This is a modern-English version of The bridge of San Luis Rey, originally written by Wilder, Thornton. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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500
500

The BRIDGE of
SAN LUIS REY





By

By





THORNTON WILDER





Illustrated by
AMY DREVENSTEDT

Art by
AMY DREVENSTEDT





1927

1927

ALBERT & CHARLES BONI: NEW YORK

ALBERT & CHARLES BONI: NEW YORK







Copyright, 1927, by
ALBERT & CHARLES BONI, INC.

Copyright, 1927, by
ALBERT & CHARLES BONI, INC.







To My Mother

To My Mom







CONTENTS

PART ONE: PERHAPS AN ACCIDENT
PART TWO: THE MARQUESA DE MONTEMAYOR
PART THREE: ESTEBAN
PART FOUR: UNCLE PIO
PART FIVE: PERHAPS AN INTENTION

PART ONE: PERHAPS AN ACCIDENT
PART TWO: THE MARQUESA DE MONTEMAYOR
PART THREE: ESTEBAN
PART FOUR: UNCLE PIO
PART FIVE: PERHAPS AN INTENTION







ILLUSTRATIONS







PART ONE: PERHAPS AN ACCIDENT

PART ONE: MAYBE AN ACCIDENT



ON Friday noon, July the twentieth, 1714, the finest bridge in all Peru broke and precipitated five travellers into the gulf below. This bridge was on the highroad between Lima and Cuzco and hundreds of persons passed over it every day. It had been woven of osier by the Incas more than a century before and visitors to the city were always led out to see it. It was a mere ladder of thin slats swung out over the gorge, with handrails of dried vine. Horses and coaches and chairs had to go down hundreds of feet below and pass over the narrow torrent on rafts, but no one, not even the Viceroy, not even the Archbishop of Lima, had descended with the baggage rather than cross by the famous bridge of San Luis Rey. St. Louis of France himself protected it, by his name and by the little mud church on the further side. The bridge seemed to be among the things that last forever; it was unthinkable that it should break. The moment a Peruvian heard of the accident he signed himself and made a mental calculation as to how recently he had crossed by it and how soon he had intended crossing by it again. People wandered about in a trance-like state, muttering; they had the hallucination of seeing themselves falling into a gulf.

ON Friday noon, July 20, 1714, the finest bridge in all of Peru collapsed, sending five travelers into the gulf below. This bridge was on the main road between Lima and Cuzco, crossing which hundreds of people did every day. It had been woven from osier by the Incas over a century earlier, and visitors to the city were always taken to see it. It was like a ladder made of thin slats, swung out over the gorge, with handrails of dried vines. Horses, carriages, and people had to descend hundreds of feet below and cross the narrow river on rafts, but no one, not even the Viceroy or the Archbishop of Lima, ever chose to go down with the luggage instead of crossing the famous bridge of San Luis Rey. St. Louis of France himself protected it, both by his name and the little mud church on the other side. The bridge seemed eternal; it was unimaginable that it would ever break. The moment a Peruvian heard about the accident, they would sign themselves and mentally calculate how recently they had crossed it and how soon they planned to cross it again. People moved about in a daze, mumbling; they had the eerie feeling of seeing themselves falling into the abyss.

There was a great service in the Cathedral. The bodies of the victims were approximately collected and approximately separated from one another, and there was great searching of hearts in the beautiful city of Lima. Servant girls returned bracelets which they had stolen from their mistresses, and usurers harangued their wives angrily, in defense of usury. Yet it was rather strange that this event should have so impressed the Limeans, for in that country those catastrophes which lawyers shockingly call the "acts of God" were more than usually frequent. Tidal waves were continually washing away cities; earthquakes arrived every week and towers fell upon good men and women all the time. Diseases were forever flitting in and out of the provinces and old age carried away some of the most admirable citizens. That is why it was so surprising that the Peruvians should have been especially touched by the rent in the bridge of San Luis Rey.

There was a huge service at the Cathedral. The bodies of the victims were gathered together and kept apart from one another, and there was a deep sense of mourning in the beautiful city of Lima. Servant girls returned bracelets that they had stolen from their employers, and moneylenders angrily lectured their wives in defense of their practices. It was somewhat odd that this event should have affected the people of Lima so deeply, since in that country, those disasters which lawyers shockingly call "acts of God" were quite common. Tidal waves continually swept away cities; earthquakes hit every week, causing towers to collapse on good men and women all the time. Diseases were always popping up in the provinces, and old age claimed some of the most admirable citizens. That’s why it was so surprising that the Peruvians were especially moved by the collapse of the bridge of San Luis Rey.

Everyone was very deeply impressed, but only one person did anything about it, and that was Brother Juniper. By a series of coincidences so extraordinary that one almost suspects the presence of some Intention, this little red-haired Franciscan from Northern Italy happened to be in Peru converting the Indians and happened to witness the accident.

Everyone was really impressed, but only one person took action, and that was Brother Juniper. By a series of coincidences so remarkable that you could almost believe it was meant to happen, this little red-haired Franciscan from Northern Italy happened to be in Peru converting the Indians and happened to see the accident.

It was a very hot noon, that fatal noon, and coming around the shoulder of a hill Brother Juniper stopped to wipe his forehead and to gaze upon the screen of snowy peaks in the distance, then into the gorge below him filled with the dark plumage of green trees and green birds and traversed by its ladder of osier. Joy was in him; things were not going badly. He had opened several little abandoned churches and the Indians were crawling in to early Mass and groaning at the moment of miracle as though their hearts would break. Perhaps it was the pure air from the snows before him; perhaps it was the memory that brushed him for a moment of the poem that bade him raise his eyes to the helpful hills. At all events he felt at peace. Then his glance fell upon the bridge, and at that moment a twanging noise filled the air, as when the string of some musical instrument snaps in a disused room, and he saw the bridge divide and fling five gesticulating ants into the valley below.

It was a really hot noon, that fateful noon, and as Brother Juniper came around the edge of a hill, he stopped to wipe his forehead and look at the snowy peaks in the distance, then down into the gorge filled with dark green trees and birds, crossed by a woven path of osier. He felt joy; things were going well. He had reopened several abandoned churches, and the locals were coming in for early Mass, groaning at the moment of the miracle as if their hearts would break. Maybe it was the fresh air from the snow-capped mountains in front of him; maybe it was a brief memory of a poem that urged him to lift his eyes to the supportive hills. Either way, he felt at peace. Then his gaze fell on the bridge, and at that moment, a twanging sound filled the air, like the string of a musical instrument snapping in an empty room, and he watched the bridge crack and send five flailing ants tumbling into the valley below.

Anyone else would have said to himself with secret joy: "Within ten minutes myself...!" But it was another thought that visited Brother Juniper: "Why did thin happen to those five?" If there were any plan in the universe at all, if there were any pattern in a human life, surely it could be discovered mysteriously latent in those lives so suddenly cut off. Either we live by accident and die by accident, or we live by plan and die by plan, And on that instant Brother Juniper made the resolve to inquire into the secret lives of those five persons, that moment falling through the air, and to surprise the reason of their taking off.

Anyone else would have thought to themselves with hidden joy: "In just ten minutes, it’ll be me...!" But Brother Juniper had a different thought: "Why did this happen to those five?" If there's any plan in the universe, if there's any pattern in a human life, it must be somehow revealed in the lives that were so suddenly cut short. Either we live by chance and die by chance, or we live by design and die by design. In that moment, Brother Juniper decided to look into the hidden lives of those five individuals, that instant falling through the air, and uncover the reason for their loss.

* * * * * * *

It seemed to Brother Juniper that it was high time for theology to take its place among the exact sciences and he had long intended putting it there. What he had lacked hitherto was a laboratory. Oh, there had never been any lack of specimens; any number of his charges had met calamity,—spiders had stung them; their lungs had been touched; their houses had burned down and things had happened to their children from which one averts the mind. But these occasions of human woe had never been quite fit for scientific examination. They had lacked what our good savants were later to call proper control. The accident had been dependent upon human error, for example, or had contained elements of probability. But this collapse of the bridge of San Luis Rey was a sheer Act of God. It afforded a perfect laboratory. Here at last one could surprise His intentions in a pure state.

It seemed to Brother Juniper that it was about time for theology to stand alongside the exact sciences, and he had intended to make that happen for a long time. What he had been missing until now was a laboratory. There had never been a shortage of examples; many of his people had faced disasters—spiders had bitten them; their lungs had been affected; their homes had burned down, and terrible things had happened to their children that one would rather not think about. But these instances of human suffering had never been suitable for scientific study. They lacked what our esteemed scientists would later call proper control. The accidents had been influenced by human error, for instance, or included elements of chance. But the collapse of the San Luis Rey bridge was a pure Act of God. It provided the perfect laboratory. Here at last, one could uncover His intentions in their unadulterated form.

You and I can see that coming from anyone but Brother Juniper this plan would be the flower of a perfect skepticism. It resembled the effort of those presumptuous souls who wanted to walk on the pavements of Heaven and built the Tower of Babel to get there. But to our Franciscan there was no element of doubt in the experiment. He knew the answer. He merely wanted to prove it, historically, mathematically, to his converts,—poor obstinate converts, so slow to believe that their pains were inserted into their lives for their own good. People were always asking for good sound proofs; doubt springs eternal in the human breast, even in countries where the Inquisition can read your very thoughts in your eyes.

You and I can see that if anyone other than Brother Juniper proposed this plan, it would be the epitome of skepticism. It was like the ambitious people who wanted to stroll down the streets of Heaven and built the Tower of Babel to reach it. But for our Franciscan, there was no doubt in this experiment. He knew the answer. He just wanted to prove it, historically and mathematically, to his converts—those poor stubborn converts, so slow to understand that their struggles were meant for their own benefit. People always sought solid proof; doubt is a constant in human nature, even in places where the Inquisition could read your thoughts in your eyes.

This was not the first time that Brother Juniper had tried to resort to such methods. Often on the long trips he had to make (scurrying from parish to parish, his robe tucked up about his knees, for haste) he would fall to dreaming of experiments that justify the ways of God to man. For instance, a complete record of the Prayers for Rain and their results. Often he had stood on the steps of one of his little churches, his flock kneeling before him on the baked street. Often he had stretched his arms to the sky and declaimed the splendid ritual. Not often, but several times, he had felt the virtue enter him and seen the little cloud forming on the horizon. But there were many times when weeks went by ... but why think of them? It was not himself he was trying to convince that rain and drought were wisely apportioned.

This wasn’t the first time Brother Juniper had tried to use these methods. On his long trips (rushing from parish to parish with his robe hiked up around his knees to hurry), he often dreamed of experiments that would explain God’s ways to people. For example, he imagined keeping a complete record of the Prayers for Rain and what happened afterward. Many times, he had stood on the steps of one of his small churches, his congregation kneeling before him on the hot pavement. He often stretched his arms to the sky and recited the beautiful ritual. Not frequently, but several times, he felt the energy flow into him and saw a small cloud appear on the horizon. But there were many times when weeks went by... but why dwell on that? He wasn't trying to convince himself that rain and drought were distributed wisely.

Thus it was that the determination rose within him at the moment of the accident. It prompted him to busy himself for six years, knocking at all the doors in Lima, asking thousands of questions, filling scores of notebooks, in his effort at establishing the fact that each of the five lost lives was a perfect whole. Everyone knew that he was working on some sort of memorial of the accident and everyone was very helpful and misleading. A few even knew the principal aim of his activity and there were patrons in high places.

So it was that his resolve strengthened at the moment of the accident. It drove him to spend six years knocking on every door in Lima, asking thousands of questions, and filling countless notebooks in his quest to prove that each of the five lost lives was a complete individual. Everyone knew he was working on some kind of memorial for the accident, and everyone was eager to help, even if it was sometimes misleading. A few even understood the main goal of his work, and there were supporters in influential positions.

The result of all this diligence was an enormous book, which as we shall see later, was publicly burned on a beautiful Spring morning in the great square. But there was a secret copy and after a great many years and without much notice it found its way to the library of the University of San Marco. There it lies between two great wooden covers collecting dust in a cupboard. It deals with one after another of the victims of the accident, cataloguing thousands of little facts and anecdotes and testimonies, and concluding with a dignified passage describing why God had settled upon that person and upon that day for His demonstration of wisdom. Yet for all his diligence Brother Juniper never knew the central passion of Doña María's life; nor of Uncle Pio's, not even of Esteban's. And I, who claim to know so much more, isn't it possible that even I have missed the very spring within the spring?

The result of all this hard work was a huge book, which as we’ll see later, was publicly burned on a beautiful spring morning in the main square. But there was a secret copy, and after many years, it found its way to the library of the University of San Marco without much fanfare. There it sits between two large wooden covers, gathering dust in a cupboard. It records one after another of the victims of the accident, cataloging thousands of little facts, anecdotes, and testimonies, and ending with a dignified passage explaining why God chose that person and that day for His display of wisdom. Yet for all his efforts, Brother Juniper never understood the central passion of Doña María's life; nor of Uncle Pio's, or even Esteban's. And I, who claim to know so much more, isn’t it possible that even I have overlooked the very essence within the essence?

Some say that we shall never know and that to the gods we are like the flies that the boys kill on a summer day, and some say, on the contrary, that the very sparrows do not lose a feather that has not been brushed away by the finger of God.

Some people believe that we'll never really know and that to the gods, we're just like the flies that boys swat on a summer day. Others argue that even the sparrows don't lose a feather without it being touched by God's hand.







PART TWO: THE MARQUESA DE MONTEMAYOR

PART TWO: THE MARQUESA DE MONTEMAYOR



ANY Spanish schoolboy is required to know today more about Doña María, Marquesa de Montemayor, than Brother Juniper was to discover in years of research. Within a century of her death her letters had become one of the monuments of Spanish literature and her life and times have ever since been the object of long studies. But her biographers have erred in one direction as greatly as the Franciscan did in another; they have tried to invest her with a host of graces, to read back into her life and person some of the beauties that abound in her letters, whereas all real knowledge of this wonderful woman must proceed from the act of humiliating her and of divesting her of all beauties save one.

ANY Spanish schoolboy today is required to know more about Doña María, Marquesa de Montemayor, than Brother Juniper discovered in years of research. Within a century of her death, her letters had become one of the landmarks of Spanish literature, and her life and times have since been the subject of extensive studies. However, her biographers have made a mistake in one way, just as the Franciscan did in another; they have attempted to surround her with many virtues, trying to project the beauty found in her letters onto her life and character, while true understanding of this remarkable woman must come from the act of humbling her and stripping away all her attributes except for one.

She was the daughter of a cloth-merchant who had acquired the money and the hatred of the Limeans within a stone's-throw of the Plaza. Her childhood was unhappy: she was ugly; she stuttered; her mother persecuted her with sarcasms in an effort to arouse some social charms and forced her to go about the town in a veritable harness of jewels. She lived alone and she thought alone. Many suitors presented themselves, but as long as she could she fought against the convention of her time and was determined to remain single. There were hysterical scenes with her mother, recriminations, screams and slamming of doors. At last at twenty-six she found herself penned into marriage with a supercilious and ruined nobleman and the Cathedral of Lima fairly buzzed with the sneers of her guests. Still she lived alone and thought alone, and when an exquisite daughter was born to her she fastened upon her an idolatrous love. But little Clara took after her father; she was cold and intellectual. At the age of eight she was calmly correcting her mother's speech and presently regarding her with astonishment and repulsion. The frightened mother became meek and obsequious but she could not prevent herself from persecuting Doña Clara with nervous attention and a fatiguing love. Again there were hysterical recriminations, screams and slamming of doors. From the offers of marriage that fell to her, Doña Clara deliberately chose the one that required her removal to Spain. So to Spain she went, to that land from which it takes six months to receive an answer to one's letter. The leave-taking before so long a voyage became in Peru one of the formal services of the Church. The ship was blessed and as the space widened between the vessel and the beach both companies knelt and sang a hymn that never failed to sound weak and timid in all that open air. Doña Clara sailed with most admirable composure, leaving her mother to gaze after the bright ship, her hand pressing now her heart and now her mouth. Blurred and streaked became her view of the serene Pacific and the enormous clouds of pearl that hang forever motionless above it.

She was the daughter of a cloth merchant who had earned both wealth and the animosity of the people in Lima, not far from the Plaza. Her childhood was miserable: she was ugly, she stuttered, and her mother constantly taunted her with sarcasm in an attempt to cultivate some social grace. Her mother forced her to wear a heavy load of jewels while walking around town. She lived and thought in isolation. Many suitors came forward, but as long as she could, she resisted the norms of her time and was determined to stay single. There were emotional outbursts with her mother—accusations, screams, and slamming doors. Finally, at twenty-six, she found herself trapped in marriage with an arrogant and impoverished nobleman, and the Cathedral of Lima buzzed with the mockery of her guests. Yet, she continued to live and think alone, and when a beautiful daughter was born to her, she became obsessively devoted to her. However, little Clara took after her father; she was cold and intellectual. By the age of eight, she was calmly correcting her mother’s speech and soon looked at her with a mix of astonishment and disgust. The frightened mother turned submissive but couldn't stop harassing Doña Clara with nervous attention and exhausting affection. Once again, there were emotional accusations, screams, and slamming doors. From the marriage proposals she received, Doña Clara intentionally chose the one that meant moving to Spain. So, she went to Spain, to a place where it takes six months to get a reply to a letter. The farewell before such a long journey became one of the formal ceremonies of the Church in Peru. The ship was blessed, and as the gap widened between the vessel and the shore, both groups knelt and sang a hymn that always seemed weak and timid in the open air. Doña Clara sailed away with remarkable composure, leaving her mother to watch the bright ship disappear, her hand pressed against her heart and then her mouth. Her view of the calm Pacific became blurry and streaked, along with the giant clouds of pearlescent color that forever hung motionless above it.

Left alone in Lima the Marquesa's life grew more and more inward. She became increasingly negligent in her dress and like all lonely people she talked to herself audibly. All her existence lay in the burning center of her mind. On that stage were performed endless dialogues with her daughter, impossible reconciliations, scenes eternally recommenced of remorse and forgiveness. On the street you beheld an old woman her red wig fallen a little over one ear, her left cheek angry with a leprous affection, her right with a complementary adjustment of rouge. Her chin was never dry; her lips were never still. Lima was a city of eccentrics, but even there she became its jest as she drove through the streets or shuffled up the steps of its churches. She was thought to be continuously drunk. Worse things were said of her and petitions were afloat that she be locked up. She had been denounced three times before the Inquisition. It is not impossible that she might have been burned had her son-in-law been less influential in Spain and had she not somehow collected a few friends about the viceregal court who suffered her for her oddity and her wide reading.

Left alone in Lima, the Marquesa's life became more and more inward. She paid less attention to her appearance and, like many lonely people, she talked to herself out loud. Her entire existence revolved around the intense thoughts in her mind. On that mental stage, she acted out endless conversations with her daughter, impossible reconciliations, and recurring scenes of regret and forgiveness. On the street, you could see an old woman with her red wig slipping over one ear, her left cheek inflamed with a leprous condition, and her right cheek covered with an excessive amount of makeup. Her chin was always wet; her lips were never still. Lima was a city full of odd characters, but even there, she became a subject of mockery as she drove through the streets or shuffled up the steps of its churches. People thought she was constantly drunk. Even worse things were said about her, and there were petitions for her to be locked up. She had been reported to the Inquisition three times. It’s possible she could have been burned if her son-in-law hadn’t been so influential in Spain and if she hadn’t managed to gather a few friends at the viceregal court who tolerated her for her eccentricity and her extensive reading.

The distressing character of the relations between mother and daughter were further embittered by misunderstandings over money. The Condesa received a handsome allowance from her mother and frequent gifts. Doña Clara soon became the outstanding woman of intelligence at the Spanish court. All the wealth of Peru would have been insufficient to maintain her in the grandiose style she fancied for herself. Strangely enough her extravagance proceeded from one of the best traits in her nature: she regarded her friends, her servants and all the interesting people in the capital, as her children. In fact there seemed only one person in the world towards whom she did not expend herself in kind offices. Among her protégés was the cartographer De Blasiis (whose Maps of the New World was dedicated to the Marquesa de Montemayor amid the roars of the courtiers at Lima who read that she was the "admiration of her city and a rising sun in the West"); another was the scientist Azuarius whose treatise on the laws of hydraulics was suppressed by the Inquisition as being too exciting. For a decade the Condesa literally sustained all the arts and sciences of Spain; it was not her fault that nothing memorable was produced in that time.

The troubled relationship between mother and daughter was further complicated by misunderstandings about money. The Countess received a generous allowance from her mother along with frequent gifts. Doña Clara quickly became the standout intellectual at the Spanish court. All the riches of Peru wouldn’t have been enough to support the lavish lifestyle she envisioned for herself. Interestingly, her extravagance stemmed from one of her best qualities: she saw her friends, her servants, and all the fascinating people in the capital as her children. In fact, there seemed to be only one person in the world she didn’t shower with kindness. Among her protégés was the cartographer De Blasiis (whose Maps of the New World was dedicated to the Marquesa de Montemayor amid the laughter of the courtiers in Lima who read that she was the "admiration of her city and a rising sun in the West"); another was the scientist Azuarius, whose treatise on the laws of hydraulics was banned by the Inquisition for being too controversial. For a decade, the Countess literally supported all the arts and sciences in Spain; it wasn't her fault that nothing noteworthy was created during that time.

About four years after Doña Clara's departure Doña María received her permission to visit Europe. On both sides the visit was anticipated with resolutions well nourished on self-reproach: the one to be patient, the other to be undemonstrative. Both failed. Each tortured the other and was on the point of losing her mind under the alternations of self-rebuke and the outbursts of passion. At length one day Doña María rose before dawn, daring no more than to kiss the door behind which her daughter was sleeping, took ship and returned to America. Henceforth letter-writing had to take the place of all the affection that could not be lived.

About four years after Doña Clara left, Doña María got permission to visit Europe. Both of them were looking forward to the visit, filled with resolutions driven by guilt: one to be patient, the other to hold back her emotions. Neither of them succeeded. They both caused each other pain and were on the verge of losing their minds with the swings between self-blame and emotional outbursts. Finally, one day, Doña María got up before dawn, daring only to kiss the door behind which her daughter was sleeping, boarded a ship, and returned to America. From then on, letter-writing had to take the place of all the affection that couldn't be expressed in person.

Hers were the letters that in an astonishing world have become the text-book of schoolboys and the ant-hill of the grammarians. Doña María would have invented her genius had she not been born with it, so necessary was it to her love that she attract the attention, perhaps the admiration, of her distant child. She forced herself to go out into society in order to cull its ridicules; she taught her eye to observe; she read the masterpieces of her language to discover its effects; she insinuated herself into the company of those who were celebrated for their conversation. Night after night in her baroque palace she wrote and rewrote the incredible pages, forcing from her despairing mind those miracles of wit and grace, those distilled chronicles of the viceregal court. We know now that her daughter barely glanced at the letters and that it is to the son-in-law that we owe their preservation.

Hers were the letters that, in an amazing world, have become the textbook for schoolboys and a topic of endless debate for grammarians. Doña María would have created her genius if she hadn’t been born with it; it was essential for her desire to capture the attention, and maybe even the admiration, of her distant child. She pushed herself to engage with society to gather its criticisms; she trained her eye to observe; she read the great works of her language to understand their impact; she inserted herself into the company of those known for their conversation. Night after night, in her ornate palace, she wrote and rewrote those incredible pages, extracting from her troubled mind those wonders of wit and elegance, those finely crafted chronicles of the vice regal court. We now know that her daughter barely looked at the letters, and it is to the son-in-law that we owe their preservation.

The Marquesa would have been astonished to learn that her letters were immortal. Yet many critics have accused her of keeping one eye on posterity and point to a number of letters that have all the air of being bravura pieces. To them it seems impossible that Doña María should have put herself to the same pains to dazzle her daughter that most artists expend on dazzling the public. Like her son-in-law they misunderstood her: the Conde delighted in her letters, but he thought that when he had enjoyed the style he had extracted all their richness and intention, missing (as most readers do) the whole purport of literature, which is the notation of the heart. Style is but the faintly contemptible vessel in which the bitter liquid is recommended to the world. The Marquesa would even have been astonished to learn that her letters were very good, for such authors live always in the noble weather of their own minds and those productions which seem remarkable to us are little better than a day's routine to them.

The Marquesa would have been shocked to find out that her letters were timeless. However, many critics have accused her of thinking about her legacy and point to several letters that feel like show-off pieces. To them, it seems impossible that Doña María would have gone to such lengths to impress her daughter as most artists do to impress the public. Like her son-in-law, they misunderstood her: the Conde enjoyed her letters, but he believed that once he appreciated the style, he had grasped all their depth and meaning, missing (as most readers do) the true essence of literature, which is to express the heart. Style is just a somewhat trivial vessel for presenting the bitter essence to the world. The Marquesa would have been surprised to discover that her letters were actually very good, because authors like her always exist in the lofty climate of their own thoughts, and what seems extraordinary to us is just a regular day's work for them.

This was the old woman who hour by hour would sit upon her balcony, her odd straw hat casting a purple shadow across her lined and yellow face. How often as she turned her pages with her gemmed hands, she would ask herself, almost with amusement, whether the constant pain at her heart had an organic seat. She wondered whether a subtle doctor cutting through to that battered throne could at last discover a sign and lifting his face to the amphitheatre cry out to his students: "This woman has suffered, and her suffering has left its mark upon the structure of her heart." This idea had so often visited her that one day she wrote it into a letter and her daughter scolded her for an introspective and for making a cult of sorrow.

This was the old woman who would sit on her balcony hour after hour, her quirky straw hat casting a purple shadow over her wrinkled, yellow face. As she turned the pages with her jeweled hands, she often wondered, almost with a sense of humor, if the constant pain in her heart had a physical cause. She thought about whether a skilled doctor, probing deep into that battered throne, could finally uncover a trace and, lifting his gaze to the audience, declare to his students, "This woman has suffered, and her suffering has left its mark on the structure of her heart." This thought had come to her so many times that one day she wrote it in a letter, and her daughter scolded her for being overly introspective and for turning suffering into a sort of cult.




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The knowledge that she would never be loved in return acted upon her ideas as a tide acts upon cliffs. Her religious beliefs went first, for all she could ask of a god, or of immortality, was the gift of a place where daughters love their mothers; the other attributes of Heaven you could have for a song. Next she lost her belief in the sincerity of those about her. She secretly refused to believe that anyone (herself excepted) loved anyone. All families lived in a wasteful atmosphere of custom and kissed one another with secret indifference. She saw that the people of this world moved about in an armour of egotism, drunk with self-gazing, athirst for compliments, hearing little of what was said to them, unmoved by the accidents that befell their closest friends, in dread of all appeals that might interrupt their long communion with their own desires. These were the sons and daughters of Adam from Cathay to Peru. And when on the balcony her thoughts reached this turn, her mouth would contract with shame for she knew that she too sinned and that though her love for her daughter was vast enough to include all the colours of love, it was not without a shade of tyranny: she loved her daughter not for her daughter's sake, but for her own. She longed to free herself from this ignoble bond; but the passion was too fierce to cope with. And then on that green balcony a strange warfare would shake the hideous old lady, a singularly futile struggle against a temptation to which she would never have the opportunity of succumbing. How could she rule her daughter when her daughter saw to it that four thousand miles lay between them? Nevertheless Doña María wrestled with the ghost of her temptation and was worsted on every occasion. She wanted her daughter for herself; she wanted to hear her say: "You are the best of all possible mothers"; she longed to hear her whisper: "Forgive me."

The knowledge that she would never be loved back affected her thoughts like the tide eroding cliffs. Her religious beliefs crumbled first because all she could ask of a god or immortality was the gift of a place where daughters love their mothers; the other perks of Heaven were easy to come by. Next, she lost faith in the sincerity of those around her. Deep down, she couldn’t believe that anyone (herself included) truly loved anyone else. All families lived in a meaningless routine and kissed one another with hidden indifference. She noticed that the people in this world moved around in a shell of self-absorption, intoxicated with their own reflections, craving compliments, barely listening to what was said to them, and unmoved by misfortunes that struck their closest friends, fearful of any interruptions to their long conversations with their own desires. These were the sons and daughters of Adam from China to Peru. And when her thoughts reached this point on the balcony, her mouth would tighten with shame because she knew that she too was guilty; even though her love for her daughter was vast enough to encompass all the facets of love, it wasn’t without a hint of tyranny: she loved her daughter not for her daughter’s own sake, but for her own desires. She yearned to break free from this unworthy connection, but the passion was too intense to manage. And then, on that green balcony, a strange conflict would shake the hideous old lady, a frustrating battle against a temptation she would never be able to give in to. How could she control her daughter when her daughter ensured that four thousand miles separated them? Still, Doña María grappled with the specter of her temptation and lost every time. She wanted her daughter for herself; she wanted to hear her say, “You’re the best mother ever”; she longed to hear her whisper, “Forgive me.”

About two years after her return from Spain there took place a series of inconspicuous events that had a great deal to tell about the inner life of the Marquesa. Only the faintest allusion to them occurs in the Correspondence, but as that is found in Letter XXII which contains other signs I shall do my best to give a translation and commentary of the first part of the letter:

About two years after she came back from Spain, a series of subtle events happened that revealed a lot about the inner life of the Marquesa. There's only a brief mention of them in the Correspondence, but since that reference appears in Letter XXII, which includes other clues, I will do my best to provide a translation and commentary on the first part of the letter:

"Are there no doctors in Spain? Where are those good men from Flanders that used to help you so? Oh, my treasure, how can we punish you enough for letting your cold endure so many weeks? Don Vicente, I implore you to make my child see reason. Angels of Heaven, I implore you to make my child see reason. Now that you are better, I beg of you, resolve that when the first warning of a cold comes you will steam yourself well and go to bed. Here in Peru I am helpless; I can do nothing. Do not be self-willed, beloved. God bless you. I am enclosing in today's packet the gum of some tree which the sisters of San Tomás peddle from door to door. Whether it be of much use I know not. It can do no harm. I am told that in the convent the silly sisters inhale it so diligently that one cannot smell the incense at Mass. Whether it be worth anything I know not; try it.

Are there no doctors in Spain? Where are those good men from Flanders who used to help you so much? Oh, my dear, how can we punish you enough for letting your cold go on for so many weeks? Don Vicente, I ask you to help my child see reason. Angels in Heaven, I ask you to help my child see reason. Now that you're feeling better, I beg you to promise that when you first notice a cold coming on, you'll take care of yourself and get some rest. Here in Peru, I feel powerless; there's nothing I can do. Please don’t be stubborn, my love. God bless you. I'm sending you in today's package the gum from a tree that the sisters of San Tomás sell door to door. I don’t know if it will be much use; it can’t do any harm. I've heard that in the convent, the silly sisters inhale it so much that you can’t even smell the incense at Mass. I don't know if it's worth anything; just give it a try.

"Rest easy, my love, I am sending His Mos. Catholic Majesty the perfect gold chain." (Her daughter had written her: "The chain arrived in good condition and I wore it at the christening of the Infante. His Most Catholic Majesty was gracious enough to admire it and when I told Him that you had given it me He sent you His compliments upon your taste. Do not fail to send Him one as like it as possible; send it at once, by way of the Chamberlain.") "He need never know that in order to obtain it I had to walk into a picture. Do you remember that in the sacristy of San Martín there is a portrait by Velasquez of the Viceroy who founded the monastery and of his wife and brat? and that his wife is wearing a gold chain? I resolved that only that chain would do. So one midnight I slipped into the sacristy, climbed upon the robing-table like a girl of twelve and walked in. The canvas resisted for a moment, but the painter himself came forward to lift me through the pigment. I told him that the most beautiful girl in Spain wished to present the finest gold chain that could be found to the most gracious king in the world. It was as simple as that, and there we stood talking, we four, in the gray and silvery air that makes a Velasquez. Now I keep thinking about a more golden light; I keep looking at the Palace: I must pass the evening in a Titian. Would the Viceroy let me?

"Rest easy, my love, I am sending His Most Catholic Majesty the perfect gold chain." (Her daughter had written to her: "The chain arrived in good condition, and I wore it at the christening of the Infante. His Most Catholic Majesty was gracious enough to admire it, and when I told Him that you had given it to me, He sent you His compliments on your taste. Don't forget to send Him one as similar as possible; send it right away, via the Chamberlain.") "He need never know that to get it, I had to step into a painting. Do you remember that in the sacristy of San Martín, there's a portrait by Velasquez of the Viceroy who founded the monastery and his wife and child? And that his wife is wearing a gold chain? I decided that only that chain would do. So, one midnight, I slipped into the sacristy, climbed onto the robing table like a girl of twelve, and stepped inside. The canvas resisted for a moment, but the painter himself came forward to lift me through the paint. I told him that the most beautiful girl in Spain wanted to present the finest gold chain she could find to the most gracious king in the world. It was as simple as that, and there we stood talking, the four of us, in the gray and silvery air that makes a Velasquez. Now I keep thinking about a warmer light; I keep looking at the Palace: I must spend the evening in a Titian. Would the Viceroy let me?

"But His Excellency has the gout again. I say 'again' because the flattery of the court insists that there are times when he is free of it. This being Saint Mark's day His Excellency started out to visit the University where twenty-two new doctors were being brought into the world. He had hardly been carried from his divan to his coach when he screamed and refused to go any farther. He was carried back to his bed where he broke a most delicious cigar and sent for the Perichole. And while we listened to long doctrinal addresses, more or less in Latin, he heard all about us, more or less in Spanish, from the reddest and cruellest lips in town." (Doña María permitted herself this passage, although she had just read in her daughter's last letter: "How many times must I tell you to be more cautious in the things you say in your letters? They often show signs of having been opened on the journey. Nothing could be more ill-judged than your remarks on the you-know-what-I-mean at Cuzco. Such remarks are not funny, even though Vicente did compliment you upon them in his postscript, and they might get us into a great deal of trouble with Certain Persons here in Spain. I continue to be astonished that your indiscretions have not long since led to your being ordered to retire to your farm.")

