This is a modern-English version of The Death of the Lion, originally written by James, Henry.
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THE DEATH
OF THE LION
BY HENRY JAMES
BY HENRY JAMES
LONDON: MARTIN SECKER
number five john street adelphi
LONDON: MARTIN SECKER
5 John Street, Adelphi
This edition first published 1915
Originally published 1915
The text follows that of the
Definitive Edition
The text follows that of the
Definitive Edition
CHAPTER I.
I had simply, I suppose, a change of heart, and it must have begun when I received my manuscript back from Mr. Pinhorn. Mr. Pinhorn was my “chief,” as he was called in the office: he had the high mission of bringing the paper up. This was a weekly periodical, which had been supposed to be almost past redemption when he took hold of it. It was Mr. Deedy who had let the thing down so dreadfully: he was never mentioned in the office now save in connexion with that misdemeanour. Young as I was I had been in a manner taken over from Mr. Deedy, who had been owner as well as editor; forming part of a promiscuous lot, mainly plant and office-furniture, which poor Mrs. Deedy, in her bereavement and depression, parted with at a rough valuation. I could account for my continuity but on the supposition that I had been cheap. I rather resented the practice of fathering all flatness on my late protector, who was in his unhonoured grave; but as I had my way to make I found matter enough for complacency in being on a “staff.” At the same time I was aware of my exposure to suspicion as a product of the old lowering system. This made me feel I was doubly bound to have ideas, and had doubtless been at the bottom of my proposing to Mr. Pinhorn that I should lay my lean hands on Neil Paraday. I remember how he looked at me—quite, to begin with, as if he had never heard of this celebrity, who indeed at that moment was by no means in the centre of the heavens; and even when I had knowingly explained he expressed but little confidence in the demand for any such stuff. When I had reminded him that the great principle on which we were supposed to work was just to create the demand we required, he considered a moment and then returned: “I see—you want to write him up.”
I think I just had a change of heart, and it probably started when I got my manuscript back from Mr. Pinhorn. Mr. Pinhorn was my boss, as he was called in the office; he had the important job of improving the paper. This was a weekly publication that was thought to be almost beyond saving when he took it over. Mr. Deedy had really let it down: he's only mentioned in the office now in connection with that failure. Even though I was young, I had somehow been brought in to replace Mr. Deedy, who was both the owner and editor, as part of a hodgepodge of items, mostly equipment and office furniture, that poor Mrs. Deedy sold at a rough price in her sadness and decline. I could only explain my continued presence by assuming I was cheap. I resented the idea of blaming all the mediocrity on my late mentor, who was now in an unmarked grave; but since I was trying to establish myself, I found enough satisfaction in being part of a "staff." At the same time, I was aware that I was under suspicion as a product of the old, dismal system. This made me feel even more pressure to come up with ideas, which likely led me to suggest to Mr. Pinhorn that I should try to feature Neil Paraday. I remember how he looked at me—at first, as if he had never heard of this celebrity, who at that moment was definitely not in the limelight; and even after I explained who he was, he still seemed skeptical about the need for anything like that. When I reminded him that the main principle we were supposed to follow was to create the demand we needed, he thought for a moment and then said, “I get it—you want to write him up.”
“Call it that if you like.”
“Go ahead and call it that if you want.”
“And what’s your inducement?”
“And what’s your incentive?”
“Bless my soul—my admiration!”
"Wow—I'm so impressed!"
Mr. Pinhorn pursed up his mouth. “Is there much to be done with him?”
Mr. Pinhorn pressed his lips together. “Is there a lot to be done with him?”
“Whatever there is we should have it all to ourselves, for he hasn’t been touched.”
“Whatever exists, we should keep it all to ourselves, because he hasn’t been affected.”
This argument was effective and Mr. Pinhorn responded. “Very well, touch him.” Then he added: “But where can you do it?”
This argument worked, and Mr. Pinhorn replied, “Alright, go ahead and touch him.” Then he added, “But where can you do that?”
“Under the fifth rib!”
"Under the fifth rib!"
Mr. Pinhorn stared. “Where’s that?”
Mr. Pinhorn stared. “Where is that?”
“You want me to go down and see him?” I asked when I had enjoyed his visible search for the obscure suburb I seemed to have named.
“You want me to go down and see him?” I asked as I watched him visibly struggle to find the obscure suburb I had evidently mentioned.
“I don’t ‘want’ anything—the proposal’s your own. But you must remember that that’s the way we do things now,” said Mr. Pinhorn with another dig Mr. Deedy.
“I don’t 'want' anything—the proposal's yours. But you need to remember that’s how we do things now,” said Mr. Pinhorn with another jab at Mr. Deedy.
Unregenerate as I was I could read the queer implications of this speech. The present owner’s superior virtue as well as his deeper craft spoke in his reference to the late editor as one of that baser sort who deal in false representations. Mr. Deedy would as soon have sent me to call on Neil Paraday as he would have published a “holiday-number”; but such scruples presented themselves as mere ignoble thrift to his successor, whose own sincerity took the form of ringing door-bells and whose definition of genius was the art of finding people at home. It was as if Mr. Deedy had published reports without his young men’s having, as Pinhorn would have said, really been there. I was unregenerate, as I have hinted, and couldn’t be concerned to straighten out the journalistic morals of my chief, feeling them indeed to be an abyss over the edge of which it was better not to peer. Really to be there this time moreover was a vision that made the idea of writing something subtle about Neil Paraday only the more inspiring. I would be as considerate as even Mr. Deedy could have wished, and yet I should be as present as only Mr. Pinhorn could conceive. My allusion to the sequestered manner in which Mr. Paraday lived—it had formed part of my explanation, though I knew of it only by hearsay—was, I could divine, very much what had made Mr. Pinhorn nibble. It struck him as inconsistent with the success of his paper that any one should be so sequestered as that. And then wasn’t an immediate exposure of everything just what the public wanted? Mr. Pinhorn effectually called me to order by reminding me of the promptness with which I had met Miss Braby at Liverpool on her return from her fiasco in the States. Hadn’t we published, while its freshness and flavour were unimpaired, Miss Braby’s own version of that great international episode? I felt somewhat uneasy at this lumping of the actress and the author, and I confess that after having enlisted Mr. Pinhorn’s sympathies I procrastinated a little. I had succeeded better than I wished, and I had, as it happened, work nearer at hand. A few days later I called on Lord Crouchley and carried off in triumph the most unintelligible statement that had yet appeared of his lordship’s reasons for his change of front. I thus set in motion in the daily papers columns of virtuous verbiage. The following week I ran down to Brighton for a chat, as Mr. Pinhorn called it, with Mrs. Bounder, who gave me, on the subject of her divorce, many curious particulars that had not been articulated in court. If ever an article flowed from the primal fount it was that article on Mrs. Bounder. By this time, however, I became aware that Neil Paraday’s new book was on the point of appearing and that its approach had been the ground of my original appeal to Mr. Pinhorn, who was now annoyed with me for having lost so many days. He bundled me off—we would at least not lose another. I’ve always thought his sudden alertness a remarkable example of the journalistic instinct. Nothing had occurred, since I first spoke to him, to create a visible urgency, and no enlightenment could possibly have reached him. It was a pure case of profession flair—he had smelt the coming glory as an animal smells its distant prey.
Unrepentant as I was, I could sense the strange implications of this speech. The current owner's supposed moral superiority and his deeper cunning were evident in his reference to the late editor as someone part of that lower class who deals in false representations. Mr. Deedy would rather have sent me to meet Neil Paraday than publish a “holiday number”; but such concerns seemed like just cheap thrift to his successor, whose sincerity showed in ringing doorbells and whose idea of genius was knowing how to find people home. It felt as if Mr. Deedy had published reports without his young men actually being there, as Pinhorn would have put it. I was unrepentant, as I mentioned, and didn’t care to untangle my boss's journalistic ethics, viewing them instead as an abyss it was best not to peer into. Really being there this time, moreover, was a vision that made writing something nuanced about Neil Paraday even more exciting. I would be as thoughtful as Mr. Deedy could have wished, and yet be as present as only Mr. Pinhorn could imagine. My reference to the reclusive way Mr. Paraday lived—it was part of my explanation, though I only knew it through hearsay—was, I could tell, exactly what had caught Mr. Pinhorn’s attention. It seemed to him inconsistent with the success of his paper that anyone could be so withdrawn. And wasn’t an immediate exposure of everything exactly what the public desired? Mr. Pinhorn effectively called me to order by reminding me how promptly I had met Miss Braby in Liverpool when she returned from her fiasco in the States. Hadn’t we published, while it was still fresh and lively, Miss Braby’s own take on that major international episode? I felt a bit uneasy about lumping the actress and the author together, and I admit that after gaining Mr. Pinhorn’s support, I hesitated a little. I had succeeded more than I intended, and as it turned out, I had work closer at hand. A few days later, I visited Lord Crouchley and came away triumphantly with the most nonsensical statement yet from his lordship about his change of stance. I thus set off columns of righteous rhetoric in the daily papers. The following week, I headed to Brighton for a chat, as Mr. Pinhorn called it, with Mrs. Bounder, who shared many curious details about her divorce that hadn’t been expressed in court. If ever an article flowed straight from the source, it was that article about Mrs. Bounder. By this time, however, I became aware that Neil Paraday’s new book was about to be released and that its impending arrival was the reason for my original appeal to Mr. Pinhorn, who was now frustrated with me for losing so many days. He sent me off—we wouldn’t lose another one. I have always thought his sudden eagerness was a remarkable example of journalistic instinct. Nothing had happened since our first conversation to create a visible urgency, and no additional information could possibly have reached him. It was purely a matter of professional flair—he had sensed the coming excitement like a predator catches the scent of its distant prey.
CHAPTER II.
I may as well say at once that this little record pretends in no degree to be a picture either of my introduction to Mr. Paraday or of certain proximate steps and stages. The scheme of my narrative allows no space for these things, and in any case a prohibitory sentiment would hang about my recollection of so rare an hour. These meagre notes are essentially private, so that if they see the light the insidious forces that, as my story itself shows, make at present for publicity will simply have overmastered my precautions. The curtain fell lately enough on the lamentable drama. My memory of the day I alighted at Mr. Paraday’s door is a fresh memory of kindness, hospitality, compassion, and of the wonderful illuminating talk in which the welcome was conveyed. Some voice of the air had taught me the right moment, the moment of his life at which an act of unexpected young allegiance might most come home to him. He had recently recovered from a long, grave illness. I had gone to the neighbouring inn for the night, but I spent the evening in his company, and he insisted the next day on my sleeping under his roof. I hadn’t an indefinite leave: Mr. Pinhorn supposed us to put our victims through on the gallop. It was later, in the office, that the rude motions of the jig were set to music. I fortified myself, however, as my training had taught me to do, by the conviction that nothing could be more advantageous for my article than to be written in the very atmosphere. I said nothing to Mr. Paraday about it, but in the morning, after my remove from the inn, while he was occupied in his study, as he had notified me he should need to be, I committed to paper the main heads of my impression. Then thinking to commend myself to Mr. Pinhorn by my celerity, I walked out and posted my little packet before luncheon. Once my paper was written I was free to stay on, and if it was calculated to divert attention from my levity in so doing I could reflect with satisfaction that I had never been so clever. I don’t mean to deny of course that I was aware it was much too good for Mr. Pinhorn; but I was equally conscious that Mr. Pinhorn had the supreme shrewdness of recognising from time to time the cases in which an article was not too bad only because it was too good. There was nothing he loved so much as to print on the right occasion a thing he hated. I had begun my visit to the great man on a Monday, and on the Wednesday his book came out. A copy of it arrived by the first post, and he let me go out into the garden with it immediately after breakfast, I read it from beginning to end that day, and in the evening he asked me to remain with him the rest of the week and over the Sunday.
I might as well say right away that this short account doesn’t aim to be a detailed picture of how I first met Mr. Paraday or the specific steps and stages that followed. My narrative doesn’t leave room for those details, and anyway, I would feel a sense of restraint recalling such a rare moment. These brief notes are essentially private, so if they get published, it would just mean that the insidious forces that, as my story shows, currently push for publicity have completely overwhelmed my efforts to keep them under wraps. It wasn’t long ago that the sad drama came to an end. My memory of the day I arrived at Mr. Paraday’s door is filled with warmth, hospitality, compassion, and the brilliant, enlightening conversation that welcomed me. Some voice in the air had guided me to the right moment—the moment in his life when an unexpected display of youthful loyalty might resonate the most. He had recently recovered from a serious, long illness. I had gone to the nearby inn for the night, but I spent the evening with him, and he insisted that I stay at his place the next day. I didn’t have an indefinite leave: Mr. Pinhorn assumed we moved our subjects along quickly. It was later, in the office, that the awkward movements of the jig were paired with music. I geared myself up, as I had learned to do, with the belief that nothing could be more beneficial for my article than to be written in the very environment. I didn’t mention it to Mr. Paraday, but the following morning, after I moved from the inn, while he was busy in his study, as he had said he would be, I jotted down the main points of my impression. Then, hoping to impress Mr. Pinhorn with my speed, I stepped out and mailed my little packet before lunch. Once my article was written, I was free to stay longer, and if it was seen as a distraction from my light-heartedness in doing so, I could take satisfaction in the fact that I had never been so clever. Of course, I wasn’t unaware that it was way too good for Mr. Pinhorn; but I was equally aware that Mr. Pinhorn had a unique cleverness in identifying situations where an article wasn’t good just because it was too good. There was nothing he enjoyed more than publishing something he disliked at the right time. I had started my visit to the great man on a Monday, and by Wednesday, his book was released. A copy arrived by the first post, and he let me take it into the garden right after breakfast. I read it from cover to cover that day, and in the evening, he asked me to stay with him for the rest of the week and through Sunday.
That night my manuscript came back from Mr. Pinhorn, accompanied with a letter the gist of which was the desire to know what I meant by trying to fob off on him such stuff. That was the meaning of the question, if not exactly its form, and it made my mistake immense to me. Such as this mistake was I could now only look it in the face and accept it. I knew where I had failed, but it was exactly where I couldn’t have succeeded. I had been sent down to be personal and then in point of fact hadn’t been personal at all: what I had dispatched to London was just a little finicking feverish study of my author’s talent. Anything less relevant to Mr. Pinhorn’s purpose couldn’t well be imagined, and he was visibly angry at my having (at his expense, with a second-class ticket) approached the subject of our enterprise only to stand off so helplessly. For myself, I knew but too well what had happened, and how a miracle—as pretty as some old miracle of legend—had been wrought on the spot to save me. There had been a big brush of wings, the flash of an opaline robe, and then, with a great cool stir of the air, the sense of an angel’s having swooped down and caught me to his bosom. He held me only till the danger was over, and it all took place in a minute. With my manuscript back on my hands I understood the phenomenon better, and the reflexions I made on it are what I meant, at the beginning of this anecdote, by my change of heart. Mr. Pinhorn’s note was not only a rebuke decidedly stern, but an invitation immediately to send him—it was the case to say so—the genuine article, the revealing and reverberating sketch to the promise of which, and of which alone, I owed my squandered privilege. A week or two later I recast my peccant paper and, giving it a particular application to Mr. Paraday’s new book, obtained for it the hospitality of another journal, where, I must admit, Mr. Pinhorn was so far vindicated as that it attracted not the least attention.
