This is a modern-English version of Mike, originally written by Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville).
It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling,
and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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MIKE
A PUBLIC SCHOOL STORY
BY
P. G. WODEHOUSE
AUTHOR OF “THE GOLD BAT,” “A PREFECT’S UNCLE,” ETC.
CONTAINING TWELVE FULL-PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS BY
T. M. R. WHITWELL
LONDON
1909
[Dedication]
TO
ALAN DURAND
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
BY T. M. R. WHITWELL
* * | “ARE YOU THE M. JACKSON, THEN, WHO HAD AN AVERAGE OF FIFTY-ONE POINT NOUGHT THREE LAST YEAR?” |
* * | THE DARK WATERS WERE LASHED INTO A MAELSTROM |
* * | “DON’T LAUGH, YOU GRINNING APE” |
* * | “DO—YOU—SEE, YOU FRIGHTFUL KID?” |
* * | “WHAT’S ALL THIS ABOUT JIMMY WYATT?” |
* * | MIKE AND THE BALL ARRIVED ALMOST SIMULTANEOUSLY |
* * | “WHAT THE DICKENS ARE YOU DOING HERE?” |
* * | PSMITH SEIZED AND EMPTIED JELLICOE’S JUG OVER SPILLER |
* * | “WHY DID YOU SAY YOU DIDN’T PLAY CRICKET?” HE ASKED |
* * | “WHO—” HE SHOUTED, “WHO HAS DONE THIS?” |
* * | “DID—YOU—PUT—THAT—BOOT—THERE, SMITH?” |
* * | MIKE DROPPED THE SOOT-COVERED OBJECT IN THE FENDER |
CHAPTER I
MIKE
It was a morning in the middle of April, and the Jackson family were consequently breakfasting in comparative silence. The cricket season had not begun, and except during the cricket season they were in the habit of devoting their powerful minds at breakfast almost exclusively to the task of victualling against the labours of the day. In May, June, July, and August the silence was broken. The three grown-up Jacksons played regularly in first-class cricket, and there was always keen competition among their brothers and sisters for the copy of the Sportsman which was to be found on the hall table with the letters. Whoever got it usually gloated over it in silence till urged wrathfully by the multitude to let them know what had happened; when it would appear that Joe had notched his seventh century, or that Reggie had been run out when he was just getting set, or, as sometimes occurred, that that ass Frank had dropped Fry or Hayward in the slips before he had scored, with the result that the spared expert had made a couple of hundred and was still going strong.
It was a morning in mid-April, and the Jackson family was having breakfast in relative silence. The cricket season hadn't started yet, and except during that time, they usually focused their sharp minds at breakfast almost entirely on planning for the day's meals. In May, June, July, and August, the silence was interrupted. The three adult Jacksons regularly played first-class cricket, and there was always fierce competition among their siblings for the copy of the Sportsman that sat on the hall table with the mail. Whoever got it would usually revel in it quietly until pressured by the others to share the news; at which point, it would turn out that Joe had scored his seventh century, or that Reggie had been run out just as he was getting comfortable, or, as sometimes happened, that that fool Frank had dropped Fry or Hayward in the slips before they had scored, resulting in the spared player making a couple of hundred and still going strong.
In such a case the criticisms of the family circle, particularly of the smaller Jackson sisters, were so breezy and unrestrained that Mrs. Jackson generally felt it necessary to apply the closure. Indeed, Marjory Jackson, aged fourteen, had on three several occasions been fined pudding at lunch for her caustic comments on the batting of her brother Reggie in important fixtures. Cricket was a tradition in the family, and the ladies, unable to their sorrow to play the game themselves, were resolved that it should not be their fault if the standard was not kept up.
In this situation, the criticisms from the family, especially from the younger Jackson sisters, were so lively and unfiltered that Mrs. Jackson usually felt it was necessary to put an end to it. In fact, Marjory Jackson, who was fourteen, had been punished with no pudding at lunch on three separate occasions for her sharp remarks about her brother Reggie's performance in important cricket matches. Cricket was a family tradition, and since the women couldn't play the game themselves, they were determined that it wouldn’t be their fault if the standards slipped.
On this particular morning silence reigned. A deep gasp from some small Jackson, wrestling with bread-and-milk, and an occasional remark from Mr. Jackson on the letters he was reading, alone broke it.
On this particular morning, silence reigned. A deep gasp from little Jackson, struggling with his bread and milk, and an occasional comment from Mr. Jackson on the letters he was reading were the only interruptions.
“Mike’s late again,” said Mrs. Jackson plaintively, at last.
“Mike’s late again,” said Mrs. Jackson sadly, finally.
“He’s getting up,” said Marjory. “I went in to see what he was doing, and he was asleep. So,” she added with a satanic chuckle, “I squeezed a sponge over him. He swallowed an awful lot, and then he woke up, and tried to catch me, so he’s certain to be down soon.”
“He's getting up,” Marjory said. “I went in to see what he was doing, and he was asleep. So,” she added with a wicked laugh, “I squeezed a sponge over him. He swallowed a ton, and then he woke up and tried to catch me, so he’ll definitely be down soon.”
“Marjory!”
"Marjory!"
“Well, he was on his back with his mouth wide open. I had to. He was snoring like anything.”
“Well, he was lying on his back with his mouth wide open. I had to. He was snoring really loudly.”
“You might have choked him.”
"You might have suffocated him."
“I did,” said Marjory with satisfaction. “Jam, please, Phyllis, you pig.”
“I did,” Marjory said with satisfaction. “Jam, please, Phyllis, you pig.”
Mr. Jackson looked up.
Mr. Jackson glanced up.
“Mike will have to be more punctual when he goes to Wrykyn,” he said.
“Mike needs to be more on time when he goes to Wrykyn,” he said.
“Oh, father, is Mike going to Wrykyn?” asked Marjory. “When?”
“Oh, Dad, is Mike going to Wrykyn?” asked Marjory. “When?”
“Next term,” said Mr. Jackson. “I’ve just heard from Mr. Wain,” he added across the table to Mrs. Jackson. “The house is full, but he is turning a small room into an extra dormitory, so he can take Mike after all.”
“Next term,” said Mr. Jackson. “I just heard from Mr. Wain,” he added across the table to Mrs. Jackson. “The house is full, but he’s converting a small room into an extra dormitory, so he can take Mike after all.”
The first comment on this momentous piece of news came from Bob Jackson. Bob was eighteen. The following term would be his last at Wrykyn, and, having won through so far without the infliction of a small brother, he disliked the prospect of not being allowed to finish as he had begun.
The first response to this significant piece of news came from Bob Jackson. Bob was eighteen. The next term would be his last at Wrykyn, and since he had managed to get this far without the burden of a little brother, he didn't like the idea of not being able to finish his time there the way he had started.
“I say!” he said. “What?”
“I say!” he said. “What?”
“He ought to have gone before,” said Mr. Jackson. “He’s fifteen. Much too old for that private school. He has had it all his own way there, and it isn’t good for him.”
“He should have left by now,” said Mr. Jackson. “He’s fifteen. Way too old for that private school. He’s had it too easy there, and that’s not good for him.”
“He’s got cheek enough for ten,” agreed Bob.
“He’s got enough cheek for ten,” agreed Bob.
“Wrykyn will do him a world of good.”
“Wrykyn will do him a lot of good.”
“We aren’t in the same house. That’s one comfort.”
“We're not in the same house. That's one comfort.”
Bob was in Donaldson’s. It softened the blow to a certain extent that Mike should be going to Wain’s. He had the same feeling for Mike that most boys of eighteen have for their fifteen-year-old brothers. He was fond of him in the abstract, but preferred him at a distance.
Bob was at Donaldson's. It eased the disappointment a bit that Mike was going to Wain's. He felt the same way about Mike that most eighteen-year-olds feel about their fifteen-year-old brothers. He cared for him in theory, but liked keeping his distance.
Marjory gave tongue again. She had rescued the jam from Phyllis, who had shown signs of finishing it, and was now at liberty to turn her mind to less pressing matters. Mike was her special ally, and anything that affected his fortunes affected her.
Marjory spoke up again. She had saved the jam from Phyllis, who looked like she was about to finish it, and was now free to think about less urgent things. Mike was her close ally, and anything that impacted him also affected her.
“Hooray! Mike’s going to Wrykyn. I bet he gets into the first eleven his first term.”
“Hooray! Mike’s going to Wrykyn. I bet he makes the first eleven in his first term.”
“Considering there are eight old colours left,” said Bob loftily, “besides heaps of last year’s seconds, it’s hardly likely that a kid like Mike’ll get a look in. He might get his third, if he sweats.”
“Since there are eight old colors left,” said Bob confidently, “along with a ton of last year’s seconds, it’s pretty unlikely that a kid like Mike will get a chance. He might get his third if he really puts in the effort.”
The aspersion stung Marjory.
The insult stung Marjory.
“I bet he gets in before you, anyway,” she said.
"I bet he gets in before you do," she said.
Bob disdained to reply. He was among those heaps of last year’s seconds to whom he had referred. He was a sound bat, though lacking the brilliance of his elder brothers, and he fancied that his cap was a certainty this season. Last year he had been tried once or twice. This year it should be all right.
Bob refused to respond. He was one of those leftovers from last season that he had mentioned. He was a decent player, although he didn’t have the standout talent of his older brothers, and he believed that getting his cap this season was a sure thing. Last year, he had been given a chance once or twice. This year, it should work out fine.
Mrs. Jackson intervened.
Mrs. Jackson stepped in.
“Go on with your breakfast, Marjory,” she said. “You mustn’t say ‘I bet’ so much.”
“Go ahead and finish your breakfast, Marjory,” she said. “You shouldn’t say ‘I bet’ so often.”
Marjory bit off a section of her slice of bread-and-jam.
Marjory took a bite of her slice of bread with jam.
“Anyhow, I bet he does,” she muttered truculently through it.
“Anyway, I bet he does,” she muttered defiantly through it.
There was a sound of footsteps in the passage outside. The door opened, and the missing member of the family appeared. Mike Jackson was tall for his age. His figure was thin and wiry. His arms and legs looked a shade too long for his body. He was evidently going to be very tall some day. In face, he was curiously like his brother Joe, whose appearance is familiar to every one who takes an interest in first-class cricket. The resemblance was even more marked on the cricket field. Mike had Joe’s batting style to the last detail. He was a pocket edition of his century-making brother. “Hullo,” he said, “sorry I’m late.”
There was a sound of footsteps in the hallway outside. The door opened, and the missing family member walked in. Mike Jackson was tall for his age. His build was slim and wiry. His arms and legs seemed a bit too long for his body. It was clear he was going to be very tall one day. In terms of looks, he closely resembled his brother Joe, who is well-known to anyone interested in top-level cricket. The resemblance was even stronger on the cricket field. Mike copied Joe’s batting style down to the smallest detail. He was a miniature version of his century-scoring brother. “Hey,” he said, “sorry I’m late.”
This was mere stereo. He had made the same remark nearly every morning since the beginning of the holidays.
This was just routine. He had made the same comment almost every morning since the holidays started.
“All right, Marjory, you little beast,” was his reference to the sponge incident.
“All right, Marjory, you little troublemaker,” was his reference to the sponge incident.
His third remark was of a practical nature.
His third comment was useful.
“I say, what’s under that dish?”
“I’m curious, what’s under that dish?”
“Mike,” began Mr. Jackson—this again was stereo—“you really must learn to be more punctual——”
“Mike,” started Mr. Jackson—this was once again a familiar tone—“you really need to work on being more punctual——”
He was interrupted by a chorus.
He was interrupted by a group.
“Mike, you’re going to Wrykyn next term,” shouted Marjory.
“Mike, you’re going to Wrykyn next semester,” shouted Marjory.
“Mike, father’s just had a letter to say you’re going to Wrykyn next term.” From Phyllis.
"Mike, Dad just got a letter saying you're going to Wrykyn next term." From Phyllis.
“Mike, you’re going to Wrykyn.” From Ella.
“Mike, you’re going to Wrykyn.” From Ella.
Gladys Maud Evangeline, aged three, obliged with a solo of her own composition, in six-eight time, as follows: “Mike Wryky. Mike Wryky. Mike Wryke Wryke Wryke Mike Wryke Wryke Mike Wryke Mike Wryke.”
Gladys Maud Evangeline, three years old, performed a solo she created herself, in six-eight time, as follows: “Mike Wryky. Mike Wryky. Mike Wryke Wryke Wryke Mike Wryke Wryke Mike Wryke Mike Wryke.”
“Oh, put a green baize cloth over that kid, somebody,” groaned Bob.
“Oh, put a green felt cloth over that kid, someone,” groaned Bob.
Whereat Gladys Maud, having fixed him with a chilly stare for some seconds, suddenly drew a long breath, and squealed deafeningly for more milk.
Whereupon Gladys Maud, giving him a frosty look for a few moments, suddenly took a deep breath and loudly shouted for more milk.
Mike looked round the table. It was a great moment. He rose to it with the utmost dignity.
Mike looked around the table. It was a significant moment. He approached it with the highest dignity.
“Good,” he said. “I say, what’s under that dish?”
“Good,” he said. “Hey, what’s under that dish?”
After breakfast, Mike and Marjory went off together to the meadow at the end of the garden. Saunders, the professional, assisted by the gardener’s boy, was engaged in putting up the net. Mr. Jackson believed in private coaching; and every spring since Joe, the eldest of the family, had been able to use a bat a man had come down from the Oval to teach him the best way to do so. Each of the boys in turn had passed from spectators to active participants in the net practice in the meadow. For several years now Saunders had been the chosen man, and his attitude towards the Jacksons was that of the Faithful Old Retainer in melodrama. Mike was his special favourite. He felt that in him he had material of the finest order to work upon. There was nothing the matter with Bob. In Bob he would turn out a good, sound article. Bob would be a Blue in his third or fourth year, and probably a creditable performer among the rank and file of a county team later on. But he was not a cricket genius, like Mike. Saunders would lie awake at night sometimes thinking of the possibilities that were in Mike. The strength could only come with years, but the style was there already. Joe’s style, with improvements.
After breakfast, Mike and Marjory headed to the meadow at the end of the garden together. Saunders, the professional, assisted by the gardener’s boy, was busy setting up the net. Mr. Jackson believed in personal coaching; every spring since Joe, the oldest in the family, had been able to use a bat, a man had come down from the Oval to teach him the best techniques. Each of the boys had gone from being spectators to active participants in the net practice in the meadow. For several years now, Saunders had been the chosen coach, and he treated the Jacksons like a loyal servant in a melodrama. Mike was his favorite. He believed he had the best material to work with in him. Bob was fine too; he would develop into a solid player. Bob would probably be a Blue in his third or fourth year and could likely perform well among a county team later on. But he wasn’t a cricket genius like Mike. Sometimes, Saunders would lie awake at night thinking about the potential in Mike. The strength would come with time, but the style was already there—Joe’s style, with some improvements.
Mike put on his pads; and Marjory walked with the professional to the bowling crease.
Mike put on his pads, and Marjory walked with the pro to the bowling crease.
“Mike’s going to Wrykyn next term, Saunders,” she said. “All the boys were there, you know. So was father, ages ago.”
“Mike’s going to Wrykyn next term, Saunders,” she said. “All the boys were there, you know. So was Dad, a long time ago.”
“Is he, miss? I was thinking he would be soon.”
“Is he coming, miss? I thought he would be here soon.”
“Do you think he’ll get into the school team?”
“Do you think he’ll make the school team?”
“School team, miss! Master Mike get into a school team! He’ll be playing for England in another eight years. That’s what he’ll be playing for.”
“School team, miss! Master Mike is joining a school team! He’ll be playing for England in another eight years. That’s what he’ll be playing for.”
“Yes, but I meant next term. It would be a record if he did. Even Joe only got in after he’d been at school two years. Don’t you think he might, Saunders? He’s awfully good, isn’t he? He’s better than Bob, isn’t he? And Bob’s almost certain to get in this term.”
“Yes, but I meant next term. It would be a record if he did. Even Joe only got in after he’d been at school for two years. Don’t you think he might, Saunders? He’s really good, isn’t he? He’s better than Bob, right? And Bob’s almost certain to get in this term.”
Saunders looked a little doubtful.
Saunders seemed a bit unsure.
“Next term!” he said. “Well, you see, miss, it’s this way. It’s all there, in a manner of speaking, with Master Mike. He’s got as much style as Mr. Joe’s got, every bit. The whole thing is, you see, miss, you get these young gentlemen of eighteen, and nineteen perhaps, and it stands to reason they’re stronger. There’s a young gentleman, perhaps, doesn’t know as much about what I call real playing as Master Mike’s forgotten; but then he can hit ’em harder when he does hit ’em, and that’s where the runs come in. They aren’t going to play Master Mike because he’ll be in the England team when he leaves school. They’ll give the cap to somebody that can make a few then and there.”
“Next term!” he said. “Well, you see, miss, it’s like this. It’s all there, in a way, with Master Mike. He has just as much style as Mr. Joe does, absolutely. The whole thing is, you see, miss, you get these young guys around eighteen or nineteen, and it makes sense that they’re stronger. There’s a young guy who might not know as much about what I call real playing as Master Mike has forgotten; but when he does hit the ball, he can hit it harder, and that’s where the runs come in. They aren’t going to play Master Mike because he’ll be on the England team when he finishes school. They’ll give the cap to someone who can score a few runs right there and then.”
“But Mike’s jolly strong.”
"But Mike's really strong."
“Ah, I’m not saying it mightn’t be, miss. I was only saying don’t count on it, so you won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. It’s quite likely that it will, only all I say is don’t count on it. I only hope that they won’t knock all the style out of him before they’re done with him. You know these school professionals, miss.”
“Ah, I’m not saying it’s impossible, miss. I was just saying don’t rely on it, so you won’t be let down if it doesn’t happen. It’s very possible that it will, but all I’m saying is don’t depend on it. I just hope they don’t take away all his style before they’re finished with him. You know how these school professionals are, miss.”
“No, I don’t, Saunders. What are they like?”
“No, I don’t, Saunders. What are they like?”
“Well, there’s too much of the come-right-out-at-everything about ’em for my taste. Seem to think playing forward the alpha and omugger of batting. They’ll make him pat balls back to the bowler which he’d cut for twos and threes if he was left to himself. Still, we’ll hope for the best, miss. Ready, Master Mike? Play.”
“Well, they’re a bit too direct for my liking. They seem to think they’re the top dogs when it comes to batting. They’ll have him returning balls to the bowler that he could easily hit for twos and threes if he had his way. Still, let’s hope for the best, miss. Ready, Master Mike? Play.”
As Saunders had said, it was all there. Of Mike’s style there could be no doubt. To-day, too, he was playing more strongly than usual. Marjory had to run to the end of the meadow to fetch one straight drive. “He hit that hard enough, didn’t he, Saunders?” she asked, as she returned the ball.
As Saunders had said, it was all there. There was no doubt about Mike's style. Today, he was playing better than usual. Marjory had to run to the end of the meadow to fetch one straight drive. “He hit that pretty hard, didn’t he, Saunders?” she asked as she returned the ball.
“If he could keep on doing ones like that, miss,” said the professional, “they’d have him in the team before you could say knife.”
“If he can keep doing things like that, miss,” said the professional, “they’d have him on the team before you know it.”
Marjory sat down again beside the net, and watched more hopefully.
Marjory sat down next to the net again and watched with more hope.
CHAPTER II
THE JOURNEY DOWN
The seeing off of Mike on the last day of the holidays was an imposing spectacle, a sort of pageant. Going to a public school, especially at the beginning of the summer term, is no great hardship, more particularly when the departing hero has a brother on the verge of the school eleven and three other brothers playing for counties; and Mike seemed in no way disturbed by the prospect. Mothers, however, to the end of time will foster a secret fear that their sons will be bullied at a big school, and Mrs. Jackson’s anxious look lent a fine solemnity to the proceedings.
The send-off for Mike on the last day of the holidays was a remarkable sight, almost like a parade. Going to a public school, especially at the start of the summer term, isn't too difficult, especially when the departing hero has a brother about to join the school soccer team and three other brothers playing for county teams; Mike didn’t seem bothered at all by this. Still, mothers will always have a hidden worry that their sons will be bullied at a large school, and Mrs. Jackson’s worried expression added a serious tone to the event.
And as Marjory, Phyllis, and Ella invariably broke down when the time of separation arrived, and made no exception to their rule on the present occasion, a suitable gloom was the keynote of the gathering. Mr. Jackson seemed to bear the parting with fortitude, as did Mike’s Uncle John (providentially roped in at the eleventh hour on his way to Scotland, in time to come down with a handsome tip). To their coarse-fibred minds there was nothing pathetic or tragic about the affair at all. (At the very moment when the train began to glide out of the station Uncle John was heard to remark that, in his opinion, these Bocks weren’t a patch on the old shaped Larranaga.) Among others present might have been noticed Saunders, practising late cuts rather coyly with a walking-stick in the background; the village idiot, who had rolled up on the chance of a dole; Gladys Maud Evangeline’s nurse, smiling vaguely; and Gladys Maud Evangeline herself, frankly bored with the whole business.
And as Marjory, Phyllis, and Ella always broke down when it was time to say goodbye, and made no exception this time, a fitting sadness filled the gathering. Mr. Jackson seemed to handle the separation with strength, and so did Mike’s Uncle John (who had been conveniently invited at the last minute on his way to Scotland, just in time to come with a generous tip). To their blunt minds, there was nothing sad or tragic about the situation at all. (At the very moment when the train started to leave the station, Uncle John was heard to say that, in his opinion, these Bocks weren’t nearly as good as the old Larranaga.) Among the others present were Saunders, awkwardly practicing late cuts with a walking stick in the background; the village idiot, who had shown up hoping for some handouts; Gladys Maud Evangeline’s nurse, smiling absentmindedly; and Gladys Maud Evangeline herself, who looked bored with the whole affair.
The train gathered speed. The air was full of last messages. Uncle John said on second thoughts he wasn’t sure these Bocks weren’t half a bad smoke after all. Gladys Maud cried, because she had taken a sudden dislike to the village idiot; and Mike settled himself in the corner and opened a magazine.
The train picked up speed. The air was filled with final goodbyes. Uncle John remarked that upon reflection, he wasn't so sure those Bocks weren't a decent smoke after all. Gladys Maud cried because she had developed a sudden dislike for the village idiot; and Mike got comfortable in the corner and opened a magazine.
He was alone in the carriage. Bob, who had been spending the last week of the holidays with an aunt further down the line, was to board the train at East Wobsley, and the brothers were to make a state entry into Wrykyn together. Meanwhile, Mike was left to his milk chocolate, his magazines, and his reflections.
He was alone in the train car. Bob, who had spent the last week of the break at an aunt's place further down the line, was going to get on the train at East Wobsley, and the brothers were set to make a big entrance into Wrykyn together. In the meantime, Mike was left with his milk chocolate, his magazines, and his thoughts.
The latter were not numerous, nor profound. He was excited. He had been petitioning the home authorities for the past year to be allowed to leave his private school and go to Wrykyn, and now the thing had come about. He wondered what sort of a house Wain’s was, and whether they had any chance of the cricket cup. According to Bob they had no earthly; but then Bob only recognised one house, Donaldson’s. He wondered if Bob would get his first eleven cap this year, and if he himself were likely to do anything at cricket. Marjory had faithfully reported every word Saunders had said on the subject, but Bob had been so careful to point out his insignificance when compared with the humblest Wrykynian that the professional’s glowing prophecies had not had much effect. It might be true that some day he would play for England, but just at present he felt he would exchange his place in the team for one in the Wrykyn third eleven. A sort of mist enveloped everything Wrykynian. It seemed almost hopeless to try and compete with these unknown experts. On the other hand, there was Bob. Bob, by all accounts, was on the verge of the first eleven, and he was nothing special.
The latter group wasn't big or impressive. He was thrilled. For the past year, he had been asking the local authorities to let him leave his private school and go to Wrykyn, and now it was finally happening. He wondered what Wain’s house was like and if they had any chance at the cricket cup. According to Bob, they didn’t stand a chance; but Bob only acknowledged one house, Donaldson’s. He wondered if Bob would get his first eleven cap this year, and if he himself might do anything noteworthy in cricket. Marjory had faithfully reported everything Saunders had said about it, but Bob had been quick to emphasize his own insignificance compared to the humblest Wrykynian, so the professional’s enthusiastic predictions hadn’t really affected him. It might be true that someday he would play for England, but right now he felt he would gladly trade his spot on the team for a place on the Wrykyn third eleven. Everything Wrykynian felt shrouded in a sort of mist. Competing with these unknown experts seemed almost hopeless. On the flip side, there was Bob. By all accounts, Bob was on the brink of making the first eleven, and he was nothing extraordinary.
While he was engaged on these reflections, the train drew up at a small station. Opposite the door of Mike’s compartment was standing a boy of about Mike’s size, though evidently some years older. He had a sharp face, with rather a prominent nose; and a pair of pince-nez gave him a supercilious look. He wore a bowler hat, and carried a small portmanteau.
While he was lost in thought, the train pulled into a small station. Standing opposite the door of Mike’s compartment was a boy roughly Mike’s size, but clearly a few years older. He had a sharp face with a slightly prominent nose, and his pince-nez made him look somewhat arrogant. He wore a bowler hat and carried a small suitcase.
He opened the door, and took the seat opposite to Mike, whom he scrutinised for a moment rather after the fashion of a naturalist examining some new and unpleasant variety of beetle. He seemed about to make some remark, but, instead, got up and looked through the open window.
He opened the door and took the seat across from Mike, studying him for a moment like a scientist examining a strange and unpleasant type of beetle. He looked like he was about to say something but instead got up and looked through the open window.
“Where’s that porter?” Mike heard him say.
“Where’s that porter?” Mike heard him say.
The porter came skimming down the platform at that moment.
The porter came gliding down the platform at that moment.
“Porter.”
"Delivery person."
“Sir?”
"Excuse me?"
“Are those frightful boxes of mine in all right?”
"Are my scary boxes alright?"
“Yes, sir.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Because, you know, there’ll be a frightful row if any of them get lost.”
“Because, you know, there’s going to be a huge fuss if any of them get lost.”
“No chance of that, sir.”
"No way that's happening, sir."
“Here you are, then.”
"Here you go, then."
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thanks, sir.”
The youth drew his head and shoulders in, stared at Mike again, and finally sat down. Mike noticed that he had nothing to read, and wondered if he wanted anything; but he did not feel equal to offering him one of his magazines. He did not like the looks of him particularly. Judging by appearances, he seemed to carry enough side for three. If he wanted a magazine, thought Mike, let him ask for it.
The young guy pulled his head and shoulders in, glanced at Mike again, and then finally sat down. Mike noticed that he didn’t have anything to read and wondered if he even wanted something. But he didn’t feel comfortable offering him one of his magazines. He wasn’t fond of how the guy looked, to be honest. From what he could see, he looked like he was tough enough for three people. If he wanted a magazine, Mike thought, he should just ask for it.
The other made no overtures, and at the next stop got out. That explained his magazineless condition. He was only travelling a short way.
The other person didn’t make any gestures, and at the next stop, he got off. That explained why he didn’t have a magazine. He was only traveling a short distance.
“Good business,” said Mike to himself. He had all the Englishman’s love of a carriage to himself.
“Good business,” Mike said to himself. He had the Englishman’s full love of a carriage to himself.
The train was just moving out of the station when his eye was suddenly caught by the stranger’s bag, lying snugly in the rack.
The train was just pulling out of the station when he suddenly noticed the stranger’s bag, resting comfortably in the rack.
And here, I regret to say, Mike acted from the best motives, which is always fatal.
And here, I’m sorry to say, Mike acted with the best intentions, which is always a recipe for disaster.
He realised in an instant what had happened. The fellow had forgotten his bag.
He instantly realized what had happened. The guy had forgotten his bag.
Mike had not been greatly fascinated by the stranger’s looks; but, after all, the most supercilious person on earth has a right to his own property. Besides, he might have been quite a nice fellow when you got to know him. Anyhow, the bag had better be returned at once. The train was already moving quite fast, and Mike’s compartment was nearing the end of the platform.
Mike wasn't particularly captivated by the stranger's appearance, but still, even the most arrogant person has a right to their belongings. Besides, he could have been a decent guy once you got to know him. In any case, the bag should be returned immediately. The train was already picking up speed, and Mike's compartment was approaching the end of the platform.
He snatched the bag from the rack and hurled it out of the window. (Porter Robinson, who happened to be in the line of fire, escaped with a flesh wound.) Then he sat down again with the inward glow of satisfaction which comes to one when one has risen successfully to a sudden emergency.
He grabbed the bag from the rack and threw it out the window. (Porter Robinson, who was caught in the crossfire, ended up with a minor injury.) Then he sat back down, feeling a sense of satisfaction that comes when you’ve successfully handled a sudden crisis.
The glow lasted till the next stoppage, which did not occur for a good many miles. Then it ceased abruptly, for the train had scarcely come to a standstill when the opening above the door was darkened by a head and shoulders. The head was surmounted by a bowler, and a pair of pince-nez gleamed from the shadow.
The glow lasted until the next stop, which didn’t happen for quite a while. Then it suddenly went out, because the train had barely come to a halt when the space above the door was blocked by a head and shoulders. The head was topped with a bowler hat, and a pair of pince-nez glasses shone from the shadows.
“Hullo, I say,” said the stranger. “Have you changed carriages, or what?”
“Hello, I ask,” said the stranger. “Did you switch carriages, or what?”
“No,” said Mike.
"No," Mike said.
“Then, dash it, where’s my frightful bag?”
“Then, dang it, where’s my awful bag?”
Life teems with embarrassing situations. This was one of them.
Life is full of embarrassing moments. This was one of them.
“The fact is,” said Mike, “I chucked it out.”
“The fact is,” said Mike, “I threw it away.”
“Chucked it out! what do you mean? When?”
“Threw it out! What do you mean? When?”
“At the last station.”
“At the final stop.”
The guard blew his whistle, and the other jumped into the carriage.
The guard blew his whistle, and the other one jumped into the carriage.
“I thought you’d got out there for good,” explained Mike. “I’m awfully sorry.”
“I thought you’d gotten out there for good,” Mike said. “I’m really sorry.”
“Where is the bag?”
“Where's the bag?”
“On the platform at the last station. It hit a porter.”
“On the platform at the last station. It hit a porter.”
Against his will, for he wished to treat the matter with fitting solemnity, Mike grinned at the recollection. The look on Porter Robinson’s face as the bag took him in the small of the back had been funny, though not intentionally so.
Against his will, since he wanted to handle the situation with the right seriousness, Mike grinned at the memory. The expression on Porter Robinson's face when the bag hit him in the lower back was amusing, even if it wasn't meant to be.
The bereaved owner disapproved of this levity; and said as much.
The grieving owner didn't like this lightheartedness and said so.
“Don’t grin, you little beast,” he shouted. “There’s nothing to laugh at. You go chucking bags that don’t belong to you out of the window, and then you have the frightful cheek to grin about it.”
“Don’t grin, you little beast,” he shouted. “There’s nothing to laugh at. You’re throwing bags that don’t belong to you out of the window, and then you have the nerve to smile about it.”
“It wasn’t that,” said Mike hurriedly. “Only the porter looked awfully funny when it hit him.”
“It wasn’t that,” Mike said quickly. “It’s just that the porter looked really funny when it hit him.”
“Dash the porter! What’s going to happen about my bag? I can’t get out for half a second to buy a magazine without your flinging my things about the platform. What you want is a frightful kicking.”
“Darn it, porter! What’s going to happen to my bag? I can’t step out for even a second to grab a magazine without you throwing my stuff around on the platform. You deserve a serious kick in the pants.”
The situation was becoming difficult. But fortunately at this moment the train stopped once again; and, looking out of the window, Mike saw a board with East Wobsley upon it in large letters. A moment later Bob’s head appeared in the doorway.
The situation was getting tough. But luckily, at that moment, the train stopped again; and, looking out the window, Mike saw a sign with East Wobsley written in big letters. A moment later, Bob’s head popped up in the doorway.
“Hullo, there you are,” said Bob.
“Halo, there you are,” said Bob.
His eye fell upon Mike’s companion.
His gaze landed on Mike's friend.
“Hullo, Gazeka!” he exclaimed. “Where did you spring from? Do you know my brother? He’s coming to Wrykyn this term. By the way, rather lucky you’ve met. He’s in your house. Firby-Smith’s head of Wain’s, Mike.”
“Helloooo, Gazeka!” he shouted. “Where did you pop up from? Do you know my brother? He’s coming to Wrykyn this term. By the way, it’s pretty lucky you ran into each other. He’s in your house. Firby-Smith’s head of Wain’s, Mike.”
Mike gathered that Gazeka and Firby-Smith were one and the same person. He grinned again. Firby-Smith continued to look ruffled, though not aggressive.
Mike realized that Gazeka and Firby-Smith were actually the same person. He grinned again. Firby-Smith still looked ruffled, but not threatening.
“Oh, are you in Wain’s?” he said.
“Oh, are you at Wain’s?” he said.
“I say, Bob,” said Mike, “I’ve made rather an ass of myself.”
“I gotta say, Bob,” Mike said, “I really made a fool of myself.”
“Naturally.”
“Of course.”
“I mean, what happened was this. I chucked Firby-Smith’s portmanteau out of the window, thinking he’d got out, only he hadn’t really, and it’s at a station miles back.”
“I mean, here's what happened. I threw Firby-Smith’s suitcase out of the window, thinking he had gotten out, but he actually hadn’t, and it's at a station miles away.”
“You’re a bit of a rotter, aren’t you? Had it got your name and address on it, Gazeka?”
“You're kind of a jerk, aren't you? Did it have your name and address on it, Gazeka?"
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Oh, then it’s certain to be all right. It’s bound to turn up some time. They’ll send it on by the next train, and you’ll get it either to-night or to-morrow.”
“Oh, then it’s definitely going to be fine. It’s sure to show up eventually. They’ll send it on the next train, and you’ll receive it either tonight or tomorrow.”
“Frightful nuisance, all the same. Lots of things in it I wanted.”
“Such a hassle, anyway. There were so many things in it that I wanted.”
“Oh, never mind, it’s all right. I say, what have you been doing in the holidays? I didn’t know you lived on this line at all.”
“Oh, it’s fine, really. So, what have you been up to during the holidays? I didn’t realize you lived along this route.”
From this point onwards Mike was out of the conversation altogether. Bob and Firby-Smith talked of Wrykyn, discussing events of the previous term of which Mike had never heard. Names came into their conversation which were entirely new to him. He realised that school politics were being talked, and that contributions from him to the dialogue were not required. He took up his magazine again, listening the while. They were discussing Wain’s now. The name Wyatt cropped up with some frequency. Wyatt was apparently something of a character. Mention was made of rows in which he had played a part in the past.
From this point on, Mike was completely out of the conversation. Bob and Firby-Smith talked about Wrykyn, discussing events from the previous term that Mike had never heard of. Names popped up in their conversation that were totally new to him. He realized they were talking about school politics and that he didn’t need to contribute to the discussion. He picked up his magazine again while listening. They were talking about Wain now. The name Wyatt came up pretty often. Wyatt was apparently quite a character. They mentioned some conflicts he had been involved in before.
“It must be pretty rotten for him,” said Bob. “He and Wain never get on very well, and yet they have to be together, holidays as well as term. Pretty bad having a step-father at all—I shouldn’t care to—and when your house-master and your step-father are the same man, it’s a bit thick.”
“It must be pretty tough for him,” said Bob. “He and Wain never really get along, and yet they have to be together, both during breaks and school. It’s pretty rough having a step-dad at all—I wouldn’t like that—and when your housemaster and your step-dad are the same person, it’s a bit much.”
“Frightful,” agreed Firby-Smith.
“Terrifying,” agreed Firby-Smith.
“I swear, if I were in Wyatt’s place, I should rot about like anything. It isn’t as if he’d anything to look forward to when he leaves. He told me last term that Wain had got a nomination for him in some beastly bank, and that he was going into it directly after the end of this term. Rather rough on a chap like Wyatt. Good cricketer and footballer, I mean, and all that sort of thing. It’s just the sort of life he’ll hate most. Hullo, here we are.”
"I swear, if I were in Wyatt’s shoes, I’d be totally miserable. It's not like he has anything to look forward to after he leaves. He told me last term that Wain had gotten him a job at some awful bank, and he’s going to start right after this term ends. That's pretty tough on someone like Wyatt. Good cricketer and football player, you know, and all that. It’s the kind of life he’ll absolutely hate. Hey, here we are."
Mike looked out of the window. It was Wrykyn at last.
Mike looked out the window. He was finally in Wrykyn.
CHAPTER III
MIKE FINDS A FRIENDLY NATIVE
Mike was surprised to find, on alighting, that the platform was entirely free from Wrykynians. In all the stories he had read the whole school came back by the same train, and, having smashed in one another’s hats and chaffed the porters, made their way to the school buildings in a solid column. But here they were alone.
Mike was surprised to see, upon getting off, that the platform was completely empty of Wrykynians. In all the stories he had read, the entire school returned on the same train and, after smashing each other's hats and teasing the porters, made their way to the school buildings in a solid group. But here, they were alone.
A remark of Bob’s to Firby-Smith explained this. “Can’t make out why none of the fellows came back by this train,” he said. “Heaps of them must come by this line, and it’s the only Christian train they run,”
A comment from Bob to Firby-Smith clarified this. “I can’t understand why none of the guys came back on this train,” he said. “A lot of them have to come by this route, and it’s the only decent train they run.”
“Don’t want to get here before the last minute they can possibly manage. Silly idea. I suppose they think there’d be nothing to do.”
“Don’t want to get here before the last minute they can manage. Silly idea. I guess they think there’d be nothing to do.”
“What shall we do?” said Bob. “Come and have some tea at Cook’s?”
“What should we do?” said Bob. “Want to come have some tea at Cook’s?”
“All right.”
“Okay.”
Bob looked at Mike. There was no disguising the fact that he would be in the way; but how convey this fact delicately to him?
Bob looked at Mike. There was no hiding the fact that he would be in the way; but how could he tell him this gently?
“Look here, Mike,” he said, with a happy inspiration, “Firby-Smith and I are just going to get some tea. I think you’d better nip up to the school. Probably Wain will want to see you, and tell you all about things, which is your dorm. and so on. See you later,” he concluded airily. “Any one’ll tell you the way to the school. Go straight on. They’ll send your luggage on later. So long.” And his sole prop in this world of strangers departed, leaving him to find his way for himself.
“Hey, Mike,” he said, with a burst of excitement, “Firby-Smith and I are just about to grab some tea. I think you should head up to the school. Wain will probably want to see you and fill you in on everything, like your dorm and all that. Catch you later,” he finished casually. “Anyone can show you the way to the school. Just go straight ahead. They’ll send your luggage later. Bye for now.” And with that, his only support in this unfamiliar place left him to navigate on his own.
There is no subject on which opinions differ so widely as this matter of finding the way to a place. To the man who knows, it is simplicity itself. Probably he really does imagine that he goes straight on, ignoring the fact that for him the choice of three roads, all more or less straight, has no perplexities. The man who does not know feels as if he were in a maze.
There’s no topic where people have such different opinions as finding the way to a place. For the person who knows the way, it’s completely straightforward. They probably think they're just going straight ahead, not realizing that for them, choosing between three almost straight roads isn’t confusing at all. The person who doesn’t know feels like they’re lost in a maze.
Mike started out boldly, and lost his way. Go in which direction he would, he always seemed to arrive at a square with a fountain and an equestrian statue in its centre. On the fourth repetition of this feat he stopped in a disheartened way, and looked about him. He was beginning to feel bitter towards Bob. The man might at least have shown him where to get some tea.
Mike set out confidently but quickly got lost. No matter which way he turned, he always ended up in a square with a fountain and a statue of a horse and rider in the middle. After doing this for the fourth time, he paused, feeling defeated, and looked around. He was starting to feel resentful towards Bob. The guy could have at least pointed him to a place to get some tea.
At this moment a ray of hope shone through the gloom. Crossing the square was a short, thick-set figure clad in grey flannel trousers, a blue blazer, and a straw hat with a coloured band. Plainly a Wrykynian. Mike made for him.
At that moment, a ray of hope broke through the darkness. A short, stocky person in gray flannel pants, a blue blazer, and a straw hat with a colorful band was crossing the square. Clearly a Wrykynian. Mike headed towards him.
“Can you tell me the way to the school, please,” he said.
“Can you tell me how to get to the school, please?” he asked.
“Oh, you’re going to the school,” said the other. He had a pleasant, square-jawed face, reminiscent of a good-tempered bull-dog, and a pair of very deep-set grey eyes which somehow put Mike at his ease. There was something singularly cool and genial about them. He felt that they saw the humour in things, and that their owner was a person who liked most people and whom most people liked.
“Oh, you’re heading to school,” said the other. He had a friendly, square-jawed face, like a good-natured bulldog, and a pair of very deep-set gray eyes that somehow made Mike feel at ease. There was something uniquely calm and warm about them. He sensed that they appreciated the humor in things, and that their owner was someone who liked most people and was liked by most people.
“You look rather lost,” said the stranger. “Been hunting for it long?”
“You look kind of lost,” said the stranger. “Have you been looking for it long?”
“Yes,” said Mike.
“Yes,” Mike said.
“Which house do you want?”
"Which house do you want?"
“Wain’s.”
"Wain's."
“Wain’s? Then you’ve come to the right man this time. What I don’t know about Wain’s isn’t worth knowing.”
“Wain’s? Then you’ve come to the right person this time. What I don’t know about Wain’s isn’t worth knowing.”
“Are you there, too?”
“Are you there as well?”
“Am I not! Term and holidays. There’s no close season for me.”
“Am I not! Term and holidays. There’s no off-season for me.”
“Oh, are you Wyatt, then?” asked Mike.
“Oh, so you’re Wyatt, right?” asked Mike.
“Hullo, this is fame. How did you know my name, as the ass in the detective story always says to the detective, who’s seen it in the lining of his hat? Who’s been talking about me?”
“Hullo, this is fame. How did you know my name, like the idiot in the detective story always asks the detective, who’s found it in the lining of his hat? Who’s been talking about me?”
“I heard my brother saying something about you in the train.”
“I heard my brother talking about you on the train.”
“Who’s your brother?”
“Who is your brother?”
“Jackson. He’s in Donaldson’s.”
“Jackson. He’s at Donaldson’s.”
“I know. A stout fellow. So you’re the newest make of Jackson, latest model, with all the modern improvements? Are there any more of you?”
“I know. A hefty guy. So you’re the latest version of Jackson, the newest model, with all the updates? Are there any more like you?”
“Not brothers,” said Mike.
"Not brothers," Mike said.
“Pity. You can’t quite raise a team, then? Are you a sort of young Tyldesley, too?”
“Too bad. You can’t really pull together a team, huh? Are you a bit of a young Tyldesley as well?”
“I played a bit at my last school. Only a private school, you know,” added Mike modestly.
“I played a bit at my last school. Just a private school, you know,” Mike added modestly.
“Make any runs? What was your best score?”
“Did you score any runs? What was your highest score?”
“Hundred and twenty-three,” said Mike awkwardly. “It was only against kids, you know.” He was in terror lest he should seem to be bragging.
“Hundred and twenty-three,” said Mike awkwardly. “It was just against kids, you know.” He was terrified of coming off as if he were bragging.
“That’s pretty useful. Any more centuries?”
"That’s really useful. Any more centuries?"
“Yes,” said Mike, shuffling.
“Yeah,” said Mike, shuffling.
“How many?”
“How many?”
“Seven altogether. You know, it was really awfully rotten bowling. And I was a good bit bigger than most of the chaps there. And my pater always has a pro. down in the Easter holidays, which gave me a bit of an advantage.”
“Seven in total. You know, it was honestly pretty terrible bowling. And I was quite a bit bigger than most of the guys there. Plus, my dad always hires a pro during the Easter holidays, which gave me a bit of an edge.”
“All the same, seven centuries isn’t so dusty against any bowling. We shall want some batting in the house this term. Look here, I was just going to have some tea. You come along, too.”
“All the same, seven centuries isn’t so bad against any bowling. We’ll need some good batting in the house this term. Look, I was just about to have some tea. You should come along, too.”
“Oh, thanks awfully,” said Mike. “My brother and Firby-Smith have gone to a place called Cook’s.”
“Oh, thanks a lot,” said Mike. “My brother and Firby-Smith have gone to a place called Cook’s.”
“The old Gazeka? I didn’t know he lived in your part of the world. He’s head of Wain’s.”
“The old Gazeka? I didn’t know he lived around your area. He’s in charge of Wain’s.”
“Yes, I know,” said Mike. “Why is he called Gazeka?” he asked after a pause.
“Yes, I know,” Mike said. “Why do they call him Gazeka?” he asked after a moment.
“Don’t you think he looks like one? What did you think of him?”
“Don’t you think he looks like one? What do you think of him?”
“I didn’t speak to him much,” said Mike cautiously. It is always delicate work answering a question like this unless one has some sort of an inkling as to the views of the questioner.
“I didn’t talk to him much,” said Mike carefully. It’s always tricky to answer a question like this unless you have some idea of what the person asking thinks.
“He’s all right,” said Wyatt, answering for himself. “He’s got a habit of talking to one as if he were a prince of the blood dropping a gracious word to one of the three Small-Heads at the Hippodrome, but that’s his misfortune. We all have our troubles. That’s his. Let’s go in here. It’s too far to sweat to Cook’s.”
“He’s fine,” said Wyatt, speaking for himself. “He tends to talk to people like he’s a royal giving a kind word to one of the three Small-Heads at the Hippodrome, but that’s just his issue. We all have our problems. That’s his. Let’s go in here. It’s too far to walk to Cook’s.”
It was about a mile from the tea-shop to the school. Mike’s first impression on arriving at the school grounds was of his smallness and insignificance. Everything looked so big—the buildings, the grounds, everything. He felt out of the picture. He was glad that he had met Wyatt. To make his entrance into this strange land alone would have been more of an ordeal than he would have cared to face.
It was about a mile from the tea shop to the school. Mike’s first impression when he got to the school grounds was how small and unimportant he felt. Everything seemed so big—the buildings, the grounds, everything. He felt out of place. He was grateful that he had met Wyatt. Entering this unfamiliar territory alone would have been more than he wanted to handle.
“That’s Wain’s,” said Wyatt, pointing to one of half a dozen large houses which lined the road on the south side of the cricket field. Mike followed his finger, and took in the size of his new home.
“That's Wain's,” said Wyatt, pointing to one of the several large houses that lined the road on the south side of the cricket field. Mike followed his finger and took in the size of his new home.
“I say, it’s jolly big,” he said. “How many fellows are there in it?”
“I say, it’s really big,” he said. “How many guys are in it?”
“Thirty-one this term, I believe.”
"Thirty-one this term, I think."
“That’s more than there were at King-Hall’s.”
“That’s more than there were at King-Hall’s.”
“What’s King-Hall’s?”
"What's King-Hall?"
“The private school I was at. At Emsworth.”
“The private school I attended. At Emsworth.”
Emsworth seemed very remote and unreal to him as he spoke.
Emsworth felt far away and almost surreal to him as he spoke.
They skirted the cricket field, walking along the path that divided the two terraces. The Wrykyn playing-fields were formed of a series of huge steps, cut out of the hill. At the top of the hill came the school. On the first terrace was a sort of informal practice ground, where, though no games were played on it, there was a good deal of punting and drop-kicking in the winter and fielding-practice in the summer. The next terrace was the biggest of all, and formed the first eleven cricket ground, a beautiful piece of turf, a shade too narrow for its length, bounded on the terrace side by a sharply sloping bank, some fifteen feet deep, and on the other by the precipice leading to the next terrace. At the far end of the ground stood the pavilion, and beside it a little ivy-covered rabbit-hutch for the scorers. Old Wrykynians always claimed that it was the prettiest school ground in England. It certainly had the finest view. From the verandah of the pavilion you could look over three counties.
They walked around the cricket field, following the path that divided the two terraces. The Wrykyn playing fields were made up of a series of large steps carved out of the hill. At the top of the hill was the school. The first terrace had a kind of informal practice area where, even though no games were played, there was quite a bit of punting and drop-kicking in the winter, along with fielding practice in the summer. The next terrace was the largest of all, serving as the first eleven cricket ground, which had a beautiful stretch of grass, a little too narrow for its length, bordered on one side by a steep bank about fifteen feet deep, and on the other by the drop leading to the next terrace. At the far end of the ground was the pavilion, and next to it was a small ivy-covered hut for the scorers. Former Wrykyn students always claimed it was the prettiest school ground in England. It definitely had the best view. From the pavilion's verandah, you could see over three counties.
Wain’s house wore an empty and desolate appearance. There were signs of activity, however, inside; and a smell of soap and warm water told of preparations recently completed.
Wain’s house looked empty and abandoned. However, there were signs of activity inside, and the smell of soap and warm water indicated that preparations had just been finished.
Wyatt took Mike into the matron’s room, a small room opening out of the main passage.
Wyatt brought Mike into the matron's room, a small space that opened off the main hall.
“This is Jackson,” he said. “Which dormitory is he in, Miss Payne?”
“This is Jackson,” he said. “Which dorm is he in, Miss Payne?”
The matron consulted a paper.
The matron checked a document.
“He’s in yours, Wyatt.”
“He’s in your team, Wyatt.”
“Good business. Who’s in the other bed? There are going to be three of us, aren’t there?”
“Good business. Who's in the other bed? There are going to be three of us, right?”
“Fereira was to have slept there, but we have just heard that he is not coming back this term. He has had to go on a sea-voyage for his health.”
“Fereira was supposed to have slept there, but we just heard that he isn’t coming back this term. He had to go on a sea voyage for his health.”
“Seems queer any one actually taking the trouble to keep Fereira in the world,” said Wyatt. “I’ve often thought of giving him Rough On Rats myself. Come along, Jackson, and I’ll show you the room.”
“Seems strange that anyone would actually go through the effort to keep Fereira alive,” said Wyatt. “I’ve often considered giving him Rough On Rats myself. Come on, Jackson, and I’ll show you the room.”
They went along the passage, and up a flight of stairs.
They walked down the hallway and up a flight of stairs.
“Here you are,” said Wyatt.
“Here you go,” said Wyatt.
It was a fair-sized room. The window, heavily barred, looked out over a large garden.
It was a decent-sized room. The window, heavily barred, overlooked a spacious garden.
“I used to sleep here alone last term,” said Wyatt, “but the house is so full now they’ve turned it into a dormitory.”
“I used to sleep here by myself last term,” Wyatt said, “but the house is so crowded now that they’ve turned it into a dorm.”
“I say, I wish these bars weren’t here. It would be rather a rag to get out of the window on to that wall at night, and hop down into the garden and explore,” said Mike.
“I really wish these bars weren't here. It would be kind of a pain to climb out of the window onto that wall at night, then jump down into the garden and explore,” said Mike.
Wyatt looked at him curiously, and moved to the window.
Wyatt glanced at him with curiosity and walked over to the window.
“I’m not going to let you do it, of course,” he said, “because you’d go getting caught, and dropped on, which isn’t good for one in one’s first term; but just to amuse you——”
“I’m not going to let you do it, of course,” he said, “because you’d end up getting caught and in trouble, which isn’t great for someone in their first term; but just to entertain you——”
He jerked at the middle bar, and the next moment he was standing with it in his hand, and the way to the garden was clear.
He yanked on the middle bar, and the next moment he was standing there holding it, with the path to the garden wide open.
“By Jove!” said Mike.
“By God!” said Mike.
“That’s simply an object-lesson, you know,” said Wyatt, replacing the bar, and pushing the screws back into their putty. “I get out at night myself because I think my health needs it. Besides, it’s my last term, anyhow, so it doesn’t matter what I do. But if I find you trying to cut out in the small hours, there’ll be trouble. See?”
“That’s just a lesson, you know,” said Wyatt, putting the bar back and pushing the screws into their putty. “I go out at night myself because I think my health needs it. Besides, it’s my last term anyway, so it doesn’t matter what I do. But if I catch you trying to sneak out in the early hours, there’ll be trouble. Got it?”
“All right,” said Mike, reluctantly. “But I wish you’d let me.”
"Okay," Mike said, hesitantly. "But I wish you'd allow me to."
“Not if I know it. Promise you won’t try it on.”
“Not if I can help it. Promise me you won’t attempt it.”
“All right. But, I say, what do you do out there?”
“All right. But, I’m curious, what do you do out there?”
“I shoot at cats with an air-pistol, the beauty of which is that even if you hit them it doesn’t hurt—simply keeps them bright and interested in life; and if you miss you’ve had all the fun anyhow. Have you ever shot at a rocketing cat? Finest mark you can have. Society’s latest craze. Buy a pistol and see life.”
“I shoot at cats with an air pistol, the beauty of it being that even if you hit them, it doesn’t hurt—it just keeps them lively and curious about life; and if you miss, you still have all the fun. Have you ever shot at a flying cat? It’s the best target you can have. Society’s latest craze. Get a pistol and experience life.”
“I wish you’d let me come.”
“I wish you would let me come.”
“I daresay you do. Not much, however. Now, if you like, I’ll take you over the rest of the school. You’ll have to see it sooner or later, so you may as well get it over at once.”
“I bet you do. Not a lot, though. Now, if you want, I can show you the rest of the school. You’re going to have to see it eventually, so you might as well get it done now.”
CHAPTER IV
AT THE NETS
There are few better things in life than a public school summer term. The winter term is good, especially towards the end, and there are points, though not many, about the Easter term: but it is in the summer that one really appreciates public school life. The freedom of it, after the restrictions of even the most easy-going private school, is intoxicating. The change is almost as great as that from public school to ’Varsity.
There are few things in life better than a public school summer term. The winter term is good, especially toward the end, and there are some positives, though not many, about the Easter term; but it's in the summer that you truly appreciate public school life. The freedom you experience after the restrictions of even the most relaxed private school is exhilarating. The change is almost as significant as going from public school to university.
For Mike the path was made particularly easy. The only drawback to going to a big school for the first time is the fact that one is made to feel so very small and inconspicuous. New boys who have been leading lights at their private schools feel it acutely for the first week. At one time it was the custom, if we may believe writers of a generation or so back, for boys to take quite an embarrassing interest in the newcomer. He was asked a rain of questions, and was, generally, in the very centre of the stage. Nowadays an absolute lack of interest is the fashion. A new boy arrives, and there he is, one of a crowd.
For Mike, the transition was pretty straightforward. The only downside to starting at a big school for the first time is that it makes you feel really small and invisible. New boys who were stars at their private schools really feel this during the first week. Back in the day, if we can trust the writers from a generation ago, it was common for boys to take a rather awkward interest in the newcomer. They would bombard him with questions and he would generally be the center of attention. Nowadays, showing no interest is the trend. A new boy arrives, and he just becomes part of the crowd.
Mike was saved this salutary treatment to a large extent, at first by virtue of the greatness of his family, and, later, by his own performances on the cricket field. His three elder brothers were objects of veneration to most Wrykynians, and Mike got a certain amount of reflected glory from them. The brother of first-class cricketers has a dignity of his own. Then Bob was a help. He was on the verge of the cricket team and had been the school full-back for two seasons. Mike found that people came up and spoke to him, anxious to know if he were Jackson’s brother; and became friendly when he replied in the affirmative. Influential relations are a help in every stage of life.
Mike benefited from this positive treatment mainly because of his family's reputation at first, and later because of his own achievements on the cricket field. His three older brothers were admired by most people in Wrykyn, and Mike gained some of that admiration by association. Being the brother of first-class cricketers carries its own weight. Then there was Bob. He was close to making the cricket team and had been the school’s full-back for two seasons. Mike noticed that people approached him, eager to ask if he was Jackson’s brother; they became friendly once he confirmed it. Having influential relatives is helpful at every stage of life.
It was Wyatt who gave him his first chance at cricket. There were nets on the first afternoon of term for all old colours of the three teams and a dozen or so of those most likely to fill the vacant places. Wyatt was there, of course. He had got his first eleven cap in the previous season as a mighty hitter and a fair slow bowler. Mike met him crossing the field with his cricket bag.
It was Wyatt who gave him his first shot at cricket. There were practice nets on the first afternoon of the term for all the past players from the three teams and a dozen or so of those likely to fill the open spots. Wyatt was there, of course. He had earned his first eleven cap in the previous season as a powerful hitter and a decent slow bowler. Mike ran into him while crossing the field with his cricket bag.
“Hullo, where are you off to?” asked Wyatt. “Coming to watch the nets?”
“Hullo, where are you going?” asked Wyatt. “Are you coming to watch the nets?”
Mike had no particular programme for the afternoon. Junior cricket had not begun, and it was a little difficult to know how to fill in the time.
Mike didn't have any specific plans for the afternoon. Junior cricket hadn't started yet, and it was a bit tricky to figure out how to pass the time.
“I tell you what,” said Wyatt, “nip into the house and shove on some things, and I’ll try and get Burgess to let you have a knock later on.”
“I’ll tell you what,” said Wyatt, “go into the house and throw on some clothes, and I’ll try to get Burgess to let you come by later.”
This suited Mike admirably. A quarter of an hour later he was sitting at the back of the first eleven net, watching the practice.
This worked perfectly for Mike. Fifteen minutes later, he was sitting at the back of the first eleven net, watching the practice.
Burgess, the captain of the Wrykyn team, made no pretence of being a bat. He was the school fast bowler and concentrated his energies on that department of the game. He sometimes took ten minutes at the wicket after everybody else had had an innings, but it was to bowl that he came to the nets.
Burgess, the captain of the Wrykyn team, didn't pretend to be a batsman. He was the school’s fast bowler and focused his efforts on that aspect of the game. Occasionally, he would spend ten minutes at the wicket after everyone else had batted, but he came to the nets to bowl.
He was bowling now to one of the old colours whose name Mike did not know. Wyatt and one of the professionals were the other two bowlers. Two nets away Firby-Smith, who had changed his pince-nez for a pair of huge spectacles, was performing rather ineffectively against some very bad bowling. Mike fixed his attention on the first eleven man.
He was bowling now to one of the old colors whose name Mike didn't know. Wyatt and one of the pros were the other two bowlers. Two nets away, Firby-Smith, who had swapped his pince-nez for a pair of giant glasses, was struggling against some really poor bowling. Mike focused his attention on the first eleven guy.
He was evidently a good bat. There was style and power in his batting. He had a way of gliding Burgess’s fastest to leg which Mike admired greatly. He was succeeded at the end of a quarter of an hour by another eleven man, and then Bob appeared.
He was clearly a good batter. There was style and power in his hitting. He had a knack for sending Burgess’s fastest balls to the leg side, which Mike admired a lot. After about fifteen minutes, another player took his place, and then Bob showed up.
It was soon made evident that this was not Bob’s day. Nobody is at his best on the first day of term; but Bob was worse than he had any right to be. He scratched forward at nearly everything, and when Burgess, who had been resting, took up the ball again, he had each stump uprooted in a regular series in seven balls. Once he skied one of Wyatt’s slows over the net behind the wicket; and Mike, jumping up, caught him neatly.
It quickly became clear that this was not Bob’s day. No one performs at their best on the first day of term, but Bob was doing worse than expected. He struggled with nearly everything, and when Burgess, who had been resting, picked up the ball again, he knocked out all of Bob's stumps in a row within seven balls. At one point, he hit one of Wyatt’s slow balls high over the net behind the wicket, and Mike jumped up and caught it perfectly.
“Thanks,” said Bob austerely, as Mike returned the ball to him. He seemed depressed.
“Thanks,” Bob said seriously, as Mike passed the ball back to him. He looked down.
Towards the end of the afternoon, Wyatt went up to Burgess.
Towards the end of the afternoon, Wyatt went up to Burgess.
“Burgess,” he said, “see that kid sitting behind the net?”
“Burgess,” he said, “look at that kid sitting behind the net?”
“With the naked eye,” said Burgess. “Why?”
“With the naked eye,” Burgess said. “Why?”
“He’s just come to Wain’s. He’s Bob Jackson’s brother, and I’ve a sort of idea that he’s a bit of a bat. I told him I’d ask you if he could have a knock. Why not send him in at the end net? There’s nobody there now.”
“He just arrived at Wain’s. He’s Bob Jackson’s brother, and I have a feeling he’s kind of odd. I told him I’d check with you to see if he could play. Why not let him into the end net? There’s no one there right now.”
Burgess’s amiability off the field equalled his ruthlessness when bowling.
Burgess’s friendliness off the field matched his fierceness when bowling.
“All right,” he said. “Only if you think that I’m going to sweat to bowl to him, you’re making a fatal error.”
“All right,” he said. “If you think I’m going to exert myself to bowl to him, you’re making a huge mistake.”
“You needn’t do a thing. Just sit and watch. I rather fancy this kid’s something special.”
“You don’t have to do anything. Just sit and watch. I really think this kid’s something special.”
Mike put on Wyatt’s pads and gloves, borrowed his bat, and walked round into the net.
Mike put on Wyatt's pads and gloves, borrowed his bat, and walked over to the net.
“Not in a funk, are you?” asked Wyatt, as he passed.
“Feeling down, are you?” asked Wyatt, as he walked by.
Mike grinned. The fact was that he had far too good an opinion of himself to be nervous. An entirely modest person seldom makes a good batsman. Batting is one of those things which demand first and foremost a thorough belief in oneself. It need not be aggressive, but it must be there.
Mike grinned. The truth was that he had way too high an opinion of himself to feel nervous. A completely modest person rarely makes a good batsman. Batting is one of those things that requires, above all, a strong belief in oneself. It doesn’t have to be aggressive, but it definitely has to be there.
Wyatt and the professional were the bowlers. Mike had seen enough of Wyatt’s bowling to know that it was merely ordinary “slow tosh,” and the professional did not look as difficult as Saunders. The first half-dozen balls he played carefully. He was on trial, and he meant to take no risks. Then the professional over-pitched one slightly on the off. Mike jumped out, and got the full face of the bat on to it. The ball hit one of the ropes of the net, and nearly broke it.
Wyatt and the pro were the bowlers. Mike had seen enough of Wyatt’s bowling to know it was just average “slow stuff,” and the pro didn’t seem as tough as Saunders. He played the first few balls cautiously. He was on trial, and he intended to take no chances. Then the pro slightly over-pitched one on the off side. Mike stepped out and connected perfectly with the bat. The ball hit one of the ropes of the net and almost broke it.
“How’s that?” said Wyatt, with the smile of an impresario on the first night of a successful piece.
“How’s that?” Wyatt said, smiling like a director on the opening night of a hit show.
“Not bad,” admitted Burgess.
“Not bad,” Burgess said.
A few moments later he was still more complimentary. He got up and took a ball himself.
A few moments later, he was even more flattering. He stood up and grabbed a ball himself.
Mike braced himself up as Burgess began his run. This time he was more than a trifle nervous. The bowling he had had so far had been tame. This would be the real ordeal.
Mike prepared himself as Burgess started his run. This time he was more than a little nervous. The bowling he had faced so far had been easy. This would be the real challenge.
As the ball left Burgess’s hand he began instinctively to shape for a forward stroke. Then suddenly he realised that the thing was going to be a yorker, and banged his bat down in the block just as the ball arrived. An unpleasant sensation as of having been struck by a thunderbolt was succeeded by a feeling of relief that he had kept the ball out of his wicket. There are easier things in the world than stopping a fast yorker.
As the ball left Burgess's hand, he instinctively prepared for a forward stroke. Then he suddenly realized that it was going to be a yorker and slammed his bat down in a block just as the ball got there. An uncomfortable sensation, like being hit by a thunderbolt, was followed by relief that he had managed to keep the ball from hitting his wicket. There are definitely easier things in the world than stopping a fast yorker.
“Well played,” said Burgess.
“Nice job,” said Burgess.
Mike felt like a successful general receiving the thanks of the nation.
Mike felt like a successful general being thanked by the nation.
The fact that Burgess’s next ball knocked middle and off stumps out of the ground saddened him somewhat; but this was the last tragedy that occurred. He could not do much with the bowling beyond stopping it and feeling repetitions of the thunderbolt experience, but he kept up his end; and a short conversation which he had with Burgess at the end of his innings was full of encouragement to one skilled in reading between the lines.
The fact that Burgess’s next ball knocked the middle and off stumps out of the ground made him a bit sad; but that was the last tragedy that happened. He couldn’t do much with the bowling except stop it and relive the thunderbolt experience, but he held his own; and a brief chat he had with Burgess at the end of his innings was really encouraging to someone good at reading between the lines.
“Thanks awfully,” said Mike, referring to the square manner in which the captain had behaved in letting him bat.
“Thanks a lot,” said Mike, referring to the straightforward way the captain had acted in allowing him to bat.
“What school were you at before you came here?” asked Burgess.
“What school were you at before coming here?” asked Burgess.
“A private school in Hampshire,” said Mike. “King-Hall’s. At a place called Emsworth.”
“A private school in Hampshire,” said Mike. “King-Hall’s. In a town called Emsworth.”
“Get much cricket there?”
"Is there a lot of cricket?"
“Yes, a good lot. One of the masters, a chap called Westbrook, was an awfully good slow bowler.”
“Yes, quite a bit. One of the coaches, a guy named Westbrook, was an excellent slow bowler.”
Burgess nodded.
Burgess agreed.
“You don’t run away, which is something,” he said.
“You don’t run away, which is something,” he said.
Mike turned purple with pleasure at this stately compliment. Then, having waited for further remarks, but gathering from the captain’s silence that the audience was at an end, he proceeded to unbuckle his pads. Wyatt overtook him on his way to the house.
Mike flushed with pleasure at this formal compliment. After waiting for more comments, but sensing from the captain's silence that the conversation was over, he began to unbuckle his pads. Wyatt caught up with him on the way to the house.
“Well played,” he said. “I’d no idea you were such hot stuff. You’re a regular pro.”
“Well done,” he said. “I had no idea you were so talented. You’re a total pro.”
“I say,” said Mike gratefully, “it was most awfully decent of you getting Burgess to let me go in. It was simply ripping of you.”
“I have to say,” Mike said appreciatively, “it was really great of you to get Burgess to let me in. That was just awesome of you.”
“Oh, that’s all right. If you don’t get pushed a bit here you stay for ages in the hundredth game with the cripples and the kids. Now you’ve shown them what you can do you ought to get into the Under Sixteen team straight away. Probably into the third, too.”
“Oh, that’s okay. If you don’t get challenged a bit here, you’ll stay stuck in the hundredth game with the disabled and the kids for ages. Now that you’ve shown them what you’re capable of, you should be able to join the Under Sixteen team right away. Probably even the third team, too.”
“By Jove, that would be all right.”
"Wow, that would be awesome."
“I asked Burgess afterwards what he thought of your batting, and he said, ‘Not bad.’ But he says that about everything. It’s his highest form of praise. He says it when he wants to let himself go and simply butter up a thing. If you took him to see N. A. Knox bowl, he’d say he wasn’t bad. What he meant was that he was jolly struck with your batting, and is going to play you for the Under Sixteen.”
“I asked Burgess later what he thought of your batting, and he said, ‘Not bad.’ But he says that about everything. It’s his highest form of praise. He says it when he wants to let loose and just compliment something. If you took him to watch N. A. Knox bowl, he’d say he wasn’t bad. What he really meant was that he was really impressed with your batting and is going to have you play for the Under Sixteen.”
“I hope so,” said Mike.
"I hope so," Mike said.
The prophecy was fulfilled. On the following Wednesday there was a match between the Under Sixteen and a scratch side. Mike’s name was among the Under Sixteen. And on the Saturday he was playing for the third eleven in a trial game.
The prophecy came true. The next Wednesday, there was a match between the Under Sixteen team and a makeshift side. Mike’s name was on the Under Sixteen roster. Then, on Saturday, he played for the third team in a practice game.
“This place is ripping,” he said to himself, as he saw his name on the list. “Thought I should like it.”
“This place is amazing,” he said to himself, as he saw his name on the list. “I thought I would enjoy it.”
And that night he wrote a letter to his father, notifying him of the fact.
And that night he wrote a letter to his dad, letting him know about it.
CHAPTER V
REVELRY BY NIGHT
A succession of events combined to upset Mike during his first fortnight at school. He was far more successful than he had any right to be at his age. There is nothing more heady than success, and if it comes before we are prepared for it, it is apt to throw us off our balance. As a rule, at school, years of wholesome obscurity make us ready for any small triumphs we may achieve at the end of our time there. Mike had skipped these years. He was older than the average new boy, and his batting was undeniable. He knew quite well that he was regarded as a find by the cricket authorities; and the knowledge was not particularly good for him. It did not make him conceited, for his was not a nature at all addicted to conceit. The effect it had on him was to make him excessively pleased with life. And when Mike was pleased with life he always found a difficulty in obeying Authority and its rules. His state of mind was not improved by an interview with Bob.
A series of events disrupted Mike during his first two weeks at school. He achieved far more success than anyone would expect at his age. There's nothing more intoxicating than success, and if it comes before we're ready for it, it can easily throw us off balance. Usually, at school, years of staying under the radar prepare us for the small victories we may have at the end of our time there. Mike had missed those years. He was older than the average newcomer, and his skills were undeniable. He knew that the cricket officials considered him a rare talent, and that awareness didn't do him any favors. It didn’t make him arrogant, as he wasn’t the type to be conceited. Instead, it made him overly pleased with life. And when Mike was in a good mood, he often struggled to follow Authority and its rules. His mindset didn’t improve after talking to Bob.
Some evil genius put it into Bob’s mind that it was his duty to be, if only for one performance, the Heavy Elder Brother to Mike; to give him good advice. It is never the smallest use for an elder brother to attempt to do anything for the good of a younger brother at school, for the latter rebels automatically against such interference in his concerns; but Bob did not know this. He only knew that he had received a letter from home, in which his mother had assumed without evidence that he was leading Mike by the hand round the pitfalls of life at Wrykyn; and his conscience smote him. Beyond asking him occasionally, when they met, how he was getting on (a question to which Mike invariably replied, “Oh, all right”), he was not aware of having done anything brotherly towards the youngster. So he asked Mike to tea in his study one afternoon before going to the nets.
Some wicked genius convinced Bob that it was his responsibility, even if just for one time, to be the big brother to Mike and give him some good advice. It's usually pointless for an older brother to try to help a younger brother at school, as the younger one automatically pushes back against any interference; but Bob didn’t realize this. He only knew that he had received a letter from home in which his mother had assumed, without any real basis, that he was guiding Mike through the challenges of life at Wrykyn, and it weighed on his conscience. Besides occasionally asking Mike how he was doing whenever they met (a question to which Mike always answered, “Oh, all right”), he didn’t think he had done anything brotherly for the kid. So he invited Mike to tea in his study one afternoon before heading to the nets.
Mike arrived, sidling into the study in the half-sheepish, half-defiant manner peculiar to small brothers in the presence of their elders, and stared in silence at the photographs on the walls. Bob was changing into his cricket things. The atmosphere was one of constraint and awkwardness.
Mike walked in, sliding into the study with a mix of shyness and rebellion that's typical for younger brothers around their older siblings, and silently gazed at the photos on the walls. Bob was getting changed into his cricket gear. The mood felt tense and uncomfortable.
The arrival of tea was the cue for conversation.
The arrival of tea was the signal for conversation.
“Well, how are you getting on?” asked Bob.
“Well, how are you doing?” asked Bob.
“Oh, all right,” said Mike.
“Oh, fine,” said Mike.
Silence.
Silence.
“Sugar?” asked Bob.
"Want sugar?" asked Bob.
“Thanks,” said Mike.
“Thanks,” Mike said.
“How many lumps?”
"How many lumps are there?"
“Two, please.”
“Two, please.”
“Cake?”
"Cake?"
“Thanks.”
"Thanks!"
Silence.
Silence.
Bob pulled himself together.
Bob gathered himself.
“Like Wain’s?”
"Like Wain's?"
“Ripping.”
"Ripping."
“I asked Firby-Smith to keep an eye on you,” said Bob.
“I asked Firby-Smith to watch over you,” said Bob.
“What!” said Mike.
“What!” Mike exclaimed.
The mere idea of a worm like the Gazeka being told to keep an eye on him was degrading.
The thought of a worm like the Gazeka being told to watch him felt humiliating.
“He said he’d look after you,” added Bob, making things worse.
“He said he’d take care of you,” Bob added, making things worse.
Look after him! Him!! M. Jackson, of the third eleven!!!
Look after him! Him!! M. Jackson, from the third team!!!
Mike helped himself to another chunk of cake, and spoke crushingly.
Mike grabbed another piece of cake and spoke harshly.
“He needn’t trouble,” he said. “I can look after myself all right, thanks.”
“He doesn’t need to worry,” he said. “I can take care of myself just fine, thanks.”
Bob saw an opening for the entry of the Heavy Elder Brother.
Bob saw a chance for the Heavy Elder Brother to come in.
“Look here, Mike,” he said, “I’m only saying it for your good——”
“Listen up, Mike,” he said, “I’m just saying this for your own good—”
I should like to state here that it was not Bob’s habit to go about the world telling people things solely for their good. He was only doing it now to ease his conscience.
I want to say here that it wasn't Bob's habit to go around telling people things just for their benefit. He was only doing it now to relieve his conscience.
“Yes?” said Mike coldly.
"Yes?" Mike replied coolly.
“It’s only this. You know, I should keep an eye on myself if I were you. There’s nothing that gets a chap so barred here as side.”
“It’s just this. You know, I should watch myself if I were you. There’s nothing that gets a guy shut out here like being on the side.”
“What do you mean?” said Mike, outraged.
“What do you mean?” Mike said, angry.
“Oh, I’m not saying anything against you so far,” said Bob. “You’ve been all right up to now. What I mean to say is, you’ve got on so well at cricket, in the third and so on, there’s just a chance you might start to side about a bit soon, if you don’t watch yourself. I’m not saying a word against you so far, of course. Only you see what I mean.”
“Oh, I’m not saying anything against you so far,” Bob said. “You’ve been fine up to now. What I’m trying to say is, you’ve done really well at cricket, in the third and all that, so there’s a chance you might start to get a bit arrogant soon if you’re not careful. I’m not criticizing you or anything, of course. Just that you understand what I mean.”
Mike’s feelings were too deep for words. In sombre silence he reached out for the jam; while Bob, satisfied that he had delivered his message in a pleasant and tactful manner, filled his cup, and cast about him for further words of wisdom.
Mike's feelings were too intense for words. In quiet sadness, he reached for the jam, while Bob, pleased that he had shared his message politely, poured himself a cup and looked around for more words of wisdom.
“Seen you about with Wyatt a good deal,” he said at length.
“I've noticed you've been with Wyatt quite a bit,” he said after a while.
“Yes,” said Mike.
“Yes,” Mike said.
“Like him?”
“Like him?”
“Yes,” said Mike cautiously.
"Yeah," Mike said cautiously.
“You know,” said Bob, “I shouldn’t—I mean, I should take care what you’re doing with Wyatt.”
“You know,” said Bob, “I shouldn’t—actually, I should be careful about what you’re doing with Wyatt.”
“What do you mean?”
"What do you mean?"
“Well, he’s an awfully good chap, of course, but still——”
“Well, he’s a really nice guy, of course, but still——”
“Still what?”
"Still what?"
“Well, I mean, he’s the sort of chap who’ll probably get into some thundering row before he leaves. He doesn’t care a hang what he does. He’s that sort of chap. He’s never been dropped on yet, but if you go on breaking rules you’re bound to be sooner or later. Thing is, it doesn’t matter much for him, because he’s leaving at the end of the term. But don’t let him drag you into anything. Not that he would try to. But you might think it was the blood thing to do to imitate him, and the first thing you knew you’d be dropped on by Wain or somebody. See what I mean?”
“Well, I mean, he’s the kind of guy who’ll probably get into some big trouble before he leaves. He doesn’t care at all about what he does. He’s that kind of guy. He hasn’t gotten in trouble yet, but if you keep breaking rules, it’s bound to catch up with you sooner or later. The thing is, it doesn’t matter much for him because he’s leaving at the end of the term. But don’t let him drag you into anything. Not that he would try to. But you might think it would be cool to imitate him, and before you know it, you’d be in trouble with Wain or someone. See what I mean?”
Bob was well-intentioned, but tact did not enter greatly into his composition.
Bob had good intentions, but he wasn’t very tactful.
“What rot!” said Mike.
“What nonsense!” said Mike.
“All right. But don’t you go doing it. I’m going over to the nets. I see Burgess has shoved you down for them. You’d better be going and changing. Stick on here a bit, though, if you want any more tea. I’ve got to be off myself.”
“All right. But don’t you dare do it. I’m heading over to the nets. I notice Burgess has signed you up for them. You should probably go and change. Stick around here a bit if you want more tea. I’ve got to leave myself.”
Mike changed for net-practice in a ferment of spiritual injury. It was maddening to be treated as an infant who had to be looked after. He felt very sore against Bob.
Mike changed for net practice, feeling a mix of frustration and hurt. It was infuriating to be treated like a child who needed constant care. He felt really upset with Bob.
A good innings at the third eleven net, followed by some strenuous fielding in the deep, soothed his ruffled feelings to a large extent; and all might have been well but for the intervention of Firby-Smith.
A solid practice session with the third team, along with some intense fielding in the outfield, eased his frayed emotions quite a bit; everything might have gone smoothly if it weren't for Firby-Smith's interruption.
That youth, all spectacles and front teeth, met Mike at the door of Wain’s.
That young guy, all glasses and front teeth, met Mike at the door of Wain’s.
“Ah, I wanted to see you, young man,” he said. (Mike disliked being called “young man.”) “Come up to my study.”
“Ah, I wanted to see you, kid,” he said. (Mike hated being called “kid.”) “Come up to my office.”
Mike followed him in silence to his study, and preserved his silence till Firby-Smith, having deposited his cricket-bag in a corner of the room and examined himself carefully in a looking-glass that hung over the mantelpiece, spoke again.
Mike followed him in silence to his study and stayed quiet until Firby-Smith, after dropping his cricket bag in a corner of the room and checking himself out in the mirror above the mantelpiece, spoke again.
“I’ve been hearing all about you, young man.” Mike shuffled.
“I’ve been hearing so much about you, young man.” Mike shuffled.
“You’re a frightful character from all accounts.” Mike could not think of anything to say that was not rude, so said nothing.
“You're a really scary person, by all reports.” Mike couldn't come up with anything to say that wasn't rude, so he just stayed quiet.
“Your brother has asked me to keep an eye on you.”
“Your brother asked me to look out for you.”
Mike’s soul began to tie itself into knots again. He was just at the age when one is most sensitive to patronage and most resentful of it.
Mike's soul started to get all knotted up again. He was at that age when people are most sensitive to being patronized and most resentful about it.
“I promised I would,” said the Gazeka, turning round and examining himself in the mirror again. “You’ll get on all right if you behave yourself. Don’t make a frightful row in the house. Don’t cheek your elders and betters. Wash. That’s all. Cut along.”
“I promised I would,” said the Gazeka, turning around and checking himself out in the mirror again. “You’ll be fine if you mind your manners. Don’t make a terrible noise in the house. Don’t talk back to your elders. Wash up. That’s it. Now be on your way.”
Mike had a vague idea of sacrificing his career to the momentary pleasure of flinging a chair at the head of the house. Overcoming this feeling, he walked out of the room, and up to his dormitory to change.
Mike had a fuzzy notion of throwing away his career for the quick thrill of hurling a chair at the house head. Pushing past that urge, he left the room and headed to his dorm to change.
In the dormitory that night the feeling of revolt, of wanting to do something actively illegal, increased. Like Eric, he burned, not with shame and remorse, but with rage and all that sort of thing. He dropped off to sleep full of half-formed plans for asserting himself. He was awakened from a dream in which he was batting against Firby-Smith’s bowling, and hitting it into space every time, by a slight sound. He opened his eyes, and saw a dark figure silhouetted against the light of the window. He sat up in bed.
In the dorm that night, the feeling of rebellion, of wanting to do something outright illegal, grew stronger. Like Eric, he was consumed, not with guilt or regret, but with anger and that kind of stuff. He drifted off to sleep full of half-formed plans to assert himself. He was jolted awake from a dream where he was batting against Firby-Smith’s bowling, hitting it out of the park every time, by a faint sound. He opened his eyes and saw a dark figure outlined against the light from the window. He sat up in bed.
“Hullo,” he said. “Is that you, Wyatt?”
“Hullo,” he said. “Is that you, Wyatt?”
“Are you awake?” said Wyatt. “Sorry if I’ve spoiled your beauty sleep.”
“Are you awake?” Wyatt asked. “Sorry if I interrupted your beauty sleep.”
“Are you going out?”
"Are you heading out?"
“I am,” said Wyatt. “The cats are particularly strong on the wing just now. Mustn’t miss a chance like this. Specially as there’s a good moon, too. I shall be deadly.”
“I am,” said Wyatt. “The cats are really active right now. We can’t miss an opportunity like this. Especially with a nice moon out too. I’m going to be deadly.”
“I say, can’t I come too?”
“I’m wondering, can’t I come along too?”
A moonlight prowl, with or without an air-pistol, would just have suited Mike’s mood.
A late-night stroll, with or without a BB gun, would have been perfect for Mike's mood.
“No, you can’t,” said Wyatt. “When I’m caught, as I’m morally certain to be some day, or night rather, they’re bound to ask if you’ve ever been out as well as me. Then you’ll be able to put your hand on your little heart and do a big George Washington act. You’ll find that useful when the time comes.”
“No, you can’t,” said Wyatt. “When I get caught, which I’m sure will happen someday, or rather some night, they’re bound to ask if you’ve ever been out like me. Then you’ll be able to put your hand on your little heart and do a big George Washington act. You’ll find that helpful when the time comes.”
“Do you think you will be caught?”
“Do you think you'll get caught?”
“Shouldn’t be surprised. Anyhow, you stay where you are. Go to sleep and dream that you’re playing for the school against Ripton. So long.”
“Don’t be surprised. Anyway, just stay where you are. Go to sleep and dream that you’re playing for the school against Ripton. See you later.”
And Wyatt, laying the bar he had extracted on the window-sill, wriggled out. Mike saw him disappearing along the wall.
And Wyatt, placing the bar he had pulled out on the window sill, squirmed out. Mike watched him vanish along the wall.
It was all very well for Wyatt to tell him to go to sleep, but it was not so easy to do it. The room was almost light; and Mike always found it difficult to sleep unless it was dark. He turned over on his side and shut his eyes, but he had never felt wider awake. Twice he heard the quarters chime from the school clock; and the second time he gave up the struggle. He got out of bed and went to the window. It was a lovely night, just the sort of night on which, if he had been at home, he would have been out after moths with a lantern.
It was easy for Wyatt to tell him to go to sleep, but actually doing it wasn’t so simple. The room was almost bright, and Mike always found it hard to sleep unless it was dark. He rolled over on his side and closed his eyes, but he felt more awake than ever. Twice he heard the quarters chime from the school clock; on the second chime, he gave up the fight. He got out of bed and went to the window. It was a beautiful night, just the kind of night that, if he had been at home, he would have been outside chasing moths with a lantern.
A sharp yowl from an unseen cat told of Wyatt’s presence somewhere in the big garden. He would have given much to be with him, but he realised that he was on parole. He had promised not to leave the house, and there was an end of it.
A loud yowl from an unseen cat revealed Wyatt’s presence somewhere in the big garden. He would have loved to be with him, but he realized he was on parole. He had promised not to leave the house, and that was that.
He turned away from the window and sat down on his bed. Then a beautiful, consoling thought came to him. He had given his word that he would not go into the garden, but nothing had been said about exploring inside the house. It was quite late now. Everybody would be in bed. It would be quite safe. And there must be all sorts of things to interest the visitor in Wain’s part of the house. Food, perhaps. Mike felt that he could just do with a biscuit. And there were bound to be biscuits on the sideboard in Wain’s dining-room.
He turned away from the window and sat down on his bed. Then a soothing thought occurred to him. He had promised not to go into the garden, but nothing was said about checking out the inside of the house. It was pretty late now. Everyone would be in bed. It would be totally safe. And there had to be all kinds of things to catch the visitor's interest in Wain’s part of the house. Food, maybe. Mike felt he could really go for a biscuit. And there had to be biscuits on the sideboard in Wain’s dining room.
He crept quietly out of the dormitory.
He quietly snuck out of the dorm.
He had been long enough in the house to know the way, in spite of the fact that all was darkness. Down the stairs, along the passage to the left, and up a few more stairs at the end. The beauty of the position was that the dining-room had two doors, one leading into Wain’s part of the house, the other into the boys’ section. Any interruption that there might be would come from the further door.