"But the Excellency has the gout again. I say 'again' because the flattery from the court suggests that there are times he’s free of it. Since today is Saint Mark's day, the Excellency set out to visit the University where twenty-two new doctors were about to graduate. He had barely been moved from his divan to his coach when he screamed and refused to go any further. He was taken back to his bed where he broke a particularly good cigar and called for the Perichole. Meanwhile, as we endured long speeches, mostly in Latin, he listened to all the gossip about us, mostly in Spanish, from the most colorful and vicious mouths in town." (Doña María allowed this passage, even though she had just read in her daughter's latest letter: "How many times do I have to tell you to be more careful with what you say in your letters? They often seem like they've been opened during transit. Nothing could be more poorly judged than your comments about the you-know-what at Cuzco. Such comments aren't funny, even if Vicente did compliment you on them in his postscript, and they could get us into serious trouble with Certain Persons here in Spain. I still can’t believe your indiscretions haven’t already resulted in you being sent back to your farm.")

"There was a great press at the Exercises and two women fell from the balcony, but God in His goodness saw that they fell on Doña Merced. All three are badly hurt, but will be thinking of other things within a year. The President was speaking at the moment of the accident and being short-sighted could not imagine what the disturbance of cries and talk and falling bodies could be about. It was very pleasant to see him bowing, under the impression that he was being applauded.

There was a huge crowd at the event, and two women fell from the balcony, but thankfully, they landed on Doña Merced. All three are seriously injured, but they’ll probably have other things to think about in a year. The President was speaking when the accident happened and, since he was short-sighted, he couldn’t figure out what all the shouting and commotion was about. It was quite amusing to see him bowing, thinking he was being applauded.

"Speaking of the Perichole, and of applause, you should know that Pepita and I decided to go to the Comedia this evening. The public still idolizes its Perichole; it even forgives her her years. We are told that she saves what she can, every morning, by passing alternate pencils of ice and fire across her cheeks." (Translation falls especially short of this conceit which carries the whole flamboyance of the Spanish language. It was intended as an obsequious flattery of the Condesa, and was untrue. The great actress was twenty-eight at this time; her cheeks had the smoothness and polish of dark yellow marble and would certainly have retained that quality for many years. Apart from the cosmetics required by her performances the only treatment Camila Perichole afforded her face was to throw cold water at it twice a day, like a peasant woman at a horse trough.) "That curious man they call Uncle Pio is by her all the time. Don Rubío says that he cannot make out whether Uncle Pio is her father, her lover, or her son. The Perichole gave a wonderful performance. Scold me all you like for a provincial ninny, you have no such actresses in Spain." And so on.

"Speaking of the Perichole and applause, you should know that Pepita and I decided to go to the Comedia this evening. The audience still idolizes the Perichole; they even overlook her age. We're told that she saves what she can every morning by alternating between cold and hot treatments on her cheeks." (Translation doesn't quite capture this idea, which embodies the flamboyance of the Spanish language. It was meant as flattering submission to the Condesa and was untrue. The great actress was twenty-eight at the time; her cheeks had the smoothness and shine of dark yellow marble and would probably have kept that quality for many years. Aside from the makeup required for her performances, the only care Camila Perichole gave her face was splashing cold water on it twice a day, like a peasant woman at a horse trough.) "That curious man they call Uncle Pio is always around her. Don Rubío says he can't figure out whether Uncle Pio is her father, her lover, or her son. The Perichole gave an amazing performance. Scold me all you want for being a provincial fool; you don't have actresses like her in Spain." And so on.

It is on this visit to the theatre that further matter hangs. She decided to go to the Comedia where the Perichole was playing Doña Leonor in Moreto's Trampa Adelante; perhaps some material could be derived from the visit for her daughter's next letter. She took with her Pepita, a little girl about whom later we shall learn much. Doña María had borrowed her from the orphanage connected with the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas to be her companion. The Marquesa sat in her box gazing with flagging attention at the brilliant stage. Between the acts it was the Perichole's custom to lay aside the courtly rôle and appear before the curtain to sing a few topical songs. The malicious actress had seen the Marquesa arrive and presently began improvising couplets alluding to her appearance, her avarice, her drunkenness, and even to her daughter's flight from her. The attention of the house was subtly directed to the old woman and a rising murmur of contempt accompanied the laughter of the audience. But the Marquesa, deeply moved by the first two acts of the comedy, scarcely saw the singer and sat staring before her, thinking about Spain. Camila Perichole became bolder and the air was electric with the hatred and glee of the crowd. At last Pepita plucked the Marquesa's sleeve and whispered to her that they should go. As they left the box the house arose and burst into a roar of triumph; the Perichole flung herself into a frenzied dance, for she saw the manager at the back of the hall and knew that her salary had been increased. But the Marquesa remained unaware of what had taken place; in fact she was quite pleased, for during the visit she had contrived a few felicitous phrases, phrases (who knows) that might bring a smile to her daughter's face and might make her murmur: "Really, my mother is charming."

On this trip to the theater, more was at stake. She decided to go to the Comedia where the Perichole was playing Doña Leonor in Moreto's Trampa Adelante; maybe she could get some material for her daughter's next letter. She brought along Pepita, a little girl about whom we'll learn a lot later. Doña María had borrowed her from the orphanage linked to the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas to keep her company. The Marquesa sat in her box, watching the dazzling stage with waning interest. Between the acts, the Perichole would often set aside her courtly role and come out in front of the curtain to sing a few topical songs. The sly actress noticed the Marquesa’s arrival and soon started improvising couplets that mentioned her appearance, her greed, her drunkenness, and even her daughter’s escape from her. The audience's attention was subtly drawn to the old woman, and a growing murmur of contempt mixed with the laughter of the crowd. But the Marquesa, deeply touched by the first two acts of the play, hardly noticed the singer and sat staring blankly ahead, thinking about Spain. Camila Perichole grew bolder, and the atmosphere crackled with the crowd's hate and delight. Finally, Pepita tugged at the Marquesa's sleeve and whispered that they should leave. As they exited, the audience erupted into a roar of triumph; the Perichole launched into a wild dance, having spotted the manager at the back of the hall, realizing her salary had gone up. However, the Marquesa was oblivious to all this; in fact, she felt quite content, for during her visit, she had come up with a few clever phrases, phrases that might (who knows) bring a smile to her daughter’s face and make her say, "Wow, my mother is charming."

In due time the report reached the Viceroy's ears that one of his aristocrats had been openly baited in the theatre. He summoned the Perichole to the Palace and ordered her to call upon the Marquesa and to apologize. The trip was to be made barefoot and in a black dress. Camila argued and fought, but all she gained was a pair of shoes.

In time, the report reached the Viceroy that one of his nobles had been publicly insulted at the theater. He called the Perichole to the Palace and instructed her to visit the Marquesa and apologize. She was to make the trip barefoot and in a black dress. Camila protested and resisted, but all she got was a pair of shoes.

The Viceroy had three reasons for insisting. In the first place the singer had taken liberties with his court. Don Andrés had contrived to make exile endurable by building up a ceremonial so complicated that it could be remembered only by a society that had nothing else to think about. He nursed his little aristocracy and its minute distinctions and any insult paid to a Marquesa was an insult to His Person. In the second place, Doña María's son-in-law was an increasingly important personage in Spain, laden with possibilities of injury to the Viceroy, nay with the possibility of supplanting him. The Conde Vicente d'Abuirre must not be vexed, even through his half-wit mother-in-law. Finally, the Viceroy was delighted to humble the actress. He suspected that she was deceiving him with a matador, perhaps with an actor,—between the flattery of the court and the inertia of gout he could not quite make out who it was; at all events, it was clear that the singer was beginning to forget that he was one of the first men in the world.

The Viceroy had three reasons for insisting. First, the singer had disrespected his court. Don Andrés had managed to make exile bearable by creating a ceremony so complicated that only a society with nothing else to focus on could remember it. He took care of his small aristocracy and its tiny distinctions, and any insult directed at a Marquesa was seen as an insult to him personally. Second, Doña María's son-in-law was becoming a more important figure in Spain, with the potential to harm the Viceroy or even replace him. The Conde Vicente d'Abuirre must not be offended, even through his dimwitted mother-in-law. Finally, the Viceroy was pleased to put the actress in her place. He suspected she was cheating on him with a matador, or maybe with an actor—between the court's flattery and his gout-related sluggishness, he couldn't quite tell who it was; in any case, it was evident that the singer was starting to forget that he was one of the most important men in the world.

The Marquesa, beside not having heard the scurrilous songs, was in other ways unprepared for the actress's visit. You should know that after the departure of her daughter, Doña María had lighted upon a certain consolation: she had taken to drinking. Everyone drank chicha in Peru and there was no particular disgrace in being found unconscious on a feast day. Doña María had begun to discover that her feverish monologues had a way of keeping her awake all night. Once she took a delicate fluted glassful of chicha on retiring. Oblivion was so sweet that presently she stole larger amounts and tried dissimulating their effects from Pepita; she hinted that she was not well, and represented herself as going into a decline. At last she resigned all pretense. The boats that carried her letter to Spain did not leave oftener than once a month. During the week that preceded the making of the packet she observed a strict regimen and cultivated the city assiduously for material. At last on the eve of the post she wrote the letter, making up the bundle towards dawn and leaving it for Pepita to deliver to the agent. Then as the sun rose she would shut herself up in her room with some flagons and drift through the next few weeks without the burden of consciousness. Finally she would emerge from her happiness and prepare to go into a state of "training" in preparation for the writing of another letter.

The Marquesa, not only having missed the scandalous songs, was also otherwise unprepared for the actress's visit. You should know that after her daughter left, Doña María found a certain comfort: she started drinking. Everyone drank chicha in Peru, and there was no real shame in being found passed out on a holiday. Doña María began to realize that her restless monologues kept her up all night. One night she took a delicate fluted glass of chicha before bed. The forgetfulness was so sweet that soon she was sneaking larger amounts and trying to hide their effects from Pepita; she suggested that she wasn't feeling well and painted herself as fading away. Eventually, she gave up all pretense. The boats that carried her letters to Spain sailed only once a month. In the week leading up to the mailing of the packet, she adhered to a strict routine and diligently gathered materials around the city. Finally, on the night before sending it off, she wrote the letter, putting the bundle together at dawn and leaving it for Pepita to take to the agent. Then, as the sun came up, she would shut herself in her room with some bottles and drift through the following weeks without the weight of awareness. Eventually, she would come out of her bliss and prepare to go into "training" for writing another letter.

Thus on the night following the scandal in the theatre she wrote Letter XXII and retired to bed with a carafe. All next day Pepita moved about the room, glancing anxiously at the figure on the bed. The next afternoon Pepita brought her needlework into the room. The Marquesa lay staring at the ceiling with wide-open eyes, talking to herself. Towards dusk Pepita was called to the door and informed that the Perichole had come to see the mistress. Pepita remembered the theatre very well and sent back word angrily that the mistress refused to see her. The man carried the message to the street door, but returned awestruck with the news that the Señora Perichole was armed with a letter from the Viceroy presenting her to the lady. Pepita tiptoed to the bed and started talking to the Marquesa. The glazed eyes moved to the girl's face. Pepita shook her gently. With great effort Doña María tried to fix her mind on what was being said to her. Twice she lay back, refusing to seize the meaning, but at last, like a general calling together in a rain and by night the dispersed division of his army she assembled memory and attention and a few other faculties and painfully pressing her hand to her forehead she asked for a bowl of snow. When it was brought her, she long and drowsily pressed handfuls of it against her temples and cheeks; then rising she stood for a long time leaning against the bed and looking at her shoes. At last she raised her head with decision, she called for her fur-trimmed cloak and a veil. She put them on and tottered into her handsomest reception room where the actress stood waiting for her.

So, on the night after the theater scandal, she wrote Letter XXII and went to bed with a carafe. The next day, Pepita moved around the room, anxiously glancing at the figure on the bed. In the afternoon, Pepita brought her needlework into the room. The Marquesa lay staring at the ceiling with her eyes wide open, talking to herself. As dusk approached, Pepita was called to the door and informed that the Perichole had come to see the lady. Pepita remembered the theater well and angrily sent word back that the lady refused to see her. The man took the message to the street door but returned, awestruck, with the news that Señora Perichole had a letter from the Viceroy presenting her to the lady. Pepita tiptoed to the bed and started talking to the Marquesa. The glazed eyes moved to the girl's face. Pepita shook her gently. With a great effort, Doña María tried to focus on what was being said to her. Twice she lay back, unable to grasp the meaning, but finally, like a general gathering his scattered troops in the rain at night, she summoned her memory and attention along with a few other faculties. Painfully pressing her hand to her forehead, she asked for a bowl of snow. When it was brought to her, she drowsily pressed handfuls against her temples and cheeks; then, rising, she leaned against the bed for a long time, looking at her shoes. Finally, she raised her head with determination, called for her fur-trimmed cloak and a veil. She put them on and wobbled into her most elegant reception room where the actress was waiting for her.

Camila had intended to be perfunctory and if possible impudent, but now she was struck for the first time with the dignity of the old woman. The mercer's daughter could carry herself at times with all the distinction of the Montemayors and when she was drunk she wore the grandeur of Hecuba. For Camila the half-closed eyes had the air of weary authority and she began almost timidly:

Camila had planned to be dismissive and, if she could, a bit cheeky, but now she was struck for the first time by the dignity of the old woman. The mercer's daughter could sometimes carry herself with all the elegance of the Montemayors, and when she was drunk, she exuded the majesty of Hecuba. To Camila, the half-closed eyes seemed to carry a tired authority, and she began almost hesitantly:

"I come, señora, to make sure that you could not have misunderstood anything I said on the evening that Your Grace did me the honour to visit my theatre."

"I’m here, ma'am, to make sure that you didn’t misunderstand anything I said on the evening when you honored me by visiting my theater."

"Misunderstood? Misunderstood?" said the Marquesa.

"Misunderstood? Misunderstood?" said the Marchioness.

"Your Grace might have misunderstood and thought that my words were intended to be disrespectful to Your Grace."

"Your Grace may have misunderstood and thought that I was being disrespectful to you."

"To me?"

"For me?"

"Your Grace is not offended at her humble servant? Your Grace is aware that a poor actress in my position may be carried beyond her intentions ... that it is very difficult ... that everything...."

"Are you not upset with your humble servant? You know that a struggling actress like me can get carried away... that it’s really tough... that everything..."

"How can I be offended, señora? All that I can remember is that you gave a beautiful performance. You are a great artist. You should be happy, happy. My handkerchief, Pepita...."

"How can I be offended, ma'am? All I can remember is that you put on a beautiful performance. You're a great artist. You should be happy, really happy. My handkerchief, Pepita...."

The Marquesa brought out these words very rapidly and vaguely, but the Perichole was confounded. A piercing sense of shame filled her. She turned crimson. At last she was able to murmur:

The Marquesa said these words quickly and somewhat ambiguously, but the Perichole was stunned. A sharp sense of shame washed over her. She blushed deeply. Finally, she managed to whisper:

"It was in the songs between the acts of the comedy. I was afraid Your Grace ..."

"It was in the songs between the scenes of the comedy. I was afraid Your Grace ..."

"Yes, yes. I remember now. I left early. Pepita, we left early, did we not? But, señora, you are good enough to forgive my leaving early, yes, even in the middle of your admirable performance. I forget why we left. Pepita ... oh, some indisposition...."

"Yes, yes. I remember now. I left early. Pepita, we left early, didn’t we? But, ma’am, you’re kind enough to forgive me for leaving early, even in the middle of your amazing performance. I forget why we left. Pepita ... oh, something came up...."

It was impossible that anyone in the theatre could have missed the intention of the songs. Camila could only assume that the Marquesa, out of a sort of fantastic magnanimity, was playing the farce of not having noticed it. She was almost in tears: "But you are so good to overlook my childishness, señora,—I mean Your Grace. I did not know. I did not know your goodness, señora, permit me to kiss your hand."

It was impossible for anyone in the theater to have missed the meaning of the songs. Camila could only guess that the Marquesa, out of some bizarre generosity, was pretending not to notice it. She was nearly in tears: "But you’re so kind to overlook my childish behavior, ma'am—I mean Your Grace. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize your kindness, ma'am; please let me kiss your hand."

Doña María held out her hand astonished. She had not for a long time been addressed with such consideration. Her neighbors, her tradespeople, her servants—for even Pepita lived in awe of her,—her very daughter had never approached her thus. It induced a new mood in her; one that must very likely be called maudlin. She became loquacious:

Doña María stretched out her hand in shock. It had been a long time since anyone had spoken to her with such respect. Her neighbors, shopkeepers, and even her servants—Pepita was even a bit intimidated by her—her own daughter had never approached her like this. It stirred a new feeling in her; one that could probably be described as overly emotional. She became chatty:

"Offended, offended at you, my beautiful, ... my gifted child? Who am I, a ... an unwise and unloved old woman, to be offended at you? I felt, my daughter, as though I were—what says the poet?—surprising through a cloud the conversation of the angels. Your voice kept finding new wonders in our Moreto. When you said:

"Offended, offended at you, my beautiful, ... my talented child? Who am I, an unwise and unloved old woman, to be offended by you? I felt, my daughter, as if I were—what does the poet say?—surprising through a cloud the conversation of the angels. Your voice kept discovering new wonders in our Moreto. When you said:

'Don Juan, si mi amor estimas,
Don Juan, if you value my love,

Y la fe segura es necia,
And the certain faith is foolish,

Enojarte mis temores
To express my fears

Es no querarme discreta.
I'm not trying to be discreet.

¿Tan seguros....'
So sure...

and so on,—that was true! And what a gesture you made at the close of the First Day. There, with your hand so. Such a gesture as the Virgin made, saying to Gabriel: How is it possible that I shall have a child? No, no, you will begin to have resentment at me, for I am going to tell you about a gesture that you may remember to use some day. Yes, it would fit well into that scene where you forgive your Don Juan de Lara. Perhaps I should tell you that I saw it made one day by my daughter. My daughter is a very beautiful woman ... everyone thinks. Did ... did you know my Doña Clara, Señora?"

and so on—that’s true! And what a gesture you made at the end of the First Day. There, with your hand like that. A gesture just like the Virgin made when she asked Gabriel: How can I have a child? No, no, you might start resenting me because I’m going to tell you about a gesture you might want to remember to use someday. Yes, it would fit perfectly into that moment when you forgive your Don Juan de Lara. I should mention that I saw my daughter do it once. My daughter is a very beautiful woman... everyone thinks so. Did... did you know my Doña Clara, Señora?

"Her Grace often did me the honour of visiting my theatre. I knew the Condesa well by sight."

"Her Grace often honored me by visiting my theater. I recognized the Countess well by sight."

"Do not remain so, on one knee, my child.—Pepita, tell Jenarito to bring this lady some sweet-cakes at once. Think, one day we fell out, I forget over what. Oh, there is nothing strange in that; all we mothers from time to time.... Look, can you come a little closer? You must not believe the town that says she was unkind to me. You are a great woman with a beautiful nature and you can see further than the crowd sees in these matters.—It is a pleasure to talk to you. What beautiful hair you have! What beautiful hair!—She had not a warm impulsive nature, I know that. But, oh, my child, she has such a store of intelligence and graciousness. Any misunderstandings between us are so plainly my fault; is it not wonderful that she is so quick to forgive me? This day there fell one of those little moments. We both said hasty things and went off to our rooms. Then each turned back to be forgiven. Finally only a door separated us and there we were pulling it in contrary ways. But at last she ... took my ... face ... thus, in her two white hands. So! Look!"

"Don’t stay like that, on one knee, my dear.—Pepita, tell Jenarito to bring this lady some sweet cakes right away. Think about it, one day we had a fight, I don’t even remember why. Oh, that’s not unusual; all us mothers do that from time to time... Look, can you come a little closer? You shouldn’t believe what the town says about her being unkind to me. You are a wonderful woman with a beautiful spirit, and you can see beyond what the crowd sees in these situations.—It’s a joy to talk to you. Your hair is gorgeous! So beautiful!—I know she doesn’t have a warm, impulsive nature. But, oh, my dear, she possesses so much intelligence and grace. Any misunderstandings between us are clearly my fault; isn’t it amazing how quickly she forgives me? Today, we had one of those little moments. We both said some hasty things and went to our separate rooms. Then we each turned back to seek forgiveness. In the end, there was only a door between us, and we were both pulling it in opposite directions. But finally, she... took my... face... like this, in her two white hands. Look!"

The Marquesa almost fell out of her chair as she leaned forward, her face streaming with happy tears, and made the beatific gesture. I should say the mythical gesture, for the incident was but a recurring dream.

The Marquesa nearly toppled out of her chair as she leaned forward, tears of joy streaming down her face, and made the blissful gesture. I should say the legendary gesture, because the incident was just a recurring dream.

"I am glad you are here," she continued, "for now you have heard from my own lips that she is not unkind to me, as some people say. Listen, señora, the fault was mine. Look at me. Look at me. There was some mistake that made me the mother of so beautiful a girl. I am difficult. I am trying. You and she are great women. No, do not stop me: you are rare women, and I am only a nervous ... a foolish ... a stupid woman. Let me kiss your feet. I am impossible. I am impossible. I am impossible."

"I'm really glad you're here," she went on, "because now you've heard from me directly that she's not unkind to me, contrary to what some people say. Listen, señora, the fault is mine. Look at me. Look at me. There must have been some mistake that made me the mother of such a beautiful girl. I'm difficult. I'm challenging. You and she are incredible women. No, don’t stop me: you are exceptional women, and I’m just a nervous ... a silly ... a foolish woman. Let me kiss your feet. I'm impossible. I'm impossible. I'm impossible."

Here indeed the old woman did fall out of her chair and was gathered up by Pepita and led back to her bed. The Perichole walked home in consternation and sat for a long time gazing into her eyes in the mirror, her palms pressed against her cheeks.

Here, the old woman actually fell out of her chair and was helped up by Pepita, who took her back to bed. The Perichole walked home in shock and spent a long time staring into her eyes in the mirror, her hands pressed against her cheeks.

But the person who saw most of the difficult hours of the Marquesa was her little companion, Pepita. Pepita was an orphan and had been brought up by that strange genius of Lima, the Abbess Madre María del Pilar. The only occasion upon which the two great women of Peru (as the perspective of history was to reveal them) met face to face was on the day when Doña María called upon the directress of the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas and asked if she might borrow some bright girl from the orphanage to be her companion. The Abbess gazed hard at the grotesque old woman. Even the wisest people in the world are not perfectly wise and Madre María del Pilar who was able to divine the poor human heart behind all the masks of folly and defiance, had always refused to concede one to the Marquesa de Montemayor. She asked her a great many questions and then paused to think. She wanted to give Pepita the worldly experience of living in the palace. She also wanted to bend the old woman to her own interests. And she was filled with a sombre indignation, for she knew she was gazing at one of the richest women in Peru, and the blindest.

But the person who witnessed most of the tough times of the Marquesa was her little companion, Pepita. Pepita was an orphan and had been raised by that unusual genius of Lima, Abbess Madre María del Pilar. The only time the two prominent women of Peru (as history would later show them) met in person was when Doña María visited the director of the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas and asked if she could borrow a bright girl from the orphanage to be her companion. The Abbess looked intently at the eccentric old woman. Even the wisest people aren’t completely wise, and Madre María del Pilar, who could see the struggling human heart beneath all the masks of foolishness and defiance, had always refused to give any credit to the Marquesa de Montemayor. She asked her many questions and then paused to think. She wanted to give Pepita the life experience of living in the palace. She also aimed to bend the old woman to her own interests. And she was filled with a heavy indignation, for she knew she was looking at one of the richest women in Peru, and the most oblivious.

She was one of those persons who have allowed their lives to be gnawed away because they have fallen in love with an idea several centuries before its appointed appearance in the history of civilization. She hurled herself against the obstinacy of her time in her desire to attach a little dignity to women. At midnight when she had finished adding up the accounts of the House she would fall into insane vision of an age when women could be organized to protect women, women travelling, women as servants, women when they are old or ill, the women she had discovered in the mines of Potosi, or in the workrooms of the cloth-merchants, the girls she had collected out of doorways on rainy nights. But always the next morning she had to face the fact that the women in Peru, even her nuns, went through life with two notions: one, that all the misfortunes that might befall them were merely due to the fact that they were not sufficiently attractive to bind some man to their maintenance and, two, that all the misery in the world was worth his caress. She had never known any country but the environs of Lima and she assumed that all its corruption was the normal state of mankind. Looking back from our century we can see the whole folly of her hope. Twenty such women would have failed to make any impression on that age. Yet she continued diligently in her task. She resembled the swallow in the fable who once every thousand years transferred a grain of wheat, in the hope of rearing a mountain to reach the moon. Such persons are raised up in every age; they obstinately insist on transporting their grains of wheat and they derive a certain exhilaration from the sneers of the bystanders. "How queerly they dress!" we cry. "How queerly they dress!"

She was one of those people who let their lives be diminished because they fell in love with an idea long before it was meant to appear in history. She fought against the stubbornness of her time in her quest to bring some respect to women. At midnight, after finishing the House's accounts, she would dive into a wild fantasy of a time when women could unite to support each other, women traveling, women as helpers, women as they aged or fell ill, the women she had seen in the mines of Potosi or in the workshops of cloth merchants, the girls she had rescued from doorways on rainy nights. But each morning she had to confront the reality that the women in Peru, even her nuns, believed two things: first, that all the misfortunes that happened to them were because they weren’t attractive enough to secure a man to support them, and second, that all the suffering in the world was worth a man’s affection. She had only known the area around Lima and thought that all its corruption was simply the natural state of humanity. Looking back from our time, we can see how misguided her hope was. Twenty such women would have made no impact in that era. Still, she persisted diligently in her work. She was like the swallow in the fable that, once every thousand years, moved a grain of wheat, hoping to build a mountain that could reach the moon. There are always people like her in every age; they stubbornly keep moving their grains of wheat, finding a certain thrill in the ridicule of onlookers. "How strange their clothes are!" we exclaim. "How strange their clothes are!"

Her plain red face had great kindliness, and more idealism than kindliness, and more generalship than idealism. All her work, her hospitals, her orphanage, her convent, her sudden journeys of rescue, depended upon money. No one harbored a fairer admiration for mere goodness, but she had been obliged to watch herself sacrificing her kindliness, almost her idealism, to generalship, so dreadful were the struggles to obtain her subsidies from her superiors in the church. The Archbishop of Lima, whom we shall know later in a more graceful connection, hated her with what he called a Vatinian hate and counted the cessation of her visits among the compensations for dying.

Her simple red face radiated warmth, showcasing more idealism than kindness, and more leadership than idealism. Everything she did—her hospitals, her orphanage, her convent, her sudden rescue missions—relied on funding. No one admired pure goodness more than she did, but she had to witness herself sacrificing her kindness, nearly her idealism, for leadership, as the struggles to secure support from her church superiors were so exhausting. The Archbishop of Lima, who we'll learn about later in a more favorable context, despised her with a type of hatred he referred to as Vatinian and considered the end of her visits a relief for his impending death.

Lately she had felt not only the breath of old age against her cheek, but a graver warning. A chill of terror went through her, not for herself, but for her work. Who was there in Peru to value the things she had valued? And rising one day at dawn she had made a rapid journey through her hospital and convent and orphanage, looking for a soul she might train to be her successor. She hurried from empty face to empty face, occasionally pausing more from hope than conviction. In the courtyard she came upon a company of girls at work over the linen and her eyes fell at once upon a girl of twelve who was directing the others at the trough and at the same time recounting to them with great dramatic fire the less probable miracles in the life of Saint Rose of Lima. So it was that the search ended with Pepita. The education for greatness is difficult enough at any time, but amid the sensibilities and jealousies of a convent it must be conducted with fantastic indirection. Pepita was assigned to the most disliked tasks in the House, but she came to understand all the aspects of its administration. She accompanied the Abbess on her journeys, even though it was in the capacity of custodian of the eggs and vegetables. And everywhere, by surprise, hours would open up in which the Directress suddenly appeared and talked to her at great length, not only on religious experience, but on how to manage women and how to plan contagious wards and how to beg for money. It was a step in this education for greatness that led to Pepita's arriving one day and entering upon the crazy duties of being Doña María's companion. For the first two years she merely came for occasional afternoons, but finally she came to the palace to live. She never had been taught to expect happiness, and the inconveniences, not to say terrors, of her new position did not seem to her excessive for a girl of fourteen. She did not suspect that the Abbess, even there, was hovering above the house, herself estimating the stresses and watching for the moment when a burden harms and not strengthens.

Lately, she felt not only the touch of old age on her cheek, but also a more serious warning. A chill of fear ran through her, not for herself, but for her work. Who in Peru would appreciate the things she valued? One morning, she woke at dawn and quickly traveled through her hospital, convent, and orphanage, searching for someone she could train to take her place. She moved from one empty face to another, pausing occasionally out of hope more than conviction. In the courtyard, she found a group of girls working on the linen, and her eyes landed on a twelve-year-old girl who was directing the others at the trough while passionately telling them the more unlikely miracles from the life of Saint Rose of Lima. Thus, her search ended with Pepita. The path to greatness is never easy, but in the sensitive and jealous environment of a convent, it requires a kind of subtlety. Pepita was given the least desirable tasks in the House, but she learned all aspects of its management. She accompanied the Abbess on her trips, even if her role was just to carry the eggs and vegetables. And unexpectedly, there were times when the Directress would suddenly show up and talk to her extensively—not just about religious experiences, but also about managing women, planning infectious wards, and fundraising. This education for greatness led to Pepita eventually taking on the unusual duties of being Doña María's companion. For the first two years, she would only visit for occasional afternoons, but eventually she moved into the palace. She had never been taught to expect happiness, and the challenges, if not the fears, of her new position didn’t seem too overwhelming for a fourteen-year-old girl. She didn’t realize that the Abbess was still watching over the house, assessing the pressures and waiting for the moment when a burden could harm rather than strengthen.




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A few of Pepita's trials were physical: for example, the servants in the house took advantage of Doña María's indisposition; they opened up the bedrooms of the palace to their relatives; they stole freely. Alone Pepita stood out against them and suffered a persecution of small discomforts and practical jokes. Her mind, similarly, had its distresses: when she accompanied Doña María on her errands in the city, the older woman would be seized with the desire to dash into a church, for what she had lost of religion as faith she had replaced with religion as magic. "Stay here in the sunlight, my dear child; I shall not be long," she would say. Doña María would then forget herself in a reverie before the altar and leave the church by another door. Pepita had been brought up by Madre María del Pilar to an almost morbid obedience and when after many hours she ventured into the church and made sure that her mistress was no longer there, still she returned to the street-corner and waited while the shadows fell gradually across the square. Thus waiting in public she suffered all the torture of a little girl's self-consciousness. She still wore the uniform of the orphanage (which a minute's thoughtfulness on the part of Doña María could have altered) and she suffered hallucinations wherein men seemed to be staring at her and whispering—nor were these always hallucinations. No less her heart suffered, for on some days Doña María would suddenly become aware of her and would talk to her cordially and humorously, would let appear for a few hours all the exquisite sensibility of the Letters; then, on the morrow she would withdraw into herself again and, while never harsh, would become impersonal and unseeing. The beginnings of hope and affection that Pepita had such need to expend would be wounded. She tiptoed about the palace, silent, bewildered, clinging only to her sense of duty and her loyalty to her "mother in the Lord," Madre María del Pilar, who had sent her there.

A few of Pepita's challenges were physical: for example, the servants in the house took advantage of Doña María's illness; they opened the palace bedrooms to their relatives; they stole without hesitation. Alone, Pepita stood against them and endured a barrage of small annoyances and practical jokes. Her mind, too, faced its struggles: when she accompanied Doña María on errands in the city, the older woman would often feel the urge to rush into a church, as she had replaced the faith she had lost with a version of religion that felt magical. "Stay here in the sunlight, my dear child; I won’t be long," she would say. Doña María would then lose herself in thought before the altar and exit the church through a different door. Pepita had been raised by Madre María del Pilar to be almost obsessively obedient, and after many hours of waiting, when she finally ventured into the church to make sure her mistress was gone, she still returned to the street corner and waited while shadows gradually covered the square. While waiting in public, she experienced all the agony of a little girl's self-consciousness. She still wore the orphanage uniform (which a moment's consideration from Doña María could have changed) and suffered from illusions where men seemed to be staring at her and whispering—though these were not always just illusions. Her heart ached too, as on some days Doña María would suddenly notice her and engage her warmly and humorously, revealing for a few hours the delicate sensitivity of the Letters; then, the next day, she would retreat into herself again and, while never unkind, would become distant and unseeing. The budding hope and affection that Pepita desperately needed to express would feel wounded. She tiptoed around the palace, quiet, confused, holding onto her sense of duty and her loyalty to her "mother in the Lord," Madre María del Pilar, who had sent her there.

* * * * * * *

Finally a new fact appeared that was to have considerable effect on the lives of both the Marquesa and her companion: "My dear mother," wrote the Condesa, "the weather has been most exhausting and the fact that the orchards and gardens are in bloom only makes it the more trying. I could endure flowers if only they had no perfume. I shall therefore ask your permission to write you at less length than usual. If Vicente returns before the post leaves he will be delighted to finish out the leaf and supply you with those tiresome details about myself which you seem to enjoy so. I shall not go to Grignan in Provence as I expected this Fall, as child will be born in early October."

Finally, a new fact came to light that would significantly impact the lives of both the Marquesa and her companion: "My dear mother," the Condesa wrote, "the weather has been really exhausting, and the fact that the orchards and gardens are in bloom only makes it harder. I could handle flowers if they didn’t have any scent. So, I’m going to ask your permission to write you a shorter letter than usual. If Vicente returns before the post leaves, he’ll be happy to finish the letter and update you with those tedious details about myself that you seem to enjoy so much. I won’t be going to Grignan in Provence as I had planned this fall, because a child will be born in early October."

What child? The Marquesa leaned against the wall. Doña Clara had foreseen the exhausting importunities that this news would waken in her mother and had sought to mitigate them by the casualness of her announcement. The ruse did not succeed. The famous Letter XLII was the answer.

What child? The Marquesa leaned against the wall. Doña Clara had anticipated the relentless questions this news would trigger in her mother and had tried to ease them by the way she announced it. The trick didn’t work. The famous Letter XLII was the response.

