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The Masterpieces of George Sand,
Amandine Lucille Aurore Dupin, Baroness
Dudevant, NOW FOR THE FIRST
TIME COMPLETELY TRANSLATED
INTO ENGLISH INDIANA
BY G. BURNHAM IVES
WITH SIX PHOTOGRAVURES AFTER PAINTINGS BY
ORESTE CORTAZZO
IN ONE VOLUME
PRINTED ONLY FOR SUBSCRIBERS BY
GEORGE BARRIE & SON
PHILADELPHIA
CONTENTS
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

MADAME DELMARE DISCOVERS
NOUN'S BODY
MADAME DELMARE DISCOVERS
NOUN'S BODY
Terror nailed her to the spot; but the stream flowed on, slowly drawing a body from the reeds among which it had caught, and bringing it toward Madame Delmare.
Fear kept her frozen in place; but the stream continued to flow, gradually pulling a body from the reeds where it had become trapped and bringing it closer to Madame Delmare.
INTRODUCTION
I wrote Indiana during the autumn of 1831. It was my first novel; I wrote it without any fixed plan, having no theory of art or philosophy in my mind. I was at the age when one writes with one's instincts, and when reflection serves only to confirm our natural tendencies. Some people chose to see in the book a deliberate argument against marriage. I was not so ambitious, and I was surprised to the last degree at all the fine things that the critics found to say concerning my subversive purposes. Criticism is far too acute; that is what will cause its death. It never passes judgment ingenuously on what has been done ingenuously. It looks for noon at four o'clock, as the old women say, and must cause much suffering to artists who care more for its decrees than they ought to do.
I wrote Indiana in the fall of 1831. It was my first novel; I wrote it without any set plan, with no artistic theory or philosophy in mind. I was at that age when writers rely on their instincts, and when thinking about it only reinforces our natural inclinations. Some people chose to see the book as a deliberate argument against marriage. I wasn't aiming for that, and I was completely taken aback by all the praise the critics found for what they thought were my subversive motives. Criticism is way too sharp; that's what's going to lead to its downfall. It doesn't judge fairly what has been created genuinely. It looks for noon at four o'clock, as the saying goes, and it can cause a lot of pain for artists who care too much about its opinions.
Under all régimes and in all times there has been a race of critics, who, in contempt of their own talent, have fancied that it was their duty to ply the trade of denouncers, of purveyors to the prosecuting attorney's office; extraordinary functions for men of letters to assume with regard to their confrères! The rigorous measures of government against the press never satisfy these savage critics. They would have them directed not only against works but against persons as well, and, if their advice were followed, some of us would be forbidden to write anything whatsoever.
Under every regime and in all times, there has been a group of critics who, disregarding their own talent, believe it's their duty to act as accusers, serving the agenda of the prosecution; quite a strange role for writers to take on concerning their fellow authors! The harsh actions taken by the government against the press never seem to satisfy these harsh critics. They want those measures applied not only to works but also to individuals, and if they had their way, some of us would be banned from writing anything at all.
At the time that I wrote Indiana, the cry of Saint Simonism was raised on every pretext. Later they shouted all sorts of other things. Even now certain writers are forbidden to open their mouths, under pain of seeing the police agents of certain newspapers pounce upon their work and hale them before the police of the constituted powers. If a writer puts noble sentiments in the mouth of a mechanic, it is an attack on the bourgeoisie; if a girl who has gone astray is rehabilitated after expiating her sin, it is an attack on virtuous women; if an impostor assumes titles of nobility, it is an attack on the patrician caste; if a bully plays the swashbuckling soldier, it is an insult to the army; if a woman is maltreated by her husband, it is an argument in favor of promiscuous love. And so with everything. Kindly brethren, devout and generous critics! What a pity that no one thinks of creating a petty court of literary inquisition in which you should be the torturers! Would you be satisfied to tear the books to pieces and burn them at a slow fire, and could you not, by your urgent representations, obtain permission to give a little taste of the rack to those writers who presume to have other gods than yours?
At the time I wrote Indiana, everyone was shouting about Saint Simonism for any reason they could find. Later, they started yelling about all kinds of other things. Even now, some writers are not allowed to speak out, or they'll find the police agents from certain newspapers swooping in on their work and dragging them before the authorities. If a writer gives noble thoughts to a mechanic, it's seen as an attack on the middle class; if a girl who has fallen from grace is redeemed after paying for her mistakes, it's seen as an attack on virtuous women; if a fraud pretends to be of noble birth, it's an attack on the upper class; if a bully acts like a brave soldier, it’s an insult to the military; if a woman is abused by her husband, it’s seen as support for promiscuity. And it’s the same for everything else. Kind friends, pious and generous critics! What a shame that no one thinks of setting up a little literary inquisition where you could be the enforcers! Would you be happy to tear the books apart and burn them slowly, and couldn’t you, through your persistent demands, get permission to give a little taste of torture to those writers who dare to have different beliefs than yours?
Thank God, I have forgotten the names of those who tried to discourage me at my first appearance, and who, being unable to say that my first attempt had fallen completely flat, tried to distort it into an incendiary proclamation against the repose of society. I did not expect so much honor, and I consider that I owe to those critics the thanks which the hare proffered the frogs, imagining from their alarm that he was entitled to deem himself a very thunderbolt of war.
Thank God, I've forgotten the names of those who tried to bring me down at my first appearance, and who, unable to admit that my first attempt had completely failed, twisted it into a provocative statement against the peace of society. I didn’t expect such recognition, and I feel like I owe those critics my gratitude, similar to how the hare thanked the frogs, thinking their panic meant he was a real force to be reckoned with.
GEORGE SAND.
George Sand.
Nohant, May, 1852.
Nohant, May 1852.
PREFACE TO THE EDITION OF 1832
If certain pages of this book should incur the serious reproach of tending toward novel beliefs, if unbending judges shall consider their tone imprudent and perilous, I should be obliged to reply to the criticism that it does too much honor to a work of no importance; that, in order to attack the great questions of social order, one must either be conscious of great strength of purpose or pride one's self upon great talent, and that such presumption is altogether foreign to a very simple tale, in which the author has invented almost nothing. If, in the course of his task, he has happened to set forth the lamentations extorted from his characters by the social malady with which they were assailed; if he has not shrunk from recording their aspirations after a happier existence, let the blame be laid upon society for its inequalities, upon destiny for its caprices! The author is merely a mirror which reflects them, a machine which reverses their tracing, and he has no reason for self-reproach if the impression is exact, if the reflection is true.
If certain pages of this book receive serious criticism for leaning towards new ideas, and if strict judges consider the tone reckless and dangerous, I would have to respond that such critiques give too much credit to a work of little significance. To tackle major issues of social order, one must either have a strong sense of purpose or pride in one’s talent, and that kind of arrogance is completely inappropriate for a very simple story, in which the author has invented almost nothing. If, during this process, he has found himself expressing the sadness his characters feel because of the social issues that affect them; if he hasn’t hesitated to share their hopes for a better life, then blame society for its inequalities and fate for its whims! The author is simply a mirror reflecting these experiences, a tool that reproduces their marks, and he has no reason to feel guilty if the reflection is accurate and true.
Consider further that the narrator has not taken for text or devise a few shrieks of suffering and wrath scattered through the drama of human life. He does not claim to conceal serious instruction beneath the exterior form of a tale; it is not his aim to lend a hand in constructing the edifice which a doubtful future is preparing for us and to give a sly kick at that of the past which is crumbling away. He knows too well that we live in an epoch of moral deterioration, wherein the reason of mankind has need of curtains to soften the too bright glare which dazzles it. If he had felt sufficiently learned to write a genuinely useful book, he would have toned down the truth, instead of presenting it in its crude tints and with its startling effects. That book would have performed the functions of blue spectacles for weak eyes.
Consider further that the narrator hasn’t taken a few shouts of pain and anger scattered throughout the story of human life as his main theme or tool. He doesn’t claim to hide serious lessons under the surface of a story; his goal isn’t to help build the structure that an uncertain future is creating for us, nor to take a jab at the decaying past. He understands too well that we live in a time of moral decline, where human reason needs curtains to soften the harsh light that blinds it. If he had felt knowledgeable enough to write a truly useful book, he would have softened the truth instead of presenting it in its raw form with its shocking effects. That book would have served the purpose of blue-tinted glasses for weak eyes.
He does not abandon the idea of performing that honorable and laudable task some day; but, being still a young man, he simply tells you to-day what he has seen, not presuming to draw his conclusions concerning the great controversy between the future and the past, which perhaps no man of the present generation is especially competent to do. Too conscientious to conceal his doubts from you, but too timid to transform them into certainties, he relies upon your reflections and abstains from weaving into the woof of his narrative preconceived opinions, judgments all formed. He plies with exactitude his trade of narrator. He will tell you everything, even painful truths; but, if you should wrap him in the philosopher's robe, you would find that he was exceedingly confused, simple story-teller that he is, whose mission is to amuse and not to instruct.
He doesn’t give up on the idea of someday performing that honorable and admirable task, but being a young man, he simply shares with you today what he has observed, not daring to make conclusions about the big debate between the future and the past, which maybe no one in the current generation is truly qualified to address. He's too honest to hide his doubts from you, but too hesitant to turn them into certainties, so he counts on your thoughts and avoids injecting his preconceived opinions and judgments into his story. He carefully does his job as a storyteller. He will tell you everything, even uncomfortable truths; however, if you were to dress him up in a philosopher's gown, you would find him rather confused, just a simple storyteller whose role is to entertain rather than teach.
Even were he more mature and more skilful, he would not dare to lay his hand upon the great sores of dying civilization. One must be so sure of being able to cure them when one ventures to probe them! He would much prefer to arouse your interest in old discarded beliefs, in old-fashioned, vanished forms of devotion, to employing his talent, if he had any, in blasting overturned altars. He knows, however, that, in these charitable times, a timorous conscience is despised by public opinion as hypocritical reserve, just as, in the arts, a timid bearing is sneered at as an absurd mannerism; but he knows also that there is honor, if not profit, in defending lost causes.
Even if he were more mature and skilled, he wouldn’t dare to touch the major issues of a crumbling civilization. You have to be really confident you can fix things before you start digging into them! He would much rather spark your interest in old, forgotten beliefs and outdated forms of devotion than use his talent, if he has any, to tear down broken altars. He understands, though, that in these generous times, having a cautious conscience is viewed by public opinion as hypocritical, just like a shy approach in the arts is seen as an absurd quirk; but he also knows that there’s honor, if not reward, in standing up for lost causes.
To him who should misunderstand the spirit of this book, such a profession of faith would sound like an anachronism. The narrator hopes that few auditors, after listening to his tale to the end, will deny the moral to be derived from the facts, a moral which triumphs there as in all human affairs; it seemed to him, when he wrote the last line, that his conscience was clear. He flattered himself, in a word, that he had described social miseries without too much bitterness, human passions without too much passion. He placed the mute under his strings when they echoed too loudly; he tried to stifle certain notes of the soul which should remain mute, certain voices of the heart which cannot be awakened without danger.
To anyone who might misinterpret the essence of this book, such a statement of belief might seem outdated. The narrator hopes that few listeners, after hearing his story all the way through, will reject the lessons that can be drawn from the events, a lesson that prevails just like in all aspects of life; when he wrote the final line, he felt that his conscience was clear. He reassured himself, in short, that he depicted social struggles without excessive harshness and human emotions without excessive intensity. He muted the loud parts when they rang out too strongly; he tried to suppress certain feelings that should remain unexpressed, certain emotions that can only be stirred at a great risk.
Perhaps you will do him justice if you agree that the being who tries to free himself from his lawful curb is represented as very wretched indeed, and the heart that rebels against the decrees of its destiny as in sore distress. If he has not given the best imaginable rôle to that one of his characters who represents the law, if that one who represents opinion is even less cheerful, you will see a third representing illusion, who cruelly thwarts the vain hopes and enterprises of passion. Lastly, you will see that, although he has not strewn rose-leaves on the ground where the law pens up our desires like a sheep's appetite, he has scattered thistles along the roads which lead us away from it.
Maybe you’ll find it fair to say that the person trying to break free from their rightful limitations is portrayed as extremely miserable, and the heart that fights against its fate is shown as deeply distressed. If he hasn’t given an ideal role to the character that represents the law, and if the character that stands for opinion is even more dismal, you’ll notice a third character representing illusion, who cruelly undermines the empty hopes and ambitions driven by passion. Finally, even though he hasn’t laid down roses on the path where the law confines our desires like a sheep’s craving, he has certainly scattered thorns along the paths that lead us away from it.
These facts, it seems to me, are sufficient to protect this book from the reproach of immorality; but, if you absolutely insist that a novel should end like one of Marmontel's tales, you will perhaps chide me on account of the last pages; you will think that I have done wrong in not casting into misery and destitution the character who has transgressed the laws of mankind through two volumes. In this regard, the author will reply that before being moral he chose to be true; he will say again, that, feeling that he was too new to the trade to compose a philosophical treatise on the manner of enduring life, he has restricted himself to telling you the story of Indiana, a story of the human heart, with its weaknesses, its passions, its rights and its wrongs, its good qualities and its evil qualities.
These facts, it seems to me, are enough to shield this book from accusations of immorality; however, if you insist that a novel should end like one of Marmontel’s stories, you may criticize me for the last pages; you might believe I was wrong not to leave the character who broke society's rules in misery and poverty after two volumes. In this regard, the author would respond that before being moral, he chose to be honest; he would also say that, recognizing he was too inexperienced to write a philosophical treatise on how to navigate life, he has focused on telling you the story of Indiana, a tale of the human heart, with its flaws, its passions, its rights and wrongs, its virtues and vices.
Indiana, if you insist upon an explanation of every thing in the book, is a type; she is woman, the feeble being whose mission it is to represent passions repressed, or, if you prefer, suppressed by the law; she is desire at odds with necessity; she is love dashing her head blindly against all the obstacles of civilization. But the serpent wears out his teeth and breaks them in trying to gnaw a file; the powers of the soul become exhausted in trying to struggle against the positive facts of life. That is the conclusion you may draw from this tale, and it was in that light that it was told to him who transmits it to you.
Indiana, if you want an explanation for everything in the book, is a representation; she embodies woman, the vulnerable being whose role is to showcase passions that are repressed or, if you prefer, suppressed by the law; she is desire conflicting with necessity; she is love throwing herself blindly against all the barriers of society. But the snake wears out its teeth and breaks them trying to gnaw on a file; the energies of the soul become drained trying to fight against the harsh realities of life. That’s the takeaway from this story, and it was shared in that context with the person who passes it on to you.
But despite these protestations the narrator anticipates reproaches. Some upright souls, some honest men's consciences will be alarmed perhaps to see virtue so harsh, reason so downcast, opinion so unjust. He is dismayed at the prospect; for the thing that an author should fear more than anything in the world is the alienating from his works the confidence of good men, the awakening of an ominous sympathy in embittered souls, the inflaming of the sores, already too painful, which are made by the social yoke upon impatient and rebellious necks.
But even with these declarations, the narrator expects criticism. Some good people, some honest individuals' consciences might be troubled to see virtue treated so harshly, reason so defeated, and opinion so unfair. He feels apprehensive about this; because what an author should fear more than anything else is losing the trust of good people in his work, sparking a negative sympathy in bitter souls, and aggravating the wounds, already too painful, caused by the societal constraints on restless and rebellious spirits.
The success which is based upon an unworthy appeal to the passions of the age is the easiest to win, the least honorable to strive for. The historian of Indiana denies that he has ever dreamed of it; if he thought that he had reached that result, he would destroy his book, even though he felt for it the artless fatherly affection which swaddles the rickety offspring of these days of literary abortions.
The success that comes from exploiting the emotions of the times is the easiest to achieve and the least honorable to pursue. The historian of Indiana claims he has never aspired to it; if he believed he had achieved that, he would tear up his book, even if he felt the genuine, fatherly affection that surrounds the weak creations of today’s literary world.
But he hopes to justify himself by stating that he thought it better to enforce his principles by real examples than by poetic fancies. He believes that his tale, with the depressing atmosphere of frankness that envelopes it, may make an impression upon young and ardent brains. They will find it difficult to distrust a historian who forces his way brutally through the midst of facts, elbowing right and left, with no more regard for one camp than for the other. To make a cause odious or absurd is to persecute it, not to combat it. It may be that the whole art of the novelist consists in interesting the culprits whom he wishes to redeem, the wretched whom he wishes to cure, in their own story.
But he hopes to prove himself by saying that he thought it was better to illustrate his principles with real examples than with poetic ideas. He believes that his story, surrounded by a heavy atmosphere of honesty, might leave an impression on young and passionate minds. They will find it hard to distrust a historian who forcefully navigates through facts, pushing aside anything that gets in his way, caring equally for both sides. Making a cause seem horrible or ridiculous is not challenging it, but rather attacking it. Perhaps the whole skill of the novelist lies in captivating the wrongdoers he aims to save, the unfortunate he wants to help, in their own narrative.
It would be giving overmuch importance to a work that is destined doubtless to attract very little notice, to seek to protect it against every sort of accusation. Therefore the author surrenders unconditionally to the critics; a single charge seems to him too serious to accept, and that is the charge that he has written a dangerous book. He would prefer to remain in a humble position forever to building his reputation upon a ruined conscience. He will add a word therefore to repel the blame which he most dreads.
It would be overemphasizing the significance of a work that will likely receive very little attention to try to defend it against every potential criticism. So, the author completely concedes to the critics; he finds a single accusation too serious to accept, and that is the claim that he has written a dangerous book. He would rather stay in a modest position forever than build his reputation on a compromised conscience. Therefore, he will add a word to dismiss the blame that he fears the most.
Raymon, you will say, is society; egoism is substituted for morality and reason. Raymon, the author will reply, is the false reason, the false morality by which society is governed; he is the man of honor as the world understands the phrase, because the world does not examine closely enough to see everything. The good man you have beside Raymon; and you will not say that he is the enemy of order; for he sacrifices his happiness, he loses all thought of self before all questions of social order.
Raymon, you might say, represents society; selfishness replaces morality and reason. Raymon, the author would respond, is the false reason and false morality that govern society; he embodies the idea of honor as the world sees it, because people don’t look closely enough to understand everything. The good man standing next to Raymon; and you wouldn’t claim he is an enemy of order; he sacrifices his happiness, putting aside any thoughts of himself when it comes to issues of social order.
Then you will say that virtue is not rewarded with sufficient blowing of trumpets. Alas! the answer is that we no longer witness the triumph of virtue elsewhere than at the boulevard theatres. The author will tell you that he has undertaken to exhibit society to you, not as virtuous, but as necessary, and that honor has become as difficult as heroism in these days of moral degeneration. Do you think that this truth will cause great souls to loathe honor? I think just the opposite.
Then you'll say that virtue isn't celebrated loudly enough. Sadly, the truth is that we only see virtue celebrated at the boulevard theaters these days. The author will tell you that he aims to show society as it truly is—not virtuous, but necessary, and that honor is as hard to achieve as heroism in these times of moral decline. Do you really think this truth will make great souls despise honor? I believe it's the complete opposite.
PREFACE TO THE EDITION OF 1842
In allowing the foregoing pages to be reprinted, I do not mean to imply that they form a clear and complete summary of the beliefs which I hold to-day concerning the rights of society over individuals. I do it simply because I regard opinions freely put forth in the past as something sacred, which we should neither retract nor cry down nor attempt to interpret as our fancy directs. But to-day, having advanced on life's highway and watched the horizon broaden around me, I deem it my duty to tell the reader what I think of my book.
In allowing the previous pages to be reprinted, I don't mean to suggest that they offer a clear and comprehensive summary of my current beliefs about society's rights over individuals. I'm doing this simply because I consider past opinions shared openly to be something important, which we shouldn't take back, dismiss, or try to reinterpret based on our current attitudes. However, now that I've progressed on life’s journey and seen my perspective expand, I feel it's my responsibility to let the reader know what I think about my book.
When I wrote Indiana, I was young; I acted in obedience to feelings of great strength and sincerity which overflowed thereafter in a series of novels, almost all of which were based on the same idea: the ill-defined relations between the sexes, attributable to the constitution of our society. These novels were all more or less inveighed against by the critics, as making unwise assaults upon the institution of marriage. Indiana, notwithstanding the narrowness of its scope and the ingenuous uncertainty of its grasp, did not escape the indignation of several self-styled serious minds, whom I was strongly disposed at that time to believe upon their simple statement and to listen to with docility. But, although my reasoning powers were developed hardly enough to write upon so grave a subject, I was not so much of a child that I could not pass judgment in my turn on the thoughts of those persons who passed judgment on mine. However simple-minded a man accused of crime may be and however shrewd the magistrate, the accused has enough common-sense to know whether the magistrate's sentence is equitable or inequitable, wise or absurd.
When I wrote Indiana, I was young; I followed strong and sincere feelings that later poured out in a series of novels, almost all based on the same theme: the unclear relationships between men and women, a result of our society's structure. These novels were largely criticized for making reckless attacks on the institution of marriage. Indiana, despite its limited scope and naive uncertainty in handling the topic, didn't escape the outrage of several self-proclaimed serious thinkers, whom I was inclined at the time to believe and listen to obediently. But even though my reasoning skills were not fully developed enough to tackle such a serious subject, I was not so naive that I couldn't judge the opinions of those who judged mine. No matter how simple-minded a person accused of a crime may be, and no matter how clever the magistrate, the accused usually has enough common sense to determine whether the magistrate's sentence is fair or unfair, wise or foolish.
Certain journalists of our day who set themselves up as representatives and guardians of public morals—I know not by virtue of what mission they act, since I know not by what faith they are commissioned—pronounced judgment pitilessly against my poor tale, and, by representing it as an argument against social order, gave it an importance and a sort of echo which it would not otherwise have obtained. They thereby imposed a very serious and weighty rôle upon a young author hardly initiated in the most elementary social ideas, whose whole literary and philosophical baggage consisted of a little imagination, courage and love of the truth. Sensitive to the reproofs and almost grateful for the lessons which they were pleased to administer, he examined the arguments which arraigned the moral character of his thoughts before the bar of public opinion, and, by virtue of that examination, which he conducted entirely without pride, he gradually acquired convictions which were mere feelings at the outset of his career and which to-day are fundamental principles.
Certain journalists today, who see themselves as representatives and guardians of public morals—I don’t know what mission they act on or by what beliefs they are authorized—harshly judged my poor story, and by framing it as an argument against social order, gave it a significance and a kind of resonance that it wouldn’t have had otherwise. They imposed a serious and heavy role on a young author who was barely familiar with basic social concepts, whose entire literary and philosophical background consisted of a bit of imagination, courage, and love of truth. Sensitive to their criticism and almost thankful for the lessons they chose to give, he examined the arguments that challenged the moral character of his thoughts in the court of public opinion. Through that examination, which he approached with humility, he gradually developed convictions that were just feelings at the beginning of his journey and which today are fundamental principles.
During ten years of investigations, of scruples, and of irresolution, often painful but always sincere, shunning the rôle of pedagogue which some attributed to me to make me ridiculous, abhorring the imputation of pride and spleen with which others pursued me to make me odious, proceeding according to the measure of my artistic faculties, to seek the synthesis of life by analyzing it, I related facts which have sometimes been acknowledged to be plausible, and drew characters which have often been described as having been studied with care. I restricted myself to that, striving to establish my own conviction rather than to shake other people's, and saying to myself that, if I were mistaken, society would find no lack of loud voices to overturn my arguments and to repair by judicious answers the evil that my imprudent questions might have done. Numerous voices did, in fact, arise to put the public on its guard against the dangerous writer, but, as for the judicious answers, the public and the author are still awaiting them.
For ten years of research, doubts, and indecision—often painful but always genuine—I avoided taking on the role of a teacher that some mocked me with, and I hated the accusations of arrogance and bitterness that others used to vilify me. I focused on using my artistic abilities to explore the essence of life through analysis. I shared stories that have sometimes been considered believable and created characters often noted for their careful development. I limited myself to that, aiming to establish my own beliefs rather than trying to convince others, reminding myself that if I were wrong, society would have plenty of loud voices to counter my arguments and address the harm my careless questions might cause. Many voices did indeed rise to warn the public about the so-called dangerous writer, but as for the thoughtful responses, both the public and I are still waiting.
A long while after I wrote the preface to Indiana under the influence of a remnant of respect for constituted society, I was still seeking to solve this insoluble problem: the method of reconciling the welfare and the dignity of individuals oppressed by that same society without modifying society itself. Leaning over the victims and mingling his tears with theirs, making himself their interpreter with his readers, but, like a prudent advocate, not striving overmuch to palliate the wrong-doing of his clients, and addressing himself to the clemency of the judges rather than to their austerity, the novelist is really the advocate of the abstract beings who represent our passions and our sufferings before the tribunal of superior force and the jury of public opinion. It is a task which has a gravity of its own beneath its trivial exterior, and a task which it is exceedingly difficult to confine to its true path, pestered as you are at every step by those who accuse you of being too serious in respect to form and by those who accuse you of being too frivolous in respect to substance.
A long time after I wrote the preface to Indiana out of a lingering respect for established society, I was still trying to figure out this impossible problem: how to balance the well-being and dignity of individuals oppressed by that same society without changing society itself. Leaning over the victims and sharing their tears, acting as their voice to the readers, but like a careful lawyer, not pushing too hard to make excuses for his clients, and appealing to the kindness of the judges rather than their severity, the novelist really serves as the advocate for the abstract representations of our passions and sufferings before the powerful forces and the jury of public opinion. This is a responsibility that carries its own weight beneath its seemingly trivial surface, and it's extremely hard to keep it on the right track, constantly hounded by those who say you’re too serious about style and those who claim you’re too superficial about content.
I do not flatter myself that I performed this task skilfully; but I am sure that I attempted it in all seriousness, amid inward hesitations wherein my conscience, sometimes dismayed by its ignorance of its rights, sometimes inspired by a heart enamored of justice and truth, marched forward to its goal, without swerving too far from the straight road and without too many backward steps.
I don't think I did this task very well, but I know I approached it seriously, despite my inner doubts. My conscience, at times troubled by its lack of knowledge about what was right, and at other times driven by a heart that loves justice and truth, moved forward toward its goal, staying mostly on track and not backtracking too much.
To enlighten the public as to this inward struggle by a series of prefaces and discussions would have been a puerile method, wherein the vanity of talking about one's self would have taken too much space to suit me. I could but abstain from it as well as from touching too hastily upon the points which were still obscure in my mind. Conservators called me too bold, innovators too timid. I confess that I had respect and sympathy for the past and the future alike, and in the battle I found no peace of mind until the day when I fully realized that the one should not be the violation and the annihilation of the other, but its continuation and development.
To inform the public about this internal struggle through a series of introductions and discussions would have been a childish approach, where the self-importance of talking about myself would have taken up too much space for my liking. I could only refrain from it, as well as from rushing through the points that were still unclear in my mind. Traditionalists called me too bold, while reformers said I was too cautious. I admit that I had respect and empathy for both the past and the future, and I found no peace of mind in the conflict until I realized that one shouldn't destroy or negate the other, but rather continue and develop it.
After this novitiate of ten years, being initiated at last in broader ideas which I derived not from myself but from the philosophical progress which had taken place around me—and particularly from a few vast intellects which I religiously questioned, and, generally speaking, from the spectacle of the sufferings of my fellowmen,—I realized at last that, although I may have done well to distrust myself and to hesitate to put forth my views at the epoch of ignorance and inexperience when I wrote Indiana, my present duty is to congratulate myself on the bold utterances to which I allowed myself to be impelled then and afterwards; bold utterances for which I have been reproached so bitterly, and which would have been bolder still had I known how legitimate and honest and sacred they were.
After a ten-year period as a novice, I finally embraced broader ideas that I didn’t come up with on my own but rather from the philosophical advancements happening around me—especially from a few brilliant minds that I eagerly questioned, and, generally, from witnessing the struggles of my fellow human beings. I came to realize that, while it was probably wise to doubt myself and hesitate to share my thoughts during the time of ignorance and inexperience when I wrote Indiana, my current responsibility is to recognize and appreciate the bold statements I made then and later; bold statements that have drawn harsh criticism, and which would have been even bolder if I had understood how rightful, honest, and sacred they truly were.
To-day therefore, having re-read the first novel of my youth with as much severity and impartiality as if it were the work of another person, on the eve of giving it a publicity which it has not yet derived from the popular edition, having resolved beforehand not to retract—one should never retract what was said or done in good faith—but to condemn myself if I should discover that my former tendencies were mistaken or dangerous, I find myself so entirely in accord with myself with respect to the sentiment which dictated Indiana and which would dictate it now if I had that story to tell to-day for the first time, that I have not chosen to change anything in it save a few ungrammatical sentences and some inappropriate words. Doubtless many more of the same sort remain, and the literary merits of my writings I submit without reserve to the animadversions of the critics; I gladly accord to them all the competence in that regard which I myself lack. That there is an incontestable mass of talent in the daily press of the present day, I do not deny and I delight to acknowledge it. But that there are many philosophers and moralists in this array of polished writers, I do positively deny, with due respect to those who have condemned me, and who will condemn me again on the first opportunity, from their lofty plane of morality and philosophy.
Today, having re-read the first novel of my youth with as much seriousness and fairness as if it were written by someone else, just before sharing it with the world for the first time in a popular edition, and having decided in advance not to take back anything—one should never take back what was said or done in good faith—but to criticize myself if I find that my past views were wrong or harmful, I feel completely aligned with the feelings that inspired Indiana and that would inspire it now if I were telling that story for the first time today. I haven't changed anything except for a few ungrammatical sentences and some inappropriate words. Certainly, many more mistakes like those remain, and I submit the literary quality of my work to the critics without reservation; I freely grant them all the expertise in that area that I lack. I do not deny that there is an undeniable amount of talent in today's daily press, and I happily acknowledge it. However, I firmly deny that there are many philosophers and moralists among this group of polished writers, with all due respect to those who have criticized me and will criticize me again at the first opportunity from their high ground of morality and philosophy.
I repeat then, I wrote Indiana, and I was justified in writing it; I yielded to an overpowering instinct of outcry and rebellion which God had implanted in me, God who makes nothing that is not of some use, even the most insignificant creatures, and who interposes in the most trivial as well as in great causes. But what am I saying? is this cause that I am defending so very trivial, pray? It is the cause of half of the human race, nay, of the whole human race; for the unhappiness of woman involves that of man, as that of the slave involves that of the master, and I strove to demonstrate it in Indiana. Some persons said that I was pleading the cause of an individual; as if, even assuming that I was inspired by personal feeling, I was the only unhappy mortal in this peaceful and radiant human race! So many cries of pain and sympathy answered mine that I know now what to think concerning the supreme felicity of my fellowman.
I’ll say it again: I wrote Indiana, and I was right to do so. I couldn't ignore this overwhelming urge to speak out and rebel that God put in me, the same God who creates nothing without purpose, even the smallest creatures, and who gets involved in both trivial and significant matters. But wait, am I really saying this cause I’m standing up for is so trivial? It’s the cause of half the human race, actually the entire human race; because the suffering of women affects men just like the suffering of a slave impacts the master. I aimed to show this in Indiana. Some people claimed I was just defending one person; as if, even if I were driven by personal feelings, I was the only unhappy person in this supposedly peaceful and bright human race! So many cries of pain and understanding responded to mine that I now know what to think about the ultimate happiness of my fellow humans.
I do not think that I have ever written anything under the influence of a selfish passion; I have never even thought of avoiding it. They who have read me without prejudice understand that I wrote Indiana with a feeling, not deliberately reasoned out, to be sure, but a deep and genuine feeling that the laws which still govern woman's existence in wedlock, in the family and in society are unjust and barbarous. I had not to write a treatise on jurisprudence but to fight against public opinion; for it is that which postpones or advances social reforms. The war will be long and bitter; but I am neither the first nor the last nor the only champion of so noble a cause, and I will defend it so long as the breath of life remains in my body.
I don't think I've ever written anything out of selfish desire; I haven't even considered avoiding it. Those who have read my work without bias understand that I wrote Indiana with a feeling—not something I carefully reasoned out, but a deep and genuine emotion that the laws still governing women's lives in marriage, family, and society are unfair and cruel. I wasn't writing a legal treatise but fighting against public opinion, which is what holds back or pushes forward social reforms. The struggle will be long and tough; however, I'm neither the first nor the last nor the only supporter of such a noble cause, and I will defend it for as long as I have breath in my body.
This feeling which inspired me at the beginning I reasoned out and developed as it was combated and reproved. Unjust and malevolent critics taught me much more than I should have discovered in the calm of impunity. For this reason therefore I offer thanks to the bungling judges who enlightened me. The motives that inspired their judgments cast a bright light upon my mind and enveloped my conscience in a sense of profound security. A sincere mind turns everything to advantage, and facts that would discourage vanity redouble the ardor of genuine devotion.
This feeling that inspired me at first, I thought through and expanded upon as it was challenged and criticized. Unfair and spiteful critics taught me much more than I would have learned in the peace of being unchallenged. For this reason, I am grateful to the incompetent critics who opened my eyes. The reasons behind their judgments illuminated my understanding and filled my conscience with a deep sense of security. An honest mind makes the best of everything, and things that might deflate someone’s ego only increase the passion of true dedication.
Let no one look upon the reproof which, from the depths of a heart that is to-day serious and tranquil, I have just addressed to the majority of journalists of my time, as implying even a suggestion of protest against the right of censorship with which public morality invests the French press. That criticism often ill performs and ill comprehends its mission in the society of the present day, is evident to all; but that the mission is in itself providential and sacred, no one can deny unless he be an atheist in the matter of progress, unless he be an enemy of the truth, a blasphemer of the future and an unworthy child of France! Liberty of thought, liberty to write and to speak, blessed conquest of the human mind! what are the petty sufferings and the fleeting cares engendered by thy errors or abuses compared to the infinite blessings which thou hast in store for the world!
Let no one interpret the criticism I've just directed at most journalists of my time, coming from a heart that is serious and calm today, as a protest against the right of censorship that public morality gives to the French press. It's clear to everyone that criticism often fails to fulfill and understand its role in today's society; however, no one can deny that this role is inherently vital and sacred, unless they are an enemy of progress, a foe of truth, a detractor of the future, and unworthy of being a child of France! The freedom of thought, the freedom to write and speak, a precious achievement of the human mind! What are the minor pains and brief worries caused by your mistakes or misuses compared to the countless blessings you have in store for the world!
INDIANA
PART FIRST
I
On a certain cool, rainy evening in autumn, in a small château in Brie, three pensive individuals were gravely occupied in watching the wood burn on the hearth and the hands of the clock move slowly around the dial. Two of these silent guests seemed to give way unreservedly to the vague ennui that weighed upon them; but the third gave signs of open rebellion: he fidgeted about on his seat, stifled half audibly divers melancholy yawns, and tapped the snapping sticks with the tongs, with a manifest intention of resisting the common enemy.
On a cool, rainy autumn evening, in a small château in Brie, three thoughtful individuals were intently watching the wood crackle in the fireplace and the hands of the clock move slowly around the dial. Two of the silent guests appeared to completely succumb to the vague boredom weighing on them, while the third showed clear signs of rebellion: he fidgeted in his seat, stifled various melancholic yawns, and tapped the cracking logs with the tongs, clearly determined to resist the common enemy.
This person, who was much older than the other two, was the master of the house, Colonel Delmare, an old warrior on half-pay, once a very handsome man, now over-corpulent, with a bald head, gray moustache and awe-inspiring eye; an excellent master before whom everybody trembled, wife, servants, horses and dogs.
This person, who was much older than the other two, was the master of the house, Colonel Delmare, a retired soldier living on a pension, once a very handsome man, now quite overweight, with a bald head, gray mustache, and a commanding gaze; an excellent boss before whom everyone trembled—his wife, servants, horses, and dogs.
At last he left his chair, evidently vexed because he did not know how to break the silence, and began to walk heavily up and down the whole length of the salon, without laying aside for an instant the rigidity which characterizes all the movements of an ex-soldier, resting his weight on his loins and turning the whole body at once, with the unfailing self-satisfaction peculiar to the man of show and the model officer.
At last, he got up from his chair, clearly annoyed because he didn't know how to break the silence, and started to pace back and forth across the entire length of the living room. He didn't relax for a moment, moving with the stiffness typical of a former soldier, leaning on his lower back and turning his whole body at once, exuding that constant self-satisfaction that's typical of a performer and an ideal officer.
But the glorious days had passed, when Lieutenant Delmare inhaled triumph with the air of the camps; the retired officer, forgotten now by an ungrateful country, was condemned to undergo all the consequences of marriage. He was the husband of a young and pretty wife, the proprietor of a commodious manor with its appurtenances, and, furthermore, a manufacturer who had been fortunate in his undertakings; in consequence whereof the colonel was ill-humored, especially on the evening in question; for it was very damp, and the colonel had rheumatism.
But the glorious days were gone when Lieutenant Delmare breathed in success amidst the camp atmosphere; the retired officer, now forgotten by an ungrateful country, was forced to face all the challenges of marriage. He was the husband of a young and attractive wife, the owner of a spacious manor along with its belongings, and, on top of that, a manufacturer who had been lucky in his ventures; as a result, the colonel was in a bad mood, especially that evening, because it was very damp, and the colonel suffered from rheumatism.
He paced gravely up and down his old salon, furnished in the style of Louis XV., halting sometimes before a door surmounted by nude Cupids in fresco, who led in chains of flowers well-bred fawns and good-natured wild boars; sometimes before a panel overladen with paltry, over-elaborated sculpture, whose tortuous vagaries and endless intertwining the eye would have wearied itself to no purpose in attempting to follow. But these vague and fleeting distractions did not prevent the colonel, whenever he turned about, from casting a keen and searching glance at the two companions of his silent vigil, resting upon them alternately that watchful eye which for three years past had been standing guard over a fragile and priceless treasure, his wife.
He paced seriously back and forth in his old living room, furnished in the style of Louis XV., sometimes stopping in front of a door topped with naked Cupids in frescoes, who led well-mannered fawns and friendly wild boars in chains of flowers; other times he paused before a panel overloaded with cheap, overly complicated sculptures, where the tangled details would tire the eye trying to follow them. But these vague and fleeting distractions didn’t stop the colonel, whenever he turned around, from casting a sharp and probing glance at the two companions of his silent watch, shifting his attentive gaze between them, which for the past three years had been vigilant over a delicate and priceless treasure, his wife.
For his wife was nineteen years of age; and if you had seen her buried under the mantel of that huge fire-place of white marble inlaid with burnished copper; if you had seen her, slender, pale, depressed, with her elbow resting on her knee, a mere child in that ancient household, beside that old husband, like a flower of yesterday that had bloomed in a gothic vase, you would have pitied Colonel Delmare's wife, and the colonel even more perhaps than his wife.
For his wife was nineteen years old; and if you had seen her sitting under the mantel of that huge white marble fireplace inlaid with shiny copper; if you had seen her, slender, pale, and downcast, with her elbow resting on her knee, just a child in that old household, next to her older husband, like a flower that had just bloomed in a gothic vase, you would have felt sorry for Colonel Delmare's wife, and maybe even more for the colonel himself.
The third occupant of this lonely house was also sitting under the same mantel, at the other end of the burning log. He was a man in all the strength and all the bloom of youth, whose glowing cheeks, abundant golden hair and full whiskers presented a striking contrast to the grizzly hair, weather-beaten complexion and harsh countenance of the master of the house; but the least artistic of men would none the less have preferred Monsieur Delmare's harsh and stern expression to the younger man's regular but insipid features. The bloated face carved in relief on the sheet of iron that formed the back of the fire-place, with its eye fixed constantly on the burning logs, was less monotonous perhaps than the pink and white fair-haired character in this narrative, absorbed in like contemplation. However, his strong and supple figure, the clean-cut outline of his brown eyebrows, the polished whiteness of his forehead, the tranquil expression of his limpid eyes, the beauty of his hands, and even the rigorously correct elegance of his hunting costume, would have caused him to be considered a very comely cavalier in the eyes of any woman who had conceived a passion for the so-called philosophic tastes of another century. But perhaps Monsieur Delmare's young and timid wife had never as yet examined a man with her eyes; perhaps there was an entire absence of sympathy between that pale and unhappy woman and that sound sleeper and hearty eater. Certain it is that the conjugal Argus wearied his hawklike eye without detecting a glance, a breath, a palpitation, between these two very dissimilar beings. Thereupon, being assured that he had not the slightest pretext for jealousy to occupy his mind, he relapsed into a state of depression more profound than before, and abruptly plunged his hands into his pockets.
The third person in this lonely house was also sitting under the same mantle, at the other end of the burning log. He was a young man in his prime, with glowing cheeks, thick golden hair, and a full beard that were a striking contrast to the grizzled hair, weathered skin, and stern face of the house's owner. But even the least artistic person would have preferred Monsieur Delmare's harsh and serious expression to the younger man's perfectly regular but bland features. The bloated face carved into the iron sheet at the back of the fireplace, with its eyes constantly fixed on the burning logs, might have been less monotonous than the pink and white of the fair-haired character in this narrative, who was absorbed in the same contemplation. However, his strong and agile body, the clean lines of his brown eyebrows, the polished whiteness of his forehead, the calm look in his clear eyes, the beauty of his hands, and even the flawlessly stylish appearance of his hunting outfit would have made him seem very handsome to any woman who appreciated the so-called philosophical tastes of another era. But perhaps Monsieur Delmare's young and timid wife had never really looked at a man; maybe there was a complete lack of connection between that pale and unhappy woman and that deep sleeper and hearty eater. It’s clear that the watchful husband scanned the room with his sharp gaze but noticed no glance, breath, or heartbeat between these two very different individuals. Thus reassured that he had no reason for jealousy to trouble him, he sank into a deeper state of gloom and abruptly shoved his hands into his pockets.
The only cheerful and attractive face in the group was that of a beautiful hunting dog, of the large breed of pointers, whose head was resting on the knees of the younger man. She was remarkable by reason of her long body, her powerful hairy legs, her muzzle, slender as a fox's, and her intelligent face, covered with disheveled hair, through which two great tawny eyes shone like topazes. Those dog's eyes, so fierce and threatening during the chase, had at that moment an indefinable expression of affectionate melancholy; and when her master, the object of that instinctive love, sometimes so superior to the deliberate affection of man, ran his fingers through the beautiful creature's silky silver locks, her eyes sparkled with pleasure, while her long tail swept the hearth in regular cadence, and scattered the ashes over the inlaid floor.
The only happy and attractive face in the group belonged to a beautiful hunting dog, a large pointer, whose head was resting on the knees of the younger man. She stood out because of her long body, strong furry legs, and a muzzle as slender as a fox's, along with her intelligent face covered in messy hair, through which two big golden eyes glimmered like topaz. Those dog's eyes, fierce and intimidating during the hunt, held an indescribable expression of loving sadness at that moment; and when her master, the recipient of that instinctive love, which can sometimes surpass the thoughtful affection of humans, ran his fingers through her lovely silky silver fur, her eyes lit up with joy, while her long tail swayed across the hearth in a steady rhythm, scattering ashes over the inlaid floor.
It was a fitting subject for Rembrandt's brush, that interior, dimly lighted by the fire on the hearth. At intervals fugitive white gleams lighted up the room and the faces, then, changing to the red tint of the embers, gradually died away; the gloom of the salon varying as the fitful gleams grew more or less dull. Each time that Monsieur Delmare passed in front of the fire, he suddenly appeared, like a ghost, then vanished in the mysterious depths of the salon. Strips of gilding stood forth in the light now and then on the oval frames, adorned with wreaths and medallions and fillets of wood, on furniture, inlaid with ebony and copper, and even on the jagged cornices of the wainscoting. But when a brand went out, resigning its brilliancy to some other blazing point, the objects which had been in the light a moment before withdrew into the shadow, and other projections stood forth from the obscurity. Thus one could have grasped in due time all the details of the picture, from the console supported by three huge gilded tritons, to the frescoed ceiling, representing a sky studded with stars and clouds, and to the heavy hangings of crimson damask, with long tassels, which shimmered like satin, their ample folds seeming to sway back and forth as they reflected the flickering light.
It was a perfect subject for Rembrandt's brush, that room, softly lit by the fire in the fireplace. Occasionally, brief white flashes lit up the room and the faces, then shifting to the red glow of the embers, gradually faded away; the darkness of the salon changing as the intense flashes grew more or less dim. Each time Monsieur Delmare passed in front of the fire, he suddenly appeared, like a ghost, then disappeared into the mysterious depths of the salon. Strips of gold occasionally stood out in the light on the oval frames, decorated with wreaths and medallions and wood fillets, on furniture inlaid with ebony and copper, and even on the jagged edges of the wainscoting. But when a log went out, giving its brightness to another glowing point, the items that had just been illuminated slipped back into the shadows, and other shapes emerged from the darkness. Thus, one could eventually take in all the details of the scene, from the console held up by three massive gilded tritons, to the painted ceiling depicting a sky filled with stars and clouds, and to the heavy crimson damask curtains with long tassels that shimmered like satin, their flowing folds seeming to sway as they reflected the flickering light.
One would have said, from the immobility of the two figures in bold relief before the fire, that they feared to disturb the immobility of the scene; that they had been turned to stone where they sat, like the heroes of a fairy tale, and that the slightest word or movement would bring the walls of an imaginary city crumbling about their ears. And the dark-browed master, who alone broke the silence and the shadow with his regular tread, seemed a magician who held them under a spell.
One might think, looking at the two figures frozen in front of the fire, that they were afraid to disrupt the stillness of the scene; that they had turned to stone where they sat, like heroes in a fairy tale, and that even the smallest word or movement could cause the walls of an imaginary city to collapse around them. And the dark-browed master, the only one to break the silence and gloom with his steady footsteps, seemed like a magician who had them under a spell.
At last the dog, having obtained a smile from her master, yielded to the magnetic power which the eye of man exerts over that of the lower animals. She uttered a low whine of timid affection and placed her fore paws on her beloved's shoulders with inimitable ease and grace of movement.
At last, the dog, having received a smile from her owner, surrendered to the captivating influence that a human's gaze has on animals. She let out a soft whine of gentle affection and rested her front paws on her cherished companion's shoulders with unmatched ease and grace.
"Down, Ophelia, down!"
"Calm down, Ophelia!"
And the young man reproved the docile creature sternly in English, whereupon she crawled toward Madame Delmare, shamefaced and repentant, as if to implore her protection. But Madame Delmare did not emerge from her reverie, and allowed Ophelia's head to rest on her two white hands, as they lay clasped on her knee, without bestowing a caress upon her.
And the young man scolded the obedient creature firmly in English, after which she crawled toward Madame Delmare, embarrassed and remorseful, as if seeking her protection. But Madame Delmare didn’t come out of her daydream and let Ophelia's head rest on her two white hands, which were clasped on her knee, without giving her a comforting touch.
"Has that dog taken up her quarters in the salon for good?" said the colonel, secretly well-pleased to find a pretext for an outburst of ill-humor, to pass the time. "Be off to your kennel, Ophelia! Come, out with you, you stupid beast!"
"Has that dog made the salon her permanent spot?" said the colonel, secretly pleased to find an excuse to vent his annoyance and kill some time. "Get back to your kennel, Ophelia! Come on, out with you, you silly beast!"
If anyone had been watching Madame Delmare closely he could have divined, in that trivial and commonplace incident of her private life, the painful secret of her whole existence. An imperceptible shudder ran over her body, and her hands, in which she unconsciously held the favorite animal's head, closed nervously around her rough, hairy neck, as if to detain her and protect her. Whereupon Monsieur Delmare, drawing his hunting-crop from the pocket of his jacket, walked with a threatening air toward poor Ophelia, who crouched at his feet, closing her eyes, and whining with grief and fear in anticipation. Madame Delmare became even paler than usual; her bosom heaved convulsively, and, turning her great blue eyes upon her husband with an indescribable expression of terror, she said:
If anyone had been watching Madame Delmare closely, they could have figured out, from that trivial and ordinary moment in her private life, the painful secret of her entire existence. A slight shiver ran through her body, and her hands, which she was unconsciously using to hold her beloved pet's head, clenched nervously around its rough, hairy neck, as if to keep it close and protect it. Then Monsieur Delmare, pulling his hunting-crop out of his jacket pocket, approached poor Ophelia with a threatening demeanor. She huddled at his feet, shutting her eyes and whimpering with grief and fear in anticipation. Madame Delmare turned even paler than usual; her chest heaved uncontrollably, and looking at her husband with an indescribable expression of terror, she said:
"In pity's name, monsieur, do not kill her!"
"In pity's name, sir, please don't kill her!"
These few words gave the colonel a shock. A feeling of chagrin took the place of his angry impulse.
These few words shocked the colonel. A sense of embarrassment replaced his angry instinct.
"That, madame, is a reproof which I understand very well," he said, "and which you have never spared me since the day that I killed your spaniel in a moment of passion while hunting. He was a great loss, was he not? A dog that was forever forcing the hunting and rushing after the game! Whose patience would he not have exhausted? Indeed, you were not nearly so fond of him until he was dead; before that you paid little attention to him; but now that he gives you a pretext for blaming me—"
"That, madam, is a criticism I completely understand," he said, "and you have never let me forget it since the day I accidentally killed your spaniel in a moment of passion while hunting. He was quite a loss, wasn’t he? A dog who was always getting in the way and chasing after the game! Whose patience wouldn’t he have tested? Honestly, you didn’t care for him nearly as much until he was gone; before that, you barely paid him any attention; but now that he gives you a reason to blame me—"
"Have I ever reproached you?" said Madame Delmare in the gentle tone which we adopt from a generous impulse with those we love, and from self-esteem with those whom we do not love.
"Have I ever blamed you?" said Madame Delmare in the soft tone we use out of kindness with those we care about, and from pride with those we don’t care for.
"I did not say that you had," rejoined the colonel in a half-paternal, half-conjugal tone; "but the tears of some women contain bitterer reproaches than the fiercest imprecations of others. Morbleu! madame, you know perfectly well that I hate to see people weeping about me."
"I didn't say you did," the colonel replied in a tone that was partly fatherly and partly intimate. "But some women's tears carry more bitterness than the harshest curses from others. Morbleu! Madame, you know very well that I can't stand to see people crying because of me."
"I do not think that you ever see me weep."
"I don't think you've ever seen me cry."
"Even so! don't I constantly see you with red eyes? On my word, that's even worse!"
"Still! Don't I always see you with red eyes? Honestly, that's even worse!"
During this conjugal colloquy the young man had risen and put Ophelia out of the room with the greatest tranquillity; then he returned to his seat opposite Madame Delmare after lighting a candle and placing it on the chimney-piece.
During this conversation, the young man calmly rose and escorted Ophelia out of the room. He then returned to his seat across from Madame Delmare after lighting a candle and setting it on the mantelpiece.
This act, dictated purely by chance, exerted a sudden influence upon Monsieur Delmare's frame of mind. As soon as the light of the candle, which was more uniform and steadier than that of the fire, fell upon his wife, he observed the symptoms of suffering and general prostration which were manifest that evening in her whole person: in her weary attitude, in the long brown hair falling over her emaciated cheeks and in the purple rings beneath her dull, inflamed eyes. He took several turns up and down the room, then returned to his wife and, suddenly changing his tone:
This random act suddenly impacted Monsieur Delmare's mood. As soon as the candlelight, which was steadier and more consistent than the firelight, illuminated his wife, he noticed the signs of pain and exhaustion evident in her entire being that evening: her tired posture, the long brown hair cascading over her gaunt cheeks, and the dark circles under her lifeless, swollen eyes. He walked back and forth in the room a few times, then went back to his wife and, abruptly changing his tone:
"How do you feel to-day, Indiana?" he said, with the stupidity of a man whose heart and temperament are rarely in accord.
"How are you feeling today, Indiana?" he asked, with the dullness of someone whose emotions and personality rarely match.
"About as usual, thank you," she replied, with no sign of surprise or displeasure.
"About the same as usual, thanks," she said, without any hint of surprise or annoyance.
"'As usual' is no answer at all, or rather it's a woman's answer; a Norman answer, that means neither yes nor no, neither well nor ill."
"'As usual' is no answer at all, or rather it's a woman's answer; a Norman answer, which means neither yes nor no, neither good nor bad."
"Very good; I am neither well nor ill."
"Very good; I'm neither sick nor healthy."
"I say that you lie," he retorted with renewed roughness; "I know that you are not well; you have told Sir Ralph here that you are not. Tell me, isn't that the truth? Did she not tell you so, Monsieur Ralph?"
"I say you're lying," he shot back more harshly. "I know you're not well; you've told Sir Ralph here that you're not. Tell me, isn't that true? Didn't she tell you that, Monsieur Ralph?"
"She did," replied the phlegmatic individual addressed, paying no heed to the reproachful glance which Indiana bestowed upon him.
"She did," replied the calm person being addressed, ignoring the disapproving look that Indiana gave him.
At that moment a fourth person entered the room: it was the factotum of the household, formerly a sergeant in Monsieur Delmare's regiment.
At that moment, a fourth person walked into the room: it was the housekeeper, who used to be a sergeant in Monsieur Delmare's regiment.
He explained briefly to Monsieur Delmare that he had his reasons for believing that charcoal thieves had been in the park the last few nights at the same hour, and that he had come to ask for a gun to take with him in making his nightly round before locking the gates. Monsieur Delmare, scenting powder in the adventure, at once took down his fowling-piece, gave Lelièvre another, and started to leave the room.
He briefly explained to Monsieur Delmare that he had good reasons to believe that charcoal thieves had been in the park over the past few nights at the same time, and he had come to ask for a gun to take with him while making his nightly rounds before locking the gates. Sensing the excitement in the situation, Monsieur Delmare immediately grabbed his shotgun, handed Lelièvre another one, and began to leave the room.
"What!" said Madame Delmare in dismay, "you would kill a poor peasant on account of a few bags of charcoal?"
"What!" exclaimed Madame Delmare in shock, "you're really going to kill a poor peasant over a few bags of charcoal?"
"I will shoot down like a dog," retorted Delmare, irritated by this remonstrance, "any man whom I find prowling around my premises at night. If you knew the law, madame, you would know that it authorizes me to do it."
"I'll take down any guy I catch wandering around my place at night," Delmare shot back, annoyed by the warning. "If you understood the law, ma'am, you’d know it gives me the right to do that."
"It is a horrible law," said Indiana, warmly. But she quickly repressed this impulse and added in a lower tone: "But your rheumatism? You forget that it rains, and that you will suffer for it to-morrow if you go out to-night."
"It’s a terrible law," Indiana said passionately. But she quickly held back that feeling and added in a softer voice, "But what about your rheumatism? You’re forgetting that it’s going to rain, and you’ll be in pain tomorrow if you go out tonight."
"You are terribly afraid that you will have to nurse your old husband," replied Delmare, impatiently opening the door.
"You’re really scared that you’ll have to take care of your old husband," replied Delmare, impatiently opening the door.
And he left the room, still muttering about his age and his wife.
And he left the room, still grumbling about his age and his wife.
II
The two personages whom we have mentioned, Indiana Delmare and Sir Ralph, or, if you prefer, Monsieur Rodolphe Brown, continued to face each other, as calm and cold as if the husband were standing between them. The Englishman had no idea of justifying himself, and Madame Delmare realized that she had no serious grounds for reproaching him, for he had spoken with no evil intention. At last, making an effort, she broke the silence and upbraided him mildly.
The two characters we mentioned, Indiana Delmare and Sir Ralph, or if you prefer, Monsieur Rodolphe Brown, continued to face each other, as calm and cold as if her husband were standing between them. The Englishman didn’t feel the need to defend himself, and Madame Delmare understood that she had no real reason to blame him, since he had spoken without any bad intentions. Finally, summoning her courage, she broke the silence and gently scolded him.
"That was not well done of you, my dear Ralph," she said. "I had forbidden you to repeat the words that I let slip in a moment of pain, and Monsieur Delmare is the last person in the world whom I should want told of my trouble."
"That was not very nice of you, my dear Ralph," she said. "I told you not to repeat the words I let slip in a moment of pain, and Monsieur Delmare is the last person I would want to know about my trouble."
"I can't understand you, my dear," Sir Ralph replied; "you are ill and you refuse to take care of yourself. I had to choose between the chance of losing you and the necessity of letting your husband know."
"I can’t understand you, my dear," Sir Ralph replied; "you’re not well and you won’t take care of yourself. I had to decide between risking losing you and the need to inform your husband."
"Yes," said Madame Delmare, with a sad smile, "and you decided to notify the authorities."
"Yes," said Madame Delmare, with a sad smile, "and you chose to notify the authorities."
"You are wrong, you are wrong, on my word, to allow yourself to inveigh so against the colonel; he is a man of honor, a worthy man."
"You’re mistaken, you’re mistaken, I promise, for being so harsh against the colonel; he is a man of integrity, a respectable man."
"And who says that he's not, Sir Ralph?"
"And who says he's not, Sir Ralph?"
"Why, you do, without meaning to. Your depression, your ailing condition, and, as he himself observes, your red eyes, tell everybody every hour in the day that you are not happy."
"Actually, you do, even if you don't realize it. Your sadness, your poor health, and, as he himself points out, your red eyes, make it clear to everyone all day long that you're not happy."
"Hush, Sir Ralph, you go too far. I have never given you permission to find out so much."
"Hush, Sir Ralph, you're going too far. I've never given you permission to uncover so much."
"I anger you, I see; but what would you have! I am not clever; I am not acquainted with the subtle distinctions of your language, and then, too, I resemble your husband in many ways. Like him I am utterly in the dark as to what a man must say to a woman, either in English or in French, to console her. Another man would have conveyed to your mind, without putting it in words, the idea that I have just expressed so awkwardly; he would have had the art to insinuate himself into your confidence without allowing you to detect his progress, and perhaps he would have succeeded in affording some relief to your heart, which puts fetters on itself and locks itself up before me. This is not the first time that I have noticed how much more influence words have upon women than ideas, especially in France. Women more than——"
"I can see that I've upset you, but what do you want from me? I'm not clever; I don't understand the subtle nuances of your language, and I also have some similarities to your husband. Like him, I have no clue about what a man should say to comfort a woman, whether in English or French. Another guy might have communicated to you, without saying it outright, the idea I've just awkwardly expressed; he would have known how to get into your good graces without you noticing, and maybe he could have managed to ease the pain in your heart, which seems to trap and isolate itself around me. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed how much more power words have over women than ideas, especially in France. Women more than——"
"Oh! you have a profound contempt for women, my dear Ralph. I am alone here against two of you, so I must make up my mind never to be right."
"Oh! you have a deep disdain for women, my dear Ralph. I'm here alone against both of you, so I have to accept that I'll never be in the right."
"Put us in the wrong, my dear cousin, by recovering your health, your good spirits, your bloom, your animation of the old days; remember Ile Bourbon and that delightful retreat of ours, Bernica, and our happy childhood, and our friendship, which is as old as you are yourself."
"You're putting us in the wrong, my dear cousin, by getting your health back, your good spirits, your vitality, like the old days; remember Ile Bourbon and our lovely getaway, Bernica, our joyful childhood, and our friendship, which has lasted as long as you have."
"I remember my father, too," said Indiana, dwelling sadly upon the words and placing her hand in Sir Ralph's.
"I remember my dad, too," said Indiana, lingering sadly on the words and placing her hand in Sir Ralph's.
They relapsed into profound silence.
They fell into deep silence.
"Indiana," said Ralph, after a pause, "happiness is always within our reach. Often one has only to put out his hand to grasp it. What do you lack? You have modest competence, which is preferable to great wealth, an excellent husband, who loves you with all his heart, and, I dare to assert, a sincere and devoted friend."
"Indiana," Ralph said after a moment, "happiness is always within our reach. Often, you just have to reach out and grab it. What do you lack? You have a comfortable life, which is better than being rich, a great husband who loves you deeply, and, I believe, a true and loyal friend."
Madame Delmare pressed Sir Ralph's hand faintly, but she did not change her attitude; her head still hung forward on her breast and her tear-dimmed eyes were fixed on the magic effects produced by the embers.
Madame Delmare weakly squeezed Sir Ralph's hand, but she didn't change her position; her head still hung forward on her chest, and her tear-filled eyes were focused on the enchanting glow of the embers.
"Your depression, my dear friend," continued Sir Ralph, "is due purely to physical causes; which one of us can escape disappointment, vexation? Look below you and you will see people who envy you, and with good reason. Man is so constituted that he always aspires to what he has not."
"Your depression, my dear friend," continued Sir Ralph, "is simply caused by physical factors; which of us can avoid disappointment and frustration? Look around you and you'll see people who envy you, and for good reason. Humans are wired to always want what they don't have."
I spare you a multitude of other commonplaces which the excellent Sir Ralph put forth in a tone as monotonous and sluggish as his thoughts. It was not that Sir Ralph was a fool, but he was altogether out of his element. He lacked neither common sense nor shrewdness; but the rôle of consoler of women was, as he himself acknowledged, beyond his capacity. And this man had so little comprehension of another's grief, that with the best possible disposition to furnish a remedy, he could not touch it without inflaming it. He was so conscious of his awkwardness that he rarely ventured to take notice of his friend's sorrows; and on this occasion he made superhuman efforts to perform what he considered the most painful duty of friendship.
I’ll skip over a bunch of clichés that Sir Ralph shared in a tone as dull and slow as his thoughts. It wasn't that Sir Ralph was foolish, but he was completely out of his depth. He had plenty of common sense and was sharp, but the role of comforting women was, as he admitted, beyond what he could handle. This man understood very little about someone else's pain, so despite his best intentions to help, he ended up making it worse. He was so aware of his own awkwardness that he rarely addressed his friend's grief; and on this occasion, he made an enormous effort to fulfill what he thought was the hardest part of being a friend.
When he saw that Madame Delmare was obliged to make an effort to listen to him, he held his peace, and naught could be heard save the innumerable little voices whispering in the burning wood, the plaintive song of the log as it becomes heated and swells, the crackling of the bark as it curls before breaking, and the faint phosphorescent explosions of the alburnum, which emits a bluish flame. From time to time the baying of a dog mingled with the whistling of the wind through the cracks of the door and the beating of the rain against the windowpanes. That evening was one of the saddest that Madame Delmare had yet passed in her little manor-house in Brie.
When he noticed that Madame Delmare was struggling to listen to him, he fell silent, and all that could be heard was the countless little voices whispering in the burning wood, the mournful sound of the log as it heated and expanded, the crackling of the bark as it curled before breaking, and the faint phosphorescent bursts of the alburnum, which gave off a bluish flame. Occasionally, the barking of a dog mixed with the whistling of the wind slipping through the cracks of the door and the pounding of rain against the windowpanes. That evening was one of the saddest that Madame Delmare had ever spent in her small manor house in Brie.
Moreover, an indefinable vague feeling of suspense weighed upon that impressionable soul and its delicate fibres. Weak creatures live on alarms and presentiments. Madame Delmare had all the superstitions of a nervous, sickly Creole; certain nocturnal sounds, certain phases of the moon were to her unfailing presages of specific events, of impending misfortunes, and the night spoke to that dreamy, melancholy creature a language full of mysteries and phantoms which she alone could understand and translate according to her fears and her sufferings.
Moreover, an indescribable feeling of tension hung over that sensitive soul and its delicate emotions. Vulnerable individuals thrive on anxiety and premonitions. Madame Delmare carried all the superstitions of a nervous, frail Creole; certain nighttime sounds and phases of the moon were her reliable signs of particular occurrences, of looming misfortunes, and the night communicated to that dreamy, melancholic person a language filled with mysteries and shadows that only she could decipher and interpret based on her fears and her pain.
"You will say again that I am mad," she said, withdrawing her hand, which Sir Ralph still held, "but some disaster, I don't know what, is preparing to fall upon us. Some danger is impending over someone—myself, no doubt—but, look you, Ralph, I feel intensely agitated, as at the approach of a great crisis in my destiny. I am afraid," she added, with a shudder, "I feel faint."
"You’ll say again that I'm crazy," she said, pulling her hand away from Sir Ralph's grasp, "but some disaster, I don't know what, is about to happen to us. There's some danger looming over someone—probably me—but, listen, Ralph, I feel very anxious, like something big is on the horizon for my future. I'm scared," she added, shivering, "I feel weak."
And her lips became as white as her cheeks. Sir Ralph, terrified, not by Madame Delmare's presentiments, which he looked upon as symptoms of extreme mental exhaustion, but by her deathly pallor, pulled the bell-rope violently to summon assistance. No one came, and as Indiana grew weaker and weaker, Sir Ralph, more alarmed in proportion, moved her away from the fire, deposited her in a reclining chair, and ran through the house at random, calling the servants, looking for water or salts, finding nothing, breaking all the bell-ropes, losing his way in the labyrinth of dark rooms, and wringing his hands with impatience and anger against himself.
And her lips turned as white as her cheeks. Sir Ralph, terrified not by Madame Delmare's premonitions, which he saw as signs of extreme mental strain, but by her ghostly pallor, yanked the bell-rope hard to call for help. No one came, and as Indiana became weaker, Sir Ralph grew more alarmed; he moved her away from the fire, settled her in a reclining chair, and dashed through the house aimlessly, yelling for the servants, searching for water or salts, finding nothing, breaking all the bell-ropes, getting lost in the maze of dark rooms, and wringing his hands in frustration and anger with himself.
At last it occurred to him to open the glass door that led into the park, and to call alternately Lelièvre and Noun, Madame Delmare's Creole maid.
At last, it occurred to him to open the glass door that led into the park and to call out alternately for Lelièvre and Noun, Madame Delmare's Creole maid.
A few moments later Noun appeared from one of the dark paths in the park, and hastily inquired if Madame Delmare were worse than usual.
A few moments later, Noun came out from one of the dark paths in the park and quickly asked if Madame Delmare was doing worse than usual.
"She is really ill," replied Sir Ralph.
"She's really sick," replied Sir Ralph.
They returned to the salon and devoted themselves to the task of restoring the unconscious Madame Delmare, one with all the ardor of useless and awkward zeal, the other with the skill and efficacy of womanly affection.
They went back to the salon and dedicated themselves to the task of reviving the unconscious Madame Delmare, one with the enthusiasm of futile and clumsy effort, the other with the expertise and effectiveness of feminine care.
Noun was Madame Delmare's foster-sister; the two young women had been brought up together and loved each other dearly. Noun was tall and strong, glowing with health, active, alert, overflowing with ardent, passionate creole blood; and she far outshone with her resplendent beauty the frail and pallid charms of Madame Delmare; but the tenderness of their hearts and the strength of their attachment killed every feeling of feminine rivalry.
Noun was Madame Delmare's foster sister; the two women were raised together and loved each other dearly. Noun was tall and strong, full of health, energetic, alert, and brimming with passionate Creole spirit. She easily eclipsed Madame Delmare's delicate and pale beauty with her radiant looks; however, the kindness of their hearts and the depth of their bond eliminated any hint of rivalry between them.
When Madame Delmare recovered consciousness, the first thing that she observed was the unusual expression of her maid's features, the damp and disordered condition of her hair and the excitement which was manifest in her every movement.
When Madame Delmare woke up, the first thing she noticed was the strange look on her maid's face, the wet and messy state of her hair, and the excitement that was evident in everything she did.
"Courage, my poor child," she said kindly; "my illness is more disastrous to you than to myself. Why, Noun, you are the one to take care of yourself; you are growing thin and weeping as if it were not your destiny to live; dear Noun, life is so bright and fair before you!"
"Courage, my dear child," she said gently; "my illness affects you more than it affects me. Why, Noun, you need to take care of yourself; you’re getting thin and crying like it’s not your fate to live; dear Noun, life is so bright and beautiful ahead of you!"
Noun pressed Madame Delmare's hand to her lips effusively, and said, in a sort of frenzy, glancing wildly about the room:
Noun pressed Madame Delmare's hand to her lips with enthusiasm and said, in a kind of frenzy, glancing around the room wildly:
"Mon Dieu! madame, do you know why Monsieur Delmare is in the park?"
"Oh my God! Ma'am, do you know why Mr. Delmare is in the park?"
"Why?" echoed Indiana, losing instantly the faint flush that had reappeared on her cheeks. "Wait a moment—I don't know—You frighten me! What is the matter, pray?"
"Why?" echoed Indiana, instantly losing the slight color that had returned to her cheeks. "Wait a minute—I don't understand—You’re scaring me! What’s going on, please?"
"Monsieur Delmare declares that there are thieves in the park," replied Noun in a broken voice. "He is making the rounds with Lelièvre, both armed with guns."
"Monsieur Delmare says there are thieves in the park," replied Noun in a shaky voice. "He's going around with Lelièvre, and they're both armed with guns."
"Well?" said Indiana, apparently expecting some shocking news.
"Well?" Indiana said, clearly waiting for some surprising news.
"Why, madame," rejoined Noun, clasping her hands frantically, "isn't it horrible to think that they are going to kill a man?"
"Why, ma'am," replied Noun, frantically clasping her hands, "isn't it terrible to think that they're going to kill a man?"
"Kill a man!" cried Madame Delmare, springing to her feet with the terrified credulity of a child frightened by it's nurse's tales.
"Kill a man!" shouted Madame Delmare, jumping to her feet with the terrified belief of a child scared by its nurse's stories.
"Ah! yes, they will kill him," said Noun, stifling her sobs.
"Ah! yes, they will kill him," said Noun, holding back her tears.
"These two women are mad," thought Sir Ralph, who was watching this strange scene with a bewildered air. "Indeed," he added mentally, "all women are."
"These two women are crazy," thought Sir Ralph, who was watching this strange scene with a confused look. "In fact," he added in his mind, "all women are."
"But why do you say that, Noun," continued Madame Delmare; "do you believe that there are any thieves there?"
"But why do you say that, Noun?" continued Madame Delmare. "Do you think there are any thieves there?"
"Oh! if they were really thieves! but some poor peasant perhaps, who has come to pick up a handful of wood for his family!"
"Oh! What if they are just thieves! But maybe it's just a poor peasant who has come to gather some firewood for his family!"
"Yes, that would be ghastly, as you say! But it is not probable; right at the entrance to Fontainebleau forest, when it is so easy to steal wood there, nobody would take the risk of a park enclosed by walls. Bah! Monsieur Delmare won't find anybody in the park, so don't you be afraid."
"Yeah, that would be terrible, as you say! But it’s not likely; right at the entrance to Fontainebleau forest, where it’s so easy to steal wood, no one would take the risk of a walled park. Come on! Monsieur Delmare won’t find anyone in the park, so don’t worry."

MADAME DELMARE DRESSES DE
RAMIÈRES WOUNDS.
MADAME DELMARE DRESSES DE
RAMIÈRES WOUNDS.
A mattress was placed on several chairs, and Indiana, assisted by her women, busied herself in dressing the wounded hand, while Sir Ralph, who had some surgical knowledge, drew a large quantity of blood from him.
A mattress was set up on a few chairs, and Indiana, with help from her women, focused on bandaging the injured hand, while Sir Ralph, who had some medical knowledge, extracted a significant amount of blood from him.
But Noun was not listening; she walked from the window to her mistress's chair, her ears strained to catch the slightest sound; she seemed torn between the longing to run after Monsieur Delmare and the desire to remain with the invalid.
But Noun wasn’t listening; she walked from the window to her mistress's chair, her ears straining to catch the slightest sound; she seemed torn between the urge to run after Monsieur Delmare and the wish to stay with the sick person.
Her anxiety seemed so strange, so uncalled-for to Monsieur Brown, that he laid aside his customary mildness of manner, and said, grasping her arm roughly:
Her anxiety felt so odd, so unnecessary to Monsieur Brown, that he put aside his usual calm demeanor and said, gripping her arm roughly:
"Have you lost your wits altogether? don't you see that you frighten your mistress and that your absurd alarms have a disastrous effect upon her?"
"Have you completely lost your mind? Don't you see that you're scaring your mistress and that your silly panic is having a terrible impact on her?"
Noun did not hear him; she had turned her eyes upon her mistress, who had just started on her chair as if the concussion of the air had imparted an electric shock to her senses. Almost at the same instant the report of a gun shook the windows of the salon, and Noun fell upon her knees.
Noun didn't hear him; she had turned her gaze to her mistress, who had just jolted in her chair as if a wave of energy had hit her. Almost immediately, the sound of a gunshot rattled the windows of the living room, and Noun dropped to her knees.
"What miserable woman's terrors!" cried Sir Ralph, worn out by their emotion; "in a moment a dead rabbit will be brought to you in triumph, and you will laugh at yourselves."
"What miserable woman's fears!" exclaimed Sir Ralph, exhausted by their emotions; "in a moment, a dead rabbit will be brought to you in triumph, and you'll laugh at yourselves."
"No, Ralph," said Madame Delmare, walking with a firm step toward the door, "I tell you that human blood has been shed."
"No, Ralph," said Madame Delmare, walking confidently toward the door, "I'm telling you that human blood has been shed."
Noun uttered a piercing shriek and fell upon her face.
Noun let out a sharp scream and collapsed onto her face.
The next moment they heard Lelièvre's voice in the park:
The next moment, they heard Lelièvre's voice in the park:
"He's there! he's there! Well aimed, my colonel! the brigand is down!"
"He's here! He's here! Nice shot, Colonel! The outlaw is down!"
Sir Ralph began to be excited. He followed Madame Delmare. A few moments later a man covered with blood and giving no sign of life was brought under the peristyle.
Sir Ralph began to feel a rush of excitement. He followed Madame Delmare. A few moments later, a man covered in blood and showing no signs of life was brought under the colonnade.
"Not so much noise! less shrieking!" said the colonel with rough gayety to the terrified servants who crowded around the wounded man; "this is only a joke; my gun was loaded with nothing but salt. Indeed I don't think I touched him; he fell from fright."
"Not so much noise! Less screaming!" said the colonel with a rough cheerfulness to the scared servants who were gathered around the injured man. "This is just a joke; my gun was loaded with nothing but salt. Honestly, I don’t think I even hit him; he fell from fright."
"But what about this blood, monsieur?" said Madame Delmare in a profoundly reproachful tone, "was it fear that caused it to flow?"
"But what about this blood, sir?" said Madame Delmare in a deeply reproachful tone, "was it fear that made it flow?"
"Why are you here, madame?" cried Monsieur Delmare, "what are you doing here?"
"Why are you here, ma'am?" shouted Monsieur Delmare, "what are you doing here?"
"I have come to repair the harm that you have done, as it is my duty to do," replied Madame Delmare coldly.
"I've come to fix the damage you've caused, as it's my responsibility to do so," Madame Delmare replied coldly.
She walked up to the wounded man with a courage of which no one of the persons present had as yet felt capable, and held a light to his face. Thereupon, instead of the plebeian features and garments which they expected to see, they discovered a young man with noble features and fashionably dressed, albeit in hunting costume. He had a trifling wound on one hand, but his torn clothes and his swoon indicated a serious fall.
She approached the injured man with a courage no one present had felt capable of, and held a light to his face. Instead of the common looks and clothes they expected, they found a young man with noble features, dressed fashionably in hunting attire. He had a small wound on one hand, but his torn clothes and the state he was in indicated a serious fall.
"I should say as much!" said Lelièvre; "he fell from a height of twenty feet. He was just putting his leg over the wall when the colonel fired, and a few grains of small shot or salt in the right hand prevented his getting a hold. The fact is, I saw him fall, and when he got to the bottom he wasn't thinking much about running away, poor devil!"
"I should say so!" said Lelièvre; "he fell from a height of twenty feet. He was just about to swing his leg over the wall when the colonel fired, and a few pellets of shot or salt in his right hand made it impossible for him to get a grip. The truth is, I saw him fall, and when he hit the ground, he definitely wasn't thinking about making a run for it, poor guy!"
"Would any one believe," said one of the female servants, "that a man so nicely dressed would amuse himself by stealing?"
"Can you believe," said one of the female servants, "that a man who looks so well-dressed would actually entertain himself by stealing?"
"And his pockets are full of money!" said another, who had unbuttoned the supposed thief's waistcoat.
"And his pockets are full of cash!" said another, who had unbuttoned the supposed thief's jacket.
"It is very strange," said the colonel, gazing, not without emotion, at the man stretched out before him. "If the man is dead it's not my fault; examine his hand, madame, and see if you can find a particle of lead in it."
"It’s really odd," said the colonel, looking, not without feeling, at the man lying in front of him. "If he’s dead, it’s not my fault; check his hand, ma'am, and see if you can find a trace of lead in it."
"I prefer to believe you, monsieur," replied Madame Delmare, who, with a self-possession and moral courage of which no one would have deemed her capable, was closely scrutinizing his pulse and the arteries of his neck. "Certainly," she added, "he is not dead, and he requires speedy attention. The man hasn't the appearance of a thief and perhaps he deserves our care; even if he does not deserve it, our duty calls upon us women to care for him none the less."
"I prefer to believe you, sir," replied Madame Delmare, who, with a calmness and strength of character that no one would have expected from her, was closely checking his pulse and the arteries in his neck. "Absolutely," she added, "he is not dead, and he needs immediate help. The man doesn't look like a thief, and maybe he deserves our care; even if he doesn't, it's our duty as women to take care of him anyway."
Thereupon Madame Delmare ordered the wounded man to be carried to the billiard room, which was nearest. A mattress was placed on several chairs, and Indiana, assisted by her women, busied herself in dressing the wounded hand, while Sir Ralph, who had some surgical knowledge, drew a large quantity of blood from him.
Thereupon Madame Delmare ordered the injured man to be taken to the billiard room, which was the closest. A mattress was set up on several chairs, and Indiana, with help from her women, focused on treating the injured hand, while Sir Ralph, who had some medical knowledge, drew a significant amount of blood from him.
Meanwhile, the colonel, much embarrassed, found himself in the position of a man who has shown more ill-temper than he intended to show. He felt the necessity of justifying himself in the eyes of the others, or rather of making them justify him in his own eyes. So he had remained under the peristyle, surrounded by his servants, and indulging with them in the excited, prolix and perfectly useless disquisitions which are always forthcoming after the event. Lelièvre had already explained twenty times, with the most minute details, the shot, the fall and its results, while the colonel, who had recovered his good-nature among his own people, according to his custom, after giving way to his anger, impeached the purposes of a man who entered private property in the night-time over the wall. Every one agreed with the master, when the gardener, quietly leading him aside, assured him that the thief was the living image of a young land-owner who had recently settled in the neighborhood, and whom he had seen talking with Mademoiselle Noun three days before at the rustic fête at Rubelles.
Meanwhile, the colonel, feeling quite embarrassed, found himself in the position of someone who has displayed more bad temper than he meant to. He felt the need to justify himself in front of others, or rather, to get them to justify him in his own eyes. So he stayed under the porch, surrounded by his servants, engaging in the excited, lengthy, and completely pointless discussions that always happen after an event. Lelièvre had already explained the shot, the fall, and its consequences twenty times, with the most minute details, while the colonel, having regained his composure among his own people as was his habit after losing his temper, criticized the intentions of a man who trespassed onto private property at night by climbing over the wall. Everyone agreed with the colonel until the gardener, quietly pulling him aside, assured him that the thief looked just like a young landowner who had recently moved into the area and whom he had seen speaking with Mademoiselle Noun three days earlier at the local festival in Rubelles.
This information gave a different turn to Monsieur Delmare's ideas; on his ample forehead, bald and glistening, appeared a huge swollen vein, which was always the precursor of a tempest.
This information changed Monsieur Delmare's perspective; on his broad, shiny bald forehead, a large swollen vein appeared, signaling an impending storm.
"Morbleu!" he said, clenching his fists, "Madame Delmare takes a deal of interest in this puppy, who sneaks into my park over the wall!"
"Wow!" he said, clenching his fists, "Madame Delmare really cares about this little pup who sneaks into my park over the wall!"
And he entered the billiard room, pale and trembling with wrath.
And he walked into the billiard room, pale and shaking with anger.
III
"You may be reassured, monsieur," said Indiana; "the man you killed will be quite well in a few days; at least we hope so, although he is not yet able to talk."
"You can relax, sir," said Indiana; "the man you hurt will be fine in a few days; at least we hope so, even though he can't speak yet."
"That's not the question, madame," said the colonel, in a voice that trembled with suppressed passion; "I insist upon knowing the name of this interesting patient of yours, and how it came about that he mistook the wall of my park for the avenue to my house."
"That’s not the question, ma'am," the colonel said, his voice shaking with barely contained emotion. "I need to know the name of this intriguing patient of yours and how he ended up confusing the wall of my park for the driveway to my house."
"I have absolutely no idea," replied Madame Delmare with such a cold and haughty air that her redoubtable spouse was bewildered for an instant.
"I have no idea at all," replied Madame Delmare with such a cold and haughty attitude that her formidable husband was confused for a moment.
But his jealous suspicions soon regained the upper hand.
But his jealous suspicions quickly took control again.
"I shall find out, madame," he said in an undertone; "you may be sure that I shall find out."
"I'll find out, ma'am," he said quietly; "you can be sure I will."
Thereupon, as Madame Delmare pretended not to notice his rage and continued her attentions to the wounded man, he left the room, in order not to explode before the women, and recalled the gardener.
Thereupon, as Madame Delmare acted like she didn't see his anger and kept focusing on the injured man, he left the room to avoid losing his temper in front of the women and called for the gardener.
"What is the name of the man who, you say, resembles our prowler?"
"What’s the name of the guy who, you say, looks like our intruder?"
"Monsieur de Ramière. It is he who has just bought Monsieur de Cercy's little English house."
"Monsieur de Ramière. He's the one who just bought Monsieur de Cercy's small English house."
"What sort of man is he? a nobleman, a fop, a fine gentleman?"
"What kind of man is he? A nobleman, a dandy, a refined gentleman?"
"A fine gentleman, monsieur; noble, I think."
"A classy guy, sir; noble, I suppose."
"Undoubtedly," rejoined the colonel with emphasis. "Monsieur de Ramière! Tell me, Louis," he added, lowering his voice, "have you ever seen this fop prowling about here?"
"Definitely," the colonel replied with emphasis. "Monsieur de Ramière! Tell me, Louis," he continued, lowering his voice, "have you ever seen this dandy wandering around here?"
"Last night, monsieur," Louis replied, with an embarrassed air, "I certainly saw—as to its being a fop, I can't say, but it was a man, sure enough."
"Last night, sir," Louis replied, looking embarrassed, "I definitely saw—whether he was a dandy, I can't say, but it was a man, for sure."
"And you saw him?"
"Did you see him?"
"As plainly as I see you, under the windows of the orangery."
"As clearly as I see you, standing under the windows of the orangery."
"And you didn't fall upon him with the handle of your shovel?"
"And you didn’t hit him with the handle of your shovel?"
"I was just going to do it, monsieur; but I saw a woman in white come out of the orangery and go to meet him. At that I said to myself: 'Perhaps it's monsieur and madame, who have taken a fancy to walk a bit before daybreak;' and I went back to bed. But this morning I heard Lelièvre talking about a thief whose tracks he had seen in the park, and I said to myself: 'There's something under this.'"
"I was just about to do it, sir, but then I saw a woman in white come out of the orangery and go to meet him. At that moment, I thought, 'Maybe it's you and your wife, taking a stroll before dawn,' so I went back to bed. But this morning, I heard Lelièvre talking about a thief whose footprints he had seen in the park, and I thought, 'There's something going on here.'"
"And why didn't you tell me immediately, stupid?"
"And why didn't you tell me right away, you idiot?"
"Dame! monsieur, there are some things in life that are so delicate!"
"Wow! Sir, there are some things in life that are so fragile!"
"I understand—you presume to have doubts. You are a fool; if you ever have another insolent idea of this sort I'll cut off your ears. I know very well who the thief is and why he came into the garden. I have put all these questions to you simply to find out what care you take of your orangery. Remember that I have some rare plants there that madame sets great store by, and that there are collectors who are insane enough to rob their neighbors' hothouses; it was I whom you saw last night with Madame Delmare."
"I get it—you think you have doubts. You're foolish; if you ever have another rude thought like this, I’ll cut off your ears. I know exactly who the thief is and why he came into the garden. I asked you these questions just to see how well you care for your orangery. Remember, I have some rare plants there that Madame values a lot, and there are collectors who are crazy enough to steal from their neighbors' hothouses; it was me you saw last night with Madame Delmare."
And the poor colonel walked away, more tormented, more exasperated than before, leaving his gardener far from convinced that there are horticulturists fanatical enough to risk a bullet in order to purloin a shoot or a cutting.
And the poor colonel walked away, more tortured and frustrated than before, leaving his gardener far from convinced that there are plant enthusiasts who are crazy enough to risk a bullet just to steal a shoot or a cutting.
Monsieur Delmare returned to the billiard-room and, paying no heed to the symptoms of returning consciousness which the wounded man displayed at last, he was preparing to search the pockets of his jacket which lay on a chair, when he put out his hand and said in a faint voice:
Monsieur Delmare went back to the billiard room and, ignoring the signs that the injured man was starting to regain consciousness, he was getting ready to search the pockets of the jacket that was draped over a chair when the man raised his hand and spoke in a weak voice:
"You wish to know who I am, monsieur, but it is useless. I will tell you when we are alone. Until then spare me the embarrassment of making myself known in my present disagreeable and absurd position."
"You want to know who I am, sir, but it's pointless. I'll tell you when we're alone. Until then, please spare me the embarrassment of revealing myself in my current awkward and ridiculous situation."
"It is a great pity in truth!" retorted the colonel sourly; "but I confess that I hardly appreciate it. However, as I trust that we shall meet again, and alone, I consent to defer an acquaintance until then. Meanwhile will you kindly tell me where I shall have you taken."
"It’s truly a shame!" the colonel replied sourly; "but I admit I don't really get it. However, since I hope we’ll meet again, just the two of us, I agree to hold off on getting to know you until then. In the meantime, could you please let me know where I should have you taken?"
"To the public house in the nearest village, if you please."
"To the pub in the nearest village, if you don’t mind."
"But monsieur is no condition to be moved, is he, Ralph?" said Madame Delmare hastily.
"But sir is not in a condition to be moved, right, Ralph?" said Madame Delmare quickly.
"Monsieur's condition affects you far too much, madame," said the colonel. "Leave the room, all of you," he said to the women in attendance. "Monsieur feels better, and he will find strength now to explain his presence on my premises."
"Monsieur's condition impacts you way too much, madame," said the colonel. "Everyone else, please leave the room," he said to the women present. "Monsieur is feeling better, and he will now have the strength to explain why he's here."
"Yes, monsieur," rejoined the wounded man, "and I beg all those who have been kind enough to bestow any care upon me to listen to my acknowledgment of my misconduct. I feel that is of much importance that there should be no misunderstanding here of my motives, and it is of importance to myself that I should not be deemed what I am not. Let me tell you then what rascally scheme brought me to your park. You have installed, monsieur, by methods of extreme simplicity, known to you alone, a factory which is immeasurably superior to all similar factories in the province, both in respect to its processes and its product. My brother owns a very similar establishment in the south of France, but the cost of running it is enormous. His business was approaching shipwreck when I learned of the success of your venture; whereupon I determined to come and ask you to give me advice on certain points,—a generous service which could not possibly injure your own interests, as my brother's output is of an entirely different nature from yours. But the gate of your English garden was rigorously closed to me; and when I asked for an interview with you, I was told that you would not even allow me to look over your establishment. Repelled by these discourteous refusals, I determined to save my brother's life and honor even at the peril of my own; I entered your premises at night by scaling the wall, and tried to obtain entrance to the factory in order to examine the machinery. I had determined to hide in a corner; to bribe your workmen, to steal your secret,—in a word, to enable an honest man to profit by it without injuring you. Such was my crime. Now, monsieur, if you demand any other reparation than that which you have just taken, I am ready to offer it to you as soon as I am strong enough; indeed, I may perhaps demand it."
"Yes, sir," replied the injured man, "and I ask all those who have been kind enough to care for me to hear my acknowledgment of my wrongdoing. I feel it's very important that there’s no misunderstanding about my motives, and it's important to me that I’m not seen as something I’m not. Let me explain the dishonest scheme that brought me to your park. You have set up a factory, through methods that are incredibly simple and known only to you, which is vastly superior to all similar factories in the area, both in terms of its processes and products. My brother owns a similar business in the south of France, but it's extremely costly to run. His business was on the verge of failure when I learned of your success; so, I decided to come and ask you for advice on a few matters—a generous favor that couldn’t possibly harm your interests, as my brother's production is completely different from yours. But the gate to your English garden was firmly closed to me; and when I asked for a meeting with you, I was told that you wouldn’t even let me look at your establishment. Rejected by these rude declines, I resolved to save my brother's life and dignity, even at the risk of my own; I entered your premises at night by climbing over the wall and tried to get inside the factory to inspect the machinery. I had planned to hide in a corner, bribe your workers, steal your secret—in short, to help an honest man benefit from it without harming you. That was my crime. Now, sir, if you require any other reparation beyond what you've just taken, I am ready to offer it as soon as I am strong enough; in fact, I may even demand it."
"I think that we should cry quits, monsieur," replied the colonel, half relieved from a great anxiety. "Take notice, all of you, of the explanation monsieur has given me. I am over-avenged, assuming that I require any revenge. Go now and leave us to discuss my profitable business operations."
"I think we should call it a day, sir," replied the colonel, feeling somewhat relieved from a heavy worry. "Everyone, pay attention to the explanation this gentleman has given me. I’ve gotten more than my fair share of revenge, assuming I even needed any. Now go and leave us to talk about my successful business dealings."
The servants left the room; but they alone were deceived by this reconciliation. The wounded man, weakened by his long speech, was not capable of appreciating the tone of the colonel's last words. He fell back into Madame Delmare's arms and lost consciousness a second time. She leaned over him, not deigning to raise her eyes to her angry husband, and the two strikingly contrasted faces of Monsieur Delmare and Monsieur Brown, the one pale and distorted by anger, the other calm and expressionless as usual, questioned each other in silence.
The servants left the room, but they were the only ones tricked by this make-up. The injured man, exhausted from his long speech, couldn't grasp the tone of the colonel's last words. He collapsed back into Madame Delmare's arms and lost consciousness again. She leaned over him, not bothering to look up at her furious husband, while the two contrasting faces of Monsieur Delmare and Monsieur Brown—one pale and twisted with anger, the other calm and devoid of expression as always—silent questioned each other.
Monsieur Delmare did not need to say a word to make himself understood; however he drew Sir Ralph aside and said, crushing his fingers in his grasp:
Monsieur Delmare didn’t need to say anything to get his point across; however, he pulled Sir Ralph aside and said, squeezing his fingers in his grip:
"This is an admirably woven intrigue, my friend. I am delighted, perfectly delighted with this young fellow's quick wit, which enabled him to save my honor in the eyes of my servants. But, mordieu! he shall pay dear for the insult, which I feel in the depths of my heart. And that woman nursing him, who pretends not to know him! Ah! how true it is that cunning is inborn in those creatures!"
"This is an impressively crafted plot, my friend. I’m thrilled, absolutely thrilled with this young guy's quick wit, which helped him save my reputation in front of my servants. But, damn! he will pay dearly for the insult, which I feel deeply in my heart. And that woman taking care of him, who acts like she doesn’t know him! Ah! how true it is that cleverness is innate in those people!"
Sir Ralph, utterly nonplussed, walked methodically up and down the room three times. At his first turn he drew the conclusion: improbable; at the second: impossible; at the third: proven. Then, returning with his impassive face to the colonel, he pointed to Noun, who was standing behind the wounded man, wringing her hands, with haggard eyes and livid cheeks, in the immobility of despair, terror and misery.
Sir Ralph, completely baffled, paced back and forth in the room three times. On his first pass, he concluded: unlikely; on the second: impossible; and on the third: proven. Then, returning to the colonel with a blank expression, he pointed to Noun, who stood behind the injured man, wringing her hands, with tired eyes and pale cheeks, frozen in despair, fear, and misery.
A real discovery carries with it such a power of swift and overwhelming conviction, that the colonel was more impressed by Sir Ralph's emphatic gesture than he would have been by the most persuasive eloquence. Doubtless Sir Ralph had more than one means of striking the right scent; he recalled the fact that Noun was in the park when he called her, her wet hair, her damp, muddy shoes, which testified to a strange fancy for walking abroad in the rain—trivial details which had made but slight impression on him at the time that Madame Delmare fainted, but which recurred to his memory now. Then, too, the extraordinary terror she had manifested, her convulsive agitation, and the cry she had uttered when she heard the shot.
A real discovery has such a strong, immediate impact that the colonel was more struck by Sir Ralph's emphatic gesture than he would have been by the most convincing speech. Clearly, Sir Ralph had more than one way to pick up on the right clues; he remembered that Noun was in the park when he called her, her wet hair and her damp, muddy shoes, which showed a strange preference for walking outside in the rain—little details that he hadn't thought much about when Madame Delmare fainted, but which came back to him now. Also, there was the intense fear she had shown, her shaking agitation, and the scream she let out when she heard the shot.
Monsieur Delmare did not require all this evidence; being more penetrating because he had more interest in the matter, he had only to look at the girl's face to see that she alone was guilty. But his wife's assiduity in ministering to the hero of this amorous adventure became more and more distasteful to him.
Monsieur Delmare didn't need all this proof; he was more perceptive because he cared more about the situation, and just by looking at the girl's face, he could tell she was the only one at fault. However, his wife's constant attention to the guy in this love affair was becoming increasingly unpleasant for him.
"Leave us, Indiana," he said. "It is late and you are not well. Noun will remain with monsieur to take care of him during the night, and to-morrow, if he is better, we will see about having him taken home."
"Get some rest, Indiana," he said. "It's late and you're not feeling well. Noun will stay with monsieur to look after him tonight, and tomorrow, if he's feeling better, we'll figure out how to get him home."
There was nothing to say in reply to this unexpected complaisance. Madame Delmare, who was so determined in her resistance to her husband's violence, always yielded to his milder moods. She requested Sir Ralph to remain a little longer with the patient, and withdrew to her bedroom.
There was nothing to say in response to this surprising friendliness. Madame Delmare, who was so stubborn in her opposition to her husband's aggression, always gave in to his gentler moments. She asked Sir Ralph to stay a bit longer with the patient and went to her bedroom.
Not without ulterior motives had the colonel arranged things thus. An hour later, when everybody had gone to bed and the house was still, he stole softly into the room where Monsieur de Ramière lay, and, hiding behind a curtain, was speedily convinced, by the young man's conversation with the lady's-maid, that an amorous intrigue between the two was in progress. The young creole's unusual beauty had created a sensation at the rustic balls in the neighborhood. She had not lacked offers of homage, even from members of some of the first families of the province. More than one handsome officer of lancers, in garrison at Melun, had put himself out to please her; but Noun was still to have her first love affair, and only one of her suitors had succeeded in pleasing her: Monsieur de Ramière.
Not without hidden motives had the colonel set things up this way. An hour later, when everyone had gone to bed and the house was quiet, he quietly slipped into the room where Monsieur de Ramière was lying and, hiding behind a curtain, quickly became convinced, by the young man's conversation with the lady's maid, that a romantic affair was happening between the two. The young Creole's unusual beauty had stirred up quite a buzz at the local dances in the area. She had received plenty of attention, even from some of the most prominent families in the province. More than one handsome lancer officer stationed at Melun had tried to win her favor, but Noun was yet to have her first love affair, and only one of her suitors had managed to capture her interest: Monsieur de Ramière.
Colonel Delmare was by no means desirous of following the development of their liaison; so he retired as soon as he had made sure that his wife had not for an instant occupied the thoughts of the Almaviva of this adventure. He heard enough of it, however, to realize the difference between the love of poor Noun, who threw herself into the affair with all the vehemence of her passionate nature, and that of the well-born youth, who yielded to the impulse of a day without abjuring the right to resume his reason on the morrow.
Colonel Delmare was definitely not interested in keeping track of their relationship, so he stepped back as soon as he confirmed that his wife hadn't crossed the mind of the Almaviva in this situation. However, he heard enough to see the contrast between the love of poor Noun, who threw herself into the relationship with all the intensity of her passionate nature, and that of the privileged young man, who followed the moment's impulse without giving up his ability to think clearly the next day.
When Madame Delmare awoke she found Noun beside her bed, embarrassed and downcast. But she had ingenuously given credence to Monsieur de Ramière's explanation, the more readily as persons interested in Monsieur Delmare's line of trade had previously tried to surprise the secrets of the Delmare factory, by stratagem or by fraud. She attributed her companion's embarrassment therefore to the excitement and fatigue of the night, and Noun took courage when she saw the colonel calmly enter his wife's room and discuss the affair of the previous evening with her as a perfectly natural occurrence.
When Madame Delmare woke up, she saw Noun beside her bed, feeling embarrassed and down. However, she had naively believed Monsieur de Ramière's explanation, especially since people interested in Monsieur Delmare's business had previously tried to uncover the secrets of the Delmare factory through tricks or deceit. She thought her companion's embarrassment was due to the excitement and exhaustion of the night, and Noun felt reassured when she saw the colonel walk into his wife's room and talk about the events from the previous evening as if it were completely normal.
In the morning Sir Ralph had satisfied himself as to the patient's condition. The fall, although a severe one, had had no serious result; the wound in the hand had already closed; Monsieur de Ramière had expressed a desire to be taken to Melun, and he had distributed the contents of his purse among the servants to induce them to keep quiet concerning his adventure, in order, he said, that his mother, who lived within a few leagues, might not be alarmed. Thus the story became known very slowly, and in several different versions. Certain information concerning the English factory of Monsieur de Ramière, the brother, added weight to the fiction the intruder had happily improvised. The colonel and Sir Ralph had the delicacy to keep Noun's secret, without even letting her know that they knew it; and the Delmare family soon ceased to give any thought to the incident.
In the morning, Sir Ralph made sure he understood the patient's condition. The fall, while serious, hadn’t caused any major issue; the wound on the hand had already healed; Monsieur de Ramière wanted to be taken to Melun and had given some money to the servants to keep quiet about his situation, saying it was to avoid alarming his mother, who lived nearby. As a result, the story spread slowly and in various versions. Some information about the English factory run by Monsieur de Ramière, the brother, added credibility to the story the intruder had cleverly created. The colonel and Sir Ralph were careful to keep Noun's secret, without even letting her know they were aware of it; and the Delmare family quickly stopped thinking about the incident.
IV
You will find it difficult to believe perhaps that Monsieur de Ramière, a young man of brilliant intellect, considerable talents and many estimable qualities, accustomed to salon triumphs and to adventures in perfumed boudoirs, had conceived a very durable passion for the housekeeper in the household of a small manufacturer in Brie. And yet Monsieur de Ramière was neither fop nor libertine. We have said that he was intelligent—that is to say, he appreciated the advantages of birth at their real value. He was a man of high principle when he argued with himself; but vehement passions often carried him beyond the bounds of his theories. At such times he was incapable of reflection, or he avoided appearing before the tribunal of his conscience: he went astray, as if without his own knowledge, and the man of yesterday strove to deceive him of to-morrow. Unfortunately the most salient feature in his character was not his principles, which he possessed in common with many other white-gloved philosophers and which no more preserved him from inconsistency than they preserve them; but his passions, which no principles could stifle, and which made of him a man apart in that degenerate society where it is so difficult to depart from the beaten path without appearing ridiculous. Raymon had the art of being often culpable without arousing hatred, often eccentric without being offensive; indeed he sometimes succeeded in arousing the pity of people who had the most reason to complain of him. There are men who are humored thus by every one who approaches them. Sometimes an attractive face and animated speech make up the sum total of their sensibility. We do not presume to judge Monsieur Raymon de Ramière so harshly, nor to draw his portrait before exhibiting him in action. We are examining him now at a distance, like the multitude who pass him in the street.
You might find it hard to believe that Monsieur de Ramière, a young man with a sharp mind, impressive skills, and many admirable qualities, who was used to success in salons and experiences in fragrant boudoirs, had developed a lasting passion for the housekeeper of a small manufacturer in Brie. Yet, Monsieur de Ramière was neither vain nor promiscuous. We mentioned that he was intelligent—that is, he recognized the real value of being well-born. He was a man of strong principles when he thought things through; however, intense emotions often pushed him beyond the limits of his own beliefs. In those moments, he couldn't reflect, or he avoided facing his conscience: he wandered off track, almost unknowingly, and the man he was yesterday tried to deceive the man he would be tomorrow. Unfortunately, the most noticeable part of his character wasn't his principles, which he shared with many other genteel philosophers, and which didn't spare him from inconsistency any more than it did them; rather it was his passions, which no principles could silence, making him stand out in that declining society where it’s so hard to stray from the norm without looking ridiculous. Raymon had the knack of often being at fault without inspiring hatred, frequently eccentric without being off-putting; indeed, he sometimes managed to evoke sympathy from those who had every reason to resent him. There are certain people who are indulged in this way by everyone around them. Sometimes, a charming face and lively conversation are all they bring to the table. We don’t intend to judge Monsieur Raymon de Ramière too harshly or to paint his picture before we show him in action. Right now, we’re observing him from a distance, much like the crowd who passes him by on the street.
Monsieur de Ramière was in love with the young creole with the great black eyes, who had aroused the admiration of the whole province at the fête of Rubelles; but he was in love and nothing more. He had made her acquaintance because he had nothing else to do, perhaps, and success had kindled his desires; he had obtained more than he asked, and on the day that he triumphed over that easily vanquished heart he returned home dismayed by his victory, and said to himself, striking his forehead:
Monsieur de Ramière was in love with the young Creole with the stunning black eyes, who had captured the admiration of the entire province at the Rubelles celebration. But he was in love and nothing more. He had gotten to know her because he had nothing better to do, maybe, and his success had ignited his desires. He had achieved more than he intended, and on the day he conquered that easily swayed heart, he went home feeling uneasy about his victory and said to himself, striking his forehead:
"God grant that she doesn't love me!"
"God help me that she doesn't love me!"
Thus it was not until after he had accepted all the proofs of her love that he began to suspect the existence of that love. Then he repented, but it was too late; he must either resign himself to what the future might have in store, or retreat like a coward toward the past. Raymon did not hesitate; he allowed himself to be loved, he loved in return for gratitude; he scaled the walls of the Delmare estate from love of danger; he had a terrible fall from awkwardness; and he was so touched by his lovely young mistress's grief that he deemed himself justified thenceforth in his own eyes in continuing to dig the pit into which she was destined to fall.
So it wasn't until after he accepted all the signs of her love that he started to suspect it was real. Then he felt regret, but it was too late; he had to either accept whatever the future held or cowardly retreat to the past. Raymon didn't hesitate; he let himself be loved, loved back out of gratitude; he climbed over the walls of the Delmare estate for the thrill; he had a terrible fall because of his clumsiness; and he was so moved by his beautiful young mistress's sadness that he felt justified from then on in continuing to dig the pit where she was destined to fall.
When he had recovered, winter had no storms, darkness no perils, remorse no stings which could deter him from passing through the corner of the forest to meet the young creole and swear to her that he had never loved any other woman; that he preferred her to the queens of society, and a thousand other exaggerations which will always be fashionable with poor and credulous maidens. In January Madame Delmare went to Paris with her husband; Sir Ralph Brown, their excellent neighbor, betook himself to his own estate, and Noun, being left in charge of her master's country house, was able to absent herself on various pretexts. It was unfortunate for her, and this facility of intercourse with her lover greatly abridged the ephemeral happiness which she was destined to enjoy. The forest with its poetic shadows, its arabesques of hoar-frost, its moonlight effects, the mysterious going and coming by the little gate, the furtive departure in the morning when Noun's little feet, as she accompanied him to the gate, left their prints on the snow in the park—all these accessories of an amorous intrigue served to prolong Monsieur de Ramière's intoxication. Noun, in white déshablilé, with her long black hair for ornament, was a lady, a queen, a fairy; when he saw her come forth from that red brick castle, a heavy, square structure of the time of the Regency, with a semi-feudal aspect, he could easily fancy her a châtelaine of the Middle Ages, and in the summerhouse filled with rare flowers, where she made him drunk with the seductions of youth and passion, he readily forgot all that he was destined to remember later.
When he recovered, winter had no storms, darkness no dangers, and remorse no sharp feelings that could stop him from crossing through the corner of the forest to meet the young Creole and swear to her that he had never loved any other woman; that he preferred her over the queens of society, and a thousand other exaggerations that would always appeal to naive and trusting young women. In January, Madame Delmare went to Paris with her husband; Sir Ralph Brown, their great neighbor, returned to his own estate, and Noun, left in charge of her master’s country house, found ways to be absent for various reasons. This was unfortunate for her, as this easy access to her lover significantly shortened the fleeting happiness she was meant to experience. The forest with its poetic shadows, its frost patterns, its moonlit scenes, the mysterious comings and goings through the little gate, the secretive departures in the morning when Noun’s little feet, as she escorted him to the gate, left their prints in the snow of the park—all these elements of a love affair helped prolong Monsieur de Ramière's intoxication. Noun, in her white déshablilé, with her long black hair as her adornment, was a lady, a queen, a fairy; when he saw her emerge from that red brick castle, a heavy, square structure from the Regency period, with a somewhat feudal appearance, he could easily imagine her as a châtelaine from the Middle Ages, and in the summerhouse filled with rare flowers, where she overwhelmed him with the charms of youth and passion, he quickly forgot everything he would later come to remember.
But when Noun, disdaining precautions and defying danger in her turn, came to him at his home, with her white apron and neckerchief coquettishly arranged according to the fashion of her country, she was nothing more than a maid and a maid in the service of a pretty woman—a circumstance that always makes a soubrette seem like a makeshift. And yet Noun was very lovely, it was in that dress that he had first seen her at that village fête where he had forced his way through the crowd of curious bystanders, and had enjoyed the petty triumph of carrying her off from a score of rivals. Noun would lovingly remind him of that day; she did not know, poor child, that Raymon's love did not date back so far, and that her day of pride had been only a day of vanity to him. And then the courage with which she sacrificed her reputation to him—that courage which should have made him love her all the more—displeased Monsieur de Ramière. The wife of a peer of France who should sacrifice herself so recklessly would be a priceless conquest; but a lady's maid! That which is heroism in the one becomes brazen-faced effrontery in the other. With the one a world of jealous rivals envies you; with the other a rabble of scandalized flunkeys condemns you. The lady of quality sacrifices twenty previous lovers to you; the lady's maid sacrifices only a husband that she might have had.
But when Noun, ignoring safety and bravely facing danger herself, showed up at his house, in her white apron and neckerchief stylishly arranged according to the latest trend in her country, she was nothing more than a maid, a maid at the service of a pretty woman—a fact that always makes a flirt seem like a temporary fix. Yet Noun was certainly stunning; it was in that outfit he had first spotted her at that village festival where he had muscled his way through a crowd of curious onlookers and experienced the small thrill of carrying her off from a bunch of rivals. Noun would fondly remind him of that day; she didn’t realize, poor girl, that Raymon’s love didn’t go back that far, and that her moment of pride had been just a moment of vanity for him. And then the bravery with which she risked her reputation for him—that bravery that should have made him love her even more—actually annoyed Monsieur de Ramière. The wife of a peer of France who sacrifices herself so recklessly would be a rare victory; but a lady's maid! What is seen as heroism in one is viewed as shameless audacity in the other. With one, a world of jealous rivals envies you; with the other, a crowd of scandalized attendants condemns you. The noble lady sacrifices twenty former lovers for you; the lady's maid only sacrifices a husband she could have had.
