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THE FIGURE IN THE CARPET

BY HENRY JAMES

BY HENRY JAMES

 

LONDON; MARTIN SECKER
NUMBER FIVE JOHN STREET ADELPHI

LONDON; MARTIN SECKER
5 John Street, Adelphi

 

This edition first published 1916
The text follows that of the
Definitive Edition

This edition first published 1916
The text follows that of the
Definitive Edition

CHAPTER I

I had done a few things and earned a few pence—I had perhaps even had time to begin to think I was finer than was perceived by the patronising; but when I take the little measure of my course (a fidgety habit, for it’s none of the longest yet) I count my real start from the evening George Corvick, breathless and worried, came in to ask me a service.  He had done more things than I, and earned more pence, though there were chances for cleverness I thought he sometimes missed.  I could only however that evening declare to him that he never missed one for kindness.  There was almost rapture in hearing it proposed to me to prepare for The Middle, the organ of our lucubrations, so called from the position in the week of its day of appearance, an article for which he had made himself responsible and of which, tied up with a stout string, he laid on my table the subject.  I pounced upon my opportunity—that is on the first volume of it—and paid scant attention to my friend’s explanation of his appeal.  What explanation could be more to the point than my obvious fitness for the task?  I had written on Hugh Vereker, but never a word in The Middle, where my dealings were mainly with the ladies and the minor poets.  This was his new novel, an advance copy, and whatever much or little it should do for his reputation I was clear on the spot as to what it should do for mine.  Moreover if I always read him as soon as I could get hold of him I had a particular reason for wishing to read him now: I had accepted an invitation to Bridges for the following Sunday, and it had been mentioned in Lady Jane’s note that Mr. Vereker was to be there.  I was young enough for a flutter at meeting a man of his renown, and innocent enough to believe the occasion would demand the display of an acquaintance with his “last.”

I had done a few things and earned a little money—I might have even started to think I was better than what the condescending thought; but when I reflect on my journey (which is a restless habit, since it's not that long yet), I consider my real beginning the evening George Corvick came in, breathless and anxious, to ask me for a favor. He had accomplished more than I and made more money, though I thought he sometimes missed opportunities for cleverness. However, that evening I could only tell him that he never missed a chance to be kind. There was almost a thrill in hearing him propose that I prepare an article for The Middle, the platform for our writings, named for its position in the week when it was published, for which he had taken responsibility and of which he placed the subject on my table tied up with a sturdy string. I jumped at the chance—that is, at the first volume of it—and paid little attention to my friend's explanation of his request. What explanation could be more relevant than my clear suitability for the task? I had written about Hugh Vereker, but never anything for The Middle, where I mostly dealt with women and lesser poets. This was his new novel, an advance copy, and whatever impact it would have on his reputation, I knew right away what it should do for mine. Besides, if I always read his work as soon as I could get my hands on it, I had a special reason to read it now: I had accepted an invitation to Bridges for the following Sunday, and Lady Jane's note mentioned that Mr. Vereker would be there. I was young enough to be excited about meeting a man of his fame, and naive enough to think the occasion would require me to show off my knowledge of his "latest."

Corvick, who had promised a review of it, had not even had time to read it; he had gone to pieces in consequence of news requiring—as on precipitate reflexion he judged—that he should catch the night-mail to Paris.  He had had a telegram from Gwendolen Erme in answer to his letter offering to fly to her aid.  I knew already about Gwendolen Erme; I had never seen her, but I had my ideas, which were mainly to the effect that Corvick would marry her if her mother would only die.  That lady seemed now in a fair way to oblige him; after some dreadful mistake about a climate or a “cure” she had suddenly collapsed on the return from abroad.  Her daughter, unsupported and alarmed, desiring to make a rush for home but hesitating at the risk, had accepted our friend’s assistance, and it was my secret belief that at sight of him Mrs. Erme would pull round.  His own belief was scarcely to be called secret; it discernibly at any rate differed from mine.  He had showed me Gwendolen’s photograph with the remark that she wasn’t pretty but was awfully interesting; she had published at the age of nineteen a novel in three volumes, “Deep Down,” about which, in The Middle, he had been really splendid.  He appreciated my present eagerness and undertook that the periodical in question should do no less; then at the last, with his hand on the door, he said to me: “Of course you’ll be all right, you know.”  Seeing I was a trifle vague he added: “I mean you won’t be silly.”

Corvick, who had promised to review it, hadn’t even had time to read it; he had completely fallen apart because of news that made him feel he should catch the night-mail to Paris. He’d received a telegram from Gwendolen Erme in response to his letter offering to help her. I already knew about Gwendolen Erme; I had never met her, but I had my thoughts, mainly that Corvick would marry her if her mother would just die. That lady seemed to be on her way to fulfilling that wish; after some terrible mistake about a climate or a “cure,” she had suddenly collapsed on her return from abroad. Her daughter, feeling unsupported and scared, wanting to rush home but hesitating at the risk, had accepted our friend’s help, and I secretly believed that once Mrs. Erme saw him, she’d bounce back. His own belief was hardly a secret; in fact, it was clear that it was quite different from mine. He had shown me a photo of Gwendolen, remarking that she wasn’t pretty but was incredibly interesting; she had published a three-volume novel called “Deep Down” at the age of nineteen, which he had really praised in The Middle. He appreciated my current eagerness and promised that the publication would live up to it; then at the last moment, with his hand on the door, he told me, “Of course you’ll be fine, you know.” Noticing that I was a bit vague, he added, “I mean you won’t act foolishly.”

“Silly—about Vereker!  Why what do I ever find him but awfully clever?”

“Silly—about Vereker! What do I ever find him to be but incredibly clever?”

“Well, what’s that but silly?  What on earth does ‘awfully clever’ mean?  For God’s sake try to get at him.  Don’t let him suffer by our arrangement.  Speak of him, you know, if you can, as I should have spoken of him.”

“Well, isn't that just ridiculous? What does ‘awfully clever’ even mean? For goodness' sake, try to reach out to him. Don’t let him struggle because of our arrangement. Talk about him, if you can, as I would have talked about him.”

I wondered an instant.  “You mean as far and away the biggest of the lot—that sort of thing?”

I thought for a moment. “You mean the biggest of all—that kind of thing?”

Corvick almost groaned.  “Oh you know, I don’t put them back to back that way; it’s the infancy of art!  But he gives me a pleasure so rare; the sense of”—he mused a little—“something or other.”

Corvick almost groaned. “Oh, you know, I don’t put them back to back like that; it’s the early stages of art! But he gives me a pleasure so rare; the sense of”—he thought for a moment—“something or other.”

I wondered again.  “The sense, pray, of want?”

I wondered again. “What does it mean to desire?”

“My dear man, that’s just what I want you to say!”

“My dear man, that’s exactly what I want you to say!”

Even before he had banged the door I had begun, book in hand, to prepare myself to say it.  I sat up with Vereker half the night; Corvick couldn’t have done more than that.  He was awfully clever—I stuck to that, but he wasn’t a bit the biggest of the lot.  I didn’t allude to the lot, however; I flattered myself that I emerged on this occasion from the infancy of art.  “It’s all right,” they declared vividly at the office; and when the number appeared I felt there was a basis on which I could meet the great man.  It gave me confidence for a day or two—then that confidence dropped.  I had fancied him reading it with relish, but if Corvick wasn’t satisfied how could Vereker himself be?  I reflected indeed that the heat of the admirer was sometimes grosser even than the appetite of the scribe.  Corvick at all events wrote me from Paris a little ill-humouredly.  Mrs. Erme was pulling round, and I hadn’t at all said what Vereker gave him the sense of.

Even before he slammed the door, I had started, book in hand, to get ready to say it. I stayed up with Vereker half the night; Corvick couldn’t have done more than that. He was really smart—I kept that in mind, but he wasn’t the biggest deal of them all. I didn’t mention the others though; I thought I had moved past the beginner stage of art. “It’s all good,” they said enthusiastically at the office; and when the issue came out, I felt ready to face the great man. It boosted my confidence for a day or two—then that confidence faded. I had imagined him reading it with pleasure, but if Corvick wasn’t happy, how could Vereker be? I realized that sometimes the excitement of the admirer was even more intense than the hunger of the writer. Corvick, at any rate, wrote me from Paris in a bit of a grumpy mood. Mrs. Erme was improving, and I hadn’t really conveyed what Vereker made him feel.

CHAPTER II

The effect of my visit to Bridges was to turn me out for more profundity.  Hugh Vereker, as I saw him there, was of a contact so void of angles that I blushed for the poverty of imagination involved in my small precautions.  If he was in spirits it wasn’t because he had read my review; in fact on the Sunday morning I felt sure he hadn’t read it, though The Middle had been out three days and bloomed, I assured myself, in the stiff garden of periodicals which gave one of the ormolu tables the air of a stand at a station.  The impression he made on me personally was such that I wished him to read it, and I corrected to this end with a surreptitious hand what might be wanting in the careless conspicuity of the sheet.  I’m afraid I even watched the result of my manœuvre, but up to luncheon I watched in vain.

The effect of my visit to Bridges was to make me crave deeper understanding. Hugh Vereker, as I saw him there, had such a presence that I felt embarrassed by how limited my own imagination was with my small efforts. If he was in a good mood, it wasn’t because he’d read my review; in fact, on Sunday morning I was pretty sure he hadn’t seen it, even though The Middle had been published three days earlier and was, I convinced myself, prominently displayed in the stuffy collection of magazines that made one of the fancy tables look like a booth at a train station. The impression he made on me was so strong that I hoped he would read it, so I secretly adjusted what might be lacking in the obvious carelessness of the sheet. I’m afraid I even watched to see the outcome of my little trick, but up until lunch, I watched in vain.

When afterwards, in the course of our gregarious walk, I found myself for half an hour, not perhaps without another manœuvre, at the great man’s side, the result of his affability was a still livelier desire that he shouldn’t remain in ignorance of the peculiar justice I had done him.  It wasn’t that he seemed to thirst for justice; on the contrary I hadn’t yet caught in his talk the faintest grunt of a grudge—a note for which my young experience had already given me an ear.  Of late he had had more recognition, and it was pleasant, as we used to say in The Middle, to see how it drew him out.  He wasn’t of course popular, but I judged one of the sources of his good humour to be precisely that his success was independent of that.  He had none the less become in a manner the fashion; the critics at least had put on a spurt and caught up with him.  We had found out at last how clever he was, and he had had to make the best of the loss of his mystery.  I was strongly tempted, as I walked beside him, to let him know how much of that unveiling was my act; and there was a moment when I probably should have done so had not one of the ladies of our party, snatching a place at his other elbow, just then appealed to him in a spirit comparatively selfish.  It was very discouraging: I almost felt the liberty had been taken with myself.

When later, during our group walk, I found myself next to the important man for half an hour—perhaps thanks to a little maneuvering—his friendliness made me even more eager for him to know the special favor I had done him. It wasn’t that he seemed to crave recognition; in fact, I hadn’t heard the slightest hint of a grudge in his words—a sign my young experience had trained me to recognize. Recently, he had gained more recognition, and it was nice, as we used to say in *The Middle*, to see how it brought him out of his shell. He wasn’t exactly popular, but I figured one reason for his good mood was that his success didn’t rely on that. Still, he’d somehow become the trend; at least the critics had stepped up and recognized him. We had finally realized how smart he was, and he had to make the best of losing his mystery. I was really tempted, as I walked beside him, to let him know how much of that revelation was my doing; and there was a moment when I probably would have said something if one of the ladies in our group hadn’t rushed to take a place at his other side and called to him in a rather selfish way. It was very disheartening: I almost felt like my space had been invaded.

I had had on my tongue’s end, for my own part, a phrase or two about the right word at the right time; but later on I was glad not to have spoken, for when on our return we clustered at tea I perceived Lady Jane, who had not been out with us, brandishing The Middle with her longest arm.  She had taken it up at her leisure; she was delighted with what she had found, and I saw that, as a mistake in a man may often be a felicity in a woman, she would practically do for me what I hadn’t been able to do for myself.  “Some sweet little truths that needed to be spoken,” I heard her declare, thrusting the paper at rather a bewildered couple by the fireplace.  She grabbed it away from them again on the reappearance of Hugh Vereker, who after our walk had been upstairs to change something.  “I know you don’t in general look at this kind of thing, but it’s an occasion really for doing so.  You haven’t seen it?  Then you must.  The man has actually got at you, at what I always feel, you know.”  Lady Jane threw into her eyes a look evidently intended to give an idea of what she always felt; but she added that she couldn’t have expressed it.  The man in the paper expressed it in a striking manner.  “Just see there, and there, where I’ve dashed it, how he brings it out.”  She had literally marked for him the brightest patches of my prose, and if I was a little amused Vereker himself may well have been.  He showed how much he was when before us all Lady Jane wanted to read something aloud.  I liked at any rate the way he defeated her purpose by jerking the paper affectionately out of her clutch.  He’d take it upstairs with him and look at it on going to dress.  He did this half an hour later—I saw it in his hand when he repaired to his room.  That was the moment at which, thinking to give her pleasure, I mentioned to Lady Jane that I was the author of the review.  I did give her pleasure, I judged, but perhaps not quite so much as I had expected.  If the author was “only me” the thing didn’t seem quite so remarkable.  Hadn’t I had the effect rather of diminishing the lustre of the article than of adding to my own?  Her ladyship was subject to the most extraordinary drops.  It didn’t matter; the only effect I cared about was the one it would have on Vereker up there by his bedroom fire.

I had a phrase or two about the right word at the right time ready to go, but later I was glad I hadn't said anything, because when we got back and gathered for tea, I saw Lady Jane, who hadn’t joined us, waving around The Middle with her arm stretched out. She had picked it up on her own time and was thrilled with what she found. I realized that a mistake in a man can often be a success for a woman, and she would practically do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. “Some sweet little truths that needed to be shared,” I heard her say, shoving the paper at a rather confused couple by the fireplace. She snatched it back when Hugh Vereker came back, having gone upstairs to change after our walk. “I know you don’t usually look at stuff like this, but it’s actually a good time to do so. You haven’t seen it? Then you need to. The guy really gets to what I always feel, you know.” Lady Jane shot him a look that clearly was meant to express what she always felt, but she admitted she couldn’t have put it into words. The guy in the article expressed it really well. “Just look here and here, where I marked it, to see how he brings it out.” She had literally highlighted the best parts of my writing for him, and if I was a little amused, Vereker could have been too. He showed how much he was when Lady Jane wanted to read something aloud. I liked how he distracted her by affectionately yanking the paper from her grasp. He’d take it upstairs with him and look at it while getting dressed. He did this half an hour later—I saw it in his hand when he headed to his room. That was when I thought I’d make her happy by telling Lady Jane that I was the author of the review. I did make her happy, I guessed, but maybe not as much as I expected. If the author was “just me” then it didn’t seem quite so special. Hadn’t I actually ended up dimming the article's shine instead of boosting my own? Her ladyship was known for her unpredictable moods. It didn’t really matter; the only reaction I cared about was the one it would provoke in Vereker up there by his bedroom fire.

At dinner I watched for the signs of this impression, tried to fancy some happier light in his eyes; but to my disappointment Lady Jane gave me no chance to make sure.  I had hoped she’d call triumphantly down the table, publicly demand if she hadn’t been right.  The party was large—there were people from outside as well, but I had never seen a table long enough to deprive Lady Jane of a triumph.  I was just reflecting in truth that this interminable board would deprive me of one when the guest next me, dear woman—she was Miss Poyle, the vicar’s sister, a robust unmodulated person—had the happy inspiration and the unusual courage to address herself across it to Vereker, who was opposite, but not directly, so that when he replied they were both leaning forward.  She enquired, artless body, what he thought of Lady Jane’s “panegyric,” which she had read—not connecting it however with her right-hand neighbour; and while I strained my ear for his reply I heard him, to my stupefaction, call back gaily, his mouth full of bread: “Oh, it’s all right—the usual twaddle!”