He had been in the house long enough to know the way, even though everything was dark. Down the stairs, along the hallway to the left, and up a few more stairs at the end. The nice thing about the layout was that the dining room had two doors, one leading to Wain's area of the house and the other to the boys' section. Any interruptions that might occur would come from the other door.
To make himself more secure he locked that door; then, turning up the incandescent light, he proceeded to look about him.
To feel safer, he locked that door; then, turning up the bright light, he started to look around.
Mr. Wain’s dining-room repaid inspection. There were the remains of supper on the table. Mike cut himself some cheese and took some biscuits from the box, feeling that he was doing himself well. This was Life. There was a little soda-water in the syphon. He finished it. As it swished into the glass, it made a noise that seemed to him like three hundred Niagaras; but nobody else in the house appeared to have noticed it.
Mr. Wain’s dining room was worth checking out. There were leftovers from supper on the table. Mike cut himself some cheese and grabbed some biscuits from the box, feeling pretty good about himself. This was life. There was a little soda water left in the siphon. He finished it. As it fizzed into the glass, it made a sound that seemed to him like three hundred Niagaras; but no one else in the house seemed to notice it.
He took some more biscuits, and an apple.
He took some more cookies and an apple.
After which, feeling a new man, he examined the room.
After that, feeling like a new person, he looked around the room.
And this was where the trouble began.
And this is where the trouble started.
On a table in one corner stood a small gramophone. And gramophones happened to be Mike’s particular craze.
On a table in one corner, there was a small gramophone. Gramophones happened to be Mike's biggest obsession.
All thought of risk left him. The soda-water may have got into his head, or he may have been in a particularly reckless mood, as indeed he was. The fact remains that he inserted the first record that came to hand, wound the machine up, and set it going.
All thoughts of danger faded away. The soda water might have influenced him, or maybe he was just feeling especially adventurous, which he definitely was. The truth is that he grabbed the first record he found, wound up the machine, and started it up.
The next moment, very loud and nasal, a voice from the machine announced that Mr. Godfrey Field would sing “The Quaint Old Bird.” And, after a few preliminary chords, Mr. Field actually did so.
The next moment, very loud and nasal, a voice from the machine announced that Mr. Godfrey Field would sing “The Quaint Old Bird.” And, after a few preliminary chords, Mr. Field actually did so.
“Auntie went to Aldershot in a Paris pom-pom hat.”
“Auntie went to Aldershot in a stylish pom-pom hat from Paris.”
Mike stood and drained it in.
Mike stood and drank it all down.
“... Good gracious (sang Mr. Field), what was that?”
“Wow,” sang Mr. Field, “what was that?”
It was a rattling at the handle of the door. A rattling that turned almost immediately into a spirited banging. A voice accompanied the banging. “Who is there?” inquired the voice. Mike recognised it as Mr. Wain’s. He was not alarmed. The man who holds the ace of trumps has no need to be alarmed. His position was impregnable. The enemy was held in check by the locked door, while the other door offered an admirable and instantaneous way of escape.
It was a rattling at the door handle. The rattling quickly escalated into a loud banging. A voice came with the banging. “Who’s there?” the voice asked. Mike recognized it as Mr. Wain’s. He wasn’t worried. The person with the upper hand has no reason to be anxious. His position was secure. The enemy was kept at bay by the locked door, while the other door provided a perfect and instant escape route.
Mike crept across the room on tip-toe and opened the window. It had occurred to him, just in time, that if Mr. Wain, on entering the room, found that the occupant had retired by way of the boys’ part of the house, he might possibly obtain a clue to his identity. If, on the other hand, he opened the window, suspicion would be diverted. Mike had not read his “Raffles” for nothing.
Mike tiptoed across the room and opened the window. He realized just in time that if Mr. Wain came in and saw that the person had exited through the boys’ area of the house, he might get a hint about who it was. On the other hand, if he opened the window, any suspicion would be redirected. Mike hadn’t read his “Raffles” for nothing.
The handle-rattling was resumed. This was good. So long as the frontal attack was kept up, there was no chance of his being taken in the rear—his only danger.
The handle-rattling started again. This was good. As long as the frontal assault continued, there was no risk of him being ambushed from behind—his only threat.
He stopped the gramophone, which had been pegging away patiently at “The Quaint Old Bird” all the time, and reflected. It seemed a pity to evacuate the position and ring down the curtain on what was, to date, the most exciting episode of his life; but he must not overdo the thing, and get caught. At any moment the noise might bring reinforcements to the besieging force, though it was not likely, for the dining-room was a long way from the dormitories; and it might flash upon their minds that there were two entrances to the room. Or the same bright thought might come to Wain himself.
He stopped the gramophone, which had been steadily playing “The Quaint Old Bird” the entire time, and thought for a moment. It seemed a shame to leave the scene and end what was, so far, the most thrilling episode of his life; but he couldn’t overdo it and risk getting caught. At any moment, the noise could attract extra help to the group outside, though it was unlikely, since the dining room was far from the dorms; and it might occur to them that there were two ways into the room. Or the same clever idea might cross Wain's mind.
“Now what,” pondered Mike, “would A. J. Raffles have done in a case like this? Suppose he’d been after somebody’s jewels, and found that they were after him, and he’d locked one door, and could get away by the other.”
“Now what,” thought Mike, “would A. J. Raffles have done in a situation like this? What if he was after someone’s jewels, and found out they were after him too, and he had locked one door but could escape through the other?”
The answer was simple.
The answer was easy.
“He’d clear out,” thought Mike.
“He’d take off,” thought Mike.
Two minutes later he was in bed.
Two minutes later, he was in bed.
He lay there, tingling all over with the consciousness of having played a masterly game, when suddenly a gruesome idea came to him, and he sat up, breathless. Suppose Wain took it into his head to make a tour of the dormitories, to see that all was well! Wyatt was still in the garden somewhere, blissfully unconscious of what was going on indoors. He would be caught for a certainty!
He was lying there, feeling a buzz all over from the thrill of having played a brilliant game, when suddenly a horrifying thought hit him, and he sat up, gasping. What if Wain decided to check the dormitories to make sure everything was okay? Wyatt was still somewhere in the garden, completely unaware of what was happening inside. He would definitely be caught!
CHAPTER VI
IN WHICH A TIGHT CORNER IS EVADED
For a moment the situation paralysed Mike. Then he began to be equal to it. In times of excitement one thinks rapidly and clearly. The main point, the kernel of the whole thing, was that he must get into the garden somehow, and warn Wyatt. And at the same time, he must keep Mr. Wain from coming to the dormitory. He jumped out of bed, and dashed down the dark stairs.
For a moment, Mike was frozen by the situation. Then he started to rise to the challenge. In moments of excitement, thoughts come quickly and clearly. The main issue, the heart of the matter, was that he needed to get into the garden somehow and warn Wyatt. At the same time, he had to prevent Mr. Wain from going to the dormitory. He jumped out of bed and hurried down the dark stairs.
He had taken care to close the dining-room door after him. It was open now, and he could hear somebody moving inside the room. Evidently his retreat had been made just in time.
He made sure to close the dining room door behind him. It was open now, and he could hear someone moving around inside the room. Clearly, he had left just in time.
He knocked at the door, and went in.
He knocked on the door and walked in.
Mr. Wain was standing at the window, looking out. He spun round at the knock, and stared in astonishment at Mike’s pyjama-clad figure. Mike, in spite of his anxiety, could barely check a laugh. Mr. Wain was a tall, thin man, with a serious face partially obscured by a grizzled beard. He wore spectacles, through which he peered owlishly at Mike. His body was wrapped in a brown dressing-gown. His hair was ruffled. He looked like some weird bird.
Mr. Wain was standing at the window, looking out. He spun around at the knock and stared in surprise at Mike’s figure in pajamas. Mike, despite his anxiety, could barely hold back a laugh. Mr. Wain was a tall, thin man with a serious face partially hidden by a grizzled beard. He wore glasses, through which he looked at Mike with wide eyes. His body was wrapped in a brown robe, and his hair was messy. He looked like a strange bird.
“Please, sir, I thought I heard a noise,” said Mike.
“Excuse me, sir, I thought I heard a noise,” said Mike.
Mr. Wain continued to stare.
Mr. Wain kept staring.
“What are you doing here?” said he at last.
"What are you doing here?" he finally said.
“Thought I heard a noise, please, sir.”
“Thought I heard a noise, please, sir.”
“A noise?”
"Did you hear that?"
“Please, sir, a row.”
“Excuse me, sir, a row.”
“You thought you heard——!”
“You thought you heard—!”
The thing seemed to be worrying Mr. Wain.
The thing seemed to be bothering Mr. Wain.
“So I came down, sir,” said Mike.
“So I came down, sir,” Mike said.
The house-master’s giant brain still appeared to be somewhat clouded. He looked about him, and, catching sight of the gramophone, drew inspiration from it.
The house-master's huge brain still seemed a bit foggy. He looked around and, spotting the gramophone, found inspiration from it.
“Did you turn on the gramophone?” he asked.
“Did you turn on the record player?” he asked.
“Me, sir!” said Mike, with the air of a bishop accused of contributing to the Police News.
“Me, sir!” Mike said, sounding like a bishop being accused of helping the Police News.
“Of course not, of course not,” said Mr. Wain hurriedly. “Of course not. I don’t know why I asked. All this is very unsettling. What are you doing here?”
“Of course not, of course not,” said Mr. Wain quickly. “Of course not. I don’t know why I asked. This is all really unsettling. What are you doing here?”
“Thought I heard a noise, please, sir.”
“Thought I heard something, please, sir.”
“A noise?”
"What's that noise?"
“A row, sir.”
“A fight, sir.”
If it was Mr. Wain’s wish that he should spend the night playing Massa Tambo to his Massa Bones, it was not for him to baulk the house-master’s innocent pleasure. He was prepared to continue the snappy dialogue till breakfast time.
If Mr. Wain wanted to spend the night playing Massa Tambo to his Massa Bones, it wasn’t up to him to ruin the house-master’s innocent fun. He was ready to keep the witty banter going until breakfast.
“I think there must have been a burglar in here, Jackson.”
“I think there’s been a burglar in here, Jackson.”
“Looks like it, sir.”
“Seems that way, sir.”
“I found the window open.”
"I found the window ajar."
“He’s probably in the garden, sir.”
"He's probably in the garden, sir."
Mr. Wain looked out into the garden with an annoyed expression, as if its behaviour in letting burglars be in it struck him as unworthy of a respectable garden.
Mr. Wain looked out into the garden with an annoyed expression, as if its allowing burglars to be there seemed unworthy of a respectable garden.
“He might be still in the house,” said Mr. Wain, ruminatively.
“He might still be in the house,” Mr. Wain said thoughtfully.
“Not likely, sir.”
"Not likely, dude."
“You think not?”
"You don't think so?"
“Wouldn’t be such a fool, sir. I mean, such an ass, sir.”
“Don’t be such a fool, sir. I mean, don’t be such an idiot, sir.”
“Perhaps you are right, Jackson.”
"Maybe you're right, Jackson."
“I shouldn’t wonder if he was hiding in the shrubbery, sir.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he was hiding in the bushes, sir.”
Mr. Wain looked at the shrubbery, as who should say, “Et tu, Brute!”
Mr. Wain looked at the bushes, as if to say, “And you, Brutus!”
“By Jove! I think I see him,” cried Mike. He ran to the window, and vaulted through it on to the lawn. An inarticulate protest from Mr. Wain, rendered speechless by this move just as he had been beginning to recover his faculties, and he was running across the lawn into the shrubbery. He felt that all was well. There might be a bit of a row on his return, but he could always plead overwhelming excitement.
“Wow! I think I see him,” shouted Mike. He rushed to the window and jumped right out onto the lawn. Mr. Wain let out some confused protest, caught off guard by this sudden move just as he was starting to collect his thoughts, and he raced across the lawn into the bushes. He felt that everything was fine. There might be a bit of trouble when he got back, but he could always say he was just too excited.
Wyatt was round at the back somewhere, and the problem was how to get back without being seen from the dining-room window. Fortunately a belt of evergreens ran along the path right up to the house. Mike worked his way cautiously through these till he was out of sight, then tore for the regions at the back.
Wyatt was around the back somewhere, and the challenge was how to get back without being seen from the dining-room window. Luckily, a strip of evergreens lined the path all the way up to the house. Mike carefully navigated through them until he was out of sight, then sprinted toward the areas in the back.
The moon had gone behind the clouds, and it was not easy to find a way through the bushes. Twice branches sprang out from nowhere, and hit Mike smartly over the shins, eliciting sharp howls of pain.
The moon had disappeared behind the clouds, and it was tough to navigate through the bushes. Twice, branches suddenly popped out and hit Mike right on the shins, causing him to let out sharp cries of pain.
On the second of these occasions a low voice spoke from somewhere on his right.
On the second of these occasions, a quiet voice came from somewhere to his right.
“Who on earth’s that?” it said.
“Who the heck is that?” it said.
Mike stopped.
Mike paused.
“Is that you, Wyatt? I say——”
“Is that you, Wyatt? I say—”
“Jackson!”
"Jackson!"
The moon came out again, and Mike saw Wyatt clearly. His knees were covered with mould. He had evidently been crouching in the bushes on all fours.
The moon came out again, and Mike saw Wyatt clearly. His knees were covered with mold. He had clearly been crouching in the bushes on all fours.
“You young ass,” said Wyatt. “You promised me that you wouldn’t get out.”
“You young fool,” said Wyatt. “You promised me that you wouldn’t get out.”
“Yes, I know, but——”
“Yeah, I get it, but——”
“I heard you crashing through the shrubbery like a hundred elephants. If you must get out at night and chance being sacked, you might at least have the sense to walk quietly.”
“I heard you crashing through the bushes like a hundred elephants. If you have to go out at night and risk getting caught, you could at least have the sense to walk quietly.”
“Yes, but you don’t understand.”
"Yes, but you don't get it."
And Mike rapidly explained the situation.
And Mike quickly explained what was happening.
“But how the dickens did he hear you, if you were in the dining-room?” asked Wyatt. “It’s miles from his bedroom. You must tread like a policeman.”
“But how on earth did he hear you if you were in the dining room?” asked Wyatt. “It’s miles from his bedroom. You have to walk like a cop.”
“It wasn’t that. The thing was, you see, it was rather a rotten thing to do, I suppose, but I turned on the gramophone.”
“It wasn’t that. The thing is, you see, it was kind of a messed up thing to do, I guess, but I turned on the record player.”
“You—what?”
"You—what?"
“The gramophone. It started playing ‘The Quaint Old Bird.’ Ripping it was, till Wain came along.”
“The gramophone started playing ‘The Quaint Old Bird.’ It was awesome, until Wain showed up.”
Wyatt doubled up with noiseless laughter.
Wyatt burst into quiet laughter.
“You’re a genius,” he said. “I never saw such a man. Well, what’s the game now? What’s the idea?”
“You’re a genius,” he said. “I’ve never seen someone like you. So, what’s the plan now? What’s on your mind?”
“I think you’d better nip back along the wall and in through the window, and I’ll go back to the dining-room. Then it’ll be all right if Wain comes and looks into the dorm. Or, if you like, you might come down too, as if you’d just woke up and thought you’d heard a row.”
“I think you should sneak back along the wall and through the window, and I’ll head back to the dining room. Then it’ll be fine if Wain comes and checks the dorm. Or, if you want, you could come down too, like you just woke up and thought you heard some noise.”
“That’s not a bad idea. All right. You dash along then. I’ll get back.”
"That’s a good idea. Okay, you go ahead. I’ll catch up."
Mr. Wain was still in the dining-room, drinking in the beauties of the summer night through the open window. He gibbered slightly when Mike reappeared.
Mr. Wain was still in the dining room, soaking in the beauty of the summer night through the open window. He flinched a little when Mike showed up again.
“Jackson! What do you mean by running about outside the house in this way! I shall punish you very heavily. I shall certainly report the matter to the headmaster. I will not have boys rushing about the garden in their pyjamas. You will catch an exceedingly bad cold. You will do me two hundred lines, Latin and English. Exceedingly so. I will not have it. Did you not hear me call to you?”
“Jackson! What do you think you’re doing running around outside the house like that? I’m going to punish you seriously. I’ll definitely report this to the headmaster. I won’t have boys running around the garden in their pajamas. You’re going to catch a really bad cold. You’ll write me two hundred lines, in Latin and English. Absolutely not. I won’t allow it. Didn’t you hear me call you?”
“Please, sir, so excited,” said Mike, standing outside with his hands on the sill.
“Please, sir, I’m so excited,” said Mike, standing outside with his hands on the sill.
“You have no business to be excited. I will not have it. It is exceedingly impertinent of you.”
“You have no reason to be excited. I won’t allow it. It's incredibly rude of you.”
“Please, sir, may I come in?”
“Excuse me, sir, can I come in?”
“Come in! Of course, come in. Have you no sense, boy? You are laying the seeds of a bad cold. Come in at once.”
“Come in! Of course, come in. Don’t you have any sense, boy? You’re going to catch a bad cold. Come in right now.”
Mike clambered through the window.
Mike crawled through the window.
“I couldn’t find him, sir. He must have got out of the garden.”
“I couldn’t find him, sir. He must have left the garden.”
“Undoubtedly,” said Mr. Wain. “Undoubtedly so. It was very wrong of you to search for him. You have been seriously injured. Exceedingly so.”
“Definitely,” said Mr. Wain. “Definitely so. It was really wrong of you to look for him. You’ve been seriously hurt. Very much so.”
He was about to say more on the subject when Wyatt strolled into the room. Wyatt wore the rather dazed expression of one who has been aroused from deep sleep. He yawned before he spoke.
He was about to say more on the subject when Wyatt walked into the room. Wyatt had that dazed look of someone who's just been woken up from a deep sleep. He yawned before he spoke.
“I thought I heard a noise, sir,” he said.
“I thought I heard something, sir,” he said.
He called Mr. Wain “father” in private, “sir” in public. The presence of Mike made this a public occasion.
He called Mr. Wain “dad” in private and “sir” in public. With Mike around, this became a public event.
“Has there been a burglary?”
“Was there a burglary?”
“Yes,” said Mike, “only he has got away.”
“Yes,” said Mike, “but he has escaped.”
“Shall I go out into the garden, and have a look round, sir?” asked Wyatt helpfully.
“Should I go out into the garden and take a look around, sir?” asked Wyatt helpfully.
The question stung Mr. Wain into active eruption once more.
The question provoked Mr. Wain into another outburst.
“Under no circumstances whatever,” he said excitedly. “Stay where you are, James. I will not have boys running about my garden at night. It is preposterous. Inordinately so. Both of you go to bed immediately. I shall not speak to you again on this subject. I must be obeyed instantly. You hear me, Jackson? James, you understand me? To bed at once. And, if I find you outside your dormitory again to-night, you will both be punished with extreme severity. I will not have this lax and reckless behaviour.”
“Under no circumstances,” he said excitedly. “Stay where you are, James. I won’t have boys running around my garden at night. It’s ridiculous. Completely unacceptable. Both of you go to bed right now. I won’t discuss this again. I expect you to obey me immediately. Do you hear me, Jackson? James, do you get what I’m saying? To bed at once. And if I catch you outside your dorm again tonight, you’ll both face serious consequences. I won’t tolerate this careless and reckless behavior.”
“But the burglar, sir?” said Wyatt.
“But what about the burglar, sir?” asked Wyatt.
“We might catch him, sir,” said Mike.
“We might catch him, sir,” Mike said.
Mr. Wain’s manner changed to a slow and stately sarcasm, in much the same way as a motor-car changes from the top speed to its first.
Mr. Wain’s demeanor shifted to a slow and dignified sarcasm, much like how a car shifts from top speed to first gear.
“I was under the impression,” he said, in the heavy way almost invariably affected by weak masters in their dealings with the obstreperous, “I was distinctly under the impression that I had ordered you to retire immediately to your dormitory. It is possible that you mistook my meaning. In that case I shall be happy to repeat what I said. It is also in my mind that I threatened to punish you with the utmost severity if you did not retire at once. In these circumstances, James—and you, Jackson—you will doubtless see the necessity of complying with my wishes.”
“I thought,” he said, in the heavy tone that weak authority figures always use when dealing with troublemakers, “I clearly thought that I told you to go to your dormitory right away. Maybe you misunderstood what I meant. If so, I can gladly repeat myself. I'm also aware that I warned you about serious consequences if you didn’t leave immediately. Given this situation, James—and you, Jackson—you can surely understand why you need to do what I asked.”
They made it so.
They made it happen.
CHAPTER VII
IN WHICH MIKE IS DISCUSSED
Trevor and Clowes, of Donaldson’s, were sitting in their study a week after the gramophone incident, preparatory to going on the river. At least Trevor was in the study, getting tea ready. Clowes was on the window-sill, one leg in the room, the other outside, hanging over space. He loved to sit in this attitude, watching some one else work, and giving his views on life to whoever would listen to them. Clowes was tall, and looked sad, which he was not. Trevor was shorter, and very much in earnest over all that he did. On the present occasion he was measuring out tea with a concentration worthy of a general planning a campaign.
Trevor and Clowes, from Donaldson’s, were sitting in their study a week after the gramophone incident, getting ready to go on the river. At least Trevor was in the study, preparing tea. Clowes was perched on the window-sill, one leg in the room and the other dangling outside. He enjoyed sitting like this, watching someone else work and sharing his thoughts on life with anyone willing to listen. Clowes was tall and looked sad, though he wasn't. Trevor was shorter and very serious about everything he did. This time, he was measuring out tea with a focus worthy of a general planning a campaign.
“One for the pot,” said Clowes.
“One for the pot,” said Clowes.
“All right,” breathed Trevor. “Come and help, you slacker.”
“All right,” Trevor sighed. “Come on and help, you slacker.”
“Too busy.”
"Too swamped."
“You aren’t doing a stroke.”
“You're not making a move.”
“My lad, I’m thinking of Life. That’s a thing you couldn’t do. I often say to people, ‘Good chap, Trevor, but can’t think of Life. Give him a tea-pot and half a pound of butter to mess about with,’ I say, ‘and he’s all right. But when it comes to deep thought, where is he? Among the also-rans.’ That’s what I say.”
“My boy, I’m thinking about life. That’s something you wouldn’t understand. I often tell people, ‘Nice guy, Trevor, but he can’t grasp life. Give him a teapot and half a pound of butter to play with,’ I say, ‘and he’s good to go. But when it comes to serious thinking, where is he? Among the rest of the crowd.’ That’s what I say.”
“Silly ass,” said Trevor, slicing bread. “What particular rot were you thinking about just then? What fun it was sitting back and watching other fellows work, I should think.”
“Silly ass,” said Trevor, slicing bread. “What nonsense were you thinking about just then? It must have been fun sitting back and watching other guys work, I suppose.”
“My mind at the moment,” said Clowes, “was tensely occupied with the problem of brothers at school. Have you got any brothers, Trevor?”
“My mind right now,” said Clowes, “is really focused on the issue of siblings in school. Do you have any brothers, Trevor?”
“One. Couple of years younger than me. I say, we shall want some more jam to-morrow. Better order it to-day.”
“One. A couple of years younger than me. I say, we should get some more jam tomorrow. Better order it today.”
“See it done, Tigellinus, as our old pal Nero used to remark. Where is he? Your brother, I mean.”
“Get it done, Tigellinus, as our old buddy Nero used to say. Where is he? I mean your brother.”
“Marlborough.”
“Marlborough.”
“That shows your sense. I have always had a high opinion of your sense, Trevor. If you’d been a silly ass, you’d have let your people send him here.”
“That shows your judgment. I’ve always thought highly of your judgment, Trevor. If you had been foolish, you would have allowed your people to send him here.”
“Why not? Shouldn’t have minded.”
"Why not? Shouldn't have cared."
“I withdraw what I said about your sense. Consider it unsaid. I have a brother myself. Aged fifteen. Not a bad chap in his way. Like the heroes of the school stories. ‘Big blue eyes literally bubbling over with fun.’ At least, I suppose it’s fun to him. Cheek’s what I call it. My people wanted to send him here. I lodged a protest. I said, ‘One Clowes is ample for any public school.’”
“I take back what I said about your sense. Forget it. I have a brother too. He’s fifteen. Not a bad guy in his own way. Like the heroes in school stories. ‘Big blue eyes full of excitement.’ At least, I think it’s excitement for him. I call it cheek. My family wanted to send him here. I protested. I said, ‘One Clowes is enough for any public school.’”
“You were right there,” said Trevor.
“You were right there,” Trevor said.
“I said, ‘One Clowes is luxury, two excess.’ I pointed out that I was just on the verge of becoming rather a blood at Wrykyn, and that I didn’t want the work of years spoiled by a brother who would think it a rag to tell fellows who respected and admired me——”
“I said, ‘One Clowes is a luxury, two is just too much.’ I pointed out that I was about to become quite popular at Wrykyn, and that I didn’t want years of hard work ruined by a brother who would think it was a joke to tell guys who respected and admired me——”
“Such as who?”
"Like who?"
“——Anecdotes of a chequered infancy. There are stories about me which only my brother knows. Did I want them spread about the school? No, laddie, I did not. Hence, we see my brother two terms ago, packing up his little box, and tooling off to Rugby. And here am I at Wrykyn, with an unstained reputation, loved by all who know me, revered by all who don’t; courted by boys, fawned upon by masters. People’s faces brighten when I throw them a nod. If I frown——”
“——Anecdotes of a colorful childhood. There are stories about me that only my brother knows. Did I want them shared at school? No way, I did not. So, two terms ago, we see my brother packing his little box and heading off to Rugby. And here I am at Wrykyn, with a clean reputation, loved by everyone who knows me, admired by those who don’t; sought after by my peers, and flattered by the teachers. People’s faces light up when I give them a nod. If I frown——”
“Oh, come on,” said Trevor.
“Oh, come on,” Trevor said.
Bread and jam and cake monopolised Clowes’s attention for the next quarter of an hour. At the end of that period, however, he returned to his subject.
Bread, jam, and cake kept Clowes focused for the next fifteen minutes. But after that time was up, he got back to his topic.
“After the serious business of the meal was concluded, and a simple hymn had been sung by those present,” he said, “Mr. Clowes resumed his very interesting remarks. We were on the subject of brothers at school. Now, take the melancholy case of Jackson Brothers. My heart bleeds for Bob.”
“After the serious part of the meal was done, and a simple hymn had been sung by everyone there,” he said, “Mr. Clowes picked up his really interesting comments again. We were talking about brothers at school. Now, consider the sad situation of the Jackson Brothers. I really feel for Bob.”
“Jackson’s all right. What’s wrong with him? Besides, naturally, young Jackson came to Wrykyn when all his brothers had been here.”
“Jackson’s fine. What’s wrong with him? Besides, of course, young Jackson came to Wrykyn after all his brothers were already here.”
“What a rotten argument. It’s just the one used by chaps’ people, too. They think how nice it will be for all the sons to have been at the same school. It may be all right after they’re left, but while they’re there, it’s the limit. You say Jackson’s all right. At present, perhaps, he is. But the term’s hardly started yet.”
“What a terrible argument. It’s the same one used by guys’ families, too. They think it’ll be great for all the sons to have gone to the same school. It might work out fine after they leave, but while they’re there, it’s pushing it. You say Jackson’s fine. Right now, maybe he is. But the term has just begun.”
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“Look here, what’s at the bottom of this sending young brothers to the same school as elder brothers?”
“Look here, what's the point of sending younger siblings to the same school as their older siblings?”
“Elder brother can keep an eye on him, I suppose.”
"Elder brother can watch over him, I guess."
“That’s just it. For once in your life you’ve touched the spot. In other words, Bob Jackson is practically responsible for the kid. That’s where the whole rotten trouble starts.”
“That’s exactly it. For once in your life, you’ve hit the nail on the head. In other words, Bob Jackson is basically responsible for the kid. That’s where all the messed up trouble begins.”
“Why?”
"Why?"
“Well, what happens? He either lets the kid rip, in which case he may find himself any morning in the pleasant position of having to explain to his people exactly why it is that little Willie has just received the boot, and why he didn’t look after him better: or he spends all his spare time shadowing him to see that he doesn’t get into trouble. He feels that his reputation hangs on the kid’s conduct, so he broods over him like a policeman, which is pretty rotten for him and maddens the kid, who looks on him as no sportsman. Bob seems to be trying the first way, which is what I should do myself. It’s all right, so far, but, as I said, the term’s only just started.”
“Well, what happens? He either lets the kid run wild, and then he might find himself one morning in the awkward position of having to explain to his family exactly why little Willie just got kicked out, and why he didn’t take better care of him; or he spends all his free time watching him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble. He feels like his reputation is tied to the kid’s behavior, so he frets over him like a cop, which is pretty unfair to him and drives the kid crazy, who sees him as anything but a team player. Bob seems to be trying the first approach, which is what I would do myself. It’s fine for now, but like I said, the term has just started.”
“Young Jackson seems all right. What’s wrong with him? He doesn’t stick on side any way, which he might easily do, considering his cricket.”
“Young Jackson seems fine. What’s up with him? He doesn’t seem to stick around at all, which he could easily do, given his cricket skills.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him in that way. I’ve talked to him several times at the nets, and he’s very decent. But his getting into trouble hasn’t anything to do with us. It’s the masters you’ve got to consider.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him like that. I’ve talked to him several times at the nets, and he’s pretty decent. But his getting into trouble has nothing to do with us. It’s the masters you need to think about.”
“What’s up? Does he rag?”
“What's up? Does he tease?”
“From what I gather from fellows in his form he’s got a genius for ragging. Thinks of things that don’t occur to anybody else, and does them, too.”
“From what I hear from the guys in his class, he's got a talent for teasing. He thinks of things that don’t cross anyone else’s mind and actually does them, too.”
“He never seems to be in extra. One always sees him about on half-holidays.”
“He never seems to be extra. You always see him around on half-holidays.”
“That’s always the way with that sort of chap. He keeps on wriggling out of small rows till he thinks he can do anything he likes without being dropped on, and then all of a sudden he finds himself up to the eyebrows in a record smash. I don’t say young Jackson will land himself like that. All I say is that he’s just the sort who does. He’s asking for trouble. Besides, who do you see him about with all the time?”
“That’s always how it is with guys like him. He keeps finding ways to get out of little messes until he thinks he can do whatever he wants without any consequences, and then suddenly he ends up in a huge disaster. I’m not saying that young Jackson will get himself into that kind of situation. All I’m saying is that he’s exactly the type who does. He’s just asking for trouble. Plus, who do you see him hanging out with all the time?”
“He’s generally with Wyatt when I meet him.”
"He's usually with Wyatt when I see him."
“Yes. Well, then!”
"Yes, well then!"
“What’s wrong with Wyatt? He’s one of the decentest men in the school.”
“What’s wrong with Wyatt? He’s one of the nicest guys in the school.”
“I know. But he’s working up for a tremendous row one of these days, unless he leaves before it comes off. The odds are, if Jackson’s so thick with him, that he’ll be roped into it too. Wyatt wouldn’t land him if he could help it, but he probably wouldn’t realise what he was letting the kid in for. For instance, I happen to know that Wyatt breaks out of his dorm. every other night. I don’t know if he takes Jackson with him. I shouldn’t think so. But there’s nothing to prevent Jackson following him on his own. And if you’re caught at that game, it’s the boot every time.”
“I know. But he’s building up for a huge fight one of these days, unless he leaves before it happens. The chances are, if Jackson’s tight with him, that he’ll get pulled into it too. Wyatt wouldn’t involve him if he could help it, but he probably wouldn’t realize what he was putting the kid through. For example, I happen to know that Wyatt sneaks out of his dorm every other night. I don’t know if he takes Jackson with him. I don’t think so. But there’s nothing stopping Jackson from following him on his own. And if you get caught doing that, it’s trouble every time.”
Trevor looked disturbed.
Trevor looked upset.
“Somebody ought to speak to Bob.”
"Someone should talk to Bob."
“What’s the good? Why worry him? Bob couldn’t do anything. You’d only make him do the policeman business, which he hasn’t time for, and which is bound to make rows between them. Better leave him alone.”
“What’s the point? Why bother him? Bob couldn’t do anything. You’d just end up making him deal with the police stuff, which he doesn’t have time for and is sure to cause trouble between them. Better to just leave him be.”
“I don’t know. It would be a beastly thing for Bob if the kid did get into a really bad row.”
“I don’t know. It would be a terrible thing for Bob if the kid got into a really bad situation.”
“If you must tell anybody, tell the Gazeka. He’s head of Wain’s, and has got far more chance of keeping an eye on Jackson than Bob has.”
“If you have to tell someone, tell the Gazeka. He’s in charge of Wain’s and has a much better chance of keeping track of Jackson than Bob does.”
“The Gazeka is a fool.”
“Gazeka is foolish.”
“All front teeth and side. Still, he’s on the spot. But what’s the good of worrying. It’s nothing to do with us, anyhow. Let’s stagger out, shall we?”
“All front teeth and side. Still, he’s in trouble. But what’s the point of worrying? It doesn’t involve us, anyway. Let’s head out, shall we?”
Trevor’s conscientious nature, however, made it impossible for him to drop the matter. It disturbed him all the time that he and Clowes were on the river; and, walking back to the house, he resolved to see Bob about it during preparation.
Trevor’s careful nature, however, made it impossible for him to let it go. It bothered him constantly that he and Clowes were on the river; and, walking back to the house, he decided to talk to Bob about it during prep.
He found him in his study, oiling a bat.
He found him in his office, oiling a bat.
“I say, Bob,” he said, “look here. Are you busy?”
“I say, Bob,” he said, “check this out. Are you busy?”
“No. Why?”
“No. Why not?”
“It’s this way. Clowes and I were talking——”
“It’s like this. Clowes and I were talking——”
“If Clowes was there he was probably talking. Well?”
“If Clowes was there, he was probably talking. What’s up?”
“About your brother.”
“Regarding your brother.”
“Oh, by Jove,” said Bob, sitting up. “That reminds me. I forgot to get the evening paper. Did he get his century all right?”
“Oh, wow,” said Bob, sitting up. “That reminds me. I forgot to grab the evening paper. Did he hit his century okay?”
“Who?” asked Trevor, bewildered.
“Who?” Trevor asked, confused.
“My brother, J. W. He’d made sixty-three not out against Kent in this morning’s paper. What happened?”
“My brother, J. W. He scored sixty-three not out against Kent in this morning's paper. What happened?”
“I didn’t get a paper either. I didn’t mean that brother. I meant the one here.”
“I didn’t get a paper either. I didn’t mean that brother. I meant the one here.”
“Oh, Mike? What’s Mike been up to?”
“Oh, Mike? What has Mike been doing?”
“Nothing as yet, that I know of; but, I say, you know, he seems a great pal of Wyatt’s.”
“Nothing yet, as far as I know; but, I mean, he seems like a really good friend of Wyatt’s.”
“I know. I spoke to him about it.”
“I know. I talked to him about it.”
“Oh, you did? That’s all right, then.”
“Oh, you did? That's fine, then.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with Wyatt.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with Wyatt.”
“Not a bit. Only he is rather mucking about this term, I hear. It’s his last, so I suppose he wants to have a rag.”
“Not at all. I’ve heard he’s just goofing off this term. It’s his last one, so I guess he wants to have some fun.”
“Don’t blame him.”
"Don’t blame him."
“Nor do I. Rather rot, though, if he lugged your brother into a row by accident.”
“Me neither. Better to rot, though, if he dragged your brother into a fight by mistake.”
“I should get blamed. I think I’ll speak to him again.”
“I should take the blame. I think I’ll talk to him again.”
“I should, I think.”
"I should, I guess."
“I hope he isn’t idiot enough to go out at night with Wyatt. If Wyatt likes to risk it, all right. That’s his look out. But it won’t do for Mike to go playing the goat too.”
“I hope he isn't dumb enough to go out at night with Wyatt. If Wyatt wants to take risks, that's on him. But Mike shouldn't play the fool too.”
“Clowes suggested putting Firby-Smith on to him. He’d have more chance, being in the same house, of seeing that he didn’t come a mucker than you would.”
“Clowes suggested getting Firby-Smith involved. He’d have a better chance, since they’re in the same house, of making sure he didn’t screw up than you would.”
“I’ve done that. Smith said he’d speak to him.”
“I’ve done that. Smith said he’d talk to him.”
“That’s all right then. Is that a new bat?”
"That's cool then. Is that a new bat?"
“Got it to-day. Smashed my other yesterday—against the school house.”
“Got it today. Broke my other one yesterday—against the schoolhouse.”
Donaldson’s had played a friendly with the school house during the last two days, and had beaten them.
Donaldson's had played a friendly match with the school house over the last two days and had won.
“I thought I heard it go. You were rather in form.”
“I thought I heard it happen. You were quite in shape.”
“Better than at the beginning of the term, anyhow. I simply couldn’t do a thing then. But my last three innings have been 33 not out, 18, and 51.
“Better than at the beginning of the term, anyway. I just couldn’t do anything back then. But my last three innings have been 33 not out, 18, and 51.
“I should think you’re bound to get your first all right.”
“I think you’re definitely going to get your first one, no problem.”
“Hope so. I see Mike’s playing for the second against the O.W.s.”
“Hope so. I see Mike’s playing for the second against the O.W.s.”
“Yes. Pretty good for his first term. You have a pro. to coach you in the holidays, don’t you?”
“Yes. Pretty good for his first term. You have a pro to coach you during the holidays, right?”
“Yes. I didn’t go to him much this last time. I was away a lot. But Mike fairly lived inside the net.”
“Yes. I didn’t visit him much this last time. I was gone a lot. But Mike practically lived in the net.”
“Well, it’s not been chucked away. I suppose he’ll get his first next year. There’ll be a big clearing-out of colours at the end of this term. Nearly all the first are leaving. Henfrey’ll be captain, I expect.”
“Well, it hasn’t been thrown away. I guess he’ll get his first next year. There’s going to be a big clearing out of colors at the end of this term. Almost all the first team is leaving. I expect Henfrey will be captain.”
“Saunders, the pro. at home, always says that Mike’s going to be the star cricketer of the family. Better than J. W. even, he thinks. I asked him what he thought of me, and he said, ‘You’ll be making a lot of runs some day, Mr. Bob.’ There’s a subtle difference, isn’t there? I shall have Mike cutting me out before I leave school if I’m not careful.”
“Saunders, the pro at home, always says that Mike’s going to be the star cricketer of the family. Better than J. W. even, he thinks. I asked him what he thought of me, and he said, ‘You’ll be making a lot of runs someday, Mr. Bob.’ There’s a subtle difference, right? I’ll have Mike taking my place before I leave school if I’m not careful.”
“Sort of infant prodigy,” said Trevor. “Don’t think he’s quite up to it yet, though.”
“Kind of a child genius,” said Trevor. “But I don’t think he's ready for it yet.”
He went back to his study, and Bob, having finished his oiling and washed his hands, started on his Thucydides. And, in the stress of wrestling with the speech of an apparently delirious Athenian general, whose remarks seemed to contain nothing even remotely resembling sense and coherence, he allowed the question of Mike’s welfare to fade from his mind like a dissolving view.
He went back to his study, and Bob, having finished oiling and washed his hands, started on his Thucydides. And, while struggling to understand the speech of an apparently delirious Athenian general, whose comments seemed to lack any semblance of sense and coherence, he let the question of Mike’s well-being fade from his mind like a disappearing image.
CHAPTER VIII
A ROW WITH THE TOWN
The beginning of a big row, one of those rows which turn a school upside down like a volcanic eruption and provide old boys with something to talk about, when they meet, for years, is not unlike the beginning of a thunderstorm.
The start of a major argument, one of those arguments that shake a school like a volcanic eruption and give alumni something to discuss when they catch up for years, is pretty similar to the onset of a thunderstorm.
You are walking along one seemingly fine day, when suddenly there is a hush, and there falls on you from space one big drop. The next moment the thing has begun, and you are standing in a shower-bath. It is just the same with a row. Some trivial episode occurs, and in an instant the place is in a ferment. It was so with the great picnic at Wrykyn.
You’re walking on what seems like a nice day when suddenly everything goes quiet, and one big drop falls on you from the sky. The next moment, it starts pouring, and you’re caught in a downpour. It’s just like a fight. Something minor happens, and in an instant, chaos erupts. That’s exactly what happened at the big picnic at Wrykyn.
The bare outlines of the beginning of this affair are included in a letter which Mike wrote to his father on the Sunday following the Old Wrykynian matches.
The basic details of how this all started are included in a letter that Mike wrote to his dad on the Sunday after the Old Wrykynian matches.
This was the letter:
This was the letter:
“DEAR FATHER,—Thanks awfully for your letter. I hope you are quite well. I have been getting on all right at cricket lately. My scores since I wrote last have been 0 in a scratch game (the sun got in my eyes just as I played, and I got bowled); 15 for the third against an eleven of masters (without G. B. Jones, the Surrey man, and Spence); 28 not out in the Under Sixteen game; and 30 in a form match. Rather decent. Yesterday one of the men put down for the second against the O.W.’s second couldn’t play because his father was very ill, so I played. Wasn’t it luck? It’s the first time I’ve played for the second. I didn’t do much, because I didn’t get an innings. They stop the cricket on O.W. matches day because they have a lot of rotten Greek plays and things which take up a frightful time, and half the chaps are acting, so we stop from lunch to four. Rot I call it. So I didn’t go in, because they won the toss and made 215, and by the time we’d made 140 for 6 it was close of play. They’d stuck me in eighth wicket. Rather rot. Still, I may get another shot. And I made rather a decent catch at mid-on. Low down. I had to dive for it. Bob played for the first, but didn’t do much. He was run out after he’d got ten. I believe he’s rather sick about it.
“DEAR DAD,—Thanks so much for your letter. I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been doing okay at cricket lately. My scores since my last letter have been 0 in a casual game (the sun got in my eyes just as I swung, and I got bowled); 15 in the third match against a team of masters (without G. B. Jones, the Surrey player, and Spence); 28 not out in the Under Sixteen game; and 30 in a form match. Not bad. Yesterday, one of the players set to play for the second team against the O.W.’s second couldn’t participate because his dad was really sick, so I got to play. Wasn’t that lucky? It’s the first time I’ve played for the second team. I didn’t do much since I didn’t get a chance to bat. They stop cricket on O.W. match days because they have a lot of terrible Greek plays and stuff that take forever, and half the guys are acting, so we have to break from lunch until four. I think that’s ridiculous. So I didn’t get to bat because they won the toss and scored 215, and by the time we made 140 for 6, it was the end of the day. They put me in as the eighth wicket. Kind of frustrating. Still, I might get another chance. And I made a pretty good catch at mid-on. Low down. I had to dive for it. Bob played for the first team but didn’t do much. He got run out after scoring ten. I think he’s pretty disappointed about it.”
“Rather a rummy thing happened after lock-up. I wasn’t in it, but a fellow called Wyatt (awfully decent chap. He’s Wain’s step-son, only they bar one another) told me about it. He was in it all right. There’s a dinner after the matches on O.W. day, and some of the chaps were going back to their houses after it when they got into a row with a lot of brickies from the town, and there was rather a row. There was a policeman mixed up in it somehow, only I don’t quite know where he comes in. I’ll find out and tell you next time I write. Love to everybody. Tell Marjory I’ll write to her in a day or two.
“Something pretty strange happened after lock-up. I wasn’t involved, but a guy named Wyatt (really nice guy. He’s Wain’s step-son, though they don't get along) told me about it. He was definitely there. There’s a dinner after the matches on O.W. day, and some of the guys were heading back to their houses after it when they got into a fight with a group of bricklayers from town, and it got pretty messy. A policeman was somehow involved, but I’m not sure how that happened. I’ll find out and let you know next time I write. Love to everyone. Tell Marjory I’ll write to her in a day or two.”
“Your loving son,
“Your loving son,”
“MIKE.
MIKE.
“P.S.—I say, I suppose you couldn’t send me five bob, could you? I’m rather broke.
“P.S.—I say, I suppose you couldn’t send me five bucks, could you? I’m kind of broke.”
“P.P.S.—Half-a-crown would do, only I’d rather it was five bob.”
“P.P.S.—Two and six would work, but I’d prefer it to be five shillings.”
And, on the back of the envelope, these words: “Or a bob would be better than nothing.”
And, on the back of the envelope, these words: “Or a dollar would be better than nothing.”
The outline of the case was as Mike had stated. But there were certain details of some importance which had not come to his notice when he sent the letter. On the Monday they were public property.
The outline of the case was as Mike had described. But there were some important details he hadn’t noticed when he sent the letter. On Monday, they were public information.
The thing had happened after this fashion. At the conclusion of the day’s cricket, all those who had been playing in the four elevens which the school put into the field against the old boys, together with the school choir, were entertained by the headmaster to supper in the Great Hall. The banquet, lengthened by speeches, songs, and recitations which the reciters imagined to be songs, lasted, as a rule, till about ten o’clock, when the revellers were supposed to go back to their houses by the nearest route, and turn in. This was the official programme. The school usually performed it with certain modifications and improvements.
The event unfolded like this. At the end of the day’s cricket match, everyone who played in the four teams representing the school against the old boys, along with the school choir, was treated to supper by the headmaster in the Great Hall. The meal, extended by speeches, songs, and recitations that the speakers thought were songs, typically lasted until around ten o'clock, when the guests were expected to return to their houses by the quickest route and go to bed. This was the official schedule. The school usually carried it out with some adjustments and enhancements.
About midway between Wrykyn, the school, and Wrykyn, the town, there stands on an island in the centre of the road a solitary lamp-post. It was the custom, and had been the custom for generations back, for the diners to trudge off to this lamp-post, dance round it for some minutes singing the school song or whatever happened to be the popular song of the moment, and then race back to their houses. Antiquity had given the custom a sort of sanctity, and the authorities, if they knew—which they must have done—never interfered.
About halfway between Wrykyn, the school, and Wrykyn, the town, there’s a lone lamp-post on an island in the middle of the road. For generations, it’s been a tradition for diners to walk over to this lamp-post, dance around it for a few minutes singing the school song or whatever popular song was in at the time, and then rush back to their homes. The long-standing nature of this tradition gave it a kind of sacredness, and the authorities, if they were aware—which they had to be—never intervened.
But there were others.
But there were more.
Wrykyn, the town, was peculiarly rich in “gangs of youths.” Like the vast majority of the inhabitants of the place, they seemed to have no work of any kind whatsoever to occupy their time, which they used, accordingly, to spend prowling about and indulging in a mild, brainless, rural type of hooliganism. They seldom proceeded to practical rowdyism and never except with the school. As a rule, they amused themselves by shouting rude chaff. The school regarded them with a lofty contempt, much as an Oxford man regards the townee. The school was always anxious for a row, but it was the unwritten law that only in special circumstances should they proceed to active measures. A curious dislike for school-and-town rows and most misplaced severity in dealing with the offenders when they took place, were among the few flaws in the otherwise admirable character of the headmaster of Wrykyn. It was understood that one scragged bargees at one’s own risk, and, as a rule, it was not considered worth it.
Wrykyn, the town, had a lot of "gangs of kids." Like most of the people living there, they seemed to have no job or responsibilities to fill their time, which they used to wander around and engage in a mild, silly, rural kind of troublemaking. They rarely took things too far and only acted out with the school. Usually, they entertained themselves by shouting insults. The school looked down on them with a kind of disdain, similar to how an Oxford student views someone from the town. The school was always eager for a fight, but it was an unspoken rule that they should only take action in special situations. An odd dislike for conflicts between school and town, along with an excessive harshness toward those involved when they occurred, were among the few shortcomings in the otherwise excellent character of Wrykyn's headmaster. It was understood that you picked a fight with local troublemakers at your own risk, and generally, it wasn't seen as worth it.
But after an excellent supper and much singing and joviality, one’s views are apt to alter. Risks which before supper seemed great, show a tendency to dwindle.
But after a great dinner and a lot of singing and fun, people’s opinions tend to change. Risks that seemed significant before dinner start to shrink.
When, therefore, the twenty or so Wrykynians who were dancing round the lamp-post were aware, in the midst of their festivities, that they were being observed and criticised by an equal number of townees, and that the criticisms were, as usual, essentially candid and personal, they found themselves forgetting the headmaster’s prejudices and feeling only that these outsiders must be put to the sword as speedily as possible, for the honour of the school.
When the twenty or so Wrykynians dancing around the lamppost realized, in the middle of their celebration, that they were being watched and judged by an equal number of townies, and that the comments were, as usual, totally frank and personal, they found themselves pushing aside the headmaster's biases and feeling only that these outsiders needed to be dealt with quickly, for the honor of the school.
Possibly, if the town brigade had stuck to a purely verbal form of attack, all might yet have been peace. Words can be overlooked.
Possibly, if the town brigade had only used words to attack, everything might still be peaceful. People can ignore words.
But tomatoes cannot.
But tomatoes can't.
No man of spirit can bear to be pelted with over-ripe tomatoes for any length of time without feeling that if the thing goes on much longer he will be reluctantly compelled to take steps.
No man with any pride can stand being hit with overripe tomatoes for long without feeling that if it continues, he’ll have no choice but to take action.
In the present crisis, the first tomato was enough to set matters moving.
In the current crisis, the first tomato was enough to get things started.
As the two armies stood facing each other in silence under the dim and mysterious rays of the lamp, it suddenly whizzed out from the enemy’s ranks, and hit Wyatt on the right ear.
As the two armies stood facing each other in silence under the dim and mysterious light of the lamp, it suddenly shot out from the enemy’s ranks and struck Wyatt on the right ear.
There was a moment of suspense. Wyatt took out his handkerchief and wiped his face, over which the succulent vegetable had spread itself.
There was a moment of tension. Wyatt pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his face, over which the juicy vegetable had dripped.
“I don’t know how you fellows are going to pass the evening,” he said quietly. “My idea of a good after-dinner game is to try and find the chap who threw that. Anybody coming?”
“I don’t know how you guys are planning to spend the evening,” he said softly. “My idea of a good after-dinner game is to try and find the guy who threw that. Anyone joining?”
For the first five minutes it was as even a fight as one could have wished to see. It raged up and down the road without a pause, now in a solid mass, now splitting up into little groups. The science was on the side of the school. Most Wrykynians knew how to box to a certain extent. But, at any rate at first, it was no time for science. To be scientific one must have an opponent who observes at least the more important rules of the ring. It is impossible to do the latest ducks and hooks taught you by the instructor if your antagonist butts you in the chest, and then kicks your shins, while some dear friend of his, of whose presence you had no idea, hits you at the same time on the back of the head. The greatest expert would lose his science in such circumstances.
For the first five minutes, it was as close a fight as you could hope to see. It surged up and down the road without stopping, sometimes as a solid group and other times breaking off into smaller clusters. The school had the advantage in technique. Most Wrykyn boys knew how to box to some degree. But initially, it was not a time for technique. To be technical, you need an opponent who at least follows the main rules of the ring. It's impossible to use the latest moves your instructor taught you if your opponent charges at you, kicks your shins, while some friend of theirs, who you didn't even realize was there, clocks you on the back of the head. Even the best expert would lose their technique in that kind of chaos.
Probably what gave the school the victory in the end was the righteousness of their cause. They were smarting under a sense of injury, and there is nothing that adds a force to one’s blows and a recklessness to one’s style of delivering them more than a sense of injury.
Probably what ultimately led the school to victory was the justice of their cause. They felt wronged, and nothing boosts the impact of one's actions and adds a reckless edge to how one carries them out quite like the feeling of being injured.
Wyatt, one side of his face still showing traces of the tomato, led the school with a vigour that could not be resisted. He very seldom lost his temper, but he did draw the line at bad tomatoes.
Wyatt, one side of his face still showing signs of the tomato, led the school with an energy that was hard to resist. He almost never lost his cool, but he definitely drew the line at bad tomatoes.
Presently the school noticed that the enemy were vanishing little by little into the darkness which concealed the town. Barely a dozen remained. And their lonely condition seemed to be borne in upon these by a simultaneous brain-wave, for they suddenly gave the fight up, and stampeded as one man.
Presently, the school noticed that the enemy was slowly disappearing into the darkness that shrouded the town. Barely a dozen remained. Their lonely situation seemed to hit them all at once, as they suddenly gave up the fight and fled together as one.
The leaders were beyond recall, but two remained, tackled low by Wyatt and Clowes after the fashion of the football-field.
The leaders were out of reach, but two stayed back, taken down by Wyatt and Clowes like in a football game.
The school gathered round its prisoners, panting. The scene of the conflict had shifted little by little to a spot some fifty yards from where it had started. By the side of the road at this point was a green, depressed looking pond. Gloomy in the daytime, it looked unspeakable at night. It struck Wyatt, whose finer feelings had been entirely blotted out by tomato, as an ideal place in which to bestow the captives.
The school surrounded its prisoners, out of breath. The fight had gradually moved to a spot about fifty yards from where it began. Next to the road at this point was a green, depressed-looking pond. Dim during the day, it looked horrifying at night. It occurred to Wyatt, whose better instincts had been completely wiped out by anger, that it was the perfect place to put the captives.
“Let’s chuck ’em in there,” he said.
“Let’s throw them in there,” he said.
The idea was welcomed gladly by all, except the prisoners. A move was made towards the pond, and the procession had halted on the brink, when a new voice made itself heard.
The idea was welcomed by everyone, except the prisoners. They started to move toward the pond, and the group paused at the edge when a new voice came through.
“Now then,” it said, “what’s all this?”
“Alright,” it said, “what's going on here?”
A stout figure in policeman’s uniform was standing surveying them with the aid of a small bull’s-eye lantern.
A hefty figure in a police uniform was standing there, looking them over with a small bull’s-eye lantern.
“What’s all this?”
“What’s going on here?”
“It’s all right,” said Wyatt.
"All good," Wyatt said.
“All right, is it? What’s on?”
“All right, is it? What’s going on?”
One of the prisoners spoke.
One prisoner spoke.
“Make ’em leave hold of us, Mr. Butt. They’re a-going to chuck us in the pond.”
“Make them let go of us, Mr. Butt. They’re going to throw us in the pond.”
“Ho!” said the policeman, with a change in his voice. “Ho, are they? Come now, young gentleman, a lark’s a lark, but you ought to know where to stop.”
“Hey!” said the policeman, with a shift in his tone. “Hey, really? Come on, young man, a joke is a joke, but you need to know when to quit.”
“It’s anything but a lark,” said Wyatt in the creamy voice he used when feeling particularly savage. “We’re the Strong Right Arm of Justice. That’s what we are. This isn’t a lark, it’s an execution.”
“It’s anything but a joke,” said Wyatt in the smooth voice he used when he felt especially fierce. “We’re the Strong Right Arm of Justice. That’s who we are. This isn’t a joke, it’s an execution.”
“I don’t want none of your lip, whoever you are,” said Mr. Butt, understanding but dimly, and suspecting impudence by instinct.
“I don’t want any of your attitude, whoever you are,” said Mr. Butt, understanding it only vaguely and instinctively sensing the impudence.
“This is quite a private matter,” said Wyatt. “You run along on your beat. You can’t do anything here.”
“This is a pretty private matter,” said Wyatt. “You should go back to your beat. There’s nothing you can do here.”
“Ho!”
“Hey!”
“Shove ’em in, you chaps.”
“Put them in, guys.”
“Stop!” From Mr. Butt.
"Stop!" Mr. Butt said.
“Oo-er!” From prisoner number one.
“Oo-er!” From inmate number one.
There was a sounding splash as willing hands urged the first of the captives into the depths. He ploughed his way to the bank, scrambled out, and vanished.
There was a loud splash as eager hands pushed the first of the captives into the water. He made his way to the shore, climbed out, and disappeared.
Wyatt turned to the other prisoner.
Wyatt turned to the other inmate.
“You’ll have the worst of it, going in second. He’ll have churned up the mud a bit. Don’t swallow more than you can help, or you’ll go getting typhoid. I expect there are leeches and things there, but if you nip out quick they may not get on to you. Carry on, you chaps.”
“You’ll have it the hardest going in second. He’ll have stirred up the mud a bit. Try not to swallow more than you absolutely have to, or you might get typhoid. I bet there are leeches and stuff there, but if you get out quickly, they might not latch onto you. Keep going, guys.”
It was here that the regrettable incident occurred. Just as the second prisoner was being launched, Constable Butt, determined to assert himself even at the eleventh hour, sprang forward, and seized the captive by the arm. A drowning man will clutch at a straw. A man about to be hurled into an excessively dirty pond will clutch at a stout policeman. The prisoner did.
It was here that the unfortunate incident happened. Just as the second prisoner was being thrown, Constable Butt, eager to make a name for himself even at the last moment, stepped forward and grabbed the captive by the arm. A drowning man will reach for anything. A man about to be tossed into a filthy pond will grab onto a strong policeman. The prisoner did.
Constable Butt represented his one link with dry land. As he came within reach he attached himself to his tunic with the vigour and concentration of a limpet.
Constable Butt was his only connection to dry land. As he got closer, he clung to his tunic with the determination and focus of a limpet.
At the same moment the executioners gave their man the final heave. The policeman realised his peril too late. A medley of noises made the peaceful night hideous. A howl from the townee, a yell from the policeman, a cheer from the launching party, a frightened squawk from some birds in a neighbouring tree, and a splash compared with which the first had been as nothing, and all was over.
At that moment, the executioners gave their man one last push. The policeman realized he was in trouble too late. A mix of sounds turned the peaceful night into chaos. There was a howl from the local, a shout from the policeman, a cheer from the launching party, a scared squawk from some birds in a nearby tree, and a splash that made the first one seem insignificant, and it was all over.
The dark waters were lashed into a maelstrom; and then two streaming figures squelched up the further bank.
The dark waters were whipped into a whirlpool, and then two figures, soaked and splashing, crawled up the opposite bank.
The school stood in silent consternation. It was no occasion for light apologies.
The school was filled with quiet shock. It wasn’t a time for casual apologies.
“Do you know,” said Wyatt, as he watched the Law shaking the water from itself on the other side of the pond, “I’m not half sure that we hadn’t better be moving!”
“Do you know,” said Wyatt, as he watched the Law shaking the water off itself on the other side of the pond, “I’m not too sure that we shouldn’t be moving!”
CHAPTER IX
BEFORE THE STORM
Your real, devastating row has many points of resemblance with a prairie fire. A man on a prairie lights his pipe, and throws away the match. The flame catches a bunch of dry grass, and, before any one can realise what is happening, sheets of fire are racing over the country; and the interested neighbours are following their example. (I have already compared a row with a thunderstorm; but both comparisons may stand. In dealing with so vast a matter as a row there must be no stint.)
Your real, devastating argument has a lot in common with a prairie fire. A guy on the prairie lights his pipe and tosses the match away. The flame catches some dry grass, and before anyone can understand what's happening, sheets of fire are spreading across the land; and the concerned neighbors are following suit. (I've already compared an argument to a thunderstorm; but both comparisons hold. When tackling something as huge as an argument, there can't be any limits.)
The tomato which hit Wyatt in the face was the thrown-away match. But for the unerring aim of the town marksman great events would never have happened. A tomato is a trivial thing (though it is possible that the man whom it hits may not think so), but in the present case, it was the direct cause of epoch-making trouble.
The tomato that hit Wyatt in the face was the final straw. If it weren't for the precise aim of the town's sharpshooter, significant events might never have unfolded. A tomato is a small thing (though the person it hits might not see it that way), but in this situation, it directly caused major trouble.
The tomato hit Wyatt. Wyatt, with others, went to look for the thrower. The remnants of the thrower’s friends were placed in the pond, and “with them,” as they say in the courts of law, Police Constable Alfred Butt.
The tomato struck Wyatt. Wyatt, along with others, went to search for the person who threw it. The remains of the thrower's friends were left in the pond, and "with them," as they say in legal terms, was Police Constable Alfred Butt.
Following the chain of events, we find Mr. Butt, having prudently changed his clothes, calling upon the headmaster.
Following the chain of events, we find Mr. Butt, having wisely changed his clothes, visiting the headmaster.
The headmaster was grave and sympathetic; Mr. Butt fierce and revengeful.
The headmaster was serious and understanding; Mr. Butt was intense and vengeful.
The imagination of the force is proverbial. Nurtured on motor-cars and fed with stop-watches, it has become world-famous. Mr. Butt gave free rein to it.
The imagination of the force is well-known. Fueled by cars and driven by stopwatches, it has gained global recognition. Mr. Butt encouraged it fully.
“Threw me in, they did, sir. Yes, sir.”
“Threw me in, they did, sir. Yes, sir.”
“Threw you in!”
“Threw you in there!”
“Yes, sir. Plop!” said Mr. Butt, with a certain sad relish.
“Yes, sir. Plop!” said Mr. Butt, with a certain bittersweet enjoyment.
“Really, really!” said the headmaster. “Indeed! This is—dear me! I shall certainly—They threw you in!—Yes, I shall—certainly——”
“Really, really!” said the headmaster. “Indeed! This is—oh my! I will definitely—They threw you in!—Yes, I will—definitely——”
Encouraged by this appreciative reception of his story, Mr. Butt started it again, right from the beginning.
Encouraged by the positive response to his story, Mr. Butt started over from the beginning.
“I was on my beat, sir, and I thought I heard a disturbance. I says to myself, ‘’Allo,’ I says, ‘a frakkus. Lots of them all gathered together, and fighting.’ I says, beginning to suspect something, ‘Wot’s this all about, I wonder?’ I says. ‘Blow me if I don’t think it’s a frakkus.’ And,” concluded Mr. Butt, with the air of one confiding a secret, “and it was a frakkus!”
“I was on my patrol, sir, and I thought I heard some commotion. I said to myself, ‘Hello,’ I thought, ‘a fight. Lots of people gathered together, and they’re fighting.’ I began to wonder, ‘What’s this all about, I wonder?’ I said. ‘You know, I really think it’s a fight.’ And,” concluded Mr. Butt, with the air of someone sharing a secret, “and it was a fight!”
“And these boys actually threw you into the pond?”
“And these guys actually tossed you into the pond?”
“Plop, sir! Mrs. Butt is drying my uniform at home at this very moment as we sit talking here, sir. She says to me, ‘Why, whatever ’ave you been a-doing? You’re all wet.’ And,” he added, again with the confidential air, “I was wet, too. Wringin’ wet.”
“Plop, sir! Mrs. Butt is drying my uniform at home right now while we’re sitting here talking, sir. She says to me, ‘What on earth have you been doing? You’re completely soaked.’ And,” he added, once more with that confidential tone, “I was soaked, too. Completely drenched.”
The headmaster’s frown deepened.
The principal’s frown deepened.
“And you are certain that your assailants were boys from the school?”
“And you’re sure that your attackers were boys from the school?”
“Sure as I am that I’m sitting here, sir. They all ’ad their caps on their heads, sir.”
“Sure as I am that I'm sitting here, sir. They all had their caps on their heads, sir.”
“I have never heard of such a thing. I can hardly believe that it is possible. They actually seized you, and threw you into the water——”
“I've never heard anything like that. I can barely believe it's possible. They really grabbed you and threw you into the water——”
“Splish, sir!” said the policeman, with a vividness of imagery both surprising and gratifying.
“Splish, sir!” said the policeman, with a vividness of imagery that was both surprising and satisfying.
The headmaster tapped restlessly on the floor with his foot.
The headmaster tapped his foot impatiently on the floor.
“How many boys were there?” he asked.
“How many boys were there?” he asked.
“Couple of ’undred, sir,” said Mr. Butt promptly.
“Couple of hundred, sir,” Mr. Butt replied quickly.
“Two hundred!”
"Two hundred!"
“It was dark, sir, and I couldn’t see not to say properly; but if you ask me my frank and private opinion I should say couple of ’undred.”
“It was dark, sir, and I couldn’t see, let alone clearly; but if you ask for my honest and personal opinion, I’d say a couple of hundred.”
“H’m—Well, I will look into the matter at once. They shall be punished.”
“Hmm—Well, I’ll check into this right away. They will be punished.”
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Ye-e-s—H’m—Yes—Most severely.”
"Yup—Hmm—Yeah—Most definitely."
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
“Yes—Thank you, constable. Good-night.”
"Yes—Thanks, officer. Goodnight."
“Good-night, sir.”
“Good night, sir.”
The headmaster of Wrykyn was not a motorist. Owing to this disadvantage he made a mistake. Had he been a motorist, he would have known that statements by the police in the matter of figures must be divided by any number from two to ten, according to discretion. As it was, he accepted Constable Butt’s report almost as it stood. He thought that he might possibly have been mistaken as to the exact numbers of those concerned in his immersion; but he accepted the statement in so far as it indicated that the thing had been the work of a considerable section of the school, and not of only one or two individuals. And this made all the difference to his method of dealing with the affair. Had he known how few were the numbers of those responsible for the cold in the head which subsequently attacked Constable Butt, he would have asked for their names, and an extra lesson would have settled the entire matter.
The headmaster of Wrykyn didn’t drive. Because of this disadvantage, he made a mistake. If he had been a driver, he would have known that police statements regarding figures need to be divided by any number from two to ten, depending on the situation. Instead, he took Constable Butt's report almost at face value. He thought he might have been mistaken about the exact number of people involved in his situation, but he accepted the report as it showed that the incident involved a significant portion of the school, not just one or two individuals. This changed how he planned to handle the situation. If he had known how few people were actually responsible for the cold that later led to Constable Butt's illness, he would have asked for their names, and an extra lesson would have resolved the whole issue.
As it was, however, he got the impression that the school, as a whole, was culpable, and he proceeded to punish the school as a whole.
As it turned out, he felt that the school, in general, was at fault, so he went ahead and punished the entire school.
It happened that, about a week before the pond episode, a certain member of the Royal Family had recovered from a dangerous illness, which at one time had looked like being fatal. No official holiday had been given to the schools in honour of the recovery, but Eton and Harrow had set the example, which was followed throughout the kingdom, and Wrykyn had come into line with the rest. Only two days before the O.W.’s matches the headmaster had given out a notice in the hall that the following Friday would be a whole holiday; and the school, always ready to stop work, had approved of the announcement exceedingly.
It turned out that about a week before the pond incident, a member of the Royal Family had recovered from a serious illness that had once looked like it might be fatal. No official holiday was declared for schools in celebration of the recovery, but Eton and Harrow set the trend, which was then followed throughout the country, and Wrykyn fell in line with everyone else. Just two days before the O.W.'s matches, the headmaster announced in the hall that the upcoming Friday would be a full holiday, and the school, always eager to stop working, was very much in favor of the news.
The step which the headmaster decided to take by way of avenging Mr. Butt’s wrongs was to stop this holiday.
The step that the headmaster decided to take in order to get back at Mr. Butt for his wrongs was to cancel this holiday.
He gave out a notice to that effect on the Monday.
He issued a notice about that on Monday.
The school was thunderstruck. It could not understand it. The pond affair had, of course, become public property; and those who had had nothing to do with it had been much amused. “There’ll be a frightful row about it,” they had said, thrilled with the pleasant excitement of those who see trouble approaching and themselves looking on from a comfortable distance without risk or uneasiness. They were not malicious. They did not want to see their friends in difficulties. But there is no denying that a row does break the monotony of a school term. The thrilling feeling that something is going to happen is the salt of life....
The school was in shock. It couldn't comprehend it. The pond incident had, of course, become public knowledge, and those who had nothing to do with it found it quite entertaining. "There’s going to be a huge uproar about this," they said, excited by the thrill of watching trouble heading their way while staying comfortably removed from any risk or worry. They weren’t being mean. They didn’t want their friends to face problems. But it’s true that a commotion does break up the monotony of a school term. The exhilarating sensation that something is about to unfold is what makes life exciting....
And here they were, right in it after all. The blow had fallen, and crushed guilty and innocent alike.
And here they were, right in the thick of it after all. The blow had fallen, and it had crushed both the guilty and the innocent.
The school’s attitude can be summed up in three words. It was one vast, blank, astounded “Here, I say!”
The school’s attitude can be summed up in three words. It was one huge, blank, surprised “Hey, look!”
Everybody was saying it, though not always in those words. When condensed, everybody’s comment on the situation came to that.
Everybody was saying it, though not always in those exact words. When summed up, everyone’s take on the situation came down to that.
There is something rather pathetic in the indignation of a school. It must always, or nearly always, expend itself in words, and in private at that. Even the consolation of getting on to platforms and shouting at itself is denied to it. A public school has no Hyde Park.
There’s something quite sad about how a school expresses its outrage. It usually just comes out in words, and often in private. Even the comfort of getting on a platform and shouting at itself is taken away. A public school doesn’t have a Hyde Park.
There is every probability—in fact, it is certain—that, but for one malcontent, the school’s indignation would have been allowed to simmer down in the usual way, and finally become a mere vague memory.
There’s a good chance—actually, it’s a certainty—that, if it weren't for one troublemaker, the school’s anger would have died down like it usually does and eventually turned into just a distant memory.
The malcontent was Wyatt. He had been responsible for the starting of the matter, and he proceeded now to carry it on till it blazed up into the biggest thing of its kind ever known at Wrykyn—the Great Picnic.
The unhappy one was Wyatt. He had been the one to kick things off, and now he kept it going until it turned into the biggest event of its kind ever seen at Wrykyn—the Great Picnic.
Any one who knows the public schools, their ironbound conservatism, and, as a whole, intense respect for order and authority, will appreciate the magnitude of his feat, even though he may not approve of it. Leaders of men are rare. Leaders of boys are almost unknown. It requires genius to sway a school.
Anyone who understands the public schools, their strict conservatism, and, overall, strong respect for order and authority, will recognize the significance of his accomplishment, even if they may not agree with it. Leaders of men are uncommon. Leaders of boys are nearly nonexistent. It takes real talent to influence a school.
It would be an absorbing task for a psychologist to trace the various stages by which an impossibility was changed into a reality. Wyatt’s coolness and matter-of-fact determination were his chief weapons. His popularity and reputation for lawlessness helped him. A conversation which he had with Neville-Smith, a day-boy, is typical of the way in which he forced his point of view on the school.
It would be a fascinating job for a psychologist to follow the different stages through which an impossibility became a reality. Wyatt’s calm demeanor and straightforward determination were his main tools. His popularity and reputation for being a rebel worked in his favor. A conversation he had with Neville-Smith, a day student, is representative of how he pushed his perspective on the school.
Neville-Smith was thoroughly representative of the average Wrykynian. He could play his part in any minor “rag” which interested him, and probably considered himself, on the whole, a daring sort of person. But at heart he had an enormous respect for authority. Before he came to Wyatt, he would not have dreamed of proceeding beyond words in his revolt. Wyatt acted on him like some drug.
Neville-Smith was a perfect example of the typical Wrykynian. He could get involved in any little event that caught his interest and probably saw himself as somewhat adventurous overall. But deep down, he had a huge respect for authority. Before he arrived at Wyatt, he wouldn't have considered going beyond just talking in his rebellion. Wyatt had an effect on him like some kind of drug.
Neville-Smith came upon Wyatt on his way to the nets. The notice concerning the holiday had only been given out that morning, and he was full of it. He expressed his opinion of the headmaster freely and in well-chosen words. He said it was a swindle, that it was all rot, and that it was a beastly shame. He added that something ought to be done about it.
Neville-Smith ran into Wyatt on his way to the practice nets. The announcement about the holiday had just come out that morning, and he couldn't stop talking about it. He openly shared his thoughts about the headmaster, using clear and effective language. He called it a scam, said it was nonsense, and that it was a terrible shame. He also mentioned that something should be done about it.
“What are you going to do?” asked Wyatt.
“What are you going to do?” Wyatt asked.
“Well,” said Neville-Smith a little awkwardly, guiltily conscious that he had been frothing, and scenting sarcasm, “I don’t suppose one can actually do anything.”
“Well,” said Neville-Smith a bit awkwardly, feeling guilty that he had been rambling and picking up on the sarcasm, “I don’t think one can really do anything.”
“Why not?” said Wyatt.
“Why not?” Wyatt asked.
“What do you mean?”
"What do you mean?"
“Why don’t you take the holiday?”
“Why don’t you take the vacation?”
“What? Not turn up on Friday!”
“What? Not show up on Friday!”
“Yes. I’m not going to.”
“Yeah. I'm not doing that.”
Neville-Smith stopped and stared. Wyatt was unmoved.
Neville-Smith stopped and stared. Wyatt didn’t budge.
“You’re what?”
"What did you say?"
“I simply sha’n’t go to school.”
“I simply won't go to school.”
“You’re rotting.”
"You're decaying."
“All right.”
“Okay.”
“No, but, I say, ragging barred. Are you just going to cut off, though the holiday’s been stopped?”
“No, but I'm saying, hazing is not allowed. Are you really just going to bail, even though the holiday's been canceled?”
“That’s the idea.”
"That's the plan."
“You’ll get sacked.”
“You'll get fired.”
“I suppose so. But only because I shall be the only one to do it. If the whole school took Friday off, they couldn’t do much. They couldn’t sack the whole school.”
“I guess so. But only because I’ll be the only one doing it. If the whole school took Friday off, they wouldn’t be able to do much. They couldn’t fire the entire school.”
“By Jove, nor could they! I say!”
“By gosh, neither could they! I swear!”
They walked on, Neville-Smith’s mind in a whirl, Wyatt whistling.
They walked on, Neville-Smith’s mind spinning, Wyatt whistling.
“I say,” said Neville-Smith after a pause. “It would be a bit of a rag.”
“I say,” said Neville-Smith after a moment. “It would be quite a bit of a joke.”
“Not bad.”
"Pretty good."
“Do you think the chaps would do it?”
“Do you think the guys would do it?”
“If they understood they wouldn’t be alone.”
“If they understood, they wouldn’t feel alone.”
Another pause.
Another break.
“Shall I ask some of them?” said Neville-Smith.
“Should I ask some of them?” said Neville-Smith.
“Do.”
"Do it."
“I could get quite a lot, I believe.”
“I think I could get a good amount.”
“That would be a start, wouldn’t it? I could get a couple of dozen from Wain’s. We should be forty or fifty strong to start with.”
“That would be a start, right? I could grab a couple of dozen from Wain’s. We should have about forty or fifty to begin with.”
“I say, what a score, wouldn’t it be?”
“I mean, what a score that would be, right?”
“Yes.”
“Yep.”
“I’ll speak to the chaps to-night, and let you know.”
"I'll talk to the guys tonight and let you know."
“All right,” said Wyatt. “Tell them that I shall be going anyhow. I should be glad of a little company.”
“All right,” Wyatt said. “Let them know I'm going anyway. I wouldn't mind some company.”
The school turned in on the Thursday night in a restless, excited way. There were mysterious whisperings and gigglings. Groups kept forming in corners apart, to disperse casually and innocently on the approach of some person in authority.
The school lit up on Thursday night with a restless, excited energy. There were mysterious whispers and giggles. Groups kept gathering in the corners, only to break apart casually and innocently when someone in authority approached.
An air of expectancy permeated each of the houses.
An atmosphere of anticipation filled each of the houses.
CHAPTER X
THE GREAT PICNIC
Morning school at Wrykyn started at nine o’clock. At that hour there was a call-over in each of the form-rooms. After call-over the forms proceeded to the Great Hall for prayers.
Morning school at Wrykyn started at nine o’clock. At that time, there was a roll call in each of the classroom. After roll call, the classes went to the Great Hall for prayers.
A strangely desolate feeling was in the air at nine o’clock on the Friday morning. Sit in the grounds of a public school any afternoon in the summer holidays, and you will get exactly the same sensation of being alone in the world as came to the dozen or so day-boys who bicycled through the gates that morning. Wrykyn was a boarding-school for the most part, but it had its leaven of day-boys. The majority of these lived in the town, and walked to school. A few, however, whose homes were farther away, came on bicycles. One plutocrat did the journey in a motor-car, rather to the scandal of the authorities, who, though unable to interfere, looked askance when compelled by the warning toot of the horn to skip from road to pavement. A form-master has the strongest objection to being made to skip like a young ram by a boy to whom he has only the day before given a hundred lines for shuffling his feet in form.
A strangely empty feeling hung in the air at nine o'clock on that Friday morning. If you sit in the grounds of a public school any afternoon during the summer break, you’ll feel the same sense of isolation that washed over the dozen or so day-boys who biked through the gates that morning. Wrykyn was mostly a boarding school, but it did have a few day-boys. Most of them lived in town and walked to school. A couple of them, whose homes were farther away, rode their bikes. One wealthy kid made the trip in a car, much to the disapproval of the authorities, who, although they couldn’t do anything, looked disapprovingly when he forced them to jump from the road to the sidewalk with a warning honk of the horn. A form-master really dislikes being forced to jump like a young ram by a boy he had just given a hundred lines to for shuffling his feet in class the day before.
It seemed curious to these cyclists that there should be nobody about. Punctuality is the politeness of princes, but it was not a leading characteristic of the school; and at three minutes to nine, as a general rule, you might see the gravel in front of the buildings freely dotted with sprinters, trying to get in in time to answer their names.
It struck these cyclists as strange that there was no one around. Being on time is a sign of respect, but it wasn’t something the school was known for; usually, at three minutes to nine, the gravel in front of the buildings was filled with students sprinting to make it in time to have their names called.
It was curious that there should be nobody about to-day. A wave of reform could scarcely have swept through the houses during the night.
It was strange that there was nobody around today. A wave of reform couldn't have possibly swept through the houses overnight.
And yet—where was everybody?
And yet—where is everyone?
Time only deepened the mystery. The form-rooms, like the gravel, were empty.
Time only deepened the mystery. The form-rooms, like the gravel, were empty.
The cyclists looked at one another in astonishment. What could it mean?
The cyclists stared at each other in shock. What could it mean?
It was an occasion on which sane people wonder if their brains are not playing them some unaccountable trick.
It was a time when rational people wonder if their minds are pulling some strange trick on them.
“I say,” said Willoughby, of the Lower Fifth, to Brown, the only other occupant of the form-room, “the old man did stop the holiday to-day, didn’t he?”
“I say,” said Willoughby, of the Lower Fifth, to Brown, the only other occupant of the form-room, “the old man *did* cancel the holiday today, didn’t he?”
“Just what I was going to ask you,” said Brown. “It’s jolly rum. I distinctly remember him giving it out in hall that it was going to be stopped because of the O.W.’s day row.”
“Just what I was going to ask you,” said Brown. “It’s really strange. I clearly remember him saying in the hall that it was going to be canceled because of the O.W.’s day fight.”
“So do I. I can’t make it out. Where is everybody?”
“So do I. I can’t figure it out. Where is everyone?”
“They can’t all be late.”
“They can’t all be late.”
“Somebody would have turned up by now. Why, it’s just striking.”
"Someone should have shown up by now. Wow, it’s just hitting."
“Perhaps he sent another notice round the houses late last night, saying it was on again all right. I say, what a swindle if he did. Some one might have let us know. I should have got up an hour later.”
“Maybe he sent another notice around the neighborhood late last night, saying it was happening again for sure. I mean, what a scam if he did. Someone could have informed us. I would have gotten up an hour later.”
“So should I.”
"Me too."
“Hullo, here is somebody.”
“Hey, here is somebody.”
It was the master of the Lower Fifth, Mr. Spence. He walked briskly into the room, as was his habit. Seeing the obvious void, he stopped in his stride, and looked puzzled.
It was the head of the Lower Fifth, Mr. Spence. He walked quickly into the room, as he usually did. Noticing the clear emptiness, he paused mid-step and looked confused.
“Willoughby. Brown. Are you the only two here? Where is everybody?”
“Willoughby. Brown. Are you the only two here? Where is everyone?”
“Please, sir, we don’t know. We were just wondering.”
“Please, sir, we don’t know. We were just curious.”
“Have you seen nobody?”
“Have you seen anyone?”
“No, sir.”
“Not a chance, sir.”
“We were just wondering, sir, if the holiday had been put on again, after all.”
“We were just wondering, sir, if the holiday has been rescheduled after all.”
“I’ve heard nothing about it. I should have received some sort of intimation if it had been.”
“I haven’t heard anything about it. I should have gotten some kind of hint if it had happened.”
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Do you mean to say that you have seen nobody, Brown?”
“Are you saying that you have seen nobody, Brown?”
“Only about a dozen fellows, sir. The usual lot who come on bikes, sir.”
“Just about a dozen guys, sir. The usual crew who ride bikes, sir.”
“None of the boarders?”
“None of the tenants?”
“No, sir. Not a single one.”
“No, sir. Not a single one.”
“This is extraordinary.”
“This is amazing.”
Mr. Spence pondered.
Mr. Spence thought.
“Well,” he said, “you two fellows had better go along up to Hall. I shall go to the Common Room and make inquiries. Perhaps, as you say, there is a holiday to-day, and the notice was not brought to me.”
“Well,” he said, “you two should head up to Hall. I’ll go to the Common Room and find out what’s going on. Maybe, like you said, there’s a holiday today, and I just didn’t get the notice.”
Mr. Spence told himself, as he walked to the Common Room, that this might be a possible solution of the difficulty. He was not a house-master, and lived by himself in rooms in the town. It was just conceivable that they might have forgotten to tell him of the change in the arrangements.
Mr. Spence told himself, as he walked to the Common Room, that this might be a possible solution to the problem. He wasn’t a house master and lived alone in rooms in town. It was just possible that they might have forgotten to inform him about the change in the plans.
But in the Common Room the same perplexity reigned. Half a dozen masters were seated round the room, and a few more were standing. And they were all very puzzled.
But in the Common Room, the same confusion hung in the air. About six teachers were sitting around the room, and a few others were standing. They were all very confused.
A brisk conversation was going on. Several voices hailed Mr. Spence as he entered.
A lively conversation was happening. Several voices called out to Mr. Spence as he walked in.
“Hullo, Spence. Are you alone in the world too?”
“Halo, Spence. Are you all alone in the world too?”
“Any of your boys turned up, Spence?”
“Have any of your guys shown up, Spence?”
“You in the same condition as we are, Spence?”
“You in the same situation as us, Spence?”
Mr. Spence seated himself on the table.
Mr. Spence sat down on the table.
“Haven’t any of your fellows turned up, either?” he said.
“Haven’t any of your friends shown up, either?” he said.
“When I accepted the honourable post of Lower Fourth master in this abode of sin,” said Mr. Seymour, “it was on the distinct understanding that there was going to be a Lower Fourth. Yet I go into my form-room this morning, and what do I find? Simply Emptiness, and Pickersgill II. whistling ‘The Church Parade,’ all flat. I consider I have been hardly treated.”
“When I took the respectable position of Lower Fourth master in this place of sin,” said Mr. Seymour, “it was with the clear understanding that there would actually be a Lower Fourth. Yet I walk into my classroom this morning, and what do I find? Just emptiness, and Pickersgill II. whistling ‘The Church Parade,’ completely out of tune. I believe I have been treated unfairly.”
“I have no complaint to make against Brown and Willoughby, as individuals,” said Mr. Spence; “but, considered as a form, I call them short measure.”
“I don’t have any issues with Brown and Willoughby as people,” said Mr. Spence; “but, when you look at them as a group, I think they’re falling short.”
“I confess that I am entirely at a loss,” said Mr. Shields precisely. “I have never been confronted with a situation like this since I became a schoolmaster.”
“I admit that I’m completely stumped,” Mr. Shields said clearly. “I’ve never faced a situation like this since I became a schoolmaster.”
“It is most mysterious,” agreed Mr. Wain, plucking at his beard. “Exceedingly so.”
“It’s really mysterious,” agreed Mr. Wain, tugging at his beard. “Definitely so.”
The younger masters, notably Mr. Spence and Mr. Seymour, had begun to look on the thing as a huge jest.
The younger masters, especially Mr. Spence and Mr. Seymour, had started to see it as a big joke.
“We had better teach ourselves,” said Mr. Seymour. “Spence, do a hundred lines for laughing in form.”
“We should teach ourselves,” said Mr. Seymour. “Spence, write a hundred lines for laughing in class.”
The door burst open.
The door swung open.
“Hullo, here’s another scholastic Little Bo-Peep,” said Mr. Seymour. “Well, Appleby, have you lost your sheep, too?”
“Hullo, here’s another academic Little Bo-Peep,” said Mr. Seymour. “Well, Appleby, have you lost your sheep, too?”
“You don’t mean to tell me——” began Mr. Appleby.
“You can’t be serious——” began Mr. Appleby.
“I do,” said Mr. Seymour. “Here we are, fifteen of us, all good men and true, graduates of our Universities, and, as far as I can see, if we divide up the boys who have come to school this morning on fair share-and-share-alike lines, it will work out at about two-thirds of a boy each. Spence, will you take a third of Pickersgill II.?”