Now at length the Marquesa had something to be anxious about: her daughter was to become a mother. This event, which merely bored Doña Clara, discovered a whole new scale of emotions in the Marquesa. She became a mine of medical knowledge and suggestion. She combed the city for wise old women and poured into her letters the whole folk-wisdom of the New World. She fell into the most abominable superstition. She practiced a degrading system of taboos for her child's protection. She refused to allow a knot in the house. The maids were forbidden to tie up their hair and she concealed upon her person ridiculous symbols of a happy delivery. On the stairs the even steps were marked with red chalk and a maid who accidentally stepped upon an even step was driven from the house with tears and screams. Doña Clara was in the hands of malignant Nature who reserves the right to inflict upon her children the most terrifying jests. There was an etiquette of propitiation which generations of peasant women had found comforting. So vast an army of witnesses surely implied that there was some truth in it. At least it could do no harm, and Perhaps it did good. But the Marquesa did not only satisfy the rites of paganism; she studied the prescriptions of Christianity as well. She arose in the dark and stumbled through the streets to the earliest Masses. She hysterically hugged the altar-rails trying to rend from the gaudy statuettes a sign, only a sign, the ghost of a smile, the furtive nod of a waxen head. Would all be well? Sweet, sweet Mother, would all be well?

Now, finally, the Marquesa had something to worry about: her daughter was going to become a mother. This situation, which merely bored Doña Clara, opened up a whole new range of emotions for the Marquesa. She became a fountain of medical knowledge and suggestions. She scoured the city for wise old women and filled her letters with all the folk wisdom of the New World. She fell into the most terrible superstitions. She enforced a degrading set of taboos for her child's protection. She refused to allow any knots in the house. The maids weren't allowed to tie their hair up, and she hid ridiculous symbols of a safe delivery on her person. On the stairs, the even steps were marked with red chalk, and any maid who accidentally stepped on an even step was kicked out of the house amidst tears and screams. Doña Clara was at the mercy of a cruel nature that has the right to play terrifying tricks on her children. There was a set of rituals for appeasement that generations of peasant women had found reassuring. Such a vast number of witnesses surely implied some truth in it. At the very least, it couldn't hurt, and maybe it would help. But the Marquesa didn't just engage in pagan rituals; she also studied the teachings of Christianity. She would get up in the dark and stumble through the streets to the earliest Masses. She would frantically hug the altar rails, desperate to get a sign, just a sign, the ghost of a smile, the secret nod of a waxen head. Would everything be okay? Sweet, sweet Mother, would everything be okay?

At times, after a day's frantic resort to such invocations, a revulsion would sweep over her. Nature is deaf. God is indifferent. Nothing in man's power can alter the course of law. Then on some street-corner she would stop, dizzy with despair, and leaning against a wall would long to be taken from a world that had no plan in it. But soon a belief in the great Perhaps would surge up from the depths of her nature and she would fairly run home to renew the candles above her daughter's bed.

At times, after a frantic day of desperate appeals, a wave of revulsion would wash over her. Nature is unresponsive. God is indifferent. Nothing humans can do can change the laws that govern us. Then, on some street corner, she would stop, feeling overwhelmed by despair, and leaning against a wall, she would long to escape from a world that seemed chaotic. But soon, a belief in the great Maybe would rise up from within her, and she would rush home to relight the candles above her daughter's bed.

At last the time came to satisfy the supreme rite of Peruvian households looking forward to this event: she made the pilgrimage to the shrine of Santa María de Cluxambuqua. If there resided any efficacy in devotion at all, surely it lay in a visit to this great shrine. The ground had been holy through three religions; even before the Incan civilization distraught human beings had hugged the rocks and lashed themselves with whips to wring their will from the skies. Thither the Marquesa was carried in her chair, crossing the bridge of San Luis Rey and ascending up into the hills toward that city of large-girdled women, a tranquil town, slow-moving and slow-smiling; a city of crystal air, cold as the springs that fed its many fountains; a city of bells, soft and musical, and tuned to carry on with one another the happiest quarrels. If anything turned out for disappointment in the town of Cluxambuqua the grief was somehow assimilated by the overwhelming immanence of the Andes and by the weather of quiet joy that flowed in and about the side-streets. No sooner did the Marquesa see from a distance the white walls of this town perched on the knees of the highest peaks than her fingers ceased turning the beads and the busy prayers of her fright were cut short on her lips.

At last, the moment arrived to fulfill the ultimate tradition of Peruvian households anticipating this event: she made the journey to the shrine of Santa María de Cluxambuqua. If there was any power in devotion at all, it surely lay in a visit to this sacred place. The ground had been considered holy through three religions; even before the Incan civilization, desperate people had embraced the rocks and whipped themselves to demand their wishes from the heavens. The Marquesa was carried in her chair, crossing the San Luis Rey bridge and climbing into the hills toward that town of strong women, a peaceful place, slow-moving and always smiling; a town with crystal-clear air, as cold as the springs that fed its many fountains; a city of soft, musical bells, harmoniously engaging in joyful disputes. If anything brought disappointment in Cluxambuqua, the sadness was somehow absorbed by the massive presence of the Andes and the atmosphere of quiet happiness that flowed through the side streets. No sooner did the Marquesa see the white walls of this town, nestled at the base of the highest peaks, than her fingers stopped moving the beads and her anxious prayers came to a halt on her lips.

She did not even alight at the inn, but leaving Pepita to arrange for their stay she went on to the church and knelt for a long time patting her hands softly together. She was listening to the new tide of resignation that was rising within her. Perhaps she would learn in time to permit both her daughter and her gods to govern their own affairs. She was not annoyed by the whispering of the old women in padded garments who sold candles and medals and talked about money from dawn to dark. She was not even distracted by an officious sacristan who tried to collect a fee for something or other and who, from spite, made her change her place under the pretext of repairing a tile on the floor. Presently she went out into the sunshine and sat on the steps of the fountain. She watched the little processions of invalids slowly revolving about the gardens. She watched three hawks plunging about the sky. The children who had been playing by the fountain stared at her for a moment, and went away alarmed, but a llama (a lady with a long neck and sweet shallow eyes, burdened down by a fur cape too heavy for her and picking her way delicately down an interminable staircase) came over and offered her a velvet cleft nose to stroke. The llama is deeply interested in the men about her, is even fond of pretending that she too is one of them and of inserting her head into their conversations as though in a moment she would lift her voice and contribute a wan and helpful comment. Soon Doña María was surrounded by a number of these sisters who seemed on the point of asking her why she clapped her hands so and how much her veiling cost a yard.

She didn't even stop at the inn. While Pepita handled their stay, she went straight to the church and knelt there for a long time, softly rubbing her hands together. She was absorbing the fresh wave of acceptance building inside her. Maybe, in time, she'd learn to let both her daughter and her gods run their own lives. The whispers of the old women in padded clothes selling candles and medals, who chatted about money from dawn to dusk, didn't bother her. She wasn't even distracted by an overly eager sacristan trying to collect a fee for something or other, who, out of spite, made her change her spot under the excuse of fixing a tile on the floor. Eventually, she stepped out into the sunshine and sat on the steps of the fountain. She watched the little processions of the sick slowly moving around the gardens. She observed three hawks soaring through the sky. The children playing by the fountain stared at her for a moment before leaving in fear, but a llama (a woman with a long neck and gentle, shallow eyes, weighed down by a fur cape that's too heavy for her and carefully navigating an endless staircase) approached and offered her a velvet nose to pet. The llama was very curious about the men around her, even pretending to be one of them, inserting her head into their conversations as if she might at any moment chime in with a weak but helpful comment. Soon, Doña María found herself surrounded by several of these women who seemed ready to ask her why she clapped her hands like that and how much her veil cost per yard.

Doña María had arranged that any letters arriving from Spain should be brought to her at once by a special messenger. She had travelled slowly from Lima and even now as she sat in the square a boy from her farm ran up and put into her hand a large packet wrapped in parchment and dangling some nuggets of sealing-wax. Slowly she undid the wrappings. With measured stoic gestures she read first an affectionate and jocose note from her son-in-law; then her daughter's letter. It was full of wounding remarks rather brilliantly said, perhaps said for the sheer virtuosity of giving pain neatly. Each of its phrases found its way through the eyes of the Marquesa, then, carefully wrapped in understanding and forgiveness it sank into her heart. At last she arose, gently dispersed the sympathetic llamas, and with a grave face returned to the shrine.

Doña María had arranged for any letters arriving from Spain to be delivered to her immediately by a special messenger. She had traveled slowly from Lima, and now, as she sat in the square, a boy from her farm ran up and handed her a large packet wrapped in parchment, with some sealing wax dangling from it. She slowly unwrapped it. With deliberate, calm gestures, she first read an affectionate and humorous note from her son-in-law; then she read her daughter's letter. It was filled with cutting remarks, expressed with a certain skill, perhaps just for the sake of the art of causing pain. Each phrase pierced through the eyes of the Marquesa, and then, carefully wrapped in understanding and forgiveness, it sank into her heart. Finally, she stood up, gently brushed aside the sympathetic llamas, and with a serious expression, made her way back to the shrine.

While Doña María was passing the late afternoon in the Church and in the Square, Pepita was left to prepare their lodging. She showed the porters where to lay down the great wicker hampers and set about unpacking the altar, the brazier, the tapestries and the portraits of Doña Clara. She descended into the kitchen and gave the cook exact instructions as to the preparations of a certain porridge upon which the Marquesa principally subsisted. Then she returned to the rooms and waited. She resolved to write a letter to the Abbess. She hung for a long time over the quill, staring into the distance with trembling lip. She saw the face of Madre María del Pilar, so red and scrubbed, and the wonderful black eyes. She heard her voice as at the close of supper (the orphans sitting with lowered eyes and folded hands) she commented on the events of the day, or as, by candlelight, she stood among the beds of the hospital and announced the theme for meditation during the night. But most clearly of all Pepita remembered the sudden interviews when the Abbess (not daring to wait until the girl was older) had discussed with her the duties of her office. She had talked to Pepita as to an equal. Such speech is troubling and wonderful to an intelligent child and Madre María del Pilar had abused it. She had expanded Pepita's vision of how she should feel and act beyond the measure of her years. And she had unthinkingly turned upon Pepita the full blaze of her personality, as Jupiter had turned his upon Semele. Pepita was frightened by her sense of insufficiency; she hid it and wept. And then the Abbess had cast the child into the discipline of this long solitude, where Pepita struggled, refusing to let herself believe that she had been abandoned. And now from this strange inn in these strange mountains, where the altitude was making her lightheaded, Pepita longed for the dear presence, the only real thing in her life.

While Doña María spent the late afternoon at the church and in the square, Pepita stayed back to set up their lodging. She directed the porters on where to place the large wicker baskets and started unpacking the altar, the brazier, the tapestries, and the portraits of Doña Clara. She went down to the kitchen and gave the cook specific instructions for preparing a particular porridge that the Marquesa mainly relied on. Then she returned to the rooms and waited. She decided to write a letter to the Abbess. She hovered over the quill for a long time, staring off into the distance with a trembling lip. She pictured Madre María del Pilar’s face, so red and scrubbed, and her wonderful black eyes. She could hear her voice as, at the end of supper (with the orphans sitting with their eyes down and hands folded), she reflected on the day's events or as, by candlelight, she stood among the hospital beds and shared the theme for meditation that night. But what stood out most for Pepita were the sudden meetings when the Abbess (not waiting for the girl to grow older) had talked to her about the duties of her role. She spoke to Pepita as if they were equals. Such conversations are both troubling and amazing for a smart child, and Madre María del Pilar had taken advantage of that. She had broadened Pepita's understanding of how she should feel and act beyond what was appropriate for her age. And she had unwittingly directed the full force of her personality at Pepita, much like Jupiter did to Semele. Pepita felt overwhelmed by her sense of inadequacy; she hid it and cried. Then the Abbess had thrown the child into the discipline of this long solitude, where Pepita struggled, refusing to accept that she had been abandoned. Now, from this strange inn in these unfamiliar mountains, where the altitude was making her feel dizzy, Pepita longed for the dear presence, the only real thing in her life.




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She wrote a letter, all inkstains and incoherence. Then she went downstairs to see about fresh charcoal and to taste the porridge.

She wrote a letter, full of ink stains and jumbled thoughts. Then she went downstairs to check on fresh charcoal and to try the porridge.

The Marquesa came in and sat down at the table. "I can do no more. What will be, will be," she whispered. She unbound from her neck the amulets of her superstition and dropped them into the glowing brazier. She had a strange sense of having antagonized God by too much prayer and so addressed Him now obliquely. "After all it is in the hands of another. I no longer claim the least influence. What will be, will be." She sat for a long time, her palms against her cheeks, making a blank of her mind. Her eyes fell on Pepita's letter. She opened it mechanically and started to read. She had read a full half of it before her attention was aware of the meaning of the words: "... but all this is nothing if you like me and wish me to stay with her. I oughtn't to tell you but every now and then the bad chambermaids lock me up in rooms and steal things and perhaps My Lady will think that I steal them. I hope not. I hope you are well and not having any trouble in the hospital or anywhere. Though I never see you I think of you all the time and I remember what you told me, my dear mother in God. I want to do only what you want, but if you could let me come back for a few days to the convent, but not if you do not wish it. But I am so much alone and not talking to anyone, and everything. Sometimes I do not know whether you have forgotten me and if you could find a minute to write me a little letter or something, I could keep it, but I know how busy you are...."

The Marquesa walked in and sat down at the table. "I can’t do anything more. What will be, will be," she whispered. She took off the amulets of her superstition from around her neck and dropped them into the glowing brazier. She felt a strange sense of having upset God by praying too much, so she spoke to Him indirectly now. "After all, it’s in someone else’s hands. I no longer claim any influence. What will be, will be." She sat for a long while, her palms against her cheeks, trying to clear her mind. Her eyes landed on Pepita's letter. She opened it absentmindedly and began to read. She had read halfway through before she registered the meaning of the words: "... but all this is nothing if you like me and want me to stay with her. I shouldn’t tell you, but every now and then, the bad chambermaids lock me in rooms and steal things, and maybe My Lady will think I’m the one stealing them. I hope not. I hope you are well and not having any trouble in the hospital or anywhere. Even though I never see you, I think about you all the time, and I remember what you told me, my dear mother in God. I want to do only what you want, but if you could let me come back to the convent for a few days, but only if you don’t mind. But I’m so lonely and not talking to anyone, and everything. Sometimes I wonder if you’ve forgotten me, and if you could find a moment to write me a little letter or something, I could keep it, but I know how busy you are...."

Doña María read no further. She folded the letter and put it aside. For a moment she was filled with envy: she longed to command another's soul as completely as this nun was able to do. Most of all she longed to be back in this simplicity of love, to throw off the burden of pride and vanity that hers had always carried. To quiet the tumult in her mind she picked up a book of devotion and tried to fix her attention upon the words. But after a moment she suddenly felt the need to reread the whole letter, to surprise, if possible, the secret of so much felicity.

Doña María didn’t read any further. She folded the letter and set it aside. For a moment, she was consumed with envy; she wished she could control someone else's heart as completely as this nun could. More than anything, she yearned to return to that simple kind of love, to shed the weight of pride and vanity that she had always carried. To quiet the chaos in her head, she picked up a book of devotion and tried to focus on the words. But after a moment, she suddenly felt the urge to reread the entire letter, hoping to uncover the secret to such happiness.

Pepita returned bringing the supper in her hands, followed by a maid. Doña María watched her over the top of her book as she would have watched a visitor from Heaven. Pepita tiptoed about the room laying the table and whispering directions to her assistant.

Pepita came back carrying dinner in her hands, followed by a maid. Doña María watched her over the top of her book as if she were a visitor from Heaven. Pepita tiptoed around the room setting the table and quietly giving instructions to her assistant.

"Your supper is ready, My Lady," she said at last.

"Your dinner is ready, My Lady," she finally said.

"But, my child, you are going to eat with me?" In Lima Pepita generally sat down at the table with her mistress.

"But, my child, are you going to eat with me?" In Lima, Pepita usually sat at the table with her boss.

"I thought you would be tired, My Lady. I had my supper downstairs."

"I thought you might be tired, My Lady. I had dinner downstairs."

"She does not wish to eat with me," thought the Marquesa. "She knows me and has rejected me."

"She doesn't want to eat with me," thought the Marquesa. "She knows me and has turned me down."

"Would you like me to read aloud to you while you are eating, My Lady?" asked Pepita, who felt that she had made a mistake.

"Do you want me to read to you while you eat, My Lady?" asked Pepita, realizing she had messed up.

"No. You may go to bed, if you choose."

"No. You can go to bed if you want."

"Thank you, My Lady."

"Thank you, my lady."

Doña María had risen and approached the table. With one hand on the back of the chair she said haltingly: "My dear child, I am sending off a letter to Lima in the morning. If you have one you can enclose it with mine."

Doña María had gotten up and walked over to the table. With one hand on the back of the chair, she said hesitantly, "My dear child, I'm sending a letter to Lima in the morning. If you have one, you can include it with mine."

"No, I have none," said Pepita. She added hastily: "I must go downstairs and get you the new charcoal."

"No, I don't have any," said Pepita. She quickly added, "I need to go downstairs and get you the new charcoal."

"But, my dear, you have one for ... Madre María del Pilar. Wouldn't you ...?"

"But, my dear, you have one for ... Madre María del Pilar. Wouldn't you ...?"

Pepita pretended to be busy over the brazier. "No, I'm not going to send it," she said. She was aware during the long pause that followed that the Marquesa was staring at her in stupefaction. "I've changed my mind."

Pepita acted like she was focused on the brazier. "No, I'm not going to send it," she said. She noticed during the long pause that followed that the Marquesa was looking at her in shock. "I've changed my mind."

"I know she would like a letter from you, Pepita. It would make her very happy. I know."

"I know she'd love a letter from you, Pepita. It would make her really happy. I know."

Pepita was reddening. She said loudly: "The innkeeper said that there would be some new charcoal ready for you at dark. I'll tell them to bring it up now." She glanced hastily at the old woman and saw that she had not ceased from staring at her with great sad inquiring eyes. Pepita felt that these were not things one talked about, but the strange woman seemed to be feeling the matter so strongly that Pepita was willing to concede one more answer: "No, it was a bad letter. It wasn't a good letter."

Pepita was blushing. She said loudly, "The innkeeper mentioned that there would be some new charcoal ready for you by dark. I'll ask them to bring it up now." She quickly glanced at the old woman and saw that she hadn’t stopped staring at her with sad, questioning eyes. Pepita felt that these weren’t things to discuss, but the strange woman seemed affected by it so deeply that Pepita was willing to give one more reply: "No, it was a bad letter. It wasn't a good letter."

Doña María fairly gasped. "Why, my dear Pepita, I think it was very beautiful. Believe me, I know. No, no; what could have made it a bad letter?"

Doña María gasped in surprise. "Oh my dear Pepita, I think it was very beautiful. Trust me, I know. No, no; what could have made it a bad letter?"

Pepita frowned, hunting for a word that would close the matter.

Pepita frowned, searching for a word that would put an end to the discussion.

"It wasn't ... it wasn't ... brave," she said. And then she would say no more. She carried the letter off into her own room and could be heard tearing it up. Then she got into bed and lay staring into the darkness, still uncomfortable at having talked in such a fashion. And Doña María sat down to her dish amazed.

"It wasn't ... it wasn't ... brave," she said. Then she fell silent. She took the letter into her room and you could hear her ripping it apart. After that, she got into bed and lay there staring into the darkness, still uneasy about having spoken like that. And Doña María sat down to her meal, astonished.

She had never brought courage to either life or love. Her eyes ransacked her heart. She thought of the amulets and of her beads, her drunkenness ... she thought of her daughter. She remembered the long relationship, crowded with the wreckage of exhumed conversations, of fancied slights, of inopportune confidences, of charges of neglect and exclusion (but she must have been mad that day; she remembered beating upon the table). "But it's not my fault," she cried. "It's not my fault that I was so. It was circumstance. It was the way I was brought up. Tomorrow I begin a new life. Wait and see, oh my child." At I last she cleared away the table and sitting down wrote what she called her first letter, her first stumbling misspelled letter in courage. She remembered with shame that in the previous one she had piteously asked her daughter how much she loved her, and had greedily quoted the few and hesitant endearments that Doña Clara had lately ventured to her. Doña María could not recall those pages, but she could write some new ones, free and generous. No one else has regarded them as stumbling. It is the famous letter LVI, known to the Encyclopedists as her Second Corinthians because of its immortal paragraph about love: "Of the thousands of persons we meet in a lifetime, my child ..." and so on. It was almost dawn when she finished the letter. She opened the door upon her balcony and looked at the great tiers of stars that glittered above the Andes. Throughout the hours of the night, though there had been few to hear it, the whole sky had been loud with the singing of these constellations. Then she took a candle into the next room and looked at Pepita as she slept, and pushed back the damp hair from the girl's face. "Let me live now," she whispered. "Let me begin again."

She had never shown courage in life or love. Her eyes searched her heart. She thought about the charms and her beads, her moments of drunkenness... she thought about her daughter. She remembered the long relationship, filled with the debris of old conversations, imagined slights, inappropriate secrets, accusations of neglect and exclusion (but she must have been out of her mind that day; she recalled hitting the table). "But it's not my fault," she cried. "It's not my fault that I was like this. It was circumstance. It was how I was raised. Tomorrow, I will start a new life. Just wait and see, oh my child." At last, she cleared the table and sat down to write what she called her first letter, her first awkwardly misspelled letter in courage. She remembered with shame that in the last one, she had desperately asked her daughter how much she loved her and had greedily repeated the few hesitant terms of endearment that Doña Clara had recently shared with her. Doña María couldn't recall those pages, but she could write some new ones, open and generous. No one else considered them awkward. It's the famous letter LVI, known to the Encyclopedists as her Second Corinthians because of its timeless paragraph about love: "Of the thousands of people we meet in a lifetime, my child..." and so on. It was almost dawn when she finished the letter. She opened the door to her balcony and gazed at the vast sky of stars sparkling above the Andes. Throughout the night, even though few had heard it, the entire sky had been alive with the songs of those constellations. Then she took a candle into the next room, looked at Pepita as she slept, and brushed the damp hair from the girl's face. "Let me live now," she whispered. "Let me start again."

Two days later they started back to Lima, and while crossing the bridge of San Luis Rey the accident which we know befell them.

Two days later, they headed back to Lima, and while crossing the San Luis Rey bridge, the accident that we know happened to them occurred.




250







PART THREE: ESTEBAN

PART THREE: ESTEBAN



ONE morning twin boys were discovered in the foundlings' basket before the door of the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas. Names were found for them almost before the arrival of the wet-nurse, but the names were not as useful to them as our names are to most of us, for no one ever succeeded in telling the boys apart. There was no way of knowing who their parents were, but Limean gossips, noticing as the boys grew older how straight they held themselves and how silent and sombre they were, declared them to be Castilian and laid them in turn at all sorts of crested doorways. The person in the world who came nearest to being their guardian was the Abbess of the Convent. Madre María del Pilar had come to hate all men, but she grew fond of Manuel and Esteban. In the late afternoon she would call them into her office, send for some cakes from the kitchen, and tell them stories about the Cid and Judas Maccabeus and the thirty-six misfortunes of Harlequin. She grew to love them so, that she would catch herself gazing deep into their black and frowning eyes, looking for those traits that would appear when they grew to be men, all that ugliness, all that soullessness that made hideous the world she worked in. They grew up about the convent until they were a little past the age when their presence began to be a slight distraction to the dedicated sisters. From thence they became vaguely attached to all the sacristies in town: they trimmed all the cloister hedges; they polished every possible crucifix; they passed a damp cloth once a year over most of the ecclesiastical ceilings. All Lima knew them well. When the priest rushed through the streets carrying his precious burden into a sickroom either Esteban or Manuel was to be seen striding behind him, swinging a censer. As they grew older, however, they showed no desire for the clerical life. They gradually assumed the profession of the scribe. There were few printing presses in the New World and the boys soon made a fair living transcribing comedies for the theatre, ballads for the crowds, and advertisements for the merchants. Above all they were the copyists of the choirmasters and made endless parts of the motets of Morales and Vittoria.

ONE morning, twin boys were found in the foundlings' basket at the door of the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas. They were given names almost before the wet-nurse arrived, but those names weren't helpful to them like names usually are, because no one ever managed to tell the boys apart. There was no way to know who their parents were, but the gossip in Lima, noticing how the boys grew up standing tall and being quiet and serious, declared them to be Castilian and claimed they belonged to various prominent families. The person who came closest to being their guardian was the Abbess of the Convent. Madre María del Pilar had come to despise all men, but she grew fond of Manuel and Esteban. In the late afternoons, she would call them into her office, order some pastries from the kitchen, and tell them stories about the Cid, Judas Maccabeus, and the thirty-six misfortunes of Harlequin. She grew to love them so much that she would find herself staring deep into their black, serious eyes, searching for the traits that would show up when they became men, all the flaws, all the emptiness that made the world she lived in so ugly. They grew up around the convent until they were slightly older, when their presence started being a minor distraction to the devoted sisters. From there, they became loosely connected to all the sacristies in town: they trimmed the cloister hedges, polished every crucifix they could find, and dusted most of the church ceilings once a year. All of Lima knew them well. When a priest rushed through the streets carrying his precious load into a sickroom, either Esteban or Manuel could be seen striding behind him, swinging a censer. However, as they aged, they showed no interest in a religious life. They gradually took up the profession of scribe. With few printing presses in the New World, the boys quickly made a decent living transcribing plays for the theaters, ballads for the people, and advertisements for local merchants. Above all, they were the copyists for the choirmasters, creating countless parts for the motets of Morales and Vittoria.




300



Because they had no family, because they were twins, and because they were brought up by women, they were silent. There was in them a curious shame in regard to their resemblance. They had to live in a world where it was the subject of continual comment and joking. It was never funny to them and they suffered the eternal pleasantries with stolid patience. From the years when they first learned to speak they invented a secret language for themselves, one that was scarcely dependent on the Spanish for its vocabulary, or even for its syntax. They resorted to it only when they were alone, or at great intervals in moments of stress whispered it in the presence of others. The Archbishop of Lima was something of a philologist; he dabbled in dialects; he had even evolved quite a brilliant table for the vowel and consonant changes from Latin into Spanish and from Spanish into Indian-Spanish. He was storing up notebooks of quaint lore against an amusing old age he planned to offer himself back on his estates outside Segovia. So when he heard one day about the secret language of the twin brothers, he trimmed some quills and sent for them. The boys stood humiliated upon the rich carpets of his study while he tried to extract from them their bread and tree and their I see and I saw. They did not know why the experience was I so horrible to them. They bled. Long shocked silences followed each of the Archbishop's questions, until finally one or the other mumbled an answer. The priest thought for a while that they were merely in awe before his rank and before the luxury of his apartment, but at last, much perplexed, he divined the presence of some deeper reluctance and sadly let them go.

Because they had no family, because they were twins, and because they were raised by women, they were quiet. There was a strange shame in how they looked alike. They had to navigate a world where their resemblance was constantly commented on and joked about. It was never amusing to them, and they endured the endless remarks with stoic patience. From the time they first learned to speak, they created a secret language just for themselves, one that relied little on Spanish for its vocabulary or structure. They only used it when they were alone or, during rare stressful moments, whispered it in front of others. The Archbishop of Lima had an interest in language; he dabbled in dialects and had even developed a clever chart for the vowel and consonant changes from Latin to Spanish and from Spanish to Indian-Spanish. He was filling notebooks with interesting information for an enjoyable old age he envisioned back on his estates outside Segovia. So, when he heard about the twin brothers' secret language, he prepared some quills and summoned them. The boys stood embarrassed on the luxurious carpets of his study while he tried to get them to say their bread and tree and their I see and I saw. They didn’t understand why this experience was so terrible for them. They were uncomfortable. Awkward silence lingered after each of the Archbishop's questions, until finally, one of them muttered a response. For a while, the priest thought they were just awestruck by his status and the luxury of his room, but eventually, he sadly realized there was a deeper reluctance and let them leave.

This language was the symbol of their profound identity with one another, for just as resignation was a word insufficient to describe the spiritual change that came over the Marquesa de Montemayor on that night in the inn at Cluxambuqua, so love is inadequate to describe the tacit almost ashamed oneness of these brothers. What relationship is it in which few words are exchanged, and those only about the details of food, clothing and occupation; in which the two persons have a curious reluctance even to glance at one another; and in which there is a tacit arrangement not to appear together in the city and to go on the same errand by different streets? And yet side by side with this there existed a need of one another so terrible that it produced miracles as naturally as the charged air of a sultry day produces lightning. The brothers were scarcely aware of it themselves, but telepathy was a common occurrence in their lives, and when one returned home the other was always aware of it when his brother was still several streets away.

This language represented their deep connection with each other. Just like "resignation" doesn’t capture the spiritual transformation the Marquesa de Montemayor experienced that night in the inn at Cluxambuqua, "love" falls short of expressing the unspoken, almost shy bond between these brothers. What kind of relationship is it where few words are shared, and those are only about food, clothing, and work? Where both individuals seem strangely hesitant to even look at each other, and there’s an unspoken agreement to avoid being seen together in the city, taking different routes for the same errands? Yet alongside this, there was an intense need for each other that created miracles just as naturally as the humid air on a muggy day creates lightning. The brothers barely recognized it themselves, but telepathy was a regular part of their lives; when one returned home, the other always sensed it even when his brother was still several streets away.

Suddenly they discovered that they were tired of writing. They went down to the sea and found an occupation in loading and unloading vessels, not ashamed of working side by side with Indians. They drove teams across the provinces. They picked fruit. They were ferrymen. And always they were silent. Their sombre faces took on from these labors a male and gypsy cast. Their hair was seldom cut and under the dark mat their eyes looked up suddenly surprised and a little sullen. All the world was remote and strange and hostile except one's brother.

Suddenly, they realized they were tired of writing. They went down to the sea and found work loading and unloading ships, not ashamed to work alongside the Indigenous people. They drove teams across the provinces. They picked fruit. They worked as ferrymen. And they were always quiet. Their serious faces took on a rugged, gypsy look from these labors. Their hair was rarely cut, and under the dark mess, their eyes looked up, surprised and a bit sullen. The whole world felt distant, strange, and unfriendly, except for their brother.

But at last the first shadow fell across this unity and the shadow was cast by the love of women. They had returned to the city and resumed the copying of parts for the theatre. One night the manager, foreseeing a thinning house, gave them a free admission. The boys did not like what they found there. Even speech was for them a debased form of silence; how much more futile is poetry which is a debased form of speech. All those allusions to honour, reputation, and the flame of love, all the metaphors about birds, Achilles and the jewels of Ceylon were fatiguing. In the presence of literature they had the same darkling intelligence that stirs for a time behind the eyes of a dog, but they sat on patiently, gazing at the bright candles and the rich clothes. Between the acts of the comedy the Perichole stepped out of her rôle, put on twelve petticoats and danced before the curtain. Esteban had some copying still to do, or pretended so, and went home early; but Manuel stayed on. The red stockings and shoes of the Perichole had made their impression.

But finally, the first shadow fell over this unity, and that shadow was the love of women. They had come back to the city and picked up the work of copying parts for the theater. One night, the manager, anticipating a decline in attendance, offered them free admission. The boys were disappointed by what they found there. Even talking felt to them like a poor excuse for silence; how much more pointless was poetry, which was just a diluted form of speech. All those references to honor, reputation, and the flame of love, along with the metaphors about birds, Achilles, and the jewels of Ceylon, were exhausting. In the presence of literature, they had the same dim awareness that flickers for a moment behind a dog's eyes, yet they sat there patiently, staring at the bright candles and the fancy clothes. Between the acts of the comedy, the Perichole stepped out of her role, put on twelve petticoats, and danced in front of the curtain. Esteban had some copying left to do, or at least pretended he did, and went home early; but Manuel stayed. The red stockings and shoes of the Perichole had made an impression on him.

Both brothers had fetched and carried their manuscripts up and down the dusty stairs behind the stage. There they had seen an irritable girl in a soiled bodice mending her stockings before a mirror while her stage director read aloud her lines for memorization. She had let fall upon the boys for a moment the detonation of her amazing eyes, immediately dissipated in her amused recognition that they were twins. Forthwith she had dragged them into the room and placed them side by side. Carefully, amusedly and remorselessly she had peered into every square inch of their faces, until finally laying one hand on Esteban's shoulder she had cried out: "This one is the younger!" That had been several years before and neither brother had thought of the episode again.

Both brothers had carried their manuscripts up and down the dusty stairs behind the stage. There, they saw an annoyed girl in a dirty bodice fixing her stockings in front of a mirror while her stage director read her lines out loud for her to memorize. For a moment, she had shot a glance at the boys with her striking eyes, which quickly turned into an amused acknowledgment that they were twins. Then she dragged them into the room and positioned them side by side. Curiously, playfully, and without any shame, she examined every inch of their faces until finally, placing a hand on Esteban's shoulder, she exclaimed, "This one is the younger!" That had been several years ago, and neither brother had thought about the incident since.

Henceforth all Manuel's errands seemed to lead him past the theatre. Late at night he would drift about among the trees beneath her dressing-room window. It was not the first time that Manuel had been fascinated by a woman (both brothers had possessed women, and often, especially during their years at the waterfront; but simply, latinly), but it was the first time that his will and imagination had been thus overwhelmed. He had lost that privilege of simple nature, the dissociation of love and pleasure. Pleasure was no longer as simple as eating; it was being complicated by love. Now was beginning that crazy loss of one's self, that neglect of everything but one's dramatic thoughts about the beloved, that feverish inner life all turning upon the Perichole and which would so have astonished and disgusted her had she been permitted to divine it. This Manuel had not fallen in love through any imitation of literature. It was not of him, at all events, that the bitterest tongue in France had remarked only fifty years before: that many people would never have fallen in love if they had not heard about it. Manuel read little; he had only been once to the theatre (where above all there reigns the legend that love is a devotion) and the Peruvian tavern-songs that he might have heard, unlike those of Spain, reflected very little of the romantic cult of an idealized woman. When he said over to himself that she was beautiful and rich and fatiguingly witty and the Viceroy's mistress, none of these attributes that made her less obtainable had the power to quench his curious and tender excitement. So he leaned against the trees in the dark, his knuckles between his teeth, and listened to his loud heart-beats.

