This is a modern-English version of The unpleasantness at the Bellona Club, originally written by Sayers, Dorothy L. (Dorothy Leigh). It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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THE UNPLEASANTNESS AT THE BELLONA CLUB

By DOROTHY L. SAYERS

By Dorothy L. Sayers

Copyright, 1928, by Dorothy Leigh Sayers Fleming.

Copyright, 1928, by Dorothy Leigh Sayers Fleming.

Printed in the U.S.A.

Printed in the USA.


CONTENTS

I. Old Mossy-face
II. The Queen Is Out
III. Hearts Count More Than Diamonds
IV. Lord Peter Leads A Club
V. --And Finds The Club Suit Blocked
VI. A Card of Re-Entry
VII. The Curse of Scotland
VIII. Lord Peter Leads Through Strength
IX. Knave High
X. Lord Peter Forces A Card
XI. Lord Peter Clears Trumps
XII. Lord Peter Turns A Trick
XIII. Spades Are Trumps
XIV. Grand Slam In Spades
XV. Shuffle The Cards And Deal Again
XVI. Quadrille
XVII. Parker Plays A Hand
XVIII. Picture-cards
XIX. Lord Peter Plays Dummy
XX. Ann Dorland Goes Misere
XXI. Lord Peter Calls A Bluff
XXII. The Cards On The Table
XXIII. Post-Mortem

CHAPTER I

Old Mossy-face

Old Mossy Face

"What in the world, Wimsey, are you doing in this Morgue?" demanded Captain Fentiman, flinging aside the "Evening Banner" with the air of a man released from an irksome duty.

"What on earth, Wimsey, are you doing in this morgue?" asked Captain Fentiman, tossing aside the "Evening Banner" like someone finally free from a tedious task.

"Oh, I wouldn't call it that," retorted Wimsey, amiably. "Funeral Parlor at the very least. Look at the marble. Look at the furnishings. Look at the palms and the chaste bronze nude in the corner."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Wimsey replied with a friendly tone. "Funeral Home, at the very least. Check out the marble. Look at the furniture. Look at the palms and the modest bronze statue in the corner."

"Yes, and look at the corpses. Place always reminds me of that old thing in 'Punch,' you know—'Waiter, take away Lord Whatsisname, he's been dead two days.' Look at Old Ormsby there, snoring like a hippopotamus. Look at my revered grandpa—dodders in here at ten every morning, collects the 'Morning Post' and the arm-chair by the fire, and becomes part of the furniture till the evening. Poor old devil. Suppose I'll be like that one of these days. I wish to God Jerry had put me out with the rest of 'em. What's the good of coming through for this sort of thing? What'll you have?"

"Yeah, and check out the bodies. This place always reminds me of that old joke in 'Punch,' you know—'Waiter, take away Lord Whatsisname, he's been dead two days.' Look at Old Ormsby over there, snoring like a hippo. Check out my beloved grandpa—he wanders in here at ten every morning, grabs the 'Morning Post' and the comfy chair by the fire, and becomes part of the furniture until evening. Poor old guy. I guess I’ll end up like that someday. I wish Jerry had put me out with the rest of them. What’s the point of coming back for this kind of thing? What do you want?"

"Dry martini," said Wimsey. "And you? Two dry martinis, Fred, please. Cheer up. All this remembrance-day business gets on your nerves, don't it? It's my belief most of us would be only too pleased to chuck these community hysterics if the beastly newspapers didn't run it for all it's worth. However, it don't do to say so. They'd hoof me out of the Club if I raised my voice beyond a whisper."

"Dry martini," Wimsey said. "And you? Two dry martinis, Fred, please. Come on, lighten up. All this remembrance stuff is getting to you, isn't it? I think most of us would be more than happy to ditch these community dramatics if those awful newspapers didn't hype it up so much. But it's best not to say that out loud. They'd kick me out of the Club if I spoke any louder than a whisper."

"They'd do that anyway, whatever you were saying," said Fentiman, gloomily. "What are you doing here?"

"They'd do that anyway, no matter what you were saying," Fentiman said, feeling down. "What are you doing here?"

"Waitin' for Colonel Marchbanks," said Wimsey. "Bung-ho!"

"Waiting for Colonel Marchbanks," said Wimsey. "Bung-ho!"

"Dining with him?"

"Going out to eat with him?"

"Yes."

Yes.

Fentiman nodded quietly. He knew that young Marchbanks had been killed at Hill 60, and that the Colonel was wont to give a small, informal dinner on Armistice night to his son's intimate friends.

Fentiman nodded quietly. He knew that young Marchbanks had been killed at Hill 60 and that the Colonel usually hosted a small, informal dinner on Armistice night for his son's close friends.

"I don't mind old Marchbanks," he said, after a pause. "He's a dear old boy."

"I don't mind old Marchbanks," he said, after a pause. "He's a sweet old guy."

Wimsey assented.

Wimsey agreed.

"And how are things going with you?" he asked.

"And how's everything going with you?" he asked.

"Oh, rotten as usual. Tummy all wrong and no money. What's the damn good of it, Wimsey? A man goes and fights for his country, gets his inside gassed out, and loses his job, and all they give him is the privilege of marching past the Cenotaph once a year and paying four shillings in the pound income-tax. Sheila's queer too—overwork, poor girl. It's pretty damnable for a man to have to live on his wife's earnings, isn't it? I can't help it, Wimsey. I go sick and have to chuck jobs up. Money—I never thought of money before the War, but I swear nowadays I'd commit any damned crime to get hold of a decent income."

"Oh, same old mess. Stomach messed up and no cash. What's the point of it, Wimsey? A guy goes off and fights for his country, gets his insides wrecked, loses his job, and all they give him is the chance to march past the Cenotaph once a year and pay four shillings in the pound for income tax. Sheila's struggling too—overworked, poor girl. It's pretty damn annoying for a man to have to rely on his wife's paycheck, right? I can’t help it, Wimsey. I get sick and have to quit jobs. Money—I never thought about it before the War, but I swear these days I'd do just about anything to secure a decent income."

Fentiman's voice had risen in nervous excitement. A shocked veteran, till then invisible in a neighboring arm-chair, poked out a lean head like a tortoise and said "Sh!" viperishly.

Fentiman's voice had risen in nervous excitement. A shocked veteran, previously hidden in a nearby armchair, poked out a thin head like a tortoise and hissed "Sh!" with annoyance.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," said Wimsey, lightly. "Crime's a skilled occupation, y' know. Even a comparative imbecile like myself can play the giddy sleuth on the amateur Moriarty. If you're thinkin' of puttin' on a false mustache and lammin' a millionaire on the head, don't do it. That disgustin' habit you have of smoking cigarettes down to the last millimeter would betray you anywhere. I'd only have to come on with a magnifyin' glass and a pair of callipers to say 'The criminal is my dear old friend George Fentiman. Arrest that man!' You might not think it, but I am ready to sacrifice my nearest and dearest in order to curry favor with the police and get a par. in the papers."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," Wimsey said casually. "Crime's a skilled job, you know. Even someone as clueless as me can pretend to be a clever detective against the amateur mastermind. If you're thinking about putting on a fake mustache and hitting a millionaire on the head, don’t. That awful habit of smoking cigarettes down to the last millimeter would give you away anywhere. I'd just need to come in with a magnifying glass and a set of calipers to say, 'The criminal is my dear old friend George Fentiman. Arrest that guy!' You might not believe it, but I'm prepared to throw my closest friends under the bus just to win favor with the police and get a mention in the papers."

Fentiman laughed, and ground out the offending cigarette stub on the nearest ash-tray.

Fentiman laughed and stubbed out the offending cigarette in the nearest ashtray.

"I wonder anybody cares to know you," he said. The strain and bitterness had left his voice and he sounded merely amused.

"I wonder if anyone cares to know you," he said. The strain and bitterness had vanished from his voice, and he sounded just amused.

"They wouldn't," said Wimsey, "only they think I'm too well-off to have any brains. It's like hearing that the Earl of Somewhere is taking a leading part in a play. Everybody takes it for granted he must act rottenly. I'll tell you my secret. All my criminological investigations are done for me by a 'ghost' at £3 a week, while I get the headlines and frivol with well-known journalists at the Savoy."

"They wouldn't," said Wimsey, "but they think I'm too wealthy to have any smarts. It's like hearing that the Earl of Somewhere is starring in a play. Everyone assumes he must act poorly. I'll let you in on my secret. All my crime-solving work is done for me by a 'ghostwriter' for £3 a week, while I get the headlines and mingle with famous journalists at the Savoy."

"I find you refreshing, Wimsey," said Fentiman, languidly. "You're not in the least witty, but you have a kind of obvious facetiousness which reminds me of the less exacting class of music-hall."

"I find you refreshing, Wimsey," Fentiman said lazily. "You're not at all witty, but you have a kind of obvious humor that reminds me of the more relaxed type of music hall."

"It's the self-defense of the first-class mind against the superior person," said Wimsey. "But, look here, I'm sorry to hear about Sheila. I don't want to be offensive, old man, but why don't you let me——"

"It's the self-defense of a first-class mind against someone better," Wimsey said. "But, hey, I'm really sorry to hear about Sheila. I don't want to overstep, my friend, but why don't you let me——"

"Damned good of you," said Fentiman, "but I don't care to. There's honestly not the faintest chance I could ever pay you, and I haven't quite got to the point yet——"

"That's really generous of you," said Fentiman, "but I’m not interested. There’s honestly no way I could ever pay you back, and I haven’t quite reached that point yet——"

"Here's Colonel Marchbanks," broke in Wimsey, "we'll talk about it another time. Good evening, Colonel."

"Here’s Colonel Marchbanks," interrupted Wimsey, "we’ll discuss it another time. Good evening, Colonel."

"Evening, Peter. Evening, Fentiman. Beautiful day it's been. No—no cocktails, thanks, I'll stick to whisky. So sorry to keep you waiting like this, but I was having a yarn with poor old Grainger upstairs. He's in a baddish way, I'm afraid. Between you and me, Penberthy doesn't think he'll last out the winter. Very sound man, Penberthy—wonderful, really, that he's kept the old man going so long with his lungs in that frail state. Ah, well! it's what we must all come to. Dear me, there's your grandfather, Fentiman. He's another of Penberthy's miracles. He must be ninety, if he's a day. Will you excuse me for a moment? I must just go and speak to him."

"Good evening, Peter. Good evening, Fentiman. It's been a beautiful day. No—no cocktails for me, thanks, I'll stick with whisky. Sorry to keep you waiting like this, but I was chatting with poor old Grainger upstairs. He’s not doing well, I’m afraid. Between you and me, Penberthy doesn’t think he’ll make it through the winter. He’s a very reliable guy, Penberthy—it's really impressive how he’s kept the old man going for so long with his lungs in such bad shape. Ah, well! It’s what we all have to face eventually. Oh my, there’s your grandfather, Fentiman. He’s another one of Penberthy's miracles. He must be at least ninety, if not more. Will you excuse me for a moment? I need to go and talk to him."

Wimsey's eyes followed the alert, elderly figure as it crossed the spacious smoking-room, pausing now and again to exchange greetings with a fellow-member of the Bellona Club. Drawn close to the huge fireplace stood a great chair with ears after the Victorian pattern. A pair of spindle shanks with neatly-buttoned shoes propped on a foot stool were all that was visible of General Fentiman.

Wimsey's eyes tracked the sharp, older figure as it moved across the large smoking room, stopping occasionally to greet another member of the Bellona Club. Close to the big fireplace, there was a large, Victorian-style armchair. All that could be seen of General Fentiman were a pair of neatly-buttoned shoes resting on a footstool, supported by slender legs.

"Queer, isn't it," muttered his grandson, "to think that for Old Mossy-face there the Crimea is still the War, and the Boer business found him too old to go out. He was given his commission at seventeen, you know—was wounded at Majuba—"

"Isn't it strange," muttered his grandson, "to think that for Old Mossy-face, the Crimea is still the War, and the Boer conflict was too much for him to go out. He got his commission at seventeen, you know—was wounded at Majuba—"

He broke off. Wimsey was not paying attention. He was still watching Colonel Marchbanks.

He stopped talking. Wimsey wasn't paying attention. He was still focused on Colonel Marchbanks.

The Colonel came back to them, walking very quietly and precisely. Wimsey rose and went to meet him.

The Colonel returned to them, walking very quietly and purposefully. Wimsey stood up and went to greet him.

"I say, Peter," said the Colonel, his kind face gravely troubled, "just come over here a moment. I'm afraid something rather unpleasant has happened."

"I say, Peter," the Colonel said, his kind face seriously troubled, "could you come over here for a moment? I'm afraid something quite unpleasant has happened."

Fentiman looked round, and something in their manner made him get up and follow them over to the fire.

Fentiman looked around, and something about how they were acting made him stand up and go over to the fire with them.

Wimsey bent down over General Fentiman and drew the "Morning Post" gently away from the gnarled old hands, which lay clasped over the thin chest. He touched the shoulder—put his hand under the white head huddled against the side of the chair. The Colonel watched him anxiously. Then, with a quick jerk, Wimsey lifted the quiet figure. It came up all of a piece, stiff as a wooden doll.

Wimsey leaned down over General Fentiman and carefully pulled the "Morning Post" away from the gnarled old hands that were clasped over the thin chest. He touched the shoulder—slipped his hand under the white head that was leaning against the side of the chair. The Colonel observed him anxiously. Then, with a quick motion, Wimsey lifted the still figure. It came up all at once, stiff like a wooden doll.

Fentiman laughed. Peal after hysterical peal shook his throat. All round the room, scandalized Bellonians creaked to their gouty feet, shocked by the unmannerly noise.

Fentiman laughed. Wave after wave of hysterical laughter shook his throat. All around the room, shocked Bellonians creaked to their stiff feet, appalled by the rude noise.

"Take him away!" said Fentiman, "take him away. He's been dead two days! So are you! So am I! We're all dead and we never noticed it!"

"Get him out of here!" said Fentiman. "Get him out of here. He’s been dead for two days! So are you! So am I! We're all dead and didn’t even realize it!"


CHAPTER II

The Queen Is Out

The Queen's Out

It is doubtful which occurrence was more disagreeable to the senior members of the Bellona Club—the grotesque death of General Fentiman in their midst or the indecent neurasthenia of his grandson. Only the younger men felt no sense of outrage; they knew too much. Dick Challoner—known to his intimates as Tin-Tummy Challoner, owing to the fact that he had been fitted with a spare part after the second battle of the Somme—took the gasping Fentiman away into the deserted library for a stiffener. The Club Secretary hurried in, in his dress-shirt and trousers, the half-dried lather still clinging to his jaws. After one glance he sent an agitated waiter to see if Dr. Penberthy was still in the Club. Colonel Marchbanks laid a large silk handkerchief reverently over the rigid face in the arm-chair and remained quietly standing. A little circle formed about the edge of the hearthrug, not quite certain what to do. From time to time it was swelled by fresh arrivals, whom the news had greeted in the hall as they wandered in. A little group appeared from the bar. "What? old Fentiman?" they said. "Good God, you don't say so. Poor old blighter. Heart gone at last, I suppose"; and they extinguished cigars and cigarettes, and stood by, not liking to go away again.

It’s hard to say which was more unpleasant for the senior members of the Bellona Club—the weird death of General Fentiman right there or the inappropriate nervous breakdown of his grandson. Only the younger guys didn’t seem outraged; they understood too much. Dick Challoner—nicknamed Tin-Tummy Challoner because he had a prosthetic after the second battle of the Somme—took the gasping Fentiman into the empty library for a drink. The Club Secretary rushed in, wearing his dress shirt and trousers, with half-dried shaving foam still on his face. After a quick glance, he sent a flustered waiter to check if Dr. Penberthy was still at the Club. Colonel Marchbanks placed a large silk handkerchief respectfully over the stiff face in the armchair and stood quietly by. A small group gathered around the edge of the hearthrug, unsure of what to do. Now and then, new arrivals joined them after hearing the news in the hall. A small group came in from the bar. “What? Old Fentiman?” they exclaimed. “Good God, you can’t be serious. Poor old guy. I guess his heart finally gave out,” and they put out their cigars and cigarettes, lingering as they were reluctant to leave.

Dr. Penberthy was just changing for dinner. He came down hurriedly, caught just as he was going out to an Armistice dinner, his silk hat tilted to the back of his head, his coat and muffler pushed loosely open. He was a thin, dark man with the abrupt manner which distinguishes the Army Surgeon from the West-end practitioner. The group by the fire made way for him, except Wimsey, who hung rather foolishly upon the big elbow-chair, gazing in a helpless way at the body.

Dr. Penberthy was just getting ready for dinner. He hurried down, caught just as he was about to leave for an Armistice dinner, his silk hat tilted back on his head, his coat and scarf loosely draped. He was a thin, dark-haired man with the brusque manner that sets apart an Army Surgeon from a West-end doctor. The group by the fire moved aside for him, except Wimsey, who awkwardly clung to the big armchair, staring helplessly at the body.

Penberthy ran practiced hands quickly over neck, wrists and knee-joints.

Penberthy quickly ran skilled hands over the neck, wrists, and knees.

"Dead several hours," he pronounced, sharply. "Rigor well-established—beginning to pass off." He moved the dead man's left leg in illustration; it swung loose at the knee. "I've been expecting this. Heart very weak. Might happen any moment. Any one spoken to him to-day?"

"Dead for several hours," he stated bluntly. "Rigor mortis is set in—starting to fade." He lifted the dead man's left leg as an example; it dangled loosely at the knee. "I’ve been expecting this. His heart was really weak. It could happen at any time. Has anyone talked to him today?"

He glanced around interrogatively.

He looked around questioningly.

"I saw him here after lunch," volunteered somebody. "I didn't speak."

"I saw him here after lunch," someone offered. "I didn’t say anything."

"I thought he was asleep," said another.

"I thought he was sleeping," said another.

Nobody remembered speaking to him. They were so used to old General Fentiman, slumbering by the fire.

Nobody remembered talking to him. They were so accustomed to old General Fentiman, dozing by the fire.

"Ah, well," said the doctor. "What's the time? Seven?" He seemed to make a rapid calculation. "Say five hours for rigor to set in—must have taken place very rapidly—he probably came in at his usual time, sat down and died straight away."

"Well," said the doctor. "What time is it? Seven?" He quickly calculated. "Let's say it takes about five hours for rigor mortis to set in—must have happened really fast—he probably came in at his usual time, sat down, and died right away."

"He always walked from Dover Street," put in an elderly man, "I told him it was too great an exertion at his age. You've heard me say so, Ormsby."

"He always walked from Dover Street," added an elderly man, "I told him it was too much effort at his age. You've heard me say that, Ormsby."

"Yes, yes, quite," said the purple-faced Ormsby. "Dear me, just so."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly," said the purple-faced Ormsby. "Oh my, just like that."

"Well, there's nothing to be done," said the doctor. "Died in his sleep. Is there an empty bedroom we can take him to, Culyer?"

"Well, there's nothing we can do," the doctor said. "He died in his sleep. Is there an empty bedroom we can move him to, Culyer?"

"Yes, certainly," said the Secretary. "James, fetch the key of number sixteen from my office and tell them to put the bed in order. I suppose, eh, doctor?—when the rigor passes off we shall be able to—eh?"

"Sure," said the Secretary. "James, grab the key for room sixteen from my office and let them know to get the bed ready. I assume, uh, doctor?—once the chills wear off we’ll be able to—uh?"

"Oh, yes, you'll be able to do everything that's required. I'll send the proper people in to lay him out for you. Somebody had better let his people know—only they'd better not show up till we can get him more presentable."

"Oh, yes, you'll be able to do everything that's needed. I'll send the right people in to take care of him for you. Someone should inform his family—just make sure they don't arrive until we can make him look more presentable."

"Captain Fentiman knows already," said Colonel Marchbanks. "And Major Fentiman is staying in the Club—he'll probably be in before long. Then there's a sister, I think."

"Captain Fentiman already knows," said Colonel Marchbanks. "And Major Fentiman is at the Club—he'll probably be back soon. I think there's also a sister."

"Yes, old Lady Dormer," said Penberthy, "she lives round in Portman Square. They haven't been on speaking terms for years. Still, she'll have to know."

"Yeah, old Lady Dormer," said Penberthy, "she lives over in Portman Square. They haven't talked in years. Still, she'll need to know."

"I'll ring them up," said the Colonel. "We can't leave it to Captain Fentiman, he's in no fit state to be worried, poor fellow. You'll have to have a look at him, doctor, when you've finished here. An attack of the old trouble—nerves, you know."

"I'll call them," said the Colonel. "We can't leave it to Captain Fentiman; he's not in a good state to be stressed, poor guy. You'll need to check on him, doctor, when you're done here. It's a flare-up of his old issue—nerves, you know."

"All right. Ah! is the room ready, Culyer? Then we'll move him. Will somebody take his shoulders—no, not you, Culyer" (for the Secretary had only one sound arm), "Lord Peter, yes, thank you—lift carefully."

"All right. Ah! Is the room ready, Culyer? Then let’s move him. Can someone take his shoulders—no, not you, Culyer" (since the Secretary only had one good arm), "Lord Peter, yes, thank you—lift him carefully."

Wimsey put his long, strong hands under the stiff arms; the doctor gathered up the legs; they moved away. They looked like a dreadful little Guy Fawkes procession, with that humped and unreverend mannikin bobbing and swaying between them.

Wimsey placed his long, strong hands under the rigid arms; the doctor took hold of the legs; they started to move. They resembled a terrible little Guy Fawkes parade, with that hunched and irreverent figure bouncing and swaying between them.

The door closed after them, and a tension seemed removed. The circle broke up into groups. Somebody lit a cigarette. The planet's tyrant, dotard Death, had held his gray mirror before them for a moment and shown them the image of things to come. But now it was taken away again. The unpleasantness had passed. Fortunate, indeed, that Penberthy was the old man's own doctor. He knew all about it. He could give a certificate. No inquest. Nothing undesirable. The members of the Bellona Club could go to dinner.

The door shut behind them, and the tension seemed to lift. The group split into smaller sections. Someone lit a cigarette. The planet's cruel ruler, an aging Death, had held up his gray mirror for a moment and revealed the future to them. But now that was gone. The discomfort had faded. It was certainly a stroke of luck that Penberthy was the old man’s doctor. He knew everything. He could provide a certificate. No inquest. Nothing unpleasant. The members of the Bellona Club could go to dinner.

Colonel Marchbanks turned to go through the far door towards the library. In a narrow ante-room between the two rooms there was a convenient telephone cabinet for the use of those members who did not wish to emerge into the semi-publicity of the entrance-hall.

Colonel Marchbanks turned to head through the far door leading to the library. In a small anteroom between the two spaces, there was a convenient phone booth for those members who preferred not to step into the semi-public entrance hall.

"Hi, colonel! not that one. That instrument's out of order," said a man called Wetheridge, who saw him go. "Disgraceful, I call it. I wanted to use the 'phone this morning, and—oh! hullo! the notice has gone. I suppose it's all right again. They ought to let one know."

"Hey, Colonel! Not that one. That device is broken," said a man named Wetheridge, who watched him leave. "I think it's ridiculous. I wanted to use the phone this morning, and—oh! Hey! The notice is gone. I guess it's working again. They should really inform us."

Colonel Marchbanks paid little attention to Wetheridge. He was the club grumbler, distinguished even in that fellowship of the dyspeptic and peremptory—always threatening to complain to the Committee, harassing the Secretary and constituting a perennial thorn in the sides of his fellow-members. He retired, murmuring, to his chair and the evening paper, and the Colonel stepped into the telephone cabinet to call up Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square.

Colonel Marchbanks barely noticed Wetheridge. He was the club's constant complainer, standing out even among the group of cranky and bossy members—always threatening to file complaints with the Committee, bothering the Secretary, and being a constant nuisance to his fellow members. He grumbled to himself as he sat down in his chair with the evening paper, while the Colonel headed to the telephone booth to call Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square.

Presently he came out through the library into the entrance-hall, and met Penberthy and Wimsey just descending the staircase.

Presently, he stepped out of the library into the entrance hall and encountered Penberthy and Wimsey as they were coming down the staircase.

"Have you broken the news to Lady Dormer?" asked Wimsey.

"Did you tell Lady Dormer the news?" asked Wimsey.

"Lady Dormer is dead," said the Colonel. "Her maid tells me she passed quietly away at half-past ten this morning."

"Lady Dormer has died," said the Colonel. "Her maid informed me that she passed away peacefully at 10:30 this morning."


CHAPTER III

Hearts Count More Than Diamonds

Hearts Matter More Than Diamonds

About ten days after that notable Armistice Day, Lord Peter Wimsey was sitting in his library, reading a rare fourteenth century manuscript of Justinian. It gave him particular pleasure, being embellished with a large number of drawings in sepia, extremely delicate in workmanship, and not always equally so in subject. Beside him on a convenient table stood a long-necked decanter of priceless old port. From time to time he stimulated his interest with a few sips, pursing his lips thoughtfully, and slowly savoring the balmy after-taste.

About ten days after that famous Armistice Day, Lord Peter Wimsey was in his library, reading a rare fourteenth-century manuscript of Justinian. He found it especially enjoyable, adorned with numerous delicate sepia drawings, which varied in subject matter. Next to him on a nearby table was a long-necked decanter of priceless old port. Every so often, he took a sip to spark his interest, pursing his lips thoughtfully and slowly savoring the smooth aftertaste.

A ring at the front door of the flat caused him to exclaim "Oh, hell!" and cock an attentive ear for the intruder's voice. Apparently the result was satisfactory, for he closed the Justinian and had assumed a welcoming smile when the door opened.

A ring at the front door of the apartment made him exclaim, "Oh, crap!" and perk up to listen for the intruder's voice. It seemed the result was good, because he closed the Justinian and put on a friendly smile when the door opened.

"Mr. Murbles, my lord."

"Mr. Murbles, your honor."

The little elderly gentleman who entered was so perfectly the family solicitor as really to have no distinguishing personality at all, beyond a great kindliness of heart and a weakness for soda-mint lozenges.

The little old gentleman who walked in was such a quintessential family lawyer that he truly had no notable personality at all, except for a warm heart and a fondness for soda-mint lozenges.

"I am not disturbing you, I trust, Lord Peter."

"I hope I’m not bothering you, Lord Peter."

"Good lord, no, sir. Always delighted to see you. Bunter, a glass for Mr. Murbles. Very glad you've turned up, sir. The Cockburn '80 always tastes a lot better in company—discernin' company, that is. Once knew a fellow who polluted it with a Trichinopoly. He was not asked again. Eight months later, he committed suicide. I don't say it was on that account. But he was earmarked for a bad end, what?"

"Good lord, no, sir. Always happy to see you. Bunter, a glass for Mr. Murbles. Really glad you made it, sir. The Cockburn '80 always tastes much better in good company—discerning company, that is. I once knew a guy who ruined it with a Trichinopoly. He wasn’t invited again. Eight months later, he took his own life. I’m not saying it was because of that. But he was doomed for a bad ending, right?"

"You horrify me," said Mr. Murbles, gravely. "I have seen many men sent to the gallows for crimes with which I could feel much more sympathy. Thank you, Bunter, thank you. You are quite well, I trust?"

"You really scare me," Mr. Murbles said seriously. "I've seen many men taken to the gallows for crimes I'd feel much more sympathy for. Thank you, Bunter, thank you. I hope you're doing well?"

"I am in excellent health, I am obliged to you, sir."

"I’m in great health, thank you, sir."

"That's good. Been doing any photography lately?"

"That's great. Have you been doing any photography recently?"

"A certain amount, sir. But merely of a pictorial description, if I may venture to call it so. Criminological material, sir, has been distressingly deficient of late."

"A certain amount, sir. But just a visual description, if I may say so. Criminological material, sir, has been worryingly lacking lately."

"Perhaps Mr. Murbles has brought us something," suggested Wimsey.

"Maybe Mr. Murbles has brought us something," suggested Wimsey.

"No," said Mr. Murbles, holding the Cockburn '80 beneath his nostrils and gently agitating the glass to release the ethers, "no, I can't say I have, precisely. I will not disguise that I have come in the hope of deriving benefit from your trained habits of observation and deduction, but I fear—that is, I trust—in fact, I am confident—that nothing of an undesirable nature is involved. The fact is," he went on, as the door closed upon the retreating Bunter, "a curious question has arisen with regard to the sad death of General Fentiman at the Bellona Club, to which, I understand, you were a witness."

"No," said Mr. Murbles, holding the Cockburn '80 under his nose and gently swirling the glass to release the aromas, "no, I can't say I have, exactly. I won't hide the fact that I came hoping to benefit from your trained skills in observation and deduction, but I fear—that is, I trust—I’m actually confident—that nothing undesirable is involved. The thing is," he continued, as the door closed behind the departing Bunter, "a curious question has come up regarding the unfortunate death of General Fentiman at the Bellona Club, which I understand you witnessed."

"If you understand that, Murbles," said his lordship, cryptically, "you understand a damn sight more than I do. I did not witness the death—I witnessed the discovery of the death—which is a very different thing, by a long chalk."

"If you get that, Murbles," his lordship said mysteriously, "you understand a hell of a lot more than I do. I didn’t see the death—I saw the finding of the death—which is a totally different thing, by a long shot."

"By how long a chalk?" asked Mr. Murbles, eagerly. "That is just what I am trying to find out."

"By how long is a chalk?" asked Mr. Murbles, eagerly. "That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out."

"That's very inquisitive of you," said Wimsey. "I think perhaps it would be better ..." he lifted his glass and tilted it thoughtfully, watching the wine coil down in thin flower-petallings from rim to stem ... "if you were to tell me exactly what you want to know ... and why. After all ... I'm a member of the Club ... family associations chiefly, I suppose ... but there it is."

"That's really curious of you," said Wimsey. "I think it might be better..." He lifted his glass and tilted it thoughtfully, watching the wine swirl down in thin, petal-like strands from rim to stem... "if you could tell me exactly what you want to know... and why. After all... I'm a member of the Club... mostly because of family connections, I guess... but that's just how it is."

Mr. Murbles looked up sharply, but Wimsey's attention seemed focussed upon the port.

Mr. Murbles glanced up quickly, but Wimsey's focus appeared to be on the port.

"Quite so," said the solicitor. "Very well. The facts of the matter are these. General Fentiman had, as you know, a sister Felicity, twelve years younger than himself. She was very beautiful and very willful as a girl, and ought to have made a very fine match, but for the fact that the Fentimans, though extremely well-descended, were anything but well-off. As usual at that period, all the money there was went to educating the boy, buying him a commission in a crack regiment and supporting him there in the style which was considered indispensable for a Fentiman. Consequently there was nothing left to furnish a marriage-portion for Felicity, and that was rather disastrous for a young woman sixty years ago.

"Absolutely," said the lawyer. "Alright. Here’s the situation. General Fentiman had a sister named Felicity, who was twelve years younger than him. She was very beautiful and quite headstrong as a girl, and she should have made a great match, except for the fact that the Fentimans, while coming from a prestigious background, weren’t financially well-off. As was typical at that time, all the money went toward educating the boy, buying him a commission in an elite regiment, and supporting him in the way that was deemed necessary for a Fentiman. As a result, there was nothing left to provide a dowry for Felicity, which was pretty disastrous for a young woman sixty years ago."

"Well, Felicity got tired of being dragged through the social round in her darned muslins and gloves that had been to the cleaners—and she had the spirit to resent her mother's perpetual strategies in the match-making line. There was a dreadful, decrepit old viscount, eaten up with diseases and dissipations, who would have been delighted to totter to the altar with a handsome young creature of eighteen, and I am sorry to say that the girl's father and mother did everything they could to force her into accepting this disgraceful proposal. In fact, the engagement was announced and the wedding-day fixed, when, to the extreme horror of her family, Felicity calmly informed them one morning that she had gone out before breakfast and actually got married, in the most indecent secrecy and haste, to a middle-aged man called Dormer, very honest and abundantly wealthy, and—horrid to relate—a prosperous manufacturer. Buttons, in fact—made of papier mâché or something, with a patent indestructible shank—were the revolting antecedents to which this head-strong young Victorian had allied herself.

"Well, Felicity got fed up with being dragged around the social scene in her annoying muslins and gloves that had just been cleaned—and she had the guts to resent her mom's constant matchmaking schemes. There was an awful, decrepit old viscount, full of illnesses and vices, who would have loved to shuffle down the aisle with a beautiful eighteen-year-old, and I’m sorry to say that her parents did everything they could to pressure her into accepting this disgraceful proposal. In fact, the engagement was announced and the wedding date set when, to her family’s utter shock, Felicity calmly told them one morning that she had gone out before breakfast and actually got married, in the most scandalous secrecy and haste, to a middle-aged man named Dormer, who was very honest and very wealthy, and—horribly enough—a successful manufacturer. Buttons, made of something like papier mâché with a patent indestructible shank—were the disgusting origins to which this strong-willed young Victorian had tied herself."

"Naturally there was a terrible scandal, and the parents did their best—seeing that Felicity was a minor—to get the marriage annulled. However, Felicity checkmated their plans pretty effectually by escaping from her bedroom—I fear, indeed, that she actually climbed down a tree in the back-garden, crinoline and all—and running away with her husband. After which, seeing that the worst had happened—indeed, Dormer, a man of prompt action, lost no time in putting his bride in the family way—the old people put the best face they could on it in the grand Victorian manner. That is, they gave their consent to the marriage, forwarded their daughter's belongings to her new home in Manchester, and forbade her to darken their doors again."

"Naturally, there was a huge scandal, and the parents did their best—since Felicity was underage—to get the marriage annulled. However, Felicity effectively thwarted their plans by sneaking out of her bedroom—I’m afraid she actually climbed down a tree in the backyard, crinoline and all—and ran away with her husband. After that, seeing that the worst had happened—indeed, Dormer, a man of quick action, wasted no time in getting his bride pregnant—the parents put on a brave face in the classic Victorian style. That is, they gave their consent to the marriage, sent their daughter’s belongings to her new home in Manchester, and forbade her from ever coming back."

"Highly proper," murmured Wimsey. "I'm determined never to be a parent. Modern manners and the break-up of the fine old traditions have simply ruined the business. I shall devote my life and fortune to the endowment of research on the best method of producin' human beings decorously and unobtrusively from eggs. All parental responsibility to devolve upon the incubator."

"Very proper," Wimsey murmured. "I've decided that I never want to be a parent. Today's social norms and the breakdown of those fine old traditions have completely messed things up. I'm going to dedicate my life and wealth to funding research on the best way to produce human beings decently and discreetly from eggs. All parental responsibility should fall on the incubator."

"I hope not," said Mr. Murbles. "My own profession is largely supported by domestic entanglements. To proceed. Young Arthur Fentiman seems to have shared the family views. He was disgusted at having a brother-in-law in buttons, and the jests of his mess-mates did nothing to sweeten his feelings toward his sister. He became impenetrably military and professional, crusted over before his time, and refused to aknowledge the existence of anybody called Dormer. Mind you, the old boy was a fine soldier, and absolutely wrapped up in his Army associations. In due course he married—not well, for he had not the means to entitle himself to a noble wife, and he would not demean himself by marrying money, like the unspeakable Felicity. He married a suitable gentlewoman with a few thousand pounds. She died (largely, I believe, owing to the military regularity with which her husband ordained that she should perform her maternal functions), leaving a numerous but feeble family of children. Of these, the only one to attain maturity was the father of the two Fentimans you know—Major Robert and Captain George Fentiman."

"I hope not," said Mr. Murbles. "My own job relies heavily on family issues. To continue. Young Arthur Fentiman seems to have shared the family views. He was disgusted at having a brother-in-law in uniform, and the jokes from his fellow soldiers did nothing to improve his feelings toward his sister. He became intensely focused on his military career, hardened before his time, and refused to acknowledge anyone named Dormer. That said, the old man was a great soldier and completely devoted to his Army connections. Eventually, he got married—not well, since he didn't have the means to secure a noble wife, and he wouldn't lower himself by marrying for money, unlike the horrible Felicity. He married a suitable woman with a few thousand pounds. She died (mostly, I believe, due to the strict way her husband insisted on her carrying out her motherly duties), leaving behind a large but weak family of children. Of these, the only one to grow up was the father of the two Fentimans you know—Major Robert and Captain George Fentiman."

"I don't know Robert very well," interjected Wimsey. "I've met him. Frightfully hearty and all that—regular army type."

"I don't know Robert very well," Wimsey said. "I've met him. Really enthusiastic and all that—definitely a regular army kind of guy."

"Yes, he's of the old Fentiman stock. Poor George inherited a weakly strain from his grandmother, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, he comes from the old Fentiman family. Unfortunately, George inherited a frail lineage from his grandmother."

"Well, nervous, anyhow," said Wimsey, who knew better than the old solicitor the kind of mental and physical strain George Fentiman had undergone. The War pressed hardly upon imaginative men in responsible positions. "And then he was gassed and all that, you know," he added, apologetically.

"Well, nervous, anyway," said Wimsey, who understood better than the old solicitor the kind of mental and physical strain George Fentiman had been through. The War took a toll on imaginative men in responsible roles. "And then he was gassed and all that, you know," he added, apologetically.

"Just so," said Mr. Murbles. "Robert, you know, is unmarried and still in the Army. He's not particularly well-off, naturally, for none of the Fentimans ever had a bean, as I believe one says nowadays; but he does very well. George——"

"Exactly," said Mr. Murbles. "Robert, you know, is single and still in the Army. He’s not exactly rich, of course, since the Fentimans have never had much money, as I think people say these days; but he gets by just fine. George——"

"Poor old George! All right, sir, you needn't tell me about him. Usual story. Decentish job—imprudent marriage—chucks everything to join up in 1914—invalided out—job gone—health gone—no money—heroic wife keeping the home-fires burning—general fed-upness. Don't let's harrow our feelings. Take it as read."

"Poor old George! Alright, you don’t need to fill me in. Same old story. Decent job—bad choice in marriage—throws it all away to enlist in 1914—comes back injured—job gone—health gone—no money—brave wife holding things together—just a general sense of being fed up. Let’s not dwell on it. Consider it understood."

"Yes, I needn't go into that. Their father is dead, of course, and up till ten days ago there were just two surviving Fentimans of the earlier generation. The old General lived on the small fixed income which came to him through his wife and his retired pension. He had a solitary little flat in Dover Street and an elderly man-servant, and he practically lived at the Bellona Club. And there was his sister, Felicity."

"Yes, I don't need to go into that. Their father has passed away, of course, and until ten days ago, there were only two surviving Fentimans from the previous generation. The old General lived on a small fixed income from his wife and his retirement pension. He had a small apartment on Dover Street and an elderly servant, and he practically lived at the Bellona Club. And then there was his sister, Felicity."

"How did she come to be Lady Dormer?"

"How did she become Lady Dormer?"

"Why, that's where we come to the interesting part of the story. Henry Dormer——"

"That's where we get to the interesting part of the story. Henry Dormer——"

"The button-maker?"

"The button maker?"

"The button-maker. He became an exceedingly rich man indeed—so rich, in fact, that he was able to offer financial assistance to certain exalted persons who need not be mentioned and so, in time, and in consideration of valuable services to the nation not very clearly specified in the Honors List, he became Sir Henry Dormer, Bart. His only child—a girl—had died, and there was no prospect of any further family, so there was, of course, no reason why he should not be made a baronet for his trouble."

"The button-maker. He became incredibly wealthy—so wealthy, in fact, that he could provide financial help to certain prominent individuals whose names need not be mentioned. Eventually, in recognition of valuable yet vaguely defined services to the nation listed in the Honors List, he was made Sir Henry Dormer, Bart. His only child—a daughter—had passed away, and with no chance of more family, there was really no reason why he shouldn’t be made a baronet for his efforts."

"Acid man you are," said Wimsey. "No reverence, no simple faith or anything of that kind. Do lawyers ever go to heaven?"

"You're an acid man," said Wimsey. "No respect, no simple faith, or anything like that. Do lawyers ever go to heaven?"

"I have no information on that point," said Mr. Murbles, dryly. "Lady Dormer——"

"I have no information on that," Mr. Murbles said flatly. "Lady Dormer——"

"Did the marriage turn out well otherwise?" inquired Wimsey.

"Did the marriage go well otherwise?" Wimsey asked.

"I believe it was perfectly happy," replied the lawyer, "an unfortunate circumstance in one way, since it entirely precluded the possibility of any reconciliation with her relatives. Lady Dormer, who was a fine, generous-hearted woman, frequently made overtures of peace, but the General held sternly aloof. So did his son—partly out of respect for the old boy's wishes, but chiefly, I fancy, because he belonged to an Indian regiment and spent most of his time abroad. Robert Fentiman, however, showed the old lady a certain amount of attention, paying occasional visits and so forth, and so did George at one time. Of course they never let the General know a word about it, or he would have had a fit. After the War, George rather dropped his great-aunt—I don't know why."

"I think she was really happy," replied the lawyer, "which was unfortunate in a way since it completely blocked any chance of reconciliation with her family. Lady Dormer, who was a kind and generous woman, often tried to make peace, but the General stayed firm and kept his distance. His son did too—partly out of respect for the old man's wishes, but mainly, I believe, because he was in an Indian regiment and spent most of his time overseas. Robert Fentiman, on the other hand, showed the old lady some attention, visiting her now and then, and George did at one point too. Of course, they never told the General about it, or he would have had a fit. After the War, George pretty much stopped visiting his great-aunt—I have no idea why."

"I can guess," said Wimsey. "No job—no money, y' know. Didn't want to look pointed. That sort of thing, what?"

"I can guess," said Wimsey. "No job—no money, you know. Didn't want to look obvious. That kind of thing, right?"

"Possibly. Or there may have been some kind of quarrel. I don't know. Anyway, those are the facts. I hope I am not boring you, by the way?"

"Maybe. Or there could have been some sort of argument. I'm not sure. Anyway, those are the facts. I hope I'm not boring you, by the way?"

"I am bearing up," said Wimsey, "waiting for the point where the Money comes in. There's a steely legal glitter in your eye, sir, which suggests that the thrill is not far off."

"I’m hanging in there," said Wimsey, "waiting for the moment when the money comes in. There’s a sharp, legal glint in your eye, sir, that suggests the excitement is just around the corner."

"Quite correct," said Mr. Murbles. "I now come—thank you, well, yes—I will take just one more glass. I thank Providence I am not of a gouty constitution. Yes. Ah!—We now come to the melancholy event of November 11th last, and I must ask you to follow me with the closest attention."

"Exactly," said Mr. Murbles. "Now, I’d like to—thank you, yes, I’ll have just one more drink. I’m grateful that I don’t suffer from gout. Yes. Ah!—Now we need to discuss the sad event from November 11th, and I ask you to pay close attention."

"By all means," said Wimsey, politely.

"Of course," said Wimsey, politely.

"Lady Dormer," pursued Mr. Murbles, leaning earnestly forward, and punctuating every sentence with sharp little jabs of his gold-mounted eye-glasses, held in his right finger and thumb, "was an old woman, and had been ailing for a very long time. However, she was still the same head-strong and vivacious personality that she had been as a girl, and on the fifth of November she was suddenly seized with a fancy to go out at night and see a display of fireworks at the Crystal Palace or some such place—it may have been Hampstead Heath or the White City—I forget, and it is of no consequence. The important thing is, that it was a raw, cold evening. She insisted on undertaking her little expedition nevertheless, enjoyed the entertainment as heartily as the youngest child, imprudently exposed herself to the night air and caught a severe cold which, in two days' time, turned to pneumonia. On November 10th she was sinking fast, and scarcely expected to live out the night. Accordingly, the young lady who lived with her as her ward—a distant relative, Miss Ann Dorland—sent a message to General Fentiman that if he wished to see his sister alive, he should come immediately. For the sake of our common human nature, I am happy to say that this news broke down the barrier of pride and obstinacy that had kept the old gentleman away so long. He came, found Lady Dormer just conscious, though very feeble, stayed with her about half an hour and departed, still stiff as a ramrod, but visibly softened. This was about four o'clock in the afternoon. Shortly afterwards, Lady Dormer became unconscious, and, indeed, never moved or spoke again, passing peacefully away in her sleep at half-past ten the following morning.

"Lady Dormer," continued Mr. Murbles, leaning forward with intention and punctuating each sentence with quick pokes of his gold-mounted glasses, held in his right hand, "was an older woman who had been unwell for quite some time. However, she still had the same strong-willed and lively personality she had as a girl, and on November 5th, she suddenly decided she wanted to go out at night to see a fireworks display at the Crystal Palace or somewhere similar—it might have been Hampstead Heath or the White City—I can't recall, and it doesn't really matter. The key point is that it was a chilly, raw evening. She insisted on going out anyway, enjoyed the show just as much as the youngest child, foolishly exposed herself to the cold night air, and caught a bad cold that turned into pneumonia within two days. By November 10th, she was deteriorating rapidly and hardly expected to survive the night. So, the young lady living with her as a ward—a distant relative, Miss Ann Dorland—sent a message to General Fentiman that if he wanted to see his sister alive, he should come right away. For the sake of our shared humanity, I’m glad to say that this news broke the pride and stubbornness that had kept the old man away for so long. He came, found Lady Dormer barely conscious but very weak, stayed with her for about half an hour, and left still as stiff as a board, but noticeably softened. This was around four o'clock in the afternoon. Shortly after, Lady Dormer lost consciousness and never spoke or moved again, passing peacefully in her sleep at 10:30 the following morning."

"Presumably the shock and nervous strain of the interview with his long-estranged sister had been too much for the old General's feeble system, for, as you know, he died at the Bellona Club at some time—not yet clearly ascertained—on the same day, the eleventh of November.

"Probably the shock and stress of the meeting with his long-estranged sister were too much for the old General's fragile health, because, as you know, he died at the Bellona Club sometime—not yet clearly determined—on the same day, November 11th."

"Now then, at last—and you have been very patient with my tedious way of explaining all this—we come to the point at which we want your help."

"Okay, so finally—and I appreciate your patience with my long-winded explanations—we've reached the point where we need your help."

Mr. Murbles refreshed himself with a sip of port, and, looking a little anxiously at Wimsey, who had closed his eyes and appeared to be nearly asleep, he resumed.

Mr. Murbles took a sip of port to refresh himself and, glancing a bit worriedly at Wimsey, who had closed his eyes and seemed close to falling asleep, he continued.

"I have not mentioned, I think, how I come to be involved in this matter myself. My father was the Fentimans' family solicitor, a position to which I naturally succeeded when I took over the business at his death. General Fentiman, though he had little enough to leave, was not the sort of disorderly person who dies without making a proper testamentary disposition. His retired pension, of course, died with him, but his small private estate was properly disposed by will. There was a small legacy—fifty pounds—to his man-servant (a very attached and superior fellow); then one or two trifling bequests to old military friends and the servants at the Bellona Club (rings, medals, weapons and small sums of a few pounds each). Then came the bulk of his estate, about £2,000, invested in sound securities, and bringing in an income of slightly over £100 per annum. These securities, specifically named and enumerated, were left to Captain George Fentiman, the younger grandson, in a very proper clause, which stated that the testator intended no slight in thus passing over the elder one, Major Robert, but that, as George stood in the greater need of monetary help, being disabled, married, and so forth, whereas his brother had his profession and was without ties, George's greater necessity gave him the better claim to such money as there was. Robert was finally named as executor and residuary legatee, thus succeeding to all such personal effects and monies as were not specifically devised elsewhere. Is that clear?"

"I don't think I've mentioned how I got involved in this situation. My dad was the family lawyer for the Fentimans, and I took over his practice after he passed away. General Fentiman, even though he didn't have much to leave behind, wasn’t the kind of person who would die without making a proper will. His pension ended with him, but his small estate was properly divided in his will. He left a small legacy of fifty pounds to his loyal man-servant, who was quite a remarkable fellow, and then made a few minor bequests to some old military friends and the staff at the Bellona Club (things like rings, medals, weapons, and small amounts of cash). The bulk of his estate, about £2,000, was invested in solid securities that generated just over £100 a year. These securities, which were specifically named, were left to Captain George Fentiman, his younger grandson, in a well-written clause stating that the testator meant no disrespect by passing over the older grandson, Major Robert. Instead, George had a greater need for financial support since he was disabled and married, while Robert had his career and no financial obligations. Therefore, George's greater need gave him a stronger claim to the available money. Robert was finally appointed as executor and residual legatee, inheriting all personal effects and money that weren’t specifically allocated elsewhere. Is that clear?"

"Clear as a bell. Was Robert satisfied with that arrangement?"

"Clear as day. Was Robert okay with that arrangement?"

"Oh dear, yes; perfectly. He knew all about the will beforehand and had agreed that it was quite fair and right."

"Oh dear, yes; absolutely. He knew all about the will ahead of time and had agreed that it was completely fair and reasonable."

"Nevertheless," said Wimsey, "it appears to be such a small matter, on the face of it, that you must be concealing something perfectly devastating up your sleeve. Out with it, man, out with it! Whatever the shock may be, I am braced to bear it."

"Still," Wimsey said, "this seems like such a small issue at first glance that you must be hiding something truly shocking. Just spill it, man, just spill it! No matter how shocking it is, I'm ready for it."

"The shock," said Mr. Murbles, "was inflicted on me, personally, last Friday by Lady Dormer's man of business—Mr. Pritchard of Lincoln's Inn. He wrote to me, asking if I could inform him of the exact hour and minute of General Fentiman's decease. I replied, of course, that, owing to the peculiar circumstances under which the event took place, I was unable to answer his question as precisely as I could have wished, but that I understood Dr. Penberthy to have given it as his opinion that the General had died some time in the forenoon of November 11th. Mr. Pritchard then asked if he might wait upon me without delay, as the matter he had to discuss was of the most urgent importance. Accordingly I appointed a time for the interview on Monday afternoon, and when Mr. Pritchard arrived he informed me of the following particulars.

"The shock," said Mr. Murbles, "was delivered to me personally last Friday by Lady Dormer's business advisor—Mr. Pritchard of Lincoln's Inn. He wrote to me, asking if I could tell him the exact hour and minute of General Fentiman's death. I replied, of course, that due to the unusual circumstances surrounding the event, I couldn't provide an answer as precisely as I would have liked, but I understood Dr. Penberthy believed that the General had passed sometime in the morning of November 11th. Mr. Pritchard then asked if he could meet with me immediately, as the matter he needed to discuss was extremely urgent. So, I set up a time for the meeting on Monday afternoon, and when Mr. Pritchard arrived, he informed me of the following details."

"A good many years before her death, Lady Dormer—who, as I said before, was an eminently generous-minded woman—made a will. Her husband and her daughter were then dead. Henry Dormer had few relations, and all of them were fairly wealthy people. By his own will he had sufficiently provided for these persons, and had left the remainder of his property, amounting to something like seven hundred thousand pounds, to his wife, with the express stipulation that she was to consider it as her own, to do what she liked with, without any restriction whatsoever. Accordingly, Lady Dormer's will divided this very handsome fortune—apart from certain charitable and personal bequests with which I need not trouble you—between the people who, for one reason and another, had the greatest claims on her affection. Twelve thousand pounds were to go to Miss Ann Dorland. The whole of the remainder was to pass to her brother, General Fentiman, if he was still living at her death. If, on the other hand, he should pre-decease her, the conditions were reversed. In that case, the bulk of the money came to Miss Dorland, and fifteen thousand pounds were to be equally divided between Major Robert Fentiman and his brother George."

Many years before her death, Lady Dormer—who, as I mentioned earlier, was an incredibly generous person—made a will. Her husband and daughter had already passed away. Henry Dormer had few relatives, and all of them were relatively well-off. He had adequately provided for these individuals in his own will and left the rest of his wealth, about seven hundred thousand pounds, to his wife, with the clear condition that she could treat it as her own and use it however she wanted, without any limitations. Consequently, Lady Dormer's will distributed this significant fortune—aside from some charitable and personal gifts that aren't relevant here—among those who, for various reasons, meant the most to her. Twelve thousand pounds were allocated to Miss Ann Dorland. The entire remaining amount was to go to her brother, General Fentiman, if he was still alive at the time of her death. If he passed away before her, the arrangements would be different. In that scenario, most of the money would go to Miss Dorland, and fifteen thousand pounds would be split equally between Major Robert Fentiman and his brother George.

Wimsey whistled softly.

Wimsey whistled quietly.

"I quite agree with you," said Mr. Murbles. "It is a most awkward situation. Lady Dormer died at precisely 10:37 A.M. on November 11th. General Fentiman died that same morning at some time, presumably after 10 o'clock, which was his usual hour for arriving at the Club, and certainly before 7 P.M. when his death was discovered. If he died immediately on his arrival, or at any time up to 10:36, then Miss Dorland is an important heiress, and my clients the Fentimans get only seven thousand pounds or so apiece. If, on the other hand, his death occurred even a few seconds after 10:37, Miss Dorland receives only twelve thousand pounds, George Fentiman is left with the small pittance bequeathed to him under his father's will—while Robert Fentiman, the residuary legatee, inherits a very considerable fortune of well over half a million."

"I totally agree with you," Mr. Murbles said. "It's a really awkward situation. Lady Dormer passed away at exactly 10:37 AM on November 11th. General Fentiman died that same morning, sometime after 10 o'clock, which was when he usually arrived at the Club, and definitely before 7 PM when they found out about his death. If he died right after he got there, or any time up to 10:36, then Miss Dorland becomes a significant heiress, and my clients, the Fentimans, only get about seven thousand pounds each. On the flip side, if he died even a few seconds after 10:37, Miss Dorland gets just twelve thousand pounds, George Fentiman is left with the small amount his father’s will gave him, while Robert Fentiman, the residuary legatee, inherits a very large fortune of well over half a million."

"And what," said Wimsey, "do you want me to do about it?"

"And what," Wimsey said, "do you want me to do about it?"

"Why," replied the lawyer, with a slight cough, "it occurred to me that you, with your—if I may say so—remarkable powers of deduction and analysis might be able to solve the extremely difficult and delicate problem of the precise moment of General Fentiman's decease. You were in the Club when the death was discovered, you saw the body, you know the places and the persons involved, and you are, by your standing and personal character, exceptionally well fitted to carry out the necessary investigations without creating any—ahem!—public agitation or—er—scandal, or, in fact, notoriety, which would, I need hardly say, be extremely painful to all concerned."

"Why," the lawyer said, clearing his throat a bit, "I thought that you, with your—if I may say so—remarkable skills in deduction and analysis, might be able to figure out the very tricky and sensitive issue of the exact moment General Fentiman passed away. You were at the Club when the death was discovered, you saw the body, you know the locations and the people involved, and because of your reputation and personal integrity, you're exceptionally well-suited to conduct the necessary investigations without causing any—um!—public disturbance or—er—scandal, or, to be honest, any notoriety, which would, I shouldn’t have to mention, be very distressing for everyone involved."

"It's awkward," said Wimsey, "uncommonly awkward."

"It's awkward," Wimsey said, "really awkward."

"It is indeed," said the lawyer with some warmth, "for as we are now situated, it is impossible to execute either will or—or in short do anything at all. It is most unfortunate that the circumstances were not fully understood at the time, when the—um—the body of General Fentiman was available for inspection. Naturally, Mr. Pritchard was quite unaware of the anomalous situation, and as I knew nothing about Lady Dormer's will, I had no idea that anything beyond Dr. Penberthy's certificate was, or ever could become, necessary."

"It really is," said the lawyer warmly, "because given our current situation, we can't execute either will or—well, do anything at all. It's really unfortunate that the circumstances weren't fully understood back when the—um—the body of General Fentiman was available for inspection. Naturally, Mr. Pritchard had no clue about the unusual situation, and since I didn't know anything about Lady Dormer's will, I had no idea that anything beyond Dr. Penberthy's certificate was, or could ever be, necessary."

"Couldn't you get the parties to come to some agreement?" suggested Wimsey.

"Couldn't you get the parties to agree on something?" suggested Wimsey.

"If we are unable to reach any satisfactory conclusion about the time of the death, that will probably be the only way out of the difficulty. But at the moment there are certain obstacles——"

"If we can't come to a satisfactory conclusion about the time of death, that will likely be the only way out of the problem. But right now, there are certain obstacles——"

"Somebody's being greedy, eh?—You'd rather not say more definitely, I suppose? No? H'm, well! From a purely detached point of view it's a very pleasin' and pretty little problem, you know."

"Someone's being greedy, huh?—You'd rather not be more specific, I guess? No? Hmm, well! From a completely unbiased perspective, it's a really nice and interesting little dilemma, you know."

"You will undertake to solve it for us then, Lord Peter?"

"You'll take on solving it for us then, Lord Peter?"

Wimsey's fingers tapped out an intricate fugal passage on the arm of his chair.

Wimsey's fingers tapped out a complex fugal passage on the arm of his chair.

"If I were you, Murbles, I'd try again to get a settlement."

"If I were you, Murbles, I’d try once more to work out a deal."

"Do you mean," asked Mr. Murbles, "that you think my clients have a losing case?"

"Are you saying," Mr. Murbles asked, "that you believe my clients have a losing case?"

"No—I can't say that. By the way, Murbles, who is your client—Robert or George?"

"No—I can't say that. By the way, Murbles, who is your client—Robert or George?"

"Well, the Fentiman family in general. I know, naturally, that Robert's gain is George's loss. But none of the parties wishes anything but that the actual facts of the case should be determined."

"Well, the Fentiman family overall. I understand, of course, that Robert's gain is George's loss. But none of the parties wants anything but for the actual facts of the case to be determined."

"I see. You'll put up with anything I happen to dig out?"

"I get it. You'll tolerate whatever I find?"

"Of course."

"Definitely."

"However favorable or unfavorable it may be?"

"Regardless of whether it's good or bad?"

"I should not lend myself to any other course," said Mr. Murbles, rather stiffly.

"I shouldn’t take any other route," said Mr. Murbles, somewhat rigidly.

"I know that, sir. But—well!—I only mean that—Look here, sir! when you were a boy, did you ever go about pokin' sticks and things into peaceful, mysterious lookin' ponds, just to see what was at the bottom?"

"I know that, sir. But—well!—I just mean that—Look, sir! when you were a kid, did you ever go around poking sticks and stuff into calm, mysterious-looking ponds, just to see what was at the bottom?"

"Frequently," replied Mr. Murbles. "I was extremely fond of natural history and had a quite remarkable collection (if I may say so at this distance of time) of pond fauna."

"Often," replied Mr. Murbles. "I was really into natural history and had a pretty impressive collection (if I can say so after all this time) of pond creatures."

"Did you ever happen to stir up a deuce of a stink in the course of your researches?"

"Have you ever caused a lot of trouble during your research?"

"My dear Lord Peter—you are making me positively uneasy."

"My dear Lord Peter, you're making me really uneasy."

"Oh, I don't know that you need be. I am only giving you a general warning, you know. Of course, if you wish it, I'll investigate this business like a shot."

"Oh, I don't think you need to be. I'm just giving you a heads up, you know. If you want, I'll look into this matter right away."

"It's very good of you," said Mr. Murbles.

"It's really nice of you," said Mr. Murbles.

"Not at all. I shall enjoy it all right. If anything odd comes of it, that's your funeral. You never know, you know."

"Not at all. I will enjoy it just fine. If anything strange happens, that's on you. You never know, right?"

"If you decide that no satisfactory conclusion can be arrived at," said Mr. Murbles, "we can always fall back on the settlement. I am sure all parties wish to avoid litigation."

"If you think we can't reach a satisfying conclusion," Mr. Murbles said, "we can always resort to the settlement. I'm sure everyone wants to avoid a lawsuit."

"In case the estate vanishes in costs? Very wise. I hope it may be feasible. Have you made any preliminary inquiries?"

"In case the estate disappears due to expenses? Very smart. I hope it’s possible. Have you done any preliminary research?"

"None to speak of. I would rather you undertook the whole investigation from the beginning."

"Not really. I’d prefer if you started the entire investigation from scratch."

"Very well. I'll start to-morrow and let you know how it gets on."

"Okay. I'll start tomorrow and let you know how it goes."

The lawyer thanked him and took his departure. Wimsey sat pondering for a short time—then rang the bell for his man-servant.

The lawyer thanked him and left. Wimsey sat thinking for a moment—then rang the bell for his servant.

"A new notebook, please, Bunter. Head it 'Fentiman' and be ready to come round with me to the Bellona Club to-morrow, complete with camera and the rest of the outfit."

"A new notebook, please, Bunter. Label it 'Fentiman' and get ready to come with me to the Bellona Club tomorrow, with the camera and all the other gear."

"Very good, my lord. I take it your lordship has a new inquiry in hand?"

"Great, my lord. I assume you have a new question for me?"

"Yes, Bunter—quite new."

"Yes, Bunter—totally new."

"May I venture to ask if it is a promising case, my lord?"

"Can I ask if this is a promising case, my lord?"

"It has its points. So has a porcupine. No matter. Begone, dull care! Be at great pains, Bunter, to cultivate a detached outlook on life. Take example by the bloodhound, who will follow up with equal and impartial zest the trail of a parricide or of a bottle of aniseed."

"It has its good sides. So does a porcupine. Whatever. Go away, dull worries! Make sure, Bunter, to develop a detached perspective on life. Look to the bloodhound, who will eagerly and impartially track the path of a killer or a bottle of aniseed."

"I will bear it in mind, my lord."

"I'll remember that, my lord."

Wimsey moved slowly across to the little black baby grand that stood in the corner of the library.

Wimsey walked slowly over to the small black baby grand piano in the corner of the library.

"Not Bach this evening," he murmured to himself. "Bach for to-morrow when the gray matter begins to revolve." A melody of Parry's formed itself crooningly under his fingers. 'For man worketh in a vain shadow ... he heapeth up riches and cannot tell who shall gather them.' He laughed suddenly, and plunged into an odd, noisy, and painfully inharmonious study by a modern composer in the key of seven sharps.

"Not Bach tonight," he whispered to himself. "Bach for tomorrow when my mind starts to kick in." A Parry tune came to life softly under his fingers. 'For man works in a fleeting shadow ... he accumulates wealth and has no idea who will benefit from it.' He suddenly laughed and dove into a strange, noisy, and painfully discordant piece by a contemporary composer in the key of seven sharps.


CHAPTER IV

Lord Peter Leads A Club

Lord Peter Runs A Club

"You are quite sure this suit is all right, Bunter?" said Lord Peter, anxiously.

"You really think this suit is okay, Bunter?" Lord Peter asked, nervously.

It was an easy lounge suit, tweedy in texture, and a trifle more pronounced in color and pattern than Wimsey usually permitted himself. While not unsuitable for town wear, it yet diffused a faint suggestion of hills and the sea.

It was a casual lounge suit, with a tweedy texture and a slightly bolder color and pattern than Wimsey usually allowed himself. Although it wasn't inappropriate for the city, it still gave off a subtle hint of hills and the ocean.

"I want to look approachable," he went on, "but on no account loud. I can't help wondering whether that stripe of invisible green wouldn't have looked better if it had been a remote purple."

"I want to seem friendly," he continued, "but definitely not loud. I can't help thinking that that line of invisible green might have looked better if it were a distant purple."

This suggestion seemed to disconcert Bunter. There was a pause while he visualized a remote purple stripe. At length, however, the palpitating balance of his mind seemed to settle definitely down.

This suggestion seemed to throw Bunter off balance. There was a pause while he imagined a distant purple stripe. Eventually, though, the racing thoughts in his mind seemed to calm down and settle.

"No, my lord," he said firmly, "I do not think purple would be an improvement. Interesting—yes; but, if I may so express myself, decidedly less affable."

"No, my lord," he said firmly, "I do not think purple would be an improvement. Interesting—yes; but, if I may say so, definitely less friendly."

"Thank goodness," said his lordship, "I'm sure you're right. You always are. And it would have been a bore to get it changed now. You are sure you've removed all the newness, eh? Hate new clothes."

"Thank goodness," said his lordship, "I'm sure you're right. You always are. And it would have been a hassle to change it now. You're sure you've taken off all the newness, right? I can’t stand new clothes."

"Positive, my lord. I assure your lordship that the garments have every appearance of being several months old."

"Definitely, my lord. I assure you that the clothes look like they are several months old."

"Oh, all right. Well, give me the malacca with the foot-rule marked on it—and where's my lens?"

"Oh, fine. Just hand me the malacca with the foot-rule on it—and where's my lens?"

"Here, my lord," Bunter produced an innocent-looking monocle, which was, in reality, a powerful magnifier. "And the finger-print powder is in your lordship's right-hand coat-pocket."

"Here you go, my lord," Bunter handed over an innocent-looking monocle that was actually a strong magnifying glass. "And the fingerprint powder is in your right-hand coat pocket."

"Thanks. Well, I think that's all. I'll go on now, and I want you to follow on with the doings in about an hour's time."

"Thanks. Well, I think that's everything. I'll head out now, and I want you to catch up with what's happening in about an hour."

The Bellona Club is situated in Piccadilly, not many hundred yards west of Wimsey's own flat, which overlooks the Green Park. The commissionaire greeted him with a pleased smile.

The Bellona Club is located in Piccadilly, just a short walk west of Wimsey's flat, which overlooks the Green Park. The doorman welcomed him with a friendly smile.

"Mornin', Rogers, how are you?"

"Morning, Rogers, how are you?"

"Very well, my lord, I thank you."

"Okay, my lord, thank you."

"D'you know if Major Fentiman is in the Club, by the way?"

"Do you know if Major Fentiman is at the Club, by the way?"

"No, my lord. Major Fentiman is not residing with us at present. I believe he is occupying the late General Fentiman's flat, my lord."

"No, my lord. Major Fentiman isn't staying with us right now. I think he's living in the late General Fentiman's apartment, my lord."

"Ah, yes—very sad business, that."

"Ah, yes—very sad situation, that."

"Very melancholy, my lord. Not a pleasant thing to happen in the Club. Very shocking, my lord."

"Very sad, my lord. It's not a nice thing to have happen at the Club. Very shocking, my lord."

"Yes—still, he was a very old man. I suppose it had to be some day. Queer to think of 'em all sittin' round him there and never noticin', eh, what?"

"Yeah—he was definitely an old man. I guess it had to happen eventually. It's strange to think about everyone sitting around him and not even noticing, right?"

"Yes, my lord. It gave Mrs. Rogers quite a turn when I told her about it."

"Yeah, my lord. It really shocked Mrs. Rogers when I told her about it."

"Seems almost unbelievable, don't it? Sittin' round all those hours—must have been several hours, I gather, from what the doctor says. I suppose the old boy came in at his usual time, eh?"

"Seems almost unbelievable, doesn't it? Sitting around for all those hours—must have been several hours, I guess, from what the doctor says. I suppose the old guy came in at his usual time, right?"

"Ah! regular as clock-work, the General was. Always on the stroke of ten. 'Good morning, Rogers', he'd say, a bit stiff-like, but very friendly. And then, 'Fine morning,' he'd say, as like as not. And sometimes ask after Mrs. Rogers and the family. A fine old gentleman, my lord. We shall all miss him."

"Ah! The General was as regular as clockwork. Always right at ten. 'Good morning, Rogers,' he'd say, a little stiff but very friendly. And then, 'It's a nice morning,' he’d often add. Sometimes he’d ask about Mrs. Rogers and the kids. A great old gentleman, my lord. We'll all miss him."

"Did you notice whether he seemed specially feeble or tired that morning at all?" inquired Wimsey, casually, tapping a cigarette on the back of his hand.

"Did you notice if he looked particularly weak or tired that morning?" Wimsey asked casually, tapping a cigarette on the back of his hand.

"Why, no, my lord. I beg your pardon, I fancied you knew. I wasn't on duty that day, my lord. I was kindly given permission to attend the ceremony at the Cenotaph. Very grand sight, it was, too, my lord. Mrs. Rogers was greatly moved."

"Of course not, my lord. I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I wasn’t working that day, my lord. I was graciously allowed to attend the ceremony at the Cenotaph. It was quite a spectacular sight, my lord. Mrs. Rogers was really touched."

"Oh, of course, Rogers—I was forgetting. Naturally, you would be there. So you didn't see the General to say good-bye, as it were. Still, it wouldn't have done to miss the Cenotaph. Matthews took your duty over, I suppose."

"Oh, right, Rogers—I totally forgot. Of course, you would be there. So you didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the General, I guess. Still, it wouldn't have been right to miss the Cenotaph. I assume Matthews took over your duty."

"No, my lord. Matthews is laid up with 'flu, I am sorry to say. It was Weston was at the door all morning, my lord."

"No, my lord. Matthews is down with the flu, I’m sorry to say. Weston was at the door all morning, my lord."

"Weston? Who's he?"

"Weston? Who is that?"

"He's new, my lord. Took the place of Briggs. You recollect Briggs—his uncle died and left him a fish-shop."

"He's new, my lord. He took Briggs' place. You remember Briggs—his uncle passed away and left him a fish shop."

"Of course he did; just so. When does Weston come on parade? I must make his acquaintance."

"Of course he did; exactly. When does Weston appear in the parade? I need to meet him."

"He'll be here at one o'clock, when I go to my lunch, my lord."

"He'll be here at one o'clock, right when I go to lunch, my lord."

"Oh, right! I'll probably be about then. Hallo, Penberthy! You're just the man I want to see. Had your morning's inspiration? Or come in to look for it?"

"Oh, right! I should be around then. Hi, Penberthy! You're just the person I want to see. Did you get your morning inspiration? Or did you come in to look for it?"

"Just tracking it to its lair. Have it with me."

"Just following it to its hideout. I've got it with me."

"Right you are, old chap—half a mo' while I deposit my outer husk. I'll follow you."

"You're right, my friend—just a moment while I take off my outer layer. I'll catch up with you."

He glanced irresolutely at the hall-porter's desk, but seeing the man already engaged with two or three inquiries, plunged abruptly into the cloak-room, where the attendant, a bright cockney with a Sam Weller face and an artificial leg, was ready enough to talk about General Fentiman.

He hesitated as he looked at the hall-porter's desk, but noticing the man was busy with two or three questions, he quickly went into the cloakroom, where the attendant, a cheerful Londoner with a Sam Weller look and a prosthetic leg, was more than willing to chat about General Fentiman.

"Well, now, my lord, that's funny you should ask me that," he said, when Wimsey had dexterously worked in an inquiry as to the time of the General's arrival at the Bellona. "Dr. Penberthy was askin' the same question. It's a fair puzzle, that is. I could count on the fingers of one 'and the mornings I've missed seein' the General come in. Wonderful regular, the General was, and him being such a very old gentleman, I'd make a point of being 'andy, to 'elp him off with his overcoat and such. But there! He must a' come in a bit late, that morning, for I never see him, and I thought at lunch-time, 'The General must be ill,' I thinks. And I goes round, and there I see his coat and 'at 'ung up on his usual peg. So I must 'a missed him. There was a lot of gentlemen in and out that morning, my lord, bein' Armistice Day. A number of members come up from the country and wanting their 'ats and boots attended to, my lord, so that's how I come not to notice, I suppose."

"Well, my lord, that’s funny you mention that,” he said when Wimsey skillfully slipped in a question about the time of the General’s arrival at the Bellona. “Dr. Penberthy was asking the same thing. It’s quite the puzzle. I can count on one hand the mornings I’ve missed seeing the General come in. The General was wonderfully regular, and since he’s quite an old gentleman, I always made it a point to be there to help him with his overcoat and such. But there you go! He must have come in a bit late that morning because I didn’t see him, and at lunchtime, I thought, ‘The General must be ill.’ So I went around, and there I saw his coat and hat hanging up on his usual peg. So I must have missed him. There were a lot of gentlemen coming in and out that morning, my lord, since it was Armistice Day. A number of members came up from the country needing their hats and boots taken care of, my lord, so that’s probably why I didn’t notice."

"Possibly. Well, he was in before lunch, at any rate."

"Maybe. Anyway, he was in before lunch."

"Oh, yes, my lord. 'Alf-past twelve I goes off, and his hat and coat were on the peg then, because I see 'em."

"Oh, yes, my lord. At half past twelve, I left, and his hat and coat were on the peg then, because I saw them."

"That gives us a terminus ad quem at any rate," said Wimsey, half to himself.

"That gives us a deadline, at least," Wimsey said, mostly to himself.

"I beg your lordship's pardon?"

"Excuse me, my lord?"

"I was saying, that shows he came in before half-past twelve—and later than ten o'clock, you think."

"I was saying that proves he arrived before 12:30—and later than 10:00, you think."

"Yes, my lord. I couldn't say to a fraction, but I'm sure if 'e'd arrived before a quarter-past ten I should have seen 'em. But after that, I recollect I was very busy, and he must 'a slipped in without me noticing him."

"Yes, my lord. I can't say for sure, but I'm certain if he had arrived before a quarter past ten, I would have seen him. But after that, I remember I was really busy, and he must have come in without me noticing."

"Ah, yes—poor old boy! Still, no doubt he'd have liked to pass out quietly like that. Not a bad way to go home, Williamson."

"Ah, yes—poor old guy! Still, I’m sure he would have wanted to fade away quietly like that. Not a bad way to head home, Williamson."

"Very good way, my lord. We've seen worse than that. And what's it all come to, after all? They're all sayin' as it's an unpleasant thing for the Club, but I say, where's the odds? There ain't many 'ouses what somebody ain't died in, some time or another. We don't think any the worse of the 'ouses, so why think the worse of the Club?"

"That's a fair point, my lord. We've dealt with worse. And really, what's the big deal? Everyone's saying it's bad for the Club, but I ask, what difference does it make? There aren’t many houses where someone hasn’t died at some point. We don't judge the houses for it, so why judge the Club?"

"You're a philosopher, Williamson." Wimsey climbed the short flight of marble steps and turned into the bar. "It's narrowin' down," he muttered to himself. "Between ten-fifteen and twelve-thirty. Looks as if it was goin' to be a close run for the Dormer stakes. But—dash it all! Let's hear what Penberthy has to say."

"You're a philosopher, Williamson." Wimsey walked up the short marble steps and entered the bar. "It's narrowing down," he murmured to himself. "Between ten-fifteen and twelve-thirty. Looks like it's going to be a close race for the Dormer stakes. But—damn it! Let's see what Penberthy has to say."

The doctor was already standing at the bar with a whisky-and-soda before him. Wimsey demanded a Worthington and dived into his subject without more ado.

The doctor was already at the bar with a whisky and soda in front of him. Wimsey ordered a Worthington and jumped straight into his topic without wasting any time.

"Look here," he said, "I just wanted a word with you about old Fentiman. Frightfully confidential, and all that. But it seems the exact time of the poor old blighter's departure has become an important item. Question of succession. Get me? They don't want a row made. Asked me, as friend of the family and all that, don't y' know, to barge round and ask questions. Obviously, you're the first man to come to. What's your opinion? Medical opinion, apart from anything else?"

"Look," he said, "I just wanted to have a quick word with you about old Fentiman. It's super confidential, you know? But it seems the exact time of the poor guy's passing has become a big deal. It's a question of succession. Do you get what I mean? They want to avoid any drama. They asked me, as a friend of the family and all that, to come around and ask some questions. Obviously, you're the first person I thought of. What do you think? Medical opinion, aside from everything else?"

Penberthy raised his eyebrows.

Penberthy raised his brows.

"Oh? there's a question, is there? Thought there might be. That lawyer-fellow, what's-his-name, was here the other day, trying to pin me down. Seemed to think one can say to a minute when a man died by looking at his back teeth. I told him it wasn't possible. Once give these birds an opinion, and the next thing is, you find yourself in a witness-box, swearing to it."

"Oh? There's a question, is there? I thought there might be. That lawyer guy, what's-his-name, was here the other day, trying to get me to spill the details. He seemed to think you could figure out exactly when a guy died by checking his back teeth. I told him that wasn't possible. Once you give these folks an opinion, the next thing you know, you're in a witness stand, swearing to it."

"I know. But one gets a general idea."

"I get it. But you can still get a general idea."

"Oh, yes. Only you have to check up your ideas by other things—facts, and so on. You can't just theorize."

"Oh, yes. But you need to back up your ideas with other things—facts, and so on. You can't just theorize."

"Very dangerous things, theories. F'r instance—take this case—I've seen one or two stiff 'uns in my short life, and, if I'd started theorizin' about this business, just from the look of the body, d'you know what I'd have said?"

"Very dangerous things, theories. For example—take this case—I’ve seen a couple of dead people in my short life, and if I had started coming up with theories about this situation just from looking at the body, do you know what I would have said?"

"God knows what a layman would say about a medical question," retorted the doctor, with a sour little grin.

"God knows what an average person would say about a medical question," the doctor shot back, with a bitter little grin.

"Hear, hear!—Well, I should have said he'd been dead a long time."

"Hear, hear!—Well, I should have said he’s been dead for a long time."

"That's pretty vague."

"That's quite vague."

"You said yourself that rigor was well advanced. Give it, say, six hours to set in and—when did it pass off?"

"You said yourself that rigor was pretty advanced. Give it, let’s say, six hours to set in and—when did it wear off?"

"It was passing off then—I remarked upon it at the time."

"It was happening then—I noted it at the time."

"So you did. I thought rigor usually lasted twenty-four hours or so."

"So you did. I thought rigor typically lasted about twenty-four hours."

"It does, sometimes. Sometimes it goes off quickly. Quick come, quick go, as a rule. Still, I agree with you, that in the absence of other evidence, I should have put the death rather earlier than ten o'clock."

"It does, sometimes. Sometimes it happens quickly. Quick come, quick go, as a rule. Still, I agree with you that without any other evidence, I should have estimated the death to be earlier than ten o'clock."

"You admit that?"

"You really admit that?"

"I do. But we know he came in not earlier than a quarter-past ten."

"I do. But we know he arrived no earlier than 10:15."

"You've seen Williamson, then?"

"Have you seen Williamson?"

"Oh, yes. I thought it better to check up on the thing as far as possible. So I can only suppose that, what with the death being sudden, and what with the warmth of the room—he was very close to the fire, you know—the whole thing came on and worked itself off very quickly."

"Oh, definitely. I thought it was best to look into it as much as I could. So I can only guess that, since the death was sudden, and considering how warm the room was—he was really close to the fire, you know—the whole situation unfolded and resolved itself pretty quickly."

"H'm! Of course, you knew the old boy's constitution very well."

"Hmm! Of course, you knew the old man's health very well."

"Oh, rather. He was very frail. Heart gets a bit worn-out when you're over the four-score and ten, you know. I should never have been surprised at his dropping down anywhere. And then, he'd had a bit of a shock, you see."

"Oh, definitely. He was very weak. The heart tends to wear out a bit when you’re over seventy, you know. I should never have been surprised if he collapsed at any moment. And then, he had experienced a bit of a shock, you see."

"What was that?"

"What was that?"

"Seeing his sister the afternoon before. They told you about that, I imagine, since you seem to know all about the business. He came along to Harley Street afterwards and saw me. I told him to go to bed and keep quiet. Arteries very strained, and pulse erratic. He was excited—naturally. He ought to have taken a complete rest. As I see it, he must have insisted on getting up, in spite of feeling groggy, walked here—he would do it—and collapsed straight away."

"Seeing his sister the afternoon before. They must have mentioned it to you, since you seem to know everything going on. He came over to Harley Street afterward and met with me. I told him to go to bed and stay quiet. His arteries were very strained, and his pulse was erratic. He was excited—understandably. He should have taken a complete rest. From my perspective, he must have insisted on getting up, despite feeling groggy, walked here—he would do that—and collapsed right away."

"That's all right, Penberthy, but when—just when—did it happen?"

"That's fine, Penberthy, but when—exactly when—did it happen?"

"Lord knows. I don't. Have another?"

"God knows. I don't. Want another?"

"No, thanks; not for the moment. I say, I suppose you are perfectly satisfied about it all?"

"No, thanks; not right now. I mean, I guess you’re completely okay with everything?"

"Satisfied?" The doctor stared at him. "Yes, of course. If you mean, satisfied as to what he died of—of course I'm satisfied. I shouldn't have given a certificate if I hadn't been satisfied."

"Satisfied?" The doctor looked at him intently. "Yes, of course. If you're asking if I'm sure about the cause of death—then yes, I'm satisfied. I wouldn't have issued a certificate if I wasn't confident."

"Nothing about the body struck you as queer?"

"Did nothing about the body seem strange to you?"

"What sort of thing?"

"What kind of thing?"

"You know what I mean as well as I do," said Wimsey, suddenly turning and looking the other straight in the face. The change in him was almost startling—it was as if a steel blade had whipped suddenly out of its velvet scabbard. Penberthy met his eye, and nodded slowly.

"You know exactly what I mean," said Wimsey, suddenly turning to look the other person straight in the face. The change in him was almost shocking—it was like a steel blade suddenly being pulled out of a velvet sheath. Penberthy met his gaze and nodded slowly.

"Yes, I do know what you mean. But not here. We'd better go up to the Library. There won't be anybody there."

"Yeah, I get what you mean. But not here. We should head up to the Library. It’ll be empty there."


CHAPTER V

And Finds The Club Suit Blocked

And Finds The Club Suit Blocked

There never was anybody in the library at the Bellona. It was a large, quiet, pleasant room, with the bookshelves arranged in bays; each of which contained a writing-table and three or four chairs. Occasionally some one would wander in to consult the Times Atlas, or a work on Strategy and Tactics, or to hunt up an ancient Army list, but for the most part it was deserted. Sitting in the farthest bay, immured by books and silence, confidential conversation could be carried on with all the privacy of the confessional.

There was never anyone in the library at the Bellona. It was a spacious, quiet, and nice room, with bookshelves set up in alcoves; each one had a writing table and three or four chairs. Sometimes someone would come in to check the Times Atlas, look at a book on Strategy and Tactics, or search for an old Army list, but for the most part, it was empty. Sitting in the furthest alcove, surrounded by books and silence, you could have private conversations with all the secrecy of a confessional.

"Well, now," said Wimsey, "what about it?"

"Well, then," said Wimsey, "what's the deal?"

"About—?" prompted the doctor, with professional caution.

"About—?" asked the doctor, with professional caution.

"About that leg?"

"What's up with that leg?"

"I wonder if anybody else noticed that?" said Penberthy.

"I wonder if anyone else noticed that?" Penberthy said.

"I doubt it. I did, of course. But then, I make that kind of thing my hobby. Not a popular one, perhaps—an ill-favored thing, but mine own. In fact, I've got rather a turn for corpses. But not knowin' quite what it meant, and seein' you didn't seem to want to call attention to it, I didn't put myself forward."

"I doubt it. I definitely did. But, you know, I consider that kind of stuff my hobby. Not a popular one, maybe—kind of an unpleasant hobby, but it's mine. Actually, I'm kind of into corpses. But not really knowing what it meant, and seeing that you didn't seem to want to draw attention to it, I didn’t step forward."

"No—I wanted to think it over. You see, it suggested, at the first blush, something rather——"

"No—I wanted to take some time to think about it. You see, it hinted, at first glance, something rather——"

"Unpleasant," said Wimsey. "If you knew how often I'd heard that word in the last two days! Well, let's face it. Let's admit, straight away, that, once rigor sets in, it stays in till it starts to pass off, and that, when it does start to go it usually begins with the face and jaw, and not suddenly in one knee-joint. Now Fentiman's jaw and neck were as rigid as wood—I felt 'em. But the left leg swung loose from the knee. Now how do you explain that?"

"Unpleasant," Wimsey said. "If you only knew how many times I've heard that word in the past two days! Well, let’s just be honest. Let’s acknowledge right away that once rigor sets in, it stays until it starts to pass, and when it finally does, it usually begins with the face and jaw, not suddenly in one knee joint. Fentiman's jaw and neck were as stiff as wood—I felt them. But his left leg swung loosely from the knee. So how do you explain that?"

"It is extremely puzzling. As no doubt you are aware, the obvious explanation would be that the joint had been forcibly loosened by somebody or something, after rigor had set in. In that case of course, it wouldn't stiffen up again. It would remain loose until the whole body relaxed. But how it happened——"

"It’s really confusing. As you probably know, the clear explanation would be that someone or something forcibly loosened the joint after rigor mortis set in. In that case, it wouldn’t stiffen up again. It would stay loose until the whole body relaxed. But how it happened——"

"That's just it. Dead people don't go about jamming their legs into things and forcing their own joints. And surely, if anybody had found the body like that he would have mentioned it. I mean, can you imagine one of the waiter-johnnies, for instance, finding an old gentleman stiff as a poker in the best arm-chair and then just givin' him a dose of knee-jerks and leavin' him there?"