“I do,” said Mr. Seymour. “Here we are, fifteen of us, all good guys, graduates of our universities, and as far as I can see, if we divide the boys who came to school this morning evenly, it will turn out to be about two-thirds of a boy each. Spence, will you take a third of Pickersgill II.?”
“I want none of your charity,” said Mr. Spence loftily. “You don’t seem to realise that I’m the best off of you all. I’ve got two in my form. It’s no good offering me your Pickersgills. I simply haven’t room for them.”
“I don’t want any of your charity,” said Mr. Spence, looking down on him. “You don’t seem to understand that I’m better off than all of you. I’ve got two in my class. There’s no point in offering me your Pickersgills. I just don’t have the space for them.”
“What does it all mean?” exclaimed Mr. Appleby.
“What does it all mean?” Mr. Appleby exclaimed.
“If you ask me,” said Mr. Seymour, “I should say that it meant that the school, holding the sensible view that first thoughts are best, have ignored the head’s change of mind, and are taking their holiday as per original programme.”
“If you ask me,” said Mr. Seymour, “I think it means that the school, believing that first thoughts are the best, has disregarded the head’s change of heart and is sticking to their original holiday schedule.”
“They surely cannot——!”
“They definitely can’t——!”
“Well, where are they then?”
"Well, where are they?"
“Do you seriously mean that the entire school has—has rebelled?”
“Are you really saying that the whole school has—has rebelled?”
“‘Nay, sire,’” quoted Mr. Spence, “‘a revolution!’”
“‘No, sir,’” quoted Mr. Spence, “‘a revolution!’”
“I never heard of such a thing!”
“I've never heard of anything like that!”
“We’re making history,” said Mr. Seymour.
“We’re making history,” Mr. Seymour said.
“It will be rather interesting,” said Mr. Spence, “to see how the head will deal with a situation like this. One can rely on him to do the statesman-like thing, but I’m bound to say I shouldn’t care to be in his place. It seems to me these boys hold all the cards. You can’t expel a whole school. There’s safety in numbers. The thing is colossal.”
“It'll be pretty interesting,” said Mr. Spence, “to see how the head will handle a situation like this. You can count on him to do what's expected of a leader, but I have to admit I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. It seems to me these boys have all the power. You can’t expel an entire school. There’s strength in numbers. This situation is huge.”
“It is deplorable,” said Mr. Wain, with austerity. “Exceedingly so.”
“It’s unacceptable,” said Mr. Wain, sternly. “Completely unacceptable.”
“I try to think so,” said Mr. Spence, “but it’s a struggle. There’s a Napoleonic touch about the business that appeals to one. Disorder on a small scale is bad, but this is immense. I’ve never heard of anything like it at any public school. When I was at Winchester, my last year there, there was pretty nearly a revolution because the captain of cricket was expelled on the eve of the Eton match. I remember making inflammatory speeches myself on that occasion. But we stopped on the right side of the line. We were satisfied with growling. But this——!”
“I try to think that way,” Mr. Spence said, “but it’s tough. There’s something Napoleon-like about this situation that draws you in. Small-scale disorder is bad, but this is on a massive level. I’ve never seen anything like it at any public school. When I was at Winchester, during my last year, there was nearly a revolution because the cricket captain was kicked out right before the Eton match. I remember giving some heated speeches myself back then. But we stayed on the right side of the line. We were okay with just complaining. But this——!”
Mr. Seymour got up.
Mr. Seymour stood up.
“It’s an ill wind,” he said. “With any luck we ought to get the day off, and it’s ideal weather for a holiday. The head can hardly ask us to sit indoors, teaching nobody. If I have to stew in my form-room all day, instructing Pickersgill II., I shall make things exceedingly sultry for that youth. He will wish that the Pickersgill progeny had stopped short at his elder brother. He will not value life. In the meantime, as it’s already ten past, hadn’t we better be going up to Hall to see what the orders of the day are?”
“It’s a bad situation,” he said. “If we're lucky, we might get the day off, and the weather is perfect for a holiday. The headmaster can’t expect us to stay inside, teaching no one. If I have to stay cooped up in my classroom all day, teaching Pickersgill II., I’ll make it incredibly uncomfortable for that kid. He’ll wish the Pickersgill family had stopped at his older brother. He won’t appreciate life. In the meantime, since it’s already ten past, shouldn’t we head up to Hall to check the schedule for the day?”
“Look at Shields,” said Mr. Spence. “He might be posing for a statue to be called ‘Despair!’ He reminds me of Macduff. Macbeth, Act iv., somewhere near the end. ‘What, all my pretty chickens, at one fell swoop?’ That’s what Shields is saying to himself.”
“Look at Shields,” said Mr. Spence. “He looks like he could be the model for a statue called ‘Despair!’ He reminds me of Macduff. Macbeth, Act iv., somewhere near the end. ‘What, all my pretty chickens, at one fell swoop?’ That’s what Shields is thinking to himself.”
“It’s all very well to make a joke of it, Spence,” said Mr. Shields querulously, “but it is most disturbing. Most.”
“It’s easy to make a joke out of it, Spence,” Mr. Shields complained, “but it’s really unsettling. Very.”
“Exceedingly,” agreed Mr. Wain.
"Definitely," agreed Mr. Wain.
The bereaved company of masters walked on up the stairs that led to the Great Hall.
The grieving group of leaders walked up the stairs that led to the Great Hall.
CHAPTER XI
THE CONCLUSION OF THE PICNIC
If the form-rooms had been lonely, the Great Hall was doubly, trebly, so. It was a vast room, stretching from side to side of the middle block, and its ceiling soared up into a distant dome. At one end was a dais and an organ, and at intervals down the room stood long tables. The panels were covered with the names of Wrykynians who had won scholarships at Oxford and Cambridge, and of Old Wrykynians who had taken first in Mods or Greats, or achieved any other recognised success, such as a place in the Indian Civil Service list. A silent testimony, these panels, to the work the school had done in the world.
If the classrooms had felt empty, the Great Hall felt even more so. It was a huge space, stretching from one side to the other of the main building, with a ceiling that rose up to a distant dome. At one end, there was a raised platform and an organ, and along the room, long tables were set up at intervals. The walls were covered with the names of Wrykynians who had earned scholarships to Oxford and Cambridge, along with those Old Wrykynians who had topped their exams in Mods or Greats, or achieved any other notable success, like getting on the Indian Civil Service list. These panels stood as a silent testament to the contributions the school had made to the world.
Nobody knew exactly how many the Hall could hold, when packed to its fullest capacity. The six hundred odd boys at the school seemed to leave large gaps unfilled.
Nobody knew exactly how many people the Hall could hold when it was packed to its fullest capacity. The six hundred or so boys at the school seemed to leave large gaps unfilled.
This morning there was a mere handful, and the place looked worse than empty.
This morning there were only a few people, and the place looked even worse than being empty.
The Sixth Form were there, and the school prefects. The Great Picnic had not affected their numbers. The Sixth stood by their table in a solid group. The other tables were occupied by ones and twos. A buzz of conversation was going on, which did not cease when the masters filed into the room and took their places. Every one realised by this time that the biggest row in Wrykyn history was well under way; and the thing had to be discussed.
The Sixth Form was present, along with the school prefects. The Great Picnic hadn't impacted their turnout. The Sixth stood together by their table in a tight group. The other tables had just a few people scattered around. There was a hum of conversation that continued even when the teachers walked into the room and took their seats. By this point, everyone knew that the biggest uproar in Wrykyn history was in full swing, and it needed to be talked about.
In the Masters’ library Mr. Wain and Mr. Shields, the spokesmen of the Common Room, were breaking the news to the headmaster.
In the Masters' library, Mr. Wain and Mr. Shields, the representatives of the Common Room, were informing the headmaster of the news.
The headmaster was a man who rarely betrayed emotion in his public capacity. He heard Mr. Shields’s rambling remarks, punctuated by Mr. Wain’s “Exceedinglys,” to an end. Then he gathered up his cap and gown.
The headmaster was a man who seldom showed emotion in his public role. He listened to Mr. Shields’s long-winded comments, interrupted by Mr. Wain’s “Exceedinglys,” until it was over. Then he collected his cap and gown.
“You say that the whole school is absent?” he remarked quietly.
“You're saying that the entire school is missing?” he said softly.
Mr. Shields, in a long-winded flow of words, replied that that was what he did say.
Mr. Shields, in a lengthy response, stated that that was indeed what he meant.
“Ah!” said the headmaster.
"Ah!" said the principal.
There was a silence.
It was silent.
“’M!” said the headmaster.
“'M!” said the principal.
There was another silence.
There was another pause.
“Ye—e—s!” said the headmaster.
"Yes!" said the headmaster.
He then led the way into the Hall.
He then walked ahead into the Hall.
Conversation ceased abruptly as he entered. The school, like an audience at a theatre when the hero has just appeared on the stage, felt that the serious interest of the drama had begun. There was a dead silence at every table as he strode up the room and on to the dais.
Conversation stopped suddenly when he walked in. The school, like an audience at a theater when the hero first steps onto the stage, sensed that the serious part of the drama had begun. There was complete silence at every table as he made his way up the room and onto the platform.
There was something Titanic in his calmness. Every eye was on his face as he passed up the Hall, but not a sign of perturbation could the school read. To judge from his expression, he might have been unaware of the emptiness around him.
There was something monumental in his calmness. Every eye was on his face as he walked up the Hall, but the school couldn't read a hint of anxiety from him. Judging by his expression, he might have been oblivious to the emptiness surrounding him.
The master who looked after the music of the school, and incidentally accompanied the hymn with which prayers at Wrykyn opened, was waiting, puzzled, at the foot of the dais. It seemed improbable that things would go on as usual, and he did not know whether he was expected to be at the organ, or not. The headmaster’s placid face reassured him. He went to his post.
The music master in charge of the school's music, who also played the hymn that opened the prayers at Wrykyn, stood at the bottom of the platform looking confused. It seemed unlikely that everything would proceed as normal, and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be at the organ or not. The headmaster’s calm expression eased his worries. He took his place.
The hymn began. It was a long hymn, and one which the school liked for its swing and noise. As a rule, when it was sung, the Hall re-echoed. To-day, the thin sound of the voices had quite an uncanny effect. The organ boomed through the deserted room.
The hymn started. It was a long hymn that the school enjoyed because of its rhythm and loudness. Usually, when it was sung, the Hall would resonate. Today, the faint sound of the voices was eerily unusual. The organ rang out through the empty room.
The school, or the remnants of it, waited impatiently while the prefect whose turn it was to read stammered nervously through the lesson. They were anxious to get on to what the Head was going to say at the end of prayers. At last it was over. The school waited, all ears.
The school, or what was left of it, waited impatiently while the prefect assigned to read stumbled nervously through the lesson. They were eager to hear what the Head would say after prayers. Finally, it was over. The school waited, all ears.
The headmaster bent down from the dais and called to Firby-Smith, who was standing in his place with the Sixth.
The headmaster leaned down from the platform and called out to Firby-Smith, who was standing in his spot with the Sixth.
The Gazeka, blushing warmly, stepped forward.
The Gazeka, blushing warmly, stepped forward.
“Bring me a school list, Firby-Smith,” said the headmaster.
“Bring me a school list, Firby-Smith,” said the headmaster.
The Gazeka was wearing a pair of very squeaky boots that morning. They sounded deafening as he walked out of the room.
The Gazeka was wearing a pair of really squeaky boots that morning. They made a loud noise as he walked out of the room.
The school waited.
The school was waiting.
Presently a distant squeaking was heard, and Firby-Smith returned, bearing a large sheet of paper.
Presently, a faint squeaking sound was heard, and Firby-Smith came back, holding a large sheet of paper.
The headmaster thanked him, and spread it out on the reading-desk.
The headmaster thanked him and laid it out on the reading desk.
Then, calmly, as if it were an occurrence of every day, he began to call the roll.
Then, calmly, as if it were something that happened every day, he started calling the roll.
“Abney.”
“Abney.”
No answer.
No response.
“Adams.”
“Adams.”
No answer.
No response.
“Allenby.”
“Allenby.”
“Here, sir,” from a table at the end of the room. Allenby was a prefect, in the Science Sixth.
“Over here, sir,” from a table at the back of the room. Allenby was a prefect in the Science Sixth.
The headmaster made a mark against his name with a pencil.
The headmaster made a check next to his name with a pencil.
“Arkwright.”
"Arkwright."
No answer.
No response.
He began to call the names more rapidly.
He started calling out the names faster.
“Arlington. Arthur. Ashe. Aston.”
“Arlington. Arthur. Ashe. Aston.”
“Here, sir,” in a shrill treble from the rider in motorcars.
“Here you go, sir,” said the rider in a high-pitched voice from the cars.
The headmaster made another tick.
The principal made another mark.
The list came to an end after what seemed to the school an unconscionable time, and he rolled up the paper again, and stepped to the edge of the dais.
The list finally finished after what felt like an unbearable amount of time to the school, and he rolled the paper back up and moved to the edge of the platform.
“All boys not in the Sixth Form,” he said, “will go to their form-rooms and get their books and writing-materials, and return to the Hall.”
“All boys not in the Sixth Form,” he said, “will go to their classrooms and grab their books and supplies, then come back to the Hall.”
(“Good work,” murmured Mr. Seymour to himself. “Looks as if we should get that holiday after all.”)
(“Good job,” Mr. Seymour muttered to himself. “It seems like we might actually get that holiday after all.”)
“The Sixth Form will go to their form-room as usual. I should like to speak to the masters for a moment.”
“The Sixth Form will head to their form room like always. I’d like to talk to the teachers for a moment.”
He nodded dismissal to the school.
He nodded dismissively to the school.
The masters collected on the daïs.
The masters gathered on the platform.
“I find that I shall not require your services to-day,” said the headmaster. “If you will kindly set the boys in your forms some work that will keep them occupied, I will look after them here. It is a lovely day,” he added, with a smile, “and I am sure you will all enjoy yourselves a great deal more in the open air.”
“I don't think I need your help today,” said the headmaster. “If you could please give the boys in your classes some work to keep them busy, I’ll take care of them here. It's a beautiful day,” he added with a smile, “and I’m sure you’ll all have a lot more fun outside.”
“That,” said Mr. Seymour to Mr. Spence, as they went downstairs, “is what I call a genuine sportsman.”
“That,” Mr. Seymour said to Mr. Spence as they went downstairs, “is what I consider a true sportsman.”
“My opinion neatly expressed,” said Mr. Spence. “Come on the river. Or shall we put up a net, and have a knock?”
“Here’s my opinion clearly stated,” said Mr. Spence. “Let’s go on the river. Or should we set up a net and have a fight?”
“River, I think. Meet you at the boat-house.”
“River, I believe. See you at the boathouse.”
“All right. Don’t be long.”
"Okay. Don't take too long."
“If every day were run on these lines, school-mastering wouldn’t be such a bad profession. I wonder if one could persuade one’s form to run amuck as a regular thing.”
“If every day operated like this, being a teacher wouldn’t be such a bad job. I wonder if it’s possible to get my class to act out like this regularly.”
“Pity one can’t. It seems to me the ideal state of things. Ensures the greatest happiness of the greatest number.”
“It's a shame we can't. I think that's the ideal situation. It guarantees the greatest happiness for the most people.”
“I say! Suppose the school has gone up the river, too, and we meet them! What shall we do?”
“I say! What if the school has gone up the river too, and we run into them? What should we do?”
“Thank them,” said Mr. Spence, “most kindly. They’ve done us well.”
“Thank them,” said Mr. Spence, “very much. They’ve done a great job for us.”
The school had not gone up the river. They had marched in a solid body, with the school band at their head playing Sousa, in the direction of Worfield, a market town of some importance, distant about five miles. Of what they did and what the natives thought of it all, no very distinct records remain. The thing is a tradition on the countryside now, an event colossal and heroic, to be talked about in the tap-room of the village inn during the long winter evenings. The papers got hold of it, but were curiously misled as to the nature of the demonstration. This was the fault of the reporter on the staff of the Worfield Intelligencer and Farmers’ Guide, who saw in the thing a legitimate “march-out,” and, questioning a straggler as to the reason for the expedition and gathering foggily that the restoration to health of the Eminent Person was at the bottom of it, said so in his paper. And two days later, at about the time when Retribution had got seriously to work, the Daily Mail reprinted the account, with comments and elaborations, and headed it “Loyal Schoolboys.” The writer said that great credit was due to the headmaster of Wrykyn for his ingenuity in devising and organising so novel a thanksgiving celebration. And there was the usual conversation between “a rosy-cheeked lad of some sixteen summers” and “our representative,” in which the rosy-cheeked one spoke most kindly of the head-master, who seemed to be a warm personal friend of his.
The school hadn't gone up the river. They marched together, with the school band in front playing Sousa, towards Worfield, a significant market town about five miles away. There aren't clear records of what they did or what the locals thought of it. It's become a tradition in the countryside now, a huge and heroic event that's talked about in the village inn's taproom during the long winter nights. The papers caught wind of it, but they were oddly misled about the nature of the event. This was because of the reporter from the Worfield Intelligencer and Farmers’ Guide, who viewed it as a legitimate “march-out,” and, after asking a straggler why they were out, vaguely gathered that it was to celebrate the recovery of the Eminent Person, which he reported. Two days later, around the time when Retribution was taking its course, the Daily Mail reprinted the story with added commentary and titled it “Loyal Schoolboys.” The writer claimed that the headmaster of Wrykyn deserved great credit for his creativity in planning and organizing such a unique thanksgiving celebration. There was the usual exchange between “a rosy-cheeked lad of about sixteen” and “our representative,” in which the rosy-cheeked boy spoke very fondly of the headmaster, who seemed to be a close personal friend of his.
The remarkable thing about the Great Picnic was its orderliness. Considering that five hundred and fifty boys were ranging the country in a compact mass, there was wonderfully little damage done to property. Wyatt’s genius did not stop short at organising the march. In addition, he arranged a system of officers which effectually controlled the animal spirits of the rank and file. The prompt and decisive way in which rioters were dealt with during the earlier stages of the business proved a wholesome lesson to others who would have wished to have gone and done likewise. A spirit of martial law reigned over the Great Picnic. And towards the end of the day fatigue kept the rowdy-minded quiet.
The impressive thing about the Great Picnic was how organized it was. Considering there were five hundred and fifty boys roaming the countryside together, there was surprisingly little property damage. Wyatt’s talent didn’t just end with organizing the march. He also set up a system of officers that effectively managed the wild energy of the group. The quick and decisive way rioters were handled in the early stages served as a strong warning to others who might have wanted to act similarly. A sense of martial law was present throughout the Great Picnic. By the end of the day, exhaustion kept the troublemakers in check.
At Worfield the expedition lunched. It was not a market-day, fortunately, or the confusion in the narrow streets would have been hopeless. On ordinary days Worfield was more or less deserted. It is astonishing that the resources of the little town were equal to satisfying the needs of the picnickers. They descended on the place like an army of locusts.
At Worfield, the group had lunch. Luckily, it wasn't a market day; otherwise, the chaos in the narrow streets would have been overwhelming. On regular days, Worfield was pretty much empty. It's surprising that the little town could handle the demands of the picnickers. They swooped in like a swarm of locusts.
Wyatt, as generalissimo of the expedition, walked into the “Grasshopper and Ant,” the leading inn of the town.
Wyatt, as the commander of the expedition, walked into the “Grasshopper and Ant,” the main inn of the town.
“Anything I can do for you, sir?” inquired the landlord politely.
“Is there anything I can do for you, sir?” the landlord asked politely.
“Yes, please,” said Wyatt, “I want lunch for five hundred and fifty.”
“Yes, please,” said Wyatt, “I want lunch for five hundred and fifty.”
That was the supreme moment in mine host’s life. It was his big subject of conversation ever afterwards. He always told that as his best story, and he always ended with the words, “You could ha’ knocked me down with a feather!”
That was the peak moment in my host's life. It became his favorite topic of conversation from then on. He always shared it as his best story and would always finish with, “You could have knocked me down with a feather!”
The first shock over, the staff of the “Grasshopper and Ant” bustled about. Other inns were called upon for help. Private citizens rallied round with bread, jam, and apples. And the army lunched sumptuously.
The initial shock passed, the staff of the “Grasshopper and Ant” moved around busily. Other inns were asked for assistance. Local residents stepped in with bread, jam, and apples. And the army enjoyed a lavish lunch.
In the early afternoon they rested, and as evening began to fall, the march home was started.
In the early afternoon, they took a break, and as evening approached, they started the march home.
At the school, net practice was just coming to an end when, faintly, as the garrison of Lucknow heard the first skirl of the pipes of the relieving force, those on the grounds heard the strains of the school band and a murmur of many voices. Presently the sounds grew more distinct, and up the Wrykyn road came marching the vanguard of the column, singing the school song. They looked weary but cheerful.
At the school, practice was just wrapping up when, faintly, just like the garrison of Lucknow heard the first notes of the pipes from the relieving force, those on the grounds heard the music of the school band and a buzz of many voices. Soon, the sounds became clearer, and up the Wrykyn road came marching the front of the column, singing the school song. They looked tired but happy.
As the army drew near to the school, it melted away little by little, each house claiming its representatives. At the school gates only a handful were left.
As the army got closer to the school, it gradually disappeared, with each house taking its people. Only a few remained at the school gates.
Bob Jackson, walking back to Donaldson’s, met Wyatt at the gate, and gazed at him, speechless.
Bob Jackson, walking back to Donaldson’s, ran into Wyatt at the gate and looked at him, without saying a word.
“Hullo,” said Wyatt, “been to the nets? I wonder if there’s time for a ginger-beer before the shop shuts.”
“Hullo,” said Wyatt, “been to the nets? I’m wondering if there’s time for a ginger beer before the shop closes.”
CHAPTER XII
MIKE GETS HIS CHANCE
The headmaster was quite bland and business-like about it all. There were no impassioned addresses from the dais. He did not tell the school that it ought to be ashamed of itself. Nor did he say that he should never have thought it of them. Prayers on the Saturday morning were marked by no unusual features. There was, indeed, a stir of excitement when he came to the edge of the dais, and cleared his throat as a preliminary to making an announcement. Now for it, thought the school.
The headmaster was pretty dull and all business about the whole thing. There were no passionate speeches from the platform. He didn’t tell the school that it should be ashamed of itself. Nor did he say that he never would have expected this from them. Prayers on Saturday morning were pretty normal. There was, however, a buzz of excitement when he stepped to the edge of the platform and cleared his throat to make an announcement. Here we go, thought the school.
This was the announcement.
This was the update.
“There has been an outbreak of chicken-pox in the town. All streets except the High Street will in consequence be out of bounds till further notice.”
“There’s been an outbreak of chickenpox in town. All streets except High Street will be off-limits until further notice.”
He then gave the nod of dismissal.
He then gave a nod to dismiss everyone.
The school streamed downstairs, marvelling.
The school rushed downstairs, amazed.
The less astute of the picnickers, unmindful of the homely proverb about hallooing before leaving the wood, were openly exulting. It seemed plain to them that the headmaster, baffled by the magnitude of the thing, had resolved to pursue the safe course of ignoring it altogether. To lie low is always a shrewd piece of tactics, and there seemed no reason why the Head should not have decided on it in the present instance.
The less perceptive of the picnic-goers, unaware of the old saying about celebrating before you've actually left the woods, were clearly thrilled. It seemed obvious to them that the headmaster, overwhelmed by the situation, had chosen to take the safe route by completely ignoring it. Keeping a low profile is always a smart strategy, and there didn't appear to be any reason why the Head shouldn't have opted for that approach this time.
Neville-Smith was among these premature rejoicers.
Neville-Smith was one of those who celebrated too soon.
“I say,” he chuckled, overtaking Wyatt in the cloisters, “this is all right, isn’t it! He’s funked it. I thought he would. Finds the job too big to tackle.”
“I say,” he chuckled, overtaking Wyatt in the cloisters, “this is all right, isn’t it! He’s backed out. I thought he would. He thinks the job is too big to handle.”
Wyatt was damping.
Wyatt was soaking wet.
“My dear chap,” he said, “it’s not over yet by a long chalk. It hasn’t started yet.”
“My dear friend,” he said, “it’s definitely not over yet. It hasn’t even begun.”
“What do you mean? Why didn’t he say anything about it in Hall, then?”
“What do you mean? Why didn't he mention it in Hall, then?”
“Why should he? Have you ever had tick at a shop?”
“Why should he? Have you ever had a tick at a shop?”
“Of course I have. What do you mean? Why?”
"Of course I have. What do you mean? Why?"
“Well, they didn’t send in the bill right away. But it came all right.”
“Well, they didn’t send in the bill right away. But it arrived just fine.”
“Do you think he’s going to do something, then?”
“Do you think he’s going to do something, then?”
“Rather. You wait.”
"Sure. You wait."
Wyatt was right.
Wyatt was right.
Between ten and eleven on Wednesdays and Saturdays old Bates, the school sergeant, used to copy out the names of those who were in extra lesson, and post them outside the school shop. The school inspected the list during the quarter to eleven interval.
Between ten and eleven on Wednesdays and Saturdays, old Bates, the school sergeant, would write down the names of those who were in extra lessons and post them outside the school shop. The school would check the list during the break at a quarter to eleven.
To-day, rushing to the shop for its midday bun, the school was aware of a vast sheet of paper where usually there was but a small one. They surged round it. Buns were forgotten. What was it?
To-day, rushing to the shop for its midday bun, the school noticed a large sheet of paper where there usually was just a small one. They gathered around it. Buns were forgotten. What was it?
Then the meaning of the notice flashed upon them. The headmaster had acted. This bloated document was the extra lesson list, swollen with names as a stream swells with rain. It was a comprehensive document. It left out little.
Then the meaning of the notice hit them. The headmaster had taken action. This lengthy document was the extra lesson list, filled with names just like a stream overflows with rain. It was a thorough document. It missed very little.
“The following boys will go in to extra lesson this afternoon and next Wednesday,” it began. And “the following boys” numbered four hundred.
“The following boys will attend extra lessons this afternoon and next Wednesday,” it began. And “the following boys” numbered four hundred.
“Bates must have got writer’s cramp,” said Clowes, as he read the huge scroll.
“Bates must have gotten writer's cramp,” said Clowes, as he read the large scroll.
Wyatt met Mike after school, as they went back to the house.
Wyatt met Mike after school as they walked back to the house.
“Seen the ‘extra’ list?” he remarked. “None of the kids are in it, I notice. Only the bigger fellows. Rather a good thing. I’m glad you got off.”
“Have you seen the ‘extra’ list?” he said. “I see none of the kids are on it, just the older guys. That’s actually a good thing. I’m happy you got a break.”
“Thanks,” said Mike, who was walking a little stiffly. “I don’t know what you call getting off. It seems to me you’re the chaps who got off.”
“Thanks,” said Mike, who was walking a bit stiffly. “I don’t know what you call it when someone gets off. It seems to me you’re the guys who got off.”
“How do you mean?”
"What do you mean?"
“We got tanned,” said Mike ruefully.
“We got sunburned,” Mike said with a sigh.
“What!”
“What?!”
“Yes. Everybody below the Upper Fourth.”
“Yes. Everyone below the Upper Fourth.”
Wyatt roared with laughter.
Wyatt burst out laughing.
“By Gad,” he said, “he is an old sportsman. I never saw such a man. He lowers all records.”
“Wow,” he said, “he's a seasoned pro. I've never seen anyone like him. He breaks all the records.”
“Glad you think it funny. You wouldn’t have if you’d been me. I was one of the first to get it. He was quite fresh.”
“Glad you find it funny. You wouldn’t if you were in my shoes. I was one of the first to get it. He was pretty new.”
“Sting?”
"Sting?"
“Should think it did.”
"Should think it did."
“Well, buck up. Don’t break down.”
“Well, cheer up. Don’t give in.”
“I’m not breaking down,” said Mike indignantly.
“I’m not breaking down,” Mike said indignantly.
“All right, I thought you weren’t. Anyhow, you’re better off than I am.”
“All right, I thought you weren’t. Anyway, you’re better off than I am.”
“An extra’s nothing much,” said Mike.
“An extra isn’t a big deal,” Mike said.
“It is when it happens to come on the same day as the M.C.C. match.”
“It happens to be on the same day as the M.C.C. match.”
“Oh, by Jove! I forgot. That’s next Wednesday, isn’t it? You won’t be able to play!”
“Oh, wow! I forgot. That’s next Wednesday, right? You won’t be able to play!”
“No.”
“No.”
“I say, what rot!”
“Seriously, what nonsense!”
“It is, rather. Still, nobody can say I didn’t ask for it. If one goes out of one’s way to beg and beseech the Old Man to put one in extra, it would be a little rough on him to curse him when he does it.”
“It is, really. Still, nobody can say I didn’t ask for it. If someone goes out of their way to beg and plead with the Old Man to include them extra, it wouldn’t be fair to curse him when he does.”
“I should be awfully sick, if it were me.”
“I would feel really sick if it were me.”
“Well, it isn’t you, so you’re all right. You’ll probably get my place in the team.”
“Well, it’s not you, so you’re good. You’ll probably take my spot on the team.”
Mike smiled dutifully at what he supposed to be a humorous sally.
Mike smiled politely at what he thought was a funny remark.
“Or, rather, one of the places,” continued Wyatt, who seemed to be sufficiently in earnest. “They’ll put a bowler in instead of me. Probably Druce. But there’ll be several vacancies. Let’s see. Me. Adams. Ashe. Any more? No, that’s the lot. I should think they’d give you a chance.”
“Or, actually, one of the spots,” continued Wyatt, who seemed to be quite serious. “They’ll put a bowler in for me. Probably Druce. But there will be several openings. Let’s see. Me. Adams. Ashe. Anyone else? No, that’s everyone. I would think they’d give you a shot.”
“You needn’t rot,” said Mike uncomfortably. He had his day-dreams, like everybody else, and they always took the form of playing for the first eleven (and, incidentally, making a century in record time). To have to listen while the subject was talked about lightly made him hot and prickly all over.
“You don’t have to waste away,” Mike said awkwardly. He had his daydreams, just like everyone else, and they always involved playing for the first team (and, by the way, scoring a century in record time). Having to listen to the topic being discussed casually made him feel hot and uncomfortable all over.
“I’m not rotting,” said Wyatt seriously, “I’ll suggest it to Burgess to-night.”
“I’m not rotting,” Wyatt said seriously, “I’ll bring it up with Burgess tonight.”
“You don’t think there’s any chance of it, really, do you?” said Mike awkwardly.
“You don’t really think there’s any chance of that, do you?” Mike said awkwardly.
“I don’t see why not? Buck up in the scratch game this afternoon. Fielding especially. Burgess is simply mad on fielding. I don’t blame him either, especially as he’s a bowler himself. He’d shove a man into the team like a shot, whatever his batting was like, if his fielding was something extra special. So you field like a demon this afternoon, and I’ll carry on the good work in the evening.”
“I don’t see why not? Get ready for the practice game this afternoon. Fielding is key, especially since Burgess is really into it. I can’t blame him, especially since he’s a bowler himself. He would definitely bring someone onto the team in a heartbeat, no matter how they batted, if their fielding was outstanding. So you better field like crazy this afternoon, and I’ll keep up the good work in the evening.”
“I say,” said Mike, overcome, “it’s awfully decent of you, Wyatt.”
“I gotta say,” Mike admitted, feeling overwhelmed, “it’s really generous of you, Wyatt.”
Billy Burgess, captain of Wrykyn cricket, was a genial giant, who seldom allowed himself to be ruffled. The present was one of the rare occasions on which he permitted himself that luxury. Wyatt found him in his study, shortly before lock-up, full of strange oaths, like the soldier in Shakespeare.
Billy Burgess, the captain of Wrykyn cricket, was a friendly giant who rarely let himself get worked up. This was one of the few times he allowed himself that luxury. Wyatt found him in his study, just before closing time, filled with odd curses, like the soldier in Shakespeare.
“You rotter! You rotter! You worm!” he observed crisply, as Wyatt appeared.
“You scoundrel! You scoundrel! You worm!” he commented sharply, as Wyatt showed up.
“Dear old Billy!” said Wyatt. “Come on, give me a kiss, and let’s be friends.”
“Hey, old Billy!” said Wyatt. “Come on, give me a kiss, and let’s be friends.”
“You——!”
"You—!"
“William! William!”
“Will! Will!”
“If it wasn’t illegal, I’d like to tie you and Ashe and that blackguard Adams up in a big sack, and drop you into the river. And I’d jump on the sack first. What do you mean by letting the team down like this? I know you were at the bottom of it all.”
“If it wasn’t illegal, I’d like to tie you and Ashe and that jerk Adams up in a big sack and drop you into the river. And I’d jump on the sack first. What do you mean by letting the team down like this? I know you were behind it all.”
He struggled into his shirt—he was changing after a bath—and his face popped wrathfully out at the other end.
He pulled on his shirt—he was getting dressed after a bath—and his face angrily emerged from the other end.
“I’m awfully sorry, Bill,” said Wyatt. “The fact is, in the excitement of the moment the M.C.C. match went clean out of my mind.”
“I’m really sorry, Bill,” said Wyatt. “Honestly, in all the excitement, I completely forgot about the M.C.C. match.”
“You haven’t got a mind,” grumbled Burgess. “You’ve got a cheap brown paper substitute. That’s your trouble.”
“You don’t have a brain,” Burgess complained. “You’ve got a cheap brown paper version instead. That’s your problem.”
Wyatt turned the conversation tactfully.
Wyatt skillfully changed the topic.
“How many wickets did you get to-day?” he asked.
“How many wickets did you take today?” he asked.
“Eight. For a hundred and three. I was on the spot. Young Jackson caught a hot one off me at third man. That kid’s good.”
“Eight. For a hundred and three. I was right there. Young Jackson caught a sharp line drive from me at third man. That kid’s talented.”
“Why don’t you play him against the M.C.C. on Wednesday?” said Wyatt, jumping at his opportunity.
“Why don’t you have him play against the M.C.C. on Wednesday?” said Wyatt, seizing his chance.
“What? Are you sitting on my left shoe?”
“What? Are you sitting on my left shoe?”
“No. There it is in the corner.”
“No. It's right there in the corner.”
“Right ho!... What were you saying?”
"Alright!... What were you saying?"
“Why not play young Jackson for the first?”
“Why not let young Jackson play first?”
“Too small.”
“Too tiny.”
“Rot. What does size matter? Cricket isn’t footer. Besides, he isn’t small. He’s as tall as I am.”
“Rot. What does size matter? Cricket isn’t football. Besides, he isn’t small. He’s as tall as I am.”
“I suppose he is. Dash, I’ve dropped my stud.”
“I guess he is. Dash, I’ve dropped my earring.”
Wyatt waited patiently till he had retrieved it. Then he returned to the attack.
Wyatt waited patiently until he got it back. Then he went back to the attack.
“He’s as good a bat as his brother, and a better field.”
"He's just as good a batter as his brother, and a better fielder."
“Old Bob can’t field for toffee. I will say that for him. Dropped a sitter off me to-day. Why the deuce fellows can’t hold catches when they drop slowly into their mouths I’m hanged if I can see.”
“Old Bob can’t catch for nothing. I’ll give him that. He dropped an easy catch off me today. I can’t understand why guys can’t hold onto catches when they’re just dropping right into their hands.”
“You play him,” said Wyatt. “Just give him a trial. That kid’s a genius at cricket. He’s going to be better than any of his brothers, even Joe. Give him a shot.”
“You play him,” said Wyatt. “Just give him a try. That kid’s a genius at cricket. He’s going to be better than any of his brothers, even Joe. Give him a chance.”
Burgess hesitated.
Burgess paused.
“You know, it’s a bit risky,” he said. “With you three lunatics out of the team we can’t afford to try many experiments. Better stick to the men at the top of the second.”
“You know, it’s a little risky,” he said. “With you three crazy people out of the team, we can’t afford to try too many experiments. It’s better to stick with the top guys in the second.”
Wyatt got up, and kicked the wall as a vent for his feelings.
Wyatt stood up and kicked the wall to express his frustration.
“You rotter,” he said. “Can’t you see when you’ve got a good man? Here’s this kid waiting for you ready made with a style like Trumper’s, and you rave about top men in the second, chaps who play forward at everything, and pat half-volleys back to the bowler! Do you realise that your only chance of being known to Posterity is as the man who gave M. Jackson his colours at Wrykyn? In a few years he’ll be playing for England, and you’ll think it a favour if he nods to you in the pav. at Lord’s. When you’re a white-haired old man you’ll go doddering about, gassing to your grandchildren, poor kids, how you ‘discovered’ M. Jackson. It’ll be the only thing they’ll respect you for.”
“You fool,” he said. “Can’t you see when you’ve got a great player? Here’s this kid who’s ready to go with a style like Trumper’s, and you’re going on about those top players in the second team, guys who play safe all the time and just send half-volleys back to the bowler! Do you realize that your only shot at being remembered is as the guy who gave M. Jackson his colors at Wrykyn? In a few years, he’ll be playing for England, and you’ll consider it a big deal if he recognizes you in the pavilion at Lord’s. When you’re an old man with white hair, you’ll be wandering around, bragging to your grandkids, poor things, about how you ‘discovered’ M. Jackson. That’ll be the only thing they’ll actually respect you for.”
Wyatt stopped for breath.
Wyatt paused to catch his breath.
“All right,” said Burgess, “I’ll think it over. Frightful gift of the gab you’ve got, Wyatt.”
“All right,” said Burgess, “I’ll think it over. You’ve got an amazing way with words, Wyatt.”
“Good,” said Wyatt. “Think it over. And don’t forget what I said about the grandchildren. You would like little Wyatt Burgess and the other little Burgesses to respect you in your old age, wouldn’t you? Very well, then. So long. The bell went ages ago. I shall be locked out.”
“Sounds good,” said Wyatt. “Think about it. And don’t forget what I mentioned about the grandkids. You’d want little Wyatt Burgess and the other little Burgesses to respect you when you’re older, right? Alright then. Take care. The bell rang a long time ago. I’ll be locked out.”
On the Monday morning Mike passed the notice-board just as Burgess turned away from pinning up the list of the team to play the M.C.C. He read it, and his heart missed a beat. For, bottom but one, just above the W. B. Burgess, was a name that leaped from the paper at him. His own name.
On Monday morning, Mike walked past the notice board just as Burgess turned away from putting up the list of the team to play the M.C.C. He read it, and his heart skipped a beat. Because, second to last, just above W. B. Burgess, was a name that jumped out at him. His own name.
CHAPTER XIII
THE M.C.C. MATCH
If the day happens to be fine, there is a curious, dream-like atmosphere about the opening stages of a first eleven match. Everything seems hushed and expectant. The rest of the school have gone in after the interval at eleven o’clock, and you are alone on the grounds with a cricket-bag. The only signs of life are a few pedestrians on the road beyond the railings and one or two blazer and flannel-clad forms in the pavilion. The sense of isolation is trying to the nerves, and a school team usually bats 25 per cent. better after lunch, when the strangeness has worn off.
If the weather is nice, there's a strange, dream-like vibe during the early stages of a first eleven match. Everything feels quiet and full of anticipation. The rest of the school has gone inside after the break at eleven o’clock, leaving you alone on the grounds with a cricket bag. The only signs of life are a few people walking along the road beyond the fence and a couple of students in blazers and flannels hanging out in the pavilion. The feeling of isolation can be nerve-wracking, and a school team typically performs about 25 percent better after lunch, once the weirdness has faded away.
Mike walked across from Wain’s, where he had changed, feeling quite hollow. He could almost have cried with pure fright. Bob had shouted after him from a window as he passed Donaldson’s, to wait, so that they could walk over together; but conversation was the last thing Mike desired at that moment.
Mike walked across from Wain’s, where he had changed, feeling pretty empty. He could almost cry from sheer fear. Bob had called after him from a window as he passed Donaldson’s, telling him to wait so they could walk over together; but talking was the last thing Mike wanted at that moment.
He had almost reached the pavilion when one of the M.C.C. team came down the steps, saw him, and stopped dead.
He had almost reached the pavilion when one of the M.C.C. team came down the steps, saw him, and froze.
“By Jove, Saunders!” cried Mike.
"By gosh, Saunders!" cried Mike.
“Why, Master Mike!”
“Wow, Master Mike!”
The professional beamed, and quite suddenly, the lost, hopeless feeling left Mike. He felt as cheerful as if he and Saunders had met in the meadow at home, and were just going to begin a little quiet net-practice.
The professional smiled, and all of a sudden, the lost, hopeless feeling disappeared for Mike. He felt as cheerful as if he and Saunders had met in the meadow at home and were about to start a little quiet net practice.
“Why, Master Mike, you don’t mean to say you’re playing for the school already?”
“Why, Master Mike, are you really saying you're playing for the school already?”
Mike nodded happily.
Mike nodded with joy.
“Isn’t it ripping,” he said.
“Isn’t it awesome,” he said.
Saunders slapped his leg in a sort of ecstasy.
Saunders slapped his thigh in a moment of pure joy.
“Didn’t I always say it, sir,” he chuckled. “Wasn’t I right? I used to say to myself it ’ud be a pretty good school team that ’ud leave you out.”
“Didn’t I always say that, sir,” he chuckled. “Wasn’t I right? I used to tell myself it would take a really good school team to leave you out.”
“Of course, I’m only playing as a sub., you know. Three chaps are in extra, and I got one of the places.”
“Of course, I’m just playing as a sub, you know. Three guys are in extra, and I got one of the spots.”
“Well, you’ll make a hundred to-day, Master Mike, and then they’ll have to put you in.”
“Well, you’re going to make a hundred today, Master Mike, and then they’ll have to bring you in.”
“Wish I could!”
"Hope I could!"
“Master Joe’s come down with the Club,” said Saunders.
“Master Joe’s come down with the Club,” said Saunders.
“Joe! Has he really? How ripping! Hullo, here he is. Hullo, Joe?”
“Joe! Has he really? That's awesome! Hey, here he is. Hi, Joe?”
The greatest of all the Jacksons was descending the pavilion steps with the gravity befitting an All England batsman. He stopped short, as Saunders had done.
The greatest of all the Jacksons was coming down the pavilion steps with the seriousness fitting an All England batsman. He paused, just like Saunders had.
“Mike! You aren’t playing!”
“Mike! You’re not playing!”
“Yes.”
"Sure."
“Well, I’m hanged! Young marvel, isn’t he, Saunders?”
“Well, I’m shocked! What a young marvel, isn’t he, Saunders?”
“He is, sir,” said Saunders. “Got all the strokes. I always said it, Master Joe. Only wants the strength.”
“He is, sir,” said Saunders. “He has all the skills. I always said it, Master Joe. He just needs the strength.”
Joe took Mike by the shoulder, and walked him off in the direction of a man in a Zingari blazer who was bowling slows to another of the M.C.C. team. Mike recognised him with awe as one of the three best amateur wicket-keepers in the country.
Joe put his hand on Mike's shoulder and led him towards a guy in a Zingari blazer who was bowling slow deliveries to another player from the M.C.C. Mike recognized him with admiration as one of the top three amateur wicket-keepers in the country.
“What do you think of this?” said Joe, exhibiting Mike, who grinned bashfully. “Aged ten last birthday, and playing for the school. You are only ten, aren’t you, Mike?”
“What do you think of this?” said Joe, showing off Mike, who smiled shyly. “He turned ten last birthday and is playing for the school. You’re only ten, right, Mike?”
“Brother of yours?” asked the wicket-keeper.
“Is he your brother?” asked the wicket-keeper.
“Probably too proud to own the relationship, but he is.”
“Probably too proud to admit the relationship, but he is.”
“Isn’t there any end to you Jacksons?” demanded the wicket-keeper in an aggrieved tone. “I never saw such a family.”
“Is there no end to you Jacksons?” the wicket-keeper asked in an annoyed tone. “I've never seen such a family.”
“This is our star. You wait till he gets at us to-day. Saunders is our only bowler, and Mike’s been brought up on Saunders. You’d better win the toss if you want a chance of getting a knock and lifting your average out of the minuses.”
“This is our star. Just wait until he faces us today. Saunders is our only bowler, and Mike has trained under Saunders. You’d better win the toss if you want a shot at batting and improving your average out of the negatives.”
“I have won the toss,” said the other with dignity. “Do you think I don’t know the elementary duties of a captain?”
“I won the toss,” said the other with dignity. “Do you think I don’t know the basic responsibilities of a captain?”
The school went out to field with mixed feelings. The wicket was hard and true, which would have made it pleasant to be going in first. On the other hand, they would feel decidedly better and fitter for centuries after the game had been in progress an hour or so. Burgess was glad as a private individual, sorry as a captain. For himself, the sooner he got hold of the ball and began to bowl the better he liked it. As a captain, he realised that a side with Joe Jackson on it, not to mention the other first-class men, was not a side to which he would have preferred to give away an advantage. Mike was feeling that by no possibility could he hold the simplest catch, and hoping that nothing would come his way. Bob, conscious of being an uncertain field, was feeling just the same.
The school went out to the field with mixed emotions. The pitch was hard and true, which would have made it nice to bat first. However, they would definitely feel better and more energized after the game had been going for an hour or so. Burgess was happy as an individual, but disappointed as a captain. For him, the sooner he got the ball and started bowling, the better. As a captain, he knew that a team with Joe Jackson on it, not to mention the other top players, was not a team he wanted to give any advantage to. Mike felt that there was no way he could hold onto the simplest catch and hoped nothing would come his way. Bob, aware of being an unreliable fielder, felt exactly the same.
The M.C.C. opened with Joe and a man in an Oxford Authentic cap. The beginning of the game was quiet. Burgess’s yorker was nearly too much for the latter in the first over, but he contrived to chop it away, and the pair gradually settled down. At twenty, Joe began to open his shoulders. Twenty became forty with disturbing swiftness, and Burgess tried a change of bowling.
The M.C.C. started with Joe and a guy wearing an Oxford Authentic cap. The game began quietly. Burgess’s yorker almost got the best of him in the first over, but he managed to chop it away, and the two of them gradually found their rhythm. At twenty runs, Joe started to loosen up. Twenty quickly turned into forty, which prompted Burgess to switch up his bowling.
It seemed for one instant as if the move had been a success, for Joe, still taking risks, tried to late-cut a rising ball, and snicked it straight into Bob’s hands at second slip. It was the easiest of slip-catches, but Bob fumbled it, dropped it, almost held it a second time, and finally let it fall miserably to the ground. It was a moment too painful for words. He rolled the ball back to the bowler in silence.
It felt for a moment like the move had worked, because Joe, still taking chances, tried to cut a rising ball late and hit it right into Bob’s hands at second slip. It should have been the easiest catch, but Bob fumbled it, dropped it, almost caught it again, and then let it fall painfully to the ground. It was a moment too painful to put into words. He silently rolled the ball back to the bowler.
One of those weary periods followed when the batsman’s defence seems to the fieldsmen absolutely impregnable. There was a sickening inevitableness in the way in which every ball was played with the very centre of the bat. And, as usual, just when things seemed most hopeless, relief came. The Authentic, getting in front of his wicket, to pull one of the simplest long-hops ever seen on a cricket field, missed it, and was l.b.w. And the next ball upset the newcomer’s leg stump.
One of those tiring times came when the batsman's defense appeared completely unbreakable to the fielders. It was frustrating to watch as every ball was played perfectly with the sweet spot of the bat. And, as it often happens, just when things looked most desperate, relief arrived. The Authentic, stepping in front of his wicket to hit one of the easiest long-hops ever seen on a cricket field, completely missed it and got out lbw. The next ball knocked over the newcomer’s leg stump.
The school revived. Bowlers and field were infused with a new life. Another wicket—two stumps knocked out of the ground by Burgess—helped the thing on. When the bell rang for the end of morning school, five wickets were down for a hundred and thirteen.
The school came back to life. The bowlers and the field were energized. Another wicket—two stumps knocked out of the ground by Burgess—pushed things along. When the bell rang to signal the end of morning classes, five wickets were down for a hundred and thirteen.
But from the end of school till lunch things went very wrong indeed. Joe was still in at one end, invincible; and at the other was the great wicket-keeper. And the pair of them suddenly began to force the pace till the bowling was in a tangled knot. Four after four, all round the wicket, with never a chance or a mishit to vary the monotony. Two hundred went up, and two hundred and fifty. Then Joe reached his century, and was stumped next ball. Then came lunch.
But from the end of school until lunch, everything went really wrong. Joe was still at one end, unstoppable; and at the other was the great wicket-keeper. Suddenly, the two of them started to hit harder and harder until the bowling was all messed up. They scored four after four all around the wicket, with never a chance or a mistake to break the monotony. Two hundred points went up, then two hundred and fifty. Then Joe reached his hundred and got stumped on the next ball. Then came lunch.
The rest of the innings was like the gentle rain after the thunderstorm. Runs came with fair regularity, but wickets fell at intervals, and when the wicket-keeper was run out at length for a lively sixty-three, the end was very near. Saunders, coming in last, hit two boundaries, and was then caught by Mike. His second hit had just lifted the M.C.C. total over the three hundred.
The rest of the innings felt like a soft rain after a storm. Runs came in pretty regularly, but wickets kept falling at intervals, and when the wicket-keeper finally got run out for a solid sixty-three, the end was close. Saunders, batting last, hit two boundaries before getting caught by Mike. His second hit had just pushed the M.C.C. total over three hundred.
Three hundred is a score that takes some making on any ground, but on a fine day it was not an unusual total for the Wrykyn eleven. Some years before, against Ripton, they had run up four hundred and sixteen; and only last season had massacred a very weak team of Old Wrykynians with a score that only just missed the fourth hundred.
Three hundred is a score that requires effort on any field, but on a nice day, it wasn't an unusual total for the Wrykyn team. A few years back, they scored four hundred and sixteen against Ripton, and just last season, they crushed a really weak team of Old Wrykynians with a score that barely missed hitting four hundred.
Unfortunately, on the present occasion, there was scarcely time, unless the bowling happened to get completely collared, to make the runs. It was a quarter to four when the innings began, and stumps were to be drawn at a quarter to seven. A hundred an hour is quick work.
Unfortunately, at this time, there was hardly any chance, unless the bowling got completely shut down, to make the runs. It was 3:45 when the innings started, and play was supposed to end at 6:45. A hundred runs an hour is fast work.
Burgess, however, was optimistic, as usual. “Better have a go for them,” he said to Berridge and Marsh, the school first pair.
Burgess, however, was optimistic, as always. “Better give it a shot for them,” he said to Berridge and Marsh, the school’s top two.
Following out this courageous advice, Berridge, after hitting three boundaries in his first two overs, was stumped half-way through the third.
Following this brave advice, Berridge, after hitting three boundaries in his first two overs, was stumped halfway through the third.
After this, things settled down. Morris, the first-wicket man, was a thoroughly sound bat, a little on the slow side, but exceedingly hard to shift. He and Marsh proceeded to play themselves in, until it looked as if they were likely to stay till the drawing of stumps.
After this, things calmed down. Morris, the opening batsman, was a solid player, a bit slow, but really hard to get out. He and Marsh started to settle in, and it seemed like they were going to stick around until the end of the day.
A comfortable, rather somnolent feeling settled upon the school. A long stand at cricket is a soothing sight to watch. There was an absence of hurry about the batsmen which harmonised well with the drowsy summer afternoon. And yet runs were coming at a fair pace. The hundred went up at five o’clock, the hundred and fifty at half-past. Both batsmen were completely at home, and the M.C.C. third-change bowlers had been put on.
A relaxed, somewhat sleepy vibe settled over the school. Watching a long cricket match is a calming sight. The batsmen moved without any rush, which matched the lazy summer afternoon perfectly. Still, runs were coming in nicely. The score hit a hundred at five o’clock and a hundred and fifty by half-past. Both batsmen were completely comfortable, and the M.C.C. third-change bowlers had been brought in.
Then the great wicket-keeper took off the pads and gloves, and the fieldsmen retired to posts at the extreme edge of the ground.
Then the great wicket-keeper took off the pads and gloves, and the fielders moved to their positions at the far edge of the field.
“Lobs,” said Burgess. “By Jove, I wish I was in.”
“Lobs,” said Burgess. “Wow, I wish I was in.”
It seemed to be the general opinion among the members of the Wrykyn eleven on the pavilion balcony that Morris and Marsh were in luck. The team did not grudge them their good fortune, because they had earned it; but they were distinctly envious.
It was pretty much the consensus among the members of the Wrykyn eleven on the pavilion balcony that Morris and Marsh were lucky. The team didn't resent their good fortune because they'd worked for it; but they were definitely envious.
Lobs are the most dangerous, insinuating things in the world. Everybody knows in theory the right way to treat them. Everybody knows that the man who is content not to try to score more than a single cannot get out to them. Yet nearly everybody does get out to them.
Lobs are the most dangerous, sneaky things in the world. Everyone knows the right way to handle them. Everyone knows that a guy who is okay with just making a single won’t be out to them. Yet almost everyone still gets out to them.
It was the same story to-day. The first over yielded six runs, all through gentle taps along the ground. In the second, Marsh hit an over-pitched one along the ground to the terrace bank. The next ball he swept round to the leg boundary. And that was the end of Marsh. He saw himself scoring at the rate of twenty-four an over. Off the last ball he was stumped by several feet, having done himself credit by scoring seventy.
It was the same story today. The first over brought in six runs, all from soft taps along the ground. In the second over, Marsh hit a high pitch along the ground to the terrace bank. The next ball he swept to the leg boundary. And that was the end of Marsh. He envisioned himself scoring at a rate of twenty-four runs per over. Off the last ball, he was stumped by several feet, having done well by scoring seventy.
The long stand was followed, as usual, by a series of disasters. Marsh’s wicket had fallen at a hundred and eighty. Ellerby left at a hundred and eighty-six. By the time the scoring-board registered two hundred, five wickets were down, three of them victims to the lobs. Morris was still in at one end. He had refused to be tempted. He was jogging on steadily to his century.
The long stand was followed, as usual, by a series of disasters. Marsh’s wicket had fallen at one hundred and eighty. Ellerby was out at one hundred and eighty-six. By the time the scoreboard showed two hundred, five wickets were down, three of them taken out by the lobs. Morris was still at one end. He had refused to give in to temptation. He was steadily moving toward his century.
Bob Jackson went in next, with instructions to keep his eye on the lob-man.
Bob Jackson went in next, with instructions to keep an eye on the lob guy.
For a time things went well. Saunders, who had gone on to bowl again after a rest, seemed to give Morris no trouble, and Bob put him through the slips with apparent ease. Twenty runs were added, when the lob-bowler once more got in his deadly work. Bob, letting alone a ball wide of the off-stump under the impression that it was going to break away, was disagreeably surprised to find it break in instead, and hit the wicket. The bowler smiled sadly, as if he hated to have to do these things.
For a while, things were going smoothly. Saunders, who had resumed bowling after a rest, didn't seem to trouble Morris at all, and Bob easily sent him through the slips. They added twenty runs when the lob-bowler struck again with his lethal skills. Bob, thinking a ball wide of the off-stump would break away, was unpleasantly surprised to see it break in and hit the wicket. The bowler smiled sadly, as if he disliked having to do this.
Mike’s heart jumped as he saw the bails go. It was his turn next.
Mike’s heart raced as he saw the bails fall. It was his turn next.
“Two hundred and twenty-nine,” said Burgess, “and it’s ten past six. No good trying for the runs now. Stick in,” he added to Mike. “That’s all you’ve got to do.”
“Two hundred and twenty-nine,” said Burgess, “and it’s ten past six. It’s no use going for the runs now. Just hold steady,” he told Mike. “That’s all you need to do.”
All!... Mike felt as if he was being strangled. His heart was racing like the engines of a motor. He knew his teeth were chattering. He wished he could stop them. What a time Bob was taking to get back to the pavilion! He wanted to rush out, and get the thing over.
All!... Mike felt like he was being choked. His heart was racing like a revving engine. He knew his teeth were chattering. He wished he could stop them. Why was Bob taking so long to get back to the pavilion? He wanted to rush out and just get it over with.
At last he arrived, and Mike, fumbling at a glove, tottered out into the sunshine. He heard miles and miles away a sound of clapping, and a thin, shrill noise as if somebody were screaming in the distance. As a matter of fact, several members of his form and of the junior day-room at Wain’s nearly burst themselves at that moment.
At last he arrived, and Mike, struggling with a glove, stumbled out into the sunshine. He heard, far off, the sound of clapping and a high-pitched noise that sounded like someone screaming in the distance. In fact, several members of his class and the junior day-room at Wain's were nearly bursting with laughter at that moment.
At the wickets, he felt better. Bob had fallen to the last ball of the over, and Morris, standing ready for Saunders’s delivery, looked so calm and certain of himself that it was impossible to feel entirely without hope and self-confidence. Mike knew that Morris had made ninety-eight, and he supposed that Morris knew that he was very near his century; yet he seemed to be absolutely undisturbed. Mike drew courage from his attitude.
At the wickets, he felt more at ease. Bob had been out on the last ball of the over, and Morris, prepared for Saunders’s delivery, looked so calm and sure of himself that it was hard to feel completely hopeless or lacking in self-confidence. Mike was aware that Morris had scored ninety-eight, and he figured that Morris knew he was close to reaching his century; yet, he seemed completely unfazed. Mike found strength in his demeanor.
Morris pushed the first ball away to leg. Mike would have liked to have run two, but short leg had retrieved the ball as he reached the crease.
Morris pushed the first ball away to the leg side. Mike would have liked to run for two, but short leg had grabbed the ball just as he got to the crease.
The moment had come, the moment which he had experienced only in dreams. And in the dreams he was always full of confidence, and invariably hit a boundary. Sometimes a drive, sometimes a cut, but always a boundary.
The moment had arrived, the moment he had only felt in dreams. In those dreams, he was always brimming with confidence and always scored a boundary. Sometimes it was a drive, sometimes a cut, but it was always a boundary.
“To leg, sir,” said the umpire.
“To leg, sir,” said the umpire.
“Don’t be in a funk,” said a voice. “Play straight, and you can’t get out.”
“Don’t be down,” said a voice. “Play it straight, and you won’t be able to get out.”
It was Joe, who had taken the gloves when the wicket-keeper went on to bowl.
It was Joe who took the gloves when the wicket-keeper went to bowl.
Mike grinned, wryly but gratefully.
Mike smiled, sarcastic but thankful.
Saunders was beginning his run. It was all so home-like that for a moment Mike felt himself again. How often he had seen those two little skips and the jump. It was like being in the paddock again, with Marjory and the dogs waiting by the railings to fetch the ball if he made a drive.
Saunders was starting his run. It felt so familiar that for a moment, Mike felt like himself again. How often had he watched those two little skips and the jump? It was like being back in the paddock, with Marjory and the dogs waiting by the fence to fetch the ball if he hit a drive.
Saunders ran to the crease, and bowled.
Saunders rushed to the crease and bowled.
Now, Saunders was a conscientious man, and, doubtless, bowled the very best ball that he possibly could. On the other hand, it was Mike’s first appearance for the school, and Saunders, besides being conscientious, was undoubtedly kind-hearted. It is useless to speculate as to whether he was trying to bowl his best that ball. If so, he failed signally. It was a half-volley, just the right distance away from the off-stump; the sort of ball Mike was wont to send nearly through the net at home....
Now, Saunders was a diligent guy who certainly bowled the best ball he could. On the flip side, it was Mike’s first time playing for the school, and Saunders, besides being diligent, was definitely kind-hearted. There’s no point in guessing whether he was trying to bowl his best that time. If he was, he totally missed the mark. It was a half-volley, perfectly positioned just the right distance from the off-stump; the kind of ball Mike usually sent nearly through the net at home....
The next moment the dreams had come true. The umpire was signalling to the scoring-box, the school was shouting, extra-cover was trotting to the boundary to fetch the ball, and Mike was blushing and wondering whether it was bad form to grin.
The next moment the dreams had come true. The umpire was signaling to the scoring box, the school was cheering, the extra cover was jogging to the boundary to collect the ball, and Mike was blushing and wondering if it was inappropriate to smile.
From that ball onwards all was for the best in this best of all possible worlds. Saunders bowled no more half-volleys; but Mike played everything that he did bowl. He met the lobs with a bat like a barn-door. Even the departure of Morris, caught in the slips off Saunders’s next over for a chanceless hundred and five, did not disturb him. All nervousness had left him. He felt equal to the situation. Burgess came in, and began to hit out as if he meant to knock off the runs. The bowling became a shade loose. Twice he was given full tosses to leg, which he hit to the terrace bank. Half-past six chimed, and two hundred and fifty went up on the telegraph board. Burgess continued to hit. Mike’s whole soul was concentrated on keeping up his wicket. There was only Reeves to follow him, and Reeves was a victim to the first straight ball. Burgess had to hit because it was the only game he knew; but he himself must simply stay in.
From that ball on, everything was going great in this best of all possible worlds. Saunders stopped bowling half-volleys, but Mike played everything he sent his way. He met the lobs with a bat like a barn door. Even when Morris was caught in the slips off Saunders's next over for a flawless hundred and five, it didn’t shake him. All his nerves had vanished. He felt ready for the challenge. Burgess came in and started hitting as if he wanted to score quickly. The bowling got a bit loose. Twice he was bowled full tosses to leg, which he sent to the terrace bank. Half-past six rang out, and two hundred and fifty showed up on the telegraph board. Burgess kept hitting. Mike focused entirely on staying at the crease. There was only Reeves left to follow him, and Reeves fell victim to the very first straight ball. Burgess needed to hit because that was the only way he knew how to play; but Mike simply had to stick around.
The hands of the clock seemed to have stopped. Then suddenly he heard the umpire say “Last over,” and he settled down to keep those six balls out of his wicket.
The hands of the clock looked like they had stopped. Then suddenly he heard the umpire say “Last over,” and he got ready to defend his wicket against those six balls.
The lob bowler had taken himself off, and the Oxford Authentic had gone on, fast left-hand.
The lob bowler had stepped aside, and the Oxford Authentic had come on, a quick left-hander.
The first ball was short and wide of the off-stump. Mike let it alone. Number two: yorker. Got him! Three: straight half-volley. Mike played it back to the bowler. Four: beat him, and missed the wicket by an inch. Five: another yorker. Down on it again in the old familiar way.
The first ball was short and wide of the off-stump. Mike left it alone. Number two: yorker. Got him! Three: straight half-volley. Mike hit it back to the bowler. Four: it beat him and missed the wicket by an inch. Five: another yorker. He got down on it again in the old familiar way.
All was well. The match was a draw now whatever happened to him. He hit out, almost at a venture, at the last ball, and mid-off, jumping, just failed to reach it. It hummed over his head, and ran like a streak along the turf and up the bank, and a great howl of delight went up from the school as the umpire took off the bails.
All was good. The game ended in a draw, no matter what happened to him. He swung at the last ball almost randomly, and the fielder at mid-off jumped but just missed it. The ball zipped over his head, streaking along the grass and up the bank, and a loud cheer erupted from the school as the umpire removed the bails.
Mike walked away from the wickets with Joe and the wicket-keeper.
Mike walked away from the stumps with Joe and the keeper.
“I’m sorry about your nose, Joe,” said the wicket-keeper in tones of grave solicitude.
“I’m sorry about your nose, Joe,” the wicket-keeper said with a serious tone of concern.
“What’s wrong with it?”
"What's the issue with it?"
“At present,” said the wicket-keeper, “nothing. But in a few years I’m afraid it’s going to be put badly out of joint.”
“At the moment,” said the wicket-keeper, “nothing. But in a few years, I’m afraid things are going to go really wrong.”
CHAPTER XIV
A SLIGHT IMBROGLIO
Mike got his third eleven colours after the M.C.C. match. As he had made twenty-three not out in a crisis in a first eleven match, this may not seem an excessive reward. But it was all that he expected. One had to take the rungs of the ladder singly at Wrykyn. First one was given one’s third eleven cap. That meant, “You are a promising man, and we have our eye on you.” Then came the second colours. They might mean anything from “Well, here you are. You won’t get any higher, so you may as well have the thing now,” to “This is just to show that we still have our eye on you.”
Mike received his third eleven colors after the M.C.C. match. Although he scored twenty-three not out during a crucial moment in a first eleven match, this might not seem like a big reward. But it was exactly what he expected. At Wrykyn, you had to climb the ladder step by step. First, you received your third eleven cap. That signified, “You’re a promising player, and we’re watching you.” Then came the second colors. They could mean anything from “Well, here you are. You probably won’t move up any further, so you might as well take this now,” to “This is just a reminder that we’re still keeping an eye on you.”
Mike was a certainty now for the second. But it needed more than one performance to secure the first cap.
Mike was definitely going to get the second. But he needed more than just one good performance to earn the first cap.
“I told you so,” said Wyatt, naturally, to Burgess after the match.
“I told you so,” Wyatt said casually to Burgess after the match.
“He’s not bad,” said Burgess. “I’ll give him another shot.”
“He’s not bad,” said Burgess. “I’ll give him another chance.”
But Burgess, as has been pointed out, was not a person who ever became gushing with enthusiasm.
But Burgess, as has been noted, was not someone who ever got overly enthusiastic.
So Wilkins, of the School House, who had played twice for the first eleven, dropped down into the second, as many a good man had done before him, and Mike got his place in the next match, against the Gentlemen of the County. Unfortunately for him, the visiting team, however gentlemanly, were not brilliant cricketers, at any rate as far as bowling was concerned. The school won the toss, went in first, and made three hundred and sixteen for five wickets, Morris making another placid century. The innings was declared closed before Mike had a chance of distinguishing himself. In an innings which lasted for one over he made two runs, not out; and had to console himself for the cutting short of his performance by the fact that his average for the school was still infinity. Bob, who was one of those lucky enough to have an unabridged innings, did better in this match, making twenty-five. But with Morris making a hundred and seventeen, and Berridge, Ellerby, and Marsh all passing the half-century, this score did not show up excessively.
So Wilkins, from the School House, who had played twice for the first team, dropped down to the second, just like many good players had done before him, and Mike got his spot in the next match against the Gentlemen of the County. Unfortunately for him, the visiting team, while gentlemanly, weren't great cricketers, especially when it came to bowling. The school won the toss, batted first, and scored three hundred and sixteen for five wickets, with Morris making another calm century. The innings was declared over before Mike had a chance to shine. In an innings that lasted just one over, he scored two runs, not out; and had to comfort himself with the fact that his average for the school was still infinity. Bob, who was one of the lucky ones with a full innings, did better in this match, scoring twenty-five. But with Morris hitting one hundred and seventeen, and Berridge, Ellerby, and Marsh all getting past fifty, that score didn’t stand out much.
We now come to what was practically a turning-point in Mike’s career at Wrykyn. There is no doubt that his meteor-like flights at cricket had an unsettling effect on him. He was enjoying life amazingly, and, as is not uncommon with the prosperous, he waxed fat and kicked. Fortunately for him—though he did not look upon it in that light at the time—he kicked the one person it was most imprudent to kick. The person he selected was Firby-Smith. With anybody else the thing might have blown over, to the detriment of Mike’s character; but Firby-Smith, having the most tender affection for his dignity, made a fuss.
We now come to what was basically a turning point in Mike’s career at Wrykyn. There’s no doubt that his rapid success in cricket had an unsettling effect on him. He was having an amazing time, and, as is common with those who are doing well, he got cocky. Fortunately for him—though he didn’t see it that way at the time—he challenged the one person it was most unwise to challenge. The person he picked was Firby-Smith. With anyone else, it might have blown over, damaging Mike’s reputation; but Firby-Smith, who was very protective of his dignity, made a big deal out of it.
It happened in this way. The immediate cause of the disturbance was a remark of Mike’s, but the indirect cause was the unbearably patronising manner which the head of Wain’s chose to adopt towards him. The fact that he was playing for the school seemed to make no difference at all. Firby-Smith continued to address Mike merely as the small boy.
It happened like this. The direct cause of the disruption was a comment from Mike, but the indirect cause was the extremely condescending way the head of Wain’s decided to treat him. The fact that he was playing for the school didn’t seem to matter at all. Firby-Smith kept referring to Mike simply as the little boy.
The following, verbatim, was the tactful speech which he addressed to him on the evening of the M.C.C. match, having summoned him to his study for the purpose.
The following, verbatim, was the carefully worded speech he gave him on the evening of the M.C.C. match, after calling him to his study for that reason.
“Well,” he said, “you played a very decent innings this afternoon, and I suppose you’re frightfully pleased with yourself, eh? Well, mind you don’t go getting swelled head. See? That’s all. Run along.”
“Well,” he said, “you played a pretty good game this afternoon, and I guess you’re really pleased with yourself, huh? Just make sure you don’t get too full of yourself. Got it? That’s all. Go on.”
Mike departed, bursting with fury.
Mike left, fuming.
The next link in the chain was forged a week after the Gentlemen of the County match. House matches had begun, and Wain’s were playing Appleby’s. Appleby’s made a hundred and fifty odd, shaping badly for the most part against Wyatt’s slows. Then Wain’s opened their innings. The Gazeka, as head of the house, was captain of the side, and he and Wyatt went in first. Wyatt made a few mighty hits, and was then caught at cover. Mike went in first wicket.
The next link in the chain was created a week after the Gentlemen of the County match. House matches had started, and Wain’s were playing against Appleby’s. Appleby’s scored around one hundred and fifty, struggling for the most part against Wyatt’s slow balls. Then Wain’s began their turn to bat. The Gazeka, as head of the house, was the captain of the team, and he and Wyatt went in to bat first. Wyatt hit a few impressive shots but was then caught in the cover position. Mike came in as the first wicket.
For some ten minutes all was peace. Firby-Smith scratched away at his end, getting here and there a single and now and then a two, and Mike settled down at once to play what he felt was going to be the innings of a lifetime. Appleby’s bowling was on the feeble side, with Raikes, of the third eleven, as the star, supported by some small change. Mike pounded it vigorously. To one who had been brought up on Saunders, Raikes possessed few subtleties. He had made seventeen, and was thoroughly set, when the Gazeka, who had the bowling, hit one in the direction of cover-point. With a certain type of batsman a single is a thing to take big risks for. And the Gazeka badly wanted that single.
For about ten minutes, everything was calm. Firby-Smith kept scratching away at his end, occasionally scoring a single and sometimes a double, while Mike immediately settled in, ready to play what he thought would be the best innings of his life. Appleby’s bowling was pretty weak, with Raikes from the third eleven as the standout player, supported by a few others who weren’t much help. Mike hit it hard. Compared to Saunders, Raikes had little finesse. He had scored seventeen and was well-established when the Gazeka, who was bowling, hit one toward cover-point. For certain types of batsmen, taking a single involves taking big risks. And the Gazeka really wanted that single.
“Come on,” he shouted, prancing down the pitch.
“Come on,” he yelled, skipping down the field.
Mike, who had remained in his crease with the idea that nobody even moderately sane would attempt a run for a hit like that, moved forward in a startled and irresolute manner. Firby-Smith arrived, shouting “Run!” and, cover having thrown the ball in, the wicket-keeper removed the bails.
Mike, who had stayed in his spot thinking that no one even somewhat sane would try to run for a hit like that, moved forward in a shocked and uncertain way. Firby-Smith showed up, yelling “Run!” and, with the cover having thrown the ball in, the wicket-keeper took off the bails.
These are solemn moments.
These are serious moments.
The only possible way of smoothing over an episode of this kind is for the guilty man to grovel.
The only way to make things right after something like this is for the guilty person to beg for forgiveness.
Firby-Smith did not grovel.
Firby-Smith did not beg.
“Easy run there, you know,” he said reprovingly.
"That was an easy run, you know," he said disapprovingly.
The world swam before Mike’s eyes. Through the red mist he could see Firby-Smith’s face. The sun glinted on his rather prominent teeth. To Mike’s distorted vision it seemed that the criminal was amused.
The world swirled in front of Mike's eyes. Through the red haze, he could see Firby-Smith's face. The sun reflected off his rather prominent teeth. To Mike's blurred vision, it looked like the criminal was amused.
“Don’t laugh, you grinning ape!” he cried. “It isn’t funny.”
“Don’t laugh, you grinning ape!” he shouted. “It’s not funny.”
He then made for the trees where the rest of the team were sitting.
He then headed for the trees where the rest of the team were sitting.
Now Firby-Smith not only possessed rather prominent teeth; he was also sensitive on the subject. Mike’s shaft sank in deeply. The fact that emotion caused him to swipe at a straight half-volley, miss it, and be bowled next ball made the wound rankle.
Now Firby-Smith not only had rather prominent teeth; he was also sensitive about it. Mike’s shot sank in deeply. The fact that his emotions caused him to swing at a straight half-volley, miss it, and then get bowled the next ball made the hurt sting.
He avoided Mike on his return to the trees. And Mike, feeling now a little apprehensive, avoided him.
He steered clear of Mike on his way back to the trees. And Mike, now feeling a bit uneasy, avoided him as well.
The Gazeka brooded apart for the rest of the afternoon, chewing the insult. At close of play he sought Burgess.
The Gazeka sulked alone for the rest of the afternoon, stewing over the insult. At the end of the game, he went looking for Burgess.
Burgess, besides being captain of the eleven, was also head of the school. He was the man who arranged prefects’ meetings. And only a prefects’ meeting, thought Firby-Smith, could adequately avenge his lacerated dignity.
Burgess, besides being the captain of the team, was also the head of the school. He was the one who organized prefect meetings. And only a prefect meeting, thought Firby-Smith, could truly restore his wounded pride.
“I want to speak to you, Burgess,” he said.
“I want to talk to you, Burgess,” he said.
“What’s up?” said Burgess.
"What's up?" said Burgess.
“You know young Jackson in our house.”
“You know young Jackson at our place.”
“What about him?”
"What about him?"
“He’s been frightfully insolent.”
“He’s been incredibly rude.”
“Cheeked you?” said Burgess, a man of simple speech.
“Did you just say that?” said Burgess, a man of straightforward words.
“I want you to call a prefects’ meeting, and lick him.”
“I want you to call a meeting with the prefects and slap him.”
Burgess looked incredulous.
Burgess looked shocked.
“Rather a large order, a prefects’ meeting,” he said. “It has to be a pretty serious sort of thing for that.”
“That's quite a big deal, a meeting of the prefects,” he said. “It must be something pretty serious for that to happen.”
“Frightful cheek to a school prefect is a serious thing,” said Firby-Smith, with the air of one uttering an epigram.
“Disrespect towards a school prefect is a big deal,” said Firby-Smith, with the tone of someone delivering a witty remark.
“Well, I suppose—What did he say to you?”
“Well, I guess—What did he say to you?”
Firby-Smith related the painful details.
Firby-Smith shared the painful details.
Burgess started to laugh, but turned the laugh into a cough.
Burgess began to laugh but quickly changed it into a cough.
“Yes,” he said meditatively. “Rather thick. Still, I mean—A prefects’ meeting. Rather like crushing a thingummy with a what-d’you-call-it. Besides, he’s a decent kid.”
“Yes,” he said thoughtfully. “Pretty thick. Still, I mean—A prefects’ meeting. Kind of like crushing something with a thingamajig. Besides, he’s a good kid.”
“He’s frightfully conceited.”
“He’s extremely full of himself.”
“Oh, well—Well, anyhow, look here, I’ll think it over, and let you know to-morrow. It’s not the sort of thing to rush through without thinking about it.”
“Oh, well—Well, anyway, look, I’ll think about it and let you know tomorrow. It’s not something to rush into without considering it.”
And the matter was left temporarily at that.
And that’s where things were left for now.
CHAPTER XV
MIKE CREATES A VACANCY
Burgess walked off the ground feeling that fate was not using him well.
Burgess left the field feeling like fate wasn’t on his side.
Here was he, a well-meaning youth who wanted to be on good terms with all the world, being jockeyed into slaughtering a kid whose batting he admired and whom personally he liked. And the worst of it was that he sympathised with Mike. He knew what it felt like to be run out just when one had got set, and he knew exactly how maddening the Gazeka’s manner would be on such an occasion. On the other hand, officially he was bound to support the head of Wain’s. Prefects must stand together or chaos will come.
Here he was, a well-meaning young man who wanted to get along with everyone, being pushed into the position of having to take out a player he admired and personally liked. The worst part was that he felt for Mike. He understood the frustration of being out just when you finally found your rhythm, and he knew exactly how irritating the Gazeka’s attitude would be in that moment. On the flip side, he was officially obligated to back Wain’s leader. Prefects must stand united, or chaos will follow.
He thought he would talk it over with somebody. Bob occurred to him. It was only fair that Bob should be told, as the nearest of kin.
He thought he should discuss it with someone. Bob came to mind. It was only fair to let Bob know, being the closest relative.
And here was another grievance against fate. Bob was a person he did not particularly wish to see just then. For that morning he had posted up the list of the team to play for the school against Geddington, one of the four schools which Wrykyn met at cricket; and Bob’s name did not appear on that list. Several things had contributed to that melancholy omission. In the first place, Geddington, to judge from the weekly reports in the Sportsman and Field, were strong this year at batting. In the second place, the results of the last few matches, and particularly the M.C.C. match, had given Burgess the idea that Wrykyn was weak at bowling. It became necessary, therefore, to drop a batsman out of the team in favour of a bowler. And either Mike or Bob must be the man.
And here was another complaint about fate. Bob was someone he didn’t really want to see right now. That morning, he had posted the list of the team to play against Geddington, one of the four schools Wrykyn faced in cricket; and Bob’s name wasn’t on that list. Several things had led to that unfortunate omission. First, Geddington, judging by the weekly reports in the Sportsman and Field, was strong this year in batting. Second, the results of the last few matches, especially the M.C.C. match, had given Burgess the impression that Wrykyn was weak in bowling. Therefore, it became necessary to drop a batsman from the team in favor of a bowler. And either Mike or Bob had to be that person.
Burgess was as rigidly conscientious as the captain of a school eleven should be. Bob was one of his best friends, and he would have given much to be able to put him in the team; but he thought the thing over, and put the temptation sturdily behind him. At batting there was not much to choose between the two, but in fielding there was a great deal. Mike was good. Bob was bad. So out Bob had gone, and Neville-Smith, a fair fast bowler at all times and on his day dangerous, took his place.
Burgess was as strictly responsible as any school team captain should be. Bob was one of his best friends, and he really wished he could include him on the team; however, he thought it through and pushed that temptation aside firmly. When it came to batting, there wasn’t much difference between them, but fielding was another story. Mike was good. Bob was not. So out went Bob, and Neville-Smith, a decent fast bowler on any day and quite dangerous when he was on his game, took his spot.
These clashings of public duty with private inclination are the drawbacks to the despotic position of captain of cricket at a public school. It is awkward having to meet your best friend after you have dropped him from the team, and it is difficult to talk to him as if nothing had happened.
These conflicts between public duty and personal preference are the downsides of being the captain of cricket at a public school. It's uncomfortable having to face your best friend after you've removed him from the team, and it's tough to chat with him as if nothing happened.
Burgess felt very self-conscious as he entered Bob’s study, and was rather glad that he had a topic of conversation ready to hand.
Burgess felt really self-conscious as he walked into Bob’s study, and he was somewhat relieved that he had a topic to talk about already prepared.
“Busy, Bob?” he asked.
"Busy, Bob?" he asked.
“Hullo,” said Bob, with a cheerfulness rather over-done in his anxiety to show Burgess, the man, that he did not hold him responsible in any way for the distressing acts of Burgess, the captain. “Take a pew. Don’t these studies get beastly hot this weather. There’s some ginger-beer in the cupboard. Have some?”
“Hey,” said Bob, trying too hard to seem cheerful to show Burgess, the man, that he didn’t blame him at all for the upsetting actions of Burgess, the captain. “Take a seat. Doesn’t it get ridiculously hot in here with the weather like this? There’s some ginger beer in the cupboard. Want some?”
“No, thanks. I say, Bob, look here, I want to see you.”
“No, thanks. I said, Bob, listen, I want to see you.”
“Well, you can, can’t you? This is me, sitting over here. The tall, dark, handsome chap.”
“Well, you can, right? This is me, sitting over here. The tall, dark, handsome guy.”
“It’s awfully awkward, you know,” continued Burgess gloomily; “that ass of a young brother of yours—Sorry, but he is an ass, though he’s your brother——”
“It’s really awkward, you know,” continued Burgess gloomily; “that jerk of a younger brother of yours—Sorry, but he is a jerk, even though he’s your brother——”
“Thanks for the ‘though,’ Billy. You know how to put a thing nicely. What’s Mike been up to?”
“Thanks for the thoughtful message, Billy. You really know how to say things nicely. What’s Mike been up to?”
“It’s that old fool the Gazeka. He came to me frothing with rage, and wanted me to call a prefects’ meeting and touch young Mike up.”
“It’s that old fool the Gazeka. He came to me seething with anger and wanted me to hold a meeting with the prefects and discipline young Mike.”
Bob displayed interest and excitement for the first time.
Bob showed interest and excitement for the first time.
“Prefects’ meeting! What the dickens is up? What’s he been doing? Smith must be drunk. What’s all the row about?”
“Prefects’ meeting! What the heck is going on? What’s he been up to? Smith must be wasted. What’s all the fuss about?”
Burgess repeated the main facts of the case as he had them from Firby-Smith.
Burgess went over the main details of the case as he got them from Firby-Smith.
“Personally, I sympathise with the kid,” he added, “Still, the Gazeka is a prefect——”
“Honestly, I feel for the kid,” he added, “But the Gazeka is a prefect——”
Bob gnawed a pen-holder morosely.
Bob gloomily chewed a pen holder.
“Silly young idiot,” he said.
“Silly young fool,” he said.
“Sickening thing being run out,” suggested Burgess.
“Sickening thing being run out,” suggested Burgess.
“Still——”
"Still—"
“I know. It’s rather hard to see what to do. I suppose if the Gazeka insists, one’s bound to support him.”
“I know. It’s pretty tough to figure out what to do. I guess if the Gazeka insists, you have to support him.”
“I suppose so.”
"I guess so."
“Awful rot. Prefects’ lickings aren’t meant for that sort of thing. They’re supposed to be for kids who steal buns at the shop or muck about generally. Not for a chap who curses a fellow who runs him out. I tell you what, there’s just a chance Firby-Smith won’t press the thing. He hadn’t had time to get over it when he saw me. By now he’ll have simmered down a bit. Look here, you’re a pal of his, aren’t you? Well, go and ask him to drop the business. Say you’ll curse your brother and make him apologise, and that I’ll kick him out of the team for the Geddington match.”
“Awful nonsense. The punishments from the prefects aren’t meant for that kind of situation. They’re supposed to be for kids who steal snacks from the shop or act out in general. Not for someone who lashes out at a guy who’s pushed him too far. I’m telling you, there’s a chance Firby-Smith might not go through with it. He hadn’t calmed down yet when he saw me. By now he’s probably cooled off a bit. Hey, you’re his friend, right? Well, go ask him to drop it. Tell him you’ll make your brother apologize, and that I’ll kick him off the team for the Geddington match.”
It was a difficult moment for Bob. One cannot help one’s thoughts, and for an instant the idea of going to Geddington with the team, as he would certainly do if Mike did not play, made him waver. But he recovered himself.
It was a tough moment for Bob. You can't control your thoughts, and for a second, the thought of going to Geddington with the team—something he would definitely do if Mike didn't play—made him hesitate. But he pulled himself together.
“Don’t do that,” he said. “I don’t see there’s a need for anything of that sort. You must play the best side you’ve got. I can easily talk the old Gazeka over. He gets all right in a second if he’s treated the right way. I’ll go and do it now.”
“Don’t do that,” he said. “I don’t think there’s any need for that. You should make the most of what you have. I can easily convince the old Gazeka. He comes around pretty quickly if you treat him right. I’ll go do it now.”
Burgess looked miserable.
Burgess looked unhappy.
“I say, Bob,” he said.
"I mean, Bob," he said.
“Yes?”
"Hello?"
“Oh, nothing—I mean, you’re not a bad sort.” With which glowing eulogy he dashed out of the room, thanking his stars that he had won through a confoundedly awkward business.
“Oh, nothing—I mean, you’re not a bad person.” With that glowing compliment, he rushed out of the room, grateful that he had gotten through such an incredibly awkward situation.
Bob went across to Wain’s to interview and soothe Firby-Smith.
Bob went over to Wain’s to interview and calm down Firby-Smith.
He found that outraged hero sitting moodily in his study like Achilles in his tent.
He found that angry hero sitting moodily in his study like Achilles in his tent.
Seeing Bob, he became all animation.
Seeing Bob, he became really animated.