That night my manuscript came back from Mr. Pinhorn, along with a letter that basically asked why I thought it was okay to send him such nonsense. That was the essence of the question, if not the exact wording, and it made my mistake feel huge. I could only confront it and accept it. I knew where I had gone wrong, but it was exactly where I couldn’t have done better. I had been told to be personal, but I hadn’t been personal at all; what I sent to London was just a pretentious and anxious analysis of my author’s talent. Anything less relevant to Mr. Pinhorn’s goals would be hard to imagine, and he was clearly upset that I had approached the topic of our project only to back off so pathetically, especially at his expense, traveling on a second-class ticket. For my part, I was painfully aware of what had happened, and I felt as though a miracle—as beautiful as an old legend—had occurred to rescue me. There had been a rush of wings, the flash of a shimmering robe, and then, with a cool breeze, it felt like an angel had swooped down and embraced me. He held onto me just until the danger passed, and it all happened in a minute. With my manuscript back in my hands, I understood the situation better, and my reflections on it are what I meant, at the beginning of this story, by my change of heart. Mr. Pinhorn’s note was not just a strict reprimand, but also an invitation to immediately send him—it's fair to say—a genuine piece, the insightful and powerful sketch that I alone owed my wasted opportunity to. A week or two later, I rewrote my flawed paper and, tailoring it specifically to Mr. Paraday’s new book, got it published in another journal, where, I must admit, Mr. Pinhorn was somewhat justified, as it attracted absolutely no attention.
CHAPTER III.
I was frankly, at the end of three days, a very prejudiced critic, so that one morning when, in the garden, my great man had offered to read me something I quite held my breath as I listened. It was the written scheme of another book—something put aside long ago, before his illness, but that he had lately taken out again to reconsider. He had been turning it round when I came down on him, and it had grown magnificently under this second hand. Loose liberal confident, it might have passed for a great gossiping eloquent letter—the overflow into talk of an artist’s amorous plan. The theme I thought singularly rich, quite the strongest he had yet treated; and this familiar statement of it, full too of fine maturities, was really, in summarised splendour, a mine of gold, a precious independent work. I remember rather profanely wondering whether the ultimate production could possibly keep at the pitch. His reading of the fond epistle, at any rate, made me feel as if I were, for the advantage of posterity, in close correspondence with him—were the distinguished person to whom it had been affectionately addressed. It was a high distinction simply to be told such things. The idea he now communicated had all the freshness, the flushed fairness, of the conception untouched and untried: it was Venus rising from the sea and before the airs had blown upon her. I had never been so throbbingly present at such an unveiling. But when he had tossed the last bright word after the others, as I had seen cashiers in banks, weighing mounds of coin, drop a final sovereign into the tray, I knew a sudden prudent alarm.
I was, to be honest, a pretty biased critic by the end of three days, so one morning when my great man offered to read me something in the garden, I held my breath as I listened. It was a draft of another book—something he'd set aside long ago, before his illness, but had recently picked up again to reconsider. He had been reworking it when I stumbled upon him, and it had transformed magnificently in this second round. Loose, liberal, confident, it could have passed for a wonderfully casual and eloquent letter—the overflow of an artist's heartfelt plans. I thought the theme was uniquely rich, arguably the strongest he had tackled yet; and this familiar articulation of it, filled with fine insights, was really, in its summarized brilliance, a treasure trove, a valuable standalone piece. I remember somewhat irreverently wondering whether the final product could live up to this level. His reading of that affectionate letter, at least, made me feel like I was, for the benefit of future generations, in close correspondence with him—as if I were the distinguished person it was lovingly addressed to. It was a high honor just to be told such things. The idea he was sharing now had all the freshness and glowing beauty of a conception that had yet to be touched or tested: it was like Venus rising from the sea before the winds had caught her. I had never felt so intensely present at such an unveiling. But when he tossed the last shining word after the others, like I’d seen cashiers in banks drop a final sovereign into the tray after weighing mounds of coins, I felt a sudden wave of cautious concern.
“My dear master, how, after all, are you going to do it? It’s infinitely noble, but what time it will take, what patience and independence, what assured, what perfect conditions! Oh for a lone isle in a tepid sea!”
“My dear master, how are you actually going to do it? It’s incredibly noble, but think about how much time it will take, how much patience and independence, how certain and perfect the conditions need to be! Oh, to have a secluded island in a warm sea!”
“Isn’t this practically a lone isle, and aren’t you, as an encircling medium, tepid enough?” he asked, alluding with a laugh to the wonder of my young admiration and the narrow limits of his little provincial home. “Time isn’t what I’ve lacked hitherto: the question hasn’t been to find it, but to use it. Of course my illness made, while it lasted, a great hole—but I dare say there would have been a hole at any rate. The earth we tread has more pockets than a billiard-table. The great thing is now to keep on my feet.”
“Isn’t this practically a lonely island, and aren’t you, as the surrounding environment, warm enough?” he asked, joking about my youthful admiration and the limited scope of his small-town life. “I haven’t lacked time up to now: the issue hasn’t been finding it, but making use of it. Of course, my illness created a big gap while it lasted—but there would have been a gap regardless. The world we walk on has more pockets than a pool table. The important thing now is to stay on my feet.”
“That’s exactly what I mean.”
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
Neil Paraday looked at me with eyes—such pleasant eyes as he had—in which, as I now recall their expression, I seem to have seen a dim imagination of his fate. He was fifty years old, and his illness had been cruel, his convalescence slow. “It isn’t as if I weren’t all right.”
Neil Paraday looked at me with his kind eyes—eyes that I remember well—and in them, I feel like I caught a glimpse of his uncertain future. He was fifty years old, and his illness had been harsh, making his recovery a long process. “It's not like I’m not doing fine.”
“Oh if you weren’t all right I wouldn’t look at you!” I tenderly said.
“Oh, if you weren’t doing okay, I wouldn’t even look at you!” I softly said.
We had both got up, quickened as by this clearer air, and he had lighted a cigarette. I had taken a fresh one, which with an intenser smile, by way of answer to my exclamation, he applied to the flame of his match. “If I weren’t better I shouldn’t have thought of that!” He flourished his script in his hand.
We had both gotten up, energized by the fresh air, and he had lit a cigarette. I grabbed a new one, which he lit with an even bigger smile in response to my exclamation. “If I weren’t feeling better, I wouldn’t have thought of that!” He waved his script in his hand.
“I don’t want to be discouraging, but that’s not true,” I returned. “I’m sure that during the months you lay here in pain you had visitations sublime. You thought of a thousand things. You think of more and more all the while. That’s what makes you, if you’ll pardon my familiarity, so respectable. At a time when so many people are spent you come into your second wind. But, thank God, all the same, you’re better! Thank God, too, you’re not, as you were telling me yesterday, ‘successful.’ If you weren’t a failure what would be the use of trying? That’s my one reserve on the subject of your recovery—that it makes you ‘score,’ as the newspapers say. It looks well in the newspapers, and almost anything that does that’s horrible. ‘We are happy to announce that Mr. Paraday, the celebrated author, is again in the enjoyment of excellent health.’ Somehow I shouldn’t like to see it.”
“I don’t want to discourage you, but that’s just not true,” I replied. “I’m sure that during the months you spent here in pain, you had some incredible experiences. You thought about a thousand things. You keep thinking of more and more all the time. That’s what makes you, if you don’t mind me saying, so admirable. While so many people are worn out, you find your second wind. But thank God, you’re doing better! Thank God, too, that you’re not, as you mentioned yesterday, ‘successful.’ If you weren’t a failure, what would be the point of trying? That’s my only concern about your recovery—that it makes you ‘famous,’ as the newspapers put it. It looks good in the papers, and almost anything that does is terrible. ‘We are happy to announce that Mr. Paraday, the celebrated author, is once again in excellent health.’ Somehow, I wouldn’t want to see that.”
“You won’t see it; I’m not in the least celebrated—my obscurity protects me. But couldn’t you bear even to see I was dying or dead?” my host enquired.
“You won’t see it; I’m not at all famous—my obscurity keeps me safe. But couldn’t you at least handle knowing I was dying or dead?” my host asked.
“Dead—passe encore; there’s nothing so safe. One never knows what a living artist may do—one has mourned so many. However, one must make the worst of it. You must be as dead as you can.”
“Dead—still dead; there’s nothing safer. You never know what a living artist might do—so many have been mourned. But, you have to make the best of it. You need to be as dead as possible.”
“Don’t I meet that condition in having just published a book?”
“Don’t I satisfy that requirement by having just published a book?”
“Adequately, let us hope; for the book’s verily a masterpiece.”
“Let’s hope so; because the book is truly a masterpiece.”
At this moment the parlour-maid appeared in the door that opened from the garden: Paraday lived at no great cost, and the frisk of petticoats, with a timorous “Sherry, sir?” was about his modest mahogany. He allowed half his income to his wife, from whom he had succeeded in separating without redundancy of legend. I had a general faith in his having behaved well, and I had once, in London, taken Mrs. Paraday down to dinner. He now turned to speak to the maid, who offered him, on a tray, some card or note, while, agitated, excited, I wandered to the end of the precinct. The idea of his security became supremely dear to me, and I asked myself if I were the same young man who had come down a few days before to scatter him to the four winds. When I retraced my steps he had gone into the house, and the woman—the second London post had come in—had placed my letters and a newspaper on a bench. I sat down there to the letters, which were a brief business, and then, without heeding the address, took the paper from its envelope. It was the journal of highest renown, The Empire of that morning. It regularly came to Paraday, but I remembered that neither of us had yet looked at the copy already delivered. This one had a great mark on the “editorial” page, and, uncrumpling the wrapper, I saw it to be directed to my host and stamped with the name of his publishers. I instantly divined that The Empire had spoken of him, and I’ve not forgotten the odd little shock of the circumstance. It checked all eagerness and made me drop the paper a moment. As I sat there conscious of a palpitation I think I had a vision of what was to be. I had also a vision of the letter I would presently address to Mr. Pinhorn, breaking, as it were, with Mr. Pinhorn. Of course, however, the next minute the voice of The Empire was in my ears.
At that moment, the parlour maid appeared in the doorway from the garden: Paraday lived quite modestly, and the rustling of her petticoats accompanied a timid “Sherry, sir?” as she approached his simple mahogany furnishings. He gave half of his income to his wife, from whom he had managed to separate without any extravagant stories. I generally believed he had treated her well, and once, in London, I had taken Mrs. Paraday out to dinner. He now turned to speak to the maid, who offered him a tray with some card or note, while I, feeling restless and agitated, wandered to the edge of the garden. The thought of his safety became incredibly important to me, and I wondered if I was the same young man who had come just days before to disrupt his life. When I made my way back, he had gone inside, and the woman—the second London post had arrived—had set my letters and a newspaper on a bench. I took a seat there to read the letters, which were brief and business-related, and then, without looking at the address, I pulled the newspaper from its envelope. It was the prestigious journal, The Empire, from that morning. It usually came to Paraday, but I remembered that neither of us had looked at the earlier copy. This one had a noticeable mark on the “editorial” page, and as I uncrumpled the wrapper, I saw it was addressed to my host and stamped with his publishers' name. I immediately sensed that The Empire had written about him, and I can still recall the strange little shock that realization gave me. It dampened my enthusiasm and made me drop the paper for a moment. As I sat there feeling a flutter of anxiety, I think I envisioned what was to come. I also pictured the letter I would soon write to Mr. Pinhorn, effectively ending my relationship with him. However, in the next instant, the words of The Empire were ringing in my ears.
The article wasn’t, I thanked heaven, a review; it was a “leader,” the last of three, presenting Neil Paraday to the human race. His new book, the fifth from his hand, had been but a day or two out, and The Empire, already aware of it, fired, as if on the birth of a prince, a salute of a whole column. The guns had been booming these three hours in the house without our suspecting them. The big blundering newspaper had discovered him, and now he was proclaimed and anointed and crowned. His place was assigned him as publicly as if a fat usher with a wand had pointed to the topmost chair; he was to pass up and still up, higher and higher, between the watching faces and the envious sounds—away up to the dais and the throne. The article was “epoch-making,” a landmark in his life; he had taken rank at a bound, waked up a national glory. A national glory was needed, and it was an immense convenience he was there. What all this meant rolled over me, and I fear I grew a little faint—it meant so much more than I could say “yea” to on the spot. In a flash, somehow, all was different; the tremendous wave I speak of had swept something away. It had knocked down, I suppose, my little customary altar, my twinkling tapers and my flowers, and had reared itself into the likeness of a temple vast and bare. When Neil Paraday should come out of the house he would come out a contemporary. That was what had happened: the poor man was to be squeezed into his horrible age. I felt as if he had been overtaken on the crest of the hill and brought back to the city. A little more and he would have dipped down the short cut to posterity and escaped.
The article wasn’t, thank goodness, a review; it was a “leader,” the last of three, introducing Neil Paraday to the world. His new book, the fifth he had written, had been out for just a day or two, and The Empire, already aware of it, fired off a salute like it was the birth of a prince. The guns had been booming for three hours in the background without us realizing it. The big, clumsy newspaper had found him, and now he was celebrated and honored as if a portly usher with a wand had pointed him to the best seat; he was meant to rise, up and up, higher and higher, between the eager faces and the envious sounds—way up to the podium and the throne. The article was “groundbreaking,” a key moment in his life; he had suddenly gained significance and sparked national pride. A national figure was needed, and it was incredibly convenient that he was there. What all this meant overwhelmed me, and I began to feel a bit dizzy—it represented so much more than I could readily agree to. In an instant, somehow, everything changed; the massive wave I’m talking about had swept something away. It had knocked down, I guess, my little usual altar, my flickering candles and my flowers, and had transformed into something vast and empty. When Neil Paraday stepped out of the house, he would step out as a contemporary figure. That’s what had happened: the poor guy was being forced into his awful time period. I felt like he had been caught at the top of the hill and dragged back to the city. A moment more and he would have taken the shortcut to immortality and escaped.
CHAPTER IV.
When he came out it was exactly as if he had been in custody, for beside him walked a stout man with a big black beard, who, save that he wore spectacles, might have been a policeman, and in whom at a second glance I recognised the highest contemporary enterprise.
When he emerged, it felt just like he had been detained, because beside him walked a stocky guy with a thick black beard, who, except for wearing glasses, could have been a cop, and on a second look, I recognized him as the epitome of modern success.
“This is Mr. Morrow,” said Paraday, looking, I thought, rather white: “he wants to publish heaven knows what about me.”
“This is Mr. Morrow,” said Paraday, looking, I thought, kind of pale: “he wants to publish who knows what about me.”
I winced as I remembered that this was exactly what I myself had wanted. “Already?” I cried with a sort of sense that my friend had fled to me for protection.
I flinched as I recalled that this was exactly what I had wanted. “Already?” I exclaimed, feeling as if my friend had come to me for safety.
Mr. Morrow glared, agreeably, through his glasses: they suggested the electric headlights of some monstrous modern ship, and I felt as if Paraday and I were tossing terrified under his bows. I saw his momentum was irresistible. “I was confident that I should be the first in the field. A great interest is naturally felt in Mr. Paraday’s surroundings,” he heavily observed.
Mr. Morrow glared, somewhat agreeably, through his glasses: they resembled the bright headlights of some huge modern ship, and I felt like Paraday and I were scared, caught in his wake. I could see that his momentum was unstoppable. “I was sure I would be the first one on the scene. There’s a lot of interest in Mr. Paraday’s situation,” he said heavily.
“I hadn’t the least idea of it,” said Paraday, as if he had been told he had been snoring.
“I had no idea about it,” said Paraday, as if someone had just told him he was snoring.
“I find he hasn’t read the article in The Empire,” Mr. Morrow remarked to me. “That’s so very interesting—it’s something to start with,” he smiled. He had begun to pull off his gloves, which were violently new, and to look encouragingly round the little garden. As a “surrounding” I felt how I myself had already been taken in; I was a little fish in the stomach of a bigger one. “I represent,” our visitor continued, “a syndicate of influential journals, no less than thirty-seven, whose public—whose publics, I may say—are in peculiar sympathy with Mr. Paraday’s line of thought. They would greatly appreciate any expression of his views on the subject of the art he so nobly exemplifies. In addition to my connexion with the syndicate just mentioned I hold a particular commission from The Tatler, whose most prominent department, ‘Smatter and Chatter’—I dare say you’ve often enjoyed it—attracts such attention. I was honoured only last week, as a representative of The Tatler, with the confidence of Guy Walsingham, the brilliant author of ‘Obsessions.’ She pronounced herself thoroughly pleased with my sketch of her method; she went so far as to say that I had made her genius more comprehensible even to herself.”