From now on, all of Manuel's errands seemed to take him past the theater. Late at night, he would wander among the trees beneath her dressing-room window. It wasn't the first time Manuel had been captivated by a woman (both brothers had had their share of women, especially during their years by the waterfront; but it was all very straightforward and Latin), but it was the first time his will and imagination had been so completely taken over. He had lost that simple joy of love and pleasure being separate. Pleasure was no longer as easy as eating; it was getting complicated by love. Now began that wild loss of self, that disregard for everything except his intense thoughts about her, that feverish inner life revolving entirely around the Perichole, which would have shocked and disgusted her if she had been able to sense it. This was not a case of Manuel falling in love due to some literary influence. It was definitely not him that the most cynical critic in France had noted only fifty years earlier: that many people would never have fallen in love if they hadn’t heard about it. Manuel didn’t read much; he had only been to the theater once (where they mostly push the idea that love is a form of devotion), and the Peruvian tavern songs he might have encountered, unlike those of Spain, hardly reflected the romantic notion of an idealized woman. When he reminded himself that she was beautiful, wealthy, impressively witty, and the Viceroy’s mistress, none of these features that made her less accessible could dim the curious and tender thrill he felt. So he leaned against the trees in the darkness, his knuckles between his teeth, and listened to the pounding of his heart.

But the life that Esteban was leading had been full enough for him. There was no room in his imagination for a new loyalty, not because his heart was less large than Manuel's, but because it was of a simpler texture. Now he discovered that secret from which one never quite recovers, that even in the most perfect love one person loves less profoundly than the other. There may be two equally good, equally gifted, equally beautiful, but there may never be two that love one another equally well. So Esteban sat up in their room by a guttering candle, his knuckles between his teeth, and wondered why Manuel was so changed and why the whole meaning had gone out of their life.

But the life that Esteban was living had been fulfilling enough for him. There was no space in his mind for a new loyalty, not because he had a smaller heart than Manuel's, but because his was simpler. Now he realized that painful truth from which one never fully recovers—that even in the most perfect love, one person loves less deeply than the other. There might be two equally good, talented, and beautiful people, but there can never be two who love each other equally well. So Esteban sat up in their room by a flickering candle, his knuckles between his teeth, and wondered why Manuel had changed so much and why the whole meaning had disappeared from their life.

One evening Manuel was stopped on the street by a small boy who announced to him that the Perichole wished him to call upon her at once. Manuel turned in his path and went to the theatre. Straight, sombre and impersonal, he entered the actress's room and stood waiting. Camila had a service to ask of Manuel and she thought a few preliminary blandishments were necessary, but she scarcely paused in combing a blond wig that was dressed upon the table before her.

One evening, a little boy stopped Manuel on the street and told him that the Perichole wanted him to visit her immediately. Manuel changed direction and headed to the theater. He entered the actress's room, which was straight, dark, and impersonal, and stood waiting. Camila had a favor to ask of Manuel and thought a little flattery would be helpful, but she barely took a break from styling a blonde wig laid out on the table in front of her.

"You write letters for people, don't you? I want you to write a letter for me, please. Please come in."

"You write letters for people, right? I need you to write a letter for me, please. Come on in."

He came forward two steps.

He stepped forward two times.

"You never pay me the least visit either of you. That's not Spanish of you."—meaning 'courteous.'—"Which are you, Manuel or Esteban?"

"You never come to visit me, either of you. That's not very courteous of you."—meaning 'polite.'—"Which one are you, Manuel or Esteban?"

"Manuel."

"Manuel."

"It doesn't matter. You are both unfriendly. Neither of you ever comes to see me. Here I sit learning stupid lines all day and no one ever comes to see me but a lot of peddlers. It is because I am an actress, no?"

"It doesn't matter. You’re both really unfriendly. Neither of you ever comes to visit me. Here I am, stuck learning dumb lines all day, and no one ever comes to see me except for a bunch of salespeople. It's because I'm an actress, right?"

This was not very artful, but for Manuel it was unspeakably complicated. He merely stared at her from the shadows of his long hair and left her to improvise.

This wasn't very skillful, but for Manuel, it was incredibly complicated. He just watched her from the shadows of his long hair and let her figure it out on her own.

"I am going to engage you to write a letter for me, a very secret letter. But now I can see that you don't like me and that to ask you to write a letter would be as good as reading it aloud in all the wine-shops. What does that look mean, Manuel? Are you my friend?"

"I need you to write a letter for me, a really secret letter. But now I can see that you don't like me, and asking you to write it would be just as good as reading it aloud in all the bars. What does that look mean, Manuel? Are you my friend?"

"Yes, señora."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go away. Send me Esteban. You do not even say Yes, señora as a friend would say it."

"Go away. Send me Esteban. You don't even say Yes, ma'am like a friend would."

Long pause. Presently she raised her head: "Are you still there, Unfriendly?"

Long pause. She raised her head and said, "Are you still there, Unfriendly?"

"Yes, señora ... you can trust me to do anything for you ... you can trust ..."

"Yes, ma'am ... you can count on me to do anything for you ... you can trust ..."

"If I ask you to write one letter for me, or two letters, you promise never to mention to a human being what is in them, or even that you wrote them?"

"If I ask you to write one letter for me, or two letters, you promise never to tell anyone what's in them, or even that you wrote them?"

"Yes, señora."

"Yes, ma'am."

"What do you promise by?—by the Virgin Mary?"

"What do you promise by?—by the Virgin Mary?"

"Yes, señora."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And by the heart of Saint Rose of Lima?"

"And by the heart of Saint Rose of Lima?"

"Yes, señora."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Name of the Name, Manuel, anyone would think you were as stupid as an ox. Manuel, I am very angry with you. You are not stupid. You don't look stupid. Please don't say just Yes, señora again. Don't be stupid or I'll send for Esteban. Is anything the matter with you?"

"Name of the Name, Manuel, anyone would think you were as dumb as an ox. Manuel, I’m really mad at you. You’re not dumb. You don’t look dumb. Please don’t just say Yes, señora again. Don’t be dumb or I’ll call Esteban. Is something wrong with you?"

Here Manuel cast himself upon the Spanish language and exclaimed with unnecessary vigor: "I swear by the Virgin Mary and the heart of St. Rose of Lima that all that has to do with the letter will be secret."

Here Manuel threw himself into the Spanish language and exclaimed with unnecessary intensity: "I swear by the Virgin Mary and the heart of St. Rose of Lima that everything related to the letter will remain secret."

"Even from Esteban," prompted the Perichole.

"Even from Esteban," said the Perichole.

"Even from Esteban."

"Even from Esteban."

"Well, that's better." She motioned him to sit down at a table where writing materials were already laid out. As she dictated she strode about the room, frowning, swinging her hips. With her arms akimbo, she hugged her shawl about her shoulders defiantly.

"Well, that's better." She gestured for him to sit at a table where writing supplies were already set up. As she dictated, she walked around the room, frowning and swaying her hips. With her arms crossed, she wrapped her shawl around her shoulders defiantly.

"Camila Perichole kisses the hands of Your Excellency and says—No, take another piece of paper and begin again. The señora Micaela Villegas, artist, kisses the hands of Your Excellency and says that, being the victim of the envious and lying friends that Y. E.'s goodness permits about Him, she can no longer endure Y. E.'s suspicions and jealousy. Y. E.'s servant has always valued Y. E.'s friendship and has never committed, nor even thought, an offense against it, but she can no longer fight against the calumnies that Y. E. believes so readily. Señora Villegas, artist, called the Perichole, therefore returns herewith such of Y. E.'s gifts as have not been placed beyond recall, since without Y. E.'s confidence, Y. E.'s servant can take no pleasure in them."

"Camila Perichole kisses the hands of Your Excellency and says—No, take another piece of paper and start over. The señora Micaela Villegas, an artist, kisses the hands of Your Excellency and says that, being targeted by envious and deceitful friends who Your Excellency’s kindness allows to surround Him, she can no longer tolerate Your Excellency's suspicions and jealousy. Your Excellency's servant has always valued Your Excellency's friendship and has never committed, nor even thought of, an offense against it, but she can no longer fight against the slander that Your Excellency accepts so easily. Therefore, señora Villegas, the artist known as the Perichole, returns all of Your Excellency’s gifts that can still be returned, since without Your Excellency's trust, Your Excellency's servant can find no joy in them."

Camila continued walking about the room for several minutes, consumed by her thoughts. Presently without so much as glancing at her secretary, she commanded: "Take another leaf. Have you gone mad? Do not ever think of eating another bull to me again. It has caused a frightful war. Heaven protect you, my colt. Friday night, the same place, the same time. I may be a little late, for the fox is wide-awake. That will be all."

Camila kept pacing the room for several minutes, lost in her thoughts. Without even looking at her secretary, she ordered, "Take another note. Have you lost your mind? Don’t ever think about bringing me another bull again. It started a terrible war. God help you, my colt. Friday night, same place, same time. I might be a little late because the fox is wide awake. That’s all."

Manuel rose.

Manuel stood up.

"You swear that you have made no errors?"

"You swear you haven't made any mistakes?"

"Yes, I swear."

"Yeah, I swear."

"There is your money."

"Here's your money."

Manuel took the money.

Manuel took the cash.

"I shall want you to write me more letters from time to time. My uncle Pio generally writes my letters; these I do not wish him to know about. Good night. Go with God."

"I'll need you to write me more letters every now and then. My uncle Pio usually writes my letters; I don't want him to know about these. Good night. Take care."

"Go with God."

"Stay blessed."

Manuel descended the stairs and stood for a long time among the trees, not thinking, not moving.

Manuel walked down the stairs and stood for a long time among the trees, not thinking, not moving.

Esteban knew that his brother was continually brooding over the Perichole, but he never suspected that he saw her. From time to time during the next two months a small boy would approach him in great haste and ask whether he were Manuel or Esteban, and being informed that he was only Esteban, the boy would add that Manuel was wanted at the theatre. Esteban assumed that the call was for copyist's work and was therefore utterly unprepared for a visit that they received one night in their room.

Esteban knew that his brother was constantly obsessing over the Perichole, but he never thought he actually saw her. Occasionally, over the next two months, a small boy would rush up to him and ask if he was Manuel or Esteban. When told he was just Esteban, the boy would say that Manuel was needed at the theater. Esteban figured the call was about copyist work and was completely unprepared for the visit they received one night in their room.

It was almost midnight. Esteban had gone to bed, and lay gazing out from under the blanket at the candle beside which his brother was working. There was a light tap at the door and Manuel opened to admit a lady heavily veiled, out of breath and nervous. She threw back the scarf from her face and said hurriedly:

It was almost midnight. Esteban had gone to bed and was lying under the blanket, looking out at the candle where his brother was working. There was a light knock at the door, and Manuel opened it to let in a woman who was heavily veiled, out of breath and anxious. She pulled back the scarf from her face and quickly said:

"Quick, ink and paper. You are Manuel, yes? You must do a letter for me at once."

"Quick, get me some ink and paper. You’re Manuel, right? I need you to write a letter for me right now."

For a moment her glance fell on the two bright eyes that glared at her from the edge of the cot. She murmured: "Eu ... you must excuse me. I know it is late. It was necessary ... I must come." Then turning to Manuel, she whispered into his ear: "Write this: I Perichole, am not accustomed to wait at a rendez-vous. Have you finished that? You are only a cholo, and there are better matadors than you, even in Lima. I am half Castilian and there are no better actresses in the world. You shall not have the opportunity—Have you got that?—to keep me waiting again, cholo, and I shall laugh the last, for even an actress does not grow old as fast as a bullfighter."

For a moment, her gaze landed on the two bright eyes glaring at her from the edge of the cot. She murmured, "Uh... you have to forgive me. I know it's late. It was necessary... I had to come." Then, turning to Manuel, she whispered into his ear, "Write this down: I Perichole, am not used to waiting at a rendezvous. Are you done with that? You’re just a cholo, and there are better matadors than you, even in Lima. I'm half Castilian, and there are no better actresses in the world. You won’t get the chance—Do you have that?—to make me wait again, cholo, and I will have the last laugh, because even an actress doesn't age as quickly as a bullfighter."

To Esteban in the shadows the picture of Camila leaning over his brother's hand and whispering into his ear was complete evidence that a new congeniality had formed such as he would never know. He seemed to shrink away into space, infinitely tiny, infinitely unwanted. He took one more glance at the tableau of love, all the paradise from which he was shut out, and turned his face to the wall.

To Esteban in the shadows, the sight of Camila leaning over his brother's hand and whispering in his ear was clear proof that a new bond had formed—one he would never experience. He felt himself shrink into nothing, completely insignificant and unwanted. He took one last look at the scene of affection, all the bliss from which he was excluded, and turned his face to the wall.

Camila seized the note the moment it was done, pushed a coin along the table and in a last flurry of black lace, scarlet beads and excited whispers left the room. Manuel turned from the door with his candle. He sat down, put his hand over his ears, his elbows on his knees. He worshipped her. He murmured to himself over and over again that he worshipped her, making of the sound a sort of incantation and an obstacle to thought.

Camila grabbed the note as soon as it was finished, slid a coin across the table, and with one last flurry of black lace, red beads, and excited whispers, left the room. Manuel turned away from the door with his candle. He sat down, covered his ears with his hands, and rested his elbows on his knees. He was in awe of her. He repeated to himself again and again that he worshipped her, turning the words into a kind of chant that blocked out his thoughts.

He emptied his mind of everything but a singsong, and it was this vacancy that permitted him to become aware of Esteban's mood. He seemed to hear a voice that proceeded from the shadows saying: "Go and follow her, Manuel. Don't stay here. You'll be happy. There's room for us all in the world." Then the realization became even more intense and he received a mental image of Esteban going a long way off and saying good-bye many times as he went. He was filled with terror; by the light of it he saw that all the other attachments in the world were shadows, or the illusions of fever, even Madre María del Pilar, even the Perichole. He could not understand why Esteban's misery should present itself as demanding a choice between him and the Perichole, but he could understand Esteban's misery, as misery. And at once he sacrificed everything to it, if it can be said we ever sacrifice anything save what we know we can never attain, or what some secret wisdom tells us it would be uncomfortable or saddening to possess. To be sure there was nothing on which Esteban could base a complaint. It was not jealousy, for in their earlier affairs it had never occurred to either of them that their loyalty to one another had been diminished. It was merely that in the heart of one of them there was left room for an elaborate imaginative attachment and in the heart of the other there was not. Manuel could not quite understand this and, as we shall see, he nourished a dim sense of being accused unjustly. But he did understand that Esteban was suffering. In his excitement he groped for a means of holding this brother who seemed to be receding into the distance. And at once, in one unhesitating stroke of the will, he removed the Perichole from his heart.

He cleared his mind of everything except for a melody, and it was this emptiness that allowed him to sense Esteban's mood. He felt as if he heard a voice from the shadows saying, "Go after her, Manuel. Don't stay here. You'll be happy. There's space for all of us in the world." Then the realization grew stronger, and he imagined Esteban going far away, saying goodbye over and over as he left. He was filled with fear; in that light, he saw that all other attachments in the world were just shadows or feverish illusions, even Madre María del Pilar, even the Perichole. He couldn't understand why Esteban's misery presented a choice between him and the Perichole, but he could grasp Esteban's pain as genuine suffering. In that moment, he sacrificed everything for it, if we can say we sacrifice anything other than what we know we can never achieve, or what some hidden wisdom tells us would be uncomfortable or painful to have. Certainly, there was nothing on which Esteban could base a complaint. It wasn't jealousy, because in their past relationships, neither had ever thought their loyalty to one another had faded. It was simply that one of them had space for a deep, imaginative attachment, while the other did not. Manuel couldn't fully understand this and, as we'll see, he held a vague feeling of being unfairly accused. But he did recognize that Esteban was in pain. In his urgency, he reached for a way to keep his brother from fading away. And in one decisive act of will, he pushed the Perichole out of his heart.

He blew out the candle and lay down on his bed. He was trembling. He said aloud with exaggerated casualness: "Well, that's the last letter I write for that woman. She can go and find a pander somewhere else. If ever she calls here or sends for me when I'm out, tell her so. Make it plain. That's the last I have to do with her," and with that he began reciting his evening psalm aloud. But he had hardly reached A sagitta volante in die when he became aware that Esteban had risen and was lighting the candle.

He blew out the candle and lay down on his bed, shaking. He said out loud, trying to sound casual, "Well, that's the last letter I'll write for that woman. She can go find someone else. If she ever calls here or sends for me when I'm out, just let her know. Make it clear. I'm done with her," and with that, he started reciting his evening prayer out loud. But he had barely gotten to A sagitta volante in die when he noticed that Esteban had gotten up and was lighting the candle.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm going out for a walk," replied Esteban sombrely, fastening his belt. After a moment, he broke out with an assumption of anger: "You don't have to say ... what you just said, for me. I don't care whether you write her letters or not. You don't have to change for me. I haven't anything to do with that."

"I'm going out for a walk," Esteban replied sadly, fastening his belt. After a moment, he suddenly seemed angry: "You don’t have to say... what you just said, for my sake. I don’t care if you write her letters or not. You don’t have to change for me. I have nothing to do with that."

"Go to bed, you fool. God, you're a fool, Esteban. What made you think I said that, for you? Don't you believe I mean it when I say I'm through with her? Do you think I want to write any more of her dirty letters and get paid for them like that?"

"Go to bed, you idiot. Seriously, you're an idiot, Esteban. What made you think I said that for you? Don't you believe me when I say I'm done with her? Do you think I want to keep writing her filthy letters and getting paid for it like that?"

"It's all right. You love her. You don't have to change because of me."

"It's okay. You love her. You don't need to change because of me."

"'Love her?' Love her? You're crazy, Esteban. How could I love her? What chance would there be for me? Do you suppose she'd give me those letters to write if there were any chance? Do you suppose she'd push a piece of money across the table every time.... You're crazy, Esteban, that's all."

"‘Love her?’ Love her? You’re out of your mind, Esteban. How could I love her? What chance do I have? Do you really think she’d let me write those letters if there was any chance? Do you think she’d slide money across the table every time... You’re crazy, Esteban, that’s all."

There was a long pause. Esteban would not go to bed. He sat by the candle in the middle of the room, tapping with his hand on the edge of the table.

There was a long pause. Esteban wouldn't go to bed. He sat by the candle in the middle of the room, tapping his hand on the edge of the table.

"Go to bed, you fool," shouted Manuel, rising on one elbow under the blanket. He was talking in their secret language and the new pain at his heart, gave a greater ring of reality to his assumption of rage. "I'm all right."

"Go to bed, you fool," shouted Manuel, propping himself up on one elbow under the blanket. He was speaking in their secret language, and the fresh pain in his heart made his feigned anger feel even more real. "I'm fine."

"I won't. I'm going out for a walk," replied Esteban picking up his coat.

"I won't. I'm going out for a walk," Esteban said as he grabbed his coat.




300



"You can't go out for a walk. It's two o'clock. It's raining. You can't go and walk about for hours like that. Look, Esteban, I swear to you there's nothing left to all that. I don't love her. I only did for a time."

"You can't go out for a walk. It's two o'clock. It's raining. You can't just wander around for hours like that. Look, Esteban, I promise you there's nothing more to it. I don't love her. I only did for a little while."

By now Esteban stood in the dark of the open door. In the unnatural voice with which we make the greatest declarations of our lives, he muttered: "I'm in your way," and turned to go.

By now, Esteban was standing in the darkness of the open door. In the eerie tone we use for the biggest statements of our lives, he muttered, "I'm in your way," and turned to leave.

Manuel leapt out of his bed. His head seemed to be full of a great din, a voice crying out that Esteban was going away forever, was leaving him alone forever. "In the name of God, in the name of God, Esteban, come back here."

Manuel jumped out of bed. His head felt filled with a loud noise, a voice shouting that Esteban was leaving for good, leaving him alone forever. "For the love of God, for the love of God, Esteban, come back here."

Esteban came back and went to bed and the matter was not mentioned again for many weeks. The very next evening Manuel had an opportunity of declaring his position. A messenger arrived from the Perichole and was told harshly to inform the actress that Manuel would write no more letters for her.

Esteban returned and went to bed, and the topic wasn't brought up again for several weeks. The very next evening, Manuel had the chance to make his stance clear. A messenger came from the Perichole and was told in a harsh tone to inform the actress that Manuel would no longer write her any letters.



One evening Manuel tore open the flesh on his knee against a piece of metal.

One evening, Manuel scraped the skin on his knee against a piece of metal.

Neither brother had ever been ill for as much as a day in his life, and now Manuel, utterly bewildered, watched his leg swell and felt the waves of pain rise and fall in his body. Esteban sat by and stared at his face trying to imagine what great pain was. At last one midnight Manuel remembered that the signboard of a certain hairdresser in the city described the proprietor as an experienced barber and surgeon. Esteban ran through the streets to fetch him. He pounded on the door. Presently a woman leaned out of a window and announced that her husband would be back in the morning. During the fearful hours that followed, they told one another that when the doctor had seen the leg all would be well. He would do something about it, and Manuel would be out around the town in a day or two, even in a day perhaps, even less than a day.

Neither brother had ever been sick for even a day in his life, and now Manuel, completely confused, watched his leg swell and felt waves of pain rise and fall in his body. Esteban sat beside him, staring at his face, trying to imagine what intense pain was like. Finally, one midnight, Manuel remembered that a sign outside a certain hairdresser in the city described the owner as an experienced barber and surgeon. Esteban dashed through the streets to get him. He banged on the door. Soon, a woman leaned out of a window and said her husband would be back in the morning. During the anxious hours that followed, they reassured each other that once the doctor saw the leg, everything would be fine. He would take care of it, and Manuel would be out and about in town in a day or two, maybe even the next day, or possibly even sooner.

The barber arrived and prescribed various draughts and ointments. Esteban was instructed to lay cold cloths on his brother's leg every hour. The barber withdrew and the brothers sat down to wait for the pain to subside. But while they continued staring into one another's face waiting for the miracle of science the pain grew worse. Hour after hour Esteban approached with his dripping towel and they discovered that the moment of its application was the worst of all. With all the fortitude in the world Manuel could not prevent himself from shouting and from flinging himself about upon the bed. Night came on and still Esteban stolidly waited and watched and worked. Nine, ten, eleven. Now when the time drew near to apply the cloths (the hour struck so musically from all those towers) Manuel would plead with Esteban not to do his work. He would resort to guile and declare that he scarcely felt it. But Esteban, his heart bursting with pain and his lips a line of iron, would roll back the blanket and bind the towel fiercely in its place. Manuel gradually became delirious and under this application all the thoughts he did not permit himself in his right mind would burst magnified from his mouth.

The barber showed up and recommended various remedies and ointments. Esteban was told to put cold cloths on his brother's leg every hour. The barber left, and the brothers sat together, waiting for the pain to go down. But as they kept staring at each other, hoping for a medical miracle, the pain only got worse. Hour after hour, Esteban came with his soaked towel, and they realized that the moment it was applied was the worst of all. Even with all his strength, Manuel couldn’t help but shout and thrash around on the bed. Night fell, and Esteban remained patiently waiting, watching, and working. Nine, ten, eleven. As the time to apply the cloths approached (the hour chimed melodically from all those towers), Manuel would beg Esteban not to do his job. He would try to deceive him, claiming he could barely feel it. But Esteban, his heart heavy with anguish and his lips pressed tight, would pull back the blanket and fiercely secure the towel in place. Manuel slowly slipped into delirium, and under the pressure of the cloth, all the thoughts he had suppressed while sane burst out, magnified from his mouth.

Finally at two o'clock, out of his mind with rage and pain, and flinging himself half out of the bed until his head struck the floor, Manuel cried: "God condemn your soul to the hottest hell there is. A thousand devils torture you forever, Esteban. God condemn your soul, do you hear?" At first, the air gone out of his body, Esteban went out into the hall and leaned against the door, his mouth and eyes wide open. Still he heard from within: "Yes, Esteban, may God damn your beastly soul forever, do you hear that? For coming between me and what was mine by right. She was mine, do you hear, and what right had you...." and he would go off into an elaborate description of the Perichole.

Finally, at two o'clock, driven mad with rage and pain, and throwing himself halfway out of bed until his head hit the floor, Manuel shouted, "May God damn your soul to the hottest hell there is! A thousand devils torture you forever, Esteban! May God damn your soul, do you hear me?" At first, the breath knocked out of him, Esteban stepped into the hallway and leaned against the door, his mouth and eyes wide open. Yet he still heard from inside: "Yes, Esteban, may God damn your wretched soul forever, do you hear that? For coming between me and what was rightfully mine. She was mine, do you hear? And what right did you have..." and he would go off into a detailed description of the Perichole.

These outbursts recurred hourly. It was some time before Esteban was able to realize that his brother's mind was not then clear. After some moments of horror, in which his being a devout believer had its part, he would return to the room and go about his duties with bent head.

These outbursts happened every hour. It took Esteban a while to understand that his brother wasn't thinking clearly at that moment. After a few moments of fright, during which his strong beliefs played a role, he would go back to the room and continue with his tasks, head bowed.

Towards dawn his brother became serener. (For what human ill does not dawn seem to be an alleviation?) It was in one of these intervals that Manuel said quite calmly:

Towards dawn, his brother became more peaceful. (What human suffering doesn’t seem a bit easier at dawn?) It was during one of these moments that Manuel spoke quite calmly:

"God's son! I feel better, Esteban. Those cloths must be good after all. You'll see. I'll be up and around tomorrow. You haven't slept for days. You'll see I won't cause you any more trouble, Esteban."

"God's son! I'm feeling better, Esteban. Those cloths must actually work. You'll see. I'll be up and about tomorrow. You haven’t slept in days. You’ll see I won’t be a burden to you anymore, Esteban."

"It's no trouble, you fool."

"No problem, you idiot."

"You mustn't take me seriously when I try and stop you putting on the old cloths, Esteban."

"You shouldn't take me seriously when I try to stop you from putting on the old clothes, Esteban."

A long pause. At last Esteban brought out, barely audible:

A long pause. Finally, Esteban said, almost in a whisper:

"I think ... don't you think it would be fine if I sent for the Perichole? She could just come and see you for a few minutes, I mean...."

"I think... don’t you think it’d be okay if I called for the Perichole? She could just come and see you for a few minutes, I mean..."

"Her? You still thinking about her? I wouldn't have her here for anything. No."

"Her? Are you still thinking about her? I wouldn't want her here for anything. No."

But Esteban was not content yet. He dragged up a few more phrases from the very centre of his being:

But Esteban wasn't satisfied yet. He pulled a few more phrases from deep within himself:

"Manuel, you still feel, don't you, that I came between you and the Perichole and you don't remember that I told you it was all right with me. I swear to you I'd have been glad if you'd gone away with her, or anything."

"Manuel, you still think, right, that I got in the way between you and the Perichole, and you don’t recall that I said it was fine with me. I promise you I would have been happy if you’d left with her, or whatever."

"What are you bringing that up for, Esteban? I tell you, in God's own name, I never think of that. She's nothing to me. When are you going to forget that, Esteban? I tell you I'm glad things are as they are. Look, I got to get angry when you keep going back to that."

"What are you mentioning that for, Esteban? I swear, on God's name, I never think about it. She means nothing to me. When are you going to let that go, Esteban? I'm telling you, I'm happy with how things are. Look, I get frustrated when you keep bringing it up."

"Manuel, I wouldn't speak of it again, only when you get angry at me about the cloths ... you, you get angry at me about that, too. And you talk about it and you ..."

"Manuel, I wouldn't bring it up again, but when you get mad at me about the cloths... you, you get mad at me about that, too. And you keep talking about it and you..."

"Look, I'm not responsible what I say. My old leg hurts then, see."

"Look, I'm not responsible for what I say. My old leg hurts, you know."

"Then you don't damn me to hell because ... it looks like I came between you and the Perichole?"

"Then you don't send me to hell just because ... it seems like I got in the way of you and the Perichole?"

"Damn you to ...? What makes you say that? You're going crazy, Esteban; you're imagining things. You haven't had any sleep, Esteban. I been a curse to you and you're losing your health because of me. But you'll see, I won't trouble you much more. How could I damn you to hell, Esteban, when you're all I've got? Understand, see, that when the cold cloths go on, I just lose myself, see. You know. Don't think about it twice. It's time to put them on now. I won't say a word."

"Damn you to ...? Why would you say that? You're losing it, Esteban; you're just imagining things. You haven't slept at all, Esteban. I've been a burden to you, and you're suffering because of me. But you'll see, I won't be a bother to you much longer. How could I damn you to hell, Esteban, when you're all I have? Understand that when the cold cloths go on, I just lose myself, you know? Don't overthink it. It’s time to put them on now. I won't say anything."

"No, Manuel, I'll skip this time. It won't do you any harm, I'll just skip this time."

"No, Manuel, I’ll pass this time. It won’t hurt you; I’ll just skip it this time."

"I've got to get well, Esteban. I've got to get up soon, you know. Put them on. But one minute—give me the crucifix. I swear by the blood and body of Christ that if I say anything against Esteban, I don't mean it and it's just the foolish words when I'm dreaming because of the pain in my leg. God make me well again soon, amen. Put it back. There. Now I'm ready."

"I need to get better, Esteban. I have to get up soon, you know. Put them on. But wait one minute—give me the crucifix. I swear by the blood and body of Christ that if I say anything against Esteban, I don’t mean it; it’s just the silly things I say when I’m dreaming because of the pain in my leg. God, please make me well again soon, amen. Put it back. There. Now I'm ready."

"Look, Manuel, it won't hurt if I skip just this once, see. It'll be good for you, sure, to not get it all stirred up just this once."

"Listen, Manuel, it won't hurt if I skip just this once, okay? It'll actually be good for you, I promise, not to get everything stirred up just this once."

"No, I've got to get well. The doctor said it had to be done. I won't say a word, Esteban."

"No, I need to get better. The doctor said it has to happen. I won't say a word, Esteban."

And it would begin all over again.

And it would start all over again.

During the second night a prostitute in the next room started beating on the wall, outraged at such language. A priest in the room on the other side would come out into the hall and beat on the door. The whole floor would gather before the room in exasperation. The innkeeper came up the stairs, loudly promising his guests that the brothers would be dumped into the street the very next morning. Esteban, holding his candle, would go into the hall and permit them to rage at him for as long as they pleased; but after that he took to pressing his hand firmly over his brother's mouth during the moments of greatest stress. This increased Manuel's personal rage at him and he would babble all through the night.

During the second night, a sex worker in the next room started banging on the wall, furious over the language. A priest in the room on the other side would come out into the hallway and pound on the door. The entire floor would gather outside the room in frustration. The innkeeper came up the stairs, loudly assuring his guests that the brothers would be thrown out onto the street first thing in the morning. Esteban, holding his candle, would step into the hallway and let them vent their anger at him for as long as they wanted; but after that, he began to press his hand firmly over his brother's mouth during the most intense moments. This only fueled Manuel's personal anger at him, and he would babble all night long.

On the third night, Esteban sent for the priest and amidst the enormous shadows Manuel received the sacrament, and died.

On the third night, Esteban called for the priest, and in the heavy shadows, Manuel received the sacrament and passed away.

Thereafter Esteban refused to come near the building. He would start off upon long walks, but presently drifting back, would hang about, staring at passers-by, within two streets of where his brother lay. The innkeeper failing to make any impression upon him and remembering that the boys were brought up at the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas, sent for the Abbess. Simply and soundly she directed all that was to be done. At last she went down to the street corner and spoke to Esteban. He watched her approach him, a glance mixed of longing and distrust. But when she stood near him he turned sideways and looked away.

Thereafter, Esteban refused to get close to the building. He would set off on long walks, but soon he would find himself drifting back, hanging around and watching people pass by, just two streets away from where his brother was. The innkeeper couldn't get through to him and remembered that the boys had been raised at the Convent of Santa María Rosa de las Rosas, so he called for the Abbess. She clearly and wisely outlined everything that needed to be done. Finally, she went down to the street corner to talk to Esteban. He watched her come towards him, his expression a mix of longing and distrust. But when she got close, he turned to the side and looked away.

"I want you to help me. Won't you come in and see your brother? Won't you come in and help me?"

"I need your help. Will you come in and see your brother? Will you come in and help me?"

"No."

"Nope."

"You won't help me!" A long pause. Suddenly as she stood there full of her helplessness there flashed through her mind an incident of many years before: the twin brothers about fifteen years old were sitting at her knee and she was telling them the story of the crucifixion. Their large grave eyes were fixed upon her lips. Suddenly Manuel had cried out loudly: "If Esteban and I had been there we would have prevented it."

"You won’t help me!" There was a long pause. As she stood there overwhelmed by her helplessness, a memory from many years ago flashed through her mind: the twin brothers, about fifteen years old, were sitting at her knee while she told them the story of the crucifixion. Their big, serious eyes were focused on her lips. Suddenly, Manuel shouted, "If Esteban and I had been there, we would've stopped it."

"Well, then, if you won't help me, will you tell me which you are?"

"Alright, if you won't help me, can you at least tell me which one you are?"

"Manuel," said Esteban.

"Manuel," Esteban said.

"Manuel, won't you come and sit with me up there for just a short time?"

"Manuel, would you come and sit with me up there for a little while?"

After a long pause: "No."

After a long pause: "Nah."

"But Manuel, dear Manuel, can't you remember as children how you did so many things for me? You were willing to go across the town on some little errand. When I was ill you made the cook let you bring me my soup?" Another woman would have said: "Do you remember how much I did for you?"

"But Manuel, dear Manuel, can't you remember when we were kids and you did so many things for me? You were always willing to run across town for some errands. When I was sick, you convinced the cook to let you bring me my soup?" Another woman would have said, "Do you remember how much I did for you?"

"Yes."

Yes.

"I, too, Manuel have lost. I too ... once. We know that God has taken them into His hands...." But this did not do at all. Esteban turned vaguely and walked away from her. When he had gone about twenty paces he stopped and stared down a side-street, like a dog who wants to go away, but is reluctant to offend the master who calls him back.