At dinner, I looked for signs of this impression, trying to imagine a happier look in his eyes; but to my disappointment, Lady Jane didn’t give me a chance to be sure. I had hoped she’d call out triumphantly down the table, publicly asking if she hadn’t been right. The party was large—there were people from outside too, but I had never seen a table long enough to keep Lady Jane from celebrating a victory. Just as I was reflecting that this endless table would deny me one when the guest next to me, a dear woman—Miss Poyle, the vicar’s sister, a robust and straightforward person—had the bright idea and unusual courage to address Vereker, who was sitting across from her, not directly. When he replied, they were both leaning forward. She innocently asked what he thought of Lady Jane’s "panegyric," which she had read—not realizing it was connected to her neighbor on the right; and while I strained to hear his reply, I was shocked to hear him cheerily respond, his mouth full of bread: "Oh, it’s all right—the usual twaddle!"

I had caught Vereker’s glance as he spoke, but Miss Poyle’s surprise was a fortunate cover for my own.  “You mean he doesn’t do you justice?” said the excellent woman.

I caught Vereker’s eye as he spoke, but Miss Poyle’s surprise conveniently masked my own. “Are you saying he doesn’t appreciate you?” asked the wonderful woman.

Vereker laughed out, and I was happy to be able to do the same.  “It’s a charming article,” he tossed us.

Vereker laughed out loud, and I was glad to do the same. “It’s a delightful article,” he tossed to us.

Miss Poyle thrust her chin half across the cloth.  “Oh, you’re so deep!” she drove home.

Miss Poyle pushed her chin halfway over the fabric. “Oh, you’re so profound!” she emphasized.

“As deep as the ocean!  All I pretend is that the author doesn’t see—”  But a dish was at this point passed over his shoulder, and we had to wait while he helped himself.

“As deep as the ocean! All I’m pretending is that the author doesn’t see—” But at that moment, a dish was passed over his shoulder, and we had to wait while he helped himself.

“Doesn’t see what?” my neighbour continued.

“Doesn’t see what?” my neighbor continued.

“Doesn’t see anything.”

“Doesn’t see anything.”

“Dear me—how very stupid!”

"Wow, that's really dumb!"

“Not a bit,” Vereker laughed main.  “Nobody does.”

“Not at all,” Vereker laughed. “Nobody does.”

The lady on his further side appealed to him, and Miss Poyle sank back to myself.  “Nobody sees anything!” she cheerfully announced; to which I replied that I had often thought so too, but had somehow taken the thought for a proof on my own part of a tremendous eye.  I didn’t tell her the article was mine; and I observed that Lady Jane, occupied at the end of the table, had not caught Vereker’s words.

The woman on his other side caught his attention, and Miss Poyle leaned back to focus on herself. “No one notices anything!” she cheerfully declared; to which I responded that I had often thought the same, but somehow interpreted that as evidence of my own keen perception. I didn’t mention that the article was mine; and I noticed that Lady Jane, busy at the end of the table, hadn’t heard Vereker’s words.

I rather avoided him after dinner, for I confess he struck me as cruelly conceited, and the revelation was a pain.  “The usual twaddle”—my acute little study!  That one’s admiration should have had a reserve or two could gall him to that point!  I had thought him placid, and he was placid enough; such a surface was the hard polished glass that encased the bauble of his vanity.  I was really ruffled, and the only comfort was that if nobody saw anything George Corvick was quite as much out of it as I.  This comfort however was not sufficient, after the ladies had dispersed, to carry me in the proper manner—I mean in a spotted jacket and humming an air—into the smoking-room.  I took my way in some dejection to bed; but in the passage I encountered Mr. Vereker, who had been up once more to change, coming out of his room.  He was humming an air and had on a spotted jacket, and as soon as he saw me his gaiety gave a start.

I mostly avoided him after dinner because, honestly, he came off as really arrogant, and that realization was painful. "The usual nonsense"—my sharp little observation! The fact that my admiration might not have been completely free of reservations seemed to irritate him so much! I had thought he was calm, and he was calm enough; his demeanor was like the smooth, polished glass that surrounded the trinket of his vanity. I was genuinely unsettled, and the only comfort was that if nobody noticed anything, George Corvick was just as out of the loop as I was. However, this comfort wasn’t enough, after the ladies had left, to get me into the smoking room in the right way—I mean, wearing a spotted jacket and humming a tune. Feeling a bit down, I made my way to bed; but in the hallway, I ran into Mr. Vereker, who had gone back to change, coming out of his room. He was humming a tune and wearing a spotted jacket, and as soon as he saw me, his cheerfulness faltered.

“My dear young man,” he exclaimed, “I’m so glad to lay hands on you!  I’m afraid I most unwittingly wounded you by those words of mine at dinner to Miss Poyle.  I learned but half an hour ago from Lady Jane that you’re the author of the little notice in The Middle.”

“My dear young man,” he exclaimed, “I’m so glad to finally meet you! I’m afraid I unintentionally offended you with my words at dinner to Miss Poyle. I just found out half an hour ago from Lady Jane that you’re the author of the little notice in The Middle.”

I protested that no bones were broken; but he moved with me to my own door, his hand, on my shoulder, kindly feeling for a fracture; and on hearing that I had come up to bed he asked leave to cross my threshold and just tell me in three words what his qualification of my remarks had represented.  It was plain he really feared I was hurt, and the sense of his solicitude suddenly made all the difference to me.  My cheap review fluttered off into space, and the best things I had said in it became flat enough beside the brilliancy of his being there.  I can see him there still, on my rug, in the firelight and his spotted jacket, his fine clear face all bright with the desire to be tender to my youth.  I don’t know what he had at first meant to say, but I think the sight of my relief touched him, excited him, brought up words to his lips from far within.  It was so these words presently conveyed to me something that, as I afterwards knew, he had never uttered to any one.  I’ve always done justice to the generous impulse that made him speak; it was simply compunction for a snub unconsciously administered to a man of letters in a position inferior to his own, a man of letters moreover in the very act of praising him.  To make the thing right he talked to me exactly as an equal and on the ground of what we both loved best.  The hour, the place, the unexpectedness deepened the impression: he couldn’t have done anything more intensely effective.

I insisted that I wasn't hurt, but he walked with me to my door, his hand on my shoulder, gently checking for any injuries. When I mentioned I was going to bed, he asked to come in just to tell me in three words what he thought about my comments. It was clear he was genuinely worried about me, and his concern suddenly changed everything for me. My trivial review faded away, and the best things I had said seemed dull compared to the brilliance of him being there. I can still picture him on my rug, in the firelight with his spotted jacket, his clear face filled with the desire to be kind to my youth. I’m not sure what he originally intended to say, but I think seeing my relief moved him, inspired him, and brought words to his lips from deep inside. Eventually, those words expressed something that I later realized he had never said to anyone else. I’ve always appreciated the generous impulse that drove him to speak; it came from a sense of guilt for unintentionally snubbing a fellow writer in a lesser position, especially one who was praising him at the time. To make it right, he spoke to me as an equal and based on what we both valued most. The timing, the setting, and the unexpectedness intensified the moment: he couldn’t have done anything more impactful.

CHAPTER III.

“I don’t quite know how to explain it to you,” he said, “but it was the very fact that your notice of my book had a spice of intelligence, it was just your exceptional sharpness, that produced the feeling—a very old story with me, I beg you to believe—under the momentary influence of which I used in speaking to that good lady the words you so naturally resent.  I don’t read the things in the newspapers unless they’re thrust upon me as that one was—it’s always one’s best friend who does it!  But I used to read them sometimes—ten years ago.  I dare say they were in general rather stupider then; at any rate it always struck me they missed my little point with a perfection exactly as admirable when they patted me on the back as when they kicked me in the shins.  Whenever since I’ve happened to have a glimpse of them they were still blazing away—still missing it, I mean, deliciously.  You miss it, my dear fellow, with inimitable assurance; the fact of your being awfully clever and your article’s being awfully nice doesn’t make a hair’s breadth of difference.  It’s quite with you rising young men,” Vereker laughed, “that I feel most what a failure I am!”

“I don’t really know how to explain it to you,” he said, “but it was the fact that your review of my book had a touch of intelligence, just your exceptional sharpness, that triggered the feeling—a very old story for me, believe me—under the momentary influence of which I used those words to that good lady that you understandably resent. I don’t read what’s in the newspapers unless it’s forced upon me like that one was—it’s always your best friend who does it! But I used to read them sometimes—ten years ago. I suppose they were generally a bit dumber back then; at any rate, it always seemed to me that they completely missed my little point with a perfection that was equally impressive whether they patted me on the back or kicked me in the shins. Whenever I've happened to catch a glimpse of them since, they were still going strong—still missing it, I mean, in a delightful way. You miss it, my dear fellow, with unmatched confidence; the fact that you’re incredibly clever and your article is really nice doesn’t change anything. It’s mostly with you rising young guys,” Vereker laughed, “that I feel my failure the most!”

I listened with keen interest; it grew keener as he talked.  “You a failure—heavens!  What then may your ‘little point’ happen to be?”

I listened with great interest; it intensified as he spoke. “You a failure—oh my! What could your ‘little point’ possibly be?”

“Have I got to tell you, after all these years and labours?”  There was something in the friendly reproach of this—jocosely exaggerated—that made me, as an ardent young seeker for truth, blush to the roots of my hair.  I’m as much in the dark as ever, though I’ve grown used in a sense to my obtuseness; at that moment, however, Vereker’s happy accent made me appear to myself, and probably to him, a rare dunce.  I was on the point of exclaiming “Ah yes, don’t tell me: for my honour, for that of the craft, don’t!” when he went on in a manner that showed he had read my thought and had his own idea of the probability of our some day redeeming ourselves.  “By my little point I mean—what shall I call it?—the particular thing I’ve written my books most for.  Isn’t there for every writer a particular thing of that sort, the thing that most makes him apply himself, the thing without the effort to achieve which he wouldn’t write at all, the very passion of his passion, the part of the business in which, for him, the flame of art burns most intensely?  Well, it’s that!”

“Do I really have to tell you this after all these years and all this work?” There was something in his friendly teasing—playfully exaggerated—that made me, as a passionate young seeker of truth, blush deeply. I’m just as clueless as ever, although I've somewhat accepted my dullness; in that moment, though, Vereker’s cheerful tone made me feel like a complete fool in his eyes, and probably in my own too. I was about to shout, “Oh yes, don’t tell me: for the sake of my honor, and the craft, please don’t!” when he continued in a way that showed he sensed my thoughts and had his own ideas about whether we could ever redeem ourselves. “By my little point, I mean—what should I call it?—the specific thing I’ve written my books most for. Isn’t there a specific thing like that for every writer, something that drives him the most, the thing without which he wouldn't bother writing at all, the very essence of his passion, the part of the craft where the flame of art burns the brightest? Well, it’s that!”

I considered a moment—that is I followed at a respectful distance, rather gasping.  I was fascinated—easily, you’ll say; but I wasn’t going after all to be put off my guard.  “Your description’s certainly beautiful, but it doesn’t make what you describe very distinct.”

I paused for a moment—I was following at a respectful distance, catching my breath. I was intrigued—you might say too easily; but I wasn’t about to let my guard down. “Your description is definitely beautiful, but it doesn’t really clarify what you’re describing.”

“I promise you it would be distinct if it should dawn on you at all.”  I saw that the charm of our topic overflowed for my companion into an emotion as lively as my own.  “At any rate,” he went on, “I can speak for myself: there’s an idea in my work without which I wouldn’t have given a straw for the whole job.  It’s the finest fullest intention of the lot, and the application of it has been, I think, a triumph of patience, of ingenuity.  I ought to leave that to somebody else to say; but that nobody does say it is precisely what we’re talking about.  It stretches, this little trick of mine, from book to book, and everything else, comparatively, plays over the surface of it.  The order, the form, the texture of my books will perhaps some day constitute for the initiated a complete representation of it.  So it’s naturally the thing for the critic to look for.  It strikes me,” my visitor added, smiling, “even as the thing for the critic to find.”

“I promise you it would be clear if you ever realized it.” I could see that the allure of our topic stirred in my companion an emotion as strong as my own. “At any rate,” he continued, “I can speak for myself: there’s an idea in my work without which I wouldn’t care at all about the whole thing. It’s the best and most complete intention of the bunch, and applying it has been, I think, a triumph of patience and creativity. I should let someone else say that; but the fact that no one does is exactly what we’re discussing. This little trick of mine connects each book, while everything else, in comparison, floats on top of it. The order, the form, the texture of my books will perhaps one day create a full representation of it for those who understand. So naturally, it’s what critics should look for. It seems to me,” my visitor said with a smile, “even as the thing for critics to find.”

This seemed a responsibility indeed.  “You call it a little trick?”

This really felt like a big responsibility. “You’re calling it a little trick?”

“That’s only my little modesty.  It’s really an exquisite scheme.”

"That's just my modesty talking. It's actually a brilliant plan."

“And you hold that you’ve carried the scheme out?”

“And you believe that you’ve executed the plan?”

“The way I’ve carried it out is the thing in life I think a bit well of myself for.”

"The way I've handled it is something in life I take some pride in."

I had a pause.  “Don’t you think you ought—just a trifle—to assist the critic?”

I paused. “Don’t you think you should—just a little—help the critic?”

“Assist him?  What else have I done with every stroke of my pen?  I’ve shouted my intention in his great blank face!”  At this, laughing out again, Vereker laid his hand on my shoulder to show the allusion wasn’t to my personal appearance.

“Help him? What else have I been doing with every stroke of my pen? I’ve declared my intentions loud and clear to his blank expression!” At this, laughing again, Vereker placed his hand on my shoulder to indicate that the comment wasn’t about my looks.

“But you talk about the initiated.  There must therefore, you see, be initiation.”

"But you're talking about the initiated. So, as you can see, there has to be initiation."

“What else in heaven’s name is criticism supposed to be?”  I’m afraid I coloured at this too; but I took refuge in repeating that his account of his silver lining was poor in something or other that a plain man knows things by.  “That’s only because you’ve never had a glimpse of it,” he returned.  “If you had had one the element in question would soon have become practically all you’d see.  To me it’s exactly as palpable as the marble of this chimney.  Besides, the critic just isn’t a plain man: if he were, pray, what would he be doing in his neighbour’s garden?  You’re anything but a plain man yourself, and the very raison d’être of you all is that you’re little demons of subtlety.  If my great affair’s a secret, that’s only because it’s a secret in spite of itself—the amazing event has made it one.  I not only never took the smallest precaution to keep it so, but never dreamed of any such accident.  If I had I shouldn’t in advance have had the heart to go on.  As it was, I only became aware little by little, and meanwhile I had done my work.”

“What else in heaven’s name is criticism supposed to be?” I admit I felt embarrassed by this too; but I found comfort in saying that his view of his silver lining was lacking something that a straightforward person understands. “That’s just because you’ve never seen it,” he replied. “If you had seen it, that element would become practically all you notice. To me, it's as clear as the marble of this chimney. Besides, a critic just isn’t a simple person: if he were, why would he be poking around in someone else’s garden? You’re definitely not a straightforward person yourself, and the very reason for all of you is that you’re little demons of subtlety. If my big affair is a secret, that’s only because it’s a secret despite itself—the incredible event has turned it into one. Not only did I never take the slightest step to keep it that way, but I never even imagined such a thing could happen. If I had, I wouldn’t have had the courage to continue. As it was, I became aware little by little, and in the meantime, I was getting my work done.”

“And now you quite like it?” I risked.

“And now you really like it?” I ventured.

“My work?”

"My job?"

“Your secret.  It’s the same thing.”

“Your secret. It’s the same thing.”

“Your guessing that,” Vereker replied, “is a proof that you’re as clever as I say!”  I was encouraged by this to remark that he would clearly be pained to part with it, and he confessed that it was indeed with him now the great amusement of life.  “I live almost to see if it will ever be detected.”  He looked at me for a jesting challenge; something far within his eyes seemed to peep out.  “But I needn’t worry—it won’t!”

“Your guessing that,” Vereker replied, “is proof that you’re as clever as I say!” I felt encouraged by this to point out that he would clearly be upset to let it go, and he admitted that it was indeed his main source of amusement in life right now. “I live almost to see if it will ever be discovered.” He looked at me with a playful challenge; something deep in his eyes seemed to peek out. “But I don’t need to worry—it won’t!”

“You fire me as I’ve never been fired,” I declared; “you make me determined to do or die.”  Then I asked: “Is it a kind of esoteric message?”