What can you expect? Raymon was a man of fashionable morals, of elegant manners, of poetic passion. In his eyes a grisette was not a woman, and Noun, by virtue of a beauty of the first order, had taken him by surprise on a day of popular merrymaking. All this was not Raymon's fault; he had been reared to shine in society, all his thoughts had been directed toward an exalted goal, all his faculties had been moulded to enjoy princely good fortune, and the ardor of his blood had led him into bourgeois amours against his will. He had done all that he possibly could do to prolong his enjoyment, but he had failed; what was he to do now? Ideas extravagant in generosity had passed through his brain; on the days when he was most in love with his mistress he had thought seriously of raising her to his level, of legitimizing their union. Yes, upon my honor, he had thought of it; but love, which legitimizes everything, was growing weaker now; it was passing away with the perils of the intrigue and the piquant charm of mystery. Marriage was no longer possible; and note this: Raymon reasoned very cogently and altogether in his mistress's favor.
What can you expect? Raymon was a man of stylish morals, elegant manners, and poetic passion. To him, a grisette wasn’t really a woman, and Noun, with her top-tier beauty, caught him off guard on a day of public celebration. This wasn’t Raymon’s fault; he had been raised to shine in society, all his thoughts focused on a lofty goal, all his abilities shaped to enjoy royal good fortune, and the passion in his blood had unintentionally led him into bourgeois affairs. He had done all he could to extend his pleasure, but he had failed; what could he do now? Wildly generous ideas had crossed his mind; on the days when he felt most in love with his mistress, he seriously considered elevating her to his level, legitimizing their relationship. Yes, I swear he had thought about it; but love, which makes everything valid, was fading now; it was dwindling along with the risks of the affair and the enticing allure of mystery. Marriage was no longer an option; and remember this: Raymon reasoned very logically, completely in favor of his mistress.
If he had really loved her, he could, by sacrificing to her his future, his family and his reputation, still have found happiness, and, consequently, have made her happy; for love is a contract no less than marriage. But, his ardor having cooled as he felt that it had, what future could he create for her? Should he marry her and display day after day a gloomy face, a cold heart, a comfortless home? Should he marry her and make her odious to her family, contemptible in the eyes of her equals, and a laughing-stock to her servants; take the risk of introducing her in a social circle where she would feel that she was out of place; where humiliation would kill her; and, lastly, overwhelm her with remorse by forcing her to realize all the trials she had brought upon her lover?
If he had truly loved her, he could have found happiness by sacrificing his future, his family, and his reputation for her, which would have made her happy too, because love is a commitment just like marriage. But since his passion had faded, what kind of future could he offer her? Should he marry her and show up every day with a sad face, a cold heart, and an unwelcoming home? Should he marry her and make her an embarrassment to her family, looked down upon by her peers, and a joke to her servants; risk putting her in a social circle where she would feel out of place; where the humiliation would destroy her; and, ultimately, burden her with guilt for all the hardships he would have to face because of her?
No, you will agree with him that it was impossible, that it would not have been generous, that a man cannot contend thus with society, and that such heroic virtue resembles Don Quixote breaking his lance against a windmill; an iron courage which a breath of wind scatters; the chivalry of another age which arouses the pitying contempt of this age.
No, you will agree with him that it was impossible, that it wouldn't have been generous, that a man can't fight against society like that, and that such heroic virtue is like Don Quixote breaking his lance against a windmill; a brave courage that a gust of wind can easily blow away; the chivalry of a bygone era that evokes a mix of pity and disdain in this time.
Having thus weighed all the arguments, Monsieur de Ramière concluded that it would be better to break that unfortunate bond. Noun's visits were beginning to be painful to him. His mother, who had gone to Paris for the winter, would not fail to hear of the little scandal before long. Even now she was surprised at his frequent visits to Cercy, their country estate, and at his passing whole weeks there. He had, to be sure, alleged as a pretext, an important piece of work which he was finishing away from the noise of the city; but that pretext was beginning to be worn out. It grieved Raymon to deceive so kind a mother, to deprive her for so long a time of his filial attentions; and—how shall I tell you?—he left Cercy and did not return.
Having considered all the arguments, Monsieur de Ramière decided it would be better to end that unfortunate relationship. Noun's visits were starting to become painful for him. His mother, who had gone to Paris for the winter, would soon hear about the little scandal. Even now, she was surprised by his frequent visits to Cercy, their country estate, and by how he was spending whole weeks there. He had claimed he was working on an important project away from the noise of the city, but that excuse was starting to wear thin. It upset Raymon to deceive such a kind mother, to keep her away from his care for so long; and—how can I put this?—he left Cercy and didn’t come back.
Noun wept and waited, and as the days and weeks passed, unhappy creature that she was, she ventured so far as to write. Poor girl! that was the last stroke. A letter from a lady's maid! Yet she had taken satin-finished paper and perfumed wax from Madame Delmare's desk, and her style from her heart. But the spelling! Do you know how much energy a syllable more or less adds to or detracts from the sentiments? Alas! the poor half-civilized girl from Ile Bourbon did not know even that there were rules for the use of language. She believed that she wrote and spoke as correctly as her mistress, and when she found that Raymon did not return she said to herself:
Noun wept and waited, and as the days and weeks went by, being the unhappy person that she was, she even went so far as to write. Poor girl! That was the final blow. A letter from a lady's maid! Yet she had taken satin-finished paper and scented wax from Madame Delmare's desk, and her style came straight from her heart. But the spelling! Do you realize how much a syllable more or less can change the meaning of what you’re trying to say? Unfortunately! The poor, half-civilized girl from Ile Bourbon didn’t even know that there were rules for using language. She thought she wrote and spoke as properly as her mistress, and when she saw that Raymon didn’t come back, she said to herself:
"And yet my letter was well adapted to bring him."
"And yet my letter was just right for bringing him."
That letter Raymon lacked courage to read to the end. It was a masterpiece of ingenuous and graceful passion; it is doubtful if Virginia wrote Paul a more charming one after she left her native land. But Monsieur de Ramière made haste to throw it in the fire, fearful lest he should blush for himself. Once more, what do you expect? This is a prejudice of education, and self-love is a part of love just as self-interest is a part of friendship.
That letter Raymon didn’t have the courage to read all the way through. It was a beautiful expression of genuine and graceful passion; it’s uncertain if Virginia wrote Paul a more captivating one after she left her homeland. But Monsieur de Ramière quickly tossed it into the fire, afraid he would be embarrassed for himself. Once again, what do you expect? This is a bias of upbringing, and self-love is a component of love just as self-interest is a part of friendship.
Monsieur de Ramière's absence had been noticed in society; that is much to say of a man, in respect to this society of ours where all men resemble one another. One may be a man of intelligence and still care for society, just as one may be a fool and despise it. Raymon liked it, and he was justified in his liking, for he was a favorite and was much sought after; and that multitude of indifferent or sneering masks assumed for him attentive and interested smiles. Unfortunate men may be misanthropes, but those persons of whom one is fond are rarely ungrateful; at least so Raymon thought. He was grateful for the slightest manifestations of attachment, desirous of universal esteem, proud of having a large number of friends.
Monsieur de Ramière's absence was noticed in social circles; that's saying something about a man in our society where everyone tends to be the same. A person can be intelligent and still enjoy being social, just as easily as someone can be foolish and look down on it. Raymon enjoyed it, and he had every reason to, as he was well-liked and in high demand; that crowd of indifferent or mocking faces gave him attentive and interested smiles. Unlucky people might be misanthropes, but those we cherish are rarely ungrateful; at least, that's what Raymon believed. He appreciated even the smallest signs of affection, craved universal respect, and took pride in having a large circle of friends.
In this society, whose prejudices are absolute, everything had succeeded in his case, even his faults; and when he sought the cause of this universal affection which had always encompassed him, he found it in himself, in his longing to obtain it, in the joy it caused him, in the hearty kindliness which he dealt out lavishly without exhausting it.
In this society, where prejudices are unwavering, everything worked in his favor, including his flaws; and when he looked for the reason behind this widespread affection that had always surrounded him, he found it within himself, in his desire to receive it, in the happiness it brought him, and in the genuine warmth he shared generously without running out of it.
He owed it in some measure to his mother too, whose superior intelligence, sparkling conversation and private virtues made her an exceptional woman. It was from her that he inherited those excellent principles which always led him back to the right path and prevented him, despite the impetuosity of his twenty-five years, from ever forfeiting his claim to public esteem. Moreover, people were more indulgent to him than to others because his mother had the knack of apologizing for him while blaming him, of commanding indulgence when she seemed to implore it. She was one of those women who had lived through different epochs so utterly dissimilar that their minds become as flexible as their destinies; who have grown rich on experience of misfortune; who have escaped the scaffolds of '93, the vices of the Directory, the vanities of the Empire and the enmities of the Restoration; rare women, whose kind is dying out.
He partly owed this to his mother as well, whose sharp intelligence, lively conversation, and personal qualities made her an extraordinary woman. It was from her that he inherited the strong principles that always guided him back to the right path and prevented him, despite the impulsiveness of his twenty-five years, from ever losing his reputation. Additionally, people were more forgiving of him than of others because his mother had a way of excusing him while still holding him accountable, of asking for leniency while seeming to plead for it. She was one of those women who had lived through vastly different eras, making their minds as adaptable as their lives; who had become wise from experiencing hardship; who had survived the upheavals of '93, the moral decay of the Directory, the pretensions of the Empire, and the conflicts of the Restoration; rare women, whose type is fading away.
It was at a ball at the Spanish ambassador's that Raymon reappeared in society.
It was at a party at the Spanish ambassador's that Raymon made his comeback in society.
"Monsieur de Ramière, if I am not mistaken," said a pretty woman to her neighbor.
"Monsieur de Ramière, if I'm not mistaken," said a pretty woman to her neighbor.
"He is a comet who appears at irregular intervals," was the reply. "It is centuries since any one heard of the pretty fellow."
"He’s a comet that shows up at random times," was the reply. "It’s been centuries since anyone heard from that charming guy."
The lady who spoke thus was a middle-aged foreigner. Her companion blushed slightly.
The woman who spoke this way was a middle-aged foreigner. Her friend blushed a little.
"He's very good-looking, is he not, madame?" she said.
"He's really good-looking, isn't he, ma'am?" she said.
"Charming, on my word," replied the old Sicilian.
"Charming, I swear," replied the old Sicilian.
"You are talking about the hero of the eclectic salons, the dark-eyed Raymon, I'll be bound," said a dashing colonel of the guard.
"You’re talking about the hero of the trendy salons, the dark-eyed Raymon, I’m sure," said a charming colonel of the guard.
"He has a fine head to study," rejoined the younger woman.
"He has a great mind to learn from," the younger woman replied.
"And what pleases you even more, I dare say," said the colonel, "a wicked head."
"And what pleases you even more, I'd bet," said the colonel, "is a wicked mind."
The young woman was his wife.
The young woman was his wife.
"Why a wicked head?" queried the Sicilian.
"Why a wicked head?" asked the Sicilian.
"Full of genuine Southern passions, madame, worthy of the bright sunlight of Palermo."
"Full of genuine Southern passions, madam, deserving of the bright sunlight of Palermo."
Two or three young women put forward their flower-laden heads to hear what the colonel was saying.
Two or three young women leaned in with their heads full of flowers to listen to what the colonel was saying.
"He made ravages in the garrison last year, I promise you," he continued. "We fellows shall be obliged to pick a quarrel with him, in order to get rid of him."
"He caused a lot of trouble in the garrison last year, I swear," he went on. "We guys will have to start a fight with him to get him out of the way."
"If he's a Lovelace, so much the worse for him," said a young lady with a satirical cast of countenance; "I can't endure men whom everybody loves."
"If he's a Lovelace, that's too bad for him," said a young woman with a sarcastic expression; "I can't stand men whom everyone adores."
The ultramontane countess waited until the colonel had walked away, when she tapped Mademoiselle de Nangy's fingers lightly with her fan and said:
The ultramontane countess waited until the colonel had walked away, then she lightly tapped Mademoiselle de Nangy's fingers with her fan and said:
"Don't speak so; you don't know here what to think of a man who wants to be liked."
"Don't talk like that; you have no idea what to make of a guy who wants to be liked."
"Do you think, pray, that all they have to do is to want it?" said the damsel with the long sardonic eyes.
"Do you really think all they have to do is want it?" said the girl with the long sarcastic eyes.
"Mademoiselle," said the colonel, coming up again to invite her to dance; "take care that the charming Raymon does not overhear you."
"Mademoiselle," said the colonel, approaching her again to ask her to dance, "make sure the charming Raymon doesn’t hear you."
Mademoiselle de Nangy laughed; but during the rest of the evening the pretty group of which she was one dared not mention Monsieur de Ramière's name again.
Mademoiselle de Nangy laughed; but for the rest of the evening, the pretty group that included her didn’t dare to bring up Monsieur de Ramière’s name again.
V
Monsieur de Ramière wandered amid the undulating waves of that gayly-dressed crowd without distaste and without ennui.
Monsieur de Ramière moved through the lively crowd adorned in bright clothing without feeling disgusted or bored.
Nevertheless, he was fighting against a feeling of chagrin. On returning to his own sphere he had a species of remorse, of shame for all the wild ideas which a misplaced attachment had suggested to him. He looked at the women so brilliantly beautiful in the bright light; he listened to their refined and clever conversation; he heard their talents highly praised; and in those marvellous specimens of their sex, those almost royal costumes, those exquisitely appropriate remarks, he found on all sides an implied reproach for having been untrue to his destiny. But, despite this species of mental bewilderment, Raymon suffered from more genuine remorse; for his intentions were always kind and considerate to the last degree, and a woman's tears broke his heart, hardened as it was.
Nevertheless, he was struggling with a sense of frustration. When he returned to his own world, he felt a kind of guilt, a shame for all the wild ideas that an ill-placed attachment had led him to consider. He looked at the women, dazzlingly beautiful in the bright light; he listened to their sophisticated and witty conversations; he heard their talents praised highly; and in those remarkable examples of their gender, those almost royal outfits, those perfectly fitting comments, he sensed a silent criticism for having strayed from his true path. But, despite this kind of mental confusion, Raymon felt a deeper remorse; his intentions were always kind and thoughtful to the highest degree, and a woman's tears shattered his heart, even though it was hardened.
The honors of the evening were universally accorded to a young woman whose name no one knew, and who enjoyed the privilege of monopolizing attention because her appearance in society was a novelty. The simplicity of her costume alone would have sufficed to make her a distinguished figure amid the diamonds, feathers and flowers in which the other women were arrayed. Strings of pearls woven into her black hair were her only jewels. The lustreless white of her necklace, her crêpe dress and her bare shoulders blended at a little distance, and the heated atmosphere of the apartments had barely succeeded in bringing to her cheeks a faint flush of as delicate a shade as that of a Bengal rose blooming on the snow. She was a tiny, dainty, slender creature; a salon type of beauty to which the bright light of the candles gave a fairylike touch, and which a sunbeam would have dimmed. When she danced she was so light that a breath would have whisked her away; but in her lightness there was no animation, no pleasure. When she was seated she bent forward as if her too flexible body lacked strength to support itself, and when she spoke she smiled sadly. Fantastic tales were at the very height of their vogue at this period. Accordingly, those who were learned in that line compared this young woman to a fascinating apparition evoked by sorcery, which would fade away and vanish like a dream when the first flush of dawn appeared on the horizon.
The honors of the evening were given to a young woman no one knew, who captured everyone's attention simply because her presence in society was a novelty. The simplicity of her outfit alone would have made her stand out among the diamonds, feathers, and flowers worn by the other women. Strings of pearls woven into her black hair were her only jewelry. The dull white of her necklace, her crêpe dress, and her bare shoulders blended together from a distance, and the warm atmosphere of the room had just managed to bring a slight blush to her cheeks that was as delicate as a Bengal rose blooming against the snow. She was a small, delicate, slender figure; a salon type of beauty that looked almost magical in the bright candlelight, which would have faded under the sunlight. When she danced, she was so light that a breath could have swept her away; but in her lightness, there was no energy, no joy. When she sat, she leaned forward as if her fragile body lacked the strength to hold itself up, and when she spoke, she smiled sadly. During this time, fantastical stories were all the rage. As a result, those familiar with such tales compared this young woman to an enchanting spirit conjured by magic, destined to fade away like a dream when the first light of dawn broke the horizon.
Meanwhile they crowded about her to invite her to dance.
Meanwhile, they gathered around her to ask her to dance.
"Make haste," said a dandy of a romantic turn to one of his friends; "the cock will crow soon, and even now your partner's feet have ceased to touch the floor. I'll wager that you can't feel her hand in yours."
"Quickly," said a stylish romantic to one of his friends; "the rooster will crow soon, and even now your partner's feet aren’t touching the floor. I bet you can't feel her hand in yours."
"Pray look at Monsieur de Ramière's dark, strongly-marked face," said an artistic lady to her neighbor. "Contrast him with that pale, slender young woman, and see if the solid tone of the one doesn't make an admirable foil for the delicate tone of the other."
"Please take a look at Monsieur de Ramière's dark, prominent facial features," said an artistic lady to her neighbor. "Compare him with that pale, slender young woman, and see if the solid tone of one doesn't provide a perfect contrast to the delicate tone of the other."
"That young woman," said a woman who knew everybody and who played the part of an almanac at social functions, "is the daughter of that old fool, De Carvajal, who tried to play Joséphin, and who died ruined at Ile Bourbon. This lovely exotic flower has made a foolish marriage, I believe; but her aunt stands well at court."
"That young woman," said a woman who knew everyone and acted like a social calendar, "is the daughter of that old fool, De Carvajal, who tried to play Joséphin and ended up dying broke at Ile Bourbon. This beautiful, exotic flower has made a silly marriage, I think; but her aunt is well connected at court."
Raymon had drawn near the fair Indian. A peculiar emotion seized him every time that he looked at her; he had seen that pale, sad face; perhaps in some dream, but at all events he had seen it, and his eyes rested upon it with the delight we all feel on seeing once more a charming vision which we thought that we had lost forever.
Raymon had approached the fair Indian. A strange feeling washed over him every time he looked at her; he had seen that pale, sad face—maybe in a dream, but either way he had seen it, and his eyes lingered on it with the joy we all experience when we come across a beautiful memory we thought we had lost for good.
Raymon's gaze disturbed her who was the object of it; she was awkward and shy, like a person unaccustomed to society, and the sensation that she caused seemed to embarrass rather than to please her. Raymon made the circuit of the salon, succeeded finally in learning that her name was Madame Delmare, and went and asked her to dance.
Raymon's stare made her uneasy, as she was the focus of it; she felt awkward and shy, like someone not used to being social, and the way she felt seemed to embarrass her instead of making her happy. Raymon made his way around the room, eventually found out that her name was Madame Delmare, and then asked her to dance.
"You do not remember me," he said, when they were alone in the midst of the crowd; "but I have not been able to forget you, madame. And yet I saw you for an instant only, through a cloud; but in that instant you seemed so kind, so compassionate."
"You don’t remember me," he said, when they were alone in the middle of the crowd; "but I haven't been able to forget you, ma'am. And yet I only saw you for a moment, through a haze; but in that moment, you seemed so kind, so caring."
Madame Delmare started.
Ms. Delmare started.
"Oh! yes, monsieur," she said quickly, "it is you! I recognized you, too."
"Oh! yes, sir," she said quickly, "it's you! I recognized you, too."
Then she blushed and seemed to fear that she had offended the proprieties. She looked around as if to see whether anyone had heard her. Her timidity enhanced her natural charm, and Raymon was touched to the heart by the tone of that creole voice, slightly husky, but so sweet that it seemed made to pray or to bless.
Then she blushed and appeared worried that she had crossed a social line. She glanced around as if checking to see if anyone had heard her. Her shyness added to her natural charm, and Raymon was deeply moved by the sound of that Creole voice, a bit husky yet so sweet that it felt like it was meant for prayer or blessing.
"I was afraid," he said, "that I should never have an opportunity to thank you. I could not call upon you and I knew that you went but little into society. I feared, also, that if I made your acquaintance I should come in contact with Monsieur Delmare, and our previous relations could not fail to make that contact disagreeable. How glad I am for this moment, which enables me to pay the debt of my heart!"
"I was worried," he said, "that I would never get the chance to thank you. I couldn't visit you, and I knew you didn't go out much. I was also afraid that if I got to know you, I would run into Monsieur Delmare, and our history would make that meeting uncomfortable. I'm so glad to have this moment, which allows me to express my heartfelt gratitude!"
"It would be much pleasanter for me," said she, "if Monsieur Delmare also could enjoy it; and if you knew him better you would know that he is as kind as he is brusque. You would forgive him for having been your involuntary assailant, for his heart certainly bled more freely than your wound."
"It would make me a lot happier," she said, "if Monsieur Delmare could enjoy it too; and if you knew him better, you would see that he is as kind as he is rough around the edges. You would forgive him for being your unwitting attacker because his heart definitely hurt more than your injury."
"Let us not talk of Monsieur Delmare, madame; I forgive him with all my heart. I injured him and he took the law into his own hands. I have nothing more to do but to forget; but as to you, madame, who lavished such delicate and generous attentions upon me, I choose to remember all my life your treatment of me, your pure features, your angelic gentleness, and these hands which poured balm upon my wounds and which I dared not kiss."
"Let's not discuss Monsieur Delmare, madam; I forgive him from the bottom of my heart. I hurt him, and he responded. All I can do now is forget; but as for you, madam, who offered me such thoughtful and generous care, I want to remember for the rest of my life how you treated me, your beautiful features, your angelic kindness, and those hands that healed my wounds, which I was too shy to kiss."
While he spoke Raymon held Madame Delmare's hand, to be prepared to walk through their figure in the contradance. He pressed that hand gently in his, and all the young woman's blood rushed to her heart.
While he spoke, Raymon held Madame Delmare's hand, ready to walk through their figure in the contradance. He squeezed her hand gently in his, and all the young woman's blood rushed to her heart.
When he led Madame Delmare back to her seat, her aunt, Madame de Carvajal, had gone; the crowd was thinning. Raymon sat down beside her. He had that ease of manner which a wide experience in affairs of the heart imparts; it is the violence of our desires, the precipitate haste of our love, that makes us stupid when we are with women. The man who has rubbed the edge off his emotions a little is more anxious to please than to love. Nevertheless Monsieur de Ramière felt more deeply moved in the presence of that simple, unspoiled woman than he had ever been. Perhaps this swift impression was due to his memory of the night he had passed at her house; but it is certain that, while he talked to her with animation, his heart did not lead his mouth astray. However, the habit he had acquired with other women gave to his words a power of persuasion to which the untutored Indiana yielded, not understanding that it had not all been invented expressly for her.
When he guided Madame Delmare back to her seat, her aunt, Madame de Carvajal, had already left; the crowd was getting smaller. Raymon took a seat next to her. He had that relaxed demeanor that comes from a lot of experience in romantic relationships; it’s our strong desires and the rush of love that often make us act foolishly around women. A man who has dulled his intense feelings a bit is more focused on pleasing than on loving. Still, Monsieur de Ramière felt more deeply affected by the presence of that genuine, untouched woman than he ever had before. Maybe this sudden feeling was influenced by his memory of the night he spent at her house; however, it’s clear that while he engaged her in lively conversation, his heart didn't lead him astray. Yet, the habits he formed with other women gave his words a persuasive quality that the naive Indiana couldn’t see through, not realizing that it wasn’t all crafted just for her.
In general—and women are well aware of it—a man who talks wittily of love is only moderately in love. Raymon was an exception; he expressed passion artistically and felt it ardently. But it was not passion that rendered him eloquent, it was eloquence that made him passionate. He knew that he had a weakness for women, and he would become eloquent in order to seduce a woman and fall in love with her while seducing her. It was sentiment of the sort dealt in by advocates and preachers, who weep hot tears when they perspire freely. He sometimes fell in with women who were shrewd enough to distrust these heated improvisations; but he had committed what are called follies for love's sake: he had run away with a girl of noble birth; he had compromised women of very high station; he had had three sensational duels; he had displayed to a crowded evening party, to a whole theatre full of spectators, the bewilderment of his heart and the disarray of his thoughts. A man who does all this without fear of ridicule or of curses, and who succeeds in avoiding both, is safe from all assault; he can take any risk and hope for anything. Thus the most skilfully constructed defences yielded to the consideration that Raymon was madly in love when he meddled with love at all. A man capable of making a fool of himself for love is a rare prodigy in society, and one that women do not disdain.
In general—and women know this well—a man who talks playfully about love is usually only somewhat in love. Raymon was different; he expressed his passion creatively and felt it deeply. But it wasn’t his passion that made him articulate, it was his eloquence that ignited his passion. He recognized his weakness for women and would become articulate to woo a woman and fall for her while charming her. It was the kind of sentiment often exhibited by lawyers and preachers, who shed tears passionately when they sweat freely. Sometimes, he encountered women savvy enough to be skeptical of these fervent improvisations; however, he had committed what are called follies for the sake of love: he had eloped with a girl from a noble family; he had compromised women of very high status; he had engaged in three dramatic duels; he had shown to a packed evening gathering, to a whole theater full of people, the confusion of his heart and the chaos of his thoughts. A man who does all this without fearing mockery or curses, and who manages to dodge both, is untouchable; he can take any risk and hope for anything. Thus, the most carefully built defenses crumbled at the thought that Raymon was head over heels in love when he involved himself in romance at all. A man willing to make a fool of himself for love is a rare marvel in society, and one that women do not overlook.
I do not know how it happened, but when he escorted Madame de Carvajal and Madame Delmare to their carriage he succeeded in putting Indiana's little hand to his lips. Never before had a man's furtive, burning kiss breathed upon that woman's fingers, although she was born in a fiery climate and was nineteen years old; nineteen years of Ile Bourbon, which are equivalent to twenty-five in our country.
I don’t know how it happened, but when he helped Madame de Carvajal and Madame Delmare into their carriage, he managed to kiss Indiana’s little hand. No man had ever pressed a secret, passionate kiss on that woman's fingers before, even though she was born in a warm climate and was nineteen years old; nineteen years in Ile Bourbon are like twenty-five in our country.
Ill and nervous as she was, that kiss almost extorted a shriek from her, and she had to be assisted into the carriage. Raymon had never come in contact with such a delicate organization. Noun, the creole, was in robust health, and Parisian women do not faint when their hands are kissed.
Ill and anxious as she was, that kiss nearly made her scream, and she needed help getting into the carriage. Raymon had never encountered someone so fragile. Noun, the Creole, was in great health, and Parisian women don’t faint when someone kisses their hands.
"If I should see her twice," he said to himself as he walked away, "I should lose my head over her."
"If I see her again," he thought to himself as he walked away, "I'm going to lose my mind over her."
The next morning he had completely forgotten Noun.
The next morning, he had totally forgotten Noun.
All that he knew about her was that she belonged to Madame Delmare. The pale-faced Indiana engrossed all his thoughts, filled all his dreams. When Raymon began to feel the shafts of love he was in the habit of seeking to distract his thoughts, not in order to stifle the budding passion, but, on the contrary, to drive away the reasoning power that urged him to weigh its consequences. Of an ardent temperament, he pursued his object hotly. He had not the power to quell the tempests which arose in his bosom, nor to rekindle them when he felt that they were dying away and vanishing.
All he knew about her was that she was connected to Madame Delmare. The pale-faced Indiana consumed all his thoughts and filled all his dreams. When Raymon started to feel the sting of love, he usually tried to distract himself, not to suppress the budding passion but to push away the reasoning that urged him to think about its consequences. With an intense personality, he chased after what he wanted fiercely. He couldn’t calm the storms that rose in his heart, nor could he reignite them when he sensed they were fading away.
He succeeded the next day in learning that Monsieur Delmare had gone to Brussels on a business trip, and had left his wife in charge of Madame de Carvajal, of whom he was not at all fond, but who was Madame Delmare's only relative. He, an upstart soldier, belonged to a poor and obscure family, of which he seemed to be ashamed, simply because he repeated so often that he was not ashamed of it. But, although he passed his life reproaching his wife for alleged scorn of him which she did not entertain, he was conscious that he ought not to compel her to live on terms of intimacy with his uneducated kindred. Moreover, despite his dislike for Madame de Carvajal, he could not refuse to treat her with great deference for these reasons.
He found out the next day that Monsieur Delmare had gone to Brussels on a business trip and had left his wife taking care of Madame de Carvajal, whom he didn’t like at all, but who was Madame Delmare's only relative. He, an upstart soldier, came from a poor and obscure family, and it seemed he was ashamed of it, especially since he insisted so often that he wasn't. However, even though he spent his life accusing his wife of looking down on him—something she didn’t do—he knew he shouldn’t force her to have a close relationship with his uneducated relatives. Moreover, despite his dislike for Madame de Carvajal, he couldn’t refuse to treat her with a lot of respect for these reasons.
Madame de Carvajal, who was descended from a noble Spanish family, was one of those women who cannot make up their minds to be of no account in the world. In the days when Napoleon ruled Europe she had burned incense to the glory of Napoleon, and with her husband and brother-in-law had joined the party of the Joséphinos; but her husband had lost his life at the fall of the conqueror's short-lived dynasty, and Indiana's father had taken refuge in the French colonies. Thereupon Madame de Carvajal, being a clever and active person, had repaired to Paris, and there, by some fortunate speculations on the Bourse, had built up for herself a new competence on the ruins of her past splendors. By dint of shrewd wit, intrigues and piety she had also obtained some favor at Court, and her establishment, while it was by no means brilliant, was one of the most respectable of all those presided over by protégés of the Civil List.
Madame de Carvajal, who came from a noble Spanish family, was one of those women who refuse to be irrelevant in the world. During Napoleon's rule over Europe, she had praised his glory and, along with her husband and brother-in-law, had joined the Joséphinos; however, her husband lost his life when the conqueror's brief dynasty collapsed, and Indiana's father had fled to the French colonies. After that, Madame de Carvajal, being clever and resourceful, moved to Paris, where she built a new life for herself through some fortunate investments on the stock market, rising from the ashes of her past glory. With her sharp wit, cunning, and devotion, she also gained some favor at Court, and while her establishment wasn’t particularly lavish, it was one of the most respectable among those led by protégés of the Civil List.
When Indiana arrived in France after her father's death, as the bride of Colonel Delmare, Madame de Carvajal was but moderately pleased by so paltry an alliance. Nevertheless she saw that Monsieur Delmare, whose good sense and activity in business were worth a dowry, prospered with his slender capital; and she purchased for Indiana the little château of Lagny and the factory connected with it. In two years, thanks to Monsieur Delmare's technical knowledge and certain funds advanced by Sir Rodolphe Brown, his wife's cousin by marriage, the colonel's affairs took a fortunate turn; he began to pay off his debts, and Madame de Carvajal, in whose eyes fortune was the first recommendation, manifested much affection for her niece and promised her the remnant of her wealth. Indiana, who was devoid of ambition, was devotedly kind and attentive to her aunt from gratitude, not from self-interest; but there was at least as much of one as of the other in the colonel's manœuvres. He was a man of iron in the matter of his political opinions; he would listen to no argument concerning the unassailable glory of his great emperor, and he upheld that glory with the blind obstinacy of a child of sixty years. He was obliged therefore to put forth all his patience to refrain from breaking out again and again in Madame de Carjaval's salon, where the Restoration was lauded to the skies. What Delmare suffered at the hands of five or six pious old women is beyond description. His vexation on this account was in part the cause of his frequent ill-humor against his wife.
When Indiana arrived in France after her father's death, as Colonel Delmare's bride, Madame de Carvajal was only somewhat pleased by such a modest alliance. However, she recognized that Monsieur Delmare, whose practicality and business acumen were valuable assets, was thriving with his limited resources; she bought Indiana the small château of Lagny along with the factory that came with it. In two years, thanks to Monsieur Delmare's expertise and some funds provided by Sir Rodolphe Brown, his wife’s cousin by marriage, the colonel's situation improved; he started paying off his debts, and Madame de Carvajal, who valued wealth above all, showed a lot of affection for her niece and promised her the remainder of her fortune. Indiana, who lacked ambition, was genuinely kind and attentive to her aunt out of gratitude, not self-interest; but there was just as much of one as the other in the colonel's strategies. He was unyielding about his political views and wouldn't entertain any arguments against the unquestionable glory of his great emperor, defending that glory with the stubbornness of a sixty-year-old child. Therefore, he had to exert all his patience to avoid losing his temper repeatedly in Madame de Carvajal's salon, where the Restoration was praised to the heavens. What Delmare endured at the hands of five or six devout old ladies is beyond description. His frustration over this was partly responsible for his frequent irritability toward his wife.
So much for Madame de Carvajal; we return now to Monsieur de Ramière. At the end of three days he had learned all these domestic details, so actively had he followed up everything likely to put him in the way of an intimate acquaintance with the Delmare family. He learned that by acquiring Madame de Carvajal's favor he could obtain opportunities of meeting Indiana. On the evening of the third day he procured an introduction to the aunt.
So much for Madame de Carvajal; let’s get back to Monsieur de Ramière. By the end of three days, he had gathered all these family details, as he had actively pursued everything that could help him get close to the Delmare family. He discovered that by winning over Madame de Carvajal, he could create opportunities to meet Indiana. On the evening of the third day, he managed to get an introduction to the aunt.
In her salon there were four or five barbarians solemnly playing reversi, and two or three young men of family, as utterly vapid as it is allowable for a man to be who has sixteen quarterings of nobility. Indiana was at work patiently filling in the background of a piece of embroidery on her aunt's frame. She was leaning over her work, apparently absorbed by that mechanical operation, and, it may be, well pleased to escape in this way the dull chatter of her neighbors. For aught I know, behind the long black hair that fell over the flowers of her embroidery, she was reviewing in her mind the emotions of that fleeting instant which had opened the door of a new life to her, when the servant's voice, announcing several new arrivals, made it necessary for her to rise. She did so mechanically, for she had paid no heed to the names, and barely lifted her eyes from her embroidery; but a voice at her side made her start as if she had received an electric shock, and she was obliged to lean on her work-table to avoid falling.
In her salon, there were four or five guys solemnly playing reversi, along with two or three young men from well-off families, as completely dull as a guy can be who has sixteen family coats of arms. Indiana was diligently working on the background of an embroidery piece on her aunt's frame. She was leaning over her work, seemingly focused on the repetitive task, and perhaps happy to escape the boring chatter of those around her. For all I know, behind the long black hair that fell over the floral patterns of her embroidery, she might have been replaying the feelings of that brief moment which had opened the door to a new life for her when the servant’s voice announced several new arrivals, prompting her to get up. She did so automatically, having paid no attention to the names, and barely lifted her eyes from her embroidery; but a voice next to her startled her as if she’d been jolted by electricity, and she had to lean on her work table to keep from collapsing.
VI
Raymon was not prepared for that silent salon, peopled only by a few taciturn guests. It was impossible to utter a word which was not heard in every corner of the room. The dowagers who were playing cards seemed to be there for the sole purpose of embarrassing the conversation of the younger guests, and Raymon fancied that he could read on their stern features the secret satisfaction which old age takes in avenging itself by blocking other people's pleasure. He had counted upon a less constrained, tenderer interview than that of the ball, and it was just the opposite. This unexpected difficulty gave greater intensity to his desires, more fire to his glances, more animation and vivacity to the roundabout remarks he addressed to Madame Delmare. The poor child was altogether unused to this style of attack. She could not possibly defend herself, because nothing was asked of her; but she was forced to listen to the proffer of an ardent heart, to learn how dearly she was loved, and to allow herself to be encompassed by all the perils of seduction without making any resistance. Her embarrassment increased with Raymon's boldness. Madame de Carvajal, who made some reasonably well-founded claims to wit, and to whom Monsieur de Ramière's wit had been highly praised, left the card-table to challenge him to a refined discussion concerning love, into which she introduced much Spanish heat and German metaphysics. Raymon eagerly accepted the challenge, and, on the pretext of answering the aunt, said to the niece all that she would have refused to hear. The poor young wife, without a protector and exposed to so lively and skilful an assault on all sides, could not muster strength to take part in that thorny discussion. In vain did her aunt, who was anxious to exhibit her to advantage, call upon her to testify to the truth of certain subtle theories of sentiment; she confessed blushingly that she knew nothing about such things, and Raymon, intoxicated with joy to see her cheeks flush and her bosom heave, swore inwardly that he would teach her.
Raymon wasn't ready for that quiet room, filled only with a few reserved guests. It felt impossible to say anything without it echoing in every corner. The older women playing cards seemed solely intent on stifling the younger guests' conversations, and Raymon thought he could see on their stern faces the secret satisfaction that comes with old age seeking to ruin others' enjoyment. He had expected a more relaxed and intimate exchange than at the ball, but it turned out to be the exact opposite. This unexpected challenge only fueled his desires, adding more intensity to his glances and liveliness to his flirty comments with Madame Delmare. The poor girl was completely unprepared for this kind of attention. She couldn't defend herself since nothing was directly asked of her, but she had to listen to the declarations of an ardent heart and learn how deeply she was loved while finding herself surrounded by all the risks of seduction without putting up any resistance. Her embarrassment grew with Raymon's boldness. Madame de Carvajal, who believed she had a decent claim to wit and had received high praise for Monsieur de Ramière's cleverness, left the card table to engage him in a sophisticated discussion about love, mixing in some passionate Spanish flair and German logic. Raymon eagerly accepted the challenge and, under the pretense of responding to the aunt, said everything to the niece that she would have resisted hearing. The poor young wife, without anyone to protect her and vulnerable to such a lively and skilled approach from all sides, couldn't find the strength to join in that tricky conversation. Despite her aunt's attempts to showcase her to advantage by urging her to support certain complex theories of love, she bashfully admitted she knew nothing about such matters, and Raymon, thrilled to see her cheeks flush and her chest rise, silently vowed to teach her.
Indiana slept less that night than she had done for the last two or three nights; as we have said, she had never been in love, and her heart had long been ripe for a sentiment which none of the men she had met hitherto had succeeded in arousing. She had been brought up by a father of an eccentric and violent character, and had never known the happiness which is derived from the affection of another person. Monsieur de Carvajal, drunk with political passions, consumed by ambitious regrets, had become the most cruel planter and the most disagreeable neighbor in the colonies; his daughter had suffered keenly from his detestable humor. But, by dint of watching the constant tableau of the evils of slavery, of enduring the weariness of solitude and dependence, she had acquired a superficial patience, proof against every trial, an adorable kindliness toward her inferiors, but also an iron will and an incalculable power of resistance to everything that tended to oppress her. By marrying Delmare she simply changed masters; by coming to live at Lagny, she changed her prison and the locus of her solitude. She did not love her husband, perhaps for the very reason that she was told that it was her duty to love him, and that it had become with her a sort of second nature, a principle of conduct, a law of conscience, to resist mentally every sort of moral constraint. No one had attempted to point out to her any other law than that of blind obedience.
Indiana slept less that night than she had for the past two or three nights; as we mentioned, she had never been in love, and her heart had long been ready for a feeling that none of the men she had met so far had managed to awaken. She had been raised by a father with an eccentric and explosive personality, and had never experienced the happiness that comes from someone else's affection. Monsieur de Carvajal, consumed by political passions and regretful ambitions, had become the most cruel plantation owner and the most unpleasant neighbor in the colonies; his daughter had suffered greatly from his terrible mood. But, by continually witnessing the endless display of the harms of slavery, and enduring the fatigue of solitude and dependency, she had developed a superficial patience, resistant to every trial, an endearing kindness toward her inferiors, but also a strong will and an incredible ability to resist anything that tried to oppress her. By marrying Delmare, she simply changed one master for another; by moving to Lagny, she changed her prison and the source of her solitude. She did not love her husband, perhaps because she was told that it was her duty to love him, and it became sort of second nature, a guiding principle, a moral law, for her to mentally resist every kind of moral constraint. No one ever tried to show her any other law besides that of blind obedience.
Brought up in the desert, neglected by her father, surrounded by slaves, to whom she could offer no other assistance or encouragement than her compassion and her tears, she had accustomed herself to say: "A day will come when everything in my life will be changed, when I shall do good to others, when some one will love me, when I shall give my whole heart to the man who gives me his; meanwhile, I will suffer in silence and keep my love as a reward for him who shall set me free." This liberator, this Messiah had not come; Indiana was still awaiting him. She no longer dared, it is true, to confess to herself her whole thought. She had realized under the clipped hedge-rows of Lagny that thought itself was more fettered there than under the wild palms of Ile Bourbon; and when she caught herself saying, as she used to say: "A day will come—a man will come"—she forced that rash longing back to the depths of her heart, and said to herself: "Death alone will bring that day!"
Brought up in the desert, neglected by her father, surrounded by slaves, to whom she could offer no help or encouragement beyond her compassion and tears, she had trained herself to say: "One day everything in my life will change, when I will do good for others, when someone will love me, when I will give my whole heart to the man who gives me his; until then, I will suffer in silence and keep my love as a reward for the one who sets me free." This liberator, this Messiah had not come; Indiana was still waiting for him. She no longer dared to admit her true feelings to herself. She had realized under the clipped hedgerows of Lagny that her thoughts were more confined there than under the wild palms of Ile Bourbon; and when she caught herself saying, as she used to: "One day—a man will come"—she forced that reckless longing back into the depths of her heart, and told herself: "Only death will bring that day!"
And so she was dying. A strange malady was consuming her youth. She was without strength and unable to sleep. The doctors looked in vain for any discoverable disorder, for none existed; all her faculties were failing away in equal degree, all her organs were gradually degenerating; her heart was burning at a slow fire, her eyes were losing their lustre, the circulation of her blood was governed entirely by excitement and fever; a few months more and the poor captive bird would surely die. But, whatever the extent of her resignation and her discouragement, the need remained the same. That silent, broken heart was still calling involuntarily to some generous youthful heart to revivify it. The being whom she had loved most dearly hitherto was Noun, the cheery and brave companion of her tedious solitude; and the man who had manifested the greatest liking for her was her phlegmatic cousin Sir Ralph. What food for the all-consuming activity of her thoughts—a poor girl, ignorant and neglected like herself, and an Englishman whose only passion was fox-hunting!
And so she was dying. A strange illness was consuming her youth. She felt weak and couldn't sleep. The doctors searched in vain for any recognizable illness, but none existed; all her abilities were fading equally, and her organs were gradually deteriorating. Her heart felt like it was burning slowly, her eyes were losing their brightness, and her blood circulation was entirely influenced by excitement and fever. In a few months, the poor caged bird would surely die. But, despite her resignation and discouragement, the need was still there. That silent, broken heart was still calling out involuntarily for some kind, youthful heart to revive it. The person she had loved the most was Noun, the cheerful and brave companion of her long solitude; and the man who had shown the most interest in her was her calm cousin Sir Ralph. The thoughts consumed her— a poor girl, just as clueless and neglected as she was, and an Englishman whose only passion was fox hunting!
Madame Delmare was genuinely unhappy, and the first time that she felt the burning breath of a young and passionate man enter her frigid atmosphere, the first time that a tender and caressing word delighted her ear, and quivering lips left a mark as of a red-hot iron on her hand, she thought neither of the duties that had been laid upon her, nor of the prudence that had been enjoined upon her, nor of the future that had been predicted for her; she remembered only the hateful past, her long suffering, her despotic masters. Nor did it occur to her that the man before her might be false or fickle. She saw him as she wished him to be, as she had dreamed of him, and Raymon could easily have deceived her if he had not been sincere.
Madame Delmare was truly unhappy, and the first time she felt the intense presence of a young and passionate man enter her cold world, the first time a gentle and affectionate word pleased her ears, and trembling lips left a mark like that of a burning iron on her hand, she thought of none of the responsibilities that had been imposed on her, nor of the caution that had been advised, nor of the future that had been foreseen for her; she only recalled the painful past, her long suffering, her overbearing masters. It didn’t even cross her mind that the man in front of her could be insincere or unreliable. She saw him as she wanted him to be, as she had imagined him, and Raymon could easily have fooled her if he hadn’t been genuine.
But how could he fail to be sincere with so lovely and loving a woman? What other had ever laid bare her heart to him with such candor and ingenuousness? With what other had he been able to look forward to a future so captivating and so secure? Was she not born to love him, this slave who simply awaited a sign to break her chains, a word to follow him? Evidently heaven had made for Raymon this melancholy child of Ile Bourbon, whom no one had ever loved, and who but for him must have died.
But how could he not be genuine with such a beautiful and caring woman? Which other person had ever opened her heart to him with such honesty and sincerity? With whom else had he been able to envision a future so enchanting and stable? Wasn’t she meant to love him, this woman who just needed a signal to break free and a word to follow him? Clearly, fate had destined this sorrowful child of Ile Bourbon for Raymon, someone who had never been loved by anyone else and who would have perished without him.
Nevertheless a feeling of terror succeeded this all-pervading, feverish joy in Madame Delmare's heart. She thought of her quick-tempered, keen-eyed, vindictive husband, and she was afraid,—not for herself, for she was inured to threats, but for the man who was about to undertake a battle to the death with her tyrant. She knew so little of society that she transformed her life into a tragic romance; a timid creature, who dared not love for fear of endangering her lover's life, she gave no thought to the danger of destroying herself.
Nevertheless, a feeling of terror replaced the overwhelming, feverish joy in Madame Delmare's heart. She thought of her quick-tempered, sharp-eyed, vengeful husband, and she was scared—not for herself, since she was used to threats, but for the man who was about to engage in a deadly battle with her tyrant. She knew so little about society that she turned her life into a tragic romance; a timid person, who didn't dare to love for fear of putting her lover's life at risk, she gave no thought to the danger of destroying herself.
This then was the secret of her resistance, the motive of her virtue. She made up her mind on the following day to avoid Monsieur de Ramière. That very evening there was a ball at the house of one of the leading bankers of Paris. Madame de Carvajal, who, being an old woman with no ties of affection, was very fond of society, proposed to attend with Indiana; but Raymon was to be there and Indiana determined not to go. To avoid her aunt's persecution, Madame Delmare, who was never able to resist except in action, pretended to assent to the plan; she allowed herself to be dressed and waited until Madame de Carvajal was ready; then she changed her ball dress for a robe de chambre, seated herself in front of the fire and resolutely awaited the conflict. When the old Spaniard, as rigid and gorgeous as a portrait by Van Dyck, came to call her, Indiana declared that she was not well and did not feel that she could go out. In vain did her aunt urge her to make an effort.
This was the secret of her strength, the reason for her integrity. The next day, she decided to avoid Monsieur de Ramière. That evening, there was a ball at the house of one of the prominent bankers in Paris. Madame de Carvajal, an elderly woman with no close relationships, loved being social and suggested attending with Indiana; but Raymon was going to be there, and Indiana decided not to go. To escape her aunt's insistence, Madame Delmare, who could only resist in thoughts but not in action, pretended to agree to the plan; she let herself get dressed but waited until Madame de Carvajal was ready. Then she switched her ball gown for a robe de chambre, sat by the fire, and resolutely prepared for the confrontation. When the old Spaniard, looking as rigid and splendid as a Van Dyck portrait, came to get her, Indiana said she was feeling unwell and couldn't go out. Her aunt urged her to push through, but it was all in vain.
"I would be only too glad to go," she said, "but you see that I can hardly stand. I should be only a trouble to you to-night. Go to the ball without me, dear aunt; I shall enjoy the thought of your pleasure."
"I'd love to go," she said, "but as you can see, I can barely stand. I would only be a burden to you tonight. Go to the ball without me, dear aunt; I'll be happy just thinking about how much fun you'll have."
"Go without you!" said Madame de Carvajal, who was sorely distressed at the idea of having made an elaborate toilet to no purpose, and who shrank from the horrors of a solitary evening. "Why, what business have I in society, an old woman whom no one speaks to except to be near you? What will become of me without my niece's lovely eyes to give me value?"
"Go without you!" said Madame de Carvajal, who was really upset at the thought of having put so much effort into getting ready for nothing and who dreaded the idea of spending a lonely evening. "Why should I go out? I'm just an old woman whom no one talks to unless it's to be near you. What will I do without my niece's beautiful eyes to make me feel like I matter?"
"Your wit will fill the gap, my dear aunt," said Indiana.
"Your humor will fill the gap, my dear aunt," said Indiana.
The Marquise de Carvajal, who only wanted to be urged, set off at last. Whereupon, Indiana hid her face in her hands and began to weep; for she had made a great sacrifice and believed that she had already blasted the attractive prospect of the day before.
The Marquise de Carvajal, who just wanted a little encouragement, finally took off. At that moment, Indiana buried her face in her hands and started to cry; she had made a huge sacrifice and thought she had already ruined the appealing possibilities from the day before.
But Raymon would not have it so. The first thing that he saw at the ball was the old marchioness's haughty aigrette. In vain did he look for Indiana's white dress and black hair in her vicinity. He drew near and heard her say in an undertone to another lady:
But Raymon wouldn't accept it. The first thing he noticed at the ball was the old marchioness's arrogant feathered headdress. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't spot Indiana's white dress and black hair nearby. He moved closer and heard her whispering to another lady:
"My niece is ill; or rather," she added, to justify her own presence at the ball, "it's a mere girlish whim. She wanted to be left alone in the salon with a book in her hand, like a sentimental beauty."
"My niece is sick; or rather," she added, to explain why she was at the ball, "it's just a silly girlish fancy. She wanted to be left alone in the living room with a book in her hand, like some romantic heroine."
"Can it be that she is avoiding me?" thought Raymon. He left the ball at once. He hurried to the marchioness's house, entered without speaking to the concierge, and asked the first servant that he saw, who was half asleep in the antechamber, for Madame Delmare.
"Is she really avoiding me?" Raymon wondered. He left the ball immediately. He rushed to the marchioness's house, walked in without saying a word to the concierge, and asked the first servant he saw, who was half asleep in the foyer, for Madame Delmare.
"Madame Delmare is ill."
"Mrs. Delmare is sick."
"I know it. I have come at Madame de Carvajal's request to see how she is."
"I know. I've come at Madame de Carvajal's request to check on her."
"I will tell madame."
"I'll tell the lady."
"It is not necessary. Madame Delmare will receive me."
"It’s not needed. Madame Delmare will see me."
And Raymon entered the salon unannounced. All the other servants had retired. A melancholy silence reigned in the deserted apartments. A single lamp, covered with its green silk shade, lighted the main salon dimly. Indiana's back was turned to the door; she was completely hidden in the depths of a huge easy-chair, sadly watching the burning logs, as on the evening when Raymon entered the park of Lagny over the wall; sadder now, for her former undefined sufferings, aimless desires had given place to a fleeting joy, a gleam of happiness that was not for her.
And Raymon walked into the living room without knocking. All the other servants had left. A gloomy silence filled the empty rooms. A single lamp, covered with a green silk shade, dimly lit the main room. Indiana had her back to the door; she was completely hidden in a big armchair, sadly watching the burning logs, just like the evening when Raymon entered the park of Lagny over the wall; but now she was sadder, because her past vague suffering and aimless wishes had been replaced by a brief moment of joy, a flash of happiness that wasn’t meant for her.
Raymon, his feet encased in dancing shoes, approached noiselessly over the soft, heavy carpet. He saw that she was weeping, and, when she turned her head, she found him at her feet, taking forcible possession of her hands, which she struggled in vain to withdraw from his clasp. Then, I agree, she was overjoyed beyond words to find that her scheme of resistance had failed. She felt that she passionately loved this man who paid no heed to obstacles and who had brought happiness to her in spite of her efforts. She blessed heaven for rejecting her sacrifice, and, instead of scolding Raymon, she was very near thanking him.
Raymon, wearing his dancing shoes, quietly approached across the soft, thick carpet. He noticed she was crying, and when she turned her head, she found him at her feet, firmly holding her hands, which she struggled unsuccessfully to pull away from his grip. In that moment, she was incredibly happy to realize that her plan to resist had failed. She recognized that she deeply loved this man who ignored all barriers and had brought her joy despite her attempts to push him away. She was grateful to fate for denying her sacrifice and, instead of scolding Raymon, she almost felt like thanking him.
As for him, he knew already that she loved him. He needed not to see the joy that shone through her tears to realize that he was master, and that he could venture. He gave her no time to question him, but, changing rôles with her, vouchsafing no explanation of his unlooked-for presence, and no apology intended to make him seem less guilty than he was, he said:
As for him, he already knew that she loved him. He didn’t need to see the joy in her tears to understand that he was in control and that he could take a risk. He didn’t give her a chance to ask him anything, but instead, switching roles with her, offering no explanation for his unexpected arrival and no apology to make himself seem less guilty than he actually was, he said:
"You are weeping, Indiana. Why do you weep? I insist upon knowing."
"You’re crying, Indiana. Why are you crying? I need to know."
She started when he called her by her name; but there was additional joy in the surprise which that audacity caused her.
She jumped when he called her by her name, but there was extra joy in the surprise that his boldness brought her.
"Why do you ask?" she said. "I must not tell you."
"Why do you want to know?" she said. "I can't tell you."
"Well, I know, Indiana. I know your whole history, your whole life. Nothing that concerns you is unknown to me, because nothing that concerns you is indifferent to me. I resolved to know everything about you, and I have learned nothing that was not revealed to me during the brief moment that I passed under your roof, when I was brought, all crushed and bleeding, to your feet, and your husband was angry to see you, so lovely and so kind, support me with your soft arms and pour balm upon my wounds with your sweet breath. He was jealous? oh! I can readily understand it; I should have been, in his place, Indiana; or rather, in his place, I would kill myself; for to be your husband, madame, to possess you, to hold you in his arms, and not to deserve you, not to win your heart, is to be the most miserable or the most dastardly of men!"
"Well, I know you, Indiana. I know your entire history, your whole life. Everything that matters to you is known to me because I care deeply about you. I decided to learn everything about you, and I've discovered nothing that wasn't revealed to me during that brief moment I was under your roof, when I was brought, all crushed and bleeding, to your feet, and your husband was upset to see you, so beautiful and so kind, supporting me with your gentle arms and soothing my wounds with your sweet breath. Was he jealous? Oh, I can totally understand that; I would have been in his shoes, Indiana; or rather, if I were him, I would end my life; because to be your husband, madame, to have you, to hold you in his arms, and not to be worthy of you, not to win your heart, is to be the most miserable or the most cowardly of men!"
"O heaven! hush," she cried, putting her hand over his mouth; "hush! for you make me guilty. Why do you speak to me of him? why seek to teach me to curse him? If he should hear you! But I have said no evil of him; I have not authorized you to commit this crime! I do not hate him; I esteem him, I love him!"
"O heaven! Quiet," she exclaimed, covering his mouth with her hand. "Quiet! You're making me feel guilty. Why are you talking to me about him? Why are you trying to get me to curse him? What if he hears you! But I haven't said anything bad about him; I didn't give you permission to do this! I don't hate him; I respect him, I love him!"
"Say rather that you are horribly afraid of him; for the despot has broken your spirit, and fear has sat at your bedside ever since you became that man's prey. You, Indiana, profaned by the touch of that boor, whose iron hand has bowed your head and ruined your life! Poor child! so young and so lovely, to have suffered so horribly! for you cannot deceive me, Indiana, who look at you with other eyes than those of the common herd; I know all the secrets of your destiny, and you cannot hope to hide the truth from me. Let those who look at you because you are lovely say, when they notice your pallor and your melancholy: 'She is ill;'—well and good; but I, who follow you with my heart, whose whole soul encompasses you with solicitude and love, I am well aware what your disease is. I know that, if God had willed it so, if he had given you to me, unlucky wretch that I am, who deserve to have my head broken for having come so late, you would not be ill. On my life I swear, Indiana, I would have loved you so that you would have loved me the same and that you would have blessed the chain that bound us. I would have carried you in my arms to prevent your feet from being wounded; I would have warmed them with my breath. I would have held you against my breast to save you from suffering. I would have given all my blood to make up your lack of it, and if you had lost sleep with me, I would have passed the night saying soft words to you, smiling on you to restore your courage, weeping the while to see you suffer. When sleep had breathed upon your silken eyelids, I would have brushed them with my lips to close them more softly, and I would have watched over you, kneeling by your bed. I would have forced the air to caress you gently, golden dreams to throw flowers to you. I would have kissed noiselessly your lovely tresses, I would have counted with ecstatic joy the palpitations of your breast, and, at your awakening, Indiana, you would have found me at your feet, guarding you like a jealous master, waiting upon you as a slave, watching for your first smile, seizing upon your first thought, your first glance, your first kiss."
"Honestly, you’re just terrified of him; the bully has crushed your spirit, and fear has lingered by your side ever since you fell into his grasp. You, Indiana, tainted by the touch of that brute, whose harsh hand has forced your head down and shattered your life! Poor thing! So young and beautiful, to have endured such misery! You can’t fool me, Indiana, I see you differently from how most people do; I know all the secrets of your fate, and you can’t expect to hide the truth from me. Let those who admire you for your beauty say when they notice your paleness and sadness: 'She is sick;'—fine, whatever; but I, who care for you deeply, whose entire soul surrounds you with concern and love, I know exactly what your illness is. I understand that if God had intended it differently, if He had given you to me, unfortunate fool that I am for arriving too late, you wouldn’t be suffering. I swear on my life, Indiana, I would have loved you so much that you would have loved me back and cherished the bond that tied us together. I would have carried you in my arms to keep your feet from being hurt; I would have warmed them with my breath. I would have held you close to my chest to save you from pain. I would have given all my blood to make up for what you lacked, and if you had lost sleep with me, I would have spent the night whispering sweet words to you, smiling at you to lift your spirits while crying inside to see you in pain. When sleep finally touched your silky eyelids, I would have kissed them gently to help you sleep more soundly, and I would have kept watch over you, kneeling by your bed. I would have made sure the air caressed you gently, golden dreams showered you with flowers. I would have softly kissed your beautiful hair, and I would have counted with pure joy the beats of your heart, and when you woke up, Indiana, you would have found me at your feet, guarding you like a possessive master, serving you as a devoted slave, waiting eagerly for your first smile, catching your first thought, your first glance, your first kiss."
"Enough! enough!" said Indiana, agitated and quivering with emotion, "you make me faint."
"Enough! Enough!" Indiana said, feeling anxious and trembling with emotion. "You’re making me feel faint."
And yet, if people died of happiness, Indiana would have died at that moment.
And yet, if people could die from happiness, Indiana would have died right then.
"Do not speak so to me," she said—"to me who am destined never to be happy; do not depict heaven upon earth to me who am doomed to die."
"Don’t talk to me like that," she said, "to me who is never going to be happy; don’t paint a picture of paradise for me when I’m meant to die."
"To die!" cried Raymon vehemently, seizing her in his arms; "you, die! Indiana! die before you have lived—before you have loved! No, you shall not die; I will not let you die, for my life is bound to yours henceforth. You are the woman of whom I dreamed, the purity that I adored, the chimera that always fled from me, the bright star that shone before me and said to me: 'Go forward in this life of wretchedness and heaven will send one of its angels to bear you company.' You were always destined for me; your soul was always betrothed to mine, Indiana! Men and their iron laws have disposed of you; they have snatched from me the mate God would have chosen for me, if God did not sometimes forget his promises. But what do we care for men and laws if I love you still in another's arms, if you can still love me, accursed and unhappy as I am in having lost you! I tell you, Indiana, you belong to me; you are the half of my heart, which has long been struggling to join the other half. When you dreamed of a friend on Ile Bourbon, you dreamed of me; when, at the word husband, a sweet thrill of fear and hope passed through your heart, it was because I was destined to be your husband. Do you not recognize me? Does not it seem to you that we must have met twenty years ago? Did I not recognize you, my angel, when you stanched my blood with your veil, when you placed your hand on my dying heart to bring back its heat and its life? Ah! I remember distinctly enough. When I opened my eyes I said to myself: 'There she is! she has been like that in all my dreams—pale, melancholy and kind-hearted. She is my own; it is she who is destined to fill my cup with unknown joys.' And the physical life which returned to me then was your work. For we were brought together by no commonplace circumstances, you see; it was neither chance nor caprice, but fatality, death, which opened the gates of this new life to me. It was your husband—your master—who, guided by his destiny, brought me all bleeding in his arms and threw me at your feet, saying: 'Here is something for you!' And now nothing can part us."
"To die!" Raymon shouted passionately, pulling her into his arms. "You, Indiana! Die before you've truly lived or loved? No, you can't die; I won’t let you. My life is tied to yours from now on. You are the woman I've dreamed of, the purity I've adored, the illusion that always slipped away from me, the bright star that shone in front of me and said: 'Keep going through this miserable life, and heaven will send you an angel to keep you company.' You were always meant for me; your soul was always destined to be with mine, Indiana! Men and their strict rules have taken you away from me; they've stolen the partner God intended for me, if God ever truly keeps His promises. But what do we care for men and laws if I still love you even when you're in someone else's arms, if you can still love me, cursed and unhappy as I am for having lost you? I tell you, Indiana, you belong to me; you are the other half of my heart, which has long been trying to reconnect with the other half. When you thought of a friend in Ile Bourbon, you thought of me; when you felt a sweet thrill of fear and hope at the word 'husband,' it was because I was meant to be your husband. Don’t you recognize me? Doesn’t it feel like we must have met twenty years ago? Did I not recognize you, my angel, when you stopped my bleeding with your veil, when you placed your hand on my dying heart to revive it? Oh! I remember it clearly. When I opened my eyes, I said to myself: 'There she is! She’s just like in all my dreams—pale, melancholy, and kind. She is mine; she’s the one who is destined to fill my life with unknown joys.' And the physical life that returned to me then was your doing. We were brought together by no ordinary circumstances, you see; it wasn’t chance or whim, but fate, death, that opened the door to this new life for me. It was your husband—your master—who, guided by his destiny, brought me to you, all bloodied, and threw me at your feet, saying: 'Here’s someone for you!' And now nothing can separate us."
"Yes, he can part us!" hastily interposed Madame Delmare, who, carried away by her lover's transports, had listened to him in ecstasy. "Alas! alas! you do not know him; he is a man who knows nothing of pardon—a man who cannot be deceived. He will kill you, Raymon!"
"Yes, he can separate us!" Madame Delmare quickly interrupted, swept away by her lover's excitement as she listened to him in a state of ecstasy. "Oh! Oh! You don’t understand him; he’s a man who knows nothing of forgiveness—a man who can’t be fooled. He will kill you, Raymon!"
She hid her face in his bosom, sobbing. Raymon embraced her passionately.
She buried her face in his chest, crying. Raymon held her close.
"Let him come!" he cried; "let him come and snatch this moment of happiness from me! I defy him! Stay here, Indiana—here against my heart; let it be your refuge and your protection. Love me and I shall be invulnerable. You know that it is not in that man's power to kill me; I have already been exposed defenceless to his blows. But you, my good angel, were hovering over me, and your wings protected me. Have no fear, I say, we shall find a way to turn aside his wrath; and now I am not even afraid for you, for I shall be at hand. And when this master of yours attempts to oppress you, I will protect you against him. I will rescue you, if necessary, from his cruel laws. Would you like me to kill him? Tell me that you love me, and I will be his executioner if you sentence him to death."
"Let him come!" he shouted; "let him come and take this moment of happiness from me! I dare him! Stay here, Indiana—right against my heart; let it be your shelter and your safety. Love me, and I'll be untouchable. You know that man can't kill me; I've already faced his attacks without defenses. But you, my good angel, were watching over me, and your wings kept me safe. Don’t worry, I’m telling you, we’ll find a way to fend off his anger; and right now, I'm not even worried about you because I’ll be close by. And when this master of yours tries to oppress you, I’ll defend you against him. I’ll save you if I have to, from his cruel laws. Do you want me to kill him? Just say you love me, and I’ll be his executioner if you sentence him to death."
"Hush! hush! you make me shudder! If you wish to kill some one, kill me; for I have lived one whole day and I ask nothing more."
"Hush! Hush! You're making me shudder! If you want to kill someone, just kill me; I've lived through one whole day and I don't want anything more."
"Die, then, but let it be of happiness!" cried Raymon, pressing his lips to Indiana's.
"Die, then, but let it be from happiness!" shouted Raymon, pressing his lips to Indiana's.
But the storm was too severe for so fragile a plant; she turned pale, put her hand to her heart and swooned.
But the storm was too harsh for such a delicate plant; she turned pale, put her hand on her heart, and fainted.
At first Raymon thought that his caresses would call her blood back into her icy veins; but in vain did he cover her hand with kisses; in vain did he call her by the sweetest names. It was not a premeditated swoon of the sort we so often see. Madame Delmare had been seriously ill for a long time, and was subject to nervous paroxysms which sometimes lasted whole hours. Raymon, in desperation, was reduced to the necessity of calling for help. He rang; a maid appeared; but the phial that she held escaped from her hands, and a cry from her throat, when she recognized Raymon. He, recovering instantly all his self-possession, put his mouth to her ear.
At first, Raymon thought his touch would bring warmth back to her cold skin; but despite showering her hand with kisses and calling her the sweetest names, nothing worked. This wasn't just a dramatic fainting spell like we often see. Madame Delmare had been seriously ill for a long time, experiencing nervous episodes that could last for hours. In his desperation, Raymon felt he had no choice but to call for help. He rang the bell; a maid came in, but the vial she was holding slipped from her hands, and she gasped when she recognized Raymon. He quickly regained his composure and leaned in to whisper in her ear.
"Hush, Noun! I knew that you were here and I came to see you. I did not expect to see your mistress, who was, as I supposed, at the ball. When I came in I frightened her and she fainted. Be prudent; I am going away."
"Hush, Noun! I knew you were here, so I came to see you. I didn’t expect to find your mistress, who I thought was at the ball. When I walked in, I startled her, and she fainted. Be careful; I’m leaving now."
Raymon fled, leaving each of the two women in possession of a secret which was destined to carry despair to the heart of the other.
Raymon ran away, leaving both women with a secret that was destined to bring heartbreak to the other.
VII
The next morning Raymon, on waking, received a second letter from Noun. He did not toss this one disdainfully aside; on the contrary, he opened it eagerly: it might have something to say of Madame Delmare. So, in fact, it did; but in what an embarrassing position this complication of intrigues placed Raymon! It had become impossible to conceal the girl's secret. Already suffering and terror had thinned her cheeks. Madame Delmare observed her ailing condition, but was unable to discover its cause. Noun dreaded the colonel's severity, but she dreaded her mistress's gentleness even more. She was very sure that she would obtain forgiveness, but she would die of shame and grief in being forced to make the confession. What would become of her if Raymon were not careful to protect her from the humiliations that were certain to overwhelm her! He must give some thought to her, or she would throw herself at Madame Delmare's feet and tell her the whole story.
The next morning, Raymon woke up to find a second letter from Noun. He didn't toss this one aside dismissively; instead, he opened it eagerly, hoping it might mention Madame Delmare. And it did, but it also put Raymon in a really awkward position because of all these complicated intrigues! It was impossible to hide the girl's secret any longer. Pain and fear had already made her cheeks pale. Madame Delmare noticed she was unwell but couldn't figure out why. Noun feared the colonel's harshness, but she was even more afraid of her mistress's kindness. She was pretty sure she would get forgiveness, but she felt like she would die from shame and sorrow at having to confess. What would happen to her if Raymon didn't step in to protect her from the inevitable embarrassment? He had to think about her, or she would end up falling at Madame Delmare's feet and revealing everything.
The fear of this result had a powerful effect upon Monsieur de Ramière. His first thought was to separate Noun from her mistress.
The fear of this outcome had a strong impact on Monsieur de Ramière. His first thought was to separate Noun from her owner.
"Be very careful not to speak without my consent," he wrote in reply. "Try and be in Lagny this evening. I will be there."
"Be really careful not to say anything without my permission," he wrote back. "Try to be in Lagny this evening. I’ll be there."
On his way thither he reflected as to the course he had better pursue. Noun had common sense enough not to expect a reparation—that was out of the question. She had never dared to utter the word marriage, and because she was discreet and generous, Raymon deemed himself less guilty. He said to himself that he had not deceived her, and that Noun must have foreseen what her fate must be. The cause of Raymon's embarrassment was not any hesitation about offering the poor girl half of his fortune; he was ready to enrich her, to take all the care of her that the most sensitive delicacy could suggest. What made his position so painful was the necessity of telling her that he no longer loved her; for he did not know how to dissemble. Although his conduct at this crisis seems two-faced and treacherous, his heart was sincere, and had always been. He had loved Noun with his senses; he loved Madame Delmare with all his heart. Thus far he had lied to neither. His aim now was to avoid beginning to lie, and Raymon felt equally incapable of deceiving Noun and of dealing her the fatal blow. He must make a choice between a cowardly and a barbarous act. Raymon was very unhappy. He had come to no decision when he reached the gate of Lagny park.
On his way there, he thought about what he should do next. Noun was smart enough not to expect any kind of apology—that was out of the question. She had never dared to mention marriage, and because she was discreet and generous, Raymon felt less guilty about the whole situation. He told himself he hadn't deceived her and that Noun must have seen what her future would be. The reason for Raymon's discomfort wasn't because he hesitated to offer the poor girl half of his fortune; he was ready to provide for her and care for her with the utmost sensitivity. What made his situation so difficult was having to tell her that he no longer loved her; he didn’t know how to pretend. Even though his actions at this moment might seem deceitful and treacherous, his feelings were genuine and had always been. He had loved Noun with his senses; he loved Madame Delmare with all his heart. Up to that point, he had been honest with both. Now, he aimed to avoid starting to lie, and Raymon felt equally unable to deceive Noun and to deliver the painful truth. He had to choose between a cowardly act and a cruel one. Raymon was very unhappy. He hadn’t made a decision by the time he reached the gate of Lagny park.
Noun, for her part, had not expected so prompt a reply, and had recovered a little hope.
Noun, for her part, hadn’t expected such a quick reply, and had regained a bit of hope.
"He still loves me," she said to herself, "he doesn't mean to abandon me. He had forgotten me a little, that's not to be wondered at; in Paris, in the midst of merrymaking, with all the women in love with him, as they are sure to be, he has allowed himself to be led away from the poor creole for a few moments. Alas! who am I that he should sacrifice to me all those great ladies who are much lovelier and richer than I am? Who knows," she said to herself artlessly, "perhaps the Queen of France is in love with him!"
"He still loves me," she told herself, "he doesn’t really want to leave me. He just forgot about me for a bit, which is understandable; in Paris, surrounded by all the fun and all the women who are in love with him, it’s no surprise that he got distracted from the poor Creole for a little while. Oh! Who am I to expect him to give up those beautiful and wealthy ladies for me? Who knows," she said to herself innocently, "maybe the Queen of France is in love with him!"
By dint of meditating upon the seductions which luxurious surroundings probably exerted on her lover, Noun thought of a scheme for making herself more agreeable to him. She arrayed herself in her mistress's clothes, lighted a great fire in the room that Madame Delmare occupied at Lagny, decorated the mantel with the loveliest flowers she could find in the greenhouse, prepared a collation of fruit and choice wines, in a word resorted to all the dainty devices of the boudoir, of which she had never thought before; and when she looked at herself in a great mirror, she did herself no more than justice in deciding that she was fairer than the flowers with which she had sought to embellish her charms.
By thinking about how much charm luxurious surroundings probably had on her lover, Noun came up with a plan to make herself more appealing to him. She put on her mistress's clothes, lit a big fire in the room that Madame Delmare used at Lagny, decorated the mantel with the prettiest flowers she could find in the greenhouse, prepared a spread of fruit and fine wines, in short, used all the delicate tricks of the boudoir that she had never considered before; and when she looked at herself in a large mirror, she couldn’t help but feel justified in deciding that she was more beautiful than the flowers she had used to enhance her allure.
"He has often told me," she said to herself, "that I needed no ornaments to make me lovely, and that no woman at court, in all the splendor of her diamonds, was worth one of my smiles. And yet those same women that he used to despise fill his thoughts now. Come, I must be cheerful, I must seem lively and happy; perhaps I shall reconquer to-night all the love I once aroused in him."
"He has often told me," she said to herself, "that I don’t need any decorations to be beautiful, and that no woman at court, no matter how much glitter and diamonds she has, is worth even one of my smiles. And yet those same women he used to look down on are what he thinks about now. Come on, I need to be cheerful; I have to appear lively and happy. Maybe tonight I can win back all the love I once stirred in him."
Raymon, having left his horse at a charcoal-burner's cabin in the forest, entered the park, to which he had a key. This time he did not run the risk of being taken for a thief; for almost all the servants had gone with their masters, he had taken the gardener into his confidence, and he knew all the approaches to Lagny as well as those to his own estate.
Raymon, having left his horse at a charcoal-burner's cabin in the forest, entered the park, for which he had a key. This time he wasn't worried about being mistaken for a thief; almost all the staff had left with their employers, he had trusted the gardener with his plans, and he knew all the routes to Lagny just as well as those to his own estate.
It was a cold night; the trees in the park were enveloped in a dense mist, and Raymon could hardly distinguish their black trunks through the white mist which swathed them in diaphanous robes. He wandered some time through the winding paths before he found the door of the summer-house where Noun awaited him. She was wrapped in a pelisse with the hood thrown over her head.
It was a chilly night; the trees in the park were surrounded by thick mist, and Raymon could barely make out their dark trunks through the white fog that wrapped them in sheer layers. He strolled for a while along the twisting paths before he found the door to the summer house where Noun was waiting for him. She was bundled up in a coat with the hood pulled over her head.
"We cannot stay here," she said, "it is too cold. Follow me and do not speak."
"We can't stay here," she said, "it's too cold. Follow me and don't say anything."
Raymon felt an extreme reluctance to enter Madame Delmare's house as the lover of her maid. However, he could not but comply; Noun was walking lightly away in front of him, and this interview was to be the last.
Raymon felt a strong hesitation to enter Madame Delmare's house as the boyfriend of her maid. However, he had no choice but to go in; Noun was walking ahead of him, and this meeting was going to be the last one.
She led him across the courtyard, quieted the dogs, opened the doors noiselessly, and, taking his hand, guided him in silence through the dark corridors; at last she ushered him into a circular room, furnished simply but with refinement, where flowering orange-bushes exhaled their sweet perfume; transparent wax candles were burning in the candelabra.
She took him across the courtyard, calmed the dogs, opened the doors quietly, and, holding his hand, led him silently through the dark hallways. Finally, she brought him into a circular room, simply but elegantly furnished, where orange bushes were in bloom, filling the air with their sweet scent, and clear wax candles were burning in the candelabra.
Noun had strewn the floor with the petals of Bengal roses, the divan was covered with violets, a subtle warmth entered at every pore, and the glasses gleamed on the table amid the fruit, whose ruddy cheeks were daintily blended with green moss.
Noun had scattered Bengal rose petals all over the floor, the sofa was adorned with violets, a gentle warmth flowed in from every direction, and the glasses sparkled on the table surrounded by fruit, whose red skin beautifully contrasted with the green moss.
Dazzled by the sudden transition from darkness to brilliant light, Raymon stood for a moment bewildered; but it was not long ere he realized where he was. The exquisite taste and chaste simplicity which characterized the furniture; the love stories and books of travel scattered over the mahogany shelves; the embroidery frame covered with a bright, pretty piece of work, the diversion of hours of patient melancholy; the harp whose strings seemed still to quiver with strains of love and longing; the engravings representing the pastoral attachment of Paul and Virginie, the peaks of Ile Bourbon and the blue shores of Saint-Paul; and, above all, the little bed half-hidden behind its muslin curtains, as white and modest as a maiden's bed, and over the headboard, by way of consecrated boxwood, a bit of palm, taken perhaps from some tree in her native island, on the day of her departure;—all these revealed the presence of Madame Delmare, and Raymon was seized with a strange thrill as he thought that that cloak-enveloped woman who had led him thither might be Indiana herself. This extravagant supposition seemed to be confirmed when he saw, in the mirror opposite, a white figure, the phantom of a woman entering a ball-room and laying aside her cloak, to appear, radiant and half-nude, in the dazzling light. But it was only a momentary error—Indiana would have concealed her charms more carefully; her modest bosom would have been visible only through the triple gauze veil of her corsage; she would perhaps have dressed her hair with natural camellias, but they would not have frisked about on her head in such seductive disorder; she might have encased her feet in satin shoes, but her chaste gown would not have betrayed thus shamelessly the mysteries of her shapely legs.
Dazzled by the sudden shift from darkness to bright light, Raymon stood there for a moment, puzzled; but it didn’t take long for him to realize where he was. The exquisite taste and simple elegance of the furniture, the romance novels and travel books scattered across the mahogany shelves, the embroidery frame covered with a charming piece of work, a distraction born from hours of patient melancholy; the harp whose strings seemed to still vibrate with notes of love and longing; the engravings depicting the pastoral bond of Paul and Virginie, the peaks of Ile Bourbon, and the blue shores of Saint-Paul; and, above all, the little bed partly hidden behind its muslin curtains, as white and modest as a maiden's bed, with a bit of palm over the headboard, perhaps taken from some tree on her native island, on the day she left;—all of these showed the presence of Madame Delmare, and Raymon felt a strange thrill at the thought that the cloaked woman who had brought him there could be Indiana herself. This wild idea seemed to be confirmed when he saw in the mirror opposite a white figure, like a ghostly woman entering a ballroom and taking off her cloak to appear, radiant and half-naked, in the dazzling light. But it was just a momentary mistake—Indiana would have concealed her beauty more carefully; her modest chest would have been visible only through the triple gauze veil of her corset; she might have adorned her hair with natural camellias, but they wouldn’t have been tousled so enticingly on her head; she might have worn satin shoes, but her decent gown wouldn’t have so shamelessly revealed the allure of her shapely legs.
Taller and more powerfully built than her mistress, Noun was dressed, not clothed in her finery. She was graceful but lacked nobility of bearing; she was lovely with the loveliness of women, not of fairies; she invited pleasure and gave no promise of sublime bliss.
Taller and stronger than her mistress, Noun was dressed, not just wearing her fancy clothes. She was graceful but didn't carry herself with nobility; she was beautiful in a way that was typical of women, not like fairies; she stirred desire but offered no guarantee of true happiness.
Raymon, after scrutinizing her in the mirror without turning his head, turned his eyes upon everything that was calculated to give forth a purer reflection of Indiana—the musical instruments, the paintings, the narrow, maidenly bed. He was intoxicated by the vague perfume her presence had left behind in that sanctuary; he shuddered with desire as he thought of the day when Indiana herself should throw open its delights to him; and Noun, standing behind him with her arms folded, gazed ecstatically at him, fancying that he was overwhelmed with delight at the sight of all the pains she had taken to please him.
Raymon, after examining her in the mirror without moving his head, shifted his focus to everything that could reflect Indiana better—the musical instruments, the paintings, the narrow, feminine bed. He was captivated by the lingering scent her presence had left in that space; he trembled with desire at the thought of the day when Indiana would share its pleasures with him; and Noun, standing behind him with her arms crossed, looked at him in awe, believing he was deeply impressed by all the effort she had put in to please him.
But he broke the silence at last.
But he finally said something.
"I thank you," he said, "for all the preparations you have made for me; I thank you especially for bringing me here, but I have enjoyed this pleasant surprise long enough. Let us leave this room; we are not in our proper place here, and I must have some respect for Madame Delmare, even in her absence."
"I appreciate it," he said, "for all the arrangements you've made for me; I especially thank you for bringing me here, but I've enjoyed this nice surprise long enough. Let's leave this room; we don't belong here, and I must show some respect for Madame Delmare, even though she isn't here."
"That is very cruel," said Noun, who did not understand him, but remarked his cold and displeased manner; "it is very hard to have had such hopes of pleasing you and to see that you spurn me."
"That is really harsh," said Noun, who didn’t get what he meant, but noticed his cold and unhappy attitude; "it’s really tough to have had such high hopes of making you happy and to see you reject me."
"No, dear Noun, I shall never spurn you; I came here to have a serious talk with you and to show you the deep affection that I owe you. I am grateful for your desire to please me; but I loved you better adorned by your youth and your natural charms than in this borrowed finery."
"No, dear Noun, I will never reject you; I came here to have a serious conversation with you and to express the deep affection I have for you. I appreciate your effort to please me, but I loved you more when you were simply yourself, with your youth and natural beauty, rather than in this borrowed fancy outfit."
Noun half understood and wept.
Noun half grasped and cried.
"I am a miserable creature," she said; "I hate myself, for I no longer please you. I should have foreseen that you would not love me long, being, as I am, a poor, uneducated girl. I do not reproach you for anything. I knew well enough that you would not marry me; but if you would have kept on loving me, I would have sacrificed everything without a regret, endured everything without complaining. Alas! I am ruined! I am dishonored! perhaps I shall be turned out-of-doors. I am going to give life to a creature who will be even more unfortunate than I am, and no one will pity me. Everyone will feel that he has a right to trample on me. But I would joyfully submit to all that, if you still loved me."
"I am such a miserable person," she said; "I hate myself because I'm not enough for you anymore. I should have seen that you wouldn't love me for long, considering I'm just a poor, uneducated girl. I don't blame you for anything. I knew you wouldn’t marry me; but if you had kept loving me, I would have given up everything without regret, endured anything without complaint. Alas! I am ruined! I am dishonored! I might even be thrown out. I'm going to bring a life into this world that will be even more unfortunate than mine, and no one will care about me. Everyone will think they have the right to walk all over me. But I'd gladly accept all of that if you still loved me."
Noun talked thus a long while. Perhaps she did not repeat the same words, but she said the same things, and said them a hundred times more eloquently than I can say them. Where are we to look for the secret of the eloquence which suddenly reveals itself to an ignorant, inexperienced mind in the crisis of a genuine passion and a profound sorrow? At such times words have a greater value than in all the other scenes of life; at such times trivial words become sublime by reason of the sentiment that dictates them and the accent with which they are spoken. At such times the woman of the lowest rank, abandoning herself to the frenzy of her emotions, becomes more pathetic and more convincing than her to whom education has taught moderation and reserve.
Noun talked like this for a long time. Maybe she didn’t use the same words, but she conveyed the same ideas, and she expressed them a hundred times more eloquently than I could. Where can we find the secret of the eloquence that suddenly shows up in an ignorant, inexperienced mind during the peak of genuine passion and deep sorrow? During those moments, words hold more weight than in any other situations in life; during those moments, simple words become extraordinary because of the feelings behind them and the way they’re delivered. In those moments, even a woman from the lowest background, losing herself in the intensity of her emotions, can seem more moving and persuasive than someone who has been taught to be moderate and restrained.
Raymon was flattered to find that he had inspired so generous an attachment, and gratitude, compassion, perhaps a little vanity, rekindled love for a moment.
Raymon felt flattered to discover that he had sparked such a deep connection, and gratitude, compassion, and maybe a touch of vanity brought back feelings of love for a brief moment.
Noun was suffocated by her tears; she had torn the flowers from her hair which fell in disorder over her broad and dazzling shoulders. If Madame Delmare had not had her slavery and her sufferings to heighten her charms, Noun would have surpassed her immeasurably in beauty at that moment; she was resplendent with grief and love. Raymon was vanquished; he drew her into his arms, made her sit beside him on the sofa, moved the little decanter-laden table nearer to them, and poured a few drops of orange-flower water in a silver cup for her. Comforted by this mark of interest far more than by the calming potion, Noun wiped away her tears and threw herself at Raymon's feet.
Noun was overwhelmed by her tears; she had pulled the flowers from her hair, which fell messily over her broad and striking shoulders. If Madame Delmare hadn’t had her hardships and suffering to enhance her beauty, Noun would have far outshone her at that moment; she was radiant with grief and love. Raymon was defeated; he pulled her into his arms, had her sit next to him on the sofa, moved the small table with the decanters closer, and poured a few drops of orange-flower water into a silver cup for her. Feeling more comforted by his gesture of concern than by the soothing drink, Noun wiped her tears and threw herself at Raymon’s feet.
"Do love me," she said, passionately embracing his knees; "tell me that you still love me and I shall be cured, I shall be saved. Kiss me as you used to, and I will not regret having ruined myself to give you a few days of pleasure."
"Do love me," she said, passionately hugging his knees. "Just tell me you still love me, and I’ll be okay, I’ll be saved. Kiss me like you used to, and I won’t regret ruining myself for a few days of happiness with you."
She threw her cool, brown arms about him, she covered him with her long hair; her great black eyes emitted a burning languor and betrayed that ardor of the blood, that purely oriental lust which is capable of triumphing over all the efforts of the will, all the chaste delicacy of the thought. Raymon forgot everything—his resolutions, his new love and his surroundings. He returned Noun's delirious caresses. He moistened his lips at the same cup, and the heady wines which were close at hand completed the dethronement of their reason.
She wrapped her cool, brown arms around him, covering him with her long hair; her large black eyes gave off a burning passion and revealed that intense desire, that distinctly oriental lust that can overcome any effort of will, any pure delicacy of thought. Raymon forgot everything—his promises, his new love, and his surroundings. He responded to Noun's wild embraces. He drank from the same cup, and the intoxicating wines nearby completely clouded their judgment.
Little by little a vague and shadowy memory of Indiana was blended with Raymon's drunkenness. The two glass panels which repeated Noun's image ad infinitum seemed to be peopled by a thousand phantoms. He gazed into the depths of that multiple reflection, looking for a slenderer figure there, and it seemed to him that he could distinguish, in the last hazy and confused shadow of Noun's image the graceful and willowy form of Madame Delmare.
Little by little, a vague and shadowy memory of Indiana mixed with Raymon's drunkenness. The two glass panels that reflected Noun's image ad infinitum seemed filled with a thousand ghosts. He stared into the depths of that endless reflection, searching for a slimmer figure, and it felt like he could make out, in the last faint and blurry shadow of Noun's image, the elegant and slender form of Madame Delmare.
Noun, herself bewildered by the strong liquors which she knew not how to use, no longer noticed her lover's strange remarks. If she had not been as drunk as he, she would have understood that in his wildest flights Raymon was thinking of another woman. She would have seen him kiss the scarf and the ribbons Indiana had worn, inhale the perfume which reminded him of her, crumple in his burning hands the tissue that had covered her breast; but Noun appropriated all these transports to herself, when Raymon saw naught of her but Indiana's dress. If he kissed her black hair, he fancied that he was kissing Indiana's black hair. It was Indiana whom he saw in the fumes of the punch which Noun's hand had lighted; it was she who smiled upon him and beckoned him from behind those white muslin curtains; and it was she of whom he dreamed upon that chaste and spotless bed, when, yielding to the influence of love and wine, he led thither his dishevelled creole.
Noun, feeling confused by the strong drinks she didn't know how to handle, stopped noticing her lover's odd comments. If she hadn't been as drunk as he was, she would have realized that during his wild moments, Raymon was thinking of another woman. She would have seen him kiss the scarf and ribbons that Indiana had worn, breathe in the perfume that reminded him of her, and crush the tissue that covered her breast in his burning hands; but Noun took all these emotions for herself, while Raymon saw nothing of her but Indiana's dress. When he kissed her black hair, he imagined he was kissing Indiana's black hair. It was Indiana he envisioned in the haze of the punch that Noun had ignited; it was her who smiled at him and called to him from behind those white muslin curtains; and it was her he dreamt of on that pure and untouched bed, when, succumbing to the effects of love and alcohol, he led his disheveled Creole there.
When Raymon woke, a sort of half light was shining through the cracks of the shutters, and he lay a long while without moving, absorbed by a vague feeling of surprise and gazing at the room in which he was and the bed in which he had slept, as if they were a vision of his slumber. Everything in Madame Delmare's chamber had been put in order. Noun, who had fallen asleep the sovereign mistress of that place, had waked in the morning a lady's-maid once more. She had taken away the flowers and put the remains of the collation out of sight; the furniture was all in place, nothing suggested the amorous debauch of the night, and Indiana's chamber had resumed its innocent and virtuous aspect.
When Raymon woke up, a faint light was shining through the cracks in the shutters, and he lay there for a long time without moving, caught up in a vague sense of surprise, looking around the room he was in and at the bed where he had slept, as if they were just a dream. Everything in Madame Delmare's room was tidy. Noun, who had been the queen of that space while asleep, had woken up as a maid again. She had taken away the flowers and hidden the leftovers from the snacks; the furniture was arranged neatly, and nothing hinted at the passionate turmoil of the night. Indiana's room had restored its innocent and virtuous appearance.
Overwhelmed with shame, he rose and attempted to leave the room, but he was locked in; the window was thirty feet from the ground, and he must needs remain in that remorse-laden atmosphere, like Ixion on his wheel. Thereupon he fell on his knees with his face toward that disarranged, tumbled bed which made him blush.
Overcome with shame, he stood up and tried to leave the room, but he was locked in; the window was thirty feet off the ground, and he had to stay in that atmosphere full of remorse, like Ixion on his wheel. He then dropped to his knees, facing the messy, disheveled bed that made him blush.
"O Indiana!" he cried, wringing his hands, "how I have outraged you! Can you ever forgive me for such infamous conduct? Even if you should forgive me, I can never forgive myself. Resist me now, my gentle, trustful Indiana; for you do not know the baseness and brutality of the man to whom you would surrender the treasures of your innocence! Repulse me, trample on me, for I have not respected the sanctuary of your sacred modesty; I have befuddled myself with your wine like a footman, sitting beside your maid; I have sullied your spotless robe with my accursed breath, and your chaste girdle with my infamous kisses on another's breast; I have not shrunk from poisoning the repose of your lonely nights, and from shedding, even upon this bed, which your husband himself respected, the influences of seduction and adultery! What safety will you find henceforth behind these curtains whose mysteries I have not shrunk from profaning? What impure dreams, what bitter and consuming thoughts will cling fast to your brain and wither it! What phantoms of vice and shamelessness will crawl upon the virginal linen of your couch! And your sleep, pure as a child's—what chaste divinity will care to protect it now? Have I not put to flight the angel who guarded your pillow? Have I not thrown your alcove open to the demon of lust? Have I not sold him your soul? And will not the insane passion which consumes the vitals of this lascivious creole cling to yours, like Dejanira's robe and gnaw at them! Oh! miserable wretch! miserable, guilty wretch that I am! if only I could wash away with my blood the stain I have left on this couch!"
"Oh Indiana!" he cried, wringing his hands, "how I've wronged you! Can you ever forgive me for such terrible behavior? Even if you do forgive me, I can never forgive myself. Resist me now, my gentle, trusting Indiana; for you don’t know the deceit and cruelty of the man to whom you would give the treasures of your innocence! Push me away, trample on me, because I have not respected the sanctity of your sacred modesty; I got drunk on your wine like a servant, sitting beside your maid; I have stained your spotless dress with my cursed breath, and your pure ribbon with my scandalous kisses on someone else's chest; I have not hesitated to disturb the peace of your lonely nights, and to bring, even on this bed, which your husband himself honored, the forces of seduction and betrayal! What safety will you find behind these curtains whose secrets I have not shied away from violating? What impure dreams, what bitter and consuming thoughts will cling to your mind and drain it! What phantoms of vice and shamelessness will creep across the virgin linen of your bed! And your sleep, pure as a child's—what innocent spirit will care to protect it now? Have I not driven away the angel who watched over your pillow? Have I not opened your alcove to the demon of desire? Have I not sold him your soul? And will not the insane passion that devours the insides of this lustful Creole attach itself to yours, like Dejanira's robe, and gnaw at them? Oh! wretched, miserable creature that I am! If only I could wash away with my blood the stain I've left on this bed!"
And Raymon sprinkled it with his tears.
And Raymon sprinkled it with his tears.
At that moment Noun returned, in her neckerchief and apron; she fancied, when she saw Raymon kneeling, that he was praying. She did not know that society people do not pray. She stood waiting in silence, until he should deign to notice her presence.
At that moment, Noun came back, wearing her neckerchief and apron; she thought, upon seeing Raymon kneeling, that he was praying. She wasn't aware that people in society don't pray. She stood quietly waiting until he would acknowledge her presence.
Raymon, when he saw her, had a feeling of embarrassment and irritation, but without the courage to scold her, without the strength to say a friendly word to her.
Raymon, when he saw her, felt a mix of embarrassment and irritation, but he didn't have the courage to scold her or the strength to say something nice to her.
"Why did you lock me in this room?" he said at last. "Do you forget that it is broad daylight and that I cannot go out without compromising you openly?"
"Why did you lock me in this room?" he finally said. "Do you forget that it's broad daylight and that I can't go out without putting you in a difficult position?"
"So you're not to go out," said Noun caressingly. "The house is deserted and no one can see you; the gardener never comes to this part of the building to which I alone have the keys. You must stay with me all day; you are my prisoner."
"So you can't go out," Noun said gently. "The house is empty and no one can see you; the gardener never comes to this part of the building, and I have all the keys. You have to stay with me all day; you're my prisoner."
This arrangement drove Raymon to despair; he had no other feeling for his mistress than a sort of aversion. However, he could do nothing but submit, and it may be that, notwithstanding what he suffered in that room, an invincible attraction detained him there.
This situation pushed Raymon into despair; he felt nothing for his mistress except a kind of dislike. Still, he had no choice but to accept it, and maybe, despite the pain he experienced in that room, a strong attraction kept him there.
When Noun left him to go and find something for breakfast, he set about examining by daylight all those dumb witnesses of Indiana's solitude. He opened her books, turned the leaves of her albums, then closed them precipitately; for he still shrank from committing a profanation and violating some feminine mystery. At last he began to pace the room and noticed, on the wooden panel opposite Madame Delmare's bed, a large picture, richly framed and covered with a double thickness of gauze.
When Noun left to go find something for breakfast, he started looking at all the silent reminders of Indiana's loneliness in the daylight. He opened her books and flipped through her albums, then quickly shut them, still hesitant to invade some feminine secret. Finally, he began to walk around the room and noticed a large picture on the wooden panel opposite Madame Delmare's bed, richly framed and covered with a double layer of gauze.
Perhaps it was Indiana's portrait. Raymon, in his eagerness to see it, forgot his scruples, stepped on a chair, removed the pins, and was amazed to see a full-length portrait of a handsome young man.
Perhaps it was Indiana's portrait. Raymon, in his excitement to see it, forgot his reservations, climbed on a chair, took out the pins, and was astonished to find a full-length portrait of a handsome young man.
VIII
"It seems to me that I know that face," he said to Noun, struggling to assume an indifferent attitude.
"It feels like I recognize that face," he told Noun, trying to act casual.
"Fi! monsieur," said the girl, as she placed on a table the tray that she brought containing the breakfast; "it is not right to try and find out my mistress's secrets."
"Ugh! Sir," said the girl, as she set the tray of breakfast on the table, "it's not right to try and uncover my mistress's secrets."
This remark made Raymon turn pale.
This comment made Raymon go pale.
"Secrets!" he said. "If this is a secret, it has been confided to you, Noun, and you were doubly guilty in bringing me to this room."
"Secrets!" he said. "If this is a secret, it has been shared with you, Noun, and you’re even more guilty for bringing me to this room."
"Oh! no, it's not a secret," said Noun with a smile; "for Monsieur Delmare himself assisted in hanging Sir Ralph's portrait on that panel. As if madame could have any secrets with a husband so jealous!"
"Oh! no, it's not a secret," Noun said with a smile; "because Monsieur Delmare himself helped hang Sir Ralph's portrait on that panel. As if madame could keep any secrets with a husband who's so jealous!"
"Sir Ralph, you say? Who is Sir Ralph?"
"Sir Ralph, you say? Who's Sir Ralph?"
"Sir Rodolphe Brown, madame's cousin, her playmate in childhood, and my own, too, I might say; he is such a good man!"
"Sir Rodolphe Brown, my aunt's cousin and her childhood playmate, as well as mine, I should add; he is such a great guy!"
Raymon scrutinized the picture with surprise and some uneasiness.
Raymon stared at the picture, feeling both surprised and a bit uneasy.
We have said that Sir Ralph was an extremely comely person, physically; with a red and white complexion and abundant hair, a tall figure, always perfectly dressed, and capable, if not of turning a romantic brain, of satisfying the vanity of an unromantic one. The peaceable baronet was represented in hunting costume, about as we saw him in the first chapter of this narrative, and surrounded by his dogs, the beautiful pointer Ophelia in the foreground, because of the fine silver-gray tone of her silky coat and the purity of her Scotch blood. Sir Ralph had a hunting-horn in one hand and in the other the rein of a superb, dapple-gray English hunter, who filled almost the whole background of the picture. It was an admirably executed portrait, a genuine family picture with all its perfection of detail, all its puerile niceties of resemblance, all its bourgeois minutiæ; a picture to make a nurse weep, dogs bark and a tailor faint with joy. There was but one thing on earth more insignificant than the portrait, and that was the original.
We’ve mentioned that Sir Ralph was a really attractive guy; with a fair skin tone and lots of hair, he had a tall stature and was always perfectly dressed. He could easily flatter the vanity of those who weren’t romantic, even if he didn’t exactly sweep anyone off their feet. The easygoing baronet was shown in his hunting gear, just like we saw him in the first chapter of this story, surrounded by his dogs, with the gorgeous pointer Ophelia in the foreground due to her stunning silver-gray coat and pure Scottish lineage. Sir Ralph held a hunting horn in one hand and the reins of a magnificent dapple-gray English horse in the other, which took up almost the entire background of the picture. It was an exceptionally well-done portrait, a true family picture with perfect detail, all the silly nuances of resemblance, and all the everyday little touches; a picture that could make a nanny cry, dogs bark, and a tailor faint with happiness. The only thing on earth more forgettable than the portrait was the person it depicted.
Nevertheless it kindled a violent flame of wrath in Raymon.
Nevertheless, it ignited a fierce anger in Raymon.
"Upon my word!" he said to himself, "this dapper young Englishman enjoys the privilege of being admitted to Madame Delmare's most secret apartment! His vapid face is always here, looking coldly on at the most private acts of her life! He watches her, guards her, follows her every movement, possesses her every hour in the day! At night he watches her asleep and surprises the secret of her dreams; in the morning, when she comes forth, all white and quivering, from her bed, he sees the dainty bare foot that steps lightly on the carpet; and when she dresses with all precaution—when she draws the curtains at her window and forbids even the daylight from entering her presence too boldly—when she believes that she is quite alone, hidden from every eye—that insolent face is there, feasting on her charms! That man, all booted and spurred, presides over her toilet. Is this gauze usually spread over the picture?" he asked the maid.
"Wow!" he said to himself, "this sharp-dressed young Englishman gets the privilege of being let into Madame Delmare's most private room! His bland face is always here, coldly observing the most intimate moments of her life! He watches her, protects her, follows her every move, and occupies her every hour of the day! At night, he watches her while she sleeps and discovers the secrets of her dreams; in the morning, when she steps out, all pale and trembling, from her bed, he sees her delicate bare foot touch the carpet; and when she gets dressed with such care—when she pulls the curtains at her window and makes sure that not even daylight enters too intrusively—when she thinks she’s completely alone, hidden from every gaze—his arrogant face is there, enjoying her beauty! That guy, all dressed up and ready, oversees her getting ready. Is this sheer fabric always draped over the scene?" he asked the maid.
"Always," she replied, "when madame is absent. But don't take the trouble to replace it, for madame is coming in a few days."
"Always," she replied, "when the lady is away. But don't worry about replacing it, because she will be back in a few days."
"In that case, Noun, you would do well to tell her that the expression of the face is very impertinent. If I had been in Monsieur Delmare's place I wouldn't have consented to leave it here unless I had cut out the eyes. But that's just like the stupid jealousy of the ordinary husband! They imagine everything and understand nothing."
"In that case, Noun, you should let her know that the look on her face is really rude. If I were in Monsieur Delmare's position, I wouldn't agree to leave it here unless I had taken out the eyes. But that's typical of the silly jealousy of an average husband! They think they know everything but really understand nothing."
"For heaven's sake, what have you against good Monsieur Brown's face?" said Noun, as she made her mistress's bed; "he is such an excellent master! I used not to care much for him, because I always heard madame say that he was selfish; but ever since the day that he took care of you——"
"For heaven's sake, what do you have against good Monsieur Brown's face?" said Noun as she made her mistress's bed. "He's such an excellent master! I didn't used to think much of him because I always heard madame say he was selfish; but ever since the day he took care of you——"
"True," Raymon interrupted her, "it was he who helped me that day; I remember him perfectly now. But I owe his interest only to Madame Delmare's prayers."
"That's true," Raymon interrupted her, "he was the one who helped me that day; I can remember him clearly now. But his interest in me was only because of Madame Delmare's prayers."
"Because she is so kind-hearted," said poor Noun. "Who could help being kind-hearted after living with her?"
"Because she is so sweet," said poor Noun. "Who could help but be sweet after living with her?"
When Noun spoke of Madame Delmare, Raymon listened with an interest of which she had no suspicion.
When Noun talked about Madame Delmare, Raymon listened with an interest she was completely unaware of.
The day passed quietly enough, but Noun dared not lead the conversation to her real object. At last, toward evening, she made an effort and compelled him to declare his intentions.
The day went by quietly enough, but Noun didn't dare steer the conversation towards her true purpose. Finally, by evening, she pushed herself to make an effort and got him to reveal his intentions.
Raymon had no other intention than to rid himself of a dangerous witness and of a woman whom he no longer loved. But he proposed to assure her future, and in fear and trembling he made her the most liberal offers.
Raymon had no other intention but to get rid of a dangerous witness and a woman he no longer loved. However, he intended to secure her future, and with fear and hesitation, he made her very generous offers.
It was a bitter affront to the poor girl; she tore her hair, and would have beaten her head against the wall if Raymon had not put forth all his strength to hold her. Thereupon, employing all the resources of language and intellect with which nature had endowed him, he made her understand that it was not for her, but for the child she was to bring into the world, that he desired to make provision.
It was a harsh blow to the poor girl; she pulled at her hair and would have slammed her head against the wall if Raymon hadn’t used all his strength to stop her. Then, using every bit of language and intellect he had, he helped her understand that his intentions were not for her, but for the child she was about to bring into the world that he wanted to provide for.
"It is my duty," he said; "I hand the funds over to you as the child's heritage, and you would fail in your duty to him if a false sense of delicacy should lead you to reject them."
"It’s my responsibility," he said; "I’m giving you the money as the child's inheritance, and it would be a failure on your part if a misplaced sense of delicacy makes you refuse it."
Noun became calmer and wiped her eyes.
Noun took a deep breath and wiped her eyes.
"Very well," she said, "I will accept the money if you will promise to keep on loving me; for, just by doing your duty to the child, you will not do it to the mother. Your gift will keep him alive, but your indifference will kill me. Can't you take me into your service? I am not exacting; I don't aspire to all that another woman in my place might have had the skill to obtain. But let me be your servant. Obtain a place for me in your mother's family. She will be satisfied with me, I give you my word; and, even if you don't love me, I shall at least see you."
"Okay," she said, "I'll take the money if you promise to keep loving me; because by just doing your duty to the child, you won't be doing it for the mother. Your gift will keep him alive, but your neglect will ruin me. Can't you hire me to help you? I'm not demanding; I don't want everything that another woman in my position might have been able to get. Just let me be your servant. Find me a spot in your mother's family. She'll be happy with me, I promise you; and even if you don't love me, at least I'll get to see you."
"What you ask is impossible, my dear Noun. In your present condition you cannot think of entering anyone's service; and to deceive my mother—to play upon her confidence in me—would be a base act to which I shall never consent. Go to Lyon or Bordeaux; I will undertake to see to it that you want nothing until such time as you can show yourself again. Then I will obtain a place for you with some one of my acquaintances—at Paris, if you wish, if you insist upon being near me—but as to living under the same roof, that is impossible."
"What you’re asking is impossible, my dear Noun. In your current state, you can’t think about working for anyone; deceiving my mother and betraying her trust in me would be a terrible thing that I will never agree to. Go to Lyon or Bordeaux; I promise to make sure you don’t lack anything until you can show yourself again. After that, I'll find you a job with someone I know— in Paris, if that’s what you want and if you insist on being close to me—but living under the same roof? That’s simply not possible."
"Impossible!" echoed Noun, wringing her hands in a passion of grief. "I see that you despise me—that you blush for me. But no, I will not go away, alone and degraded, to die abandoned in some distant city where you will forget me. What do I care for my reputation? Your love is what I wanted to retain."
"Impossible!" Noun exclaimed, wringing her hands in a fit of grief. "I see that you look down on me—that you’re embarrassed by me. But no, I will not leave, alone and humiliated, to die forgotten in some faraway city where you won’t remember me. What do I care about my reputation? Your love is what I wanted to keep."
"Noun, if you fear that I am deceiving you, come with me. The same carriage shall take us to whatever place you choose. I will go with you anywhere, except to Paris or to my mother's, and I will bestow upon you all the care and attention that I owe you."
"Noun, if you think I'm lying to you, come with me. The same carriage will take us wherever you want to go. I’ll go anywhere with you, except to Paris or my mom’s, and I’ll give you all the care and attention you deserve."
"Yes, to abandon me on the day after you have put me down, a useless burden, in some foreign land!" she rejoined, smiling bitterly. "No, monsieur, no, I will stay here; I do not choose to lose everything at once. I should sacrifice, by following you, the person whom I loved best in the world before I knew you; but I am not anxious enough to conceal my dishonor to sacrifice both my love and my friendship. I will go and throw myself at Madame Delmare's feet; I will tell her all, and she will forgive me, I know, for she is kind and she loves me. We were born on almost the same day, and she is my foster-sister. We have never been separated, and she will not want me to leave her. She will weep with me; she will take care of me, and she will love my child—my poor child! Who knows! she has not the good fortune to be a mother; perhaps she will bring it up as her own! Ah! I was mad to think of leaving her, for she is the only person on earth who will take pity on me!"
"Yes, to leave me behind the day after you’ve rejected me, a useless burden, in some strange place!" she replied, smiling bitterly. "No, sir, no, I’m staying here; I don’t want to lose everything at once. By following you, I would be sacrificing the person I loved most in the world before I met you; but I’m not desperate enough to hide my dishonor to lose both my love and my friendship. I will go and throw myself at Madame Delmare's feet; I will tell her everything, and she will forgive me, I know, because she’s kind and she loves me. We were born nearly on the same day, and she is my foster-sister. We've never been apart, and she won’t want me to leave her. She will cry with me; she will take care of me, and she will love my child—my poor child! Who knows! She doesn’t have the luck to be a mother; maybe she will raise it like her own! Ah! I was crazy to think of leaving her, for she’s the only person in the world who will have compassion for me!"
This determination plunged Raymon in horrible perplexity; but suddenly the rumbling of a carriage was heard in the courtyard. Noun, in dismay, ran to the window.
This decision left Raymon in terrible confusion; but suddenly, the sound of a carriage echoed in the courtyard. Noun, in shock, ran to the window.
"It's Madame Delmare!" she cried; "go instantly!"
"It's Madame Delmare!" she shouted; "go right now!"
In that moment of excitement the key to the secret staircase could not be found. Noun took Raymon's arm and hurriedly pulled him into the hall; but they were not half way to the stairs when they heard footsteps in the same passage; they heard Madame Delmare's voice ten steps in front of them, and a candle carried by a servant who attended her cast its flickering light almost on their terrified faces. Noun had barely time to retrace her steps, still pulling Raymon after her, and to return with him to the bedroom.
