The lady fixed her cap again;
No mark appeared suspicion to awake,
No sign appeared to raise any suspicion,
Except her cheek a scarlet hue might take.
Except her cheek might take on a scarlet hue.
Mere trifle that; from talking it might spring;
Mere triviality; it might come from conversation;
And other causes, doubtless, we could bring.
And there are definitely other reasons we could mention.
ONE of the belles, howe'er, who went for wine,
ONE of the beauties, however, who went to get wine,
Smiled, on returning, at the blushing sign:
Smiled upon returning at the blushing sign:
The painter's wife; but soon they filled each glass,
The painter's wife; but soon they filled each glass,
And briskly round the bottle seemed to pass;
And quickly the bottle seemed to go around;
They drank the host, the hostess, and the FAIR,
They drank together: the host, the hostess, and the FAIR,
Who, 'mong the three, should first her wishes share.
Who among the three should first share her wishes.
AT length, a second time the bottle failed;
AT length, the bottle broke for the second time;
The hostess' fear of ghosts again prevailed,
The hostess's fear of ghosts took over again,
And mistress Alice now for escort went,
And now, Mistress Alice went for an escort,
Though much she wished the other to have sent;
Though she really wished the other person had sent it;
With Simonetta she was forced to change,
With Simonetta, she had to change,
And leave the painter at his ease to range.
And let the painter feel free to explore.
THIS dame at first appeared to be severe
THIS lady at first seemed to be strict
Would leave the room, and feigned to be sincere;
Would leave the room and pretended to be genuine;
But when the painter seized her by the gown,
But when the painter grabbed her by the dress,
She prudence showed, and feared he'd pull her down;
She was cautious, worried that he would drag her down;
Her clothes might tear, which led her to remain:
Her clothes might rip, which made her stay:
On this the husband scarcely could contain;
On this, the husband could hardly hold back;
He seemed resolved his hiding place to leave;
He seemed determined to leave his hiding place;
But instantly the other pulled his sleeve;
But right away the other one grabbed his sleeve;
Be easy friend, said he, it is but right,
Be easy, my friend, he said, it’s just right,
That equal favours we should have to-night,
That we should receive equal favors tonight,
And cuckoldom should take you to his care,
And being a cuckold should bring you under his care,
That we alike in ev'ry thing may fare.
That we can succeed in everything together.
ARE we not brothers in adventure, pray?
Are we not brothers in adventure, please?
And such our solemn promises, to-day.
And these are our serious promises today.
Since one the painter clearly has disgraced,
Since one the painter clearly has disgraced,
The other equally should be embraced.
The other should be embraced just as much.
In spite of ev'ry thing you now advance,
In spite of everything you’re saying now,
Your wife as well as mine shall have a dance;
Your wife and mine will both have a dance;
A hand I'll lend, if wanting it be found;
A hand I'll lend, if you need it.
Say what you will, I'll see she has her round.
Say what you want, I'll make sure she gets her turn.
She had it then:—our painter tried to please;
She had it then:—our painter tried to impress;
The lady equally appeared at ease;
The woman also appeared relaxed;
Full time the others gave, and when they came,
Full time the others gave, and when they came,
More wine was not required by spark nor dame;
More wine was not needed by either spark or lady;
'Twas late, and for the day enough he'd done;
'It was late, and he had done enough for the day;
Good night was said: their course the belles had run;
Goodnight was said: their journey the beauties had completed;
The painter, satisfied, retired to rest;
The painter, feeling content, went to bed;
The gay gallants, who lay so long distressed,
The stylish guys, who were troubled for so long,
The wily hostess from the closet drew,
The crafty hostess from the closet pulled,
Abashed, disconsolate, and cuckolds too;
Embarrassed, sad, and betrayed too;
Still worse to think, with all their care and pain;
Still worse to think, with all their effort and suffering;
That neither of them could his wish obtain,
That neither of them could get his wish,
Or e'en return the dame what she procured
Or even return the lady what she acquired.
Their wives, whom she so cleverly allured.
Their wives, whom she tricked so cleverly.
HERE ends our tale; the business is complete;
HERE ends our story; the job is done;
In soft amours success alone is sweet.
In gentle romances, only success feels sweet.
* The Saint Ampoule, or Holy Ampulla, a vial said to have
* The Saint Ampoule, or Holy Ampulla, a vial said to have
descended from heaven, in which was oil for anointing the
descended from heaven, containing oil for anointing the
kings of France at the coronation, and formerly kept at Rheims.
kings of France at the coronation, and previously stored in Rheims.
THE AMOROUS COURTESAN
DAN CUPID, though the god of soft amour,
DAN CUPID, even though he’s the god of gentle love,
In ev'ry age works miracles a store;
In every era, miracles abound;
Can Catos change to male coquets at ease;
Can Catos easily change into male flirts;
And fools make oracles whene'er he please;
And fools create prophecies whenever they want;
Turn wolves to sheep, and ev'ry thing so well,
Turn wolves into sheep, and everything goes so well,
That naught remains the former shape to tell:
That nothing retains its former shape to show:
Remember, Hercules, with wond'rous pow'r,
Remember, Hercules, with wondrous power,
And Polyphemus, who would men devour:
And Polyphemus, who would eat men:
The one upon a rock himself would fling,
The one who would throw himself onto a rock,
And to the winds his am'rous ditties sing;
And to the winds, he sings his love songs;
To cut his beard a nymph could him inspire;
To inspire him to trim his beard, a nymph could do it;
And, in the water, he'd his face admire.
And, in the water, he admired his face.
His club the other to a spindle changed,
His club changed to a spindle.
To please the belle with whom he often ranged.
To impress the beautiful woman he often spent time with.
A hundred instances the fact attest,
A hundred examples prove the point,
But sage Boccace has one, it is confessed,
But it's acknowledged that the wise Boccaccio has one,
Which seems to me, howe'er we search around,
Which seems to me, however we look around,
To be a sample, rarely to be found.
To be an example, seldom seen.
'Tis Chimon that I mean, a savage youth,
'Tis Chimon that I'm talking about, a wild young man,
Well formed in person, but the rest uncouth,
Well-built in body, but the rest is awkward,
A-bear in mind, but Cupid much can do,
A-bear in mind, but Cupid can do a lot,
LOVE licked the cub, and decent soon he grew.
LOVE licked the cub, and he soon grew decent.
A fine gallant at length the lad appeared;
A great gentleman finally appeared, the young man;
From whence the change?—Fine eyes his bosom cheered
From where did the change come?—Beautiful eyes brought him comfort.
The piercing rays no sooner reached his sight,
The bright rays barely reached his vision,
But all the savage took at once to flight;
But all the savages immediately ran away;
He felt the tender flame; polite became;
He felt the gentle warmth; he became polite;
You'll find howe'er, our tale is not the same.
You'll see, however, our story is not the same.
Original
I MEAN to state how once an easy fair,
I mean to say how once an easy fair,
Who oft amused the youth devoid of care,
Who often entertained the carefree youth,
A tender flame within her heart retained,
A gentle flame inside her heart remained,
Though haughty, singular, and unrestrained.
Though arrogant, unique, and wild.
Not easy 'twas her favours to procure;
Not easy it was to get her attention;
Rome was the place where dwelled this belle impure;
Rome was the place where this beautiful but flawed person lived;
The mitre and the cross with her were naught;
The mitre and the cross were nothing to her;
Though at her feet, she'd give them not a thought;
Though at her feet, she wouldn't give them a second thought;
And those who were not of the highest class,
And those who weren't from the highest class,
No moments were allowed with her to pass.
No moments with her were allowed to slip by.
A member of the conclave, first in rank,
A member of the conclave, the highest in rank,
To be her slave, she'd scarcely deign to thank;
To be her servant, she'd hardly bother to say thank you;
Unless a cardinal's gay nephew came,
Unless a cardinal's gay nephew came,
And then, perhaps, she'd listen to his flame;
And then, maybe, she'd listen to his passion;
The pope himself, had he perceived her charms,
The pope himself, if he had noticed her charms,
Would not have been too good to grace her arms.
Wouldn't have been great to be in her arms.
Her pride appeared in clothes as well as air,
Her pride showed in her clothing as well as her demeanor,
And on her sparkled gold and jewels rare;
And on her sparkling gold and rare jewels;
In all the elegance of dress arrayed,
In all the elegance of dressed up,
Embroidery and lace, her taste displayed.
Embroidery and lace showcased her style.
THE god of soft amour beheld her aim;
THE god of soft love saw her intentions;
And sought at once her haughty soul to tame;
And immediately tried to tame her proud spirit;
A Roman gentleman, of finest form,
A Roman gentleman, of the finest type,
Soon in her bosom raised a furious storm;
Soon in her heart, a furious storm brewed;
Camillus was the name this youth had got;
Camillus was the name this young man had received;
The nymph's was Constance, that LOVE'S arrow shot:
The nymph was Constance, whom LOVE'S arrow struck:
Though he was mild, good humoured, and serene,
Though he was calm, cheerful, and laid-back,
No sooner Constance had his person seen,
No sooner had Constance seen him,
And in her breast received the urchin's dart,
And in her heart felt the sting of the little boy's arrow,
Than throbs, and trembling fears o'erwhelmed her heart.
Than throbs, and trembling fears overwhelmed her heart.
The flame she durst declare no other way,
The flame she dared to express no other way,
Than by those sighs, which feelings oft betray.
Than by those sighs, which feelings often reveal.
Till then, nor shame nor aught could her retain;
Till then, neither shame nor anything else could hold her back;
Now all was changed:—her bashfulness was plain.
Now everything had changed: her shyness was obvious.
As none, howe'er, could think the subtle flame
As no one, however, could perceive the subtle flame
Would lie concealed with such a haughty dame,
Would lie hidden with such a proud woman,
Camillus nothing of the kind supposed.
Camillus didn't think anything like that.
Though she incessantly by looks disclosed,
Though she constantly revealed through her looks,
That something unrevealed disturbed the soul,
That something unknown troubled the soul,
And o'er her mind had absolute control.
And had complete control over her mind.
Whatever presents Constance might receive,
Whatever gifts Constance might receive,
Still pensive sighs her breast appeared to heave:
Still thoughtful, she seemed to sigh deeply.
Her tints of beauty too, began to fail,
Her shades of beauty also started to fade,
And o'er the rose, the lily to prevail.
And over the rose, the lily to win.
ONE night Camillus had a party met,
ONE night Camillus had a gathering,
Of youthful beaux and belles, a charming set,
Of young guys and girls, a delightful group,
And, 'mong the rest, fair Constance was a guest;
And among the others, beautiful Constance was a guest;
The evening passed in jollity and jest;
The evening went by in laughter and fun;
For few to holy converse seemed inclined,
For few seemed interested in meaningful conversation,
And none for Methodists appeared designed:
And none for Methodists seemed intended:
Not one, but Constance, deaf to wit was found,
Not just one, but Constance, who was oblivious to wit, was found,
And, on her, raillery went briskly round.
And, jokes were going around her quickly.
THE supper o'er the company withdrew,
THE dinner was over and the guests left,
But Constance suddenly was lost to view;
But Constance suddenly disappeared from sight;
Beside a certain bed she took her seat,
Beside a certain bed, she sat down,
Where no one ever dreamed she would retreat,
Where no one ever imagined she would back down,
And all supposed, that ill, or spirits weak,
And everyone thought that they were sick or that their spirits were low,
She home had run, or something wished to seek.
She had run home, or something she wanted to find.
THE company retired, Camillus said,
The company closed, Camillus said,
He meant to write before he went to bed,
He intended to write before going to bed,
And told his valet he might go to rest
And told his servant he could go to bed.
A lucky circumstance, it is confessed.
A fortunate situation, it is acknowledged.
Thus left alone, and as the belle desired;
Thus left alone, just as the beauty wanted;
Who, from her soul, the spark so much admired;
Who, from her heart, the spark so highly praised;
Yet knew not how the subject to disclose,
Yet did not know how to reveal the subject,
Or, in what way her wishes to propose;
Or, how she wants to suggest it;
At length, with trembling accents, she revealed;
At last, with shaking voice, she revealed;
The flame she longer could not keep concealed.
The flame she could no longer hide.
Original
EXCEEDINGLY surprised Camillus seemed,
Camillus seemed really surprised,
And scarcely could believe but what he dreamed;
And he could hardly believe that he wasn't dreaming;
Why, hey! said he, good lady, is it thus,
Why, hey! he said, good lady, is it like this,
With favoured friends, you doubtful points discuss?
With your close friends, do you talk about any uncertainties?
He made her sit, and then his seat regained
He made her sit, and then he took his seat again.
Who would have thought, cried he, you here remained;
Who would have thought, he exclaimed, that you stayed here;
Now who this hiding place to you could tell?
Now who could tell you about this hiding place?
'Twas LOVE, fond LOVE! replied the beauteous belle;
'Twas LOVE, sweet LOVE! replied the beautiful girl;
And straight a blush her lovely cheek suffused,
And immediately, a blush spread across her beautiful cheek,
So rare with those to Cyprian revels used;
So rare with those who used to enjoy Cyprian parties;
For Venus's vot'ries, to pranks resigned,
For Venus's followers, resigned to tricks,
Another way, to get a colour, find.
Another way to get a color is to find it.
CAMILLUS, truly, some suspicions had,
CAMILLUS truly had some suspicions,
That he was loved, though neither fool nor mad;
That he was loved, even though he was neither a fool nor crazy;
Nor such a novice in the Paphian scene,
Nor such a newcomer in the Paphian scene,
But what he could at once some notions glean:
But what he could immediately gather were some ideas:
More certain tokens, howsoe'er, to get,
More certain tokens, however, to obtain,
And set the lady's feelings on the fret,
And put the lady's feelings on edge,
By trying if the gloom that o'er her reigned
By trying to see if the gloom that hung over her
Was only sly pretence, he coldness feigned.
Was just a clever act, his coolness was fake.
SHE often sighed as if her heart would break;
SHE often sighed like her heart was about to shatter;
At length love's piercing anguish made her speak:
At last, the intense pain of love made her talk:
What you will say, cried she, I cannot guess,
What you're going to say, she exclaimed, I can't imagine,
To see me thus a fervent flame confess.
To see me like this, confessing my intense feelings.
The very thought my face with crimson dyes;
The very thought colors my face red;
My way of life no shield for this supplies;
My lifestyle offers no protection for this supply;
The moment pure affection 's in the soul,
The moment true love is in the heart,
No longer wanton freaks the mind control.
No longer free-spirited, the mind is under control.
MY conduct to excuse, what can I say?
MY conduct to excuse, what can I say?
O could my former life be done away,
O could my former life be erased,
And in your recollection naught remain,
And in your memory, nothing stays,
But what might virtuous constancy maintain
But what could steadfast virtue uphold
At all event, my frankness overlook,
At any rate, my honesty gets overlooked,
Too well I see, the fatal path I took
Too clearly I see the deadly path I chose.
Has such displeasure to your breast conveyed,
Has such disappointment reached your heart,
My zeal will rather hurt than give me aid;
My enthusiasm will likely hurt me more than help me;
But hurt or not, I'll idolize you still:
But whether I’m hurt or not, I’ll still look up to you:
Beat, drive away, contemn me as you will;
Beat, push me away, look down on me however you want;
Or worse, if you the torment can contrive
Or worse, if you can come up with the torment
I'm your's alone, Camillus, while alive.
I'm yours alone, Camillus, while I'm alive.
TO this harangue the wary youth replied
TO this speech the cautious young man replied
In truth, fair lady, I could ne'er decide,
In truth, fair lady, I could never decide,
To criticise what others round may do.—
To criticize what others around may do.—
'Tis not the line I'd willingly pursue;
'It's not the path I would choose to take;
And I will freely say, that your discourse
And I will freely say that your conversation
Has much surprised me, though 'tis void of force.
Has surprised me a lot, even though it lacks strength.
To you it surely never can belong,
To you, it surely can never belong,
To say variety in love is wrong;
To say there's variety in love is wrong;
Besides, your sex, and decency, 'tis clear,
Besides, it's obvious that your gender and decency,
To ev'ry disadvantage you appear.
To every disadvantage you show.
What use this eloquence, and what your aim?
What’s the point of this eloquence, and what’s your goal?
Such charms alone as your's could me inflame;
Such charms like yours could ignite my passion;
Their pow'r is great, but fully I declare,
Their power is great, but I fully declare,
I do not like advances from the FAIR.
I don’t appreciate offers from the FAIR.
Original
To Constance this a thunder-clap appeared;
To Constance, this felt like a thunderclap;
Howe'er, she in her purpose persevered.
However, she stayed focused on her goal.
Said she, this treatment doubtless I deserve;
Said she, I probably deserve this treatment;
But still, from truth my tongue can never swerve,
But still, I can never stray from the truth.
And if I may presume my thoughts to speak,
And if I may let my thoughts express themselves,
The plan which I've pursued your love to seek,
The plan I've followed to win your love,
Had never proved injurious to my cause,
Had never hurt my cause,
If still my beauty merited applause.
If my beauty still deserved praise.
From what you've said, and what your looks express
From what you've said and what your expressions show
To please your sight, no charms I now possess.
To please you, I have no charms left.
Whence comes this change?—to you I will refer;
Whence comes this change?—to you I will refer;
Till now I was admired, you must aver;
Till now I have been admired, you have to admit;
And ev'ry one my person highly praised;
And everyone praised me a lot;
These precious gifts, that admiration raised,
These precious gifts, that admiration brought,
Alas! are fled, and since I felt LOVE'S flame,
Alas! they are gone, and ever since I felt LOVE's flame,
Experience whispers, I'm no more the same;
Experience whispers, I'm not the same anymore;
No longer have charms that please your eyes:
No longer do the charms that please your eyes exist:
How happy I should feel if they'd suffice!
How happy I'd be if they were enough!
THE suppliant belle now hoped to be allowed
THE suppliant belle now hoped to be allowed
One half his bed to whom her sighs were vowed;
One half of his bed was dedicated to her sighs;
But terror closed her lips; she nothing said,
But fear kept her quiet; she said nothing,
Though oft her eyes were to his pillow led.
Though she often turned her eyes to his pillow.
To be confused the wily stripling feigned,
To pretend to be confused, the clever young man acted.
And like a statue for a time remained.
And for a while, she stood still like a statue.
AT length he said:—I know not what to do;
AT length he said:—I don’t know what to do;
Undressing, by myself, I can't pursue.
Undressing alone, I can't go on.
Shall I your valet call? rejoined the fair;
Shall I call your assistant? replied the beautiful one;
On no account, said he, with looks of care;
On no account, he said, looking concerned;
I would not have you in my chamber seen,
I wouldn't want you to be seen in my room,
Nor thought that here, by night, a girl had been,
Nor did I think that a girl had been here at night,
Your caution is enough, the belle replied:
Your caution is sufficient, the beauty replied:
Myself between the wall and bed I'll hide,
Myself between the wall and bed, I'll hide,
'Twill what you fear prevent, and ills avoid;
It will prevent what you fear and avoid troubles;
But bolt the door: you'll then be not annoyed;
But lock the door: you'll then be free from annoyance;
Let no one come; for once I'll do my best,
Let no one come; for once I'll give it my all,
And as your valet act till you're undressed;
And as your butler helps you get undressed;
To am'rous Constance this permission grant
To loving Constance, this permission is granted
The honour would her throbbing breast enchant.
The honor would captivate her racing heart.
THE youth to her proposal gave consent,
THE young man agreed to her proposal,
And Constance instantly to business went;
And Constance immediately got to work;
The means she used to take his clothes were such,
The way she took his clothes was such,
That scarcely once his person felt her touch;
That hardly ever did his body feel her touch;
She stopt not there, but even freely chose
She didn’t stop there, but freely chose
To take from off his feet, both shoes and hose
To remove both his shoes and socks
What, say you:—With her hands did Constance this?
What, you say:—Did Constance do this with her hands?
Pray tell me what you see therein amiss?
Pray tell me what you see wrong with it?
I wish sincerely I could do the same,
I truly wish I could do the same,
With one for whom I feel a tender flame.
With someone I feel a deep affection for.
BETWEEN the clothes in haste Camillus flew,
BETWEEN the clothes in a hurry, Camillus rushed,
Without inviting Constance to pursue.
Without inviting Constance to chase.
She thought at first he meant to try her love;
She initially thought he wanted to test her love;
But raillery, this conduct was above.
But teasing, this behavior was beyond that.
His aim, howe'er more fully to unfold,
His goal, however, is to explain more clearly,
She presently observed:—'Tis very cold;
She's currently noticing: It's really cold;
Where shall I sleep? said she:
Where should I sleep? she said:
CAMILLUS
CAMILLUS
Just where you please;
Just where you want;
CONSTANCE
CONSTANCE
What, on this chair?
What’s this chair for?
CAMILLUS
CAMILLUS
No, no, be more at ease;
No, no, just chill out;
Come into bed.
Get in bed.
CONSTANCE
CONSTANCE
Unlace me then, I pray.
Unlace me, please.
CAMILLUS
CAMILLUS
I cannot: I'm undressed, and cold as clay:
I can’t: I’m not dressed, and I'm freezing.
Unlace yourself.—
Unlace yourself.
Just then the belle perceived
Just then the beauty noticed
A poinard, which anxiety relieved;
A dagger that eased anxiety;
She drew it from the scabbard, cut her lace,
She pulled it from the sheath, snipped her lace,
And many parts of dress designed for grace,
And many pieces of clothing meant for elegance,
The works of months, embroidery and flow'r
The work of months, embroidery and flowers
Now perished in the sixtieth of an hour,
Now passed in the sixtieth of an hour,
Without regret, or seeming to lament,
Without regret or any hint of sorrow,
What more than life will of the sex content.
What more can life offer than the contentment of sex?
YE dames of Britain, Germany, or France,
YE dames of Britain, Germany, or France,
Would you have done as much, through complaisance?
Would you have gone that far just to be agreeable?
You would not, I'm convinced: the thing is clear;
You definitely wouldn't, I'm sure: it's obvious;
But doubtless this, at Rome, must fine appear.
But this must surely seem great in Rome.
POOR Constance softly to the bed approached,
POOR Constance softly approached the bed,
No longer now supposing she encroached,
No longer thinking she was intruding,
And trusting that, no stratagem again
And believing that, no trick again
Would be contrived to give her bosom pain.
Would be forced to make her chest hurt.
Camillus said: my sentiments I'll speak;
Camillus said: I'll share my thoughts;
Dissimulation I will never seek;
I will never seek deception;
She who can proffer what should be denied,
She who can offer what should be refused,
Shall never be admitted by my side;
Shall never be allowed by my side;
But if the place your approbation meet,
But if the place you approve,
I won't refuse your lying at my feet.
I won't turn down your lying at my feet.
FAIR Constance such reproof could not withstand,
FAIR Constance couldn't handle such criticism,
'Twas well the poinard was not in her hand;
'Twas good the dagger wasn't in her hand;
Her bosom so severely felt the smart,
Her chest felt the pain so intensely,
She would have plunged the dagger through her heart:
She would have driven the knife through her heart:
But Hope, sweet Hope! still fluttered to her view;
But Hope, sweet Hope! still appeared before her;
And young Camillus pretty well she knew;
And she knew young Camillus pretty well;
Howe'er with such severity he spoke,
No matter how harshly he spoke,
That e'en the mildest saint it would provoke;
That even the mildest saint it would provoke;
Yet, in a swain so easy, gentle, kind,
Yet, in a guy so easygoing, gentle, and kind,
'Twas strange so little lenity to find.
'Twas strange to find so little mercy.
SHE placed herself, as order'd, cross the bed,
SHE positioned herself, as instructed, across the bed,
And at his feet at length reclined her head;
And at his feet, she finally rested her head;
A kiss on them she ventured to impress,
A kiss on them she dared to make.
But not too roughly, lest she should transgress:
But not too harshly, so she doesn’t cross the line:
We may conjecture if he were at ease;
We might wonder if he was comfortable;
What victory! to see her stoop to please;
What a victory! to see her lower herself to please;
A beauty so renowned for charms and pride,
A beauty so famous for her charms and confidence,
'Twould take a week, to note each trait described;
It would take a week to note every characteristic described;
No other fault than paleness he could trace,
No other flaw besides paleness could he find,
Which gave her (causes known) still higher grace.
Which gave her (causes known) even greater grace.
CAMILLUS stretched his legs, and on her breast
CAMILLUS stretched his legs, and on her chest
Familiarly allowed his feet to rest;
Let his feet relax;
A cushion made of what so fair appeared,
A pillow made of something so beautiful,
That envy might from ivory be feared;
That envy might be feared from ivory;
Then seemed as if to Morpheus he inclined,
Then it seemed like he was leaning towards Morpheus,
And on the pillow sullenly resigned.
And on the pillow, I reluctantly gave in.
At last the sighs with which her bosom heaved,
At last, the sighs that escaped her chest,
Gave vent to floods of tears that much relieved;
Gave in to floods of tears that felt really relieving;
This was the end:—Camillus silence broke,
This was the end:—Camillus broke the silence,
And to tell the belle with pleasing accents spoke
And to speak to the beautiful girl with charming words
I'm satisfied, said he, your love is pure;
I'm satisfied, he said, your love is genuine;
Come hither charming girl and be secure.
Come here, charming girl, and be safe.
She t'wards him moved; Camillus near her slid;
She moved towards him; Camillus slid closer to her;
Could you, cried he, believe that what I did,
Could you, he shouted, believe that what I did,
Was seriously the dictates of my soul,
Was seriously the dictates of my soul,
To act the brute and ev'ry way control?
To act like a bully and control everything?
No, no, sweet fair, you know me not 'tis plain:
No, no, sweet lady, it's clear you don’t know me:
I truly wish your fondest love to gain;
I really hope you find your greatest love;
Your heart I've probed, 'tis all that I desire;
Your heart I've explored, that's all I long for;
Mid joys I swim; my bosom feels the fire.
Mid joys I swim; my heart feels the flame.
Your rigour now in turn you may display;
Your rigor you can now show in return;
It is but fair: be bountiful I pray;
It’s only fair: please be generous;
Myself from hence your lover I declare;
Myself, I now declare to be your lover;
No woman merits more my bed to share,
No woman deserves to share my bed more.
Whatever rank, or beauty, sense or life,
Whatever rank, beauty, intelligence, or life,
You equally deserve to be my wife;
You equally deserve to be my wife;
Your husband I'll become; forget the past;
Your husband I will be; let go of the past;
Unpleasant recollections should not last.
Bad memories shouldn't linger.
Yet there's one thing which much I wish to speak
Yet there's one thing I'd really like to talk about.
The marriage must be secret that we seek;
The marriage we want has to be a secret;
There's no occasion reasons to disclose;
There's no specific reason to share.
What I have said I trust will you dispose,
What I’ve said, I hope, will motivate you,
To act as I desire: you'll find it best:—
To act the way I want: you’ll see it’s the best way:—
A wedding 's like amours while unconfessed;
A wedding is like love affairs that haven't been revealed;
One THEN both husband and gallant appears,
One THEN both the husband and the brave man appear,
And ev'ry wily act the bosom cheers.
And every clever act brings joy to the heart.
Till we, continued he, a priest can find,
Till we, he continued, a priest can find,
Are you, to trust my promises inclined?
Are you inclined to trust my promises?
You safely may; he'll to his word adhere:
You can safely do that; he'll stick to his word:
His heart is honest, and his tongue sincere.
His heart is genuine, and his words are truthful.
TO this fair Constance answered not a word,
TO this fair Constance replied nothing,
Which showed, with him, her sentiments concurred.
Which showed that her feelings matched his.
The spark, no novice in the dumb assent,
The spark, no beginner in the foolish agreement,
Received her silence fully as 'twas meant;
Received her silence exactly as it was intended;
The rest involved in myst'ry deep remains;
The rest involved in deep mystery remains;
Thus Constance was requitted for her pains.
Thus, Constance was rewarded for her efforts.
YE Cyprian nymphs to profit turn my tale;
Ye Cyprian nymphs to profit turn my tale;
The god of LOVE, within his vot'ries pale,
The god of LOVE, among his pale worshippers,
Has many, if their sentiments were known,
Has many, if their feelings were known,
That I'd prefer for Hymen's joys alone.
That I'd rather keep for Hymen's joys only.
My wife, not always to the spindle true,
My wife, not always devoted to the task,
Will many things in life, not seem to view;
Will many things in life not seem to be visible;
By Constance and her conduct you may see
By Constance and her actions, you can see
How, with this theory, her acts agree;
How her actions align with this theory;
She proved the truth of what I here advance,
She showed the truth of what I'm saying here,
And reaped the fruits produced by complaisance,
And enjoyed the benefits that came from being agreeable,
A horde of nuns I know who, ev'ry night,
A group of nuns I know who, every night,
Would such adventures wage with fond delight.
Would such adventures take place with joyful pleasure.
PERHAPS it will not be with ease believed,
PERHAPS it won't be easy to believe,
That Constance from Camillus now received,
That Constance from Camillus now received,
A proof of LOVE'S enchanting balmy sweet,
A proof of LOVE'S enchanting, sweet warmth,
A proof perhaps you'll think her used to meet;
A sign, maybe you’ll think she’s gotten used to meeting;
But ne'er till then she tasted pleasures pure;
But never until then did she experience true pleasures;
Her former life no blisses could secure.
Her old life couldn’t guarantee any happiness.
You ask the cause, and signs of doubt betray:
You ask what caused this, and signs of doubt give you away:
Who TRULY loves, the same will ever say.
Who truly loves will always say the same.
NICAISE
Original
TO serve the shop as 'prentice was the lot;
The task of working in the shop as an apprentice was assigned;
Of one who had the name of Nicaise got;
Of someone named Nicaise.
A lad quite ignorant beyond his trade,
A guy who's pretty clueless outside of his job,
And what arithmetick might lend him aid;
And what math could help him;
A perfect novice in the wily art,
A total beginner in the crafty skill,
That in amours is used to win the heart.
That in love is used to win someone's heart.
Good tradesmen formerly were late to learn
Good tradesmen used to take a long time to learn.
The tricks that soon in friars we discern;
The tricks that we soon notice in friars;
They ne'er were known those lessons to begin,
They were never known to begin those lessons,
Till more than down appeared upon the chin.
Till more than down appeared upon the chin.
But now-a-days, in practice, 'tis confessed,
But nowadays, in practice, it's acknowledged,
These shopkeepers are knowing as the best.
These shopkeepers are known as the best.
OUR lad of ancient date was less advanced;
OUR lad of ancient date was less advanced;
At scenes of love his eyes had never glanced;
At moments of love, his eyes had never looked.
Be that as 'twill, he now was in the way,
Be that as it may, he was now in the way,
And naught but want of wit produced delay:
And only a lack of sense caused the delay:
A belle indeed had on him set her heart
A beautiful woman really has set her heart on him.
His master's daughter felt LOVE'S poignant smart;
His master's daughter felt the sharp pain of love;
A girl of most engaging mind and mien,
A girl with a captivating personality and appearance,
And always steady in her conduct seen.
And she was always steady in her behavior.
Sincerity of soul or humour free,
Sincerity of soul or humor free,
Or whether with her taste it might agree,
Or whether it might match her taste,
A fool 'twas clear presided o'er her soul,
A fool clearly controlled her soul,
And all her thoughts and actions felt control.
And everything she thought and did felt controlled.
Some bold gallant would p'erhaps inform her plain,
Some brave guy might just tell her straight,
She ever kept wild Folly in her train,
She always kept wild Folly with her,
And nothing say to me who tales relate;
And nothing tells me who the stories relate to;
But oft on reason such proceedings wait.
But often, such actions depend on reason.
If you a goddess love, advance she'll make;
If you love a goddess, she'll help you move forward;
Our belle the same advantages would take.
Our beauty would take the same advantages.
Her fortune, wit, and charm, attention drew,
Her wealth, intelligence, and charm drew attention,
And many sparks would anxiously pursue;
And many sparks would eagerly chase;
How happy he who should her heart obtain,
How happy is the one who wins her heart,
And Hymen prove he had not sighed in vain!
And Hymen showed that he had not sighed for nothing!
But she had promised, to the modest youth,
But she had promised the shy young man,
Who first was named, her confidence and truth;
Who was named first, her confidence and truth;
The little god of pleasing soft desire
The small god of sweet, gentle desire
With full compliance with his whims require.
With complete obedience to his desires required.
THe belle was pleased the 'prentice to prefer:
The beautiful girl was happy to prefer the apprentice:
A handsome lad with truth we may aver,
A good-looking guy, we can certainly say,
Quite young, well made, with fascinating eye:
Quite young, well-built, with captivating eyes:
Such charms are ne'er despised we may rely,
Such charms are never looked down upon, we can count on that,
But treasures thought, no FAIR will e'er neglect;
But treasures thought, no FAIR will ever neglect;
Whate'er her senses say, she'll these respect.
Whatever her senses say, she'll respect these.
For one that LOVE lays hold of by the soul,
For someone that love captures by the soul,
A thousand by the eyes receive control.
A thousand eyes gain control.
THIS sprightly girl with soft endearing ease,
THIS lively girl with gentle, charming grace,
Exerted ev'ry care the lad to please,
Exerted every effort to please the boy,
To his regards she never shy appeared;
To his greetings, she never appeared shy.
Now pinched his arm, then smiled and often leered;
Now he pinched his arm, then smiled and often gave a sly look;
Her hand across his eyes would sometimes put;
Her hand across his eyes would sometimes cover;
At others try to step upon his foot.
At other times, try to step on his foot.
To this he nothing offered in reply,
To this, he didn’t respond at all,
Though oft his throbbing bosom heaved a sigh.
Though often his heaving chest let out a sigh.
So many tender scenes, at length we find,
So many touching moments, in the end, we discover,
Produced the explanation LOVE designed;
Created the explanation LOVE designed;
The youthful couple, we may well believe,
The young couple, we can definitely believe,
Would from each other mutual vows receive;
Would receive mutual vows from each other;
They neither promises nor kisses spared,
They spared neither promises nor kisses,
Incalculable were the numbers shared;
The numbers shared were countless;
If he had tried to keep exact account,
If he had tried to keep an accurate record,
He soon had been bewildered with th' amount;
He soon became confused by the amount;
To such infinity it clearly ran,
To such infinity it clearly ran,
Mistakes would rise if he pursued the plan;
Mistakes would occur if he followed through with the plan;
A ceremony solely was required,
Only a ceremony was needed.
Which prudent girls have always much admired,
Which wise girls have always greatly admired,
Yet this to wait gave pain and made her grieve;
Yet this waiting caused her pain and made her sad;
From you, said she, the boon I would receive;
From you, she said, is the favor I would like to receive;
Or while I live the rapture never know,
Or while I live, I will never know rapture,
That Hymen at his altar can bestow;
That Hymen at his altar can grant;
To you I promise, by the pow'rs divine,
To you I promise, by the divine powers,
My hand and heart I truly will resign.
My hand and heart I truly will give up.
Howe'er I'll freely say, should Hymen fail
Howe'er I'll freely say, should Hymen fail
To make me your's and wishes not prevail,
To make me yours and have wishes not succeed,
You must not fancy I'll become a nun,
You shouldn't think I'm going to become a nun,
Though much I hope to act as I've begun;
Though I really want to continue acting as I have started;
To marry you would please me to the soul;
To marry you would make me incredibly happy;
But how can WE the ruling pow'rs control?
But how can we, the ruling powers, control?
Too much I'm confident you love my fame,
Too much I'm sure you love my fame,
To aim at what might bring me soon to shame:
To pursue something that could lead me to shame soon:
In wedlock I've been asked by that and this;
In marriage, I've been asked by various people;
My father thinks these offers not amiss;
My dad thinks these offers are pretty good;
But, Nicaise, I'll allow you still to hope,
But, Nicaise, I’ll let you keep hoping,
That if with others I'm obliged to cope,
That if I have to deal with others,
No matter whether counsellor or judge.
No matter if it's a counselor or a judge.
Since clearly ev'ry thing to such I grudge,
Since I obviously resent everything about such things,
The marriage eve, or morn, or day, or hour,
The night before the wedding, or the morning, or the day, or the hour,
To you I'll give—the first enchanting flow'r.
To you I’ll give—the first beautiful flower.
THE lad most gratefully his thanks returned;
The boy expressed his thanks very gratefully;
His breast with ev'ry soft emotion burned.
His chest burned with every gentle emotion.
Within a week, to this sweet charmer came,
Within a week, this sweet charmer arrived,
A rich young squire, who soon declared his flame;
A wealthy young squire, who quickly declared his love;
On which she said to Nicaise:—he will do;
On which she said to Nicaise, "He'll do."
This spark will easily let matters through;
This spark will easily allow things to pass through;
And as the belle was confident of that,
And since the beautiful woman was sure of that,
She gave consent and listened to his chat.
She agreed and listened to him talk.
Soon all was settled and arranged the day,
Soon everything was settled and organized for the day,
When marriage they no longer would delay,
When they no longer wanted to put off marriage,
You'll fully notice this:—I think I view
You'll definitely notice this:—I think I see
The thoughts which move around and you pursue;
The thoughts that swirl around and you chase;
'Twas doubtless clear, whatever bliss in store,
'Twas definitely clear, whatever happiness was ahead,
The lady was betrothed, and nothing more.
The woman was engaged, and nothing else.
THOUGH all was fixed a week before the day,
THOUGH everything was set a week before the day,
Yet fearing accidents might things delay,
Yet fearing accidents might delay things,
Or even break the treaty ere complete,
Or even break the treaty before it's complete,
She would not our apprentice fully greet,
She wouldn't fully greet our apprentice,
Till on the very morn she gave her hand,
Till on the very morning she gave her hand,
Lest chance defeated what was nicely planned.
Lest luck mess up what was well thought out.
HOWE'ER the belle was to the altar led,
HOWEVER the beauty was led to the altar,
A virgin still, and doomed the squire to wed,
A virgin still, and forced the squire to marry,
Who, quite impatient, consummation sought,
Who, quite impatient, sought completion,
As soon as he the charmer back had brought;
As soon as he brought the charmer back;
But she solicited the day apart,
But she requested the day alone,
And this obtained, alone by prayers and art.
And this was achieved solely through prayers and skill.
'Twas early morn, and 'stead of bed she dressed,
'Twas early morning, and instead of staying in bed, she got dressed,
In ev'ry thing a queen had thought the best;
In everything a queen thought was best;
With diamonds, pearls, and various jewels rare;
With diamonds, pearls, and different rare jewels;
Her husband riches had, she was aware,
Her husband had wealth, she knew,
Which raised her into rank that dress required,
Which elevated her to the status that dress called for,
And all her neighbours envied and admired.
And all her neighbors envied and admired her.
Her lover, to secure the promised bliss,
Her partner, to ensure the promised happiness,
An hour's indulgence gained to take a kiss.
An hour's break to steal a kiss.
A bow'r within a garden was the spot,
A bower in a garden was the place,
Which, for their private meeting, they had got.
Which they had secured for their private meeting.
A confidant had been employed around,
A confidant had been brought in,
To watch if any one were lurking found.
To see if anyone was hiding.
THE lady was the first who thither came;
THE lady was the first who came there;
To get a nosegay was, she said, her aim;
To get a bouquet was, she said, her goal;
And Nicaise presently her steps pursued,
And Nicaise quickly followed her steps,
Who, when the turf within the bow'r he viewed,
Who, when he looked at the grass in the shelter,
Exclaimed, oh la! how wet it is my dear!
Exclaimed, oh wow! How wet it is, my dear!
Your handsome clothes will be spoiled I fear!
Your nice clothes are going to get ruined, I’m afraid!
A carpet let me instantly provide?
A carpet allows me to provide instantly?
Deuce take the clothes! the fair with anger cried;
Deuce take the clothes! the girl shouted in anger;
Ne'er think of that: I'll say I had a fall;
Ne'er think of that: I'll say I had a fall;
Such accident a loss I would not call,
Such an accident, I wouldn’t call a loss,
When Time so clearly on the wing appears,
When time clearly seems to fly,
'Tis right to banish scruples, cares, and fears;
It's right to get rid of doubts, worries, and fears;
Nor think of clothes nor dress, however fine,
Nor think about clothes or outfits, no matter how nice,
But those to dirt or flames at once resign;
But those to dirt or flames immediately surrender;
Far better this than precious time to waste,
Far better this than wasting precious time,
Since frequently in minutes bliss we taste;
Since we often experience happiness in just minutes;
A quarter of an hour we now should prize,
A quarter of an hour we should value now,
The place no doubt will very well suffice;
The place will definitely be more than enough;
With you it rests such moments to employ,
With you, it’s up to decide how to use those moments,
And mutually our bosoms fill with joy.
And both of us feel joy in our hearts.
I scarcely ought to say what now I speak,
I hardly should say what I'm about to say now,
But anxiously your happiness I seek.
But I anxiously seek your happiness.
Original
INDEED, the anxious, tender youth replied,
INDEED, the nervous, caring young person replied,
To save such costly clothes we should decide;
To protect those expensive clothes, we need to make a decision;
I'll run at once, and presently be here;
I'll go right away and be back soon;
Two minutes will suffice I'm very clear.
Two minutes will be enough; I'm very clear.
AWAY the silly lad with ardour flew,
AWAY the silly guy rushed off with enthusiasm,
And left no time objections to renew.
And left no time for objections to come up again.
His wondrous folly cured the charming dame;
His amazing foolishness cured the lovely lady;
Whose soul so much disdained her recent flame;
Whose soul so much ignored her recent crush;
That instantly her heart resumed its place,
That instantly her heart went back to where it belonged,
Which had too long been loaded with disgrace:
Which had been burdened with shame for too long:
Go, prince of fools, she to herself exclaimed,
Go on, you prince of fools, she said to herself,
For ever, of thy conduct, be ashamed;
For all time, be embarrassed by your behavior;
To lose thee surely I can ne'er regret,
To lose you, I could never regret,
Impossible a worse I could have met.
Impossible a worse I could have met.
I've now considered, and 'tis very plain,
I've now thought about it, and it's very clear,
Thou merit'st not such favours to obtain;
You don't deserve to receive such favors.
From hence I swear, by ev'ry thing above;
From here I swear, by everything above;
My husband shall alone possess my love;
My husband will be the only one who has my love;
And least I might be tempted to betray,
And just in case I might be tempted to betray,
To him I'll instantly the boon convey,
To him, I'll quickly deliver the gift,
Which Nicaise might have easily received;
Which Nicaise could have easily accepted;
Thank Heav'n my breast from folly is relieved.
Thank heaven my heart is free from foolishness.
This said, by disappointment rendered sour,
This being said, disappointment turned bitter,
The beauteous bride in anger left the bow'r.
The beautiful bride angrily left the room.
Soon with the carpet simple Nicaise came,
Soon, the simple rug arrived with Nicaise,
And found that things no longer were the same.
And realized that everything had changed.
THE lucky hour, ye suitors learn I pray,
THE lucky hour, you suitors, learn, I pray,
Is not each time the clock strikes through the day,
Isn't every time the clock strikes throughout the day,
In Cupid's alphabet I think I've read,
In Cupid's alphabet, I believe I've read,
Old Time, by lovers, likes not to be led;
Old Time, for lovers, doesn’t like to be controlled;
And since so closely he pursues his plan,
And since he is so focused on his plan,
'Tis right to seize him, often as you can.
It's right to take advantage of him, as often as you can.
Delays are dangerous, in love or war,
Delays are risky, whether in love or in battle,
And Nicaise is a proof they fortune mar.
And Nicaise is proof that fate can ruin things.
QUITE out of breath with having quickly run;
QUITE out of breath from having run fast;
Delighted too that he so soon had done,
Delighted that he had finished so quickly,
The youth returned most anxious to employ,
The young person came back, eager to find work,
The carpet for his mistress to enjoy,
The carpet for his lover to enjoy,
But she alas! with rage upon her brow,
But she, alas! with anger on her face,
Had left the spot, he knew not why nor how;
Had left the spot, he didn't know why or how;
And to her company returned in haste
And she quickly returned to her group.
The flame extinguished that her mind disgraced.
The flame went out, leaving her mind in shame.
Perhaps she went the jewel to bestow,
Perhaps she went to give the jewel,
Upon her spouse, whose breast with joy would glow:
Upon her partner, whose heart would swell with joy:
What jewel pray?—The one that ev'ry maid
What jewel, I ask?—The one that every girl
Pretends to have, whatever tricks she's played.
Pretends to have, whatever tricks she's pulled.
This I believe; but I'll no dangers run;
This I believe; but I won't risk any dangers;
To burn my fingers I've not yet begun;
To burn my fingers, I haven't started yet;
Yet I allow, howe'er, in such a case,
Yet I allow, however, in such a case,
The girl, who fibs, therein no sin can trace.
The girl who lies can't be blamed for it.
OUR belle who, thanks to Nicaise, yet retained;
OUR belle who, thanks to Nicaise, still held on;
In spite of self, the flow'r he might have gained,
In spite of himself, the flower he could have gained,
Was grumbling still, when he the lady met
Was still grumbling when he met the lady.
Why, how is this, cried he, did you forget,
Why, how is this, he exclaimed, did you forget,
That for this carpet I had gone away?
That I left for this carpet?
When spread, how nicely on it we might play!