"I, too, Manuel, have lost. I also ... once. We know that God has taken them into His hands...." But that didn’t help at all. Esteban turned away vaguely and walked away from her. After going about twenty steps, he stopped and glanced down a side street, like a dog that wants to leave but is hesitant to upset the owner calling him back.

That was all they could get out of him. When the fearful procession passed through the city, with its black hoods and masks, its candles in broad daylight, its display of heaped-up skulls, its terrifying psalms, Esteban followed it in the parallel streets, catching glimpses of it from a distance, like a savage.

That was all they could get from him. As the frightening procession moved through the city, with its black hoods and masks, candles lit in the bright daylight, piles of skulls on display, and chilling psalms, Esteban trailed it along the side streets, catching sight of it from a distance, like a wild animal.

All Lima was interested in this separation of the brothers. Housewives whispered together sympathetically about it as they unfurled their carpets from the balconies. The men in the wineshops, alluding to it, shook their heads and smoked in silence for a while. Travellers from the interior told of seeing Esteban as he strayed with eyes like coals along the dried-up beds of rivers or through the great ruins of the old race. A herder of llamas had come upon him standing upon a hilltop, asleep or dazed, wet with dew under the stars. Some fishermen surprised him swimming far out from shore. From time to time he would find work to do, he would become a shepherd or a carter, but after a few months he would disappear and stride from province to province. But he always returned to Lima. One day he appeared at the door of the Perichole's dressing-room; he made as though to speak, gazed earnestly at her and vanished. One day a sister came running into the office of Madre María del Pilar with the news that Esteban (whom the world called Manuel) was lingering about the door of the convent. The Abbess hurried out into the street. For months she had been asking herself what strategy could reconcile this half-demented boy to living among them again. She assembled as grave and calm a manner as she was able and appearing at the street door murmured "My friend" and looked at him. He gazed back at her with the same glance of longing and distrust that he had shown her before, and stood trembling. Again she whispered "My friend" and moved a step forward. Suddenly Esteban turned and breaking into a run disappeared. Madre María del Pilar rushed stumbling back to her desk and fell upon her knees, exclaiming angrily: "I have prayed for wisdom and You have given me none. You have not chosen to give me the least grace. I am a mere scrubber of floors...." But during the penance she set herself for this impudence the thought came to her to send for Captain Alvarado. Three weeks later she had a ten-minute conversation with him. And the next day he started for Cuzco where, it was said, Esteban was doing some copying for the University.

All of Lima was curious about the separation of the brothers. Housewives whispered about it sympathetically as they rolled out their carpets from the balconies. The men in the bars shook their heads and smoked in silence for a while as they referenced it. Travelers from the interior described seeing Esteban wandering with eyes like coals along the dried-up riverbeds or through the grand ruins of the ancient civilization. A llama herder found him standing on a hilltop, either asleep or dazed, damp with dew under the stars. Some fishermen caught sight of him swimming far from the shore. Occasionally, he would find work, becoming a shepherd or a cart driver, but after a few months, he would vanish and travel from province to province. Yet, he always returned to Lima. One day, he showed up at the Perichole’s dressing room; he seemed about to speak, looked at her intensely, and then disappeared. One day, a sister rushed into Madre María del Pilar's office with the news that Esteban (whom everyone called Manuel) was hanging around the convent door. The Abbess quickly went out onto the street. For months, she had been wondering how to bring this half-crazed boy back into their lives. She gathered herself as best she could and, appearing at the street door, murmured "My friend" and looked at him. He returned her gaze with the same mix of longing and distrust he had shown her before, and stood trembling. Again she whispered "My friend" and took a step closer. Suddenly, Esteban turned and ran away, disappearing. Madre María del Pilar stumbled back to her desk and fell to her knees, angrily exclaiming: "I have prayed for wisdom, and You have given me none. You have chosen not to grant me even the smallest grace. I am just a floor scrubber...." But during the penance she set for her insolence, the idea occurred to her to summon Captain Alvarado. Three weeks later, she had a ten-minute conversation with him. The next day, he left for Cuzco, where it was said Esteban was doing some copying for the University.

There was this strange and noble figure in Peru during these years, the Captain Alvarado, the traveller. He was blackened and cured by all weathers. He stood in the Square with feet apart as though they were planted on a shifting deck. His eyes were strange, unaccustomed to the shorter range, too used to seizing the appearances of a constellation between a cloud and a cloud, and the outline of a cape in rain. His reticence was sufficiently explained for most of us by his voyages, but the Marquesa de Montemayor had other light on the matter. "Captain Alvarado is bringing you this letter in person," she wrote to her daughter. "Introduce him to some of your geographers, my treasure, though it may make them a little uncomfortable, for he is the diamond of sincerity. They will never see anyone who has travelled so far. Last night he described to me some of his voyages. Imagine him pushing his prow through a sea of weeds, stirring up a cloud of fish like grasshoppers in June; or sailing between islands of ice. Oh, he has been to China and up the rivers of Africa. But he is not merely an adventurer and he seems to take no pride in discovering new places; nor is he a mere merchant. One day I asked him narrowly why he lived so, and he avoided my question. I found out from my laundress what I think is the reason of his wandering: My child, he had a child; my daughter, he had a daughter. She was just old enough to cook a holiday meal, and do a little sewing for him. In those days he merely sailed between Mexico and Peru and hundreds of times she waved him farewell or welcome. We have no way of knowing whether she was more beautiful or intelligent than the thousands of other girls that lived about him, but she was his. I suppose it seems ignoble to you that a great oak of a man should go about the world like a blind man about an empty house merely because a chit of a girl has been withdrawn from it. No, no, you cannot understand this, my adored one, but I understand and grow pale. Last night he sat with me and talked of her. He laid his cheek against his hand and looking into the fire, he said: 'It sometimes seems to me that she is away upon a voyage and that I shall see her again. It seems to me that she is in England.' You will laugh at me, but I think he goes about the hemispheres to pass the time between now and his old age."

There was this strange and noble figure in Peru during these years, Captain Alvarado, the traveler. He was weathered and hardened by all conditions. He stood in the square with his feet apart as if he were planted on a shifting deck. His eyes were unusual, unaccustomed to close views, too used to capturing the shapes of constellations between clouds, and the silhouette of a cape in the rain. His quietness was largely explained to us by his travels, but the Marquesa de Montemayor had more insight on the matter. "Captain Alvarado is bringing you this letter in person," she wrote to her daughter. "Introduce him to some of your geographers, my treasure, even if it might make them a little uncomfortable, because he is a rare gem of honesty. They’ll never meet anyone who has traveled so far. Last night, he shared stories of his journeys with me. Picture him pushing his boat through a sea of weeds, stirring up a cloud of fish like grasshoppers in June; or sailing between icebergs. Oh, he’s been to China and up the rivers of Africa. But he’s not just an adventurer, and he doesn’t seem to take pride in discovering new places; nor is he simply a merchant. One day I asked him directly why he lived this way, and he dodged my question. I learned from my laundress what I believe is the reason for his wandering: My child, he had a child; my daughter, he had a daughter. She was just old enough to prepare a holiday meal and do a little sewing for him. Back then, he just sailed between Mexico and Peru, and hundreds of times she waved him goodbye or welcome. We have no way of knowing if she was more beautiful or smarter than the thousands of other girls around him, but she was his. I suppose it seems undignified to you that such a strong man would wander the world like a blind man in an empty house just because a young girl has been taken from it. No, no, you can’t understand this, my beloved, but I do and I feel faint. Last night he sat with me and talked about her. He rested his cheek on his hand and, looking into the fire, he said: 'It sometimes feels like she is off on a journey and that I will see her again. It feels like she is in England.' You might laugh at me, but I think he roams the world to fill the time between now and his old age."

The brothers had always entertained a great respect for Captain Alvarado. They had worked for him a short time and the silence of the three of them had made a little kernel of sense in a world of boasting, self-excuse and rhetoric. So now when the great traveller came into the dark kitchen where Esteban was eating the boy drew his chair farther into the shadow, but at a distance, he was glad. The Captain gave no sign of recognizing or even of seeing him until he had finished his meal. Esteban had finished long before, but not wishing to be spoken to, waited until the Captain should have left the cave. At last the Captain walked over to him and said:

The brothers had always held Captain Alvarado in high regard. They had worked for him for a little while, and the quiet between the three of them created a small sense of understanding in a world filled with bragging, excuses, and empty talk. So when the great traveler entered the dark kitchen where Esteban was eating, the boy pulled his chair deeper into the shadows, but he felt relieved at a distance. The Captain didn’t show any sign of recognizing or even noticing him until he finished his meal. Esteban had finished long before, but not wanting to be engaged in conversation, he waited until the Captain left the cave. Finally, the Captain came over to him and said:

"You are Esteban or Manuel. You helped me once with some unloading. I am Captain Alvarado."

"You’re Esteban or Manuel. You helped me out once with some unloading. I’m Captain Alvarado."

"Yes," said Esteban.

"Yep," said Esteban.

"How are you?"

"What's up?"

Esteban muttered something.

Esteban mumbled something.

"I am looking for some strong fellows to go on my next trip with me." Pause. "Would you like to come?" Longer pause. "England. And Russia.... Hard work. Good wages.... A long way from Peru.—Well?"

"I’m looking for some strong guys to join me on my next trip." Pause. "Do you want to come?" Longer pause. "England. And Russia.... Tough work. Good pay.... A long way from Peru.—So?"

Apparently Esteban had not been listening. He sat with his eyes on the table. At last the Captain raised his voice, as to a deaf person:

Apparently, Esteban hadn't been paying attention. He stared at the table. Finally, the Captain raised his voice, as if speaking to someone who was hard of hearing:

"I said: Do you want to go on my next trip with me...."

"I said: Do you want to join me on my next trip?"

"Yes, I'll go," answered Esteban suddenly.

"Yeah, I'll go," Esteban replied unexpectedly.

"Fine. That's fine. I want your brother, too, of course."

"Okay. That’s cool. I want your brother as well, obviously."

"No."

"Nope."

"What's the matter? Wouldn't he want to come?"

"What's wrong? Doesn't he want to come?"

Esteban mumbled something, looking away. Then half rising, he said: "I got to go now. I've got to see somebody about something."

Esteban mumbled something while looking away. Then, halfway standing up, he said: "I need to go now. I have to see someone about something."

"Let me see your brother myself. Where is he?"

"Let me see your brother for myself. Where is he?"

"... 'dead," said Esteban.

"... 'dead," Esteban said.

"Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm sorry." "Yes," said Esteban. "I got to go."

"Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm sorry." "Yeah," said Esteban. "I have to go."

"Hmm.—Which are you? What's your name?"

"Hmm. —Who are you? What's your name?"

"Esteban."

"Esteban."

"When did Manuel die?"

"When did Manuel pass away?"

"Oh, just a ... just a few weeks. He hit his knee against something and ... just a few weeks ago."

"Oh, just a ... just a few weeks. He bumped his knee against something and ... just a few weeks ago."

They both kept their eyes on the floor.

They both stared at the floor.

"How old are you, Esteban?"

"How old are you, Esteban?"

"Twenty-two."

"22."

"Well, that's settled then, you're coming with me?"

"Well, that's decided then, you’re coming with me?"

"Yes."

"Yep."

"You may not be used to the cold."

"You might not be accustomed to the cold."

"Yes, I'm used to it.—I've got to go now. I got to go in the city and see somebody about something."

"Yeah, I'm used to it.—I have to go now. I need to head into the city and talk to someone about something."

"Well, Esteban. Come back here for supper and we'll talk about the trip. Come back and have some wine with me, see. Will you?"

"Well, Esteban. Come back here for dinner, and we’ll chat about the trip. Come back and have some wine with me, okay? Will you?"

"Yes, I will."

"Sure, I will."

"Go with God."

"Take care."

"Go with God."

"Godspeed."

They had supper together and it was arranged that they were to start for Lima the next morning. The Captain got him very drunk. At first they poured and drank and poured and drank in silence. Then the Captain began to talk about ships and their courses. He asked Esteban questions about tackle and about the guide-stars. Then Esteban began to talk about other things, and to talk very loudly:

They had dinner together, and it was decided that they would leave for Lima the next morning. The Captain got him really drunk. At first, they poured and drank in silence. Then the Captain started talking about ships and their routes. He asked Esteban questions about gear and the guiding stars. Then Esteban began to talk about other things, and he spoke very loudly:

"On the ship you must give me something to do all the time. I'll do anything, anything. I'll climb up high and fix ropes; and I'll watch all night,—because, you know, I don't sleep well anyway. And, Captain Alvarado, on the ship you must pretend that you don't know me. Pretend that you hate me the most. So that you'll always give me things to do. I can't sit still and write at a table any more.—And don't tell the other men about me ... that is, about ..."

"On the ship, you have to keep me busy all the time. I’ll do anything, seriously. I’ll climb up high and fix ropes; and I’ll keep watch all night—because, honestly, I don’t sleep well anyway. And, Captain Alvarado, on the ship, you have to act like you don’t know me. Act like you hate me the most. That way, you’ll always have stuff for me to do. I can’t sit still and write at a table anymore. And don’t tell the other men about me... you know, about..."

"I hear you went into a burning house, Esteban, and pulled someone out."

"I heard you went into a burning house, Esteban, and saved someone."

"Yes. I didn't get burned or anything. You know," cried Esteban, leaning across the table, "you're not allowed to kill yourself; you know you're not allowed. Everybody knows that. But if you jump into a burning house to save somebody, that wouldn't be killing yourself. And if you became a matador and the bull caught you that wouldn't be killing yourself. Only you mustn't put yourself in the bull's way on purpose. Did you ever notice that animals never kill themselves, even when they're sure to lose? They never jump into a river or anything, even when they're sure to lose. Some people say that horses run into bonfires. Is that true?"

"Yeah. I didn't get burned or anything. You know," Esteban exclaimed, leaning over the table, "you're not allowed to take your life; everyone knows that. But if you jump into a burning house to save someone, that wouldn't be considered taking your life. And if you became a matador and the bull got you, that wouldn't be taking your life either. But you shouldn't put yourself in the bull’s path on purpose. Have you ever noticed that animals never take their own lives, even when they know they'll lose? They never jump into a river or anything, even when they know they’ll lose. Some people say that horses run into bonfires. Is that true?"

"No, I don't think that's true."

"No, I don't believe that's true."

"I don't think it's true. We had a dog once. Well, I mustn't think of that.—Captain Alvarado, do you know Madre María del Pilar?"

"I don't think that's true. We had a dog once. Well, I shouldn't dwell on that.—Captain Alvarado, do you know Madre María del Pilar?"

"Yes."

Yes.

"I want to give her a present before I go away. Captain Alvarado, I want you to give me all my wages before I start—I won't need any money anywhere—and I want to buy her a present now. The present isn't from me only. She was ... was ..." Here Esteban wished to say his brother's name, but was unable to. Instead he continued in a lower voice: "She had a kind of a ... she had a serious loss, once. She said so. I don't know who it was, and I want to give her a present. Women can't bear that kind of a thing like we can."

"I want to give her a gift before I leave. Captain Alvarado, I need you to pay me all my wages before I go—I won't need money anywhere—and I want to buy her a gift now. The gift isn't just from me. She was ... was ..." Here Esteban wanted to say his brother's name but couldn't. Instead, he continued in a quieter voice: "She had a sort of ... she experienced a serious loss once. She mentioned it. I don't know who it was, but I want to give her a gift. Women can't handle that kind of thing like we can."

The Captain promised him that they would choose something in the morning. Esteban talked about it at great length. At last the Captain saw him slip under the table, and himself, rising up, went out into the square before the inn. He looked at the line of the Andes and at the streams of stars crowding forever across the sky. And there was that wraith hanging in mid-air and smiling at him, the wraith with the silvery voice that said for the thousandth time: "Don't be gone long. But I'll be a big girl when you get back." Then he went within and carried Esteban to his room and sat looking at him for a long while.

The Captain promised him that they would pick something in the morning. Esteban went on about it for a long time. Finally, the Captain watched him crawl under the table, and he himself stood up and stepped out into the square in front of the inn. He gazed at the outline of the Andes and the streams of stars shining across the sky. And there was that figure hanging in the air, smiling at him, the figure with the silvery voice that said for the thousandth time: "Don't be gone long. But I'll be a big girl when you get back." Then he went inside, carried Esteban to his room, and sat there looking at him for a long time.

The next morning he was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Esteban appeared:

The next morning, he was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Esteban showed up:

"We're starting when you're ready," said the Captain.

"We're starting when you're ready," the Captain said.

The strange glitter had returned to the boy's eyes. He blurted out: "No, I'm not coming. I'm not coming after all."

The strange sparkle had returned to the boy's eyes. He blurted out, "No, I'm not going. I'm not going after all."

"Aïe! Esteban! But you have promised me that you would come."

"Ay! Esteban! But you promised me that you would come."

"It's impossible. I can't come with you," and he turned back up the stairs.

"It's impossible. I can't go with you," and he turned back up the stairs.

"Come here a moment, Esteban, just a moment."

"Come over here for a second, Esteban, just a second."

"I can't come with you. I can't leave Peru."

"I can't go with you. I can't leave Peru."

"I want to tell you something."

"I want to tell you something."

Esteban came down to the foot of the stairs.

Esteban walked down to the bottom of the stairs.

"How about that present for Madre María del Pilar?" asked the Captain in a low voice. Esteban was silent, looking over the mountains. "You aren't going to take that present away from her? It might mean a lot to her ... you know."

"How about that gift for Madre María del Pilar?" the Captain asked quietly. Esteban was silent, gazing at the mountains. "You’re not going to take that gift away from her, are you? It might mean a lot to her... you know."

"All right," murmured Esteban, as though much impressed.

"Okay," murmured Esteban, sounding quite impressed.

"Yes. Besides the ocean's better than Peru. You know Lima and Cuzco and the road. You have nothing more to know about them. You see it's the ocean you want. Besides on the boat you'll have something to do every minute. I'll see to that. Go and get your things and we'll start."

"Yes. Plus, the ocean is better than Peru. You know Lima and Cuzco and the road. There's nothing more you need to know about them. You see, it's the ocean you really want. Also, on the boat, you'll have something to do every minute. I'll make sure of that. Go grab your things, and we'll get started."

Esteban was trying to make a decision. It had always been Manuel who had made the decisions and even Manuel had never been forced to make as great a one as this. Esteban went slowly upstairs. The Captain waited for him and waited so long that presently he ventured half the way up the stairs and listened. At first there was silence; then a series of noises that his imagination was able to identify at once. Esteban had scraped away the plaster about a beam and was adjusting a rope about it. The Captain stood on the stairs trembling: "Perhaps it's best," he said to himself. "Perhaps I should leave him alone. Perhaps it's the only thing possible for him." Then on hearing another sound he flung himself against the door, fell into the room and caught the boy. "Go away," cried Esteban. "Let me be. Don't come in now."

Esteban was trying to make a decision. It had always been Manuel who made the decisions, and even Manuel had never faced a choice this significant. Esteban walked slowly upstairs. The Captain waited for him, and after a while, he cautiously climbed halfway up the stairs to listen. At first, there was silence; then a series of noises that his imagination immediately recognized. Esteban was scraping plaster off a beam and adjusting a rope around it. The Captain stood on the stairs, trembling: "Maybe it's best," he told himself. "Maybe I should leave him alone. Maybe this is the only thing he can do." Then, hearing another sound, he threw himself against the door, fell into the room, and caught the boy. "Go away," Esteban shouted. "Let me be. Don’t come in now."

Esteban fell face downward upon the floor. "I am alone, alone, alone" he cried. The Captain stood above him, his great plain face ridged gray with pain; it was his own old hours he was reliving. He was the awkwardest speaker in the world apart from the lore of the sea, but there are times when it requires a high courage to speak the banal. He could not be sure the figure on the floor was listening, but he said "We do what we can. We push on, Esteban, as best we can. It isn't for long, you know. Time keeps going by. You'll be surprised at the way time passes."

Esteban fell flat on the floor. "I’m all alone, all alone, all alone," he cried out. The Captain stood over him, his rugged face lined with pain; he was reliving his own troubled past. He struggled to speak about anything other than his experiences at sea, but sometimes it takes real courage to say the obvious. He wasn’t sure if the person on the floor was even listening, but he said, "We do what we can. We keep moving forward, Esteban, as best we can. It won't last forever, you know. Time keeps moving on. You’ll be surprised at how quickly time passes."

They started for Lima. When they reached the bridge of San Luis Rey, the Captain descended to the stream below in order to supervise the passage of some merchandise, but Esteban crossed by the bridge and fell with it.

They set out for Lima. When they arrived at the San Luis Rey bridge, the Captain went down to the stream below to oversee the passage of some goods, but Esteban crossed the bridge and fell in with it.







PART FOUR: UNCLE PIO

PART FOUR: UNCLE PIO



IN one of her letters (the XXIXth) the Marquesa de Montemayor tries to describe the impression that Uncle Pio "our aged Harlequin" made upon her: "I have been sitting all morning on the green balcony making you a pair of slippers, my soul," she tells her daughter. "As the golden wire did not take up my whole attention I was able to follow the activity of a coterie of ants in the wall beside me. Somewhere behind the partition they were patiently destroying my house. Every three minutes a little workman would appear between two boards and drop a grain of wood upon the floor below. Then he would wave his antennae at me and back busily into his mysterious corridor. In the meantime various brothers and sisters of his were trotting back and forth on a certain highway, stopping to massage one another's heads, or if the messages they bore were of first importance, refusing angrily to massage or to be massaged. And at once I thought of Uncle Pio. Why? Where else but with him had I seen that very gesture with which he arrests a passing abbé or a courtier's valet, and whispers, his lips laid against his victim's ear? And surely enough, before noon I saw him hurry by on one of those mysterious errands of his. As I am the idlest and silliest of women I sent Pepita to get me a piece of nougat which I placed on the ant's highway. Similarly I sent word to the Café Pizarro asking them to send Uncle Pio to see me if he dropped in before sunset. I shall give him that old bent salad fork with the turquoise in it, and he will bring me a copy of the new ballad that everyone is singing about the d—q—a of Ol—v—s. My child, you shall have the best of everything, and you shall have it first."

IN one of her letters (the 29th), the Marquesa de Montemayor tries to describe the impression that Uncle Pio "our aged Harlequin" made on her: "I’ve been sitting all morning on the green balcony making you a pair of slippers, my dear," she tells her daughter. "Since the golden wire didn’t occupy all my attention, I was able to watch a group of ants in the wall next to me. Somewhere behind the partition, they were slowly destroying my house. Every three minutes, a little worker would appear between two boards and drop a piece of wood onto the floor below. Then he’d wave his antennae at me and quickly disappear back into his hidden corridor. Meanwhile, various siblings of his were scurrying back and forth on a specific path, stopping to groom each other's heads, or if the messages they carried were particularly important, angrily refusing to groom or be groomed. And immediately, I thought of Uncle Pio. Why? Where else but with him had I seen that exact gesture he uses to stop a passing abbé or a courtier's valet, leaning in to whisper with his lips against their ear? Sure enough, before noon, I saw him hurry by on one of those mysterious errands of his. As I am the idlest and silliest of women, I sent Pepita to get me a piece of nougat, which I placed on the ant's path. I also asked the Café Pizarro to send Uncle Pio to see me if he stopped by before sunset. I’ll give him that old bent salad fork with the turquoise in it, and he’ll bring me a copy of the new ballad that everyone is singing about the d—q—a of Ol—v—s. My child, you shall have the best of everything, and you shall have it first."

And in the next letter: "My dear, Uncle Pio is the most delightful man in the world, your husband excepted. He is the second most delightful man in the world. His conversation is enchanting. If he weren't so disreputable I should make him my secretary. He could write all my letters for me and generations would rise up and call me witty. Alas, however, he is so moth-eaten by disease and bad company, that I shall have to leave him to his underworld. He is not only like an ant, he is like a soiled pack of cards. And I doubt whether the whole Pacific could wash him sweet and fragrant again. But what divine Spanish he speaks and what exquisite things he says in it! That's what one gets by hanging around a theatre and hearing nothing but the conversation of Calderón. Alas, what is the matter with this world, my soul, that it should treat such a being so ill! His eyes are as sad as those of a cow that has been separated from its tenth calf."

And in the next letter: "My dear, Uncle Pio is the most charming man in the world, your husband aside. He’s the second most charming man. His conversation is captivating. If he weren’t such a scoundrel, I’d make him my secretary. He could write all my letters for me, and people would call me witty for generations. Unfortunately, he’s so worn down by illness and bad influences that I’ll have to leave him where he is. He’s not just like an ant; he’s like a dirty deck of cards. And I doubt that the entire Pacific Ocean could wash him clean and fragrant again. But the Spanish he speaks is absolutely divine, and what exquisite things he says! That’s what you get for spending time in a theater and only hearing the words of Calderón. Alas, what is wrong with this world, my dear, that it treats such a person so badly! His eyes are as sad as a cow that has been separated from its tenth calf."



You should know first that this Uncle Pio was Camila Perichole's maid. He was also her singing-master, her coiffeur, her masseur, her reader, her errand-boy, her banker; rumor added: her father. For example, he taught her her parts. There was a whisper around town that Camila could read and write. The compliment was unfounded; Uncle Pio did her reading and writing for her. At the height of the season the company put on two or three new plays a week, and as each one contained a long and flowery part for the Perichole the mere task of memorization was not a trifle.

You should know right away that this Uncle Pio was Camila Perichole's servant. He was also her singing teacher, her hairstylist, her masseur, her reader, her errand runner, and her banker; rumors even said he was her father. For instance, he taught her her lines. There was a rumor in town that Camila could read and write. That compliment wasn't true; Uncle Pio did all her reading and writing for her. At the peak of the season, the company produced two or three new plays each week, and since every one of them had a long and elaborate role for the Perichole, the simple task of memorizing them was no small feat.

Peru had passed within fifty years from a frontier state to a state in renaissance. Its interest in music and the theatre was intense. Lima celebrated its feast days by hearing a Mass of Tomás Luis da Victoria in the morning and the glittering poetry of Calderón in the evening. It is true that the Limeans were given to interpolating trivial songs into the most exquisite comedies and some lachrymose effects into the austerest music; but at least they never submitted to the boredom of a misplaced veneration. If they had disliked heroic comedy the Limeans would not have hesitated to remain at home; and if they had been deaf to polyphony nothing would have prevented their going to an earlier service. When the Archbishop returned from a short trip to Spain, all Lima kept asking: "What has he brought?" The news finally spread abroad that he had returned with tomes of masses and motets by Palestrina, Morales I and Vittoria, as well as thirty-five plays by Tirso de Molina and Ruiz de Alarçon and Moreto. There was a civic fête in his honor. The choirboys' school and the green room of the Comedia were swamped with the gifts of vegetables and wheat. All the world was eager to nourish the interpreters of so much beauty.

Peru had transformed in just fifty years from a frontier state to a place of cultural revival. Its passion for music and theater was strong. Lima celebrated its feast days by attending a Mass composed by Tomás Luis da Victoria in the morning and enjoying the brilliant poetry of Calderón in the evening. It's true that the people of Lima often added silly songs to the most beautiful comedies and some tearful moments to the most serious music; but at least they never settled for the dullness of misplaced worship. If they had not enjoyed heroic comedy, the Limeans wouldn't have thought twice about staying home; and if they were indifferent to polyphony, nothing would have stopped them from going to an earlier service. When the Archbishop returned from a short trip to Spain, everyone in Lima kept asking, "What did he bring back?" The word soon got around that he had come back with volumes of masses and motets by Palestrina, Morales I and V, as well as thirty-five plays by Tirso de Molina, Ruiz de Alarçon, and Moreto. There was a city celebration in his honor. The choirboys' school and the green room of the Comedia were flooded with gifts of vegetables and wheat. Everyone was excited to support the performers of such beauty.

This was the theatre in which Camila Perichole gradually made her reputation. So rich was the repertory and so dependable the prompter's box that few plays were given more than four times a season. The manager had the whole flowering of the 17th Century Spanish drama to draw upon, including many that are now lost to us. The Perichole had appeared in a hundred plays of Lope de Vega alone. There were many admirable actresses in Lima during these years, but none better. The citizens were too far away from the theatres of Spain to realize that she was the best in the Spanish world. They kept sighing for a glimpse of the stars of Madrid whom they had never seen and to whom they assigned vague new excellences. Only one person knew for certain that the Perichole was a great performer and that was her tutor Uncle Pio.

This was the theater where Camila Perichole slowly built her reputation. The repertoire was so impressive and the prompter’s box so reliable that few plays were performed more than four times a season. The manager had access to the entire bloom of 17th Century Spanish drama, including many works that are now lost to us. Perichole had appeared in a hundred plays by Lope de Vega alone. There were many talented actresses in Lima during these years, but none better than her. The locals were too far from the theaters of Spain to realize that she was the best in the Spanish-speaking world. They kept longing for a glimpse of the stars of Madrid whom they had never seen and to whom they attributed vague new talents. Only one person knew for sure that Perichole was a great performer, and that was her tutor, Uncle Pio.




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Uncle Pio came of a good Castilian house, illegitimately. At the age of ten he ran away to Madrid from his father's hacienda and was pursued without diligence. He lived ever after by his wits. He possessed the six attributes of the adventurer—a memory for names and faces, with the aptitude for altering his own; the gift of tongues; inexhaustible invention; secrecy; the talent for falling into conversation with strangers; and that freedom from conscience that springs from a contempt for the dozing rich he preyed upon. From ten to fifteen he distributed handbills for merchants, held horses, and ran confidential errands. From fifteen to twenty he trained bears and snakes for travelling circuses; he cooked, and mixed punches; he hung about the entries of the more expensive taverns and whispered informations into the travellers' ears—sometimes nothing more dubious than that a certain noble house was reduced to selling its plate and could thus dispense with the commission of a silversmith. He was attached to all the theatres in town and could applaud like ten. He spread slanders at so much a slander. He sold rumors about crops and about the value of land. From twenty to thirty his services came to be recognized in very high circles—he was sent out by the government to inspirit some half-hearted rebellions in the mountains, so that the government could presently arrive and whole-heartedly crush them. His discretion was so profound that the French party used him even when they knew that the Austrian party used him also. He had long interviews with the Princesse des Ursins, but he came and went by the back stairs. During this phase he was no longer obliged to arrange gentlemen's pleasures, nor to plant little harvests of calumny.

Uncle Pio came from a good Castilian family, though he was born out of wedlock. At ten years old, he ran away to Madrid from his father's estate and wasn't really pursued. He relied on his cleverness to get by. He had all the traits of a classic adventurer: a great memory for names and faces, and the skill to change his own; the ability to speak multiple languages; endless creativity; the knack for keeping secrets; the talent for striking up conversations with strangers; and that lack of guilt that comes from looking down on the wealthy people he took advantage of. From ages ten to fifteen, he handed out flyers for merchants, held horses, and ran confidential errands. From fifteen to twenty, he trained bears and snakes for traveling circuses; he cooked and made drinks; he hung around the entrances of the pricier taverns and whispered info to travelers—sometimes nothing more scandalous than that a certain noble household had to sell their silverware and therefore could bypass the need for a silversmith's services. He was affiliated with all the theaters in town and could clap as loudly as ten people. He spread rumors for a price. He sold gossip about crops and land prices. From twenty to thirty, his skills were recognized by the elite—he was sent by the government to stir up some half-hearted rebellions in the mountains, so the government could later come in and crush them decisively. His discretion was so impressive that the French party used him even while knowing that the Austrian party did too. He had long meetings with the Princesse des Ursins, but he always used the back entrances. During this time, he no longer had to arrange the pleasures of gentlemen or plant little seeds of slander.

He never did one thing for more than two weeks at a time even when enormous gains seemed likely to follow upon it. He could have become a circus manager, a theatrical director, a dealer in antiquities, an importer of Italian silks, a secretary in the Palace or the Cathedral, a dealer in provisions for the army, a speculator in houses and farms, a merchant in dissipations and pleasures. But there seemed to have been written into his personality, through some accident or early admiration of his childhood, a reluctance to own anything, to be tied down, to be held to a long engagement. It was this that prevented his thieving, for example. He had stolen several times, but the gains had not been sufficient to offset his dread of being locked up; he had sufficient ingenuity to escape on the field itself all the police in the world, but nothing could protect him against the talebearing of his enemies. Similarly he had been reduced for a time to making investigations for the Inquisition, but when he had seen several of his victims led off in hoods he felt that he might be involving himself in an institution whose movements were not evenly predictable.

He never stuck to anything for more than two weeks at a time, even when huge benefits seemed likely. He could have been a circus manager, a theater director, a dealer in antiques, an importer of Italian silks, a secretary in the palace or the cathedral, a supplier for the army, a real estate speculator, or a merchant in pleasures and indulgences. But it seemed like some accident or early admiration from his childhood had written into his personality a reluctance to own anything, to be tied down, or to commit to a long-term engagement. This fear held him back from stealing, for example. He had stolen several times, but the benefits weren’t worth the fear of getting locked up. He was clever enough to evade police in the field, but nothing could shield him from the gossip of his enemies. Similarly, he had been forced for a while to do investigations for the Inquisition, but after seeing several of his victims taken away in hoods, he realized he might be getting involved with an organization whose actions were completely unpredictable.

As he approached twenty, Uncle Pio came to see quite clearly that his life had three aims. There was first this need of independence, cast into a curious pattern, namely: the desire to be varied, secret and omniscient. He was willing to renounce the dignities of public life, if in secret he might feel that he looked down upon men from a great distance, knowing more about them than they knew themselves; and with a knowledge which occasionally passed into action and rendered him an agent in the affairs of states and persons. In the second place he wanted to be always near beautiful women, of whom he was always in the best and worst sense the worshipper. To be near them was as necessary to him as breathing. His reverence for beauty and charm was there for anyone to see and to laugh at, and the ladies of the theatre and the court and the houses of pleasure loved his connoisseurship. They tormented him and insulted him and asked his advice and were singularly comforted by his absurd devotion. He suffered greatly their rages and their meannesses and their confiding tears; all he asked was to be accepted casually, to be trusted, to be allowed like a friendly and slightly foolish dog to come and go in their rooms and to write their letters for them. He was insatiably curious about their minds and their hearts. He never expected to be loved by them (borrowing for a moment another sense of that word); for that, he carried his money to the obscurer parts of the city; he was always desperately unprepossessing, with his whisp of a moustache and his whisp of a beard and his big ridiculous sad eyes. They constituted his parish; it was from them that he acquired the name of Uncle Pio and it was when they were in trouble that he most revealed himself; when they fell from favour he lent them money, when they were ill he outlasted the flagging devotion of their lovers and the exasperation of their maids; when time or disease robbed them of their beauty, he served them still for their beauty's memory; and when they died his was the honest grief that saw them as far as possible on their journey.