“Look here,” he said, “I wanted to see you. You know, that frightful young brother of yours——”
“Look, I wanted to see you. You know, that scary young brother of yours——”
“I know, I know,” said Bob. “Burgess was telling me. He wants kicking.”
“I know, I know,” said Bob. “Burgess was telling me. He wants a kick.”
“He wants a frightful licking from the prefects,” emended the aggrieved party.
“He wants a serious punishment from the prefects,” corrected the upset individual.
“Well, I don’t know, you know. Not much good lugging the prefects into it, is there? I mean, apart from everything else, not much of a catch for me, would it be, having to sit there and look on. I’m a prefect, too, you know.”
"Well, I don’t know. There’s not much point in dragging the prefects into this, right? I mean, besides everything else, it wouldn’t really be a great situation for me to just sit there and watch. I’m a prefect, too, you know."
Firby-Smith looked a little blank at this. He had a great admiration for Bob.
Firby-Smith looked a bit confused by this. He had a lot of respect for Bob.
“I didn’t think of you,” he said.
“I didn’t think about you,” he said.
“I thought you hadn’t,” said Bob. “You see it now, though, don’t you?”
“I thought you hadn’t,” Bob said. “You see it now, though, right?”
Firby-Smith returned to the original grievance.
Firby-Smith went back to the original complaint.
“Well, you know, it was frightful cheek.”
“Well, you know, it was really bold.”
“Of course it was. Still, I think if I saw him and cursed him, and sent him up to you to apologise—How would that do?”
“Of course it was. Still, I think if I saw him and cursed him, and sent him to you to apologize—How would that work?”
“All right. After all, I did run him out.”
“All right. After all, I did drive him away.”
“Yes, there’s that, of course. Mike’s all right, really. It isn’t as if he did that sort of thing as a habit.”
“Yes, that’s true, of course. Mike’s fine, really. It’s not like he makes a habit of doing stuff like that.”
“No. All right then.”
“No. Okay then.”
“Thanks,” said Bob, and went to find Mike.
“Thanks,” said Bob, and went to look for Mike.
The lecture on deportment which he read that future All-England batsman in a secluded passage near the junior day-room left the latter rather limp and exceedingly meek. For the moment all the jauntiness and exuberance had been drained out of him. He was a punctured balloon. Reflection, and the distinctly discouraging replies of those experts in school law to whom he had put the question, “What d’you think he’ll do?” had induced a very chastened frame of mind.
The lecture on proper behavior that he gave to the future All-England batsman in a quiet spot near the junior day-room left the latter feeling quite deflated and extremely submissive. For the moment, all his confidence and energy had been taken away. He felt like a deflated balloon. Thinking back, along with the rather discouraging responses from those school law experts when he asked, “What do you think he’ll do?” had put him in a very humbled state of mind.
He perceived that he had walked very nearly into a hornets’ nest, and the realisation of his escape made him agree readily to all the conditions imposed. The apology to the Gazeka was made without reserve, and the offensively forgiving, say-no-more-about-it-but-take-care-in-future air of the head of the house roused no spark of resentment in him, so subdued was his fighting spirit. All he wanted was to get the thing done with. He was not inclined to be critical.
He realized that he had almost stepped into a hornet's nest, and the relief of escaping made him quickly agree to all the conditions set. He offered a wholehearted apology to the Gazeka, and the annoyingly forgiving, let’s-not-talk-about-it-but-be-more-careful-next-time attitude of the head of the house didn’t provoke any resentment in him; his fighting spirit was completely subdued. All he wanted was to get it over with. He wasn’t in the mood to be critical.
And, most of all, he felt grateful to Bob. Firby-Smith, in the course of his address, had not omitted to lay stress on the importance of Bob’s intervention. But for Bob, he gave him to understand, he, Mike, would have been prosecuted with the utmost rigour of the law. Mike came away with a confused picture in his mind of a horde of furious prefects bent on his slaughter, after the manner of a stage “excited crowd,” and Bob waving them back. He realised that Bob had done him a good turn. He wished he could find some way of repaying him.
And, most importantly, he felt thankful to Bob. Firby-Smith, during his speech, made sure to emphasize how crucial Bob's help had been. Without Bob, he made it clear, Mike would have faced the full force of the law. Mike left with a jumbled image in his mind of a bunch of angry prefects ready to attack him, like a staged "excited crowd," with Bob stopping them. He understood that Bob had really helped him out. He wished he could think of a way to return the favor.
Curiously enough, it was an enemy of Bob’s who suggested the way—Burton, of Donaldson’s. Burton was a slippery young gentleman, fourteen years of age, who had frequently come into contact with Bob in the house, and owed him many grudges. With Mike he had always tried to form an alliance, though without success.
Curiously enough, it was one of Bob's enemies who recommended the way—Burton, from Donaldson's. Burton was a sly young guy, fourteen years old, who had often interacted with Bob at the house and held a lot of grudges against him. He had always tried to team up with Mike, but without any luck.
He happened to meet Mike going to school next morning, and unburdened his soul to him. It chanced that Bob and he had had another small encounter immediately after breakfast, and Burton felt revengeful.
He ran into Mike on the way to school the next morning and opened up to him. Just after breakfast, Bob and he had another minor clash, and Burton felt like getting back at him.
“I say,” said Burton, “I’m jolly glad you’re playing for the first against Geddington.”
“I say,” said Burton, “I’m really glad you’re playing for the first against Geddington.”
“Thanks,” said Mike.
“Thanks,” Mike said.
“I’m specially glad for one reason.”
“I’m especially glad for one reason.”
“What’s that?” inquired Mike, without interest.
“What’s that?” Mike asked, sounding uninterested.
“Because your beast of a brother has been chucked out. He’d have been playing but for you.”
“Because your beast of a brother got kicked out. He would have been playing if it weren't for you.”
At any other time Mike would have heard Bob called a beast without active protest. He would have felt that it was no business of his to fight his brother’s battles for him. But on this occasion he deviated from his rule.
At any other time, Mike would have listened to Bob being called a beast without speaking up. He would have thought it wasn't his place to fight his brother's battles. But this time, he broke from that habit.
He kicked Burton. Not once or twice, but several times, so that Burton, retiring hurriedly, came to the conclusion that it must be something in the Jackson blood, some taint, as it were. They were all beasts.
He kicked Burton. Not just once or twice, but several times, so that Burton, quickly backing away, concluded that it must be something in the Jackson blood, some kind of taint. They were all animals.
Mike walked on, weighing this remark, and gradually made up his mind. It must be remembered that he was in a confused mental condition, and that the only thing he realised clearly was that Bob had pulled him out of an uncommonly nasty hole. It seemed to him that it was necessary to repay Bob. He thought the thing over more fully during school, and his decision remained unaltered.
Mike kept walking, considering what was said, and slowly came to a conclusion. It's important to note that he was feeling quite confused, and the only thing he understood clearly was that Bob had rescued him from a really tough spot. He felt it was necessary to repay Bob. He reflected on it more during school, and his decision didn’t change.
On the evening before the Geddington match, just before lock-up, Mike tapped at Burgess’s study door. He tapped with his right hand, for his left was in a sling.
On the evening before the Geddington match, just before closing time, Mike knocked on Burgess’s study door. He knocked with his right hand, since his left arm was in a sling.
“Come in!” yelled the captain. “Hullo!”
“Come in!” shouted the captain. “Hi there!”
“I’m awfully sorry, Burgess,” said Mike. “I’ve crocked my wrist a bit.”
“I’m really sorry, Burgess,” said Mike. “I’ve hurt my wrist a bit.”
“How did you do that? You were all right at the nets?”
“How did you pull that off? Were you good at the nets?”
“Slipped as I was changing,” said Mike stolidly.
“Slipped while I was changing,” Mike said flatly.
“Is it bad?”
"Is it wrong?"
“Nothing much. I’m afraid I shan’t be able to play to-morrow.”
“Not much. I’m afraid I won’t be able to play tomorrow.”
“I say, that’s bad luck. Beastly bad luck. We wanted your batting, too. Be all right, though, in a day or two, I suppose?”
“I say, that’s bad luck. Really bad luck. We needed your batting as well. It should be fine, though, in a day or two, I guess?”
“Oh, yes, rather.”
“Oh, yes, definitely.”
“Hope so, anyway.”
"At least that's the hope."
“Thanks. Good-night.”
“Thanks. Good night.”
“Good-night.”
“Good night.”
And Burgess, with the comfortable feeling that he had managed to combine duty and pleasure after all, wrote a note to Bob at Donaldson’s, telling him to be ready to start with the team for Geddington by the 8.54 next morning.
And Burgess, feeling satisfied that he had somehow combined duty and pleasure, wrote a note to Bob at Donaldson’s, telling him to be ready to leave with the team for Geddington on the 8:54 train the next morning.
CHAPTER XVI
AN EXPERT EXAMINATION
Mike’s Uncle John was a wanderer on the face of the earth. He had been an army surgeon in the days of his youth, and, after an adventurous career, mainly in Afghanistan, had inherited enough money to keep him in comfort for the rest of his life. He had thereupon left the service, and now spent most of his time flitting from one spot of Europe to another. He had been dashing up to Scotland on the day when Mike first became a Wrykynian, but a few weeks in an uncomfortable hotel in Skye and a few days in a comfortable one in Edinburgh had left him with the impression that he had now seen all that there was to be seen in North Britain and might reasonably shift his camp again.
Mike’s Uncle John was a wanderer. He used to be an army surgeon in his youth, and after a life full of adventure, mostly in Afghanistan, he inherited enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life. He then left the military and spent most of his time moving from one place in Europe to another. He had been rushing up to Scotland on the day Mike became a Wrykynian, but after a few weeks in a cramped hotel in Skye and a few days in a nice one in Edinburgh, he felt like he had seen everything there was to see in North Britain and could reasonably set off again.
Coming south, he had looked in on Mike’s people for a brief space, and, at the request of Mike’s mother, took the early express to Wrykyn in order to pay a visit of inspection.
Coming south, he had checked in on Mike's family for a short time, and, at Mike's mother's request, took the early express to Wrykyn to make a visit for an inspection.
His telegram arrived during morning school. Mike went down to the station to meet him after lunch.
His message came in during morning classes. Mike went to the station to meet him after lunch.
Uncle John took command of the situation at once.
Uncle John took charge of the situation immediately.
“School playing anybody to-day, Mike? I want to see a match.”
“Is anyone playing at school today, Mike? I want to catch a match.”
“They’re playing Geddington. Only it’s away. There’s a second match on.”
“They're playing Geddington. But it's an away game. There's another match on.”
“Why aren’t you—Hullo, I didn’t see. What have you been doing to yourself?”
“Why aren’t you—Hey, I didn’t notice. What have you been doing to yourself?”
“Crocked my wrist a bit. It’s nothing much.”
“Twisted my wrist a bit. It’s not a big deal.”
“How did you do that?”
“How did you do that?”
“Slipped while I was changing after cricket.”
“Slipped while I was changing after playing cricket.”
“Hurt?”
"Are you hurt?"
“Not much, thanks.”
"Not much, thanks."
“Doctor seen it?”
"Did the doctor see it?"
“No. But it’s really nothing. Be all right by Monday.”
“No. But it’s really nothing. It’ll be fine by Monday.”
“H’m. Somebody ought to look at it. I’ll have a look later on.”
“Hm. Someone should check it out. I’ll take a look later.”
Mike did not appear to relish this prospect.
Mike didn't seem to be looking forward to this possibility.
“It isn’t anything, Uncle John, really. It doesn’t matter a bit.”
“It’s nothing, Uncle John, really. It doesn’t matter at all.”
“Never mind. It won’t do any harm having somebody examine it who knows a bit about these things. Now, what shall we do. Go on the river?”
“Never mind. It won’t hurt to have someone look at it who knows a bit about these things. So, what should we do? Go on the river?”
“I shouldn’t be able to steer.”
“I shouldn't be able to steer.”
“I could manage about that. Still, I think I should like to see the place first. Your mother’s sure to ask me if you showed me round. It’s like going over the stables when you’re stopping at a country-house. Got to be done, and better do it as soon as possible.”
“I can handle that. Still, I think I should see the place first. Your mom will definitely ask me if you showed me around. It’s like touring the stables when you’re staying at a country house. It’s gotta be done, so it’s better to do it as soon as we can.”
It is never very interesting playing the part of showman at school. Both Mike and his uncle were inclined to scamp the business. Mike pointed out the various landmarks without much enthusiasm—it is only after one has left a few years that the school buildings take to themselves romance—and Uncle John said, “Ah yes, I see. Very nice,” two or three times in an absent voice; and they passed on to the cricket field, where the second eleven were playing a neighbouring engineering school. It was a glorious day. The sun had never seemed to Mike so bright or the grass so green. It was one of those days when the ball looks like a large vermilion-coloured football as it leaves the bowler’s hand. If ever there was a day when it seemed to Mike that a century would have been a certainty, it was this Saturday. A sudden, bitter realisation of all he had given up swept over him, but he choked the feeling down. The thing was done, and it was no good brooding over the might-have-beens now. Still—And the Geddington ground was supposed to be one of the easiest scoring grounds of all the public schools!
It’s never really exciting playing tour guide at school. Both Mike and his uncle weren’t very keen on it. Mike pointed out the different landmarks without much enthusiasm—it’s only after you’ve been away for a few years that the school buildings gain some romance—and Uncle John said, “Oh yes, I see. Very nice,” a couple of times in a distracted way; then they moved on to the cricket field, where the second eleven was playing a nearby engineering school. It was a beautiful day. The sun had never seemed so bright to Mike, nor the grass so green. It was one of those days when the ball looks like a big red football as it leaves the bowler’s hand. If there was ever a day when Mike felt a century was a sure thing, it was this Saturday. A sudden, intense realization of everything he had given up hit him, but he pushed the feeling down. What’s done is done, and there’s no point in dwelling on the what-ifs now. Still—and the Geddington ground was said to be one of the easiest scoring grounds among all the public schools!
“Well hit, by George!” remarked Uncle John, as Trevor, who had gone in first wicket for the second eleven, swept a half-volley to leg round to the bank where they were sitting.
“Nice shot, by George!” remarked Uncle John, as Trevor, who had come in first wicket for the second eleven, swept a half-volley to leg over to the bank where they were sitting.
“That’s Trevor,” said Mike. “Chap in Donaldson’s. The fellow at the other end is Wilkins. He’s in the School House. They look as if they were getting set. By Jove,” he said enviously, “pretty good fun batting on a day like this.”
“That's Trevor,” Mike said. “The guy in Donaldson's. The one at the other end is Wilkins. He’s in the School House. They look like they're getting ready. Wow,” he said enviously, “it must be pretty fun to bat on a day like this.”
Uncle John detected the envious note.
Uncle John noticed the hint of jealousy.
“I suppose you would have been playing here but for your wrist?”
“I guess you would have been playing here if it weren't for your wrist?”
“No, I was playing for the first.”
“No, I was playing for the first time.”
“For the first? For the school! My word, Mike, I didn’t know that. No wonder you’re feeling badly treated. Of course, I remember your father saying you had played once for the school, and done well; but I thought that was only as a substitute. I didn’t know you were a regular member of the team. What bad luck. Will you get another chance?”
“For the first? For the school! Wow, Mike, I had no idea. No wonder you feel mistreated. I do remember your dad mentioning that you played for the school once and did great; I thought that was just as a substitute. I didn't realize you were a regular on the team. What bad luck. Will you get another shot?”
“Depends on Bob.”
“It's up to Bob.”
“Has Bob got your place?”
“Does Bob have your spot?”
Mike nodded.
Mike agreed.
“If he does well to-day, they’ll probably keep him in.”
“If he does well today, they’ll probably keep him on.”
“Isn’t there room for both of you?”
“Isn’t there space for both of you?”
“Such a lot of old colours. There are only three vacancies, and Henfrey got one of those a week ago. I expect they’ll give one of the other two to a bowler, Neville-Smith, I should think, if he does well against Geddington. Then there’ll be only the last place left.”
“Such a lot of old colors. There are only three spots open, and Henfrey grabbed one of those a week ago. I bet they’ll give one of the other two to a bowler, probably Neville-Smith, if he performs well against Geddington. That’ll leave just the last spot available.”
“Rather awkward, that.”
"That's kind of awkward."
“Still, it’s Bob’s last year. I’ve got plenty of time. But I wish I could get in this year.”
“Still, it’s Bob’s last year. I’ve got plenty of time. But I wish I could join in this year.”
After they had watched the match for an hour, Uncle John’s restless nature asserted itself.
After watching the match for an hour, Uncle John's restless nature took over.
“Suppose we go for a pull on the river now?” he suggested.
"How about we take a trip on the river right now?" he suggested.
They got up.
They woke up.
“Let’s just call at the shop,” said Mike. “There ought to be a telegram from Geddington by this time. I wonder how Bob’s got on.”
“Let’s just stop by the shop,” said Mike. “There should be a telegram from Geddington by now. I wonder how Bob is doing.”
Apparently Bob had not had a chance yet of distinguishing himself. The telegram read, “Geddington 151 for four. Lunch.”
Apparently, Bob still hadn't had a chance to stand out. The telegram said, “Geddington 151 for four. Lunch.”
“Not bad that,” said Mike. “But I believe they’re weak in bowling.”
“Not bad,” said Mike. “But I think they’re not great at bowling.”
They walked down the road towards the school landing-stage.
They walked down the road toward the school dock.
“The worst of a school,” said Uncle John, as he pulled up-stream with strong, unskilful stroke, “is that one isn’t allowed to smoke on the grounds. I badly want a pipe. The next piece of shade that you see, sing out, and we’ll put in there.”
“The worst thing about school,” said Uncle John, as he paddled upstream with a strong, clumsy stroke, “is that you’re not allowed to smoke on the grounds. I really want a pipe. The next shade you spot, shout it out, and we’ll stop there.”
“Pull your left,” said Mike. “That willow’s what you want.”
“Pull to the left,” said Mike. “That willow is what you want.”
Uncle John looked over his shoulder, caught a crab, recovered himself, and steered the boat in under the shade of the branches.
Uncle John glanced back, caught a crab, regained his balance, and maneuvered the boat under the shade of the branches.
“Put the rope over that stump. Can you manage with one hand? Here, let me—Done it? Good. A-ah!”
“Put the rope over that stump. Can you do it with one hand? Here, let me—Got it? Great. A-ah!”
He blew a great cloud of smoke into the air, and sighed contentedly.
He exhaled a large puff of smoke into the air and sighed with satisfaction.
“I hope you don’t smoke, Mike?”
“I hope you don’t smoke, Mike?”
“No.”
“Nope.”
“Rotten trick for a boy. When you get to my age you need it. Boys ought to be thinking about keeping themselves fit and being good at games. Which reminds me. Let’s have a look at the wrist.”
“It's a rotten trick for a boy. When you reach my age, you need it. Boys should be focused on staying fit and excelling in sports. Speaking of which, let’s check out the wrist.”
A hunted expression came into Mike’s eyes.
A hunted look appeared in Mike’s eyes.
“It’s really nothing,” he began, but his uncle had already removed the sling, and was examining the arm with the neat rapidity of one who has been brought up to such things.
“It’s really nothing,” he started, but his uncle had already taken off the sling and was checking the arm with the quick efficiency of someone who has been trained to handle such situations.
To Mike it seemed as if everything in the world was standing still and waiting. He could hear nothing but his own breathing.
To Mike, it felt like everything in the world was frozen and waiting. He could hear nothing but his own breath.
His uncle pressed the wrist gingerly once or twice, then gave it a little twist.
His uncle carefully pressed the wrist a couple of times, then gave it a slight twist.
“That hurt?” he asked.
"Does that hurt?" he asked.
“Ye—no,” stammered Mike.
"Yeah—no," stammered Mike.
Uncle John looked up sharply. Mike was crimson.
Uncle John looked up quickly. Mike was bright red.
“What’s the game?” inquired Uncle John.
“What’s the game?” Uncle John asked.
Mike said nothing.
Mike kept silent.
There was a twinkle in his uncle’s eyes.
There was a sparkle in his uncle’s eyes.
“May as well tell me. I won’t give you away. Why this wounded warrior business when you’ve no more the matter with you than I have?”
“Go ahead and tell me. I won’t spill the beans. Why this wounded warrior act when you’re not any worse off than I am?”
Mike hesitated.
Mike paused.
“I only wanted to get out of having to write this morning. There was an exam on.”
“I just wanted to avoid writing this morning. There was an exam happening.”
The idea had occurred to him just before he spoke. It had struck him as neat and plausible.
The idea had come to him just before he spoke. It seemed smart and reasonable.
To Uncle John it did not appear in the same light.
To Uncle John, it didn’t seem the same.
“Do you always write with your left hand? And if you had gone with the first eleven to Geddington, wouldn’t that have got you out of your exam? Try again.”
“Do you always write with your left hand? And if you had gone with the first eleven to Geddington, wouldn't that have gotten you out of your exam? Try again.”
When in doubt, one may as well tell the truth. Mike told it.
When in doubt, it's better to just tell the truth. Mike did just that.
“I know. It wasn’t that, really. Only——”
“I know. It wasn't that, actually. Only——”
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“Oh, well, dash it all then. Old Bob got me out of an awful row the day before yesterday, and he seemed a bit sick at not playing for the first, so I thought I might as well let him. That’s how it was. Look here, swear you won’t tell him.”
“Oh, well, forget it then. Old Bob got me out of a tough situation the day before yesterday, and he seemed a bit upset about not playing for the first team, so I figured I might as well let him. That’s how it was. Listen, promise you won’t tell him.”
Uncle John was silent. Inwardly he was deciding that the five shillings which he had intended to bestow on Mike on his departure should become a sovereign. (This, it may be mentioned as an interesting biographical fact, was the only occasion in his life on which Mike earned money at the rate of fifteen shillings a half-minute.)
Uncle John was quiet. Inside, he was deciding that the five shillings he had planned to give Mike when he left should be a sovereign instead. (As an interesting note, this was the only time in his life that Mike made money at a rate of fifteen shillings every half-minute.)
“Swear you won’t tell him. He’d be most frightfully sick if he knew.”
“Promise you won’t tell him. He’d be really upset if he found out.”
“I won’t tell him.”
"I won't tell him."
Conversation dwindled to vanishing-point. Uncle John smoked on in weighty silence, while Mike, staring up at the blue sky through the branches of the willow, let his mind wander to Geddington, where his fate was even now being sealed. How had the school got on? What had Bob done? If he made about twenty, would they give him his cap? Supposing....
Conversation faded into nothingness. Uncle John kept smoking in heavy silence, while Mike, gazing up at the blue sky through the willow branches, let his thoughts drift to Geddington, where his future was being decided right now. How did the school perform? What did Bob do? If he scored around twenty, would they give him his cap? What if...
A faint snore from Uncle John broke in on his meditations. Then there was a clatter as a briar pipe dropped on to the floor of the boat, and his uncle sat up, gaping.
A slight snore from Uncle John interrupted his thoughts. Then there was a noise as a briar pipe fell onto the floor of the boat, and his uncle sat up, staring in surprise.
“Jove, I was nearly asleep. What’s the time? Just on six? Didn’t know it was so late.”
“Wow, I was almost asleep. What time is it? Just past six? I didn’t realize it was that late.”
“I ought to be getting back soon, I think. Lock-up’s at half-past.”
“I should be heading back soon, I think. Lock-up is at 5:30.”
“Up with the anchor, then. You can tackle that rope with two hands now, eh? We are not observed. Don’t fall overboard. I’m going to shove her off.”
“Lift the anchor now. You can handle that rope with both hands, right? No one’s watching us. Don’t fall into the water. I’m going to push her off.”
“There’ll be another telegram, I should think,” said Mike, as they reached the school gates.
“There will be another telegram, I believe,” Mike said as they arrived at the school gates.
“Shall we go and look?”
"Should we go check it out?"
They walked to the shop.
They walked to the store.
A second piece of grey paper had been pinned up under the first. Mike pushed his way through the crowd. It was a longer message this time.
A second piece of gray paper was pinned up under the first. Mike pushed his way through the crowd. This time, it was a longer message.
It ran as follows:
It ran like this:
“Geddington 247 (Burgess six
wickets, Neville-Smith four).
Wrykyn 270 for nine (Berridge 86, Marsh 58, Jackson 48).”
“Geddington 247 (Burgess six wickets, Neville-Smith four).
Wrykyn 270 for nine (Berridge 86, Marsh 58, Jackson 48).”
Mike worked his way back through the throng, and rejoined his uncle.
Mike made his way back through the crowd and rejoined his uncle.
“Well?” said Uncle John.
“Well?” Uncle John asked.
“We won.”
"We won."
He paused for a moment.
He paused briefly.
“Bob made forty-eight,” he added carelessly.
“Bob made forty-eight,” he said casually.
Uncle John felt in his pocket, and silently slid a sovereign into Mike’s hand.
Uncle John reached into his pocket and quietly slipped a gold coin into Mike’s hand.
It was the only possible reply.
It was the only response that made sense.
CHAPTER XVII
ANOTHER VACANCY
Wyatt got back late that night, arriving at the dormitory as Mike was going to bed.
Wyatt returned late that night, arriving at the dorm as Mike was getting ready for bed.
“By Jove, I’m done,” he said. “It was simply baking at Geddington. And I came back in a carriage with Neville-Smith and Ellerby, and they ragged the whole time. I wanted to go to sleep, only they wouldn’t let me. Old Smith was awfully bucked because he’d taken four wickets. I should think he’d go off his nut if he took eight ever. He was singing comic songs when he wasn’t trying to put Ellerby under the seat. How’s your wrist?”
“Wow, I’m done,” he said. “It was just sweltering at Geddington. I came back in a car with Neville-Smith and Ellerby, and they joked around the whole time. I wanted to sleep, but they wouldn’t let me. Old Smith was really thrilled because he took four wickets. I can only imagine he’d lose it if he took eight. He was singing funny songs when he wasn’t trying to shove Ellerby under the seat. How’s your wrist?”
“Oh, better, thanks.”
“Feeling better, thanks.”
Wyatt began to undress.
Wyatt started to undress.
“Any colours?” asked Mike after a pause. First eleven colours were generally given in the pavilion after a match or on the journey home.
“Any colors?” asked Mike after a pause. The first eleven colors were usually announced in the pavilion after a match or on the way home.
“No. Only one or two thirds. Jenkins and Clephane, and another chap, can’t remember who. No first, though.”
“No. Only one or two thirds. Jenkins and Clephane, and another guy, I can’t remember who. No first, though.”
“What was Bob’s innings like?”
“How was Bob’s performance?”
“Not bad. A bit lucky. He ought to have been out before he’d scored, and he was out when he’d made about sixteen, only the umpire didn’t seem to know that it’s l-b-w when you get your leg right in front of the wicket and the ball hits it. Never saw a clearer case in my life. I was in at the other end. Bit rotten for the Geddington chaps. Just lost them the match. Their umpire, too. Bit of luck for Bob. He didn’t give the ghost of a chance after that.”
“Not bad. A little lucky. He should have been out before he scored, and he was finally out when he had around sixteen, but the umpire didn’t seem to know that it’s leg before wicket when you get your leg right in front of the wicket and the ball hits it. I’ve never seen a clearer case in my life. I was at the other end. Pretty unfair for the Geddington guys. Just cost them the match. Their umpire, too. A bit of luck for Bob. He didn’t give a single chance after that.”
“I should have thought they’d have given him his colours.”
“I would have thought they’d have given him his colors.”
“Most captains would have done, only Burgess is so keen on fielding that he rather keeps off it.”
“Most captains would have handled it differently, but Burgess is so focused on fielding that he tends to avoid it.”
“Why, did he field badly?”
“Why, did he play poorly?”
“Rottenly. And the man always will choose Billy’s bowling to drop catches off. And Billy would cut his rich uncle from Australia if he kept on dropping them off him. Bob’s fielding’s perfectly sinful. He was pretty bad at the beginning of the season, but now he’s got so nervous that he’s a dozen times worse. He turns a delicate green when he sees a catch coming. He let their best man off twice in one over, off Billy, to-day; and the chap went on and made a hundred odd. Ripping innings bar those two chances. I hear he’s got an average of eighty in school matches this season. Beastly man to bowl to. Knocked me off in half a dozen overs. And, when he does give a couple of easy chances, Bob puts them both on the floor. Billy wouldn’t have given him his cap after the match if he’d made a hundred. Bob’s the sort of man who wouldn’t catch a ball if you handed it to him on a plate, with watercress round it.”
“Terribly. And the guy always picks Billy’s bowling to drop catches off of. Billy would cut ties with his wealthy uncle from Australia if he kept dropping them like that. Bob’s fielding is just awful. He was pretty bad at the beginning of the season, but now he’s gotten so nervous that he’s even worse. He turns pale when he sees a catch coming. He let their best player off twice in one over, off Billy, today; and the guy went on to score over a hundred. Great innings, aside from those two chances. I hear he has an average of eighty in school matches this season. A tough guy to bowl to. Dismissed me in just a handful of overs. And when he does give a couple of easy chances, Bob drops both of them. Billy wouldn’t have given him his cap after the match even if he scored a hundred. Bob’s the type of guy who wouldn’t catch a ball if you handed it to him on a plate, with watercress around it.”
Burgess, reviewing the match that night, as he lay awake in his cubicle, had come to much the same conclusion. He was very fond of Bob, but two missed catches in one over was straining the bonds of human affection too far. There would have been serious trouble between David and Jonathan if either had persisted in dropping catches off the other’s bowling. He writhed in bed as he remembered the second of the two chances which the wretched Bob had refused. The scene was indelibly printed on his mind. Chap had got a late cut which he fancied rather. With great guile he had fed this late cut. Sent down a couple which he put to the boundary. Then fired a third much faster and a bit shorter. Chap had a go at it, just as he had expected: and he felt that life was a good thing after all when the ball just touched the corner of the bat and flew into Bob’s hands. And Bob dropped it!
Burgess, reflecting on the match that night as he lay awake in his cubicle, came to a similar conclusion. He really liked Bob, but two dropped catches in one over were pushing the limits of friendship. There would have been serious issues between David and Jonathan if either of them kept dropping catches from the other's bowling. He squirmed in bed as he remembered the second of the two chances that the unfortunate Bob had missed. The scene was burned into his mind. Chap had hit a late cut that he was pretty pleased with. With cleverness, he had set up that late cut. He sent a couple down to the boundary. Then he delivered a third ball much faster and a bit shorter. Chap went for it, just as he had anticipated, and he felt that life was worth living when the ball just grazed the edge of the bat and flew into Bob’s hands. And Bob dropped it!
The memory was too bitter. If he dwelt on it, he felt, he would get insomnia. So he turned to pleasanter reflections: the yorker which had shattered the second-wicket man, and the slow head-ball which had led to a big hitter being caught on the boundary. Soothed by these memories, he fell asleep.
The memory was too painful. If he thought about it too much, he felt he would lose sleep. So he focused on happier thoughts: the yorker that had struck out the second-wicket player and the slow head-ball that had resulted in a big hitter being caught at the boundary. Comforted by these memories, he drifted off to sleep.
Next morning he found himself in a softened frame of mind. He thought of Bob’s iniquities with sorrow rather than wrath. He felt towards him much as a father feels towards a prodigal son whom there is still a chance of reforming. He overtook Bob on his way to chapel.
Next morning he found himself in a more forgiving mood. He thought about Bob’s wrongdoings with sadness instead of anger. He felt towards him like a father feels towards a wayward son who might still be able to change. He caught up with Bob on his way to chapel.
Directness was always one of Burgess’s leading qualities.
Directness was always one of Burgess’s top traits.
“Look here, Bob. About your fielding. It’s simply awful.”
“Listen up, Bob. Your fielding is just terrible.”
Bob was all remorse.
Bob was full of regret.
“It’s those beastly slip catches. I can’t time them.”
“It’s those awful slip catches. I can’t get the timing right.”
“That one yesterday was right into your hands. Both of them were.”
“That one yesterday was right in your hands. Both of them were.”
“I know. I’m frightfully sorry.”
"I know. I'm really sorry."
“Well, but I mean, why can’t you hold them? It’s no good being a good bat—you’re that all right—if you’re going to give away runs in the field.”
“Well, I mean, why can’t you hold onto them? Being a good batter is great—you definitely are—but it doesn’t help if you’re giving away runs in the field.”
“Do you know, I believe I should do better in the deep. I could get time to watch them there. I wish you’d give me a shot in the deep—for the second.”
“Do you know, I think I would do better in the deep. I could take the time to watch them there. I wish you’d give me a chance in the deep—for the second.”
“Second be blowed! I want your batting in the first. Do you think you’d really do better in the deep?”
“Forget that! I want you batting in the first. Do you really think you’d do better in the back?”
“I’m almost certain I should. I’ll practise like mad. Trevor’ll hit me up catches. I hate the slips. I get in the dickens of a funk directly the bowler starts his run now. I know that if a catch does come, I shall miss it. I’m certain the deep would be much better.”
“I’m almost sure I should. I’ll practice like crazy. Trevor will throw me catches. I hate the slips. I get really anxious as soon as the bowler starts his run now. I know that if a catch comes my way, I’ll miss it. I’m sure the deep would be much better.”
“All right then. Try it.”
"Okay then. Give it a shot."
The conversation turned to less pressing topics.
The conversation shifted to less urgent topics.
In the next two matches, accordingly, Bob figured on the boundary, where he had not much to do except throw the ball back to the bowler, and stop an occasional drive along the carpet. The beauty of fielding in the deep is that no unpleasant surprises can be sprung upon one. There is just that moment or two for collecting one’s thoughts which makes the whole difference. Bob, as he stood regarding the game from afar, found his self-confidence returning slowly, drop by drop.
In the next two matches, Bob was positioned on the boundary, where he didn't have much to do except throw the ball back to the bowler and stop the occasional ground shot. The great thing about fielding in the deep is that you don’t get any unexpected surprises. There’s just that moment or two to gather your thoughts, which makes all the difference. As Bob stood there observing the game from a distance, he felt his self-confidence slowly returning, bit by bit.
As for Mike, he played for the second, and hoped for the day.
As for Mike, he played for the second time and hoped for the day.
His opportunity came at last. It will be remembered that on the morning after the Great Picnic the headmaster made an announcement in Hall to the effect that, owing to an outbreak of chicken-pox in the town, all streets except the High Street would be out of bounds. This did not affect the bulk of the school, for most of the shops to which any one ever thought of going were in the High Street. But there were certain inquiring minds who liked to ferret about in odd corners.
His chance finally arrived. It’ll be remembered that on the morning after the Great Picnic, the headmaster announced in the Hall that, due to a chickenpox outbreak in the town, all streets except for High Street would be off-limits. This didn't impact most of the students, since the majority of the shops anyone ever thought of visiting were on High Street. However, there were a few curious minds who enjoyed exploring the hidden nooks.
Among these was one Leather-Twigg, of Seymour’s, better known in criminal circles as Shoeblossom.
Among these was one Leather-Twigg, of Seymour’s, better known in criminal circles as Shoeblossom.
Shoeblossom was a curious mixture of the Energetic Ragger and the Quiet Student. On a Monday evening you would hear a hideous uproar proceeding from Seymour’s junior day-room; and, going down with a swagger-stick to investigate, you would find a tangled heap of squealing humanity on the floor, and at the bottom of the heap, squealing louder than any two others, would be Shoeblossom, his collar burst and blackened and his face apoplectically crimson. On the Tuesday afternoon, strolling in some shady corner of the grounds you would come upon him lying on his chest, deep in some work of fiction and resentful of interruption. On the Wednesday morning he would be in receipt of four hundred lines from his housemaster for breaking three windows and a gas-globe. Essentially a man of moods, Shoeblossom.
Shoeblossom was a curious mix of the lively troublemaker and the quiet student. On a Monday evening, you'd hear a terrible noise coming from Seymour’s junior day-room; if you went down with a swagger stick to check it out, you'd find a tangled pile of shouting kids on the floor, and at the bottom of the pile, squealing louder than anyone else, would be Shoeblossom, his collar torn and dirty, and his face bright red with anger. On Tuesday afternoon, while strolling in a shady spot on the grounds, you might come across him lying on his stomach, deeply absorbed in a work of fiction and unhappy to be disturbed. By Wednesday morning, he'd be facing four hundred lines from his housemaster for breaking three windows and a gas lamp. Shoeblossom was essentially a guy of changing moods.
It happened about the date of the Geddington match that he took out from the school library a copy of “The Iron Pirate,” and for the next day or two he wandered about like a lost spirit trying to find a sequestered spot in which to read it. His inability to hit on such a spot was rendered more irritating by the fact that, to judge from the first few chapters (which he had managed to get through during prep. one night under the eye of a short-sighted master), the book was obviously the last word in hot stuff. He tried the junior day-room, but people threw cushions at him. He tried out of doors, and a ball hit from a neighbouring net nearly scalped him. Anything in the nature of concentration became impossible in these circumstances.
It happened around the time of the Geddington match that he checked out a copy of “The Iron Pirate” from the school library, and for the next couple of days, he wandered around like a lost soul trying to find a quiet place to read it. His struggle to find such a spot was made even more frustrating by the fact that, judging by the first few chapters (which he had managed to read one night during prep under the watch of a short-sighted teacher), the book was clearly amazing. He tried the junior day-room, but people threw cushions at him. He went outside, and a ball hit from a nearby net almost knocked him out. Under these circumstances, anything resembling concentration was impossible.
Then he recollected that in a quiet backwater off the High Street there was a little confectioner’s shop, where tea might be had at a reasonable sum, and also, what was more important, peace.
Then he remembered that in a quiet backstreet off the High Street, there was a small candy shop where tea could be enjoyed at a reasonable price, and more importantly, peace.
He made his way there, and in the dingy back shop, all amongst the dust and bluebottles, settled down to a thoughtful perusal of chapter six.
He headed there, and in the grimy back room, surrounded by dust and flies, settled in for a thoughtful read of chapter six.
Upstairs, at the same moment, the doctor was recommending that Master John George, the son of the house, be kept warm and out of draughts and not permitted to scratch himself, however necessary such an action might seem to him. In brief, he was attending J. G. for chicken-pox.
Upstairs, at the same time, the doctor was advising that Master John George, the son of the house, be kept warm and away from drafts and not allowed to scratch himself, no matter how much he might feel the need to. In short, he was treating J. G. for chickenpox.
Shoeblossom came away, entering the High Street furtively, lest Authority should see him out of bounds, and returned to the school, where he went about his lawful occasions as if there were no such thing as chicken-pox in the world.
Shoeblossom slipped away, entering the High Street cautiously, so Authority wouldn’t notice him out of bounds, and went back to the school, where he went about his normal activities as if chicken pox didn’t exist.
But all the while the microbe was getting in some unostentatious but clever work. A week later Shoeblossom began to feel queer. He had occasional headaches, and found himself oppressed by a queer distaste for food. The professional advice of Dr. Oakes, the school doctor, was called for, and Shoeblossom took up his abode in the Infirmary, where he read Punch, sucked oranges, and thought of Life.
But all the while, the microbe was doing some subtle but clever work. A week later, Shoeblossom started to feel strange. He had occasional headaches and found himself bothered by an odd dislike for food. They called for the professional advice of Dr. Oakes, the school doctor, and Shoeblossom moved into the Infirmary, where he read Punch, sucked on oranges, and pondered Life.
Two days later Barry felt queer. He, too, disappeared from Society.
Two days later, Barry felt strange. He, too, vanished from Society.
Chicken-pox is no respecter of persons. The next victim was Marsh, of the first eleven. Marsh, who was top of the school averages. Where were his drives now, his late cuts that were wont to set the pavilion in a roar. Wrapped in a blanket, and looking like the spotted marvel of a travelling circus, he was driven across to the Infirmary in a four-wheeler, and it became incumbent upon Burgess to select a substitute for him.
Chickenpox doesn’t discriminate. The next victim was Marsh from the first eleven. Marsh, who was at the top of the school averages. Where were his drives now, his late cuts that used to make the pavilion erupt with cheers? Wrapped in a blanket and looking like a spotted attraction from a traveling circus, he was taken to the Infirmary in a carriage, and it was up to Burgess to find a substitute for him.
And so it came about that Mike soared once again into the ranks of the elect, and found his name down in the team to play against the Incogniti.
And so it happened that Mike rose once more into the ranks of the chosen, and saw his name listed on the team to play against the Incogniti.
CHAPTER XVIII
BOB HAS NEWS TO IMPART
Wrykyn went down badly before the Incogs. It generally happens at least once in a school cricket season that the team collapses hopelessly, for no apparent reason. Some schools do it in nearly every match, but Wrykyn so far had been particularly fortunate this year. They had only been beaten once, and that by a mere twenty odd runs in a hard-fought game. But on this particular day, against a not overwhelmingly strong side, they failed miserably. The weather may have had something to do with it, for rain fell early in the morning, and the school, batting first on the drying wicket, found themselves considerably puzzled by a slow left-hander. Morris and Berridge left with the score still short of ten, and after that the rout began. Bob, going in fourth wicket, made a dozen, and Mike kept his end up, and was not out eleven; but nobody except Wyatt, who hit out at everything and knocked up thirty before he was stumped, did anything to distinguish himself. The total was a hundred and seven, and the Incogniti, batting when the wicket was easier, doubled this.
Wrykyn had a rough game against the Incogs. It usually happens at least once during a school cricket season that a team falls apart for no clear reason. Some schools face this in nearly every match, but Wrykyn had been particularly lucky this year. They'd only lost once, and that was by just twenty runs in a tough game. However, on this day, against a not particularly strong team, they completely failed. The weather might have played a role since it rained early in the morning, and the school, batting first on the drying pitch, was quite confused by a slow left-arm bowler. Morris and Berridge both got out when the score was still under ten, and from there, the collapse began. Bob came in fourth and scored twelve, while Mike stuck around to finish not out on eleven; but nobody except Wyatt, who swung at everything and scored thirty before getting stumped, stood out. The final score was one hundred and seven, and the Incogniti, batting on a better wicket, easily doubled that.
The general opinion of the school after this match was that either Mike or Bob would have to stand down from the team when it was definitely filled up, for Neville-Smith, by showing up well with the ball against the Incogniti when the others failed with the bat, made it practically certain that he would get one of the two vacancies.
The overall feeling at the school after this match was that either Mike or Bob would have to step aside from the team once it was completely filled, because Neville-Smith, by performing well with the ball against the Incogniti when the others struggled with the bat, made it almost certain that he would take one of the two available spots.
“If I do” he said to Wyatt, “there will be the biggest bust of modern times at my place. My pater is away for a holiday in Norway, and I’m alone, bar the servants. And I can square them. Will you come?”
“If I do,” he said to Wyatt, “there will be the biggest party of modern times at my place. My dad is away on holiday in Norway, and I’m alone, except for the staff. And I can handle them. Will you come?”
“Tea?”
"Want some tea?"
“Tea!” said Neville-Smith scornfully.
“Tea!” Neville-Smith said scornfully.
“Well, what then?”
"Okay, so what now?"
“Don’t you ever have feeds in the dorms. after lights-out in the houses?”
“Don’t you ever have parties in the dorms after the lights go out?”
“Used to when I was a kid. Too old now. Have to look after my digestion. I remember, three years ago, when Wain’s won the footer cup, we got up and fed at about two in the morning. All sorts of luxuries. Sardines on sugar-biscuits. I’ve got the taste in my mouth still. Do you remember Macpherson? Left a couple of years ago. His food ran out, so he spread brown-boot polish on bread, and ate that. Got through a slice, too. Wonderful chap! But what about this thing of yours? What time’s it going to be?”
“Used to do it when I was a kid. Too old for that now. I have to watch my digestion. I remember, three years ago, when Wain's won the footer cup, we got up to eat around two in the morning. All kinds of luxuries. Sardines on sugar biscuits. I can still taste it. Do you remember Macpherson? He left a couple of years ago. His food ran out, so he put brown boot polish on bread and ate that. He managed to get through a slice, too. What a guy! But what about your thing? What time is it going to be?”
“Eleven suit you?”
"Does eleven work for you?"
“All right.”
“Okay.”
“How about getting out?”
"How about going out?"
“I’ll do it as quickly as the team did to-day. I can’t say more than that.”
“I’ll do it just as quickly as the team did today. I can’t say anything more than that.”
“You were all right.”
"You were all good."
“I’m an exceptional sort of chap.”
“I’m a pretty unique person.”
“What about the Jacksons?”
“What’s up with the Jacksons?”
“It’s going to be a close thing. If Bob’s fielding were to improve suddenly, he would just do it. But young Mike’s all over him as a bat. In a year or two that kid’ll be a marvel. He’s bound to get in next year, of course, so perhaps it would be better if Bob got the place as it’s his last season. Still, one wants the best man, of course.”
“It’s going to be really close. If Bob’s fielding suddenly improves, he’ll just nail it. But young Mike is right on his heels as a batter. In a year or two, that kid will be amazing. He’s definitely going to make it next year, so maybe it would be better for Bob to get the spot since it’s his last season. Still, you want the best player, of course.”
Mike avoided Bob as much as possible during this anxious period; and he privately thought it rather tactless of the latter when, meeting him one day outside Donaldson’s, he insisted on his coming in and having some tea.
Mike tried to stay away from Bob as much as he could during this stressful time; and he privately thought it was pretty inconsiderate of Bob when, running into him one day outside Donaldson’s, he insisted that Mike come in for some tea.
Mike shuffled uncomfortably as his brother filled the kettle and lit the Etna. It required more tact than he had at his disposal to carry off a situation like this.
Mike shifted awkwardly as his brother filled the kettle and lit the stove. It took way more finesse than he had to handle a situation like this.
Bob, being older, was more at his ease. He got tea ready, making desultory conversation the while, as if there were no particular reason why either of them should feel uncomfortable in the other’s presence. When he had finished, he poured Mike out a cup, passed him the bread, and sat down.
Bob, being older, felt more relaxed. He prepared the tea, engaging in casual conversation as if there was no reason for either of them to feel uneasy around each other. Once he was done, he poured Mike a cup, handed him the bread, and sat down.
“Not seen much of each other lately, Mike, what?”
“Not seen much of each other lately, Mike, right?”
Mike murmured unintelligibly through a mouthful of bread-and-jam.
Mike mumbled incomprehensibly with his mouth full of bread and jam.
“It’s no good pretending it isn’t an awkward situation,” continued Bob, “because it is. Beastly awkward.”
“It’s pointless to pretend it isn’t an awkward situation,” Bob continued, “because it is. Really awkward.”
“Awful rot the pater sending us to the same school.”
“Such a hassle for Dad sending us to the same school.”
“Oh, I don’t know. We’ve all been at Wrykyn. Pity to spoil the record. It’s your fault for being such a young Infant Prodigy, and mine for not being able to field like an ordinary human being.”
“Oh, I don’t know. We’ve all been at Wrykyn. It’s a shame to mess up the record. It’s your fault for being such a young genius, and mine for not being able to play like a normal person.”
“You get on much better in the deep.”
“You do much better in the deep.”
“Bit better, yes. Liable at any moment to miss a sitter, though. Not that it matters much really whether I do now.”
"Yeah, a bit better. I might miss a sitter at any moment, though. Not that it really matters that much if I do now."
Mike stared.
Mike gazed.
“What! Why?”
“What! Why?”
“That’s what I wanted to see you about. Has Burgess said anything to you yet?”
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Has Burgess said anything to you yet?"
“No. Why? What about?”
“No. Why? About what?”
“Well, I’ve a sort of idea our little race is over. I fancy you’ve won.”
“Well, I have a feeling our little race is over. I think you’ve won.”
“I’ve not heard a word——”
"I haven't heard a thing——"
“I have. I’ll tell you what makes me think the thing’s settled. I was in the pav. just now, in the First room, trying to find a batting-glove I’d mislaid. There was a copy of the Wrykynian lying on the mantelpiece, and I picked it up and started reading it. So there wasn’t any noise to show anybody outside that there was some one in the room. And then I heard Burgess and Spence jawing on the steps. They thought the place was empty, of course. I couldn’t help hearing what they said. The pav.’s like a sounding-board. I heard every word. Spence said, ‘Well, it’s about as difficult a problem as any captain of cricket at Wrykyn has ever had to tackle.’ I had a sort of idea that old Billy liked to boss things all on his own, but apparently he does consult Spence sometimes. After all, he’s cricket-master, and that’s what he’s there for. Well, Billy said, ‘I don’t know what to do. What do you think, sir?’ Spence said, ‘Well, I’ll give you my opinion, Burgess, but don’t feel bound to act on it. I’m simply saying what I think.’ ‘Yes, sir,’ said old Bill, doing a big Young Disciple with Wise Master act. ‘I think M.,’ said Spence. ‘Decidedly M. He’s a shade better than R. now, and in a year or two, of course, there’ll be no comparison.’”
“I have. Let me tell you what makes me think the issue is settled. I was in the pavilion just now, in the First room, trying to find a batting glove I’d misplaced. There was a copy of the Wrykynian lying on the mantelpiece, and I picked it up and started reading. So there wasn’t any noise to let anyone outside know that someone was in the room. Then I heard Burgess and Spence talking on the steps. They thought the place was empty, of course. I couldn’t help but overhear what they said. The pavilion’s like a sounding board. I heard every word. Spence said, ‘Well, it’s about as difficult a problem as any cricket captain at Wrykyn has ever had to deal with.’ I had an idea that old Billy liked to handle things on his own, but apparently he does consult Spence sometimes. After all, he’s the cricket master, and that’s what he’s there for. Well, Billy said, ‘I don’t know what to do. What do you think, sir?’ Spence replied, ‘Well, I’ll give you my opinion, Burgess, but don’t feel obligated to follow it. I’m just stating what I think.’ ‘Yes, sir,’ said old Bill, doing a big Young Disciple with Wise Master act. ‘I think M.,’ said Spence. ‘Definitely M. He’s slightly better than R. now, and in a year or two, of course, there’ll be no comparison.’”
“Oh, rot,” muttered Mike, wiping the sweat off his forehead. This was one of the most harrowing interviews he had ever been through.
“Oh, come on,” muttered Mike, wiping the sweat from his forehead. This was one of the toughest interviews he had ever been through.
“Not at all. Billy agreed with him. ‘That’s just what I think, sir,’ he said. ‘It’s rough on Bob, but still——’ And then they walked down the steps. I waited a bit to give them a good start, and then sheered off myself. And so home.”
“Not at all. Billy agreed with him. ‘That’s exactly what I think, sir,’ he said. ‘It’s tough on Bob, but still——’ And then they walked down the steps. I paused for a moment to give them a good head start, and then headed off myself. And that’s how I went home.”
Mike looked at the floor, and said nothing.
Mike looked at the floor and said nothing.
There was nothing much to be said.
There wasn't much to say.
“Well, what I wanted to see you about was this,” resumed Bob. “I don’t propose to kiss you or anything; but, on the other hand, don’t let’s go to the other extreme. I’m not saying that it isn’t a bit of a brick just missing my cap like this, but it would have been just as bad for you if you’d been the one dropped. It’s the fortune of war. I don’t want you to go about feeling that you’ve blighted my life, and so on, and dashing up side-streets to avoid me because you think the sight of you will be painful. As it isn’t me, I’m jolly glad it’s you; and I shall cadge a seat in the pavilion from you when you’re playing for England at the Oval. Congratulate you.”
“Well, what I wanted to talk to you about was this,” Bob continued. “I’m not proposing to kiss you or anything, but let’s not go to the other extreme. I’m not saying it’s not a bit annoying that I missed my chance like this, but it would have been just as bad for you if you’d been the one let down. It’s just the luck of the draw. I don’t want you to walk around feeling like you’ve ruined my life or anything, and dodging down side streets to avoid me because you think seeing you will hurt. Since it’s not me, I’m really glad it’s you; and I’ll definitely be asking you for a seat in the pavilion when you’re playing for England at the Oval. Congratulations.”
It was the custom at Wrykyn, when you congratulated a man on getting colours, to shake his hand. They shook hands.
It was a tradition at Wrykyn that when you congratulated someone on earning colors, you would shake their hand. They shook hands.
“Thanks, awfully, Bob,” said Mike. And after that there seemed to be nothing much to talk about. So Mike edged out of the room, and tore across to Wain’s.
“Thanks a lot, Bob,” said Mike. After that, there didn’t seem to be much else to discuss. So Mike eased out of the room and hurried over to Wain’s.
He was sorry for Bob, but he would not have been human (which he certainly was) if the triumph of having won through at last into the first eleven had not dwarfed commiseration. It had been his one ambition, and now he had achieved it.
He felt bad for Bob, but he wouldn't have been human (which he definitely was) if the excitement of finally making it into the first eleven didn't overshadow his sympathy. It had been his one goal, and now he had accomplished it.
The annoying part of the thing was that he had nobody to talk to about it. Until the news was official he could not mention it to the common herd. It wouldn’t do. The only possible confidant was Wyatt. And Wyatt was at Bisley, shooting with the School Eight for the Ashburton. For bull’s-eyes as well as cats came within Wyatt’s range as a marksman. Cricket took up too much of his time for him to be captain of the Eight and the man chosen to shoot for the Spencer, as he would otherwise almost certainly have been; but even though short of practice he was well up in the team.
The frustrating thing was that he had no one to talk to about it. Until the news was official, he couldn’t mention it to anyone. It just wasn’t allowed. The only possible person he could confide in was Wyatt. But Wyatt was at Bisley, competing in the Ashburton with the School Eight. Wyatt was skilled enough to hit both bull’s-eyes and targets like cats. Cricket took up too much of his time for him to be captain of the Eight and also be the one chosen to shoot for the Spencer, which he would have almost certainly been; but even though he hadn’t practiced much, he was still a strong player on the team.
Until he returned, Mike could tell nobody. And by the time he returned the notice would probably be up in the Senior Block with the other cricket notices.
Until he got back, Mike couldn't tell anyone. By the time he returned, the notice would likely be posted in the Senior Block along with the other cricket notices.
In this fermenting state Mike went into the house.
In this chaotic state, Mike went into the house.
The list of the team to play for Wain’s v. Seymour’s on the following Monday was on the board. As he passed it, a few words scrawled in pencil at the bottom caught his eye.
The list of the team to play against Wain’s v. Seymour’s on the following Monday was on the board. As he passed it, a few words scribbled in pencil at the bottom caught his eye.
“All the above will turn out for house-fielding at 6.30 to-morrow morning.—W. F.-S.”
“All of the above will be ready for house-fielding at 6:30 tomorrow morning.—W. F.-S.”
“Oh, dash it,” said Mike, “what rot! Why on earth can’t he leave us alone!”
“Oh, come on,” said Mike, “what nonsense! Why can’t he just leave us alone?”
For getting up an hour before his customary time for rising was not among Mike’s favourite pastimes. Still, orders were orders, he felt. It would have to be done.
Forgetting up an hour earlier than usual wasn’t one of Mike’s favorite activities. Still, he felt that orders were orders. It needed to be done.
CHAPTER XIX
MIKE GOES TO SLEEP AGAIN
Mike was a stout supporter of the view that sleep in large quantities is good for one. He belonged to the school of thought which holds that a man becomes plain and pasty if deprived of his full spell in bed. He aimed at the peach-bloom complexion.
Mike was a firm believer that getting plenty of sleep is beneficial. He subscribed to the idea that someone can look dull and unhealthy if they don’t get enough time in bed. He aimed for a healthy, rosy complexion.
To be routed out of bed a clear hour before the proper time, even on a summer morning, was not, therefore, a prospect that appealed to him.
To be forced out of bed a whole hour before the usual time, even on a summer morning, was not something he looked forward to.
When he woke it seemed even less attractive than it had done when he went to sleep. He had banged his head on the pillow six times over-night, and this silent alarm proved effective, as it always does. Reaching out a hand for his watch, he found that it was five minutes past six.
When he woke up, it seemed even less appealing than it did when he fell asleep. He had bumped his head on the pillow six times during the night, and this silent alarm worked just like it always does. Reaching out for his watch, he discovered it was five minutes past six.
This was to the good. He could manage another quarter of an hour between the sheets. It would only take him ten minutes to wash and get into his flannels.
This was a positive thing. He could handle another fifteen minutes in bed. It would only take him ten minutes to wash up and put on his comfy clothes.
He took his quarter of an hour, and a little more. He woke from a sort of doze to find that it was twenty-five past.
He took about fifteen minutes, maybe a bit longer. He woke up from a light nap to see that it was twenty-five past.
Man’s inability to get out of bed in the morning is a curious thing. One may reason with oneself clearly and forcibly without the slightest effect. One knows that delay means inconvenience. Perhaps it may spoil one’s whole day. And one also knows that a single resolute heave will do the trick. But logic is of no use. One simply lies there.
Man's struggle to get out of bed in the morning is a strange thing. You can reason with yourself clearly and forcefully, but it has zero effect. You know that delaying means trouble. It could ruin your entire day. And you also know that just one determined push will do the job. But logic doesn’t help. You just lie there.
Mike thought he would take another minute.
Mike thought he would take another minute.
And during that minute there floated into his mind the question, Who was Firby-Smith? That was the point. Who was he, after all?
And during that minute, the question popped into his mind: Who was Firby-Smith? That was the main thing. Who was he, really?
This started quite a new train of thought. Previously Mike had firmly intended to get up—some time. Now he began to waver.
This sparked a completely new line of thinking. Before, Mike was determined to get up—eventually. Now he started to hesitate.
The more he considered the Gazeka’s insignificance and futility and his own magnificence, the more outrageous did it seem that he should be dragged out of bed to please Firby-Smith’s vapid mind. Here was he, about to receive his first eleven colours on this very day probably, being ordered about, inconvenienced—in short, put upon by a worm who had only just scraped into the third.
The more he thought about the Gazeka’s worthlessness and absurdity and his own greatness, the more ridiculous it felt that he had to get out of bed to cater to Firby-Smith’s shallow thoughts. Here he was, likely about to receive his first eleven colors that very day, being bossed around, inconvenienced—in short, burdened by a loser who had barely made it into the third.
Was this right, he asked himself. Was this proper?
Was this right, he wondered. Was this okay?
And the hands of the watch moved round to twenty to.
And the hands of the watch turned to 20 minutes to.
What was the matter with his fielding? It was all right. Make the rest of the team fag about, yes. But not a chap who, dash it all, had got his first for fielding!
What was wrong with his fielding? It was fine. Let the rest of the team struggle, sure. But not a guy who, for goodness' sake, had just gotten his first for fielding!
It was with almost a feeling of self-righteousness that Mike turned over on his side and went to sleep again.
It was with a sense of self-satisfaction that Mike rolled onto his side and fell asleep again.
And outside in the cricket-field, the massive mind of the Gazeka was filled with rage, as it was gradually borne in upon him that this was not a question of mere lateness—which, he felt, would be bad enough, for when he said six-thirty he meant six-thirty—but of actual desertion. It was time, he said to himself, that the foot of Authority was set firmly down, and the strong right hand of Justice allowed to put in some energetic work. His comments on the team’s fielding that morning were bitter and sarcastic. His eyes gleamed behind their pince-nez.
And outside on the cricket field, the huge mind of the Gazeka was filled with anger, as he slowly realized that this wasn’t just a matter of being late—which he thought was bad enough, because when he said six-thirty, he meant six-thirty—but of actual abandonment. It was time, he told himself, for the foot of Authority to come down hard, and for the strong hand of Justice to start doing some serious work. His remarks on the team’s fielding that morning were harsh and sarcastic. His eyes sparkled behind his pince-nez.
The painful interview took place after breakfast. The head of the house despatched his fag in search of Mike, and waited. He paced up and down the room like a hungry lion, adjusting his pince-nez (a thing, by the way, which lions seldom do) and behaving in other respects like a monarch of the desert. One would have felt, looking at him, that Mike, in coming to his den, was doing a deed which would make the achievement of Daniel seem in comparison like the tentative effort of some timid novice.
The uncomfortable interview happened after breakfast. The head of the house sent his assistant to find Mike and waited. He walked back and forth in the room like a hungry lion, fixing his pince-nez (something, by the way, that lions rarely do) and acting in other ways like a king of the desert. One would think that Mike, coming to his domain, was undertaking a task that made Daniel's achievements seem like the hesitant attempt of a nervous beginner.
And certainly Mike was not without qualms as he knocked at the door, and went in in response to the hoarse roar from the other side of it.
And definitely, Mike had some doubts as he knocked on the door and entered in response to the harsh shout from the other side.
Firby-Smith straightened his tie, and glared.
Firby-Smith adjusted his tie and glared.
“Young Jackson,” he said, “look here, I want to know what it all means, and jolly quick. You weren’t at house-fielding this morning. Didn’t you see the notice?”
“Young Jackson,” he said, “listen, I want to know what it's all about, and fast. You weren’t at the house-fielding this morning. Didn’t you see the notice?”
Mike admitted that he had seen the notice.
Mike admitted that he had seen the notice.
“Then you frightful kid, what do you mean by it? What?”
“Then you scary kid, what do you mean by that? What?”
Mike hesitated. Awfully embarrassing, this. His real reason for not turning up to house-fielding was that he considered himself above such things, and Firby-Smith a toothy weed. Could he give this excuse? He had not his Book of Etiquette by him at the moment, but he rather fancied not. There was no arguing against the fact that the head of the house was a toothy weed; but he felt a firm conviction that it would not be politic to say so.
Mike paused. This was really embarrassing. The truth was, he didn't show up to the house event because he thought he was too good for it, and he saw Firby-Smith as just a fake. Could he actually use that excuse? He didn't have his Book of Etiquette with him right now, but he had a feeling it was best not to go there. There was no denying that the head of the house was a phony; still, he strongly believed it wouldn't be wise to say it out loud.
Happy thought: over-slept himself.
Happy thought: he overslept.
He mentioned this.
He brought this up.
“Over-slept yourself! You must jolly well not over-sleep yourself. What do you mean by over-sleeping yourself?”
“Woke up too late! You really can't keep waking up late. What do you mean by waking up too late?”
Very trying this sort of thing.
Very challenging this kind of thing.
“What time did you wake up?”
“What time did you get up?”
“Six,” said Mike.
"Six," said Mike.
It was not according to his complicated, yet intelligible code of morality to tell lies to save himself. When others were concerned he could suppress the true and suggest the false with a face of brass.
It wasn't in his complex but understandable moral code to lie to save himself. When it came to others, he could hide the truth and imply falsehoods without flinching.
“Six!”
"Six!"
“Five past.”
"Five minutes past."
“Why didn’t you get up then?”
“Why didn’t you get up then?”
“I went to sleep again.”
"I went back to sleep."
“Oh, you went to sleep again, did you? Well, just listen to me. I’ve had my eye on you for some time, and I’ve seen it coming on. You’ve got swelled head, young man. That’s what you’ve got. Frightful swelled head. You think the place belongs to you.”
“Oh, you went to sleep again, did you? Well, just listen to me. I’ve been watching you for a while, and I’ve seen this coming. You’ve got a big ego, young man. That’s what’s going on. A seriously inflated sense of self. You think this place belongs to you.”
“I don’t,” said Mike indignantly.
“I don’t,” Mike said indignantly.
“Yes, you do,” said the Gazeka shrilly. “You think the whole frightful place belongs to you. You go siding about as if you’d bought it. Just because you’ve got your second, you think you can do what you like; turn up or not, as you please. It doesn’t matter whether I’m only in the third and you’re in the first. That’s got nothing to do with it. The point is that you’re one of the house team, and I’m captain of it, so you’ve jolly well got to turn out for fielding with the others when I think it necessary. See?”
“Yes, you do,” the Gazeka said sharply. “You think this whole awful place belongs to you. You walk around like you own it. Just because you’ve got your second, you think you can do whatever you want; show up or not, as you like. It doesn’t matter if I’m only in the third and you’re in the first. That doesn’t have anything to do with it. The point is that you’re part of the house team, and I’m the captain, so you definitely have to join the others for fielding when I think it’s necessary. Got it?”
Mike said nothing.
Mike stayed quiet.
“Do—you—see, you frightful kid?”
"Do you see, you scary kid?"
Mike remained stonily silent. The rather large grain of truth in what Firby-Smith had said had gone home, as the unpleasant truth about ourselves is apt to do; and his feelings were hurt. He was determined not to give in and say that he saw even if the head of the house invoked all the majesty of the prefects’ room to help him, as he had nearly done once before. He set his teeth, and stared at a photograph on the wall.
Mike stayed completely silent. The significant truth in what Firby-Smith said hit home, as the uncomfortable truths about ourselves often do; and his feelings were hurt. He was determined not to back down and admit he understood, even if the head of the house summoned all the authority of the prefects' room to persuade him, as he had almost done before. He clenched his teeth and focused on a photograph on the wall.
Firby-Smith’s manner became ominously calm. He produced a swagger-stick from a corner.
Firby-Smith's demeanor turned unsettlingly calm. He pulled a swagger stick from the corner.
“Do you see?” he asked again.
“Do you see?” he asked again.
Mike’s jaw set more tightly.
Mike clenched his jaw.
What one really wants here is a row of stars.
What you really want here is a row of stars.
Mike was still full of his injuries when Wyatt came back. Wyatt was worn out, but cheerful. The school had finished sixth for the Ashburton, which was an improvement of eight places on their last year’s form, and he himself had scored thirty at the two hundred and twenty-seven at the five hundred totals, which had put him in a very good humour with the world.
Mike was still dealing with his injuries when Wyatt returned. Wyatt was exhausted but in a good mood. The school had placed sixth in the Ashburton, which was an improvement of eight spots from last year's performance, and he had scored thirty out of two hundred and twenty-seven at the five hundred totals, which put him in a great mood about everything.
“Me ancient skill has not deserted me,” he said, “That’s the cats. The man who can wing a cat by moonlight can put a bullet where he likes on a target. I didn’t hit the bull every time, but that was to give the other fellows a chance. My fatal modesty has always been a hindrance to me in life, and I suppose it always will be. Well, well! And what of the old homestead? Anything happened since I went away? Me old father, is he well? Has the lost will been discovered, or is there a mortgage on the family estates? By Jove, I could do with a stoup of Malvoisie. I wonder if the moke’s gone to bed yet. I’ll go down and look. A jug of water drawn from the well in the old courtyard where my ancestors have played as children for centuries back would just about save my life.”
“Old skills haven’t left me,” he said, “That’s the cats. A man who can throw a cat by moonlight can hit a target wherever he wants. I didn’t hit the bullseye every time, but that was to give the others a chance. My annoying modesty has always held me back in life, and I guess it always will. Well, well! What about the old homestead? Has anything happened since I left? Is my old father doing well? Has the lost will been found, or is there a mortgage on the family estate? By Jove, I could use a glass of Malvoisie. I wonder if the donkey’s gone to bed yet. I’ll go down and check. A jug of water from the well in the old courtyard where my ancestors played as kids for generations would really save my life.”
He left the dormitory, and Mike began to brood over his wrongs once more.
He left the dorm, and Mike started to dwell on his grievances again.
Wyatt came back, brandishing a jug of water and a glass.
Wyatt returned, holding a jug of water and a glass.
“Oh, for a beaker full of the warm south, full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene! Have you ever tasted Hippocrene, young Jackson? Rather like ginger-beer, with a dash of raspberry-vinegar. Very heady. Failing that, water will do. A-ah!”
“Oh, for a cup full of the warm south, full of the real, the blushful Hippocrene! Have you ever tasted Hippocrene, young Jackson? It's kind of like ginger beer, with a splash of raspberry vinegar. Really intoxicating. If not, water will do. A-ah!”
He put down the glass, and surveyed Mike, who had maintained a moody silence throughout this speech.
He set down the glass and looked at Mike, who had kept a brooding silence during this whole speech.
“What’s your trouble?” he asked. “For pains in the back try Ju-jar. If it’s a broken heart, Zam-buk’s what you want. Who’s been quarrelling with you?”
“What’s bothering you?” he asked. “For back pain, try Ju-jar. If it’s a broken heart, you need Zam-buk. Who’s been arguing with you?”
“It’s only that ass Firby-Smith.”
“It’s just that jerk Firby-Smith.”
“Again! I never saw such chaps as you two. Always at it. What was the trouble this time? Call him a grinning ape again? Your passion for the truth’ll be getting you into trouble one of these days.”
“Again! I’ve never seen anyone like you two. Always at it. What was the issue this time? Did you call him a grinning ape again? Your obsession with the truth is definitely going to get you in trouble one of these days.”
“He said I stuck on side.”
“He said I was stuck on the side.”
“Why?”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
"I have no idea."
“I mean, did he buttonhole you on your way to school, and say, ‘Jackson, a word in your ear. You stick on side.’ Or did he lead up to it in any way? Did he say, ‘Talking of side, you stick it on.’ What had you been doing to him?”
“I mean, did he corner you on your way to school and say, ‘Jackson, can we talk for a sec? You always stick with this side.’ Or did he bring it up in some way? Did he say, ‘Speaking of sides, you stick with it.’ What had you done to him?”
“It was the house-fielding.”
“It was the house fielding.”
“But you can’t stick on side at house-fielding. I defy any one to. It’s too early in the morning.”
“But you can’t stay on one side during house-fielding. I challenge anyone to do that. It’s too early in the morning.”
“I didn’t turn up.”
"I didn’t show up."
“What! Why?”
“What?! Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“Oh, I’m not sure.”
“No, but, look here, really. Did you simply bunk it?”
“No, but seriously, did you really skip out on it?”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
Wyatt leaned on the end of Mike’s bed, and, having observed its occupant thoughtfully for a moment, proceeded to speak wisdom for the good of his soul.
Wyatt leaned against the end of Mike’s bed and, after observing him thoughtfully for a moment, began to share some wisdom for the benefit of his soul.
“I say, I don’t want to jaw—I’m one of those quiet chaps with strong, silent natures; you may have noticed it—but I must put in a well-chosen word at this juncture. Don’t pretend to be dropping off to sleep. Sit up and listen to what your kind old uncle’s got to say to you about manners and deportment. Otherwise, blood as you are at cricket, you’ll have a rotten time here. There are some things you simply can’t do; and one of them is bunking a thing when you’re put down for it. It doesn’t matter who it is puts you down. If he’s captain, you’ve got to obey him. That’s discipline, that ’ere is. The speaker then paused, and took a sip of water from the carafe which stood at his elbow. Cheers from the audience, and a voice ‘Hear! Hear!’”
“I mean, I don’t want to talk too much—I’m one of those quiet guys with strong, silent personalities; you might have noticed it—but I need to say a well-timed word right now. Don’t act like you’re falling asleep. Sit up and listen to what your kind old uncle has to say about manners and behavior. If not, even though you’re good at cricket, you’re going to have a tough time here. There are some things you just can’t do; and one of them is ditching something when you’ve signed up for it. It doesn’t matter who put you down for it. If he’s the captain, you have to follow his lead. That’s what discipline means. The speaker then paused and took a sip of water from the carafe next to him. Cheers from the audience, and someone shouted, ‘Hear! Hear!’”
Mike rolled over in bed and glared up at the orator. Most of his face was covered by the water-jug, but his eyes stared fixedly from above it. He winked in a friendly way, and, putting down the jug, drew a deep breath.
Mike rolled over in bed and glared up at the speaker. Most of his face was hidden by the water jug, but his eyes were fixed on Mike from above it. He winked in a friendly way, set down the jug, and took a deep breath.
“Nothing like this old ’87 water,” he said. “Such body.”
“There's nothing like this old ’87 water,” he said. “Such depth.”
“I like you jawing about discipline,” said Mike morosely.
“I like you talking about discipline,” said Mike gloomily.
“And why, my gentle che-ild, should I not talk about discipline?”
“And why, my dear child, should I not talk about discipline?”
“Considering you break out of the house nearly every night.”
“Considering you sneak out of the house almost every night.”
“In passing, rather rum when you think that a burglar would get it hot for breaking in, while I get dropped on if I break out. Why should there be one law for the burglar and one for me? But you were saying—just so. I thank you. About my breaking out. When you’re a white-haired old man like me, young Jackson, you’ll see that there are two sorts of discipline at school. One you can break if you feel like taking the risks; the other you mustn’t ever break. I don’t know why, but it isn’t done. Until you learn that, you can never hope to become the Perfect Wrykynian like,” he concluded modestly, “me.”
“In passing, it seems pretty unfair when you think about it: a burglar gets punished for breaking in, while I get in trouble if I break out. Why is there one rule for the burglar and another for me? But you were saying—right. Thanks. About my breaking out. When you’re an old man with white hair like me, young Jackson, you’ll realize there are two types of rules at school. One you can bend if you’re willing to take the risks; the other you must never break. I’m not sure why, but it’s just not done. Until you get that, you can never hope to become the Perfect Wrykynian like,” he finished modestly, “me.”
Mike made no reply. He would have perished rather than admit it, but Wyatt’s words had sunk in. That moment marked a distinct epoch in his career. His feelings were curiously mixed. He was still furious with Firby-Smith, yet at the same time he could not help acknowledging to himself that the latter had had the right on his side. He saw and approved of Wyatt’s point of view, which was the more impressive to him from his knowledge of his friend’s contempt for, or, rather, cheerful disregard of, most forms of law and order. If Wyatt, reckless though he was as regarded written school rules, held so rigid a respect for those that were unwritten, these last must be things which could not be treated lightly. That night, for the first time in his life, Mike went to sleep with a clear idea of what the public school spirit, of which so much is talked and written, really meant.
Mike didn’t say anything. He would have rather died than admit it, but Wyatt’s words had hit home. That moment marked a clear turning point in his career. His feelings were oddly mixed. He was still angry with Firby-Smith, yet he couldn’t help but acknowledge that Firby-Smith had the right on his side. He saw and respected Wyatt’s perspective, which impressed him even more given his knowledge of his friend’s disdain for or, rather, laid-back attitude toward, most forms of law and order. If Wyatt, reckless as he was with written school rules, showed such strict respect for the unwritten ones, those unwritten rules must be something not to be taken lightly. That night, for the first time in his life, Mike went to sleep with a clear understanding of what the public school spirit—about which so much is talked and written—really meant.
CHAPTER XX
THE TEAM IS FILLED UP
When Burgess, at the end of the conversation in the pavilion with Mr. Spence which Bob Jackson had overheard, accompanied the cricket-master across the field to the boarding-houses, he had distinctly made up his mind to give Mike his first eleven colours next day. There was only one more match to be played before the school fixture-list was finished. That was the match with Ripton. Both at cricket and football Ripton was the school that mattered most. Wrykyn did not always win its other school matches; but it generally did. The public schools of England divide themselves naturally into little groups, as far as games are concerned. Harrow, Eton, and Winchester are one group: Westminster and Charterhouse another: Bedford, Tonbridge, Dulwich, Haileybury, and St. Paul’s are a third. In this way, Wrykyn, Ripton, Geddington, and Wilborough formed a group. There was no actual championship competition, but each played each, and by the end of the season it was easy to see which was entitled to first place. This nearly always lay between Ripton and Wrykyn. Sometimes an exceptional Geddington team would sweep the board, or Wrykyn, having beaten Ripton, would go down before Wilborough. But this did not happen often. Usually Wilborough and Geddington were left to scramble for the wooden spoon.
When Burgess, at the end of his conversation in the pavilion with Mr. Spence, which Bob Jackson had overheard, walked with the cricket master across the field to the boarding houses, he had definitely decided to give Mike his first eleven colors the next day. There was only one more match left before the school fixture list was done. That was the match against Ripton. Both in cricket and football, Ripton was the school that mattered the most. Wrykyn didn't always win its other school matches, but it usually did. The public schools in England naturally divide into little groups when it comes to games. Harrow, Eton, and Winchester form one group; Westminster and Charterhouse another; and Bedford, Tonbridge, Dulwich, Haileybury, and St. Paul’s make up a third. In this way, Wrykyn, Ripton, Geddington, and Wilborough created a group. There was no official championship competition, but each school played the others, and by the end of the season, it was clear who deserved the top spot. This usually came down to either Ripton or Wrykyn. Sometimes an exceptional Geddington team would dominate, or Wrykyn, after defeating Ripton, would lose to Wilborough. But that didn’t happen very often. Typically, Wilborough and Geddington fought over the last place.
Secretaries of cricket at Ripton and Wrykyn always liked to arrange the date of the match towards the end of the term, so that they might take the field with representative and not experimental teams. By July the weeding-out process had generally finished. Besides which the members of the teams had had time to get into form.
Secretaries of cricket at Ripton and Wrykyn always preferred to schedule the match for the end of the term, so they could field representative teams rather than experimental ones. By July, the selection process usually wrapped up. Plus, the team members had had time to get into their groove.
At Wrykyn it was the custom to fill up the team, if possible, before the Ripton match. A player is likely to show better form if he has got his colours than if his fate depends on what he does in that particular match.
At Wrykyn, it was standard practice to finalize the team, if possible, before the Ripton match. A player is more likely to perform better if he has secured his colors than if his future relies on how he plays in that specific match.
Burgess, accordingly, had resolved to fill up the first eleven just a week before Ripton visited Wrykyn. There were two vacancies. One gave him no trouble. Neville-Smith was not a great bowler, but he was steady, and he had done well in the earlier matches. He had fairly earned his place. But the choice between Bob and Mike had kept him awake into the small hours two nights in succession. Finally he had consulted Mr. Spence, and Mr. Spence had voted for Mike.
Burgess had decided to finalize the first eleven just a week before Ripton visited Wrykyn. There were two open spots. One was easy to fill. Neville-Smith wasn’t a top bowler, but he was reliable and had performed well in previous matches. He had truly earned his spot. However, deciding between Bob and Mike had kept him up late for two nights in a row. In the end, he consulted Mr. Spence, and Mr. Spence chose Mike.
Burgess was glad the thing was settled. The temptation to allow sentiment to interfere with business might have become too strong if he had waited much longer. He knew that it would be a wrench definitely excluding Bob from the team, and he hated to have to do it. The more he thought of it, the sorrier he was for him. If he could have pleased himself, he would have kept Bob In. But, as the poet has it, “Pleasure is pleasure, and biz is biz, and kep’ in a sepyrit jug.” The first duty of a captain is to have no friends.
Burgess was relieved that it was settled. The temptation to let emotions interfere with business might have become too overwhelming if he had waited any longer. He knew it would be tough to officially take Bob out of the team, and he really didn’t want to do it. The more he thought about it, the more he felt for him. If it was up to him, he would have kept Bob on the team. But, as the poet said, “Pleasure is pleasure, and business is business, and kept in a separate jug.” A captain's first duty is to have no friends.
From small causes great events do spring. If Burgess had not picked up a particularly interesting novel after breakfast on the morning of Mike’s interview with Firby-Smith in the study, the list would have gone up on the notice-board after prayers. As it was, engrossed in his book, he let the moments go by till the sound on the bell startled him into movement. And then there was only time to gather up his cap, and sprint. The paper on which he had intended to write the list and the pen he had laid out to write it with lay untouched on the table.
From small causes, big events can happen. If Burgess hadn’t picked up a particularly interesting novel after breakfast the morning of Mike’s interview with Firby-Smith in the study, the list would have gone up on the notice board after prayers. Instead, lost in his book, he let time slip away until the sound of the bell startled him into action. Then there was only enough time to grab his cap and sprint. The paper he had meant to write the list on and the pen he had set out to use were left untouched on the table.
And, as it was not his habit to put up notices except during the morning, he postponed the thing. He could write it after tea. After all, there was a week before the match.
And since it wasn't his routine to put up notices except in the morning, he decided to hold off on it. He could write it after tea. After all, there was a whole week until the match.
When school was over, he went across to the Infirmary to inquire about Marsh. The report was more than favourable. Marsh had better not see any one just yet, in case of accident, but he was certain to be out in time to play against Ripton.
When school ended, he went over to the Infirmary to ask about Marsh. The update was very positive. Marsh shouldn't see anyone just yet to avoid any issues, but he was expected to be back in time to play against Ripton.
“Doctor Oakes thinks he will be back in school on Tuesday.”
“Doctor Oakes thinks he’ll be back in school on Tuesday.”
“Banzai!” said Burgess, feeling that life was good. To take the field against Ripton without Marsh would have been to court disaster. Marsh’s fielding alone was worth the money. With him at short slip, Burgess felt safe when he bowled.
“Banzai!” said Burgess, feeling that life was good. Taking the field against Ripton without Marsh would have been inviting disaster. Marsh’s fielding alone was worth the price. With him at short slip, Burgess felt secure when he bowled.
The uncomfortable burden of the knowledge that he was about temporarily to sour Bob Jackson’s life ceased for the moment to trouble him. He crooned extracts from musical comedy as he walked towards the nets.
The uncomfortable weight of knowing that he was about to ruin Bob Jackson’s life momentarily faded. He hummed tunes from musical theater as he walked towards the nets.
Recollection of Bob’s hard case was brought to him by the sight of that about-to-be-soured sportsman tearing across the ground in the middle distance in an effort to get to a high catch which Trevor had hit up to him. It was a difficult catch, and Burgess waited to see if he would bring it off.
Recollection of Bob’s hard case was brought to him by the sight of that about-to-be-soured sportsman racing across the field in the distance trying to catch a high ball that Trevor had hit up to him. It was a tough catch, and Burgess waited to see if he would pull it off.
Bob got to it with one hand, and held it. His impetus carried him on almost to where Burgess was standing.
Bob grabbed it with one hand and held on. His momentum almost took him all the way to where Burgess was standing.
“Well held,” said Burgess.
"Well done," said Burgess.
“Hullo,” said Bob awkwardly. A gruesome thought had flashed across his mind that the captain might think that this gallery-work was an organised advertisement.
“Hullo,” Bob said awkwardly. A terrible thought crossed his mind that the captain might think this gallery work was a planned advertisement.
“I couldn’t get both hands to it,” he explained.
“I couldn’t reach it with both hands,” he explained.
“You’re hot stuff in the deep.”
“You’re really something in the deep.”
“Easy when you’re only practising.”
“Easy when you’re just practicing.”
“I’ve just been to the Infirmary.”
“I just went to the Infirmary.”
“Oh. How’s Marsh?”
“Oh. How's Marsh doing?”
“They wouldn’t let me see him, but it’s all right. He’ll be able to play on Saturday.”
“They wouldn’t let me see him, but that’s okay. He’ll be able to play on Saturday.”
“Good,” said Bob, hoping he had said it as if he meant it. It was decidedly a blow. He was glad for the sake of the school, of course, but one has one’s personal ambitions. To the fact that Mike and not himself was the eleventh cap he had become partially resigned: but he had wanted rather badly to play against Ripton.
“Good,” Bob said, trying to sound sincere. It was definitely a disappointment. He was happy for the school, of course, but he had his own ambitions. He had somewhat come to accept that Mike, not him, was the eleventh player, but he really wanted to play against Ripton.
Burgess passed on, his mind full of Bob once more. What hard luck it was! There was he, dashing about in the sun to improve his fielding, and all the time the team was filled up. He felt as if he were playing some low trick on a pal.
Burgess moved on, his mind filled with thoughts of Bob again. What bad luck! There he was, running around in the sun to sharpen his fielding skills, and all along the team was already complete. He felt like he was pulling a fast one on a friend.
Then the Jekyll and Hyde business completed itself. He suppressed his personal feelings, and became the cricket captain again.
Then the Jekyll and Hyde situation played out completely. He pushed down his personal emotions and took on the role of cricket captain once more.
It was the cricket captain who, towards the end of the evening, came upon Firby-Smith and Mike parting at the conclusion of a conversation. That it had not been a friendly conversation would have been evident to the most casual observer from the manner in which Mike stumped off, swinging his cricket-bag as if it were a weapon of offence. There are many kinds of walk. Mike’s was the walk of the Overwrought Soul.
It was the cricket captain who, towards the end of the evening, found Firby-Smith and Mike saying goodbye after a conversation. It was clear to even the most casual observer that it hadn’t been a friendly chat, evident from the way Mike stormed off, swinging his cricket bag as if it were a weapon. There are many types of walks. Mike’s was the walk of an Overwrought Soul.
“What’s up?” inquired Burgess.
“What's up?” asked Burgess.
“Young Jackson, do you mean? Oh, nothing. I was only telling him that there was going to be house-fielding to-morrow before breakfast.”
“Young Jackson, is that what you mean? Oh, it’s nothing. I was just telling him that there’s going to be house-fielding tomorrow before breakfast.”
“Didn’t he like the idea?”
“Didn’t he like it?”
“He’s jolly well got to like it,” said the Gazeka, as who should say, “This way for Iron Wills.” “The frightful kid cut it this morning. There’ll be worse trouble if he does it again.”
“He's really got to like it,” said the Gazeka, as if to say, “This way for Iron Wills.” “The annoying kid skipped out this morning. There’ll be more trouble if he does it again.”