"That's the point. Dead people don't shove their legs into things and force their joints. And if someone had found the body like that, they would have mentioned it. I mean, can you picture one of the waiters, for example, discovering an old man stiff as a board in the best armchair and then just giving him a few knee jerks and leaving him there?"

"The only thing I could think of," said Penberthy, "was that a waiter or somebody had found him, and tried to move him—and then got frightened and barged off without saying anything. It sounds absurd. But people do do odd things, especially if they're scared."

"The only thing I could think of," said Penberthy, "was that a waiter or someone found him, tried to move him, and then got scared and rushed off without saying anything. It sounds silly. But people do strange things, especially when they're scared."

"But what was there to be scared of?"

"But what was there to be afraid of?"

"It might seem alarming to a man in a very nervous state. We have one or two shell-shock cases here that I wouldn't answer for in an emergency. It would be worth considering, perhaps, if any one had shown special signs of agitation or shock that day."

"It might seem alarming to someone who is really on edge. We have one or two cases of shell shock here that I wouldn't want to deal with in an emergency. It might be worth thinking about, perhaps, if anyone had shown particular signs of agitation or shock that day."

"That's an idea," said Wimsey, slowly. "Suppose—suppose, for instance, there was somebody connected in some way with the General, who was in an unnerved state of mind—and suppose he came suddenly on this stiff corpse. You think he might—possibly—lose his head?"

"That's an interesting idea," Wimsey said slowly. "What if—what if, for example, there was someone linked to the General, who was feeling really anxious—and then he stumbled upon this rigid corpse? Do you think he might—possibly—panic?"

"It's certainly possible. I can imagine that he might behave hysterically, or even violently, and force the knee-joint back with some unbalanced idea of straightening the body out and making it look more seemly. And then, you know he might just run away from the thing and pretend it hadn't happened. Mind you, I'm not saying it was so, but I can easily see it happening. And that being so, I thought it better to say nothing about it. It would be a very unpl——distressing thing to bring to people's notice. And it might do untold harm to the nervous case to question him about it. I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. There was nothing wrong about the death, that's definite. As for the rest—our duty is to the living; we can't help the dead."

"It's definitely possible. I can picture him acting hysterically or even violently, trying to force the knee back into place with some misguided notion of making his body look more proper. And then, you know, he might just run away from it and act like it never happened. I'm not saying it actually happened that way, but I can easily see it occurring. Because of that, I thought it was better to stay silent about it. It would be a very unpl——distressing thing to bring up to people. Plus, it could really harm the nervous individual if we questioned him about it. I'd prefer to let sleeping dogs lie. There was nothing wrong with the death, that's for sure. As for everything else—our responsibility is to the living; we can't do anything for the dead."

"Quite. Tell you what, though, I'll have a shot at finding out whether—we may as well say what we mean—whether George Fentiman was alone in the smoking-room at any time during the day. One of the servants may have noticed. It seems the only possible explanation. Well, thanks very much for your help. Oh, by the way, you said at the time that the rigor was passing off when we found the body—was that just camouflage, or does it still hold good?"

"Absolutely. Let me try to find out if—let's be clear—if George Fentiman was alone in the smoking room at any point during the day. One of the staff might have seen something. It seems like the only plausible explanation. Thanks a lot for your help. Oh, by the way, you mentioned earlier that the rigor mortis was fading when we discovered the body—was that just a cover-up, or is it still accurate?"

"It was just beginning to pass off in the face and jaw as a matter of fact. It had passed away completely by midnight."

"It was just starting to fade from the face and jaw, to be honest. It had completely disappeared by midnight."

"Thanks. That's another fact, then. I like facts, and there are annoyin'ly few of them in this case. Won't you have another whisky?"

"Thanks. That's one more fact, then. I like facts, and there are frustratingly few of them in this situation. Would you like another whiskey?"

"No thanks. Due at my surgery. See you another time. Cheerio!"

"No thanks. I have to get to my surgery. I'll see you another time. Bye!"

Wimsey remained for a few moments after he had gone, smoking meditatively. Then he turned his chair to the table, took a sheet of paper from the rack and began to jot down a few notes of the case with his fountain-pen. He had not got far, however, before one of the Club servants entered, peering into all the bays in turn, looking for somebody.

Wimsey stayed for a few moments after he left, smoking thoughtfully. Then he turned his chair to the table, took a piece of paper from the rack, and started jotting down some notes about the case with his fountain pen. He hadn't gotten very far, though, before one of the Club staff walked in, checking each area in turn, searching for someone.

"Want me, Fred?"

"Do you want me, Fred?"

"Your lordship's man is here, my lord, and says you may wish to be advised of his arrival."

"Your lord's man is here, my lord, and says you might want to know he has arrived."

"Quite right. I'm just coming." Wimsey took up the blotting-pad to blot his notes. Then his face changed. The corner of a sheet of paper protruded slightly. On the principle that nothing is too small to be looked at, Wimsey poked an inquisitive finger between the leaves, and extracted the paper. It bore a few scrawls relating to sums of money, very carelessly and shakily written. Wimsey looked at it attentively for a moment or two, and shook the blotter to see if it held anything further. Then he folded the sheet, handling it with extreme care by the corners, put it in an envelope and filed it away in his note-case. Coming out of the library, he found Bunter waiting in the hall, camera and tripod in hand.

"Absolutely. I'm on my way." Wimsey picked up the blotting pad to dry his notes. Then his expression changed. A corner of a sheet of paper was slightly sticking out. Believing that nothing is too small to check out, Wimsey poked a curious finger between the pages and pulled out the paper. It had some scribbles about amounts of money, written very sloppily and unsteadily. Wimsey studied it for a moment and shook the blotter to see if it held anything else. Then he carefully folded the sheet by the corners, placed it in an envelope, and stored it in his note case. As he left the library, he found Bunter waiting in the hall, holding a camera and tripod.

"Ah, here you are, Bunter. Just a minute, while I see the Secretary." He looked in at the office, and found Culyer immersed in some accounts.

"Hey, Bunter. Just a sec while I talk to the Secretary." He peeked into the office and saw Culyer lost in some accounts.

"Oh, I say, Culyer—'mornin' and all that—yes, disgustingly healthy, thanks, always am—I say, you recollect old Fentiman poppin' off in that inconsiderate way a little time ago?"

"Oh, hey, Culyer—good morning and all that—yeah, disgustingly healthy, thanks, always am—I mean, do you remember old Fentiman passing away in that thoughtless way a little while back?"

"I'm not likely to forget it," said Culyer, with a wry face. "I've had three notes of complaint from Wetheridge—one, because the servants didn't notice the matter earlier, set of inattentive rascals and all that; two, because the undertaker's men had to take the coffin past his door and disturbed him; three, because somebody's lawyer came along and asked him questions—together with distant allusions to the telephones being out of order and a shortage of soap in the bathroom. Who'd be a secretary?"

"I'm definitely not going to forget this," Culyer said, making a wry face. "I've received three complaints from Wetheridge—first, because the staff didn't notice the issue sooner; a bunch of inattentive fools and all that. Second, because the undertaker's crew had to carry the coffin past his door and it upset him. And third, because someone’s lawyer showed up and started asking him questions—plus some vague references about the phones being out of order and a lack of soap in the bathroom. Who would want to be a secretary?"

"Awfully sorry for you," said Wimsey with a grin. "I'm not here to make trouble. Au contraire, as the man said in the Bay of Biscay when they asked if he'd dined. Fact is, there's a bit of a muddle about the exact minute when the old boy passed out—mind you, this is in strict confidence—and I'm havin' a look into it. Don't want a fuss made, but I'd like a few photographs of the place, just to look at in absence and keep the lie of the land under my hawk-like optic, what? I've got my man here with a camera. D'you mind pretendin' he's the bloke from 'The Twaddler' or the 'Picture News,' or something, and givin' him your official blessin' while he totters round with the doings?"

"Really sorry about this," Wimsey said with a grin. "I'm not here to cause any trouble. On the contrary, as someone said in the Bay of Biscay when they asked if he’d eaten. The truth is, there’s a bit of confusion about the exact time when the old guy passed out—just so you know, this is strictly confidential—and I'm looking into it. I don’t want to create a scene, but I’d like a few photos of the place to have a look at later and keep a clear view of the situation, you know? I've got my guy here with a camera. Would you mind acting like he’s the guy from 'The Twaddler' or 'Picture News' or something, and giving him your official approval while he moves around taking pictures?"

"Mysterious idiot—of course, if you like. Though how photographs of the place to-day are going to give you a line on the time of a death which happened ten days ago, I don't pretend to understand. But, I say—it's all fair and aboveboard? We don't want any——"

"Mysterious idiot—sure, if that works for you. But I don't see how photos of the place today are going to help you understand the time of a death that happened ten days ago. But, I mean—everything's above board, right? We don't want any——"

"Of course not. That's the idea. Strictest confidence—any sum up to £50,000 on your note of hand alone, delivered in plain vans, no reference needed. Trust little Peter."

"Of course not. That's the idea. Complete confidentiality—any amount up to £50,000 based solely on your promise, delivered in plain vans, no references required. Trust little Peter."

"Oh, right-ho! What d'you want done?"

"Oh, right! What do you need done?"

"I don't want to go round with Bunter. Give the show away. May he be called in here?"

"I don't want to deal with Bunter. Just end the show. Can he be called in here?"

"Certainly."

"Sure thing."

A servant was sent to fetch Bunter, who came in looking imperturbably prim and point-device. Wimsey looked him over and shook his head.

A servant was sent to get Bunter, who arrived looking perfectly composed and impeccably dressed. Wimsey assessed him and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Bunter, but you don't look in the least like the professional photographer from 'The Twaddler.' That dark-gray suit is all right, but you haven't got quite the air of devil-may-care seediness that marks the giants of Fleet Street. D'you mind stickin' all those dark-slides into one pocket and a few odd lenses and doodahs into the other, and rufflin' your manly locks a trifle? That's better. Why have you no pyro stains on the right thumb and forefinger?"

"I'm sorry, Bunter, but you really don't look anything like the professional photographer from 'The Twaddler.' That dark gray suit is fine, but you don’t quite have the carefree, slightly shabby vibe that’s typical of the top photographers from Fleet Street. Could you please shove all those dark slides into one pocket and a few random lenses and gadgets into the other, and mess up your hair a bit? That’s better. Why aren’t there any pyro stains on your right thumb and forefinger?"

"I attribute it, my lord, principally to the circumstance that I prefer metol-quinol for the purpose of development."

"I think, my lord, it's mainly because I prefer metol-quinol for development."

"Well, you can't expect an outsider to grasp a thing like that. Wait a minute. Culyer, you seem to have a fairly juicy pipe there. Give us a cleaner."

"Well, you can't expect someone from the outside to understand something like that. Hold on a second. Culyer, you appear to have a pretty nice pipe there. Pass us a cleaner."

Wimsey thrust the instrument energetically through the stem of the pipe, bringing out a revolting collection of brown, oily matter.

Wimsey forcefully pushed the tool through the stem of the pipe, extracting a disgusting mix of brown, oily substance.

"Nicotine poisoning, Culyer—that's what you'll die of if you aren't jolly careful. Here you are, Bunter. Judiciously smeared upon the finger tips, that should give quite the right effect. Now, look here, Mr. Culyer here will take you round. I want a shot of the smoking-room from the entrance, a close up of the fireplace, showing General Fentiman's usual chair, and another shot from the door of the ante-room that leads into the library. Another shot through the ante-room into the library, and some careful studies of the far bay of the library from all points of view. After that, I want two or three views of the hall, and a shot of the cloak-room; get the attendant there to show you which was General Fentiman's customary peg, and take care that that gets into the picture. That's all for the moment, but you can take anything else that seems necessary for purposes of camouflage. And I want all the detail you can possibly get in, so stop down to whatever it is and take as long as you like. You'll find me knocking about somewhere when you've finished, and you'd better get some more plates in, because we're going on to another place."

"Nicotine poisoning, Culyer—that's what you'll end up with if you aren't really careful. Here you go, Bunter. If you apply it carefully to your fingertips, that should create just the right effect. Now, listen up; Mr. Culyer will show you around. I need a shot of the smoking room from the entrance, a close-up of the fireplace showing General Fentiman's usual chair, and another shot from the door of the ante-room that leads into the library. Also, get a shot through the ante-room into the library and some detailed views of the far bay of the library from all angles. After that, I want two or three shots of the hall and a picture of the cloakroom; get the attendant there to point out General Fentiman's usual peg, and make sure that makes it into the photo. That's all for now, but feel free to take anything else that seems necessary for camouflage. And I need all the detail you can capture, so adjust to whatever settings you need and take your time. You’ll find me around somewhere when you’re done, and you’d better bring some more film, because we’re heading to another location."

"Very good, my lord."

"Very good, my lord."

"Oh, and, Culyer, by the way. Dr. Penberthy sent a female in to lay the General out, didn't he? D'you happen to remember when she arrived?"

"Oh, and, Culyer, by the way. Dr. Penberthy sent a woman in to prepare the General, right? Do you remember when she got here?"

"About nine o'clock the next morning, I think."

"About nine o'clock the next morning, I think."

"Have you got her name, by any chance?"

"Do you happen to have her name?"

"I don't think so. But I know she came from Merritt's, the undertakers—round Shepherd's Market way. They'd probably put you on to her."

"I don't think so. But I know she came from Merritt's, the funeral home—around Shepherd's Market area. They'd probably be able to help you find her."

"Thanks frightfully, Culyer. I'll make myself scarce now. Carry on, Bunter."

"Thanks a lot, Culyer. I'll get going now. Keep it up, Bunter."

Wimsey thought for a moment; then strolled across to the smoking-room, exchanged a mute greeting with one or two of the assembled veterans, picked up the "Morning Post," and looked round for a seat. The great arm-chair with ears still stood before the fire, but some dim feeling of respect for the dead had left it vacant. Wimsey sauntered over to it, and dropped lazily into its well-sprung depths. A veteran close at hand looked angrily at him and rustled the "Times" loudly. Wimsey ignored these signals, barricading himself behind his paper. The veteran sank back again, muttering something about "young men" and "no decency." Wimsey sat on unmoved, and paid no attention, even when a man from "The Twaddler" came in, escorted by the Secretary, to take photographs of the smoking-room. A few sensitives retired before this attack. Wetheridge waddled away with a grumbling protest into the library. It gave Wimsey considerable satisfaction to see the relentless camera pursue him into that stronghold.

Wimsey paused for a moment, then strolled over to the smoking room, exchanged a silent greeting with a couple of the older gentlemen present, picked up the "Morning Post," and looked for a place to sit. The big armchair with ears was still positioned in front of the fire, but some vague sense of respect for the deceased had left it empty. Wimsey casually approached it and sank lazily into its comfortable depths. A veteran nearby shot him an angry look and loudly rustled the "Times." Wimsey ignored the hint, shielding himself behind his newspaper. The veteran slumped back, muttering something about "young people" and "no decency." Wimsey remained unfazed, even when a guy from "The Twaddler" came in, accompanied by the Secretary, to take photos of the smoking room. A few sensitive types left in response to this intrusion. Wetheridge waddled away with a grumpy protest into the library. Wimsey found it quite satisfying to see the unyielding camera follow him into that refuge.

It was half-past twelve before a waiter approached Lord Peter to say that Mr. Culyer would be glad to speak to him for a moment. In the office, Bunter reported his job done, and was despatched to get some lunch and a fresh supply of plates. Wimsey presently went down to the dining-room, where he found Wetheridge already established, getting the first cut off the saddle of mutton, and grumbling at the wine. Wimsey went deliberately over, greeted him heartily, and sat down at the same table.

It was 12:30 when a waiter approached Lord Peter to say that Mr. Culyer would like to speak with him for a moment. In the office, Bunter reported that he was finished with his task and was sent to grab some lunch and a new supply of plates. Wimsey soon went down to the dining room, where he found Wetheridge already settled in, carving the first slice from the saddle of mutton and complaining about the wine. Wimsey walked over, greeted him warmly, and sat down at the same table.

Wetheridge said it was beastly weather. Wimsey agreed amiably. Wetheridge said it was scandalous, seeing what one paid for one's food in this place, that one couldn't get anything fit to eat. Wimsey, who was adored by chef and waiters alike for his appreciation of good food, and had been sent the choicest cut without having to ask for it, sympathized with this sentiment too. Wetheridge said he had been chased all over the Club that morning by an infernal photographer fellow, and that one got no peace these days with all this confounded publicity. Wimsey said it was all done for advertisement, and that advertisement was the curse of the age. Look at the papers—nothing but advertisements from cover to cover. Wetheridge said that in his time, by gad, a respectable Club would have scorned advertisements, and that he could remember the time when newspapers were run by gentlemen for gentlemen. Wimsey said that nothing was what it had been; he thought it must be due to the War.

Wetheridge said the weather was terrible. Wimsey agreed casually. Wetheridge complained that it was outrageous, considering how much one pays for food here, that there was nothing decent to eat. Wimsey, who was cherished by the chef and waitstaff for his love of good food and who had received the best cut without even asking, shared this sentiment. Wetheridge mentioned he had been chased around the Club that morning by some annoying photographer, and that one couldn’t find any peace these days with all this ridiculous publicity. Wimsey said it was all for advertising, and that advertising was the bane of the modern age. Just look at the newspapers—filled with ads from front to back. Wetheridge said that in his day, a respectable Club would have shunned advertising, and he could remember when newspapers were run by gentlemen for gentlemen. Wimsey remarked that nothing was what it used to be; he thought it was probably because of the War.

"Infernal slackness, that's what it is," said Wetheridge. "The service in this place is a disgrace. That fellow Culyer doesn't know his job. This week it's the soap. Would you believe it, there was none—actually none—in the bathroom yesterday. Had to ring for it. Made me late for dinner. Last week it was the telephone. Wanted to get through to a man down in Norfolk. Brother was a friend of mine—killed on the last day of the War, half an hour before the guns stopped firing—damnable shame—always ring up on Armistice Day, say a few words, don't you know—hr'rm!"

"Infernal laziness, that’s what it is," said Wetheridge. "The service in this place is a joke. That guy Culyer doesn’t know what he’s doing. This week it’s the soap. Can you believe it, there was none—actually none—in the bathroom yesterday. I had to call for it. Made me late for dinner. Last week it was the phone. I wanted to get through to a guy down in Norfolk. His brother was a friend of mine—killed on the last day of the War, half an hour before the guns stopped firing—what a shame—always call on Armistice Day, say a few words, don’t you know—hr'rm!"

Wetheridge, having unexpectedly displayed this softer side of his character, relapsed into a snorting silence.

Wetheridge, having unexpectedly shown this softer side of his personality, fell back into a snorting silence.

"Couldn't you get through, sir?" inquired Wimsey, with feeling. Anything that had happened at the Bellona Club on Armistice Day was of interest to him.

"Couldn't you get through, sir?" asked Wimsey, genuinely concerned. Anything that had happened at the Bellona Club on Armistice Day was of interest to him.

"I got through all right," said Wetheridge, morosely. "But, confound it all, I had to go down to the cloak-room to get a call from one of the boxes there. Didn't want to hang about the entrance. Too many imbeciles coming in and out. Exchanging silly anecdotes. Why a solemn national occasion should be an excuse for all these fools meeting and talking rot, I don't know."

"I managed to get through just fine," Wetheridge said gloomily. "But, damn it, I had to go down to the cloakroom to pick up a message from one of the boxes. I didn’t want to linger at the entrance. Too many idiots coming in and out, swapping ridiculous stories. I don’t understand why a serious national event should be an excuse for all these fools to gather and chat nonsense."

"Beastly annoyin'. But why didn't you tell 'em to put the call through to the box by the library?"

"Really annoying. But why didn't you tell them to transfer the call to the box by the library?"

"Aren't I telling you? The damned thing was out of order. Damned great notice stuck across it as cool as you please—'Instrument out of order.' Just like that. No apology. Nothing. Sickening, I call it. I told the fellow at the switch-board it was a disgrace. And all he said was, he hadn't put the notice up, but he'd draw attention to the matter."

"Aren't I telling you? The thing was broken. There was a huge notice stuck on it saying 'Instrument out of order.' Just like that. No apology. Nothing. It's disgusting, I think. I told the guy at the switchboard it was a disgrace. All he said was that he hadn't put the notice up, but he would look into it."

"It was all right in the evening," said Wimsey, "because I saw Colonel Marchbanks using it."

"It was fine in the evening," said Wimsey, "because I saw Colonel Marchbanks using it."

"I know it was. And then, dashed if we didn't get the fool thing ringing, ringing at intervals all the next morning. Infuriating noise. When I told Fred to stop it, he just said it was the Telephone Company testing the line. They've no business to make a row like that. Why can't they test it quietly, that's what I want to know?"

"I know it was. And then, if we didn't get that stupid thing ringing, ringing at intervals all the next morning. Infuriating noise. When I told Fred to stop it, he just said it was the Telephone Company testing the line. They have no right to make such a racket. Why can't they test it quietly? That's what I want to know?"

Wimsey said telephones were an invention of the devil. Wetheridge grumbled his way through to the end of lunch, and departed. Wimsey returned to the entrance-hall, where he found the assistant commissionaire on duty, and introduced himself.

Wimsey said that telephones were a devilish invention. Wetheridge grumbled his way through to the end of lunch and left. Wimsey went back to the entrance hall, where he found the assistant commissionaire on duty and introduced himself.

Weston, however, was of no assistance. He had not noticed General Fentiman's arrival on the eleventh. He was not acquainted with many of the members, having only just taken over his new duties. He thought it odd that he should not have noticed so very venerable a gentleman, but the fact remained that he had not. He regretted it extremely. Wimsey gathered that Weston was annoyed at having lost a chance of reflected celebrity. He had missed his scoop, as the reporters say.

Weston, however, was no help at all. He hadn’t noticed General Fentiman's arrival on the eleventh. He didn’t know many of the members, having just started his new duties. He found it strange that he hadn’t noticed such an esteemed gentleman, but the truth was that he hadn’t. He regretted it a lot. Wimsey understood that Weston was frustrated about missing out on a moment of shared fame. He had missed his big story, as reporters would say.

Nor was the hall-porter any more helpful. The morning of November 11th had been a busy one. He had been in and out of his little glass pigeonhole continually, shepherding guests into various rooms to find the members they wanted, distributing letters and chatting to country members who visited the Bellona seldom and liked to "have a chat with Piper" when they did. He could not recollect seeing the General. Wimsey began to feel that there must have been a conspiracy to overlook the old gentleman on the last morning of his life.

The hall porter wasn't much help either. November 11th had been a busy morning for him. He had been constantly popping in and out of his little glass booth, directing guests to different rooms to find the people they were looking for, handing out letters, and chatting with the country members who rarely visited the Bellona but liked to "have a chat with Piper" when they did. He couldn’t remember seeing the General. Wimsey started to feel like there was a conspiracy to ignore the old gentleman on the last morning of his life.

"You don't think he never was here at all, do you, Bunter?" he suggested. "Walkin' about invisible and tryin' hard to communicate, like the unfortunate ghost in that story of somebody or other's?"

"You don't actually think he was never here at all, do you, Bunter?" he proposed. "Moving around invisibly and trying really hard to communicate, like the poor ghost in that story about someone or other?"

Bunter was inclined to reject the psychic view of the case. "The General must have been here in the body, my lord, because there was the body."

Bunter was likely to dismiss the psychic perspective on the matter. "The General must have been here in person, my lord, because there was the body."

"That's true," said Wimsey. "I'm afraid we can't explain away the body. S'pose that means I'll have to question every member of this beastly Club separately. But just at the moment I think we'd better go round to the General's flat and hunt up Robert Fentiman. Weston, get me a taxi, please."

"That's true," said Wimsey. "I'm afraid we can't ignore the body. I guess that means I'll have to question each member of this awful Club individually. But right now, I think we should head over to the General's apartment and look for Robert Fentiman. Weston, please get me a taxi."


CHAPTER VI

A Card of Re-Entry

A Re-Entry Card

The door of the little flat in Dover Street was opened by an elderly man-servant, whose anxious face bore signs of his grief at his master's death. He informed them that Major Fentiman was at home and would be happy to receive Lord Peter Wimsey. As he spoke, a tall, soldierly man of about forty-five came out from one of the rooms and hailed his visitor cheerily.

The door of the small apartment on Dover Street was opened by an elderly butler, whose worried expression showed he was upset about his employer's death. He let them know that Major Fentiman was at home and would be glad to see Lord Peter Wimsey. As he spoke, a tall, commanding man who looked to be around forty-five stepped out from one of the rooms and greeted his visitor warmly.

"That you, Wimsey? Murbles told me to expect you. Come in. Haven't seen you for a long time. Hear you're turning into a regular Sherlock. Smart bit of work that was you put in over your brother's little trouble. What's all this? Camera? Bless me, you're going to do our little job in the professional manner, eh? Woodward, see that Lord Peter's man has everything he wants. Have you had lunch? Well, you'll have a spot of something, I take it, before you start measuring up the footprints. Come along. We're a bit at sixes and sevens here, but you won't mind."

"Is that you, Wimsey? Murbles said you’d be coming. Come in. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. I hear you’re becoming quite the detective. That was a smart move you made regarding your brother’s little issue. What’s all this? A camera? Wow, you’re going to tackle our little job like a pro, huh? Woodward, make sure Lord Peter’s assistant has everything he needs. Have you had lunch? Well, I assume you’ll grab a bite before you start measuring the footprints. Let’s go. Things are a bit chaotic here, but I’m sure you won’t mind."

He led the way into the small, austerely-furnished sitting-room.

He walked ahead into the small, simply furnished living room.

"Thought I might as well camp here for a bit, while I get the old man's belongings settled up. It's going to be a deuce of a job, though, with all this fuss about the will. However, I'm his executor, so all this part of it falls to me in any case. It's very decent of you to lend us a hand. Queer old girl, Great-aunt Dormer. Meant well, you know, but made it damned awkward for everybody. How are you getting along?"

" I guess I'll camp out here for a while while I sort out the old man's things. It's going to be a real hassle with all the drama over the will. But since I'm the executor, it’s all my responsibility anyway. I really appreciate you helping us out. Strange old lady, Great-aunt Dormer. She meant well but made things really difficult for everyone. How are you doing?"

Wimsey explained the failure of his researches at the Bellona.

Wimsey explained why his research at the Bellona didn't work out.

"Thought I'd better get a line on it at this end," he added. "If we know exactly what time he left here in the morning, we ought to be able to get an idea of the time he got to the Club."

"Thought I should probably get some information on it from this end," he added. "If we know exactly what time he left here in the morning, we should be able to figure out when he arrived at the Club."

Fentiman screwed his mouth into a whistle.

Fentiman pursed his lips to whistle.

"But, my dear old egg, didn't Murbles tell you the snag?"

"But, my dear old friend, didn't Murbles mention the issue?"

"He told me nothing. Left me to get on with it. What is the snag?"

"He didn’t say anything to me. Just let me deal with it. What’s the problem?"

"Why, don't you see, the old boy never came home that night."

"Don't you get it? The old guy never came home that night."

"Never came home?—Where was he, then?"

"Never came home?—Where was he?"

"Dunno. That's the puzzle. All we know is ... wait a minute, this is Woodward's story; he'd better tell you himself. Woodward!"

"Dunno. That's the mystery. All we know is ... hold on, this is Woodward's story; he should tell you himself. Woodward!"

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"Tell Lord Peter Wimsey the story you told me—about that telephone-call, you know."

"Tell Lord Peter Wimsey the story you shared with me—about that phone call, you know."

"Yes, sir. About nine o'clock...."

"Yes, sir. Around nine o'clock..."

"Just a moment," said Wimsey, "I do like a story to begin at the beginning. Let's start with the morning—the mornin' of November 10th. Was the General all right that morning? Usual health and spirits and all that?"

"Hold on a second," said Wimsey, "I really prefer a story to start at the beginning. Let's kick things off with the morning—the morning of November 10th. Was the General doing okay that morning? In his usual health and good spirits and all that?"

"Entirely so, my lord. General Fentiman was accustomed to rise early, my lord, being a light sleeper, as was natural at his great age. He had his breakfast in bed at a quarter to eight—tea and buttered toast, with an egg lightly boiled, as he did every day in the year. Then he got up, and I helped him to dress—that would be about half-past eight to nine, my lord. Then he took a little rest, after the exertion of dressing, and at a quarter to ten I fetched his hat, overcoat, muffler and stick, and saw him start off to walk to the Club. That was his daily routine. He seemed in very good spirits—and in his usual health. Of course, his heart was always frail, my lord, but he seemed no different from ordinary."

"Absolutely, my lord. General Fentiman usually woke up early, my lord, being a light sleeper, which was expected at his advanced age. He had breakfast in bed at a quarter to eight—tea and buttered toast, with a lightly boiled egg, just like every day of the year. After that, he got up, and I helped him get dressed—that would be around half-past eight to nine, my lord. Then he took a short break after the effort of dressing, and at a quarter to ten, I brought him his hat, overcoat, scarf, and cane, and saw him head out for a walk to the Club. That was his daily routine. He seemed to be in great spirits—and in his usual health. Of course, his heart was always weak, my lord, but he seemed no different from usual."

"I see. And in the ordinary way he'd just sit at the Club all day and come home—when, exactly?"

"I get it. Usually, he'd just hang out at the Club all day and come home—when, exactly?"

"I was accustomed to have his evening meal ready for him at half-past seven precisely, my lord."

"I was used to having his dinner ready for him at exactly 7:30 PM, my lord."

"Did he always turn up to time?'

"Did he always show up on time?"

"Invariably so, my lord. Everything as regular as on parade. That was the General's way. About three o'clock in the afternoon, there was a ring on the telephone. We had the telephone put in, my lord, on account of the General's heart, so that we could always call up a medical man in case of emergency."

"Invariably so, my lord. Everything was as orderly as a parade. That was the General's style. Around three o'clock in the afternoon, the phone rang. We installed the phone, my lord, because of the General's heart, so we could always reach a doctor in case of an emergency."

"Very right, too," put in Robert Fentiman.

"That's absolutely right," Robert Fentiman added.

"Yes, sir. General Fentiman was good enough to say, sir, he did not wish me to have the heavy responsibility of looking after him alone in case of illness. He was a very kind, thoughtful gentleman." The man's voice faltered.

"Yes, sir. General Fentiman was kind enough to say that he didn’t want me to have the heavy responsibility of taking care of him alone in case he got sick. He was a very kind, considerate gentleman." The man's voice faltered.

"Just so," said Wimsey. "I'm sure you must be very sorry to lose him, Woodward. Still, one couldn't expect otherwise, you know. I'm sure you looked after him splendidly. What was it happened about three o'clock?"

"Exactly," said Wimsey. "I'm sure you're really sorry to lose him, Woodward. But, honestly, you couldn't expect anything different, you know. I'm sure you took great care of him. What happened around three o'clock?"

"Why, my lord, they rang up from Lady Dormer's to say as how her ladyship was very ill, and would General Fentiman please come at once if he wanted to see her alive. So I went down to the Club myself. I didn't like to telephone, you see, because General Fentiman was a little hard of hearing—though he had his faculties wonderful well for a gentleman of his age—and he never liked the telephone. Besides, I was afraid of the shock it might be to him, seeing his heart was so weak—which, of course, at his age you couldn't hardly expect otherwise—so that was why I went myself."

"Well, my lord, they called from Lady Dormer's to say that she was very ill and asked if General Fentiman could come right away if he wanted to see her alive. So I went down to the Club myself. I didn't want to call because General Fentiman was a bit hard of hearing—although he had his wits about him quite well for a man his age—and he never liked using the phone. Plus, I was worried about how it might shock him, considering his heart was so weak—which, of course, at his age, you couldn't really expect anything different—so that's why I went myself."

"That was very considerate of you."

"That was really thoughtful of you."

"Thank you, my lord. Well, I see General Fentiman, and I give him the message—careful-like, and breaking it gently as you might say. I could see he was took aback a bit, but he just sits thinking for a few minutes, and then he says, 'very well, Woodward, I will go. It is certainly my duty to go.' So I wraps him up careful, and gets him a taxi, and he says. 'You needn't come with me, Woodward. I don't quite know how long I shall stay there. They will see that I get home quite safely.' So I told the man where to take him and came back to the flat. And that, my lord, was the last time I see him."

"Thank you, my lord. Well, I saw General Fentiman, and I delivered the message—carefully, breaking it to him gently, as you might say. I could tell he was a bit taken aback, but he just sat there thinking for a few minutes, and then he said, 'Alright, Woodward, I’ll go. It’s definitely my duty to go.' So I helped him get ready, called a taxi, and he said, 'You don’t need to come with me, Woodward. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there. They’ll make sure I get home safely.' So I told the driver where to take him and went back to the flat. And that, my lord, was the last time I saw him."

Wimsey made a sympathetic clucking sound.

Wimsey made a soothing clucking sound.

"Yes, my lord. When General Fentiman didn't return at his usual time, I thought he was maybe staying to dine at Lady Dormer's, and took no notice of it. However, at half-past eight, I began to be afraid of the night air for him; it was very cold that day, my lord, if you remember. At nine o'clock, I was thinking of calling up the household at Lady Dormer's to ask when he was to be expected home, when the 'phone rang."

"Yes, my lord. When General Fentiman didn’t come back at his usual time, I figured he might be having dinner at Lady Dormer’s, so I didn’t think much of it. However, by eight-thirty, I started to worry about him being out in the cold night air; it was really chilly that day, if you recall. At nine o’clock, I was considering waking up the household at Lady Dormer’s to find out when he was expected back, when the phone rang."

"At nine exactly?"

"At nine, for sure?"

"About nine. It might have been a little later, but not more than a quarter-past at latest. It was a gentleman spoke to me. He said: 'Is that General Fentiman's flat?' I said, 'Yes, who is it, please?' And he said, 'Is that Woodward?' giving my name, just like that. And I said 'Yes.' And he said, 'Oh, Woodward, General Fentiman wishes me to tell you not to wait up for him, as he is spending the night with me.' So I said, 'Excuse me, sir, who is it speaking, please?' And he said, 'Mr. Oliver.' So I asked him to repeat the name, not having heard it before, and he said 'Oliver'—it came over very plain, 'Mr. Oliver,' he said, 'I'm an old friend of General Fentiman's, and he is staying to-night with me, as we have some business to talk over.' So I said, 'Does the General require anything, sir?'—thinking, you know, my lord, as he might wish to have his sleeping-suit and his tooth-brush or something of that, but the gentleman said no, he had got everything necessary and I was not to trouble myself. Well, of course, my lord, as I explained to Major Fentiman, I didn't like to take upon myself to ask questions, being only in service, my lord; it might seem taking a liberty. But I was very much afraid of the excitement and staying up late being too much for the General, so I went so far as to say I hoped General Fentiman was in good health and not tiring of himself, and Mr. Oliver laughed and said he would take very good care of him and send him to bed straight away. And I was just about to make so bold as to ask him where he lived, when he rang off. And that was all I knew till I heard next day of the General being dead, my lord."

"About nine. It might have been a little later, but not more than a quarter past at the most. A man spoke to me. He asked, 'Is this General Fentiman's flat?' I replied, 'Yes, who is it, please?' He said, 'Is this Woodward?' using my name just like that. I answered, 'Yes.' Then he said, 'Oh, Woodward, General Fentiman wants me to tell you not to wait up for him, as he’s spending the night with me.' I asked, 'Excuse me, sir, who is speaking, please?' He replied, 'Mr. Oliver.' I asked him to repeat the name since I hadn't heard it before, and he said 'Oliver'—clearly, 'Mr. Oliver,' he said, 'I’m an old friend of General Fentiman’s, and he is staying with me tonight because we have some business to discuss.' I asked, 'Does the General need anything, sir?' thinking he might want his pajamas or toothbrush or something, but the man said no, he had everything he needed and I shouldn’t worry. Well, of course, as I explained to Major Fentiman, I didn’t want to overstep by asking questions, being just staff, my lord; it might seem presumptuous. But I was really worried that the excitement and staying up late would be too much for the General, so I went ahead and said I hoped General Fentiman was in good health and not overdoing it, and Mr. Oliver laughed and said he would take very good care of him and get him to bed right away. I was just about to be bold and ask him where he lived when he hung up. That was all I knew until I heard the next day that the General had died, my lord."

"There now," said Robert Fentiman. "What do you think of that?"

"There you go," said Robert Fentiman. "What do you think of that?"

"Odd," said Wimsey, "and most unfortunate as it turns out. Did the General often stay out at night, Woodward?"

"Strange," said Wimsey, "and really unfortunate, as it turns out. Did the General often stay out late, Woodward?"

"Never, my lord. I don't recollect such a thing happening once in five or six years. In the old days, perhaps, he'd visit friends occasionally, but not of late."

"Never, my lord. I don't remember that happening once in five or six years. In the past, he might have visited friends now and then, but not recently."

"And you'd never heard of this Mr. Oliver?"

"And you’ve never heard of this Mr. Oliver?"

"No, my lord."

"No, my lord."

"His voice wasn't familiar?"

"His voice didn't sound familiar?"

"I couldn't say but what I might have heard it before, my lord, but I find it very difficult to recognize voices on the telephone. But I thought at the time it might be one of the gentlemen from the Club."

"I can't say for sure that I haven't heard it before, my lord, but I find it really hard to recognize voices on the phone. At that moment, I thought it might be one of the guys from the Club."

"Do you know anything about the man, Fentiman?"

"Do you know anything about the guy, Fentiman?"

"Oh yes—I've met him. At least, I suppose it's the same man. But I know nothing about him. I fancy I ran across him once in some frightful crush or other, a public dinner, or something of that kind, and he said he knew my grandfather. And I've seen him lunching at Gatti's and that sort of thing. But I haven't the remotest idea where he lives or what he does."

"Oh, yes—I’ve met him. At least, I think it’s the same guy. But I really don’t know anything about him. I think I bumped into him once at some awful crowded event, like a public dinner or something similar, and he mentioned knowing my grandfather. I’ve seen him having lunch at Gatti’s and stuff like that. But I have no clue where he lives or what he does."

"Army man?"

"Soldier?"

"No—something in the engineering line, I fancy."

"No—something in engineering, I guess."

"What's he like?"

"What's he like?"

"Oh, tall, thin, gray hair and spectacles. About sixty-five to look at. He may be older—must be, if he's an old friend of grandfather's. I gathered he was retired from whatever it is he did, and lived in some suburb, but I'm hanged if I can remember which."

"Oh, he’s tall and thin, with gray hair and glasses. He looks about sixty-five. He might be older—probably is, since he’s an old friend of my grandfather’s. I got the sense he’s retired from whatever job he had and lives in some suburb, but I can’t for the life of me remember which one."

"Not very helpful," said Wimsey. "D'you know, occasionally I think there's quite a lot to be said for women."

"Not very helpful," said Wimsey. "You know, sometimes I feel there's a lot to appreciate about women."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, I mean, all this easy, uninquisitive way men have of makin' casual acquaintances is very fine and admirable and all that—but look how inconvenient it is! Here you are. You admit you've met this bloke two or three times, and all you know about him is that he is tall and thin and retired into some unspecified suburb. A woman, with the same opportunities, would have found out his address and occupation, whether he was married, how many children he had, with their names and what they did for a living, what his favorite author was, what food he liked best, the name of his tailor, dentist and bootmaker, when he knew your grandfather and what he thought of him—screeds of useful stuff!"

"Well, I mean, it’s great how easily and casually guys make acquaintances, but look at how inconvenient it is! Here you are. You admit you've met this guy two or three times, and all you know about him is that he’s tall and thin and lives in some unnamed suburb. A woman, in the same situation, would have figured out his address and job, whether he’s married, how many kids he has, their names and what they do for a living, what his favorite book is, what food he likes best, the names of his tailor, dentist, and shoemaker, when he knew your grandfather and what he thought of him—loads of useful information!"

"So she would," said Fentiman, with a grin. "That's why I've never married."

"So she would," Fentiman said with a grin. "That's why I've never gotten married."

"I quite agree," said Wimsey, "but the fact remains that as a source of information you're simply a wash-out. Do, for goodness' sake, pull yourself together and try to remember something a bit more definite about the fellow. It may mean half a million to you to know what time grandpa set off in the morning from Tooting Bec or Finchley or wherever it was. If it was a distant suburb, it would account for his arriving rather late at the Club—which is rather in your favor, by the way."

"I totally agree," said Wimsey, "but the fact is, as a source of information, you're just not helpful. Please, for goodness' sake, get it together and try to remember something a bit more concrete about the guy. It could mean a lot of money to you to know what time grandpa left in the morning from Tooting Bec or Finchley or wherever it was. If it was from a far-off suburb, that would explain why he got to the Club a bit late—which actually works in your favor, by the way."

"I suppose it is. I'll do my best to remember. But I'm not sure that I ever knew."

"I guess it is. I'll try my best to remember. But I’m not sure I ever really knew."

"It's awkward," said Wimsey. "No doubt the police could find the man for us, but it's not a police case. And I don't suppose you particularly want to advertise."

"It's awkward," said Wimsey. "The police could probably locate the guy for us, but this isn't really a police matter. And I don't guess you want to draw attention to it."

"Well—it may come to that. But naturally, we're not keen on publicity if we can avoid it. If only I could remember exactly what work he said he'd been connected with."

"Well—it might come to that. But of course, we prefer to avoid publicity if we can. If only I could remember exactly what job he said he was involved with."

"Yes—or the public dinner or whatever it was where you first met him. One might get hold of a list of the guests."

"Yeah—or the public dinner or whatever it was where you first met him. You could probably get a list of the guests."

"My dear Wimsey—that was two or three years ago!"

"My dear Wimsey—that was two or three years ago!"

"Or maybe they know the blighter at Gatti's."

"Or maybe they know the troublemaker at Gatti's."

"That's an idea. I've met him there several times. Tell you what, I'll go along there and make inquiries, and if they don't know him, I'll make a point of lunching there pretty regularly. He's almost bound to turn up again."

"That's a good idea. I've seen him there a few times. Here's the plan: I'll go there and ask around, and if they don't recognize him, I'll start having lunch there pretty regularly. He's sure to show up again."

"Right. You do that. And meanwhile, do you mind if I have a look round the flat?"

"Okay. You do that. In the meantime, could I take a look around the apartment?"

"Rather not. D'you want me? Or would you rather have Woodward? He really knows a lot more about things."

"Not really. Do you want me? Or would you prefer Woodward? He actually knows a lot more about things."

"Thanks. I'll have Woodward. Don't mind me. I shall just be fussing about."

"Thanks. I'll take Woodward. Don’t worry about me. I’ll just be messing around."

"Carry on by all means. I've got one or two drawers full of papers to go through. If I come across anything bearing on the Oliver bloke I'll yell out to you."

"Go ahead, for sure. I've got a couple of drawers packed with papers to sort through. If I find anything related to that Oliver guy, I'll let you know."

"Right."

"Okay."

Wimsey went out, leaving him to it, and joined Woodward and Bunter, who were conversing in the next room. A glance told Wimsey that this was the General's bedroom.

Wimsey went outside, leaving him to it, and joined Woodward and Bunter, who were talking in the next room. A quick look showed Wimsey that this was the General's bedroom.

On a table beside the narrow iron bedstead was an old-fashioned writing-desk. Wimsey took it up, weighed it in his hands a moment and then took it to Robert Fentiman in the other room. "Have you opened this?" he asked.

On a table next to the narrow metal bed was an old-fashioned writing desk. Wimsey picked it up, felt its weight in his hands for a moment, and then carried it to Robert Fentiman in the other room. "Have you opened this?" he asked.

"Yes—only old letters and things."

"Yes—just old letters and stuff."

"You didn't come across Oliver's address, I suppose?"

"You didn’t happen to find Oliver’s address, did you?"

"No. Of course I looked for that."

"No. Obviously, I looked for that."

"Looked anywhere else? Any drawers? Cupboards? That sort of thing?"

"Have you checked anywhere else? Any drawers? Cabinets? That kind of stuff?"

"Not so far," said Fentiman, rather shortly.

"Not very far," Fentiman replied, somewhat abruptly.

"No telephone memorandum or anything—you've tried the telephone-book, I suppose?"

"No phone message or anything—you've checked the phone book, I guess?"

"Well, no—I can't very well ring up perfect strangers and—"

"Well, no—I can't really call up perfect strangers and—"

"And sing 'em the Froth-Blowers' Anthem? Good God, man, anybody'd think you were chasing a lost umbrella, not half a million of money. The man rang you up, so he may very well be on the 'phone himself. Better let Bunter tackle the job. He has an excellent manner on the line; people find it a positive pleasure to be tr-r-roubled by him."

"And sing the Froth-Blowers' Anthem? Good grief, man, anyone would think you were looking for a lost umbrella, not half a million dollars. The guy called you, so he could easily be on the line himself. It's better to let Bunter handle the job. He has a great way of talking on the phone; people genuinely enjoy being bothered by him."

Robert Fentiman greeted this feeble pleasantry with an indulgent grin, and produced the telephone directory, to which Bunter immediately applied himself. Finding two-and-a-half columns of Olivers, he removed the receiver and started to work steadily through them in rotation. Wimsey returned to the bedroom. It was in apple-pie order—the bed neatly made, the wash-hand apparatus set in order, as though the occupant might return at any moment, every speck of dust removed—a tribute to Woodward's reverent affection, but a depressing sight for an investigator. Wimsey sat down, and let his eye rove slowly from the hanging wardrobe, with its polished doors, over the orderly line of boots and shoes arranged on their trees on a small shelf, the dressing table, the washstand, the bed and the chest of drawers which, with the small bedside table and a couple of chairs, comprised the furniture.

Robert Fentiman greeted this weak attempt at politeness with a tolerant smile and pulled out the phone book, which Bunter immediately started to use. After spotting two and a half columns of Olivers, he lifted the receiver and began to go through them methodically one by one. Wimsey went back to the bedroom. It was perfectly tidy—the bed neatly made, the wash basin arranged like the previous occupant might come back at any moment, and not a speck of dust in sight—a testament to Woodward's deep care, but a grim scene for an investigator. Wimsey sat down and let his gaze wander slowly from the hanging wardrobe with its shiny doors, across the neatly lined boots and shoes arranged on their racks on a small shelf, to the dressing table, washstand, bed, and chest of drawers, which, along with a small bedside table and a couple of chairs, made up the complete furniture set.

"Did the General shave himself, Woodward?"

"Did the General shave himself, Woodward?"

"No, my lord; not latterly. That was my duty, my lord."

"No, my lord; not recently. That was my responsibility, my lord."

"Did he brush his own teeth, or dental plate or whatever it was?"

"Did he brush his own teeth or dental plate, or whatever it was?"

"Oh, yes, my lord. General Fentiman had an excellent set of teeth for his age."

"Oh, yes, my lord. General Fentiman had a great set of teeth for his age."

Wimsey fixed his powerful monocle into his eye, and carried the tooth-brush over to the window. The result of the scrutiny was unsatisfactory. He looked round again.

Wimsey put his strong monocle in his eye and took the toothbrush over to the window. The outcome of his inspection was disappointing. He looked around again.

"Is that his walking-stick?"

"Is that his cane?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Yes, my lord."

"May I see it?"

"Can I see it?"

Woodward brought it across, carrying it, after the manner of a well-trained servant, by the middle. Lord Peter took it from him in the same manner, suppressing a slight, excited smile. The stick was a heavy malacca, with a thick crutch-handle of polished ivory, suitable for sustaining the feeble steps of old age. The monocle came into play again, and this time its owner gave a chuckle of pleasure.

Woodward handed it over, carrying it like a well-trained servant, by the middle. Lord Peter took it from him in the same way, holding back a slight, excited smile. The stick was a heavy malacca, with a thick crutch handle made of polished ivory, perfect for supporting the unsteady steps of old age. The monocle was brought into action again, and this time its owner let out a chuckle of delight.

"I shall want to take a photograph of this stick presently, Woodward. Will you be very careful to see that it is not touched by anybody beforehand?"

"I want to take a picture of this stick soon, Woodward. Can you make sure no one touches it before I do?"

"Certainly, my lord."

"Of course, my lord."

Wimsey stood the stick carefully in its corner again, and then, as though it had put a new train of ideas into his mind, walked across to the shoeshelf.

Wimsey carefully placed the stick back in its corner, and then, as if it had sparked new thoughts in his mind, walked over to the shoe shelf.

"Which were the shoes General Fentiman was wearing at the time of his death?"

"Which shoes was General Fentiman wearing when he died?"

"These, my lord."

"Here you go, my lord."

"Have they been cleaned since?"

"Have they been cleaned yet?"

Woodward looked a trifle stricken.

Woodward looked a bit shocked.

"Not to say cleaned, my lord. I just wiped them over with a duster. They were not very dirty, and somehow—I hadn't the heart—if you'll excuse me, my lord."

"Not that I cleaned them, my lord. I just dusted them off a bit. They weren't very dirty, and somehow—I couldn't bring myself to do it—if you'll excuse me, my lord."

"That's very fortunate."

"That's super lucky."

Wimsey turned them over and examined the soles very carefully, both with the lens and with the naked eye. With a small pair of tweezers, taken from his pocket, he delicately removed a small fragment of pile—apparently from a thick carpet—which was clinging to a projecting brad, and stored it carefully away in an envelope. Then, putting the right shoe aside, he subjected the left to a prolonged scrutiny, especially about the inner edge of the sole. Finally he asked for a sheet of paper, and wrapped the shoe up as tenderly as though it had been a piece of priceless Waterford glass.

Wimsey flipped them over and examined the soles closely, both with a magnifying glass and with his bare eyes. Using a small pair of tweezers he pulled from his pocket, he carefully removed a tiny piece of carpet fiber that was stuck to a protruding nail and stored it carefully in an envelope. After setting the right shoe aside, he gave the left one a thorough inspection, paying special attention to the inner edge of the sole. Finally, he asked for a piece of paper and wrapped the shoe up as gently as if it were a piece of valuable Waterford glass.

"I should like to see all the clothes General Fentiman was wearing that day—the outer garments, I mean—hat, suit, overcoat and so on."

"I'd like to see all the clothes General Fentiman was wearing that day—the outer clothes, I mean—hat, suit, overcoat, and so on."

The garments were produced, and Wimsey went over every inch of them with the same care and patience, watched by Woodward with flattering attention.

The clothes were made, and Wimsey examined every detail of them with the same care and patience, observed by Woodward with admiring interest.

"Have they been brushed?"

"Have they been cleaned?"

"No, my lord—only shaken out." This time Woodward offered no apology, having grasped dimly that polishing and brushing were not acts which called for approval under these unusual circumstances.

"No, my lord—just shaken out." This time, Woodward didn’t apologize, having vaguely understood that polishing and brushing weren’t actions that required approval in these unusual circumstances.

"You see," said Wimsey, pausing for a moment to note an infinitesimally small ruffling of the threads on the left-hand trouser-leg, "we might be able to get some sort of a clew from the dust on the clothes, if any—to show us where the General spent the night. If—to take a rather unlikely example—we were to find a lot of sawdust, for instance, we might suppose that he had been visiting a carpenter. Or a dead leaf might suggest a garden or a common, or something of that sort. While a cobweb might mean a wine-cellar, or—or a potting-shed—and so on. You see?"

"You see," Wimsey said, pausing for a moment to notice a tiny ruffling of the threads on the left pant leg, "we might be able to get some kind of clue from the dust on the clothes, if there is any— to show us where the General spent the night. If—just to give a rather unlikely example—we were to find a bunch of sawdust, we might think he had visited a carpenter. Or a dead leaf could hint at a garden or a common area, or something like that. Meanwhile, a cobweb might indicate a wine cellar, or—or a potting shed—and so on. You see?"

"Yes, my lord," (rather doubtfully).

"Sure, my lord," (somewhat doubtful).

"You don't happen to remember noticing that little tear—well, it's hardly a tear—just a little roughness. It might have caught on a nail."

"You don't remember seeing that small tear—well, it's not really a tear—just a bit of roughness. It might have snagged on a nail."

"I can't say I recollect it, my lord. But I might have overlooked it."

"I can't say I remember it, my lord. But I might have missed it."

"Of course. It's probably of no importance. Well—lock the things up carefully. It's just possible I might have to have the dust extracted and analyzed. Just a moment—Has anything been removed from these clothes? The pockets were emptied, I suppose?"

"Sure. It's probably not important. Anyway—make sure to lock everything up tightly. There's a chance I might need to get the dust taken out and tested. Just a second—Has anything been taken from these clothes? The pockets were cleared out, right?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Yes, my lord."

"There was nothing unusual in them?"

"There was nothing unusual about them?"

"No, my lord. Nothing but what the General always took out with him. Just his handkerchief, keys, money and cigar-case."

"No, my lord. Nothing except what the General always took with him. Just his handkerchief, keys, cash, and cigar case."

"H'm. How about the money?"

"Um. What about the money?"

"Well, my lord—I couldn't say exactly as to that. Major Fentiman has got it all. There was two pound notes in his note-case, I remember. I believe he had two pounds ten when he went out, and some loose silver in the trouser pocket. He'd have paid his taxi-fare and his lunch at the Club out of the ten-shilling note."

"Well, my lord—I can’t say for sure about that. Major Fentiman has everything. I remember there were two pound notes in his wallet. I believe he had two pounds ten when he left, along with some loose change in his trouser pocket. He would have paid for his taxi fare and lunch at the Club with the ten-shilling note."

"That shows he didn't pay for anything unusual, then, in the way of train or taxis backwards and forwards, or dinner, or drinks."

"That indicates he didn't spend money on anything out of the ordinary, like trains or taxis back and forth, or dinner, or drinks."

"No, my lord."

"No, my lord."

"But naturally, this Oliver fellow would see to all that. Did the General have a fountain-pen?"

"But of course, this Oliver guy would take care of everything. Did the General have a fountain pen?"

"No, my lord. He did very little writing, my lord. I was accustomed to write any necessary letters to tradesmen, and so on."

"No, my lord. He hardly wrote anything, my lord. I usually handled any letters that needed to be sent to tradesmen and so on."

"What sort of nib did he use, when he did write?"

"What kind of nib did he use when he wrote?"

"A J pen, my lord. You will find it in the sitting-room. But mostly I believe he wrote his letters at the Club. He had a very small private correspondence—it might be a letter or so to the Bank or to his man of business, my lord."

"A J pen, my lord. You'll find it in the sitting room. But mostly, I think he wrote his letters at the Club. He had a very limited private correspondence—it might be a letter or two to the Bank or to his businessman, my lord."

"I see. Have you his check-book?"

"I understand. Do you have his checkbook?"

"Major Fentiman has it, my lord."

"Major Fentiman has it, my lord."

"Do you remember whether the General had it with him when he last went out?"

"Do you remember if the General had it with him the last time he went out?"

"No, my lord. It was kept in his writing-desk as a rule. He would write the checks for the household here, my lord, and give them to me. Or occasionally he might take the book down to the Club with him."

"No, my lord. He usually kept it in his writing desk. He would write the household checks here, my lord, and then give them to me. Sometimes he might take the book with him to the Club."

"Ah! Well, it doesn't look as though the mysterious Mr. Oliver was one of those undesirable blokes who demand money. Right you are, Woodward. You're perfectly certain that you removed nothing whatever from those clothes except what was in the pockets?"

"Ah! It seems that the mysterious Mr. Oliver isn’t one of those shady guys who ask for money. You’re right, Woodward. Are you absolutely sure you didn’t take anything from those clothes besides what was in the pockets?"

"I am quite positive of that, my lord."

"I’m pretty sure of that, my lord."

"That's very odd," said Wimsey, half to himself. "I'm not sure that it isn't the oddest thing about the case."

"That's really strange," Wimsey said, mostly to himself. "I'm not sure it's not the strangest thing about this case."

"Indeed, my lord? Might I ask why?"

"Really, my lord? Can I ask why?"

"Why," said Wimsey, "I should have expected—" he checked himself. Major Fentiman was looking in at the door.

"Why," said Wimsey, "I should have expected—" he paused. Major Fentiman was peering in through the door.

"What's odd, Wimsey?"

"What's weird, Wimsey?"

"Oh, just a little thing struck me," said Wimsey, vaguely. "I expected to find something among those clothes which isn't there. That's all."

"Oh, just a little thing crossed my mind," said Wimsey, somewhat abstractly. "I thought I would find something in those clothes that isn't there. That's it."

"Impenetrable sleuth," said the major, laughing. "What are you driving at?"

"Unstoppable detective," the major said with a laugh. "What are you getting at?"

"Work it out for yourself, my dear Watson," said his lordship, grinning like a dog. "You have all the data. Work it out for yourself, and let me know the answer."

"Figure it out on your own, my dear Watson," said his lordship, grinning like a dog. "You have all the information. Solve it yourself, and let me know what you come up with."

Woodward, a trifle pained by this levity, gathered up the garments and put them away in the wardrobe.

Woodward, a bit annoyed by this lightheartedness, picked up the clothes and put them away in the wardrobe.

"How's Bunter getting on with those calls?"

"How's Bunter doing with those calls?"

"No luck, at present."

"Not lucky right now."

"Oh!—well, he'd better come in now and do some photographs. We can finish the telephoning at home. Bunter!—Oh, and, I say, Woodward—d'you mind if we take your finger-prints?"

"Oh!—well, he should come in now and take some photos. We can finish the calling at home. Bunter!—Oh, and, hey, Woodward—do you mind if we take your fingerprints?"

"Finger-prints, my lord?"

"Fingerprints, my lord?"

"Good God, you're not trying to fasten anything on Woodward?"

"Good God, you're not trying to pin anything on Woodward?"

"Fasten what?"

"Fasten what now?"

"Well—I mean, I thought it was only burglars and people who had finger-prints taken."

"Well—I mean, I thought it was just burglars and people who had their fingerprints taken."

"Not exactly. No—I want the General's finger-prints, really, to compare them with some others I got at the Club. There's a very fine set on that walking-stick of his, and I want Woodward's, just to make sure I'm not getting the two sets mixed up. I'd better take yours, too. It's just possible you might have handled the stick without noticing."

"Not exactly. No—I really want the General's fingerprints to compare them with some others I got at the Club. There's a really good set on that walking stick of his, and I want Woodward's just to make sure I don't mix the two sets up. I should probably take yours too. It's possible you might have touched the stick without realizing it."

"Oh, I get you, Steve. I don't think I've touched the thing, but it's as well to make sure, as you say. Funny sort of business, what? Quite the Scotland Yard touch. How d'you do it?"

"Oh, I understand you, Steve. I don't think I've messed with it, but it's good to double-check, as you said. Strange situation, isn't it? It has a bit of a Scotland Yard vibe. How do you manage it?"

"Bunter will show you."

"Bunter will show you."

Bunter immediately produced a small inking-pad and roller, and a number of sheets of smooth, white paper. The fingers of the two candidates were carefully wiped with a clean cloth, and pressed first on the pad and then on the paper. The impressions thus obtained were labeled and put away in envelopes, after which the handle of the walking-stick was lightly dusted with gray powder, bringing to light an excellent set of prints of a right-hand set of fingers, superimposed here and there, but quite identifiable. Fentiman and Woodward gazed fascinated at this entertaining miracle.

Bunter quickly took out a small ink pad and roller, along with several sheets of smooth, white paper. He carefully wiped the fingers of the two candidates with a clean cloth, pressed them first on the pad and then on the paper. The impressions were labeled and stored in envelopes. Then, the handle of the walking stick was lightly dusted with gray powder, revealing a clear set of fingerprints from the right hand, overlapping in places but still identifiable. Fentiman and Woodward watched in fascination at this captivating process.

"Are they all right?"

"Are they okay?"

"Perfectly so, sir; they are quite unlike either of the other two specimens."

"Exactly, sir; they are completely different from the other two samples."

"Then presumably they're the General's. Hurry up and get a negative."

"Then they're probably the General's. Hurry up and get a negative."

Bunter set up the camera and focussed it.

Bunter set up the camera and focused it.

"Unless," observed Major Fentiman, "they are Mr. Oliver's. That would be a good joke, wouldn't it?"

"Unless," noted Major Fentiman, "they belong to Mr. Oliver. That would be a funny joke, wouldn't it?"

"It would, indeed," said Wimsey, a little taken aback. "A very good joke—on somebody. And for the moment, Fentiman, I'm not sure which of us would do the laughing."

"It would, for sure," said Wimsey, slightly surprised. "A really good joke—on someone. And right now, Fentiman, I'm not sure who would be the one laughing."


CHAPTER VII

The Curse of Scotland

The Curse of Scotland

What with telephone calls and the development of photographs, it appeared obvious that Bunter was booked for a busy afternoon. His master, therefore, considerately left him in possession of the flat in Piccadilly, and walked abroad to divert himself in his own peculiar way.

With phone calls and the development of photos, it was clear that Bunter had a packed afternoon ahead. So, his master thoughtfully left him in the flat in Piccadilly and went out to entertain himself in his own unique way.

His first visit was to one of those offices which undertake to distribute advertisements to the press. Here he drew up an advertisement addressed to taxi-drivers and arranged for it to appear, at the earliest possible date, in all the papers which men of that profession might be expected to read. Three drivers were requested to communicate with Mr. J. Murbles, Solicitor, of Staple Inn, who would recompense them amply for their time and trouble. First: any driver who remembered taking up an aged gentleman from Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square or the near vicinity on the afternoon of November 10th. Secondly: any driver who recollected taking up an aged gentleman at or near Dr. Penberthy's house in Harley Street at some time in the afternoon or evening of November 10th. And thirdly: any driver who had deposited a similarly aged gentleman at the door of the Bellona Club between 10 and 12.30 in the morning of November 11th.

His first stop was at an office that handles the distribution of advertisements to newspapers. Here, he created an ad aimed at taxi drivers and arranged for it to be published as soon as possible in all the papers that those drivers would likely read. The ad requested that three drivers get in touch with Mr. J. Murbles, Solicitor, of Staple Inn, who would compensate them generously for their time and effort. First: any driver who remembered picking up an elderly gentleman from Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square or nearby on the afternoon of November 10th. Second: any driver who recalled picking up an elderly gentleman at or near Dr. Penberthy's house in Harley Street at some point in the afternoon or evening of November 10th. And third: any driver who dropped off a similarly aged gentleman at the door of the Bellona Club between 10 and 12:30 in the morning of November 11th.

"Though probably," thought Wimsey, as he footed the bill for the insertions, to run for three days unless cancelled, "Oliver had a car and ran the old boy up himself. Still, it's just worth trying."

"Although maybe," thought Wimsey, as he paid for the ads, which would run for three days unless canceled, "Oliver had a car and drove the old guy himself. Still, it's worth a shot."

He had a parcel under his arm, and his next proceeding was to hail a cab and drive to the residence of Sir James Lubbock, the well-known analyst. Sir James was fortunately at home and delighted to see Lord Peter. He was a square-built man, with a reddish face and strongly-curling gray hair, and received his visitor in his laboratory, where he was occupied in superintending a Marsh's test for arsenic.

He had a package under his arm, and his next move was to flag down a cab and head to the home of Sir James Lubbock, the famous analyst. Luckily, Sir James was home and thrilled to see Lord Peter. He was a stocky man with a reddish face and tightly curled gray hair, and he welcomed his guest in his lab, where he was overseeing a Marsh's test for arsenic.

"D'ye mind just taking a pew for a moment, while I finish this off?"

"Would you mind sitting down for a moment while I finish this up?"

Wimsey took the pew and watched, interested, the flame from the Bunsen burner playing steadily upon the glass tube, the dark brown deposit slowly forming and deepening at the narrow end. From time to time, the analyst poured down the thistle-funnel a small quantity of a highly disagreeable-looking liquid from a stoppered phial; once his assistant came forward to add a few more drops of what Wimsey knew must be hydrochloric acid. Presently, the disagreeable liquid having all been transferred to the flask, and the deposit having deepened almost to black at its densest part, the tube was detached and taken away, and the burner extinguished, and Sir James Lubbock, after writing and signing a brief note, turned round and greeted Wimsey cordially.

Wimsey sat in the pew and watched with interest as the flame from the Bunsen burner steadily warmed the glass tube. A dark brown deposit slowly formed and thickened at the narrow end. Occasionally, the analyst poured a small amount of a very unpleasant-looking liquid from a stoppered vial through the thistle funnel; at one point, his assistant stepped in to add a few more drops of what Wimsey recognized as hydrochloric acid. Soon, after all the unpleasant liquid had been transferred to the flask, and the deposit had darkened almost to black at its densest point, the tube was removed and taken away, the burner was turned off, and Sir James Lubbock, after writing and signing a brief note, turned around and greeted Wimsey warmly.

"Sure I am not interrupting you, Lubbock?"

"Are you sure I'm not interrupting you, Lubbock?"

"Not a scrap. We've just finished. That was the last mirror. We shall be ready in good time for our appearance in Court. Not that there's much doubt about it. Enough of the stuff to kill an elephant. Considering the obliging care we take in criminal prosecutions to inform the public at large that two or three grains of arsenic will successfully account for an unpopular individual, however tough, it's surprising how wasteful people are with their drugs. You can't teach 'em. An office-boy who was as incompetent as the average murderer would be sacked with a kick in the bottom. Well, now! and what's your little trouble?"

"Not a bit. We've just wrapped up. That was the last mirror. We’ll be ready in plenty of time for our appearance in court. Not that there’s much doubt about it. Enough of the stuff to take down an elephant. Given how careful we are in criminal cases to let the public know that just two or three grains of arsenic can take care of someone unpopular, no matter how tough they are, it's surprising how wasteful people are with their drugs. You can't teach them. An office boy who was as useless as the average murderer would get fired with a kick in the rear. So, what’s your little problem?"

"A small matter," said Wimsey, unrolling his parcel and producing General Fentiman's left boot, "it's cheek to come to you about it. But I want very much to know what this is, and as it's strictly a private matter, I took the liberty of bargin' round to you in a friendly way. Just along the inside of the sole, there—on the edge."

"A minor issue," said Wimsey, unwrapping his package and pulling out General Fentiman's left boot, "it feels a bit bold to bring this to your attention. But I'm really curious about what this is, and since it's a private matter, I took the liberty of coming to you informally. Right along the inside of the sole, there—on the edge."

"Blood?" suggested the analyst, grinning.

"Blood?" asked the analyst, grinning.

"Well, no—sorry to disappoint you. More like paint, I fancy."

"Well, no—sorry to let you down. I prefer it more like paint."

Sir James looked closely at the deposit with a powerful lens.

Sir James examined the deposit closely with a strong magnifying glass.

"Yes; some sort of brown varnish. Might be off a floor or a piece of furniture. Do you want an analysis?"

"Yeah, some kind of brown varnish. Could be from a floor or a piece of furniture. Do you want me to analyze it?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

"If it’s not too much of a hassle."

"Not at all. I think we'll get Saunders to do it; he has made rather a specialty of this kind of thing. Saunders, would you scrape this off carefully and see what it is? Get a slide of it, and make an analysis of the rest, if you can. How soon is it wanted?"

"Not at all. I think we should have Saunders handle it; he has really specialized in this kind of work. Saunders, could you carefully scrape this off and see what it is? Get a slide of it and analyze the rest if you can. When is it needed?"

"Well, I'd like it as soon as possible. I don't mean within the next five minutes."

"Well, I'd like it as soon as possible. I don't mean in the next five minutes."

"Well, stay and have a spot of tea with us, and I dare say we can get something ready for you by then. It doesn't look anything out of the way. Knowing your tastes, I'm still surprised it isn't blood. Have you no blood in prospect?"

"Well, stay and have some tea with us, and I bet we can get something ready for you by then. It doesn’t seem too unusual. Knowing what you like, I’m still surprised it isn’t blood. Don’t you have any blood in mind?"

"Not that I know of. I'll stay to tea with pleasure, if you're certain I'm not being a bore."

"Not that I know of. I'll gladly stay for tea if you're sure I'm not being a nuisance."

"Never that. Besides, while you're here, you might give me your opinion on those old medical books of mine. I don't suppose they're particularly valuable, but they're quaint. Come along."

"Not at all. Anyway, while you're here, why not share your thoughts on my old medical books? I doubt they're worth much, but they have a certain charm. Let's go."

Wimsey passed a couple of hours agreeably with Lady Lubbock and crumpets and a dozen or so antiquated anatomical treatises. Presently Saunders returned with his report. The deposit was nothing more nor less than an ordinary brown paint and varnish of a kind well known to joiners and furniture-makers. It was a modern preparation, with nothing unusual about it; one might find it anywhere. It was not a floor-varnish—one would expect to meet it on a door or partition or something of that sort. The chemical formula followed.

Wimsey spent a pleasant couple of hours with Lady Lubbock, enjoying crumpets and looking through a dozen old anatomical books. Soon, Saunders came back with his report. The deposit was simply an ordinary brown paint and varnish that carpenters and furniture makers are familiar with. It was a modern product, nothing out of the ordinary; you could find it anywhere. It wasn't a floor varnish—one would expect to see it on a door or partition or something similar. The chemical formula followed.

"Not very helpful, I'm afraid," said Sir James.

"Not very helpful, I’m afraid," Sir James said.

"You never know your luck," replied Wimsey. "Would you be good enough to label the slide and sign your name to it, and to the analysis, and keep them both by you for reference in case they're wanted?"

"You never know your luck," Wimsey replied. "Could you please label the slide and sign your name on it, as well as on the analysis, and keep both for reference in case they're needed?"

"Sure thing. How do you want 'em labeled?"

"Sure thing. How do you want them labeled?"

"Well—put down 'Varnish from General Fentiman's left boot,' and 'Analysis of varnish from General Fentiman's left boot,' and the date, and I'll sign it, and you and Saunders can sign it, and then I think we shall be all right."

"Okay—write down 'Varnish from General Fentiman's left boot,' and 'Analysis of varnish from General Fentiman's left boot,' along with the date, and I'll sign it. Then you and Saunders can sign it, and I think we'll be good to go."

"Fentiman? Was that the old boy who died suddenly the other day?"

"Fentiman? Was that the old guy who passed away unexpectedly the other day?"

"It was. But it's no use looking at me with that child-like air of intelligent taking-notice, because I haven't got any gory yarn to spin. It's only a question of where the old man spent the night, if you must know."

"It was. But it's pointless to look at me with that innocent air of smart curiosity because I don't have any thrilling story to tell. It's just a matter of where the old man spent the night, if you really want to know."

"Curiouser and curiouser. Never mind, it's nothing to do with me. Perhaps when it's all over, you'll tell me what it's about. Meanwhile the labels shall go on. You, I take it, are ready to witness to the identity of the boot, and I can witness to having seen the varnish on the boot, and Saunders can witness that he removed the varnish from the boot and analyzed it and that this is the varnish he analyzed. All according to Cocker. Here you are. Sign here and here, and that will be eight-and-sixpence, please."

"Curiouser and curiouser. Never mind, it’s not my problem. Maybe when it’s all settled, you’ll tell me what it’s about. In the meantime, we’ll stick on the labels. You’re ready to confirm the boot’s identity, and I can confirm that I saw the varnish on the boot. Saunders can confirm that he removed the varnish from the boot and analyzed it, and this is the varnish he analyzed. All according to Cocker. Here you go. Sign here and here, and that’ll be eight-and-sixpence, please."

"It might be cheap at eight-and-sixpence," said Wimsey. "It might even turn out to be cheap at eight hundred and sixty quid—or eight thousand and sixty."

"It might be a good deal at eight shillings and six pence," said Wimsey. "It could even end up being a bargain at eight hundred and sixty pounds—or eight thousand and sixty."

Sir James Lubbock looked properly thrilled.

Sir James Lubbock looked genuinely excited.

"You're only doing it to annoy, because you know it teases. Well, if you must be sphinx-like, you must. I'll keep these things under lock and key for you. Do you want the boot back?"

"You're just doing this to annoy me because you know it bugs me. Well, if you want to be all mysterious, fine. I'll keep these things locked up for you. Do you want the boot back?"

"I don't suppose the executor will worry. And a fellow looks such a fool carrying a boot about. Put it away with the other things till called for, there's a good man."

"I don’t think the executor will be concerned. And a guy looks really foolish walking around with a boot. Put it away with the other stuff until it's needed, will you?"

So the boot was put away in a cupboard, and Lord Peter was free to carry on with his afternoon's entertainment.

So the boot was stored in a cupboard, and Lord Peter was free to continue with his afternoon entertainment.

His first idea was to go on up to Finsbury Park, to see the George Fentimans. He remembered in time, however, that Sheila would not yet be home from her work—she was employed as cashier in a fashionable tea-shop—and further (with a forethought rare in the well-to-do) that if he arrived too early he would have to be asked to supper, and that there would be very little supper and that Sheila would be worried about it and George annoyed. So he turned in to one of his numerous Clubs, and had a Sole Colbert very well cooked, with a bottle of Liebfraumilch; an Apple Charlotte and light savory to follow, and black coffee and a rare old brandy to top up with—a simple and satisfactory meal which left him in the best of tempers.

His first thought was to head up to Finsbury Park to see the George Fentimans. However, he remembered that Sheila wouldn't be home from work yet—she worked as a cashier in a trendy tea shop—and, thinking ahead (something not common among the wealthy), he realized that if he arrived too early, he’d be invited to dinner, which would be minimal, and Sheila would worry about it while George would be annoyed. So, he decided to stop by one of his many clubs and ordered a Sole Colbert that was cooked perfectly, along with a bottle of Liebfraumilch; he followed that with an Apple Charlotte and a light savory dish, finishing with black coffee and a good old brandy—a simple and satisfying meal that left him in a great mood.

The George Fentimans lived in two ground-floor rooms with use of kitchen and bathroom in a semi-detached house with a blue and yellow fanlight over the door and Madras muslin over the windows. They were really furnished apartments, but the landlady always referred to them as a flat, because that meant that tenants had to do their own work and provide their own service. The house felt stuffy as Lord Peter entered it, because somebody was frying fish in oil at no great distance, and a slight unpleasantness was caused at the start by the fact that he had rung only once, thus bringing up the person in the basement, whereas a better-instructed caller would have rung twice, to indicate that he wanted the ground floor.

The George Fentimans lived in two ground-floor rooms with access to a kitchen and bathroom in a semi-detached house featuring a blue and yellow fanlight above the door and Madras muslin on the windows. They were essentially furnished apartments, but the landlady always called them a flat because it meant that tenants had to handle their own chores and provide their own services. The house felt stuffy as Lord Peter entered, since someone was frying fish in oil nearby, and there was a slight discomfort right away because he had only rung once, which brought up the person from the basement, whereas a more informed caller would have rung twice to indicate he wanted the ground floor.

Hearing explanations in the hall, George put his head out of the dining-room and said, "Oh! hullo!"

Hearing explanations in the hallway, George stuck his head out of the dining room and said, "Oh! Hey there!"

"Hullo," said Wimsey, trying to find room for his belongings on an overladen hat-stand, and eventually disposing of them on the handle of a perambulator. "Thought I'd just come and look you up. Hope I'm not in the way."

"Hey," said Wimsey, trying to find space for his stuff on an overloaded hat rack, and ultimately placing them on the handle of a stroller. "I thought I'd just stop by to see you. Hope I’m not a bother."

"Of course not. Jolly good of you to penetrate to this ghastly hole. Come in. Everything's in a beastly muddle as usual, but when you're poor you have to live like pigs. Sheila, here's Lord Peter Wimsey—you have met, haven't you?"

"Of course not. It's really nice of you to come into this awful place. Come in. Everything's a terrible mess as usual, but when you're broke, you have to live like this. Sheila, this is Lord Peter Wimsey—you two have met, right?"

"Yes, of course. How nice of you to come round. Have you had dinner?"

"Yes, of course. It's really nice of you to stop by. Have you eaten dinner?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Yep, thanks."

"Coffee?"

"Want some coffee?"

"No, thanks, really—I've only just had some."

"No, thanks, really—I just had some."

"Well," said George, "there's only whisky to offer you."

"Well," George said, "the only thing I have to offer is whisky."

"Later on, perhaps, thanks, old man. Not just now. I've had a brandy. Never mix grape and grain."

"Maybe later, thanks, old man. Not right now. I’ve had a brandy. Never mix wine and whiskey."

"Wise man," said George, his brow clearing, since as a matter of fact, there was no whisky nearer than the public-house, and acceptance would have meant six-and-six, at least, besides the exertion of fetching it.

"Wise man," George said, his frown lifting, since in reality, the nearest whisky was at the pub, and agreeing would have meant at least six and six, not to mention the effort of going to get it.

Sheila Fentiman drew an arm-chair forward, and herself sat down on a low pouffe. She was a woman of thirty-five or so, and would have been very good-looking but for an appearance of worry and ill-health that made her look older than her age.

Sheila Fentiman pulled an armchair closer and sat down on a low pouffe. She was about thirty-five and would have been very attractive if it weren't for a look of worry and poor health that made her seem older than she was.

"It's a miserable fire," said George, gloomily, "is this all the coal there is?"

"It's a terrible fire," George said glumly. "Is this all the coal we have?"

"I'm sorry," said Sheila, "she didn't fill it up properly this morning."

"I'm sorry," Sheila said, "she didn't fill it up right this morning."

"Well, why can't you see that she does? It's always happening. If the scuttle isn't absolutely empty she seems to think she needn't bother about filling it up."

"Well, why can't you see that she does? It keeps happening. If the scuttle isn't completely empty, she seems to think she doesn't need to worry about filling it up."

"I'll get some."

"I'll grab some."

"No, it's all right. I'll go. But you ought to tell her about it."

"No, it's fine. I'll go. But you should let her know about it."

"I will—I'm always telling her."

"I'm always telling her."

"The woman's no more sense than a hen. No—don't you go, Sheila—I won't have you carrying coal."

"The woman doesn't have any more sense than a chicken. No—don't go, Sheila—I won't let you carry coal."

"Nonsense," said his wife, rather acidly. "What a hypocrite you are, George. It's only because there's somebody here that you're so chivalrous all at once."

"Nonsense," his wife said sharply. "What a hypocrite you are, George. It's only because there’s someone here that you’re suddenly being so noble."

"Here, let me," said Wimsey, desperately, "I like fetching coal. Always loved coal as a kid. Anything grubby or noisy. Where is it? Lead me to it!"

"Here, let me," Wimsey said urgently, "I enjoy getting coal. I've always loved coal since I was a kid. I like anything messy or loud. Where is it? Show me the way!"

Mrs. Fentiman released the scuttle, for which George and Wimsey politely struggled. In the end they all went out together to the inconvenient bin in the back-yard, Wimsey quarrying the coal, George receiving it in the scuttle and the lady lighting them with a long candle, insecurely fixed in an enamel candle-stick several sizes too large.

Mrs. Fentiman let go of the coal scuttle, which George and Wimsey politely tried to manage. Eventually, they all went out together to the awkward bin in the backyard, with Wimsey digging out the coal, George catching it in the scuttle, and the lady lighting them with a long candle, precariously placed in an enamel candlestick that was several sizes too big.

"And tell Mrs. Crickett," said George, irritably sticking to his grievance, "that she must fill that scuttle up properly every day."

"And tell Mrs. Crickett," George said, irritably holding on to his complaint, "that she needs to fill that coal scuttle properly every day."

"I'll try. But she hates being spoken to. I'm always afraid she'll give warning."

"I'll give it a shot. But she hates being talked to. I'm always worried she'll snap."

"Well, there are other charwomen, I suppose?"

"Well, I guess there are other cleaning ladies, right?"

"Mrs. Crickett is very honest."

"Mrs. Crickett is really honest."

"I know; but that's not everything. You could easily find one if you took the trouble."

"I get that; but that’s not all. You could definitely find one if you put in some effort."

"Well, I'll see about it. But why don't you speak to Mrs. Crickett? I'm generally out before she gets here."

"Okay, I'll check on it. But why don't you talk to Mrs. Crickett? I usually leave before she arrives."

"Oh, yes, I know. You needn't keep on rubbing it in about your having to go out to work. You don't suppose I enjoy it, do you? Wimsey can tell you how I feel about it."

"Oh, yes, I know. You don’t need to keep reminding me about how you have to go out to work. You don’t think I enjoy it, do you? Wimsey can tell you how I really feel about it."

"Don't be so silly, George. Why is it, Lord Peter, that men are so cowardly about speaking to servants?"

"Don't be so ridiculous, George. Why is it, Lord Peter, that men are so afraid to talk to servants?"

"It's the woman's job to speak to servants," said George, "no business of mine."

"It's the woman's job to talk to the staff," said George, "not my responsibility."

"All right—I'll speak, and you'll have to put up with the consequences."

"Okay—I'll talk, and you'll have to deal with the consequences."

"There won't be any consequences, my dear, if you do it tactfully. I can't think why you want to make all this fuss."

"There won’t be any consequences, my dear, if you handle it carefully. I can’t understand why you want to cause all this commotion."

"Right-oh, I'll be as tactful as I can. You don't suffer from charladies, I suppose, Lord Peter?"

"Alright, I'll be as polite as possible. You don't have any issues with housekeepers, do you, Lord Peter?"

"Good lord, no!" interrupted George. "Wimsey lives decently. They don't know the dignified joys of hard-upness in Piccadilly."

"Good lord, no!" interrupted George. "Wimsey lives well. They don't know the respectable struggles of being broke in Piccadilly."

"I'm rather lucky," said Wimsey, with that apologetic air which seems forced on anybody accused of too much wealth. "I have an extraordinarily faithful and intelligent man who looks after me like a mother."

"I'm pretty lucky," said Wimsey, with that apologetic vibe that seems to come naturally to anyone accused of having too much money. "I have an incredibly loyal and smart guy who takes care of me like a mom."

"Daresay he knows when he's well off," said George, disagreeably.

"Dare I say he knows when he's doing well," said George, unkindly.

"I dunno. I believe Bunter would stick to me whatever happened. He was my N.C.O. during part of the War, and we went through some roughish bits together, and after the whole thing was over I hunted him up and took him on. He was in service before that, of course, but his former master was killed and the family broken up, so he was quite pleased to come along. I don't know what I should do without Bunter now."

"I don't know. I think Bunter would stay by my side no matter what. He was my N.C.O. during part of the War, and we went through some tough times together. After everything ended, I found him and brought him on board. He had served before that, but his former employer was killed and the family fell apart, so he was really happy to join me. I don't know what I would do without Bunter now."

"Is that the man who takes the photographs for you when you are on a crime-hunt?" suggested Sheila, hurriedly seizing on this, as she hoped, nonirritant topic.

"Is that the guy who takes your photos when you're out looking for criminals?" suggested Sheila, quickly grabbing onto this, what she hoped would be, a non-irritating topic.

"Yes. He's a great hand with a camera. Only drawback is that he's occasionally immured in the dark-room and I'm left to forage for myself. I've got a telephone extension through to him. 'Bunter?'—'Yes, my lord!'—'Where are my dress studs?'—'In the middle section of the third small right-hand drawer of the dressing-cabinet, my lord.'—'Bunter!'—'Yes, my lord.'—'Where have I put my cigarette case?'—'I fancy I observed it last on the piano, my lord.'—'Bunter!'—'Yes, my lord!'—'I've got into a muddle with my white tie.'—'Indeed, my lord?'—'Well, can't you do anything about it?'—'Excuse me, my lord, I am engaged in the development of a plate.'—'To hell with the plate!'—'Very good, my lord.'—'Bunter—stop—don't be precipitate—finish the plate and then come and tie my tie.'—'Certainly, my lord.' And then I have to sit about miserably till the infernal plate is fixed, or whatever it is. Perfect slave in my own house—that's what I am."

"Yes. He's really good with a camera. The only downside is that he's often stuck in the darkroom, and I'm left to fend for myself. I have a phone extension directly to him. 'Bunter?'—'Yes, my lord!'—'Where are my dress studs?'—'In the middle section of the third small right-hand drawer of the dressing cabinet, my lord.'—'Bunter!'—'Yes, my lord.'—'Where did I put my cigarette case?'—'I believe I saw it last on the piano, my lord.'—'Bunter!'—'Yes, my lord!'—'I've gotten confused with my white tie.'—'Really, my lord?'—'Well, can't you do something about it?'—'I'm sorry, my lord, but I'm busy developing a plate.'—'Forget the plate!'—'Of course, my lord.'—'Bunter—wait—don't rush—finish the plate and then come tie my tie.'—'Certainly, my lord.' And then I have to sit around unhappily until that annoying plate is done, or whatever it is. I'm a perfect servant in my own house—that’s what I am."

Sheila laughed.

Sheila chuckled.

"You look a very happy and well-treated slave. Are you investigating anything just now?"

"You look like a really happy and well-treated servant. Are you working on anything at the moment?"