“You’re firing me in a way I’ve never experienced before,” I said; “you’re motivating me to either succeed or fail completely.” Then I asked, “Is this some sort of hidden message?”

His countenance fell at this—he put out his hand as if to bid me good-night.  “Ah my dear fellow, it can’t be described in cheap journalese!”

His expression changed at this—he reached out his hand as if to say goodnight. “Oh my dear friend, it can't be put into cheap newspaper language!"

I knew of course he’d be awfully fastidious, but our talk had made me feel how much his nerves were exposed.  I was unsatisfied—I kept hold of his hand.  “I won’t make use of the expression then,” I said, “in the article in which I shall eventually announce my discovery, though I dare say I shall have hard work to do without it.  But meanwhile, just to hasten that difficult birth, can’t you give a fellow a clue?”  I felt much more at my ease.

I knew he’d be really particular about things, but our conversation made me realize how much he was on edge. I wasn't satisfied—I held onto his hand. “I won’t use that phrase then,” I said, “in the article where I’ll eventually announce my discovery, though I’m sure I’ll struggle without it. But in the meantime, just to speed up that tough process, can’t you give me a hint?” I felt much more relaxed.

“My whole lucid effort gives him the clue—every page and line and letter.  The thing’s as concrete there as a bird in a cage, a bait on a hook, a piece of cheese in a mouse-trap.  It’s stuck into every volume as your foot is stuck into your shoe.  It governs every line, it chooses every word, it dots every i, it places every comma.”

“My entire clear effort gives him the hint—every page and line and letter. The thing is as obvious there as a bird in a cage, bait on a hook, or a piece of cheese in a mouse trap. It’s embedded in every book just like your foot is in your shoe. It controls every line, it selects every word, it dots every i, it places every comma.”

I scratched my head.  “Is it something in the style or something in the thought?  An element of form or an element of feeling?”

I scratched my head. “Is it something about the style or something about the idea? An aspect of form or an aspect of emotion?”

He indulgently shook my hand again, and I felt my questions to be crude and my distinctions pitiful.  “Good-night, my dear boy—don’t bother about it.  After all, you do like a fellow.”

He kindly shook my hand again, and I felt my questions were basic and my distinctions weak. “Good night, my dear boy—don’t worry about it. After all, you do like a guy.”

“And a little intelligence might spoil it?” I still detained him.

“And having a bit of intelligence might ruin it?” I still held him back.

He hesitated.  “Well, you’ve got a heart in your body.  Is that an element of form or an element of feeling?  What I contend that nobody has ever mentioned in my work is the organ of life.”

He hesitated. “Well, you’ve got a heart in your body. Is that part of your physical form or a part of your emotions? What I argue that nobody has ever pointed out in my work is the organ of life.”

“I see—it’s some idea about life, some sort of philosophy.  Unless it be,” I added with the eagerness of a thought perhaps still happier, “some kind of game you’re up to with your style, something you’re after in the language.  Perhaps it’s a preference for the letter P!” I ventured profanely to break out.  “Papa, potatoes, prunes—that sort of thing?”  He was suitably indulgent: he only said I hadn’t got the right letter.  But his amusement was over; I could see he was bored.  There was nevertheless something else I had absolutely to learn.  “Should you be able, pen in hand, to state it clearly yourself—to name it, phrase it, formulate it?”

“I see—it’s some idea about life, some kind of philosophy. Unless it’s,” I added eagerly, a thought perhaps even more exciting, “some sort of game you’re playing with your style, something you’re chasing in the language. Maybe it’s just a preference for the letter P!” I cheekily broke out. “Papa, potatoes, prunes—that kind of thing?” He was tolerantly indulgent: he just said I hadn’t picked the right letter. But his amusement was gone; I could tell he was bored. Still, there was something else I had to learn. “Could you, pen in hand, clearly state it yourself—to name it, phrase it, formulate it?”

“Oh,” he almost passionately sighed, “if I were only, pen in hand, one of you chaps!”

“Oh,” he almost passionately sighed, “if only I had a pen in hand, and could be one of you guys!”

“That would be a great chance for you of course.  But why should you despise us chaps for not doing what you can’t do yourself?”

“That would be a great opportunity for you, of course. But why should you look down on us for not doing what you can’t do yourself?”

“Can’t do?”  He opened his eyes.  “Haven’t I done it in twenty volumes?  I do it in my way,” he continued.  “Go you and don’t do it in yours.”

“Can’t do?” He opened his eyes. “Haven’t I done it in twenty volumes? I do it my way,” he continued. “You go and don’t do it your way.”

“Ours is so devilish difficult,” I weakly observed.

“Ours is really tough,” I weakly remarked.

“So’s mine.  We each choose our own.  There’s no compulsion.  You won’t come down and smoke?”

“So’s mine. We each choose our own. There’s no pressure. You’re not going to come down and smoke?”

“No.  I want to think this thing out.”

“No. I want to figure this out.”

“You’ll tell me then in the morning that you’ve laid me bare?”

“You’ll tell me in the morning that you’ve exposed me?”

“I’ll see what I can do; I’ll sleep on it.  But just one word more,” I added.  We had left the room—I walked again with him a few steps along the passage.  “This extraordinary ‘general intention,’ as you call it—for that’s the most vivid description I can induce you to make of it—is then, generally, a sort of buried treasure?”

"I'll see what I can do; I'll think about it overnight. But just one more thing," I added. We had left the room—I walked with him a few steps down the hallway. "This amazing 'general intention,' as you put it—because that's the best way I can get you to describe it—is, in general, a kind of hidden treasure?"

His face lighted.  “Yes, call it that, though it’s perhaps not for me to do so.”

His face lit up. "Yeah, let's call it that, even though it might not be my place to say so."

“Nonsense!” I laughed.  “You know you’re hugely proud of it.”

“Nonsense!” I laughed. “You know you're really proud of it.”

“Well, I didn’t propose to tell you so; but it is the joy of my soul!”

“Well, I didn’t plan on telling you this; but it is the joy of my soul!”

“You mean it’s a beauty so rare, so great?”

"You mean it's a beauty that's so rare, so incredible?"

He waited a little again.  “The loveliest thing in the world!”  We had stopped, and on these words he left me; but at the end of the corridor, while I looked after him rather yearningly, he turned and caught sight of my puzzled face.  It made him earnestly, indeed I thought quite anxiously, shake his head and wave his finger “Give it up—give it up!”

He waited a moment longer. “The most beautiful thing in the world!” We had stopped, and with those words, he left me; but at the end of the hallway, while I watched him with a bit of longing, he turned and noticed my confused expression. It made him seriously, and I thought even a bit worried, shake his head and wave his finger, “Let it go—let it go!”

This wasn’t a challenge—it was fatherly advice.  If I had had one of his books at hand I’d have repeated my recent act of faith—I’d have spent half the night with him.  At three o’clock in the morning, not sleeping, remembering moreover how indispensable he was to Lady Jane, I stole down to the library with a candle.  There wasn’t, so far as I could discover, a line of his writing in the house.

This wasn’t a challenge—it was parental advice. If I had one of his books nearby, I would have repeated my recent act of faith—I would have spent half the night with him. At three in the morning, unable to sleep and remembering how essential he was to Lady Jane, I quietly went down to the library with a candle. There wasn’t, as far as I could tell, a single line of his writing in the house.

CHAPTER IV.

Returning to town I feverishly collected them all; I picked out each in its order and held it up to the light.  This gave me a maddening month, in the course of which several things took place.  One of these, the last, I may as well immediately mention, was that I acted on Vereker’s advice: I renounced my ridiculous attempt.  I could really make nothing of the business; it proved a dead loss.  After all I had always, as he had himself noted, liked him; and what now occurred was simply that my new intelligence and vain preoccupation damaged my liking.  I not only failed to run a general intention to earth, I found myself missing the subordinate intentions I had formerly enjoyed.  His books didn’t even remain the charming things they had been for me; the exasperation of my search put me out of conceit of them.  Instead of being a pleasure the more they became a resource the less; for from the moment I was unable to follow up the author’s hint I of course felt it a point of honour not to make use professionally of my knowledge of them.  I had no knowledge—nobody had any.  It was humiliating, but I could bear it—they only annoyed me now.  At last they even bored me, and I accounted for my confusion—perversely, I allow—by the idea that Vereker had made a fool of me.  The buried treasure was a bad joke, the general intention a monstrous pose.

Back to town, I hurriedly gathered everything; I picked each item in its order and held it up to the light. This resulted in a frustrating month, during which several things happened. One of these, the last, I might as well mention right away, was that I took Vereker’s advice: I gave up my pointless attempt. I really couldn’t make sense of the situation; it turned out to be a total loss. After all, I had always liked him, as he himself noted, and what happened now was that my newfound awareness and foolish obsession ruined my feelings for him. I not only failed to uncover a main idea, but I also found myself missing the smaller insights I used to enjoy. His books didn’t even feel as charming as they once did; the frustration of my search made me lose interest in them. Rather than being a pleasure, they became less useful; from the moment I couldn’t follow up on the author’s hints, I felt it was a point of pride not to use my knowledge of them professionally. I had no knowledge—nobody did. It was humiliating, but I could handle it—they just annoyed me now. Eventually, they even bored me, and I explained my confusion—albeit incorrectly—by thinking that Vereker had played a trick on me. The hidden treasure was a bad joke, and the central idea was an absurd act.

The great point of it all is, however, that I told George Corvick what had befallen me and that my information had an immense effect upon him.  He had at last come back, but so, unfortunately, had Mrs. Erme, and there was as yet, I could see, no question of his nuptials.  He was immensely stirred up by the anecdote I had brought from Bridges; it fell in so completely with the sense he had had from the first that there was more in Vereker than met the eye.  When I remarked that the eye seemed what the printed page had been expressly invented to meet he immediately accused me of being spiteful because I had been foiled.  Our commerce had always that pleasant latitude.  The thing Vereker had mentioned to me was exactly the thing he, Corvick, had wanted me to speak of in my review.  On my suggesting at last that with the assistance I had now given him he would doubtless be prepared to speak of it himself he admitted freely that before doing this there was more he must understand.  What he would have said, had he reviewed the new book, was that there was evidently in the writer’s inmost art something to be understood.  I hadn’t so much as hinted at that: no wonder the writer hadn’t been flattered!  I asked Corvick what he really considered he meant by his own supersubtlety, and, unmistakeably kindled, he replied: “It isn’t for the vulgar—it isn’t for the vulgar!”  He had hold of the tail of something; he would pull hard, pull it right out.  He pumped me dry on Vereker’s strange confidence and, pronouncing me the luckiest of mortals, mentioned half a dozen questions he wished to goodness I had had the gumption to put.  Yet on the other hand he didn’t want to be told too much—it would spoil the fun of seeing what would come.  The failure of my fun was at the moment of our meeting not complete, but I saw it ahead, and Corvick saw that I saw it.  I, on my side, saw likewise that one of the first things he would do would be to rush off with my story to Gwendolen.

The main point of it all is that I told George Corvick what happened to me, and my information had a huge impact on him. He had finally come back, but sadly, so had Mrs. Erme, and I could tell there was still no question of his marriage. He was really stirred up by the story I got from Bridges; it matched perfectly with the feeling he had all along that there was more to Vereker than what appeared. When I commented that the eye seemed like what the printed page was created to address, he immediately accused me of being bitter because I'd been thwarted. Our conversations had always had that enjoyable flexibility. The thing Vereker mentioned to me was exactly what he, Corvick, wanted me to bring up in my review. When I finally suggested that with the help I had given him he would probably be ready to talk about it himself, he openly admitted that before doing so, there was more he needed to understand. What he would have said if he had reviewed the new book is that there was clearly something in the writer’s deeper craft that needed to be comprehended. I hadn’t even hinted at that: no wonder the writer didn’t feel appreciated! I asked Corvick what he really thought he meant by his own complexity, and clearly excited, he replied, “It isn’t for the common person—it isn’t for the common person!” He was onto something; he would dig deep and uncover it. He drained me dry on Vereker’s strange confidence and, calling me the luckiest of mortals, mentioned half a dozen questions he wished I had thought to ask. Yet, on the flip side, he didn’t want to be told too much—it would ruin the excitement of seeing what would happen next. My fun at the moment of our meeting wasn’t completely over, but I could see it coming, and Corvick knew I could. I, for my part, also realized that one of the first things he would do would be to run off with my story to Gwendolen.

On the very day after my talk with him I was surprised by the receipt of a note from Hugh Vereker, to whom our encounter at Bridges had been recalled, as he mentioned, by his falling, in a magazine, on some article to which my signature was attached.  “I read it with great pleasure,” he wrote, “and remembered under its influence our lively conversation by your bedroom fire.  The consequence of this has been that I begin to measure the temerity of my having saddled you with a knowledge that you may find something of a burden.  Now that the fit’s over I can’t imagine how I came to be moved so much beyond my wont.  I had never before mentioned, no matter in what state of expansion, the fact of my little secret, and I shall never speak of that mystery again.  I was accidentally so much more explicit with you than it had ever entered into my game to be, that I find this game—I mean the pleasure of playing it—suffers considerably.  In short, if you can understand it, I’ve rather spoiled my sport.  I really don’t want to give anybody what I believe you clever young men call the tip.  That’s of course a selfish solicitude, and I name it to you for what it may be worth to you.  If you’re disposed to humour me don’t repeat my revelation.  Think me demented—it’s your right; but don’t tell anybody why.”

The day after my conversation with him, I was surprised to receive a note from Hugh Vereker. He mentioned that our encounter at Bridges came to mind when he stumbled upon an article I had signed in a magazine. “I read it with great pleasure,” he wrote, “and I remembered our lively chat by your bedroom fire. Because of that, I've started to think about how reckless it was for me to have shared something with you that might be a burden. Now that the moment has passed, I can’t believe I let myself get so carried away. I’ve never talked about my little secret before, no matter how much I was expanding on other topics, and I won’t mention that mystery again. I accidentally got more personal with you than I ever intended, and I feel like this has ruined the enjoyment of the game I usually play. In short, if you can grasp this, I’ve spoiled my fun. I really don’t want to give anyone what I believe you clever young people call a heads-up. I know that sounds selfish, and I mention it for whatever it's worth to you. If you’re willing to humor me, please keep my revelation to yourself. You can think I’m crazy—that’s your call; just don’t tell anyone why.”

The sequel to this communication was that as early on the morrow as I dared I drove straight to Mr. Vereker’s door.  He occupied in those years one of the honest old houses in Kensington Square.  He received me immediately, and as soon as I came in I saw I hadn’t lost my power to minister to his mirth.  He laughed out at sight of my face, which doubtless expressed my perturbation.  I had been indiscreet—my compunction was great.  “I have told somebody,” I panted, “and I’m sure that person will by this time have told somebody else!  It’s a woman, into the bargain.”

The follow-up to this message was that as soon as I felt brave enough the next morning, I went straight to Mr. Vereker’s house. He lived in one of the charming old houses in Kensington Square at that time. He welcomed me right away, and as soon as I walked in, I realized I still had the ability to make him laugh. He burst into laughter at the sight of my face, which clearly showed my anxiety. I felt guilty for being careless—my regret was intense. “I told someone,” I gasped, “and I’m sure that person has probably told someone else by now! Plus, it’s a woman.”

“The person you’ve told?”

“The person you mentioned?”

“No, the other person.  I’m quite sure he must have told her.”

“No, the other person. I'm pretty sure he must have told her.”

“For all the good it will do her—or do me!  A woman will never find out.”

“For all the good it will do her—or do me! A woman will never find out.”

“No, but she’ll talk all over the place: she’ll do just what you don’t want.”

“No, but she’ll chat about everything: she’ll do exactly what you don’t want.”

Vereker thought a moment, but wasn’t so disconcerted as I had feared: he felt that if the harm was done it only served him right.  “It doesn’t matter—don’t worry.”

Vereker thought for a moment, but he wasn't as upset as I had worried he would be: he felt that if the damage was done, it was just his own fault. "It’s okay—don’t stress about it."

“I’ll do my best, I promise you, that your talk with me shall go no further.”

“I’ll do my best, I promise you, that our conversation won’t go any further.”

“Very good; do what you can.”

“Sounds good; do what you can.”