When it's spread out, how nicely we could play on it!
You'd soon to woman change the silly maid;
You'd soon change that silly maid into a woman;
Come, let's return, and not the bliss evade;
Come on, let's go back and not miss out on the joy;
No fear of dirt nor spoiling of your dress;
No worries about getting dirty or ruining your outfit;
And then my love I fully will express.
And then I will express my love completely.
NOT so, replied the disappointed dame,
NOT so, replied the disappointed woman,
We'll put it off:—perhaps 'twould hurt your frame
We'll postpone it:—maybe it would hurt you.
Your health I value, and I would advise,
Your health is important to me, and I'd suggest,
To be at ease, take breath, and prudence prize;
To relax, take a breath, and value caution;
Apprentice in a shop you now are bound
Apprentice in a shop you are now committed to
Next 'prentice go to some gallant around;
Next apprentice goes to some dashing person around;
You'll not so soon his pleasing art require,
You'll not need his charming skills anytime soon,
Nor to your tutorage can I now aspire.
Nor can I now hope for your guidance.
Friend Nicaise take some neighb'ring servant maid,
Friend Nicaise takes some neighboring servant girl,
You're quite a master in the shopping trade;
You're really skilled in the shopping game;
Stuffs you can sell, and ask the highest price;
Stuff you can sell and ask for the highest price;
And to advantage turn things in a trice.
And to quickly turn things to advantage.
But opportunity you can't discern;
But you can't see opportunity;
To know its value,—prithee go and learn.
To understand its value, please go and find out.
THE PROGRESS OF WIT
Original
DIVERTING in extreme there is a play,
DIVERTING in extreme there is a play,
Which oft resumes its fascinating sway;
Which often takes back its captivating hold;
Delights the sex, or ugly, fair, or sour;
Delights the sex, or ugly, fair, or sour;
By night or day:—'tis sweet at any hour.
By night or day: it’s nice at any time.
The frolick, ev'ry where is known to fame;
The party, everywhere is known for its fame;
Conjecture if you can, and tells its name.
Conjecture if you can, and share its name.
THIS play's chief charm to husbands is unknown;
THIS play's main appeal to husbands is unclear;
'Tis with the lover it excels alone;
'Tis with the lover it excels alone;
No lookers-on, as umpires, are required;
No spectators, acting as referees, are needed;
No quarrels rise, though each appears inspired;
No arguments break out, even though everyone seems to be motivated;
All seem delighted with the pleasing game:—
All seem happy with the enjoyable game:—
Conjecture if you can, and tell its name.
Conjecture if you can, and share its name.
BE this as 'twill, and called whate'er it may;
BE this as it will, and called whatever it may;
No longer trifling with it I shall stay,
No more messing around with it; I'm going to stay.
But now disclose a method to transmit
But now reveal a way to send
(As oft we find) to ninnies sense and wit.
(As oft we find) to fools sense and wit.
Till Alice got instruction in this school,
Till Alice got instruction in this school,
She was regarded as a silly fool,
She was seen as a clueless idiot,
Her exercise appeared to spin and sew:—
Her workout seemed to involve spinning and sewing:—
Not hers indeed, the hands alone would go;
Not hers, for the hands would go alone;
For sense or wit had in it no concern;
For sense or wit had nothing to do with it;
Whate'er the foolish girl had got to learn,
Whichever foolish things the girl had to learn,
No part therein could ever take the mind;
No part of it could ever fully capture the mind;
Her doll, for thought, was just as well designed.
Her doll, honestly, was just as well made.
The mother would, a hundred times a day,
The mother would, a hundred times a day,
Abuse the stupid maid, and to her say
Abuse the dumb maid, and say to her
Go wretched lump and try some wit to gain.
Go ahead, miserable being, and see if you can come up with some cleverness.
THE girl, quite overcome with shame and pain;
THE girl, completely overwhelmed with shame and pain;
Her neighbours asked to point her out the spot,
Her neighbors asked her to show them the spot,
Where useful wit by purchase might be got.
Where you could buy useful wit.
The simple question laughter raised around;
The simple question laughter brought up;
At length they told her, that it might be found
At last, they told her that it could be found
With father Bonadventure, who'd a stock,
With Father Bonadventure, who had a family,
Which he at times disposed of to his flock.
Which he sometimes shared with his followers.
AWAY in haste she to the cloister went,
AWAY in haste, she went to the cloister,
To see the friar she was quite intent,
To see the friar, she was really focused,
Though trembling lest she might disturb his ease;
Though shaking with fear that she might disrupt his comfort;
And one of his high character displease.
And one of his high character is not liked.
The girl exclaimed, as on she moved,—Will he
The girl exclaimed as she moved, "Will he?
Such presents willingly bestow on me,
Such gifts freely give to me,
Whose age, as yet, has scarcely reached fifteen?
Whose age has barely hit fifteen yet?
With such can I be worthy to be seen?
With that, can I be worthy to be seen?
Her innocence much added to her charms,
Her innocence only made her more charming,
The gentle wily god of soft alarms
The clever little god of quiet warnings
Had not a youthful maiden in his book,
Hadn't a young maiden in his book,
That carried more temptation in her look.
That had more temptation in her gaze.
MOST rev'rend sir, said she, by friends I'm told,
MOST rev'rend sir, she said, my friends tell me,
That in this convent wit is often sold,
That in this convent, humor is often for sale,
Will you allow me some on trust to take?
Will you let me take some on trust?
My treasure won't afford that much I stake;
My treasure won't cover that much I risk;
I can return if more I should require;
I can come back if I need anything else;
Howe'er, you'll take this pledge I much desire;
However, you'll take this pledge I really want;
On which she tried to give the monk a ring,
On which she tried to give the monk a ring,
That to her finger firmly seemed to cling.
That seemed to firmly stick to her finger.
BUT when the friar saw the girl's design,
BUT when the friar saw the girl's plan,
He cried, good maid, the pledge we will decline,
He cried, good maid, the promise we will refuse,
And what is wished, provide for you the same;
And whatever you desire, may it be given to you;
'Tis merchandize, and whatsoe'er its fame,
'Tis merchandise, and whatever its reputation,
To some 'tis freely giv'n:—to others taught
To some it’s freely given:—to others it’s taught
If not too dear, oft better when 'tis bought.
If it's not too expensive, it's often better when it's purchased.
Come in and boldly follow where I lead;
Come in and confidently follow my lead;
None round can see: you've nothing here to heed;
None can see around: you have nothing here to pay attention to;
They're all at prayers; the porter's at my will;
They're all praying; the porter is at my command;
The very walls, of prudence have their fill.
The walls of caution have had enough.
SHE entered as the holy monk desired,
SHE entered as the holy monk wished,
And they together to his cell retired.
And they both went back to his cell.
The friar on the bed this maiden threw;
The friar on the bed this girl tossed;
A kiss would take:—she from him rather drew;
A kiss would take:—she pulled back from him instead;
And said.—To give one wit is this the way?
And said.—Is this the way to show wit?
Yes, answered he, and round her 'gan to play:
Yes, he replied, and he started to play around her:
Upon her bosom then he put his hand
Upon her chest then he put his hand
What now, said she, am I to understand?
What should I know now?
Is this the way?—Said he, 'tis so decreed;
Is this the way?—He said, 'it's been decided;
Then patiently she let the monk proceed,
Then she patiently let the monk go on,
Who followed up, from point to point, his aim;
Who tracked his goal step by step;
And wit, by easy steps, advancing came,
And wit, by simple steps, moved forward,
Till its progression with her was complete;
Till its progression with her was complete;
Then Alice laughed, success appeared so sweet.
Then Alice laughed; success felt so sweet.
A SECOND dose the friar soon bestowed,
A SECOND dose the friar soon gave,
And e'en a third, so fast his bounty flowed.
And even a third, his generosity flowed so freely.
Well, said the monk, pray how d'ye find the play?
Well, said the monk, so how do you like the play?
The girl replied: wit will not long delay;
The girl replied: wit won't take long;
'Twill soon arrive; but then I fear its flight:
'Twill soon be here; but I worry about its passage:
I'm half afraid 'twill leave me ere 'tis night.
I'm half afraid it will leave me before it's night.
We'll see, rejoined the priest, that naught you lose;
We'll see, responded the priest, that you won't lose anything;
But other secrets oftentimes we use.
But we often use other secrets.
Seek not those the smiling girl replied
Seek not those, the smiling girl replied.
With this most perfectly I'm satisfied;
I'm completely satisfied with this;
Then be it so, said he, we'll recommence,
Then it's settled, he said, we'll start again,
Nor longer keep the business in suspense,
Nor longer keep the business in suspense,
But to the utmost length at once advance;
But advance to the furthest point all at once;
For this fair Alice showed much complaisance:
For this fair Alice showed a lot of kindness:
The secret by the friar was renewed;
The friar's secret resurfaced;
Much pleasure in it Bonadventure viewed;
Much pleasure in it, Bonadventure observed;
The belle a courtesy dropt, and then retired,
The beauty curtsied and then stepped back,
Reflecting on the wit she had acquired;
Reflecting on the cleverness she had gained;
Reflecting, do you say?—To think inclined?
Thinking deeply, you say?
Yes, even more:—she sought excuse to find,
Yes, even more:—she looked for excuses to find,
Not doubting that she should be forced to say,
Not doubting that she would have to say,
Some cause for keeping her so long away.
Some reason for keeping her away for so long.
TWO days had passed, when came a youthful friend;
TWO days had passed when a young friend showed up;
Fair Nancy with her often would unbend;
Fair Nancy would often relax with him;
Howe'er, so very thoughtful Alice seemed,
However, Alice looked deep in thought,
That Nancy (who was penetrating deemed)
That Nancy (who was considered insightful)
Was well convinced whatever Alice sought,
Was completely convinced that whatever Alice was looking for,
So very absent she was not for naught.
So very absent she was not for no reason.
In questioning she managed with such art,
In her questioning, she was so skilled,
That soon she learned—what Alice could impart
That soon she learned—what Alice could share
To listen she was thoroughly disposed,
To listen, she was completely willing,
While t'other ev'ry circumstance disclosed,
While the other every circumstance revealed,
From first to last, each point and mystick hit,
From start to finish, every point and secret hit,
And e'en the largeness of the friar's wit,
And even the size of the friar's wit,
The repetitions, and the wondrous skill
The repetitions and the amazing skill
With which he managed ev'ry thing at will.
With which he controlled everything at will.
BUT now, cried Alice, favour me I pray,
BUT now, cried Alice, please help me, I ask you,
And tell at once, without reserve, the way
And state immediately, without holding back, the manner
That you obtained such wit as you possess,
That you acquired the wit you have,
And all particulars to me confess.
And everything is clear to me.
IF I, said Nancy, must avow the truth,
IF I, said Nancy, have to admit the truth,
Your brother Alan was the bounteous youth,
Your brother Alan was the generous young man,
Who me obliged therewith, and freely taught,
Who was obligated by that, and willingly taught,
What from the holy friar you'd have bought.
What you’d have bought from the holy friar.
My brother Alan!—Alan! Alice cried;
My brother Alan!—Alan! Alice yelled;
He ne'er with any was himself supplied;
He was never satisfied with anyone else;
I'm all surprise; he's thought a heavy clot,
I'm so surprised; he thought he was a tough guy,
How could he give what he had never got?
How could he give what he had never received?
FOOL! said the other, little thou can'st know;
FOOL! said the other, you can hardly know;
For once, to me some information owe;
For once, I owe you some information;
In such a case much skill is not required,
In such a case, not much skill is needed,
And Alan freely gave what I desired.
And Alan willingly gave me what I wanted.
If me thou disbeliev'st, thy mother ask;
If you don't believe me, ask your mother;
She thoroughly can undertake the task.
She can definitely take on the task.
ON such a point we readily should say,
ON such a point we easily would say,
Long live the fools who wit so well display!
Long live the fools who show their wit so well!
THE SICK ABBESS
Original
EXAMPLE often proves of sov'reign use;
EXAMPLE often proves to be extremely useful;
At other times it cherishes abuse;
At other times, it embraces mistreatment;
'Tis not my purpose, howsoe'er, to tell
'Tis not my purpose, however, to tell
Which of the two I fancy to excel.
Which of the two I prefer to excel.
Some will conceive the Abbess acted right,
Some will believe the Abbess acted correctly,
While others think her conduct very light
While others see her behavior as quite frivolous
Be that as 'twill, her actions right or wrong,
Be that as it may, her actions, right or wrong,
I'll freely give a license to my tongue,
I'll let my tongue speak freely,
Or pen, at all events, and clearly show,
Or pen, in any case, and clearly show,
By what some nuns were led to undergo,
By what some nuns were made to experience,
That flocks are equally of flesh and blood,
That flocks are made up of both flesh and blood,
And, if one passes, hundreds stem the flood,
And if one passes, hundreds hold back the flood,
To follow up the course the first has run,
To continue the course that the first one has taken,
And imitate what t'other has begun.
And imitate what the other one has started.
When Agnes passed, another sister came,
When Agnes passed away, another sister arrived,
And ev'ry nun desired to do the same;
And every nun wanted to do the same;
At length the guardian of the flock appeared,
At last, the protector of the flock showed up,
And likewise passed, though much at first she feared.
And similarly, it happened, even though she was very scared at first.
The tale is this, we purpose to relate;
The story is what we intend to share;
And full particulars we now will state.
And now we will provide all the details.
AN Abbess once a certain illness had,
AN Abbess once had a certain illness,
Chlorosis named, which oft proves very bad,
Chlorosis, which often turns out to be very serious,
Destroys the rose that decorates the cheek,
Destroys the rose that decorates the cheek,
And renders females languid, pale, and weak.
And makes women tired, pale, and weak.
Our lady's face was like a saint's in Lent:
Our lady's face looked like a saint's during Lent:
Quite wan, though otherwise it marked content.
Quite pale, though otherwise it showed satisfaction.
The faculty, consulted on her case,
The faculty, asked about her situation,
And who the dire disorder's source would trace,
And who would trace the source of this terrible chaos,
At length pronounced slow fever must succeed,
At last, it's been said that a slow fever must follow,
And death inevitably be decreed,
And death will inevitably be decreed,
Unless;—but this unless is very strange
Unless— but this unless is really strange.
Unless indeed she some way could arrange;
Unless she could somehow figure it out;
To gratify her wish, which seemed to vex,
To satisfy her wish, which seemed to annoy,
And converse be allowed with t'other sex:
And talking with the opposite sex is allowed:
Hippocrates, howe'er, more plainly speaks,
Hippocrates, however, speaks more plainly,
No circumlocutory phrase he seeks.
No roundabout way he seeks.
O JESUS! quite abashed the Abbess cried;
O JESUS! totally embarrassed, the Abbess exclaimed;
What is it?—fy!—a man would you provide?
What is it?—yikes!—would you offer a man?
Yes, they rejoined, 'tis clearly what you want,
Yes, they agreed, 'that's clearly what you want,
And you will die without a brisk gallant;
And you will die without a lively gentleman;
One truly able will alone suffice;
One truly capable person will be enough;
And, if not such, take two we would advise.
And if that's not the case, we recommend taking two.
This still was worse, though, if we rightly guess,
This was still worse, though, if we’re guessing correctly,
'Twas by her wished, durst she the truth confess.
It was what she wanted, if only she could admit the truth.
But how the sisterhood would see her take
But how the sisterhood would view her decision
Such remedies and no objection make?
Such remedies and no objection, right?
Shame often causes injury and pain;
Shame often leads to hurt and suffering;
And ills concealed bring others in their train.
And hidden problems lead to more issues.
SAID sister Agnes, Madam, take their word;
SAID sister Agnes, Madam, trust what they say;
A remedy like this would be absurd,
A solution like this would be ridiculous,
If, like old death, it had a haggard look,
If, like ancient death, it had a worn-out appearance,
And you designed to get by hook or crook.
And you planned to get it done by any means necessary.
A hundred secrets you retain at ease;
A hundred secrets you keep without effort;
Can one so greatly shock and you displease?—
Can someone shock you this much and make you so unhappy?—
You talk at random, Agnes, she replied;
You talk randomly, Agnes, she replied;
Now, would you for the remedy decide,
Now, would you choose the solution,
Upon your word, if you were in my place?—
Upon your word, if you were in my position?—
Yes, madam, said the nun, and think it grace;
Yes, ma'am, said the nun, and consider it a blessing;
Still more I'd do, if necessary thought;
Still more I'd do if I thought it was necessary;
Your health, by me, would ev'ry way be sought,
Your health, in every way, would be my priority,
And, if required by you to suffer this,
And, if you need me to endure this,
Not one around would less appear remiss;
Not a single person around would seem careless.
Sincere affection for you I have shown,
Sincere affection for you I've shown,
And my regard I'll ever proudly own.
And I'll always take pride in my reputation.
A THOUSAND thanks the Abbess gave her friend;
A thousand thanks, the Abbess said to her friend;
The doctors said:—no use for them to send;
The doctors said, "There's no point in sending them."
Throughout the convent sad distress appeared;
Throughout the convent, a deep sadness was present;
When Agnes, who to sage advice adhered,
When Agnes, who followed wise counsel,
And was not thought the weakest head around,
And wasn't considered the weakest mind around,
A kinder soul perhaps could not be found,
A kinder person probably couldn't be found,
Said to the sisterhood,—What now retains
Said to the sisterhood, —What’s keeping
Our worthy Abbess, and her will enchains,
Our respected Abbess, and her will binds,
Is nothing but the shame of pow'rs divine,
Is nothing but the shame of divine powers,
Or else, to what's prescribed she would resign.
Or else, she would give up what was prescribed.
Through charity will no one take the lead,
Through charity, no one will take charge,
And, by example, get her to proceed?
And, for instance, encourage her to move forward?
THE counsel was by ev'ry one approved,
THE advice was approved by everyone,
And commendation through the circle moved.
And praise spread through the group.
IN this design not one, nor grave, nor old,
IN this design not one, nor serious, nor old,
Nor young, nor prioress, at all seemed cold;
Nor the young nor the prioress seemed cold at all;
Notes flew around, and friends of worth and taste,
Notes circulated, and friends of quality and good taste,
The black, the fair, the brown, appeared in haste;
The black, the fair, the brown, appeared quickly;
The number was not small, our records say,
The number wasn’t small, our records show,
Not (what might be) appearance of delay,
Not (what might be) the appearance of a delay,
But all most anxious seemed the road to show,
But everyone seemed really eager to see the road,
And what the Abbess feared, at once to know;
And what the Abbess was afraid to find out;
None more sincerely 'mong the nuns desired,
None more sincerely among the nuns desired,
That shame should not prevent what was required.
That shame shouldn't stop what needed to be done.
Nor that the Abbess should, within her soul,
Nor that the Abbess should, within her soul,
Retain what might injuriously control.
Keep what may harm control.
NO sooner one among the flock had made
NO sooner one among the flock had made
The step, of which the Abbess was afraid,
The step that the Abbess was afraid of,
But other sisters followed in the train:—
But other sisters followed in the procession:—
Not one behind consented to remain;
Not a single person agreed to stay;
Each forward pressed, in dread to be the last;
Each person moved ahead, fearing they would be the last;
At length, from prejudice the Abbess passed;
At last, the Abbess moved past her biases;
To such examples she at last gave way,
To such examples, she finally gave in,
And, to a youth, no longer offered nay.
And, to a young person, no longer declined.
THE operation o'er, her lily face
THE operation over, her lily face
Resumed the rose, and ev'ry other grace.
Resumed the rose, and every other grace.
O remedy divine, prescription blessed!
Oh, divine remedy, blessed prescription!
Thy friendly aid to numbers stands confessed;
Your helpful support for numbers is clear;
The friends of thousands, friend of nature too;
The friends of thousands, friend of nature too;
The friend of all, except where honour 's due.
The friend of everyone, except when it comes to honor.
This point of honour is another ill,
This point of honor is another problem,
In which the faculty confess no skill.
In which the faculty admit they have no skill.
WHAT ills in life! what mis'ries dire around,
WHAT ills in life! what dire miseries around,
While remedies so easy may be found!
While solutions this simple can be discovered!
THE TRUCKERS
Original
THE change of food enjoyment is to man;
THE change of food enjoyment is to man;
In this, t'include the woman is my plan.
In this, including the woman is my plan.
I cannot guess why Rome will not allow
I cannot guess why Rome won't allow
Exchange in wedlock, and its leave avow;
Exchange in marriage, and its permission to declare;
Not ev'ry time such wishes might arise,
Not every time such wishes might come up,
But, once in life at least, 'twere not unwise;
But, at least once in your life, it wouldn't be a bad idea;
Perhaps one day we may the boon obtain;
Perhaps one day we might get that blessing;
Amen, I say: my sentiments are plain;
Amen, I say: my feelings are clear;
The privilege in France may yet arrive
The privilege in France might still come.
There trucking pleases, and exchanges thrive;
There, trucking is enjoyable, and exchanges flourish;
The people love variety, we find;
The people love variety, we find;
And such by heav'n was ere for them designed.
And that was what heaven had planned for them.
ONCE there dwelled, near Rouen, (sapient clime)
ONCE there lived, near Rouen, (smart climate)
Two villagers, whose wives were in their prime,
Two villagers, whose wives were in their prime,
And rather pleasing in their shape and mien,
And quite attractive in their shape and appearance,
For those in whom refinement 's scarcely seen.
For those in whom refinement is rarely seen.
Each looker-on conceives, LOVE needs not greet
Each onlooker assumes, LOVE doesn’t need to be met.
Such humble wights, as he would prelates treat.
Such humble people, as he would treat church leaders.
IT happened, howsoe'er, both weary grown,
IT happened, however, both worn out,
Of halves that they so long had called their own;
Of halves that they had called their own for so long;
One holyday, with them there chanced to drink
One holiday, they happened to drink
The village lawyer (bred in Satan's sink);
The village lawyer (raised in a pit of evil);
To him, said one of these, with jeering air,
To him, said one of them, with a mocking tone,
Good mister Oudinet, a strange affair
Good Mr. Oudinet, a strange situation
Is in my head: you've doubtless often made
Is in my head: you've doubtless often made
Variety of contracts; 'tis your trade:
Variety of contracts; it's your job:
Now, cannot you contrive, by one of these,
Now, can't you come up with one of these,
That men should barter wives, like goods, at ease?
That men should trade wives like merchandise, without concern?
Our pastor oft his benefice has changed;
Our pastor has often changed during his time in this position;
Is trucking wives less easily arranged?
Is it harder to arrange trucking wives?
It cannot be, for well I recollect,
It cannot be, for I remember clearly,
That Parson Gregory (whom none suspect)
That Parson Gregory (whom no one suspects)
Would always say, or much my mem'ry fails,
Would always say, or as my memory fades,
My flock 's my wife: love equally prevails;
My flock is my wife: love is strong on both sides;
He changed; let us, good neighbour do the same;
He changed; let us, good neighbor, do the same;
With all my heart, said t'other, that's my aim;
With all my heart, said the other, that's my goal;
But well thou know'st that mine's the fairest face,
But you know that my face is the fairest,
And, Mister Oudinet, since that's the case,
And, Mr. Oudinet, since that's how it is,
Should he not add, at least, his mule to boot?
Shouldn't he at least add his mule too?
My mule? rejoined the first, that will not suit;
My mule? replied the first, that won’t work;
In this world ev'ry thing has got its price:
In this world, everything has its price:
Mine I will change for thine and that 's concise.
I'll swap mine for yours, and that’s clear-cut.
Wives are not viewed so near; naught will I add;
Wives aren't seen as closely; I won't say more;
Why, neighbour Stephen, dost thou think me mad,
Why, neighbor Stephen, do you think I'm crazy,
To give my mule to boot?—of mules the king;
To give my mule a kick?—of mules the king;
Not e'en an ass I'd to the bargain bring;
Not even a donkey would I bring to the deal;
Change wife for wife, the barter will be fair;
Change wife for wife, the trade will be fair;
Then each will act with t'other on the square.
Then everyone will treat each other fairly.
Original
THE village lawyer now the friends addressed:
THE village lawyer now addressed the friends:
Said he, Antoinetta is confessed
He said, Antoinetta is admitted
To have superior charms to those of Jane;
To have better charms than those of Jane;
But still, if I may venture to be plain,
But still, if I can be straightforward,
Not always is the best what meets the eye,
Not everything that looks good on the surface is the best.
For many beauties in concealment lie,
For many, beauty is hidden.
Which I prefer; and these are hid with care;
Which I prefer; and these are hidden with care;
Deceptions, too, are practised by the FAIR;
Deceptions are also used by the FAIR;
Howe'er, we wish the whole to be disclosed,
However, we want everything to be revealed,
Too much, 'tis said, they must not be exposed.
Too much, it is said, should not be exposed.
NOW, neighbours, let us fair arrangement make:
NOW, neighbors, let's make a fair arrangement:
A pig in poke you'd neither give nor take;
A pig in a bag you'd neither give nor take;
Confront these halves in nature's birth-day suit;
Confront these halves in nature's birthday suit;
To neither, then, will you deceit impute.
To neither will you attribute deceit.
The project was most thoroughly approved;
The project got full approval;
Like inclination both the husbands moved.
Like attracted like, and both husbands moved.
ANTOINETTA, said the second spouse,
ANTOINETTA, said the second partner,
Has neither ill nor scratch her fears to rouse.
Has neither hurt nor scratch her fears to awaken.
Jane, cried the first, is ev'ry way complete;
Jane, cried the first, is every bit complete;
No freckles on the skin: as balm she's sweet:
No freckles on her skin: she's sweet like balm:
Antoinetta is, her spouse replied,
Antoinetta is, her partner replied,
Ambrosia ev'ry way: no fault to hide.
Ambrosia in every way: no flaws to conceal.
SAID t'other:—Don't so confident appear;
Don't appear so confident;
Thou know'st not Jane: her ways would marble cheer;
Thou know'st not Jane: her ways would marble cheer;
And there's a play:—thou understand'st no doubt?
And there's a play:—you understand, right?
To this rejoined the second village lout,
To this joined the second village idiot,
One diff'rence only have my wife and I:
One difference between my wife and me is:
Which plays the prettiest wiles is what we try;
Which plays the most charming tricks is what we try;
Thou'lt very soon of these know how to think;
You'll soon know how to think about these things;
Here's to thee, neighbour; Mister Oud'net, drink;
Here's to you, neighbor; Mr. Oud'net, drink;
Come, toast Antoinetta; likewise Jane;
Cheers to Antoinetta and Jane;
The mule was granted, and the bargain plain:
The mule was given, and the deal was clear:
Our village lawyer promised to prepare,
Our village lawyer promised to prepare,
At once, the writings, which would all declare.
At that moment, the writings all announced.
This Oudinet a good apostle proved
This Oudinet proved to be a good messenger.
Well paid for parchment, or he never moved:
Well paid for parchment, or he never budged:
By whom was payment made?—by both the dames;
By whom was payment made?—by both the ladies;
On neither husband showed he any claims.
On neither husband did he express any claims.
THE village clowns some little time supposed
The village clowns once believed
That all was secret: not a hint disclosed;
That was all a secret: not a single hint revealed;
The parson of it, howsoe'er, obtained
The parson of it, however, obtained
Some intimation, and his off'rings gained.
Some hint, and his gifts were accepted.
I was not present, fully I admit;
I admit, I wasn't really there;
But rarely clergymen their dues will quit.
But clergymen rarely give up their dues.
The very clerk would not remit his fee:—
The clerk wouldn't lower his fee:—
All those who serve the church in this agree.
All those who serve the church in this way agree.
THE permutation could not well be made,
THE permutation couldn't really be made,
But scandal would such practices upbraid;
But scandal would condemn such behaviors;
In country villages each step is seen;
In rural villages, every move is noticed;
Thus, round the whisper went of what had been,
Thus, the rumor spread about what had happened,
And placed at length the thorn where all was ease;
And finally put the thorn where everything was comfortable;
The pow'rs divine alone it could displease.
The divine powers alone could be offended.
'Twas pleasant them together to behold;
It was nice to see them together;
The wives, in emulation, were not cold;
The wives, trying to keep up, were not distant;
In easy talk they'd to each other say:
In casual conversation, they'd say to each other:
How pleasing to exchange from day to day!
How nice to share every day!
What think you, neighbour, if, to try our luck,
What do you think, neighbor, if we try our luck,
For once we've something new, and valets truck?
For once we have something new, and valets carry?
This last, if made, the secret had respect;
This last, if done, the secret had significance;
The other had at first a good effect.
The other initially had a positive impact.
FOR one good month the whole proceeded well;
FOR one good month, everything went smoothly;
But, at the end, disgust dispersed the spell;
But in the end, disgust broke the spell;
And neighbour Stephen, as we might suppose,
And neighbor Stephen, as we might expect,
Began dissatisfaction to disclose;
Started to express dissatisfaction;
Lamented much Antoinetta's stop;
Lamented Antoinetta's stop a lot;
No doubt he was a loser by the swop;
No doubt he was a loser by the exchange;
Yet neighbour Giles expressed extreme regret,
Yet neighbor Giles expressed extreme regret,
That t'other from him ought to boot should get:
That other person from him should benefit from what they receive:
Howe'er, he would retrucking not consent,
However, he would not agree to retruck.
So much he otherwise appeared content.
So much he seemed otherwise happy.
IT happened on a day, as Stephen strayed
IT happened on a day, as Stephen wandered
Within a wood, he saw, beneath a shade,
Within a woods, he noticed, under a shade,
And near the stream, asleep, and quite alone,
And by the stream, asleep and all alone,
Antoinetta, whom he wished his own.
Antoinetta, whom he wanted for himself.
He near her drew, and waked her with surprise;
He got close to her and startled her awake;
The change ne'er struck her when she ope'd her eyes;
The change never hit her when she opened her eyes;
The gay gallant advantage quickly took,
The confident gay gentleman quickly took advantage,
And, what he wished, soon placed within his hook.
And, what he wanted, soon caught in his hook.
'Tis said, he found her better than at first;
'Tis said, he found her better than before;
Why so? you ask: was she then at the worst?
Why do you ask that? Was she really at her lowest point?
A curious question, truly, you've designed;
A truly interesting question you've come up with;
In Cupid's am'rous code of laws you'll find—
In Cupid's passionate set of rules, you'll discover—
Bread got by stealth, and eat where none can spy,
Bread obtained through stealth, and eat where no one can see,
Is better far than what you bake or buy;
Is way better than what you bake or buy;
For proof of this, ask those most learn'd in love
For proof of this, ask those who are most knowledgeable about love.
Truth we prefer, all other things above;
Truth we prefer, above all else;
Yet Hymen, and the god of soft desire,
Yet Hymen, and the god of gentle desire,
How much soe'er their union we admire,
How much we admire their union,
Are not designed together bread to bake;
Are not meant to be baked together as bread;
In proof, the sleeping scene for instance take.
In proof, take the sleeping scene, for example.
Good cheer was there: each dish was served with taste;
Good cheer was present: each dish was served with style;
The god of love, who often cooks in haste,
The god of love, who often throws things together quickly,
Most nicely seasoned things to relish well;
Most well-seasoned things are enjoyable to savor.
In this he's thought old Hymen to excel.
In this, he's considered old Hymen to be the best.
ANTOINETTA, to his clasp restored,
ANTOINETTA, back in his arms,
Our neighbour Stephen, who his wife adored,
Our neighbor Stephen, who was adored by his wife,
Quite raw, howe'er, in this, exclaimed apart
Quite raw, however, in this, exclaimed separately
Friend Giles has surely got some secret art,
Friend Giles must have some secret skill,
For now my rib displays superior charms,
For now, my rib shows off better qualities,
To what she had, before she left my arms.
To what she had before she left my arms.
Let's take her back, and play the Norman trick
Let's take her back and use the Norman trick.
Deny the whole, and by our priv'lege stick.
Deny the whole thing, and we'll stick to our privilege.
IMMEDIATELY he ev'ry effort tried,
He tried every effort immediately,
To get the bargain fully set aside.
To fully cancel the deal.
Giles, much distressed, exerted all his might,
Giles, very upset, used all his strength,
To keep his prize, and prove his conduct right.
To keep his prize and show that his actions were justified.
The cause was carried to the bishop's court;
The case was taken to the bishop's court;
Much noise it made, according to report.
It made a lot of noise, according to reports.
At length the parliament would hear the claim,
At last, the parliament would consider the claim,
And judge a case of such peculiar fame.
And decide a case of such unique renown.
THE village lawyer, Oudinet, was brought;
THE village lawyer, Oudinet, was brought;
From him, who drew the contract, truth was sought;
From him, who wrote the contract, the truth was sought;
There rests the cause, for 'tis of recent date;
There lies the reason, for it's recent.
While undecided, more we cannot state.
While we're still figuring things out, we can't say much more.
HOW silly neighbour Stephen must appear!
HOW silly neighbor Stephen must seem!
He went against his int'rest now 'tis clear;
He went against his interests now it's clear;
For, when superior pleasure he was shown,
For, when he was shown greater pleasure,
The fascinating fair was not his own.
The interesting fair wasn't his.
Good sense would whisper then, 'twere full as well,
Good sense would then quietly suggest, 'it would be just as good,
To let remain with Giles the beauteous belle;
To let the beautiful girl stay with Giles;
Save now and then, within the leafy shade,
Save now and then, in the leafy shade,
Where oft Antoinetta visits made,
Where often Antoinetta visits made,
And warbled to the shrubs and trees around;
And sang to the bushes and trees nearby;
There he might easily the nymph have found,
There he could have easily found the nymph,
But, if with ease it could not be obtained,
But if it couldn't be obtained easily,
Still greater pleasure he would then have gained.
Still greater pleasure he would then have gained.
GO preach me this to silly country louts;
GO preach this to foolish country bumpkins;
These, howsoe'er, had managed well their bouts,
These, however, had managed their fights well,
It must not be denied, and all was nice;
It can’t be denied, and everything was great;
To do the like perhaps 'twill some entice.
To do something similar might attract some interest.
I much regret my lot was not the same,
I really wish my situation had been different,
Though doubtless many will my wishes blame.
Though many will surely criticize my wishes.
THE CASE OF CONSCIENCE
Original
THOSE who in fables deal, bestow at ease
Those who tell fables do so effortlessly.
Both names and titles, freely as they please.
Both names and titles, as freely as they want.
It costs them scarcely any thing, we find.
It hardly costs them anything, we see.
And each is nymph or shepherdess designed;
And each is a nymph or a shepherdess created;
Some e'en are goddesses, that move below,
Some evenings are like goddesses that walk among us,
From whom celestial bliss of course must flow.
From whom heavenly joy must naturally come.
THIS Horace followed, with superior art:—
THIS Horace followed, with greater skill:—
If, to the trav'ller's bed, with throbbing heart,
If, to the traveler's bed, with a pounding heart,
The chambermaid approached, 'twas Ilia found,
The chambermaid approached, it was Ilia found,
Or fair Egeria, or some nymph renowned.
Or lovely Egeria, or some famous nymph.
GOD, in his goodness, made, one lovely day,
GOD, in his kindness, created, one beautiful day,
Apollo, who directs the lyrick lay,
Apollo, who guides the lyrical song,
And gave him pow'rs to call and name at will,
And gave him the power to call and name as he pleased,
Like father Adam, with primordial skill.
Like father Adam, with ancient skill.
Said he, go, names bestow that please the ear;
He said, "Go ahead, give names that sound pleasing."
In ev'ry word let sweetest sound appear.
In every word, let the sweetest sound be heard.
This ancient law then proves, by right divine,
This ancient law then proves, by divine right,
WE oft are sponsors to the royal line.
We often support the royal lineage.
WHEN pleasing tales and fables I endite,
WHEN I write enjoyable stories and fables,
I, who in humble verse presume to write,
I, who in simple verse dare to write,
May surely use this privilege of old,
May surely use this privilege from the past,
And, to my fancy, appellations mould.
And, to my liking, names shape.
If I, instead of Anne, should Sylvia say,
If I should say Sylvia, instead of Anne,
And Master Thomas (when the case I weigh)
And Master Thomas (when I consider the situation)
Should change to Adamas, the druid sage,
Should change to Adamas, the druid sage,
Must I a fine or punishment engage?
Must I pay a fine or face punishment?
No, surely not:—at present I shall choose
No, definitely not:—right now I will choose
Anne and the Parson for my tale to use.
Anne and the Parson for my story to use.
Original
WITHIN her village, Anne was thought the belle,
WITHIN her village, Anne was considered the most beautiful.
And ev'ry other charmer to excel.
And every other charmer to stand out.
As near a river once she chanced to stray,
As she happened to wander near a river,
She saw a youth in Nature's pure array,
She saw a young man in Nature's pure attire,
Who bathed at ease within the gliding stream;
Who bathed comfortably in the flowing stream;
The girl was brisk, and worthy of esteem,
The girl was lively and deserving of respect,
Her eyes were pleased; the object gave delight;
Her eyes were happy; the object was enjoyable;
Not one defect could be produced in sight;
Not a single flaw could be seen;
Already, by the shepherdess adored,
Already, adored by the shepherdess,
If with the belle to pleasing flights he'd soared,
If he had flown with the beautiful one to enjoyable heights,
The god of love had all they wished concealed
The god of love had everything they desired hidden.
None better know what should not be revealed.
None know better what shouldn’t be revealed.
Anne nothing feared: the willows were her shade,
Anne feared nothing: the willows were her shade,
Which, like Venetian blinds, a cov'ring made;
Which, like Venetian blinds, is a covering made;
Her eyes, howe'er, across had easy view,
Her eyes, however, had a clear view across.
And, o'er the youth, each beauty could pursue.
And over the young people, everyone could chase after beauty.
SHE back four paces drew, at first, through shame;
SHE stepped back four paces at first, feeling ashamed;
Then, led by LOVE, eight others forward came;
Then, led by LOVE, eight others came forward;
But scruples still arose that ardour foiled,
But doubts still emerged that passion couldn't overcome,
And nearly ey'ry thing had truly spoiled.
And almost everything had really gone bad.
Anne had a conscience pure as holy fire;
Anne had a conscience as pure as holy fire;
But how could she abstain from soft desire?
But how could she resist her gentle longing?
If, in the bosom chance a flame should raise,
If, by chance, a flame should ignite,
Is there a pow'r can then subdue the blaze?
Is there a power that can then put out the fire?
At first these inclinations she withstood;
At first, she resisted these urges;
But doubting soon, how those of flesh and blood
But soon doubting how those made of flesh and blood
Could sins commit by stepping in advance,
Could sins be committed by stepping forward,
She took her seat upon the green expanse,
She sat down on the green field,
And there attentively the lad observed,
And there, the boy watched closely,
With eyes that scarcely from him ever swerved.
With eyes that rarely looked away from him.
PERHAPS you've seen, from Nature, drawings made?
PERHAPS you've seen drawings made from Nature?
Some Eve, or Adam, artists then persuade,
Some artists, like Eve or Adam, then convince,
In birth-attire to stand within their view,
In birth clothes to stand in their sight,
While they with care and taste each trait pursue;
While they carefully and thoughtfully pursue each trait;
And, like our shepherdess, their stations take,
And, like our shepherdess, they take their positions,
A perfect semblance ev'ry way to make.
A perfect appearance in every way to create.
ANNE in her mem'ry now his image placed;
ANNE now placed his image in her memory;
Each line and feature thoroughly she traced,
Each line and detail she carefully examined,
And even now the fair would there remain,
And even now the fair would still be there,
If William (so was called this youthful swain)
If William (that’s what this young guy was called)
Had not the water left; when she retired,
Had the water not receded; when she went to bed,
Though scarcely twenty steps from him admired,
Though barely twenty steps away, he admired,
Who, more alert than usual then appeared,
Who, more aware than usual, then showed up,
And, by the belle, in silence was revered.
And, by the beautiful one, silence was respected.
WHEN such sensations once were in the breast,
WHEN such feelings once existed in the heart,
Love there we may believe would hardly rest.
Love, there we may believe, would hardly find peace.
THE favours Anne reserved he thought his own,
THE favors Anne reserved he thought were his own,
Though expectations oft away have flown.
Though expectations have often drifted away.
The more of this I think, the less I know;
The more I think about this, the less I understand;
Perhaps one half our bliss to chance we owe!
Perhaps we owe half of our happiness to chance!
BE this as 'twill, the conscientious Anne
BE this as it may, the thoughtful Anne
Would nothing venture to regale her man;
Would nothing try to entertain her man;
Howe'er, she stated what had raised her fear,
However, she explained what had caused her fear,
And ev'ry thing that made her persevere.
And everything that made her keep going.
WHEN Easter came, new difficulties rose
WHEN Easter came, new challenges arose
Then, in confession, ALL she should disclose.
Then, in confession, ALL she should reveal.
Anne, passing peccadillos in review,
Anne, reviewing small mistakes,
This case aside, as an intruder threw;
This case aside, as an intruder threw;
But parson Thomas made her all relate;
But Parson Thomas made her tell everything;
And ev'ry circumstance most clearly state;
And every situation clearly indicates;
That he, by knowing fully each defect,
That he, by fully understanding each flaw,
Might punishment accordingly direct,
May punishment be directed accordingly,
In which no father-confessor should err,
In which no priest should make a mistake,
Who absolution justly would confer.
Who would justly confer absolution.
The parson much his penitent abused;
The priest greatly mistreated his penitent;
Said he, with sensual views to be amused,
Said he, with tempting ideas to entertain,
Is such a sin, 'tis scarcely worse to steal;
Is such a sin, it's hardly any worse than stealing;
The sight is just the same as if you feel.
The view is exactly the same as if you were experiencing it.
HOWE'ER, the punishment that he imposed
HOWEVER, the punishment that he imposed
Was nothing great:—too slight to be disclosed;
Was nothing great:—too minor to be revealed;
Enough to say, that in the country round,
Enough to say, that in the surrounding area,
The father-confessors, who there abound,
The many father-confessors there,
As in our own, (perhaps in ev'ry part,)
As in our own, (maybe in every part,)
Have devotees, who, when they ought to smart,
Have devotees, who, when they should feel the sting,
A tribute pay, according to their lot,
A tribute payment, based on their share,
And thus indulgences are often got.
And that's how indulgences are often obtained.
THIS tribute to discharge the current year,
THIS tribute to conclude the current year,
Much troubled Anne, and filled her breast with fear,
Much troubled Anne and filled her heart with fear,
When William, fishing, chanced a pike to hook,
When William, while fishing, happened to hook a pike,
And gave it to his dear at once to cook,
And handed it to his loved one right away to cook,
Who, quite delighted, hastened to the priest,
Who, quite pleased, rushed to the priest,
And begged his rev'rence on the fish to feast.
And begged his reverence for the fish to feast.
The parson with the present much was pleased;
The pastor with the gift was pleased;
A tap upon the shoulder care appeased;
A gentle tap on the shoulder provided comfort;
And with a smile he to the bringer said
And with a smile, he said to the messenger
This fish, with trifles on the table spread,
This fish, with little snacks laid out on the table,
Will all complete; 'twas holyday we find,
Will all be completed; it was a holiday we find,
When other clergy with our rector dined.
When other clergy dined with our rector.
Will you still more oblige, the parson cried,
Will you please do me another favor, the parson shouted,
And let the fish at home by you be fried?
And should you fry the fish at home for yourself?
Then bring it here:—my servant's very new,
Then bring it here:—my servant's brand new,
And can't attempt to cook as well as you.
And can't try to cook as well as you do.
Anne hastened back; meanwhile the priests arrived,
Anne hurried back; in the meantime, the priests arrived,
Much noise, and rout of course, once these were hived;
Much noise and commotion, of course, once these were gathered.
Wines from the vault were brought without delay;
Wines from the vault were brought right away;
Each of the quality would something say.
Each quality would have something to say.
THE dinner served; the dean at table placed;
THE dinner served; the dean seated at the table;
Their conversation various points embraced;
Their conversation covered various points;
To state the whole would clearly endless be;
To state everything would clearly be endless;
In this no doubt the reader will agree.
In this, the reader will definitely agree.
They changed and changed, and healths went round and round;
They kept changing and changing, and drinks went around and around;
No time for scandal while such cheer was found;
No time for drama while there was so much happiness;
The first and second course away were cleared,
The first and second courses were cleared.
Dessert served up, yet still no pike appeared.
Dessert was served, but still no pike showed up.
The dinner o'er without th' expected dish,
The dinner was over without the expected dish,
Or even a shadow of the promised fish.
Or even a hint of the promised fish.
When William learned the present Anne had made,
When William found out about the gift Anne had made,
His wish, to have it cancelled, with her weighed.
His wish to have it canceled was considered with her.
The rector was surprised, you may suppose,
The rector was surprised, you can imagine,
And, soon as from the table all arose,
And as soon as everyone got up from the table,
He went to Anne, and called her fool and knave,
He went to Anne and called her a fool and a knave,
And, in his wrath, could scarcely secrets wave,
And, in his anger, could hardly keep secrets.
But nearly her reproached the bathing scene;
But nearly everyone criticized the bathing scene;
What, treat, said he, your priest like base and mean?
What, treat your priest like someone low and insignificant?
ANNE archly answered, with expression neat:—
ANNE cleverly replied, with a tidy expression:—
The sight is just the same as if you eat!