"Yes. In fact—there you are again—Bunter has retired into photographic life for the evening. I haven't a roof to cover me. I have been wandering round like the what d'you call it bird, which has no feet——"

"Yes. In fact—there you are again—Bunter has settled in for the evening to focus on his photography. I have no place to stay. I’ve been wandering around like that bird, what do you call it, that has no feet——"

"I'm sorry you were driven to such desperation as to seek asylum in our poverty-stricken hovel," said George, with a sour laugh.

"I'm sorry you got so desperate that you had to seek refuge in our rundown place," George said with a sarcastic laugh.

Wimsey began to wish he had not come. Mrs. Fentiman looked vexed.

Wimsey started to regret his decision to come. Mrs. Fentiman looked annoyed.

"You needn't answer that," she said, with an effort to be light, "there is no answer."

"You don't need to answer that," she said, trying to sound casual, "there is no answer."

"I'll send it to Aunt Judit of 'Rosie's Weekly Bits'," said Wimsey. "A makes a remark to which there is no answer. What is B to do?"

"I'll send it to Aunt Judit of 'Rosie's Weekly Bits,'" said Wimsey. "A makes a comment that has no response. What is B supposed to do?"

"Sorry," said George, "my conversation doesn't seem to be up to standard. I'm forgetting all my civilized habits. You'd better go on and pay no attention to me."

"Sorry," George said, "my conversation isn't really up to par. I'm forgetting all my social skills. You should just go ahead and ignore me."

"What's the mystery on hand now?" asked Sheila, taking her husband at his word.

"What's the mystery we have now?" asked Sheila, believing her husband.

"Well, actually it's about this funny business of the old General's will," said Wimsey. "Murbles suggested I should have a look into the question of the survivorship."

"Well, it's really about this strange issue with the old General's will," said Wimsey. "Murbles thought I should check into the survivorship matter."

"Oh, do you think you can really get it settled?"

"Oh, do you really think you can sort it out?"

"I hope so very much. But it's a very fine-drawn business—may resolve itself into a matter of seconds. By the way, Fentiman, were you in the Bellona smoking-room at all during the morning of Armistice Day?"

"I really hope so. But it’s a very delicate situation—it could come down to just a matter of seconds. By the way, Fentiman, were you in the Bellona smoking room at all on the morning of Armistice Day?"

"So that's what you've come about. Why didn't you say so? No, I wasn't. And what's more, I don't know anything at all about it. And why that infuriating old hag of a Dormer woman couldn't make a decent, sensible will while she was about it, I don't know. Where was the sense of leaving all those wads of money to the old man, when she knew perfectly well he was liable to peg out at any moment. And then, if he did die, handing the whole lot over to the Dorland girl, who hasn't an atom of claim on it? She might have had the decency to think about Robert and us a bit."

"So that's what you're here for. Why didn't you just say it? No, I wasn't. And honestly, I don't know anything at all about it. I don't understand why that infuriating old hag, Mrs. Dormer, couldn't write a decent, sensible will while she had the chance. What was the logic in leaving all that money to the old man when she knew he could kick the bucket at any moment? And if he did die, giving everything to the Dorland girl, who has no claim to any of it? She could have at least considered Robert and us a bit."

"Considering how rude you were to her and Miss Dorland, George, I wonder she even left you the seven thousand."

"Given how rude you were to her and Miss Dorland, George, I’m surprised she even left you the seven thousand."

"What's seven thousand to her? Like a five-pound note to any ordinary person. An insult, I call it. I daresay I was rude to her, but I jolly well wasn't going to have her think I was sucking up to her for her money."

"What's seven thousand to her? Like a five-pound note to any regular person. I call it an insult. I might have been rude to her, but I definitely wasn't going to let her think I was kissing up to her for her money."

"How inconsistent you are, George. If you didn't want the money, why grumble about not getting it?"

"You're so inconsistent, George. If you didn't want the money, why complain about not getting it?"

"You're always putting me in the wrong. You know I don't mean that. I didn't want the money—but the Dorland girl was always hinting that I did, and I ticked her off. I didn't know anything about the confounded legacy, and I didn't want to. All I mean is, that if she did want to leave anything to Robert and me, she might have made it more than a rotten seven thousand apiece."

"You're always making me look bad. You know I didn't mean that. I didn't want the money—but the Dorland girl was always implying that I did, and I got her frustrated. I didn't know anything about the annoying inheritance, and I didn't want to. All I'm saying is, if she wanted to leave anything to Robert and me, she could have made it more than a lousy seven thousand each."

"Well! don't grumble at it. It would be uncommonly handy at the moment."

"Well! Don't complain about it. It would be really useful right now."

"I know—isn't that exactly what I'm saying? And now the old fool makes such a silly will that I don't know whether I'm to get it or not. I can't even lay hands on the old Governor's two thousand. I've got to sit here and twiddle my thumbs while Wimsey goes round with a tape measure and a tame photographer to see whether I'm entitled to my own grandfather's money!"

"I know—isn't that exactly what I'm saying? And now the old fool makes such a ridiculous will that I don't even know if I'm going to get anything. I can't even get my hands on the old Governor's two thousand. I have to sit here and do nothing while Wimsey goes around with a tape measure and a photographer to figure out if I'm entitled to my own grandfather's money!"

"I know it's frightfully trying, darling. But I expect it'll all come right soon. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for Dougal MacStewart."

"I know it's really tough, darling. But I believe it will all work out soon. It wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for Dougal MacStewart."

"Who's Dougal MacStewart?" inquired Wimsey, suddenly alert. "One of our old Scottish families, by the name. I fancy I have heard of him. Isn't he an obliging, helpful kind of chap, with a wealthy friend in the City?"

"Who’s Dougal MacStewart?" Wimsey asked, suddenly paying attention. "One of our old Scottish families, by the name. I think I’ve heard of him. Isn’t he a helpful kind of guy, with a rich friend in the City?"

"Frightfully obliging," said Sheila, grimly. "He simply forces his acquaintances on one. He——"

"Extremely accommodating," Sheila said, with a grim expression. "He just thrusts his acquaintances on you. He——"

"Shut up, Sheila," interrupted her husband, rudely. "Lord Peter doesn't want to know all the sordid details of our private affairs."

"Shut up, Sheila," her husband interrupted rudely. "Lord Peter doesn't want to hear all the dirty details of our private matters."

"Knowing Dougal," said Wimsey, "I daresay I could give a guess at them. Some time ago you had a kind offer of assistance from our friend MacStewart. You accepted it to the mild tune of—what was it?"

"Knowing Dougal," Wimsey said, "I bet I could take a guess. Some time back you got a kind offer for help from our friend MacStewart. You accepted it to the tune of—what was it?"

"Five hundred," said Sheila.

"Five hundred," Sheila said.

"Five hundred. Which turned out to be three-fifty in cash and the rest represented by a little honorarium to his friend in the City who advanced the money in so trustful a manner without security. When was that?"

"Five hundred. Which turned out to be three-fifty in cash and the rest was a small fee for his friend in the City who trusted him enough to lend the money without any collateral. When was that?"

"Three years ago—when I started that tea-shop in Kensington."

"Three years ago—when I opened that tea shop in Kensington."

"Ah, yes. And when you couldn't quite manage that sixty per cent per month or whatever it was, owing to trade depression, the friend in the City was obliging enough to add the interest to the principal, at great inconvenience to himself—and so forth. The MacStewart way is familiar to me. What's the demd total now, Fentiman, just out of curiosity?"

"Ah, yes. And when you couldn't quite hit that sixty percent a month or whatever it was, because of the economic downturn, the friend in the City was nice enough to add the interest to the principal, at great inconvenience to himself—and so on. I'm familiar with the MacStewart way. What's the total amount now, Fentiman, just out of curiosity?"

"Fifteen hundred by the thirtieth," growled George, "if you must know."

"Fifteen hundred by the thirtieth," grumbled George, "if you really want to know."

"I warned George—" began Sheila, unwisely.

"I warned George—" Sheila started, without thinking.

"Oh, you always know what's best! Anyhow, it was your tea business. I told you there was no money in it, but women always think they can run things on their own nowadays."

"Oh, you always know what's best! Anyway, it was your tea business. I told you there was no money in it, but women nowadays always think they can handle things on their own."

"I know, George. But it was MacStewart's interest that swallowed up the profits. You know I wanted you to borrow the money from Lady Dormer."

"I get it, George. But it was MacStewart's stake that took up the profits. You know I wanted you to borrow the money from Lady Dormer."

"Well, I wasn't going to, and that's flat. I told you so at the time."

"Well, I wasn’t going to, and that’s that. I told you that back then."

"Well, but look here," said Wimsey, "you're perfectly all right about MacStewart's fifteen hundred, anyway, whichever way the thing goes. If General Fentiman died before his sister, you get seven thousand; if he died after her, you're certain of his two thousand, by the will. Besides, your brother will no doubt make a reasonable arrangement about sharing the money he gets as residuary legatee. Why worry?"

"Well, look," Wimsey said, "you’re definitely in a good spot with MacStewart’s fifteen hundred, regardless of how things turn out. If General Fentiman passed away before his sister, you’ll get seven thousand; if he passed after her, you’re guaranteed his two thousand from the will. Plus, your brother will probably come up with a fair deal for sharing the money he receives as the residuary legatee. Why stress?"

"Why? Because here's this infernal legal rigamarole tying the thing up and hanging it out till God knows when, and I can't touch anything."

"Why? Because this frustrating legal process is holding everything up and dragging on indefinitely, and I can't do anything."

"I know, I know," said Wimsey, patiently, "but all you've got to do is to go to Murbles and get him to advance you the money on your expectations. You can't get away with less than two thousand, whatever happens, so he'll be perfectly ready to do it. In fact, he's more or less bound to settle your just debts for you, if he's asked."

"I get it, I get it," said Wimsey, with patience, "but all you need to do is go to Murbles and have him give you an advance on your expectations. You can't settle for less than two thousand, no matter what, so he's definitely going to be willing to do it. In fact, he's pretty much obligated to help pay off your legitimate debts if you ask."

"That's just what I've been telling you, George," said Mrs. Fentiman, eagerly.

"That's exactly what I've been saying, George," Mrs. Fentiman said eagerly.

"Of course, you would be always telling me things. You never make mistakes, do you? And suppose the thing goes into Court and we get let in for thousands of pounds in fees and things, Mrs. Clever, eh?"

"Of course, you would always be telling me things. You never make mistakes, do you? And what if this goes to court and we end up with thousands of pounds in fees and other costs, Mrs. Clever, huh?"

"I should leave it to your brother to go into Court, if necessary," said Wimsey, sensibly. "If he wins, he'll have plenty of cash for fees, and if he loses, you'll still have your seven thousand. You go to Murbles—he'll fix you up. Or, tell you what!——I'll get hold of friend MacStewart and see if I can't arrange to get the debt transferred to me. He won't consent, of course, if he knows it's me, but I can probably do it through Murbles. Then we'll threaten to fight him on the ground of extortionate interest and so on. We'll have some fun with it."

"I should let your brother go to court if it comes to that," said Wimsey practically. "If he wins, he’ll have plenty of money for fees, and if he loses, you’ll still have your seven thousand. You should go to Murbles—he’ll sort you out. Or how about this!—I’ll reach out to my friend MacStewart and see if I can arrange to have the debt transferred to me. He won’t agree, of course, if he knows it’s me, but I can probably manage it through Murbles. Then we’ll threaten to challenge him on the grounds of excessive interest and all that. We’ll have some fun with it."

"Dashed good of you, but I'd rather not, thanks."

"That's really nice of you, but I'd rather not, thanks."

"Just as you like. But anyway, go to Murbles. He'll get it squared up for you. Anyhow, I don't think there will be any litigation about the will. If we can't get to the bottom of the survivorship question, I should think you and Miss Dorland would be far better advised to come to a settlement out of Court. It would probably be the fairest way in any case. Why don't you?"

"Just do what you prefer. But anyway, head over to Murbles. He'll sort it out for you. Honestly, I don't think there will be any legal issues regarding the will. If we can't figure out the survivorship question, I believe you and Miss Dorland would be much better off coming to a settlement outside of court. It would probably be the fairest way regardless. Why don't you?"

"Why? Because the Dorland female wants her pound of flesh. That's why!"

"Why? Because the Dorland woman wants her due. That's why!"

"Does she? What kind of woman is she?"

"Does she? What type of woman is she?"

"One of these modern, Chelsea women. Ugly as sin and hard as nails. Paints things—ugly, skinny prostitutes with green bodies and no clothes on. I suppose she thinks if she can't be a success as a woman she'll be a half-baked intellectual. No wonder a man can't get a decent job these days with these hard-mouthed, cigarette-smoking females all over the place, pretending they're geniuses and business women and all the rest of it."

"One of those modern Chelsea women. Ugly as sin and tough as nails. She paints things—ugly, skinny prostitutes with green skin and no clothes on. I guess she thinks if she can't be a successful woman, she'll settle for being a wannabe intellectual. It's no wonder a guy can't find a decent job these days with these hard-faced, cigarette-smoking women everywhere, acting like they're geniuses and business moguls and all that."

"Oh, come, George! Miss Dorland isn't doing anybody out of a job; she couldn't just sit there all day being Lady Dormer's companion. What's the harm in her painting things?"

"Oh, come on, George! Miss Dorland isn't taking anyone's job; she couldn't just sit there all day being Lady Dormer's companion. What's wrong with her painting things?"

"Why couldn't she be a companion? In the old days, heaps of unmarried women were companions, and let me tell you, my dear girl, they had a much better time than they have now, with all this jazzing and short skirts and pretending to have careers. The modern girl hasn't a scrap of decent feeling or sentiment about her. Money—money and notoriety, that's all she's after. That's what we fought the war for—and that's what we've come back to!"

"Why couldn't she be a companion? Back in the day, plenty of unmarried women were companions, and let me tell you, my dear girl, they had a much better time than women do now, with all this flashy stuff and short skirts and pretending to have careers. The modern girl doesn’t have an ounce of decent feeling or sentiment left. It's all about money—money and fame, that’s all she wants. That’s what we fought the war for—and that’s what we’ve come back to!"

"George, do keep to the point. Miss Dorland doesn't jazz—"

"George, stay focused. Miss Dorland isn't into that—"

"I am keeping to the point. I'm talking about modern women. I don't say Miss Dorland in particular. But you will go taking everything personally. That's just like a woman. You can't argue about things in general—you always have to bring it down to some one little personal instance. You will sidetrack."

"I’m staying on topic. I’m talking about modern women. I’m not referring to Miss Dorland specifically. But you will take everything personally. That’s typical of a woman. You can’t discuss things in general—you always have to turn it into one tiny personal example. You’ll get distracted."

"I wasn't side-tracking. We started to talk about Miss Dorland."

"I wasn't getting off track. We began talking about Miss Dorland."

"You said a person couldn't just be somebody's companion, and I said that in the old days plenty of nice women were companions and had a jolly good time——"

"You said a person couldn't just be someone’s companion, and I said that in the past, a lot of nice women were companions and had a really good time——"

"I don't know about that."

"I'm not sure about that."

"Well, I do. They did. And they learned to be decent companions to their husbands, too. Not always flying off to offices and clubs and parties like they are now. And if you think men like that sort of thing, I can tell you candidly, my girl, they don't. They hate it."

"Well, I do. They did. And they learned to be good partners to their husbands, too. Not always rushing off to offices, clubs, and parties like they do now. And if you think men enjoy that kind of thing, I can tell you honestly, my girl, they don't. They can't stand it."

"Does it matter? I mean, one doesn't have to bother so much about husband-hunting to-day."

"Does it really matter? I mean, you don’t have to worry so much about finding a husband nowadays."

"Oh, no! Husbands don't matter at all, I suppose, to you advanced women. Any man will do, as long as he's got money——"

"Oh, no! Husbands don't matter at all, I guess, to you modern women. Any man will do, as long as he has money——"

"Why do you say 'you' advanced women? I didn't say I felt that way about it. I don't want to go out to work——"

"Why do you say 'you' advanced women? I didn't say I felt that way about it. I don't want to go out to work——"

"There you go. Taking everything to yourself. I know you don't want to work. I know it's only because of the damned rotten position I'm in. You needn't keep on about it. I know I'm a failure. Thank your stars, Wimsey, that when you marry you'll be able to support your wife."

"There you go. Taking everything on yourself. I know you don't want to work. I know it’s only because of the awful situation I’m in. You don’t need to keep going on about it. I know I'm a failure. Thank your lucky stars, Wimsey, that when you get married you’ll be able to support your wife."

"George, you've no business to speak like that. I didn't mean that at all. You said——"

"George, you shouldn't talk like that. I didn't mean it like that at all. You said——"

"I know what I said, but you took it all the wrong way. You always do. It's no good arguing with a woman. No—that's enough. For God's sake don't start all over again. I want a drink. Wimsey, you'll have a drink. Sheila, tell that girl of Mrs. Munns's to go round for half a bottle of Johnny Walker."

"I know what I said, but you misunderstood everything. You always do. There's no point in arguing with a woman. No—that’s enough. For heaven's sake, don’t start again. I need a drink. Wimsey, you’ll have a drink. Sheila, tell that girl from Mrs. Munns’s to go get half a bottle of Johnny Walker."

"Couldn't you get it yourself, dear? Mrs. Munns doesn't like us sending her girl. She was frightfully disagreeable last time."

"Can’t you get it yourself, dear? Mrs. Munns doesn’t like us sending her daughter. She was really unpleasant last time."

"How can I go? I've taken my boots off. You do make such a fuss about nothing. What does it matter if old Mother Munns does kick up a shindy? She can't eat you."

"How can I leave? I’ve taken my boots off. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. What does it matter if old Mother Munns makes a scene? She can’t hurt you."

"No," put in Wimsey. "But think of the corrupting influence of the jug-and-bottle department on Mrs. Munns's girl. I approve of Mrs. Munns. She has a motherly heart. I myself will be the St. George to rescue Mrs. Munns's girl from the Blue Dragon. Nothing shall stop me. No, don't bother to show me the way. I have a peculiar instinct about pubs. I can find one blindfold in a pea-souper with both hands tied behind me."

"No," Wimsey interjected. "But consider how the drinking culture affects Mrs. Munns's daughter. I support Mrs. Munns. She has a caring nature. I will be the St. George who saves Mrs. Munns's daughter from the Blue Dragon. Nothing will stop me. No, don't worry about showing me the way. I have a unique knack for finding pubs. I could locate one even blindfolded in a thick fog with my hands tied behind my back."

Mrs. Fentiman followed him to the front door.

Mrs. Fentiman walked with him to the front door.

"You mustn't mind what George says to-night. His tummy is feeling rotten and it makes him irritable. And it has been so worrying about this wretched money business."

"You shouldn’t take to heart what George says tonight. His stomach is upset, and it makes him grumpy. Plus, he’s been really stressed about this awful money situation."

"That's all right," said Wimsey. "I know exactly. You should see me when my tummy's upset. Took a young woman out the other night—lobster mayonnaise, meringues and sweet champagne—her choice—oh, lord!"

"That's fine," said Wimsey. "I totally get it. You should see me when my stomach's upset. Took a girl out the other night—lobster mayonnaise, meringues, and sweet champagne—her pick—oh, man!"

He made an eloquent grimace and departed in the direction of the public house.

He made a dramatic face and headed towards the bar.

When he returned, George Fentiman was standing on the doorstep.

When he got back, George Fentiman was standing on the doorstep.

"I say, Wimsey—I do apologize for being so bloody rude. It's my filthy temper. Rotten bad form. Sheila's gone up to bed in tears, poor kid. All my fault. If you knew how this damnable situation gets on my nerves—though I know there's no excuse...."

"I really apologize, Wimsey—I’m sorry for being so rude. It’s my terrible temper. Truly bad form. Sheila went to bed in tears, the poor thing. It’s all my fault. If you only knew how this awful situation gets under my skin—though I know there's no excuse...."

"'S quite all right," said Wimsey. "Cheer up. It'll all come out in the wash."

"'It's all good,' said Wimsey. 'Don't worry. It'll all work out in the end.'"

"My wife—" began George again.

"My wife—" George began again.

"She's damned fine, old man. But what it is, you both want a holiday."

"She's really something, old man. But the thing is, you both need a vacation."

"We do, badly. Well, never say die. I'll see Murbles, as you suggest, Wimsey."

"We do, poorly. But, never give up. I'll go see Murbles, as you recommend, Wimsey."

Bunter received his master that evening with a prim smirk of satisfaction.

Bunter greeted his boss that evening with a smug smile of satisfaction.

"Had a good day, Bunter?"

"Did you have a good day, Bunter?"

"Very gratifying indeed, I thank your lordship. The prints on the walking-stick are indubitably identical with those on the sheet of paper you gave me."

"Very satisfying indeed, thank you, my lord. The marks on the walking stick are definitely the same as those on the sheet of paper you gave me."

"They are, are they? That's something. I'll look at 'em to-morrow, Bunter—I've had a tiring evening."

"They are, huh? That's interesting. I'll check them out tomorrow, Bunter—I’ve had a long evening."


CHAPTER VIII

Lord Peter Leads Through Strength

Lord Peter Leads with Strength

At eleven o'clock the next morning, Lord Peter Wimsey, unobtrusively attired in a navy-blue suit and dark-gray tie, suitable for a house of mourning, presented himself at the late Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square.

At eleven o'clock the next morning, Lord Peter Wimsey, dressed discreetly in a navy-blue suit and dark gray tie, appropriate for a house of mourning, arrived at the late Lady Dormer's house in Portman Square.

"Is Miss Dorland at home?"

"Is Miss Dorland home?"

"I will inquire, sir."

"I'll ask, sir."

"Kindly give her my card and ask if she can spare me a few moments."

"Please give her my card and see if she can spare a few minutes for me."

"Certainly, my lord. Will your lordship be good enough to take a seat?"

"Of course, my lord. Would you please take a seat?"

The man departed, leaving his lordship to cool his heels in a tall, forbidding room, with long crimson curtains, a dark red carpet and mahogany furniture of repellent appearance. After an interval of nearly fifteen minutes, he reappeared, bearing a note upon a salver. It was briefly worded:

The man left, leaving his lord to wait in a tall, intimidating room, with long red curtains, a dark red carpet, and unattractive mahogany furniture. After about fifteen minutes, he came back, holding a note on a tray. It was short and to the point:

"Miss Dorland presents her compliments to Lord Peter Wimsey, and regrets that she is not able to grant him an interview. If, as she supposes, Lord Peter has come to see her as the representative of Major and Captain Fentiman, Miss Dorland requests that he will address himself to Mr. Pritchard, solicitor, of Lincoln's Inn, who is dealing, on her behalf, with all matters connected with the will of the late Lady Dormer."

"Miss Dorland sends her regards to Lord Peter Wimsey and regrets that she cannot meet with him. If, as she thinks, Lord Peter has come to see her as the representative of Major and Captain Fentiman, Miss Dorland asks that he reach out to Mr. Pritchard, solicitor at Lincoln's Inn, who is handling all matters related to the will of the late Lady Dormer on her behalf."

"Dear me," said Wimsey to himself, "this looks almost like a snub. Very good for me, no doubt. Now I wonder—" He read the note again. "Murbles must have been rather talkative. I suppose he told Pritchard he was putting me on to it. Very indiscreet of Murbles and not like him."

"Wow," Wimsey thought to himself, "this feels a bit like a snub. Probably good for me, I guess. Now I wonder—" He read the note again. "Murbles must have been quite chatty. I bet he mentioned to Pritchard that he was filling me in on it. That’s pretty indiscreet of Murbles and not really like him."

The servant still stood mutely by, with an air of almost violently disassociating himself from all commentary.

The servant still stood silently by, clearly wanting to distance himself from any comments.

"Thank you," said Wimsey. "Would you be good enough to say to Miss Dorland that I am greatly obliged to her for this information."

"Thank you," said Wimsey. "Could you please let Miss Dorland know that I really appreciate this information?"

"Very good, my lord."

"Very good, my lord."

"And perhaps you would kindly call me a taxi."

"And maybe you could please call me a taxi."

"Certainly, my lord."

"Of course, my lord."

Wimsey entered the taxi with all the dignity he could summon, and was taken to Lincoln's Inn.

Wimsey got into the taxi with as much dignity as he could muster and was driven to Lincoln's Inn.

Mr. Pritchard was nearly as remote and snubbing in his manner as Miss Dorland. He kept Lord Peter waiting for twenty minutes and received him glacially, in the presence of a beady-eyed clerk.

Mr. Pritchard was almost as distant and dismissive in his demeanor as Miss Dorland. He made Lord Peter wait for twenty minutes and greeted him coldly, with a sharp-eyed clerk present.

"Oh, good morning," said Wimsey, affably. "Excuse my callin' on you like this. More regular to do it through Murbles, I s'pose—nice old boy, Murbles, isn't he? But I always believe in goin' as direct to the point as may be. Saves time, what?"

"Oh, good morning," said Wimsey, casually. "Sorry for showing up unannounced like this. I guess it would be more proper to go through Murbles—he's a nice guy, isn't he? But I always think it’s better to get straight to the point. Saves time, right?"

Mr. Pritchard bowed his head and asked how he might have the pleasure of serving his lordship.

Mr. Pritchard lowered his head and asked how he could have the honor of serving his lordship.

"Well, it's about this Fentiman business. Survivorship and all that. Nearly said survival. Appropriate, what? You might call the old General a survival, eh?"

"Well, it's about this Fentiman situation. Survivorship and all that. Almost said survival. Fits, right? You could call the old General a survivor, huh?"

Mr. Pritchard waited without moving.

Mr. Pritchard waited still.

"I take it Murbles told you I was lookin' into the business, what? Tryin' to check up on the timetable and all that?"

"I take it Murbles told you I was looking into the business, right? Trying to check the timetable and everything?"

Mr. Pritchard said neither yea nor nay, but placed his fingers together and sat patiently.

Mr. Pritchard didn't say yes or no, but he put his fingers together and sat quietly.

"It's a bit of a problem, you know. Mind if I smoke? Have one yourself?"

"It's a bit of a problem, you know. Do you mind if I smoke? Want one yourself?"

"I am obliged to you, I never smoke in business hours."

"I appreciate it, I never smoke during work hours."

"Very proper. Much more impressive. Puts the wind up the clients, what? Well, now, I just thought I'd let you know that it's likely to be a close-ish thing. Very difficult to tell to a minute or so, don't you know. May turn out one way—may turn out the other—may turn completely bafflin' and all that. You get me?"

"Very proper. Much more impressive. It really gets the clients on edge, doesn’t it? Well, I just wanted to let you know that it’s likely to be pretty close. It’s very hard to pin down exactly, you know. It could go one way—could go the other—might even be completely confusing and all that. You get what I mean?"

"Indeed?"

"Really?"

"Oh, yes, absolutely. P'raps you'd like to hear how far I've got." And Wimsey recounted the history of his researches at the Bellona, in so far as the evidence of the commissionaires and the hall-porter were concerned. He said nothing of his interview with Penberthy, nor of the odd circumstances connected with the unknown Oliver, confining himself to stressing the narrowness of the time-limits between which the General must be presumed to have arrived at the Club. Mr. Pritchard listened without comment. Then he said:

"Oh, yes, definitely. Maybe you'd like to hear about my progress." Wimsey went over the details of his research at the Bellona, focusing on the testimonies from the commissionaires and the hall-porter. He didn't mention his conversation with Penberthy or the strange situation surrounding the unknown Oliver, instead emphasizing how tight the time frame was during which the General was believed to have arrived at the Club. Mr. Pritchard listened quietly. Then he said:

"And what, precisely, have you come to suggest?"

"And what exactly do you want to suggest?"

"Well, what I mean to say is, don't you know, wouldn't it be rather a good thing if the parties could be got to come to terms? Give and take, you see—split the doings and share the proceeds? After all, half a million's a goodish bit of money—quite enough for three people to live on in a quiet way, don't you think? And it would save an awful lot of trouble and—ahem—lawyers' fees and things."

"Well, what I mean is, don't you think it would be a good idea if the parties could come to an agreement? A little give and take, you know—splitting the actions and sharing the profits? After all, half a million is a decent amount of money—plenty for three people to live comfortably, don’t you think? Plus, it would save a ton of hassle and—uh—lawyers' fees and all that."

"Ah!" said Mr. Pritchard. "I may say that I have been expecting this. A similar suggestion was made to me earlier by Mr. Murbles, and I then told him that my client preferred not to entertain the idea. You will permit me to add, Lord Peter, that the reiteration of this proposal by you, after your employment to investigate the facts of the case in the interests of the other party, has a highly suggestive appearance. You will excuse me, perhaps, if I warn you further that your whole course of conduct in this matter seems to me open to a very undesirable construction."

"Ah!" said Mr. Pritchard. "I have to say I was expecting this. Earlier, Mr. Murbles also made a similar suggestion to me, and I told him that my client preferred not to consider the idea. If you don’t mind, Lord Peter, I’d like to point out that your reiteration of this proposal, after being hired to investigate the facts of the case for the other party, looks quite suspicious. Please forgive me if I caution you that your entire approach to this matter seems to me quite open to unpleasant interpretation."

Wimsey flushed.

Wimsey blushed.

"You will perhaps permit me, Mr. Pritchard, to inform you that I am not 'employed' by anybody. I have been requested by Mr. Murbles to ascertain the facts. They are rather difficult to ascertain, but I have learned one very important thing from you this afternoon. I am obliged to you for your assistance. Good morning."

"You might allow me, Mr. Pritchard, to let you know that I am not 'employed' by anyone. Mr. Murbles asked me to find out the facts. They’re quite hard to figure out, but I’ve learned something very important from you this afternoon. I appreciate your help. Good morning."

The beady-eyed clerk opened the door with immense politeness.

The clerk with beady eyes opened the door with great politeness.

"Good morning," said Mr. Pritchard.

"Good morning," said Mr. Pritchard.

"Employed, indeed," muttered his lordship, wrathfully. "Undesirable construction. I'll construct him. That old brute knows something, and if he knows something, that shows there's something to be known. Perhaps he knows Oliver; I shouldn't wonder. Wish I'd thought to spring the name on him and see what he said. Too late now. Never mind, we'll get Oliver. Bunter didn't have any luck with those 'phone calls, apparently. I think I'd better get hold of Charles."

"Employed, huh?" his lordship grumbled angrily. "Not a good idea. I'll deal with him. That old brute knows something, and if he knows something, it means there's something to find out. Maybe he knows Oliver; I wouldn't be surprised. I wish I had thought to drop that name and see his reaction. It's too late now. Never mind, we'll get Oliver. Bunter didn't have any luck with those phone calls, it seems. I think I should reach out to Charles."

He turned into the nearest telephone-booth and gave the number of Scotland Yard. Presently an official voice replied, of which Wimsey inquired whether Detective-Inspector Parker was available. A series of clicks proclaimed that he was being put through to Mr. Parker, who presently said: "Hullo!"

He stepped into the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Scotland Yard. Soon, an official voice answered, and Wimsey asked if Detective-Inspector Parker was available. A series of clicks indicated that he was being connected to Mr. Parker, who soon said, "Hello!"

"Hullo, Charles. This is Peter Wimsey. Look here, I want you to do something for me. It isn't a criminal job, but it's important. A man calling himself Oliver rang up a number in Mayfair at a little after nine on the night of November 10th. Do you think you could get that call traced for me?"

"Helloo, Charles. This is Peter Wimsey. Listen, I need you to do something for me. It's not a criminal job, but it's important. A guy calling himself Oliver called a number in Mayfair just after nine on the night of November 10th. Do you think you could trace that call for me?"

"Probably. What was the number?"

"Maybe. What was the number?"

Wimsey gave it.

Wimsey provided it.

"Right you are, old chap. I'll have it looked up and let you know. How goes it? Anything doing?"

"You're right, my friend. I'll look it up and let you know. How's it going? Anything happening?"

"Yes—rather a cozy little problem—nothing for you people—as far as I know, that is. Come round one evening and I'll tell you about it, unofficially."

"Yeah—it's a pretty cozy little issue—nothing for you folks—as far as I know, anyway. Come by one evening and I’ll fill you in on it, unofficially."

"Thanks very much. Not for a day or two, though. We're run off our feet with this crate business."

"Thanks a lot. But not for a day or two. We're really busy with this crate business."

"Oh, I know—the gentleman who was sent from Sheffield to Euston in a crate, disguised as York hams. Splendid. Work hard and you will be happy. No, thanks, my child, I don't want another twopenn'orth—I'm spending the money on sweets. Cheerio, Charles!"

"Oh, I know—the guy who was shipped from Sheffield to Euston in a crate, pretending to be York hams. Fantastic. Work hard and you'll be happy. No, thanks, kid, I don't want another two pence worth—I'm spending the money on candy. Bye, Charles!"

The rest of the day Wimsey was obliged to pass in idleness, so far as the Bellona Club affair was concerned. On the following morning he was rung up by Parker.

The rest of the day, Wimsey had to spend doing nothing, as far as the Bellona Club situation was concerned. The next morning, Parker called him.

"I say—that 'phone call you asked me to trace."

"I mean—that phone call you asked me to track."

"Yes?"

"Yeah?"

"It was put through at 9.13 P.M. from a public call-box at Charing Cross Underground Station."

"It was made at 9:13 PM from a public phone booth at Charing Cross Underground Station."

"Oh hell!—the operator didn't happen to notice the bloke, I suppose?"

"Oh no!—I guess the operator didn't notice the guy, right?"

"There isn't an operator. It's one of those automatic boxes."

"There isn't an operator. It's one of those automated machines."

"Oh!—may the fellow who invented them fry in oil. Thanks frightfully, all the same. It gives us a line on the direction, anyhow."

"Oh!—may the guy who invented them fry in oil. Thanks a lot, anyway. At least it gives us an idea of the direction."

"Sorry I couldn't do better for you. Cheerio!"

"Sorry I couldn't do better for you. Bye!"

"Oh, cheer-damnably-ho!" retorted Wimsey, crossly, slamming the receiver down. "What is it, Bunter?"

"Oh, damn it!" Wimsey shot back angrily, slamming the phone down. "What is it, Bunter?"

"A district messenger, with a note, my lord."

"A district messenger has arrived, carrying a note for you, my lord."

"Ah,—from Mr. Murbles. Good. This may be something. Yes. Tell the boy to wait, there's an answer." He scribbled quickly. "Mr. Murbles has got an answer to that cabman advertisement, Bunter. There are two men turning up at six o'clock, and I'm arranging to go down and interview them."

"Ah, from Mr. Murbles. Great. This could be important. Yes. Tell the boy to hang on, there's a response." He wrote hurriedly. "Mr. Murbles has replied to that cab driver ad, Bunter. Two guys are showing up at six o'clock, and I'm setting up to go down and interview them."

"Very good, my lord."

"Very good, my lord."

"Let's hope that means we get a move on. Get me my hat and coat—I'm running round to Dover Street for a moment."

"Let’s hope that means we can get going. Grab my hat and coat—I’m heading over to Dover Street for a bit."

Robert Fentiman was there when Wimsey called, and welcomed him heartily.

Robert Fentiman was there when Wimsey called and warmly welcomed him.

"Any progress?"

"Any updates?"

"Possibly a little this evening. I've got a line on those cabmen. I just came round to ask if you could let me have a specimen of old Fentiman's fist."

"Maybe just a bit this evening. I've got a lead on those cab drivers. I just stopped by to see if you could give me a sample of old Fentiman's handwriting."

"Certainly. Pick what you like. He hasn't left much about. Not exactly the pen of a ready writer. There are a few interesting notes of his early campaigns, but they're rather antiques by this time."

"Sure. Choose whatever you want. There isn't much left. It's not exactly the work of a prolific writer. There are some interesting notes from his early campaigns, but they feel pretty outdated by now."

"I'd rather have something quite recent."

"I'd prefer to have something more recent."

"There's a bundle of cancelled cheques here, if that would do."

"There's a stack of canceled checks here, if that helps."

"It would do particularly well—I want something with figures in it if possible. Many thanks. I'll take these."

"It would work really well—I’d like something with numbers in it if that’s possible. Thanks a lot. I’ll take these."

"How on earth is his handwriting going to tell you when he pegged out?"

"How on earth is his handwriting supposed to tell you when he died?"

"That's my secret, dash it all! Have you been down to Gatti's?"

"That's my secret, darn it! Have you been to Gatti's?"

"Yes. They seem to know Oliver fairly well by sight, but that's all. He lunched there fairly often, say once a week or so, but they don't remember seeing him since the eleventh. Perhaps he's keeping under cover. However, I'll haunt the place a bit and see if he turns up."

"Yeah. They seem to recognize Oliver pretty well, but that's about it. He used to eat there pretty often, maybe once a week or so, but they don’t recall seeing him since the eleventh. Maybe he's laying low. Anyway, I’ll hang around the place a bit and see if he shows up."

"I wish you would. His call came from a public box, so that line of inquiry peters out."

"I wish you would. His call came from a payphone, so that line of questioning goes nowhere."

"Oh, bad luck!"

"Oh, tough luck!"

"You've found no mention of him in any of the General's papers?"

"You didn't find any mention of him in any of the General's documents?"

"Not a thing, and I've gone through every bit and scrap of writing in the place. By the way, have you seen George lately?"

"Not a thing, and I've looked through every piece of writing in the place. By the way, have you seen George lately?"

"Night before last. Why?"

"Two nights ago. Why?"

"He seems to me to be in rather a queer state. I went around last night and he complained of being spied on or something."

"He seems to be in a pretty strange state to me. I went over last night, and he complained about being watched or something."

"Spied on?"

"Being watched?"

"Followed about. Watched. Like the blighters in the 'tec stories. Afraid all this business is getting on his nerves. I hope he doesn't go off his rocker or anything. It's bad enough for Sheila as it is. Decent little woman."

"Followed around. Watched. Like the characters in detective stories. I'm worried all this is getting to him. I hope he doesn’t lose it or anything. It's tough enough for Sheila as it is. She's a good woman."

"Thoroughly decent," agreed Wimsey, "and very fond of him."

"Really decent," Wimsey agreed, "and very fond of him."

"Yes. Works like Billy-oh to keep the home together and all that. Tell you the truth, I don't know how she puts up with George. Of course, married couples are always sparring and so on, but he ought to behave before other people. Dashed bad form, being rude to your wife in public. I'd like to give him a piece of my mind."

"Yeah. She really does a great job keeping the household together and all that. Honestly, I don’t know how she tolerates George. Sure, married couples often argue and everything, but he should act respectful in front of others. It’s really bad form to be rude to your wife in public. I’d like to tell him what I think."

"He's in a beastly galling position," said Wimsey. "She's his wife and she's got to keep him, and I know he feels it very much."

"He's in a really uncomfortable situation," said Wimsey. "She's his wife, and she has to support him, and I know he's really feeling it."

"Do you think so? Seems to me he takes it rather as a matter of course. And whenever the poor little woman reminds him of it, he thinks she's rubbing it in."

"Do you think so? It seems to me he takes it pretty much for granted. And whenever the poor little woman brings it up, he thinks she's just being annoying."

"Naturally, he hates being reminded of it. And I've heard Mrs. Fentiman say one or two sharp things to him."

"Of course, he hates being reminded of it. And I've heard Mrs. Fentiman say a few harsh things to him."

"I daresay. Trouble with George is, he can't control himself. He never could. A fellow ought to pull himself together and show a bit of gratitude. He seems to think that because Sheila has to work like a man she doesn't want the courtesy and—you know, tenderness and so on—that a woman ought to get."

"I have to say, the problem with George is that he can't control himself. He never could. A person should get it together and show some gratitude. He seems to think that just because Sheila has to work hard like a man, she doesn’t deserve the respect and—you know, kindness and all that—a woman should receive."

"It always gives me the pip," said Wimsey, "to see how rude people are when they're married. I suppose it's inevitable. Women are funny. They don't seem to care half so much about a man's being honest and faithful—and I'm sure your brother's all that—as for their opening doors and saying thank you. I've noticed it lots of times."

"It always annoys me," said Wimsey, "to see how rude people are when they're married. I guess it's unavoidable. Women are strange. They don't seem to care nearly as much about a man's honesty and loyalty—and I'm sure your brother is all that—as they do about him holding doors open and saying thank you. I've noticed it many times."

"A man ought to be just as courteous after marriage as he was before," declared Robert Fentiman, virtuously.

"A man should be just as polite after marriage as he was before," declared Robert Fentiman, virtuously.

"So he ought, but he never is. Possibly there's some reason we don't know about," said Wimsey. "I've asked people, you know—my usual inquisitiveness—and they generally just grunt and say that their wives are sensible and take their affection for granted. But I don't believe women ever get sensible, not even through prolonged association with their husbands."

"So he should, but he never does. Maybe there's some reason we're not aware of," said Wimsey. "I've asked people, you know—my usual curiosity—and they usually just grunt and say that their wives are practical and take their love for granted. But I don't think women ever become practical, not even after being with their husbands for a long time."

The two bachelors wagged their heads, solemnly.

The two bachelors shook their heads seriously.

"Well, I think George is behaving like a sweep," said Robert, "but perhaps I'm hard on him. We never did get on very well. And anyhow, I don't pretend to understand women. Still, this persecution-mania, or whatever it is, is another thing. He ought to see a doctor."

"Well, I think George is acting like a jerk," said Robert, "but maybe I'm being too tough on him. We never really got along. And anyway, I don’t claim to understand women. Still, this obsession or whatever it is, is something else. He should see a doctor."

"He certainly ought. We must keep an eye on him. If I see him at the Bellona I'll have a talk to him and try and get out of him what it's all about."

"He definitely should. We need to keep an eye on him. If I see him at the Bellona, I'll talk to him and try to figure out what's going on."

"You won't find him at the Bellona. He's avoided it since all this unpleasantness started. I think he's out hunting for jobs. He said something about one of those motor people in Great Portland Street wanting a salesman. He can handle a car pretty well, you know."

"You won’t find him at the Bellona. He’s been staying away since all this mess started. I think he’s out looking for jobs. He mentioned something about one of those car companies on Great Portland Street needing a salesman. He knows his way around a car pretty well, you know."

"I hope he gets it. Even if it doesn't pay very well it would do him a world of good to have something to do with himself. Well, I'd better be amblin' off. Many thanks, and let me know if you get hold of Oliver."

"I hope he understands. Even if it doesn’t pay much, it would be really beneficial for him to have something to occupy his time. Anyway, I should be on my way. Thanks a lot, and let me know if you hear from Oliver."

"Oh, rather!"

"Oh, definitely!"

Wimsey considered a few moments on the doorstep, and then drove straight down to New Scotland Yard, where he was soon ushered in to Detective-Inspector Parker's office.

Wimsey thought for a moment on the doorstep and then drove straight down to New Scotland Yard, where he was quickly shown into Detective-Inspector Parker's office.

Parker, a square-built man in the late thirties, with the nondescript features which lend themselves so excellently to detective purposes, was possibly Lord Peter's most intimate—in some ways his only intimate friend. The two men had worked out many cases together and each respected the other's qualities, though no two characters could have been more widely different. Wimsey was the Roland of the combination—quick, impulsive, careless and an artistic jack-of-all-trades. Parker was the Oliver—cautious, solid, painstaking, his mind a blank to art and literature and exercising itself, in spare moments, with Evangelical theology. He was the one person who was never irritated by Wimsey's mannerisms, and Wimsey repaid him with a genuine affection foreign to his usually detached nature.

Parker, a sturdy man in his late thirties, with nondescript features perfect for detective work, was probably Lord Peter's closest friend—in some ways, his only close friend. The two men had solved many cases together and each respected the other's strengths, even though their personalities were completely different. Wimsey was the bold one—quick, impulsive, careless, and skilled in various arts. Parker was the steady one—cautious, solid, meticulous, uninterested in art and literature, and spending his free time on Evangelical theology. He was the only person who was never annoyed by Wimsey's quirks, and Wimsey showed him genuine affection, which was rare for his usually detached personality.

"Well, how goes it?"

"How's it going?"

"Not so bad. I want you to do something for me."

"Not too bad. I need you to do something for me."

"Not really?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, really, blast your eyes. Did you ever know me when I didn't? I want you to get hold of one of your handwriting experts to tell me if these two fists are the same."

"Yeah, seriously, damn it to hell. Did you ever know me when I didn’t? I want you to get one of your handwriting experts to tell me if these two fists are the same."

He put on the table, on the one hand the bundle of used cheques, and on the other the sheet of paper he had taken from the library at the Bellona Club.

He placed on the table, on one side the stack of used checks, and on the other the piece of paper he had taken from the library at the Bellona Club.

Parker raised his eyebrows.

Parker raised his eyebrows.

"That's a very pretty set of finger-prints you've been pulling up there. What is it? Forgery?"

"Those are some really nice fingerprints you've been collecting up there. What is it? Forgery?"

"No, nothing of that sort. I just want to know whether the same bloke who wrote these cheques made the notes too."

"No, nothing like that. I just want to find out if the same guy who wrote these checks also wrote the notes."

Parker rang a bell, and requested the attendance of Mr. Collins.

Parker rang a bell and asked for Mr. Collins to come.

"Nice fat sums involved, from the looks of it," he went on, scanning the sheet of notes appreciatively. "£150,000 to R., £300,000 to G.—lucky G.—who's G? £20,000 here and £50,000 there. Who's your rich friend, Peter?"

"Looks like some nice big amounts here," he continued, looking over the notes with approval. "£150,000 to R., £300,000 to G.—lucky G. Who's G? £20,000 here and £50,000 there. Who’s your wealthy friend, Peter?"

"It's that long story I was going to tell you about when you'd finished your crate problem."

"It's that long story I was going to share with you once you finished dealing with your crate situation."

"Oh, is it? Then I'll make a point of solving the crate without delay. As a matter of fact, I'm rather expecting to hear something about it before long. That's why I'm here, dancing attendance on the 'phone. Oh, Collins, this is Lord Peter Wimsey, who wants very much to know whether these two handwritings are the same."

"Oh, really? Then I'll make it a priority to sort out the crate right away. In fact, I expect to hear something about it soon. That’s why I’m here, waiting by the phone. Oh, Collins, this is Lord Peter Wimsey, and he really wants to know if these two handwriting samples are the same."

The expert took up the paper and the cheques and looked them over attentively.

The expert picked up the paper and the checks and examined them closely.

"Not a doubt about it, I should say, unless the forgery has been astonishingly well done. Some of the figures, especially, are highly characteristic. The fives, for instance and the threes, and the fours, made all of a piece with the two little loops. It's a very old-fashioned handwriting, and made by a very old man, in not too-good health, especially this sheet of notes. Is that the old Fentiman who died the other day?"

"There's no doubt about it, I should say, unless the forgery is incredibly well done. Some of the details, especially, are very distinctive. The fives, for example, and the threes, and the fours, all have the same little loops. It's a very old-fashioned handwriting, created by a very old man who isn't in great health, especially this sheet of notes. Is that the old Fentiman who passed away the other day?"

"Well, it is, but you needn't shout about it. It's just a private matter."

"Well, it is, but you don't need to shout about it. It's just a private matter."

"Just so. Well, I should say you need have no doubt about the authenticity of that bit of paper, if that's what you are thinking of."

"Exactly. Well, I should say you don't need to worry about the authenticity of that piece of paper, if that's what you're thinking."

"Thanks. That's precisely what I do want to know. I don't think there's the slightest question of forgery or anything. In fact, it was just whether we could look on these rough notes as a guide to his wishes. Nothing more."

"Thanks. That's exactly what I want to know. I don't think there's any question of forgery or anything like that. Actually, it was just about whether we could consider these rough notes as a guide to his wishes. Nothing more."

"Oh, yes, if you rule out forgery, I'd answer for it any day that the same person wrote all these cheques and the notes."

"Oh, absolutely, if you exclude forgery, I’d bet any day that the same person wrote all these checks and the notes."

"That's fine. That checks up the results of the finger-print test too. I don't mind telling you, Charles," he added, when Collins had departed, "that this case is getting damned interesting."

"That's fine. That confirms the results of the fingerprint test too. I don’t mind telling you, Charles," he added, after Collins had left, "that this case is getting really interesting."

At this point the telephone rang, and Parker, after listening for some time, ejaculated "Good work!" and then, turning to Wimsey,

At this point, the phone rang, and Parker, after listening for a while, exclaimed, "Great job!" and then, turning to Wimsey,

"That's our man. They've got him. Excuse me if I rush off. Between you and me, we've pulled this off rather well. It may mean rather a big thing for me. Sure we can't do anything else for you? Because I've got to get to Sheffield. See you to-morrow or next day."

"That's our guy. They've got him. Sorry if I have to run. Between you and me, we've handled this pretty well. It could mean something really significant for me. Are you sure there's nothing else we can do for you? Because I've got to head to Sheffield. See you tomorrow or the day after."

He caught up his coat and hat and was gone. Wimsey made his own way out and sat for a long time at home, with Bunter's photographs of the Bellona Club before him, thinking.

He grabbed his coat and hat and left. Wimsey made his own way out and sat at home for a long time, looking at Bunter's photographs of the Bellona Club, deep in thought.

At six o'clock, he presented himself at Mr. Murbles' Chambers in Staple Inn. The two taxi-drivers had already arrived and were seated, well on the edges of their chairs, politely taking old sherry with the solicitor.

At six o'clock, he arrived at Mr. Murbles' office in Staple Inn. The two taxi drivers were already there, sitting on the edge of their chairs, politely sipping old sherry with the solicitor.

"Ah!" said Mr. Murbles, "this is a gentleman who is interested in the inquiry we are making. Perhaps you would have the goodness to repeat to him what you have already told me. I have ascertained enough," he added, turning to Wimsey, "to feel sure that these are the right drivers, but I should like you to put any questions you wish yourself. This gentleman's name is Swain, and his story should come first, I think."

"Ah!" said Mr. Murbles, "this is a gentleman who is interested in the inquiry we're conducting. Could you please repeat to him what you already told me? I've gathered enough," he added, turning to Wimsey, "to be confident that these are the right drivers, but I would like you to ask any questions you have yourself. This gentleman's name is Swain, and I think his story should come first."

"Well, sir," said Mr. Swain, a stout man of the older type of driver, "you are wanting to know if anybody picked up an old gent in Portman Square the day before Armistice Day rahnd abaht the afternoon. Well, sir, I was goin' slow through the Square at 'arf-past four, or it might be a quarter to five on that 'ere day, when a footman comes out of a 'ouse—I couldn't say the number for certain, but it was on the east side of the Square as might be abaht the middle—and 'e makes a sign for me to stop. So I draws up, and presently a very old gent comes out. Very thin, 'e was, an' muffled up, but I see 'is legs and they was very thin and 'e looked abaht a 'undred an' two by 'is face, and walked with a stick. 'E was upright, for such a very old gent, but 'e moved slow and rather feeble. An old milingtary gent, I thought 'e might be—'e 'ad that way of speakin', if you understand me, sir. So the footman tells me to drive 'im to a number in 'Arley Street."

"Well, sir," said Mr. Swain, a stout man from the older generation of drivers, "you want to know if anyone picked up an old gentleman in Portman Square the day before Armistice Day around the afternoon. Well, sir, I was going slow through the Square at about 4:30, or it might have been a quarter to 5 on that day, when a footman came out of a house—I couldn't say the number for sure, but it was on the east side of the Square, probably around the middle—and he signaled for me to stop. So I pulled up, and eventually, a very old gent came out. He was very thin and bundled up, but I saw his legs, and they were quite thin, and he looked about a hundred and two from his face, and walked with a cane. He stood upright for such an old gent, but he moved slowly and seemed a bit frail. I thought he might be an old military gentleman—he had that way of speaking, if you know what I mean, sir. So the footman tells me to drive him to a number on Harley Street."

"Do you remember it?"

"Do you remember?"

Swain mentioned a number which Wimsey recognized as Penberthy's.

Swain mentioned a number that Wimsey recognized as Penberthy's.

"So I drives 'im there. And 'e asks me to ring the bell for 'im, and when the young man comes to the door to ask if the doctor could please see General Fenton, or Fennimore or some such name, sir."

"So I drive him there. And he asks me to ring the bell for him, and when the young man comes to the door to ask if the doctor could please see General Fenton, or Fennimore or some name like that, sir."

"Was it Fentiman, do you think?"

"Do you think it was Fentiman?"

"Well, yes, it might 'ave been Fentiman. I think it was. So the young man comes back and says, yes, certingly, so I 'elps the old gent aht. Very faint, 'e seemed, and a very bad color, sir, breathin' 'eavy and blue-like abaht the lips. Pore old b..., I thinks, beggin' yer pardon, sir, 'e won't be 'ere long, I thinks. So we 'elps him up the steps into the 'ouse and 'e gives me my fare and a shilling for myself, and that's the last I see of 'im, sir."

"Well, yeah, it might have been Fentiman. I think it was. So the young man comes back and says, yes, definitely, so I help the old gentleman out. He seemed really weak and had a terrible color, sir, breathing heavily and his lips were kind of blue. Poor old guy, I thought, sorry for saying this, sir, he won't be around much longer, I thought. So we helped him up the steps into the house and he gives me my fare and a shilling for myself, and that's the last I saw of him, sir."

"That fits in all right with what Penberthy said," agreed Wimsey. "The General felt the strain of his interview with his sister and went straight round to see him. Right. Now how about this other part of the business?"

"That makes sense with what Penberthy mentioned," Wimsey said. "The General was feeling the pressure from his talk with his sister and went straight to see him. All right. Now, what about this other part of the situation?"

"Well," said Mr. Murbles, "I think this gentleman, whose name is—let me see—Hinkins—yes. I think Mr. Hinkins picked up the General when he left Harley Street."

"Well," said Mr. Murbles, "I believe this gentleman, whose name is—let me think—Hinkins—yes. I believe Mr. Hinkins picked up the General when he left Harley Street."

"Yes, sir," agreed the other driver, a smartish-looking man with a keen profile and a sharp eye. "A very old gentleman, like what we've 'eard described, took my taxi at this same number in 'Arley Street at 'alf past five. I remember the day very well, sir; November 10th it was, and I remember it because, after I done taking him where I'm telling you, my magneto started to give trouble, and I didn't 'ave the use of the 'bus on Armistice Day, which was a great loss to me, because that's a good day as a rule. Well, this old military gentleman gets in, with his stick and all, just as Swain says, only I didn't notice him looking particular ill, though I see he was pretty old. Maybe the doctor would have given him something to make him better."

"Yes, sir," agreed the other driver, a well-dressed man with a sharp profile and keen eyes. "An elderly gentleman, just like we've heard described, took my taxi at this same number on Harley Street at half past five. I remember that day very well, sir; it was November 10th, and I recall it because after I dropped him off, my magneto started acting up, and I couldn't use the bus on Armistice Day, which was a big loss for me since it's usually a good day. So, this old military gentleman gets in, with his cane and everything, just as Swain said, but I didn't notice him looking particularly ill, even though he was definitely quite old. Maybe the doctor gave him something to help him feel better."

"Very likely," said Mr. Murbles.

"Most likely," said Mr. Murbles.

"Yes, sir. Well, he gets in, and he says, 'Take me to Dover Street,' he says, but if you was to ask me the number, sir, I'm afraid I don't rightly remember, because, you see, we never went there after all."

"Yes, sir. So he gets in and says, 'Take me to Dover Street,' but if you asked me the number, sir, I’m afraid I don’t really remember because, you see, we never actually went there."

"Never went there?" cried Wimsey.

"Never been there?" cried Wimsey.

"No, sir. Just as we was comin' out into Cavendish Square, the old gentleman puts his head out and says, 'Stop!' So I stops, and I see him wavin' his hand to a gentleman on the pavement. So this other one comes up, and they has a few words together and then the old——"

"No, sir. Just as we were coming out into Cavendish Square, the old gentleman sticks his head out and says, 'Stop!' So I stop, and I see him waving his hand to a man on the sidewalk. Then this other guy comes over, and they have a quick chat, and then the old—"

"One moment. What was this other man like?"

"Just a second. What was this other guy like?"

"Dark and thin, sir, and looked about forty. He had on a gray suit and overcoat and a soft hat, with a dark handkerchief round his throat. Oh, yes, and he had a small black mustache. So the old gentleman says, 'Cabman,' he says, just like that, 'cabman, go back up to Regent's Park and drive round till I tell you to stop.' So the other gentleman gets in with him, and I goes back and drives round the Park, quiet-like, because I guessed they wanted to 'ave a bit of a talk. So I goes twice round, and as we was going round the third time, the younger gentleman sticks 'is 'ed out and says, 'Put me down at Gloucester Gate.' So I puts him down there, and the old gentleman says, 'Good-bye, George, bear in mind what I have said.' So the gentleman says, 'I will, sir,' and I see him cross the road, like as if he might be going up Park Street."

"Dark and thin, sir, and looking about forty. He was wearing a gray suit and overcoat and a soft hat, with a dark handkerchief around his neck. Oh, and he had a small black mustache. So the older gentleman says, ‘Cab driver,’ he says, just like that, ‘cab driver, go back up to Regent's Park and drive around until I tell you to stop.’ So the other gentleman gets in with him, and I go back and drive around the Park, quietly, because I figured they wanted to have a bit of a talk. I go around twice, and as we were going around the third time, the younger gentleman sticks his head out and says, ‘Drop me off at Gloucester Gate.’ So I let him out there, and the older gentleman says, ‘Goodbye, George, remember what I have said.’ So the gentleman says, ‘I will, sir,’ and I see him cross the road as if he was going up Park Street."

Mr. Murbles and Wimsey exchanged glances.

Mr. Murbles and Wimsey exchanged looks.

"And then where did you go?"

"And then where did you go?"

"Then, sir, the fare says to me, 'Do you know the Bellona Club in Piccadilly?' he says. So I says, 'Yes, sir.'"

"Then, sir, the guy says to me, 'Do you know the Bellona Club in Piccadilly?' So I say, 'Yes, sir.'"

"The Bellona Club?"

"The Bellona Club?"

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"What time was that?"

"What time is it?"

"It might be getting on for half-past six, sir. I'd been driving very slow, as I tells you, sir. So I takes him to the Club, like he said, and in he goes, and that's the last I see of him, sir."

"It was probably around half-past six, sir. I was driving really slowly, as I mentioned, sir. So I took him to the Club, like he asked, and he went inside, and that's the last I saw of him, sir."

"Thanks very much," said Wimsey. "Did he seem to be at all upset or agitated when he was talking to the man he called George?"

"Thanks a lot," said Wimsey. "Did he seem upset or agitated at all when he was talking to the guy he called George?"

"No, sir, I couldn't say that. But I thought he spoke a bit sharp-like. What you might call telling him off, sir."

"No, sir, I can't say that. But I thought he sounded a bit harsh. What you might call giving him a telling off, sir."

"I see. What time did you get to the Bellona?"

"I get it. What time did you arrive at the Bellona?"

"I should reckon it was about twenty minutes to seven, sir, or just a little bit more. There was a tidy bit of traffic about. Between twenty and ten to seven, as near as I can recollect."

"I would say it was around twenty minutes to seven, sir, or maybe just a bit later. There was a fair amount of traffic. It was between twenty and ten to seven, as far as I can remember."

"Excellent. Well, you have both been very helpful. That will be all to-day, but I'd like you to leave your names and addresses with Mr. Murbles, in case we might want some sort of a statement from either of you later on. And—er——"

"Great. Well, you’ve both been really helpful. That’ll be all for today, but I’d like you to leave your names and addresses with Mr. Murbles in case we need a statement from either of you later. And—uh—"

A couple of Treasury notes crackled. Mr. Swain and Mr. Hinkins made suitable acknowledgment and departed, leaving their addresses behind them.

A couple of Treasury notes rustled. Mr. Swain and Mr. Hinkins acknowledged it appropriately and left, leaving their addresses behind.

"So he went back to the Bellona Club. I wonder what for?"

"So he went back to the Bellona Club. I wonder why?"

"I think I know," said Wimsey. "He was accustomed to do any writing or business there, and I fancy he went back to put down some notes as to what he meant to do with the money his sister was leaving him. Look at this sheet of paper, sir. That's the General's handwriting, as I've proved this afternoon, and those are his finger-prints. And the initials R and G probably stand for Robert and George, and these figures for the various sums he means to leave them."

"I think I know," said Wimsey. "He used to do all his writing or business there, and I suspect he went back to jot down some notes about what he intended to do with the money his sister was leaving him. Look at this sheet of paper, sir. That's the General's handwriting, as I've confirmed this afternoon, and those are his fingerprints. And the initials R and G likely stand for Robert and George, with these numbers representing the different amounts he plans to leave them."

"That appears quite probable. Where did you find this?"

"That seems really likely. Where did you come across this?"

"In the end bay of the library at the Bellona, sir, tucked inside the blotting-paper."

"In the end bay of the library at the Bellona, sir, tucked inside the blotting paper."

"The writing is very weak and straggly."

"The writing is really weak and disorganized."

"Yes—quite tails off, doesn't it. As though he had come over faint and couldn't go on. Or perhaps he was only tired. I must go down and find out if anybody saw him there that evening. But Oliver, curse him! is the man who knows. If only we could get hold of Oliver."

"Yeah—it really just trails off, doesn’t it? Like he got faint and couldn’t continue. Or maybe he was just tired. I need to go down and see if anyone noticed him that evening. But Oliver, damn him! is the one who knows. If only we could get to Oliver."

"We've had no answer to our third question in the advertisement. I've had letters from several drivers who took old gentlemen to the Bellona that morning, but none of them corresponds with the General. Some had check overcoats, and some had whiskers and some had bowler hats or beards—whereas the General was never seen without his silk hat and had, of course, his old-fashioned long military mustache."

"We haven't received a reply to our third question in the ad. I've gotten letters from several drivers who took older gentlemen to the Bellona that morning, but none match the General. Some wore checkered overcoats, some had beards, and some had bowler hats—while the General was never seen without his silk hat and, of course, had his old-fashioned long military mustache."

"I wasn't hoping for very much from that. We might put in another ad. in case anybody picked him up from the Bellona on the evening or night of the 10th, but I've got a feeling that this infernal Oliver probably took him away in his own car. If all else fails, we'll have to get Scotland Yard on to Oliver."

"I wasn't expecting much from that. We might run another ad just in case someone saw him getting picked up from the Bellona on the evening or night of the 10th, but I have a feeling that this cursed Oliver probably took him away in his own car. If nothing else works, we'll have to get Scotland Yard onto Oliver."

"Make careful inquiries at the Club, Lord Peter. It now becomes more than possible that somebody saw Oliver there and noticed them leaving together."

"Check with the Club, Lord Peter. It’s now quite likely that someone saw Oliver there and noticed them leaving together."

"Of course. I'll go along there at once. And I'll put the advertisement in as well. I don't think we'll rope in the B.B.C. It is so confoundedly public."

"Sure thing. I'll head over there right away. And I'll also take care of the advertisement. I don't think we'll get the B.B.C. involved. It's just too damn public."

"That," said Mr. Murbles, with a look of horror, "would be most undesirable."

"That," said Mr. Murbles, with a look of horror, "would be very undesirable."

Wimsey rose to go. The solicitor caught him at the door.

Wimsey stood up to leave. The lawyer stopped him at the door.

"Another thing we ought really to know," he said, "is what General Fentiman was saying to Captain George."

"Another thing we should definitely know," he said, "is what General Fentiman was telling Captain George."

"I've not forgotten that," said Wimsey, a little uneasily. "We shall have—oh, yes—certainly—of course, we shall have to know that."

"I haven't forgotten that," Wimsey said, a bit nervously. "We'll definitely need to know that."


CHAPTER IX

Knave High

Knave High School

"Look here, Wimsey," said Captain Culyer of the Bellona Club, "aren't you ever going to get finished with this investigation or whatever it is? The members are complaining, really they are, and I can't blame them. They find your everlasting questions an intolerable nuisance, old boy, and I can't stop them from thinking there must be something behind it. People complain that they can't get attention from the porters or the waiters because you're everlastingly there chatting, and if you're not there, you're hanging round the bar, eavesdropping. If this is your way of conducting an inquiry tactfully, I wish you'd do it tactlessly. It's becoming thoroughly unpleasant. And no sooner do you stop it, than the other fellow begins."

"Look, Wimsey," said Captain Culyer from the Bellona Club, "are you ever going to wrap up this investigation or whatever you’re doing? The members are really starting to complain, and I can’t blame them. They think your endless questions are an absolute nuisance, and I can’t stop them from thinking there must be something behind all this. People are saying they can't get any help from the porters or waiters because you’re always there chatting, and if you’re not there, you’re hanging around the bar, eavesdropping. If this is how you think inquiries should be done subtly, I wish you’d just be blunt about it. It’s getting really uncomfortable. And just when you take a break, the next guy starts up."

"What other fellow?"

"Which other guy?"

"That nasty little skulking bloke who's always turning up at the service door and questioning the staff."

"That unpleasant guy who’s always lurking at the service entrance and bothering the staff."

"I don't know anything about him," replied Wimsey, "I never heard of him. I'm sorry I'm being a bore and all that, though I swear I couldn't be worse than some of your other choice specimens in that line, but I've hit a snag. This business—quite in your ear, old bean—isn't as straightforward as it looks on the surface. That fellow Oliver whom I mentioned to you——"

"I don't know anything about him," replied Wimsey, "I've never heard of him. I'm sorry if I'm being a bore and all that, but I promise I couldn't be worse than some of your other choices in that regard. However, I've hit a snag. This situation—just between us, my friend—isn't as straightforward as it seems. That guy Oliver I mentioned to you——"

"He's not known here, Wimsey."

"He's not well-known here, Wimsey."

"No, but he may have been here."

"No, but he might have been here."

"If nobody saw him, he can't have been here."

"If no one saw him, he can't have been here."

"Well, then, where did General Fentiman go to when he left? And when he did leave? That's what I want to know. Dash it all, Culyer, the old boy's a landmark. We know he came back here on the evening of the 10th—the driver brought him to the door, Rogers saw him come in and two members noticed him in the smoking-room just before seven. I have a certain amount of evidence that he went into the library. And he can't have stayed long, because he had his outdoor things with him. Somebody must have seen him leave. It's ridiculous. The servants aren't all blind. I don't like to say it, Culyer, but I can't help thinking that somebody has been bribed to hold his tongue.... Of course, I knew that would annoy you, but how can you account for it? Who's this fellow you say has been hangin' round the kitchen?"

"Well, then, where did General Fentiman go when he left? And when did he leave? That's what I want to know. Honestly, Culyer, the old guy's a landmark. We know he came back here on the evening of the 10th—the driver dropped him off at the door, Rogers saw him come in, and two members spotted him in the smoking room just before seven. I have some evidence that he went into the library. He can’t have stayed long because he had his outdoor clothes with him. Someone *must* have seen him leave. It's ridiculous. The staff aren't all blind. I don't want to say it, Culyer, but I can't help thinking that someone has been bribed to keep quiet... Of course, I knew that would upset you, but how do you explain it? Who’s this guy you say has been hanging around the kitchen?"

"I came across him one morning when I'd been down to see about the wine. By the way, there's a case of Margaux come in which I'd like your opinion on some day. The fellow was talking to Babcock, the wine steward, and I asked him pretty sharply what he wanted. He thanked me, and said he had come from the railway to inquire after a packing-case that had gone astray, but Babcock, who is a very decent fellow, told me afterwards that he had been working the pump-handle about old Fentiman, and I gathered he had been pretty liberal with his cash. I thought you were up to your tricks again."

"I ran into him one morning when I was checking on the wine. By the way, there’s a case of Margaux that just came in, and I’d love your opinion on it sometime. The guy was chatting with Babcock, the wine steward, and I asked him pretty sharply what he wanted. He thanked me and said he had come from the railway to ask about a packing case that had gone missing, but Babcock, who is a really good guy, told me later that he had been digging into old Fentiman, and I got the impression he had been pretty generous with his money. I thought you were back to your old tricks."

"Is the fellow a sahib?"

"Is the guy a sahib?"

"Good God, no. Looks like an attorney's clerk or something. A nasty little tout."

"Good God, no. He looks like a lawyer's assistant or something. A sleazy little hustler."

"Glad you told me. I shouldn't wonder if he's the snag I'm up against. Probably Oliver coverin' his tracks."

"Glad you told me. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the obstacle I'm facing. It's probably Oliver trying to cover his tracks."

"Do you suspect this Oliver of something wrong?"

"Do you think there's something off about Oliver?"

"Well—I rather think so. But I'm damned if I know quite what. I think he knows something about old Fentiman that we don't. And of course he knows how he spent the night, and that's what I'm after."

"Well—I really think so. But I'm not sure what exactly. I believe he knows something about old Fentiman that we don't. And of course, he knows how he spent the night, and that's what I'm trying to find out."

"What the devil does it matter how he spent the night? He can't have been very riotous, at his age."

"What difference does it make how he spent the night? He can't have been too wild at his age."

"It might throw some light on the time he arrived in the morning, mightn't it?"

"It might shed some light on the time he showed up in the morning, right?"

"Oh—Well, all I can say is, I hope to God you'll hurry up and finish with it. This Club's becoming a perfect bear-garden. I'd almost rather have the police in."

"Oh—Well, all I can say is, I hope to God you hurry up and finish with it. This club is turning into complete chaos. I'd almost rather have the police here."

"Keep hopin'. You may get 'em yet."

"Keep hoping. You might still get them."

"You don't mean that, seriously?"

"Seriously, you don't mean that?"

"I'm never serious. That's what my friends dislike about me. Honestly, I'll try and make as little row as I can. But if Oliver is sending his minions to corrupt your staff and play old harry with my investigations, it's going to make it damned awkward. I wish you'd let me know if the fellow turns up again. I'd like to cast my eye over him."

"I'm never serious. That's what my friends don't like about me. Honestly, I'll try to cause as little trouble as I can. But if Oliver is sending his minions to mess with your team and interfere with my investigations, it's going to get really awkward. I wish you'd let me know if that guy shows up again. I'd like to take a look at him."

"All right, I will. And do clear out now, there's a good fellow."

"Okay, I will. And please leave now, would you?"

"I go," said Wimsey, "my tail well tucked down between my legs and a flea in each ear. Oh! by the way——"

"I'll go," said Wimsey, "my tail tucked between my legs and a flea in each ear. Oh! by the way——"

"Well?" (in an exasperated tone).

"Well?" (in an exasperated tone).

"When did you last see George Fentiman?"

"When was the last time you saw George Fentiman?"

"Not for donkey's years. Not since it happened."

"Not for ages. Not since it happened."

"I thought not. Oh, and by the way——"

"I didn't think so. Oh, and by the way——"

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

"Robert Fentiman was actually staying in the Club at the time, wasn't he?"

"Robert Fentiman was actually staying at the Club at that time, right?"

"Which time?"

"What time?"

"The time it happened, you ass."

"The time it happened, you idiot."

"Yes, he was. But he's living at the old man's place now."

"Yes, he was. But he's staying at the old man's place now."

"I know, thanks. But I wondered whether—Where does he live when he isn't in town?"

"I get it, thanks. But I was curious—where does he live when he’s not in town?"

"Out at Richmond, I think. In rooms, or something."

"Out at Richmond, I think. In rooms, or something."

"Oh, does he? Thanks very much. Yes, I really will go. In fact, I've practically gone."

"Oh, does he? Thanks a lot. Yes, I'm definitely going. Actually, I've almost left."

He went. He never stopped going till he came to Finsbury Park. George was out, and so, of course, was Mrs. Fentiman, but the charwoman said she had heard the Captain mention he was going down to Great Portland Street. Wimsey went in pursuit. A couple of hours spent lounging round show-rooms and talking to car-demonstrators, nearly all of whom were, in one manner or another, his dear old pals, resulted in the discovery that George Fentiman was being taken on by the Walmisley-Hubbard outfit for a few weeks to show what he could do.

He left. He didn’t stop until he reached Finsbury Park. George was out, and so was Mrs. Fentiman, but the cleaning lady said she had heard the Captain mention that he was heading down to Great Portland Street. Wimsey went after him. After spending a couple of hours hanging around showrooms and chatting with car demonstrators, most of whom were his old friends in one way or another, he found out that George Fentiman was being hired by the Walmisley-Hubbard team for a few weeks to showcase his skills.

"Oh, he'll do you all right," said Wimsey, "he's a damn fine driver. Oh, lord, yes! He's all right."

"Oh, he'll take good care of you," said Wimsey, "he's an excellent driver. Oh, definitely! He's really great."

"He looks a bit nervy," said the particular dear old pal attached to the Walmisley-Hubbard show. "Wants bucking up, what? That reminds me. What about a quick one?"

"He seems a little on edge," said the dear old friend connected to the Walmisley-Hubbard show. "He needs a boost, right? That makes me think. How about a quick drink?"

Wimsey submitted to a mild quick one and then wandered back to look at a new type of clutch. He spun out this interesting interview till one of the Walmisley-Hubbard "shop 'buses" came in with Fentiman at the wheel.

Wimsey had a quick drink and then strolled back to check out a new kind of clutch. He drew out this interesting conversation until one of the Walmisley-Hubbard "shop buses" arrived with Fentiman driving.

"Hullo!" said Wimsey, "trying her out?"

"Helloo!" said Wimsey, "testing her out?"

"Yes. I've got the hang of her all right."

"Yeah. I’ve figured her out for sure."

"Think you could sell her?" asked the old pal.

"Do you think you could sell her?" asked the old friend.

"Oh, yes. Soon learn to show her off. She's a jolly decent 'bus."

"Oh, definitely. You'll quickly learn to show her off. She's a pretty great ride."

"That's good. Well, I expect you're about ready for a quick one. How about it, Wimsey?"

"That's great. Well, I imagine you're ready for a quick one. What do you think, Wimsey?"

They had a quick one together. After this, the dear old pal remembered that he must buzz off because he'd promised to hunt up a customer.

They had a quick drink together. After that, the old friend remembered that he had to leave because he promised to find a client.

"You'll turn up to-morrow, then?" he said to George. "There's an old bird down at Malden wants to have a trial trip. I can't go, so you can have a shot at him. All right?"

"You'll show up tomorrow, then?" he said to George. "There's an old guy down at Malden who wants to have a trial trip. I can't go, so you can give it a try. Sound good?"

"Perfectly."

"Perfect!"

"Righty-ho! I'll have the 'bus ready for you at eleven. Cheer-most-frightfully-ho! So long."

"Alright! I'll have the bus ready for you at eleven. Take care! See you later."

"Little sunbeam about the house, isn't he?" said Wimsey.

"Isn’t he just a little sunshine around the house?" said Wimsey.

"Rather. Have another?"

"Sure. Want another?"

"I was thinking, how about lunch? Come along with me if you have nothing better to do."

"I was thinking, how about lunch? Join me if you’re not busy."

George accepted and put forward the names of one or two restaurants.

George agreed and suggested the names of a couple of restaurants.

"No," said Wimsey, "I've got a fancy to go to Gatti's to-day, if you don't mind."

"No," said Wimsey, "I feel like going to Gatti's today, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, that will do splendidly. I've seen Murbles, by the bye, and he's prepared to deal with the MacStewart man. He thinks he can hold him off till it's all settled up—if it ever is settled."

"Not at all, that will work perfectly. By the way, I've seen Murbles, and he's ready to handle the MacStewart guy. He thinks he can keep him at bay until everything is sorted out—if it ever is sorted."

"That's good," said Wimsey, rather absently.

"That's good," Wimsey said, somewhat absentmindedly.

"And I'm damned glad about this chance of a job," went on George. "If it turns out any good, it'll make things a lot easier—in more than one way."

"And I'm really glad about this job opportunity," George continued. "If it goes well, it'll make things a lot easier—in more ways than one."

Wimsey said heartily that he was sure it would, and then relapsed into a silence unusual with him, which lasted all the way to the Strand.

Wimsey said enthusiastically that he was sure it would, and then fell into an unusual silence that lasted all the way to the Strand.

At Gatti's he left George in a corner while he went to have a chat with the head waiter, emerging from the interview with a puzzled expression which aroused even George's curiosity, full as he was of his own concerns.

At Gatti's, he left George in a corner while he went to talk to the head waiter, coming out of the conversation with a confused look that even piqued George's interest, despite being so wrapped up in his own worries.

"What's up? Isn't there anything you can bear to eat?"

"What's going on? Is there really nothing you can eat?"

"It's all right. I was just wondering whether to have moules marinières or not."

"It's fine. I was just thinking about whether to have moules marinières or not."

"Good idea."

"Great idea."

Wimsey's face cleared, and for some time they absorbed mussels from the shell with speechless, though not altogether silent, satisfaction.

Wimsey's expression brightened, and for a while they enjoyed mussels from the shell with a quiet, though not completely silent, sense of satisfaction.

"By the way," said Wimsey, suddenly, "you never told me that you had seen your grandfather the afternoon before he died."

"By the way," Wimsey suddenly said, "you never mentioned that you saw your grandfather the afternoon before he passed away."

George flushed. He was struggling with a particularly elastic mussel, firmly rooted to the shell, and could not answer for a moment.

George blushed. He was dealing with a stubborn mussel, tightly secured to the shell, and couldn’t respond right away.

"How on earth?—confound it all, Wimsey, are you behind this infernal watch that's being kept on me?"

"How on earth?—damn it all, Wimsey, are you the one behind this annoying watch that's being kept on me?"

"Watch?"

"Are you watching?"

"Yes, I said watch. I call it a damn rotten thing to do. I never thought for a moment you had anything to do with it."

"Yeah, I said watch. I think it's a really messed-up thing to do. I never imagined for a second that you were involved."

"I haven't. Who's keeping a watch on you?"

"I haven't. Who's monitoring you?"

"There's a fellow following me about. A spy. I'm always seeing him. I don't know whether he's a detective or what. He looks like a criminal. He came down in the 'bus with me from Finsbury Park this morning. He was after me all day yesterday. He's probably about now. I won't have it. If I catch sight of him again I shall knock his dirty little head off. Why should I be followed and spied on? I haven't done anything. And now you begin."

"There's a guy following me around. A spy. I keep seeing him. I don’t know if he’s a detective or something else. He looks like a criminal. He rode the bus with me from Finsbury Park this morning. He was after me all day yesterday. He’s probably around now. I won’t stand for it. If I see him again, I’m going to knock his nasty little head off. Why should I be followed and spied on? I haven’t done anything. And now you start."

"I swear I've nothing to do with anybody following you about. Honestly, I haven't. I wouldn't employ a man, anyway, who'd let a bloke see that he was being followed. No. When I start huntin' you, I shall be as silent and stealthy as a gas-leak. What's this incompetent bloodhound like to look at?"

"I swear I have nothing to do with anyone following you around. Honestly, I don’t. I wouldn’t hire a guy, anyway, who would let someone see that he was being followed. No. When I start hunting you, I’ll be as quiet and sneaky as a gas leak. What does this incompetent bloodhound look like?"

"Looks like a tout. Small, thin, with his hat pulled down over his eyes and an old rain-coat with the collar turned up. And a very blue chin."

"Looks like a hustler. Small, skinny, with his hat pulled down over his eyes and an old raincoat with the collar popped. And a really blue chin."

"Sounds like a stage detective. He's a silly ass anyway."

"Sounds like a stage detective. He's such an idiot anyway."

"He gets on my nerves."

"He's getting on my nerves."

"Oh, all right. Next time you see him, punch his head."

"Oh, fine. The next time you see him, punch him in the face."

"But what does he want?"

"But what does he want?"

"How should I know? What have you been doing?"

"How am I supposed to know? What have you been up to?"

"Nothing, of course. I tell you, Wimsey, I believe there's some sort of conspiracy going on to get me into trouble, or do away with me, or something. I can't stand it. It's simply damnable. Suppose this fellow starts hanging round the Walmisley-Hubbard place. Look nice, won't it, for their salesman to have a 'tec on his heels all the time? Just as I hoped things were coming right——"

"Nothing, of course. I tell you, Wimsey, I think there’s some kind of conspiracy to get me into trouble or get rid of me, or something. I can't take it. It’s just outrageous. What if this guy starts spending time around the Walmisley-Hubbard place? It’ll look great for their salesman to have a private investigator following him all the time. Just when I thought things were finally going right——"

"Bosh!" said Wimsey. "Don't let yourself get rattled. It's probably all imagination, or just a coincidence."

"Bosh!" said Wimsey. "Don't let yourself get worked up. It's probably just your imagination, or maybe a coincidence."

"It isn't. I wouldn't mind betting he's outside in the street now."

"It isn't. I bet he's outside in the street right now."

"Well, then, we'll settle his hash when we get outside. Give him in charge for annoying you. Look here, forget him for a bit. Tell me about the old General. How did he seem, that last time you saw him?"

"Alright, we'll deal with him once we're outside. Report him for bothering you. For now, let’s forget about him. Tell me about the old General. How did he seem the last time you saw him?"

"Oh, he seemed fit enough. Crusty, as usual."

"Oh, he seemed fine. Grumpy, as always."

"Crusty, was he? What about?"

"Crusty, was he? About what?"

"Private matters," said George, sullenly.

"Personal matters," said George, sullenly.

Wimsey cursed himself for having started his questions tactlessly. The only thing now was to retrieve the situation as far as possible.

Wimsey cursed himself for asking his questions so clumsily. All he could do now was to salvage the situation as much as he could.

"I'm not at all sure," he said, "that relations shouldn't all be painlessly put away after threescore and ten. Or at any rate segregated. Or have their tongues sterilized, so that they can't be poisonously interferin'."

"I'm really not sure," he said, "that relationships shouldn't just be easily wrapped up after seventy years. Or at least separated. Or have their words cleaned up, so they can't be toxic and meddling."

"I wish they were," growled George. "The old man—damn it all, I know he was in the Crimea, but he's no idea what a real war's like. He thinks things can go on just as they did half a century ago. I daresay he never did behave as I do. Anyway, I know he never had to go to his wife for his pocket-money, let alone having the inside gassed out of him. Coming preaching to me—and I couldn't say anything, because he was so confoundedly old, you know."

"I wish they were," George grumbled. "The old man—damn it, I know he was in the Crimea, but he has no idea what a real war is like. He thinks things can go on just like they did fifty years ago. I bet he never acted the way I do. Anyway, I know he never had to go to his wife for his allowance, let alone had to deal with being gassed. He came over here lecturing me—and I couldn't say anything because he was so annoyingly old, you know."

"Very trying," murmured Wimsey, sympathetically.

"Very challenging," murmured Wimsey, sympathetically.

"It's all so damned unfair," said George. "Do you know," he burst out, the sense of grievance suddenly overpowering his wounded vanity, "the old devil actually threatened to cut me out of the miserable little bit of money he had to leave me if I didn't 'reform my domestic behavior.' That's the way he talked. Just as if I was carrying on with another woman or something. I know I did have an awful row with Sheila one day, but of course I didn't mean half I said. She knows that, but the old man took it all seriously."

"It's all so damn unfair," said George. "You know," he exclaimed, the feeling of injustice suddenly overwhelming his hurt pride, "that old devil actually threatened to cut me out of the measly little amount of money he planned to leave me if I didn't 'fix my behavior at home.' That's how he put it. As if I was cheating on someone or something. I know I did have an awful fight with Sheila one day, but of course I didn't mean half of what I said. She knows that, but the old man took it all seriously."

"Half a moment," broke in Wimsey, "did he say all this to you in the taxi that day?"

"Hold on a second," interrupted Wimsey, "did he say all of this to you in the taxi that day?"

"Yes, he did. A long lecture, all about the purity and courage of a good woman, driving round and round Regent's Park. I had to promise to turn over a new leaf and all that. Like being back at one's prep. school."

"Yeah, he did. A long talk about the purity and bravery of a good woman while driving around Regent's Park. I had to promise to change my ways and everything. It felt like being back in prep school."

"But didn't he mention anything about the money Lady Dormer was leaving to him?"

"But didn't he say anything about the money Lady Dormer was leaving to him?"

"Not a word. I don't suppose he knew about it."

"Not a word. I don’t think he knew about it."

"I think he did. He'd just come from seeing her, you know, and I've a very good idea she explained matters to him then."

"I think he did. He had just come from seeing her, you know, and I have a pretty good idea she explained everything to him then."

"Did she? Well, that rather explains it. I thought he was being very pompous and stiff about it. He said what a responsibility money was, you know, and how he would like to feel that anything he left to me was being properly used and all that. And he rubbed it in about my not having been able to make good for myself—that was what got my goat—and about Sheila. Said I ought to appreciate a good woman's love more, my boy, and cherish her and so on. As if I needed him to tell me that. But of course, if he knew he was in the running for this half-million, it makes rather a difference. By jove, yes! I expect he would feel a bit anxious at the idea of leaving it all to a fellow he looked on as a waster."