As he approached twenty, Uncle Pio realized that his life had three main goals. First was his need for independence, shaped in a curious way: he wanted to be diverse, secretive, and all-knowing. He was ready to give up the prestige of public life if it meant he could secretly look down on people from afar, knowing more about them than they knew about themselves; this knowledge sometimes turned into action, making him an influencer in the affairs of states and individuals. Second, he wanted to always be near beautiful women, whom he admired both in a good and a bad way. Being close to them was as essential to him as breathing. His admiration for beauty and charm was obvious and often mocked, yet the women of the theater, the court, and the pleasure houses appreciated his taste. They teased him and belittled him, sought his advice, and found comfort in his ridiculous devotion. He endured their tempers, pettiness, and confiding tears; all he wanted was to be casually accepted, to be trusted, like a friendly yet slightly foolish dog that could come and go in their rooms and write their letters for them. He was endlessly curious about their thoughts and feelings. He never expected to be loved by them (using another sense of that word); for that, he went to the less glamorous areas of the city. He always seemed strikingly unremarkable, with his thin mustache, sparse beard, and large, comically sad eyes. They were his world; it was from them that he earned the nickname Uncle Pio, and it was during their struggles that he truly came into his own; when they fell out of favor, he lent them money; when they were sick, he outlasted the dwindling affection of their lovers and the irritation of their maids; when time or illness took away their beauty, he remained for the sake of their memories; and when they died, he expressed genuine grief, ensuring they were seen off on their journey as best as he could.

In the third place he wanted to be near those that loved Spanish literature and its masterpieces, especially in the theatre. He had discovered all that treasure for himself, borrowing or stealing from the libraries of his patrons, feeding himself upon it in secrecy,—behind the scenes, as it were, of his mad life. He was contemptuous of the great persons who for all their education and usage, exhibited no care nor astonishment before the miracles of word order in Calderón and Cervantes. He longed himself to make verses. He never realized that many of the satirical songs he had written for the vaudevilles passed into folk-music and have been borne everywhere along the highroads.

In the third place, he wanted to be around those who loved Spanish literature and its masterpieces, especially in theater. He had discovered that treasure for himself, borrowing or stealing from the libraries of his patrons, secretly feeding on it—behind the scenes, so to speak, of his chaotic life. He looked down on the great people who, despite their education and experience, showed no appreciation or wonder for the amazing wordplay in Calderón and Cervantes. He yearned to write poems himself. He never realized that many of the satirical songs he had written for the vaudevilles became part of folk music and spread everywhere along the highways.

As the result of one of those quarrels that arise so naturally in brothels his life became too complicated and he removed to Peru. Uncle Pio in Peru was even more versatile than Uncle Pio in Europe. Here too he touched upon real-estate, circuses, pleasures, insurrections and antiques. A Chinese junk had been blown from Canton to America; he dragged up the beach the bales of deep-red porcelain and sold the bowls to the collectors of virtú. He traced down the sovereign remedies of the Incas and started a smart trade in pills. Within four months he knew practically everyone in Lima. He presently added to this acquaintance the inhabitants of scores of seacoast towns, mining camps and settlements in the interior. His pretensions to omniscience became more and more plausible. The Viceroy discovered Uncle Pio and all this richness of reference; he engaged his services in many affairs. In the decay of his judgment Don Andrés had retained one talent, he was a master of the technique of handling confidential servants. He treated Uncle Pio with great tact and some deference; he understood which errands the other should not be asked to undertake and he understood his need for variety and intermission. Uncle Pio in turn was perpetually astonished that a prince should make so little use of his position, for power, or for fantasy, or for sheer delight in the manipulation of other men's destinies; but the servant loved the master because he could quote from any of Cervantes' prefaces and because his tongue had a little Castilian salt about it still. Many a morning Uncle Pio entered the Palace through corridors where there was no one to cross but a confessor or a confidential bully and sat with the Viceroy over his morning chocolate.

As a result of one of those arguments that easily happen in brothels, his life became too complicated, and he moved to Peru. Uncle Pio in Peru was even more adaptable than Uncle Pio in Europe. Here, he also got involved in real estate, circuses, pleasures, rebellions, and antiques. A Chinese junk had drifted from Canton to America; he pulled the bales of deep-red porcelain from the beach and sold the bowls to collectors. He uncovered the ancient remedies of the Incas and started a successful pill trade. Within four months, he knew nearly everyone in Lima. He soon expanded his network to include people from dozens of coastal towns, mining camps, and settlements in the interior. His claims of being all-knowing became increasingly believable. The Viceroy noticed Uncle Pio and his wealth of knowledge; he hired him for various matters. Despite his impaired judgment, Don Andrés had kept one skill: he was excellent at managing confidential servants. He treated Uncle Pio with great care and some respect; he knew which tasks to avoid asking him to do, and he recognized his need for variety and breaks. Uncle Pio, in turn, was constantly amazed that a prince used his position so little for power, fantasy, or simply enjoying the manipulation of other people's lives. However, the servant admired the master because he could quote any of Cervantes' prefaces and still had a little Castilian flair in his speech. Many mornings, Uncle Pio entered the Palace through corridors where he encountered only a confessor or a discreet enforcer and sat with the Viceroy over his morning chocolate.

But for all his activity nothing made Uncle Pio rich. One would have said that he abandoned a venture when it threatened to prosper. Although no one knew it, he owned a house. It was full of dogs that could add and multiply and the top floor was reserved for birds. But even in this kingdom he was lonely, and proud in his loneliness, as though there resided a certain superiority in such a solitude. Finally he stumbled upon an adventure that came like some strange gift from the skies and that combined the three great aims of his life: his passion for overseeing the lives of others, his worship of beautiful women, and his admiration for the treasures of Spanish literature. He discovered Camila Perichole. Her real name was Micaela Villegas. She was singing in cafés at the age of twelve and Uncle Pio had always been the very soul of cafés. Now as he sat among the guitarists and watched this awkward girl singing ballads, imitating every inflection of the more experienced singers who had preceded her, the determination entered his mind to play Pygmalion. He bought her. Instead of sleeping locked up in the wine bin, she inherited a cot in his house. He wrote songs for her, he taught her how to listen to the quality of her tone, and bought her a new dress. At first all she noticed was that it was wonderful not to be whipped, to be offered hot soups, and to betaught something. But it was Uncle Pio who was really dazzled. His rash experiment flourished beyond all prophecy. The little twelve-year-old, silent and always a little sullen, devoured work. He set her endless exercises in acting and mimicry; he set her problems in conveying the atmosphere of a song; he took her to the theatres and made her notice all the details of a performance. But it was from Camila as a woman that he was to receive his greatest shock. The long arms and legs were finally harmonized into a body of perfect grace. The almost grotesque and hungry face became beautiful. Her whole nature became gentle and mysterious and oddly wise; and it all turned to him. She could find no fault in him and she was sturdily loyal. They loved one another deeply but without passion. He resected the slight nervous shadow that crossed her face when he came too near her. But there arose out of this denial itself the perfume of a tenderness, that ghost of passion which, in the most unexpected relationship, can make even a whole lifetime devoted to irksome duty pass like a gracious dream.

But despite all his efforts, Uncle Pio never got rich. It seemed like he would give up on a project just when it was about to succeed. Though no one knew it, he owned a house filled with dogs that could add and multiply, and the top floor was reserved for birds. Even in this domain, he felt lonely, and there was a certain pride in his solitude, as if it gave him some kind of superiority. Eventually, he stumbled upon an unexpected adventure that felt like a strange gift from above, bringing together the three main passions of his life: supervising others’ lives, admiring beautiful women, and valuing the treasures of Spanish literature. He discovered Camila Perichole, whose real name was Micaela Villegas. She was singing in cafés by the age of twelve, and Uncle Pio had always been the heart of those cafés. As he sat among the guitarists, watching this awkward girl performing ballads and mimicking the nuances of the more experienced singers before her, he decided to become her mentor. He took her in. Instead of sleeping locked up in a wine cellar, she got a bed in his house. He wrote songs for her, taught her how to appreciate the quality of her voice, and bought her a new dress. At first, what struck her most was the joy of not being beaten, enjoying hot soups, and learning something new. But it was Uncle Pio who was truly mesmerized. His bold experiment succeeded beyond all expectations. The little twelve-year-old, quiet and often a bit sullen, embraced his teachings. He gave her endless acting exercises, challenged her to convey the mood of a song, and took her to theaters to observe every detail of a performance. However, it was as Camila grew into a woman that he experienced his greatest surprise. Her long arms and legs harmonized into a figure of flawless grace. Her once almost grotesque and hungry face became beautiful. Her entire essence turned gentle, mysterious, and strangely wise; and it all seemed to gravitate towards him. She found no fault in him and remained fiercely loyal. They loved each other deeply but without passion. He respected the slight nervousness that flickered across her face when he got too close. Yet from this restraint emerged a fragrant tenderness, that hint of passion which, in even the most unexpected relationships, can make a lifetime of tedious duty feel like a lovely dream.

They travelled a great deal, seeking new taverns, for the highest attribute of a café singer will always be her novelty. They went to Mexico, their odd clothes wrapped up in the self-same shawl. They slept on beaches, they were whipped at Panama and shipwrecked on some tiny Pacific islands plastered with the droppings of birds. They tramped through jungles delicately picking their way among snakes and beetles. They sold themselves out as harvesters in a hard season. Nothing in the world was very surprising to them.

They traveled a lot, looking for new bars, because the best thing about a café singer is always her uniqueness. They went to Mexico, their quirky clothes bundled up in the same shawl. They slept on beaches, got whipped at Panama, and ended up shipwrecked on some small Pacific islands covered in bird droppings. They trekked through jungles, carefully navigating around snakes and beetles. They sold themselves as harvesters during a tough season. Nothing in the world really surprised them.

Then began an even harder course of training for the girl, a regimen that resembled more the preparation for an acrobat. The instruction was a little complicated by the fact that her rise to favor was very rapid; and there was some danger that the applause she received would make her content with her work too soon. Uncle Pio never exactly beat her, but he resorted to a sarcasm that had terrors of its own.

Then started a much tougher training routine for the girl, one that felt more like preparing for an acrobat. The training was a bit complicated by her quick rise to popularity; there was a chance that the applause she got would make her too satisfied with her progress too soon. Uncle Pio never actually hit her, but he used sarcastic remarks that had their own kind of intimidation.

At the close of a performance Camila would return to her dressing room to find Uncle Pio whistling nonchalantly in one corner. She would divine his attitude at once and cry angrily:

At the end of a performance, Camila would head back to her dressing room to find Uncle Pio casually whistling in one corner. She would immediately pick up on his vibe and shout angrily:

"Now what is it? Mother of God, Mother of God, what is it now?"

"Now what is it? Oh my God, oh my God, what is it now?"

"Nothing, little pearl. My little Camila of Camilas, nothing."

"Nothing, little pearl. My little Camila of Camilas, nothing."

"There was something you didn't like. Ugly fault-finding thing that you are. Come on now, what was it? Look, I'm ready."

"There was something you didn't like. You're such a harsh critic. Come on, what was it? I'm all ears."

"No, little fish. Adorable morning star, I suppose you did as well as you could."

"No, little fish. Cute morning star, I guess you did your best."

The suggestion that she was a limited artist and that certain felicities would be forever closed to her never failed to make Camila frantic. She would burst into tears: "I wish I had never known you. You poison my whole life. You just think I did badly. It pleases you to pretend that I was bad. All right then, be quiet."

The idea that she was a limited artist and that some opportunities would always be out of reach drove Camila crazy. She would break down in tears: "I wish I had never met you. You ruin my entire life. You just believe I did poorly. It makes you happy to act like I was terrible. Fine then, just shut up."

Uncle Pio went on whistling.

Uncle Pio kept whistling.

"The fact is I know I was weak to-night, and don't need you to tell me so. So there. Now go away. I don't want to see you around. It's hard enough to play that part without coming back and finding you this way."

"The truth is I know I was weak tonight, and I don't need you to say it. So there. Now leave me alone. I don't want to see you here. It's hard enough to keep up this act without coming back and finding you like this."

Suddenly Uncle Pio would lean forward and ask with angry intensity: "Why did you take that speech to the prisoner so fast?"

Suddenly, Uncle Pio leaned forward and asked with intense anger, "Why did you rush that speech to the prisoner?"

More tears from the Perichole: "Oh God, let me die in peace! One day you tell me to go faster and another to go slower. Anyway I shall be crazy in a year or two and then it won't matter."

More tears from the Perichole: "Oh God, let me die in peace! One day you tell me to hurry up and the next day to take it easy. Either way, I'll be crazy in a year or two and then it won't matter."

More whistling.

More whistling.

"Besides the audience applauded as never before. Do you hear me? As never before. There! Too fast or too slow is nothing to them. They wept. I was divine. That's all I care for. Now be silent. Be silent."

"Besides, the crowd cheered like never before. Do you hear me? Like never before. There! Whether it's too fast or too slow doesn't matter to them. They cried. I was amazing. That's all that matters to me. Now be quiet. Be quiet."

He was absolutely silent.

He was completely silent.

"You may comb my hair, but if you say another word I shall never play again. You can find some other girl, that's all."

"You can brush my hair, but if you say one more word, I won't play again. You can find another girl, that's it."

Thereupon he would comb her hair soothingly for ten minutes, pretending not to notice the sobs that were shaking her exhausted body. At last she would turn quickly and catching one of his hands would kiss it frantically: "Uncle Pio, was I so bad? Was I a disgrace to you? Was it so awful that you left the theatre?"

He would then gently comb her hair for ten minutes, pretending not to see the sobs shaking her tired body. Finally, she would turn suddenly, grab one of his hands, and kiss it desperately: "Uncle Pio, was I that terrible? Was I a shame to you? Was it really so bad that you left the theater?"

After a long pause Uncle Pio would admit judiciously: "You were good in the scene on the ship."

After a long pause, Uncle Pio would thoughtfully say, "You did well in the scene on the ship."

"But I've been better, Uncle Pio. You remember the night you came back from Cuzco——?"

"But I've been better, Uncle Pio. You remember the night you returned from Cuzco——?"

"You were pretty good at the close."

"You did really well at the end."

"Was I?"

"Was I?"

"But my flower, my pearl, was the matter in the speech to the prisoner?"

"But my flower, my pearl, was the point of the talk with the prisoner?"

Here the Perichole would fling her face and arms upon the table amid the pomades, caught up into a tremendous fit of weeping. Only perfection would do, only perfection. And that had never come.

Here the Perichole would throw her face and arms on the table among the lotions, caught up in a huge fit of crying. Only perfection would suffice, only perfection. And that had never arrived.

Then beginning in a low voice Uncle Pio would talk for an hour, analyzing the play, entering into a world of finesse in matters of voice and gesture and tempo, and often until dawn they would remain there declaiming to one another the lordly conversation of Calderón.

Then, starting in a soft voice, Uncle Pio would talk for an hour, analyzing the play, diving into a world of subtlety in terms of voice, gesture, and pacing, and often they would stay there until dawn, reciting to each other the grand conversations of Calderón.

Whom were these two seeking to please? Not the audiences of Lima. They had long since been satisfied. We come from a world where we have known incredible standards of excellence, and we dimly remember beauties which we have not seized again; and we go back to that world. Uncle Pio and Camila Perichole were tormenting themselves in an effort to establish in Peru the standards of the theatres in some Heaven whither Calderón had preceded them. The public for which masterpieces are intended is not on this earth.

Who were these two trying to impress? Not the audiences of Lima. They had long been satisfied. We come from a world where we’ve experienced incredible standards of excellence, and we faintly remember beauties that we can’t grasp again; and we return to that world. Uncle Pio and Camila Perichole were stressing themselves out trying to bring to Peru the standards of the theaters in some Heaven that Calderón had reached before them. The audience for which masterpieces are made isn’t on this earth.

With the passing of time Camila lost some of this absorption in her art. A certain intermittent contempt for acting made her negligent. It was due to the poverty of interest in women's rôles throughout Spanish classical drama. At a time when the playwrights grouped about the courts of England and France (a little later, of Venice) were enriching the parts of women with studies in wit, charm, passion and hysteria, the dramatists of Spain kept their eyes on their heroes, on gentlemen torn between the conflicting claims of honour, or, as sinners, returning at the last moment to the cross. For a number of years Uncle Pio spent himself in discovering ways to interest the Perichole in the rôles that fell to her. Upon one occasion he was able to announce to Camila that a granddaughter of Vico de Barrera had arrived in Peru. Uncle Pio had long since communicated to Camila his veneration for great poets and Camila never questioned the view that they were a little above the kings and not below the saints. So it was in great excitement that the two of them chose one of the master's plays to perform before his granddaughter. They rehearsed the poem a hundred times, now in the great joy of invention, now in dejection. On the night of the performance Camila peering out between the folds of the curtain had Uncle Pio point out to her the little middle-aged woman worn with the cares of penury and a large family; but it seemed to Camila that she was looking at all the beauty and dignity in the world. As she waited for the lines that preceded her entrance she clung to Uncle Pio in reverent silence, her heart beating loudly. Between the acts she retired to the dusty corner of the warehouse where no one would find her and sat staring into the corners. At the close of the performance Uncle Pio brought the granddaughter of Vico de Barrera into Camila's room. Camila stood among the clothes that hung upon the wall, weeping with happiness and shame. Finally she flung herself on her knees and kissed the older woman's hands, and the older woman kissed hers, and while the audience went home and went to bed the Visitor remained telling Camila the little stories that had remained in the family, of Vico's work and of his habits.

As time went by, Camila started to lose some of her passion for her art. Her intermittent disdain for acting made her careless. This was because women’s roles in Spanish classical drama were so lacking in depth. While playwrights in England, France, and later Venice were enriching female characters with elements of wit, charm, passion, and hysteria, Spanish dramatists focused on their male heroes, highlighting gentlemen caught between conflicting notions of honor or, as sinners, returning to redemption at the last moment. For several years, Uncle Pio dedicated himself to finding ways to engage the Perichole in the roles that were available to her. One day, he excitedly informed Camila that a granddaughter of Vico de Barrera had arrived in Peru. Uncle Pio had long shared with Camila his deep respect for great poets, and she always believed they were somewhat greater than kings and not lower than saints. So, filled with excitement, the two of them chose one of the master’s plays to perform for his granddaughter. They rehearsed the poem dozens of times, feeling both the thrill of creativity and moments of despair. On the night of the performance, as Camila peeked out from between the curtains, Uncle Pio pointed out a little middle-aged woman, exhausted from the struggles of poverty and raising a large family; yet to Camila, she seemed to embody all the beauty and dignity in the world. While waiting for her lines before her entrance, she held onto Uncle Pio in silent reverence, her heart racing. During the intermissions, she would retreat to a dusty corner of the warehouse where no one could find her and sit lost in thought. After the performance, Uncle Pio brought Vico de Barrera’s granddaughter into Camila's room. Camila stood among the clothes hanging on the wall, weeping with joy and embarrassment. Finally, she fell to her knees and kissed the older woman’s hands, and the older woman kissed hers back. While the audience went home and settled in for the night, the visitor stayed, sharing with Camila the little stories that had been passed down in the family about Vico's work and his ways.

Uncle Pio was at his happiest when a new actress entered the company, for the discovery of a new talent at her side never failed to bestir the Perichole. To Uncle Pio (standing at the back of the auditorium, bent double with joy and malice) it seemed that the body of the Perichole had become an alabaster lamp in which a strong light had been placed. Without any resort to tricks or to false emphasis, she set herself to efface the newcomer. If the play were a comedy she became the very abstraction of wit, and (as was more likely) it was a drama of wronged ladies and implacable hates, the stage fairly smouldered with her emotion. Her personality became so electric that if she so much as laid her hand upon that of a fellow actor a sympathetic shudder ran through the audience. But such occasions of excellence became less and less frequent. As her technique became sounder, Camila's sincerity became less necessary. Even when she was absentminded the audience did not notice the difference and only Uncle Pio grieved.

Uncle Pio was at his happiest when a new actress joined the company, because the discovery of new talent always energized the Perichole. To Uncle Pio (standing at the back of the auditorium, doubled over with joy and mischief), it felt like the Perichole had transformed into an alabaster lamp filled with a bright light. Without any tricks or exaggeration, she set out to overshadow the newcomer. If the play was a comedy, she became the essence of wit, and if, as was more common, it was a drama about wronged women and unyielding feuds, the stage almost burned with her emotion. Her presence was so electric that if she simply touched a fellow actor, the audience would feel a sympathetic shiver. However, these moments of brilliance happened less and less often. As her technique improved, Camila's sincerity became less essential. Even when she was a bit distracted, the audience didn’t notice the difference, and only Uncle Pio was upset.

Camila had a very beautiful face, or rather a face beautiful save in repose. In repose one was startled to discover that the nose was long and thin, the mouth tired and a little childish, the eyes unsatisfied—a rather pinched peasant girl, dragged from the cafés-chantants and quite incapable of establishing any harmony between the claims of her art, of her appetites, of her dreams, and of her crowded daily routine. Each of these was a world in itself, and the warfare between them would soon have reduced to idiocy (or triviality) a less tenacious physique. We have seen that in spite of her discontent with her parts, the Perichole knew very well the joy that might reside in acting and warmed herself from time to time at that flame. But that of love attracted her more often, though with no greater assurance of happiness, until Jupiter himself sent her some pearls.

Camila had a very beautiful face, or rather a face that looked beautiful when she was relaxed. When she was at rest, you’d be surprised to see that her nose was long and thin, her mouth looked tired and a bit childish, and her eyes had a hint of dissatisfaction—a sort of pinched peasant girl, pulled away from the singing cafés and completely unable to find any balance between her artistic ambitions, her desires, her dreams, and her busy daily life. Each of these aspects was its own world, and the struggle between them would have worn down a less resilient person. As we’ve seen, despite her frustration with her roles, the Perichole understood the joy that could be found in acting and occasionally fed herself with that passion. But the lure of love drew her in more often, though it didn’t promise any more happiness, until Jupiter himself gifted her some pearls.

Don Andrés de Ribera, the Viceroy of Peru, was the remnant of a delightful man, broken by the table, the alcove, a grandeeship and ten years of exile. As a youth he had accompanied embassies to Versailles and Rome; he had fought in the wars in Austria; he had been in Jerusalem. He was a widower and childless of an enormous and wealthy woman; he had collected coins a little, wines, actresses, orders and maps. From the table he had received the gout; from the alcove a tendency to convulsions; from the grandeeship a pride so vast and puerile that he seldom heard anything that was said to him and talked to the ceiling in a perpetual monologue; from the exile, oceans of boredom, a boredom so persuasive that it was like pain,—he woke up with it and spent the day with it, and it sat by his bed all night watching his sleep. Camila was passing the years in the hard-working routine of the theatre, savoured by a few untidy love-affairs, when this Olympian personage (for he had a face and port fit to play gods and heroes on the scene) suddenly transported her to the most delicious midnight suppers at the Palace. Contrary to all the traditions of the stage and state she adored her elderly admirer; she thought she was going to be happy forever. Don Andrés taught the Perichole a great many things and to her bright eager mind that was one of the sweetest ingredients of love. He taught her a little French; to be neat and clean; the modes of address. Uncle Pio had taught her how great ladies carry themselves on great occasions; he taught her how they relax. Uncle Pio and Calderón had trained her in beautiful Spanish; Don Andrés furnished her with the smart slang of El Buen Retiro.

Don Andrés de Ribera, the Viceroy of Peru, was the shell of a once charming man, worn down by indulgence, prestige, and ten years of exile. In his youth, he had accompanied delegations to Versailles and Rome; he had fought in the wars in Austria; he had been to Jerusalem. He was a widower without children, having been married to an immensely wealthy woman; he had dabbled in coin collecting, wines, actresses, honors, and maps. From his indulgence, he had developed gout; from his liaisons, a tendency for convulsions; from his title, an overwhelming and childish pride that made him rarely listen to anyone and engage in a constant monologue directed at the ceiling; from his exile, he endured endless boredom—boredom so intense that it felt like pain; he woke up with it, spent his days with it, and it kept him company at night, watching him sleep. Camila was spending her years in the demanding routine of the theater, sprinkled with a few messy romances when this larger-than-life figure (with a face and bearing worthy of playing gods and heroes on stage) suddenly whisked her away to the most delightful midnight suppers at the Palace. Breaking away from all stage and societal norms, she idolized her older admirer, believing she would be happy forever. Don Andrés taught the Perichole many things, and to her bright and eager mind, that was one of the sweetest aspects of love. He taught her some French; to be tidy and presentable; the proper ways to address people. Uncle Pio had shown her how noble ladies conduct themselves on significant occasions; he taught her how they relax. Uncle Pio and Calderón had trained her in beautiful Spanish; Don Andrés provided her with the clever slang of El Buen Retiro.




300



Uncle Pio was made anxious by Camila's invitation from the Palace. He would have much preferred that she continue with her little vulgarian love-affairs in the theatrical ware-house. But when he saw that her art was gaining a new finish he was well content. He would sit in the back of the theatre, rolling about in his seat for sheer joy and amusement, watching the Perichole intimate to the audience that she frequented the great world about whom the dramatists wrote. She had a new way of fingering a wine-glass, of exchanging an adieu, a new way of entering a door that told everything. To Uncle Pio nothing else mattered. What was there in the world more lovely than a beautiful woman doing justice to a Spanish masterpiece?—a performance (he asks you), packed with observation, in which the very spacing of the words revealed a comment on life and on the text—delivered by a beautiful voice—illustrated by a faultless carriage, considerable personal beauty and irresistible charm. "We are almost ready to take this marvel to Spain," he would murmur to himself. After the performance he would go around to her dressing-room and say "Very good!" But before taking his leave he would manage to ask her where, in the name of the eleven thousand virgins of Cologne, she had acquired that affected way of saying Excelencia.

Uncle Pio felt anxious about Camila's invitation from the Palace. He would have much preferred if she had stuck to her little lowbrow love affairs in the theater. But once he noticed that her art was becoming more polished, he felt satisfied. He would sit at the back of the theater, shifting in his seat from sheer joy and amusement, watching the Perichole suggest to the audience that she mingled with the high society the playwrights wrote about. She had a new way of holding a wine glass, of saying goodbye, a new way of entering a room that revealed everything. For Uncle Pio, nothing else mattered. What could be more beautiful than a stunning woman doing justice to a Spanish masterpiece?—a performance (he would ask you) filled with insight, where the spacing of the words commented on life and the text—delivered with a beautiful voice—showcased by flawless posture, significant personal beauty, and irresistible charm. "We're almost ready to take this wonder to Spain," he would mumble to himself. After the show, he would visit her dressing room and say, "Very good!" But before he left, he would manage to ask her where, for the love of the eleven thousand virgins of Cologne, she had picked up that pretentious way of saying Excelencia.

After a time the Viceroy asked the Perichole whether it would amuse her to invite a few discreet guests to their midnight suppers, and he asked her whether she would like to meet the Archbishop. Camila was delighted. The Archbishop was delighted. On the eve of their first meeting he sent the actress an emerald pendant as big as a playing-card.

After a while, the Viceroy asked the Perichole if she would enjoy inviting a few discreet guests to their midnight dinners, and he asked if she would like to meet the Archbishop. Camila was thrilled. The Archbishop was excited too. The night before their first meeting, he sent the actress an emerald pendant the size of a playing card.

There was something in Lima that was wrapped up in yards of violet satin from which protruded a great dropsical head and two fat pearly hands; and that was its archbishop. Between the rolls of flesh that surrounded them looked out two black eyes speaking discomfort, kindliness and wit. A curious and eager soul was imprisoned in all this lard, but by dint of never refusing himself a pheasant or a goose or his daily procession of Roman wines, he was his own bitter jailer. He loved his cathedral; he loved his duties; he was very devout. Some days he regarded his bulk ruefully; but the distress of remorse was less poignant than the distress of fasting and he was presently found deliberating over the secret messages that a certain roast sends to the certain salad that will follow it. And to punish himself he led an exemplary life in every other respect.

There was something in Lima dressed in yards of violet satin, from which jutted a large, swollen head and two plump, shiny hands; that was its archbishop. Between the rolls of flesh that surrounded them were two black eyes that conveyed discomfort, kindness, and wit. A curious and eager spirit was trapped in all this fat, but by constantly indulging in pheasants, geese, and his daily selection of Roman wines, he became his own harsh jailer. He loved his cathedral; he loved his responsibilities; he was very devout. Some days, he looked at his size with a sense of regret; but the pain of guilt was less intense than the pain of fasting, and he was soon found contemplating the hidden messages that a certain roast sends to the specific salad that would follow it. To make up for it, he led an exemplary life in every other area.

He had read all the literature of antiquity and forgotten all about it except a general aroma of charm and disillusion. He had been learned in the Fathers and the Councils and forgotten all about them save a floating impression of dissensions that had no application to Peru. He had read all the libertine masterpieces of Italy and France and reread them annually; even in the torments of the stone (happily dissolved by drinking the water from the springs of Santa María de Cluxambuqua), he could find nothing more nourishing than the anecdotes of Brantôme and the divine Aretino.

He had read all the literature from ancient times and forgot all of it except for a general sense of charm and disillusionment. He had studied the Church Fathers and the Councils and forgotten all except for a vague feeling of conflicts that didn’t apply to Peru. He had read all the provocative masterpieces from Italy and France and revisited them every year; even during the painful experience of passing a kidney stone (which was fortunately resolved by drinking water from the springs of Santa María de Cluxambuqua), he found nothing more satisfying than the stories of Brantôme and the brilliant Aretino.

The Archbishop knew that most of the priests of Peru were scoundrels. It required all his delicate Epicurean education to prevent his doing something about it; he had to repeat over to himself his favourite notions: that the injustice and unhappiness in the world is a constant; that the theory of progress is a delusion; that the poor, never having known happiness, are insensible to misfortune. Like all the rich he could not bring himself to believe that the poor (look at their houses, look at their clothes) could really suffer. Like all the cultivated he believed that only the widely-read could be said to know that they were unhappy. On one occasion, the iniquities in his see having been called to his notice, he almost did something about it. He had just heard that it was becoming a rule in Peru for priests to exact two measures of meal for a fairly good absolution, and five measures, for a really effective one. He trembled with indignation; he roared to his secretary and bidding him bring up his writing materials, announced that he was going to dictate an overwhelming message to his shepherds. But there was no ink left in the inkwell; there was no ink left in the next room; there was no ink to be found in the whole palace. This state of things in his household so upset the good man that he fell ill of the combined rages and learned to guard himself against indignations.

The Archbishop knew that most of the priests in Peru were dishonest. It took all his refined Epicurean education to stop him from taking action; he had to keep reminding himself of his favorite beliefs: that injustice and suffering in the world are constant; that the idea of progress is a myth; that the poor, having never experienced happiness, are indifferent to misfortune. Like all wealthy people, he couldn't accept that the poor (just look at their houses, look at their clothes) could truly suffer. Like all educated people, he believed that only those who are well-read could truly understand that they were unhappy. On one occasion, when the injustices in his diocese were brought to his attention, he almost took action. He had just learned that it was becoming common in Peru for priests to demand two measures of grain for a decent absolution, and five measures for a more effective one. He shook with anger; he called for his secretary and asked him to bring his writing supplies, declaring that he was going to dictate a powerful message to his priests. But there was no ink left in the inkwell; there was no ink in the next room; there was no ink to be found anywhere in the palace. This situation within his household upset him so much that he became ill from the stress and learned to protect himself from anger.

The addition of the Archbishop to the suppers was so successful that Don Andrés began to think of new names. He had grown increasingly dependent upon Uncle Pio, but waited until Camila should propose his inclusion of her own accord. And in due time Uncle Pio brought with him that courser of the seas, the Captain Alvarado. Generally the reunion had been several hours under way before Camila was able to join them after her performance at the theatre. She would arrive towards one o'clock, radiant and bejewelled and very tired. The four men received her as they would a great queen. For an hour or so she would carry the conversation, but gradually reclining more and more against Don Andrés' shoulder she would follow the talk as it flitted from one humorous lined face to the other. All night they talked, secretly comforting their hearts that longed always for Spain and telling themselves that such a symposium was after the manner of the high Spanish soul. They talked about ghosts and second-sight, and about the earth before man appeared upon it and about the possibility of the planets striking against one another; about whether the soul can be seen, like a dove, fluttering away at the moment of death; they wondered whether at the second coming of Christ to Jerusalem, Peru would be long in receiving the news. They talked until the sun rose, about wars and kings, about poets and scholars, and about strange countries. Each one poured into the conversation his store of wise sad anecdotes and his dry regret about the race of men. The flood of golden light struck across the Andes and entering the great window fell upon the piles of fruit, the stained brocade upon the table, and the sweet thoughtful forehead of the Perichole as she lay sleeping against the sleeve of her protector. There would ensue a long pause, no one wishing to make the first move to go, and the glances of them all would rest upon this strange beautiful bird who lived among them. But Uncle Pio's glance had been upon her all night, a quick glance from his black eyes, full of tenderness and anxiety, resting on the great secret and reason of his life.