The view is exactly the same as if you were eating!
THE DEVIL OF POPE-FIG ISLAND
Original
BY master Francis clearly 'tis expressed:
BY Master Francis, it’s clearly stated:
The folks of Papimania are blessed;
The people of Papimania are fortunate;
True sleep for them alone it seems was made
True sleep was made just for them.
With US the copy only has been laid;
With the US, the copy has only been laid;
And by Saint John, if Heav'n my life will spare,
And by Saint John, if Heaven spares my life,
I'll see this place where sleeping 's free from care.
I'll see this place where sleeping is carefree.
E'en better still I find, for naught they do:
Even better still I find, for nothing they do:
'Tis that employment always I pursue.
It's that job I always go after.
Just add thereto a little honest love,
Just add a bit of genuine love to that,
And I shall be as easy as a glove.
And I’ll be as easygoing as can be.
ON t'other hand an island may be seen,
ON t'other hand an island may be seen,
Where all are hated, cursed, and full of spleen.
Where everyone is despised, cursed, and full of bitterness.
We know them by the thinness of their face
We recognize them by the sharpness of their features.
Long sleep is quite excluded from their race.
Long sleep is really not a part of their lifestyle.
SHOULD you, good reader, any person meet,
SHOULD you, good reader, any person meet,
With rosy, smiling looks, and cheeks replete,
With rosy, smiling faces and full cheeks,
The form not clumsy, you may safely say,
The form isn't awkward, you can confidently say,
A Papimanian doubtless I survey.
A Papimanian, no doubt I survey.
But if, on t'other side, you chance to view,
But if, on the other side, you happen to see,
A meagre figure, void of blooming hue,
A skinny figure, lacking a vibrant color,
With stupid, heavy eye, and gloomy mien
With a dull, heavy gaze and a gloomy expression
Conclude at once a Pope-figer, you've seen.
Conclude right away a Pope-figer, you've seen.
POPE-FIG 'S the name upon an isle bestowed,
POPE-FIG is the name given to an island,
Where once a fig the silly people showed,
Where once a fig the foolish people displayed,
As like the pope, and due devotion paid:—
As with the pope, and due respect given:—
By folly, blocks have often gods been made!
By foolishness, blocks have often been turned into gods!
These islanders were punished for their crime;
These islanders were punished for their crime;
Naught prospers, Francis tells us, in their clime;
Nothings thrives, Francis tells us, in their region;
To Lucifer was giv'n the hateful spot,
To Lucifer was given the hateful spot,
And there his country house he now has got.
And there he has his country house now.
His underlings appear throughout the isle,
His subordinates are seen all over the island,
Rude, wretched, poor, mean, sordid, base, and vile;
Rude, miserable, poor, petty, dirty, low, and disgusting;
With tales, and horns, and claws, if we believe,
With stories, and horns, and claws, if we trust,
What many say who ought not to deceive.
What many people say who shouldn't be misleading.
ONE day it happened that a cunning clown
ONE day it happened that a clever clown
Was by an imp observed, without the town,
Was observed by an imp, outside the town,
To turn the earth, which seemed to be accurst,
To turn the earth, which seemed to be cursed,
Since ev'ry trench was painful as the first.
Since every trench was as painful as the first.
This youthful devil was a titled lord;
This young devil was a titled lord;
In manners simple:—naught to be abhorred;
In simple ways:—nothing to be hated;
He might, so ignorant, be duped at ease;
He could, being so clueless, easily be fooled;
As yet he'd scarcely ventured to displease:
As of now, he had hardly dared to upset anyone:
Said he, I'd have thee know, I was not born,
Said he, I want you to know, I wasn't born,
Like clods to labour, dig nor sow the corn;
Like clods to work, don’t dig or plant the corn;
A devil thou in me beholdest here,
A devil you see in me here,
Of noble race: to toil I ne'er appear.
Of noble lineage: I never seem to labor.
THOU know'st full well, these fields to us belong:
THOU know'st full well, these fields belong to us:
The islanders, it seems, had acted wrong;
The islanders, it seems, had done something wrong;
And, for their crimes, the pope withdrew his cares;
And, for their crimes, the pope stopped caring;
Our subjects now you live, the law declares;
Our subjects now live, according to the law;
And therefore, fellow, I've undoubted right,
And so, my friend, I have an undeniable right,
To take the produce of this field, at sight;
To take the produce from this field, on sight;
But I am kind, and clearly will decide
But I am kind, and I will definitely make a decision.
The year concluded, we'll the fruits divided.
The year ended, and we'll share the rewards.
What crop, pray tell me, dost thou mean to sow?
What crop, please tell me, do you intend to plant?
The clod replied, my lord, what best will grow
The clod replied, my lord, what will grow best
I think is Tousell; grain of hardy fame;
I think it's Tousell; a grain of strong reputation;
The imp rejoined, I never heard its name;
The imp replied, "I never heard its name."
What is it. Tousell, say'st thou?—I agree,
What is it? Tousell, do you say?—I agree,
If good return, 'twill be the same to me;
If good comes back, it will mean the same to me;
Work fellow, work; make haste, the ground prepare;
Work, everyone, get moving; hurry up, prepare the ground;
To dig and delve should be the rabble's care;
To dig and explore should be the concern of the crowd;
Don't think that I will ever lend a hand,
Don't think that I'll ever help out,
Or give the slightest aid to till the land;
Or give even the smallest help to farm the land;
I've told thee I'm a gentleman by birth,
I've told you I'm a gentleman by birth,
Designed for ease: not doomed to turn the earth.
Designed for convenience: not destined to toil the land.
Howe'er I'll now the diff'rent parts allot,
However, I will now assign the different parts,
And thus divide the produce of the plot:—
And so divide the yield of the land:—
What shall above the heritage arise,
What will come from the heritage,
I'll leave to thee; 'twill very well suffice;
I'll leave it to you; that will be quite enough;
But what is in the soil shall be my share;
But what’s in the soil will be my share
To this attend, see ev'ry thing is fair.
To this, everything is gorgeous.
THIS beardless corn when ripe, with joy was reaped,
THIS beardless corn, when ripe, was joyfully harvested,
And then the stubble by the roots was heaped,
And then the stubble was piled up by the roots,
To satisfy the lordly devil's claim,
To satisfy the devil's demand,
Who thought the seed and root were just the same,
Who thought the seed and root were the same,
And that the ear and stalk were useless parts,
And that the ear and stalk were unnecessary parts,
Which nothing made if carried to the marts:
Which meant nothing if taken to the markets:
The labourer his produce housed with care;
The worker stored his produce carefully;
The other to the market brought his ware,
The other to the market brought his goods,
Where ridicule and laughter he received;
Where he was met with mockery and laughter;
'Twas nothing worth, which much his bosom grieved.
It was nothing worthwhile, which troubled his heart greatly.
QUITE mortified, the devil quickly went;
QUITE mortified, the devil quickly left;
To seek our clod, and mark his discontent:
To find our loser and notice his unhappiness:
The fellow had discreetly sold the corn,
The guy had quietly sold the corn,
In straw, unthrashed, and off the money borne,
In straw, unthreshed, and off the money earned,
Which he, with ev'ry wily care, concealed;
Which he, with every cunning effort, hid;
The imp was duped, and nothing was revealed.
The imp was tricked, and nothing was uncovered.
Said he, thou rascal?—pretty tricks thou'st played;
Said he, you troublemaker?—you've pulled some pretty sneaky tricks;
It seems that cheating is thy daily trade;
It seems that cheating is your daily job;
But I'm a noble devil of the court,
But I'm a noble devil of the court,
Who tricking never knew, save by report.
Whoever is being deceived never knows, except through hearsay.
What grain dost mean to sow th' ensuing year?
What grain do you plan to sow this coming year?
The labourer replied, I think it clear,
The worker replied, "I think it's clear,
Instead of grain, 'twill better be to chop,
Instead of grain, it would be better to chop,
And take a carrot, or a turnip crop;
And take a carrot or a turnip harvest;
You then, my lord, will surely plenty find;
You, my lord, will surely find plenty;
And radishes, if you are so inclined.
And radishes, if that’s what you like.
THESE carrots, radishes, and turnips too,
THESE carrots, radishes, and turnips as well,
Said t'other, I am led to think will do;
Said the other, I believe that will work;
My part shall be what 'bove the soil is found:
My role will be what is found above the ground:
Thine, fellow, what remains within the ground;
Thy, friend, what is left in the ground;
No war with thee I'll have, unless constrained,
No war with you will I have, unless forced,
And thou hast never yet of me complained.
And you have never complained about me.
I now shall go and try to tempt a nun,
I’m going to go and try to seduce a nun,
For I'm disposed to have a little fun.
For I'm ready to have a little fun.
THE time arrived again to house the store;
THE time came again to set up the store;
The labourer collected as before;
The worker collected as before;
Leaves solely to his lordship were assigned,
Leaves were assigned only to his lordship,
Who sought for those a ready sale to find,
Who looked for a quick sale to find,
But through the market ridicule was heard,
But through the market, laughter could be heard,
And ev'ry one around his jest preferred:—
And everyone around preferred his joke:—
Pray, Mister Devil, where d'ye grow these greens?
Pray, Mister Devil, where do you grow these greens?
How treasure up returns from your demesnes?
How do you gather up returns from your estate?
ENRAGED at what was said, he hurried back,
ENRAGED by what was said, he rushed back,
And, on the clown, proposed to make attack,
And, on the clown, suggested launching an attack,
Who, full of joy, was laughing with his wife,
Who, filled with joy, was laughing with his wife,
And tasting pleasantly the sweets of life.
And enjoying the sweet pleasures of life.
By all the pow'rs of Hell, the demon cried,
By all the powers of Hell, the demon shouted,
He shall the forfeit pay, I now decide;
He will have to pay the penalty, I now decide;
A pretty rascal truly, master Phil:
A real mischievous guy, master Phil:
Here, pleasures you expect at will,
Here, you can enjoy the pleasures you want whenever you want,
Well, well, proceed; gallant it while allowed;
Well, well, go ahead; be bold while you can;
For present I'll remit what I had vowed;
For now, I'll take back what I promised;
A charming lady I'm engaged to meet;
A lovely woman I’m set to meet;
She's sometimes willing: then again discreet;
She's sometimes open, but other times she's reserved;
But soon as I, in cuckold's row, have placed
But as soon as I’ve put myself in the position of a jealous husband,
Her ninny husband, I'll return in haste,
Her clueless husband, I'll be back quickly,
And then so thoroughly I'll trim you o'er,
And then I'll completely fix you up,
Such wily tricks you'll never practise more;
Such clever tricks you'll never use again;
We'll see who best can use his claws and nails,
We'll see who can use their claws and nails the best,
And from the fields obtain the richest sales.
And get the best sales from the fields.
Corn, carrots, radishes, or what you will:—
Corn, carrots, radishes, or whatever you prefer:—
Crop as you like, and show your utmost skill
Crop as you wish, and demonstrate your best skills.
No stratagems howe'er with culture blend;
No tricks, no matter how refined, combine with education;
I'll take my portion from the better end;
I'll take my share from the better end;
Within a week, remember, I'll be here,
Within a week, just remember, I'll be here,
And recollect:—you've every thing to fear.
And remember:—you have everything to be afraid of.
AMAZED at what the lordly devil said,
AMAZED at what the arrogant devil said,
The clod could naught reply, so great his dread;
The lump of earth could say nothing, so deep was his fear;
But at the gasconade Perretta smiled,
But at the boastful display, Perretta smiled,
Who kept his house and weary hours beguiled,
Who took care of his home and made his tired hours more enjoyable,
A sprightly clever lass, with prying eye,
A lively, smart girl with a curious eye,
Who, when a shepherdess, could more descry,
Who, when she was a shepherdess, could see more clearly,
Than sheep or lambs she watched upon the plain,
Than sheep or lambs she watched on the plain,
If other views or points she sought to gain.
If there were other views or points she wanted to understand.
Said she, weep not, I'll undertake at ease,
Said she, don’t cry, I’ll handle it effortlessly,
To gull this novice-devil as I please;
To trick this inexperienced fool however I want;
He's young and ignorant; has nothing seen;
He's young and inexperienced; hasn't seen anything;
Thee; from his rage, I thoroughly will skreen;
Thee; from his anger, I will fully protect.
My little finger, if I like can show
My pinky finger, if I want, can show
More malice than his head and body know.
More malice than he thinks.
THE day arrived, our labourer, not brave,
THE day arrived, our worker, not brave,
Concealed himself, but not in vault nor cave;
Concealed himself, but not in a vault or cave;
He plunged within a vase extremely large,
He dove into a very large vase,
Where holy-water always was in charge;
Where holy water was always in charge;
No demon would have thought to find him there,
No demon would have expected to find him there,
So well the clod had chosen his repair;
So well the clod had picked his fix;
In sacred stoles he muffled up his skin,
In sacred stoles he wrapped his skin,
And, 'bove the water, only kept his chin;
And, above the water, only kept his chin;
There we will leave him, while the priests profound
There we will leave him, while the priests are deep in thought.
Repeated Vade retro round and round.
Repeated Vade retro going around in circles.
PERRETTA at the house remained to greet
PERRETTA at the house stayed to welcome
The lordly devil whom she hoped to cheat.
The powerful devil she thought she could outsmart.
He soon appeared; when with dishevelled hair,
He soon showed up; his hair was messy,
And flowing tears, as if o'erwhelmed with care,
And tears streamed down, like someone overwhelmed with worry,
She sallied forth, and bitterly complained,
She went out and complained bitterly,
How oft by Phil she had been scratched and caned;
How often Phil had scratched and punished her;
Said she, the wretch has used me very ill;
Said she, the poor soul has treated me very badly;
Of cruelty he has obtained his fill;
Of cruelty, he has had more than enough;
For God's sake try, my lord, to get away:
For goodness' sake, please try, my lord, to get away:
Just now I heard the savage fellow say,
Just now I heard that wild guy say,
He'd with his claws your lordship tear and slash:
He'd use his claws to tear and slash, my lord:
See, only see, my lord, he made this gash;
See, only see, my lord, he made this cut;
On which she showed:—what you will guess, no doubt,
On which she showed:—what you will guess, no doubt,
And put the demon presently to rout,
And quickly drove the demon away,
Who crossed himself and trembled with affright:
Who crossed himself and shook with fear:
He'd never seen nor heard of such a sight,
He had never seen or heard of anything like it,
Where scratch from claws or nails had so appeared;
Where scratches from claws or nails had appeared;
His fears prevailed, and off he quickly steered;
His fears took over, and he quickly took off;
Perretta left, who, by her friends around,
Perretta left, surrounded by her friends,
Was complimented on her sense profound,
Was complimented on her deep insight,
That could so well the demon's snares defeat;
That could easily defeat the demon's traps;
The clergy too pronounced her plan discrete.
The clergy also found her plan to be discreet.
FERONDE
Original
IN Eastern climes, by means considered new;
IN Eastern regions, using methods thought to be new;
The Mount's old-man, with terrors would pursue;
The old man of the Mount would chase after terrors;
His large domains howe'er were not the cause,
His vast lands, however, were not the reason,
Nor heaps of gold, that gave him such applause,
Nor piles of gold that earned him so much praise,
But manners strange his subjects to persuade;
But his subjects were persuaded by strange manners;
In ev'ry wish, to serve him they were made.
In every wish, they were created to serve him.
Among his people boldest hearts he chose,
Among his people, he chose the bravest hearts,
And to their view would Paradise disclose
And from their perspective, Paradise would be revealed.
Its blissful pleasures:—ev'ry soft delight,
Its joyful pleasures: every soft delight,
Designed to gratify the sense and sight.
Designed to please the senses and the eye.
So plausible this prophet's tale appeared,
So believable this prophet's story seemed,
Each word he dropt was thoroughly revered.
Each word he dropped was deeply respected.
Whence this delusion?—DRINK deranged the mind;
Whence this delusion?—DRINK messed up the mind;
And, reason drowned, to madness they resigned.
And, with reason gone, they gave in to madness.
Thus void of knowing clearly what they did,
Thus lacking a clear understanding of what they did,
They soon were brought to act as they were bid;
They quickly started to do what they were told;
Conveyed to places, charming to the eye,
Conveyed to places, appealing to the eye,
Enchanting gardens 'neath an azure sky,
Enchanting gardens under a blue sky,
With twining shrubs, meandring walks, and flow'rs,
With climbing shrubs, winding paths, and flowers,
And num'rous grottos, porticoes and bow'rs.
And numerous grottos, porticoes, and bowers.
When they chanced to pass where all was gay,
When they happened to walk by where everything was lively,
From wine's inebriating pow'rful sway,
From wine's intoxicating powerful influence,
They wondered at the frolicking around,
They were amazed by all the fun happening around them,
And fancied they were got on fairy ground,
And thought they were on enchanted ground,
Which Mahomet pretended was assigned,
Which Mahomet claimed was assigned,
For those to his doctrine were inclined.
For those who were drawn to his teachings.
To tempt the men and girls to seek the scene,
To lure the men and girls to find the place,
And skip and play and dance upon the green,
And skip, play, and dance on the green,
To murm'ring streams, meandering along,
To babbling streams, winding along,
And lutes' soft notes and nightingales' sweet song:
And the soft notes of lutes and the sweet song of nightingales:
No earthly pleasure but might there be viewed,
No earthly pleasure that couldn’t be seen,
The best of wines and choicest fruits accrued,
The finest wines and select fruits gathered,
To render sense bewildered at the sight,
To leave the mind confused at the sight,
And sink inebriated with delight.
And sink drunk with delight.
THEN back they bore them motionless to sleep,
THEN they carried them back, still and asleep,
And wake with wishes further joys to reap.
And wake up with hopes for even more happiness to enjoy.
From these enjoyments many fully thought,
From these pleasures, many fully thought,
To such enchanting scenes they should be brought,
To such captivating scenes they should be taken,
In future times, eternal bliss to taste,
In the future, experiencing eternal happiness,
If death and danger valiantly they faced,
If they bravely faced death and danger,
And tried the prophet Mahomet to please,
And tried to please the prophet Muhammad,
And ev'ry point to serve their prince would seize.
And every opportunity to serve their leader they would take.
THE Mount's old man, by means like these, could say;
THE Mount's old man could say things like this;
He'd men devoted to support his sway;
He had men dedicated to supporting his power;
Upon the globe no empire more was feared,
Upon the globe, no empire was more feared,
Or king or potentate like him revered.
Or king or ruler like him revered.
These circumstances I've minutely told,
I've detailed these circumstances.
To show, our tale was known in days of old.
To illustrate, our story was famous long ago.
FERONDE, a rich, but awkward, vulgar clown,
FERONDE, a wealthy but clumsy, crude clown,
A ninny was believed throughout the town;
A fool was thought to exist all over town;
He had the charge of revenues not slight,
He was responsible for a significant amount of revenue,
Which he collected for a friar white.
Which he gathered for a white friar.
Of these I've known as good as any black,
Of these, I've known as well as any black,
When husbands some assistance seemed to lack,
When husbands seemed to need some help,
And had so much to do, they monks might need;
And had so much to do, the monks might need;
Or other friends, their work at home to speed.
Or other friends, to help speed up their work at home.
This friar for to-morrow never thought,
This friar never thought about tomorrow,
But squandered ev'ry thing as soon as brought;
But wasted everything as soon as it was brought;
No saint-apostle less of wealth retained;
No saint-apostle kept less wealth;
Good cheer o'er ev'ry wish triumphant reigned,
Good cheer ruled over every wish triumphantly,
Save now and then to have a little fun,
Save now and then to have a little fun,
(Unknown to others) with a pretty nun.
(Unknown to others) with a pretty nun.
FERONDE had got a spouse of pleasing sight,
FERONDE had a partner who was easy on the eyes,
Related nearly to our friar white,
Related nearly to our friar white,
Whose predecessor, uncle, sponsor kind,
Whose kind predecessor, uncle, sponsor,
Now gone to realms of night, had her consigned,
Now gone to the realms of night, had she been consigned,
To be this silly blockhead's lawful wife,
To be this foolish guy's legal wife,
Who thought her hand the honour of his life.
Who thought her hand was the greatest honor of his life.
'Tis said that bastard-daughters oft retain
'Tis said that illegitimate daughters often keep
A disposition to the parent-train;
A tendency to the parent-train;
And this, the saying, truly ne'er bellied,
And this saying has truly never been proven.
Nor was her spouse so weak but he descried,
Nor was her spouse so weak that he noticed,
Things clearer than was requisite believed,
Things believed clearer than necessary,
And doubted much if he were not deceived.
And he really wondered if he was being fooled.
THE wife would often to the prelate go,
THE wife would often go to the bishop,
Pretending business, proper he should know;
Pretending to do business, he should know better;
A thousand circumstances she could find;
A thousand situations she could discover;
'Twas then accounts: now sev'ral things combined;
'Twas then accounts: now several things combined;
In short no day nor hour within the week,
In short, no day or hour in the week,
But something at the friar's she would seek.
But she would look for something at the friar's.
The holy father then was always prone,
The holy father back then was always inclined,
To send the servants off and be alone.
To send the staff away and have some time to myself.
Howe'er the husband, doubting tricks were played;
However, the husband suspected that tricks had been played;
Got troublesome; his wife would much upbraid
Got troublesome; his wife would often scold
When she returned, and often beat her too;
When she came back, she would often hit her too;
In short,—he unaccommodating grew.
In short, he became uncooperative.
THE rural mind by nature jealous proves;
THE rural mind by nature is inherently jealous;
Suspicion shows of ev'ry thing that moves;
Suspicion arises from everything that moves;
Unused to city ways, perverse appears,
Unused to city ways, the strange seems appealing,
And, undismayed, to principle adheres:
And, undeterred, sticks to principle:
THE friar found his situation hard;
THE friar found his situation tough;
He loved his ease?—all trouble would discard;
He loved his comfort?—he’d avoid all trouble;
As priests in gen'ral anxiously desire;
As priests in general eagerly desire;
Their plan howe'er I never can admire,
Their plan, however, I can never admire,
And should not choose at once to take the town,
And should not decide immediately to conquer the town,
But by the escalade obtain the crown;
But by the climb, obtain the crown;
In LOVE I mean; to WAR I don't allude:
In LOVE I mean; to WAR I don't refer:
No silly bragging I would here intrude,
No pointless bragging will I impose here,
Nor be enrolled among the martial train:
Nor be part of the military group:
'Tis Venus' court that I should like to gain.
It's Venus' court that I'd like to win.
Let t'other custom be the better way:
Let the other custom be the better option:
It matters not; no longer I'll delay,
It doesn't matter; I won't procrastinate any longer,
But to my tale return, and fully state,
But let me get back to my story and explain it completely,
How our receiver, who misused his mate;
How our receiver, who took advantage of his friend;
Was put in purgatory to be cured,
Was sent to purgatory to be healed,
And, for a time, most thoroughly immured.
And, for a while, completely trapped.
BY means of opiate powders, much renowned,
BY means of opiate powders, much renowned,
The friar plunged him in a sleep profound.
The friar put him into a deep sleep.
Thought dead; the fun'ral obsequies achieved,
Thought to be dead; the funeral rites completed,
He was surprised, and doubtless sorely grieved,
He was surprised and probably very upset,
When he awoke and saw where he was placed,
When he woke up and saw where he was,
With folks around, not much to suit his taste;
With people around, not much that appeals to him;
For in the coffin he at large was left,
For he was left lying in the coffin,
And of the pow'r to move was not bereft,
And the power to move was not lost,
But might arise and walk about the tomb,
But it might get up and wander around the tomb,
Which opened to another vaulted room,
Which opened to another vaulted room,
The gloomy, hollow mansion of the dead:
The dark, empty mansion of the deceased:
Fear quickly o'er his drooping spirits spread.
Fear quickly spread over his lowering spirits.
What's here? cried he: is't sleep, or is it death;
What's going on? he shouted: is it sleep, or is it death?
Some charm or spell perhaps withdraws their breath.
Some kind of charm or spell might be taking their breath away.
Our wight then asked their names and business there;
Our guide then asked for their names and what they were doing there;
And why he was retained in such a snare?
And why was he caught in such a trap?
In what had he offended God or man?—
In what way had he upset God or anyone else?—
Said one, console thyself:—past moments scan;
Said one, comfort yourself:—look back on past moments;
When thou hast rested here a thousand years,
When you have rested here for a thousand years,
Thou'lt then ascend amid the Heav'nly spheres;
You'll then rise among the heavenly spheres;
But first in holy purgatory learn,
But first in holy purgatory learn,
To cleanse thyself from sins that we discern;
To cleanse yourself of the sins we see;
One day thy soul shall leave this loathsome place,
One day your soul will leave this miserable place,
And, pure as ice, repair to realms of grace.
And, as pure as ice, head to places of grace.
Then this consoling Angel gave a thwack,
Then this comforting Angel gave a smack,
And ten or dozen stripes laid on his back:—
And ten or twelve stripes were applied to his back:—
'Tis thy unruly, jealous mind, said he,
'It's your uncontrolled, jealous mind,' he said,
Displeases God, and dooms thee here to be.
Displeases God, and doomed you are to be.
A MOURNFUL sigh the lorn receiver heaved,
A sad sigh escaped the lonely receiver,
His aching shoulders rubbed, and sobbed and grieved;
His aching shoulders rubbed, and he cried and mourned;
A thousand years, cried he, 'tis long indeed!
A thousand years, he exclaimed, "that's a really long time!"
My very soul with horror seems to bleed.
My soul feels like it's bleeding from horror.
WE should observe, this Angel was a wag,
WE should note, this Angel was a jokester,
A novice-friar and a convent fag;
A beginner monk and a convent helper;
Like him the others round had parts to act,
Like him, the others gathered had roles to play,
And were disguised in dresses quite exact.
And were dressed in outfits that were a perfect match.
Our penitent most humbly pardon sought;
Our penitent sought forgiveness with great humility;
Said he, if e'er to life again I'm brought,
Said he, if I ever come back to life,
No jealousy, suspicion's hateful bane,
No jealousy, suspicion's toxic foe,
Shall ever enter my distracted brain.
Shall ever enter my confused mind.
May I not have this grace, this wished for boon?
May I not have this favor, this longed-for gift?
Some hopes they gave, but it could not be soon;
Some hopes they offered, but it couldn't be soon;
In short a year he lay upon the floor:
In just a year, he lay on the floor:
Just food for life received, and nothing more,
Just food for life received, and nothing more,
Each day on bread and water he was fed,
Each day he was fed only bread and water,
And o'er his back the cat-o'nine-tails spread:
And over his back, the cat-o'-nine-tails spread:
Full twenty lashes were the number set,
Full twenty lashes was the number set,
Unless the friar should from Heav'n first get
Unless the friar should first receive from Heaven
Permission to remit at times a part,
Permission to send back part of it at times,
For charity was glowing in his heart.
For charity was shining in his heart.
WE, must not doubt, he often offered prayers,
WE, must not doubt, he often prayed,
To ease the culprit's sufferings and cares.
To relieve the culprit's pain and worries.
The Angel likewise made a long discourse;
The Angel also gave a lengthy talk;
Said he, those vile suspicions were the source,
Said he, those nasty suspicions were the source,
Of all thy sorrow, wretchedness, and pain:
Of all your sorrow, suffering, and pain:
Think'st thou such thoughts the clergy entertain?
Do you think the clergy have such thoughts?
A friar white!—too bad in ev'ry sense:
A white friar!—too bad in every way:
Ten strokes to one, if black, for such offence.
Ten strokes for such an offense if you're black.
Repent, I say:—the other this desired,
Repent, I say:—the other wanted this,
Though scarcely he could tell what was required.
Though he could hardly figure out what was needed.
MEANWHILE the prelate with the fav'rite dame,
MEANWHILE, the bishop with the favored lady,
No time to lose, made ev'ry hour the same.
No time to waste, made every hour the same.
The husband, with a sigh, was heard to say:
The husband sighed and said:
I wonder what my wife's about to-day?
I wonder what my wife is up to today?
About?—whate'er it be 'tis doubtless right;
About?—whatever it is, it's definitely right;
Our friar, to console her, takes delight;
Our friar, to comfort her, finds joy;
Thy business too is managed as before,
Your business is still being handled the same way as before,
And anxious care bestowed upon thy store.
And worried attention focused on your shop.
HAS she as usual matters that demand
HAS she as usual matters that demand
Attendance at the cloister to be scanned?—
Attendance at the cloister to be scanned?—
No doubt was the reply, for having now
No doubt was the reply, for having now
The whole affair upon her feeble brow,
The whole situation on her weak brow,
Poor woman! be her wishes what they will,
Poor woman! Whatever her wishes may be,
She more assistance wants thy loss to fill.
She wants more help to deal with your loss.
DISCOURSE like this no pleasure gave the soul:
DISCOURSE like this brought no joy to the soul:
To call him so seems best upon the whole,
To call him that seems like the best option overall,
Since he'd not pow'r like others here to feed:—
Since he didn't have the power like others here to provide:—
Mere earthly shadow for a time decreed.
Mere earthly shadow for a time set.
A MONTH was passed in fasting, pains, and prayer;
A month went by filled with fasting, struggles, and prayer;
Some charity the friar made him share,
Some charity the friar made him share,
And now and then remission would direct;
And now and then, relief would take charge;
The widow too he never would neglect,
The widow, he would never ignore either,
But, all the consolation in his pow'r,
But all the comfort in his power,
Bestowed upon her ev'ry leisure hour,
Bestowed upon her every free hour,
His tender cares unfruitful were not long;
His loving efforts didn’t go unrewarded for long;
Beyond his hopes the soil proved good and strong;
Beyond his hopes, the soil turned out to be good and strong;
In short our Pater Abbas justly feared,
In short, our Father Abbot justly feared,
To make him father many signs appeared.
To make him a father, many signs appeared.
SINCE 'twere improper such a fact were known;
SINCE it would be inappropriate for such a fact to be known;
When proofs perhaps too clearly might be shown,
When evidence might be shown too clearly,
So many prayers were said and vigils kept,
So many prayers were offered and vigils held,
At length the soul from purgatory crept,
At last, the soul crept out of purgatory,
So much reduced, and ev'ry way so thin
So much reduced, and every way so thin
But little more he seemed than bones and skin.
But he looked like nothing more than bones and skin.
A THING so strange filled numbers with surprise,
A strange thing surprised everyone with numbers,
Who scarcely would believe their ears and eyes.
Who could hardly believe what they were hearing and seeing?
The friar passed for saint:—Feronde his fruit;
The friar was seen as a saint—Feronde his fruit;
None durst presume to doubt nor to dispute;
None dared to presume to doubt or argue;
A double miracle at once appeared
A double miracle suddenly showed up.
The dead's return: the lady's state revered.
The return of the dead: the lady's state respected.
With treble force Te Deum round was sung;
With triple strength, the Te Deum was sung.
Sterility in marriage oft was rung,
Sterility in marriage was often discussed,
And near the convent many offered prayers,
And near the convent, many people prayed,
In hopes their fervent vows would gain them heirs.
In hopes that their passionate vows would help them have children.
THE humble spouse and wife we now shall leave
THE humble spouse and wife we will leave now
Let none, howe'er, suppose that we conceive,
Let no one, however, think that we believe,
Each husband merits, as our soul, the same,
Each husband deserves the same as our soul,
To cure the jealous fears his breast inflame.
To heal the jealousy that burns within him.
THE PSALTER
Original
ONCE more permit me, nuns, and this the last;
ONCE more let me, nuns, and this will be the last;
I can't resist, whatever may have passed,
I can't resist, no matter what has happened,
But must relate, what often I've been told;
But I have to share what I've often been told;
Your tales of convent pranks are seldom cold;
Your stories about convent pranks are rarely boring;
They have a grace that no where else we find,
They have a grace that we can't find anywhere else,
And, somehow, better seem to please designed.
And, somehow, they seem to be designed to please better.
Another then we'll have, which three will make:—
Another then we'll have, and that will make three:—
Three did I say?-'tis four, or I mistake;
Three did I say? It's four, or I must be mistaken;
Let's count them well:-The GARD'NER first, we'll name;
Let's count them properly: the GARD'NER first, we'll name;
Then comes the ABBESS, whose declining frame
Then comes the ABBESS, whose aging body
Required a youth, her malady to cure
Required a young person, her illness to cure
A story thought, perhaps, not over pure;
A story that may not be entirely pure;
And, as to SISTER JANE, who'd got a brat,
And, as for SISTER JANE, who had a kid,
I cannot fancy we should alter that.
I can't imagine we would change that.
These are the whole, and four's a number round;
These are complete, and four is a round number;
You'll probably remark, 'tis strange I've found
You'll probably say, 'it's strange I've found
Such pleasure in detailing convent scenes:—
Such joy in describing convent scenes:—
'Tis not my whim, but TASTE, that thither leans:
'Tis not my whim, but my TASTE that leans there:
And, if you'd kept your breviary in view,
And, if you had kept your prayer book in sight,
'Tis clear, you'd nothing had with this to do;
It's clear you had nothing to do with this;
We know, howe'er, 'tis not your fondest care;
We know, however, that it’s not your greatest concern;
So, quickly to our hist'ry let's repair.
So, let's quickly go back to our history.
A CHARMING youth would frequent visits pay,
A charming young man would often visit,
To nuns, whose convent near his dwelling lay;
To nuns, whose convent was close to his home;
And, 'mong the sisters, one his person saw,
And among the sisters, one person saw him,
Who, by her eyes, would fain attention draw;
Who, with her eyes, would gladly catch attention;
Smiles she bestowed, and other complaisance,
Smiles she gave, along with other kindness,
But not a single step would he advance;
But he wouldn't take a single step forward;
By old and young he greatly was admired;
He was greatly admired by both old and young;
Sighs burst around, but none his bosom fired.
Sighs surrounded him, but none ignited his heart.
Fair Isabella solely got his love,
Fair Isabella solely got his love,
A beauteous nun, and gentle as a dove,
A beautiful nun, gentle as a dove,
Till then a novice in the flow'ry chain,
Till then a beginner in the flowery chain,
And envied doubly:—for her charms and swain.
And envied twice as much: for her beauty and her guy.
Their soft amours were watched with eagle-eye:
Their tender love affairs were closely monitored:
No pleasure's free from care you may rely;
No pleasure comes without worry, you can count on that;
In life each comfort coupled is with ill,
In life, every comfort comes with some sort of trouble.
And this to alter baffles all our skill.
And this change confounds all our abilities.
THE sister nuns so vigilant had been,
THE sister nuns had been so watchful,
One night when darkness overspread the scene;
One night when darkness covered the scene;
And all was proper mysteries to hide,
And everything was proper mysteries to conceal,
Some words escaped her cell that doubts supplied,
Some words slipped out of her prison that doubts provided,
And other matters too were heard around,
And other issues were discussed as well,
That in her breviary could not be found.
That couldn't be found in her prayer book.
'Tis her gallant! said they: he's clearly caught;
'It's her hero!' they said: he's definitely hooked;
Alarm pervaded; swarms were quickly brought;
Alarm spread everywhere; crowds quickly gathered;
Rage seemed to triumph; sentinels were placed;
Rage seemed to win; guards were set up;
The abbess too must know they were disgraced.
The abbess also needs to know that they were disgraced.
Away they hastened to convey surprise,
Away they hurried to express their surprise,
And, thund'ring at her door, cried, madam rise,
And, banging on her door, shouted, "Madam, get up!"
For sister Isabella, in her cell,
For sister Isabella, in her cell,
Has got a man, which surely can't be well.
Has a man, which surely can't be good.
YOU will observe, the dame was not at prayer,
YOU will notice, the woman was not praying,
Nor yet absorbed in sleep, devoid of care,
Nor still lost in sleep, without a worry,
But with her then, this abbess had in bed
But with her at that time, this abbess had in bed
Good parson John, by kindness thither led,
Good Parson John, led there by his kindness,
A neighb'ring rector, confessor, and friend;
A neighboring rector, confessor, and friend;
She rose in haste the sisters to attend,
She quickly got up to attend to her sisters,
And, seeking for her veil, with sense confused,
And, looking for her veil, feeling disoriented,
The parson's breeches took for what she used,
The parson's pants were taken for what she wore,
Which, in the dark, resembled what was worn
Which, in the dark, looked like what was worn
By nuns for veils, and called (perhaps in scorn),
By nuns for veils, and called (maybe in mockery),
Among themselves, their PSALTER, to express
Among themselves, their PSALTER, to express
Familiarly, a common, awkward dress.
A casual, awkward outfit.
WITH this new ornament, by way of veil,
WITH this new ornament, as a veil,
She sallied forth and heard the woeful tale.
She set out and heard the sad story.
Then, irritated, she exclaimed with ire
Then, annoyed, she shouted with anger.
To see this wretched creature I desire,
To see this miserable creature I want,
The devil's daughter, from her bold career,
The devil's daughter, from her daring journey,
Who'll bring our convent to disgrace, I fear;
Who will bring shame to our convent, I'm afraid;
But God forbid, I say, and with his leave,
But God forbid, I say, and with his permission,
We'll all restore:—rebuke she shall receive.
We'll all recover:—she will get reprimanded.
A chapter we will call:—the sisters came,
A chapter we will call:—the sisters arrived,
And stood around to hear their pious dame.
And gathered around to listen to their devout lady.
FAIR Isabella now the abbess sent,
FAIR Isabella, now the abbess, sent,
Who straight obeyed, and to her tears gave vent,
Who simply obeyed and let her tears flow,
Which overspread those lily cheeks and eyes,
Which covered those pale cheeks and eyes,
A roguish youth so lately held his prize.
A mischievous young man recently claimed his prize.
What! said the abbess: pretty scandal here,
What! said the abbess: this is quite a scandal here,
When in the house of God such things appear;
When these things happen in the house of God;
Ashamed to death you ought to be, no doubt,
Ashamed to death you should be, no doubt,
Who brought you thither?—such we always scout.
Who brought you there?—that’s what we always reject.
NOW Isabella, (—sister you must lose,
NOW Isabella, (—sister you must lose,
Henceforth, that name to you we cannot use;
Henceforth, we can't use that name with you;
The honour is too great,) in such a case,
The honor is too great in this case,
Pray are you sensible of your disgrace,
Pray, are you aware of your disgrace?
And what's the punishment you'll undergo?
And what punishment will you face?
Before to-morrow, this you'll fully know;
Before tomorrow, you will fully understand this;
Our institution chastisement decrees;
Our institution's discipline rules;
Come speak, I say, we'll hear you if you please.
Come talk to us, I say, we’ll listen if you’d like.
POOR Isabella, with her sight on ground,
POOR Isabella, with her eyes on the ground,
Confused, till then had scarcely looked around,
Confused, he had barely looked around until then,
Now raised her eyes, and luckily perceived
Now she lifted her eyes and, fortunately, noticed
The breeches, which her fears in part relieved,
The pants, which eased some of her fears,
And that the sisters, by surprise unnerved,
And that the sisters, unexpectedly shaken,
As oft's the case, had never once observed.
As is often the case, I had never noticed.
She courage took, and to the abbess said,
She gathered her courage and said to the abbess,
There's something from the Psalter, on your head,
There's something from the Psalms on your head,
That awkwardly hangs down; pray, madam, try
That hangs down awkwardly; please, ma'am, try
To put it right, or 'twill be in your eye.
To make it right, or it’ll be in your face.
'TWAS knee-strings, worn, at times, by priests and beaux,
'Twas knee-length breeches, sometimes worn by priests and fashionable young men,
For, more or less, all follow fashion's laws.
For the most part, everyone follows the rules of fashion.
This veil, no doubt, had very much the air
This veil definitely had a lot of the look
Of those unmentionables parsons wear;
Of those unmentionables pastors wear;
And this the nun, to frolicking inclined,
And this the nun, who was inclined to have fun,
It seems had well impressed upon her mind.
It seems it had made a strong impression on her mind.
What, cried the abbess, dares she still to sneer?
What, the abbess shouted, does she still have the nerve to sneer?
How great her insolence to laugh and jeer,
How outrageous her disrespect to laugh and mock,
When sins so heavily upon her rest,
When sins weigh so heavily upon her,
And ev'ry thing remains quite unconfessed.
And everything stays totally unconfessed.
Upon my word, she'd be a saint decreed;
Upon my word, she'd be considered a saint;
My veil, young imp, your notice cannot need;
My veil, young trickster, you definitely don't need to pay attention to;
'Tis better think, you little hellish crow,
'Tis better to think, you little hellish crow,
What pains your soul must undergo below.
What struggles your soul must endure below.
THE mother abbess sermonized and fired,
THE mother abbess preached with passion,
And seemed as if her tongue would ne'er be tired.
And it seemed like her tongue would never get tired.
Again the culprit said, your Psalter, pray,
Again the culprit said, your Psalter, please,
Good madam, haste to set the proper way;
Good lady, hurry to follow the right path;
On which the sisters looked, both young and old
On which the sisters looked, both young and old
THOSE 'gan to laugh, while THESE were heard to scold.
THOSE started to laugh, while THESE were heard scolding.
OUR preacher, quite ashamed of what she'd done,
OUR preacher, feeling really embarrassed about what she'd done,
Now lost her voice, and noticed not the nun;
Now she had lost her voice and didn't notice the nun;
The murmur buzzed around, too well expressed,
The murmur buzzed around, too well expressed,
What thoughts the holy sisterhood possessed.
What thoughts the holy sisterhood had.
At length the abbess said:—we've now not time
At last, the abbess said:—we no longer have time
To take the chapter's votes upon her crime;
To gather the votes from the chapter on her crime;
'Twould make it late; let each to bed return,
'It would make it late; let everyone return to bed,
And, till to-morrow, we'll the case adjourn.
And, until tomorrow, we’ll postpone the case.
No chapter met, howe'er, when morrow came;
No chapter met, however, when tomorrow came;
Another day arrived, and still the same;
Another day came, and it was still the same;
The sages of the convent thought it best,
The wise people of the convent believed it was best,
In fact, to let the mystick business rest.
In fact, to put the mystical stuff aside.
Much noise, perhaps, would hurt religion's cause,
Much noise, maybe, would harm the cause of religion,
And, that considered, prudent 'twere to pause.
And, considering that, it would be wise to take a break.
Base envy made them Isabella hate,
Base envy made Isabella resent,
And dark suspicions to the abbess state.
And dark suspicions toward the abbess become known.
In short, unable by their schemes to get
In short, unable through their plans to get
The morsel she'd so fortunately met,
The piece she'd been so lucky to encounter,
Each nun exerted all her art to find,
Each nun did her best to find,
What equally might satisfy the mind.
What could also satisfy the mind.
Old friends were willingly received again;
Old friends were welcomed back with open arms;
Her gallant our belle was suffered to retain;
Her brave beauty was allowed to keep;
The rector and the abbess had their will;
The rector and the abbess got their way;
And, such their union, precepts to fulfill,
And, such is their union, rules to follow,
That if a nun had none to give her bliss,
That if a nun had no one to bring her happiness,
To lend a friend was nothing thought amiss.
To lend a friend was nothing thought out of the ordinary.
KING CANDAULES AND THE DOCTOR OF LAWS
Original
IN life oft ills from self-imprudence spring;
IN life, many problems arise from poor judgment;
As proof, Candaules' story we will bring;
As proof, we will present Candaules' story;
In folly's scenes the king was truly great:
In foolish moments, the king was truly great:
His vassal, Gyges, had from him a bait,
His vassal, Gyges, received a lure from him,
The like in gallantry was rarely known,
The kind of bravery seen here was rarely known,
And want of prudence never more was shown.
And a lack of caution was never more evident.
MY friend, said he, you frequently have seen
MY friend, he said, you often have seen
The beauteous face and features of the queen;
The beautiful face and features of the queen;
But these are naught, believe me, to the rest,
But these are nothing, trust me, compared to the rest,
Which solely can be viewed when quite undressed.
Which can only be seen when completely undressed.
Some day I'll let you gratify your eyes;
Some day I'll let you enjoy what you see;
Without her knowledge I'll means devise;
Without her knowing, I'll come up with a plan;
But on condition:—you'll remember well
But on one condition:—you'll remember well
What you behold, to no one you will tell,
What you see, you won't share with anyone,
In ev'ry step most cautiously proceed,
In every step, move very carefully,
And not your mind with silly wishes feed;
And don't fill your mind with silly wishes;
No sort of pleasure surely I could take,
No kind of pleasure could I possibly take,
To see vain passion you her lover make.
To see you make her your lover out of vain passion.
You must propose, this charming form to view,
You have to suggest this delightful way to see,
As if mere marble, though to nature true;
As if just marble, even though it's true to nature;
And I'm convinced you'll readily declare,
And I’m sure you’ll easily say,
Beyond nor art can reach, nor thought prepare;
Beyond what art can express or thought can conceive;
Just now I left her in the bath at ease:
Just now I left her relaxing in the bath:
A judge you are, and shall the moment seize;
A judge you are, so take the moment.
Come, witness my felicity supreme;
Come, see my ultimate happiness;
You know her beauties are my constant theme.
You know her beauty is always on my mind.
AWAY they went, and Gyges much admired;
AWAY they went, and Gyges was very impressed;
Still more than that: in truth his breast was fired;
Still more than that: in reality, his chest was burning;
For when she moved astonishment was great,
For when she moved, everyone was amazed,
And ev'ry grace upon her seemed to wait.