“I see he hasn’t read the article in The Empire,” Mr. Morrow said to me. “That’s really interesting—it’s a great starting point,” he smiled. He started to take off his brightly new gloves and looked encouragingly around the little garden. I felt, in this setting, how I had already been drawn in; I was like a small fish in the belly of a bigger one. “I represent,” our visitor continued, “a syndicate of influential journals, a total of thirty-seven, whose audience—whose audiences, I should say—are particularly aligned with Mr. Paraday’s perspective. They would really appreciate any insights he might share on the art he so brilliantly embodies. Along with my connection to the syndicate I just mentioned, I have a specific commission from The Tatler, whose most popular section, ‘Smatter and Chatter’—I’m sure you’ve enjoyed it—draws a lot of attention. Just last week, as a representative of The Tatler, I was trusted by Guy Walsingham, the talented author of ‘Obsessions.’ She expressed that she was completely pleased with my overview of her approach; she even said that I had made her genius clearer to her.”
Neil Paraday had dropped on the garden-bench and sat there at once detached and confounded; he looked hard at a bare spot in the lawn, as if with an anxiety that had suddenly made him grave. His movement had been interpreted by his visitor as an invitation to sink sympathetically into a wicker chair that stood hard by, and while Mr. Morrow so settled himself I felt he had taken official possession and that there was no undoing it. One had heard of unfortunate people’s having “a man in the house,” and this was just what we had. There was a silence of a moment, during which we seemed to acknowledge in the only way that was possible the presence of universal fate; the sunny stillness took no pity, and my thought, as I was sure Paraday’s was doing, performed within the minute a great distant revolution. I saw just how emphatic I should make my rejoinder to Mr. Pinhorn, and that having come, like Mr. Morrow, to betray, I must remain as long as possible to save. Not because I had brought my mind back, but because our visitors last words were in my ear, I presently enquired with gloomy irrelevance if Guy Walsingham were a woman.
Neil Paraday dropped onto the garden bench and sat there, both detached and confused; he stared intently at a bare spot on the lawn, as if an anxiety had suddenly made him serious. His movement was interpreted by his visitor as an invitation to settle down in a nearby wicker chair, and as Mr. Morrow made himself comfortable, I felt he had officially taken over, with no way to undo it. One had heard about unfortunate people having “a man in the house,” and that’s exactly what we had. There was a brief silence during which we seemed to acknowledge, in the only way possible, the presence of universal fate; the sunny stillness offered no compassion, and I was sure that Paraday’s thoughts were also taking a deep, distant turn. I realized exactly how emphatic I needed to be in my response to Mr. Pinhorn, and that since I had come, like Mr. Morrow, to betray, I needed to stay as long as possible to save. Not because I had refocused my mind, but because the last words of our visitor lingered in my ear, I eventually asked, with a gloomy irrelevance, if Guy Walsingham was a woman.
“Oh yes, a mere pseudonym—rather pretty, isn’t it?—and convenient, you know, for a lady who goes in for the larger latitude. ‘Obsessions, by Miss So-and-so,’ would look a little odd, but men are more naturally indelicate. Have you peeped into ‘Obsessions’?” Mr. Morrow continued sociably to our companion.
“Oh yes, just a pseudonym—quite nice, right?—and it's convenient, you know, for a woman who has broader interests. ‘Obsessions, by Miss So-and-so’ would seem a bit strange, but guys tend to be more openly reckless. Have you had a look at ‘Obsessions’?” Mr. Morrow said casually to our friend.
Paraday, still absent, remote, made no answer, as if he hadn’t heard the question: a form of intercourse that appeared to suit the cheerful Mr. Morrow as well as any other. Imperturbably bland, he was a man of resources—he only needed to be on the spot. He had pocketed the whole poor place while Paraday and I were wool-gathering, and I could imagine that he had already got his “heads.” His system, at any rate, was justified by the inevitability with which I replied, to save my friend the trouble: “Dear no—he hasn’t read it. He doesn’t read such things!” I unwarily added.
Paraday, still absent and distant, didn’t respond, as if he hadn’t heard the question at all: a kind of interaction that seemed to suit the cheerful Mr. Morrow just fine. Calm and unbothered, he was a resourceful man—he just needed to be present. He had taken over the whole unfortunate place while Paraday and I were lost in thought, and I could picture him already having his “heads.” His approach, at least, was validated by how quickly I responded, to save my friend the effort: “No, of course not—he hasn’t read it. He doesn’t read that kind of stuff!” I unwittingly added.
“Things that are too far over the fence, eh?” I was indeed a godsend to Mr. Morrow. It was the psychological moment; it determined the appearance of his note-book, which, however, he at first kept slightly behind him, even as the dentist approaching his victim keeps the horrible forceps. “Mr. Paraday holds with the good old proprieties—I see!” And thinking of the thirty-seven influential journals, I found myself, as I found poor Paraday, helplessly assisting at the promulgation of this ineptitude. “There’s no point on which distinguished views are so acceptable as on this question—raised perhaps more strikingly than ever by Guy Walsingham—of the permissibility of the larger latitude. I’ve an appointment, precisely in connexion with it, next week, with Dora Forbes, author of ‘The Other Way Round,’ which everybody’s talking about. Has Mr. Paraday glanced at ‘The Other Way Round’?” Mr. Morrow now frankly appealed to me. I took on myself to repudiate the supposition, while our companion, still silent, got up nervously and walked away. His visitor paid no heed to his withdrawal; but opened out the note-book with a more fatherly pat. “Dora Forbes, I gather, takes the ground, the same as Guy Walsingham’s, that the larger latitude has simply got to come. He holds that it has got to be squarely faced. Of course his sex makes him a less prejudiced witness. But an authoritative word from Mr. Paraday—from the point of view of his sex, you know—would go right round the globe. He takes the line that we haven’t got to face it?”
“Things that are too far over the fence, huh?” I was certainly a blessing to Mr. Morrow. It was the perfect moment; it decided how his notebook would look, which he initially kept partially hidden, much like a dentist who hides the terrifying forceps from their patient. “Mr. Paraday supports the good old traditions—I see!” And thinking about the thirty-seven influential journals, I found myself, just like poor Paraday, helplessly involved in the spread of this nonsense. “There’s no topic where distinguished opinions are more welcomed than on this question—highlighted perhaps more than ever by Guy Walsingham—about whether a broader perspective is acceptable. I have an appointment next week related to this, with Dora Forbes, the author of ‘The Other Way Round,’ which everyone’s talking about. Has Mr. Paraday had a look at ‘The Other Way Round’?” Mr. Morrow now directly appealed to me. I took it upon myself to deny the assumption, while our silent companion got up nervously and walked away. His visitor didn’t pay attention to his departure but opened the notebook with a more paternal touch. “I gather that Dora Forbes takes the same stance as Guy Walsingham, that the broader perspective just has to happen. He believes we need to confront it head-on. Of course, being a man makes him a less biased witness. But an authoritative statement from Mr. Paraday—from the perspective of his gender, you know—would carry weight worldwide. He suggests that we shouldn’t confront it?”
I was bewildered: it sounded somehow as if there were three sexes. My interlocutor’s pencil was poised, my private responsibility great. I simply sat staring, none the less, and only found presence of mind to say: “Is this Miss Forbes a gentleman?”
I was confused: it almost felt like there were three genders. My conversation partner was ready to take notes, and I felt a heavy weight of responsibility. I just sat there, staring, until I finally found the courage to ask, “Is Miss Forbes a gentleman?”
Mr. Morrow had a subtle smile. “It wouldn’t be ‘Miss’—there’s a wife!”
Mr. Morrow had a slight smile. “It wouldn’t be ‘Miss’—there’s a wife!”
“I mean is she a man?”
“I mean, is she a man?”
“The wife?”—Mr. Morrow was for a moment as confused as myself. But when I explained that I alluded to Dora Forbes in person he informed me, with visible amusement at my being so out of it, that this was the “pen-name” of an indubitable male—he had a big red moustache. “He goes in for the slight mystification because the ladies are such popular favourites. A great deal of interest is felt in his acting on that idea—which is clever, isn’t it?—and there’s every prospect of its being widely imitated.” Our host at this moment joined us again, and Mr. Morrow remarked invitingly that he should be happy to make a note of any observation the movement in question, the bid for success under a lady’s name, might suggest to Mr. Paraday. But the poor man, without catching the allusion, excused himself, pleading that, though greatly honoured by his visitor’s interest, he suddenly felt unwell and should have to take leave of him—have to go and lie down and keep quiet. His young friend might be trusted to answer for him, but he hoped Mr. Morrow didn’t expect great things even of his young friend. His young friend, at this moment, looked at Neil Paraday with an anxious eye, greatly wondering if he were doomed to be ill again; but Paraday’s own kind face met his question reassuringly, seemed to say in a glance intelligible enough: “Oh I’m not ill, but I’m scared: get him out of the house as quietly as possible.” Getting newspaper-men out of the house was odd business for an emissary of Mr. Pinhorn, and I was so exhilarated by the idea of it that I called after him as he left us: “Read the article in The Empire and you’ll soon be all right!”
“The wife?”—Mr. Morrow looked momentarily as confused as I was. But when I clarified that I was referring to Dora Forbes, he told me, clearly amused by my cluelessness, that this was the “pen-name” of a definite male—he had a big red mustache. “He plays into the slight mystery because the ladies are such popular favorites. A lot of interest surrounds his strategy—which *is* clever, right?—and it’s likely to be imitated widely.” Just then, our host joined us again, and Mr. Morrow invitingly said he’d be glad to note any thoughts the movement in question, the push for success under a woman’s name, might spark in Mr. Paraday. But the poor man, not catching the reference, excused himself, saying that while he felt honored by his visitor’s interest, he suddenly felt unwell and would need to take his leave—he needed to lie down and rest. He trusted his young friend to speak for him but hoped Mr. Morrow didn’t expect too much from him. His young friend, at that moment, looked at Neil Paraday with concern, wondering if he was going to be sick again; but Paraday’s kind expression met his gaze reassuringly, seeming to convey silently: “Oh, I’m not sick, but I’m worried: get him out of the house as quietly as you can.” Getting newspaper people out of the house was strange work for an emissary of Mr. Pinhorn, and I was so energized by the thought that I called after him as he exited: “Read the article in *The Empire* and you’ll be fine soon!”
CHAPTER V.
“Delicious my having come down to tell him of it!” Mr. Morrow ejaculated. “My cab was at the door twenty minutes after The Empire had been laid on my breakfast-table. Now what have you got for me?” he continued, dropping again into his chair, from which, however, he the next moment eagerly rose. “I was shown into the drawing-room, but there must be more to see—his study, his literary sanctum, the little things he has about, or other domestic objects and features. He wouldn’t be lying down on his study-table? There’s a great interest always felt in the scene of an author’s labours. Sometimes we’re favoured with very delightful peeps. Dora Forbes showed me all his table-drawers, and almost jammed my hand into one into which I made a dash! I don’t ask that of you, but if we could talk things over right there where he sits I feel as if I should get the keynote.”
“Delicious that I came down to tell him about it!” Mr. Morrow exclaimed. “My cab was at the door twenty minutes after The Empire was placed on my breakfast table. Now, what do you have for me?” he continued, dropping back into his chair, from which he eagerly rose a moment later. “I was shown into the drawing room, but there must be more to see—his study, his literary sanctuary, the little things he has around, or other homey objects and features. He wouldn’t be lying down on his study table, would he? There’s always a great interest in an author’s workspace. Sometimes we’re treated to delightful glimpses. Dora Forbes showed me all his desk drawers and nearly smashed my hand into one when I reached for it! I don’t expect that from you, but if we could discuss things right there where he works, I feel like I’d get the main idea.”
I had no wish whatever to be rude to Mr. Morrow, I was much too initiated not to tend to more diplomacy; but I had a quick inspiration, and I entertained an insurmountable, an almost superstitious objection to his crossing the threshold of my friend’s little lonely shabby consecrated workshop. “No, no—we shan’t get at his life that way,” I said. “The way to get at his life is to—But wait a moment!” I broke off and went quickly into the house, whence I in three minutes reappeared before Mr. Morrow with the two volumes of Paraday’s new book. “His life’s here,” I went on, “and I’m so full of this admirable thing that I can’t talk of anything else. The artist’s life’s his work, and this is the place to observe him. What he has to tell us he tells us with this perfection. My dear sir, the best interviewer is the best reader.”
I really didn't want to be rude to Mr. Morrow; I was way too experienced to not handle things with more diplomacy. But I suddenly had a strong feeling, almost a superstitious urge, against him stepping into my friend's small, lonely, and kind of shabby workshop. “No, no—we won’t get to his life that way,” I said. “The way to understand his life is to—But hold on a second!” I paused and quickly went into the house, then came back in three minutes with the two volumes of Paraday’s new book. “His life is here,” I continued, “and I’m so excited about this amazing work that I can’t think about anything else. The artist’s life is his work, and this is the perfect place to observe him. What he has to say, he expresses with this perfection. My dear sir, the best interviewer is also the best reader.”
Mr. Morrow good-humouredly protested. “Do you mean to say that no other source of information should be open to us?”
Mr. Morrow cheerfully protested. “Are you saying that we shouldn't have access to any other sources of information?”
“None other till this particular one—by far the most copious—has been quite exhausted. Have you exhausted it, my dear sir? Had you exhausted it when you came down here? It seems to me in our time almost wholly neglected, and something should surely be done to restore its ruined credit. It’s the course to which the artist himself at every step, and with such pathetic confidence, refers us. This last book of Mr. Paraday’s is full of revelations.”
“None other until this one—by far the most detailed—has been completely explored. Have you explored it, my dear sir? Had you explored it when you arrived here? It seems to me that in our time it’s almost completely overlooked, and we should definitely take steps to restore its damaged reputation. It's the direction that the artist himself, at every turn and with such heartfelt confidence, points us towards. This latest book from Mr. Paraday is filled with insights.”
“Revelations?” panted Mr. Morrow, whom I had forced again into his chair.
“Revelations?” gasped Mr. Morrow, whom I had pushed back into his chair.
“The only kind that count. It tells you with a perfection that seems to me quite final all the author thinks, for instance, about the advent of the ‘larger latitude.’”
“The only type that matters. It clearly expresses, with a finality that feels complete, everything the author believes, for example, about the arrival of the ‘larger latitude.’”
“Where does it do that?” asked Mr. Morrow, who had picked up the second volume and was insincerely thumbing it.
“Where does it do that?” asked Mr. Morrow, who had picked up the second volume and was pretending to browse through it.
“Everywhere—in the whole treatment of his case. Extract the opinion, disengage the answer—those are the real acts of homage.”
“Everywhere—in the entire handling of his case. Pull out the opinion, separate the answer—those are the true acts of respect.”
Mr. Morrow, after a minute, tossed the book away. “Ah but you mustn’t take me for a reviewer.”
Mr. Morrow, after a moment, threw the book aside. “Ah, but you shouldn’t consider me a reviewer.”
“Heaven forbid I should take you for anything so dreadful! You came down to perform a little act of sympathy, and so, I may confide to you, did I. Let us perform our little act together. These pages overflow with the testimony we want: let us read them and taste them and interpret them. You’ll of course have perceived for yourself that one scarcely does read Neil Paraday till one reads him aloud; he gives out to the ear an extraordinary full tone, and it’s only when you expose it confidently to that test that you really get near his style. Take up your book again and let me listen, while you pay it out, to that wonderful fifteenth chapter. If you feel you can’t do it justice, compose yourself to attention while I produce for you—I think I can!—this scarcely less admirable ninth.”
“Heaven forbid I should think of you as anything so awful! You came down to show a little kindness, and, I must admit, so did I. Let’s do our small act together. These pages are filled with the evidence we need: let’s read them, savor them, and interpret them. You’ve probably noticed yourself that you can hardly read Neil Paraday until you read him out loud; he has an amazing richness to his voice, and it’s only when you confidently put it to that test that you really get a sense of his style. Pick up your book again and let me listen while you share that incredible fifteenth chapter. If you feel you can’t do it justice, focus while I take the opportunity to present for you—I think I can!—this nearly as impressive ninth.”