There was, it may be mentioned, not an ounce of malice in the head of Wain’s house. That by telling the captain of cricket that Mike had shirked fielding-practice he might injure the latter’s prospects of a first eleven cap simply did not occur to him. That Burgess would feel, on being told of Mike’s slackness, much as a bishop might feel if he heard that a favourite curate had become a Mahometan or a Mumbo-Jumboist, did not enter his mind. All he considered was that the story of his dealings with Mike showed him, Firby-Smith, in the favourable and dashing character of the fellow-who-will-stand-no-nonsense, a sort of Captain Kettle on dry land, in fact; and so he proceeded to tell it in detail.
There wasn’t a bit of malice in Wain’s house. The thought that telling the cricket captain that Mike had skipped fielding practice might hurt Mike’s chances of making the first team didn’t even cross his mind. He didn’t consider that Burgess would feel about Mike’s lack of effort the same way a bishop might feel if he found out a favorite curate had converted to Islam or followed some other strange beliefs. All he thought about was that the story of his interactions with Mike made him, Firby-Smith, look good and bold, like the kind of guy who won’t put up with nonsense—a sort of Captain Kettle on dry land; and so he went ahead and shared the whole thing in detail.
Burgess parted with him with the firm conviction that Mike was a young slacker. Keenness in fielding was a fetish with him; and to cut practice struck him as a crime.
Burgess left him with the strong belief that Mike was just a young slacker. He was obsessed with fielding, and skipping practice felt like a serious offense to him.
He felt that he had been deceived in Mike.
He felt that he had been tricked by Mike.
When, therefore, one takes into consideration his private bias in favour of Bob, and adds to it the reaction caused by this sudden unmasking of Mike, it is not surprising that the list Burgess made out that night before he went to bed differed in an important respect from the one he had intended to write before school.
When you think about his personal bias towards Bob and consider the reaction from suddenly discovering Mike's true self, it's not surprising that the list Burgess made that night before going to bed was different in a significant way from the one he had planned to write before school.
Mike happened to be near the notice-board when he pinned it up. It was only the pleasure of seeing his name down in black-and-white that made him trouble to look at the list. Bob’s news of the day before yesterday had made it clear how that list would run.
Mike was nearby the notice board when he pinned it up. It was just the thrill of seeing his name in print that made him bother to check the list. Bob's news from the day before yesterday had made it obvious how that list would look.
The crowd that collected the moment Burgess had walked off carried him right up to the board.
The crowd that gathered as soon as Burgess walked off lifted him all the way to the board.
He looked at the paper.
He glanced at the paper.
“Hard luck!” said somebody.
“Bad luck!” said somebody.
Mike scarcely heard him.
Mike barely heard him.
He felt physically sick with the shock of the disappointment. For the initial before the name Jackson was R.
He felt physically ill from the shock of the disappointment. Before the name Jackson, it was R.
There was no possibility of mistake. Since writing was invented, there had never been an R. that looked less like an M. than the one on that list.
There was no chance of getting it wrong. Since writing was invented, there had never been an R. that looked less like an M. than the one on that list.
Bob had beaten him on the tape.
Bob had crossed the finish line before him.
CHAPTER XXI
MARJORY THE FRANK
At the door of the senior block Burgess, going out, met Bob coming in, hurrying, as he was rather late.
At the entrance of the senior block, Burgess ran into Bob, who was rushing in since he was running late.
“Congratulate you, Bob,” he said; and passed on.
“Congratulations, Bob,” he said; and moved on.
Bob stared after him. As he stared, Trevor came out of the block.
Bob watched him leave. As he watched, Trevor stepped out of the block.
“Congratulate you, Bob.”
"Congratulations, Bob."
“What’s the matter now?”
"What's wrong now?"
“Haven’t you seen?”
"Have you not seen?"
“Seen what?”
"What did you see?"
“Why the list. You’ve got your first.”
“Why the list? You have your first.”
“My—what? you’re rotting.”
“My—what? You’re decomposing.”
“No, I’m not. Go and look.”
“No, I’m not. Go check for yourself.”
The thing seemed incredible. Had he dreamed that conversation between Spence and Burgess on the pavilion steps? Had he mixed up the names? He was certain that he had heard Spence give his verdict for Mike, and Burgess agree with him.
The situation felt unbelievable. Did he really dream that conversation between Spence and Burgess on the pavilion steps? Had he confused their names? He was sure he had heard Spence express his support for Mike, and Burgess agree with him.
Just then, Mike, feeling very ill, came down the steps. He caught sight of Bob and was passing with a feeble grin, when something told him that this was one of those occasions on which one has to show a Red Indian fortitude and stifle one’s private feelings.
Just then, Mike, feeling really sick, came down the steps. He saw Bob and was walking by with a weak smile when something made him realize that this was one of those times when you have to show strong, brave determination and suppress your own feelings.
“Congratulate you, Bob,” he said awkwardly.
“Congrats, Bob,” he said awkwardly.
“Thanks awfully,” said Bob, with equal awkwardness. Trevor moved on, delicately. This was no place for him. Bob’s face was looking like a stuffed frog’s, which was Bob’s way of trying to appear unconcerned and at his ease, while Mike seemed as if at any moment he might burst into tears. Spectators are not wanted at these awkward interviews.
“Thanks a lot,” Bob said, just as awkwardly. Trevor shifted away gently. This wasn’t a place for him. Bob’s face looked like a stuffed frog’s, which was his way of trying to seem chill and relaxed, while Mike looked like he might cry at any moment. Spectators aren’t welcome at these uncomfortable conversations.
There was a short silence.
There was a brief silence.
“Jolly glad you’ve got it,” said Mike.
“Really glad you got it,” said Mike.
“I believe there’s a mistake. I swear I heard Burgess say to Spence——”
“I think there’s a mistake. I promise I heard Burgess say to Spence——”
“He changed his mind probably. No reason why he shouldn’t.”
“He probably changed his mind. There’s no reason he shouldn’t.”
“Well, it’s jolly rummy.”
"Well, it’s really confusing."
Bob endeavoured to find consolation.
Bob tried to find comfort.
“Anyhow, you’ll have three years in the first. You’re a cert. for next year.”
“Anyway, you’ll have three years in the first. You’re definitely set for next year.”
“Hope so,” said Mike, with such manifest lack of enthusiasm that Bob abandoned this line of argument. When one has missed one’s colours, next year seems a very, very long way off.
“Hope so,” said Mike, with such clear lack of enthusiasm that Bob dropped this line of argument. When you've missed your chance, next year feels really, really far away.
They moved slowly through the cloisters, neither speaking, and up the stairs that led to the Great Hall. Each was gratefully conscious of the fact that prayers would be beginning in another minute, putting an end to an uncomfortable situation.
They moved slowly through the cloisters, not saying a word, and up the stairs that led to the Great Hall. Each was relieved to realize that prayers would start in another minute, bringing an end to an awkward situation.
“Heard from home lately?” inquired Mike.
"Have you heard from home lately?" Mike asked.
Bob snatched gladly at the subject.
Bob gladly grabbed onto the subject.
“Got a letter from mother this morning. I showed you the last one, didn’t I? I’ve only just had time to skim through this one, as the post was late, and I only got it just as I was going to dash across to school. Not much in it. Here it is, if you want to read it.”
“Got a letter from my mom this morning. I showed you the last one, right? I just had time to skim through this one since the mail was late, and I got it just as I was about to rush to school. Not much in it. Here it is, if you want to read it.”
“Thanks. It’ll be something to do during Math.”
“Thanks. It’ll be something to do during math class.”
“Marjory wrote, too, for the first time in her life. Haven’t had time to look at it yet.”
“Marjory wrote, too, for the first time in her life. Haven’t had a chance to read it yet.”
“After you. Sure it isn’t meant for me? She owes me a letter.”
“After you. Are you sure it’s not meant for me? She owes me a letter.”
“No, it’s for me all right. I’ll give it you in the interval.”
“No, it’s definitely for me. I’ll give it to you during the break.”
The arrival of the headmaster put an end to the conversation.
The headmaster's arrival ended the conversation.
By a quarter to eleven Mike had begun to grow reconciled to his fate. The disappointment was still there, but it was lessened. These things are like kicks on the shin. A brief spell of agony, and then a dull pain of which we are not always conscious unless our attention is directed to it, and which in time disappears altogether. When the bell rang for the interval that morning, Mike was, as it were, sitting up and taking nourishment.
By 10:45, Mike had started to come to terms with his situation. The disappointment was still present, but it had diminished. These experiences are like getting kicked in the shin. There's a moment of sharp pain, followed by a lingering ache that we often don't notice unless we focus on it, and eventually it fades away completely. When the bell rang for the break that morning, Mike was, in a sense, picking himself up and moving forward.
He was doing this in a literal as well as in a figurative sense when Bob entered the school shop.
He was doing this both literally and figuratively when Bob walked into the school shop.
Bob appeared curiously agitated. He looked round, and, seeing Mike, pushed his way towards him through the crowd. Most of those present congratulated him as he passed; and Mike noticed, with some surprise, that, in place of the blushful grin which custom demands from the man who is being congratulated on receipt of colours, there appeared on his face a worried, even an irritated look. He seemed to have something on his mind.
Bob looked pretty agitated. He glanced around and, spotting Mike, made his way through the crowd towards him. Most people congratulated him as he went by, and Mike was a bit surprised to see that instead of the usual bashful smile that a guy gets when he’s being congratulated for receiving colors, Bob had a worried, even irritated expression. He seemed to be preoccupied with something.
“Hullo,” said Mike amiably. “Got that letter?”
“Hello,” said Mike cheerfully. “Did you get that letter?”
“Yes. I’ll show it you outside.”
“Yes. I’ll show it to you outside.”
“Why not here?”
“Why not here?”
“Come on.”
"Let's go."
Mike resented the tone, but followed. Evidently something had happened to upset Bob seriously. As they went out on the gravel, somebody congratulated Bob again, and again Bob hardly seemed to appreciate it.
Mike didn't like the tone, but went along with it. Clearly, something had really upset Bob. As they stepped onto the gravel, someone congratulated Bob once more, and once again, Bob barely seemed to acknowledge it.
Bob led the way across the gravel and on to the first terrace. When they had left the crowd behind, he stopped.
Bob took the lead across the gravel and onto the first terrace. Once they had left the crowd behind, he stopped.
“What’s up?” asked Mike.
"What's up?" asked Mike.
“I want you to read——”
“I want you to read—”
“Jackson!”
“Hey, Jackson!”
They both turned. The headmaster was standing on the edge of the gravel.
They both turned. The headmaster was standing at the edge of the gravel.
Bob pushed the letter into Mike’s hands.
Bob handed the letter to Mike.
“Read that,” he said, and went up to the headmaster. Mike heard the words “English Essay,” and, seeing that the conversation was apparently going to be one of some length, capped the headmaster and walked off. He was just going to read the letter when the bell rang. He put the missive in his pocket, and went to his form-room wondering what Marjory could have found to say to Bob to touch him on the raw to such an extent. She was a breezy correspondent, with a style of her own, but usually she entertained rather than upset people. No suspicion of the actual contents of the letter crossed his mind.
“Read this,” he said, and walked over to the headmaster. Mike caught the words “English Essay,” and since it seemed like their conversation would last a while, he capped the headmaster and walked away. He was about to read the letter when the bell rang. He slipped the letter into his pocket and headed to his form room, wondering what Marjory could have said to Bob that would upset him so much. She was a lively writer with her own unique style, but she usually made people laugh rather than upset them. He didn’t even consider what the actual contents of the letter might be.
He read it during school, under the desk; and ceased to wonder. Bob had had cause to look worried. For the thousand and first time in her career of crime Marjory had been and done it! With a strong hand she had shaken the cat out of the bag, and exhibited it plainly to all whom it might concern.
He read it at school, hiding it under the desk, and stopped wondering. Bob had every reason to be worried. For the thousand and first time in her life of crime, Marjory had done it again! She had firmly shaken the secrets out of the bag and revealed it clearly to everyone affected.
There was a curious absence of construction about the letter. Most authors of sensational matter nurse their bomb-shell, lead up to it, and display it to the best advantage. Marjory dropped hers into the body of the letter, and let it take its chance with the other news-items.
There was a strange lack of buildup in the letter. Most writers of sensational content build up to their big reveal, highlighting it in the best way possible. Marjory just inserted hers into the main part of the letter and let it compete with the other bits of news.
“DEAR BOB” (the letter ran),—
“DEAR BOB,” the letter read,—
“I hope you are quite well. I am quite well. Phyllis has a cold, Ella cheeked Mademoiselle yesterday, and had to write out ‘Little Girls must be polite and obedient’ a hundred times in French. She was jolly sick about it. I told her it served her right. Joe made eighty-three against Lancashire. Reggie made a duck. Have you got your first? If you have, it will be all through Mike. Uncle John told Father that Mike pretended to hurt his wrist so that you could play instead of him for the school, and Father said it was very sporting of Mike but nobody must tell you because it wouldn’t be fair if you got your first for you to know that you owed it to Mike and I wasn’t supposed to hear but I did because I was in the room only they didn’t know I was (we were playing hide-and-seek and I was hiding) so I’m writing to tell you,
“I hope you're doing well. I’m doing well. Phyllis has a cold, and Ella cheeked Mademoiselle yesterday, so she had to write out ‘Little Girls must be polite and obedient’ a hundred times in French. She was really upset about it. I told her she deserved it. Joe scored eighty-three against Lancashire. Reggie got a duck. Have you gotten your first? If you have, it will definitely be thanks to Mike. Uncle John told Dad that Mike pretended to hurt his wrist so you could play instead of him for the school team, and Dad said it was very sporting of Mike, but no one should tell you because it wouldn’t be fair for you to know that you owe it to Mike, and I wasn't supposed to hear, but I did because I was in the room; they just didn’t know I was there (we were playing hide-and-seek and I was hiding), so I’m writing to tell you,"
“From your affectionate sister
"From your loving sister"
“Marjory.”
"Marjory."
There followed a P.S.
Then there was a P.S.
“I’ll tell you what you ought to do. I’ve been reading a jolly good book called ‘The Boys of Dormitory Two,’ and the hero’s an awfully nice boy named Lionel Tremayne, and his friend Jack Langdale saves his life when a beast of a boatman who’s really employed by Lionel’s cousin who wants the money that Lionel’s going to have when he grows up stuns him and leaves him on the beach to drown. Well, Lionel is going to play for the school against Loamshire, and it’s the match of the season, but he goes to the headmaster and says he wants Jack to play instead of him. Why don’t you do that?
“I’ll tell you what you should do. I’ve been reading a really great book called ‘The Boys of Dormitory Two,’ and the main character is a really nice guy named Lionel Tremayne. His friend Jack Langdale saves his life when a terrible boatman, who’s actually working for Lionel’s cousin—who wants the money that Lionel will inherit when he grows up—stuns him and leaves him on the beach to drown. Well, Lionel is set to play for the school against Loamshire, and it’s the big match of the season, but he goes to the headmaster and says he wants Jack to play instead of him. Why don’t you do that?
“M.
M.
“P.P.S.—This has been a frightful fag to write.”
“P.P.S.—This has been a terrible struggle to write.”
For the life of him Mike could not help giggling as he pictured what Bob’s expression must have been when his brother read this document. But the humorous side of the thing did not appeal to him for long. What should he say to Bob? What would Bob say to him? Dash it all, it made him look such an awful ass! Anyhow, Bob couldn’t do much. In fact he didn’t see that he could do anything. The team was filled up, and Burgess was not likely to alter it. Besides, why should he alter it? Probably he would have given Bob his colours anyhow. Still, it was beastly awkward. Marjory meant well, but she had put her foot right in it. Girls oughtn’t to meddle with these things. No girl ought to be taught to write till she came of age. And Uncle John had behaved in many respects like the Complete Rotter. If he was going to let out things like that, he might at least have whispered them, or looked behind the curtains to see that the place wasn’t chock-full of female kids. Confound Uncle John!
For the life of him, Mike couldn't stop giggling as he imagined what Bob's face must have looked like when his brother read this document. But the funny side didn't stay appealing for long. What should he say to Bob? What would Bob say to him? Damn it, it made him look like such an awful ass! Anyway, Bob couldn’t do much. In fact, he didn’t think there was anything he could do. The team was already full, and Burgess wasn’t likely to change it. Besides, why should he? He would probably have given Bob his colors anyway. Still, it was really awkward. Marjory meant well, but she completely messed up. Girls shouldn’t get involved in these things. No girl should be taught to write until she’s of age. And Uncle John had acted like a total jerk in many ways. If he was going to leak things like that, he could at least have whispered or checked behind the curtains to make sure the place wasn’t packed with girls. Damn Uncle John!
Throughout the dinner-hour Mike kept out of Bob’s way. But in a small community like a school it is impossible to avoid a man for ever. They met at the nets.
Throughout dinner, Mike stayed out of Bob’s way. But in a small community like a school, it’s impossible to avoid someone forever. They ran into each other at the nets.
“Well?” said Bob.
"Well?" said Bob.
“How do you mean?” said Mike.
“How do you mean?” Mike asked.
“Did you read it?”
"Have you read it?"
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“Well, is it all rot, or did you—you know what I mean—sham a crocked wrist?”
“Well, is it all nonsense, or did you—you know what I mean—fake an injured wrist?”
“Yes,” said Mike, “I did.”
“Yes,” Mike replied, “I did.”
Bob stared gloomily at his toes.
Bob looked sadly at his toes.
“I mean,” he said at last, apparently putting the finishing-touch to some train of thought, “I know I ought to be grateful, and all that. I suppose I am. I mean it was jolly good of you—Dash it all,” he broke off hotly, as if the putting his position into words had suddenly showed him how inglorious it was, “what did you want to do it for? What was the idea? What right have you got to go about playing Providence over me? Dash it all, it’s like giving a fellow money without consulting him.”
“I mean,” he finally said, apparently wrapping up some train of thought, “I know I should be grateful and all that. I guess I am. I mean, it was really generous of you—Damn it,” he broke off angrily, as if putting his feelings into words had suddenly revealed how unremarkable his situation was, “why did you want to do it for? What was the point? What right do you have to act like you’re in charge of my life? Damn it, it’s like giving someone money without asking them.”
“I didn’t think you’d ever know. You wouldn’t have if only that ass Uncle John hadn’t let it out.”
“I didn’t think you’d ever find out. You wouldn’t have if that jerk Uncle John hadn’t spilled it.”
“How did he get to know? Why did you tell him?”
“How did he find out? Why did you tell him?”
“He got it out of me. I couldn’t choke him off. He came down when you were away at Geddington, and would insist on having a look at my arm, and naturally he spotted right away there was nothing the matter with it. So it came out; that’s how it was.”
“He got it out of me. I couldn’t shut him down. He came over when you were away in Geddington and insisted on looking at my arm, and of course, he immediately saw that there was nothing wrong with it. So I ended up telling him; that’s how it went.”
Bob scratched thoughtfully at the turf with a spike of his boot.
Bob thoughtfully scratched at the ground with a spike on his boot.
“Of course, it was awfully decent——”
“Of course, it was really nice——”
Then again the monstrous nature of the affair came home to him.
Then again, the shocking reality of the situation hit him.
“But what did you do it for? Why should you rot up your own chances to give me a look in?”
“But what did you do it for? Why would you ruin your own chances to give me a chance?”
“Oh, I don’t know.... You know, you did me a jolly good turn.”
“Oh, I don’t know.... You know, you did me a really nice favor.”
“I don’t remember. When?”
"I don't remember. When was that?"
“That Firby-Smith business.”
“That Firby-Smith thing.”
“What about it?”
"What’s up with that?"
“Well, you got me out of a jolly bad hole.”
“Well, you got me out of a really bad situation.”
“Oh, rot! And do you mean to tell me it was simply because of that——?”
“Oh, come on! Are you really saying it was just because of that——?”
Mike appeared to him in a totally new light. He stared at him as if he were some strange creature hitherto unknown to the human race. Mike shuffled uneasily beneath the scrutiny.
Mike looked completely different to him. He stared at him like he was some weird being that had never been seen by humans before. Mike shifted uncomfortably under the gaze.
“Anyhow, it’s all over now,” Mike said, “so I don’t see what’s the point of talking about it.”
“Anyway, it’s all over now,” Mike said, “so I don’t see what the point of discussing it is.”
“I’m hanged if it is. You don’t think I’m going to sit tight and take my first as if nothing had happened?”
“I'll be damned if it is. You really think I'm just going to sit here and act like nothing happened?”
“What can you do? The list’s up. Are you going to the Old Man to ask him if I can play, like Lionel Tremayne?”
“What can you do? The list’s up. Are you going to the Old Man to ask him if I can play, like Lionel Tremayne?”
The hopelessness of the situation came over Bob like a wave. He looked helplessly at Mike.
The hopelessness of the situation hit Bob like a wave. He looked helplessly at Mike.
“Besides,” added Mike, “I shall get in next year all right. Half a second, I just want to speak to Wyatt about something.”
“Besides,” added Mike, “I’ll definitely get in next year. Just a second, I want to talk to Wyatt about something.”
He sidled off.
He sneaked away.
“Well, anyhow,” said Bob to himself, “I must see Burgess about it.”
“Well, anyway,” Bob said to himself, “I need to talk to Burgess about it.”
CHAPTER XXII
WYATT IS REMINDED OF AN ENGAGEMENT
There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realises this, and slides out of such situations, admitting himself beaten. Others try to grapple with them, but it never does any good. When affairs get into a real tangle, it is best to sit still and let them straighten themselves out. Or, if one does not do that, simply to think no more about them. This is Philosophy. The true philosopher is the man who says “All right,” and goes to sleep in his arm-chair. One’s attitude towards Life’s Little Difficulties should be that of the gentleman in the fable, who sat down on an acorn one day, and happened to doze. The warmth of his body caused the acorn to germinate, and it grew so rapidly that, when he awoke, he found himself sitting in the fork of an oak, sixty feet from the ground. He thought he would go home, but, finding this impossible, he altered his plans. “Well, well,” he said, “if I cannot compel circumstances to my will, I can at least adapt my will to circumstances. I decide to remain here.” Which he did, and had a not unpleasant time. The oak lacked some of the comforts of home, but the air was splendid and the view excellent.
There are situations in life that are out of our control. A wise person understands this and steps back, acknowledging defeat. Others struggle against them, but it rarely helps. When things get really tangled, it's best to just sit back and let them sort themselves out. Or, if one chooses not to do that, simply to stop worrying about them. This is Philosophy. The true philosopher is the person who says “Alright,” and falls asleep in their armchair. One’s approach to Life’s Little Difficulties should be like that of the gentleman in the fable, who sat down on an acorn one day and happened to doze off. The heat from his body made the acorn sprout, and it grew so quickly that when he woke up, he found himself sitting in the fork of an oak tree, sixty feet off the ground. He thought about going home, but realizing that was impossible, he changed his plans. “Well, well,” he said, “if I can’t force circumstances to bend to my will, I can at least adjust my will to the circumstances. I choose to stay here.” And he did, and it turned out to be quite pleasant. The oak didn't have all the comforts of home, but the air was great and the view was fantastic.
To-day’s Great Thought for Young Readers. Imitate this man.
To day’s Great Thought for Young Readers. Imitate this person.
Bob should have done so, but he had not the necessary amount of philosophy. He still clung to the idea that he and Burgess, in council, might find some way of making things right for everybody. Though, at the moment, he did not see how eleven caps were to be divided amongst twelve candidates in such a way that each should have one.
Bob should have done that, but he didn’t have enough insight. He still held onto the belief that he and Burgess, together, could figure out a solution that worked for everyone. However, at that moment, he couldn't see how to distribute eleven caps among twelve candidates so that each one would get a cap.
And Burgess, consulted on the point, confessed to the same inability to solve the problem. It took Bob at least a quarter of an hour to get the facts of the case into the captain’s head, but at last Burgess grasped the idea of the thing. At which period he remarked that it was a rum business.
And Burgess, who was asked about it, admitted that he also couldn’t figure out the problem. It took Bob at least fifteen minutes to explain the details of the case to the captain, but eventually, Burgess understood the situation. At that point, he said that it was a strange situation.
“Very rum,” Bob agreed. “Still, what you say doesn’t help us out much, seeing that the point is, what’s to be done?”
“Very strange,” Bob agreed. “Still, what you say doesn’t really help us, considering the issue is, what should we do?”
“Why do anything?”
"Why do anything at all?"
Burgess was a philosopher, and took the line of least resistance, like the man in the oak-tree.
Burgess was a philosopher and chose the path of least resistance, like the guy in the oak tree.
“But I must do something,” said Bob. “Can’t you see how rotten it is for me?”
“But I have to do something,” said Bob. “Can’t you see how terrible this is for me?”
“I don’t see why. It’s not your fault. Very sporting of your brother and all that, of course, though I’m blowed if I’d have done it myself; but why should you do anything? You’re all right. Your brother stood out of the team to let you in it, and here you are, in it. What’s he got to grumble about?”
“I don’t get it. It’s not your fault. It was really generous of your brother and everything, but honestly, I wouldn’t have done it myself; but why should you have to do anything? You're fine. Your brother sat out of the team to make room for you, and now you are on it. What does he have to complain about?”
“He’s not grumbling. It’s me.”
"He's not complaining. I am."
“What’s the matter with you? Don’t you want your first?”
“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want your first?”
“Not like this. Can’t you see what a rotten position it is for me?”
“Not like this. Can’t you see what a terrible situation this is for me?”
“Don’t you worry. You simply keep on saying you’re all right. Besides, what do you want me to do? Alter the list?”
“Don’t worry. Just keep saying you’re fine. Besides, what do you want me to do? Change the list?”
But for the thought of those unspeakable outsiders, Lionel Tremayne and his headmaster, Bob might have answered this question in the affirmative; but he had the public-school boy’s terror of seeming to pose or do anything theatrical. He would have done a good deal to put matters right, but he could not do the self-sacrificing young hero business. It would not be in the picture. These things, if they are to be done at school, have to be carried through stealthily, after Mike’s fashion.
But if it weren't for the thought of those unbearable outsiders, Lionel Tremayne and his headmaster, Bob might have answered this question yes; but he had the typical public school boy’s fear of looking like he was trying too hard or doing anything over the top. He would have done quite a bit to set things straight, but he could not pull off the self-sacrificing young hero act. That just wouldn't fit. These things, if they're going to happen at school, have to be done quietly, like Mike would do it.
“I suppose you can’t very well, now it’s up. Tell you what, though, I don’t see why I shouldn’t stand out of the team for the Ripton match. I could easily fake up some excuse.”
“I guess you can't really, now that it’s happening. But you know what? I don’t see why I shouldn’t sit out the Ripton match. I could easily come up with an excuse.”
“I do. I don’t know if it’s occurred to you, but the idea is rather to win the Ripton match, if possible. So that I’m a lot keen on putting the best team into the field. Sorry if it upsets your arrangements in any way.”
“I do. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but the goal is really to win the Ripton match, if we can. So, I’m very focused on putting the best team on the field. Sorry if that messes up your plans in any way.”
“You know perfectly well Mike’s every bit as good as me.”
“You know just as well as I do that Mike is every bit as good as I am.”
“He isn’t so keen.”
“He's not that interested.”
“What do you mean?”
"What do you mean by that?"
“Fielding. He’s a young slacker.”
"Fielding. He's a young slacker."
When Burgess had once labelled a man as that, he did not readily let the idea out of his mind.
When Burgess labeled someone like that, he didn't easily change his mind.
“Slacker? What rot! He’s as keen as anything.”
“Slacker? What nonsense! He’s really eager.”
“Anyhow, his keenness isn’t enough to make him turn out for house-fielding. If you really want to know, that’s why you’ve got your first instead of him. You sweated away, and improved your fielding twenty per cent.; and I happened to be talking to Firby-Smith and found that young Mike had been shirking his, so out he went. A bad field’s bad enough, but a slack field wants skinning.”
“Anyway, his enthusiasm isn’t enough to get him to join house-fielding. If you really want to know, that’s why you got your first instead of him. You worked hard and improved your fielding by twenty percent, and I happened to be talking to Firby-Smith and found out that young Mike had been avoiding his duties, so he was out. A bad fielder is bad enough, but a lazy fielder really needs to be called out.”
“Smith oughtn’t to have told you.”
“Smith shouldn't have said that.”
“Well, he did tell me. So you see how it is. There won’t be any changes from the team I’ve put up on the board.”
“Well, he did tell me. So you see how it is. There won’t be any changes from the team I’ve put up on the board.”
“Oh, all right,” said Bob. “I was afraid you mightn’t be able to do anything. So long.”
“Oh, fine,” said Bob. “I was worried you might not be able to do anything. See you later.”
“Mind the step,” said Burgess.
"Watch your step," said Burgess.
At about the time when this conversation was in progress, Wyatt, crossing the cricket-field towards the school shop in search of something fizzy that might correct a burning thirst acquired at the nets, espied on the horizon a suit of cricket flannels surmounted by a huge, expansive grin. As the distance between them lessened, he discovered that inside the flannels was Neville-Smith’s body and behind the grin the rest of Neville-Smith’s face. Their visit to the nets not having coincided in point of time, as the Greek exercise books say, Wyatt had not seen his friend since the list of the team had been posted on the board, so he proceeded to congratulate him on his colours.
At around the time this conversation was happening, Wyatt was crossing the cricket field toward the school shop looking for something fizzy to quench the burning thirst he had gotten from practice. In the distance, he spotted a cricket uniform topped off by a big, cheerful grin. As he got closer, he realized that the flannels belonged to Neville-Smith, and behind that grin was the rest of Neville-Smith's face. Since they hadn't practiced together recently, as the Greek exercise books would say, Wyatt hadn't seen his friend since the team list was posted, so he went ahead to congratulate him on his colors.
“Thanks,” said Neville-Smith, with a brilliant display of front teeth.
“Thanks,” said Neville-Smith, with a bright smile showing off his teeth.
“Feeling good?”
"How are you feeling?"
“Not the word for it. I feel like—I don’t know what.”
“Not the right word for it. I feel like—I don’t know what.”
“I’ll tell you what you look like, if that’s any good to you. That slight smile of yours will meet behind, if you don’t look out, and then the top of your head’ll come off.”
“I’ll tell you what you look like, if that helps you at all. That little smile of yours will turn into something else if you’re not careful, and then the top of your head will blow off.”
“I don’t care. I’ve got my first, whatever happens. Little Willie’s going to buy a nice new cap and a pretty striped jacket all for his own self! I say, thanks for reminding me. Not that you did, but supposing you had. At any rate, I remember what it was I wanted to say to you. You know what I was saying to you about the bust I meant to have at home in honour of my getting my first, if I did, which I have—well, anyhow it’s to-night. You can roll up, can’t you?”
“I don’t care. I’ve got my first, no matter what. Little Willie’s going to buy a nice new cap and a cool striped jacket just for himself! I say, thanks for the reminder. Not that you did, but just in case you had. Anyway, I remember what I wanted to tell you. You know how I was talking about the bust I wanted to have at home to celebrate getting my first, if I did, which I have—well, it’s tonight. You can make it, right?”
“Delighted. Anything for a free feed in these hard times. What time did you say it was?”
“Happy to help. Anything for a free meal in these tough times. What time did you say it was?”
“Eleven. Make it a bit earlier, if you like.”
“Eleven. Feel free to make it a little earlier, if you want.”
“No, eleven’ll do me all right.”
“No, eleven will be just fine for me.”
“How are you going to get out?”
“How are you planning to get out?”
“‘Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.’ That’s what the man said who wrote the libretto for the last set of Latin Verses we had to do. I shall manage it.”
“‘Stone walls don’t make a prison, nor do iron bars make a cage.’ That’s what the guy said who wrote the libretto for the last set of Latin verses we had to do. I’ll handle it.”
“They ought to allow you a latch-key.”
“They should give you a key.”
“Yes, I’ve often thought of asking my pater for one. Still, I get on very well. Who are coming besides me?”
“Yes, I’ve thought about asking my dad for one. Still, I manage just fine. Who else is coming besides me?”
“No boarders. They all funked it.”
“No boarders. They all left.”
“The race is degenerating.”
“The race is falling apart.”
“Said it wasn’t good enough.”
“Claimed it wasn’t good enough.”
“The school is going to the dogs. Who did you ask?”
“The school is going downhill. Who did you ask?”
“Clowes was one. Said he didn’t want to miss his beauty-sleep. And Henfrey backed out because he thought the risk of being sacked wasn’t good enough.”
“Clowes was one. He said he didn’t want to miss his beauty sleep. And Henfrey backed out because he thought the risk of getting fired wasn’t worth it.”
“That’s an aspect of the thing that might occur to some people. I don’t blame him—I might feel like that myself if I’d got another couple of years at school.”
“That’s something some people might think about. I don't blame him—I might feel the same way if I had a couple more years in school.”
“But one or two day-boys are coming. Clephane is, for one. And Beverley. We shall have rather a rag. I’m going to get the things now.”
“But one or two day students are coming. Clephane is one of them. And Beverley. It should be quite fun. I’m going to grab the things now.”
“When I get to your place—I don’t believe I know the way, now I come to think of it—what do I do? Ring the bell and send in my card? or smash the nearest window and climb in?”
“When I get to your place—I don't think I know the way, now that I think about it—what should I do? Ring the bell and hand in my card? Or break the nearest window and climb in?”
“Don’t make too much row, for goodness sake. All the servants’ll have gone to bed. You’ll see the window of my room. It’s just above the porch. It’ll be the only one lighted up. Heave a pebble at it, and I’ll come down.”
“Don’t make too much noise, for goodness’ sake. All the servants will have gone to bed. You’ll see the window of my room. It’s just above the porch. It’ll be the only one lit up. Throw a pebble at it, and I’ll come down.”
“So will the glass—with a run, I expect. Still, I’ll try to do as little damage as possible. After all, I needn’t throw a brick.”
“So the glass will likely break when I run into it. Still, I’ll do my best to minimize any damage. After all, I don’t need to throw a brick.”
“You will turn up, won’t you?”
“You’ll turn up, right?”
“Nothing shall stop me.”
"Nothing will stop me."
“Good man.”
“Good guy.”
As Wyatt was turning away, a sudden compunction seized upon Neville-Smith. He called him back.
As Wyatt was turning away, a sudden feeling of guilt hit Neville-Smith. He called him back.
“I say, you don’t think it’s too risky, do you? I mean, you always are breaking out at night, aren’t you? I don’t want to get you into a row.”
“I mean, you don’t think it’s too risky, right? You’re always sneaking out at night, aren’t you? I just don’t want to get you into trouble.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” said Wyatt. “Don’t you worry about me. I should have gone out anyhow to-night.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” said Wyatt. “Don’t worry about me. I should have gone out anyway tonight.”
CHAPTER XXIII
A SURPRISE FOR MR. APPLEBY
“You may not know it,” said Wyatt to Mike in the dormitory that night, “but this is the maddest, merriest day of all the glad New Year.”
“You might not realize it,” said Wyatt to Mike in the dorm that night, “but this is the craziest, happiest day of the whole joyful New Year.”
Mike could not help thinking that for himself it was the very reverse, but he did not state his view of the case.
Mike couldn’t help but think that for him it was the complete opposite, but he didn’t share his opinion on the matter.
“What’s up?” he asked.
"What's up?" he asked.
“Neville-Smith’s giving a meal at his place in honour of his getting his first. I understand the preparations are on a scale of the utmost magnificence. No expense has been spared. Ginger-beer will flow like water. The oldest cask of lemonade has been broached; and a sardine is roasting whole in the market-place.”
“Neville-Smith is hosting a meal at his place to celebrate getting his first. I hear the preparations are incredibly grand. No expense has been spared. Ginger beer will flow freely. The oldest cask of lemonade has been opened; and a whole sardine is roasting in the marketplace.”
“Are you going?”
“Are you coming?”
“If I can tear myself away from your delightful society. The kick-off is fixed for eleven sharp. I am to stand underneath his window and heave bricks till something happens. I don’t know if he keeps a dog. If so, I shall probably get bitten to the bone.”
“If I can pull myself away from your lovely company. The kickoff is set for eleven on the dot. I’m supposed to stand under his window and throw bricks until something happens. I’m not sure if he has a dog. If he does, I’ll probably get bitten to the bone.”
“When are you going to start?”
“When are you going to start?”
“About five minutes after Wain has been round the dormitories to see that all’s well. That ought to be somewhere about half-past ten.”
“About five minutes after Wain went around the dormitories to check that everything’s okay. That should be around half-past ten.”
“Don’t go getting caught.”
"Don’t get caught."
“I shall do my little best not to be. Rather tricky work, though, getting back. I’ve got to climb two garden walls, and I shall probably be so full of Malvoisie that you’ll be able to hear it swishing about inside me. No catch steeple-chasing if you’re like that. They’ve no thought for people’s convenience here. Now at Bradford they’ve got studies on the ground floor, the windows looking out over the boundless prairie. No climbing or steeple-chasing needed at all. All you have to do is to open the window and step out. Still, we must make the best of things. Push us over a pinch of that tooth-powder of yours. I’ve used all mine.”
“I’ll do my best not to be. It’s pretty tricky getting back. I have to climb over two garden walls, and I’ll probably be so full of Malvoisie that you’ll hear it sloshing around inside me. You can’t do any steeple-chasing like that. They don’t think about people’s convenience here. In Bradford, they have studies on the ground floor, with windows looking out over the endless prairie. No climbing or steeple-chasing needed at all. All you have to do is open the window and step out. Still, we have to make the best of things. Can you pass me a bit of that tooth powder? I’ve used all mine.”
Wyatt very seldom penetrated further than his own garden on the occasions when he roamed abroad at night. For cat-shooting the Wain spinneys were unsurpassed. There was one particular dustbin where one might be certain of flushing a covey any night; and the wall by the potting-shed was a feline club-house.
Wyatt rarely ventured beyond his own garden when he went out at night. The Wain spinneys were the best spot for shooting cats. There was one specific dustbin where you could always count on scaring a group of them up any night, and the wall next to the potting shed was like a cat hangout.
But when he did wish to get out into the open country he had a special route which he always took. He climbed down from the wall that ran beneath the dormitory window into the garden belonging to Mr. Appleby, the master who had the house next to Mr. Wain’s. Crossing this, he climbed another wall, and dropped from it into a small lane which ended in the main road leading to Wrykyn town.
But whenever he wanted to get out into the countryside, he had a specific route he always followed. He climbed down from the wall that ran below the dormitory window into the garden of Mr. Appleby, the master who lived next to Mr. Wain. After crossing this garden, he climbed another wall and dropped down into a small lane that led to the main road heading to Wrykyn town.
This was the route which he took to-night. It was a glorious July night, and the scent of the flowers came to him with a curious distinctness as he let himself down from the dormitory window. At any other time he might have made a lengthy halt, and enjoyed the scents and small summer noises, but now he felt that it would be better not to delay. There was a full moon, and where he stood he could be seen distinctly from the windows of both houses. They were all dark, it is true, but on these occasions it was best to take no risks.
This was the route he took tonight. It was a beautiful July night, and the scent of the flowers reached him with a strange clarity as he climbed out of the dormitory window. At any other time, he might have lingered to enjoy the fragrances and soft summer sounds, but now he felt it was best not to waste time. The moon was full, and from where he stood, he could be clearly seen from the windows of both houses. They were all dark, true, but in these situations, it was wise to take no chances.
He dropped cautiously into Appleby’s garden, ran lightly across it, and was in the lane within a minute.
He carefully jumped into Appleby’s garden, ran quickly across it, and was on the lane in less than a minute.
There he paused, dusted his trousers, which had suffered on the two walls, and strolled meditatively in the direction of the town. Half-past ten had just chimed from the school clock. He was in plenty of time.
There he stopped, brushed off his pants, which had gotten dirty from the two walls, and walked thoughtfully toward the town. The school clock had just chimed ten-thirty. He had plenty of time.
“What a night!” he said to himself, sniffing as he walked.
“What a night!” he said to himself, sniffling as he walked.
Now it happened that he was not alone in admiring the beauty of that particular night. At ten-fifteen it had struck Mr. Appleby, looking out of his study into the moonlit school grounds, that a pipe in the open would make an excellent break in his night’s work. He had acquired a slight headache as the result of correcting a batch of examination papers, and he thought that an interval of an hour in the open air before approaching the half-dozen or so papers which still remained to be looked at might do him good. The window of his study was open, but the room had got hot and stuffy. Nothing like a little fresh air for putting him right.
Now it happened that he wasn’t the only one enjoying the beauty of that particular night. At ten-fifteen, Mr. Appleby, looking out of his study at the moonlit school grounds, realized that having a pipe outside would be a perfect break in his work. He had developed a slight headache from grading a batch of exam papers, and he thought that a one-hour break in the fresh air before tackling the half-dozen or so papers left might do him some good. The window of his study was open, but the room had become hot and stuffy. There’s nothing like a little fresh air to help him feel better.
For a few moments he debated the rival claims of a stroll in the cricket-field and a seat in the garden. Then he decided on the latter. The little gate in the railings opposite his house might not be open, and it was a long way round to the main entrance. So he took a deck-chair which leaned against the wall, and let himself out of the back door.
For a moment, he weighed the competing options of taking a walk in the cricket field or sitting in the garden. Then he chose the latter. The small gate in the railings across from his house might be closed, and it would take a long detour to reach the main entrance. So he grabbed a deck chair that was leaned against the wall and stepped out through the back door.
He took up his position in the shadow of a fir-tree with his back to the house. From here he could see the long garden. He was fond of his garden, and spent what few moments he could spare from work and games pottering about it. He had his views as to what the ideal garden should be, and he hoped in time to tinker his own three acres up to the desired standard. At present there remained much to be done. Why not, for instance, take away those laurels at the end of the lawn, and have a flower-bed there instead? Laurels lasted all the year round, true, whereas flowers died and left an empty brown bed in the winter, but then laurels were nothing much to look at at any time, and a garden always had a beastly appearance in winter, whatever you did to it. Much better have flowers, and get a decent show for one’s money in summer at any rate.
He stood in the shade of a fir tree with his back to the house. From there, he could see the long garden. He loved his garden and spent as much time as he could spare from work and play tinkering around in it. He had ideas about what the perfect garden should be, and he hoped to improve his own three acres to meet that standard over time. Right now, though, there was a lot left to do. For example, why not remove those laurels at the end of the lawn and replace them with a flower bed? Yes, laurels lasted all year, but flowers died and left an empty brown patch in winter. However, laurels weren't very appealing any time of year, and a garden always looked terrible in winter, no matter what you did. It was much better to have flowers and get a good display for your money in the summer, at least.
The problem of the bed at the end of the lawn occupied his complete attention for more than a quarter of an hour, at the end of which period he discovered that his pipe had gone out.
The issue with the flower bed at the end of the lawn took up all his focus for over fifteen minutes, and by the time he realized it, his pipe had gone out.
He was just feeling for his matches to relight it when Wyatt dropped with a slight thud into his favourite herbaceous border.
He was just reaching for his matches to relight it when Wyatt dropped with a small thud into his favorite flower bed.
The surprise, and the agony of feeling that large boots were trampling among his treasures kept him transfixed for just the length of time necessary for Wyatt to cross the garden and climb the opposite wall. As he dropped into the lane, Mr. Appleby recovered himself sufficiently to emit a sort of strangled croak, but the sound was too slight to reach Wyatt. That reveller was walking down the Wrykyn road before Mr. Appleby had left his chair.
The shock and the pain of feeling large boots stomping through his treasures held him frozen just long enough for Wyatt to cross the garden and climb over the opposite wall. As he dropped down into the lane, Mr. Appleby managed to regain his composure enough to let out a kind of choked sound, but it was too faint for Wyatt to hear. That party-goer was already walking down the Wrykyn road by the time Mr. Appleby got up from his chair.
It is an interesting point that it was the gardener rather than the schoolmaster in Mr. Appleby that first awoke to action. It was not the idea of a boy breaking out of his house at night that occurred to him first as particularly heinous; it was the fact that the boy had broken out via his herbaceous border. In four strides he was on the scene of the outrage, examining, on hands and knees, with the aid of the moonlight, the extent of the damage done.
It’s interesting to note that it was the gardener, not the schoolmaster, in Mr. Appleby who first sprang into action. It wasn’t the thought of a boy sneaking out of his house at night that struck him as especially terrible; it was the fact that the boy had escaped through his flowerbed. In just four steps, he arrived at the scene of the disturbance, checking, on hands and knees, with the moonlight helping him see the extent of the damage done.
As far as he could see, it was not serious. By a happy accident Wyatt’s boots had gone home to right and left of precious plants but not on them. With a sigh of relief Mr. Appleby smoothed over the cavities, and rose to his feet.
As far as he could tell, it wasn't serious. By a lucky chance, Wyatt’s boots had strayed to the right and left of the precious plants but hadn't stepped on them. With a sigh of relief, Mr. Appleby leveled out the holes and stood up.
At this point it began to strike him that the episode affected him as a schoolmaster also.
At this point, he started to realize that the episode impacted him as a teacher too.
In that startled moment when Wyatt had suddenly crossed his line of vision, he had recognised him. The moon had shone full on his face as he left the flowerbed. There was no doubt in his mind as to the identity of the intruder.
In that surprising moment when Wyatt suddenly appeared in his line of sight, he recognized him. The moon was shining directly on his face as he stepped away from the flowerbed. There was no doubt in his mind about the identity of the intruder.
He paused, wondering how he should act. It was not an easy question. There was nothing of the spy about Mr. Appleby. He went his way openly, liked and respected by boys and masters. He always played the game. The difficulty here was to say exactly what the game was. Sentiment, of course, bade him forget the episode, treat it as if it had never happened. That was the simple way out of the difficulty. There was nothing unsporting about Mr. Appleby. He knew that there were times when a master might, without blame, close his eyes or look the other way. If he had met Wyatt out of bounds in the day-time, and it had been possible to convey the impression that he had not seen him, he would have done so. To be out of bounds is not a particularly deadly sin. A master must check it if it occurs too frequently, but he may use his discretion.
He paused, thinking about how he should act. It wasn’t an easy question. Mr. Appleby didn’t have a spy-like quality. He went about his business openly, liked and respected by both students and teachers. He always played fair. The challenge here was to define exactly what that fair play entailed. Sentiment, of course, urged him to forget the incident, to treat it as if it had never happened. That would be the easy way out of the dilemma. There was nothing unfair about Mr. Appleby. He understood that sometimes a teacher might, without blame, choose to ignore a situation or look the other way. If he had encountered Wyatt out of bounds during the day and it had been possible to create the impression that he hadn’t seen him, he would have done so. Being out of bounds isn’t a major offense. A teacher has to address it if it happens too often, but he can use his judgment.
Breaking out at night, however, was a different thing altogether. It was on another plane. There are times when a master must waive sentiment, and remember that he is in a position of trust, and owes a duty directly to his headmaster, and indirectly, through the headmaster, to the parents. He receives a salary for doing this duty, and, if he feels that sentiment is too strong for him, he should resign in favour of some one of tougher fibre.
Breaking out at night, though, was a completely different situation. It was on another level. There are moments when a leader has to set aside feelings and remember that they have a responsibility to their boss and, through them, to the parents. They are paid to fulfill this duty, and if they find that their emotions are too overwhelming, they should step down for someone who can handle it better.
This was the conclusion to which Mr. Appleby came over his relighted pipe. He could not let the matter rest where it was.
This was the conclusion Mr. Appleby reached as he lit his pipe again. He couldn't just leave the matter as it was.
In ordinary circumstances it would have been his duty to report the affair to the headmaster but in the present case he thought that a slightly different course might be pursued. He would lay the whole thing before Mr. Wain, and leave him to deal with it as he thought best. It was one of the few cases where it was possible for an assistant master to fulfil his duty to a parent directly, instead of through the agency of the headmaster.
In normal situations, it would have been his responsibility to inform the headmaster about the matter, but in this case, he believed a slightly different approach could be taken. He would present the entire situation to Mr. Wain and allow him to handle it as he saw fit. This was one of the rare instances where an assistant teacher could directly fulfill his duty to a parent, rather than going through the headmaster.
Knocking out the ashes of his pipe against a tree, he folded his deck-chair and went into the house. The examination papers were spread invitingly on the table, but they would have to wait. He turned down his lamp, and walked round to Wain’s.
Knocking the ashes out of his pipe against a tree, he folded up his deck chair and went inside the house. The exam papers were laid out invitingly on the table, but they'd have to wait. He turned down his lamp and walked over to Wain's.
There was a light in one of the ground-floor windows. He tapped on the window, and the sound of a chair being pushed back told him that he had been heard. The blind shot up, and he had a view of a room littered with books and papers, in the middle of which stood Mr. Wain, like a sea-beast among rocks.
There was a light in one of the ground-floor windows. He tapped on the window, and the sound of a chair being pushed back indicated that he had been heard. The blind shot up, and he could see a room scattered with books and papers, in the middle of which stood Mr. Wain, like a sea beast among rocks.
Mr. Wain recognised his visitor and opened the window. Mr. Appleby could not help feeling how like Wain it was to work on a warm summer’s night in a hermetically sealed room. There was always something queer and eccentric about Wyatt’s step-father.
Mr. Wain recognized his visitor and opened the window. Mr. Appleby couldn't help but notice how typical it was of Wain to work in a stuffy room on a warm summer night. There was always something odd and eccentric about Wyatt's stepfather.
“Can I have a word with you, Wain?” he said.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Wain?” he said.
“Appleby! Is there anything the matter? I was startled when you tapped. Exceedingly so.”
“Appleby! Is something wrong? I was surprised when you tapped. Really surprised.”
“Sorry,” said Mr. Appleby. “Wouldn’t have disturbed you, only it’s something important. I’ll climb in through here, shall I? No need to unlock the door.” And, greatly to Mr. Wain’s surprise and rather to his disapproval, Mr. Appleby vaulted on to the window-sill, and squeezed through into the room.
“Sorry,” said Mr. Appleby. “I wouldn’t have bothered you, but it’s something important. Can I just climb in through here? No need to unlock the door.” To Mr. Wain’s surprise and somewhat to his disapproval, Mr. Appleby hopped up onto the window-sill and squeezed into the room.
CHAPTER XXIV
CAUGHT
“Got some rather bad news for you, I’m afraid,” began Mr. Appleby. “I’ll smoke, if you don’t mind. About Wyatt.”
“Got some pretty bad news for you, I’m afraid,” started Mr. Appleby. “I’ll smoke, if that’s okay with you. It’s about Wyatt.”
“James!”
"James!"
“I was sitting in my garden a few minutes ago, having a pipe before finishing the rest of my papers, and Wyatt dropped from the wall on to my herbaceous border.”
“I was sitting in my garden a few minutes ago, enjoying a smoke before wrapping up my paperwork, and Wyatt jumped down from the wall onto my flower bed.”
Mr. Appleby said this with a tinge of bitterness. The thing still rankled.
Mr. Appleby said this with a hint of bitterness. The issue still bothered him.
“James! In your garden! Impossible. Why, it is not a quarter of an hour since I left him in his dormitory.”
“James! In your garden! No way. I just left him in his dorm room less than fifteen minutes ago.”
“He’s not there now.”
"He's not there anymore."
“You astound me, Appleby. I am astonished.”
“You amaze me, Appleby. I’m shocked.”
“So was I.”
"Me too."
“How is such a thing possible? His window is heavily barred.”
“How is that even possible? His window is heavily secured.”
“Bars can be removed.”
“Can remove the bars.”
“You must have been mistaken.”
"You must be mistaken."
“Possibly,” said Mr. Appleby, a little nettled. Gaping astonishment is always apt to be irritating. “Let’s leave it at that, then. Sorry to have disturbed you.”
“Maybe,” said Mr. Appleby, a bit annoyed. Staring in disbelief can be really irritating. “Let’s just leave it at that, then. Sorry to have bothered you.”
“No, sit down, Appleby. Dear me, this is most extraordinary. Exceedingly so. You are certain it was James?”
“No, sit down, Appleby. Wow, this is really unusual. Very unusual. Are you sure it was James?”
“Perfectly. It’s like daylight out of doors.”
“Exactly. It’s like it’s daytime outside.”
Mr. Wain drummed on the table with his fingers.
Mr. Wain tapped on the table with his fingers.
“What shall I do?”
"What should I do?"
Mr. Appleby offered no suggestion.
Mr. Appleby had no suggestions.
“I ought to report it to the headmaster. That is certainly the course I should pursue.”
“I should report it to the principal. That’s definitely the path I should take.”
“I don’t see why. It isn’t like an ordinary case. You’re the parent. You can deal with the thing directly. If you come to think of it, a headmaster’s only a sort of middleman between boys and parents. He plays substitute for the parent in his absence. I don’t see why you should drag in the master at all here.”
“I don’t see why. It’s not like a normal situation. You’re the parent. You can handle this directly. If you think about it, a headmaster is just a kind of middleman between kids and parents. He steps in for the parent when they’re not around. I don’t see why you should involve the teacher in this at all.”
“There is certainly something in what you say,” said Mr. Wain on reflection.
“There’s definitely something in what you’re saying,” Mr. Wain said after thinking it over.
“A good deal. Tackle the boy when he comes in, and have it out with him. Remember that it must mean expulsion if you report him to the headmaster. He would have no choice. Everybody who has ever broken out of his house here and been caught has been expelled. I should strongly advise you to deal with the thing yourself.”
“A good deal. Confront the boy when he comes in, and sort it out with him. Remember, if you report him to the headmaster, it will definitely lead to expulsion. He won’t have any choice. Everyone who has ever escaped from his house here and got caught has been expelled. I strongly advise you to handle this yourself.”
“I will. Yes. You are quite right, Appleby. That is a very good idea of yours. You are not going?”
“I will. Yes. You are absolutely right, Appleby. That’s a really good idea. Aren't you going?”
“Must. Got a pile of examination papers to look over. Good-night.”
“Got to go. I have a stack of exam papers to review. Goodnight.”
“Good-night.”
“Good night.”
Mr. Appleby made his way out of the window and through the gate into his own territory in a pensive frame of mind. He was wondering what would happen. He had taken the only possible course, and, if only Wain kept his head and did not let the matter get through officially to the headmaster, things might not be so bad for Wyatt after all. He hoped they would not. He liked Wyatt. It would be a thousand pities, he felt, if he were to be expelled. What would Wain do? What would he do in a similar case? It was difficult to say. Probably talk violently for as long as he could keep it up, and then consider the episode closed. He doubted whether Wain would have the common sense to do this. Altogether it was very painful and disturbing, and he was taking a rather gloomy view of the assistant master’s lot as he sat down to finish off the rest of his examination papers. It was not all roses, the life of an assistant master at a public school. He had continually to be sinking his own individual sympathies in the claims of his duty. Mr. Appleby was the last man who would willingly have reported a boy for enjoying a midnight ramble. But he was the last man to shirk the duty of reporting him, merely because it was one decidedly not to his taste.
Mr. Appleby went out the window and through the gate into his own space, deep in thought. He was wondering what would happen next. He had taken the only reasonable action, and if only Wain kept his cool and didn’t let the headmaster find out, things might not end up too badly for Wyatt after all. He hoped they wouldn’t. He liked Wyatt. It would be a real shame, he thought, if he got expelled. What would Wain do? What would he do in a similar situation? It was hard to say. He'd probably rant for as long as he could manage, then act like it was all behind him. He doubted Wain would have the common sense to do that. Overall, it was very stressful and unsettling, and he was feeling pretty down about the life of an assistant master as he sat down to wrap up his remaining exam papers. Being an assistant master at a public school wasn't all fun and games. He constantly had to put aside his personal feelings to fulfill his responsibilities. Mr. Appleby was the last person who would willingly report a student for sneaking out at night. But he was also the last person to avoid his duty to report him just because it wasn’t something he enjoyed.
Mr. Wain sat on for some minutes after his companion had left, pondering over the news he had heard. Even now he clung to the idea that Appleby had made some extraordinary mistake. Gradually he began to convince himself of this. He had seen Wyatt actually in bed a quarter of an hour before—not asleep, it was true, but apparently on the verge of dropping off. And the bars across the window had looked so solid.... Could Appleby have been dreaming? Something of the kind might easily have happened. He had been working hard, and the night was warm....
Mr. Wain sat there for a few minutes after his friend left, thinking about the news he had just heard. Even now, he held on to the belief that Appleby had made some kind of crazy mistake. Slowly, he started to convince himself of this. He had seen Wyatt actually in bed just fifteen minutes before—not asleep, true, but clearly about to doze off. And the bars on the window had looked really solid... Could Appleby have been dreaming? Something like that could easily happen. He had been working hard, and the night was warm...
Then it occurred to him that he could easily prove or disprove the truth of his colleague’s statement by going to the dormitory and seeing if Wyatt were there or not. If he had gone out, he would hardly have returned yet.
Then it hit him that he could easily confirm or deny the truth of his colleague’s statement by heading to the dorm and checking if Wyatt was there or not. If he had gone out, he probably wouldn’t have come back yet.
He took a candle, and walked quietly upstairs.
He grabbed a candle and quietly walked upstairs.
Arrived at his step-son’s dormitory, he turned the door-handle softly and went in. The light of the candle fell on both beds. Mike was there, asleep. He grunted, and turned over with his face to the wall as the light shone on his eyes. But the other bed was empty. Appleby had been right.
Arrived at his step-son’s dorm room, he gently turned the doorknob and walked in. The candlelight illuminated both beds. Mike was there, asleep. He grunted and rolled over with his back to the light as it hit his eyes. But the other bed was empty. Appleby had been right.
If further proof had been needed, one of the bars was missing from the window. The moon shone in through the empty space.
If more proof was needed, one of the bars was missing from the window. The moon shone in through the open gap.
The house-master sat down quietly on the vacant bed. He blew the candle out, and waited there in the semi-darkness, thinking. For years he and Wyatt had lived in a state of armed neutrality, broken by various small encounters. Lately, by silent but mutual agreement, they had kept out of each other’s way as much as possible, and it had become rare for the house-master to have to find fault officially with his step-son. But there had never been anything even remotely approaching friendship between them. Mr. Wain was not a man who inspired affection readily, least of all in those many years younger than himself. Nor did he easily grow fond of others. Wyatt he had regarded, from the moment when the threads of their lives became entangled, as a complete nuisance.
The housemaster quietly sat down on the empty bed. He blew out the candle and waited there in the dim light, thinking. For years, he and Wyatt had lived in a state of uneasy peace, occasionally disrupted by small conflicts. Recently, by silent mutual agreement, they had avoided each other as much as possible, and it had become uncommon for the housemaster to have to officially reprimand his stepson. However, there had never been anything even close to friendship between them. Mr. Wain was not someone who easily inspired affection, especially not in those much younger than himself. Nor did he easily grow fond of others. From the moment their lives became intertwined, he had seen Wyatt as nothing but a total nuisance.
It was not, therefore, a sorrowful, so much as an exasperated, vigil that he kept in the dormitory. There was nothing of the sorrowing father about his frame of mind. He was the house-master about to deal with a mutineer, and nothing else.
It wasn’t, therefore, a sad vigil he kept in the dormitory, but rather an exasperated one. There was nothing of the grieving father in his state of mind. He was the house master ready to confront a troublemaker, and nothing more.
This breaking-out, he reflected wrathfully, was the last straw. Wyatt’s presence had been a nervous inconvenience to him for years. The time had come to put an end to it. It was with a comfortable feeling of magnanimity that he resolved not to report the breach of discipline to the headmaster. Wyatt should not be expelled. But he should leave, and that immediately. He would write to the bank before he went to bed, asking them to receive his step-son at once; and the letter should go by the first post next day. The discipline of the bank would be salutary and steadying. And—this was a particularly grateful reflection—a fortnight annually was the limit of the holiday allowed by the management to its junior employees.
This breakout, he thought angrily, was the last straw. Wyatt’s presence had been a stressful nuisance to him for years. It was time to put a stop to it. He felt a sense of generosity as he decided not to report the rule violation to the headmaster. Wyatt shouldn't be expelled. But he needed to leave, and immediately. He would write to the bank before going to bed, asking them to take his stepson right away; and the letter would go out in the first mail the next day. The bank’s discipline would be beneficial and stabilizing. And—this was a particularly satisfying thought—two weeks each year was the maximum time off allowed by management for its junior employees.
Mr. Wain had arrived at this conclusion, and was beginning to feel a little cramped, when Mike Jackson suddenly sat up.
Mr. Wain had come to this conclusion and was starting to feel a bit cramped when Mike Jackson suddenly sat up.
“Hullo!” said Mike.
“Hello!” said Mike.
“Go to sleep, Jackson, immediately,” snapped the house-master.
“Go to sleep, Jackson, right now,” snapped the house-master.
Mike had often heard and read of people’s hearts leaping to their mouths, but he had never before experienced that sensation of something hot and dry springing in the throat, which is what really happens to us on receipt of a bad shock. A sickening feeling that the game was up beyond all hope of salvation came to him. He lay down again without a word.
Mike had often heard and read about people’s hearts racing, but he had never experienced that sensation of something hot and dry rising in his throat, which is what actually happens when you get a bad shock. A sickening feeling that all hope was lost washed over him. He lay back down without saying a word.
What a frightful thing to happen! How on earth had this come about? What in the world had brought Wain to the dormitory at that hour? Poor old Wyatt! If it had upset him (Mike) to see the house-master in the room, what would be the effect of such a sight on Wyatt, returning from the revels at Neville-Smith’s!
What a terrifying thing to happen! How did this even occur? What on earth brought Wain to the dormitory at this hour? Poor Wyatt! If it had disturbed him (Mike) to see the house-master in the room, how would Wyatt react, coming back from the party at Neville-Smith’s!?
And what could he do? Nothing. There was literally no way out. His mind went back to the night when he had saved Wyatt by a brilliant coup. The most brilliant of coups could effect nothing now. Absolutely and entirely the game was up.
And what could he do? Nothing. There was really no way out. His mind drifted back to the night when he had saved Wyatt with a brilliant coup. The most brilliant coup couldn’t change anything now. Absolutely and completely, the game was over.
Every minute that passed seemed like an hour to Mike. Dead silence reigned in the dormitory, broken every now and then by the creak of the other bed, as the house-master shifted his position. Twelve boomed across the field from the school clock. Mike could not help thinking what a perfect night it must be for him to be able to hear the strokes so plainly. He strained his ears for any indication of Wyatt’s approach, but could hear nothing. Then a very faint scraping noise broke the stillness, and presently the patch of moonlight on the floor was darkened.
Every minute felt like an hour to Mike. The dormitory was completely silent, except for the occasional creak of the other bed as the housemaster adjusted himself. The clock at the school towered twelve times across the field. Mike couldn’t help but think how perfect the night was for him to hear the chimes so clearly. He listened intently for any sign of Wyatt's arrival, but heard nothing. Then, a faint scraping sound shattered the quiet, and soon the patch of moonlight on the floor was covered.
At that moment Mr. Wain relit his candle.
At that moment, Mr. Wain lit his candle again.
The unexpected glare took Wyatt momentarily aback. Mike saw him start. Then he seemed to recover himself. In a calm and leisurely manner he climbed into the room.
The sudden brightness caught Wyatt off guard for a moment. Mike noticed him flinch. Then Wyatt appeared to regain his composure. In a relaxed and unhurried way, he stepped into the room.
“James!” said Mr. Wain. His voice sounded ominously hollow.
“James!” Mr. Wain said. His voice sounded eerily empty.
Wyatt dusted his knees, and rubbed his hands together. “Hullo, is that you, father!” he said pleasantly.
Wyatt brushed off his knees and rubbed his hands together. “Hey, is that you, Dad!” he said cheerfully.
CHAPTER XXV
MARCHING ORDERS
A silence followed. To Mike, lying in bed, holding his breath, it seemed a long silence. As a matter of fact it lasted for perhaps ten seconds. Then Mr. Wain spoke.
A silence followed. To Mike, lying in bed and holding his breath, it felt like a long silence. In reality, it lasted for about ten seconds. Then Mr. Wain spoke.
“You have been out, James?”
"Have you been out, James?"
It is curious how in the more dramatic moments of life the inane remark is the first that comes to us.
It’s interesting how, in the most dramatic moments of life, the silly comment is the first thing that comes to mind.
“Yes, sir,” said Wyatt.
"Yes, sir," Wyatt replied.
“I am astonished. Exceedingly astonished.”
“I’m amazed. Really amazed.”
“I got a bit of a start myself,” said Wyatt.
“I was a little surprised myself,” Wyatt said.
“I shall talk to you in my study. Follow me there.”
“I'll talk to you in my office. Follow me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
He left the room, and Wyatt suddenly began to chuckle.
He left the room, and Wyatt suddenly started to laugh.
“I say, Wyatt!” said Mike, completely thrown off his balance by the events of the night.
“I can’t believe it, Wyatt!” Mike said, totally thrown off balance by everything that happened tonight.
Wyatt continued to giggle helplessly. He flung himself down on his bed, rolling with laughter. Mike began to get alarmed.
Wyatt couldn't stop giggling. He threw himself onto his bed, rolling around with laughter. Mike started to get worried.
“It’s all right,” said Wyatt at last, speaking with difficulty. “But, I say, how long had he been sitting there?”
“It’s okay,” said Wyatt finally, struggling to speak. “But seriously, how long had he been sitting there?”
“It seemed hours. About an hour, I suppose, really.”
“It felt like hours. I guess it was about an hour, really.”
“It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever struck. Me sweating to get in quietly, and all the time him camping out on my bed!”
“It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever come across. I’m sweating to get in quietly, and all the while, he’s just lounging on my bed!”
“But look here, what’ll happen?”
“But look, what will happen?”
Wyatt sat up.
Wyatt sat up.
“That reminds me. Suppose I’d better go down.”
“That reminds me. I should probably go downstairs.”
“What’ll he do, do you think?”
“What do you think he'll do?”
“Ah, now, what!”
"Wow, what now!"
“But, I say, it’s awful. What’ll happen?”
“But, I say, it’s terrible. What’s going to happen?”
“That’s for him to decide. Speaking at a venture, I should say——”
"That’s up to him to decide. Just throwing this out there, I would say——"
“You don’t think——?”
"Do you not think——?"
“The boot. The swift and sudden boot. I shall be sorry to part with you, but I’m afraid it’s a case of ‘Au revoir, my little Hyacinth.’ We shall meet at Philippi. This is my Moscow. To-morrow I shall go out into the night with one long, choking sob. Years hence a white-haired bank-clerk will tap at your door when you’re a prosperous professional cricketer with your photograph in Wisden. That’ll be me. Well, I suppose I’d better go down. We’d better all get to bed some time to-night. Don’t go to sleep.”
“The boot. The quick and unexpected boot. I’m going to miss you, but I guess it’s a situation of ‘See you later, my little Hyacinth.’ We’ll reunite at Philippi. This is my Moscow. Tomorrow, I’ll step into the night with one long, choking sob. Years from now, a white-haired bank clerk will knock on your door when you’re a successful professional cricketer with your picture in Wisden. That’ll be me. Well, I suppose I should head downstairs. We should all get to bed some time tonight. Don’t fall asleep.”
“Not likely.”
"Unlikely."
“I’ll tell you all the latest news when I come back. Where are me slippers? Ha, ’tis well! Lead on, then, minions. I follow.”
“I’ll tell you all the latest news when I get back. Where are my slippers? Ha, all good! Lead on, then, my friends. I’m following.”
In the study Mr. Wain was fumbling restlessly with his papers when Wyatt appeared.
In the study, Mr. Wain was nervously sorting through his papers when Wyatt showed up.
“Sit down, James,” he said.
“Take a seat, James,” he said.
Wyatt sat down. One of his slippers fell off with a clatter. Mr. Wain jumped nervously.
Wyatt sat down. One of his slippers fell off with a clatter. Mr. Wain jumped nervously.
“Only my slipper,” explained Wyatt. “It slipped.”
“Just my slipper,” Wyatt said. “It came off.”
Mr. Wain took up a pen, and began to tap the table.
Mr. Wain picked up a pen and started tapping on the table.
“Well, James?”
"What's up, James?"
Wyatt said nothing.
Wyatt remained silent.
“I should be glad to hear your explanation of this disgraceful matter.”
“I would be happy to hear your explanation of this shameful situation.”
“The fact is——” said Wyatt.
"The fact is—" said Wyatt.
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“I haven’t one, sir.”
"I don’t have one, sir."
“What were you doing out of your dormitory, out of the house, at that hour?”
“What were you doing out of your dorm, out of the house, at that time?”
“I went for a walk, sir.”
“I went for a walk, sir.”
“And, may I inquire, are you in the habit of violating the strictest school rules by absenting yourself from the house during the night?”
“And, can I ask, do you often break the strictest school rules by leaving the house at night?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Sure, sir."
“What?”
"Excuse me?"
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“This is an exceedingly serious matter.”
“This is a very serious issue.”
Wyatt nodded agreement with this view.
Wyatt nodded in agreement with this perspective.
“Exceedingly.”
"Extremely."
The pen rose and fell with the rapidity of the cylinder of a motor-car. Wyatt, watching it, became suddenly aware that the thing was hypnotising him. In a minute or two he would be asleep.
The pen moved up and down as quickly as a car engine. Wyatt, watching it, suddenly realized that it was putting him in a trance. In a minute or two, he would be asleep.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that, father. Tap like that, I mean. It’s sending me to sleep.”
“I wish you wouldn’t do that, Dad. Tapping like that, I mean. It’s making me sleepy.”
“James!”
“Hey, James!”
“It’s like a woodpecker.”
“It’s like a woodpecker.”
“Studied impertinence——”
"Learned boldness——"
“I’m very sorry. Only it was sending me off.”
“I’m really sorry. It was just sending me away.”
Mr. Wain suspended tapping operations, and resumed the thread of his discourse.
Mr. Wain stopped the tapping operations and continued with what he was saying.
“I am sorry, exceedingly, to see this attitude in you, James. It is not fitting. It is in keeping with your behaviour throughout. Your conduct has been lax and reckless in the extreme. It is possible that you imagine that the peculiar circumstances of our relationship secure you from the penalties to which the ordinary boy——”
“I’m really sorry to see this attitude in you, James. It’s not appropriate. It matches your behavior in general. Your actions have been very careless and reckless. You might think that the strange circumstances of our relationship protect you from the consequences that any normal boy would face—”
“No, sir.”
“No, thanks.”
“I need hardly say,” continued Mr. Wain, ignoring the interruption, “that I shall treat you exactly as I should treat any other member of my house whom I had detected in the same misdemeanour.”
“I don’t need to say,” Mr. Wain continued, ignoring the interruption, “that I will treat you just like I would treat any other member of my household whom I caught in the same wrongdoing.”
“Of course,” said Wyatt, approvingly.
"Of course," Wyatt said, approvingly.
“I must ask you not to interrupt me when I am speaking to you, James. I say that your punishment will be no whit less severe than would be that of any other boy. You have repeatedly proved yourself lacking in ballast and a respect for discipline in smaller ways, but this is a far more serious matter. Exceedingly so. It is impossible for me to overlook it, even were I disposed to do so. You are aware of the penalty for such an action as yours?”
“I need you to not interrupt me when I’m talking to you, James. I want to make it clear that your punishment will be just as harsh as any other boy's. You've shown time and again that you lack self-control and respect for discipline in minor ways, but this is a much more serious issue. Extremely so. I can't ignore it, even if I wanted to. Do you understand the consequences of what you’ve done?”
“The sack,” said Wyatt laconically.
“The sack,” Wyatt said dryly.
“It is expulsion. You must leave the school. At once.”
“It’s expulsion. You have to leave the school. Right now.”
Wyatt nodded.
Wyatt agreed.
“As you know, I have already secured a nomination for you in the London and Oriental Bank. I shall write to-morrow to the manager asking him to receive you at once——”
“As you know, I have already secured a nomination for you at the London and Oriental Bank. I will write to the manager tomorrow, asking him to meet with you right away——”
“After all, they only gain an extra fortnight of me.”
“After all, they only get an extra two weeks of me.”
“You will leave directly I receive his letter. I shall arrange with the headmaster that you are withdrawn privately——”
“You can leave as soon as I get his letter. I’ll make arrangements with the headmaster for you to be withdrawn discreetly——”
“Not the sack?”
“Not fired?”
“Withdrawn privately. You will not go to school to-morrow. Do you understand? That is all. Have you anything to say?”
“Stay home tomorrow. Do you understand? That’s all. Do you have anything to say?”
Wyatt reflected.
Wyatt thought.
“No, I don’t think——”
“No, I don’t think so——”
His eye fell on a tray bearing a decanter and a syphon.
His gaze landed on a tray with a decanter and a siphon.
“Oh, yes,” he said. “Can’t I mix you a whisky and soda, father, before I go off to bed?”
“Oh, sure,” he replied. “Can’t I make you a whiskey and soda, Dad, before I head off to bed?”
“Well?” said Mike.
"What's up?" said Mike.
Wyatt kicked off his slippers, and began to undress.
Wyatt kicked off his slippers and started to get undressed.
“What happened?”
"What’s going on?"
“We chatted.”
"We talked."
“Has he let you off?”
"Did he let you go?"
“Like a gun. I shoot off almost immediately. To-morrow I take a well-earned rest away from school, and the day after I become the gay young bank-clerk, all amongst the ink and ledgers.”
“Like a gun. I take off almost right away. Tomorrow I’m enjoying a well-deserved break from school, and the day after, I’ll be the cheerful young bank clerk, surrounded by ink and ledgers.”
Mike was miserably silent.
Mike was uncomfortably silent.
“Buck up,” said Wyatt cheerfully. “It would have happened anyhow in another fortnight. So why worry?”
“Cheer up,” said Wyatt happily. “It was going to happen in another two weeks anyway. So why stress about it?”
Mike was still silent. The reflection was doubtless philosophic, but it failed to comfort him.
Mike remained quiet. The reflection was surely deep, but it didn’t bring him any comfort.
CHAPTER XXVI
THE AFTERMATH
Bad news spreads quickly. By the quarter to eleven interval next day the facts concerning Wyatt and Mr. Wain were public property. Mike, as an actual spectator of the drama, was in great request as an informant. As he told the story to a group of sympathisers outside the school shop, Burgess came up, his eyes rolling in a fine frenzy.
Bad news travels fast. By around 10:45 the next day, the details about Wyatt and Mr. Wain were common knowledge. Mike, having witnessed the whole thing, was in high demand as a source of information. While he was sharing the story with a group of supporters outside the school shop, Burgess approached, his eyes wild with excitement.
“Anybody seen young—oh, here you are. What’s all this about Jimmy Wyatt? They’re saying he’s been sacked, or some rot.”
“Has anyone seen the young one—oh, there you are. What’s going on with Jimmy Wyatt? They’re saying he got fired, or some nonsense.”
“So he has—at least, he’s got to leave.”
“So he has—at least, he has to leave.”
“What? When?”
“What? When is that?”
“He’s left already. He isn’t coming to school again.”
“He's already gone. He's not coming to school anymore.”
Burgess’s first thought, as befitted a good cricket captain, was for his team.
Burgess's first thought, as a good cricket captain should, was for his team.
“And the Ripton match on Saturday!”
“And the Ripton game on Saturday!”
Nobody seemed to have anything except silent sympathy at his command.
Nobody seemed to have anything to offer but quiet sympathy for him.
“Dash the man! Silly ass! What did he want to do it for! Poor old Jimmy, though!” he added after a pause. “What rot for him!”
“Dash the guy! Silly idiot! What was he thinking? Poor old Jimmy, though!” he added after a pause. “What a shame for him!”
“Beastly,” agreed Mike.
"That's brutal," agreed Mike.
“All the same,” continued Burgess, with a return to the austere manner of the captain of cricket, “he might have chucked playing the goat till after the Ripton match. Look here, young Jackson, you’ll turn out for fielding with the first this afternoon. You’ll play on Saturday.”
“All the same,” continued Burgess, switching back to the serious tone of a cricket captain, “he could have stopped acting like a fool until after the Ripton match. Listen here, young Jackson, you’ll be fielding with the first team this afternoon. You’ll play on Saturday.”
“All right,” said Mike, without enthusiasm. The Wyatt disaster was too recent for him to feel much pleasure at playing against Ripton vice his friend, withdrawn.
“All right,” said Mike, lacking enthusiasm. The Wyatt disaster was still too fresh for him to feel much joy at playing against Ripton instead of his friend, who had withdrawn.
Bob was the next to interview him. They met in the cloisters.
Bob was the next person to interview him. They met in the cloisters.
“Hullo, Mike!” said Bob. “I say, what’s all this about Wyatt?”
“H hey, Mike!” said Bob. “What’s going on with Wyatt?”
“Wain caught him getting back into the dorm. last night after Neville-Smith’s, and he’s taken him away from the school.”
“Wain saw him coming back to the dorm last night after Neville-Smith’s, and he’s removed him from the school.”
“What’s he going to do? Going into that bank straight away?”
“What’s he going to do? Is he just walking into that bank right away?”
“Yes. You know, that’s the part he bars most. He’d have been leaving anyhow in a fortnight, you see; only it’s awful rot for a chap like Wyatt to have to go and froust in a bank for the rest of his life.”
“Yes. You know, that’s the part he hates the most. He would have been leaving anyway in two weeks, you see; it’s just really sad for a guy like Wyatt to have to settle down in a bank for the rest of his life.”
“He’ll find it rather a change, I expect. I suppose you won’t be seeing him before he goes?”
“He'll find it quite a change, I think. I guess you won't be seeing him before he leaves?”
“I shouldn’t think so. Not unless he comes to the dorm. during the night. He’s sleeping over in Wain’s part of the house, but I shouldn’t be surprised if he nipped out after Wain has gone to bed. Hope he does, anyway.”
“I don’t think so. Not unless he comes to the dorm during the night. He’s staying over in Wain’s part of the house, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he sneaked out after Wain has gone to bed. I hope he does, anyway.”
“I should like to say good-bye. But I don’t suppose it’ll be possible.”
“I’d like to say goodbye. But I don’t think that will be possible.”
They separated in the direction of their respective form-rooms. Mike felt bitter and disappointed at the way the news had been received. Wyatt was his best friend, his pal; and it offended him that the school should take the tidings of his departure as they had done. Most of them who had come to him for information had expressed a sort of sympathy with the absent hero of his story, but the chief sensation seemed to be one of pleasurable excitement at the fact that something big had happened to break the monotony of school routine. They treated the thing much as they would have treated the announcement that a record score had been made in first-class cricket. The school was not so much regretful as comfortably thrilled. And Burgess had actually cursed before sympathising. Mike felt resentful towards Burgess. As a matter of fact, the cricket captain wrote a letter to Wyatt during preparation that night which would have satisfied even Mike’s sense of what was fit. But Mike had no opportunity of learning this.
They split up and headed towards their respective classrooms. Mike felt bitter and disappointed by how the news had been received. Wyatt was his best friend, his buddy; and he was offended that the school reacted to his departure the way they did. Most of those who had come to him for details showed some sympathy for the absent hero of his story, but the main feeling seemed to be a pleasurable excitement that something significant had happened to break the monotony of school life. They treated it like they would have treated the announcement that a record score had been made in first-class cricket. The school was not so much regretful as comfortably thrilled. And Burgess had actually cursed before showing any sympathy. Mike felt resentful towards Burgess. In fact, the cricket captain wrote a letter to Wyatt during prep that night that would have even satisfied Mike’s sense of decorum. But Mike had no way of knowing this.
There was, however, one exception to the general rule, one member of the school who did not treat the episode as if it were merely an interesting and impersonal item of sensational news. Neville-Smith heard of what had happened towards the end of the interval, and rushed off instantly in search of Mike. He was too late to catch him before he went to his form-room, so he waited for him at half-past twelve, when the bell rang for the end of morning school.
There was, however, one exception to the general rule, one member of the school who didn’t treat the episode as just an interesting and impersonal piece of sensational news. Neville-Smith heard about what happened toward the end of the break and immediately rushed off to find Mike. He was too late to catch him before he went to his classroom, so he waited for him at twelve-thirty when the bell rang for the end of the morning session.
“I say, Jackson, is this true about old Wyatt?”
“I’m asking you, Jackson, is it true about old Wyatt?”
Mike nodded.
Mike agreed.
“What happened?”
“What’s going on?”
Mike related the story for the sixteenth time. It was a melancholy pleasure to have found a listener who heard the tale in the right spirit. There was no doubt about Neville-Smith’s interest and sympathy. He was silent for a moment after Mike had finished.
Mike shared the story for the sixteenth time. It was a bittersweet joy to have found someone who appreciated it the way it was meant to be. There was no doubt about Neville-Smith’s interest and empathy. He paused for a moment after Mike had wrapped up.
“It was all my fault,” he said at length. “If it hadn’t been for me, this wouldn’t have happened. What a fool I was to ask him to my place! I might have known he would be caught.”
“It was all my fault,” he said after a while. “If it hadn’t been for me, this wouldn’t have happened. What a fool I was to invite him over! I should have known he would get caught.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Mike.
“Oh, I’m not sure,” said Mike.
“It was absolutely my fault.”
"It was totally my fault."
Mike was not equal to the task of soothing Neville-Smith’s wounded conscience. He did not attempt it. They walked on without further conversation till they reached Wain’s gate, where Mike left him. Neville-Smith proceeded on his way, plunged in meditation.
Mike wasn't up to the challenge of comforting Neville-Smith's troubled conscience. He didn't even try. They continued walking in silence until they got to Wain's gate, where Mike said goodbye. Neville-Smith kept going, lost in thought.
The result of which meditation was that Burgess got a second shock before the day was out. Bob, going over to the nets rather late in the afternoon, came upon the captain of cricket standing apart from his fellow men with an expression on his face that spoke of mental upheavals on a vast scale.
The outcome of this reflection was that Burgess experienced another shock before the day ended. Bob, heading over to the nets later in the afternoon, found the cricket captain standing alone, looking like he was going through some serious mental turmoil.
“What’s up?” asked Bob.
"What's up?" asked Bob.
“Nothing much,” said Burgess, with a forced and grisly calm. “Only that, as far as I can see, we shall play Ripton on Saturday with a sort of second eleven. You don’t happen to have got sacked or anything, by the way, do you?”
“Not much,” said Burgess, with a forced and creepy calm. “Just that, as far as I can see, we’ll play Ripton on Saturday with a kind of second team. By the way, you haven’t been fired or anything, have you?”
“What’s happened now?”
"What's going on now?"
“Neville-Smith. In extra on Saturday. That’s all. Only our first- and second-change bowlers out of the team for the Ripton match in one day. I suppose by to-morrow half the others’ll have gone, and we shall take the field on Saturday with a scratch side of kids from the Junior School.”
“Neville-Smith. In extra on Saturday. That’s it. Only our first- and second-string bowlers are out of the team for the Ripton match in one day. I guess by tomorrow half the others will be gone too, and we’ll take the field on Saturday with a makeshift team of kids from the Junior School.”
“Neville-Smith! Why, what’s he been doing?”
“Neville-Smith! What has he been up to?”
“Apparently he gave a sort of supper to celebrate his getting his first, and it was while coming back from that that Wyatt got collared. Well, I’m blowed if Neville-Smith doesn’t toddle off to the Old Man after school to-day and tell him the whole yarn! Said it was all his fault. What rot! Sort of thing that might have happened to any one. If Wyatt hadn’t gone to him, he’d probably have gone out somewhere else.”
“Apparently he threw a kind of dinner to celebrate getting his first, and it was on the way back from that when Wyatt got caught. Well, I can’t believe Neville-Smith doesn't just stroll over to the Old Man after school today and tell him the whole story! He said it was all his fault. What nonsense! That sort of thing could have happened to anyone. If Wyatt hadn't gone to him, he probably would have gone out somewhere else.”
“And the Old Man shoved him in extra?”
“And the old man pushed him in too?”
“Next two Saturdays.”
“Next two Saturdays.”
“Are Ripton strong this year?” asked Bob, for lack of anything better to say.
“Are Ripton looking good this year?” asked Bob, not sure what else to say.
“Very, from all accounts. They whacked the M.C.C. Jolly hot team of M.C.C. too. Stronger than the one we drew with.”
“Definitely, by all accounts. They took down the M.C.C. Jolly hot team of M.C.C. too. Stronger than the one we tied with.”
“Oh, well, you never know what’s going to happen at cricket. I may hold a catch for a change.”
“Oh, well, you never know what’s going to happen in cricket. I might catch a ball for a change.”
Burgess grunted.
Burgess grunted.
Bob went on his way to the nets. Mike was just putting on his pads.
Bob headed over to the nets. Mike was just getting his pads on.