“In the meantime,” I pursued, “George Corvick’s possession of the tip may, on his part, really lead to something.”

“In the meantime,” I continued, “George Corvick having the tip might actually lead to something on his end.”

“That will be a brave day.”

“That’s going to be a brave day.”

I told him about Corvick’s cleverness, his admiration, the intensity of his interest in my anecdote; and without making too much of the divergence of our respective estimates mentioned that my friend was already of opinion that he saw much further into a certain affair than most people.  He was quite as fired as I had been at Bridges.  He was moreover in love with the young lady: perhaps the two together would puzzle something out.

I told him about Corvick’s cleverness, his admiration, and how intensely he was interested in my story; and while I didn’t dwell too much on how different our views were, I mentioned that my friend already believed he understood a certain situation better than most people. He was just as fired up as I had been about Bridges. Plus, he was in love with the young lady: maybe the two of them together would figure something out.

Vereker seemed struck with this.  “Do you mean they’re to be married?”

Vereker seemed shocked by this. “Are you saying they’re getting married?”

“I dare say that’s what it will come to.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what it will come to.”

“That may help them,” he conceded, “but we must give them time!”

“That might help them,” he admitted, “but we need to give them time!”

I spoke of my own renewed assault and confessed my difficulties; whereupon he repeated his former advice: “Give it up, give it up!”  He evidently didn’t think me intellectually equipped for the adventure.  I stayed half an hour, and he was most good-natured, but I couldn’t help pronouncing him a man of unstable moods.  He had been free with me in a mood, he had repented in a mood, and now in a mood he had turned indifferent.  This general levity helped me to believe that, so far as the subject of the tip went, there wasn’t much in it.  I contrived however to make him answer a few more questions about it, though he did so with visible impatience.  For himself, beyond doubt, the thing we were all so blank about was vividly there.  It was something, I guessed, in the primal plan, something like a complex figure in a Persian carpet.  He highly approved of this image when I used it, and he used another himself.  “It’s the very string,” he said, “that my pearls are strung on!”  The reason of his note to me had been that he really didn’t want to give us a grain of succour—our density was a thing too perfect in its way to touch.  He had formed the habit of depending on it, and if the spell was to break it must break by some force of its own.  He comes back to me from that last occasion—for I was never to speak to him again—as a man with some safe preserve for sport.  I wondered as I walked away where he had got his tip.

I talked about my own renewed efforts and admitted my struggles; in response, he repeated his earlier advice: “Just give it up!” Clearly, he didn’t think I was smart enough for the challenge. I stayed for half an hour, and he was really friendly, but I couldn't help but think of him as someone with unpredictable moods. He had opened up to me in one mood, felt regretful in another, and now, in yet another mood, he had become indifferent. This overall lightheartedness made me believe that, as far as the topic of the tip went, there wasn’t much to it. Still, I managed to get him to answer a few more questions, though he seemed visibly annoyed. For him, without a doubt, the thing we were all confused about was very clear. I thought it must be something in the original plan, something like a complex design in a Persian carpet. He really liked this analogy when I used it, and he had one of his own. “It’s the very string that my pearls are strung on!” he said. The reason for his note to me was that he really didn’t want to offer us any help—our ignorance was just too perfect in its own way for him to touch. He had become accustomed to relying on it, and if the spell was going to be broken, it had to happen on its own. I remember him from that last time I saw him—since I was never going to speak to him again—like a guy with a safe place to play. I wondered as I walked away where he had gotten his tip.

CHAPTER V.

When I spoke to George Corvick of the caution I had received he made me feel that any doubt of his delicacy would be almost an insult.  He had instantly told Gwendolen, but Gwendolen’s ardent response was in itself a pledge of discretion.  The question would now absorb them and would offer them a pastime too precious to be shared with the crowd.  They appeared to have caught instinctively at Vereker’s high idea of enjoyment.  Their intellectual pride, however, was not such as to make them indifferent to any further light I might throw on the affair they had in hand.  They were indeed of the “artistic temperament,” and I was freshly struck with my colleague’s power to excite himself over a question of art.  He’d call it letters, he’d call it life, but it was all one thing.  In what he said I now seemed to understand that he spoke equally for Gwendolen, to whom, as soon as Mrs. Erme was sufficiently better to allow her a little leisure, he made a point of introducing me.  I remember our going together one Sunday in August to a huddled house in Chelsea, and my renewed envy of Corvick’s possession of a friend who had some light to mingle with his own.  He could say things to her that I could never say to him.  She had indeed no sense of humour and, with her pretty way of holding her head on one side, was one of those persons whom you want, as the phrase is, to shake, but who have learnt Hungarian by themselves.  She conversed perhaps in Hungarian with Corvick; she had remarkably little English for his friend.  Corvick afterwards told me that I had chilled her by my apparent indisposition to oblige them with the detail of what Vereker had said to me.  I allowed that I felt I had given thought enough to that indication: hadn’t I even made up my mind that it was vain and would lead nowhere?  The importance they attached to it was irritating and quite envenomed my doubts.

When I talked to George Corvick about the caution I had received, he made me feel that any doubt about his sensitivity would be almost insulting. He had immediately told Gwendolen, but her passionate reaction was, in itself, a promise of discretion. The question would now occupy them and provide them with a distraction too valuable to share with others. They seemed to instinctively grasp Vereker’s grand idea of enjoyment. However, their intellectual pride didn’t make them indifferent to any further insights I might offer on the matter they were dealing with. They were definitely of the “artistic temperament,” and I was struck again by my colleague’s ability to get excited over a question of art. He’d call it letters, he’d call it life, but it was essentially the same thing. What he said made me realize that he was also speaking for Gwendolen, whom he made a point of introducing me to as soon as Mrs. Erme was well enough to allow her a bit of free time. I remember going together one Sunday in August to a cramped house in Chelsea, and feeling renewed envy for Corvick’s connection with a friend who had some insight to share alongside his own. He could express things to her that I could never say to him. She really had no sense of humor and, with her charming way of tilting her head, was one of those people whom you want to, as the expression goes, shake, but who have managed to learn Hungarian on their own. She probably conversed in Hungarian with Corvick; she had remarkably little English for his friend. Corvick later told me that I had put her off with my apparent unwillingness to share the details of what Vereker had said to me. I admitted that I felt I had thought enough about that hint: hadn’t I even concluded that it was pointless and would lead nowhere? The importance they placed on it was annoying and only fueled my doubts.

That statement looks unamiable, and what probably happened was that I felt humiliated at seeing other persons deeply beguiled by an experiment that had brought me only chagrin.  I was out in the cold while, by the evening fire, under the lamp, they followed the chase for which I myself had sounded the horn.  They did as I had done, only more deliberately and sociably—they went over their author from the beginning.  There was no hurry, Corvick said the future was before them and the fascination could only grow; they would take him page by page, as they would take one of the classics, inhale him in slow draughts and let him sink all the way in.  They would scarce have got so wound up, I think, if they hadn’t been in love: poor Vereker’s inner meaning gave them endless occasion to put and to keep their young heads together.  None the less it represented the kind of problem for which Corvick had a special aptitude, drew out the particular pointed patience of which, had he lived, he would have given more striking and, it is to be hoped, more fruitful examples.  He at least was, in Vereker’s words, a little demon of subtlety.  We had begun by disputing, but I soon saw that without my stirring a finger his infatuation would have its bad hours.  He would bound off on false scents as I had done—he would clap his hands over new lights and see them blown out by the wind of the turned page.  He was like nothing, I told him, but the maniacs who embrace some bedlamitical theory of the cryptic character of Shakespeare.  To this he replied that if we had had Shakespeare’s own word for his being cryptic he would at once have accepted it.  The case there was altogether different—we had nothing but the word of Mr. Snooks.  I returned that I was stupefied to see him attach such importance even to the word of Mr. Vereker.  He wanted thereupon to know if I treated Mr. Vereker’s word as a lie.  I wasn’t perhaps prepared, in my unhappy rebound, to go so far as that, but I insisted that till the contrary was proved I should view it as too fond an imagination.  I didn’t, I confess, say—I didn’t at that time quite know—all I felt.  Deep down, as Miss Erme would have said, I was uneasy, I was expectant.  At the core of my disconcerted state—for my wonted curiosity lived in its ashes—was the sharpness of a sense that Corvick would at last probably come out somewhere.  He made, in defence of his credulity, a great point of the fact that from of old, in his study of this genius, he had caught whiffs and hints of he didn’t know what, faint wandering notes of a hidden music.  That was just the rarity, that was the charm: it fitted so perfectly into what I reported.

That statement sounds unfriendly, and what probably happened was that I felt embarrassed watching others completely captivated by an experiment that had brought me nothing but disappointment. I was left out in the cold while, by the evening fire, under the lamp, they pursued the very chase for which I had sounded the horn. They did what I had done, only more intentionally and sociably—they revisited their author from the start. There was no rush; Corvick said the future was ahead of them, and the fascination could only deepen; they would take him page by page, like they would with a classic, absorbing him slowly and letting him sink in completely. I think they wouldn’t have gotten so wrapped up if they hadn’t been in love: poor Vereker’s deeper meaning gave them endless chances to lean in close together. Still, it posed the kind of problem that Corvick had a knack for, pulling out the precise kind of patient focus that, had he lived, he would have showcased in more striking and, hopefully, more fruitful ways. He was, in Vereker’s words, a little demon of subtlety. We started off debating, but I soon realized that without me lifting a finger, his obsession would have its rough moments. He would chase after dead ends just like I had—he would get excited about new insights only to watch them fizzle out with the turn of the page. I told him he was nothing like the maniacs who latch onto a crazy theory about the cryptic nature of Shakespeare. To this, he replied that if we had Shakespeare’s own word on him being cryptic, he would immediately accept it. The situation was totally different—we only had Mr. Snooks' word. I responded that I was shocked he attached such importance to Mr. Vereker's word. He then wanted to know if I thought Mr. Vereker's word was a lie. I wasn’t quite ready, in my unhappy rebound, to go that far, but I insisted that until proven otherwise, I would see it as an overly optimistic fantasy. I didn’t, I confess, articulate—I didn’t know at the time—everything I felt. Deep down, as Miss Erme would have said, I was uneasy and expectant. At the heart of my unsettled state—since my usual curiosity lay in its ashes—was a nagging sense that Corvick would eventually figure something out. He emphasized in defense of his belief that throughout his study of this genius, he had caught glimpses and hints of he didn’t know what, faint, wandering notes of hidden music. That was exactly the rarity, that was the charm: it coincided perfectly with what I reported.

If I returned on several occasions to the little house in Chelsea I dare say it was as much for news of Vereker as for news of Miss Erme’s ailing parent.  The hours spent there by Corvick were present to my fancy as those of a chessplayer bent with a silent scowl, all the lamplit winter, over his board and his moves.  As my imagination filled it out the picture held me fast.  On the other side of the table was a ghostlier form, the faint figure of an antagonist good-humouredly but a little wearily secure—an antagonist who leaned back in his chair with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his fine clear face.  Close to Corvick, behind him, was a girl who had begun to strike me as pale and wasted and even, on more familiar view, as rather handsome, and who rested on his shoulder and hung on his moves.  He would take up a chessman and hold it poised a while over one of the little squares, and then would put it back in its place with a long sigh of disappointment.  The young lady, at this, would slightly but uneasily shift her position and look across, very hard, very long, very strangely, at their dim participant.  I had asked them at an early stage of the business if it mightn’t contribute to their success to have some closer communication with him.  The special circumstances would surely be held to have given me a right to introduce them.  Corvick immediately replied that he had no wish to approach the altar before he had prepared the sacrifice.  He quite agreed with our friend both as to the delight and as to the honour of the chase—he would bring down the animal with his own rifle.  When I asked him if Miss Erme were as keen a shot he said after thinking: “No, I’m ashamed to say she wants to set a trap.  She’d give anything to see him; she says she requires another tip.  She’s really quite morbid about it.  But she must play fair—she shan’t see him!” he emphatically added.  I wondered if they hadn’t even quarrelled a little on the subject—a suspicion not corrected by the way he more than once exclaimed to me: “She’s quite incredibly literary, you know—quite fantastically!”  I remember his saying of her that she felt in italics and thought in capitals.  “Oh when I’ve run him to earth,” he also said, “then, you know, I shall knock at his door.  Rather—I beg you to believe.  I’ll have it from his own lips: ‘Right you are, my boy; you’ve done it this time!’  He shall crown me victor—with the critical laurel.”

If I went back several times to the little house in Chelsea, I’d say it was just as much to hear about Vereker as it was to check on Miss Erme’s sick parent. The hours Corvick spent there felt to me like those of a chess player, frowning silently all winter long by the lamp, focused on his board and moves. As I imagined it, the scene captivated me. On the other side of the table was a ghostly figure, a faintly cheerful but somewhat tired opponent—someone who leaned back in his chair with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his clear, handsome face. Close to Corvick, behind him, was a girl who started to seem pale and worn out, and even, upon getting a better look, rather beautiful, resting on his shoulder and hanging on his every move. He would lift a chess piece, hold it over one of the little squares for a moment, and then put it back in its place with a long sigh of disappointment. The young lady would then shift slightly but uneasily in her seat and stare very intently, for a long time, at their shadowy opponent. Early on, I had asked if having a closer connection with him might help them succeed. The specific circumstances surely gave me the right to introduce them. Corvick immediately replied that he didn’t want to get too close before he was ready to make the sacrifice. He completely agreed with our friend about the thrill and the honor of the hunt—he wanted to catch the game with his own rifle. When I asked him if Miss Erme was as eager a hunter, he paused and said, “No, I’m embarrassed to admit she wants to set a trap. She’d do anything to see him; she says she needs another hint. She’s really quite obsessed with it. But she has to play fair—she won’t see him!” he insisted. I wondered if they might have even had a slight argument about this—it was a thought reinforced by the way he repeatedly exclaimed to me: “She’s quite unbelievably literary, you know—just fantastically so!” I remember him saying of her that she feels in italics and thinks in capitals. “Oh, when I finally find him,” he also said, “then, you know, I’ll knock on his door. Trust me. I’ll get it straight from him: ‘You’ve done it this time!’ He’ll make me the victor—with the critical laurel.”

Meanwhile he really avoided the chances London life might have given him of meeting the distinguished novelist; a danger, however, that disappeared with Vereker’s leaving England for an indefinite absence, as the newspapers announced—going to the south for motives connected with the health of his wife, which had long kept her in retirement.  A year—more than a year—had elapsed since the incident at Bridges, but I had had no further sight of him.  I think I was at bottom rather ashamed—I hated to remind him that, though I had irremediably missed his point, a reputation for acuteness was rapidly overtaking me.  This scruple led me a dance; kept me out of Lady Jane’s house, made me even decline, when in spite of my bad manners she was a second time so good as to make me a sign, an invitation to her beautiful seat.  I once became aware of her under Vereker’s escort at a concert, and was sure I was seen by them, but I slipped out without being caught.  I felt, as on that occasion I splashed along in the rain, that I couldn’t have done anything else; and yet I remember saying to myself that it was hard, was even cruel.  Not only had I lost the books, but I had lost the man himself: they and their author had been alike spoiled for me.  I knew too which was the loss I most regretted.  I had taken to the man still more than I had ever taken to the books.

Meanwhile, he really avoided the chances that life in London might have given him to meet the famous novelist; however, that risk vanished when Vereker left England for an indefinite period, as the newspapers reported—heading south for reasons related to his wife's health, which had kept her out of the public eye for so long. A year—more than a year—had passed since the incident at Bridges, but I hadn’t seen him again. I think, deep down, I felt kind of ashamed—I hated bringing up the fact that, even though I had completely missed his point, I was quickly gaining a reputation for being sharp. This dilemma kept me in a knot; it kept me away from Lady Jane’s house and even made me turn down her invitation to her beautiful estate, despite her second attempt to invite me, even after my rudeness. I once spotted her with Vereker at a concert and was sure they saw me, but I slipped away without being noticed. I felt, as I splashed through the rain on that occasion, that I couldn’t have done anything else; yet I remember telling myself it was hard, even cruel. Not only had I lost the books, but I had lost the man himself: both him and his work had been ruined for me. I also knew which loss I regretted the most. I had come to care for the man even more than I had ever cared for the books.