"Did she? Well, that explains a lot. I thought he was being really full of himself and uptight about it. He mentioned how much of a responsibility money is, you know, and how he wanted to make sure that anything he left for me was used properly and all that. He really emphasized how I hadn’t managed to succeed on my own—that’s what annoyed me—and he brought up Sheila. He said I should appreciate a good woman’s love more, my boy, and cherish her and all that. As if I needed him to tell me that. But of course, if he knew he was giving this half-million away, it changes things quite a bit. Absolutely! I bet he would feel a little worried about leaving it all to someone he saw as a slacker."

"I wonder he didn't mention it."

"I wonder why he didn't mention it."

"You didn't know grandfather. I bet he was thinking over in his mind whether it wouldn't be better to give my share to Sheila, and he was sounding me, to see what sort of disposition I'd got. The old fox! Well, I did my best to put myself in a good light, of course, because just at the moment I didn't want to lose my chance of his two thousand. But I don't think he found me satisfactory. I say," went on George, with rather a sheepish laugh, "perhaps it's just as well he popped off when he did. He might have cut me off with a shilling, eh?"

"You didn’t know Grandpa. I bet he was thinking whether it would be better to give my share to Sheila, and he was testing me to see what kind of person I was. The old trickster! Well, I did my best to present myself well, of course, because at that moment I didn’t want to miss the chance at his two thousand. But I don’t think he found me satisfactory. I say,” George continued with a somewhat embarrassed laugh, “maybe it’s just as well he went when he did. He might have left me with just a shilling, right?"

"Your brother would have seen you through in any case."

"Your brother would have had your back anyway."

"I suppose he would. Robert's quite a decent sort, really, though he does get on one's nerves so."

"I guess he would. Robert's actually a pretty decent guy, but he can be really annoying sometimes."

"Does he?"

"Does he?"

"He's so thick-skinned; the regular unimaginative Briton. I believe Robert would cheerfully go through another five years of war and think it all a very good rag. Robert was proverbial, you know, for never turning a hair. I remember Robert, at that ghastly hole at Carency, where the whole ground was rotten with corpses—ugh!—potting those swollen great rats for a penny a time, and laughing at them. Rats. Alive and putrid with what they'd been feeding on. Oh, yes. Robert was thought a damn good soldier."

"He's so thick-skinned; just your typical unimaginative Brit. I bet Robert would gladly endure another five years of war and think it was all just a big joke. Robert was known for never flinching. I remember when he was at that terrible place in Carency, where the ground was filled with rotten corpses—ugh!—shooting those huge, bloated rats for a penny each, and laughing about it. Rats. Alive and disgusting from what they'd been eating. Oh, yes. People thought Robert was a damn good soldier."

"Very fortunate for him," said Wimsey.

"Very lucky for him," said Wimsey.

"Yes. He's the same sort as grandfather. They liked each other. Still, grandfather was very decent about me. A beast, as the school-boy said, but a just beast. And Sheila was a great favorite of his."

"Yes. He's just like grandfather. They got along well. Still, grandfather treated me fairly. A beast, as the schoolboy said, but a just beast. And Sheila was one of his favorites."

"Nobody could help liking her," said Wimsey, politely.

"Nobody could help but like her," Wimsey said politely.

Lunch ended on a more cheerful note than it had begun. As they came out into the street, however, George Fentiman glanced round uneasily. A small man in a buttoned-up overcoat and with a soft hat pulled down over his eyes, was gazing into the window of a shop near at hand.

Lunch ended on a happier note than it started. When they stepped out onto the street, though, George Fentiman looked around nervously. A short man in a buttoned-up coat and a soft hat pulled low over his eyes was staring into the window of a nearby shop.

George strode up to him.

George walked up to him.

"Look here, you!" he said. "What the devil do you mean by following me about? You clear off, d'you hear?"

"Hey, you!" he said. "What the heck do you think you're doing following me around? Get lost, understand?"

"I think you are mistaken, sir," said the man, quietly enough. "I have never seen you before."

"I think you’re mistaken, sir," the man said softly. "I’ve never seen you before."

"Haven't you, by jove? Well, I've seen you hanging about, and if you do it any more, I'll give you something to remember me by. D'you hear?"

"Haven't you, seriously? Well, I've noticed you lurking around, and if you keep it up, I'll make sure you have something to remember me by. Do you get that?"

"Hullo!" said Wimsey, who had stopped to speak to the commissionaire, "what's up?—Here, you, wait a moment!"

"Hellо!" said Wimsey, who had stopped to chat with the doorman, "what's going on?—Hey, you, hold on a second!"

But at sight of Wimsey, the man had slipped like an eel among the roaring Strand traffic, and was lost to view.

But when he saw Wimsey, the man had slipped away like an eel in the busy Strand traffic and vanished from sight.

George Fentiman turned to his companion triumphantly.

George Fentiman turned to his friend with a triumphant smile.

"Did you see that? That lousy little beggar! Made off like a shot when I threatened him. That's the fellow who's been dogging me about for three days."

"Did you see that? That awful little beggar! Took off in a flash when I threatened him. That's the guy who's been bothering me for three days."

"I'm sorry," said Wimsey, "but it was not your prowess, Fentiman. It was my awful aspect that drove him away. What is it about me? Have I a front like Jove to threaten and command? Or am I wearing a repulsive tie?"

"I'm sorry," Wimsey said, "but it wasn't your skills, Fentiman. It was my terrible appearance that scared him off. What's wrong with me? Do I have a face like Zeus that threatens and commands? Or is it that I'm wearing an awful tie?"

"He's gone, anyway."

"He's gone, anyway."

"I wish I'd had a better squint at him. Because I've got a sort of idea that I've seen those lovely features before, and not so long ago, either. Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? No, I don't think it was that."

"I wish I could have taken a better look at him. I have a feeling I've seen that attractive face before, and not too long ago, either. Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? No, I don't think it was."

"All I can say is," said George, "that if I see him again, I'll put such a face on him that his mother won't know him."

"All I can say is," George said, "if I see him again, I'll give him such a beating that his mother won't even recognize him."

"Don't do that. You might destroy a clue. I—wait a minute—I've got an idea. I believe it must be the same man who's been haunting the Bellona and asking questions. Oh, hades! and we've let him go. And I'd put him down in my mind as Oliver's minion. If ever you see him again, Fentiman, freeze on to him like grim death. I want to talk to him."

"Don't do that. You might ruin a clue. I—hold on a second—I have an idea. I think it has to be the same guy who's been following the Bellona and asking questions. Oh, no! And we've let him slip away. I had him pegged as Oliver's henchman. If you ever see him again, Fentiman, latch onto him like your life depends on it. I need to have a word with him."


CHAPTER X

Lord Peter Forces A Card

Lord Peter Plays a Card

"Hullo!"

"Hello!"

"Is that you, Wimsey? Hullo! I say, is that Lord Peter Wimsey. Hullo! I must speak to Lord Peter Wimsey. Hullo!"

"Is that you, Wimsey? Hey! Can I just check, is that Lord Peter Wimsey? Hey! I really need to talk to Lord Peter Wimsey. Hey!"

"All right. I've said hullo. Who're you? And what's the excitement?"

"Okay. I've said hi. Who are you? And what's the deal?"

"It's me. Major Fentiman. I say—is that Wimsey?"

"It's me. Major Fentiman. I mean—is that Wimsey?"

"Yes. Wimsey speaking. What's up?"

"Yes, Wimsey here. What's up?"

"I can't hear you."

"I can't hear you."

"Of course you can't if you keep on shouting. This is Wimsey. Good morning. Stand three inches from the mouth-piece and speak in an ordinary voice. Do not say hullo! To recall the operator, depress the receiver gently two or three times."

"Of course you can't if you keep shouting. This is Wimsey. Good morning. Stand three inches from the mouthpiece and speak in a normal voice. Don't say hello! To call the operator back, gently press the receiver two or three times."

"Oh, shut up! don't be an ass. I've seen Oliver."

"Oh, be quiet! Don't be a jerk. I've seen Oliver."

"Have you, where?"

"Where have you been?"

"Getting into a train at Charing Cross."

"Getting onto a train at Charing Cross."

"Did you speak to him?"

"Did you talk to him?"

"No—it's maddening. I was just getting my ticket when I saw him passing the barrier. I tore down after him. Some people got in my way, curse them. There was a Circle train standing at the platform. He bolted in and they clanged the doors. I rushed on, waving and shouting, but the train went out. I cursed like anything."

"No—it's infuriating. I was just getting my ticket when I saw him go through the barrier. I sprinted after him. Some people got in my way, damn them. There was a Circle train sitting at the platform. He jumped inside and they slammed the doors shut. I rushed forward, waving and yelling, but the train left. I swore like crazy."

"I bet you did. How very sickening."

"I bet you did. How disgusting."

"Yes, wasn't it? I took the next train——"

"Yeah, it was, right? I caught the next train—"

"What for?"

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. I thought I might spot him on a platform somewhere."

"Oh, I have no idea. I thought I might see him on a platform somewhere."

"What a hope! You didn't think to ask where he'd booked for?"

"What a hope! Did you not think to ask where he had made a reservation?"

"No. Besides, he probably got the ticket from an automatic."

"No. Plus, he probably got the ticket from a vending machine."

"Probably. Well, it can't be helped, that's all. He'll probably turn up again. You're sure it was he?"

"Probably. Well, there's nothing we can do about it, that's it. He'll likely show up again. Are you sure it was him?"

"Oh, dear, yes. I couldn't be mistaken. I'd know him anywhere. I thought I'd just let you know."

"Oh, for sure. I can't be wrong about this. I'd recognize him anywhere. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thanks awfully. It encourages me extremely. Charing Cross seems to be a haunt of his. He 'phoned from there on the evening of the tenth, you know."

"Thanks a lot. It really motivates me. Charing Cross seems to be a favorite spot of his. He called from there on the evening of the tenth, you know."

"So he did."

"Yep, he did."

"I'll tell you what we'd better do, Fentiman. The thing is getting rather serious. I propose that you should go and keep an eye on Charing Cross station. I'll get hold of a detective——"

"I'll tell you what we should do, Fentiman. This situation is getting pretty serious. I suggest you go and keep an eye on Charing Cross station. I'll track down a detective——"

"A police detective?"

"A cop?"

"Not necessarily. A private one would do. You and he can go along and keep watch on the station for, say a week. You must describe Oliver to the detective as best you can, and you can watch turn and turn about."

"Not really. A private one would work. You and he can take turns watching the station for about a week. You need to describe Oliver to the detective as clearly as you can, and you can alternate your watch."

"Hang it all, Wimsey—it'll take a lot of time. I've gone back to my rooms at Richmond. And besides, I've got my own duties to do."

"Come on, Wimsey—it’s gonna take a long time. I’ve gone back to my place in Richmond. Plus, I have my own responsibilities to handle."

"Yes, well, while you're on duty the detective must keep watch."

"Yeah, well, while you're on duty, the detective has to stay alert."

"It's a dreadful grind, Wimsey." Fentiman's voice sounded dissatisfied.

"It's a terrible hassle, Wimsey." Fentiman's voice sounded unhappy.

"It's half a million of money. Of course, if you're not keen——"

"It's half a million dollars. Of course, if you're not interested——"

"I am keen. But I don't believe anything will come of it."

"I am eager. But I don't think anything will come of it."

"Probably not; but it's worth trying. And in the meantime, I'll have another watch kept at Gatti's."

"Probably not; but it's worth a shot. In the meantime, I'll have another watch set at Gatti's."

"At Gatti's?"

"At Gatti's?"

"Yes. They know him there. I'll send a man down——"

"Yeah. They know him there. I'll send someone down—"

"But he never comes there now."

"But he never goes there anymore."

"Oh, but he may come again. There's no reason why he shouldn't. We know now that he's in town, and not gone out of the country or anything. I'll tell the management that he's wanted for an urgent business matter, so as not to make unpleasantness."

"Oh, but he might come back. There's no reason he won't. We know he's in town and hasn't left the country or anything. I'll let the management know he's needed for an urgent business matter, to avoid any awkwardness."

"They won't like it."

"They won't be happy."

"Then they'll have to lump it."

"Then they'll just have to deal with it."

"Well, all right. But, look here—I'll do Gatti's."

"Alright, fine. But, listen—I’ll take care of Gatti's."

"That won't do. We want you to identify him at Charing Cross. The waiter or somebody can do the identifying at Gatti's. You say they know him."

"That won't work. We want you to identify him at Charing Cross. The waiter or someone else can do the identification at Gatti's. You said they know him."

"Yes, of course they do. But——"

"Yes, of course they do. But——"

"But what?—By the way, which waiter is it you spoke to. I had a talk with the head man there yesterday, and he didn't seem to know anything about it."

"But what?—By the way, which waiter did you talk to? I spoke with the head guy there yesterday, and he didn't seem to know anything about it."

"No—it wasn't the head waiter. One of the others. The plump, dark one."

"No—it wasn't the head waiter. It was one of the others. The chubby, dark-haired one."

"All right. I'll find the right one. Now, will you see to the Charing Cross end?"

"Okay. I'll find the right one. Now, can you handle the Charing Cross end?"

"Of course—if you really think it's any good."

"Sure—if you genuinely think it's worth anything."

"Yes, I do. Right you are. I'll get hold of the 'tec and send him along to you, and you can arrange with him."

"Yes, I do. You're right. I'll contact the detective and send him over to you, so you can sort it out with him."

"Very well."

"Sounds good."

"Cheerio!"

"See you!"

Lord Peter rang off and sat for a few moments, grinning to himself. Then he turned to Bunter.

Lord Peter hung up the phone and sat for a minute, smiling to himself. Then he turned to Bunter.

"I don't often prophesy, Bunter, but I'm going to do it now. Your fortune told by hand or cards. Beware of the dark stranger. That sort of thing."

"I don't usually make predictions, Bunter, but I’m going to do it now. Your fortune told by palm or cards. Watch out for the mysterious stranger. You know, that kind of stuff."

"Indeed, my lord?"

"Really, my lord?"

"Cross the gypsy's palm with silver. I see Mr. Oliver. I see him taking a journey in which he will cross water. I see trouble. I see the ace of spades—upside-down, Bunter."

"Put some money in the gypsy's hand. I see Mr. Oliver. I see him going on a trip where he'll cross water. I see trouble ahead. I see the ace of spades—upside-down, Bunter."

"And what then, my lord?"

"And what now, my lord?"

"Nothing. I look into the future and I see a blank. The gypsy has spoken."

"Nothing. I look ahead and see emptiness. The fortune teller has spoken."

"I will bear it in mind, my lord."

"I'll keep that in mind, my lord."

"Do. If my prediction is not fulfilled, I will give you a new camera. And now I'm going round to see that fellow who calls himself Sleuths Incorporated, and get him to put a good man on to keep watch at Charing Cross. And after that, I'm going down to Chelsea and I don't quite know when I shall be back. You'd better take the afternoon off. Put me out some sandwiches or something, and don't wait up if I'm late."

"Do it. If my prediction doesn't come true, I'll get you a new camera. Now I’m heading over to see that guy who calls himself Sleuths Incorporated to get him to assign a good person to keep an eye on Charing Cross. After that, I'm going to Chelsea, and I’m not really sure when I’ll be back. You should take the afternoon off. Make me some sandwiches or something, and don’t wait up if I'm late."

Wimsey disposed quickly of his business with Sleuths Incorporated, and then made his way to a pleasant little studio overlooking the river at Chelsea. The door, which bore a neat label "Miss Marjorie Phelps," was opened by a pleasant-looking young woman with curly hair and a blue overall heavily smudged with clay.

Wimsey quickly wrapped up his business with Sleuths Incorporated and then headed to a nice little studio overlooking the river in Chelsea. The door, marked with a tidy label saying "Miss Marjorie Phelps," was opened by a friendly young woman with curly hair wearing a blue overall that was heavily stained with clay.

"Lord Peter! How nice of you. Do come in."

"Lord Peter! It's so nice to see you. Please, come in."

"Shan't I be in the way?"

"Won't I be in the way?"

"Not a scrap. You don't mind if I go on working."

"Not a bit. You don’t mind if I keep working."

"Rather not."

"Prefer not to."

"You could put the kettle on and find some food if you liked to be really helpful. I just want to finish up this figure."

"You could go ahead and put the kettle on and find some food if you really want to help. I just need to finish up this figure."

"That's fine. I took the liberty of bringing a pot of Hybla honey with me."

"That's cool. I went ahead and brought a jar of Hybla honey with me."

"What sweet ideas you have! I really think you are one of the nicest people I know. You don't talk rubbish about art, and you don't want your hand held, and your mind always turns on eating and drinking."

"What great ideas you have! I truly believe you are one of the nicest people I know. You don’t spout nonsense about art, you don’t need your hand held, and your thoughts are always about eating and drinking."

"Don't speak too soon. I don't want my hand held, but I did come here with an object."

"Don't jump to conclusions. I don't need anyone holding my hand, but I did come here with a purpose."

"Very sensible of you. Most people come without any."

"Very smart of you. Most people show up without any."

"And stay interminably."

"And stay forever."

"They do."

"They do."

Miss Phelps cocked her head on one side and looked critically at the little dancing lady she was modeling. She had made a line of her own in pottery figurines, which sold well and were worth the money.

Miss Phelps tilted her head to one side and examined the little dancing lady she was modeling. She had created a line of her own pottery figurines, which sold well and were worth the price.

"That's rather attractive," said Wimsey.

"That's pretty attractive," said Wimsey.

"Rather pretty-pretty. But it's a special order, and one can't afford to be particular. I've done a Christmas present for you, by the way. You'd better have a look at it, and if you think it offensive we'll smash it together. It's in that cupboard."

"Pretty nice, huh? But it's a custom order, and we can't be choosy. By the way, I've made you a Christmas gift. You should check it out, and if you find it offensive, we can break it together. It's in that cupboard."

Wimsey opened the cupboard and extracted a little figure about nine inches high. It represented a young man in a flowing dressing-gown, absorbed in the study of a huge volume held on his knee. The portrait was life-like. He chuckled.

Wimsey opened the cupboard and took out a little figure about nine inches tall. It showed a young man in a flowing robe, deeply focused on a large book resting on his knee. The likeness was strikingly lifelike. He chuckled.

"It's damned good, Marjorie. A very fine bit of modeling. I'd love to have it. You aren't multiplying it too often, I hope? I mean, it won't be on sale at Selfridges?"

"It's really great, Marjorie. A very nice piece of work. I'd love to have it. You aren't producing it too frequently, are you? I mean, it won't be available at Selfridges?"

"I'll spare you that. I thought of giving one to your mother."

"I'll save you from that. I considered giving one to your mom."

"That'll please her no end. Thanks ever so. I shall look forward to Christmas, for once. Shall I make some toast?"

"That will make her really happy. Thanks a lot. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this time. Should I make some toast?"

"Rather!"

"Absolutely!"

Wimsey squatted happily down before the gasfire, while the modeler went on with her work. Tea and figurine were ready almost at the same moment, and Miss Phelps, flinging off her overall, threw herself luxuriously into a battered arm-chair by the hearth.

Wimsey happily crouched down by the gas fire while the modeler continued with her work. Tea and the figurine were ready almost simultaneously, and Miss Phelps, removing her apron, sank comfortably into a worn armchair by the fireplace.

"And what can I do for you?"

"And what can I help you with?"

"You can tell me all you know about Miss Ann Dorland."

"You can share everything you know about Miss Ann Dorland."

"Ann Dorland? Great heavens! You haven't fallen for Ann Dorland, have you? I've heard she's coming into a lot of money."

"Ann Dorland? Wow! You haven’t actually fallen for Ann Dorland, have you? I’ve heard she’s coming into a lot of money."

"You have a perfectly disgusting mind, Miss Phelps. Have some more toast. Excuse me licking my fingers. I have not fallen for the lady. If I had, I'd manage my affairs without assistance. I haven't even seen her. What's she like?"

"You have an absolutely terrible mind, Miss Phelps. Have some more toast. Sorry for licking my fingers. I haven't fallen for the lady. If I had, I'd handle my affairs myself. I haven't even seen her. What’s she like?"

"To look at?"

"To check out?"

"Among other things."

"Among other things."

"Well, she's rather plain. She has dark, straight hair, cut in a bang across the forehead and bobbed—like a Flemish page. Her forehead is broad and she has a square sort of face and a straight nose—quite good. Also, her eyes are good—gray, with nice heavy eyebrows, not fashionable a bit. But she has a bad skin and rather sticky-out teeth. And she's dumpy."

"Well, she's pretty ordinary. She has dark, straight hair cut in bangs across her forehead, and it's bobbed—kind of like a Flemish page. Her forehead is broad, and she has a square face with a straight nose—quite decent. Her eyes are nice too—gray with thick eyebrows, definitely not trendy. But she has bad skin and somewhat prominent teeth. And she's a bit short and stout."

"She's a painter, isn't she?"

"She's a painter, right?"

"M'm—well! she paints."

"Well, she paints."

"I see. A well-off amateur with a studio."

"I get it. A wealthy hobbyist with a studio."

"Yes. I will say that old Lady Dormer was very decent to her. Ann Dorland, you know, is some sort of far-away distant cousin on the female side of the Fentiman family, and when Lady Dormer first got to hear of her she was an orphan and incredibly poverty-stricken. The old lady liked to have a bit of young life about the house, so she took charge of her, and the wonderful thing is that she didn't try to monopolize her. She let her have a big place for a studio and bring in any friends she liked and go about as she chose—in reason, of course."

"Yes. I will say that old Lady Dormer was really kind to her. Ann Dorland, you know, is some kind of distant cousin on the female side of the Fentiman family, and when Lady Dormer first heard about her, she was an orphan and incredibly poor. The old lady liked having some young energy around the house, so she took her in, and the amazing thing is that she didn’t try to control her. She gave her a big space for a studio, allowed her to invite any friends she wanted, and go out as she pleased—within reason, of course."

"Lady Dormer suffered a good deal from oppressive relations in her own youth," said Wimsey.

"Lady Dormer dealt with a lot of pressure from her family when she was young," said Wimsey.

"I know, but most old people seem to forget that. I'm sure Lady Dormer had time enough. She must have been rather unusual. Mind you, I didn't know her very well, and I don't really know a great deal about Ann Dorland. I've been there, of course. She gave parties—rather incompetently. And she comes round to some of our studios from time to time. But she isn't really one of us."

"I get it, but a lot of older people seem to forget that. I'm sure Lady Dormer had plenty of time. She must have been pretty unique. Just to be clear, I didn't know her that well, and I don’t really know much about Ann Dorland. I've been to her place, of course. She hosted parties—kind of clumsily. And she stops by some of our studios occasionally. But she’s not really one of us."

"Probably one has to be really poor and hard-working to be that."

"Maybe you have to be truly poor and hardworking to achieve that."

"No. You, for instance, fit in quite well on the rare occasions when we have the pleasure. And it doesn't matter not being able to paint. Look at Bobby Hobart and his ghastly daubs—he's a perfect dear and everybody loves him. I think Ann Dorland must have a complex of some kind. Complexes explain so much, like the blessed word hippopotamus."

"No. You, for example, fit in pretty well on the rare occasions when we have the pleasure. And it doesn’t matter that you can’t paint. Look at Bobby Hobart and his terrible artwork—he's a total sweetheart and everyone loves him. I think Ann Dorland must have some kind of complex. Complexes explain so much, like the wonderful word hippopotamus."

Wimsey helped himself lavishly to honey and looked receptive.

Wimsey generously added honey and seemed open to conversation.

"I think really," went on Miss Phelps, "that Ann ought to have been something in the City. She has brains, you know. She'd run anything awfully well. But she isn't creative. And then, of course, so many of our little lot seem to be running love-affairs. And a continual atmosphere of hectic passion is very trying if you haven't got any of your own."

"I honestly think," continued Miss Phelps, "that Ann should have been involved in something in the City. She’s really smart, you know. She’d handle anything incredibly well. But she’s not very creative. And then, of course, so many of our group seem to be caught up in romantic relationships. Being surrounded by constant, intense passion can be really exhausting if you don’t have any of your own."

"Has Miss Dorland a mind above hectic passion?"

"Does Miss Dorland have a mind that transcends intense passion?"

"Well, no. I daresay she would quite have liked—but nothing ever came of it. Why are you interested in having Ann Dorland analyzed?"

"Well, no. I imagine she would have really liked it—but nothing ever came of it. Why are you interested in having Ann Dorland analyzed?"

"I'll tell you some day. It isn't just vulgar curiosity."

"I'll tell you someday. It's not just crude curiosity."

"No, you're very decent as a rule, or I wouldn't be telling you all this. I think, really, Ann has a sort of fixed idea that she couldn't ever possibly attract any one, and so she's either sentimental and tiresome, or rude and snubbing, and our crowd does hate sentimentality and simply can't bear to be snubbed. Ann's rather pathetic, really. As a matter of fact, I think she's gone off art a bit. Last time I heard about her, she had been telling some one she was going in for social service, or sick-nursing, or something of that kind. I think it's very sensible. She'd probably get along much better with the people who do that sort of thing. They're so much more solid and polite."

"No, you’re actually quite decent most of the time, or I wouldn't be sharing all this with you. I really think Ann has this fixed idea that she could never attract anyone, so she ends up being either sentimental and annoying, or rude and dismissive, and our group really dislikes sentimentality and can’t stand being snubbed. Ann’s kind of sad, to be honest. Actually, I think she’s become a bit disillusioned with art. The last I heard, she was telling someone she was going to get involved in social service, or nursing, or something like that. I think that’s really smart. She’d probably connect much better with people who do that kind of work. They’re so much more grounded and polite."

"I see. Look here, suppose I ever wanted to run across Miss Dorland accidentally on purpose—where should I be likely to find her?"

"I see. So, let’s say I wanted to bump into Miss Dorland on purpose—where would I most likely find her?"

"You do seem thrilled about her! I think I should try the Rushworths. They go in rather for science and improving the submerged tenth and things like that. Of course, I suppose Ann's in mourning now, but I don't think that would necessarily keep her away from the Rushworth's. Their gatherings aren't precisely frivolous."

"You do seem excited about her! I think I should check out the Rushworths. They focus a lot on science and helping the less fortunate and stuff like that. I guess Ann's in mourning now, but I don’t think that would necessarily stop her from going to the Rushworths. Their events aren’t exactly shallow."

"Thanks very much. You're a mine of valuable information. And, for a woman, you don't ask many questions."

"Thanks a lot. You have a ton of valuable information. And, for a woman, you don't ask a lot of questions."

"Thank you for those few kind words, Lord Peter."

"Thanks for those kind words, Lord Peter."

"I am now free to devote my invaluable attention to your concerns. What is the news? And who is in love with whom?"

"I’m now free to focus my valuable attention on your concerns. What’s the latest? And who’s in love with whom?"

"Oh, life is a perfect desert. Nobody is in love with me, and the Schlitzers have had a worse row than usual and separated."

"Oh, life is a total desert. Nobody loves me, and the Schlitzers have had a worse fight than usual and split up."

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes. Only, owing to financial considerations, they've got to go on sharing the same studio—you know, that big room over the mews. It must be very awkward having to eat and sleep and work in the same room with somebody you're being separated from. They don't even speak, and it's very awkward when you call on one of them and the other has to pretend not to be able to see or hear you."

"Yes. But because of money issues, they have to keep sharing the same studio—you know, that big room over the mews. It must be really uncomfortable having to eat, sleep, and work in the same space with someone you're breaking up with. They don’t even talk to each other, and it gets really awkward when you visit one of them and the other has to act like they can't see or hear you."

"I shouldn't think one could keep it up under those circumstances."

"I don't think anyone could maintain that under those circumstances."

"It's difficult. I'd have had Olga here, only she is so dreadfully bad-tempered. Besides, neither of them will give up the studio to the other."

"It's tough. I would have had Olga here, but she's just so incredibly grumpy. Plus, neither of them is willing to give up the studio for the other."

"I see. But isn't there any third party in the case?"

"I get it. But isn't there a third party involved in this situation?"

"Yes—Ulric Fiennes, the sculptor, you know. But he can't have her at his place because his wife's there, and he's really dependent on his wife, because his sculping doesn't pay. And besides, he's at work on that colossal group for the Exhibition and he can't move it; it weighs about twenty tons. And if he went off and took Olga away, his wife would lock him out of the place. It's very inconvenient being a sculptor. It's like playing the double-bass; one's so handicapped by one's baggage."

"Yeah—Ulric Fiennes, the sculptor, you know. But he can't have her over because his wife is there, and he really relies on her since his sculpting doesn't pay the bills. Plus, he's working on that massive piece for the Exhibition and he can't move it; it weighs around twenty tons. If he left and took Olga with him, his wife would just lock him out. It's really inconvenient being a sculptor. It's like playing the double bass; you're so weighed down by all your stuff."

"True. Whereas, when you run away with me, we'll be able to put all the pottery shepherds and shepherdesses in a handbag."

"True. When you run away with me, we can fit all the pottery shepherds and shepherdesses into a handbag."

"Of course. What fun it will be. Where shall we run to?"

"Of course. It will be so much fun. Where should we go?"

"How about starting to-night and getting as far as Oddenino's and going on to a show—if you're not doing anything?"

"How about starting tonight, heading over to Oddenino's, and then catching a show—if you're free?"

"You are a loveable man, and I shall call you Peter. Shall we see 'Betwixt and Between?'"

"You’re a lovable guy, and I’ll call you Peter. Should we check out 'Betwixt and Between?'"

"The thing they had such a job to get past the censor? Yes, if you like. Is it particularly obscene?"

"The issue they had trouble getting past the censor? Yeah, if that’s what you want to call it. Is it really that offensive?"

"No, epicene, I fancy."

"No, epicene, I'm into it."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm quite agreeable. Only I warn you that I shall make a point of asking you the meaning of all the risky bits in a very audible voice."

"Oh, I get it. Well, I’m totally on board. Just know that I’m going to make sure to ask you the meaning of all the tricky parts in a really loud voice."

"That's your idea of amusement, is it?"

"Is that what you consider fun?"

"Yes. It does make them so wild. People say 'Hush!' and giggle, and if I'm lucky I end up with a gorgeous row in the bar."

"Yeah. It really drives them crazy. People say 'Shh!' and laugh, and if I'm lucky, I end up with a beautiful group at the bar."

"Then I won't risk it. No. I'll tell you what I'd really love. We'll go and see 'George Barnwell' at the Elephant and have a fish-and-chips supper afterwards."

"Then I won’t take that chance. No. I’ll tell you what I’d really like. Let’s go watch 'George Barnwell' at the Elephant and grab some fish and chips afterwards."

This was agreed upon, and was voted in retrospect a most profitable evening. It finished up with grilled kippers at a friend's studio in the early hours. Lord Peter returned home to find a note upon the hall-table.

This was agreed upon and later voted as a very successful evening. It ended with grilled kippers at a friend's studio in the early hours. Lord Peter got home to find a note on the hall table.

"My lord,

"My lord,"

"The person from Sleuths Incorporated rang up to-day that he was inclined to acquiesce in your lordship's opinion, but that he was keeping his eye upon the party and would report further to-morrow. The sandwiches are on the dining-room table, if your lordship should require refreshment.

"The person from Sleuths Incorporated called today to say that he was leaning towards agreeing with your opinion, but that he was keeping an eye on the situation and would provide more updates tomorrow. The sandwiches are on the dining room table, in case you need a snack."

"Yours obediently,
"M. Bunter."

"Yours faithfully,
"M. Bunter."

"Cross the gypsy's palm with silver," said his lordship, happily, and rolled into bed.

"Give the gypsy some money," said his lordship, cheerfully, and rolled into bed.


CHAPTER XI

Lord Peter Clears Trumps

Lord Peter Unveils Truths

"Sleuths Incorporated's" report, when it came, might be summed up as "Nothing doing and Major Fentiman convinced that there never will be anything doing; opinion shared by Sleuths Incorporated." Lord Peter's reply was: "Keep on watching and something will happen before the week is out."

"Sleuths Incorporated's" report, when it finally arrived, could be summarized as "Nothing happening, and Major Fentiman is sure there never will be anything happening; that’s also the opinion of Sleuths Incorporated." Lord Peter's response was: "Keep watching, and something will happen before the week is over."

His lordship was justified. On the fourth evening, "Sleuths Incorporated" reported again by telephone. The particular sleuth in charge of the case had been duly relieved by Major Fentiman at 6 P.M. and had gone to get his dinner. On returning to his post an hour later, he had been presented with a note left for him with the ticket-collector at the stair-head. It ran: "Just seen Oliver getting into taxi. Am following. Will communicate to refreshment-room. Fentiman." The sleuth had perforce to return to the refreshment room and hang about waiting for a further message. "But all the while, my lord, the second man I put on as instructed by you, my lord, was a-following the Major unbeknownst." Presently a call was put through from Waterloo. "Oliver is on the Southampton train. I am following." The sleuth hurried down to Waterloo, found the train gone and followed on by the next. At Southampton he made inquiries and learned that a gentleman answering to Fentiman's description had made a violent disturbance as the Havre boat was just starting, and had been summarily ejected at the instance of an elderly man whom he appeared to have annoyed or attacked in some way. Further investigation among the Port authorities made it clear that Fentiman had followed this person down, made himself offensive on the train and been warned off by the guard, collared his prey again on the gangway and tried to prevent him from going aboard. The gentleman had produced his passport and pièces d'identité, showing him to be a retired manufacturer of the name of Postlethwaite, living at Kew. Fentiman had insisted that he was, on the contrary, a man called Oliver, address and circumstances unknown, whose testimony was wanted in some family matter. As Fentiman was unprovided with a passport and appeared to have no official authority for stopping and questioning travelers, and as his story seemed vague and his manner agitated, the local police had decided to detain Fentiman. Postlethwaite was allowed to proceed on his way, after leaving his address in England and his destination, which, as he contended, and as he produced papers and correspondence to prove, was Venice.

His lordship was right. On the fourth evening, "Sleuths Incorporated" called again. The detective in charge of the case had been relieved by Major Fentiman at 6 P.M. and had gone to grab dinner. When he returned to his post an hour later, he found a note waiting for him with the ticket collector at the top of the stairs. It read: "Just saw Oliver getting into a taxi. I'm following. Will update you in the refreshment room. Fentiman." The detective had to return to the refreshment room and wait for more information. "But all the while, my lord, the second man I put on as you instructed, my lord, was following the Major without him knowing." Soon, a call came through from Waterloo. "Oliver is on the Southampton train. I'm following." The detective rushed down to Waterloo, only to find the train had already left, so he took the next one. At Southampton, he inquired and found out that a man fitting Fentiman's description had caused a scene just as the Havre boat was leaving and had been forcefully removed at the request of an older man he seemed to have annoyed or attacked. Further investigation among the Port authorities revealed that Fentiman had followed this man down, had been disruptive on the train, and had been warned off by the guard, then caught up with him again on the gangway and tried to stop him from boarding. The man had shown his passport and identification, proving he was a retired manufacturer named Postlethwaite from Kew. Fentiman insisted, however, that he was actually a man named Oliver, with no known address or background, whose testimony was needed in a family matter. Since Fentiman didn’t have a passport and seemed to lack any official authority to stop and question travelers, and since his story sounded vague and he appeared agitated, the local police decided to detain Fentiman. Postlethwaite was allowed to continue on his way after leaving his address in England and stating that his destination, which he claimed and supported with documents and correspondence, was Venice.

The sleuth went round to the police-station, where he found Fentiman, apoplectic with fury, threatening proceedings for false imprisonment. He was able to get him released, however, on bearing witness to Fentiman's identity and good faith, and after persuading him to give a promise to keep the peace. He had then reminded Fentiman that private persons were not entitled to assault or arrest peaceable people against whom no charge could be made, pointing out to him that his proper course, when Oliver denied being Oliver, would have been to follow on quietly and keep a watch on him, while communicating with Wimsey or Mr. Murbles or Sleuths Incorporated. He added that he was himself now waiting at Southampton for further instructions from Lord Peter. Should he follow to Venice, or send his subordinate, or should he return to London? In view of the frank behavior of Mr. Postlethwaite, it seemed probable that a genuine mistake had been made as to identity, but Fentiman insisted that he was not mistaken.

The detective went over to the police station, where he found Fentiman, furious and ready to take action for false imprisonment. However, he was able to get Fentiman released after confirming his identity and good intentions, and convincing him to promise to behave. He then reminded Fentiman that private citizens can’t assault or arrest peaceful people without any charges being made. He pointed out that the right thing to do when Oliver claimed he wasn’t Oliver would have been to quietly follow him and keep an eye on him while letting Wimsey or Mr. Murbles or Sleuths Incorporated know. He added that he himself was currently waiting in Southampton for further instructions from Lord Peter. Should he go to Venice, send his assistant, or head back to London? Given Mr. Postlethwaite's honest behavior, it seemed likely that a genuine mix-up had occurred regarding identity, but Fentiman insisted he was right.

Lord Peter, holding the trunk line, considered for a moment. Then he laughed.

Lord Peter, gripping the phone line, paused for a moment. Then he chuckled.

"Where is Major Fentiman?" he asked.

"Where's Major Fentiman?" he asked.

"Returning to town, my lord. I have represented to him that I have now all the necessary information to go upon, and that his presence in Venice would only hamper my movements, now that he had made himself known to the party."

"Returning to town, my lord. I have informed him that I now have all the necessary information to proceed, and that his presence in Venice would only hinder my actions, now that he has revealed himself to the group."

"Quite so. Well, I think you might as well send your man on to Venice, just in case it's a true bill. And listen".... He gave some further instructions, ending with: "And ask Major Fentiman to come and see me as soon as he arrives."

"Absolutely. I think you should go ahead and send your guy to Venice, just in case it's a valid claim. And listen".... He provided some additional instructions, finishing with: "And tell Major Fentiman to come and see me as soon as he gets here."

"Certainly, my lord."

"Of course, my lord."

"What price the gypsy's warning now?" said Lord Peter, as he communicated this piece of intelligence to Bunter.

"What good is the gypsy's warning now?" said Lord Peter, as he shared this information with Bunter.

Major Fentiman came round to the flat that afternoon, in a whirl of apology and indignation.

Major Fentiman came by the apartment that afternoon, full of apologies and anger.

"I'm sorry, old man. It was damned stupid of me, but I lost my temper. To hear that fellow calmly denying that he had ever seen me or poor old grandfather, and coming out with his bits of evidence so pat, put my bristles up. Of course, I see now that I made a mistake. I quite realize that I ought to have followed him up quietly. But how was I to know that he wouldn't answer to his name?"

"I'm sorry, old man. It was really stupid of me, but I lost my temper. Hearing that guy calmly deny he had ever seen me or my poor old grandfather, and coming up with his bits of evidence so confidently, really irritated me. Of course, I see now that I made a mistake. I completely realize I should have approached him quietly. But how was I supposed to know he wouldn't respond to his name?"

"But you ought to have guessed when he didn't, that either you had made a mistake or that he had some very good motive for trying to get away," said Wimsey.

"But you should have figured out when he didn't that either you made a mistake or he had a really good reason for trying to escape," said Wimsey.

"I wasn't accusing him of anything."

"I wasn't blaming him for anything."

"Of course not, but he seems to have thought you were."

"Of course not, but he seems to have thought you were."

"But why?—I mean, when I first spoke to him, I just said, 'Mr. Oliver, I think?' And he said, 'You are mistaken.' And I said, 'Surely not. My name's Fentiman, and you knew my grandfather, old General Fentiman.' And he said he hadn't the pleasure. So I explained that we wanted to know where the old boy had spent the night before he died, and he looked at me as if I was a lunatic. That annoyed me, and I said I knew he was Oliver, and then he complained to the guard. And when I saw him just trying to hop off like that, without giving us any help, and when I thought about that half-million, it made me so mad I just collared him. 'Oh, no, you don't,' I said—and that was how the fun began, don't you see."

"But why?—I mean, when I first talked to him, I just said, 'Mr. Oliver, I think?' And he replied, 'You’re mistaken.' Then I said, 'Surely not. My name’s Fentiman, and you knew my grandfather, old General Fentiman.' He said he didn’t have the pleasure. So I explained that we wanted to know where the old guy spent the night before he died, and he looked at me like I was crazy. That annoyed me, so I told him I knew he was Oliver, and then he complained to the guard. When I saw him trying to get away like that, without giving us any help, and when I thought about that half-million, it made me so mad that I just grabbed him. 'Oh, no, you don’t,' I said—and that was how the fun began, you see."

"I see perfectly," said Wimsey. "But don't you see, that if he really is Oliver and has gone off in that elaborate manner, with false passports and everything, he must have something important to conceal."

"I see perfectly," said Wimsey. "But can't you see that if he really is Oliver and has left in such a complicated way, with fake passports and all, he must have something significant to hide?"

Fentiman's jaw dropped.

Fentiman was amazed.

"You don't mean—you don't mean there's anything funny about the death? Oh! surely not."

"You can't be serious—are you saying there's something humorous about death? Oh! definitely not."

"There must be something funny about Oliver, anyway, mustn't there? On your own showing?"

"There has to be something funny about Oliver, right? Based on what you've said?"

"Well, if you look at it that way, I suppose there must. I tell you what, he's probably got into some bother or other and is clearing out. Debt, or a woman, or something. Of course that must be it. And I was beastly inconvenient popping up like that. So he pushed me off. I see it all now. Well, in that case, we'd better let him rip. We can't get him back, and I daresay he won't be able to tell us anything after all."

"Well, if you think about it that way, I guess there must be a reason. I bet he's gotten himself into some trouble and is just trying to get away. Maybe it's about money, or a girl, or something similar. That’s definitely it. And I was really annoying showing up like that. So he pushed me away. I understand it all now. Well, if that's the case, we should just let him go. We can't bring him back, and I doubt he'll be able to tell us anything after all."

"That's possible, of course. But when you bear in mind that he seems to have disappeared from Gatti's, where you used to see him, almost immediately after the General's death, doesn't it look rather as though he was afraid of being connected up with that particular incident?"

"That's definitely possible. But considering that he seems to have vanished from Gatti's, where you used to see him, almost right after the General died, doesn't it seem like he was worried about being linked to that specific event?"

Fentiman wriggled uncomfortably.

Fentiman fidgeted awkwardly.

"Oh, but, hang it all! What could he have to do with the old man's death?"

"Oh, come on! What could he possibly have to do with the old man's death?"

"I don't know. But I think we might try to find out."

"I don't know. But I think we should try to find out."

"How?"

"How?"

"Well, we might apply for an exhumation order."

"Well, we might request an exhumation order."

"Dig him up!" cried Fentiman, scandalized.

"Dig him up!" shouted Fentiman, shocked.

"Yes. There was no post-mortem, you know."

"Yeah. There was no autopsy, you know."

"No, but Penberthy knew all about it and gave the certificate."

"No, but Penberthy was fully aware of it and issued the certificate."

"Yes; but at that time there was no reason to suppose that anything was wrong."

"Yeah; but at that point, there was no reason to think that anything was wrong."

"And there isn't now."

"And there isn't anymore."

"There are a number of peculiar circumstances, to say the least."

"There are quite a few strange situations, to say the least."

"There's only Oliver—and I may have been mistaken about him."

"There's just Oliver—and I might have been wrong about him."

"But I thought you were so sure?"

"But I thought you were absolutely certain?"

"So I was. But—this is preposterous, Wimsey! Besides, think what a scandal it would make!"

"So I was. But—this is ridiculous, Wimsey! Plus, think about the scandal it would create!"

"Why should it? You are the executor. You can make a private application and the whole thing can be done quite privately."

"Why should it? You’re the executor. You can submit a private application, and the whole process can be handled quite discreetly."

"Yes, but surely the Home Office would never consent, on such flimsy grounds."

"Yes, but the Home Office would never agree to that based on such weak reasons."

"I'll see that they do. They'll know I wouldn't be keen on anything flimsy. Little bits of fluff were never in my line."

"I'll make sure they do. They’ll know I’m not into anything weak. Little bits of fluff were never my thing."

"Oh, do be serious. What reason can we give?"

"Oh, come on, be serious. What reason can we give?"

"Quite apart from Oliver, we can give a very good one. We can say that we want to examine the contents of the viscera to see how soon the General died after taking his last meal. That might be of great assistance in solving the question of the survivorship. And the law, generally speaking, is nuts on what they call the orderly devolution of property."

"Setting Oliver aside, we can provide a solid argument. We can claim that we want to check the organs to determine how soon the General died after his last meal. That could be very helpful in figuring out the issue of who survived. And the law, in general, is really strict about what they refer to as the proper transfer of property."

"Hold on! D'you mean to say you can tell when a bloke died just by looking inside his tummy?"

"Wait! Are you saying you can tell when a guy died just by looking inside his stomach?"

"Not exactly, of course. But one might get an idea. If we found, that is, that he'd only that moment swallowed his brekker, it would show that he'd died not very long after arriving at the Club."

"Not exactly, of course. But one might get an idea. If we found, that is, that he'd just finished his breakfast, it would indicate that he died shortly after arriving at the Club."

"Good lord!—that would be a poor look-out for me."

"Good lord! That would be a bad situation for me."

"It might be the other way, you know."

"It could be the opposite, you know."

"I don't like it, Wimsey. It's very unpleasant. I wish to goodness we could compromise on it."

"I really don't like it, Wimsey. It's quite uncomfortable. I seriously wish we could reach a compromise on this."

"But the lady in the case won't compromise. You know that. We've got to get at the facts somehow. I shall certainly get Murbles to suggest the exhumation to Pritchard."

"But the woman involved won't budge. You know that. We have to uncover the facts somehow. I'll definitely get Murbles to propose the exhumation to Pritchard."

"Oh, lord! What'll he do?"

"Oh, man! What'll he do?"

"Pritchard? If he's an honest man and his client's an honest woman, they'll support the application. If they don't, I shall fancy they've something to conceal."

"Pritchard? If he's an honest man and his client's an honest woman, they'll back the application. If they don’t, I’ll suspect they have something to hide."

"I wouldn't put it past them. They're a low-down lot. But they can't do anything without my consent, can they?"

"I wouldn't underestimate them. They're a shady group. But they can't do anything without my approval, right?"

"Not exactly—at least, not without a lot of trouble and publicity. But if you're an honest man, you'll give your consent. You've nothing to conceal, I suppose?"

"Not really—at least, not without a lot of hassle and attention. But if you're an honest man, you'll agree. You've got nothing to hide, right?"

"Of course not. Still, it seems rather——"

"Of course not. Still, it seems kind of——"

"They suspect us already of some kind of dirty work," persisted Wimsey. "That brute Pritchard as good as told me so. I'm expecting every day to hear that he has suggested exhumation off his own bat. I'd rather we got in first with it."

"They already suspect us of some kind of shady business," Wimsey insisted. "That jerk Pritchard practically told me as much. I’m just waiting for the day he suggests digging up a body on his own. I’d prefer we do it first."

"If that's the case, I suppose we must do it. But I can't believe it'll do a bit of good, and it's sure to get round and make an upheaval. Isn't there some other way—you're so darned clever——"

"If that's the case, I guess we have to do it. But I can't believe it will help at all, and it's definitely going to spread and cause a big issue. Isn't there another way—you're so incredibly smart——"

"Look here, Fentiman. Do you want to get at the facts? Or are you out to collar the cash by hook or by crook? You may as well tell me frankly which it is."

"Listen up, Fentiman. Do you want to get to the truth? Or are you just trying to grab the money by any means necessary? You might as well be honest with me about which it is."

"Of course I want to get at the facts."

"Of course I want to get to the facts."

"Very well; I've told you the next step to take."

"Alright; I've explained the next step for you to take."

"Damn it all," said Fentiman, discontentedly; "I suppose it'll have to be done, then. But I don't know whom to apply to or how to do it."

"Damn it all," Fentiman said, feeling frustrated. "I guess it has to be done. But I have no idea who to ask or how to go about it."

"Sit down, then, and I'll dictate the letter for you."

"Sit down and I'll dictate the letter for you."

From this there was no escape, and Robert Fentiman did as he was told, grumbling.

From this, there was no way out, and Robert Fentiman did what he was told, grumbling.

"There's George. I ought to consult him."

"There's George. I should ask him for advice."

"It doesn't concern George, except indirectly. That's right. Now write to Murbles, telling him what you're doing and instructing him to let the other party know."

"It doesn't really involve George, except in a roundabout way. That's correct. Now write to Murbles, telling him what you're up to and instructing him to inform the other party."

"Oughtn't we to consult about the whole thing with Murbles first?"

"Shouldn't we discuss the whole thing with Murbles first?"

"I've already consulted Murbles, and he agrees it's the thing to do."

"I've already talked to Murbles, and he thinks it's the right thing to do."

"These fellows would agree to anything that means fees and trouble."

"These guys would agree to anything that involves fees and hassle."

"Just so. Still, solicitors are necessary evils. Is that finished?"

"Exactly. Still, lawyers are necessary evils. Is that done?"

"Yes."

"Yeah."

"Give the letters to me; I'll see they're posted. Now you needn't worry any more about it. Murbles and I will see to it all, and the detective-wallah is looking after Oliver all right, so you can run away and play."

"Give me the letters; I'll make sure they get mailed. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. Murbles and I will take care of everything, and the detective is keeping an eye on Oliver, so you can go ahead and have fun."

"You——"

"You—"

"I'm sure you're going to say how good it is of me to take all this trouble. Delighted, I'm sure. It's of no consequence. A pleasure, in fact. Have a drink."

"I'm sure you're going to say how great it is that I'm going through all this trouble. Thrilled, I'm sure. It doesn't matter. It's actually a pleasure. Have a drink."

The disconcerted major refused the drink rather shortly and prepared to depart.

The confused major quickly declined the drink and got ready to leave.

"You mustn't think I'm not grateful, Wimsey, and all that. But it is rather unseemly."

"You shouldn't think I'm not grateful, Wimsey, and everything. But it is a bit inappropriate."

"With all your experience," said Wimsey, "you oughtn't to be so sensitive about corpses. We've seen many things much unseemlier than a nice, quiet little resurrection in a respectable cemetery."

"With all your experience," Wimsey said, "you shouldn't be so sensitive about corpses. We've encountered way worse things than a nice, quiet little resurrection in a respectable cemetery."

"Oh, I don't care twopence about the corpse," retorted the Major, "but the thing doesn't look well. That's all."

"Oh, I don't care at all about the corpse," the Major shot back, "but it just doesn't look good. That's all."

"Think of the money," grinned Wimsey, shutting the door of the flat upon him.

"Think about the money," Wimsey said with a grin, closing the door of the apartment behind him.

He returned to the library, balancing the two letters in his hand. "There's many a man now walking the streets of London," said he, "through not clearing trumps. Take these letters to the post, Bunter. And Mr. Parker will be dining here with me this evening. We will have a perdrix aux choux and a savory to follow, and you can bring up two bottles of the Chambertin."

He went back to the library, holding two letters in his hand. "There are plenty of guys out on the streets of London," he said, "because they didn't manage their finances. Take these letters to the post, Bunter. And Mr. Parker will be having dinner with me tonight. We'll have a perdrix aux choux and a savory dish afterward, and you can bring up two bottles of Chambertin."

"Very good, my lord."

"Very good, my lord."

Wimsey's next proceeding was to write a little confidential note to an official whom he knew very well at the Home Office. This done, he returned to the telephone and asked for Penberthy's number.

Wimsey's next move was to write a brief confidential note to an official he knew well at the Home Office. After that, he went back to the phone and requested Penberthy's number.

"That you, Penberthy?... Wimsey speaking.... Look here, old man, you know that Fentiman business?... Yes, well, we're applying for an exhumation."

"Is that you, Penberthy?... It's Wimsey... Listen, man, about that Fentiman case?... Yeah, well, we're requesting an exhumation."

"For a what?"

"For a what?"

"An exhumation. Nothing to do with your certificate. We know that's all right. It's just by way of getting a bit more information about when the beggar died."

"An exhumation. It has nothing to do with your certificate. We know that's fine. It's just a way to gather a bit more information about when the beggar died."

He outlined his suggestion.

He shared his suggestion.

"Think there's something in it?"

"Do you think there's something to it?"

"There might be, of course."

"There could be, of course."

"Glad to hear you say that. I'm a layman in these matters, but it occurred to me as a good idea."

"Great to hear you say that. I'm not an expert in these things, but it seemed like a good idea to me."

"Very ingenious."

"Very clever."

"I always was a bright lad. You'll have to be present, of course."

"I’ve always been a smart guy. You’ll need to be there, of course."

"Am I to do the autopsy?"

"Am I supposed to do the autopsy?"

"If you like. Lubbock will do the analysis."

"If you want, Lubbock will handle the analysis."

"Analysis of what?"

"What are we analyzing?"

"Contents of the doings. Whether he had kidneys on toast or eggs and bacon and all that."

"Contents of the activities. Whether he had kidneys on toast or eggs and bacon and all that."

"Oh, I see. I doubt if you'll get much from that, after all this time."

"Oh, I get it. I seriously doubt you'll get much out of that, considering how much time has passed."

"Possibly not, but Lubbock had better have a squint at it."

"Maybe not, but Lubbock should definitely take a look at it."

"Yes, certainly. As I gave the certificate, it's better that my findings should be checked by somebody."

"Yes, of course. Since I issued the certificate, it's best that my findings be verified by someone else."

"Exactly. I knew you'd feel that way. You quite understand about it?"

"Exactly. I knew you'd feel that way. Do you understand it?"

"Perfectly. Of course, if we'd had any idea there was going to be all this uncertainty, I'd have made a post-mortem at the time."

"Absolutely. If we had known there would be so much uncertainty, I would have done a thorough review back then."

"Naturally you would. Well, it can't be helped. All in the day's work. I'll let you know when it's to be. I suppose the Home Office will send somebody along. I thought I ought just to let you know about it."

"Of course you would. There's nothing we can do about it. Just part of the job. I'll inform you when it's happening. I guess the Home Office will send someone over. I just thought I should give you a heads up."

"Very good of you. Yes. I'm glad to know. Hope nothing unpleasant will come out."

"That's really nice of you. Yes. I'm glad to hear that. I hope nothing bad comes up."

"Thinking of your certificate?"

"Thinking about your certificate?"

"Oh, well—no—I'm not worrying much about that. Though you never know, of course. I was thinking of that rigor, you know. Seen Captain Fentiman lately?"

"Oh, well—no—I'm not too worried about that. But you never know, of course. I was thinking about that strictness, you know. Have you seen Captain Fentiman lately?"

"Yes. I didn't mention—"

"Yes. I didn't say—"

"No. Better not, unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Well, I'll hear from you later, then?"

"No, let's not do that unless it's really necessary. So, I'll hear from you later?"

"That's the idea. Good-bye."

"That's the plan. Bye."

That day was a day of incident.

That day was busy.

About four o'clock a messenger arrived, panting, from Mr. Murbles. (Mr. Murbles refused to have his chambers desecrated by a telephone.) Mr. Murbles' compliments, and would Lord Peter be good enough to read this note and let Mr. Murbles have an immediate answer.

About four o'clock, a messenger arrived, out of breath, from Mr. Murbles. (Mr. Murbles insisted on not having a telephone in his office.) Mr. Murbles sends his regards, and would Lord Peter be kind enough to read this note and give Mr. Murbles an immediate response?

The note ran:

The note said:

"Dear Lord Peter,

"Dear Lord Peter,"

"In re Fentiman deceased. Mr. Pritchard has called. He informs me that his client is now willing to compromise on a division of the money if the Court will permit. Before I consult my client, Major Fentiman, I should be greatly obliged by your opinion as to how the investigation stands at present.

"In re Fentiman deceased. Mr. Pritchard has reached out. He tells me that his client is now open to negotiating a split of the money if the Court allows it. Before I talk to my client, Major Fentiman, I would really appreciate your thoughts on the current status of the investigation."

"Yours faithfully,
"Jno. Murbles."

"Best regards,
"Jno. Murbles."

Lord Peter replied as follows:

Lord Peter responded as follows:

"Dear Mr. Murbles,

"Dear Mr. Murbles,"

"Re Fentiman deceased. Too late to compromise now, unless you are willing to be party to a fraud. I warned you, you know. Robert has applied for exhumation. Can you dine with me at 8?

"Regarding Fentiman, who has passed away. It's too late to settle now, unless you want to be part of a scam. I warned you, you know. Robert has requested an exhumation. Can you have dinner with me at 8?"

"P. W."

"P. W."

Having sent this off his lordship rang for Bunter.

Having sent this off, his lordship called for Bunter.

"Bunter, as you know, I seldom drink champagne. But I am inclined to do so now. Bring a glass for yourself as well."

"Bunter, as you know, I rarely drink champagne. But I'm in the mood for some now. Bring a glass for yourself too."

The cork popped merrily, and Lord Peter rose to his feet.

The cork popped cheerfully, and Lord Peter got up.

"Bunter," said he, "I give you a toast. The triumph of Instinct over Reason!"

"Bunter," he said, "I raise a toast to you. The victory of Instinct over Reason!"


CHAPTER XII

Lord Peter Turns A Trick

Lord Peter Pulls A Trick

Detective-Inspector Parker came to dinner encircled in a comfortable little halo of glory. The Crate Mystery had turned out well and the Chief Commissioner had used expressions suggestive of promotion in the immediate future. Parker did justice to his meal and, when the party had adjourned to the library, gave his attention to Lord Peter's account of the Bellona affair with the cheerful appreciation of a connoisseur sampling a vintage port. Mr. Murbles, on the other hand, grew more and more depressed as the story was unfolded.

Detective Inspector Parker arrived for dinner surrounded by a cozy glow of success. The Crate Mystery had wrapped up nicely, and the Chief Commissioner had hinted at a possible promotion soon. Parker enjoyed his meal, and when the group moved to the library, he listened to Lord Peter's recounting of the Bellona case with the eager interest of a connoisseur tasting a fine wine. Mr. Murbles, on the other hand, became increasingly gloomy as the story went on.

"And what do you think of it?" inquired Wimsey.

"And what do you think about it?" Wimsey asked.

Parker opened his mouth to reply, but Mr. Murbles was beforehand with him.

Parker opened his mouth to respond, but Mr. Murbles beat him to it.

"This Oliver appears to be a very elusive person," said he.

"This Oliver seems to be a really hard person to pin down," he said.

"Isn't he?" agreed Wimsey, dryly. "Almost as elusive as the famous Mrs. Harris. Would it altogether surprise you to learn that when I asked a few discreet questions at Gatti's, I discovered not only that nobody there had the slightest recollection of Oliver, but that no inquiries about him had ever been made by Major Fentiman?"

"Isn't he?" Wimsey replied dryly. "Almost as hard to pin down as the famous Mrs. Harris. Would it really surprise you to find out that when I asked a few discreet questions at Gatti's, I found out not only that nobody there remembered Oliver at all, but that Major Fentiman had never asked about him either?"

"Oh, dear me!" said Mr. Murbles.

"Oh no!" said Mr. Murbles.

"You forced Fentiman's hand very ingeniously by sending him down with your private sleuth to Charing Cross," remarked Parker, approvingly.

"You cleverly put Fentiman in a tight spot by sending him down to Charing Cross with your private investigator," Parker said, nodding in approval.

"Well, you see, I had a feeling that unless we did something pretty definite, Oliver would keep vanishing and reappearing like the Cheshire Cat, whenever our investigations seemed to be taking an awkward turn."

"Well, you see, I had a feeling that unless we did something clear and decisive, Oliver would keep disappearing and showing up again like the Cheshire Cat, whenever our investigations started to get a bit tricky."

"You are intimating, if I understand you rightly," said Mr. Murbles, "that this Oliver has no real existence."

"You’re suggesting, if I understand you correctly," said Mr. Murbles, "that this Oliver doesn’t actually exist."

"Oliver was the carrot on the donkey's nose," said Peter, "my noble self being cast for the part of the donkey. Not caring for the rôle, I concocted a carrot of my own, in the person of Sleuths Incorporated. No sooner did my trusting sleuth depart to his lunch than, lo and behold! the hue and cry is off again after Oliver. Away goes friend Fentiman—and away goes Sleuth Number Two, who was there all the time, neatly camouflaged, to keep his eye on Fentiman. Why Fentiman should have gone to the length of assaulting a perfect stranger and accuse him of being Oliver, I don't know. I fancy his passion for thoroughness made him over-reach himself a bit there."

"Oliver was like the carrot on the donkey's nose," Peter said, "with me playing the role of the donkey. Not really wanting that part, I created my own carrot in the form of Sleuths Incorporated. As soon as my trusting sleuth left for lunch, suddenly the chase for Oliver began again. Off goes my friend Fentiman—and off goes Sleuth Number Two, who was hiding there the whole time, keeping an eye on Fentiman. I have no idea why Fentiman would assault a complete stranger and accuse him of being Oliver. I think his obsession with being thorough made him go a bit too far."

"But what exactly has Major Fentiman been doing?" asked Mr. Murbles. "This is a very painful business, Lord Peter. It distresses me beyond words. Do you suspect him of—er—?"

"But what has Major Fentiman been up to?" asked Mr. Murbles. "This is a very difficult situation, Lord Peter. It upsets me more than I can say. Do you think he might—um—?"

"Well," said Wimsey, "I knew something odd had happened, you know, as soon as I saw the General's body—when I pulled the Morning Post away so easily from his hands. If he had really died clutching it, the rigor would have made his clutch so tight that one would have had to pry the fingers open to release it. And then, that knee-joint!"

"Well," said Wimsey, "I knew something strange had happened, you know, as soon as I saw the General's body—when I pulled the Morning Post away so easily from his hands. If he had actually died holding it, the rigor mortis would have made his grip so tight that you would have had to pry his fingers open to free it. And then, that knee joint!"

"I didn't quite follow about that."

"I didn't really get that."

"Well, you know that when a man dies, rigor begins to set in after a period of some hours, varying according to the cause of death, temperature of the room and a lot of other conditions. It starts in the face and jaw and extends gradually over the body. Usually it lasts about twenty-four hours and then passes off again in the same order in which it started. But if, during the period of rigidity, you loosen one of the joints by main force, then it doesn't stiffen again, but remains loose. Which is why, in a hospital, if the nurses have carelessly let a patient die and stiffen with his knees up, they call in the largest and fattest person on the staff to sit on the corpse's knees and break the joints loose again."

"Well, you know that when someone dies, rigor mortis starts to set in after a few hours, depending on the cause of death, the room temperature, and a bunch of other factors. It begins in the face and jaw and gradually spreads over the body. Typically, it lasts about twenty-four hours and then goes away in the same sequence it arrived. However, if you forcibly loosen one of the joints during this rigid stage, it won't stiffen up again and will stay loose. That's why in a hospital, if nurses have accidentally let a patient die with their knees bent, they call in the biggest person on the staff to sit on the deceased's knees and loosen the joints again."

Mr. Murbles shuddered distastefully.

Mr. Murbles shuddered in disgust.

"So that, taking the loose knee-joint and the general condition of the body together, it was obvious from the start that somebody had been tampering with the General. Penberthy knew that too, of course, only, being a doctor, he wasn't going to make any indiscreet uproar if he could avoid it. It doesn't pay, you know."

"So, considering the loose knee joint and the overall condition of the body, it was clear from the beginning that someone had been messing with the General. Penberthy realized this as well, but being a doctor, he wasn’t going to create a scene if he could help it. It’s not worth it, you know."

"I suppose not."

"I guess not."

"Well, then, you came round to me, sir, and insisted on making the uproar. I warned you, you know, to let sleeping dogs lie."

"Well, then, you came over to me, sir, and insisted on causing a commotion. I warned you, you know, to leave things alone."

"I wish you had spoken more openly."

"I wish you had talked more openly."

"If I had, would you have cared to hush the matter up?"

"If I had, would you have bothered to keep it quiet?"

"Well, well," said Mr. Murbles, polishing his eye-glasses.

"Well, well," said Mr. Murbles, cleaning his glasses.

"Just so. The next step was to try and find out what had actually happened to the General on the night of the 10th, and morning of the 11th. And the moment I got round to his flat I was faced with two entirely contradictory pieces of evidence. First, there was the story about Oliver, which appeared more or less remarkable upon the face of it. And secondly, there was Woodward's evidence about the clothes."

"Exactly. The next step was to figure out what really happened to the General on the night of the 10th and the morning of the 11th. As soon as I got to his apartment, I encountered two completely conflicting pieces of evidence. First, there was the story about Oliver, which seemed quite astonishing at first glance. And second, there was Woodward's testimony regarding the clothes."

"What about them?"

"What about those?"

"I asked him, you remember, whether anything at all had been removed from the clothes after he had fetched them away from the cloak-room at the Bellona, and he said, nothing. His memory as to other points seemed pretty reliable, and I felt sure that he was honest and straightforward. So I was forced to the conclusion that, wherever the General had spent the night, he had certainly never set foot in the street the next morning."

"I asked him, remember, if anything had been taken from the clothes after he picked them up from the cloakroom at the Bellona, and he said no. He seemed pretty reliable about other details, and I was convinced he was honest and straightforward. So I concluded that, no matter where the General spent the night, he definitely never stepped outside on the following morning."

"Why?" asked Mr. Murbles. "What did you expect to find on the clothes?"

"Why?" Mr. Murbles asked. "What were you hoping to find on the clothes?"

"My dear sir, consider what day it was. November 11th. Is it conceivable that, if the old man had been walking in the streets as a free agent on Armistice Day, he would have gone into the Club without his Flanders poppy? A patriotic, military old bird like that? It was really unthinkable."

"My dear sir, think about what day it was. November 11th. Is it possible that if the old man had been roaming the streets as a free man on Armistice Day, he would have entered the Club without his Flanders poppy? A patriotic, military old guy like him? It was truly unimaginable."

"Then where was he? And how did he get into the Club? He was there, you know."

"Then where was he? And how did he get into the Club? He was there, you know."

"True; he was there—in a state of advanced rigor. In fact, according to Penberthy's account, which, by the way, I had checked by the woman who laid out the body later, the rigor was even then beginning to pass off. Making every possible allowance for the warmth of the room and so on, he must have been dead long before ten in the morning, which was his usual time for going to the Club."

"True; he was there—in a state of advanced rigor. In fact, according to Penberthy's account, which I had confirmed with the woman who prepared the body later, the rigor was starting to let up. Considering the warmth of the room and other factors, he must have been dead well before ten in the morning, which was when he usually went to the Club."

"But, my dear lad, bless my soul, that's impossible. He couldn't have been carried in there dead. Somebody would have noticed it."

"But, my dear boy, oh my gosh, that's impossible. He couldn't have been brought in there dead. Someone would have noticed."

"So they would. And the odd thing is that nobody ever saw him arrive at all. What is more, nobody saw him leave for the last time on the previous evening. General Fentiman—one of the best-known figures in the Club! And he seems to have become suddenly invisible. That won't do, you know."

"So they would. And the strange thing is that nobody ever saw him arrive at all. What's more, nobody saw him leave for the last time the evening before. General Fentiman—one of the most well-known figures in the Club! And he seems to have suddenly become invisible. That won't do, you know."

"What is your idea, then? That he slept the night in the Club?"

"What do you think happened? That he spent the night at the Club?"

"I think he slept a very peaceful and untroubled sleep that night—in the Club."

"I think he had a really peaceful and undisturbed sleep that night—in the Club."

"You shock me inexpressibly," said Mr. Murbles. "I understand you to suggest that he died—"

"You shock me beyond words," said Mr. Murbles. "Are you implying that he died—"

"Some time the previous evening. Yes."

"Some time the night before. Yeah."

"But he couldn't have sat there all night in the smoking-room. The servants would have been bound to—er—notice him."

"But he couldn't have just sat there all night in the smoking room. The staff would have definitely noticed him."

"Of course. But it was to somebody's interest to see that they didn't notice. Somebody who wanted it thought that he hadn't died till the following day, after the death of Lady Dormer."

"Of course. But it was in someone's interest to make sure they didn't notice. Someone who wanted it believed that he hadn't died until the next day, after Lady Dormer's death."

"Robert Fentiman."

"Robert Fentiman."

"Precisely."

"Exactly."

"But how did Robert know about Lady Dormer?"

"But how did Robert find out about Lady Dormer?"

"Ah! That is a point I'm not altogether happy about. George had an interview with General Fentiman after the old man's visit to his sister. George denies that the General mentioned anything to him about the will, but then, if George was in the plot he naturally would deny it. I am rather concerned about George."

"Ah! That's a point I'm not completely okay with. George had a meeting with General Fentiman after the old man visited his sister. George claims that the General didn’t say anything to him about the will, but if George was involved in the scheme, he would naturally deny it. I'm a bit worried about George."

"What had he to gain?"

"What did he have to gain?"

"Well, if George's information was going to make a difference of half a million to Robert, he would naturally expect to be given a share of the boodle, don't you think?"

"Well, if George's information was going to make a difference of half a million to Robert, he would naturally expect to get a cut of the cash, don't you think?"

Mr. Murbles groaned.

Mr. Murbles groaned.

"Look here," broke in Parker, "this is a very pretty theory, Peter, but, allowing that the General died, as you say, on the evening of the tenth, where was the body? As Mr. Murbles says, it would have been a trifle noticeable if left about."

"Hey," interrupted Parker, "this is a nice theory, Peter, but assuming the General died, like you said, on the evening of the tenth, where's the body? As Mr. Murbles pointed out, it would have been a bit obvious if it was just lying around."

"No, no," said Mr. Murbles, seized with an idea. "Repellent as the whole notion is to me, I see no difficulty about that. Robert Fentiman was at that time living in the Club. No doubt the General died in Robert's bedroom and was concealed there till the next morning!"

"No, no," said Mr. Murbles, struck by a thought. "As awful as the whole idea is to me, I don't see any issue with that. Robert Fentiman was living at the Club at that time. It’s possible that the General died in Robert's room and was hidden there until the next morning!"

Wimsey shook his head. "That won't work. I think the General's hat and coat and things were in Robert's bedroom, but the corpse couldn't have been. Think, sir. Here is a photograph of the entrance-hall, with the big staircase running up in full view of the front door and the desk and the bar-entrance. Would you risk carrying a corpse downstairs in the middle of the morning, with servants and members passing in and out continually? And the service stairs would be even worse. They are right round the other side of the building, with continual kitchen traffic going on all the time. No. The body wasn't in Robert's bedroom."

Wimsey shook his head. "That won't work. I think the General's hat, coat, and other things were in Robert's bedroom, but the body couldn't have been. Think about it, sir. Here’s a photo of the entrance hall, with the big staircase clearly visible from the front door, the desk, and the bar entrance. Would you risk carrying a body downstairs in the middle of the morning, with servants and guests coming in and out all the time? And using the service stairs would be even worse. They're on the complete opposite side of the building, with constant kitchen activity happening all the time. No, the body wasn't in Robert's bedroom."

"Where, then?"

"Where to, then?"

"Yes, where? After all, Peter, we've got to make this story hold water."

"Yes, where? After all, Peter, we need to make this story work."

Wimsey spread the rest of the photographs out upon the table.

Wimsey laid the rest of the photographs out on the table.

"Look for yourselves," he said. "Here is the end bay of the library, where the General was sitting making notes about the money he was to inherit. A very nice, retired spot, invisible from the doorway, supplied with ink, blotter, writing-paper and every modern convenience, including the works of Charles Dickens elegantly bound in morocco. Here is a shot of the library taken from the smoking-room, clean through the ante-room and down the gangway—again a tribute to the convenience of the Bellona Club. Observe how handily the telephone cabinet is situated, in case—"

"Take a look for yourselves," he said. "Here’s the end section of the library, where the General used to sit jotting down notes about the money he was set to inherit. It’s a lovely, secluded spot, hidden from the doorway, stocked with ink, blotters, writing paper, and every modern convenience, including beautifully bound works of Charles Dickens in morocco leather. Here’s a shot of the library taken from the smoking room, right through the ante-room and down the hall—once again showing how convenient the Bellona Club is. Check out how conveniently the telephone cabinet is located, just in case—”

"The telephone cabinet?"

"The phone cabinet?"

"Which, you will remember, was so annoyingly labeled 'Out of Order' when Wetheridge wanted to telephone. I can't find anybody who remembers putting up that notice, by the way."

"Which, you’ll remember, was frustratingly labeled 'Out of Order' when Wetheridge wanted to make a call. I can’t find anyone who remembers putting up that sign, by the way."

"Good God, Wimsey. Impossible. Think of the risk."

"Good grief, Wimsey. No way. Consider the danger."

"What risk? If anybody opened the door, there was old General Fentiman, who had gone in, not seeing the notice, and died of fury at not being able to get his call. Agitation acting on a weak heart and all that. Not very risky, really. Unless somebody was to think to inquire about the notice, and probably it wouldn't occur to any one in the excitement of the moment."

"What risk? If anyone opened the door, there was old General Fentiman, who had walked in without seeing the notice and died from anger at not being able to take his call. Stress acting on a weak heart and all that. Not very risky, really. Unless someone thought to check the notice, which probably wouldn't cross anyone's mind in the heat of the moment."

"You're an ingenious beast, Wimsey."

"You're a brilliant beast, Wimsey."

"Aren't I? But we can prove it. We're going down to the Bellona Club to prove it now. Half-past eleven. A nice, quiet time. Shall I tell you what we are going to find inside that cabinet?"

"Aren't I? But we can prove it. We're heading to the Bellona Club to prove it now. It's half-past eleven. A nice, quiet time. Should I tell you what we're going to find inside that cabinet?"

"Finger-prints?" suggested Mr. Murbles, eagerly.

“Fingerprints?” suggested Mr. Murbles, eagerly.

"Afraid that's too much to hope for after all this time. What do you say, Charles?"

"Afraid that's too much to expect after all this time. What do you think, Charles?"

"I say we shall find a long scratch on the paint," said Parker, "where the foot of the corpse rested and stiffened in that position."

"I think we'll find a long scratch on the paint," Parker said, "where the foot of the body lay and stiffened in that position."

"Holed it in one, Charles. And that, you see, was when the leg had to be bent with violence in order to drag the corpse out."

"Got it in one, Charles. And that’s when we had to bend the leg forcefully to pull the body out."

"And as the body was in a sitting position," pursued Parker, "we shall, of course, find a seat inside the cabinet."

"And since the body was sitting," continued Parker, "we'll definitely find a seat inside the cabinet."

"Yes, and, with luck, we may find a projecting nail or something which caught the General's trouser-leg when the body was removed."

"Yes, and hopefully, we might find a protruding nail or something that snagged the General's trouser leg when the body was taken away."

"And possibly a bit of carpet."

"And maybe a little bit of carpet."

"To match the fragment of thread I got off the corpse's right boot? I hope so."

"To match the piece of thread I pulled from the corpse's right boot? I hope so."

"Bless my soul," said Mr. Murbles. "Let us go at once. Really, this is most exciting. That is, I am profoundly grieved. I hope it is not as you say."

"Goodness," said Mr. Murbles. "Let’s go right away. Honestly, this is so exciting. I mean, I’m truly upset. I hope it’s not as you say."

They hastened downstairs and stood for a few moments waiting for a taxi to pass. Suddenly Wimsey made a dive into a dark corner by the porch. There was a scuffle, and out into the light came a small man, heavily muffled in an overcoat, with his hat thrust down to his eyebrows in the manner of a stage detective. Wimsey unbonneted him with the air of a conjuror producing a rabbit from a hat.

They rushed downstairs and paused for a moment, waiting for a taxi to drive by. Suddenly, Wimsey jumped into a dark corner by the porch. There was a struggle, and a small man emerged into the light, bundled up in an overcoat, with his hat pulled down to his eyebrows like a stage detective. Wimsey lifted the hat off him with the flair of a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat.

"So it's you, is it? I thought I knew your face. What the devil do you mean by following people about like this?"

"So it’s you, huh? I thought I recognized your face. What on earth do you mean by stalking people like this?"

The man ceased struggling and glanced sharply up at him with a pair of dark, beady eyes.

The man stopped fighting and looked up at him sharply with a pair of dark, beady eyes.

"Do you think it wise, my lord, to use violence?"

"Do you think it's wise, my lord, to resort to violence?"

"Who is it?" asked Parker.

"Who's there?" asked Parker.

"Pritchard's clerk. He's been hanging round George Fentiman for days. Now he's hanging round me. He's probably the fellow that's been hanging round the Bellona. If you go on like this, my man, you'll find yourself hanging somewhere else one of these days. Now, see here. Do you want me to give you in charge?"

"Pritchard's clerk. He’s been hanging out with George Fentiman for days. Now he’s hanging out with me. He’s probably the guy who’s been loitering around the Bellona. If you keep this up, my friend, you’ll find yourself hanging out somewhere else pretty soon. Now, listen. Do you want me to report you?"

"That is entirely as your lordship pleases," said the clerk, with a cunning sneer. "There is a policeman just round the corner, if you wish to attract publicity."

"That’s completely up to you, my lord," said the clerk, with a sly grin. "There's a cop just around the corner if you want to make a scene."

Wimsey looked at him for a moment, and then began to laugh.

Wimsey stared at him for a moment, then started to laugh.

"When did you last see Mr. Pritchard? Come on, out with it! Yesterday? This morning? Have you seen him since lunch-time?"

"When did you last see Mr. Pritchard? Come on, spill it! Yesterday? This morning? Have you seen him since lunch?"

A shadow of indecision crossed the man's face.

A look of uncertainty crossed the man's face.

"You haven't? I'm sure you haven't! Have you?"

"You haven't? I'm sure you haven't! Have you?"

"And why not, my lord?"

"And why not, my dude?"

"You go back to Mr. Pritchard," said Wimsey, impressively, and shaking his captive gently by the coat-collar to add force to his words, "and if he doesn't countermand your instructions and call you off this sleuthing business (which, by the way, you do very amateurishly), I'll give you a fiver. See? Now, hop it. I know where to find you and you know where to find me. Good-night and may Morpheus hover over your couch and bless your slumbers. Here's our taxi."

"You go back to Mr. Pritchard," Wimsey said firmly, shaking his captive gently by the coat collar to emphasize his point. "And if he doesn't cancel your orders and get you to stop this detective work (which, by the way, you're doing very poorly), I'll give you five pounds. Got it? Now, scram. I know where to find you, and you know how to reach me. Good night, and may sleep treat you well. Here's our taxi."


CHAPTER XIII

Spades Are Trumps

Spades Are Trumped

It was close on one o'clock when the three men emerged from the solemn portals of the Bellona Club. Mr. Murbles was very much subdued. Wimsey and Parker displayed the sober elation of men whose calculations have proved satisfactory. They had found the scratches. They had found the nail in the seat of the chair. They had even found the carpet. Moreover, they had found the origin of Oliver. Reconstructing the crime, they had sat in the end bay of the library, as Robert Fentiman might have sat, casting his eyes around him while he considered how he could best hide and cover up this extremely inopportune decease. They had noticed how the gilt lettering on the back of a volume caught the gleam from the shaded reading lamp. "Oliver Twist." The name, not consciously noted at the time, had yet suggested itself an hour or so later to Fentiman, when, calling up from Charing Cross, he had been obliged to invent a surname on the spur of the moment.

It was almost one o'clock when the three men stepped out of the serious gates of the Bellona Club. Mr. Murbles was noticeably quiet. Wimsey and Parker showed the contented seriousness of men whose plans had worked out well. They had discovered the scratches. They had found the nail in the chair. They had even located the carpet. Additionally, they had traced the origins of Oliver. Putting the pieces of the crime together, they had sat in the far corner of the library, just like Robert Fentiman might have, looking around while he thought about how to best hide and cover up this very inconvenient death. They noticed how the gold lettering on the spine of a book reflected the light from the shaded reading lamp. "Oliver Twist." The name, not consciously acknowledged at the time, had nevertheless popped into Fentiman's mind an hour later when, calling from Charing Cross, he had to come up with a last name on the spot.

And, finally, placing the light, spare form of the unwilling Mr. Murbles in the telephone cabinet, Parker had demonstrated that a fairly tall and strong man could have extricated the body from the box, carried it into the smoking-room and arranged it in the arm-chair by the fire, all in something under four minutes.

And, finally, after putting the lightweight, reluctant Mr. Murbles in the telephone cabinet, Parker showed that a fairly tall and strong man could have pulled the body out of the box, carried it into the smoking room, and set it up in the armchair by the fire, all in just under four minutes.

Mr. Murbles made one last effort on behalf of his client.

Mr. Murbles made one final push for his client.

"There were people in the smoking-room all morning, my dear Lord Peter. If it were as you suggest, how could Fentiman have made sure of four, or even three minutes secure from observation while he brought the body in?"

"There were people in the smoking room all morning, my dear Lord Peter. If it was as you suggest, how could Fentiman have guaranteed four, or even three minutes without being seen while he brought the body in?"

"Were people there all morning, sir? Are you sure? Wasn't there just one period when one could be certain that everybody would be either out in the street or upstairs on the big balcony that runs along in front of the first-floor windows, looking out—and listening? It was Armistice Day, remember."

"Were people there all morning, sir? Are you sure? Wasn't there just one time when you could be certain that everyone would be either out in the street or up on the big balcony in front of the first-floor windows, looking out—and listening? It was Armistice Day, remember."

Mr. Murbles was horror-struck.

Mr. Murbles was terrified.

"The two-minutes' silence?—God bless my soul! How abominable! How—how blasphemous! Really, I cannot find words. This is the most disgraceful thing I ever heard of. At the moment when all our thoughts should be concentrated on the brave fellows who laid down their lives for us—to be engaged in perpetrating a fraud—an irreverent crime—"

"The two minutes of silence?—Oh my goodness! How awful! How—how disrespectful! Honestly, I can’t find the words. This is the most disgraceful thing I’ve ever heard. At the time when we should all be focused on the brave individuals who sacrificed their lives for us—to be caught up in committing a fraud—a disrespectful act—"

"Half a million is a good bit of money," said Parker, thoughtfully.

"Half a million is a lot of money," said Parker, thoughtfully.

"Horrible!" said Mr. Murbles.

"That’s awful!" said Mr. Murbles.

"Meanwhile," said Wimsey, "what do you propose to do about it?"

"Meanwhile," Wimsey said, "what are you planning to do about it?"

"Do?" spluttered the old solicitor, indignantly. "Do?—Robert Fentiman will have to confess to this disgraceful plot immediately. Bless my soul! To think that I should be mixed up in a thing like this! He will have to find another man of business in future. We shall have to explain matters to Pritchard and apologize. I really hardly know how to tell him such a thing."

"Do?" sputtered the old lawyer, outraged. "Do?—Robert Fentiman will have to come clean about this shameful scheme right away. Goodness! To think I could be involved in something like this! He’ll need to find another lawyer from now on. We’ll have to clarify things to Pritchard and say sorry. Honestly, I barely know how to break the news to him."

"I rather gather he suspects a good deal of it already," said Parker, mildly. "Else why should he have sent that clerk of his to spy on you and George Fentiman? I daresay he has been keeping tabs on Robert, too."

"I think he suspects quite a bit already," said Parker, casually. "Otherwise, why would he have sent his clerk to keep an eye on you and George Fentiman? I bet he’s been monitoring Robert as well."

"I shouldn't wonder," said Wimsey. "He certainly treated me like a conspirator when I called on him. The only thing that puzzles me now is why he should have suddenly offered to compromise."

"I shouldn't be surprised," said Wimsey. "He definitely treated me like I was part of a conspiracy when I visited him. The only thing that confuses me now is why he suddenly decided to offer a compromise."

"Probably Miss Dorland lost patience, or they despaired of proving anything," said Parker. "While Robert stuck to that Oliver story, it would be very hard to prove anything."

"Miss Dorland probably lost patience, or they gave up on proving anything," Parker said. "As long as Robert kept telling that Oliver story, it would be really difficult to prove anything."

"Exactly," said Wimsey. "That is why I had to hang on so long, and press Robert so hard about it. I might suspect Oliver to be non-existent, but one can't prove a negative."

"Exactly," said Wimsey. "That's why I had to hold on for so long and push Robert so hard about it. I could suspect that Oliver doesn't exist, but you can't prove a negative."

"And suppose he still sticks to the story now?"

"And what if he still stands by his story now?"

"Oh! I think we can put the wind up him all right," said Wimsey. "By the time we've displayed our proofs and told him exactly what he was doing with himself on November 10th and 11th, he'll have no more spirit in him than the Queen of Sheba."

"Oh! I think we can really scare him," said Wimsey. "By the time we show him our evidence and explain exactly what he was up to on November 10th and 11th, he'll have no more fight in him than the Queen of Sheba."