“I say, Mike,” said Bob. “I wanted to see you. It’s about Wyatt. I’ve thought of something.”
“I’m telling you, Mike,” Bob said. “I wanted to talk to you. It’s about Wyatt. I came up with an idea.”
“What’s that?”
"What's that?"
“A way of getting him out of that bank. If it comes off, that’s to say.”
“A way to get him out of that bank. If it works out, that is.”
“By Jove, he’d jump at anything. What’s the idea?”
“Wow, he’d be up for anything. What’s going on?”
“Why shouldn’t he get a job of sorts out in the Argentine? There ought to be heaps of sound jobs going there for a chap like Wyatt. He’s a jolly good shot, to start with. I shouldn’t wonder if it wasn’t rather a score to be able to shoot out there. And he can ride, I know.”
“Why shouldn’t he get some kind of job in Argentina? There should be plenty of decent jobs for someone like Wyatt. He’s a really good shot, for one. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s actually an advantage to be able to shoot there. And I know he can ride.”
“By Jove, I’ll write to father to-night. He must be able to work it, I should think. He never chucked the show altogether, did he?”
“Wow, I’ll write to Dad tonight. He should be able to handle it, I think. He never completely gave up on the show, did he?”
Mike, as most other boys of his age would have been, was profoundly ignorant as to the details by which his father’s money had been, or was being, made. He only knew vaguely that the source of revenue had something to do with the Argentine. His brother Joe had been born in Buenos Ayres; and once, three years ago, his father had gone over there for a visit, presumably on business. All these things seemed to show that Mr. Jackson senior was a useful man to have about if you wanted a job in that Eldorado, the Argentine Republic.
Mike, like most boys his age, had no idea about how his dad's money was made. He only vaguely understood that it had something to do with Argentina. His brother Joe was born in Buenos Aires, and three years ago, their dad had gone there for a visit, probably for business. All of this suggested that Mr. Jackson Sr. was a valuable person to know if you were looking for work in that gold mine, the Argentine Republic.
As a matter of fact, Mike’s father owned vast tracts of land up country, where countless sheep lived and had their being. He had long retired from active superintendence of his estate. Like Mr. Spenlow, he had a partner, a stout fellow with the work-taint highly developed, who asked nothing better than to be left in charge. So Mr. Jackson had returned to the home of his fathers, glad to be there again. But he still had a decided voice in the ordering of affairs on the ranches, and Mike was going to the fountain-head of things when he wrote to his father that night, putting forward Wyatt’s claims to attention and ability to perform any sort of job with which he might be presented.
Actually, Mike's father owned large pieces of land upstate, where countless sheep lived and thrived. He had long since retired from actively managing his estate. Like Mr. Spenlow, he had a partner, a burly guy with a strong work ethic, who was more than happy to take charge. So Mr. Jackson had returned to his family home, pleased to be back. However, he still had a significant influence on how things were run on the ranches, and Mike was reaching out to the source when he wrote to his father that night, putting forward Wyatt's qualifications and ability to handle any job that might come his way.
The reflection that he had done all that could be done tended to console him for the non-appearance of Wyatt either that night or next morning—a non-appearance which was due to the simple fact that he passed that night in a bed in Mr. Wain’s dressing-room, the door of which that cautious pedagogue, who believed in taking no chances, locked from the outside on retiring to rest.
The thought that he had done everything possible comforted him regarding Wyatt not showing up either that night or the next morning—a lack of appearance that was simply because he spent that night in a bed in Mr. Wain’s dressing room, the door of which that careful teacher, who preferred to play it safe, locked from the outside before going to bed.
CHAPTER XXVII
THE RIPTON MATCH
Mike got an answer from his father on the morning of the Ripton match. A letter from Wyatt also lay on his plate when he came down to breakfast.
Mike received a response from his dad on the morning of the Ripton match. There was also a letter from Wyatt on his plate when he came down for breakfast.
Mr. Jackson’s letter was short, but to the point. He said he would go and see Wyatt early in the next week. He added that being expelled from a public school was not the only qualification for success as a sheep-farmer, but that, if Mike’s friend added to this a general intelligence and amiability, and a skill for picking off cats with an air-pistol and bull’s-eyes with a Lee-Enfield, there was no reason why something should not be done for him. In any case he would buy him a lunch, so that Wyatt would extract at least some profit from his visit. He said that he hoped something could be managed. It was a pity that a boy accustomed to shoot cats should be condemned for the rest of his life to shoot nothing more exciting than his cuffs.
Mr. Jackson’s letter was brief, but direct. He mentioned he would visit Wyatt early next week. He added that getting kicked out of a public school wasn’t the only thing needed to succeed as a sheep farmer. However, if Mike’s friend paired that with some general smarts and a friendly attitude, along with the ability to shoot cats with an air pistol and hit bull’s-eyes with a Lee-Enfield, there was no reason something couldn’t be done for him. In any case, he would buy him lunch so Wyatt could at least get some benefit from the visit. He expressed hope that something could be arranged. It was a shame that a boy used to shooting cats might end up stuck only shooting his cuffs for the rest of his life.
Wyatt’s letter was longer. It might have been published under the title “My First Day in a Bank, by a Beginner.” His advent had apparently caused little sensation. He had first had a brief conversation with the manager, which had run as follows:
Wyatt’s letter was longer. It might have been published under the title “My First Day in a Bank, by a Beginner.” His arrival had apparently not stirred much excitement. He first had a brief chat with the manager, which went like this:
“Mr. Wyatt?”
"Hey, Mr. Wyatt?"
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing, sir.”
“H’m ... Sportsman?”
“Hmm ... Athlete?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Okay, sir.”
“Cricketer?”
"Cricket player?"
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Play football?”
"Play soccer?"
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“H’m ... Racquets?”
“Hmm ... Rackets?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Everything?”
"All of it?"
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“H’m ... Well, you won’t get any more of it now.”
“H’m ... Well, you’re not getting any more of it now.”
After which a Mr. Blenkinsop had led him up to a vast ledger, in which he was to inscribe the addresses of all out-going letters. These letters he would then stamp, and subsequently take in bundles to the post office. Once a week he would be required to buy stamps. “If I were one of those Napoleons of Finance,” wrote Wyatt, “I should cook the accounts, I suppose, and embezzle stamps to an incredible amount. But it doesn’t seem in my line. I’m afraid I wasn’t cut out for a business career. Still, I have stamped this letter at the expense of the office, and entered it up under the heading ‘Sundries,’ which is a sort of start. Look out for an article in the Wrykynian, ‘Hints for Young Criminals, by J. Wyatt, champion catch-as-catch-can stamp-stealer of the British Isles.’ So long. I suppose you are playing against Ripton, now that the world of commerce has found that it can’t get on without me. Mind you make a century, and then perhaps Burgess’ll give you your first after all. There were twelve colours given three years ago, because one chap left at half-term and the man who played instead of him came off against Ripton.”
After that, Mr. Blenkinsop took him to a huge ledger where he needed to write down the addresses of all outgoing letters. He would stamp these letters and then take them in bundles to the post office. Once a week, he had to buy stamps. “If I were one of those finance moguls,” Wyatt wrote, “I’d probably cook the books and embezzle stamps like crazy. But that's not really my style. I’m afraid I’m not made for a business career. Still, I have stamped this letter at the office’s expense and noted it under ‘Sundries,’ which is a start. Watch for an article in the Wrykynian, ‘Hints for Young Criminals, by J. Wyatt, reigning champion of stamp-stealing in the British Isles.’ So long. I assume you’re playing against Ripton now that the business world has realized it can’t get by without me. Make sure to score a century, and maybe Burgess will finally give you your first after all. Three years ago, there were twelve colors handed out because one guy left at half-term, and the guy who replaced him scored against Ripton.”
This had occurred to Mike independently. The Ripton match was a special event, and the man who performed any outstanding feat against that school was treated as a sort of Horatius. Honours were heaped upon him. If he could only make a century! or even fifty. Even twenty, if it got the school out of a tight place. He was as nervous on the Saturday morning as he had been on the morning of the M.C.C. match. It was Victory or Westminster Abbey now. To do only averagely well, to be among the ruck, would be as useless as not playing at all, as far as his chance of his first was concerned.
This had come to Mike on his own. The Ripton match was a big deal, and whoever pulled off an impressive feat against that school was treated like a hero. They received a lot of attention and praise. If he could just score a century! Or even fifty. Even twenty, if it helped the school out of a tough spot. He was just as nervous on Saturday morning as he had been on the morning of the M.C.C. match. It was all or nothing now. Doing just okay, being average, would be as pointless as not playing at all when it came to his chance at his first.
It was evident to those who woke early on the Saturday morning that this Ripton match was not likely to end in a draw. During the Friday rain had fallen almost incessantly in a steady drizzle. It had stopped late at night; and at six in the morning there was every prospect of another hot day. There was that feeling in the air which shows that the sun is trying to get through the clouds. The sky was a dull grey at breakfast time, except where a flush of deeper colour gave a hint of the sun. It was a day on which to win the toss, and go in first. At eleven-thirty, when the match was timed to begin, the wicket would be too wet to be difficult. Runs would come easily till the sun came out and began to dry the ground. When that happened there would be trouble for the side that was batting.
It was clear to those who got up early on Saturday morning that this Ripton match probably wouldn’t end in a draw. On Friday, it had rained almost nonstop, just a steady drizzle. The rain stopped late at night, and by six in the morning, it looked like it would be another hot day. You could feel in the air that the sun was trying to break through the clouds. The sky was a dull gray at breakfast, except for some patches of deeper color hinting at the sun. It was a day to win the toss and bat first. By the time the match was supposed to start at eleven-thirty, the pitch would still be wet but manageable. Runs would come easily until the sun came out and started drying the ground. Once that happened, the batting side would be in trouble.
Burgess, inspecting the wicket with Mr. Spence during the quarter to eleven interval, was not slow to recognise this fact.
Burgess, checking the wicket with Mr. Spence during the quarter to eleven break, quickly realized this fact.
“I should win the toss to-day, if I were you, Burgess,” said Mr. Spence.
“I should win the toss today if I were you, Burgess,” said Mr. Spence.
“Just what I was thinking, sir.”
“Exactly what I was thinking, sir.”
“That wicket’s going to get nasty after lunch, if the sun comes out. A regular Rhodes wicket it’s going to be.”
“That pitch is going to get rough after lunch if the sun comes out. It’s going to be a typical Rhodes pitch.”
“I wish we had Rhodes,” said Burgess. “Or even Wyatt. It would just suit him, this.”
“I wish we had Rhodes,” said Burgess. “Or even Wyatt. This would be perfect for him.”
Mr. Spence, as a member of the staff, was not going to be drawn into discussing Wyatt and his premature departure, so he diverted the conversation on to the subject of the general aspect of the school’s attack.
Mr. Spence, as a staff member, wasn't going to get pulled into talking about Wyatt and his early departure, so he shifted the conversation to the overall view of the school's attack.
“Who will go on first with you, Burgess?”
“Who will go first with you, Burgess?”
“Who do you think, sir? Ellerby? It might be his wicket.”
“Who do you think, sir? Ellerby? That could be his out.”
Ellerby bowled medium inclining to slow. On a pitch that suited him he was apt to turn from leg and get people out caught at the wicket or short slip.
Ellerby bowled at a medium pace, leaning towards slow. On a pitch that suited him, he was likely to turn the ball from leg and get people out caught at the wicket or short slip.
“Certainly, Ellerby. This end, I think. The other’s yours, though I’m afraid you’ll have a poor time bowling fast to-day. Even with plenty of sawdust I doubt if it will be possible to get a decent foothold till after lunch.”
“Sure thing, Ellerby. This end is mine, but the other one’s yours. I’m sorry to say you’ll probably have a tough time bowling fast today. Even with a lot of sawdust, I don't think you'll be able to get a good grip until after lunch.”
“I must win the toss,” said Burgess. “It’s a nuisance too, about our batting. Marsh will probably be dead out of form after being in the Infirmary so long. If he’d had a chance of getting a bit of practice yesterday, it might have been all right.”
“I have to win the toss,” said Burgess. “It’s really annoying about our batting. Marsh will probably be totally out of form after being in the infirmary for so long. If he’d had a chance to get a bit of practice yesterday, it might have been okay.”
“That rain will have a lot to answer for if we lose. On a dry, hard wicket I’m certain we should beat them four times out of six. I was talking to a man who played against them for the Nomads. He said that on a true wicket there was not a great deal of sting in their bowling, but that they’ve got a slow leg-break man who might be dangerous on a day like this. A boy called de Freece. I don’t know of him. He wasn’t in the team last year.”
“That rain is going to be a big deal if we lose. On a dry, hard pitch, I’m sure we’d beat them four times out of six. I was talking to a guy who played against them for the Nomads. He said that on a good pitch, their bowling isn't very threatening, but they have a slow leg-spinner who could be tricky on a day like this. A guy named de Freece. I don’t know who he is. He wasn't on the team last year.”
“I know the chap. He played wing three for them at footer against us this year on their ground. He was crocked when they came here. He’s a pretty useful chap all round, I believe. Plays racquets for them too.”
“I know the guy. He played wing three for them in soccer against us this year on their field. He was injured when they came here. He’s a pretty handy player all around, I believe. He plays racquets for them too.”
“Well, my friend said he had one very dangerous ball, of the Bosanquet type. Looks as if it were going away, and comes in instead.”
“Well, my friend said he had one really tricky ball, the Bosanquet kind. It looks like it’s going out, but then it comes back in instead.”
“I don’t think a lot of that,” said Burgess ruefully. “One consolation is, though, that that sort of ball is easier to watch on a slow wicket. I must tell the fellows to look out for it.”
“I don’t think much of that,” Burgess said with a hint of regret. “One good thing, though, is that that kind of play is easier to follow on a slow pitch. I should tell the guys to keep an eye out for it.”
“I should. And, above all, win the toss.”
“I should. And, most importantly, win the toss.”
Burgess and Maclaine, the Ripton captain, were old acquaintances. They had been at the same private school, and they had played against one another at football and cricket for two years now.
Burgess and Maclaine, the captain of Ripton, were old friends. They had attended the same private school and had been playing against each other in football and cricket for two years now.
“We’ll go in first, Mac,” said Burgess, as they met on the pavilion steps after they had changed.
“We’ll go in first, Mac,” said Burgess, as they met on the pavilion steps after changing.
“It’s awfully good of you to suggest it,” said Maclaine. “but I think we’ll toss. It’s a hobby of mine. You call.”
“It’s really nice of you to suggest it,” said Maclaine. “but I think we’ll skip it. It’s a hobby of mine. You call.”
“Heads.”
“Heads up.”
“Tails it is. I ought to have warned you that you hadn’t a chance. I’ve lost the toss five times running, so I was bound to win to-day.”
“Tails it is. I should have let you know that you didn’t stand a chance. I’ve lost the coin toss five times in a row, so I was due for a win today.”
“You’ll put us in, I suppose?”
“You're going to include us, I guess?”
“Yes—after us.”
"Yes—after us."
“Oh, well, we sha’n’t have long to wait for our knock, that’s a comfort. Buck up and send some one in, and let’s get at you.”
“Oh, well, we won’t have to wait long for our knock, which is comforting. Cheer up and send someone in, and let’s get to you.”
And Burgess went off to tell the ground-man to have plenty of sawdust ready, as he would want the field paved with it.
And Burgess went to tell the ground guy to get a lot of sawdust ready because he would need to cover the field with it.
The policy of the Ripton team was obvious from the first over. They meant to force the game. Already the sun was beginning to peep through the haze. For about an hour run-getting ought to be a tolerably simple process; but after that hour singles would be as valuable as threes and boundaries an almost unheard-of luxury.
The Ripton team's strategy was clear from the first over. They intended to take control of the game. The sun was starting to break through the mist. For about an hour, scoring runs should be pretty straightforward; but after that, singles would be as precious as threes, and boundaries would be an almost rare treat.
So Ripton went in to hit.
So Ripton went in to bat.
The policy proved successful for a time, as it generally does. Burgess, who relied on a run that was a series of tiger-like leaps culminating in a spring that suggested that he meant to lower the long jump record, found himself badly handicapped by the state of the ground. In spite of frequent libations of sawdust, he was compelled to tread cautiously, and this robbed his bowling of much of its pace. The score mounted rapidly. Twenty came in ten minutes. At thirty-five the first wicket fell, run out.
The policy worked well for a while, as it often does. Burgess, who relied on a series of tiger-like leaps leading to a jump that seemed aimed at breaking the long jump record, found himself seriously hindered by the condition of the ground. Despite regularly using sawdust to improve the surface, he had to tread carefully, which slowed down his bowling considerably. The score climbed quickly. Twenty runs came in ten minutes. At thirty-five, the first wicket fell, run out.
At sixty Ellerby, who had found the pitch too soft for him and had been expensive, gave place to Grant. Grant bowled what were supposed to be slow leg-breaks, but which did not always break. The change worked.
At sixty, Ellerby, who found the pitch too soft for him and had been costly, made way for Grant. Grant bowled what were meant to be slow leg-breaks, but they didn't always curve. The switch paid off.
Maclaine, after hitting the first two balls to the boundary, skied the third to Bob Jackson in the deep, and Bob, for whom constant practice had robbed this sort of catch of its terrors, held it.
Maclaine, after hitting the first two balls to the boundary, popped the third one up to Bob Jackson in the deep, and Bob, for whom constant practice had taken the fear out of this kind of catch, caught it.
A yorker from Burgess disposed of the next man before he could settle down; but the score, seventy-four for three wickets, was large enough in view of the fact that the pitch was already becoming more difficult, and was certain to get worse, to make Ripton feel that the advantage was with them. Another hour of play remained before lunch. The deterioration of the wicket would be slow during that period. The sun, which was now shining brightly, would put in its deadliest work from two o’clock onwards. Maclaine’s instructions to his men were to go on hitting.
A yorker from Burgess got rid of the next batter before he could get comfortable; however, with the score at seventy-four for three wickets, it was substantial enough considering the pitch was already becoming trickier and was bound to deteriorate further, making Ripton feel like they had the upper hand. There was another hour of play left before lunch. The decline of the pitch would be gradual during that time. The sun, now shining brightly, would do its worst starting from two o’clock onwards. Maclaine instructed his guys to keep hitting.
A too liberal interpretation of the meaning of the verb “to hit” led to the departure of two more Riptonians in the course of the next two overs. There is a certain type of school batsman who considers that to force the game means to swipe blindly at every ball on the chance of taking it half-volley. This policy sometimes leads to a boundary or two, as it did on this occasion, but it means that wickets will fall, as also happened now. Seventy-four for three became eighty-six for five. Burgess began to look happier.
A very flexible interpretation of the verb “to hit” resulted in two more players from Ripton being out in the next two overs. There’s a certain kind of school batsman who thinks that to take charge of the game means swinging wildly at every ball in hopes of hitting it on the half-volley. This approach sometimes results in a boundary or two, as it did this time, but it also means that wickets will fall, which happened here as well. The score went from seventy-four for three to eighty-six for five. Burgess started to look more cheerful.
His contentment increased when he got the next man leg-before-wicket with the total unaltered. At this rate Ripton would be out before lunch for under a hundred.
His satisfaction grew when he got the next guy out leg-before-wicket with the score still the same. At this rate, Ripton would be out before lunch for under a hundred.
But the rot stopped with the fall of that wicket. Dashing tactics were laid aside. The pitch had begun to play tricks, and the pair now in settled down to watch the ball. They plodded on, scoring slowly and jerkily till the hands of the clock stood at half-past one. Then Ellerby, who had gone on again instead of Grant, beat the less steady of the pair with a ball that pitched on the middle stump and shot into the base of the off. A hundred and twenty had gone up on the board at the beginning of the over.
But the decline stopped with the fall of that wicket. Aggressive tactics were put aside. The pitch had started to behave unpredictably, and the pair now focused on watching the ball. They trudged on, scoring slowly and in fits until the clock showed half-past one. Then Ellerby, who had returned instead of Grant, outmatched the less stable of the pair with a ball that pitched on the middle stump and seized into the base of the off. One hundred and twenty had been put up on the board at the start of the over.
That period which is always so dangerous, when the wicket is bad, the ten minutes before lunch, proved fatal to two more of the enemy. The last man had just gone to the wickets, with the score at a hundred and thirty-one, when a quarter to two arrived, and with it the luncheon interval.
That time, which is always so risky—when the pitch is poor—just ten minutes before lunch, turned out to be deadly for two more of the opposing team. The last player had just stepped up to bat, with the score at one hundred and thirty-one, when it was a quarter to two, signaling the lunch break.
So far it was anybody’s game.
So far, it was anyone's game.
CHAPTER XXVIII
MIKE WINS HOME
The Ripton last-wicket man was de Freece, the slow bowler. He was apparently a young gentleman wholly free from the curse of nervousness. He wore a cheerful smile as he took guard before receiving the first ball after lunch, and Wrykyn had plenty of opportunity of seeing that that was his normal expression when at the wickets. There is often a certain looseness about the attack after lunch, and the bowler of googlies took advantage of it now. He seemed to be a batsman with only one hit; but he had also a very accurate eye, and his one hit, a semicircular stroke, which suggested the golf links rather than the cricket field, came off with distressing frequency. He mowed Burgess’s first ball to the square-leg boundary, missed his second, and snicked the third for three over long-slip’s head. The other batsman played out the over, and de Freece proceeded to treat Ellerby’s bowling with equal familiarity. The scoring-board showed an increase of twenty as the result of three overs. Every run was invaluable now, and the Ripton contingent made the pavilion re-echo as a fluky shot over mid-on’s head sent up the hundred and fifty.
The last-wicket player for Ripton was de Freece, the slow bowler. He was clearly a young guy who was completely free from nervousness. He wore a cheerful smile as he got ready to face the first ball after lunch, and Wrykyn had plenty of chances to see that this was his usual expression at the wickets. There's often a certain looseness in the attack after lunch, and the googly bowler took advantage of it. He seemed like a batsman with just one shot, but he also had a very accurate eye, and his one shot, a semicircular swing that looked more like something from a golf course than a cricket field, worked out disturbingly well. He hit Burgess’s first ball to the square-leg boundary, missed his second, and nicked the third for three runs over long-slip’s head. The other batsman finished the over, and de Freece went on to handle Ellerby’s bowling with the same ease. The scoreboard showed an increase of twenty runs from three overs. Every run was crucial now, and the Ripton fans filled the pavilion with cheers as a lucky shot flew over mid-on’s head, bringing them to one hundred and fifty.
There are few things more exasperating to the fielding side than a last-wicket stand. It resembles in its effect the dragging-out of a book or play after the dénouement has been reached. At the fall of the ninth wicket the fieldsmen nearly always look on their outing as finished. Just a ball or two to the last man, and it will be their turn to bat. If the last man insists on keeping them out in the field, they resent it.
There are few things more frustrating for the fielding team than a last-wicket stand. It's like dragging out a book or play after the climax has already happened. When the ninth wicket falls, the fielders usually think their job is done. Just a ball or two to the last guy, and it'll be their turn to bat. If the last guy insists on making them stay out on the field, they really don't appreciate it.
What made it especially irritating now was the knowledge that a straight yorker would solve the whole thing. But when Burgess bowled a yorker, it was not straight. And when he bowled a straight ball, it was not a yorker. A four and a three to de Freece, and a four bye sent up a hundred and sixty.
What was especially annoying now was knowing that a straight yorker would fix everything. But when Burgess bowled a yorker, it wasn’t straight. And when he bowled a straight ball, it wasn’t a yorker. A four and a three to de Freece, plus a four bye, brought the total to one hundred sixty.
It was beginning to look as if this might go on for ever, when Ellerby, who had been missing the stumps by fractions of an inch, for the last ten minutes, did what Burgess had failed to do. He bowled a straight, medium-paced yorker, and de Freece, swiping at it with a bright smile, found his leg-stump knocked back. He had made twenty-eight. His record score, he explained to Mike, as they walked to the pavilion, for this or any ground.
It was starting to seem like this could go on forever when Ellerby, who had been missing the stumps by mere inches for the last ten minutes, did what Burgess had failed to do. He bowled a straight, medium-paced yorker, and de Freece, swiping at it with a big grin, found his leg stump knocked back. He had scored twenty-eight. His record score, he told Mike, as they walked to the pavilion, for this ground or any other.
The Ripton total was a hundred and sixty-six.
The total for Ripton was one hundred sixty-six.
With the ground in its usual true, hard condition, Wrykyn would have gone in against a score of a hundred and sixty-six with the cheery intention of knocking off the runs for the loss of two or three wickets. It would have been a gentle canter for them.
With the ground in its typical hard condition, Wrykyn would have taken on a target of one hundred sixty-six with the optimistic plan of chasing down the runs while losing only two or three wickets. It would have been an easy stroll for them.
But ordinary standards would not apply here. On a good wicket Wrykyn that season were a two hundred and fifty to three hundred side. On a bad wicket—well, they had met the Incogniti on a bad wicket, and their total—with Wyatt playing and making top score—had worked out at a hundred and seven.
But normal standards wouldn’t apply here. On a good pitch, Wrykyn that season was a two hundred and fifty to three hundred team. On a bad pitch—well, they faced the Incogniti on a bad pitch, and their total—with Wyatt playing and scoring the highest—ended up at a hundred and seven.
A grim determination to do their best, rather than confidence that their best, when done, would be anything record-breaking, was the spirit which animated the team when they opened their innings.
A serious resolve to give their best, rather than a belief that their best would be anything extraordinary, was the motivation that drove the team as they began their innings.
And in five minutes this had changed to a dull gloom.
And in five minutes, this turned into a dull gloom.
The tragedy started with the very first ball. It hardly seemed that the innings had begun, when Morris was seen to leave the crease, and make for the pavilion.
The tragedy began with the very first ball. It barely seemed like the innings had started when Morris was spotted leaving the crease and heading for the pavilion.
“It’s that googly man,” said Burgess blankly.
“It’s that weird guy,” said Burgess blankly.
“What’s happened?” shouted a voice from the interior of the first eleven room.
“What’s going on?” shouted a voice from inside the first eleven room.
“Morris is out.”
“Morris is unavailable.”
“Good gracious! How?” asked Ellerby, emerging from the room with one pad on his leg and the other in his hand.
“Good gracious! How?” asked Ellerby, coming out of the room with one pad on his leg and the other in his hand.
“L.-b.-w. First ball.”
“L.-b.-w. First ball.”
“My aunt! Who’s in next? Not me?”
“My aunt! Who’s up next? Not me?”
“No. Berridge. For goodness sake, Berry, stick a bat in the way, and not your legs. Watch that de Freece man like a hawk. He breaks like sin all over the shop. Hullo, Morris! Bad luck! Were you out, do you think?” A batsman who has been given l.-b.-w. is always asked this question on his return to the pavilion, and he answers it in nine cases out of ten in the negative. Morris was the tenth case. He thought it was all right, he said.
“No. Berridge. For goodness' sake, Berry, put a bat in the way, not your legs. Keep an eye on that de Freece guy like a hawk. He messes up all over the place. Hey, Morris! Tough break! Do you think you were out?” A batsman who has been given out leg before wicket is always asked this question when he returns to the pavilion, and he answers it negatively nine times out of ten. Morris was the exception. He thought he was fine, he said.
“Thought the thing was going to break, but it didn’t.”
“Thought it was going to break, but it didn’t.”
“Hear that, Berry? He doesn’t always break. You must look out for that,” said Burgess helpfully. Morris sat down and began to take off his pads.
“Hear that, Berry? He doesn’t always break. You need to watch for that,” said Burgess, trying to be helpful. Morris sat down and started taking off his pads.
“That chap’ll have Berry, if he doesn’t look out,” he said.
“That guy’s going to get Berry if he’s not careful,” he said.
But Berridge survived the ordeal. He turned his first ball to leg for a single.
But Berridge got through the tough situation. He hit his first ball to the leg side for a single.
This brought Marsh to the batting end; and the second tragedy occurred.
This brought Marsh to the batting end, and the second tragedy happened.
It was evident from the way he shaped that Marsh was short of practice. His visit to the Infirmary had taken the edge off his batting. He scratched awkwardly at three balls without hitting them. The last of the over had him in two minds. He started to play forward, changed his stroke suddenly and tried to step back, and the next moment the bails had shot up like the débris of a small explosion, and the wicket-keeper was clapping his gloved hands gently and slowly in the introspective, dreamy way wicket-keepers have on these occasions.
It was clear from his stance that Marsh needed more practice. His time at the Infirmary had thrown off his batting. He awkwardly scratched at three balls without connecting. The last delivery left him confused. He began to play forward, suddenly changed his swing, and tried to step back, and in the next instant, the bails flew off like the remnants of a small explosion. The wicket-keeper was gently and slowly clapping his gloved hands in that thoughtful, dreamy way wicket-keepers do in moments like these.
A silence that could be felt brooded over the pavilion.
A palpable silence hung over the pavilion.
The voice of the scorer, addressing from his little wooden hut the melancholy youth who was working the telegraph-board, broke it.
The voice of the scorer, speaking from his small wooden hut to the sad young man operating the telegraph board, interrupted him.
“One for two. Last man duck.”
“One for two. Last man down.”
Ellerby echoed the remark. He got up, and took off his blazer.
Ellerby repeated the comment. He stood up and took off his blazer.
“This is all right,” he said, “isn’t it! I wonder if the man at the other end is a sort of young Rhodes too!”
“This is fine,” he said, “isn’t it? I wonder if the guy on the other end is like a young Rhodes too!”
Fortunately he was not. The star of the Ripton attack was evidently de Freece. The bowler at the other end looked fairly plain. He sent them down medium-pace, and on a good wicket would probably have been simple. But to-day there was danger in the most guileless-looking deliveries.
Fortunately, he wasn't. The standout player in the Ripton attack was clearly de Freece. The bowler at the other end seemed pretty average. He bowled medium pace, and on a good pitch, he would have probably been easy to handle. But today, even the simplest-looking deliveries were full of danger.
Berridge relieved the tension a little by playing safely through the over, and scoring a couple of twos off it. And when Ellerby not only survived the destructive de Freece’s second over, but actually lifted a loose ball on to the roof of the scoring-hut, the cloud began perceptibly to lift. A no-ball in the same over sent up the first ten. Ten for two was not good; but it was considerably better than one for two.
Berridge eased the tension a bit by playing it safe through the over and scoring a couple of twos. And when Ellerby not only survived de Freece’s brutal second over but actually hit a loose ball onto the roof of the scoring hut, things started to look up. A no-ball in the same over added the first ten runs. Ten for two wasn’t great, but it was definitely better than one for two.
With the score at thirty, Ellerby was missed in the slips off de Freece. He had been playing with slowly increasing confidence till then, but this seemed to throw him out of his stride. He played inside the next ball, and was all but bowled: and then, jumping out to drive, he was smartly stumped. The cloud began to settle again.
With the score at thirty, Ellerby was overlooked in the slips off de Freece. He had been playing with growing confidence until that point, but this seemed to disrupt his rhythm. He played inside the next ball and nearly got bowled out; then, when he jumped out to drive, he got stumped quickly. The cloud began to settle again.
Bob was the next man in.
Bob was the next one in.
Ellerby took off his pads, and dropped into the chair next to Mike’s. Mike was silent and thoughtful. He was in after Bob, and to be on the eve of batting does not make one conversational.
Ellerby removed his pads and slumped into the chair next to Mike. Mike was quiet and pensive. He had just finished up after Bob, and being on the brink of batting doesn’t exactly encourage chatting.
“You in next?” asked Ellerby.
"Are you next?" asked Ellerby.
Mike nodded.
Mike agreed.
“It’s getting trickier every minute,” said Ellerby. “The only thing is, if we can only stay in, we might have a chance. The wicket’ll get better, and I don’t believe they’ve any bowling at all bar de Freece. By George, Bob’s out!... No, he isn’t.”
“It’s getting trickier every minute,” said Ellerby. “The only thing is, if we can just stay in, we might have a chance. The pitch will improve, and I don’t think they have any bowlers except de Freece. Wow, Bob’s out!... No, he isn’t.”
Bob had jumped out at one of de Freece’s slows, as Ellerby had done, and had nearly met the same fate. The wicket-keeper, however, had fumbled the ball.
Bob had jumped at one of de Freece’s slow deliveries, like Ellerby had, and almost faced the same outcome. However, the wicket-keeper fumbled the ball.
“That’s the way I was had,” said Ellerby. “That man’s keeping such a jolly good length that you don’t know whether to stay in your ground or go out at them. If only somebody would knock him off his length, I believe we might win yet.”
"That’s how I was raised," said Ellerby. "That guy is keeping his distance so well that you can't tell whether to hold your ground or go at him. If only someone could break his rhythm, I think we might still win."
The same idea apparently occurred to Burgess. He came to where Mike was sitting.
The same idea seems to have struck Burgess. He walked over to where Mike was sitting.
“I’m going to shove you down one, Jackson,” he said. “I shall go in next myself and swipe, and try and knock that man de Freece off.”
“I’m going to push you down one, Jackson,” he said. “I’ll go in next myself and take a swing, and try to knock that guy de Freece off.”
“All right,” said Mike. He was not quite sure whether he was glad or sorry at the respite.
“All right,” Mike said. He wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or disappointed by the break.
“It’s a pity old Wyatt isn’t here,” said Ellerby. “This is just the sort of time when he might have come off.”
“It’s too bad old Wyatt isn’t here,” said Ellerby. “This is exactly the kind of time when he might have shown up.”
“Bob’s broken his egg,” said Mike.
“Bob's broken his egg,” Mike said.
“Good man. Every little helps.... Oh, you silly ass, get back!”
“Good man. Every little bit helps.... Oh, you silly fool, get back!”
Berridge had called Bob for a short run that was obviously no run. Third man was returning the ball as the batsmen crossed. The next moment the wicket-keeper had the bails off. Berridge was out by a yard.
Berridge had called Bob for a quick run that was clearly not a run. The fielder was returning the ball as the batsmen crossed. The next moment, the wicket-keeper had the bails off. Berridge was out by a yard.
“Forty-one for four,” said Ellerby. “Help!”
“Forty-one for four,” said Ellerby. “Help!”
Burgess began his campaign against de Freece by skying his first ball over cover’s head to the boundary. A howl of delight went up from the school, which was repeated, fortissimo, when, more by accident than by accurate timing, the captain put on two more fours past extra-cover. The bowler’s cheerful smile never varied.
Burgess kicked off his campaign against de Freece by hitting his first ball over the cover fielder's head to the boundary. A cheer of excitement erupted from the school, which grew even louder when, more by chance than perfect timing, the captain hit two more fours past extra-cover. The bowler’s cheerful smile never changed.
Whether Burgess would have knocked de Freece off his length or not was a question that was destined to remain unsolved, for in the middle of the other bowler’s over Bob hit a single; the batsmen crossed; and Burgess had his leg-stump uprooted while trying a gigantic pull-stroke.
Whether Burgess would have dismissed de Freece or not was a question that was destined to remain unanswered, for in the middle of the other bowler’s over, Bob hit a single; the batsmen switched places; and Burgess had his leg-stump taken out while attempting a massive pull-shot.
The melancholy youth put up the figures, 54, 5, 12, on the board.
The sad young person put the numbers 54, 5, 12 on the board.
Mike, as he walked out of the pavilion to join Bob, was not conscious of any particular nervousness. It had been an ordeal having to wait and look on while wickets fell, but now that the time of inaction was at an end he felt curiously composed. When he had gone out to bat against the M.C.C. on the occasion of his first appearance for the school, he experienced a quaint sensation of unreality. He seemed to be watching his body walking to the wickets, as if it were some one else’s. There was no sense of individuality.
Mike, as he walked out of the pavilion to join Bob, didn’t feel particularly nervous. It had been tough waiting and watching wickets fall, but now that the waiting was over, he felt oddly calm. When he went out to bat against the M.C.C. for his first school appearance, he had a strange feeling of unreality. It was like he was watching someone else walk to the wickets instead of himself. He felt no sense of individuality.
But now his feelings were different. He was cool. He noticed small things—mid-off chewing bits of grass, the bowler re-tying the scarf round his waist, little patches of brown where the turf had been worn away. He took guard with a clear picture of the positions of the fieldsmen photographed on his brain.
But now his feelings had changed. He was relaxed. He noticed the little things—mid-off chewing bits of grass, the bowler re-tying the scarf around his waist, little patches of brown where the turf had worn away. He took his stance with a clear mental image of the positions of the fielders.
Fitness, which in a batsman exhibits itself mainly in an increased power of seeing the ball, is one of the most inexplicable things connected with cricket. It has nothing, or very little, to do with actual health. A man may come out of a sick-room with just that extra quickness in sighting the ball that makes all the difference; or he may be in perfect training and play inside straight half-volleys. Mike would not have said that he felt more than ordinarily well that day. Indeed, he was rather painfully conscious of having bolted his food at lunch. But something seemed to whisper to him, as he settled himself to face the bowler, that he was at the top of his batting form. A difficult wicket always brought out his latent powers as a bat. It was a standing mystery with the sporting Press how Joe Jackson managed to collect fifties and sixties on wickets that completely upset men who were, apparently, finer players. On days when the Olympians of the cricket world were bringing their averages down with ducks and singles, Joe would be in his element, watching the ball and pushing it through the slips as if there were no such thing as a tricky wicket. And Mike took after Joe.
Fitness, which in a batsman shows up mainly as an enhanced ability to see the ball, is one of the most baffling aspects of cricket. It has little to do with actual health. A guy might step out of a sick room with just that slight edge in spotting the ball that makes all the difference, or he could be in top shape and still play inside straight half-volleys. Mike wouldn't have said he felt particularly good that day. In fact, he was quite aware of having rushed through his lunch. But something seemed to tell him, as he prepared to face the bowler, that he was at the peak of his batting skills. A tough wicket always brought out his hidden talents as a batsman. It puzzled the sports press how Joe Jackson managed to score fifties and sixties on pitches that completely flustered players who were seemingly more skilled. On days when the stars of the cricket world were dragging their averages down with zeros and singles, Joe would thrive, watching the ball and guiding it through the slips as if tricky wickets didn’t exist. And Mike followed in Joe's footsteps.
A single off the fifth ball of the over opened his score and brought him to the opposite end. Bob played ball number six back to the bowler, and Mike took guard preparatory to facing de Freece.
A single off the fifth ball of the over got him on the scoreboard and moved him to the other end. Bob hit ball number six back to the bowler, and Mike took his stance to get ready to face de Freece.
The Ripton slow bowler took a long run, considering his pace. In the early part of an innings he often trapped the batsmen in this way, by leading them to expect a faster ball than he actually sent down. A queer little jump in the middle of the run increased the difficulty of watching him.
The Ripton slow bowler took a long run, considering his pace. In the early part of an innings, he often tricked the batsmen this way, making them expect a faster ball than he actually delivered. A strange little jump in the middle of his run made it even harder to keep an eye on him.
The smiting he had received from Burgess in the previous over had not had the effect of knocking de Freece off his length. The ball was too short to reach with comfort, and not short enough to take liberties with. It pitched slightly to leg, and whipped in quickly. Mike had faced half-left, and stepped back. The increased speed of the ball after it had touched the ground beat him. The ball hit his right pad.
The hit he took from Burgess in the last over didn’t knock de Freece off his game. The ball was too short to handle comfortably and not short enough to ignore. It pitched slightly to the leg and came in fast. Mike had faced slightly left and stepped back. The ball’s increased speed after it bounced got the better of him. The ball struck his right pad.
“’S that?” shouted mid-on. Mid-on has a habit of appealing for l.-b.-w. in school matches.
“What's that?” shouted mid-on. Mid-on has a tendency to appeal for leg before wicket in school matches.
De Freece said nothing. The Ripton bowler was as conscientious in the matter of appeals as a good bowler should be. He had seen that the ball had pitched off the leg-stump.
De Freece said nothing. The Ripton bowler was just as diligent about appeals as a good bowler should be. He had noticed that the ball had pitched outside the leg-stump.
The umpire shook his head. Mid-on tried to look as if he had not spoken.
The umpire shook his head. Mid-on tried to appear as though he hadn't said anything.
Mike prepared himself for the next ball with a glow of confidence. He felt that he knew where he was now. Till then he had not thought the wicket was so fast. The two balls he had played at the other end had told him nothing. They had been well pitched up, and he had smothered them. He knew what to do now. He had played on wickets of this pace at home against Saunders’s bowling, and Saunders had shown him the right way to cope with them.
Mike got ready for the next ball, feeling confident. He realized he understood the situation now. Until that point, he hadn't realized how fast the wicket was. The two balls he faced from the other end hadn't given him any clues. They were well-pitched, and he had managed to defend them. He knew how to handle it now. He had played on wickets like this back home against Saunders’s bowling, and Saunders had taught him the best way to deal with it.
The next ball was of the same length, but this time off the off-stump. Mike jumped out, and hit it before it had time to break. It flew along the ground through the gap between cover and extra-cover, a comfortable three.
The next ball was the same length, but this time it was outside the off-stump. Mike jumped out and hit it before it could break. It zipped along the ground through the gap between cover and extra-cover, a nice three.
Bob played out the over with elaborate care.
Bob carefully played out the over.
Off the second ball of the other man’s over Mike scored his first boundary. It was a long-hop on the off. He banged it behind point to the terrace-bank. The last ball of the over, a half-volley to leg, he lifted over the other boundary.
Off the second ball of the other guy's over, Mike scored his first boundary. It was a long-hop on the off side. He slammed it behind point to the terrace bank. The last ball of the over, a half-volley to leg, he lifted over the other boundary.
“Sixty up,” said Ellerby, in the pavilion, as the umpire signalled another no-ball. “By George! I believe these chaps are going to knock off the runs. Young Jackson looks as if he was in for a century.”
“Sixty runs,” said Ellerby, in the pavilion, as the umpire signaled another no-ball. “Wow! I think these guys are really going to get the runs. Young Jackson seems like he’s set for a century.”
“You ass,” said Berridge. “Don’t say that, or he’s certain to get out.”
“You idiot,” said Berridge. “Don’t say that, or he’s definitely going to get out.”
Berridge was one of those who are skilled in cricket superstitions.
Berridge was one of those who are skilled in cricket superstitions.
But Mike did not get out. He took seven off de Freece’s next over by means of two cuts and a drive. And, with Bob still exhibiting a stolid and rock-like defence, the score mounted to eighty, thence to ninety, and so, mainly by singles, to a hundred.
But Mike didn’t get out. He scored seven runs off de Freece’s next over with two cuts and a drive. And, with Bob still showing a solid and unyielding defense, the score climbed to eighty, then to ninety, and, mostly through singles, reached a hundred.
At a hundred and four, when the wicket had put on exactly fifty, Bob fell to a combination of de Freece and extra-cover. He had stuck like a limpet for an hour and a quarter, and made twenty-one.
At a hundred and four, when the score had reached exactly fifty, Bob got out due to a combination of de Freece and an extra-cover shot. He had held on like a limpet for an hour and a quarter and scored twenty-one.
Mike watched him go with much the same feelings as those of a man who turns away from the platform after seeing a friend off on a long railway journey. His departure upset the scheme of things. For himself he had no fear now. He might possibly get out off his next ball, but he felt set enough to stay at the wickets till nightfall. He had had narrow escapes from de Freece, but he was full of that conviction, which comes to all batsmen on occasion, that this was his day. He had made twenty-six, and the wicket was getting easier. He could feel the sting going out of the bowling every over.
Mike watched him leave with feelings similar to those of a person who turns away from the platform after seeing a friend off on a long train journey. His departure disrupted everything. For himself, he felt no fear now. He might get out on his next ball, but he felt confident enough to stay at the wickets until nightfall. He had had close calls with de Freece, but he was filled with that sense, which all batsmen experience at times, that today was his day. He had scored twenty-six, and the pitch was getting easier. He could feel the intensity of the bowling fading with each over.
Henfrey, the next man in, was a promising rather than an effective bat. He had an excellent style, but he was uncertain. (Two years later, when he captained the Wrykyn teams, he made a lot of runs.) But this season his batting had been spasmodic.
Henfrey, the next guy in, was a promising but not very effective batter. He had a great style, but he was inconsistent. (Two years later, when he captained the Wrykyn teams, he scored a lot of runs.) But this season, his batting had been all over the place.
To-day he never looked like settling down. He survived an over from de Freece, and hit a fast change bowler who had been put on at the other end for a couple of fluky fours. Then Mike got the bowling for three consecutive overs, and raised the score to a hundred and twenty-six. A bye brought Henfrey to the batting end again, and de Freece’s pet googly, which had not been much in evidence hitherto, led to his snicking an easy catch into short-slip’s hands.
To-day he didn’t seem like he was going to settle down. He got through an over from de Freece and hit a fast bowler who had been brought in at the other end for a couple of lucky fours. Then Mike bowled for three straight overs, bringing the score to one hundred and twenty-six. A bye brought Henfrey back to the batting end, and de Freece’s signature googly, which hadn’t been much of a factor until now, caused him to nick an easy catch into the hands of the short-slip.
A hundred and twenty-seven for seven against a total of a hundred and sixty-six gives the impression that the batting side has the advantage. In the present case, however, it was Ripton who were really in the better position. Apparently, Wrykyn had three more wickets to fall. Practically they had only one, for neither Ashe, nor Grant, nor Devenish had any pretensions to be considered batsmen. Ashe was the school wicket-keeper. Grant and Devenish were bowlers. Between them the three could not be relied on for a dozen in a decent match.
A hundred and twenty-seven for seven against a total of one hundred and sixty-six suggests that the batting side has the upper hand. In this case, though, Ripton was actually in the better position. It seemed that Wrykyn had three more wickets to lose. In reality, they only had one left, as neither Ashe, Grant, nor Devenish could be considered real batsmen. Ashe was the school wicket-keeper, while Grant and Devenish were bowlers. Together, the three of them couldn't be counted on for a dozen runs in a decent match.
Mike watched Ashe shape with a sinking heart. The wicket-keeper looked like a man who feels that his hour has come. Mike could see him licking his lips. There was nervousness written all over him.
Mike watched Ashe shape up with a sinking heart. The wicket-keeper looked like someone who knew his time had come. Mike could see him licking his lips. There was nervousness all over him.
He was not kept long in suspense. De Freece’s first ball made a hideous wreck of his wicket.
He wasn’t left in suspense for long. De Freece’s first ball completely destroyed his wicket.
“Over,” said the umpire.
"Out," said the umpire.
Mike felt that the school’s one chance now lay in his keeping the bowling. But how was he to do this? It suddenly occurred to him that it was a delicate position that he was in. It was not often that he was troubled by an inconvenient modesty, but this happened now. Grant was a fellow he hardly knew, and a school prefect to boot. Could he go up to him and explain that he, Jackson, did not consider him competent to bat in this crisis? Would not this get about and be accounted to him for side? He had made forty, but even so....
Mike felt that the school’s only chance now rested on his ability to keep the bowling going. But how was he going to do that? It suddenly hit him that he was in a tricky situation. He usually wasn’t bothered by an awkward modesty, but right now he was. Grant was a guy he barely knew, and a school prefect to boot. Could he really go up to him and say that he, Jackson, didn’t think he was good enough to bat in this critical moment? Wouldn’t that get around and make him look bad? He had scored forty, but even so...
Fortunately Grant solved the problem on his own account. He came up to Mike and spoke with an earnestness born of nerves. “For goodness sake,” he whispered, “collar the bowling all you know, or we’re done. I shall get outed first ball.”
Fortunately, Grant figured out the problem on his own. He walked over to Mike and spoke with a seriousness that came from being on edge. “For goodness' sake,” he whispered, “get a handle on the bowling as best you can, or we’re done for. I’m going to get out on the very first ball.”
“All right,” said Mike, and set his teeth. Forty to win! A large order. But it was going to be done. His whole existence seemed to concentrate itself on those forty runs.
“All right,” said Mike, and gritted his teeth. Forty to win! A big challenge. But it was going to happen. His entire focus seemed to be on those forty runs.
The fast bowler, who was the last of several changes that had been tried at the other end, was well-meaning but erratic. The wicket was almost true again now, and it was possible to take liberties.
The fast bowler, who was the last of several changes that had been tried at the other end, was well-meaning but inconsistent. The wicket was almost reliable again now, and it was possible to take some risks.
Mike took them.
Mike took them.
A distant clapping from the pavilion, taken up a moment later all round the ground, and echoed by the Ripton fieldsmen, announced that he had reached his fifty.
A distant clapping from the pavilion, picked up moments later all around the field, and echoed by the Ripton players, announced that he had reached his fifty.
The last ball of the over he mishit. It rolled in the direction of third man.
The last ball of the over he misplayed. It rolled toward third man.
“Come on,” shouted Grant.
“Let's go,” shouted Grant.
Mike and the ball arrived at the opposite wicket almost simultaneously. Another fraction of a second, and he would have been run out.
Mike and the ball reached the opposite wicket almost at the same time. Just another split second, and he would have been out.
The last balls of the next two overs provided repetitions of this performance. But each time luck was with him, and his bat was across the crease before the bails were off. The telegraph-board showed a hundred and fifty.
The last balls of the next two overs kept repeating this performance. But each time luck was on his side, and his bat was in place before the bails were off. The scoreboard showed a hundred and fifty.
The next over was doubly sensational. The original medium-paced bowler had gone on again in place of the fast man, and for the first five balls he could not find his length. During those five balls Mike raised the score to a hundred and sixty.
The next over was really exciting. The original medium-paced bowler had taken over again instead of the fast bowler, and for the first five balls, he just couldn’t get his length right. During those five balls, Mike pushed the score up to a hundred and sixty.
But the sixth was of a different kind. Faster than the rest and of a perfect length, it all but got through Mike’s defence. As it was, he stopped it. But he did not score. The umpire called “Over!” and there was Grant at the batting end, with de Freece smiling pleasantly as he walked back to begin his run with the comfortable reflection that at last he had got somebody except Mike to bowl at.
But the sixth was different. Faster than the others and perfectly weighted, it nearly got past Mike's defense. As it turned out, he stopped it. But he didn't score. The umpire called, “Over!” and there was Grant at the batting end, with de Freece smiling contently as he walked back to start his run, feeling pleased that he finally had someone other than Mike to bowl at.
That over was an experience Mike never forgot.
That was an experience Mike never forgot.
Grant pursued the Fabian policy of keeping his bat almost immovable and trusting to luck. Point and the slips crowded round. Mid-off and mid-on moved half-way down the pitch. Grant looked embarrassed, but determined. For four balls he baffled the attack, though once nearly caught by point a yard from the wicket. The fifth curled round his bat, and touched the off-stump. A bail fell silently to the ground.
Grant stuck to his strategy of keeping his bat pretty still and hoping for the best. The point and slips crowded close. Mid-off and mid-on moved halfway down the pitch. Grant appeared uneasy but resolute. For four balls, he managed to confuse the bowlers, though he came close to getting caught by point just a yard from the wicket. The fifth ball curved around his bat and grazed the off-stump. One of the bails dropped silently to the ground.
Devenish came in to take the last ball of the over.
Devenish stepped in to face the last ball of the over.
It was an awe-inspiring moment. A great stillness was over all the ground. Mike’s knees trembled. Devenish’s face was a delicate grey.
It was an incredible moment. A deep calm spread across the entire area. Mike’s knees shook. Devenish’s face was a pale gray.
The only person unmoved seemed to be de Freece. His smile was even more amiable than usual as he began his run.
The only person who looked unfazed was de Freece. His smile was even friendlier than usual as he started his run.
The next moment the crisis was past. The ball hit the very centre of Devenish’s bat, and rolled back down the pitch.
The next moment, the crisis was over. The ball struck the center of Devenish’s bat and rolled back down the pitch.
The school broke into one great howl of joy. There were still seven runs between them and victory, but nobody appeared to recognise this fact as important. Mike had got the bowling, and the bowling was not de Freece’s.
The school erupted in a loud cheer of joy. There were still seven runs to go until victory, but no one seemed to think this was significant. Mike was on the bowling, and it wasn’t de Freece’s.
It seemed almost an anti-climax when a four to leg and two two’s through the slips settled the thing.
It felt like an anti-climax when a four to leg and two twos through the slips wrapped up the game.
Devenish was caught and bowled in de Freece’s next over; but the Wrykyn total was one hundred and seventy-two.
Devenish got out by being caught and bowled in de Freece’s next over; however, the Wrykyn total was one hundred seventy-two.
“Good game,” said Maclaine, meeting Burgess in the pavilion. “Who was the man who made all the runs? How many, by the way?”
“Good game,” said Maclaine, meeting Burgess in the pavilion. “Who was the guy who scored all the runs? How many, by the way?”
“Eighty-three. It was young Jackson. Brother of the other one.”
“Eighty-three. It was young Jackson. The brother of the other one.”
“That family! How many more of them are you going to have here?”
“That family! How many more of them are you planning to have here?”
“He’s the last. I say, rough luck on de Freece. He bowled rippingly.”
“He's the last. I say, tough break for de Freece. He bowled really well.”
Politeness to a beaten foe caused Burgess to change his usual “not bad.”
Politeness toward a defeated opponent led Burgess to switch up his usual response of “not bad.”
“The funny part of it is,” continued he, “that young Jackson was only playing as a sub.”
“The funny part is,” he continued, “that young Jackson was just playing as a sub.”
“You’ve got a rum idea of what’s funny,” said Maclaine.
“You’ve got a weird sense of humor,” said Maclaine.
CHAPTER XXIX
WYATT AGAIN
It was a morning in the middle of September. The Jacksons were breakfasting. Mr. Jackson was reading letters. The rest, including Gladys Maud, whose finely chiselled features were gradually disappearing behind a mask of bread-and-milk, had settled down to serious work. The usual catch-as-catch-can contest between Marjory and Phyllis for the jam (referee and time-keeper, Mrs. Jackson) had resulted, after both combatants had been cautioned by the referee, in a victory for Marjory, who had duly secured the stakes. The hour being nine-fifteen, and the official time for breakfast nine o’clock, Mike’s place was still empty.
It was a morning in the middle of September. The Jacksons were having breakfast. Mr. Jackson was reading letters. The rest, including Gladys Maud, whose finely chiseled features were slowly disappearing behind a mask of bread and milk, had settled in for serious work. The usual contest between Marjory and Phyllis for the jam (referee and timekeeper, Mrs. Jackson) had ended, after both competitors were cautioned by the referee, with Marjory winning, who had successfully claimed the jam. It was now nine-fifteen, and since breakfast was officially at nine o’clock, Mike’s seat was still empty.
“I’ve had a letter from MacPherson,” said Mr. Jackson.
“I got a letter from MacPherson,” said Mr. Jackson.
MacPherson was the vigorous and persevering gentleman, referred to in a previous chapter, who kept a fatherly eye on the Buenos Ayres sheep.
MacPherson was the energetic and determined gentleman mentioned in an earlier chapter, who kept a watchful eye on the sheep in Buenos Ayres.
“He seems very satisfied with Mike’s friend Wyatt. At the moment of writing Wyatt is apparently incapacitated owing to a bullet in the shoulder, but expects to be fit again shortly. That young man seems to make things fairly lively wherever he is. I don’t wonder he found a public school too restricted a sphere for his energies.”
“He seems really happy with Mike’s friend Wyatt. As I write this, Wyatt is apparently unable to move because of a bullet in his shoulder, but he expects to be back on his feet soon. That guy always brings a lot of energy wherever he goes. It’s no surprise to me that he found public school too limiting for his abilities.”
“Has he been fighting a duel?” asked Marjory, interested.
“Has he been in a duel?” asked Marjory, curious.
“Bushrangers,” said Phyllis.
“Outlaws,” said Phyllis.
“There aren’t any bushrangers in Buenos Ayres,” said Ella.
“There aren’t any bushrangers in Buenos Aires,” said Ella.
“How do you know?” said Phyllis clinchingly.
“How do you know?” Phyllis said decisively.
“Bush-ray, bush-ray, bush-ray,” began Gladys Maud, conversationally, through the bread-and-milk; but was headed off.
“Bush-ray, bush-ray, bush-ray,” started Gladys Maud, casually, between bites of her bread-and-milk; but she was interrupted.
“He gives no details. Perhaps that letter on Mike’s plate supplies them. I see it comes from Buenos Ayres.”
“He doesn’t provide any details. Maybe that letter on Mike’s plate has them. I notice it’s from Buenos Aires.”
“I wish Mike would come and open it,” said Marjory. “Shall I go and hurry him up?”
“I wish Mike would come and open it,” Marjory said. “Should I go and hurry him up?”
The missing member of the family entered as she spoke.
The missing family member walked in as she was speaking.
“Buck up, Mike,” she shouted. “There’s a letter from Wyatt. He’s been wounded in a duel.”
“Cheer up, Mike,” she shouted. “There’s a letter from Wyatt. He’s been hurt in a duel.”
“With a bushranger,” added Phyllis.
“With a bushranger,” Phyllis added.
“Bush-ray,” explained Gladys Maud.
“Bush ray,” explained Gladys Maud.
“Is there?” said Mike. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Is there?” Mike said. “Sorry I’m late.”
He opened the letter and began to read.
He opened the letter and started reading.
“What does he say?” inquired Marjory. “Who was the duel with?”
“What did he say?” Marjory asked. “Who was the duel against?”
“How many bushrangers were there?” asked Phyllis.
“How many bushrangers were there?” Phyllis asked.
Mike read on.
Mike kept reading.
“Good old Wyatt! He’s shot a man.”
“Good old Wyatt! He’s killed a guy.”
“Killed him?” asked Marjory excitedly.
“Did you kill him?” asked Marjory excitedly.
“No. Only potted him in the leg. This is what he says. First page is mostly about the Ripton match and so on. Here you are. ‘I’m dictating this to a sportsman of the name of Danvers, a good chap who can’t help being ugly, so excuse bad writing. The fact is we’ve been having a bust-up here, and I’ve come out of it with a bullet in the shoulder, which has crocked me for the time being. It happened like this. An ass of a Gaucho had gone into the town and got jolly tight, and coming back, he wanted to ride through our place. The old woman who keeps the lodge wouldn’t have it at any price. Gave him the absolute miss-in-baulk. So this rotter, instead of shifting off, proceeded to cut the fence, and go through that way. All the farms out here have their boundaries marked by wire fences, and it is supposed to be a deadly sin to cut these. Well, the lodge-keeper’s son dashed off in search of help. A chap called Chester, an Old Wykehamist, and I were dipping sheep close by, so he came to us and told us what had happened. We nipped on to a couple of horses, pulled out our revolvers, and tooled after him. After a bit we overtook him, and that’s when the trouble began. The johnny had dismounted when we arrived. I thought he was simply tightening his horse’s girths. What he was really doing was getting a steady aim at us with his revolver. He fired as we came up, and dropped poor old Chester. I thought he was killed at first, but it turned out it was only his leg. I got going then. I emptied all the six chambers of my revolver, and missed him clean every time. In the meantime he got me in the right shoulder. Hurt like sin afterwards, though it was only a sort of dull shock at the moment. The next item of the programme was a forward move in force on the part of the enemy. The man had got his knife out now—why he didn’t shoot again I don’t know—and toddled over in our direction to finish us off. Chester was unconscious, and it was any money on the Gaucho, when I happened to catch sight of Chester’s pistol, which had fallen just by where I came down. I picked it up, and loosed off. Missed the first shot, but got him with the second in the ankle at about two yards; and his day’s work was done. That’s the painful story. Danvers says he’s getting writer’s cramp, so I shall have to stop....’”
“No. I only shot him in the leg. This is what he says. The first page is mostly about the Ripton match and so on. Here you go. ‘I’m dictating this to a sportsman named Danvers, a good guy who can’t help being ugly, so excuse the bad handwriting. The truth is we had a fight here, and I ended up with a bullet in my shoulder, which is putting me out of commission for now. Here’s how it went down. A foolish Gaucho went into town and got really drunk, and on his way back, he wanted to ride through our property. The old woman who runs the lodge wouldn’t let him in for any reason. She completely turned him away. So this jerk, instead of leaving, went ahead and cut the fence to come through that way. All the farms out here have their boundaries marked by wire fences, and it’s considered a serious offense to cut these. Well, the lodge keeper’s son ran off for help. A guy named Chester, who went to Old Wykeham, and I were working with some sheep nearby, so he came to us and explained what was going on. We jumped on a couple of horses, pulled out our revolvers, and went after him. After a bit, we caught up with him, and that’s when the trouble started. The guy had gotten off his horse by the time we arrived. I thought he was just tightening his horse’s girths. What he was actually doing was aiming at us with his revolver. He fired as we approached, hitting poor old Chester. At first, I thought he was dead, but it turned out it was just his leg. That’s when I sprang into action. I fired all six rounds of my revolver and missed him every time. In the meantime, he shot me in the right shoulder. It hurt like hell afterward, but at the moment, it was just a dull shock. Next, the enemy made a move. The man had his knife out now—why he didn’t shoot again, I don’t know—and he came over in our direction to finish us off. Chester was unconscious, and it looked like it was game over for us, when I happened to notice Chester’s pistol, which had fallen right where I landed. I picked it up and fired. Missed the first shot, but got him in the ankle with the second one from about two yards away; and that was the end of his day. That’s the painful story. Danvers says he’s getting writer’s cramp, so I’ll have to stop....’”
“By Jove!” said Mike.
"By gosh!" said Mike.
“What a dreadful thing!” said Mrs. Jackson.
“What a terrible thing!” said Mrs. Jackson.
“Anyhow, it was practically a bushranger,” said Phyllis.
“Anyway, it was basically a bushranger,” said Phyllis.
“I told you it was a duel, and so it was,” said Marjory.
“I told you it was a duel, and it really was,” said Marjory.
“What a terrible experience for the poor boy!” said Mrs. Jackson.
“What a terrible experience for that poor boy!” said Mrs. Jackson.
“Much better than being in a beastly bank,” said Mike, summing up. “I’m glad he’s having such a ripping time. It must be almost as decent as Wrykyn out there.... I say, what’s under that dish?”
“Way better than being in a terrible bank,” said Mike, wrapping it up. “I’m glad he’s having such a great time. It must be nearly as nice as Wrykyn out there.... Hey, what’s under that dish?”
CHAPTER XXX
MR. JACKSON MAKES UP HIS MIND
Two years have elapsed and Mike is home again for the Easter holidays.
Two years have passed, and Mike is back home for the Easter holidays.
If Mike had been in time for breakfast that morning he might have gathered from the expression on his father’s face, as Mr. Jackson opened the envelope containing his school report and read the contents, that the document in question was not exactly a paean of praise from beginning to end. But he was late, as usual. Mike always was late for breakfast in the holidays.
If Mike had gotten up in time for breakfast that morning, he might have noticed from his dad's expression, as Mr. Jackson opened the envelope with his school report and read it, that the report wasn’t exactly filled with praise from start to finish. But he was late, like always. Mike was always late for breakfast during the holidays.
When he came down on this particular morning, the meal was nearly over. Mr. Jackson had disappeared, taking his correspondence with him; Mrs. Jackson had gone into the kitchen, and when Mike appeared the thing had resolved itself into a mere vulgar brawl between Phyllis and Ella for the jam, while Marjory, who had put her hair up a fortnight before, looked on in a detached sort of way, as if these juvenile gambols distressed her.
When he came downstairs that morning, breakfast was almost over. Mr. Jackson had left, taking his mail with him; Mrs. Jackson had gone into the kitchen, and by the time Mike showed up, it turned into a messy fight between Phyllis and Ella over the jam, while Marjory, who had put her hair up two weeks ago, watched with a sort of indifference, as if these childish antics bothered her.
“Hullo, Mike,” she said, jumping up as he entered; “here you are—I’ve been keeping everything hot for you.”
“Hey, Mike,” she said, jumping up as he walked in; “there you are—I’ve been keeping everything warm for you.”
“Have you? Thanks awfully. I say—” his eye wandered in mild surprise round the table. “I’m a bit late.”
“Have you? Thanks a lot. I mean—” his gaze roamed in mild surprise around the table. “I’m a little late.”
Marjory was bustling about, fetching and carrying for Mike, as she always did. She had adopted him at an early age, and did the thing thoroughly. She was fond of her other brothers, especially when they made centuries in first-class cricket, but Mike was her favourite. She would field out in the deep as a natural thing when Mike was batting at the net in the paddock, though for the others, even for Joe, who had played in all five Test Matches in the previous summer, she would do it only as a favour.
Marjory was busy running errands for Mike, just like she always did. She had taken care of him since he was young and did it wholeheartedly. She liked her other brothers, especially when they scored hundreds in first-class cricket, but Mike was her favorite. She would naturally go out to the deep field when Mike was batting in the net in the paddock, but for the others, even for Joe, who had played in all five Test Matches last summer, she would only do it as a favor.
Phyllis and Ella finished their dispute and went out. Marjory sat on the table and watched Mike eat.
Phyllis and Ella wrapped up their argument and stepped outside. Marjory sat on the table and watched Mike eat.
“Your report came this morning, Mike,” she said.
“Your report arrived this morning, Mike,” she said.
The kidneys failed to retain Mike’s undivided attention. He looked up interested. “What did it say?”
The kidneys didn't hold Mike's full attention. He looked up, intrigued. "What did it say?"
“I didn’t see—I only caught sight of the Wrykyn crest on the envelope. Father didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t see—I only noticed the Wrykyn crest on the envelope. Dad didn’t say anything.”
Mike seemed concerned. “I say, that looks rather rotten! I wonder if it was awfully bad. It’s the first I’ve had from Appleby.”
Mike looked worried. “Wow, that looks pretty bad! I wonder if it tasted awful. It’s the first one I’ve had from Appleby.”
“It can’t be any worse than the horrid ones Mr. Blake used to write when you were in his form.”
“It can’t be any worse than the awful ones Mr. Blake used to write when you were in his class.”
“No, that’s a comfort,” said Mike philosophically. “Think there’s any more tea in that pot?”
“No, that’s a comfort,” said Mike thoughtfully. “Do you think there’s any more tea in that pot?”
“I call it a shame,” said Marjory; “they ought to be jolly glad to have you at Wrykyn just for cricket, instead of writing beastly reports that make father angry and don’t do any good to anybody.”
“I think it's a shame,” said Marjory; “they should be really glad to have you at Wrykyn just for cricket, instead of writing horrible reports that make Dad angry and don’t help anyone.”
“Last summer he said he’d take me away if I got another one.”
“Last summer he said he’d take me away if I got another one.”
“He didn’t mean it really, I know he didn’t! He couldn’t! You’re the best bat Wrykyn’s ever had.”
“He didn’t actually mean it, I know he didn’t! He couldn’t! You’re the best batsman Wrykyn’s ever had.”
“What ho!” interpolated Mike.
“Hey there!” interjected Mike.
“You are. Everybody says you are. Why, you got your first the very first term you were there—even Joe didn’t do anything nearly so good as that. Saunders says you’re simply bound to play for England in another year or two.”
“You are. Everyone says you are. You got your first one the very first term you were there—even Joe didn’t do anything that impressive. Saunders says you’re definitely going to play for England in a year or two.”
“Saunders is a jolly good chap. He bowled me a half-volley on the off the first ball I had in a school match. By the way, I wonder if he’s out at the net now. Let’s go and see.”
“Saunders is a really nice guy. He bowled me a half-volley on the off the first ball I faced in a school match. By the way, I wonder if he’s out at the net now. Let’s go check it out.”
Saunders was setting up the net when they arrived. Mike put on his pads and went to the wickets, while Marjory and the dogs retired as usual to the far hedge to retrieve.
Saunders was putting up the net when they got there. Mike put on his pads and headed to the wickets, while Marjory and the dogs, as usual, went over to the far hedge to fetch.
She was kept busy. Saunders was a good sound bowler of the M.C.C. minor match type, and there had been a time when he had worried Mike considerably, but Mike had been in the Wrykyn team for three seasons now, and each season he had advanced tremendously in his batting. He had filled out in three years. He had always had the style, and now he had the strength as well. Saunders’s bowling on a true wicket seemed simple to him. It was early in the Easter holidays, but already he was beginning to find his form. Saunders, who looked on Mike as his own special invention, was delighted.
She was kept busy. Saunders was a good bowler from the M.C.C. minor match level, and there was a time when he had really troubled Mike, but Mike had been part of the Wrykyn team for three seasons now, and each season he had made huge strides in his batting. He had grown a lot in those three years. He had always had the right technique, and now he had the strength too. Facing Saunders’s bowling on a genuine wicket felt easy for him. It was early in the Easter holidays, but he was already starting to find his rhythm. Saunders, who viewed Mike as his own special project, was thrilled.
“If you don’t be worried by being too anxious now that you’re captain, Master Mike,” he said, “you’ll make a century every match next term.”
“If you don’t worry about being too anxious now that you’re captain, Master Mike,” he said, “you’ll score a century in every match next term.”
“I wish I wasn’t; it’s a beastly responsibility.”
“I wish I weren't; it's a terrible responsibility.”
Henfrey, the Wrykyn cricket captain of the previous season, was not returning next term, and Mike was to reign in his stead. He liked the prospect, but it certainly carried with it a rather awe-inspiring responsibility. At night sometimes he would lie awake, appalled by the fear of losing his form, or making a hash of things by choosing the wrong men to play for the school and leaving the right men out. It is no light thing to captain a public school at cricket.
Henfrey, the Wrykyn cricket captain from last season, wasn't coming back next term, and Mike was set to take his place. He was excited about the opportunity, but it definitely came with a pretty intimidating responsibility. Sometimes at night, he’d lie awake, terrified of losing his skills or messing things up by picking the wrong players for the school and leaving the right ones out. It’s not easy to be the captain of a public school cricket team.
As he was walking towards the house, Phyllis met him. “Oh, I’ve been hunting for you, Mike; father wants you.”
As he was walking toward the house, Phyllis ran into him. “Oh, I’ve been looking for you, Mike; Dad wants to see you.”
“What for?”
"Why?"
“I don’t know.”
“I dunno.”
“Where?”
"Where at?"
“He’s in the study. He seems—” added Phyllis, throwing in the information by way of a make-weight, “in a beastly wax.”
“He’s in the study. He seems—” added Phyllis, throwing in the information as an afterthought, “in a really bad mood.”
Mike’s jaw fell slightly. “I hope the dickens it’s nothing to do with that bally report,” was his muttered exclamation.
Mike's jaw dropped a bit. “I really hope it’s not connected to that damn report,” was his mumble.
Mike’s dealings with his father were as a rule of a most pleasant nature. Mr. Jackson was an understanding sort of man, who treated his sons as companions. From time to time, however, breezes were apt to ruffle the placid sea of good-fellowship. Mike’s end-of-term report was an unfailing wind-raiser; indeed, on the arrival of Mr. Blake’s sarcastic résumé of Mike’s short-comings at the end of the previous term, there had been something not unlike a typhoon. It was on this occasion that Mr. Jackson had solemnly declared his intention of removing Mike from Wrykyn unless the critics became more flattering; and Mr. Jackson was a man of his word.
Mike’s interactions with his dad were usually pretty pleasant. Mr. Jackson was an understanding guy who treated his sons like friends. However, there were times when things could get a bit rocky in their otherwise smooth relationship. Mike’s end-of-term report was a guaranteed source of tension; in fact, when Mr. Blake's sarcastic résumé of Mike’s shortcomings arrived at the end of the last term, it felt almost like a storm. It was during this incident that Mr. Jackson had firmly stated his intention to pull Mike out of Wrykyn unless the feedback got better, and Mr. Jackson was a man who kept his promises.
It was with a certain amount of apprehension, therefore, that Jackson entered the study.
It was with some apprehension, then, that Jackson walked into the study.
“Come in, Mike,” said his father, kicking the waste-paper basket; “I want to speak to you.”
“Come in, Mike,” his father said, kicking the wastebasket. “I need to talk to you.”
Mike, skilled in omens, scented a row in the offing. Only in moments of emotion was Mr. Jackson in the habit of booting the basket.
Mike, good at reading signs, caught the whiff of trouble ahead. Mr. Jackson only had a habit of kicking the basket when he was emotional.
There followed an awkward silence, which Mike broke by remarking that he had carted a half-volley from Saunders over the on-side hedge that morning.
There was an uncomfortable silence, which Mike broke by saying that he had hit a half-volley from Saunders over the side hedge that morning.
“It was just a bit short and off the leg stump, so I stepped out—may I bag the paper-knife for a jiffy? I’ll just show——”
“It was just a bit short and off the leg stump, so I stepped out—can I grab the paper knife for a moment? I'll just show——”
“Never mind about cricket now,” said Mr. Jackson; “I want you to listen to this report.”
“Forget about cricket for now,” said Mr. Jackson; “I need you to pay attention to this report.”
“Oh, is that my report, father?” said Mike, with a sort of sickly interest, much as a dog about to be washed might evince in his tub.
“Oh, is that my report, Dad?” said Mike, with a kind of queasy curiosity, like a dog bracing for a bath might show in the tub.
“It is,” replied Mr. Jackson in measured tones, “your report; what is more, it is without exception the worst report you have ever had.”
“It is,” replied Mr. Jackson in steady tones, “your report; and honestly, it’s without a doubt the worst report you’ve ever had.”
“Oh, I say!” groaned the record-breaker.
“Oh no!” groaned the record-breaker.
“‘His conduct,’” quoted Mr. Jackson, “‘has been unsatisfactory in the extreme, both in and out of school.’”
“‘His behavior,’” quoted Mr. Jackson, “‘has been extremely unsatisfactory, both in school and out.’”
“It wasn’t anything really. I only happened——”
“It wasn’t anything really. I just happened——”
Remembering suddenly that what he had happened to do was to drop a cannon-ball (the school weight) on the form-room floor, not once, but on several occasions, he paused.
Remembering all of a sudden that what he had actually done was drop a cannonball (the school weight) on the classroom floor, not just once, but several times, he paused.
“‘French bad; conduct disgraceful——’”
“‘French bad; conduct disgraceful—’”
“Everybody rags in French.”
"Everyone teases in French."
“‘Mathematics bad. Inattentive and idle.’”
“‘Math is bad. Distracted and lazy.’”
“Nobody does much work in Math.”
“Nobody really does much work in math.”
“‘Latin poor. Greek, very poor.’”
“‘Latin is weak. Greek, weaker.’”
“We were doing Thucydides, Book Two, last term—all speeches and doubtful readings, and cruxes and things—beastly hard! Everybody says so.”
“We were studying Thucydides, Book Two, last term—all the speeches and confusing passages, and difficult parts and stuff—it was really tough! Everyone says so.”
“Here are Mr. Appleby’s remarks: ‘The boy has genuine ability, which he declines to use in the smallest degree.’”
“Here are Mr. Appleby’s remarks: ‘The boy has real talent, which he refuses to use at all.’”
Mike moaned a moan of righteous indignation.
Mike let out a groan of righteous indignation.
“‘An abnormal proficiency at games has apparently destroyed all desire in him to realise the more serious issues of life.’ There is more to the same effect.”
“‘A strange talent for games has apparently wiped out any desire in him to confront the more serious aspects of life.’ There’s more that shows the same thing.”
Mr. Appleby was a master with very definite ideas as to what constituted a public-school master’s duties. As a man he was distinctly pro-Mike. He understood cricket, and some of Mike’s shots on the off gave him thrills of pure aesthetic joy; but as a master he always made it his habit to regard the manners and customs of the boys in his form with an unbiased eye, and to an unbiased eye Mike in a form-room was about as near the extreme edge as a boy could be, and Mr. Appleby said as much in a clear firm hand.
Mr. Appleby was a teacher with very clear ideas about what a public school teacher’s responsibilities were. Personally, he was definitely on Mike's side. He appreciated cricket, and some of Mike’s shots on the off gave him pure aesthetic joy; but as a teacher, he always made it a point to observe the behavior and habits of the boys in his class without bias, and to an unbiased observer, Mike in a classroom was pretty much at the extreme edge of behavior a boy could exhibit, which Mr. Appleby stated clearly and firmly.
“You remember what I said to you about your report at Christmas, Mike?” said Mr. Jackson, folding the lethal document and replacing it in its envelope.
"You remember what I told you about your report at Christmas, Mike?" Mr. Jackson said, folding the damaging document and putting it back in its envelope.
Mike said nothing; there was a sinking feeling in his interior.
Mike didn't say anything; he felt a sinking sensation inside.
“I shall abide by what I said.”
“I will stick to what I said.”
Mike’s heart thumped.
Mike’s heart raced.
“You will not go back to Wrykyn next term.”
“You're not going back to Wrykyn next term.”
Somewhere in the world the sun was shining, birds were twittering; somewhere in the world lambkins frisked and peasants sang blithely at their toil (flat, perhaps, but still blithely), but to Mike at that moment the sky was black, and an icy wind blew over the face of the earth.
Somewhere in the world, the sun was shining, birds were chirping; somewhere in the world, little lambs were playing and farmers sang cheerfully while they worked (maybe not the most exciting, but still cheerful). But for Mike at that moment, the sky was dark, and a cold wind swept across the land.
The tragedy had happened, and there was an end of it. He made no attempt to appeal against the sentence. He knew it would be useless, his father, when he made up his mind, having all the unbending tenacity of the normally easy-going man.
The tragedy had happened, and that was that. He didn’t try to appeal the sentence. He knew it would be pointless; his father, once he made up his mind, had all the stubbornness of someone who was usually laid-back.
Mr. Jackson was sorry for Mike. He understood him, and for that reason he said very little now.
Mr. Jackson felt sorry for Mike. He understood him, and because of that, he said very little now.
“I am sending you to Sedleigh,” was his next remark.
“I’m sending you to Sedleigh,” was his next remark.
Sedleigh! Mike sat up with a jerk. He knew Sedleigh by name—one of those schools with about a hundred fellows which you never hear of except when they send up their gymnasium pair to Aldershot, or their Eight to Bisley. Mike’s outlook on life was that of a cricketer, pure and simple. What had Sedleigh ever done? What were they ever likely to do? Whom did they play? What Old Sedleighan had ever done anything at cricket? Perhaps they didn’t even play cricket!
Sedleigh! Mike jolted awake. He recognized Sedleigh by name—one of those schools with around a hundred students that you only hear about when they send their gym team to Aldershot or their eight-man crew to Bisley. Mike viewed life through the lens of a cricketer, pure and simple. What had Sedleigh ever achieved? What were they ever going to accomplish? Who did they compete against? What former Sedleigh student had ever made a mark in cricket? Maybe they didn’t even play cricket!
“But it’s an awful hole,” he said blankly.
“But it’s a terrible hole,” he said blankly.
Mr. Jackson could read Mike’s mind like a book. Mike’s point of view was plain to him. He did not approve of it, but he knew that in Mike’s place and at Mike’s age he would have felt the same. He spoke drily to hide his sympathy.
Mr. Jackson could read Mike’s mind like a book. Mike’s perspective was clear to him. He didn’t agree with it, but he understood that if he were in Mike’s shoes and at Mike’s age, he would have felt the same way. He spoke dryly to mask his sympathy.
“It is not a large school,” he said, “and I don’t suppose it could play Wrykyn at cricket, but it has one merit—boys work there. Young Barlitt won a Balliol scholarship from Sedleigh last year.” Barlitt was the vicar’s son, a silent, spectacled youth who did not enter very largely into Mike’s world. They had met occasionally at tennis-parties, but not much conversation had ensued. Barlitt’s mind was massive, but his topics of conversation were not Mike’s.
“It’s not a big school,” he said, “and I don’t think it could compete with Wrykyn at cricket, but it has one advantage—boys actually work there. Young Barlitt won a Balliol scholarship from Sedleigh last year.” Barlitt was the vicar’s son, a quiet, bespectacled guy who didn’t really fit into Mike’s world. They had run into each other a few times at tennis parties, but not much conversation had happened. Barlitt’s mind was impressive, but the things he liked to talk about weren’t Mike’s interests.
“Mr. Barlitt speaks very highly of Sedleigh,” added Mr. Jackson.
“Mr. Barlitt speaks very highly of Sedleigh,” added Mr. Jackson.
Mike said nothing, which was a good deal better than saying what he would have liked to have said.
Mike stayed quiet, which was a lot better than saying what he really wanted to say.
CHAPTER XXXI
SEDLEIGH
The train, which had been stopping everywhere for the last half-hour, pulled up again, and Mike, seeing the name of the station, got up, opened the door, and hurled a Gladstone bag out on to the platform in an emphatic and vindictive manner. Then he got out himself and looked about him.
The train, which had been making stops everywhere for the last half-hour, pulled up again, and Mike, noticing the name of the station, stood up, opened the door, and threw a Gladstone bag onto the platform with force and anger. Then he stepped out himself and looked around.
“For the school, sir?” inquired the solitary porter, bustling up, as if he hoped by sheer energy to deceive the traveller into thinking that Sedleigh station was staffed by a great army of porters.
“For the school, sir?” asked the lone porter, hurrying over as if he thought his sheer energy would make the traveler believe that Sedleigh station was manned by a huge team of porters.
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812, and said, “So you’re back from Moscow, eh?” Mike was feeling thoroughly jaundiced. The future seemed wholly gloomy. And, so far from attempting to make the best of things, he had set himself deliberately to look on the dark side. He thought, for instance, that he had never seen a more repulsive porter, or one more obviously incompetent than the man who had attached himself with a firm grasp to the handle of the bag as he strode off in the direction of the luggage-van. He disliked his voice, his appearance, and the colour of his hair. Also the boots he wore. He hated the station, and the man who took his ticket.
Mike nodded. A gloomy nod. The kind of nod Napoleon might have given if someone had met him in 1812 and said, “So you’re back from Moscow, huh?” Mike was feeling pretty cynical. The future looked completely bleak. Instead of trying to make the best of things, he was actively looking on the dark side. He thought, for example, that he had never seen a more disgusting porter, or one more clearly incompetent than the guy who had grabbed the handle of the bag as he walked toward the luggage van. He didn't like his voice, his looks, or the color of his hair. Also, the boots he wore were terrible. He hated the station and the guy who took his ticket.
“Young gents at the school, sir,” said the porter, perceiving from Mike’s distrait air that the boy was a stranger to the place, “goes up in the ’bus mostly. It’s waiting here, sir. Hi, George!”
“Young guys at the school, sir,” said the porter, noticing from Mike’s distrait expression that the boy was unfamiliar with the area, “usually take the bus. It’s waiting here, sir. Hey, George!”
“I’ll walk, thanks,” said Mike frigidly.
“I'll walk, thanks,” Mike said coldly.
“It’s a goodish step, sir.”
“It’s a decent step, sir.”
“Here you are.”
"Here you go."
“Thank you, sir. I’ll send up your luggage by the ’bus, sir. Which ’ouse was it you was going to?”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll send your luggage up by the bus, sir. Which house were you going to?”
“Outwood’s.”
"Outwood's."
“Right, sir. It’s straight on up this road to the school. You can’t miss it, sir.”
“Got it, sir. Just keep going straight up this road to the school. You can't miss it, sir.”
“Worse luck,” said Mike.
“Bad luck,” said Mike.
He walked off up the road, sorrier for himself than ever. It was such absolutely rotten luck. About now, instead of being on his way to a place where they probably ran a diabolo team instead of a cricket eleven, and played hunt-the-slipper in winter, he would be on the point of arriving at Wrykyn. And as captain of cricket, at that. Which was the bitter part of it. He had never been in command. For the last two seasons he had been the star man, going in first, and heading the averages easily at the end of the season; and the three captains under whom he had played during his career as a Wrykynian, Burgess, Enderby, and Henfrey had always been sportsmen to him. But it was not the same thing. He had meant to do such a lot for Wrykyn cricket this term. He had had an entirely new system of coaching in his mind. Now it might never be used. He had handed it on in a letter to Strachan, who would be captain in his place; but probably Strachan would have some scheme of his own. There is nobody who could not edit a paper in the ideal way; and there is nobody who has not a theory of his own about cricket-coaching at school.
He walked down the road, feeling more sorry for himself than ever. It was just such terrible luck. Right now, instead of heading to a place that probably had a diabolo team instead of a cricket team and played hunt-the-slipper in winter, he would be about to arrive at Wrykyn. And as the cricket captain, no less. That was the hardest part. He had never been in charge before. For the last two seasons, he had been the star player, going in first and easily leading the averages at the end of the season. The three captains he had played under during his time at Wrykyn—Burgess, Enderby, and Henfrey—had always been great sportsmen to him. But it wasn't the same. He had planned to do a lot for Wrykyn cricket this term. He had a completely new coaching system in mind. Now it might never see the light of day. He had passed it on in a letter to Strachan, who would be taking over as captain; but probably Strachan would have his own plans. Anyone can think they could edit a paper perfectly, and everyone has their own theory about cricket coaching at school.