CHAPTER VI.

Six months after our friend had left England George Corvick, who made his living by his pen, contracted for a piece of work which imposed on him an absence of some length and a journey of some difficulty, and his undertaking of which was much of a surprise to me.  His brother-in-law had become editor of a great provincial paper, and the great provincial paper, in a fine flight of fancy, had conceived the idea of sending a “special commissioner” to India.  Special commissioners had begun, in the “metropolitan press,” to be the fashion, and the journal in question must have felt it had passed too long for a mere country cousin.  Corvick had no hand, I knew, for the big brush of the correspondent, but that was his brother-in-law’s affair, and the fact that a particular task was not in his line was apt to be with himself exactly a reason for accepting it.  He was prepared to out-Herod the metropolitan press; he took solemn precautions against priggishness, he exquisitely outraged taste.  Nobody ever knew it—that offended principle was all his own.  In addition to his expenses he was to be conveniently paid, and I found myself able to help him, for the usual fat book, to a plausible arrangement with the usual fat publisher.  I naturally inferred that his obvious desire to make a little money was not unconnected with the prospect of a union with Gwendolen Erme.  I was aware that her mother’s opposition was largely addressed to his want of means and of lucrative abilities, but it so happened that, on my saying the last time I saw him something that bore on the question of his separation from our young lady, he brought out with an emphasis that startled me: “Ah I’m not a bit engaged to her, you know!”

Six months after our friend left England, George Corvick, who earned his living as a writer, took on a job that required him to be away for a while and involved a challenging trip, which surprised me. His brother-in-law had become the editor of a major regional newspaper, and in a burst of inspiration, the newspaper decided to send a “special commissioner” to India. Special commissioners had become a trend in the “metropolitan press,” and the paper probably felt it had been too long since it was treated like just a country cousin. I knew Corvick wasn’t suited for the broad strokes of a correspondent, but that was his brother-in-law’s issue, and the fact that the task wasn’t his usual style was often exactly why he would agree to it. He was set to outdo the metropolitan press; he took great care to avoid being pretentious and pushed boundaries of taste. Nobody ever realized it—that principle was entirely his own. In addition to his expenses, he would be paid well, and I managed to assist him, through the usual hefty book deal with a typical large publisher. I guessed that his clear interest in earning some money was linked to the possibility of marrying Gwendolen Erme. I knew her mother’s disapproval mostly revolved around his lack of financial means and job prospects, but it turned out that when I last spoke to him about his distance from our young lady, he emphatically stated, “Ah, I’m not at all engaged to her, you know!”

“Not overtly,” I answered, “because her mother doesn’t like you.  But I’ve always taken for granted a private understanding.”

“Not really,” I answered, “since her mom doesn’t like you. But I’ve always assumed we have a private understanding.”

“Well, there was one.  But there isn’t now.”  That was all he said save something about Mrs. Erme’s having got on her feet again in the most extraordinary way—a remark pointing, as I supposed, the moral that private understandings were of little use when the doctor didn’t share them.  What I took the liberty of more closely inferring was that the girl might in some way have estranged him.  Well, if he had taken the turn of jealousy for instance it could scarcely be jealousy of me.  In that case—over and above the absurdity of it—he wouldn’t have gone away just to leave us together.  For some time before his going we had indulged in no allusion to the buried treasure, and from his silence, which my reserve simply emulated, I had drawn a sharp conclusion.  His courage had dropped, his ardour had gone the way of mine—this appearance at least he left me to scan.  More than that he couldn’t do; he couldn’t face the triumph with which I might have greeted an explicit admission.  He needn’t have been afraid, poor dear, for I had by this time lost all need to triumph.  In fact I considered I showed magnanimity in not reproaching him with his collapse, for the sense of his having thrown up the game made me feel more than ever how much I at last depended on him.  If Corvick had broken down I should never know; no one would be of any use if he wasn’t.  It wasn’t a bit true I had ceased to care for knowledge; little by little my curiosity not only had begun to ache again, but had become the familiar torment of my days and my nights.  There are doubtless people to whom torments of such an order appear hardly more natural than the contortions of disease; but I don’t after all know why I should in this connexion so much as mention them.  For the few persons, at any rate, abnormal or not, with whom my anecdote is concerned, literature was a game of skill, and skill meant courage, and courage meant honour, and honour meant passion, meant life.  The stake on the table was of a special substance and our roulette the revolving mind, but we sat round the green board as intently as the grim gamblers at Monte Carlo.  Gwendolen Erme, for that matter, with her white face and her fixed eyes, was of the very type of the lean ladies one had met in the temples of chance.  I recognised in Corvick’s absence that she made this analogy vivid.  It was extravagant, I admit, the way she lived for the art of the pen.  Her passion visibly preyed on her, and in her presence I felt almost tepid.  I got hold of “Deep Down” again: it was a desert in which she had lost herself, but in which too she had dug a wonderful hole in the sand—a cavity out of which Corvick had still more remarkably pulled her.

“Well, there was one. But there isn’t now.” That was all he said except for a comment about Mrs. Erme getting back on her feet in the most surprising way—a remark that I thought suggested the idea that personal deals don’t matter much if the doctor doesn’t agree with them. What I inferred was that the girl might have somehow pushed him away. If he had gotten jealous, for example, it would hardly be jealousy about me. In that case—besides the ridiculousness of it—he wouldn’t have left us alone together. For a while before he left, we hadn’t mentioned the buried treasure, and from his silence, which my own restraint simply mirrored, I came to a sharp conclusion. His courage had faded, his enthusiasm had vanished like mine—this was the least he left me to assess. He couldn’t do more; he couldn’t face the victory I might have felt if he had admitted it openly. He didn’t need to worry, poor thing, because at that point, I had lost all desire to gloat. In fact, I considered it generous of me not to blame him for his failure, since knowing that he had given up the game made me realize even more how much I relied on him. If Corvick had fallen apart, I’d never find out; no one else would matter if he wasn’t there. It wasn’t true that I had stopped caring about knowing; gradually, my curiosity had begun to hurt again and had turned into a familiar torment in my days and nights. There are undoubtedly people who think such torments are as unnatural as the symptoms of illness; but I don’t really know why I should even mention them in this context. For the few people, whether unusual or not, who were involved in my story, literature was a skill game, and skill required courage, which required honor, which meant passion, which meant life. The stakes were unique, and our roulette was the spinning mind, but we sat around the green table as intently as serious gamblers at Monte Carlo. As for Gwendolen Erme, with her pale face and focused eyes, she was the exact type of the thin women you’d find in gambling halls. I noticed in Corvick’s absence that she made this analogy striking. It was extreme, I admit, how she lived for the art of writing. Her passion visibly consumed her, and in her presence, I felt almost lukewarm. I picked up “Deep Down” again: it was a wasteland where she had lost herself, but within it, she had also dug a wonderful hole in the sand—a cavity from which Corvick had even more remarkably rescued her.

Early in March I had a telegram from her, in consequence of which I repaired immediately to Chelsea, where the first thing she said to me was: “He has got it, he has got it!”

Early in March, I got a telegram from her, so I went straight to Chelsea, where the first thing she said to me was: “He has it, he has it!”

She was moved, as I could see, to such depths that she must mean the great thing.  “Vereker’s idea?”

She was deeply affected, as I could tell, to the point that she must mean something significant. “Vereker’s idea?”

“His general intention.  George has cabled from Bombay.”

“His overall intention. George has sent a cable from Bombay.”

She had the missive open there; it was emphatic though concise.  “Eureka.  Immense.”  That was all—he had saved the cost of the signature.  I shared her emotion, but I was disappointed.  “He doesn’t say what it is.”

She had the letter open; it was direct yet to the point. “Eureka. Huge.” That was it—he had saved the trouble of signing it. I felt her excitement, but I was let down. “He doesn’t explain what it is.”

“How could he—in a telegram?  He’ll write it.”

“How could he—in a text? He’ll write it.”

“But how does he know?”

“But how does he know?”

“Know it’s the real thing?  Oh I’m sure that when you see it you do know.  Vera incessu patuit dea!”

“Know it’s the real thing? Oh, I’m sure that when you see it, you know. Vera incessu patuit dea!”

“It’s you, Miss Erme, who are a ‘dear’ for bringing me such news!”—I went all lengths in my high spirits.  “But fancy finding our goddess in the temple of Vishnu!  How strange of George to have been able to go into the thing again in the midst of such different and such powerful solicitations!”

“It’s you, Miss Erme, who is so sweet for bringing me such news!”—I went all out in my high spirits. “But can you believe we found our goddess in the temple of Vishnu! How odd of George to manage to get involved again amidst such different and strong pressures!”

“He hasn’t gone into it, I know; it’s the thing itself, let severely alone for six months, that has simply sprung out at him like a tigress out of the jungle.  He didn’t take a book with him—on purpose; indeed he wouldn’t have needed to—he knows every page, as I do, by heart.  They all worked in him together, and some day somewhere, when he wasn’t thinking, they fell, in all their superb intricacy, into the one right combination.  The figure in the carpet came out.  That’s the way he knew it would come and the real reason—you didn’t in the least understand, but I suppose I may tell you now—why he went and why I consented to his going.  We knew the change would do it—that the difference of thought, of scene, would give the needed touch, the magic shake.  We had perfectly, we had admirably calculated.  The elements were all in his mind, and in the secousse of a new and intense experience they just struck light.”  She positively struck light herself—she was literally, facially luminous.  I stammered something about unconscious cerebration, and she continued: “He’ll come right home—this will bring him.”

“He hasn’t engaged with it, I know; it’s the thing itself, left completely untouched for six months, that has suddenly hit him like a tigress jumping out of the jungle. He didn’t take a book with him—on purpose; in fact, he wouldn’t have needed to—he knows every page, just like I do, by heart. They all connected in him at once, and someday, somewhere, when he wasn’t thinking about it, they fell, with all their amazing complexity, into the one right combination. The figure in the carpet appeared. That’s how he knew it would happen and the real reason—you didn’t understand at all, but I guess I can tell you now—why he went and why I agreed to his going. We knew the change would make a difference—that the shift in thought, in scenery, would provide the necessary spark, the magic nudge. We had perfectly, we had exceptionally calculated. The elements were all in his mind, and in the shock of a new and intense experience, they just ignited.” She was positively glowing herself—she was literally, visibly radiant. I stumbled over something about unconscious thought processes, and she continued: “He’ll come right back—this will bring him.”

“To see Vereker, you mean?”

"Are you talking about Vereker?"

“To see Vereker—and to see me.  Think what he’ll have to tell me!”

“To see Vereker—and to see me. Think about what he’ll have to share with me!”

I hesitated.  “About India?”

I hesitated. "Is it about India?"

“About fiddlesticks!  About Vereker—about the figure in the carpet.”

“About fiddlesticks! About Vereker—about the figure in the carpet.”

“But, as you say, we shall surely have that in a letter.”

“But, as you said, we will definitely get that in a letter.”

She thought like one inspired, and I remembered how Corvick had told me long before that her face was interesting.  “Perhaps it can’t be got into a letter if it’s ‘immense.’”

She thought like someone inspired, and I recalled how Corvick had told me a long time ago that her face was intriguing. “Maybe it can’t be captured in a letter if it’s ‘immense.’”

“Perhaps not if it’s immense bosh.  If he has hold of something that can’t be got into a letter he hasn’t hold of the thing.  Vereker’s own statement to me was exactly that the ‘figure’ would fit into a letter.”

“Maybe not if it's complete nonsense. If he thinks he has something that can't be explained in a letter, then he doesn't really have anything at all. Vereker told me directly that the 'figure' would definitely fit into a letter.”

“Well, I cabled to George an hour ago—two words,” said Gwendolen.

"Well, I texted George an hour ago—just two words," said Gwendolen.

“Is it indiscreet of me to ask what they were?”

“Is it inappropriate for me to ask what they were?”

She hung fire, but at last brought them out.  “‘Angel, write.’”

She hesitated for a moment, but finally managed to bring them out. “‘Angel, write.’”

“Good!” I exclaimed.  “I’ll make it sure—I’ll send him the same.”

“Great!” I said. “I’ll make sure of it—I’ll send him the same thing.”

CHAPTER VII.

My words however were not absolutely the same—I put something instead of “angel”; and in the sequel my epithet seemed the more apt, for when eventually we heard from our traveller it was merely, it was thoroughly to be tantalised.  He was magnificent in his triumph, he described his discovery as stupendous; but his ecstasy only obscured it—there were to be no particulars till he should have submitted his conception to the supreme authority.  He had thrown up his commission, he had thrown up his book, he had thrown up everything but the instant need to hurry to Rapallo, on the Genoese shore, where Vereker was making a stay.  I wrote him a letter which was to await him at Aden—I besought him to relieve my suspense.  That he had found my letter was indicated by a telegram which, reaching me after weary days and in the absence of any answer to my laconic dispatch to him at Bombay, was evidently intended as a reply to both communications.  Those few words were in familiar French, the French of the day, which Covick often made use of to show he wasn’t a prig.  It had for some persons the opposite effect, but his message may fairly be paraphrased.  “Have patience; I want to see, as it breaks on you, the face you’ll make!”  “Tellement envie de voir ta tête!”—that was what I had to sit down with.  I can certainly not be said to have sat down, for I seem to remember myself at this time as rattling constantly between the little house in Chelsea and my own.  Our impatience, Gwendolen’s and mine, was equal, but I kept hoping her light would be greater.  We all spent during this episode, for people of our means, a great deal of money in telegrams and cabs, and I counted on the receipt of news from Rapallo immediately after the junction of the discoverer with the discovered.  The interval seemed an age, but late one day I heard a hansom precipitated to my door with the crash engendered by a hint of liberality.  I lived with my heart in my mouth and accordingly bounded to the window—a movement which gave me a view of a young lady erect on the footboard of the vehicle and eagerly looking up at my house.  At sight of me she flourished a paper with a movement that brought me straight down, the movement with which, in melodramas, handkerchiefs and reprieves are flourished at the foot of the scaffold.

My words, however, weren’t exactly the same—I replaced “angel” with something else; and later, my choice felt more fitting. When we finally heard from our traveler, it was just to be completely teased. He was grand in his achievement and described his discovery as incredible; but his excitement only muddled things—there would be no details until he presented his idea to the top authority. He had quit his job, he had abandoned his book, he had given up everything except the urgent need to rush to Rapallo, on the Genoese coast, where Vereker was staying. I wrote him a letter that was supposed to wait for him in Aden—I begged him to ease my anxiety. That he had received my letter was shown by a telegram that reached me after many long days and with no response to my brief message sent to him in Bombay; it was clearly meant as a reply to both. Those few words were in casual French, the everyday French that Covick often used to point out he wasn’t a snob. It had the opposite effect on some people, but his message could be summed up as: “Have patience; I want to see the look on your face as this unfolds!” “Tellement envie de voir ta tête!”—that’s what I was left with. I can’t say I actually sat down, as I remember myself constantly darting between the little house in Chelsea and my own. Our impatience, Gwendolen’s and mine, was equal, but I kept hoping hers would be even stronger. During this time, for people like us, we spent quite a bit on telegrams and cabs, and I was counting on news from Rapallo right after the discoverer connected with the discovered. The wait felt like forever, but late one day, I heard a cab rush up to my door with the sort of crash that suggests generosity. I was filled with anticipation and rushed to the window—this movement allowed me to see a young woman standing on the footboard of the cab, eagerly looking up at my house. Upon seeing me, she waved a paper in a way that made me hurry down, reminiscent of how handkerchiefs and pardons are brandished in melodramas at the foot of the gallows.

“Just seen Vereker—not a note wrong.  Pressed me to bosom—keeps me a month.”  So much I read on her paper while the cabby dropped a grin from his perch.  In my excitement I paid him profusely and in hers she suffered it; then as he drove away we started to walk about and talk.  We had talked, heaven knows, enough before, but this was a wondrous lift.  We pictured the whole scene at Rapallo, where he would have written, mentioning my name, for permission to call; that is I pictured it, having more material than my companion, whom I felt hang on my lips as we stopped on purpose before shop-windows we didn’t look into.  About one thing we were clear: if he was staying on for fuller communication we should at least have a letter from him that would help us through the dregs of delay.  We understood his staying on, and yet each of us saw, I think, that the other hated it.  The letter we were clear about arrived; it was for Gwendolen, and I called on her in time to save her the trouble of bringing it to me.  She didn’t read it out, as was natural enough; but she repeated to me what it chiefly embodied.  This consisted of the remarkable statement that he’d tell her after they were married exactly what she wanted to know.