The addition of the Archbishop to the dinners was so successful that Don Andrés started thinking of new names. He had become more reliant on Uncle Pio, but he waited for Camila to suggest including him herself. Eventually, Uncle Pio showed up with the Captain Alvarado, a true adventurer. Typically, the gathering would be going on for several hours by the time Camila could join them after her performance at the theater. She would arrive around one o'clock, glowing and adorned with jewels, though clearly tired. The four men treated her like a queen. For about an hour, she would lead the conversation, but as she gradually leaned against Don Andrés’ shoulder, she would listen as the discussion bounced from one smiling face to another. They talked all night, secretly soothing their hearts that always longed for Spain, convincing themselves that this kind of gathering suited the lofty Spanish spirit. They discussed ghosts and clairvoyance, the world before humanity, the potential for planets colliding, and whether the soul could be seen like a dove taking flight at the moment of death. They wondered if by the time Christ returned to Jerusalem, Peru would still be waiting for the news. They chatted until dawn, touching on wars and kings, poets and scholars, and distant lands. Each person contributed their share of wise, melancholy stories and their dry regrets about humanity. The bright morning light poured over the Andes and streamed through the large window, illuminating the piles of fruit, the stained brocade on the table, and the peaceful, thoughtful face of the Perichole as she slept against her protector's sleeve. There would be a long silence, as no one wanted to be the first to leave, all their gazes resting on this unique, beautiful soul among them. But Uncle Pio’s gaze had remained fixed on her all night, his quick looks from his dark eyes filled with tenderness and worry, focused on the great secret and purpose of his life.

But Uncle Pio never ceased watching Camila. He divided the inhabitants of this world into two groups, into those who had loved and those who had not. It was a horrible aristocracy, apparently, for those who had no capacity for love (or rather for suffering in love) could not be said to be alive and certainly would not live again after their death. They were a kind of straw population, filling the world with their meaningless laughter and tears and chatter and disappearing still lovable and vain into thin air. For this distinction he cultivated his own definition of love that was like no other and that had gathered all its bitterness and pride from his odd life. He regarded love as a sort of cruel malady through which the elect are required to pass in their late youth and from which they emerge, pale and wrung, but ready for the business of living. There was (he believed) a great repertory of errors mercifully impossible to human beings who had recovered from this illness. Unfortunately there remained to them a host of failings, but at least (from among many illustrations) they never mistook a protracted amiability for the whole conduct of life, they never again regarded any human being, from a prince to a servant, as a mechanical object. Uncle Pio never ceased watching Camila because it seemed to him that she had never undergone this initiation. In the months that followed her introduction to the Viceroy he held his breath and waited. He held his breath for years. Camila bore the Viceroy three children, yet remained the same. He knew that the first sign of her entrance into the true possession of the world would be the mastery of certain effects in her acting. There were certain passages in the plays that she would compass some day, simply, easily, and with secret joy, because they alluded to the new rich wisdom of her heart; but her treatment of such passages became more and more cursory, not to say embarrassed. He presently saw that she had tired of Don Andrés and had returned to a series of furtive love-affairs with the actors and matadors and merchants of the town.

But Uncle Pio never stopped watching Camila. He split the people in this world into two groups: those who had loved and those who hadn't. It was a cruel kind of aristocracy because those who couldn’t love (or really, who couldn’t suffer for love) didn’t seem to be truly alive and definitely wouldn’t live on after death. They were like a hollow population, filling the world with their pointless laughter, tears, and chatter, only to vanish, charming yet empty, into thin air. For this reason, he developed his own unique definition of love, shaped by all the bitterness and pride from his unusual life. He saw love as a harsh illness that the chosen ones must experience in their early adulthood, emerging pale and worn but ready to engage with life. He believed there was a vast range of mistakes that people who had recovered from this ailment mercifully wouldn’t make. Unfortunately, they still had their share of flaws, but at least (to give an example) they never confused a long-term friendliness for the entirety of life, nor did they view any person, from a prince to a servant, as merely a machine. Uncle Pio never stopped watching Camila because he thought she had never gone through this transformation. In the months following her introduction to the Viceroy, he held his breath and waited. He held his breath for years. Camila had three children with the Viceroy but remained unchanged. He knew that the first sign of her truly engaging with the world would be her ability to master certain moments in her performances. There were specific lines in the plays that she would eventually deliver effortlessly, with secret delight, because they would reflect the new depth of her heart; yet, her approach to those lines grew increasingly superficial, if not awkward. He soon realized she had grown bored of Don Andrés and returned to a series of secret affairs with actors, bullfighters, and merchants in town.

She became more and more impatient of acting and another parasite found its way into her mind. She wanted to be a lady. She slowly contracted a greed for respectability and began to refer to her acting as a pastime. She acquired a duenna and some footmen and went to church at the fashionable hours. She attended the prize days at the University and appeared among the donors of the great charities. She even learned to read and write a little. Any faint discrimination against, her as a bohemian she challenged with fury. She led the Viceroy a horrible life with her passion for concessions and her gradual usurpation of privileges. The new vice displaced the old and she became noisily virtuous. She invented some parents and produced some cousins. She obtained an undocumented legitimatization of her children. In society she cultivated a delicate and languid magdelinism, as a great lady might, and she carried a candle in the penitential parades, side by side with ladies who had nothing to regret but an outburst of temper and a furtive glance into Descartes. Her sin had been acting and everyone knows that there were even saints who had been actors,—there was Saint Gelasius and Saint Genesius and Saint Margaret of Antioch and Saint Pelagia.

She became increasingly impatient with acting, and another parasite took hold of her thoughts. She wanted to be a lady. She gradually developed a longing for respectability and started calling her acting a hobby. She hired a chaperone and some footmen and began attending church at trendy times. She went to prize days at the University and appeared among the donors of major charities. She even learned to read and write a little. Any subtle discrimination against her as a bohemian she fiercely challenged. She made the Viceroy’s life miserable with her demands for privileges and her growing claim on social status. The new vice replaced the old, and she became loudly virtuous. She invented some parents and claimed some cousins. She even obtained an undocumented legitimation of her children. In society, she embraced a delicate and languid refinement, like a great lady, carrying a candle in the penitent parades alongside women who had nothing to regret but a brief outburst of anger and a sneaky glance at Descartes. Her sin had been acting, and everyone knows there were even saints who were actors—like Saint Gelasius, Saint Genesius, Saint Margaret of Antioch, and Saint Pelagia.

There was a fashionable watering place in the hills not far from Santa María de Cluxambuqua. Don Andrés had travelled in France and had thought to build himself a little mock Vichy; there was a pagoda, some drawing-rooms, a theatre, a little arena for bull-fights and some French gardens. Camila's health had never known a shadow, but she built herself a villa in the vicinity and sipped the hateful waters at eleven o'clock. The Marquesa de Montemayor has left a brilliant picture of this opéra bouffe paradise with the reigning divinity parading her fierce sensitiveness along the avenues of powdered shell and receiving the homage of all those who could not afford to offend the Viceroy. Doña María draws a portrait of this ruler, stately and weary, gambling all through the night in sums that would have raised another Escurial. And beside him she sets the portrait of his son, Camila's little Don Jaime. Don Jaime, at seven years, was a rachitic little body who seemed to have inherited not only his mother's forehead and eyes, but his father's liability to convulsions. He bore his pain with the silent bewilderment of an animal, and like an animal he was mortally ashamed when any evidences of it occurred in public. He was so beautiful that the more trivial forms of pity were hushed in his presence and his long thoughts about his difficulties had given his face a patient and startling dignity. His mother dressed him in garnet velvet, and when he was able he followed her about at a distance of several yards, extricating himself gravely from the ladies who tried to detain him in conversation. Camila was never cross to Don Jaime and she was never demonstrative. When the sun was shining the two could be seen walking along those artificial terraces in silence, Camila wondering when the felicity would begin that she had always associated with social position, Don Jaime rejoicing merely in the sunlight and anxiously estimating the approach of a cloud. They looked like figures that had strayed there from some remote country, or out of an old ballad, that had not yet learned the new language and had not yet found any friends.

There was a trendy spa in the hills not far from Santa María de Cluxambuqua. Don Andrés had traveled in France and wanted to build a little version of Vichy; it featured a pagoda, several drawing rooms, a theater, a small bullfighting arena, and some French gardens. Camila had never faced any health issues, but she built herself a villa nearby and drank the unpleasant waters at eleven o'clock. The Marquesa de Montemayor painted a vivid picture of this opéra bouffe paradise, with the reigning diva showing off her intense sensitivities along the pathways lined with powdered shells and receiving the admiration of those who couldn’t afford to offend the Viceroy. Doña María painted a portrait of this ruler, grand and weary, gambling all night in amounts that could have built another Escurial. Next to him, she depicted his son, Camila’s little Don Jaime. At seven years old, Don Jaime was a frail little boy who seemed to have inherited not just his mother’s forehead and eyes, but also his father’s propensity for convulsions. He endured his pain with the silent confusion of an animal, and like an animal, he felt intense shame whenever any signs of it showed in public. He was so beautiful that even the tiniest acts of pity fell silent in his presence, and the long moments he spent pondering his challenges had given his face a patient and striking dignity. His mother dressed him in garnet velvet, and when he could, he followed her at a distance, gravely extricating himself from the ladies who tried to draw him into conversation. Camila was never harsh with Don Jaime, nor was she ever overly affectionate. When the sun was shining, the two could be seen walking along those man-made terraces in silence, Camila pondering when the happiness she always linked to social status would begin, while Don Jaime simply enjoyed the sunlight and anxiously watched for the approach of a cloud. They looked like figures who had wandered there from some distant land or an old ballad, who had not yet learned the new language and had not yet found any friends.

Camila was about thirty when she left the stage and it required five years for her to achieve her place in society. She gradually became almost stout, though her head seemed to grow more beautiful every year. She took to overdressing and the floors of the drawing-rooms reflected a veritable tower of jewels and scarves and plumes. Her face and hands were covered with a bluish powder against which she drew an irritable mouth in scarlet and orange. The almost distraught fury of her temper was varied by the unnatural sweetness of her address in the company of the dowagers. In the earliest stages of her progress upward she had intimated to Uncle Pio that he was not to be seen with her in public, but finally she became impatient even of his discreeter visits. She conducted the interviews with formality and evasion. Her eyes never crossed his and she angled for pretexts to quarrel with him. Still he ventured out once a month to try her patience and when the call had become impossible he would climb the stairs and finish the hour among her children.

Camila was about thirty when she left the stage, and it took her five years to find her place in society. She gradually became almost plump, though her face seemed to get more beautiful each year. She started to overdo her outfits, and the drawing-room floors sparkled with a real display of jewels, scarves, and feathers. Her face and hands were covered in a bluish powder, against which she outlined an irritated mouth in red and orange. The almost frantic anger of her temper was balanced by an unnatural sweetness in her conversation with the older ladies. Early on in her rise, she had told Uncle Pio that he shouldn’t be seen with her in public, but eventually, she grew impatient even with his more discreet visits. She handled their meetings with formality and avoidance. Her eyes never met his, and she looked for excuses to argue with him. Still, he made an effort to visit once a month to test her patience, and when that became impossible, he would climb the stairs and spend the hour with her children.

One day he arrived at her villa in the hills and, through her maid, begged for an opportunity to talk with her. He was told that she would see him in the French gardens a little before sunset. He had come up from Lima on a strange sentimental impulse. Like all solitary persons he had invested friendship with a divine glamour: he imagined that the people he passed on the street, laughing together and embracing when they parted, the people who dined together with so many smiles,—you will scarcely believe me, but he imagined that they were extracting from all that congeniality great store of satisfaction. So that suddenly he was filled with the excitement of seeing her again, of being called "Uncle Pio," and of reviving for a moment the trust and humour of their long vagabondage.

One day he arrived at her villa in the hills and, through her maid, asked for a chance to talk with her. He was told she would meet him in the French gardens just before sunset. He had traveled from Lima on a strange burst of sentiment. Like all lonely people, he had given friendship an almost magical quality: he thought that the people he saw on the street, laughing together and hugging when they said goodbye, the people dining together with so many smiles—it's hard to believe, but he thought they were getting a lot of joy from all that camaraderie. Suddenly, he was filled with excitement at the thought of seeing her again, being called "Uncle Pio," and briefly reliving the trust and humor of their long journeys together.

The French Gardens were at the southern end of the town. Behind them rose the higher Andes and before them there was a parapet overlooking a deep valley and overlooking wave after wave of hills that stretched toward the Pacific. It was the hour when bats fly low and the smaller animals play recklessly underfoot. A few solitaries lingered about the gardens, gazing dreamily into the sky that was being gradually emptied of its colour, or leaned upon the balustrade and looked down into the valley, noting in which village a dog was barking. It was the hour when the father returns home from the fields and plays for a moment in the yard with the dog that jumps upon him, holding his muzzle closed or throwing him upon his back. The young girls look about for the first star to fix a wish upon it, and the boys grow restless for supper. Even the busiest mother stands for a moment idle-handed, smiling at her dear and exasperating family.

The French Gardens were at the southern edge of the town. Behind them rose the taller Andes, and in front was a parapet overlooking a deep valley and a series of hills that stretched towards the Pacific. It was the time when bats flew low and smaller animals played recklessly underfoot. A few people lingered in the gardens, dreamily gazing at the sky as it gradually lost its color, or leaning on the railing and looking down into the valley, noting where a dog was barking in which village. It was the time when fathers returned home from the fields and played for a moment in the yard with the dog jumping on him, covering his mouth or rolling him onto his back. Young girls looked for the first star to make a wish, while boys grew restless for dinner. Even the busiest mother paused for a moment, hands empty, smiling at her beloved and frustrating family.

Uncle Pio stood against one of the chipped marble benches and watched Camila coming towards him:

Uncle Pio leaned against one of the worn marble benches and watched Camila walk toward him:

"I am late," she said. "I am sorry. What is it you wish to say to me?"

"I'm late," she said. "I'm sorry. What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Camila,—" he began.

"Camila," he started.

"My name is Doña Micaela."

"I'm Doña Micaela."

"I do not wish to offend you, Doña Micaela, but when you let me call you Camila for twenty years, I should think——"

"I don’t want to upset you, Doña Micaela, but after you let me call you Camila for twenty years, I would think——"

"Oh, do as you like. Do as you like."

"Oh, do whatever you want. Do whatever you want."

"Camila, promise me that you will listen to me. Promise me that you will not run away at my first sentence."

"Camila, promise me you'll listen to me. Promise me you won't run away at the first thing I say."

At once she burst out with unexpected passion: "Uncle Pio, listen to me. You are mad if you think you can make me return to the theatre. I look back at the theatre with horror. Understand that. The theatre! The theatre, indeed! The daily payment of insults in that filthy place. Understand that you are wasting your time."

At once she exclaimed with surprising intensity, "Uncle Pio, you need to hear me out. You're crazy if you think I would go back to the theater. Looking back at the theater fills me with dread. Get that through your head. The theater! The theater, really! The constant barrage of insults in that disgusting place. Just know that you're wasting your time."

He answered gently: "I would not have you come back if you are happy with these new friends."

He replied softly, "I wouldn’t want you to come back if you’re happy with these new friends."

"You don't like my new friends, then?" she answered quickly. "Whom do you offer me in their stead?"

"You don't like my new friends, do you?" she responded promptly. "Who do you suggest I hang out with instead?"

"Camila, I only remember ..."

"Camila, I only recall ..."

"I will not be criticized. I don't want any advice. It will be cold in a moment, I must go back to my house. Just give me up, that's all. Just put me out of your mind."

"I won't be judged. I don't want any suggestions. It's going to get cold soon, and I need to head back home. Just forget about me, that’s all. Just take me out of your thoughts."

"Dear Camila, don't be angry. Let me talk to you. Just suffer me for ten minutes."

"Dear Camila, please don’t be mad. Let me talk to you. Just bear with me for ten minutes."

He did not understand why she was weeping. He did not know what to say. He talked at random: "You never even come to see the theatre, and they all notice it. The audiences are falling away now, too. They only put on the Old Comedy twice a week; all the other nights there are these new farces in prose. All is dull and childish and indecent. No one can speak Spanish any more. No one can even walk correctly any more. On Corpus Christi Day they gave Belshazzar's Feast where you were so wonderful. Now it was shameful."

He didn’t get why she was crying. He didn’t know what to say. He just spoke randomly: "You never even come to see the theater, and everyone notices. The audience is thinning out too. They only put on the Old Comedy twice a week; on the other nights, they have these new farces in prose. Everything feels dull, childish, and inappropriate. No one even speaks Spanish anymore. No one can even walk properly anymore. On Corpus Christi Day, they had Belshazzar's Feast where you were amazing. Now it’s just embarrassing."

There was a pause. A beautiful procession of clouds, like a flock of sheep, was straying up from the sea, slipping up the valleys between the hills. Camila suddenly touched his knee, and her face was like her face twenty years before: "Forgive me, Uncle Pio, for being so bad. Jaime was ill this afternoon. There's nothing one can do. He lies there, so white and ... so surprised. One must just think of other things. Uncle Pio, it would be no good if I went back to the theatre. The audiences come for the prose farces. We were foolish to try and keep alive the Old Comedy. Let people read the old plays in books if they choose to. It is not worth while fighting with the crowd."

There was a pause. A beautiful group of clouds, like a flock of sheep, was drifting up from the sea, weaving through the valleys between the hills. Camila suddenly touched his knee, and her face looked exactly like it had twenty years ago: "Forgive me, Uncle Pio, for being so difficult. Jaime was sick this afternoon. There’s not much anyone can do. He’s lying there, so pale and... so taken aback. One just has to distract themselves with other thoughts. Uncle Pio, it wouldn’t make sense for me to go back to the theater. The audiences come for the light comedies. We were naive to think we could keep the Old Comedy alive. Let people read the old plays in books if they want to. It’s not worth fighting against the crowd."

"Wonderful Camila, I was not just to you when you were on the stage. It was some foolish pride in me. I grudged you the praise that you deserved. Forgive me. You have always been a very great artist. If you come to see that you are not happy among these people you might think about going to Madrid. You would have a great triumph there. You are still young and beautiful. There will be time later to be called Doña Micaela. We shall be old soon. We shall be dead soon."

"Wonderful Camila, I wasn’t just to you when you were on stage. It was some foolish pride in me. I begrudged you the praise that you deserved. Forgive me. You have always been a truly great artist. If you realize that you’re not happy among these people, you might want to consider going to Madrid. You would have an amazing triumph there. You’re still young and beautiful. There will be time later to be called Doña Micaela. We’ll be old soon. We’ll be dead soon."

"No, I shall never see Spain. All the world is alike, Madrid or Lima."

"No, I'll never see Spain. The whole world is the same, Madrid or Lima."

"Oh, if we could go away to some island where the people would know you for yourself. And love you."

"Oh, if we could escape to some island where people would know you for who you are. And love you."

"You are fifty years old and you are still dreaming of such islands, Uncle Pio."

"You’re fifty years old and you’re still dreaming of places like that, Uncle Pio."

He bent his head and mumbled: "Of course I love you, Camila, as I always must and more than I can say. To have known you is enough for my whole life. You are a great lady now. And you are rich. There is no longer any way that I can help you. But I am always ready."

He lowered his head and said softly, "Of course I love you, Camila, just as I always have and more than I can express. Knowing you has been enough for my entire life. You’re an amazing woman now. And you have wealth. There's no longer any way I can assist you. But I'm always here for you."

"How absurd you are," she said smiling. "You said that as boys say it. You don't seem to learn as you grow older, Uncle Pio. There is no such thing as that kind of love and that kind of island. It's in the theatre you find such things."

"How ridiculous you are," she said with a smile. "You say that like boys do. You don’t seem to learn as you get older, Uncle Pio. There’s no such thing as that kind of love or that kind of island. You only find those things in the theater."

He look shamefaced, but unconvinced.

He looked embarrassed but unconvinced.

At last she rose and said sadly: "What are we talking about! It is growing cold. I must be going in. You must be resigned. I have no heart for the theatre." There was a pause. "And for the rest?... Oh, I do not understand. It is just circumstance. I must be what I must. Do not try to understand either. Don't think about me, Uncle Pio. Just forgive, that's all. Just try to forgive."

At last, she stood up and said sadly, "What are we even talking about? It's getting cold. I need to head inside. You have to accept it. I'm not in the mood for the theater." There was a pause. "And as for everything else?... Oh, I just don’t get it. It's simply circumstance. I have to be who I am. Don't try to understand either. Don't worry about me, Uncle Pio. Just forgive me, that’s all. Just try to forgive."

She stood still a moment, searching for something deeply felt to say to him. The first cloud reached the terrace; it was dark; the last stragglers were leaving the gardens. She was thinking of Don Jaime, and of Don Andrés and of himself. She could not find the words. Suddenly she bent down and kissed his fingers and went quickly away. But he sat for a long time in the gathering clouds trembling with happiness and trying to penetrate into the meaning of these things.

She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to express how she felt about him. The first cloud rolled onto the terrace; it was dark, and the last few people were leaving the gardens. She thought about Don Jaime, Don Andrés, and him. She couldn’t find the words. Then, without warning, she leaned down, kissed his fingers, and hurried away. But he remained sitting there for a long time under the darkening clouds, filled with happiness and trying to understand what it all meant.

Suddenly the news was all over Lima. Doña Micaela Villegas, the lady that used to be Camila the Perichole, had the small-pox. Several hundred other persons had the small-pox also, but popular interest and malignity were concentrated upon the actress. A wild hope ran about the town that the beauty would be impaired that had enabled her to despise the class from which she sprang. The news escaped from the sick-room that Camila had become ludicrous in homeliness and the cup of the envious overflowed. As soon as she was able she had herself carried from the city to her villa in the hills; she ordered the sale of her elegant little palace. She returned her jewels to their givers and she sold her fine clothes. The Viceroy, the Archbishop, and the few men at court who had been her sincerest admirers besieged her door still with messages and gifts; the messages were ignored and the gifts were returned without comment. No one but her nurse and maids had been permitted to see her since the commencement of her illness. As an answer to his repeated attempts Don Andrés received a large sum of money from her with a letter compounded of all that is possible in bitterness and pride.

Suddenly, the news spread throughout Lima. Doña Micaela Villegas, the woman who used to be Camila the Perichole, had smallpox. Several hundred others also had smallpox, but the public's attention and malice were focused on the actress. A wild hope circulated in the town that her beauty, which had allowed her to look down on her origins, would be ruined. Rumors leaked from her sickroom that Camila had become laughably plain, and the envy of others grew stronger. As soon as she could, she had herself taken from the city to her villa in the hills; she ordered the sale of her stylish little palace. She returned her jewels to those who had given them to her and sold her beautiful clothes. The Viceroy, the Archbishop, and a few men at court who had been her genuine admirers continued to send her messages and gifts; she ignored the messages and returned the gifts without a word. No one except her nurse and maids was allowed to see her since her illness began. In response to his repeated attempts to reach her, Don Andrés received a large sum of money from her along with a letter filled with bitterness and pride.

Like all beautiful women who have been brought up amid continual tributes to her beauty she assumed without cynicism that it must necessarily be the basis of anyone's attachment to herself; henceforth any attention paid to her must spring from a pity full of condescension and faintly perfumed with satisfaction at so complete a reversal. This assumption that she need look for no more devotion now that her beauty had passed proceeded from the fact that she had never realized any love save love as passion. Such love, though it expends itself in generosity and thoughtfulness, though it give birth to visions and to great poetry, remains among the sharpest expressions of self-interest. Not until it has passed through a long servitude, through its own self-hatred, through mockery, through great doubts, can it take its place among the loyalties. Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday. As her friends continued in their efforts to draw her again into society she grew more and more angry and dispatched insulting messages to the city. It was said for a time that she was retiring into religion. But new rumours that all was fury and despair on the little farm, contradicted the old. For those near to her the despair was fearful to behold. She was convinced that her life was over, her life and children's. In her hysterical pride she had given back more than she owed and the approach of poverty was added to the loneliness and the gloom of her future. There was nothing left for her to do but to draw out her days in jealous solitude in the center of the little farm that was falling into decay. She brooded for hours upon the joy of her enemies and could be heard striding about her room with strange cries.

Like many beautiful women raised with constant praise for their looks, she naively believed that beauty was the sole reason anyone would be attached to her; any attention she received must come from a condescending pity mixed with a hint of satisfaction at her fall from grace. This belief that she needed no deeper devotion now that her beauty had faded stemmed from the fact that she had never known love beyond a passionate kind. Such love, while marked by generosity and thoughtfulness and capable of inspiring great poetry, is still one of the most self-interested forms of affection. Only after enduring a long period of servitude to it, feeling self-hatred, facing mockery, and grappling with deep doubts can love elevate itself to true loyalty. Many who have spent years in this kind of love can share less about it than a child who just lost a pet. As her friends tried to reintroduce her to society, she became increasingly angry and sent insulting messages to the city. For a while, it was rumored that she was turning to religion. But new gossip suggested that all was chaos and despair on her little farm, contradicting the earlier claims. Those close to her found her despair truly frightening. She believed her life, as well as her children's, was over. In her hysterical pride, she felt she had given back more than she owed, and the looming threat of poverty added to the loneliness and darkness of her future. All she could do was spend her days in envious isolation in the decaying little farm. She would spend hours brooding over her enemies' happiness and could be heard pacing around her room, letting out strange cries.

Uncle Pio did not allow himself to be discouraged. By dint of making himself useful to the children, by taking a hand in the management of the farm and by discreetly lending her some money he obtained his entrance into the house and even into the presence of its veiled mistress. But even then Camila, convinced in her pride that he pitied her, lashed him with the blade of her tongue and derived some strange comfort from heaping him with sneers. He loved her the more, understanding better than she did herself all the stages in the convalescence of her humiliated spirit. But one day an accident befell that lost him his share in her progress. He pushed open a door.

Uncle Pio didn’t let himself get discouraged. By making himself helpful to the kids, getting involved in running the farm, and discreetly lending her some money, he found his way into the house and even into the presence of its veiled mistress. But even then, Camila, proud and convinced he pitied her, lashed out at him with her words and took some strange comfort in ridiculing him. He loved her even more, understanding better than she did the stages of her healing spirit. But one day, an accident occurred that made him lose his place in her recovery. He pushed open a door.

She thought she had locked it. For just one hour a foolish secret hope had come to her; she wondered whether she could make a paste of chalk and cream to spread upon her face. She who had sneered so often at the befloured grandmothers of the court wondered for a few moments whether she had learned anything on the stage that would aid her now. She thought she had locked the door and with hurried hands and beating heart she laid on the coat, the grotesque pallor, and as she gazed into the mirror and recognized the futility of her attempt she caught the image of Uncle Pio standing in the door amazed. She rose from the chair with a cry and covered her face with her hands.

She thought she had locked it. For just one hour, a foolish glimmer of hope filled her; she wondered if she could mix chalk and cream to put on her face. She, who had often laughed at the overly decorated grandmothers of the court, briefly considered whether she had learned anything from the stage that might help her now. She believed she had locked the door, and with her heart racing, she put on the coat and the bizarre makeup. As she looked into the mirror and realized how pointless her effort was, she caught sight of Uncle Pio standing in the doorway, stunned. She jumped up from the chair with a gasp and covered her face with her hands.

"Go away. Go away out of my house forever," she screamed. "I never want to see you again." In her shame she drove him out with blasphemy and hatred, she pursued him down the corridor and hurled objects down the stairs. She gave her farmer orders that Uncle Pio was forbidden to come into the grounds. But he continued for a week trying to see her again. At last he went back to Lima; he filled in the time as best he could, but he longed to be by her as a boy of eighteen would long. At last he devised a stratagem and returned up into the hills to put it into effect.

"Leave me alone. Get out of my house forever," she yelled. "I never want to see you again." In her anger, she drove him away with curses and loathing, chasing him down the hall and throwing things down the stairs. She instructed her farmer to make sure Uncle Pio was not allowed on the property. But he kept trying to see her for a week. Eventually, he returned to Lima; he tried to fill his time as best he could, but he ached to be near her like an eighteen-year-old would. Finally, he came up with a plan and went back into the hills to put it into action.

One morning before dawn he arose and lay on the ground below her window. He imitated in the darkness the sound of weeping, and, as nearly as he could, of a young girl's weeping. He continued in this for the whole quarter of an hour. He did not let his voice rise above that degree of loudness which Italian musicians would represent by the direction piano, but he frequently intermitted the sound trusting that if she were asleep it would insinuate itself into her mind as well by duration as by degree. The air was cool and agreeable. The first faint streak of sapphire was appearing behind the peaks and in the east the star of morning was pulsating every moment with a more tender intention. A profound silence wrapped all the farm buildings, only an occasional breeze set all the grasses sighing. Suddenly a lamp was lit in her room and a moment later the shutter was thrown back and a head wrapped in veils leaned far out.

One morning before dawn, he got up and lay on the ground under her window. He mimicked the sound of crying in the dark, trying to sound as much like a young girl as possible. He kept this up for a whole fifteen minutes. He didn’t raise his voice louder than what Italian musicians would mark as piano, but he often paused, hoping that if she were asleep, the sound would seep into her mind through both its duration and softness. The air was cool and pleasant. The first light of dawn was showing behind the peaks, and in the east, the morning star was glowing more gently with each moment. A deep silence covered all the farm buildings, broken only by the occasional breeze rustling the grass. Suddenly, a lamp was lit in her room, and a moment later, the shutter swung open, revealing a head wrapped in veils leaning far out.

"Who is there?" asked the beautiful voice.

"Who’s there?" asked the beautiful voice.

Uncle Pio remained silent.

Uncle Pio stayed quiet.

Camila said again in a tone edged with impatience:

Camila said again, her tone filled with impatience:

"Who is there? Who is there weeping?"

"Who's there? Who's crying?"

"Doña Micaela, my lady, I beg of you to come here to me."

"Doña Micaela, my lady, please come here to me."

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"I am a poor girl. I am Estrella. I beg of you to come and help me. Do not call your maid. I pray you, Doña Micaela, to come yourself."

"I’m a poor girl. I’m Estrella. I’m begging you to come and help me. Please don’t call your maid. I’m asking you, Doña Micaela, to come yourself."

Camila was silent a moment, then said abruptly: "Very well," and closed the shutter. Presently she appeared around the corner of the house. She wore a thick cloak that dragged in the dew. She stood at a distance and said: "Come over here to where I am standing,—Who are you?"

Camila was quiet for a moment, then suddenly said, "Alright," and shut the shutter. A little while later, she came around the corner of the house. She was wearing a heavy cloak that soaked in the dew. She stood at a distance and said, "Come over here to where I am standing—Who are you?"

Uncle Pio rose up. "Camila, it is I,—Uncle Pio. Forgive me, but I must speak to you."

Uncle Pio stood up. "Camila, it's me—Uncle Pio. I'm sorry, but I have to talk to you."

"Mother of God, when shall I be free of this dreadful person! Understand: I want to see no one. I don't want to speak to a soul. My life is over. That is all."

"Mother of God, when will I be free of this awful person! Understand this: I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. My life is over. That's all."

"Camila, by our long life together, I beg of you to grant me one thing. I shall go away and never trouble you again."

"Camila, after all our years together, I ask you for one thing. I will leave and never cause you any more trouble."

"I grant you nothing, nothing. Stay away from me."

"I’m not giving you anything, nothing at all. Just stay away from me."

"I promise you I shall never trouble you again if you listen to me this once." She was hurrying around to the door on the other side of the house and Uncle Pio was obliged to run beside her to make sure that she heard what he was saying. She stopped:

"I promise I won't bother you again if you just listen to me this one time." She was rushing to the door on the other side of the house, and Uncle Pio had to run alongside her to ensure she heard what he was saying. She paused:

"What is it then? Hurry. It is cold. I am not well. I must go back to my room."

"What is it? Hurry up. It's cold. I'm not feeling well. I need to go back to my room."

"Camila, let me take Don Jaime for a year to live with me in Lima. Let me be his teacher. Let me teach him the Castilian. Here he is left among the servants. He is learning nothing."

"Camila, let me take Don Jaime to live with me in Lima for a year. Let me be his teacher. Let me teach him Spanish. Right now, he's stuck with the servants. He's not learning anything."

"No."

"Nope."

"Camila, what will become of him? He has a good mind and he wants to learn."

"Camila, what’s going to happen to him? He’s smart and eager to learn."

"He is sick. He is delicate. Your house is a sty. Only the country is good for him."

"He’s unwell. He’s sensitive. Your house is a mess. Only the countryside is good for him."

"But he has been much better these last few months. I promise you I shall clean out my house. I shall apply to Madre María del Pilar for a housekeeper. Here he is in your stables all day. I shall teach him all that a gentleman should know,—fencing and Latin and music. We shall read all...."

"But he's been a lot better these last few months. I promise I will clean out my house. I will ask Madre María del Pilar for a housekeeper. He’s been in your stables all day. I’ll teach him everything a gentleman should know—fencing, Latin, and music. We’ll read all..."

"A mother cannot be separated from her child like that. It is impossible. You are crazy to have thought of it. Give up thinking of me and of everything about me. I no longer exist. I and my children will get on as best we can. Do not try to disturb me again. I do not want to see any human being."

"A mother can't just be separated from her child like that. It's impossible. You're out of your mind for even considering it. Stop thinking about me and everything related to me. I no longer exist. My kids and I will manage as best as we can. Don't try to disturb me again. I don't want to see anyone."

Now it was that Uncle Pio felt obliged to use a hard measure. "Then pay me the money that you owe me," he said.

Now Uncle Pio felt he had to take a tough stance. "Then pay me the money you owe me," he said.

Camila stood still, confounded. To herself she said: "Life is too fearful to bear. When may I die?" After a moment she answered him, in a hoarse voice: "I have very little money. I will pay you what I can. I will pay you now. I have a few jewels here. Then we need never see one another again." She was ashamed of her poverty. She took a few steps, then turned and said: "Now I see that you are a very hard man. But it is right that I pay you what I owe you."

Camila stood there, confused. She thought to herself, "Life is too terrifying to handle. When can I die?" After a moment, she spoke to him in a shaky voice: "I don't have much money. I’ll pay you what I can. I can pay you now. I have a few jewels here. Then we’ll never have to see each other again." She felt embarrassed about her lack of money. She took a few steps, then turned and said, "Now I realize you’re a very tough person. But it’s only fair that I pay you what I owe."

"No, Camila, I only said that to enforce my request. I shall take no money from you. But lend me Don Jaime for one year. I shall love him and take every care of him. Did I harm you? Was I a bad teacher to you in those other years?"