Wrykyn, too, would be weak this year, now that he was no longer there. Strachan was a good, free bat on his day, and, if he survived a few overs, might make a century in an hour, but he was not to be depended upon. There was no doubt that Mike’s sudden withdrawal meant that Wrykyn would have a bad time that season. And it had been such a wretched athletic year for the school. The football fifteen had been hopeless, and had lost both the Ripton matches, the return by over sixty points. Sheen’s victory in the light-weights at Aldershot had been their one success. And now, on top of all this, the captain of cricket was removed during the Easter holidays. Mike’s heart bled for Wrykyn, and he found himself loathing Sedleigh and all its works with a great loathing.
Wrykyn would be struggling this year, now that he was gone. Strachan could be a great batsman on his good days, and if he got through a few overs, he could score a century in about an hour, but he wasn't reliable. There was no doubt that Mike's sudden exit meant Wrykyn would have a rough season. It had already been a terrible year for the school's sports. The football team was awful and lost both matches against Ripton, with the return game being a blowout by over sixty points. Sheen's win in the lightweights at Aldershot was their only success. And now, on top of all this, the cricket captain was gone during the Easter holidays. Mike felt really sorry for Wrykyn and found himself harboring a deep hatred for Sedleigh and everything about it.
The only thing he could find in its favour was the fact that it was set in a very pretty country. Of a different type from the Wrykyn country, but almost as good. For three miles Mike made his way through woods and past fields. Once he crossed a river. It was soon after this that he caught sight, from the top of a hill, of a group of buildings that wore an unmistakably school-like look.
The only thing he could find to like about it was that it was located in a really beautiful area. Different from the Wrykyn area, but almost just as nice. For three miles, Mike walked through woods and past fields. He crossed a river once. It wasn’t long after that when he saw, from the top of a hill, a cluster of buildings that had a definitely school-like vibe.
This must be Sedleigh.
This must be Sedleigh.
Ten minutes’ walk brought him to the school gates, and a baker’s boy directed him to Mr. Outwood’s.
Ten minutes of walking took him to the school gates, and a baker's delivery boy pointed him toward Mr. Outwood's.
There were three houses in a row, separated from the school buildings by a cricket-field. Outwood’s was the middle one of these.
There were three houses in a row, separated from the school buildings by a cricket field. Outwood's was the middle one of these.
Mike went to the front door, and knocked. At Wrykyn he had always charged in at the beginning of term at the boys’ entrance, but this formal reporting of himself at Sedleigh suited his mood.
Mike went to the front door and knocked. At Wrykyn, he had always barged in at the start of the term through the boys’ entrance, but this formal way of checking in at Sedleigh matched his mood.
He inquired for Mr. Outwood, and was shown into a room lined with books. Presently the door opened, and the house-master appeared.
He asked for Mr. Outwood and was shown into a room full of books. Soon, the door opened, and the housemaster came in.
There was something pleasant and homely about Mr. Outwood. In appearance he reminded Mike of Smee in “Peter Pan.” He had the same eyebrows and pince-nez and the same motherly look.
There was something nice and cozy about Mr. Outwood. In looks, he reminded Mike of Smee in “Peter Pan.” He had the same eyebrows and pince-nez and the same caring expression.
“Jackson?” he said mildly.
"Jackson?" he said gently.
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure, sir.”
“I am very glad to see you, very glad indeed. Perhaps you would like a cup of tea after your journey. I think you might like a cup of tea. You come from Crofton, in Shropshire, I understand, Jackson, near Brindleford? It is a part of the country which I have always wished to visit. I daresay you have frequently seen the Cluniac Priory of St. Ambrose at Brindleford?”
“I’m really glad to see you, truly glad. Maybe you'd like a cup of tea after your trip. I think you might enjoy a cup of tea. You’re from Crofton in Shropshire, right, Jackson, near Brindleford? That’s a part of the country I’ve always wanted to visit. I bet you’ve often seen the Cluniac Priory of St. Ambrose at Brindleford?”
Mike, who would not have recognised a Cluniac Priory if you had handed him one on a tray, said he had not.
Mike, who wouldn’t have recognized a Cluniac Priory if it was handed to him on a tray, said he hadn’t.
“Dear me! You have missed an opportunity which I should have been glad to have. I am preparing a book on Ruined Abbeys and Priories of England, and it has always been my wish to see the Cluniac Priory of St. Ambrose. A deeply interesting relic of the sixteenth century. Bishop Geoffrey, 1133-40——”
“Wow! You’ve missed an opportunity that I would have loved to have. I’m working on a book about Ruined Abbeys and Priories of England, and I’ve always wanted to visit the Cluniac Priory of St. Ambrose. It’s a fascinating relic from the sixteenth century. Bishop Geoffrey, 1133-40——”
“Shall I go across to the boys’ part, sir?”
“Should I go over to the boys’ section, sir?”
“What? Yes. Oh, yes. Quite so. And perhaps you would like a cup of tea after your journey? No? Quite so. Quite so. You should make a point of visiting the remains of the Cluniac Priory in the summer holidays, Jackson. You will find the matron in her room. In many respects it is unique. The northern altar is in a state of really wonderful preservation. It consists of a solid block of masonry five feet long and two and a half wide, with chamfered plinth, standing quite free from the apse wall. It will well repay a visit. Good-bye for the present, Jackson, good-bye.”
“What? Yes. Oh, yes. Absolutely. And maybe you’d like a cup of tea after your trip? No? Absolutely. Absolutely. You should definitely check out the remains of the Cluniac Priory during the summer holidays, Jackson. You’ll find the matron in her room. In many ways, it’s one of a kind. The northern altar is incredibly well-preserved. It’s a solid block of masonry five feet long and two and a half feet wide, with a chamfered base, standing completely free from the apse wall. It’s definitely worth a visit. Good-bye for now, Jackson, good-bye.”
Mike wandered across to the other side of the house, his gloom visibly deepened. All alone in a strange school, where they probably played hopscotch, with a house-master who offered one cups of tea after one’s journey and talked about chamfered plinths and apses. It was a little hard.
Mike walked over to the other side of the house, his sadness clearly growing. All by himself in an unfamiliar school, where they likely played hopscotch, with a headmaster who offered cups of tea after arrival and talked about beveled bases and architectural recesses. It was a bit tough.
He strayed about, finding his bearings, and finally came to a room which he took to be the equivalent of the senior day-room at a Wrykyn house. Everywhere else he had found nothing but emptiness. Evidently he had come by an earlier train than was usual. But this room was occupied.
He wandered around, trying to get his bearings, and eventually stumbled upon a room that he thought was like the senior lounge at a Wrykyn house. Everywhere else, he had only found emptiness. Clearly, he had arrived on an earlier train than usual. But this room was occupied.
A very long, thin youth, with a solemn face and immaculate clothes, was leaning against the mantelpiece. As Mike entered, he fumbled in his top left waistcoat pocket, produced an eyeglass attached to a cord, and fixed it in his right eye. With the help of this aid to vision he inspected Mike in silence for a while, then, having flicked an invisible speck of dust from the left sleeve of his coat, he spoke.
A tall, thin young man with a serious expression and perfectly clean clothes was leaning against the mantelpiece. As Mike walked in, he reached into his top left waistcoat pocket, pulled out an eyeglass on a cord, and placed it in his right eye. Using this visual aid, he silently examined Mike for a bit before flicking an invisible speck of dust off the left sleeve of his coat and then spoke.
“Hullo,” he said.
"Hello," he said.
He spoke in a tired voice.
He spoke in a fatigued voice.
“Hullo,” said Mike.
"Hello," said Mike.
“Take a seat,” said the immaculate one. “If you don’t mind dirtying your bags, that’s to say. Personally, I don’t see any prospect of ever sitting down in this place. It looks to me as if they meant to use these chairs as mustard-and-cress beds. A Nursery Garden in the Home. That sort of idea. My name,” he added pensively, “is Smith. What’s yours?”
“Have a seat,” said the perfectly polished one. “If you don’t mind getting your bags dirty, that is. Personally, I can’t imagine ever sitting down in this place. It feels to me like they planned to use these chairs as mustard-and-cress beds. A Nursery Garden in the Home. That kind of vibe. My name,” he said thoughtfully, “is Smith. What’s yours?”
CHAPTER XXXII
PSMITH
“Jackson,” said Mike.
"Jackson," Mike said.
“Are you the Bully, the Pride of the School, or the Boy who is Led Astray and takes to Drink in Chapter Sixteen?”
“Are you the bully, the pride of the school, or the boy who goes off track and starts drinking in Chapter Sixteen?”
“The last, for choice,” said Mike, “but I’ve only just arrived, so I don’t know.”
“The last one, I guess,” said Mike, “but I just got here, so I’m not sure.”
“The boy—what will he become? Are you new here, too, then?”
“The boy—what is he going to become? Are you new here as well?”
“Yes! Why, are you new?”
“Yes! Are you new?”
“Do I look as if I belonged here? I’m the latest import. Sit down on yonder settee, and I will tell you the painful story of my life. By the way, before I start, there’s just one thing. If you ever have occasion to write to me, would you mind sticking a P at the beginning of my name? P-s-m-i-t-h. See? There are too many Smiths, and I don’t care for Smythe. My father’s content to worry along in the old-fashioned way, but I’ve decided to strike out a fresh line. I shall found a new dynasty. The resolve came to me unexpectedly this morning, as I was buying a simple penn’orth of butterscotch out of the automatic machine at Paddington. I jotted it down on the back of an envelope. In conversation you may address me as Rupert (though I hope you won’t), or simply Smith, the P not being sounded. Cp. the name Zbysco, in which the Z is given a similar miss-in-baulk. See?”
“Do I look like I belong here? I'm the latest addition. Sit down on that couch, and I'll share the painful story of my life. By the way, before I start, there's just one thing. If you ever need to write to me, could you please stick a P at the beginning of my name? P-s-m-i-t-h. See? There are too many Smiths, and I'm not a fan of Smythe. My dad is fine with the old-fashioned way, but I've decided to pave my own path. I'm going to create a new legacy. The idea hit me unexpectedly this morning when I was buying a simple piece of butterscotch from the vending machine at Paddington. I wrote it down on the back of an envelope. In conversation, you can call me Rupert (though I hope you won't), or just Smith, with the P not pronounced. Like the name Zbysco, where the Z is similarly silent. Got it?”
Mike said he saw. Psmith thanked him with a certain stately old-world courtesy.
Mike said he saw. Psmith thanked him with a kind of dignified old-fashioned politeness.
“Let us start at the beginning,” he resumed. “My infancy. When I was but a babe, my eldest sister was bribed with a shilling an hour by my nurse to keep an eye on me, and see that I did not raise Cain. At the end of the first day she struck for one-and six, and got it. We now pass to my boyhood. At an early age, I was sent to Eton, everybody predicting a bright career for me. But,” said Psmith solemnly, fixing an owl-like gaze on Mike through the eye-glass, “it was not to be.”
“Let’s start at the beginning,” he continued. “My childhood. When I was just a baby, my oldest sister was paid a shilling an hour by my nurse to watch over me and make sure I didn’t get into trouble. By the end of the first day, she demanded one-and-six, and she got it. Now we move on to my boyhood. At a young age, I was sent to Eton, with everyone expecting great things from me. But,” said Psmith seriously, fixing an owl-like stare on Mike through the eyeglass, “that wasn’t meant to be.”
“No?” said Mike.
“No?” Mike asked.
“No. I was superannuated last term.”
"No. I retired last term."
“Bad luck.”
“Tough break.”
“For Eton, yes. But what Eton loses, Sedleigh gains.”
“For Eton, yes. But what Eton loses, Sedleigh gains.”
“But why Sedleigh, of all places?”
“But why Sedleigh, out of all places?”
“This is the most painful part of my narrative. It seems that a certain scug in the next village to ours happened last year to collar a Balliol——”
“This is the most painful part of my story. It seems that a certain scug in the next village to ours happened last year to catch a Balliol——”
“Not Barlitt!” exclaimed Mike.
“Not Barlitt!” shouted Mike.
“That was the man. The son of the vicar. The vicar told the curate, who told our curate, who told our vicar, who told my father, who sent me off here to get a Balliol too. Do you know Barlitt?”
“That was the guy. The son of the vicar. The vicar told the curate, who told our curate, who told our vicar, who told my dad, who sent me here to get a Balliol too. Do you know Barlitt?”
“His pater’s vicar of our village. It was because his son got a Balliol that I was sent here.”
“His father's vicar of our village. It was because his son got into Balliol that I was sent here.”
“Do you come from Crofton?”
“Are you from Crofton?”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“I’ve lived at Lower Benford all my life. We are practically long-lost brothers. Cheer a little, will you?”
“I’ve lived at Lower Benford my whole life. We’re basically like long-lost brothers. Come on, cheer up a bit, will you?”
Mike felt as Robinson Crusoe felt when he met Friday. Here was a fellow human being in this desert place. He could almost have embraced Psmith. The very sound of the name Lower Benford was heartening. His dislike for his new school was not diminished, but now he felt that life there might at least be tolerable.
Mike felt just like Robinson Crusoe did when he met Friday. Here was another person in this lonely place. He could almost hug Psmith. Just hearing the name Lower Benford lifted his spirits. He still didn't like his new school, but now he thought that life there might be at least bearable.
“Where were you before you came here?” asked Psmith. “You have heard my painful story. Now tell me yours.”
“Where were you before you got here?” asked Psmith. “You’ve heard my sad tale. Now share yours.”
“Wrykyn. My pater took me away because I got such a lot of bad reports.”
“Wrykyn. My dad pulled me out because I was getting so many bad reports.”
“My reports from Eton were simply scurrilous. There’s a libel action in every sentence. How do you like this place from what you’ve seen of it?”
“My reports from Eton were just scandalous. There’s a lawsuit in every sentence. What do you think of this place from what you’ve seen?”
“Rotten.”
“Disgusting.”
“I am with you, Comrade Jackson. You won’t mind my calling you Comrade, will you? I’ve just become a Socialist. It’s a great scheme. You ought to be one. You work for the equal distribution of property, and start by collaring all you can and sitting on it. We must stick together. We are companions in misfortune. Lost lambs. Sheep that have gone astray. Divided, we fall, together we may worry through. Have you seen Professor Radium yet? I should say Mr. Outwood. What do you think of him?”
“I’m with you, Comrade Jackson. You don’t mind if I call you Comrade, do you? I just became a Socialist. It’s a fantastic idea. You really should consider it. You advocate for the equal distribution of property but start by grabbing as much as you can and holding onto it. We need to stick together. We’re companions in misfortune. Lost souls. Sheep that have gone off course. Divided, we fail; together, we might just make it through. Have you met Professor Radium yet? I mean Mr. Outwood. What’s your opinion of him?”
“He doesn’t seem a bad sort of chap. Bit off his nut. Jawed about apses and things.”
“He doesn’t seem like a bad guy. A little crazy. He talked about apses and stuff.”
“And thereby,” said Psmith, “hangs a tale. I’ve been making inquiries of a stout sportsman in a sort of Salvation Army uniform, whom I met in the grounds—he’s the school sergeant or something, quite a solid man—and I hear that Comrade Outwood’s an archaeological cove. Goes about the country beating up old ruins and fossils and things. There’s an Archaeological Society in the school, run by him. It goes out on half-holidays, prowling about, and is allowed to break bounds and generally steep itself to the eyebrows in reckless devilry. And, mark you, laddie, if you belong to the Archaeological Society you get off cricket. To get off cricket,” said Psmith, dusting his right trouser-leg, “was the dream of my youth and the aspiration of my riper years. A noble game, but a bit too thick for me. At Eton I used to have to field out at the nets till the soles of my boots wore through. I suppose you are a blood at the game? Play for the school against Loamshire, and so on.”
“And that’s how the story goes,” said Psmith, “I’ve been asking a solid sportsman in a sort of Salvation Army uniform, who I met on the grounds—he’s the school sergeant or something, a really dependable guy—and I’ve learned that Comrade Outwood is into archaeology. He travels around finding old ruins and fossils and stuff. There’s an Archaeological Society at the school, led by him. They go out on half-holidays to explore, and they’re allowed to break the rules and generally indulge in some wild adventure. And, just so you know, if you’re part of the Archaeological Society, you get out of playing cricket. To get out of cricket,” said Psmith, brushing off his right trouser leg, “was the dream of my youth and the goal of my later years. A great game, but a bit much for me. At Eton, I used to have to field out at the nets until the soles of my boots wore out. I suppose you’re really into the game? Play for the school against Loamshire, and all that?”
“I’m not going to play here, at any rate,” said Mike.
“I’m not playing here, anyway,” said Mike.
He had made up his mind on this point in the train. There is a certain fascination about making the very worst of a bad job. Achilles knew his business when he sat in his tent. The determination not to play cricket for Sedleigh as he could not play for Wrykyn gave Mike a sort of pleasure. To stand by with folded arms and a sombre frown, as it were, was one way of treating the situation, and one not without its meed of comfort.
He had decided this while on the train. There’s something interesting about making the most of a bad situation. Achilles understood what he was doing when he stayed in his tent. The choice not to play cricket for Sedleigh, since he couldn’t play for Wrykyn, gave Mike a sort of satisfaction. Standing by with his arms crossed and a serious expression was one way to deal with things, and it was a way that offered some comfort.
Psmith approved the resolve.
Psmith approved the decision.
“Stout fellow,” he said. “’Tis well. You and I, hand in hand, will search the countryside for ruined abbeys. We will snare the elusive fossil together. Above all, we will go out of bounds. We shall thus improve our minds, and have a jolly good time as well. I shouldn’t wonder if one mightn’t borrow a gun from some friendly native, and do a bit of rabbit-shooting here and there. From what I saw of Comrade Outwood during our brief interview, I shouldn’t think he was one of the lynx-eyed contingent. With tact we ought to be able to slip away from the merry throng of fossil-chasers, and do a bit on our own account.”
“Great guy,” he said. “That's good. You and I, side by side, will explore the countryside for abandoned abbeys. We’ll hunt for that elusive fossil together. Most importantly, we’ll go off the beaten path. This way, we’ll broaden our horizons and have a great time too. I wouldn’t be surprised if we could borrow a gun from some friendly local and do some rabbit hunting here and there. From what I saw of Comrade Outwood during our short meeting, I seriously doubt he's one of those sharp-eyed types. With some cleverness, we should be able to sneak away from the lively crowd of fossil-hunters and do a little exploring on our own.”
“Good idea,” said Mike. “We will. A chap at Wrykyn, called Wyatt, used to break out at night and shoot at cats with an air-pistol.”
"Good idea," Mike said. "We will. There's a guy at Wrykyn named Wyatt who used to sneak out at night and shoot at cats with an air pistol."
“It would take a lot to make me do that. I am all against anything that interferes with my sleep. But rabbits in the daytime is a scheme. We’ll nose about for a gun at the earliest opp. Meanwhile we’d better go up to Comrade Outwood, and get our names shoved down for the Society.”
“It would take a lot to make me do that. I'm totally against anything that disrupts my sleep. But chasing rabbits during the day sounds like a plan. We'll look for a gun at the earliest opportunity. In the meantime, we should head up to Comrade Outwood and get our names signed up for the Society.”
“I vote we get some tea first somewhere.”
“I suggest we grab some tea somewhere first.”
“Then let’s beat up a study. I suppose they have studies here. Let’s go and look.”
“Then let’s tackle a study. I guess they have studies here. Let’s go check them out.”
They went upstairs. On the first floor there was a passage with doors on either side. Psmith opened the first of these.
They went upstairs. On the first floor, there was a hallway with doors on either side. Psmith opened the first door.
“This’ll do us well,” he said.
“This will work for us,” he said.
It was a biggish room, looking out over the school grounds. There were a couple of deal tables, two empty bookcases, and a looking-glass, hung on a nail.
It was a pretty big room, overlooking the school grounds. There were a couple of deal tables, two empty bookcases, and a mirror, hanging on a nail.
“Might have been made for us,” said Psmith approvingly.
“Might have been made for us,” Psmith said with approval.
“I suppose it belongs to some rotter.”
"I guess it belongs to some jerk."
“Not now.”
“Not right now.”
“You aren’t going to collar it!”
“You're not going to catch it!”
“That,” said Psmith, looking at himself earnestly in the mirror, and straightening his tie, “is the exact programme. We must stake out our claims. This is practical Socialism.”
“That,” said Psmith, looking at himself seriously in the mirror and adjusting his tie, “is the exact plan. We need to establish our positions. This is real Socialism.”
“But the real owner’s bound to turn up some time or other.”
“But the real owner is bound to show up sooner or later.”
“His misfortune, not ours. You can’t expect two master-minds like us to pig it in that room downstairs. There are moments when one wants to be alone. It is imperative that we have a place to retire to after a fatiguing day. And now, if you want to be really useful, come and help me fetch up my box from downstairs. It’s got an Etna and various things in it.”
“His misfortune, not ours. You can’t expect two brilliant minds like us to hang out in that room downstairs. There are times when one needs to be alone. It’s crucial that we have a space to retreat to after a long day. And now, if you really want to be helpful, come and help me bring my box up from downstairs. It’s got an Etna and a few other things in it.”
CHAPTER XXXIII
STAKING OUT A CLAIM
Psmith, in the matter of decorating a study and preparing tea in it, was rather a critic than an executant. He was full of ideas, but he preferred to allow Mike to carry them out. It was he who suggested that the wooden bar which ran across the window was unnecessary, but it was Mike who wrenched it from its place. Similarly, it was Mike who abstracted the key from the door of the next study, though the idea was Psmith’s.
Psmith, when it came to decorating a study and making tea in it, was more of a critic than someone who actually did the work. He had a lot of ideas, but he preferred to let Mike handle the execution. It was Psmith who suggested that the wooden bar across the window wasn’t needed, but it was Mike who pried it out. Likewise, it was Mike who took the key from the door of the next study, even though the idea came from Psmith.
“Privacy,” said Psmith, as he watched Mike light the Etna, “is what we chiefly need in this age of publicity. If you leave a study door unlocked in these strenuous times, the first thing you know is, somebody comes right in, sits down, and begins to talk about himself. I think with a little care we ought to be able to make this room quite decently comfortable. That putrid calendar must come down, though. Do you think you could make a long arm, and haul it off the parent tin-tack? Thanks. We make progress. We make progress.”
“Privacy,” said Psmith, as he watched Mike light the Etna, “is what we really need in this age of constant publicity. If you leave the study door unlocked these days, the next thing you know is, someone walks right in, sits down, and starts talking about themselves. I believe that with a little effort we should be able to make this room pretty comfortable. That awful calendar has to come down, though. Do you think you could reach and pull it off the main tack? Thanks. We’re making progress. We’re making progress.”
“We shall jolly well make it out of the window,” said Mike, spooning up tea from a paper bag with a postcard, “if a sort of young Hackenschmidt turns up and claims the study. What are you going to do about it?”
“We're definitely getting out of this window,” said Mike, scooping up tea from a paper bag with a postcard, “if some young strongman shows up and tries to take over the study. What are you going to do about it?”
“Don’t let us worry about it. I have a presentiment that he will be an insignificant-looking little weed. How are you getting on with the evening meal?”
“Don’t let us worry about it. I’ve got a feeling that he’ll be an insignificant-looking little weed. How’s the evening meal coming along?”
“Just ready. What would you give to be at Eton now? I’d give something to be at Wrykyn.”
“Just about ready. What would you give to be at Eton right now? I’d give something to be at Wrykyn.”
“These school reports,” said Psmith sympathetically, “are the very dickens. Many a bright young lad has been soured by them. Hullo. What’s this, I wonder.”
“These school reports,” said Psmith sympathetically, “are a real hassle. Many a bright young kid has been discouraged by them. Hey, what’s this, I wonder.”
A heavy body had plunged against the door, evidently without a suspicion that there would be any resistance. A rattling at the handle followed, and a voice outside said, “Dash the door!”
A heavy body slammed against the door, clearly not expecting any resistance. A rattling at the handle followed, and a voice outside said, “Break down the door!”
“Hackenschmidt!” said Mike.
“Hackenschmidt!” Mike said.
“The weed,” said Psmith. “You couldn’t make a long arm, could you, and turn the key? We had better give this merchant audience. Remind me later to go on with my remarks on school reports. I had several bright things to say on the subject.”
“The weed,” Psmith said. “You couldn’t stretch your arm and turn the key, could you? We should probably hear out this merchant. Remind me later to continue my thoughts on school reports. I had a few insightful things to mention about that.”
Mike unlocked the door, and flung it open. Framed in the entrance was a smallish, freckled boy, wearing a bowler hat and carrying a bag. On his face was an expression of mingled wrath and astonishment.
Mike unlocked the door and swung it open. In the doorway stood a small freckled boy, wearing a bowler hat and carrying a bag. His face showed a mix of anger and surprise.
Psmith rose courteously from his chair, and moved forward with slow stateliness to do the honours.
Psmith got up politely from his chair and walked forward with deliberate grace to take care of the formalities.
“What the dickens,” inquired the newcomer, “are you doing here?”
“What the heck,” asked the newcomer, “are you doing here?”
“We were having a little tea,” said Psmith, “to restore our tissues after our journey. Come in and join us. We keep open house, we Psmiths. Let me introduce you to Comrade Jackson. A stout fellow. Homely in appearance, perhaps, but one of us. I am Psmith. Your own name will doubtless come up in the course of general chit-chat over the tea-cups.”
"We were having some tea," said Psmith, "to refresh ourselves after our trip. Come in and join us. We’re always welcoming here, we Psmiths. Let me introduce you to Comrade Jackson. A solid guy. Maybe not the most handsome, but he’s one of us. I’m Psmith. Your name will probably come up during our casual conversation over tea."
“My name’s Spiller, and this is my study.”
"My name's Spiller, and this is my workspace."
Psmith leaned against the mantelpiece, put up his eyeglass, and harangued Spiller in a philosophical vein.
Psmith leaned against the mantel, put on his eyeglass, and lectured Spiller in a thoughtful manner.
“Of all sad words of tongue or pen,” said he, “the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’ Too late! That is the bitter cry. If you had torn yourself from the bosom of the Spiller family by an earlier train, all might have been well. But no. Your father held your hand and said huskily, ‘Edwin, don’t leave us!’ Your mother clung to you weeping, and said, ‘Edwin, stay!’ Your sisters——”
“Of all the sad words spoken or written,” he said, “the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’ Too late! That is the painful truth. If you had left the Spiller family earlier, everything could have been fine. But no. Your father held your hand and said hoarsely, ‘Edwin, don’t go!’ Your mother clung to you crying, and said, ‘Edwin, please stay!’ Your sisters——”
“I want to know what——”
"I want to know what—"
“Your sisters froze on to your knees like little octopuses (or octopi), and screamed, ‘Don’t go, Edwin!’ And so,” said Psmith, deeply affected by his recital, “you stayed on till the later train; and, on arrival, you find strange faces in the familiar room, a people that know not Spiller.” Psmith went to the table, and cheered himself with a sip of tea. Spiller’s sad case had moved him greatly.
“Your sisters clung to your knees like little octopuses, and screamed, ‘Don’t go, Edwin!’ And so,” said Psmith, really touched by his story, “you stayed for the later train; and when you arrived, you found unfamiliar faces in the familiar room, people who don’t know Spiller.” Psmith went to the table and poured himself a cup of tea to lift his spirits. Spiller’s sad situation had affected him deeply.
The victim of Fate seemed in no way consoled.
The victim of Fate appeared completely uncomforted.
“It’s beastly cheek, that’s what I call it. Are you new chaps?”
“It’s such rude behavior, that’s what I think. Are you guys new here?”
“The very latest thing,” said Psmith.
"The very latest thing," said Psmith.
“Well, it’s beastly cheek.”
"Well, it’s really rude."
Mike’s outlook on life was of the solid, practical order. He went straight to the root of the matter.
Mike had a straightforward, practical view on life. He got right to the heart of the issue.
“What are you going to do about it?” he asked.
“What are you gonna do about it?” he asked.
Spiller evaded the question.
Spiller dodged the question.
“It’s beastly cheek,” he repeated. “You can’t go about the place bagging studies.”
“It’s incredibly rude,” he repeated. “You can’t just walk around the place collecting studies.”
“But we do,” said Psmith. “In this life, Comrade Spiller, we must be prepared for every emergency. We must distinguish between the unusual and the impossible. It is unusual for people to go about the place bagging studies, so you have rashly ordered your life on the assumption that it is impossible. Error! Ah, Spiller, Spiller, let this be a lesson to you.”
“But we do,” said Psmith. “In this life, Comrade Spiller, we need to be ready for any situation. We must tell the difference between what’s unusual and what’s impossible. It’s unusual for people to go around collecting studies, so you’ve carelessly organized your life based on the belief that it’s impossible. Wrong! Ah, Spiller, Spiller, let this be a lesson for you.”
“Look here, I tell you what it——”
“Look, I’m telling you what it——”
“I was in a motor with a man once. I said to him: ‘What would happen if you trod on that pedal thing instead of that other pedal thing?’ He said, ‘I couldn’t. One’s the foot-brake, and the other’s the accelerator.’ ‘But suppose you did?’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t,’ he said. ‘Now we’ll let her rip.’ So he stamped on the accelerator. Only it turned out to be the foot-brake after all, and we stopped dead, and skidded into a ditch. The advice I give to every young man starting life is: ‘Never confuse the unusual and the impossible.’ Take the present case. If you had only realised the possibility of somebody some day collaring your study, you might have thought out dozens of sound schemes for dealing with the matter. As it is, you are unprepared. The thing comes on you as a surprise. The cry goes round: ‘Spiller has been taken unawares. He cannot cope with the situation.’”
“I was in a car with a guy once. I asked him, ‘What would happen if you pressed that pedal instead of the other one?’ He replied, ‘I couldn’t. One’s the brake, and the other’s the gas.’ ‘But what if you did?’ I pressed. ‘I wouldn’t,’ he insisted. ‘Now let’s go for it.’ So he slammed on the gas. But it turned out to be the brake, and we came to a sudden stop and skidded into a ditch. My advice to every young man starting out in life is: ‘Never confuse the unusual with the impossible.’ Take this situation for example. If you had thought about the chance of someone taking over your study, you could have come up with plenty of effective plans to handle it. As it stands, you’re unprepared. It hits you as a surprise. The word spreads: ‘Spiller has been caught off guard. He can’t handle the situation.’”
“Can’t I! I’ll——”
“Can’t I? I’ll——”
“What are you going to do about it?” said Mike.
“What are you gonna do about it?” said Mike.
“All I know is, I’m going to have it. It was Simpson’s last term, and Simpson’s left, and I’m next on the house list, so, of course, it’s my study.”
“All I know is, I’m going to get it. It was Simpson’s final term, and Simpson’s gone, and I’m next on the house list, so obviously, it’s my study.”
“But what steps,” said Psmith, “are you going to take? Spiller, the man of Logic, we know. But what of Spiller, the Man of Action? How do you intend to set about it? Force is useless. I was saying to Comrade Jackson before you came in, that I didn’t mind betting you were an insignificant-looking little weed. And you are an insignificant-looking little weed.”
“But what steps,” said Psmith, “are you planning to take? We know Spiller as the guy who uses Logic. But what about Spiller, the Action Guy? How do you plan to go about it? Force won’t help. I was telling Comrade Jackson before you walked in that I wouldn’t be surprised if you were just a pathetic little weed. And you are a pathetic little weed.”
“We’ll see what Outwood says about it.”
“We’ll see what Outwood thinks about it.”
“Not an unsound scheme. By no means a scaly project. Comrade Jackson and myself were about to interview him upon another point. We may as well all go together.”
“Not a bad plan. Definitely not a shady project. Comrade Jackson and I were about to ask him about something else. We might as well all go together.”
The trio made their way to the Presence, Spiller pink and determined, Mike sullen, Psmith particularly debonair. He hummed lightly as he walked, and now and then pointed out to Spiller objects of interest by the wayside.
The three of them headed to the Presence, Spiller looking pink and determined, Mike sulking, and Psmith appearing particularly suave. He hummed a little as he walked and occasionally pointed out things of interest to Spiller along the way.
Mr. Outwood received them with the motherly warmth which was evidently the leading characteristic of his normal manner.
Mr. Outwood greeted them with the motherly warmth that clearly defined his usual demeanor.
“Ah, Spiller,” he said. “And Smith, and Jackson. I am glad to see that you have already made friends.”
“Ah, Spiller,” he said. “And Smith, and Jackson. I’m glad to see that you’ve already made friends.”
“Spiller’s, sir,” said Psmith, laying a hand patronisingly on the study-claimer’s shoulder—a proceeding violently resented by Spiller—“is a character one cannot help but respect. His nature expands before one like some beautiful flower.”
“Spiller’s, sir,” said Psmith, placing a hand condescendingly on the study-claimer’s shoulder—an act that Spiller strongly disliked—“is a character one cannot help but respect. His nature unfolds before you like a beautiful flower.”
Mr. Outwood received this eulogy with rather a startled expression, and gazed at the object of the tribute in a surprised way.
Mr. Outwood took in this eulogy with a somewhat shocked expression and looked at the person being honored in a surprised way.
“Er—quite so, Smith, quite so,” he said at last. “I like to see boys in my house friendly towards one another.”
“Uh—totally, Smith, totally,” he finally said. “I like to see boys in my house getting along with each other.”
“There is no vice in Spiller,” pursued Psmith earnestly. “His heart is the heart of a little child.”
“There’s no bad in Spiller,” Psmith said earnestly. “His heart is like that of a child.”
“Please, sir,” burst out this paragon of all the virtues, “I——”
“Please, sir,” exclaimed this model of all the virtues, “I——”
“But it was not entirely with regard to Spiller that I wished to speak to you, sir, if you were not too busy.”
“But I didn’t want to talk to you about Spiller only, sir, if you’re not too busy.”
“Not at all, Smith, not at all. Is there anything——”
“Not at all, Smith, not at all. Is there anything——”
“Please, sir—” began Spiller.
"Excuse me, sir—" began Spiller.
“I understand, sir,” said Psmith, “that there is an Archaeological Society in the school.”
“I get it, sir,” said Psmith, “that there's an Archaeological Society at the school.”
Mr. Outwood’s eyes sparkled behind their pince-nez. It was a disappointment to him that so few boys seemed to wish to belong to his chosen band. Cricket and football, games that left him cold, appeared to be the main interest in their lives. It was but rarely that he could induce new boys to join. His colleague, Mr. Downing, who presided over the School Fire Brigade, never had any difficulty in finding support. Boys came readily at his call. Mr. Outwood pondered wistfully on this at times, not knowing that the Fire Brigade owed its support to the fact that it provided its light-hearted members with perfectly unparalleled opportunities for ragging, while his own band, though small, were in the main earnest.
Mr. Outwood's eyes sparkled behind his pince-nez. He was disappointed that so few boys seemed interested in joining his selected group. Cricket and football, games that didn't excite him, appeared to be their main focus. It was rare for him to persuade new boys to join. His colleague, Mr. Downing, who led the School Fire Brigade, never struggled to find support. Boys eagerly responded to his call. Mr. Outwood sometimes thought about this wistfully, unaware that the Fire Brigade attracted its members because it offered fun opportunities for messing around, while his own group, although small, consisted mostly of serious individuals.
“Yes, Smith.” he said. “Yes. We have a small Archaeological Society. I—er—in a measure look after it. Perhaps you would care to become a member?”
“Yes, Smith,” he said. “Yes. We have a small Archaeological Society. I—uh—kind of manage it. Would you be interested in becoming a member?”
“Please, sir—” said Spiller.
“Excuse me, sir—” said Spiller.
“One moment, Spiller. Do you want to join, Smith?”
“One moment, Spiller. Do you want to join, Smith?”
“Intensely, sir. Archaeology fascinates me. A grand pursuit, sir.”
“Absolutely, sir. I'm really fascinated by archaeology. It's an amazing pursuit, sir.”
“Undoubtedly, Smith. I am very pleased, very pleased indeed. I will put down your name at once.”
“Of course, Smith. I'm really happy, very happy indeed. I'll write down your name right away.”
“And Jackson’s, sir.”
“And Jackson's, sir.”
“Jackson, too!” Mr. Outwood beamed. “I am delighted. Most delighted. This is capital. This enthusiasm is most capital.”
“Jackson, too!” Mr. Outwood grinned. “I’m thrilled. Really thrilled. This is great. This enthusiasm is absolutely fantastic.”
“Spiller, sir,” said Psmith sadly, “I have been unable to induce to join.”
“Spiller, sir,” said Psmith sadly, “I haven't been able to persuade him to join.”
“Oh, he is one of our oldest members.”
“Oh, he’s one of our longest-serving members.”
“Ah,” said Psmith, tolerantly, “that accounts for it.”
“Ah,” Psmith said, understandingly, “that explains it.”
“Please, sir—” said Spiller.
“Excuse me, sir—” said Spiller.
“One moment, Spiller. We shall have the first outing of the term on Saturday. We intend to inspect the Roman Camp at Embury Hill, two miles from the school.”
“One moment, Spiller. We’re going to have our first trip of the term on Saturday. We plan to visit the Roman Camp at Embury Hill, which is two miles from the school.”
“We shall be there, sir.”
“We'll be there, sir.”
“Capital!”
"Capital!"
“Please, sir—” said Spiller.
"Please, sir—" Spiller said.
“One moment, Spiller,” said Psmith. “There is just one other matter, if you could spare the time, sir.”
“Just a second, Spiller,” said Psmith. “There’s one more thing I’d like to discuss, if you have a moment, sir.”
“Certainly, Smith. What is that?”
“Sure, Smith. What’s that?”
“Would there be any objection to Jackson and myself taking Simpson’s old study?”
“Is there any objection to Jackson and me taking Simpson’s old study?”
“By all means, Smith. A very good idea.”
“Of course, Smith. That's a great idea.”
“Yes, sir. It would give us a place where we could work quietly in the evenings.”
“Yes, sir. It would give us a place where we could work quietly in the evenings.”
“Quite so. Quite so.”
"Exactly. Exactly."
“Thank you very much, sir. We will move our things in.”
“Thank you so much, sir. We’ll bring in our stuff.”
“Thank you very much, sir,” said Mike.
“Thank you so much, sir,” said Mike.
“Please, sir,” shouted Spiller, “aren’t I to have it? I’m next on the list, sir. I come next after Simpson. Can’t I have it?”
“Please, sir,” shouted Spiller, “am I not getting it? I’m next on the list, sir. I come right after Simpson. Can’t I have it?”
“I’m afraid I have already promised it to Smith, Spiller. You should have spoken before.”
“I’m sorry, but I already promised it to Smith, Spiller. You should have said something earlier.”
“But, sir——”
"But, sir—"
Psmith eyed the speaker pityingly.
Psmith looked at the speaker with pity.
“This tendency to delay, Spiller,” he said, “is your besetting fault. Correct it, Edwin. Fight against it.”
“This habit of procrastination, Spiller,” he said, “is your biggest weakness. Fix it, Edwin. Resist it.”
He turned to Mr. Outwood.
He turned to Mr. Outwood.
“We should, of course, sir, always be glad to see Spiller in our study. He would always find a cheery welcome waiting there for him. There is no formality between ourselves and Spiller.”
“We should, of course, sir, always be happy to see Spiller in our study. He would always find a warm welcome waiting for him there. There’s no formality between us and Spiller.”
“Quite so. An excellent arrangement, Smith. I like this spirit of comradeship in my house. Then you will be with us on Saturday?”
“Absolutely. A great setup, Smith. I appreciate this sense of camaraderie in my home. So you’ll be joining us on Saturday?”
“On Saturday, sir.”
"On Saturday, sir."
“All this sort of thing, Spiller,” said Psmith, as they closed the door, “is very, very trying for a man of culture. Look us up in our study one of these afternoons.”
“All this kind of thing, Spiller,” said Psmith as they closed the door, “is really, really exhausting for a cultured person. Come visit us in our study one of these afternoons.”
CHAPTER XXXIV
GUERRILLA WARFARE
“There are few pleasures,” said Psmith, as he resumed his favourite position against the mantelpiece and surveyed the commandeered study with the pride of a householder, “keener to the reflective mind than sitting under one’s own roof-tree. This place would have been wasted on Spiller; he would not have appreciated it properly.”
“There are few pleasures,” said Psmith, as he settled back into his favorite spot against the mantelpiece and looked around the commandeered study with the pride of a homeowner, “more satisfying to a thoughtful person than being under one’s own roof. This place would have been wasted on Spiller; he wouldn’t have appreciated it at all.”
Mike was finishing his tea. “You’re a jolly useful chap to have by you in a crisis, Smith,” he said with approval. “We ought to have known each other before.”
Mike was finishing his tea. “You’re a really helpful guy to have around in a crisis, Smith,” he said approvingly. “We should have met each other earlier.”
“The loss was mine,” said Psmith courteously. “We will now, with your permission, face the future for awhile. I suppose you realise that we are now to a certain extent up against it. Spiller’s hot Spanish blood is not going to sit tight and do nothing under a blow like this.”
“The loss was mine,” Psmith said politely. “Now, with your permission, let's focus on the future for a bit. I assume you understand that we're somewhat in a tough spot now. Spiller’s fiery Spanish temperament isn’t going to just sit back and do nothing after a hit like this.”
“What can he do? Outwood’s given us the study.”
“What can he do? Outwood has assigned us the study.”
“What would you have done if somebody had bagged your study?”
“What would you do if someone messed with your studies?”
“Made it jolly hot for them!”
“Made it really hot for them!”
“So will Comrade Spiller. I take it that he will collect a gang and make an offensive movement against us directly he can. To all appearances we are in a fairly tight place. It all depends on how big Comrade Spiller’s gang will be. I don’t like rows, but I’m prepared to take on a reasonable number of bravoes in defence of the home.”
“So will Comrade Spiller. I assume he’ll gather a group and make a move against us as soon as he can. It seems like we’re in a pretty tough spot. It all depends on how large Comrade Spiller’s group will be. I’m not a fan of fights, but I’m ready to take on a reasonable number of tough guys to defend the home.”
Mike intimated that he was with him on the point. “The difficulty is, though,” he said, “about when we leave this room. I mean, we’re all right while we stick here, but we can’t stay all night.”
Mike suggested that he agreed with him on that point. “The problem is,” he said, “when we leave this room. I mean, we’re fine as long as we stay here, but we can’t stick around all night.”
“That’s just what I was about to point out when you put it with such admirable clearness. Here we are in a stronghold, they can only get at us through the door, and we can lock that.”
“That’s exactly what I was about to say when you made it so clear. Here we are in a secure place; they can only reach us through the door, and we can lock that.”
“And jam a chair against it.”
“And wedge a chair against it.”
“And, as you rightly remark, jam a chair against it. But what of the nightfall? What of the time when we retire to our dormitory?”
“And, as you correctly pointed out, let's push a chair against it. But what about nighttime? What about when we go to our dorm room?”
“Or dormitories. I say, if we’re in separate rooms we shall be in the cart.”
“Or dorms. I mean, if we’re in different rooms, we’re in trouble.”
Psmith eyed Mike with approval. “He thinks of everything! You’re the man, Comrade Jackson, to conduct an affair of this kind—such foresight! such resource! We must see to this at once; if they put us in different rooms we’re done—we shall be destroyed singly in the watches of the night.”
Psmith looked at Mike with approval. “He thinks of everything! You’re the guy, Comrade Jackson, to handle something like this—such foresight! Such resourcefulness! We need to take care of this right away; if they place us in different rooms, we’re done—we’ll be picked off one by one in the dead of night.”
“We’d better nip down to the matron right off.”
“We should go see the matron right away.”
“Not the matron—Comrade Outwood is the man. We are as sons to him; there is nothing he can deny us. I’m afraid we are quite spoiling his afternoon by these interruptions, but we must rout him out once more.”
“Not the matron—Comrade Outwood is the guy. We’re like sons to him; there’s nothing he can refuse us. I’m worried we’re really ruining his afternoon with these interruptions, but we have to drag him out one more time.”
As they got up, the door handle rattled again, and this time there followed a knocking.
As they stood up, the door handle rattled again, and this time there was knocking.
“This must be an emissary of Comrade Spiller’s,” said Psmith. “Let us parley with the man.”
“This must be a messenger from Comrade Spiller,” said Psmith. “Let’s talk to him.”
Mike unlocked the door. A light-haired youth with a cheerful, rather vacant face and a receding chin strolled into the room, and stood giggling with his hands in his pockets.
Mike unlocked the door. A light-haired young man with a cheerful, somewhat empty expression and a receding chin walked into the room and stood there giggling with his hands in his pockets.
“I just came up to have a look at you,” he explained.
“I just came by to check on you,” he explained.
“If you move a little to the left,” said Psmith, “you will catch the light and shade effects on Jackson’s face better.”
“If you shift a bit to the left,” said Psmith, “you’ll get a better view of the light and shadow on Jackson’s face.”
The new-comer giggled with renewed vigour. “Are you the chap with the eyeglass who jaws all the time?”
The newcomer laughed with newfound energy. “Are you the guy with the eyeglass who talks all the time?”
“I do wear an eyeglass,” said Psmith; “as to the rest of the description——”
“I do wear glasses,” said Psmith; “as for the rest of the description——”
“My name’s Jellicoe.”
"I'm Jellicoe."
“Mine is Psmith—P-s-m-i-t-h—one of the Shropshire Psmiths. The object on the skyline is Comrade Jackson.”
“Mine is Psmith—P-s-m-i-t-h—one of the Shropshire Psmiths. The figure on the skyline is Comrade Jackson.”
“Old Spiller,” giggled Jellicoe, “is cursing you like anything downstairs. You are chaps! Do you mean to say you simply bagged his study? He’s making no end of a row about it.”
“Old Spiller,” laughed Jellicoe, “is down there cursing you like crazy. You are something else! Are you telling me you just took over his study? He’s causing quite the racket about it.”
“Spiller’s fiery nature is a byword,” said Psmith.
“Spiller’s fiery personality is well-known,” said Psmith.
“What’s he going to do?” asked Mike, in his practical way.
“What’s he going to do?” asked Mike, in his practical way.
“He’s going to get the chaps to turn you out.”
“He's going to get the guys to throw you out.”
“As I suspected,” sighed Psmith, as one mourning over the frailty of human nature. “About how many horny-handed assistants should you say that he would be likely to bring? Will you, for instance, join the glad throng?”
“As I suspected,” sighed Psmith, as if lamenting the weakness of human nature. “How many hardworking assistants do you think he would likely bring? Would you, for example, join the happy crowd?”
“Me? No fear! I think Spiller’s an ass.”
“Me? Not scared at all! I think Spiller’s a jerk.”
“There’s nothing like a common thought for binding people together. I think Spiller’s an ass.”
“There’s nothing like a shared opinion to bring people together. I think Spiller’s an idiot.”
“How many will there be, then?” asked Mike.
“How many will there be, then?” asked Mike.
“He might get about half a dozen, not more, because most of the chaps don’t see why they should sweat themselves just because Spiller’s study has been bagged.”
“He might get around six, not more, because most of the guys don’t see why they should work hard just because Spiller’s study has been claimed.”
“Sturdy common sense,” said Psmith approvingly, “seems to be the chief virtue of the Sedleigh character.”
“Strong common sense,” said Psmith with approval, “appears to be the main quality of the Sedleigh character.”
“We shall be able to tackle a crowd like that,” said Mike. “The only thing is we must get into the same dormitory.”
“We can handle a crowd like that,” said Mike. “The only thing is we need to be in the same dorm.”
“This is where Comrade Jellicoe’s knowledge of the local geography will come in useful. Do you happen to know of any snug little room, with, say, about four beds in it? How many dormitories are there?”
“This is where Comrade Jellicoe’s knowledge of the local geography will come in handy. Do you know of any cozy little room with, let’s say, about four beds in it? How many dormitories are there?”
“Five—there’s one with three beds in it, only it belongs to three chaps.”
“Five—there's one with three beds in it, but it belongs to three guys.”
“I believe in the equal distribution of property. We will go to Comrade Outwood and stake out another claim.”
“I believe in sharing property equally. Let's go to Comrade Outwood and claim another piece of land.”
Mr. Outwood received them even more beamingly than before. “Yes, Smith?” he said.
Mr. Outwood greeted them even more warmly than before. “Yes, Smith?” he said.
“We must apologise for disturbing you, sir——”
“We're sorry to disturb you, sir——”
“Not at all, Smith, not at all! I like the boys in my house to come to me when they wish for my advice or help.”
"Not at all, Smith, not at all! I want the boys in my house to come to me whenever they need my advice or help."
“We were wondering, sir, if you would have any objection to Jackson, Jellicoe and myself sharing the dormitory with the three beds in it. A very warm friendship—” explained Psmith, patting the gurgling Jellicoe kindly on the shoulder, “has sprung up between Jackson, Jellicoe and myself.”
“We were wondering, sir, if you would mind Jackson, Jellicoe, and me sharing the dorm with the three beds in it. A really close friendship—” explained Psmith, giving the gurgling Jellicoe a friendly pat on the shoulder, “has developed between Jackson, Jellicoe, and me.”
“You make friends easily, Smith. I like to see it—I like to see it.”
“You make friends easily, Smith. I enjoy seeing that—I enjoy seeing that.”
“And we can have the room, sir?”
“And we can have the room, sir?”
“Certainly—certainly! Tell the matron as you go down.”
“Of course—absolutely! Let the matron know as you head down.”
“And now,” said Psmith, as they returned to the study, “we may say that we are in a fairly winning position. A vote of thanks to Comrade Jellicoe for his valuable assistance.”
“And now,” said Psmith, as they went back to the study, “we can say that we’re in a pretty good position. A big thanks to Comrade Jellicoe for his helpful support.”
“You are a chap!” said Jellicoe.
“You're a dude!” said Jellicoe.
The handle began to revolve again.
The handle started to turn again.
“That door,” said Psmith, “is getting a perfect incubus! It cuts into one’s leisure cruelly.”
“That door,” said Psmith, “is becoming a real nuisance! It really interrupts my downtime.”
This time it was a small boy. “They told me to come up and tell you to come down,” he said.
This time it was a little kid. “They told me to come up and let you know to come down,” he said.
Psmith looked at him searchingly through his eyeglass.
Psmith examined him intently through his monocle.
“Who?”
“Who’s that?”
“The senior day-room chaps.”
“The guys in the senior day-room.”
“Spiller?”
“Spiller?”
“Spiller and Robinson and Stone, and some other chaps.”
“Spiller, Robinson, Stone, and a few other guys.”
“They want us to speak to them?”
“They want us to talk to them?”
“They told me to come up and tell you to come down.”
“They asked me to come up and tell you to come down.”
“Go and give Comrade Spiller our compliments and say that we can’t come down, but shall be delighted to see him up here. Things,” he said, as the messenger departed, “are beginning to move. Better leave the door open, I think; it will save trouble. Ah, come in, Comrade Spiller, what can we do for you?”
“Go and give Comrade Spiller our regards and let him know we can’t come down, but we’d be happy to see him up here. Things,” he said as the messenger left, “are starting to happen. I think it’s better to leave the door open; it’ll save us some hassle. Ah, come in, Comrade Spiller, what can we do for you?”
Spiller advanced into the study; the others waited outside, crowding in the doorway.
Spiller walked into the study while the others waited outside, crowding in the doorway.
“Look here,” said Spiller, “are you going to clear out of here or not?”
“Listen,” said Spiller, “are you going to leave or not?”
“After Mr. Outwood’s kindly thought in giving us the room? You suggest a black and ungrateful action, Comrade Spiller.”
“After Mr. Outwood’s generous gesture in giving us the room? You're suggesting a selfish and ungrateful act, Comrade Spiller.”
“You’ll get it hot, if you don’t.”
"You'll find yourself in trouble if you don't."
“We’ll risk it,” said Mike.
"We'll take the chance," said Mike.
Jellicoe giggled in the background; the drama in the atmosphere appealed to him. His was a simple and appreciative mind.
Jellicoe laughed softly in the background; the tension in the air fascinated him. He had a straightforward and appreciative perspective.
“Come on, you chaps,” cried Spiller suddenly.
“Come on, you guys,” shouted Spiller suddenly.
There was an inward rush on the enemy’s part, but Mike had been watching. He grabbed Spiller by the shoulders and ran him back against the advancing crowd. For a moment the doorway was blocked, then the weight and impetus of Mike and Spiller prevailed, the enemy gave back, and Mike, stepping into the room again, slammed the door and locked it.
There was a surge from the enemy, but Mike had been paying attention. He grabbed Spiller by the shoulders and shoved him back against the advancing crowd. For a moment, the doorway was blocked, then the combined weight and momentum of Mike and Spiller pushed back, the enemy retreated, and Mike, stepping back into the room, slammed the door and locked it.
“A neat piece of work,” said Psmith approvingly, adjusting his tie at the looking-glass. “The preliminaries may now be considered over, the first shot has been fired. The dogs of war are now loose.”
“A solid piece of work,” said Psmith with approval, fixing his tie in front of the mirror. “The preliminaries can now be considered finished, the first shot has been fired. The dogs of war are now unleashed.”
A heavy body crashed against the door.
A heavy body slammed into the door.
“They’ll have it down,” said Jellicoe.
“They’ll figure it out,” said Jellicoe.
“We must act, Comrade Jackson! Might I trouble you just to turn that key quietly, and the handle, and then to stand by for the next attack.”
“We need to take action, Comrade Jackson! Could you please quietly turn that key and the handle, and then be ready for the next attack?”
There was a scrambling of feet in the passage outside, and then a repetition of the onslaught on the door. This time, however, the door, instead of resisting, swung open, and the human battering-ram staggered through into the study. Mike, turning after re-locking the door, was just in time to see Psmith, with a display of energy of which one would not have believed him capable, grip the invader scientifically by an arm and a leg.
There was a rush of footsteps in the hallway outside, followed by another attack on the door. This time, however, instead of holding firm, the door swung open, and the person charged into the study. Mike, turning after locking the door again, just caught sight of Psmith, displaying an unexpected burst of energy, grabbing the intruder confidently by an arm and a leg.
Mike jumped to help, but it was needless; the captive was already on the window-sill. As Mike arrived, Psmith dropped him on to the flower-bed below.
Mike rushed to help, but it was unnecessary; the prisoner was already on the window-sill. As Mike got there, Psmith dropped him onto the flower bed below.
Psmith closed the window gently and turned to Jellicoe. “Who was our guest?” he asked, dusting the knees of his trousers where they had pressed against the wall.
Psmith closed the window softly and turned to Jellicoe. “Who was our guest?” he asked, brushing the dust off the knees of his pants where they had pressed against the wall.
“Robinson. I say, you are a chap!”
"Robinson. I say, you are a dude!"
“Robinson, was it? Well, we are always glad to see Comrade Robinson, always. I wonder if anybody else is thinking of calling?”
“Robinson, right? Well, we’re always happy to see Comrade Robinson, always. I wonder if anyone else is planning to call?”
Apparently frontal attack had been abandoned. Whisperings could be heard in the corridor.
Apparently, a direct attack had been called off. Murmurs could be heard in the hallway.
Somebody hammered on the door.
Someone knocked on the door.
“Yes?” called Psmith patiently.
“Yes?” Psmith called patiently.
“You’d better come out, you know; you’ll only get it hotter if you don’t.”
“You should come out, you know; it’s just going to get worse if you don’t.”
“Leave us, Spiller; we would be alone.”
“Leave us, Spiller; we want to be alone.”
A bell rang in the distance.
A bell rang in the distance.
“Tea,” said Jellicoe; “we shall have to go now.”
“Tea,” said Jellicoe; “we need to go now.”
“They won’t do anything till after tea, I shouldn’t think,” said Mike. “There’s no harm in going out.”
“They probably won’t do anything until after tea, I don’t think,” Mike said. “It’s fine to go out.”
The passage was empty when they opened the door; the call to food was evidently a thing not to be treated lightly by the enemy.
The hallway was empty when they opened the door; clearly, the lure of food was something the enemy took seriously.
In the dining-room the beleaguered garrison were the object of general attention. Everybody turned to look at them as they came in. It was plain that the study episode had been a topic of conversation. Spiller’s face was crimson, and Robinson’s coat-sleeve still bore traces of garden mould.
In the dining room, the exhausted group caught everyone's attention. Everyone turned to watch them as they entered. It was clear that the earlier incident had been a hot topic of discussion. Spiller's face was bright red, and Robinson's coat sleeve still showed signs of dirt from the garden.
Mike felt rather conscious of the eyes, but Psmith was in his element. His demeanour throughout the meal was that of some whimsical monarch condescending for a freak to revel with his humble subjects.
Mike felt a bit self-conscious under the gaze of others, but Psmith was totally in his element. His attitude during the meal was like that of a quirky king who graciously allows a jester to enjoy himself among his ordinary subjects.
Towards the end of the meal Psmith scribbled a note and passed it to Mike. It read: “Directly this is over, nip upstairs as quickly as you can.”
Towards the end of the meal, Psmith jotted down a note and handed it to Mike. It said: “As soon as this is over, go upstairs as fast as you can.”
Mike followed the advice; they were first out of the room. When they had been in the study a few moments, Jellicoe knocked at the door. “Lucky you two cut away so quick,” he said. “They were going to try and get you into the senior day-room and scrag you there.”
Mike took the advice and left the room first. After they had been in the study for a few moments, Jellicoe knocked on the door. “Good thing you two left so quickly,” he said. “They were planning to pull you into the senior day-room and get you there.”
“This,” said Psmith, leaning against the mantelpiece, “is exciting, but it can’t go on. We have got for our sins to be in this place for a whole term, and if we are going to do the Hunted Fawn business all the time, life in the true sense of the word will become an impossibility. My nerves are so delicately attuned that the strain would simply reduce them to hash. We are not prepared to carry on a long campaign—the thing must be settled at once.”
“This,” said Psmith, leaning against the mantle, “is exciting, but it can’t go on. We have to be in this place for an entire term, and if we keep playing the Hunted Fawn game all the time, real life will become impossible. My nerves are so finely tuned that the stress would just turn them to mush. We’re not equipped to sustain a long campaign—the issue needs to be resolved immediately.”
“Shall we go down to the senior day-room, and have it out?” said Mike.
“Should we head down to the senior day room and sort this out?” Mike said.
“No, we will play the fixture on our own ground. I think we may take it as tolerably certain that Comrade Spiller and his hired ruffians will try to corner us in the dormitory to-night. Well, of course, we could fake up some sort of barricade for the door, but then we should have all the trouble over again to-morrow and the day after that. Personally I don’t propose to be chivvied about indefinitely like this, so I propose that we let them come into the dormitory, and see what happens. Is this meeting with me?”
“No, we’ll play the game on our own turf. I think it’s pretty certain that Comrade Spiller and his hired goons will try to trap us in the dorm tonight. Well, sure, we could throw together some kind of barricade for the door, but then we’d just have all the same trouble again tomorrow and the day after. Personally, I’m not keen on being pushed around like this indefinitely, so I suggest we let them come into the dorm and see what happens. Is this meeting with me?”
“I think that’s sound,” said Mike. “We needn’t drag Jellicoe into it.”
“I think that makes sense,” said Mike. “We don’t need to involve Jellicoe in this.”
“As a matter of fact—if you don’t mind—” began that man of peace.
“As a matter of fact—if you don’t mind—” began that peaceful man.
“Quite right,” said Psmith; “this is not Comrade Jellicoe’s scene at all; he has got to spend the term in the senior day-room, whereas we have our little wooden châlet to retire to in times of stress. Comrade Jellicoe must stand out of the game altogether. We shall be glad of his moral support, but otherwise, ne pas. And now, as there won’t be anything doing till bedtime, I think I’ll collar this table and write home and tell my people that all is well with their Rupert.”
“Exactly,” said Psmith; “this is definitely not Comrade Jellicoe’s scene at all; he has to spend the term in the senior day room, while we have our little wooden châlet to retreat to during stressful times. Comrade Jellicoe has to sit this one out completely. We’ll appreciate his moral support, but that’s about it, ne pas. And now, since nothing is happening until bedtime, I think I’ll take this table and write home to let my family know that all is well with their Rupert.”
CHAPTER XXXV
UNPLEASANTNESS IN THE SMALL HOURS
Jellicoe, that human encyclopaedia, consulted on the probable movements of the enemy, deposed that Spiller, retiring at ten, would make for Dormitory One in the same passage, where Robinson also had a bed. The rest of the opposing forces were distributed among other and more distant rooms. It was probable, therefore, that Dormitory One would be the rendezvous. As to the time when an attack might be expected, it was unlikely that it would occur before half-past eleven. Mr. Outwood went the round of the dormitories at eleven.
Jellicoe, that walking encyclopedia, consulted on what the enemy might do next and stated that Spiller, leaving at ten, would head for Dormitory One in the same hallway, where Robinson also had a bed. The rest of the opposing forces were spread out in other, more distant rooms. So, it was likely that Dormitory One would be the meeting point. As for when an attack might happen, it was unlikely to occur before 11:30. Mr. Outwood checked the dormitories at eleven.
“And touching,” said Psmith, “the matter of noise, must this business be conducted in a subdued and sotto voce manner, or may we let ourselves go a bit here and there?”
“And regarding,” said Psmith, “the issue of noise, should this business be carried out quietly and sotto voce, or can we relax a little here and there?”
“I shouldn’t think old Outwood’s likely to hear you—he sleeps miles away on the other side of the house. He never hears anything. We often rag half the night and nothing happens.”
“I shouldn’t think old Outwood is likely to hear you—he sleeps miles away on the other side of the house. He never hears anything. We often joke around half the night and nothing happens.”
“This appears to be a thoroughly nice, well-conducted establishment. What would my mother say if she could see her Rupert in the midst of these reckless youths!”
“This seems to be a really nice, well-run place. What would my mom think if she could see her Rupert among these wild kids!”
“All the better,” said Mike; “we don’t want anybody butting in and stopping the show before it’s half started.”
“All the better,” Mike said; “we don’t want anyone interrupting and ruining the show before it’s even halfway through.”
“Comrade Jackson’s Berserk blood is up—I can hear it sizzling. I quite agree these things are all very disturbing and painful, but it’s as well to do them thoroughly when one’s once in for them. Is there nobody else who might interfere with our gambols?”
“Comrade Jackson’s Berserk blood is boiling—I can hear it sizzling. I totally agree these things are all very unsettling and hurtful, but it's best to do them completely once you’re committed. Is there no one else who might stop us from having our fun?”
“Barnes might,” said Jellicoe, “only he won’t.”
“Barnes might,” Jellicoe said, “but he won’t.”
“Who is Barnes?”
"Who's Barnes?"
“Head of the house—a rotter. He’s in a funk of Stone and Robinson; they rag him; he’ll simply sit tight.”
“Head of the house—a jerk. He’s in a slump with Stone and Robinson; they tease him; he’ll just hang in there.”
“Then I think,” said Psmith placidly, “we may look forward to a very pleasant evening. Shall we be moving?”
“Then I think,” said Psmith calmly, “we can look forward to a really nice evening. Should we get going?”
Mr. Outwood paid his visit at eleven, as predicted by Jellicoe, beaming vaguely into the darkness over a candle, and disappeared again, closing the door.
Mr. Outwood arrived for his visit at eleven, just as Jellicoe had predicted, smiling slightly into the darkness over a candle, and then he left again, shutting the door behind him.
“How about that door?” said Mike. “Shall we leave it open for them?”
“How about that door?” Mike said. “Should we leave it open for them?”
“Not so, but far otherwise. If it’s shut we shall hear them at it when they come. Subject to your approval, Comrade Jackson, I have evolved the following plan of action. I always ask myself on these occasions, ‘What would Napoleon have done?’ I think Napoleon would have sat in a chair by his washhand-stand, which is close to the door; he would have posted you by your washhand-stand, and he would have instructed Comrade Jellicoe, directly he heard the door-handle turned, to give his celebrated imitation of a dormitory breathing heavily in its sleep. He would then——”
“Not at all, but quite the opposite. If it’s closed, we’ll hear them when they arrive. With your approval, Comrade Jackson, I’ve come up with the following plan. I always ask myself during these moments, ‘What would Napoleon have done?’ I think Napoleon would have sat in a chair by his washbasin, which is near the door; he would have positioned you by your washbasin, and he would have instructed Comrade Jellicoe, as soon as he heard the door handle turn, to give his famous impression of a dormitory breathing heavily in its sleep. He would then——”
“I tell you what,” said Mike, “how about tying a string at the top of the steps?”
“I have an idea,” said Mike, “how about tying a string at the top of the stairs?”
“Yes, Napoleon would have done that, too. Hats off to Comrade Jackson, the man with the big brain!”
“Yes, Napoleon would have done that as well. Hats off to Comrade Jackson, the guy with the big brain!”
The floor of the dormitory was below the level of the door. There were three steps leading down to it. Psmith lit a candle and they examined the ground. The leg of a wardrobe and the leg of Jellicoe’s bed made it possible for the string to be fastened in a satisfactory manner across the lower step. Psmith surveyed the result with approval.
The dormitory floor was lower than the door. There were three steps leading down to it. Psmith lit a candle and they looked over the ground. The leg of a wardrobe and Jellicoe’s bed leg allowed them to securely fasten the string across the lower step. Psmith inspected the outcome with satisfaction.
“Dashed neat!” he said. “Practically the sunken road which dished the Cuirassiers at Waterloo. I seem to see Comrade Spiller coming one of the finest purlers in the world’s history.”
“Absolutely brilliant!” he said. “It’s like the sunken road that took down the Cuirassiers at Waterloo. I can almost picture Comrade Spiller making one of the best moves in history.”
“If they’ve got a candle——”
"If they have a candle——"
“They won’t have. If they have, stand by with your water-jug and douse it at once; then they’ll charge forward and all will be well. If they have no candle, fling the water at a venture—fire into the brown! Lest we forget, I’ll collar Comrade Jellicoe’s jug now and keep it handy. A couple of sheets would also not be amiss—we will enmesh the enemy!”
“They won’t have it. If they do, be ready with your water jug and put it out immediately; then they’ll charge forward and everything will be fine. If they don’t have a candle, throw the water anyway—fire into the brown! Just to make sure we don’t forget, I’ll grab Comrade Jellicoe’s jug now and keep it close. A couple of sheets wouldn’t hurt either—we’ll trap the enemy!”
“Right ho!” said Mike.
"Alright!" said Mike.
“These humane preparations being concluded,” said Psmith, “we will retire to our posts and wait. Comrade Jellicoe, don’t forget to breathe like an asthmatic sheep when you hear the door opened; they may wait at the top of the steps, listening.”
“These friendly preparations being finished,” said Psmith, “we’ll head to our spots and wait. Comrade Jellicoe, don’t forget to breathe like an asthmatic sheep when you hear the door open; they might wait at the top of the steps, listening.”
“You are a chap!” said Jellicoe.
“You're a guy!” said Jellicoe.
Waiting in the dark for something to happen is always a trying experience, especially if, as on this occasion, silence is essential. Mike found his thoughts wandering back to the vigil he had kept with Mr. Wain at Wrykyn on the night when Wyatt had come in through the window and found authority sitting on his bed, waiting for him. Mike was tired after his journey, and he had begun to doze when he was jerked back to wakefulness by the stealthy turning of the door-handle; the faintest rustle from Psmith’s direction followed, and a slight giggle, succeeded by a series of deep breaths, showed that Jellicoe, too, had heard the noise.
Waiting in the dark for something to happen is always a tough experience, especially when, like this time, silence is crucial. Mike found his mind drifting back to the vigil he had kept with Mr. Wain at Wrykyn the night Wyatt had come in through the window and found authority sitting on his bed, waiting for him. Mike was tired after his trip and had started to doze off when he was jolted back to wakefulness by the quiet turning of the doorknob; a faint rustle from Psmith’s direction followed, and a slight giggle, succeeded by a series of deep breaths, showed that Jellicoe had also heard the noise.
There was a creaking sound.
There was a creaky noise.
It was pitch-dark in the dormitory, but Mike could follow the invaders’ movements as clearly as if it had been broad daylight. They had opened the door and were listening. Jellicoe’s breathing grew more asthmatic; he was flinging himself into his part with the whole-heartedness of the true artist.
It was pitch-dark in the dormitory, but Mike could track the invaders’ movements as clearly as if it were broad daylight. They had opened the door and were listening. Jellicoe’s breathing became more labored; he was throwing himself into his role with the dedication of a true artist.
The creak was followed by a sound of whispering, then another creak. The enemy had advanced to the top step.... Another creak.... The vanguard had reached the second step.... In another moment——
The creak was followed by a whispering sound, then another creak. The enemy had made it to the top step.... Another creak.... The front line had reached the second step.... In another moment——
CRASH!
CRASH!
And at that point the proceedings may be said to have formally opened.
And at that point, the proceedings can be said to have officially started.
A struggling mass bumped against Mike’s shins as he rose from his chair; he emptied his jug on to this mass, and a yell of anguish showed that the contents had got to the right address.
A crowd pushed against Mike's shins as he stood up from his chair; he poured his jug onto the crowd, and a yell of pain indicated that the liquid had hit its target.
Then a hand grabbed his ankle and he went down, a million sparks dancing before his eyes as a fist, flying out at a venture, caught him on the nose.
Then a hand grabbed his ankle and he fell, a million sparks dancing before his eyes as a fist, thrown without warning, hit him on the nose.
Mike had not been well-disposed towards the invaders before, but now he ran amok, hitting out right and left at random. His right missed, but his left went home hard on some portion of somebody’s anatomy. A kick freed his ankle and he staggered to his feet. At the same moment a sudden increase in the general volume of noise spoke eloquently of good work that was being put in by Psmith.
Mike hadn’t liked the invaders before, but now he was going wild, swinging at anything and everything. His right punch missed, but his left connected forcefully with someone. A kick released his ankle, and he stumbled to his feet. At that moment, the sudden rise in noise clearly indicated that Psmith was doing a great job.
Even at that crisis, Mike could not help feeling that if a row of this calibre did not draw Mr. Outwood from his bed, he must be an unusual kind of house-master.
Even during that crisis, Mike couldn't shake the feeling that if a commotion like this didn't get Mr. Outwood out of bed, he must be a pretty unusual headmaster.
He plunged forward again with outstretched arms, and stumbled and fell over one of the on-the-floor section of the opposing force. They seized each other earnestly and rolled across the room till Mike, contriving to secure his adversary’s head, bumped it on the floor with such abandon that, with a muffled yell, the other let go, and for the second time he rose. As he did so he was conscious of a curious thudding sound that made itself heard through the other assorted noises of the battle.
He lunged forward again with his arms stretched out and tripped, falling over one of the opponents on the floor. They grabbed each other fiercely and rolled across the room until Mike, managing to get a hold of his opponent's head, slammed it down on the floor so hard that, with a muffled yell, the other person released him, allowing Mike to get up for the second time. As he stood, he noticed a strange thudding sound cutting through the other chaos of the fight.
All this time the fight had gone on in the blackest darkness, but now a light shone on the proceedings. Interested occupants of other dormitories, roused from their slumbers, had come to observe the sport. They were crowding in the doorway with a candle.
All this time, the fight had been taking place in complete darkness, but now a light illuminated the scene. Curious residents from other dorms, awakened from their sleep, had gathered to watch the action. They were crowding at the doorway with a candle.
By the light of this Mike got a swift view of the theatre of war. The enemy appeared to number five. The warrior whose head Mike had bumped on the floor was Robinson, who was sitting up feeling his skull in a gingerly fashion. To Mike’s right, almost touching him, was Stone. In the direction of the door, Psmith, wielding in his right hand the cord of a dressing-gown, was engaging the remaining three with a patient smile. They were clad in pyjamas, and appeared to be feeling the dressing-gown cord acutely.
By the light of this, Mike got a quick view of the battlefield. The enemy seemed to number five. The fighter whose head Mike had bumped on the floor was Robinson, who was sitting up and carefully feeling his scalp. To Mike’s right, almost next to him, was Stone. Facing the door, Psmith, holding the cord of a bathrobe in his right hand, was dealing with the other three with a calm smile. They were wearing pajamas and looked like they were really feeling the effects of the bathrobe cord.
The sudden light dazed both sides momentarily. The defence was the first to recover, Mike, with a swing, upsetting Stone, and Psmith, having seized and emptied Jellicoe’s jug over Spiller, getting to work again with the cord in a manner that roused the utmost enthusiasm of the spectators.
The sudden light stunned both sides for a moment. The defense was the first to bounce back, with Mike swinging and knocking Stone off balance, while Psmith, having grabbed and dumped Jellicoe's jug over Spiller, got back to business with the cord in a way that excited the spectators to the fullest.
Agility seemed to be the leading feature of Psmith’s tactics. He was everywhere—on Mike’s bed, on his own, on Jellicoe’s (drawing a passionate complaint from that non-combatant, on whose face he inadvertently trod), on the floor—he ranged the room, sowing destruction.
Agility was clearly the standout trait of Psmith’s strategy. He was everywhere—on Mike’s bed, on his own bed, on Jellicoe’s (which drew a heated complaint from that non-combatant, whose face he accidentally stepped on), on the floor—he moved around the room, causing chaos.
The enemy were disheartened; they had started with the idea that this was to be a surprise attack, and it was disconcerting to find the garrison armed at all points. Gradually they edged to the door, and a final rush sent them through.
The enemy was demoralized; they had come in thinking this was going to be a surprise attack, and it was unsettling to see the garrison ready for action at every angle. Slowly, they moved toward the door, and a final push sent them through.
“Hold the door for a second,” cried Psmith, and vanished. Mike was alone in the doorway.
“Hold the door for a second,” shouted Psmith, and disappeared. Mike was left alone in the doorway.
It was a situation which exactly suited his frame of mind; he stood alone in direct opposition to the community into which Fate had pitchforked him so abruptly. He liked the feeling; for the first time since his father had given him his views upon school reports that morning in the Easter holidays, he felt satisfied with life. He hoped, outnumbered as he was, that the enemy would come on again and not give the thing up in disgust; he wanted more.
It was a situation that perfectly matched his mindset; he stood alone in direct opposition to the community that Fate had thrown him into so suddenly. He enjoyed the feeling; for the first time since his father had shared his thoughts on school reports that morning during the Easter holidays, he felt content with life. He hoped that, despite being outnumbered, the enemy would advance again and not back down in frustration; he wanted more.
On an occasion like this there is rarely anything approaching concerted action on the part of the aggressors. When the attack came, it was not a combined attack; Stone, who was nearest to the door, made a sudden dash forward, and Mike hit him under the chin.
On an occasion like this, there’s usually nothing close to a coordinated effort from the attackers. When the strike happened, it wasn’t a unified attack; Stone, who was closest to the door, suddenly charged forward, and Mike punched him under the chin.
Stone drew back, and there was another interval for rest and reflection.
Stone pulled back, and there was another moment to rest and think.
It was interrupted by the reappearance of Psmith, who strolled back along the passage swinging his dressing-gown cord as if it were some clouded cane.
It was interrupted by Psmith showing up again, who walked back down the hall swinging his dressing gown cord like it was a fancy cane.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Comrade Jackson,” he said politely. “Duty called me elsewhere. With the kindly aid of a guide who knows the lie of the land, I have been making a short tour of the dormitories. I have poured divers jugfuls of water over Comrade Spiller’s bed, Comrade Robinson’s bed, Comrade Stone’s—Spiller, Spiller, these are harsh words; where you pick them up I can’t think—not from me. Well, well, I suppose there must be an end to the pleasantest of functions. Good-night, good-night.”
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Comrade Jackson,” he said politely. “I got called away for a bit. With the help of a guide who knows the area, I’ve been taking a quick tour of the dorms. I’ve dumped several buckets of water on Comrade Spiller’s bed, Comrade Robinson’s bed, and Comrade Stone’s—Spiller, Spiller, those are strong words; I have no idea where you heard them—not from me. Anyway, I guess every good thing has to come to an end. Good night, good night.”
The door closed behind Mike and himself. For ten minutes shufflings and whisperings went on in the corridor, but nobody touched the handle.
The door closed behind Mike and him. For ten minutes, there were shufflings and whispers in the hallway, but no one touched the handle.
Then there was a sound of retreating footsteps, and silence reigned.
Then there was the sound of footsteps leaving, and silence took over.
On the following morning there was a notice on the house-board. It ran:
On the next morning, there was a notice on the bulletin board. It said:
CHAPTER XXXVI
ADAIR
On the same morning Mike met Adair for the first time.
On that same morning, Mike met Adair for the first time.
He was going across to school with Psmith and Jellicoe, when a group of three came out of the gate of the house next door.
He was on his way to school with Psmith and Jellicoe when a group of three walked out of the gate of the house next door.
“That’s Adair,” said Jellicoe, “in the middle.”
“That's Adair,” Jellicoe said, “in the middle.”
His voice had assumed a tone almost of awe.
His voice had taken on a tone that was nearly one of awe.
“Who’s Adair?” asked Mike.
“Who’s Adair?” Mike asked.
“Captain of cricket, and lots of other things.”
“Captain of cricket, and many other things.”
Mike could only see the celebrity’s back. He had broad shoulders and wiry, light hair, almost white. He walked well, as if he were used to running. Altogether a fit-looking sort of man. Even Mike’s jaundiced eye saw that.
Mike could only see the celebrity’s back. He had broad shoulders and thin, light hair, almost white. He walked confidently, as if he were used to running. Overall, he looked like a fit guy. Even Mike, with his skeptical viewpoint, could see that.
As a matter of fact, Adair deserved more than a casual glance. He was that rare type, the natural leader. Many boys and men, if accident, or the passage of time, places them in a position where they are expected to lead, can handle the job without disaster; but that is a very different thing from being a born leader. Adair was of the sort that comes to the top by sheer force of character and determination. He was not naturally clever at work, but he had gone at it with a dogged resolution which had carried him up the school, and landed him high in the Sixth. As a cricketer he was almost entirely self-taught. Nature had given him a good eye, and left the thing at that. Adair’s doggedness had triumphed over her failure to do her work thoroughly. At the cost of more trouble than most people give to their life-work he had made himself into a bowler. He read the authorities, and watched first-class players, and thought the thing out on his own account, and he divided the art of bowling into three sections. First, and most important—pitch. Second on the list—break. Third—pace. He set himself to acquire pitch. He acquired it. Bowling at his own pace and without any attempt at break, he could now drop the ball on an envelope seven times out of ten.
Actually, Adair deserved more than just a passing look. He was a rare type, a natural leader. Many boys and men, if placed in a leadership position by chance or through time, can manage the role without major issues; but that's very different from being a born leader. Adair stood out because he rose to the top purely through his character and determination. He wasn't naturally skilled at his work, but he approached it with a relentless resolve that propelled him up the school, landing him high in the Sixth Form. As a cricketer, he was mostly self-taught. Nature had given him a good eye, but left it at that. Adair's determination overcame the shortcomings of nature. With more effort than most put into their careers, he transformed himself into a bowler. He studied the experts, observed top players, and figured things out on his own, dividing the art of bowling into three key areas. First, and most importantly—pitch. Second—break. Third—pace. He committed himself to mastering pitch. He succeeded. Bowling at his own pace and without any attempt at break, he could now place the ball on an envelope seven times out of ten.
Break was a more uncertain quantity. Sometimes he could get it at the expense of pitch, sometimes at the expense of pace. Some days he could get all three, and then he was an uncommonly bad man to face on anything but a plumb wicket.
Break was a more unpredictable factor. Sometimes he could achieve it by sacrificing pitch, sometimes by sacrificing pace. Some days he could have all three, and then he was exceptionally difficult to face on anything but a perfectly flat pitch.
Running he had acquired in a similar manner. He had nothing approaching style, but he had twice won the mile and half-mile at the Sports off elegant runners, who knew all about stride and the correct timing of the sprints and all the rest of it.
Running he had picked up in a similar way. He had no real style, but he had won the mile and half-mile races at the Sports twice, beating out graceful runners who understood stride and the right timing for sprints and everything else.
Briefly, he was a worker. He had heart.
Briefly, he was a laborer. He had passion.
A boy of Adair’s type is always a force in a school. In a big public school of six or seven hundred, his influence is felt less; but in a small school like Sedleigh he is like a tidal wave, sweeping all before him. There were two hundred boys at Sedleigh, and there was not one of them in all probability who had not, directly or indirectly, been influenced by Adair. As a small boy his sphere was not large, but the effects of his work began to be apparent even then. It is human nature to want to get something which somebody else obviously values very much; and when it was observed by members of his form that Adair was going to great trouble and inconvenience to secure a place in the form eleven or fifteen, they naturally began to think, too, that it was worth being in those teams. The consequence was that his form always played hard. This made other forms play hard. And the net result was that, when Adair succeeded to the captaincy of football and cricket in the same year, Sedleigh, as Mr. Downing, Adair’s house-master and the nearest approach to a cricket-master that Sedleigh possessed, had a fondness for saying, was a keen school. As a whole, it both worked and played with energy.
A boy like Adair always makes a big impact in a school. In a large public school with six or seven hundred students, his influence might be less noticeable, but in a small school like Sedleigh, he’s like a tidal wave, sweeping everything in his path. There were two hundred boys at Sedleigh, and almost every single one of them had, directly or indirectly, been influenced by Adair. As a younger boy, his circle of influence wasn’t very big, but the results of what he did started to show even then. It’s human nature to want something that someone else clearly values a lot; when his classmates noticed that Adair was going out of his way to secure a place in the top teams, they naturally started to think that being in those teams was worthwhile too. As a result, his class always played hard. This motivated other classes to play harder as well. The end result was that when Adair took over as the captain of both football and cricket in the same year, Sedleigh, as Mr. Downing, Adair’s housemaster and the closest thing to a cricket master Sedleigh had, liked to point out, was a lively school. Overall, everyone worked and played with enthusiasm.
All it wanted now was opportunity.
All it wanted now was a chance.
This Adair was determined to give it. He had that passionate fondness for his school which every boy is popularly supposed to have, but which really is implanted in about one in every thousand. The average public-school boy likes his school. He hopes it will lick Bedford at footer and Malvern at cricket, but he rather bets it won’t. He is sorry to leave, and he likes going back at the end of the holidays, but as for any passionate, deep-seated love of the place, he would think it rather bad form than otherwise. If anybody came up to him, slapped him on the back, and cried, “Come along, Jenkins, my boy! Play up for the old school, Jenkins! The dear old school! The old place you love so!” he would feel seriously ill.
This Adair was determined to give it. He had that intense affection for his school that every boy is thought to have, but which actually exists in about one in every thousand. The typical public-school boy likes his school. He hopes it will beat Bedford in football and Malvern in cricket, but he’s pretty sure it won't. He feels sad to leave, and he enjoys returning at the end of the holidays, but when it comes to any intense, deep-rooted love for the place, he would consider that kind of thinking pretty cheesy. If someone approached him, slapped him on the back, and shouted, “Come on, Jenkins, my boy! Play hard for the old school, Jenkins! The dear old school! The place you love so much!” he would feel genuinely uncomfortable.
Adair was the exception.
Adair was the outlier.
To Adair, Sedleigh was almost a religion. Both his parents were dead; his guardian, with whom he spent the holidays, was a man with neuralgia at one end of him and gout at the other; and the only really pleasant times Adair had had, as far back as he could remember, he owed to Sedleigh. The place had grown on him, absorbed him. Where Mike, violently transplanted from Wrykyn, saw only a wretched little hole not to be mentioned in the same breath with Wrykyn, Adair, dreaming of the future, saw a colossal establishment, a public school among public schools, a lump of human radium, shooting out Blues and Balliol Scholars year after year without ceasing.
To Adair, Sedleigh was almost like a religion. Both of his parents were gone; his guardian, with whom he spent the holidays, suffered from neuralgia on one end and gout on the other; and the only truly enjoyable times Adair could remember, dating back as far as he could recall, were thanks to Sedleigh. The place had grown on him, it had absorbed him. While Mike, who had been uprooted from Wrykyn, saw only a miserable little hole that didn’t deserve to be mentioned alongside Wrykyn, Adair, dreaming of the future, envisioned a massive institution, a top public school, a hub of talent producing Blues and Balliol Scholars year after year without pause.
It would not be so till long after he was gone and forgotten, but he did not mind that. His devotion to Sedleigh was purely unselfish. He did not want fame. All he worked for was that the school should grow and grow, keener and better at games and more prosperous year by year, till it should take its rank among the schools, and to be an Old Sedleighan should be a badge passing its owner everywhere.
It wouldn't be until long after he was gone and forgotten that this would change, but he didn't care. His dedication to Sedleigh was completely selfless. He didn't want fame. All he aimed for was for the school to keep growing, getting better at sports and becoming more successful year after year, until it earned its place among the top schools, and being an Old Sedleighan would be a badge that everyone recognized.