And every grace seemed to be waiting for her.
Emotion to suppress howe'er he tried,
Emotion to suppress however he tried,
Since he had promised what he felt to hide;
Since he had promised to keep his true feelings hidden;
To hold his tongue he wished, but that might raise
To keep quiet was his desire, but that might raise
Suspicions of designs and mystick ways.
Suspicions of schemes and mysterious methods.
Exaggeration was the better part,
Exaggeration was the main part,
And from the subject he would never start,
And he would never begin with the topic,
But fully praised each beauty in detail,
But praised each beauty in detail.
Without appearing any thing to veil.
Without appearing to hide anything.
Gods! Gyges cried, how truly, king, you're blessed;
Gods! Gyges exclaimed, how truly, king, you're lucky;
The skin how fair—how charming all the rest!
The skin is so fair—everything else is so charming!
THIS am'rous conversation by the queen
THIS am'rous conversation by the queen
Was never heard, or she'd enraged have been;
Was never heard, or she would have been enraged;
In ancient days of ignorance, we find,
In the old days of ignorance, we find,
The sex, to show resentment, much inclined;
The sex, ready to express resentment, very inclined;
In diff'rent light at present this appears,
In different light now, this seems,
And fulsome praises ne'er offend their ears.
And excessive compliments never bother them.
OUR arch observer struggled with his sighs
OUR arch observer struggled with his sighs
Those feelings much increased, so fair the prize:
Those feelings increased a lot, considering how great the reward was:
The prince, in doubt, conducted him away;
The prince, unsure, led him away;
But in his heart a hundred arrows lay;
But in his heart, there were a hundred arrows.
Each magick charm directed pointed darts;
Each magic charm sent sharp arrows;
To flee were useless: LOVE such pain imparts,
To run away is pointless: LOVE brings such pain,
That nothing can at times obstruct its course;
That nothing can sometimes block its path;
So quick the flight: so truly great the force.
So fast the flight: so truly great the power.
WHILE near the king, much caution Gyges showed;
WHILE he was near the king, Gyges was very careful;
But soon the belle perceived his bosom glowed;
But soon the beauty noticed his chest was glowing;
She learned the cause:—her spouse the tale disclosed,
She found out the reason:—her partner revealed the story,
And laughed and jeered, as he the facts exposed:
And laughed and mocked as he revealed the facts:
A silly blockhead! not to know a queen
A silly blockhead! Not to recognize a queen!
Could raillery not bear on such a scene.
Could teasing not apply to such a scene?
But had it pleased her wishes, still 'twere right
But if it had made her happy, it would still be right.
(Such honour's dictates) to discover spite;
(Such honor's dictates) to uncover spite;
And this she truly did, while in her mind,
And she really did this, while in her mind,
To be revenged she fully was inclined.
To get revenge, she was completely determined.
FOR once, good reader, I should wish thee wife;
FOR once, good reader, I would like you to have a wife;
Or otherwise, thou never can'st in life,
Or else, you can never in life,
Conceive the lengths a woman oft will go,
Conceive the lengths a woman often will go,
Whose breast is filled with wrath and secret woe.
Whose heart is filled with anger and hidden sorrow.
A mortal was allowed these charms to view,
A mortal was allowed to see these charms,
Which others' eyes could never dare pursue.
Which other people's eyes could never dare to follow.
Such treasures were for gods, or rather kings
Such treasures were meant for gods, or more accurately, for kings.
The privilege of both are beauteous things.
The privilege of both is beautiful.
THESE thoughts induced the queen revenge to seek;
THESE thoughts led the queen to seek revenge;
Rage moved her breast, and shame possessed her cheek.
Rage filled her with anger, and shame colored her cheek.
E'en Cupid, we are told, assistance gave;
Even Cupid, we are told, gave his assistance;
What from his aim effectually can save?
What can save him from his goal?
Fair in person was Gyges to behold;
Fair in person was Gyges to behold;
Excuses for her easy 'twere to mould;
Excuses for her easy would be easy to shape;
To show her charms, what baseness could excel?
To show off her charms, what could be more lowly?
And on th' exposer all her hatred fell.
And all her hatred was directed at the exposer.
Besides, he was a husband, which is worse
Besides, he was a husband, which is even worse.
With these each sin receives a double curse.
With these, each sin gets a double curse.
What more shall I detail?—the facts are plain:
What else should I explain?—the facts are clear:
Detested was the king:—beloved the swain;
Detested was the king:—beloved the shepherd;
All was accomplished, and the monarch placed
All was accomplished, and the monarch placed
Among the heroes who with horns are graced;
Among the heroes who are adorned with horns;
No doubt a dignity not much desired,
No doubt a dignity that's not very sought after,
Though in repute, and easily acquired.
Though reputable and readily available.
SUCH merit had the prince's folly got,
SUCH merit had the prince's foolishness gained,
'In petto', Vulcan's brother was his lot;
'In private', Vulcan's brother was his share;
The distance thence is little to the HAT:
The distance from there is short to the HAT:
The honour much the same of this or that.
The honor is pretty much the same for this or that.
SO far 'twas passing well, but, in the intrigue;
SO far it was going well, but, in the intrigue;
The cruel Parcae now appeared to league;
The cruel Fates now seemed to unite;
And soon the lovers, on possession bent,
And soon the lovers, eager for intimacy,
To black Cocytus' shores the monarch sent;
To the dark shores of Cocytus the king sent;
Too much of certain potions forced to drink,
Too much of some potions that you're made to drink,
He quickly viewed the dreary, horrid brink;
He quickly looked at the dull, terrible edge;
While pleasing the objects Gyges' eyes beheld;
While pleasing the things Gyges saw;
And in the palace presently he dwelled,
And in the palace, he lived there now,
For, whether love or rage the widow fired,
For, whether it was love or anger that ignited the widow,
Her throne and hand she gave, as was required.
Her throne and hand she offered, as was needed.
T' EXTEND this tale was never my design;
T' EXTEND this story was never my intention;
Though known full well, I do not now repine;
Though I know it well, I’m not regretting it now;
The case so thoroughly my purpose served.
The case completely served my purpose.
Ne'er from the narrative the object swerved;
Ne'er from the narrative the object swerved;
And scarcely can I fancy, better light
And I can hardly imagine a better light
The DOCTOR will afford to what I write.
The DOCTOR will pay attention to what I write.
The scenes that follow I from Rome have drawn;
The scenes that follow I drew from Rome;
Not Rome of old, ere manners had their dawn,
Not the ancient Rome, before manners were established,
When customs were unpleasant and severe
When traditions were harsh and strict
The females, silly, and gallants in fear;
The women, foolish, and the stylish in fear;
But Rome of modern days, delightful spot!
But modern-day Rome, what a wonderful place!
Where better tastes have into fashion got,
Where better tastes have come into fashion,
And pleasure solely occupies the mind
And pleasure only fills the mind.
To rapture ev'ry bosom seems resigned.
To captivate every heart seems accepted.
A tempting journey truly it appears,
A tempting journey it truly seems,
For youths from twenty on to thirty years.
For young people aged twenty to thirty.
NOT long ago, then, in the city dwelled,
NOT long ago, then, in the city lived,
A master, who in teaching law excelled;
A master who was outstanding in teaching law;
In other matters he, howe'er, was thought
In other matters, he, however, was thought
A man that jollity and laughter sought.
A man who sought joy and laughter.
He criticised whatever passed around,
He criticized whatever circulated,
And oft, at others' cost, diversion found.
And often found entertainment at others' expense.
IT happened that our learned doctor had,
IT happened that our knowledgeable doctor had,
Among his many pupils (good and bad)
Among his many students (both good and bad)
A Frenchman, less designed to study laws,
A French guy, not really cut out for studying laws,
Than, in amours, perhaps, to gain applause.
Than in romantic pursuits, perhaps, to earn praise.
One day, observing him with clouded mien,
One day, seeing him with a troubled expression,
My friend, said he, you surely have the spleen,
My friend, he said, you must really have some pent-up frustration,
And, out of college, nothing seem to do;
And, after college, nothing seemed to work;
No law books read:—some object I'd pursue;
No law books read:—some goal I'd chase;
A handsome Frenchman should his hours improve;
A handsome Frenchman should make the most of his time;
Seek soft intrigues, or as a lover move;
Seek gentle intrigues, or move like a lover;
Talents you have, and gay coquettes are here
Talents you have, and playful flirts are here
Not one, thank heav'n, but numbers oft appear.
Not just one, thank goodness, but many often show up.
THE student answered, I am new at Rome,
THE student answered, I am new to Rome,
And, save the belles who sell their beauteous bloom,
And, except for the beautiful women who sell their lovely looks,
I can't perceive, gallants much business find,
I can't see, but the gentlemen have plenty to do,
Each house, like monasteries, is designed,
Each house, like monasteries, is designed,
With double doors, and bolts, and matrons sour,
With double doors, bolts, and grumpy matrons,
And husbands Argus-eyed, who'd you devour.
And husbands who are watchful, ready to consume you.
Where can I go to follow up your plan,
Where can I go to check on your plan,
And hope, in spots like these, a flame to fan?
And hope, in places like these, a spark to ignite?
'Twere not less difficult to reach the moon,
'Twas not any less difficult to reach the moon,
And with my teeth I'd bite it just as soon.
And I'd bite it with my teeth right away.
HA! HA! replied the doctor with delight,
HA! HA! said the doctor happily,
The honour which you do us is not slight;
The honor you're showing us is not small;
I pity men quite fresh and raw like you;
I feel sorry for guys who are still so new and inexperienced like you;
Our town, I see, you've hardly travelled through,
Our town, I notice, you’ve hardly explored,
You fancy then, such wily snares are set,
You think, then, that such clever traps are laid,
'Tis difficult intrigues in Rome to get.
It's hard to get involved in intrigues in Rome.
I'd have you know, we've creatures who devise,
I'd like you to know, we have beings who create,
To horn their husbands under Argus' eyes.
To cheat on their husbands right under Argus' watch.
'Tis very common; only try around,
'Tis very common; only try around,
And soon you'll find, that sly amours abound.
And soon you'll discover that sneaky love affairs are everywhere.
Within the neighb'ring church go take your place,
Within the nearby church, go take your place,
And, to the dames who pass in search of grace,
And to the women who walk by looking for elegance,
Present your fingers dipt in water blessed:—
Present your fingers dipped in holy water:—
A sign for those who wish to be caressed.
A sign for those who want to be pampered.
In case the suppliant's air some lady please,
In case the applicant pleases any lady,
Who knows her trade, and how to act at ease,
Who knows her craft and how to be comfortable,
She'll send a message, something to desire:
She'll send a message, something to wish for:
You'll soon be found, wherever you retire,
You'll soon be discovered, no matter where you settle down,
Though lodged so secretly, that God alone,
Though kept so secretly that only God knows,
Till then, your place of residence had known.
Till then, your home had been aware.
An aged female will on you attend,
An older woman will take care of you,
Who, used to this, will full assistance lend,
Who, accustomed to this, will lend full help,
Arrange an interview with wily art;
Arrange an interview with clever art;
No trouble take, you'll have an easy part;
No worries, you'll have an easy time;
No trouble did I say? why, that's too much;
No trouble did I say? Well, that's too much;
Some things I would except, their pow'r is such;
Some things I would accept, their power is such;
And proper 'tis, my friend, that I should hint,
And it's only right, my friend, that I should suggest,
Attentions you at Rome should well imprint,
Attentions you should pay special attention to in Rome,
And be discrete; in France you favours boast:
And be discreet; in France, you show off your preferences:
Of ev'ry moment here you make the most;
Of every moment here, you make the most;
The Romans to the greatest lengths proceed.
The Romans go to great lengths.
So best, the spark replied, I like the deed;
So best, the spark replied, I like the deed;
And, though no Gascon, I may boldly say;
And, even though I'm not from Gascony, I can confidently say;
Superior prowess always I display.
I always show superior skill.
Perhaps 'twas otherwise, for ev'ry wight;
Perhaps it was different for everyone;
In this, to play the Gascon, thinks it right.
In this, to act like a Gascon, thinks it’s appropriate.
To all the doctor's words our youth adhered,
To everything the doctor said, our youth listened,
And presently within a church appeared,
And right now, a church appeared,
Where daily came the choicest belles around,
Where the most beautiful women gathered every day,
And loves and graces in their train were found,
And love and kindness followed them,
Or, if 'tis wished in modern phrase to speak,
Or, if it's preferred to speak in modern terms,
Attention num'rous angels there would seek.
Many angels are seeking attention.
Beneath their veils were beauteous sparkling eyes;
Beneath their veils were beautiful, sparkling eyes;
The holy-water scarcely would suffice.
The holy water barely sufficed.
IN lucky spot the spark his station took,
IN lucky spot the spark his station took,
And gave to each that passed a plaintive look;
And gave a sad look to everyone who passed by;
To some he bowed; to others seemed to pray,
To some, he bowed; to others, he seemed to pray,
And holy water offered on their way.
And holy water was offered along their way.
One angel 'mong the rest the boon received,
One angel among the rest received the blessing,
With easy pleasing air, that much relieved;
With a relaxed and pleasing vibe, that was such a relief;
On which the student to himself expressed,
On which the student said to himself,
A fond belief, with her he might be blessed.
A hopeful belief, with her he might be happy.
WHEN home, an aged female to him came,
WHEN at home, an older woman came to him,
And soon a meeting place he heard her name.
And soon he heard her name mentioned at a meeting place.
To count particulars howe'er were vain
To count specifics would be pointless.
Their pranks were many, and their folly plain;
Their pranks were numerous, and their foolishness obvious;
The belle was handsome; ev'ry bliss was sought,
The beauty was stunning; every joy was pursued,
And all their moments most delightful thought.
And all their moments were the most enjoyable thoughts.
HE, to the doctor, ev'ry matter told
HE, to the doctor, told everything.
Discretion in a Frenchman would be cold;
Discretion in a Frenchman would come across as distant;
'Tis out of nature, and bespeaks the cit;
'Tis unnatural, and shows the city;
Smells strong of shop, and would not fashion fit.
Smells too much like a store, and wouldn't make a good fit.
THE learned teacher satisfaction showed,
The knowledgeable teacher satisfaction showed,
That such success from his instructions flowed,
That such success came from his teachings,
Laughed heartily at husbands, silly wights,
Laughed loudly at husbands, foolish guys,
Who had not wit to guard connubial rights,
Who was too foolish to protect marital rights,
And from their lamb the wily wolf to keep:
And to keep watch over their lamb, the cunning wolf:
A shepherd will o'erlook a hundred sheep,
A shepherd will overlook a hundred sheep,
While foolish man's unable to protect,
While a foolish man is unable to protect,
E'en one where most he'd wish to be correct.
Even one where he would most want to be right.
Howe'er, this care he thought was somewhat hard,
However, he thought this concern was a bit difficult,
But not a thing impossible to guard;
But it’s not impossible to protect;
And if he had not got a hundred eyes,
And if he didn't have a hundred eyes,
Thank heav'n, his wife, though cunning to devise,
Thank heaven, his wife, though clever at planning,
He could defy:—her thoughts so well he knew,
He could challenge her thoughts so well he knew,
That these intrigues she never would pursue.
That she would never get involved in these plots.
YOU'LL, ne'er believe, good reader, without shame,
YOU'LL never believe, good reader, without shame,
The doctor's wife was she our annals name;
The doctor's wife was known in our records as;
And what's still worse, so many things he asked,
And even worse, he asked so many things,
Her look, air, form, and secret charms unmasked,
Her appearance, demeanor, shape, and hidden allure revealed,
That ev'ry answer fully seemed to say,
That every answer seemed to fully say,
'Twas clearly she, who thus had gone astray.
It was clearly her who had gone off track.
One circumstance the lawyer led to doubt:
One situation the lawyer caused to question:
Some talents had the student pointed out,
Some talents were pointed out by the student,
Which she had never to her husband shown,
Which she had never shown to her husband,
And this relief administered alone.
And this relief provided alone.
Thought he, those manners not to her belong,
Thought he, those manners didn't suit her,
But all the rest are indications strong,
But everything else is a strong indication,
And prove the case; yet she at home is dull;
And make your point; yet she's boring at home;
While this appears to be a prattling trull,
While this seems to be a chatty fool,
And pleasing in her conversation too;
And enjoyable in her conversations too;
In other matters 'tis my wife we view,
In other matters, it's my wife we're looking at,
Form, face, complexion, features, eyes, and hair,
Form, face, skin tone, features, eyes, and hair,
The whole combined pronounces her the fair.
The whole group calls her beautiful.
AT length, when to himself the sage had said
AT last, when the wise man had said to himself
'Tis she; and then, 'tis not;—his senses led
'Tis she; and then, it's not;—his senses led
To make him in the first opinion rest,
To put his mind at ease,
You well may guess what rage was in his breast.
You can probably imagine the anger he felt inside.
A second meeting you have fixed? cried he;
A second meeting you scheduled? he exclaimed;
Yes, said the Frenchman, that was made with glee;
Yes, said the Frenchman, that was made with joy;
We found the first so pleasing to our mind,
We found the first one very pleasing to our mind,
That to another both were well inclined,
That they both had a good attitude toward each other,
And thoroughly resolved more fun to seek.
And completely decided to look for more fun.
That's right, replied the doctor, have your freak;
That's right, the doctor replied, go ahead and do your thing;
The lady howsoe'er I now could name.
The lady however I can now name.
The scholar answered, that to me's the same;
The scholar replied, that’s the same to me;
I care not what she's called, Nor who she be:
I don't care what she's called, or who she is:
'Tis quite enough that we so well agree.
It’s more than enough that we get along so well.
By this time I'm convinced her loving spouse.
By now, I'm sure she's in love with her spouse.
Possesses what an anchorite might rouse;
Possesses what a hermit might awaken;
And if a failure any where be met,
And if a failure is encountered anywhere,
At such a place to-morrow one may get,
At that place tomorrow, one can get,
What I shall hope, exactly at the hour,
What I hope, at the exact hour,
To find resigned and fully in my pow'r:
To find acceptance and fully in my control:
IN bed I shall be instantly received,
IN bed I will be immediately welcomed,
And from anxiety be soon relieved.
And soon be free from anxiety.
The place of meeting is a room below,
The meeting will take place in a room downstairs,
Most nicely furnished, rich, but void of show.
Most well-decorated, affluent, but lacking in extravagance.
At first I through a passage dark was led,
At first, I was led through a dark passage,
Where Sol's bright rays are ne'er allowed to spread;
Where the sun's bright rays are never allowed to shine;
But soon, by my conductress, I was brought,
But soon, my guide brought me,
'Mid LOVE'S delights, where all with charms was frought.
'In the pleasures of love, where everything was filled with charms.
Original
ON this you may suppose the doctor's pain;
ON this you may suppose the doctor's pain;
But presently he thought a point to gain,
But right now he saw a point to gain,
And take the student's place by wily art,
And cleverly take the student's spot,
Where, acting in disguise the lover's part,
Where, pretending to be someone else, the lover plays their role,
His rib he might entangle in a net,
His rib could get caught in a net,
And vassalage bestow she'd ne'er forget.
And she'd never forget the feudal loyalty.
Our learned man was clearly in the wrong;
Our knowledgeable person was clearly mistaken;
'Twere better far to sleep and hold his tongue;
It would be much better to sleep and keep quiet;
Unless, with God's assistance, he could raise
Unless, with God's help, he could raise
A remedy that merited full praise.
A solution that deserves high praise.
Whenever wives have got a candidate,
Whenever wives have a choice,
To be admitted to the Cuckold's state,
To be accepted into the Cuckold’s state,
If thence he get scot free 'tis luck indeed;
If he manages to get away without any consequences, that's definitely luck.
But once received, and ornaments decreed,
But once received, and decorations decided,
A blot the more will surely nothing add,
A stain won't really add anything more,
To one already in the garment clad.
To someone already dressed in clothes.
The doctor otherwise however thought;
The doctor thought otherwise;
Yet still his reason no advantage brought;
Yet his reasoning still didn't bring any advantage;
Indeed he fancied, if he could forestall
Indeed he thought, if he could prevent
The youth who now he might his master call;
The young man who could now call him his master;
The trick would to his wisdom credit do,
The trick would be to his wise credit.
And show, superior wiles he could pursue.
And show, he could use better strategies.
AWAY the husband hastened to the place;
AWAY the husband rushed to the location;
In full belief, that, hiding well his face,
In total confidence, that, keeping his face well hidden,
And favoured by the darkness of the spot,
And helped by the darkness of the place,
The silence marked, and myst'ry of the plot,
The silence marked the mystery of the plot.
He, undiscovered, safely might be led,
He, unnoticed, could easily be guided,
Where such delicious fruits were ready spread.
Where such tasty fruits were laid out.
MISFORTUNE, howsoe'er, would so direct
MISFORTUNE, however, would so direct
The aged female nothing to neglect,
The old woman should not be overlooked,
Had with her got a lantern to conduct,
Had with her a lantern to guide,
The light from which at will she could obstruct,
The light that she could block whenever she wanted,
And, far more cunning than our learned sage,
And, way more clever than our knowledgeable expert,
Perceived at once with whom she had t'engage;
Perceived at once with whom she had to engage;
But, marking no surprise, she bade him wait,
But, not surprisingly, she told him to wait,
While she, his coming, to her dame should state.
While she should inform her lady about his arrival.
Said she, unless I tell her first you're here,
Said she, unless I let her know you're here first,
I dare not let you in her room appear.
I can't let you go into her room.
Besides, you have not got the right attire;
Besides, you don't have the right outfit;
Undressed, in truth, is what she would desire.
Undressed, honestly, is what she would want.
My lady, you must know, is gone to bed:—
My lady, you should know, has gone to bed:—
Then, thrusting in a dressing room his head,
Then, sticking his head into the dressing room,
He there beheld the necessary fare,
He then saw the food he needed,
Of night-cap, slippers, shirt, and combs for hair,
Of nightcap, slippers, shirt, and hair combs,
With perfumes too, in Rome the nicest known,
With perfumes as well, in Rome the finest known,
And fit for highest cardinals to own.
And suitable for the highest cardinals to have.
His clothes the learned doctor laid aside;
His clothes, the knowledgeable doctor set aside;
The aged female came his steps to guide;
The old woman came to guide him.
Through passages she led him by the hand,
Through corridors, she guided him by the hand,
Where all was dark, and many turnings planned;
Where everything was dark, and many paths were laid out;
At once bewildered, and deprived of sight,
At the same time confused and blind,
The lawyer tottered much for want of light.
The lawyer stumbled around a lot because there wasn't enough light.
At length she ope'd a door, and pushed the sage,
At last, she opened a door and pushed the wise man,
Where most unpleasantly he must engage,
Where he most unpleasantly has to get involved,
Though doubtless ev'ry way his proper place:—
Though he undoubtedly belongs in every way:—
The school where he was used the LAWS to trace!
The school where he was utilized the LAWS to track!
O'ercome with shame, confusion, and surprise,
Overcome with shame, confusion, and surprise,
He nearly fainted, vain 'twere to disguise.
He almost passed out; it would be pointless to hide it.
THE circumstances ran throughout the town;
THE circumstances spread throughout the town;
Each student then was waiting in his gown;
Each student was then waiting in their gown;
Enough, no doubt, his fortunes to destroy;
Enough, no doubt, to ruin his fortunes;
The laugh went round, and all was jest and joy.
The laughter spread, and everything was fun and happiness.
What, is he mad? said they, or would he seek
What, is he crazy? they said, or does he want
Some lass, and with her wish to have a freak?
Some girl, and with her desire to have a wild experience?
Still worse arrived:—his beauteous spouse complained;
Still worse came:—his beautiful wife complained;
A trial followed, and distractions reigned;
A trial took place, and distractions filled the air;
Her relatives supported well the cause,
Her relatives strongly supported the cause,
And represented, that the MAN of LAWS,
And said that the LAWYER,
Occasioned jars and matrimonial strife;
Occasional jars and marriage issues;
That he was mad, and she, a prudent wife,
That he was crazy, and she, a sensible wife,
The marriage was annulled, and she withdrew:
The marriage was annulled, and she stepped back:
Retirement now the lady would pursue,
Retirement is what the lady would now seek,
In Vavoureuse a prelate blessed the dame,
In Vavoureuse, a priest blessed the lady,
And, at Saint Croissant, she a nun became.
And at Saint Croissant, she became a nun.
THE DEVIL IN HELL
Original
HE surely must be wrong who loving fears;
He must be mistaken who fears what he loves;
And does not flee when beauty first appears.
And doesn’t run away when beauty first shows up.
Ye FAIR, with charms divine, I know your fame;
Ye FAIR, with divine charms, I know your reputation;
No more I'll burn my fingers in the flame.
No more will I burn my fingers in the fire.
From you a soft sensation seems to rise,
From you, a gentle feeling seems to emerge,
And, to the heart, advances through the eyes;
And, to the heart, it goes through the eyes;
What there it causes I've no need to tell:
What causes it, I don't need to say:
Some die of love, or languish in the spell.
Some die of love, or suffer in its grip.
Far better surely mortals here might do;
Far better, surely, mortals here could do;
There's no occasion dangers to pursue.
There's no occasion for dangers to pursue.
By way of proof a charmer I will bring,
By way of proof, I will bring a charmer,
Whose beauty to a hermit gave the sting:
Whose beauty gave a hermit a sharp pain:
Thence, save the sin, which fully I except;
Thence, except for the sin, which I completely reject;
A very pleasant intercourse was kept;
A nice conversation continued;
Except the sin, again I must repeat,
Except for the sin, again I have to say,
My sentiments on this will never meet
My feelings about this will never align.
The taste of him at Rome, who wine had swilled,
The taste of him in Rome, who had downed wine,
Till, to the throat, he thoroughly was filled,
Till, right up to his throat, he was completely full,
And then exclaimed, is't not a sin to drink?
And then exclaimed, isn't it a sin to drink?
Such conduct horrid ever I shall think;
Such behavior is truly awful, I will always think.
I wish to prove, e'en saints in fear should live;
I want to show that even saints should live in fear;
The truth is clear:—our faults may Heav'n forgive;
The truth is clear: our mistakes may Heaven forgive;
If dread of punishment, from pow'rs divine,
If fear of punishment from divine powers,
Had led this friar in the proper line,
Had guided this friar in the right direction,
He never had the charming girl retained,
He never kept the charming girl.
Who, young and artless, would your heart have gained.
Who, young and innocent, would have won your heart.
HER name was Alibech, if I recollect;
HER name was Alibech, if I remember correctly;
Too innocent, deceptions to detect.
Too naive, can't see lies.
One day this lovely maiden having read,
One day, this beautiful young woman, having read,
How certain pious, holy saints were led,
How some devout, holy saints were guided,
The better to observe religious care,
The better to observe religious care,
To seek retirement in some lorn repair,
To find a quiet place to settle down,
Where they, like Heav'nly Angels, moved around,
Where they, like heavenly angels, moved around,
Some here, some there, were in concealment found,
Some were hidden here, some were hidden there,
Was quite delighted, strange as it may seem,
Was quite pleased, odd as it may sound,
And presently she formed the frantick scheme,
And soon she came up with the frantic plan,
Of imitating those her mind revered,
Of copying those she looked up to,
And to her plan most rigidly adhered.
And she stuck to her plan very strictly.
WITH silent steps the innocent withdrew;
WITH silent steps the innocent withdrew;
To mothers, sisters,—none she bade adieu.
To mothers and sisters—she didn’t say goodbye to any of them.
Long time she walked through fields, and plain, and dale;
Long time she walked through fields, plains, and valleys;
At length she gained a wood within a vale;
At last, she reached a forest in a valley;
There met an aged man, who once might be,
There met an old man, who once could be,
Gay, airy, pleasing, blithe, gallant, and free,
Gay, light-hearted, enjoyable, cheerful, bold, and free,
But now a meagre skeleton was seen
But now a thin skeleton was seen
The shadow only of what late he'd been:
The shadow of who he had been not long ago:
Said she, good father, I have much desire
Said she, good father, I really want
To be a saint: thither my hopes aspire;
To be a saint: there my hopes aim;
I fain would merit reverence and prayer,
I would gladly earn respect and prayers,
A festival have kept with anxious care;
A festival has been kept with anxious care;
What pleasure, ev'ry year, the palm in hand,
What pleasure, every year, the palm in hand,
And, beaming round the head, a holy band,
And a holy halo shining around the head,
Nice presents, flow'rs, and off'rings to receive
Nice gifts, flowers, and offerings to receive
Your practice difficult must I believe?
Your practice must be difficult, I believe?
Already I can fast for many days,
Already I can go without food for many days,
And soon should learn to follow all your ways.
And soon you should learn to follow all your ways.
Go, said the aged man, your plan resign;
Go, said the old man, give up your plan;
I'd have you, as a friend, the state decline;
I'd have you, as a friend, the state decline;
'Tis not so easy sanctity to meet,
'Tis not so easy to find holiness,
That fasting should suffice the boon to greet.
That fasting should be enough to receive the blessing.
Heav'n guards from ill the maids and wives who fast,
Heaven protects the maidens and wives who fast,
Or holiness would very seldom last.
Or holiness would rarely endure.
'Tis requisite to practise other things;
'Tis requisite to practice other things;
These secrets are, which move by hidden springs;
These secrets are powered by hidden forces;
A hermit, whom you'll find beneath yon' beech,
A hermit, who you’ll find under that beech tree,
Can, better far than I, their virtues teach;
Can teach their virtues much better than I;
Go, seek him, pray, make haste if you are sage;
Go, look for him, pray, hurry up if you're wise;
I ne'er retain such birds within my cage.
I never keep such birds in my cage.
This having said, at once he left the belle,
This said, he immediately left the beautiful woman,
And wisely shut the door, and barred his cell:
And wisely shut the door and locked his cell:
Not trusting hair-cloth, fasting, age, nor gout;
Not trusting in hair cloth, fasting, age, or gout;
With beauty, anchorites themselves should doubt.
With beauty, even hermits should have their doubts.
OUR pensive fair soon found the person meant,
OUR thoughtful lady soon identified the person in question,
A man whose soul was on religion bent;
A man whose soul was focused on religion;
His name was Rustick, young and warm in prayer;
His name was Rustick, young and passionate in prayer;
Such youthful hermits of deception share.
These young deceivers share.
Her holy wish, the girl to him expressed,
Her sacred wish, the girl shared with him,
A wish most fervent doubtless to be blessed,
A wish most eagerly hoping to be blessed,
And felt so strongly, Alibech had fear,
And felt so strongly, Alibech was scared,
Some day the mark might on her fruit appear.
Some day the mark might show on her fruit.
A SMILE her innocence from Rustick drew;
A SMILE of her innocence came from Rustick;
Said he, in me you little learning view;
Said he, in me you see little learning;
But what I've got, I'll readily divide,
But what I have, I'll gladly share,
And nothing from your senses try to hide.
And don’t try to hide anything from your senses.
THE hermit surely would have acted right;
THE hermit definitely would have acted correctly;
Such pupil to have sent away at sight.
Such a student should have been sent away immediately.
He managed otherwise, as we shall state;
He handled it differently, as we will explain;
The consequences, let us now relate.
Let's discuss the consequences now.
SINCE much he wished perfection to pursue;
SINCE he wanted to pursue perfection so much;
He, to himself, exclaimed: what can'st thou do?
He said to himself, "What can you do?"
Watch, fast, and pray; wear hair-cloth too; but this
Watch, fast, and pray; wear sackcloth too; but this
Is surely little that will lead to bliss;
Is probably very little that will lead to happiness;
All do as much, but with a FAIR to dwell,
All do as much, but with a place to stay,
And, never touch her, would be to excel;
And, never touch her, would be to do even better;
'Twere triumph 'mong the Heav'nly Angels thought;
'Twas a triumph among the Heavenly Angels, they thought;
Let's merit it, and keep what here is brought;
Let's value it, and hold onto what is presented here;
If I resist a thing so sweet and kind,
If I resist something so sweet and nice,
I gain the end that pow'rs divine designed.
I achieve the goal that the divine powers intended.
HE with him let the charming belle remain;
He let the charming girl stay with him;
And confident he could at will abstain,
And confident he could choose to abstain whenever he wanted,
Both Satan and the flesh at once defied:
Both Satan and the flesh rebelled at the same time:
Two foes on mischief ready to decide.
Two opponents ready to cause trouble and make a choice.
BEHOLD our saints together in a hut;
BEHOLD our saints gathered together in a hut;
Young Rustick, where a corner seemed to jut;
Young Rustick, where a corner seemed to stick out;
A bed of rushes for the novice placed,
A bed of rushes for the beginner set,
Since sleeping on the floor had her debased,
Since sleeping on the floor had made her feel degraded,
Who, yet unused to hardships, much must feel:
Who, not accustomed to hardships, must feel a lot:
'Twas best that these should on her senses steal.
It was best that these should slip into her senses.
A little fruit, and bread not over fine,
A little fruit and some regular bread,
She had for supper:—water too for wine.
She had water instead of wine for supper.
The hermit fasted; but the lady fed,
The hermit went without food; but the lady ate,
And ate with appetite her fruit and bread.
And eagerly ate her fruit and bread.
APART their place of rest, the maiden slept,
APART from their place of rest, the girl slept,
But something quite awake the other kept:
But something definitely stirred the other kept:
The Devil could by no means quiet rest,
The Devil could never find peace,
Till he should get admitted as a guest.
Till he gets admitted as a guest.
He was received within the humble cell;
He was welcomed into the simple room;
The friar's thoughts were on his smiling belle,
The friar's thoughts were on his smiling beauty,
Her simple manners, fascinating grace,
Her casual manners, captivating grace,
Complexion, age; each feature he would trace;
Complexion, age; he would analyze every feature;
The heaving bosom, and the beauteous charms;
The rising chest and the beautiful features;
That made him wish to clasp her in his arms.
That made him want to hold her in his arms.
BY passion moved, he bade at once adieu,
BY passion moved, he said goodbye right away,
To hair-cloth, discipline, and fasting too;
To hair cloth, discipline, and fasting as well;
Cried he, my saints are these; to them I'll pray;
Cried he, my saints are these; to them I'll pray;
From Alibech no longer he would stay,
From Alibech he would no longer remain,
But to her flew, and roused the girl from sleep:
But to her came, and woke the girl from her sleep:
Said he, so soon you should not silence keep,
Said he, you should not keep quiet for long,
It is not right:—there's something to be done,
It’s not right; something needs to be done,
Ere we suspend the converse we've begun:
Before we pause the conversation we've started:
'Tis proper that, to please the pow'rs divine;
'Tis proper that, to please the divine powers;
We Satan instantly in Hell confine;
We immediately trap Satan in Hell;
He was created for no other end;
He was created for no other purpose;
To block him up let's ev'ry effort lend.
To stop him, let's give it our all.
IMMEDIATELY within the bed he slid,
IMMEDIATELY, he slid into the bed,
When, scarcely knowing what young Rustick did;
When, barely understanding what young Rustick was doing;
And, unaccustomed to the mystick scene,
And, not used to the mystical scene,
She knew not what the anchorite could mean,
She didn't know what the hermit could mean,
Nor this nor that but, partly by consent,
Nor this nor that but, partly by consent,
And partly force, yet wishing to prevent,
And partly by force, but still wanting to stop,
Though not presuming to resist his sway
Though not assuming to oppose his influence
To him 'mid pain and pleasure, she gave way,
To him, through both pain and pleasure, she surrendered,
Believing ev'ry thing was most exact,
Thinking everything was totally accurate,
And, what the saint performed, a gracious act,
And what the saint did was a kind act,
By thus the Devil shutting up in Hell,
By doing this, the Devil is locked up in Hell,
Where he was destined with his imps to dwell.
Where he was meant to live with his little demons.
HENCEFORTH 'twas requisite, if saint she'd be;
HENCEFORTH, it was necessary, if she wanted to be a saint;
From martyrdom she must not think to flee,
From martyrdom, she shouldn't think about escaping,
For friar Rustick little sought to please:
For Friar Rustick, pleasing others was not a priority:
The lesson was not given quite at ease,
The lesson wasn't delivered in a relaxed manner,
Which made the girl (not much improved in wit)
Which made the girl (not much smarter)
Exclaim, this Devil mischief will commit;
Exclaim, this devilish trickery will take place;
'Tis very plain, though strange it may appear
'It's very clear, though it might seem strange
To hurt his prison e'en he'll persevere;
To hurt his prison even, he'll keep going;
The injury now you clearly may perceive;
The injury, as you can see clearly now;
But, for the evil done, I shall not grieve:
But I won’t mourn for the wrong that’s been done:
Yet richly he deserves to be again
Yet he richly deserves to be recognized again.
Shut up effectually in his domain.
Shut away effectively in his space.
IT shall be so, the anchorite replied;
IT shall be so, the hermit replied;
Once more the mystick art was fully tried;
Once again, the mysterious art was fully tested;
Such care he took, such charity was shown,
Such care he took, such kindness was shown,
That Hell, by use, free with the Devil grown,
That Hell, through practice, has become familiar with the Devil,
His presence pleasant always would have found;
His presence would always have been pleasant.
Could Rustick equally have kept his ground.
Could Rustick have held his ground just as well?
CRIED Alibech, 'tis very truly said,
CRIED Alibech, "it's very true what they say,
No prison has so nice and soft a bed,
No prison has such a nice and soft bed,
But presently the host will weary grow;
But soon the host will get tired;
And here our pair soon discord seemed to show:
And here our couple soon started to show signs of disagreement:
Hell, for the prisoner, in vain inquired;
Hell, for the prisoner, asked in vain;
Deaf was the fiend, and quietly retired;
Deaf was the villain, and silently withdrew;
Repeated calls of course must irksome prove:
Repeated calls, of course, must be annoying:
The fair grew weary, when he would not move;
The fair got tired when he wouldn’t move;
Her strong desire to be a saint declined;
Her strong desire to be a saint faded;
And Rustick to get rid of her designed;
And Rustic planned to get rid of her;
In this with him the belle agreed so well,
In this, the beautiful woman agreed with him perfectly.
That secretly she left the hermit's cell,
That she secretly left the hermit's cell,
And home returned in haste the shortest way;
And hurried home the quickest route;
But what the fair could to her parents say,
But what could the fair say to her parents,
Is what I fain would know, though truly yet;
Is what I really want to know, though honestly still;
The full particulars I ne'er could get.
The full details I could never get.
'Tis probable she made them understand,
'Tis probable she made them understand,
Her heart was prompted by divine command;
Her heart was moved by a higher calling;
To try to be a saint; that they believed,
To attempt to be a saint; that they believed,
Or seemingly for truth the tale received.
Or so it seemed, the story was believed to be true.
Perhaps the parents were not quite exact,
Perhaps the parents weren't completely accurate,
In narrowly examining the fact;
In closely examining the fact;
Though some suspicions doubtless might arise
Though some suspicions might definitely come up
About her Hell, they could not well disguise;
About her Hell, they couldn't really hide;
But 'tis so formed that little can be seen,
But it’s shaped in such a way that not much can be seen,
And many jailors in it duped have been.
And many jailers have been tricked in it.
FOR Alibech great feasting was prepared,
FOR Alibech, a huge feast was prepared,
When, through simplicity, the girl declared,
When, being straightforward, the girl said,
To those around, without the least restraint,
To those nearby, without any hesitation,
How she had acted to be made a saint.
How she had behaved to become a saint.
You'd surely no occasion, they replied,
You definitely have no reason, they responded,
To go so far instruction to provide,
To go this far in providing instruction,
When at your house you might have had, with ease,
When at your place, you might have had, without any trouble,
Like secret lectures, just as you should please.
Like secret lectures, just as you should enjoy.
Said one, my brother could the thing have done;
Said one, my brother could have done it;
Another cried,—my cousin would have run
Another cried, —my cousin would have run
To do the same; or Neherbal, who's near,
To do the same; or Neherbal, who's close,
No novice in the business would appear;
No beginner in the business would show up;
He seeks your hand, which you'll be wise to take
He wants to marry you, and it would be smart to accept.
Before he learns—what might a diff'rence make.
Before he learns—what kind of difference could it make?
She took the hint, and he the fair received;
She got the message, and he received it well;
A handsome fortune many fears relieved;
A handsome fortune relieves many fears;
This joined to num'rous charms that had the belle;
This combined with numerous charms that made her the belle;
He fancied pure a most suspicious Hell,
He imagined a very suspicious Hell,
And freely used the blessings Hymen sends;
And happily enjoyed the gifts that love brings;
NEIGHBOUR PETER'S MARE
A CERTAIN pious rector (John his name),
A CERTAIN pious rector (John his name),
But little preached, except when vintage came;
But he hardly preached, except during harvest time;
And then no preparation he required
And then he needed no preparation.
On this he triumphed and was much admired.
On this, he succeeded and was highly admired.
Another point he handled very well,
Another point he addressed very effectively,
Though oft'ner he'd thereon have liked to dwell,
Though he would often have preferred to linger there,
And this the children of the present day,
And this is the children of today,
So fully know, there's naught for me to say:
So just know, there's nothing more for me to say:
John to the senses things so clearly brought,
John presents things to the senses so clearly.
That much by wives and husbands he was sought,
That much from wives and husbands he was wanted,
Who held his knowledge of superior price,
Who greatly valued his knowledge,
And paid attention to his sage advice.
And listened carefully to his wise advice.
Around, whatever conscience he might find,
Around, whatever conscience he might encounter,
To soft delights and easy ways inclined,
To be drawn to gentle pleasures and simple paths,
In person he would rigidly attend,
In person, he would strictly attend,
And seek to act the confessor and friend;
And try to be a confessor and a friend;
Not e'en his curate would he trust with these;
Not even his curate would he trust with these;
But zealously he tried to give them ease,
But he earnestly tried to make them comfortable,
And ev'ry where would due attention show,
And everywhere would show proper attention,
Observing that divines should always know
Observing that religious leaders should always know
Their flocks most thoroughly and visit round;
Their flocks are well cared for and they visit frequently;
To give instruction and the truth expound.
To provide guidance and explain the truth.
AMONG the folks, to whom he visits paid,
AMONG the people he meets,
Was neighbour Peter, one who used the spade;
Was neighbor Peter the one who used the spade?
A villager that God, in lieu of lands,
A villager that God, instead of giving land,
Had furnished only with a pair of hands,
Had furnished only with a pair of hands,
To dig and delve, and by the mattock gain
To dig in and work hard, and by using the shovel succeed
Enough his wife and children to maintain.
Enough for his wife and kids to get by.
Still youthful charms you in his spouse might trace;
Still youthful charms can be seen in his spouse;
The weather injured solely had her face,
The weather only harmed her face,
But not the features which were perfect yet:
But not the features that were perfect yet:
Some wish perhaps more blooming belles to get;
Some might wish to have more beautiful flowers to admire;
The rustick truly me would ne'er have pleased;
The rustic would never have truly pleased me;
But such are oft by country parsons seized,
But country preachers often get caught up in such things,
Who low amours and dishes coarse admire,
Who admires low love and plain meals,
That palates more refined would not desire.
That more refined tastes would not desire.
THE pastor John would often on her leer,
THE pastor John would often leer at her,
just as a cur, when store of bones are near,
just like a dog when there's a pile of bones nearby,
That would good pickings for his teeth afford,
That would provide good picks for his teeth,
Attentively behold the precious hoard,
Carefully look at the treasure,
And seem uneasy; move his feet and tail;
And look restless; shift his feet and tail;
Now prick his ears; then fear he can't prevail,
Now perk up his ears; then worry that he won't succeed,
The eyes still fixed upon the bite in sight,
The eyes still focused on the bite in front of them,
Which twenty times to these affords delight,
Which twenty times brings joy,
Ere to his longing jaws the boon arrives,
Ere his eager mouth gets the gift,
However anxiously the suitor strives.
However hard the suitor tries.
SELF-TORMENTS solely parson John obtained;
SELF-TORMENTS only parson John got;
By seeing her that o'er his senses reigned.
By seeing her, who ruled over his senses.
The village-wife was innocent of this,
The village wife didn't know anything about this,
And never dreamed of any thing amiss;
And never imagined anything was wrong;
The pastor's mystick looks, nor flatt'ring ways;
The pastor's mysterious looks, nor flattering ways;
Nor presents, aught in Magdalene could raise;
Nor presents, anything in Magdalene could lift;
But nosegays made of thyme, and marj'ram too,
But nosegays made of thyme and marjoram too,
Were dropt on ground, or never kept in view;
Were dropped on the ground, or never kept in sight;
A hundred little cares appeared as naught
A hundred little worries seemed insignificant.
'Twas Welch to her, and ne'er conveyed a thought.
'Twas Welch to her, and never shared a thought.
A pleasant stratagem he now contrived,
A clever plan he came up with,
From which, he hoped, success might be derived.
From which he hoped success could come.
MOST clearly Peter was a heavy lout,
MOST clearly Peter was a heavy lout,
Yet truly I could never have a doubt,
Yet I could never really doubt,
That rashly he would ne'er himself commit,
That foolishly he would never do himself,
Though folly 'twere from him to look for wit,
Though it would be foolish for him to expect intelligence,
Or aught expect by questioning to find
Or anything you expect to find by asking
'Yond this to reason, he was not designed.