In that moment of excitement, the key to the secret staircase was nowhere to be found. Noun took Raymon's arm and quickly pulled him into the hall; but they were barely halfway to the stairs when they heard footsteps in the same corridor. They heard Madame Delmare's voice just ten steps ahead of them, and a candle held by a servant accompanying her cast its flickering light right on their frightened faces. Noun barely had time to turn back, still dragging Raymon along, and to return with him to the bedroom.
A dressing room, with a glass door, might afford a place of refuge for a few moments; but there was no way of locking the door, and it was possible that Madame Delmare might go to the dressing room at once. To avoid being detected instantly, Raymon was obliged to rush into the alcove and hide behind the curtains. It was not probable that Madame Delmare would retire at once, and meanwhile Noun might find an opportunity to help him to escape.
A dressing room with a glass door could provide a quick place to hide, but there was no way to lock it, and Madame Delmare could come in at any moment. To avoid being caught right away, Raymon had to hurry into the alcove and hide behind the curtains. It was unlikely that Madame Delmare would leave immediately, and in the meantime, Noun might find a chance to help him escape.
Indiana bustled into the room, tossed her hat on the bed and kissed Noun with the familiarity of a sister. There was so little light in the room that she did not notice her companion's emotion.
Indiana rushed into the room, tossed her hat on the bed, and gave Noun a kiss, as casually as a sister would. The room was so dim that she didn't notice her friend's emotions.
"You expected me, did you?" she said, going to the fire; "how did you know I was coming?—Monsieur Delmare," she added, not waiting for a reply, "will be here to-morrow. I started at once on receiving his letter. I have certain reasons for receiving him here and not in Paris. I will tell you what they are. But, in heaven's name, why don't you speak to me? you don't seem so glad to see me as usual."
"You were expecting me, weren’t you?" she said, walking over to the fire. "How did you know I was coming?—Monsieur Delmare," she continued without waiting for an answer, "will be here tomorrow. I left right away after getting his letter. I have specific reasons for meeting him here instead of in Paris. I’ll explain those reasons to you. But, for heaven's sake, why aren’t you talking to me? You don’t seem as happy to see me as you usually are."
"I am low-spirited," said Noun, kneeling by her mistress to remove her shoes. "I have something to tell you, too, but later; come to the salon now."
"I feel really down," said Noun, kneeling beside her mistress to take off her shoes. "I have something to share with you as well, but later; let's go to the living room now."
"God forbid! what an idea! it's deathly cold there!"
"God forbid! What a thought! It's freezing cold there!"
"No, there's a good fire."
"No, there's a nice fire."
"You are dreaming! I just came through it."
"You’re dreaming! I just went right through it."
"But your supper is waiting for you."
"But your dinner is ready for you."
"I don't want any supper; besides, there is nothing ready. Go and get my boa, I left it in the carriage."
"I don’t want any dinner; besides, there’s nothing ready. Go grab my boa; I left it in the car."
"In a moment."
"One moment."
"Why not now? Go, I say, go!"
"Why not now? Just go, I say, go!"
As she spoke, she pushed Noun toward the door with a playful air; and the maid, seeing that she must be bold and self-possessed, went out for a few moments. But she had no sooner left the room than Madame Delmare threw the bolt and removed her cloak, placing it on the bed beside her hat. As she did it, she went so near to Raymon, that he instinctively stepped back, and the bed, which apparently rested on well-oiled castors, moved with a slight noise. Madame Delmare was surprised but not frightened, for it was quite possible that she had herself moved the bed; she stretched forth her neck, drew the curtain aside and revealed a man's head outlined against the wall in the half-light cast by the fire on the hearth.
As she talked, she playfully nudged Noun toward the door, and the maid, realizing she needed to be bold and composed, stepped outside for a few moments. But as soon as she left the room, Madame Delmare locked the door and took off her cloak, laying it on the bed next to her hat. In doing so, she got so close to Raymon that he instinctively stepped back, causing the bed, which seemed to be on well-oiled wheels, to shift slightly with a noise. Madame Delmare was surprised but not scared, as it was quite possible she had moved the bed herself; she leaned forward, pulled aside the curtain, and revealed a man's head outlined against the wall in the dim light from the fire in the hearth.
In her terror she uttered a shriek and rushed to the mantel to seize the bell-cord and summon help. Raymon would have preferred to be taken for a thief again than to be recognized in that situation. But if he did not make himself known, Madame Delmare would call her servants and compromise her own reputation. He placed his trust in the love he had inspired in her, and, rushing to her, tried to stop her shrieks and to keep her away from the bell-cord, saying to her in an undertone, for fear of being heard by Noun, who was probably not far away:
In her panic, she let out a scream and rushed to the mantel to grab the bell-cord and call for help. Raymon would rather be mistaken for a thief again than be recognized in that moment. But if he didn’t reveal himself, Madame Delmare would summon her servants and ruin her reputation. He relied on the love he had inspired in her and ran to her, trying to silence her screams and keep her away from the bell-cord, whispering to her so Noun, who was probably nearby, wouldn’t hear:
"It is I, Indiana; look at me and forgive me! Indiana! forgive an unhappy wretch whose reason you have led astray, and who could not make up his mind to give you back to your husband until he had seen you once more."
"It’s me, Indiana; please look at me and forgive me! Indiana! forgive a miserable person whose mind you’ve confused, and who couldn’t bring himself to return you to your husband until he saw you one last time."
And while he held Indiana in his arms, no less in the hope of moving her than to keep her from ringing, Noun was knocking at the door in an agony of apprehension. Madame Delmare, extricating herself from Raymon's arms, ran and opened the door, then sank into a chair.
And while he held Indiana in his arms, not just hoping to move her but also to keep her from ringing, Noun was knocking at the door in a state of panic. Madame Delmare, freeing herself from Raymon's embrace, rushed to open the door and then collapsed into a chair.
Pale as death and almost fainting, Noun threw herself against the door to prevent the servants, who were running hither and thither, from interrupting this strange scene; paler than her mistress, with trembling knees and her back glued to the door, she awaited her fate.
Pale as death and nearly unconscious, Noun threw herself against the door to stop the servants, who were rushing around, from interrupting this bizarre scene; even paler than her mistress, with shaking knees and her back pressed against the door, she waited for her fate.
Raymon felt that with due address he might still deceive both women at once.
Raymon thought that with the right approach, he could still fool both women at the same time.
"Madame," he said, falling on his knees before Indiana, "my presence here must seem to you an outrageous insult; here at your feet I implore your forgiveness. Grant me an interview of a few moments and I will explain——"
"Madam," he said, dropping to his knees before Indiana, "my being here must seem like a terrible insult to you; at your feet, I beg for your forgiveness. Please allow me a few moments to explain——"
"Hush, monsieur, and leave this house," cried Madame Delmare, recovering all the dignity befitting her situation; "leave this house openly. Open the door, Noun, and allow monsieur to go, so that all my servants may see him and that the disgrace of such a proceeding may fall upon him."
"Hush, sir, and leave this house," shouted Madame Delmare, regaining all the dignity that suited her situation; "leave this house openly. Open the door, Noun, and let the sir go, so that all my servants can see him and the shame of such actions falls on him."
Noun, believing that she was detected, threw herself on her knees by Raymon's side. Madame Delmare looked at her in amazement, but said nothing.
Noun, thinking she had been caught, dropped to her knees beside Raymon. Madame Delmare stared at her in shock but said nothing.
Raymon tried to take her hand; but she indignantly withdrew it. Flushed with anger, she rose and pointed to the door.
Raymon tried to take her hand, but she angrily pulled it away. Blushing with rage, she stood up and pointed to the door.
"Go, I tell you!" she said; "go, for your conduct is despicable. So these are the means you chose to employ! you, monsieur, hiding in my bedroom, like a thief! It seems that it is a habit of yours to introduce yourself into families in this way! and this is the pure attachment that you offered me the night before last! This is the way you were to protect me, respect me and defend me! This is the way you worship me! You see a woman who has nursed you with her hands, who, to restore you to life, defied her husband's anger; you deceive her by a pretence of gratitude, you promise her a love worthy of her, and as a reward for her attentions, as the price of her credulity, you seek to surprise her in her sleep and to hasten your triumph by indescribable infamy! You bribe her maid, you almost creep into her bed, like a lover already favored; you do not shrink from admitting her servants to the secret of an intimacy that does not exist. Go, monsieur; you have taken pains to undeceive me very quickly! Go, I say! do not remain another moment under my roof! And you, wretched girl, who have so little regard for your mistress's honor—you deserve to be dismissed. Stand away from that door, I tell you!"
"Leave, I'm telling you!" she exclaimed. "Just go, because your behavior is disgusting. So these are the tactics you decided to use! You, sir, hiding in my bedroom like a thief! It seems this is how you like to infiltrate families! And this is the genuine affection you promised me the other night! This is how you were going to protect me, respect me, and defend me! This is how you admire me! You see a woman who cared for you, who risked her husband’s anger to help you; you fool her with a fake sense of gratitude, you promise her a love that she deserves, and as payment for her kindness, you try to catch her off guard in her sleep, hurrying your victory through unimaginable disgrace! You bribe her maid, you practically sneak into her bed like a lover who's already been welcomed; you don’t hesitate to involve her servants in a false intimacy that doesn’t exist. Just go, sir, you’ve made it clear to me very quickly! Go, I insist! Don’t spend another second under my roof! And you, miserable girl, who have so little respect for your mistress's honor—you deserve to be fired. Step away from that door, I said!"
Noun, half dead with surprise and despair, gazed fixedly at Raymon as if to ask him for an explanation of this incredible mystery. Then, with a wild gleam in her eyes, hardly able to stand, she dragged herself to Indiana and seized her arm fiercely.
Noun, half dead with shock and despair, stared intently at Raymon as if to demand an explanation for this unbelievable mystery. Then, with a wild gleam in her eyes and barely able to stand, she pulled herself over to Indiana and grabbed her arm fiercely.
"What was that you said?" she cried, her teeth clenched with rage; "this man loved you?"
"What did you just say?" she shouted, her teeth gritted in anger; "this guy loved you?"
"Eh! you must have known that he did!" said Madame Delmare, pushing her away contemptuously and with all her strength; "you must have known what reasons a man has for hiding behind a woman's curtains. Ah! Noun," she added, noticing the girl's evident despair, "it was a dastardly thing, and one of which I would never have believed you to be capable; you consented to sell her honor who had such perfect faith in yours!"
"Hey! You had to know he did!" said Madame Delmare, pushing her away with contempt and all her strength. "You must have understood why a man hides behind a woman's curtains. Ah! Noun," she added, noticing the girl's clear despair, "it was a cowardly thing, and I never would have believed you capable of it; you agreed to sell the honor of someone who had such complete faith in yours!"
Madame Delmare was shedding tears, tears of indignation as well as of grief. Raymon had never seen her so lovely; but he hardly dared look at her, for her haughty air, the air of an insulted woman, forced him to lower his eyes. He was terror-stricken, too, petrified by Noun's presence. If he had been alone with Madame Delmare, he might perhaps have been able to soften her. But Noun's expression was terrifying; her features were distorted by rage and hatred.
Madame Delmare was in tears, filled with both anger and sadness. Raymon had never found her more beautiful; however, he barely dared to gaze at her because her proud demeanor, like that of a woman who had been insulted, made him look away. He was also terrified, frozen by Noun's presence. If he had been alone with Madame Delmare, he might have been able to comfort her. But Noun's expression was frightening; her face twisted by fury and hatred.
A knock at the door startled them all three. Noun rushed forward once more to keep out intruders; but Madame Delmare, pushing her aside imperatively, motioned to Raymon to withdraw to the corner of the room. Then, with the self-possession which made her so remarkable at critical moments, she wrapped herself in a shawl, partly opened the door herself, and asked the servant who had knocked what he had to say to her.
A knock at the door startled all three of them. Noun rushed forward again to keep out intruders, but Madame Delmare, pushing her aside firmly, signaled to Raymon to move to the corner of the room. Then, with the calmness that made her stand out in critical situations, she wrapped herself in a shawl, partially opened the door herself, and asked the servant who had knocked what he wanted to tell her.
"Monsieur Rodolphe Brown is here," was the reply; "he wishes to know if madame will receive him."
"Monsieur Rodolphe Brown is here," came the reply; "he wants to know if madame will see him."
"Say to Monsieur Rodolphe Brown that I am delighted that he has come and that I will join him at once. Make a fire in the salon and bid them prepare some supper. One moment! Go and get the key to the small park."
"Tell Monsieur Rodolphe Brown that I'm happy he's here and that I'll join him right away. Start a fire in the living room and ask them to get some dinner ready. Hold on! Go grab the key to the small park."
The servant retired. Madame Delmare remained at the door, holding it open, not deigning to listen to Noun and imperiously enjoining silence on Raymon.
The servant left. Madame Delmare stayed at the door, keeping it open, not bothering to listen to Noun and commanding Raymon to be quiet.
The servant returned in a few moments. Madame Delmare, still holding the door open between him and Monsieur de Ramière, took the key from him, bade him hurry up the supper, and, as soon as he had gone, turned to Raymon.
The servant came back a few moments later. Madame Delmare, still keeping the door open between him and Monsieur de Ramière, took the key from him, told him to hurry with the dinner, and, as soon as he left, turned to Raymon.
"The arrival of my cousin, Sir Rodolphe Brown," she said, "saves you from the public scandal which I intended to inflict on you; he is a man of honor, who would eagerly assume the duty of defending me; but as I should be very sorry to expose a man like him to danger at the hands of such a man as you, I will allow you to go without scandal. Noun, who admitted you, will find a way to let you out. Go!"
"The arrival of my cousin, Sir Rodolphe Brown," she said, "saves you from the public scandal I was planning to bring upon you; he’s a man of honor who would gladly take on the responsibility of defending me. However, since I wouldn’t want to put someone like him at risk because of someone like you, I’ll let you leave without causing a scandal. Noun, who let you in, will find a way to let you out. Go!"
"We shall meet again, madame," replied Raymon with an attempt at self-assurance; "and although I am culpable, you will perhaps regret the harshness with which you treat me now."
"We'll meet again, ma'am," Raymon said, trying to sound confident; "and even though I've done wrong, you might end up regretting how harshly you're treating me right now."
"I trust, monsieur, that we shall never meet again," she rejoined.
"I hope, sir, that we will never see each other again," she replied.
And still standing at the door, not deigning to bow, she watched him depart with his miserable and trembling accomplice.
And still standing at the door, not bothering to bow, she watched him leave with his pathetic and shaking accomplice.
When he was alone with Noun in the obscurity of the park, Raymon expected reproaches from her; but she did not speak to him. She led him to the gate of the small park, and, when he tried to take her hand, she had already vanished. He called her in a low voice, for he was anxious to learn his fate; but she did not reply, and the gardener, suddenly appearing, said to him:
When he was alone with Noun in the dimness of the park, Raymon expected her to scold him; but she didn’t say anything. She guided him to the gate of the small park, and when he reached for her hand, she had already disappeared. He called for her quietly, anxious to know what would happen next; but she didn’t respond, and the gardener, who suddenly showed up, said to him:
"Come, monsieur, you must be off; madame is here and you may be discovered."
"Come on, sir, you need to leave; ma'am is here and you might get caught."
Raymon took his departure with death in his heart; but in his despair at having offended Madame Delmare he almost forgot Noun and thought of nothing but possible methods of appeasing her mistress; for it was a part of his nature to be irritated by obstacles and never to cling passionately except to things that were well-nigh desperate.
Raymon left with a heavy heart, but in his despair over offending Madame Delmare, he almost forgot about Noun and focused solely on ways to win her mistress's forgiveness; it was in his nature to get annoyed by obstacles and to only become passionately attached to things that were almost hopeless.
At night, when Madame Delmare, after supping silently with Sir Ralph, withdrew to her own apartments, Noun did not come, as usual, to undress her; she rang for her to no purpose, and when she had concluded that the girl was resolved not to obey, she locked her door and went to bed. But she passed a horrible night, and, as soon as the day broke, went down into the park. She was feverish and agitated; she longed to feel the cold enter her body and allay the fire that consumed her breast. The day before, at that hour, she was happy, abandoning herself to the novel sensations of that intoxicating love. What a ghastly disillusionment in twenty-four hours! First of all, the news of her husband's return several days earlier than she expected; those four or five days which she had hoped to pass in Paris were to her a whole lifetime of never-ending bliss, a dream of love never to be interrupted by an awakening; but in the morning she had had to abandon the hope, to resume the yoke, and to go to meet her master in order that he might not meet Raymon at Madame de Carvajal's; for Indiana thought that it would be impossible for her to deceive her husband if he should see her in Raymon's presence. And then this Raymon, whom she loved as a god—it was by him of all men that she was thus basely insulted! And lastly, her life-long companion, the young creole whom she loved so dearly, suddenly proved to be unworthy of her confidence and her esteem!
At night, after having a quiet dinner with Sir Ralph, Madame Delmare went back to her own rooms, but Noun didn’t come to undress her as usual. She called for her, but got no response. Once she realized that the girl wasn’t going to show up, she locked her door and went to bed. However, she had a terrible night, and as soon as dawn broke, she went out into the park. She felt restless and anxious, longing for the cold air to seep into her and cool the burning distress in her heart. Just the day before, at that same time, she was happy, lost in the intoxicating feelings of love. What a horrifying reality check in just twenty-four hours! First, the news of her husband's arrival several days earlier than she had expected; those four or five days that she had hoped to spend in Paris felt like an eternity of endless happiness, a love dream that she thought would never be interrupted. But in the morning, she had to let go of that hope, take on her duties again, and go meet her husband to avoid him encountering Raymon at Madame de Carvajal's. Indiana believed it would be impossible to hide the truth from her husband if he saw her with Raymon. And then there was Raymon, the man she adored like a god—it was from him, of all people, that she had to endure such a cruel insult! And finally, her lifelong companion, the young Creole whom she loved so much, suddenly turned out to be unworthy of her trust and respect!
Madame Delmare had wept all night long. She sank upon the turf, still whitened by the morning rime, on the bank of the little stream that flowed through the park. It was late in March and nature was beginning to awake; the morning, although cold, was not devoid of beauty; patches of mist still rested on the water like a floating scarf, and the birds were trying their first songs of love and springtime.
Madame Delmare had cried all night. She collapsed onto the grass, still frosted by the morning chill, at the edge of the small stream that ran through the park. It was late March, and nature was starting to come back to life; the morning, although cold, was still beautiful; patches of mist lingered on the water like a floating scarf, and the birds were beginning their first songs of love and spring.
Indiana felt as if relieved of a heavy weight, and a wave of religious feeling overflowed her soul.
Indiana felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and a wave of spiritual emotion washed over her.
"God willed it so," she said to herself; "in His providence he has given me a harsh lesson, but it is fortunate for me. That man would perhaps have led me into vice, he would have ruined me; whereas now the vileness of his sentiments is revealed to me, and I shall be on my guard against the tempestuous and detestable passion that fermented in his breast. I will love my husband! I will try to love him! At all events I will be submissive to him, I will make him happy by never annoying him, I will avoid whatever can possibly arouse his jealousy; for now I know what to think of the false eloquence that men know how to lavish on us. I shall be fortunate, perhaps, if God will take pity on my sorrows and send death to me soon."
"God planned it this way," she said to herself; "in His wisdom, He has taught me a tough lesson, but it’s actually for my benefit. That man might have led me into a bad path, he could have destroyed me; but now I see the ugliness of his feelings, and I will be cautious of the stormy and disgusting passion that brewed inside him. I will love my husband! I will try to love him! At the very least, I will be obedient to him, I will make him happy by never upsetting him, and I will steer clear of anything that might spark his jealousy; because now I understand what to think of the empty charm that men know how to shower upon us. I might be lucky if God takes pity on my pain and brings me death soon."
The clatter of the mill-wheel that started the machinery in Monsieur Delmare's factory made itself heard behind the willows on the other bank. The river, rushing through the newly opened gates, began to boil and bubble on the surface; and, as Madame Delmare followed with a melancholy eye the swift rush of the stream, she saw floating among the reeds something like a bundle of cloth which the current strove to hurry along in its train. She rose, leaned over the bank and distinctly saw a woman's clothes,—clothes that she knew too well. Terror nailed her to the spot; but the stream flowed on, slowly drawing a body from the reeds among which it had caught, and bringing it toward Madame Delmare.
The sound of the mill-wheel that started the machines in Monsieur Delmare's factory could be heard from behind the willows on the other side of the river. The water, rushing through the newly opened gates, began to boil and bubble at the surface. As Madame Delmare watched the swift current with a heavy heart, she noticed something floating among the reeds that looked like a bundle of cloth, which the water was trying to pull along. She stood up, leaned over the bank, and clearly saw a woman’s clothes—clothes that were all too familiar to her. Fear froze her in place, but the stream kept flowing, slowly bringing a body from the reeds where it had gotten caught toward Madame Delmare.
A piercing shriek attracted the workmen from the factory to the spot; Madame Delmare had fainted on the bank, and Noun's body was floating in the water at her feet.
A sharp scream drew the workers from the factory to the scene; Madame Delmare had passed out on the bank, and Noun's body was floating in the water at her feet.
PART SECOND
IX
Two months have passed. Nothing is changed at Lagny, in that house to which I introduced you one winter evening, except that all about its red brick walls with their frame of gray stone and its slated roofs yellowed by venerable moss, the springtime is in its bloom. The family is scattered here and there, enjoying the mild and fragrant evening air; the setting sun gilds the window-panes and the roar of the factory mingles with the various noises of the farm. Monsieur Delmare is seated on the steps, gun in hand, practising at shooting swallows on the wing. Indiana, at her embroidery frame near the window of the salon, leans forward now and then to watch with a sad face the colonel's cruel amusement in the courtyard. Ophelia leaps about and barks, indignant at a style of hunting so contrary to her habits; and Sir Ralph, astride the stone railing, is smoking a cigar and, as usual, looking on impassively at other people's pleasure or vexation.
Two months have gone by. Nothing has changed at Lagny, in that house I showed you one winter evening, except that around its red brick walls framed in gray stone and its slate roofs tinged with old moss, spring is in full bloom. The family is scattered, enjoying the mild and fragrant evening air; the setting sun bathes the window panes in gold, and the factory's noise mixes with the various sounds from the farm. Monsieur Delmare is sitting on the steps, gun in hand, practicing shooting swallows in flight. Indiana, at her embroidery frame by the salon window, leans forward now and then to watch with a sad expression the colonel's cruel pastime in the courtyard. Ophelia leaps around and barks, upset by a style of hunting so different from her nature; and Sir Ralph, perched on the stone railing, is smoking a cigar and, as usual, watching others’ enjoyment or frustration without a care.
"Indiana," cried the colonel, laying aside his gun, "do for heaven's sake put your work away; you tire yourself out as if you were paid so much an hour."
"Indiana," shouted the colonel, putting down his gun, "for heaven's sake, put your work away; you're exhausting yourself as if you were getting paid by the hour."
"It is still broad daylight," Madame Delmare replied.
"It’s still bright out," Madame Delmare replied.
"No matter; come to the window, I have something to tell you."
"No worries; come to the window, I have something to share with you."
Indiana obeyed, and the colonel, drawing near the window, which was almost on a level with the ground, said to her with as near an approach to playfulness of manner as an old and jealous husband can manage:
Indiana obeyed, and the colonel, moving closer to the window, which was almost at ground level, said to her with as much playfulness as an old and jealous husband can muster:
"As you have worked hard to-day and as you are very good, I am going to tell you something that will please you."
"As you've worked hard today and you are really good, I'm going to tell you something that will make you happy."
Madame Delmare struggled hard to smile; her smile would have driven a more sensitive man than the colonel to despair.
Madame Delmare worked really hard to smile; her smile would have made a more sensitive man than the colonel feel hopeless.
"You will be pleased to know," he continued, "that I have invited one of your humble adorers to breakfast with you to-morrow, to divert you. You will ask me which one; for you have a very pretty collection of them, you flirt!"
"You'll be happy to hear," he went on, "that I’ve invited one of your eager admirers to breakfast with you tomorrow, to entertain you. You might ask me which one; after all, you have quite the charming collection of them, you flirter!"
"Perhaps it's our dear old curé?" said Madame Delmare, whose melancholy was enhanced by her husband's gayety.
"Maybe it's our beloved old priest?" said Madame Delmare, whose sadness was made worse by her husband's cheerfulness.
"Oh! no, indeed!"
"Oh no, definitely!"
"Then it must be the mayor of Chailly or the old notary from Fontainebleau."
"Then it must be the mayor of Chailly or the old notary from Fontainebleau."
"Oh! the craft of women! You know very well that it would be none of those people. Come, Ralph, tell madame the name she has on the tip of her tongue but doesn't choose to pronounce herself."
"Oh! the skill of women! You know very well it wouldn't be any of those people. Come on, Ralph, tell her the name she's thinking of but doesn't want to say out loud."
"You need not go through so much preparation to announce a visit from Monsieur de Ramière," said Sir Ralph, tranquilly, as he threw away his cigar; "I suppose that it's a matter of perfect indifference to her."
"You don't need to go through all that hassle to announce a visit from Monsieur de Ramière," Sir Ralph said calmly as he tossed aside his cigar; "I assume it doesn't matter to her at all."
Madame Delmare felt the blood rush to her cheeks; she made a pretence of looking for something in the salon, then returned to the window with as calm a manner as she could command.
Madame Delmare felt her face flush; she pretended to search for something in the living room, then went back to the window with as calm a demeanor as she could manage.
"I fancy that this is a jest," she said, trembling in every limb.
"I think this is a joke," she said, shaking all over.
"On the contrary I am perfectly serious; you will see him here at eleven o'clock to-morrow."
"Actually, I'm completely serious; you’ll see him here at eleven o'clock tomorrow."
"What! the man who stole into your premises to obtain unfair possession of your invention, and whom you almost killed as a criminal! You must both be very pacific to forget such grievances!"
"What! The guy who sneaked onto your property to take unfair advantage of your invention, and whom you nearly killed as a criminal! You both must be very peaceful to let go of such grievances!"
"You set me the example, dearest, by receiving him very graciously at your aunt's, where he called on you."
"You showed me the way, my dear, by welcoming him warmly at your aunt's when he came to see you."
Indiana turned pale.
Indiana went pale.
"I do not by any means appropriate that call," she said earnestly, "and I am so little flattered by it that, if I were in your place, I would not receive him."
"I definitely don’t take that title for myself," she said earnestly, "and I'm not flattered by it at all. If I were you, I wouldn’t welcome him."
"You women are all false and cunning just for the pleasure of being so. You danced with him during one whole ball, I was told."
"You women are all fake and manipulative just for the fun of it. I heard you danced with him for an entire ball."
"You were misinformed."
"You were given the wrong info."
"Why, it was your aunt herself who told me! However, you need not defend yourself so warmly; I have no fault to find, as your aunt desired and assisted to bring about this reconciliation between us. Monsieur de Ramière has been seeking it for a long while. He has rendered me some very valuable services with respect to my business, and he has done it without ostentation and almost without my knowledge; so, as I am not so savage as you say, and also as I do not choose to be under obligations to a stranger, I determined to make myself square with him."
"Well, it was your aunt who told me! But you don't need to defend yourself so passionately; I have no complaints, since your aunt wanted and helped facilitate this reconciliation between us. Monsieur de Ramière has been trying to make it happen for a long time. He has provided me with some really valuable assistance regarding my business, and he did it quietly and almost without me realizing it; so, since I'm not as harsh as you claim, and I also don't want to feel indebted to a stranger, I decided to settle things with him."
"How so?"
"Why is that?"
"By making a friend of him; by going to Cercy this morning with Sir Ralph. We found his mother there, who seems a delightful woman; and the house is furnished with refinement and comfort, but without ostentation and without a trace of the pride that attaches to venerable names. After all, this Ramière's a good fellow, and I have invited him to come and breakfast with us and inspect the factory. I hear favorable accounts of his brother, and I have made sure that he cannot injure me by adopting the same methods that I use; so I prefer that that family should profit by them rather than any other. You see no secrets are kept very long, and mine will soon be like a stage secret if progress in manufacturing continues at the present rate."
"By making him a friend; by going to Cercy this morning with Sir Ralph. We found his mother there, who seems like a lovely woman; and the house is decorated with taste and comfort, but without showiness and without any hint of the pride associated with old family names. After all, this Ramière is a good guy, and I invited him to come have breakfast with us and check out the factory. I hear good things about his brother, and I made sure he couldn’t harm me by using the same methods I do; so I would rather that family benefit from them than anyone else. You see, no secrets are kept very long, and mine will soon be like an open secret if advancements in manufacturing keep up at this rate."
"For my part," said Sir Ralph, "I have always disapproved of this secrecy, as you know; a good citizen's discovery belongs to his country as much as to himself, and if I——"
"For my part," said Sir Ralph, "I've always been against this secrecy, as you know; a good citizen's discovery belongs to his country just as much as it belongs to him, and if I——"
"Parbleu! that is just like you, Sir Ralph, with your practical philanthropy! You will make me think that your fortune doesn't belong to you, and that, if the nation takes a fancy to it to-morrow, you are ready to exchange your fifty thousand francs a year for a wallet and staff! It looks well for a buck like you, who are as fond of the comforts of life as a sultan, to preach contempt of wealth!"
"Good grief! That’s just like you, Sir Ralph, with your hands-on charity! You’re making me feel like your wealth isn’t really yours and that if the country decided it wanted it tomorrow, you’d happily trade your fifty thousand francs a year for a bag and a staff! It’s quite the act for a guy like you, who enjoys life’s comforts as much as a sultan, to preach about looking down on money!"
"What I say," rejoined Sir Ralph, "is not meant to be philanthropic at all; my point is that selfishness properly understood leads us to do good to others to prevent them injuring us. I am selfish myself, as everybody knows. I have accustomed myself not to blush for it, and, after analyzing all the virtues, I find personal interest at the foundation of them all. Love and devotion, which are two apparently generous passions, are perhaps the most selfish passions that exist; nor is patriotism less so, my word for it. I care little for men; but not for anything in the world would I undertake to prove it to them, my fear of them is inversely proportional to my esteem for them. We are both selfish therefore but I admit it, whereas you deny it."
"What I mean," replied Sir Ralph, "is not intended to be altruistic at all; my point is that understood selfishness leads us to do good for others to avoid them harming us. I’m selfish myself, as everyone knows. I’ve trained myself not to be ashamed of it, and after breaking down all the virtues, I find personal gain at the core of them all. Love and devotion, which seem like generous feelings, might actually be the most selfish emotions out there; and patriotism isn’t any different, I assure you. I don’t care much for people; but for anything in the world, I wouldn’t try to prove that to them, my fear of them is directly related to how much I respect them. So we’re both selfish, but I own up to it, while you refuse to admit it."
A discussion arose between them wherein each sought by all the arguments of selfishness to demonstrate the selfishness of the others. Madame Delmare took advantage of it to retire to her room and to abandon herself to all the reflections to which news so entirely unexpected naturally gave birth.
A conversation broke out between them where each tried to prove the other’s selfishness with all their arguments. Madame Delmare took the opportunity to go to her room and let herself dive into all the thoughts that such unexpected news naturally stirred up.
It will be well not only to admit you to the secret of her thoughts, but also to enlighten you as to the situation of the various persons whom Noun's death had affected in greater or less degree.
It’s important not only to share with you what she was thinking but also to clarify the situation of the different people who were impacted by Noun's death, whether a little or a lot.
It is almost proven, so far as the reader and I myself are concerned, that that unfortunate creature threw herself into the stream through despair, in one of those moments of frenzy when extreme resolutions are most easily formed. But, as she evidently did not return to the house after leaving Raymon—as no one had met her and had an opportunity to divine her purpose—there was no indication of suicide to throw light upon the mystery of her death.
It’s nearly certain, at least for the reader and me, that that tragic person jumped into the river out of despair, during one of those frenzied moments when drastic decisions are made most easily. However, since she clearly didn’t go back to the house after leaving Raymon—no one saw her and had a chance to guess her intentions—there were no signs of suicide to give any clues about the mystery of her death.
Two persons were in a position to attribute it with moral certainty to her own act—Monsieur de Ramière and the gardener of Lagny. The grief of the former was concealed beneath a pretence of illness; the terror and remorse of the other enjoined silence upon him. This man who, from cupidity, had connived at the intercourse of the lovers throughout the winter, was the only person who had been in a position to remark the young creole's secret misery. Justly fearing the reproaches of his employers and the criticisms of his equals, he held his peace in his own interest; and when Monsieur Delmare, who had some suspicions after the discovery of this intrigue, questioned him as to the lengths to which it had been carried during his absence, he boldly denied that it had continued at all. Some people in the neighborhood—a very lonely neighborhood, by the way—had noticed Noun walking toward Crecy at unreasonable hours; but apparently there had been no relations between her and Monsieur de Ramière since the end of January, and her death occurred on the 28th of March. So far as appeared, her death was attributable to chance; as she was walking through the park at nightfall, she might have been deceived by the dense fog that had prevailed for several days, have lost her way and missed the English bridge over the stream, which was quite narrow but had very steep banks and was swollen by recent rains.
Two people were in a position to definitely link it to her actions—Monsieur de Ramière and the gardener from Lagny. The former hid his grief behind a facade of sickness, while the terror and guilt of the latter kept him quiet. This man, who had greedily allowed the lovers to meet throughout the winter, was the only one who had noticed the young Creole's hidden suffering. Fearing the blame from his employers and the judgment from his peers, he stayed silent for his own sake. When Monsieur Delmare, suspicious after uncovering the affair, asked him how far it had gone during his absence, he confidently claimed it hadn't continued at all. Some people in the area—a rather isolated one, by the way—had seen Noun walking toward Crécy at odd hours; however, it seemed there had been no contact between her and Monsieur de Ramière since the end of January, and her death happened on March 28th. As far as anyone could tell, her death was just a tragic accident; while walking through the park at dusk, she might have been misled by the thick fog that had lingered for several days, lost her way, and missed the English bridge over the stream, which was narrow with steep banks and swelled from recent rains.
Although Sir Ralph, who was more observant than his reflections indicated, had found in his private thoughts grounds for strong suspicion of Monsieur de Ramière, he communicated them to no one, regarding as useless and cruel any reproachful words addressed to a man who was so unfortunate as to have such a source of remorse in his life. He even succeeded in convincing the colonel, who expressed in his presence some suspicions in that regard, that it was most urgent, in Madame Delmare's delicate condition, to continue to conceal from her the possible causes of her old playmate's suicide. So it was with the poor girl's death as with her love affair. There was a tacit agreement never to mention it before Indiana, and ere long it ceased to be talked about at all.
Although Sir Ralph, who was more observant than he let on, had found strong reasons in his private thoughts to be suspicious of Monsieur de Ramière, he shared these thoughts with no one. He believed it was useless and cruel to say anything reproachful to a man burdened by such deep remorse. He even managed to convince the colonel, who hinted at his own suspicions in Sir Ralph's presence, that it was crucial, given Madame Delmare's fragile state, to keep from her the possible reasons behind her old friend's suicide. Just like with the poor girl’s death, there was an unspoken agreement to never mention it in front of Indiana, and soon enough, it stopped being talked about altogether.
But these precautions were of no avail, for Madame Delmare had her own reasons for suspecting a part of the truth; the bitter reproaches she had heaped on the unhappy girl on that fatal evening seemed to her a sufficient explanation of her sudden resolution. So it was that, at the ghastly moment when she discovered the dead body floating in the water, Indiana's repose, already so disturbed, and her heart, already so sad, had received the final blow; her lingering disease was progressing actively; and this woman, young and perhaps strong, refusing to be cured, concealing her sufferings from her husband's undiscerning and far from delicate affection, sank voluntarily beneath the burden of sorrow and discouragement.
But these precautions didn’t help at all, because Madame Delmare had her own reasons to suspect part of the truth; the harsh accusations she had thrown at the unhappy girl that fateful evening felt like a good enough explanation for her sudden decision. So, when she horrifyingly found the dead body floating in the water, Indiana’s already troubled peace and her already heavy heart received the final blow; her ongoing illness was getting worse; and this woman, young and possibly strong, refusing to heal, hiding her pain from her husband's oblivious and far from sensitive affection, willingly sank under the weight of grief and despair.
"Woe is me!" she cried as she entered her room, after learning of Raymon's impending visit. "A curse on that man, who has entered this house only to bring despair and death! O God! why dost Thou permit him to come between Thee and me, to take command of my destiny at his pleasure, so that he has only to put out his hand and say: 'She is mine! I will derange her reason, I will bring desolation into her life; and if she resists me I will spread mourning around her, I will encompass her with remorse, regrets and alarms!' O God! it is not fair that a poor woman should be so persecuted!"
"Oh, woe is me!" she exclaimed as she walked into her room after finding out about Raymon's upcoming visit. "A plague on that man, who has come into this house only to bring misery and death! Oh God! why do you allow him to come between You and me, to take control of my fate whenever he pleases, so that all he has to do is reach out his hand and say: 'She is mine! I will drive her mad, I will bring destruction into her life; and if she fights back, I will surround her with grief, I will overwhelm her with guilt, regrets, and fears!' Oh God! it’s not fair that a poor woman should suffer like this!"
She wept bitterly; for the thought of Raymon revived the memory of Noun, more vivid and heartrending than ever.
She cried hard because thinking about Raymon brought back memories of Noun, more intense and heartbreaking than before.
"Poor Noun! my poor playmate! my countrywoman, my only friend!" she exclaimed sorrowfully; "that man is your murderer. Unhappy child! his influence was fatal to you as to me! You loved me so dearly, you were the only one who could divine my sorrows and mitigate them by your artless gayety! Woe to me who have lost you! Was it for this that I brought you from so far away! By what wiles did that man surprise your good faith and induce you to do such a despicable thing? Ah! he must have deceived you shamefully, and you did not realize your error until you saw my indignation! I was too harsh, Noun, I was so harsh that I was downright cruel; I drove you to despair, I killed you! Poor girl! why did you not wait a few hours until the wind had blown away my resentment like a wisp of straw! Why did you not come and weep on my bosom and say: 'I was deceived; I acted without knowing what I was doing, but you know well enough that I respect you and love you!'—I would have taken you in my arms, we would have wept together, and you would not be dead. Dead! dead so young and so lovely and so full of life! Dead at nineteen and such a ghastly death!"
"Poor Noun! My poor playmate! My fellow countrywoman, my only friend!" she cried sadly. "That man is your murderer. Unfortunate child! His influence was as deadly to you as it was to me! You loved me so much; you were the only one who could understand my sorrows and lighten them with your innocent joy! Woe to me for losing you! Was this why I brought you from so far away? How did that man trick you into betraying your trust and doing something so despicable? Ah! He must have deceived you terribly, and you didn’t realize your mistake until you saw my anger! I was too harsh, Noun; I was so harsh that I was actually cruel; I drove you to despair, I caused your death! Poor girl! Why didn’t you wait a few hours until the wind had blown away my resentment like a bit of straw? Why didn’t you come and cry on my shoulder and say: 'I was misled; I acted without understanding what I was doing, but you know I respect and love you!'—I would have held you in my arms, we would have cried together, and you wouldn’t be dead. Dead! Dead so young, so beautiful, and so full of life! Dead at nineteen and such a horrible death!"
While thus weeping for her companion, Indiana, unknown to herself, wept also for her three days of illusion, the loveliest days of her life, the only days when she had really lived; for during those three days she had loved with a passion which Raymon, had he been the most presumptuous of men, could never have imagined. But the blinder and more violent that love had been, the more keenly had she felt the insult she had received; the first love of a heart like hers contains so much modesty and sensitive delicacy!
While crying for her friend, Indiana, without realizing it, also mourned her three days of fantasy, the most beautiful days of her life, the only days when she truly felt alive; because during those three days, she loved with a passion that Raymon, even if he were the most arrogant of men, could never have fathomed. But the more blind and intense that love was, the more deeply she felt the hurt of the insult she endured; the first love of a heart like hers carries so much modesty and sensitive delicacy!
And yet Indiana had yielded to a burst of shame and anger rather than to a well-matured determination. I have no doubt that Raymon would have obtained his pardon had he been allowed a few more minutes in which to plead for it. But fate had defeated his love and his address, and Madame Delmare honestly believed now that she hated him.
And yet Indiana gave in to a rush of shame and anger instead of a carefully thought-out decision. I'm sure that Raymon would have gotten his pardon if he had just a few more minutes to argue for it. But fate had sabotaged his love and his speech, and Madame Delmare truly believed that she hated him now.
X
For his part, it was neither in a spirit of bravado nor because of the injury to his self-esteem that he aspired more ardently than ever to Madame Delmare's love and forgiveness. He believed that they were unattainable, and no other woman's love, no other earthly joy seemed to him their equivalent. Such was his nature. An insatiable craving for action and excitement consumed his life. He loved society with its laws and its fetters, because it offered him material for combat and resistance; and if he had a horror of license and debauchery, it was because they promised insipid and easily obtained pleasure.
For his part, he didn't seek Madame Delmare's love and forgiveness out of bravado or because of any damage to his self-esteem. He wanted it more than ever because he felt it was out of reach, and no other woman's love or any other kind of happiness came close to that. That was just who he was. He had an insatiable desire for action and excitement that drove his life. He loved society with its rules and restrictions because it gave him something to fight against; and while he had an aversion to chaos and excess, it was because they promised bland and easily attainable pleasure.
Do not believe, however, that he was insensible to Noun's ruin. In the first impulse, he conceived a horror of himself and loaded his pistols with a very real purpose of blowing out his brains; but a praiseworthy feeling stayed his hand. What would become of his mother, his aged, feeble mother, the poor woman whose life had been so agitated and so sorrowful, who lived only for him, her only treasure, her only hope? Must he break her heart, shorten the few years that still remained to her? No, surely not. The best way to redeem his wrongdoing was to devote himself thenceforth solely to his mother, and it was with that purpose in mind that he returned to her at Paris, and put forth all his energies to make her forget his desertion of her during a large part of the winter.
Do not think, however, that he was indifferent to Noun's destruction. In the first moment, he felt a deep horror about himself and considered using his gun to take his own life; but a sense of responsibility stopped him. What would happen to his mother, his elderly, fragile mother, the poor woman whose life had been so troubled and filled with sorrow, who lived solely for him, her only treasure, her only hope? Would he break her heart and cut down the few years she had left? No, definitely not. The best way to atone for his mistakes was to dedicate himself entirely to his mother, and it was with that goal in mind that he went back to her in Paris, putting all his efforts into helping her forget that he had abandoned her for much of the winter.
Raymon exerted an incredible influence over everybody about him; for, take him for all in all, with his faults and his youthful escapades, he was above the average of society men. We have not as yet told you upon what his reputation for wit and talent was based, because it was aside from the events we had to describe; but it is time to inform you that this Raymon, whose weaknesses you have followed and whose frivolity you have censured, is one of the men who have had the most control and influence over your thoughts, whatever your opinions to-day may be. You have devoured his political pamphlets, and, while reading the newspapers of the period, you have often been captivated by the irresistible charm of his style and the grace of his courteous and worldly logic.
Raymon had an incredible impact on everyone around him; when you consider him as a whole, despite his flaws and youthful antics, he was above average compared to other social men. We haven't yet explained what his reputation for wit and talent was based on because it was outside the events we needed to describe; but now it’s time to tell you that this Raymon, whose weaknesses you've observed and whose frivolity you've criticized, is one of the people who have influenced your thoughts the most, no matter what your opinions may be today. You've eagerly read his political pamphlets, and while reading the newspapers of the time, you've often been drawn in by the undeniable charm of his writing style and the elegance of his polite and sophisticated reasoning.
I am speaking of a time already far away, in these days when time is no longer reckoned by centuries, nor even by reigns, but by ministries. I am speaking of the Martignac year, of that epoch of repose and doubt, interjected in the middle of a political era, not like a treaty of peace, but like an armistice; of those fifteen months of the reign of doctrines, which had such a strange influence on principles and on morals, and which may perhaps have paved the way for the extraordinary result of our latest revolution.
I’m referring to a time that's now distant, when we no longer measure time by centuries or even by reigns, but by governments. I’m talking about the Martignac year, a period of both calm and uncertainty, interrupting a political era, not like a peace treaty, but more like a ceasefire; those fifteen months of the reign of ideas that had such a peculiar impact on principles and morals, and which might have set the stage for the remarkable outcome of our recent revolution.
It was in those days that men saw the blooming of certain youthful talents, unfortunate in that they were born in a period of transition and of compromise; for they paid their tribute to the conciliatory and wavering tendencies of the time. Never, so far as I know, was knowledge of mere words and ignorance, or pretended ignorance, of things carried so far. It was the reign of restrictions, and it is beyond my power to say who made the fullest use of them, short-gowned Jesuits or long-gowned lawyers. Political moderation had become a part of the national character, like courteous manners, and it was the same with the first variety of courtesy as with the second: it served as a mask for secret antipathies, and taught them how to fight without scandal and publicity. We must say, however, in defence of the young men of that period, that they were often towed like light skiffs in the wake of great ships, with no very clear idea of where they were being taken, proud and happy to be cleaving the waves and swelling out their new sails.
It was during those days that people noticed the rise of certain young talents, unfortunately born in a time of change and compromise; they reflected the indecisive and fluctuating nature of the era. As far as I know, knowledge of mere words and a lack of understanding, or feigned ignorance, of real matters had never been so prevalent. It was a time of restrictions, and I can’t say who made the most of them—short-gowned Jesuits or long-gowned lawyers. Political moderation had become part of the national identity, much like polite manners, and it was similar with both types of courtesy: they served as a cover for hidden resentments and taught people how to argue without causing a scene or drawing attention. However, we must say in defense of the young men of that time that they were often pulled along like small boats following large ships, with no clear idea of where they were headed, yet proud and happy to be cutting through the waves with their new sails.
Placed by his birth and his wealth among the partisans of absolute royalty, Raymon made a sacrifice to the youthful ideas of his time by clinging religiously to the Charter; at all events that was what he thought that he was doing and what he exerted himself to prove. But conventions that have fallen into desuetude are subject to interpretation, and the Charter of Louis XVIII was already in the same plight as the Gospel of Jesus Christ; it was simply a text upon which everybody practised his powers of eloquence, and a speech thereon created a precedent no more than a sermon. A period of luxurious living and indolence, when civilization lay sleeping on the brink of a bottomless abyss, eager to enjoy its last pleasures.
Born into wealth and supporting absolute monarchy, Raymon tried to align himself with the progressive ideas of his time by holding firmly to the Charter; at least, that's what he believed he was doing and worked hard to show. However, outdated conventions can be interpreted in various ways, and the Charter of Louis XVIII was already in disrepair, much like the Gospel of Jesus Christ; it had become just a text that everyone used to showcase their oratory skills, and a speech about it set a precedent no more than a sermon did. It was a time of excess and laziness, where civilization teetered on the edge of a dark void, eager to indulge in its final pleasures.
Raymon had taken his stand upon the line between abuse of power and abuse of licence, a shifting ground upon which good men still sought, but in vain, a shelter from the tempest that was brewing. To him, as to many other experienced minds, the rôle of conscientious statesman still seemed possible. A manifest error at a time when people pretended to defer to the voice of reason only to stifle it the more surely on every side. Being without political passions, Raymon fancied that he was without interests to promote; but he was mistaken, for society, constituted as it then was, was agreeable and advantageous to him; it could not be disturbed without a diminution in the sum total of his well-being, and that perfect contentment with one's social position, which communicates itself to the thought, is a wonderful promoter of moderation. Who is so ungrateful to Providence as to reproach it for the misfortunes of other people, if it has only smiles and benefactions for him? How was it possible to persuade those young supporters of the constitutional monarchy that the constitution was already antiquated, that it weighed heavily on the social body and fatigued it, while they found its burdens light and reaped only its advantages?
Raymon had positioned himself on the line between abusing power and misusing freedom, a tricky place where good people still searched, but in vain, for protection from the storm that was coming. To him, like many other seasoned thinkers, the role of a principled politician still seemed attainable. It was a clear mistake at a time when people claimed to listen to reason only to drown it out even more on all sides. Lacking political passion, Raymon thought he had no interests to serve; but he was wrong, because the society he lived in was beneficial and favorable to him; it couldn’t be disrupted without reducing his overall well-being, and that deep satisfaction with one's place in society, which shapes thought, is a significant driver of moderation. Who would be so ungrateful to fate as to blame it for the struggles of others if it has only smiles and kindness for him? How could he convince those young supporters of constitutional monarchy that the constitution was already outdated, that it was a burden on society and exhausting, when they found its constraints easy to bear and enjoyed only its benefits?
Nothing is so easy and so common as to deceive one's self when one does not lack wit and is familiar with all the niceties of the language. Language is a prostitute queen who descends and rises to all rôles, disguises herself, arrays herself in fine apparel, hides her head and effaces herself; an advocate who has an answer for everything, who has always foreseen everything, and who assumes a thousand forms in order to be right. The most honorable of men is he who thinks best and acts best, but the most powerful is he who is best able to talk and write.
Nothing is easier and more common than to deceive oneself when you're smart and know all the nuances of language. Language is like a queen of tricks who takes on any role, dresses up in fancy clothes, hides herself, and makes herself disappear; she’s like a lawyer who has an answer for everything, who always anticipates everything, and who takes on a thousand forms just to be right. The most honorable person is the one who thinks and acts the best, but the most powerful is the one who can communicate eloquently in speech and writing.
As his wealth relieved him from the necessity of writing for money, Raymon wrote from a liking for it, and—he said it with perfect good faith—from a sense of duty. The rare faculty that he possessed, of refuting positive truth by sheer talent, had made him an invaluable man to the ministry, whom he served much better by his impartial criticism than did its creatures by their blind devotion; and even more invaluable to that fashionable young society which was quite willing to abjure the absurdities of its former privileges, but wished at the same time to retain the benefit of its present advantageous position.
As his wealth freed him from the need to write for money, Raymon wrote because he enjoyed it, and—he genuinely believed this—from a sense of duty. The unique ability he had to counter absolute truths with sheer talent made him an invaluable asset to the ministry, which he served far better with his fair criticism than its followers did with their blind loyalty; and he was even more valuable to that trendy young society that was eager to abandon the ridiculousness of its past privileges, yet still wanted to keep the benefits of its current advantageous position.
They were in very truth men of great talent who still supported society, tottering on the brink of the precipice, and who, being themselves suspended between two reefs, struggled calmly and with perfect self-possession against the harsh reality that was on the point of engulfing them. To succeed in such wise as to create a conviction against every sort of probability and to keep that conviction alive for some time among men of no convictions, is the art which most impresses and surpasses the understanding of an uncultivated, vulgar mind which has studied none but commonplace truths.
They were truly talented individuals who still upheld a society teetering on the edge of disaster, and who, caught between two dangers, calmly and confidently fought against the harsh reality that was about to consume them. To manage to create a belief that defies all odds and to keep that belief alive for a while among those who lack conviction is an art that most amazes and goes beyond the understanding of an unrefined, ordinary mind that has only learned mundane truths.
Thus Raymon had no sooner returned to that society, which was his element and his home, than he felt its vital and exciting influences. The petty love affairs that had engrossed him vanished for a moment in the face of broader and more brilliant interests. He carried into these the same boldness of attack, the same ardor; and when he saw that he was more eagerly sought than ever by all the most distinguished people in Paris, he felt that he loved life more than ever. Was he to be blamed for forgetting a secret remorse while reaping the reward he had merited for services rendered his country? He felt life overflowing through every pore of his young heart, his active brain, his whole vigorous and buoyant being, he felt that destiny was making him happy in spite of himself; and he would crave forgiveness of an indignant ghost that came sometimes and bewailed her fate in his dreams, for having sought in the affection of the living a protection against the terrors of the grave.
Thus, as soon as Raymon returned to the society that felt like home to him, he felt its energizing and exciting influences. The trivial love affairs that had absorbed him faded for a moment in the face of wider and more vibrant interests. He approached these with the same boldness and enthusiasm; and when he saw that he was sought after more than ever by all the distinguished people in Paris, he realized he loved life more than ever. Was he to be blamed for forgetting a hidden guilt while enjoying the rewards he had earned for serving his country? He felt life pulsating through every part of his young heart, his active brain, his entire spirited and lively being, and he sensed that fate was making him happy despite himself; and he would seek forgiveness from an upset ghost that occasionally appeared in his dreams, lamenting her fate, for seeking the affection of the living as a shield against the fears of death.
But he had no sooner returned to life, as it were, than he felt, as in the past, the need of mingling thoughts of love and plans of intrigue with his political meditations, his dreams of ambition and philosophy. I say ambition, not meaning ambition for honor and wealth, for which he had no use, but for reputation and aristocratic popularity.
But as soon as he came back to life, he felt, just like before, the need to mix thoughts of love and schemes with his political reflections, his dreams of success and philosophy. I mention ambition, but I don’t mean ambition for honor and wealth, which he had no interest in, but for reputation and social status.
He had at first despaired of ever seeing Madame Delmare again after the tragic ending of his double intrigue. But, as he measured the extent of his loss, as he brooded over the thought of the treasure that had escaped him, he conceived the hope of grasping it once more, and, at the same time he regained determination and confidence. He calculated the obstacles he should encounter, and realized that the most difficult to overcome at the outset would come from Indiana herself; therefore he must use the husband to protect him from the attack. This was not a new idea, but it was sure; jealous husbands are particularly well adapted to this service.
He initially thought he would never see Madame Delmare again after the tragic end of his complicated situation. But as he reflected on his loss and the treasure he had missed out on, he started to hope he could get it back. At the same time, he felt renewed determination and confidence. He considered the obstacles he would face and recognized that the toughest challenge at the beginning would come from Indiana herself; so he would need to use her husband to shield him from her reactions. This wasn’t a new idea, but it was a solid one; jealous husbands are especially useful for this role.
A fortnight after he had conceived this idea, Raymon was on the way to Lagny, where he was expected to breakfast. You will not require me to describe to you in detail the shrewdly proffered services by which he had succeeded in making himself agreeable to Monsieur Delmare; I prefer, as I am describing the features of the characters in this tale, to draw a hasty sketch of the colonel for you.
A couple of weeks after he came up with this idea, Raymon was on his way to Lagny, where he was expected for breakfast. You don't need me to go into detail about the clever ways he managed to win over Monsieur Delmare; instead, as I describe the characters in this story, I’d rather give you a quick overview of the colonel.
Do you know what they call an honest man in the provinces? He is a man who does not encroach on his neighbor's field; who does not demand from his debtors a sou more than they owe him; who raises his hat to every person who bows to him; who does not ravish maidens in the public roads; who sets fire to no other man's barn; who does not rob wayfarers at the corner of his park. Provided that he religiously respects the lives and purses of his fellow-citizens, nothing more is demanded of him. He may beat his wife, maltreat his servants, ruin his children, and it is nobody's business. Society punishes only those acts which are injurious to it; private life is beyond its jurisdiction.
Do you know what they call an honest man in the provinces? He’s a guy who doesn’t trespass on his neighbor’s land; who doesn’t ask his debtors for a penny more than what they owe him; who tips his hat to everyone who acknowledges him; who doesn’t assault young women on the streets; who doesn’t set fire to another person's barn; who doesn’t rob travelers at the edge of his property. As long as he faithfully respects the lives and wallets of his fellow citizens, that’s all that's expected of him. He might abuse his wife, mistreat his employees, ruin his children, and it’s nobody’s concern. Society punishes only those actions that harm it; personal life is out of its reach.
Such was Monsieur Delmare's theory of morals. He had never studied any other social contract than this: Every man is master in his own house. He treated all affairs of the heart as feminine puerilities, sentimental subtleties. Being a man devoid of wit, of tact and of education, he enjoyed greater consideration than a man obtains by dint of talent and amiability. He had broad shoulders and a strong wrist; he handled the sword and the sabre perfectly, and was exceedingly quick to take offence. As he did not always understand a joke, he was constantly haunted by the idea that people were making fun of him. Being incapable of suitable repartee, he had but one way of defending himself: to enforce silence by threats. His favorite epigrams always turned upon cowhidings to be administered and affairs of honor to be settled; wherefore the province always prefixed to his name the epithet brave because military valor apparently consists in having broad shoulders and long moustaches, in swearing fiercely, and in putting one's hand to the sword on the slightest pretext.
Such was Monsieur Delmare's theory of morals. He had never studied any other social contract than this: Every man is the master of his own house. He regarded all matters of the heart as silly female concerns, sentimental nuances. Being a man without wit, tact, or education, he enjoyed more respect than one usually gets through talent and charm. He had broad shoulders and a strong grip; he handled the sword and sabre flawlessly and was very quick to take offense. Since he didn’t always get jokes, he was often haunted by the thought that people were laughing at him. Lacking the ability for clever comebacks, he had only one way to defend himself: to enforce silence through threats. His favorite expressions tended to revolve around beatings to be given and honors to be defended; thus, the province always added the title brave to his name because military bravery apparently meant having broad shoulders and long mustaches, swearing loudly, and reaching for the sword at the slightest provocation.
God forbid that I should believe that camp life makes all men brutes! but I may be permitted to believe that one must have a large stock of tact and discretion to resist the habit of passive and brutal domination. If you have served in the army, you are familiar with what the troops call skin-breeches, and will agree that there are large numbers of them among the remains of the old imperial cohorts. Those men who, when brought together and urged forward by a powerful hand, performed such magnificent exploits, towered like giants amid the smoke of the battle-field; but, having returned to civil life, the heroes became mere soldiers once more, bold, vulgar fellows who reasoned like machines; and it was fortunate if they did not behave in society as in conquered territory. It was the fault of the age rather than theirs. Ingenuous minds, they had faith in the adulation of victory, and allowed themselves to be persuaded that they were great patriots because they defended their country—some against their will, others for money and honors. But how did they defend it, those tens of thousands of men who blindly embraced the error of a single man, and who, after saving their country, basely destroyed it? And again, if a soldier's devotion to his captain seems to you a great and noble thing, well and good, so it does to me; but I call that fidelity, not patriotism. I congratulate the conquerors of Spain, I do not thank them. As for the honor of the French name, I by no means understand that method of safeguarding it among neighbors, and I find it difficult to believe that the Emperor's generals were very deeply engrossed by it at that deplorable stage of our glory; but I know that we are forbidden to discuss these matters impartially; I hold my peace, posterity will pass judgment on them.
God forbid I should think that camp life turns all men into brutes! However, I can believe that you need a lot of tact and discretion to resist the tendency towards passive and brutal domination. If you’ve served in the army, you know what the troops call skin-breeches, and you’ll agree that many of them are among the remnants of the old imperial cohorts. Those men, when gathered together and pushed forward by a strong force, achieved incredible feats, standing tall like giants amid the smoke of the battlefield; but once they returned to civilian life, the heroes became just regular soldiers again—bold, rough guys who thought like machines; and it was a relief if they didn’t act in society like they were in conquered territory. It was more the fault of the times than anything else. Naive as they were, they believed in the praise that came with victory and let themselves be convinced they were great patriots because they defended their country—some against their will, others for money and honors. But how did they actually defend it, those tens of thousands of men who blindly followed the misguided orders of one person, and who, after supposedly saving their country, ended up destroying it? And again, if you see a soldier's loyalty to his captain as something great and noble, that's fine with me; but I see that as loyalty, not patriotism. I admire the conquerors of Spain, but I don’t thank them. As for the honor of the French name, I really can’t understand how they thought they were protecting it among neighbors, and I find it hard to believe that the Emperor's generals were very invested in that during that sad time in our glory; but I know we aren’t supposed to discuss these things objectively; I’ll keep quiet—posterity will judge them.
Monsieur Delmare had all the good qualities and all the failings of these men. He was innocent to childishness concerning certain refinements of the point of honor, yet he was very well able to conduct his affairs to the best possible end without disturbing himself as to the good or evil which might result therefrom to others. His whole conscience was the law; his whole moral code was his rights under the law. His was one of those rigid, unbending probities which never borrow for fear of not returning, and never lend for fear of not recovering. He was the honest man who neither takes nor gives aught; who would rather die than steal a bundle of sticks in the king's forest, but would kill you without ceremony for picking up a twig in his. He was useful to himself alone, harmful to nobody. He took part in nothing that was going on about him, lest he might be compelled to do somebody a favor. But, when he deemed himself in honor bound to do it, no one could go about it with more energy and zeal and a more chivalrous spirit. At once trustful as a child and suspicious as a despot, he would believe a false oath and distrust a sincere promise. As in the military profession, form was everything with him. Public opinion governed him so exclusively that common sense and argument counted for nothing in his decisions, and when he said: "Such things are done," he thought that he had stated an irrefutable argument.
Monsieur Delmare had all the good qualities and all the flaws of these men. He was naively innocent about certain nuances of honor but was very capable of managing his affairs effectively without worrying about the consequences for others. His entire sense of right and wrong was based on the law; his moral compass revolved around his rights under that law. He possessed a rigid integrity that avoided borrowing for fear of not paying back and never lent out of concern for not getting it back. He was the kind of honest person who neither takes nor gives anything; he would rather die than steal a bundle of sticks from the king's forest but wouldn't hesitate to harm you for picking up a twig in his. He was only beneficial to himself and harmful to no one. He avoided getting involved in anything happening around him to prevent feeling obligated to help someone. However, when he felt honor-bound to assist, no one could tackle it with more energy, enthusiasm, and a chivalrous spirit than he could. Trusting like a child yet suspicious like a tyrant, he would believe a false oath while doubting a sincere promise. Just like in the military, appearance was everything to him. Public opinion influenced him so completely that common sense and logic meant nothing in his judgments; when he declared, "Such things are done," he believed he had made an unassailable argument.
Thus it will be seen that his nature was most antipathetic to his wife's, his heart entirely unfitted to understand her, his mind entirely incapable of appreciating her. And yet it is certain that slavery had engendered in her woman's heart a sort of virtuous and unspoken aversion which was not always just. Madame Delmare doubted her husband's heart overmuch; he was only harsh and she deemed him cruel. There was more roughness than anger in his outbreaks, more vulgarity than impertinence in his manners. Nature had not made him evil-minded: he had moments of compassion which led him to repentance, and in his repentance he was almost sensitive. It was camp life that had raised brutality to a principle in him. With a less refined, less gentle wife he would have been as gentle as a tame wolf; but this woman was disheartened with her fate; she did not take the trouble to try to make it happier.
Thus, it can be seen that his nature was completely against his wife’s; his heart was entirely unable to understand her, and his mind was incapable of appreciating her. Yet, it’s clear that slavery had created in her heart a kind of virtuous and unspoken aversion that wasn't always fair. Madame Delmare overthought her husband's feelings; he was just harsh, but she labeled him as cruel. His outbursts showed more roughness than anger, and there was more crudeness than rudeness in his behavior. He wasn’t made evil by nature: he had moments of compassion that led him to feel regret, and in those moments of regret, he was almost sensitive. It was the camp life that had turned brutality into a principle for him. With a less refined, less gentle wife, he would have been as gentle as a tamed wolf; but this woman was discouraged by her situation; she didn’t bother trying to make it any better.
XI
As he alighted from his tilbury in the courtyard at Lagny, Raymon's heart failed him. So he was once more to enter that house which recalled such awful memories! His arguments, being in accord with his passions, might enable him to overcome the impulses of his heart, but not to stifle them, and at that moment the sensation of remorse was as keen as that of desire.
As he got out of his carriage in the courtyard at Lagny, Raymon felt his heart sink. He was about to step into that house again, a place filled with terrible memories! His reasoning, aligning with his emotions, might help him push aside the feelings in his heart, but it couldn’t silence them, and at that moment, the feeling of guilt was as strong as the feeling of longing.
The first person who came forward to meet him was Sir Ralph Brown, and when he spied him in his everlasting hunting costume, flanked by his hounds and sober as a Scotch laird, he fancied that the portrait he had seen in Madame Delmare's chamber was walking before his eyes. A few moments later the colonel appeared, and the breakfast was served without Indiana. As he passed through the vestibule, by the door of the billiard room, and recognized the places he had previously seen under such different circumstances, Raymon was so distressed that he could hardly remember why he had come there now.
The first person to greet him was Sir Ralph Brown, and when he saw him in his usual hunting outfit, surrounded by his dogs and looking as serious as a Scottish landowner, he thought the portrait he had seen in Madame Delmare's room was right in front of him. A few moments later, the colonel showed up, and breakfast was served without Indiana. As he walked through the entrance hall, passing the billiard room door, and recognizing the places he had seen before under completely different circumstances, Raymon felt so upset that he could barely remember why he had come there in the first place.
"Is Madame Delmare really not coming down?" the colonel asked his factotum Lelièvre, with some asperity.
"Is Madame Delmare seriously not coming down?" the colonel asked his assistant Lelièvre, with a touch of irritation.
"Madame slept badly," replied Lelièvre, "and Mademoiselle Noun—that devil of a name keeps coming to my tongue!—Mademoiselle Fanny, I mean, just told me that madame is lying down now."
"Madame didn't sleep well," Lelièvre replied, "and Mademoiselle Noun—that tricky name keeps slipping out!—I mean Mademoiselle Fanny just told me that madame is resting now."
"How does it happen then that I just saw her at her window? Fanny is mistaken. Go and tell madame that breakfast is served; or stay—Sir Ralph, my dear kinsman, be pleased to go up and see for yourself if your cousin is really ill."
"How is it possible that I just saw her at her window? Fanny is wrong. Go and tell the lady that breakfast is ready; or wait—Sir Ralph, my dear relative, please go upstairs and check for yourself if your cousin is actually sick."
While the unfortunate name that the servant had mentioned from habit caused Raymon's nerves a painful thrill, the colonel's expedient caused him a strange sensation of jealous anger.
While the unfortunate name that the servant mentioned out of habit sent a painful jolt through Raymon's nerves, the colonel's tactic triggered a peculiar mix of jealous anger in him.
"In her bedroom!" he thought. "He doesn't confine himself to hanging the man's portrait there, but sends him there in person. This Englishman has privileges here which the husband himself seems to be afraid to claim."
"In her bedroom!" he thought. "He's not just hanging the guy's portrait there; he's actually sending him there in person. This Englishman has privileges here that the husband seems too scared to claim."
"Don't let that surprise you," said Monsieur Delmare, as if he had divined Raymon's reflections; "Monsieur Brown is the family physician; and then he's our cousin too, a fine fellow whom we love with all our hearts."
"Don't let that surprise you," said Monsieur Delmare, as if he had read Raymon's thoughts; "Monsieur Brown is the family doctor; plus, he's our cousin too, a great guy who we love with all our hearts."
Ralph remained absent ten minutes. Raymon was distraught, ill at ease. He did not eat and kept looking at the door. At last the Englishman reappeared.
Ralph was gone for ten minutes. Raymon was upset and uncomfortable. He didn't eat and kept staring at the door. Finally, the Englishman came back.
"Indiana is really ill," he said; "I told her to go back to bed."
"Indiana is really sick," he said; "I told her to go back to bed."
He took his seat tranquilly and ate with a robust appetite. The colonel did likewise.
He sat down calmly and ate with a hearty appetite. The colonel did the same.
"This is evidently a pretext to avoid seeing me," thought Raymon. "These two men don't suspect it, and the husband is more displeased than worried about his wife's condition. Good! my affairs are progressing more favorably than I hoped."
"This is obviously just an excuse to dodge seeing me," thought Raymon. "These two guys have no idea, and the husband is more annoyed than concerned about his wife's situation. Great! My plans are moving along better than I expected."
This resistance rearoused his determination and Noun's image vanished from the dismal hangings, which, at the beginning, had congealed his blood with terror. Soon he saw nothing but Madame Delmare's slender form. In the salon he sat at her embroidery frame, examined the flowers she was making—talking all the while and feigning deep interest—handled all the silks, inhaled the perfume her tiny fingers had left upon them. He had seen the same piece of work before, in Indiana's bedroom; then it was hardly begun, now it was covered with flowers that had bloomed beneath the breath of fever, watered by her daily tears. Raymon felt the tears coming to his own eyes, and, by virtue of some unexplained sympathy, sadly raising his eyes to the horizon, at which Indiana was in the habit of gazing in melancholy mood, he saw in the distance the white walls of Cercy standing out against a background of dark hills.
This resistance reignited his determination and Noun's image faded from the gloomy walls that had initially chilled him with fear. Soon, he could see nothing but Madame Delmare's slender form. In the living room, he sat at her embroidery frame, examining the flowers she was creating—talking all the while and pretending to be deeply interested—handling all the silks and breathing in the scent her tiny fingers had left on them. He had seen the same piece of work before, in Indiana's bedroom; then it was hardly started, now it was covered with flowers that had bloomed through the breath of fever, nourished by her daily tears. Raymon felt tears welling up in his own eyes, and, due to some unexplainable connection, he sadly lifted his gaze to the horizon where Indiana often stared with a melancholic mood, and in the distance, he saw the white walls of Cercy standing out against a backdrop of dark hills.
The colonel's voice roused him with a start.
The colonel's voice jolted him awake.
"Well, my excellent neighbor," he said, "it is time for me to pay my debt to you and keep my promises. The factory is in full swing and the hands are all at work. Here are paper and pencils, so that you can take notes."
"Well, my great neighbor," he said, "it's time for me to settle my debt to you and keep my promises. The factory is running at full capacity and everyone is hard at work. Here are some paper and pencils so you can take notes."
Raymon followed the colonel, inspected the factory with an eager, interested air, made comments which proved that chemistry and mechanics were equally familiar to him, listened with incredible patience to Monsieur Delmare's endless dissertations, coincided with some of his ideas, combated some others, and in every respect so conducted himself as to persuade his guide that he took an absorbing interest in these things, whereas he was hardly thinking of them and all his thoughts were directed toward Madame Delmare.
Raymon followed the colonel, toured the factory with keen interest, made comments that showed he was just as familiar with chemistry as he was with mechanics, listened with amazing patience to Monsieur Delmare's endless lectures, agreed with some of his ideas, disagreed with others, and in every way managed to convince his guide that he was deeply interested in these topics, while in reality, he was barely thinking about them and was completely focused on Madame Delmare.
It was a fact that he was familiar with every branch of knowledge, that no invention was without interest for him; moreover he was forwarding the interests of his brother, who had really embarked his whole fortune in a similar enterprise, although of much greater extent. Monsieur Delmare's technical knowledge, his only claim to superiority, pointed out to him at that moment the best method of taking advantage of this interview.
He knew a lot about every field of knowledge, and every invention caught his interest. Plus, he was helping his brother, who had invested his entire fortune in a similar but much larger venture. Monsieur Delmare's technical expertise, which was his only real advantage, showed him the best way to leverage this meeting.
Sir Ralph, who was a poor business man but a very shrewd politician, suggested during the inspection of the factory some economical considerations of considerable importance. The workmen, being anxious to display their skill to an expert, surpassed themselves in deftness and activity. Raymon looked at everything, heard everything, answered everything, and thought of nothing but the love affair that brought him to that place.
Sir Ralph, who wasn't great at business but was a clever politician, brought up some important cost-saving ideas during the factory tour. The workers, eager to show off their skills to an expert, really went above and beyond in their efficiency and speed. Raymon observed everything, listened to everything, responded to everything, and was focused on nothing but the romantic involvement that had brought him there.
When they had exhausted the subject of machinery the discussion fell upon the volume and force of the stream. They went out and climbed upon the dam, bidding the overseer raise the gates and mark the different depths.
When they had talked about machinery enough, the conversation shifted to the size and power of the stream. They went outside and climbed up onto the dam, asking the overseer to raise the gates and measure the different depths.
"Monsieur," said the man, addressing Monsieur Delmare, who fixed the maximum at fifteen feet, "I beg pardon, but we had it seventeen once this year."
"Mister," said the man, addressing Mr. Delmare, who set the maximum at fifteen feet, "I apologize, but we had it at seventeen once this year."
"When was that? You are mistaken," said the colonel.
"When was that? You're mistaken," said the colonel.
"Excuse me, monsieur, it was on the eve of your return from Belgium, the very night Mademoiselle Noun was found drowned; what I say is proved by the fact that the body passed over that dike yonder and did not stop until it got here, just where monsieur is standing."
"Excuse me, sir, it was the night before you got back from Belgium, the exact night Mademoiselle Noun was found drowned; what I’m saying is supported by the fact that the body floated over that dike over there and didn't stop until it got here, right where you're standing."
Speaking thus, with much animation, the man pointed to where Raymon stood. The unhappy young man turned pale as death; he cast a horrified glance at the water flowing at his feet; it seemed to him that the livid face was reflected in it, that the body was still floating there; he had an attack of vertigo and would have fallen into the river had not Monsieur Brown caught his arm and pulled him away.
Speaking with great energy, the man pointed to where Raymon stood. The distressed young man turned as pale as a ghost; he shot a terrified look at the water flowing at his feet; it felt to him like the pale face was reflected in it, as if the body was still floating there; he felt dizzy and would have fallen into the river if Monsieur Brown hadn't grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"Very good," said the colonel, who noticed nothing, and who gave so little thought to Noun that he did not suspect Raymon's emotion; "but that was an extraordinary instance, and the average depth of the water is—But what the devil's the matter with you two?" he inquired, suddenly interrupting himself.
"Very good," said the colonel, who noticed nothing and thought so little about Noun that he didn’t suspect Raymon's feelings. "But that was an extraordinary example, and the average depth of the water is—But what the heck is wrong with you two?" he asked, suddenly stopping himself.
"Nothing," replied Sir Ralph; "as I turned I trod on monsieur's foot; I am distressed, for I must have hurt him terribly."
"Nothing," replied Sir Ralph; "as I turned, I stepped on the gentleman's foot; I feel really bad because I must have hurt him badly."
Sir Ralph made this reply in so calm and natural a tone that Raymon was convinced that he thought he was telling the truth. A few courteous words were exchanged and the conversation resumed its course.
Sir Ralph replied in such a calm and natural way that Raymon was convinced he believed he was telling the truth. A few polite words were exchanged, and the conversation continued.
Raymon left Lagny a few hours later without seeing Madame Delmare. It was better than he hoped; he had feared that he should find her calm and indifferent.
Raymon left Lagny a few hours later without seeing Madame Delmare. It was better than he hoped; he had worried that he would find her calm and indifferent.
However he repeated his visit with no better success. That time the colonel was alone; Raymon put forth all the resources of his wit to captivate him, and shrewdly descended to innumerable little acts of condescension—praised Napoléon, whom he did not like, deplored the indifference of the government, which left the illustrious remnant of the Grande Armée in oblivion and something like contempt, carried opposition tenets as far as his opinions would permit him to go, and selected from his various beliefs those which were likely to flatter Monsieur Delmare's. He even provided himself with a character different from his real one, in order to attract his confidence. He transformed himself into a bon vivant, a "hail fellow well met," a careless good-for-naught.
However, he visited again with no better luck. This time the colonel was alone; Raymon used all his wit to charm him and cleverly engaged in countless little acts of condescension—he praised Napoléon, whom he didn’t like, lamented the government's indifference that left the famous remnants of the Grande Armée in obscurity and almost disdain, pushed opposition views as far as he could, and picked from his various beliefs those that would flatter Monsieur Delmare's opinion. He even created a persona different from his true self to gain his trust. He turned himself into a bon vivant, a "friendly guy," a carefree good-for-nothing.
"What if that fellow should ever make a conquest of my wife!" said the colonel to himself as he watched him drive away.
"What if that guy ever wins over my wife!" the colonel thought to himself as he watched him drive away.
Then he began to chuckle inwardly and to think that Raymon was a charming fellow.
Then he started to laugh to himself and thought that Raymon was a charming guy.
Madame de Ramière was at Cercy at this time: Raymon extolled Madame Delmare's charms and wit to her, and without urging her to call upon her, had the art to suggest the thought.
Madame de Ramière was at Cercy at this time: Raymon praised Madame Delmare's beauty and intelligence to her, and without pushing her to visit, cleverly hinted at the idea.
"I believe she is the only one of my neighbors whom I do not know," she said; "and as I am a new arrival in the neighborhood it is my place to begin. We will go to Lagny together next week."
"I think she’s the only one of my neighbors I don’t know," she said. "Since I’m new to the area, it’s my responsibility to introduce myself. We’ll go to Lagny together next week."
The appointed day arrived.
The day finally arrived.
"She cannot avoid me now," thought Raymon.
"She can't escape me now," thought Raymon.
In truth Madame Delmare could not escape the necessity of receiving him, for when she saw an elderly woman she did not know step from the carriage, she went out on the stoop herself to meet her. At the same moment she recognized Raymon in the man who accompanied her; but she realized that he must have deceived his mother to induce her to take that step, and her displeasure on that account gave her strength to be dignified and calm. She received Madame de Ramière with a mixture of respect and affability; but her coldness to Raymon was so absolutely glacial that he felt that he could not long endure it. He was not accustomed to disdain and his pride took fire at being unable to conquer with a glance those who were prepossessed against him. Thereupon, deciding upon his course like a man who cared nothing for a woman's whim, he asked permission to join Monsieur Delmare in the park and left the two women together.
In reality, Madame Delmare couldn’t avoid the need to greet him, because when she saw an elderly woman she didn’t recognize step out of the carriage, she went out to the front step to meet her. At that moment, she recognized Raymon in the man who was with her; however, she realized that he must have tricked his mother into making that decision, and her annoyance at this gave her the strength to remain composed and dignified. She welcomed Madame de Ramière with a blend of respect and friendliness, but her chilliness toward Raymon was so utterly icy that he felt he could hardly stand it for long. He wasn’t used to being looked down on, and his pride flared up at not being able to win over those who were biased against him with just a look. So, deciding on his next move like someone who didn’t care about a woman’s preferences, he asked to join Monsieur Delmare in the park and left the two women together.
Little by little, vanquished by the charm which a superior intellect, combined with a noble and generous heart, is capable of exerting even in its least intimate relations, Indiana became affable, affectionate and almost playful with Madame de Ramière. She had never known her mother, and Madame de Carvajal, despite her presents and her words of praise, was far from being a mother to her; so she felt a sort of fascination of the heart with Raymon's mother.
Little by little, overwhelmed by the charm that a sharp intellect, paired with a noble and generous heart, can have even in the simplest interactions, Indiana became friendly, loving, and almost playful with Madame de Ramière. She had never known her mother, and despite Madame de Carvajal's gifts and compliments, she was far from being a mother figure to her; so she felt a kind of emotional pull towards Raymon's mother.
When he joined her as she was stepping into her carriage he saw Indiana put to her lips the hand that Madame de Ramière offered her. Poor Indiana felt the need of having some one to cling to. Everything that offered a prospect of interest and of companionship in her lonely and unhappy life was welcomed by her with the keenest delight; and then she said to herself that Madame de Ramière would preserve her from the snare into which Raymon sought to lure her.
When he joined her as she was getting into her carriage, he saw Indiana kiss the hand that Madame de Ramière offered her. Poor Indiana felt the need for someone to hold onto. Anything that promised interest and companionship in her lonely and unhappy life was welcomed by her with great joy; and then she told herself that Madame de Ramière would protect her from the trap that Raymon was trying to ensnare her in.
"I will throw myself into this good woman's arms," she was thinking already, "and, if necessary, I will tell her everything. I will implore her to save me from her son, and her prudence will stand guard over him and over me."
"I’m going to throw myself into this good woman’s arms," she thought, "and if I need to, I’ll tell her everything. I’ll beg her to save me from her son, and her wisdom will protect both him and me."
Such was not Raymon's reasoning.
That wasn't Raymon's reasoning.
"Dear mother!" he said to himself, as he drove back with her to Cercy, "her charm and her goodness of heart perform miracles. What do I not owe to them already! my education, my success in life, my standing in society. I lacked nothing but the happiness of owing to her the heart of such a woman as Indiana."
"Dear mom!" he said to himself as he drove her back to Cercy, "her charm and her kindness work wonders. What do I not owe to them already! My education, my success in life, my place in society. I have everything I could want except the happiness of being able to say I owe her the heart of a woman like Indiana."
Raymon, as we see, loved his mother because of his need of her and of the well-being he owed to her; so do all children love their mothers.
Raymon, as we can see, loved his mother because he needed her and because he owed his well-being to her; that's how all children love their mothers.
A few days later Raymon received an invitation to pass three days at Bellerive, a beautiful country seat owned by Sir Ralph Brown, between Cercy and Lagny, where it was proposed, in concert with the best hunters of the neighborhood, to destroy a part of the game that was devouring the owner's woods and gardens. Raymon liked neither Sir Ralph nor hunting, but Madame Delmare did the honors of her cousin's house on great occasions, and the hope of meeting her soon decided Raymon to accept the invitation.
A few days later, Raymon got an invitation to spend three days at Bellerive, a stunning country estate owned by Sir Ralph Brown, located between Cercy and Lagny. The plan was to team up with the best hunters in the area to eliminate some of the game that was ruining the owner's woods and gardens. Raymon wasn’t a fan of either Sir Ralph or hunting, but Madame Delmare hosted her cousin’s house on special occasions, and the chance to see her soon convinced Raymon to accept the invitation.
The fact was that Sir Ralph did not expect Madame Delmare on this occasion; she had excused herself on the ground of her wretched health. But the colonel, who took umbrage when his wife sought diversion on her own account, took still greater umbrage when she declined such diversions as he chose to allow her.
The reality was that Sir Ralph didn’t expect Madame Delmare this time; she had excused herself because of her terrible health. However, the colonel, who was annoyed when his wife tried to find amusement on her own, was even more upset when she rejected the activities he permitted her.
"Do you want to make the whole province think that I keep you under lock and key?" he said to her. "You make me appear like a jealous husband; it's an absurd rôle and one that I do not propose to play any longer. Besides, what does this lack of courtesy to your cousin mean? Does it become you, when we owe to his friendship the establishment and prosperity of our business, to refuse him such a service? You are necessary to him and you hesitate! I cannot understand your whims. All the people whom I don't like are sure of a hearty welcome from you; but those whom I esteem are unfortunate enough not to please you."
"Do you want the whole province to think that I keep you locked up?" he said to her. "You’re making me look like a jealous husband; it’s a ridiculous role that I refuse to play anymore. Besides, what’s with the lack of courtesy towards your cousin? Doesn’t it seem right, considering we owe our business’s success to his friendship, to deny him such a favor? He needs you, and you’re hesitating! I just don’t get your mood swings. All the people I can’t stand get a warm welcome from you, but the ones I actually respect seem to annoy you."
"That reproach has very little application to the present case, I should say," replied Madame Delmare. "I love my cousin like a brother, and my affection for him was of long standing when yours began."
"That criticism doesn’t really apply to this situation, I would say," replied Madame Delmare. "I love my cousin like a brother, and I had feelings for him long before you did."
"Oh! yes, yes, more of your fine words; but I know that you don't find him sentimental enough, the poor devil! you call him selfish because he doesn't like novels and doesn't cry over the death of a dog. However, he's not the only one. How did you receive Monsieur de Ramière? a charming young fellow, on my word! Madame de Carvajal introduces him to you and you receive him with the greatest affability; but I have the ill-luck to think well of him and you pronounce him unendurable, and when he calls upon you, you go to bed! Are you trying to make me appear a perfect boor? It is time for this to come to an end and for you to begin to live like other people."
"Oh! yes, yes, more of your fancy words; but I know you think he’s not sentimental enough, the poor guy! You call him selfish because he doesn’t enjoy novels and doesn’t cry over a dog’s death. But he’s not the only one. How did you treat Monsieur de Ramière? What a charming young guy, I swear! Madame de Carvajal introduces him to you, and you welcome him with the greatest friendliness; but I happen to think well of him, and you find him unbearable, and when he visits you, you go to bed! Are you trying to make me look like a complete jerk? It’s time for this to stop, and for you to start living like everyone else."
Raymon deemed it inadvisable, in view of his plans, to show too much eagerness; threats of indifference are successful with almost all women who think that they are loved. But the hunting had been in progress since morning when he reached Sir Ralph's, and Madame Delmare was not expected until dinner time. He employed the interval in preparing a plan of action.
Raymon thought it was unwise, considering his plans, to appear too eager; hints of indifference usually work well with almost all women who believe they are loved. But the search had been going on since morning when he arrived at Sir Ralph's, and Madame Delmare wasn't expected until dinner. He spent the time preparing a strategy.
It occurred to him that he must find some method of justifying his conduct, for the critical moment was at hand. He had two days before him and he determined to apportion the time thus: the rest of the day that was nearly ended to make an impression, the next day to persuade and the following day to be happy. He even consulted his watch and calculated almost to an hour the time when his enterprise would succeed or fail.
It occurred to him that he needed to find a way to justify his actions, as the crucial moment was approaching. He had two days ahead of him and decided to divide his time like this: he would use the rest of the day that was almost over to make an impression, the next day to persuade, and the following day to be happy. He even checked his watch and calculated the exact time when his plan would either succeed or fail.
XII
He had been two hours in the salon when he heard Madame Delmare's sweet and slightly husky voice in the adjoining room. By dint of reflecting on his scheme of seduction he had become as passionately interested as an author in his subject or a lawyer in his cause, and the emotion that he felt at the sight of Indiana may be compared to that of an actor thoroughly imbued with the spirit of his rôle who finds himself in the presence of the principal character of the drama and can no longer distinguish artificial stage effects from reality.
He had been in the salon for two hours when he heard Madame Delmare's sweet, slightly raspy voice in the next room. By thinking about his seduction plan, he had become as passionately invested as a writer in their story or a lawyer in their case, and the emotions he felt at the sight of Indiana were similar to those of an actor who is so immersed in their role that they can’t tell the difference between the staged effects and real life.
She was so changed that a feeling of sincere compassion found its way into Raymon's being, amid the nervous tremors of his brain. Unhappiness and illness had left such deep traces on her face that she was hardly pretty, and that he felt that there was more glory than pleasure to be gained by the conquest. But he owed it to himself to restore this woman to life and happiness.
She had changed so much that a genuine sense of compassion entered Raymon's mind, despite the anxious tension he felt. Sadness and illness had left such deep marks on her face that she was barely attractive, and he sensed that there was more honor than joy to be found in winning her over. But he felt it was his duty to help this woman regain her life and happiness.
Seeing how pale and sad she was, he judged that he had no very strong will to contend against. Was it possible that such a frail envelope could conceal great power of moral resistance?
Seeing how pale and sad she was, he figured that he didn't have to struggle against a very strong will. Could it be that such a delicate exterior could hide great strength of moral resilience?
He reflected that it was necessary first of all to interest her in herself, to frighten her concerning her depression and her failing health, in order the more easily to open her mind to the desire and the hope of a better destiny.
He thought it was essential to first get her interested in herself, to scare her about her depression and her declining health, so that it would be easier to inspire her with the desire and hope for a better future.
"Indiana!" he began, with secret assurance perfectly concealed beneath an air of profound melancholy, "to think that I should find you in such a condition as this! I did not dream that this moment to which I have looked forward so long, which I have sought so eagerly, would cause me such horrible pain!"
"Indiana!" he started, with a hidden confidence perfectly masked by a deep sadness, "I can't believe I would find you in such a state! I never thought this moment that I’ve been waiting for so long, which I have chased so desperately, would bring me such terrible pain!"
Madame Delmare hardly anticipated this language; she expected to surprise Raymon in the attitude of a confused and shrinking culprit; and lo! instead of accusing himself—of telling her of his grief and repentance—his sorrow and pity were all for her! She must be sorely cast down and broken in spirit to inspire compassion in a man who should have implored hers!
Madame Delmare did not expect this response; she thought she would find Raymon acting like a guilty and remorseful person. But instead of admitting his wrongs or expressing his sadness and regret, he was full of sorrow and sympathy for her! She must be deeply upset and emotionally shattered to evoke such compassion from a man who should have been asking for her understanding!
A French woman—a woman of the world—would not have lost her head at such a delicate juncture; but Indiana had no tact; possessed neither the skill nor the power of dissimulation necessary to preserve the advantage of her position. His words brought before her eyes the whole picture of her sufferings and tears glistened on the edge of her eyelids.
A French woman—a sophisticated woman—wouldn't have panicked in such a delicate situation; but Indiana had no social awareness; she lacked the finesse and ability to hide her feelings needed to maintain her advantage. His words brought to mind the entire image of her pain, and tears glistened on the edges of her eyelids.
"I am ill, in truth," she said, as she seated herself, feebly and wearily, in the chair Raymon offered her; "I feel that I am very ill, and, in your presence, monsieur, I have the right to complain."
"I’m really not feeling well," she said, as she weakly and tiredly sat down in the chair Raymon offered her; "I know I’m quite sick, and in your presence, sir, I have the right to express my concerns."
Raymon had not hoped to progress so fast. He seized the opportunity by the hair, as the saying is, and, taking possession of a hand which felt cold and dry in his, he replied:
Raymon hadn't expected to move forward so quickly. He grabbed the chance with both hands, as the saying goes, and, holding a hand that felt cold and dry in his, he replied:
"Indiana! do not say that; do not say that I am the cause of your illness, for you make me mad with grief and joy."
"Indiana! Don't say that; don't say that I'm the reason for your sickness, because it drives me crazy with both sadness and happiness."
"And joy!" she repeated, fixing upon him her great blue eyes overflowing with melancholy and amazement.
"And joy!" she repeated, looking at him with her big blue eyes full of sadness and wonder.
"I should have said hope; for, if I have caused you unhappiness, madame, I can perhaps bring it to an end. Say a word," he added, kneeling beside her on a cushion that had fallen from the divan, "ask me for my blood, my life!"
"I should have said hope; because if I've made you unhappy, madam, I might be able to fix it. Just say a word," he said, kneeling beside her on a cushion that had fallen from the couch, "ask me for my blood, my life!"
"Oh! hush!" said Indiana bitterly, withdrawing her hand; "you made a shameful misuse of promises before; try to repair the evil you have done!"
"Oh! be quiet!" said Indiana bitterly, pulling her hand away. "You misused promises disgracefully before; try to fix the damage you've caused!"
"I intend to do it; I will do it!" he cried, trying to take her hand again.
"I mean to do it; I will do it!" he shouted, reaching for her hand again.
"It is too late," she said. "Give me back my companion, my sister; give me back Noun, my only friend!"
"It’s too late," she said. "Give me back my companion, my sister; give me back Noun, my only friend!"
A cold shiver ran through Raymon's veins. This time he had no need to encourage her emotion; there are emotions which awake unbidden, mighty and terrible, without the aid of art.
A cold shiver ran through Raymon's veins. This time he didn't need to encourage her feelings; some emotions arise on their own, powerful and frightening, without any help from art.
"She knows all," he thought, "and she has judged me."
"She knows everything," he thought, "and she's made her judgment about me."
Nothing could be more humiliating to him than to be reproached for his crime by the woman who had been his innocent accomplice; nothing more bitter than to see Noun's rival lamenting her death.
Nothing could be more humiliating to him than being blamed for his crime by the woman who had been his unwitting partner; nothing more bitter than watching Noun's rival mourning her death.
"Yes, monsieur," said Indiana, raising her face, down which the tears were streaming, "you were the cause—"
"Yes, sir," Indiana said, lifting her face, tears streaming down her cheeks, "you were the reason—"
But she paused when she observed Raymon's pallor. It must have been most alarming, for he had never suffered so keenly.
But she hesitated when she noticed Raymon's pale complexion. It must have been quite unsettling, as he had never experienced such intense suffering.
Thereupon all the kindness of her heart and all the involuntary emotion which he aroused in her resumed their sway over Madame Delmare.
Thereupon, all the kindness in her heart and all the feelings he stirred in her took charge of Madame Delmare again.
"Forgive me!" she said in dismay; "I hurt you terribly; I have suffered so myself! Sit down and let us talk of something else."
"Please forgive me!" she said, clearly upset. "I really hurt you, and I've been suffering too! Come sit down and let’s talk about something else."
This sudden manifestation of her sweet and generous nature rendered Raymon's emotion deeper than ever. He sobbed aloud; he put Indiana's hand to his lips and covered it with tears and kisses. It was the first time that he had been able to weep since Noun's death, and it was Indiana who relieved his breast of that terrible weight.
This sudden display of her kind and generous nature made Raymon's feelings stronger than ever. He cried out loud; he brought Indiana's hand to his lips and covered it with tears and kisses. It was the first time he had been able to cry since Noun's death, and it was Indiana who lifted that heavy burden from his heart.
"Oh! since you, who never knew her, weep for her so freely," she said; "since you regret so bitterly the injury you have done me, I dare not reproach you any more. Let us weep for her together, monsieur, so that, from her place in heaven, she may see us and forgive us."
"Oh! since you, who never knew her, cry for her so openly," she said; "since you feel so bad about the harm you've done me, I won't blame you anymore. Let's mourn for her together, mister, so that from her place in heaven, she can see us and forgive us."
Raymon's forehead was wet with cold perspiration. If the words you who never knew her had delivered him from painful anxiety, this appeal to his victim's memory, in Indiana's innocent mouth, terrified him with a superstitious terror. Sorely distressed, he rose and walked feverishly to a window and leaned on the sill to breathe the fresh air. Indiana remained in her chair, silent and deeply moved. She felt a sort of secret joy on seeing Raymon weep like a child and display the weakness of a woman.
Raymon's forehead was damp with cold sweat. While the phrase you who never knew her had eased his painful anxiety, this reference to his victim's memory, coming from Indiana's innocent lips, filled him with a superstitious fear. Deeply troubled, he got up and paced nervously to a window, leaning on the sill to breathe in the fresh air. Indiana stayed in her chair, quiet and deeply affected. She felt a kind of secret joy seeing Raymon cry like a child and show the vulnerability of a woman.
"He is naturally kind," she murmured to herself; "he is fond of me; his heart is warm and generous. He did wrong, but his repentance expiates his fault, and I ought to have forgiven him sooner."
"He is naturally kind," she murmured to herself; "he cares about me; his heart is warm and generous. He made a mistake, but his regret makes up for it, and I should have forgiven him sooner."
She gazed at him with a softened expression; her confidence in him had returned. She mistook the remorse of the guilty man for the repentance of love.
She looked at him with a softened expression; her trust in him had come back. She confused the guilt of the man with the regret of love.
"Do not weep any more," she said, rising and walking up to him; "it was I who killed her; I alone am guilty. This remorse will sadden my whole life. I gave way to an impulse of suspicion and anger; I humiliated her, wounded her to the heart. I vented upon her all my spleen against you; it was you alone who had offended me, and I punished my poor friend for it. I was very hard to her!"
"Don’t cry anymore," she said, getting up and walking over to him. "I’m the one who killed her; I’m the only one to blame. This guilt will haunt me for the rest of my life. I let my suspicion and anger take over; I humiliated her and hurt her deeply. I took out all my frustration about you on her; you were the only one who had wronged me, and I took it out on my poor friend. I was really cruel to her!"
"And to me," said Raymon, suddenly forgetting the past to think only of the present.
"And for me," said Raymon, suddenly forgetting the past and focusing only on the present.
Madame Delmare blushed.
Madame Delmare turned red.
"I should not perhaps have reproached you for the cruel loss I sustained on that awful night," she said; "but I cannot forget the imprudence of your conduct toward me. The lack of delicacy in your romantic and culpable project wounded me very deeply. I believed then that you loved me!—and you did not even respect me!"
"I probably shouldn’t have blamed you for the terrible loss I experienced that night," she said. "But I can’t forget how reckless you were with me. The insensitivity of your romantic and wrong plan hurt me a lot. I truly thought you loved me!—and you didn't even have the decency to respect me!"
Raymon recovered his strength, his determination, his love, his hopes; the sinister presentiment, which had made his blood run cold, vanished like a nightmare. He awoke once more, young, ardent, overflowing with desire, with passion, and with hopes for the future.
Raymon regained his strength, his determination, his love, and his hopes; the dark foreboding that had chilled him disappeared like a bad dream. He woke up again, youthful, eager, filled with desire, passion, and optimism for the future.
"I am guilty if you hate me," he said, vehemently, throwing himself at her feet; "but, if you love me, I am not guilty—I never have been. Tell me, Indiana, do you love me?"
"I’m guilty if you hate me," he said passionately, throwing himself at her feet. "But if you love me, I’m not guilty—I never have been. Tell me, Indiana, do you love me?"
"Do you deserve it?" she asked.
"Do you really deserve it?" she asked.
"If, in order to deserve it," said Raymon, "I must love you to adoration—"
"If I have to love you to the point of adoration to deserve it," Raymon said,
"Listen to me," she said, abandoning her hands to him and fastening upon him her great eyes, swimming in tears, wherein a sombre flame gleamed at intervals. "Do you know what it is to love a woman like me? No, you do not know. You thought that it was merely a matter of gratifying the caprice of a day. You judged my heart by all the surfeited hearts over which you have hitherto exerted your ephemeral domination. You do not know that I have never loved as yet and that I will not give my untouched virgin heart in exchange for a ruined, withered heart, my enthusiastic love for a lukewarm love, my whole life for one brief day!"
"Listen to me," she said, letting her hands fall into his and fixing her tear-filled eyes on him, where a dark spark flickered occasionally. "Do you know what it’s like to love a woman like me? No, you don’t know. You thought it was just about satisfying a passing whim. You judged my heart by all the jaded hearts you’ve controlled so far. You don't realize that I've never truly loved and that I won’t give my untouched heart in exchange for a ruined, faded one, my passionate love for a half-hearted one, my entire life for just a single day!"
"Madame, I love you passionately; my heart too is young and ardent, and, if it is not worthy of yours, no man's heart will ever be. I know how you must be loved; I have not waited until this day to find out. Do I not know your life? did I not describe it to you at the ball, the first time that I ever had the privilege of speaking to you? Did I not read the whole history of your heart in the first one of your glances that ever fell upon me? And with what did I fall in love, think you? with your beauty alone? Ah! that is surely enough to drive an older and less passionate man to frenzy; but for my part, if I adore that gracious and charming envelope, it is because it encloses a pure and divine soul, it is because a celestial fire quickens it, and because I see in you not a woman simply, but an angel."
"Madame, I love you deeply; my heart is also young and eager, and if it’s not worthy of yours, then no man’s heart ever will be. I understand how you should be loved; I didn’t wait until today to learn this. Don't I know your life? Didn’t I describe it to you at the ball, the very first time I had the privilege to talk to you? Didn’t I read the entire story of your heart in the first glance you ever gave me? And what do you think I fell in love with? Just your beauty? Ah! That could certainly drive an older, less passionate man crazy; but for me, while I adore that lovely and charming exterior, it’s because it contains a pure and divine spirit, it’s because a heavenly fire inspires it, and because I see in you not just a woman, but an angel."
"I know that you possess the art of praising; but do not hope to move my vanity. I have no need of homage, but of affection. I must be loved without a rival, without reserve and forever; you must be ready to sacrifice everything to me, fortune, reputation, duty, business, principles, family—everything, monsieur, because I shall place the same absolute devotion in my scale, and I wish them to balance. You see that you cannot love me like that!"
"I know you have a way with compliments, but don’t think you can flatter my ego. I don’t need admiration; I need love. I want to be loved completely, without competition, without holding back, and for all time. You must be willing to give up everything for me—your wealth, your reputation, your responsibilities, your work, your values, your family—everything, my dear, because I will give the same total devotion in return, and I want things to be equal. You can see that you can’t love me that way!"
It was not the first time that Raymon had seen a woman take love seriously, although such cases are rare, luckily for society; but he knew that promises of love do not bind the honor, again luckily for society. Sometimes too the women who had demanded from him these solemn pledges had been the first to break them. He did not take fright therefore at Madame Delmare's demands, or rather he gave no thought either to the past or the future. He was borne along by the irresistible fascination of that frail, passionate woman, so weak in body, so resolute in heart and mind. She was so beautiful, so animated, so imposing as she dictated her laws to him, that he remained as if fascinated at her knees.
It wasn’t the first time Raymon had seen a woman take love seriously, though those instances are rare, thankfully for society. He understood that promises of love don’t really hold any honor, which is lucky for society too. Often, the women who had asked him for these serious commitments were the first to break them. So he wasn’t intimidated by Madame Delmare’s demands; in fact, he didn’t think about the past or the future at all. He was swept away by the irresistible charm of that delicate, passionate woman—so physically weak, yet so determined in heart and mind. She was incredibly beautiful, so full of life, and so commanding as she laid down her rules that he felt almost spellbound at her feet.
"I swear," he said, "that I will be yours body and soul; I devote my life, I consecrate my blood to you, I place my will at your service; take everything, do as you will with my fortune, my honor, my conscience, my thoughts, my whole being."
"I promise," he said, "that I will be yours completely; I give my life, I dedicate my blood to you, I offer my will to serve you; take everything, do as you wish with my wealth, my honor, my conscience, my thoughts, my entire self."
"Hush!" said Indiana hastily, "here is my cousin."
"Hush!" Indiana said quickly, "here's my cousin."
As she spoke the phlegmatic Sir Ralph Brown entered the room with his usual tranquil air, expressing great surprise and pleasure to see his cousin, whom he had not hoped to see. Then he asked permission to kiss her by way of manifesting his gratitude, and, leaning over her with methodical moderation, he kissed her on the lips, according to the custom among children in his country.
As she spoke, the calm Sir Ralph Brown walked into the room with his usual relaxed demeanor, clearly surprised and happy to see his cousin, whom he hadn’t expected to see. Then he asked if he could kiss her as a way of showing his gratitude, and, leaning over her with careful restraint, he kissed her on the lips, as is customary among children in his country.
Raymon turned pale with anger and Ralph had no sooner left the room to give some order, than he went to Indiana and tried to remove all trace of that impertinent kiss. But Madame Delmare calmly pushed him away.
Raymon turned pale with anger, and as soon as Ralph left the room to give some orders, he went to Indiana and tried to wipe away any trace of that disrespectful kiss. But Madame Delmare calmly pushed him away.
"Remember," she said, "that you owe much reparation if you wish me to believe in you."
"Remember," she said, "that you have a lot to make up for if you want me to believe in you."
Raymon did not understand the delicacy of this rebuff; he saw in it nothing but a rebuff and he was angry with Sir Ralph. Shortly after he noticed that, when Sir Ralph spoke to Indiana in an undertone, he used the more familiar form of address, and he was on the verge of mistaking the reserve which custom imposed upon Sir Ralph at other times, for the precaution of a favored lover. But he blushed for his insulting suspicions as soon as he met the young woman's pure glance.
Raymon didn't grasp the subtlety of this rejection; he saw it purely as a snub and felt angry with Sir Ralph. Soon after, he noticed that when Sir Ralph spoke to Indiana quietly, he used a more familiar way of addressing her. He was almost about to mistake the distance that custom required of Sir Ralph at other times for the caution of a beloved suitor. But he felt embarrassed by his disrespectful thoughts as soon as he met the young woman's innocent gaze.
That evening Raymon displayed his intellectual powers. There was a large company and people listened to him; he could not escape the prominence which his talents gave him. He talked, and if Indiana had been vain she would have had her first taste of happiness in listening to him. But on the contrary her simple, straightforward mind took fright at Raymon's superiority; she struggled against the magic power which he exerted over all about him, a sort of magnetic influence which heaven, or hell, accords to certain men—a partial and ephemeral royalty, so real that no mediocre mind can escape its ascendancy, so fleeting that no trace of it remains after them, and that when they die we are amazed at the sensation they made during their lives.
That evening, Raymon showcased his intelligence. There was a big crowd, and people listened to him; he couldn't avoid the attention his talents brought him. He spoke, and if Indiana had been vain, she would have experienced her first taste of happiness in hearing him. But instead, her simple, straightforward mind was intimidated by Raymon's superiority; she fought against the magical power he had over everyone around him, a kind of magnetic influence that some men are given—an short-lived royalty so real that no ordinary mind can escape its pull, yet so temporary that no evidence of it remains after they're gone, and when they die, we are left amazed by the impact they had during their lives.
There were many times when Indiana was fascinated by such a brilliant display; but she at once said to herself sadly that she was eager for happiness, not for glory. She asked herself in dismay if this man, for whom life had so many different aspects, so many absorbing interests, could devote his whole mind to her, sacrifice all his ambitions to her. And while he defended step by step, with such courage and skill, such ardor and self-possession, doctrines purely speculative and interests entirely foreign to their love, she was terrified to see that she was of so little account in his life while he was everything in hers. She said to herself in terror that she was to him a three days' fancy and that he had been to her the dream of a whole life.
There were many times when Indiana was captivated by such a stunning display; but she immediately told herself, sadly, that she craved happiness, not fame. She wondered in distress if this man, for whom life held so many different facets and so many captivating interests, could fully focus on her and give up all his ambitions for her. And while he defended, step by step, with such bravery and skill, such passion and composure, ideas that were purely theoretical and interests entirely unrelated to their love, she was terrified to realize how little she meant to him while he was everything to her. She thought with dread that to him, she was just a passing fancy, while he had been the dream of her entire life.
When he offered her his arm as they were leaving the salon, he whispered a few words of love in her ear; but she answered sadly:
When he offered her his arm as they were leaving the salon, he whispered a few words of love in her ear; but she replied sadly:
"You have a great mind!"
"You have an amazing mind!"
Raymon understood the reproof and passed the whole of the following day at Madame Delmare's feet. The other guests, being engrossed by their hunting, left them entirely to themselves.
Raymon understood the criticism and spent the entire next day at Madame Delmare's feet. The other guests, being absorbed in their hunting, left them completely alone.
Raymon was eloquent; Indiana had such a craving to believe, that half of his eloquence was wasted. Women of France, you do not know what a creole is; you would undoubtedly have yielded less readily to conviction, for you are not the ones to be deceived or betrayed!
Raymon was articulate; Indiana had such a strong desire to believe that much of his eloquence was wasted. Women of France, you have no idea what a creole is; you would definitely have been less easily convinced, because you are not the ones to be fooled or let down!
XIII
When Sir Ralph returned from hunting and as usual felt Madame Delmare's pulse, Raymon, who was watching him closely, detected an almost imperceptible expression of surprise and pleasure on his placid features. And then, in obedience to some mysterious secret impulse, the two men looked at each other, and Sir Ralph's light eyes, fastened like an owl's upon Raymon's black ones, forced them to look down. During the rest of the day the baronet's manner toward Madame Delmare, beneath his apparent imperturbability, was keenly observant, indicative of something which might be called interest or solicitude if his face had been capable of reflecting a decided sentiment. But Raymon exerted himself in vain to discover if fear or hope were uppermost in his thoughts; Ralph was impenetrable.
When Sir Ralph came back from hunting and, as usual, checked Madame Delmare's pulse, Raymon, who was watching him closely, noticed a nearly imperceptible expression of surprise and pleasure on his calm face. Then, following some mysterious and secret impulse, the two men locked eyes, and Sir Ralph's light eyes, fixed like an owl's on Raymon's dark ones, made Raymon look down. Throughout the rest of the day, the baronet's behavior toward Madame Delmare, despite his outward calmness, was observant, suggesting something like interest or concern, if his face had been able to show a clear emotion. But Raymon struggled in vain to figure out whether fear or hope dominated Ralph's thoughts; Ralph remained unreadable.