Mr. Morrow gave me a straight look which was as hard as a blow between the eyes; he had turned rather red, and a question had formed itself in his mind which reached my sense as distinctly as if he had uttered it: “What sort of a damned fool are you?” Then he got up, gathering together his hat and gloves, buttoning his coat, projecting hungrily all over the place the big transparency of his mask. It seemed to flare over Fleet Street and somehow made the actual spot distressingly humble: there was so little for it to feed on unless he counted the blisters of our stucco or saw his way to do something with the roses. Even the poor roses were common kinds. Presently his eyes fell on the manuscript from which Paraday had been reading to me and which still lay on the bench. As my own followed them I saw it looked promising, looked pregnant, as if it gently throbbed with the life the reader had given it. Mr. Morrow indulged in a nod at it and a vague thrust of his umbrella. “What’s that?”
Mr. Morrow gave me a hard look that hit me like a punch in the face; he had turned a bit red, and a question formed in his mind that felt as clear as if he had said it out loud: “What kind of fool are you?” Then he stood up, gathered his hat and gloves, and buttoned his coat, his large mask looming over everything. It seemed to overshadow Fleet Street and made the actual place feel painfully small: there was so little for it to latch onto unless he counted the blisters on our stucco or thought about what to do with the roses. Even the poor roses were just ordinary. Soon, his eyes landed on the manuscript that Paraday had been reading to me, which still lay on the bench. As I followed his gaze, I saw it looked promising, almost alive, as if it gently pulsed with the energy the reader had given it. Mr. Morrow nodded at it and vaguely gestured with his umbrella. “What’s that?”
“Oh, it’s a plan—a secret.”
“Oh, it’s a plan—secret.”
“A secret!” There was an instant’s silence, and then Mr. Morrow made another movement. I may have been mistaken, but it affected me as the translated impulse of the desire to lay hands on the manuscript, and this led me to indulge in a quick anticipatory grab which may very well have seemed ungraceful, or even impertinent, and which at any rate left Mr. Paraday’s two admirers very erect, glaring at each other while one of them held a bundle of papers well behind him. An instant later Mr. Morrow quitted me abruptly, as if he had really carried something off with him. To reassure myself, watching his broad back recede, I only grasped my manuscript the tighter. He went to the back door of the house, the one he had come out from, but on trying the handle he appeared to find it fastened. So he passed round into the front garden, and by listening intently enough I could presently hear the outer gate close behind him with a bang. I thought again of the thirty-seven influential journals and wondered what would be his revenge. I hasten to add that he was magnanimous: which was just the most dreadful thing he could have been. The Tatler published a charming chatty familiar account of Mr. Paraday’s “Home-life,” and on the wings of the thirty-seven influential journals it went, to use Mr. Morrow’s own expression, right round the globe.
“A secret!” There was a moment of silence, and then Mr. Morrow moved again. I might have been mistaken, but it felt like a strong urge to grab the manuscript, which led me to make a quick, eager attempt to snatch it. This may have seemed awkward or even rude, and it definitely left Mr. Paraday’s two admirers standing stiffly, glaring at each other while one of them held a pile of papers behind him. A moment later, Mr. Morrow left me abruptly, as if he had actually taken something with him. To reassure myself, and as I watched his broad back fade away, I tightened my grip on my manuscript. He headed to the back door of the house, the one he had come out from, but when he tried the handle, it seemed to be locked. So he walked around to the front garden, and if I listened closely enough, I could soon hear the outer gate slam shut behind him. I thought again about the thirty-seven influential journals and wondered what his response would be. I should mention that he was generous, which was honestly the worst thing he could have been. The Tatler published a delightful and casual article about Mr. Paraday’s “Home-life,” and riding the momentum of the thirty-seven influential journals, it went, as Mr. Morrow would put it, right around the globe.
CHAPTER VI.
A week later, early in May, my glorified friend came up to town, where, it may be veraciously recorded he was the king of the beasts of the year. No advancement was ever more rapid, no exaltation more complete, no bewilderment more teachable. His book sold but moderately, though the article in The Empire had done unwonted wonders for it; but he circulated in person to a measure that the libraries might well have envied. His formula had been found—he was a “revelation.” His momentary terror had been real, just as mine had been—the overclouding of his passionate desire to be left to finish his work. He was far from unsociable, but he had the finest conception of being let alone that I’ve ever met. For the time, none the less, he took his profit where it seemed most to crowd on him, having in his pocket the portable sophistries about the nature of the artist’s task. Observation too was a kind of work and experience a kind of success; London dinners were all material and London ladies were fruitful toil. “No one has the faintest conception of what I’m trying for,” he said to me, “and not many have read three pages that I’ve written; but I must dine with them first—they’ll find out why when they’ve time.” It was rather rude justice perhaps; but the fatigue had the merit of being a new sort, while the phantasmagoric town was probably after all less of a battlefield than the haunted study. He once told me that he had had no personal life to speak of since his fortieth year, but had had more than was good for him before. London closed the parenthesis and exhibited him in relations; one of the most inevitable of these being that in which he found himself to Mrs. Weeks Wimbush, wife of the boundless brewer and proprietress of the universal menagerie. In this establishment, as everybody knows, on occasions when the crush is great, the animals rub shoulders freely with the spectators and the lions sit down for whole evenings with the lambs.
A week later, early in May, my overhyped friend came to town, where it can honestly be said he was the king of the scene that year. No rise was ever so quick, no excitement so complete, no confusion more instructive. His book sold just okay, even though the article in The Empire had worked wonders for it; but he personally circulated enough that the libraries would have envied him. He had found his formula—he was a “revelation.” His momentary fear had been real, just like mine—the overwhelming desire to be left alone to finish his work. He wasn’t unsociable, but he had the best understanding of needing space that I’ve ever seen. For the time being, though, he took advantage of where it seemed most profitable, carrying around clever justifications about the nature of an artist's job. Observation was also a kind of work, and experience was a kind of success; London dinners were all material, and London ladies were hard work. “No one has the slightest idea of what I’m aiming for,” he said to me, “and not many have read three pages of what I’ve written; but I have to dine with them first—they’ll understand why when they have time.” It might have been a bit harsh, but the exhaustion had the benefit of being a new kind, while the surreal city was probably less of a battleground than a haunted study. He once told me he hadn’t had a personal life worth mentioning since he turned forty, but he had more than enough before that. London closed that chapter and showed him in his relationships; one of the most natural of these was with Mrs. Weeks Wimbush, the wife of the wealthy brewer and owner of the famous menagerie. In this establishment, as everyone knows, during busy times, the animals mingle freely with the spectators, and the lions spend whole evenings with the lambs.
It had been ominously clear to me from the first that in Neil Paraday this lady, who, as all the world agreed, was tremendous fun, considered that she had secured a prime attraction, a creature of almost heraldic oddity. Nothing could exceed her enthusiasm over her capture, and nothing could exceed the confused apprehensions it excited in me. I had an instinctive fear of her which I tried without effect to conceal from her victim, but which I let her notice with perfect impunity. Paraday heeded it, but she never did, for her conscience was that of a romping child. She was a blind violent force to which I could attach no more idea of responsibility than to the creaking of a sign in the wind. It was difficult to say what she conduced to but circulation. She was constructed of steel and leather, and all I asked of her for our tractable friend was not to do him to death. He had consented for a time to be of india-rubber, but my thoughts were fixed on the day he should resume his shape or at least get back into his box. It was evidently all right, but I should be glad when it was well over. I had a special fear—the impression was ineffaceable of the hour when, after Mr. Morrow’s departure, I had found him on the sofa in his study. That pretext of indisposition had not in the least been meant as a snub to the envoy of The Tatler—he had gone to lie down in very truth. He had felt a pang of his old pain, the result of the agitation wrought in him by this forcing open of a new period. His old programme, his old ideal even had to be changed. Say what one would, success was a complication and recognition had to be reciprocal. The monastic life, the pious illumination of the missal in the convent cell were things of the gathered past. It didn’t engender despair, but at least it required adjustment. Before I left him on that occasion we had passed a bargain, my part of which was that I should make it my business to take care of him. Let whoever would represent the interest in his presence (I must have had a mystical prevision of Mrs. Weeks Wimbush) I should represent the interest in his work—or otherwise expressed in his absence. These two interests were in their essence opposed; and I doubt, as youth is fleeting, if I shall ever again know the intensity of joy with which I felt that in so good a cause I was willing to make myself odious.
It was clear to me from the start that in Neil Paraday, this woman—who everyone agreed was a lot of fun—thought she had snagged a big catch, a person of nearly iconic weirdness. Her excitement about her find was unmatched, as were the mixed feelings it stirred in me. I had an instinctive fear of her that I tried in vain to hide from her target, but that she picked up on with no trouble at all. Paraday noticed it, but she never did, as her conscience was that of a carefree child. She was a wild, uncontrollable force to which I couldn’t attribute any more sense of responsibility than the creaking of a sign in the wind. It was hard to say what she contributed to, except perhaps just stirring things up. She seemed made of steel and leather, and all I wanted from her for our adaptable friend was that she wouldn’t completely crush him. He had agreed to be flexible for a while, but my mind was focused on the day he would take his real shape again or at least get back in his box. It seemed fine for now, but I’d be glad when it was all behind us. I had a particular fear—the memory was vivid of the moment when, after Mr. Morrow left, I found him on the sofa in his study. That excuse of feeling unwell was definitely not meant to dismiss the representative from The Tatler—he had really gone to lie down. He had felt a stab of his old pain, a result of the turmoil created by this new phase of life. His old plans, even his old ideals had to change. No matter what anyone said, success brought its own complications, and recognition had to go both ways. The solitary life, the sacred experience of the missal in the convent cell belonged to the past. It didn’t bring despair, but it definitely needed some adjusting. Before I left him that day, we made an agreement, my part being to take care of him. Let whoever wanted to represent his presence (I must have had a mystical glimpse of Mrs. Weeks Wimbush) I would take care of his work—or, in other words, represent his absence. These two interests were fundamentally opposed; and I doubt, as youth is short-lived, if I will ever again feel the same level of joy that made me willing to be seen as unlikable for such a good cause.
One day in Sloane Street I found myself questioning Paraday’s landlord, who had come to the door in answer to my knock. Two vehicles, a barouche and a smart hansom, were drawn up before the house.
One day on Sloane Street, I found myself questioning Paraday’s landlord, who had come to the door when I knocked. Two vehicles, a carriage and a sleek cab, were parked in front of the house.
“In the drawing-room, sir? Mrs. Weeks Wimbush.”
“In the living room, sir? Mrs. Weeks Wimbush.”
“And in the dining-room?”
“And in the dining room?”
“A young lady, sir—waiting: I think a foreigner.”
“A young woman, sir—waiting: I think she's a foreigner.”
It was three o’clock, and on days when Paraday didn’t lunch out he attached a value to these appropriated hours. On which days, however, didn’t the dear man lunch out? Mrs. Wimbush, at such a crisis, would have rushed round immediately after her own repast. I went into the dining-room first, postponing the pleasure of seeing how, upstairs, the lady of the barouche would, on my arrival, point the moral of my sweet solicitude. No one took such an interest as herself in his doing only what was good for him, and she was always on the spot to see that he did it. She made appointments with him to discuss the best means of economising his time and protecting his privacy. She further made his health her special business, and had so much sympathy with my own zeal for it that she was the author of pleasing fictions on the subject of what my devotion had led me to give up. I gave up nothing (I don’t count Mr. Pinhorn) because I had nothing, and all I had as yet achieved was to find myself also in the menagerie. I had dashed in to save my friend, but I had only got domesticated and wedged; so that I could do little more for him than exchange with him over people’s heads looks of intense but futile intelligence.
It was three o’clock, and on days when Paraday didn’t eat out for lunch, he made sure to make good use of those hours. But which days did the poor guy actually not eat out? During moments like these, Mrs. Wimbush would have rushed over right after her own meal. I entered the dining room first, putting off the pleasure of seeing how, upstairs, the lady with the fancy carriage would, upon my arrival, express the moral of my sweet concern. No one cared as much as she did about him doing what was best for him, and she was always there to ensure he did it. She scheduled meetings with him to discuss the best ways to save time and protect his privacy. She also took his health very seriously and was so supportive of my own enthusiasm for it that she created nice little stories about what my dedication had made me give up. I didn’t really give up anything (I don’t count Mr. Pinhorn) because I didn’t have anything, and all I had done so far was find myself in the same situation. I had rushed in to save my friend but had only gotten comfortable and stuck, so all I could do for him was exchange knowing looks of intense yet pointless understanding over people’s heads.
CHAPTER VII.
The young lady in the dining-room had a brave face, black hair, blue eyes, and in her lap a big volume. “I’ve come for his autograph,” she said when I had explained to her that I was under bonds to see people for him when he was occupied. “I’ve been waiting half an hour, but I’m prepared to wait all day.” I don’t know whether it was this that told me she was American, for the propensity to wait all day is not in general characteristic of her race. I was enlightened probably not so much by the spirit of the utterance as by some quality of its sound. At any rate I saw she had an individual patience and a lovely frock, together with an expression that played among her pretty features like a breeze among flowers. Putting her book on the table she showed me a massive album, showily bound and full of autographs of price. The collection of faded notes, of still more faded “thoughts,” of quotations, platitudes, signatures, represented a formidable purpose.
The young woman in the dining room wore a confident face, had black hair, blue eyes, and a large book in her lap. “I’ve come for his autograph,” she said when I explained that I was obligated to see people for him while he was busy. “I’ve been waiting half an hour, but I’m ready to wait all day.” I’m not sure if it was this that made me think she was American, since waiting all day isn’t usually typical for her nationality. I was probably influenced not so much by the words themselves but by some quality in the way she spoke. In any case, I noticed she had a unique patience and a beautiful dress, along with an expression that danced among her lovely features like a breeze through flowers. Setting her book down on the table, she revealed a hefty album, impressively bound and filled with valuable autographs. The collection of faded notes, even more faded “thoughts,” quotes, clichés, and signatures represented a serious endeavor.
I could only disclose my dread of it. “Most people apply to Mr. Paraday by letter, you know.”
I could only share my fear about it. “Most people reach out to Mr. Paraday by letter, you know.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t answer. I’ve written three times.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t respond. I’ve written three times.”
“Very true,” I reflected; “the sort of letter you mean goes straight into the fire.”
“Very true,” I thought; “the kind of letter you’re talking about goes straight into the trash.”
“How do you know the sort I mean?” My interlocutress had blushed and smiled, and in a moment she added: “I don’t believe he gets many like them!”
“How do you know the type I mean?” My conversation partner blushed and smiled, and a moment later she added: “I don’t think he gets many like that!”
“I’m sure they’re beautiful, but he burns without reading.” I didn’t add that I had convinced him he ought to.
“I’m sure they’re beautiful, but he struggles without reading.” I didn’t mention that I had convinced him he should.
“Isn’t he then in danger of burning things of importance?”
“Isn’t he at risk of damaging things that matter?”
“He would perhaps be so if distinguished men hadn’t an infallible nose for nonsense.”
“He might be if distinguished people didn’t have a perfect sense for nonsense.”
She looked at me a moment—her face was sweet and gay. “Do you burn without reading too?”—in answer to which I assured her that if she’d trust me with her repository I’d see that Mr. Paraday should write his name in it.
She looked at me for a moment—her face was bright and cheerful. “Do you burn without reading too?”—to which I assured her that if she’d let me take care of her journal, I’d make sure Mr. Paraday would write his name in it.
She considered a little. “That’s very well, but it wouldn’t make me see him.”
She thought for a moment. "That’s great, but it wouldn’t change the fact that I can’t see him."
“Do you want very much to see him?” It seemed ungracious to catechise so charming a creature, but somehow I had never yet taken my duty to the great author so seriously.