“Just saw Vereker—not a single note wrong. He hugged me close—keeps me for a month.” That’s what I read on her paper while the cab driver smiled from his seat. In my excitement, I tipped him generously, and she let it happen; then as he drove away, we started walking and talking. We had talked, heaven knows, plenty before, but this felt amazing. We imagined the whole scene in Rapallo, where he would have written, mentioning my name, asking for permission to visit; at least I imagined it, having more to draw from than my companion, who I felt hanging on my every word as we paused deliberately in front of shop windows we didn’t bother looking into. One thing we agreed on: if he was sticking around for deeper conversation, we should at least get a letter from him to help us through the wait. We understood his decision to stay, and yet I think we both realized that neither of us liked it. The letter we were sure about arrived; it was for Gwendolen, and I went to see her just in time to save her the trouble of bringing it to me. She didn’t read it out loud, which was understandable; but she told me what it mainly said. This was a notable statement that he would tell her exactly what she wanted to know after they were married.

“Only then, when I’m his wife—not before,” she explained.  “It’s tantamount to saying—isn’t it?—that I must marry him straight off!”  She smiled at me while I flushed with disappointment, a vision of fresh delay that made me at first unconscious of my surprise.  It seemed more than a hint that on me as well he would impose some tiresome condition.  Suddenly, while she reported several more things from his letter, I remembered what he had told me before going away.  He had found Mr. Vereker deliriously interesting and his own possession of the secret a real intoxication.  The buried treasure was all gold and gems.  Now that it was there it seemed to grow and grow before him; it would have been, through all time and taking all tongues, one of the most wonderful flowers of literary art.  Nothing, in especial, once you were face to face with it, could show for more consummately done.  When once it came out it came out, was there with a splendour that made you ashamed; and there hadn’t been, save in the bottomless vulgarity of the age, with every one tasteless and tainted, every sense stopped, the smallest reason why it should have been overlooked.  It was great, yet so simple, was simple, yet so great, and the final knowledge of it was an experience quite apart.  He intimated that the charm of such an experience, the desire to drain it, in its freshness, to the last drop, was what kept him there close to the source.  Gwendolen, frankly radiant as she tossed me these fragments, showed the elation of a prospect more assured than my own.  That brought me back to the question of her marriage, prompted me to ask if what she meant by what she had just surprised me with was that she was under an engagement.

“Only then, when I’m his wife—not before,” she explained. “It’s basically saying, isn’t it?—that I have to marry him right away!” She smiled at me while I felt a flush of disappointment, a vision of unnecessary delay that at first made me oblivious to my surprise. It seemed more than a hint that he would also put some annoying condition on me. Suddenly, as she shared more details from his letter, I remembered what he had told me before he left. He had found Mr. Vereker incredibly interesting, and knowing the secret felt like a real thrill. The buried treasure was all gold and gems. Now that it was there, it seemed to grow and grow before him; it would have been, through all time and in every language, one of the most extraordinary achievements of literary art. Nothing, especially once you were face to face with it, could have been more perfectly done. When it came out, it exploded with a magnificence that made you feel ashamed; and there hadn’t been, except in the endless mediocrity of the time, with everyone lacking taste and corrupted, every sense dulled, a single reason for it to have been overlooked. It was great, yet so simple; simple, yet so great; and the ultimate understanding of it was an experience entirely unique. He suggested that the allure of such an experience, the desire to savor it in its freshness, to the very last drop, was what kept him so close to the source. Gwendolen, shining with excitement as she tossed me these snippets, showed a joy in a future more certain than mine. That brought me back to the topic of her marriage, prompting me to ask if what she meant by what she had just revealed to me was that she was engaged.

“Of course I am!” she answered.  “Didn’t you know it?”  She seemed astonished, but I was still more so, for Corvick had told me the exact contrary.  I didn’t mention this, however; I only reminded her how little I had been on that score in her confidence, or even in Corvick’s, and that, moreover I wasn’t in ignorance of her mother’s interdict.  At bottom I was troubled by the disparity of the two accounts; but after a little I felt Corvick’s to be the one I least doubted.  This simply reduced me to asking myself if the girl had on the spot improvised an engagement—vamped up an old one or dashed off a new—in order to arrive at the satisfaction she desired.  She must have had resources of which I was destitute, but she made her case slightly more intelligible by returning presently: “What the state of things has been is that we felt of course bound to do nothing in mamma’s lifetime.”

“Of course I am!” she replied. “Didn’t you know that?” She looked shocked, but I was even more surprised because Corvick had told me the exact opposite. I didn’t bring this up, though; I just reminded her how little I had been in her confidence or in Corvick’s, and that I wasn’t unaware of her mother’s restrictions. Deep down, I was troubled by the difference between the two stories; but after a while, I found that Corvick’s was the one I believed the most. This made me wonder if the girl had quickly come up with an engagement—either revived an old one or created a new one—just to get the answer she wanted. She must have had resources that I didn’t, but she made her situation a bit clearer by saying, “The way things have been is that we felt, of course, we shouldn’t do anything during mama’s lifetime.”

“But now you think you’ll just dispense with mamma’s consent?”

"But now you think you can just go ahead without mom’s permission?"

“Ah it mayn’t come to that!”  I wondered what it might come to, and she went on: “Poor dear, she may swallow the dose.  In fact, you know,” she added with a laugh, “she really must!”—a proposition of which, on behalf of every one concerned, I fully acknowledged the force.

“Ah, it might not come to that!” I wondered what it could lead to, and she continued: “Poor thing, she might take the dose. In fact, you know,” she added with a laugh, “she really has to!”—a suggestion that, on behalf of everyone involved, I completely recognized the importance of.

CHAPTER VIII.

Nothing more vexatious had ever happened to me than to become aware before Corvick’s arrival in England that I shouldn’t be there to put him through.  I found myself abruptly called to Germany by the alarming illness of my younger brother, who, against my advice, had gone to Munich to study, at the feet indeed of a great master, the art of portraiture in oils.  The near relative who made him an allowance had threatened to withdraw it if he should, under specious pretexts, turn for superior truth to Paris—Paris being somehow, for a Cheltenham aunt, the school of evil, the abyss.  I deplored this prejudice at the time, and the deep injury of it was now visible—first in the fact that it hadn’t saved the poor boy, who was clever, frail and foolish, from congestion of the lungs, and second in the greater break with London to which the event condemned me.  I’m afraid that what was uppermost in my mind during several anxious weeks was the sense that if we had only been in Paris I might have run over to see Corvick.  This was actually out of the question from every point of view: my brother, whose recovery gave us both plenty to do, was ill for three months, during which I never left him and at the end of which we had to face the absolute prohibition of a return to England.  The consideration of climate imposed itself, and he was in no state to meet it alone.  I took him to Meran and there spent the summer with him, trying to show him by example how to get back to work and nursing a rage of another sort that I tried not to show him.

Nothing more frustrating had ever happened to me than realizing before Corvick arrived in England that I wouldn't be there to support him. I was suddenly called to Germany due to the concerning illness of my younger brother, who, against my advice, had gone to Munich to study portrait painting under a renowned master. The family member who provided him with an allowance had threatened to cut it off if he decided, under misleading pretenses, to seek a better education in Paris—because for my Cheltenham aunt, Paris was somehow the school of evil, the abyss. I lamented this bias at the time, and its profound impact was now evident—first in the fact that it hadn’t saved the poor boy, who was talented, delicate, and careless, from developing lung congestion, and second in the even bigger separation from London that this situation forced on me. Honestly, during those weeks of worry, what weighed heavily on my mind was the thought that if we had only been in Paris, I could have easily gone to see Corvick. This was actually completely impossible from every angle: my brother, whose recovery kept both of us occupied, was sick for three months, during which I never left his side, and by the end of that time, we faced a total ban on returning to England. The consideration of the climate became crucial, and he was in no condition to handle it on his own. I took him to Meran and spent the summer there, trying to show him how to get back to work through my own example while nursing a different kind of frustration that I tried not to reveal to him.

The whole business proved the first of a series of phenomena so strangely interlaced that, taken together—which was how I had to take them—they form as good an illustration as I can recall of the manner in which, for the good of his soul doubtless, fate sometimes deals with a man’s avidity.  These incidents certainly had larger bearings than the comparatively meagre consequence we are here concerned with—though I feel that consequence also a thing to speak of with some respect.  It’s mainly in such a light, I confess, at any rate, that the ugly fruit of my exile is at this hour present to me.  Even at first indeed the spirit in which my avidity, as I have called it, made me regard that term owed no element of ease to the fact that before coming back from Rapallo George Corvick addressed me in a way I objected to.  His letter had none of the sedative action I must to-day profess myself sure he had wished to give it, and the march of occurrences was not so ordered as to make up for what it lacked.  He had begun on the spot, for one of the quarterlies, a great last word on Vereker’s writings, and this exhaustive study, the only one that would have counted, have existed, was to turn on the new light, to utter—oh, so quietly!—the unimagined truth.  It was in other words to trace the figure in the carpet through every convolution, to reproduce it in every tint.  The result, according to my friend, would be the greatest literary portrait ever painted, and what he asked of me was just to be so good as not to trouble him with questions till he should hang up his masterpiece before me.  He did me the honour to declare that, putting aside the great sitter himself, all aloft in his indifference, I was individually the connoisseur he was most working for.  I was therefore to be a good boy and not try to peep under the curtain before the show was ready: I should enjoy it all the more if I sat very still.

The whole situation turned out to be the first in a series of events so oddly intertwined that, when viewed together—which was how I had to approach them—they provide a pretty good example of how, for the sake of his soul, fate sometimes manages a person’s greed. These incidents certainly had broader implications than the relatively minor outcome we're focusing on here—even though I still think that outcome is worth discussing with some level of respect. That’s mainly how I see the unpleasant results of my exile right now. From the beginning, I must admit, my greed—as I’ve called it—made it uncomfortable to refer to that term, especially since before returning from Rapallo, George Corvick addressed me in a way I found objectionable. His letter didn’t have the calming effect that I believe he intended, and the unfolding events didn’t compensate for its lack. He had started on the spot, for one of the quarterlies, a grand final word on Vereker’s writings, and this thorough study— the only one that would matter—was meant to bring forth new insights and quietly reveal—oh, so discreetly!—the unimaginable truth. In other words, it was to untangle the figure in the carpet through every twist and turn, to reproduce it in every shade. According to my friend, the outcome would be the greatest literary portrait ever created, and all he asked of me was to not bother him with questions until he revealed his masterpiece to me. He flattered me by saying that, aside from the great subject himself, who remained aloof in his indifference, I was the connoisseur he was most working for. So, I was to behave and not try to peek before the performance was ready: I would enjoy it more if I sat still.

I did my best to sit very still, but I couldn’t help giving a jump on seeing in The Times, after I had been a week or two in Munich and before, as I knew, Corvick had reached London, the announcement of the sudden death of poor Mrs. Erme.  I instantly, by letter, appealed to Gwendolen for particulars, and she wrote me that her mother had yielded to long-threatened failure of the heart.  She didn’t say, but I took the liberty of reading into her words, that from the point of view of her marriage and also of her eagerness, which was quite a match for mine, this was a solution more prompt than could have been expected and more radical than waiting for the old lady to swallow the dose.  I candidly admit indeed that at the time—for I heard from her repeatedly—I read some singular things into Gwendolen’s words and some still more extraordinary ones into her silences.  Pen in hand, this way, I live the time over, and it brings back the oddest sense of my having been, both for months and in spite of myself, a kind of coerced spectator.  All my life had taken refuge in my eyes, which the procession of events appeared to have committed itself to keep astare.  There were days when I thought of writing to Hugh Vereker and simply throwing myself on his charity.  But I felt more deeply that I hadn’t fallen quite so low—besides which, quite properly, he would send me about my business.  Mrs. Erme’s death brought Corvick straight home, and within the month he was united “very quietly”—as quietly, I seemed to make out, as he meant in his article to bring out his trouvaille—to the young lady he had loved and quitted.  I use this last term, I may parenthetically say, because I subsequently grew sure that at the time he went to India, at the time of his great news from Bombay, there had been no positive pledge between them whatever.  There had been none at the moment she was affirming to me the very opposite.  On the other hand he had certainly become engaged the day he returned.  The happy pair went down to Torquay for their honeymoon, and there, in a reckless hour, it occurred to poor Corvick to take his young bride a drive.  He had no command of that business: this had been brought home to me of old in a little tour we had once made together in a dogcart.  In a dogcart he perched his companion for a rattle over Devonshire hills, on one of the likeliest of which he brought his horse, who, it was true, had bolted, down with such violence that the occupants of the cart were hurled forward and that he fell horribly on his head.  He was killed on the spot; Gwendolen escaped unhurt.

I tried my best to sit still, but I couldn’t help jumping when I saw in The Times, after spending a week or two in Munich and knowing that Corvick had reached London, the announcement of the sudden death of poor Mrs. Erme. I immediately wrote to Gwendolen for details, and she told me that her mother had succumbed to a long-expected heart failure. She didn’t say it outright, but I inferred from her words that in terms of her marriage and her eagerness, which matched mine, this was a quicker and more drastic resolution than waiting for the old lady to take her time. I honestly admit that during that time—I heard from her frequently—I read some strange things into Gwendolen’s words and even more extraordinary things into her silences. With pen in hand, I go over that time again, and it brings back the odd feeling of having been, for months and despite myself, a kind of unwilling spectator. My entire life had taken refuge in my eyes, which it seemed the unfolding events had made me keep wide open. There were days when I thought about writing to Hugh Vereker and just relying on his kindness. But I felt more deeply that I hadn’t fallen that low—besides, he would rightly send me away. Mrs. Erme’s death brought Corvick straight back home, and within a month, he got married “very quietly”—as quietly as I gathered he had planned in his article to reveal his discovery—to the young woman he had loved and left. I say “left” because I later became sure that when he went to India, around the time he received his big news from Bombay, there had been no actual commitment between them. There had been none at the moment she was telling me the very opposite. However, he definitely got engaged the day he returned. The happy couple went down to Torquay for their honeymoon, and there, in a reckless moment, it occurred to poor Corvick to take his young bride out for a drive. He had no skill in that area: this became clear to me during a little trip we once took together in a dogcart. He had his companion perched in a dogcart for a bumpy ride over the Devonshire hills, on one of which his horse, who had bolted, came down so violently that the passengers were thrown forward, and he fell dreadfully on his head. He was killed instantly; Gwendolen came out unscathed.

I pass rapidly over the question of this unmitigated tragedy, of what the loss of my best friend meant for me, and I complete my little history of my patience and my pain by the frank statement of my having, in a postscript to my very first letter to her after the receipt of the hideous news, asked Mrs. Corvick whether her husband mightn’t at least have finished the great article on Vereker.  Her answer was as prompt as my question: the article, which had been barely begun, was a mere heartbreaking scrap.  She explained that our friend, abroad, had just settled down to it when interrupted by her mother’s death, and that then, on his return, he had been kept from work by the engrossments into which that calamity was to plunge them.  The opening pages were all that existed; they were striking, they were promising, but they didn’t unveil the idol.  That great intellectual feat was obviously to have formed his climax.  She said nothing more, nothing to enlighten me as to the state of her own knowledge—the knowledge for the acquisition of which I had fancied her prodigiously acting.  This was above all what I wanted to know: had she seen the idol unveiled?  Had there been a private ceremony for a palpitating audience of one?  For what else but that ceremony had the nuptials taken place?  I didn’t like as yet to press her, though when I thought of what had passed between us on the subject in Corvick’s absence her reticence surprised me.  It was therefore not till much later, from Meran, that I risked another appeal, risked it in some trepidation, for she continued to tell me nothing.  “Did you hear in those few days of your blighted bliss,” I wrote, “what we desired so to hear?”  I said, “we,” as a little hint and she showed me she could take a little hint; “I heard everything,” she replied, “and I mean to keep it to myself!”