Yond this to reason, he was not designed.
THE rector to him said, thou'rt poor, my friend,
THE rector said to him, "You're poor, my friend,"
And hast not half enough for food to spend,
And you don't even have enough money to buy food,
With other things that necessary prove,
With other things that are necessary to prove,
If we below with comfort wish to move.
If we want to move forward comfortably.
Some day I'll show thee how thou may'st procure
Some day I'll show you how you can get
The means that will thy happiness insure,
The ways that will ensure your happiness,
And make thee feel contented as a king.
And make you feel as content as a king.
To me what present for it wilt thou bring?
To me, what gift will you bring for it?
ZOOKS! Peter answered, parson, I desire,
ZOOKS! Peter replied, pastor, I ask,
You'll me direct to do as you require;
You'll direct me to do as you need;
My labour pray command; 'tis all I've got;
My work, please ask for it; it's all I've got;
Our pig howe'er to you we can allot,
Our pig however we can give to you,
We want it not; and truly it has eat
We don’t want it; and honestly, it has consumed
More bran than thrice this vessel would complete;
More bran than three times this vessel would hold;
The cow you'll take besides, from which my wife
The cow you'll take along with you, from which my wife
A calf expects, to raise the means of life.
A calf expects, to secure the necessities of life.
No, no, the pastor with a smile replied,
No, no, the pastor said with a smile,
A recompense for this thou'lt not provide;
A reward for this you won't give;
My neighbour to oblige is all I heed;
My neighbor is all I pay attention to;
And now I'll tell thee how thou must proceed;
And now I’ll tell you how you should proceed;
Thy spouse, by magick, I'll transform each day,
Your partner, through magic, I’ll change every day,
And turn her to a mare for cart or dray,
And turn her into a horse for a cart or truck,
And then again restore her ev'ry night,
And then restore her every night,
To human form to give thy heart delight.
To take on human form to bring joy to your heart.
From this to thee great profit will arise;
From this, you will gain great benefit;
Thy ass, so slow is found, that when supplies,
Thy ass is so slow that when supplies,
It carries to the market, 'tis so late,
It carries to the market, it's so late,
The hour is almost past ere at the gate,
The hour is almost past at the gate,
And then thy cabbages, and herbs, and roots,
And then your cabbages, herbs, and roots,
Provisions, provender, and wares and fruits,
Provisions, food, and goods and fruits,
Remain unsold, and home to spoil are brought,
Remain unsold, and the things that decay are brought,
Since rarely far from thence such things are sought.
Since things like that are rarely looked for far away from there.
But when thy wife's a mare, she'll faster go:
But when your wife is a mare, she’ll move faster:
Strong, active, ev'ry way her worth she'll show,
Strong and active, she'll demonstrate her worth in every possible way.
And home will come without expense in meat:
And home will come without spending any money on meat:
No soup nor bread, but solely herbs she'll eat:
No soup or bread, just herbs she'll eat:
SAID Peter, parson, clearly you are wise;
SAID Peter, the pastor, clearly you are knowledgeable;
From learning, what advantages arise!
What advantages come from learning!
Is this pray sold?—If I'd much money got,
Is this prayer for sale?—If I had a lot of money,
To make the purchase I'd the cash allot.
To make the purchase, I have the cash available.
CONTINUED John:—now I will thee instruct,
CONTINUED John:—now I will teach you,
The proper manner, matters to conduct,
The right way, things to do,
For thee to have a clever mare by day,
For you to have a smart mare during the day,
And still at night a charming wife survey;
And still at night a lovely wife looks around;
Face, legs, and ev'ry thing shall reappear;
Face, legs, and everything will come back;
Come, see it done, and I'll perform it here;
Come, watch it happen, and I'll do it right here;
Thou'lt then the method fully comprehend;
You'll then completely understand the method;
But hold thy tongue, or all will quickly end:
But keep quiet, or it will all be over soon:
A single word the magick would dispel,
A single word would break the magic,
And, during life, no more with us 'twould dwell.
And, during life, it would no longer stay with us.
Keep close thy mouth and merely ope' thy eyes:
Keep your mouth shut and just open your eyes:
A glimpse alone to learn it will suffice;
A quick look is all it takes to understand it;
This o'er, thyself shall practise it the same,
This done, you should practice it the same way.
And all will follow as when first it came.
And everyone will follow just like when it first happened.
THE husband promised he would hold his tongue;
THE husband promised he would keep quiet;
And John disliked deferring matters long.
And John didn't like putting things off for too long.
Come, Magdalene, said he, you will undress;
Come, Magdalene, he said, you should get undressed;
To quit those Sunday-clothes, you'll acquiesce,
To get rid of those Sunday clothes, you'll agree,
And put yourself in Nature's pure array
And immerse yourself in Nature's natural beauty.
Well, well, proceed; with stays and sleeves away;
Well, well, go ahead; with stays and sleeves off;
That's better still; now petticoats lay by;
That's even better; now the petticoats are put away;
How nicely with my orders you comply.
How well you follow my instructions.
WHEN Magdalene was to the linen come,
WHEN Magdalene was to the linen come,
Some marks of shame around her senses swum;
Some feelings of shame swirled around her senses;
A wife to live and die was her desire,
A wife to live and die as she wished was her desire,
Much rather than be seen in Eve's attire;
Much rather than be seen in Eve's outfit;
She vowed that, spite of what the priest disclosed;
She promised that, despite what the priest revealed;
She never would consent to be exposed.
She would never agree to be put on display.
Original
SAID Peter, pretty work, upon my truth:—
Peter said, nice job, honestly:—
Not let us see how you are made forsooth!
Not let us see how you are really made!
What silly scruples!—Are they in your creed?
What silly concerns!—Are they part of your beliefs?
You were not always led such scenes to heed:
You weren't always shown scenes like this to pay attention to:
Pray how d'ye manage when for fleas you seek?
Pray how do you manage when you're looking for fleas?
'Tis strange, good sir, that she should be so weak;
'Tis strange, good sir, that she should be so weak;
What can you fear?—'tis folly time to waste;
What can you be afraid of?—it's a waste of time to be foolish;
He will not eat you: come, I say, make haste:
He won't eat you: come on, I say, hurry up:
Have done with haggling; had you acted right,
Have finished haggling; if you had done the right thing,
Ere now the parson all had finished quite.
Ere now the parson had completely finished.
ON saying this, her garment off he took;
ON saying this, he took off her garment;
Put on his spectacles to overlook;
Put on his glasses to watch over;
And parson John, without delay, began;
And Pastor John, without wasting any time, started;
Said he (as o'er her person now he ran),
Said he (as he went over her body now),
This part umbilical will make the mare
This part of the umbilical will make the mare
A noble breast, and strength at once declare:
A noble heart and strength both make it clear:
Then further on the pastor placed his hand,
Then later, the pastor put his hand,
While, with the other, (as a magick wand,)
While, with the other, (like a magic wand,)
He set about transforming mounts of snow;
He started working on transforming piles of snow;
That in our climes a genial warmth bestow,
That in our regions a friendly warmth provides,
And semi-globes are called, while those that rise
And semi-globes are called, while those that rise
In t'other hemisphere, of larger size,
In the other hemisphere, which is larger,
Are seldom mentioned, through respect no doubt,
Are rarely mentioned, probably out of respect,
But these howe'er the parson, quite devout,
But these, however, the priest, very devoted,
Would not neglect, and whatsoe'er he felt,
Would not neglect, and whatever he felt,
He always named, and on its beauties dwelt;
He always named it and focused on its beauty;
The ceremony this, it seems, required,
The ceremony this, it seems, required,
And fully ev'ry movement John admired.
And John admired every movement completely.
PROCEEDINGS so minute gave Peter pain,
PROCEEDINGS so small gave Peter pain,
And as he could not see the rector gain
And since he couldn't see the rector again
The slightest change, he prayed the pow'rs divine,
The slightest change, he prayed to the divine powers,
To give assistance to the priest's design;
To help with the priest's plan;
But this was vain, since all the magick spell,
But this was pointless, since all the magic spell,
In metamorphosing the lady well,
In transforming the lady well,
Depended on the fixing of the tail;
Relied on fixing the tail;
Without this ornament the whole would fail.
Without this decoration, everything would fall apart.
To set it on the parson hastened now,
To set it on the minister, he hurried now,
When Neighbour Peter 'gan to knit his brow,
When Neighbor Peter started to frown,
And bawled so loud, you might have heard him far:
And shouted so loud, you might have heard him from far away:
No tail, said he, I'll have: there'll be a scar;
No tail, he said, I won't have: there'll be a scar;
You put it on too low; but vain his cries,
You put it on too low; but his cries were useless,
The husband's diligence would not suffice,
The husband's hard work wouldn't be enough,
For, spite of ev'ry effort, much was done,
For, despite every effort, a lot was accomplished,
And John completely his career had run,
And John had completely finished his career,
If Peter had not pulled the rector's gown,
If Peter hadn't tugged on the rector's robe,
Who hastily replied, thou ninny, clown;
Who quickly responded, you fool, clown;
Did I not tell thee silence to observe,
Did I not tell you to keep silent,
And not a footstep from thy station swerve?
And not move a step from your position?
The whole is spoiled, insufferable elf!
The whole thing is ruined, unbearable elf!
And for it thou hast got to thank thyself.
And for that, you have to thank yourself.
Original
THE husband, while the holy pastor spoke,
THE husband, while the holy pastor spoke,
Appeared to grumble and his stars invoke.
Appeared to complain and call upon his stars.
The wife was in a rage, and 'gan to scold:
The wife was furious and started to yell:
Said she to Peter, wretch that I behold!
“Look at you, Peter, what a miserable person I see!”
Thou'lt be through life a prey to pain and grief,
You'll go through life being a target for pain and sadness,
Come not to me and bray and hope relief,
Come to me not to complain and expect help,
The worthy pastor would have us procured
The worthy pastor would have us get
The means that might much comfort have ensured.
The resources that could have provided a lot of comfort.
Can he deserve such treatment to receive?
Can he really deserve to be treated like that?
Good Mister John this goose I now would leave,
Good Mr. John, I’m leaving this goose now,
And ev'ry morning, while he gathers fruits,
And every morning, while he picks fruits,
Or plants, herbs, cabbages, and various roots,
Or plants, herbs, cabbages, and different roots,
Without averting him, pray, here repair,
Without looking away, please come here,
You'll soon transform me to a charming mare.
You'll soon turn me into a lovely mare.
No mare, replied the husband, I desire;
No, my dear, I don’t want that, replied the husband;
An ass for me is all that I require.
An donkey is all I need.
THE SPECTACLES
Original
I LATELY vowed to leave the nuns alone,
I recently promised to leave the nuns alone,
So oft their freaks have in my page been shown.
So often their antics have been displayed in my writing.
The subject may at length fatigue the mind;
The topic can eventually wear the mind out;
My Muse the veil howe'er is still inclined,
My Muse, the veil, is still inclined,
Conspicuously to hold to publick view,
Conspicuously to hold to public view,
And, 'mong the sisters, scene and scene pursue.
And among the sisters, scene after scene unfolds.
Is this too much?—the nicest tricks they play;
Is this too much?—the sweetest tricks they pull;
Through soft amours oft artfully they stray,
Through gentle loves, they often wander skillfully,
And these in full I'd readily detail,
And I would gladly share all the details of these.
If I were sure the subject would not fail;
If I were confident that the topic would succeed;
And that's impossible I must admit,
And I have to admit, that’s impossible.
'Twould endless be, the tales appear so fit;
'Twill be endless, the stories seem so right;
There's not a clerk so expeditious found,
There's not a clerk as fast to be found,
Who could record the stories known around.
Who could capture the stories known around?
The sisters to forget, were I to try,
The sisters to forget, were I to try,
Suspicions might arise that, by and by,
Suspicions may come up that, eventually,
I should return: some case might tempt my pen;
I should go back: some situation might inspire me to write;
So oft I've overrun the convent-den,
So often I've gone past the convent den,
Like one who always makes, from time to time,
Like someone who always creates, occasionally,
The conversation with his feelings chime.
The conversation with his feelings resonates.
But let us to an end the subject bring,
But let's wrap up the topic.
And after this, of other matters sing.
And after this, sing about other things.
IN former times was introduced a lad
IN former times was introduced a lad
Among the nuns, and like a maiden clad;
Among the nuns, and like a young woman dressed;
A charming girl by all he was believed;
A charming girl, so everyone believed;
Fifteen his age; no doubts were then conceived;
Fifteen years old; there were no doubts at that time;
Coletta was the name the youth had brought,
Coletta was the name the young person had brought,
And, till he got a beard, was sister thought.
And, until he grew a beard, that was what his sister thought.
THE period howsoe'er was well employed,
THE period, however, was well spent,
And from it Agnes profit had enjoyed;
And Agnes had benefited from it;
What profit?—truly better had I said,
What profit?—I meant to say,
That sister Agnes by him was misled,
That sister Agnes was misled by him,
And store of ills received; misfortune dire
And a lot of troubles faced; serious misfortune
Obliged the nun more girdle to require,
Obliged the nun to need another girdle,
And ultimately to produce (in spite
And ultimately to produce (even though
Of ev'ry wish to guard the fact from light)
Of every wish to keep the truth hidden from view)
A little creature that our hist'ries say,
A little creature that our histories say,
Was found Coletta's features to display.
Was found Coletta's features to display.
GREAT scandal quickly through the convent ran:
GREAT scandal quickly spread through the convent:
How could this child arrive?—the sisters 'gan
How could this child arrive?—the sisters began
To laugh and ask, if in an evil hour,
To laugh and question, if at a bad time,
The mushroom could have fallen with a show'r?
The mushroom could have fallen with a shower?
Or self-created was it not supposed?
Or was it not supposed to be self-created?
Much rage the abbess presently disclosed;
The abbess showed a lot of anger.
To have her holy mansion thus disgraced!
To see her sacred home treated like this!
Forthwith the culprit was in prison placed.
Right away, the culprit was put in prison.
THE father to discover next they tried;
THE father to discover next they tried;
How could he enter, pass, escape, or hide;
How could he get in, get through, get away, or stay hidden?
The walls were high; the grate was double too;
The walls were tall; the grate was also double;
Quite small the turning-box appeared to view,
Quite small, the turning box looked.
And she who managed it was very old:—
And the woman in charge was very old:—
Perhaps some youthful spark has been so bold,
Perhaps some young spark has been so daring,
Cried she who was superior to the rest,
Cried she who was better than the others,
To get admitted, like a maiden dressed,
To get admitted, like a young woman dressed,
And 'mong our flock (if rightly I surmise)
And among our group (if I'm guessing correctly)
A wicked wolf is lurking in disguise.
A wicked wolf is hiding in disguise.
Undress, I say, I'll verify the fact;
Undress, I say, I'll check the fact;
No other way remains for me to act.
No other option is left for me to take.
THE lad disguised was terrified to death;
THE kid in disguise was scared to death;
Each plan was dissipated with a breath;
Each plan vanished with a single breath;
The more he thought of means from thence to get,
The more he thought about ways to get out of there,
The greater were the obstacles he met.
The bigger the obstacles he faced.
At length NECESSITY (the parent found
At last, NECESSITY (the parent found
Of stratagems and wiles, so much renowned,)
Of strategies and tricks, so well-known,
Induced the youth . . . (I scarcely can proceed)
Induced the youth . . . (I can hardly continue)
To tie . . . expression here I clearly need;
To express . . . what I need here clearly;
What word will decently express the thought?
What word will appropriately express the thought?
What book has got it?—where should it be sought?
What book has it? — where should we look for it?
You've heard, in days of yore that human kind,
You've heard, back in the day that humanity,
With windows in their bosoms were designed,
With windows in their chests were designed,
Through which 'twas easy all within to see,
Through which it was easy to see everything inside,
And suited those of medical degree.
And suited those with a medical degree.
BUT if these windows useful were believed;
BUT if these windows were thought to be useful;
'Twas inconvenient in the heart perceived,
'Twas inconvenient in the heart felt,
And women thoroughly disliked the scheme:—
And women really disliked the plan:—
They could not find the means to hide a dream.
They couldn't figure out how to hide a dream.
Dame Nature howsoe'er contrived a plan:—
Dame Nature however devised a plan:—
One lace she gave the woman, one the man,
One lace she gave to the woman, and one to the man,
Of equal length, and each enough no doubt,
Of equal length, and each definitely enough,
By proper care to shut the ope throughout.
By properly taking care to keep the opening closed at all times.
The woman much too thick her eyelets placed;
The woman placed her eyelets way too thick;
And consequently, ne'er was closely laced;
And as a result, it was never tightly laced;
The fault was all her own: herself the cause;
The fault was entirely hers: she was the reason;
The man as little merited applause,
The man deserved very little praise,
For coarsely working, soon the hole was shut,
For rough work, the hole was quickly closed up,
From which the remnant lace was left to jut;
From which the leftover lace was left to stick out;
In fact, on either side, whate'er was done,
In fact, on either side, whatever was done,
The laces never equally would run,
The laces never ran straight,
And we are told, both sexes acted wrong:
And we’re told that both genders behaved wrongly:
The woman's was too short; the man's too long.
The woman's was too short; the man's too long.
FROM this 'tis easy, it should seem to guess:
FROM this, it seems easy to guess:
What by the youth was tied in this distress
What the young people were caught up in during this struggle
The end of lace that by the men was left,
The end of lace that the men left,
When nature ordered them to close the cleft:
When nature commanded them to close the gap:
With thread he fastened it so very well,
With thread, he secured it really well,
That all was flat as any nun or belle;
That was as flat as any nun or beauty;
But thread or silk, you cannot find a string
But whether it's thread or silk, you can't find a string.
To hold, what soon I fear will give a spring,
To hold what I worry will soon spring.
And get away, in spite of all you do;
And escape, no matter what you do;
Bring saints or angels such a scene to view,
Bring saints or angels to witness such a scene,
As twenty nuns in similar array,
As twenty nuns dressed in the same way,
Strange creatures I should think them:—merely clay,
Strange creatures, I would think of them as:—just clay,
If they should at the sight unmoved remain;
If they should stay unmoved at the sight;
I speak of nuns, howe'er, whose charms maintain
I’m talking about nuns, though, whose charms stay strong
Superior rank, and like the Graces seem,
Superior rank, and like the Graces appear,
Delightful sisters! ev'ry way supreme.
Delightful sisters! All-around amazing.
THE prioress, this secret to disclose,
THE prioress, this secret to reveal,
Appeared with spectacles upon her nose;
Appeared with glasses on her nose;
And twenty nuns around a dress displayed;
And twenty nuns gathered around a dress on display;
That convent mantua-makers never made,
That convent seamstresses never made,
Imagine to yourself what felt the youth,
Imagine what the young person felt,
'Mid this examination of the truth.
Mid this examination of the truth.
The nice proportions and the lily charms
The nice proportions and the lily charms
Soon raised within his bosom dire alarms;
Soon, he felt a deep sense of dread rising within him;
Like magick operated on the string,
Like magic working on the string,
And from it, what was tied, soon gave a spring;
And from it, what was tied, soon sprang free;
Broke loose at once, just like a mettled steed,
Broke loose right away, just like a spirited horse,
That, having slipt its halter, flies with speed;
That, having slipped its harness, flies quickly;
Against the abbess' nose with force it flew,
Against the abbess's nose it crashed with force,
And spectacles from her proboscis threw.
And glasses fell from her nose.
THOUGH she had nearly fallen on the floor,
THOUGH she had almost fallen on the floor,
In thus attempting secrets to explore,
In trying to reveal secrets,
No jest she thought the accident, 'twas plain,
No joke she thought the accident, it was clear,
But would with force the discipline maintain.
But would force maintain the discipline.
A chapter instantly the lady held;
A chapter immediately the lady held;
Long time upon the circumstance they dwelled.
Long time on the situation they lived.
The youthful wolf that caused the direful shock;
The young wolf that caused the terrible shock;
At length was given to the aged flock,
At last, the elderly flock was given
Who tied his hands and bound him to a tree
Who tied his hands and tied him to a tree
Face 'gainst the wood, that none his front might see;
Face against the wood, so that no one could see his face;
And while the cruel troop, with rage inflamed,
And while the brutal group, fired up with anger,
Considered of rewards that vengeance framed;
Considered as rewards that revenge created;
While some the besoms from the kitchen brought;
While some of the brooms from the kitchen were brought;
And others, in the convent ars'nal sought
And others, in the convent arsenal sought
The various instruments the sisters used
The different tools the sisters used
To punish when obedience was refused;
To punish when someone refused to obey;
Another double-locked, within a room.
Another double-locked, inside a room.
The nuns of tender hearts and youthful bloom:—
The nuns with kind hearts and youthful spirit:—
By chance, a friend to sly gallants appeared,
By chance, a friend to crafty guys showed up,
And soon removed, what most our hero feared:
And soon got rid of what our hero feared the most:
A miller mounted on his mule came by,
A miller riding his mule passed by,
A tight-built active lad with piercing eye;
A lean, energetic guy with intense eyes;
One much admired by all the girls around;
One who is greatly admired by all the girls around;
Played well at kayles:—a good companion found.
Played well at bowling:—a good friend discovered.
Aha! cried he, what's here?—a nice affair;
Aha! he exclaimed, what's this?—a nice situation;
Young man, pray tell me who has placed thee there?
Young man, please tell me who put you there?
The sisters, say'st thou?—hast thou had thy fun,
The sisters, you say?—have you had your fun,
And pleased thy fancy with a wanton nun?
And did you satisfy your desires with a seductive nun?
Art satisfied?—and was she pretty too?
Art satisfied?—and was she cute too?
In truth, to judge by what appears to view,
In reality, to judge by what can be seen,
Thou seemest thoroughly a wily wight,
You seem to be quite a cunning person,
That convent belles would relish morn and night.
That convent girls would enjoy day and night.
ALAS! replied the other with a sigh,
ALAS! replied the other with a sigh,
In vain the nuns my virtue sought to try;
In vain the nuns tried to test my virtue;
'Twas my misfortune:—patience heav'n bestow;
It was my misfortune:—patience heaven grant;
For worlds such wickedness I would not know.
For worlds with such wickedness, I would rather not know.
THE miller laughed at what the other spoke;
THE miller laughed at what the other said;
Untied his hands, and ev'ry bandage broke.
Untied his hands, and every bandage fell apart.
Said he, thou ninny, scruples can'st thou find
Said he, you fool, can you find any doubts?
To counteract, and prove to pleasure blind?
To push back and show that pleasure is blinding?
The business clearly should to me belong;
The business clearly should belong to me;
Our rector ne'er had thought such conduct wrong,
Our rector never thought such behavior was wrong,
And never would have played the fool like this;
And I would have never acted like this fool;
Fly, haste away, away; I'll thee dismiss,
Fly, hurry up and go; I’ll let you leave,
First having nicely set me in thy place;
First, having nicely placed me in your spot;
Like me thou wert not formed for soft embrace;
Like me, you weren't made for gentle hugs;
I'm stout and able:—quarter ne'er will ask;
I'm strong and capable:—a quarter will never ask;
Come ALL, these nuns, I'll execute the task,
Come everyone, these nuns, I'll take on the task,
And many pranks they'll see, unless a freak
And they'll see a lot of pranks, unless something unusual happens.
Should happen any way the string to break.
Should anything happen, the string will break.
The other never asked his wishes twice,
The other never asked him what he wanted more than once,
But tied him well, and left him in a trice.
But tied him up securely and left quickly.
WITH shoulders broad the miller you might see;
WITH broad shoulders, you might see the miller;
In Adam's birth-attire against the tree,
In Adam's birth outfit by the tree,
Await the coming of the aged band,
Await the arrival of the old group,
Who soon appeared, with tapers in the hand,
Who soon appeared, holding candles,
In solemn guise, and whips and scourges dire:
In a serious manner, with whips and harsh punishments:
The virgin troop (as convent laws require)
The virgin group (as convent rules state)
In full procession moved around the Wight;
In full procession moved around the Isle of Wight;
Without allowing time to catch his sight,
Without letting time catch his eye,
Or giving notice what they meant to do:
Or letting people know what they planned to do:
How now! cried he:—why won't you take a view?
How now! he cried:—why won’t you take a look?
Deceived you are; regard me well I pray;
Deceived you are; I ask you to look at me closely;
I'm not the silly fool you had to-day,
I'm not the silly fool you had today,
Who woman hates, and scruples seeks to raise:
Who a woman hates, and tries to raise doubts:
Employ but me, and soon I'll gain your praise;
Employ me, and soon I’ll earn your praise;
I'll wonders execute; my strength appears;
I'll perform wonders; my strength shows;
And; if I fail, at once cut off my ears.
And if I fail, just cut off my ears right away.
At certain pleasant play I'm clever found;
At certain enjoyable games, I seem to shine.
But as to whips—I never was renowned.
But when it comes to whips—I was never known for that.
WHAT means the fellow? cried a toothless nun;
WHAT does that guy mean? shouted a toothless nun;
What would he tell us? Hast thou nothing done?
What would he tell us? Haven't you done anything?
How!—Art thou not our brat-begetter?—speak;
How!—Are you not our kid's parent?—speak;
So much the worse:—on thee our rage we'll wreak,
So much the worse:—we'll take out our anger on you,
For him that's gone we'll make thee suffer now;
For the one who’s gone, we’ll make you suffer now;
Once arms in hand, we never will allow
Once we have our weapons, we will never allow
Such characters full punishment to miss;
Such characters deserve to be punished fully.
The play that we desire is THIS and THIS;
The play we want is THIS and THIS;
Then whips and scourges round him 'gan to move,
Then whips and scourges began to move around him,
And not a little troublesome to prove
And it’s quite a hassle to prove
The miller, writhing with the poignant smart,
The miller, twisting in painful discomfort,
Cried loudly:—I'll exert my utmost art,
Cried out loudly:—I'll use all my skills,
Good ladies, to perform what is your due;
Good ladies, to do what you deserve;
The more he bawled, the faster lashes flew.
The more he cried, the faster the lashes came down.
This work so well the aged troop achieved,
This work was done so well by the aged group,
He long remembered what his skin received.
He always remembered what his skin felt.
WHILE thus the master chastisement had got;
WHILE the master was being punished;
His mule was feeding on the verdant spot.
His mule was eating in the green area.
But what became of this or that, at last,
But what happened to this or that, in the end,
I've never heard, and care not how it past.
I've never heard about it, and I don't care how it happened.
'Tis quite enough to save the young gallant,
'Tis quite enough to save the young gallant,
And more particulars we do not want.
And we don’t need any more details.
My readers, for a time, could they obtain
My readers, if for a while, could they get
A dozen nuns like these, where beauties reign,
A dozen nuns like these, where beauties reign,
Would doubtless not be seen without their dress!
Would definitely not be seen without their outfit!
We do not always ev'ry wish express.
We don't always express every wish.
THE BUCKING-TUB
IF once in love, you'll soon invention find
IF you fall in love, you'll quickly discover creativity
And not to cunning tricks and freaks be blind;
And don't be blind to clever tricks and oddities;
The youngest 'prentice, when he feels the dart,
The youngest apprentice, when he feels the sting,
Grows wondrous shrewd, and studies wily art.
Grows incredibly clever and learns crafty skills.
This passion never, we perceive, remains
This passion never, we see, lasts
In want from paucity of scheming brains.
In need due to a lack of creative thinkers.
The god of hearts so well exerts his force,
The god of hearts skillfully uses his power,
That he receives his dues as things of course.
That he gets what he deserves as a matter of course.
A bucking-tub, of which a tale is told,
A bucking-tub, about which a story is told,
Will prove the case, and this I'll now unfold;
Will make the case clear, and I’ll explain it now;
Particulars I heard some days ago,
Particulars I heard a few days ago,
From one who seemed each circumstance to know.
From someone who appeared to understand every situation.
WITHIN a country town, no matter where,
WITHIN a small town, no matter where,
Its appellation nothing would declare,
Its name would reveal nothing,
A cooper and his wife, whose name was Nan,
A barrel maker and his wife, whose name was Nan,
Kept house, and through some difficulties ran.
Kept house and managed to get through some tough times.
Though scanty were their means, LOVE thither flew;
Though their resources were limited, LOVE flew there;
And with him brought a friend to take a view;
And he brought a friend to take a look;
'Twas Cuckoldom accompanied the boy,
Cuckoldry accompanied the boy,
Two gods most intimate, who like to toy,
Two close gods, who love to play,
And, never ceremonious, seek to please
And, without being formal, try to make others happy
Go where they will, still equally at ease;
Go wherever they go, still just as comfortable;
'Tis all for them good lodging, fare, or bed;
'Tis all for them good lodging, food, or bed;
And, hut or palace, pleasantly they tread.
And whether it's a hut or a palace, they walk along happily.
IT happened then, a spark this fair caressed,
IT happened then, a spark this lovely touched,
And, when he hoped most fully to be blessed,
And when he hoped the most to be blessed,
When all was ready to complete the scene,
When everything was set to finish the scene,
And on a point:—if naught should intervene
And just a point:—if nothing should get in the way
Not NAMED howe'er will quite enough suffice,
Not named however will quite enough suffice,
When suddenly the husband, by surprise,
When suddenly the husband, by surprise,
Returned from drinking at an ale-house near,
Returned from drinking at a nearby pub,
just when, just when:—the rest is pretty clear.
just when, just when:—the rest is pretty clear.
THEY curst his coming; trouble o'er them spread;
THEY cursed his arrival; trouble enveloped them;
Naught could be done but hide the lover's head;
Nothin' could be done except hide the lover's head;
Beneath a bucking-tub, in utmost haste,
Beneath a bucking tub, in a hurry,
Within the court, our gay gallant was placed.
Within the court, our charming guy was positioned.
Original
THE husband, as he entered, loudly cried,
THE husband, as he entered, shouted,
I've sold our bucking-tub. The wife replied,
I've sold our bucking tub. The wife replied,
What price, I pray?—Three crowns rejoined the man;
What price, I ask?—Three crowns, the man replied;
Then thou'rt a silly ass, said mistress Nan;
Then you're a silly fool, said Mistress Nan;
To-day, by my address, I've gained a crown,
To day, by my speech, I've earned a crown,
And sold the same for twenty shillings down:
And sold it for twenty shillings upfront:
My bargain luckily the first was made;
My deal was thankfully the first that was made;
The buyer, (who of flaws is much afraid)
The buyer, (who is very afraid of flaws)
Examines now if ev'ry part is tight;
Examines now if every part is tight;
He's in the tub to see if all be right.
He's in the tub to see if everything is okay.
What, blockhead, would'st thou do without thy wife?
What, idiot, would you do without your wife?
Thou huntest taverns while she works for life;
You go bar hopping while she works hard to make a living;
But necessary 'tis for her to act,
But it’s necessary for her to act,
When thou art out, or naught would be exact.
When you are out, or nothing would be precise.
No pleasure ever yet received have I;
No pleasure have I ever received;
But take my word, to get it now I'll try.
But trust me, I’ll give it a shot to get it now.
Gallants are plenty; husbands should have wives;
Gallants are everywhere; husbands need wives;
That, like themselves, lead gay or sober lives.
That, like them, lead joyous or serious lives.
I PRYTHEE softly, wife, the husband said;
I beg you gently, wife, the husband said;
Come, come, sir, leave the tub, there's naught to dread;
Come on, sir, leave the tub, there's nothing to be afraid of;
When you are out, I'll ev'ry quarter scrape,
When you're out, I'll save up every quarter,
Then try if water from it can escape;
Then check if water can escape from it;
I'll warrant it to be as good as nice,
I'll guarantee it's as good as nice,
And nothing can be better worth the price.
And nothing is worth more than the price.
OUT came the lover; in the husband went;
OUT came the lover; in the husband went;
Scraped here and there, and tried if any vent;
Scraped here and there, and checked if any outlet;
With candle in his hand looked round and round,
With a candle in his hand, he looked around and around,
Not dreaming once that LOVE without was found.
Not once dreaming that love was found outside.
But nothing he could see of what was done;
But he couldn't see anything that had been done;
And while the cooper sought to overrun
And while the barrel maker tried to take control
The various parts, and by the tub was hid,
The different parts, and by the tub was hidden,
The gods already noticed thither slid;
The gods already noticed it moving there;
A job was by the deities proposed,
A job was offered by the gods,
That highly pleased the couple when disclosed;
That made the couple very happy when it was revealed;
A very diff'rent work from what within
A very different work from what is inside
The husband had, who scraped with horrid din,
The husband was making a terrible noise as he scraped,
And rubbed, and scrubbed, and beat so very well,
And rubbed, and scrubbed, and beat really well,
Fresh courage took our gay gallant and belle;
Fresh courage inspired our charming hero and heroine;
They now resumed the thread so sadly lost,
They now picked up the thread that had been so sadly lost,
When, by the cooper's coming, all was crossed.
When the cooper arrived, everything was disrupted.
THE reader won't require to know the rest;
THE reader won't need to know the rest;
What passed perhaps may easily be guessed.
What happened can probably be easily guessed.
'Tis quite enough, my thesis I have proved;
'Tis quite enough, I've proved my thesis;
The artful trick our pair with raptures moved.
The clever trick our couple thrilled with.
Nor one nor t'other was a 'prentice new;
Nor one nor the other was a new apprentice;
A lover be:—and wiles you'll soon pursue.
A lover you should be:—and soon you’ll chase after their charms.
THE IMPOSSIBLE THING
Original
A DEMON, blacker in his skin than heart,
A DEMON, darker in his skin than in his heart,
So great a charm was prompted to impart;
So much charm was prompted to share;
To one in love, that he the lady gained,
To someone in love, that he won the lady,
And full possession in the end obtained:
And full possession was finally achieved:
The bargain was, the lover should enjoy
The deal was that the lover should have fun
The belle he wished, and who had proved so coy.
The beauty he desired, who had been so very shy.
Said Satan, soon I'll make her lend an ear,
Said Satan, soon I’ll get her to listen,
In ev'ry thing more complaisant appear;
In all things, be more agreeable;
But then, instead of what thou might'st expect,
But then, instead of what you might expect,
To be obedient and let me direct,
To be obedient and let me lead,
The devil, having thus obliged a friend,
The devil, having thereby done a favor for a friend,
He'll thy commands obey, thou may'st depend,
He'll obey your commands, you can count on that,
The very moment; and within the hour
The exact moment; and within the hour
Thy humble servant, who has got such pow'r,
Thy humble servant, who has got such power,
Will ask for others, which at once thou'lt find;
Will ask for others, which you'll find right away;
Make no delay, for if thou art so blind,
Make no delay, for if you are so blind,
Thou comprehend'st, thy body and thy soul
You understand, your body and your soul
The lovely fair no longer shall control,
The beautiful fairy will no longer have control,
But Satan then upon them both shall seize,
But Satan will then take hold of both of them,
And with them do-whatever he may please:
And with them, he can do whatever he wants:
'Gainst this the spark had not a word to say;
'Against this the spark had nothing to say;
'Twas pleasing to command, though not obey.
It was satisfying to give orders, but not to follow them.
HE sallied forth the beauteous belle to seek,
He set out to find the beautiful girl,
And found her as he wished:—complying-meek;
And found her just as he wanted:—obedient and submissive;
Indulged in blisses, and most happy proved,
Indulged in pleasures, and showed the greatest happiness,
Save that the devil always round him moved.
Save that the devil always moved around him.
Whatever rose within the whirl of thought
Whatever rose within the swirl of thoughts
He now commanded:—quickly it was brought;
He now ordered:—it was quickly brought;
And when he ordered palaces to rise,
And when he commanded that palaces be built,
Or raging tempests to pervade the skies,
Or violent storms to fill the skies,
The devil instantly obeyed his will,
The devil immediately followed his commands,
And what he asked was done with wondrous skill.
And what he requested was done with amazing skill.
Original
LARGE sums his purse received;—the devil went
LARGE sums his wallet received;—the devil went
just where commanded, and to Rome was sent,
just where it was commanded, and was sent to Rome,
From whence his highness store of pardons got;
From where his highness got his supply of pardons;
No journey long, though distant was the spot,
No journey is too long, even if the place is far away,
But ev'ry thing with magick ease arose,
But everything with magical ease came up,
And all was soon accomplished that he chose.
And everything he wanted was soon done.
So oft the spark was asked for orders new,
So often the spark was asked for new orders,
Which he was bound to give the fiend at view,
Which he was required to show the devil,
That soon his head most thoroughly was drained,
That soon his head was completely emptied,
And to the fair our lover much complained,
And our lover complained a lot to the beautiful one,
Declared the truth, and ev'ry thing detailed,
Declared the truth, and everything explained,
How he was lost, if in commands he failed.
How he got lost, if he failed in his orders.
IS'T this, said she, that makes thee so forlorn?
IS'T this, she said, that makes you so sad?
Mere nothing!-quickly I'll remove the thorn;
Mere nothing! I'll quickly take out the thorn;
When Satan comes, present his highness this,
When Satan arrives, present this to his majesty,
Which I have here, and say:—You will not miss
Which I have here, and say:—You won’t miss
To make it flat, and not its curl retain
To make it flat, and not keep its curl
On which she gave him, what with little pain
On which she gave him, what with little pain
She drew from covert of the Cyprian grove,
She emerged from the hidden part of the Cyprian grove,
The fairy labyrinth where pleasures rove,
The fairy maze where delights wander,
Which formerly a duke so precious thought;
Which a duke once valued so highly;
To raise a knightly order thence he sought,
To establish a knightly order from there, he sought,
Illustrious institution, noble plan,
Prestigious institution, noble plan,
More filled with gods and demi-gods than man.
More filled with gods and demigods than with humans.
THE lover to the crafty devil said:—
THE lover to the sly devil said:—
'Tis crooked this, you see, and I am led
'Tis crooked this, you see, and I am led
To wish it otherwise; go, make it straight;
To want it to be different; go, fix it;
A perfect line: no turn, nor twist, nor plait.
A straight line: no bends, no curves, no knots.
Away to work, be quick, fly, hasten, run;
Away to work, be quick, hurry, rush;
The demon fancied it could soon be done;
The demon thought it could finish up soon;
No time he lost, but set it in the press,
No time was wasted; he put it in the press,
And tried to manage it with great success;
And pulled it off successfully;
The massy hammer, kept beneath the deep,
The heavy hammer, stored deep down,
Made no impression: he as well might sleep;
Made no impression: he might as well be sleeping;
Howe'er he beat: whatever charm he used:—
However he beat: whatever charm he used:—
'Twas still the same; obedience it refused.
It was still the same; it refused to obey.
His time and labour constantly were lost;
His time and effort were constantly wasted;
Vain proved each effort: mystick skill was crossed;
Vain proved each effort: mystical skill was thwarted;
The wind, or rain, or fog, or frost, or snow,
The wind, rain, fog, frost, or snow,
Had no effect: still circular 'twould go.
Had no effect: it would still go in circles.
The more he tried, the ringlet less inclined
The more he tried, the less the ringlet inclined.
To drop the curvature so closely twined.
To eliminate the curvature so closely entwined.
How's this? said Satan, never have I seen
How's this? said Satan, I've never seen
Such stubborn stuff wherever I have been;
Such stubborn material wherever I've been;
The shades below no demon can produce,
The shadows below that no demon can create,
That could divine what here would prove of use:
That could figure out what would be useful here:
'Twould puzzle hell to break the curling spring,
'It would puzzle hell to break the curling spring,
And make a line direct of such a thing.
And make a straight line of something like that.
ONE morn the devil to the other went:
ONE morn the devil said to the other:
Said he, to give thee up I'll be content;
Said he, I'll be okay with letting you go;
If solely thou wilt openly declare
If you will only declare openly
What 'tis I hold, for truly I despair;
What I hold is truly despairing;
I'm victus I confess, and can't succeed:
I'm defeated, I admit, and I can't succeed:
No doubt the thing's impossible decreed.
No doubt the thing is impossible to accomplish.
FRIEND Satan, said the lover, you are wrong;
FRIEND Satan, the lover said, you're mistaken;
Despondency should not to you belong,
Despondency doesn’t belong to you,
At least so soon:—what you desire to know
At least not so soon:—what you want to know
Is not the only one that's found to grow;
Isn't the only one that seems to grow;
Still many more companions it has got,
Still, it has many more companions.
And others could be taken from the spot.
And others could be taken from the location.
THE PICTURE
Original
SOLICITED I've been to give a tale,
SOLICITED I've got a story to share,
In which (though true, decorum must prevail),
In which (although it's true, we must follow proper etiquette),
The subject from a picture shall arise,
The subject from a picture will emerge,
That by a curtain's kept from vulgar eyes.
That is hidden from common eyes by a curtain.
My brain must furnish various features new:
My brain must provide various new features:
What's delicate and smart produce to view;
What's delicate and clever produce to look at;
By this expressed, and not by t'other said:
By this stated, and not by the other mentioned:
And all so clear, most easy to be read,
And everything is so clear, really easy to read,
By ev'ry fool, without the aid of notes,
By every fool, without the help of notes,
That idiot's bad indeed who never quotes.
That person is really foolish if they never quote others.
CATULLUS tells us, ev'ry matron sage
CATULLUS tells us, every wise matron
Will peep most willingly (whate'er her age),
Will look most eagerly (no matter her age),
At that gigantick gift, which Juno made,
At that huge gift that Juno gave,
To Venus' fruit, in gardens oft displayed.
To Venus' fruit, often shown in gardens.
If any belle recede, and shun the sight,
If any beauty steps back and avoids the view,
Dissimulation she supposes right.
She thinks dissimulation is right.
THIS principle allowed, why scruples make?
THIS principle allowed, why create scruples?
Why, less than eyes, should ears a license take?
Why, less than eyes, should ears need a license?
But since 'tis so resolved I'll do my best,
But since it's settled, I'll do my best,
And naught in open terms shall be expressed:
And nothing will be said openly:
A veil shall over ev'ry charm be cast,
A veil will cover every charm,
Of gauze indeed, and this from first to last,
Of gauze indeed, and this from beginning to end,
So nicely done, that howsoever tost,
So well done, that no matter how it's tossed,
To none I trust will any thing be lost.
To no one, I trust, will anything be lost.
Who nicely thinks, and speaks with graceful ease;
Who thinks clearly and talks with effortless grace;
Can current make just whatsoe'er he please;
Can current make whatever he wants;
For all will pass, as I have often known:
For everything will pass, as I have often realized:
The word well chosen, pardon soon is shown,
The word well chosen, forgiveness comes quickly.
The sex o'erlook the thing no more the same,
The situation is no longer the same.
The thought remains, but 'tis without a name;
The thought stays, but it's without a name;
No blush is raised; no difficulty found;
No blush appears; no difficulty arises;
Yet ev'ry body understands around.
Yet everybody understands around.
AT present, much I need this useful art:
AT present, I really need this useful skill:
Why? you will ask; because, when I impart
Why? you might ask; because, when I share
Such wondrous circumstances, ev'ry belle,
Such amazing circumstances, every girl,
Without reserve, will con them over well.
Without hesitation, will manipulate them effectively.
To this I answer: female ears are chaste,
To this I say: women's ears are pure,
Though roguish are their eyes, as well as taste.
Though their eyes and taste are quite mischievous.
BE that as 'twill, I certainly should like,
BE that as it may, I definitely would like,
With freedom to explain, by terms oblique,
With the freedom to explain in indirect terms,
To belles, how this was broken:—that was down:
To beauties, how this was shattered:—that was over:
Assist me pray, ye NINE of high renown;
Assist me, I pray, you NINE of great renown;
But you are maids, and strangers, we agree,
But you are servants and outsiders, we agree,
To LOVE'S soft scenes, not knowing A from B.
To love's gentle moments, not knowing A from B.
Remain then, Muses, never stir an inch,
Remain then, Muses, don't move an inch,
But beg the god of verse, when at a pinch,
But ask the god of poetry, when in a tough spot,
To help me out and kind assistance lend,
To help me out and offer kind assistance,
To choose expressions which will not offend,
To choose words that won't offend,
Lest I some silly things should chance to say,
Before I say something dumb,
That might displeasure raise, and spoil my lay.
That might raise displeasure and ruin my song.
Enough, howe'er, we've on the subject said:
Enough, however, we've said on the subject:
'Tis time we t'wards the painting should be led,
'Tis time we should head towards the painting,
Which an adventure you will find contains,
Which an adventure you will find contains,
That happened once in Cupid's famed domains.
That happened once in Cupid's well-known territory.
IN former days, just by Cythera town
IN former days, right by the town of Cythera
A monastery was, of some renown,
A monastery was quite well-known,
With nuns the queens of beauty filled the place,
With nuns, the queens of beauty filled the space,
And gay gallants you easily might trace.
And you could easily spot the flashy young men.
The courtier, citizen, and parson too,
The courtier, citizen, and priest too,
The doctor and the bachelor you'd view,
The doctor and the bachelor you'd see,
With eager steps:—all visits thither made;
With eager steps:—all visits there made;
And 'mong the latter, one (a pleasing blade)
And among the latter, one (a charming guy)
Had free access: was thought a prudent friend,
Had free access: was considered a cautious friend,
Who might to sisters many comforts lend;
Who might lend many comforts to sisters;
Was always closely shaved and nicely dressed;
Was always neatly groomed and well-dressed;
And ev'ry thing he said was well expressed;
And everything he said was well expressed;
The breath of scandal, howsoever pat,
The hint of scandal, no matter how cleverly put,
Ne'er lighted on his neat cravat nor hat.