Suddenly, as he stood a few steps behind Madame Delmare's chair, he heard her cousin say to her in an undertone:
Suddenly, as he stood a few steps behind Madame Delmare’s chair, he heard her cousin say to her in a low voice:
"You would do well, cousin, to go out in the saddle to-morrow."
"You should definitely go out on horseback tomorrow, cousin."
"Why, I have no horse just now, as you know," she said.
"Well, I don’t have a horse right now, as you know," she said.
"We will find one for you. Will you hunt with us?"
"We'll find one for you. Will you join us for the hunt?"
Madame Delmare resorted to various pretexts to escape. Raymon understood that she preferred to remain with him, but he thought at the same time that her cousin seemed to display extraordinary persistence in preventing her from doing so. So he left the persons with whom he was talking, walked up to her and joined Sir Ralph in urging her to go. He had a feeling of bitter resentment against this importunate chaperon, and determined to tire out his watchfulness.
Madame Delmare came up with different excuses to get away. Raymon realized that she would rather stay with him, but he also noticed that her cousin was being unusually persistent in keeping her from doing that. So, he left the people he was talking to, walked over to her, and joined Sir Ralph in encouraging her to leave. He felt a deep annoyance towards this overly eager chaperone and decided to outlast her vigilance.
"If you will agree to follow the hunt," he said to Indiana, "you will embolden me to follow your example, madame. I care little for hunting; but to have the privilege of being your esquire——"
"If you agree to join the hunt," he said to Indiana, "you'll inspire me to follow your lead, madam. I don't care much for hunting; but having the chance to be your squire——"
"In that case I will go," replied Indiana, heedlessly.
"In that case, I'm going," Indiana replied, not paying much attention.
She exchanged a meaning glance with Raymon; but, swift as it was, Sir Ralph caught it on the wing, and Raymon was unable, during the rest of the evening, to glance at her or address her without encountering Monsieur Brown's eyes or ears. A feeling of aversion, almost of jealousy, arose in his heart. By what right did this cousin, this friend of the family, assume to act as a school-master with the woman whom he loved! He swore that Sir Ralph should repent, and he sought an opportunity to insult him without compromising Madame Delmare; but that was impossible. Sir Ralph did the honors of his establishment with a cold and dignified courtesy which offered no handle for an epigram or a contradiction.
She shared a meaningful glance with Raymon; but, quick as it was, Sir Ralph caught it and Raymon couldn’t look at her or speak to her for the rest of the evening without running into Monsieur Brown's watchful eyes and ears. A feeling of dislike, almost jealousy, stirred in him. By what right did this cousin, this family friend, act like a teacher with the woman he loved? He vowed that Sir Ralph would regret it, and he looked for a chance to insult him without putting Madame Delmare in a difficult position; but that was impossible. Sir Ralph hosted his gathering with a cold and dignified politeness that gave no opportunity for a clever remark or disagreement.
The next morning, before the rising-bell had rung, Raymon was surprised to see his host's solemn face enter his room. There was something even stiffer than usual in his manner, and Raymon felt his heart beat fast with longing and impatience at the prospect of a challenge. But he came simply to talk about a horse which Raymon had brought to Bellerive and had expressed a desire to sell. The bargain was concluded in five minutes; Sir Ralph made no objection to the price but produced a rouleau of gold from his pocket and counted down the amount on the mantel with a coolness of manner that was altogether extraordinary, not deigning to pay any heed to Raymon's remonstrances concerning such scrupulous promptness. As he was leaving the room, he turned back to say:
The next morning, before the wake-up bell had rung, Raymon was surprised to see his host's serious face come into his room. There was an even stiffer air about him than usual, and Raymon felt his heart race with excitement and anticipation at the chance of a challenge. But he was there just to talk about a horse that Raymon had brought to Bellerive and wanted to sell. The deal was done in five minutes; Sir Ralph had no objections to the price and pulled out a roll of gold from his pocket, counting out the amount on the mantel with an astonishing calmness, ignoring Raymon's protests about such exactness. As he was leaving the room, he turned back to say:
"Monsieur, the horse belongs to me from this morning!"
"Mister, the horse is mine from this morning!"
At that Raymon fancied that he could detect a purpose to prevent him from hunting, and he observed dryly that he did not propose to follow the hunt on foot.
At that moment, Raymon felt that there was an intention to stop him from hunting, and he remarked dryly that he had no plans to pursue the hunt on foot.
"Monsieur," replied Sir Ralph, with a slight trace of affectation, "I am too well versed in the laws of hospitality."
"Monsieur," replied Sir Ralph, with a hint of pretentiousness, "I know the rules of hospitality all too well."
And he withdrew.
And he stepped back.
On going down into the courtyard Raymon saw Madame Delmare in her riding-habit, playing merrily with Ophelia, who was tearing her handkerchief. Her cheeks had taken on a faint rosy tinge, her eyes shone with a brilliancy that had long been absent from them. She had already recovered her beauty; her curly black hair escaped from beneath her little hat, in which she was charming; and the cloth habit buttoned to the chin outlined her slender, graceful figure. The principal charm of the creoles, to my mind, consists in the fact that the excessive delicacy of their features and their proportions enables them to retain for a long while the daintiness of childhood. Indiana, in her gay and laughing mood, seemed to be no more than fourteen.
On his way down to the courtyard, Raymon saw Madame Delmare in her riding outfit, happily playing with Ophelia, who was tearing her handkerchief. Her cheeks had a faint rosy hue, and her eyes sparkled with a brightness that had been missing for a while. She had already regained her beauty; her curly black hair peeked out from under her little hat, which suited her perfectly, and the riding outfit buttoned up to her chin showed off her slim, graceful figure. To me, the main appeal of Creole women is that the delicate features and proportions help them hold onto the sweetness of childhood for a long time. Indiana, in her cheerful and playful mood, looked no older than fourteen.
Raymon, impressed by her charms, felt a thrill of triumph and paid her the least insipid compliment he could invent upon her beauty.
Raymon, captivated by her allure, felt a rush of victory and gave her the most bland compliment he could come up with about her beauty.
"You were anxious about my health," she said to him in an undertone; "do you not see that I long to live?" He could not reply otherwise than by a happy, grateful glance. Sir Ralph himself brought his cousin her horse; Raymon recognized the one he had just sold.
"You were worried about my health," she said to him softly; "can’t you see how much I want to live?" He could only respond with a happy, grateful look. Sir Ralph himself brought his cousin her horse; Raymon recognized the one he had just sold.
"What!" said Madame Delmare in amazement, for she had seen him trying the animal the day before in the courtyard, "is Monsieur de Ramière so polite as to lend me his horse?"
"What!" exclaimed Madame Delmare in surprise, since she had seen him testing the horse the day before in the courtyard, "is Monsieur de Ramière so kind as to lend me his horse?"
"Did you not admire the creature's beauty and docility yesterday?" said Sir Ralph; "he is yours from this moment. I am sorry, my dear, that I couldn't have given him to you sooner."
"Did you not admire the creature's beauty and gentleness yesterday?" said Sir Ralph; "he is yours from now on. I'm sorry, my dear, that I couldn't have given him to you earlier."
"You are growing facetious, cousin," said Madame Delmare; "I do not understand this joke at all. Whom am I to thank—Monsieur de Ramière, who consents to lend me his horse, or you, who perhaps asked him for it?"
"You’re being quite sarcastic, cousin," said Madame Delmare; "I don’t get this joke at all. Who should I thank—Monsieur de Ramière, who agreed to lend me his horse, or you, who might have asked him for it?"
"You must thank your cousin," said Monsieur Delmare, "who bought this horse for you and makes you a present of him."
"You need to thank your cousin," said Monsieur Delmare, "who bought this horse for you and is giving it to you as a gift."
"Is it really true, my dear Ralph?" said Madame Delmare, patting the pretty creature with the delight of a girl at receiving her first jewels.
"Is it really true, my dear Ralph?" said Madame Delmare, stroking the lovely creature with the joy of a girl receiving her first pieces of jewelry.
"Didn't we agree that I should give you a horse in exchange for the piece of embroidery you are doing for me? Come, mount him, have no fear. I have studied his disposition, and I tried him only this morning."
"Didn't we agree that I would give you a horse in exchange for the piece of embroidery you're making for me? Come on, get on him, don't be afraid. I've assessed his temperament, and I just rode him this morning."
Indiana threw her arms around Sir Ralph's neck, then leaped upon Raymon's horse and fearlessly made him prance.
Indiana wrapped her arms around Sir Ralph's neck, then jumped onto Raymon's horse and confidently made him prance.
This whole domestic scene took place in a corner of the courtyard before Raymon's eyes. He was conscious of a paroxysm of violent anger when the simple and trustful affection of those two displayed itself before him; passionately in love as he was and with less than a whole day in which to have Indiana to himself.
This entire domestic scene happened in a corner of the courtyard in front of Raymon. He felt a surge of intense anger when he saw the genuine and trusting affection between those two; he was deeply in love and had less than a whole day to have Indiana all to himself.
"How happy I am!" she said, calling him to her side on the avenue. "It seems my dear Ralph divined what gift would be most precious to me. And aren't you happy too, Raymon, to see the horse you have ridden pass into my hands? Oh! how I will love him and care for him! What do you call him? Tell me; for I prefer not to take away the name you gave him."
"How happy I am!" she said, waving him over to her on the street. "It looks like my dear Ralph guessed what gift would mean the most to me. And aren’t you happy too, Raymon, to see the horse you rode come into my care? Oh! How I will love him and take care of him! What do you call him? Please tell me; I’d rather not take away the name you gave him."
"If there is a happy man here," rejoined Raymon, "it should be your cousin, who gives you presents and whom you kiss so heartily."
"If there's a happy guy here," Raymon replied, "it should be your cousin, who gives you gifts and whom you kiss so warmly."
"Are you really jealous of our friendship and of those loud smacks?" she said with a laugh.
"Are you actually jealous of our friendship and those loud kisses?" she said with a laugh.
"Jealous? perhaps so, Indiana; I am not sure. But when that red-cheeked young cousin puts his lips to yours, when he takes you in his arms to seat you on the horse that he gives you and I sell you, I confess that I suffer. No, madame, I am not happy to see you the mistress of the horse I loved. I can understand that one might be happy in giving him to you; but to play the tradesman in order to provide another with the means of making himself agreeable to you, is a very cleverly managed humiliation on Sir Ralph's part. If I did not believe that all this cunning was quite involuntary, I would like to be revenged on him."
"Jealous? Maybe, Indiana; I'm not sure. But when that red-cheeked young cousin kisses you, when he holds you in his arms to put you on the horse that he gives you and I sell you, I have to admit that I feel pain. No, madame, I'm not happy to see you as the owner of the horse I loved. I can understand how someone could be happy to give him to you; but to act as a middleman just to help someone else charm you is a pretty clever humiliation on Sir Ralph's part. If I didn't think all this scheming was completely unintentional, I'd want to get back at him."
"Oh! fie! this jealousy is not becoming to you! How can our commonplace intimacy arouse any feeling in you, in you who should be, so far as I am concerned, outside of the common life of mankind and should create for me a world of enchantment—in you of all men! I am displeased with you already, Raymon; I perceive that there is something like wounded self-esteem in this angry feeling displayed toward this poor cousin. It seems to me that you are more jealous of the lukewarm preference which I display for him in public than of the exclusive affection which I might secretly entertain for another."
"Oh! Come on! This jealousy doesn't suit you! How can our ordinary friendship stir any feelings in you, especially since, as far as I'm concerned, you should be above the everyday lives of people and create a world of magic for me—in you of all people! I'm already frustrated with you, Raymon; I notice there's something like hurt pride behind this anger toward this poor cousin. It seems to me that you're more jealous of the mild interest I show him in public than of the special feelings I might secretly have for someone else."
"Forgive me, forgive me, Indiana, I am wrong! I am not worthy of you, angel of goodness and gentleness! but I confess that I have suffered cruelly because of the right that man has seemed to assume."
"Please forgive me, Indiana, I was wrong! I don’t deserve you, angel of kindness and tenderness! But I admit that I have suffered painfully because of the authority that man has seemed to take for granted."
"He assume rights, Raymon! Do you not know what sacred gratitude binds us to him? do you not know that his mother was my mother's sister? that we were born in the same valley; that in our early years he was my protector; that he was my mainstay, my only teacher, my only companion at Ile Bourbon; that he has followed me everywhere; that he left the country which I left, to come and live where I lived; in a word, that he is the only being who loves me and who takes any interest in my life?"
"He takes rights, Raymon! Don’t you realize what sacred gratitude connects us to him? Don’t you know that his mother was my mother’s sister? That we were born in the same valley; that in our early years he was my protector; that he was my support, my only teacher, my only companion in Ile Bourbon; that he has followed me everywhere; that he left the country I left to come live where I lived; in short, that he is the only person who loves me and cares about my life?"
"Curse him! all that you tell me, Indiana, inflames the wound. So he loves you very dearly, does this Englishman, eh? Do you know how I love you?"
"Curse him! Everything you’re telling me, Indiana, just makes the wound worse. So this Englishman really loves you, huh? Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
"Oh! let us not compare the two. If an attachment of the same nature made you rivals, I should owe the preference to the one of longer standing. But have no fear, Raymon, that I shall ever ask you to love me as Ralph loves me."
"Oh! let's not compare the two. If having the same feelings makes you rivals, I should favor the one who's been around longer. But don’t worry, Raymon, I will never ask you to love me like Ralph loves me."
"Tell me about the man, I beg you; for who can penetrate his stone mask?"
"Tell me about the man, please; because who can see through his tough exterior?"
"Must I do the honors for my cousin?" she said with a smile. "I confess that I do not altogether like the idea of describing him; I love him so dearly that I would like to flatter him; as he is, I am afraid that you will not find him a very noble figure. Do try to help me; come, how does he seem to you?"
"Do I have to introduce my cousin?" she said with a smile. "Honestly, I'm not completely comfortable talking about him; I care for him so much that I'd rather praise him. As he is, I worry you won't see him in the best light. Please help me out; come on, what do you think of him?"
"His face—forgive me if I wound you—indicates absolute nonentity; but there are signs of good sense and education in his conversation when he deigns to speak; but he speaks so hesitatingly, so coldly, that no one profits by his knowledge, his delivery is so depressing and tiresome. And then there is something commonplace and dull in his thoughts which is not redeemed by measured purity of expression. I think that his is a mind imbued with all the ideas that have been suggested to him, but too apathetic and too mediocre to have any of his own. He is just the sort of man that one must be to be looked upon in society as a serious-minded person. His gravity forms three-fourths of his merit, his indifference the rest."
"His face—sorry if that offends you—shows complete blankness; but there are signs of good sense and education in his conversations when he actually decides to speak. However, he talks so hesitantly and coldly that no one benefits from his knowledge; his delivery is just so depressing and tedious. Plus, there's something ordinary and dull in his thoughts that isn't saved by a clear way of expressing them. I believe his mind is filled with all the ideas that have been suggested to him, but he’s too apathetic and mediocre to come up with any of his own. He’s exactly the kind of person who needs to be in order to be seen as serious-minded in society. His seriousness makes up three-quarters of his value, and his indifference accounts for the rest."
"There is some truth in your portrait," said Indiana, "but there is prejudice too. You boldly solve doubts which I should not dare to solve, although I have known Ralph ever since I was born. It is true that his great defect consists in looking frequently through the eyes of others; but that is not the fault of his mind but of his education. You think that, without education, he would have been an absolute nonentity; I think that he would have been less so than he is. I must tell you one fact in his life which will help to explain his character. He was unfortunate to have a brother whom his parents openly preferred to him; this brother had all the brilliant qualities that he lacks. He learned easily, he had a taste for all the arts, he fairly sparkled with wit; his face, while less regular than Ralph's, was more expressive. He was affectionate, zealous, active, in a word, he was lovable. Ralph, on the contrary, was awkward, melancholy, undemonstrative; he loved solitude, learned slowly and did not make a display of what little knowledge he possessed. When his parents saw how different he was from his older brother, they maltreated him; they did worse than that: they humiliated him. Thereupon, child as he was, his character became gloomy and pensive and an unconquerable timidity paralyzed all his faculties. They had succeeded in inspiring in him self-aversion and self-contempt; he became discouraged with life, and, at the age of fifteen, he was attacked by the spleen, a malady that is wholly physical under the foggy sky of England, wholly mental under the revivifying sky of Ile Bourbon. He has often told me that one day he left the house with a determination to throw himself into the sea; but as he sat on the shore collecting his thoughts, as he was on the point of carrying out his plan, he saw me coming toward him in the arms of the negress who had been my nurse. I was then five years old. I was pretty, they say, and I manifested a predilection for my taciturn cousin which nobody shared. To be sure, he was attentive and kind to me in a way I was not accustomed to in my father's house. As we were both unhappy, we understood each other even then. He taught me his father's language, and I lisped mine to him. This blending of Spanish and English may be said to express Ralph's character. When I threw my arms around his neck, I saw that he was weeping, and, without knowing why, I began to weep too. Thereupon he pressed me to his heart and, so he told me afterward, made a vow to live for me, a neglected if not hated child, to whom his friendship would at all events be a kindness and his life of some benefit. Thus I was the first and only tie in his sad life. After that day we were hardly ever apart; we passed our days leading a free and healthy life in the solitude of the mountains. But perhaps these tales of our childhood bore you, and you would prefer to join the hunt and have a gallop."
"There’s some truth in your portrayal," said Indiana, "but there’s bias too. You confidently resolve doubts that I wouldn’t dare to tackle, even though I’ve known Ralph since I was born. It’s true that his biggest flaw is that he often sees the world through other people’s eyes, but that’s not due to his mind; it’s his upbringing. You believe that without that education, he would have been completely irrelevant; I think he would have been less so than he is now. I need to mention one fact about his life that will help explain his character. He was unfortunate to have a brother who was openly favored by their parents; this brother had all the qualities Ralph lacks. He learned easily, had a knack for the arts, and was full of wit; his face, while less symmetrical than Ralph's, was more expressive. He was affectionate, eager, active—in short, he was lovable. Ralph, on the other hand, was awkward, gloomy, and reserved; he preferred solitude, learned slowly, and didn’t show off the little knowledge he had. When their parents saw how different he was from his older brother, they mistreated him; they did worse: they humiliated him. Consequently, even as a child, his character became dark and reflective, and an overwhelming shyness paralyzed all his abilities. They managed to instill in him self-hatred and self-contempt; he became disheartened with life, and by the age of fifteen, he was struck by melancholy, a condition that is purely physical under the gloomy skies of England, yet entirely mental under the revitalizing sun of Ile Bourbon. He often told me that one day he left the house determined to throw himself into the sea; but as he sat on the shore gathering his thoughts, just as he was about to follow through with his plan, he saw me approaching in the arms of the Black nurse who had looked after me. I was five years old then. I was said to be pretty and I showed a special affection for my quiet cousin that nobody else did. He was, indeed, attentive and kind to me in ways I wasn’t used to at my father’s house. Since we were both unhappy, we connected even then. He taught me his father’s language, and I spoke mine to him. This mix of Spanish and English could be seen as a reflection of Ralph’s character. When I wrapped my arms around his neck, I noticed he was crying, and without understanding why, I started to cry too. Then he held me close and, as he later told me, made a vow to live for me, a neglected if not unloved child, for whom his friendship would always be a kindness and his life somewhat beneficial. So I became the first and only bond in his sorrowful life. After that day, we were hardly ever apart; we spent our days living freely and healthily in the solitude of the mountains. But perhaps these stories of our childhood don’t interest you, and you’d rather join the hunt and go for a ride."
"Foolish girl," said Raymon, seizing the bridle of Madame Delmare's horse.
"Foolish girl," Raymon said, grabbing the reins of Madame Delmare's horse.
"Very well, I will go on," said she. "Edmond Brown, Ralph's older brother, died at the age of twenty; his mother also died of grief, and his father was inconsolable. Ralph would have been glad to mitigate his sorrow, but the coldness with which Monsieur Brown greeted his first attempts increased his natural timidity. He passed whole hours in melancholy silence beside that heartbroken old man, not daring to proffer a word or a caress, he was so afraid that his consolation would seem misplaced or trivial. His father accused him of lack of feeling, and Edmond's death left Ralph more wretched and more misunderstood than ever. I was his only consolation."
"Alright, I'll continue," she said. "Edmond Brown, Ralph's older brother, passed away at twenty. His mother also died from grief, and his father was heartbroken. Ralph wanted to help ease his pain, but the coldness with which Monsieur Brown responded to his first attempts made Ralph even more timid. He spent hours in sorrowful silence next to that devastated old man, too afraid to say a word or offer a hug, worried that his attempts to comfort him would seem out of place or trivial. His father accused him of being insensitive, and Edmond's death left Ralph feeling even more miserable and misunderstood than before. I was his only source of comfort."
"I cannot pity him, whatever you may do," Raymon interrupted; "but there is one thing in his life and yours that I cannot understand: it is that you never married."
"I can't feel sorry for him, no matter what you do," Raymon interrupted, "but there's one thing about his life and yours that I just don't get: it's that you never got married."
"I can give you a very good reason for that," she replied. "When I reached a marriageable age, Ralph, who was ten years older than I—an enormous difference in our climate, where the childhood of girls is so brief—Ralph, I say, was already married."
"I can give you a really good reason for that," she said. "When I was old enough to get married, Ralph, who was ten years older than me—such a big difference in our time, where girls grow up so quickly—Ralph, I mean, was already married."
"Is Sir Ralph a widower? I never heard anyone mention his wife."
"Is Sir Ralph single? I've never heard anyone talk about his wife."
"Never mention her to him. She was young and rich and lovely, but she had been in love with Edmond—she had been betrothed to him; and when, in order to serve family interests and family sentiment, she was made to marry Ralph, she did not so much as try to conceal her aversion for him. He was obliged to go to England with her, and when he returned to Ile Bourbon after his wife's death, I was married to Monsieur Delmare and just about to start for Europe. Ralph tried to live alone, but solitude aggravated his misery. Although he has never mentioned Mistress Ralph Brown to me, I have every reason to believe that he was even more unhappy in his married life than he had been in his father's house, and that his natural melancholy was increased by recent and painful memories. He was attacked with the spleen again; whereupon he sold his coffee plantation and came to France to settle down. His manner of introducing himself to my husband was original, and would have made me laugh if my good Ralph's attachment had not touched me deeply. 'Monsieur,' he said, 'I love your wife; it was I who brought her up; I look upon her as my sister and even more as my daughter. She is my only remaining relative and the only person to whom I am attached. Allow me to establish myself near you and let us three pass our lives together. They say that you are a little jealous of your wife, but they say also that you are a man of honor and uprightness. When I tell you that I have never had any other than brotherly love for her, and that I shall never have, you can regard me with as little anxiety as if I were really your brother-in-law. Isn't it so, monsieur?' Monsieur Delmare, who is very proud of his reputation for soldierly frankness, greeted this outspoken declaration with a sort of ostentatious confidence. But several months of careful watching were necessary before that confidence became as genuine as he boasted that it was. Now it is as impregnable as Ralph's steadfast and pacific heart."
"Never mention her to him. She was young, wealthy, and beautiful, but she had loved Edmond—she was engaged to him; and when, for the sake of family interests and expectations, she was forced to marry Ralph, she didn’t even try to hide her dislike for him. He had to go to England with her, and when he returned to Ile Bourbon after her death, I was married to Monsieur Delmare and about to head to Europe. Ralph attempted to live alone, but being alone only worsened his suffering. Although he never mentioned Mistress Ralph Brown to me, I believe he was even unhappier in his marriage than he had been in his father's home, and that his natural sadness was intensified by recent painful memories. He fell ill again, so he sold his coffee plantation and came to France to settle down. His way of introducing himself to my husband was unique and would have made me laugh if Ralph's affection hadn’t moved me deeply. 'Monsieur,' he said, 'I love your wife; I raised her; I see her as my sister and even more as my daughter. She is my only remaining family and the only person I am attached to. Please let me live near you so the three of us can spend our lives together. They say you're a bit jealous of your wife, but they also say you are a man of honor and integrity. When I tell you that I’ve only ever had brotherly love for her and that I always will, you can regard me with just as little worry as if I really were your brother-in-law. Isn’t that right, monsieur?' Monsieur Delmare, who takes great pride in his reputation for straightforwardness, responded to this candid declaration with a show of confidence. However, it took several months of careful observation before that confidence became as genuine as he claimed. Now it is as solid as Ralph’s unwavering and peaceful heart."
"Are you perfectly sure, Indiana," said Raymon, "that Sir Ralph is not deceiving himself the least bit in the world when he swears that he never loved you?"
"Are you absolutely sure, Indiana," said Raymon, "that Sir Ralph isn't fooling himself even a little when he insists that he never loved you?"
"I was twelve years old when he left Ile Bourbon to go with his wife to England; I was sixteen when he returned to find me married, and he manifested more joy than sorrow. Now, Ralph is really an old man."
"I was twelve years old when he left Ile Bourbon to move to England with his wife; I was sixteen when he came back to find me married, and he showed more happiness than sadness. Now, Ralph is truly an old man."
"At twenty-nine?"
"At 29?"
"Don't laugh at what I say. His face is young, but his heart is worn out by suffering, and he no longer loves anybody, in order to avoid suffering."
"Don’t laugh at what I’m saying. His face is young, but his heart is tired from all the suffering, and he doesn’t love anyone anymore to avoid getting hurt."
"Not even you?"
"Not even you?"
"Not even me. His friendship is simply a matter of habit; it was generous in the old days when he took upon himself to protect and educate my childhood, and then I loved him as he loves me to-day because of the need I had of him. To-day my whole heart is bent upon paying my debt to him, and my life is passed in trying to beautify and enliven his. But, when I was a child, I loved him with the instinct rather than with the heart, and he, now that he is a man, loves me less with the heart than with the instinct. I am necessary to him because I am almost alone in loving him; and to-day, as Monsieur Delmare manifests some attachment to him, he is almost as fond of him as of me. His protection, formerly so fearless in face of my father's despotism, has become lukewarm and cautious in face of my husband's. He never reproaches himself because I suffer, provided that I am near him. He does not ask himself if I am unhappy; it is enough for him to see that I am alive. He does not choose to lend me a support, which, while it would make my lot less cruel, would disturb his serenity by making trouble between him and Monsieur Delmare. By dint of hearing himself say again and again that his heart is dry, he has persuaded himself that it is true, and his heart has withered in the inaction in which he has allowed it to fall asleep from distrust. He is a man whom the affection of another person might have developed; but it was withdrawn from him and he shrivelled up. Now he asserts that happiness consists in repose, pleasure, in the comforts of life. He asks no questions about cares that he has not. I must say the word: Ralph is selfish."
"Not even me. His friendship is just a habit; it used to be generous when he took the time to protect and guide my childhood, and I loved him as he loves me today because I needed him. Right now, my whole heart is focused on repaying my debt to him, and my life is spent trying to make his better and brighter. But when I was a child, I loved him more instinctively than from the heart, and now that he’s an adult, he loves me less from the heart and more as a matter of instinct. I’m important to him because I’m almost the only one who loves him, and now that Monsieur Delmare shows some attachment to him, he’s almost as fond of him as he is of me. His protection, which used to be fearless against my father's tyranny, has become hesitant and careful when it comes to my husband. He never blames himself for my suffering as long as I’m close by. He doesn’t wonder if I’m unhappy; it’s enough for him to see that I’m alive. He won’t give me the support that would make my life easier, as it would stir up trouble between him and Monsieur Delmare, disturbing his peace. By constantly telling himself that his heart is empty, he’s convinced himself it’s true, and his heart has dried up from the inaction he's allowed it to fall into due to distrust. He’s a man whom someone else's affection could have helped grow, but that affection was taken away, and he withered. Now he insists that happiness is about rest, and pleasure comes from the comforts of life. He doesn’t ask about worries he doesn’t have. I have to say it: Ralph is selfish."
"Very good, so much the better," said Raymon; "I am no longer afraid of him; indeed I will love him if you wish."
"That's great, even better," said Raymon; "I'm no longer afraid of him; in fact, I'll love him if that's what you want."
"Yes, love him, Raymon," she replied; "he will appreciate it; and, so far as we are concerned, let us never trouble ourselves to explain why people love us, but how they love us. Happy the man who can be loved, no matter for what reason!"
"Yes, love him, Raymon," she said; "he will appreciate it; and as far as we’re concerned, let’s never worry about explaining why people love us, but how they love us. Lucky is the man who can be loved, no matter the reason!"
"What you say, Indiana," replied Raymon, grasping her slender, willowy form, "is the lament of a sad and solitary heart; but, in my case, I want you to know both why and how, especially why."
"What you’re saying, Indiana," Raymon replied, holding her slender, graceful figure, "is the cry of a sad and lonely heart; but in my case, I want you to understand both the reason and the way, especially the reason."
"To give me happiness, is it not?" she said, with a sad but passionate glance.
"To make me happy, right?" she said, with a sad yet intense look.
"To give you my life," said Raymon, brushing Indiana's floating hair with his lips.
"To share my life with you," said Raymon, gently kissing Indiana's floating hair.
A blast upon the horn near by warned them to be on their guard; it was Sir Ralph, who saw them or did not see them.
A loud horn blast nearby warned them to stay alert; it was Sir Ralph, who either saw them or didn’t.
XIV
Raymon was amazed at what seemed to take place in Indiana's being as soon as the hounds were away. Her eyes gleamed, her cheeks flushed, the dilation of her nostrils betrayed an indefinable thrill of fear or pleasure, and suddenly, driving her spurs into her horse's side, she left him and galloped after Ralph. Raymon did not know that hunting was the only passion that Ralph and Indiana had in common. Nor did he suspect that in that frail and apparently timid woman there abode a more than masculine courage, that sort of delirious intrepidity which sometimes manifests itself like a nervous paroxysm in the feeblest creatures. Women rarely have the physical courage which consists in offering the resistance of inertia to pain or danger; but they often have the moral courage which attains its climax in peril or suffering. Indiana's delicate fibres delighted above all things in the tumult, the rapid movement and the excitement of the chase, that miniature image of war with its fatigues, its stratagems, its calculations, its hazards and its battles. Her dull, ennui-laden life needed this excitement; at such times she seemed to wake from a lethargy and to expend in one day all the energy that she had left to ferment uselessly in her blood for a whole year.
Raymon was astonished by the transformation that seemed to happen in Indiana as soon as the hounds took off. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks flushed, and the flaring of her nostrils revealed an indescribable mix of fear and excitement. Suddenly, she kicked her horse’s sides and raced after Ralph. Raymon had no idea that hunting was the only shared passion between Ralph and Indiana. He also didn't realize that behind Indiana's delicate and seemingly timid exterior lay a courage that surpassed that of a man, a kind of wild bravery that could erupt like a nervous fit in the most fragile beings. Women may not always possess the physical courage to resist pain or danger, but they often display moral courage that peaks in times of danger or suffering. Indiana thrived on the chaos, the swift movement, and the thrill of the hunt, which mirrored the struggles of war with its exhaustion, strategies, calculations, risks, and battles. Her monotonous, tedious life craved this excitement; during these moments, she seemed to break free from a stupor, pouring out more energy in a single day than she had let build up in her veins over an entire year.
Raymon was terrified to see her ride away so fast, abandoning herself fearlessly to the impetuous spirit of a horse that she hardly knew, rushing him through the thickets, avoiding with amazing skill the branches that lashed at her face as they sprang back, leaping ditches without hesitation, venturing confidently on clayey, slippery ground, heedless of the risk of breaking her slender limbs, but eager to be first on the smoking scent of the boar. So much determination alarmed him and nearly disgusted him with Madame Delmare. Men, especially lovers, are addicted to the innocent fatuity of preferring to protect weakness rather than to admire courage in womankind. Shall I confess it? Raymon was terrified at the promise of high spirit and tenacity in love which such intrepidity seemed to afford. It was not like the resignation of poor Noun, who preferred to drown herself rather than to contend against her misfortunes.
Raymon was scared to see her ride away so quickly, throwing herself fearlessly into the reckless spirit of a horse she barely knew, pushing him through the underbrush, skillfully avoiding the branches that whipped at her face as they snapped back, jumping ditches without a second thought, confidently navigating the muddy, slippery ground, completely unaware of the risk of breaking her delicate limbs, but eager to be the first to catch the scent of the boar. Her determination shocked him and almost disgusted him with Madame Delmare. Men, especially lovers, tend to cling to the naive idea of protecting weakness rather than admiring strength in women. Should I admit it? Raymon was frightened by the promise of boldness and resilience in love that such fearlessness seemed to suggest. It was nothing like the resignation of poor Noun, who would rather drown than fight against her struggles.

THE BOAR HUNT
THE BOAR HUNT
Raymon was terrified to see her ride away so fast, abandoning herself fearlessly to the impetuous spirit of a horse that she hardly knew, rushing him through the thickets, avoiding with amazing skill the branches that lashed at her face as they sprang back, leaping ditches without hesitation, venturing confidently on clayey, slippery ground, heedless of the risk of breaking her slender limbs, but eager to be first on the smoking scent of the boar.
Raymon was scared to see her take off so quickly, fearlessly entrusting herself to the wild spirit of a horse she barely knew, whisking him through the bushes, skillfully dodging the branches that whipped at her face as they snapped back, leaping over ditches without a second thought, confidently moving across the muddy, slippery ground, disregarding the chance of injuring her slender limbs, but eager to be first on the fresh trail of the boar.
"If there's as much vigor and excitement in her tenderness as there is in her diversions," he thought; "if her will clings to me, fierce and palpitating, as her caprice clings to that boar's quarters, why society will impose no fetters on her, the law will have no force; my destiny will have to succumb and I shall have to sacrifice my future to her present."
"If her tenderness carries as much energy and excitement as her fun does," he thought, "if her will is as fiercely attached to me, throbbing, as her whims are to that boar's quarters, then society won't be able to restrain her, the law won't matter; my fate will have to yield, and I'll have to give up my future for her present."
Cries of terror and distress, among which he could distinguish Madame Delmare's voice, roused Raymon from these reflections. He anxiously urged his horse forward and was soon overtaken by Ralph, who asked him if he had heard the outcries.
Cries of fear and panic, among which he recognized Madame Delmare's voice, pulled Raymon from his thoughts. He nervously spurred his horse onward and was soon caught up by Ralph, who asked him if he had heard the screams.
At that moment several terrified whippers-in rode up to them, crying out confusedly that the boar had charged and overthrown Madame Delmare. Other huntsmen, in still greater dismay, appeared, calling for Sir Ralph, whose surgical skill was required by the injured person.
At that moment, several frightened whippers-in rode up to them, yelling that the boar had attacked and knocked down Madame Delmare. Other huntsmen, looking even more distressed, showed up, asking for Sir Ralph, whose medical skills were needed for the injured woman.
"It's of no use," said a late arrival. "There is no hope, your help will be too late."
"It's pointless," said someone who arrived late. "There's no hope, your help will come too late."
In that moment of horror, Raymon's eyes fell upon the pale, gloomy features of Monsieur Brown. He did not cry out, he did not foam at the mouth, he did not wring his hands; he simply took out his hunting-knife and with a sang-froid truly English was preparing to cut his own throat, when Raymon snatched the weapon from him and hurried him in the direction from which the cries came.
In that moment of terror, Raymon's gaze landed on the pale, somber face of Monsieur Brown. He didn’t scream, he didn’t salivate, he didn’t wring his hands; he simply took out his hunting knife and, with a truly English calmness, was about to cut his own throat when Raymon grabbed the weapon from him and rushed him toward the source of the cries.
Ralph felt as if he were waking from a dream when he saw Madame Delmare rush to meet him and urge him forward to the assistance of her husband, who lay on the ground, apparently lifeless. Sir Ralph made haste to bleed him; for he had speedily satisfied himself that he was not dead; but his leg was broken and he was taken to the château.
Ralph felt like he was waking up from a dream when he saw Madame Delmare hurry to meet him and push him to help her husband, who was lying on the ground, seemingly unconscious. Sir Ralph quickly got to work to help him; he had realized right away that the man wasn't dead, but his leg was broken, and he was taken to the château.
As for Madame Delmare, in the confusion her name had been substituted by accident for that of her husband, or perhaps Ralph and Raymon had erroneously thought that they heard the name in which they were most interested.
As for Madame Delmare, in the confusion, her name had accidentally been switched with her husband’s, or maybe Ralph and Raymon mistakenly thought they heard the name they were most interested in.
Indiana was uninjured, but her fright and consternation had almost taken away her power of locomotion. Raymon supported her in his arms and was reconciled to her womanly heart when he saw how deeply affected she was by the misfortune of a husband whom she had much to forgive before pitying him.
Indiana was unhurt, but her fear and shock had nearly paralyzed her. Raymon held her in his arms and felt a sense of understanding for her emotional turmoil when he realized how deeply she was impacted by the troubles of a husband she had a lot to forgive before she could feel sorry for him.
Sir Ralph had already recovered his accustomed tranquillity; but an extraordinary pallor revealed the violent shock he had experienced; he had nearly lost one of the two human beings whom he loved.
Sir Ralph had already regained his usual calmness; however, an unusual paleness showed the intense shock he had gone through; he had almost lost one of the two people he loved.
Raymon, who alone, in that moment of confusion and excitement, had retained sufficient presence of mind to understand what he saw, had been able to judge of Ralph's affection for his cousin, and how little it was balanced by his feeling for the colonel. This observation, which positively contradicted Indiana's opinion, did not depart from Raymon's memory as it did from that of the other witnesses of the scene.
Raymon, who at that moment of chaos and excitement had managed to keep his clear thinking, recognized what he was seeing. He could tell how much Ralph cared for his cousin and how little that feeling compared to his feelings for the colonel. This insight, which completely contradicted Indiana's view, stayed with Raymon while it faded from the memories of the other people who saw the scene.
However Raymon never mentioned to Madame Delmare the attempted suicide of which he had been a witness. In this ungenerous reserve there was a suggestion of selfishness and bad temper which you will forgive perhaps in view of the amorous jealousy which was responsible for it.
However, Raymon never told Madame Delmare about the suicide attempt he had witnessed. This unkind silence hinted at a bit of selfishness and bad temper, which you might overlook considering the love-related jealousy that caused it.
After six weeks the colonel was with much difficulty removed to Lagny; but it was more than six months thereafter before he could walk; for before the fractured femur was fairly reduced he had an acute attack of rheumatism in the injured leg, which condemned him to excruciating pain and absolute immobility. His wife lavished the most loving attentions upon him; she never left his bedside and endured without a complaint his bitter fault-finding humor, his soldier-like testiness and his invalid's injustice.
After six weeks, they managed to move the colonel to Lagny with a lot of difficulty; however, it took him more than six months after that to be able to walk again. Before the broken femur had properly healed, he suffered an intense bout of rheumatism in the injured leg, which left him in excruciating pain and completely unable to move. His wife showered him with love and care; she never left his side and endured his harsh criticism, soldier-like irritability, and unfair treatment without a single complaint.
Despite the ennui of such a depressing life, her health became robust and flourishing once more and happiness took up its abode in her heart. Raymon loved her, he really loved her. He came every day; he was discouraged by no difficulty in the way of seeing her, he bore with the infirmities of her husband, her cousin's coldness, the constraint of their interviews. A glance from him filled Indiana's heart with joy for a whole day. She no longer thought of complaining of life; her heart was full, her youthful nature had ample employment, her moral force had something to feed upon.
Despite the boredom of such a dreary life, her health became strong and thriving once again, and happiness settled in her heart. Raymon loved her, he truly loved her. He visited every day; he was undeterred by any obstacles that stood in his way to see her, enduring her husband's ailments, her cousin's indifference, and the awkwardness of their meetings. A single look from him filled Indiana's heart with joy for an entire day. She no longer complained about life; her heart was full, her youthful spirit had plenty to engage with, and her moral strength had something to draw from.
The colonel gradually came to feel very friendly to Raymon. He was simple enough to believe that his neighbor's assiduity in calling upon him was a proof of the interest he took in his health. Madame de Ramière also came occasionally, to sanction the liaison by her presence, and Indiana became warmly and passionately attached to Raymon's mother. At last the wife's lover became the husband's friend.
The colonel slowly started to feel very friendly toward Raymon. He was naive enough to think that his neighbor's persistent visits were a sign of genuine concern for his health. Madame de Ramière also visited now and then, making the relationship feel more legitimate with her presence, and Indiana grew deeply and passionately attached to Raymon's mother. Eventually, the wife's lover became the husband's friend.
As a result of being thus constantly thrown together, Raymon and Ralph perforce became intimate in a certain sense; they called each other "my dear fellow," they shook hands morning and night. If either of them desired to ask a slight favor of the other, the regular form was this: "I count upon your friendship," etc. And when they spoke of each other they said: "He is a friend of mine."
As a result of constantly being around each other, Raymon and Ralph naturally became close in a certain way; they called each other "my dear fellow," and they shook hands morning and night. If either of them wanted to ask for a small favor, they would say: "I count on your friendship," etc. And when they talked about each other, they would say: "He is a friend of mine."
But, although they were both as frank and outspoken as a man can be in the world, they were not at all fond of each other. They differed essentially in their opinions on every subject; they had no likes or dislikes in common; and, although they both loved Madame Delmare, they loved her in such a different way that that sentiment divided them instead of bringing them together. They found a singular pleasure in contradicting each other and in disturbing each other's equanimity as much as possible by reproaches which were none the less sharp and bitter because they took the form of generalities.
But even though they were both as honest and straightforward as anyone could be, they didn’t really like each other at all. They fundamentally disagreed on every topic, had no shared interests, and although they both cared for Madame Delmare, their feelings for her were so different that it drove them apart instead of uniting them. They took a strange pleasure in contradicting each other and unsettling each other as much as they could with criticisms that were just as sharp and harsh, even if they came across as vague generalizations.
Their principal and most frequent controversies began with politics and ended with morals. It was in the evening, when they were all assembled around Monsieur Delmare's easy-chair, that discussions arose on the most trivial pretexts. They always maintained the external courtesy which philosophy imposed on the one and social custom on the other: but they sometimes said to each other, under the thin veil of allusions, some very harsh things, which amused the colonel; for he was naturally bellicose and quarrelsome and loved disputes in default of battles.
Their main and most frequent arguments started with politics and ended with morals. It was in the evening, when everyone gathered around Monsieur Delmare's comfy chair, that discussions erupted over the most trivial reasons. They always kept up a polite facade that philosophy demanded from one side and social norms from the other: but sometimes they would say some pretty harsh things to each other, hidden behind vague references, which amused the colonel; he was naturally combative and liked to argue when there were no battles to fight.
For my part, I believe that a man's political opinion is the whole man. Tell me what your heart and your head are and I will tell you your political opinions. In whatever rank or political party chance may have placed us at our birth, our character prevails sooner or later over the prejudice or artificial beliefs of education. You will call that a very sweeping statement perhaps; but how could I persuade myself to augur well of a mind that clings to certain theories which a generous spirit rejects? Show me a man who maintains the usefulness of capital punishment, and, however conscientious and enlightened he may be, I defy you ever to establish any sympathetic connection between him and me. If such a man attempts to instruct me as to facts which I do not know, he will never succeed; for it will not be in my power to give him my confidence.
For me, a person's political opinion reflects who they are entirely. Share what you truly feel and think, and I can tell you your political views. Regardless of the social class or political party we were born into, our character eventually outweighs the biases or superficial beliefs instilled in us through education. You might think that’s a bold statement, but how can I believe positively about someone who holds onto ideas that an open-minded person would reject? Show me someone who supports the usefulness of the death penalty, and no matter how principled or well-informed they might be, I challenge you to find any real connection between us. If such a person tries to teach me about facts I'm unaware of, they will never succeed; I won’t be able to trust them.
Ralph and Raymon differed on all points, and, yet, before they knew each other, they had no clearly defined opinions. But, as soon as they were at odds, each of them maintained the contrary of what the other advanced, and in that way they would form for themselves an absolute, unassailable conviction. Raymon was on all occasions the champion of existing society, Ralph attacked its structure at every point.
Ralph and Raymon disagreed on everything, yet before they met, neither had strong opinions. However, as soon as they started to clash, each took a position opposite to the other's, and in that way, they developed an unshakeable conviction. Raymon always defended the current social order, while Ralph criticized its structure at every turn.
The explanation was simple: Raymon was happy and treated with the utmost consideration, Ralph had known nothing of life but its evils and its bitterness; one found everything very satisfactory, the other was dissatisfied with everything. Men and things had maltreated Ralph and heaped benefits upon Raymon; and, like two children, they referred everything to themselves, setting themselves up as a court of last resort in regard to the great questions of social order, although they were equally incompetent.
The explanation was simple: Raymon was happy and treated with the highest respect, while Ralph had only experienced life's hardships and bitterness; one was very satisfied, the other was unhappy with everything. People and situations had mistreated Ralph and showered Raymon with benefits; and, like two kids, they related everything back to themselves, putting themselves in charge of the important issues of social order, even though they were equally unqualified.
Thus Ralph always upheld his visionary scheme of a republic from which he proposed to exclude all abuses, all prejudices, all injustice; a scheme founded entirely upon the hope of a new race of men. Raymon upheld his doctrine of an hereditary monarchy, preferring, he said, to endure abuses, prejudice and injustice, to seeing scaffolds erected and innocent blood shed.
Thus, Ralph always supported his visionary idea of a republic from which he wanted to eliminate all abuses, prejudices, and injustices; an idea based entirely on the hope for a new generation of people. Raymon supported his belief in a hereditary monarchy, saying he would rather put up with abuses, prejudice, and injustice than see gallows built and innocent blood spilled.
The colonel was almost always on Ralph's side at the beginning of the discussion. He hated the Bourbons and imparted to all his opinions all the animosity of his sentiments. But soon Raymon would adroitly bring him over to his side by proving to him that the monarchy was in principle much nearer the Empire than the Republic. Ralph was so lacking in the power of persuasion, he was so sincere, so bungling, the poor baronet! his frankness was so unpolished, his logic so dull, his principles so rigid! He spared no one, he softened no harsh truth.
The colonel was almost always on Ralph's side at the beginning of the discussion. He hated the Bourbons and infused all his opinions with the bitterness of his feelings. But soon Raymon would skillfully persuade him to switch sides by demonstrating that the monarchy was fundamentally much closer to the Empire than to the Republic. Ralph was so ineffective at persuading others, so earnest, so clumsy, the poor baronet! His honesty was so rough, his reasoning so bland, his principles so inflexible! He held nothing back, he softened no harsh truths.
"Parbleu!" he would say to the colonel, when that worthy cursed England's intervention, "what in heaven's name have you, a man of some common sense and reasoning power, I suppose, to complain of because a whole nation fought fairly against you?"
"Good grief!" he would say to the colonel, when that respectable man cursed England's involvement, "what on earth do you, a person of some common sense and reasoning ability, have to complain about since a whole nation fought fairly against you?"
"Fairly?" Delmare would repeat the word, grinding his teeth together and brandishing his crutch.
"Fairly?" Delmare repeated the word, gritting his teeth and waving his crutch.
"Let us leave political questions to be decided by the powers concerned," Sir Ralph would say, "as we have adopted a form of government which forbids us to discuss our interests ourselves. If a nation is responsible for the faults of its legislature, what one can you find that is guiltier than yours?"
"Let’s leave political issues to the relevant authorities," Sir Ralph would say, "since we’ve chosen a system of government that prevents us from discussing our own interests. If a nation is accountable for the mistakes of its legislature, which one do you think is more at fault than yours?"
"And so I say, monsieur, shame upon France, which abandoned Napoléon and submitted to a king proclaimed by the bayonets of foreigners!" the colonel would exclaim.
"And so I say, sir, shame on France for abandoning Napoléon and bowing down to a king put in place by the bayonets of foreigners!" the colonel would exclaim.
"For my part, I do not say shame upon France," Sir Ralph would rejoin, "but woe to her! I pity her because she was so weak and so diseased, on the day she was purged of her tyrant, that she was compelled to accept your rag of a constitutional Charter, a mere shred of liberty which you are beginning to respect now that you must throw it aside and conquer your liberty over again."
"For my part, I don’t say shame on France," Sir Ralph would respond, "but what a tragedy for her! I feel sorry for her because she was so weak and so sick when she got rid of her tyrant that she had to accept your pathetic constitutional Charter, just a tiny piece of freedom that you’re starting to value now that you need to toss it aside and fight for your freedom all over again."
Thereupon Raymon would pick up the gauntlet that Sir Ralph threw down. A knight of the Charter, he chose to be a knight of liberty as well, and he proved to Ralph with marvelous skill that one was the expression of the other; that, if he shattered the Charter he overturned his own idol. In vain would the baronet struggle in the unsound arguments in which Monsieur de Ramière entangled him; with admirable force he would argue that a greater extension of the suffrage would infallibly lead to the excesses of '93, and that the nation was not yet ripe for liberty, which is not the same as license. And when Sir Ralph declared that it was absurd to attempt to confine a constitution within a certain number of articles, that what was sufficient at first would eventually become insufficient, supporting his argument by the example of the convalescent, whose needs increased every day, Raymon would reply to all these commonplaces expressed with difficulty by Monsieur Brown that the Charter was not an immovable circle, that it would stretch with the necessities of France, attributing to it an elasticity which, he said, would afford later a means of satisfying the demands of the nation, but which in fact satisfied only those of the crown.
Then Raymon picked up the gauntlet that Sir Ralph had thrown down. A knight of the Charter, he also chose to be a knight of liberty, and he demonstrated to Ralph with amazing skill that one was a reflection of the other; that if he destroyed the Charter, he was undermining his own idol. Sir Ralph struggled in vain against the shaky arguments that Monsieur de Ramière had laid out for him; with impressive force, he argued that expanding suffrage would inevitably lead to the excesses of '93, asserting that the nation was not yet ready for liberty, which is different from license. When Sir Ralph stated that it was ridiculous to try to limit a constitution to a specific number of articles, arguing that what was adequate at the beginning would eventually be inadequate, using the example of a recovering patient whose needs grew daily, Raymon responded to all these clichéd points poorly articulated by Monsieur Brown by arguing that the Charter wasn't a fixed circle—it would adapt to the needs of France, possessing a flexibility that, he claimed, would eventually meet the nation's demands, but which in reality only satisfied the interests of the crown.
As to Delmare, he had not advanced a step since 1815. He was a stationary mortal, as full of prejudices and as obstinate as the émigrés at Coblentz, the never-failing subjects of his implacable irony. He was like an old child and had failed utterly to comprehend the great drama of the downfall of Napoléon. He had seen naught but the fortune of war in that crisis when the power of public opinion triumphed. He was forever talking of treason and of selling the country, as if a whole nation could betray a single man, as if France would have allowed herself to be sold by a few generals! He accused the Bourbons of tyranny and sighed for the glorious days of the Empire, when arms were lacking to till the soil and families were without bread. He declaimed against Franchet's police and extolled Fouché's. He was still at the day after Waterloo.
As for Delmare, he hadn't moved forward at all since 1815. He was stuck in his ways, just as full of biases and as stubborn as the émigrés in Coblentz, who were always the subjects of his relentless sarcasm. He was like a big child and had completely failed to grasp the huge drama surrounding Napoléon’s downfall. All he could see was the outcome of the war during that time when public opinion prevailed. He constantly talked about betrayal and selling out the country, as if an entire nation could betray one person, as if France would allow a few generals to sell her! He blamed the Bourbons for being tyrants and longed for the glorious days of the Empire, even when there were no soldiers to work the fields and families had no bread. He ranted against Franchet’s police while praising Fouché’s. He was still stuck in the day after Waterloo.
It was really a curious thing to listen to the sentimental idiocies of Delmare and Monsieur de Ramière, philanthropic dreamers both, one under the sword of Napoléon, the other under the sceptre of Saint-Louis; Monsieur Delmare planted at the foot of the Pyramids, Raymon seated under the monarchic shadow of the oak of Vincennes. Their Utopias, which clashed at first, became reconciled in due time: Raymon limed the colonel with his chivalrous sentiments; for one concession he exacted ten, and he accustomed him little by little to the spectacle of twenty-five years of victory ascending in a spiral column under the folds of the white flag. If Ralph had not constantly cast his abrupt, rough observations into the centre of Monsieur de Ramière's flowery rhetoric, he would infallibly have won Delmare over to the throne of 1815; but Ralph irritated his self-esteem, and the bungling outspokenness with which the Englishman strove to shake his convictions served only to anchor him more firmly in his imperialism. Thus all Monsieur de Ramière's efforts were wasted; Ralph trod heavily upon the flowers of his eloquence and the colonel returned with renewed enthusiasm to his tri-color. He swore that he would shake off the dust from it some fine day, that he would spit on the lilies and restore the Duc de Reichstadt to the throne of his fathers; he would begin anew the conquest of the world; and he always concluded by lamenting the disgrace that rested upon France, the rheumatism that glued him to his chair and the ingratitude of the Bourbons to the old moustaches whom the sun of the desert had burned and who had swarmed over the ice-floes of the Moskowa.
It was really something to hear the sentimental nonsense of Delmare and Monsieur de Ramière, both idealistic dreamers—one under Napoléon's rule and the other under Saint-Louis's reign; Monsieur Delmare was rooted at the foot of the Pyramids, while Raymon sat under the royal shadow of the oak at Vincennes. Their Utopias, which initially clashed, eventually found common ground: Raymon wrapped the colonel in his noble ideals; for every concession he made, he demanded ten in return, and he gradually got him used to the sight of twenty-five years of victory rising like a spiral under the white flag. If Ralph hadn't constantly interrupted with his abrupt and blunt remarks amidst Monsieur de Ramière's flowery speeches, he would have surely convinced Delmare to support the throne of 1815; but Ralph irritated his pride, and the clumsy straightforwardness with which the Englishman tried to challenge his beliefs only made him cling even more tightly to his imperialism. Thus, all of Monsieur de Ramière's efforts were in vain; Ralph trampled on the beauty of his eloquence, and the colonel returned with renewed fervor to his tri-color flag. He swore that one day he would dust it off, spit on the lilies, and restore the Duc de Reichstadt to the throne of his forefathers; he would restart the conquest of the world; and he always ended by lamenting the disgrace hanging over France, the pain that kept him glued to his chair, and the ingratitude of the Bourbons towards the old soldiers whom the desert sun had scorched and who had fought through the ice of Moskowa.
"My poor fellow!" Ralph would say, "for heaven's sake be fair; you complain because the Restoration did not pay for services rendered the Empire and because it did reimburse its émigrés. Tell me, if Napoléon could come to life again to-morrow in all his power, would you like it if he should withdraw his favor from you and bestow it on the partisans of legitimacy? Every one for himself and his own; these are business discussions, disputes concerning private interests, which have little interest for France, now that you are almost all as incapacitated as the voltigeurs of the emigration, and that, whether gouty, married or sulking, you are all equally useless to her. However, she must support you all, and you see who can complain the loudest of her. When the day of the Republic dawns, she will clear her skirts of all your demands, and it will be no more than justice."
"My poor friend!" Ralph would say, "for heaven's sake, be reasonable; you complain because the Restoration didn’t compensate those who served the Empire and because it did reimburse its émigrés. Tell me, if Napoléon could come back to life tomorrow with all his power, would you be okay with him withdrawing his support from you and giving it to the supporters of legitimacy? Everyone looks out for themselves; these are business discussions, debates over personal interests, which matter very little to France now that you are all almost as incapacitated as the voltigeurs of the emigration, and whether you’re sick, married, or sulking, you’re all equally useless to her. Yet, she has to support all of you, and you can see who complains the loudest about her. When the day of the Republic arrives, she will shake off all your demands, and that will be nothing more than fair."
These trivial but self-evident observations offended the colonel like so many personal affronts; and Ralph who, with all his good sense, did not realize that the pettiness of spirit of a man whom he esteemed could go so far, fell into the habit of irritating him without mercy.
These seemingly trivial but obvious observations offended the colonel like personal insults; and Ralph, who was otherwise quite sensible, didn't see how the small-mindedness of a man he respected could go that far, ended up irritating him without holding back.
Before Raymon's arrival there had been a tacit agreement between the two to avoid every subject of controversy in which there might be some clashing and wounding of delicate sensibilities. But Raymon brought into their conversation all the subtleties of the language, all the petty artifices of civilization. He taught them that people can say anything to one another, indulge in all sorts of reproaches and shield themselves behind the pretext of legitimate discussion. He introduced among them the habit of disputation, then tolerated in the salons, because the vindictive passions of the Hundred Days had finally become appeased, had assumed divers milder shades. But the colonel had retained all the vehemence of his passions, and Ralph made a sad mistake in thinking that it was possible for him to listen to reason. Monsieur Delmare became daily more sour toward him and drew nearer to Raymon, who, without making too extensive concessions, knew how to assume an appearance of graciousness in order to spare the other's self-esteem.
Before Raymon showed up, there was an unspoken agreement between the two to steer clear of any controversial topics that could cause conflict or hurt feelings. But Raymon introduced a whole new level of conversation, filled with all the nuances of language and the small tricks of society. He taught them that people could say anything to each other, throw around all kinds of criticisms, and justify it as a valid discussion. He made arguing a common practice among them, which had started to be tolerated in social gatherings since the intense emotions from the Hundred Days had finally calmed down and taken on softer shades. However, the colonel still held onto all his intense emotions, and Ralph made a big mistake thinking he could reason with him. Monsieur Delmare grew increasingly bitter towards Ralph and gravitated closer to Raymon, who, without making too many compromises, knew how to appear gracious in a way that protected the other’s pride.
It is a great imprudence to introduce politics as a pastime in the domestic circle. If there exist to-day any peaceful and happy families, I advise them to subscribe to no newspaper; not to read a single line of the budget, to bury themselves in the depth of their country estates as in an oasis, and to draw between themselves and the rest of society a line that none may pass; for, if they allow the echoes of our disputes to meet their ears, it is all over with their union and their repose. It is hard to imagine how much gall and bitterness political differences cause between near kindred. Most of the time they simply afford them an opportunity for reproaching one another for defects of character, mental obliquities and vices of the heart.
It’s very unwise to bring politics into family life. If there are any peaceful and happy families today, I suggest they avoid subscribing to any newspapers; don’t read a single word about the budget, isolate themselves in their country homes like an oasis, and draw a line that no one can cross between them and the rest of society; because if they hear the echoes of our arguments, their unity and peace will be destroyed. It’s hard to grasp how much resentment and bitterness political disagreements create among close relatives. Most of the time, these disputes just provide a chance for them to criticize each other’s character flaws, misguided views, and personal vices.
They would not dare to call one another knave, imbecile, ambitious villain or poltroon. They express the same idea by such names as jesuit, royalist, revolutionist and trimmer. These are different words, but the insult is the same, and all the more stinging because they may pursue and attack one another in this fashion without restraint, without mercy. There is an end to all mutual toleration of failings, all charitable spirit, all generous and delicate reserve; nothing is overlooked, everything is attributed to political feeling, and beneath that mask hatred and vengeance are freely exhaled. O ye blessed dwellers in the country, if there still be any country in France, shun, shun politics, and read the Peau d'Ane by your firesides! But the contagion is so great that there is no retreat obscure enough, no solitude profound enough to hide and shelter the man who would find a refuge for his amiable heart from the tempests of our civil dissensions.
They wouldn't dare to call each other names like jerk, fool, ambitious villain, or coward. Instead, they express the same idea with labels like Jesuit, royalist, revolutionist, and trimmer. These are different terms, but the insult feels the same, and it's even more hurtful because they can attack each other this way without any limits or mercy. There's no longer any tolerance for each other's flaws, no charitable attitudes, and no generous or delicate restraint; nothing is overlooked, everything is seen through a political lens, and beneath that facade, hatred and revenge are openly expressed. Oh, you blessed folks living in the countryside, if there’s still any countryside left in France, steer clear of politics and enjoy the Peau d'Ane by your firesides! But the spread of this issue is so intense that there’s no hidden place, no deep solitude that can protect someone who wants to shield their kind heart from the storms of our civil conflicts.
In vain had the little château in Brie defended itself for years against this ill-omened invasion; it lost in time its heedlessness, its active domestic life, its long evenings of silence and meditation. Noisy disputes awoke its slumbering echoes; bitter and threatening words terrified the faded cherubs who had smiled amid the dust of the hangings for a hundred years past. The excitements of present-day life found their way into that ancient dwelling, and all those old-fashioned splendors, all those relics of a period of pleasure and frivolity saw with dismay the advent of an epoch of doubt and declamation, represented by three men who shut themselves up together every day to quarrel from morning till night.
The little château in Brie had fought in vain for years against this ominous invasion; over time, it lost its carefree spirit, its lively domestic life, and its calm evenings of silence and reflection. Noisy arguments disturbed its peacefulness; harsh and threatening words frightened the faded cherubs that had smiled amid the dust of the tapestries for the past hundred years. The excitement of modern life crept into that ancient home, and all those old-fashioned splendors, all those remnants of a time filled with joy and frivolity, were dismayed by the arrival of an era marked by doubt and heated debates, represented by three men who locked themselves away together every day to argue from morning till night.
XV
Despite these never-ending dissensions, Madame Delmare clung with the confidence of her years to the hope of a happy future. It was her first happiness; and her ardent imagination, her rich young heart, were able to supply it with all that it lacked. She was ingenious in creating keen and pure joys for herself—in bestowing upon herself the complement of the precarious favors of her destiny. Raymon loved her. In truth he did not lie when he told her that she was the only love of his life; he had never loved so innocently nor so long. With her he forgot everything but her. The world and politics were blotted out by the thought of her; he enjoyed the domestic life, the being treated like one of the family, as she treated him. He admired her patience and her strength of will; he wondered at the contrast between her mind and her character; he wondered especially that, after importing so much solemnity into their first compact, she was so unexacting, satisfied with such furtive and infrequent joys, and that she trusted him so blindly and so absolutely. But love was a novel and generous passion in her heart, and a thousand noble and delicate sentiments were included in it and gave it a force which Raymon could not understand.
Despite these endless disagreements, Madame Delmare held onto the hope of a happy future with the confidence of her years. This was her first happiness; her vivid imagination and her vibrant young heart filled in what it lacked. She was creative in crafting sharp, pure joys for herself—making up for the fleeting gifts of her fate. Raymon loved her. He truly didn’t lie when he told her she was the only love of his life; he had never loved so innocently or for so long. With her, he forgot everything except her. The world and politics faded away with the thought of her; he found joy in their domestic life, being treated like a member of the family, as she treated him. He admired her patience and strength of will; he marveled at the difference between her intellect and her character; he was especially surprised that after bringing so much seriousness into their initial agreement, she was so easygoing, content with such fleeting and rare joys, and that she trusted him so completely and unreservedly. But love was a fresh and generous passion in her heart, filled with a thousand noble and delicate feelings that gave it a strength Raymon couldn't comprehend.
For his own part, he was annoyed at first by the constant presence of the husband or the cousin. He had intended that this love should be like all his previous loves, but Indiana soon compelled him to rise to her level. The resignation with which she endured the constant surveillance, the happy air with which she glanced at him by stealth, her eyes which spoke to him in eloquent though silent language, her sublime smile when a sudden allusion in conversation brought their hearts nearer together—these soon became keen pleasures which Raymon craved and appreciated, thanks to the refinement of his mind and the culture of education.
At first, he was irritated by the constant presence of her husband or cousin. He wanted this love to be like all his previous ones, but Indiana quickly forced him to meet her expectations. The way she accepted the ongoing watchfulness, the joyful way she secretly looked at him, her eyes communicating eloquently without words, and her radiant smile when a sudden mention in conversation drew them closer—all of these became intense pleasures that Raymon longed for and valued, thanks to his refined mind and educated background.
What a difference between that chaste creature who seemed not to contemplate the possibility of a dénoûment to her love and all those other women who were intent only upon hastening it while pretending to shun it! When Raymon happened to be alone with her, Indiana's cheeks did not turn a deeper red, nor did she avert her eyes in confusion. No, her tranquil, limpid eyes were always fixed upon him in ecstasy; an angelic smile played always about her lips, as ruddy as a little girl's who has known no kisses but her mother's. When he saw her so trustful, so passionate, so pure, living solely with the heart and not realizing that her lover's heart was in torment when he was at her feet, Raymon dared not be a man, lest he should seem to her inferior to her dreams of him, and, through self-love, he became as virtuous as she.
What a contrast between that innocent woman, who didn't even consider the possibility of an ending to her love, and all those other women who were just eager to rush it while pretending to avoid it! When Raymon was alone with her, Indiana's cheeks didn’t turn a deeper shade of red, and she didn’t look away in embarrassment. No, her calm, clear eyes were always locked onto him in delight; an angelic smile constantly played on her lips, as rosy as a little girl’s who has only received kisses from her mother. When he saw her so trusting, so passionate, so pure, living only from the heart and not realizing that her lover's heart was in agony while he was at her feet, Raymon couldn’t bring himself to act like a man, fearing it would make him seem less than her dreams of him, and out of self-respect, he became as virtuous as she was.
Madame Delmare, ignorant as a genuine creole, had never dreamed hitherto of considering the momentous questions that were now discussed before her every day. She had been brought up by Sir Ralph, who had a poor opinion of the intelligence and reasoning power of womankind, and who had confined himself to imparting some positive information likely to be of immediate use. Thus she had a very shadowy idea of the world's history, and any serious discussion bored her to death. But when she heard Raymon apply to those dry subjects all the charm of his wit, all the poesy of his language, she listened and tried to understand; then she ventured timidly to ask ingenuous questions which a girl of ten brought up according to worldly ideas would readily have answered. Raymon took pleasure in enlightening that virgin mind which seemed destined to open to receive his principles; but, despite the power he exerted over her untrained, artless mind, his sophisms sometimes encountered resistance from her.
Madame Delmare, as naive as a true Creole, had never thought about the important issues being discussed around her every day. She had been raised by Sir Ralph, who had a low opinion of women's intelligence and reasoning skills, and he only shared information that seemed immediately useful. As a result, she had a vague understanding of history, and any serious conversation bored her to tears. However, when she heard Raymon infuse those dry topics with his charm and poetic language, she listened intently and tried to grasp the concepts; then she cautiously asked sincere questions that any ten-year-old raised with more worldly ideas would easily have answered. Raymon enjoyed enlightening her innocent mind, which appeared ready to absorb his ideas; yet, despite the influence he had over her untamed, simple thoughts, some of his arguments met resistance from her.
Indiana opposed to the interests of civilization, when raised to the dignity of principles of action, the straight-forward ideas and simple laws of good sense and humanity; her arguments were characterized by an unpolished freedom which sometimes embarrassed Raymon and always charmed him by its childlike originality. He applied himself as to a task of serious importance to the attempt to bring her around gradually to his principles, to his beliefs. He would have been proud to dominate her conscientious and naturally enlightened convictions; but he had some difficulty in attaining his end. Ralph's generous theories, his unbending hatred of the vices of society, his keen impatience for the reign of other laws and other morals were sentiments to which Indiana's unhappy memories responded. But Raymon suddenly unhorsed his adversary by demonstrating that this aversion for the present was the work of selfishness; he described with much warmth his own attachments, his devotion to the royal family, which he had the art to clothe with all the heroism of a perilous loyalty, his respect for the persecuted faith of his fathers, his religious sentiments, which were not the fruit of reasoning, he said, but to which he clung by instinct and from necessity. And the joy of loving one's fellow-creatures, of being bound to the present generation by all the ties of honor and philanthropy; the pleasure of serving one's country by repelling dangerous innovations, by maintaining domestic peace, by giving, if need be, all one's blood to save the shedding of one drop of that of the lowest of one's countrymen! he depicted all these attractive Utopian visions with so much art and charm that Indiana submitted to be led on to the feeling that she must love and respect all that Raymon loved and respected. It was fairly proved that Ralph was an egotist; when he maintained a generous idea, they smiled; it was clear that at such times his heart and his mind were in contradiction. Was it not better to believe Raymon, who had such a big, warm, expansive heart?
Indiana was skeptical of the interests of civilization, especially when it came to the straightforward ideas and simple principles of common sense and humanity. Her arguments had a raw honesty that sometimes made Raymon uncomfortable but always captivated him with its childlike originality. He took it upon himself as a serious task to gradually persuade her to adopt his principles and beliefs. He would have felt proud to guide her naturally enlightened views, but he found it challenging to achieve this. Ralph's generous theories, his strong disdain for society's vices, and his intense impatience for new laws and morals resonated with Indiana's painful memories. However, Raymon skillfully undermined his opponent by showing that this disdain for the present was rooted in selfishness. He passionately shared his own attachments—his devotion to the royal family, which he framed with the heroism of perilous loyalty, his respect for the faith of his ancestors that he claimed was not based on reasoning but was instinctual and necessary for him. He painted a picture of the joy of loving others, of being connected to the current generation by ties of honor and philanthropy; the satisfaction of serving one's country by resisting dangerous changes, maintaining peace at home, and being willing to give everything to protect even the lowest among his fellow countrymen! He described these alluring Utopian ideals with such artistry and charm that Indiana found herself being led to embrace the idea that she must love and respect what Raymon loved and respected. It was clear that Ralph was an egotist; whenever he expressed a generous idea, people would smile, recognizing the contradiction between his heart and mind at such moments. Wasn't it better to trust Raymon, who had such a big, warm, open heart?
There were moments, however, when Raymon almost forgot his love to think only of his antipathy. When he was with Madame Delmare, he could see nobody but Sir Ralph, who presumed, with his rough, cool common sense, to attack him, a man of superior talents, who had overthrown such doughty adversaries! He was humiliated to find himself engaged with so paltry an adversary, and thereupon would overwhelm him with the weight of his eloquence; he would bring into play all the resources of his talent, and Ralph, bewildered, slow in collecting his ideas, slower still in expressing them, would be made painfully conscious of his weakness.
There were times, however, when Raymon almost forgot his love and focused only on his hatred. When he was with Madame Delmare, he could only think of Sir Ralph, who had the nerve, with his blunt, practical mindset, to challenge him, a man of greater skill, who had defeated such formidable opponents! He felt embarrassed to find himself dealing with such a petty rival, and would then drown him in the force of his words; he would use all his talents, and Ralph, confused and struggling to gather his thoughts, even slower to voice them, would painfully realize his shortcomings.
At such moments it seemed to Indiana that Raymon's thoughts were altogether diverted from her; she had spasms of anxiety and terror as she reflected that perhaps all those noble and high-sounding sentiments so eloquently declaimed were simply the pompous scaffolding of words, the ironical harangue of the lawyer, listening to himself and practising the comedy which is to take by surprise the good-nature of the tribunal. She was especially fearful when, as her eyes met his, she fancied that she saw gleaming in them, not the pleasure of having been understood by her, but the triumphant self-satisfaction of having made a fine argument. She was afraid at such times, and her thoughts turned to Ralph, the egotist, to whom they had perhaps been unjust; but Ralph was not tactful enough to say anything to prolong this uncertainty, and Raymon was very skilful in removing it.
At those moments, Indiana felt like Raymon's thoughts were completely off elsewhere; she experienced waves of anxiety and fear as she wondered if all those noble and grand sentiments he spoke so passionately about were just an elaborate display of words, an ironic speech by a lawyer enjoying his own rhetoric while trying to impress the jury. She felt especially anxious when their eyes met, and she thought she saw not the joy of being understood but the smug satisfaction of delivering a strong argument. During those times, she felt scared and her mind would drift to Ralph, the self-centered one, who they may have judged unfairly; but Ralph wasn’t subtle enough to say anything to ease this tension, while Raymon was very good at eliminating it.
Thus there was but one really perturbed existence, but one really ruined happiness in that domestic circle: the existence and happiness of Sir Ralph Brown, a man born to misfortune, for whom life had displayed no brilliant aspects, no intense, heart-filling joys; a victim of great but secret unhappiness, who complained to no one and whom no one pitied; a truly accursed destiny, in the poetic sense without thrilling adventures; a commonplace, bourgeois, melancholy destiny, which no friendship had sweetened, no love charmed, which was endured in silence, with the heroism which the love of life and the need of hoping give; a lonely mortal who had had a father and mother like everybody else, a brother, a wife, a son, a friend, and who had reaped no benefit, retained nothing of all those ties; a stranger in life who went his way melancholy and indifferent, having not even that exalted consciousness of his misfortune which enables one to find some fascination in sorrow.
Thus, there was only one truly troubled existence, only one genuinely ruined happiness in that family: the existence and happiness of Sir Ralph Brown, a man born to misfortune, for whom life had shown no bright sides, no intense, heart-warming joys; a victim of deep but hidden unhappiness, who never complained to anyone and whom no one pitied; a truly cursed destiny, in the poetic sense without exciting adventures; a plain, middle-class, melancholy life that no friendship had sweetened, no love had enchanted, which was endured in silence, with the bravery that the love of life and the need for hope provide; a lonely person who had parents like everyone else, a brother, a wife, a son, a friend, and who had gained nothing, kept nothing of all those connections; a stranger in life who walked his path with sadness and indifference, lacking even that elevated awareness of his misfortune that allows one to find some allure in sorrow.
Despite his strength of character, he sometimes felt discouraged with virtue. He hated Raymon, and it was in his power to drive him from Lagny with a word; but he did not say it, because he had one belief, a single one, which was stronger than Raymon's countless beliefs. It was neither the church, nor the monarchy, nor society, nor reputation, nor the law, which dictated his sacrifices and his courage—it was his conscience.
Despite his strong character, he sometimes felt disheartened by virtue. He hated Raymon and could have easily driven him away from Lagny with just a word; but he held back because he had one belief, just one, that was more powerful than Raymon's many beliefs. It wasn’t the church, the monarchy, society, reputation, or the law that inspired his sacrifices and courage—it was his conscience.
He had lived so alone that he had not accustomed himself to rely upon others; but he had learned, in his isolation, to know himself. He had made a friend of his own heart; by dint of self-communion, of asking himself the cause of the unjust acts of others, he had assured himself that he had not earned them by any vice; he had ceased to be irritated by them, because he set little store by his own personality, which he knew to be insipid and commonplace. He understood the indifference of which he was the object, and he had chosen his course with regard to it; but his heart told him that he was capable of feeling all that he did not inspire, and, while he was disposed to forgive everything in others, he had decided to tolerate nothing in himself. This wholly inward life, these wholly private sensations gave him all the outward appearance of a selfish man; indeed nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect.
He had lived so alone that he hadn’t learned to depend on others; but in his isolation, he had come to understand himself. He had made a friend of his own heart; through self-reflection, by questioning the reasons behind others’ unfair actions, he had assured himself that he hadn’t deserved them through any wrongdoing. He had stopped being bothered by them because he valued his own personality very little, knowing it to be bland and ordinary. He recognized the indifference directed at him, and he had made his peace with it; yet his heart told him he was capable of feeling everything that he didn’t inspire in others, and while he was willing to forgive everything in them, he had resolved to tolerate nothing in himself. This deeply internal life, these entirely personal feelings gave him the outward appearance of a selfish man; in fact, nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect.
However, as it often happens that, because we attempt to do too much good, we do much less than enough, it happened that Sir Ralph made a great mistake from over-scrupulousness and caused Madame Delmare an irreparable injury from dread of burdening his own conscience with a cause of reproach. That mistake was his failure to enlighten her as to the real reasons of Noun's death. Had he done so she would doubtless have reflected on the perils of her love for Raymon; but we shall see later why Monsieur Brown dared not inform his cousin and what painful scruples led him to keep silence on so momentous a question. When he decided to break his silence it was too late; Raymon had had time to establish his empire.
However, as often happens, when we try to do too much good, we end up doing less than enough. Sir Ralph made a serious mistake out of excessive worry and caused Madame Delmare an irreparable injury because he was scared of burdening his own conscience with any blame. His mistake was not telling her the real reasons behind Noun's death. If he had, she would have likely thought about the dangers of her love for Raymon; but we'll see later why Monsieur Brown didn’t dare to inform his cousin and what painful concerns kept him silent on such an important issue. By the time he decided to speak up, it was too late; Raymon had already established his hold on her.
An unforeseen event occurred to cloud the future prospects of the colonel and his wife; a business house in Belgium, upon which all the prosperity of the Delmare establishment depended, had suddenly failed, and the colonel, who had hardly recovered his health, started in hot haste for Antwerp.
An unexpected event arose that cast a shadow over the future of the colonel and his wife; a business in Belgium, which the Delmare establishment relied on for its success, had suddenly gone under, and the colonel, who had barely regained his health, rushed to Antwerp in a frenzy.
He was still so weak and ill that his wife wished to accompany him; but Monsieur Delmare, being threatened with complete ruin and resolved to honor all his obligations, feared that his journey would then seem too much like a flight; so he determined to leave his wife at Lagny as a pledge of his return. He even declined the company of Sir Ralph and begged him to remain and stand by Madame Delmare in case of any trouble on the part of anxious or over-eager creditors.
He was still very weak and sick that his wife wanted to go with him; however, Monsieur Delmare, facing complete ruin and determined to fulfill all his obligations, was afraid that his trip would look too much like a getaway, so he decided to leave his wife in Lagny as a sign of his return. He even turned down Sir Ralph's company and asked him to stay back and support Madame Delmare in case any anxious or overly eager creditors caused trouble.
At this painful crisis Indiana was alarmed at nothing save the possibility of having to leave Lagny and be separated from Raymon; but he comforted her by convincing her that the colonel would surely go to Paris. Moreover he gave her his word that he would follow her, on some pretext or other, wherever she might go, and the credulous creature deemed herself almost happy in a misfortune which enabled her to put Raymon's love to the test. As for him, a vague hope, a persistent, importunate thought had absorbed his mind ever since he had heard of this event: he was to be alone with Indiana at last, the first time for six months. She had never seemed to attempt to avoid a tête-à-tête, and although he was in no haste to triumph over a love whose ingenuous chastity had for him the attraction of novelty, he was beginning to feel that his honor was involved in bringing it to some conclusion. He honorably repelled any malicious insinuation concerning his relations with Madame Delmare; he declared very modestly that there was nothing more than a placid and pleasant friendship between them; but not for anything in the world would he have admitted, even to his best friend, that he had been passionately in love for six months and had as yet obtained no fruit of that love.
At this painful moment, Indiana was only worried about possibly having to leave Lagny and being separated from Raymon. He reassured her by convincing her that the colonel would definitely go to Paris. Additionally, he promised her that he would follow her, no matter what excuse he had to come up with, wherever she went, and the trusting woman almost felt happy in a situation that allowed her to test Raymon's love. As for him, a vague hope and a relentless, nagging thought had occupied his mind ever since he learned about this event: he would finally be alone with Indiana, the first time in six months. She never seemed to avoid a private conversation, and although he wasn't rushing to take advantage of a love whose innocent purity fascinated him, he was starting to feel that his honor was at stake in bringing it to some sort of conclusion. He steadfastly rejected any malicious rumors about his relationship with Madame Delmare; he modestly claimed that there was nothing more than a calm and pleasant friendship between them. But he would never confess, even to his closest friend, that he had been passionately in love for six months without achieving anything from that love.
He was somewhat disappointed in his anticipations when he saw that Sir Ralph seemed determined to replace Monsieur Delmare so far as surveillance was concerned, that he appeared at Lagny in the morning and did not return to Bellerive until night; indeed, as their road was the same for some distance, Ralph, with an intolerable affectation of courtesy, insisted upon timing his departure by Raymon's. This constraint soon became intensely disagreeable to Monsieur de Ramière, and Madame Delmare fancied that she could detect in it not only a suspicion insulting to herself, but a purpose to assume despotic control over her conduct.
He felt a bit let down by his expectations when he noticed that Sir Ralph was set on taking over from Monsieur Delmare in terms of monitoring. Sir Ralph showed up in Lagny in the morning and didn’t go back to Bellerive until nightfall. In fact, since their path was the same for a while, Ralph, with an annoyingly exaggerated sense of politeness, insisted on scheduling his departure to match Raymon's. This pressure quickly became really uncomfortable for Monsieur de Ramière, and Madame Delmare thought she could sense not only an insulting suspicion toward herself but also an intention to impose strict control over her behavior.
Raymon dared not request a secret interview; whenever he had made the attempt, Madame Delmare had reminded him of certain conditions agreed upon between them. Meanwhile a week had passed since the colonel's departure; he might return very soon; the present opportunity must be turned to advantage. To allow Sir Ralph the victory would be a disgrace to Raymon. One morning he slipped this letter into Madame Delmare's hand:
Raymon didn’t dare ask for a private meeting; every time he tried, Madame Delmare reminded him of certain rules they had agreed on. In the meantime, a week had gone by since the colonel left; he could come back at any moment; this was a chance that needed to be seized. Letting Sir Ralph win would be a shame for Raymon. One morning, he slipped this letter into Madame Delmare's hand:
"Indiana! do you not love me as I love you? My angel! I am unhappy and you do not see it. I am sad, anxious concerning your future, not my own; for, wherever you may be, there I shall live and die. But the thought of poverty alarms me on your account; ill and frail as you are, my poor child, how will you endure privation? You have a rich and generous cousin: your husband will perhaps accept at his hands what he will refuse at mine. Ralph will ameliorate your lot, and I shall be able to do nothing for you!
"Indiana! Don't you love me as I love you? My angel! I'm unhappy and you don't see it. I'm sad, worried about your future, not mine; because wherever you are, that's where I'll live and die. But the thought of poverty worries me for you; sick and fragile as you are, my poor child, how will you handle hardship? You have a rich and generous cousin: your husband might accept help from him that he would refuse from me. Ralph will improve your situation, and I’ll be powerless to assist you!"
"Be sure, be sure, my dear love, that I have reason to be depressed and disappointed. You are heroic, you laugh at everything, you insist that I must not grieve. Ah! how I crave your gentle words, your sweet glances, to sustain my courage! But, by a monstrous fatality, these days that I hoped to pass freely at your feet, have brought me nothing but a constraint that grows ever more galling.
"Just know, my dear love, that I have a lot to feel down about. You’re brave, you laugh at everything, and you insist I shouldn’t be sad. Oh, how I long for your kind words and sweet looks to lift my spirits! But, by some cruel twist of fate, these days that I hoped to spend freely at your side have only brought me an increasing sense of frustration."
"Say a word, Indiana, so that we may be alone at least an hour, that I may weep upon your white hands and tell you all that I suffer, and that a word from you may console and comfort me.
"Say something, Indiana, so we can be alone for at least an hour, so I can cry on your white hands and tell you everything I’m going through, and that your words can soothe and comfort me."
"And then, Indiana, I have a childish caprice, a genuine lover's caprice. I would like to enter your room. Oh! don't be frightened, my gentle creole! It is my bounden duty not only to respect you, but to fear you; that is the very reason why I would like to enter your room, to kneel in that place where you were so angry with me, and where, bold as I am, I dared not look at you. I would like to prostrate myself there, to pass a meditative, happy hour there; I would crave no other favor, Indiana, than that you should place your hand on my heart and cleanse it of its crime, pacify it if it beats too rapidly, and give it your confidence once more if you find me worthy of you at last. Yes! I would like to prove to you that now I am worthy, that I know you through and through, that I worship you with an adoration as pure and holy as ever maiden conceived for her Madonna! I would like to be sure that you no longer fear me, that you esteem me as much as I revere you; I would like to live an hour as angels live, with my head upon your heart. Tell me, Indiana, may I? One hour—the first, perhaps the last!
"And then, Indiana, I have a childish whim, a true lover's whim. I would like to come into your room. Oh! don't be scared, my dear Creole! I have to respect you, but I also have to be afraid of you; that’s exactly why I want to come in, to kneel in that spot where you were so angry with me, and where, as bold as I am, I didn’t dare to look at you. I want to prostrate myself there, to spend a meditative, happy hour there; I ask for no other favor, Indiana, than for you to place your hand on my heart and cleanse it of its sins, calm it if it beats too fast, and give it your trust again if you find me worthy of you at last. Yes! I want to show you that I am worthy now, that I know you completely, that I adore you with a purity and holiness like any maiden feels for her Madonna! I want to be sure that you no longer fear me, that you respect me as much as I admire you; I want to live an hour like angels do, with my head on your heart. Tell me, Indiana, may I? One hour—the first, perhaps the last!"
"It is time to forgive me, Indiana, to give me back your confidence, so cruelly snatched from me, so dearly redeemed. Are you not satisfied with me? Have I not passed six months behind your chair, confining my desires to a glance at your snow-white neck through the curls of your black hair, as you leaned over your work, to a breath of the perfume which emanates from you and which the air from the window at which you sit brings faintly to my nostrils? Does not such submission deserve the reward of a kiss? a sister's kiss, if you will, a kiss on the forehead? I will remain true to our agreements, I swear it. I will ask for nothing. But, cruel one, will you grant me nothing? Are you afraid of yourself?"
"It’s time to forgive me, Indiana, to give me back your trust that was so harshly taken from me, which I treasured so much. Aren’t you happy with me? Have I not spent six months right behind your chair, keeping my feelings limited to just a glance at your beautiful neck through your dark hair as you worked, and a whiff of your lovely scent that the breeze from the window where you sit brings me? Doesn’t such devotion deserve a kiss? A sisterly kiss, if you prefer, just a kiss on the forehead? I promise to stick to our agreements, I swear. I won’t ask for anything more. But, oh, cruel one, will you give me nothing? Are you afraid of yourself?"
Madame Delmare went to her room to read this letter; she replied to it instantly, and handed him the reply with a key to the park-gate, which he knew too well.
Madame Delmare went to her room to read the letter; she responded right away and gave him her reply along with a key to the park gate, which he was very familiar with.
"I afraid of you, Raymon? Oh! no, not now. I know too well that you love me, I am too blissfully happy in the belief that you love me. Come then, for I am not afraid of myself either; if I loved you less, perhaps I should be less calm; but I love you with a love of which you yourself have no idea. Go away early, so that Ralph may suspect nothing. Return at midnight; you are familiar with the park and the house; here is the key of the small gate; lock it after you."
"I'm afraid of you, Raymon? Oh no, not anymore. I know very well that you love me, and I’m really happy believing that you do. So come on, because I'm not afraid of myself either; if I loved you less, maybe I'd be less calm, but I love you in a way you can't even imagine. Leave early, so Ralph doesn’t suspect anything. Come back at midnight; you know the park and the house; here’s the key to the small gate; lock it behind you."
This ingenuous, generous confidence made Raymon blush. He had tried to inspire it, with the purpose of abusing it; he had counted on the darkness, the opportunity, the danger. If Indiana had shown any fear, she was lost; but she was perfectly calm; she placed her trust in his good faith; he swore that he would give her no cause to repent. But the important point was to pass a night in her bedroom, in order not to be a fool in his own eyes, in order to defeat Ralph's prudence, and to be able to laugh at him in his sleeve. That was a personal gratification which he craved.
This innocent, generous trust made Raymon blush. He had tried to cultivate it with the intent of taking advantage of her; he had relied on the darkness, the opportunity, the danger. If Indiana had shown any sign of fear, she would have been doomed; but she remained completely calm; she trusted his good intentions; he promised that he would give her no reason to regret it. But the key was to spend a night in her bedroom, so he wouldn't feel foolish in his own eyes, to outsmart Ralph’s caution, and to be able to laugh at him secretly. That was a personal satisfaction he craved.
XVI
But Ralph was really intolerable on this particular evening; he had never been more stupid and dull and tiresome. He could say nothing apropos, and, to cap the climax of his loutishness, he gave no sign of taking his leave even when the evening was far advanced. Madame Delmare began to be ill at ease; she glanced alternately at the clock, which had struck eleven—at the door, which had creaked in the wind—and at the expressionless face of her cousin, who sat opposite her in front of the fire, placidly watching the blaze without seeming to suspect that his presence was distasteful.
But Ralph was really unbearable that evening; he had never been more stupid, dull, and annoying. He couldn't say anything meaningful, and to top it off, he showed no sign of leaving even though it was getting late. Madame Delmare started to feel uneasy; she kept glancing at the clock, which had just struck eleven, at the door that was creaking in the wind, and at the blank expression of her cousin, who sat across from her in front of the fire, calmly watching the flames without any hint that his presence was unwelcome.
But Sir Ralph's tranquil mask, his petrified features, concealed at that moment a profound and painful mental agitation. He was a man whom nothing escaped because he observed everything with perfect self-possession. He had not been deceived by Raymon's pretended departure; he perceived very plainly Madame Delmare's anxiety at that moment. He suffered more than she did herself, and he moved irresolutely between the impulse to give her a salutary warning and the fear of giving way to feelings which he disavowed; at last his cousin's interest carried the day, and he summoned all his moral courage in order to break the silence.
But Sir Ralph's calm expression and rigid features hid a deep and painful inner turmoil at that moment. He was a man who noticed everything because he maintained complete composure. He wasn't fooled by Raymon's fake departure; he clearly saw Madame Delmare's anxiety. He felt her distress even more than she did, and he hesitated between the urge to give her a helpful warning and the fear of giving in to emotions he didn’t want to acknowledge. In the end, his concern for his cousin won out, and he gathered all his moral courage to break the silence.
"That reminds me," he said abruptly, following out the line of thought with which his mind was busy, "that it was just a year ago to-day that you and I sat in this chimney-corner as we are sitting now. The clock marked almost the same hour; the weather was cold and threatening as it is to-night. You were ill, and were disturbed by melancholy ideas; a fact that almost makes me believe in the truth of presentiments."
"That reminds me," he said suddenly, continuing with the thought that was occupying his mind, "that it was exactly a year ago today that you and I sat in this fireplace corner like we are now. The clock showed nearly the same time; the weather was cold and gloomy just like it is tonight. You were unwell and troubled by sad thoughts; it’s almost enough to make me believe in the reality of premonitions."
"What can he be coming to?" thought Madame Delmare, gazing at her cousin with mingled surprise and uneasiness.
"What could he be up to?" thought Madame Delmare, looking at her cousin with a mix of surprise and worry.
"Do you remember, Indiana," he continued, "that you felt even less well than usual that night? Why, I can remember your words as if I had just heard them. 'You will call me insane,' you said, 'but some danger is hovering about us and threatening some one of us—threatening me, I have no doubt,' you added; 'I feel intensely agitated, as if some great crisis in my destiny were at hand—I am afraid!' Those are your very words."
"Do you remember, Indiana," he continued, "that you felt even worse than usual that night? I can recall your words as if I had just heard them. 'You will think I'm crazy,' you said, 'but some danger is looming over us and threatening one of us—it's threatening me, I'm sure,' you added; 'I feel really anxious, like some major turning point in my life is about to happen—I’m scared!' Those are your exact words."
"I am no longer ill," said Indiana, who had suddenly turned as pale as at the time of which Sir Ralph spoke; "I no longer believe in such foolish terrors."
"I’m not sick anymore," said Indiana, who had suddenly turned as pale as she was back when Sir Ralph mentioned it; "I no longer believe in such silly fears."
"But I believe in them," he rejoined, "for you were a true prophet that night, Indiana; a great danger did threaten us—a disastrous influence surrounded this peaceful abode."
"But I believe in them," he replied, "because you were a true prophet that night, Indiana; a great danger was threatening us—a disastrous influence surrounded this peaceful home."
"Mon Dieu! I do not understand you!"
"Oh my God! I don't understand you!"
"You soon will understand me, my poor girl. That was the evening that Raymon de Ramière was brought here. Do you remember in what condition?"
"You'll soon understand me, my poor girl. That was the evening Raymon de Ramière was brought here. Do you remember what condition he was in?"
Ralph paused a few seconds, but dared not look at his cousin. As she made no reply, he continued:
Ralph paused for a few seconds but didn’t dare to look at his cousin. Since she didn’t respond, he went on:
"I was told to bring him back to life and I did so, as much to satisfy you as to obey the instincts of humanity; but, in truth, Indiana, it was a great misfortune that I saved that man's life! It was I who did all the harm."
"I was told to bring him back to life, and I did, both to satisfy you and to follow the instincts of being human; but honestly, Indiana, it was a huge mistake that I saved that man's life! I was the one who caused all the trouble."
"I don't know what you mean by harm!" rejoined Indiana, dryly.
"I don't know what you mean by harm!" Indiana replied dryly.
She was deeply moved in advance by the explanation which she foresaw.
She was already deeply touched by the explanation she anticipated.
"I mean that unfortunate creature's death," said Ralph. "But for him she would still be alive; but for his fatal love the lovely, honest girl who loved you so dearly would still be at your side."
"I’m talking about that poor creature’s death," Ralph said. "If it weren't for him, she would still be alive; if it weren't for his tragic love, the beautiful, honest girl who loved you so much would still be by your side."
Thus far Madame Delmare did not understand. She was exasperated beyond measure by the strange and cruel method which her cousin adopted to reproach her for her attachment to Monsieur de Ramière.
Thus far, Madame Delmare did not understand. She was extremely frustrated by the strange and harsh way her cousin chose to criticize her for her feelings for Monsieur de Ramière.
"Enough of this," she said, rising.
"That's enough of this," she said, standing up.
But Ralph apparently took no notice of her remark.
But Ralph didn't seem to pay any attention to her comment.
"What always astonished me," he continued, "was that you never guessed the real motive that led Monsieur de Ramière to scale the walls."
"What always surprised me," he continued, "was that you never figured out the real reason that drove Monsieur de Ramière to climb over the walls."
A suspicion darted through Indiana's mind; her legs trembled under her, and she resumed her seat.
A suspicion shot through Indiana's mind; her legs shook beneath her, and she sat back down.
Ralph had buried the knife in her breast and made a ghastly wound. He no sooner saw the effect of his work than he hated himself for it; he thought only of the injury he had inflicted on the person whom he loved best in all the world; he felt that his heart was breaking. He would have wept bitterly if he could have wept; but the poor fellow had not the gift of tears; he had naught of that which eloquently translates the language of the heart. The external coolness with which he performed the cruel operation gave him the air of an executioner in Indiana's eyes.
Ralph had stabbed her in the chest, creating a horrific wound. As soon as he saw the damage he had caused, he felt a deep self-loathing; all he could think about was the pain he had inflicted on the person he loved most in the world. He felt like his heart was breaking. He would have cried hard if he could have; but he unfortunately didn’t have the ability to shed tears, lacking that raw emotion that powerfully expresses what’s in the heart. The calmness with which he carried out the cruel act made him seem like an executioner in Indiana's eyes.
"This is the first time," she said bitterly, "that I have known your antipathy for Monsieur de Ramière to lead you to employ weapons that are unworthy of you; but I do not see how it assists your vengeance to stain the memory of a person who was dear to me, and whom her melancholy end should have made sacred to us. I have asked you no questions, Sir Ralph; I do not know what you refer to. With your permission I will listen to no more."
"This is the first time," she said bitterly, "that I’ve seen your dislike for Monsieur de Ramière lead you to use weapons unworthy of you; but I don't understand how it helps your revenge to tarnish the memory of someone who was dear to me, and whose tragic end should have made them sacred to us. I haven’t asked you anything, Sir Ralph; I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you don’t mind, I won’t listen to any more."
She rose and left Monsieur Brown bewildered and crushed.
She stood up and left Monsieur Brown feeling confused and defeated.
He had foreseen that he could not enlighten Madame Delmare except at his own expense. His conscience had told him that he must speak, whatever the result might be, and he had done it with all the abruptness of method, all the awkwardness of execution of which he was capable. What he had not fully appreciated was the violence of a remedy so long delayed.
He realized that he couldn’t enlighten Madame Delmare without it costing him. His conscience warned him that he needed to speak up, no matter what happened, and he said it with all the suddenness and clumsiness he could manage. What he hadn’t completely understood was how intense a remedy that had been postponed for so long would be.
He left Lagny in despair and wandered through the forest in a sort of frenzy.
He left Lagny feeling hopeless and roamed through the forest in a kind of frenzy.
It was midnight; Raymon was at the park gate. He opened it, but as he opened it he felt his brow grow chill. For what purpose had he come to this rendezvous? He had made divers virtuous resolutions, but would he be amply rewarded by a chaste interview, by a sisterly kiss, for the torture he was undergoing at that moment? For, if you remember under what circumstances he had previously passed through those garden paths, stealthily, at night, you will understand that it required a certain degree of moral courage to go in search of pleasure along such a road and amid such memories.
It was midnight; Raymon stood at the park gate. He opened it, but as he did, he felt a chill on his forehead. Why had he come to this meeting spot? He had made various good intentions, but would a pure encounter, a sisterly kiss, really reward him for the torment he was feeling right then? If you recall the circumstances under which he had previously walked those garden paths—sneaking around at night—you’ll see that it took a certain level of moral courage to seek pleasure along that route and with those memories in mind.
Late in October the climate of the suburbs of Paris becomes damp and foggy, especially at night and in the neighborhood of streams. Chance decreed that the fog should be as dense on this night as on certain other nights in the preceding spring. Raymon felt his way along the mist-enveloped trees. He passed a summer-house which contained a fine collection of geraniums in winter. He glanced at the door, and his heart beat fast at the extravagant idea that it might open and give egress to a woman wrapped in a pelisse. Raymon smiled at this superstitious weakness and went his way. Nevertheless the cold seized him, and he felt an unpleasant tightness at his throat as he approached the stream.
Late in October, the climate in the suburbs of Paris gets damp and foggy, especially at night and near streams. By chance, the fog was as thick on this night as it had been on some nights in the previous spring. Raymon made his way through the mist-covered trees. He passed by a summer house that had a beautiful collection of geraniums, even in winter. He looked at the door and felt his heart race at the fanciful thought that it might open to reveal a woman wrapped in a coat. Raymon chuckled at this superstitious weakness and continued on his way. Still, the cold gripped him, and he felt an uncomfortable tightness in his throat as he got closer to the stream.
He had to cross it to reach the flower-garden, and the only means of crossing in that vicinity was a narrow wooden bridge. The fog became more dismal than ever over the river-bed, and Raymon clung to the railing of the bridge in order not to go astray among the reeds that grew along the banks. The moon was just rising, and, as it strove to pierce the vapors, cast an uncertain light on the plants which the wind and the current moved to and fro. In the breeze which rustled the leaves and ruffled the surface of the water there was a sort of wailing sound like human words half-spoken. There was a faint sob close beside Raymon and a sudden movement among the reeds; it was a curlew flying away at his approach. The cry of that shore-bird closely resembles the moaning of an abandoned child; and when it comes up from among the reeds you would say that it was the last effort of a drowning man. Perhaps you will consider that Raymon was very weak and cowardly; his teeth chattered and he nearly fell; but he soon realized the absurdity of his terror and crossed the bridge.
He had to cross it to get to the flower garden, and the only way to do that nearby was a narrow wooden bridge. The fog over the riverbed was gloomier than ever, and Raymon held onto the railing of the bridge to avoid getting lost among the reeds growing along the banks. The moon was just rising, and as it tried to break through the mist, it cast a shaky light on the plants that the wind and water swayed back and forth. In the breeze that rustled the leaves and disturbed the surface of the water, there was a sort of wailing sound that resembled half-spoken human words. He heard a faint sob right next to him and noticed a sudden movement among the reeds; it was a curlew flying away as he approached. The call of that shorebird sounded a lot like the whimpering of an abandoned child, and when it emerged from the reeds, it felt like it was the last gasping effort of a drowning man. You might think Raymon was really weak and cowardly; his teeth chattered and he nearly fell, but he soon recognized the absurdity of his fear and crossed the bridge.
He was half-way across when a human figure appeared in front of him, at the end of the rail, as if waiting for him to approach. Raymon's ideas became confused; his bewildered brain had not the strength to reason. He retraced his steps and hid among the trees, gazing with a fixed, terrified stare at that ill-defined apparition which remained in the same place, as vague and uncertain as the river mist and the trembling rays of the moon. He was beginning to believe that in his mental preoccupation he had been deceived, and that what he took for a human form was only a tree-trunk or the stalk of a shrub, when he distinctly saw it move and walk toward him.
He was halfway across when a figure appeared in front of him, at the end of the railing, as if waiting for him to come closer. Raymon's thoughts became jumbled; his confused mind didn’t have the energy to think clearly. He turned back and hid among the trees, staring in horror at that unclear figure which stayed in the same spot, as vague and uncertain as the river mist and the flickering moonlight. He started to think that in his mental distraction, he had been tricked, and that what he thought was a human shape was just a tree trunk or a bush stem, when he clearly saw it move and walk toward him.
At that moment, had not his legs absolutely refused to act, he would have fled in as great a panic as the child who passes a cemetery at night and fancies that he hears mysterious steps running after him on the tips of the blades of grass. But he felt as if he were paralyzed, and, to support himself, threw his arms around the trunk of the willow behind which he was hidden. The next moment Sir Ralph, wrapped in a light cloak which gave him the aspect of a phantom at three yards, passed very close to him and took the path by which he had just come.
At that moment, if his legs hadn’t completely refused to move, he would have run away in a panic like a child passing a cemetery at night, convinced that he hears mysterious footsteps chasing him through the grass. But he felt completely frozen, and to steady himself, he wrapped his arms around the trunk of the willow tree behind which he was hiding. The next moment, Sir Ralph, draped in a light cloak that made him look like a ghost from a distance, walked right past him and took the path he had just come from.
"Bungling spy!" thought Raymon, as he saw him looking for his footprints. "I will escape your cowardly surveillance, and while you are mounting guard here I will be enjoying myself yonder."
"Bungling spy!" thought Raymon as he watched him searching for his footprints. "I'll get away from your pathetic watch, and while you're standing guard here, I'll be having a good time over there."
He crossed the bridge as lightly as a bird, and with the confidence of a lover. His terrors were at an end; Noun had never existed; real life was awakening all about him; Indiana awaited him yonder; and Ralph was on sentry-go to keep him from entering.
He crossed the bridge as lightly as a bird and with the confidence of someone in love. His fears were gone; Noun had never existed; real life was coming alive all around him; Indiana was waiting for him over there; and Ralph was on guard to stop him from entering.
"Watch closely," said Raymon, gayly, as he saw him in the distance going in the opposite direction. "Watch for me, dear Sir Rodolphe Brown; protect my good fortune, O my officious friend; and, if the dogs are restless, if the servants wake, pacify them, keep them quiet by saying: 'It is I who am watching, sleep in peace.'"
"Watch closely," said Raymon cheerfully as he spotted him in the distance heading the other way. "Keep an eye out for me, dear Sir Rodolphe Brown; safeguard my good luck, oh my eager friend; and if the dogs start barking or the servants stir, calm them down by saying: 'It’s me who’s watching, sleep peacefully.'"
Scruples, remorse, virtue were at an end for Raymon; he had paid dearly enough for the hour that was striking. His blood that had frozen in his veins flowed now toward his brain with maddening violence. A moment ago the pallid terrors of death, dismal visions of the tomb; now the impetuous realities of love, the keen joys of life. Raymon felt as bold and full of animation as in the morning, when an ugly dream has enveloped us in its shroud and suddenly a merry sunbeam awakens and revivifies us.
Scruples, guilt, and virtue were gone for Raymon; he had paid a heavy price for the moment that was upon him. The blood that had frozen in his veins now surged to his brain with wild intensity. Just a moment ago, he faced the pale horrors of death, grim images of the grave; now, he was confronted with the intense realities of love and the vibrant joys of life. Raymon felt as bold and energized as he did in the morning when a dark dream had wrapped him in its gloom and suddenly a cheerful sunbeam wakes him up and brings him back to life.
"Poor Ralph!" he thought as he ascended the secret staircase with a bold, light step, "you would have it so!"
"Poor Ralph!" he thought as he climbed the hidden staircase with a confident, easy step, "you would want it this way!"
PART THIRD
XVII
On leaving Sir Ralph, Madame Delmare had locked herself into her room, and a thousand tempestuous thoughts had invaded her mind. It was not the first time that a vague suspicion had cast its ominous light upon the fragile edifice of her happiness. Monsieur Delmare had previously let slip in conversation some of those indelicate jests which pass for compliments. He had complimented Raymon on his knightly triumphs in a way to give the cue to ears that knew naught of the incident. Every time that Madame Delmare had spoken to the gardener, Noun's name had been injected, as if by an unavoidable necessity, into the most trivial details, and then Monsieur de Ramière's had always glided in by virtue of some mysterious junction of ideas which seemed to have taken possession of the man's brain and to beset him in spite of himself. Madame Delmare had been struck by his strange and bungling questions. He became confused in his speech on the slightest pretext; he seemed to be oppressed by a burden of remorse which he betrayed while struggling to conceal it. At other times Indiana had found in Raymon's own confusion those indications which she did not seek, but which forced themselves upon her. One circumstance in particular would have enlightened her further, if she had not closed her mind to all distrust. They had found on Noun's finger a very handsome ring which Madame Delmare had noticed some time before her death and which the girl claimed to have found. Since her death Madame Delmare had always worn that pledge of sorrow, and she had often noticed that Raymon changed color when he took her hand to put it to his lips. Once he had begged her never to mention Noun to him because he looked upon himself as the cause of her death; and when she sought to banish that painful thought by taking all the blame to herself, he had replied:
On leaving Sir Ralph, Madame Delmare locked herself in her room, and a whirlwind of turbulent thoughts flooded her mind. This wasn’t the first time that a vague suspicion had cast a dark shadow over her fragile happiness. Monsieur Delmare had previously made some inappropriate jokes that were meant to be compliments. He had praised Raymon for his chivalrous victories in a way that hinted to those unaware of the events. Each time Madame Delmare had spoken to the gardener, Noun’s name had inevitably slipped into the conversation, even in the most trivial matters, and Monsieur de Ramière’s name always seemed to join in through some peculiar connection of ideas that seemed to occupy the man's mind, much to his own distress. Madame Delmare noticed his odd and awkward questions. He would stumble over his words for the smallest reasons; it felt like he was burdened by a guilt he was trying hard to hide. At other times, Indiana found in Raymon’s own unease the signs she wasn’t even looking for, but that forced themselves upon her. One particular detail would have clarified things further for her, had she not shut herself off from all suspicion. They had discovered a very beautiful ring on Noun’s finger—a ring that Madame Delmare had seen some time before her death, which the girl claimed to have found. Since her death, Madame Delmare had worn that token of sorrow, and she often noticed that Raymon would change color when he took her hand to kiss it. Once he had asked her never to mention Noun to him because he believed himself responsible for her death; and when she tried to ease that painful thought by taking all the blame for herself, he replied:
"No, my poor Indiana, do not accuse yourself; you have no idea how guilty I am."
"No, my poor Indiana, don’t blame yourself; you have no idea how guilty I feel."
Those words, uttered in a bitter, gloomy tone, had alarmed Madame Delmare. She had not dared to insist, and, now that she was beginning to understand all these fragments of discoveries, she had not the courage to fix her thoughts upon them and put them together.
Those words, spoken in a bitter, dark tone, had worried Madame Delmare. She didn’t dare to press the issue, and now that she was starting to make sense of all these pieces of information, she didn’t have the courage to focus on them and connect the dots.
She opened her window, and, as she looked out upon the calm night, upon the moon so pale and lovely behind the silvery vapors on the horizon, as she remembered that Raymon was coming, that he was perhaps in the park even now, and thought of all the joy she had anticipated in that hour of love and mystery, she cursed Ralph who with a word had poisoned her hope and destroyed her repose forever. She even felt that she hated him, the unhappy man who had been a father to her and who had sacrificed his future for her; for his future was Indiana's friendship; that was his only treasure, and he resigned himself to the certainty of forfeiting it in order to save her.