"It must be done at once," said Mr. Murbles. "And of course this exhumation business will have to be stopped. I will go round and see Robert Fentiman to-morrow—this morning, that is."

"It needs to be done immediately," said Mr. Murbles. "And obviously, we have to put a stop to this exhumation thing. I’ll go see Robert Fentiman tomorrow—this morning, actually."

"Better tell him to trot round to your place," said Wimsey. "I'll bring all the evidence round there, and I'll have the varnish on the cabinet analyzed and shown to correspond with the sample I took from the General's boots. Make it for two o'clock, and then we can all go round and interview Pritchard afterwards."

"Better tell him to come over to your place," said Wimsey. "I'll bring all the evidence there, and I'll have the varnish on the cabinet analyzed to match the sample I took from the General's boots. Let's set it for two o'clock, and then we can all go over and talk to Pritchard afterward."

Parker supported this suggestion. Mr. Murbles was so wrought up that he would gladly have rushed away to confront Robert Fentiman immediately. It being, however, pointed out to him that Fentiman was in Richmond, that an alarm at this ungodly hour might drive him to do something desperate, and also that all three investigators needed repose, the old gentleman gave way and permitted himself to be taken home to Staple Inn.

Parker backed this idea. Mr. Murbles was so worked up that he would have happily run off to confront Robert Fentiman right away. However, it was pointed out to him that Fentiman was in Richmond, and that an alarm at this crazy hour might push him to do something reckless. Also, all three investigators needed some rest, so the old gentleman relented and allowed himself to be taken back home to Staple Inn.

Wimsey went round to Parker's flat in Great Ormond Street to have a drink before turning in, and the session was prolonged till the small hours had begun to grow into big hours and the early workman was abroad.

Wimsey went over to Parker's apartment on Great Ormond Street to have a drink before heading to bed, and the hangout lasted until the small hours turned into big hours and early workers were out and about.


Lord Peter, having set the springe for his woodcock, slept the sleep of the just until close upon eleven o'clock the next morning. He was aroused by voices without, and presently his bedroom door was flung open to admit Mr. Murbles, of all people, in a high state of agitation, followed by Bunter, protesting.

Lord Peter, having set the trap for his woodcock, slept soundly until almost eleven o'clock the next morning. He was awakened by voices outside, and soon enough, his bedroom door swung open to let in Mr. Murbles, of all people, in a state of high agitation, followed by Bunter, who was protesting.

"Hullo, sir!" said his lordship, much amazed. "What's up?"

"Hellо, sir!" said his lordship, quite surprised. "What's going on?"

"We have been outwitted," cried Mr. Murbles, waving his umbrella, "we have been forestalled! We should have gone to Major Fentiman last night. I wished to do so, but permitted myself to be persuaded against my better judgment. It will be a lesson to me."

"We've been outsmarted," shouted Mr. Murbles, waving his umbrella, "we've been beaten to it! We should have gone to Major Fentiman last night. I wanted to do that, but I let myself be talked out of it against my better judgment. This will be a lesson for me."

He sat down, panting a little.

He sat down, out of breath.

"My dear Mr. Murbles," said Wimsey, pleasantly, "your method of recalling one to the dull business of the day is as delightful as it is unexpected. Anything better calculated to dispel that sluggish feeling I can scarcely imagine. But pardon me—you are somewhat out of breath. Bunter! a whisky-and-soda for Mr. Murbles."

"My dear Mr. Murbles," said Wimsey, cheerfully, "your way of bringing us back to the boring tasks of the day is as delightful as it is surprising. I can hardly think of anything better to shake off that sluggish feeling. But excuse me—you seem a bit out of breath. Bunter! a whisky-and-soda for Mr. Murbles."

"Indeed no!" ejaculated the solicitor, hurriedly. "I couldn't touch it. Lord Peter—"

"Absolutely not!" the lawyer exclaimed quickly. "I can't deal with it. Lord Peter—"

"A glass of sherry?" suggested his lordship, helpfully.

"A glass of sherry?" his lordship suggested, offering help.

"No, no—nothing, thanks. A shocking thing has occurred. We are left—"

"No, no—it's fine, thanks. Something shocking has happened. We're left—"

"Better and better. A shock is exactly what I feel to need. My café-au-lait, Bunter—and you may turn the bath on. Now, sir—out with it. I am fortified against anything."

"Better and better. A shock is exactly what I need. My café-au-lait, Bunter—and you can start the bath now. Now, sir—let's have it. I'm ready for anything."

"Robert Fentiman," announced Mr. Murbles, impressively, "has disappeared."

"Robert Fentiman," Mr. Murbles announced dramatically, "has gone missing."

He thumped his umbrella.

He slammed his umbrella.

"Good God!" said Wimsey.

"Good God!" Wimsey exclaimed.

"He has gone," repeated the solicitor. "At ten o'clock this morning I attended in person at his rooms in Richmond—in person—in order to bring him the more effectually to a sense of his situation. I rang the bell. I asked for him. The maid told me he had left the night before. I asked where he had gone. She said she did not know. He had taken a suit-case with him. I interviewed the landlady. She told me that Major Fentiman had received an urgent message during the evening and had informed her that he was called away. He had not mentioned where he was going nor how soon he would return. I left a note addressed to him, and hastened back to Dover Street. The flat there was shut up and untenanted. The man Woodward was nowhere to be found. I then came immediately to you. And I find you—"

"He’s gone," the solicitor repeated. "At ten o'clock this morning, I went to his place in Richmond—in person—to help him understand his situation better. I rang the bell and asked for him. The maid told me he had left the night before. I asked where he had gone, but she said she didn’t know. He had taken a suitcase with him. I spoke to the landlady, who said that Major Fentiman had received an urgent message that evening and told her he had to leave. He didn’t mention where he was going or when he would be back. I left him a note and quickly went back to Dover Street. The flat there was locked up and empty. I couldn’t find the man Woodward anywhere. So, I came straight to you. And I find you—"

Mr. Murbles waved an expressive hand at Wimsey, who was just taking from Bunter's hands a chaste silver tray, containing a Queen Anne coffee-pot and milk-jug, a plate of buttered toast, a delicate china coffee-cup and a small pile of correspondence.

Mr. Murbles waved his hand dramatically at Wimsey, who was just taking from Bunter a polished silver tray that held a Queen Anne coffee pot and milk jug, a plate of buttered toast, a fine china coffee cup, and a small stack of mail.

"So you do," said Wimsey. "A depraved sight, I am afraid. H'm! It looks very much as though Robert had got wind of trouble and didn't like to face the music."

"So you do," said Wimsey. "A pretty messed up situation, I’m afraid. H'm! It really seems like Robert caught wind of some trouble and didn’t want to deal with the consequences."

He sipped his café-au-lait delicately, his rather bird-like face cocked sideways. "But why worry? He can't have got very far."

He sipped his café-au-lait gently, his somewhat bird-like face tilted to the side. "But why stress? He can't have gone very far."

"He may have gone abroad."

"He might have gone abroad."

"Possibly. All the better. The other party won't want to take proceedings against him over there. Too much bother—however spiteful they may feel. Hallo! Here's a writing I seem to recognize. Yes. It is my sleuth from Sleuths Incorporated. Wonder what he wants. I told him to go home and send the bill in.—Whew!"

"Maybe. That works out well. The other side won't want to go after him over there. It's too much hassle—no matter how angry they might be. Hey! I see a message I recognize. Yep. It's my investigator from Sleuths Incorporated. I wonder what he wants. I told him to head home and send the bill.—Wow!"

"What is it?"

"What's that?"

"This is the bloke who chased Fentiman to Southampton. Not the one who went on to Venice after the innocent Mr. Postlethwaite; the other. He's writing from Paris. He says:

"This is the guy who chased Fentiman to Southampton. Not the one who went to Venice after the innocent Mr. Postlethwaite; the other one. He's writing from Paris. He says:"

'My lord,

'My lord,'

'While making a few inquiries at Southampton pursuant to the investigation with which your lordship entrusted me' (what marvelous English those fellows write, don't they? Nearly as good as the regular police), 'I came, almost accidentally' ('almost' is good) 'upon the trifling clue which led me to suppose that the party whom I was instructed by your lordship to keep under observation had been less in error than we were led to suppose, and had merely been misled by a confusion of identity natural in a gentleman not scientifically instructed in the art of following up suspected persons. In short' (thank God for that!) 'in short, I believe that I have myself come upon the track of O.' (These fellows are amazingly cautious; he might just as well write Oliver and have done with it), 'and have followed the individual in question to this place. I have telegraphed to the gentleman your friend' (I presume that means Fentiman) 'to join me immediately with a view to identifying the party. I will of course duly acquaint your lordship with any further developments in the case, and believe me'—and so forth.

'While making a few inquiries in Southampton for the investigation you entrusted to me' (those guys write such amazing English, don’t they? Almost as good as the regular police), 'I came across a small clue that made me think that the person you told me to keep an eye on wasn’t as wrong as we thought and had just been confused by a case of mistaken identity, which is understandable for someone not trained in the art of tracking suspected individuals. In short' (thank goodness for that!) 'I believe I have found the trail of O.' (These guys are incredibly cautious; he might as well just write Oliver and be done with it), 'and I have followed the person in question to this location. I've sent a telegram to your friend' (I assume that means Fentiman) 'to meet me right away to identify the person. I will, of course, keep your lordship updated on any further developments in the case, and believe me'—and so on.

"Well, I'm damned!"

"Well, I’m shocked!"

"The man must be mistaken, Lord Peter."

"The man has to be wrong, Lord Peter."

"I jolly well hope so," said Wimsey, rather red in the face. "It'll be a bit galling to have Oliver turning up, just when we've proved so conclusively that he doesn't exist. Paris! I suppose he means that Fentiman spotted the right man at Waterloo and lost him on the train or in the rush for the boat. And got hold of Postlethwaite instead. Funny. Meanwhile, Fentiman's off to France. Probably taken the 10.30 boat from Folkestone. I don't know how we're to get hold of him."

"I really hope so," Wimsey said, his face a bit flushed. "It'll be annoying if Oliver shows up, just when we've clearly proven that he doesn't exist. Paris! I guess he thinks Fentiman saw the right guy at Waterloo but lost track of him on the train or in the rush for the boat. And ended up with Postlethwaite instead. Strange. In the meantime, Fentiman's heading to France. He probably caught the 10:30 boat from Folkestone. I have no idea how we’re supposed to reach him."

"How very extraordinary," said Mr. Murbles. "Where does that detective person write from?"

"That's really unusual," said Mr. Murbles. "Where does that detective write from?"

"Just 'Paris,'" said Wimsey. "Bad paper and worse ink. And a small stain of vin ordinaire. Probably written in some little café yesterday afternoon. Not much hope there. But he's certain to let me know where they get to."

"Just 'Paris,'" Wimsey said. "Terrible paper and even worse ink. And a small stain of vin ordinaire. Likely written in some little café yesterday afternoon. Not much hope there. But he’s definitely going to let me know where they end up."

"We must send some one to Paris immediately in search of them," declared Mr. Murbles.

"We need to send someone to Paris right away to find them," declared Mr. Murbles.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"To fetch Major Fentiman back."

"To retrieve Major Fentiman."

"Yes, but look here, sir. If there really is an Oliver after all, it rather upsets our calculations, doesn't it?"

"Yes, but look here, sir. If there actually is an Oliver after all, it really messes up our calculations, doesn’t it?"

Mr. Murbles considered this.

Mr. Murbles thought about this.

"I cannot see that it affects our conclusions as to the hour of the General's death," he said.

"I don’t think it changes our conclusions about the hour of the General's death," he said.

"Perhaps not, but it considerably alters our position with regard to Robert Fentiman."

"Maybe not, but it definitely changes our stance on Robert Fentiman."

"Ye—es. Yes, that is so. Though," said Mr. Murbles, severely, "I still consider that the story requires close investigation."

"Yes, that’s true. However," Mr. Murbles said sternly, "I still believe the story needs a thorough investigation."

"Agreed. Well, look here. I'll run over to Paris myself and see what I can do. And you had better temporize with Pritchard. Tell him you think there will be no need to compromise and that we hope soon to be in possession of the precise facts. That'll show him we don't mean to have any truck with anythin' fishy. I'll learn him to cast nasturtiums at me!"

"Agreed. Listen, I’ll head over to Paris myself and see what I can do. You should buy some time with Pritchard. Tell him you think there won’t be any need to compromise and that we hope to soon have the exact details. That’ll show him we’re not getting involved with anything shady. I’ll teach him not to throw insults at me!"

"And—oh, dear! there's another thing. We must try and get hold of Major Fentiman to stop this exhumation."

"And—oh no! there's another thing. We need to get in touch with Major Fentiman to stop this exhumation."

"Oh, lord!—Yes. That's a bit awkward. Can't you stop it by yourself?"

"Oh, man!—Yeah. That's a little uncomfortable. Can't you just stop it on your own?"

"I hardly think I can. Major Fentiman has applied for it as executor, and I cannot quite see what I can do in the matter without his signature. The Home Office would hardly—"

"I barely think I can. Major Fentiman has applied for it as executor, and I can’t really see what I can do about it without his signature. The Home Office would probably—"

"Yes. I quite see that you can't mess about with the Home Office. Well, though, that's easy. Robert never was keen on the resurrection idea. Once we've got his address, he'll be only too happy to send you a chit to call the whole thing off. You leave it to me. After all, even if we don't find Robert for a few days and the old boy has to be dug up after all, it won't make things any worse. Will it?"

"Yes. I totally get that you can't mess around with the Home Office. But that’s easy. Robert was never really into the whole resurrection idea. Once we have his address, he’ll be more than happy to send you a note to cancel everything. Just leave it to me. After all, even if we don’t find Robert for a few days and we end up having to dig the old guy up anyway, it won’t make things any worse. Will it?"

Mr. Murbles agreed, dubiously.

Mr. Murbles agreed, reluctantly.

"Then I'll pull the old carcass together," said Wimsey, brightly, flinging the bedclothes aside and leaping to his feet, "and toddle off to the City of Light. Will you excuse me for a few moments, sir? The bath awaits me. Bunter, put a few things into a suit-case and be ready to come with me to Paris."

"Then I’ll get myself sorted out," Wimsey said cheerfully, throwing aside the bedcovers and jumping to his feet. "I’m going to head to the City of Light. Could you excuse me for a moment, sir? I need to take a bath. Bunter, pack a few things into a suitcase and be ready to come with me to Paris."


On second thoughts, Wimsey waited till the next day, hoping, as he explained, to hear from the detective. As nothing reached him, however, he started in pursuit, instructing the head office of Sleuths Incorporated to wire any information received to him at the Hôtel Meurice. The next news that arrived from him was a card to Mr. Murbles written on a P.L.M. express, which said simply, "Quarry gone on to Rome. Hard on trail. P.W." The next day came a foreign telegram: "Making for Sicily. Faint but pursuing. P.W."

On second thought, Wimsey decided to wait until the next day, hoping, as he mentioned, to hear from the detective. However, since he didn’t receive any updates, he began the chase himself, telling the head office of Sleuths Incorporated to wire any information they received to him at the Hôtel Meurice. The next news he sent was a card to Mr. Murbles written on a P.L.M. express, which simply stated, "Quarry gone on to Rome. Hard on trail. P.W." The following day, he received a foreign telegram: "Making for Sicily. Faint but pursuing. P.W."

In reply to this, Mr. Murbles wired: "Exhumation fixed for day after to-morrow. Please make haste."

In response, Mr. Murbles texted: "Exhumation scheduled for the day after tomorrow. Please hurry."

To which Wimsey replied: "Returning for exhumation. P.W."

To which Wimsey replied: "Going back for exhumation. P.W."

He returned alone.

He came back alone.

"Where is Robert Fentiman?" demanded Mr. Murbles, agitatedly.

"Where's Robert Fentiman?" asked Mr. Murbles, feeling agitated.

Wimsey, his hair matted damply and his face white from traveling day and night, grinned feebly.

Wimsey, his hair damp and messy and his face pale from traveling day and night, smiled weakly.

"I rather fancy," he said, in a wan voice, "that Oliver is at his old tricks again."

"I kind of think," he said, in a weak voice, "that Oliver is up to his old tricks again."

"Again?" cried Mr. Murbles, aghast. "But the letter from your detective was genuine."

"Again?" shouted Mr. Murbles, shocked. "But the letter from your detective was real."

"Oh, yes—that was genuine enough. But even detectives can be bribed. Anyhow, we haven't seen hide or hair of our friends. They've been always a little ahead. Like the Holy Grail, you know. Fainter by day but always in the night blood-red, and sliding down the blackened marsh, blood-red—perfectly bloody, in fact. Well, here we are. When does the ceremony take place? Quietly, I take it? No flowers?"

"Oh, absolutely—that was real enough. But even detectives can be bought. Anyway, we haven't heard a word from our friends. They've always been one step ahead. Like the Holy Grail, you know. Fainter during the day but always at night, blood-red, slipping down the dark marsh, blood-red—totally bloody, actually. Well, here we are. When does the ceremony happen? Quietly, I assume? No flowers?"


The "ceremony" took place, as such ceremonies do, under the discreet cover of darkness. George Fentiman, who, in Robert's absence, attended to represent the family, was nervous and depressed. It is trying enough to go to the funeral of one's friends and relations, amid the grotesque pomps of glass hearses, and black horses, and wreaths, and appropriate hymns "beautifully" rendered by well-paid choristers, but, as George irritably remarked, the people who grumble over funerals don't realize their luck. However depressing the thud of earth on the coffin-lid may be, it is music compared to the rattle of gravel and thump of spades which herald a premature and unreverend resurrection, enveloped in clouds of formalin and without benefit of clergy.

The "ceremony" happened, like such events usually do, under the cover of darkness. George Fentiman, who attended on behalf of the family in Robert's absence, felt anxious and down. It's already tough enough to attend the funerals of friends and family, surrounded by the bizarre display of glass hearses, black horses, wreaths, and hymns "beautifully" sung by well-paid choirs, but, as George irritably pointed out, people who complain about funerals don't see how lucky they are. No matter how distressing the sound of dirt hitting the coffin may be, it’s music compared to the clatter of gravel and the bang of shovels that signal an untimely and disrespectful return to life, shrouded in formalin and without any clergy present.

Dr. Penberthy also appeared abstracted and anxious to get the business over. He made the journey to the cemetery ensconced in the farthest corner of the big limousine, and discussed thyroid abnormalities with Dr. Horner, Sir James Lubbock's assistant, who had come to help with the autopsy. Mr. Murbles was, naturally, steeped in gloom. Wimsey devoted himself to his accumulated correspondence, out of which one letter only had any bearing on the Fentiman case. It was from Marjorie Phelps, and ran:

Dr. Penberthy seemed distracted and eager to wrap things up. He rode to the cemetery tucked away in the farthest corner of the large limousine, talking about thyroid issues with Dr. Horner, Sir James Lubbock's assistant, who had come to assist with the autopsy. Mr. Murbles was, of course, deeply troubled. Wimsey focused on his pile of correspondence, of which only one letter was relevant to the Fentiman case. It was from Marjorie Phelps, and it read:

"If you want to meet Ann Dorland, would you care to come along to a 'do' at the Rushworth's Wednesday week? It will be very deadly, because Naomi Rushworth's new young man is going to read a paper on ductless glands which nobody knows anything about. However, it appears that ductless glands will be 'news' in next to no time—ever so much more up-to-date than vitamins—so the Rushworths are all over glands—in the social sense, I mean. Ann D. is certain to be there, because as I told you, she is taking to this healthy bodies for all stunt, or whatever it is, so you'd better come. It will be company for me!—and I've got to go, anyway, as I'm supposed to be a friend of Naomi's. Besides, they say that if one paints or sculps or models, one ought to know all about glands, because of the way they enlarge your jaw and alter your face, or something. Do come, because if you don't I shall be fastened on by some deadly bore or other—and I shall have to hear all Naomi's raptures about the man, which will be too awful."

"If you want to meet Ann Dorland, would you like to join me at a gathering at the Rushworths' next Wednesday? It’s going to be pretty dull since Naomi Rushworth's new boyfriend is going to give a talk on ductless glands, which no one knows anything about. However, it seems that ductless glands will be the next big thing—way more in vogue than vitamins—so the Rushworths are really into glands—in a social way, I mean. Ann D. will definitely be there because, as I mentioned, she's getting into this healthy living trend or whatever it is, so you should come. It’ll be company for me! Besides, I have to go since I’m supposed to be friends with Naomi. People say that if you're into painting, sculpting, or modeling, you should know a lot about glands because of how they change your jaw and face or something. Please come, because if you don’t, I’ll get stuck with some boring person and have to listen to all of Naomi's gushing about her guy, which would be just awful."

Wimsey made a note to be present at this enlivening party, and looking round, saw that they were arriving at the Necropolis—so vast, so glittering with crystal-globed wreaths, so towering with sky-scraping monuments, that no lesser name would serve it. At the gate they were met by Mr. Pritchard in person (acidulated in his manner and elaborately polite to Mr. Murbles), and by the Home Office representative (suave and bland and disposed to see reporters lurking behind every tombstone.) A third person, coming up, proved to be an official from the Cemetery Company, who took charge of the party and guided them along the neat graveled walks to where digging operations were already in process.

Wimsey made a note to attend this lively party, and as he looked around, he noticed they were arriving at the Necropolis—so massive, so sparkling with crystal-globed wreaths, and so filled with towering monuments that it deserved no lesser name. At the entrance, they were greeted by Mr. Pritchard himself (with a sharp manner and overly polite to Mr. Murbles) and the Home Office representative (smooth and seemingly eager to catch reporters hiding behind every tombstone). A third person approaching turned out to be an official from the Cemetery Company, who took charge of the group and led them along the neat gravel paths to where digging operations were already underway.

The coffin, being at length produced and identified by its brass plate, was then carefully borne to a small outbuilding close at hand, which appeared to be a potting-shed in ordinary life, converted by a board and a couple of trestles into a temporary mortuary. Here a slight halt and confusion was caused by the doctors, demanding in aggressively cheerful and matter-of-fact tones more light and space to work in. The coffin was placed on a bench; somebody produced a mackintosh sheet and spread it on the trestle table; lamps were brought and suitably grouped. After which, the workmen advanced, a little reluctantly, to unscrew the coffin-lid, preceded by Dr. Penberthy, scattering formalin from a spray, rather like an infernal thurifer at some particularly unwholesome sacrifice.

The coffin, finally brought out and identified by its brass plate, was then carefully taken to a small outbuilding nearby, which looked like a potting shed under normal circumstances, but had been turned into a temporary mortuary with a board and a couple of trestles. Here, there was a brief pause and some confusion caused by the doctors, who, in overly cheerful and straightforward tones, requested more light and space to work. The coffin was placed on a bench; someone produced a waterproof sheet and laid it on the trestle table; lamps were brought in and arranged appropriately. After that, the workers hesitantly stepped forward to unscrew the coffin lid, led by Dr. Penberthy, who was spraying formalin, resembling a disturbing incense-bearer at some particularly grim ceremony.

"Ah! very nice indeed," said Dr. Horner, appreciatively, as the corpse was disengaged from the coffin and transferred to the table. "Excellent. Not much difficulty over this job. That's the best of getting on to it at once. How long has he been buried, did you say? Three or four weeks? He doesn't look it. Will you make the autopsy or shall I? Just as you like. Very well. Where did I put my bag? Ah! thank you, Mr.—er—er—" (An unpleasantly occupied pause during which George Fentiman escaped, murmuring that he thought he'd have a smoke outside). "Undoubted heart trouble, of course, I don't see any unusual appearances, do you?... I suppose we'd better secure the stomach as it stands ... pass me the gut, would you? Thanks. D'you mind holding while I get this ligature on? Ta." (Snip, snip.) "The jars are just behind you. Thanks. Look out! You'll have it over. Ha! ha! that was a near thing. Reminds me of Palmer, you know—and Cook's stomach—always think that a very funny story, ha, ha!—I won't take all the liver—just a sample—it's only a matter of form—and sections of the rest—yes—better have a look at the brain while we are about it, I suppose. Have you got the large saw?"

"Ah! very nice indeed," Dr. Horner said appreciatively as the body was taken out of the coffin and moved to the table. "Excellent. This job isn’t too difficult. That's the benefit of diving right into it. How long has he been buried, did you say? Three or four weeks? He doesn’t look like it. Are you going to do the autopsy, or should I? It’s up to you. Alright then. Where did I put my bag? Ah! Thanks, Mr.—uh—uh—" (An awkward pause while George Fentiman slipped away, mumbling that he thought he’d smoke outside). "Definitely heart trouble, of course. I don’t see anything unusual, do you?... I guess we better secure the stomach as it is ... can you pass me the gut? Thanks. Do you mind holding this while I tie it off? Thanks." (Snip, snip.) "The jars are right behind you. Thanks. Watch out! You’ll spill it. Ha! That was a close call. Reminds me of Palmer, you know—and Cook's stomach—I always find that a hilarious story, haha!—I won’t take all the liver—just a sample—it’s really just a formality—and I’ll take sections of the rest—yeah—might as well check the brain while we’re at it. Do you have the large saw?"

"How callous these medical men seem," murmured Mr. Murbles.

"How heartless these doctors seem," Mr. Murbles quietly said.

"It's nothing to them," said Wimsey. "Horner does this kind of job several times a week."

"It's no big deal for them," said Wimsey. "Horner does this kind of work several times a week."

"Yes, but he need not be so noisy. Dr. Penberthy behaves with decorum."

"Yes, but he doesn’t have to be so loud. Dr. Penberthy acts with proper etiquette."

"Penberthy runs a practice," said Wimsey with a faint grin. "He has to exercise a little restraint over himself. Besides, he knew old Fentiman, and Horner didn't."

"Penberthy runs a practice," Wimsey said with a slight grin. "He has to keep himself in check a bit. Plus, he knew old Fentiman, and Horner didn’t."

At length the relevant portions of General Fentiman's anatomy having been collected into suitable jars and bottles, the body was returned to the coffin and screwed down. Penberthy came across to Wimsey and took his arm.

At last, the necessary parts of General Fentiman's body were gathered into appropriate jars and bottles, and the body was placed back in the coffin and secured. Penberthy walked over to Wimsey and took his arm.

"We ought to be able to get a pretty good idea of what you want to know," he said. "Decomposition is very little advanced, owing to an exceptionally well-made coffin. By the way" (he dropped his voice) "that leg, you know—did it ever occur to you—or rather, did you ever discover any explanation of that?"

"We should be able to figure out what you want to know," he said. "The decomposition isn't very advanced because of a really well-made coffin. By the way" (he lowered his voice) "about that leg, you know—did it ever cross your mind—or rather, did you find any explanation for that?"

"I did have an idea about it," admitted Wimsey, "but I don't yet know whether it was the right one. I shall probably know for certain in a day or two."

"I did have an idea about it," Wimsey admitted, "but I still don't know if it was the right one. I'll probably know for sure in a day or two."

"You think the body was interfered with?" said Penberthy, looking him steadily in the face.

"You think someone messed with the body?" Penberthy asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"Yes, and so do you," replied Wimsey, returning the gaze.

"Yeah, and so do you," replied Wimsey, meeting the gaze.

"I've had my suspicions all the time, of course. I told you so, you know. I wonder whether—you don't think I was wrong to give the certificate, do you?"

"I've always had my doubts, of course. I told you that, you know. I wonder—do you think I was wrong to give the certificate?"

"Not unless you suspected anything wrong with the death itself," said Wimsey. "Have you and Horner noticed anything queer?"

"Not unless you thought there was something off about the death itself," said Wimsey. "Have you and Horner noticed anything strange?"

"No. But—oh, well! having patients dug up always makes me worried, you know. It's easy to make a mistake and one looks an awful fool in court. I'd hate being made to look a fool just at present," added the doctor with a nervous laugh. "I'm thinking of—great Scott, man! how you startled me!"

"No. But—oh, well! having patients exhumed always makes me anxious, you know. It's easy to mess up, and you end up looking ridiculous in court. I really don’t want to look foolish right now," added the doctor with a nervous laugh. "I was just thinking—great Scott, man! you really startled me!"

Dr. Horner had brought a large, bony hand down on his shoulder. He was a red-faced, jovial man, and he smiled as he held up his bag before them.

Dr. Horner placed his large, bony hand on his shoulder. He was a cheerful, red-faced man, and he smiled while holding up his bag in front of them.

"All packed up and ready," he announced. "Got to be getting back now, aha! Got to be getting back."

"All set and ready to go," he said. "I need to head back now, oh! I need to head back."

"Have the witnesses signed the labels?" asked Penberthy, rather shortly.

"Have the witnesses signed the labels?" Penberthy asked briskly.

"Yes, yes, quite all right. Both the solicitor johnnies, so they can't quarrel about that in the witness-box," replied Horner. "Come along, please—I've got to get off."

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Both the lawyers, so they can't argue about that in the witness stand," replied Horner. "Come on, please—I need to leave."

They found George Fentiman outside, seated on a tombstone, and sucking at an empty pipe.

They found George Fentiman outside, sitting on a gravestone, and puffing on an empty pipe.

"Is it all over?"

"Is it all done?"

"Yes."

Yes.

"Have they found anything?"

"Have they found anything yet?"

"Haven't looked yet," broke in Horner, genially. "Not at the part which interests you, that is. Leave that for my colleague Lubbock, you know. Soon give you an answer—say, in a week's time."

"Haven't looked yet," Horner chimed in cheerfully. "Not at the part that interests you, anyway. I'll leave that to my colleague Lubbock, you know. He'll get back to you soon—let's say in about a week."

George passed his handkerchief over his forehead, which was beaded with little drops of sweat.

George wiped his forehead with his handkerchief, which was dotted with tiny beads of sweat.

"I don't like it," he said. "But I suppose it had to be done. What was that? I thought—I'd swear I saw something moving over there."

"I don't like it," he said. "But I guess it had to happen. What was that? I could have sworn I saw something moving over there."

"A cat, probably," said Penberthy, "there's nothing to be alarmed at."

"A cat, most likely," said Penberthy, "there's nothing to worry about."

"No," said George, "but sitting about here, one—fancies things." He hunched his shoulders, squinting round at them with the whites of his eyeballs showing.

"No," George said, "but when you sit around here, you start to imagine things." He hunched his shoulders, squinting at them with the whites of his eyes showing.

"Things," he said, "people—going to and fro ... and walking up and down. Following one."

"Stuff," he said, "people—coming and going ... and strolling around. Chasing one."


CHAPTER XIV

Grand Slam In Spades

Grand Slam in Spades

On the seventh morning after the exhumation—which happened to be a Tuesday—Lord Peter walked briskly into Mr. Murbles' chambers in Staple Inn, with Detective-Inspector Parker at his heels.

On the seventh morning after the exhumation—which happened to be a Tuesday—Lord Peter walked quickly into Mr. Murbles' office in Staple Inn, with Detective-Inspector Parker following behind him.

"Good morning," said Mr. Murbles, surprised.

"Good morning," said Mr. Murbles, surprised.

"Good morning," said Wimsey. "Hark! hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings. He is coming, my own, my sweet, were it ever so airy a tread. He will be here in a quarter of an hour."

"Good morning," said Wimsey. "Listen! The lark at heaven's gate sings. He's coming, my own, my sweet, no matter how lightly he walks. He'll be here in fifteen minutes."

"Who will?" demanded Mr. Murbles, somewhat severely.

"Who will?" asked Mr. Murbles, a bit sternly.

"Robert Fentiman."

"Robert Fentiman."

Mr. Murbles gave a little ejaculation of surprise.

Mr. Murbles let out a small gasp of surprise.

"I had almost given up hope in that direction," he said.

"I had almost lost hope in that area," he said.

"So had I. I said to myself, he is not lost but gone before. And it was so. Charles, we will lay out the pièces de conviction on the table. The boots. The photographs. The microscopic slides showing the various specimens. The paper of notes from the library. The outer garments of the deceased. Just so. And 'Oliver Twist.' Beautiful. Now, as Sherlock Holmes says, we shall look imposing enough to strike terror into the guilty breast, though armed in triple steel."

"So did I. I thought to myself, he's not lost but just ahead of us. And that’s true. Charles, let’s place the pièces de conviction on the table. The boots. The photographs. The microscopic slides with the different specimens. The notes we took from the library. The outer clothing of the deceased. Exactly. And 'Oliver Twist.' Wonderful. Now, as Sherlock Holmes says, we'll look impressive enough to instill fear in the guilty, even though we’re only armed with triple steel."

"Did Fentiman return of his own accord?"

"Did Fentiman come back on his own?"

"Not altogether. He was, if I may so express myself, led. Almost, in fact, led on. O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent till, don't you know. What is that noise in the outer room? It is, it is the cannon's opening roar."

"Not entirely. He was, if I can put it this way, guided. Almost, in fact, taken along. Over the moors and marshes, over cliffs and rushing waters until, you know. What’s that noise in the other room? It’s, it’s the cannon's first blast."

It was, indeed, the voice of Robert Fentiman, not in the best of tempers. In a few seconds he was shown in. He nodded curtly to Mr. Murbles, who replied with a stiff bow, and then turned violently upon Wimsey.

It was definitely Robert Fentiman's voice, and he wasn't in the best mood. A moment later, he was let in. He nodded sharply at Mr. Murbles, who responded with a formal bow, and then he turned angrily towards Wimsey.

"Look here, what's the meaning of all this? Here's that damned detective fellow of yours leading me a devil of a dance all over Europe and home again, and then this morning he suddenly turns round and tells me that you want to see me here with news about Oliver. What the devil do you know about Oliver?"

"Hey, what's going on here? That detective of yours has been dragging me all over Europe and back, and then this morning he suddenly tells me that you want to see me here with news about Oliver. What do you know about Oliver?"

"Oliver?" said Wimsey. "Oh, yes—he's an elusive personality. Almost as elusive in Rome as he was in London. Wasn't it odd, Fentiman, the way he always seemed to bob up directly your back was turned? Wasn't it funny, the way he managed to disappear from places the moment you set foot in 'em? Almost like the way he used to hang about Gatti's and then give you and me the slip. Did you have a jolly time abroad, old man? I suppose you didn't like to tell your companion that he and you were chasing a will o' the wisp?"

"Oliver?" said Wimsey. "Oh, right—he's a pretty elusive guy. Almost as hard to pin down in Rome as he was in London. Wasn't it strange, Fentiman, how he always seemed to show up the moment you looked away? Wasn't it funny how he managed to vanish from places the second you arrived? Kind of like how he used to hang around Gatti's and then disappear on you and me. Did you have a good time abroad, old man? I guess you didn't want to tell your friend that you two were after a shadow?"

Robert Fentiman's face was passing through phases ranging from fury to bewilderment and back again. Mr. Murbles interrupted.

Robert Fentiman's expression shifted from rage to confusion and back again. Mr. Murbles chimed in.

"Has this detective vouchsafed any explanation of his extraordinary behavior, in keeping us in the dark for nearly a fortnight as to his movements?"

"Has this detective provided any explanation for his strange behavior, keeping us in the dark about his actions for almost two weeks?"

"I'm afraid I owe you the explanation," said Wimsey, airily. "You see, I thought it was time the carrot was dangled before the other donkey. I knew that if we pretended to find Oliver in Paris, Fentiman would be in honor bound to chase after him. In fact, he was probably only too pleased to get away—weren't you, Fentiman?"

"I'm afraid I need to explain," said Wimsey casually. "You see, I thought it was time to dangle the carrot in front of the other donkey. I realized that if we acted like we found Oliver in Paris, Fentiman would feel obligated to go after him. In fact, he was probably more than happy to get away—weren't you, Fentiman?"

"Do you mean to say that you invented all this story about Oliver, Lord Peter?"

"Are you saying that you made up this whole story about Oliver, Lord Peter?"

"I did. Not the original Oliver, of course, but the Paris Oliver. I told the sleuth to send a wire from Paris to summon our friend away and keep him away."

"I did. Not the original Oliver, of course, but the Paris Oliver. I told the detective to send a message from Paris to call our friend away and keep him occupied."

"But why?"

"Why not?"

"I'll explain that later. And of course you had to go, hadn't you, old man? Because you couldn't very well refuse to go without confessing that there was no such person as Oliver?"

"I'll explain that later. And of course you had to go, right, old man? Because you couldn't really refuse to go without admitting that there was no one named Oliver?"

"Damnation!" burst out Fentiman, and then suddenly began to laugh. "You cunning little devil! I began to think there was something fishy about it, you know. When that first wire came, I was delighted. Thought the sleuth-hound fellow had made a perfectly providential floater, don't you know. And the longer we kept tootin' round Europe the better I was pleased. But when the hare started to double back to England, home and beauty, I began to get the idea that somebody was pullin' my leg. By the way, was that why I was able to get all my visas with that uncanny facility at an unearthly hour overnight?"

"Damn it!" Fentiman exclaimed, then suddenly started laughing. "You clever little devil! I was starting to think something was off, you know. When that first message came in, I was thrilled. I thought the detective had made a perfectly lucky find, can you believe it? And the longer we kept cruising around Europe, the happier I got. But when the plan started to turn back to England, back to safety, I began to suspect someone was messing with me. By the way, was that why I managed to get all my visas so easily at some strange hour overnight?"

"It was," said Wimsey, modestly.

"It was," Wimsey said humbly.

"I might have known there was something wrong about it. You devil! Well—what now?—if you've exploded Oliver, I suppose you've spilled all the rest of the beans, eh?"

"I should have known there was something off about this. You jerk! So—what now?—if you've blown up Oliver, I guess you've let everything else out, right?"

"If you mean by that expression," said Mr. Murbles, "that we are aware of your fraudulent and disgraceful attempt to conceal the true time of General Fentiman's decease, the answer is, Yes—we do know it. And I may say that it has come as a most painful shock to my feelings."

"If you mean by that expression," said Mr. Murbles, "that we know about your dishonest and shameful effort to hide the actual time of General Fentiman's death, the answer is, Yes—we do know it. And I must say that it has come as a very painful shock to me."

Fentiman flung himself into a chair, slapping his thigh and roaring with laughter.

Fentiman threw himself into a chair, slapping his thigh and laughing loudly.

"I might have known you'd be on to it," he gasped, "but it was a damn good joke, wasn't it? Good lord! I couldn't help chuckling to myself, you know. To think of all those refrigerated old imbeciles at the Club sittin' solemnly round there, and comin' in and noddin' to the old guv'nor like so many mandarins, when he was as dead as a door-nail all the time. That leg of his was a bit of a slip-up, of course, but that was an accident. Did you ever find out where he was all the time?"

"I should have guessed you'd catch on," he breathed, "but that was a really funny joke, right? Oh my gosh! I couldn’t help but laugh to myself, you know. Just thinking about all those stuffy old fools at the Club sitting there all serious, coming in and nodding to the old guy like he's some kind of big shot, when he was dead as a doornail the whole time. That leg of his was a bit of a mistake, of course, but that was just an accident. Did you ever find out where he was all that time?"

"Oh, yes—pretty conclusively. You left your marks on the cabinet, you know."

"Oh, definitely—you left clear marks on the cabinet, you know."

"No, did we? Hell!"

"No, did we? Damn!"

"Yes—and when you stuck the old boy's overcoat back in the cloak-room, you forgot to stick a poppy in it."

"Yes—and when you put the old guy's overcoat back in the coatroom, you forgot to stick a poppy in it."

"Oh, lord! that was a bloomer. D'you know, I never thought of that. Oh, well! I suppose I couldn't hope to carry it off with a confounded bloodhound like you on the trail. But it was fun while it lasted. Even now, the thought of old Bunter solemnly callin' up two and a half columns of Olivers makes me shout with joy. It's almost as good as getting the half-million."

"Oh, man! That was a major mistake. You know, I never considered that. Oh, well! I guess I couldn't expect to pull it off with a pesky bloodhound like you on my tail. But it was a blast while it lasted. Even now, the idea of old Bunter seriously calling up two and a half columns of Olivers makes me laugh with joy. It's almost as good as winning half a million."

"That reminds me," said Wimsey. "The one thing I don't know is how you knew about the half-million. Did Lady Dormer tell you about her will? Or did you hear of it from George?"

"That reminds me," Wimsey said. "The one thing I don't know is how you found out about the half-million. Did Lady Dormer tell you about her will? Or did you hear it from George?"

"George? Great Scott, no! George knew nothing about it. The old boy told me himself."

"George? No way! George didn't know anything about it. The old man told me himself."

"General Fentiman?"

"General Fentiman?"

"Of course. When he came back to the Club that night, he came straight up to see me."

"Of course. When he got back to the Club that night, he came right up to see me."

"And we never thought of that," said Wimsey, crushed. "Too obvious, I suppose."

"And we never thought of that," said Wimsey, feeling defeated. "I guess it was too obvious."

"You can't be expected to think of everything," said Robert, condescendingly. "I think you did very well, take it all round. Yes—the old boy toddled up to me and told me all about it. He said I wasn't to tell George, because he wasn't quite satisfied with George—about Sheila, you know—and he wanted to think it over and see what was best to be done, in the way of making a new will, you see."

"You can't be expected to think of everything," Robert said, looking down on him. "I think you did really well overall. Yeah—the old guy came up to me and told me everything. He said I shouldn't tell George because he wasn't completely happy with George—about Sheila, you know—and he wanted to think about it and see what the best option was for making a new will, you see."

"Just so. And he went down to the library to do it."

"Exactly. And he went down to the library to do it."

"That's right; and I went down and had some grub. Well then, afterwards I thought perhaps I hadn't said quite enough on behalf of old George. I mean, the guv'nor needed to have it pointed out to him that George's queerness was caused a great deal by bein' dependent on Sheila and all that, and if he had some tin of his own he'd be much better-tempered—you get me? So I hopped through to the library to find the guv'—and there he was—dead!"

"That's right; I went downstairs and grabbed something to eat. Afterwards, I thought maybe I hadn't said enough in support of old George. I mean, the boss needed to realize that George's odd behavior was largely due to being dependent on Sheila and all that, and if he had some money of his own he'd be in a much better mood—you understand? So I went to the library to look for the boss—and there he was—dead!"

"What time was that?"

"What time is it?"

"Somewhere round about eightish, I should think. Well, I was staggered. Of course, my first idea was to call for help, but it wasn't any go. He was quite dead. And then it jolly well came over me all at once how perfectly damnably we had missed the train. Just to think of that awful Dorland woman walking into all those thousands—I tell you, it made me so bally wild I could have exploded and blown the place up!... And then, you know, I began to get a sort of creepy feeling, alone there with the body and nobody in the library at all. We seemed cut off from the world, as the writing fellows say. And then it just seemed to take hold of my mind, why should he have died like that?—I did have a passing hope that the old girl might have pegged out first, and I was just going along to the telephone to find out, when—thinking of the telephone cabinet, you see—the whole thing popped into my head ready-made, as you might say. In three minutes I'd lugged him along and stuck him up on the seat, and then I hopped back to write a label for the door. I say, I thought I was jolly smart to remember not to blot that label on the library blotting-paper."

"Somewhere around eight, I guess. Well, I was shocked. Of course, my first thought was to call for help, but that wasn’t going to work. He was completely dead. And then it hit me all at once how unbelievably we had missed the train. Just thinking about that awful Dorland woman walking into all those people—I tell you, it made me so incredibly frustrated I could have exploded and blown the place up!... And then, you know, I started to feel really creepy, being alone there with the body and nobody else in the library at all. We felt cut off from the world, as writers say. And then it just took hold of my mind, why did he have to die like that?—I briefly hoped the old lady might’ve kicked the bucket first, and I was just on my way to the phone to find out, when—thinking about the phone cabinet, you see—the whole idea popped into my head, fully formed, as you might say. In three minutes I’d dragged him over and propped him up on the seat, and then I hurried back to write a label for the door. I thought I was pretty clever for remembering not to smudge that label on the library's blotting paper."

"Believe me," said Wimsey, "I appreciated that point."

"Trust me," Wimsey said, "I got that point."

"Good. I'm glad you did. Well, it was pretty plain sailing after that. I got the guv'nor's togs from the cloak-room and took 'em up to my room, and then I thought about old Woodward sittin' up waitin' for him. So I trundled out and went down to Charing Cross—how do you think?"

"Good. I'm glad you did. Well, it was pretty smooth sailing after that. I grabbed the boss's clothes from the cloakroom and took them up to my room, and then I thought about old Woodward sitting up waiting for him. So I rolled out and headed down to Charing Cross—what do you think?"

"By bus?"

"Taking the bus?"

"Not quite as bad as that. By Underground. I did realize it wouldn't work to call a taxi."

"Not quite as bad as that. By Underground. I realized it wouldn't work to call a taxi."

"You show quite a disposition for fraud, Fentiman."

"You have a real knack for deception, Fentiman."

"Yes, don't I?—Well, all that was easy. I must say, I didn't pass a frightfully good night."

"Yeah, didn't I?—Well, that was simple. I have to say, I didn't sleep very well last night."

"You'll take it more calmly another time."

"You'll handle it more calmly next time."

"Yes—it was my maiden effort in crime, of course. The next morning——"

"Yes—it was my first attempt at crime, of course. The next morning——"

"Young man," said Mr. Murbles, in an awful voice, "we will draw a veil over the next morning. I have listened to your shameless statement with a disgust which words cannot express. But I cannot, and I will not sit here and listen while you congratulate yourself, with a cynicism at which you should blush, on having employed those sacred moments when every thought should have been consecrated——"

"Young man," Mr. Murbles said in a dreadful tone, "let's skip over the next morning. I have listened to your shameless remarks with a disgust that words can't capture. But I cannot, and I will not, sit here and listen while you pat yourself on the back, with a cynicism you should be ashamed of, for having used those sacred moments when every thought should have been devoted——"

"Oh, punk!" interrupted Robert, rudely. "My old pals are none the worse because I did a little bit of self-help. I know fraud isn't altogether the clean potato, but, dash it all! surely we have a better right to the old boy's money than that girl. I bet she never did anything in the Great War, Daddy. Well, it's all gone bust—but it was a darn good stunt while it lasted."

"Oh, come on!" interrupted Robert, rudely. "My old friends aren't any worse off because I did a little self-improvement. I know scamming isn't exactly ethical, but seriously! We have a better claim to that guy's money than she does. I bet she never did anything during the Great War, Dad. Well, it's all fallen apart—but it was a pretty good scheme while it lasted."

"I perceive," replied Mr. Murbles, icily, "that any appeal to your better feelings would be waste of time. I imagine, however, you realize that fraud is a penal offence."

"I see," replied Mr. Murbles coolly, "that any attempt to appeal to your better nature would be pointless. I assume, though, that you understand that fraud is a criminal offense."

"Yes—that's a nuisance, isn't it? What are we going to do about it? Do I have to go and eat humble pie to old Pritchard? Or does Wimsey pretend to have discovered something frightfully abstruse from looking at the body?—Oh, good lord, by the way—what's happened about that confounded exhumation stunt? I never thought a word more about it. I say, Wimsey, was that the idea? Did you know then that I'd been trying to work this stunt and was it your notion you could get me out of it?"

"Yeah—that's a hassle, right? What are we going to do about it? Do I have to go and apologize to old Pritchard? Or is Wimsey pretending to have discovered something really complicated from looking at the body?—Oh, good grief, by the way—what's going on with that annoying exhumation thing? I completely forgot about it. I mean, Wimsey, was that the plan? Did you know I was trying to pull this off, and was it your idea to help me get out of it?"

"Partly."

"Partially."

"Damned decent of you. You know, I did tumble to it that you'd got a line on me when you sent me down with that detective fellow to Charing Cross. And, I say, you nearly had me there! I'd made up my mind to pretend to go after Oliver—you know—and then I spotted that second bloodhound of yours on the train with me. That gave me goose-flesh all over. The only thing I could think of—short of chucking up the whole show—was to accuse some harmless old bird of being Oliver—as a proof of good faith, don't you see."

"Really decent of you. You know, I realized you had a line on me when you sent me off with that detective guy to Charing Cross. And, I have to say, you almost had me there! I planned to pretend to go after Oliver—you know—and then I saw that second bloodhound of yours on the train with me. That gave me chills all over. The only thing I could think of—besides giving up entirely—was to accuse some harmless old person of being Oliver—to prove my good intentions, you see."

"That was it, was it? I thought you must have some reason."

"Was that really it? I figured you had a reason."

"Yes—and then, when I got that summons to Paris, I thought I must, somehow, have diddled the lot of you. But I suppose that was all arranged for. I say, Wimsey, why? Did you just want to get your own back, or what? Why did you want me out of England?"

"Yeah—and then, when I got that summons to Paris, I thought I must have somehow tricked all of you. But I guess that was all planned. I mean, Wimsey, why? Did you just want revenge or something? Why did you want me out of England?"

"Yes, indeed, Lord Peter," said Mr. Murbles, gravely. "I think you owe me at least some explanation on that point."

"Yes, of course, Lord Peter," Mr. Murbles replied seriously. "I believe you owe me at least some explanation on that matter."

"Don't you see," said Wimsey, "Fentiman was his grandfather's executor. If I got him out of the way, you couldn't stop the exhumation."

"Don't you see," Wimsey said, "Fentiman was his grandfather's executor. If I get rid of him, you won't be able to stop the exhumation."

"Ghoul!" said Robert. "I believe you batten on corpses."

"Ghoul!" Robert exclaimed. "I think you feed on dead bodies."

Wimsey laughed, rather excitedly.

Wimsey laughed, pretty excited.

"Fentiman," he said, "what would you give at this moment for your chance of that half-million?"

"Fentiman," he said, "how much would you give right now for a shot at that half-million?"

"Chance?" cried Fentiman. "There's no chance at all. What do you mean?"

"Chance?" shouted Fentiman. "There’s no chance whatsoever. What are you talking about?"

Wimsey slowly drew a paper from his pocket.

Wimsey slowly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"This came last night," he said. "And, by jove, my lad, it's lucky for you that you had a good bit to lose by the old man's death. This is from Lubbock—

"This arrived last night," he said. "And, wow, my boy, you're lucky that you had a decent amount to gain from the old man's death. This is from Lubbock—

'Dear Lord Peter,

Dear Lord Peter,

'I am sending you a line in advance to let you know the result of the autopsy on General Fentiman. As regards the ostensible reason for the investigation, I may say that there was no food in the stomach and that the last meal had been taken several hours previously. The important point, however, is that, following your own rather obscurely-expressed suggestion, I tested the viscera for poison and discovered traces of a powerful dose of digitalin, swallowed not very long previous to decease. As you know, with a subject whose heart was already in a weak state, the result of such a dose could not but be fatal. The symptoms would be a slowing-down of the heart's action and collapse—practically indistinguishable from a violent heart-attack.

I'm sending you a quick note to update you on the autopsy results for General Fentiman. Regarding the initial reason for the investigation, I can tell you there was no food in the stomach, and his last meal was taken several hours before. However, the key point is that, following your somewhat unclear suggestion, I tested the organs for poison and found traces of a strong dose of digitalin, ingested not long before his death. As you know, with a heart that was already weak, such a dose would definitely be fatal. The symptoms would show as a slowing heart rate and collapse—essentially indistinguishable from a severe heart attack.

'I do not, of course, know what your attitude in this business is, though I congratulate you on the perspicacity which prompted you to suggest an analysis. In the meanwhile, of course, you will realize that I am obliged to communicate the result of the autopsy to the public prosecutor.'"

'I don’t, of course, know what your stance is on this matter, but I applaud your insight in suggesting an analysis. In the meantime, I’m sure you understand that I have to share the autopsy results with the public prosecutor.'

Mr. Murbles sat petrified.

Mr. Murbles sat frozen.

"My God!" cried Fentiman. And then again, "My God!—Wimsey—if I'd known—if I'd had the faintest idea—I wouldn't have touched the body for twenty millions. Poison! Poor old blighter! What a damned shame! I remember now his saying that night he felt a bit sickish, but I never thought—I say, Wimsey—you do believe, don't you, that I hadn't the foggiest? I say—that awful female—I knew she was a wrong 'un. But poison! that is too thick. Good lord!"

"My God!" exclaimed Fentiman. And then again, "My God!—Wimsey—if I'd known—if I'd had the slightest idea—I wouldn't have touched the body for twenty million. Poison! Poor guy! What a damn shame! I remember him saying that night he felt a bit nauseous, but I never thought—I mean, Wimsey—you do believe me, right, that I didn't have a clue? I mean—that terrible woman—I knew she was trouble. But poison! That’s just too much. Good lord!"

Parker, who had hitherto preserved the detached expression of a friendly spectator, now beamed. "Damn good, old man!" he cried, and smote Peter on the back. Professional enthusiasm overcame him. "It's a real case," he said, "and you've handled it finely, Peter. I didn't know you had it in you to hang on so patiently. Forcing the exhumation on 'em through putting pressure on Major Fentiman was simply masterly! Pretty work! Pretty work!"

Parker, who had previously kept a neutral expression like a friendly observer, now smiled widely. "That’s really great, my friend!" he exclaimed, giving Peter a slap on the back. His professional excitement took over. "This is a real case," he said, "and you’ve done an excellent job handling it, Peter. I didn’t realize you could be so patient. Pressuring Major Fentiman to agree to the exhumation was brilliant! Great job! Great job!"

"Thank you, Charles," said Wimsey, dryly. "I'm glad somebody appreciates me. Anyhow," he added, viciously, "I bet that's wiped old Pritchard's eye."

"Thanks, Charles," Wimsey said dryly. "I'm happy someone appreciates me. Anyway," he added, with a hint of malice, "I bet that really got to old Pritchard."

And at this remark, even Mr. Murbles showed signs of returning animation.

And at this comment, even Mr. Murbles showed signs of coming back to life.


CHAPTER XV

Shuffle The Cards And Deal Again

Shuffle the cards and deal again

A hasty consultation with the powers that be at Scotland Yard put Detective-Inspector Parker in charge of the Fentiman case, and he promptly went into consultation with Wimsey.

A quick meeting with the higher-ups at Scotland Yard put Detective-Inspector Parker in charge of the Fentiman case, and he immediately started discussing it with Wimsey.

"What put you on to this poison business?" he asked.

"What got you into this poison thing?" he asked.

"Aristotle, chiefly," replied Wimsey. "He says, you know, that one should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible. It was possible, of course, that the General should have died off in that neat way at the most confusing moment. But how much nicer and more probable that the whole thing had been stage-managed. Even if it had seemed much more impossible I should have been dead nuts on murder. And there really was nothing impossible about it. Then there was Pritchard and the Dorland woman. Why should they have been so dead against compromise and so suspicious about things unless they had inside information from somewhere. After all, they hadn't seen the body as Penberthy and I did."

"Aristotle, mainly," Wimsey replied. "He says, you know, that you should always prefer the probably impossible to the improbably possible. It was definitely possible for the General to have died in that neat way at the most confusing moment. But how much nicer and more likely that the whole thing was staged. Even if it had seemed way more impossible, I would still have been totally convinced it was murder. And there really wasn’t anything impossible about it. Then there was Pritchard and the Dorland woman. Why would they be so completely against compromise and so suspicious about things unless they had inside information from somewhere? After all, they hadn't seen the body like Penberthy and I did."

"That leads on to the question of who did it. Miss Dorland is the obvious suspect, naturally."

"That brings us to the question of who did it. Miss Dorland is the obvious suspect, of course."

"She's got the biggest motive."

"She has the biggest motive."

"Yes. Well, let's be methodical. Old Fentiman was apparently as right as rain up till about half-past three when he started off for Portman Square, so that the drug must have been given him between then and eightish, when Robert Fentiman found him dead. Now who saw him between those two times?"

"Yes. Alright, let's be systematic. Old Fentiman seemed completely fine until about 3:30 when he left for Portman Square, so the drug must have been given to him sometime between then and around 8:00 when Robert Fentiman discovered him dead. Now, who saw him during that time?"

"Wait a sec. That's not absolutely accurate. He must have taken the stuff between those two times, but might have been given him earlier. Suppose, for instance, somebody had dropped a poisoned pill into his usual bottle of soda-mints or whatever he used to take. That could have been worked at any time."

"Hold on a minute. That's not completely correct. He must have taken the stuff during those two times, but it might have been given to him earlier. For example, what if someone had dropped a poisoned pill into his regular bottle of soda mints or whatever he usually took? That could have happened at any time."

"Well—not too early on, Peter. Suppose he had died a lot too soon and Lady Dormer had heard about it."

"Well—not too early on, Peter. What if he had died way too soon and Lady Dormer found out about it?"

"It wouldn't have made any difference. She wouldn't need to alter her will, or anything. The bequest to Miss Dorland would just stand as before."

"It wouldn't have made any difference. She wouldn't need to change her will or anything. The bequest to Miss Dorland would just remain as it was."

"Quite right. I was being stupid. Well, then, we'd better find out if he did take anything of that kind regularly. If he did, who would have had the opportunity to drop the pill in?"

"You're right. I was being foolish. Well, we should figure out if he took anything like that regularly. If he did, who would have had the chance to slip the pill in?"

"Penberthy, for one."

"Penberthy, for example."

"The doctor?—yes, we must stick his name down as a possible, though he wouldn't have had the slightest motive. Still, we'll put him in the column headed Opportunity."

"The doctor?—yeah, we should definitely write his name down as a possibility, even though he wouldn't have had the slightest motive. Still, we'll include him in the column labeled Opportunity."

"That's right, Charles. I do like your methodical ways."

"Exactly, Charles. I really appreciate your organized approach."

"Attraction of opposites," said Parker, ruling a notebook into three columns. "Opportunity. Number 1, Dr. Penberthy. If the tablets or globules or whatever they were, were Penberthy's own prescription, he would have a specially good opportunity. Not so good, though, if they were the kind of things you get ready-made from the chemist in sealed bottles."

"Attraction of opposites," Parker said, dividing a notebook into three columns. "Opportunity. Number 1, Dr. Penberthy. If the tablets or globules or whatever they were, were Penberthy's own prescription, he'd have a really good opportunity. Not as great, though, if they were the kind of things you buy pre-made from the pharmacy in sealed bottles."

"Oh, bosh! he could always have asked to have a squint at 'em to see if they were the right kind. I insist on having Penberthy in. Besides, he was one of the people who saw the General between the critical hours—during what we may call the administration period, so he had an extra amount of opportunity."

"Oh, come on! He could’ve just asked to take a look at them to check if they were the right ones. I’m insisting on bringing in Penberthy. Besides, he was one of the people who saw the General during the critical hours—what we might call the management period—so he had a good chance to observe."

"So he had. Well, I've put him down. Though there seems no reason for him——"

"So he did. Well, I've written him off. Although there doesn't seem to be any reason for him——"

"I'm not going to be put off by a trifling objection like that. He had the opportunity, so down he goes. Well, then, Miss Dorland comes next."

"I'm not going to let a small objection like that stop me. He had the chance, so down he goes. Alright then, Miss Dorland is next."

"Yes. She goes down under opportunity and also under motive. She certainly had a big interest in polishing off the old man, she saw him during the period of administration and she very likely gave him something to eat or drink while he was in the house. So she is a very likely subject. The only difficulty with her is the difficulty of getting hold of the drug. You can't get digitalin just by asking for it, you know."

"Yes. She had both the opportunity and the motive. She definitely had a strong interest in getting rid of the old man; she saw him during the administration period and almost certainly gave him something to eat or drink while he was in the house. So she's a very likely suspect. The only problem with her is the challenge of acquiring the drug. You can't just ask for digitalis, you know."

"N—no. At least, not by itself. You can get it mixed up with other drugs quite easily. I saw an ad in the Daily Views only this morning, offering a pill with half a grain of digitalin in it."

"N—no. At least, not on its own. It can easily get mixed up with other drugs. I saw an ad in the Daily Views just this morning, promoting a pill that contains half a grain of digitalin."

"Did you? where?—oh, that! Yes, but it's got nux vomica in it too, which is supposed to be an antidote. At any rate, it bucks the heart up by stimulating the nerves, so as to counteract the slowing-down action of the digitalin."

"Did you? Where?—oh, that! Yes, but it has nux vomica in it too, which is said to be an antidote. Anyway, it boosts the heart by stimulating the nerves, so it balances out the slowing effect of digitalin."

"H'm. Well, put down Miss Dorland under Means with a query-mark. Oh, of course, Penberthy has to go down under Means too. He is the one person who could get the stuff without any bother."

"Hmm. Well, write down Miss Dorland under Means with a question mark. Oh, of course, Penberthy has to go under Means too. He’s the one person who could get the stuff without any trouble."

"Right. Means: No. 1, Dr. Penberthy. Opportunity: No. 1, Dr. Penberthy, No. 2, Miss Dorland. We'll have to put in the servants at Lady Dormer's too, shan't we? Any of them who brought him food or drink, at any rate?"

"Right. Means: No. 1, Dr. Penberthy. Opportunity: No. 1, Dr. Penberthy, No. 2, Miss Dorland. We'll need to include the servants at Lady Dormer's too, right? At least any of them who gave him food or drink, anyway?"

"Put 'em in, by all means. They might have been in collusion with Miss Dorland. And how about Lady Dormer herself?"

"Go ahead and include them. They could have been working with Miss Dorland. And what about Lady Dormer herself?"

"Oh, come, Peter. There wouldn't be any sense in that."

"Oh, come on, Peter. That doesn't make any sense."

"Why not? She may have been planning revenge on her brother all these years, camouflaging her feelings under a pretense of generosity. It would be rather fun to leave a terrific legacy to somebody you loathed, and then, just when he was feelin' nice and grateful and all over coals of fire, poison him to make sure he didn't get it. We simply must have Lady Dormer. Stick her down under Opportunity and under Motive."

"Why not? She might have been plotting revenge on her brother all these years, hiding her true feelings behind a facade of generosity. It would be quite amusing to leave an amazing legacy to someone you despised, and then, just when he was feeling all nice and grateful, poison him to ensure he didn't receive it. We definitely need Lady Dormer. Put her down under Opportunity and under Motive."

"I refuse to do more than Opportunity and Motive (query?)."

"I won’t do more than what Opportunity and Motive allow."

"Have it your own way. Well now—there are our friends the two taxi-drivers."

"Do it your way. Well now—there are our friends, the two taxi drivers."

"I don't think you can be allowed those. It would be awfully hard work poisoning a fare, you know."

"I don't think you should be allowed to have those. It would be really difficult to poison a passenger, you know."

"I'm afraid it would. I say! I've just got a rippin' idea for poisoning a taxi-man, though. You give him a dud half-crown, and when he bites it——"

"I'm afraid it would. I mean it! I've just come up with an amazing idea for poisoning a taxi driver, though. You give him a fake half-crown, and when he bites it——"

"He dies of lead poisoning. That one's got whiskers on it."

"He dies from lead poisoning. That one's a bit outdated."

"Juggins. You poison the half-crown with Prussic acid."

"Juggins. You taint the half-crown with cyanide."

"Splendid! And he falls down foaming at the mouth. That's frightfully brilliant. Do you mind giving your attention to the matter in hand?"

"Awesome! And he collapses, foaming at the mouth. That's incredibly clever. Do you mind focusing on the task at hand?"

"You think we can leave out the taxi-drivers, then?"

"You think we can skip the taxi drivers, then?"

"I think so."

"Yeah, I think so."

"Right-oh! I'll let you have them. That brings us, I'm sorry to say, to George Fentiman."

"Sure thing! I'll let you have them. Unfortunately, that brings us to George Fentiman."

"You've got rather a weakness for George Fentiman, haven't you?"

"You have quite a soft spot for George Fentiman, don't you?"

"Yes—I like old George. He's an awful pig in some ways, but I quite like him."

"Yeah—I like old George. He's a real jerk sometimes, but I actually like him."

"Well, I don't know George, so I shall firmly put him down. Opportunity No. 3, he is."

"Well, I don't know George, so I'm going to rule him out. He's Opportunity No. 3."

"He'll have to go down under Motive, too, then."

"He'll have to go down under Motive, too, then."

"Why? What did he stand to gain by Miss Dorland's getting the legacy?"

"Why? What was he going to gain from Miss Dorland receiving the inheritance?"

"Nothing—if he knew about it. But Robert says emphatically that he didn't know. So does George. And if he didn't, don't you see, the General's death meant that he would immediately step into that two thousand quid which Dougal MacStewart was being so pressing about."

"Nothing—if he was aware of it. But Robert insists he didn't know. George agrees. And if he didn’t, you see, the General's death meant he would immediately inherit that two thousand pounds that Dougal MacStewart was so insistent about."

"MacStewart?—oh, yes—the money-lender. That's one up to you, Peter; I'd forgotten him. That certainly does put George on the list of the possibles. He was pretty sore about things too, wasn't he?"

"MacStewart?—oh, right—the money-lender. That's a good point, Peter; I had forgotten about him. That definitely puts George on the list of possibilities. He was pretty upset about everything too, wasn't he?"

"Very. And I remember his saying one rather unguarded thing at least down at the Club on the very day the murder—or rather, the death—was discovered."

"Definitely. And I remember him saying one rather candid thing at the Club on the very day the murder—or rather, the death—was found out."

"That's in his favor, if anything," said Parker, cheerfully, "unless he's very reckless indeed."

"That's a good thing for him, if anything," said Parker, happily, "unless he’s really reckless."

"It won't be in his favor with the police," grumbled Wimsey.

"It won't be good for him with the police," grumbled Wimsey.

"My dear man!"

"My dear dude!"

"I beg your pardon. I was forgetting for the moment. I'm afraid you are getting a little above your job, Charles. So much intelligence will spell either a Chief-Commissionership or ostracism if you aren't careful."

"I’m sorry. I forgot for a moment. I’m afraid you’re getting a bit above yourself, Charles. Too much intelligence could either lead you to a Chief-Commissioner's position or get you ostracized if you’re not careful."

"I'll chance that. Come on—get on with it. Who else is there?"

"I'll take that risk. Come on—let's go. Who else is around?"

"There's Woodward. Nobody could have a better opportunity of tampering with the General's pill-boxes."

"There's Woodward. No one could have a better chance to mess with the General's pill-boxes."

"And I suppose his little legacy might have been a motive."

"And I guess his small inheritance could have been a reason."

"Or he may have been in the enemy's pay. Sinister menservants so often are, you know. Look what a boom there has been lately in criminal butlers and thefts by perfect servants."

"Or he might have been working for the enemy. Sinister servants often are, you know. Just look at how many criminal butlers and thefts by seemingly perfect servants have been reported lately."

"That's a fact. And now, how about the people at the Bellona?"

"That's a fact. So, what about the people at the Bellona?"

"There's Wetheridge. He's a disagreeable devil. And he has always cast covetous eyes at the General's chair by the fire. I've seen him."

"There's Wetheridge. He's a nasty piece of work. And he's always had his greedy eyes on the General's chair by the fire. I've seen him."

"Be serious, Peter."

"Get serious, Peter."

"I'm perfectly serious. I don't like Wetheridge. He annoys me. And then we mustn't forget to put down Robert."

"I'm completely serious. I don't like Wetheridge. He gets on my nerves. And let's not forget to mention Robert."

"Robert? Why, he's the one person we can definitely cross off. He knew it was to his interest to keep the old man alive. Look at the pains he took to cover up the death."

"Robert? He's definitely someone we can rule out. He understood it was in his best interest to keep the old man alive. Just look at how hard he worked to hide the death."

"Exactly. He is the Most Unlikely Person, and that is why Sherlock Holmes would suspect him at once. He was, by his own admission, the last person to see General Fentiman alive. Suppose he had a row with the old man and killed him, and then discovered, afterwards, about the legacy."

"Exactly. He is the least likely person, and that's why Sherlock Holmes would suspect him right away. He admitted he was the last person to see General Fentiman alive. What if he had a fight with the old man and killed him, only to find out later about the inheritance?"

"You're scintillating with good plots to-day, Peter. If they'd quarreled, he might possibly have knocked his grandfather down—though I don't think he'd do such a rotten and unsportsmanlike thing—but he surely wouldn't have poisoned him."

"You're shining with great ideas today, Peter. If they had fought, he might have knocked his grandfather down—though I don't think he'd do something so terrible and unsportsmanlike—but he definitely wouldn't have poisoned him."

Wimsey sighed.

Wimsey exhaled.

"There's something in what you say," he admitted. "Still, you never know. Now then, is there any name we've thought of which appears in all three columns of our list?"

"There's something in what you're saying," he admitted. "Still, you never know. So, is there any name we've considered that shows up in all three columns of our list?"

"No, not one. But several appear in two."

"No, not one. But several show up in two."

"We'd better start on those, then. Miss Dorland is the most obvious, naturally, and after her, George, don't you think?"

"We should get started on those, then. Miss Dorland is the most obvious choice, of course, and after her, George, don’t you think?"

"Yes. I'll have a round-up among all the chemists who may possibly have supplied her with the digitalin. Who's her family doctor?"

"Sure. I'll check in with all the chemists who might have provided her with the digitalis. Who's her family doctor?"

"Dunno. That's your pigeon. By the way, I'm supposed to be meeting the girl at a cocoa-party or something of the sort to-morrow. Don't pinch her before then if you can help it."

"Dunno. That's your problem. By the way, I'm supposed to meet the girl at a cocoa party or something like that tomorrow. Don’t mess with her before then if you can avoid it."

"No; but it looks to me as though we might need to put a few questions. And I'd like to have a look round Lady Dormer's house."

"No; but it seems to me that we might need to ask a few questions. And I'd like to take a look around Lady Dormer's house."

"For heaven's sake, don't be flat-footed about it, Charles. Use tact."

"For goodness' sake, don't be so oblivious about it, Charles. Be tactful."

"You can trust your father. And, I say, you might take me down to the Bellona in a tactful way. I'd like to ask a question or two there."

"You can trust your dad. And, I think you might want to take me to the Bellona in a subtle way. I’d like to ask a question or two there."

Wimsey groaned.

Wimsey sighed.

"I shall be asked to resign if this goes on. Not that it's much loss. But it would please Wetheridge so much to see the back of me. Never mind. I'll make a Martha of myself. Come on."

"I'll be asked to resign if this keeps happening. Not that it really matters. But it would please Wetheridge a lot to get rid of me. Whatever. I'll just put on a show. Let’s go."

The entrance of the Bellona Club was filled with an unseemly confusion. Culyer was arguing heatedly with a number of men and three or four members of the committee stood beside him with brows as black as thunder. As Wimsey entered, one of the intruders caught sight of him with a yelp of joy.

The entrance of the Bellona Club was packed with messy chaos. Culyer was passionately arguing with several men, and three or four committee members stood next to him with brows as dark as storms. As Wimsey walked in, one of the intruders spotted him and let out a cry of excitement.

"Wimsey—Wimsey, old man! Here, be a sport and get us in on this. We've got to have the story some day. You probably know all about it, you old blighter."

"Wimsey—Wimsey, buddy! Come on, be a pal and fill us in on this. We’ve got to hear the story someday. You probably know all about it, you old rascal."

It was Salcombe Hardy of the Daily Yell, large and untidy and slightly drunk as usual. He gazed at Wimsey with child-like blue eyes. Barton of the Banner, red-haired and pugnacious, faced round promptly.

It was Salcombe Hardy from the Daily Yell, big and messy and a bit tipsy as always. He looked at Wimsey with his innocent blue eyes. Barton from the Banner, with his red hair and combative attitude, quickly turned around.

"Ah, Wimsey, that's fine. Give us a line on this, can't you? Do explain that if we get a story we'll be good and go."

"Ah, Wimsey, that's great. Can you give us a quick update on this? Please explain that if we get a story, we'll be all set to go."

"Good lord," said Wimsey, "how do these things get into the papers?"

"Wow," said Wimsey, "how do these things end up in the news?"

"I think it's rather obvious," said Culyer, acidly.

"I think it's pretty obvious," said Culyer, sharply.

"It wasn't me," said Wimsey.

"It wasn't me," Wimsey said.

"No, no," put in Hardy. "You mustn't think that. It was my stunt. In fact, I saw the whole show up at the Necropolis. I was on a family vault, pretending to be a recording angel."

"No, no," Hardy interjected. "You shouldn't think that. It was my idea. Actually, I saw the whole thing at the Necropolis. I was on a family vault, pretending to be a recording angel."

"You would be," said Wimsey. "Just a moment, Culyer." He drew the secretary aside. "See here, I'm damned annoyed about this, but it can't be helped. You can't stop these boys when they're after a story. And anyway, it's all got to come out. It's a police affair now. This is Detective-Inspector Parker of Scotland Yard.

"You would be," said Wimsey. "Just a moment, Culyer." He pulled the secretary aside. "Look, I'm really annoyed about this, but there's nothing we can do. You can't stop these guys when they're chasing a story. And anyway, it all has to come out. It's a police matter now. This is Detective-Inspector Parker from Scotland Yard."

"But what's the matter?" demanded Culyer.

"But what's wrong?" Culyer asked.

"Murder's the matter, I'm afraid."

"Murder is the issue, unfortunately."

"Oh, hell!"

"OMG!"

"Sorry and all that. But you'd better grin and bear it. Charles, give these fellows as much story as you think they ought to have and get on with it. And, Salcombe, if you'll call off your tripe-hounds, we'll let you have an interview and a set of photographs."

"Sorry about that. But you might as well just deal with it. Charles, give these guys as much of the story as you think they need and move on. And, Salcombe, if you can rein in your annoying reporters, we’ll set up an interview and some photos for you."

"That's the stuff," said Hardy.

"That's the stuff," said Hardy.

"I'm sure," agreed Parker, pleasantly, "that you lads don't want to get in the way, and I'll tell you all that's advisable. Show us a room, Captain Culyer, and I'll send out a statement and then you'll let us get to work."

"I'm sure," Parker responded cheerfully, "that you guys don't want to interfere, and I'll share what's necessary. Show us a room, Captain Culyer, and I'll send out a statement, then you can let us get started."

This was agreed, and, a suitable paragraph having been provided by Parker, the Fleet Street gang departed, bearing Wimsey away with them like a captured Sabine maiden to drink in the nearest bar, in the hope of acquiring picturesque detail.

This was agreed upon, and after Parker provided a suitable paragraph, the Fleet Street gang left, taking Wimsey with them like a kidnapped Sabine woman to grab drinks at the nearest bar, hoping to gather some interesting details.

"But I wish you'd kept out of it, Sally," mourned Peter.

"But I wish you had stayed out of it, Sally," Peter lamented.

"Oh, God," said Salcombe, "nobody loves us. It's a forsaken thing to be a poor bloody reporter." He tossed a lank black lock of hair back from his forehead and wept.

"Oh, God," said Salcombe, "nobody loves us. It's a miserable thing to be a broke reporter." He tossed a greasy black lock of hair back from his forehead and cried.


Parker's first and most obvious move was to interview Penberthy, whom he caught at Harley Street, after surgery hours.

Parker's first and most obvious step was to interview Penberthy, whom he found at Harley Street, after surgery hours.

"Now I'm not going to worry you about that certificate, doctor," he began, pleasantly. "We're all liable to make mistakes, and I understand that a death resulting from an over-dose of digitalin would look very like a death from heart-failure."

"Now I'm not going to stress you out about that certificate, doctor," he started, cheerfully. "We all can make mistakes, and I get that a death caused by an overdose of digitalis would resemble a death from heart failure."

"It would be a death from heart-failure," corrected the doctor, patiently. Doctors are weary of explaining that heart-failure is not a specific disease, like mumps or housemaid's knee. It is this incompatibility of outlook between the medical and the lay mind which involves counsel and medical witnesses in a fog of misunderstanding and mutual irritation.

"It would be a death from heart failure," the doctor corrected patiently. Doctors are tired of explaining that heart failure isn’t a specific disease like mumps or housemaid's knee. This disconnect between medical and general perspectives creates a fog of misunderstanding and mutual irritation for counselors and medical witnesses.

"Just so," said Parker. "Now, General Fentiman had got heart disease already, hadn't he? Is digitalin a thing one takes for heart disease?"

"Exactly," said Parker. "Now, General Fentiman already had heart disease, right? Is digitalin something you take for heart disease?"

"Yes; in certain forms of heart disease, digitalin is a very valuable stimulant."

"Yes, in some types of heart disease, digitalin is a really valuable stimulant."

"Stimulant? I thought it was a depressant."

"Stimulant? I thought it was a downer."

"It acts as a stimulant at first; in later stages it depresses the heart's action."

"It acts as a stimulant at first; in later stages, it slows down the heart's action."

"Oh, I see." Parker did not see very well, since, like most people, he had a vague idea that each drug has one simple effect appropriate to it, and is, specifically, a cure for something or the other. "It first speeds up the heart and then slows it down."

"Oh, I get it." Parker didn’t really understand, as, like most people, he had a blurry notion that each drug has one straightforward effect specific to it and is essentially a remedy for something. "At first, it speeds up the heart and then slows it down."

"Not exactly. It strengthens the heart's action by retarding the beat, so that the cavities can be more completely emptied and the pressure is relieved. We give it in certain cases of valvular disease—under proper safeguards, of course."

"Not really. It enhances the heart's function by slowing down the beats, allowing the chambers to empty more fully and relieving the pressure. We administer it in specific cases of valvular disease—under the right precautions, of course."

"Were you giving it to General Fentiman?"

"Were you giving it to General Fentiman?"

"I had given it to him from time to time."

"I had given it to him occasionally."

"On the afternoon of November 10th,—you remember that he came to you in consequence of a heart attack. Did you give him digitalin then?"

"On the afternoon of November 10th—you remember he came to you due to a heart attack. Did you give him digitalin then?"

Dr. Penberthy appeared to hesitate painfully for a moment. Then he turned to his desk and extracted a large book.

Dr. Penberthy seemed to struggle for a moment. Then he turned to his desk and pulled out a large book.

"I had better be perfectly frank with you," he said. "I did. When he came to me, the feebleness of the heart's action and the extreme difficulty in breathing suggested the urgent necessity of a cardiac stimulant. I gave him a prescription containing a small quantity of digitalin to relieve this condition. Here is the prescription. I will write it out for you."

"I should be completely honest with you," he said. "I did. When he came to me, the weakness of his heart and the severe difficulty in breathing indicated an immediate need for a heart stimulant. I gave him a prescription with a small amount of digitalin to help with this condition. Here is the prescription. I will write it out for you."

"A small quantity?" repeated Parker.

"A little bit?" repeated Parker.

"Quite small, combined with other drugs to counteract the depressing after-effects."

"Very small, mixed with other drugs to counter the unpleasant after-effects."

"It was not as large as the dose afterwards found in the body?"

"It was not as large as the dose later found in the body?"

"Good heavens, no—nothing like. In a case like General Fentiman's, digitalin is a drug to be administered with the greatest caution."

"Good heavens, no—nothing like that. In a situation like General Fentiman's, digitalis is a drug that should be given with the utmost caution."

"It would not be possible, I suppose, for you to have made a mistake in dispensing? To have given an over-dose by error?"

"It wouldn’t be possible, I guess, for you to have made a mistake in giving the medication? To have accidentally given an overdose?"

"That possibility occurred to me at once, but as soon as I heard Sir James Lubbock's figures, I realized that it was quite out of the question. The dose given was enormous; nearly two grains. But, to make quite certain, I have had my supply of the drug carefully checked, and it is all accounted for."

"That possibility came to mind immediately, but as soon as I heard Sir James Lubbock's numbers, I understood that it was completely impossible. The dose administered was huge; almost two grains. But just to be sure, I've had my supply of the drug thoroughly checked, and everything is accounted for."

"Who did that for you?"

"Who helped you with that?"

"My trained nurse. I will let you have the books and chemists' receipts."

"My nurse. I'll give you the books and pharmacy receipts."

"Thank you. Did your nurse make up the dose for General Fentiman?"

"Thank you. Did your nurse prepare the dose for General Fentiman?"

"Oh, no; it is a prescription I always keep by me, ready made up. If you'd like to see her, she will show it to you."

"Oh, no; it's a prescription I always have on hand, already prepared. If you want to see her, she can show it to you."

"Thanks very much. Now, when General Fentiman came to see you, he had just had an attack. Could that have been caused by digitalin?"

"Thank you very much. So, when General Fentiman came to see you, he had just had an attack. Could that have been caused by digitalis?"

"You mean, had he been poisoned before he came to me? Well, of course, digitalin is rather an uncertain drug."

"You mean, had he been poisoned before he came to me? Well, of course, digitalin is quite an unpredictable drug."

"How long would a big dose like that take to act?"

"How long would it take for a big dose like that to kick in?"

"I should expect it to take effect fairly quickly. In the ordinary way it would cause sickness and vertigo. But with a powerful cardiac stimulant like digitalin, the chief danger is that any sudden movement, such as springing suddenly to one's feet from a position of repose, is liable to cause sudden syncope and death. I should say that this was what occurred in General Fentiman's case."

"I expect it to take effect pretty quickly. Normally, it would make someone sick and dizzy. But with a strong heart stimulant like digitalin, the biggest risk is that any sudden movement, like jumping up quickly from a sitting position, could lead to fainting and even death. I’d say that’s what happened in General Fentiman's case."

"And that might have happened at any time after the administration of the dose?"

"And that could have happened at any time after the dose was given?"

"Just so."

"Exactly."

"Well, I'm very much obliged to you, Dr. Penberthy. I will just see your nurse and take copies of the entries in your books, if I may."

"Well, I really appreciate it, Dr. Penberthy. I'll just check with your nurse and get copies of the entries in your books, if that's okay."

This done, Parker made his way to Portman Square, still a little hazy in his mind as to the habits of the common foxglove when applied internally—a haziness which was in no way improved by a subsequent consultation of the Materia Medica, the Pharmacopœia, Dixon Mann, Taylor, Glaister, and others of those writers who have so kindly and helpfully published their conclusions on toxicology.

This done, Parker headed to Portman Square, still a bit unclear about the effects of common foxglove when taken internally—a confusion that wasn't helped at all by his later review of the Materia Medica, the Pharmacopœia, Dixon Mann, Taylor, Glaister, and other authors who have generously shared their insights on toxicology.


CHAPTER XVI

Quadrille

Quadrille Dance

"Mrs. Rushworth, this is Lord Peter Wimsey. Naomi, this is Lord Peter. He's fearfully keen on glands and things, so I've brought him along. And Naomi, do tell me all about your news. Who is it? Do I know him?"

"Mrs. Rushworth, this is Lord Peter Wimsey. Naomi, this is Lord Peter. He's really into glands and stuff, so I brought him with me. And Naomi, please tell me all about your news. Who is it? Do I know him?"

Mrs. Rushworth was a long, untidy woman, with long, untidy hair wound into bell-pushes over her ears. She beamed short-sightedly at Peter.

Mrs. Rushworth was a tall, messy woman with long, messy hair twisted into knots over her ears. She smiled at Peter, squinting slightly.

"So glad to see you. So very wonderful about glands, isn't it? Dr. Voronoff, you know, and those marvelous old sheep. Such a hope for all of us. Not that dear Walter is specially interested in rejuvenation. Perhaps life is long and difficult enough as it is, don't you think—so full of problems of one kind and another. And the insurance companies have quite set their faces against it, or so I understand. That's natural isn't it, when you come to think of it. But the effect on character is so interesting, you know. Are you devoted to young criminals by any chance?"

"So glad to see you. It’s really amazing what they’ve discovered about glands, isn’t it? Dr. Voronoff, you know, and those incredible old sheep. There’s so much hope for all of us. Not that dear Walter is particularly interested in rejuvenation. Maybe life is already long and tough enough as it is, don’t you think? It’s just packed with one problem after another. And the insurance companies definitely oppose it, or so I hear. That makes sense, right, when you really think about it? But the impact on character is really fascinating, you know. Are you by any chance interested in young criminals?"

Wimsey said that they presented a very perplexing problem.

Wimsey said that they posed a very confusing problem.

"How very true. So perplexing. And just to think that we have been quite wrong about them all these thousands of years. Flogging and bread-and-water, you know, and Holy Communion, when what they really needed was a little bit of rabbit-gland or something to make them just as good as gold. Quite terrible, isn't it? And all those poor freaks in sideshows, too—dwarfs and giants, you know—all pineal or pituitary, and they come right again. Though I daresay they make a great deal more money as they are, which throws such a distressing light on unemployment, does it not?"

"How true that is. It's so confusing. Just think about how we've been completely wrong about them all these thousands of years. Punishments and strict diets, and Holy Communion, when what they really needed was a little bit of rabbit gland or something to make them perfectly healthy. It's quite shocking, isn’t it? And all those poor people in sideshows too—dwarfs and giants, you know—all just dealing with issues related to their pineal or pituitary glands, and then they get better. But I guess they make a lot more money as they are, which really shines a harsh light on unemployment, doesn’t it?"