Ne'er lighted on his neat tie nor hat.
TWO nuns alternatively, from the youth;
TWO nuns taking turns, from their youth;
Experienced many services, in truth;
Used many services, honestly;
The one had recently a novice been;
The one had recently been a novice;
Few months had passed since she complete was seen;
Few months had passed since she was last seen;
The other still the dress of novice wore;
The other still wore the dress of a novice;
The youngest's age was seventeen years, not more
The youngest was seventeen years old, no more.
Time doubtless very proper (to be plain)
Time is definitely very appropriate (to be straightforward)
Love's wily thesis fully to sustain:
Love's clever argument fully to support:
The bachelor so well the fair had taught,
The bachelor taught the fair so well,
And they so earnestly the science sought,
And they pursued the science so passionately,
That by experience both the art had learned,
That by experience both the art had learned,
And ev'ry thing most perfectly discerned.
And everything was fully understood.
THESE sisters eagerly had made one day
THESE sisters eagerly had made one day
An assignation with the lover gay;
A date with the boyfriend.
To have the entertainment quite complete,
To fully enjoy the fun,
They'd Bacchus, Ceres too, who Venus greet:
They'd greet Bacchus, Ceres, and Venus too:
With perfect neatness all the meats were served,
With perfect neatness, all the meats were served,
And naught from grace and elegancy swerved;
And nothing strayed from grace and elegance;
The wines, the custards, jellies, creams, and ice:
The wines, the custards, jellies, creams, and ice:
The decorations, ev'ry thing was nice;
The decorations and everything were nice;
What pleasing objects and delights were viewed!
What amazing sights and pleasures were seen!
The room with sweetest flow'rs fair Flora strewed;
The room where beautiful flowers were scattered by fair Flora;
A sort of garden o'er the linen traced
A kind of garden over the fabric outlined
Here lakes of love:—there names entwined were placed;
Here lakes of love:—their names were intertwined and placed;
Magnificence like this the nuns admired,
Magnificence like this the nuns admired,
And such amusements ardently desired.
And such entertainment eagerly wanted.
Their beauty too incited to be free;
Their beauty also inspired a longing to be free;
A thousand matters filled their souls with glee;
A thousand things filled their hearts with joy;
In height the belles were pretty much the same
In height, the beauties were pretty much the same.
Like alabaster fair; of perfect frame;
Like smooth alabaster; perfectly shaped;
In num'rous corners Cupid nestling lay:
In many corners, Cupid was resting:
Beneath a stomacher he'd slyly play,
Beneath a corset he'd secretly play,
A veil or scapulary, this or that,
A veil or scapular, this or that,
Where least the eye of day perceived he sat,
Where the eye of day could see him the least, he sat,
Unless a lover called to mystick bow'rs,
Unless a lover called to mystical groves,
Where he might hearts entwine with chains of flow'rs;
Where he might bind hearts together with chains of flowers;
A thousand times a day the urchin flew,
A thousand times a day, the kid flew,
With open arms the sisters to pursue;
With open arms the sisters to pursue;
Their charms were such in ev'ry air and look,
Their charms were evident in every glance and expression,
Both (one by one) he for his mother took.
Both (one by one) he took for his mother.
WITH anxious looks, the ladies thus prepared,
WITH anxious looks, the ladies prepared,
Expected him who all their kindness shared;
Expected him who shared all their kindness;
Now they bestowed abuse; next fondly praised:
Now they insulted; then they praised affectionately:
Then of his conduct dark suspicions raised,
Then dark suspicions about his behavior were raised,
Conceived, a new amour him kept away:
Conceived, a new love kept him away:
What can it be, said one, that makes him stay?
What could it be, one person said, that keeps him here?
Of honour an affair.—love—sickness—what?
Of honor an affair.—love—sickness—what?
Said t'other whether it be this or that,
Said the other whether it's this or that,
If here again his face he ever show,
If he ever shows his face here again,
A pretty trick in turn we'll let him know.
A nice little trick, and then we'll let him know.
WHILE thus the couple sought their plot to frame,
WHILE the couple was looking for their place to settle down,
A convent porter with a burden came,
A convent porter arrived with a load,
For her who kept the stores of ev'ry kind,
For her who kept all kinds of supplies,
Depositary of the whole designed.
Depository of the entire design.
'Twas merely a pretence, as I am told:
'Twas just an act, or so I've been told:
The things were not required for young or old;
The things weren’t needed for anyone, whether young or old;
But she much appetite had got in truth,
But she really had a strong appetite,
Which made her have recourse to such a youth,
Which led her to seek out that young man,
Who was regarded, in repasts like these,
Who was seen, in meals like these,
A first rate cook that all prepared at ease.
A top-notch cook who was always well-prepared.
THIS awkward, heavy lout mistook the cell;
THIS awkward, heavy idiot mistook the cell;
By chance upon our ladies' room he fell,
By chance, he stumbled upon the ladies' room,
And knocked with weighty hands: they ope'd the door.
And knocked firmly: they opened the door.
And gave abuse, but soon their anger o'er,
And shouted insults, but soon their anger passed,
The nuns conceived a treasure they had found,
The nuns imagined a treasure they had discovered,
And, laughing heartily, no longer frowned,
And, laughing loudly, no longer looked worried,
But both exclaimed at once: let's take this fool;
But both shouted at the same time: let's take this idiot;
Of him we easily can make a tool;
Of him, we can easily make a tool;
As well as t'other, don't you think he'll do?
As well as the other one, don’t you think he’ll be fine?
The eldest added:—let's our whim pursue;
The oldest one added, "Let's follow our whim."
'Tis well determined;—What were we to get,
'Tis well determined;—What are we to get,
That here we waited, and are waiting yet?
That we waited here, and are still waiting?
Fine words and phrases; nothing of the kind;
Fine words and phrases; nothing like that;
This wight 's as good, for what we have a mind,
This person is just as good for what we intend.
As any bachelor or doctor wise
As any wise bachelor or doctor
At all events, for present, he'll suffice.
At the moment, he'll do just fine.
SHE rightly judged; his height, form, simple air,
SHE rightly assessed; his height, build, casual demeanor,
And ev'ry act, so clearly void of care,
And every action, so clearly carefree,
Raised expectation; this was AEsop's man,
Raised expectation; this was Aesop's man,
He never thought: 'twas all without a plan;
He never thought it was all without a plan;
Both ate and drank, and, had he been at will,
Both ate and drank, and, if he had wanted to,
Would matters far have pushed, though void of skill.
Would things have gone better, even without skill.
FAMILIAR grown, the fellow ready seemed,
FAMILIAR grown, the guy seemed ready,
To execute whate'er was proper deemed;
To carry out whatever was considered appropriate;
To serve the convent he was porter made,
To serve the convent, he was made the porter,
And in their wishes nuns of course obeyed.
And of course, the nuns followed their wishes.
'TIS here begins the subject we've in view,
'Tis here that we begin the subject we have in mind,
The scene that faithfully our painter drew;
The scene that our painter accurately captured;
Apollo, give me aid, assistance lend,
Apollo, please help me, lend me your support,
Enable me, I pray, to comprehend,
Please help me understand,
Why this mean stupid rustick sat at ease,
Why this mean, stupid country guy sat there comfortably,
And left the sisters (Claudia, formed to please,
And left the sisters (Claudia, meant to please,
And lovely fair Theresa) all the care?
And beautiful fair Theresa, is that all the care?
Had he not better done to give a chair?
Hadn't he better have gotten a chair?
Original
I THINK I hear the god of verse reply:
I THINK I hear the god of poetry respond:
Not quite so fast my friend, you may rely,
Not so fast, my friend, you can count on it,
These matters never can the probe endure;
These issues can never withstand scrutiny;
I understand you; Cupid, to be sure,
I get you; Cupid, for sure,
Is doubtless found a very roguish boy,
Is undoubtedly a very mischievous boy,
Who, though he please at times, will oft annoy;
Who, even if he pleases sometimes, will often annoy;
I'm wrong a wicked whelp like this to take,
I'm wrong to take in a wicked little brat like this,
And, master of the ceremonies make.
And, master of the ceremonies make.
NO sooner in a house the urchin gets,
NO sooner in a house the kid gets,
But rules and laws he at defiance sets;
But he disregards the rules and laws;
The place of reason whim at once assumes,
The role of reason quickly becomes a whim,
Breaks ev'ry obstacle, frets, rages, fumes.
Breaks every obstacle, worries, rants, seethes.
With scenes like these will Cupid oft surprise,
With scenes like these, Cupid will often catch you off guard,
And frantick passion sparkle in his eyes.
And frantic passion sparkles in his eyes.
SOON on the floor was seen this boorish wight;
SOON on the floor was seen this rude guy;
For, whether that the chair was rather slight,
For, whether the chair was a bit fragile,
Or that the composition of the clown
Or that the makeup of the clown
Was not, like that of geese, of softest down,
Was not, like that of geese, made of softest down,
Or that Theresa, by her gay discourse,
Or that Theresa, with her lively conversation,
Had penetrated to the mystick source,
Reached the magical source,
The am'rous pulpit suddenly gave way,
The romantic pulpit suddenly fell,
And on the ground the rustick quickly lay.
And on the ground the farmer quickly lay.
The first attempt had clearly bad success,
The first attempt was clearly unsuccessful,
And fair Theresa suffered you may guess.
And you can imagine how much fair Theresa suffered.
YE censors keep from hence your eyes prophane;
Ye censors, keep your unholy eyes away from here;
See, honest hearts, how Claudia tried amain,
See, honest hearts, how hard Claudia tried,
To take advantage of the dire mishap,
To make the most of the unfortunate situation,
And all she could, with eagerness entrap;
And all she could, with enthusiasm trap;
For in the fall Theresa lost her hold;
For in the fall, Theresa lost her grip;
The other pushed her:—further off she rolled;
The other pushed her, and she rolled away farther.
And then, what she had quitted Claudia seized;
And then, what she had left behind, Claudia took.
Theresa, like a demon quite displeased,
Theresa, like a seriously unhappy demon,
Endeavoured to recover what she'd lost:—
Endeavored to regain what she'd lost:—
Again to take her seat, but she was crossed.
Again to take her seat, but she was annoyed.
The sister in possession ne'er inclined
The sister in possession never inclined
To cede a post so pleasant to her mind;
To give up a position so enjoyable to her thoughts;
Theresa raised her hand to give a stroke;
Theresa raised her hand to give a pat;
And what of that?—if any thing provoke
And what about that?—if anything sets off
When thus engaged, unheeded it remains
When engaged like this, it goes unnoticed.
Small ills are soon forgot where pleasure reigns.
Small troubles are quickly forgotten when pleasure takes over.
Original
IN spite of rage apparent in the face;
IN spite of the rage visible on the face;
Of her who in the scuffle lost her place,
Of the one who lost her spot in the struggle,
The other followed up the road she took;
The other followed the road she took;
His course the rustick also ne'er forsook.
His path, the rustic never abandoned.
Theresa scolded; anger marked her eyes;
Theresa yelled; anger was evident in her eyes;
In Venus' games contentions oft arise;
In Venus's games, conflicts often come up;
Their violence no parallel has seen:—
Their violence has seen no equal:—
In proof, remember Menelaus' queen.
In proof, remember Menelaus' wife.
Though here to take a part Bellona 's found,
Though here to take a part, Bellona's found,
Of cuirasses I see but few around;
Of armor, I see very few around;
When Venus closes with the god of Thrace,
When Venus meets up with the god of Thrace,
Her armour then appears with ev'ry grace.
Her armor then appears with every grace.
The FAIR will understand: enough is said;
The FAIR will understand: that’s enough said;
When beauty's goddess is to combat led,
When the goddess of beauty is called to battle,
Her body-cuirass shows superior charms;
Her body armor shows superior charms;
The Cyclops rarely forge such pleasing arms.
The Cyclops hardly ever make such impressive weapons.
Had Vulcan graven on Achilles' shield
Had Vulcan engraved on Achilles' shield
The picture we've described, more praise 'twould yield.
The picture we've described would get even more praise.
THE nun's adventure I in verse have told,
THE nun's adventure I have told in verse,
But not in colours, like the action, bold;
But not in colors, like the action, bold;
And as the story in the picture fails,
And as the story in the picture fails,
The latter seems to lose in my details.
The latter seems to fall short in my details.
The pen and brush express not quite the same;
The pen and brush don’t express exactly the same thing;
Eyes are not ears, however we may aim.
Eyes are not ears, no matter how much we try.
ENTANGLED in the net, I long have left
ENTANGLED in the net, I have long since left
The fair Theresa, of her throne bereft;
The lovely Theresa, stripped of her throne;
Howe'er, this sister had her turn we find,
Howe'er, this sister had her turn we find,
So much to please, the porter was inclined,
So much to please, the porter was eager,
That both were satisfied, and felt content;
That they were both satisfied and felt content;
Here ends our tale, and truly I lament,
Here ends our story, and I genuinely feel sorry,
That not a word about the feast is said,
That no one mentions the feast,
Though I've no doubt, they freely drank and fed;
Though I'm sure they drank and ate without hesitation;
And this for reasons easily conceived:
And this is for reasons that are easy to understand:
The interlude gave rest that much relieved.
The break provided a much-needed relief.
In fine, 'twas well throughout, except, in truth,
In short, it was good overall, except, honestly,
The hour of meeting settled with the youth,
The time for the meeting was set with the young man,
Which much embarrasses I will avow,
Which I will admit embarrasses me a lot,
For if he never came and made his bow,
For if he never showed up and introduced himself,
The sisters had the means, when they might please,
The sisters had the resources, whenever they wanted,
Completely to console themselves at ease;
Completely to comfort themselves without worry;
And if the spark appeared, the belles could hide
And if the spark showed up, the beautiful ones could hide.
Both clown and chair, or any thing beside
Both the clown and the chair, or anything else nearby.
The lover what he wanted soon possessed,
The lover quickly got what he wanted,
And was as usual treated with the best.
And was, as always, treated to the best.
THE PACK-SADDLE
Original
A FAMOUS painter, jealous of his wife;
A famous painter, envious of his wife;
Whose charms he valued more than fame or life,
Whose charms he valued more than fame or life,
When going on a journey used his art,
When going on a journey, he used his skills.
To paint an ASS upon a certain part,
To paint an ass on a certain part,
(Umbilical, 'tis said) and like a seal:
(Umbilical, it's said) and like a seal:
Impressive token, nothing thence to steal.
Impressive token, nothing here to take.
A BROTHER brush, enamoured of the dame;
A BROTHER brush, in love with the woman;
Now took advantage, and declared his flame:
Now he took the opportunity and confessed his feelings:
The Ass effaced, but God knows how 'twas done;
The donkey disappeared, but only God knows how it happened;
Another soon howe'er he had begun,
Another soon however he had begun,
And finished well, upon the very spot;
And finished strong, right at that spot;
In painting, few more praises ever got;
In painting, few praises have ever been greater;
But want of recollection made him place
But his lack of memory made him put
A saddle, where before he none could trace.
A saddle, where before he couldn't be found.
THE husband, when returned, desired to look
THE husband, when he returned, wanted to look
At what he drew, when leave he lately took.
At what he drew when he recently left.
Yes, see my dear, the wily wife replied,
Yes, look, my dear, the clever wife replied,
The Ass is witness, faithful I abide.
The donkey is my witness, and I remain loyal.
Zounds! said the painter, when he got a sight,—
Zounds! said the painter when he caught sight of it,—
What!—you'd persuade me ev'ry thing is right?
What!—you think you can convince me that everything is fine?
I wish the witness you display so well,
I wish the witness you show so clearly,
And him who saddled it, were both in Hell.
And the person who saddled it were both in Hell.
THE EAR-MAKER AND
THE MOULD-MENDER
Original
WHEN William went from home (a trader styled):
WHEN William left home (a merchant by trade):
Six months his better half he left with child,
Six months later, he left his partner who was expecting a baby,
A simple, comely, modest, youthful dame,
A simple, pretty, modest, young woman,
Whose name was Alice; from Champaign she came.
Whose name was Alice; she came from Champaign.
Her neighbour Andrew visits now would pay;
Her neighbor Andrew visits now would pay;
With what intention, needless 'tis to say:
With what intention, it goes without saying:
A master who but rarely spread his net,
A master who rarely cast his net,
But, first or last, with full success he met;
But, whether first or last, he achieved complete success;
And cunning was the bird that 'scaped his snare;
And the clever bird that escaped his trap;
Without surrendering a feather there.
Without giving up anything there.
QUITE raw was Alice; for his purpose fit;
QUITE raw was Alice; for his purpose fit;
Not overburdened with a store of wit;
Not weighed down by an abundance of cleverness;
Of this indeed she could not be accused,
Of this, she definitely couldn't be blamed,
And Cupid's wiles by her were never used;
And she never used Cupid's tricks;
Poor lady, all with her was honest part,
Poor lady, all she had was her honesty,
And naught she knew of stratagem or art.
And she knew nothing of strategy or skill.
HER husband then away, and she alone,
HER husband then went away, leaving her alone,
This neighbour came, and in a whining tone,
This neighbor showed up, and in a complaining tone,
To her observed, when compliments were o'er:—
To her, it seemed that when the compliments were done:—
I'm all astonishment, and you deplore,
I'm completely amazed, and you regret,
To find that neighbour William's gone from hence,
To find that neighbor William's gone from here,
And left your child's completing in suspense,
And left your child's completion in suspense,
Which now you bear within, and much I fear,
Which you now carry inside, and I worry a lot,
That when 'tis born you'll find it wants an ear.
That when it's born you'll find it needs an ear.
Your looks sufficiently the fact proclaim,
Your appearance clearly shows the truth,
For many instances I've known the same.
For many situations, I've experienced the same thing.
Good heav'ns! replied the lady in a fright;
Good heavens! replied the lady in a panic;
What say you, pray?—the infant won't be right!
What do you say, please?—the baby won't be okay!
Shall I be mother to a one-eared child?
Shall I be the mother of a one-eared child?
And know you no relief that's certain styled?
And do you know of no relief that's definitely in style?
Oh yes, there is, rejoined the crafty knave,
Oh yes, there is, replied the sly trickster,
From such mishap I can the baby save;
From such a mishap, I can save the baby;
Yet solemnly I vow, for none but you
Yet I solemnly promise, for no one but you
I'd undertake the toilsome job to do.
I'd take on the hard work to do.
The ills of others, if I may be plain,
The problems of others, if I may be straightforward,
Except your husband's, never give me pain;
Except for your husband's, never cause me pain;
But him I'd serve for ever, while I've breath;
But I would serve him forever, as long as I have breath;
To do him good I'd e'en encounter death.
To help him, I'd even face death.
Now let us see, without more talk or fears,
Now let's see, without any more talking or worries,
If I know how to forge the bantling ears.
If I know how to create the baby ears.
Remember, cried the wife, to make them like.
Remember, the wife shouted, to make them like this.
Leave that to me, said he, I'll justly strike.
Leave that to me, he said, I'll hit back fairly.
Then he prepared for work; the dame gave way;
Then he got ready for work; the lady stepped aside;
Not difficult she proved:—well pleased she lay;
Not difficult was she to please: she lay content.
Philosophy was never less required,
Philosophy is needed more than ever,
And Andrew's process much the fair admired,
And Andrew's process was greatly admired,
Who, to his work extreme attention paid;
Who paid extreme attention to his work;
'Twas now a tendon; then a fold he made,
'Twas now a tendon; then a fold he made,
Or cartilage, of which he formed enough,
Or cartilage, which he created enough,
And all without complaining of the stuff.
And all without complaining about the stuff.
To-morrow we will polish it, said he:
Tomorrow we will polish it, he said:
Then in perfection soon the whole will be;
Then everything will soon be perfect;
And from repeating this so oft, you'll get
And by doing this so often, you'll get
As perfect issue as was ever met.
As perfect a result as has ever been encountered.
I'm much obliged to you, the wife replied,
I'm very grateful to you, the wife replied,
A friend is good in whom we may confide.
A friend is someone we can trust.
NEXT day, when tardy Time had marked the hour;
NEXT day, when slow Time had marked the hour;
That Andrew hoped again to use his pow'r,
That Andrew hoped to use his power again,
He was not plunged in sleep, but briskly flew,
He wasn’t sound asleep, but was wide awake,
His purpose with the charmer to pursue.
His goal was to chase after the charmer.
Said he, all other things aside I've laid,
Said he, putting everything else aside,
This ear to finish, and to lend you aid.
This is the final ear to help you out and provide support.
And I, the dame replied, was on the eve,
And I, the lady replied, was on the night before,
To send and beg you not the job to leave;
To send and ask you not to quit the job;
Above stairs let us go:—away they ran,
Above stairs let’s go:—away they ran,
And quickly recommenced as they began.
And quickly started again just like before.
The work so oft was smoothed, that Alice showed
The work was often smoothed out, so Alice showed
Some scruples lest the ear he had bestowed
Some doubts about the gift he had given
Should do too much, and to the wily wight,
Should do too much, and to the clever one,
She said, so little you the labour slight,
She said, you do so little work.
'Twere well if ears no more than two appear;
'It would be better if there were no more than two ears;
Of that, rejoined the other, never fear;
Of that, replied the other, don't worry;
I've guarded thoroughly against defects,
I've thoroughly guarded against defects,
Mistake like that shall ne'er your senses vex.
Mistakes like that will never bother your senses.
THE ear howe'er was still in hand the same,
THE ear however was still in hand the same,
When from his journey home the husband came.
When the husband returned home from his journey.
Saluted Alice, who with anxious look,
Saluted Alice, who had a worried expression,
Exclaimed,—your work how finely you forsook,
Exclaimed,—how beautifully you left your work,
And, but for neighbour Andrew's kindness here,
And if it weren't for neighbor Andrew's kindness here,
Our child would incomplete have been—an ear,
Our child would have been incomplete—an ear,
I could not let a thing remain like this,
I couldn't let things stay like this,
And Andrew would not be to friends remiss,
And Andrew wouldn't let his friends down,
But, worthy man, he left his thriving trade,
But, good man, he left his successful business,
And for the babe a proper ear has made.
And for the baby, a proper ear has been created.
THE husband, not conceiving how his wife,
THE husband, unable to understand how his wife,
Could be so weak and ignorant of life,
Could be so weak and clueless about life,
The circumstances made her fully tell,
The situation caused her to reveal everything,
Repeat them o'er and on each action dwell.
Repeat them over and reflect on each action.
Enraged at length, a pistol by the bed
Enraged at last, a gun by the bed
He seized and swore at once he'd shoot her dead.
He grabbed her and immediately swore that he would shoot her dead.
The belle with tears replied, howe'er she'd swerved,
The beautiful girl replied in tears, no matter how she had gone astray,
Such cruel treatment never she deserved.
Such cruel treatment she never deserved.
Her innocence, and simple, gentle way,
Her innocence and simple, gentle nature,
At length appeared his frantick rage to lay.
At last, his frantic anger began to calm down.
What injury, continued she, is done?
What damage has been done?
The strictest scrutiny I would not shun;
The closest examination I wouldn't avoid;
Your goods and money, ev'ry thing is right;
Your belongings and money, everything is in order;
And Andrew told me, nothing he would slight;
And Andrew told me, there’s nothing he would overlook;
That you would find much more than you could want;
That you would find way more than you could want;
And this I hope to me you'll freely grant;
And I hope you will easily agree to this;
If falsehood I advance, my life I'll lose;
If I speak a lie, I’ll lose my life;
Your equity, I trust, will me excuse.
Your fairness, I hope, will forgive me.
A LITTLE cooled, then William thus replied,
A little cooled off, William replied this way,
We'll say no more; you have been drawn aside;
We'll say no more; you've been pulled aside;
What passed you fancied acting for the best,
What you thought would be best,
And I'll consent to put the thing at rest;
And I'll agree to put it to rest;
To nothing good such altercations tend;
To no good can such arguments lead;
I've but a word: to that attention lend;
I've just one thing to say: pay attention to that;
Contrive to-morrow that I here entrap
Contrive tomorrow that I trap here
This fellow who has caused your sad mishap;
This guy who caused your unfortunate situation;
You'll utter not a word of what I've said;
You'll not say a word of what I've told you;
Be secret or at once I'll strike you dead.
Be silent, or I'll kill you immediately.
Adroitly you must act: for instance say;
Adroitly you must act: for example, say;
I'm on a second journey gone away;
I'm on a second journey that has taken me away;
A message or a letter to him send,
A message or a letter to him send,
Soliciting that he'll on you attend,
Soliciting that he'll be there for you,
That something you have got to let him know;—
That’s something you need to let him know;—
To come, no doubt, the rascal won't be slow;
To come, no doubt, the troublemaker won't take long;
Amuse him then with converse most absurd,
Amuse him then with the most ridiculous conversations,
But of the EAR remember,—not a word;
But about the EAR, remember—don't say a word;
That's finished now, and nothing can require;
That's done now, and nothing can demand;
You'll carefully perform what I desire.
You'll carefully do what I want.
Poor innocent! the point she nicely hit;
Poor innocent! She really made her point well;
Fear oft gives simpletons a sort of wit.
Fear often gives fools a kind of cleverness.
THE arch gallant arrived; the husband came
THE arch gallant arrived; the husband came
Ascended to the room where sat his dame;
Ascended to the room where his lady sat;
Much noise he made, his coming to announce;
He made a lot of noise to announce his arrival;
The lover, terrified, began to bounce;
The lover, scared, started to jump;
Now here, now there, no shelter could he meet;
Now here, now there, he couldn't find any shelter;
Between the bed and wall he put his feet,
Between the bed and the wall, he placed his feet,
And lay concealed, while William loudly knocked;
And stayed hidden while William knocked loudly;
Fair Alice readily the door unlocked,
Fair Alice quickly unlocked the door,
And, pointing with her hand, informed the spouse,
And, pointing with her hand, told her partner,
Where he might easily his rival rouse.
Where he could easily stir up his rival.
THE husband ev'ry way was armed so well,
THE husband was equipped in every way so well,
He four such men as Andrew could repel;
He could fend off four men like Andrew.
In quest of succour howsoe'er he went:
In search of help, no matter where he went:
To kill him surely William never meant,
To kill him was never something William intended,
But only take an ear, or what the Turks,
But just listen, or what the Turks,
Those savage beasts, cut off from Nature's works;
Those wild animals, separated from Nature’s creations;
Which doubtless must be infinitely worse
Which has to be worse
Infernal practice and continual curse.
Hellish practice and constant curse.
'Twas this he whispered should be Andrew's doom,
'Twas this he whispered would be Andrew's fate,
When with his easy wife he left the room;
When he left the room with his laid-back wife;
She nothing durst reply: the door he shut,
She didn’t dare to respond: he shut the door,
And our gallant 'gan presently to strut,
And our brave one started to show off,
Around and round, believing all was right,
Around and around, thinking everything was fine,
And William unacquainted with his plight.
And William unaware of his situation.
Original
THE latter having well the project weighed,
THE latter having carefully considered the project,
Now changed his plan, and other schemes surveyed;
Now he changed his plan and looked at other options;
Proposed within himself revenge to take,
Proposed to himself to take revenge,
With less parade:—less noise it then would make,
With fewer celebrations, it would make less noise.
And better fruit the action would produce,
And the action would produce better results,
Than if he were apparently profuse.
Than if he seemed to be overly generous.
Said he to Alice, go and seek his wife;
Said he to Alice, "Go and find his wife;"
To her relate the whole that caused our strife;
To her, explain everything that caused our conflict;
Minutely all from first to last detail;
Minutely all from first to last detail;
And then the better on her to prevail,
And then it was better for her to win,
To hasten here, you'll hint that you have fears,
To speed things up, you’ll suggest that you’re afraid,
That Andrew risks the loss of—more than ears,
That Andrew risks losing—more than ears,
For I have punishment severe in view,
For I have a harsh punishment in mind,
Which greatly she must wish I should not do;
Which she must really hope I don't do;
But if an ear-maker, like this, is caught,
But if an ear-maker, like this, is caught,
The worst of chastisement is always sought;
The worst punishment is always desired;
Such horrid things as scarcely can be said:
Such awful things that can hardly be mentioned:
They make the hair to stand upon the head;
They make the hair stand up on the head;
That he's upon the point of suff'ring straight,
That he's about to suffer straight,
And only for her presence things await;
And everything waits just for her presence;
That though she cannot all proceedings stay,
That although she can't stop all actions,
Perhaps she may some portion take away.
Perhaps she might take away some part.
Go, bring her instantly, haste quickly, run;
Go, bring her here right away, hurry up, run;
And, if she comes, I'll pardon what's been done.
And if she shows up, I’ll forgive what’s happened.
WITH joy to Andrew's house fair Alice went;
WITH joy, fair Alice went to Andrew's house;
The wife to follow her appeared content;
The wife who came after her seemed happy;
Quite out of breath, alone she ran up stairs,
Quite out of breath, she ran up the stairs alone,
And, not perceiving him who shared her cares;
And, not seeing the one who shared her worries;
Believed he was imprisoned in a room;
Believed he was trapped in a room;
And while with fear she trembled for his doom;
And while she shook with fear for what might happen to him;
The master (having laid aside his arms)
The master (having put away his weapons)
Now came to compliment the lady's charms;
Now came to praise the lady's beauty;
He gave the belle a chair, who looked most nice:—
He offered the beautiful woman a chair, and she looked really nice:—
Said he, ingratitude's the worst of vice;
He said, ingratitude is the worst kind of vice;
To me your husband has been wondrous kind;
To me, your husband has been wonderfully kind;
So many services has done I find,
So many services have been done, I find,
That, ere you leave this house, I'd wish to make
That, before you leave this house, I’d like to make
A little return, and this you will partake.
A little return, and this you will experience.
When I was absent from my loving dear,
When I was away from my beloved,
Obligingly he made her babe an ear.
Obligingly, he made her baby an ear.
The compliment of course I must admire;
The compliment, of course, I have to appreciate;
Retaliation is what I desire,
I want revenge.
And I've a thought:—your children all have got
And I have a thought: your kids all have
The nose a little short, which is a blot;
The nose is a bit short, which is a flaw;
A fault within the mould no doubt's the cause,
A flaw in the mold is definitely the cause,
Which I can mend, and any other flaws.
Which I can fix, along with any other problems.
The business now let's execute I pray,
The business now, let's get it done, I hope.
On which the dame he took without delay,
On which the woman he took right away,
And placed her near where Andrew hid his head,
And positioned her close to where Andrew was hiding his head,
Then 'gan to operate as he was led.
Then he began to act as he was directed.
THE lady patiently his process bore,
THE lady patiently endured his process,
And blessed her stars that Andrew's risk was o'er
And she thanked her lucky stars that Andrew's risk was over.
That she had thus the dire return received,
That she received such a terrible consequence,
And saved the man for whom her bosom grieved.
And saved the man her heart ached for.
So much emotion William seemed to feel,
So much emotion William seemed to feel,
No grace he gave, but all performed with zeal;
No kindness he showed, but everything done with enthusiasm;
Retaliated ev'ry way so well,
Retaliated in every way possible,
He measure gave for measure:—ell for ell.
He measured give for give:—yard for yard.
How true the adage, that revenge is sweet!
How true is the saying that revenge is sweet!
The plan he followed clearly was discrete;
The plan he followed was clearly subtle;
For since he wished his honour to repair:—
For since he wanted to restore his honor:—
Of any better way I'm not aware.
Of any better way, I’m not sure.
THE whole without a murmur Andrew viewed,
THE whole without a word Andrew observed,
And thanked kind Heav'n that nothing worse ensued;
And thanked kind Heaven that nothing worse happened;
One ear most readily he would have lost,
One ear he probably would have easily lost,
Could he be certain that would pay the cost.
Could he be sure that it would be worth the price?
He thought 'twould lucky be, could he get out,
He thought it would be lucky if he could get out,
For all considered, better 'twere no doubt,
For all that’s considered, it would definitely be better,
Howe'er ridiculous the thing appears,
However ridiculous the thing seems,
To have a pair of horns than lose his ears.
To have a pair of horns rather than lose his ears.
THE RIVER SCAMANDER
Original
I'M now disposed to give a pretty tale;
I'M ready to share a nice story;
Love laughs at what I've sworn and will prevail;
Love laughs at my promises and will win out.
Men, gods, and all, his mighty influence know,
Men, gods, and everyone, know his powerful influence,
And full obedience to the urchin show.
And complete obedience to the kid's performance.
In future when I celebrate his flame,
In the future, when I celebrate his passion,
Expressions not so warm will be my aim;
Expressions that are not so warm will be my goal;
I would not willingly abuses plant,
I would not willingly abuse plants,
But rather let my writings spirit want.
But instead, let my writing be lacking in spirit.
If in these verses I around should twirl,
If I were to spin around in these verses,
Some wily knave and easy simple girl,
Some crafty guy and naive girl,
'Tis with intention in the breast to place;
'Tis with intent in the heart to place;
On such occasions, dread of dire disgrace;
On those occasions, fear of severe embarrassment;
The mind to open, and the sex to set
The mind to explore, and the body to experience
Upon their guard 'gainst snares so often met.
Upon their guard against traps they often encounter.
Gross ignorance a thousand has misled,
Gross ignorance has misled a thousand,
For one that has been hurt by what I've said.
For anyone who has been hurt by what I've said.
I'VE read that once, an orator renowned
I'VE read that once, a famous speaker
In Greece, where arts superior then were found,
In Greece, where the arts were superior at that time,
By law's severe decree, compelled to quit
By the strict order of the law, forced to leave
His country, and to banishment submit,
His country, and to exile agree,
Resolved that he a season would employ,
Resolved that for a time he would engage,
In visiting the site of ancient Troy.
In visiting the site of ancient Troy.
His comrade, Cymon, with him thither went,
His friend, Cymon, went there with him,
To view those ruins, we so oft lament.
To see those ruins, we often mourn.
A hamlet had been raised from Ilion's wall,
A small village had been built up from Ilion's wall,
Ennobled by misfortune and its fall;
Ennobled by misfortune and its downfall;
Where now mere names are Priam and his court;
Where now just names are Priam and his court;
Of all devouring Time the prey and sport.
Of all-consuming Time, the victim and plaything.
Original
O TROY! for me thy very name has got
O TROY! Your very name has become
Superior charms:—in story fruitful spot;
Superior charms:—in story rich place;
Thy famed remains I ne'er can hope to view,
Thy famous remains I can never hope to see,
That gods by labour raised, and gods o'erthrew;
That gods were created through effort, and gods were also brought down;
Those fields where daring acts of valour shone;
Those fields where bold acts of bravery stood out;
So many fights were lost:—so many won.
So many battles were lost:—so many won.
BUT to resume my thread, and not extend
BUT to get back to my main point, and not go off track
Too much the subjects which our plan suspend;
Too many subjects that our plan depends on;
This Cymon, who's the hero of our tale,
This Cymon, who’s the hero of our story,
When walking near the banks that form the dale
When walking along the banks that shape the valley
Through which Scamander's waters freely flow,
Through which Scamander's waters flow freely,
Observed a youthful charmer thither go,
Observed a young charmer going over there,
To breathe the cool refreshing breeze around;
To enjoy the cool, refreshing breeze all around;
That on its verdant borders oft she'd found.
That on its green borders she often found.
Her veil was floating, and her artless dress,
Her veil was billowing, and her simple dress,
A shepherdess seemed clearly to express.
A shepherdess seemed to clearly express.
Tall, elegantly formed, with beauteous mien,
Tall, elegantly shaped, with a beautiful appearance,
And ev'ry feature lovely to be seen,
And every feature beautiful to behold,
Young Cymon felt emotion and surprise,
Young Cymon felt a mix of emotions and surprise,
And thought 'twas Venus that had caught his eyes,
And thought it was Venus who had caught his eyes,
Who on the river's side her charms displayed,
Who by the river showed off her beauty,
Those wondrous treasures all perfection made.
Those amazing treasures created perfect beauty.
A GROT was nigh, to which the simple fair,
A GROT was nearby, to which the simple fair,
Not dreaming ills, was anxious to repair;
Not dreaming bad things, was eager to fix;
The heat, some evil spirit, and the place,
The heat, some malevolent force, and the location,
Invited her the moment to embrace,
Invited her at the right moment to embrace,
To bathe within the stream that near her ran;
To bathe in the stream that flowed nearby;
And instantly her project she began.
And she started her project right away.
THE spark concealed himself; each charm admired;
THE spark hid himself; every charm was admired;
Now this, now that, now t'other feature fired;
Now this, now that, now another feature lit up;
A hundred beauties caught his eager sight;
A hundred beauties caught his excited attention;
And while his bosom felt supreme delight,
And while he felt a deep sense of joy,
He turned his thoughts advantages to take,
He focused on the benefits he could take advantage of,
And of the maiden's error something make;
And about the girl’s mistake, let’s create something;
Assumed the character, and dress; and air;
Assumed the character, clothing, and demeanor;
That should a wat'ry deity declare;
That a watery deity should declare;
Within the gliding flood his vestments dipt:
Within the flowing water, his clothes dipped:
A crown of rushes on his head he slipt;
A crown of reeds slipped off his head;
Aquatick herbs and plants around he twined:
Aquatic herbs and plants around him twisted:
Then Mercury intreated to be kind,
Then Mercury pleaded to be kind,
And Cupid too, the wily god of hearts;
And Cupid, the clever god of love;
How could the innocent resist these arts?
How could the innocent resist these tricks?
AT length a foot so fair the belle exposed,
AT last, a beautiful foot was revealed,
E'en Galatea never such disclosed;
Even Galatea never revealed this;
The stream, that glided by, received the prize;
The stream that flowed by received the reward;
Her lilies she beheld with downcast eyes,
Her lilies she looked at with lowered eyes,
And, half ashamed, herself surveyed at ease,
And, half embarrassed, she looked at herself comfortably,
While round the zephyrs wantoned in the breeze.
While the gentle breezes played in the air.
WHEN thus engaged, the lover near her drew;
WHEN thus engaged, the lover moved closer to her;
At whose approach away the damsel flew,
At his approach, the girl ran away,
And tried to hide within the rocky cell;
And tried to hide in the rocky cell;
Cried Cymon, I beneath these waters dwell,
Cried Cymon, I live beneath these waters,
And o'er their course a sov'reign right maintain;
And over their path, they uphold a ruling right;
Be goddess of the flood, and with me reign;
Be the goddess of the flood, and rule alongside me;
Few rivers could with you like pow'rs divide;
Few rivers could divide us like powers do;
My crystal's clear: in me you may confide;
My crystal's clear: you can trust me;
My heart is pure; with flow'rs I'll deck the stream,
My heart is pure; with flowers I'll decorate the stream,
If worthy of yourself the flood you deem;
If you believe you are worthy of the flood;
Too happy should this honour you bestow,
Too happy should this honor you bestow,
And with me, 'neath the current, freely go.
And with me, underneath the flow, freely go.
Your fair companions, ev'ry one I'll make
Your lovely friends, each one I'll create
A nymph of fountains, hill, or grove, or lake;
A nymph of fountains, hills, woods, or lakes;
My pow'r is great, extending far around
My power is great, reaching far and wide.
Where'er the eye can reach, 'tis fully found.
Wherever the eye can see, it is completely present.
THE eloquence he used, her fears and dread;
THE way he spoke, her fears and anxiety;
Lest she might give offence by what she said,
Lest she might offend by what she said,
In spite of bashfulness that bliss alloys,
In spite of the shyness that happiness mixes with,
Soon all concluded with celestial joys.
Soon everything ended with heavenly joys.
'Tis even said that Cupid lent supplies;
'Tis even said that Cupid provided supplies;
From superstition many things arise.
Superstition gives rise to many things.
THE spark withdrew, delighted by success;
THE spark pulled back, pleased with its success;
Return said he:—we'll mutually caress;
Return said he:—we'll hug it out;
But secret prove: let none our union learn;
But secret proof: let no one learn of our union;
Concealment is to me of high concern;
Concealment is very important to me;
To make it publick would improper be,
To make it public would be inappropriate,
Till on Olympus' mount the gods we see,
Till on Olympus' mountain the gods we see,
In council met, to whom I'll state the case;
In a meeting, I will present the situation to them;
On this the new-made goddess left the place,
On this, the newly created goddess left the place,
In ev'ry thing contented as a dove,
In everything, peaceful like a dove,
And fully witnessed by the god of love.
And completely witnessed by the god of love.
Two months had passed, and not a person knew
Two months had gone by, and no one knew
Their frequent meetings, pleasure to pursue.
Their frequent meetings are a pleasure to attend.
O mortals! is it true, as we are told,
O mortals! Is it true, as we’ve been told,
That ev'ry bliss at last is rendered cold?
That every joy eventually loses its warmth?
The sly gallant, though not a word he said,
The sly gentleman, even though he didn't say a word,
The grot to visit now was rarely led.
The cave to visit now was seldom guided.
AT length a wedding much attention caught;
AT last a wedding attracted a lot of attention;
The lads and lasses of the hamlet sought,
The guys and girls of the village looked for,
To see the couple pass: the belle perceived
To watch the couple walk by: the beauty noticed
The very man for whom her bosom heaved,
The very man who made her heart race,
And loudly cried, behold Scamander's flood!
And shouted, look at Scamander's river!
Which raised surprise; soon numbers round her stood,
Which raised surprise; soon a crowd gathered around her,
Astonishment expressed, but still the fair,
Astonishment was expressed, but still the fair,
Whate'er was asked, would nothing more declare,
Whate'er was asked, would nothing more declare,
Than, in the spacious, blue, ethereal sky,
Than, in the vast, blue, otherworldly sky,
Her marriage would be soon, they might rely.
Her marriage would be soon, they could count on that.
A laugh prevailed; for what was to be done?
A laugh broke out; what was there to do?
The god with hasty steps away had run,
The god quickly fled.
And none with stones pursued his rapid flight:
And no one chased him with stones:
The deity was quickly ought of sight.
The deity quickly disappeared from view.
WERE this to happen now, Scamander's stream
WERE this to happen now, Scamander's stream
Would not so easily preserve esteem;
Wouldn't easily earn respect;
But crimes like these (whoever was abused),
But crimes like these (no matter who was abused),
In former days, were easily excused.
In the past, people were easily forgiven.
With time our maxims change, and what was then,
With time our sayings change, and what was then,
Though wrong at present, may prevail agen.
Though wrong now, it may succeed again.
Scamander's spouse some raillery received;
Scamander's spouse faced some teasing;
But in the end she fully was relieved:
But in the end, she felt completely relieved:
A lover e'en superior thought her charms,
A lover even believed her charms were superior,
(His taste was such) and took her to his arms.
(His taste was such) and pulled her into his embrace.
The gods can nothing spoil! but should they cause
The gods can't ruin anything! But if they do cause
A belle to lose a portion of applause,
A beautiful woman to lose some applause,
A handsome fortune give, and you'll behold,
A handsome fortune given, and you'll see,
That ev'ry thing can be repaired by gold.
That everything can be fixed with gold.
A CONFIDANT WITHOUT KNOWING IT;
OR THE STRATAGEM
Original
NO master sage, nor orator I know,
No master teacher, nor speaker I know,
Who can success, like gentle Cupid show;
Who can succeed, like gentle Cupid does;
His ways and arguments are pleasing smiles,
His methods and reasoning bring joyful smiles,
Engaging looks, soft tears, and winning wiles.
Engaging looks, gentle tears, and charming tricks.
Wars in his empire will at times arise,
Wars in his empire will sometimes happen,
And, in the field, his standard meet the eyes;
And, in the field, his standard catches the eye;
Now stealing secretly, with skilful lure.
Now stealing quietly, with a clever bait.
He penetrates to hearts supposed secure,
He reaches into hearts that were thought to be safe,
O'erleaps the ramparts that protect around,
O'erleaps the ramparts that protect around,
And citadels reduces, most renowned.
And citadels diminish, most famous.
I DARE engage, two fortresses besiege
I DARE to engage; two fortresses surround me.
Leave one to Mars, and t'other to this liege.
Leave one for Mars, and the other for this king.
And though the god of war should numbers bring,
And even if the god of war should bring numbers,
With all the arms that can his thunders fling,
With all the weapons that he can launch his thunder with,
Before the fort he'll vainly waste his time,
Before the fort, he'll waste his time in vain,
While Cupid, unattended, in shall climb,
While Cupid, left alone, will climb,
Obtain possession perfectly at ease,
Take possession easily,
And grant conditions just as he shall please.
And give conditions however he likes.
I NOW propose to give a fav'rite tale:—
I now propose to share a favorite story:—
The god of Love was never known to fail,
The god of Love was never known to fail,
In finding stratagems, as I have read,
In finding strategies, as I've read,
And many have I seen most nicely spread.
And I've seen many beautifully arranged.
THE young Aminta was Gerontes' wife,
THE young Aminta was Gerontes' wife,
With whom she lived, it seems, a wretched life.
With whom she lived, it seems, a miserable life.