She opened her window and, as she looked out at the calm night and the pale, beautiful moon shining through the silver mist on the horizon, she remembered that Raymon was coming, that he might even be in the park right now. She thought about all the joy she had looked forward to in that hour of love and mystery and cursed Ralph, who with a single word had poisoned her hope and destroyed her peace forever. She even realized she hated him, the unfortunate man who had been like a father to her and had sacrificed his future for her; his future was Indiana's friendship, his only treasure, and he resigned himself to the certainty of losing it to save her.
Indiana could not read in the depths of his heart, nor had she been able to fathom Raymon's. She was unjust, not from ingratitude, but from ignorance. Being under the influence of a strong passion she could not but feel strongly the blow that had been dealt her. For an instant she laid the whole crime upon Ralph, preferring to accuse him rather than to suspect Raymon.
Indiana couldn’t understand what was in the depths of her heart, nor had she been able to grasp Raymon's feelings. She was being unfair, not out of ingratitude, but from a lack of understanding. Under the grip of powerful emotions, she couldn’t help but feel the sting of what had happened to her. For a moment, she blamed the entire situation on Ralph, choosing to accuse him instead of suspecting Raymon.
And then she had so little time to collect her thoughts, and make up her mind: Raymon was coming. Perhaps it was he whom she had seen for some minutes wandering about the little bridge. How much more intense would her aversion for Ralph have been at that moment, if she could have recognized him in that vague figure, which constantly appeared and disappeared in the mist, and which, like a spirit stationed at the gate of the Elysian Fields, sought to keep the guilty man from entering!
And then she had almost no time to gather her thoughts and decide: Raymon was coming. Maybe it was him she had seen wandering around the little bridge for a few minutes. How much stronger her dislike for Ralph would have been at that moment if she had been able to recognize him in that vague figure that kept appearing and disappearing in the mist, like a spirit guarding the entrance to the Elysian Fields, trying to prevent the guilty man from entering!
Suddenly there came to her mind one of those strange, half-formed ideas, which only restless and unhappy persons are capable of conceiving. She risked her whole destiny upon a strange and delicate test against which Raymon could not be on his guard. She had hardly completed her mysterious preparations when she heard Raymon's footsteps on the secret stairway. She ran and unlocked the door, then returned to her chair, so agitated that she felt that she was on the point of falling; but, as in all the great crises of her life, she retained a remarkable clearness of perception and great strength of mind.
Suddenly, one of those strange, half-formed ideas popped into her head, the kind that only restless and unhappy people can come up with. She put her entire future on the line with a delicate test that Raymon wouldn’t see coming. She had barely finished her secret preparations when she heard Raymon’s footsteps on the hidden stairway. She rushed to unlock the door, then went back to her chair, so anxious that she felt like she might collapse; but, just like in all the major turning points of her life, she maintained an impressive clarity of thought and great mental strength.
Raymon was still pale and breathless when he opened the door; impatient to see the light, to grasp reality once more. Indiana's back was turned to him, she was wrapped in a fur-lined pelisse. By a strange chance it was the same that Noun wore when she went to meet him in the park at their last rendezvous. I do not know if you remember that at that time Raymon had had for an instant the untenable idea that that woman shrouded in her cloak was Madame Delmare. Now, when he saw once more the same apparition sitting inert in a chair, with her head on her breast, by the light of a pale, flickering lamp, on the same spot where so many memories awaited him, in that room which he had not entered since the darkest night in his life and which was full to overflowing of his remorse, he involuntarily recoiled and remained in the doorway, his terrified gaze fixed upon that motionless figure, and trembling like a coward, lest, when it turned, it should display the livid features of a drowned woman.
Raymon was still pale and out of breath when he opened the door, eager to see the light and grasp reality once more. Indiana had her back to him, wrapped in a fur-lined coat. Strangely, it was the same one that Noun wore when she met him in the park at their last rendezvous. I don't know if you remember, but at that time, Raymon briefly had the overwhelming thought that this woman wrapped in her coat was Madame Delmare. Now, as he saw the same figure sitting still in a chair with her head on her chest, illuminated by a dim, flickering lamp in that room filled with memories, where he hadn't entered since the darkest night of his life—filled to the brim with his regret—he involuntarily stepped back and stayed in the doorway, his terrified gaze fixed on that motionless figure, trembling like a coward, in fear that when it turned, it would reveal the pale features of a drowned woman.
Madame Delmare had no suspicion of the effect she produced upon Raymon. She had wound about her head a handkerchief of India silk, tied carelessly in true creole style; it was Noun's usual head-dress. Raymon, fairly overcome by terror, nearly fell backward, thinking that his superstitious fancies were realized. But, recognizing the woman he had come to seduce, he forgot the one whom he had seduced and walked toward her. Her face wore a grave, meditative expression: she gazed earnestly at him, but with close attention rather than affection, and did not make a motion to draw him to her side more quickly.
Madame Delmare had no idea of the impact she had on Raymon. She had wrapped a handkerchief of Indian silk around her head, tied loosely in a casual Creole style; it was Noun's usual headwear. Raymon, nearly paralyzed by fear, almost stumbled back, convinced that his superstitious worries had come true. But, recognizing the woman he intended to seduce, he forgot about the one he had already seduced and walked toward her. Her face had a serious, thoughtful look: she stared intently at him, showing more focus than warmth, and didn’t make any move to bring him to her side more quickly.
Raymon, surprised by this reception, attributed it to some scruple of chastity, to some girlish impulse of delicacy or constraint. He knelt at her feet, saying:
Raymon, taken aback by this welcome, thought it was due to some concern for modesty, some girl-like feeling of delicacy or restraint. He knelt at her feet, saying:
"Are you afraid of me, my beloved?" But at that moment he noticed that Madame Delmare held something in her hands to which she seemed to direct his attention with a playful affectation of gravity. He looked more closely and saw a mass of black hair, of varying lengths, which seemed to have been cut in haste, and which Indiana was smoothing with her hand.
"Are you scared of me, my love?" But at that moment he noticed that Madame Delmare was holding something in her hands that she seemed to be showing him with a playful seriousness. He looked closer and saw a bunch of black hair, of different lengths, that looked like it had been cut quickly, and Indiana was smoothing it with her hand.
"Do you recognize it?" she asked, fastening upon him her limpid eyes, in which there was a peculiar, penetrating gleam.
"Do you recognize it?" she asked, locking her clear eyes onto him, which had a unique, piercing shine.
Raymon hesitated, looked again at the handkerchief about her head, and thought that he understood.
Raymon hesitated, glanced again at the handkerchief around her head, and thought he got it.
"Naughty girl!" he said, taking the hair in his hand, "why did you cut it off? It was so beautiful, and I loved it so dearly!"
"Naughty girl!" he said, grabbing her hair, "why did you cut it off? It was so beautiful, and I loved it so much!"
"You asked me yesterday," she said with the shadow of a smile, "if I would sacrifice it to you."
"You asked me yesterday," she said with a hint of a smile, "if I would give it up for you."
"O Indiana!" cried Raymon, "you know well that you will be lovelier than ever to me henceforth. Give it to me. I do not choose to regret the absence from your head of that glorious hair which I admired every day, and which now I can kiss every day without restraint. Give it to me, so that it may never leave me."
"O Indiana!" cried Raymon, "you know you’ll always be more beautiful to me from now on. Give it to me. I don’t want to regret the beautiful hair that used to adorn your head, which I admired daily, and now I can kiss without holding back. Give it to me, so that it will never be away from me."
But as he gathered up in his hand that luxuriant mass of which some locks reached to the floor, Raymon fancied that it had a dry, rough feeling which his fingers had never noticed in the silken tresses over Indiana's forehead. He was conscious, also, of an indefinable nervous thrill, it felt so cold and dead, as if it had been cut a long time, and seemed to have lost its perfumed moisture and vital warmth. Then he looked at it again, and sought in vain the blue gleam which made Indiana's hair resemble the blue-black wing of the crow; this was of an Ethiopian black, of an Indian texture, of a lifeless heaviness.
But as he gathered up in his hand that luxurious mass, some strands reaching to the floor, Raymon thought it felt dry and rough, a texture his fingers had never noticed in the silky locks framing Indiana's forehead. He also sensed an indescribable nervous thrill; it felt so cold and lifeless, as if it had been cut a long time ago, seeming to lack its fragrant moisture and vital warmth. Then he looked at it again, trying in vain to find the blue gleam that made Indiana's hair look like the blue-black wing of a crow; this was a deep black, with an Indian texture, and a lifeless heaviness.
Indiana's bright piercing eyes followed Raymon's. He turned them involuntarily upon an open ebony casket from which several locks of the same hair protruded.
Indiana's bright, sharp eyes followed Raymon's. He couldn't help but turn toward an open ebony casket from which several locks of the same hair stuck out.
"This is not yours," he said, untying the kerchief which concealed Madame Delmare's hair.
"This isn't yours," he said, undoing the kerchief that covered Madame Delmare's hair.
It was untouched, and fell over her shoulders in all its splendor. But she made a gesture as if to push him away and said, still pointing to the hair:
It was flawless, cascading over her shoulders in all its glory. But she made a gesture as if to push him away and said, still pointing to her hair:
"Don't you recognize this? Did you never admire, never caress it? Has the damp night air robbed it of all its fragrance? Have you not a thought, a tear for her who wore this ring?"
"Don't you recognize this? Did you never admire it, never hold it gently? Has the humid night air taken away all its scent? Do you not have a thought, a tear for the one who wore this ring?"
Raymon sank upon a chair; Noun's locks fell from his trembling hand. So much painful excitement had exhausted him. He was a man of choleric temper, whose blood flowed rapidly, whose nerves were easily and deeply irritated. He shivered from head to foot and fell in a swoon on the floor.
Raymon collapsed into a chair; Noun's hair slipped from his shaking hand. The intense emotional turmoil had drained him. He was a hot-tempered man, whose blood raced quickly and whose nerves were easily and deeply agitated. He trembled from head to toe and fainted on the floor.
When he came to himself, Madame Delmare was on her knees beside him, weeping copiously and asking his forgiveness; but Raymon no longer loved her.
When he regained his senses, Madame Delmare was kneeling next to him, crying heavily and begging for his forgiveness; but Raymon no longer loved her.
"You have inflicted a horrible wound on me," he said; "a wound which it is not in your power to cure. You will never restore the confidence I had in your heart; that is evident to me. You have shown me how vindictive and cruel your heart can be. Poor Noun! poor unhappy girl! It was she whom I treated badly, not you; it was she who had the right to avenge herself, and she did not. She took her own life in order to leave me the future. She sacrificed herself to my repose. You are not the woman to have done as much, madame! Give me her hair; it is mine—it belongs to me; it is all that remains to me of the only woman who ever loved me truly. Unhappy Noun! you were worthy of a better love! And you, madame, dare to reproach me with her death; you, whom I loved so well that I forgot her—that I defied the ghastly torture of remorse; you who, on the faith of a kiss, have led me across that river—across that bridge—alone, with terror at my side, pursued by the infernal illusions of my crime! And when you discover with what a frantic passion I love you, you bury your woman's nails in my heart, seeking there another drop of blood which may still be made to flow for you! Ah! when I spurned so devoted a love to take up with so savage a passion as yours, I was no less mad than guilty."
"You've given me a terrible wound," he said. "A wound that you can't heal. I'll never get back the trust I had in your heart; that's clear to me. You've shown me how vindictive and cruel you can be. Poor Noun! Poor, unhappy girl! She was the one I treated badly, not you; she had every right to get her revenge, and she didn't. She took her own life to leave me with a future. She sacrificed herself for my peace. You are not the kind of woman who would do that, madame! Give me her hair; it’s mine—it belongs to me; it’s all I have left of the only woman who ever truly loved me. Unfortunate Noun! You deserved a better love! And you, madame, have the nerve to blame me for her death; you, whom I loved so much that I forgot her—that I faced the horrifying pain of remorse; you who, on the strength of a kiss, led me across that river—across that bridge—alone, with terror by my side, haunted by the hellish visions of my crime! And when you realize how passionately I love you, you dig your nails into my heart, trying to squeeze out another drop of blood that might still flow for you! Ah! When I rejected such devoted love to pursue such a savage passion like yours, I was just as mad as I was guilty."
Madame Delmare did not reply. Pale and motionless, with dishevelled hair and staring eyes, she moved Raymon to pity. He took her hand.
Madame Delmare didn’t respond. Pale and still, with unkempt hair and wide eyes, she stirred Raymon’s compassion. He took her hand.
"And yet," he said, "this love I feel for you is so blind that, in spite of myself, I can still forget the past and the present—the sin that blasted my life and the crime you have just committed. So love me, and I will forgive you."
"And yet," he said, "this love I have for you is so blind that, despite myself, I can still forget the past and the present—the sin that ruined my life and the crime you just committed. So love me, and I will forgive you."
Madame Delmare's despair rekindled desire and pride in her lover's heart. When he saw how dismayed she was at the thought of losing his love—how humble before him, how resigned to accept his decrees for the future by way of atonement for the past—he remembered what his intentions had been when he eluded Ralph's vigilance, and he realized all the advantages of his position. He pretended to be absorbed in a melancholy, sombre reverie for some moments; he hardly responded to Indiana's tears and caresses. He waited until her heart should break and overflow in sobs, until she should realize all the horrors of desertion—until she should have exhausted all her strength in heart-rending emotion; and then, when he saw her at his feet, fainting, utterly worn out, awaiting death at a word from him, he seized her in his arms with convulsive passion and strained her to his heart. She yielded like a weak child; she abandoned her lips to him unresistingly. She was almost dead.
Madame Delmare's despair reignited desire and pride in her lover's heart. When he saw how upset she was at the thought of losing his love—how humble she was before him, how willing to accept his decisions about the future as a way of making up for the past—he remembered what his intentions had been when he avoided Ralph's watchfulness, and he realized all the benefits of his position. He pretended to be lost in a deep, gloomy thought for a while; he hardly reacted to Indiana's tears and embraces. He waited until her heart broke and overflowed with sobs, until she grasped all the horrors of abandonment—until she had exhausted all her energy in heart-wrenching emotion; and then, when he saw her at his feet, fainting, completely worn out, waiting for him to say the word that would lead to her demise, he pulled her into his arms with intense passion and pressed her to his heart. She gave in like a frail child; she surrendered her lips to him without resistance. She was almost lifeless.
But suddenly, as if waking from a dream, she snatched herself away from his burning caresses, rushed to the end of the room where Sir Ralph's portrait hung on the panel; and, as if she would place herself under the protection of that grave personage with the unruffled brow and tranquil lips, she shrank back against the portrait, wild-eyed, quivering from head to foot, in the clutches of a strange fear. It was this that made Raymon think that she had been deeply moved in his arms—that she was afraid of herself—that she was his. He ran to her; drew her by force from her retreat, and told her that he had come with the purpose of keeping his promises, but that her cruel treatment of him had absolved him from his oath.
But suddenly, as if waking from a dream, she pulled away from his passionate touches, rushed to the end of the room where Sir Ralph's portrait hung on the wall; and, as if seeking protection from that serious figure with the calm expression and serene lips, she pressed back against the portrait, wild-eyed, trembling all over, gripped by a strange fear. This made Raymon think that she had been profoundly affected in his arms—that she was afraid of herself—that she belonged to him. He ran to her, forcibly pulled her away from her hiding spot, and told her that he had come to fulfill his promises, but that her harsh treatment of him had released him from his vow.
"I am no longer either your slave or your ally," he said. "I am simply the man who loves you madly and who has you in his arms, a wicked, capricious, cruel, mad creature, but lovely and adored. With sweet, confiding words you might have cooled my blood. Had you been as calm and generous as yesterday, you would have made me mild and submissive as usual. But you have kindled all my passions, overturned all my ideas. You have made me unhappy, cowardly, ill, frantic, desperate, one after another. You must make me happy now, or I feel that I can no longer believe in you—that I can no longer love you or bless you. Forgive me, Indiana, forgive me! If I frighten you it is your own fault; you have made me suffer so that I have lost my reason!"
"I’m no longer your slave or your ally," he said. "I’m just the guy who loves you madly and who has you in his arms, a wicked, unpredictable, cruel, crazy person, but beautiful and cherished. With sweet, trusting words, you could have calmed me down. If you had been as calm and generous as you were yesterday, you would have made me gentle and submissive like usual. But you’ve ignited all my passions, turned my world upside down. You’ve made me unhappy, cowardly, sick, frantic, desperate, one after another. You need to make me happy now, or I feel like I can’t believe in you anymore—that I can’t love you or bless you anymore. Forgive me, Indiana, forgive me! If I scare you, it’s your fault; you’ve made me suffer so much that I’ve lost my mind!"
Indiana trembled in every limb. She knew so little of life that she believed resistance to be impossible; she was ready to concede from fear what she would refuse from love; but, as she struggled feebly in Raymon's arms, she said, in desperation:
Indiana trembled all over. She knew so little about life that she thought giving in was unavoidable; she was prepared to surrender out of fear what she would reject out of love. But as she weakly fought in Raymon's arms, she said, in desperation:
"So you are capable of using force with me?"
"So you can use force against me?"
Raymon paused, impressed with this moral resistance, which survived physical resistance. He hastily pushed her away.
Raymon paused, impressed by this moral strength that endured despite the physical struggle. He quickly pushed her away.
"Never!" he cried: "I would rather die than possess you except by your own will!"
"Never!" he shouted. "I'd rather die than have you unless it's your own choice!"
He threw himself on his knees, and all that the mind can supply in place of the heart, all the poesy that the imagination can impart to the ardor of the blood, he expressed in a fervent and dangerous entreaty. And when he saw that she did not surrender, he yielded to necessity and reproached her with not loving him; a commonplace expedient which he despised and which made him smile, with a feeling of something like shame at having to do with a woman so innocent as not to smile at it herself.
He dropped to his knees, pouring out everything the mind can offer instead of the heart, all the poetic words that imagination can lend to passion. In a fervent and risky plea, he laid it all bare. When he realized she wasn’t giving in, he succumbed to the situation and accused her of not loving him; a typical tactic he looked down on, which made him grin, feeling a bit ashamed to be dealing with a woman so pure that she didn’t even smile at it herself.
That reproach went to Indiana's heart more swiftly than all the exclamations with which Raymon had embellished his discourse.
That accusation struck Indiana's heart faster than all the words Raymon had added to his speech.
But suddenly she remembered.
But then she suddenly remembered.
"Raymon," she said, "the other, who loved you so dearly—of whom we were speaking just now—she refused you nothing, I suppose?"
"Raymon," she said, "the other one, who loved you so much—who we were just talking about—she didn't turn you down for anything, did she?"
"Nothing!" exclaimed Raymon, annoyed by this inopportune reminder. "Instead of reminding me of her so continually, you would do well to make me forget how dearly she loved me!"
"Nothing!" Raymon exclaimed, irritated by this untimely reminder. "Instead of constantly bringing her up, you should help me forget just how much she loved me!"
"Listen!" rejoined Indiana, thoughtfully and gravely; "have a little courage, for I must say something more. Perhaps you have not been as guilty towards me as I thought. It would be sweet to me to be able to forgive you for what I considered a mortal insult. Tell me then—when I surprised you here—for whom did you come? for her or for me?"
"Listen!" Indiana replied, thoughtfully and seriously. "Have a bit of courage, because I need to say something more. Maybe you haven't wronged me as much as I believed. It would mean a lot to me to forgive you for what I saw as a serious insult. So tell me—when I caught you here—who were you here for? Her or me?"
Raymon hesitated; then, as he thought that the truth would soon be known to Madame Delmare, that perhaps she knew it already, he answered:
Raymon hesitated; then, as he realized that the truth would soon be revealed to Madame Delmare, and that she might already know it, he responded:
"For her."
"For her."
"Well, I prefer it so," she said sadly; "I prefer an infidelity to an insult. Be frank to the end, Raymon. How long had you been in my room when I came? Remember that Ralph knows all, and that, if I chose to question him——"
"Well, I prefer it this way," she said sadly; "I’d rather deal with infidelity than an insult. Be honest till the end, Raymon. How long were you in my room when I arrived? Keep in mind that Ralph knows everything, and if I decide to question him——"
"There is no need of Sir Ralph's testimony, madame. I had been here since the night before."
"There’s no need for Sir Ralph’s testimony, ma’am. I’ve been here since last night."
"And you had passed the night in this room. Your silence is a sufficient answer."
"And you spent the night in this room. Your silence says enough."
They both remained silent for some moments; then Indiana rose and was about to continue, when a sharp knock at the door checked the flow of the blood in her veins. Neither she nor Raymon dared to breathe.
They both stayed quiet for a few moments; then Indiana stood up and was about to keep talking when a loud knock on the door made her heart race. Neither she nor Raymon dared to breathe.
A paper was slipped under the door. It was a leaf from a note-book on which these words were scrawled in pencil, almost illegibly:
A piece of paper was slipped under the door. It was a page from a notebook with these words scribbled in pencil, nearly unreadable:
"Your husband is here.
"Your husband's here."
"RALPH."
"RALPH."
XVIII
"This is a wretchedly devised falsehood," said Raymon, as soon as the sound of Ralph's footsteps had died away. "Sir Ralph needs a lesson, and I will administer it in such shape——"
"This is a poorly crafted lie," said Raymon, as soon as the sound of Ralph's footsteps faded away. "Sir Ralph needs a lesson, and I will deliver it in such a way——"
"I forbid it," said Indiana, in a cold, determined tone: "my husband is here: Ralph never lied. You and I are lost. There was a time when the thought would have frozen me with horror; to-day it matters little to me!"
"I won't allow it," said Indiana, in a cold, determined tone. "My husband is here: Ralph never lied. You and I are doomed. There was a time when the thought would have chilled me with fear; today it barely matters to me!"
"Very well!" said Raymon, seizing her in his arms excitedly, "since death encompasses us, be mine! Forgive everything, and let your last word in this supreme moment be a word of love, my last breath a breath of joy."
"Alright!" said Raymon, grabbing her in his arms excitedly, "since death surrounds us, be mine! Forgive everything, and let your last word in this final moment be a word of love, my last breath a breath of joy."
"This moment of terror and courage might have been the sweetest moment in my life," she said, "but you have spoiled it for me."
"This moment of fear and bravery could have been the best moment of my life," she said, "but you ruined it for me."
There was a rumbling of wheels in the farmyard, and the bell at the gate of the château was rung by a strong and impatient hand.
There was a noise of wheels in the farmyard, and a strong and impatient hand rang the bell at the château gate.
"I know that ring," said Indiana, watchful and cool. "Ralph did not lie; but you have time to escape; go!"
"I recognize that ring," Indiana said, alert and composed. "Ralph wasn't lying; but you still have time to get away; go!"
"I will not," cried Raymon; "I suspect some despicable treachery and you shall not be the only victim. I will remain and my breast shall protect you——"
"I won't," shouted Raymon; "I suspect some nasty betrayal and you won't be the only one to suffer. I'll stay and my heart will protect you——"
"There is no treachery—listen—the servants are stirring and the gate will be opened directly. Go: the trees in the garden will conceal you, and the moon is not fairly out yet. Not a word more, but go!"
"There’s no betrayal—listen—the servants are moving around and the gate will be opened soon. Go: the trees in the garden will hide you, and the moon hasn’t fully risen yet. Not another word, just go!"
Raymon was compelled to obey; but she accompanied him to the foot of the stairs and cast a searching glance about the flower-garden. All was silent and calm. She stood a long while on the last stair, listening with terror to the grinding of his footsteps on the gravel, entirely oblivious of her husband's arrival. What cared she for his suspicions and his anger, provided that Raymon was out of danger?
Raymon had to obey, but she walked with him to the bottom of the stairs and looked around the flower garden. Everything was quiet and peaceful. She stood for a long time on the bottom step, listening in fear to his footsteps crunching on the gravel, completely unaware of her husband's arrival. She didn't care about his suspicions or his anger, as long as Raymon was safe.
As for him he crossed the stream and hurried swiftly through the park. He reached the small gate and, in his excitement, had some difficulty in opening it. He was no sooner in the road than Sir Ralph appeared in front of him and said with as much sang-froid as if he were accosting him at a party:
As for him, he crossed the stream and hurried quickly through the park. He reached the small gate and, in his excitement, struggled a bit to open it. No sooner was he on the road than Sir Ralph appeared in front of him and said with the same coolness as if they were meeting at a party:
"Be good enough to let me have that key. If there should be a search for it, it would be less inconvenient for it to be found in my hands."
"Please be kind enough to give me that key. If there happens to be a search for it, it would be less of a hassle for it to be found with me."
Raymon would have preferred the most deadly insult to this satirical generosity.
Raymon would have rather received the harshest insult than this sarcastic kind gesture.
"I am not the man to forget a well-meant service," said he; "I am the man to avenge an insult and to punish treachery."
"I’m not the kind of guy to forget a kind gesture," he said; "I’m the kind of guy who avenges insults and punishes betrayal."
Sir Ralph changed neither his tone nor his expression.
Sir Ralph didn't change his tone or his expression.
"I want none of your gratitude," he rejoined, "and I await your vengeance tranquilly; but this is no time to talk. There is your path—think of Madame Delmare's good name."
"I don't want any of your thanks," he replied, "and I'm calmly waiting for your revenge; but now isn't the time to discuss it. There's your way—consider Madame Delmare's reputation."
And he disappeared.
And he vanished.
This night of agitation had overturned Raymon's brain so completely that he would readily have believed in witchcraft at that moment. He reached Cercy at daybreak and went to bed with a raging fever.
This night of turmoil had completely turned Raymon's mind upside down, making him easily believe in witchcraft at that moment. He arrived at Cercy at dawn and went to bed with a high fever.
As for Madame Delmare, she did the honors of the breakfast table for her husband and cousin with much calmness and dignity. She had not as yet reflected upon her situation; she was absolutely under the influence of instinct, which enjoined sang-froid and presence of mind upon her. The colonel was gloomy and thoughtful, but it was his business alone that preoccupied him, and no jealous suspicion found a place in his thoughts.
As for Madame Delmare, she hosted the breakfast table for her husband and cousin with calmness and grace. She hadn't yet thought about her situation; she was completely guided by instinct, which demanded composure and presence of mind from her. The colonel was gloomy and pensive, but he was solely focused on his own business, and no jealous doubts crossed his mind.
Toward evening Raymon mustered courage to think about his love; but that love had diminished materially. He loved obstacles; but he hated to be bored and he foresaw that he should be bored times without number now that Indiana had the right to reproach him. However, he remembered at last that his honor demanded that he should inquire for her, and he sent his servant to prowl around Lagny and find out what was going on there. The servant brought him the following letter which Madame Delmare herself had handed him:
Toward evening, Raymon gathered the courage to think about his love; but that love had significantly faded. He loved challenges, but he couldn’t stand being bored, and he anticipated that he would be bored countless times now that Indiana had the right to confront him. However, he finally recalled that his honor required him to check on her, so he sent his servant to wander around Lagny and find out what was happening there. The servant returned with the following letter that Madame Delmare herself had given him:
"I hoped last night that I should lose either my reason or my life. Unhappily for me I have retained both; but I will not complain, I have deserved the suffering that I am undergoing; I chose to live this tempestuous life; it would be cowardly to recoil to-day. I do not know whether you are guilty, I do not want to know. We will never return to that subject, will we? It causes us both too much suffering: so let this be the last time it is mentioned between us.
"I hoped last night that I would either lose my mind or my life. Unfortunately for me, I still have both; but I won’t complain, I’ve earned the suffering I’m going through; I chose to live this turbulent life; it would be cowardly to back down today. I don’t know if you’re guilty, and I don’t want to know. We’re never going to bring that up again, right? It causes us both too much pain: so let this be the last time we mention it between us."
"You said one thing at which I felt a cruel joy. Poor Noun! from your place in heaven forgive me! you no longer suffer, you no longer love, perhaps you pity me! You told me, Raymon, that you sacrificed that unhappy girl to me, that you loved me better than her. Oh! do not take it back; you said it, and I feel so strongly the need to believe it that I do believe it. And yet your conduct last night, your entreaties, your wild outbreaks, might well have made me doubt it. I forgave you on account of the mental disturbance under which you were laboring; but now you have had time to reflect, to become yourself once more; tell me, will you renounce loving me in that way? I, who love you with my heart, have believed hitherto that I could arouse in you a love as pure as my own. And then I had not thought very much about the future; I had not looked ahead very far, and I had not taken alarm at the thought that the day might come when, conquered by your devotion, I should sacrifice to you my scruples and my repugnance. But to-day, it can no longer be the same; I can see in the future only a ghastly parallel between myself and Noun! Oh! the thought of being loved no more than she was! If I believed it! And yet she was lovelier than I, far lovelier! Why did you prefer me? You must have loved me differently and better.—That is what I wanted you to say. Will you give up being my lover in the way that you have been? In that case I can still esteem you, believe in your remorse, your sincerity, your love; if not, think of me no more, you will never see me again. I shall die of it perhaps, but I would rather die than descend so low as to be your mistress."
"You said something that gave me a twisted sense of joy. Poor Noun! From your place in heaven, forgive me! You no longer suffer, you no longer love; maybe you pity me! You told me, Raymon, that you sacrificed that poor girl for me, that you loved me more than her. Oh, please don't take that back; you said it, and I need to believe it so much that I do believe it. Yet your behavior last night, your pleas, your wild outbursts, could easily make me doubt it. I forgave you because of the mental turmoil you were going through; but now you've had time to think and regain yourself. Tell me, will you stop loving me like that? I, who love you with all my heart, believed that I could inspire in you a love as pure as mine. And I hadn’t thought much about the future; I hadn’t looked ahead too far or been alarmed at the idea that one day, overwhelmed by your devotion, I might sacrifice my principles and my reluctance for you. But today, I can't help but see a horrifying parallel between myself and Noun! Oh, the thought of being loved no more than she was! If I could believe that! Yet she was more beautiful than I, far more beautiful! Why did you choose me? You must have loved me differently and more deeply.—That's what I wanted you to say. Will you give up being my lover in the way you have been? If so, I can still respect you, believe in your remorse, your honesty, your love; if not, forget about me. You will never see me again. I might die from it, but I’d rather die than lower myself to be your mistress."
Raymon was sorely embarrassed as to how he should reply. This pride offended him; he had never supposed hitherto that a woman who had thrown herself into his arms could resist him thus outspokenly and give reasons for her resistance.
Raymon was really embarrassed about how to respond. Her pride upset him; he had never thought that a woman who had thrown herself into his arms could so openly resist him and explain her reasons for doing so.
"She does not love me," he said to himself; "her heart is dry, she is naturally overbearing."
"She doesn't love me," he told himself; "her heart is cold, and she's just naturally bossy."
From that moment he loved her no longer. She had ruffled his self-esteem; she had disappointed his hope of triumph, defeated his anticipations of pleasure. In his eyes she was no more than Noun had been. Poor Indiana! who longed to be so much more! Her passionate love was misunderstood, her blind confidence was spurned. Raymon had never understood her; how could he have continued to love her?
From that moment, he no longer loved her. She had damaged his self-esteem; she had let him down in his hopes of victory, crushed his expectations of joy. To him, she was no different than Noun had been. Poor Indiana! who wished to be so much more! Her passionate love was misinterpreted, her unwavering trust was rejected. Raymon had never truly understood her; how could he have continued to love her?
Thereupon he swore, in his irritation, that he would triumph over her; he swore it not from a feeling of pride but in a revengeful spirit. It was no longer a matter of snatching a new pleasure, but of punishing an insult; of possessing a woman, but of subduing her. He swore that he would be her master, were it for but a single day, and that then he would abandon her, to have the satisfaction of seeing her at his feet.
Thereupon he swore, in his irritation, that he would triumph over her; he swore it not from a feeling of pride but in a revengeful spirit. It was no longer about grabbing a new pleasure, but about punishing an insult; about having a woman, but about controlling her. He swore that he would be her master, even if just for a single day, and then he would leave her, just to have the satisfaction of seeing her at his feet.
On the spur of the moment he wrote this letter:
On a whim, he wrote this letter:
"You want me to promise. Foolish girl, can you think of such a thing? I will promise whatever you choose, because I can do nothing but obey you; but, if I break my promises I shall be guilty neither to God nor to you. If you loved me, Indiana, you would not inflict these cruel torments on me, you would not expose me to the risk of perjuring myself, you would not blush at the thought of being my mistress. But you think that in my arms you would be degraded——"
"You want me to promise. Silly girl, can you really think like that? I’ll agree to whatever you want because I can only follow your lead; but if I break my promises, I won't be in the wrong with either God or you. If you truly cared for me, Indiana, you wouldn’t put me through these painful struggles, you wouldn’t make me risk lying, you wouldn’t be ashamed at the idea of being with me. But you believe that being with me would somehow lower you—"
He felt that his bitterness was making itself manifest, despite his efforts; he tore up this sheet, and, after taking time to reflect, began anew:
He realized that his bitterness was showing, no matter how hard he tried to hide it; he ripped up the sheet of paper and, after taking some time to think, started over:
"You admit that you nearly lost your reason last night; for my part, I lost mine altogether. I was culpable—but no, I was mad! Forget those hours of suffering and excitement. I am calm now; I have reflected; I am still worthy of you. Bless you, my angel from heaven, for saving me from myself, for reminding me how I ought to love you. Now, Indiana, command me! I am your slave, as you well know. I would give my life for an hour in your arms; but I can suffer a whole lifetime to obtain a smile from you. I will be your friend, your brother, nothing more. If I suffer, you shall not know it. If my blood boils when I am near you, if my breast takes fire, if a cloud passes before my eyes when I touch your hand, if a sweet kiss from your lips, a sisterly kiss, scorches my forehead, I will order my blood to be calm, my brain to grow cool, my mouth to respect you. I will be gentle, I will be submissive, I will be unhappy,—if you will be the happier therefor and enjoy my agony,—if only I may hear you tell me again that you love me! Oh! tell me so! give me back your confidence and my joy! tell me when we shall meet again. I know not what result the events of last night may have had; how does it happen that you do not refer to the subject, that you leave me in an agony of suspense? Carle saw you all three walking together in the park. The colonel seemed ill or depressed, but not angry. In that case that Ralph did not betray us! What a strange man! But to what extent can we rely on his discretion; and how shall I dare show myself at Lagny now that our fate is in his hands? But I will dare. If it is necessary to stoop so low as to implore him, I will silence my pride, I will overcome my aversion, I will do anything rather than lose you. A word from you and I will burden my life with as much remorse as I am able to carry; for you I would abandon my mother herself; for you I would commit any crime. Ah! if you realized the depth of my love, Indiana!"
"You admit that you almost lost your mind last night; for me, I completely lost mine. I was at fault—but no, I was insane! Let’s forget those hours of pain and excitement. I’m calm now; I’ve thought it through; I’m still deserving of you. Thank you, my angel from heaven, for saving me from myself and reminding me how I should love you. Now, Indiana, give me orders! I’m your servant, as you know. I would give my life for an hour in your arms; but I can endure an entire lifetime just to see you smile. I will be your friend, your brother, nothing more. If I suffer, you won’t know it. If my blood heats up when I'm near you, if my heart ignites, if I see stars when I touch your hand, if a sweet kiss from your lips, a sisterly kiss, burns my forehead, I will force myself to stay calm, to keep my mind cool, to respect you. I will be gentle, I will be submissive, I will be unhappy—if that makes you happier and allows you to enjoy my pain—if only I can hear you say again that you love me! Oh! Please tell me so! Give me back your trust and my happiness! Tell me when we’ll meet again. I don’t know what consequences last night may have had; why do you not bring it up, leaving me in this torturous suspense? Carle saw you three walking together in the park. The colonel seemed sick or down, but not angry. That means Ralph didn’t betray us! What a strange guy! But how much should we trust his discretion, and how can I dare to show my face at Lagny now that our fate is in his hands? But I will dare. If I have to lower myself to beg him, I’ll swallow my pride, I’ll overcome my distaste, I’ll do anything rather than lose you. One word from you and I’ll carry as much remorse as I can handle for the rest of my life; for you, I’d abandon my own mother; for you, I'd commit any crime. Ah! If only you knew the depth of my love, Indiana!"
The pen fell from Raymon's hands; he was terribly fatigued, he was falling asleep. But he read over his letter to make sure that his ideas had not suffered from the influence of drowsiness; but it was impossible for him to understand his own meaning, his brain was so affected by his physical exhaustion. He rang for his servant, bade him go to Lagny before daybreak; then slept that deep, refreshing sleep whose tranquil delights only those who are thoroughly satisfied with themselves really know. Madame Delmare had not retired; she was unconscious of fatigue and passed the night writing. When she received Raymon's letter she answered it in haste:
The pen slipped from Raymon's hands; he was extremely tired and on the verge of falling asleep. However, he reread his letter to ensure that drowsiness hadn't clouded his thoughts, but he struggled to comprehend his own message as his mind was too weary. He called for his servant and instructed him to go to Lagny before dawn; then he fell into a deep, refreshing sleep, the kind of peaceful rest that only those who are truly content with themselves can appreciate. Madame Delmare hadn’t gone to bed; she was unaware of her fatigue and spent the night writing. When she received Raymon's letter, she replied quickly:
"Thanks, Raymon, thanks! you restore my strength and my life. Now I can dare anything, endure anything; for you love me, and the most severe tests do not alarm you. Yes, we will meet again—we will defy everybody. Ralph may do what he will with our secret. I am no longer disturbed about anything since you love me; I am not even afraid of my husband.
"Thanks, Raymon, thanks! You give me strength and make me feel alive again. Now I can face anything, get through anything; because you love me, and even the toughest challenges don't scare you. Yes, we will see each other again—we will challenge everyone. Ralph can do whatever he wants with our secret. I’m not worried about anything anymore since you love me; I’m not even afraid of my husband."
"You want to know about our affairs? I forgot to mention them yesterday, and yet they have taken a turn which has an important bearing on my fortunes. We are ruined. There is some talk of selling Lagny, and even of going to live in the colonies. But of what consequence is all that? I cannot make up my mind to think about it. I know that we shall never be parted. You have sworn it, Raymon; I rely on your promise, do you rely on my courage. Nothing will frighten me, nothing will turn me back. My place is established at your side, and death alone can tear me from it."
"You want to know about what’s been going on with us? I forgot to mention it yesterday, but things have changed in a way that really affects my future. We’re finished. There’s talk of selling Lagny and even moving to the colonies. But what does that even matter? I can’t bring myself to think about it. I know we’ll never be apart. You promised that, Raymon; I’m counting on your word, so you should count on my strength. Nothing will scare me, nothing will make me turn back. My place is by your side, and only death can separate us."
"Mere woman's effervescence!" said Raymon, crumpling the letter. "Romantic projects, perilous undertakings, appeal to their feeble imaginations as bitter substances arouse a sick man's appetite. I have succeeded; I have recovered my influence; and, as for all this imprudent folly with which she threatens me, we will see! It is all characteristic of the light-headed, false creatures, always ready to undertake the impossible and making of generosity a show virtue which must be attended with scandal! Who would think, to read this letter, that she counts her kisses and doles out her caresses like a miser!"
"Mere woman's excitement!" said Raymon, crumpling the letter. "Romantic plans and risky endeavors appeal to their weak imaginations like bitter substances tempt a sick person. I've succeeded; I've regained my influence; and as for all this reckless nonsense she's throwing at me, we'll see! It's just typical of those light-headed, deceitful beings, always eager to take on the impossible, turning generosity into a superficial virtue that always comes with drama! Who would think, after reading this letter, that she counts her kisses and doles out her affection like a miser!"
That same day he went to Lagny. Ralph was not there, and the colonel received him amicably and talked to him confidentially. He took him into the park, where they were less likely to be disturbed, and told him that he was utterly ruined and that the factory would be offered for sale on the following day. Raymon made generous offers of assistance, but Delmare declined them.
That same day he went to Lagny. Ralph wasn't there, and the colonel welcomed him warmly and spoke to him privately. He took him into the park, where they were less likely to be interrupted, and told him that he was completely ruined and that the factory would be up for sale the next day. Raymon offered generous help, but Delmare turned it down.
"No, my friend," he said, "I have suffered too much from the thought that I owed my fate to Ralph's kindness; I was in too much of a hurry to repay him. The sale of this property will enable me to pay all my debts at once. To be sure, I shall have nothing left, but I have courage, energy and business experience; the future is before us. I have built up my little fortune once, and I can begin it again. I must do it for my wife's sake, for she is young, and I don't wish to leave her in poverty. She still owns an estate of some little value at Ile Bourbon, and I propose to go into retirement there and start in business afresh. In a few years—in ten years at most—I hope that we shall meet again."
"No, my friend," he said, "I've suffered too much thinking that my fate depended on Ralph's kindness; I was too eager to repay him. Selling this property will let me settle all my debts at once. Sure, I won't have anything left, but I have courage, energy, and business savvy; the future is ahead of us. I built up my little fortune once, and I can do it again. I have to do it for my wife's sake; she's young, and I don't want to leave her in poverty. She still owns a somewhat valuable estate in Ile Bourbon, and I plan to retire there and start fresh. In a few years—in ten years at most—I hope we'll meet again."
Raymon pressed the colonel's hand, smiling inwardly at his confidence, at his speaking of ten years as of a single day, when his bald head and enfeebled body indicated a feeble hold upon existence, a life near its close. Nevertheless he pretended to share his hopes.
Raymon shook the colonel's hand, inwardly smiling at his confidence, at the way he talked about ten years like it was just one day, even though his bald head and frail body showed he was barely hanging on to life, nearing the end. Still, he pretended to share his hopes.
"I am delighted to see," he said, "that you do not allow yourself to be cast down by these reverses. I recognize your manly heart, your undaunted courage. But does Madame Delmare display the same courage? Do you not anticipate some resistance on her part to your project of expatriation?"
"I’m really happy to see," he said, "that you’re not letting these setbacks get you down. I admire your strong character and fearless spirit. But does Madame Delmare show the same bravery? Don’t you expect some pushback from her regarding your plan to leave the country?"
"I shall be very sorry," the colonel replied, "but wives are made to obey, not to advise. I have not yet definitely made my purpose known to Indiana. With the exception of yourself, my friend, I do not know what there is here that she should feel any regret at leaving; and yet I anticipate tears and nervous attacks, from a spirit of contradiction, if nothing else. The devil take the women! However, my dear Raymon, I rely upon you all the same to make my wife listen to reason. She has confidence in you; use your influence to prevent her from crying. I detest tears."
"I’ll be really sorry," the colonel said, "but wives are meant to obey, not give advice. I haven't made my intentions clear to Indiana yet. Besides you, my friend, I don't see anything here that would make her regret leaving; still, I expect tears and anxious outbursts, just out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else. Damn the women! Anyway, my dear Raymon, I'm counting on you to make my wife see reason. She trusts you; use your influence to stop her from crying. I can’t stand tears."
Raymon promised to come again the next day and inform Madame Delmare of her husband's decision.
Raymon promised to come back the next day and let Madame Delmare know about her husband's decision.
"You will do me a very great favor," said the colonel. "I will take Ralph to the farm, so that you may have a good chance to talk with her."
"You'll do me a huge favor," said the colonel. "I'll take Ralph to the farm, so you can have a good chance to talk with her."
"Well, luck is on my side!" thought Ralph, as he took his leave.
"Well, luck is on my side!" thought Ralph as he said goodbye.
XIX
Monsieur Delmare's plans fell in perfectly with Raymon's wishes. He foresaw that this love affair which, so far as he was concerned, was drawing near its close, would soon bring him nothing but annoyance and importunity, so that he was very glad to see events arranging themselves in such a way as to save him from the wearisome but inevitable results of a played-out intrigue. It only remained for him to take advantage of Madame Delmare's last moments of excitement, and then to leave to his complaisant destiny the task of ridding him of her tears and reproaches.
Monsieur Delmare's plans aligned perfectly with Raymon's wishes. He realized that this romance, which he felt was coming to an end, would soon become nothing but a source of annoyance, so he was relieved to see things falling into place to spare him from the tedious but unavoidable aftermath of a faded affair. All he needed to do was take advantage of Madame Delmare's last moments of enthusiasm, then let his accommodating fate handle the task of relieving him of her tears and complaints.
So he returned to Lagny the next day, intending to exalt the unhappy woman's enthusiasm to its apogee.
So he went back to Lagny the next day, planning to lift the unhappy woman's enthusiasm to its highest point.
"Do you know, Indiana," he said, when they met, "the part that your husband has requested me to play with respect to you? A strange commission, upon my word! I am to entreat you to go with him to Ile Bourbon; to urge you to leave me; to tear out my heart and my life. Do you think that he made a good choice of an advocate?"
"Do you know, Indiana," he said when they met, "the role your husband has asked me to take regarding you? It's quite a strange request, I must say! I'm supposed to convince you to go with him to Ile Bourbon; to urge you to leave me; to rip my heart and my life apart. Do you think he picked a good person for this task?"
Madame Delmare's sombre gravity imposed a sort of respect on Raymon's cunning.
Madame Delmare's serious demeanor commanded a level of respect for Raymon's cleverness.
"Why do you come and tell me all this?" she said. "Are you afraid that I shall allow myself to be moved? Are you afraid that I shall obey? Never fear, Raymon, my mind is made up; I have passed two nights looking at it on every side; I know to what I expose myself; I know what I must defy, what I must sacrifice, what I must disdain to notice; I am ready to pass through this stormy period of my destiny. Will not you be my support and my guide?"
"Why are you telling me all this?" she said. "Are you scared I'll be swayed? Are you worried I'll follow what you say? Don't worry, Raymon, I've made my decision; I've spent the last two nights considering every angle; I know what I'm getting myself into; I know what I have to face, what I have to give up, what I have to ignore; I'm ready to get through this turbulent time in my life. Won't you be my support and guide?"
Raymon was tempted to take fright at this cool determination and to take these insane threats seriously; but in a moment he recurred to his former opinion that Indiana did not really love him, and that she was applying now to her situation the exaggerated sentiments she had learned from books. He strove to be eloquent with passion, he devoted his energies to dramatic improvisation, in order to maintain himself on his romantic mistress's level, and he succeeded in prolonging her error. But, to a calm and impartial auditor, this love scene would have seemed a contest between stage illusion and reality. The grandiloquence of Raymon's sentiments, the poesy of his ideas would have seemed a cold and cruel parody of the real sentiments which Indiana expressed so simply: in the one case mind, in the other heart.
Raymon was tempted to be frightened by her cool determination and to take her crazy threats seriously; but soon he returned to his previous belief that Indiana didn’t really love him and that she was just applying the exaggerated feelings she’d learned from books to her situation. He tried to be passionate and threw himself into dramatic improvisation to keep up with his romantic mistress, and he managed to prolong her misunderstanding. However, to a calm and unbiased observer, this love scene would have looked like a clash between theatrical illusion and reality. The grandiosity of Raymon's feelings and the poetry of his ideas would have seemed like a cold and cruel mockery of the genuine emotions Indiana expressed so simply: one driven by intellect, the other by the heart.
Raymon, who however had some little fear that she might carry out her promises if he did not shrewdly undermine the plan of resistance she had formed, persuaded her to counterfeit submission or indifference until such time as she could come forth in open rebellion. It was essential, he said, that they should have left Lagny before she declared herself, in order to avoid a scandal in presence of the servants, and Ralph's dangerous intervention in the affair.
Raymon, who was a bit worried that she might actually follow through on her promises if he didn't cleverly sabotage her plan for resistance, convinced her to pretend to be submissive or indifferent until she was ready to openly rebel. He insisted that they needed to leave Lagny before she made her declaration to avoid a scandal in front of the staff and to keep Ralph's dangerous involvement out of the picture.
But Ralph did not leave his unfortunate friends. In vain did he offer his whole fortune, his Bellerive estate, his English consols, and whatever his plantations in the colonies would bring; the colonel was inflexible. His affection for Ralph had diminished; he was no longer willing to owe anything to him. Ralph might perhaps have been able to move him had he possessed Raymon's wit and address; but when he had plainly set forth his ideas and declared his sentiments, the poor baronet believed that he had said everything, and he never attempted to secure the retraction of a refusal. So he let Bellerive and followed Monsieur and Madame Delmare to Paris, pending their departure for Ile Bourbon.
But Ralph didn’t abandon his unfortunate friends. He offered his entire fortune, his Bellerive estate, his English government bonds, and whatever his plantations in the colonies could bring, all in vain; the colonel was unyielding. His feelings for Ralph had faded; he was no longer willing to owe him anything. Ralph might have been able to sway him if he had Raymon's charm and cleverness; but once he clearly stated his thoughts and feelings, the poor baronet thought he had said it all and never tried to get a retraction of the refusal. So he let go of Bellerive and followed Monsieur and Madame Delmare to Paris, waiting for their departure to Ile Bourbon.
Lagny was offered for sale with the factory and the appurtenances. The winter was a melancholy and depressing one to Madame Delmare. To be sure, Raymon was in Paris, he saw her every day, he was attentive and affectionate; but he remained barely an hour with her. He arrived just after dinner, and when the colonel went out on business, he also took his leave to attend some social function or other. Society, you know, was Raymon's element, his life; he must have the noise, the bustle, the crowd, to breathe freely, to display all his intellectual power, all his ease of manner, all his superiority. In the privacy of the boudoir he could make himself attractive, in society he became brilliant; and then he was no longer the man of a small coterie, the friend of this one or that one; he was the man of intellect who belongs to all alike, and to whom society is a sort of fatherland.
Lagny was up for sale along with the factory and all its attachments. The winter was a sad and gloomy time for Madame Delmare. Sure, Raymon was in Paris, he visited her every day, and he was attentive and loving; but he only stayed for about an hour. He would arrive right after dinner, and when the colonel left for work, he would also excuse himself to go to some social event or another. Socializing was Raymon's world, his life; he needed the noise, the excitement, the crowd to feel alive, to showcase his intellect, his charm, and his superiority. In the intimacy of the boudoir, he could be appealing, but in social settings, he shone; he was no longer just part of a small circle of friends; he was the intellectual who belonged to everyone, and whose social life felt like a kind of homeland.
And then, as we have said, Raymon had some principle. When the colonel manifested such confidence in him and esteem for him, when he saw that he regarded him as the very type of honor and sincerity and desired him to act as mediator between his wife and himself, he determined to justify that confidence, to deserve that esteem, to reconcile that husband and wife, to repel any attachment on the part of the latter which might endanger the repose of the other. He became once more a moral, virtuous, philosophical person. You will see for how long.
And then, as we mentioned, Raymon had some principles. When the colonel showed such trust and respect for him, and when Raymon realized that the colonel viewed him as the very embodiment of honor and honesty and wanted him to mediate between himself and his wife, he decided to live up to that trust, earn that respect, bring the husband and wife back together, and prevent any feelings from the wife that could threaten the other’s peace. He became a moral, virtuous, philosophical person once again. You'll see how long that lasts.
Indiana, who did not understand this conversion, suffered horribly to be so neglected; and yet she still had the satisfaction of feeling that her hopes were not entirely destroyed. She was easily deceived; she asked nothing better than to be deceived, her real life was so bitter and desolate! Her husband had become almost impossible to live with. In public he affected the heroic courage and indifference of a brave man; but when he returned to the privacy of his own home he was simply an irritable, severe, absurd child. Indiana was the victim of his disgust with life, and, we must confess, she was largely to blame. If she had raised her voice, if she had complained, affectionately but forcibly, Delmare, who was only rough, would have blushed at the idea of being considered unkind. Nothing was easier than to touch his heart and govern him absolutely, if one chose to descend to his level and enter into the circle of ideas that were within the scope of his mind. But Indiana was stiff and haughty in her submissiveness; she always obeyed in silence; but it was the silence and submissiveness of the slave who has made of hatred a virtue and of unhappiness a merit. Her resignation was the dignity of a king who accepts fetters and a dungeon rather than voluntarily abdicate his throne and lay aside a vain title. A woman of a commoner mould would have mastered that commonplace man; she would have said what he said and reserved the right to think differently; she would have pretended to respect his prejudices and secretly have trampled them under foot; she would have caressed him and deceived him. Indiana saw many women who acted thus; but she felt so far above them that she would have blushed to imitate them. Being virtuous and chaste, she thought that she was not called upon to flatter her master by her words so long as she respected him in his actions. She did not care for his affection because she could not respond to it. She would have considered it far more blameworthy to make a show of love for the husband whom she did not love, than to give her heart to the lover who inspired love in her. To deceive was the crime in her eyes, and twenty times a day she felt that she must declare her love for Raymon; naught detained her but the fear of ruining him. Her impassive obedience irritated the colonel much more than a cleverly managed rebellion would have done. Although his self-esteem would have suffered if he had ceased to be master in his own house, it suffered much more from the consciousness that he was master in a hateful and absurd fashion. He would have liked to convince and he simply commanded; to reign, and he governed. Sometimes he gave an order that was awkwardly expressed, or, without reflection, issued orders that were injurious to his own interests. Madame Delmare saw that they were carried out without scrutiny, without question, with the indifference of the horse that draws the plough in one direction or another. Delmare, when he saw the result of the failure to understand his ideas, of the misconstruction of his wishes, would fly into a rage; but when she had proved to him with a few tranquil, icy words that she had simply caused his orders to be obeyed, he was reduced to the necessity of turning his wrath against himself. It was a cruel pang, a bitter affront to that man of petty self-esteem and of violent passions.
Indiana, who didn't understand this change, felt terrible about being so neglected; yet she took some comfort in knowing that her hopes weren't completely crushed. She was easily fooled; she wanted nothing more than to be fooled because her real life was so harsh and lonely! Her husband had become almost unbearable to live with. In public, he projected the brave face of a hero, but at home, he turned into an irritable, harsh, ridiculous child. Indiana was the target of his disgust with life, and, to be fair, she was partly responsible for it. If she had spoken up, if she had complained, lovingly but firmly, Delmare, who was just rough around the edges, would have felt embarrassed at being seen as unkind. It would have been easy to reach his heart and control him if one chose to lower herself to his level and engage with the ideas he could grasp. But Indiana was stiff and haughty in her submission; she always obeyed in silence, but it was the silence and submission of a slave who had turned hatred into a virtue and unhappiness into a badge of honor. Her resignation was like the dignity of a king who accepts chains and a cell instead of giving up his throne and discarding a meaningless title. A woman of ordinary nature would have mastered that simple man; she would have echoed his words while thinking differently in her mind; she would have pretended to respect his beliefs while secretly trampling them. She would have charmed him and deceived him. Indiana saw many women acting this way; but she felt so far above them that she would have been embarrassed to mimic them. Being virtuous and pure, she believed she didn't need to flatter her master with words as long as she respected him through her actions. She didn't seek his affection because she couldn't reciprocate it. She would have thought it far worse to fake love for a husband she didn't love than to give her heart to the lover who inspired her affection. To deceive was the real crime in her eyes, and twenty times a day she felt she should declare her love for Raymon; the only thing holding her back was the fear of ruining him. Her calm obedience irritated the colonel much more than a well-managed rebellion would have. Even though his pride would have taken a hit if he had lost control in his own home, it hurt him much more to realize that he was in charge in such a miserable and absurd way. He wanted to persuade, but he could only give orders; to rule, but he controlled. Sometimes he would issue poorly phrased commands or, without thinking, make directives that hurt his own interests. Madame Delmare saw that they were followed without scrutiny, without question, with the indifference of a horse pulling a plow. Delmare, when he witnessed the fallout from the misunderstandings of his intentions, would fly into a rage; but when she calmly, coldly demonstrated that she had merely ensured his orders were carried out, he was left to turn his anger onto himself. It was a painful blow, a bitter insult to that man with fragile pride and intense passions.
Several times he would have killed his wife, if he had been at Smyrna or at Cairo. And yet he loved with all his heart that weak woman who lived in subjection to him and kept the secret of his ill-treatment with religious prudence. He loved her or pitied her—I do not know which. He would have liked to win her love, for he was proud of her education and of her superiority. He would have risen in his own eyes if she would have stooped so far as to parley with his ideas and his principles. When he went to her apartments in the morning with the purpose of picking a quarrel with her, he sometimes found her asleep and dared not wake her. He would gaze at her in silence; he would take fright at the delicacy of her constitution, the pallor of her cheeks, at the air of calm melancholy, of resignation to misfortune expressed by that motionless and silent face. He would find in her features innumerable subjects of self-reproach, remorse, anger and dread. He would blush at the thought of the influence which so frail a creature had exerted over his destiny—he, a man of iron, accustomed to command others, to see whole battalions, spirited horses and frightened men march at a word from his lips.
Several times, he would have killed his wife if he had been in Smyrna or Cairo. And yet, he loved that weak woman, who lived under his control and kept the secret of his mistreatment with a careful sense of discretion. He either loved her or pitied her—I’m not sure which. He wanted to earn her love because he was proud of her education and her superiority. He would have felt better about himself if she had been willing to engage with his ideas and principles. When he went to her room in the morning intending to start a fight, he sometimes found her asleep and didn't dare wake her. He would watch her in silence, startled by her fragile health, the paleness of her cheeks, and the sense of calm sadness and resignation to misfortune that was shown on her motionless, silent face. He would see countless reasons for self-blame, remorse, anger, and fear in her features. He would feel embarrassed thinking about the impact that such a delicate person had on his life—he, a man of iron, used to commanding others, seeing entire battalions, spirited horses, and scared men move at a word from him.
And a wife who was still but a child had made him unhappy! She forced him to look within himself—to scrutinize his own decisions, to modify many of them, to retract some of them—and all this without saying: "You are wrong; I beg that you will do thus or thus." She had never implored, she had never deigned to show herself his equal and to avow herself his companion. That woman, whom he could have crushed in his hand if he had chosen, lay there, an insignificant creature, dreaming of another before his eyes, perhaps, and defying him even in her sleep. He was tempted to strangle her—to drag her out of bed by the hair, to trample on her and force her to shriek for mercy and to implore his forgiveness; but she was so pretty, so dainty and so fair, that he would suddenly take pity on her, as a child is moved to pity as he gazes at the bird he intended to kill. And he would weep like a woman, man of bronze as he was, and would steal away so that she might not enjoy the triumph of seeing him weep. In truth I know not which was the unhappier, he or she. She was cruel from virtue, as he was kind from weakness; she had too much patience, of which he had not enough; she had the failings of her good qualities and he the good qualities of his failings.
And a wife who was still just a child had made him unhappy! She forced him to look inside himself—to examine his own choices, to change many of them, to take back some of them—and all of this without saying, “You’re wrong; please do this or that.” She had never begged, she had never lowered herself to be his equal or to acknowledge that she was his partner. That woman, whom he could have crushed in his hand if he wanted, lay there, a small presence, dreaming of someone else in front of him, perhaps, and challenging him even in her sleep. He felt tempted to strangle her—to pull her out of bed by her hair, to stomp on her and make her scream for mercy and beg for his forgiveness; but she was so pretty, so delicate and fair, that he would suddenly feel sorry for her, like a child moved to pity while staring at the bird he planned to kill. And he would cry like a woman, tough as he was, and would slip away so that she wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Honestly, I don’t know who was unhappier, him or her. She was cruel out of virtue, while he was kind out of weakness; she had too much patience, which he lacked; she had the flaws of her good qualities and he had the good qualities of his flaws.
Around these two ill-assorted beings swarmed a multitude of friends who strove to bring them nearer together, some in order to have something to occupy their minds, others to give themselves importance, others as the result of ill-advised affection. Some took the wife's part, others the husband's. They quarrelled among themselves on the subject of Monsieur and Madame Delmare, who, on the other hand, did not quarrel at all; for, with Indiana's systematic submission, the colonel could never succeed in picking a quarrel, whatever he might do. And then there were those who knew nothing, but wanted to make themselves necessary. They counselled submission to Madame Delmare and did not see that she was only too submissive; others advised the husband to be inflexible and not to allow his authority to pass into his wife's hands. These last, stupid mortals who have so little feeling that they are always afraid that some one is treading on them and who mistake cause and effect for each other, belong to a species which you will find everywhere, which is constantly getting entangled in other people's legs and makes a deal of noise in order to attract attention.
Around these two mismatched individuals gathered a crowd of friends who tried to bring them closer together—some for distraction, others to feel important, and some out of misguided affection. Some supported the wife, while others sided with the husband. They argued among themselves about Monsieur and Madame Delmare, who, in contrast, never argued; with Indiana's consistent passivity, the colonel could never manage to start a fight, no matter what he did. Then there were those who knew nothing but wanted to be needed. They advised Madame Delmare to be submissive without realizing she was already too compliant; others urged the husband to be strict and not let his authority slip into his wife's hands. These last individuals, so lacking in sensitivity that they constantly fear being overshadowed and confuse cause and effect, represent a type you'll find everywhere—constantly getting in others' way and making a lot of noise to draw attention to themselves.
Monsieur and Madame Delmare had made a particularly large number of acquaintances at Melun and at Fontainebleau. They met these people again at Paris, and they were the keenest in the game of evil-speaking that was being played about them. The wit of small towns is, as you doubtless know, the most ill-natured in the world. Good people are always misunderstood there, superior minds are sworn foes of the public. If a battle is to be fought for a fool or a boor you will see them running from all directions. If you have a dispute with any one, they come to look on as at the theatre; they make bets; they crowd upon your heels, so eager are they to see and hear. The one who falls they will cover with mud and maledictions; the weakest is always in the wrong. If you make war on prejudices, petty foibles, vices, you insult them personally, you attack them in what they hold most dear, you are a treacherous and dangerous man. You will be summoned before the courts to make reparation by people whose names you do not know, but whom you will be convicted of having referred to in your slurring allusions. What advice shall I give you? If you meet one of these people, avoid stepping in his shadow, even at sunset, when a man's shadow is thirty feet long; all that ground belongs to the inhabitant of the small town, and you have no right to set foot upon it. If you breathe the air that he breathes, you injure him, you destroy his health; if you drink at his fountain, you cause it to run dry; if you lend a hand to business in his province, you increase the price of the articles he purchases; if you offer him snuff, you poison it; if you think his daughter pretty, you intend to seduce her; if you extol his wife's domestic virtues, it is insulting irony, and in your heart you despise her for her ignorance; if you are so ill-advised as to pay him a compliment in his own house, he will not understand it, and he will go about everywhere saying that you have insulted him. Take your penates and carry them into the woods or to the desolate moors. There only will the man of the small town leave you in peace.
Monsieur and Madame Delmare had made a lot of acquaintances in Melun and Fontainebleau. They ran into these people again in Paris, and they were the most eager participants in the gossip being spread about them. The wit of small towns, as you probably know, is notoriously cruel. Good people are often misunderstood there, and those with superior minds are viewed as enemies by the community. If there’s a conflict involving a fool or a buffoon, you’ll see everyone rushing in from all sides. When there’s a disagreement, they gather to watch like it’s a show; they place bets and crowd around, eager to see and hear everything. The one who falls will be covered in insults and slander; the weakest is always blamed. If you challenge prejudices, minor flaws, or vices, it feels like a personal attack; you’re hitting them where it hurts the most, and they see you as a sneaky and dangerous person. You might find yourself called to account by people you don’t even know, but who will claim you’ve insulted them with your vague references. What advice can I give you? If you encounter one of these folks, avoid stepping into their shadow, even at sunset when a man’s shadow can reach thirty feet; all that space belongs to the small-town resident, and you have no right to trespass. If you breathe the same air as them, you harm them, you threaten their health; if you drink from their well, you risk depleting it; if you help out in their business dealings, you drive up the prices of what they buy; if you offer them snuff, you ruin it; if you find their daughter attractive, they’ll think you want to seduce her; if you praise their wife’s homemaking skills, they’ll see it as sarcastic and assume you look down on her ignorance; if you’re foolish enough to compliment them in their own home, they won’t get it, and they’ll go around claiming you insulted them. Take your belongings and retreat to the woods or the barren moors. Only there will the small-town person leave you in peace.
Even behind the manifold girdle of the walls of Paris the small town pursued that ill-starred couple. Well-to-do families from Melun and Fontainebleau took up their abode in the capital for the winter and brought thither the blessing of their provincial manners. Cliques were formed around Delmare and his wife, and all that was humanly possible was attempted in order to make their position with respect to each other more uncomfortable. Their unhappiness was increased thereby and their mutual obstinacy did not diminish.
Even behind the many walls of Paris, the small town continued to haunt that ill-fated couple. Wealthy families from Melun and Fontainebleau settled in the capital for the winter, bringing with them their provincial charm. Groups formed around Delmare and his wife, and everything possible was done to make their relationship even more tense. This only added to their unhappiness, and their stubbornness remained unchanged.
Ralph had the good sense not to meddle in their dissensions. Madame Delmare had suspected him of embittering her husband against her, or at least of seeking to put an end to Raymon's intimacy with her; but she soon realized the injustice of her suspicions. The colonel's perfect tranquillity with respect to Monsieur de Ramière was irrefutable evidence of her cousin's silence. Thereupon she felt that she must thank him; but he sedulously avoided any conversation on that subject; whenever she was alone with him, he eluded her hints and pretended not to understand them. It was such a delicate subject that Madame Delmare had not the courage to force Ralph to discuss it; she simply endeavored, by her loving attentions, by her delicate and affectionate deference to him, to make him understand her gratitude; but Ralph seemed to pay no heed, and Indiana's pride was wounded by this display of supercilious generosity. She was afraid that she should seem to play the rôle of the guilty wife imploring the indulgence of a stern witness; she became cold and constrained once more with poor Ralph. It seemed to her that his conduct in this matter was the natural consequence of his selfishness; that he loved her still, although he no longer esteemed her; that he simply desired her society for his own diversion, that he disliked to abandon habits which she had formed for him in her home and to deprive himself of the attentions that she was never weary of bestowing upon him. She fancied that he was by no means anxious to invent grievances against her husband or herself.
Ralph was smart enough not to get involved in their arguments. Madame Delmare thought he was turning her husband against her, or at least trying to end Raymon's closeness with her; but she quickly realized how unfair her suspicions were. The colonel's calm attitude towards Monsieur de Ramière was undeniable proof of her cousin's discretion. Feeling grateful, she thought she should thank him; however, he carefully avoided discussing that topic. Whenever they were alone, he dodged her hints and acted like he didn’t get them. It was such a sensitive issue that Madame Delmare didn’t have the courage to push Ralph to talk about it; instead, she tried to express her gratitude through her loving gestures and kind respect for him, but Ralph seemed oblivious, and Indiana's pride was hurt by his aloof generosity. She was worried about looking like the guilty wife begging a harsh observer for forgiveness, so she once again became cold and distant with poor Ralph. She thought his behavior was a natural result of his selfishness; that he still loved her, even if he no longer respected her; that he just wanted her company for his own enjoyment and didn’t want to give up the routines she had created for him at her home, nor did he want to lose the attention she was always eager to give him. She imagined he wasn’t really looking to come up with complaints against her husband or her.
"That is just like his contempt for women," she thought; "in his eyes they are simply domestic animals, useful to keep a house in order, prepare meals and serve tea. He doesn't do them the honor of entering into a discussion with them; their faults have no effect on him provided that they do not interfere with his comfort or with his mode of life. Ralph has no need of my heart; so long as my hands retain the knack of preparing his pudding and of touching the strings of the harp for him, what does he care for my love for another man, my secret suffering, my deathly impatience under the yoke which is crushing me? I am his servant, he asks nothing more of me than that."
"That’s just like how he looks down on women," she thought. "To him, they’re just like household pets, useful for keeping things tidy, cooking meals, and serving tea. He doesn’t even bother to have a real conversation with them; their flaws don’t bother him as long as they don’t disrupt his comfort or lifestyle. Ralph doesn’t need my heart; as long as I can still make his pudding and play the harp for him, what does he care about my love for someone else, my hidden pain, my overwhelming impatience under this weight that’s crushing me? I’m his servant, and that’s all he expects from me."
XX
Indiana had ceased to reproach Raymon; he defended himself so badly that she was afraid of finding him too worthy of blame. There was one thing which she dreaded much more than being deceived, and that was being abandoned. She could not live without her belief in him, without her hope of the future he had promised her; for her life with Monsieur Delmare and Ralph had become hateful to her, and if she had not expected soon to escape from the power of those two men, she would have drowned herself at once. She often thought of it; she said to herself that if Raymon treated her as he had treated Noun there would be no other way for her to avoid an unendurable future than to join Noun. That sombre thought followed her everywhere and she took pleasure in it.
Indiana had stopped blaming Raymon; he defended himself so poorly that she feared finding him too deserving of criticism. There was one thing she feared much more than being misled, and that was being left behind. She couldn't live without her belief in him, without her hope for the future he had promised her; her life with Monsieur Delmare and Ralph had become unbearable, and if she hadn't expected to soon escape the influence of those two men, she would have taken her own life right away. She thought about it often; she told herself that if Raymon treated her like he had treated Noun, there would be no other way to avoid an unbearable future than to join Noun. That dark thought followed her everywhere, and she found comfort in it.
Meanwhile the time fixed for their departure from France drew near. The colonel seemed to have no suspicion of the resistance which his wife was meditating; every day he made some progress in the settlement of his affairs, every day he paid off one more creditor; and Madame Delmare looked on with a tranquil eye at all these preparations, sure as she was of her own courage. She was preparing, too, for her struggle with the difficulties she anticipated. She sought to procure an ally in her aunt, Madame de Carvajal, and dilated to her upon her repugnance to the journey; and the old marchioness who—to give her no more than her due—built great hopes of attracting custom to her salon upon her niece's beauty, declared that it was the colonel's duty to leave his wife in France; that it would be downright barbarity to expose her to the fatigues and dangers of an ocean voyage when her health had just begun to show some slight improvement; in a word, that it was his place to go to work at rebuilding his fortune, Indiana's to remain with her old aunt and take care of her. At first Monsieur Delmare looked upon these insinuations as the doting talk of an old woman; but he was forced to pay more attention to them when Madame de Carvajal gave him clearly to understand that her inheritance was to be had only at that price. Although Delmare loved money like a man who had worked hard all his life to amass it, he had some pride in his composition; he pronounced his ultimatum with decision, and declared that his wife should go with him at any risk. The marchioness, who could not believe that money was not the absolute sovereign of every man of good sense, did not look upon this as Monsieur Delmare's last word; she continued to encourage her niece in her resistance, proposing to assume the responsibility for her action in the eyes of the world. It needed all the indelicacy of a mind corrupted by intrigue and ambition, all the shuffling of a heart distorted by constant devotion to mere external show, to close her eyes thus to the real causes of Indiana's rebellion. Her passion for Monsieur de Ramière was a secret to no one but her husband; but as Indiana had as yet given scandal nothing to seize upon, the secret was mentioned only in undertones, and Madame de Carvajal had been confidentially informed of it by more than a score of persons. The foolish old woman was flattered by it; all that she desired was to have her niece à la mode in society, and an intrigue with Raymon was a fine beginning. And yet Madame de Carvajal's moral character was not of the Regency type; the Restoration had given a virtuous impulse to minds of that stamp; and as conduct was demanded at court, the marchioness detested nothing so much as the scandal that ruins and destroys. Under Madame du Barry she would have been less rigid in her principles; under the Dauphiness she became one of the high-necked. But all this was for show, for the sake of appearances; she kept her disapprobation and her scorn for notorious misconduct, and she always awaited the result of an intrigue before condemning it. Those infidelities which did not cross the threshold were venial in her eyes. She became a Spaniard once more to pass judgment on passions inside the blinds; in her eyes there was no guilt save that which was placarded in the streets for passers-by to see. So that Indiana, passionate but chaste, enamored but reserved, was a precious subject to exhibit and exploit; such a woman as she was might fascinate the strongest brains in that hypocritical society and withstand the perils of the most delicate missions. There was an excellent chance to speculate on the responsibility of so pure a mind and so passionate a heart. Poor Indiana! luckily her fatal destiny surpassed all her hopes and led her into an abyss of misery where her aunt's pernicious protection did not seek her out.
Meanwhile, the time for their departure from France was approaching. The colonel had no idea of the resistance his wife was planning; every day he made progress in settling his affairs, paying off one more creditor, while Madame Delmare watched calmly, confident in her own courage. She was also preparing for the struggle she anticipated. She tried to get her aunt, Madame de Carvajal, on her side, expressing her reluctance about the journey. The old marchioness, who—credit where it’s due—had high hopes of attracting attention to her salon with her niece's beauty, stated that it was the colonel's responsibility to leave his wife in France; it would be cruel to subject her to the challenges and risks of an ocean voyage when her health had only just started to improve. In short, she insisted it was the colonel’s job to focus on rebuilding his fortune while Indiana’s was to stay with her aunt and take care of her. At first, Monsieur Delmare dismissed these hints as the ramblings of an elderly woman; but he had to pay more attention when Madame de Carvajal made it clear that her inheritance would only come at that price. Although Delmare loved money like someone who had worked hard all his life for it, he also took pride in himself; he firmly declared that his wife would accompany him, regardless of the risks. The marchioness, who couldn’t believe that money wasn’t the ultimate ruler of all sensible men, didn’t take this as Monsieur Delmare’s final word; she continued to encourage her niece in her defiance, claiming she would take responsibility for her actions in the eyes of society. It took all the insensitivity of a mind tainted by intrigue and ambition, all the twisting of a heart devoted to appearances, for her to ignore the real reasons behind Indiana's rebellion. Indiana's affection for Monsieur de Ramière was a secret to everyone except her husband; but since Indiana hadn't yet given anyone a reason to gossip, the secret was whispered about, and more than twenty people had confided it to Madame de Carvajal. The foolish old woman felt flattered; all she wanted was for her niece to be fashionable in society, and a secret romance with Raymon was a great start. Yet, Madame de Carvajal’s moral character wasn’t typical of the Regency era; the Restoration had instilled a sense of virtue in people like her; and since proper behavior was expected at court, the marchioness despised nothing more than scandal that could ruin reputations. Under Madame du Barry, she might have been more lenient in her principles; under the Dauphiness, she became one of the "high-necked." But all of this was for show, for appearances; she reserved her disapproval and disdain for blatant misbehavior, always waiting to see the outcome of a scandal before judging it. Infidelities that stayed behind closed doors were forgivable in her eyes. She returned to her Spanish roots to pass judgment on secret passions; she believed guilt only existed when it was publicly visible. So, Indiana, passionate yet pure, in love but reserved, became a valuable subject to showcase and exploit; a woman like her could captivate even the sharpest minds in that hypocritical society and withstand the challenges of the most delicate situations. There was a golden opportunity to speculate on the responsibilities of such a pure mind and passionate heart. Poor Indiana! Fortunately, her tragic fate exceeded all her hopes and led her into a pit of misery where her aunt's toxic protection could not reach her.
Raymon was not disturbed as to what was to become of her. This intrigue had already reached the last stage of distaste, deathly ennui, so far as he was concerned. To cause ennui is to descend as low as possible in the regard of the person whom one loves. Luckily for the last days of her illusion, Indiana had no suspicion of it.
Raymon didn't care about what would happen to her. This intrigue had already become extremely uninteresting, bordering on deadly boredom, as far as he was concerned. Causing boredom is as low as one can go in the eyes of someone they love. Fortunately for her last days of delusion, Indiana had no idea.
One morning, on returning from a ball, he found Madame Delmare in his room. She had come at midnight; for five mortal hours she had been waiting! It was in the coldest part of the year; she had no fire, but sat with her head resting on her hand, enduring cold and anxiety with the gloomy patience which the whole course of her life had taught her. She raised her head when he entered, and Raymon, speechless with amazement, could detect on her pale face no indication of anger or reproach.
One morning, when he got back from a party, he found Madame Delmare in his room. She had arrived at midnight and had been waiting for five long hours! It was the coldest time of year; she had no fire and sat with her head resting on her hand, enduring the cold and worry with the bleak patience that her entire life had taught her. She lifted her head when he entered, and Raymon, speechless with surprise, saw no sign of anger or reproach on her pale face.
"I was waiting for you," she said gently; "as you had not come to see me for three days, and as things have happened which it is important that you should know without delay, I came here last night in order to tell you of them."
"I was waiting for you," she said softly. "Since you haven't come to see me for three days, and important things have happened that you need to know right away, I came here last night to share them with you."
"It is imprudent beyond belief!" said Raymon, cautiously locking the door behind him; "and my people know that you are here! They just told me so."
"It’s unbelievably reckless!" said Raymon, carefully locking the door behind him; "and my people know you’re here! They just told me."
"I made no attempt at concealment," she replied coldly; "and as for the word you use, I consider it ill-chosen."
"I didn't try to hide anything," she replied coldly; "and as for the word you used, I think it's poorly chosen."
"I said imprudent, I should have said insane."
"I said reckless, I should have said crazy."
"And I should say courageous. But no matter; listen to me. Monsieur Delmare starts for Bordeaux in three days, and sails thence for the colony. You and I agreed that you should protect me from violence if he employed it; there is no question that he will, for I made known my determination last evening and he locked me into my room. I escaped through a window; see, my hands are bleeding. They may be looking for me at this moment, but Ralph is at Bellerive so that he will not be able to tell where I am. I have decided to remain in hiding until Monsieur Delmare has made up his mind to leave me behind. Have you thought about making ready for my flight, of preparing a hiding-place for me? It is so long since I have been able to see you alone, that I do not know what your present inclinations are; but one day, when I expressed some doubt concerning your resolution, you told me that you could not imagine love without confidence; you reminded me that you had never doubted me, you proved to me that I was unjust, and thereupon I was afraid of remaining below your level if I did not cast aside such puerile suspicions and the innumerable little exactions by which women degrade ordinary love-affairs. I have endured with resignation the brevity of your calls, the embarrassment of our interviews, the eagerness with which you seemed to avoid any free exchange of sentiments with me; I have retained my confidence in you. Heaven is my witness that when anxiety and fear were gnawing at my heart I spurned them as criminal thoughts. I have come now to seek the reward of my faith; the time has come; tell me, do you accept my sacrifices?"
"And I should say brave. But never mind; listen to me. Monsieur Delmare leaves for Bordeaux in three days and then sails to the colony. You and I agreed that you would protect me from violence if he used it; there’s no doubt he will, because I made my intentions clear last night and he locked me in my room. I managed to escape through a window; see, my hands are bleeding. They might be searching for me right now, but Ralph is at Bellerive, so he won't know where I am. I've decided to stay hidden until Monsieur Delmare decides to leave me behind. Have you thought about preparing for my escape, about creating a safe place for me? It's been so long since I’ve been able to see you alone that I don’t know what your current feelings are; but one day, when I expressed some doubts about your commitment, you told me you couldn’t imagine love without trust; you reminded me that you had never doubted me, you showed me that I was being unfair, and because of that, I feared that I would fall short if I didn't let go of those childish suspicions and the countless little demands women make that tarnish ordinary love affairs. I've patiently endured the shortness of your visits, the awkwardness of our meetings, and the way you seemed eager to avoid any open exchange of feelings with me; I’ve kept my faith in you. I swear to Heaven that when anxiety and fear were eating away at my heart, I dismissed them as wrong thoughts. I’ve come now to seek the reward for my faith; the time has come; tell me, do you accept my sacrifices?"
The crisis was so urgent that Raymon did not feel bold enough to pretend any longer. Desperate, frantic to find himself caught in his own trap, he lost his head and vented his temper in coarse and brutal maledictions.
The crisis was so urgent that Raymon didn't feel brave enough to keep pretending any longer. Desperate and frantic to find himself caught in his own trap, he lost his cool and exploded with harsh and brutal curses.
"You are a mad woman!" he cried, throwing himself into a chair. "Where have you dreamed of love? in what romance written for the entertainment of lady's-maids, have you studied society, I pray to know?"
"You’re crazy!" he shouted, collapsing into a chair. "Where did you learn about love? In what romance meant for the entertainment of maids did you study society, if I may ask?"
He paused, realizing that he had been far too rough, and cudgelling his brains to find a way of saying the same things in other terms and of sending her away without insulting her.
He paused, realizing that he had been way too harsh, and racking his brain to find a way to say the same things differently and send her away without offending her.
But she was calm, like one prepared to listen to anything.
But she was calm, like someone ready to hear whatever was said.
"Go on," she said, folding her arms over her heart, whose throbbing gradually grew less violent; "I am listening; I presume that you have something more than that to say to me?"
"Go ahead," she said, folding her arms over her heart, whose pounding gradually grew less intense; "I'm listening; I assume you have more to say to me?"
"Still another effort of the imagination, another love scene," thought Raymon.—"Never," he cried, springing excitedly to his feet, "never will I accept such sacrifices! When I told you that I should have the strength to do it, Indiana, I boasted too much, or rather I slandered myself; for the man is no better than a dastard who will consent to dishonor the woman he loves. In your ignorance of life, you failed to realize the importance of such a plan, and I, in my despair at the thought of losing you, did not choose to reflect——"
"Another effort of the imagination, another love scene," Raymon thought. "Never," he shouted, jumping excitedly to his feet, "I will never accept such sacrifices! When I told you that I would have the strength to do it, Indiana, I was boasting too much, or rather I was slandering myself; for a man is no better than a coward who would agree to dishonor the woman he loves. In your ignorance of life, you didn’t understand how important such a plan is, and I, in my despair at the thought of losing you, didn’t stop to think—"
"Your power of reflection has returned very suddenly!" she said, withdrawing her hand, which he tried to take.
"Your ability to reflect has come back very suddenly!" she said, pulling her hand away, which he tried to grab.
"Indiana," he rejoined, "do you not see that you impose the dishonorable part on me, while you reserve the heroic part for yourself, and that you condemn me because I desire to remain worthy of your love? Could you continue to love me, ignorant and simple-hearted woman that you are, if I sacrificed your life to my pleasure, your reputation to my selfish interests?"
"Indiana," he replied, "don't you see that you're putting me in the dishonorable position while keeping the heroic one for yourself? You judge me because I want to remain deserving of your love. Could you still love me, naïve and simple-hearted as you are, if I sacrificed your life for my own enjoyment and your reputation for my selfish desires?"
"You say things that are very contradictory," said Indiana; "if I made you happy by remaining with you, what do you care for public opinion? Do you care more for it than for me?"
"You say things that don’t make sense," Indiana said. "If being with you makes me happy, why do you care about what everyone else thinks? Do you value their opinion more than you value me?"
"Oh! I do not care for it on my account, Indiana!"
"Oh! I don't care about it for my sake, Indiana!"
"Is it on my account then? I anticipated your scruples and to spare you anything like remorse I have taken the initiative; I did not wait for you to come and carry me away from my home, I did not even consult you with regard to crossing my husband's threshold forever. That decisive step is taken, and your conscience cannot reproach you for it. At this moment, Raymon, I am dishonored. In your absence I counted on yonder clock the hours that consummated my disgrace; and now, although the dawn finds my brow as pure as it was yesterday, I am a lost creature in public opinion. Yesterday there was still some compassion for me in the hearts of other women; to-day there will be no feeling left but contempt. I considered all these things before acting."
"Is this my fault then? I anticipated your concerns and to avoid making you feel guilty, I took the lead; I didn't wait for you to come and take me away from my home, I didn't even ask you before deciding to leave my husband's house for good. That important step is done, and your conscience can't blame you for it. Right now, Raymon, I am dishonored. In your absence, I counted the hours on that clock that marked my downfall; and now, even though the morning finds my face as innocent as it was yesterday, I am a lost cause in the eyes of society. Yesterday, some women still felt sympathy for me; today, there will be nothing left but contempt. I thought about all this before I acted."
"Infernal female foresight!" thought Raymon.
"Unbelievable female intuition!" thought Raymon.
And then, struggling against her as he would have done against a bailiff who had come to levy on his furniture, he said in a caressing fatherly tone:
And then, fighting against her like he would have against a landlord trying to seize his furniture, he said in a gentle, fatherly tone:
"You exaggerate the importance of what you have done. No, my love, all is not lost because of one rash step. I will enjoin silence on my servants."
"You’re making too big a deal out of what you’ve done. No, my love, everything isn’t ruined because of one hasty decision. I will instruct my servants to keep quiet."
"Will you enjoin silence on mine who, I doubt not, are anxiously looking for me at this moment. And my husband, do you think he will quietly keep the secret? do you think he will consent to receive me to-morrow, when I have passed a whole night under your roof? Will you advise me to go back and throw myself at his feet, and ask him, as a proof of his forgiveness, to be kind enough to replace on my neck the chain which has crushed my life and withered my youth? You would consent, without regret, to see the woman whom you loved so dearly go back and resume another man's yoke, when you have her fate in your hands, when you can keep her in your arms all your life, when she is in your power, offering to remain there forever! You would not feel the least repugnance, the least alarm in surrendering her at once to the implacable master, who perhaps awaits her coming only to kill her!"
"Will you demand silence from those who, I'm sure, are anxiously waiting for me right now? And my husband, do you really think he will just keep this secret? Do you believe he will agree to take me back tomorrow after I've spent an entire night under your roof? Would you advise me to go back and throw myself at his feet, asking him, as a sign of his forgiveness, to kindly put back around my neck the chain that has crushed my life and drained my youth? You would willingly let the woman you loved so much go back and take on another man's burden, when you have the chance to shape her future, when you could hold her in your arms for the rest of your life, when she is yours, ready to stay forever! You would feel no hesitation, no fear in handing her over right away to the relentless master who might be waiting just to destroy her!"
A thought flashed through Raymon's brain. The moment had come to subdue that womanly pride, or it would never come. She had offered him all the sacrifices that he did not want, and she stood before him in overweening confidence that she ran no other risks than those she had foreseen. Raymon conceived a scheme for ridding himself of her embarrassing devotion or of deriving some profit from it. He was too good a friend of Delmare, he owed too much consideration to the man's unbounded confidence to steal his wife from him; he must content himself with seducing her.
A thought crossed Raymon's mind. The time had come to put aside that feminine pride, or it might never happen. She had offered him all the sacrifices he didn’t want, and she stood in front of him, overly confident that she faced no risks beyond those she anticipated. Raymon came up with a plan to either free himself from her awkward devotion or make some benefit from it. He was too good of a friend to Delmare and owed too much to the man’s complete trust to steal his wife; he would have to settle for seducing her.
"You are right, my Indiana," he cried with animation, "you bring me back to myself, you rekindle my transports which the thought of your danger and the dread of injuring you had cooled. Forgive my childish solicitude and let me prove to you how much of tenderness and genuine love it denotes. Your sweet voice makes my blood quiver, your burning words pour fire into my veins; forgive, oh! forgive me for having thought of anything else than this ineffable moment when I at last possess you. Let me forget all the dangers that threaten us and thank you on my knees for the happiness you bring me; let me live entirely in this hour of bliss which I pass at your feet and for which all my blood would not pay. Let him come, that dolt of a husband who locks you up and goes to sleep upon his vulgar brutality, let him come and snatch you from my transports! let him come and snatch you from my arms, my treasure, my life! Henceforth you do not belong to him; you are my sweetheart, my companion, my mistress——"
"You’re right, my Indiana," he exclaimed with excitement, "you bring me back to myself, you reignite my passion that the thought of your danger and the fear of hurting you had dampened. Please forgive my childish concerns and let me show you how much tenderness and genuine love this reveals. Your sweet voice makes my blood race, your fiery words send heat through my veins; forgive me for thinking of anything other than this indescribable moment when I finally have you. Let me forget all the dangers we face and thank you on my knees for the happiness you give me; let me live entirely in this moment of joy at your feet, a moment for which I would give anything. Let that fool of a husband who locks you away and drifts off to sleep in his vulgar selfishness come! Let him come and take you from my ecstasy! Let him come and take you from my arms, my treasure, my life! From now on, you don’t belong to him; you are my sweetheart, my companion, my mistress—"
As he pleaded thus, Raymon gradually worked himself up, as he was accustomed to do when arguing his passions. It was a powerful, a romantic situation; it offered some risks. Raymon loved danger, like a genuine descendant of a race of valiant knights. Every sound that he heard in the street seemed to denote the coming of the husband to claim his wife and his rival's blood. To seek the joys of love in the stirring emotions of such a situation was a diversion worthy of Raymon. For a quarter of an hour he loved Madame Delmare passionately, he lavished upon her the seductions of burning eloquence. He was truly powerful in his language and sincere in his behavior—this man whose ardent brain considered love-making a polite accomplishment. He played at passion so well that he deceived himself. Shame upon that foolish woman! She abandoned herself in ecstasy to those treacherous demonstrations; she was happy, she was radiant with hope and joy; she forgave everything, she almost accorded everything.
As he pleaded this way, Raymon gradually got more worked up, as he was used to doing when arguing his feelings. It was an intense, romantic situation; it came with some risks. Raymon loved danger, just like a true descendant of a line of brave knights. Every sound he heard in the street seemed to signal the husband’s arrival to confront both his wife and his rival. Seeking the pleasures of love amidst the thrilling emotions of such a scenario was a distraction worthy of Raymon. For about fifteen minutes, he loved Madame Delmare passionately, showering her with the charms of passionate speech. He was incredibly persuasive in his words and genuine in his actions—this man whose fervent mind viewed flirting as a refined skill. He played at passion so convincingly that he fooled himself. Shame on that naive woman! She gave herself over in bliss to those deceitful displays; she was happy, radiating hope and joy; she forgave everything, she practically accepted everything.
But Raymon ruined himself by over-precipitation. If he had carried his art so far as to prolong for twenty-four hours the situation in which Indiana had risked herself, she would perhaps have been his. But the day was breaking, bright and rosy; the sun poured floods of light into the room, and the noise in the street increased with every moment. Raymon cast a glance at the clock; it was nearly seven.
But Raymon messed everything up by acting too quickly. If he had just taken his time and extended the situation where Indiana had put herself at risk for another twenty-four hours, she might have been his. But dawn was breaking, bright and pink; the sun flooded the room with light, and the noise outside was getting louder by the minute. Raymon glanced at the clock; it was almost seven.
"It is time to have done with it," he thought; "Delmare may appear at any moment, and before that happens I must induce her to return home voluntarily."
"It’s time to put an end to this," he thought; "Delmare could show up at any moment, and before that happens, I have to persuade her to come home willingly."
He became more urgent and less tender; the pallor of his lips betrayed the working of an impatience more imperious than delicate. There was in his kisses a sort of abruptness, almost anger. Indiana was afraid. A good angel spread its wings over that wavering and bewildered soul; she came to herself and repelled the attacks of cold and selfish vice.
He became more intense and less gentle; the pale color of his lips showed a restlessness that was more forceful than soft. His kisses had a kind of suddenness, almost fury. Indiana felt scared. A kind spirit spread its wings over her confused and troubled soul; she gained clarity and pushed away the assaults of cold and selfish evil.
"Leave me," she said; "I do not propose to yield through weakness what I am willing to accord for love or gratitude. You cannot need proofs of my affection; my presence here is a sufficiently decisive one, and I bring the future with me. But allow me to keep all the strength of my conscience to contend against the powerful obstacles that still separate us; I need stoicism and tranquillity."
"Leave me," she said. "I’m not going to give up out of weakness what I would gladly offer because of love or gratitude. You shouldn’t need proof of my affection; my being here is proof enough, and I bring the future with me. But let me keep all the strength of my conscience to fight against the strong obstacles that still keep us apart; I need calmness and composure."
"What are you talking about?" angrily demanded Raymon, who was furious at her resistance and had not listened to her.
"What are you talking about?" Raymon shouted angrily, furious at her resistance and completely ignoring what she had to say.
And, losing his head altogether in that moment of torture and wrath, he pushed her roughly away and strode up and down the room, with heaving bosom and head on fire; then he took a carafe and drank a large glass of water which suddenly calmed his excitement and cooled his love. Whereupon he looked at her ironically and said:
And, completely losing his cool in that moment of pain and anger, he shoved her away and paced back and forth in the room, with his chest heaving and his head burning; then he grabbed a carafe and drank a big glass of water, which instantly calmed him down and cooled his feelings. At that point, he looked at her with a smirk and said:
"Come, madame, it is time for you to retire."
"Come on, ma'am, it's time for you to head to bed."
A ray of light at last enlightened Indiana and laid Raymon's heart bare before her.
A ray of light finally revealed Indiana's true feelings and exposed Raymon's heart to her.
"You are right," she said.
"You're right," she said.
And she walked toward the door.
And she walked over to the door.
"Pray take your cloak and boa," he said, detaining her.
"Please take your coat and scarf," he said, stopping her.
"To be sure," she retorted, "those traces of my presence might compromise you."
"Sure," she shot back, "those signs of me might get you in trouble."
"You are a child," he said, in a coaxing tone, as he adjusted her cloak with ostentatious care; "you know very well that I love you; but really you take pleasure in torturing me, and you drive me mad. Wait until I go and call a cab. If I could, I would escort you home; but that would ruin you."
"You’re just a kid," he said, in a soothing tone, as he carefully adjusted her cloak; "you know I love you, but honestly, you seem to enjoy making me suffer, and it drives me crazy. Just wait until I go and get a cab. If I could, I would take you home; but that would mess things up for you."
"Pray, do you not think that I am ruined already?" she asked bitterly.
"Come on, do you really think I'm not already ruined?" she asked bitterly.
"No, my darling," replied Raymon, who asked nothing better than to persuade her to leave him in peace. "Nobody has noticed your absence, as they have not come here yet in search of you. Although I should be the last one to be suspected, it would be natural to inquire at the houses of all of your acquaintances. And then you can go and place yourself under your aunt's protection; indeed, that is the course I advise you to take; she will arrange everything. You will be supposed to have passed the night at her house."
"No, my darling," Raymon replied, eager to convince her to leave him alone. "No one has noticed you're missing since they haven't come looking for you yet. Even though I should be the last person they suspect, it's only natural to check in with all your friends. After that, you should stay with your aunt; that's the best option I can suggest. She'll take care of everything. People will think you spent the night at her place."
Madame Delmare was not listening; she was gazing stupidly at the sun, as it rose, huge and red, over an expanse of gleaming roofs. Raymon tried to rouse her from her preoccupation. She turned her eyes on him but seemed not to recognize him. Her cheeks had a greenish tinge and her parched lips seemed paralyzed.
Madame Delmare wasn’t paying attention; she was staring blankly at the sun as it rose, big and red, over a sea of shiny rooftops. Raymon tried to bring her back to reality. She looked at him but didn’t seem to recognize him. Her cheeks had a pale green color, and her dry lips looked stiff.
Raymon was terrified. He remembered the other's suicide, and, in his alarm, not knowing which way to turn, dreading lest he should become twice a criminal in his own eyes, but feeling too exhausted mentally to be able to deceive her again, he pushed her gently into an easy-chair, locked the door, and went up to his mother's room.
Raymon was scared. He thought about the other person's suicide, and in his fear, not knowing what to do, terrified that he might see himself as a criminal again, but feeling too mentally drained to trick her once more, he gently pushed her into an armchair, locked the door, and went up to his mom's room.
XXI
He found her awake; she was accustomed to rise early, the result of habits of hard-working activity which she had formed during the emigration, and which she had not abandoned when she recovered her wealth.
He found her awake; she was used to getting up early, a result of the hard-working habits she had developed during her time of emigration, and she hadn't given those up even after regaining her wealth.
Seeing Raymon enter her room so late, pale and excited, and in full dress, she realized that he was struggling in one of the frequent crises of his stormy life. She had always been his refuge and salvation in these periods of agitation, of which no trace remained save a deep and sorrowful one in her mother-heart. Her life had been withered and used up by all that Raymon had acquired and reacquired. Her son's character, impetuous yet cold, reflective yet passionate, was a consequence of her inexhaustible love and generous indulgence. He would have been a better man with a mother less kind; but she had accustomed him to make the most of all the sacrifices that she consented to make for him; she had taught him to seek and to advance his own well-being as zealously and as powerfully as she sought it. Because she deemed herself created to preserve him from all sorrows and to sacrifice all her own interests to him, he had accustomed himself to believe that the whole world was created for him and would place itself in his hand at a word from his mother. By an abundance of generosity she had succeeded only in forming a selfish heart.
Seeing Raymon come into her room so late, pale and excited, and all dressed up, she realized he was caught up in one of the frequent crises of his turbulent life. She had always been his safe haven during these times of turmoil, which left only a deep and sorrowful mark on her mother’s heart. Her life had been drained and exhausted by everything Raymon had gained and lost. Her son’s character, impulsive yet distant, thoughtful yet passionate, was a result of her boundless love and generous tolerance. He might have been a better man with a mother who was less indulgent; instead, she had trained him to take full advantage of her sacrifices; she had taught him to pursue his own happiness as actively and fiercely as she pursued it for him. Because she believed she was meant to protect him from all pain and to sacrifice her own interests for him, he had come to think that the whole world revolved around him and would come to him at a word from his mother. Through her overwhelming generosity, she had only built a selfish heart.
She turned pale, did the poor mother, and, sitting up in bed, gazed anxiously at him. Her glance said at once: "What can I do for you? Where must I go?"
She went pale, the poor mother, and sitting up in bed, looked at him anxiously. Her eyes seemed to say right away: "What can I do for you? Where do I need to go?"
"Mother," he said, grasping the dry, transparent hand that she held out to him, "I am horribly unhappy, I need your help. Save me from the troubles by which I am surrounded. I love Madame Delmare, as you know——"
"Mom," he said, taking the dry, delicate hand she extended to him, "I’m really unhappy, I need your help. Please save me from the problems surrounding me. I love Madame Delmare, as you know——"
"I did not know it," said Madame de Ramière, in a tone of affectionate reproof.
"I didn’t know that," said Madame de Ramière, with a tone of gentle reproach.
"Don't try to deny it, dear mother," said Raymon, who had no time to waste; "you did know it, and your admirable delicacy prevented you speaking of it first. Well, that woman is driving me to despair, and my brain is going."
"Don't try to deny it, Mom," said Raymon, who had no time to waste; "you knew it all along, and your awesome sensitivity kept you from bringing it up first. Well, that woman is driving me crazy, and I'm losing my mind."
"Tell me what you mean!" said Madame de Ramière, with the youthful vivacity born of ardent maternal love.
"Tell me what you mean!" said Madame de Ramière, with the youthful energy that comes from deep maternal love.
"I do not mean to conceal anything from you, especially as I am not guilty this time. For several months I have been trying to calm her romantic brain and bring her back to a sense of her duties; but all my efforts serve only to intensify this thirst for danger, this craving for adventure that ferments in the brains of all the women of her country. At this moment she is here, in my room, against my will, and I cannot induce her to go away."
"I’m not trying to hide anything from you, especially since I’m not at fault this time. For several months, I’ve been trying to soothe her romantic mind and remind her of her responsibilities; but all my efforts only seem to fuel this thirst for danger and craving for adventure that stirs in the minds of all the women from her country. Right now, she’s here in my room, against my wishes, and I can’t get her to leave."
"Unhappy child!" said Madame de Ramière, dressing herself in haste. "Such a timid, gentle creature! I will go and see her, talk to her! that is what you came to ask me to do, isn't it?"
"Unhappy child!" said Madame de Ramière, getting dressed quickly. "Such a shy, gentle soul! I'll go see her, talk to her! That's what you came to ask me to do, right?"
"Yes, yes," said Raymon, moved involuntarily by his mother's goodness of heart; "go and make her understand the language of reason and kindness. She will love virtue from your lips, I doubt not; perhaps she will give way to your caresses; she will recover her self-control, poor creature! she suffers so keenly!"
"Yeah, yeah," Raymon said, touched by his mother's kindness; "go ahead and show her the language of reason and compassion. I'm sure she'll appreciate virtue coming from you; maybe she'll respond to your affection; she'll regain her composure, that poor thing! She’s in so much pain!"
Raymon threw himself into a chair and began to weep, the divers emotions of the morning had so shaken his nerves. His mother wept with him and could not make up her mind to go down until she had forced him to take a few drops of ether.
Raymon collapsed into a chair and started crying; the mixed emotions of the morning had completely unsettled him. His mother cried alongside him and couldn’t bring herself to go downstairs until she managed to give him a few drops of ether.
Indiana was not weeping and rose with a calm and dignified air when she recognized her. Madame de Ramière was so little prepared for such a dignified and noble bearing, that she felt embarrassed before the younger woman, as if she had shown lack of consideration for her by taking her by surprise in her son's bedroom. She yielded to the deep and true emotion of her heart and opened her arms impulsively. Madame Delmare threw herself into them; her despair found vent in bitter sobs and the two women wept a long while on each other's bosom.
Indiana wasn't crying and stood up with a calm and dignified presence when she recognized her. Madame de Ramière was so unprepared for such a composed and noble attitude that she felt embarrassed in front of the younger woman, as if she had disrespected her by catching her off guard in her son's bedroom. She surrendered to the genuine emotions of her heart and opened her arms impulsively. Madame Delmare threw herself into them; her despair erupted in bitter sobs, and the two women wept for a long time in each other's embrace.
But when Madame de Ramière would have spoken, Indiana checked her.
But when Madame de Ramière was about to speak, Indiana stopped her.
"Do not say anything to me, madame," she said, wiping away her tears; "you could find no words to say that would not cause me pain. Your interest and your kisses are enough to prove your generous affection; my heart is as much relieved as it can be. I will go now; I do not need your urging to realize what I have to do."
"Please don’t say anything to me, ma'am," she said, wiping away her tears. "There’s nothing you could say that wouldn’t hurt me. Your concern and your kisses show your kind affection; my heart feels as relieved as it can. I’ll leave now; I don’t need you to push me to understand what I need to do."
"But I did not come to send you away, but to comfort you," said Madame de Ramière.
"But I didn't come to send you away, but to comfort you," said Madame de Ramière.
"I cannot be comforted," she replied, kissing her once more; "love me, that will help me a little; but do not speak to me. Adieu, madame; you believe in God—pray for me."
"I can't be comforted," she said, kissing her again; "love me, that will help a little; but don't talk to me. Goodbye, madame; you believe in God—pray for me."
"You shall not go alone!" cried Madame de Ramière; "I will myself go with you to your husband, to justify you, defend you and protect you."
"You can't go by yourself!" exclaimed Madame de Ramière. "I'll go with you to your husband to support you, defend you, and keep you safe."
"Generous woman!" said Indiana, embracing her warmly, "you cannot do it. You alone are ignorant of Raymon's secret; all Paris will be talking about it to-night, and you would play an incongruous part in such a story. Let me bear the scandal of it alone; I shall not suffer long."
"Generous woman!" said Indiana, hugging her tightly, "you can't do that. You're the only one unaware of Raymon's secret; the whole of Paris will be discussing it tonight, and you would be out of place in such a story. Let me handle the scandal on my own; I won’t be affected for long."
"What do you mean? would you commit the crime of taking your own life? Dear child! you too believe in God, do you not?"
"What do you mean? Would you really consider taking your own life? Dear child! You believe in God too, don’t you?"
"And so, madame, I start for Ile Bourbon in three days."
"And so, ma'am, I'm heading to Ile Bourbon in three days."
"Come to my arms, my darling child! come and let me bless you! God will reward your courage."
"Come into my arms, my dear child! Come, and let me bless you! God will reward your bravery."
"I trust so," said Indiana, looking up at the sky.
"I hope so," said Indiana, looking up at the sky.
Madame de Ramière insisted on sending for a carriage; but Indiana resisted. She was resolved to return alone and without causing a sensation. In vain did Raymon's mother express her alarm at the idea of her undertaking so long a journey on foot in her exhausted, agitated condition.
Madame de Ramière insisted on calling for a carriage, but Indiana stood her ground. She was determined to go back by herself without drawing any attention. Despite Raymon's mother expressing her worry about the idea of her making such a long journey on foot in her tired and upset state, Indiana remained firm.
"I have strength enough," she said; "a word from Raymon sufficed to give me all I need."
"I have enough strength," she said; "just one word from Raymon was all it took to give me everything I need."
She wrapped herself in her cloak, lowered her black lace veil and left the house by a secret door to which Madame de Ramière showed her the way. As soon as she stepped into the street she felt as if her trembling legs would refuse to carry her; it seemed to her every moment that she could feel her furious husband's brutal hand seize her, throw her down and drag her in the gutter. Soon the noise in the street, the indifference of the faces that passed her on every side and the penetrating chill of the morning air restored her strength and tranquillity, but it was a pitiable sort of strength and a tranquillity as depressing as that which sometimes prevails on the ocean and alarms the far-sighted sailor more than the howling of the tempest. She walked along the quays from the Institute to the Corps Législatif; but she forgot to cross the bridge and continued to wander by the river, absorbed in a bewildered reverie, in meditation without ideas, and walking aimlessly on and on.
She wrapped herself in her cloak, pulled down her black lace veil, and left the house through a secret door that Madame de Ramière showed her. As soon as she stepped into the street, she felt as though her trembling legs would give out; she was certain at any moment that she could feel her angry husband’s rough hand grab her, throw her down, and drag her into the gutter. Soon, the noise in the street, the indifference of the faces passing by her, and the biting chill of the morning air restored her strength and calm, but it was a pitiful kind of strength and a calm as unsettling as the eerie stillness that sometimes hangs over the ocean, which alarms the far-sighted sailor more than a howling storm. She walked along the quays from the Institute to the Corps Législatif; however, she forgot to cross the bridge and continued to wander by the river, lost in a dazed reverie, meditating without clear thoughts, and walking aimlessly on and on.

SIR RALPH SAVES INDIANA
SIR RALPH RESCUES INDIANA
In that moment of vertigo she leaned against a wall and bent forward, fascinated, over what seemed to her a solid mass. But the bark of a dog that was capering about her distracted her thoughts and delayed for some seconds the accomplishment of her design. Meanwhile a man ran to the spot, guided by the dog's voice, seized her around the waist, dragged her back and laid her on the ruins of an abandoned boat on the shore.
In that dizzy moment, she leaned against a wall and bent forward, captivated by what looked like a solid mass. But the barking of a dog that was playing nearby distracted her thoughts and delayed her intentions for a few seconds. In the meantime, a man rushed to the scene, following the dog's sound, grabbed her around the waist, pulled her back, and laid her on the remains of an old boat on the shore.
She gradually drew nearer to the river, which washed pieces of ice ashore at her feet and shattered them on the stones along the shore with a dry sound that suggested cold. The greenish water exerted an attractive force on Indiana's senses. One becomes accustomed to horrible ideas; by dint of dwelling on them one takes pleasure in them. The thought of Noun's suicide had soothed her hours of despair for so many months, that suicide had assumed in her mind the form of a tempting pleasure. A single thought, a religious thought, had prevented her from deciding definitely upon it; but at this moment no well-defined thought controlled her exhausted brain. She hardly remembered that God existed, that Raymon ever existed, and she walked on, still drawing nearer the bank, obeying the instinct of unhappiness and the magnetic force of suffering.
She slowly moved closer to the river, which washed pieces of ice onto the shore at her feet and broke them against the stones with a dry sound that hinted at the cold. The greenish water had a magnetic pull on Indiana's senses. You get used to awful ideas; if you keep thinking about them, you start to find pleasure in them. The thought of Noun’s suicide had comforted her in her despair for so long that suicide had taken on a seductive allure in her mind. One single thought, a spiritual one, had stopped her from fully committing to it; but at that moment, no clear thought was guiding her tired mind. She barely remembered that God existed, that Raymon ever existed, and she continued walking, getting closer to the riverbank, following the instinct of her misery and the magnetic pull of suffering.