Wimsey said that everything had the defects of its qualities.

Wimsey said that everything has flaws along with its strengths.

"Yes, indeed," agreed Mrs. Rushworth. "But I think it is so infinitely more heartening to look at it from the opposite point of view. Everything has the qualities of its defects, too, has it not? It is so important to see these things in their true light. It will be such a joy for Naomi to be able to help dear Walter in this great work. I hope you will feel eager to subscribe to the establishment of the new Clinic."

"Absolutely," said Mrs. Rushworth. "But I believe it's so much more uplifting to see it from the other perspective. Everything has its positives as well as its flaws, doesn’t it? It's really important to view things accurately. It will be such a delight for Naomi to help dear Walter with this important project. I hope you’ll be excited to contribute to the creation of the new Clinic."

Wimsey asked, what new Clinic.

Wimsey asked, which new clinic?

"Oh! hasn't Marjorie told you about it? The new Clinic to make everybody good by glands. That is what dear Walter is going to speak about. He is so keen and so is Naomi. It was such a joy to me when Naomi told me that they were really engaged, you know. Not that her old mother hadn't suspected something, of course," added Mrs. Rushworth, archly. "But young people are so odd nowadays and keep their affairs so much to themselves."

"Oh! Hasn’t Marjorie mentioned it to you? The new clinic that aims to improve everyone through glands. That’s what dear Walter is going to talk about. He’s really excited, and so is Naomi. I was so happy when Naomi told me they were actually engaged, you know. Not that her mother hadn’t suspected something, of course," Mrs. Rushworth added playfully. "But young people are so strange these days and keep their personal lives so private."

Wimsey said that he thought both parties were heartily to be congratulated. And indeed, from what he had seen of Naomi Rushworth, he felt that she at least deserved congratulation, for she was a singularly plain girl, with a face like a weasel.

Wimsey stated that he believed both parties deserved to be congratulated. And honestly, from what he had seen of Naomi Rushworth, he felt she at least deserved praise, because she was a remarkably plain girl, with a face that resembled a weasel.

"You will excuse me if I run off and speak to some of these other people, won't you?" went on Mrs. Rushworth. "I'm sure you will be able to amuse yourself. No doubt you have many friends in my little gathering."

"You won't mind if I go talk to some of the other people, will you?" Mrs. Rushworth continued. "I'm sure you can keep yourself entertained. I have no doubt you have plenty of friends here at my little get-together."

Wimsey glanced around and was about to felicitate himself on knowing nobody, when a familiar face caught his eye.

Wimsey looked around and was about to congratulate himself for not knowing anyone when a familiar face caught his attention.

"Why," said he, "there is Dr. Penberthy."

"Why," he said, "there's Dr. Penberthy."

"Dear Walter!" cried Mrs. Rushworth, turning hurriedly in the direction indicated. "I declare, so he is. Ah, well—now we shall be able to begin. He should have been here before, but a doctor's time is never his own."

"Dear Walter!" exclaimed Mrs. Rushworth, quickly turning to the direction indicated. "I can't believe it, but there he is. Well—now we can finally get started. He should have been here earlier, but a doctor's schedule is never really his own."

"Penberthy?" said Wimsey, half aloud, "good lord!"

"Penberthy?" said Wimsey, almost to himself, "oh my gosh!"

"Very sound man," said a voice beside him. "Don't think the worse of his work from seeing him in this crowd. Beggars in a good cause can't be choosers, as we parsons know too well."

"He's a really good guy," said a voice next to him. "Don't judge his work just because you see him in this crowd. Those in need for a good cause can't be picky, as we ministers know all too well."

Wimsey turned to face a tall, lean man, with a handsome, humorous face, whom he recognized as a well-known slum padre.

Wimsey turned to face a tall, thin man with a charming, witty face, whom he recognized as a well-known neighborhood priest.

"Father Whittington, isn't it?"

"Isn't it Father Whittington?"

"The same. You're Lord Peter Wimsey, I know. We've got an interest in crime in common, haven't we? I'm interested in this glandular theory. It may throw a great light on some of our heart-breaking problems."

"The same. You're Lord Peter Wimsey, right? We share an interest in crime, don’t we? I'm curious about this glandular theory. It might shed some light on some of our tough problems."

"Glad to see there's no antagonism between religion and science," said Wimsey.

"Glad to see there's no conflict between religion and science," said Wimsey.

"Of course not. Why should there be? We are all searching for Truth."

"Of course not. Why would there be? We’re all looking for the Truth."

"And all these?" asked Wimsey, indicating the curious crowd with a wave of the hand.

"And all these?" asked Wimsey, waving his hand towards the curious crowd.

"In their way. They mean well. They do what they can, like the woman in the Gospels, and they are surprisingly generous. Here's Penberthy, looking for you, I fancy. Well, Dr. Penberthy, I've come, you see, to hear you make mince-meat of original sin."

"In their own way. They mean well. They do what they can, like the woman in the Gospels, and they are surprisingly generous. Here’s Penberthy, looking for you, I guess. Well, Dr. Penberthy, I've come, you see, to hear you break down original sin."

"That's very open-minded of you," said Penberthy, with a rather strained smile. "I hope you are not hostile. We've no quarrel with the Church, you know, if she'll stick to her business and leave us to ours."

"That's really open-minded of you," said Penberthy, forcing a smile. "I hope you're not being hostile. We have no issue with the Church, as long as it focuses on its own matters and lets us handle ours."

"My dear man, if you can cure sin with an injection, I shall be only too pleased. Only be sure you don't pump in something worse in the process. You know the parable of the swept and garnished house."

"My dear man, if you can cure sin with a shot, I’d be more than happy. Just make sure you’re not injecting something even worse in the process. You know the parable of the clean and decorated house."

"I'll be as careful as I can," said Penberthy. "Excuse me one moment. I say, Wimsey, you've heard all about Lubbock's analysis, I suppose."

"I'll be as careful as I can," Penberthy said. "Excuse me for a moment. Hey, Wimsey, I assume you've heard all about Lubbock's analysis?"

"Yes. Bit of a startler, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's a bit of a shock, isn't it?"

"It's going to make things damnably awkward for me, Wimsey. I wish to God you'd given me a hint at the time. Such a thing never once occurred to me."

"It's going to make things really awkward for me, Wimsey. I wish to God you had given me a hint back then. I never even thought about something like that."

"Why should it? You were expecting the old boy to pop off from heart, and he did pop off from heart. Nobody could possibly blame you."

"Why should it? You thought the old guy would have a heart attack, and he did have a heart attack. No one could really blame you."

"Couldn't they? That's all you know about juries. I wouldn't have had this happen, just at this moment, for a fortune. It couldn't have chosen a more unfortunate time."

"Couldn't they? That's all you know about juries. I wouldn't want this to happen right now for any amount of money. It couldn't have happened at a worse time."

"It'll blow over, Penberthy. That sort of mistake happens a hundred times a week. By the way, I gather I'm to congratulate you. When did this get settled? You've been very quiet about it."

"It'll pass, Penberthy. That kind of mistake happens all the time. By the way, I hear I should congratulate you. When did this get finalized? You've been pretty hush-hush about it."

"I was starting to tell you up at that infernal exhumation business, only somebody barged in. Yes. Thanks very much. We fixed it up—oh! about a fortnight or three weeks ago. You have met Naomi?"

"I was just getting ready to tell you about that awful exhumation thing, but then someone interrupted. Yeah. Thanks a lot. We took care of it—oh! about two weeks or so ago. Have you met Naomi?"

"Only for a moment this evening. My friend Miss Phelps carried her off to hear all about you."

"Just for a moment this evening. My friend Miss Phelps took her away to tell her all about you."

"Oh, yes. Well, you must come along and talk to her. She's a sweet girl, and very intelligent. The old lady's a bit of a trial, I don't mind saying, but her heart's in the right place. And there's no doubt she gets hold of people whom it's very useful to meet."

"Oh, absolutely. You should definitely go talk to her. She’s a lovely girl and really smart. The old lady can be a bit challenging, to be honest, but she means well. And there’s no question that she knows some really helpful people to connect with."

"I didn't know you were such an authority on glands."

"I had no idea you were such an expert on glands."

"I only wish I could afford to be. I've done a certain amount of experimental work under Professor Sligo. It's the Science of the Future, as they say in the press. There really isn't any doubt about that. It puts biology in quite a new light. We're on the verge of some really interesting discoveries, no doubt about it. Only what with the anti-vivisectors and the parsons and the other old women, one doesn't make the progress one ought. Oh, lord—they're waiting for me to begin. See you later."

"I just wish I could afford to be. I've done some experimental work with Professor Sligo. It's the Science of the Future, as they say in the media. There's really no doubt about that. It presents biology in a completely new way. We're on the brink of some really fascinating discoveries, no question about it. But with the anti-vivisectionists and the priests and all the other naysayers, you don't make the progress you should. Oh, man—they're waiting for me to start. Talk to you later."

"Half a jiff. I really came here—no, dash it, that's rude! but I'd no idea you were the lecturer till I spotted you. I originally came here (that sounds better) to get a look at Miss Dorland of Fentiman fame. But my trusty guide has abandoned me. Do you know Miss Dorland? Can you tell me which she is?"

"Just a moment. I actually came here—no, wait, that sounds rude! I had no idea you were the lecturer until I saw you. I really came here (that sounds better) to check out Miss Dorland, the one from Fentiman. But my reliable guide left me hanging. Do you know Miss Dorland? Can you tell me which one she is?"

"I know her to speak to. I haven't seen her this evening. She may not turn up, you know."

"I know her well enough to talk to her. I haven't seen her tonight. She might not show up, you know."

"I thought she was very keen on—on glands and things."

"I thought she was really interested in—like glands and stuff."

"I believe she is—or thinks she is. Anything does for these women, as long as it's new—especially if it's sexual. By the way, I don't intend to be sexual."

"I think she is—or thinks she is. These women will settle for anything, as long as it's new—especially if it’s about sex. By the way, I don’t plan on being sexual."

"Bless you for that. Well, possibly Miss Dorland will show up later."

"Thanks for that. Well, maybe Miss Dorland will show up later."

"Perhaps. But—I say, Wimsey. She's in rather a queer position, isn't she? She may not feel inclined to face it. It's all in the papers, you know."

"Maybe. But—listen, Wimsey. She’s in a pretty strange situation, isn’t she? She might not want to deal with it. It’s all in the news, you know."

"Dash it, don't I know it? That inspired tippler, Salcombe Hardy, got hold of it somehow. I think he bribes the cemetery officials to give him advance news of exhumations. He's worth his weight in pound notes to the Yell. Cheerio! Speak your bit nicely. You don't mind if I'm not in the front row, do you? I always take up a strategic position near the door that leads to the grub."

"Honestly, don't I know it? That crafty drinker, Salcombe Hardy, managed to get the scoop somehow. I suspect he pays off the cemetery staff to get early intel on exhumations. He's worth his weight in cash to the Yell. Goodbye! Make sure you say your piece nicely. You don't mind if I'm not sitting in the front row, right? I always choose a good spot near the door that leads to the food."


Penberthy's paper struck Wimsey as being original and well-delivered. The subject was not altogether unfamiliar to him, for Wimsey had a number of distinguished scientific friends who found him a good listener, but some of the experiments mentioned were new and the conclusions suggestive. True to his principles, Wimsey made a bolt for the supper-room, while polite hands were still applauding. He was not the first, however. A large figure in a hard-worked looking dress-suit was already engaged with a pile of savory sandwiches and a whisky-and-soda. It turned at his approach and beamed at him from its liquid and innocent blue eyes. Sally Hardy—never quite drunk and never quite sober—was on the job, as usual. He held out the sandwich-plate invitingly.

Penberthy's paper seemed original and well-presented to Wimsey. The topic wasn't entirely new to him since he had several distinguished scientific friends who appreciated him as a good listener, but some of the experiments mentioned were fresh, and the conclusions were thought-provoking. Staying true to his principles, Wimsey made a beeline for the supper room while polite applause still filled the air. However, he wasn’t the first to arrive. A large figure in a well-worn dress suit was already digging into a plate of tasty sandwiches and a whisky and soda. It turned to greet him, its liquid and innocent blue eyes shining. Sally Hardy—always balancing on the edge of tipsy and sober—was on the job as usual. He held out the plate of sandwiches in an inviting gesture.

"Damn good, these are," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Damn good, these are," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you, if it comes to that?" asked Wimsey.

"What are you, really?" asked Wimsey.

Hardy laid a fat hand on his sleeve.

Hardy put a heavy hand on his sleeve.

"Two birds with one stone," he said, impressively. "Smart fellow, that Penberthy. Glands are news, you know. He knows it. He'll be one of these fashionable practitioners"—Sally repeated this phrase once or twice, as it seemed to have got mixed up with the soda—"before long. Doing us poor bloody journalists out of a job like ... and ..." (He mentioned two gentlemen whose signed contributions to popular dailies were a continual source of annoyance to the G.M.C.)

"Two birds with one stone," he said, impressively. "Smart guy, that Penberthy. Glands are in the spotlight, you know. He knows it. He'll be one of those trendy doctors"—Sally repeated this phrase a couple of times, as it seemed to have mixed in with the soda—"before long. Taking jobs away from us poor journalists... and..." (He named two men whose articles in popular daily newspapers were a constant source of frustration to the G.M.C.)

"Provided he doesn't damage his reputation over this Fentiman affair," rejoined Wimsey, in a refined shriek which did duty for a whisper amid the noisy stampede which had followed them up to the refreshment-table.

" as long as he doesn't ruin his reputation over this Fentiman situation," Wimsey replied, in a refined squeal that served as a whisper amid the loud rush that had followed them to the refreshment table.

"Ah! there you are," said Hardy. "Penberthy's news in himself. He's a story, don't you see. We'll have to sit on the fence a bit, of course, till we see which way the cat jumps. I'll have a par. about it at the end, mentioning that he attended old Fentiman. Presently we'll be able to work up a little thing on the magazine page about the advisability of a p.m. in all cases of sudden death. You know—even experienced doctors may be deceived. If he comes off very badly in cross-examination, there can be something about specialists not always being trustworthy—a kind word for the poor down-trodden G.P. and all that. Anyhow, he's worth a story. It doesn't matter what you say about him, provided you say something. You couldn't do us a little thing—about eight hundred words, could you—about rigor mortis or something? Only make it snappy."

"Ah! there you are," said Hardy. "Penberthy is news himself. He's a story, don’t you see? We’ll have to wait a bit to see which way things go. I’ll mention it at the end, noting that he attended old Fentiman. Soon, we’ll be able to put together a piece for the magazine about the need for a post-mortem in any sudden death case. You know—even experienced doctors can be misled. If he doesn’t hold up too well under cross-examination, we can write something about how specialists aren't always reliable—a nice mention for the poor, underappreciated G.P. and all that. Anyway, he’s worth a story. It doesn’t matter what you say about him, as long as you say something. Could you do us a quick piece—about eight hundred words—on rigor mortis or something? Just make it snappy."

"I could not," said Wimsey. "I haven't time and I don't want the money. Why should I? I'm not a dean or an actress."

"I can't," said Wimsey. "I don't have the time and I don't want the money. Why should I? I'm not a dean or an actress."

"No, but you're news. You can give me the money, if you're so beastly flush. Look here, have you got a line on this case at all? That police friend of yours won't give anything away. I want to get something in before there's an arrest, because after that it's contempt. I suppose it's the girl you're after, isn't it? Can you tell me anything about her?"

"No, but you're new. You can lend me the money if you're so loaded. Look, do you have any leads on this case at all? That police friend of yours isn’t sharing anything. I want to get some information in before there’s an arrest, because after that it’s a whole different situation. I guess you're interested in the girl, right? Can you tell me anything about her?"

"No—I came here to-night to get a look at her but she hasn't turned up. I wish you could dig up her hideous past for me. The Rushworths must know something about her, I should think. She used to paint or something. Can't you get on to that?"

"No—I came here tonight to see her, but she hasn't shown up. I wish you could find out about her ugly past for me. The Rushworths must know something about her, I would think. She used to paint or something. Can't you look into that?"

Hardy's face lighted up.

Hardy's face lit up.

"Waffles Newton will probably know something," he said. "I'll see what I can dig out. Thanks very much, old man. That's given me an idea. We might get one of her pictures on the back pages. The old lady seems to have been a queer old soul. Odd will, wasn't it?"

"Waffles Newton probably knows something," he said. "I'll see what I can find out. Thanks a lot, old man. That gives me an idea. We might be able to get one of her pictures in the back pages. The old lady seems to have been an unusual character. That will was strange, wasn't it?"

"Oh, I can tell you all about that," said Wimsey. "I thought you probably knew."

"Oh, I can tell you all about that," Wimsey said. "I figured you probably knew."

He gave Hardy the history of Lady Dormer as he had heard it from Mr. Murbles. The journalist was enthralled.

He told Hardy the story of Lady Dormer as he had heard it from Mr. Murbles. The journalist was captivated.

"Great stuff!" he said. "That'll get em. Romance there! This'll be a scoop for the Yell. Excuse me. I want to 'phone it through to 'em before somebody else gets it. Don't hand it out to any of the other fellows."

"Awesome!" he said. "That'll get their attention. Romance in that! This will be a scoop for the Yell. Hold on a second. I want to call it in before someone else beats me to it. Don't share it with any of the other guys."

"They can get it from Robert or George Fentiman," warned Wimsey.

"They can get it from Robert or George Fentiman," Wimsey warned.

"Not much, they won't," said Salcombe Hardy, feelingly. "Robert Fentiman gave old Barton of the Banner such a clip under the ear this morning that he had to go and see a dentist. And George has gone down to the Bellona, and they won't let anybody in. I'm all right on this. If there's anything I can do for you, I will, you bet. So long."

"Not much, they won’t," said Salcombe Hardy, with emotion. "Robert Fentiman gave old Barton from the Banner such a hit under the ear this morning that he had to visit a dentist. And George has gone down to the Bellona, and they aren’t letting anyone in. I'm good on this. If there’s anything I can do for you, I will, for sure. Take care."

He faded away. A hand was laid on Peter's arm.

He disappeared. Someone placed a hand on Peter's arm.

"You're neglecting me shockingly," said Marjorie Phelps. "And I'm frightfully hungry. I've been doing my best to find things out for you."

"You're seriously neglecting me," Marjorie Phelps said. "And I'm really hungry. I've been trying hard to gather information for you."

"That's top-hole of you. Look here. Come and sit out in the hall; it's quieter. I'll scrounge some grub and bring it along."

"That's really great of you. Come on, let’s sit out in the hall; it’s quieter there. I’ll grab some food and bring it with me."

He secured a quantity of curious little stuffed buns, four petits-fours, some dubious claret-cup and some coffee and brought them with him on a tray, snatched while the waitress's back was turned.

He grabbed a bunch of interesting little stuffed buns, four petits-fours, some questionable claret-cup, and some coffee, and carried them on a tray that he took while the waitress wasn't looking.

"Thanks," said Marjorie. "I deserve all I can get for having talked to Naomi Rushworth. I cannot like that girl. She hints things."

"Thanks," Marjorie said. "I deserve everything I can get for having talked to Naomi Rushworth. I can't stand that girl. She drops hints."

"What, particularly?"

"What specifically?"

"Well, I started to ask about Ann Dorland. So she said she wasn't coming. So I said, 'Oh, why?' and she said, 'She said she wasn't well.'"

"Well, I started to ask about Ann Dorland. So she said she wasn't coming. So I asked, 'Oh, why?' and she replied, 'She said she wasn't feeling well.'"

"Who said?"

"Who said that?"

"Naomi Rushworth said Ann Dorland said she couldn't come because she wasn't well. But she said that was only an excuse, of course."

"Naomi Rushworth said that Ann Dorland said she couldn’t come because she wasn’t feeling well. But she claimed that was just an excuse, of course."

"Who said?"

"Who said that?"

"Naomi said. So I said, was it? And she said yes, she didn't suppose she felt like facing people very much. So I said, 'I thought you were such friends.' So she said, 'Well, we are, but of course Ann always was a little abnormal, you see.' So I said that was the first I had heard of it. And she gave me one of her catty looks and said, 'Well, there was Ambrose Ledbury, wasn't there? But of course you had other things to think of then, hadn't you?' The little beast. She meant Komski. And after all, everybody knows how obvious she's made herself over this man Penberthy."

"Naomi said. So I asked, was it? And she said yes, she didn't really feel like facing people much. So I said, 'I thought you were such good friends.' She replied, 'Well, we are, but Ann has always been a bit different, you know.' So I mentioned that was the first I'd heard of it. She shot me one of her catty looks and said, 'Well, there was Ambrose Ledbury, right? But you had other things on your mind back then, didn't you?' The little beast. She was talking about Komski. And honestly, everyone knows how obvious she's been about this guy Penberthy."

"I'm sorry, I've got mixed."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused."

"Well, I was rather fond of Komski. And I did almost promise to live with him, till I found that his last three women had all got fed up with him and left him, and I felt there must be something wrong with a man who continually got left, and I've discovered since that he was a dreadful bully when he dropped that touching lost-dog manner of his. So I was well out of it. Still, seeing that Naomi had been going about for the last year nearly, looking at Dr. Penberthy like a female spaniel that thinks it's going to be whipped, I can't see why she need throw Komski in my face. And as for Ambrose Ledbury, anybody might have been mistaken in him."

"Well, I was pretty fond of Komski. I almost promised to stay with him until I found out that his last three girlfriends had all gotten fed up with him and left. I felt there had to be something wrong with a guy who constantly got ditched, and I've realized since that he was a terrible bully when he stopped playing that sad lost-dog act. So I was lucky to get out of that. Still, considering that Naomi has been wandering around for almost a year, looking at Dr. Penberthy like a scared puppy, I don't see why she needs to throw Komski in my face. And as for Ambrose Ledbury, anyone could have been wrong about him."

"Who was Ambrose Ledbury?"

"Who is Ambrose Ledbury?"

"Oh, he was the man who had that studio over Boulter's Mews. Powerfulness was his strong suit, and being above worldly considerations. He was rugged and wore homespun and painted craggy people in bedrooms, but his color was amazing. He really could paint and so we could excuse a lot, but he was a professional heart-breaker. He used to gather people up hungrily in his great arms, you know—that's always rather irresistible. But he had no discrimination. It was just a habit, and his affairs never lasted long. But Ann Dorland was really rather overcome, you know. She tried the craggy style herself, but it wasn't at all her line—she hasn't any color-sense, so there was nothing to make up for the bad drawing."

"Oh, he was the guy who had that studio over Boulter's Mews. Strength was his strong suit, and he was above all material concerns. He was rugged, wore homemade clothes, and painted rough-looking people in their bedrooms, but his use of color was incredible. He truly could paint, so we forgave a lot, but he was a professional heartbreaker. He used to scoop people up in his big arms, you know—that's always pretty irresistible. But he had no taste. It was just a habit, and his relationships never lasted long. But Ann Dorland was really quite taken with him, you know. She tried the rugged style herself, but it wasn’t really her thing—she didn’t have any sense of color, so there was nothing to make up for the poor drawing."

"I thought you said she didn't have any affairs."

"I thought you said she didn't have any relationships."

"It wasn't an affair. I expect Ledbury gathered her up at some time or other when there wasn't anybody else handy, but he did demand good looks for anything serious. He went off to Poland a year ago with a woman called Natasha somebody. After that, Ann Dorland began to chuck painting. The trouble was, she took things seriously. A few little passions would have put her right, but she isn't the sort of person a man can enjoy flirting with. Heavy-handed. I don't think she would have gone on worrying about Ledbury if he hadn't happened to be the one and only episode. Because, as I say, she did make a few efforts, but she couldn't bring 'em off."

"It wasn’t an affair. I bet Ledbury hooked up with her at some point when no one else was around, but he definitely wanted someone good-looking for anything serious. He left for Poland a year ago with a woman named Natasha something. After that, Ann Dorland stopped painting. The problem was, she took everything too seriously. A few casual flings could have helped her, but she’s not the type a guy can have fun flirting with. Too intense. I don’t think she would have continued worrying about Ledbury if he hadn’t been her one and only experience. Like I said, she did try a few times, but she just couldn’t make it happen."

"I see."

"Got it."

"But that's no reason why Naomi should turn round like that. The fact is, the little brute's so proud of having landed a man—and an engagement ring—for herself, that she's out to patronize everybody else."

"But that's no reason for Naomi to act like that. The truth is, the little brat is so proud of having snagged a guy—and an engagement ring—for herself that she's trying to look down on everyone else."

"Oh?"

"Oh?"

"Yes; besides, everything is looked at from dear Walter's point of view now, and naturally Walter isn't feeling very loving towards Ann Dorland."

"Yes; besides, everything is viewed from dear Walter's perspective now, and naturally Walter isn't feeling very affectionate towards Ann Dorland."

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

"My dear man, you're being very discreet, aren't you? Naturally, everybody's saying that she did it."

"My dear man, you're being quite discreet, aren't you? Naturally, everyone is saying that she did it."

"Are they?"

"Are they?"

"Who else could they think did it?"

"Who else could they think did it?"

Wimsey realized, indeed, that everybody must be thinking it. He was exceedingly inclined to think it himself.

Wimsey realized that everyone must be thinking it. He was very inclined to think it himself.

"Probably that's why she didn't turn up."

"That's probably why she didn't show up."

"Of course it is. She's not a fool. She must know."

"Of course she does. She's not stupid. She has to know."

"That's true. Look here, will you do something for me? Something more, I mean?"

"That's true. Can you do something for me? Something more, I mean?"

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

"From what you say, it looks as though Miss Dorland might find herself rather short of friends in the near future. If she comes to you...."

"Based on what you said, it seems like Miss Dorland might end up with fewer friends soon. If she reaches out to you...."

"I'm not going to spy on her. Not if she had poisoned fifty old generals."

"I'm not going to spy on her. Not even if she had poisoned fifty old generals."

"I don't want you to. But I want you to keep an open mind, and tell me what you think. Because I don't want to make a mistake over this. And I'm prejudiced. I want Miss Dorland to be guilty. So I'm very likely to persuade myself she is when she isn't. See?"

"I don't want you to. But I want you to keep an open mind and tell me what you think. Because I don't want to make a mistake about this. And I'm biased. I want Miss Dorland to be guilty. So I'm probably going to convince myself that she is when she isn't. Got it?"

"Why do you want her to be guilty?"

"Why do you want her to be guilty?"

"I oughtn't to have mentioned that. Of course, I don't want her found guilty if she isn't really."

"I shouldn't have said that. Of course, I don't want her to be found guilty if she isn't actually."

"All right. I won't ask questions. And I'll try and see Ann. But I won't try to worm anything out of her. That's definite. I'm standing by Ann."

"Okay. I won't ask any questions. I'll try to see Ann. But I won't try to get anything out of her. That's for sure. I'm supporting Ann."

"My dear girl," said Wimsey, "you're not keeping an open mind. You think she did it."

"My dear girl," said Wimsey, "you're not keeping an open mind. You think she did it."

Marjorie Phelps flushed.

Marjorie Phelps blushed.

"I don't. Why do you think that?"

"I don't. Why do you think that?"

"Because you're so anxious not to worm anything out of her. Worming couldn't hurt an innocent person."

"Because you're so worried about getting anything out of her. Trying to pry could never hurt an innocent person."

"Peter Wimsey! You sit there looking a perfectly well-bred imbecile, and then in the most underhand way you twist people into doing things they ought to blush for. No wonder you detect things. I will not do your worming for you!"

"Peter Wimsey! You sit there looking like a perfectly well-mannered fool, and then in the sneakiest way you manipulate people into doing things they should be ashamed of. It’s no surprise you figure things out. I will not do your dirty work for you!"

"Well, if you don't, I shall know your opinion, shan't I?"

"Well, if you don't, I'll know what you think, won't I?"

The girl was silent for a moment. Then she said:

The girl was quiet for a moment. Then she said:

"It's all so beastly."

"It's all so awful."

"Poisoning is a beastly crime, don't you think?" said Wimsey.

"Poisoning is a terrible crime, don’t you agree?" said Wimsey.

He got up quickly. Father Whittington was approaching, with Penberthy.

He quickly got up. Father Whittington was coming over, with Penberthy.

"Well," said Lord Peter, "have the altars reeled?"

"Well," said Lord Peter, "have the altars spun?"

"Dr. Penberthy has just informed me that they haven't a leg to stand on," replied the priest, smiling. "We have been spending a pleasant quarter of an hour abolishing good and evil. Unhappily, I understand his dogma as little as he understands mine. But I exercised myself in Christian humility. I said I was willing to learn."

"Dr. Penberthy just told me that they don’t have a solid argument," the priest said with a smile. "We’ve spent a nice fifteen minutes discussing the concepts of good and evil. Unfortunately, I understand his beliefs as little as he understands mine. But I practiced Christian humility. I said I was open to learning."

Penberthy laughed.

Penberthy chuckled.

"You don't object, then, to my casting out devils with a syringe," he said, "when they have proved obdurate to prayer and fasting?"

"You don't mind, then, me using a syringe to cast out demons," he said, "when they've been resistant to prayer and fasting?"

"Not at all. Why should I? So long as they are cast out. And provided you are certain of your diagnosis."

"Not at all. Why should I? As long as they are excluded. And as long as you're sure about your diagnosis."

Penberthy crimsoned and turned away sharply.

Penberthy blushed and turned away quickly.

"Oh, lord!" said Wimsey. "That was a nasty one. From a Christian priest, too!"

"Oh, man!" said Wimsey. "That was a rough one. From a Christian priest, no less!"

"What have I said?" cried Father Whittington, much disconcerted.

"What did I say?" exclaimed Father Whittington, feeling quite confused.

"You have reminded science," said Wimsey, "that only the Pope is infallible."

"You've reminded science," Wimsey said, "that only the Pope is infallible."


CHAPTER XVII

Parker Plays A Hand

Parker Plays a Hand

"Now, Mrs. Mitcham," said Inspector Parker, affably. He was always saying "Now, Mrs. Somebody," and he always remembered to say it affably. It was part of the routine.

"Now, Mrs. Mitcham," said Inspector Parker, friendly as ever. He always said "Now, Mrs. Somebody," and he never forgot to say it in a friendly way. It was part of the routine.

The late Lady Dormer's housekeeper bowed frigidly, to indicate that she would submit to questioning.

The late Lady Dormer's housekeeper gave a cold bow to show that she was ready to answer questions.

"We want just to get the exact details of every little thing that happened to General Fentiman the day before he was found dead. I am sure you will help us. Do you recollect exactly what time he got here?"

"We just want to get all the exact details about everything that happened to General Fentiman the day before he was found dead. I'm sure you can help us. Do you remember exactly what time he arrived?"

"It would be round about a quarter to four—not later; I am sure I could not say exactly to the minute."

"It would be around a quarter to four—not later; I definitely couldn't say exactly to the minute."

"Who let him in?"

"Who let him in?"

"The footman."

"The servant."

"Did you see him then?"

"Did you see him?"

"Yes; he was shown into the drawing-room, and I came down to him and brought him upstairs to her ladyship's bedroom."

"Yes; he was taken to the living room, and I went down to meet him and brought him upstairs to her ladyship's bedroom."

"Miss Dorland did not see him then?"

"Did Miss Dorland not see him then?"

"No; she was sitting with her ladyship. She sent her excuses by me, and begged General Fentiman to come up."

"No; she was sitting with her lady. She sent her apologies through me and asked General Fentiman to come up."

"Did the General seem quite well when you saw him?"

"Did the General seem okay when you saw him?"

"So far as I could say he seemed well—always bearing in mind that he was a very old gentleman and had heard bad news."

"As far as I could tell, he seemed fine—keeping in mind that he was a very old man and had received some bad news."

"He was not bluish about the lips, or breathing very heavily, or anything of that kind?"

"He wasn't blue in the face, breathing heavily, or anything like that?"

"Well, going up the stairs tried him rather."

"Well, climbing the stairs was quite a challenge for him."

"Yes, of course it would."

"Of course it would."

"He stood still on the landing for a few minutes to get his breath. I asked him whether he would like to take something, but he said no, he was all right."

"He stood still on the landing for a few minutes to catch his breath. I asked him if he wanted something to drink, but he said no, he was fine."

"Ah! I daresay it would have been a good thing if he had accepted your very wise suggestion, Mrs. Mitcham."

"Ah! I think it would have been a good idea if he had taken your very smart suggestion, Mrs. Mitcham."

"No doubt he knew best," replied the housekeeper, primly. She considered that in making observations the policeman was stepping out of his sphere.

"No doubt he knew best," replied the housekeeper, primly. She felt that the policeman was stepping out of his authority by making observations.

"And then you showed him in. Did you witness the meeting between himself and Lady Dormer?"

"And then you let him in. Did you see the meeting between him and Lady Dormer?"

"I did not." (emphatically). "Miss Dorland got up and said 'How do you do, General Fentiman?' and shook hands with him, and then I left the room, as it was my place to do."

"I didn't." (emphatically). "Miss Dorland stood up and said, 'How do you do, General Fentiman?' and shook his hand, and then I left the room, as was expected of me."

"Just so. Was Miss Dorland alone with Lady Dormer when General Fentiman was announced?"

"Exactly. Was Miss Dorland alone with Lady Dormer when General Fentiman was announced?"

"Oh, no—the nurse was there."

"Oh no—the nurse was there."

"The nurse—yes, of course. Did Miss Dorland and the nurse stay in the room all the time that the General was there?"

"The nurse—yes, of course. Did Miss Dorland and the nurse stay in the room the entire time the General was there?"

"No. Miss Dorland came out again in about five minutes and came downstairs. She came to me in the housekeeper's room, and she looked rather sad. She said, 'Poor old dears,'—just like that."

"No. Miss Dorland came back out in about five minutes and walked downstairs. She found me in the housekeeper's room, and she seemed a bit down. She said, 'Poor old dears,'—just like that."

"Did she say any more?"

"Did she say anything else?"

"She said: 'They quarrelled, Mrs. Mitcham, ages and ages ago, when they were quite young, and they've never seen each other since.' Of course, I was aware of that, having been with her ladyship all these years, and so was Miss Dorland."

"She said: 'They fought, Mrs. Mitcham, a long time ago, when they were really young, and they've never met again since.' Of course, I knew that, having been with her ladyship all these years, and so did Miss Dorland."

"I expect it would seem very pitiful to a young lady like Miss Dorland?"

"I imagine it must seem pretty sad to a young woman like Miss Dorland?"

"No doubt; she is a young lady with feelings; not like some of those you see nowadays."

"No doubt; she is a young woman with emotions; not like some of those you see these days."

Parker wagged his head sympathetically.

Parker shook his head sympathetically.

"And then?"

"And what now?"

"Then Miss Dorland went away again, after a little talk with me, and presently Nellie came in—that's the housemaid."

"Then Miss Dorland left again after a brief conversation with me, and soon Nellie came in—that's the housemaid."

"How long after was that?"

"How long after was that?"

"Oh, some time. I had just finished my cup of tea which I have at four o'clock. It would be about half past. She came to ask for some brandy for the General, as he was feeling badly. The spirits are kept in my room, you see, and I have the key."

"Oh, it was a little while ago. I had just finished my cup of tea that I have at four o'clock. It was around half past. She came to ask for some brandy for the General, since he wasn't feeling well. The spirits are kept in my room, you know, and I have the key."

Parker showed nothing of his special interest in this piece of news.

Parker didn't show any special interest in this piece of news.

"Did you see the General when you took the brandy?"

"Did you see the General when you had the brandy?"

"I did not take it." Mrs. Mitcham's tone implied that fetching and carrying was not part of her duty. "I sent it by Nellie."

"I didn't take it." Mrs. Mitcham's tone suggested that running errands wasn't her responsibility. "I sent it with Nellie."

"I see. So you did not see the General again before he left?"

"I get it. So you didn’t see the General again before he left?"

"No. Miss Dorland informed me later that he had had a heart attack."

"No. Miss Dorland told me later that he had a heart attack."

"I am very much obliged to you, Mrs. Mitcham. Now I should like just to ask Nellie a few questions."

"I really appreciate it, Mrs. Mitcham. Now I just want to ask Nellie a few questions."

Mrs. Mitcham touched a bell. A fresh-faced pleasant-looking girl appeared in answer.

Mrs. Mitcham pressed a bell. A cheerful, attractive girl came in response.

"Nellie, this police-officer wants you to give him some information about that time General Fentiman came here. You must tell him what he wants to know, but remember he is busy and don't start your chattering. You can speak to Nellie here, officer."

"Nellie, this police officer needs you to provide some information about when General Fentiman was here. You have to answer his questions, but keep in mind he’s busy, so don’t start rambling. You can talk to Nellie here, officer."

And she sailed out.

And she set sail.

"A bit stiff, isn't she?" murmured Parker, in an awestruck whisper.

"A little stiff, isn't she?" Parker murmured, in a hushed, amazed tone.

"She's one of the old-fashioned sort, I don't mind saying," agreed Nellie with a laugh.

"She's the old-fashioned type, I don't mind saying," Nellie laughed.

"She put the wind up me. Now, Nellie—" he took up the old formula, "I hear you were sent to get some brandy for the old gentleman. Who told you about it?"

"She scared me. Now, Nellie—" he followed the usual routine, "I heard you were sent to get some brandy for the old man. Who let you know about that?"

"Why, it was like this. After the General had been with Lady Dormer getting on for an hour, the bell rang in her ladyship's room. It was my business to answer that, so I went up, and Nurse Armstrong put her head out and said, 'Get me a drop of brandy, Nellie, quick, and ask Miss Dorland to come here. General Fentiman's rather unwell.' So I went for the brandy to Mrs. Mitcham, and on the way up with it, I knocked at the studio door where Miss Dorland was."

"Here's what happened. After the General had spent about an hour with Lady Dormer, the bell rang in her ladyship's room. It was my job to answer that, so I went upstairs, and Nurse Armstrong stuck her head out and said, 'Hurry up and get me a bit of brandy, Nellie, and ask Miss Dorland to come here. General Fentiman's feeling a bit unwell.' So, I went to Mrs. Mitcham for the brandy, and on my way up with it, I knocked on the studio door where Miss Dorland was."

"Where's that, Nellie?"

"Where is that, Nellie?"

"It's a big room on the first floor—built over the kitchen. It used to be a billiard-room in the old days, with a glass roof. That's where Miss Dorland does her painting and messing about with bottles and things, and she uses it as a sitting-room, too."

"It's a large room on the first floor, built above the kitchen. It used to be a billiard room back in the day, with a glass roof. That's where Miss Dorland does her painting and experimenting with bottles and other things, and she also uses it as a living room."

"Messing about with bottles?"

"Playing around with bottles?"

"Well, chemists' stuff and things. Ladies have to have their hobbies, you know, not having any work to do. It makes a lot to clear up."

"Well, chemists' things and stuff. Women need their hobbies, you know, since they don’t have much work to do. It makes a lot to sort out."

"I'm sure it does. Well, go on, Nellie—I didn't mean to interrupt."

"I'm sure it does. Well, go ahead, Nellie—I didn't mean to cut you off."

"Well, I gave Nurse Armstrong's message, and Miss Dorland said, 'Oh, dear, Nellie,' she said, 'poor old gentleman. It's been too much for him. Give me the brandy, I'll take it along. And run along and get Dr. Penberthy on the telephone.' So I gave her the brandy and she took it upstairs."

"Well, I delivered Nurse Armstrong's message, and Miss Dorland said, 'Oh, dear, Nellie,' she said, 'poor old gentleman. It's been too much for him. Hand me the brandy, I'll take it upstairs. And go ahead and call Dr. Penberthy.' So I gave her the brandy and she went upstairs."

"Half a moment. Did you see her take it upstairs?"

"Wait a second. Did you see her take it upstairs?"

"Well, no, I don't think I actually saw her go up—but I thought she did. But I was going down to the telephone, so I didn't exactly notice."

"Well, no, I don’t think I actually saw her go up—but I thought she did. I was on my way to the phone, so I didn’t really pay attention."

"No—why should you?"

"No—why would you?"

"I had to look Dr. Penberthy's number up in the book, of course. There was two numbers, and when I got his private house, they told me he was in Harley Street. While I was trying to get the second number Miss Dorland called over the stairs to me. She said 'Have you got the doctor, Nellie?' And I said, 'No, miss, not yet. The doctor's round in Harley Street.' And she said, 'Oh! well, when you get him, say General Fentiman's had a bad turn and he's coming round to see him at once.' So I said, 'Isn't the doctor to come here, miss?' And she said, 'No; the General's better now and he says he would rather go round there. Tell William to get a taxi.' So she went back, and just then I got through to the surgery and said to Dr. Penberthy's man to expect General Fentiman at once. And then he came downstairs with Miss Dorland and Nurse Armstrong holding on to him, and he looked mortal bad, poor old gentleman. William—the footman, you know, came in then and said he'd got the taxi, and he put General Fentiman into it, and then Miss Dorland and Nurse went upstairs again, and that was the end of it."

"I had to look up Dr. Penberthy's number in the book, of course. There were two numbers, and when I got his home number, they told me he was in Harley Street. While I was trying to get the second number, Miss Dorland called down the stairs to me. She asked, 'Have you reached the doctor, Nellie?' I replied, 'No, miss, not yet. The doctor’s over in Harley Street.' She said, 'Oh! Well, when you get him, tell him General Fentiman's had a bad turn and he's coming over to see him right away.' So I asked, 'Isn't the doctor coming here, miss?' She replied, 'No; the General's feeling better now and he says he would rather go over there. Tell William to get a taxi.' Then she went back upstairs, and just then I got through to the surgery and told Dr. Penberthy's assistant to expect General Fentiman immediately. Then he came downstairs with Miss Dorland and Nurse Armstrong supporting him, and he looked really unwell, poor old gentleman. William—the footman, you know—came in then and said he'd gotten the taxi, and he helped General Fentiman into it, and then Miss Dorland and the Nurse went back upstairs, and that was the end of it."

"I see. How long have you been here, Nellie?"

"I get it. How long have you been here, Nellie?"

"Three years—sir." The "sir" was a concession to Parker's nice manners and educated way of speech. "Quite the gentleman," as Nellie remarked afterwards to Mrs. Mitcham, who replied, "No, Nellie—gentlemanlike I will not deny, but a policeman is a person, and I will trouble you to remember it."

"Three years—sir." The "sir" was a nod to Parker's good manners and polished way of speaking. "What a gentleman," Nellie commented later to Mrs. Mitcham, who replied, "No, Nellie—gentlemanly, I won't deny, but a policeman is a person, and I need you to keep that in mind."

"Three years? That's a long time as things go nowadays. Is it a comfortable place?"

"Three years? That feels like a long time these days. Is it a nice place?"

"Not bad. There's Mrs. Mitcham, of course, but I know how to keep the right side of her. And the old lady—well, she was a real lady in every way."

"Not bad. There’s Mrs. Mitcham, of course, but I know how to stay on her good side. And the old lady—she was truly a lady in every sense."

"And Miss Dorland?"

"And what about Miss Dorland?"

"Oh, she gives no trouble, except clearing up after her. But she always speaks nicely and says please and thank you. I haven't any complaints."

"Oh, she doesn't cause any trouble, except for the cleaning up after her. But she always speaks nicely and says please and thank you. I have no complaints."

"Modified rapture," thought Parker. Apparently Ann Dorland had not the knack of inspiring passionate devotion. "Not a very lively house, is it, for a young girl like yourself?"

"Modified rapture," Parker thought. It seemed that Ann Dorland didn’t have the ability to inspire passionate devotion. "Not a very lively place, is it, for a young girl like you?"

"Dull as ditchwater," agreed Nellie, frankly. "Miss Dorland would have what they called studio parties sometimes, but not at all smart and nearly all young ladies—artists and such-like."

"Pretty boring," Nellie said honestly. "Miss Dorland would sometimes have what they called studio parties, but they weren't at all classy and mostly just filled with young women—artists and that sort."

"And naturally it's been quieter still since Lady Dormer died. Was Miss Dorland very much distressed at her death?"

"And obviously it's been even quieter since Lady Dormer passed away. Was Miss Dorland very upset about her death?"

Nellie hesitated.

Nellie paused.

"She was very sorry, of course; her ladyship was the only one she had in the world. And then she was worried with all this lawyer's business—something about the will, I expect you know, sir?"

"She was really sorry, of course; her ladyship was the only person she had in the world. And then she was stressed out with all this lawyer stuff—something about the will, I assume you know, sir?"

"Yes, I know about that. Worried, was she?"

"Yes, I know about that. Was she worried?"

"Yes, and that angry—you wouldn't believe. There was one day Mr. Pritchard came, I remember particular, because I happened to be dusting the hall at the time, you see, and she was speaking that quick and loud I couldn't help hearing. 'I'll fight it for all I'm worth,' that was what she said and 'a ... something—to defraud'—what would that be, now?"

"Yeah, and it was really intense—you wouldn't believe it. There was one day Mr. Pritchard came by, I remember it clearly because I was dusting the hall at the time, and she was talking so fast and loud I couldn't help but hear. 'I'll fight it for everything I've got,' that's what she said, and 'a ... something—to defraud'—what could that be, anyway?"

"Plot?" suggested Parker.

"What's the plot?" suggested Parker.

"No—a—a conspiracy, that's it. A conspiracy to defraud. And then I didn't hear any more till Mr. Pritchard came out, and he said to her, 'Very well, Miss Dorland, we will make an independent inquiry.' And Miss Dorland looked so eager and angry, I was surprised. But it all seemed to wear off, like. She hasn't been the same person the last week or so."

"No—a—a conspiracy, that's what it is. A conspiracy to defraud. After that, I didn't hear anything else until Mr. Pritchard came out and told her, 'Alright, Miss Dorland, we'll conduct an independent inquiry.' Miss Dorland looked so eager and angry; I was shocked. But it all seemed to fade away, you know? She hasn't been the same in the last week or so."

"How do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, don't you notice it yourself, sir? She seems so quiet and almost frightened-like. As if she'd had a shock. And she cries a dreadful lot. She didn't do that at first."

"Well, don’t you see it yourself, sir? She seems so quiet and almost scared. It’s like she’s been through something shocking. And she cries a lot now. She didn’t do that at first."

"How long has she been so upset?"

"How long has she been this upset?"

"Well, I think it was when all this dreadful business came out about the poor old gentleman being murdered. It is awful, sir, isn't it? Do you think you'll catch the one as did it?"

"Well, I think it was when all this terrible news came out about the poor old man being murdered. It's awful, right? Do you think you'll catch the person who did it?"

"Oh, I expect so," said Parker, cheerfully. "That came as a shock to Miss Dorland, did it?"

"Oh, I bet it did," Parker said with a smile. "Was Miss Dorland surprised by that?"

"Well, I should say so. There was a little bit in the paper, you know, sir, about Sir James Lubbock having found out about the poisoning, and when I called Miss Dorland in the morning I took leave to point it out. I said, 'That's a funny thing, miss, isn't it, about General Fentiman being poisoned,' just like that, I said. And she said, 'Poisoned, Nellie? You must be mistaken'. So I showed her the bit in the paper and she looked just dreadful."

"Well, I should mention that. There was a small article in the paper about Sir James Lubbock discovering the poisoning, and when I called Miss Dorland in the morning, I took the opportunity to point it out. I said, 'That's strange, isn't it, about General Fentiman being poisoned?' just like that. And she responded, 'Poisoned, Nellie? You must be mistaken.' So I showed her the article in the paper, and she looked absolutely terrible."

"Well, well," said Parker, "it's a very horrid thing to hear about a person one knows. Anybody would be upset."

"Wow," said Parker, "it's really terrible to hear about someone you know. Anyone would be upset."

"Yes, sir; me and Mrs. Mitcham was quite overcome. 'Poor old gentleman,' I said, 'whatever should anybody want to do him in for? He must have gone off his head and made away with himself,' I said. Do you think that was it, sir?"

"Yeah, sir; Mrs. Mitcham and I were really shocked. 'Poor old man,' I said, 'why would anyone want to hurt him? He must have lost his mind and done something to himself,' I said. Do you think that’s what happened, sir?"

"It's quite possible, of course," said Parker, genially.

"It's definitely possible, of course," said Parker, in a friendly way.

"Cut up about his sister dying like that, don't you think? That's what I said to Mrs. Mitcham. But she said a gentleman like General Fentiman wouldn't make away with himself and leave his affairs in confusion like he did. So I said, 'Was his affairs in confusion then?' and she said, 'They're not your affairs, Nellie, so you needn't be discussing them.' What do you think yourself, sir?"

"Pretty upset about his sister dying like that, don't you think? That's what I told Mrs. Mitcham. But she said a guy like General Fentiman wouldn’t take his own life and leave his affairs in disarray like he did. So I asked, 'Were his affairs in disarray then?' and she replied, 'They're not your affairs, Nellie, so you shouldn't be discussing them.' What do you think yourself, sir?"

"I don't think anything yet," said Parker, "but you have been very helpful. Now, would you kindly run and ask Miss Dorland if she could spare me a few minutes?"

"I don’t think of anything yet," said Parker, "but you’ve been really helpful. Now, could you please go ask Miss Dorland if she can spare me a few minutes?"

Ann Dorland received him in the back drawing-room. He thought what an unattractive girl she was, with her sullen manner and gracelessness of form and movement. She sat huddled on one end of the sofa, in a black dress which made the worst of her sallow, blotched complexion. She had certainly been crying Parker thought, and when she spoke to him, it was curtly, in a voice roughened and hoarse and curiously lifeless.

Ann Dorland welcomed him into the back drawing room. He thought about how unattractive she looked, with her moody demeanor and awkward posture and movements. She was curled up at one end of the sofa, wearing a black dress that highlighted her unhealthy, blotchy skin. Parker assumed she had definitely been crying, and when she spoke to him, it was brief, in a rough and hoarse voice that sounded strangely flat.

"I am sorry to trouble you again," said Parker, politely.

"I'm sorry to bother you again," said Parker, politely.

"You can't help yourself, I suppose." She avoided his eyes, and lit a fresh cigarette from the stump of the last.

"You can't help it, I guess." She looked away from him and lit a new cigarette from the stub of the last one.

"I just want to have any details you can give me about General Fentiman's visit to his sister. Mrs. Mitcham brought him up to her bedroom, I understand."

"I just want to know any details you can share about General Fentiman's visit to his sister. I heard that Mrs. Mitcham took him up to her bedroom."

She gave a sulky nod.

She gave a moody nod.

"You were there?"

"You were there?"

She made no answer.

She didn't reply.

"Were you with Lady Dormer?" he insisted, rather more sharply.

"Were you with Lady Dormer?" he pressed, a bit more insistently.

"Yes."

Yes.

"And the nurse was there too?"

"And the nurse was there too?"

"Yes."

Yes.

She would not help him at all.

She wouldn't help him at all.

"What happened?"

"What’s going on?"

"Nothing happened. I took him up to the bed and said, 'Auntie, here's General Fentiman.'"

"Nothing happened. I took him to the bed and said, 'Auntie, here's General Fentiman.'"

"Lady Dormer was conscious, then?"

"Was Lady Dormer aware, then?"

"Yes."

"Yep."

"Very weak, of course?"

"Very weak, obviously?"

"Yes."

Yes.

"Did she say anything?"

"Did she say anything?"

"She said 'Arthur!' that's all. And he said, 'Felicity!' And I said, 'You'd like to be alone,' and went out."

"She said, 'Arthur!' That's all. And he replied, 'Felicity!' I said, 'You'd like to be alone,' and left."

"Leaving the nurse there?"

"Leaving the nurse here?"

"I couldn't dictate to the nurse. She had to look after her patient."

"I couldn't tell the nurse what to do. She needed to take care of her patient."

"Quite so. Did she stay there throughout the interview?"

"Exactly. Did she stay there the whole time during the interview?"

"I haven't the least idea."

"I have no idea."

"Well," said Parker, patiently, "you can tell me this. When you went in with the brandy, the nurse was in the bedroom then?"

"Well," said Parker, patiently, "you can tell me this: when you went in with the brandy, was the nurse in the bedroom then?"

"Yes, she was."

"Yeah, she was."

"Now, about the brandy. Nellie brought that up to you in the studio, she tells me."

"Now, about the brandy. Nellie mentioned that to you in the studio, she told me."

"Yes."

"Yeah."

"Did she come into the studio?"

"Did she come into the studio?"

"I don't understand."

"I don’t get it."

"Did she come right into the room, or did she knock at the door and did you come out to her on the landing?"

"Did she walk straight into the room, or did she knock on the door and you went out to meet her on the landing?"

This roused the girl a little. "Decent servants don't knock at doors," she said, with a contemptuous rudeness; "she came in, of course."

This stirred the girl a bit. "Proper servants don't knock," she said dismissively; "she just walked in, obviously."

"I beg your pardon," retorted Parker, stung. "I thought she might have knocked at the door of your private room."

"I’m sorry," Parker shot back, irritated. "I thought she might have knocked on the door to your private room."

"No."

"Nope."

"What did she say to you?"

"What did she say to you?"

"Can't you ask her all these questions?"

"Can't you ask her these questions?"

"I have done so. But servants are not always accurate; I should like your corroboration." Parker had himself in hand again now, and spoke pleasantly.

"I've done that. But servants aren't always reliable; I would appreciate your confirmation." Parker had regained his composure and spoke calmly.

"She said that Nurse Armstrong had sent her for some brandy, because General Fentiman was feeling faint, and told her to call me. So I said she had better go and telephone Dr. Penberthy while I took the brandy."

"She said that Nurse Armstrong had sent her for some brandy because General Fentiman was feeling faint and told her to call me. So I said she should go and call Dr. Penberthy while I got the brandy."

All this was muttered hurriedly, and in such a low tone that the detective could hardly catch the words.

All of this was whispered quickly and so quietly that the detective could barely hear what was being said.

"And then did you take the brandy straight upstairs?"

"And did you take the brandy straight upstairs?"

"Yes, of course."

"Sure, no problem."

"Taking it straight out of Nellie's hands? Or did she put it down on the table or anywhere?"

"Did you take it straight out of Nellie's hands? Or did she set it down on the table or somewhere?"

"How the hell should I remember?"

"How am I supposed to remember?"

Parker disliked a swearing woman, but he tried hard not to let this prejudice him.

Parker didn't like a woman who swore, but he worked hard not to let that bias him.

"You can't remember—at any rate, you know you went straight on up with it? You didn't wait to do anything else?"

"You can't remember—but you know you went right up with it, right? You didn't pause to do anything else?"

She seemed to pull herself together and make an effort to remember.

She appeared to gather herself and tried to recall.

"If it's so important as that, I think I stopped to turn down something that was boiling."

"If it's that important, I think I paused to turn off something that was boiling."

"Boiling? On the fire?"

"Boiling? On the stove?"

"On the gas-ring," she said, impatiently.

"On the burner," she said, impatiently.

"What sort of thing."

"What kind of thing?"

"Oh, nothing—some stuff."

"Oh, nothing—just some things."

"Tea or cocoa, or something like that, do you mean?"

"Do you mean something like tea or cocoa?"

"No—some chemical things," she said, letting the words go reluctantly.

"No—some chemical things," she said, letting the words slip out hesitantly.

"Were you making chemical experiments?"

"Are you doing chemical experiments?"

"Yes—I did a bit—just for fun—a hobby, you know—I don't do anything at it now. I took up the brandy——"

"Yeah—I did a little bit—just for fun—a hobby, you know—I don't do anything with it now. I started drinking brandy——"

Her anxiety to shelve the subject of chemistry seemed to be conquering her reluctance to get on with the story.

Her eagerness to avoid the topic of chemistry seemed to be overcoming her hesitation to continue with the story.

"You were making chemical experiments—although Lady Dormer was so ill?" said Parker, severely.

"You were doing chemical experiments—even though Lady Dormer was that sick?" Parker said, sternly.

"It was just to occupy my mind," she muttered.

"It was just to keep my mind busy," she muttered.

"What was the experiment?"

"What was the test?"

"I don't remember."

"I can’t remember."

"You can't remember at all?"

"Don't you remember anything?"

"NO!" she almost shouted at him.

"NO!" she nearly shouted at him.

"Never mind. You took the brandy upstairs?"

"Never mind. Did you take the brandy upstairs?"

"Yes—at least, it isn't really upstairs. It's all on the same landing, only there are six steps up to Auntie's room. Nurse Armstrong met me at the door, and said 'He's better now,' and I went in and saw General Fentiman sitting in a chair, looking very queer and gray. He was behind a screen where Auntie couldn't see him, or it would have been a great shock to her. Nurse said, 'I've given him his drops and I think a little brandy will put him right again.' So we gave him the brandy—only a small dose, and after a bit, he got less deathly-looking and seemed to be breathing better. I told him we were sending for the doctor, and he said he'd rather go round to Harley Street. I thought it was rash, but Nurse Armstrong said he seemed really better, and it would be a mistake to worry him into doing what he didn't want. So I told Nellie to warn the doctor and send William for a taxi. General Fentiman seemed stronger then, so we helped him downstairs and he went off in the taxi."

"Yeah—well, it’s not really upstairs. It’s all on the same level, but there are six steps up to Auntie’s room. Nurse Armstrong met me at the door and said, ‘He’s doing better now.’ I went in and saw General Fentiman sitting in a chair, looking really pale and gray. He was behind a screen where Auntie couldn’t see him, or it would have really shocked her. Nurse said, ‘I’ve given him his medicine, and I think a little brandy will help him feel better.’ So we gave him the brandy—just a small amount. After a bit, he started to look less pale and seemed to be breathing easier. I told him we were calling for the doctor, and he said he’d rather go to Harley Street. I thought that was risky, but Nurse Armstrong said he really seemed better, and it would be wrong to pressure him into something he didn’t want. So I told Nellie to alert the doctor and send William for a taxi. General Fentiman seemed stronger then, so we helped him downstairs, and he took off in the taxi."

Out of this spate of words, Parker fixed on the one thing he had not heard before.

Out of this flood of words, Parker focused on the one thing he hadn't heard before.

"What drops were those the Nurse gave him?"

"What drops did the Nurse give him?"

"His own. He had them in his pocket."

"His own. He had them in his pocket."

"Do you think she could possibly have given him too much? Was the quantity marked on the bottle?"

"Do you think she might have given him too much? Was the amount labeled on the bottle?"

"I haven't the remotest idea. You'd better ask her."

"I have no idea. You should ask her."

"Yes, I shall want to see her, if you will kindly tell me where to find her."

"Yes, I’d like to see her. Could you please let me know where I can find her?"

"I've got the address upstairs. Is that all you want?"

"I have the address upstairs. Is that everything you need?"

"I should just like, if I may, to see Lady Dormer's room and the studio."

"I’d really like to see Lady Dormer's room and the studio, if that's okay."

"What for?"

"What's the reason?"

"It's just a matter of routine. We are under orders to see everything there is to see," replied Parker, reassuringly.

"It's just part of the routine. We're instructed to check out everything there is to check out," Parker replied, confidently.

They went upstairs. A door on the first-floor landing immediately opposite the head of the staircase led into a pleasant, lofty room, with old-fashioned bedroom furniture in it.

They went upstairs. A door on the first-floor landing directly across from the top of the staircase opened into a nice, spacious room with vintage bedroom furniture in it.

"This is my aunt's room. She wasn't really my aunt, of course, but I called her so."

"This is my aunt's room. She wasn't actually my aunt, but that's what I called her."

"Quite. Where does that second door lead to?"

"Exactly. Where does that second door go?"

"That's the dressing-room. Nurse Armstrong slept there while Auntie was ill."

"That's the dressing room. Nurse Armstrong stayed there while Auntie was sick."

Parker glanced in to the dressing-room, took in the arrangement of the bedroom and expressed himself satisfied.

Parker looked into the dressing room, took in the layout of the bedroom, and expressed his satisfaction.

She walked past him without acknowledgment while he held the door open. She was a sturdily-built girl, but moved with a languor distressing to watch—slouching, almost aggressively unalluring.

She walked past him without acknowledging him while he held the door open. She was a strong-looking girl, but moved with a lazy heaviness that was uncomfortable to see—slouching, almost defiantly unattractive.

"You want to see the studio?"

"You want to check out the studio?"

"Please."

"Please."

She led the way down the six steps and along a short passage to the room which, as Parker already knew, was built out at the back over the kitchen premises. He mentally calculated the distance as he went.

She took the lead down the six steps and down a short hallway to the room that, as Parker already knew, was built out at the back over the kitchen area. He mentally measured the distance as he walked.

The studio was large and well-lit by its glass roof. One end was furnished like a sitting-room; the other was left bare, and devoted to what Nellie called "mess." A very ugly picture (in Parker's opinion) stood on an easel. Other canvases were stacked round the walls. In one corner was a table covered with American cloth, on which stood a gas-ring, protected by a tin plate, and a Bunsen burner.

The studio was big and bright thanks to its glass roof. One end was set up like a living room, while the other was empty and used for what Nellie called "mess." There was a very ugly painting (according to Parker) propped up on an easel. More canvases were piled around the walls. In one corner, there was a table covered with American cloth, with a gas ring on it, shielded by a tin plate, and a Bunsen burner.

"I'll look up that address," said Miss Dorland, indifferently, "I've got it here somewhere."

"I'll find that address," said Miss Dorland, casually, "I have it saved somewhere."

She began to rummage in an untidy desk. Parker strolled up to the business end of the room, and explored it with eyes, nose and fingers.

She started to search through a messy desk. Parker walked over to the main part of the room and checked it out with his eyes, nose, and fingers.

The ugly picture on the easel was newly-painted; the smell told him that, and the dabs of paint on the palette were still soft and sticky. Work had been done there within the last two days, he was sure. The brushes had been stuck at random into a small pot of turpentine. He lifted them out; they were still clogged with paint. The picture itself was a landscape, he thought, roughly drawn and hot and restless in color. Parker was no judge of art; he would have liked to get Wimsey's opinion. He explored further. The table with the Bunsen burner was bare, but in a cupboard close by he discovered a quantity of chemical apparatus of the kind he remembered using at school. Everything had been tidily washed and stacked away. Nellie's job, he imagined. There were a number of simple and familiar chemical substances in jars and packages, occupying a couple of shelves. They would probably have to be analyzed, he thought, to see if they were all they seemed. And what useless nonsense it all was, he thought to himself; anything suspicious would obviously have been destroyed weeks before. Still, there it was. A book in several volumes on the top shelf caught his attention: it was Quain's Dictionary of Medicine. He took down a volume in which he noticed a paper mark. Opening it at the marked place, his eye fell upon the words: "Rigor Mortis," and, a little later on—"action of certain poisons." He was about to read more, when he heard Miss Dorland's voice just behind him.

The ugly painting on the easel was freshly painted; the smell indicated that, and the paint dabs on the palette were still wet and sticky. He was sure work had been done there in the last two days. The brushes had been randomly stuck into a small pot of turpentine. He pulled them out; they were still gunky with paint. The painting itself was a landscape, he thought, roughly sketched and hot and restless in color. Parker wasn’t an art expert; he would have loved to get Wimsey's take on it. He looked around more. The table with the Bunsen burner was empty, but he found some chemical equipment in a nearby cupboard that reminded him of what he used in school. Everything had been neatly washed and put away. Nellie must have done it, he figured. There were several familiar chemical substances in jars and packages on a couple of shelves. They probably needed to be tested to see if they were what they claimed to be. And what pointless nonsense all of this was, he thought; anything suspicious would have been disposed of ages ago. Yet, there it was. A multi-volume book on the top shelf caught his eye: it was Quain's Dictionary of Medicine. He took down a volume and noticed a paper bookmark. Opening it to the marked page, his gaze landed on the words: "Rigor Mortis," and soon after—"action of certain poisons." He was about to read more when he heard Miss Dorland's voice right behind him.

"That's all nothing," she said, "I don't do any of that muck now. It was just a passing craze. I paint, really. What do you think of this?" She indicated the unpleasant landscape.

"That's nothing," she said, "I don't do any of that stuff now. It was just a phase. I paint, actually. What do you think of this?" She pointed to the unpleasant landscape.

Parker said it was very good.

Parker said it was really good.

"Are these your work, too?" he asked, indicating the other canvases.

"Are these your work as well?" he asked, pointing to the other canvases.

"Yes," she said.

"Yeah," she said.

He turned a few of them to the light, noticing at the same time how dusty they were. Nellie had scamped this bit of the work—or perhaps had been told not to touch. Miss Dorland showed a trifle more animation than she had done hitherto, while displaying her works. Landscape seemed to be rather a new departure; most of the canvases were figure-studies. Mr. Parker thought that on the whole, the artist had done wisely to turn to landscape. He was not well acquainted with the modern school of thought in painting, and had difficulty in expressing his opinion of these curious figures, with their faces like eggs and their limbs like rubber.

He held a few of them up to the light, noticing how dusty they were. Nellie had skipped this part of the work—or maybe she was told not to touch it. Miss Dorland showed a bit more energy than she had before while displaying her pieces. Landscape seemed to be a relatively new direction; most of the canvases were figure studies. Mr. Parker thought that overall, the artist had made a smart choice to focus on landscapes. He wasn’t very familiar with the modern art movement and struggled to articulate his thoughts about these strange figures, with faces like eggs and limbs like rubber.

"That is the Judgement of Paris," said Miss Dorland.

"That's the Judgment of Paris," said Miss Dorland.

"Oh, yes," said Parker. "And this?"

"Oh, yes," Parker said. "And this?"

"Oh, just a study of a woman dressing. It's not very good. I think this portrait of Mrs. Mitcham is rather decent, though."

"Oh, it's just a study of a woman getting dressed. It's not that great. I think this portrait of Mrs. Mitcham is pretty respectable, though."

Parker stared aghast; it might possibly be a symbolic representation of Mrs. Mitcham's character, for it was very hard and spiky; but it looked more like a Dutch doll, with its triangular nose, like a sharp-edged block of wood, and its eyes mere dots in an expanse of liver-colored cheek.

Parker stared in shock; it could be a symbolic representation of Mrs. Mitcham's character because it was very hard and spiky. But it looked more like a Dutch doll, with its triangular nose resembling a sharp-edged block of wood, and its eyes just dots on a broad expanse of brownish cheek.

"It's not very like her," he said, doubtfully.

"It's not really like her," he said, unsure.

"It's not meant to be."

"It's not meant to be."

"This seems better—I mean, I like this better," said Parker, turning the next picture up hurriedly.

"This seems better—I mean, I like this more," said Parker, quickly turning up the next picture.

"Oh, that's nothing—just a fancy head."

"Oh, that's nothing—just a fancy hat."

Evidently this picture—the head of a rather cadaverous man, with a sinister smile and a slight cast in the eye—was despised—a Philistine backsliding, almost like a human being. It was put away, and Parker tried to concentrate his attention on a "Madonna and Child" which, to Parker's simple evangelical mind, seemed an abominable blasphemy.

Evidently, this image—the face of a rather gaunt man, with a sinister smile and a slight eye squint—was looked down upon—a Philistine regression, almost like a human being. It was put aside, and Parker tried to focus on a "Madonna and Child" which, to Parker's straightforward evangelical mindset, seemed like a terrible blasphemy.

Happily, Miss Dorland soon wearied, even of her paintings, and flung them all back into the corner.

Happily, Miss Dorland soon got tired, even of her paintings, and tossed them all back into the corner.

"D'you want anything else?" she demanded abruptly. "Here's that address."

"Do you need anything else?" she asked suddenly. "Here’s that address."

Parker took it.

Parker accepted it.

"Just one more question," he said, looking her hard in the eyes. "Before Lady Dormer died—before General Fentiman came to see her—did you know what provision she had made for you and for him in her will?"

"Just one more question," he said, looking her straight in the eyes. "Before Lady Dormer died—before General Fentiman came to see her—did you know what arrangements she had made for you and for him in her will?"

The girl stared back at him, and he saw panic come into her eyes. It seemed to flow all over her like a wave. She clenched her hands at her sides, and her miserable eyes dropped beneath his gaze, shifting as though looking for a way out.

The girl looked up at him, and he noticed fear flooding her eyes. It washed over her like a wave. She tightened her hands at her sides, and her sad eyes dropped from his gaze, darting around as if searching for an escape.

"Well?" said Parker.

"What's up?" said Parker.

"No!" she said. "No! of course not. Why should I?" Then, surprisingly, a dull crimson flush flooded her sallow cheeks and ebbed away, leaving her looking like death.

"No!" she said. "No! Of course not. Why should I?" Then, surprisingly, a dull crimson flush spread across her pale cheeks and faded away, leaving her looking lifeless.

"Go away," she said, furiously, "you make me sick."

"Go away," she said, angrily, "you make me sick."


CHAPTER XVIII

Picture-cards

Image cards

"So I've put a man in and had all the things in that cupboard taken away for examination," said Parker.

"So, I've had a guy go in and remove everything from that cupboard for examination," Parker said.

Lord Peter shook his head.

Lord Peter shook his head.

"I wish I had been there," he said, "I should have liked to see those paintings. However——"

"I wish I had been there," he said, "I would have loved to see those paintings. However——"

"They might have conveyed something to you," said Parker, "you're artistic. You can come along and look at them any time, of course. But it's the time factor that's worrying me, you know. Supposing she gave the old boy digitalin in his B and S, why should it wait all that time before working? According to the books, it ought to have popped him off in about an hour's time. It was a biggish dose, according to Lubbock."

"They might have shared something with you," said Parker, "you’re creative. You can come and check them out anytime, of course. But it’s the timing that has me concerned, you know. If she gave the old guy digitalin in his B and S, why would it take so long to kick in? According to the books, it should have taken him out in about an hour. It was a pretty hefty dose, according to Lubbock."

"I know. I think you're up against a snag there. That's why I should have liked to see the pictures."

"I understand. I think you're facing a bit of a problem there. That's why I would have liked to see the pictures."

Parker considered this apparent non sequitur for a few moments and gave it up.

Parker thought about this obvious non sequitur for a bit and then let it go.

"George Fentiman—" he began.

"George Fentiman—" he started.

"Yes," said Wimsey, "George Fentiman. I must be getting emotional in my old age, Charles, for I have an unconquerable dislike to examining the question of George Fentiman's opportunities."

"Yeah," said Wimsey, "George Fentiman. I must be getting sentimental in my old age, Charles, because I really dislike looking into George Fentiman's chances."

"Bar Robert," pursued Parker, ruthlessly, "he was the last interested person to see General Fentiman."

"Bar Robert," Parker continued mercilessly, "he was the last person who cared to see General Fentiman."

"Yes—by the way, we have only Robert's unsupported word for what happened in that last interview between him and the old man."

"Yes—by the way, we only have Robert's unverified account of what happened in that last interview between him and the old man."

"Come, Wimsey—you're not going to pretend that Robert had any interest in his grandfather's dying before Lady Dormer. On the contrary."

"Come on, Wimsey—you’re not going to act like Robert cared about his grandfather dying in front of Lady Dormer. Quite the opposite."

"No—but he might have had some interest in his dying before he made a will. Those notes on that bit of paper. The larger share was to go to George. That doesn't entirely agree with what Robert said. And if there was no will, Robert stood to get everything."

"No—but he might have cared about dying before making a will. Those notes on that piece of paper. The bigger portion was meant for George. That doesn't quite match what Robert said. And if there was no will, Robert would get everything."

"So he did. But by killing the General then, he made sure of getting nothing at all."

"So he did. But by killing the General then, he guaranteed he’d get nothing at all."

"That's the awkwardness. Unless he thought Lady Dormer was already dead. But I don't see how he could have thought that. Or unless——"

"That's the awkwardness. Unless he thought Lady Dormer was already dead. But I don't see how he could have thought that. Or unless——"

"Well?"

"What's up?"

"Unless he gave his grandfather a pill or something to be taken at some future time, and the old boy took it too soon by mistake."

"Unless he gave his grandfather a pill or something to take later, and the old man took it too soon by mistake."

"That idea of a delayed-action pill is the most tiresome thing about this case. It makes almost anything possible."

"That idea of a delayed-action pill is the most exhausting part of this case. It makes nearly anything possible."

"Including, of course, the theory of its being given to him by Miss Dorland."

"Including, of course, the theory that Miss Dorland gave it to him."

"That's what I'm going to interview the nurse about, the minute I can get hold of her. But we've got away from George."

"That's what I'm going to ask the nurse about as soon as I can reach her. But we've lost track of George."

"You're right. Let's face George. I don't want to, though. Like the lady in Maeterlinck who's running round the table while her husband tries to polish her off with a hatchet, I am not gay. George is the nearest in point of time. In fact he fits very well in point of time. He parted from General Fentiman at about half-past six, and Robert found Fentiman dead at about eight o'clock. So allowing that the stuff was given in a pill——"

"You're right. Let's confront George. I really don't want to, though. Like the woman in Maeterlinck who's running around the table while her husband tries to take her out with a hatchet, I'm not happy about this. George is the closest in time. In fact, he fits perfectly in that timeline. He parted ways with General Fentiman at around 6:30, and Robert discovered Fentiman dead around 8:00. So, assuming the poison was given in a pill——"

"Which it would have to be in a taxi," interjected Parker.

"Which it would have to be in a taxi," Parker interjected.

"As you say—in a pill, which would take a bit longer to get working than the same stuff taken in solution—why then the General might quite well have been able to get to the Bellona and see Robert before collapsing."

"As you mentioned—in a pill, which would take a bit longer to kick in than the same substance taken in liquid form—then the General could have easily made it to the Bellona and seen Robert before collapsing."

"Very nice. But how did George get the drug?"

"Very nice. But how did George get the drug?"

"I know, that's the first difficulty."

"I know, that's the first challenge."

"And how did he happen to have it on him just at that time? He couldn't possibly have known that General Fentiman would run across him just at that moment. Even if he'd known of his being at Lady Dormer's, he couldn't be expecting him to go from there to Harley Street."

"And how did he happen to have it on him right then? He couldn't have possibly known that General Fentiman would run into him at that moment. Even if he'd known that Fentiman was at Lady Dormer's, he couldn't have expected him to go from there to Harley Street."

"He might have been carrying the stuff about with him, waiting for a good opportunity to use it. And when the old man called him up and started jawing him about his conduct and all that, he thought he'd better do the job quick, before he was cut out of the will."

"He might have been carrying that stuff around, waiting for a good chance to use it. And when the old man called him up and started talking to him about his behavior and all that, he thought he'd better get it done quickly, before he got cut out of the will."

"Um!—but why should George be such a fool, then, as to admit he'd never heard about Lady Dormer's will? If he had heard of it, we couldn't possibly suspect him. He'd only to say the General told him about it in the taxi."

"Um!—but why would George be such an idiot as to admit he’s never heard about Lady Dormer’s will? If he’d known about it, we couldn’t possibly suspect him. He’d just have to say the General mentioned it to him in the taxi."

"I suppose it hadn't struck him in that light."

"I guess it hadn't occurred to him that way."

"Then George is a bigger ass than I took him for."

"Then George is a bigger jerk than I thought he was."

"Possibly he is," said Parker, dryly. "At any rate, I have put a man on to make inquiries at his home."

"Maybe he is," Parker said dryly. "Anyway, I've had someone go to his house to ask questions."

"Oh! have you? I say, do you know, I wish I'd left this case alone. What the deuce did it matter if old Fentiman was pushed painlessly off a bit before his time? He was simply indecently ancient."

"Oh! have you? I mean, do you know, I really wish I'd left this case alone. What on earth does it matter if old Fentiman was pushed off a bit early? He was just ridiculously old."

"We'll see if you say that in sixty years' time," said Parker.

"We'll see if you still say that in sixty years," Parker said.

"By that time we shall, I hope, be moving in different circles. I shall be in the one devoted to murderers and you in the much lower and hotter one devoted for those who tempt others to murder them. I wash my hands of this case, Charles. There's nothing for me to do now you have come into it. It bores and annoys me. Let's talk about something else."

"By that time, I hope we'll be in different circles. I'll be in the one focused on murderers, and you'll be in the much lower and more dangerous one for those who lure others into killing them. I'm done with this case, Charles. There's nothing for me to do now that you're involved. It bores and frustrates me. Let's talk about something else."

Wimsey might wash his hands, but, like Pontius Pilate, he found society irrationally determined to connect him with an irritating and unsatisfactory case.

Wimsey might wash his hands, but, like Pontius Pilate, he found society stubbornly intent on linking him to an annoying and unresolved case.

At midnight, the telephone bell rang.

At midnight, the phone buzzed.

He had just gone to bed, and cursed it.

He had just gone to bed and was cursing it.

"Tell them I'm out," he shouted to Bunter, and cursed again on hearing the man assure the unknown caller that he would see whether his lordship had returned. Disobedience in Bunter spelt urgent necessity.

"Tell them I'm not here," he yelled to Bunter, and swore again when he heard the man tell the unknown caller that he would check if his lordship was back. Bunter's disobedience meant there was something urgent going on.

"Well?"

"What's up?"

"It is Mrs. George Fentiman, my lord; she appears to be in great distress. If your lordship wasn't in I was to beg you to communicate with her as soon as you arrived."

"It’s Mrs. George Fentiman, my lord; she seems to be really upset. If you weren’t in, I was going to ask you to get in touch with her as soon as you arrived."

"Punk! they're not on the 'phone."

"Punk! They're not on the phone."

"No, my lord."

"No, my lord."

"Did she say what the matter was?"

"Did she say what was wrong?"

"She began by asking if Mr. George Fentiman was here, my lord."

"She started by asking if Mr. George Fentiman was here, my lord."

"Oh, hades!"

"Oh, hell!"

Bunter advanced gently with his master's dressing-gown and slippers. Wimsey thrust himself into them savagely and padded away to the telephone.

Bunter quietly approached with his master's bathrobe and slippers. Wimsey forcefully put them on and padded over to the phone.

"Hullo!"

"Hello!"

"Is that Lord Peter?—Oh, good!" The line sighed with relief—a harsh sound, like a death-rattle. "Do you know where George is?"

"Is that Lord Peter?—Oh, thank goodness!" The line breathed out in relief—a rough sound, like a death-rattle. "Do you know where George is?"

"No idea. Hasn't he come home?"

"No idea. Hasn't he gotten back?"

"No—and I'm frightened. Some people were here this morning...."

"No—and I'm scared. Some people were here this morning...."

"The police."

"Law enforcement."

"Yes ... George ... they found something ... I can't say it all over the 'phone ... but George went off to Walmisley-Hubbard's with the car ... and they say he never came back there ... and ... you remember that time he was so funny before ... and got lost...."

"Yeah ... George ... they discovered something ... I can't say everything over the phone ... but George drove to Walmisley-Hubbard's ... and they say he never returned there ... and ... you remember that time he was so hilarious before ... and got lost...."

"Your six minutes are up," boomed the voice of the Exchange, "will you have another call?"

"Your six minutes are up," the voice of the Exchange thundered, "do you want to make another call?"

"Yes, please ... oh, don't cut us off ... wait ... oh! I haven't any more pennies ... Lord Peter...."

"Yes, please ... oh, don't hang up on us ... wait ... oh! I don't have any more change ... Lord Peter...."

"I'll come round at once," said Wimsey, with a groan.

"I'll come over right away," said Wimsey, with a groan.

"Oh, thank you—thank you so much!"

"Oh, thank you—thank you so much!"

"I say—where's Robert?"

"Hey—where's Robert?"

"Your six minutes are up," said the voice, finally, and the line went dead with a metallic crash.

"Your six minutes are up," said the voice, and then the line went dead with a metallic bang.

"Get me my clothes," said Wimsey, bitterly—"give me those loathsome and despicable rags which I hoped to have put off forever. Get me a taxi. Get me a drink. Macbeth has murdered sleep. Oh! and get me Robert Fentiman, first."

"Get me my clothes," Wimsey said bitterly. "Give me those disgusting rags I hoped to be rid of forever. Get me a taxi. Get me a drink. Macbeth has killed sleep. Oh! And get me Robert Fentiman first."

Major Fentiman was not in town, said Woodward. He had gone back to Richmond again. Wimsey tried to get through to Richmond. After a long time, a female voice, choked with sleep and fury, replied. Major Fentiman had not come home. Major Fentiman kept very late hours. Would she give Major Fentiman a message when he did come in? Indeed she would not. She had other things to do than to stay up all night answering the telephone calls and giving messages to Major Fentiman. This was the second time that night, and she had told the other party that she could not be responsible for telling Major Fentiman this, that and the other. Would she leave a note for Major Fentiman, asking him to go round to his brother's house at once? Well now, was it reasonable to expect her to sit up on a bitter cold night writing letters? Of course not, but this was a case of urgent illness. It would be a very great kindness. Just that—to go round to his brother's house and say the call came from Lord Peter Wimsey.

Major Fentiman wasn't in town, Woodward said. He had gone back to Richmond again. Wimsey tried to get in touch with Richmond. After a long wait, a woman’s voice, thick with sleep and annoyance, answered. Major Fentiman hadn’t come home. He kept very late hours. Would she pass a message to Major Fentiman when he got in? Absolutely not. She had better things to do than stay up all night answering phone calls and delivering messages for Major Fentiman. This was the second time that night, and she told the other caller that she couldn’t be responsible for passing on this or that message. Could she leave a note for Major Fentiman, asking him to go to his brother's house right away? Well, was it reasonable to expect her to sit up on a freezing cold night writing notes? Of course not, but this was a matter of urgent illness. It would be a huge kindness—just to go to his brother's house and say the call was from Lord Peter Wimsey.

"Who?"

"Who?"

"Lord Peter Wimsey."

"Peter Wimsey."

"Very well, sir. I beg your pardon if I was a bit short, but really——"

"Alright, sir. I apologize if I came off a bit abrupt, but honestly—"

"You weren't, you snobby old cat, you were infernally long," breathed his lordship inaudibly. He thanked her, and rang off.

"You weren’t, you snobby old cat, you were unbelievably long," his lordship murmured silently. He thanked her and hung up.

Sheila Fentiman was anxiously waiting for him on the doorstep, so that he was saved the embarrassment of trying to remember which was the right number of rings to give. She clasped his hand eagerly as she drew him in.

Sheila Fentiman was nervously waiting for him on the doorstep, so he wouldn’t have to feel awkward trying to remember how many rings to give. She held his hand excitedly as she pulled him inside.

"Oh! it is good of you. I'm so worried. I say, don't make a noise, will you? They complain, you know." She spoke in a harassed whisper.

"Oh! that's so nice of you. I'm really worried. Please, keep it down, okay? They complain, you know." She spoke in a stressed whisper.

"Blast them, let them complain," said Wimsey, cheerfully. "Why shouldn't you make a row when George is upset? Besides, if we whisper, they'll think we're no better than we ought to be. Now, my child, what's all this? You're as cold as a pêche Melba. That won't do. Fire half out—where's the whisky?"

"Blast them, let them complain," said Wimsey, cheerfully. "Why shouldn't you make a fuss when George is upset? Besides, if we whisper, they'll think we're not as good as we should be. Now, my child, what's going on? You're as cold as a pêche Melba. That won't do. Fire half out—where's the whisky?"

"Hush! I'm all right, really. George——"

"Hush! I'm okay, really. George——"

"You're not all right. Nor am I. As George Robey says, this getting up from my warm bed and going into the cold night air doesn't suit me." He flung a generous shovelful of coals on the fire and thrust the poker between the bars. "And you've had no grub. No wonder you're feeling awful."

"You're not okay. Neither am I. As George Robey puts it, getting out of my warm bed and stepping into the cold night air just doesn't work for me." He tossed a big shovel of coals onto the fire and pushed the poker between the bars. "And you haven't eaten anything. No surprise you're feeling terrible."

Two places were set at the table—untouched—waiting for George. Wimsey plunged into the kitchen premises, followed by Sheila uttering agitated remonstrances. He found some disagreeable remnants—a watery stew, cold and sodden; a basin half-full of some kind of tinned soup; a chill suet pudding put away on a shelf.

Two places were set at the table—untouched—waiting for George. Wimsey rushed into the kitchen, followed by Sheila, who was nervously protesting. He discovered some unappetizing leftovers—a watery stew, cold and damp; a bowl half-full of some kind of canned soup; a cold suet pudding left on a shelf.

"Does your woman cook for you? I suppose she does, as you're both out all day. Well, she can't cook, my child. No matter, here's some Bovril—she can't have hurt that. You go and sit down and I'll make you some."

"Does your wife cook for you? I guess she does since you’re both out all day. Well, she can’t cook, my dear. No worries, here’s some Bovril—she can’t have messed that up. You sit down, and I’ll fix you something."