I quickly move past the question of this terrible tragedy, of what losing my best friend meant to me, and I finish up my brief account of my patience and pain by openly stating that in a postscript to my very first letter to her after receiving the awful news, I asked Mrs. Corvick whether her husband might at least have finished the big article on Vereker. Her reply was as quick as my question: the article, which had barely been started, was just a heartbreaking fragment. She explained that our friend, while abroad, had just started working on it when he was interrupted by her mother’s death, and then upon his return, he was prevented from working by the overwhelming situation that tragedy plunged them into. Only the opening pages existed; they were striking and promising, but they didn’t reveal the central figure. That great intellectual achievement was obviously intended to be his masterpiece. She said nothing more, nothing to clarify her own understanding—the understanding that I thought she had skillfully obtained. This was above all what I wanted to know: had she seen the main figure revealed? Had there been a private moment for a captivated audience of one? Because what else could that moment have been for? I didn’t want to push her yet, even though her silence surprised me when I thought about what we had discussed on the topic during Corvick’s absence. It wasn’t until much later, from Meran, that I dared to reach out again, feeling a bit anxious, since she continued to tell me nothing. “Did you hear, in those few days of your shattered happiness,” I wrote, “what we really wanted to hear?” I used “we” as a little hint, and she showed me she could catch the hint; “I heard everything,” she replied, “and I plan to keep it to myself!”

CHAPTER IX.

It was impossible not to be moved with the strongest sympathy for her, and on my return to England I showed her every kindness in my power.  Her mother’s death had made her means sufficient, and she had gone to live in a more convenient quarter.  But her loss had been great and her visitation cruel; it never would have occurred to me moreover to suppose she could come to feel the possession of a technical tip, of a piece of literary experience, a counterpoise to her grief.  Strange to say, none the less, I couldn’t help believing after I had seen her a few times that I caught a glimpse of some such oddity.  I hasten to add that there had been other things I couldn’t help believing, or at least imagining; and as I never felt I was really clear about these, so, as to the point I here touch on, I give her memory the benefit of the doubt.  Stricken and solitary, highly accomplished and now, in her deep mourning, her maturer grace and her uncomplaining sorrow, incontestably handsome, she presented herself as leading a life of singular dignity and beauty.  I had at first found a way to persuade myself that I should soon get the better of the reserve formulated, the week after the catastrophe in her reply to an appeal as to which I was not unconscious that it might strike her as mistimed.  Certainly that reserve was something of a shock to me—certainly it puzzled me the more I thought of it and even though I tried to explain it (with moments of success) by an imputation of exalted sentiments, of superstitious scruples, of a refinement of loyalty.  Certainly it added at the same time hugely to the price of Vereker’s secret, precious as this mystery already appeared.  I may as well confess abjectly that Mrs. Corvick’s unexpected attitude was the final tap on the nail that was to fix fast my luckless idea, convert it into the obsession of which I’m for ever conscious.

It was impossible not to feel a deep sympathy for her, and when I returned to England, I did everything I could to help her. Her mother’s death had given her enough money, and she had moved to a more convenient place. But her loss was immense and her suffering harsh; I never would have thought she could find solace in a technical skill or literary experience as a way to cope with her grief. Strangely enough, after seeing her a few times, I couldn't shake the feeling that I noticed some kind of oddity in her. I should mention that there were other beliefs, or at least imaginations, I had; since I never felt I fully understood these, I’m inclined to give her memory the benefit of the doubt regarding this point. Struck by her sadness and alone, highly talented, and now, amidst her profound mourning, with a matured grace and uncomplaining sorrow, undeniably beautiful, she seemed to live a life of remarkable dignity and beauty. Initially, I managed to convince myself that I would soon break through the reserve she had established the week after her tragedy in response to an appeal I made that I knew might have seemed inopportune. Certainly, her reserve shocked me—definitely, it puzzled me the more I reflected on it, even though I attempted to explain it (with some success) by attributing it to elevated feelings, superstitious beliefs, and a refinement of loyalty. At the same time, it significantly increased the value of Vereker’s secret, which already seemed precious. I might as well admit openly that Mrs. Corvick’s unexpected attitude was the final blow that solidified my unfortunate idea, turning it into an obsession that I’m forever aware of.

But this only helped me the more to be artful, to be adroit, to allow time to elapse before renewing my suit.  There were plenty of speculations for the interval, and one of them was deeply absorbing.  Corvick had kept his information from his young friend till after the removal of the last barrier to their intimacy—then only had he let the cat out of the bag.  Was it Gwendolen’s idea, taking a hint from him, to liberate this animal only on the basis of the renewal of such a relation?  Was the figure in the carpet traceable or describable only for husbands and wives—for lovers supremely united?  It came back to me in a mystifying manner that in Kensington Square, when I mentioned that Corvick would have told the girl he loved, some word had dropped from Vereker that gave colour to this possibility.  There might be little in it, but there was enough to make me wonder if I should have to marry Mrs. Corvick to get what I wanted.  Was I prepared to offer her this price for the blessing of her knowledge?  Ah that way madness lay!—so I at least said to myself in bewildered hours.  I could see meanwhile the torch she refused to pass on flame away in her chamber of memory—pour through her eyes a light that shone in her lonely house.  At the end of six months I was fully sure of what this warm presence made up to her for.  We had talked again and again of the man who had brought us together—of his talent, his character, his personal charm, his certain career, his dreadful doom, and even of his clear purpose in that great study which was to have been a supreme literary portrait, a kind of critical Vandyke or Velasquez.  She had conveyed to me in abundance that she was tongue-tied by her perversity, by her piety, that she would never break the silence it had not been given to the “right person,” as she said, to break.  The hour however finally arrived.  One evening when I had been sitting with her longer than usual I laid my hand firmly on her arm.  “Now at last what is it?”

But this only made me more clever, more skilled, letting time pass before I tried again. There were plenty of distractions in the meantime, and one of them was really captivating. Corvick had kept his information from his young friend until after the last barrier to their closeness was removed—only then did he reveal the truth. Was it Gwendolen’s idea, inspired by him, to free this person only on the condition that they rekindle that relationship? Was the insight only accessible to husbands and wives—for lovers who are deeply connected? It struck me in a puzzling way that in Kensington Square, when I mentioned that Corvick would have told the girl he loved, some comment from Vereker hinted at this idea. There might not be much to it, but it was enough to make me wonder if I would need to marry Mrs. Corvick to get what I wanted. Was I ready to offer her that price for the gift of her knowledge? Ah, that way leads to madness!—so I told myself in my confused moments. Meanwhile, I could see the flame she refused to pass on, glowing in her memory—shining through her eyes in her lonely home. After six months, I was completely sure what this warm presence represented for her. We had talked repeatedly about the man who brought us together—his talent, his character, his charm, his promising career, his tragic fate, and even his clear intent for that great work, which was meant to be a supreme literary portrait, like a critical Vandyke or Velasquez. She had made it abundantly clear that she felt unable to speak due to her stubbornness and her piety, that she would never break the silence unless it was meant to be broken by the “right person,” as she put it. But the moment finally came. One evening, after I had been sitting with her longer than usual, I placed my hand firmly on her arm. “Now, finally, what is it?”

She had been expecting me and was ready.  She gave a long slow soundless headshake, merciful only in being inarticulate.  This mercy didn’t prevent its hurling at me the largest finest coldest “Never!” I had yet, in the course of a life that had known denials, had to take full in the face.  I took it and was aware that with the hard blow the tears had come into my eyes.  So for a while we sat and looked at each other; after which I slowly rose, I was wondering if some day she would accept me; but this was not what I brought out.  I said as I smoothed down my hat: “I know what to think then.  It’s nothing!”

She had been expecting me and was ready. She gave a long, slow, soundless head shake, merciful only in its lack of words. This mercy didn’t stop it from sending the biggest, coldest “Never!” my way that I had ever faced in a life filled with refusals. I took it in, and I felt tears welling in my eyes from the harsh impact. So for a while, we just sat and looked at each other; after that, I slowly stood up, wondering if one day she would accept me. But that wasn't what I said. I smoothed down my hat and said, “I guess I know what to think then. It’s nothing!”

A remote disdainful pity for me gathered in her dim smile; then she spoke in a voice that I hear at this hour: “It’s my life!”  As I stood at the door she added: “You’ve insulted him!”

A distant, contemptuous pity for me showed in her faint smile; then she spoke in a tone I can still hear now: “It’s my life!” As I stood at the door, she added: “You’ve insulted him!”

“Do you mean Vereker?”

“Are you referring to Vereker?”

“I mean the Dead!”

“I mean the deceased!”

I recognised when I reached the street the justice of her charge.  Yes, it was her life—I recognised that too; but her life none the less made room with the lapse of time for another interest.  A year and a half after Corvick’s death she published in a single volume her second novel, “Overmastered,” which I pounced on in the hope of finding in it some tell-tale echo or some peeping face.  All I found was a much better book than her younger performance, showing I thought the better company she had kept.  As a tissue tolerably intricate it was a carpet with a figure of its own; but the figure was not the figure I was looking for.  On sending a review of it to The Middle I was surprised to learn from the office that a notice was already in type.  When the paper came out I had no hesitation in attributing this article, which I thought rather vulgarly overdone, to Drayton Deane, who in the old days had been something of a friend of Corvick’s, yet had only within a few weeks made the acquaintance of his widow.  I had had an early copy of the book, but Deane had evidently had an earlier.  He lacked all the same the light hand with which Corvick had gilded the gingerbread—he laid on the tinsel in splotches.

I realized when I got to the street that her accusation was fair. Yes, it was her life—I acknowledged that too; but with time, her life inevitably made space for another interest. A year and a half after Corvick’s death, she released her second novel, “Overmastered,” which I eagerly grabbed, hoping to find some revealing hint or familiar face. All I discovered was a much better book than her earlier work, suggesting to me that she had kept better company. As a reasonably complex piece, it was like a carpet with its own design; however, it wasn’t the design I was searching for. When I submitted a review of it to The Middle, I was surprised to find out from the office that a review was already in print. When the paper was published, I had no doubt that the article, which I thought was rather overly dramatic, was written by Drayton Deane, who had been somewhat of a friend of Corvick’s in the past and had only recently met his widow. I had received an early copy of the book, but Deane must have gotten one even earlier. Still, he didn't have the light touch that Corvick had used to embellish—he applied the decorations in uneven patches.

CHAPTER X.

Six months later appeared “The Right of Way,” the last chance, though we didn’t know it, that we were to have to redeem ourselves.  Written wholly during Vereker’s sojourn abroad, the book had been heralded, in a hundred paragraphs, by the usual ineptitudes.  I carried it, as early a copy as any, I this time flattered myself, straightway to Mrs. Corvick.  This was the only use I had for it; I left the inevitable tribute of The Middle to some more ingenious mind and some less irritated temper.  “But I already have it,” Gwendolen said.  “Drayton Deane was so good as to bring it to me yesterday, and I’ve just finished it.”

Six months later, “The Right of Way” came out, the last chance we had, though we didn’t realize it, to redeem ourselves. Written entirely during Vereker’s time abroad, the book was promoted in a hundred articles with the usual shortcomings. I took an early copy, thinking I’d flatter myself, straight to Mrs. Corvick. That was the only reason I had for it; I left the expected praise of The Middle to someone more clever and less annoyed. “But I already have it,” Gwendolen said. “Drayton Deane was kind enough to bring it to me yesterday, and I just finished reading it.”

“Yesterday?  How did he get it so soon?”

“Yesterday? How did he get it that quickly?”

“He gets everything so soon!  He’s to review it in The Middle.”

“He gets everything so quickly! He’s supposed to review it in The Middle.”

“He—Drayton Deane—review Vereker?”  I couldn’t believe my ears.

“He—Drayton Deane—review Vereker?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“’Why not?  One fine ignorance is as good as another.”

“Why not? One good ignorance is just as good as another.”

I winced but I presently said: “You ought to review him yourself!”

I flinched but then said, “You should check him out yourself!”

“I don’t ‘review,’” she laughed.  “I’m reviewed!”

“I don’t ‘review,’” she laughed. “I get reviewed!”

Just then the door was thrown open.  “Ah yes, here’s your reviewer!”  Drayton Deane was there with his long legs and his tall forehead: he had come to see what she thought of “The Right of Way,” and to bring news that was singularly relevant.  The evening papers were just out with a telegram on the author of that work, who, in Rome, had been ill for some days with an attack of malarial fever.  It had at first not been thought grave, but had taken, in consequence of complications, a turn that might give rise to anxiety.  Anxiety had indeed at the latest hour begun to be felt.

Just then, the door swung open. “Ah yes, here’s your reviewer!” Drayton Deane stood there with his long legs and tall forehead; he had come to see what she thought of “The Right of Way” and to share some particularly relevant news. The evening papers had just released a telegram about the author of that work, who had been unwell in Rome for several days due to a bout of malarial fever. Initially, it didn't seem serious, but complications had developed, leading to a situation that might cause concern. In fact, anxiety had started to set in just recently.

I was struck in the presence of these tidings with the fundamental detachment that Mrs. Corvick’s overt concern quite failed to hide: it gave me the measure of her consummate independence.  That independence rested on her knowledge, the knowledge which nothing now could destroy and which nothing could make different.  The figure in the carpet might take on another twist or two, but the sentence had virtually been written.  The writer might go down to his grave: she was the person in the world to whom—as if she had been his favoured heir—his continued existence was least of a need.  This reminded me how I had observed at a particular moment—after Corvick’s death—the drop of her desire to see him face to face.  She had got what she wanted without that.  I had been sure that if she hadn’t got it she wouldn’t have been restrained from the endeavour to sound him personally by those superior reflexions, more conceivable on a man’s part than on a woman’s, which in my case had served an a deterrent.  It wasn’t however, I hasten to add, that my case, in spite of this invidious comparison, wasn’t ambiguous enough.  At the thought that Vereker was perhaps at that moment dying there rolled over me a wave of anguish—a poignant sense of how inconsistently I still depended on him.  A delicacy that it was my one compensation to suffer to rule me had left the Alps and the Apennines between us, but the sense of the waning occasion suggested that I might in my despair at last have gone to him.  Of course I should really have done nothing of the sort.  I remained five minutes, while my companions talked of the new book, and when Drayton Deane appealed to me for my opinion of it I made answer, getting up, that I detested Hugh Vereker and simply couldn’t read him.  I departed with the moral certainty that as the door closed behind me Deane would brand me for awfully superficial.  His hostess wouldn’t contradict that at least.

I was struck by the news with the fundamental detachment that Mrs. Corvick’s overt concern couldn't hide: it revealed her ultimate independence. That independence was based on her knowledge, a knowledge that nothing could now erase or change. The figure in the carpet might twist a bit more, but the outcome had pretty much been decided. The creator might leave this world, but she was the person who needed him the least—as if she had been his favored heir. This reminded me of how I noticed, at one point—after Corvick’s death—the drop in her desire to see him in person. She had gotten what she wanted without that. I believed that if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have held back from trying to contact him directly, using those superior reflections that seemed more common for a man than a woman, which had served as a deterrent for me. It wasn’t, however, that my situation, despite this unfair comparison, wasn’t complicated enough. The thought that Vereker was possibly dying at that moment washed over me like a wave of anguish—a sharp realization of how inconsistently I still relied on him. A sensitivity, which I felt was my only consolation, had created a distance between us, but the feeling of the urgent occasion made me think I might finally go to him in my despair. Of course, I really wouldn’t have done anything of the sort. I stayed five minutes while my companions discussed the new book, and when Drayton Deane asked for my opinion, I stood up and replied that I couldn't stand Hugh Vereker and simply couldn’t read him. I left with the firm belief that as soon as the door closed behind me, Deane would consider me incredibly superficial. His hostess wouldn’t contradict that at least.