When she felt the stinging cold of the water on her feet, she woke as if from a fit of somnambulism, and on looking about to discover where she was, saw Paris behind her and the Seine rushing by at her feet, bearing in its oily depths the white reflection of the houses and the grayish blue of the sky. This constant movement of the water and the immobility of the ground became confused in her bewildered mind, and it seemed to her that the water was sleeping and the ground moving. In that moment of vertigo she leaned against a wall and bent forward, fascinated, over what seemed to her a solid mass. But the bark of a dog that was capering about her distracted her thoughts and delayed for some seconds the accomplishment of her design. Meanwhile a man ran to the spot, guided by the dog's voice, seized her around the waist, dragged her back and laid her on the ruins of an abandoned boat on the shore. She looked in his face and did not recognize him. He knelt at her foot, unfastened his cloak and wrapped it about her, took her hands in his to warm them and called her by name. But her brain was too weak to make an effort; for forty-eight hours she had forgotten to eat.
When she felt the sharp cold of the water on her feet, she woke up as if from a sleepwalker’s daze, and when she looked around to see where she was, she saw Paris behind her and the Seine flowing at her feet, reflecting the pale outlines of the buildings and the gray-blue sky in its murky depths. The constant movement of the water and the stillness of the ground blurred together in her confused mind, and it felt to her like the water was still and the ground was moving. In that dizzying moment, she leaned against a wall and bent forward, captivated by what seemed like a solid mass. But the barking of a dog that was playing nearby pulled her attention away and delayed her for a few seconds. Meanwhile, a man ran over, drawn by the sound of the dog, grabbed her around the waist, pulled her back, and laid her down on the wreck of an old boat on the shore. She looked at his face but didn’t recognize him. He knelt at her feet, unfastened his cloak, and wrapped it around her, took her hands in his to warm them, and called her name. But her mind was too foggy to respond; she hadn’t eaten for forty-eight hours.
However, when the blood began to circulate in her benumbed limbs, she saw Ralph kneeling beside her, holding her hands and watching for the return of consciousness.
However, when the blood started to flow back into her numbed limbs, she saw Ralph kneeling beside her, holding her hands and waiting for her to regain consciousness.
"Did you meet Noun?" she asked him. "I saw her pass along there," she added, pointing to the river, distracted by her fixed idea. "I tried to follow her, but she walked too fast, and I am not strong enough to walk. It was like a nightmare."
"Did you meet Noun?" she asked him. "I saw her walk by over there," she added, pointing to the river, distracted by her obsession. "I tried to follow her, but she walked too fast, and I'm not strong enough to keep up. It felt like a nightmare."
Ralph looked at her in sore distress. He too felt as if his head were bursting and his brain running wild.
Ralph looked at her with deep distress. He also felt like his head was going to explode and his thoughts were racing out of control.
"Let us go," she continued; "but first see if you can find my feet; I lost them on the stones."
"Let's go," she said; "but first see if you can find my feet; I lost them on the stones."
Ralph saw that her feet were wet and paralyzed by cold. He carried her in his arms to a house near by, where the kindly care of a hospitable woman restored her to consciousness. Meanwhile Ralph sent word to Monsieur Delmare that his wife was found; but the colonel had not returned home when the news arrived. He was continuing his search in a frenzy of anxiety and wrath. Ralph, being more perspicacious, had gone to Monsieur de Ramière's, but he had found Raymon, who had just gone to bed and who was very cool and ironical in his reception of him. Then he had thought of Noun and had followed the river in one direction, while his servant did the same in the other direction. Ophelia had speedily found her mistress's scent and had led Ralph to the place where he found her.
Ralph noticed that her feet were wet and frozen from the cold. He carried her in his arms to a nearby house, where the kind care of a welcoming woman brought her back to consciousness. In the meantime, Ralph informed Monsieur Delmare that his wife had been found; however, the colonel had not returned home when the news reached him. He was still searching, consumed by anxiety and anger. Ralph, being more perceptive, had gone to Monsieur de Ramière's place, but he found Raymon, who had just gone to bed and was very cool and sarcastic in his response. Then he thought of Noun and followed the river in one direction while his servant did the same in the opposite direction. Ophelia quickly picked up her mistress's scent and led Ralph to where he found her.
When Indiana was able to recall what had taken place during that wretched night, she tried in vain to remember the occurrences of her moments of delirium. She was unable therefore to explain to her cousin what thoughts had guided her action during the last hour; but he divined them and understood the state of her heart without questioning her. He simply took her hand and said to her in a gentle but grave tone:
When Indiana could remember what happened that awful night, she tried hard to recall the events of her moments of delirium. She couldn’t explain to her cousin what thoughts had influenced her actions during the last hour, but he sensed them and understood how she felt without asking. He just took her hand and said to her in a soft yet serious tone:
"Cousin, I require one promise from you; it is the last proof of friendship which I shall ever ask at your hands."
"Cousin, I need one promise from you; it's the last sign of friendship I'll ever ask from you."
"Tell me what it is," she replied; "to oblige you is the only pleasure that is left to me."
"Tell me what it is," she replied; "doing what you ask is the only joy I have left."
"Well then," rejoined Ralph, "swear to me that you will not resort to suicide without notifying me. I swear to you on my honor that I will not oppose your design in any way. I simply insist on being notified: as for life, I care about it as little as you do, and you know that I have often had the same idea."
"Alright then," Ralph replied, "promise me that you won't go through with suicide without telling me first. I swear to you on my honor that I won't try to stop you in any way. I just want to be informed: as for life, I care about it as little as you do, and you know I've had the same thought before."
"Why do you talk of suicide?" said Madame Delmare. "I have never intended to take my own life. I am afraid of God; if it weren't for that!——"
"Why are you talking about suicide?" said Madame Delmare. "I've never thought about taking my own life. I'm afraid of God; if it weren't for that!——"
"Just now, Indiana, when I seized you in my arms, when this poor beast"—and he patted Ophelia—"caught your dress, you had forgotten God and the whole universe, poor Ralph with the rest."
"Right now, Indiana, when I held you in my arms, when this poor creature"—and he patted Ophelia—"grabbed your dress, you totally forgot about God and the entire world, including poor Ralph."
A tear stood in Indiana's eye. She pressed Sir Ralph's hand.
A tear filled Indiana's eye. She squeezed Sir Ralph's hand.
"Why did you stop me?" she said sadly; "I should be on God's bosom now, for I was not guilty, I did not know what I was doing."
"Why did you stop me?" she said sadly. "I should be resting in God's embrace now, because I wasn't guilty; I didn't know what I was doing."
"I saw that, and I thought that it was better to commit suicide after due reflection. We will talk about it again if you choose."
"I saw that, and I thought it would be better to take my own life after thinking it through. We can discuss it again if you want."
Indiana shuddered. The cab stopped in front of the house where she was to confront her husband. She had not the strength to mount the steps and Ralph carried her to her room. Their whole retinue was reduced to a single maid servant, who had gone to discuss Madame Delmare's flight with the neighbors, and Lelièvre, who, in despair, had gone to the morgue to inspect the bodies brought in that morning. So Ralph remained with Madame Delmare to nurse her. She was suffering intensely when a loud peal of the bell announced the colonel's return. A shudder of terror and hatred ran through her every vein. She seized her cousin's arm.
Indiana shuddered. The cab stopped in front of the house where she was supposed to confront her husband. She didn’t have the strength to climb the steps, so Ralph carried her to her room. Their whole entourage had been reduced to just one maid, who had gone off to talk to the neighbors about Madame Delmare's escape, and Lelièvre, who, in his anguish, had gone to the morgue to see the bodies that were brought in that morning. So Ralph stayed with Madame Delmare to care for her. She was in great pain when a loud ring of the doorbell announced the colonel's return. A wave of terror and hatred coursed through her veins. She grabbed her cousin's arm.
"Listen, Ralph," she said; "if you have the slightest affection for me, you will spare me the sight of that man in my present condition. I do not want to arouse his pity, I prefer his anger to that. Do not open the door, or else send him away; tell him that I haven't been found."
"Listen, Ralph," she said, "if you care about me at all, you'll keep that man away from me right now. I don't want to make him feel sorry for me; I’d rather have his anger instead. Don’t open the door, or just send him away; tell him I’m not here."
Her lips quivered, her arms clung to Ralph with convulsive strength, to detain him. Torn by two conflicting feelings, the poor baronet could not make up his mind what to do. Delmare was jangling the bell as if he would break it, and his wife was almost dying in his chair.
Her lips trembled, her arms held onto Ralph with a tight grip to keep him there. Torn by two conflicting emotions, the poor baronet couldn't decide what to do. Delmare was ringing the bell like he wanted to shatter it, and his wife was practically collapsing in her chair.
"You think only of his anger," said Ralph at last; "you do not think of his misery, his anxiety; you still believe that he hates you. If you had seen his grief this morning!"
"You only think about his anger," Ralph finally said; "you don't consider his misery or his anxiety; you still think he hates you. If you had seen how upset he was this morning!"
Indiana dropped her arms, thoroughly exhausted, and Ralph went and opened the door.
Indiana dropped her arms, completely worn out, and Ralph went to open the door.
"Is she here?" cried the colonel, rushing in. "Ten thousand devils! I have run about enough after her; I am deeply obliged to her for putting such a pleasant duty on me! Deuce take her! I don't want to see her, for I should kill her!"
"Is she here?" shouted the colonel, bursting in. "Ten thousand devils! I've chased after her long enough; I'm really grateful to her for giving me such an enjoyable task! Damn her! I don’t want to see her, because I’d probably end up killing her!"
"You forget that she can hear you," replied Ralph in an undertone. "She is in no condition to bear any painful excitement. Be calm."
"You forget that she can hear you," Ralph replied softly. "She's not in a state to handle any painful excitement. Stay calm."
"Twenty-five thousand maledictions!" roared the colonel. "I have endured enough myself since this morning. It's a good thing for me that my nerves are like cables. Which of us is the more injured, the more exhausted, which of us has the better right to be sick, I pray to know,—she or I? And where did you find her? what was she doing? She is responsible for my having outrageously insulted that foolish old woman, Carvajal, who gave me ambiguous answers and blamed me for this charming freak! Damnation! I am dead beat!"
"Twenty-five thousand curses!" the colonel shouted. "I’ve had enough of this since this morning. Luckily for me, my nerves are like steel. Who’s the one more hurt, more exhausted, who has the greater right to be sick, I want to know—her or me? And where did you find her? What was she up to? She’s the reason I went off on that ridiculous old woman, Carvajal, who gave me vague answers and put the blame on me for this lovely disaster! Damn it! I’m completely worn out!"
As he spoke thus in his harsh, hoarse voice, Delmare had thrown himself on a chair in the ante-room; he wiped his brow from which the perspiration was streaming despite the intense cold; he described with many oaths his fatigues, his anxieties, his sufferings; he asked a thousand questions, and, luckily, did not listen to the answers, for poor Ralph could not lie, and he could think of nothing in what he had to tell that was likely to appease the colonel. So he sat on a table, as silent and unmoved as if he were absolutely without interest in the sufferings of those two, and yet he was really more unhappy in their unhappiness than they themselves were.
As he spoke in his rough, raspy voice, Delmare threw himself onto a chair in the anteroom; he wiped his brow, which was dripping with sweat despite the freezing cold. He vented with a lot of swearing about his exhaustion, worries, and pain; he bombarded Ralph with a thousand questions and, thankfully, didn't listen to the answers, because poor Ralph couldn't lie, and he couldn't think of anything he needed to say that would calm the colonel down. So he sat on a table, silent and unfazed, as if he had no interest in the suffering of the two, though he was actually more troubled by their misery than they were.
Madame Delmare, when she heard her husband's imprecations, felt stronger than she expected. She preferred this fierce wrath, which reconciled her with herself, to a generous forbearance which would have aroused her remorse. She wiped away the last trace of her tears and summoned what remained of her strength, which she was well content to expend in a day, so heavy a burden had life become to her. Her husband accosted her in a harsh and imperious tone, but suddenly changed his expression and his manner and seemed sorely embarrassed, overmatched by the superiority of her character. He tried to be as cool and dignified as she was; but he could not succeed.
Madame Delmare, upon hearing her husband's angry outbursts, felt stronger than she had expected. She preferred this intense rage, which made her feel at peace with herself, over a generous leniency that would have made her feel guilty. She wiped away her last tears and gathered the little strength she had left, which she was more than willing to spend in a single day—life had become such a heavy burden for her. Her husband approached her with a harsh and commanding tone but suddenly changed his expression and demeanor, looking clearly uncomfortable and outmatched by her strong character. He tried to appear as calm and dignified as she was, but he couldn't pull it off.
"Will you condescend to inform me, madame," he said, "where you passed the morning and perhaps the night?"
"Will you do me the favor of telling me, ma'am," he said, "where you spent the morning and maybe the night?"
That perhaps indicated to Madame Delmare that her absence had not been discovered until late. Her courage increased with that knowledge.
That maybe indicated to Madame Delmare that her absence hadn’t been noticed until late. Her confidence grew with that realization.
"No, monsieur," she replied, "I do not propose to tell you."
"No, sir," she replied, "I don't plan to tell you."
Delmare turned green with anger and amazement.
Delmare turned green with anger and shock.
"Do you really hope to conceal the truth from me?" he said, in a trembling voice.
"Do you really think you can hide the truth from me?" he said, in a shaking voice.
"I care very little about it," she replied in an icy tone. "I refuse to tell you solely for form's sake. I propose to convince you that you have no right to ask me that question?"
"I really don't care about it," she said in a cold tone. "I'm not going to tell you just for the sake of formality. I plan to show you that you have no right to ask me that question."
"I have no right, ten thousand devils. Who is master here, pray tell, you or I? Which of us wears a petticoat and ought to be running a distaff? Do you propose to take the beard off my chin? It would look well on you, hussy!"
"I have no right, ten thousand devils. Who's in charge here, you or me? Which of us is wearing a skirt and should be using a spinning wheel? Do you want to take the beard off my chin? It would suit you, you bold thing!"
"I know that I am the slave and you the master. The laws of this country make you my master. You can bind my body, tie my hands, govern my acts. You have the right of the stronger, and society confirms you in it; but you cannot command my will, monsieur; God alone can bend it and subdue it. Try to find a law, a dungeon, an instrument of torture that gives you any hold on it! you might as well try to handle the air and grasp space."
"I know I'm the one who’s trapped and you’re in control. The laws in this country make you my master. You can restrict my freedom, tie my hands, and control my actions. You have the advantage, and society backs you up; but you can't control my will, sir; only God can shape and conquer it. Try to find a law, a prison, or a torture device that can give you any power over it! You might as well try to grasp the air and hold onto space."
"Hold your tongue, you foolish, impertinent creature; your high-flown novelist's phrases weary me."
"Shut your mouth, you silly, rude person; your fancy novelist's phrases annoy me."
"You can impose silence on me, but not prevent me from thinking."
"You can make me stay quiet, but you can't stop me from thinking."
"Silly pride! pride of a poor worm! you abuse the compassion I have had for you! But you will soon see that this mighty will can be subdued without too much difficulty."
"Silly pride! Pride of a poor worm! You take advantage of the compassion I've shown you! But you'll soon realize that this strong will can be tamed without much trouble."
"I don't advise you to try it; your repose would suffer, and you would gain nothing in dignity."
"I don't recommend you try it; it would mess with your peace, and you wouldn't gain any respect."
"Do you think so?" he said, crushing her hand between his thumb and forefinger.
"Do you really think so?" he asked, squeezing her hand with his thumb and forefinger.
"I do think so," she said, without wincing.
"I think so," she said, without flinching.
Ralph stepped forward, grasped the colonel's arm in his iron hand and bent it like a reed, saying in a pacific tone:
Ralph stepped forward, grabbed the colonel's arm with his strong grip and bent it like a twig, saying in a calm voice:
"I beg that you will not touch a hair of that woman's head."
"I ask you not to touch a hair on that woman's head."
Delmare longed to fly at him; but he felt that he was in the wrong and he dreaded nothing in the world so much as having to blush for himself. So he simply pushed him away, saying:
Delmare wanted to jump at him, but he knew he was in the wrong and dreaded nothing more than the thought of embarrassing himself. So he just pushed him away, saying:
"Attend to your own business."
"Mind your own business."
Then he returned to his wife.
Then he came back to his wife.
"So, madame," he said, holding his arms tightly against his sides to resist the temptation to strike her, "you rebel against me, you refuse to go to Ile Bourbon with me, you desire a separation? Very well! Mordieu! I too——"
"So, ma'am," he said, keeping his arms tightly against his sides to avoid the urge to hit her, "you defy me, you refuse to go to Ile Bourbon with me, you want a separation? Fine! Mordieu! I too——"
"I desire it no longer," she replied. "I did desire it yesterday, it was my will; it is not so this morning. You resorted to violence and locked me in my room; I went out through the window to show you that there is a difference between exerting an absurd control over a woman's actions and reigning over her will. I passed several hours away from your domination; I breathed the air of liberty in order to show you that you are not morally my master, and that I look to no one on earth but myself for orders. As I walked along I reflected that I owed it to my duty and my conscience to return and place myself under your control once more. I did it of my own free will. My cousin accompanied me here, he did not bring me back. If I had not chosen to come with him, he could not have forced me to do it, as you can imagine. So, monsieur, do not waste your time fighting against my determination; you will never control it, you lost all right to change it as soon as you undertook to assert your right by force. Make your preparations for departure; I am ready to assist you and to accompany you, not because it is your will, but because it is my pleasure. You may condemn me, but I will never obey anyone but myself."
"I don't want it anymore," she replied. "I wanted it yesterday, it was my choice; it’s different this morning. You used force and locked me in my room; I climbed out the window to show you that there's a difference between trying to control a woman’s actions and ruling over her will. I spent several hours away from your control; I breathed the air of freedom to show you that you are not morally my master, and I look to no one but myself for guidance. As I walked, I thought it was my duty and my conscience that led me to return and put myself back under your control. I did it of my own free will. My cousin accompanied me here; he did not bring me back. If I hadn’t chosen to come with him, he couldn’t have forced me to do it, as you can imagine. So, sir, don’t waste your time fighting against my resolve; you will never control it, you lost all right to change it the moment you tried to assert your authority by force. Prepare to leave; I’m ready to help you and accompany you, not because you want it, but because it makes me happy. You may judge me, but I will never obey anyone but myself."
"I am sorry for the derangement of your mind," said the colonel, shrugging his shoulders.
"I'm sorry for the craziness you're going through," said the colonel, shrugging his shoulders.
And he went to his room to put his papers in order, well satisfied in his heart with Madame Delmare's resolution and anticipating no further obstacles; for he respected her word as much as he despised her ideas.
And he went to his room to organize his papers, feeling satisfied in his heart with Madame Delmare's decision and expecting no more obstacles; because he respected her word as much as he looked down on her ideas.
XXII
Raymon, yielding to fatigue, slept soundly after his curt reception of Sir Ralph, who came to his house to make inquiries. When he awoke, his heart was full of a feeling of intense relief; he believed that the worst crisis of his intrigue had finally come and gone. For a long time he had foreseen that there would come a time when he would be brought face to face with that woman's love and would have to defend his liberty against the exacting demands of a romantic passion; and he encouraged himself in advance by arguing against such pretensions. He had at last reached and crossed that dangerous spot: he had said no, he would have no occasion to go there again, for everything had happened for the best. Indiana had not wept overmuch, had not been too insistent. She had been quite reasonable; she had understood at the first word and had made up her mind quickly and proudly.
Raymon, worn out, slept peacefully after his brief encounter with Sir Ralph, who had come to his home to ask questions. When he woke up, he felt a strong sense of relief; he thought the worst part of his situation was finally over. For a long time, he had known that there would come a moment when he would have to confront that woman's love and defend his freedom against the pressures of a deep emotional connection; so, he mentally prepared himself by dismissing such notions. He had finally reached and passed that tricky moment: he had said no, and he wouldn’t have to return there again, as everything had turned out well. Indiana hadn’t cried too much, hadn’t been overly pushy. She had been quite reasonable; she had understood right away and quickly and proudly made her choice.
Raymon was very well pleased with his providence; for he had one of his own, in whom he believed like a good son, and upon whom he relied to arrange everything to other people's detriment rather than his own. That providence had treated him so well thus far that he did not choose to doubt it. To anticipate the result of his wrong-doing and to be anxious concerning it would have been in his eyes a crime against the good Lord who watched over him.
Raymon was really happy with his fortune; he had someone of his own that he trusted like a good son and relied on to manipulate things to benefit himself at the expense of others. That fortune had been so good to him so far that he didn't want to question it. Worrying about the consequences of his actions and being anxious about them would have seemed to him a sin against the good Lord who was looking out for him.
He rose, still very much fatigued by the efforts of the imagination which the circumstances of that painful scene had compelled him to make. His mother returned; she had been to Madame de Carvajal to inquire as to Madame Delmare's health and frame of mind. The marchioness was not disturbed about her; she was, however, very much disgusted when Madame de Ramière shrewdly questioned her. But the only thing that impressed her in Madame Delmare's disappearance was the scandal that would result from it. She complained very bitterly of her niece, whom, only the day before, she had extolled to the skies; and Madame de Ramière understood that the unfortunate Indiana had, by this performance, alienated her kinswoman and lost the only natural prop that she still possessed.
He got up, still really tired from the mental effort that the painful situation had forced him to make. His mom came back; she had gone to Madame de Carvajal to check on Madame Delmare's health and state of mind. The marchioness wasn’t worried about her; however, she was quite annoyed when Madame de Ramière cleverly questioned her. But the only thing that bothered her about Madame Delmare’s disappearance was the scandal it would cause. She complained very bitterly about her niece, whom she had praised just the day before; and Madame de Ramière realized that the unfortunate Indiana had, through this incident, turned her family member against her and lost the only support she had left.
To one who could read in the depths of the marchioness's soul, this would have seemed no great loss; but Madame de Carvajal was esteemed virtuous beyond reproach, even by Madame de Ramière. Her youth had been enveloped in the mysteries of prudence, or lost in the whirlwind of revolutions.
To someone who could see into the depths of the marchioness's soul, this wouldn't have seemed like a significant loss; however, Madame de Carvajal was regarded as virtuous and beyond criticism, even by Madame de Ramière. Her youth had been wrapped in the mysteries of caution or swept away in the chaos of revolutions.
Raymon's mother wept over Indiana's lot and tried to excuse her; Madame de Carvajal tartly reminded her that she was not sufficiently disinterested in the matter to judge.
Raymon's mom cried over Indiana's situation and tried to defend her; Madame de Carvajal sharply reminded her that she wasn't objective enough to make a judgment.
"But what will become of the unhappy creature?" said Madame de Ramière. "If her husband maltreats her, who will protect her?"
"But what will happen to the unfortunate woman?" said Madame de Ramière. "If her husband mistreats her, who will look out for her?"
"That will be as God wills," replied the marchioness; "for my part, I'll have nothing more to do with her and I never wish to see her again."
"That will be as God wants," replied the marchioness; "as for me, I want nothing more to do with her and I never want to see her again."
Madame de Ramière, kind-hearted and anxious, determined to obtain news of Madame Delmare at any price. She bade her coachman drive to the end of the street on which she lived and sent a footman to question the concierge, instructing him to try to see Sir Ralph if he were in the house. She awaited in her carriage the result of this manœuvre, and Ralph himself soon joined her there.
Madame de Ramière, kind-hearted and worried, was set on getting news of Madame Delmare no matter what. She had her coachman drive to the end of the street where she lived and sent a footman to ask the concierge, telling him to try to see Sir Ralph if he was in the house. She waited in her carriage for the outcome of this plan, and soon Ralph himself joined her there.
The only person, perhaps, who judged Ralph accurately was Madame de Ramière; a few words sufficed to make each of them understand the other's sincere and unselfish interest in the matter. Ralph narrated what had passed during the morning; and, as he had nothing more than suspicions concerning the events of the night, he did not seek confirmation of them. But Madame de Ramière deemed it her duty to inform him of what she knew, imparting to him her desire to break off this ill-omened and impossible liaison. Ralph, who felt more at ease with her than with anybody else, allowed the profound emotion which her information caused him to appear on his face.
The only person who really understood Ralph was Madame de Ramière; just a few words were enough for them to grasp each other’s genuine and selfless interest in the situation. Ralph shared what had happened that morning, and since he only had suspicions about the events of the night, he didn’t look for confirmation. However, Madame de Ramière felt it was her responsibility to tell him what she knew, expressing her wish to end this ill-fated and impossible relationship. Ralph, who felt more comfortable with her than anyone else, couldn’t hide the intense emotion her news stirred in him.
"You say, madame," he murmured, repressing a sort of nervous shudder that ran through his veins, "that she passed the night in your house?"
"You say, ma'am," he whispered, trying to suppress a nervous shiver that ran through him, "that she spent the night at your place?"
"A solitary and sorrowful night, no doubt. Raymon, who certainly was not guilty of complicity, did not come home until six o'clock, and at seven he came up to me to ask me to go down and soothe the poor child's mind."
"A lonely and sad night, that’s for sure. Raymon, who definitely wasn't involved, didn’t get home until six o'clock, and at seven he came to me asking if I could go down and calm the poor child."
"She meant to leave her husband! she meant to destroy her good name!" rejoined Ralph, his eyes fixed on vacancy and a strange oppression at his heart. "Then she must love this man, who is so unworthy of her, very dearly!"
"She planned to leave her husband! She intended to ruin her good reputation!" Ralph replied, staring blankly into space with a heavy feeling in his chest. "So, she must really love this man, who is so undeserving of her!"
Ralph forgot that he was talking to Raymon's mother.
Ralph forgot he was talking to Raymon's mom.
"I have suspected this a long while," he continued; "why could I not have foretold the day on which she would consummate her ruin! I would have killed her first!"
"I've suspected this for a long time," he continued. "Why couldn't I have predicted the day she would bring about her own destruction! I would have killed her first!"
Such language in Ralph's mouth surprised Madame de Ramière beyond measure; she supposed that she was speaking to a calm, indulgent man, and she regretted that she had trusted to appearances.
Such words coming from Ralph shocked Madame de Ramière more than she could have imagined; she thought she was talking to a calm, easygoing man, and she regretted having relied on first impressions.
"Mon Dieu!" she said in dismay, "do you judge her without mercy? will you abandon her as her aunt has? Are you incapable of pity or forgiveness? Will she not have a single friend left after a fault which has already caused her such bitter suffering?"
"My God!" she said in dismay, "do you judge her without mercy? Will you abandon her like her aunt has? Are you incapable of pity or forgiveness? Will she not have a single friend left after a mistake that has already caused her such bitter suffering?"
"Have no fear of anything of the sort on my part, madame," Ralph replied; "I have known all for six months and I have said nothing. I surprised their first kiss and I did not hurl Monsieur de Ramière from his horse; I often intercepted their love messages in the woods and did not tear them in pieces with my whip. I met Monsieur de Ramière on the bridge he must cross to go to join her; it was night, we were alone and I am four times as strong as he; and yet I did not throw the man into the river; and when, after allowing him to escape, I discovered that he had eluded my vigilance and had stolen into her house, instead of bursting in the doors and throwing him out of the window, I quietly warned them of the husband's approach and saved the life of one in order to save the other's honor. You see, madame, that I am indulgent and merciful. This morning I had that man under my hand; I was well aware that he was the cause of all our misery, and, if I had not the right to accuse him without proofs, I certainly should have been justified in quarreling with him for his arrogant and mocking manner. But I bore with his insulting contempt because I knew that his death would kill Indiana; I allowed him to turn over and fall asleep again on the other side, while Indiana, insane and almost dead, was on the shore of the Seine, preparing to join his other victim. You see, madame, that I practise patience with those whom I hate and indulgence with those I love."
"Don't worry about anything like that from me, madam," Ralph replied. "I’ve known everything for six months and I didn’t say a word. I caught them sharing their first kiss, but I didn’t knock Monsieur de Ramière off his horse; I often found their love notes in the woods and didn’t destroy them with my whip. I ran into Monsieur de Ramière on the bridge he crosses to meet her; it was night, we were alone, and I’m four times stronger than he is; yet I didn’t throw him into the river. When I later found out he slipped past me and went into her house, instead of barging in and throwing him out the window, I quietly warned them that her husband was coming and saved one life to protect the honor of the other. You see, madam, I am patient and merciful. This morning, I had him right where I wanted him; I knew he was the source of all our suffering, and even if I didn’t have the proof to accuse him, I definitely had a reason to confront him about his arrogant and mocking behavior. But I tolerated his insulting contempt because I realized that if he died, it would crush Indiana; I let him turn over and fall asleep again on the other side, while Indiana, heartbroken and nearly dead, was by the Seine, getting ready to follow his other victim. You see, madam, I show patience towards those I hate and understanding towards those I love."
Madame de Ramière, sitting in her carriage opposite Ralph, gazed at him in surprise mingled with alarm. He was so different from what she had always seen him that she almost believed that he had suddenly become deranged. The allusion he had just made to Noun's death confirmed her in that idea; for she knew absolutely nothing of that story and took the words that Ralph had let fall in his indignation for a fragment of thought unconnected with his subject. He was, in very truth, passing through one of those periods of intense excitement which occur at least once in the lives of the most placid men, and which border so closely on madness that one step farther would carry them across the line. His wrath was restrained and concentrated like that of all cold temperaments; but it was deep, like the wrath of all noble souls; and the novelty of this frame of mind, which was truly portentous in him, made him terrible to look upon.
Madame de Ramière, sitting in her carriage across from Ralph, looked at him with a mix of surprise and concern. He was so different from what she had always known that she almost thought he had suddenly lost his mind. The reference he had just made to Noun's death reinforced that idea for her; she had no knowledge of that story and interpreted Ralph's angry words as a random thought unrelated to what they were discussing. He was truly going through one of those intense emotional moments that happen at least once in the lives of even the calmest people, and which come so close to madness that a single misstep could push them over the edge. His anger was controlled and focused, typical of someone with a cool temperament; but it ran deep, like the anger of all noble souls. The unusual intensity of this mindset, which was genuinely alarming in him, made him look terrifying.
Madame de Ramière took his hand and said gently:
Madame de Ramière took his hand and said softly:
"You must suffer terribly, my dear Monsieur Ralph, for you wound me without mercy: you forget that the man of whom you speak is my son and that his wrong-doing, if he has been guilty of any, must be infinitely more painful to me than to you."
"You must be suffering greatly, my dear Monsieur Ralph, because you hurt me without mercy: you forget that the person you're talking about is my son and that his mistakes, if he has made any, must be far more painful for me than for you."
Ralph at once came to himself, and said, kissing Madame de Ramière's hand with an effusive warmth of regard, which was almost as unusual a manifestation on his part as that of his wrath:
Ralph quickly collected himself and said, kissing Madame de Ramière's hand with a warm affection that was almost as unusual for him as his anger had been.
"Forgive me, madame; you are right, I do suffer terribly, and I forget those things which I should respect. Pray, forget yourself the bitterness I have allowed to appear! my heart will not fail to lock itself up again."
"Please forgive me, ma'am; you're right, I'm in a lot of pain, and I often overlook what I should hold dear. I hope you can overlook the bitterness I've allowed to show! My heart will definitely close itself off again."
Madame de Ramière, although somewhat reassured by this reply, could not rid herself of all anxiety when she saw with what profound hatred Ralph regarded her son. She tried to excuse him in his enemy's eyes, but he checked her.
Madame de Ramière, while feeling a bit reassured by this response, couldn't shake off all her worries when she noticed the deep hatred Ralph had for her son. She attempted to justify him in his enemy's view, but he stopped her.
"I divine your thoughts, madame," he said; "but have no fear, Monsieur de Ramière and I are not likely to meet again at present. As for my cousin, do not regret having enlightened me. If the whole world abandons her, I swear that she will always have at least one friend."
"I can read your thoughts, ma'am," he said; "but don’t worry, Monsieur de Ramière and I probably won’t run into each other again anytime soon. As for my cousin, don’t feel bad about telling me the truth. Even if the whole world turns its back on her, I promise she will always have at least one friend."
When Madame de Ramière returned home, toward evening, she found Raymon luxuriously ensconced in front of the fire, warming his slippered feet and drinking tea to banish the last vestiges of the nervous excitement of the morning. He was still cast down by that artificial emotion; but pleasant thoughts of the future revivified his faculties; he felt that he had become free once more, and he abandoned himself unreservedly to blissful meditations upon that priceless condition, which he had hitherto been so unsuccessful in maintaining.
When Madame de Ramière got home in the evening, she found Raymon comfortably settled in front of the fire, warming his slippered feet and drinking tea to shake off the last traces of the nervous excitement from the morning. He was still feeling down from that forced emotion, but happy thoughts about the future revived his spirits; he felt free once again and allowed himself to indulge in blissful daydreams about that precious state he had struggled so hard to maintain.
"Why am I destined," he said to himself, "to weary so quickly of this priceless freedom of the heart which I always have to buy so dearly? When I feel that I am caught in a woman's net, I cannot break it quickly enough, in order to recover my repose and mental tranquillity. May I be cursed if I sacrifice them in such a hurry again! The trouble these two creoles have caused me will serve as a warning, and hereafter I do not propose to meddle with any but easy-going, laughing Parisian women—genuine women of the world. Perhaps I should do well to marry and have done with it, as they say——"
"Why am I destined," he thought, "to get tired so quickly of this priceless freedom of the heart that I always have to pay so much for? When I feel trapped in a woman's snare, I can't break free fast enough to regain my peace and mental calm. I swear I won't sacrifice them in such a hurry again! The trouble these two Creole women have caused me will serve as a warning, and from now on, I only want to deal with easy-going, happy-go-lucky Parisian women—real women of the world. Maybe I should just get married and be done with it, as they say—"
He was absorbed by such comforting, commonplace thoughts as these, when his mother entered, tired and deeply moved.
He was lost in comforting, ordinary thoughts like these when his mother walked in, exhausted and very emotional.
"She is better," she said; "everything has gone off as well as possible; I hope that she will grow calmer and——"
"She's doing better," she said; "everything has gone as well as it could; I hope she will become calmer and——"
"Who?" inquired Raymon, waking with a start among his castles in Spain.
"Who?" Raymon asked, waking up suddenly from his daydreams.
However, he concluded on the following day that he still had a duty to perform, namely, to regain that woman's esteem, if not her love. He did not choose that she should boast of having left him; he proposed that she should be persuaded that she had yielded to the influence of his good sense and his generosity. He desired to govern her even after he had spurned her; and he wrote to her as follows:
However, he concluded the next day that he still had a duty to fulfill, which was to regain that woman's respect, if not her love. He didn't want her to brag about having left him; he intended for her to believe that she had given in to his good judgment and kindness. He wanted to influence her even after he had rejected her, so he wrote to her as follows:
"I do not write to ask your pardon, my dear, for a few cruel or audacious words that escaped me in the delirium of my passion. In the derangement of fever no man can form perfectly coherent ideas or express himself in a proper manner. It is not my fault that I am not a god, that I cannot control in your presence the turbulent ardor of my blood, that my brain whirls, that I go mad. Perhaps I may have a right to complain of the merciless sang-froid with which you condemned me to frightful torture and never took pity on me; but that was not your fault. You are too perfect to play the same rôle in this world that we common mortals play, subject as we are to human passions, slaves of our less-refined organization. As I have often told you, Indiana, you are not a woman, and, when I think of you tranquilly and without excitement, you are an angel. I adore you in my heart as a divinity. But alas! in your presence the old Adam has often reasserted his rights. Often, under the perfumed breath from your lips, a scorching flame has consumed mine; often when, as I leaned toward you, my hair has brushed against yours, a thrill of indescribable bliss has run through my veins, and thereupon I have forgotten that you were an emanation from Heaven, a dream of everlasting felicity, an angel sent from God's bosom to guide my steps in this life and to describe to me the joys of another existence. Why, O chaste spirit, did you assume the alluring form of a woman? Why, O angel of light, did you clothe yourself in the seductions of hell? Often have I thought that I held happiness in my arms, and it was only virtue.
"I don't write to ask for your forgiveness, my dear, for a few harsh or bold words that slipped out in the rush of my emotions. When caught up in fever, no one can think clearly or express themselves properly. It’s not my fault that I’m not a god, that I can’t control the overwhelming passion I feel when I’m with you, that my mind races, and that I feel deranged. Maybe I have a right to complain about the relentless calm with which you condemned me to unbearable agony and never showed me mercy; but that wasn’t your fault. You are too perfect to play the same role in this world as we ordinary people do, burdened by human feelings, enslaved by our less-refined nature. As I’ve often told you, Indiana, you are not merely a woman, and when I think of you calmly and without excitement, you are an angel. I adore you in my heart as a divine being. But alas! in your presence, the old instincts often take over. Often, under the sweet scent of your breath, a fiery passion has consumed me; often, when I leaned closer to you and my hair brushed against yours, a wave of indescribable joy has surged through my veins, and in those moments, I forgot that you were a piece of heaven, a dream of eternal happiness, an angel sent from God’s side to guide me in this life and to reveal to me the joys of another existence. Why, O pure spirit, did you take on the tempting form of a woman? Why, O angel of light, did you dress yourself in the allure of hell? I have often thought that I was holding happiness in my arms, and it turned out to be only virtue."
"Forgive me these reprehensible regrets, my love; I was not worthy of you, but perhaps we should both have been happier if you would have consented to stoop to my level. But my inferiority has constantly caused you pain and you have imputed your own virtues to me as crimes.
"Forgive me for these terrible regrets, my love; I wasn't worthy of you, but maybe we both would have been happier if you had been willing to lower yourself to my level. But my shortcomings have always caused you pain, and you've seen your own qualities in me as faults."
"Now that you absolve me—as I am sure that you do, for perfection implies mercy—let me still raise my voice to thank you and bless you. Thank you, do I say? Ah! no, my life, that is not the word; for my heart is more torn than yours by the courage that snatches you from my arms. But I admire you; and, through my tears, I congratulate you. Yes, my Indiana, you have mustered strength to accomplish this heroic sacrifice. It tears out my heart and my life; it renders my future desolate, it ruins my existence. But I love you well enough to endure it without a complaint; for my honor is nothing, yours is all in all. I would sacrifice my honor to you a thousand times; but yours is dearer to me than all the joys you have given me. No, no! I could not have enjoyed such a sacrifice. In vain should I have tried to blunt my conscience by delirious transports; in vain would you have opened your arms to intoxicate me with celestial joys—remorse would have found me out; it would have poisoned every hour of my life, and I should have been more humiliated than you by the contempt of men. O God! to see you degraded and brought to shame by me! to see you deprived of the veneration which encompassed you! to see you insulted in my arms and to be unable to wipe out the insult! for, though I should have shed all my blood for you, it would not have availed you. I might have avenged you, perhaps, but could never have justified you. My zeal in your defence would have been an additional accusation against you; my death an unquestionable proof of your crime. Poor Indiana! I should have ruined you! Ah! how miserably unhappy I should be!
"Now that you forgive me—as I know you do, because perfection means mercy—let me still raise my voice to thank you and bless you. Thank you, you say? Ah! no, my love, that’s not the right word; my heart is more shattered than yours by the courage that pulls you from my arms. But I admire you; and, through my tears, I congratulate you. Yes, my Indiana, you have found the strength to make this incredible sacrifice. It tears out my heart and my life; it makes my future bleak, it ruins my existence. But I love you enough to bear it without complaint; for my honor is nothing, yours is everything. I would sacrifice my honor to you a thousand times; but yours means more to me than all the joy you've given me. No, no! I could never have enjoyed such a sacrifice. It would have been pointless to try to dull my conscience with thrilled rapture; it would have been pointless for you to open your arms to intoxicate me with heavenly joys—remorse would have found me; it would have poisoned every hour of my life, and I would have been more humiliated than you by the scorn of others. Oh God! to see you degraded and shamed because of me! to see you stripped of the respect that surrounded you! to see you insulted in my arms and not be able to erase the insult! Because, even if I shed all my blood for you, it wouldn’t have helped. I might have avenged you, maybe, but I could never have justified you. My fervor in your defense would have only served as more evidence against you; my death an undeniable proof of your wrongdoing. Poor Indiana! I would have ruined you! Ah! how miserably unhappy I would be!
"Go, therefore, my beloved; go and reap under another sky the fruits of virtue and religion. God will reward us for such an effort, for God is good. He will reunite us in a happier life, and perhaps—but the mere thought is a crime; and yet I cannot refrain from hoping! Adieu, Indiana, adieu! You see that our love is a sin! Alas! my heart is broken. Where could I find strength to say adieu to you!"
"Go now, my dear; go and enjoy the rewards of virtue and faith in a different place. God will bless us for this effort because God is good. He will bring us together in a happier life, and maybe—but just thinking about it feels wrong; still, I can't help but hope! Goodbye, Indiana, goodbye! You know our love is forbidden! Oh no! My heart is shattered. Where will I find the strength to say goodbye to you!"
Raymon himself carried this letter to Madame Delmare's; but she shut herself up in her room and refused to see him. So he left the house after handing the letter secretly to the servant and cordially embracing the husband. As he left the last step behind him, he felt much better-hearted than usual; the weather was finer, the women fairer, the shops more brilliant. It was a red-letter day in Raymon's life.
Raymon took the letter to Madame Delmare's himself, but she locked herself in her room and wouldn’t see him. So, he left the house after secretly giving the letter to the servant and warmly hugging her husband. As he stepped out, he felt much happier than usual; the weather was nicer, the women were more beautiful, and the shops were more vibrant. It was a memorable day in Raymon's life.
Madame Delmare placed the letter, with the seal unbroken, in a box which she did not propose to open until she reached her destination. She wished to go to take leave of her aunt, but Sir Ralph with downright obstinacy opposed her doing so. He had seen Madame de Carvajal; he knew that she would overwhelm Indiana with reproaches and scorn; he was indignant at this hypocritical severity, and could not endure the thought of Madame Delmare exposing herself to it.
Madame Delmare put the letter, with the seal unbroken, in a box that she planned to open only when she arrived at her destination. She wanted to say goodbye to her aunt, but Sir Ralph stubbornly refused to let her do it. He had seen Madame de Carvajal; he knew she would bombard Indiana with accusations and disdain; he was furious at this hypocritical strictness and couldn't bear the idea of Madame Delmare putting herself in that position.
On the following day, as Delmare and his wife were about entering the diligence, Sir Ralph said to them with his accustomed sang-froid:
On the next day, as Delmare and his wife were about to get into the carriage, Sir Ralph said to them with his usual sang-froid:
"I have often given you to understand, my friends, that it was my wish to accompany you; but you have refused to understand, or, at all events, to give me an answer. Will you allow me to go with you?"
"I've often made it clear, my friends, that I want to join you; but you’ve either ignored me or, at the very least, haven’t given me a response. Will you let me come with you?"
"To Bordeaux?" queried Monsieur Delmare.
"To Bordeaux?" asked Monsieur Delmare.
"To Bourbon," replied Sir Ralph.
"To Bourbon," Sir Ralph replied.
"You cannot think of it," rejoined Monsieur Delmare; "you cannot shift your establishment about from place to place at the caprice of a couple whose situation is precarious and whose future is uncertain. It would be abusing your friendship shamefully to accept the sacrifice of your whole life and of your position in society. You are rich and young and free; you ought to marry again, found a family—"
"You can't think like that," replied Monsieur Delmare. "You can’t just move your whole life around based on the whims of a couple whose situation is unstable and whose future is unpredictable. It would be a terrible misuse of your friendship to throw away your entire life and social standing. You're wealthy, young, and free; you should remarry and start a family—"
"That is not the question," said Sir Ralph, coldly. "As I have not the art of enveloping my ideas in words which change their meaning, I will tell you frankly what I think. It has seemed to me that in the last six months our friendship has fallen off perceptibly. Perhaps I have made mistakes which my dulness of perception has prevented me from detecting. If I am wrong, a word from you will suffice to set my mind at rest; allow me to go with you. If I have deserved severe treatment at your hands, it is time to tell me so; you ought not, by abandoning me thus, to leave me to suffer remorse for having failed to make reparation for my faults."
"That's not the issue," Sir Ralph said coldly. "Since I don’t have the skill to wrap my thoughts in words that change their meaning, I'll be honest about what I think. It seems to me that our friendship has noticeably declined over the last six months. Maybe I've made mistakes that my lack of awareness has kept me from seeing. If I'm mistaken, just a word from you will put my mind at ease; please let me come with you. If I've done something to deserve harsh treatment from you, it’s time to let me know; you shouldn’t leave me like this and make me suffer guilt for not being able to fix my mistakes."
The colonel was so touched by this artless and generous appeal that he forgot all the wounds to his self-esteem which had alienated him from his friend. He offered him his hand, swore that his friendship was more sincere than ever, and that he refused his offers only from delicacy.
The colonel was so moved by this genuine and heartfelt request that he forgot all the blows to his pride that had driven a wedge between him and his friend. He extended his hand, insisted that his friendship was more genuine than ever, and that he rejected his offers only out of consideration.
Madame Delmare held her peace. Ralph made an effort to obtain a word from her.
Madame Delmare stayed silent. Ralph tried to get a word out of her.
"And you, Indiana," he said in a stifled voice, "have you still a friendly feeling for me?"
"And you, Indiana," he said in a subdued voice, "do you still feel friendly toward me?"
That question reawoke all the filial affection, all the memories of childhood, of years of intimacy, which bound their hearts together. They threw themselves weeping into each other's arms, and Ralph nearly swooned; for strong emotions were constantly fermenting in that robust body, beneath that calm and reserved exterior. He sat down to avoid falling and remained for a few moments without speaking, pale as death; then he seized the colonel's hand in one of his and his wife's in the other.
That question brought back all the family love and childhood memories from their years of being close, which connected their hearts. They threw themselves into each other's arms, crying, and Ralph almost fainted; strong emotions were always boiling beneath his calm and reserved exterior. He sat down to keep from collapsing and remained silent for a few moments, looking pale as a ghost; then he took the colonel's hand in one hand and his wife's in the other.
"At this moment, when we are about to part, perhaps forever, be frank with me. You refuse my proposal to accompany you on my account and not on your own?"
"Right now, as we're about to say goodbye, maybe for good, please be honest with me. You're turning down my offer to go with you for my sake, not yours?"
"I give you my word of honor," said Delmare, "that in refusing you I sacrifice my happiness to yours."
"I promise you," said Delmare, "that by turning you down, I'm giving up my happiness for yours."
"For my part," said Indiana, "you know that I would like never to leave you."
"For my part," said Indiana, "you know I would never want to leave you."
"God forbid that I should doubt your sincerity at such a moment!" rejoined Ralph; "your word is enough for me; I am content with you both."
"God forbid I should doubt your sincerity at such a moment!" replied Ralph; "your word is enough for me; I'm satisfied with both of you."
And he disappeared.
And he vanished.
Six weeks later the brig Coraly sailed from the port of Bordeaux. Ralph had written to his friends that he would be in that city just prior to their sailing; but, as his custom was, in such a laconic style that it was impossible to determine whether he intended to bid them adieu for the last time or to accompany them. They waited in vain for him until the last moment, and when the captain gave the signal to weigh anchor he had not appeared. Gloomy presentiments added their bitterness to the dull pain that gnawed at Indiana's heart, when the last houses of the town vanished amid the trees on the shore. She shuddered at the thought that she was thenceforth alone in the world with the husband whom she hated! that she must live and die with him, without a friend to comfort her, without a kinsman to protect her against his brutal domination.
Six weeks later, the ship Coraly set sail from the port of Bordeaux. Ralph had told his friends he would be in the city right before they left, but as usual, he did it in such a brief way that it was unclear whether he was saying goodbye for the last time or if he planned to join them. They waited in vain for him until the very end, and when the captain signaled to weigh anchor, he still hadn’t shown up. Dark predictions added to the dull ache in Indiana's heart as the last buildings of the town disappeared among the trees along the shore. She shuddered at the thought that from then on, she was all alone in the world with the husband she despised! That she would have to live and die with him, without a friend to comfort her, without any family member to protect her from his cruel control.
But, as she turned, she saw on the deck behind her Ralph's placid and kindly face smiling into hers.
But as she turned, she saw Ralph's calm and friendly face behind her, smiling at her.
"So you have not abandoned me after all?" she said, as she threw her arms about his neck, her face bathed in tears.
"So you haven't abandoned me after all?" she said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her face drenched in tears.
"Never!" replied Ralph, straining her to his heart.
"Never!" Ralph replied, pulling her tightly to his chest.
XXIII
LETTER FROM MADAME DELMARE TO MONSIEUR DE RAMIÈRE
"Ile Bourbon, June 3d, 18—
"Ile Bourbon, June 3, 18—"
"I had determined to weary you no more with reminders of me; but, after reading on my arrival here the letter you sent me just before I left Paris, I feel that I owe you a reply because, in the agitation caused by horrible suffering, I went too far. I was mistaken with regard to you, and I owe you an apology, not as a lover but as a man.
"I decided not to bother you anymore with reminders of my existence; however, after reading the letter you sent me just before I left Paris, I feel like I owe you a response because, in the turmoil caused by my terrible pain, I went too far. I misjudged you, and I owe you an apology, not as a lover but as a man."
"Forgive me, Raymon, for in the most ghastly moment of my life I took you for a monster. A single word, a single glance from you banished all confidence and all hope from my heart forever. I know that I can never be happy again; but I still hope that I may not be driven to despise you; that would be the last blow.
"Forgive me, Raymon, for in the worst moment of my life, I mistook you for a monster. Just one word, one look from you erased all my confidence and hope forever. I know I can never be happy again; but I still hope I won't end up hating you; that would be the final blow."
"Yes, I took you for a dastard, for the worst of all human creatures, an egotist. I conceived a horror of you. I regretted that Bourbon was not so far away as I longed to fly from you, and indignation gave me strength to drain the cup to the dregs.
"Yes, I thought of you as a coward, the worst of all people, an egotist. I was horrified by you. I wished Bourbon was far enough away that I could escape from you, and my anger gave me the strength to endure it all."
"But since I have read your letter I feel better. I do not regret you, but I no longer hate you, and I do not wish to leave your life a prey to remorse for having ruined mine. Be happy, be free from care; forget me. I am still alive and I may live a long while.
"But now that I've read your letter, I feel better. I don’t regret you, but I don’t hate you anymore either, and I don’t want to leave your life filled with guilt for ruining mine. Be happy, be free from worry; forget me. I’m still here and I might live for a long time."
It is a fact that you are not to blame; I was the one who was mad. Your heart was not dry, but it was closed to me. You did not lie to me, but I deceived myself. You were neither perjured nor cold; you simply did not love me.
It’s a fact that you’re not to blame; I was the one who was crazy. Your heart wasn’t cold, but it was shut off from me. You didn’t lie to me, but I lied to myself. You were neither dishonest nor indifferent; you just didn’t love me.
"Oh! mon Dieu! you did not love me! In heaven's name how must you be loved? But I will not stoop to complaints; I am not writing to you for the purpose of poisoning with hateful memories the repose of your present life; nor do I propose to implore your compassion for sorrows which I am strong enough to bear alone. On the contrary, knowing better the rôle for which you are suited, I absolve you and forgive you.
"Oh! my God! you didn't love me! How could you possibly be loved? But I won’t lower myself to complain; I’m not writing to drag up bitter memories that disturb your peace now; nor do I plan to ask for your pity for sorrows that I can handle on my own. On the contrary, understanding better the role you fit into, I release you and forgive you."
"I will not amuse myself by refuting the charges in your letter; it would be too easy a matter; I will not reply to your observations with regard to my duties. Never fear, Raymon; I am familiar with them and I did not love you little enough to disregard them without due reflection. It is not necessary to tell me that the scorn of mankind would have been the reward of my downfall; I was well aware of it. I knew too that the stain would be deep, indelible and painful beyond words; that I should be spurned on all sides, cursed, covered with shame, and that I should not find a single friend to pity me and comfort me. The only mistake I had made was the feeling confident that you would open your arms to me, and that you would assist me to forget the scorn, the misery and the desertion of my friends. The only thing I had not anticipated was that you might refuse to accept my sacrifice after I had consummated it. I had imagined that that was impossible. I went to your house with the expectation that you would repel me at first from principle and a sense of duty, but firmly convinced that when you learned the inevitable consequences of what I had done, you would feel bound to assist me to endure them. No, upon my word I would never have believed that you would abandon me undefended to the consequences of such a dangerous resolution, and that you would leave me to gather its bitter fruits instead of taking me to your bosom and making a rampart of your love.
"I won’t waste my time arguing against the accusations in your letter; it would be too easy. I won’t address your comments about my responsibilities. Don’t worry, Raymon; I know them well, and I cared for you too much to ignore them without thinking it through. There’s no need to tell me that humanity’s disdain would be the result of my downfall; I was fully aware of that. I also knew the stain would be deep, permanent, and painfully beyond words; that I would be shunned by everyone, cursed, humiliated, and that I wouldn’t find a single friend to sympathize with me or offer comfort. My only mistake was believing that you would welcome me with open arms and help me forget the scorn, the misery, and the abandonment by my friends. The one thing I didn’t foresee was that you might reject my sacrifice after I had made it. I thought that was impossible. I went to your house expecting that you would push me away at first out of principle and duty, but I was convinced that once you understood the inevitable consequences of what I had done, you would feel compelled to help me face them. No, I honestly would never have thought you would leave me unprotected to deal with the fallout of such a risky decision, and that you would let me bear its bitter consequences instead of embracing me and shielding me with your love."
"In that case how gladly I would have defied the distant mutterings of a world that was powerless to injure me! how I would have defied hatred, being strong in your love! how feeble my remorse would have been, and how easily the passion you would have inspired would have stifled its voice! Engrossed by you alone, I would have forgotten myself; proud in the possession of your heart, I should have had no time to blush for my own. A word from you, a glance, a kiss would have sufficed to absolve me, and the memory of men and laws could have found no place in such a life. You see I was mad; according to your cynical expression I had acquired my knowledge of life from novels written for lady's-maids, from those gay, childish works of fiction in which the heart is interested in the success of wild enterprises and in impossible felicities. What you said, Raymon, was horribly true! The thing that terrifies and crushes me is that you are right.
"In that case, how gladly I would have ignored the distant whispers of a world that couldn't hurt me! How I would have defied hatred, feeling strong in your love! My remorse would have felt so weak, and the passion you would have inspired would have easily silenced it! Focused only on you, I would have lost myself; proud to have your heart, I wouldn't have had time to feel embarrassed about my own. A word from you, a glance, a kiss would have been enough to absolve me, and the memory of people and laws wouldn't have mattered in such a life. You see, I was crazy; according to your cynical words, I learned about life from novels written for maids, those light, childish stories where the heart cares about daring adventures and impossible happiness. What you said, Raymon, was painfully true! The thing that terrifies and crushes me is that you're right."
"One thing that I cannot understand so well is that the impossibility was not the same for both of us; that I, a weak woman, derived from the exaltation of my feelings sufficient strength to place myself alone in a romantic, improbable situation, and that you, a brave man, could not find in your will-power, sufficient courage to follow me. And yet you had shared my dreams of the future, you had assented to my illusions, you had nourished in me that hope impossible of realization. For a long while you had listened to my childish plans, my pygmy-like aspirations, with a smile on your lips and joy in your eyes, and your words were all love and gratitude. You too were blind, short-sighted, boastful. How did it happen that your reason did not return until the danger was in sight? Why, I thought that danger charmed the eyes, strengthened the resolution, put fear to flight; and yet you trembled like a leaf when the crisis came! Have you men no courage except the physical courage that defies death? are you not capable of the moral courage that welcomes misfortune? Do you, who explain everything so admirably, explain that to me, I beg.
"One thing I can’t quite get is that the impossibility wasn’t the same for both of us; I, a fragile woman, found enough strength from my heightened emotions to put myself in a romantic, unlikely situation on my own, while you, a brave man, couldn’t muster the willpower or courage to follow me. Yet you shared my dreams for the future, you went along with my illusions, and you nurtured in me that hope that could never come true. For a long time, you listened to my childish plans and small aspirations with a smile on your face and joy in your eyes, and your words were all about love and gratitude. You too were blind, shortsighted, and boastful. How did it happen that your reason only came back when the danger was near? I thought danger opened people’s eyes, strengthened their resolve, and chased away fear; yet you shook like a leaf when the crisis arrived! Do you men have no courage beyond the physical bravery that faces death? Are you not capable of the moral courage that accepts misfortune? Please, you who explain everything so well, explain that to me."
"It may be that your dream was not like mine; in my case, you see, courage was love. You had fancied that you loved me, and you had awakened, surprised to find that you had made such a mistake, on the day that I went forward trusting in the shelter of my mistake. Great God! what an extraordinary delusion it was of yours, since you did not then foresee all the obstacles that struck you when the time for action came! since you did not mention them to me until it was too late!
"It might be that your dream wasn't like mine; in my case, you see, courage was love. You thought you loved me, and you woke up, surprised to find you'd made such a mistake, on the day I stepped forward trusting in my mistake. Oh my God! What an amazing delusion you had, since you didn’t see all the challenges that hit you when it was time to act! Since you didn't tell me about them until it was too late!"
"But why should I reproach you now? Are we responsible for the impulses of our hearts? was it in your power to say that you would always love me? No, of course not. My misfortune consists in my inability to make myself agreeable to you longer and more really. I look about for the cause of it and find none in my heart; but it apparently exists, none the less. Perhaps I loved you too well, perhaps my affection was annoying and tiresome. You were a man, you loved liberty and pleasure. I was a burden to you. Sometimes I tried to put fetters on your life. Alas! those were very paltry offences to plead in justification of such a cruel desertion!
"But why should I blame you now? Are we really in control of what our hearts feel? Could you have promised that you would always love me? No, of course not. My misfortune lies in not being able to make myself enjoyable to you for longer and in a more genuine way. I search for the reason and find none in my heart; yet it clearly exists, regardless. Maybe I loved you too much, maybe my affection became annoying and burdensome. You were a man, you cherished freedom and enjoyment. I became a burden to you. Sometimes I tried to limit your life. Unfortunately, those were such minor faults to justify such a harsh abandonment!
"Enjoy, therefore, the liberty you have purchased at the expense of my whole life; I will interfere with it no more. Why did you not give me this lesson sooner? My wound would have been less deep, and yours also, perhaps.
"Enjoy the freedom you’ve gained at the cost of my entire life; I won’t disturb it again. Why didn’t you teach me this lesson earlier? My pain would have been less severe, and maybe yours would have been too."
"Be happy! that is the last wish my broken heart will ever form! Do not exhort me to think of God, leave that for the priests, who have to soften the hard hearts of the guilty. For my part, I have more faith than you; I do not serve the same God, but I serve Him more loyally and with a purer heart. Yours is the God of men, the king, the founder and the upholder of your race; mine is the God of the universe, the creator, the preserver and the hope of all creatures. Yours made everything for you alone; mine made all created things for one another. You deem yourselves the masters of the world; I deem you only its tyrants. You think that God protects you and authorizes you to possess the empire of the earth; I think that He permits that for a little time, and that the day will come when His breath will scatter you like grains of sand. No, Raymon, you do not know God; or rather let me repeat what Ralph said to you one day at Lagny: you believe in nothing. Your education and your craving for an irresistible power to oppose to the brute force of the people, have led you to adopt without scrutiny the beliefs of your fathers; but the conviction of God's existence has never reached your heart—I doubt if you have ever prayed to Him. For my part, I have but one belief, the only one probably that you have not: I believe in Him; but the religion you have devised I will have nothing to do with; all your morality, all your principles, are simply the interests of your social order which you have raised to the dignity of laws and which you claim to trace back to God himself, just as your priests instituted the rites and ceremonies of the church to establish their power over the nations and amass wealth. But it is all falsehood and impiety. I, who invoke God and understand Him, know that there is nothing in common between Him and you, and that by clinging to Him with all my strength I separate myself from you, whose constant aim it is to overthrow His works and sully His gifts. I tell you, it ill becomes you to invoke His name to crush the resistance of a poor, weak woman, to stifle the lamentations of a broken heart. God does not choose that the creations of His hands shall be oppressed and trodden under foot. If He vouchsafed to descend so far as to intervene in our paltry quarrels, He would crush the strong and raise the weak; He would pass His mighty hand over our uneven heads and level them like the surface of the sea; He would say to the slave: 'Cast off thy chains and fly to the mountains where I have placed water and flowers and sunshine for thee.' He would say to the kings: 'Throw your purple robes to the beggars to sit upon, and go to sleep in the valleys where I have spread for you carpets of moss and heather.' To the powerful He would say: 'Bend your knees and bear the burdens of your weaker brethren; for henceforth you will need them and I will give them strength and courage.' Yes, those are my dreams; they are all of another life, of another world, where the laws of the brutal will not have passed over the heads of the peaceably inclined; where resistance and flight will not be crimes; where man can escape man as the gazelle escapes the panther; where the chain of the law will not be stretched about him to force him to throw himself under his enemy's feet; and where the voice of prejudice will not be raised in his distress to insult his sufferings and to say to him: 'You shall be deemed cowardly and base because you did not bend the knee and crawl.'
"Be happy! That is the last wish my broken heart will ever make! Don’t urge me to think of God; leave that to the priests who need to soften the hard hearts of the guilty. As for me, I have more faith than you do; I don't worship the same God, but I serve Him more faithfully and with a purer heart. Yours is the God of men, the king, the creator, and the enforcer of your race; mine is the God of the universe, the creator, the sustainer, and the hope of all living beings. Yours made everything just for you; mine created all things for each other. You believe you are the masters of the world; I see you only as its tyrants. You think God protects you and gives you the right to own the earth; I believe He allows that for a short time, but a day will come when His breath will scatter you like grains of sand. No, Raymon, you don’t truly know God; or rather, let me repeat what Ralph said to you one day at Lagny: you believe in nothing. Your education and your desire for an undeniable power to counter the brutal force of the masses led you to accept without question the beliefs of your ancestors; but the conviction of God's existence has never truly reached your heart—I doubt you've ever prayed to Him. As for me, I have just one belief, probably the only one you don't have: I believe in Him; but I refuse to accept the religion you've created; all your morals and principles are merely the interests of your social order raised to the status of laws, which you claim trace back to God himself, just as your priests established the rites and ceremonies of the church to maintain their power over nations and accumulate wealth. But it's all falsehood and blasphemy. I, who call upon God and understand Him, know there’s nothing in common between Him and you, and that by holding onto Him with all my strength, I separate myself from you, whose constant aim is to undermine His works and tarnish His gifts. I tell you, it’s unbecoming of you to invoke His name to crush the resistance of a poor, weak woman, to silence the laments of a broken heart. God does not wish for His creations to be oppressed and trampled upon. If He were to intervene in our petty disagreements, He would crush the strong and uplift the weak; He would sweep His mighty hand over our uneven heads and level them like the surface of the sea; He would say to the enslaved: 'Cast off your chains and run to the mountains where I have provided water, flowers, and sunshine for you.' He would say to the kings: 'Give your royal robes to the beggars to sit on, and go rest in the valleys where I have laid out carpets of moss and heather for you.' To the powerful, He would say: 'Humble yourselves and bear the burdens of your weaker brothers; for from now on, you will need them, and I will give them strength and courage.' Yes, those are my dreams; they are all from another life, another world, where the laws of the brutal won’t overshadow the peaceable; where resistance and flight will not be seen as crimes; where humans can escape from one another just as the gazelle evades the panther; where the chains of law won’t bind him to force him to submit to his enemy; and where the voice of prejudice won't rise during his suffering to insult him and say: 'You will be seen as cowardly and base because you did not kneel and crawl.'"
"No, do not talk to me about God, you of all men, Raymon; do not invoke His name to send me into exile and reduce me to silence. In submitting as I do I yield to the power of men. If I listened to the voice which God has placed in the depths of my heart, and to the noble instinct of a bold and strong nature, which perhaps is the genuine conscience, I should fly to the desert, I should learn to do without help, protection and love: I should go and live for myself in the heart of our beautiful mountains: I should forget the tyrants, the unjust and the ungrateful. But alas! man cannot do without his fellowman, and even Ralph cannot live alone.
"No, don’t talk to me about God, of all people, Raymon; don’t use His name to send me away and silence me. By submitting like this, I’m giving in to the power of men. If I listened to the voice deep within my heart, and to the noble instinct of a bold and strong nature, which might be the true conscience, I would run off to the desert, I would learn to live without help, protection, and love: I would go and live for myself in the heart of our beautiful mountains: I would forget the tyrants, the unjust, and the ungrateful. But sadly, no one can live without others, and even Ralph can’t live alone."
"Adieu, Raymon! may you be happy without me! I forgive you for the harm you have done me. Talk of me sometimes to your mother, the best woman I have ever known. Understand that there is neither anger nor vengeance in my heart against you; my grief is worthy of the love I had for you.
"Goodbye, Raymon! I hope you find happiness without me! I forgive you for the pain you caused me. Please mention me to your mother sometimes, the best woman I’ve ever known. Know that I hold no anger or desire for revenge against you; my sorrow reflects the love I had for you."
"INDIANA."
"Indiana."
The unfortunate creature was over-boastful. This profound and calm sorrow was due simply to a sense of what her own dignity demanded when she addressed Raymon; but, when she was alone, she gave way freely to its consuming violence. Sometimes, however, a vague gleam of hope shone in her troubled eyes. Perhaps she never lost the last vestige of confidence in Raymon's love, despite the cruel lessons of experience, despite the distressing thoughts which placed before her mind every day his indifference and indolence when his interests or his pleasures were not concerned. It is my belief that, if Indiana could have persuaded herself to face the bald truth, she would not have dragged out her hopeless, ruined life so long.
The unfortunate creature was overly proud. This deep and calm sadness stemmed simply from her sense of dignity when speaking to Raymon; but when she was alone, she let herself feel its intense pain. Sometimes, though, a faint glimmer of hope appeared in her troubled eyes. Maybe she never truly lost her last bit of faith in Raymon's love, despite the harsh lessons life taught her and the upsetting thoughts that constantly reminded her of his indifference and laziness when his own interests or pleasures were not at stake. I believe that if Indiana could have forced herself to confront the stark reality, she wouldn’t have dragged out her hopeless, broken life for so long.
Woman is naturally foolish; it is as if Heaven, to counterbalance the eminent superiority over us men which she owes to her delicacy of perception, had implanted a blind vanity, an idiotic credulity in her heart. It may be that one need only be an adept in the art of bestowing praise and flattering the self-esteem, to obtain dominion over that subtle, supple and perspicacious being. Sometimes the men who are most incapable of obtaining any sort of ascendancy over other men, obtain an unbounded ascendancy over the minds of women. Flattery is the yoke that bends those ardent but frivolous heads so low. Woe to him who undertakes to be frank and outspoken in love! he will have Ralph's fate.
Woman is naturally naive; it's as if Heaven, to balance out the significant superiority she has over men due to her delicate perception, has instilled a blind vanity and foolish credulity in her heart. It seems that one only needs to be skilled at giving compliments and boosting her self-esteem to gain control over that subtle, adaptable, and insightful being. Occasionally, men who struggle to assert themselves over other men manage to gain an overwhelming influence over women's thoughts. Flattery is the chain that makes those passionate yet superficial heads bow down so low. Woe to the man who dares to be honest and straightforward in love! He will meet a tragic fate.
This is what I should reply if you should tell me that Indiana is an exceptional character, and that the ordinary woman displays neither her stoical coolness nor her exasperating patience in resistance to conjugal despotism. I should tell you to look at the reverse of the medal, and see the miserable weakness, the stupid blindness she displays in her relations with Raymon. I should ask you where you ever found a woman who was not as ready to deceive as to be deceived; who had not the art to confine for ten years in the depths of her heart the secret of a hope sacrificed so thoughtlessly in a day of frenzied excitement, and who would not become, in one man's arms, as pitiably weak as she could be strong and invincible in another man's.
This is how I would respond if you said that Indiana is an exceptional character, and that the average woman doesn’t show her calmness or her frustrating patience in the face of marital oppression. I would tell you to look at the other side of the coin and see the miserable weakness and foolish blindness she shows in her relationship with Raymon. I would ask you where you’ve ever found a woman who wasn’t just as willing to deceive as she was to be deceived; who couldn’t keep hidden for ten years the secret of a hope that was sacrificed so carelessly in a moment of wild excitement, and who wouldn’t become, in one man’s arms, as pitifully weak as she could be strong and unbeatable in another man’s.
XXIV
Madame Delmare's home had become more peaceable, however. With their false friends had disappeared many of the difficulties which, under the fostering hand of those officious meddlers, had been envenomed with all the warmth of their zeal. Sir Ralph, with his silence and his apparent non-interference, was more skilful than all of them in letting drop those airy trifles of intimate companionship which float about in the favoring breeze of pleasant gossip. But Indiana lived almost alone. Her house was in the mountains above the town, and Monsieur Delmare, who had a warehouse in the port, went down every morning for the whole day, to superintend his business with the Indies and with France. Sir Ralph, who had no other home than theirs, but who found ways to add to their comfort without their suspecting his gifts, devoted himself to the study of natural history or to superintending the plantation; Indiana, resuming the easy-going habits of creole life, passed the scorching hours of the day in her straw chair, and the long evenings in the solitude of the mountains.
Madame Delmare's home had become more peaceful, though. With their fake friends, many of the problems that had been intensified by those meddlesome individuals disappeared. Sir Ralph, with his silence and apparent non-interference, was more skilled than all of them at letting slip those light moments of close companionship that circulate in the pleasant breeze of friendly gossip. But Indiana lived mostly alone. Her house was in the mountains above the town, and Monsieur Delmare, who had a warehouse at the port, went down every morning for the entire day to oversee his business with the Indies and France. Sir Ralph, who had no other home but theirs, but found ways to contribute to their comfort without them realizing his gifts, dedicated himself to studying natural history or supervising the plantation; Indiana, returning to the laid-back habits of Creole life, spent the hot hours of the day in her straw chair and the long evenings in the solitude of the mountains.
Bourbon is in truth, simply a huge cone, the base of which is about forty leagues in circumference, while its gigantic mountain peaks rise to the height of ten thousand feet. From almost every part of that imposing mass, the eye can see in the distance, beyond the beetling rocks, beyond the narrow valleys and stately forests, the unbroken horizon surrounding the azure-hued sea like a girdle. From her window, Indiana could see between the twin peaks of a wooded mountain opposite that on which their house was built, the white sails on the Indian Ocean. During the silent hours of the day, that spectacle attracted her eyes and gave to her melancholy a fixed and uniform tinge of despair. That splendid sight made her musings bitter and gloomy, instead of casting its poetical influence upon them; and she would lower the curtain that hung at her window and shun the very daylight, in order to shed bitter, scalding tears in the secrecy of her heart.
Bourbon is actually just a massive cone, with a base that's about forty leagues around, and its towering mountain peaks reach up to ten thousand feet. From almost anywhere on that impressive structure, you can see in the distance, beyond the steep rocks, narrow valleys, and majestic forests, the endless horizon surrounding the blue sea like a belt. From her window, Indiana could see between the twin peaks of the wooded mountain across from the one where their house was located, the white sails on the Indian Ocean. During the quiet hours of the day, that view pulled her attention and gave her sadness a steady and uniform shade of despair. That beautiful sight turned her thoughts bitter and dark, rather than inspiring poetic feelings; and she would pull down the curtain at her window to avoid even the daylight, so she could cry bitter, scorching tears in private.
But when the land breeze began to blow, toward evening, and to bring to her nostrils the fragrance of the flowering rice-fields, she would go forth into the wilderness, leaving Delmare and Ralph on the veranda, to enjoy the aromatic infusion of the faham and to loiter over their cigars. She would climb to the top of some accessible peak, the extinct crater of a former volcano, and gaze at the setting sun as it kindled the red vapors of the atmosphere into flame and spread a sort of dust of gold and rubies over the murmuring stalks of the sugar cane and the glistening walls of the cliff. She rarely went down into the gorges of the St. Gilles River, because the sight of the sea, although it distressed her, fascinated her with its magnetic mirage. It seemed to her that beyond those waves and that distant haze the magic apparition of another land would burst upon her gaze. Sometimes the clouds on the shore assumed strange forms in her eyes: at one time she would see a white wave rise upon the ocean and describe a gigantic line which she took for the façade of the Louvre; again two square sails would emerge suddenly from the mist and recall to her mind the towers of Notre-Dame at Paris, when the Seine sends up a dense mist which surrounds their foundations and leaves them as if suspended in the sky; at other times there were patches of pink clouds which, in their changing shapes, imitated all the caprices of architecture in a great city. That woman's mind slumbered in the illusions of the past, and she would quiver with joy at sight of that magnificent Paris, whose realities were connected with the most unhappy period of her life. A curious sort of vertigo would take possession of her brain. Standing at a great height above the shore, and watching the gorges that separated her from the ocean recede before her eyes, it seemed as if she were flying swiftly through space toward the fascinating city of her imagination. Dreaming thus, she would cling to the rock against which she was leaning, and to one who had at such times seen her eager eyes, her bosom heaving with impatient longing and the horrifying expression of joy on her face, she would have seemed to manifest all the symptoms of madness. And yet those were her hours of pleasure, the only moments of well-being to which she looked forward hopefully during the day. If her husband had taken it into his head to forbid these solitary walks, I do not know what thought she would have lived upon; for in her everything centred in a certain faculty of inventing allusions, in an eager striving toward a point which was neither memory, nor anticipation, nor hope, nor regret, but longing in all its devouring intensity. Thus she lived for weeks and months beneath the tropical sky, recognizing, loving, caressing but one shade, cherishing but one chimera.
But when the land breeze started to blow in the evening, bringing the scent of the blooming rice fields to her, she would head out into the wilderness, leaving Delmare and Ralph on the veranda to enjoy the aromatic blend of the faham and to lounge with their cigars. She would climb to the top of an accessible peak, the extinct crater of a former volcano, and watch the sunset as it ignited the red vapors in the air into flames, spreading a kind of golden and ruby dust over the whispering stalks of sugar cane and the shiny cliff walls. She rarely ventured down into the gorges of the St. Gilles River because, although the sight of the sea distressed her, it also captivated her with its magnetic mirage. It felt to her like just beyond those waves and that distant haze, the magical vision of another land would appear. Sometimes the clouds along the shore took on strange shapes in her eyes: at one moment she'd see a white wave rise from the ocean and create a giant line that she imagined to be the façade of the Louvre; the next moment, two square sails would suddenly emerge from the mist, reminding her of the towers of Notre-Dame in Paris, surrounded by the dense fog that makes them look like they're floating in the sky; at other times, patches of pink clouds, in their shifting forms, mimicked all the quirks of architecture in a big city. That woman's mind lingered in the illusions of the past, and she would tremble with joy at the sight of that magnificent Paris, whose realities were tied to the most difficult time of her life. A strange kind of vertigo would take hold of her mind. Standing at a great height above the shore and watching the gorges that separated her from the ocean fade away before her eyes, it felt as if she were flying quickly through space toward the enchanting city of her imagination. Lost in this daydream, she would cling to the rock against which she leaned, and to someone who saw her eager eyes, her chest rising and falling with impatient longing, and the intense expression of joy on her face, she would have seemed to show all the signs of madness. Yet those were her moments of pleasure, the only times of well-being she looked forward to during the day. If her husband had forbidden these solitary walks, I don't know what thoughts she would have relied on; because for her, everything revolved around a certain ability to invent allusions, an eager striving toward a point that was neither memory, nor anticipation, nor hope, nor regret, but pure, consuming longing. So she lived for weeks and months beneath the tropical sky, recognizing, loving, and cherishing just one shade, holding onto just one illusion.
Ralph, for his part, was attracted to gloomy, secluded spots in his walks, where the wind from the sea could not reach him; for the sight of the ocean had become as antipathetic to him as the thought of crossing it again. France held only an accursed place in his heart's memory. There it was that he had been unhappy to the point of losing courage, accustomed as he was to unhappiness and patient with his misery. He strove with all his might to forget it; for, although he was intensely disgusted with life, he wished to live as long as he should feel that he was necessary. He was very careful therefore never to utter a word relating to the time he had passed in that country. What would he not have given to tear that ghastly memory from Madame Delmare's mind! But he had so little confidence of his ability, he felt that he was so awkward, so lacking in eloquence, that he avoided her instead of trying to divert her thoughts. In the excess of his delicate reserve, he continued to maintain the outward appearance of indifference and selfishness. He went off and suffered alone, and, to see him scouring woods and mountains in pursuit of birds and insects, one would have taken him for a naturalist sportsman engrossed by his innocent passion and utterly indifferent to the passions of the heart that were stirring in his neighborhood. And yet hunting and study were merely the pretext behind which he concealed his long and bitter reveries.
Ralph, for his part, was drawn to dark, hidden places during his walks, where the sea breeze couldn't touch him; the sight of the ocean had become as repelling to him as the idea of crossing it again. France was nothing but a cursed spot in his memories. That was where he had been so unhappy that he almost lost his courage, even though he was used to unhappiness and endured his misery with patience. He worked hard to forget it; even though he was deeply fed up with life, he wanted to live as long as he felt he was needed. He was very careful never to mention the time he spent in that country. What wouldn't he have given to erase that terrible memory from Madame Delmare's mind! But he had so little faith in himself, feeling clumsy and lacking in eloquence, that he avoided her instead of trying to change her thoughts. In his excessive sensitivity, he kept up an outward appearance of indifference and selfishness. He wandered off and suffered alone, and to anyone watching him searching through woods and mountains for birds and insects, he would have looked like a naturalist enthusiast completely absorbed in his innocent hobby, entirely unaware of the emotional turmoil happening around him. Yet, hunting and studying were just a cover for the long, painful daydreams he was hiding.
This conical island is split at the base on all sides and conceals in its embrasures deep gorges through which flow pure and turbulent streams. One of these gorges is called Bernica. It is a picturesque spot, a sort of deep and narrow valley, hidden between two perpendicular walls of rock, the surface of which is studded with clumps of saxatile shrubs and tufts of ferns.
This conical island has a split base on all sides and hides deep gorges where clear and rushing streams flow. One of these gorges is called Bernica. It's a beautiful place, like a deep and narrow valley tucked between two steep rock walls, the surfaces of which are dotted with clusters of rocky shrubs and patches of ferns.
A stream flows in the narrow trough formed by the meeting of the two sides. At the point where they meet it plunges down into frightful depths, and, where it falls, forms a basin surrounded by reeds and covered with a damp mist. Around its banks and along the edges of the tiny stream fed by the overflow of the basin grow bananas and oranges, whose dark and healthy green clothe the inner walls of the gorge. Thither Ralph fled to avoid the heat and companionship. All his walks led to that favorite goal; the cool, monotonous plash of the waterfall lulled his melancholy to sleep. When his heart was torn by the secret agony so long concealed, so cruelly misunderstood, it was there that he expended in unknown tears, in silent lamentations, the useless energy of his heart and the concentrated activity of his youth.
A stream flows through the narrow channel created by the two sides coming together. At the point where they meet, it drops into terrifying depths, creating a pool surrounded by reeds and enveloped in a damp mist. Along the banks and edges of the small stream that gets its water from the overflow of the pool, bananas and oranges grow, their dark, vibrant green covering the inner walls of the gorge. Ralph ran there to escape the heat and company. All his walks ended at that beloved spot; the cool, rhythmic sound of the waterfall eased his sadness. When his heart was weighed down by the hidden pain that had been kept secret for so long and cruelly misunderstood, it was there that he shed unknown tears and silently mourned, releasing the wasted energy of his heart and the restless spirit of his youth.
In order that you may understand Ralph's character, it will be well to tell you that at least half of his life had been passed in the depths of that ravine. Thither he had gone, in his early childhood, to steel his courage against the injustice with which he had been treated in his family. It was there that he had put forth all the energies of his soul to endure the destiny arbitrarily imposed upon him, and that he had acquired the habit of stoicism which he had carried to such a point that it had become a second nature to him. There too, in his youth, he had carried little Indiana on his shoulders; he had laid her on the grass by the stream while he fished in the clear water or tried to scale the cliff in search of birds' nests.
To understand Ralph's character, it's important to know that he spent at least half of his life in the depths of that ravine. He went there in his early childhood to toughen up against the unfair treatment he had faced in his family. It was where he put all his energy into enduring the fate that was forced upon him, developing a habit of stoicism that became second nature to him. There, in his youth, he also carried little Indiana on his shoulders; he would lay her on the grass by the stream while he fished in the clear water or tried to climb the cliff in search of birds' nests.
The only dwellers in that solitude were the gulls, petrels, coots and sea-swallows. Those birds were incessantly flying up and down, hovering overhead or circling about, having chosen the holes and clefts in those inaccessible walls to rear their wild broods. Toward night they would assemble in restless groups and fill the echoing gorge with their hoarse, savage cries. Ralph liked to follow their majestic flight, to listen to their melancholy voices. He taught his little pupil their names and their habits; he showed her the lovely Madagascar teal, with its orange breast and emerald back; he bade her admire the flight of the red-winged tropic-bird, which sometimes strays to those regions and flies in a few hours from Mauritius to Rodrigues, whither, after a journey of two hundred leagues, it returns to sleep under the veloutier in which its nest is hidden. The petrel, harbinger of the tempest, also spread its tapering wings over those cliffs; and the queen of the sea, the frigate-bird, with its forked tail, its slate-colored coat and its jagged beak, which lights so rarely that it would seem that the air is its country, and constant movement its nature, raised its cry of distress above all the rest. These wild inhabitants were apparently accustomed to seeing the two children playing about the dwellings, for they hardly condescended to take fright at their approach; and when Ralph reached the shelf on which they had installed their families, they would rise in black clouds and light, as if in derision, a few feet above him. Indiana would laugh at their evolutions, and would carry home, carefully, in her hat of rice-straw, the eggs Ralph had succeeded in stealing for her, and for which he had often to fight stoutly against powerful blows from the wings of the great amphibious creatures.
The only inhabitants of that solitude were the gulls, petrels, coots, and sea-swallows. These birds were constantly flying up and down, hovering overhead or circling around, having chosen the gaps and crevices in those hard-to-reach cliffs to raise their wild chicks. As night approached, they would gather in restless groups and fill the echoing gorge with their harsh, wild cries. Ralph enjoyed following their graceful flight and listening to their mournful calls. He taught his young pupil their names and behaviors; he showed her the beautiful Madagascar teal, with its orange chest and emerald back; he encouraged her to admire the flight of the red-winged tropic-bird, which sometimes wanders into those areas and flies from Mauritius to Rodrigues in just a few hours, returning after a journey of two hundred leagues to rest under the veloutier where its nest is hidden. The petrel, a sign of the storm, also spread its long wings over those cliffs; and the queen of the sea, the frigate-bird, with its forked tail, slate-colored feathers, and jagged beak, which lights so rarely that it seems the air is its home and constant movement is its nature, raised its cry of distress above all the others. These wild residents seemed used to seeing the two children playing around their homes, as they barely reacted to their presence; and when Ralph reached the ledge where they had set up their nests, they would rise in black clouds and fly, as if in mockery, a few feet above him. Indiana would laugh at their movements and carefully carry home, in her rice-straw hat, the eggs Ralph had managed to steal for her, for which he often had to fight hard against powerful strikes from the wings of the large amphibious creatures.
These memories rushed tumultuously to Ralph's mind, but they were extremely bitter to him; for times had changed greatly, and the little girl who had always been his companion had ceased to be his friend, or at all events was no longer his friend, as formerly, in absolute simpleness of heart. Although she returned his affection, his devotion, his regard, there was one thing which prevented any confidence between them, one memory upon which all the emotions of their lives turned as upon a pivot. Ralph felt that he could not refer to it; he had ventured to do it once, on a day of danger, and his bold act had availed nothing. To recur to it now would be nothing more than cold-blooded barbarity, and Ralph had made up his mind to forgive Raymon, the man for whom he had less esteem than for any man on earth, rather than add to Indiana's sorrow by condemning him according to his own ideas of what justice demanded.
These memories flooded Ralph's mind, but they were incredibly painful for him; times had changed a lot, and the little girl who had always been his companion was no longer his friend, or at least not in the same way she used to be, with the complete openness of heart. Even though she returned his feelings, his devotion, and his care, there was one thing that kept them from having any real trust between them, one memory that influenced all their emotions like a pivot. Ralph felt he couldn't bring it up; he had tried once, on a day of danger, and that risky move accomplished nothing. To bring it up now would be nothing short of cruel, and Ralph had decided to forgive Raymon, the man he respected less than anyone else in the world, rather than add to Indiana's pain by judging him based on what he believed justice required.
So he held his peace and even avoided her. Although living under the same roof, he had managed so that he hardly saw her except at meals; and yet he watched over her like a mysterious providence. He left the house only when the heat confined her to her hammock; but at night, when she had gone out, he would invent an excuse for leaving Delmare on the veranda and would go and wait for her at the foot of the cliffs where he knew she was in the habit of sitting. He would remain there whole hours, sometimes gazing at her through the branches upon which the moon cast its white light, but respecting the narrow space which separated them, and never venturing to shorten her sad reverie by an instant. When she came down into the valley she always found him on the edge of a little stream along which ran the path to the house. Several broad flat stones, around which the water rippled in silver threads, served him as a seat. When Indiana's white dress appeared on the bank, Ralph would rise silently, offer her his arm and take her back to the house without speaking to her, unless Indiana, being more discouraged and depressed than usual, herself opened the conversation. Then, when he had left her, he would go to his own room and wait until the whole house was asleep before going to bed. If he heard Delmare scolding, Ralph would grasp the first pretext that came to his mind to go to him, and would succeed in pacifying him or diverting his thoughts without ever allowing him to suspect that such was his purpose.
So he kept quiet and even avoided her. Although they lived under the same roof, he made sure he hardly saw her except during meals; yet he watched over her like a mysterious guardian. He left the house only when the heat forced her to stay in her hammock; but at night, after she went out, he would come up with an excuse to leave Delmare on the veranda and would go wait for her at the base of the cliffs where he knew she liked to sit. He would stay there for hours, sometimes watching her through the branches illuminated by the moonlight, but he respected the small distance between them and never interrupted her sad daydreams. When she came down into the valley, she would always find him by the edge of a little stream that led back to the house. Several broad flat stones, where the water flowed in silver streams, served as his seat. When Indiana's white dress appeared on the bank, Ralph would rise quietly, offer her his arm, and walk her back to the house without speaking to her, unless Indiana, feeling more down and depressed than usual, started the conversation. After leaving her, he would go to his own room and wait until the whole house was asleep before going to bed. If he heard Delmare yelling, Ralph would find the first excuse he could to go see him and would manage to calm him down or distract him without Delmare ever suspecting it was his true intent.
The construction of the house, which was transparent, so to speak, compared with the houses in our climate, and the consequent necessity of being always under the eyes of everybody else, compelled the colonel to put more restraint upon his temper. Ralph's inevitable appearance, at the slightest sound, to stand between him and his wife, forced him to keep a check upon himself; for Delmare had sufficient self-esteem to retain control of himself before that acute but stern censor. And so he waited until the hour for retiring had delivered him from his judge before venting the ill-humor which business vexations had heaped up during the day. But it was of no avail; the secret influence kept vigil with him, and, at the first harsh word, at the first loud tone that was audible through the thin partitions, the sound of moving furniture or of somebody walking about, as if by accident, in Ralph's room, seemed to impose silence on him and to warn him that the silent and patient solicitude of Indiana's protector was not asleep.
The house was basically transparent compared to others in our climate, and the need to always be in view of everyone else forced the colonel to keep his temper in check. Ralph would always appear at the slightest noise to stand between him and his wife, making it necessary for him to control himself; Delmare had enough self-respect to stay composed in front of that sharp but stern observer. So, he waited until bedtime when he was free from his judge before expressing the frustration that had built up from the day's business troubles. But it didn’t help; that hidden influence kept watch over him, and at the first harsh word or loud tone that slipped through the thin walls, the sound of moving furniture or someone casually walking in Ralph's room seemed to silence him and remind him that Indiana's protector was still alert.
PART FOURTH
XXV
Now it happened that the ministry of the 8th of August, which overturned so many things in France, dealt a serious blow at Raymon's security. Monsieur de Ramière was not one of those blindly vain mortals who triumph on a day of victory. He had made politics the mainspring of all his ideas, the basis of all his dreams of the future. He had flattered himself that the king, by adopting a policy of shrewd concessions, would maintain for a long time to come the equilibrium which assured the existence of the noble families. But the rise to power of the Prince de Polignac destroyed that hope. Raymon saw too far ahead, he was too well acquainted with the new society not to stand on his guard against momentary triumphs. He understood that his whole future trembled in the balance with that of the monarchy, and that his fortune, perhaps his life, hung by a thread.
Now, after the events of August 8th, which changed so much in France, Raymon's sense of security took a serious hit. Monsieur de Ramière wasn’t one of those blindly arrogant people who celebrate triumphs on a day of victory. He had made politics the core of all his ideas and the foundation of his future dreams. He had convinced himself that the king, by making clever concessions, would keep the balance that protected the noble families for a long time. But the rise of the Prince de Polignac shattered that hope. Raymon looked too far ahead; he understood society well enough to be cautious about fleeting victories. He realized that his entire future was tied to the monarchy, and that his fortune, maybe even his life, was hanging by a thread.
Thereupon he found himself in a delicate and embarrassing position. Honor made it his duty to devote himself, despite all the risks of such devotion, to the family whose interests had been thus far closely connected with his own. In that respect he could hardly disregard his conscience and the memory of his forefathers. But this new order of things, this tendency toward an absolute despotism, offended his prudence, his common-sense, and, so he said, his convictions. It compromised his whole existence, it did worse than that, it made him ridiculous, him, a renowned publicist who had ventured so many times to promise, in the name of the crown, justice for all and fidelity to the sworn compact. But now all the acts of the government gave a formal contradiction to the young eclectic politician's imprudent assertions; all the calm and slothful minds who, two days earlier, asked nothing better than to cling to the constitutional throne, began to throw themselves into the opposition and to denounce as rascality the efforts of Raymon and his fellows. The most courteous accused him of lack of foresight and incapacity. Raymon felt that it was humiliating to be considered a dupe after playing such a brilliant rôle in the game. He began secretly to curse and despise this royalty which thus degraded itself and involved him in its downfall; he would have liked to be able to cut loose from it without disgrace before the hour of battle. For some time he made incredible efforts to gain the confidence of both camps. The opposition ranks of that period were not squeamish concerning the admission of new recruits. They needed them, and the credentials they required were so trivial, that they enlisted considerable numbers. Nor did they disdain the support of great names, and day after day adroitly flattering allusions in their newspapers tended to detach the brightest gems from that worn-out crown. Raymon was not deceived by these demonstrations of esteem; but he did not reject them, for he was certain of their utility. On the other hand, the champions of the throne became more intolerant as their situation became more desperate. They drove from their ranks, without prudence and without regard for propriety, their strongest defenders. They soon began to manifest their dissatisfaction and distrust to Raymon. He, in his embarrassment, attached to his reputation as the principal ornament of his existence, was very opportunely taken down with an acute attack of rheumatism, which compelled him to abandon work of every sort for the moment and to go into the country with his mother.
Then he found himself in a tricky and awkward spot. Honor pushed him to dedicate himself, despite all the risks that came with it, to the family whose interests had been closely tied to his own. In that regard, he could hardly ignore his conscience and the legacy of his ancestors. But this new situation, this push toward complete despotism, clashed with his judgment, his common sense, and, as he would say, his beliefs. It jeopardized his entire existence; worse than that, it made him look foolish—him, a well-known publicist who had often promised on behalf of the crown justice for everyone and loyalty to the sworn agreement. Now all the government's actions openly contradicted the young eclectic politician's reckless claims; all the calm and indifferent folks who, just two days before, wanted nothing more than to support the constitutional throne, began to oppose it and to label the efforts of Raymon and his allies as deceitful. The most courteous among them accused him of being shortsighted and inept. Raymon found it humiliating to be viewed as a fool after playing such a prominent role in the situation. He started to secretly curse and despise this monarchy that was diminishing itself and pulling him down with it; he wished he could distance himself from it without shame before the battle began. For a while, he made incredible efforts to win the trust of both sides. The opposition at that time wasn’t picky about accepting new members. They needed them, and the credentials they required were so minimal that they attracted a lot of new recruits. They also welcomed support from prominent figures, and day by day, sly flattering references in their newspapers aimed to lure the brightest stars away from that tired crown. Raymon wasn’t fooled by these gestures of appreciation; however, he didn’t reject them because he knew they were useful. On the other hand, the supporters of the throne became more intolerant as their position worsened. They carelessly and without concern for propriety expelled their strongest defenders. Soon, they began to show their dissatisfaction and distrust toward Raymon. He, feeling the pressure and holding onto his reputation as the main source of his worth, was conveniently struck down by a severe attack of rheumatism, which forced him to take a break from everything and head to the countryside with his mother.
In his isolation Raymon really suffered to feel that he was like a corpse amid the devouring activity of a society on the brink of dissolution, to feel that he was prevented, by his embarrassment as to the color he should assume no less than by illness, from enlisting under the warlike banners that waved on all sides, summoning the most obscure and the least experienced to the great conflict. The intense pains of his malady, solitude, ennui and fever insensibly turned his ideas into another channel. He asked himself, for the first time, perhaps, if society had deserved all the pains he had taken to make himself agreeable to it, and he judged society justly when he saw that it was so indifferent with regard to him, so forgetful of his talents and his glory. Then he took comfort for having been its dupe by assuring himself that he had never sought anything but his personal gratification; and that he had found it there, thanks to himself. Nothing so confirms us in egotism as reflection. Raymon drew this conclusion from it: that man, in the social state, requires two sorts of happiness, happiness in public life and in private life, social triumphs and domestic joys.
In his isolation, Raymon really felt like he was a corpse amid the consuming activity of a society on the edge of collapse. He realized that his embarrassment about which role to play, as much as his illness, prevented him from joining the warlike banners that waved around him, calling even the most inexperienced to the great conflict. The intense pain from his sickness, combined with loneliness, boredom, and fever, slowly shifted his thoughts in a different direction. He asked himself, perhaps for the first time, if society really deserved all the effort he’d put into being likable, and he judged society fairly when he noticed how indifferent it was to him, how forgetful of his talents and achievements. He found some comfort in recognizing that he had only been fooling himself by assuring that he had pursued nothing but his own enjoyment, and that he had achieved it all on his own. Nothing strengthens our egotism like self-reflection. From this, Raymon concluded that a person in society needs two kinds of happiness: happiness in public life and in private life, social triumphs, and domestic joys.
His mother, who nursed him assiduously, fell dangerously ill; it was his turn to forget his own sufferings and to take care of her; but his strength was not sufficient. Ardent, passionate souls display miraculous stores of health in times of danger; but lukewarm, indolent souls do not arouse such supernatural outbursts of bodily strength. Although Raymon was a good son, as the phrase is understood in society, he succumbed physically under the weight of fatigue. Lying on his bed of pain, with no one at his pillow save hirelings and now and then a friend who was in haste to return to the excitements of social life, he began to think of Indiana, and he sincerely regretted her, for at that time she would have been most useful to him. He remembered the dutiful attentions she had lavished on her crabbed old husband and he imagined the gentle and beneficent care with which she would have encompassed her lover.
His mother, who took care of him tirelessly, fell seriously ill; it was his turn to put aside his own pain and look after her, but he didn’t have enough strength. Passionate people often have surprising reserves of energy in tough times, but the indifferent, lazy ones don’t have those bursts of strength. Even though Raymon was considered a good son, as society defines it, he physically broke down from exhaustion. Lying on his painful bed, with only hired help and occasionally a friend who was quick to rush back to the excitement of social life at his side, he started to think about Indiana and genuinely missed her, since she would have been so helpful to him at that moment. He recalled the devoted care she had shown to her difficult old husband and imagined the kind and tender attention she would have given her lover.
"If I had accepted her sacrifice," he thought, "she would be dishonored; but what would it matter to me now? Abandoned as I am by a frivolous, selfish world, I should not be alone; she whom everybody spurned with contumely would be at my feet, impelled by love; she would weep over my sufferings and would find a way to allay them. Why did I discard that woman? She loved me so dearly that she would have found consolation for the insults of her fellows by bringing a little happiness into my domestic life."
"If I had accepted her sacrifice," he thought, "she would be shamed; but what difference does that make to me now? Abandoned by this shallow, selfish world, I shouldn't be alone; the woman everyone looked down on would be at my feet, driven by love; she would cry over my pain and find a way to ease it. Why did I push her away? She cared for me so much that she would have brought some happiness into my life, helping her deal with the insults from others."
He determined to marry when he recovered, and he mentally reviewed the names and faces that had impressed him in the salons of the two divisions of society. Fascinating apparitions flitted through his dreams; head-dresses laden with flowers, snowy shoulders enveloped in swansdown capes, supple forms imprisoned in muslin or satin: such alluring phantoms fluttered their gauze wings before Raymon's heavy, burning eyes; but he had seen these peris only in the perfumed whirl of the ballroom. On waking, he asked himself whether their rosy lips knew any other smiles than those of coquetry; whether their white hands could dress the wounds of sorrow; whether their refined and brilliant wit could stoop to the painful task of consoling and diverting a horribly bored invalid. Raymon was a man of keen intelligence and he was more distrustful than other men of the coquetry of women; he had a more intense hatred of selfishness because he knew that from a selfish person he could obtain nothing to advance his own happiness. And then Raymon was no less embarrassed concerning the choice of a wife than concerning the choice of his political colors. The same reasons imposed moderation and prudence on him. He belonged to a family of high rank and unbending pride which would brook no mésalliance, and yet wealth could no longer be considered secure except in plebeian hands. According to all appearance that class was destined to rise over the ruins of the other, and in order to maintain oneself on the surface of the movement one must be the son-in-law of a manufacturer or a stock-broker. Raymon concluded therefore that it would be wise to wait and see which way the wind blew before entering upon a course of action which would decide his whole future.
He decided to get married once he recovered, and he mentally went over the names and faces that had caught his attention in the social circles of both divisions of society. Intriguing visions danced through his dreams; headpieces adorned with flowers, delicate shoulders wrapped in soft capes, graceful figures trapped in muslin or satin: these captivating phantoms fluttered their sheer wings before Raymon’s heavy, longing eyes; but he had only seen these enchanting women in the perfumed chaos of the ballroom. Upon waking, he questioned whether their rosy lips knew any smiles beyond flirtation; whether their delicate hands could heal the wounds of sadness; whether their sharp and witty minds could lower themselves to the painful task of comforting and entertaining a deeply bored invalid. Raymon was a man of sharp intellect, and he was more suspicious than others of women’s flirtation; he held a stronger disdain for selfishness because he understood that he could gain nothing for his own happiness from a selfish person. Additionally, Raymon felt just as unsure about choosing a wife as he did about choosing his political views. The same reasons called for moderation and caution. He came from a family of high status and rigid pride that would not accept any social mismatches, yet wealth could no longer be relied upon unless it was in the hands of commoners. It seemed that this class was destined to rise from the ruins of the others, and to stay afloat in this shift, one would need to marry the daughter of a manufacturer or a stockbroker. Therefore, Raymon concluded that it would be wise to wait and see which way things would go before committing to a course of action that would shape his entire future.
These positive reflections made plain to him the utter lack of affection which characterizes marriages of convenience, so-called, and the hope of having some day a companion worthy of his love entered only incidentally into his prospects of happiness. Meanwhile his illness might be prolonged, and the hope of better days to come does not efface the keen consciousness of present pains. He recurred to the unpleasant thought of his blindness on the day he had declined to kidnap Madame Delmare, and he cursed himself for having comprehended so imperfectly his real interests.
These positive thoughts clearly showed him the complete absence of love in so-called marriages of convenience, and the idea of one day having a partner deserving of his love was just a minor part of his happiness. In the meantime, his illness could drag on, and the hope for better days ahead didn’t take away from the sharp awareness of his current suffering. He thought back to the unsettling moment when he had turned down the chance to kidnap Madame Delmare, and he berated himself for not fully understanding his true interests.
At this juncture he received the letter Indiana wrote him from Ile Bourbon. The sombre and inflexible energy which she retained, amid shocks which might well have crushed her spirit, made a profound impression on Raymon.
At this point, he received the letter Indiana wrote to him from Ile Bourbon. The serious and unyielding strength she displayed, despite challenges that could have easily crushed her spirit, left a deep impression on Raymon.
"I judged her ill," he thought; "she really loved me, she still loves me; for my sake she would have been capable of those heroic efforts which I considered to be beyond a woman's strength; and now I probably need say but a word to draw her, like an irresistible magnet, from one end of the world to the other. If six months, eight months, perhaps, were not necessary to obtain that result, I would like to make the trial!"
"I misjudged her," he thought. "She really loved me; she still loves me. For my sake, she would have been capable of those heroic efforts that I thought were beyond what a woman could do. Now, I probably just need to say a word to pull her, like an irresistible magnet, from one end of the world to the other. If it didn't take six months, or maybe eight, to achieve that, I would definitely want to try!"
He fell asleep meditating that idea: but he was soon awakened by a great commotion in the next room. He rose with difficulty, put on a dressing-gown, and dragged himself to his mother's apartment. She was very ill.
He fell asleep thinking about that idea, but he was quickly woken up by a lot of noise in the next room. He got up with some effort, put on a robe, and made his way to his mother's room. She was very sick.
Toward morning she found strength to talk with him; she was under no illusion as to the brief time she had yet to live and her mind was busy with her son's future.
Toward morning, she found the strength to talk to him; she knew very well how little time she had left, and her mind was focused on her son's future.
"You are about to lose your best friend," she said; "may Heaven replace her by a companion worthy of you! But be prudent, Raymon, and do not risk the repose of your whole life for a mere chimera of your ambition. I have known but one woman, alas! whom I should have cared to call my daughter; but Heaven has disposed of her. But listen, my son. Monsieur Delmare is old and broken; who knows if that long voyage did not exhaust the rest of his vitality? Respect his wife as long as he lives; but if, as I believe will be the case, he is summoned soon to follow me to the grave, remember there is still one woman in the world who loves you almost as dearly as your mother loved you."
"You are about to lose your best friend," she said. "May Heaven send you a companion who truly deserves you! But be careful, Raymon, and don’t risk your entire future for just an illusion of your ambition. I have only known one woman, sadly, whom I would have wanted to call my daughter; but Heaven has taken her away. But listen, my son. Monsieur Delmare is old and frail; who knows if that long journey didn’t take the last of his strength? Honor his wife as long as he is alive; but if, as I suspect will happen, he is called to join me in the grave soon, remember there is still one woman in the world who loves you almost as much as your mother loved you."
That evening Madame de Ramière died in her son's arms. Raymon's grief was deep and bitter; in the face of such a loss there could be neither false emotion nor selfish scheming. His mother was really necessary to him; with her he lost all the moral comfort of his life. He shed despairing tears upon her pallid forehead, her lifeless eyes. He maligned Heaven, he cursed his destiny, he wept for Indiana. He called God to account for the happiness He owed him. He reproached Him for treating him like other men and tearing everything from him at once. Then he doubted the existence of this God who chastised him; he chose to deny Him rather than submit to His decrees. He lost all the illusions with all the realities of life; and he returned to his bed of fever and suffering, as crushed and hopeless as a deposed king, as a fallen angel.
That evening, Madame de Ramière died in her son's arms. Raymon's grief was intense and painful; there was no room for false emotions or selfish schemes in the face of such a loss. He genuinely needed his mother; without her, he lost all the moral comfort in his life. He wept hopelessly on her pale forehead, her lifeless eyes. He cursed Heaven, cursed his fate, and mourned for Indiana. He held God accountable for the happiness he believed he deserved. He blamed God for treating him like everyone else and ripping everything away from him at once. Then he started to doubt the existence of a God who punished him; he preferred to deny Him rather than accept His will. He lost all his illusions along with the realities of life and returned to his sickbed, as crushed and hopeless as a deposed king or a fallen angel.
When he was nearly restored to health, he cast a glance at the condition of France. Matters were going from bad to worse; on all sides there were threats of refusal to pay taxes. Raymon was amazed at the foolish confidence of his party, and deeming it wise not to plunge into the mêlée as yet, he shut himself up at Cercy with the melancholy memory of his mother and Madame Delmare.
When he was almost back to health, he looked at the state of France. Things were getting worse; everywhere there were threats to not pay taxes. Raymon was shocked by the misguided confidence of his group, and thinking it was smart not to jump into the chaos just yet, he locked himself away at Cercy with the sad memories of his mother and Madame Delmare.
By dint of pondering the idea to which he had attached little importance at its first conception, he accustomed himself to the thought that Indiana was not lost to him, if he chose to take the trouble to beckon her back. He detected many inconveniences in the scheme but many more advantages. It was not in accord with his interest to wait until she was a widow before marrying her, as Madame de Ramière had suggested. Delmare might live twenty years longer, and Raymon did not choose to renounce forever the chance of a brilliant marriage. He conceived a better plan than that in his cheerful and fertile imagination. He could, by taking a little trouble, exert an unbounded influence over his Indiana; he felt that he possessed sufficient mental cunning and knavery to make of that enthusiastic and sublime creature a devoted and submissive mistress. He could shield her from the ferocity of public opinion, conceal her behind the impenetrable wall of his private life, keep her as a precious treasure in the depths of his retreat, and employ her to sweeten his moments of solitude and meditation with the joys of a pure and generous affection. He would not have to exert himself overmuch to escape the husband's wrath; he would not come three thousand leagues in pursuit of his wife when his business interests made his presence absolutely necessary in the other hemisphere. Indiana would demand little in the way of pleasure and liberty after the bitter trials which had bent her neck to the yoke. She was ambitious only for love, and Raymon felt that he would love her from gratitude as soon as she made herself useful to him. He remembered also the constancy and gentleness she had shown during the long days of his coldness and neglect. He promised himself that he would cleverly retain his liberty, so that she would not dare to complain. He flattered himself that he could acquire sufficient control over her convictions to make her consent to anything, even to his marriage; and he based that hope upon numerous examples of secret liaisons which he had known to continue despite the laws of society, by virtue of the prudence and skill with which the parties had succeeded in avoiding the judgment of public opinion.
By thinking about an idea he initially dismissed, he got used to the thought that Indiana wasn’t out of reach if he made an effort to bring her back. He noticed several downsides to his plan but even more upsides. It wasn’t in his best interest to wait until she was a widow before marrying her, as Madame de Ramière suggested. Delmare could live for another twenty years, and Raymon didn’t want to give up the chance for a great marriage forever. He came up with a better plan in his optimistic and imaginative mind. With a little effort, he could have a huge influence over Indiana; he felt he was crafty enough to turn that passionate and noble woman into a devoted and submissive partner. He could protect her from harsh public judgment, hide her behind the impenetrable wall of his private life, keep her as a treasured secret in his retreat, and use her to brighten his moments of solitude and reflection with genuine and loving affection. He wouldn’t have to exert himself too much to avoid the husband's anger; he wouldn’t go three thousand leagues to chase after his wife when his business required him on the other side of the world. Indiana wouldn’t ask for much in terms of pleasure and freedom after the tough times that had made her submit. She only wanted love, and Raymon felt he would love her out of gratitude as soon as she became useful to him. He also remembered her loyalty and kindness during the long periods of his indifference and neglect. He promised himself that he would smartly keep his freedom so she wouldn’t dare to complain. He convinced himself he could gain enough control over her beliefs to make her agree to anything, even marriage; he based this hope on many examples of secret relationships he had seen continue despite society's rules, thanks to the caution and skill with which those involved had managed to avoid public scrutiny.