"Mrs. Munns——"

"Mrs. Munns—"

"Blow Mrs. Munns!"

"Blow Mrs. Munns!"

"But I must tell you about George."

"But I have to tell you about George."

He looked at her, and decided that she really must tell him about George.

He looked at her and realized that she really needed to tell him about George.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bully. One has an ancestral idea that women must be treated like imbeciles in a crisis. Centuries of the 'women-and-children-first' idea, I suppose. Poor devils!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be nasty. There's this old belief that women should be treated like helpless idiots in a crisis. I guess it's centuries of the 'women-and-children-first' idea. What a pity!"

"Who, the women?"

"Who are the women?"

"Yes. No wonder they sometimes lose their heads. Pushed into corners, told nothing of what's happening and made to sit quiet and do nothing. Strong men would go dotty in the circs. I suppose that's why we've always grabbed the privilege of rushing about and doing the heroic bits."

"Yeah. It’s no surprise they sometimes lose it. Being cornered, kept in the dark about what’s going on, and being forced to sit still and do nothing. Strong men would go crazy in that situation. I guess that’s why we’ve always taken the chance to run around and do the heroic stuff."

"That's quite true. Give me the kettle."

"That's totally true. Hand me the kettle."

"No, no. I'll do that. You sit down and—I mean, sorry, take the kettle. Fill it, light the gas, put it on. And tell me about George."

"No, no. I'll handle that. You sit down and—I mean, sorry, grab the kettle. Fill it up, turn on the gas, and put it on the stove. And tell me about George."

The trouble, it seemed, had begun at breakfast. Ever since the story of the murder had come out, George had been very nervy and jumpy, and, to Sheila's horror, had "started muttering again." "Muttering," Wimsey remembered, had formerly been the prelude to one of George's "queer fits." These had been a form of shell-shock, and they had generally ended in his going off and wandering about in a distraught manner for several days, sometimes with partial and occasionally with complete temporary loss of memory. There was the time when he had been found dancing naked in a field among a flock of sheep and singing to them. It had been the more ludicrously painful in that George was altogether tone-deaf, so that his singing, though loud, was like a hoarse and rumbling wind in the chimney. Then there was a dreadful time when George had deliberately walked into a bonfire. That was when they had been staying down in the country. George had been badly burnt, and the shock of the pain had brought him round. He never remembered afterwards why he had tried to do these things, and had only the faintest recollection of having done them at all. The next vagary might be even more disconcerting.

The trouble seemed to have started at breakfast. Ever since the murder story broke, George had been really anxious and jumpy, and, to Sheila's horror, had "started muttering again." "Muttering," Wimsey recalled, had previously been a sign of one of George's "strange fits." These had been a form of shell shock, and they usually ended with him wandering around in a confused state for several days, sometimes with partial and occasionally complete temporary memory loss. There was that time he was found dancing naked in a field with a flock of sheep, singing to them. It was especially painfully absurd since George was completely tone-deaf, so his singing, though loud, sounded like a hoarse, rumbling wind in a chimney. Then there was the awful time George had walked straight into a bonfire. That was when they were staying in the countryside. George got badly burned, and the shock of the pain brought him back to reality. He never remembered why he had done those things and had only the faintest idea that he did them at all. The next strange episode could be even more unsettling.

At any rate, George had been "muttering."

At any rate, George had been "muttering."

They were at breakfast that morning, when they saw two men coming up the path. Sheila, who sat opposite the window, saw them first, and said carelessly: "Hullo! who are these? They look like plainclothes policemen." George took one look, jumped up and rushed out of the room. She called to him to know what was the matter, but he did not answer, and she heard him "rummaging" in the back room, which was the bedroom. She was going to him, when she heard Mr. Munns open the door to the policemen and then heard them inquiring for George. Mr. Munns ushered them into the front room with a grim face on which "police" seemed written in capital letters. George——

They were having breakfast that morning when they noticed two men coming up the path. Sheila, who was sitting across from the window, spotted them first and said casually, "Hey! Who are those guys? They look like undercover cops." George took one look, jumped up, and dashed out of the room. She called after him to find out what was going on, but he didn’t reply, and she heard him rummaging around in the back room, which was the bedroom. She was about to go to him when she heard Mr. Munns open the door for the policemen and then heard them asking for George. Mr. Munns ushered them into the front room with a stern expression that screamed "police." George—

At this point the kettle boiled. Sheila was taking it off the stove to make the Bovril, when Wimsey became aware of a hand on his coat-collar. He looked round into the face of a gentleman who appeared not to have shaved for several days.

At that moment, the kettle began to boil. Sheila was lifting it off the stove to prepare the Bovril when Wimsey noticed a hand on his coat collar. He turned to see the face of a man who looked like he hadn't shaved in several days.

"Now then," said this apparition, "what's the meaning of this?"

"Well then," said this ghost, "what's going on here?"

"Which," added an indignant voice from the door, "I thought as there was something behind all this talk of the Captain being missing. You didn't expect him to be missing, I suppose, ma'am. Oh, dear no! Nor your gentleman friend, neither, sneaking up in a taxi and you waiting at the door so's Munns and me shouldn't hear. But I'd have you know this is a respectable house, Lord Knows Who or whatever you call yourself—more likely one of these low-down confidence fellers, I expect, if the truth was known. With a monocle too, like that man we was reading about in the News of the World. And in my kitchen too, and drinking my Bovril in the middle of the night, the impudence! Not to speak of the goings-in-and-out all day, banging the front door, and that was the police come here this morning, you think I didn't know? Up to something, that's what they've been, the pair of them, and the captain as he says he is but that's as may be, I daresay he had his reasons for clearing off, and the sooner you goes after him my fine madam, the better I'll be pleased, I can tell you."

"Which," added an angry voice from the door, "I thought there was something behind all this talk about the Captain being missing. You didn’t think he’d actually be missing, did you, ma'am? Oh, definitely not! And your gentleman friend sneaking in a taxi while you waited at the door so Munns and I wouldn’t hear? But I want you to know this is a respectable house, whatever you call yourself—more likely one of these low-life con artists, I imagine, if the truth came out. With a monocle too, like that man we read about in the News of the World. And in my kitchen, drinking my Bovril in the middle of the night, the nerve! Not to mention all the coming and going all day, banging the front door, and that was the police here this morning, you think I didn’t notice? Up to something, that’s what they’ve been, the two of them, and the captain, as he claims to be, but who knows, I suppose he had his reasons for disappearing, and the sooner you go after him, my fine lady, the happier I’ll be, I can tell you."

"That's right," said Mr. Munns—"ow!"

"That’s right," said Mr. Munns—"ouch!"

Lord Peter had removed the intrusive hand from his collar with a sharp jerk which appeared to cause anguish out of all proportion to the force used.

Lord Peter had yanked the annoying hand away from his collar with a quick motion that seemed to cause way more pain than the force he applied.

"I'm glad you've come along," he said. "In fact, I was just going to give you a call. Have you anything to drink in the house, by the way?"

"I'm glad you showed up," he said. "Actually, I was just about to call you. Do you have anything to drink at home, by the way?"

"Drink?" cried Mrs. Munns on a high note, "the impudence! And if I see you, Joe, giving drinks to thieves and worse in the middle of the night in my kitchen, you'll get a piece of my mind. Coming in here as bold as brass and the captain run away, and asking for drink——"

"Drink?" shouted Mrs. Munns with a sharp tone, "How rude! And if I catch you, Joe, serving drinks to thieves and worse in the middle of the night in my kitchen, you’ll hear what I really think. Coming in here so brazenly while the captain’s away and asking for drinks——"

"Because," said Wimsey, fingering his note-case, "the public houses in this law-abiding neighborhood are of course closed. Otherwise a bottle of Scotch——"

"Because," said Wimsey, playing with his wallet, "the pubs in this law-abiding neighborhood are obviously closed. Otherwise, a bottle of Scotch——"

Mr. Munns appeared to hesitate.

Mr. Munns seemed to hesitate.

"Call yourself a man!" said Mrs. Munns.

"Call yourself a man!" Mrs. Munns said.

"Of course," said Mr. Munns, "if I was to go in a friendly manner to Jimmy Rowe at the Dragon, and ask him to give me a bottle of Johnny Walker as a friend to a friend, and provided no money was to pass between him and me, that is——"

"Sure," Mr. Munns said, "if I were to go over to Jimmy Rowe at the Dragon in a friendly way and ask him to give me a bottle of Johnny Walker as a favor between friends, and if no money was exchanged between us, that is——"

"A good idea," said Wimsey, cordially.

"A great idea," said Wimsey, warmly.

Mrs. Munns gave a loud shriek.

Mrs. Munns let out a loud shriek.

"The ladies," said Mr. Munns, "gets nervous at times." He shrugged his shoulders.

"The ladies," Mr. Munns said, "get nervous sometimes." He shrugged.

"I daresay a drop of Scotch wouldn't do Mrs. Munns's nerves any harm," said Wimsey.

"I bet a bit of Scotch wouldn't hurt Mrs. Munns's nerves," said Wimsey.

"If you dare, Joe Munns," said the landlady, "if you dare to go out at this time of night, hob-nobbing with Jimmy Rowe and making a fool of yourself with burglars and such——"

"If you’re brave enough, Joe Munns," said the landlady, "if you’re brave enough to go out at this time of night, hanging out with Jimmy Rowe and making a fool of yourself with burglars and stuff——"

Mr. Munns executed a sudden volte-face.

Mr. Munns made a sudden turnabout.

"You shut up!" he shouted. "Always sticking your face in where you aren't wanted."

"You shut up!" he yelled. "Always butting in where you're not wanted."

"Are you speaking to me?"

"Are you talking to me?"

"Yes. Shut up!"

"Yeah. Be quiet!"

Mrs. Munns sat down suddenly on a kitchen chair and began to sniff.

Mrs. Munns suddenly sat down on a kitchen chair and started to sniff.

"I'll just hop round to the Dragon now, sir," said Mr. Munns, "before old Jimmy goes to bed. And then we'll go into this here."

"I'll just swing by the Dragon now, sir," said Mr. Munns, "before old Jimmy turns in. Then we can discuss this."

He departed. Possibly he forgot what he had said about no money passing, for he certainly took the note which Wimsey absent-mindedly held out to him.

He left. Maybe he forgot what he said about no money changing hands, because he definitely took the bill that Wimsey was absent-mindedly offering him.

"Your drink's getting cold," said Wimsey to Sheila.

"Your drink is getting cold," Wimsey said to Sheila.

She came across to him.

She approached him.

"Can't we get rid of these people?"

"Can’t we get rid of these people?"

"In half a jiff. It's not good having a row with them. I'd do it like a shot, only, you see, you've got to stay on here for a bit, in case George comes back."

"In no time at all. It's not smart to fight with them. I'd do it right away, but you see, you have to stick around here for a while, just in case George comes back."

"Of course. I'm sorry for all this upset, Mrs. Munns," she added, a little stiffly, "but I'm so worried about my husband."

"Of course. I'm really sorry for all this trouble, Mrs. Munns," she said, a bit awkwardly, "but I'm really worried about my husband."

"Husband?" snorted Mrs. Munns. "A lot husbands are to worry about. Look at that Joe. Off he goes to the Dragon, never mind what I say to him. They're dirt, that's what husbands are, the whole pack of them. And I don't care what anybody says."

"Husband?" scoffed Mrs. Munns. "Husbands are nothing to worry about. Look at Joe. He just heads out to the Dragon, ignoring everything I say. They're trash, that's what husbands are, every single one of them. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks."

"Are they?" said Wimsey. "Well, I'm not one—yet—so you needn't mind what you say to me."

"Are they?" Wimsey asked. "Well, I'm not one—yet—so you don't have to worry about what you say to me."

"It's the same thing," said the lady, viciously, "husbands and parricides, there's not a half-penny to choose between them. Only parricides aren't respectable—but then, they're easier got rid of."

"It's the same thing," the woman said sharply, "husbands and parricides, there's no difference between them at all. The only thing is, parricides aren't seen as respectable—but they're easier to get rid of."

"Oh!" replied Wimsey, "but I'm not a parricide either—not Mrs. Fentiman's parricide at any rate, I assure you. Hullo! here's Joe. Did you get the doings, old man? You did? Good work. Now, Mrs. Munns, have just a spot with us. You'll feel all the better for it. And why shouldn't we go into the sitting-room where it's warmer?"

"Oh!" replied Wimsey, "but I'm not a killer of my father either—not Mrs. Fentiman's killer, at least, I promise you. Hey! here comes Joe. Did you get the info, old man? You did? Great job. Now, Mrs. Munns, have a drink with us. You'll feel a lot better for it. And why shouldn't we go into the living room where it's warmer?"

Mrs. Munns complied. "Oh, well," she said, "here's friends all round. But you'll allow it all looked a bit queer, now, didn't it? And the police this morning, asking all those questions, and emptying the dust-bin all over the back-yard."

Mrs. Munns agreed. "Oh, well," she said, "we have friends everywhere. But you have to admit it all seemed a bit odd, didn't it? And the police this morning, asking all those questions and emptying the garbage can all over the backyard."

"Whatever did they want with the dust-bin?"

"Whatever did they want with the trash can?"

"Lord knows; and that Cummins woman looking on all the time over the wall. I can tell you, I was vexed. 'Why, Mrs. Munns,' she said, 'have you been poisoning people?' she said. 'I always told you,' she said 'your cooking 'ud do for somebody one of these days.' The nasty cat."

"God knows; and that Cummins woman always watching from over the wall. I can tell you, I was irritated. 'Why, Mrs. Munns,' she said, 'have you been poisoning people?' she said. 'I always told you,' she said, 'your cooking would get someone in trouble one of these days.' The nasty woman."

"What a rotten thing to say," said Wimsey, sympathetically. "Just jealousy, I expect. But what did the police find in the dust-bin?"

"What a terrible thing to say," said Wimsey, sympathetically. "Just jealousy, I guess. But what did the police find in the trash can?"

"Find? Them find anything? I should like to see them finding things in my dust-bin. The less I see of their interfering ways the better I'm pleased. I told them so. I said, 'If you want to come upsetting my dust-bin,' I said, 'you'll have to come with a search-warrant,' I said. That's the law and they couldn't deny it. They said Mrs. Fentiman had given them leave to look, so I told them Mrs. Fentiman had no leave to give them. It was my dust-bin, I told them, not hers. So they went off with a flea in their ear."

"Find? Did they find anything? I’d like to see them finding things in my trash can. The less I see of their meddling ways, the happier I am. I told them so. I said, ‘If you want to go messing around in my trash can,’ I said, ‘you’d better come with a search warrant,’ I said. That’s the law, and they couldn’t argue with it. They claimed Mrs. Fentiman had given them permission to look, so I told them Mrs. Fentiman had no right to give them that permission. It was my trash can, not hers. So they left frustrated."

"That's the stuff to give 'em, Mrs. Munns."

"That's what to give them, Mrs. Munns."

"Not but what I'm respectable. If the police come to me in a right and lawful manner, I'll gladly give them any help they want. I don't want to get into trouble, not for any number of captains. But interference with a free-born woman and no search-warrant I will not stand. And they can either come to me in a fitting way or they can go and whistle for their bottle."

"Of course I'm respectable. If the police approach me in a proper and legal way, I'll happily assist them with whatever they need. I don't want to get into trouble, no matter how many officers there are. But I will not tolerate interference with a free woman without a search warrant. They can either approach me appropriately or they can go figure it out on their own."

"What bottle?" asked Wimsey, quickly.

"What bottle?" Wimsey asked, quickly.

"The bottle they were looking for in my dust-bin, what the captain put there after breakfast."

"The bottle they were searching for in my trash can, that the captain placed there after breakfast."

Sheila gave a faint cry.

Sheila let out a weak cry.

"What bottle was that, Mrs. Munns?"

"What bottle was that, Mrs. Munns?"

"One of them little tablet bottles," said Mrs. Munns, "same as you have standing on the wash-hand stand, Mrs. Fentiman. When I saw the Captain smashing it up in the yard with a poker——"

"One of those little pill bottles," said Mrs. Munns, "just like the one you have on the sink, Mrs. Fentiman. When I saw the Captain smashing it up in the yard with a poker——"

"There now, Primrose," said Mr. Munns, "can't you see as Mrs. Fentiman ain't well?"

"There now, Primrose," said Mr. Munns, "can't you see that Mrs. Fentiman isn't feeling well?"

"I'm quite all right," said Sheila, hastily, pushing away the hair which clung damply to her forehead. "What was my husband doing?"

"I'm totally fine," Sheila said quickly, pushing the damp hair off her forehead. "What was my husband doing?"

"I saw him," said Mrs. Munns, "run out into the back-yard—just after your breakfast it was, because I recollect Munns was letting the officers into the house at the time. Not that I knew then who it was, for, if you will excuse me mentioning of it, I was in the outside lavatory, and that was how I come to see the Captain. Which ordinarily, you can't see the dust-bin from the house, my lord I should say, I suppose, if you really are one, but you meet so many bad characters nowadays that one can't be too careful—on account of the lavatory standing out as you may say and hiding it."

"I saw him," Mrs. Munns said, "run out into the backyard—right after your breakfast, because I remember Munns was letting the officers into the house at that time. Not that I knew who it was back then, since, if you don't mind me saying, I was in the outside bathroom, and that's how I ended up seeing the Captain. Normally, you can't see the garbage bin from the house, my lord, if that's what you really are, but with so many shady characters around these days, you can't be too careful—since the bathroom is kind of exposed, if you know what I mean."

"Just so," said Wimsey.

"Exactly," said Wimsey.

"So when I saw the captain breaking the bottle as I said, and throwing the bits into the dust-bin, 'Hullo!' I said, 'that's funny,' and I went to see what it was and I put it in an envelope, thinking, you see, as it might be something poisonous, and the cat such a dreadful thief as he is, I never can keep him out of that dust-bin. And when I came in, I found the police here. So after a bit, I found them poking about in the yard and I asked them what they were doing there. Such a mess as they'd made, you never would believe. So they showed me a little cap they'd found, same as it might be off that tablet-bottle. Did I know where the rest of it was?' they said. And I said, what business had they got with the dust-bin at all. So they said——"

"So when I saw the captain breaking the bottle, like I mentioned, and throwing the pieces into the trash can, I thought, 'Wow, that’s strange,' so I went to check it out. I put it in an envelope, thinking it might be something dangerous, and since the cat is such a terrible thief, I can never keep him away from that trash can. When I came inside, I found the police here. After a while, I saw them searching around the yard, and I asked what they were doing. You wouldn’t believe the mess they had made. They showed me a little cap they’d found, which looked like it could have come from that bottle. They asked me if I knew where the rest of it was. I responded, 'What do they care about the trash can, anyway?' Then they said—”

"Yes, I know," said Wimsey. "I think you acted very sensibly, Mrs. Munns. And what did you do with the envelope and things?"

"Yeah, I get it," said Wimsey. "I think you handled that really well, Mrs. Munns. So, what did you do with the envelope and everything?"

"I kept it," replied Mrs. Munns, nodding her head, "I kept it. Because, you see, if they did return with a warrant and I'd destroyed that bottle, where should I be?"

"I kept it," replied Mrs. Munns, nodding her head, "I kept it. Because, you see, if they did come back with a warrant and I'd destroyed that bottle, where would I be?"

"Quite right," said Wimsey, with his eye on Sheila.

"Exactly," said Wimsey, watching Sheila.

"Always keep on the right side of the law," agreed Mr. Munns, "and nobody can't interfere with you. That's what I say. I'm a Conservative, I am. I don't hold with these Socialist games. Have another."

"Always stay on the right side of the law," Mr. Munns agreed, "and no one can interfere with you. That's my opinion. I'm a Conservative, I am. I don’t support these Socialist games. Have another."

"Not just now," said Wimsey. "And we really must not keep you and Mrs. Munns up any longer. But, look here! You see, Captain Fentiman had shell-shock after the War, and he is liable to do these little odd things at times—break things up, I mean, and lose his memory and go wandering about. So Mrs. Fentiman is naturally anxious about his not having turned up this evening."

"Not right now," said Wimsey. "And we really shouldn't keep you and Mrs. Munns up any later. But listen! You see, Captain Fentiman had shell shock after the War, and he tends to do these little odd things sometimes—like breaking things and losing his memory and wandering off. So Mrs. Fentiman is understandably worried since he hasn't shown up this evening."

"Ay," said Mr. Munns, with relish. "I knew a fellow like that. Went clean off his rocker he did one night. Smashed up his family with a beetle—a pavior he was by profession, and that's how he came to have a beetle in the house—pounded 'em to a jelly, he did, his wife and five little children, and went off and drownded himself in the Regent's Canal. And, what's more, when they got him out, he didn't remember a word about it, not one word. So they sent him to—what's that place? Dartmoor? no, Broadmoor, that's it, where Ronnie True went to with his little toys and all."

"Yeah," said Mr. Munns, enjoying the moment. "I knew a guy like that. He completely lost it one night. He wrecked his family with a hammer—he was a roadworker by trade, which is how he had a hammer at home—beat them to pieces, his wife and five little kids, and then he went and drowned himself in the Regent's Canal. And, get this, when they pulled him out, he didn’t remember a thing about it, not a single word. So they sent him to—what's that place? Dartmoor? No, Broadmoor, that's it, where Ronnie True ended up with his little toys and everything."

"Shut up, you fool," said Wimsey, savagely.

"Shut up, you idiot," said Wimsey, angrily.

"Haven't you got feelings?" demanded his wife.

"Haven't you got any feelings?" his wife asked.

Sheila got up, and made a blind effort in the direction of the door.

Sheila stood up and made a half-hearted attempt to head toward the door.

"Come and lie down," said Wimsey, "you're worn out. Hullo! there's Robert, I expect. I left a message for him to come round as soon as he got home."

"Come and lie down," Wimsey said, "you’re exhausted. Hey! I think that’s Robert. I told him to come over as soon as he got home."

Mr. Munns went to answer the bell.

Mr. Munns went to answer the doorbell.

"We'd better get her to bed as quick as possible," said Wimsey to the landlady. "Have you got such a thing as a hot-water bottle?"

"We should get her to bed as soon as we can," Wimsey said to the landlady. "Do you have a hot-water bottle?"

Mrs. Munns departed to fetch one, and Sheila caught Wimsey's hand.

Mrs. Munns left to get one, and Sheila grabbed Wimsey's hand.

"Can't you get hold of that bottle? Make her give it to you. You can. You can do anything. Make her."

"Can't you grab that bottle? Get her to give it to you. You totally can. You can do anything. Just make her."

"Better not," said Wimsey. "Look suspicious. Look here, Sheila, what is the bottle?"

"Better not," said Wimsey. "It looks suspicious. Look, Sheila, what is that bottle?"

"My heart medicine. I missed it. It's something to do with digitalin."

"My heart medication. I missed it. It's related to digitalin."

"Oh, lord," said Wimsey, as Robert came in.

"Oh, man," said Wimsey, as Robert walked in.

"It's all pretty damnable," said Robert.

"It's all pretty terrible," said Robert.

He thumped the fire gloomily; it was burning badly, the lower bars were choked with the ashes of a day and night.

He hit the fire with frustration; it was burning poorly, the lower bars were clogged with the ashes of the past day and night.

"I've been having a talk with Frobisher," he added. "All this talk in the Club—and the papers—naturally he couldn't overlook it."

"I've been talking to Frobisher," he said. "With all this chatter in the Club—and the papers—he obviously couldn't ignore it."

"Was he decent?"

"Was he alright?"

"Very decent. But of course I couldn't explain the thing. I'm sending in my papers."

"Pretty decent. But of course, I couldn't explain it. I'm submitting my papers."

Wimsey nodded. Colonel Frobisher could scarcely overlook an attempted fraud—not after things had been said in the papers.

Wimsey nodded. Colonel Frobisher could hardly ignore an attempted fraud—not after what had been said in the papers.

"If I'd only let the old man alone. Too late now. He'd have been buried. Nobody would have asked questions."

"If only I had left the old man alone. It's too late now. He would have been buried. No one would have asked questions."

"I didn't want to interfere," said Wimsey, defending himself against the unspoken reproach.

"I didn't want to interfere," Wimsey said, defending himself against the unspoken accusation.

"Oh, I know. I'm not blaming you. People ... money oughtn't to depend on people's deaths ... old people, with no use for their lives ... it's a devil of a temptation. Look here, Wimsey, what are we to do about this woman?"

"Oh, I get it. I'm not blaming you. People... money shouldn't depend on people's deaths... old people, who have no use for their lives... it's a hell of a temptation. Look, Wimsey, what are we supposed to do about this woman?"

"The Munns female?"

"The Munns woman?"

"Yes. It's the devil and all she should have got hold of the stuff. If they find out what it's supposed to be, we shall be blackmailed for the rest of our lives."

"Yeah. It's a disaster, and she should have taken care of the situation. If they discover what it really is, we’ll be blackmailed for the rest of our lives."

"No," said Wimsey, "I'm sorry, old man, but the police have got to know about it."

"No," Wimsey said, "I'm sorry, buddy, but the police need to know about it."

Robert sprang to his feet.

Robert jumped to his feet.

"My God!—you wouldn't——"

"Oh my God!—you wouldn’t——"

"Sit down, Fentiman. Yes, I must. Don't you see I must? We can't suppress things. It always means trouble. It's not even as though they hadn't got their eyes on us already. They're suspicious——"

"Sit down, Fentiman. Yes, I have to. Don't you see that I have to? We can't keep things hidden. It always leads to trouble. It's not like they aren't already watching us. They're suspicious——"

"Yes, and why?" burst out Robert, violently. "Who put it into their heads?... For God's sake don't start talking about law and justice! Law and justice! You'd sell your best friend for the sake of making a sensational appearance in the witness-box, you infernal little police spy!"

"Yes, and why?" Robert shouted angrily. "Who got that idea in their heads?... For heaven's sake, don't start on law and justice! Law and justice! You’d betray your best friend just to make a big impression in the witness stand, you miserable little police spy!"

"Chuck that, Fentiman!"

"Forget that, Fentiman!"

"I'll not chuck it! You'd go and give away a man to the police—when you know perfectly well he isn't responsible—just because you can't afford to be mixed up in anything unpleasant. I know you. Nothing's too dirty for you to meddle in, provided you can pose as the pious little friend of justice. You make me sick!"

"I won't throw it away! You'd go and turn a guy over to the cops—when you know he’s not the one to blame—just because you don't want to deal with anything uncomfortable. I know you. There's nothing too shady for you to get involved in as long as you can act like the righteous little friend of justice. You make me sick!"

"I tried to keep out of this——"

"I tried to stay out of this——"

"You tried!—don't be a blasted hypocrite! You get out of it now, and stay out—do you hear?"

"You tried!—don't be a total hypocrite! Get out of it now, and stay out—got it?"

"Yes, but listen a moment——"

"Yes, but wait a second——"

"Get out!" said Robert.

"Get out!" Robert exclaimed.

Wimsey stood up.

Wimsey got up.

"I know how you feel, Fentiman——"

"I know what you're going through, Fentiman——"

"Don't stand there being righteous and forebearing, you sickening prig. For the last time—are you going to shut up, or are you going to trot round to your policeman friend and earn the thanks of a grateful country for splitting on George? Get on! Which is it to be?"

"Stop acting all high and mighty, you annoying do-gooder. For the last time—are you going to be quiet, or are you going to go talk to your cop friend and get praised by a thankful nation for snitching on George? Come on! What's it going to be?"

"You won't do George any good——"

"You won't help George at all——"

"Never mind that. Are you going to hold your tongue?"

"Forget that. Are you going to keep quiet?"

"Be reasonable, Fentiman."

"Be reasonable, Fentiman."

"Reasonable be damned. Are you going to the police? No shuffling. Yes or no?"

"Forget reason. Are you going to the police? No beating around the bush. Yes or no?"

"Yes."

"Yep."

"You dirty little squirt," said Robert, striking out passionately. Wimsey's return blow caught him neatly on the chin and landed him in the wastepaper basket.

"You filthy little brat," Robert said, swinging out with intensity. Wimsey's counterpunch hit him perfectly on the chin and knocked him into the wastepaper basket.

"And now, look here," said Wimsey, standing over him, hat and stick in hand. "It's no odds to me what you do or say. You think your brother murdered your grandfather. I don't know whether he did or not. But the worst thing you can do for him is to try and destroy evidence. And the worst thing you can possibly do for his wife is to make her a party to anything of the sort. And next time you try to smash anybody's face in, remember to cover up your chin. That's all. I can let myself out. Good-bye."

"And now, listen up," said Wimsey, standing over him, hat and cane in hand. "I don't care what you do or say. You believe your brother killed your grandfather. I have no idea if he did or not. But the worst thing you can do for him is try to hide evidence. And the worst thing you can do for his wife is involve her in any of that. And next time you try to hit someone, make sure to protect your chin. That's all. I can let myself out. Bye."


He went round to 12 Great Ormond Street and rousted Parker out of bed.

He went over to 12 Great Ormond Street and woke Parker up.

Parker listened thoughtfully to what he had to say.

Parker listened carefully to what he had to say.

"I wish we'd stopped Fentiman before he bolted," he said.

"I wish we had stopped Fentiman before he took off," he said.

"Yes; why didn't you?"

"Yeah; why didn’t you?"

"Well, Dykes seems to have muffed it rather. I wasn't there myself. But everything seemed all right. Fentiman looked a bit nervy, but many people do when they're interviewed by the police—think of their hideous pasts, I suppose, and wonder what's coming next. Or else it's just stage-fright. He stuck to the same tale he told you—said he was quite sure the old General hadn't taken any pills or anything in the taxi—didn't attempt to pretend he knew anything about Lady Dormer's will. There was nothing to detain him for. He said he had to get to his job in Great Portland Street. So they let him go. Dykes sent a man to follow him up, and he went along to Hubbard-Walmisley's all right. Dykes said, might he just have a look round the place before he went, and Mrs. Fentiman said certainly. He didn't expect to find anything, really. Just happened to step into the back-yard, and saw a bit of broken glass. He then had a look round, and there was the cap of the tablet-bottle in the dust-bin. Well, then, of course, he started to get interested, and was just having a hunt through for the rest of it, when old mother Munns appeared and said the dust-bin was her property. So they had to clear out. But Dykes oughtn't to have let Fentiman go till they'd finished going over the place. He 'phoned through to Hubbard-Walmisley's at once, and heard that Fentiman had arrived and immediately gone out with the car, to visit a prospective customer in Herts. The fellow who was supposed to be trailing Fentiman got carburetor trouble just beyond St. Albans, and by the time he was fixed, he'd lost Fentiman."

"Well, Dykes seems to have messed it up a bit. I wasn't there myself. But everything seemed okay. Fentiman looked a bit nervous, but a lot of people do when they're being interviewed by the police—probably thinking about their awful pasts and wondering what's going to happen next. Or maybe it's just stage fright. He stuck to the same story he told you—said he was sure the old General hadn’t taken any pills or anything in the taxi—didn't try to pretend he knew anything about Lady Dormer's will. There was nothing to keep him there. He mentioned he had to get to his job in Great Portland Street. So they let him go. Dykes sent someone to follow him, and he went straight to Hubbard-Walmisley's. Dykes asked if he could take a quick look around the place before leaving, and Mrs. Fentiman said sure. He didn't really expect to find anything. He just happened to walk into the backyard and saw a piece of broken glass. Then he looked around and found the cap of the tablet bottle in the trash bin. Well, then he started to get interested and was searching for the rest of it when old mother Munns showed up and claimed the trash bin was hers. So they had to leave. But Dykes shouldn’t have let Fentiman go until they searched the place thoroughly. He called Hubbard-Walmisley’s right away and found out that Fentiman had arrived and then immediately left with the car to visit a potential client in Herts. The guy who was supposed to be following Fentiman had carburetor issues just beyond St. Albans, and by the time he got it fixed, he had lost track of Fentiman."

"Did Fentiman go to the customer's house?"

"Did Fentiman go to the customer's house?"

"Not he. Disappeared completely. We shall find the car, of course—it's only a matter of time."

"Not him. He vanished completely. We'll find the car, of course—it's just a matter of time."

"Yes," said Wimsey. His voice sounded tired and constrained.

"Yeah," said Wimsey. His voice sounded worn out and tense.

"This alters the look of things a bit," said Parker, "doesn't it?"

"This changes things up a bit," Parker said, "doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Yep."

"What have you done to your face, old man?"

"What did you do to your face, old man?"

Wimsey glanced at the looking-glass, and saw that an angry red flush had come up on the cheekbone.

Wimsey glanced at the mirror and noticed that an angry red flush had appeared on his cheekbone.

"Had a bit of a dust-up with Robert," he said.

"Had a bit of a fight with Robert," he said.

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

Parker was aware of a thin veil of hostility, drawn between himself and the friend he valued. He knew that for the first time, Wimsey was seeing him as the police. Wimsey was ashamed and his shame made Parker ashamed too.

Parker sensed a thin layer of tension between himself and the friend he cherished. He realized that for the first time, Wimsey was viewing him as part of the police. Wimsey felt ashamed, and his shame made Parker feel ashamed as well.

"You'd better have some breakfast," said Parker. His voice sounded awkward to himself.

"You should have some breakfast," Parker said. His voice felt awkward to him.

"No—no thanks, old man. I'll go home and get a bath and shave."

"Thanks, but no thanks, old man. I'm going to head home, take a shower, and shave."

"Oh, right-oh!"

"Oh, right!"

There was a pause.

There was a break.

"Well, I'd better be going," said Wimsey.

"Well, I should probably get going," said Wimsey.

"Oh, yes," said Parker again. "Right-oh!"

"Oh, yeah," said Parker again. "Okay!"

"Er—cheerio!" said Wimsey at the door.

"Um—see you later!" said Wimsey at the door.

"Cheerio!" said Parker.

"See ya!" said Parker.

The bedroom door shut. The flat door shut. The front door shut.

The bedroom door closed. The apartment door closed. The front door closed.

Parker pulled the telephone towards him and called up Scotland Yard.

Parker grabbed the phone and called Scotland Yard.


The atmosphere of his own office was bracing to Parker when he got down there. For one thing, he was taken aside by a friend and congratulated in conspiratorial whispers.

The vibe in his office felt refreshing to Parker when he arrived. For one thing, a friend pulled him aside and congratulated him in hushed tones.

"Your promotion's gone through," said the friend. "Dead certainty. The Chief's no end pleased. Between you and me, of course. But you've got your Chief-Inspectorship all right. Damn good."

"Your promotion is official," said the friend. "No doubt about it. The Chief is really happy. Just between us, of course. But you've definitely got your Chief-Inspectorship. That's awesome."

Then, at ten o'clock, the news came through that the missing Walmisley-Hubbard had turned up. It had been abandoned in a remote Hertfordshire lane. It was in perfectly good order, the gear-lever in neutral and the tank full of petrol. Evidently, Fentiman had left it and wandered away somewhere, but he could not be far off. Parker made the necessary arrangements for combing out the neighborhood. The bustle and occupation soothed his mind. Guilty or insane or both, George Fentiman had to be found; it was just a job to be done.

Then, at ten o'clock, the news came in that the missing Walmisley-Hubbard had been found. It had been abandoned in a secluded lane in Hertfordshire. It was in perfect condition, the gear lever in neutral and the tank full of gas. Clearly, Fentiman had left it and wandered off somewhere, but he couldn’t be far away. Parker made the necessary arrangements to search the area. The hustle and activity calmed his mind. Whether guilty, insane, or both, George Fentiman needed to be found; it was simply a task that needed to be completed.

The man who had been sent to interview Mrs. Munns (armed this time with a warrant) returned with the fragments of the bottle and tablets. Parker duly passed these along to the police analyst. One of the detectives who was shadowing Miss Dorland rang up to announce that a young woman had come to see her, and that the two had then come out carrying a suit-case and driven away in a taxi. Maddison, the other detective, was following them. Parker said, "All right; stay where you are for the present," and considered this new development. The telephone rang again. He thought it would be Maddison, but it was Wimsey—a determinedly brisk and cheerful Wimsey this time.

The man sent to interview Mrs. Munns (this time with a warrant) came back with pieces of the bottle and tablets. Parker quickly forwarded these to the police analyst. One of the detectives following Miss Dorland called to say that a young woman had come to see her, and then they both left with a suitcase and took a taxi. Maddison, the other detective, was tailing them. Parker said, "Okay; stay where you are for now," and thought about this new twist. The phone rang again. He figured it would be Maddison, but it was Wimsey—this time, a very upbeat and cheerful Wimsey.

"I say, Charles. I want something."

"I’m telling you, Charles. I want something."

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"I want to go and see Miss Dorland."

"I want to go see Miss Dorland."

"You can't. She's gone off somewhere. My man hasn't reported yet."

"You can’t. She’s gone somewhere. My guy hasn’t checked in yet."

"Oh! Well, never mind her. What I really want to see is her studio."

"Oh! Well, forget about her. What I really want to check out is her studio."

"Yes? Well, there's no reason why you shouldn't."

"Sure? There's no reason why you can't."

"Will they let me in?"

"Will they let me in?"

"Probably not. I'll meet you there and take you in with me. I was going out any way. I've got to interview the nurse. We've just got hold of her."

"Probably not. I'll meet you there and take you in with me. I was going out anyway. I need to interview the nurse. We just got her."

"Thanks awfully. Sure you can spare the time?"

"Thanks so much. Are you sure you can take the time?"

"Yes. I'd like your opinion."

"Sure, I’d love your thoughts."

"I'm glad somebody wants it. I'm beginning to feel like a pelican in the wilderness."

"I'm glad someone wants it. I'm starting to feel like a pelican in the wild."

"Rot! I'll be round in ten minutes."

"Get lost! I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Of course," explained Parker, as he ushered Wimsey into the studio, "we've taken away all the chemicals and things. There's not much to look at, really."

"Of course," Parker said as he led Wimsey into the studio, "we've removed all the chemicals and stuff. There's not much to see, honestly."

"Well, you can deal best with all that. It's the books and paintings I want to look at. H'm! Books, you know, Charles, are like lobster shells, we surround ourselves with 'em, then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as evidence of our earlier stages of development."

"Well, you can handle all of that best. It's the books and paintings I want to see. H'm! Books, you know, Charles, are like lobster shells; we surround ourselves with them, then we outgrow them and leave them behind as proof of our earlier stages of development."

"That's a fact," said Parker. "I've got rows of school-boy stuff at home—never touch it now, of course. And W. J. Locke—read everything he wrote once upon a time. And Le Queux, and Conan Doyle, and all that stuff."

"That’s true," Parker said. "I have shelves filled with schoolboy books at home—never look at them now, of course. And W. J. Locke—I read everything he wrote back in the day. And Le Queux, and Conan Doyle, and all that kind of stuff."

"And now you read theology. And what else?"

"And now you’re studying theology. What else?"

"Well, I read Hardy a good bit. And when I'm not too tired, I have a go at Henry James."

"Well, I read a lot of Hardy. And when I'm not too tired, I try to tackle some Henry James."

"The refined self-examinations of the infinitely-sophisticated. 'M-m. Well now. Let's start with the shelves by the fireplace. Dorothy Richardson—Virginia Woolf—E. B. C. Jones—May Sinclair—Katherine Mansfield—the modern female writers are well represented, aren't they? Galsworthy. Yes. No J. D. Beresford—no Wells—no Bennett. Dear me, quite a row of D. H. Lawrence. I wonder if she reads him very often."

"The thoughtful self-reflections of the highly sophisticated. 'M-m. Well, let's begin with the shelves by the fireplace. Dorothy Richardson—Virginia Woolf—E. B. C. Jones—May Sinclair—Katherine Mansfield—modern female writers are well represented, right? Galsworthy. Yes. No J. D. Beresford—no Wells—no Bennett. My, quite a collection of D. H. Lawrence. I wonder if she reads him very often."

He pulled down "Women in Love" at random, and slapped the pages open and shut.

He randomly picked up "Women in Love" and flipped the pages open and closed.

"Not kept very well dusted, are they? But they have been read. Compton Mackenzie—Storm Jameson—yes—I see."

"Hey, not very well dusted, are they? But they've been read. Compton Mackenzie—Storm Jameson—yeah—I get it."

"The medical stuff is over here."

"The medical supplies are over here."

"Oh!—a few text-books—first steps in chemistry. What's that tumbled down at the back of the book-case? Louis Berman, eh? The Personal Equation. And here's Why We Behave Like Human Beings. And Julian Huxley's essays. A determined effort at self-education here, what?"

"Oh! A few textbooks—introductory chemistry. What's that fallen over at the back of the bookshelf? Louis Berman, huh? The Personal Equation. And here's Why We Behave Like Human Beings. And Julian Huxley’s essays. Looks like a serious effort at self-education here, right?"

"Girls seem to go in for that sort of thing nowadays."

"Girls seem to be into that kind of thing these days."

"Yes—hardly nice, is it? Hullo!"

"Yeah—definitely not nice, right? Hey!"

"What?"

"What?"

"Over here by the couch. This represents the latest of our lobster-shells, I fancy. Austin Freeman, Austin Freeman, Austin Freeman—bless me! she must have ordered him in wholesale. Through the Wall—that's a good 'tec story, Charles—all about the third degree—Isabel Ostrander—three Edgar Wallaces—the girl's been indulging in an orgy of crime!"

"Over here by the couch. I think this is the latest of our lobster shells. Austin Freeman, Austin Freeman, Austin Freeman—wow! She must have ordered him in bulk. Through the Wall—that's a great detective story, Charles—all about the third degree—Isabel Ostrander—three Edgar Wallaces—the girl has been going on a crime binge!"

"I shouldn't wonder," said Parker, with emphasis. "That fellow Freeman is full of plots about poisonings and wills and survivorship, isn't he?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," said Parker, stressing his point. "That guy Freeman is always coming up with schemes about poisonings, wills, and who inherits, right?"

"Yes"—Wimsey balanced A Silent Witness gently in his hand, and laid it down again. "This one, for instance, is all about a bloke who murdered somebody and kept him in cold storage till he was ready to dispose of him. It would suit Robert Fentiman."

"Yes"—Wimsey balanced A Silent Witness lightly in his hand and set it down again. "This one, for example, is about a guy who murdered someone and stored the body until he was ready to get rid of it. It would work for Robert Fentiman."

Parker grinned.

Parker smiled.

"A bit elaborate for the ordinary criminal. But I daresay people do get ideas out of these books. Like to look at the pictures? They're pretty awful."

"A bit too complicated for the average criminal. But I do think people get ideas from these books. They like to look at the pictures? They're really terrible."

"Don't try to break it gently. Show us the worst at once.... Oh, lord!"

"Don't try to soften the blow. Just show us the worst right away.... Oh, man!"

"Well, it gives me a pain," said Parker. "But I thought perhaps that was my lack of artistic education."

"Well, it gives me a headache," said Parker. "But I figured that might be because I don't have much artistic training."

"It was your natural good taste. What vile color, and viler drawing."

"It was your natural good taste. What an awful color, and an even worse design."

"But nobody cares about drawing nowadays, do they?"

"But nobody cares about drawing these days, do they?"

"Ah! but there's a difference between the man who can draw and won't draw, and the man who can't draw at all. Go on. Let's see the rest."

"Ah! But there's a difference between the person who can draw but chooses not to, and the person who can't draw at all. Go on. Let's see the rest."

Parker produced them, one after the other. Wimsey glanced quickly at each. He had picked up the brush and palette and was fingering them as he talked.

Parker brought them out one by one. Wimsey glanced at each one quickly. He had picked up the brush and palette and was fiddling with them as he talked.

"These," he said, "are the paintings of a completely untalented person, who is, moreover, trying to copy the mannerisms of a very advanced school. By the way, you have noticed, of course, that she has been painting within the last few days, but chucked it in sudden disgust. She has left the paints on the palette, and the brushes are still stuck in the turps, turning their ends up and generally ruining themselves. Suggestive, I fancy. The—stop a minute! Let's look at that again."

"These," he said, "are the paintings of someone with no talent, who is also trying to imitate the style of a very advanced school. By the way, you’ve noticed that she has been painting over the last few days but gave up in frustration. She left the paints on the palette, and the brushes are still soaking in the turpentine, getting ruined. Quite telling, I think. The—hold on a minute! Let’s take another look at that."

Parker had brought forward the head of the sallow, squinting man which he had mentioned to Wimsey before.

Parker had brought forward the head of the pale, squinting man he had mentioned to Wimsey earlier.

"Put that up on the easel. That's very interesting. The others, you see, are all an effort to imitate other people's art, but this—this is an effort to imitate nature. Why?—it's very bad, but it's meant for somebody. And it's been worked on a lot. Now what was it made her do that?"

"Put that on the easel. That's really interesting. The others, you know, are all attempts to imitate other people's art, but this—this tries to imitate nature. Why?—it's not great, but it's intended for someone. And a lot of effort has gone into it. Now, what made her do that?"

"Well, it wasn't for his beauty, I should think."

"Well, I doubt it was because of his looks."

"No?—but there must have been a reason. Dante, you may remember, once painted an angel. Do you know the limerick about the old man of Khartoum?"

"No?—but there has to be a reason. Dante, you might recall, once painted an angel. Do you know the limerick about the old man from Khartoum?"

"What did he do?"

"What did he do?"

"He kept two black sheep in his room. They remind me (he said) of two friends who are dead. But I cannot remember of whom."

"He kept two black sheep in his room. They remind me (he said) of two friends who are dead. But I can't remember who they were."

"If that reminds you of anybody you know, I don't care much for your friends. I never saw an uglier mug."

"If that brings to mind someone you know, I’m not a fan of your friends. I’ve never seen a more unattractive face."

"He's not beautiful. But I think the sinister squint is chiefly due to bad drawing. It's very difficult to get eyes looking the same way, when you can't draw. Cover up one eye, Charles—not yours, the portrait's."

"He's not good-looking. But I think the creepy squint is mostly because of poor drawing. It's really hard to make eyes look like they're both facing the same way when you can't draw. Cover up one eye, Charles—not yours, the one in the portrait."

Parker did so.

Parker did that.

Wimsey looked again, and shook his head.

Wimsey glanced again and shook his head.

"It escapes me for the moment," he said. "Probably it's nobody I know after all. But, whoever it is, surely this room tells you something."

"It’s slipping my mind right now," he said. "It’s probably not someone I know after all. But whoever they are, this room must mean something to you."

"It suggests to me," said Parker, "that the girl's been taking more interest in crimes and chemistry stuff than is altogether healthy in the circumstances."

"It seems to me," said Parker, "that the girl has been getting more interested in crimes and chemistry than is really healthy given the situation."

Wimsey looked at him for a moment.

Wimsey stared at him for a moment.

"I wish I could think as you do."

"I wish I could think like you do."

"What do you think?" demanded Parker, impatiently.

"What do you think?" Parker demanded, impatiently.

"No," said Wimsey. "I told you about that George business this morning, because glass bottles are facts, and one mustn't conceal facts. But I'm not obliged to tell you what I think."

"No," Wimsey said. "I mentioned that George situation this morning because glass bottles are facts, and you can't hide facts. But I'm not required to share what I think."

"You don't think, then, that Ann Dorland did the murder?"

"You don't think, then, that Ann Dorland committed the murder?"

"I don't know about that, Charles. I came here hoping that this room would tell me the same thing that it told you. But it hasn't. It's told me different. It's told me what I thought all along."

"I’m not so sure about that, Charles. I came here hoping that this room would share the same insights with me that it shared with you. But it hasn’t. It’s shared something different. It’s confirmed what I always believed."

"A penny for your thoughts, then," said Parker, trying desperately to keep the conversation on a jocular footing.

"A penny for your thoughts, then," said Parker, trying hard to keep the conversation lighthearted.

"Not even thirty pieces of silver," replied Wimsey, mournfully.

"Not even thirty pieces of silver," Wimsey replied sadly.

Parker stacked the canvasses away without another word.

Parker put the canvases away without saying anything else.


CHAPTER XIX

Lord Peter Plays Dummy

Lord Peter Acts Dumb

"Do you want to come with me to the Armstrong woman?"

"Do you want to come with me to see the Armstrong woman?"

"May as well," said Wimsey, "you never know."

"Why not," said Wimsey, "you never know."

Nurse Armstrong belonged to an expensive nursing home in Great Wimpole Street. She had not been interviewed before, having only returned the previous evening from escorting an invalid lady to Italy. She was a large, good-looking, imperturbable woman, rather like the Venus of Milo, and she answered Parker's questions in a cheerful, matter-of-fact tone, as though they had been about bandages or temperatures.

Nurse Armstrong worked at a high-end nursing home on Great Wimpole Street. She hadn’t been interviewed before, as she had just returned the night before from taking a wheelchair-bound woman to Italy. She was a tall, attractive, calm woman, somewhat resembling the Venus of Milo, and she responded to Parker's questions in a friendly, straightforward manner, as if they were about bandages or temperatures.

"Oh, yes, Constable; I remember the poor old gentleman being brought in, perfectly."

"Oh, yes, Officer; I clearly remember the poor old man being brought in."

Parker had a natural dislike to being called constable. However, a detective must not let little things like that irritate him.

Parker had a natural dislike of being called constable. However, a detective shouldn’t let small things like that get under his skin.

"Was Miss Dorland present at the interview between your patient and her brother?"

"Was Miss Dorland there during the meeting between your patient and her brother?"

"Only for a few moments. She said good afternoon to the old gentleman and led him up to the bed, and then, when she saw them comfortable together, she went out."

"Just for a little while. She said good afternoon to the old man and helped him settle onto the bed, and then, after she saw they were comfortable together, she left."

"How do you mean, comfortable together?"

"How do you mean, comfortable together?"

"Well, the patient called the old gentleman by his name, and he answered, and then he took her hand and said, 'I'm sorry, Felicity; forgive me,' or something of that sort, and she said, 'There's nothing to forgive; don't distress yourself, Arthur,'—crying, he was, the poor old man. So he sat down on the chair by the bed, and Miss Dorland went out."

"Well, the patient called the old gentleman by name, and he responded. Then he took her hand and said, 'I’m sorry, Felicity; forgive me,' or something like that, and she replied, 'There’s nothing to forgive; don’t worry about it, Arthur,'—the poor old man was crying. So he sat down on the chair by the bed, and Miss Dorland stepped out."

"Nothing was said about the will?"

"Didn’t anyone talk about the will?"

"Not while Miss Dorland was in the room, if that's what you mean."

"Not while Miss Dorland is in the room, if that's what you mean."

"Suppose anybody had listened at the door afterwards—could they have heard what was said?"

"Imagine if someone had eavesdropped at the door afterward—would they have heard what was said?"

"Oh, no! The patient was very weak and spoke very low. I couldn't hear myself half she said."

"Oh no! The patient was really weak and spoke so quietly. I could barely hear half of what she said."

"Where were you?"

"Where were you at?"

"Well, I went away, because I thought they'd like to be alone. But I was in my own room with the door open between, and I was looking in most of the time. She was so ill, you see, and the old gentleman looked so frail, I didn't like to go out of earshot. In our work, you see, we often have to see and hear a lot that we don't say anything about."

"Well, I left because I thought they wanted some privacy. But I was in my own room with the door open, and I was watching them most of the time. She was really sick, you know, and the old man looked so weak; I didn't want to be too far away. In our line of work, we often witness and hear a lot but don’t talk about it."

"Of course, Nurse—I am sure you did quite right. Now when Miss Dorland brought the brandy up—the General was feeling very ill?"

"Of course, Nurse—I’m sure you did the right thing. So when Miss Dorland brought up the brandy, the General was feeling really sick?"

"Yes—he had a nasty turn. I put him in the big chair and bent him over till the spasm went off. He asked for his own medicine, and I gave it to him—no, it wasn't drops—it was amyl nitrate; you inhale it. Then I rang the bell and sent the girl for the brandy."

"Yeah—he had a bad episode. I put him in the big chair and leaned him over until the spasm passed. He asked for his usual remedy, and I gave it to him—no, it wasn't drops—it was amyl nitrate; you inhale it. Then I rang the bell and sent the girl for the brandy."

"Amyl nitrate—you're sure that's all he had?"

"Amyl nitrate—are you positive that's all he had?"

"Positive; there wasn't anything else. Lady Dormer had been having strychnine injections to keep her heart going, of course, and we'd tried oxygen; but we shouldn't give him those, you know."

"Positive; there was nothing else. Lady Dormer had been getting strychnine injections to keep her heart going, of course, and we tried oxygen; but we shouldn't give him that, you know."

She smiled, competently, condescendingly.

She smiled, skillfully, condescendingly.

"Now, you say Lady Dormer had been having this, that and the other. Were there any medicines lying about that General Fentiman might have accidentally taken up and swallowed?"

"Now, you’re saying Lady Dormer had this, that, and the other going on. Were there any medicines around that General Fentiman might have accidentally picked up and swallowed?"

"Oh, dear no."

"Oh no."

"No drops or tabloids or anything of that kind?"

"No gossip or tabloids or anything like that?"

"Certainly not; the medicines were kept in my room."

"Of course not; the medicines were stored in my room."

"Nothing on the bedside table or the mantelpiece?"

"Nothing on the bedside table or the shelf above the fireplace?"

"There was a cup of diluted Listerine by the bed, for washing out the patient's mouth from time to time, that was all."

"There was a cup of diluted Listerine by the bed for rinsing out the patient's mouth occasionally, and that was it."

"And there's no digitalin in Listerine—no, of course not. Well now, who brought up the brandy-and-water?"

"And there's no digitalis in Listerine—no, of course not. So, who mentioned the brandy and water?"

"The housemaid went to Mrs. Mitcham for it. I should have had some upstairs, as a matter of fact, but the patient couldn't keep it down. Some of them can't, you know."

"The housemaid went to Mrs. Mitcham for it. I actually should have had some upstairs, but the patient couldn't keep it down. Some of them can't, you know."

"Did the girl bring it straight up to you?"

"Did the girl bring it directly to you?"

"No—she stopped to call Miss Dorland on the way. Of course, she ought to have brought the brandy at once and gone to Miss Dorland afterwards—but it's anything to save trouble with these girls, as I daresay you know."

"No—she paused to call Miss Dorland on the way. Obviously, she should have grabbed the brandy right away and then visited Miss Dorland afterwards—but anything to avoid trouble with these girls, as I'm sure you understand."

"Did Miss Dorland bring it straight up—?" began Parker. Nurse Armstrong broke in upon him.

"Did Miss Dorland bring it straight up—?" Parker started to say. Nurse Armstrong interrupted him.

"If you're thinking, did she put the digitalin into the brandy, you can dismiss that from your mind, constable. If he'd had as big a dose as that in solution at half-past four, he'd have been taken ill ever so much earlier than he was."

"If you're wondering whether she put the digitalin in the brandy, you can forget about that, officer. If he had taken such a large dose at half-past four, he would have gotten sick way earlier than he actually did."

"You seem to be well up in the case, Nurse."

"You seem to be really knowledgeable about the situation, Nurse."

"Oh, I am. Naturally I was interested, Lady Dormer being my patient and all."

"Oh, I am. Of course I was interested, since Lady Dormer is my patient and all."

"Of course. But all the same, did Miss Dorland bring the brandy straight along to you?"

"Of course. But still, did Miss Dorland bring the brandy straight to you?"

"I think so. I heard Nellie go along the passage on the half landing, and looked out to call to her, but by the time I'd got the door open, I saw Miss Dorland coming out of the studio with the brandy in her hand."

"I think so. I heard Nellie walking down the hallway on the half landing, and I looked out to call to her, but by the time I got the door open, I saw Miss Dorland coming out of the studio with the brandy in her hand."

"And where was Nellie then?"

"And where was Nellie now?"

"Just got back to the end of the passage and starting downstairs to the telephone."

"Just got back to the end of the hallway and I'm heading downstairs to the phone."

"At that rate, Miss Dorland couldn't have been more than ten seconds alone with the brandy," said Peter, thoughtfully. "And who gave it to General Fentiman?"

"At that rate, Miss Dorland couldn't have been more than ten seconds alone with the brandy," Peter said, thinking. "And who gave it to General Fentiman?"

"I did. I took it out of Miss Dorland's hand at the door and gave it to him at once. He seemed better then, and only took a little of it."

"I did. I took it out of Miss Dorland's hand at the door and gave it to him right away. He seemed better then and only took a small amount of it."

"Did you leave him again?"

"Did you break up with him again?"

"I did not. Miss Dorland went out on to the landing presently to see if the taxi was coming."

"I didn’t. Miss Dorland went out to the landing to check if the taxi was on its way."

"She was never alone with him?"

"She was never by herself with him?"

"Not for a moment."

"Not even for a second."

"Did you like Miss Dorland, Nurse? Is she a nice girl, I mean?" Wimsey had not spoken for so long that Parker quite started.

"Did you like Miss Dorland, Nurse? Is she a nice girl, I mean?" Wimsey had been silent for so long that Parker jumped a bit.

"She was always very pleasant to me," said Nurse Armstrong. "I shouldn't call her an attractive girl, not to my mind."

"She was always really nice to me," Nurse Armstrong said. "I wouldn't say she's an attractive girl, at least not in my opinion."

"Did she ever mention Lady Dormer's testamentary arrangements in your hearing?" asked Parker, picking up what he conceived to be Wimsey's train of thought.

"Did she ever talk about Lady Dormer's will in front of you?" asked Parker, picking up what he thought was Wimsey's line of thought.

"Well—not exactly. But I remember her once talking about her painting, and saying she did it for a hobby, as her aunt would see she always had enough to live on."

"Well—not really. But I remember her once talking about her painting and saying she did it as a hobby since her aunt would make sure she always had enough to live on."

"That's true enough," said Parker. "At the worst, she would get fifteen thousand pounds, which carefully invested, might mean six or seven hundred a year. She didn't say she expected to be very rich?"

"That's definitely true," Parker said. "At the most, she would get fifteen thousand pounds, which, if invested wisely, could bring in six or seven hundred a year. She never claimed she expected to be very wealthy?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Nor anything about the General?"

"Or anything about the General?"

"Not a word."

"Not a peep."

"Was she happy?" asked Wimsey.

"Was she happy?" Wimsey asked.

"She was upset, naturally, with her aunt being so ill."

"She was understandably upset about her aunt being so sick."

"I don't mean that. You are the sort of person who observes a lot—nurses are awfully quick about that kind of thing, I've noticed. Did she strike you as a person who—who felt right with life, as you might say?"

"I don’t mean that. You’re the kind of person who notices a lot—nurses are really good at that, I’ve seen. Did she seem like someone who—who felt okay with life, as you might put it?"

"She was one of the quiet ones. But—yes—I should say she was satisfied with things all right."

"She was one of the quiet ones. But—yes—I should say she was satisfied with things just fine."

"Did she sleep well?"

"Did she get enough sleep?"

"Oh, she was a very sound sleeper. It was a job to wake her if anything was wanted in the night."

"Oh, she was a really deep sleeper. It was a challenge to wake her if anything was needed during the night."

"Did she cry much?"

"Did she cry a lot?"

"She cried over the old lady's death; she had very nice feelings."

"She cried over the old woman's death; she had very kind feelings."

"Some natural tears she shed, and all that. She didn't lie about and have awful howling fits or anything like that?"

"She shed some real tears and all that. She didn't just lay around having awful crying fits or anything like that?"

"Good gracious, no!"

"No way!"

"How did she walk?"

"How did she move?"

"Walk?"

"Want to walk?"

"Yes, walk. Was she what you'd call droopy?"

"Yeah, walk. Was she what you'd call down?"

"Oh, no—quick and brisk."

"Oh no—fast and efficient."

"What was her voice like?"

"What did her voice sound like?"

"Well, now, that was one of the nice things about her. Rather deep for a woman, but with what I might call a tune in it. Melodious," said Nurse Armstrong, with a faint giggle, "that's what they call it in novels."

"Well, that was one of the nice things about her. Quite insightful for a woman, but with what I’d call a certain rhythm to it. Melodious," said Nurse Armstrong, with a slight giggle, "that’s what they call it in novels."

Parker opened his mouth and shut it again.

Parker opened his mouth and then closed it again.

"How long did you stay on at the house after Lady Dormer died?" pursued Wimsey.

"How long did you stay at the house after Lady Dormer passed away?" Wimsey asked.

"I waited on till after the funeral, just in case Miss Dorland should need anybody."

"I waited until after the funeral, just in case Miss Dorland needed someone."

"Before you left, did you hear anything of this trouble about the lawyers and the wills?"

"Before you left, did you hear anything about this issue with the lawyers and the wills?"

"They were talking about it downstairs. Miss Dorland said nothing to me herself."

"They were discussing it downstairs. Miss Dorland didn’t say anything to me directly."

"Did she seem worried?"

"Did she look worried?"

"Not to notice."

"Don't notice."

"Had she any friends with her at the time?"

"Did she have any friends with her at the time?"

"Not staying in the house. She went out to see some friends one evening, I think—the evening before I left. She didn't say who they were."

"Not staying in the house. She went out to see some friends one evening, I think—the evening before I left. She didn't say who they were."

"I see. Thank you, Nurse."

"Got it. Thanks, Nurse."

Parker had no more questions to put, and they took their leave.

Parker had no more questions to ask, so they said their goodbyes.

"Well," said Parker, "how anybody could admire that girl's voice——"

"Well," Parker said, "I don't understand how anyone could admire that girl's voice——"

"You noticed that! My theory is coming out right, Charles. I wish it wasn't. I'd rather be wrong. I should like to have you look pitifully at me and say, 'I told you so.' I can't speak more strongly than that."

"You noticed that! My theory is proving to be right, Charles. I wish it wasn’t. I’d rather be wrong. I would love for you to look at me with pity and say, 'I told you so.' I can’t express it more strongly than that."

"Hang your theories!" said Parker. "It looks to me as if we shall have to wash out the idea that General Fentiman got his dose in Portman Square. By the way, didn't you say you'd met the Dorland girl at the Rushworth's?"

"Forget your theories!" said Parker. "It seems to me that we need to dismiss the idea that General Fentiman got his dose in Portman Square. By the way, didn't you mention you met the Dorland girl at the Rushworth's?"

"No. I said I went hoping to meet her, but she wasn't there."

"No. I said I went hoping to see her, but she wasn't there."

"Oh, I see. Well, that'll do for the moment. How about a spot of lunch?"

"Oh, I get it. That'll work for now. How about we grab some lunch?"

At which point they turned the corner and ran slap into Salcombe Hardy, emerging from Harley Street. Wimsey clutched Parker's arm suddenly. "I've remembered," he said.

At that moment, they turned the corner and ran right into Salcombe Hardy, who was coming out of Harley Street. Wimsey suddenly grabbed Parker's arm. "I've remembered," he said.

"What?"

"What?"

"Who that portrait reminds me of. Tell you later."

"That portrait reminds me of someone. I'll tell you later."

Sally, it appeared, was also thinking of grub. He was, in fact, due to meet Waffles Newton at the Falstaff. It ended in their all going to the Falstaff.

Sally seemed to be thinking about food too. He was actually supposed to meet Waffles Newton at the Falstaff. So, they all ended up going to the Falstaff.

"And how's it all going?" demanded Sally, ordering boiled beef and carrots.

"And how's everything going?" Sally asked, ordering boiled beef and carrots.

He looked limpidly at Parker who shook his head.

He looked clearly at Parker, who shook his head.

"Discreet man, your friend," said Sally to Peter. "I suppose the police are engaged in following up a clew—or have we reached the point when they are completely baffled? Or do we say that an arrest is imminent, eh?"

"Careful guy, your friend," Sally said to Peter. "I guess the cops are busy chasing a lead—or have they hit a dead end? Or should we say that an arrest is just around the corner, huh?"

"Tell us your own version, Sally. Your opinion's as good as anybody's."

"Share your take on it, Sally. Your opinion is just as valid as anyone else's."

"Oh, mine!—Same as yours—same as everybody's. The girl was in league with the doctor, of course. Pretty obvious, isn't it?"

"Oh, mine!—Same as yours—same as everyone else's. The girl was definitely working with the doctor, obviously. Pretty clear, right?"

"Maybe," said Parker, cautiously. "But that's a hard thing to prove. We know, of course, that they both sometimes went to Mrs. Rushworth's house, but there's no evidence that they knew each other well."

"Maybe," Parker said carefully. "But that's a tough thing to prove. We know, of course, that they both occasionally went to Mrs. Rushworth's house, but there's no evidence that they were well acquainted."

"But, you ass, she—" Wimsey blurted out. He shut his mouth again with a snap. "No, I won't. Fish it out for yourselves."

"But, you idiot, she—" Wimsey blurted out. He snapped his mouth shut again. "No, I won't. Figure it out for yourselves."

Illumination was flooding in on him in great waves. Each point of light touched off a myriad others. Now a date was lit up, and now a sentence. The relief in his mind would have been overwhelming, had it not been for that nagging central uncertainty. It was the portrait that worried him most. Painted as a record, painted to recall beloved features—thrust face to the wall and covered with dust.

Light was flooding in on him in waves. Each point of light sparked countless others. Now a date was illuminated, and now a sentence. The relief in his mind would have been overwhelming, if not for that persistent central uncertainty. It was the portrait that troubled him the most. Meant to capture memories, meant to recall cherished features—faced against the wall and covered in dust.

Sally and Parker were talking.

Sally and Parker were chatting.

"... moral certainty is not the same thing as proof."

"... moral certainty is not the same as proof."

"Unless we can show that she knew the terms of the will...."

"Unless we can prove that she knew the terms of the will...."

"... why wait till the last minute? It could have been done safely any time...."

"... why wait until the last minute? It could have been done safely at any time...."

"They probably thought it wasn't necessary. The old lady looked like seeing him into his grave easily. If it hadn't been for the pneumonia."

"They probably thought it wasn't needed. The old lady seemed like she could easily see him into his grave. If it hadn't been for the pneumonia."

"Even so, they had five days."

"Still, they had 5 days."

"Yes—well, say she didn't know till the very day of Lady Dormer's death...."

"Yeah—well, let's say she didn't find out until the very day Lady Dormer died...."

"She might have told her then. Explained ... seeing the thing had become a probability...."

"She could have told her then. Explained ... since it had become a possibility...."

"And the Dorland girl arranged for the visit to Harley Street...."

"And the Dorland girl set up the visit to Harley Street...."

"... plain as the nose on your face."

"... obvious as the nose on your face."

Hardy chuckled.

Hardy laughed.

"They must have got a thundering shock when the body turned up the next morning at the Bellona. I suppose you gave Penberthy a good grueling about that rigor."

"They must have been really shocked when the body showed up the next morning at the Bellona. I guess you gave Penberthy a hard time about that stiffness."

"Pretty fair. He fell back on professional caution, naturally."

"That’s reasonable. He relied on professional caution, of course."

"It's coming to him in the witness-box. Does he admit knowing the girl?"

"It's coming to him in the witness stand. Does he admit he knows the girl?"

"He says he just knows her to speak to. But one's got to find somebody who has seen them together. You remember the Thompson case. It was the interview in the tea-shop that clinched it."

"He says he only knows her to talk to. But you need someone who has actually seen them together. Remember the Thompson case? It was the interview in the tea shop that sealed the deal."

"What I want to know," said Wimsey, "is why——"

"What I want to know," said Wimsey, "is why——"

"Why what?"

"Why what?"

"Why didn't they compromise?" It was not what he had been going to say, but he felt defeated, and those words would end the sentence as well as any others.

"Why didn’t they compromise?" It wasn’t what he had intended to say, but he felt defeated, and those words would conclude the sentence as well as any others.

"What's that?" asked Hardy, quickly.

"What's that?" Hardy asked quickly.

Peter explained.

Peter explained.

"When the question of survivorship came up, the Fentimans were ready to compromise and split the money. Why didn't Miss Dorland agree? If your idea is the right one, it was much the safest way. But it was she who insisted on an inquiry."

"When the issue of who would inherit came up, the Fentimans were willing to compromise and share the money. Why didn’t Miss Dorland agree? If your approach was the correct one, it was definitely the safest option. But she was the one who pushed for an investigation."

"I didn't know that," said Hardy. He was annoyed. All kinds of "stories" were coming his way to-day, and to-morrow there would probably be an arrest, and he wouldn't be able to use them.

"I didn't know that," Hardy said, feeling annoyed. He was getting all kinds of "stories" today, and tomorrow there would probably be an arrest, so he wouldn't be able to use them.

"They did agree to compromise in the end," said Parker. "When was that?"

"They did agree to compromise in the end," Parker said. "When did that happen?"

"After I told Penberthy there was going to be an exhumation," said Wimsey, as though in spite of himself.

"After I told Penberthy they were going to dig up the body," Wimsey said, seemingly unable to help himself.

"There you are! They saw it was getting too dangerous."

"There you are! They realized it was becoming too risky."

"Do you remember how nervous Penberthy was at the exhumation?" said Parker. "That man—what's his name's—joke about Palmer, and knocking over the jar?"

"Do you remember how nervous Penberthy was during the exhumation?" Parker asked. "That guy—what’s his name—made a joke about Palmer and knocked over the jar?"

"What was that?" demanded Hardy again. Parker told him, and he listened, grinding his teeth. Another good story gone west. But it would all come out at the trial, and would be worth a headline.

"What was that?" Hardy asked again. Parker told him, and he listened, clenching his teeth. Another good story wasted. But it would all come out at the trial and would make a great headline.

"Robert Fentiman ought to be given a medal," said Hardy. "If he hadn't gone butting in——"

"Robert Fentiman should get a medal," said Hardy. "If he hadn’t gone sticking his nose in——"

"Robert Fentiman?" inquired Parker, distantly.

"Robert Fentiman?" Parker asked, distantly.

Hardy grinned.

Hardy smiled.

"If he didn't fix up the old boy's body, who did? Give us credit for a little intelligence."

"If he didn't take care of the old guy's body, who did? Give us some credit for being a bit smart."

"One admits nothing," said Parker, "but——"

"One confesses to nothing," Parker said, "but——"

"But everybody says he did it. Leave it at that. Somebody did it. If Somebody hadn't butted in, it would have been jam for the Dorland."

"But everyone says he did it. Just leave it at that. Someone did it. If someone hadn't interfered, it would have been smooth sailing for the Dorland."

"Well, yes. Old Fentiman would just have gone home and pegged out quietly—and Penberthy would have given the certificate."

"Well, yeah. Old Fentiman would have just gone home and quietly passed away—and Penberthy would have issued the certificate."

"I'd like to know how many inconvenient people are polished off that way. Damn it—it's so easy."

"I'd like to know how many annoying people get taken care of like that. Damn it—it's just so easy."

"I wonder how Penberthy's share of the boodle was to be transferred to him."

"I wonder how Penberthy was supposed to get his cut of the money."

"I don't," said Hardy. "Look here—here's this girl. Calls herself an artist. Paints bad pictures. Right. Then she meets this doctor fellow. He's mad on glands. Shrewd man—knows there's money in glands. She starts taking up glands. Why?"

"I don't," said Hardy. "Look at this girl. She calls herself an artist. She paints terrible pictures. Fine. Then she meets this doctor. He's obsessed with glands. Smart guy—he knows there's money in glands. She starts focusing on glands. Why?"

"That was a year ago."

"That was a year back."

"Precisely. Penberthy isn't a rich man. Retired Army surgeon, with a brass plate and a consulting-room in Harley Street—shares the house with two other hard-up brass-platers. Lives on a few old dodderers down at the Bellona. Has an idea, if only he could start one of these clinics for rejuvenating people, he could be a millionaire. All these giddy old goats who want their gay time over again—why, they're a perfect fortune to the man with a bit of capital and a hell of a lot of cheek. Then this girl comes along—rich old woman's heiress—and he goes after her. It's all fixed up. He's to accommodate her by removing the obstacle to the fortune, and she obligingly responds by putting the money into his clinic. In order not to make it too obvious, she had to pretend to get a dickens of an interest in glands. So she drops painting and takes to medicine. What could be clearer?"

"Exactly. Penberthy isn't wealthy. He's a retired Army surgeon with a nameplate and a consultation room in Harley Street, sharing his house with two other financially struggling practitioners. He gets by on a few elderly patients at the Bellona. He believes that if he could just start one of these clinics for rejuvenating people, he could become a millionaire. All those adventurous old folks wanting to relive their wild days—they'd be a goldmine for someone with a little capital and a lot of nerve. Then this young woman shows up—an heiress from a wealthy older woman—and he pursues her. It's all arranged. He’ll help her remove the obstacle to her inheritance, and in return, she’ll fund his clinic. To not make it too obvious, she has to pretend to be really interested in glands. So, she gives up painting and dives into medicine. What could be more straightforward than that?"

"But that means," put in Wimsey, "that she must have known all about the will at least a year ago."

"But that means," interjected Wimsey, "that she must have known all about the will at least a year ago."

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

"Well that brings us back to the old question: Why the delay?"

"Well, that brings us back to the old question: Why the holdup?"

"And it gives us the answer," said Parker. "They waited till the interest in the glands and things was so firmly established and recognized by everybody that nobody would connect it with the General's death."

"And it gives us the answer," Parker said. "They waited until the interest in the glands and all that was so well established and recognized by everyone that no one would link it to the General's death."

"Of course," said Wimsey. He felt that matters were rushing past him at a bewildering rate. But George was safe, anyhow.

"Of course," said Wimsey. He felt like everything was moving too fast for him to keep up. But George was safe, at least.

"How soon do you think you'll be able to take action?" asked Hardy. "I suppose you'll want a bit more solid proof before you actually arrest them."

"How soon do you think you'll be able to take action?" Hardy asked. "I guess you’ll want a little more solid proof before you actually arrest them."

"I'd have to be certain that they don't wriggle out of it," said Parker, slowly. "It's not enough to prove that they were acquainted. There may be letters, of course, when we go over the girl's things. Or Penberthy's—though he's hardly the man to leave compromising documents lying about."

"I need to make sure they don't get away with it," Parker said slowly. "It's not enough just to show that they knew each other. There could be letters, of course, when we look through the girl's belongings. Or Penberthy's—although he's not the type to leave any risky documents lying around."

"You haven't detained Miss Dorland?"

"You haven't arrested Miss Dorland?"

"No, we've let her loose—on a string. I don't mind telling you one thing. There's been no communication of any kind with Penberthy."

"No, we've let her go—on a leash. I don’t mind telling you one thing. There’s been no contact of any kind with Penberthy."

"Of course there hasn't," said Wimsey. "They've quarrelled."

"Of course there hasn't," Wimsey said. "They've had a fight."

The others stared at him.

The others looked at him.

"How do you know that?" demanded Parker, annoyed.

"How do you know that?" Parker demanded, irritated.

"Oh, well—it doesn't matter—I think so, that's all. And any way, they would take jolly good care not to communicate, once the alarm was given."

"Oh, well—it doesn't matter—I think so, that's it. And anyway, they would definitely make sure not to communicate once the alarm was sounded."

"Hullo!" broke in Hardy, "here's Waffles. Late again. Waffles!—what have you been doing, old boy?"

"Hey!" interrupted Hardy, "here's Waffles. Late again. Waffles!—what have you been up to, man?"

"Interviewing the Rushworths," said Waffles, edging his way into a chair by Hardy. He was a thin, sandy person, with a tired manner. Hardy introduced him to Wimsey and Parker.

"Interviewing the Rushworths," said Waffles, sliding into a chair next to Hardy. He was a thin, sandy-haired guy with a weary demeanor. Hardy introduced him to Wimsey and Parker.

"Got your story in?"

"Did you submit your story?"

"Oh, yes. Awful lot of cats these women are. Ma Rushworth—she's the sloppy sort of woman with her head in the clouds all the time, who never sees anything till it's stuck right under her nose—she pretends, of course, that she always thought Ann Dorland was an unwholesome kind of girl. I nearly asked why, in that case, she had her about the house; but I didn't. Anyway, Mrs. Rushworth said, they didn't know her very intimately. They wouldn't, of course. Wonderful how these soulful people sheer off at the least suggestion of unpleasantness."

"Oh, definitely. These women are just full of drama. Ma Rushworth—she’s one of those messy types with her head in the clouds all the time, who never notices anything until it’s right in front of her—she acts like she always thought Ann Dorland was a bad kind of girl. I almost asked why, if that’s true, she had her around the house; but I didn't. Anyway, Mrs. Rushworth said they didn't know her very well. Of course, they wouldn't. It’s amazing how these deep thinkers back off at the slightest hint of discomfort."

"Did you get anything about Penberthy?"

"Did you hear anything about Penberthy?"

"Oh, yes—I got something."

"Oh, yes—I got something."

"Good?"

"Is it good?"

"Oh, yes."

"Yeah, definitely."

Hardy, with Fleet Street's delicate reticence towards the man with an exclusive story, did not press the question. The talk turned back and went over the old ground. Waffles Newton agreed with Salcombe Hardy's theory.

Hardy, with Fleet Street's subtle hesitation towards the person with a unique story, didn't push the issue. The conversation shifted back and revisited the same topics. Waffles Newton supported Salcombe Hardy's theory.

"The Rushworths must surely know something. Not the mother, perhaps—but the girl. If she's engaged to Penberthy, she'll have noticed any other woman who seemed to have an understanding with him. Women see these things."

"The Rushworths have to know something. Maybe not the mother, but definitely the girl. If she's engaged to Penberthy, she must have noticed any other woman who seems close to him. Women pick up on these things."

"You don't suppose that they're going to confess that dear Dr. Penberthy ever had an understanding with anybody but dear Naomi," retorted Newton. "Besides, they aren't such fools as not to know that Penberthy's connection with the Dorland girl must be smothered up at all costs. They know she did it, all right, but they aren't going to compromise him."

"You don't really think they're going to admit that dear Dr. Penberthy had any sort of relationship with anyone other than dear Naomi," Newton shot back. "Besides, they aren't so stupid as to not realize that Penberthy's link to the Dorland girl has to be kept under wraps at all costs. They know she did it for sure, but they're not going to put him in a compromising position."

"Of course not," said Parker, rather shortly. "The mother probably knows nothing, anyway. It's a different matter if we get the girl in the witness-box——"

"Of course not," Parker replied, somewhat abruptly. "The mother probably doesn’t know anything, anyway. It's a different situation if we get the girl on the witness stand——"

"You won't," said Waffles Newton. "At least, you'll have to be jolly quick."

"You won't," said Waffles Newton. "At least, you'll need to be really quick."

"Why?"

"Why?"

Newton waved an apologetic hand.

Newton waved a sorry hand.

"They're being married to-morrow," he said, "special license. I say, that's not to go further, Sally."

"They're getting married tomorrow," he said, "with a special license. I mean, that's as far as it goes, Sally."

"That's all right, old man."

"That's okay, my dude."

"Married?" said Parker. "Good lord! that forces our hand a bit. Perhaps I'd better pop off. So long—and thanks very much for the tip, old man."

"Married?" Parker said. "Wow! That changes things a bit. Maybe I should head out. Take care—and thanks a lot for the heads-up, my friend."

Wimsey followed him into the street.

Wimsey followed him out onto the street.

"We'll have to put the stopper on this marriage business, quick," said Parker, madly waving to a taxi, which swooped past and ignored him. "I didn't want to move just at present, because I wasn't ready, but it'll be the devil and all if the Rushworth girl gets hitched up to Penberthy and we can't take her evidence. Devil of it is, if she's determined to go on with it, we can't stop it without arresting Penberthy. Very dangerous, when there's no real proof. I think we'd better have him down to the Yard for interrogation and detain him."

"We need to put a stop to this marriage thing, fast," Parker said, frantically waving at a taxi that zoomed by without stopping. "I didn't want to move right now because I'm not ready, but it'll be a huge mess if the Rushworth girl marries Penberthy and we can't get her testimony. The problem is, if she's set on going through with it, we can't prevent it without arresting Penberthy. That's really risky when there's no solid proof. I think we should bring him to the Yard for questioning and hold him there."

"Yes," said Wimsey. "But—look here, Charles."

"Yeah," said Wimsey. "But—check this out, Charles."

A taxi drew up.

A taxi pulled up.

"What?" said Parker, sharply, with his foot on the step. "I can't wait, old man. What is it?"

"What?" Parker said sharply, with his foot on the step. "I can't wait, man. What's going on?"

"I—look here, Charles—this is all wrong," pleaded Wimsey. "You may have got the right solution, but the working of the sum's all wrong. Same as mine used to be at school, when I'd looked up the answer in the crib and had to fudge in the middle part. I've been a fool. I ought to have known about Penberthy. But I don't believe this story about bribing and corrupting him, and getting him to do the murder. It doesn't fit."

"I—listen, Charles—this is all wrong," Wimsey pleaded. "You might have the right answer, but the process is completely off. It's just like when I was in school, looking up the answer in the back and having to fake the steps in the middle. I've been an idiot. I should have known about Penberthy. But I can't believe this story about bribing and corrupting him to commit the murder. It just doesn’t make sense."

"Doesn't fit what?"

"Doesn't fit what, exactly?"

"Doesn't fit the portrait. Or the books. Or the way Nurse Armstrong described Ann Dorland. Or your description of her. It's a mechanically perfect explanation, but I swear it's all wrong."

"Doesn't match the picture. Or the books. Or the way Nurse Armstrong described Ann Dorland. Or how you described her. It's a perfectly logical explanation, but I swear it's completely off."

"If it's mechanically perfect," said Parker, "that's good enough. It's far more than most explanations are. You've got that portrait on the brain. It's because you're artistic, I suppose."

"If it's mechanically perfect," Parker said, "that's good enough. It's way more than most explanations are. You've got that picture in your head. I guess it's because you're artistic."

For some reason, the word "artistic" produces the most alarming reactions in people who know anything about art.

For some reason, the word "artistic" gets the most intense reactions from people who know anything about art.

"Artistic be damned!" said Wimsey, spluttering with fury, "it's because I'm an ordinary person, and have met women, and talked to them like ordinary human beings——"

"Artistic be damned!" said Wimsey, sputtering with rage, "it's because I'm an ordinary person, and have met women, and talked to them like regular human beings——"

"You and your women," said Parker, rudely.

"You and your women," Parker said brusquely.

"Well—I and my women, what about it? One learns something. You're on the wrong tack about this girl."

"Well—me and my women, what’s the deal? You learn something new. You're missing the point about this girl."

"I've met her and you haven't," objected Parker. "Unless you're suppressing something. You keep on hinting things. Anyhow, I've met the girl, and she impressed me as being guilty."

"I've met her, and you haven't," Parker said. "Unless you’re hiding something. You keep dropping hints. Anyway, I've met the girl, and she struck me as being guilty."

"And I haven't met her, and I'll swear she isn't guilty."

"And I haven't met her, and I can assure you she's not guilty."

"You must know, of course."

"You know, of course."

"I do happen to know about this."

"I actually know about this."

"I'm afraid your unsupported opinion will hardly be sufficient to refute the weight of evidence."

"I'm afraid your unbacked opinion won't be enough to counter the strong evidence."

"You haven't any real evidence, if it comes to that. You don't know that they were ever alone together; you don't know that Ann Dorland knew about the will; you can't prove that Penberthy administered the poison——"

"You don't have any real proof, to be honest. You don't know if they were ever alone together; you have no idea if Ann Dorland knew about the will; you can't prove that Penberthy gave the poison——"

"I don't despair of getting all the evidence necessary," said Parker, coldly, "provided you don't keep me here all day." He slammed the taxi-door.

"I’m not worried about gathering all the evidence I need," Parker said coldly, "as long as you don’t keep me here all day." He slammed the taxi door.

"What a beast of a case this is," thought Wimsey. "That makes two silly, sordid rows to-day. Well, what next?" He considered a moment.

"What a tough case this is," thought Wimsey. "That makes two petty, messy arguments today. Well, what's next?" He thought for a moment.

"My spirit needs soothing," he decided. "Feminine society is indicated. Virtuous feminine society. No emotions. I'll go and have tea with Marjorie Phelps."

"My spirit needs calming," he thought. "I should be around some women. Respectable women. No drama. I'll go have tea with Marjorie Phelps."


CHAPTER XX

Ann Dorland Goes Misere

Ann Dorland Goes Awry

The studio door was opened by a girl he did not know. She was not tall, but compactly and generously built. He noticed the wide shoulders and the strong swing of the thighs before he had taken in her face. The uncurtained window behind her threw her features into shadow, he was only aware of thick black hair, cut in a square bob, with a bang across the forehead.

The studio door was opened by a girl he didn’t recognize. She wasn’t tall, but she had a sturdy and curvy figure. He noticed her broad shoulders and the powerful sway of her thighs before he took in her face. The uncurtained window behind her cast her features in shadow; he only noticed her thick black hair, styled in a square bob, with bangs across her forehead.