“Do you really want to see him?” It felt rude to interrogate such a delightful person, but somehow I had never truly taken my responsibility to the great author as seriously as I should.
“Enough to have come from America for the purpose.”
“Enough to have come from America for that reason.”
I stared. “All alone?”
I stared. "All by yourself?"
“I don’t see that that’s exactly your business, but if it will make me more seductive I’ll confess that I’m quite by myself. I had to come alone or not come at all.”
“I don’t think that’s really your business, but if it’ll help make me more attractive, I’ll admit that I’m completely solo. I had to come alone or not come at all.”
She was interesting; I could imagine she had lost parents, natural protectors—could conceive even she had inherited money. I was at a pass of my own fortunes when keeping hansoms at doors seemed to me pure swagger. As a trick of this bold and sensitive girl, however, it became romantic—a part of the general romance of her freedom, her errand, her innocence. The confidence of young Americans was notorious, and I speedily arrived at a conviction that no impulse could have been more generous than the impulse that had operated here. I foresaw at that moment that it would make her my peculiar charge, just as circumstances had made Neil Paraday. She would be another person to look after, so that one’s honour would be concerned in guiding her straight. These things became clearer to me later on; at the instant I had scepticism enough to observe to her, as I turned the pages of her volume, that her net had all the same caught many a big fish. She appeared to have had fruitful access to the great ones of the earth; there were people moreover whose signatures she had presumably secured without a personal interview. She couldn’t have worried George Washington and Friedrich Schiller and Hannah More. She met this argument, to my surprise, by throwing up the album without a pang. It wasn’t even her own; she was responsible for none of its treasures. It belonged to a girl-friend in America, a young lady in a western city. This young lady had insisted on her bringing it, to pick up more autographs: she thought they might like to see, in Europe, in what company they would be. The “girl-friend,” the western city, the immortal names, the curious errand, the idyllic faith, all made a story as strange to me, and as beguiling, as some tale in the Arabian Nights. Thus it was that my informant had encumbered herself with the ponderous tome; but she hastened to assure me that this was the first time she had brought it out. For her visit to Mr. Paraday it had simply been a pretext. She didn’t really care a straw that he should write his name; what she did want was to look straight into his face.
She was intriguing; I could picture her having lost her parents, natural protectors—I could even imagine she had inherited some money. I was at a turning point in my own life when hailing cabs at doors felt like pure show-off behavior. Yet for this bold and sensitive girl, it became romantic—a part of the overall charm of her freedom, her mission, her innocence. The confidence of young Americans was well-known, and I quickly convinced myself that no impulse could have been more generous than the one at play here. I sensed at that moment that she would become my special responsibility, just as circumstances had made Neil Paraday mine. She would be another person to look after, making it essential for me to guide her properly. I understood these things better later on; at the moment, I was skeptical enough to point out to her, while flipping through her book, that her collection had definitely caught quite a few big names. She seemed to have had worthwhile access to influential people; there were also signatures she presumably got without ever meeting them. There was no way she had bothered George Washington, Friedrich Schiller, and Hannah More. To my surprise, she countered this idea by tossing the album aside without a care. It wasn't even hers; she wasn’t accountable for any of its contents. It belonged to a girl friend in America, a young lady from a western city. This girl friend had insisted she bring it along to gather more autographs: she thought they might like to see, in Europe, the company they kept. The “girl friend,” the western city, the legendary names, the curious mission, the naive belief, all created a story that felt as strange and captivating to me as a tale from the Arabian Nights. This was how my informant ended up burdened with the heavy book; but she quickly reassured me that this was the first time she had taken it out. For her visit to Mr. Paraday, it had simply been an excuse. She didn’t really care at all if he signed it; what she truly wanted was to look him straight in the eye.
I demurred a little. “And why do you require to do that?”
I hesitated for a moment. “And why do you need to do that?”
“Because I just love him!” Before I could recover from the agitating effect of this crystal ring my companion had continued: “Hasn’t there ever been any face that you’ve wanted to look into?”
“Because I just love him!” Before I could recover from the overwhelming effect of this crystal ring, my companion continued: “Hasn’t there ever been a face you’ve wanted to look into?”
How could I tell her so soon how much I appreciated the opportunity of looking into hers? I could only assent in general to the proposition that there were certainly for every one such yearnings, and even such faces; and I felt the crisis demand all my lucidity, all my wisdom. “Oh yes, I’m a student of physiognomy. Do you mean,” I pursued, “that you’ve a passion for Mr. Paraday’s books?”
How could I tell her so soon how much I appreciated the opportunity of looking into hers? I could only agree in general that everyone has such yearnings, and even such faces; and I felt the moment demanded all my clarity, all my insight. “Oh yes, I’m studying facial expressions. Do you mean,” I continued, “that you have a passion for Mr. Paraday’s books?”
“They’ve been everything to me and a little more beside—I know them by heart. They’ve completely taken hold of me. There’s no author about whom I’m in such a state as I’m in about Neil Paraday.”
“They’ve meant everything to me and then some—I know them by heart. They’ve completely captivated me. There’s no author I feel as strongly about as I do about Neil Paraday.”
“Permit me to remark then,” I presently returned, “that you’re one of the right sort.”
“Let me just say then,” I replied, “that you’re one of the good ones.”
“One of the enthusiasts? Of course I am!”
"Am I one of the enthusiasts? Absolutely!"
“Oh there are enthusiasts who are quite of the wrong. I mean you’re one of those to whom an appeal can be made.”
“Oh, there are definitely some fans who are completely misguided. I mean, you’re one of those people who can actually be reached.”
“An appeal?” Her face lighted as if with the chance of some great sacrifice.
“An appeal?” Her face lit up as if she had a chance for some big sacrifice.
If she was ready for one it was only waiting for her, and in a moment I mentioned it. “Give up this crude purpose of seeing him! Go away without it. That will be far better.”
If she was ready for one, it was just waiting for her, and soon I brought it up. “Stop this silly plan of seeing him! Just leave without it. That would be so much better.”
She looked mystified, then turned visibly pale. “Why, hasn’t he any personal charm?” The girl was terrible and laughable in her bright directness.
She looked confused, then turned noticeably pale. “Doesn't he have any personal charm?” The girl was both awful and amusing in her bold honesty.
“Ah that dreadful word ‘personally’!” I wailed; “we’re dying of it, for you women bring it out with murderous effect. When you meet with a genius as fine as this idol of ours let him off the dreary duty of being a personality as well. Know him only by what’s best in him and spare him for the same sweet sake.”
“Ah that awful word ‘personally’!” I complained; “we’re suffering from it, because you women bring it up with such a harmful effect. When you encounter a genius as great as our beloved idol, let him escape the boring obligation of being a personality too. Appreciate him only for his best qualities and spare him for that same lovely reason.”
My young lady continued to look at me in confusion and mistrust, and the result of her reflexion on what I had just said was to make her suddenly break out: “Look here, sir—what’s the matter with him?”
My young lady kept looking at me in confusion and distrust, and after thinking about what I had just said, she suddenly blurted out, “Hey, what’s wrong with him?”
“The matter with him is that if he doesn’t look out people will eat a great hole in his life.”
“The issue with him is that if he doesn’t pay attention, people will take a big chunk out of his life.”
She turned it over. “He hasn’t any disfigurement?”
She turned it over. “He doesn't have any scars or deformities?”
“Nothing to speak of!”
"Nothing much!"
“Do you mean that social engagements interfere with his occupations?”
“Are you saying that social events get in the way of his work?”
“That but feebly expresses it.”
"That barely expresses it."
“So that he can’t give himself up to his beautiful imagination?”
“So that he can't lose himself in his beautiful imagination?”
“He’s beset, badgered, bothered—he’s pulled to pieces on the pretext of being applauded. People expect him to give them his time, his golden time, who wouldn’t themselves give five shillings for one of his books.”
“He's overwhelmed, pressured, annoyed—he’s ripped apart under the guise of being celebrated. People expect him to dedicate his time, his valuable time, when who wouldn’t want to pay five shillings for one of his books?”
“Five? I’d give five thousand!”
“Five? I’d give five grand!”
“Give your sympathy—give your forbearance. Two-thirds of those who approach him only do it to advertise themselves.”
“Show your sympathy—show your patience. About two-thirds of those who come to him are just doing it to promote themselves.”
“Why it’s too bad!” the girl exclaimed with the face of an angel. “It’s the first time I was ever called crude!” she laughed.
“Why is that so unfortunate!” the girl exclaimed, her face angelic. “This is the first time anyone has ever called me rude!” she laughed.
I followed up my advantage. “There’s a lady with him now who’s a terrible complication, and who yet hasn’t read, I’m sure, ten pages he ever wrote.”
I capitalized on my advantage. “There’s a woman with him now who’s a real problem, and I’m sure she hasn’t read more than ten pages of anything he ever wrote.”
My visitor’s wide eyes grew tenderer. “Then how does she talk—?”
My visitor's wide eyes became softer. "Then how does she talk—?"
“Without ceasing. I only mention her as a single case. Do you want to know how to show a superlative consideration? Simply avoid him.”
“Without stopping. I only bring her up as one example. Do you want to know how to show an exceptional level of respect? Just ignore him.”
“Avoid him?” she despairingly breathed.
"Avoid him?" she said despairingly.
“Don’t force him to have to take account of you; admire him in silence, cultivate him at a distance and secretly appropriate his message. Do you want to know,” I continued, warming to my idea, “how to perform an act of homage really sublime?” Then as she hung on my words: “Succeed in never seeing him at all!”
“Don’t push him to notice you; admire him quietly, support him from afar, and secretly take in his message. Do you want to know,” I continued, getting more excited about my idea, “how to pay a truly amazing tribute?” Then, as she listened intently, I added, “Make sure you never see him at all!”
“Never at all?”—she suppressed a shriek for it.
“Never at all?”—she held back a scream at that.
“The more you get into his writings the less you’ll want to, and you’ll be immensely sustained by the thought of the good you’re doing him.”
“The more you dive into his writings, the less you'll want to, and you'll feel really uplifted by the idea of the good you're doing for him.”
She looked at me without resentment or spite, and at the truth I had put before her with candour, credulity, pity. I was afterwards happy to remember that she must have gathered from my face the liveliness of my interest in herself. “I think I see what you mean.”
She looked at me without any bitterness or anger, and at the truth I had shared with honesty, naivety, and sympathy. I was later glad to recall that she must have sensed from my expression how genuinely interested I was in her. "I think I understand what you mean."
“Oh I express it badly, but I should be delighted if you’d let me come to see you—to explain it better.”
“Oh, I know I’m not saying this well, but I’d be really happy if you’d let me come visit you—to explain it better.”
She made no response to this, and her thoughtful eyes fell on the big album, on which she presently laid her hands as if to take it away. “I did use to say out West that they might write a little less for autographs—to all the great poets, you know—and study the thoughts and style a little more.”
She didn’t respond to this, and her thoughtful eyes landed on the big album, which she then reached for as if to take it. “I used to say out West that they could write a little less for autographs—from all the great poets, you know—and focus more on the thoughts and style.”
“What do they care for the thoughts and style? They didn’t even understand you. I’m not sure,” I added, “that I do myself, and I dare say that you by no means make me out.”
“What do they care about your thoughts and style? They didn’t even get you. I’m not sure,” I added, “that I understand you either, and I’m sure you don’t quite get me.”
She had got up to go, and though I wanted her to succeed in not seeing Neil Paraday I wanted her also, inconsequently, to remain in the house. I was at any rate far from desiring to hustle her off. As Mrs. Weeks Wimbush, upstairs, was still saving our friend in her own way, I asked my young lady to let me briefly relate, in illustration of my point, the little incident of my having gone down into the country for a profane purpose and been converted on the spot to holiness. Sinking again into her chair to listen she showed a deep interest in the anecdote. Then thinking it over gravely she returned with her odd intonation: “Yes, but you do see him!” I had to admit that this was the case; and I wasn’t so prepared with an effective attenuation as I could have wished. She eased the situation off, however, by the charming quaintness with which she finally said: “Well, I wouldn’t want him to be lonely!” This time she rose in earnest, but I persuaded her to let me keep the album to show Mr. Paraday. I assured her I’d bring it back to her myself. “Well, you’ll find my address somewhere in it on a paper!” she sighed all resignedly at the door.
She had gotten up to leave, and while I wanted her to avoid seeing Neil Paraday, I also, somewhat inexplicably, wanted her to stay in the house. I definitely didn’t want to push her out. Since Mrs. Weeks Wimbush, upstairs, was still trying to help our friend in her own way, I asked my young lady if I could briefly share a little story about how I went down to the country for a questionable reason and ended up being converted to holiness right there. Settling back into her chair to listen, she showed a strong interest in the tale. After thinking it over seriously, she responded with her unique tone: “Yes, but you do see him!” I had to admit that was true, but I wasn’t quite as prepared with a clever response as I would have liked. However, she lightened the mood with her charmingly quirky comment: “Well, I wouldn’t want him to be lonely!” This time, she genuinely stood up to leave, but I convinced her to let me hold onto the album to show Mr. Paraday. I promised I'd return it to her myself. “Well, you’ll find my address somewhere in it on a piece of paper!” she sighed, resigned, as she stood at the door.
CHAPTER VIII.
I blush to confess it, but I invited Mr. Paraday that very day to transcribe into the album one of his most characteristic passages. I told him how I had got rid of the strange girl who had brought it—her ominous name was Miss Hurter and she lived at an hotel; quite agreeing with him moreover as to the wisdom of getting rid with equal promptitude of the book itself. This was why I carried it to Albemarle Street no later than on the morrow. I failed to find her at home, but she wrote to me and I went again; she wanted so much to hear more about Neil Paraday. I returned repeatedly, I may briefly declare, to supply her with this information. She had been immensely taken, the more she thought of it, with that idea of mine about the act of homage: it had ended by filling her with a generous rapture. She positively desired to do something sublime for him, though indeed I could see that, as this particular flight was difficult, she appreciated the fact that my visits kept her up. I had it on my conscience to keep her up: I neglected nothing that would contribute to it, and her conception of our cherished author’s independence became at last as fine as his very own. “Read him, read him—that will be an education in decency,” I constantly repeated; while, seeking him in his works even as God in nature, she represented herself as convinced that, according to my assurance, this was the system that had, as she expressed it, weaned her. We read him together when I could find time, and the generous creature’s sacrifice was fed by our communion. There were twenty selfish women about whom I told her and who stirred her to a beautiful rage. Immediately after my first visit her sister, Mrs. Milsom, came over from Paris, and the two ladies began to present, as they called it, their letters. I thanked our stars that none had been presented to Mr. Paraday. They received invitations and dined out, and some of these occasions enabled Fanny Hurter to perform, for consistency’s sake, touching feats of submission. Nothing indeed would now have induced her even to look at the object of her admiration. Once, hearing his name announced at a party, she instantly left the room by another door and then straightway quitted the house. At another time when I was at the opera with them—Mrs. Milsom had invited me to their box—I attempted to point Mr. Paraday out to her in the stalls. On this she asked her sister to change places with her and, while that lady devoured the great man through a powerful glass, presented, all the rest of the evening, her inspired back to the house. To torment her tenderly I pressed the glass upon her, telling her how wonderfully near it brought our friend’s handsome head. By way of answer she simply looked at me in charged silence, letting me see that tears had gathered in her eyes. These tears, I may remark, produced an effect on me of which the end is not yet. There was a moment when I felt it my duty to mention them to Neil Paraday, but I was deterred by the reflexion that there were questions more relevant to his happiness.