Far better she deserved than what she had,
Far better she deserved than what she had,
For he was jealous, and his temper bad:
For he was jealous and had a bad temper:
An aged hunks, while she was in the hour
An old guy, while she was in the moment
When hearts, that never felt LOVE'S mighty pow'r,
When hearts that have never experienced LOVE'S powerful force,
Are presently by tender objects caught,
Are now caught by gentle things,
Which ne'er before had entered in the thought.
Which had never before entered anyone's mind.
WHEN first Aminta saw young Cleon's face,
WHEN first Aminta saw young Cleon's face,
A lad possessing all engaging grace,
A boy with all the charm and grace,
Much prudence then she ev'ry way displayed,
Much caution she showed in every way,
E'en more perhaps than necessary made.
Even more perhaps than necessary made.
For though we may suppose the lovely fair,
For even if we assume the beautiful girl,
Would ev'ry effort use to 'scape the snare,
Would every effort be made to escape the trap,
Yet when the god of soft persuasion takes
Yet when the god of gentle persuasion takes
The fatal moment, havock soon he makes,
The deadly moment, chaos quickly follows,
In vain his duty, any thing opposed,
In vain his duty, anything opposed,
If once the tender sentiment's disclosed.
If at one point the gentle feelings are revealed.
Aminta consolation had in view
Aminta's consolation was intended.
'Twas that alone the passion from her drew,
'Twas that alone that drew the passion from her,
A meeting innocent, to vent her tears,
A meeting without any ulterior motives, to express her tears,
And, to a feeling friend, express her fears.
And, to a caring friend, share her worries.
'Tis represented thus I cannot doubt;
'Tis represented like this, I have no doubt;
But sight of meat brings appetite about;
But seeing meat makes you hungry;
And if you would avoid the tempting bit,
And if you want to steer clear of the tempting part,
'Tis better far at table not to sit.
'Tis better far to not sit at the table.
AMINTA hoped to render Cleon kind;
AMINTA hoped to make Cleon kind;
Poor innocent! as yet to dangers blind,
Poor innocent! still unaware of the dangers,
These conversations she was led to deem,
These talks made her think,
Mere friendly ways that raised sincere esteem;
Mildly friendly gestures that earned genuine respect;
And this alone she ardently desired,
And this was all she truly wanted,
Without supposing more would be required,
Without assuming that more would be needed,
Or any thing improper be the case:
Or if anything inappropriate is the case:
She'd rather die than suffer such disgrace.
She'd rather die than go through such humiliation.
'Twas difficult the business to commence;
It was hard to begin;
A letter 's often lost, or gives offence,
A letter is often lost or can offend,
And many serious accidents arrive:
And many serious accidents happen:
To have a confidant 'twere better strive;
To have a confidant, it’s better to try;
But where could such a female friend be found?
But where could I find such a female friend?
Gerontes dreaded was by all around.
Gerontes was dreaded by everyone around him.
I've said already, Cupid will obtain,
I've already said, Cupid will get his way,
One way or t'other, what he wants to gain;
One way or another, what he wants to achieve;
And this will show the observation just
And this will accurately show the observation just
The maxim's such as you may always trust.
The maxims are ones you can always trust.
A FEMALE relative young Cleon had,
A young female relative of Cleon had,
A peevish prude, who looked upon the lad,
A grumpy prude, who glanced at the boy,
As one she had a right to rule and scold;
As one, she had the authority to lead and reprimand;
Her name was Mistress Alice: sour and old.
Her name was Mistress Alice: grumpy and elderly.
ONE summer's day, Aminta to her said:
ONE summer's day, Aminta said to her:
I cannot think how 'tis, your cousin's led,
I can't understand how it is that your cousin has been led,
(Though quite indifferent he is to me,
(Though he is pretty indifferent to me,
And doubtless such will ever prove to be)
And there’s no doubt that this will always be true.
With various fond attentions, to pretend,
With various caring gestures, to pretend,
He loves me—much beyond a common friend.
He loves me—way more than just a regular friend.
My window oft he passes day and night;
My window often watches the day and night go by;
I cannot move a step, but he's in sight,
I can't take a step, but he's visible,
And in a moment at my heels appears;
And suddenly, it shows up right behind me;
Notes, letters full of soft expressions, dears,
Notes, letters filled with tender words, dear ones,
To me are sent by one I will not name,
To me are sent by one I won't name,
For known to you, she would be thought to blame:
For you see, she would be considered at fault:
Pray put an end to such a wild pursuit
Please stop this wild chase.
It nothing can produce but wretched fruit;
It can only produce miserable results;
My husband may take fire at things like these;
My husband might get really angry about things like this;
And as to Cleon.—me he'll never please;
And as for Cleon—he'll never satisfy me;
I'll thank you to inform him what I say;
I'll appreciate it if you could let him know what I said;
Such steps are useless: folly they betray.
Such actions are pointless: they reveal foolishness.
MUCH praise Aminta from the dame received;
MUCH praise Aminta received from the lady;
Who promised that the conduct, which aggrieved;
Who promised that the behavior, which upset;
To Cleon she would mention, as desired,
To Cleon, she would mention, as requested,
And reprimand him, as the fault required:
And discipline him, as the situation called for:
So well would scold him, that she might be sure,
So well would she scold him that she could be sure,
From him in future she would be secure.
From him, she would be safe in the future.
THE foll'wing day our youth to Alice came;
THE following day our youth came to Alice;
To pay a visit solely was his aim;
To visit was his only goal;
She told him what Aminta had declared,
She told him what Aminta had said,
And, in her lecture, words by no means spared.
And in her lecture, she didn't hold back her words.
The lad, surprised, on oath the whole denied,
The young man, taken aback, completely denied it under oath,
And vowed to gain her love, he never tried.
And he promised to win her love, but he never made an effort.
Old Alice called her cousin, imp of Hell;
Old Alice called her cousin a little devil;
Said she, in all that's wicked, you excel;
Said she, in everything that's wrong, you stand out;
You will not all your base designs confess;
You won't admit all your basic designs;
The oaths are false on which you lay such stress,
The oaths you're so focused on are false,
And punishment most richly you deserve;
And you truly deserve the harshest punishment;
But false or true, from this I will not swerve,
But whether it's false or true, I won't back down from this,
That you should recollect, Aminta 's chaste,
That you should remember, Aminta's pure,
And never will submit to be disgraced;
And I will never accept being disgraced;
Renounce her from this hour; no more pursue:—
Renounce her starting now; don’t chase her anymore:—
That easily, said Cleon, I can do;
That’s easy, said Cleon, I can do that;
Away he went: the case considered o'er;
Away he went: the case considered over;
But still the myst'ry he could not explore.
But still the mystery he couldn't explore.
THREE days had scarcely passed: Aminta came,
THREE days had barely gone by: Aminta arrived,
To pay a visit to our ancient dame;
To pay a visit to our elderly lady;
Cried she I fear, you have not seen as yet,
Cried she, "I’m afraid you haven’t seen it yet."
This youth, who worse and worse appears to get.
This young person seems to be getting worse and worse.
Rage, Mistress Alice, instantly o'erspread,
Fury, Mistress Alice, quickly spread,
And ev'ry thing that's vile she of him said.
And she spoke of everything disgusting about him.
NO sooner had Aminta gone away,
NO sooner had Aminta gone away,
But she for Cleon sent without delay.
But she sent for Cleon right away.
He presently appeared; yet to detail
He appeared now; but to elaborate
How Alice stormed, I certainly should fail;
How Alice raged, I definitely would fail;
Unless an iron tongue I could obtain:
Unless I could get an iron tongue:
All Hell was ransacked epithets to gain;
All Hell was searched for insults to achieve;
And Lucifer and Beelzebub were used:
And Lucifer and Beelzebub were involved:
No mortal ever was so much abused.
No human has ever been treated so poorly.
QUITE terrified, poor lad, he scarcely knew;
QUITE terrified, poor kid, he hardly knew;
Her fury was so great, what best to do;
Her anger was so intense, what was the best thing to do;
If he allowed that he had acted wrong,
If he admitted that he had acted wrongly,
'Twould wound his conscience and defile his tongue.
It would hurt his conscience and tarnish his tongue.
He home repaired, and turning in his mind
He fixed things around the house, and as he thought about it
What he had heard, at length his thoughts inclined,
What he had heard eventually shaped his thoughts.
To fancy that Aminta was disposed,
To think that Aminta was inclined,
To play some cunning trick, which, not disclosed,
To pull off a clever trick, which, if not revealed,
Would operate to bring her wish about;
Would work to make her wish come true;
I see, said he, the scheme I should not doubt;
I see, he said, I wouldn't doubt the plan;
It surely is my duty kind to be:
It’s definitely my duty to be kind:
Methinks I hear her freely say to me,
I think I hear her saying to me openly,
O Cleon! show affection, I am yours;
O Cleon! Show me some love; I am yours;
I love her too, for beauty that secures;
I love her too, for beauty that captivates;
And while her seraph charms my bosom fire;
And while her angelic beauty captivates my heart;
I equally the stratagem admire.
I equally admire the strategy.
Most freely howsoe'er I will confess,
Most freely however I want to confess,
At first I was so dull, I could not guess
At first I was so clueless, I couldn't figure out
At what she aimed, but now the object's plain:
At what she was aiming for, but now the purpose is clear:
Aminta o'er my heart desires to reign.
Aminta wants to rule over my heart.
THIS minute, if I durst, I'd thither go,
THIS minute, if I dared, I'd go there,
And, full of confidence, declare my woe,
And, feeling confident, I express my sadness,
The subtle flame that burns without controul;
The quiet flame that burns without control;
What hurt to paint feelings of my soul?
What hurt to express the feelings of my soul?
From balance of accounts 'twill both exempt:
From the balance of accounts, it will both exempt:
'Tis better far to love than show contempt.
It's much better to love than to show contempt.
But should the husband find me in the house?—
But what if the husband finds me in the house?—
Ne'er think of that, and try the hunks to chouse.
Ne'er think of that, and try to deceive those guys.
THEIR course had hardly run three other days,
THEIR course had barely run three other days,
When fair Aminta, studious still of ways
When the lovely Aminta, still focused on her studies
To have her wish, again to Alice came,
To have her wish, Alice came again,
To give dear Cleon notice of her flame.
To let dear Cleon know about her feelings.
My home, cried she, 'tis requisite I leave:
My home, she cried, I have to leave:
To ruin me, your cousin, I perceive,
To destroy me, I see, your cousin,
Is still resolved, for presents now he sends;
Is still determined, for now he sends gifts;
But he mistakes, and blindly wealth expends;
But he makes mistakes and spends his wealth recklessly;
I'm clearly not the woman he suspects:
I'm obviously not the woman he thinks I am:
See here, what jewels rare to please the sex!
See here, what rare jewels to please women!
Nice rubies, diamonds too, but what is more,
Nice rubies, diamonds as well, but more importantly,
My portrait I have found among the store,
My portrait I have found among the store,
Which must have been from memory designed,
Which must have been created from memory,
Since only with my husband that you'll find.
Since you will only find it with my husband.
WHEN I arose, this person known to you,
WHEN I woke up, this person you know,
Whose name I must conceal (to honour true),
Whose name I must keep secret (to be truthful),
Arrived and brought me what I just have shown;
Arrived and gave me what I just showed you;
The whole should at your cousin's head be thrown;
The entire thing should be thrown at your cousin's head;
And were he present:—but I'll curb my rage;
And if he were here:—but I'll hold back my anger;
Allow me to proceed, and you engage
Allow me to continue, and you get involved.
To hear the rest:—he word has also sent,
To hear the rest:—the word has also sent,
That as to-day he knew my husband went
That today he knew my husband was going
On business to his cottage in the wood,
On his way to his cabin in the woods,
Where he would sleep the night, he understood,
Where he would spend the night, he understood,
No sooner should the servants be in bed,
No sooner should the staff be in bed,
And Morpheus' robe be o'er their senses spread,
And Morpheus' robe covers their senses,
But to my dressing room he would repair:—
But he would head to my dressing room:—
What can he hope, such project to declare?
What can he hope to achieve by making such a statement?
A meeting place indeed!—he must be mad;
A meeting place for sure!—he must be crazy;
Were I not fearful 'twould affliction add
Were I not afraid, it would only add to my suffering.
To my old husband, I would set a watch,
To my old husband, I would set a watch,
Who, at the entrance, should the villain catch;
Who should the villain catch at the entrance;
Or put him instantly to shame and flight;
Or make him feel embarrassed and force him to run away immediately;
This said, she presently was out of sight.
This said, she was currently out of sight.
AN hour had passed when Cleon came anew;
AN hour had passed when Cleon returned;
The jewels at him in a moment flew;
The jewels flew at him in an instant;
And scarcely Mistress Alice could refrain,
And hardly could Mistress Alice hold back,
From wreaking further vengeance on the swain.
From causing more harm to the young man.
Is this your plan? cried she; but what is worse,
Is this your plan? she exclaimed; but what’s worse,
I find you still desire a greater curse;
I see that you still want a bigger curse;
And then she told him all Aminta said,
And then she told him everything Aminta said,
When last to visit her the fair was led.
When I last visited her, the fair was happening.
HIMSELF most fully warned the youth now thought;
HIMSELF fully warned the young man now thought;
I loved, cried he, 'tis true; but that is naught,
I loved, he cried, it's true; but that doesn't matter,
Since nothing from the belle I must expect:
Since I can't expect anything from the beautiful:
In future her completely I'll neglect.
In the future, I’ll totally neglect her.
That is the line, said Alice, you should take;
That’s the path you should take, said Alice;
The lad howe'er was fully now awake,
The boy, however, was now fully awake,
And thoroughly resolved to seek the dame,
And completely decided to find the lady,
Whose cunning wiles had set him in a flame.
Whose clever tricks had set him on fire.
THE midnight hour the clock no sooner told;
THE midnight hour the clock had just struck;
Than Cleon ran the myst'ry to unfold,
Than Cleon ran the mystery to reveal,
And to the spot repaired, which he supposed,
And he went back to the place he thought,
Aminta meant, from what had been disclosed;
Aminta intended, based on what had been revealed;
The place was well described, and there he found;
The location was well described, and there he found;
Awaiting at the door, this belle renowned,
Awaiting at the door, this famous beauty,
Without attendants: sleep their eyes o'erspread:
Without attendants: sleep covers their eyes:
Behind thick clouds the very stars had fled:
Behind thick clouds, the stars had completely disappeared.
As all had been expected, in he went,
As everyone expected, in he went,
Most thoroughly they both appeared content;
Most clearly, they both seemed satisfied;
Few words were used: in haste the pair withdrew,
Few words were exchanged: in a rush, the two left.
Where ev'ry wish at ease they might pursue.
Where every wish they can easily follow.
The smart gallant at once her beauty praised;
The clever gentleman immediately praised her beauty;
His admiration presently was raised;
He currently felt increased admiration;
Sweet kindness followed; charms were oft admired;
Sweet kindness came next; charms were often admired;
And all was managed as their hearts desired.
And everything was handled as they wished.
SAID youthful Cleon, now you'll tell me why
SAID youthful Cleon, now you'll tell me why
This stratagem you were induced to try?
This trick you were encouraged to try?
For such before in love was never seen;
For never before has love been seen like this;
'Tis excellent, and worthy Beauty's queen.
It’s excellent and worthy of being the queen of beauty.
A lovely blush o'erspread Aminta's face,
A beautiful blush spread across Aminta's face,
And gave her lily-cheeks superior grace.
And gave her delicate cheeks an elegant beauty.
He praised her person, artifice, and wit,
He praised her charm, cleverness, and humor,
And did whate'er the moments would admit.
And did whatever the moments allowed.
THE CLYSTER
Original
IF truth give pleasure, surely we should try;
IF truth brings joy, then we should definitely pursue it;
To found our tales on what we can rely;
To base our stories on what we can trust;
Th' experiment repeatedly I've made,
The experiments I've done repeatedly,
And seen how much realities persuade:
And see how much truths influence:
They draw attention: confidence awake;
They grab attention: confidence awake;
Fictitious names however we should take,
Fictitious names, however, we should use,
And then the rest detail without disguise:
And then the rest is laid out clearly:
'Tis thus I mean to manage my supplies.
This is how I plan to manage my supplies.
IT happened then near Mans, a Normand town,
IT happened then near Mans, a town in Normandy,
For sapient people always of renown,
For wise people who are always well-known,
A maid not long ago a lover had
A maid recently had a lover.
Brisk, pleasing, ev'ry way a handsome lad;
Brisk, charming, in every way a handsome guy;
The down as yet was scarcely on his chin;
The down was barely on his chin yet;
The girl was such as many wished to win:
The girl was someone many wanted to win over:
Had charms and fortune, all that was desired,
Had charms and good luck, everything that was wanted,
And by the Mansian sparks was much admired;
And the Mansian sparks were greatly admired;
Around they swarmed, but vain was all their art
Around they swarmed, but all their efforts were in vain
Too much our youth possessed the damsel's heart.
Too much of our youth held the young woman's heart.
THE parents, in their wisdom, meant the fair
THE parents, in their wisdom, intended the fair
Should marry one who was a wealthy heir;
Should marry someone who is a wealthy heir;
But she contrived to manage matters well;
But she found a way to handle things effectively;
In spite of ev'ry thing which might repel,
In spite of everything that might push me away,
(I know not how) at length he had access;
(I don't know how) eventually he gained access;
Though whether through indulgence or address,
Though whether through indulgence or skill,
It matters not: perhaps his noble blood
It doesn't matter: maybe his noble blood
Might work a change when fully understood:
Might work a change when fully understood:
The LUCKY, ev'ry thing contrives to please;
The LUCKY, everything tries to please;
The rest can nothing but misfortune seize.
The rest can only be taken by misfortune.
THE lover had success; the parents thought
THE lover was successful; the parents thought
His merit such as prudence would have sought;
His qualities, like wisdom, would have been desired;
What more to wish?—the miser's hoarded store:
What more can one want?—the miser's saved up treasure:
The golden age's wealth is now no more,
The wealth of the golden age is now gone,
A silly shadow, phantom of the brain;
A silly shadow, a ghost of the mind;
O happy time! I see indeed with pain,
O happy time! I can truly see with pain,
Thou wilt return:—in MAINE thou shalt arise;
You will return:—in MAINE you shall rise;
Thy innocence, we fondly may surmise,
Your innocence, we can lovingly assume,
Had seconded our lover's ardent flame,
Had supported our lover's passionate desire,
And hastened his possession of the dame.
And rushed to take possession of the lady.
THE slowness usually in parents found,
THE slowness typically seen in parents,
Induced the girl, whose heart by LOVE was bound;
Induced the girl, whose heart was bound by LOVE;
To celebrate the Hymeneal scene,
To celebrate the wedding scene,
As in the statutes of Cythera's queen.
As in the laws of Cythera's queen.
Our legendary writers this define
Our legendary writers define this
A present contract, where they nothing sign;
A current contract, where they don’t sign anything;
The thing is common;—marriage made in haste:
The thing is common: marriage done quickly:
LOVE'S perparation: Hymen's bit for taste.
LOVE'S preparation: Hymen's bite for flavor.
NOT much examination Cupid made,
Cupid didn’t examine much,
As parent, lawyer, priest, he lent his aid,
As a parent, lawyer, and priest, he offered his help,
And soon concluded matters as desired;
And soon wrapped things up as expected;
The Mansian wisdom no ways was required.
The Mansian wisdom was definitely not needed.
OUR spark was satisfied, and with his belle,
OUR spark was happy, and with his beauty,
Passed nights so happy, nothing could excel;
Passed nights so happy, nothing could top;
'Twere easy to explain;—the double keys,
'Twas easy to explain;—the double keys,
And gifts designed the chambermaid to please,
And gifts were meant to impress the maid,
Made all secure, and ev'ry joy abound;
Made everything secure, and every joy overflowing;
The soft delights with secrecy were crowned.
The gentle pleasures of secrecy were celebrated.
IT happened that our fair one evening said,
IT happened that our lovely one said one evening,
To her who of each infant step had led,
To her who guided every tiny step,
But of the present secret nothing knew:—
But no one knew the current secret:—
I feel unwell; pray tell me what to do.
I feel sick; please tell me what to do.
The other answered, you my dear must take
The other replied, "You, my dear, must take."
A remedy that easily I'll make,
A solution that I can quickly create,
A clyster you shall have to-morrow morn:
A enema you'll have tomorrow morning:
By me most willingly it will be borne.
By me, it will be accepted most gladly.
WHEN midnight came the sly gallant appeared,
WHEN midnight came, the cunning suitor showed up,
Unluckily no doubt, but he revered
Unluckily, no doubt, but he admired
The moments that so pleasantly were passed,
The moments that were spent so pleasantly,
Which always seemed, he thought, to glide too fast;
Which always seemed, he thought, to move too quickly;
Relief he sought, for ev'ry one below
Relief he sought, for everyone below
Is destined torments more or less to know.
Is destined torments more or less to know.
He not a word was told of things designed,
He wasn't told a word about the things planned,
And just as our gallant to sleep inclined,
And just as our brave one was about to fall asleep,
As oft's the case at length with lovers true,
As is often the case in the end with true lovers,
Quite open bright Aurora's portals flew,
Quite open bright Aurora's portals flew,
And with a smile the aged dame arrived;
And with a smile, the elderly woman arrived;
The apparatus properly contrived,
The device properly designed,
Was in her hand, she hastened to the bed,
Was in her hand, she hurried to the bed,
And took the side that to the stripling led.
And took the path that led to the young man.
OUR lady fair was instantly confused,
OUR lady fair was instantly confused,
Or she precaution properly had used,
Or she had taken proper precautions,
'Twas easy to have kept a steady face,
'Twas easy to keep a straight face,
And 'neath the clothes the other's head to place.
And beneath the clothes, place the other's head.
Pass presently beyond the hidden swain,
Pass now beyond the hidden shepherd,
And t'other side with rapid motion gain,
And the other side quickly moves in.
A thing quite natural, we should suppose;
A thing that seems completely natural, we would think;
But fears o'erpow'red; the frightened damsel chose
But fear took over; the scared young woman chose
To hide herself, then whispered her gallant,
To conceal herself, then murmured her brave companion,
What mighty terrors made her bosom pant.
What powerful fears made her heart race.
The youth was sage, and coolly undertook
The young man was wise and calmly took on
To offer for her:—t'other 'gan to look,
To offer for her:—the other one started to look,
With spectacles on nose: soon all went right;
With glasses on my nose, everything soon fell into place;
Adieu, she cried, and then withdrew from sight.
"Goodbye," she said, and then disappeared from view.
Heav'n guard her steps, and all conduct away,
Heaven protect her steps, and lead her safely away,
Whose presence secret friendships would betray:
Whose presence secret friendships would expose:
SHOULD this be thought a silly, idle tale;
SHOULD this be considered a silly, pointless story;
(And that opinion may perhaps prevail)
(And that opinion might just win out)
To censure me, enough will surely try,
To criticize me, many will definitely try,
For criticks are severe, and these will cry,
For critics are harsh, and they will shout,
Your lady like a simpleton escaped;
Your lady escaped like a fool;
Her character you better might have shaped;
Her character you could have shaped better;
Which makes us doubt the truth of what is told:
Which makes us question the truth of what's being said:
Naught in your prologue like it we behold.
Nothin' like that in your intro.
'TWERE sueless to reply: 'twould endless prove:
'Twas useless to reply: it would only prove endless:
No arguments such censurers could move;
No arguments from those critics could change their minds;
On men like these, devoid of sense or taste,
On men like these, lacking common sense or style,
In vain might Cicero his rhet'rick waste.
In vain might Cicero waste his rhetoric.
Sufficient 'tis for me, that what is here,
Sufficient it is for me that what is here,
I got from those who ev'ry-where appear
I got from those who seem to be everywhere
The friends of truth:—let others say the same;
The friends of truth:—let others say the same;
What more would they expect should be my aim?
What else would they expect my goal to be?
THE INDISCREET CONFESSIONS
Original
FAMED Paris ne'er within its walls had got,
FAMED Paris never had within its walls,
Such magick charms as were Aminta's lot,
Such magical charms as were Aminta's fortune,
Youth, beauty, temper, fortune, she possessed,
Youth, beauty, temper, and wealth—she had them all,
And all that should a husband render blessed,
And all of that should make a husband feel blessed,
The mother still retained her 'neath the wing;
The mother still held her under the wing;
Her father's riches well might lovers bring;
Her father's wealth could easily attract lovers;
Whate'er his daughter wished, he would provide,
Whatever his daughter wanted, he would provide,
Amusements, jewels, dress, and much beside.
Amusements, jewelry, clothing, and a lot more.
BLITHE Damon for her having felt the dart,
BLITHE Damon for her having felt the dart,
The belle received the offer of his heart;
The beauty accepted his heartfelt proposal;
So well he managed and expressed his flame.
He managed and expressed his passion so well.
That soon her lord and master he became,
That soon he became her lord and master,
By Hymen's right divine, you may conceive,
By the sacred bond of marriage, you can understand,
And nothing short of it you should believe.
And you should believe nothing less than that.
A YEAR had passed, and still our charming pair,
A YEAR had passed, and still our charming pair,
Were always pleased, and blisses seemed to share;
Were always happy, and joys seemed to share;
(The honeymoon appeared but just began)
(The honeymoon seemed to have just started)
And hopes were entertained to have a son,
And there were hopes of having a son,
When Damon on the subject chanced to touch:
When Damon happened to bring up the topic:
In truth, said he, my soul is troubled much;
In truth, he said, my soul is very troubled;
There is a fact, my dear, to you I'll tell:
There’s a fact, my dear, that I need to share with you:
I wish sincerely (since I love so well)
I sincerely wish (because I care so much)
That for another, I had never known
That for another, I had never known
Such fond affection as to you I've shown;
Such love and affection that I've shown you;
And none but you had entered in my breast,
And no one but you has entered my heart,
So worthy ev'ry way to be caressed.
So worthy in every way to be cherished.
I have howe'er experienced other flame;
I have, however, experienced another flame;
The fault's acknowledged: I confess my shame.
The fault's acknowledged: I admit my shame.
'Twas in a wood; the nymph was young and nice,
'Twas in a woods; the nymph was young and pretty,
And Cupid only near to give advice;
And Cupid was just there to offer some advice;
So well he managed:—or so ill, you'll say;
So well he managed—or so poorly, you might say;
A little girl I've living at this day.
A little girl is living here today.
Original
WHAT, cried Aminta, now to you I'll state;
WHAT, cried Aminta, now I'll tell you;
What happened once to be your spouse's fate;
What once was your spouse's fate;
I was at home alone, to say the truth,
I was home alone, to be honest,
When thither came by chance a sprightly youth.
When a lively young man happened to arrive there.
The lad was handsome, with engaging mien;
The guy was good-looking, with a charming presence;
I felt his worth:—my nature is serene;
I recognized his value:—my personality is calm;
In short so many things were our employ,
In short, we had so many things to do,
I've still upon my hands a little boy.
I've still got a little boy on my hands.
THESE words no sooner had escaped the belle,
THESE words had barely left the beautiful woman's lips,
Than Damon into jealous torments fell;
Than Damon fell into jealous torments;
With rage he left the room; and on his way,
With anger, he stormed out of the room, and on his way,
A large pack-saddle near his footsteps lay,
A large pack saddle was nearby at his feet,
Which on his back he put, then cried aloud,
Which he put on his back, then shouted loudly,
I'm saddled! see; round quickly came a crowd;
I'm overwhelmed! Look; a crowd gathered quickly;
The father, mother, all the servants ran;
The dad, mom, and all the staff ran;
The neighbours too; the husband then began
The neighbors too; the husband then started
To state the circumstance that gave him pain;
To describe the situation that caused him pain;
And fully all the folly to explain.
And completely all the nonsense to explain.
THE reader must not fail to keep in mind;
The reader should remember;
Aminta's parents were both rich and kind,
Aminta's parents were both wealthy and generous,
And having only her to be their heir,
And having only her as their heir,
The aged couple let the youthful pair,
The elderly couple allowed the young couple,
With all their train, within the house reside,
With all their support, they live in the house,
And tranquilly the moments seemed to glide.
And peacefully, the moments felt like they were flowing by.
THU mother fondly to her daughter flew;
THU mother lovingly approached her daughter;
The father followed, keeping her in view;
The father followed, keeping her in sight;
The dame went in, but he remained without:
The woman went in, but he stayed outside:
To listen he designed beyond a doubt;
He definitely planned to listen.
The door was on the jar; the sage drew near;
The door was ajar; the wise person approached;
In short, to all they said, he lent an ear;
In short, he listened to everything they said;
The lady thus he heard reproach her child:
The lady he heard scolding her child:
You're clearly wrong; most silly may be styled;
You're clearly mistaken; most ridiculous can be dressed up;
I've many simpletons and ninnies seen;
I've seen a lot of simpletons and fools;
But such as you before there ne'er has been:
But there has never been anyone like you before:
Who'd have believed you indiscreet like this?
Who would have thought you were so indiscreet?
Who forced you to reveal what was amiss?
Who made you share what was wrong?
What obligation to divulge the fact?
What obligation is there to disclose the fact?
More girls than one have failed to be exact;
More than one girl has been imprecise;
The Devil's crafty; folks are wicked too;
The Devil is sly; people can be evil as well;
But that is no excuse, however true;
But that's no excuse, no matter how true it is;
In convents all of us should be immured,
In convents, we should all be enclosed,
Till perfectly by Hymen's bands secured.
Till perfectly secured by Hymen's ties.
E'EN I who speak, alas! have troubles met;
E'en I who speak, alas! have troubles met;
Within my bosom oft I feel regret;
Within my heart, I often feel regret;
Three children ere my marriage I had got;
Three children before my marriage I had;
Have I your father told this secret blot?
Have I told your father this secret shame?
Have we together been less happy found?
Have we not been happier together?
The list'ner had no sooner heard the sound,
The listener had barely heard the sound,
But like a man distracted off he flew;
But like a distracted man, he took off.
The saddle's girth, which hazard near him threw;
The saddle's girth, which danger brought close to him;
He took and fastened tightly 'bout his waist,
He took it and secured it tightly around his waist,
Then bawled around and round with anxious haste;
Then shouted back and forth with anxious urgency;
I'm girth'd! d'ye see, completely taken in;
I'm overwhelmed! Do you see, completely taken in;
The people stared, an 'gan to laugh and grin.
The people stared and started to laugh and grin.
Though each was conscious, if the truth were known;
Though each was aware, if the truth was revealed;
The ridicule in turn might be his own.
The ridicule might actually be his own.
BOTH husbands madly ran from cross to square,
BOTH husbands frantically ran from the cross to the square,
And with their foolish clamours rent the air;
And with their silly shouting filled the air;
I'm saddled, hooted one; I'm girth'd, said this;
I'm burdened, hooted one; I'm strapped in, said this;
The latter some perhaps will doubt, and hiss;
The latter some might doubt and boo;
Such things however should not be disbelieved
Such things, however, should not be doubted.
For instance, recollect (what's well received),
For example, remember (what's valued),
When Roland learned the pleasures and the charms;
When Roland discovered the pleasures and the charms;
His rival, in the grot, had in his arms,
His rival, in the cave, had in his arms,
With fist he gave his horse so hard a blow,
With his fist, he hit his horse so hard,
It sunk at once to realms of poignant woe.
It immediately descended into deep sorrow.
Might he not, training, round the hapless beast,
Might he not, while training, circle the unfortunate animal,
From weight of saddle have its back released,
From the weight of the saddle, its back has been freed,
And putting it upon his own, have cried,
And putting it on himself, have yelled,
I'm saddled, I'm girth'd, and much beside;
I'm weighed down, I've got my gear on, and so much more;
(No matter this or that, since each is good,)
(No matter this or that, since each is good,)
Which Echo would repeat from hill to wood?
Which Echo would bounce back from hill to forest?
You see that truth may be discovered here;
You see that the truth can be found here;
That's not enough; its object should appear;
That's not enough; its purpose should be clear;
And that I'll show as further we proceed;
And I'll demonstrate that as we move forward;
Your full attention I of course shall need.
I'll definitely need your full attention.
THE happy Damon clearly seems to me,
THE happy Damon clearly seems to me,
As poor a thing as any we shall see;
As bad as anything we’ll see;
His confidence would soon have spoiled the whole,
His confidence would soon ruin everything,
To leave a belle like this without control!
To leave a beauty like this without supervision!
Her simplicity I much admire:—
I really admire her simplicity:—
Confess herself to spouse, as if a friar!
Confess to her spouse, like a monk!
What silliness! imprudence is a word,
What nonsense! Impudence is a real word,
Which here to use would truly be absurd.
Which one to use here would really be ridiculous.
To my discourse two heads alone remain;
To my talk, only two main points remain;
The marriage vow you always should maintain;
The marriage vow you should always keep;
Its faith the pair should ever keep in view:
Its faith the pair should always keep in mind:
The path of honour steadily pursue.
The path of honor is pursued steadily.
If some mishap howe'er should chance to glide;
If some accident were to happen;
And make you limp on one or t'other side,
And make you limp on one side or the other,
Endeavour, of the fault, to make the best,
Endeavor, to fix the mistake, to make the best,
And keep the secret locked within your breast;
And keep the secret locked inside you;
Your own consideration never lose;
Never lose your own consideration;
Untruth 'tis pardonable then to use.
Untruth is forgivable to use then.
No doubt my pages nice advice supply;
No doubt my pages offer good advice;
Is't what I've followed?—No, you may rely!
Is it what I've followed?—No, you can trust me!
THE CONTRACT
Original
THE husband's dire mishap, and silly maid,
THE husband's serious accident, and foolish maid,
In ev'ry age, have proved the fable's aid;
In every age, the fable's help has been proven;
The fertile subject never will be dry:
The productive topic will never run out.
'Tis inexhaustible, you may rely.
It's limitless, you can count on it.
No man's exempt from evils such as these:—
No one is exempt from evils like these:—
Who thinks himself secure, but little sees.
Who thinks he's safe, but doesn't see much.
One laughs at sly intrigues who, ere 'tis long,
One laughs at sneaky schemes that, before long,
May, in his turn, be sneered at by the throng:
May, in turn, might be mocked by the crowd:
With such vicissitudes, to be cast down,
With such ups and downs, to be brought low,
Appears rank nonsense worthy Folly's crown.
Appears like complete nonsense deserving of the crown of foolishness.
He, whose adventures I'm about to write,
He, whose adventures I'm about to share,
In his mischances,—found what gave delight.
In his misfortunes, he discovered what brought him joy.
A CERTAIN Citizen, with fortune large,
A CERTAIN Citizen, with a great fortune,
When settled with a handsome wife in charge,
When settled down with an attractive wife in charge,
Not long attended for the marriage fruit:
Not long after, the marriage bore fruit:
The lady soon put matters 'yond dispute;
The lady quickly settled the matter.
Produced a girl at first, and then a boy,
Produced a girl first, and then a boy,
To fill th' expecting parent's breast with joy.
To fill the expecting parent's heart with joy.
THE son, when grown of size, a tutor had,
THE son, when he grew up, had a tutor,
No pedant rude, with Greek and Latin mad,
No rude know-it-all, obsessed with Greek and Latin,
But young and smart, a master too of arts,
But young and clever, also a master of the arts,
Particularly learned in what imparts,
Especially knowledgeable in what provides,
The gentle flame, the pleasing poignant pang,
The soft flame, the comforting bittersweet ache,
That Ovid formerly so sweetly sang.
That Ovid used to sing so beautifully.
Some knowledge of good company he'd got;
Some knowledge of good company he had.
A charming voice and manner were his lot;
A charming voice and demeanor were his gifts;
And if we may disclose the mystick truth,
And if we can reveal the hidden truth,
'Twas Cupid who preceptor made the youth.
'Twas Cupid who taught the young man.
He with the brother solely took a place,
He and his brother took a spot together,
That better he the sister's charms might trace;
That he might better recognize his sister's charms;
And under this disguise he fully gained
And under this disguise, he completely gained
What he desired, so well his part he feigned:
What he wanted, he pretended so well:
An able master, or a lover true,
An able master, or a true lover,
To teach or sigh, whichever was in view,
To teach or to sigh, whichever was on the table,
So thoroughly he could attention get,
So well he could grab attention,
Success alike in ev'ry thing he met.
Success in everything he faced.
IN little time the boy could construe well
IN little time the boy could understand well
The odes of Horace:—Virgil's fable tell;
The odes of Horace:—Virgil's fable tells;
And she whose beauty caught the tutor's eyes,
And she whose beauty caught the tutor's attention,
A perfect mistress got of heaving sighs.
A perfect mistress has deep sighs.
So oft she practised what the master taught,
So often she practiced what the teacher taught,
Her stomach feeble grew, whate'er was sought;
Her stomach grew weak, whatever was desired;
And strange suspicions of the cause arose,
And unusual doubts about the cause came up,
Which Time at length was driven to disclose.
Which Time eventually had to reveal.
MOST terribly the father raged and swore;
MOST terribly the father yelled and cursed;
Our learned master, frightened, left the door,
Our knowledgeable teacher, scared, exited the door,
The lady wished to take the youth for life;
The lady wanted to take the young man for life;
The spark desired to make the girl his wife;
The spark wanted to make the girl his wife;
Both had the Hymeneal knot in view,
Both were focused on the wedding bond,
And mutual soft affection fondly knew.
And they knew each other's gentle affection well.
At present love is little more than name:
At the moment, love is just a label:
In matrimony, gold's the only aim.
In marriage, wealth is the only goal.
The belle was rich, while he had nothing got;
The beautiful woman was wealthy, while he had nothing at all;
For him 'twas great:—for her a narrow lot.
For him, it was great; for her, it was a limited life.
O DIRE corruption, age of wretched ways!
O dire corruption, age of miserable ways!
What strange caprice such management displays!
What a weird mood that management shows!
Shall we permit this fatal pow'r to reign?
Shall we allow this deadly power to take control?
Base int'rest's impulse: hideous modern stain;
Base interest's impulse: ugly modern mark;
The curse of ev'ry tender soft delight,
The curse of every gentle, soft pleasure,
That charms the soul and fascinates the sight.
That enchants the spirit and captivates the eye.
BUT truce to moral; let's our tale resume;
BUT let's put morals aside; let's get back to our story;
The daughter scared; the father in a fume;
The daughter was scared; the father was furious;
What could be done the evil to repair,
What could be done to fix the harm caused,
And hide the sad misfortune of the fair?
And hide the sad misfortune of the beautiful?
What method seek?—They married her in haste;
What method are you looking for?—They rushed to marry her;
But not to him who had the belle debased,
But not to the one who had the beautiful woman degraded,
For reasons I've sufficiently detailed;
For reasons I've explained thoroughly;
To gain her hand a certain wight prevailed,
To win her hand, a certain guy succeeded,
Who store of riches relished far above
Who stored wealth cherished far above
The charms of beauty, warmed with fondest love.
The allure of beauty, embraced with deepest love.
Save this the man might well enough be thought:
Save this, the man might be thought to be doing just fine:
In family and wealth just what was sought;
In family and wealth, that’s exactly what was desired;
But whether fool or not, I cannot trace,
But whether a fool or not, I can't tell,
Since he was unacquainted with the case;
Since he wasn't familiar with the case;
And if he'd known it, was the bargain bad?
And if he had known, was the deal really that bad?
Full twenty thousand pounds he with her had
Full twenty thousand pounds he had with her.
A sprightly youthful wife to ease his care,
A lively young wife to lighten his worries,
And with him ev'ry luxury to share.
And with him every luxury to share.
HOW many tempted by the golden ore,
HOW many tempted by the shiny gold,
Have taken wives whose slips they know before;
Have taken wives whose past mistakes they are aware of;
And this good man the lady chaste believed,
And this good man, the pure lady believed,
So truly well she managed and deceived.
So skillfully she managed and tricked.
But when four months had passed, the fair-one showed.
But after four months had gone by, the beautiful one appeared.
How very much she to her lessons owed;
How much she owed to her lessons;
A little girl arrived: the husband stared
A little girl arrived: the husband stared
Cried he, what father of a child declared!
Cried he, what father of a child declared!
The time's too short: four months! I'm taken in!
The time is too short: four months! I'm being fooled!
A family should not so soon begin.
A family shouldn't start so early.
AWAY he to the lady's father flew,
AWAY he flew to the lady's father,
And of his shame a horrid picture drew;
And from his shame, a terrifying image was created;
Proposed to be divorced: much rage disclosed;
Proposed for divorce: a lot of anger revealed;
The parent smiled and said, pray be composed;
The parent smiled and said, please stay calm;
Speak not so loud: we may be overheard,
Speak quietly: someone might hear us,
And privacy is much to be preferred.
And privacy is definitely the better choice.
A son-in-law, like you, I once appeared,
A son-in-law, like you, I once showed up,
And similar misfortune justly feared;
And similar misfortune is rightly feared;
Complaint I made, and mentioned a divorce;
Complaint I made, and mentioned divorce;
Of heat and rage the ordinary course.
Of heat and anger, the usual path.
THE father of my wife, who's now no more,
THE father of my wife, who's no longer here,
(Heav'n guard his soul, the loss I oft deplore,)
(Heaven protect his soul, I often mourn the loss,)
A prudent honest man as any round,
A careful, honest man like anyone else,
To calm my mind, a nice specifick found;
To relax my mind, I found a nice specific thing;
The pill was rather bitter, I admit;
The pill was pretty bitter, I admit;
But gilding made it for the stomach fit,
But gilding made it suitable for the stomach,
Which he knew how to manage very well:
Which he knew how to handle very well:
No doctor in it him could e'er excel;
No doctor in it could ever outshine him;
To satisfy my scruples he displayed
To ease my concerns, he showed
A CONTRACT (duly stamped and ably made),
A CONTRACT (properly stamped and well-crafted),
Four thousand to secure, which he had got,
Four thousand to secure, which he had received,
On similar occasion for a blot;
On a similar occasion for a mistake;
His lady's father gave it to efface
His girlfriend's dad gave it to erase.
Domestick diff'rences and like disgrace:
Domestic issues and similar disgrace:
With this my spouse's fortune he increased;
With this, my spouse's fortune grew;
And instantly my dire complaining ceased.
And immediately my serious complaining stopped.
From family to family the deed
From family to family, the action
Should pass, 'twill often prove a useful meed;
Should it pass, it will often turn out to be a useful reward;
I kept it for the purpose:—do the same
I kept it for that reason:—do the same
Your daughter, married, may have equal blame.
Your married daughter might share equal blame.
On this the son-in-law the bond received,
On this, the son-in-law received the bond,
And, with a bow, departed much relieved.
And, with a bow, left feeling much relieved.
MAY Heav'n preserve from trouble those who find,
MAY Heaven protect from trouble those who discover,
At cheaper rate, to be consoled inclined.
At a lower price, to feel comforted.
THE QUID PRO QUO;
OR THE MISTAKES
Original
DAME FORTUNE often loves a laugh to raise,
DAME FORTUNE often enjoys a good laugh to elevate,
And, playing off her tricks and roguish ways,
And, building on her clever pranks and mischievous ways,
Instead of giving us what we desire,
Instead of giving us what we want,
Mere quid pro quo permits us to acquire.
Mere quid pro quo allows us to gain.
I've found her gambols such from first to last,
I've found her antics the same from start to finish,
And judge the future by experience past.
And evaluate the future based on past experiences.
Fair Cloris and myself felt mutual flame;
Fair Cloris and I felt a mutual spark;
And, when a year had run, the sprightly dame
And, after a year had passed, the lively woman
Prepared to grant me, if I may be plain,
Prepared to grant me, if I can be straightforward,
Some slight concessions that would ease my pain.
Some small compromises that would make things easier for me.
This was her aim; but whatsoe'er in view,
This was her goal; but whatever was in sight,
'Tis opportunity we should pursue;
It's opportunity we should pursue;
The lover, who's discreet, will moments seize;
The discreet lover will seize the moments;
And ev'ry effort then will tend to please.
And every effort will aim to please.
ONE eve I went this charming fair to see;
ONE evening I went to this lovely fair to see;
The husband happened (luckily for me)
The husband happened to be around (thankfully for me)
To be abroad; but just as it was night
To be overseas; but just as night fell
The master came, not doubting all was right;
The master came, confident that everything was fine;
No Cloris howsoe'er was in the way;
No Cloris was in the way;
A servant girl, of disposition gay,
A happy young maid,
Well known to me, with pretty smiling face,
Well known to me, with a pretty smile,
'Tis said, was led to take her lady's place.
'Tis said, she was led to take her lady's place.
The mistress' loss for once was thus repaid;
The mistress's loss was finally compensated;
The barter mutual:—wife against the maid.
The trade-off: wife for maid.
WITH many tales like this the books abound;
WITH many stories like this, the books are filled;
But able hands are necessary found,
But skilled hands are crucial.
To place the incidents, arrange the whole,
To organize the events, put everything in order,
That nothing may be forced nor feel control.
That nothing should be forced or feel controlled.
The urchin blind, who sees enough to lay
The urchin blind, who sees enough to lay
His num'rous snares, such tricks will often play.
His many traps will often trick you.
The CRADLE in Boccace excels the most,
The CRADLE in Boccace stands out the most,
As to myself I do not mean to boast,
As for me, I don’t intend to brag,
But fear, a thousand places, spite of toil,
But fear, in a thousand places, despite hard work,
By him made excellent, my labours spoil.