"Besides," he said to himself, "that woman will have made an irrevocable, boundless sacrifice for me. She will have travelled the world over for me and have left behind her all means of existence—all possibility of pardon. Society is stern and unforgiving only to paltry, commonplace faults. Uncommon audacity takes it by surprise, notorious misfortune disarms it; it will pity, perhaps admire this woman who will have done for me what no other woman would have dared to try. It will blame her, but it will not laugh at her, and I shall not be blamed for taking her in and protecting her after such a signal proof of her love. Perhaps, on the contrary, my courage will be extolled, at all events I shall have defenders, and my reputation will undergo a glorious and indecisive trial. Society likes to be defied sometimes; it does not accord its admiration to those who crawl along the beaten paths. In these days public opinion must be driven with a whip."
"Besides," he said to himself, "that woman will have made an unforgettable, immense sacrifice for me. She will have traveled the world for me and left behind all her means of survival—all chance for forgiveness. Society is harsh and unforgiving only towards trivial, everyday mistakes. Extraordinary boldness catches it off guard, well-known misfortune disarms it; it will feel pity, maybe even admiration for this woman who will have done for me what no other woman would have dared to attempt. It will criticize her, but it won’t mock her, and I won’t be judged for taking her in and protecting her after such a clear demonstration of her love. Maybe, on the contrary, my bravery will be praised; in any case, I will have supporters, and my reputation will face a glorious and uncertain challenge. Society sometimes enjoys being challenged; it does not give its admiration to those who stick to the usual paths. Nowadays, public opinion needs to be pushed forward."
Under the influence of these thoughts he wrote to Madame Delmare. His letter was what it was sure to be from the pen of so adroit and experienced a man. It breathed love, grief, and, above all, truth. Alas! what a slender reed the truth is, to bend thus with every breath!
Under the influence of these thoughts, he wrote to Madame Delmare. His letter was exactly what you would expect from someone as skilled and experienced as he was. It expressed love, sorrow, and, above all, honesty. Alas! how fragile honesty is, to sway like that with every breeze!
However, Raymon was wise enough not to express the object of his letter in so many words. He pretended to look upon Indiana's return as a joy of which he had no hope; but he had but little to say of her duty. He repeated his mother's last words; he described with much warmth the state of despair to which his loss had reduced him, the ennui of solitude and the danger of his position politically. He drew a dismal and terrifying picture of the revolution that was rising above the horizon, and, while feigning to rejoice that he was to meet its coming alone, he gave Indiana to understand that the moment had come for her to manifest that enthusiastic loyalty, that perilous devotion of which she had boasted so confidently. He cursed his destiny and said that virtue had cost him very dear, that his yoke was very heavy: that he had held happiness in his hand and had had the strength of will to doom himself to eternal solitude.
However, Raymon was smart enough not to spell out the reason for his letter. He pretended to see Indiana's return as a joy he didn't expect, but he had little to say about her duty. He repeated his mother's last words and described vividly the despair his loss had caused him, the boredom of being alone, and the risks of his political situation. He painted a grim and frightening picture of the revolution that was looming on the horizon, and while pretending to be happy about facing it alone, he hinted to Indiana that it was time for her to show that enthusiastic loyalty, that dangerous devotion she had proudly claimed. He cursed his fate and said that virtue had come at a high price, that his burden was very heavy: he had held happiness in his hand and had had the willpower to condemn himself to a life of solitude.
"Do not tell me again that you once loved me," he added; "I am so weak and discouraged that I curse my courage and hate my duties. Tell me that you are happy, that you have forgotten me, so that I may have strength not to come and tear you away from the bonds that keep you from me."
"Don't tell me again that you once loved me," he said. "I'm so weak and discouraged that I resent my own courage and loathe my responsibilities. Just tell me that you’re happy, that you’ve moved on, so I can find the strength not to come and pull you away from the ties that keep you from me."
In a word, he said that he was unhappy; that was equivalent to telling Indiana that he expected her.
In short, he said he was unhappy; that was basically telling Indiana that he wanted her.
XXVI
During the three months that elapsed between the despatch of this letter and its arrival at Ile Bourbon, Madame Delmare's situation had become almost intolerable, as the result of a domestic incident of the greatest importance to her. She had adopted the depressing habit of writing down every evening a narrative of the sorrowful thoughts of the day. This journal of her sufferings was addressed to Raymon, and, although she had no intention of sending it to him, she talked with him, sometimes passionately, sometimes bitterly, of the misery of her life and of the sentiments which she could not overcome. These papers fell into Delmare's hands, that is to say, he broke open the box which contained them as well as Raymon's letters, and devoured them with a jealous, frenzied eye. In the first outbreak of his wrath he lost the power to restrain himself and went outside, with fast-beating heart and clenched fists, to await her return from her walk. Perhaps, if she had been a few minutes later, the unhappy man would have had time to recover himself; but their evil star decreed that she should appear before him almost immediately. Thereupon, unable to utter a word, he seized her by the hair, threw her down and stamped on her forehead with his heel.
During the three months that passed between the sending of this letter and its arrival at Ile Bourbon, Madame Delmare's situation had become nearly unbearable due to a domestic incident of great importance to her. She developed the troubling habit of writing down every evening a record of the sorrowful thoughts of the day. This journal of her struggles was addressed to Raymon, and even though she had no plans to send it to him, she poured out her feelings to him, sometimes passionately, sometimes bitterly, discussing the misery of her life and the emotions she couldn’t shake. These papers ended up in Delmare's hands when he broke open the box containing them along with Raymon's letters, reading them with a jealous, frenzied gaze. In his initial explosion of rage, he lost the ability to control himself and went outside, heart racing and fists clenched, to wait for her return from her walk. Perhaps if she had been a few minutes later, he would have had time to compose himself; but fate had it that she showed up almost immediately. Unable to say a word, he grabbed her by the hair, threw her down, and stomped on her forehead with his heel.
He had no sooner made that bloody mark of his brutal nature upon a poor, weak creature, than he was horrified at what he had done. He fled in dire dismay, and locked himself in his room, where he cocked his pistol preparatory to blowing out his brains; but as he was about to pull the trigger he looked out on the veranda and saw that Indiana had risen and, with a calm, self-possessed air, was wiping away the blood that covered her face. As he thought that he had killed her, his first feeling was of joy when he saw her on her feet; then his wrath blazed up anew.
He had barely left that bloody mark of his brutal nature on a poor, weak creature when he was horrified by what he had done. He ran away in panic and locked himself in his room, where he pulled out his gun, preparing to take his own life. But just as he was about to pull the trigger, he looked out onto the porch and saw that Indiana had gotten up and, with a calm, composed demeanor, was wiping the blood off her face. At first, he felt a rush of joy thinking she was alive, but then his anger flared up again.
"It is only a scratch," he cried, "and you deserve a thousand deaths! No, I will not kill myself; for then you would go and rejoice over it in your lover's arms. I do not propose to assure the happiness of both of you; I propose to live to make you suffer, to see you die by inches of deathly ennui, to dishonor the infamous creature who has made a fool of me!"
"It’s just a scratch," he shouted, "and you deserve to die a thousand times! No, I won’t take my own life; because then you’d just celebrate it in your lover's arms. I refuse to guarantee the happiness of both of you; I plan to live and make you suffer, to watch you slowly die from boredom, to disgrace the terrible person who has humiliated me!"
He was battling with the tortures of jealous rage, when Ralph entered the veranda by another door and found Indiana in the dishevelled condition in which that horrible scene had left her. But she had not manifested the slightest alarm, she had not uttered a cry, she had not raised her hand to ask for mercy. Weary of life as she was, it seemed that she had been desirous to give Delmare time to commit murder by refraining from calling for help. It is certain that when the assault took place Ralph was within twenty yards, and that he had not heard the slightest sound.
He was struggling with the pain of jealous rage when Ralph walked onto the veranda through another door and found Indiana in the messy state that the terrible scene had left her in. But she didn’t show the slightest sign of fear, hadn’t cried out, and hadn’t raised her hand to plead for mercy. Exhausted by life as she was, it seemed she wanted to give Delmare a chance to kill her by not calling for help. It’s clear that when the attack happened, Ralph was only about twenty yards away, and he hadn’t heard a single sound.
"Indiana!" he cried, recoiling in horror and surprise; "who has wounded you thus?"
"Indiana!" he exclaimed, stepping back in shock and disbelief; "who has hurt you like this?"
"Do you ask?" she replied with a bitter smile; "what other than your friend has the right and the inclination?"
"Do you ask?" she responded with a bitter smile. "What other than your friend has the right and the desire?"
Ralph dropped the cane he held; he needed no other weapons than his great hands to strangle Delmare. He reached his door in two leaps and burst it open with his fist. But he found Delmare lying on the floor, with purple cheeks and swollen throat, struggling in the noiseless convulsions of apoplexy.
Ralph dropped the cane he was holding; he didn’t need any other weapons besides his strong hands to choke Delmare. He reached his door in two jumps and slammed it open with his fist. But he found Delmare lying on the floor, with purple cheeks and a swollen throat, fighting through the silent convulsions of a stroke.
He seized the papers that were scattered over the floor. When he recognized Raymon's handwriting and saw the ruins of the letter-box, he understood what had happened; and, carefully collecting the accusing documents, he hastened to hand them to Madame Delmare and urged her to burn them at once. Delmare had probably not taken time to read them all.
He picked up the papers that were all over the floor. When he recognized Raymon's handwriting and noticed the damaged letterbox, he realized what had happened; and, carefully gathering the incriminating documents, he quickly gave them to Madame Delmare and urged her to burn them immediately. Delmare probably hadn't taken the time to read them all.
Then he begged her to go to her room while he summoned the slaves to look after the colonel; but she would neither burn the papers nor hide the wound.
Then he pleaded with her to go to her room while he called the servants to take care of the colonel; but she refused to burn the papers or hide the wound.
"No," she said haughtily, "I will not do it! That man did not scruple to tell Madame de Carvajal of my flight long ago; he made haste to publish what he called my dishonor. I propose to show to everybody this token of his own dishonor which he has taken pains to stamp on my face. It is a strange sort of justice that requires one to keep secret another's crimes, when that other assumes the right to brand one without mercy!"
"No," she said arrogantly, "I won’t do it! That guy didn’t hesitate to tell Madame de Carvajal about my escape long ago; he rushed to spread what he called my disgrace. I plan to show everyone this mark of his own shame that he has taken such care to impose on me. It’s a weird kind of justice that demands one to keep quiet about someone else’s wrongdoings when that person feels entitled to shame you without mercy!"
When Ralph found the colonel was in a condition to listen to him, he heaped reproaches upon him with more energy and severity than one would have thought him capable of exhibiting. Thereupon Delmare, who certainly was not an evil-minded man, wept like a child over what he had done; but he wept without dignity, as a man can do when he abandons himself to the sensation of the moment, without reasoning as to its causes and effects. Prompt to jump to the opposite extreme, he would have called his wife and solicited her pardon; but Ralph objected and tried to make him understand that such a puerile reconciliation would impair the authority of one without wiping out the injury done to the other. He was well aware that there are injuries which are never forgiven and miseries which one can never forget.
When Ralph saw that the colonel was ready to listen to him, he unleashed a torrent of harsh criticisms that surprised even him with their intensity. Delmare, who was definitely not a bad person, broke down and cried like a child over his actions; however, his tears lacked dignity, as people often do when they fully indulge in their emotions without reflecting on the reasons behind them. Quickly swinging to the other extreme, he considered calling his wife to ask for her forgiveness; but Ralph intervened, trying to help him realize that such a childish reconciliation would undermine his authority without actually addressing the harm done to the other person. He knew well that some wounds are never healed and some sorrows can never be forgotten.
From that moment, the husband's personality became hateful in the wife's eyes. All that he did to atone for his treatment of her deprived him of the slight consideration he had retained thus far. He had in very truth made a tremendous mistake; the man who does not feel strong enough to be cold and implacable in his vengeance should abjure all thought of impatience or resentment. There is no possible rôle between that of the Christian who forgives and that of the man of the world who spurns. But Delmare had his share of selfishness too; he felt that he was growing old, that his wife's care was becoming more necessary to him every day. He was terribly afraid of solitude, and if, in the paroxysm of his wounded pride, he recurred to his habits as a soldier and maltreated her, reflection soon led him back to the characteristic weakness of old men, whom the thought of desertion terrifies. Too enfeebled by age and hardships to aspire to become a father, he had remained an old bachelor in his home, and had taken a wife as he would have taken a housekeeper. It was not from affection for her, therefore, that he forgave her for not loving him, but from regard for his own comfort: and if he grieved at his failure to command her affections, it was because he was afraid that he should be less carefully tended in his old age.
From that moment, the husband's personality became repulsive to the wife. Everything he did to make up for how he treated her only made her regard for him diminish further. He had truly made a huge mistake; a man who isn’t strong enough to be cold and relentless in his revenge should avoid feelings of impatience or resentment altogether. There’s no middle ground between the Christian who forgives and the worldly man who rejects. But Delmare was also selfish; he realized he was getting older and that his wife’s care was becoming more essential to him every day. He was terrified of being alone, and if he lashed out at her in a moment of wounded pride, he quickly found himself returning to the familiar weakness of old men, who are haunted by the fear of abandonment. Too weakened by age and struggles to hope for fatherhood, he had remained a lifelong bachelor at home, taking a wife as one would hire a housekeeper. It wasn’t out of love for her that he forgave her for not loving him, but rather for his own comfort: and if he felt sad about not having her affection, it was because he worried that he would receive less care in his old age.
When Madame Delmare, for her part, being deeply aggrieved by the operation of the laws of society, summoned all her strength of mind to hate and despise them, there was a wholly personal feeling at the bottom of her thoughts. But it may be that this craving for happiness which consumes us, this hatred of injustice, this thirst for liberty which ends only with life, are the constituent elements of egotism, a name by which the English designate love of self, considered as one of the privileges of mankind and not as a vice. It seems to me that the individual who is selected out of all the rest to suffer from the working of institutions that are advantageous to his fellowmen ought, if he has the least energy in his soul, to struggle against this arbitrary yoke. I also think that the greater and more noble his soul is, the more it should rankle and fester under the blows of injustice. If he has ever dreamed that happiness was to be the reward of virtue, into what ghastly doubts, what desperate perplexity must he be cast by the disappointments which experience brings!
When Madame Delmare felt deeply wronged by society's laws, she summoned all her mental strength to hate and scorn them, but there was a deeply personal feeling behind her thoughts. However, this desire for happiness that consumes us, this hatred for injustice, this thirst for freedom that lasts until death, could be the core elements of egotism, a term the English use to describe self-love as a human privilege rather than a flaw. I believe that a person chosen to bear the burden of institutions that benefit others should, if they have any energy in their soul, fight against this unjust oppression. I also think that the greater and nobler their soul, the more they should resent and suffer from the blows of injustice. If they have ever imagined that happiness would be the reward for virtue, what terrible doubts and desperate confusion must arise from the disappointments that experience brings!
Thus all Indiana's reflections, all her acts, all her sorrows were a part of this great and terrible struggle between nature and civilization. If the desert mountains of the island could have concealed her long, she would assuredly have taken refuge among them on the day of the assault upon her; but Bourbon was not of sufficient extent to afford her a secure hiding-place, and she determined to place the sea and uncertainty as to her place of refuge between her tyrant and herself. When she had formed this resolution, she felt more at ease and was almost gay and unconcerned at home. Delmare was so surprised and delighted that he indulged apart in this brutal reasoning: that it was a good thing to make women feel the law of the strongest now and then.
Thus all of Indiana's thoughts, all her actions, all her sorrows were part of this great and terrible struggle between nature and civilization. If the desert mountains of the island could have hidden her for long, she would definitely have sought refuge among them on the day she was attacked; but Bourbon wasn’t large enough to provide her a safe hiding place, and she decided to put the sea and uncertainty about her refuge between her oppressor and herself. Once she made this decision, she felt more at ease and was almost cheerful and carefree at home. Delmare was so surprised and pleased that he privately entertained the brutal idea that it was good to remind women of the law of the strongest now and then.
Thereafter she thought of nothing but flight, solitude and independence; she considered in her tortured, grief-stricken brain innumerable plans of a romantic establishment in the deserts of India or Africa. At night she followed the flight of the birds to their resting-place at Ile Rodrigue. That deserted island promised her all the pleasures of solitude, the first craving of a broken heart. But the same reasons that prevented her from flying to the interior of Bourbon caused her to abandon the idea of seeking refuge in the small islands near by. She often met at the house tradesmen from Madagascar, who had business relations with her husband; dull, vulgar, copper-colored fellows who had no tact or shrewdness except in forwarding their business interests. Their stories attracted Madame Delmare's attention, none the less; she enjoyed questioning them concerning the marvelous products of that island, and what they told her of the prodigies performed by nature there intensified more and more the desire that she felt to go and hide herself away there. The size of the island and the fact that Europeans occupied so small a portion of it led her to hope that she would never be discovered. She decided upon that place, therefore, and fed her idle mind upon dreams of a future which she proposed to create for herself, unassisted. She was already building her solitary cabin under the shade of a primeval forest, on the bank of a nameless river; she fancied herself taking refuge under the protection of those savage tribes whom the yoke of our laws and our prejudices has not debased. Ignorant creature that she was, she hoped to find there the virtues that are banished from our hemisphere, and to live in peace, unvexed by any social constitution; she imagined that she could avoid the dangers of isolation, escape the malignant diseases of the climate. A weak woman, who could not endure the anger of one man, but flattered herself that she could defy the hardships of uncivilized life!
After that, she thought only about escaping, being alone, and having freedom; in her tormented, grief-stricken mind, she came up with countless plans for a romantic life in the deserts of India or Africa. At night, she followed the birds to their resting place at Ile Rodrigue. That deserted island promised her all the joys of solitude, the first longing of a broken heart. But the same reasons that stopped her from going deeper into Bourbon made her give up on the idea of seeking refuge in the nearby small islands. She often encountered traders from Madagascar at her house, who had business ties with her husband; dull, crude, copper-colored men who had no finesse or cleverness except when it came to their business interests. Nonetheless, their stories caught Madame Delmare's interest; she enjoyed asking them about the amazing products of that island, and what they shared about the wonders of nature there only fueled her desire to go and hide away there even more. The island's size and the fact that Europeans occupied such a small part of it gave her hope that she would never be found. Thus, she settled on that place and entertained her idle mind with dreams of a future she planned to create for herself, on her own. She was already envisioning her solitary cabin under the shade of an ancient forest, by the bank of a nameless river; she imagined taking refuge among those wild tribes who had not been degraded by our laws and prejudices. Ignorant as she was, she hoped to find the virtues that are absent from our world and to live in peace, unbothered by any social system; she thought she could avoid the dangers of isolation and evade the terrible diseases of the climate. A fragile woman, unable to withstand the anger of one man, but she deluded herself into believing she could brave the challenges of uncivilized life!
Amid these romantic thoughts and extravagant plans she forgot her present ills; she made for herself a world apart, which consoled her for that in which she was compelled to live; she accustomed herself to think less of Raymon, who was soon to cease to be a part of her solitary and philosophical existence. She was so busily occupied in constructing for herself a future according to her fancy that she let the past rest a little; and already, as she felt that her heart was freer and braver, she imagined that she was reaping in advance the fruits of her solitary life. But Raymon's letter arrived, and that edifice of chimeras vanished like a breath. She felt, or fancied that she felt, that she loved him more than before. For my part, I like to think that she never loved him with all the strength of her soul. It seems to me that misplaced affection is as different from requited affection as an error from the truth. It seems to me that, although the excitement and ardor of our sentiments abuse us to the point of believing that that is love in all its power, we learn later, when we taste the delights of a true love, how entirely we deceived ourselves.
Amid these romantic thoughts and grand plans, she forgot about her current troubles; she created a world of her own that comforted her for the reality she had to live in. She trained herself to think less about Raymon, who was soon to be out of her lonely and reflective life. She was so focused on building a future that matched her dreams that she let the past fade for a while; and already, as she felt her heart becoming lighter and braver, she imagined she was reaping the rewards of her solitary existence in advance. But then Raymon's letter arrived, and that castle of dreams crumbled away in an instant. She realized, or thought she realized, that she loved him more than before. Personally, I like to think she never loved him with all her heart. It seems to me that misdirected love is as different from love returned as a mistake is from the truth. It seems that although the excitement and passion of our feelings can trick us into believing that’s love in its fullest form, we later learn, when we experience the joys of true love, just how much we deceived ourselves.
But Raymon's situation, as he described it, rekindled in Indiana's heart that generous flame which was a necessity of her nature. Fancying him alone and unhappy, she considered it her duty to forget the past and not to anticipate the future. A few hours earlier, she intended to leave her husband under the spur of hatred and resentment; now, she regretted that she did not esteem him so that she might make a real sacrifice for Raymon's sake. So great was her enthusiasm that she feared that she was doing too little for him in fleeing from an irascible master at the peril of her life, and subjecting herself to the miseries of a four months' voyage. She would have given her life, with the idea that it was too small a price to pay for a smile from Raymon. Women are made that way.
But Raymon's situation, as he described it, reignited in Indiana's heart that generous spirit that was essential to her nature. Imagining him alone and unhappy, she felt it was her duty to forget the past and stop worrying about the future. Just a few hours earlier, she planned to leave her husband out of hatred and resentment; now, she wished she held him in higher regard so that she could make a real sacrifice for Raymon's sake. Her enthusiasm was so intense that she worried she wasn't doing enough for him by escaping an irritable master at the risk of her own life and subjecting herself to the hardships of a four-month journey. She would have given her life, thinking it was too small a price to pay for a smile from Raymon. Women are just like that.
Thus it was simply a question of leaving the island. It was very difficult to elude Delmare's distrust and Ralph's clear-sightedness. But those were not the principal obstacles; it was necessary to avoid giving the notice of her proposed departure, which, according to law, every passenger is compelled to give through the newspapers.
Thus, it was just a matter of leaving the island. It was very difficult to escape Delmare's suspicion and Ralph's sharp insight. But those weren't the main challenges; it was crucial to avoid announcing her planned departure, which, by law, every passenger has to do through the newspapers.
Among the few vessels lying in the dangerous roadstead of Bourbon was the ship Eugène, soon to sail for Europe. For a long while Indiana sought an opportunity to speak with the captain without her husband's knowledge, but whenever she expressed a wish to walk down to the port, he ostentatiously placed her in Ralph's charge, and followed them with his own eyes with maddening persistence. However, by dint of picking up with the greatest care every scrap of information favorable to her plan, Indiana learned that the captain of the vessel bound for France had a kinswoman at the village of Saline in the interior of the island, and that he often returned from her house on foot, to sleep on board. From that moment she hardly left the cliff that served as her post of observation. To avert suspicion, she went thither by roundabout paths, and returned in the same way at night when she had failed to discover the person in whom she was interested on the road to the mountains.
Among the few ships anchored in the treacherous bay of Bourbon was the ship Eugène, set to sail for Europe soon. For a long time, Indiana tried to find a way to talk to the captain without her husband knowing, but whenever she showed a desire to walk down to the port, he would deliberately put her in Ralph's care and watch them closely with annoying persistence. However, by carefully gathering every bit of information that supported her plan, Indiana discovered that the captain of the ship heading to France had a relative living in the village of Saline inland from the island, and that he often walked back from her place to sleep on board. From that moment on, she hardly left the cliff that served as her lookout point. To avoid raising suspicion, she took indirect routes to get there and returned the same way at night if she didn’t spot the person she was interested in on the road to the mountains.
She had but two days of hope remaining, for the land-wind had already begun to blow. The anchorage threatened to become untenable, and Captain Random was impatient to be at sea.
She had only two days of hope left, because the land wind had already started to blow. The anchorage was about to become unmanageable, and Captain Random was eager to be out at sea.
However, she prayed earnestly to the God of the weak and oppressed, and went and stationed herself on the very road to Saline, disregarding the danger of being seen, and risking her last hope. She had not been waiting an hour when Captain Random came down the path. He was a genuine sailor, always rough-spoken and cynical, whether he was in good or bad humor; his expression froze Indiana's blood with terror. Nevertheless, she mustered all her courage and walked to meet him with a dignified and resolute air.
However, she prayed sincerely to the God of the vulnerable and downtrodden, and went to stand on the very road to Saline, ignoring the risk of being spotted and putting her last hope on the line. She had only been waiting an hour when Captain Random came down the path. He was a real sailor, always gruff and cynical, no matter if he was in a good mood or a bad one; his expression chilled Indiana's blood with fear. Still, she gathered all her courage and approached him with a calm and determined demeanor.
"Monsieur," she said, "I place my honor and my life in your hands. I wish to leave the colony and return to France. If, instead of granting me your protection, you betray the secret I confide to you, there is nothing left for me to do but throw myself into the sea."
"Mister," she said, "I trust you with my honor and my life. I want to leave the colony and go back to France. If you choose to betray the secret I’m sharing with you instead of protecting me, I will have no choice but to throw myself into the sea."
The captain replied with an oath that the sea would refuse to sink such a pretty lugger, and that, as she had come of her own accord and hove to under his lee, he would promise to tow her to the end of the world.
The captain swore that the sea wouldn't dare sink such a beautiful little ship, and since she had come on her own and settled beside him, he promised to tow her to the ends of the earth.
"You consent then, monsieur?" said Madame Delmare anxiously. "In that case here is the pay for my passage in advance."
"You agree then, sir?" Madame Delmare asked anxiously. "In that case, here is the payment for my ticket in advance."
And she handed him a casket containing the jewels Madame de Carvajal had given her long before; they were the only fortune that she still possessed. But the sailor had different ideas, and he returned the casket with words that brought the blood to her cheeks.
And she gave him a box with the jewels Madame de Carvajal had given her long ago; they were the only valuables she still had. But the sailor thought differently, and he returned the box with words that made her cheeks flush.
"I am very unfortunate, monsieur," she replied, restraining the tears of wrath that glistened behind her long lashes; "the proposition I am making to you justifies you in insulting me; and yet, if you knew how odious my life in this country is to me, you would have more pity than contempt for me."
"I am very unfortunate, sir," she replied, holding back the tears of anger that shone behind her long lashes; "the proposal I’m making to you gives you the right to insult me; and yet, if you understood how terrible my life in this country is for me, you would feel more pity than disdain for me."
Indiana's noble and touching countenance imposed respect on Captain Random. Those who do not wear out their natural delicacy by over-use sometimes find it healthy and unimpaired in an emergency. He recalled Colonel Delmare's unattractive features and the sensation that his attack on his wife had caused in the colonies. While ogling with a lustful eye that fragile, pretty creature, he was struck by her air of innocence and sincerity. He was especially moved when he noticed on her forehead a white mark which the deep flush on her face brought out in bold relief. He had had some business relations with Delmare which had left him ill-disposed toward him; he was so close-fisted and unyielding in business matters.
Indiana's noble and touching face commanded respect from Captain Random. Those who don’t exhaust their natural sensitivity by overuse often find it intact and strong in a crisis. He remembered Colonel Delmare's unappealing looks and the uproar his attack on his wife had caused in the colonies. While he was staring with a lustful gaze at that delicate, pretty woman, he was struck by her air of innocence and sincerity. He felt particularly moved when he noticed a white mark on her forehead that stood out against the deep flush on her cheeks. He had some business dealings with Delmare that had left him with a negative impression; Delmare was so tight-fisted and inflexible in business matters.
"Damnation!" he cried, "I have nothing but contempt for a man who is capable of kicking such a pretty woman in the face! Delmare's a pirate, and I am not sorry to play this trick on him; but be prudent, madame, and remember that I am compromising my good name. You must make your escape quietly when the moon has set, and fly like a poor petrel from the foot of some sombre reef."
“Damn it!” he shouted, “I have nothing but disdain for a man who can kick such a beautiful woman in the face! Delmare's a scoundrel, and I'm not sorry to pull this stunt on him; but be careful, madam, and remember that I’m putting my reputation on the line. You need to sneak away quietly once the moon has gone down, and flee like a little seabird from the shadow of a dark reef.”
"I know, monsieur," she replied, "that you cannot do me this very great favor without transgressing the law; you may perhaps have to pay a fine; that is why I offer you this casket, the contents of which are worth at least twice the price of a passage."
"I know, sir," she said, "that you can't do me this huge favor without breaking the law; you might even have to pay a fine. That's why I'm offering you this box, the value of which is at least double the price of a ticket."
The captain took the casket with a smile.
The captain picked up the casket with a grin.
"This is not the time to settle our account," he said; "I am willing to take charge of your little fortune. Under the circumstances I suppose you won't have very much luggage; on the night we are to sail, hide among the rocks at the Anse aux Lataniers; between one and two o'clock in the morning a boat will come ashore pulled by two stout rowers, and bring you aboard."
"This isn't the right time to settle our accounts," he said. "I'm ready to take care of your little fortune. Given the situation, I assume you won't have much luggage; on the night we're supposed to sail, hide among the rocks at the Anse aux Lataniers; between one and two in the morning, a boat will come ashore pulled by two strong rowers to take you on board."
XXVII
The day preceding her departure passed away like a dream. Indiana was afraid that it would be long and painful; it seemed to last but a moment. The silence of the neighborhood, the peaceful tranquillity within the house were in striking contrast to the internal agitation by which Madame Delmare was consumed. She locked herself into her room to prepare the few clothes she intended to carry; then she concealed them under her dress and carried them one by one to the rocks at the Anse aux Lataniers, where she placed them in a bark basket and buried them in the sand. The sea was rough and the wind increased from hour to hour. As a precautionary measure the Eugène had left the roadstead, and Madame Delmare could see in the distance her white sails bellied out by the breeze, as she stood on and off, making short tacks, in order to hold the land. Her heart went out eagerly toward the vessel, which seemed to be pawing the air impatiently, like a race-horse, full of fire and ardor, as the word is about to be given. But when she returned to the interior of the island she found in the mountain gorges a calm, soft atmosphere, bright sunlight, the song of birds and humming of insects, and everything going on as on the day before, heedless of the intense emotions by which she was tortured. Then she could not believe in the reality of her situation, and wondered if her approaching departure were not the illusion of a dream.
The day before her departure passed like a dream. Indiana was worried that it would be long and painful; it felt like it lasted only a moment. The neighborhood's silence and the peaceful calm inside the house were in stark contrast to the inner turmoil that consumed Madame Delmare. She locked herself in her room to pack the few clothes she planned to take; then she hid them under her dress and carried them one by one to the rocks at the Anse aux Lataniers, where she placed them in a basket and buried them in the sand. The sea was rough, and the wind picked up with each passing hour. As a precaution, the Eugène had left the harbor, and Madame Delmare could see in the distance its white sails catching the breeze as it sailed back and forth, making short tacks to stay close to land. Her heart longed for the ship, which seemed to be restless in the air like an eager racehorse just waiting for the signal to go. But when she returned to the island’s interior, she found a calm, soft atmosphere, bright sunlight, the songs of birds, and the buzzing of insects, with everything going on as it had the day before, completely unaware of the intense emotions torturing her. Then she could hardly believe her situation was real and wondered if her impending departure was just a dream.
Toward night the wind fell. The Eugène approached the shore, and at sunset Madame Delmare on her rocky perch heard the report of a cannon echoing among the cliffs. It was the signal of departure on the following day, on the return of the orb then sinking below the horizon.
Toward evening, the wind died down. The Eugène neared the shore, and at sunset, Madame Delmare, sitting on her rocky perch, heard the sound of a cannon echoing off the cliffs. It was the signal for departure the next day, as the sun sank below the horizon.
After dinner Monsieur Delmare complained of not feeling well. His wife thought that her opportunity had gone, that he would keep the whole house awake all night, and that her plan would be defeated; and then he was suffering, he needed her; that was not the moment to leave him. Thereupon remorse entered her soul and she wondered who would have pity on that old man when she had abandoned him. She shuddered at the thought that she was about to commit what was a crime in her own eyes, and that the voice of conscience would rise even louder than the voice of society, to condemn her. If Delmare, as usual, had harshly demanded her services, if he had displayed an imperious and capricious spirit in his sufferings, resistance would have seemed natural and lawful to the down-trodden slave; but, for the first time in his life, he submitted to the pain with gentleness, and seemed grateful and affectionate to his wife. At ten o'clock he declared that he felt entirely well, insisted that she should go to her own room, and that no one should pay any further attention to him. Ralph, too, assured her that every symptom of illness had disappeared and that a quiet night's sleep was the only remedy that he needed.
After dinner, Mr. Delmare said he wasn't feeling well. His wife thought her chance had slipped away, worried he would keep the whole house awake all night, and that her plan would fail; plus, he was in pain and needed her; it wasn't the right time to leave him. Guilt flooded her heart, and she wondered who would care for that old man once she left him. She felt a chill at the idea of committing what she believed was a crime, and that her conscience would be louder than society's judgment, condemning her. If Delmare, as usual, had harshly demanded her help or had been harsh and moody in his suffering, it would have seemed natural and justifiable for the oppressed servant to resist; but, for the first time in his life, he bore his pain with calmness, showing gratitude and affection to his wife. At ten o'clock, he said he felt completely fine, insisted she go to her own room, and that nobody should worry about him anymore. Ralph also assured her that all symptoms of illness had vanished and that a peaceful night's sleep was all he needed to recover.
When the clock struck eleven all was silent and peaceful in the house. Madame Delmare fell on her knees and prayed, weeping bitterly; for she was about to burden her heart with a grievous sin, and from God alone could come such forgiveness as she could hope to receive. She stole softly into her husband's room. He was sleeping soundly; his features were composed, his breathing regular. As she was about to withdraw, she noticed in the shadows another person asleep in a chair. It was Ralph, who had risen noiselessly and come to watch over her husband in his sleep, to guard against accident.
When the clock hit eleven, everything was quiet and calm in the house. Madame Delmare fell to her knees and prayed, crying hard; she was about to burden herself with a heavy sin, and only God could offer the forgiveness she hoped to receive. She quietly entered her husband's room. He was sleeping deeply; his face was relaxed, and his breathing was steady. Just as she was about to leave, she noticed someone else asleep in a chair in the shadows. It was Ralph, who had quietly gotten up to keep watch over her husband while he slept, to prevent any accidents.
"Poor Ralph!" thought Indiana; "what an eloquent and cruel reproach to me!"
"Poor Ralph!" thought Indiana; "what a powerful and painful accusation against me!"
She longed to wake him, to confess everything to him, to implore him to save her from herself; and then she thought of Raymon.
She wanted to wake him up, to tell him everything, to beg him to save her from herself; and then she thought of Raymon.
"One more sacrifice," she said to herself, "and the most cruel of all—the sacrifice of my duty."
"One more sacrifice," she said to herself, "and the most painful of all—the sacrifice of my responsibility."
Love is woman's virtue; it is for love that she glories in her sins, it is from love that she acquires the heroism to defy her remorse. The more dearly it costs her to commit the crime, the more she will have deserved at the hands of the man she loves. It is like the fanaticism that places the dagger in the hand of the religious enthusiast.
Love is a woman's strength; it’s for love that she takes pride in her mistakes, and it's from love that she gains the courage to face her guilt. The more it costs her to commit the wrongdoing, the more she believes she deserves from the man she loves. It’s similar to the passion that drives a fervent believer to pick up a dagger.
She took from her neck a gold chain which came to her from her mother and which she had always worn; she gently placed it around Ralph's neck, as the last pledge of an everlasting friendship, then lowered the lamp so that she could see her old husband's face once more, and make sure that he was no longer ill. He was dreaming at that moment and said in a faint, sad voice:
She took a gold chain from around her neck that had been passed down from her mother, something she had always worn. She softly placed it around Ralph's neck as a final symbol of their enduring friendship, then lowered the lamp to see her old husband's face one last time and make sure he was no longer sick. At that moment, he was dreaming and spoke in a faint, sad voice:
"Beware of that man, he will ruin you."
"Watch out for that guy; he'll destroy you."
Indiana shuddered from head to foot and fled to her room. She wrung her hands in pitiable uncertainty; then suddenly seized upon the thought that she was no longer acting in her own interest but in Raymon's; that she was going to him, not in search of happiness, but to make him happy, and that, even though she were to be accursed for all eternity, she would be sufficiently recompensed if she embellished her lover's life. She rushed from the house and walked swiftly to the Anse aux Lataniers, not daring to turn and look at what she left behind her.
Indiana shuddered from head to toe and ran to her room. She wrung her hands in distressing uncertainty; then suddenly realized she was no longer acting for herself but for Raymon. She was going to him, not in search of happiness, but to make him happy, and that even if she were cursed for all eternity, she would feel rewarded if she improved her lover's life. She rushed out of the house and walked quickly to the Anse aux Lataniers, not daring to look back at what she was leaving behind.
She at once set about disinterring her bark basket and sat upon it, trembling and silent, listening to the whistling of the wind, to the plashing of the waves as they died at her feet, and to the shrill groaning of the satanite among the great bunches of seaweed that clung to the steep sides of the cliffs; but all these noises were drowned by the throbbing of her heart, which rang in her ears like a funeral knell.
She immediately started digging out her bark basket and sat on it, trembling and quiet, listening to the whistling of the wind, the splashing of the waves as they faded at her feet, and the sharp groaning of the satanite among the thick bundles of seaweed sticking to the steep cliffs. But all these sounds were drowned out by the pounding of her heart, which echoed in her ears like a funeral bell.
She waited a long while; she looked at her watch and found that the appointed time had passed. The sea was so high, and navigation about the shores of the island is so difficult in the best of weather, that she was beginning, to despair of the courage of the men who were to take her aboard, when she spied on the gleaming waves the black shadow of a pirogue, trying to make the land. But the swell was so strong and the sea so rough that the frail craft constantly disappeared, burying itself as it were in the dark folds of a shroud studded with silver stars. She rose and answered their signal several times with cries which the wind whisked away before carrying them to the ears of the oarsmen. At last, when they were near enough to hear her, they pulled toward her with much difficulty; then paused to wait for a wave. As soon as they felt it raise the skiff they redoubled their efforts, and the wave broke and threw them up on the beach.
She waited for a long time; she looked at her watch and realized the scheduled time had passed. The sea was so high, and navigating around the island's shores is so challenging even in good weather, that she was beginning to lose hope in the courage of the men who were supposed to take her on board, when she spotted the dark shape of a pirogue on the sparkling waves, trying to reach the shore. But the swell was so strong and the sea so rough that the fragile boat kept vanishing, as if it were being swallowed by a dark mist sprinkled with silver stars. She stood up and signaled them several times with shouts that the wind swept away before reaching the oarsmen. Finally, when they were close enough to hear her, they struggled to paddle toward her; then they paused to wait for a wave. As soon as they felt it lift the boat, they renewed their efforts, and the wave crashed, pushing them up onto the beach.
The ground on which Saint-Paul is built is composed of sea sand and gravel from the mountains, which the Des Galets river brings from a long distance from its mouth by the strength of its current. These heaps of rounded pebbles form submarine mountains near the shore which the waves overthrow and rebuild at their pleasure. Their constant shifting makes it impossible to avoid them, and the skill of the pilot is useless among these constantly appearing and disappearing obstacles. Large vessels lying in the harbor of Saint-Denis often drag their anchors and are cast on shore by the force of the currents; they have no other resource when this off-shore wind begins to blow, and to make the turbulent receding waves perilous, than to put to sea as quickly as possible, and that is what the Eugène had done.
The ground that Saint-Paul is built on is made up of sea sand and gravel from the mountains, which the Des Galets river carries from far away due to its strong current. These piles of rounded pebbles create underwater mountains close to the shore, which the waves constantly shift and reshape. Their ongoing movement makes it impossible to avoid them, and a pilot’s expertise doesn’t help with these ever-changing obstacles. Large ships anchored in the harbor of Saint-Denis often drag their anchors and get pushed ashore by the strong currents; when the offshore wind starts blowing and the chaotic waves become dangerous, their only option is to head out to sea as fast as they can, which is exactly what the Eugène had done.
The skiff bore Indiana and her fortunes amid the wild waves, the howling of the storm and the oaths of the two rowers, who had no hesitation in cursing loudly the danger to which they exposed themselves for her sake. Two hours ago, they said, the ship should have been under way, and on her account the captain had obstinately refused to give the order. They added divers insulting and cruel reflections, but the unhappy fugitive consumed her shame in silence; and when one of them suggested to the other that they might be punished if they were lacking in the respect they had been ordered to pay the captain's mistress:
The small boat carried Indiana and her fate through the rough waves, the howling wind, and the curses of the two rowers, who openly swore about the danger they were putting themselves in for her. Just two hours ago, they said, the ship should have set sail, but the captain stubbornly refused to give the order because of her. They made various insulting and cruel comments, but the poor woman swallowed her shame in silence; and when one of them suggested to the other that they might get in trouble for not showing the proper respect they were meant to give the captain's mistress:
"Never you fear!" was the reply; "the sharks are the lads we've got to settle accounts with this night. If we ever see the captain again, I don't believe he'll be any uglier than them."
"Don’t worry!" was the reply; "the sharks are the guys we need to deal with tonight. If we ever see the captain again, I doubt he’ll be any scarier than them."
"Talking of sharks," said the first, "I don't know whether one of 'em has got scent of us already, but I can see a face in our wake that don't belong to a Christian."
"Speaking of sharks," said the first, "I don't know if one of them has caught our scent already, but I can see a face in our wake that doesn't belong to anyone good."
"You fool! to take a dog's face for a sea-wolf's! Hold! my four-legged passenger, we forgot you and left you on shore; but, blast my eyes, if you shall eat up the ship's biscuit! Our orders only mentioned a young woman, nothing was said about a cur——"
"You idiot! to confuse a dog's face with that of a sea-wolf! Wait, my four-legged friend, we forgot you and left you on the shore; but, I swear, you won't eat up the ship's biscuits! Our orders only mentioned a young woman; nothing was said about a mutt—"
As he spoke he raised his oar to hit the beast on the head; but Madame Delmare, casting her tearful, distraught eyes upon the sea, recognized her beautiful Ophelia, who had found her scent on the rocks and was swimming after her. As the sailor was about to strike her, the waves, against which she was struggling painfully, carried her away from the skiff, and her mistress heard her moaning with impatience and exhaustion. She begged the oarsmen to take her into the boat and they pretended to comply; but, as the faithful beast approached, they dashed out her brains with loud shouts of laughter, and Indiana saw before her the dead body of the creature who had loved her better than Raymon. At the same time a huge wave drew the skiff down as it were into the depths of an abyss, and the laughter of the sailors changed to imprecations and yells of terror. However, thanks to its buoyancy and lightness the pirogue righted itself like a duck and climbed to the summit of the wave, to plunge into another ravine and mount again to another foaming crest. As they left the shore behind, the sea became less rough, and soon the skiff flew along swiftly and without danger toward the ship. Thereupon, the oarsmen recovered their good humor and with it the power of reflection. They strove to atone for their brutal treatment of Indiana; but their cajolery was more insulting than their anger.
As he spoke, he raised his oar to hit the animal on the head; but Madame Delmare, with tearful, distressed eyes fixed on the sea, recognized her beloved Ophelia, who had picked up her scent from the rocks and was swimming after her. Just as the sailor was about to strike, the waves, against which Ophelia was struggling painfully, pulled her away from the skiff, and her mistress heard her moaning with impatience and exhaustion. She pleaded with the oarsmen to bring her into the boat, and they pretended to agree; but as the loyal animal got closer, they smashed her head in while laughing loudly, and Indiana saw before her the lifeless body of the creature that loved her more than Raymon did. At that moment, a massive wave pulled the skiff down into what felt like an abyss, and the sailors' laughter turned into curses and screams of terror. However, thanks to its buoyancy and lightness, the pirogue righted itself like a duck and climbed to the top of the wave, only to dive into another trough and rise again to yet another foaming peak. As they moved away from the shore, the sea became calmer, and soon the skiff sped along swiftly and safely toward the ship. Afterward, the oarsmen regained their good spirits and their ability to think clearly. They tried to make up for their cruel treatment of Indiana, but their flattery felt more insulting than their aggression.
"Come, come, my young lady," said one of them, "take courage, you're safe now; of course the captain will give us a glass of the best wine in the locker for the pretty parcel we've fished up for him."
"Come on, my young lady," one of them said, "stay strong, you're safe now; of course the captain will treat us to a glass of the finest wine from the locker for the lovely catch we've brought him."
The other affected to sympathize with the young lady because her clothes were wet; but, he said, the captain was waiting for her and would take good care of her. Indiana listened to their remarks in deadly terror, without speaking or moving; she realized the horror of her situation, and could see no other way of escaping the outrages which awaited her than to throw herself into the sea. Two or three times she was on the point of jumping out of the boat; but she recovered courage, a sublime courage, with the thought:
The others tried to sympathize with the young lady because her clothes were wet; however, he mentioned that the captain was waiting for her and would take good care of her. Indiana listened to their comments in complete terror, without speaking or moving; she understood the horror of her situation and could see no way to escape the abuses that awaited her other than to throw herself into the sea. A couple of times, she almost jumped out of the boat; but then she found the strength, a remarkable strength, with the thought:
"It is for him, Raymon, that I suffer all these indignities. I must live though I were crushed with shame!"
"It’s for him, Raymon, that I put up with all these humiliations. I have to live as if I’m completely overwhelmed with shame!"
She put her hand to her oppressed heart and touched the hilt of a dagger which she had concealed there in the morning, with a sort of instinctive prevision of danger. The possession of that weapon restored all her confidence; it was a short, pointed stiletto, which her father used to carry; an old Spanish weapon which had belonged to a Medina-Sidonia, whose name was cut on the blade, with the date 1300. Doubtless it had rusted in noble blood, had washed out more than one affront, punished more than one insolent knave. With it in her possession, Indiana felt that she became a Spaniard once more, and she went aboard the ship with a resolute heart, saying to herself that a woman incurred no risk so long as she had a sure means of taking her own life before submitting to dishonor. She avenged herself for the harsh treatment of her guides only by rewarding them handsomely for their fatigue; then she went to her cabin and anxiously awaited the hour of departure.
She pressed her hand against her heavy heart and touched the hilt of a dagger she had hidden there earlier that day, almost instinctively sensing danger. The presence of that weapon gave her back her confidence; it was a short, pointed stiletto that her father used to carry, an old Spanish weapon that had belonged to a Medina-Sidonia, whose name was etched on the blade, along with the date 1300. It had undoubtedly been stained with noble blood, having erased more than one affront and punished more than one arrogant fool. With it in her possession, Indiana felt like a Spaniard again, and she boarded the ship with a determined heart, reminding herself that a woman faced no risk as long as she had a reliable way to end her own life before submitting to disgrace. She took revenge on her guides’ harsh treatment only by generously rewarding them for their trouble; then she went to her cabin and anxiously awaited the departure time.
At last the day broke, and the sea was covered with small boats bringing the passengers aboard. Indiana looked with terror through the port-hole at the faces of those who came aboard the Eugène; she dreaded lest she should see her husband, coming to claim her. At last the echoes of the last gun died away on the island which had been her prison. The ship began to cut her way through the waves, and the sun, rising from the ocean, cast its cheerful, rosy light on the white peaks of the Salazes as they sank lower and lower on the horizon.
At last, morning arrived, and the sea was dotted with small boats bringing passengers onboard. Indiana looked in fear through the porthole at the faces of those boarding the Eugène; she was terrified of seeing her husband coming to take her back. Finally, the sound of the last cannon faded away on the island that had been her prison. The ship started to move through the waves, and the sun, rising from the ocean, cast its cheerful, rosy light on the white peaks of the Salazes as they disappeared lower and lower on the horizon.

MADAME DELMARE'S FLIGHT
Madame Delmare's Escape
She waited a long while; she looked at her watch and found that the appointed time had passed. The sea was so high, and navigation about the shores of the island is so difficult in the best of weather, that she was beginning, to despair of the courage of the men who were to take her aboard, when she spied on the gleaming waves the black shadow of a pirogue, trying to make the land.
She waited for a long time; she checked her watch and saw that the scheduled time had come and gone. The sea was so rough, and getting around the island's shores is tricky even in good weather, that she was starting to lose faith in the courage of the men who were supposed to pick her up, when she spotted the black silhouette of a pirogue, struggling to reach the shore.
When they were a few leagues from port, a sort of comedy was played on board to avoid a confession of trickery. Captain Random pretended to discover Madame Delmare on his vessel; he feigned surprise, questioned the sailors, went through the form of losing his temper and of quieting down again, and ended by drawing up a report of the finding of a stowaway on board; that is the technical term used on such occasions.
When they were a few leagues from the port, a kind of comedy unfolded on board to avoid admitting trickery. Captain Random pretended to discover Madame Delmare on his ship; he faked surprise, questioned the sailors, acted like he was losing his temper and then calmed down again. He eventually wrote up a report about finding a stowaway on board; that's the official term used in these situations.
Allow me to go no farther with the story of this voyage. It will be enough for me to tell you, for Captain Random's justification, that, despite his rough training, he had enough natural good sense to understand Madame Delmare's character very quickly; he ventured upon very few attempts to abuse her unprotected condition and eventually was touched by it and acted as her friend and protector. But that worthy man's loyal behavior and Indiana's dignity did not restrain the comments of the crew, the mocking glances, the insulting suspicions and the broad and stinging jests. These were the real torments of the unhappy woman during that journey, for I say nothing of the fatigue, the discomforts, the dangers, the tedium and the sea-sickness; she paid no heed to them.
Allow me to not go any further with the story of this voyage. It's enough for me to say, in Captain Random's defense, that despite his tough upbringing, he had enough natural sense to quickly understand Madame Delmare's character; he made very few attempts to take advantage of her vulnerable situation and eventually was moved by it, acting as her friend and protector. However, that good man's loyal actions and Indiana's dignity didn't stop the crew's comments, mocking looks, insulting suspicions, and harsh jokes. These were the real struggles for the unhappy woman during the journey, as I won't even mention the fatigue, discomforts, dangers, tedium, and seasickness; she ignored those.
XXVIII
Three days after the despatch of his letter to Ile Bourbon, Raymon had entirely forgotten both the letter and its purpose. He had felt decidedly better and had ventured to make a visit in the neighborhood. The estate of Lagny, which Monsieur Delmare had left to be sold for the benefit of his creditors, had been purchased by a wealthy manufacturer, Monsieur Hubert, a shrewd and estimable man, not like all wealthy manufacturers, but like a small number of the newly-rich. Raymon found the new owner comfortably settled in that house which recalled so many memories. He took pleasure in giving a free rein to his emotion as he wandered through the garden where Noun's light footprints seemed to be still visible on the gravel, and through those great rooms which seemed still to retain the echoes of Indiana's soft words; but soon the presence of a new hostess changed the current of his thoughts.
Three days after he sent his letter to Ile Bourbon, Raymon had completely forgotten both the letter and why he wrote it. He was feeling much better and took a chance to visit the area. The estate of Lagny, which Monsieur Delmare had put up for sale to pay his creditors, had been bought by a wealthy manufacturer, Monsieur Hubert, a sharp and respectable guy, not like most wealthy manufacturers, but more like a select few of the newly rich. Raymon found the new owner comfortably settled in that house filled with so many memories. He enjoyed letting his emotions flow as he wandered through the garden where Noun’s light footprints seemed still visible on the gravel, and in those large rooms that seemed to hold the echoes of Indiana’s gentle words; however, the presence of a new hostess soon shifted his thoughts.
In the main salon, on the spot where Madame Delmare was accustomed to sit and work, a tall, slender young woman, with a glance that was at once pleasant and mischievous, caressing and mocking, sat before an easel, amusing herself by copying in water-colors the odd hangings on the walls. The copy was a fascinating thing, a delicate satire instinct with the bantering yet refined nature of the artist. She had amused herself by exaggerating the pretentious finicalness of the old frescoes; she had grasped the false and shifting character of the age of Louis XIV. on those stilted figures. While refreshing the colors that time had faded, she had restored their affected graces, their perfume of courtiership, their costumes of the boudoir and the shepherd's hut, so curiously identical. Beside that work of historical raillery she had written the word copy.
In the main salon, where Madame Delmare used to sit and work, a tall, slender young woman with a glance that was both charming and playful, sat in front of an easel, enjoying herself by painting the quirky hangings on the walls in watercolors. The copy was captivating, a delicate satire reflecting the teasing yet elegant nature of the artist. She had fun amplifying the pretentiousness of the old frescoes; she had captured the false and shifting essence of the Louis XIV era in those awkward figures. While refreshing the colors faded by time, she had revitalized their affected elegance, their aura of courtliness, and their costumes, which were strangely similar whether from a boudoir or a shepherd's hut. Next to that work of historical mockery, she had written the word copy.
She raised her long eyes, instinct with merriment of a caustic, treacherous, yet attractive sort, slowly to Raymon's face. For some reason she reminded him of Shakespeare's Anne Page. There was in her manner neither timidity nor boldness, nor affectation, nor self-distrust. Their conversation turned upon the influence of fashion in the arts.
She lifted her big, expressive eyes, filled with a mix of humor that was sharp, dangerous, yet undeniably appealing, and slowly looked at Raymon's face. For some reason, she reminded him of Shakespeare's Anne Page. There was neither shyness nor bravado in her demeanor, nor any pretentiousness or lack of confidence. Their conversation focused on the impact of fashion in the arts.
"Is it not true, monsieur, that the moral coloring of the period was in that brush?" she said, pointing to the wainscoting, covered with rustic cupids after the style of Boucher. "Isn't it true that those sheep do not walk or sleep or browse like sheep of to-day? And that pretty landscape, so false and so orderly, those clumps of many-petalled roses in the middle of the forest where naught but a bit of eglantine grows in our days, those tame birds of a species that has apparently disappeared, and those pink satin gowns which the sun never faded—is there not in all these a deal of poesy, ideas of luxury and pleasure, of a whole useless, harmless, joyous life? Doubtless these absurd fictions were quite as valuable as our gloomy political deliverances! If only I had been born in those days!" she added with a smile; "frivolous and narrow-minded creature that I am, I should have been much better fitted to paint fans and produce masterpieces of thread-work than to read the newspapers and understand the debates in the Chambers!"
"Isn’t it true, sir, that the moral vibe of the time was in that painting?" she said, pointing to the paneling, decorated with rustic cupids in the style of Boucher. "Isn’t it true that those sheep don’t walk, sleep, or graze like today’s sheep? And that lovely landscape, so fake and so tidy, those clusters of many-petaled roses in the middle of the forest where only a bit of wild rose grows today, those tame birds of a species that seems to have vanished, and those pink satin dresses that the sun never faded—don’t all these hold a lot of poetry, ideas of luxury and enjoyment, of an entire useless, harmless, joyful life? Surely these ridiculous fantasies were just as valuable as our dreary political statements! If only I had been born in those times!" she added with a smile. "Frivolous and narrow-minded as I am, I would have been much better suited to paint fans and create masterpieces of embroidery than to read the newspapers and follow the debates in the government!"
Monsieur Hubert left the young people together; and their conversation drifted from one subject to another, until it fell at last upon Madame Delmare.
Monsieur Hubert left the young people together, and their conversation shifted from one topic to another, until it finally landed on Madame Delmare.
"You were very intimate with our predecessors in this house," said the young woman, "and it is generous on your part to come and see new faces here. Madame Delmare," she added, with a penetrating glance at him, "was a remarkable woman, so they say; she must have left memories here which place us at a disadvantage, so far as you are concerned."
"You were really close with the people who lived here before," said the young woman, "and it's kind of you to come and meet us new faces. Madame Delmare," she added, giving him an intense look, "was an extraordinary woman, or so I've heard; she must have left behind memories that put us at a disadvantage with you."
"She was an excellent woman," Raymon replied, unconcernedly, "and her husband was a worthy man."
"She was a great woman," Raymon replied casually, "and her husband was a good man."
"But," rejoined the reckless girl, "she was something more than an excellent woman, I should judge. If I remember rightly there was a charm about her personality which calls for a more enthusiastic and more poetic description. I saw her two years ago, at a ball at the Spanish ambassador's. She was fascinating that night; do you remember?"
"But," responded the daring girl, "she was more than just an amazing woman, I think. If I recall correctly, there was a charm in her personality that deserves a more passionate and poetic description. I saw her two years ago at a ball at the Spanish ambassador's. She was captivating that night; do you remember?"
Raymon started at this reminder of the evening that he spoke to Indiana for the first time. He remembered at the same moment that he had noticed at that ball the distingué features and clever eyes of the young woman with whom he was now talking; but he did not then ask who she was.
Raymon recalled the moment he first spoke to Indiana during that evening. He also remembered noticing the refined features and intelligent eyes of the young woman he was now conversing with, but at the time, he hadn’t inquired about her identity.
Not until he had taken his leave of her and was congratulating Monsieur Hubert on his daughter's charms, did he learn her name.
Not until he had said goodbye to her and was congratulating Monsieur Hubert on his daughter's charms, did he find out her name.
"I have not the good fortune to be her father," said the manufacturer; "but I did the best I could by adopting her. Do you not know my story?"
"I’m not lucky enough to be her father," said the manufacturer; "but I did my best by adopting her. Don’t you know my story?"
"I have been ill for several months," Raymon replied, "and have heard nothing of you beyond the good you have already done in the province."
"I've been sick for several months," Raymon replied, "and I haven't heard anything about you other than the good you've already done in the province."
"There are people," said Monsieur Hubert with a smile, "who consider that I did a most meritorious thing in adopting Mademoiselle de Nangy; but you, monsieur, who have elevated ideas, will judge whether I did anything more than true delicacy required. Ten years ago, a widower and childless, I found myself possessed of funds to a considerable amount, the results of my labors, which I was anxious to invest. I found that the estate and château of Nangy in Bourgogne, national property, were for sale and suited me perfectly. I had been in possession some time when I learned that the former lord of the manor and his seven-year-old granddaughter were living in a hovel, in extreme destitution. The old man had received some indemnity, but he had religiously devoted it to the payment of debts incurred during the emigration. I tried to better his condition and to give him a home in my house; but he had retained in his poverty all the pride of his rank. He refused to return to the house of his ancestors as an object of charity, and died shortly after my arrival, having steadfastly refused to accept any favors at my hands. Then I took his child there. The little patrician was proud already and accepted my assistance most unwillingly; but at that age prejudices are not deeply rooted and resolutions do not last long. She soon accustomed herself to look upon me as her father and I brought her up as my own daughter. She has rewarded me handsomely by the happiness she has showered on my old age. And so, to make sure of my happiness, I have adopted Mademoiselle de Nangy, and my only hope now is to find her a husband worthy of her and able to manage prudently the property I shall leave her."
"There are people," said Monsieur Hubert with a smile, "who think I did a great thing by adopting Mademoiselle de Nangy; but you, sir, with your elevated ideas, will decide if I did anything more than what true delicacy required. Ten years ago, as a widower without children, I found myself with a substantial amount of money from my work that I wanted to invest. I discovered that the estate and château of Nangy in Bourgogne, which was national property, were for sale and suited me perfectly. I had owned it for some time when I found out that the former lord of the manor and his seven-year-old granddaughter were living in a rundown place, in extreme poverty. The old man had received some compensation, but he had faithfully used it to pay off debts from the time of emigration. I tried to improve his situation and offer him a home in my house, but he held onto the pride of his rank, even in poverty. He refused to return to his ancestral home as a charity case, and he passed away shortly after I arrived, having firmly turned down any help from me. Then I took his child in. The little noble was already proud and accepted my help very reluctantly; but at that age, prejudices aren't deeply ingrained, and decisions don't last long. She soon got used to seeing me as her father, and I raised her as my own daughter. She has beautifully rewarded me with the happiness she's brought to my old age. Therefore, to ensure my happiness, I adopted Mademoiselle de Nangy, and my only wish now is to find her a husband worthy of her, someone capable of managing the property I will leave her."
Encouraged by the interest with which Raymon listened to his confidences, the excellent man, in true bourgeois fashion, gradually confided all his business affairs to him. His attentive auditor found that he had a fine, large fortune administered with the most minute care, and which simply awaited a younger proprietor, of more fashionable tastes than the worthy Hubert, to shine forth in all its splendor. He felt that he might be the man destined to perform that agreeable task, and he gave thanks to the ingenious fate which reconciled all his interests by offering him, by favor of divers romantic incidents, a woman of his own rank possessed of a fine plebeian fortune. It was a chance not to be let slip, and he put forth all his skill in the effort to grasp it. Moreover, the heiress was charming; Raymon became more kindly disposed toward his providence.
Encouraged by the interest with which Raymon listened to his confidences, the excellent man, in true middle-class fashion, gradually shared all his business affairs with him. His attentive listener found that he had a large fortune managed with the utmost care, just waiting for a younger owner with more fashionable tastes than the respectable Hubert to be showcased in all its glory. He felt that he might be the one destined to take on that enjoyable job, and he was thankful to the clever fate that aligned all his interests by presenting him, through various romantic twists, a woman of his own status who had a nice common fortune. It was an opportunity he couldn't let pass, and he used all his skill to seize it. Besides, the heiress was charming; Raymon grew fonder of his fortune.
As for Madame Delmare, he would not think of her. He drove away the fears which the thought of his letter aroused from time to time; he tried to persuade himself that poor Indiana would not grasp his meaning or would not have the courage to respond to it; and he finally succeeded in deceiving himself and believing that he was not blameworthy, for Raymon would have been horrified to find that he was selfish. He was not one of those artless villains who come on the stage to make a naïve confession of their vices to their own hearts. Vice is not reflected in its own ugliness, or it would frighten itself; and Shakespeare's Iago, who is so true to life in his acts, is false in his words, being forced by our stage conventions to lay bare himself the secret recesses of his deep and tortuous heart. Man rarely tramples his conscience under foot thus coolly. He turns it over, squeezes it, pinches it, disfigures it; and when he has distorted it and exhausted it and worn it out, he carries it about with him as an indulgent and obliging mentor which accommodates itself to his passions and his interests, but which he pretends always to consult and to fear.
As for Madame Delmare, he didn’t think about her. He pushed away the fears that his letter sometimes brought up; he tried to convince himself that poor Indiana wouldn’t understand what he meant or wouldn’t have the guts to respond. In the end, he managed to trick himself into believing he wasn’t at fault, because Raymon would have been appalled to find out that he was selfish. He wasn’t one of those straightforward villains who take the stage to make a simple confession of their flaws to themselves. Evil doesn’t appear in its own ugliness, or it would scare itself; and Shakespeare's Iago, who acts so convincingly, is untrue in his words, forced by the conventions of the stage to reveal the hidden corners of his complicated heart. A person rarely squashes their conscience that easily. They twist it, squeeze it, pinch it, distort it; and when they’ve warped it, exhausted it, and worn it down, they carry it around as a friendly and supportive mentor that adapts to their passions and interests, while pretending to always consult it and fear it.
He went often to Lagny, therefore, and his visits were agreeable to Monsieur Hubert; for, as you know, Raymon had the art of winning affection, and soon the rich bourgeois's one desire was to call him his son-in-law. But he wished that his adopted daughter should choose him freely and that they should be allowed every opportunity to know and judge each other.
He often went to Lagny, and his visits were pleasant for Monsieur Hubert; because, as you know, Raymon had a knack for winning people's affection, and soon the wealthy businessman only wanted to call him his son-in-law. However, he hoped that his adopted daughter would choose him willingly and that they would have plenty of opportunities to get to know and evaluate each other.
Laure de Nangy was in no haste to assure Raymon's happiness; she kept him perfectly balanced between fear and hope. Being less generous than Madame Delmare, but more adroit, distant yet flattering, haughty yet cajoling, she was the very woman to subjugate Raymon; for she was as superior to him in cunning as he was to Indiana. She soon realized that her admirer craved her fortune much more than herself. Her placid imagination anticipated nothing better in the way of homage; she had too much sense, too much knowledge of the world to dream of love when two millions were at stake. She had chosen her course calmly and philosophically, and she was not inclined to blame Raymon; she did not hate him because he was of a calculating, unsentimental temper like the age in which he lived; but she knew him too well to love him. She made it a matter of pride not to fall below the standard of that cold and scheming epoch; her self-esteem would have suffered had she been swayed by the foolish illusions of an ignorant boarding-school miss; she would have blushed at being deceived as at being detected in a foolish act; in a word, she made her heroism consist in steering clear of love, as Madame Delmare's consisted in sacrificing everything to it.
Laure de Nangy wasn’t in a rush to make Raymon happy; she kept him perfectly balanced between fear and hope. Less generous than Madame Delmare, but more clever, distant yet flattering, proud yet coaxing, she was the perfect woman to captivate Raymon; she was more cunning than him, just as he was more cunning than Indiana. She quickly realized that her admirer was more interested in her wealth than in her. Her calm imagination didn’t expect anything better in the way of admiration; she had too much sense and too much worldly knowledge to dream of love when two million was at stake. She had chosen her path calmly and practically, and she wasn’t inclined to blame Raymon; she didn’t dislike him for being calculating and unemotional like the age he lived in; but she knew him too well to love him. She took pride in not lowering herself to the standards of that cold and scheming era; her self-esteem would have suffered if she had been swayed by the foolish illusions of an ignorant schoolgirl; she would have felt embarrassed being deceived just like she would have felt embarrassed about being caught doing something foolish; in short, her sense of heroism was about avoiding love, while Madame Delmare’s was about sacrificing everything for it.
Mademoiselle de Nangy was fully resolved, therefore, to submit to marriage as a social necessity; but she took a malicious pleasure in making use of the liberty which still belonged to her, and in imposing her authority for some time on the man who aspired to deprive her of it. No youth, no sweet dreams, no brilliant and deceptive future for that girl, who was doomed to undergo all the miseries of wealth. For her, life was a matter of stoical calculation, happiness a childish delusion against which she must defend herself as a weakness and an absurdity.
Mademoiselle de Nangy was fully determined to accept marriage as a social requirement; however, she took a wicked delight in exercising the freedom that still belonged to her and in asserting her authority for a while over the man who wanted to take it away. No youth, no sweet dreams, no bright and misleading future awaited that girl, who was destined to face all the woes that come with wealth. For her, life was an exercise in pragmatic calculation, and happiness was a childish illusion that she needed to guard against as a flaw and a foolishness.
While Raymon was at work building up his fortune, Indiana was drawing near the shores of France. But imagine her surprise and alarm, when she landed, to see the tri-colored flag floating on the walls of Bordeaux! The city was in a state of violent agitation; the prefect had been almost murdered the night before; the populace were rising on all sides; the garrison seemed to be preparing for a bloody conflict, and the result of the revolution was still unknown.
While Raymon was busy making his fortune, Indiana was approaching the shores of France. But imagine her shock and worry when she landed and saw the tri-colored flag flying on the walls of Bordeaux! The city was in a state of chaos; the prefect had nearly been murdered the night before; the people were rising up all around; the military appeared to be getting ready for a bloody fight, and the outcome of the revolution was still uncertain.
"I have come too late!" was the thought that fell upon Madame Delmare like a stroke of lightning.
"I have come too late!" was the thought that struck Madame Delmare like a bolt of lightning.
In her alarm she left on board the little money and the few clothes that she possessed, and ran about through the city in a state of frenzy. She tried to find a diligence for Paris, but the public conveyances were crowded with people who were either escaping or going to claim a share in the spoils of the vanquished. Not until evening did she succeed in finding a place. As she was stepping into the coach an improvised patrol of National Guards objected to the departure of the passengers and demanded to see their papers. Indiana had none. While she argued against the absurd suspicions of the triumphant party, she heard it stated all about her that the monarchy had fallen, that the king was a fugitive, and that the ministers had been massacred with all their adherents. This news, proclaimed with laughter and stamping and shouts of joy, dealt Madame Delmare a deadly blow. In the whole revolution she was personally interested in but one fact; in all France she knew but one man. She fell on the ground in a swoon, and came to herself in a hospital—several days later.
In her panic, she left behind the little money and few clothes she had, and ran through the city in a frenzy. She tried to find a coach to Paris, but the public transport was packed with people either escaping or rushing to grab a piece of the spoils from the defeated. It wasn't until the evening that she managed to find a spot. As she was getting into the coach, an impromptu patrol of National Guards stopped the departure of the passengers and demanded to see their papers. Indiana had none. While she argued against the ridiculous suspicions of the victorious crowd, she heard people around her saying that the monarchy had fallen, that the king was on the run, and that the ministers had been slaughtered along with all their supporters. This news, proclaimed with laughter, stamping, and cheers, hit Madame Delmare like a ton of bricks. In the entire revolution, she was only personally invested in one fact; she knew only one man in all of France. She collapsed to the ground in a faint and woke up in a hospital several days later.
After two months she was discharged, without money or linen or effects, weak and trembling, exhausted by an inflammatory brain fever which had caused her life to be despaired of several times. When she found herself in the street, alone, hardly able to walk, without friends, resources or strength, when she made an effort to recall the particulars of her situation and realized that she was hopelessly lost in that great city, she had an indescribable thrill of terror and despair as she thought that Raymon's fate had long since been decided and that there was not a solitary person about her who could put an end to her horrible uncertainty. The horror of desertion bore down with all its might upon her crushed spirit, and the apathetic despair born of hopeless misery gradually deadened all her faculties. In the mental numbness which she felt stealing over her, she dragged herself to the harbor, and, shivering with fever, sat down on a stone to warm herself in the sunshine, gazing listlessly at the water plashing at her feet. She sat there several hours, devoid of energy, of hope, of purpose; but suddenly she remembered her clothes and her money, which she had left on the Eugène, and which she might possibly recover; but it was nightfall, and she dared not go among the sailors who were just leaving their work with much rough merriment and question them concerning the ship. Desiring, on the other hand, to avoid the attention she was beginning to attract, she left the quay and concealed herself in the ruins of a house recently demolished behind the great esplanade of Les Quinconces. There, cowering in a corner, she passed that cold October night, a night laden with bitter thoughts and alarms. At last the day broke; hunger made itself felt insistent and implacable. She decided to ask alms. Her clothes, although in wretched condition, still indicated more comfortable circumstances than a beggar is supposed to enjoy. People looked at her curiously, suspiciously, ironically, and gave her nothing. Again she dragged herself to the quays, inquired about the Eugène and learned from the first waterman she addressed that she was still in the roadstead. She hired him to put her aboard and found Random at breakfast.
After two months, she was released, without any money, clothes, or belongings, weak and shaking, exhausted from a severe brain fever that had made her life seem hopeless on several occasions. When she found herself alone on the street, barely able to walk, without friends, resources, or strength, and she tried to recall the specifics of her situation only to realize she was completely lost in that big city, she felt an overwhelming wave of terror and despair at the thought that Raymon's fate had long been decided and there was no one around who could relieve her terrible uncertainty. The weight of abandonment pressed down hard on her battered spirit, and the numb despair that came from her hopeless misery gradually dulled all her senses. In the mental haze that began to settle over her, she dragged herself to the harbor and, shivering with fever, sat down on a stone to warm herself in the sun, staring blankly at the water lapping at her feet. She sat there for several hours, devoid of energy, hope, or purpose; but suddenly she remembered her clothes and money that she had left on the Eugène, which she might be able to recover; but it was dusk, and she couldn’t approach the sailors who were just finishing their work with boisterous laughter to ask about the ship. Wanting to avoid drawing attention to herself, she left the dock and hid in the ruins of a recently demolished house behind the large esplanade of Les Quinconces. There, huddled in a corner, she spent that cold October night, filled with bitter thoughts and fears. Finally, dawn broke; hunger made itself feel urgent and relentless. She decided to ask for help. Her clothes, though in terrible condition, still suggested better circumstances than a beggar would typically have. People looked at her with curiosity, suspicion, and irony, and gave her nothing. Again, she dragged herself to the docks, inquired about the Eugène, and learned from the first waterman she spoke to that it was still in the roadstead. She hired him to take her aboard and found Random having breakfast.
"Well, well, my fair passenger," he cried, "so you have returned from Paris already! You have come in good time, for I sail to-morrow. Shall I take you back to Bourbon?"
"Well, well, my lovely passenger," he exclaimed, "so you've come back from Paris already! You arrived just in time because I’m sailing tomorrow. Should I take you back to Bourbon?"
He informed Madame Delmare that he had caused search to be made for her everywhere, that he might return what belonged to her. But Indiana had not a scrap of paper upon her from which her name could be learned when she was taken to the hospital. She had been entered on the books there and also on the police books under the designation unknown; so the captain had been unable to learn anything about her.
He told Madame Delmare that he had searched everywhere for her so he could return what belonged to her. But Indiana didn’t have any papers on her that would reveal her name when she was taken to the hospital. She was listed in the hospital records and also in the police records as unknown; so the captain couldn’t find out anything about her.
The next day, despite her weakness and exhaustion, Indiana started for Paris. Her anxiety should have diminished when she saw the turn political affairs had taken; but anxiety does not reason, and love is fertile in childish fears.
The next day, despite her weakness and exhaustion, Indiana set off for Paris. Her anxiety should have lessened when she saw the direction political affairs had taken; but anxiety doesn’t reason, and love is full of childish fears.
On the very evening of her arrival at Paris she hurried to Raymon's house and questioned the concierge in an agony of apprehension.
On the very evening of her arrival in Paris, she rushed to Raymon's house and anxiously questioned the concierge.
"Monsieur is quite well," was the reply; "he is at Lagny."
"Monsieur is doing well," came the reply; "he's in Lagny."
"At Lagny! you mean at Cercy, do you not?"
"At Lagny! You mean at Cercy, right?"
"No, madame, at Lagny, which he owns now."
"No, ma'am, at Lagny, which he owns now."
"Dear Raymon!" thought Indiana, "he has bought that estate to afford me a refuge where public malice cannot reach me. He knew that I would come!"
"Dear Raymon!" thought Indiana, "he bought that estate to give me a sanctuary where the public's cruelty can't touch me. He knew I would come!"
Drunk with joy, she hastened, light of heart and instinct with new life, to take apartments in a furnished house, and devoted the night and part of the next day to rest. It was so long since the unfortunate creature had enjoyed a peaceful sleep! Her dreams were sweet and deceptive, and when she woke she did not regret them, for she found hope at her pillow. She dressed with care; she knew that Raymon was particular about all the minutiæ of the toilet, and she had ordered the night before a pretty new dress which was brought to her just as she rose. But, when she was ready to arrange her hair, she sought in vain the long and magnificent tresses she had once had; during her illness they had fallen under the nurse's shears. She noticed it then for the first time, her all-engrossing thoughts had diverted her mind so completely from small things.
Drunk with joy, she hurried, light-hearted and filled with new energy, to get a place in a furnished house, dedicating the night and part of the next day to rest. It had been so long since the unfortunate woman had enjoyed a peaceful sleep! Her dreams were sweet and misleading, and when she woke up, she didn’t regret them, for she found hope at her pillow. She dressed carefully; she knew that Raymon was particular about all the details of appearance, and she had ordered a pretty new dress the night before, which was brought to her just as she got up. But when she was ready to do her hair, she searched in vain for the long and beautiful locks she once had; during her illness, they had fallen victim to the nurse’s scissors. She noticed it for the first time then; her consuming thoughts had completely distracted her from such small details.
Nevertheless, when she had curled her short black locks about her pale and melancholy brow, when she had placed upon her shapely head a little English hat, called then, by way of allusion to the recent blow to great fortunes, a three per cent.; when she had fastened at her girdle a bunch of the flowers whose perfume Raymon loved, she hoped that she would still find favor in his sight; for she was as pale and fragile as in the first days of their acquaintance, and the effect of her illness had effaced the traces of the tropical sunshine.
Nevertheless, when she had styled her short black hair around her pale and sad forehead, when she had put a small English hat on her shapely head, called a three per cent. as a nod to the recent decline in fortunes, and when she had attached a bunch of the flowers that Raymon loved to her waist, she hoped that she would still catch his eye; for she was as pale and delicate as in the early days of their relationship, and the impact of her illness had erased the signs of the tropical sun.
She hired a cab in the afternoon and arrived about nine at night at a village on the outskirts of Fontainebleau. There she ordered the driver to put up his horse and wait for her until the next day, and started off alone, on foot, by a path which led to Lagny park by a walk of less than quarter of an hour through the woods. She tried to open the small gate but found it locked on the inside. It was her wish to enter by stealth, to avoid the eyes of the servants and take Raymon by surprise. She skirted the park wall. It was quite old; she remembered that there were frequent breaches, and, by good luck, she found one and passed over without much difficulty.
She grabbed a cab in the afternoon and got to a village on the edge of Fontainebleau around nine at night. There, she told the driver to stable his horse and wait for her until the next day, then set off on foot along a path that took less than fifteen minutes through the woods to Lagny park. She tried to open the small gate but discovered it was locked from the inside. She wanted to sneak in to avoid the servants' attention and surprise Raymon. She walked along the park wall, which was pretty old; she remembered there were often gaps, and luckily, she found one and got through without too much trouble.
When she stood upon ground which belonged to Raymon and was to be thenceforth her refuge, her sanctuary, her fortress and her home, her heart leaped for joy. With light, triumphant foot she hastened along the winding paths she knew so well. She reached the English garden, which was dark and deserted on that side. Nothing was changed in the flower-beds; but the bridge, the painful sight of which she dreaded, had disappeared, and the course of the stream had been altered; the spots which might have recalled Noun's death had been changed, and no others.
When she stood on the land that belonged to Raymon and would now be her refuge, her sanctuary, her fortress, and her home, her heart soared with joy. With a light, triumphant step, she hurried along the familiar winding paths. She reached the English garden, which was dark and empty on that side. Nothing had changed in the flower beds; however, the bridge, which she dreaded seeing, had vanished, and the stream's flow had been modified; the places that might remind her of Noun's death had been altered, and no others.
"He wished to banish that cruel memory," thought Indiana. "He was wrong, I could have endured it. Was it not for my sake that he planted the seeds of remorse in his life? Henceforth we are quits, for I too have committed a crime. I may have caused my husband's death. Raymon can open his arms to me, we will take the place of innocence and virtue to each other."
"He wanted to get rid of that painful memory," thought Indiana. "He was mistaken; I could have handled it. Wasn’t it for my sake that he planted the seeds of guilt in his life? From now on, we are even, because I have also committed a sin. I might have caused my husband's death. Raymon can welcome me with open arms; we will be each other's refuge of innocence and virtue."
She crossed the stream on boards laid across where a bridge was to be built and passed through the flower-garden. She was forced to stop, for her heart was beating as if it would burst; she looked up at the windows of her old bedroom. O bliss! a light was shining through the blue curtains, Raymon was there. As if he could occupy any other room! The door to the secret stairway was open.
She crossed the stream on boards set up where a bridge was going to be built and walked through the flower garden. She had to stop because her heart was racing as if it would explode; she looked up at the windows of her old bedroom. Oh joy! A light was shining through the blue curtains; Raymon was there. As if he could be in any other room! The door to the hidden stairway was open.
"He expects me at any time," she thought; "he will be happy but not surprised."
"He could show up at any moment," she thought; "he'll be happy but not shocked."
At the top of the staircase she paused again to take breath; she felt less strong to endure joy than sorrow. She stooped and looked through the keyhole. Raymon was alone, reading. It was really he, it was Raymon overflowing with life and vigor; his trials had not aged him, the tempests of politics had not taken a single hair from his head; there he sat, placid and handsome, his head resting on his white hand which was buried in his black hair.
At the top of the stairs, she paused again to catch her breath; she felt less capable of handling joy than sorrow. She bent down and looked through the keyhole. Raymon was alone, reading. It was really him, Raymon full of life and energy; his struggles hadn’t aged him, and the storms of politics hadn’t taken a single hair from his head; there he sat, calm and attractive, with his head resting on his white hand, which was buried in his black hair.
Indiana impulsively tried the door, which opened without resistance.
Indiana impulsively tried the door, and it opened easily.
"You expected me!" she cried, falling on her knees and resting her feeble head upon Raymon's bosom; "you counted the months and days, you knew that the time had passed, but you knew too that I could not fail to come at your call. You called me and I am here, I am here! I am dying!"
"You expected me!" she exclaimed, dropping to her knees and leaning her weak head against Raymon's chest; "you counted the months and days, you knew the time had passed, but you also knew that I would never miss your call. You called me, and here I am, here I am! I'm dying!"
Her ideas became tangled in her brain; for some time she knelt there, silent, gasping for breath, incapable of speech or thought. Then she opened her eyes, recognized Raymon as if just waking from a dream, uttered a cry of frantic joy, and pressed her lips to his, wild, ardent and happy. He was pale, dumb, motionless, as if struck by lightning.
Her thoughts got all mixed up in her mind; for a while, she knelt there, quiet, struggling to breathe, unable to speak or think. Then she opened her eyes, saw Raymon as if just coming out of a dream, let out a cry of pure joy, and kissed him, passionate, eager, and thrilled. He was pale, speechless, frozen, as if hit by lightning.
"Speak to me, in Heaven's name," she cried; "it is I, your Indiana, your slave whom you recalled from exile and who has travelled three thousand leagues to love you and serve you; it is your chosen companion, who has left everything, risked everything, defied everything, to bring you this moment of joy! You are happy, you are content with her, are you not? I am waiting for my reward; with a word, a kiss I shall be paid a hundred fold."
"Talk to me, for heaven's sake," she pleaded; "it's me, your Indiana, your servant whom you called back from exile and who has journeyed three thousand leagues to love and serve you; it's your chosen partner, who has given up everything, risked everything, and defied everything to give you this moment of happiness! You’re happy, you’re satisfied with her, aren’t you? I'm waiting for my reward; with just a word or a kiss, I will be repaid a hundred times over."
But Raymon did not reply; his admirable presence of mind had abandoned him. He was crushed with surprise, remorse and terror when he saw that woman at his feet; he hid his face in his hands and longed for death.
But Raymon didn’t respond; his notable composure had left him. He was overwhelmed with shock, regret, and fear when he saw that woman at his feet; he hid his face in his hands and wished for death.
"My God! my God! you don't speak to me, you don't kiss me, you have nothing to say to me!" cried Madame Delmare, pressing Raymon's knees to her breast; "is it because you cannot? Joy makes people ill, it kills sometimes, I know! Ah! you are not well, you are suffocating, I surprised you too suddenly! Try to look at me; see how pale I am, how old I have grown, how I have suffered! But it was for you, and you will love me all the better for it! Say one word to me, Raymon, just one."
"My God! My God! You don’t talk to me, you don’t kiss me, you have nothing to say!" cried Madame Delmare, pulling Raymon’s knees to her chest. "Is it because you can’t? Happiness can make people feel unwell; sometimes it even kills, I know! Ah! You’re not feeling well, you’re suffocating—I surprised you too suddenly! Try to look at me; see how pale I am, how old I’ve become, how I’ve suffered! But it was for you, and you’ll love me even more for it! Just say one word to me, Raymon, just one."
"I would like to weep," said Raymon in a stifled tone.
"I want to cry," Raymon said in a choked voice.
"And so would I," said she, covering his hands with kisses. "Ah! yes, that would do you good. Weep, weep on my bosom, and I will wipe your tears away with my kisses. I have come to bring you happiness, to be whatever you choose—your companion, your servant or your mistress. Formerly I was very cruel, very foolish, very selfish. I made you suffer terribly, and I refused to understand that I demanded what was beyond your strength. But since then I have reflected, and as you are not afraid to defy public opinion with me, I have no right to refuse to make any sacrifice. Dispose of me, of my blood, of my life, as you will; I am yours body and soul. I have travelled three thousand leagues to tell you this, to give myself to you. Take me, I am your property, you are my master."
"And so would I," she said, covering his hands with kisses. "Ah! yes, that would do you good. Cry, cry on my chest, and I will dry your tears with my kisses. I’ve come to bring you happiness, to be whatever you want—your companion, your servant, or your lover. I used to be very cruel, very foolish, very selfish. I made you suffer so much, and I refused to see that I was asking for more than you could handle. But I’ve thought about it since then, and since you’re not afraid to go against what others think for me, I have no right to hold back any sacrifice. Do with me, my blood, my life, whatever you want; I am yours, body and soul. I’ve traveled three thousand leagues to tell you this, to give myself to you. Take me, I am yours; you are my master."
I cannot say what infernal project passed rapidly through Raymon's brain. He removed his clenched hands from his face and looked at Indiana with diabolical sang-froid; then a wicked smile played about his lips and made his eyes gleam, for Indiana was still lovely.
I can’t say what wicked plan quickly crossed Raymon’s mind. He pulled his clenched hands away from his face and looked at Indiana with a devilish calmness; then a sly smile appeared on his lips, making his eyes shine, because Indiana was still beautiful.
"First of all, we must conceal you," he said, rising.
"First of all, we need to hide you," he said, getting up.
"Why conceal me here?" she said; "aren't you at liberty to take me in and protect me, who have no one but you on earth, and who, without you, shall be compelled to beg on the public highway? Why, even society can no longer call it a crime for you to love me; I have taken everything on my own shoulders! But where are you going?" she cried, as she saw him walking toward the door.
"Why are you hiding me here?" she asked. "Aren't you free to take me in and protect me? I have no one else in the world but you, and without you, I'll have to beg on the streets. Society can’t even call it a crime for you to love me anymore; I've taken everything upon myself! But where are you going?" she exclaimed as she saw him walking toward the door.
She clung to him with the terror of a child who does not wish to be left alone a single instant, and dragged herself along on her knees behind him.
She held onto him in pure fear, like a child who doesn't want to be left alone for even a moment, and crawled on her knees behind him.
His purpose was to lock the door; but he was too late. The door opened before he could reach it, and Laure de Nangy entered. She seemed less surprised than exasperated, and did not utter an exclamation, but stooped a little to look with snapping eyes at the half-fainting woman on the floor; then, with a cold, bitter, scornful smile, she said:
His goal was to lock the door, but he was too late. The door swung open before he could get there, and Laure de Nangy walked in. She appeared more annoyed than surprised and didn’t gasp or cry out, but instead leaned down slightly to glare with sharp eyes at the nearly unconscious woman on the floor. Then, with a cold, bitter, mocking smile, she said:
"Madame Delmare, you seem to enjoy placing three persons in a very strange situation; but I thank you for assigning me the least ridiculous rôle of the three, and this is how I discharge it. Be good enough to retire."
"Madame Delmare, you really like putting three people in a very odd situation; but I appreciate you giving me the least ridiculous role of the three, and this is how I handle it. Please be kind enough to leave."
Indignation renewed Indiana's strength; she rose and drew herself up to her full height.
Indignation renewed Indiana's strength; she stood up tall and straight.
"Who is this woman, pray?" she said to Raymon, "and by what right does she give me orders in your house?"
"Who is this woman, anyway?" she asked Raymon. "And what right does she have to give me orders in your house?"
"You are in my house, madame," retorted Laure.
"You’re in my house, ma’am," replied Laure.
"Speak, in heaven's name, monsieur," cried Indiana fiercely, shaking the wretched man's arm; "tell me whether she is your mistress or your wife!"
"Speak, for heaven's sake, sir," Indiana exclaimed fiercely, shaking the poor man's arm; "tell me if she is your mistress or your wife!"
"She is my wife," Raymon replied with a dazed air.
"She is my wife," Raymon replied, looking dazed.
"I forgive your uncertainty," said Madame de Ramière with a cruel smile. "If you had remained where your duty required you to remain, you would have received cards to monsieur's marriage. Come, Raymon," she added in a tone of sarcastic amiability, "I am moved to pity by your embarrassment. You are rather young; you will realize now, I trust, that more prudence is advisable. I leave it for you to put an end to this absurd scene. I would laugh at it if you didn't look so utterly wretched."
"I forgive your uncertainty," said Madame de Ramière with a cruel smile. "If you had stayed where your duty demanded, you would have received invitations to Monsieur's wedding. Come on, Raymon," she added in a tone of sarcastic friendliness, "I feel pity for your embarrassment. You're quite young; I hope you understand now that more caution is wise. I’ll let you handle ending this ridiculous situation. I'd find it funny if you didn’t look so completely miserable."
With that she withdrew, well satisfied with the dignity she had displayed, and secretly triumphant because the incident had placed her husband in a position of inferiority and dependence with regard to her.
With that, she left, feeling pleased with the dignity she had shown, and secretly triumphant because the situation had put her husband in a position of inferiority and dependence on her.
When Indiana recovered the use of her faculties she was alone in a close carriage, being driven rapidly toward Paris.
When Indiana regained her senses, she found herself alone in a tight carriage, being driven quickly toward Paris.
XXIX
The carriage stopped at the barrier. A servant whom Madame Delmare recognized as a man who had formerly been in Raymon's service came to the door and asked where he should leave madame. Indiana instinctively gave the name and street number of the lodging-house at which she had slept the night before. On arriving there, she fell into a chair and remained there until morning, without a thought of going to bed, without moving, longing for death but too crushed, too inert to summon strength to kill herself. She believed that it was impossible to live after such terrible blows, and that death would of its own motion come in search of her. She remained there all the following day, taking no sustenance, making no reply to the offers of service that were made her.
The carriage stopped at the barrier. A servant whom Madame Delmare recognized as someone who had previously worked for Raymon came to the door and asked where he should drop off madame. Indiana instinctively gave the name and street address of the lodge where she had stayed the night before. Once she arrived there, she collapsed into a chair and stayed there until morning, with no intention of going to bed, without moving, longing for death but too overwhelmed and too numb to find the energy to end her own life. She thought it was impossible to go on living after such devastating events, believing that death would eventually come looking for her. She stayed there all day, refusing to eat and not responding to the offers of help that were given to her.
I do not know that there is anything more horrible on earth than life in a furnished lodging-house in Paris, especially when it is situated, as this one was, in a dark, narrow street, and only a dull, hazy light crawls regretfully, as it were, over the smoky ceilings and soiled windows. And then there is something chilly and repellent in the sight of the furniture to which you are unaccustomed and to which your idle glance turns in vain for a memory, a touch of sympathy. All those objects which belong, so to speak, to no one, because they belong to all comers; that room where no one has left any trace of his passage save now and then a strange name, found on a card in the mirror-frame; that mercenary roof, which has sheltered so many poor travellers, so many lonely strangers, with hospitality for none; which looks with indifference upon so many human agitations and can describe none of them: the discordant, never-ending noise from the street, which does not even allow you to sleep and thus escape grief or ennui: all these are causes of disgust and irritation even to one who does not bring to the horrible place such a frame of mind as Madame Delmare's. You ill-starred provincial, who have left your fields, your blue sky, your verdure, your house and your family, to come and shut yourself up in this dungeon of the mind and the heart—see Paris, lovely Paris, which in your dreams has seemed to you such a marvel of beauty! see it stretch away yonder, black with mud and rainy, as noisy and pestilent and rapid as a torrent of slime! There is the perpetual revel, always brilliant and perfumed, which was promised you; there are the intoxicating pleasures, the wonderful surprises, the treasures of sight and taste and hearing which were to contend for the possession of your passions and faculties, which are of limited capacity and powerless to enjoy them all at once! See, yonder, the affable, winning, hospitable Parisian, as he was described to you, always in a hurry, always careworn! Tired out before you have seen the whole of this ever-moving population, this inextricable labyrinth, you take refuge, overwhelmed with dismay, in the cheerful precincts of a furnished lodging-house, where, after hastily installing you, the only servant of a house that is often of immense size leaves you to die in peace, if fatigue or sorrow deprive you of the strength to attend to the thousand necessities of life.
I don’t think there’s anything worse than living in a furnished lodging house in Paris, especially when it’s located, like this one, in a dark, narrow street, and only a dull, hazy light reluctantly creeps across the dirty ceilings and grimy windows. There’s something cold and off-putting about the sight of unfamiliar furniture that your tired gaze looks at in vain for a memory or a hint of familiarity. All those things that feel like they belong to no one because they’re shared by everyone; that room where no one has left any trace of their presence aside from an occasional strange name on a card in the mirror frame; that unwelcoming roof which has sheltered countless weary travelers and lonely strangers with no real hospitality; which indifferently observes all the human struggles and can’t really understand them: the jarring, endless noise from the street that doesn’t even let you sleep and escape your sorrow or boredom: all these are sources of disgust and frustration even for someone who doesn’t approach this dreadful place with the same mindset as Madame Delmare. You unfortunate provincial, who’ve left your fields, your blue sky, your greenery, your home and family, to shut yourself away in this prison of the mind and heart—look at Paris, beautiful Paris, which seemed like such a marvel in your dreams! See how it sprawls out there, muddy and rainy, as noisy and unpleasant and fast-moving as a torrent of sludge! There’s the endless party, always vibrant and fragrant, that you were promised; there are the intoxicating pleasures, the amazing surprises, the treasures for your sight, taste and hearing all competing for your limited attention and ability to enjoy them all at once! Look, over there, at the friendly, charming Parisian you were told about, always rushed and worn out! Exhausted before you’ve even seen all of this ever-changing crowd and this complex maze, you seek refuge, overwhelmed by despair, in the bright confines of a furnished lodging house, where, after quickly settling you in, the only servant in a house that’s often vast leaves you to rest in peace, should fatigue or grief rob you of the strength to deal with the countless demands of life.
But to be a woman and to find oneself in such a place, spurned by everybody, three thousand leagues from all human affection; to be without money, which is much worse than being abandoned in a vast desert without water; to have in all one's past not a single happy memory that is not poisoned or withered, in the whole future not a single hope to divert one's thoughts from the emptiness of the present, is the last degree of misery and hopelessness. And so Madame Delmare, making no attempt to contend against a destiny that was fulfilled, against a broken, ruined life, submitted to the gnawings of hunger, fever and sorrow without uttering a complaint, without shedding a tear, without making an effort to die an hour earlier, to suffer an hour less.
But being a woman and finding yourself in such a situation, rejected by everyone, three thousand leagues away from any human affection; being without money, which is much worse than being abandoned in a vast desert without water; having not a single happy memory in your past that isn’t tainted or faded, with not a single hope in the future to distract you from the emptiness of the present, is the ultimate level of misery and hopelessness. And so Madame Delmare, not trying to fight against a fate that had already been sealed, against a broken, ruined life, accepted the agony of hunger, fever, and sorrow without complaining, without shedding a tear, without making an effort to die an hour sooner, to suffer an hour less.
They found her on the morning of the second day, lying on the floor, stiff with cold, with clenched teeth, blue lips and lustreless eyes; but she was not dead. The landlady examined her secretary and, seeing how poorly supplied it was, considered whether the hospital was not the proper place for this stranger, who certainly had not the means to pay the expenses of a long and costly illness. However, as she was a woman overflowing with humanity, she caused her to be put to bed and sent for a doctor to ascertain if the illness would last more than a day or two.
They found her on the morning of the second day, lying on the floor, cold, with clenched teeth, blue lips, and dull eyes; but she wasn’t dead. The landlady checked her secretary and, seeing how poorly stocked it was, wondered if the hospital was the right place for this stranger, who definitely couldn't afford the costs of a long and expensive illness. However, since she was a woman overflowing with humanity, she had her put to bed and called for a doctor to find out if the illness would last more than a day or two.
A doctor appeared who had not been sent for. Indiana, on opening her eyes, found him beside her bed. I need not tell you his name.
A doctor showed up who hadn’t been called. When Indiana opened her eyes, she found him next to her bed. I won’t mention his name.
"Oh! you here! you here!" she cried, throwing herself, almost fainting, on his breast. "You are my good angel! But you come too late, and I can do nothing for you except to die blessing you."
"Oh! You're here! You're here!" she exclaimed, collapsing almost fainting into his arms. "You’re my guardian angel! But you’ve come too late, and all I can do for you is to die while blessing you."
"You will not die, my dear," replied Ralph with deep emotion; "life may still smile upon you. The laws which interfered with your happiness no longer fetter your affection. I would have preferred to destroy the invincible spell which a man whom I neither like nor esteem has cast upon you; but that is not in my power, and I am tired of seeing you suffer. Hitherto your life has been perfectly frightful; it cannot be more so. Besides, even if my gloomy forebodings are realized and the happiness of which you have dreamed is destined to be of short duration, you will at least have enjoyed it for some little time, you will not die without a taste of it. So I sacrifice all my repugnance and dislike. The destiny which casts you, all alone as you are, into my arms, imposes upon me the duties of a father and a guardian toward you. I come to tell you that you are free and that you may unite your lot to Monsieur de Ramière's. Delmare is no more."
"You won't die, my dear," Ralph replied with deep emotion. "Life can still be good for you. The rules that got in the way of your happiness no longer limit your love. I wish I could break the unbreakable spell that a man I neither like nor respect has put on you, but that's beyond my ability, and I'm tired of watching you suffer. Until now, your life has been completely awful; it can't get any worse. Plus, even if my dark premonitions come true and the happiness you've dreamed of is short-lived, at least you'll experience it for a while—you won't leave this world without a taste of it. So, I set aside all my feelings of disgust and dislike. The fate that has thrown you, all alone, into my arms comes with the responsibilities of a father and a guardian toward you. I'm here to tell you that you're free, and you can join your life with Monsieur de Ramière's. Delmare is no more."
Tears rolled slowly down Ralph's cheeks while he was speaking. Indiana suddenly sat up in bed and cried, wringing her hands in despair:
Tears streamed down Ralph's face as he spoke. Indiana suddenly sat up in bed, crying and wringing her hands in despair:
"My husband is dead! and it was I who killed him! And you talk to me of the future and happiness, as if such a thing were possible for the heart that detests and despises itself! But be sure that God is just and that I am cursed. Monsieur de Ramière is married."
"My husband is dead! and I’m the one who killed him! And you talk to me about the future and happiness, as if that could ever be possible for a heart that hates and scorns itself! But know this: God is just, and I am cursed. Monsieur de Ramière is married."
She fell back, utterly exhausted, into her cousin's arms. They were unable to resume conversation until several hours later.
She fell back, completely exhausted, into her cousin's arms. They couldn’t start talking again until several hours later.
"Your justly disturbed conscience may be set at rest," said Ralph, in a solemn, but sad and gentle tone. "Delmare was at death's door when you deserted him: he did not wake from the sleep in which you left him, he never knew of your flight, he died without cursing you or weeping for you. Toward morning, when I woke from the heavy sleep into which I had fallen beside his bed, I found his face purple and he was burning hot and breathing stertorously in his sleep; he was already stricken with apoplexy. I ran to your room and was surprised not to find you there; but I had no time to try to discover the explanation of your absence; I was not seriously alarmed about it until after Delmare's death. Everything that skill could do was of no avail, the disease progressed with startling rapidity, and he died an hour later, in my arms, without recovering the use of his senses. At the last moment, however, his benumbed, clouded mind seemed to make an effort to come to life; he felt for my hand which he took for yours—his were already stiff and numb—he tried to press it, and died, stammering your name."
"Your understandably troubled conscience can be at ease," Ralph said, in a serious yet sad and gentle tone. "Delmare was on his deathbed when you left him: he didn’t wake up from the sleep you left him in, he never knew you were gone, and he died without cursing you or crying for you. Toward morning, when I woke from the deep sleep I had fallen into beside his bed, I found his face purple; he was burning up and breathing heavily in his sleep; he was already suffering from a stroke. I ran to your room and was surprised to find you missing; I didn’t have time to figure out why you were gone; I wasn't really worried until after Delmare's death. Everything that could be done was useless; the illness progressed alarmingly fast, and he died an hour later in my arms, without regaining his senses. In his final moments, however, his numb, clouded mind seemed to struggle to awaken; he reached for my hand, thinking it was yours—his were already stiff and cold—he tried to squeeze it, and died while stammering your name."
"I heard his last words," said Indiana gloomily; "at the moment that I left him forever, he spoke to me in his sleep. 'That man will ruin you,' he said. Those words are here," she added, putting one hand to her heart and the other to her head.
"I heard his last words," Indiana said sadly; "just as I was leaving him for good, he spoke to me in his sleep. 'That man will ruin you,' he said. Those words are right here," she added, placing one hand on her heart and the other on her head.
"When I succeeded in taking my eyes and my thoughts from that dead body," continued Ralph, "I thought of you; of you, Indiana, who were free thenceforth, and who could not weep for your master unless from kindness of heart or religious feeling. I was the only one whom his death deprived of something, for I was his friend, and, even if he was not always very sociable, at all events I had no rival in his heart. I feared the effect of breaking the news to you too suddenly, and I went to the door to wait for you, thinking that you would soon return from your morning walk. I waited a long while. I will not attempt to describe my anxiety, my search, and my alarm when I found Ophelia's body, all bleeding and bruised by the rocks; the waves had washed it upon the beach. I looked a long while, alas! expecting to discover yours; for I thought that you had taken your own life, and for three days I believed that there was nothing left on earth for me to love. It is useless to speak of my grief; you must have foreseen it when you abandoned me.
"When I finally managed to pull my gaze and my thoughts away from that dead body," Ralph continued, "I thought of you; you, Indiana, who were now free, and who could only weep for your master out of kindness or faith. I was the only one who lost something because of his death, since I was his friend, and even though he wasn’t always very friendly, I didn’t have to compete for his affection. I was worried about how abruptly to tell you the news, so I went to the door to wait for you, thinking you’d be back from your morning walk soon. I waited a long time. I won’t try to describe my anxiety, my search, and my panic when I found Ophelia’s body, all bleeding and battered by the rocks; the waves had washed it up on the beach. I looked for a long time, sadly expecting to find yours; I thought you had taken your own life, and for three days I believed there was nothing left for me to love in this world. There’s no use talking about my sorrow; you must have seen it coming when you left me."
"Meanwhile, a rumor that you had fled spread swiftly through the colony. A vessel came into port that had passed the Eugène in Mozambique Channel; some of the ship's company had been aboard your ship. A passenger had recognized you, and in less than three days the whole island knew of your departure.
"Meanwhile, a rumor that you had escaped spread quickly through the colony. A ship arrived at port that had passed the Eugène in the Mozambique Channel; some of the crew had been on your ship. A passenger recognized you, and in less than three days the entire island was aware of your departure."
"I spare you the absurd and insulting reports that resulted from the coincidence of those two events on the same night, your flight and your husband's death. I was not spared in the charitable conclusions that people amused themselves by drawing; but I paid no attention to them. I had still one duty to perform on earth, to make sure of your welfare and to lend you a helping hand if necessary. I sailed soon after you; but I had a horrible voyage and have been in France only a week. My first thought was to go to Monsieur de Ramière to inquire about you; but by good luck I met his servant Carle, who had just brought you here. I asked him no questions except where you were living, and I came here with the conviction that I should not find you alone."
"I won’t bother you with the absurd and insulting rumors that came from the coincidence of those two events on the same night: your flight and your husband's death. I wasn’t spared from the charitable conclusions that people entertained themselves with; but I ignored them. I still had one duty to fulfill on this earth: to ensure your well-being and to offer you a helping hand if needed. I set sail shortly after you; however, I had a dreadful journey and have only been in France for a week. My first thought was to go to Monsieur de Ramière to ask about you; but thankfully, I ran into his servant Carle, who had just brought you here. I didn't ask him any questions except where you were living, and I came here believing that I wouldn’t find you alone."
"Alone, alone! shamefully abandoned!" cried Madame Delmare. "But let us not speak of that man, let us never speak of him. I can never love him again, for I despise him; but you must not tell me that I once loved him, for that reminds me of my shame and my crime; it casts a terrible reproach upon my last moments. Ah! be my angel of consolation; you who never fail to come and offer me a friendly hand in all the crises of my miserable life. Fulfil with pity your last mission; say to me words of affection and forgiveness, so that I may die at peace, and hope for pardon from the Judge who awaits me on high."
"Alone, alone! utterly abandoned!" cried Madame Delmare. "But let’s not talk about that man, let’s never mention him. I can never love him again because I despise him; but don’t remind me that I once loved him, because that brings me back to my shame and my wrongdoing; it casts a heavy shadow over my final moments. Ah! be my source of comfort; you who always come and lend me a helping hand in all the crises of my miserable life. Fulfill your last mission with kindness; speak to me words of affection and forgiveness, so I can die at peace and hope for mercy from the Judge who awaits me above."
She hoped to die; but grief rivets the chain of life instead of breaking it. She was not even dangerously ill; she simply had no strength, and lapsed into a state of languor and apathy which resembled imbecility.
She wished she could die; but grief strengthens the bond of life rather than shattering it. She wasn’t even seriously ill; she just had no energy and fell into a state of weakness and indifference that felt like idiocy.
Ralph tried to distract her; he took her away from everything that could remind her of Raymon. He took her to Touraine, he surrounded her with all the comforts of life; he devoted all his time to making a portion of hers endurable; and when he failed, when he had exhausted all the resources of his art and his affection without bringing a feeble gleam of pleasure to that gloomy, careworn face, he deplored the powerlessness of his words and blamed himself bitterly for the ineptitude of his affection.
Ralph tried to take her mind off things; he removed her from anything that might remind her of Raymon. He brought her to Touraine, surrounded her with all the comforts of life, and dedicated his time to making part of her experience bearable. And when he couldn’t succeed, after using all his skills and affection without getting so much as a faint smile from that sorrowful, tired face, he regretted the limitations of his words and scolded himself harshly for the shortcomings of his love.
One day he found her more crushed and hopeless than ever. He dared not speak to her, but sat down beside her with a melancholy air. Thereupon, Indiana turned to him and said, pressing his hand tenderly:
One day, he found her feeling more defeated and hopeless than ever. He didn't dare to speak to her but sat down next to her with a sad demeanor. Then, Indiana turned to him and said, gently squeezing his hand:
"I cause you a vast deal of pain, poor Ralph! and you must be patient beyond words to endure the spectacle of such egotistical, cowardly misery as mine! Your unpleasant task was finished long ago. The most insanely exacting woman could not ask of friendship more than you have done for me. Now leave me to the misery that is gnawing at my heart; do not spoil your pure and holy life by contact with an accursed life; try to find elsewhere the happiness which cannot exist near me."
"I bring you a lot of pain, poor Ralph! You must be incredibly patient to watch this selfish, cowardly misery of mine! Your difficult job ended a long time ago. No one could ask for more from a friend than what you've done for me. Now, please leave me to the suffering that's eating away at my heart; don't ruin your pure and good life by being around someone as cursed as I am; try to find happiness somewhere else, where it can't exist near me."
"I do in fact give up all hope of curing you, Indiana," he replied; "but I will never abandon you even if you should tell me that I annoy you; for you still require bodily care, and if you are not willing that I should be your friend, I will at all events be your servant. But listen to me; I have an expedient to propose to you which I have kept in reserve for the last stage of the disease, but which certainly is infallible."
"I really do give up all hope of curing you, Indiana," he said; "but I will never leave you, even if you tell me that I'm annoying you; because you still need physical care, and if you don't want me to be your friend, I will at least be your servant. But hear me out; I have a solution to suggest to you that I've been holding back for the final stage of the illness, but it’s definitely foolproof."