I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I invited Mr. Paraday that very day to write in the album one of his most notable passages. I told him how I had gotten rid of the strange girl who had brought it—her ominous name was Miss Hurter, and she was staying at a hotel. I agreed with him about the wisdom of promptly getting rid of the book itself. That’s why I took it to Albemarle Street the very next day. I couldn’t find her at home, but she wrote to me, and I went back; she was really eager to hear more about Neil Paraday. I kept returning, as I can briefly say, to provide her with this information. The more she thought about my idea of honoring him, the more it filled her with a generous excitement. She genuinely wanted to do something great for him, although I could tell that since this particular ambition was difficult, she appreciated that my visits kept her spirits up. I felt it was my responsibility to keep her spirits high: I did everything I could to help with this, and her understanding of our beloved author’s independence became just as refined as his own. “Read him, read him—that will be an education in decency,” I constantly repeated; while, seeking him in his works as one seeks God in nature, she convinced herself that, according to my assurance, this was the system that had, as she put it, weaned her. We read him together whenever I could find the time, and the generous woman’s sacrifice was nurtured by our connection. There were twenty selfish women I told her about that stirred her into a beautiful rage. Immediately after my first visit, her sister, Mrs. Milsom, came over from Paris, and the two ladies started to present, as they called it, their letters. I was so grateful that none had been presented to Mr. Paraday. They received invitations and dined out, and some of those occasions allowed Fanny Hurter to pretend, for the sake of consistency, to be submissive. Nothing would now induce her to even look at the object of her admiration. Once, hearing his name announced at a party, she immediately left the room through another door and then quickly left the house. Another time, when I was at the opera with them—Mrs. Milsom had invited me to their box—I tried to point Mr. Paraday out to her in the stalls. She asked her sister to switch places with her, and while that lady examined the great man through a powerful glass, Fanny showed her inspired back to the house for the rest of the evening. To tease her lightly, I urged the glass on her, telling her how wonderfully close it brought our friend's handsome face. In response, she simply looked at me in heavy silence, showing me that tears had gathered in her eyes. These tears, I may note, had an effect on me that’s still ongoing. There was a moment when I felt I should mention them to Neil Paraday, but I was held back by the thought that there were more pertinent questions regarding his happiness.
These question indeed, by the end of the season, were reduced to a single one—the question of reconstituting so far as might be possible the conditions under which he had produced his best work. Such conditions could never all come back, for there was a new one that took up too much place; but some perhaps were not beyond recall. I wanted above all things to see him sit down to the subject he had, on my making his acquaintance, read me that admirable sketch of. Something told me there was no security but in his doing so before the new factor, as we used to say at Mr. Pinhorn’s, should render the problem incalculable. It only half-reassured me that the sketch itself was so copious and so eloquent that even at the worst there would be the making of a small but complete book, a tiny volume which, for the faithful, might well become an object of adoration. There would even not be wanting critics to declare, I foresaw, that the plan was a thing to be more thankful for than the structure to have been reared on it. My impatience for the structure, none the less, grew and grew with the interruptions. He had on coming up to town begun to sit for his portrait to a young painter, Mr. Rumble, whose little game, as we also used to say at Mr. Pinhorn’s, was to be the first to perch on the shoulders of renown. Mr. Rumble’s studio was a circus in which the man of the hour, and still more the woman, leaped through the hoops of his showy frames almost as electrically as they burst into telegrams and “specials.” He pranced into the exhibitions on their back; he was the reporter on canvas, the Vandyke up to date, and there was one roaring year in which Mrs. Bounder and Miss Braby, Guy Walsingham and Dora Forbes proclaimed in chorus from the same pictured walls that no one had yet got ahead of him.
These questions, by the end of the season, had really boiled down to one main issue: how to recreate, as much as possible, the conditions under which he had done his best work. Those conditions could never all return, since there was a new element that took up too much space; but perhaps some were still within reach. Above all, I wanted to see him tackle the subject he had read to me that amazing sketch about when we first met. Something told me the only way to ensure success was for him to start working on it before this new factor made the situation impossible to manage. I felt only somewhat reassured that the sketch itself was so rich and expressive that, even if things went poorly, it could still turn into a small but complete book—a little volume that, for devoted fans, could become something to cherish. I even anticipated that there would be critics who would claim that the concept was worth more than the actual structure built from it. Still, my impatience for the final piece grew with every interruption. When he arrived in town, he had begun sitting for a portrait with a young painter, Mr. Rumble, whose goal, as we also used to say, was to be the first to ride the wave of fame. Mr. Rumble’s studio was a spectacle where the stars of the moment, especially the women, jumped through the hoops of his flashy frames almost as quickly as they sent out telegrams and "specials." He would stride into exhibitions on their coattails; he was the reporter on canvas, the modern-day Vandyke, and there was one year when Mrs. Bounder, Miss Braby, Guy Walsingham, and Dora Forbes all sang from the same painted walls, claiming no one had yet surpassed him.
Paraday had been promptly caught and saddled, accepting with characteristic good-humour his confidential hint that to figure in his show was not so much a consequence as a cause of immortality. From Mrs. Wimbush to the last “representative” who called to ascertain his twelve favourite dishes, it was the same ingenuous assumption that he would rejoice in the repercussion. There were moments when I fancied I might have had more patience with them if they hadn’t been so fatally benevolent. I hated at all events Mr. Rumble’s picture, and had my bottled resentment ready when, later on, I found my distracted friend had been stuffed by Mrs. Wimbush into the mouth of another cannon. A young artist in whom she was intensely interested, and who had no connexion with Mr. Rumble, was to show how far he could make him go. Poor Paraday, in return, was naturally to write something somewhere about the young artist. She played her victims against each other with admirable ingenuity, and her establishment was a huge machine in which the tiniest and the biggest wheels went round to the same treadle. I had a scene with her in which I tried to express that the function of such a man was to exercise his genius—not to serve as a hoarding for pictorial posters. The people I was perhaps angriest with were the editors of magazines who had introduced what they called new features, so aware were they that the newest feature of all would be to make him grind their axes by contributing his views on vital topics and taking part in the periodical prattle about the future of fiction. I made sure that before I should have done with him there would scarcely be a current form of words left me to be sick of; but meanwhile I could make surer still of my animosity to bustling ladies for whom he drew the water that irrigated their social flower-beds.
Paraday was quickly caught and saddled, accepting with his usual good humor the hint that being part of his show wasn’t so much a result as a reason for immortality. From Mrs. Wimbush to the last “representative” who came to learn his twelve favorite dishes, there was the same naive belief that he would be thrilled by the impact. There were times when I thought I might have been more patient with them if they hadn’t been so annoyingly kind. I definitely hated Mr. Rumble’s picture and had my bottled resentment ready when, later, I discovered my distracted friend had been shoved by Mrs. Wimbush into yet another cannon's mouth. A young artist, who she was really interested in and who had no connection to Mr. Rumble, was going to show how far he could push him. In return, Paraday was expected to write something somewhere about the young artist. She cleverly played her victims against each other, and her setup was a massive machine where the smallest and the largest wheels all turned to the same rhythm. I had a confrontation with her where I tried to express that a man like him should be exercising his genius—not just standing around to promote pictorial posters. The group I was probably angriest with were the magazine editors who introduced what they called new features, fully aware that the newest feature of all would be to make him share his opinions on important topics and participate in the endless chatter about the future of fiction. I was determined that by the time I was done with him, there wouldn’t be a current phrase left for me to be annoyed by; but in the meantime, I could definitely be more certain of my dislike for the busy ladies who relied on him to water their social gardens.
I had a battle with Mrs. Wimbush over the artist she protected, and another over the question of a certain week, at the end of July, that Mr. Paraday appeared to have contracted to spend with her in the country. I protested against this visit; I intimated that he was too unwell for hospitality without a nuance, for caresses without imagination; I begged he might rather take the time in some restorative way. A sultry air of promises, of ponderous parties, hung over his August, and he would greatly profit by the interval of rest. He hadn’t told me he was ill again that he had had a warning; but I hadn’t needed this, for I found his reticence his worst symptom. The only thing he said to me was that he believed a comfortable attack of something or other would set him up: it would put out of the question everything but the exemptions he prized. I’m afraid I shall have presented him as a martyr in a very small cause if I fail to explain that he surrendered himself much more liberally than I surrendered him. He filled his lungs, for the most part; with the comedy of his queer fate: the tragedy was in the spectacles through which I chose to look. He was conscious of inconvenience, and above all of a great renouncement; but how could he have heard a mere dirge in the bells of his accession? The sagacity and the jealousy were mine, and his the impressions and the harvest. Of course, as regards Mrs. Wimbush, I was worsted in my encounters, for wasn’t the state of his health the very reason for his coming to her at Prestidge? Wasn’t it precisely at Prestidge that he was to be coddled, and wasn’t the dear Princess coming to help her to coddle him? The dear Princess, now on a visit to England, was of a famous foreign house, and, in her gilded cage, with her retinue of keepers and feeders, was the most expensive specimen in the good lady’s collection. I don’t think her august presence had had to do with Paraday’s consenting to go, but it’s not impossible he had operated as a bait to the illustrious stranger. The party had been made up for him, Mrs. Wimbush averred, and every one was counting on it, the dear Princess most of all. If he was well enough he was to read them something absolutely fresh, and it was on that particular prospect the Princess had set her heart. She was so fond of genius in any walk of life, and was so used to it and understood it so well: she was the greatest of Mr. Paraday’s admirers, she devoured everything he wrote. And then he read like an angel. Mrs. Wimbush reminded me that he had again and again given her, Mrs. Wimbush, the privilege of listening to him.
I had a clash with Mrs. Wimbush over the artist she was so protective of, and another disagreement about a certain week at the end of July when Mr. Paraday seemed to have agreed to spend time with her in the countryside. I protested against this visit; I suggested that he was too unwell for casual hospitality, for affection without thought; I asked that he use that time in a more restorative way. A sticky atmosphere of expectations and heavy gatherings loomed over his August, and he would really benefit from a break. He hadn't told me he was sick again or that he'd had a warning; but I didn’t need that, as I thought his silence was the worst sign. The only thing he mentioned was that he believed a comfortable bout of something would help him: it would eliminate any worries except for the ones he cared about. I’m afraid I may have painted him as a martyr in a minor situation if I don’t clarify that he gave in more freely than I did with him. He mostly filled his lungs with the humor of his unusual fate: the tragedy was in how I chose to see things. He was aware of the inconvenience, and especially of a big sacrifice; but how could he hear just a mournful sound in the bells of his advancement? The wisdom and jealousy were mine, while he had the experiences and the rewards. Of course, as far as Mrs. Wimbush was concerned, I lost our arguments since wasn’t his health the exact reason for him going to stay with her at Prestidge? Wasn’t it at Prestidge that he was supposed to be pampered, and wasn’t the dear Princess coming to help her with that? The dear Princess, currently visiting England, was from a well-known foreign family and, in her ornate surroundings, with her entourage of caretakers, was the most extravagant addition to the lady’s collection. I don’t think her important presence influenced Paraday's decision to go, but it’s possible he might have been a draw for the distinguished visitor. The gathering had been organized for him, Mrs. Wimbush insisted, and everyone was looking forward to it, especially the dear Princess. If he was well enough, he was supposed to read them something completely new, and it was that specific possibility that the Princess was enthusiastic about. She adored talent in any field and was very familiar with it: she was the biggest fan of Mr. Paraday, eagerly consuming everything he wrote. And he read like an angel. Mrs. Wimbush reminded me that he had repeatedly given her the privilege of listening to him.
I looked at her a moment. “What has he read to you?” I crudely enquired.
I glanced at her for a moment. “What has he read to you?” I asked bluntly.
For a moment too she met my eyes, and for the fraction of a moment she hesitated and coloured. “Oh all sorts of things!”
For a brief moment, she looked into my eyes, and for just a split second, she hesitated and blushed. “Oh, all kinds of things!”
I wondered if this were an imperfect recollection or only a perfect fib, and she quite understood my unuttered comment on her measure of such things. But if she could forget Neil Paraday’s beauties she could of course forget my rudeness, and three days later she invited me, by telegraph, to join the party at Prestidge. This time she might indeed have had a story about what I had given up to be near the master. I addressed from that fine residence several communications to a young lady in London, a young lady whom, I confess, I quitted with reluctance and whom the reminder of what she herself could give up was required to make me quit at all. It adds to the gratitude I owe her on other grounds that she kindly allows me to transcribe from my letters a few of the passages in which that hateful sojourn is candidly commemorated.
I wondered if this was an imperfect memory or just a complete lie, and she totally got my unspoken thoughts on how she judged things like that. But if she could forget Neil Paraday’s charms, she could definitely forget my rudeness, and three days later she invited me, via telegraph, to join the group at Prestidge. This time she might actually have had a story about what I had given up to be close to the master. From that lovely place, I sent several messages to a young woman in London, someone I admit I left with reluctance and who needed to remind me of what she could also give up to make me leave at all. It adds to the gratitude I owe her for other reasons that she generously lets me share a few excerpts from my letters where I honestly mention that dreadful stay.
CHAPTER IX.
“I suppose I ought to enjoy the joke of what’s going on here,” I wrote, “but somehow it doesn’t amuse me. Pessimism on the contrary possesses me and cynicism deeply engages. I positively feel my own flesh sore from the brass nails in Neil Paraday’s social harness. The house is full of people who like him, as they mention, awfully, and with whom his talent for talking nonsense has prodigious success. I delight in his nonsense myself; why is it therefore that I grudge these happy folk their artless satisfaction? Mystery of the human heart—abyss of the critical spirit! Mrs. Wimbush thinks she can answer that question, and as my want of gaiety has at last worn out her patience she has given me a glimpse of her shrewd guess. I’m made restless by the selfishness of the insincere friend—I want to monopolise Paraday in order that he may push me on. To be intimate with him is a feather in my cap; it gives me an importance that I couldn’t naturally pretend to, and I seek to deprive him of social refreshment because I fear that meeting more disinterested people may enlighten him as to my real motive. All the disinterested people here are his particular admirers and have been carefully selected as such. There’s supposed to be a copy of his last book in the house, and in the hall I come upon ladies, in attitudes, bending gracefully over the first volume. I discreetly avert my eyes, and when I next look round the precarious joy has been superseded by the book of life. There’s a sociable circle or a confidential couple, and the relinquished volume lies open on its face and as dropped under extreme coercion. Somebody else presently finds it and transfers it, with its air of momentary desolation, to another piece of furniture. Every one’s asking every one about it all day, and every one’s telling every one where they put it last. I’m sure it’s rather smudgy about the twentieth page. I’ve a strong impression, too, that the second volume is lost—has been packed in the bag of some departing guest; and yet everybody has the impression that somebody else has read to the end. You see therefore that the beautiful book plays a great part in our existence. Why should I take the occasion of such distinguished honours to say that I begin to see deeper into Gustave Flaubert’s doleful refrain about the hatred of literature? I refer you again to the perverse constitution of man.
“I guess I should appreciate the irony of what’s happening here,” I wrote, “but oddly enough, it doesn’t make me laugh. On the contrary, I’m filled with pessimism and consumed by cynicism. I can feel my own skin aching from the brass nails in Neil Paraday’s social harness. The house is packed with people who really like him, as they say, and his knack for talking nonsense is incredibly effective with them. I enjoy his nonsense myself; so why do I begrudge these happy people their simple satisfaction? What a mystery the human heart is—what a pit the critical spirit is! Mrs. Wimbush thinks she knows the answer to that question, and since my lack of cheer has finally worn her patience thin, she’s given me a glimpse of her clever guess. I feel restless because of the selfishness of the insincere friend—I want to have Paraday all to myself so he can help me up. Being close to him is a feather in my cap; it gives me a significance that I could never fake, and I try to keep him from socializing because I’m afraid that meeting genuinely unselfish people might reveal my true intentions. All the genuine people here are his biggest fans and have been carefully chosen as such. There’s supposed to be a copy of his latest book in the house, and in the hall, I find ladies gracefully leaning over the first volume. I discreetly look away, and when I glance back, their fleeting joy has been replaced by the realities of life. There’s a friendly group or a private couple, and the abandoned book lies open, as if dropped under great pressure. Someone else soon finds it and moves it, with its air of momentary despair, to another piece of furniture. Everyone is asking everyone else about it all day, and everyone is telling everyone where they last saw it. I’m certain it’s a bit smudged around the twentieth page. I have a strong feeling that the second volume is lost—packed in a departing guest’s bag; yet everyone seems to think someone else has read it to the end. So you see, this beautiful book plays a huge role in our lives. Why should I take this opportunity to express that I’m starting to understand Gustave Flaubert’s gloomy refrain about the disdain for literature? I refer you again to the complicated nature of humanity.”