By him made excellent, my labors spoil.
'Tis time howe'er with preface to have done,
'Tis time, however, with a preface to be finished,
And show, by some new turn, or piece of fun,
And demonstrate, through some fresh twist or amusing event,
(While easy numbers from my pencil flow,)
(While easy numbers from my pencil flow,)
Of Fortune and of Love the quid pro quo.
Of fortune and love, the give and take.
In proof, we'll state what happened at Marseilles:
In proof, we'll explain what happened in Marseille:
The story is so true, no doubt prevails.
The story is absolutely true; there’s no doubt about it.
THERE Clidamant, whose proper name my verse,
THERE Clidamant, whose real name my verse,
Prom high respect, refuses to rehearse,
Prom high respect, refuses to rehearse,
Lived much at ease: not one a wife had got,
Lived comfortably: not one of them had a wife.
Throughout the realm, who was so nice a lot,
Throughout the realm, who was so nice a lot,
Her virtues, temper, and seraphick charms,
Her virtues, temperament, and angelic charm,
Should have secured the husband to her arms;
Should have held her husband close;
But he was not to constancy inclined;
But he wasn't really the type to be consistent;
The devil's crafty; snares has often twined
The devil is clever; traps have often been set.
Around and round, with ev'ry subtle art,
Around and around, with every subtle skill,
When love of novelty he would impart.
When he shared his love for new experiences.
THE lady had a maid, whose form and size,
THE lady had a maid, whose shape and size,
Height, easy manners, action, lips, and eyes,
Height, friendly demeanor, movement, lips, and eyes,
Were thought to be so very like her own,
Were thought to be so much like her own,
That one from t'other scarcely could be known;
That one from the other hardly could be recognized;
The mistress was the prettiest of the two;
The mistress was the prettier of the two;
But, in a mask where much escapes the view,
But, in a mask where a lot goes unseen,
'Twas very difficult a choice to make,
It was a very difficult choice to make,
And feel no doubts which better 'twere to take.
And feel no doubts about which option would be better to choose.
THE Marseillesian husband, rather gay,
The cheerful husband from Marseilles,
With mistress Alice was disposed to play;
With mistress Alice was eager to play;
(For such was called the maid we just have named;)
(For that was the name of the maid we just mentioned;)
To show coquettish airs the latter aimed,
To put on flirtatious airs, the latter aimed,
And met his wishes with reproof severe;
And met his wishes with harsh criticism;
But to his plan the lover would adhere,
But the lover would stick to his plan,
And promised her at length a pretty sum:
And eventually promised her a decent amount:
A hundred crowns, if to his room she'd come.
A hundred crowns, if she came to his room.
To pay the girl with kindness such as this,
To pay the girl with kindness like this,
In my opinion, was not much amiss.
In my opinion, there wasn't much wrong.
At that rate what should be the mistress' price?
At that rate, what should the mistress charge?
Perhaps still less: she might not be so nice.
Perhaps even less: she might not be that nice.
But I mistake; the lady was so coy,
But I was wrong; the lady was so shy,
No spark, whatever art he could employ,
No spark, no matter what skills he could use,
How cleverly soe'er he laid the snare,
How cleverly he set the trap,
Would have succeeded, spite of ev'ry care.
Would have succeeded, despite every worry.
Nor presents nor attentions would have swayed;
Nor presents nor attention would have swayed;
Should I have mentioned presents as an aid?
Should I have mentioned gifts as a way to help?
Alas! no longer these are days of old!
Alas! these are no longer the days of the past!
By Love both nymph and shepherdess are sold;
By Love, both nymphs and shepherdesses are bought and sold;
He sets the price of many beauties rare;
He determines the value of many rare beauties;
This was a god;—now nothing but a mayor.
This was a god;—now just a mayor.
O ALTERED times! O customs how depraved!
O changed times! O how twisted the customs!
At first fair Alice frowardly behaved;
At first, fair Alice behaved stubbornly;
But in the sequel 'gan to change her way,
But in the sequel, she began to change her ways,
And said, her mistress, as the foll'wing day,
And said, her mistress, the following day,
A certain remedy to take designed;
A specific remedy to take was designed;
That, in the morning then, if so inclined,
That, in the morning, if they feel like it,
They could at leisure in the cavern meet;—
They could leisurely meet in the cave;—
The plan was pleasing: all appeared discreet.
The plan was appealing: everything seemed subtle.
THE servant, having to her mistress said,
THE servant, having said to her mistress,
What projects were in view: what nets were spread;
What projects were planned: what nets were set up;
The females, 'tween themselves, a plot contrived,
The women, among themselves, came up with a plan,
Of Quid pro quo, against the hour arrived.
Of quid pro quo, against the hour arrived.
The husband of the trick was ne'er aware,
The husband of the trick was never aware,
So much the mistress had her servant's air;
So much the mistress had her servant's demeanor;
But if he had, what then? no harm of course;
But if he had, what then? No harm, of course;
She might have lectured him with double force.
She could have lectured him even more strongly.
NEXT day but one, gay Clidamant, whose joy
NEXT day but one, cheerful Clidamant, whose happiness
Appeared so great, 'twas free from all alloy,
Appeared so great, it was free from all imperfections,
By hazard met a friend, to whom he told
By chance, he ran into a friend, to whom he told
(Most indiscreetly) what to him was sold;
(Most indiscreetly) what was sold to him;
How Cupid favoured what he most required,
How Cupid favored what he needed most,
And freely granted all he had desired.
And generously gave him everything he wanted.
Though large the blessing, yet he grudged the cost;
Though the blessing was great, he resented the price.
The sum gave pain: a hundred crowns were lost!
The total hurt: a hundred crowns were lost!
The friend proposed they should at once decide,
The friend suggested they should decide right away,
The charge and pleasure 'tween them to divide.
The excitement and joy between them to share.
Our husband thought his purse not over strong,
Our husband thought his wallet wasn't very strong,
That saving fifty crowns would not be wrong.
That saving fifty crowns wouldn't be a bad idea.
But then, on t'other hand, to lend the fair,
But then, on the other hand, to lend the fair,
In ev'ry view had got an awkward air;
In every view, it had an awkward vibe;
Would she, as was proposed, consent to two?
Would she, as suggested, agree to two?
To keep things secret would their lips be true?
To keep things secret, would their lips be honest?
Or was it fair to sacrifice her charms,
Or was it fair to sacrifice her beauty,
And lay her open thus to dire alarms?
And expose her like this to terrible fears?
THE friend this difficulty soon removed,
THE friend quickly resolved this issue,
And represented that the cavern proved
And stated that the cave showed
So very dark, the girl would be deceived;
So dark, the girl would be misled;
With one more shrewd the trick might be achieved.
With one more clever move, the trick might be pulled off.
Sufficient howsoever it would be,
Sufficient no matter how it is,
If they by turns, and silent, could agree
If they could agree silently, in turn
To meet the belle, and leave to Love the rest,
To meet the beauty, and let Love take care of the rest,
From whom they hoped assistance if distressed.
From whom they hoped to get help if they were in trouble.
Such silence to observe no hurt could do,
Such silence to see that nothing could be harmed,
And Alice would suppose, a prudent view
And Alice would think, a sensible perspective
Retained the tongue, since walls have often ears,
Retained the tongue, since walls often have ears,
And, being mum, expressive was of fears.
And, being silent, expressed was of fears.
WHEN thus the two gallants their plan had laid,
WHEN the two gentlemen had made their plan,
And ev'ry promised pleasure fully weighed,
And every promised pleasure fully considered,
They to the husband's mansion made their way,
They made their way to the husband's mansion,
Where yet the wife between the bed-clothes lay.
Where the wife lay between the bedcovers.
The servant girl was near her mistress found;
The servant girl was close to her mistress.
Her dress was plain: no finery around;
Her dress was simple: no fancy details.
In short, 'twas such that, when the moment came;
In short, it was such that when the moment came;
To fail the meeting could not be her aim.
To miss the meeting couldn't be her goal.
THE friends disputed which the lead should take,
THE friends argued about who should take the lead,
And strong pretentions both appeared to make;
And strong pretensions both seemed to make;
The husband, honours home would not allow:
The husband, home would not allow:
Such compliments were out of fashion now.
Such compliments are out of style now.
To settle this, at length three dice they took;
To resolve this, they finally took three dice;
The friend was highest placed in Fortune's book.
The friend was at the top of Fortune's list.
The both together to the cavern flew,
The two of them flew together to the cave,
And for the servant soon impatient grew;
And the servant quickly became impatient;
But Alice never came, and in her room
But Alice never showed up, and in her room
The mistress, softly treading 'mid the gloom,
The mistress, gently walking through the darkness,
The necessary signal gently gave,
The necessary signal subtly indicated,
On which she entered presently the cave,
On which she soon entered the cave,
And this so suddenly, no time was found
And this happened so suddenly, there was no time to be found.
To make remarks on change or errors round,
To comment on changes or mistakes made,
Or any diff'rence 'tween the friend and spouse;
Or any difference between the friend and spouse;
In short, before suspicions 'gan to rouse,
In short, before suspicions began to arise,
Or alteration lent the senses aid:—
Or change enhanced the senses:—
To LOVE, a sacrifice was fully made.
To LOVE, a complete sacrifice was made.
The lucky wight more pleasure would have felt,
The lucky person would have felt even more pleasure,
If sensible he'd been with whom he dealt:
If he had been sensible with whom he was dealing:
The mistress rather more of beauty had,
The mistress had quite a bit more beauty,
And QUALITY of course must something add.
And QUALITY, of course, must add something.
THIS scene just ended, t'other actor came,
THIS scene just ended, the other actor came,
Whose prompt arrival much surprised the dame,
Whose sudden arrival surprised the lady,
For, as a husband, Clidamant had ne'er
For, as a husband, Clidamant had never
Such ardour shown, he seemed beyond his sphere.
Such passion was displayed, he seemed out of his league.
The lady to the girl imputed this,
The woman accused the girl of this,
And thought, to hint it, would not be amiss.
And I thought that giving a hint wouldn't hurt.
THE entertainment o'er, away they went
After the show, they left.
To quit the dark abode they were intent.
They were determined to leave the dark place.
The partner in amour repaired above;
The above love partner;
But when the husband saw his wedded love
But when the husband saw his married love
Ascend the stairs, and she the friend perceived,
Ascend the stairs, and she saw her friend,
We well may judge how bosoms beat and heaved.
We can certainly tell how hearts race and swell.
THE master of the house conceived it best
THE master of the house thought it was best
To keep the whole a secret in his breast.
To keep it all a secret inside him.
But to discover ALL, his lovely rib
But to discover EVERYTHING, his lovely rib
Appeared disposed, though wives can often fib;
Appeared willing, although wives can often lie;
The silliest of the throng (or high or low),
The silliest of the crowd (regardless of status),
Most perfectly the science seem to know.
Most perfectly, science seems to know.
SOME will pretend that Alice, in her heart
SOME will pretend that Alice, in her heart
Was sorry she had acted such a part,
Was sorry she had acted that way,
And not a better method sought to gain
And no better way was found to achieve
The money which had caused her master's pain;
The money that had caused her master's pain;
Lamented much the case, and tried to please
Lamented a lot about the situation and tried to make things better.
By ev'ry means that might his trouble ease.
By every means that could ease his trouble.
But this is merely with design to make
But this is just meant to make
The tale a more impressive feature take.
The story has something more impressive about it.
TWO questions may agitate around;
Two questions may arise;
The one, if 'mong the brotherhood renowned,
The one, if among the brotherhood famous,
The husband, who thus felt disgraced,
The husband, feeling embarrassed,
Should (with the usual ornaments) be placed?
Should it be placed (with the usual decorations)?
But I no grounds for such conclusion see:
But I have no reason to come to such a conclusion:
Both friend and wife were from suspicion free;
Both the friend and the wife were beyond suspicion;
Of one another they had never thought,
Of each other, they had never thought,
Though in the mystick scene together brought.
Though in the mysterious scene brought together.
The other is:—Should she, who was misused,
The other is:—Should she, who was mistreated,
Have sought revenge for being so abused?
Have you sought revenge for being mistreated?
Though this sufficiently I have maintained,
Though I have adequately maintained this,
The lady inconsolable remained.
The woman remained inconsolable.
HEAV'N guard the FAIR, who meet with ills like these,
HEAVEN protect the FAIR, who encounter troubles like these,
And nothing can their wounded minds appease:
And nothing can soothe their hurting minds:
I many know howe'er, who would but laugh,
I may know, however, who would just laugh,
And treat such accidents as light as chaff.
And treat such accidents as lightly as chaff.
But I have done: no more of that or this;
But I've done that: no more of this or that;
May ev'ry belle receive her lot of bliss!
May every beautiful woman receive her share of happiness!
THE DRESS-MAKER
Original
A CLOISTERED nun had a lover
A sheltered nun had a lover
Dwelling in the neighb'ring town;
Living in the nearby town;
Both racked their brains to discover
Both racked their brains to figure out
How they best their love might crown.
How they can best celebrate their love.
The swain to pass the convent-door!—
The young man to walk past the convent door!—
No easy matter!—Thus they swore,
No easy task!—So they swore,
And wished it light.—I ne'er knew a nun
And wished it light.—I never knew a nun
In such a pass to be outdone:—
In such a situation to be outdone:—
In woman's clothes the youth must dress,
In women's clothes, the young man must dress,
And gain admission. I confess
And get in. I confess
The ruse has oft been tried before,
The trick has been attempted many times before,
But it succeeded as of yore.
But it succeeded just like it used to.
Together in a close barred cell
Together in a small, locked cell
The lovers were, and sewed all day,
The lovers were, and sewed all day,
Nor heeded how time flew away.—
Nor did he pay attention to how time flew by.—
“What's that I hear? Refection bell!
“What's that I hear? Reflection bell!
“'Tis time to part. Adieu!—Farewell!—
"Time to say goodbye. Adieu!"
“How's this?” exclaimed the abbess, “why
“How’s this?” exclaimed the abbess, “why
“The last at table?”—“Madam, I
“The last at the table?”—“Madam, I
“Have had my dress-maker.”—“The rent
“Have had my tailor.”—“The rent
“On which you've both been so intent
“On which you've both been so focused
“Is hard to stop, for the whole day
“It's hard to stop for the whole day.”
“To sew and mend, you made her stay;
“To sew and mend, you made her stay;
“Much work indeed you've had to do!
“Wow, you've really had a lot of work to do!
“—Madam, 't would last the whole night through,
“—Madam, it would last the whole night through,
“When in our task we find enjoyment
“When we find enjoyment in our work,
“There is no end of the employment.”
“There is no end to the employment.”
THE GASCON
I AM always inclined to suspect
I always tend to suspect
The best story under the sun
The best story in the world
As soon as by chance I detect
As soon as I accidentally notice
That teller and hero are one.
That teller and hero are the same person.
We're all of us prone to conceit,
We can all be arrogant.
And like to proclaim our own glory,
And we like to celebrate our own achievements,
But our purpose we're apt to defeat
But we tend to undermine our purpose
As actors in chief of our story.
As the main characters in our story.
To prove the truth of what I state
To prove the accuracy of what I'm saying
Let me an anecdote relate:
Let me share an anecdote:
A Gascon with his comrade sat
A Gascon sat with his friend
At tavern drinking. This and that
At the bar, having drinks. This and that.
He vaunted with assertion pat.
He bragged with a smug tone.
From gasconade to gasconade
From boast to boast
Passed to the conquests he had made
Passed to the victories he had achieved
In love. A buxom country maid,
In love. A curvy country girl,
Who served the wine, with due attention
Who poured the wine, with proper care
Lent patient ear to each invention,
Lent a patient ear to each idea,
And pressed her hands against her side
And pressed her hands against her hip
Her bursting merriment to hide.
Her laughter couldn't be contained.
To hear our Gascon talk, no Sue
To hear our Gascon talk, no Sue
Nor Poll in town but that he knew;
Nor Poll in town that he didn't know;
With each he'd passed a blissful night
With each, he had a wonderful night.
More to their own than his delight.
More to them than his pleasure.
This one he loved for she was fair,
This one he loved because she was beautiful,
That for her glossy ebon hair.
That for her shiny black hair.
One miss, to tame his cruel rigour,
One mistake, to soften his harshness,
Had brought him gifts.—She owned his vigour
Had brought him gifts.—She possessed his vigor
In short it wanted but his gaze
In short, it just needed his gaze.
To set each trembling heart ablaze.
To inspire every trembling heart.
His strength surpassed his luck,—the test—
His strength was greater than his luck,—the test—
In one short night ten times he'd blessed
In just one short night, he had blessed ten times.
A dame who gratefully expressed
A woman who gratefully expressed
Her thanks with corresponding zest.
Her enthusiastic thanks.
At this the maid burst forth, “What more?
At this, the maid exclaimed, “What else?
“I never heard such lies before!
“I’ve never heard such lies before!
“Content were I if at that sport
“Content would I be if I were at that sport.
“I had what that poor dame was short.”
“I had what that poor woman was missing.”
THE PITCHER
Original
THE simple Jane was sent to bring
THE simple Jane was sent to bring
Fresh water from the neighb'ring spring;
Fresh water from the nearby spring;
The matter pressed, no time to waste,
The matter was urgent, no time to waste,
Jane took her jug, and ran in haste
Jane grabbed her jug and hurried off.
The well to reach, but in her flurry
The well to reach, but in her flurry
(The more the speed the worse the hurry),
(The faster you go, the more rushed you feel),
Tripped on a rolling stone, and broke
Tripped on a loose stone and broke
Her precious pitcher,—ah! no joke!
Her valuable pitcher—no kidding!
Nay, grave mishap! 'twere better far
Nay, serious mistake! It would be much better
To break her neck than such a jar!
To break her neck rather than deal with such a shock!
Her dame would beat and soundly rate her,
Her lady would scold and sharply reprimand her,
No way could Jane propitiate her.
No way could Jane win her over.
Without a sou new jug to buy!
Without a cent, I can't buy a new jug!
'Twere better far for her to die!
'T would be much better for her to die!
O'erwhelmed by grief and cruel fears
O overwhelmed by grief and cruel fears
Unhappy Jane burst into tears
Upset Jane burst into tears
“I can't go home without the delf,”
“I can't go home without the dishes,”
Sobbed Jane, “I'd rather kill myself;
Sobbed Jane, “I’d rather die;
“So here am I resolved to die.”
“Here I am, determined to die.”
A friendly neighbour passing by
A friendly neighbor passing by
O'erheard our damsel's lamentation;
Heard our girl's lament;
And kindly offered consolation:
And kindly offered comfort:
“If death, sweet maiden, be thy bent,
“If death, sweet maiden, is what you want,
“I'll aid thee in thy sad intent.”
"I'll help you with your sad plan."
Throwing her down, he drew his dirk,
Throwing her down, he pulled out his knife,
And plunged it in the maid,—a work
And plunged it into the maid—a task
You'll say was cruel,—not so Jane,
You'll say was cruel—not Jane, though,
Who even seemed to like the pain,
Who even seemed to enjoy the pain,
And hoped to be thus stabbed again.
And hoped to be stabbed like that again.
Amid the weary world's alarms,
In a tired world's chaos,
For some e'en death will have its charms;
For some, even death will have its appeal;
“If this, my friend, is how you kill,
“If this, my friend, is how you kill,
“Of breaking jugs I'll have my fill!”
“I'm going to have my fill of breaking jugs!”
TO PROMISE IS ONE THING
TO KEEP IT, ANOTHER
Original
JOHN courts Perrette; but all in vain;
JOHN tries to win over Perrette, but it's all in vain;
Love's sweetest oaths, and tears, and sighs
Love's sweetest promises, and tears, and sighs
All potent spells her heart to gain
All powerful spells to win her heart
The ardent lover vainly tries:
The passionate lover tries in vain:
Fruitless his arts to make her waver,
Fruitless were his efforts to make her hesitate,
She will not grant the smallest favour:
She won't give the slightest favor:
A ruse our youth resolved to try
A trick our young people decided to attempt
The cruel air to mollify:—
The harsh air to soothe:—
Holding his fingers ten outspread
Holding his fingers ten apart
To Perrette's gaze, and with no dread
To Perrette's eyes, and without fear
“So often,” said he, “can I prove,
“So often,” he said, “I can prove,
“My sweet Perrette, how warm my love.”
"My sweet Perrette, how warm is my love."
When lover's last avowals fail
When a lover's last promises fail
To melt the maiden's coy suspicions
To ease the young woman's shy doubts
A lover's sign will oft prevail
A lover's sign will often succeed
To win the way to soft concessions:
To gain the path to easy agreements:
Half won she takes the tempting bait;
Half won, she takes the tempting bait;
Smiles on him, draws her lover nearer,
Smiles at him, pulls her lover closer,
With heart no longer obdurate
With a heart now open
She teaches him no more to fear her—
She teaches him not to be afraid of her anymore—
A pinch,—a kiss,—a kindling eye,—
A pinch, a kiss, a spark.
Her melting glances,—nothing said.—
Her melting glances—no words exchanged.—
John ceases not his suit to ply
John doesn't stop trying to pursue.
Till his first finger's debt is paid.
Till his first finger's debt is paid.
A second, third and fourth he gains,
A second, third, and fourth he gains,
Takes breath, and e'en a fifth maintains.
Takes a breath, and even a fifth stays.
But who could long such contest wage?
But who could continue such a struggle for long?
Not I, although of fitting age,
Not me, even though I'm the right age,
Nor John himself, for here he stopped,
Nor did John himself, because he stopped here,
And further effort sudden dropped.
And further effort suddenly dropped.
Perrette, whose appetite increased
Perrette, whose appetite grew
just as her lover's vigour ceased,
just as her lover's energy faded,
In her fond reckoning defeated,
In her nostalgic reflection defeated,
Considered she was greatly cheated—
She felt very betrayed—
If duty, well discharged, such blame
If duty is fulfilled properly, such blame
Deserve; for many a highborn dame
Deserve; for many a noble lady
Would be content with such deceit.
Would be fine with such deceit.
But Perrette, as already told,
But Perrette, as already mentioned,
Out of her count, began to scold
Out of her count, she started to scold
And call poor John an arrant cheat
And call poor John a total fraud.
For promising and not performing.
For potential but underperforming.
John calmly listened to her storming,
John calmly listened to her ranting,
And well content with work well done,
And feeling good about a job well done,
Thinking his laurels fairly won,
Thinking he had earned his success,
Cooly replied, on taking leave:
Cooly replied, as he left:
“No cause I see to fume and grieve;
“No reason for me to be upset and mourn;
“Or for such trifle to dispute;
“Or to argue over something so trivial;
“To promise and to execute
"To promise and deliver"
“Are not the same, be it confessed,
“Are not the same, be it confessed,
“Suffice it to have done one's best;
“Suffice it to have done one's best;
“With time I'll yet discharge what's due;
“With time I’ll still fulfill what’s owed;
“Meanwhile, my sweet Perrette, adieu!”
“Meanwhile, my dear Perrette, goodbye!”
THE NIGHTINGALE
Original
NO easy matter 'tis to hold,
NO easy thing it is to hold,
Against its owner's will, the fleece
Against its owner's will, the fleece
Who troubled by the itching smart
Who is bothered by the itchy pain
Of Cupid's irritating dart,
Of Cupid's annoying arrow,
Eager awaits some Jason bold
Eagerly awaits some bold Jason
To grant release.
To give release.
E'en dragon huge, or flaming steer,
E'en dragon huge, or flaming steer,
When Jason's loved will cause no fear.
When Jason's loved ones will cause no fear.
Duennas, grating, bolt and lock,
Duenas, grating, bolt, and lock,
All obstacles can naught avail;
All obstacles are useless;
Constraint is but a stumbling block;
Constraint is just an obstacle;
For youthful ardour must prevail.
For youthful passion must prevail.
Girls are precocious nowadays,
Girls are mature for their age nowadays.
Look at the men with ardent gaze,
Look at the men with intense looks,
And longings' an infinity;
And longings are infinite;
Trim misses but just in their teens
Trim misses but just in their teens
By day and night devise the means
By day and night, come up with the ways
To dull with subtlety to sleep
To gently put to sleep
The Argus vainly set to keep
The Argus tried in vain to keep
In safety their virginity.
In safety, their virginity.
Sighs, smiles, false tears, they'll fain employ
Sighs, smiles, fake tears, they'll gladly use
An artless lover to decoy.
A naïve lover to lure.
I'll say no more, but leave to you,
I'll say no more, but I'll leave it to you,
Friend reader, to pronounce if true
Friend reader, to determine if it's true
What I've asserted when you have heard
What I've said when you've heard
How artful Kitty, caged her bird.
How clever Kitty was to cage her bird.
IN a small town in Italy,
IN a small town in Italy,
The name of which I do not know,
The name of which I don't know,
Young Kitty dwelt, gay, pretty, free,
Young Kitty lived happily, beautifully, and freely,
Varambon's child.—Boccacio
Varambon's kid.—Boccaccio
Omits her mother's name, which not
Omits her mother's name, which not
To you or me imports a jot.
To you or me, it matters a bit.
At fourteen years our Kitty's charms
At fourteen, Kitty is beautiful
Were all that could be wished—plump arms,
Were everything you could want—full arms,
A swelling bosom; on her cheeks
A rising chest; on her cheeks
Roses' and lilies' mingled streaks,
Roses and lilies' mixed hues,
A sparkling eye—all these, you know,
A sparkling eye—all these, you know,
Speak well for what is found below.
Speak positively about what is below.
With such advantages as these
With these advantages
No virgin sure could fail to please,
No virgin could ever disappoint,
Or lack a lover; nor did Kate;
Or not have a lover; neither did Kate;
But little time she had to wait;
But she didn't have to wait long;
One soon appeared to seal her fate.
One quickly showed up to determine her fate.
Young Richard saw her, loved her, wooed her—
Young Richard saw her, loved her, and pursued her—
What swain I ask could have withstood her?
What guy could say no to her?
Soft words, caresses, tender glances,
Soft words, gentle touches, tender looks,
The battery of love's advances,
The surge of love's advances,
Soon lit up in the maiden's breast
Soon ignited in the young woman's heart
The flame which his own heart possessed,
The fire that lived in his heart,
Soon growing to a burning fire
Soon turning into a blazing fire
Of love and mutual desire.
Of love and shared desire.
Desire for what? My reader knows,
Desire for what? My reader knows,
Or if he does not may suppose,
Or if he doesn't, he might think,
And not be very wond'rous wise.
And not be very remarkably wise.
When youthful lovers mingle sighs,
When young lovers share sighs,
Believe me, friend, I am not wrong,
Believe me, friend, I'm not mistaken,
For one thing only do they long.
For just one thing, they yearn.
One check deferred our lover's bliss,
One check postponed our lover's happiness,
A thing quite natural, 'twas this:
A completely natural thing was this:
The mother loved so well her child
The mother loved her child so much.
That, fearful she might be beguiled,
That, worried she might be tricked,
She would not let her out of sight,
She wouldn't take her eyes off her,
A single minute, day or night.
A single minute, day or night.
At mother's apron string all day
At mom's apron string all day
Kate whiled the weary hours away,
Kate passed the tired hours by,
And shared her bed all night. Such love
And shared her bed all night. Such love
In parents we must all approve,
In parents, we must all agree,
Though Catherine, I must confess,
Though I must confess, Catherine,
In place of so much tenderness
In place of so much caring
More liberty would have preferred.
More freedom would have preferred.
To little girls maternal care
To young girls' maternal care
In such excess is right and fair,
In this abundance, everything is just and fair,
But for a lass of fourteen years,
But for a girl of fourteen years,
For whom one need have no such fears,
For whom one doesn’t need to have such fears,
Solicitude is quite absurd,
Solicitude is pretty ridiculous,
And only bores her. Kitty could
And it just bores her. Kitty could
No moment steal, do what she would,
No moment wasted, do what she wanted,
To see her Richard. Sorely vexed
To see her Richard. Very annoyed.
She was, and he still more perplexed.
She was confused, and he was even more so.
In spite of all he might devise
In spite of everything he might come up with
A squeeze, a kiss, quick talk of eyes
A squeeze, a kiss, a brief exchange through our eyes
Was all he could obtain, no more.
Was all he could get, no more.
Bread butterless, a sanded floor,
Bread with no butter, a sandy floor,
It seemed no better. Joy like this
It didn't seem any better. Joy like this
Could not suffice, more sterling bliss
Could not be enough, more pure happiness
Our lovers wished, nor would stop short
Our lovers desired, and they wouldn't hold back
Till they'd obtained the thing they sought.
Till they'd gotten the thing they wanted.
And thus it came about. One day
And that's how it happened. One day
By chance they met, alone, away
By chance, they met, alone, away
From jealous parents. “What's the use;”
From jealous parents. “What's the point;”
Said Richard, “of all our affection?
Said Richard, “of all our love?
“Of love it is a rank abuse,
“Of love, it is a serious misuse,
“And yields me nothing but dejection
“And gives me nothing but sadness
“I see you without seeing you,
“I see you without actually seeing you,
“Must always look another way,
“Always look another way,”
“And if we meet I dare not stay,
“And if we meet, I wouldn’t stay,
“Must ev'ry inclination smother.
“Must every inclination be suppressed.”
“I can't believe your love is true;
“I can't believe your love is real;
“I'll never own you really kind
“I'll never truly own you, kind
“Unless some certain means you find
“Unless you find some specific means
“For us to meet without your mother.”
“For us to meet without your mom.”
Kate answered: “Were it not too plain
Kate replied: “If it weren't so obvious
“How warm my love, another strain
“How warm my love, another strain
“I would employ. In converse vain
“I would employ. In converse vain
“Let us not waste our moments few;
“Let’s not waste our limited moments;
“But think what it were best to do.”
“But think about what would be best to do.”
“If you will please me,” Robert said,
“If you’ll make me happy,” Robert said,
“You must contrive to change your bed,
“You need to find a way to change your bed,
“And have it placed—well, let me see—
“And have it placed—well, let me think—
“Moved to the outer gallery,
"Moved to the main gallery,"
“Where you will be alone and free.
“Where you will be alone and free.
“We there can meet and chat at leisure
“We can meet there and chat at our convenience.”
“While others sleep, nor need we fear,
“While others sleep, we don't need to be afraid,
“Of merry tales I have a treasure
“Of cheerful stories I have a treasure
“To tell, but cannot tell them here.”
“To share, but can't share them here.”
Kate smiled at this for she knew well
Kate smiled at this because she knew well
What sort of tales he had to tell;
What kind of stories he had to share;
But promised she would do her best
But she promised she would do her best.
And soon accomplish his request.
And soon fulfill his request.
It was not easy, you'll admit,
It wasn't easy, right?
But love lends foolish maidens wit;
But love gives silly girls some smarts;
And this is how she managed it.
And this is how she did it.
The whole night long she kept awake,
The whole night long she stayed awake,
Snored, sighed and kicked, as one possessed,
Snored, sighed, and kicked, like someone taken over.
That parents both could get not rest,
That both parents couldn't get any rest,
So much she made the settle shake.
So much she made the couch shake.
This is not strange. A longing girl,
This isn't surprising. A girl who yearns,
With thoughts of sweetheart in her head,
With her sweetheart on her mind,
In bed all night will sleepless twirl.
In bed all night, I’ll toss and turn without sleep.
A flea is in her ear, 'tis said.
A flea is in her ear, it’s said.
The morning broke. Of fleas and heat
The morning began. Of fleas and heat
Kitty complained. “Let me entreat,
Kitty complained. “Please let me beg,
“O mother, I may put my bed
“O mother, I may put my bed
“Out in the gallery,” she said,
“Out in the gallery,” she said,
“'Tis cooler there, and Philomel
"It's cooler there, and Philomel
“Who warbles in the neigh'bring dell
“Who sings in the nearby valley
“Will solace me.” Ready consent
"Will comfort me." Ready consent
The simple mother gave, and went
The simple mother gave and left.
To seek her spouse. “Our Kate, my dear,
To look for her partner. “Our Kate, my dear,
“Will change her bed that she may hear
“Will change her bed so she can hear
“The nightingale, and sleep more cool.”
“The nightingale, and sleep more refreshing.”
“Wife,” said the good man, “You're a fool,
“Wife,” said the good man, “You're being foolish,
“And Kate too with her nightingale;
“And Kate too with her nightingale;
“Don't tell me such a foolish tale.
“Don't tell me such a silly story.
“She must remain. No doubt to-night
“She has to stay. No doubt tonight
“Will fresher be. I sleep all right
“Will be fresher. I sleep fine.”
“In spite of heat, and so can she.
“In spite of the heat, so can she.”
“Is she more delicate than me?”
“Is she more delicate than I am?”
Incensed was Kate by this denial
Incensed was Kate by this denial
After so promising a trial,
After such a promising trial,
Nor would be beat, but firmly swore
Nor would he be beaten, but he firmly swore
To give more trouble than before.
To cause more trouble than before.
That night again no wink she slept
That night she didn’t sleep a wink again.
But groaned and fretted, sighed and wept,
But complained and worried, sighed and cried,
Upon her couch so tossed and turned,
Upon her couch, so tossed and turned,
The anxious mother quite concerned
The worried mother very concerned
Again her husband sought. “Our Kate
Again her husband sought. “Our Kate
“To me seems greatly changed of late.
“To me, it seems greatly changed lately.
“You are unkind,” she said to him,
“You're being unkind,” she said to him,
“To thwart her simple, girlish whim.
“To stop her simple, girlish desire.
“Why may she not her bed exchange,
“Why can’t she change her bed,
“In naught will it the house derange?
“In no way will it disturb the house?
“Placed in the passage she's as near
“Placed in the passage, she's as near
“To us as were she lying here.
“To us as she lies here.
“You do not love your child, and will
You do not love your child, and will
“With your unkindness make her ill.”
“With your unkindness, you make her sick.”
“Pray cease,” the husband cried, “to scold
“Please stop,” the husband shouted, “scolding
“And take your whim. I ne'er could hold
“And take your whim. I never could hold
“My own against a screaming wife;
“My own against a screaming wife;
“You'll drive me mad, upon my life.
"You'll drive me crazy, I swear."
“Her belly-full our Kate may get
“Her belly-full our Kate may get
“Of nightingale or of linnet.”
“Nightingale or linnet.”
The thing was settled. Kate obeyed,
The issue was resolved. Kate complied,
And in a trice her bed was made,
And in an instant her bed was made,
And lover signalled. Who shall say
And the lover signaled. Who can say
How long to both appeared that day,
How long both appeared that day,
That tedious day! But night arrived
That long day! But night came.
And Richard too; he had contrived
And Richard too; he had managed
By ladder, and a servant's aid,
By ladder and with a servant's help,
To reach the chamber of the maid.
To get to the maid's room.
To tell how often they embraced,
To describe how often they hugged,
How changed in form their tenderness,
How different their kindness has become,
Would lead to nothing but a waste
Would lead to nothing but a waste
Of time, my readers will confess.
Of time, my readers will admit.
The longest, most abstruse discourse
The longest, most complex discussion
Would lack precision, want the force
Would lack precision, want the force
Their youthful ardour to portray.
Their youthful passion to portray.
To understand there's but one way—
To understand, there's only one way—
Experience. The nightingale
Experience. The nightingale
Sang all night long his pleasing tale,
Sang his enjoyable story all night long,
And though he made but little noise,
And even though he didn't make much noise,
The lass was satisfied. Her joys
The girl was happy. Her joys
So exquisite that she averred
So amazing that she claimed
The other nightingale, the bird
The other nightingale, the bird
Who warbles to the woods his bliss,
Who sings happily to the woods,
Was but an ass compared with this.
Was just a fool compared to this.
But nature could not long maintain
But nature couldn't hold out for long
Of efforts such as these the strain;
Of efforts like these, the strain;
Their forces spent, the lovers twain
Their energy drained, the two lovers
In fond embrace fell fast asleep
In a loving embrace, they quickly fell asleep.
Just as the dawn began to peep:
Just as the dawn started to break:
The father as he left his bed
The father, as he got out of bed
By curiosity was led
Curiosity led me
To learn if Kitty soundly slept,
To find out if Kitty was sleeping well,
And softly to the passage crept.
And quietly crept to the passage.
“I'll see the influence,” he said,
"I'll see the impact," he said,
“Of nightingale and change of bed.”
“About the nightingale and switching beds.”
With bated breath, upon tip toes,
Holding my breath, on tiptoes,
Close to the couch he cautious goes
Close to the couch, he carefully moves.
Where Kitty lay in calm repose.
Where Kitty lay in peaceful rest.
Excessive heat had made all clothes
Excessive heat had made all clothes
Unbearable. The sleeping pair
Unbearable. The couple sleeping
Had cast them off, and lay as bare
Had cast them off, and lay exposed
As our first happy parents were
As our first joyful parents were
In Paradise. But in the place
In Paradise. But in that place
Of apple, in her willing hand
Of apple, in her eager hand
Kate firmly grasp the magic wand
Kate firmly grasped the magic wand.
Which served to found the human race,
Which served to establish the human race,
The which to name were a disgrace,
The ones to be named were a disgrace,
Though dames the most refined employ it;
Though the most refined women use it;
Desire it, and much enjoy it,
Desire it and really enjoy it.
If good Catullus tells us true.
If the good Catullus is telling the truth.
The father scarce believed his view,
The father could hardly believe what he saw,
But keeping in his bosom pent
But keeping it locked away in his heart
His anger, to his wife he went,
His anger made him go to his wife,
And said, “Get up, and come with me.
And said, “Get up and come with me.
“At present I can plainly see
“At present I can plainly see
“Why Kate had such anxiety
"Why Kate felt so anxious"
“To hear the nightingale, for she
“To hear the nightingale, for she
“To catch the bird so well has planned
“To catch the bird so well has planned
“That now she holds him in her hand.”
“That now she has him in her hand.”
The mother almost wept for glee.
The mother was nearly in tears of joy.
“A nightingale, oh! let me see.
“A nightingale, oh! let me see.
“How large is he, and can he sing,
“How big is he, and can he sing,
“And will he breed, the pretty thing?
“And will he breed, the pretty thing?
“How did she catch him, clever child?”
“How did she catch him, smart kid?”
Despite his grief the good man smiled.
Despite his sadness, the good man smiled.
“Much more than you expect you'll see.
“Way more than you expect you'll see.
“But hold your tongue, and come with me;
“But hold your tongue and come with me;
“For if your chattering is heard,
“For if your chattering is heard,
“Away will fly the timid bird;
“Away will fly the shy bird;
“And you will spoil our daughter's game.”
“And you’re going to ruin our daughter’s game.”
Who was surprised? It was the dame.
Who was surprised? It was the lady.
Her anger burst into a flame
Her anger erupted.
As she the nightingale espied
As she spotted the nightingale
Which Kitty held; she could have cried,
Which Kitty held; she could have cried,
And scolded, called her nasty slut,
And yelled at her, calling her a filthy slut,
And brazen hussey, bitch, and—but
And bold hussy, bitch, and—but
Her husband stopped her. “What's the use
Her husband stopped her. “What’s the point?
“Of all your scolding and abuse?
“Of all your scolding and insults?
“The mischief's done, in vain may you
“The mischief's done, in vain may you
“From now till doomsday fret and stew,
“From now until the end of time, worry and stress,
“Misfortune done you can't undo,
“Misfortune you can't undo,
“But something may be done to mend:
“But something can be done to fix this:
“For notary this instant send,
"Send this now for the notary,"
“Bid holy priest and mayor attend.
“Invite the holy priest and the mayor to attend.”
“For their good offices I wait
“For their good offices, I wait
“To set this nasty matter straight.”
“To sort this unpleasant situation out.”
As he discoursed, Richard awoke,
As he spoke, Richard woke up,
And seeing that the sun had broke,
And seeing that the sun had risen,
These troubled words to Kitty spoke
These troubled words were spoken to Kitty.
“Alas, my love, 'tis broad day light,
“Alas, my love, it's broad daylight,
“How can I now effect my flight?”
“How can I now take my leave?”
“All will go well,” rejoined the sire,
“All will be fine,” replied the lord,
“I will not grumble, my just ire
“I won’t complain, my rightful anger
“Were useless here; you have committed
“Were useless here; you have committed
“A wrong of which to be acquitted,
“A wrong to be cleared of,
“Richard, there is one only way,
“Richard, there is only one way,
“My child you wed without delay.
“My child, you should marry without hesitation.
“She's well brought up, young, full of health
“She's well-raised, young, and full of health.
“If fortune has not granted wealth,
“If luck hasn’t provided wealth,
“Her beauty you do not deny,
"She's undeniably beautiful,"
“So wed her, or prepare to die.”
“So marry her, or get ready to die.”
To hesitate in such a case
To hesitate in such a situation
Would surely have been out of place
Would definitely have felt out of place
The girl he loved to take to wife,
The girl he wanted to marry,
Or in his prime to lose his life,
Or in his prime to lose his life,
The point in truth needs no debate,
The point is clear and doesn't need discussion,
Nor did our Richard hesitate.
Nor did Richard hesitate.
Besides, the most supreme delight
Besides, the ultimate pleasure
Of life he'd tasted one short night,
Of life, he had experienced one brief night,
But one, in lovely Kitty's arms;
But one, in lovely Kitty's embrace;
Could he so soon resign her charms!
Could he really give up her charms so soon!
While Richard, pleased with his escape
While Richard, happy with his escape
From what he feared an awkward scrape,
From what he feared would be an awkward situation,
Was dreaming of his happy choice,
Was dreaming of his happy choice,
Our Kitty, by her father's voice
Our Kitty, according to her dad's voice
Awakened, from her hand let go
Awake, she let go of his hand.
The cause of all her joy and woe,
The reason for all her happiness and sadness,
And round her naked beauties wound
And around her bare beauty wrapped
The sheet picked up from off the ground:
The sheet picked up from the ground:
Meanwhile the notary appears
Meanwhile, the notary arrives.
To put an end to all their fears.
To overcome all their fears.
They wrote, they signed, the sealed—and thus
They wrote, they signed, then sealed it—and so
The wedding ended free from fuss.
The wedding wrapped up without any drama.
They left the happy couple there.
They left the happy couple there.
His satisfaction to declare,
His pleasure to announce,
Thus spoke their father to the pair:
Thus spoke their father to the two:
“Take courage, children, have no care;
"Be brave, kids, don’t worry;"
“The nightingale in cage is pent,
“The nightingale in a cage is trapped,
“May sing now to his heart's content.”
“May now sing to his heart's content.”
Original
EPITAPH OF LA FONTAINE
MADE BY HIMSELF
JOHN, as he came, so went away,
JOHN showed up and then left just like that,
Consuming capital and pay,
Using capital and wages,
Holding superfluous riches cheap;
Holding unnecessary wealth cheaply;
The trick of spending time he knew,
The trick of spending time he understood,
Dividing it in portions two,
Dividing it into two parts,
For idling one, and one for sleep.
For one to relax and one for sleeping.
THE END.
THE END.
PG EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS A beautiful wife? Be cautious of the monks as you would protect your life. Above all, power rules. Stay away from lawyers if you want comfort. But reasoning is useless when your soul is on fire. Treat others how you’d like to be treated. Show affection, and you’ll find it returned. Criticism is endless and always has plenty of topics. Delays are risky, whether in love or war. Every grave is the same. Extremes in everything will tire you out quickly. Favors given with a sullen attitude hardly please. Few take time to think when they can easily deceive. Fools or brutes, whose ideas never make sense. Those who love want to be loved in return. Those who laugh are always welcomed. Her doll was just as well thought out. Historical writing. How could he give what he never received? In childhood, fear is the first lesson we learn! In small towns, everyone sees each step you take. In the middle of society, he was absent from it. Monks are deceitful disguised as virtuous. There’s no greater folly than to intensify pain. No sorrow is too great to be overcome. No pleasure is free from concern, you can count on that. Not overloaded with a wealth of wit. Often, we do what we would prefer not to. Opportunity is hard to recognize—please go learn. Perhaps we owe half our happiness to chance. Possession completely destroyed his passion. He was regarded as almost an idiot by the crowd. Out of sight, but few grieve for lovers. Just the sight of food brings on hunger. Some showiness always comes with grief. The eyes: a soul-revealing language, nothing can hide it. The god of love and wisdom never agree. It’s best to say less about such misfortunes. The more I think about this, the less I understand. The complaint is always bigger than the actual sorrow. The promises made by kings are just illusions. The desire to please is always the same. Those who cry the most are the first to find relief. Though expectations often vanish. It’s all the same: it won’t ever make me sad. It’s beyond our power to live on love or air. To avoid the tempting bait, it’s much better not to sit at the table. You may profess too much. It would be wrong to feed our hopes with empty desires. I always wished to know faraway places. We can hardly find good without some flaw. When husbands seemed to need help. When mourning is just a change of clothes. When passion drives, few obstacles can block. While good, if spoken, is hardly ever believed. Those who know too much often lack common sense. Those who only make friends to gain support. Who would want to make Boccaccio as modest as Virgil? Who, destined for hanging, has ever drowned? A beautiful, witty, and chaste wife drove him to despair. You have no idea for whom you guard the treasure.
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