"I know but one remedy for sorrow," she replied, "and that is forgetting; for I have had time to convince myself that argument is unavailing. Let us hope everything from time, therefore. If my will could obey the gratitude which you inspire in me, I should be now as cheerful and calm as in the days of our childhood; believe me, my friend, I take no pleasure in nourishing my trouble and inflaming my wound; do I not know that all my sufferings rebound on your heart? Alas! I would like to forget, to be cured! but I am only a weak woman. Ralph, be patient and do not think me ungrateful."
"I only know one way to deal with sorrow," she said, "and that’s to forget; I’ve realized that arguing doesn’t help. So, let’s hope everything improves with time. If I could let my gratitude for you guide me, I would be as cheerful and calm as we were in our childhood; believe me, my friend, I gain nothing from holding onto my pain and making my wounds worse. Don’t I know that all my suffering affects your heart too? Oh! I wish I could forget and heal! But I’m just a weak woman. Ralph, please be patient and don’t think I’m ungrateful."
She burst into tears. Sir Ralph took her hand.
She started crying. Sir Ralph took her hand.
"Listen, dear Indiana," he said; "to forget is not in our power; I do not accuse you! I can suffer patiently; but to see you suffer is beyond my strength. Indeed, why should we struggle thus, weak creatures that we are, against a destiny of iron? It is quite enough to drag this cannon-ball; the God whom you and I adore did not condemn man to undergo so much misery without giving him the instinct to escape from it; and what constitutes, in my opinion, man's most marked superiority over the brute is his ability to understand what the remedy is for all his ills. The remedy is suicide; that is what I propose, what I advise."
"Listen, dear Indiana," he said, "forgetting isn’t something we can control; I'm not blaming you! I can endure patiently, but seeing you in pain is more than I can handle. Really, why should we fight like this, as fragile beings against an unyielding fate? Carrying this weight is already too much. The God we both worship didn’t create humans to endure so much suffering without giving us the instinct to find a way out; and what defines, in my view, humanity's greatest strength over animals is our ability to recognize the cure for all our pain. The cure is suicide; that’s what I’m suggesting, what I’m recommending."
"I have often thought of it," Indiana replied after a short silence. "Long ago I was violently tempted to resort to it, but religious scruples arrested me. Since then my ideas have reached a higher level, in solitude. Misfortune clung to me and gradually taught me a different religion from that taught by men. When you came to my assistance I had determined to allow myself to die of hunger; but you begged me to live, and I had not the right to refuse you that sacrifice. Now, what holds me back is your existence, your future. What will you do all alone, poor Ralph, without family, without passions, without affections? Since I have received these horrible wounds in my heart I am no longer good for anything to you; but perhaps I shall recover. Yes, Ralph, I will do my utmost, I swear. Have patience a little longer; soon, perhaps, I shall be able to smile. I long to become tranquil and light-hearted once more in order to devote to you this life for which you have fought so stoutly with misfortune."
"I've thought about it a lot," Indiana said after a brief pause. "A long time ago, I was really tempted to go for it, but my religious beliefs stopped me. Since then, I've grown in a different way during my time alone. Misfortune stuck with me and slowly taught me a different kind of faith than what people usually preach. When you came to help me, I had decided to let myself starve; but you asked me to keep living, and I couldn't deny you that. Now, what keeps me going is your presence, your future. What will you do all alone, poor Ralph, without family, without desires, without connections? Ever since I got these terrible wounds in my heart, I feel useless to you; but maybe I'll get better. Yes, Ralph, I promise I'll do my best. Please be patient a little longer; soon, I might be able to smile again. I yearn to feel peaceful and cheerful once more so I can dedicate this life to you, the life you've fought so hard for against all odds."
"No, my dear, no; I do not desire such a sacrifice; I will never accept it," said Ralph. "Wherein is my life more precious than yours, pray? Why must you inflict a hateful future upon yourself in order that mine may be pleasant? Do you think that it will be possible for me to enjoy it while feeling that your heart has no share in it? No, I am not so selfish as that. Let us not attempt, I beg you, an impossible heroism; it is overweening pride and presumption to hope to renounce all self-love thus. Let us view our situation calmly and dispose of our remaining days as common property which neither of us has the right to appropriate at the other's expense. For a long time, ever since my birth, I may say, life has been a bore and a burden to me; now I no longer feel the courage to endure it without bitterness of heart and impiety. Let us go together; let us return to God, who exiled us in this world of trials, in this vale of tears, but who will surely not refuse to open His arms to us when, bruised and weary, we go to Him and implore His indulgence and His mercy. I believe in God, Indiana, and it was I who first taught you to believe in Him. So have confidence in me; an upright heart cannot deceive one who questions it with sincerity. I feel that we have both suffered enough here on earth to be cleansed of our sins. The baptism of unhappiness has surely purified our souls sufficiently; let us give them back to Him who gave them."
"No, my dear, no; I don't want such a sacrifice; I will never accept it," said Ralph. "In what way is my life more valuable than yours? Why must you create a miserable future for yourself just so that mine can be enjoyable? Do you really think I can enjoy it while knowing that your heart isn't part of it? No, I'm not that selfish. Let's not try, I beg you, to do something impossible; it's excessive pride to think we can renounce all self-love like that. Let's look at our situation calmly and treat our remaining days as something we both share, which neither of us has the right to take from the other. For a long time, since I was born, life has been tiring and burdensome for me; I can no longer bear it without bitterness and doubt. Let's go together; let's return to God, who sent us here to this world of challenges and sorrow, but who will surely welcome us back when we, bruised and exhausted, come to Him asking for His understanding and mercy. I believe in God, Indiana, and I was the one who first encouraged you to believe in Him. So trust me; a sincere heart cannot lie to one who asks it honestly. I feel that we've both suffered enough here on earth to be cleansed of our sins. The pain we've endured has surely purified our souls; let's return them to Him who gave them to us."
This idea engrossed Ralph and Indiana for several days, at the end of which it was decided that they should commit suicide together. It only remained to choose what sort of death they would die.
This idea consumed Ralph and Indiana for several days, and by the end, they decided they would end their lives together. All that was left was to choose how they would die.
"It is a matter of some importance," said Ralph; "but I have already considered it, and this is what I have to suggest. The act that we are about to undertake not being the result of a momentary mental aberration, but of a deliberate determination formed after calm and pious reflection, it is important that we should bring to it the meditative seriousness of a Catholic receiving the sacraments of his Church. For us the universe is the temple in which we adore God. In the bosom of majestic, virgin nature we are impressed by the consciousness of His power, pure of all human profanation. Let us go back to the desert, therefore, so that we may be able to pray. Here, in this country swarming with men and vices, in the bosom of this civilization which denies God or disfigures Him, I feel that I should be ill at ease, distraught and depressed. I would like to die cheerfully, with a serene brow and with my eyes gazing heavenward. But where can we find heaven here? I will tell you, therefore, the spot where suicide appeared to me in its noblest and most solemn aspect. It is in Ile Bourbon, on the verge of a precipice, on the summit of the cliff from which the transparent cascade, surmounted by a gorgeous rainbow, plunges into the lonely ravine of Bernica. That is where we passed the sweetest hours of our childhood; that is where I bewailed the bitterest sorrows of my life; that is where I learned to pray, to hope; that is where I would like, during one of the lovely nights of that latitude, to bury myself in those pure waters and go down into the cool, flower-decked grave formed by the depths of the verdure-lined abyss. If you have no predilection for any other spot, give me the satisfaction of offering up our twofold sacrifice on the spot which witnessed the games of our childhood and the sorrows of our youth."
"It's pretty important," Ralph said. "I've already thought about it, and here's what I suggest. The action we're about to take isn't just a spur-of-the-moment decision; it's a choice we've made after thoughtful and sincere reflection. It's essential that we approach it with the serious mindset of a Catholic receiving sacraments. To us, the universe is the temple where we worship God. In the midst of magnificent, untouched nature, we feel His power, free from any human corruption. So, let's go back to the wilderness, where we can pray. Here, in this land filled with people and vices, surrounded by a civilization that either rejects or distorts God, I feel uneasy, anxious, and down. I want to die peacefully, with a calm face and my eyes looking up to heaven. But where can we find heaven here? So, I'll tell you the place where the idea of suicide seemed the most noble and serious to me. It's in Ile Bourbon, on the edge of a cliff, at the top where a clear waterfall, topped by a stunning rainbow, falls into the lonely ravine of Bernica. That’s where we spent the best days of our childhood; that’s where I mourned the deepest sorrows of my life; that’s where I learned to pray and hope; that’s where I’d like to, during one of those beautiful nights, immerse myself in those pure waters and rest in the cool, flower-filled grave created by the depths of the green-lined abyss. If you have no special attachment to any other place, please let me have the satisfaction of making our shared sacrifice in the spot that witnessed our childhood games and the sorrows of our youth."
"I agree," said Madame Delmare, placing her hand in Ralph's to seal the compact. "I have always been drawn to the banks of the stream by an invincible attraction, by the memory of my poor Noun. To die as she died will be sweet to me; it will be an atonement for her death, which I caused."
"I agree," said Madame Delmare, taking Ralph's hand to seal the deal. "I've always felt a strong pull to the riverbank, haunted by memories of my poor Noun. Dying the way she did would bring me peace; it would atone for her death, which I caused."
"Moreover," said Ralph, "another sea voyage, made under the influence of other feelings than those which have agitated us hitherto, is the best preparation we could imagine for communing with ourselves, for detaching ourselves from earthly affections, for raising ourselves in unalloyed purity to the feet of the Supreme Being. Isolated from the whole world, always ready to leave this life with glad hearts, we shall watch with enchanted eyes the tempest arouse the elements and unfold its magnificent spectacles before us. Come, Indiana, let us go; let us shake the dust of this ungrateful land from our feet. To die here, under Raymon's eyes, would be to all appearance a mere commonplace, cowardly revenge. Let us leave that man's punishment to God; and let us go and beseech Him to open the treasures of His mercy to that barren and ungrateful heart."
"Plus," Ralph said, "another sea voyage, propelled by feelings different from the ones that have stirred us so far, is the best way we can prepare to reflect on ourselves, to detach from earthly attachments, and to elevate ourselves in pure devotion to the Supreme Being. Isolated from the world, always ready to leave this life with joyful hearts, we’ll watch in awe as the storm stirs the elements and reveals its breathtaking displays before us. Come, Indiana, let’s go; let’s shake off the dust of this thankless land from our feet. Dying here, under Raymon's gaze, would seem like a mere ordinary and cowardly act of revenge. Let’s leave that man’s punishment to God; and let’s go and ask Him to show mercy to that empty and ungrateful heart."
They left France. The schooner Nahandove, as fleet and nimble as a bird, bore them to their twice-abandoned country. Never was there so pleasant and fast a passage. It seemed as if a favorable wind had undertaken to guide safely into port those two ill-fated beings who had been tossed about so long among the reefs and shoals of life. During those three months Indiana reaped the fruit of her docile compliance with Ralph's advice. The sea air, so bracing and so penetrating, restored her impaired health; a wave of peace overflowed her wearied heart. The certainty that she would soon have done with her sufferings produced upon her the effect of a doctor's assurances upon a credulous patient. Forgetting her past life, she opened her heart to the profound emotions of religious hope. Her thoughts were all impregnated with a mysterious charm, a celestial perfume. Never had the sea and sky seemed to her so beautiful. It seemed to her that she saw them for the first time, she discovered so many new splendors and glories in them. Her brow became serene once more, and one would have said that a ray of the Divine essence had passed into her sweetly melancholy eyes.
They left France. The schooner Nahandove, quick and agile like a bird, took them back to their twice-abandoned homeland. The journey was the most pleasant and swift one imaginable. It felt as though a favorable wind was helping guide those two unfortunate souls safely to shore after being tossed around for so long among the hardships of life. During those three months, Indiana enjoyed the benefits of following Ralph's advice. The fresh sea air, so invigorating and penetrating, restored her weakened health; a wave of peace filled her tired heart. The certainty that she would soon be free from her suffering had the same effect on her as a doctor's reassurance has on a gullible patient. Forgetting her past, she opened her heart to the deep emotions of religious hope. Her thoughts were infused with a mysterious charm, a heavenly fragrance. The sea and sky had never appeared so beautiful to her. It felt as if she was seeing them for the first time, discovering countless new wonders and glories in them. Her brow relaxed once again, and it seemed as though a ray of the Divine had passed into her sweetly melancholic eyes.
A change no less extraordinary took place in Ralph's soul and in his outward aspect; the same causes produced almost the same results. His heart, so long hardened against sorrow, softened in the revivifying warmth of hope. Heaven descended also into that bitter, wounded heart. His words took on the stamp of his feelings and for the first time Indiana became acquainted with his real character. The reverent, filial intimacy that bound them together took from the one his painful shyness, from the other her unjust prejudices. Every day cured Ralph of some gaucherie of his nature, Indiana of some error of her judgment. At the same time the painful memory of Raymon faded away and gradually vanished in face of Ralph's unsuspected virtues, his sublime sincerity. As the one grew greater in her estimation, the other fell away. At last, by dint of comparing the two men, every vestige of her blind and fatal love was effaced from her heart.
A change just as extraordinary happened in Ralph's soul and his appearance; the same factors brought about almost the same results. His heart, which had long been hardened against sorrow, softened in the refreshing warmth of hope. Heaven also entered that bitter, wounded heart. His words reflected his feelings, and for the first time, Indiana saw his true character. The respectful, close connection that bound them together eased his painful shyness and her unfair prejudices. Each day helped Ralph overcome some awkwardness in his nature and Indiana to correct some mistakes in her judgment. At the same time, the painful memory of Raymon faded away and gradually disappeared in light of Ralph's unexpected virtues and his genuine sincerity. As one grew more significant in her view, the other diminished. Eventually, by comparing the two men, every trace of her blind and harmful love was erased from her heart.
XXX
It was last year, one evening during the never-ending summer that reigns in those latitudes, that two passengers from the schooner Nahandove journeyed into the mountains of Ile Bourbon three days after landing. These two persons had devoted the interval to repose, a precaution quite inconsistent with the plan which had brought them to the colony. But such was evidently not their opinion; for, after taking faham together on the veranda, they dressed with especial care as if they intended to pass the evening in society, and, taking the road to the mountain, they reached the ravine of Bernica after about an hour's walk.
It was last year, one evening during the seemingly endless summer that lasts in those parts, that two passengers from the schooner Nahandove made their way into the mountains of Ile Bourbon three days after arriving. These two individuals had spent that time resting, a choice that was quite contradictory to the purpose that had brought them to the colony. But they clearly didn't see it that way; after having faham together on the veranda, they dressed very carefully as if they were going out for the evening, and headed towards the mountains, reaching the Bernica ravine after about an hour's walk.
Chance willed that it should be one of the loveliest evenings for which the moon ever furnished light in the tropics. That luminary had just risen from the dark waves and was beginning to cast a long band of quick-silver on the sea; but its rays did not shine into the gorge, and the edges of the basin reflected only the trembling gleam of a few stars. Even the lemon-trees on the higher slopes of the mountain were not covered with the pale diamonds with which the moon sprinkles their polished, brittle leaves. The ebony trees and the tamarinds murmured softly in the darkness; only the bushy tufts at the summit of the huge palm-trees, whose slender trunks rose a hundred feet from the ground, shone with a greenish tinge in the silvery beams.
Chance had it that it was one of the most beautiful evenings ever illuminated by the moon in the tropics. That celestial body had just risen from the dark waves and was starting to cast a long shimmer on the sea; however, its rays didn’t reach the gorge, and the edges of the basin only reflected the faint glimmer of a few stars. Even the lemon trees on the higher slopes of the mountain were not adorned with the pale diamonds that the moon sprinkles on their shiny, fragile leaves. The ebony trees and tamarinds whispered softly in the darkness; only the bushy tops at the summit of the tall palm trees, whose slender trunks rose a hundred feet from the ground, glimmered with a greenish hue in the silvery light.
The sea-birds were resting quietly in the crevices of the cliffs, and only a few blue pigeons, concealed behind the projections of the mountain, raised their melancholy, passionate note in the distance. Lovely beetles, living jewels, rustled gently in the branches of the coffee-trees, or skimmed the surface of the lake with a buzzing noise, and the regular plashing of the cascade seemed to exchange mysterious words with the echoes on its shores.
The seabirds were quietly resting in the cracks of the cliffs, and only a few blue pigeons, hidden behind the mountain's edges, called out their sad, passionate tones in the distance. Beautiful beetles, like living jewels, rustled softly in the branches of the coffee trees or buzzed as they skimmed the surface of the lake, while the steady splashing of the waterfall seemed to share secret conversations with the echoes along its shores.
The two solitary promenaders ascended by a steep and winding path to the top of the gorge, to the spot where the torrent plunges down in a white column of vapor to the foot of the precipice. They found themselves on a small platform admirably adapted to their purpose. A number of convolvuli hanging from the trunks of trees formed a natural cradle suspended over the waterfall. Sir Ralph, with wonderful self-possession, cut away several branches which might impede their spring, then took his companion's hand and drew her to a seat beside him on a moss-covered rock from which in the daytime the beautiful view from that spot could be seen in all its wild and charming grandeur. But at that moment the darkness and the dense vapor from the cascade enveloped everything and made the height of the precipice seem immeasurable and awe-inspiring.
The two lone walkers climbed a steep, winding path to the top of the gorge, reaching the spot where the waterfall plunges down in a white column of mist at the base of the cliff. They found themselves on a small platform perfectly suited to their purpose. Several morning glories hanging from the tree trunks created a natural cradle over the waterfall. Sir Ralph, remarkably composed, trimmed away a few branches that might block their jump, then took his companion's hand and guided her to a seat next to him on a mossy rock, from which the stunning view of the landscape could be appreciated in all its wild beauty during the day. But at that moment, the darkness and thick mist from the waterfall enveloped everything, making the height of the cliff seem endless and impressive.
"Let me remind you, my dear Indiana," said Ralph, "that the success of our undertaking requires the greatest self-possession on our part. If you jump hastily in a direction where, because of the darkness, you see no obstacles, you will inevitably bruise yourself on the rocks and your death will be slow and painful; but, if you take care to throw yourself in the direction of the white line which marks the course of the waterfall you will fall into the lake with it, and the water itself will see to it that you do not miss your aim. But, if you prefer to wait an hour, the moon will rise high enough to give us light."
"Let me remind you, my dear Indiana," Ralph said, "that for us to succeed in what we’re doing, we need to stay as calm as possible. If you rush in a direction where you can’t see any obstacles because of the darkness, you’ll end up hurting yourself on the rocks, and your death will be slow and painful. But if you carefully position yourself towards the white line that indicates the path of the waterfall, you’ll fall into the lake along with it, and the water will ensure you hit your target. However, if you prefer to wait an hour, the moon will rise high enough to give us some light."
"I am willing," Indiana replied, "especially as we ought to devote these last moments to religious thoughts."
"I’m willing," Indiana replied, "especially since we should use these last moments for some spiritual reflection."
"You are right, my dear," said Ralph. "This last hour should be one of meditation and prayer. I do not say that we ought to make our peace with the Eternal, that would be to forget the distance that separates us from His sublime power; but we ought, I think, to make our peace with the men who have caused our suffering, and to confide to the wind which blows toward the northeast words of pity for those from whom three thousand leagues of ocean separate us."
"You’re right, my dear," Ralph said. "This last hour should be for reflection and prayer. I’m not saying we should try to reconcile with the Eternal, that would mean ignoring the distance between us and His incredible power; but I believe we should make peace with the people who have caused our pain, and send our feelings of compassion on the wind that’s blowing toward the northeast for those who are three thousand leagues away across the ocean."
Indiana received this suggestion without surprise or emotion. For several months past her thoughts had become more and more elevated in direct proportion to the change that had taken place in Ralph. She no longer listened to him simply as a phlegmatic adviser; she followed him in silence as a good spirit whose mission it was to take her from the earth and deliver her from her torments.
Indiana took this suggestion in stride, without any surprise or emotion. For the past few months, her thoughts had been rising more and more as Ralph changed. She didn’t just listen to him as a calm advisor anymore; she followed him quietly like a guiding spirit whose purpose was to lift her from the earth and free her from her suffering.
"I agree," she said; "I am overjoyed to feel that I can forgive without an effort, that I have neither hatred nor regret nor love nor resentment in my heart; indeed, at this moment, I hardly remember the sorrows of my sad life and the ingratitude of those who surrounded me. Almighty God! Thou seest the deepest recesses of my heart; Thou knowest that it is pure and calm, and that all my thoughts of love and hope have turned to Thee."
"I agree," she said. "I'm so happy to feel that I can forgive easily, that I have no hatred, regret, love, or resentment in my heart. Honestly, at this moment, I can barely remember the sorrows of my sad life and the ingratitude of those around me. Almighty God! You see the deepest parts of my heart; You know it's pure and calm, and that all my thoughts of love and hope have turned to You."
Thereupon, Ralph seated himself at Indiana's feet and began to pray in a loud voice that rose above the roar of the cascade. It was the first time perhaps since he was born that his whole thought came to his lips. The hour of his death had struck; his heart was no longer held in check by fetters or mysteries; it belonged to God alone; the chains of society no longer weighed it down. Its ardor was no longer a crime, it was free to soar upward to God who awaited it; the veil that concealed so much virtue, grandeur and power fell away, and the man's mind rose at its first leap to the level of his heart.
Then, Ralph sat down at Indiana's feet and started to pray loudly, his voice rising above the roar of the waterfall. It was perhaps the first time in his life that all his thoughts poured out. The moment of his death had arrived; his heart was unbound by constraints or secrets; it belonged to God alone; the pressures of society no longer held it down. His passion was no longer a sin; it was free to rise up to God, who awaited it; the veil that hid so much virtue, greatness, and power fell away, and the man's mind soared for the first time, reaching the same height as his heart.
As a bright flame burns amid dense clouds of smoke and scatters them, so did the sacred fire that glowed in the depths of his being send forth its brilliant light. The first time that that inflexible conscience found itself delivered from its trammels and its fears, words came of themselves to the assistance of his thoughts, and the man of mediocre talents, who had never said any but commonplace things in his life, became, in his last hour, eloquent and convincing as Raymon had never been. Do not expect me to repeat to you the strange harangue that he confided to the echoes of the vast solitude; not even he himself, if he were here, could repeat it. There are moments of mental exaltation and ecstasy when our thoughts are purified, subtilized, etherealized as it were. These infrequent moments raise us so high, carry us so far out of ourselves, that when we fall back upon the earth we lose all consciousness and memory of that intellectual debauch. Who can understand the anchorite's mysterious visions? Who can tell the dreams of the poet before his exaltation cooled so that he could write them down for us? Who can say what marvellous things are revealed to the soul of the just man when Heaven opens to receive him? Ralph, a man so utterly commonplace to all outward appearance—and yet an exceptional man, for he firmly believed in God and consulted the book of his conscience day by day—Ralph at that moment was adjusting his accounts with eternity. It was the time to be himself, to lay bare his whole moral being, to lay aside, before the Judge, the disguise that men had forced upon him. Casting away the haircloth in which sorrow had enveloped his bones, he stood forth sublime and radiant as if he had already entered into the abode of divine rewards.
As a bright flame burns through thick clouds of smoke and disperses them, so did the sacred fire glowing within him emit its brilliant light. When his rigid conscience finally broke free from its restraints and fears, words came naturally to support his thoughts, and the man of average talent, who had always spoken only in clichés, became, in his final moments, eloquent and convincing in a way Raymon had never been. Don't expect me to recount the strange speech he shared with the echoes of the vast emptiness; not even he, if he were here, could repeat it. There are moments of intense mental clarity and ecstasy when our thoughts become pure, refined, almost ethereal. These rare moments lift us so high, take us so far from ourselves, that when we return to reality, we lose all awareness and memory of that intellectual indulgence. Who can understand the hermit's mysterious visions? Who can describe the poet's dreams before their excitement fades enough to be written down? Who can tell what marvelous truths are revealed to the soul of the righteous person when Heaven opens to welcome them? Ralph, a man who seemed completely ordinary on the outside—and yet was exceptional because he firmly believed in God and consulted the book of his conscience every day—was, at that moment, settling his accounts with eternity. It was time to be true to himself, to reveal his entire moral essence, to cast off, before the Judge, the mask that society had forced upon him. Shedding the rough garment of sorrow that had wrapped around him, he stood forth sublime and radiant as if he had already entered the realm of divine rewards.
As she listened to him, it did not occur to Indiana to be surprised; she did not ask herself if it were really Ralph who talked like that. The Ralph she had known had ceased to exist, and he to whom she was listening now seemed to be a friend whom she had formerly seen in her dreams and who finally became incarnate for her on the brink of the grave. She felt her own pure soul soar upward in the same flight. A profound religious sympathy aroused in her the same emotions, and tears of enthusiasm fell from her eyes upon Ralph's hair.
As she listened to him, Indiana didn’t think to be surprised; she didn’t wonder if it was really Ralph speaking like that. The Ralph she had known was gone, and the person she was listening to now felt like a friend she had once seen in her dreams, finally coming to life for her at the edge of death. She felt her own pure soul rise in the same spirit. A deep religious connection stirred similar emotions in her, and tears of excitement fell from her eyes onto Ralph's hair.
Thereupon, the moon rose over the tops of the great palms, and its beams, shining between the branches of the convolvuli, enveloped Indiana in a pale, misty light which made her resemble, in her white dress and with her long hair falling over her shoulders, the wraith of some maiden lost in the desert.
Thereupon, the moon rose over the tops of the tall palm trees, and its beams, shining through the branches of the vines, surrounded Indiana in a soft, hazy light that made her look like the ghost of a young woman lost in the desert, with her white dress and long hair flowing over her shoulders.
Sir Ralph knelt before her and said:
Sir Ralph knelt in front of her and said:
"Now, Indiana, you must forgive me for all the injury I have done you, so that I may forgive myself for it."
"Now, Indiana, you have to forgive me for all the harm I've caused you, so that I can forgive myself for it."
"Alas!" she replied, "what can I possibly have to forgive you, my poor Ralph? Ought I not, on the contrary, to bless you to the last moment of my life, as you have forced me to do in all the days of misery that have fallen to my lot?"
"Sadly!" she replied, "what could I possibly have to forgive you for, my poor Ralph? Shouldn’t I, on the contrary, be grateful to you for the rest of my life, since you’ve made me do that throughout all the tough days I’ve faced?"
"I do not know how far I have been blameworthy," rejoined Ralph; "but it is impossible that, in the course of such a long and terrible battle with my destiny, I should not have been many times without my own volition."
"I’m not sure how much I’m to blame," replied Ralph; "but it’s impossible that, throughout such a long and terrible struggle with my fate, I haven’t acted against my own will many times."
"Of what battle are you speaking?" queried Indiana.
"Which battle are you talking about?" asked Indiana.
"That is what I must explain to you before we die; that is the secret of my life. You asked me to tell it to you on the ship that brought us here, and I promised to do so on the shore of Bernica Lake, when the moon should rise upon us for the last time."
"That's what I need to explain to you before we die; that's the secret of my life. You asked me to share it with you on the ship that brought us here, and I promised to do so on the shore of Bernica Lake, when the moon rises over us for the last time."
"That moment has come," she said, "and I am listening."
"That moment is here," she said, "and I'm listening."
"Summon all your patience then, for I have a long story to tell you, Indiana, and that story is my own."
"Gather all your patience, because I have a long story to share with you, Indiana, and that story is about me."
"I thought that I knew it, inasmuch as I have hardly ever been separated from you."
"I thought I knew it, since I've hardly ever been apart from you."
"You do not know it; you do not know it for a single day, a single hour," said Ralph sadly. "When could I have told it to you, pray? It is Heaven's will that the only suitable moment for me to do so, should be the last moment of your life and my own. But it is as innocent and proper to-day as it would formerly have been insane and criminal. It is a personal gratification for which no one has the right to blame me at this hour, which you accord to me in order to complete the task of patience and gentleness which you have taken upon yourself with regard to me. Endure to the end, therefore, the burden of my unhappiness; and if my words tire you and annoy you, listen to the waterfall as it sings the hymn of the dead over me.
"You don’t know it; you haven’t known it for a single day, a single hour," Ralph said sadly. "When could I have told you, really? It’s Heaven’s will that the only right moment for me to do so is the last moment of your life and my own. But it’s as innocent and appropriate today as it would have once been crazy and wrong. It’s a personal satisfaction that no one has the right to judge me for at this hour, which you give me to complete the task of patience and kindness you’ve taken on with me. So, bear with the weight of my unhappiness until the end; and if my words tire or annoy you, listen to the waterfall as it sings the hymn of the dead over me."
"I was born to love; none of you chose to believe it, and your error in that regard had a decisive influence on my character. It is true that nature, while giving me an ardent heart, was guilty of a strange inconsistency; she placed on my face a stone mask and on my tongue a weight that it could not raise; she refused me what she grants to the most ordinary mortals, the power to express my feelings by the glance or by speech. That made me selfish. People judged the mental being by the outer envelope and, like an imperfect fruit I was compelled to dry up under the rough husk which I could not cast off. I was hardly born when I was cast out of the heart which I most needed. My mother put me away from her breast with disgust, because my baby face could not return her smile. At an age when one can hardly distinguish a thought from a desire, I was already branded with the hateful designation of egotist.
"I was born to love; none of you chose to believe it, and your mistake about that had a major impact on my character. It's true that nature, while giving me a passionate heart, also made a strange inconsistency; she put a stone mask on my face and a weight on my tongue that I couldn't lift. She denied me what she gives to most ordinary people, the ability to express my feelings with a glance or with words. That made me selfish. People judged my mind by how I looked on the outside, and like a flawed fruit, I had to wither under the rough shell that I couldn't shed. I was barely born when I was pushed away from the heart I needed the most. My mother turned me away from her breast in disgust because my baby face couldn't return her smile. At an age when it's hard to tell a thought from a desire, I was already labeled with the ugly tag of egotist."
"Thereupon it was decided that no one would love me, because I was unable to put in words my affection for anyone. They made me unhappy, they declared that I did not feel my unhappiness; I was almost banished from my father's house; they sent me to live among the rocks like a lonely shore-bird. You know what my childhood was, Indiana. I passed the long days in the desert, with no anxious mother to come there in search of me, with no friendly voice amid the silence of the ravines to remind me that the approach of night called me back to the cradle. I grew up alone, I lived alone; but God would not permit me to be unhappy to the end, for I shall not die alone.
"Thereafter, it was decided that no one would love me because I couldn’t express my feelings for anyone. They made me miserable, claiming I didn’t even recognize my own misery; I was almost kicked out of my father’s house and sent to live among the rocks like a lonely shorebird. You know what my childhood was like, Indiana. I spent long days in the desert, with no worried mother looking for me, and no friendly voice in the silence of the canyons to remind me that night was approaching and I needed to return to my crib. I grew up alone; I lived alone. But God wouldn’t let me be unhappy forever, because I will not die alone."
"Heaven however sent me a gift, a consolation, a hope. You came into my life as if Heaven had created you for me. Poor child! abandoned like me, like me set adrift in life without love and without protectors, you seemed to be destined for me—at least I flattered myself that it was so. Was I too presumptuous? For ten years you were mine, absolutely mine; I had no rivals, no misgivings. At that time I had had no experience of what jealousy is.
"Heaven, however, sent me a gift, a comfort, a hope. You came into my life as if Heaven had made you just for me. Poor child! abandoned like me, like me lost in life without love and without guardians, you seemed to be meant for me—at least I convinced myself it was true. Was I being too arrogant? For ten years you were mine, completely mine; I had no competition, no doubts. Back then, I had no experience of what jealousy even felt like."
"That time, Indiana, was the least dismal period of my life. I made of you my sister, my daughter, my companion, my pupil, my whole society. Your need of me made my life something more than that of a wild beast; for your sake I threw off the gloom into which the contempt of my own family had cast me. I began to esteem myself by becoming useful to you. I must tell you everything, Indiana; after accepting the burden of life for you, my imagination suggested the hope of a reward. I accustomed myself—forgive the words I am about to use; even to-day I cannot utter them without fear and trembling—I accustomed myself to think that you would be my wife; child that you were, I looked upon you as my betrothed; my imagination arrayed you in the charms of young womanhood; I was impatient to see you in your maturity. My brother, who had usurped my share of the family affection and who took pleasure in peaceful avocations, had a garden on the hillside which we can see from here by daylight, and which subsequent owners have transformed into a rice-field. The care of his flowers occupied his pleasantest moments, and every morning he went out to watch their progress with an impatient eye, and to wonder, child that he was, because they had not grown so much as he expected in a single night. You, Indiana, were my whole vocation, my only joy, my only treasure; you were the young plant that I cultivated, the bud that I was impatient to see bloom. I, too, looked eagerly every morning for the effect of another day that had passed over your head; for I was already a young man and you were but a child. Already passions of which you did not know the name were stirring my bosom; my fifteen years played havoc with my imagination, and you were surprised to see me so often in a melancholy mood, sharing your games, but taking no pleasure in them. You could not imagine that a fruit or a bird was no longer a priceless treasure to me as it was to you, and I already seemed cold and odd to you. And yet you loved me such as I was; for, despite my melancholy, there was not a moment of my life that was not devoted to you; my sufferings made you dearer to my heart; I cherished the insane hope that it would be your mission to change them to joys some day.
"That time, Indiana, was the least miserable period of my life. I made you my sister, my daughter, my companion, my pupil, my entire world. Your dependence on me turned my life into something more than that of a wild animal; for your sake, I shook off the gloom that my family's disdain had cast upon me. I began to appreciate myself by being of use to you. I have to tell you everything, Indiana; after taking on the burden of life for you, my imagination gave me the hope of a reward. I got used to—excuse the words I’m about to say; even today, I can’t say them without fear and trembling—I got used to thinking that you would be my wife; young as you were, I saw you as my fiancée; my imagination dressed you in the beauty of young womanhood; I was eager to see you as an adult. My brother, who took my share of the family affection and found joy in peaceful activities, had a garden on the hillside that we can see from here in daylight, which later owners turned into a rice field. Caring for his flowers occupied his happiest moments, and every morning he would go out to watch their growth with impatience, wondering, child that he was, why they hadn’t grown as much as he expected overnight. You, Indiana, were my entire purpose, my only joy, my only treasure; you were the young plant I nurtured, the bud I was eager to see bloom. I, too, looked forward every morning to seeing the progress of another day that had passed for you; I was already a young man, and you were just a child. Already, passions unknown to you were stirring within me; my fifteen years wreaked havoc on my imagination, and you were surprised to see me often in a melancholic mood, joining your games but finding no joy in them. You couldn’t understand that a fruit or a bird was no longer a priceless treasure to me as it was for you, and I already seemed cold and strange to you. And yet you loved me as I was; because despite my sadness, there wasn’t a moment of my life that wasn’t devoted to you; my suffering made you more precious to me; I clung to the crazy hope that one day, it would be your mission to turn them into joys."
"Alas! forgive me for the sacrilegious thought which kept me alive for ten years; if it were a crime in the accursed child to hope for you, lovely, simple-hearted child of the mountains, God alone is guilty of giving him, for his only sustenance, that audacious thought. Upon what could that wounded, misunderstood heart subsist, who encountered new necessities at every turn and found a refuge nowhere? from whom could he expect a glance, a smile of love, if not from you, whose lover and father he was at the same time?
"Unfortunately! Please forgive me for the sinful thought that kept me going for ten years; if it's a crime for the cursed child to hope for you, beautiful, kind-hearted child of the mountains, only God is to blame for giving him that daring thought as his only means of survival. What could that wounded, misunderstood heart survive on, facing new needs at every turn and finding refuge nowhere? From whom could he expect a glance, a smile of love, if not from you, whom he loved and considered a father figure at the same time?"
"Do not be shocked to find that you grew up under the wing of a poor bird consumed by love; never did any impure homage, any blameworthy thought endanger the virginity of your soul; never did my mouth brush from your cheeks that bloom of innocence which covered them as the fruit is covered with a moist vapor in the morning. My kisses were the kisses of a father, and when your innocent and playful lips met mine they did not find there the stinging flame of virile desire. No, it was not with you, a tiny blue-eyed child, that I was in love. As I held you in my arms, with your innocent smile and your dainty caresses, you were simply my child, or at most my little sister; but I was in love with your fifteen years, when, yielding to the ardor of my own youth, I devoured the future with a greedy eye.
"Don’t be surprised to learn that you grew up under the care of a poor soul filled with love; never did any unclean devotion or wrongful thought threaten the purity of your spirit; my lips never took away from your cheeks that bloom of innocence that covered them like fruit wrapped in morning mist. My kisses were those of a father, and when your innocent and playful lips met mine, they didn’t encounter the burning desire of a man. No, I was not in love with you, a little blue-eyed child. As I held you in my arms, with your innocent smile and your gentle touches, you were simply my child, or at most my little sister; but I was in love with your fifteen years, when, giving into my youthful passion, I eagerly consumed the future with longing eyes."
"When I read you the story of Paul and Virginie, you only half understood it. You wept, however; you saw only the story of a brother and sister where I had quivered with sympathy, realizing the torments of two lovers. That book made me miserable, whereas it was your joy. You enjoyed hearing me read of the attachment of a faithful dog, of the beauty of the cocoa-palms and the songs of Dominique the negro. But I, when I was alone, read over and over the conversations between Paul and his sweetheart, the impulsive suspicions of the one, the secret sufferings of the other. Oh! how well I understood those first anxieties of youth, seeking in his own heart an explanation of the mysteries of life, and seizing enthusiastically on the first object of love that presents itself to him! But do me justice, Indiana—I did not commit the crime of hastening by a single day the placid development of your childhood; I did not let a word escape me which could suggest to you that there were such things as tears and misery in life. I left you, at the age of ten, in all the ignorance, all the security that were yours when your nurse placed you in my arms, one day when I had determined to die.
"When I read you the story of Paul and Virginie, you only partly understood it. You cried, though; you saw it as just the tale of a brother and sister, while I felt the deep sympathy for two lovers. That book made me miserable, while it brought you joy. You loved hearing about the loyalty of a faithful dog, the beauty of the cocoa palms, and the songs of Dominique the Black man. But I, when I was alone, kept rereading the conversations between Paul and his sweetheart, the impulsive doubts of one, the hidden pains of the other. Oh! how well I understood those early anxieties of youth, searching his own heart for answers to life's mysteries, and eagerly seizing on the first object of love that comes his way! But be fair to me, Indiana—I didn’t do the wrong thing of rushing even a single day of your peaceful childhood; I didn’t let a word slip that would hint to you that there were such things as tears and suffering in life. I left you, at the age of ten, in all the innocence and safety that you had when your nurse placed you in my arms one day when I decided to die."
"Often as I sat alone on this cliff I wrung my hands frantically as I listened to all the sounds of spring time and of love which the mountain gives forth, as I saw the creepers chase each other to and fro, the insects sleeping in a voluptuous embrace in the calyx of a flower, as I inhaled the burning dust which the palm-trees sent to one another—ethereal transports, subtle joys to which the gentle summer breeze serves as a couch. At such times I was frantic, I was mad. I appealed for love to the flowers, to the birds, to the voice of the torrent. I called wildly upon that unknown bliss, the mere thought of which made my brain whirl. But I would see you running toward me, along yonder path, merry and laughing, so tiny in the distance and so awkward about climbing the rocks that one might have taken you for a penguin, with your white dress and your brown hair. Then my blood would grow calm, my lips cease to burn. In presence of the little Indiana of seven I would forget the Indiana of fifteen of whom I had just been dreaming. I would open my arms to you with pure delight; your kisses would cool my forehead. At those times I was happy; I was a father.
"Often when I sat alone on this cliff, I wrung my hands in desperation as I listened to all the sounds of spring and love that the mountain offered. I watched the vines chase each other back and forth, the insects nestled in a soft embrace in a flower’s calyx, and breathed in the warm dust that the palm trees exchanged—ephemeral joys, subtle delights where the gentle summer breeze acted as a resting place. In those moments, I felt frantic, almost mad. I pleaded for love from the flowers, the birds, and the sound of the flowing water. I wildly called out for that unknown joy, the mere thought of which sent my mind spinning. But then I would see you running toward me along that path, cheerful and laughing, so small in the distance and so clumsy climbing over the rocks that you might have been mistaken for a penguin, with your white dress and brown hair. In an instant, my blood would calm, and my lips would stop burning. In the presence of little Indiana, who was seven, I would forget the Indiana of fifteen I had just been dreaming about. I would open my arms to you with pure joy; your kisses would soothe my forehead. In those moments, I was happy; I was a father."
"How many free, peaceful days we have passed in this ravine! How many times I have bathed your feet in the pure water of yonder basin! How many times I have watched you sleeping among the reeds, shaded by the leaf of a palm for an umbrella! It was at those times that my tortures would occasionally begin anew. It was a sore affliction to me that you were so small. I would ask myself whether, suffering as I did, I could live until the day when you could understand me and respond to my love. I would gently lift your silken locks and kiss them with passion. I would compare them with curls I had cut from your head in preceding years and which I kept in my wallet. I would joyously make sure of the darker shade that each recurring spring gave to them. Then I would examine the marks on the trunk of a date-tree nearby, that I had made to show the progressive increase in your height for four or five years. The tree still bears those scars, Indiana; I found them on it the last time I came here to suffer. Alas! in vain did you grow taller and taller; in vain did your beauty keep all its promises; in vain did your hair become black as ebony. You did not grow for me; not for me did your charms develop. The first time that your heart beat faster it was for another than me.
"How many free, peaceful days have we spent in this ravine! How many times have I bathed your feet in the clear water of that basin! How many times have I watched you sleeping among the reeds, shaded by a palm leaf like a sunshade! It was during those moments that my pain would sometimes start up again. It was a deep sorrow for me that you were so little. I would ask myself whether, suffering as I did, I could survive until the day when you could understand me and return my love. I would gently lift your silky hair and kiss it with passion. I would compare it to curls I had cut from your head in previous years and kept in my wallet. I would joyfully notice the darker shade that each spring added to it. Then I would check the marks on the trunk of a nearby date tree that I made to show how much you had grown over the last four or five years. The tree still has those scars, Indiana; I saw them the last time I came here to suffer. Alas! In vain did you grow taller and taller; in vain did your beauty keep all its promises; in vain did your hair become as black as ebony. You didn't grow for me; your charms didn't develop for me. The first time your heart raced, it was for someone else, not me."
"Do you remember how we ran, as light of foot as two turtle-doves, among the thickets of wild rose bushes? Do you remember, too, that we sometimes went astray in the forests over our heads? Once we tried to reach the mist-enveloped peaks of the Salazes; but we had not foreseen that the higher we went the scarcer the fruit became, the less accessible the streams, the more terrible and more penetrating the cold.
"Do you remember how we ran, as light on our feet as two lovebirds, through the thickets of wild rose bushes? Do you also remember that we sometimes got lost in the forests overhead? Once we tried to reach the mist-covered peaks of the Salazes, but we hadn't realized that the higher we went, the scarcer the fruit became, the harder it was to access the streams, and the colder and more intense the chill felt."
"When we saw the vegetation receding behind us you would have returned; but when we had crossed the fern belt we found a quantity of wild strawberries, and you were so busy filling your basket with them that you thought no more about leaving the place. But we had to abandon the idea of going on. We were walking on volcanic rocks covered with little brown spots, and with woolly plants growing among them. Those wretched wind-beaten weeds made us think of the goodness of God, who has given them a warm garment to withstand the violence of the storm. Then the mist became so dense that we could not tell where we were going, and we had to go down again. I carried you in my arms. I crept carefully down the deep slopes of the mountain. Darkness surprised us as we entered the first woods, in the third belt of vegetation. I picked some pomegranates for you and made shift to quench my own thirst with the convolvuli, the stalks of which contain an abundant supply of cool, pure water. Thereupon we recalled the adventure of our favorite heroes, when they lost themselves in the forests of the Rivière-Rouge. But we had no loving mothers, nor zealous servants, nor faithful dog to search for us. But I was content; I was proud. I shared with no one the duty of watching over you, and I considered myself more fortunate than Paul.
"When we saw the vegetation shrinking behind us, you would have turned back; but after we crossed the fern area, we discovered a bunch of wild strawberries, and you got so caught up in filling your basket that you forgot all about leaving. But we had to give up the idea of moving on. We were walking on volcanic rocks dotted with little brown spots, with fuzzy plants growing among them. Those poor, wind-tossed weeds made us think of how good God is, providing them with a warm covering to survive the storm's fury. Then the fog became so thick that we couldn't see where we were going, and we had to head back down. I carried you in my arms, carefully navigating the steep slopes of the mountain. Darkness caught us as we entered the first woods, in the third layer of vegetation. I picked some pomegranates for you and managed to quench my own thirst with the convolvuli, whose stalks have plenty of cool, fresh water. Then we remembered the adventure of our favorite heroes when they got lost in the Rivière-Rouge forests. But we didn’t have loving mothers, eager servants, or a loyal dog to look for us. But I was content; I was proud. I alone carried the responsibility of watching over you, and I felt luckier than Paul."
"Yes, it was a profound and pure and true passion that you inspired in me even then. Noun, at ten years, was a head taller than you; a creole in the fullest acceptation of the word, she was already developed. Her melting eyes already shone with a curious expression; her bearing and character were those of a young woman. But I did not love Noun, or I loved her only because of you, with whom she always played. It never occurred to me to wonder whether she was beautiful already; whether she would be more beautiful some day. I never looked at her. In my eyes she was more of a child than you; for, you see, I loved you. I staked all my hopes upon you; you were the companion of my life, the dream of my youth.
"Yes, you inspired a deep, pure, and real passion in me even back then. Noun, at ten years old, was a head taller than you; a Creole in the fullest sense of the word, she was already grown. Her expressive eyes sparkled with a curious look; her demeanor and character were those of a young woman. But I didn’t love Noun, or I only loved her because of you, since she always played with you. I never thought to question whether she was beautiful already or if she would become more beautiful one day. I never looked at her that way. To me, she felt more like a child than you; because, you see, I loved you. I put all my hopes in you; you were the companion of my life, the dream of my youth."
"Those days of exile in England, that period of pain and grief, I will not describe. If I treated any one badly, it was not you; and if any one treated me badly, I do not propose to complain. There I became more egotistical that is to say more depressed and more distrustful than ever. By being suspicious of me, people had compelled me to become self-sufficient and to rely upon myself. Thus I had only the testimony of my own heart to support me in those trials. It was attributed to me as a crime that I did not love a woman who married me only because she was forced to and who never treated me with anything but contempt. It was afterwards remarked that one of the principal characteristics of my egotism was the aversion I seemed to feel for children. Raymon more than once bantered me cruelly concerning that supposed peculiarity, observing that the care necessary for the education of children was quite inconsistent with the rigidly methodical ways of an old bachelor. I fancy that he did not know that I had been a father, and that it was I who educated you. But none of you would ever understand that the memory of my son was as intensely painful to me after many years as on the first day, and that my sore heart swelled at the sight of flaxen heads that reminded me of him. When a man is unhappy, people are terribly afraid of not finding him blameworthy enough, because they dread being compelled to pity him.
"During those days of exile in England, that time filled with pain and sorrow, I won't go into detail. If I mistreated anyone, it wasn’t you; and if someone mistreated me, I don’t plan to complain about it. There, I became more self-absorbed, which means I felt more depressed and distrustful than ever before. By being suspicious of me, people forced me to be independent and rely solely on myself. So, I only had the support of my own heart to get me through those tough times. It was seen as a crime that I didn’t love a woman who married me only because she had to and treated me with nothing but disdain. Later, it was noted that a key aspect of my self-absorption was my seeming dislike for children. Raymon often teased me cruelly about that supposed trait, pointing out that caring for children didn’t fit with the rigidly organized life of an old bachelor. I think he didn’t realize that I had been a father, and that it was I who raised you. But none of you would ever understand that the memory of my son still hurts me just as deeply years later as it did on the first day, and my heart aches at the sight of blonde heads that remind me of him. When a man is unhappy, people are extremely worried about not finding him blameworthy enough because they fear being compelled to feel sorry for him."
"But what no one will ever be able to understand is the profound indignation, the black despair which took possession of me when I, a poor child of the desert, upon whom no one had ever deigned to cast a pitying glance, was forced to leave this spot and take upon myself the burdens of society; when I was told that I must fill an empty place that had spurned me; when they tried to make me understand that I had duties to fulfil toward those men and women who had disregarded their duties toward me. Think of it! no one of all my kindred had chosen to be my protector and now they all called upon me to undertake the defence of their interests! They would not even leave me to enjoy in peace what pariahs enjoy, the air of solitude! I had but one thing in life that I cherished, one thought, one hope—that you would belong to me forever; they deprived me of that, they told me that you were not rich enough for me. Bitter mockery! for me whom the mountains had nourished and whom my father's roof had cast out! me, who had never been allowed to learn the use of riches, and upon whom was now laid the duty of managing to advantage the riches of other people!
"But what no one will ever understand is the deep anger and overwhelming despair I felt when I, a poor child of the desert, who had never received a sympathetic glance, was forced to leave this place and take on the burdens of society; when I was told that I had to fill a role that had rejected me; when they tried to make me see that I had responsibilities toward those men and women who had ignored their responsibilities toward me. Think about it! None of my family had chosen to protect me, and now they all expected me to defend their interests! They wouldn’t even let me enjoy in peace what outcasts enjoy—the solitude! I had only one thing in life that I valued, one thought, one hope—that you would belong to me forever; they took that away from me and told me that you weren’t wealthy enough for me. What bitter irony! For me, whom the mountains had fed and who had been cast out by my father’s home! Me, who had never been allowed to learn how to use wealth, and now I was given the duty of managing the wealth of others!"
"However I submitted. I had no right to pray that my paltry happiness might be spared; I was despised enough, Heaven knows! to resist would have been to make myself odious. My mother, inconsolable for her other son's death, threatened to die herself if I did not follow out my destiny. My father, who accused me of not knowing how to comfort him, as if I were to blame because he loved me so little, was ready to curse me if I tried to escape from his yoke. I bent my head; but what I suffered even you yourself, although you too have been very unhappy, could never understand. If, after being hunted and maltreated and oppressed as I have been, I have not returned mankind evil for evil, perhaps it is a fair conclusion that my heart is not so cold and sterile as it has been accused of being.
"However, I gave in. I had no right to hope that my small happiness might be protected; I was despised enough, believe me! Resisting would have made me unbearable. My mother, heartbroken over the death of my other brother, threatened to die herself if I didn’t follow my path. My father, who blamed me for not being able to comfort him, as if it were my fault that he loved me so little, was ready to curse me if I tried to break free from his control. I lowered my head; but what I suffered, even you, despite your own unhappiness, could never truly understand. If, after being hunted, mistreated, and oppressed as I have been, I haven’t returned evil for evil, maybe it’s a sign that my heart isn’t as cold and unfeeling as it has been labeled."
"When I came back here, when I saw the man to whom you had been married—forgive me, Indiana, that was the time when I was genuinely selfish; there must always be selfishness in love, since there was a touch of it even in mine—I felt an indescribably cruel joy in the thought that that legal sham would give you a master and not a husband. You were surprised at the species of affection for him I displayed; it was because I did not look upon him as a rival. I knew well enough that that old man could neither feel nor inspire love, and that your heart would come forth untouched from that marriage. I was grateful to him for your coldness and your melancholy. If he had remained here, I should perhaps have become a very guilty man; but you left me alone and it was not in my power to live without you. I tried to conquer the indomitable love which had sprung to life again in all its force when I found you as fair and sad as I had dreamed of you in your childhood. But solitude only intensified my suffering and I yielded to the craving I felt to see you, to live under the same roof, to breathe the same air, to drink my fill every hour of the melodious tones of your voice. You know what obstacles I had to meet, what distrust I had to overcome; I realized then what duties I had voluntarily undertaken; I could not connect my life with yours without quieting your husband's suspicions by a sacred promise, and I have never known what it was to trifle with my word. I pledged myself therefore with my mind and my heart never to forget my rôle of brother, and I ask you, Indiana, if I ever was false to my oath.
"When I came back here and saw the man you had married—forgive me, Indiana, that was when I was truly selfish; there’s always some selfishness in love, and mine was no exception—I felt an indescribably cruel joy in the thought that that legal arrangement would make him your master, not your husband. You were surprised by the kind of affection I showed him; it's because I didn’t see him as a rival. I knew that old man couldn't feel or inspire love, and that your heart would stay untouched by that marriage. I was thankful to him for your coldness and your sadness. If he had stayed here, I might have become a very guilty man; but you left me alone, and I couldn’t live without you. I tried to overcome the unstoppable love that had come back with all its force when I found you as beautiful and sad as I had imagined you in your childhood. But being alone only made my suffering worse, and I gave in to the intense desire to see you, to live under the same roof, to breathe the same air, to soak in your voice every hour. You know the obstacles I faced, the distrust I had to get past; I realized then what commitments I had willingly taken on; I couldn’t connect my life with yours without easing your husband’s suspicions through a sacred promise, and I’ve never been one to play with my word. So I promised with my mind and my heart to never forget my role as your brother, and I ask you, Indiana, if I ever broke my oath."
"I realized also that it would be difficult, perhaps impossible, for me to perform that painful task, if I laid aside the disguise that precluded any intimate relations, any profound sentiment; I realized that I must not play with the danger, for my passion was too intense to come forth victorious from a battle. I felt that I must erect about myself a triple wall of ice, in order to repel your interest in me, in order to deprive myself of your compassion, which would have ruined me. I said to myself that on the day that you pitied me, I should be already guilty, and I made up my mind to live under the weight of that horrible accusation of indifference and selfishness, which, thank Heaven! you did not fail to bring against me. The success of my ruse surpassed my hopes; you lavished upon me a sort of insulting pity like that which is accorded to eunuchs; you denied me the possession of a heart and passions; you trampled me under foot, and I had not the right to display energy enough to be angry and vow vengeance, for that would have betrayed me and shown you that I was a man.
"I also realized that it would be tough, maybe impossible, for me to carry out that painful task if I took off the disguise that prevented any close relationships or deep feelings; I understood that I shouldn’t flirt with danger, because my passion was too intense to win any battle. I felt I had to build a triple wall of ice around myself to fend off your interest in me, to deny myself your compassion, which would have destroyed me. I told myself that the moment you felt sorry for me, I would already be guilty, and I decided to live under the burden of that awful accusation of indifference and selfishness, which, thank goodness! you didn’t hesitate to throw at me. The success of my trick exceeded my expectations; you showered me with a kind of insulting pity, like what’s given to eunuchs; you denied me the existence of a heart and feelings; you trampled over me, and I didn’t have the right to show enough energy to be angry and seek revenge, because that would have betrayed me and revealed that I was a man."
"I complain of mankind at large and not of you, Indiana. You were always kind and merciful; you tolerated me under this despicable disguise I had adopted in order to be near you; you never made me blush for my rôle, you were all in all to me, and sometimes I thought with pride that if you looked kindly upon me in the guise I had assumed in order that you might misunderstand me, you might perhaps love me if you should know me some day as I really was. Alas! what other than you would not have spurned me? what other would have held out her hand to that speechless, witless clown? Everybody but you held aloof with disgust from the egotist! Ah! there was one being in the world generous enough not to tire of that profitless exchange; there was one heart large enough to shed something of the blessed flame that animated it upon the narrow, benumbed heart of the poor abandoned wretch. It required a heart that had too much of that of which I had not enough. There was under Heaven but one Indiana capable of caring for a Ralph.
"I complain about mankind in general and not about you, Indiana. You were always kind and compassionate; you accepted me even when I wore that ridiculous disguise just to be close to you. You never made me feel ashamed of my role; you meant everything to me, and sometimes I felt proud thinking that if you looked at me kindly in the guise I took on so you might misjudge me, you might perhaps love me if you ever got to know the real me. Alas! Who other than you would not have rejected me? Who else would have reached out to that silent, foolish clown? Everyone but you kept their distance with disgust from the egotist! Ah! There was one person in the world generous enough not to tire of that pointless exchange; there was one heart big enough to share a bit of its blessed warmth with the cold, numb heart of the poor abandoned wretch. It took a heart that had too much of what I lacked. There was under Heaven only one Indiana capable of caring for a Ralph."
"Next to you the person who showed me the most indulgence was Delmare. You accused me of preferring him to you, of sacrificing your comfort to my own by refusing to interfere in your domestic quarrels. Unjust, blind woman! you did not see that I served you as well as it was possible to do; and, above all, you did not understand that I could not raise my voice in your behalf without betraying myself. What would have become of you if Delmare had turned me out of his house? who would have protected you, patiently, silently, but with the persevering steadfastness of an undying love? Not Raymon surely. And then I was fond of him from a feeling of gratitude, I confess;—yes, fond of that rough, vulgar creature who had it in his power to deprive me of my only remaining joy, and who did not do it; that man whose misfortune it was not to be loved by you, so that there was a secret bond of sympathy between us! I was fond of him too for the very reason that he had never caused me the tortures of jealousy.
"Next to you, the person who showed me the most kindness was Delmare. You accused me of preferring him over you, claiming I was putting my own comfort ahead of yours by not getting involved in your domestic disputes. Unfair, blind woman! You didn’t see that I was doing the best I could for you; and, more importantly, you didn’t realize that I couldn’t speak up for you without revealing my own feelings. What would have happened to you if Delmare had kicked me out of his house? Who would have supported you, patiently and quietly, but with the unwavering dedication of a love that never fades? Certainly not Raymon. And I had feelings for Delmare, it’s true; yes, fond of that rough, unrefined man who could have taken away my only remaining happiness, but chose not to; that man who was unfortunate not to be loved by you, creating an unspoken connection between us! I was also fond of him simply because he never made me suffer the pain of jealousy."
"But I have come now to the most ghastly sorrow of my life, to the fatal time when your love, of which I had dreamed so long, belonged to another. Then and not till then did I fully realize the nature of the sentiment that I had held in check so many years. Then did hatred pour poison into my breast and jealousy consume what was left of my strength. Hitherto my imagination had kept you pure; my respect encompassed you with a veil which the innocent audacity of dreams dared not even raise; but when I was assailed by the horrible thought that another had involved you in his destiny, had snatched you from my power and was intoxicating himself with deep draughts of the bliss of which I dared not I even dream, I became frantic; I would have rejoiced to see that detested man at the foot of this precipice and to roll stones down upon his head.
"But now I've come to the most unbearable sorrow of my life, the painful moment when the love I had dreamed of for so long belonged to someone else. Only then did I truly understand the feelings I had held back for so many years. Hatred filled me with poison, and jealousy drained what little strength I had left. Until that point, my imagination had kept you pure; my respect surrounded you with a barrier that the innocent boldness of dreams wouldn’t dare break. But when I was hit with the horrible thought that someone else had tied you to his fate, that he had taken you away from me and was indulging in the deep joys I didn’t even dare to imagine, I lost it; I would have been happy to see that hated man at the bottom of this cliff and throw stones down on him."
"However your sufferings were so great that I forgot my own. I did not choose to kill him, because you would have wept for him. Indeed I was tempted twenty times, Heaven forgive me! to be a vile and despicable wretch, to betray Delmare and serve my enemy. Yes, Indiana, I was so insane, so miserable at the sight of your suffering, that I repented having tried to enlighten you and that I would have given my life to bequeath my heart to that man! Oh! the villain! may God forgive him for the injury he has done me! but may He punish him for the misery he has heaped on your head! It is for that that I hate him; for, so far as I am concerned, I forget what my life has been, when I see what he has made of yours. He is a man whom society should have branded on the forehead on the day of his birth! whom it should have spat upon and cast out as the hardest-hearted and vilest of men! But on the contrary, she bore it aloft in triumph. Ah! I recognize mankind in that, and I ought not to be indignant; for man simply obeys his nature in adoring the deformed creature who destroys the happiness and consideration of another.
"However, your suffering was so intense that I forgot my own. I didn't choose to kill him because you would have cried for him. Honestly, I was tempted twenty times, God forgive me, to be a horrible and contemptible person, to betray Delmare and help my enemy. Yes, Indiana, I was so crazy, so miserable at the sight of your pain, that I regretted trying to help you and would have given my life just to give my heart to that man! Oh, the villain! May God forgive him for the harm he has caused me, but may He punish him for the suffering he has brought upon you! That is why I hate him; as far as I’m concerned, I forget what my life has been like when I see what he has done to yours. He is a man who society should have marked for shame the day he was born! Society should have rejected him as the cruelest and meanest of men! But instead, it celebrated him. Ah! I see humanity in that, and I shouldn’t be shocked; people just follow their nature in adoring the twisted creature who ruins someone else's happiness and dignity."
"Forgive me, Indiana, forgive me! it is cruel perhaps to complain before you, but this is the first time and the last; let me curse the ungrateful wretch who has driven you to the grave. This terrible lesson was necessary to open your eyes. In vain did a voice from Noun's deathbed and Delmare's cry out to you: 'Beware of him, he will ruin you!'—you were deaf: your evil genius led you on and, dishonored as you are, public opinion condemns you and absolves him. He did all sorts of evil and no heed was paid to it. He killed Noun and you forgot it; he ruined you and you forgave him. You see, he had the art to dazzle the eyes and deceive the mind; his adroit, deceitful words found their way to the heart; his viper's glance fascinated; and if nature had given him my metallic features and my dull intelligence she would have made a perfect man of him.
"Forgive me, Indiana, forgive me! It may be cruel to complain to you, but this is the first and last time; let me curse the ungrateful wretch who has pushed you to the grave. This terrible lesson was needed to open your eyes. In vain did a voice from Noun's deathbed and Delmare warn you: 'Beware of him, he will ruin you!'—you were deaf to it: your evil fate led you on, and now, dishonored as you are, public opinion condemns you and absolves him. He did all kinds of terrible things and no one paid attention. He killed Noun and you forgot it; he ruined you and you forgave him. You see, he had the skill to dazzle the eyes and deceive the mind; his clever, deceitful words reached the heart; his viper-like gaze captivated; and if nature had given him my harsh features and my dull mind, she would have made a perfect man out of him."
"Yes, I say, may God punish him, for he was barbarous to you! or, rather, may He forgive him, for perhaps he was more stupid than wicked! He did not understand you; he did not appreciate the happiness he might have enjoyed! Oh! you loved him so dearly! He might have made your life so beautiful! In his place I would not have been virtuous; I would have fled with you into the heart of the mountains; I would have torn you from society to have you all to myself, and I should have had but one fear, that you would not be accursed and abandoned sufficiently so that I might be all in all to you. I would have been jealous of your consideration, but not in the same way that he was; my aim would have been to destroy it in order to replace it by my love. I should have suffered intensely to see another man give you the slightest morsel of pleasure, a moment's gratification; it would have been a theft from me; for your happiness would have been my care, my property, my life, my honor! Oh! how vain and how wealthy I would have been with this wild ravine for my only home, these mountain trees for my only fortune, if heaven had given them to me with your love! Let us weep, Indiana; it is the first time in my life that I have wept; it is God's will that I should not die without knowing that melancholy pleasure."
"Yes, I say, may God punish him, for he was cruel to you! Or, rather, may He forgive him, for maybe he was more ignorant than evil! He didn’t understand you; he didn’t see the happiness he could have had! Oh! you loved him so much! He could have made your life so beautiful! If I were in his place, I wouldn’t have been virtuous; I would have run away with you into the heart of the mountains; I would have taken you away from society to have you all to myself, and I would have had just one fear: that you wouldn’t be cursed and abandoned enough for me to be everything to you. I would have been jealous of your attention, but not like he was; my goal would have been to destroy it so I could take its place with my love. I would have suffered greatly to see another man give you the slightest bit of pleasure, a moment’s satisfaction; it would have felt like a theft from me; for your happiness would have been my concern, my possession, my life, my honor! Oh! how vain and how rich I would have felt with this wild ravine as my only home, these mountain trees as my only fortune, if heaven had given them to me along with your love! Let’s cry, Indiana; it’s the first time in my life that I have wept; it’s God’s will that I shouldn’t die without experiencing this bittersweet joy."
Ralph was weeping like a child. It was in very truth the first time that stoical soul had ever given way to self-compassion; and yet there was in those tears more sorrow for Indiana's fate than for his own.
Ralph was crying like a child. It was actually the first time that his stoic nature had ever broken down into self-pity; and yet there was more sorrow in those tears for Indiana's situation than for his own.
"Do not weep for me," he said, seeing that her face too was bathed in tears. "Do not pity me; your pity wipes out the whole past, and the present is no longer bitter. Why should I suffer now? You no longer love him."
"Don’t cry for me," he said, noticing that her face was also wet with tears. "Don’t feel sorry for me; your sympathy erases everything that’s come before, and the present no longer hurts. Why should I still be in pain? You don’t love him anymore."
"If I had known you as you are, Ralph, I should never have loved him," cried Madame Delmare; "it was your virtue that was my ruin."
"If I had known you like this, Ralph, I would have never loved him," cried Madame Delmare; "it was your goodness that brought about my downfall."
"And then," continued Ralph, looking at her with a sorrowful smile, "I have many other causes of joy. You unwittingly confided something to me during the hours that we poured out our hearts to each other on board ship. You told me that this Raymon was never so fortunate as he had the presumption to claim to be, and you relieved me of a part of my torments. You took away my remorse for having watched over you so ineffectually; for I had the insolence to try to protect you from his fascinations; and therein I insulted you, Indiana. I did not have faith in your strength; that is another crime for you to forgive."
"And then," Ralph continued, looking at her with a sad smile, "I have many other reasons to be happy. You unknowingly shared something with me during the times we opened our hearts to each other on the ship. You told me that this Raymon was never as lucky as he had the nerve to claim, and you eased some of my pain. You took away my guilt for having watched over you so poorly; I had the arrogance to think I could protect you from his charms, and in doing so, I insulted you, Indiana. I didn't believe in your strength; that’s another mistake for you to forgive."
"Alas!" said Indiana, "you ask me to forgive! me who have made your whole life miserable, who have rewarded so pure and generous a love with incredible blindness, barbarous ingratitude! Why, I am the one who should crawl at your feet and implore forgiveness."
"Alas!" said Indiana, "you’re asking me to forgive! Me, who has made your whole life a nightmare, who has repaid such a pure and generous love with unbelievable blindness and cruel ingratitude! I’m the one who should be crawling at your feet, begging for forgiveness."
"Then this love of mine arouses neither disgust nor anger in your breast, Indiana? O my God! I thank Thee! I shall die happy! Listen, Indiana; cease to blame yourself for my sufferings. At this moment I regret none of Raymon's joys, and I think that my fate would arouse his envy if he had the heart of a man. Now I am your brother, your husband, your lover for all eternity. Since the day that you promised to leave this life with me, I have cherished the sweet thought that you belonged to me, that you had returned to me never to leave me again. I began once more to call you my betrothed under my breath. It would have been too much happiness—or, it may be, not enough—to possess you on earth. In God's bosom the bliss awaits me of which my childhood dreamed. There, Indiana, you will love me; there, your divine intellect, stripped of all the lying fictions of this life, will make up to me for a whole life of sacrifices, suffering and self-denial; there, you will be mine, O my Indiana! for you are heaven! and if I deserve to be saved, I deserve to possess you. This is what I had in mind when I asked you to put on this white dress; it is the wedding dress; and yonder rock jutting out into the basin is the altar that awaits us."
"Does this love of mine stir up either disgust or anger in you, Indiana? Oh my God! I thank You! I will die happy! Listen, Indiana; stop blaming yourself for my pain. Right now, I don’t regret any of Raymon's joys, and I think my fate would make him jealous if he had any real humanity. Now, I am your brother, your husband, your lover for all eternity. Since the day you promised to leave this life with me, I’ve held onto the sweet thought that you belong to me, that you’ve come back to me never to leave again. I started calling you my fiancée softly to myself. It would have been too much happiness—or maybe not enough—to have you here on earth. In God’s embrace, the bliss I dreamed of as a child awaits me. There, Indiana, you will love me; there, your divine mind, free of all the lies of this life, will make up for a whole life of sacrifices, suffering, and self-denial; there, you will be mine, oh my Indiana! because you are my paradise! and if I deserve to be saved, then I deserve to have you. This is why I asked you to wear this white dress; it's the wedding dress; and that rock jutting out into the basin is the altar waiting for us."
He rose and plucked a branch from a flowering orange tree in a neighboring thicket and placed it on Indiana's black hair; then he knelt at her feet.
He stood up and picked a branch from a flowering orange tree in a nearby thicket and laid it on Indiana's dark hair; then he knelt at her feet.

RALPH AND INDIANA SEEK DEATH
TOGETHER
RALPH AND INDIANA FACE DEATH
TOGETHER
Their lips met; and doubtless there is in a love that comes from the heart a greater power than in the ardor of a fugitive desire; for that kiss, on the threshold of another life, summed up for them all the joys of this.
Their lips touched; and there's definitely more strength in a love that comes from the heart than in the passion of a fleeting desire; because that kiss, at the doorway to a new life, captured all the joys of this one for them.
Thereupon Ralph took his fiancée in his arms and bore her away to plunge with her in the torrent.
Then Ralph picked up his fiancée and carried her off to dive into the rushing waters.
"Make me happy," he said; "tell me that your heart consents to this marriage in another world. Give me eternity; do not compel me to pray for absolute annihilation."
"Make me happy," he said; "tell me that your heart agrees to this marriage in another world. Give me forever; don’t make me wish for total destruction."
If the story of Ralph's inward life has produced no effect upon you, if you have not come to love that virtuous man, it is because I have proved to be an unfaithful interpreter of his memories, because I have not been able to exert the power possessed by a man who is profoundly in earnest in his passion. Moreover, the moon does not lend me its melancholy influence, nor do the song of the grosbeak, the perfume of the cinnamon-tree, and all the luxurious and intoxicating seductions of a night in the tropics appeal to your head and heart. It may be, too, that you do not know by experience what powerful and novel sensations awake in the heart at the thought of suicide, and how all the things of this life appear in their true light at the moment of severing our connection with them. This sudden light filled all the inmost recesses of Indiana's heart; the bandage, which had long been loosened, fell from her eyes altogether. Newly awake to the truth and to nature, she saw Ralph's heart as it really was. She also saw his features as she had never seen them; for the mental exaltation of his position had produced the same effect on him that the Voltaic battery produces on paralyzed limbs; it had set him free from the paralysis that had fettered his eyes and his voice. Arrayed in all the glory of his frankness and his virtue he was much handsomer than Raymon, and Indiana felt that he was the man she should have loved.
If the story of Ralph's inner life hasn’t affected you, if you haven’t come to love that good man, it’s because I haven't done a good job conveying his memories; I haven’t been able to capture the passion of someone who truly believes in what they feel. Also, the moon isn’t giving me its melancholic vibe, and the songs of the grosbeak, the scent of the cinnamon tree, and all the lush, intoxicating charms of a tropical night just don’t resonate with you. Maybe it’s also that you don’t know from experience the intense and unique feelings that arise in the heart at the thought of suicide, and how everything in life suddenly appears clear when we think about cutting ties with it. This sudden clarity filled every corner of Indiana’s heart; the blindfold that had been slipping away completely fell from her eyes. Now fully aware of the truth and nature, she saw Ralph’s heart for what it truly was. She also noticed his features as she’d never seen them before; the mental uplift from his situation had the same effect on him that a Voltaic battery has on paralyzed limbs—it released him from the paralysis that had affected his eyes and voice. In all the glory of his honesty and virtue, he was much more attractive than Raymon, and Indiana realized that he was the man she should have loved.
"Be my husband in heaven and on earth," she said, "and let this kiss bind me to you for all eternity!"
"Be my husband in heaven and on earth," she said, "and let this kiss connect us for all eternity!"
Their lips met; and doubtless there is in a love that comes from the heart a greater power than in the ardor of a fugitive desire; for that kiss, on the threshold of another life, summed up for them all the joys of this.
Their lips touched; and surely a love that truly comes from the heart has more strength than the fleeting passion of a temporary desire; because that kiss, at the start of a new chapter in their lives, captured all the happiness they had experienced before.
Thereupon Ralph took his fiancée in his arms and bore her away to plunge with her in the torrent.
Thereupon, Ralph picked up his fiancée and carried her away to jump into the rushing water together.
CONCLUSION
TO J. NERAUD
On a hot, sunshiny day in January last I started from Saint-Paul and wandered into the wild forests of Ile Bourbon to muse and dream. I dreamed of you, my friend; those virgin forests had retained for me the memory of your wanderings and your studies, the ground had kept the imprint of your feet. I found everywhere the marvellous things with which your magical tales charmed the tedium of my vigils in the old days, and, in order that we might enjoy them together, I called upon old Europe, where obscurity encompasses you with its modest advantages, to send you to me. Happy man, whose intellect and merits no treacherous friend has made known to the world!
On a hot, sunny day last January, I left Saint-Paul and wandered into the wild forests of Ile Bourbon to reflect and dream. I dreamed of you, my friend; those untouched forests held the memories of your adventures and your studies, the ground still bore the mark of your footsteps. I encountered the amazing things that your enchanting stories used to make my long nights in the past more bearable, and so I called upon old Europe, where obscurity surrounds you with its modest benefits, to send you to me. Lucky man, whose intellect and talents no deceitful friend has revealed to the world!
I walked in the direction of a lonely spot in the highest part of the island, called Brulé de Saint-Paul.
I walked toward a secluded place at the highest point of the island, called Brulé de Saint-Paul.
A huge fragment of mountain, which was dislodged and fell during some volcanic disturbance, has formed on the slope of the principal mountain a sort of long arena studded with rocks arranged in the most magical disorder, in the most extraordinary confusion. Here, a huge boulder balances itself on a number of small fragments; there, rises a wall of slender, light, porous rocks with dentilated edges and openwork decoration like a Moorish building; farther on, an obelisk of basalt, whose sides an artist seems to have carved and polished, stands upon a crenelated bastion; in another place, a gothic fortress is crumbling to decay beside a curious, shapeless pagoda. That spot is the rendezvous of all the rough drafts of art, all the sketches of architecture; it would seem that all the geniuses of all nations and of all ages went for their inspiration to that vast work of hazard and demolition. There, doubtless some magically elaborate design of chance gave birth to the Moorish style of sculpture. In the heart of the forests, art found in the palm-tree one of its most beautiful models. The vacoa which anchors itself in the ground and clings to it with a hundred arms branched from its main stalk, evidently furnished the first suggestion of the plan of a cathedral supported by its light flying buttresses. In the Brulé de Saint-Paul all shapes, all types of beauty, all humorous and bold conceits were assembled, piled upon one another, arranged and constructed in one tempestuous night. The spirits of air and fire undoubtedly presided over this diabolical operation; they alone could give to their productions that awe-inspiring, fanciful, incomplete character which distinguishes their works from those of man; they alone could have piled up those monstrous boulders, moved those gigantic masses, toyed with mountains as with grains of sand, and strewn, amid creations which man has tried to copy, those grand conceptions of art, those sublime contrasts impossible of realization, which seem to defy the audacity of the artist and to say to him derisively: "Try it again."
A massive chunk of mountain that was dislodged during a volcanic event has created a long arena on the slope of the main mountain, filled with rocks arranged in a mesmerizing chaos. Here, a giant boulder balances on several smaller pieces; there, a wall of slender, light, porous rocks with notched edges and intricate designs rises, resembling a Moorish building; further along, an obelisk of basalt, seemingly carved and polished by an artist, stands on a crenelated platform; in another spot, a gothic fortress is slowly crumbling beside an unusual, shapeless pagoda. This place is a gathering of all the rough sketches of art and architecture; it's as if creative minds from every nation and era came here for inspiration from this expansive display of chance and destruction. Surely, some intricately detailed design born from randomness sparked the Moorish style of sculpture. Deep in the forests, art found one of its most beautiful inspirations in the palm tree. The vacoa, which roots itself in the ground and spreads out with a hundred branches from its main trunk, likely inspired the design of a cathedral supported by delicate flying buttresses. In the Brulé de Saint-Paul, all forms, types of beauty, and whimsical yet bold ideas came together, piled on one another, formed and constructed in one wild night. The spirits of air and fire were surely in charge of this chaotic creation; only they could imbue their works with that awe-inspiring, imaginative, and incomplete quality that sets them apart from human creations; only they could have stacked those massive boulders, shifted those giant masses, played with mountains like grains of sand, and mixed among the creations that humans have tried to replicate those grand artistic visions, those sublime contrasts that seem impossible to achieve, challenging artists with a taunting, “Give it another shot.”
I halted at the foot of a crystallized basaltic monument, about sixty feet high and cut with facets as if by a lapidary. At the top of this strange object an inscription seemed to have been traced in bold characters by an immortal hand. Those vulcanized rocks often present that phenomenon; long ago, when their substance, softened by the action of fire, was still warm and malleable, they received and retained the imprint of the shells and climbing plants that clung to them. These chance contacts have resulted in some strange freaks, curious hieroglyphics, mysterious characters which seem to have been stamped there like the seal of some supernatural being, written in cabalistic letters.
I stopped at the base of a crystallized basalt monument, about sixty feet tall and shaped like it was carved by a jeweler. At the top of this unusual structure, an inscription appeared to be etched in bold letters by some immortal hand. Those hardened rocks often display this phenomenon; ages ago, when their material, softened by heat, was still warm and flexible, it took on and held the impressions of the shells and climbing plants that clung to them. These random encounters created some strange shapes, curious hieroglyphics, and mysterious markings that look like they were stamped there by a supernatural being, written in cryptic letters.
I stood there a long time, detained by a foolish idea that I might find a meaning for those ciphers. This profitless search caused me to fall into a profound meditation, during which I forgot that time was flying.
I stood there for a long time, held back by a silly thought that I might discover a meaning behind those symbols. This pointless search made me sink into deep thought, during which I completely lost track of time.
Already the mists were gathering about the peaks of the mountains, creeping down the sides and rapidly shutting out their outlines. Before I had descended half way to the plateau, they reached the belt that I was crossing and enveloped it in an impenetrable curtain. A moment later a high wind came up and swept the mist away in a twinkling. Then it fell; the mist settled down once more, to be once more driven away by a terrific squall.
Already, the mist was gathering around the mountain peaks, creeping down their sides and quickly obscuring their outlines. By the time I had descended halfway to the plateau, it reached the area I was crossing and wrapped it in an impenetrable curtain. A moment later, a strong wind picked up and blew the mist away in an instant. Then it came back; the mist settled down once again, only to be driven away again by a powerful gust.
I sought shelter from the storm in a grotto which afforded me some protection; but another scourge came to the assistance of the wind. Torrents of rain swelled the streams, all of which flow from the summit of the mountain. In an hour, everything was inundated and the sides of the mountain, with water pouring down on every side, formed one vast cascade which rushed madly down toward the lowlands.
I found refuge from the storm in a cave that offered me some shelter, but another disaster joined forces with the wind. Heavy rain poured down, swelling the streams that all flow from the top of the mountain. In just an hour, everything was flooded, and the mountainsides, with water spilling down from every direction, turned into one enormous waterfall rushing wildly toward the lowlands.
After two days of most painful and dangerous travelling, I found myself, guided by Providence, I doubt not, at the door of a house built in an exceedingly wild locality. The simple but attractive cottage had withstood the tempest, being sheltered by a rampart of cliffs which leaned over it as if to act as an umbrella. A little lower, a waterfall plunged madly down into a ravine and formed at the bottom a brimming lake, above which, clumps of lovely trees still reared their storm-tossed, tired heads.
After two days of very painful and risky travel, I found myself, guided by fate, at the door of a house located in a really wild area. The simple yet charming cottage had withstood the storm, protected by a wall of cliffs that leaned over it like an umbrella. A bit further down, a waterfall crashed down into a ravine and created a full lake at the bottom, above which, groups of beautiful trees still held up their weary, battered heads.
I knocked vigorously; but the face that appeared in the doorway made me recoil. Before I had opened my mouth to ask for shelter the master of the house had welcomed me gravely and silently with a wave of his hand. I entered and found myself alone with him, face to face with Sir Ralph Brown.
I knocked hard, but the face that showed up in the doorway made me pull back. Before I could ask for shelter, the owner of the house greeted me seriously and silently with a wave of his hand. I stepped inside and found myself alone with him, face to face with Sir Ralph Brown.
In the year that had passed since the Nahandove brought Sir Ralph and his companion back to the colony, he had not been seen in the town three times; and, as for Madame Delmare, her seclusion had been so absolute that her existence was still a problematical matter to many of the people. It was about the same time that I first landed at Bourbon, and my present interview with Monsieur Brown was the second one I had had in my life.
In the year since the Nahandove brought Sir Ralph and his friend back to the colony, he had only been seen in town three times; and as for Madame Delmare, her isolation had been so complete that many people still questioned whether she even existed. It was around this time that I first arrived in Bourbon, and this meeting with Monsieur Brown was only the second time I had met him in my life.
The first had left an ineradicable impression on me; it was at Saint-Paul, on the seashore. His features and bearing had impressed me only slightly at first; but when, through mere idle curiosity, I questioned the colonists concerning him, their replies were so strange, so contradictory, that I scrutinized the recluse of Bernica more closely.
The first one had made an unforgettable impact on me; it was at Saint-Paul, by the sea. At first, his looks and demeanor had only caught my attention a little; but when, out of pure curiosity, I asked the locals about him, their answers were so odd and conflicting that I started to observe the hermit of Bernica more carefully.
"He's a clown—a man of no education," said one; "an absolute nullity, who has only one good quality—that of keeping his mouth shut."
"He's a fool—someone with no education," said one; "a total nobody, who has just one good trait—that of keeping his mouth shut."
"He's an extremely well educated and profound man," said another, "but too strongly persuaded of his own superiority, contemptuous and conceited—so much so that he considers any words wasted that he happens to exchange with the common herd."
"He's a really well-educated and deep thinker," said another, "but he’s so convinced of his own superiority that he comes off as arrogant and dismissive—so much so that he views any conversation with regular people as a waste of his time."
"He's a man who cares for nobody but himself," said a third; "a man of inferior capacity, but not stupid; profoundly selfish and, they say, hopelessly unsociable."
"He's a guy who only cares about himself," said a third; "a man who isn't the brightest, but he's not dumb; deeply selfish and, they say, completely anti-social."
"Why, don't you know?" said a young man brought up in the colony and thoroughly imbued with the characteristic narrow-mindedness of provincials, "he's a knave, a villain who poisoned his friend in the most dastardly way in order to marry his wife."
"Why, don't you know?" said a young man raised in the colony and completely filled with the typical narrow-mindedness of locals, "he's a crook, a scoundrel who poisoned his friend in the most despicable way to marry his wife."
This assertion bewildered me so that I turned to another, older colonist, whom I knew to be possessed of considerable common sense.
This statement confused me so much that I turned to another, older colonist, who I knew had a lot of common sense.
As my glance eagerly requested a solution of these enigmas, he answered:
As I eagerly searched for answers to these mysteries, he replied:
"Sir Ralph was formerly an excellent man, who was not a favorite because he was not communicative, but whom everybody esteemed. That is all I can say about him; for, since his unfortunate experience, I have had no relations with him."
"Sir Ralph used to be a great guy, not really popular because he was quiet, but everyone respected him. That’s all I can say about him; since his unfortunate experience, I haven’t had any contact with him."
"What experience?" I inquired.
"What experience?" I asked.
He told me about Colonel Delmare's sudden death, his wife's flight during the same night, and Monsieur Brown's departure and return. The obscurity which surrounded all these circumstances had been in nowise lessened by the investigations of the authorities; there was no evidence that the fugitive had committed the crime. The king's attorney had refused to prosecute; but the partiality of the magistrates for Monsieur Brown was well known, and they had been severely criticised for not having at least enlightened public opinion concerning an affair which left the reputations of two persons marred by a hateful suspicion.
He told me about Colonel Delmare's sudden death, his wife's escape that same night, and Monsieur Brown's coming and going. The confusion surrounding all these events hadn’t been cleared up by the authorities' investigations; there was no proof that the fugitive had committed the crime. The king's attorney had decided not to prosecute; however, everyone knew that the magistrates favored Monsieur Brown, and they faced heavy criticism for not at least informing the public about a case that had tarnished the reputations of two individuals with a nasty suspicion.
A fact that seemed to justify these suspicions was the furtive return of the two accused persons and their mysterious establishment in the depths of the ravine of Bernica. They had run away at first, so it was said, to give the affair time to die out; but public opinion had been so cold in France that they had been driven to return and take refuge in the desert, to gratify their criminal attachment in peace.
A fact that seemed to validate these suspicions was the secret return of the two accused individuals and their mysterious settlement in the depths of the Bernica ravine. They had initially fled, or so it was said, to let the situation blow over; but since public sentiment in France had been so indifferent, they had been pushed to return and seek refuge in the wilderness, to indulge their criminal bond in peace.
But all these theories were set at naught by another fact which was vouched for by persons who seemed better informed: Madame Delmare, I was told, had always manifested a decided coolness, almost downright aversion for her cousin Monsieur Brown.
But all these theories were dismissed by another fact confirmed by people who seemed more knowledgeable: I was told that Madame Delmare had always shown a clear distance, almost outright dislike for her cousin Monsieur Brown.
I had thereupon scrutinized the hero of so many strange tales carefully—conscientiously, if I may say so. He was sitting on a bale of merchandise, awaiting the return of a sailor whom he had sent to make some purchase or other for him. His eyes, blue as the sea, were gazing pensively at the horizon, with such a placid and honest expression; all the lines of his face were so perfectly in harmony with one another; nerves, muscles, blood, all seemed so tranquil, so perfect, so well-ordered in that robust and healthy individual, that I would have sworn that all the tales were deadly insults, that he had no crime on his conscience, that he had never had one in his mind, that his heart and his hands were as pure as his brow.
I carefully examined the hero of so many strange stories—thoroughly, if I can put it that way. He was sitting on a bundle of goods, waiting for a sailor he had sent out to make some purchase for him. His eyes, as blue as the sea, were staring thoughtfully at the horizon, showing such a calm and genuine expression; all the features of his face were perfectly in sync with one another; nerves, muscles, blood, everything seemed so peaceful, so flawless, so well-balanced in that strong and healthy person, that I would have sworn all those stories were total lies, that he had no guilt on his conscience, that he had never even thought of it, that his heart and hands were as clean as his forehead.
But suddenly the baronet's distraught glance had fallen upon me, as I was staring at him with eager and impertinent curiosity. Confused and embarrassed as a thief caught in the act, I lowered my eyes, for Sir Ralph's expression conveyed a stern rebuke. Since then I had often thought of him, involuntarily; he had appeared in my dreams. I was conscious, as I thought of him, of that vague feeling of uneasiness, that indescribable emotion, which are like the magnetic fluid with which an unusual destiny is encompassed.
But suddenly the baronet's distressed gaze landed on me, as I was staring at him with eager and rude curiosity. Confused and embarrassed like a thief caught in the act, I looked away, because Sir Ralph's expression showed a serious reprimand. Since then, I had often thought of him, whether I wanted to or not; he had shown up in my dreams. I felt, as I thought of him, that vague sense of unease, that indescribable feeling, which is like the magnetic energy surrounding an unusual fate.
My desire to know Sir Ralph was very real, therefore, and very keen; but I should have preferred to watch him furtively, without being seen myself. It seemed to me that I had wronged him. The crystalline appearance of his eyes froze me with terror. It was so evident that he was a man of towering superiority, either in virtue or in villainy, that I felt very small and mean in his presence.
My desire to know Sir Ralph was very real and intense; however, I would have preferred to observe him secretly, without being noticed myself. It felt like I had wronged him. The clear look in his eyes terrified me. It was obvious that he was a man of great superiority, whether in goodness or in evil, which made me feel insignificant and petty in his presence.
His hospitality was neither showy nor vulgar. He took me to his room, lent me some clothes and clean linen; then led me to his companion, who was awaiting us to take supper.
His hospitality was neither flashy nor rude. He took me to his room, lent me some clothes and clean sheets; then led me to his friend, who was waiting for us to have dinner.
As I saw how young and lovely she still was—she seemed barely eighteen—and admired her bloom, her grace, and her sweet voice, I felt a thrill of painful emotion. I reflected that that woman was either very guilty or very unfortunate: guilty of a detestable crime or dishonored by a detestable accusation.
As I saw how young and beautiful she still was—she looked barely eighteen—and admired her freshness, her elegance, and her sweet voice, I felt a rush of painful emotion. I thought about how that woman was either very guilty or very unfortunate: guilty of a terrible crime or wronged by a horrible accusation.
I was detained at Bernica for a week by the overflowing of the rivers, the inundation of the plains, the rain and the wind; and then came the sun, and it never occurred to me to leave my hosts.
I was stuck at Bernica for a week because of the flooding rivers, the inundated plains, the rain, and the wind; then the sun came out, and it never crossed my mind to leave my hosts.
Neither of them could be called brilliant. They had little wit, I should say—perhaps indeed they had none at all; but they had that quality which makes one's words impressive and pleasant to hear; they had intellect of the heart. Indiana is ignorant, but not with that narrow, vulgar ignorance which proceeds from indolence, from carelessness or nullity of character. She is eager to learn what the engrossing preoccupations of her life had prevented her from finding out; and then, too, there may have been a little coquetry in the way she questioned Sir Ralph, in order to bring into the light her friend's vast stores of knowledge.
Neither of them could be called brilliant. They had little wit, I should say—perhaps they didn’t have any at all; but they had that quality that makes one’s words impressive and pleasant to hear; they had emotional intelligence. Indiana is uneducated, but not with that narrow, crude ignorance that comes from laziness, carelessness, or a lack of character. She is eager to learn what the pressing concerns of her life had kept her from discovering; and there may have also been a bit of flirtation in the way she questioned Sir Ralph, trying to highlight her friend's extensive knowledge.
I found her playful, but without petulance; her manners have retained a trace of the languor and melancholy natural to creoles, but in her they seemed to me to have a more abiding charm; her eyes especially have an incomparably soft expression and seem to tell the story of a life of suffering; and when her mouth smiles, there is still a touch of melancholy in those eyes, but the melancholy that seems to be the contemplation of happiness or the emotion of gratitude.
I found her playful but not whiny; her manners still showed a hint of the languor and sadness typical of Creoles, but in her, it seemed to have a deeper charm. Her eyes, in particular, have an incredibly soft expression that seems to convey a story of a life filled with suffering. When she smiles, there’s still a hint of sadness in those eyes, but it's a sadness that feels like a reflection on happiness or a sense of gratitude.
One morning I said to them that at last I was going away.
One morning, I told them that I was finally leaving.
"Already!" was their answer.
"Already!" was their reply.
The accent of regret was so genuine, so touching, that I felt encouraged. I had determined that I would not leave Sir Ralph without asking him to tell me his story; but I felt an insurmountable timidity because of the horrible suspicion that had been planted in my mind.
The sound of regret was so sincere, so moving, that I felt motivated. I had decided that I wouldn’t leave Sir Ralph without asking him to share his story; however, I was overcome with a terrible shyness because of the awful doubt that had been put in my mind.
I tried to overcome it.
I tried to get past it.
"Men are great villains," I said to him; "they have spoken ill of you to me. I am not surprised, now that I know you. Your life must have been a very beautiful one, to be so slandered——"
"Men are terrible villains," I told him; "they've said bad things about you to me. I'm not surprised, now that I know you. Your life must have been really beautiful to be so attacked——"
I stopped abruptly when I detected an expression of innocent surprise on Madame Delmare's features. I understood that she knew nothing of the atrocious calumnies current in the colony, and I encountered upon Sir Ralph's face an unequivocal look of haughty displeasure. I rose at once to take my leave of them, shamefaced and sad, crushed by Monsieur Brown's glance, which reminded me of our first meeting and the silent interview of the same sort we had had on the sea-shore.
I stopped suddenly when I noticed a look of innocent surprise on Madame Delmare's face. I realized that she had no idea about the awful rumors going around in the colony, and I saw on Sir Ralph's face a clear expression of arrogant discontent. I got up immediately to say goodbye to them, feeling embarrassed and down, weighed down by Monsieur Brown's gaze, which reminded me of our first encounter and the silent meeting we had at the beach.
Bitterly chagrined to leave that excellent man in such a frame of mind, regretting that I had annoyed and wounded him in return for the happy days I owed to him, I felt my heart swell within me and I burst into tears.
Bitterly disappointed to leave that great guy feeling like this, regretting that I had upset and hurt him after all the wonderful times I owed him, I felt my heart swell up and I started crying.
"Young man," he said, taking my hand, "remain with us another day; I have not the courage to let the only friend we have on the island leave us in this way—I understand you," he added, after Madame Delmare had left the room; "I will tell you my story, but not before Indiana. There are wounds which one must not re-open."
"Young man," he said, taking my hand, "please stay with us for another day; I don't have the heart to let the only friend we have on the island leave us like this—I understand you," he added, after Madame Delmare had exited the room; "I will share my story with you, but not in front of Indiana. Some wounds shouldn't be reopened."
That evening we went for a walk in the woods. The trees, which had been so fresh and lovely a fortnight earlier, were entirely stripped of their leaves, but they were already covered with great resinous buds. The birds and insects had resumed possession of their empire. The withered flowers already had young buds to replace them. The streams perseveringly carried seaward the gravel with which their beds were filled. Everything was returning to life and health and happiness.
That evening, we took a walk in the woods. The trees, which had been so fresh and beautiful two weeks ago, were completely bare of leaves, but they were already covered in large, sticky buds. The birds and insects had reclaimed their territory. The wilted flowers already had new buds ready to take their place. The streams continued to carry the gravel from their beds out to sea. Everything was coming back to life, health, and happiness.
"Just see," said Ralph to me, "with what astounding rapidity this kindly, fecund nature repairs its losses! Does it not seem as if it were ashamed of the time wasted, and were determined, by dint of a lavish expenditure of sap and vigor, to do over in a few days the work of a year?"
"Just look," Ralph said to me, "at how quickly this generous, fertile nature makes up for its losses! Doesn't it feel like it's embarrassed about the time lost and is set on using a lot of energy and resources to accomplish in a few days what usually takes a year?"
"And it will succeed," rejoined Madame Delmare. "I remember last year's storms; at the end of a month there was no trace of them."
"And it will succeed," replied Madame Delmare. "I remember last year's storms; after a month, there was no sign of them."
"It is the image of a heart broken by sorrow," I said to her; "when happiness comes back, it renews its youth and blooms again very quickly."
"It’s like a heart shattered by sadness," I told her; "when joy returns, it regains its youth and blossoms again really fast."
Indiana gave me her hand and looked at Monsieur Brown with an indescribable expression of affection and joy.
Indiana gave me her hand and looked at Monsieur Brown with an unexplainable look of love and happiness.
When night fell she went to her room, and Sir Ralph, bidding me sit beside him on a bench in the garden, told me his history to the point at which we dropped it in the last chapter.
When night came, she went to her room, and Sir Ralph, inviting me to sit next to him on a bench in the garden, shared his story up to where we left off in the last chapter.
There he made a long pause and seemed to have forgotten my presence completely.
There he paused for what felt like an eternity and appeared to have completely forgotten I was there.
Impelled by my interest in his narrative, I decided to interrupt his meditation by one last question.
Driven by my curiosity about his story, I chose to break his meditation with one final question.
He started like a man suddenly awakened; then, smiling pleasantly, he said:
He jumped up like someone who was suddenly woken up; then, smiling kindly, he said:
"My young friend, there are memories which we rob of their bloom by putting them in words. Let it suffice you to know that I was fully determined to kill Indiana with myself. But doubtless the consummation of our sacrifice was still unrecorded in the archives of Heaven. A doctor would tell you perhaps that a very natural attack of vertigo took possession of my wits and led me astray as to the location of the path. For my own part, who am not a doctor at all in such matters, I prefer to believe that the angel of Abraham and Tobias, that beautiful white angel with the blue eyes and the girdle of gold, whom you often saw in your childish dreams, came down from Heaven on a moonbeam, and, as he hovered in the trembling vapor of the cataract, stretched his silvery wings over my gentle companion's head. The only thing that I am able to tell you is that the moon sank behind the great peaks of the mountain and no ominous sound disturbed the peaceful murmur of the waterfall; the birds on the cliff did not take their flight until a white streak appeared on the horizon; and the first ruddy beam that fell upon the clump of orange-trees found me on my knees blessing God.
"My young friend, there are memories that lose their beauty when we try to put them into words. Just know that I was completely set on ending my life alongside Indiana. But surely, the fulfillment of our sacrifice wasn't recorded in the heavenly records yet. A doctor might suggest that I was hit by a natural wave of dizziness that led me off course. As for me, who isn't a doctor when it comes to these things, I would rather believe that the angel of Abraham and Tobias, that beautiful white angel with blue eyes and a golden belt, whom you often saw in your childhood dreams, descended from Heaven on a moonbeam. As he floated in the mist of the waterfall, he spread his shimmering wings over my gentle companion's head. All I can tell you is that the moon dipped behind the towering mountain peaks and no disturbing sounds interrupted the calm flow of the waterfall; the birds on the cliff didn’t take off until a white light appeared on the horizon, and the first red rays that touched the cluster of orange trees found me on my knees, thanking God."
"Do not think, however, that I accepted instantly the unhoped-for happiness which gave a new turn to my destiny. I was afraid to sound the radiant future that was dawning for me; and when Indiana raised her eyes and smiled upon me, I pointed to the waterfall and talked of dying.
"Don't think, though, that I immediately accepted the unexpected happiness that changed my life. I was scared to explore the bright future that was unfolding for me; and when Indiana looked at me and smiled, I pointed to the waterfall and talked about dying."
"'If you do not regret having lived until this morning,' I said to her, 'we can both declare that we have tasted happiness in all its plenitude; and it is an additional reason for ceasing to live, for perhaps my star would pale to-morrow. Who can say that, on leaving this spot, on coming forth from this intoxicating situation to which thoughts of death and love have brought me, I shall not become once more the detestable brute whom you despised yesterday? Will you not blush for yourself when you find me again as you have always known me? Oh! Indiana, spare me that horrible agony; it would be the complement of my destiny.'
"'If you don’t regret having lived until this morning,' I said to her, 'we can both say that we’ve experienced happiness in all its fullness; and that gives us an even better reason to end it all, because maybe my luck will run out tomorrow. Who can say that when I leave this place, stepping away from this intoxicating moment brought on by thoughts of death and love, I won’t turn back into the awful person you despised yesterday? Won’t you feel ashamed of yourself when you see me again as you’ve always known me? Oh! Indiana, spare me that terrible pain; it would be the final twist of my fate.'
"'Do you doubt your heart, Ralph?' said Indiana with an adorable expression of love and confidence, 'or does not mine offer you sufficient guarantee?'
"'Do you doubt your heart, Ralph?' Indiana asked with an adorable look of love and confidence. 'Or doesn't mine give you enough assurance?'"
"Shall I tell you? I was not happy at first. I did not doubt Madame Delmare's sincerity, but I was terrified by thought of the future. Having distrusted myself beyond measure for thirty years, I could not feel assured in a single day of my ability to please and to retain her love. I had moments of uncertainty, alarm and bitterness; I sometimes regretted that I had not jumped into the lake when a word from Indiana had made me so happy.
"Should I share this? I wasn't happy at first. I didn't doubt Madame Delmare's honesty, but I was scared about the future. After doubting myself for thirty years, I couldn't feel confident in just one day about my ability to please her and keep her love. I had moments of doubt, anxiety, and resentment; sometimes I wished I had jumped into the lake when a word from Indiana made me so happy."
"She too must have had attacks of melancholy. She found it difficult to break herself of the habit of suffering, for the heart becomes used to unhappiness, it takes root in it and cuts loose from it only with an effort. However, I must do her heart the justice to say that she never had a regret for Raymon; she did not even remember him enough to hate him.
"She must have experienced bouts of sadness as well. It was hard for her to shake off the habit of suffering, since the heart grows accustomed to unhappiness, takes root in it, and only breaks free with effort. Still, I have to give her credit for never regretting Raymon; she didn’t even remember him enough to hold any hatred toward him."
"At last, as always happens in deep and true attachments, time, instead of weakening our love, established it firmly and sealed it; each day gave it added intensity, because each day brought fresh obligations on both sides to esteem and to bless. All our fears vanished one by one; and when we saw how easy it was to destroy those causes of distrust, we smilingly confessed to each other that we took our happiness like cowards and that neither of us deserved it. From that moment we have loved each other in perfect security."
"Finally, as often happens in deep and genuine connections, time didn’t weaken our love; instead, it strengthened and sealed it. Each day added intensity to our feelings because it brought new reasons for both of us to appreciate and bless one another. All our fears disappeared one by one, and when we realized how simple it was to eliminate the sources of our doubt, we smiled at each other and admitted that we accepted our happiness like cowards and that neither of us truly deserved it. From that moment on, we loved each other with complete security."
Ralph paused; then, after a few moments of profound meditation in which we were equally absorbed, he continued, pressing my hand:
Ralph paused; then, after a few moments of deep thought we were both caught up in, he went on, squeezing my hand:
"I say nothing of my happiness; if there are griefs that never betray their existence and envelop the heart like a shroud, so there are joys that remain buried in the heart of man because no earthly voice can describe them. Moreover, if some angel from heaven should light upon one of these flowering branches and describe those joys in the language of his native land, you would not understand them, young man, for the tempest has not bruised and shattered you. Alas! what can the heart that has not suffered understand of happiness? As to our crimes——" he added with a smile.
"I don't say anything about my happiness; just as there are sorrows that never reveal themselves and wrap the heart like a shroud, there are joys that stay hidden in a person's heart because no human words can express them. Furthermore, if an angel from heaven were to land on one of these blooming branches and describe those joys in their native tongue, you wouldn't grasp them, young man, because the storm hasn’t battered and broken you. Sadly, what can a heart that hasn’t suffered truly understand about happiness? As for our wrongdoings——" he added with a smile.
"Oh!" I cried, my eyes wet with tears.
"Oh!" I exclaimed, my eyes filled with tears.
"Listen, monsieur," he continued, interrupting me; "you have lived but a few hours with the two outlaws of Bernica, but a single hour would suffice for you to learn their whole life. All our days resemble one another; they are all calm and lovely; they pass by as swiftly and as pure as those of our childhood. Every night we bless God; we pray to him every morning, we implore at his hands the sunshine and shade of the day before. The greater part of our income is devoted to the redemption of poor and infirm blacks. That is the principal cause of the evil that the colonists say of us. Would that we were rich enough to set free all those who live in slavery! Our servants are our friends; they share our joys, we nurse them in sickness. This is the way our life is spent, without vexations, without remorse. We rarely speak of the past, rarely of the future; but always of the former without bitterness, of the latter without alarm. If we sometimes surprise ourselves with tears in our eyes, it is because great joys always cause tears to flow; the eyes are dry in great misery."
"Listen, sir," he continued, cutting me off; "you've only spent a few hours with the two outlaws of Bernica, but even one hour would be enough for you to understand their entire lives. Our days are all alike; they are calm and beautiful; they go by as quickly and as peacefully as those from our childhood. Every night we thank God; we pray to Him every morning, asking for the sunshine and shade of the day before. Most of our income goes to freeing poor and sick black people. That's the main reason for the bad things the colonists say about us. If only we were rich enough to free everyone living in slavery! Our servants are our friends; they share in our joys, and we take care of them when they're sick. This is how we spend our lives, without worries or regrets. We rarely talk about the past, and seldom about the future; but always about the past without bitterness, and the future without fear. If we sometimes find ourselves with tears in our eyes, it's because great joy often brings tears; the eyes remain dry in deep sorrow."
"My friend," I said after a long silence, "if the accusations of the world should reach your ears, your happiness would answer loudly enough."
"My friend," I said after a long silence, "if the world's accusations ever reach you, your happiness would respond clearly enough."
"You are young," he replied, "in your eyes, for your conscience is ingenuous and pure and unsoiled by the world, our happiness is the proof of our virtue; in the eyes of the world it is our crime. Solitude is sweet, I tell you, and men are not worth a regret."
"You’re young," he replied, "in your eyes, because your conscience is genuine, pure, and untouched by the world. Our happiness proves our goodness; in the eyes of the world, it’s our wrongdoing. Solitude is sweet, I’m telling you, and people aren’t worth regretting."
"All do not accuse you," I said; "but even those who appreciate your true character blame you for despising public opinion, and those who acknowledge your virtue say that you are arrogant and proud."
"Not everyone blames you," I said; "but even those who see your true character criticize you for disregarding public opinion, and those who recognize your goodness say that you come off as arrogant and proud."
"Believe me," replied Ralph, "there is more pride in that reproach than in any alleged scorn. As for public opinion, monsieur, judging from those whom it exalts, ought we not always to hold out our hand to those whom it tramples upon? It is said that its approval is necessary to happiness; they who think so should respect it. For my part, I sincerely pity any happiness that rises or falls with its capricious breath."
"Believe me," Ralph replied, "there's more pride in that criticism than in any supposed contempt. As for public opinion, sir, based on those it praises, shouldn't we always extend a hand to those it pushes down? People say that its approval is essential for happiness; those who believe that should respect it. Personally, I truly pity any happiness that depends on its fickle favor."
"Some moralists criticise your solitary life; they claim that every man belongs to society, which demands his presence. They add that you set an example which it is dangerous to follow."
"Some moralists criticize your solitary life; they argue that every person belongs to society, which requires their presence. They also say that you set a dangerous example to follow."
"Society should demand nothing of the man who expects nothing from it," Sir Ralph replied. "As for the contagion of example, I do not believe in it, monsieur; too much energy is required to break with the world, and too much suffering to acquire that energy. So let this unknown happiness flow on in peace, for it costs nobody anything, and conceals itself for fear of making others envious. Go, young man, follow the course of your destiny; have friends, a profession, a reputation, a fatherland. As for me, I have Indiana. Do not break the chains that bind you to society, respect its laws if they protect you, accept its judgments if they are fair to you: but if some day it calumniates you and spurns you, have pride enough to find a way to do without it."
"Society shouldn’t expect anything from someone who doesn’t expect anything from it," Sir Ralph replied. "As for the idea of influence by example, I don’t buy into it, monsieur; it takes too much energy to disconnect from the world, and it's too painful to build that energy. So let this unknown happiness flow peacefully, since it doesn’t cost anyone anything and hides itself to avoid making others jealous. Go, young man, pursue your destiny; have friends, a career, a reputation, a homeland. As for me, I have Indiana. Don’t break the ties that connect you to society, respect its laws if they protect you, and accept its judgments if they’re fair to you: but if one day it slanders you and rejects you, have enough pride to find a way to live without it."
"Yes," said I, "a pure heart will enable us to endure exile; but, to make us love it, one must have such a companion as yours."
"Yes," I replied, "a pure heart will help us handle being away from home; but to actually love it, you need a companion like yours."
"Ah!" he said, "if you knew how I pity this world of yours, which looks down on me!"
"Ah!" he said, "if you only knew how much I pity this world of yours that looks down on me!"
The next day I left Ralph and Indiana; one embraced me, the other shed a few tears.
The next day I said goodbye to Ralph and Indiana; one hugged me, the other cried a little.
"Adieu," they said to me; "return to the world; if some day it banishes you, remember our Indian cottage."
"Goodbye," they said to me; "go back to the world; if one day it casts you out, remember our Indian cottage."
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