“The Princess is a massive lady with the organisation of an athlete and the confusion of tongues of a valet de place. She contrives to commit herself extraordinarily little in a great many languages, and is entertained and conversed with in detachments and relays, like an institution which goes on from generation to generation or a big building contracted for under a forfeit. She can’t have a personal taste any more than, when her husband succeeds, she can have a personal crown, and her opinion on any matter is rusty and heavy and plain—made, in the night of ages, to last and be transmitted. I feel as if I ought to ‘tip’ some custode for my glimpse of it. She has been told everything in the world and has never perceived anything, and the echoes of her education respond awfully to the rash footfall—I mean the casual remark—in the cold Valhalla of her memory. Mrs. Wimbush delights in her wit and says there’s nothing so charming as to hear Mr. Paraday draw it out. He’s perpetually detailed for this job, and he tells me it has a peculiarly exhausting effect. Every one’s beginning—at the end of two days—to sidle obsequiously away from her, and Mrs. Wimbush pushes him again and again into the breach. None of the uses I have yet seen him put to infuriate me quite so much. He looks very fagged and has at last confessed to me that his condition makes him uneasy—has even promised me he’ll go straight home instead of returning to his final engagements in town. Last night I had some talk with him about going to-day, cutting his visit short; so sure am I that he’ll be better as soon as he’s shut up in his lighthouse. He told me that this is what he would like to do; reminding me, however, that the first lesson of his greatness has been precisely that he can’t do what he likes. Mrs. Wimbush would never forgive him if he should leave her before the Princess has received the last hand. When I hint that a violent rupture with our hostess would be the best thing in the world for him he gives me to understand that if his reason assents to the proposition his courage hangs woefully back. He makes no secret of being mortally afraid of her, and when I ask what harm she can do him that she hasn’t already done he simply repeats: ‘I’m afraid, I’m afraid! Don’t enquire too closely,’ he said last night; ‘only believe that I feel a sort of terror. It’s strange, when she’s so kind! At any rate, I’d as soon overturn that piece of priceless Sèvres as tell her I must go before my date.’ It sounds dreadfully weak, but he has some reason, and he pays for his imagination, which puts him (I should hate it) in the place of others and makes him feel, even against himself, their feelings, their appetites, their motives. It’s indeed inveterately against himself that he makes his imagination act. What a pity he has such a lot of it! He’s too beastly intelligent. Besides, the famous reading’s still to come off, and it has been postponed a day to allow Guy Walsingham to arrive. It appears this eminent lady’s staying at a house a few miles off, which means of course that Mrs. Wimbush has forcibly annexed her. She’s to come over in a day or two—Mrs. Wimbush wants her to hear Mr. Paraday.
“The Princess is a big woman with the athletic organization and speech confusion of a bellboy. She manages to say surprisingly little in a lot of languages and interacts in pieces and segments, like an institution that carries on from generation to generation or a large contract made under strict terms. She can’t have personal tastes, just as when her husband succeeds, she can’t have a personal crown, and her opinions on anything are outdated, heavy, and straightforward—crafted in the dawn of time to endure and be passed down. I feel like I should 'tip' someone for my chance to see it. She has been told everything in the world but has never really understood anything, and the echoes of her education respond dreadfully to the careless comment in the cold storage of her memory. Mrs. Wimbush enjoys her wit and says there’s nothing as charming as listening to Mr. Paraday bring it out. He is constantly assigned to this task, and he tells me it has a particularly draining effect. Everyone is starting, after two days, to sidle away from her, and Mrs. Wimbush keeps pushing him back into the fray. None of the ways I’ve seen him used annoy me quite as much. He looks very worn out and has finally admitted to me that his state makes him uneasy—he’s even promised to go straight home instead of finishing his final commitments in town. Last night, I talked to him about leaving today, cutting his visit short, sure that he’d feel better as soon as he was in his own space. He told me that this is what he’d like to do; however, he reminded me that the first lesson of his significance has been that he can’t always do what he wants. Mrs. Wimbush wouldn’t forgive him if he left before the Princess had her last moment. When I suggest that a dramatic break with our host would be the best thing for him, he lets me know that while his mind agrees with the idea, his courage is seriously hesitating. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s terrified of her, and when I ask what she can do that she hasn’t already done, he simply repeats: ‘I’m afraid, I’m afraid! Don’t ask too many questions,’ he said last night; ‘just believe that I feel a kind of dread. It’s odd, since she’s so kind! Anyway, I’d rather break that priceless piece of Sèvres than tell her I have to leave before my time.’ It sounds pretty weak, but he has his reasons, and he pays for his imagination, which puts him (I’d hate it) in others’ positions and makes him feel their emotions, desires, and motivations, even when it’s against his own interests. It’s truly against himself that he lets his imagination work. What a shame he has so much of it! He’s incredibly intelligent. Plus, the much-anticipated reading is still to come, and it has been postponed a day to let Guy Walsingham arrive. It seems this prominent lady is staying a few miles away, meaning of course that Mrs. Wimbush has forced her way into her schedule. She’s supposed to come over in a day or two—Mrs. Wimbush wants her to hear Mr. Paraday.”
“To-day’s wet and cold, and several of the company, at the invitation of the Duke, have driven over to luncheon at Bigwood. I saw poor Paraday wedge himself, by command, into the little supplementary seat of a brougham in which the Princess and our hostess were already ensconced. If the front glass isn’t open on his dear old back perhaps he’ll survive. Bigwood, I believe, is very grand and frigid, all marble and precedence, and I wish him well out of the adventure. I can’t tell you how much more and more your attitude to him, in the midst of all this, shines out by contrast. I never willingly talk to these people about him, but see what a comfort I find it to scribble to you! I appreciate it—it keeps me warm; there are no fires in the house. Mrs. Wimbush goes by the calendar, the temperature goes by the weather, the weather goes by God knows what, and the Princess is easily heated. I’ve nothing but my acrimony to warm me, and have been out under an umbrella to restore my circulation. Coming in an hour ago I found Lady Augusta Minch rummaging about the hall. When I asked her what she was looking for she said she had mislaid something that Mr. Paraday had lent her. I ascertained in a moment that the article in question is a manuscript, and I’ve a foreboding that it’s the noble morsel he read me six weeks ago. When I expressed my surprise that he should have bandied about anything so precious (I happen to know it’s his only copy—in the most beautiful hand in all the world) Lady Augusta confessed to me that she hadn’t had it from himself, but from Mrs. Wimbush, who had wished to give her a glimpse of it as a salve for her not being able to stay and hear it read.
"Today it's wet and cold, and several people, at the Duke's invitation, have driven over for lunch at Bigwood. I saw poor Paraday squeeze himself, by order, into the little extra seat of a carriage where the Princess and our hostess were already settled. If the front glass isn’t open on his dear old back, maybe he’ll be okay. I believe Bigwood is very grand and cold, all marble and hierarchy, and I hope he gets through this adventure unscathed. I can’t tell you how much your attitude toward him, in all this, stands out in contrast. I never like to talk to these people about him, but look at how comforting it is to write to you! I appreciate it—it keeps me warm; there aren’t any fires in the house. Mrs. Wimbush relies on the calendar, the temperature follows the weather, the weather depends on who knows what, and the Princess easily gets overheated. I have nothing but my bitterness to keep me warm, and I was out under an umbrella trying to get my circulation going. When I came in an hour ago, I found Lady Augusta Minch searching around the hall. When I asked her what she was looking for, she said she had misplaced something that Mr. Paraday had lent her. I quickly figured out that the item in question is a manuscript, and I have a bad feeling that it’s the precious piece he read to me six weeks ago. When I expressed my surprise that he would pass around something so valuable (I know it’s his only copy—in the most beautiful handwriting in the world), Lady Augusta admitted to me that she hadn’t gotten it from him directly, but from Mrs. Wimbush, who wanted to show her a glimpse of it as a consolation for not being able to stay and hear it read."
“‘Is that the piece he’s to read,’ I asked, ‘when Guy Walsingham arrives?’
“‘Is that the piece he’s supposed to read,’ I asked, ‘when Guy Walsingham gets here?’
“‘It’s not for Guy Walsingham they’re waiting now, it’s for Dora Forbes,’ Lady Augusta said. ‘She’s coming, I believe, early to-morrow. Meanwhile Mrs. Wimbush has found out about him, and is actively wiring to him. She says he also must hear him.’
“‘They’re not waiting for Guy Walsingham anymore; it’s for Dora Forbes,’ Lady Augusta said. ‘I think she’s coming early tomorrow. In the meantime, Mrs. Wimbush has discovered the truth about him and is busy sending messages. She insists he needs to hear from him too.’”
“‘You bewilder me a little,’ I replied; ‘in the age we live in one gets lost among the genders and the pronouns. The clear thing is that Mrs. Wimbush doesn’t guard such a treasure so jealously as she might.’
“‘You confuse me a bit,’ I replied; ‘in the world we live in, you can get lost among the genders and the pronouns. The obvious thing is that Mrs. Wimbush doesn’t protect such a treasure as carefully as she could.’”
“‘Poor dear, she has the Princess to guard! Mr. Paraday lent her the manuscript to look over.’
“‘Poor thing, she has the Princess to protect! Mr. Paraday lent her the manuscript to review.’”
“‘She spoke, you mean, as if it were the morning paper?’
“‘She spoke, you mean, as if it were the morning news?’”
“Lady Augusta stared—my irony was lost on her. ‘She didn’t have time, so she gave me a chance first; because unfortunately I go to-morrow to Bigwood.’
“Lady Augusta stared—she didn’t get my sarcasm. ‘She didn’t have time, so she let me go first; because unfortunately, I’m leaving for Bigwood tomorrow.’”
“‘And your chance has only proved a chance to lose it?’
“‘So your opportunity has just turned out to be a chance to lose it?’”
“‘I haven’t lost it. I remember now—it was very stupid of me to have forgotten. I told my maid to give it to Lord Dorimont—or at least to his man.’
“‘I haven’t lost it. I remember now—it was really stupid of me to have forgotten. I told my maid to give it to Lord Dorimont—or at least to his servant.’”
“‘And Lord Dorimont went away directly after luncheon.’
“‘And Lord Dorimont left right after lunch.’”
“‘Of course he gave it back to my maid—or else his man did,’ said Lady Augusta. ‘I dare say it’s all right.’
“‘Of course he returned it to my maid—or his guy did,’ said Lady Augusta. ‘I’m sure it’s all good.’”
“The conscience of these people is like a summer sea. They haven’t time to look over a priceless composition; they’ve only time to kick it about the house. I suggested that the ‘man,’ fired with a noble emulation, had perhaps kept the work for his own perusal; and her ladyship wanted to know whether, if the thing shouldn’t reappear for the grand occasion appointed by our hostess, the author wouldn’t have something else to read that would do just as well. Their questions are too delightful! I declared to Lady Augusta briefly that nothing in the world can ever do so well as the thing that does best; and at this she looked a little disconcerted. But I added that if the manuscript had gone astray our little circle would have the less of an effort of attention to make. The piece in question was very long—it would keep them three hours.
“The conscience of these people is like a summer sea. They don’t have time to appreciate a priceless piece of work; they only have time to toss it around the house. I suggested that the ‘man,’ driven by a noble desire, might have kept the work for his own enjoyment; and her ladyship wanted to know whether, if the piece didn’t show up for the big event planned by our hostess, the author wouldn’t have something else to read that would be just as good. Their questions are so entertaining! I told Lady Augusta that nothing in the world can ever be as good as the best piece; and at this, she looked a bit taken aback. But I added that if the manuscript had gotten lost, our little group would have to put in less effort to pay attention. The piece in question was very long—it would take them three hours.”
“‘Three hours! Oh the Princess will get up!’ said Lady Augusta.
“‘Three hours! Oh, the Princess will wake up!’ said Lady Augusta."
“‘I thought she was Mr. Paraday’s greatest admirer.’
“I thought she was Mr. Paraday’s biggest fan.”
“‘I dare say she is—she’s so awfully clever. But what’s the use of being a Princess—’
“‘I bet she is—she’s so incredibly clever. But what’s the point of being a Princess—’”
“‘If you can’t dissemble your love?’ I asked as Lady Augusta was vague. She said at any rate she’d question her maid; and I’m hoping that when I go down to dinner I shall find the manuscript has been recovered.”
“‘If you can’t disguise your love?’ I asked as Lady Augusta was being unclear. She said she’d ask her maid anyway; and I’m hoping that when I head down to dinner, I’ll find the manuscript has been found.”
CHAPTER X.
“It has not been recovered,” I wrote early the next day, “and I’m moreover much troubled about our friend. He came back from Bigwood with a chill and, being allowed to have a fire in his room, lay down a while before dinner. I tried to send him to bed and indeed thought I had put him in the way of it; but after I had gone to dress Mrs. Wimbush came up to see him, with the inevitable result that when I returned I found him under arms and flushed and feverish, though decorated with the rare flower she had brought him for his button-hole. He came down to dinner, but Lady Augusta Minch was very shy of him. To-day he’s in great pain, and the advent of ces dames—I mean of Guy Walsingham and Dora Forbes—doesn’t at all console me. It does Mrs. Wimbush, however, for she has consented to his remaining in bed so that he may be all right to-morrow for the listening circle. Guy Walsingham’s already on the scene, and the Doctor for Paraday also arrived early. I haven’t yet seen the author of ‘Obsessions,’ but of course I’ve had a moment by myself with the Doctor. I tried to get him to say that our invalid must go straight home—I mean to-morrow or next day; but he quite refuses to talk about the future. Absolute quiet and warmth and the regular administration of an important remedy are the points he mainly insists on. He returns this afternoon, and I’m to go back to see the patient at one o’clock, when he next takes his medicine. It consoles me a little that he certainly won’t be able to read—an exertion he was already more than unfit for. Lady Augusta went off after breakfast, assuring me her first care would be to follow up the lost manuscript. I can see she thinks me a shocking busybody and doesn’t understand my alarm, but she’ll do what she can, for she’s a good-natured woman. ‘So are they all honourable men.’ That was precisely what made her give the thing to Lord Dorimont and made Lord Dorimont bag it. What use he has for it God only knows. I’ve the worst forebodings, but somehow I’m strangely without passion—desperately calm. As I consider the unconscious, the well-meaning ravages of our appreciative circle I bow my head in submission to some great natural, some universal accident; I’m rendered almost indifferent, in fact quite gay (ha-ha!) by the sense of immitigable fate. Lady Augusta promises me to trace the precious object and let me have it through the post by the time Paraday’s well enough to play his part with it. The last evidence is that her maid did give it to his lordship’s valet. One would suppose it some thrilling number of The Family Budget. Mrs. Wimbush, who’s aware of the accident, is much less agitated by it than she would doubtless be were she not for the hour inevitably engrossed with Guy Walsingham.”