"No, Camila, I only said that to support my request. I won’t take any money from you. But please lend me Don Jaime for one year. I will love him and take good care of him. Did I hurt you? Was I a bad teacher to you all those years?"

"It is cruel of you to keep urging gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I was grateful,—good, good! but now that I am no longer the same woman there remains nothing to be grateful for." There was a silence. Her eyes were resting on the star that seemed to be leading forth the whole sky in its wonder. A great pain lay at her heart, the pain of a world that was meaningless. Then she said: "If Jaime wishes to go with you, very well. I shall talk to, him in the morning. If he wishes to go with you, you will find him at the Inn about noon. Good night. Go with God."

"It's cruel of you to keep pushing for gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I was grateful—fine, fine! But now that I'm not the same woman anymore, there's nothing left to be grateful for." There was a pause. Her eyes were fixed on the star that seemed to guide the entire sky in its amazement. A deep pain weighed on her heart, the pain of a world that felt pointless. Then she said: "If Jaime wants to go with you, that's fine. I'll talk to him in the morning. If he decides to go with you, you'll find him at the Inn around noon. Good night. Go with God."

"Go with God."

"Bless up."




300



She returned to the house. The next day the grave little boy appeared at the Inn. His fine clothes were torn and stained now and he carried a small bundle for change. His mother had given him a gold piece for spending-money and a little stone that shown in the dark to look at in his sleepless nights. They set off together in a cart, but soon Uncle Pio became aware that the jolting was not good for the boy. He carried him on his shoulder. As they drew near to the bridge of San Luis Rey, Jaime tried to conceal his shame for he knew that one of those moments was coming that separated him from other people. He was especially ashamed because Uncle Pio had just overtaken a friend of his, a sea-captain. And just as they got to the bridge he spoke to an old lady who was travelling with a little girl. Uncle Pio said that when they had crossed the bridge they would sit down and rest, but it turned out not to be necessary.

She went back to the house. The next day, the serious little boy showed up at the Inn. His nice clothes were now torn and stained, and he carried a small bundle for change. His mother had given him a gold coin for spending money and a small stone that glowed in the dark to look at during his sleepless nights. They set off together in a cart, but soon Uncle Pio realized that the bumps were not good for the boy. He carried him on his shoulder. As they got close to the bridge of San Luis Rey, Jaime tried to hide his embarrassment because he knew one of those moments was approaching that set him apart from others. He felt especially embarrassed because Uncle Pio had just met up with a friend of his, a sea captain. Just as they reached the bridge, he spoke to an older woman who was traveling with a little girl. Uncle Pio said that once they crossed the bridge, they would sit down and rest, but it turned out not to be necessary.







PART FIVE: PERHAPS AN INTENTION

PART FIVE: MAYBE A PURPOSE



A NEW bridge of stone has been built in the place of the old, but the event has not been forgotten. It has passed into proverbial expressions. "I may see you Tuesday," says a Limean, "unless the bridge falls." "My cousin lives by the bridge of San Luis Rey," says another, and a smile goes around the company, for that also means: under the sword of Damocles. There are some poems about the accident, classics to be found in every Peruvian anthology, but the real literary monument is Brother Juniper's book.

A NEW stone bridge has been built where the old one stood, but people haven't forgotten the event. It's become a part of everyday expressions. "I might see you Tuesday," says a Limean, "unless the bridge falls." "My cousin lives near the bridge of San Luis Rey," says another, and everyone smiles because that also means: living under the sword of Damocles. There are some poems about the accident, classics you can find in any Peruvian anthology, but the true literary monument is Brother Juniper's book.

There are a hundred ways of wondering at circumstance. Brother Juniper would never have arrived at his method had it not been for his friendship with a certain master in the University of San Martín. This student's wife had stolen away one morning on a boat for Spain, following a soldier, and had left him the care of two daughters in their cradle. He was possessed of all the bitterness that Brother Juniper lacked and derived a sort of joy from the conviction that all was wrong in the world. He whispered into the Franciscan's ear such thoughts and anecdotes as belied the notion of a guided world. For a moment a look of distress, almost of defeat, would come into the Brother's eyes; then he would begin patiently explaining why such stories held no difficulty for a believer. "There was a queen of Naples and Sicily," the student would say, "who discovered that she was carrying an angry tumor in her side. In great dismay she commanded her subjects to fall to their prayers and ordered that all the garments in Sicily and Naples be sewn with votive crosses. She was well loved by her people and all their prayers and embroideries were sincere, but ineffectual. Now she lies in the splendor of Monreale, and a few inches above her heart may be read the words: I shall fear no evil."

There are a hundred ways to marvel at circumstances. Brother Juniper would never have found his method if it hadn't been for his friendship with a certain professor at the University of San Martín. This professor's wife had left one morning on a boat to Spain, chasing after a soldier, and had left him to care for their two daughters in their cribs. He was full of the bitterness that Brother Juniper lacked and found a twisted sort of joy in the belief that everything was wrong in the world. He shared with the Franciscan such thoughts and stories that contradicted the idea of a guided world. For a moment, a look of distress, almost defeat, would appear in the Brother's eyes; then he would patiently explain why such stories posed no challenge for a believer. "There was a queen of Naples and Sicily," the professor would say, "who discovered that she had a painful tumor in her side. In great distress, she ordered her subjects to pray and decreed that all the clothes in Sicily and Naples be sewn with votive crosses. She was beloved by her people, and all their prayers and embroidery were genuine, but ultimately useless. Now she lies in the splendor of Monreale, and a few inches above her heart, you can read the words: I shall fear no evil."

It was by dint of hearing a great many such sneers at faith that Brother Juniper became convinced that the world's time had come for proof, tabulated proof, of the conviction that was so bright and exciting within him. When the pestilence visited his dear village of Puerto and carried off a large number of peasants, he secretly drew up a diagram of the characteristics of fifteen victims and fifteen survivors, the statistics of their value sub specie aeternitatis. Each soul was rated upon a basis of ten as regards its goodness, its diligence in religious observance, and its importance to its family group. Here is a fragment of this ambitious chart:

It was from hearing a lot of sneers about faith that Brother Juniper became convinced that it was time for the world to have proof—solid proof—of the belief that fired him up inside. When the plague hit his beloved village of Puerto and took a significant number of villagers, he secretly created a chart comparing the traits of fifteen victims and fifteen survivors, analyzing their worth sub specie aeternitatis. He rated each soul on a scale of ten based on their goodness, their commitment to religious practices, and their significance to their family. Here’s a slice of this ambitious chart:

  Goodness Piety Usefulness
Alfonso G.   4    4 10
Nina   2    5 10
Manuel B. 10  10   0
Alfonso V. -8 -10 10
Vera N.   0  10 10

The thing was more difficult than he had foreseen. Almost every soul in a difficult frontier community turned out to be indispensable economically, and the third column was all but useless. The examiner was driven to the use of minus terms when he confronted the personal character of Alfonso V., who was not, like Vera N., merely bad: he was a propagandist for badness and not merely avoided church but led others to avoid it. Vera N. was indeed bad, but she was a model worshipper and the mainstay of a full hut. From all this saddening data Brother Juniper contrived an index for each peasant. He added up the total for victims and compared it with the total for survivors, to discover that the dead were five times more worth saving. It almost looked as though the pestilence had been directed against the really valuable people in the village of Puerto. And on that afternoon Brother Juniper took a walk along the edge of the Pacific. He tore up his findings and cast them into the waves; he gazed for an hour upon the great clouds of pearl that hang forever upon the horizon of that sea, and extracted from their beauty a resignation that he did not permit his reason to examine. The discrepancy between faith and the facts is greater than is generally assumed.

The situation was harder than he had expected. Nearly everyone in a tough frontier community turned out to be crucial for its economy, while the third column was basically useless. The examiner found himself using negative terms when he looked at the character of Alfonso V., who was not just bad like Vera N.; he actively promoted bad behavior and not only stayed away from church but encouraged others to do the same. Vera N. was indeed bad, but she was a dedicated worshipper and the backbone of a full hut. From all this troubling information, Brother Juniper created an index for each peasant. He tallied up the total for the victims and compared it with the total for the survivors, realizing that the dead were five times more valuable to save. It seemed as if the plague had targeted the truly important people in the village of Puerto. That afternoon, Brother Juniper took a walk along the Pacific coast. He tore up his findings and tossed them into the waves; he spent an hour gazing at the vast pearl-like clouds that forever linger on the horizon of that sea and drew from their beauty a sense of acceptance that he didn’t allow his mind to question. The gap between faith and reality is bigger than most people think.

But there was another story of the master of San Martín (not so subversive, this one) that probably gave to Brother Juniper the hint for his procedure after the fall of the bridge of San Luis Rey.

But there was another story about the master of San Martín (this one wasn't so subversive) that probably gave Brother Juniper the idea for his actions after the collapse of the San Luis Rey bridge.

This master was one day walking through the Cathedral of Lima and stopped to read the epitaph of a lady. He read with an increasingly prominent lower lip that she had been for twenty years the centre and joy of her home, that she had been the delight of her friends, that all who met her went away in astonishment at her goodness and beauty, and that there she lay awaiting the return of her Lord. Now on the day that he read these words, the master of San Martín had had much to fret him, and raising his eyes from the tablet he spoke aloud in his rage: "The shame of it, the persecution of it! Everyone knows that in the world we do nothing but feed our wills. Why perpetuate this legend of selflessness? Why keep this thing alive, this rumour of disinterestedness?"

One day, this master was walking through the Cathedral of Lima and stopped to read the epitaph of a lady. He noticed, with an increasingly noticeable lower lip, that she had been the center and joy of her home for twenty years, that she had brought delight to her friends, that everyone who met her left amazed by her goodness and beauty, and that she lay there waiting for her Lord to return. However, on the day he read these words, the master of San Martín had a lot on his mind, and looking up from the tablet, he spoke out in anger: "What a shame, what nonsense! Everyone knows that in this world we just follow our own desires. Why maintain this myth of selflessness? Why keep this idea alive, this rumor of being unselfish?"

And so saying he resolved to expose this conspiracy of the stone-cutters. The lady had been dead only twelve years. He sought out her servants, her children and her friends. And everywhere he went, like a perfume, her dear traits had survived her and wherever she was mentioned there arose a suffering smile and the protest that words could not describe the gracious ways of her. Even the eager youth of her grandchildren, who had never seen her, was made more difficult by the news that it was possible to be as good as that. And the man stood amazed; only at last he muttered: "Nevertheless, what I said was true. This woman was an exception, perhaps an exception."

And with that, he decided to reveal the conspiracy of the stone-cutters. The woman had died just twelve years ago. He reached out to her servants, her children, and her friends. Everywhere he went, her beloved qualities lingered like a scent, and whenever her name came up, a bittersweet smile appeared alongside the belief that words couldn’t capture her kindness. Even her eager grandchildren, who had never met her, found it hard to accept the idea that someone could be that amazing. The man was left in awe; finally, he murmured, "Still, what I said was true. This woman was exceptional, maybe even unique."

In compiling his book about these people Brother Juniper seemed to be pursued by the fear that in omitting the slightest detail he might lose some guiding hint. The longer he worked the more he felt that he was stumbling about among great dim intimations. He was forever being cheated by details that looked as though they were significant if only he could find their setting. So he put everything down on the notion perhaps that if he (or a keener head) reread the book twenty times, the countless facts would suddenly start to move, to assemble, and to betray their secret. The Marquesa de Montemayor's cook told him that she lived almost entirely on rice, fish and a little fruit and Brother Juniper put it down on the chance that it would some day reveal a spiritual trait. Don Rubío said of her that she used to appear at his receptions without invitation in order to steal the spoons. A midwife on the edge of the town declared that Doña María called upon her with morbid questions until she had been obliged to order her away from the door like a beggar. The bookseller of the town reported that she was one of the three most cultivated persons in Lima. Her farmer's wife declared that she was absent-minded, but compact of goodness. The art of biography is more difficult than is generally supposed.

In putting together his book about these people, Brother Juniper seemed to be haunted by the fear that if he left out even the smallest detail, he might miss some important clue. The more he worked, the more he felt like he was wandering through vague, profound hints. He was constantly tricked by details that seemed significant, if only he could find the right context for them. So he wrote everything down, thinking that maybe if he (or someone sharper) read the book twenty times, the endless facts would suddenly begin to connect, come together, and reveal their deeper meaning. The Marquesa de Montemayor's cook told him that she mostly ate rice, fish, and a little fruit, and Brother Juniper noted it down, hoping it would someday show a spiritual trait. Don Rubío said she used to show up at his receptions uninvited just to swipe the spoons. A midwife on the outskirts of town claimed that Doña María came to her with morbid questions until she had to send her away like a beggar. The town’s bookseller reported that she was one of the three most educated people in Lima. Her farmer's wife said she was forgetful but full of goodness. The art of biography is more challenging than most people think.

Brother Juniper found that there was least to be learned from those who had been most closely associated with the subjects of his inquiry. Madre María del Pilar talked to him at length about Pepita, but she did not tell him of her own ambitions for her. The Perichole was at first difficult of approach, but presently even liked the Franciscan. Her characterization of Uncle Pio flatly contradicted the stores of unsavory testimonies that he had acquired elsewhere. Her allusions to her son were few and conceded with pain. They closed the interview abruptly. The Captain Alvarado told what he could of Esteban and of Uncle Pio. Those who know most in this realm, venture least.

Brother Juniper realized that he learned the least from those who were closest to the subjects of his study. Madre María del Pilar spoke to him at length about Pepita, but she didn’t share her own hopes for her. The Perichole was initially hard to approach, but eventually she warmed up to the Franciscan. Her description of Uncle Pio completely contradicted the negative stories he had heard from others. She made only a few painful references to her son, which ended the conversation abruptly. Captain Alvarado shared what he could about Esteban and Uncle Pio. Those who have the most knowledge in this area tend to say the least.

I shall spare you Brother Juniper's generalizations. They are always with us. He thought he saw in the same accident, the wicked visited by destruction and the good called early to Heaven. He thought he saw pride and wealth confounded as an object lesson to the world, and he thought he saw humility crowned and rewarded for the edification of the city. But Brother Juniper was not satisfied with his reasons. It was just possible that the Marquesa de Montemayor was not a monster of avarice, and Uncle Pio of self-indulgence.

I’ll skip Brother Juniper's generalizations. They’re always around. He believed he witnessed, in the same event, the wicked facing destruction while the good were called to Heaven early. He thought he saw pride and wealth mixed up as a lesson for everyone, and he believed humility was celebrated and rewarded for the benefit of the city. However, Brother Juniper wasn’t satisfied with his conclusions. It was just possible that the Marquesa de Montemayor wasn’t a greedy monster and Uncle Pio wasn’t just self-indulgent.

The book being done fell under the eyes of some judges and was suddenly pronounced heretical. It was ordered to be burned in the Square with its author. Brother Juniper submitted to the decision that the devil had made use of him to effect a brilliant campaign in Peru. He sat in his cell that last night trying to seek in his own life the pattern that had escaped him in five others. He was not rebellious. He was willing to lay down his life for the purity of the church, but he longed for one voice somewhere to testify for him that his intention, at least, had been for faith; he thought there was no one in the world who believed him. But the next morning in all that crowd and sunlight there were many who believed, for he was much loved.

The book that was finished came under the scrutiny of some judges and was suddenly labeled heretical. It was ordered to be burned in the Square along with its author. Brother Juniper accepted the verdict that the devil had used him to carry out a brilliant campaign in Peru. He sat in his cell that last night trying to find in his own life the pattern that had eluded him in five others. He wasn't rebellious. He was ready to give his life for the purity of the church, but he wished for at least one person to speak up for him to confirm that his intentions had been for faith; he felt like no one in the world believed him. But the next morning, in all that crowd and sunlight, there were many who believed, because he was deeply loved.




300



There was a little delegation from the village of Puerto, and Nina (Goodness 2, Piety 5, Usefulness 10) and others stood with drawn puzzled faces while their little friar was given to the congenial flames. Even then, even then, there remained in his heart an obstinate nerve insisting that at least St. Francis would not utterly have condemned him, and (not daring to call upon a greater name, since he seemed so open to error in these matters) he called twice upon St. Francis I and leaning upon a flame he smiled and died.

There was a small group from the village of Puerto, and Nina (Goodness 2, Piety 5, Usefulness 10) and others stood with confused expressions as their little friar was given to the welcoming flames. Even then, there remained in his heart a stubborn belief that at least St. Francis wouldn’t completely condemn him, and (not daring to invoke a greater name, since he felt so uncertain in these matters) he called out to St. Francis twice and, leaning against a flame, he smiled and died.

* * * * * * *

The day of the service was clear and warm. The Limeans, their black eyes wide with awe, poured through the streets into their Cathedral and stood gazing at the mound of black velvet and silver. The Archbishop enclosed in his wonderful and almost wooden vestments perspired upon his throne, lending from time to time a connoisseur's ear to the felicities of Vittoria's counterpoint. The choir had restudied the pages that, as his farewell to music, Tomás Luis had composed for his friend and patron, the Empress of Austria, and all that grief and sweetness, all that Spanish realism filtering through an Italian mode, rose and fell above the sea of mantillas. Don. Andrés, under the colours and feathered hangings of his office, knelt, ill and troubled. He knew that the crowd was furtively glancing at him, expecting him to play the father who has lost his only son. He wondered whether the Perichole was present. He had never been obliged to go so long without smoking. The Captain Alvarado pushed in from the sunny square for a moment. He looked across the fields of black hair and lace at the trooping of the candles and the ropes of incense. "How false, how unreal," he said and pushed his way out. He descended to the sea and sat on the edge of his boat, gazing down into the clear water. "Happy are the drowned, Esteban," he said.

The day of the service was clear and warm. The Limeans, their dark eyes wide with awe, flooded through the streets into their Cathedral and stood staring at the pile of black velvet and silver. The Archbishop, dressed in his impressive and almost stiff vestments, sweat on his throne, occasionally lending an expert ear to the beauty of Vittoria's counterpoint. The choir had practiced the pieces that, as his farewell to music, Tomás Luis had composed for his friend and patron, the Empress of Austria, and all that sorrow and sweetness, all that Spanish realism coming through an Italian style, rose and fell above the sea of mantillas. Don Andrés, under the colors and feathered decorations of his office, knelt, sick and troubled. He knew that the crowd was secretly watching him, expecting him to act like a father mourning his only son. He wondered if the Perichole was there. He had never had to go so long without smoking. Captain Alvarado pushed in from the sunny square for a moment. He looked across the fields of black hair and lace at the procession of candles and the streams of incense. "How fake, how unreal," he said and pushed his way back out. He went down to the sea and sat on the edge of his boat, looking down into the clear water. "Blessed are the drowned, Esteban," he said.

Behind the screen the Abbess sat among her girls. The night before she had torn an idol from her heart and the experience had left her pale but firm. She had accepted the fact that it was of no importance whether her work went on or not; it was enough to work. She was the nurse who tends the sick who never recover; she was the priest who perpetually renews the office before an altar to which no worshippers come. There would be no Pepita to enlarge her work; it would relapse into the indolence and the indifference of her colleagues. It seemed to be sufficient for Heaven that for a while in Peru a disinterested love had flowered and faded. She leaned her forehead upon her hand, following the long tender curve that the soprano lifts in the Kyrie. "My affection should have had more of that colour, Pepita. My whole life should have had more of that quality. I have been too busy," she added ruefully and her mind drifted into prayer.

Behind the screen, the Abbess sat with her girls. The night before, she had ripped an idol from her heart, and the experience left her pale but resolute. She accepted that it didn’t matter if her work continued or not; it was enough to just work. She was like a nurse tending to sick patients who never recover; she was the priest who continuously performs rituals before an altar with no worshippers. There wouldn’t be a Pepita to expand her efforts; it would slip back into the laziness and indifference of her colleagues. It seemed sufficient for Heaven that, for a moment in Peru, a selfless love had bloomed and withered. She rested her forehead on her hand, tracing the long, tender line that the soprano sings in the Kyrie. "My love should have had more of that depth, Pepita. My whole life should have had more of that essence. I have been too busy," she added with a hint of regret as her mind wandered into prayer.

Camila had started from the farm to attend the service. Her heart was filled with consternation and amazement. Here was another comment from the skies; that was the third time she had been spoken to. Her small-pox, Jaime's illness, and now the fall of the bridge,—oh, these were not accidents. She was as ashamed as though letters had appeared on her forehead. An order from the Palace announced that the Viceroy was sending her two daughters to a convent-school in Spain. That was right. She was alone. She gathered a few things together mechanically and started to the city for the Service. But she fell to thinking of the crowds gaping over her Uncle Pio and over her son; she thought of the vast ritual of the church, like a chasm into which the beloved falls, and of the storm of the dies irae where the individual is lost among the millions of the dead, features grow dim and traits fade. At a little more than half the journey, at the mud church of San Luis Rey she slipped in and knelt against a pillar to rest. She wandered through her memory, searching for the faces of her two. She waited for some emotion to appear. "But I feel nothing," she whispered to herself. "I have no heart. I am a poor meaningless woman, that's all. I am shut out. I have no heart. Look, I won't try and think of anything; let me just rest here." And scarcely had she paused when again that terrible incommunicable pain swept through her, the pain that could not speak once to Uncle Pio and tell him of her love and just once offer her courage to Jaime in his sufferings. She started up wildly: "I fail everybody," she cried. "They love me and I fail them." She returned to the farm and carried for a year the mood of her self-despair. One day she heard by accident that the wonderful Abbess had lost two persons whom she loved in the same accident. Her sewing fell from her hand: then she would know, she would explain. "But no, what would she say to me! She would not even believe that such a person as I could love or could lose." Camila decided to go to Lima and look at the Abbess from a distance. "If her face tells me that she would not despise me, I will speak to her," she said.

Camila had left the farm to attend the service. Her heart was filled with confusion and amazement. Here was another sign from above; this was the third time she felt spoken to. Her smallpox, Jaime's illness, and now the collapse of the bridge—oh, these weren’t just coincidences. She felt as ashamed as if letters had appeared on her forehead. An announcement from the Palace stated that the Viceroy was sending her two daughters to a convent school in Spain. That made sense. She was alone. She gathered a few belongings mechanically and headed to the city for the service. But she began to think about the crowds staring at her Uncle Pio and her son; she considered the vast rituals of the church, like a void into which the beloved falls, and the storm of the dies irae where the individual gets lost among the millions of the dead, faces fading and features dimming. About halfway through her journey, at the muddy church of San Luis Rey, she slipped inside and knelt against a pillar to rest. She rifled through her memories, searching for the faces of her two loved ones. She waited for some feeling to emerge. "But I feel nothing," she whispered to herself. "I have no heart. I’m just a meaningless woman, that’s all. I feel shut out. I have no heart. Okay, I won’t think about anything; let me just rest here." And barely had she paused when that terrible, indescribable pain swept through her again, the pain that couldn't reach Uncle Pio to tell him of her love or offer any courage to Jaime in his suffering. She jumped up wildly: "I fail everyone," she cried. "They love me, and I let them down." She went back to the farm and carried the weight of her self-despair for a year. One day, she accidentally heard that the remarkable Abbess had lost two people she loved in the same accident. Her sewing slipped from her hands: then she would know, she would seek answers. "But no, what would she say to me! She wouldn’t even believe that someone like me could love or could lose." Camila decided to go to Lima and observe the Abbess from a distance. "If her face tells me that she wouldn’t despise me, I will speak to her," she said.

Camila lurked about the convent church and fell humbly in love with the homely old face, though it frightened her a little. At last she called upon her.

Camila hung around the convent church and quietly fell in love with the plain, old face, even though it scared her a bit. Finally, she decided to approach her.

"Mother," she said, "I ... I ..."

"Mom," she said, "I ... I ..."

"Do I know you, my daughter?"

"Do I know you, my daughter?"

"I was the actress, I was the Perichole."

"I was the actress; I was the Perichole."

"Oh, yes. Oh, I have wished to know you for a long while, but they told me you did not wish to be seen. You too, I know, lost in the fall of the bridge of San...."

"Oh, yes. Oh, I have wanted to meet you for a long time, but they said you didn't want to be seen. You too, I know, lost in the collapse of the bridge of San...."

Camila rose and swayed. There! again that access of pain, the hands of the dead she could not reach. Her lips were white. Her head brushed the Abbess's knee: "Mother, what shall I do? I am all alone. I have nothing in the world. I love them. What shall I do?"

Camila got up and swayed. There! Again that surge of pain, the grasp of the dead she couldn't touch. Her lips were pale. Her head leaned against the Abbess's knee: "Mother, what should I do? I'm completely alone. I have nothing in the world. I love them. What should I do?"

The Abbess looked at her closely. "My daughter, it is warm here. Let us go into the garden. You can rest there." She made a sign to a girl in the cloister to bring some water. She continued talking mechanically to Camila. "I have wished to know you for a long while, señora. Even before the accident I had wished much to know you. They told me that in the autos sacrementales you were a very great and beautiful actress, in Belshazzar's Feast."

The Abbess examined her closely. "My daughter, it's warm here. Let's go to the garden. You can relax there." She signaled to a girl in the cloister to fetch some water. She continued to speak to Camila in a routine manner. "I've wanted to know you for a long time, ma'am. Even before the incident, I was eager to meet you. They told me that in the autos sacrementales, you were a remarkable and beautiful actress in Belshazzar's Feast."

"Oh, Mother, you must not say that. I am a sinner. You must not say that."

"Oh, Mom, you can't say that. I'm a sinner. Please don't say that."

"Here, drink this, my child. We have a beautiful garden, do you not think so? You will come and see us often and some day you will meet Sister Juana who is our gardener-in-chief. Before she entered religion she had almost never seen a garden, for she worked in the mines high up in the mountains. Now everything grows under her hand.—A year has gone by, señora, since our accident. I lost two who had been children in my orphanage, but you lost a real child of your own?"

"Here, drink this, my child. Don’t you think we have a beautiful garden? You’ll come and visit us often, and someday you’ll meet Sister Juana, who’s our head gardener. Before she joined the convent, she had hardly ever seen a garden because she worked in the mines high up in the mountains. Now everything thrives under her care. It’s been a year, ma'am, since our accident. I lost two who were like children to me in my orphanage, but you lost your actual child, didn’t you?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Yes, Mom."

"And a great friend?"

"And a good friend?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Sure, Mom."

"Tell me...."

"Tell me..."

And then the whole tide of Camila's long despair, her lonely obstinate despair since her girlhood, found its rest on that dusty friendly lap among Sister Juana's fountains and roses.

And then the entire wave of Camila's long sadness, her stubborn loneliness since she was a girl, found its peace on that dusty, welcoming lap among Sister Juana's fountains and roses.

* * * * * * *

But where are sufficient books to contain the events that would not have been the same without the fall of the bridge? From such a number I choose one more.

But where are enough books to cover the events that would have been different without the bridge collapsing? From such a collection, I'll choose one more.

"The Condesa d'Abuirre wishes to see you," said a lay-sister at the door of the Abbess's office.

"The Condesa d'Abuirre wants to see you," said a lay-sister at the door of the Abbess's office.

"Well," said the Abbess, laying down her pen, "who is she?"

"Well," said the Abbess, putting down her pen, "who is she?"

"She has just come from Spain. I don't know."

"She just got back from Spain. I have no idea."

"Oh, it is some money, Inez, some money for my house for the blind. Quick, bid her come in."

"Oh, it's some money, Inez, some money for my house for the blind. Hurry, ask her to come in."

The tall, rather languorous beauty entered the room. Doña Clara, who was generally so adequate, seemed constrained for once. "Are you busy, dear Mother, may I talk to you for a while?"

The tall, somewhat lazy beauty walked into the room. Doña Clara, who usually handled things well, seemed a bit uncomfortable this time. "Are you busy, Mom? Can I talk to you for a bit?"

"I am quite free, my daughter. You will excuse an old woman's memory; have I known you before?"

"I’m quite free, my daughter. Please forgive an old woman’s memory; have we met before?"

"My mother was the Marquesa de Montemayor...." Doña Clara suspected that the Abbess had not admired her mother and would not let the older woman speak until she herself had made a long passionate defense of Doña María. The languor fell away in her self-reproach. At last the Abbess told her of Pepita and Esteban, and of Camila's visit. "All, all of us have failed. One wishes to be punished. One is willing to assume all kinds of penance, but do you know, my daughter, that in love—I scarcely dare say it—but in love our very mistakes don't seem to be able to last long?"

"My mother was the Marquesa de Montemayor...." Doña Clara suspected that the Abbess didn't admire her mother and wouldn't allow the older woman to speak until she had passionately defended Doña María for a long time. The heaviness lifted as she felt self-reproach. Eventually, the Abbess shared the news about Pepita and Esteban, as well as Camila's visit. "We've all fallen short. One craves punishment. One is ready to take on all sorts of penance, but do you know, my daughter, that in love—I can hardly believe it—but in love, our mistakes don't seem to last very long?"

The Condesa showed the Abbess Doña María's last letter. Madre María dared not say aloud how great her astonishment was that such words (words that since then the whole world has murmured over with joy) could spring in the heart of Pepita's mistress. "Now learn," she commanded herself, "learn at last that anywhere you may expect grace." And she was filled with happiness like a girl at this new proof that the traits she lived for were everywhere, that the world was ready. "Will you do me a kindness, my daughter? Will you let me show you my work?"

The Condesa shared the last letter from Abbess Doña María. Madre María couldn't believe how surprised she was that such words (words that since then the whole world has joyfully whispered about) could come from Pepita's mistress. "Now learn," she told herself, "finally understand that you can find grace anywhere." And she felt a rush of happiness like a girl at this new evidence that the qualities she cherished were everywhere, that the world was open. "Can you do me a favor, my daughter? Would you let me show you my work?"

The sun had gone down, but the Abbess led the way with a lantern down corridor after corridor. Doña Clara saw the old and the young, the sick and the blind, but most of all she saw the tired, bright old woman who was leading her. The Abbess would stop in a passageway and say suddenly: "I can't help thinking that something could be done for the deaf-and-dumb. It seems to me that some patient person could, ... could study out a language for them. You know there are hundreds and hundreds in Peru. Do you remember whether anyone in Spain has found a way for them? Well, some day they will." Or a little later: "Do you know, I keep thinking that something can be done for the insane. I am old, you know, and I cannot go where these things are talked about, but I watch them sometimes and it seems to me ... In Spain, now, they are gentle with them? It seems to me that there is a secret about it, just hidden from us, just around the corner. Some day back in Spain, if you hear of anything that would help us, you will write me a letter ... if you are not too busy?"

The sun had set, but the Abbess led the way with a lantern through corridor after corridor. Doña Clara noticed the old and the young, the sick and the blind, but most of all she noticed the tired, bright old woman who was guiding her. The Abbess would pause in a passageway and suddenly say, "I can't help but think that something could be done for the deaf and mute. It seems to me that some patient person could... could figure out a language for them. You know there are hundreds and hundreds in Peru. Do you remember if anyone in Spain has found a way for them? Well, someday they will." Or a little later: "You know, I keep thinking that something can be done for the mentally ill. I am old, you know, and I can't go where these things are discussed, but I watch them sometimes and it seems to me... In Spain, are they treating them gently now? It seems to me that there’s a secret about it, just hidden from us, just around the corner. Someday back in Spain, if you hear of anything that could help us, you’ll write me a letter... if you’re not too busy?"

At last after Doña Clara had seen even the kitchens, the Abbess said: "Now will you excuse me, for I must go into the room of the very sick and say a few words for them to think about when they cannot sleep. I will not ask you to come with me there, for you are not accustomed to such ... such sounds and things. And besides I only talk to them as one talks to children." She looked up at her with her modest rueful smile. Suddenly she disappeared a moment to return with one of her helpers, one who had likewise been involved in the affair of the bridge and who had formerly been an actress. "She is leaving me," said the Abbess, "for some work across the city and when I have spoken here I must leave you both, for the flour-broker will not wait for me any longer, and our argument will take a long time."

Finally, after Doña Clara had seen even the kitchens, the Abbess said: "Now, please excuse me, as I need to go into the room of the very ill and say a few words for them to think about when they can't sleep. I won't ask you to come with me because you're not used to ... those kinds of sounds and experiences. Besides, I only talk to them like one talks to children." She looked up at her with a modest, rueful smile. Suddenly, she disappeared for a moment and returned with one of her helpers, who had also been involved in the bridge matter and had previously been an actress. "She is leaving me," said the Abbess, "for some work across the city, and after I speak here, I must leave you both, as the flour-broker won't wait for me any longer, and our discussion will take a while."

But Doña Clara stood in the door as the Abbess talked to them, the lamp placed on the floor beside her. Madre María stood with her back against a post; the sick lay in rows gazing at the ceiling and trying to hold their breaths. She talked that night of all those out in the dark (she was thinking of Esteban alone, she was thinking of Pepita alone) who had no one to turn to, for whom the world perhaps was more than difficult, without meaning. And those who lay in their beds there felt that they were within a wall that the Abbess had built for them; within all was light and warmth, and without was the darkness they would not exchange even for a relief from pain and from dying. But even while she was talking, other thoughts were passing in the back of her mind. "Even now," she thought, "almost no one remembers Esteban and Pepita, but myself. Camila alone remembers her Uncle Pio and her son; this woman, her mother. But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

But Doña Clara stood in the doorway as the Abbess spoke to them, the lamp set on the floor beside her. Madre María leaned against a post; the sick lay in rows, staring at the ceiling and trying to control their breathing. That night, she talked about all those out in the dark (she was thinking of Esteban alone, she was thinking of Pepita alone) who had no one to turn to, for whom the world might be more than just difficult, without meaning. And those who were in their beds felt like they were behind a wall that the Abbess had built for them; inside was all light and warmth, and outside was the darkness they wouldn’t trade even for a break from pain and death. But even while she was speaking, other thoughts crossed her mind. "Even now," she thought, "almost no one remembers Esteban and Pepita, except for me. Camila alone remembers her Uncle Pio and her son; this woman remembers her mother. But soon we will die, and all memory of those five will vanish from the earth, and we ourselves will be loved for a while and then forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those moments of love return to the love that created them. Even memory isn’t necessary for love. There’s a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only thing that survives, the only meaning."







THE END

FIN


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