I continue to trace with a briefer touch our intensely odd successions.  Three weeks after this came Vereker’s death, and before the year was out the death of his wife.  That poor lady I had never seen, but I had had a futile theory that, should she survive him long enough to be decorously accessible, I might approach her with the feeble flicker of my plea.  Did she know and if she knew would she speak?  It was much to be presumed that for more reasons than one she would have nothing to say; but when she passed out of all reach I felt renannouncement indeed my appointed lot.  I was shut up in my obsession for ever—my gaolers had gone off with the key.  I find myself quite as vague as a captive in a dungeon about the tinge that further elapsed before Mrs. Corvick became the wife of Drayton Deane.  I had foreseen, through my bars, this end of the business, though there was no indecent haste and our friendship had fallen rather off.  They were both so “awfully intellectual” that it struck people as a suitable match, but I had measured better than any one the wealth of understanding the bride would contribute to the union.  Never, for a marriage in literary circles—so the newspapers described the alliance—had a lady been so bravely dowered.  I began with due promptness to look for the fruit of the affair—that fruit, I mean, of which the premonitory symptoms would be peculiarly visible in the husband.  Taking for granted the splendour of the other party’s nuptial gift, I expected to see him make a show commensurate with his increase of means.  I knew what his means had been—his article on “The Right of Way” had distinctly given one the figure.  As he was now exactly in the position in which still more exactly I was not I watched from month to month, in the likely periodicals, for the heavy message poor Corvick had been unable to deliver and the responsibility of which would have fallen on his successor.  The widow and wife would have broken by the rekindled hearth the silence that only a widow and wife might break, and Deane would be as aflame with the knowledge as Corvick in his own hour, as Gwendolen in hers, had been.  Well, he was aflame doubtless, but the fire was apparently not to become a public blaze.  I scanned the periodicals in vain: Drayton Deane filled them with exuberant pages, but he withheld the page I most feverishly sought.  He wrote on a thousand subjects, but never on the subject of Vereker.  His special line was to tell truths that other people either “funked,” as he said, or overlooked, but he never told the only truth that seemed to me in these days to signify.  I met the couple in those literary circles referred to in the papers: I have sufficiently intimated that it was only in such circles we were all constructed to revolve.  Gwendolen was more than ever committed to them by the publication of her third novel, and I myself definitely classed by holding the opinion that this work was inferior to its immediate predecessor.  Was it worse because she had been keeping worse company?  If her secret was, as she had told me, her life—a fact discernible in her increasing bloom, an air of conscious privilege that, cleverly corrected by pretty charities, gave distinction to her appearance—it had yet not a direct influence on her work.  That only made one—everything only made one—yearn the more for it; only rounded it off with a mystery finer and subtler.

I continue to sketch out more briefly our strangely unusual events. Three weeks after this, Vereker died, and by the end of the year, his wife passed away too. I had never seen that poor woman, but I held a pointless hope that if she survived him long enough to be appropriately available, I might approach her with my weak plea. Did she know, and if she did, would she say anything? It was reasonable to assume she wouldn’t have much to say for various reasons; but when she became completely unreachable, I truly felt I had been denied what was meant for me. I was trapped in my obsession forever—my captors had left with the key. Even now, I find myself as unclear as a prisoner in a cell about the time that passed before Mrs. Corvick became Drayton Deane’s wife. I had foreseen, through my barred view, this outcome of the matter, although there was no rush, and our friendship had somewhat faded. They were both so “incredibly intellectual” that people saw it as a fitting match, but I knew better than anyone the depth of understanding the bride would bring to the marriage. Never had a woman in literary circles—so the newspapers described the union—been so boldly endowed. I promptly began to look for the signs of the relationship—those signs, I mean, that would be particularly visible in the husband. Assuming the grandeur of the other party’s wedding gift, I expected him to show off in line with his new resources. I knew what his resources had been—his article on “The Right of Way” had clearly revealed that. Now he was in exactly the position that I was definitely not in, so I watched month after month in the likely magazines for the heavy news that poor Corvick had been unable to share, which would now fall to his successor. The widow and wife would have broken the silence rekindled at the hearth—a silence only she could break—and Deane would be as consumed with knowledge as Corvick had been at his own time, as Gwendolen had been at hers. Well, he was certainly consumed, but apparently, the fire wasn’t intended to become a public spectacle. I searched the magazines in vain: Drayton Deane filled them with enthusiastic articles, but he didn’t write the piece I most desperately sought. He covered a thousand topics, but never the topic of Vereker. His specialty was revealing truths that others either “shied away from,” as he put it, or overlooked, but he never acknowledged the singular truth that seemed most important to me during those days. I encountered the couple in those literary circles mentioned in the papers: I've already implied that it was only in those circles that we all were meant to gravitate. Gwendolen was more deeply entrenched than ever by the release of her third novel, and I found myself clearly categorized by thinking this work was worse than the one before it. Was it worse because she had been mingling with worse company? If her secret was, as she had revealed to me, her life—a fact visible in her growing radiance, an air of conscious privilege that, cleverly offset by appealing charities, distinguished her appearance—it still hadn’t directly affected her work. That just made everyone crave it more; it added a mystery that was more refined and subtle.

CHAPTER XI.

It was therefore from her husband I could never remove my eyes: I beset him in a manner that might have made him uneasy.  I went even so far as to engage him in conversation.  Didn’t he know, hadn’t he come into it as a matter of course?—that question hummed in my brain.  Of course he knew; otherwise he wouldn’t return my stare so queerly.  His wife had told him what I wanted and he was amiably amused at my impotence.  He didn’t laugh—he wasn’t a laugher: his system was to present to my irritation, so that I should crudely expose myself, a conversational blank as vast as his big bare brow.  It always happened that I turned away with a settled conviction from these unpeopled expanses, which seemed to complete each other geographically and to symbolise together Drayton Deane’s want of voice, want of form.  He simply hadn’t the art to use what he knew; he literally was incompetent to take up the duty where Corvick had left it.  I went still further—it was the only glimpse of happiness I had.  I made up my mind that the duty didn’t appeal to him.  He wasn’t interested, he didn’t care.  Yes, it quite comforted me to believe him too stupid to have joy of the thing I lacked.  He was as stupid after as he had been before, and that deepened for me the golden glory in which the mystery was wrapped.  I had of course none the less to recollect that his wife might have imposed her conditions and exactions.  I had above all to remind myself that with Vereker’s death the major incentive dropped.  He was still there to be honoured by what might be done—he was no longer there to give it his sanction.  Who alas but he had the authority?

I could never take my eyes off her husband. I watched him in a way that might have made him uncomfortable. I even went so far as to strike up a conversation with him. Didn’t he know? Hadn’t he picked up on it naturally?—that thought buzzed in my head. Of course, he knew; otherwise, he wouldn’t have returned my gaze so oddly. His wife had clearly told him what I was after, and he was playfully amused by my helplessness. He didn’t laugh—he wasn’t the laughing type: his strategy was to counter my irritation, forcing me to awkwardly reveal myself, like a vast conversational void as bare as his big empty forehead. I always ended up looking away, feeling a solid conviction from these empty spaces, which seemed to connect like a map and symbolize Drayton Deane’s lack of voice and form. He simply didn’t have the skill to use what he knew; he was completely unable to take over the duty that Corvick had left behind. I pushed even further—it was the only hint of happiness I had. I convinced myself that this responsibility didn’t interest him. He didn’t care; he was indifferent. Yes, it actually comforted me to think he was too dense to take pleasure in what I was missing. He was just as dense afterward as he had been before, which only amplified the golden allure that surrounded the mystery. I had to remember, though, that his wife might have set her own terms and expectations. Above all, I needed to remind myself that with Vereker’s death, the main incentive was gone. He was still there to be honored by what could be done—he was no longer there to give it his approval. Who, alas, but he had the authority?

Two children were born to the pair, but the second cost the mother her life.  After this stroke I seemed to see another ghost of a chance.  I jumped at it in thought, but I waited a certain time for manners, and at last my opportunity arrived in a remunerative way.  His wife had been dead a year when I met Drayton Deane in the smoking-room of a small club of which we both were members, but where for months—perhaps because I rarely entered it—I hadn’t seen him.  The room was empty and the occasion propitious.  I deliberately offered him, to have done with the matter for ever, that advantage for which I felt he had long been looking.

Two children were born to the couple, but the second one cost the mother her life. After this tragedy, I felt I could see a glimmer of hope. I was eager to act on it, but I waited a bit out of respect, and eventually, my chance came in a profitable way. His wife had been gone for a year when I ran into Drayton Deane in the smoking room of a small club we both belonged to, though I hadn’t seen him in months—maybe because I rarely went there. The room was empty and the timing was right. I intentionally offered him, to close the matter for good, the opportunity I felt he had been seeking for a long time.

“As an older acquaintance of your late wife’s than even you were,” I began, “you must let me say to you something I have on my mind.  I shall be glad to make any terms with you that you see fit to name for the information she must have had from George Corvick—the information you know, that had come to him, poor chap, in one of the happiest hours of his life, straight from Hugh Vereker.”

“As someone who knew your late wife longer than you did,” I started, “I need to share something that’s been on my mind. I’m willing to agree to any terms you think are fair for the information she must have gotten from George Corvick—the information that, unfortunately for him, came during one of the happiest moments of his life, directly from Hugh Vereker.”

He looked at me like a dim phrenological bust.  “The information—?”

He looked at me like a dull phrenological statue. “The information—?”

“Vereker’s secret, my dear man—the general intention of his books: the string the pearls were strung on, the buried treasure, the figure in the carpet.”

“Vereker’s secret, my friend—the main purpose of his books: the thread that holds the pearls together, the hidden treasure, the pattern in the carpet.”

He began to flush—the numbers on his bumps to come out.  “Vereker’s books had a general intention?”

He started to blush—the numbers on his bumps about to show up. “Did Vereker’s books have an overall purpose?”

I stared in my turn.  “You don’t mean to say you don’t know it?”  I thought for a moment he was playing with me.  “Mrs. Deane knew it; she had it, as I say, straight from Corvick, who had, after infinite search and to Vereker’s own delight, found the very mouth of the cave.  Where is the mouth?  He told after their marriage—and told alone—the person who, when the circumstances were reproduced, must have told you.  Have I been wrong in taking for granted that she admitted you, as one of the highest privileges of the relation in which you stood to her, to the knowledge of which she was after Corvick’s death the sole depositary?  All I know is that that knowledge is infinitely precious, and what I want you to understand is that if you’ll in your turn admit me to it you’ll do me a kindness for which I shall be lastingly grateful.”

I stared back at him. “You can’t be serious that you don’t know it?” For a moment, I thought he was just messing with me. “Mrs. Deane knew it; she got it straight from Corvick, who had, after a lot of searching and to Vereker’s great satisfaction, found the very entrance to the cave. Where is the entrance? He revealed it after their marriage—and he only told the person who, when the situation came up again, must have told you. Have I been wrong in assuming that she shared this with you, as one of the greatest privileges of your relationship with her, being the sole keeper of that knowledge after Corvick’s death? All I know is that this information is incredibly valuable, and what I want you to realize is that if you’ll let me in on it, you’ll be doing me a kindness that I’ll always be grateful for.”

He had turned at last very red; I dare say he had begun by thinking I had lost my wits.  Little by little he followed me; on my own side I stared with a livelier surprise.  Then he spoke. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He had finally turned really red; I bet he started by thinking I had lost my mind. Little by little, he followed me; on my end, I stared with more surprise. Then he spoke. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He wasn’t acting—it was the absurd truth.

He wasn’t pretending—it was the ridiculous truth.

“She didn’t tell you—?”

"She didn’t tell you—?"

“Nothing about Hugh Vereker.”

“Nothing about Hugh Vereker.”

I was stupefied; the room went round.  It had been too good even for that!  “Upon your honour?”

I was shocked; the room spun around. It had been too good for that! “On your honor?”

“Upon my honour.  What the devil’s the matter with you?” he growled.

“Honestly, what the heck is wrong with you?” he grumbled.

“I’m astounded—I’m disappointed.  I wanted to get it out of you.”

“I’m shocked—I’m let down. I wanted you to tell me.”

“It isn’t in me!” he awkwardly laughed.  “And even if it were—”

“It’s not in me!” he awkwardly laughed. “And even if it were—”

“If it were you’d let me have it—oh yes, in common humanity.  But I believe you.  I see—I see!” I went on, conscious, with the full turn of the wheel, of my great delusion, my false view of the poor man’s attitude.  What I saw, though I couldn’t say it, was that his wife hadn’t thought him worth enlightening.  This struck me as strange for a woman who had thought him worth marrying.  At last I explained it by the reflexion that she couldn’t possibly have married him for his understanding.  She had married him for something else.

“If it were you, you’d let me have it—oh yes, out of common decency. But I believe you. I see—I see!” I continued, aware, with the full turn of the wheel, of my great misunderstanding, my wrong interpretation of the poor man's attitude. What I realized, though I couldn't express it, was that his wife hadn’t considered him worth enlightening. This seemed odd to me for a woman who had thought him worth marrying. Eventually, I explained it to myself by reflecting that she couldn’t possibly have married him for his intelligence. She had married him for something else.

He was to some extent enlightened now, but he was even more astonished, more disconcerted: he took a moment to compare my story with his quickened memories.  The result of his meditation was his presently saying with a good deal of rather feeble form: “This is the first I hear of what you allude to.  I think you must be mistaken as to Mrs. Drayton Deane’s having had any unmentioned, and still less any unmentionable, knowledge of Hugh Vereker.  She’d certainly have wished it—should it have borne on his literary character—to be used.”

He was somewhat enlightened now, but he was even more surprised and unsettled: he took a moment to compare my story with his quickened memories. The result of his thoughts was him saying, rather weakly, “This is the first I’m hearing of what you’re referring to. I think you must be mistaken about Mrs. Drayton Deane having any knowledge of Hugh Vereker that wasn’t mentioned, especially not any that’s unmentionable. She definitely would have wanted to use it—if it had any relevance to his literary reputation.”

“It was used.  She used it herself.  She told me with her own lips that she ‘lived’ on it.”

“It was used. She used it herself. She told me with her own lips that she ‘lived’ on it.”

I had no sooner spoken than I repented of my words; he grew so pale that I felt as if I had struck him.  “Ah, ‘lived’—!” he murmured, turning short away from me.

I had barely finished speaking when I regretted my words; he turned so pale that it felt like I had hit him. “Ah, ‘lived’—!” he murmured, abruptly turning away from me.

My compunction was real; I laid my hand on his shoulder.  “I beg you to forgive me—I’ve made a mistake.  You don’t know what I thought you knew.  You could, if I had been right, have rendered me a service; and I had my reasons for assuming that you’d be in a position to meet me.”

My guilt was genuine; I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Please forgive me—I messed up. You don’t know what I thought you did. If I had been correct, you could have helped me; and I had my reasons for thinking you’d be able to meet me.”

“Your reasons?” he asked.  “What were your reasons?”

“Your reasons?” he asked. “What were your reasons?”

I looked at him well; I hesitated; I considered.  “Come and sit down with me here, and I’ll tell you.”  I drew him to a sofa, I lighted another cigar and, beginning with the anecdote of Vereker’s one descent from the clouds, I recited to him the extraordinary chain of accidents that had, in spite of the original gleam, kept me till that hour in the dark.  I told him in a word just what I’ve written out here.  He listened with deepening attention, and I became aware, to my surprise, by his ejaculations, by his questions, that he would have been after all not unworthy to be trusted by his wife.  So abrupt an experience of her want of trust had now a disturbing effect on him; but I saw the immediate shock throb away little by little and then gather again into waves of wonder and curiosity—waves that promised, I could perfectly judge, to break in the end with the fury of my own highest tides.  I may say that to-day as victims of unappeased desire there isn’t a pin to choose between us.  The poor man’s state is almost my consolation; there are really moments when I feel it to be quite my revenge.

I really looked at him; I hesitated; I thought about it. “Come and sit with me here, and I’ll tell you.” I pulled him over to a sofa, lit another cigar, and started with the story of Vereker’s one trip down from the clouds. I recounted for him the incredible series of events that had, despite the initial spark, kept me in the dark until that moment. I told him in short exactly what I've laid out here. He listened with growing interest, and I was surprised to notice, through his reactions and questions, that he would have actually been worthy of his wife's trust. That sudden realization of her lack of trust had a disturbing effect on him; but I could see that the initial shock faded away gradually, only to build up again in waves of wonder and curiosity—waves that I could tell would eventually crash with the intensity of my own strongest feelings. I can say that today, as those suffering from unfulfilled desire, there isn’t much difference between us. The poor man’s situation almost comforts me; there are indeed moments when I feel it's quite my revenge.

 

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