“It has not been found,” I wrote early the next day, “and I’m really worried about our friend. He came back from Bigwood feeling unwell and, since he was allowed to have a fire in his room, laid down for a bit before dinner. I tried to send him to bed and thought I’d succeeded; but after I went to get dressed, Mrs. Wimbush came up to see him, and when I returned, I found him alert and flushed and feverish, even though he was wearing the rare flower she had brought him for his buttonhole. He came down for dinner, but Lady Augusta Minch was quite shy around him. Today he’s in a lot of pain, and the arrival of the ladies—I mean Guy Walsingham and Dora Forbes—doesn’t comfort me at all. However, it does comfort Mrs. Wimbush, as she has agreed to let him stay in bed so he can be well enough for the listening circle tomorrow. Guy Walsingham is already here, and the Doctor for Paraday arrived early too. I haven’t seen the author of ‘Obsessions’ yet, but I’ve had a moment alone with the Doctor. I tried to get him to agree that our patient should go straight home—I mean tomorrow or the next day; but he flat out refuses to discuss the future. He mainly insists on complete quiet and warmth and giving him an important remedy on schedule. He’ll be back this afternoon, and I’m supposed to check on the patient at one o'clock when he takes his next dose. It consoles me a little that he definitely won’t be able to read—an effort he was already more than unfit for. Lady Augusta left after breakfast, assuring me her top priority would be to pursue the lost manuscript. I can tell she thinks I’m an awful busybody and doesn’t grasp my concern, but she’ll do what she can, since she’s a nice person. ‘So are they all honorable men.’ That’s exactly why she gave it to Lord Dorimont and why Lord Dorimont agreed to take it. What use he has for it, only God knows. I have the worst feelings about this, but somehow I feel strangely calm—almost desperately so. As I think about the unintentional, well-meaning chaos caused by our appreciative group, I bow my head in submission to some great natural, universal accident; I’m left almost indifferent, in fact quite cheerful (ha-ha!) by the sense of inevitable fate. Lady Augusta promises to track down the precious object and mail it to me by the time Paraday is well enough to use it. The last update is that her maid did hand it off to his lordship’s valet. One would assume it’s some exciting issue of The Family Budget. Mrs. Wimbush, who knows about the incident, is much less upset by it than she would surely be if she weren’t currently preoccupied with Guy Walsingham.”
Later in the day I informed my correspondent, for whom indeed I kept a loose diary of the situation, that I had made the acquaintance of this celebrity and that she was a pretty little girl who wore her hair in what used to be called a crop. She looked so juvenile and so innocent that if, as Mr. Morrow had announced, she was resigned to the larger latitude, her superiority to prejudice must have come to her early. I spent most of the day hovering about Neil Paraday’s room, but it was communicated to me from below that Guy Walsingham, at Prestidge, was a success. Toward evening I became conscious somehow that her superiority was contagious, and by the time the company separated for the night I was sure the larger latitude had been generally accepted. I thought of Dora Forbes and felt that he had no time to lose. Before dinner I received a telegram from Lady Augusta Minch. “Lord Dorimont thinks he must have left bundle in train—enquire.” How could I enquire—if I was to take the word as a command? I was too worried and now too alarmed about Neil Paraday. The Doctor came back, and it was an immense satisfaction to me to be sure he was wise and interested. He was proud of being called to so distinguished a patient, but he admitted to me that night that my friend was gravely ill. It was really a relapse, a recrudescence of his old malady. There could be no question of moving him: we must at any rate see first, on the spot, what turn his condition would take. Meanwhile, on the morrow, he was to have a nurse. On the morrow the dear man was easier, and my spirits rose to such cheerfulness that I could almost laugh over Lady Augusta’s second telegram: “Lord Dorimont’s servant been to station—nothing found. Push enquiries.” I did laugh, I’m sure, as I remembered this to be the mystic scroll I had scarcely allowed poor Mr. Morrow to point his umbrella at. Fool that I had been: the thirty-seven influential journals wouldn’t have destroyed it, they’d only have printed it. Of course I said nothing to Paraday.
Later in the day, I updated my correspondent, for whom I kept a loose diary of the situation, that I had met this celebrity and that she was a pretty young girl who wore her hair in what used to be called a crop. She looked so youthful and innocent that if, as Mr. Morrow had said, she was ready for the larger latitude, her ability to rise above prejudice must have come to her early. I spent most of the day lingering around Neil Paraday’s room, but I was told from downstairs that Guy Walsingham, at Prestidge, was a success. By evening, I somehow sensed that her superiority was contagious, and by the time the group parted for the night, I was convinced that the larger latitude had been widely accepted. I thought of Dora Forbes and felt he had no time to waste. Before dinner, I received a telegram from Lady Augusta Minch. “Lord Dorimont thinks he must have left a bundle on the train—please inquire.” How could I inquire—if I was to take the order as a command? I was too worried and now too anxious about Neil Paraday. The Doctor returned, and it was a huge relief to know he was knowledgeable and concerned. He was proud to be called to such a distinguished patient, but he admitted to me that night that my friend was seriously ill. It was really a relapse, a resurgence of his old illness. There could be no question of moving him; we had to see first, on-site, what direction his condition would take. Meanwhile, he was to have a nurse the next day. The following day, the dear man felt better, and my spirits lifted to such an extent I could almost laugh over Lady Augusta’s second telegram: “Lord Dorimont’s servant has been to the station—nothing found. Please push inquiries.” I did laugh, I’m sure, as I recalled this to be the mystical scroll I had barely allowed poor Mr. Morrow to point his umbrella at. What a fool I had been: the thirty-seven influential journals wouldn’t have destroyed it; they would have only printed it. Of course, I said nothing to Paraday.
When the nurse arrived she turned me out of the room, on which I went downstairs. I should premise that at breakfast the news that our brilliant friend was doing well excited universal complacency, and the Princess graciously remarked that he was only to be commiserated for missing the society of Miss Collop. Mrs. Wimbush, whose social gift never shone brighter than in the dry decorum with which she accepted this fizzle in her fireworks, mentioned to me that Guy Walsingham had made a very favourable impression on her Imperial Highness. Indeed I think every one did so, and that, like the money-market or the national honour, her Imperial Highness was constitutionally sensitive. There was a certain gladness, a perceptible bustle in the air, however, which I thought slightly anomalous in a house where a great author lay critically ill. “Le roy est mort—vive le roy”: I was reminded that another great author had already stepped into his shoes. When I came down again after the nurse had taken possession I found a strange gentleman hanging about the hall and pacing to and fro by the closed door of the drawing-room. This personage was florid and bald; he had a big red moustache and wore showy knickerbockers—characteristics all that fitted to my conception of the identity of Dora Forbes. In a moment I saw what had happened: the author of “The Other Way Round” had just alighted at the portals of Prestidge, but had suffered a scruple to restrain him from penetrating further. I recognised his scruple when, pausing to listen at his gesture of caution, I heard a shrill voice lifted in a sort of rhythmic uncanny chant. The famous reading had begun, only it was the author of “Obsessions” who now furnished the sacrifice. The new visitor whispered to me that he judged something was going on he oughtn’t to interrupt.
When the nurse arrived, she kicked me out of the room, so I went downstairs. I should mention that at breakfast, the news that our brilliant friend was doing well brought everyone a sense of relief, and the Princess kindly noted that he could only be pitied for missing Miss Collop’s company. Mrs. Wimbush, whose social skills never shone brighter than in the dry way she handled this disappointment, told me that Guy Walsingham had made a very good impression on her Imperial Highness. In fact, I think everyone felt the same way, as her Imperial Highness was naturally sensitive, much like the stock market or national pride. Still, there was a certain happiness, a noticeable buzz in the air, which I found a bit odd in a house where a great author was seriously ill. “The king is dead—long live the king”: I was reminded that another great author had already taken his place. When I came down again after the nurse had taken over, I found a strange man lingering in the hall, pacing back and forth by the closed door of the drawing-room. This man was red-faced and bald, with a big red mustache and flashy knickerbockers—exactly how I pictured Dora Forbes. In a moment, I realized what had happened: the author of “The Other Way Round” had just arrived at Prestidge but had held back because of some hesitation. I recognized his hesitation when, pausing to listen with a cautious gesture, I heard a shrill voice raised in a kind of rhythmic, eerie chant. The famous reading had begun, but it was the author of “Obsessions” who was now providing the performance. The new visitor whispered to me that he thought something was happening that he shouldn’t interrupt.
“Miss Collop arrived last night,” I smiled, “and the Princess has a thirst for the inédit.”
“Miss Collop arrived last night,” I smiled, “and the Princess has a craving for the new.”
Dora Forbes lifted his bushy brows. “Miss Collop?”
Dora Forbes raised his bushy eyebrows. “Miss Collop?”
“Guy Walsingham, your distinguished confrère—or shall I say your formidable rival?”
“Guy Walsingham, your esteemed colleague—or should I say your tough competitor?”
“Oh!” growled Dora Forbes. Then he added: “Shall I spoil it if I go in?”
“Oh!” growled Dora Forbes. Then he added: “Will I ruin it if I go in?”
“I should think nothing could spoil it!” I ambiguously laughed.
“I can’t imagine anything could ruin it!” I laughed ambiguously.
Dora Forbes evidently felt the dilemma; he gave an irritated crook to his moustache. “Shall I go in?” he presently asked.
Dora Forbes clearly felt the dilemma; he gave an irritated twist to his mustache. “Should I go in?” he soon asked.
We looked at each other hard a moment; then I expressed something bitter that was in me, expressed it in an infernal “Do!” After this I got out into the air, but not so fast as not to hear, when the door of the drawing-room opened, the disconcerted drop of Miss Collop’s public manner: she must have been in the midst of the larger latitude. Producing with extreme rapidity, Guy Walsingham has just published a work in which amiable people who are not initiated have been pained to see the genius of a sister-novelist held up to unmistakeable ridicule; so fresh an exhibition does it seem to them of the dreadful way men have always treated women. Dora Forbes, it’s true, at the present hour, is immensely pushed by Mrs. Wimbush and has sat for his portrait to the young artists she protects, sat for it not only in oils but in monumental alabaster.
We stared at each other for a moment, then I voiced something bitter inside me, saying a sharp “Do!” I stepped outside, but not before hearing, as the drawing-room door opened, the flustered change in Miss Collop’s public demeanor; she must have been in the middle of her broader conversation. Quickly, Guy Walsingham has just released a book in which well-meaning but uninformed people are upset to see the talent of a fellow female novelist mocked openly; it seems to them as a fresh display of the awful way men have always treated women. It’s true that right now, Dora Forbes is getting a lot of support from Mrs. Wimbush and has posed for her portrait to the young artists Mrs. Wimbush sponsors, having sat for it in both oils and monumental alabaster.
What happened at Prestidge later in the day is of course contemporary history. If the interruption I had whimsically sanctioned was almost a scandal, what is to be said of that general scatter of the company which, under the Doctor’s rule, began to take place in the evening? His rule was soothing to behold, small comfort as I was to have at the end. He decreed in the interest of his patient an absolutely soundless house and a consequent break-up of the party. Little country practitioner as he was, he literally packed off the Princess. She departed as promptly as if a revolution had broken out, and Guy Walsingham emigrated with her. I was kindly permitted to remain, and this was not denied even to Mrs. Wimbush. The privilege was withheld indeed from Dora Forbes; so Mrs. Wimbush kept her latest capture temporarily concealed. This was so little, however, her usual way of dealing with her eminent friends that a couple of days of it exhausted her patience, and she went up to town with him in great publicity. The sudden turn for the worse her afflicted guest had, after a brief improvement, taken on the third night raised an obstacle to her seeing him before her retreat; a fortunate circumstance doubtless, for she was fundamentally disappointed in him. This was not the kind of performance for which she had invited him to Prestidge, let alone invited the Princess. I must add that none of the generous acts marking her patronage of intellectual and other merit have done so much for her reputation as her lending Neil Paraday the most beautiful of her numerous homes to die in. He took advantage to the utmost of the singular favour. Day by day I saw him sink, and I roamed alone about the empty terraces and gardens. His wife never came near him, but I scarcely noticed it: as I paced there with rage in my heart I was too full of another wrong. In the event of his death it would fall to me perhaps to bring out in some charming form, with notes, with the tenderest editorial care, that precious heritage of his written project. But where was that precious heritage and were both the author and the book to have been snatched from us? Lady Augusta wrote me that she had done all she could and that poor Lord Dorimont, who had really been worried to death, was extremely sorry. I couldn’t have the matter out with Mrs. Wimbush, for I didn’t want to be taunted by her with desiring to aggrandise myself by a public connexion with Mr. Paraday’s sweepings. She had signified her willingness to meet the expense of all advertising, as indeed she was always ready to do. The last night of the horrible series, the night before he died, I put my ear closer to his pillow.
What happened at Prestidge later that day is, of course, modern history. If the interruption I had playfully allowed was almost a scandal, what can be said about the general dispersal of the group that started happening under the Doctor's authority in the evening? His authority was calming to witness, although I found little comfort in it by the end. He ordered an absolutely silent house for the sake of his patient, leading to the breakdown of the party. Though he was just a small-town doctor, he effectively kicked the Princess out. She left as quickly as if a revolution had begun, and Guy Walsingham left with her. I was kindly allowed to stay, and even Mrs. Wimbush was granted the same privilege. However, this was not extended to Dora Forbes, so Mrs. Wimbush temporarily hid her latest guest. This was such a slight deviation from her usual way of dealing with her notable friends that after a couple of days, she ran off to the city with him in a grand display. The sudden decline of her ill guest after a brief improvement on the third night prevented her from seeing him before she left; this was a lucky break, as she was fundamentally disappointed in him. This was not the type of experience she had invited him to Prestidge for, let alone the Princess. I should add that none of her generous acts supporting intellectual and other talents have enhanced her reputation as much as her lending Neil Paraday one of her many beautiful homes to die in. He took full advantage of that unique opportunity. Day by day, I watched him decline while I wandered alone around the empty terraces and gardens. His wife never came near him, but I hardly noticed it; as I paced there with anger in my heart, I was consumed by another injustice. If he were to pass away, it would likely fall on me to present his cherished written project in some lovely form, with notes and the most tender editorial care. But where was that precious work, and were both the author and the book to be taken from us? Lady Augusta wrote to me that she had done everything she could and that poor Lord Dorimont, who had genuinely been worried to death, was extremely sorry. I couldn't discuss the situation with Mrs. Wimbush because I didn't want her to accuse me of trying to promote myself through a public connection with Mr. Paraday’s disappointments. She had expressed her willingness to cover all advertising costs, as she was always ready to do. On the last night of that dreadful series, the night before he died, I leaned closer to his pillow.
“That thing I read you that morning, you know.”
"That thing I read to you that morning, you know."
“In your garden that dreadful day? Yes!”
“In your garden that awful day? Yes!”
“Won’t it do as it is?”
“Won’t it work as it is?”
“It would have been a glorious book.”
“It would have been an amazing book.”
“It is a glorious book,” Neil Paraday murmured. “Print it as it stands—beautifully.”
“It is an amazing book,” Neil Paraday murmured. “Publish it as is—beautifully.”
“Beautifully!” I passionately promised.
"Beautifully!" I enthusiastically promised.
It may be imagined whether, now that he’s gone, the promise seems to me less sacred. I’m convinced that if such pages had appeared in his lifetime the Abbey would hold him to-day. I’ve kept the advertising in my own hands, but the manuscript has not been recovered. It’s impossible, and at any rate intolerable, to suppose it can have been wantonly destroyed. Perhaps some hazard of a blind hand, some brutal fatal ignorance has lighted kitchen-fires with it. Every stupid and hideous accident haunts my meditations. My undiscourageable search for the lost treasure would make a long chapter. Fortunately I’ve a devoted associate in the person of a young lady who has every day a fresh indignation and a fresh idea, and who maintains with intensity that the prize will still turn up. Sometimes I believe her, but I’ve quite ceased to believe myself. The only thing for us at all events is to go on seeking and hoping together; and we should be closely united by this firm tie even were we not at present by another.
It’s hard to say if now that he’s gone, the promise feels less meaningful to me. I’m sure that if these pages had been published during his lifetime, the Abbey would have him today. I’ve handled the promotion myself, but the manuscript hasn’t been found. It’s unimaginable, and frankly unacceptable, to think it could have been carelessly destroyed. Maybe some accident, some brutal ignorance, has turned it into firewood. Every ridiculous and horrifying accident weighs on my mind. My relentless search for this lost gem could fill a long chapter. Luckily, I have a passionate partner in this young woman who brings fresh outrage and new ideas every day, strongly believing the prize will still show up. Sometimes I believe her, but I’ve pretty much stopped believing in myself. The only thing we can do, in any case, is to keep searching and hoping together; we would be closely connected by this strong bond even if we weren’t already connected by another.
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