"Miss Phelps is out."

"Ms. Phelps is out."

"Oh!—will she be long?"

"Oh!—will she take long?"

"Don't know. She'll be in to supper."

"Not sure. She'll be home for dinner."

"Do you think I might come in and wait?"

"Do you think I could come in and wait?"

"I expect so, if you're a friend of hers."

"I guess so, if you're one of her friends."

The girl fell back from the doorway and let him pass. He laid his hat and stick on the table and turned to her. She took no notice of him, but walked over to the fireplace and stood with one hand on the mantelpiece. Unable to sit down, since she was still standing, Wimsey moved to the modeling-board, and raised the wet cloth that covered the little mound of clay.

The girl stepped back from the doorway and let him go by. He placed his hat and stick on the table and turned to her. She ignored him and walked over to the fireplace, resting one hand on the mantel. Not being able to sit down, since she was still standing, Wimsey moved to the modeling board and lifted the damp cloth that was covering the small mound of clay.

He was gazing with an assumption of great interest at the half-modeled figure of an old flower-seller, when the girl said:

He was looking intently at the partially sculpted figure of an old flower-seller when the girl said:

"I say!"

"Seriously!"

She had taken up Marjorie Phelps' figurine of himself, and was twisting it over in her fingers.

She picked up Marjorie Phelps' figurine of him and was turning it over in her fingers.

"Is this you?"

"Is this you?"

"Yes—rather good of me, don't you think?"

"Yeah—pretty nice of me, don’t you think?"

"What do you want?"

"What do you need?"

"Want?"

"Interested?"

"You've come here to have a look at me, haven't you?"

"You've come here to check me out, haven't you?"

"I came to see Miss Phelps."

"I came to see Miss Phelps."

"I suppose the policeman at the corner comes to see Miss Phelps too."

"I guess the cop at the corner comes to see Miss Phelps too."

Wimsey glanced out of the window. There was a man at the corner—an elaborately indifferent lounger.

Wimsey looked out the window. There was a man at the corner—an elaborately indifferent slacker.

"I am sorry," said Wimsey, with sudden enlightenment. "I'm really awfully sorry to seem so stupid, and so intrusive. But honestly, I had no idea who you were till this moment."

"I'm sorry," Wimsey said, suddenly realizing. "I really feel bad for coming off as so clueless and intrusive. But honestly, I had no idea who you were until just now."

"Hadn't you? Oh, well, it doesn't matter."

"Didn't you? Oh, well, it doesn't matter."

"Shall I go?"

"Should I go?"

"You can please yourself."

"Do what makes you happy."

"If you really mean that, Miss Dorland, I should like to stay. I've been wanting to meet you, you know."

"If you really mean that, Miss Dorland, then I’d like to stay. I’ve been wanting to meet you, you know."

"That was nice of you," she mocked. "First you wanted to defraud me, and now you're trying to——"

"That was nice of you," she scoffed. "First you wanted to scam me, and now you're trying to——"

"To what?"

"To what extent?"

She shrugged her wide shoulders.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Yours is not a pleasant hobby, Lord Peter Wimsey."

"Your hobby isn't a pleasant one, Lord Peter Wimsey."

"Will you believe me," said Wimsey, "when I assure you that I was never a party to the fraud. In fact, I showed it up. I did, really."

"Will you believe me," said Wimsey, "when I tell you that I was never involved in the fraud? In fact, I exposed it. I really did."

"Oh, well. It doesn't matter now."

"Oh, well. It doesn't matter now."

"But do please believe that."

"But please believe that."

"Very well. If you say so, I must believe it."

"Alright. If you say so, I have to believe it."

She threw herself on the couch near the fire.

She flopped onto the couch by the fire.

"That's better," said Wimsey. "Napoleon or somebody said that you could always turn a tragedy into a comedy, by sittin' down. Perfectly true, isn't it? Let's talk about something ordinary till Miss Phelps comes in. Shall we?"

"That's better," said Wimsey. "Napoleon or someone said that you can always turn a tragedy into a comedy, just by sitting down. That's completely true, isn't it? Let's chat about something normal until Miss Phelps comes in. Sound good?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"What do you want to discuss?"

"Oh, well—that's rather embarrassin'. Books." He waved a vague hand. "What have you been readin' lately?"

"Oh, well—that's pretty embarrassing. Books." He waved a vague hand. "What have you been reading lately?"

"Nothing much."

"Not much."

"Don't know what I should do without books. Fact, I always wonder what people did in the old days. Just think of it. All sorts of bothers goin' on—matrimonial rows and love-affairs—prodigal sons and servants and worries—and no books to turn to."

"Honestly, I can’t imagine what I would do without books. It makes me think about what people did back in the day. Just consider it. There were all kinds of troubles—marriage disputes and romantic entanglements—wayward sons and servants and anxieties—and no books to escape to."

"People worked with their hands instead."

"People worked with their hands instead."

"Yes—that's frightfully jolly for the people who can do it. I envy them myself. You paint, don't you?"

"Yeah—that's really great for people who can do that. I envy them, honestly. You paint, right?"

"I try to."

"I'll try."

"Portraits?"

"Portraits?"

"Oh, no—figure and landscape chiefly."

"Oh no—mainly figure and landscape."

"Oh!... A friend of mine—well, it's no use disguising it—he's a detective—you've met him, I think...."

"Oh! A friend of mine—well, I can't hide it—he's a detective—you've met him, I believe..."

"That man? Oh, yes. Quite a polite sort of detective."

"That man? Oh, yes. He's a really polite kind of detective."

"He told me he'd seen some stuff of yours. It rather surprised him, I think. He's not exactly a modernist. He seemed to think your portraits were your best work."

"He told me he’d seen some of your stuff. It surprised him a bit, I think. He’s not really a modernist. He seemed to think your portraits were your best work."

"There weren't many portraits. A few figure-studies...."

"There weren't many portraits. Just a few figure studies...."

"They worried him a bit." Wimsey laughed. "The only thing he understood, he said, was a man's head in oils...."

"They worried him a little." Wimsey laughed. "The only thing he got was a man's head in oils...."

"Oh, that!—just an experiment—a fancy thing. My best stuff is some sketches I did of the Wiltshire Downs a year or two ago. Direct painting, without any preliminary sketch."

"Oh, that!—just an experiment—a little project. My best work is some sketches I did of the Wiltshire Downs a year or two ago. Direct painting, with no preliminary sketch."

She described a number of these works.

She described several of these works.

"They sound ever so jolly," said Wimsey. "Great stuff. I wish I could do something of that kind. As I say, I have to fall back on books for my escape. Reading is an escape to me. Is it to you?"

"They sound really cheerful," said Wimsey. "Awesome stuff. I wish I could do something like that. Like I said, I have to rely on books for my escape. Reading is an escape for me. How about you?"

"How do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well—it is to most people, I think. Servants and factory hands read about beautiful girls loved by dark, handsome men, all covered over with jewels and moving in scenes of gilded splendour. And passionate spinsters read Ethel M. Dell. And dull men in offices read detective stories. They wouldn't, if murder and police entered into their lives."

"Well—it seems that way to most people, I think. Servants and factory workers read about beautiful girls loved by dark, handsome men, all adorned with jewels and living in opulent settings. And lonely women read Ethel M. Dell. Meanwhile, boring office workers read detective stories. They wouldn't if murder and the police were part of their lives."

"I don't know," she said. "When Crippen and Le Neve were taken on the steamer, they were reading Edgar Wallace." Her voice was losing its dull harshness; she sounded almost interested.

"I don't know," she said. "When Crippen and Le Neve were taken on the steamer, they were reading Edgar Wallace." Her voice was losing its dull harshness; she sounded almost engaged.

"Le Neve was reading it," said Wimsey, "but I've never believed she knew about the murder. I think she was fighting desperately to know nothing about it—reading horrors, and persuading herself that nothing of that kind had happened, or could happen, to her. I think one might do that, don't you?"

"Le Neve was reading it," said Wimsey, "but I've never believed she knew about the murder. I think she was desperately trying to avoid knowing anything about it—reading terrible stories, and convincing herself that nothing like that had happened, or could happen, to her. I think it's possible to do that, don’t you?"

"I don't know," said Ann Dorland. "Of course, a detective story keeps your brain occupied. Rather like chess. Do you play chess?"

"I don't know," Ann Dorland said. "I mean, a detective story keeps your mind engaged. Kind of like chess. Do you play chess?"

"No good at it. I like it—but I keep on thinking about the history of the various pieces, and the picturesqueness of the moves. So I get beaten. I'm not a player."

"No good at it. I like it—but I keep thinking about the history of the different pieces and the beauty of the moves. So I keep getting beaten. I'm not a player."

"Nor am I. I wish I were."

"Neither am I. I wish I were."

"Yes—that would keep one's mind off things with a vengeance. Draughts or dominoes or patience would be even better. No connection with anything. I remember," added Wimsey, "one time when something perfectly grinding and hateful had happened to me. I played patience all day. I was in a nursing home—with shell-shock—and other things. I only played one game, the very simplest ... the demon ... a silly game with no ideas in it at all. I just went on laying it out and gathering it up ... hundred times in an evening ... so as to stop thinking."

"Yeah—that would really help take your mind off things. Playing checkers, dominoes, or solitaire would be even better. No ties to anything. I remember," Wimsey added, "a time when something really terrible and frustrating happened to me. I played solitaire all day. I was in a care home—dealing with shell shock—and other stuff. I only played one game, the simplest one... the demon... a pointless game with no real concepts at all. I just kept laying it out and picking it up... hundreds of times in one evening... just to stop myself from thinking."

"Then you too...."

"Then you also..."

Wimsey waited; but she did not finish the sentence.

Wimsey waited, but she didn’t complete her sentence.

"It's a kind of drug, of course. That's an awfully trite thing to say, but it's quite true."

"It's definitely a type of drug. I know that's a pretty cliché thing to say, but it's really accurate."

"Yes, quite."

"Yeah, definitely."

"I read detective stories too. They were about the only thing I could read. All the others had the war in them—or love ... or some damn thing I didn't want to think about."

"I read detective stories too. They were pretty much the only thing I could read. All the others had the war in them—or love... or some annoying thing I didn't want to think about."

She moved restlessly.

She fidgeted.

"You've been through it, haven't you?" said Wimsey, gently.

"You've been through a lot, haven't you?" said Wimsey softly.

"Me?... well ... all this ... it isn't pleasant, you know ... the police ... and ... and everything."

"Me? Well, all of this isn't great, you know... the police... and everything."

"You're not really worried about the police, are you?"

"You're not actually worried about the police, are you?"

She had cause to be, if she only knew it, but he buried this knowledge at the bottom of his mind, defying it to show itself.

She had every reason to be, if she only realized it, but he pushed this knowledge deep down in his mind, refusing to let it surface.

"Everything's pretty hateful, isn't it?"

"Everything's really negative, right?"

"Something's hurt you ... all right ... don't talk about it if you don't want to ... a man?"

"Something's hurt you... okay... you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to... a guy?"

"It usually is a man, isn't it?"

"It's usually a guy, right?"

Her eyes were turned away from him, and she answered with a kind of shamefaced defiance.

Her eyes were turned away from him, and she replied with a sort of embarrassed defiance.

"Practically always," said Wimsey. "Fortunately, one gets over it."

"Almost always," said Wimsey. "Luckily, you get past it."

"Depends what it is."

"Depends on what it is."

"One gets over everything," repeated Wimsey, firmly. "Particularly if one tells somebody about it."

"Everyone can move on from anything," Wimsey said firmly. "Especially if you talk to someone about it."

"One can't always tell things."

"Sometimes you can't tell things."

"I can't imagine anything really untellable."

"I can't imagine anything that's truly unspeakable."

"Some things are so beastly."

"Some things are so awful."

"Oh, yes—quite a lot of things. Birth is beastly—and death—and digestion, if it comes to that. Sometimes when I think of what's happening inside me to a beautiful suprème de sole, with the caviare in boats, and the croûtons and the jolly little twists of potato and all the gadgets—I could cry. But there it is, don't you know."

"Oh, definitely—so many things. Birth is awful—and death—and digestion, if we’re being honest. Sometimes when I think about what’s happening inside me to a gorgeous suprème de sole, with the caviar in boats, and the croûtons and the cheerful little twists of potato and all the fancy stuff—I could cry. But that’s just how it is, you know."

Ann Dorland suddenly laughed.

Ann Dorland burst out laughing.

"That's better," said Wimsey. "Look here, you've been brooding over this and you're seeing it all out of proportion. Let's be practical and frightfully ordinary. Is it a baby?"

"That's better," said Wimsey. "Listen, you've been mulling over this and you're blowing it all out of proportion. Let's be practical and totally ordinary. Is it a baby?"

"Oh, no!"

"Oh, no!"

"Well—that's rather a good thing, because babies, though no doubt excellent in their way, take a long time and come expensive. Is it blackmail?"

"Well, that's actually a good thing because babies, although they are great in their own way, take a long time and are quite expensive. Is this blackmail?"

"Good heavens, no!"

"Oh my gosh, no!"

"Good. Because blackmail is even longer and more expensive than babies. Is it Freudian, or sadistic, or any of those popular modern amusements?"

"Good. Because blackmail is even longer and more expensive than having kids. Is it Freudian, sadistic, or just one of those trendy modern pastimes?"

"I don't believe you'd turn a hair if it was."

"I don't think you'd react at all if it were."

"Why should I?—I can't think of anything worse to suggest, except what Rose Macaulay refers to as 'nameless orgies.' Or diseases, of course. It's not leprosy or anything?"

"Why should I?—I can't think of anything worse to suggest, except what Rose Macaulay calls 'nameless orgies.' Or diseases, of course. It's not leprosy or anything?"

"What a mind you've got," she said, beginning to laugh. "No, it isn't leprosy."

"What a mind you have," she said, starting to laugh. "No, it's not leprosy."

"Well, what did the blighter do?"

"Well, what did the jerk do?"

Ann Dorland smiled faintly: "It's nothing, really."

Ann Dorland smiled slightly, "It's really nothing."

"If only Heaven prevents Marjorie Phelps from coming in," thought Wimsey, "I'm going to get it now.... It must have been something, to upset you like this," he pursued aloud, "you're not the kind of woman to be upset about nothing."

"If only Heaven keeps Marjorie Phelps from coming in," thought Wimsey, "I'm about to get it now.... It must have been something to upset you like this," he continued aloud, "you're not the kind of woman who gets upset over nothing."

"You don't think I am?" She got up and faced him squarely. "He said ... he said ... I imagined things ... he said ... he said I had a mania about sex. I suppose you would call it Freudian, really," she added hastily, flushing an ugly crimson.

"You don't think I am?" She stood up and faced him directly. "He said ... he said ... I was imagining things ... he said ... he said I had a fixation on sex. I guess you would call it Freudian, actually," she added quickly, blushing a deep crimson.

"Is that all?" said Wimsey. "I know plenty of people who would take that as a compliment.... But obviously you don't. What exact form of mania did he suggest...?"

"Is that it?" Wimsey said. "I know a lot of people who would see that as a compliment.... But clearly you don't. What specific type of madness did he imply...?"

"Oh, the gibbering sort that hangs round church doors for curates," she broke out, fiercely. "It's a lie. He did—he did—pretend to—want me and all that. The beast!... I can't tell you the things he said ... and I'd made such a fool of myself...."

"Oh, the chattering types that loiter around church doors for curates," she exclaimed fiercely. "It's a lie. He did—he did—pretend to—want me and all that. The jerk!... I can't even tell you the things he said ... and I had made such a fool of myself...."

She was back on the couch, crying, with large, ugly, streaming tears, and snorting into the cushions. Wimsey sat down beside her.

She was back on the couch, crying, with big, ugly tears streaming down her face, sniffing into the cushions. Wimsey sat down next to her.

"Poor kid," he said. This, then, was at the back of Marjorie's mysterious hints, and those scratchcat sneers of Naomi Rushworth's. The girl had wanted love-affairs, that was certain; imagined them perhaps. There had been Ambrose Ledbury. Between the normal and the abnormal, the gulf is deep, but so narrow that misrepresentation is made easy.

"Poor kid," he said. This was what lay behind Marjorie's mysterious hints and Naomi Rushworth's sneering comments. It was clear the girl wanted relationships; she might have even imagined them. Then there was Ambrose Ledbury. The gap between what is normal and what is abnormal is vast, yet so small that it's easy for misunderstandings to happen.

"Look here." He put a comforting arm round Ann's heaving shoulders. "This fellow—was it Penberthy, by the way?"

"Look here." He put a reassuring arm around Ann's trembling shoulders. "This guy—was it Penberthy, by the way?"

"How did you know?"

"How did you find out?"

"Oh!—the portrait, and lots of things. The things you liked once, and then wanted to hide away and forget. He's a rotter, anyway, for saying that kind of thing—even if it was true, which it isn't. You got to know him at the Rushworth's, I take it—when?"

"Oh!—the portrait, and a lot of things. The things you once liked and then wanted to stash away and forget. He's a jerk, anyway, for saying that kind of thing—even if it was true, which it isn't. You got to know him at the Rushworth's, I assume—when?"

"Nearly two years ago."

"Almost two years ago."

"Were you keen on him then?"

"Were you into him back then?"

"No. I—well, I was keen on somebody else. Only that was a mistake too. He—he was one of those people, you know."

"No. I—well, I liked someone else. But that was a mistake too. He—he was one of those people, you know."

"They can't help themselves," said Wimsey, soothingly. "When did the change-over happen?"

"They can't help it," Wimsey said gently. "When did the change take place?"

"The other man went away. And later on, Dr. Penberthy—oh! I don't know! He walked home with me once or twice, and then he asked me to dine with him—in Soho."

"The other man left. Later, Dr. Penberthy—oh! I don't know! He walked home with me a couple of times, and then he invited me to dinner with him—in Soho."

"Had you at that time told any one about this comic will of Lady Dormer's?"

"Did you mention Lady Dormer's funny will to anyone at that time?"

"Of course not. How could I? I never knew anything about it till after she died."

"Of course not. How could I? I didn't know anything about it until after she passed away."

Her surprise sounded genuine enough.

Her surprise seemed genuinely authentic.

"What did you think? Did you think the money would come to you?"

"What did you think? Did you think the money would just come to you?"

"I knew that some of it would; Auntie told me she would see me provided for."

"I knew some of it would; Auntie told me she would make sure I was taken care of."

"There were the grandsons, of course."

"There were the grandsons, of course."

"Yes; I thought she would leave most of it to them. It's a pity she didn't, poor dear. Then there wouldn't have been all this dreadful bother."

"Yeah; I thought she would leave most of it to them. It’s a shame she didn’t, poor thing. Then there wouldn’t have been all this terrible hassle."

"People so often seem to lose their heads when they make wills. So you were a sort of dark horse at that time. H'm. Did this precious Penberthy ask you to marry him?"

"People often seem to lose their minds when they make wills. So you were kind of an underdog back then. H'm. Did this precious Penberthy propose to you?"

"I thought he did. But he says he didn't. We talked about founding his clinic; I was to help him."

"I thought he did. But he says he didn't. We talked about starting his clinic; I was supposed to help him."

"And that was when you chucked painting for books about medicine and first-aid classes. Did your aunt know about the engagement?"

"And that was when you gave up painting for books about medicine and first-aid classes. Did your aunt know about the engagement?"

"He didn't want her told. It was to be our secret, till he got a better position. He was afraid she might think he was after the money."

"He didn't want her to know. It was supposed to be our secret until he found a better job. He was worried she might think he was only after the money."

"I daresay he was."

"I bet he was."

"He made out he was fond of me," she said, miserably.

"He pretended to like me," she said, miserably.

"Of course, my dear child; your case is not unique. Didn't you tell any of your friends?"

"Of course, my dear child; your situation isn't unique. Didn't you talk to any of your friends?"

"No." Wimsey reflected that the Ledbury episode had probably left a scar. Besides—did women tell things to other women? He had long doubted it.

"No." Wimsey thought about the Ledbury incident and realized it had probably left a mark. Besides—did women really share things with other women? He had often questioned that.

"You were still engaged when Lady Dormer died, I take it?"

"You were still engaged when Lady Dormer passed away, right?"

"As engaged as we ever were. Of course, he told me that there was something funny about the body. He said you and the Fentimans were trying to defraud me of the money. I shouldn't have minded for myself—it was more money than I should have known what to do with. But it would have meant the clinic, you see."

"As involved as we’ve always been. He mentioned that there was something off about the body. He claimed you and the Fentimans were trying to trick me out of my money. I wouldn’t have cared for myself—it was more cash than I knew what to do with. But it would have meant the clinic, you know."

"Yes, you could start a pretty decent clinic with half a million. So that was why you shot me out of the house."

"Yeah, you could definitely set up a pretty good clinic with half a million. So that’s why you kicked me out of the house."

He grinned—and then reflected a few moments.

He smiled—and then thought for a few moments.

"Look here," he said, "I'm going to give you a bit of a shock, but it'll have to come sooner or later. Has it ever occurred to you that it was Penberthy who murdered General Fentiman?"

"Listen," he said, "I'm going to drop a bombshell on you, but it has to come out eventually. Have you ever thought that it was Penberthy who killed General Fentiman?"

"I—wondered," she said, slowly. "I couldn't think—who else—But you know they suspect me?"

"I was wondering," she said slowly. "I couldn't think of anyone else—but you know they suspect me?"

"Oh, well—cui bono and all that—they couldn't overlook you. They have to suspect every possible person, you know."

"Oh, well—cui bono and all that—they couldn't ignore you. They have to suspect everyone, you know."

"I don't blame them at all. But I didn't, you know."

"I don't blame them at all. But I didn't, you know."

"Of course not. It was Penberthy. I look at it like this. Penberthy wanted money; he was sick of being poor, and he knew you would be certain to get some of Lady Dormer's money. He'd probably heard about the family quarrel with the General, and expected it would be the lot. So he started to make your acquaintance. But he was careful. He asked you to keep it quiet—just in case, you see. The money might be so tied up that you couldn't give it to him, or you might lose it if you married, or it might only be quite a small annuity, in which case he'd want to look for somebody richer."

"Of course not. It was Penberthy. I see it this way: Penberthy wanted money; he was tired of being broke, and he knew you would definitely get some of Lady Dormer's cash. He probably heard about the family feud with the General and thought that it would be the whole inheritance. So, he started to get to know you. But he was cautious. He asked you to keep it under wraps—just in case, you know. The money might be so tied up that you couldn't give it to him, or you might lose it if you married, or it might just be a small annuity, in which case he'd want to look for someone wealthier."

"We considered those points when we talked it over about the clinic."

"We thought about those points when we discussed the clinic."

"Yes. Well, then, Lady Dormer fell ill. The General went round and heard about the legacy that was coming to him. And then he toddled along to Penberthy, feeling very groggy, and promptly told him all about it. You can imagine him saying: 'You've got to patch me up long enough to get the money.' That must have been a nasty jar for Penberthy."

"Yes. So, Lady Dormer got sick. The General found out about the inheritance that was coming his way. Then he slowly made his way to Penberthy, feeling pretty out of it, and immediately told him everything. You can picture him saying, 'You've got to fix me up just enough to get the money.' That must have been quite a shock for Penberthy."

"It was. You see, he didn't even hear about my twelve thousand."

"It was. You see, he didn’t even hear about my twelve thousand."

"Oh?"

"Oh?"

"No. Apparently what the General said was, 'If only I last out poor Felicity, all the money comes to me. Otherwise it goes to the girl and my boys only get seven thousand apiece.' That was why——"

"No. Apparently, what the General said was, 'If I can just outlast poor Felicity, all the money comes to me. Otherwise, it goes to the girl, and my boys only get seven thousand each.' That was why——"

"Just a moment. When did Penberthy tell you about that?"

"Hold on a second. When did Penberthy mention that to you?"

"Why, later—when he said I was to compromise with the Fentimans."

"Why, later—when he said I was supposed to compromise with the Fentimans."

"That explains it. I wondered why you gave in so suddenly. I thought, then, that you—Well, anyhow, Penberthy hears this, and gets the brilliant idea of putting General Fentiman out of the way. So he gives him a slow-working kind of a pill——"

"That makes sense. I was curious why you gave in so quickly. I thought, then, that you—Well, anyway, Penberthy overhears this and gets the clever idea to get rid of General Fentiman. So he gives him a slow-acting kind of pill——"

"Probably a powder in a very tough capsule that would take a long time to digest."

"Probably a powder in a really tough capsule that would take a long time to break down."

"Good idea. Yes, very likely. And then the General, instead of heading straight for home, as he expected, goes off to the Club and dies there. And then Robert——"

"Good idea. Yeah, probably. And then the General, instead of going straight home like he thought he would, heads to the Club and dies there. And then Robert——"

He explained in detail what Robert had done, and resumed.

He explained in detail what Robert had done and continued.

"Well, now—Penberthy was in a bad fix. If he drew attention at the time to the peculiar appearance of the corpse, he couldn't reasonably give a certificate. In which case there would be a post-mortem and an analysis, and the digitalin would be found. If he kept quiet, the money might be lost and all his trouble would be wasted. Maddenin' for him, wasn't it? So he did what he could. He put the time of the death as early as he dared, and hoped for the best."

"Well, now—Penberthy was in a tough spot. If he pointed out the strange look of the corpse, he couldn't realistically issue a death certificate. That would mean an autopsy and a toxicology report, and they'd find the digitalin. If he stayed silent, the money could be lost, and all his effort would be for nothing. Quite the dilemma for him, wasn’t it? So he did what he could. He recorded the time of death as early as he safely could and hoped for the best."

"He told me he thought there would be some attempt to make it seem later than it really was. I thought it was you who were trying to hush everything up. And I was so furious that of course I told Mr. Pritchard to have a proper inquiry made and on no account to compromise."

"He told me he thought there would be some effort to make it seem later than it really was. I thought it was you who was trying to cover everything up. And I was so angry that of course I told Mr. Pritchard to conduct a proper investigation and under no circumstances to compromise."

"Thank God you did," said Wimsey.

"Thank God you did," Wimsey said.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"I'll tell you presently. But Penberthy now—I can't think why he didn't persuade you to compromise. That would have made him absolutely safe."

"I'll let you know soon. But about Penberthy—I'm not sure why he didn't convince you to reach a compromise. That would have kept him completely safe."

"But he did! That's what started our first quarrel. As soon as he heard about it, he said I was a fool not to compromise. I couldn't understand his saying that, since he himself had said there was something wrong. We had a fearful row. That was the time I mentioned the twelve thousand that was coming to me anyway."

"But he really did! That's what kicked off our first argument. The moment he found out about it, he called me a fool for not compromising. I couldn't get why he said that because he had admitted there was something off. We had a huge fight. That was when I brought up the twelve thousand that was coming to me anyway."

"What did he say?"

"What did he say?"

"'I didn't know that.' Just like that. And then he apologized and said that the law was so uncertain, it would be best to agree to divide the money anyhow. So I rang up Mr. Pritchard and told him not to make any more fuss. And we were friends again."

"'I didn't know that.' Just like that. Then he apologized and said that the law was so unclear, it would be better to just agree to split the money anyway. So I called Mr. Pritchard and told him not to cause any more trouble. And we were friends again."

"Was it the day after that, that Penberthy—er—said things to you?"

"Was it the day after that when Penberthy—uh—said things to you?"

"Yes."

Yes.

"Right. Then I can tell you one thing: he would never have been so brutal if he hadn't been in fear of his life. Do you know what had happened in between?"

"Okay. So let me tell you this: he wouldn’t have acted so aggressively if he hadn’t been scared for his life. Do you know what happened during that time?"

She shook her head.

She shook her head.

"I had been on the phone to him, and told him there was going to be an autopsy."

"I was on the phone with him and told him there would be an autopsy."

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

"Yes—listen—you needn't worry any more about it. He knew the poison would be discovered, and that if he was known to be engaged to you, he was absolutely bound to be suspected. So he hurried to cut the connection with you—purely in self-defense."

"Yeah—listen—you don’t have to worry about it anymore. He knew that the poison would be found out, and if it was known that he was engaged to you, he would definitely be suspected. So he rushed to end things with you—just out of self-defense."

"But why do it in that brutal way?"

"But why do it like that?"

"Because, my dear, he knew that that particular accusation would be the very last thing a girl of your sort would tell people about. He made it absolutely impossible for you to claim him publicly. And he bolstered it up by engaging himself to the Rushworth female."

"Because, my dear, he knew that the specific accusation would be the very last thing a girl like you would share with others. He made it completely impossible for you to publicly claim him. And he reinforced this by getting engaged to the Rushworth woman."

"He didn't care how I suffered."

"He didn't care how I suffered."

"He was in a beast of a hole," said Wimsey, apologetically. "Mind you, it was a perfectly diabolical thing to do. I daresay he's feeling pretty rotten about it."

"He was in a really tough spot," said Wimsey, apologetically. "Just saying, it was a completely awful thing to do. I bet he's feeling pretty terrible about it."

Ann Dorland clenched her hands.

Ann Dorland tightened her fists.

"I've been so horribly ashamed——"

"I'm so embarrassed——"

"Well, you aren't any more, are you?"

"Well, you’re not anymore, are you?"

"No—but——" A thought seemed to strike her. "Lord Peter—I can't prove a word of this. Everybody will think I was in league with him. And they'll think that our quarrel and his getting engaged to Naomi was just a put-up job between us to get us both out of a difficulty."

"No—but——" A thought seemed to hit her. "Lord Peter—I can’t prove any of this. Everyone will assume I was in on it with him. And they’ll believe that our fight and his getting engaged to Naomi was just a scheme between us to get out of a tough spot."

"You've got brains," said Wimsey, admiringly. "Now you see why I thanked God you'd been so keen on an inquiry at first. Pritchard can make it pretty certain that you weren't an accessory before the fact, anyhow."

"You've got brains," Wimsey said with admiration. "Now you see why I was grateful that you were so eager to take part in the investigation from the start. Pritchard can help confirm that you weren't involved beforehand, at least."

"Of course—so he can. Oh, I'm so glad! I am so glad." She burst into excited sobs and clutched Wimsey's hand. "I wrote him a letter—right at the beginning—saying I'd read about a case in which they'd proved the time of somebody's death by looking into his stomach, and asking if General Fentiman couldn't be dug up."

"Of course—he can. Oh, I'm so happy! I am so happy." She broke into excited tears and grabbed Wimsey's hand. "I wrote him a letter—right at the beginning—saying I’d read about a case where they figured out the time of someone's death by examining their stomach, and asking if General Fentiman could be exhumed."

"Did you? Splendid girl! You have got a head on your shoulders!... No, I observe that it's on my shoulders. Go on. Have a real, good howl—I feel rather like howling myself. I've been quite worried about it all. But it's all right now, isn't it?"

"Did you? Awesome girl! You really have your head on straight!... No, I see that it’s on my shoulders. Go ahead. Let it all out—I kind of feel like shouting too. I've been pretty worried about everything. But it’s all good now, right?"

"I am a fool ... but I'm so thankful you came."

"I’m such a fool ... but I’m really glad you showed up."

"So am I. Here, have a hanky. Poor old dear!... Hullo! there's Marjorie."

"So am I. Here, take a tissue. Poor thing!... Hey! There's Marjorie."

He released her and went out to meet Marjorie Phelps at the door.

He let her go and went outside to meet Marjorie Phelps at the door.

"Lord Peter! Good lord!"

"Wow, Lord Peter!"

"Thank you, Marjorie," said Wimsey, gravely.

"Thank you, Marjorie," Wimsey said seriously.

"No, but listen! Have you seen Ann?—I took her away. She's frightfully queer—and there's a policeman outside. But whatever she's done, I couldn't leave her alone in that awful house. You haven't come to—to——"

"No, but listen! Have you seen Ann?—I took her away. She's really strange—and there's a policeman outside. But whatever she's done, I couldn't leave her alone in that terrible house. You haven't come to—to——"

"Marjorie!" said Wimsey, "don't you ever talk to me again about feminine intuition. You've been thinking all this time that that girl was suffering from guilty conscience. Well, she wasn't. It was a man, my child—a MAN!"

"Marjorie!" said Wimsey, "don't ever bring up feminine intuition with me again. You've been thinking this whole time that that girl was feeling guilty. Well, she wasn't. It was a man, my dear—a MAN!"

"How do you know?"

"How do you know that?"

"My experienced eye told me as much at the first glance. It's all right now. Sorrow and sighing have fled away. I am going to take your young friend out to dinner."

"My experienced eye saw this right away. Everything is fine now. Sadness and sighs have disappeared. I'm going to take your young friend out to dinner."

"But why didn't she tell me what it was all about?"

"But why didn't she tell me what it was all about?"

"Because," said Wimsey, mincingly, "it wasn't the kind of thing one woman tells another."

"Because," said Wimsey, in a delicate manner, "it wasn't the sort of thing one woman shares with another."


CHAPTER XXI

Lord Peter Calls A Bluff

Lord Peter Calls a Bluff

"It is new to me," said Lord Peter, glancing from the back window of the taxi at the other taxi which was following them, "to be shadowed by the police, but it amuses them and doesn't hurt us."

"It’s new to me," said Lord Peter, looking out the back window of the taxi at the other taxi trailing them, "to be followed by the police, but it makes them happy and doesn’t bother us."

He was revolving ways and means of proof in his mind. Unhappily, all the evidence in favor of Ann Dorland was evidence against her as well—except, indeed, the letter to Pritchard. Damn Penberthy. The best that could be hoped for now was that the girl should escape from public inquiry with a verdict of 'Not proven.' Even if acquitted—even if never charged with the murder—she would always be suspect. The question was not one which could be conveniently settled by a brilliant flash of deductive logic, or the discovery of a blood-stained thumb-mark. It was a case for lawyers to argue—for a weighing of the emotional situation by twelve good and lawful persons. Presumably the association could be proved—the couple had met and dined together; probably the quarrel could be proved—but what next? Would a jury believe in the cause of the quarrel? Would they think it a pre-arranged blind, or perhaps—or mistake it for the falling-out of rogues among themselves? What would they think of this plain, sulky, inarticulate girl, who had never had any real friends, and whose clumsy and tentative graspings after passion had been so obscure, so disastrous?

He was thinking about ways to prove his point. Unfortunately, all the evidence supporting Ann Dorland also pointed against her—except, of course, the letter to Pritchard. Damn Penberthy. The best outcome now would be for the girl to escape public scrutiny with a verdict of 'Not proven.' Even if she was acquitted—even if she was never charged with murder—she would always be a suspect. This issue couldn't be easily resolved with a clever insight or the discovery of a bloody thumbprint. It required lawyers to argue the case and for a group of twelve fair-minded jurors to consider the emotional aspects. The connection could presumably be established—they had met and dined together; the argument could likely be proved—but then what? Would a jury believe the reason behind the quarrel? Would they see it as a pre-arranged setup, or perhaps mistake it for a falling out among thieves? What would they make of this plain, sullen, inarticulate girl, who had never really had friends, and whose awkward attempts at passion had been so unclear and so tragic?

Penberthy, too—but Penberthy was easier to understand. Penberthy, cynical and bored with poverty, found himself in contact with this girl, who might be so well-off some day. And Penberthy, the physician, would not mistake the need for passion that made the girl such easy stuff to work on. So he carried on—bored with the girl, of course—keeping it all secret, till he saw which way the cat was going to jump. Then the old man—the truth about the will—the opportunity. And then, upsettingly, Robert.... Would the jury see it like that?

Penberthy, too—but he was easier to get. Cynical and tired of being broke, Penberthy found himself interacting with this girl, who might end up being wealthy one day. As a doctor, he recognized the girl's need for passion, which made her an easy target for him. So he went along with it—bored with her, of course—keeping everything under wraps until he figured out the direction things were headed. Then came the old man—the truth about the will—the opportunity. And then, frustratingly, Robert.... Would the jury see it that way?

Wimsey leaned out of the cab window and told the driver to go to the Savoy. When they arrived, he handed the girl over to the cloak-room attendant. "I'm going up to change," he added, and turning, had the pleasure of seeing his sleuth arguing with the porter in the entrance-hall.

Wimsey leaned out of the cab window and told the driver to head to the Savoy. When they arrived, he handed the girl over to the cloakroom attendant. "I'm going upstairs to change," he added, and turning, enjoyed seeing his detective arguing with the porter in the entrance hall.

Bunter, previously summoned by telephone, was already in attendance with his master's dress clothes. Having changed, Wimsey passed through the hall again. The sleuth was there, quietly waiting. Wimsey grinned at him, and offered him a drink.

Bunter, who had been called earlier on the phone, was already there with his master's dress clothes. After changing, Wimsey walked through the hall again. The detective was there, waiting calmly. Wimsey smiled at him and offered him a drink.

"I can't help it, my lord," said the detective.

"I can't help it, my lord," said the detective.

"Of course not; you've sent for a bloke in a boiled shirt to take your place, I suppose?"

"Of course not; I guess you've called in a guy in a dress shirt to take your spot, right?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Yes, my lord."

"More power to his elbow. So long."

More power to him. See you later.

He rejoined his charge and they went into the dining-room. Dressed in a green which did not suit her, she was undoubtedly plain. But she had character; he was not ashamed of her. He offered her the menu.

He rejoined his responsibility and they went into the dining room. Dressed in a green that didn’t suit her, she was definitely plain. But she had personality; he wasn’t embarrassed by her. He offered her the menu.

"What shall it be?" he asked. "Lobster and champagne?"

"What do you want?" he asked. "Lobster and champagne?"

She laughed at him.

She laughed at him.

"Marjorie says you are an authority on food. I don't believe authorities on food ever take lobster and champagne. Anyway, I don't like lobster, much. Surely there's something they do best here, isn't there? Let's have that."

"Marjorie says you know a lot about food. I don't think food experts ever have lobster and champagne. Anyway, I don't really like lobster. Surely there's something they do really well here, right? Let's order that."

"You show the right spirit," said Wimsey. "I will compose a dinner for you."

"You have the right attitude," said Wimsey. "I'll plan a dinner for you."

He called the head waiter, and went into the question scientifically.

He called the head waiter and approached the issue methodically.

"Huîtres Musgrave—I am opposed on principle to the cooking of oysters—but it is a dish so excellent that one may depart from the rules in its favor. Fried in their shells, Miss Dorland, with little strips of bacon. Shall we try it?—The soup must be Tortue Vraie, of course. The fish—oh! just a Filet de Sole, the merest mouthful, a hyphen between the prologue and the main theme."

Musgrave Oysters—I’m against the idea of cooking oysters on principle—but this dish is so outstanding that it’s worth bending the rules for it. Fried in their shells, Miss Dorland, with small strips of bacon. Should we give it a try?—The soup has to be True Turtle, of course. For the fish—oh! just a Sole Fillet, barely a mouthful, a bridge between the introduction and the main course.

"That all sounds delightful. And what is the main theme to be?"

"That all sounds great. What’s the main theme?"

"I think a Faisan Rôti with Pommes Byron. And a salad to promote digestion. And, waiter—be sure the salad is dry and perfectly crisp. A Soufflé Glace to finish up with. And bring me the wine-list."

"I’d like a Roast Pheasant with Byron Potatoes. And a salad to help with digestion. And, waiter—make sure the salad is dry and super crispy. A Frozen Soufflé to wrap things up. And please bring me the wine list."

They talked. When she was not on the defensive, the girl was pleasant enough in manner; a trifle downright and aggressive, perhaps, in her opinions, but needing only mellowing.

They talked. When she wasn't on the defensive, the girl was quite nice to be around; a bit straightforward and assertive in her opinions, maybe, but she just needed to soften a little.

"What do you think of the Romanée Conti?" he asked, suddenly.

"What do you think of the Romanée Conti?" he asked, out of the blue.

"I don't know much about wine. It's good. Not sweet, like Sauterne. It's a little—well—harsh. But it's harsh without being thin—quite different from that horrid Chianti people always seem to drink at Chelsea parties."

"I don't know much about wine. It's good. Not sweet, like Sauterne. It's a little—well—harsh. But it's harsh without being thin—quite different from that awful Chianti people always seem to drink at Chelsea parties."

"You're right; it's rather unfinished, but it has plenty of body—it'll be a grand wine in ten years' time. It's 1915. Now, you see. Waiter, take this away and bring me a bottle of the 1908."

"You're right; it's a bit rough around the edges, but it has a lot of character—it'll be an amazing wine in ten years. It's 1915. Now, you see. Waiter, take this away and bring me a bottle of the 1908."

He leaned towards his companion.

He leaned in towards his friend.

"Miss Dorland—may I be impertinent?"

"Miss Dorland—can I be rude?"

"How? Why?"

"How? Why?"

"Not an artist, not a bohemian, and not a professional man;—a man of the world."

"Not an artist, not a bohemian, and not a businessman;—a man of the world."

"What do you mean by those cryptic words?"

"What do you mean by those confusing words?"

"For you. That is the kind of man who is going to like you very much. Look! that wine I've sent away—it's no good for a champagne-and-lobster sort of person, nor for very young people—it's too big and rough. But it's got the essential guts. So have you. It takes a fairly experienced palate to appreciate it. But you and it will come into your own one day. Get me?"

"For you. That’s the kind of guy who is really going to like you. Look! That wine I sent away—it’s not right for someone into champagne and lobster, or for very young people—it’s too bold and harsh. But it’s got the real depth. So do you. It takes a pretty seasoned palate to appreciate it. But you and that wine will shine one day. Got it?"

"Do you think so?"

"Do you really think that?"

"Yes. But your man won't be at all the sort of person you're expecting. You have always thought of being dominated by somebody, haven't you?"

"Yes. But the guy you have in mind won't be anything like what you expect. You've always imagined being dominated by someone, right?"

"Well——"

"Well..."

"But you'll find that yours will be the leading brain of the two. He will take great pride in the fact. And you will find the man reliable and kind, and it will turn out quite well."

"But you'll see that yours will be the smarter one of the two. He will take great pride in that. And you'll find him to be dependable and nice, and everything will work out just fine."

"I didn't know you were a prophet."

"I didn't know you could predict the future."

"I am, though."

"I'm here, though."

Wimsey took the bottle of 1908 from the waiter and glanced over the girl's head at the door. A man in a boiled shirt was making his way in, accompanied by the manager.

Wimsey grabbed the bottle of 1908 from the waiter and looked over the girl's head at the door. A guy in a formal shirt was walking in, alongside the manager.

"I am a prophet," said Wimsey. "Listen. Something tiresome is going to happen—now, this minute. But don't worry. Drink your wine, and trust."

"I’m a prophet," said Wimsey. "Listen. Something annoying is about to happen—right now, this minute. But don’t worry. Enjoy your wine, and just trust me."

The manager had brought the man to their table. It was Parker.

The manager had brought the guy to their table. It was Parker.

"Ah!" said Wimsey, brightly. "You'll forgive our starting without you, old man. Sit down. I think you know Miss Dorland."

"Ah!" Wimsey said cheerfully. "Hope you don’t mind us getting started without you, my friend. Have a seat. I believe you know Miss Dorland."

"Have you come to arrest me?" asked Ann.

"Are you here to arrest me?" Ann asked.

"Just to ask you to come down to the Yard with me," said Parker, smiling pleasantly and unfolding his napkin.

"Just wanted to ask you to come down to the Yard with me," said Parker, smiling warmly and unfolding his napkin.

Ann looked palely at Wimsey, and took a gulp of the wine.

Ann looked pale at Wimsey and took a sip of the wine.

"Right," said Wimsey. "Miss Dorland has quite a lot to tell you. After dinner will suit us charmingly. What will you have?"

"Sure," said Wimsey. "Miss Dorland has quite a bit to share with you. After dinner would be perfect for us. What do you want?"

Parker, who was not imaginative, demanded a grilled steak.

Parker, who wasn’t very creative, ordered a grilled steak.

"Shall we find any other friends at the Yard?" pursued Wimsey.

"Are we going to find any other friends at the Yard?" asked Wimsey.

"Possibly," said Parker.

"Maybe," said Parker.

"Well, cheer up! You put me off my food, looking so grim. Hullo! Yes, waiter, what is it?"

"Well, cheer up! You turned me off my food with that gloomy face. Hey! Yes, waiter, what’s up?"

"Excuse me, my lord; is this gentleman Detective-Inspector Parker?"

"Excuse me, sir; is this man Detective Inspector Parker?"

"Yes, yes," said Parker, "what's the matter?"

"Yeah, what's going on?" Parker asked.

"You're wanted on the 'phone, sir."

"Someone's on the phone for you, sir."

Parker departed.

Parker left.

"It's all right," said Wimsey to the girl. "I know you're straight, and I'll damn well see you through."

"It's okay," Wimsey said to the girl. "I know you're honest, and I've got your back."

"What am I to do?"

"What should I do?"

"Tell the truth."

"Speak the truth."

"It sounds so silly."

"It sounds really silly."

"They've heard lots of very much sillier stories than that."

"They've heard a lot of much sillier stories than that."

"But—I don't want to—to be the one to——"

"But—I don't want to be the one to—"

"You're still fond of him, then?"

"Still into him, huh?"

"No!—but I'd rather it wasn't me."

"No!—but I wish it weren't me."

"I'll be frank with you. I think it's going to be between you and him that suspicion will lie."

"I'll be honest with you. I believe the suspicion will be between you and him."

"In that case"—she set her teeth—"he can have what's coming to him."

"In that case," she gritted her teeth, "he can get what he deserves."

"Thank the lord! I thought you were going to be noble and self-sacrificing and tiresome. You know. Like the people whose noble motives are misunderstood in chapter one and who get dozens of people tangled up in their miserable affairs till the family lawyer solves everything on the last page but two."

"Thank goodness! I thought you were going to be all noble and self-sacrificing and just a hassle. You know, like those people whose good intentions get misinterpreted in chapter one and end up dragging a bunch of people into their miserable drama until the family lawyer sorts everything out on the second to last page."

Parker had come back from the telephone.

Parker had returned from the phone.

"Just a moment!" He spoke in Peter's ear.

"Just a second!" he whispered in Peter's ear.

"Hullo?"

"Hello?"

"Look here; this is awkward. George Fentiman——"

"Look, this is awkward. George Fentiman——"

"Yes?"

"What's up?"

"He's been found in Clerkenwell."

"He's been found in Clerkenwell."

"Clerkenwell?"

"Clerkenwell?"

"Yes; must have wandered back by 'bus or something. He's at the police-station; in fact he's given himself up."

"Yeah; he must have come back by bus or something. He's at the police station; in fact, he turned himself in."

"Good lord!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"For the murder of his grandfather."

"For the murder of his grandfather."

"The devil he has!"

"He's got the devil!"

"It's a nuisance; of course it must be looked into. I think perhaps I'd better put off interrogating Dorland and Penberthy. What are you doing with the girl, by the way?"

"It's a hassle; of course it needs to be addressed. I think I might as well delay questioning Dorland and Penberthy. By the way, what are you doing with the girl?"

"I'll explain later. Look here—I'll take Miss Dorland back to Marjorie Phelps' place, and then come along and join you. The girl won't run away; I know that. And anyhow, you've got a man looking after her."

"I'll explain later. Just listen—I'll take Miss Dorland back to Marjorie Phelps' place, and then I'll come join you. The girl won't run away; I know that. Besides, you've got someone looking after her."

"Yes, I rather wish you would come with me; Fentiman is pretty queer, by all accounts. We've sent for his wife."

"Yeah, I really wish you would come with me; Fentiman is pretty strange, from what I've heard. We've called for his wife."

"Right. You buzz off, and I'll join you in—say in three quarters of an hour. What address? Oh, yes, righty-ho! Sorry you're missing your dinner."

"Okay. You head out, and I'll catch up with you in—let's say about 45 minutes. What's the address? Oh, right! Sorry you’re missing your dinner."

"It's all in the day's work," growled Parker, and took his leave.

"It's all part of the job," Parker grumbled, and walked away.


George Fentiman greeted them with a tired white smile.

George Fentiman welcomed them with a weary white smile.

"Hush!" he said. "I've told them all about it. He's asleep; don't wake him."

"Hush!" he said. "I've told them all about it. He's asleep; don't wake him."

"Who's asleep, dearest?" said Sheila.

"Who’s asleep, sweetheart?" said Sheila.

"I mustn't say the name," said George, cunningly. "He'd hear it—even in his sleep—even if you whispered it. But he's tired, and he nodded off. So I ran in here and told them all about it while he snored."

"I can’t say his name," George said slyly. "He’d hear it—even in his sleep—even if you whispered it. But he's worn out, and he fell asleep. So I came in here and told everyone while he snored."

The police superintendent tapped his forehead significantly behind Sheila's back.

The police superintendent tapped his forehead meaningfully behind Sheila's back.

"Has he made any statement?" asked Parker.

"Has he said anything?" asked Parker.

"Yes, he insisted on writing it himself. Here it is. Of course...." the Superintendent shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, he was adamant about writing it himself. Here it is. Of course...." the Superintendent shrugged his shoulders.

"That's all right," said George. "I'm getting sleepy myself. I've been watching him for a day and a night, you know. I'm going to bed. Sheila—it's time to go to bed."

"That's fine," George said. "I'm getting sleepy too. I've been watching him for a whole day and night, you know. I'm heading to bed. Sheila—it's time to hit the sack."

"Yes, dear."

"Sure, hon."

"We'll have to keep him here to-night, I suppose," muttered Parker. "Has the doctor seen him?"

"We'll have to keep him here tonight, I guess," muttered Parker. "Has the doctor checked on him?"

"We've sent for him, sir."

"We've called for him, sir."

"Well, Mrs. Fentiman, I think if you'd take your husband into the room the officer will show you, that would be the best way. And we'll send the doctor in to you when he arrives. Perhaps it would be as well that he should see his own medical man too. Whom would you like us to send for?"

"Well, Mrs. Fentiman, I think it would be best if you took your husband into the room the officer will show you. We'll send the doctor in as soon as he arrives. It might be a good idea for him to see his own doctor as well. Who would you like us to call?"

"Dr. Penberthy has vetted him from time to time, I think," put in Wimsey, suddenly. "Why not send for him?"

"Dr. Penberthy has checked him out from time to time, I think," Wimsey suddenly suggested. "Why not bring him in?"

Parker gasped involuntarily.

Parker gasped without meaning to.

"He might be able to throw some light on the symptoms," said Wimsey, in a rigid voice.

"He might be able to shed some light on the symptoms," said Wimsey, in a stiff voice.

Parker nodded.

Parker agreed.

"A good idea," he agreed. He moved to the telephone. George smiled as his wife put her arm about his shoulder.

"A good idea," he agreed. He walked over to the phone. George smiled as his wife put her arm around his shoulder.

"Tired," he said, "very tired. Off to bed, old girl."

"Tired," he said, "really tired. Headed to bed, old girl."

A police-constable opened the door to them, and they started through it together; George leaned heavily on Sheila; his feet dragged.

A police officer opened the door for them, and they stepped through it together; George leaned heavily on Sheila; his feet dragged.

"Let's have a look at his statement," said Parker.

"Let's take a look at his statement," said Parker.

It was written in a staggering handwriting, much blotted and erased, with words left out and repeated here and there.

It was written in an uneven handwriting, heavily blotted and crossed out, with words missing and repeated in some places.

"I am making this statement quickly while he is asleep, because if I wait he may wake up and stop me. You will say I was moved and seduced by instigation of but what they will not understand is that he is me and I am him. I killed my grandfather by giving him digitalin. I did not remember it till I saw the name on the bottle, but they have been looking for me ever since, so I know that he must have done it. That is why they began following me about, but he is very clever and misleads them. When he is awake. We were dancing all last night and that is why he is tired. He told me to smash the bottle so that you shouldn't find out, but they know I was the last person to see him. He is very cunning, but if you creep on him quickly now that he is asleep you will be able to bind him in chains and cast him into the pit and then I shall be able to sleep.

"I’m writing this quickly while he’s asleep, because if I wait, he might wake up and stop me. You might think I was influenced and seduced, but what they won’t understand is that he is me and I am him. I killed my grandfather by giving him digitalin. I didn’t remember it until I saw the name on the bottle, but they have been searching for me ever since, so I know he must have done it. That’s why they started following me around, but he’s very clever and tricks them when he’s awake. We were dancing all last night, and that’s why he’s tired. He told me to smash the bottle so you wouldn’t find out, but they know I was the last person to see him. He’s very cunning, but if you sneak up on him now that he’s asleep, you'll be able to bind him in chains and throw him into the pit, and then I’ll finally be able to sleep."

"George Fentiman."

"George Fentiman."

"Off his head, poor devil," said Parker. "We can't pay much attention to this. What did he say to you, superintendent?"

"Off his head, poor guy," said Parker. "We can't focus too much on this. What did he say to you, superintendent?"

"He just came in, sir, and said 'I'm George Fentiman and I've come to tell you about how I killed my grandfather.' So I questioned him, and he rambled a good bit and then he asked for a pen and paper to make his statement. I thought he ought to be detained, and I rang up the Yard, sir."

"He just walked in, sir, and said, 'I'm George Fentiman, and I want to tell you how I killed my grandfather.' So I asked him some questions, and he went on a bit, then he asked for a pen and paper to write his statement. I thought he should be held for a while, so I called the Yard, sir."

"Quite right," said Parker.

"Exactly," said Parker.

The door opened and Sheila came out.

The door opened, and Sheila stepped out.

"He's fallen asleep," she said. "It's the old trouble come back again. He thinks he's the devil, you know. He's been like that twice before," she added, simply. "I'll go back to him till the doctors come."

"He's fallen asleep," she said. "The old trouble is back again. He thinks he's the devil, you know. He's been like this two times before," she added, simply. "I'll go back to him until the doctors arrive."

The police-surgeon arrived first and went in; then, after a wait of a quarter of an hour, Penberthy came. He looked worried, and greeted Wimsey abruptly. Then he, too, went into the inner room. The others stood vaguely about, and were presently joined by Robert Fentiman, whom an urgent summons had traced to a friend's house.

The police surgeon arrived first and went inside; then, after waiting for about fifteen minutes, Penberthy showed up. He looked anxious and gave Wimsey a quick greeting before going into the inner room. The others hung around aimlessly until Robert Fentiman arrived, having been urgently called away from a friend's house.

Presently the two doctors came out again.

Presently, the two doctors came out again.

"Nervous shock with well-marked delusions," said the police-surgeon, briefly. "Probably be all right to-morrow. Sleeping it off now. Been this way before, I understand. Just so. A hundred years ago they'd have called it diabolic possession, but we know better."

"Nervous shock with clear delusions," said the police surgeon, briefly. "They'll probably be fine by tomorrow. They're just sleeping it off now. I hear it's happened before. Just like that. A hundred years ago, they would have called it demonic possession, but we know better."

"Yes," said Parker, "but do you think he is under a delusion in saying he murdered his grandfather? Or did he actually murder him under the influence of this diabolical delusion? That's the point."

"Yes," Parker said, "but do you think he really believes he murdered his grandfather? Or did he actually kill him while being influenced by this twisted delusion? That's the issue."

"Can't say just at present. Might be the one—might be the other. Much better wait till the attack passes off. You'll be able to find out better then."

"Can't say right now. It could be one thing or the other. It's much better to wait until the attack is over. You'll be able to figure it out more clearly then."

"You don't think he's permanently—insane, then?" demanded Robert, with brusque anxiety.

"You don't think he's permanently insane, do you?" Robert asked, his tone sharp with worry.

"No—I don't. I think it's what you'd call a nerve-storm. That is your opinion, too, I believe?" he added, turning to Penberthy.

"No—I don't. I think it's what you'd call a nerve-storm. That's your opinion too, right?" he added, turning to Penberthy.

"Yes; that is my opinion."

"Yes, that's my opinion."

"And what do you think about this delusion, Dr. Penberthy?" went on Parker. "Did he do this insane act?"

"And what do you think about this delusion, Dr. Penberthy?" Parker continued. "Did he really commit this crazy act?"

"He certainly thinks he did it," said Penberthy; "I couldn't possibly say for certain whether he has any foundation for the belief. From time to time he undoubtedly gets these fits of thinking that the devil has taken hold of him, and of course it's hard to say what a man might or might not do under the influence of such a delusion."

"He's definitely convinced he did it," Penberthy said. "I can't say for sure if there's any reason for him to believe that. Every so often, he definitely has these episodes where he thinks the devil has gotten a hold of him, and it’s tough to predict what someone might do when they're caught up in that kind of delusion."

He avoided Robert's distressed eyes, and addressed himself exclusively to Parker.

He looked away from Robert's troubled eyes and focused only on Parker.

"It seems to me," said Wimsey, "if you'll excuse me pushin' my opinion forward and all that—it seems to me that's a question of fact that can be settled without reference to Fentiman and his delusions. There's only the one occasion on which the pill could have been administered—would it have produced the effect that was produced at that particular time, or wouldn't it? If it couldn't take effect at 8 o'clock, then it couldn't, and there's an end of it."

"It seems to me," said Wimsey, "if you'll excuse me for sharing my opinion—it's a matter of fact that can be settled without referring to Fentiman and his delusions. There's only one time when the pill could have been given—would it have caused the effect that occurred at that specific moment, or wouldn't it? If it couldn't take effect at 8 o'clock, then it couldn't, and that's the end of it."

He kept his eyes fixed on Penberthy, and saw him pass his tongue over his dry lips before speaking.

He kept his gaze on Penberthy and watched him lick his dry lips before speaking.

"I can't answer that off-hand," he said.

"I can't answer that right now," he said.

"The pill might have been introduced into General Fentiman's stock of pills at some other time," suggested Parker.

"The pill might have been added to General Fentiman's supply of pills at a different time," suggested Parker.

"So it might," agreed Penberthy.

"Yeah, it might," agreed Penberthy.

"Had it the same shape and appearance as his ordinary pills?" demanded Wimsey, again fixing his eyes on Penberthy.

"Did it have the same shape and look as his regular pills?" Wimsey asked, once more staring at Penberthy.

"Not having seen the pill in question, I can't say," said the latter.

"Since I haven't seen the pill in question, I can't say," said the latter.

"In any case," said Wimsey, "the pill in question, which was one of Mrs. Fentiman's, I understand, had strychnine in it as well as digitalin. The analysis of the stomach would no doubt have revealed strychnine if present. That can be looked into."

"In any case," said Wimsey, "the pill in question, which was made by Mrs. Fentiman, I believe, had strychnine in it along with digitalin. An analysis of the stomach would surely have shown strychnine if it was there. That can be investigated."

"Of course," said the police-surgeon. "Well, gentlemen, I don't think we can do much more to-night. I have written out a prescription for the patient, with Dr. Penberthy's entire agreement"—he bowed; Penberthy bowed—"I will have it made up, and you will no doubt see that it is given to him. I shall be here in the morning."

“Of course,” said the police surgeon. “Well, gentlemen, I don’t think we can do much more tonight. I’ve written a prescription for the patient, with Dr. Penberthy’s full agreement” — he bowed; Penberthy bowed — “I’ll get it filled, and I’m sure you’ll make sure it’s given to him. I’ll be here in the morning.”

He looked interrogatively at Parker, who nodded.

He looked questioningly at Parker, who nodded.

"Thank you, doctor; we will ask you for a further report to-morrow morning. You'll see that Mrs. Fentiman is properly looked after, Superintendent. If you wish to stay here and look after your brother and Mrs. Fentiman, Major, of course you may, and the Superintendent will make you as comfortable as he can."

"Thank you, doctor; we'll ask you for another update tomorrow morning. Superintendent, please make sure that Mrs. Fentiman is taken care of. Major, if you'd like to stay here to look after your brother and Mrs. Fentiman, you’re welcome to, and the Superintendent will do his best to make you comfortable."

Wimsey took Penberthy by the arm.

Wimsey took Penberthy by the arm.

"Come round to the Club with me for a moment, Penberthy," he said. "I want to have a word with you."

"Come to the Club with me for a minute, Penberthy," he said. "I want to talk to you."


CHAPTER XXII

The Cards On The Table

The Cards on the Table

There was nobody in the library at the Bellona Club; there never is. Wimsey led Penberthy into the farthest bay and sent a waiter for two double whiskies.

There was no one in the library at the Bellona Club; there never is. Wimsey took Penberthy to the back corner and sent a waiter for two double whiskies.

"Here's luck!" he said.

"Good luck!" he said.

"Good luck," replied Penberthy. "What is it?"

"Good luck," Penberthy replied. "What’s going on?"

"Look here," said Wimsey. "You've been a soldier. I think you're a decent fellow. You've seen George Fentiman. It's a pity, isn't it?"

"Look," Wimsey said. "You've been in the military. I think you're a good guy. You've met George Fentiman. It's a shame, isn't it?"

"What about it?"

"What’s up with that?"

"If George Fentiman hadn't turned up with that delusion of his," said Wimsey, "you would have been arrested for the murder this evening. Now the point is this. When you are arrested, nothing, as things are, can prevent Miss Dorland's being arrested on the same charge. She's quite a decent girl, and you haven't treated her any too well, have you? Don't you think you might make things right for her by telling the truth straight away?"

"If George Fentiman hadn't shown up with his crazy idea," said Wimsey, "you would have been arrested for the murder tonight. The issue is this: when you get arrested, nothing can stop Miss Dorland from being arrested for the same charge. She's a good girl, and you haven't been very kind to her, have you? Don’t you think you could make things right for her by just telling the truth right now?"

Penberthy sat with a white face and said nothing.

Penberthy sat there with a pale face and didn't say a word.

"You see," went on Wimsey, "if once they get her into the dock, she'll always be a suspected person. Even if the jury believe her story—and they may not, because juries are often rather stupid—people will always think there was 'something in it.' They'll say she was a very lucky woman to get off. That's damning for a girl, isn't it? They might even bring her in guilty. You and I know she isn't—but—you don't want the girl hanged, Penberthy, do you?"

"You see," Wimsey continued, "once they put her on trial, she'll always be seen as a suspect. Even if the jury believes her story—and they might not, because juries can be pretty clueless—people will always think there was 'something going on.' They'll say she was really lucky to get acquitted. That’s harmful for a girl, right? They might even find her guilty. You and I know she isn't—but—you don’t want the girl to be executed, do you, Penberthy?"

Penberthy drummed on the table.

Penberthy tapped on the table.

"What do you want me to do?" he said at last.

"What do you want me to do?" he finally asked.

"Write a clear account of what actually happened," said Wimsey. "Make a clean job of it for these other people. Make it clear that Miss Dorland had nothing to do with it."

"Write a straightforward account of what really happened," said Wimsey. "Do it well for these other folks. Make it clear that Miss Dorland wasn’t involved at all."

"And then?"

"And then what?"

"Then do as you like. In your place I know what I should do."

"Then do whatever you want. If I were you, I know what I'd do."

Penberthy propped his chin on his hands and sat for some minutes staring at the works of Dickens in the leather-and-gold binding.

Penberthy rested his chin on his hands and sat for a few minutes staring at the leather-and-gold-bound works of Dickens.

"Very well," he said at last. "You're quite right. I ought to have done it before. But—damn it!—if ever a man had rotten luck....

"Alright," he finally said. "You’re absolutely right. I should have done it earlier. But—damn it!—if there’s ever a guy with terrible luck....

"If only Robert Fentiman hadn't been a rogue. It's funny, isn't it? That's your wonderful poetic justice, isn't it? If Robert Fentiman had been an honest man, I should have got my half-million, and Ann Dorland would have got a perfectly good husband, and the world would have gained a fine clinic, incidentally. But as Robert was a rogue—here we are....

"If only Robert Fentiman hadn't been a crook. It's ironic, isn't it? That's your beautiful poetic justice, right? If Robert Fentiman had been an honest guy, I would have gotten my half-million, Ann Dorland would have had a perfectly good husband, and the world would have gained a great clinic, by the way. But since Robert was a crook—here we are...."

"I didn't intend to be such a sweep to the Dorland girl. I'd have been decent to her if I'd married her. Mind you, she did sicken me a bit. Always wanting to be sentimental. It's true, what I said—she's a bit cracked about sex. Lots of 'em are. Naomi Rushworth, for instance. That's why I asked her to marry me. I had to be engaged to somebody, and I knew she'd take any one who asked her....

"I didn't mean to be such a jerk to the Dorland girl. I would have treated her well if I had married her. But honestly, she did annoy me a little. Always wanting to be all lovey-dovey. It's true what I said—she's a little off about sex. A lot of them are. Like Naomi Rushworth, for example. That's why I asked her to marry me. I needed to be engaged to someone, and I knew she'd say yes to anyone who asked her...."

"It was so hideously easy, you see ... that was the devil of it. The old man came along and put himself into my hands. Told me with one breath that I hadn't a dog's chance of the money, and in the next, asked me for a dose. I just had to put the stuff into a couple of capsules and tell him to take them at 7 o'clock. He put them in his spectacle-case, to make sure he wouldn't forget them. Not even a bit of paper to give me away. And the next day I'd only to get a fresh supply of the stuff and fill up the bottle. I'll give you the address of the chemist who sold it. Easy?—it was laughable ... people put such power in our hands....

"It was ridiculously easy, you know ... that was the tricky part. The old man came to me and handed himself over. In one breath, he told me I didn’t stand a chance of getting the money, and in the next, he asked for a dose. I just had to put the stuff into a couple of capsules and tell him to take them at 7 o'clock. He put them in his glasses case to make sure he wouldn't forget. Not even a scrap of paper to expose me. The next day, I just needed to get a fresh supply of the stuff and refill the bottle. I’ll give you the address of the pharmacist who sold it. Easy?—it was almost a joke ... people put so much power in our hands...."

"I never meant to get led into all this rotten way of doing things—it was just self-defense. I still don't care a damn about having killed the old man. I could have made better use of the money than Robert Fentiman. He hasn't got two ideas in his head, and he's perfectly happy where he is. Though I suppose he'll be leaving the Army now.... As for Ann, she ought to be grateful to me in a way. I've secured her the money anyhow."

"I never intended to get sucked into this messed-up way of doing things—it was just about survival. Honestly, I don't regret killing the old man. I could have made better use of the money than Robert Fentiman. He’s got no real ideas, and he seems perfectly content with his life. Although I guess he’ll be leaving the Army now... As for Ann, she should be thankful to me in a way. I’ve made sure she gets the money, at least."

"Not unless you make it clear that she had no part in the crime," Wimsey reminded him.

"Not unless you make it clear that she had nothing to do with the crime," Wimsey reminded him.

"That's true. All right. I'll put it all on paper for you. Give me half an hour, will you?"

"That's true. Okay. I'll write it all down for you. Can you give me half an hour?"

"Right you are," said Wimsey.

"You're right," said Wimsey.

He left the library and wandered into the smoking-room. Colonel Marchbanks was there, and greeted him with a friendly smile.

He left the library and walked into the smoking room. Colonel Marchbanks was there and greeted him with a friendly smile.

"Glad you're here, Colonel. Mind if I come and chat to you for a moment?"

"Glad you’re here, Colonel. Do you mind if I come over and chat for a minute?"

"By all means, my dear boy. I'm in no hurry to get home. My wife's away. What can I do for you?"

"Of course, my dear boy. I'm not in a rush to get home. My wife's away. What can I help you with?"

Wimsey told him, in a lowered voice. The Colonel was distressed.

Wimsey said to him in a quiet voice. The Colonel was upset.

"Ah, well," he said, "you've done the best thing, to my mind. I look at these matters from a soldier's point of view, of course. Much better to make a clean job of it all. Dear, dear! Sometimes, Lord Peter, I think that the War has had a bad effect on some of our young men. But then, of course, all are not soldiers by training, and that makes a great difference. I certainly notice a less fine sense of honor in these days than we had when I was a boy. There were not so many excuses made then for people; there were things that were done and things that were not done. Nowadays men—and, I am sorry to say, women too—let themselves go in a way that is to me quite incomprehensible. I can understand a man's committing murder in hot blood—but poisoning—and then putting a good, ladylike girl into such an equivocal position—no! I fail to understand it. Still, as you say, the right course is being taken at last."

"Well," he said, "I think you've done the best thing. I look at these situations from a soldier's perspective, of course. It's much better to just handle it properly. It's concerning! Sometimes, Lord Peter, I feel that the War has had a negative impact on some of our young men. But then again, not everyone is trained as a soldier, and that makes a big difference. I definitely notice a less refined sense of honor these days compared to when I was a kid. Back then, there weren't so many excuses made for people; there were actions that were acceptable and actions that weren't. Nowadays, men—and I'm sorry to say, women too—let themselves behave in ways that I find completely baffling. I can understand a man committing murder in a fit of rage—but poisoning someone—and then putting a good, respectable girl in such a compromising situation—no! I just don't get it. Still, as you said, the right path is finally being taken."

"Yes," said Wimsey.

"Yeah," said Wimsey.

"Excuse me for a moment," said the Colonel, and went out.

"Sorry, just a minute," said the Colonel, and stepped outside.

When he returned, he went with Wimsey into the library. Penberthy had finished writing and was reading his statement through.

When he came back, he went with Wimsey into the library. Penberthy had finished writing and was reading his statement aloud.

"Will that do?" he asked.

"Is that good?" he asked.

Wimsey read it, Colonel Marchbanks looking over the pages with him.

Wimsey read it, with Colonel Marchbanks looking over the pages beside him.

"That is quite all right," he said. "Colonel Marchbanks will witness it with me."

"That's totally fine," he said. "Colonel Marchbanks will be there to witness it with me."

This was done. Wimsey gathered the sheets together and put them in his breast-pocket. Then he turned silently to the Colonel, as though passing the word to him.

This was done. Wimsey collected the sheets and tucked them into his jacket pocket. Then he turned to the Colonel quietly, as if signaling him.

"Dr. Penberthy," said the old man, "now that that paper is in Lord Peter Wimsey's hands, you understand that he can only take the course of communicating with the police. But as that would cause a great deal of unpleasantness to yourself and to other people, you may wish to take another way out of the situation. As a doctor, you will perhaps prefer to make your own arrangements. If not——"

"Dr. Penberthy," the old man said, "now that that paper is with Lord Peter Wimsey, you realize that he can only reach out to the police. However, since that would lead to a lot of trouble for you and others, you might want to consider another option. As a doctor, you might prefer to handle this yourself. If not——"

He drew out from his jacket-pocket the thing which he had fetched.

He pulled out of his jacket pocket the thing he had brought.

"If not, I happen to have brought this with me from my private locker. I am placing it here, in the table-drawer, preparatory to taking it down into the country to-morrow. It is loaded."

"If not, I happen to have brought this with me from my private locker. I'm putting it here in the drawer, getting ready to take it down to the countryside tomorrow. It's loaded."

"Thank you," said Penberthy.

"Thanks," said Penberthy.

The Colonel closed the drawer slowly, stepped back a couple of paces and bowed gravely. Wimsey put his hand on Penberthy's shoulder for a moment, then took the Colonel's arm. Their shadows moved, lengthened, shortened, doubled and crossed as they passed the seven lights in the seven bays of the library. The door shut after them.

The Colonel slowly closed the drawer, took a few steps back, and bowed seriously. Wimsey placed his hand on Penberthy's shoulder for a moment, then took the Colonel's arm. Their shadows shifted, stretched, shrank, multiplied, and crossed as they walked past the seven lights in the seven sections of the library. The door closed behind them.

"How about a drink, Colonel?" said Wimsey.

"How about a drink, Colonel?" Wimsey asked.

They went into the bar, which was just preparing to close for the night. Several other men were there, talking over their plans for Christmas.

They walked into the bar, which was just getting ready to close for the night. A few other guys were there, chatting about their plans for Christmas.

"I'm getting away south," said Tin-Tummy Challoner. "I'm fed up with this climate and this country."

"I'm heading south," said Tin-Tummy Challoner. "I'm tired of this weather and this country."

"I wish you'd look us up, Wimsey," said another man. "We could give you some very decent shooting. We're having a sort of house-party; my wife, you know—must have all these young people round—awful crowd of women. But I'm getting one or two men who can play bridge and handle a gun, and it would be a positive charity to see me through. Deadly season, Christmas. Can't think why they invented it."

"I wish you’d come visit us, Wimsey," said another man. "We could offer you some really good shooting. We’re hosting a kind of house party; my wife, you know—she has to have all these young people around—so many women. But I'm bringing in a couple of guys who can play bridge and use a gun, and it would really help me out. It’s such a dull time around Christmas. I don’t understand why they created it."

"It's all right if you've got kids," interrupted a large, red-faced man with a bald head. "The little beggars enjoy it. You ought to start a family, Anstruther."

"It's fine if you have kids," interrupted a big, red-faced man with a bald head. "The little ones enjoy it. You should think about starting a family, Anstruther."

"All very well," said Anstruther, "you're cut out by nature to dress up as Father Christmas. I tell you, what with one thing and another, entertaining and going about, and the servants we have to keep in a place like ours, it's a job to keep things going. If you know of a good thing, I wish you'd put me on to it. It's not as though——"

"That's all good," Anstruther said, "you were born to play Father Christmas. Honestly, with everything going on, hosting people, and managing the staff we need for a place like this, it's a challenge to keep everything running smoothly. If you know of anything that could help, I'd appreciate it. It's not like——"

"Hullo!" said Challoner, "what was that?"

"Hell!" said Challoner, "what was that?"

"Motor-bike, probably," said Anstruther. "As I was saying, it's not as though——"

"Probably a motorcycle," Anstruther said. "Like I was saying, it's not like——"

"Something's happened," broke in the red-faced man, setting down his glass.

"Something's happened," interrupted the red-faced man, putting down his glass.

There were voices, and the running to and fro of feet. The door was flung open. Startled faces turned towards it. Wetheridge burst in, pale and angry.

There were voices and the sound of feet running back and forth. The door swung open. Startled faces turned to look. Wetheridge rushed in, looking pale and angry.

"I say, you fellows," he cried, "here's another unpleasantness. Penberthy's shot himself in the library. People ought to have more consideration for the members. Where's Culyer?"

"I’m telling you guys," he shouted, "there's been another incident. Penberthy shot himself in the library. People really need to be more considerate of the members. Where's Culyer?"

Wimsey pushed his way out into the entrance-hall. There, as he had expected, he found the plainclothes detective who had been told off to shadow Penberthy.

Wimsey made his way into the entrance hall. There, just as he had expected, he found the plainclothes detective assigned to follow Penberthy.

"Send for Inspector Parker," he said. "I have a paper to give him. Your job's over; it's the end of the case."

"Call Inspector Parker," he said. "I have a paper to give him. Your work is done; it's the end of the case."


CHAPTER XXIII

Post-Mortem

Aftermath

"And George is all right again now?"

"And George is doing okay again now?"

"Thank heaven, yes—getting on splendidly. The doctor says he worked himself into it, just out of worry lest he should be suspected. It never occurred to me—but then George is very quick at putting two and two together."

"Thank goodness, yes—doing great. The doctor says he stressed himself into it, just out of fear that he might be suspected. It never crossed my mind—but then George is really good at connecting the dots."

"Of course he knew he was one of the last people to see his grandfather."

"Of course he knew he was one of the few people left to see his grandfather."

"Yes, and seeing the name on the bottle—and the police coming——"

"Yeah, and seeing the name on the bottle—and the cops showing up——"

"That did it. And you're sure he's all right?"

"That did it. Are you sure he's okay?"

"Oh, rather. The minute he knew that it was all cleared up, he seemed to come out from under a blanket. He sent you all sorts of messages, by the way."

"Oh, definitely. As soon as he found out that everything was sorted, he really seemed to come alive. He sent you all kinds of messages, by the way."

"Well, as soon as he's fit you must come and dine with me...."

"Well, as soon as he's better, you have to come and have dinner with me...."


"... A simple case, of course, as soon as you had disentangled the Robert part of it."

"... A straightforward case, of course, once you had sorted out the Robert part of it."

"A damned unsatisfactory case, Charles. Not the kind I like. No real proof."

"A really unsatisfying case, Charles. Not the sort I prefer. No solid evidence."

"Nothing in it for us, of course. Just as well it never came to trial, though. With juries you never know."

"Nothing in it for us, of course. It's just as well it never went to trial, though. With juries, you never know."

"No; they might have let Penberthy off; or convicted them both."

"No; they could have let Penberthy go free; or found them both guilty."

"Exactly. If you ask me, I think Ann Dorland is a very lucky young woman."

"Exactly. If you ask me, I think Ann Dorland is a really lucky young woman."

"Oh, God!—you would say that...."

"Oh, God!—you would say that...."


"... Yes, of course, I'm sorry for Naomi Rushworth. But she needn't be so spiteful. She goes about hinting that of course dear Walter was got over by that Dorland girl and sacrificed himself to save her."

"... Yes, of course, I feel bad for Naomi Rushworth. But she doesn’t have to be so bitter. She keeps suggesting that dear Walter was influenced by that Dorland girl and sacrificed himself to save her."

"Well, that's natural, I suppose. You thought Miss Dorland had done it yourself at one time, you know, Marjorie."

"Well, that's understandable, I guess. You once thought Miss Dorland had done it herself, you know, Marjorie."

"I didn't know then about her being engaged to Penberthy. And I think he deserved all he got.... Well, I know he's dead, but it was a rotten way to treat a girl, and Ann's far too good for that kind of thing. People have a perfect right to want love-affairs. You men always think...."

"I didn't know back then that she was engaged to Penberthy. And I think he got what he deserved... Well, I know he's dead now, but it was a terrible way to treat a girl, and Ann is way too good for that sort of thing. People have every right to seek love. You guys always think..."

"Not me, Marjorie. I don't think."

"Not me, Marjorie. I don’t think so."

"Oh, you! You're almost human. I'd almost take you on myself if you asked me. You don't feel inclined that way, I suppose?"

"Oh, you! You're pretty much human. I might actually consider taking you on myself if you asked me. I guess you don't feel that way, right?"

"My dear—if a great liking and friendship were enough, I would—like a shot. But that wouldn't satisfy you, would it?"

"My dear—if strong feelings and friendship were enough, I'd do it in an instant. But that wouldn't be enough for you, would it?"

"It wouldn't satisfy you, Peter. I'm sorry. Forget it."

"It wouldn't satisfy you, Peter. I'm sorry. Just forget it."

"I won't forget it. It's the biggest compliment I've ever had paid me. Great Scott! I only wish...."

"I won’t forget it. It’s the biggest compliment I’ve ever received. Wow! I just wish..."

"There! that's all right, you needn't make a speech. And you won't go away tactfully forever, will you?"

"There! That's fine, you don't have to give a speech. And you won't just disappear permanently, right?"

"Not if you don't want me to."

"Only if you want me to."

"And you won't be embarrassed?"

"And you won't feel embarrassed?"

"No, I won't be embarrassed. Portrait of a young man poking the fire to bits to indicate complete freedom from embarrassment. Let's go and feed somewhere, shall we?..."

"No, I won't be embarrassed. A young man prodding the fire to show his total lack of embarrassment. Let's go eat somewhere, shall we?..."


"... Well, and how did you get on with the heiress and the lawyers and all that lot?"

"... So, how did it go with the heiress and the lawyers and all that stuff?"

"Oh! there was a long argument. Miss Dorland insisted on dividing the money, and I said no, I couldn't think of it. She said it was only hers as the result of a crime, and Pritchard and Murbles said she wasn't responsible for other people's crimes. And I said it would look like my profiting by my own attempt at fraud, and she said, not at all, and we went on and on, don't you know. That's a damned decent girl, Wimsey."

"Oh! there was a long argument. Miss Dorland insisted on splitting the money, and I said no, I couldn't even consider it. She claimed it was only hers because of a crime, and Pritchard and Murbles said she wasn't responsible for other people's crimes. I argued that it would seem like I was benefiting from my own attempt at fraud, and she said, not at all, and we kept going back and forth, you know. That's a really decent girl, Wimsey."

"Yes, I know. The moment I found she preferred burgundy to champagne I had the highest opinion of her."

"Yeah, I get it. As soon as I realized she liked burgundy more than champagne, I thought really highly of her."

"No, really—there's something very fine and straightforward about her."

"No, seriously—there's something really nice and straightforward about her."

"Oh, yes—not a bad girl at all; though I shouldn't have said she was quite your sort."

"Oh, yeah—not a bad girl at all; though I shouldn't have said she was really your type."

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

"Well—arty and all that. And her looks aren't her strong point."

"Well—artsy and all that. And her looks aren't her best feature."

"You needn't be offensive, Wimsey. Surely I may be allowed to appreciate a woman of intelligence and character. I may not be highbrow, but I have some ideas beyond the front row of the chorus. And what that girl went through with that blighter Penberthy makes my blood boil."

"You don’t have to be rude, Wimsey. Surely I can appreciate a smart and strong woman. I might not be cultured, but I have some thoughts that go beyond just the front row of the chorus. And what that girl endured with that jerk Penberthy just makes my blood boil."

"Oh, you've heard all about that?"

"Oh, you know all about that?"

"I have. She told me, and I respected her for it. I thought it most courageous of her. It's about time somebody brought a little brightness into that poor girl's life. You don't realize how desperately lonely she has been. She had to take up that art business to give her an interest, poor child, but she's really cut out for an ordinary, sensible, feminine life. You may not understand that, with your ideas, but she has really a very sweet nature."

"I have. She told me, and I admired her for it. I thought it was really brave of her. It’s about time someone brought a little light into that poor girl's life. You have no idea how desperately lonely she has been. She had to start that art business to give her some purpose, poor thing, but she’s really meant for a regular, sensible, feminine life. You might not see it that way, with your ideas, but she has a very sweet nature."

"Sorry, Fentiman."

"Sorry, Fentiman."

"She made me ashamed, the way she took the whole thing. When I think of the trouble I got her into, owing to my damned dishonest tinkering about with—you know—"

"She embarrassed me with how she handled everything. When I think about the trouble I got her into because of my stupid dishonest messing around with—you know—"

"My dear man, you were perfectly providential. If you hadn't tinkered about, as you say, she'd be married to Penberthy by now."

"My dear man, you were truly fortunate. If you hadn't messed around, as you say, she'd be married to Penberthy by now."

"That's true—and that makes it so amazing of her to forgive me. She loved that blighter, Wimsey. You don't know. It's absolutely pathetic."

"That's true—and that makes it so amazing of her to forgive me. She loved that jerk, Wimsey. You don't understand. It's totally pathetic."

"Well, you'll have to do your best to make her forget it."

"Well, you'll need to do your best to make her forget it."

"I look on that as a duty, Wimsey."

"I see that as a responsibility, Wimsey."

"Just so. Doing anything to-night? Care to come and look at a show?"

"Absolutely. Got any plans tonight? Want to come and check out a show?"

"Sorry—I'm booked. Taking Miss Dorland to the new thing at the Palladium, in fact. Thought it'd do her good—buck her up and so on."

"Sorry—I'm busy. I'm taking Miss Dorland to the new show at the Palladium, actually. I thought it would lift her spirits—cheer her up and all that."

"Oh?—good work!—Here's luck to it...."

"Oh?—great job!—Good luck with it...."


"... and the cooking is getting perfectly disgraceful. I spoke to Culyer about it only yesterday. But he won't do anything. I don't know what's the good of the committee. This club isn't half what it used to be. In fact, Wimsey, I'm thinking of resigning."

"... and the food is getting really bad. I talked to Culyer about it just yesterday. But he won’t take any action. I don’t see what the point of the committee is. This club isn't nearly what it used to be. In fact, Wimsey, I'm thinking about resigning."

"Oh, don't do that, Wetheridge. It wouldn't be the same place without you."

"Oh, please don't do that, Wetheridge. It just wouldn't be the same without you."

"Look at all the disturbance there has been lately. Police and reporters—and then Penberthy blowing his brains out in the library. And the coal's all slate. Only yesterday something exploded like a shell—I assure you, exactly like a shell—in the card-room; and as nearly as possible got me in the eye. I said to Culyer, 'This must not occur again.' You may laugh, but I knew a man who was blinded by a thing popping out suddenly like that. These things never happened before the War, and—great heavens! William! Look at this wine! Smell it! Taste it! Corked? Yes, I should think it was corked! My God! I don't know what's come to this Club."

"Look at all the chaos that's been going on lately. Police and reporters—and then Penberthy shooting himself in the library. And the coal is all slate. Just yesterday, something exploded like a shell—I swear, exactly like a shell—in the card room; and it almost hit me in the eye. I told Culyer, 'This must not happen again.' You can laugh, but I knew a guy who got blinded by something popping out like that. These things never happened before the war, and—good grief! William! Look at this wine! Smell it! Taste it! Corked? Yeah, I’d say it is corked! My God! I don’t know what’s happened to this Club."


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