“He’s captain of cricket and footer,” said Jellicoe impressively. “He’s in the shooting eight. He’s won the mile and half two years running. He would have boxed at Aldershot last term, only he sprained his wrist. And he plays fives jolly well!”
“He’s the captain of cricket and football,” said Jellicoe, sounding impressed. “He’s in the shooting team. He’s won the mile and a half for two years in a row. He would’ve boxed at Aldershot last semester, but he sprained his wrist. And he plays fives really well!”
“Sort of little tin god,” said Mike, taking a violent dislike to Adair from that moment.
“Kind of a little tin god,” said Mike, immediately feeling a strong dislike for Adair from that moment.
Mike’s actual acquaintance with this all-round man dated from the dinner-hour that day. Mike was walking to the house with Psmith. Psmith was a little ruffled on account of a slight passage-of-arms he had had with his form-master during morning school.
Mike’s actual familiarity with this versatile guy began during dinner that day. Mike was walking to the house with Psmith. Psmith was a bit upset due to a minor disagreement he had with his teacher during the morning class.
“‘There’s a P before the Smith,’ I said to him. ‘Ah, P. Smith, I see,’ replied the goat. ‘Not Peasmith,’ I replied, exercising wonderful self-restraint, ‘just Psmith.’ It took me ten minutes to drive the thing into the man’s head; and when I had driven it in, he sent me out of the room for looking at him through my eye-glass. Comrade Jackson, I fear me we have fallen among bad men. I suspect that we are going to be much persecuted by scoundrels.”
“‘There’s a P before the Smith,’ I said to him. ‘Oh, P. Smith, I get it,’ replied the goat. ‘Not Peasmith,’ I answered, showing incredible self-control, ‘just Psmith.’ It took me ten minutes to get it through the guy’s head; and when I finally did, he kicked me out of the room for looking at him through my eye-glass. Comrade Jackson, I’m afraid we’ve ended up with some bad folks. I suspect we’re going to be seriously hassled by these scoundrels.”
“Both you chaps play cricket, I suppose?”
“Both of you guys play cricket, I guess?”
They turned. It was Adair. Seeing him face to face, Mike was aware of a pair of very bright blue eyes and a square jaw. In any other place and mood he would have liked Adair at sight. His prejudice, however, against all things Sedleighan was too much for him. “I don’t,” he said shortly.
They turned. It was Adair. Seeing him face to face, Mike noticed a pair of very bright blue eyes and a strong jaw. In any other situation, he would have liked Adair at first glance. However, his bias against everything Sedleighan was too strong for him. “I don’t,” he said curtly.
“Haven’t you ever played?”
“Haven’t you ever played?”
“My little sister and I sometimes play with a soft ball at home.”
“My little sister and I sometimes play with a soft ball at home.”
Adair looked sharply at him. A temper was evidently one of his numerous qualities.
Adair gave him a sharp look. Clearly, having a temper was just one of his many traits.
“Oh,” he said. “Well, perhaps you wouldn’t mind turning out this afternoon and seeing what you can do with a hard ball—if you can manage without your little sister.”
“Oh,” he said. “Well, maybe you wouldn’t mind going out this afternoon and seeing what you can do with a hard ball—if you can handle it without your little sister.”
“I should think the form at this place would be about on a level with hers. But I don’t happen to be playing cricket, as I think I told you.”
“I think the vibe here would be pretty similar to hers. But I'm not really in the mood for cricket, as I believe I mentioned.”
Adair’s jaw grew squarer than ever. Mike was wearing a gloomy scowl.
Adair’s jaw became squarer than ever. Mike had a gloomy scowl on his face.
Psmith joined suavely in the dialogue.
Psmith smoothly joined in the conversation.
“My dear old comrades,” he said, “don’t let us brawl over this matter. This is a time for the honeyed word, the kindly eye, and the pleasant smile. Let me explain to Comrade Adair. Speaking for Comrade Jackson and myself, we should both be delighted to join in the mimic warfare of our National Game, as you suggest, only the fact is, we happen to be the Young Archaeologists. We gave in our names last night. When you are being carried back to the pavilion after your century against Loamshire—do you play Loamshire?—we shall be grubbing in the hard ground for ruined abbeys. The old choice between Pleasure and Duty, Comrade Adair. A Boy’s Cross-Roads.”
“My dear old friends,” he said, “let’s not fight over this. This is a time for kind words, understanding looks, and friendly smiles. Let me explain to Comrade Adair. On behalf of Comrade Jackson and myself, we would both love to join in the fun of our National Game, as you suggested, but the thing is, we are the Young Archaeologists. We signed up last night. While you’re enjoying your time at the pavilion after your score against Loamshire—do you play against Loamshire?—we’ll be digging in the hard ground for old ruins. It’s the age-old choice between Pleasure and Duty, Comrade Adair. A Boy’s Cross-Roads.”
“Then you won’t play?”
“Are you not going to play?”
“No,” said Mike.
“No,” Mike said.
“Archaeology,” said Psmith, with a deprecatory wave of the hand, “will brook no divided allegiance from her devotees.”
"Archaeology," said Psmith, with a dismissive wave of his hand, "will not tolerate any divided loyalty from its followers."
Adair turned, and walked on.
Adair turned and kept walking.
Scarcely had he gone, when another voice hailed them with precisely the same question.
Scarcely had he left when another voice called out to them with exactly the same question.
“Both you fellows are going to play cricket, eh?”
“Are you guys both going to play cricket?”
It was a master. A short, wiry little man with a sharp nose and a general resemblance, both in manner and appearance, to an excitable bullfinch.
It was a master. A short, slim guy with a sharp nose and a general look, both in behavior and appearance, like an excitable bullfinch.
“I saw Adair speaking to you. I suppose you will both play. I like every new boy to begin at once. The more new blood we have, the better. We want keenness here. We are, above all, a keen school. I want every boy to be keen.”
“I saw Adair talking to you. I guess you both will play. I want every new boy to get started right away. The more fresh talent we have, the better. We need enthusiasm here. We are, above all, an enthusiastic school. I want every boy to be enthusiastic.”
“We are, sir,” said Psmith, with fervour.
“We are, sir,” Psmith said passionately.
“Excellent.”
“Awesome.”
“On archaeology.”
"About archaeology."
Mr. Downing—for it was no less a celebrity—started, as one who perceives a loathly caterpillar in his salad.
Mr. Downing—who was no less a celebrity—jumped back, like someone who spots a disgusting caterpillar in their salad.
“Archaeology!”
"Archaeology!"
“We gave in our names to Mr. Outwood last night, sir. Archaeology is a passion with us, sir. When we heard that there was a society here, we went singing about the house.”
“We gave our names to Mr. Outwood last night, sir. Archaeology is a passion of ours, sir. When we found out there was a society here, we went singing around the house.”
“I call it an unnatural pursuit for boys,” said Mr. Downing vehemently. “I don’t like it. I tell you I don’t like it. It is not for me to interfere with one of my colleagues on the staff, but I tell you frankly that in my opinion it is an abominable waste of time for a boy. It gets him into idle, loafing habits.”
“I call it an unnatural pursuit for boys,” Mr. Downing said passionately. “I don’t like it. I’m telling you I just don’t like it. It’s not my place to interfere with one of my colleagues on the staff, but I’ll be honest with you that, in my opinion, it’s a terrible waste of time for a boy. It leads him to develop lazy, loafing habits.”
“I never loaf, sir,” said Psmith.
"I never slack off, sir," said Psmith.
“I was not alluding to you in particular. I was referring to the principle of the thing. A boy ought to be playing cricket with other boys, not wandering at large about the country, probably smoking and going into low public-houses.”
“I wasn't talking about you specifically. I was referring to the overall principle. A boy should be playing cricket with other boys, not roaming around the countryside, likely smoking and hanging out in sketchy pubs.”
“A very wild lot, sir, I fear, the Archaeological Society here,” sighed Psmith, shaking his head.
“A really wild group, sir, I’m afraid,” sighed Psmith, shaking his head.
“If you choose to waste your time, I suppose I can’t hinder you. But in my opinion it is foolery, nothing else.”
“If you want to waste your time, I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop you. But in my view, it’s just foolishness, nothing more.”
He stumped off.
He walked off angrily.
“Now he’s cross,” said Psmith, looking after him. “I’m afraid we’re getting ourselves disliked here.”
“Now he’s angry,” said Psmith, watching him leave. “I’m worried we’re making ourselves unpopular here.”
“Good job, too.”
“Great job, too.”
“At any rate, Comrade Outwood loves us. Let’s go on and see what sort of a lunch that large-hearted fossil-fancier is going to give us.”
“At any rate, Comrade Outwood loves us. Let’s go on and see what kind of lunch that generous fossil enthusiast is going to give us.”
CHAPTER XXXVII
MIKE FINDS OCCUPATION
There was more than one moment during the first fortnight of term when Mike found himself regretting the attitude he had imposed upon himself with regard to Sedleighan cricket. He began to realise the eternal truth of the proverb about half a loaf and no bread. In the first flush of his resentment against his new surroundings he had refused to play cricket. And now he positively ached for a game. Any sort of a game. An innings for a Kindergarten v. the Second Eleven of a Home of Rest for Centenarians would have soothed him. There were times, when the sun shone, and he caught sight of white flannels on a green ground, and heard the “plonk” of bat striking ball, when he felt like rushing to Adair and shouting, “I will be good. I was in the Wrykyn team three years, and had an average of over fifty the last two seasons. Lead me to the nearest net, and let me feel a bat in my hands again.”
There were several moments during the first two weeks of term when Mike regretted the attitude he had adopted toward Sedleighan cricket. He started to understand the age-old saying about half a loaf being better than none. In his initial anger about his new environment, he had refused to play cricket. Now, he was really craving a game—any game. Even a match between a Kindergarten team and the Second Eleven of a Rest Home for Centenarians would have been a relief. There were times when the sun was shining, he saw white cricket clothes on a green field, and heard the sound of a bat hitting a ball, when he felt like rushing to Adair and shouting, “I really want to play. I was on the Wrykyn team for three years, and I had an average of over fifty for the last two seasons. Show me to the nearest practice area and let me feel a bat in my hands again.”
But every time he shrank from such a climb down. It couldn’t be done.
But every time he backed away from such a step down. It just wasn't possible.
What made it worse was that he saw, after watching behind the nets once or twice, that Sedleigh cricket was not the childish burlesque of the game which he had been rash enough to assume that it must be. Numbers do not make good cricket. They only make the presence of good cricketers more likely, by the law of averages.
What made it worse was that he realized, after watching behind the nets a few times, that Sedleigh cricket wasn't the silly version of the game he had foolishly assumed it would be. Having a lot of players doesn't guarantee good cricket. It just makes it more likely to have good cricketers around, according to the law of averages.
Mike soon saw that cricket was by no means an unknown art at Sedleigh. Adair, to begin with, was a very good bowler indeed. He was not a Burgess, but Burgess was the only Wrykyn bowler whom, in his three years’ experience of the school, Mike would have placed above him. He was a long way better than Neville-Smith, and Wyatt, and Milton, and the others who had taken wickets for Wrykyn.
Mike quickly realized that cricket was definitely not a stranger at Sedleigh. To start with, Adair was actually a really good bowler. He wasn’t a Burgess, but Burgess was the only Wrykyn bowler that Mike, in his three years at the school, would have ranked higher than him. He was much better than Neville-Smith, Wyatt, Milton, and the other guys who had taken wickets for Wrykyn.
The batting was not so good, but there were some quite capable men. Barnes, the head of Outwood’s, he who preferred not to interfere with Stone and Robinson, was a mild, rather timid-looking youth—not unlike what Mr. Outwood must have been as a boy—but he knew how to keep balls out of his wicket. He was a good bat of the old plodding type.
The batting wasn't great, but there were some pretty skilled guys. Barnes, the leader of Outwood's, who preferred to stay out of Stone and Robinson's way, was a gentle, somewhat shy-looking guy—not too different from what Mr. Outwood might have looked like as a kid—but he knew how to protect his wicket. He was a solid player in the old-fashioned, steady way.
Stone and Robinson themselves, that swash-buckling pair, who now treated Mike and Psmith with cold but consistent politeness, were both fair batsmen, and Stone was a good slow bowler.
Stone and Robinson, that daring duo, now treated Mike and Psmith with a chilly but steady politeness. Both were decent batsmen, and Stone was a solid slow bowler.
There were other exponents of the game, mostly in Downing’s house.
There were other players of the game, mostly in Downing’s house.
Altogether, quite worthy colleagues even for a man who had been a star at Wrykyn.
Altogether, pretty impressive colleagues even for a guy who had been a star at Wrykyn.
One solitary overture Mike made during that first fortnight. He did not repeat the experiment. It was on a Thursday afternoon, after school. The day was warm, but freshened by an almost imperceptible breeze. The air was full of the scent of the cut grass which lay in little heaps behind the nets. This is the real cricket scent, which calls to one like the very voice of the game.
One lonely attempt Mike made during that first two weeks. He didn’t try it again. It was a Thursday afternoon, after school. The day was warm, but it was refreshed by a nearly undetectable breeze. The air was filled with the smell of freshly cut grass, which was piled in little heaps behind the nets. This is the true scent of cricket, which beckons to you like the very voice of the game.
Mike, as he sat there watching, could stand it no longer.
Mike, sitting there watching, couldn't take it anymore.
He went up to Adair.
He went to Adair.
“May I have an innings at this net?” he asked. He was embarrassed and nervous, and was trying not to show it. The natural result was that his manner was offensively abrupt.
“Can I have a turn in this net?” he asked. He felt embarrassed and nervous, and was trying to hide it. The result was that he came across as really blunt.
Adair was taking off his pads after his innings. He looked up. “This net,” it may be observed, was the first eleven net.
Adair was removing his pads after his innings. He looked up. “This net,” it should be noted, was the first eleven net.
“What?” he said.
“What?” he asked.
Mike repeated his request. More abruptly this time, from increased embarrassment.
Mike repeated his request, more abruptly this time due to his heightened embarrassment.
“This is the first eleven net,” said Adair coldly. “Go in after Lodge over there.”
“This is the first eleven net,” Adair said coldly. “Go in after Lodge over there.”
“Over there” was the end net, where frenzied novices were bowling on a corrugated pitch to a red-haired youth with enormous feet, who looked as if he were taking his first lesson at the game.
“Over there” was the end net, where excited beginners were bowling on a bumpy pitch to a tall, red-haired guy with huge feet, who looked like he was having his first lesson in the game.
Mike walked away without a word.
Mike walked away without saying anything.
The Archaeological Society expeditions, even though they carried with them the privilege of listening to Psmith’s views on life, proved but a poor substitute for cricket. Psmith, who had no counter-attraction shouting to him that he ought to be elsewhere, seemed to enjoy them hugely, but Mike almost cried sometimes from boredom. It was not always possible to slip away from the throng, for Mr. Outwood evidently looked upon them as among the very faithful, and kept them by his aide.
The Archaeological Society expeditions, even though they offered the chance to hear Psmith’s thoughts on life, turned out to be a pretty poor substitute for cricket. Psmith, who didn’t have anything else calling him away, seemed to enjoy them a lot, but Mike sometimes felt like crying from boredom. It wasn’t always easy to escape from the crowd, since Mr. Outwood clearly saw them as among the loyal supporters and kept them close by.
Mike on these occasions was silent and jumpy, his brow “sicklied o’er with the pale cast of care.” But Psmith followed his leader with the pleased and indulgent air of a father whose infant son is showing him round the garden. Psmith’s attitude towards archaeological research struck a new note in the history of that neglected science. He was amiable, but patronising. He patronised fossils, and he patronised ruins. If he had been confronted with the Great Pyramid, he would have patronised that.
Mike was quiet and anxious on these occasions, his brow "sicklied o’er with the pale cast of care." But Psmith followed his lead with the pleased and indulgent attitude of a dad showing his little boy around the garden. Psmith’s approach to archaeological research introduced a fresh perspective in the history of that overlooked field. He was friendly, but condescending. He looked down on fossils, and he looked down on ruins. If he had come face-to-face with the Great Pyramid, he would have looked down on that too.
He seemed to be consumed by a thirst for knowledge.
He appeared to be driven by a desire for knowledge.
That this was not altogether a genuine thirst was proved on the third expedition. Mr. Outwood and his band were pecking away at the site of an old Roman camp. Psmith approached Mike.
That this wasn't entirely a real thirst was shown on the third expedition. Mr. Outwood and his group were digging at the site of an old Roman camp. Psmith walked over to Mike.
“Having inspired confidence,” he said, “by the docility of our demeanour, let us slip away, and brood apart for awhile. Roman camps, to be absolutely accurate, give me the pip. And I never want to see another putrid fossil in my life. Let us find some shady nook where a man may lie on his back for a bit.”
“Having earned their trust,” he said, “by how calm we’ve been, let’s sneak away and take some time apart. To be completely honest, Roman camps really get on my nerves. And I never want to see another disgusting relic again. Let’s find a nice shady spot where we can lie back for a while.”
Mike, over whom the proceedings connected with the Roman camp had long since begun to shed a blue depression, offered no opposition, and they strolled away down the hill.
Mike, who had been feeling down about the events related to the Roman camp for a while, didn’t resist, and they walked down the hill.
Looking back, they saw that the archaeologists were still hard at it. Their departure had passed unnoticed.
Looking back, they saw that the archaeologists were still working hard. Their departure had gone unnoticed.
“A fatiguing pursuit, this grubbing for mementoes of the past,” said Psmith. “And, above all, dashed bad for the knees of the trousers. Mine are like some furrowed field. It’s a great grief to a man of refinement, I can tell you, Comrade Jackson. Ah, this looks a likely spot.”
“A tiring quest, this digging around for reminders of the past,” said Psmith. “And, above all, really bad for the knees of my trousers. Mine look like some plowed field. It’s a huge bother for a man of taste, I can tell you, Comrade Jackson. Ah, this seems like a good spot.”
They had passed through a gate into the field beyond. At the further end there was a brook, shaded by trees and running with a pleasant sound over pebbles.
They had walked through a gate into the field beyond. At the far end, there was a brook, shaded by trees and flowing with a nice sound over pebbles.
“Thus far,” said Psmith, hitching up the knees of his trousers, and sitting down, “and no farther. We will rest here awhile, and listen to the music of the brook. In fact, unless you have anything important to say, I rather think I’ll go to sleep. In this busy life of ours these naps by the wayside are invaluable. Call me in about an hour.” And Psmith, heaving the comfortable sigh of the worker who by toil has earned rest, lay down, with his head against a mossy tree-stump, and closed his eyes.
“Up to this point,” said Psmith, hitching up his pants and sitting down, “and no further. We’ll take a break here for a bit and listen to the sound of the stream. Actually, unless you have something important to say, I think I’ll take a nap. In our busy lives, these little rests by the roadside are priceless. Wake me up in about an hour.” And Psmith, letting out a satisfied sigh of someone who has worked hard and deserves a break, lay down with his head against a mossy tree stump and shut his eyes.
Mike sat on for a few minutes, listening to the water and making centuries in his mind, and then, finding this a little dull, he got up, jumped the brook, and began to explore the wood on the other side.
Mike sat there for a few minutes, listening to the water and thinking about things, and then, feeling a bit bored, he got up, jumped over the brook, and started to explore the woods on the other side.
He had not gone many yards when a dog emerged suddenly from the undergrowth, and began to bark vigorously at him.
He hadn't walked much further when a dog suddenly jumped out from the bushes and started barking at him loudly.
Mike liked dogs, and, on acquaintance, they always liked him. But when you meet a dog in some one else’s wood, it is as well not to stop in order that you may get to understand each other. Mike began to thread his way back through the trees.
Mike liked dogs, and once they got to know him, they always liked him back. But when you encounter a dog in someone else's woods, it's better not to pause and try to get to know each other. Mike started to make his way back through the trees.
He was too late.
He missed it.
“Stop! What the dickens are you doing here?” shouted a voice behind him.
“Stop! What the heck are you doing here?” shouted a voice behind him.
In the same situation a few years before, Mike would have carried on, and trusted to speed to save him. But now there seemed a lack of dignity in the action. He came back to where the man was standing.
In the same situation a few years before, Mike would have kept going and relied on speed to save him. But now it felt undignified to act that way. He returned to where the man was standing.
“I’m sorry if I’m trespassing,” he said. “I was just having a look round.”
“I’m sorry if I’m invading your space,” he said. “I was just taking a look around.”
“The dickens you—Why, you’re Jackson!”
"The heck you—Why, you’re Jackson!"
Mike looked at him. He was a short, broad young man with a fair moustache. Mike knew that he had seen him before somewhere, but he could not place him.
Mike looked at him. He was a short, stocky young man with a light mustache. Mike knew he had seen him before somewhere, but he couldn't remember where.
“I played against you, for the Free Foresters last summer. In passing, you seem to be a bit of a free forester yourself, dancing in among my nesting pheasants.”
“I played against you for the Free Foresters last summer. By the way, you seem to be a bit of a free forester yourself, dancing around my nesting pheasants.”
“I’m frightfully sorry.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“That’s all right. Where do you spring from?”
“That’s okay. Where do you come from?”
“Of course—I remember you now. You’re Prendergast. You made fifty-eight not out.”
“Of course—I remember you now. You’re Prendergast. You scored fifty-eight not out.”
“Thanks. I was afraid the only thing you would remember about me was that you took a century mostly off my bowling.”
“Thanks. I was worried the only thing you’d remember about me was that you mostly took a century off my bowling.”
“You ought to have had me second ball, only cover dropped it.”
“You should’ve had me right after the first ball, but the cover dropped it.”
“Don’t rake up forgotten tragedies. How is it you’re not at Wrykyn? What are you doing down here?”
“Don’t bring up old tragedies. Why aren’t you at Wrykyn? What are you doing here?”
“I’ve left Wrykyn.”
"I've left Wrykyn."
Prendergast suddenly changed the conversation. When a fellow tells you that he has left school unexpectedly, it is not always tactful to inquire the reason. He began to talk about himself.
Prendergast abruptly shifted the conversation. When someone tells you they've left school unexpectedly, it's not always polite to ask why. He started talking about himself.
“I hang out down here. I do a little farming and a good deal of pottering about.”
“I chill down here. I do some farming and a lot of messing around.”
“Get any cricket?” asked Mike, turning to the subject next his heart.
“Catch any crickets?” Mike asked, turning to the topic closest to his heart.
“Only village. Very keen, but no great shakes. By the way, how are you off for cricket now? Have you ever got a spare afternoon?”
“Just a village. Very eager, but nothing special. By the way, how are you set for cricket these days? Do you ever have a free afternoon?”
Mike’s heart leaped.
Mike's heart raced.
“Any Wednesday or Saturday. Look here, I’ll tell you how it is.”
“Any Wednesday or Saturday. Listen, I'll explain how it is.”
And he told how matters stood with him.
And he explained how things were going for him.
“So, you see,” he concluded, “I’m supposed to be hunting for ruins and things”—Mike’s ideas on the subject of archaeology were vague—“but I could always slip away. We all start out together, but I could nip back, get on to my bike—I’ve got it down here—and meet you anywhere you liked. By Jove, I’m simply dying for a game. I can hardly keep my hands off a bat.”
“So, you see,” he concluded, “I’m supposed to be looking for ruins and stuff”—Mike’s thoughts on archaeology were unclear—“but I could always sneak away. We all start out together, but I could head back, grab my bike—I’ve got it down here—and meet you wherever you want. Honestly, I’m just itching for a game. I can hardly resist picking up a bat.”
“I’ll give you all you want. What you’d better do is to ride straight to Lower Borlock—that’s the name of the place—and I’ll meet you on the ground. Any one will tell you where Lower Borlock is. It’s just off the London road. There’s a sign-post where you turn off. Can you come next Saturday?”
“I’ll give you everything you want. What you should do is ride straight to Lower Borlock—that’s the name of the place—and I’ll meet you there. Anyone can tell you where Lower Borlock is. It’s just off the London road. There's a signpost where you turn off. Can you come next Saturday?”
“Rather. I suppose you can fix me up with a bat and pads? I don’t want to bring mine.”
“Sure. I guess you can hook me up with a bat and pads? I don’t want to bring my own.”
“I’ll lend you everything. I say, you know, we can’t give you a Wrykyn wicket. The Lower Borlock pitch isn’t a shirt-front.”
“I’ll lend you everything. I’m telling you, we can’t give you a Wrykyn wicket. The Lower Borlock pitch isn’t a smooth surface.”
“I’ll play on a rockery, if you want me to,” said Mike.
“I'll play on a rock garden, if you want me to,” said Mike.
“You’re going to what?” asked Psmith, sleepily, on being awakened and told the news.
“You're going to what?” Psmith asked, sleepily, when he was awakened and told the news.
“I’m going to play cricket, for a village near here. I say, don’t tell a soul, will you? I don’t want it to get about, or I may get lugged in to play for the school.”
“I’m going to play cricket for a nearby village. I’m serious, don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want it to spread, or I might get roped into playing for the school.”
“My lips are sealed. I think I’ll come and watch you. Cricket I dislike, but watching cricket is one of the finest of Britain’s manly sports. I’ll borrow Jellicoe’s bicycle.”
“My lips are sealed. I think I’ll come and watch you. I’m not a fan of cricket, but watching it is one of the best of Britain’s manly sports. I’ll borrow Jellicoe’s bike.”
That Saturday, Lower Borlock smote the men of Chidford hip and thigh. Their victory was due to a hurricane innings of seventy-five by a new-comer to the team, M. Jackson.
That Saturday, Lower Borlock crushed the men of Chidford completely. Their win was thanks to an explosive innings of seventy-five by a newcomer to the team, M. Jackson.
CHAPTER XXXVIII
THE FIRE BRIGADE MEETING
Cricket is the great safety-valve. If you like the game, and are in a position to play it at least twice a week, life can never be entirely grey. As time went on, and his average for Lower Borlock reached the fifties and stayed there, Mike began, though he would not have admitted it, to enjoy himself. It was not Wrykyn, but it was a very decent substitute.
Cricket is the ultimate escape. If you enjoy the game and can play it at least twice a week, life can never feel completely dull. As time passed and his average for Lower Borlock hit the fifties and stayed there, Mike started, even if he wouldn't admit it, to have a good time. It wasn't Wrykyn, but it was a great alternative.
The only really considerable element making for discomfort now was Mr. Downing. By bad luck it was in his form that Mike had been placed on arrival; and Mr. Downing, never an easy form-master to get on with, proved more than usually difficult in his dealings with Mike.
The only real source of discomfort now was Mr. Downing. Unfortunately, Mike had been assigned to his class upon arrival, and Mr. Downing, who was never an easy teacher to deal with, turned out to be especially difficult with Mike.
They had taken a dislike to each other at their first meeting; and it grew with further acquaintance. To Mike, Mr. Downing was all that a master ought not to be, fussy, pompous, and openly influenced in his official dealings with his form by his own private likes and dislikes. To Mr. Downing, Mike was simply an unamiable loafer, who did nothing for the school and apparently had none of the instincts which should be implanted in the healthy boy. Mr. Downing was rather strong on the healthy boy.
They disliked each other from their first meeting, and that feeling only intensified as they got to know each other better. To Mike, Mr. Downing was everything a teacher should not be—fussy, pompous, and clearly biased in his dealings with the class based on his own personal preferences. To Mr. Downing, Mike was just a lazy slacker who contributed nothing to the school and seemed to lack the qualities that should be encouraged in a healthy boy. Mr. Downing was pretty big on promoting the healthy boy.
The two lived in a state of simmering hostility, punctuated at intervals by crises, which usually resulted in Lower Borlock having to play some unskilled labourer in place of their star batsman, employed doing “over-time.”
The two lived in a tense atmosphere, occasionally interrupted by crises, which typically led to Lower Borlock having to take on some unskilled labor instead of their star batsman, working “overtime.”
One of the most acute of these crises, and the most important, in that it was the direct cause of Mike’s appearance in Sedleigh cricket, had to do with the third weekly meeting of the School Fire Brigade.
One of the most pressing crises, and the most significant since it directly led to Mike's arrival at Sedleigh cricket, was related to the third weekly meeting of the School Fire Brigade.
It may be remembered that this well-supported institution was under Mr. Downing’s special care. It was, indeed, his pet hobby and the apple of his eye.
It might be recalled that this well-supported institution was under Mr. Downing’s special attention. It was, in fact, his favorite hobby and the center of his world.
Just as you had to join the Archaeological Society to secure the esteem of Mr. Outwood, so to become a member of the Fire Brigade was a safe passport to the regard of Mr. Downing. To show a keenness for cricket was good, but to join the Fire Brigade was best of all. The Brigade was carefully organised. At its head was Mr. Downing, a sort of high priest; under him was a captain, and under the captain a vice-captain. These two officials were those sportive allies, Stone and Robinson, of Outwood’s house, who, having perceived at a very early date the gorgeous opportunities for ragging which the Brigade offered to its members, had joined young and worked their way up.
Just like you had to join the Archaeological Society to earn Mr. Outwood's respect, becoming a member of the Fire Brigade was a guaranteed way to gain Mr. Downing's approval. Being enthusiastic about cricket was good but joining the Fire Brigade was the best. The Brigade was well organized. At the top was Mr. Downing, who acted like a high priest; beneath him was a captain, and under the captain was a vice-captain. These two roles were filled by the fun-loving Stone and Robinson from Outwood's house, who recognized early on the fantastic opportunities for pranking that the Brigade provided and joined young, working their way up.
Under them were the rank and file, about thirty in all, of whom perhaps seven were earnest workers, who looked on the Brigade in the right, or Downing, spirit. The rest were entirely frivolous.
Under them were the regular members, about thirty in total, of whom maybe seven were genuinely committed workers who saw the Brigade in the right or Downing spirit. The rest were completely unserious.
The weekly meetings were always full of life and excitement.
The weekly meetings were always lively and exciting.
At this point it is as well to introduce Sammy to the reader.
At this point, it's a good idea to introduce Sammy to the reader.
Sammy, short for Sampson, was a young bull-terrier belonging to Mr. Downing. If it is possible for a man to have two apples of his eye, Sammy was the other. He was a large, light-hearted dog with a white coat, an engaging expression, the tongue of an ant-eater, and a manner which was a happy blend of hurricane and circular saw. He had long legs, a tenor voice, and was apparently made of india-rubber.
Sammy, short for Sampson, was a young bull-terrier owned by Mr. Downing. If a man can have two favorites, Sammy was definitely one of them. He was a big, cheerful dog with a white coat, an adorable face, a tongue like an ant-eater, and a personality that was a perfect mix of energy and determination. He had long legs, a high-pitched bark, and seemed to be made of rubber.
Sammy was a great favourite in the school, and a particular friend of Mike’s, the Wrykynian being always a firm ally of every dog he met after two minutes’ acquaintance.
Sammy was a big favorite at school and a close friend of Mike's, with the Wrykynian always becoming a loyal buddy to any dog he met after just two minutes of knowing them.
In passing, Jellicoe owned a clock-work rat, much in request during French lessons.
In passing, Jellicoe had a clockwork rat that was quite popular during French lessons.
We will now proceed to the painful details.
We will now move on to the uncomfortable details.
The meetings of the Fire Brigade were held after school in Mr. Downing’s form-room. The proceedings always began in the same way, by the reading of the minutes of the last meeting. After that the entertainment varied according to whether the members happened to be fertile or not in ideas for the disturbing of the peace.
The Fire Brigade meetings took place after school in Mr. Downing’s classroom. They always kicked off in the same way, by reading the minutes from the last meeting. After that, the activities changed depending on whether the members had any creative ideas for causing a little chaos or not.
To-day they were in very fair form.
Today they were in very good shape.
As soon as Mr. Downing had closed the minute-book, Wilson, of the School House, held up his hand.
As soon as Mr. Downing closed the minute book, Wilson from the School House raised his hand.
“Well, Wilson?”
"What's up, Wilson?"
“Please, sir, couldn’t we have a uniform for the Brigade?”
“Please, sir, can't we get a uniform for the Brigade?”
“A uniform?” Mr. Downing pondered
"A uniform?" Mr. Downing wondered.
“Red, with green stripes, sir,”
"Red with green stripes, sir."
Red, with a thin green stripe, was the Sedleigh colour.
Red, with a thin green stripe, was the Sedleigh color.
“Shall I put it to the vote, sir?” asked Stone.
“Should I put it to a vote, sir?” asked Stone.
“One moment, Stone.”
"One sec, Stone."
“Those in favour of the motion move to the left, those against it to the right.”
“Those in favor of the motion move to the left, those against it to the right.”
A scuffling of feet, a slamming of desk-lids and an upset blackboard, and the meeting had divided.
A shuffle of feet, a slamming of desk lids, and a knocked-over blackboard, and the meeting had split.
Mr. Downing rapped irritably on his desk.
Mr. Downing tapped impatiently on his desk.
“Sit down!” he said, “sit down! I won’t have this noise and disturbance. Stone, sit down—Wilson, get back to your place.”
“Sit down!” he said, “sit down! I can’t take this noise and chaos. Stone, sit down—Wilson, go back to your spot.”
“Please, sir, the motion is carried by twenty-five votes to six.”
“Please, sir, the motion passed by twenty-five votes to six.”
“Please, sir, may I go and get measured this evening?”
“Excuse me, sir, can I go get measured this evening?”
“Please, sir——”
"Excuse me, sir—"
“Si-lence! The idea of a uniform is, of course, out of the question.”
“Shh! The thought of a uniform is, of course, not happening.”
“Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir-r-r!”
“Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir!”
“Be quiet! Entirely out of the question. We cannot plunge into needless expense. Stone, listen to me. I cannot have this noise and disturbance! Another time when a point arises it must be settled by a show of hands. Well, Wilson?”
“Be quiet! Absolutely not. We can't dive into unnecessary spending. Stone, hear me out. I can’t deal with this noise and chaos! Next time a point comes up, we need to settle it by a show of hands. Well, Wilson?”
“Please, sir, may we have helmets?”
“Can we please have helmets, sir?”
“Very useful as a protection against falling timbers, sir,” said Robinson.
“Very useful as protection against falling wood, sir,” said Robinson.
“I don’t think my people would be pleased, sir, if they knew I was going out to fires without a helmet,” said Stone.
“I don’t think my people would be happy, sir, if they knew I was going out to fires without a helmet,” said Stone.
The whole strength of the company: “Please, sir, may we have helmets?”
The whole strength of the company: “Please, sir, can we have helmets?”
“Those in favour—” began Stone.
“Those in favor—” began Stone.
Mr. Downing banged on his desk. “Silence! Silence!! Silence!!! Helmets are, of course, perfectly preposterous.”
Mr. Downing slammed his fist on the desk. “Quiet! Quiet!! Quiet!!! Helmets are, of course, completely ridiculous.”
“Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir-r-r!”
“Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir!”
“But, sir, the danger!”
“But, sir, it’s dangerous!”
“Please, sir, the falling timbers!”
“Please, sir, the falling debris!”
The Fire Brigade had been in action once and once only in the memory of man, and that time it was a haystack which had burnt itself out just as the rescuers had succeeded in fastening the hose to the hydrant.
The Fire Brigade had only been called out once in living memory, and that time it was for a haystack that had already burned itself out just as the rescuers managed to attach the hose to the hydrant.
“Silence!”
"Be quiet!"
“Then, please, sir, couldn’t we have an honour cap? It wouldn’t be expensive, and it would be just as good as a helmet for all the timbers that are likely to fall on our heads.”
“Then, please, sir, couldn’t we get an honor cap? It wouldn’t be costly, and it would do just as well as a helmet for all the beams that might drop on our heads.”
Mr. Downing smiled a wry smile.
Mr. Downing smirked slightly.
“Our Wilson is facetious,” he remarked frostily.
“Our Wilson is joking around,” he said coldly.
“Sir, no, sir! I wasn’t facetious! Or couldn’t we have footer-tops, like the first fifteen have? They——”
“Sir, no, sir! I wasn’t joking! Or can’t we have footer-tops, like the first fifteen do? They——”
“Wilson, leave the room!”
"Wilson, get out of here!"
“Sir, please, sir!”
“Sir, please, sir!”
“This moment, Wilson. And,” as he reached the door, “do me one hundred lines.”
“This moment, Wilson. And,” as he reached the door, “write me a hundred lines.”
A pained “OO-oo-oo, sir-r-r,” was cut off by the closing door.
A pained "Ooo-oo-oo, sir," was interrupted by the closing door.
Mr. Downing proceeded to improve the occasion. “I deplore this growing spirit of flippancy,” he said. “I tell you I deplore it! It is not right! If this Fire Brigade is to be of solid use, there must be less of this flippancy. We must have keenness. I want you boys above all to be keen. I—What is that noise?”
Mr. Downing went on to make his point. “I really dislike this increasing attitude of joking around,” he said. “I really do dislike it! It’s not okay! If this Fire Brigade is going to be genuinely useful, we need to cut down on the joking. We have to be eager. I want you guys to be eager above all else. I—What is that noise?”
From the other side of the door proceeded a sound like water gurgling from a bottle, mingled with cries half-suppressed, as if somebody were being prevented from uttering them by a hand laid over his mouth. The sufferer appeared to have a high voice.
From the other side of the door came a sound like water gurgling from a bottle, mixed with muffled cries, as if someone was being stopped from making them by a hand over their mouth. The person seemed to have a high voice.
There was a tap at the door and Mike walked in. He was not alone. Those near enough to see, saw that he was accompanied by Jellicoe’s clock-work rat, which moved rapidly over the floor in the direction of the opposite wall.
There was a knock at the door, and Mike walked in. He wasn't alone. Those close enough to see noticed that he was with Jellicoe’s clockwork rat, which darted quickly across the floor toward the opposite wall.
“May I fetch a book from my desk, sir?” asked Mike.
“Can I grab a book from my desk, sir?” asked Mike.
“Very well—be quick, Jackson; we are busy.”
“Okay—hurry up, Jackson; we’re busy.”
Being interrupted in one of his addresses to the Brigade irritated Mr. Downing.
Being interrupted during one of his talks to the Brigade irritated Mr. Downing.
The muffled cries grew more distinct.
The muffled cries got clearer.
“What—is—that—noise?” shrilled Mr. Downing.
"What’s that noise?" shrilled Mr. Downing.
“Noise, sir?” asked Mike, puzzled.
"Noise, sir?" Mike asked, confused.
“I think it’s something outside the window, sir,” said Stone helpfully.
“I think it’s something outside the window, sir,” Stone said, trying to be helpful.
“A bird, I think, sir,” said Robinson.
“A bird, I believe, sir,” said Robinson.
“Don’t be absurd!” snapped Mr. Downing. “It’s outside the door. Wilson!”
“Stop being ridiculous!” snapped Mr. Downing. “It’s outside the door. Wilson!”
“Yes, sir?” said a voice “off.”
“Yes, sir?” said a voice from offstage.
“Are you making that whining noise?”
“Are you making that complaining noise?”
“Whining noise, sir? No, sir, I’m not making a whining noise.”
“Whining noise, sir? No, sir, I’m not making any whining noise.”
“What sort of noise, sir?” inquired Mike, as many Wrykynians had asked before him. It was a question invented by Wrykyn for use in just such a case as this.
“What kind of noise, sir?” Mike asked, just like many other students from Wrykyn had done before him. It was a question created by Wrykyn for moments like this.
“I do not propose,” said Mr. Downing acidly, “to imitate the noise; you can all hear it perfectly plainly. It is a curious whining noise.”
“I don’t intend,” Mr. Downing said sharply, “to mimic the sound; you can all hear it quite clearly. It’s a strange whining noise.”
“They are mowing the cricket field, sir,” said the invisible Wilson. “Perhaps that’s it.”
“They're mowing the cricket field, sir,” said the unseen Wilson. “Maybe that's it.”
“It may be one of the desks squeaking, sir,” put in Stone. “They do sometimes.”
“It might be one of the desks squeaking, sir,” Stone said. “They do that sometimes.”
“Or somebody’s boots, sir,” added Robinson.
“Or someone’s boots, sir,” added Robinson.
“Silence! Wilson?”
“Quiet! Wilson?”
“Yes, sir?” bellowed the unseen one.
“Yes, sir?” shouted the person we can't see.
“Don’t shout at me from the corridor like that. Come in.”
“Don’t yell at me from the hallway like that. Come in.”
“Yes, sir!”
“Sure thing, sir!”
As he spoke the muffled whining changed suddenly to a series of tenor shrieks, and the india-rubber form of Sammy bounded into the room like an excited kangaroo.
As he spoke, the muffled whining suddenly shifted to a series of high-pitched shrieks, and the rubbery form of Sammy jumped into the room like an excited kangaroo.
Willing hands had by this time deflected the clockwork rat from the wall to which it had been steering, and pointed it up the alley-way between the two rows of desks. Mr. Downing, rising from his place, was just in time to see Sammy with a last leap spring on his prey and begin worrying it.
Willing hands had by this time redirected the clockwork rat from the wall it had been heading toward, and pointed it up the alley between the two rows of desks. Mr. Downing, getting up from his seat, was just in time to see Sammy make a final leap onto his target and start pouncing on it.
Chaos reigned.
Chaos ruled.
“A rat!” shouted Robinson.
“A rat!” yelled Robinson.
The twenty-three members of the Brigade who were not earnest instantly dealt with the situation, each in the manner that seemed proper to him. Some leaped on to forms, others flung books, all shouted. It was a stirring, bustling scene.
The twenty-three members of the Brigade who weren't serious quickly handled the situation, each in a way that felt right to them. Some jumped onto benches, others threw books, and everyone shouted. It was an energetic, chaotic scene.
Sammy had by this time disposed of the clock-work rat, and was now standing, like Marius, among the ruins barking triumphantly.
Sammy had at this point gotten rid of the clockwork rat and was now standing, like Marius, among the ruins, barking triumphantly.
The banging on Mr. Downing’s desk resembled thunder. It rose above all the other noises till in time they gave up the competition and died away.
The pounding on Mr. Downing’s desk sounded like thunder. It drowned out all the other noises until, eventually, they surrendered and faded away.
Mr. Downing shot out orders, threats, and penalties with the rapidity of a Maxim gun.
Mr. Downing fired off orders, threats, and penalties with the speed of a machine gun.
“Stone, sit down! Donovan, if you do not sit down, you will be severely punished. Henderson, one hundred lines for gross disorder! Windham, the same! Go to your seat, Vincent. What are you doing, Broughton-Knight? I will not have this disgraceful noise and disorder! The meeting is at an end; go quietly from the room, all of you. Jackson and Wilson, remain. Quietly, I said, Durand! Don’t shuffle your feet in that abominable way.”
“Stone, sit down! Donovan, if you don’t sit down, you’re going to be seriously punished. Henderson, you’ll write a hundred lines for being disruptive! Windham, you too! Go back to your seat, Vincent. What are you doing, Broughton-Knight? I won’t tolerate this ridiculous noise and chaos! The meeting is over; everyone leave the room quietly. Jackson and Wilson, stay behind. Quietly, I said, Durand! Stop dragging your feet like that.”
Crash!
Crash!
“Wolferstan, I distinctly saw you upset that black-board with a movement of your hand—one hundred lines. Go quietly from the room, everybody.”
“Wolferstan, I clearly saw you mess up that blackboard with a wave of your hand—one hundred lines. Everyone, please leave the room quietly.”
The meeting dispersed.
The meeting ended.
“Jackson and Wilson, come here. What’s the meaning of this disgraceful conduct? Put that dog out of the room, Jackson.”
“Jackson and Wilson, come here. What’s going on with this awful behavior? Get that dog out of the room, Jackson.”
Mike removed the yelling Sammy and shut the door on him.
Mike pushed Sammy out and closed the door behind him.
“Well, Wilson?”
“Well, Wilson?”
“Please, sir, I was playing with a clock-work rat——”
“Please, sir, I was playing with a mechanical rat——”
“What business have you to be playing with clock-work rats?”
“What are you doing playing with clockwork rats?”
“Then I remembered,” said Mike, “that I had left my Horace in my desk, so I came in——”
“Then I remembered,” said Mike, “that I had left my Horace in my desk, so I came in——”
“And by a fluke, sir,” said Wilson, as one who tells of strange things, “the rat happened to be pointing in the same direction, so he came in, too.”
“And by a coincidence, sir,” said Wilson, like someone sharing odd news, “the rat happened to be facing the same way, so he came in, too.”
“I met Sammy on the gravel outside and he followed me.”
“I met Sammy on the gravel outside, and he followed me.”
“I tried to collar him, but when you told me to come in, sir, I had to let him go, and he came in after the rat.”
“I tried to grab him, but when you told me to come in, sir, I had to let him go, and he came in after the rat.”
It was plain to Mr. Downing that the burden of sin was shared equally by both culprits. Wilson had supplied the rat, Mike the dog; but Mr. Downing liked Wilson and disliked Mike. Wilson was in the Fire Brigade, frivolous at times, it was true, but nevertheless a member. Also he kept wicket for the school. Mike was a member of the Archaeological Society, and had refused to play cricket.
It was clear to Mr. Downing that both offenders shared the weight of their wrongdoing equally. Wilson had provided the rat, while Mike had provided the dog; however, Mr. Downing preferred Wilson and had no fondness for Mike. Wilson was part of the Fire Brigade—sometimes silly, it was true, but still a member. He also played wicket for the school. Mike, on the other hand, belonged to the Archaeological Society and had declined to play cricket.
Mr. Downing allowed these facts to influence him in passing sentence.
Mr. Downing let these facts affect his decision when handing down the sentence.
“One hundred lines, Wilson,” he said. “You may go.”
“One hundred lines, Wilson,” he said. “You can go now.”
Wilson departed with the air of a man who has had a great deal of fun, and paid very little for it.
Wilson left as if he had enjoyed himself immensely and hardly spent anything for it.
Mr. Downing turned to Mike. “You will stay in on Saturday afternoon, Jackson; it will interfere with your Archaeological studies, I fear, but it may teach you that we have no room at Sedleigh for boys who spend their time loafing about and making themselves a nuisance. We are a keen school; this is no place for boys who do nothing but waste their time. That will do, Jackson.”
Mr. Downing turned to Mike. “You’re going to stay in this Saturday afternoon, Jackson; it will likely disrupt your Archaeological studies, but it might teach you that we don’t have room at Sedleigh for boys who just hang around and cause trouble. We’re a serious school; this isn’t a place for boys who only waste their time. That will be all, Jackson.”
And Mr. Downing walked out of the room. In affairs of this kind a master has a habit of getting the last word.
And Mr. Downing walked out of the room. In situations like this, a boss usually has a habit of getting the last word.
CHAPTER XXXIX
ACHILLES LEAVES HIS TENT
They say misfortunes never come singly. As Mike sat brooding over his wrongs in his study, after the Sammy incident, Jellicoe came into the room, and, without preamble, asked for the loan of a sovereign.
They say bad luck never comes alone. As Mike sat lost in thought about his troubles in his study, following the Sammy incident, Jellicoe walked into the room and, without any small talk, asked to borrow a pound.
When one has been in the habit of confining one’s lendings and borrowings to sixpences and shillings, a request for a sovereign comes as something of a blow.
When someone is used to sticking to lending and borrowing just sixpences and shillings, asking for a pound feels like a bit of a shock.
“What on earth for?” asked Mike.
“What on earth for?” Mike asked.
“I say, do you mind if I don’t tell you? I don’t want to tell anybody. The fact is, I’m in a beastly hole.”
“I mean, do you mind if I don’t tell you? I really don’t want to tell anyone. The truth is, I’m in a terrible situation.”
“Oh, sorry,” said Mike. “As a matter of fact, I do happen to have a quid. You can freeze on to it, if you like. But it’s about all I have got, so don’t be shy about paying it back.”
“Oh, sorry,” said Mike. “Actually, I do have a pound. You can hold on to it if you want. But it’s pretty much all I have, so don’t hesitate to pay it back.”
Jellicoe was profuse in his thanks, and disappeared in a cloud of gratitude.
Jellicoe was very thankful and disappeared in a blur of appreciation.
Mike felt that Fate was treating him badly. Being kept in on Saturday meant that he would be unable to turn out for Little Borlock against Claythorpe, the return match. In the previous game he had scored ninety-eight, and there was a lob bowler in the Claythorpe ranks whom he was particularly anxious to meet again. Having to yield a sovereign to Jellicoe—why on earth did the man want all that?—meant that, unless a carefully worded letter to his brother Bob at Oxford had the desired effect, he would be practically penniless for weeks.
Mike felt like Fate was really being unfair to him. Staying in on Saturday meant he wouldn’t be able to play for Little Borlock against Claythorpe in the rematch. In the last game, he had scored ninety-eight, and there was a lob bowler on the Claythorpe team he was especially eager to face again. Having to hand over a sovereign to Jellicoe—why did the guy want all that?—meant that unless a carefully written letter to his brother Bob at Oxford had the right impact, he would be almost broke for weeks.
In a gloomy frame of mind he sat down to write to Bob, who was playing regularly for the ’Varsity this season, and only the previous week had made a century against Sussex, so might be expected to be in a sufficiently softened mood to advance the needful. (Which, it may be stated at once, he did, by return of post.)
In a gloomy mood, he sat down to write to Bob, who was playing regularly for the university team this season, and just last week had scored a century against Sussex. So, he could be expected to be in a good enough mood to help out. (And, just to note, he did, by return mail.)
Mike was struggling with the opening sentences of this letter—he was never a very ready writer—when Stone and Robinson burst into the room.
Mike was having a hard time with the opening lines of this letter—he was never a quick writer—when Stone and Robinson walked into the room.
Mike put down his pen, and got up. He was in warlike mood, and welcomed the intrusion. If Stone and Robinson wanted battle, they should have it.
Mike set down his pen and stood up. He was in a confrontational mood and welcomed the interruption. If Stone and Robinson wanted a fight, they could have one.
But the motives of the expedition were obviously friendly. Stone beamed. Robinson was laughing.
But the reasons for the expedition were clearly friendly. Stone smiled brightly. Robinson was laughing.
“You’re a sportsman,” said Robinson.
“You're an athlete,” said Robinson.
“What did he give you?” asked Stone.
“What did he give you?” Stone asked.
They sat down, Robinson on the table, Stone in Psmith’s deck-chair. Mike’s heart warmed to them. The little disturbance in the dormitory was a thing of the past, done with, forgotten, contemporary with Julius Caesar. He felt that he, Stone and Robinson must learn to know and appreciate one another.
They sat down, Robinson on the table, Stone in Psmith’s deck chair. Mike felt a warmth towards them. The little disruption in the dormitory was behind them, over and done with, forgotten, like something from the time of Julius Caesar. He felt that he, Stone, and Robinson needed to get to know and appreciate each other.
There was, as a matter of fact, nothing much wrong with Stone and Robinson. They were just ordinary raggers of the type found at every public school, small and large. They were absolutely free from brain. They had a certain amount of muscle, and a vast store of animal spirits. They looked on school life purely as a vehicle for ragging. The Stones and Robinsons are the swashbucklers of the school world. They go about, loud and boisterous, with a whole-hearted and cheerful indifference to other people’s feelings, treading on the toes of their neighbour and shoving him off the pavement, and always with an eye wide open for any adventure. As to the kind of adventure, they are not particular so long as it promises excitement. Sometimes they go through their whole school career without accident. More often they run up against a snag in the shape of some serious-minded and muscular person who objects to having his toes trodden on and being shoved off the pavement, and then they usually sober down, to the mutual advantage of themselves and the rest of the community.
There wasn't really anything wrong with Stone and Robinson. They were just typical troublemakers you find at any public school, big or small. They were completely lacking in intellect. They had some physical strength and a lot of energy. They saw school life mainly as a chance to cause mischief. The Stones and Robinsons are the adventurers of the school scene. They walk around loudly and energetically, completely unconcerned about other people's feelings, stepping on their neighbors' toes and pushing them off the sidewalk, always on the lookout for some fun. As for the type of fun they seek, they aren’t picky as long as it promises excitement. Sometimes, they can go through their entire school years without any issues. More often than not, they encounter a serious and strong person who doesn’t appreciate having his toes stepped on or being shoved aside, which usually makes them calm down, benefiting both themselves and the rest of the community.
One’s opinion of this type of youth varies according to one’s point of view. Small boys whom they had occasion to kick, either from pure high spirits or as a punishment for some slip from the narrow path which the ideal small boy should tread, regarded Stone and Robinson as bullies of the genuine “Eric” and “St. Winifred’s” brand. Masters were rather afraid of them. Adair had a smouldering dislike for them. They were useful at cricket, but apt not to take Sedleigh as seriously as he could have wished.
One's view of this kind of youth depends on one's perspective. The little boys who got kicked by them, whether out of sheer excitement or as punishment for straying from the ideal behavior expected of a young boy, saw Stone and Robinson as real bullies, like the ones from “Eric” and “St. Winifred’s.” The teachers were somewhat intimidated by them. Adair harbored a quiet dislike for them. They were good at cricket but often didn't take Sedleigh as seriously as he would have liked.
As for Mike, he now found them pleasant company, and began to get out the tea-things.
As for Mike, he now found them nice to be around and started to bring out the tea supplies.
“Those Fire Brigade meetings,” said Stone, “are a rag. You can do what you like, and you never get more than a hundred lines.”
“Those Fire Brigade meetings,” said Stone, “are a joke. You can do whatever you want, and you never get more than a hundred lines.”
“Don’t you!” said Mike. “I got Saturday afternoon.”
“Don’t you dare!” said Mike. “I have Saturday afternoon free.”
“What!”
“What?!”
“Is Wilson in too?”
"Is Wilson in as well?"
“No. He got a hundred lines.”
“No. He got a hundred lines.”
Stone and Robinson were quite concerned.
Stone and Robinson were pretty worried.
“What a beastly swindle!”
“What a ridiculous scam!”
“That’s because you don’t play cricket. Old Downing lets you do what you like if you join the Fire Brigade and play cricket.”
"That’s because you don’t play cricket. Old Downing lets you do whatever you want if you join the Fire Brigade and play cricket."
“‘We are, above all, a keen school,’” quoted Stone. “Don’t you ever play?”
“‘We’re, above all, a great school,’” quoted Stone. “Don’t you ever play?”
“I have played a bit,” said Mike.
“I've played a little,” Mike said.
“Well, why don’t you have a shot? We aren’t such flyers here. If you know one end of a bat from the other, you could get into some sort of a team. Were you at school anywhere before you came here?”
“Well, why don’t you give it a try? We’re not all that great at this. If you can tell one end of a bat from the other, you could probably join a team. Did you play at a school somewhere before you got here?”
“I was at Wrykyn.”
“I was at Wrykyn.”
“Why on earth did you leave?” asked Stone. “Were you sacked?”
“Why did you leave?” asked Stone. “Did they fire you?”
“No. My pater took me away.”
“No. My dad took me away.”
“Wrykyn?” said Robinson. “Are you any relation of the Jacksons there—J. W. and the others?”
“Wrykyn?” Robinson asked. “Are you related to the Jacksons there—J. W. and the others?”
“Brother.”
"Bro."
“What!”
"What?!"
“Well, didn’t you play at all there?”
“Well, didn’t you play at all there?”
“Yes,” said Mike, “I did. I was in the team three years, and I should have been captain this year, if I’d stopped on.”
“Yeah,” Mike said, “I did. I was on the team for three years, and I should have been captain this year if I had stayed on.”
There was a profound and gratifying sensation. Stone gaped, and Robinson nearly dropped his tea-cup.
There was a deep and satisfying feeling. Stone stared in disbelief, and Robinson almost spilled his tea.
Stone broke the silence.
Stone shattered the silence.
“But I mean to say—look here! What I mean is, why aren’t you playing? Why don’t you play now?”
“But I’m saying—look here! What I mean is, why aren’t you playing? Why don’t you play now?”
“I do. I play for a village near here. Place called Little Borlock. A man who played against Wrykyn for the Free Foresters captains them. He asked me if I’d like some games for them.”
“I do. I play for a village nearby. It's called Little Borlock. A guy who played against Wrykyn for the Free Foresters is the captain. He asked me if I’d like to join them for some games.”
“But why not for the school?”
“But why not for the school?”
“Why should I? It’s much better fun for the village. You don’t get ordered about by Adair, for a start.”
“Why should I? It's way more fun for the village. You don't have to take orders from Adair, for one.”
“Adair sticks on side,” said Stone.
“Adair is sticking to the side,” said Stone.
“Enough for six,” agreed Robinson.
“Enough for six,” Robinson agreed.
“By Jove,” said Stone, “I’ve got an idea. My word, what a rag!”
“Wow,” said Stone, “I’ve got an idea. Seriously, what a mess!”
“What’s wrong now?” inquired Mike politely.
“What’s wrong now?” Mike asked politely.
“Why, look here. To-morrow’s Mid-term Service day. It’s nowhere near the middle of the term, but they always have it in the fourth week. There’s chapel at half-past nine till half-past ten. Then the rest of the day’s a whole holiday. There are always house matches. We’re playing Downing’s. Why don’t you play and let’s smash them?”
“Hey, check this out. Tomorrow is Mid-term Service day. It’s not really the middle of the term, but they always schedule it for the fourth week. There’s chapel from 9:30 to 10:30. After that, the rest of the day is completely free. There are usually house matches, and we’re up against Downing’s. Why don’t you join in, and let’s beat them?”
“By Jove, yes,” said Robinson. “Why don’t you? They’re always sticking on side because they’ve won the house cup three years running. I say, do you bat or bowl?”
“By God, yes,” said Robinson. “Why don’t you? They’re always acting superior because they’ve won the house cup three years in a row. I mean, do you bat or bowl?”
“Bat. Why?”
"Bat. Why though?"
Robinson rocked on the table.
Robinson was rocking on the table.
“Why, old Downing fancies himself as a bowler. You must play, and knock the cover off him.”
“Why, old Downing thinks he’s a bowler. You have to play and take him down.”
“Masters don’t play in house matches, surely?”
“Masters don’t play in home games, do they?”
“This isn’t a real house match. Only a friendly. Downing always turns out on Mid-term Service day. I say, do play.”
“This isn’t a real house match. Just a friendly. Downing always shows up on Mid-term Service day. I say, go ahead and play.”
“Think of the rag.”
“Think about the rag.”
“But the team’s full,” said Mike.
“But the team’s full,” Mike said.
“The list isn’t up yet. We’ll nip across to Barnes’ study, and make him alter it.”
“The list isn’t up yet. We’ll head over to Barnes’ study and get him to change it.”
They dashed out of the room. From down the passage Mike heard yells of “Barnes!” the closing of a door, and a murmur of excited conversation. Then footsteps returning down the passage.
They rushed out of the room. From down the hallway, Mike heard shouts of "Barnes!" the sound of a door slamming, and a buzz of excited chatter. Then footsteps headed back down the hallway.
Barnes appeared, on his face the look of one who has seen visions.
Barnes showed up, looking like someone who has seen visions.
“I say,” he said, “is it true? Or is Stone rotting? About Wrykyn, I mean.”
“I mean,” he said, “is it true? Or is Stone just falling apart? I’m talking about Wrykyn.”
“Yes, I was in the team.”
“Yes, I was part of the team.”
Barnes was an enthusiastic cricketer. He studied his Wisden, and he had an immense respect for Wrykyn cricket.
Barnes was an avid cricketer. He studied his Wisden, and he held a great respect for Wrykyn cricket.
“Are you the M. Jackson, then, who had an average of fifty-one point nought three last year?”
“Are you the M. Jackson who had an average of fifty-one point zero three last year?”
“Yes.”
"Yeah."
Barnes’s manner became like that of a curate talking to a bishop.
Barnes started to act like a junior priest speaking to a bishop.
“I say,” he said, “then—er—will you play against Downing’s to-morrow?”
"I say," he said, "so—um—will you play against Downing's tomorrow?"
“Rather,” said Mike. “Thanks awfully. Have some tea?”
“Actually,” said Mike. “Thanks a lot. Want some tea?”
CHAPTER XL
THE MATCH WITH DOWNING’S
It is the curious instinct which prompts most people to rub a thing in that makes the lot of the average convert an unhappy one. Only the very self-controlled can refrain from improving the occasion and scoring off the convert. Most leap at the opportunity.
It’s the natural tendency that leads most people to poke fun at something that makes the experience of the average convert a miserable one. Only those with great self-control can avoid taking the chance to make a point and gloat over the convert. Most jump at the opportunity.
It was so in Mike’s case. Mike was not a genuine convert, but to Mr. Downing he had the outward aspect of one. When you have been impressing upon a non-cricketing boy for nearly a month that (a) the school is above all a keen school, (b) that all members of it should play cricket, and (c) that by not playing cricket he is ruining his chances in this world and imperilling them in the next; and when, quite unexpectedly, you come upon this boy dressed in cricket flannels, wearing cricket boots and carrying a cricket bag, it seems only natural to assume that you have converted him, that the seeds of your eloquence have fallen on fruitful soil and sprouted.
It was the same for Mike. Mike wasn’t a true convert, but to Mr. Downing, he looked like one. After spending nearly a month telling a boy who didn't play cricket that (a) the school is, above all, a cricket-loving school, (b) that everyone should participate in cricket, and (c) that by not playing cricket he’s ruining his future opportunities and putting his afterlife at risk; when you unexpectedly find this boy dressed in cricket gear, wearing cricket shoes and carrying a cricket bag, it’s only natural to think you’ve converted him, that your persuasive words have taken root and blossomed.
Mr. Downing assumed it.
Mr. Downing took it.
He was walking to the field with Adair and another member of his team when he came upon Mike.
He was walking to the field with Adair and another teammate when he ran into Mike.
“What!” he cried. “Our Jackson clad in suit of mail and armed for the fray!”
“What!” he exclaimed. “Our Jackson dressed in armor and ready for battle!”
This was Mr. Downing’s No. 2 manner—the playful.
This was Mr. Downing's playful style.
“This is indeed Saul among the prophets. Why this sudden enthusiasm for a game which I understood that you despised? Are our opponents so reduced?”
“This is really Saul among the prophets. Why this sudden excitement for a game that I thought you hated? Have our opponents become that weak?”
Psmith, who was with Mike, took charge of the affair with a languid grace which had maddened hundreds in its time, and which never failed to ruffle Mr. Downing.
Psmith, who was with Mike, took control of the situation with a relaxed elegance that had driven hundreds crazy over the years, and which always managed to irritate Mr. Downing.
“We are, above all, sir,” he said, “a keen house. Drones are not welcomed by us. We are essentially versatile. Jackson, the archaeologist of yesterday, becomes the cricketer of to-day. It is the right spirit, sir,” said Psmith earnestly. “I like to see it.”
“We are, above all, sir,” he said, “a sharp house. Drones are not welcome here. We are fundamentally adaptable. Jackson, the archaeologist of yesterday, is now the cricketer of today. It’s the right attitude, sir,” Psmith said earnestly. “I like to see it.”
“Indeed, Smith? You are not playing yourself, I notice. Your enthusiasm has bounds.”
“Really, Smith? You’re not being yourself, I can see that. Your excitement has its limits.”
“In our house, sir, competition is fierce, and the Selection Committee unfortunately passed me over.”
“In our house, sir, competition is tough, and the Selection Committee unfortunately skipped over me.”
There were a number of pitches dotted about over the field, for there was always a touch of the London Park about it on Mid-term Service day. Adair, as captain of cricket, had naturally selected the best for his own match. It was a good wicket, Mike saw. As a matter of fact the wickets at Sedleigh were nearly always good. Adair had infected the ground-man with some of his own keenness, with the result that that once-leisurely official now found himself sometimes, with a kind of mild surprise, working really hard. At the beginning of the previous season Sedleigh had played a scratch team from a neighbouring town on a wicket which, except for the creases, was absolutely undistinguishable from the surrounding turf, and behind the pavilion after the match Adair had spoken certain home truths to the ground-man. The latter’s reformation had dated from that moment.
There were several pitches scattered across the field, always giving off a vibe of a London Park on Mid-term Service day. Adair, as the cricket captain, naturally picked the best pitch for his own match. It was a great wicket, Mike noticed. In fact, the wickets at Sedleigh were almost always good. Adair had inspired the groundskeeper with some of his enthusiasm, so much so that the once laid-back official now sometimes found himself, with mild surprise, actually working hard. At the start of the previous season, Sedleigh had faced a makeshift team from a nearby town on a wicket that, aside from the creases, looked exactly like the surrounding grass. After the match, behind the pavilion, Adair had shared some hard truths with the groundskeeper. That's when the latter's transformation began.
Barnes, timidly jubilant, came up to Mike with the news that he had won the toss, and the request that Mike would go in first with him.
Barnes, nervously excited, approached Mike with the news that he had won the toss and asked if Mike would bat first with him.
In stories of the “Not Really a Duffer” type, where the nervous new boy, who has been found crying in the boot-room over the photograph of his sister, contrives to get an innings in a game, nobody suspects that he is really a prodigy till he hits the Bully’s first ball out of the ground for six.
In stories of the “Not Really a Duffer” kind, where the anxious new kid, who has been caught crying in the boot room over a picture of his sister, manages to get a chance to play in a game, no one realizes that he’s actually a genius until he sends the Bully’s first pitch out of the park for six.
With Mike it was different. There was no pitying smile on Adair’s face as he started his run preparatory to sending down the first ball. Mike, on the cricket field, could not have looked anything but a cricketer if he had turned out in a tweed suit and hobnail boots. Cricketer was written all over him—in his walk, in the way he took guard, in his stand at the wickets. Adair started to bowl with the feeling that this was somebody who had more than a little knowledge of how to deal with good bowling and punish bad.
With Mike, it was different. Adair didn’t have a pitying smile on his face as he began his run-up to deliver the first ball. On the cricket field, Mike couldn’t have looked more like a cricketer, even if he’d shown up in a tweed suit and hobnail boots. He had "cricketer" written all over him—in his walk, in how he took guard, in his stance at the wickets. Adair started to bowl, feeling like this was someone who really knew how to handle good bowling and take advantage of bad.
Mike started cautiously. He was more than usually anxious to make runs to-day, and he meant to take no risks till he could afford to do so. He had seen Adair bowl at the nets, and he knew that he was good.
Mike began carefully. He was more anxious than usual to score runs today, and he planned to avoid taking any risks until he could afford to. He had watched Adair bowl at the nets, and he knew he was skilled.
The first over was a maiden, six dangerous balls beautifully played. The fieldsmen changed over.
The first over was a maiden, six dangerous balls skillfully played. The fielders switched positions.
The general interest had now settled on the match between Outwood’s and Downing’s. The fact in Mike’s case had gone round the field, and, as several of the other games had not yet begun, quite a large crowd had collected near the pavilion to watch. Mike’s masterly treatment of the opening over had impressed the spectators, and there was a popular desire to see how he would deal with Mr. Downing’s slows. It was generally anticipated that he would do something special with them.
The overall interest had now zeroed in on the match between Outwood’s and Downing’s. The news about Mike had spread around the field, and since several other games hadn’t started yet, a sizable crowd had gathered near the pavilion to watch. Mike's impressive handling of the first over had caught the attention of the spectators, and there was a shared eagerness to see how he would handle Mr. Downing’s slower balls. People were expecting him to do something special with them.
Off the first ball of the master’s over a leg-bye was run.
Off the first ball of the master’s over, a leg-bye was taken.
Mike took guard.
Mike stood guard.
Mr. Downing was a bowler with a style of his own. He took two short steps, two long steps, gave a jump, took three more short steps, and ended with a combination of step and jump, during which the ball emerged from behind his back and started on its slow career to the wicket. The whole business had some of the dignity of the old-fashioned minuet, subtly blended with the careless vigour of a cake-walk. The ball, when delivered, was billed to break from leg, but the programme was subject to alterations.
Mr. Downing had his own unique bowling style. He took two short steps, then two long ones, jumped, took three more short steps, and finished with a mix of a step and a jump, during which the ball came out from behind his back and began its slow journey to the wicket. The whole routine had a bit of the elegance of an old-fashioned minuet, subtly combined with the carefree energy of a cakewalk. The ball, when bowled, was supposed to break from leg, but that plan was open to changes.
If the spectators had expected Mike to begin any firework effects with the first ball, they were disappointed. He played the over through with a grace worthy of his brother Joe. The last ball he turned to leg for a single.
If the spectators were expecting Mike to kick off any firework effects with the first ball, they were let down. He played through the over with a grace that matched his brother Joe. On the last ball, he turned it to leg for a single.
His treatment of Adair’s next over was freer. He had got a sight of the ball now. Half-way through the over a beautiful square cut forced a passage through the crowd by the pavilion, and dashed up against the rails. He drove the sixth ball past cover for three.
His approach to Adair’s next over was more relaxed. He had gotten a good look at the ball now. Halfway through the over, a stunning square cut broke through the crowd near the pavilion and struck the rails. He drove the sixth ball past cover for three runs.
The crowd was now reluctantly dispersing to its own games, but it stopped as Mr. Downing started his minuet-cake-walk, in the hope that it might see something more sensational.
The crowd was now slowly breaking up to return to its own activities, but it paused as Mr. Downing began his minuet-cake-walk, hoping to catch a glimpse of something more exciting.
This time the hope was fulfilled.
This time, the hope became reality.
The ball was well up, slow, and off the wicket on the on-side. Perhaps if it had been allowed to pitch, it might have broken in and become quite dangerous. Mike went out at it, and hit it a couple of feet from the ground. The ball dropped with a thud and a spurting of dust in the road that ran along one side of the cricket field.
The ball was high, slow, and off the wicket on the leg side. Maybe if it had been let to pitch, it could have turned in and become pretty dangerous. Mike went for it and hit it a couple of feet off the ground. The ball landed with a thud and sent up a cloud of dust on the road that ran alongside the cricket field.
It was returned on the instalment system by helpers from other games, and the bowler began his manoeuvres again. A half-volley this time. Mike slammed it back, and mid-on, whose heart was obviously not in the thing, failed to stop it.
It was sent back on the installment plan by helpers from other games, and the bowler started his moves again. A half-volley this time. Mike hit it hard, and mid-on, who clearly wasn’t into it, couldn’t stop it.
“Get to them, Jenkins,” said Mr. Downing irritably, as the ball came back from the boundary. “Get to them.”
“Get to them, Jenkins,” said Mr. Downing irritably as the ball came back from the boundary. “Get to them.”
“Sir, please, sir——”
“Please, sir——”
“Don’t talk in the field, Jenkins.”
“Don’t talk in the field, Jenkins.”
Having had a full-pitch hit for six and a half-volley for four, there was a strong probability that Mr. Downing would pitch his next ball short.
Having scored six runs with a full-pitch hit and four with a half-volley, it was very likely that Mr. Downing would pitch his next ball short.
The expected happened. The third ball was a slow long-hop, and hit the road at about the same spot where the first had landed. A howl of untuneful applause rose from the watchers in the pavilion, and Mike, with the feeling that this sort of bowling was too good to be true, waited in position for number four.
The expected happened. The third ball was a slow, easy pitch, landing on the road at pretty much the same spot where the first one had hit. A loud, off-key cheer erupted from the spectators in the pavilion, and Mike, sensing that this kind of bowling was too good to be true, got ready for number four.
There are moments when a sort of panic seizes a bowler. This happened now with Mr. Downing. He suddenly abandoned science and ran amok. His run lost its stateliness and increased its vigour. He charged up to the wicket as a wounded buffalo sometimes charges a gun. His whole idea now was to bowl fast.
There are moments when a kind of panic grabs a bowler. This happened now with Mr. Downing. He abruptly ditched technique and went wild. His delivery lost its elegance and picked up speed. He rushed toward the wicket like an injured buffalo might charge at a rifle. His only focus now was to bowl fast.
When a slow bowler starts to bowl fast, it is usually as well to be batting, if you can manage it.
When a slow bowler begins to bowl fast, it’s usually better to be batting, if you can handle it.
By the time the over was finished, Mike’s score had been increased by sixteen, and the total of his side, in addition, by three wides.
By the time the over was done, Mike’s score had gone up by sixteen, and his team's total had also increased by three wides.
And a shrill small voice, from the neighbourhood of the pavilion, uttered with painful distinctness the words, “Take him off!”
And a sharp, small voice from near the pavilion clearly shouted, “Take him away!”
That was how the most sensational day’s cricket began that Sedleigh had known.
That was how the most exciting day of cricket began that Sedleigh had ever seen.
A description of the details of the morning’s play would be monotonous. It is enough to say that they ran on much the same lines as the third and fourth overs of the match. Mr. Downing bowled one more over, off which Mike helped himself to sixteen runs, and then retired moodily to cover-point, where, in Adair’s fifth over, he missed Barnes—the first occasion since the game began on which that mild batsman had attempted to score more than a single. Scared by this escape, Outwood’s captain shrank back into his shell, sat on the splice like a limpet, and, offering no more chances, was not out at lunch time with a score of eleven.
A description of the morning's game would be boring. It's enough to say that it followed the same pattern as the third and fourth overs of the match. Mr. Downing bowled one more over, from which Mike scored sixteen runs, then moodily retreated to cover-point, where, in Adair's fifth over, he missed Barnes—the first time since the game started that the mild batsman had tried to score more than a single. Frightened by this close call, Outwood’s captain withdrew into his shell, clung to the splice like a limpet, and, not offering any more chances, was not out at lunch with a score of eleven.
Mike had then made a hundred and three.
Mike had then scored a hundred and three.
As Mike was taking off his pads in the pavilion, Adair came up.
As Mike was removing his pads in the pavilion, Adair approached.
“Why did you say you didn’t play cricket?” he asked abruptly.
“Why did you say you didn’t play cricket?” he asked suddenly.
When one has been bowling the whole morning, and bowling well, without the slightest success, one is inclined to be abrupt.
When you've been bowling all morning and doing great, but not getting any strikes, it's easy to feel a bit short-tempered.
Mike finished unfastening an obstinate strap. Then he looked up.
Mike finally got the stubborn strap undone. Then he looked up.
“I didn’t say anything of the kind. I said I wasn’t going to play here. There’s a difference. As a matter of fact, I was in the Wrykyn team before I came here. Three years.”
“I didn’t say anything like that. I said I wasn’t going to play here. There’s a difference. Actually, I was on the Wrykyn team before I got here. Three years.”
Adair was silent for a moment.
Adair was quiet for a moment.
“Will you play for us against the Old Sedleighans to-morrow?” he said at length.
“Will you play against the Old Sedleighans for us tomorrow?” he finally asked.
Mike tossed his pads into his bag and got up.
Mike threw his pads into his bag and stood up.
“No, thanks.”
"No, thank you."
There was a silence.
It was quiet.
“Above it, I suppose?”
"Over it, I guess?"
“Not a bit. Not up to it. I shall want a lot of coaching at that end net of yours before I’m fit to play for Sedleigh.”
“Not at all. I'm not ready for that. I’m going to need a lot of practice at that end of yours before I’m good enough to play for Sedleigh.”
There was another pause.
There was another pause.
“Then you won’t play?” asked Adair.
“Then you’re not going to play?” asked Adair.
“I’m not keeping you, am I?” said Mike, politely.
“I’m not keeping you, am I?” Mike asked politely.
It was remarkable what a number of members of Outwood’s house appeared to cherish a personal grudge against Mr. Downing. It had been that master’s somewhat injudicious practice for many years to treat his own house as a sort of Chosen People. Of all masters, the most unpopular is he who by the silent tribunal of a school is convicted of favouritism. And the dislike deepens if it is a house which he favours and not merely individuals. On occasions when boys in his own house and boys from other houses were accomplices and partners in wrong-doing, Mr. Downing distributed his thunderbolts unequally, and the school noticed it. The result was that not only he himself, but also—which was rather unfair—his house, too, had acquired a good deal of unpopularity.
It was notable how many members of Outwood’s house seemed to hold a personal grudge against Mr. Downing. For many years, the master had made the unwise choice to treat his own house like a group of favorites. Among all masters, the least liked is the one who is silently judged by the school for showing favoritism. The dislike increases even more if it’s his house that he prefers, rather than just specific individuals. At times when boys from his house and boys from other houses were involved in wrongdoing together, Mr. Downing dealt out punishment unevenly, and the school took notice. The result was that not only did he become unpopular, but unfairly, his house did as well.
The general consensus of opinion in Outwood’s during the luncheon interval was that, having got Downing’s up a tree, they would be fools not to make the most of the situation.
The general opinion in Outwood's during the lunch break was that, having put Downing in a tough spot, they would be foolish not to take advantage of the situation.
Barnes’s remark that he supposed, unless anything happened and wickets began to fall a bit faster, they had better think of declaring somewhere about half-past three or four, was met with a storm of opposition.
Barnes’s comment that he thought, unless something changed and wickets started to fall a bit faster, they should consider declaring around half-past three or four, was met with a fierce backlash.
“Declare!” said Robinson. “Great Scott, what on earth are you talking about?”
“Declare!” said Robinson. “Great Scott, what the heck are you talking about?”
“Declare!” Stone’s voice was almost a wail of indignation. “I never saw such a chump.”
“Declare!” Stone's voice was almost a wail of outrage. “I’ve never seen someone so clueless.”
“They’ll be rather sick if we don’t, won’t they?” suggested Barnes.
“They’ll be pretty sick if we don’t, right?” suggested Barnes.
“Sick! I should think they would,” said Stone. “That’s just the gay idea. Can’t you see that by a miracle we’ve got a chance of getting a jolly good bit of our own back against those Downing’s ticks? What we’ve got to do is to jolly well keep them in the field all day if we can, and be jolly glad it’s so beastly hot. If they lose about a dozen pounds each through sweating about in the sun after Jackson’s drives, perhaps they’ll stick on less side about things in general in future. Besides, I want an innings against that bilge of old Downing’s, if I can get it.”
“Sick! I think they would,” said Stone. “That’s just the fun idea. Can’t you see that by some miracle we’ve got a chance to get a good bit of our own back against those Downing’s pests? What we need to do is to keep them in the field all day if we can, and be really glad it’s so unbearably hot. If they lose about a dozen pounds each from sweating in the sun after Jackson’s drives, maybe they’ll complain less about things in general in the future. Plus, I want a turn against that nonsense from old Downing, if I can get it.”
“So do I,” said Robinson.
"Me too," said Robinson.
“If you declare, I swear I won’t field. Nor will Robinson.”
“If you say that, I swear I won’t participate. Neither will Robinson.”
“Rather not.”
“Prefer not to.”
“Well, I won’t then,” said Barnes unhappily. “Only you know they’re rather sick already.”
“Well, I won’t then,” said Barnes, sounding unhappy. “But you know they’re already pretty sick.”
“Don’t you worry about that,” said Stone with a wide grin. “They’ll be a lot sicker before we’ve finished.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Stone said with a big grin. “They’ll be a lot sicker before we’re done.”
And so it came about that that particular Mid-term Service-day match made history. Big scores had often been put up on Mid-term Service day. Games had frequently been one-sided. But it had never happened before in the annals of the school that one side, going in first early in the morning, had neither completed its innings nor declared it closed when stumps were drawn at 6.30. In no previous Sedleigh match, after a full day’s play, had the pathetic words “Did not bat” been written against the whole of one of the contending teams.
And so it turned out that this particular Mid-term Service-day match made history. High scores had often been recorded on Mid-term Service day. Games had frequently been one-sided. But it had never happened before in the school's history that one team, starting early in the morning, didn’t finish its innings or declare it closed when play ended at 6:30. In no previous Sedleigh match, after a full day of play, had the unfortunate words “Did not bat” been written next to an entire team.
These are the things which mark epochs.
These are the things that define eras.
Play was resumed at 2.15. For a quarter of an hour Mike was comparatively quiet. Adair, fortified by food and rest, was bowling really well, and his first half-dozen overs had to be watched carefully. But the wicket was too good to give him a chance, and Mike, playing himself in again, proceeded to get to business once more. Bowlers came and went. Adair pounded away at one end with brief intervals between the attacks. Mr. Downing took a couple more overs, in one of which a horse, passing in the road, nearly had its useful life cut suddenly short. Change-bowlers of various actions and paces, each weirder and more futile than the last, tried their luck. But still the first-wicket stand continued.
Play resumed at 2:15. For about fifteen minutes, Mike was relatively quiet. Adair, energized by food and rest, was bowling really well, and his first six overs needed close attention. But the pitch was too good to give him a chance, and Mike, getting back into his groove, got back to work. Bowlers came and went. Adair kept bowling from one end with short breaks in between his spells. Mr. Downing took a couple more overs, during which a horse passing on the road almost had its life unexpectedly cut short. Different bowlers with various styles and speeds, each stranger and less effective than the last, tried their luck. But still, the first-wicket partnership continued.
The bowling of a house team is all head and no body. The first pair probably have some idea of length and break. The first-change pair are poor. And the rest, the small change, are simply the sort of things one sees in dreams after a heavy supper, or when one is out without one’s gun.
The bowling of a house team is all show and no substance. The first pair probably have some understanding of length and spin. The second pair aren’t great. And the rest, the backups, are just the kind of things you see in dreams after a big meal, or when you’re out without your weapon.
Time, mercifully, generally breaks up a big stand at cricket before the field has suffered too much, and that is what happened now. At four o’clock, when the score stood at two hundred and twenty for no wicket, Barnes, greatly daring, smote lustily at a rather wide half-volley and was caught at short-slip for thirty-three. He retired blushfully to the pavilion, amidst applause, and Stone came out.
Time, thankfully, usually interrupts a long innings in cricket before the field gets too worn out, and that’s exactly what happened now. At four o'clock, with the score at two hundred and twenty without loss, Barnes, taking a risk, swung hard at a slightly wide half-volley and was caught at short-slip for thirty-three runs. He walked back to the pavilion, blushing, to applause, and Stone came out to bat.
As Mike had then made a hundred and eighty-seven, it was assumed by the field, that directly he had topped his second century, the closure would be applied and their ordeal finished. There was almost a sigh of relief when frantic cheering from the crowd told that the feat had been accomplished. The fieldsmen clapped in quite an indulgent sort of way, as who should say, “Capital, capital. And now let’s start our innings.” Some even began to edge towards the pavilion. But the next ball was bowled, and the next over, and the next after that, and still Barnes made no sign. (The conscience-stricken captain of Outwood’s was, as a matter of fact, being practically held down by Robinson and other ruffians by force.)
As Mike reached one hundred eighty-seven, everyone on the field assumed that once he hit his second century, the game would wrap up and their struggle would be over. There was almost a collective sigh of relief when the crowd erupted in wild cheers, signaling that he had done it. The fielders clapped in a somewhat indulgent manner, as if to say, “Great job! Now let’s start our innings.” Some even started to drift towards the pavilion. But the next ball was bowled, and then another over, and yet another, and Barnes showed no signs of stopping. (The guilt-ridden captain of Outwood's was, in fact, being practically held down by Robinson and some other thugs.)
A grey dismay settled on the field.
A grey sadness hung over the field.
The bowling had now become almost unbelievably bad. Lobs were being tried, and Stone, nearly weeping with pure joy, was playing an innings of the How-to-brighten-cricket type. He had an unorthodox style, but an excellent eye, and the road at this period of the game became absolutely unsafe for pedestrians and traffic.
The bowling had now become almost unbelievably bad. Lobs were being thrown, and Stone, nearly crying with pure joy, was playing a game that was all about making cricket more enjoyable. He had a unique style but an excellent eye, and the road during this part of the game became completely unsafe for pedestrians and vehicles.
Mike’s pace had become slower, as was only natural, but his score, too, was mounting steadily.
Mike was moving slower, which was only natural, but his score was also steadily rising.
“This is foolery,” snapped Mr. Downing, as the three hundred and fifty went up on the board. “Barnes!” he called.
“This is nonsense,” snapped Mr. Downing, as the three hundred and fifty went up on the board. “Barnes!” he called.
There was no reply. A committee of three was at that moment engaged in sitting on Barnes’s head in the first eleven changing-room, in order to correct a more than usually feverish attack of conscience.
There was no reply. A committee of three was at that moment busy confronting Barnes in the first eleven changing room, trying to deal with a more intense than usual bout of guilt.
“Barnes!”
“Hey, Barnes!”
“Please, sir,” said Stone, some species of telepathy telling him what was detaining his captain. “I think Barnes must have left the field. He has probably gone over to the house to fetch something.”
“Please, sir,” said Stone, some sort of telepathy telling him what was keeping his captain. “I think Barnes must have left the field. He has probably gone over to the house to get something.”
“This is absurd. You must declare your innings closed. The game has become a farce.”
“This is ridiculous. You need to call your innings finished. The game has turned into a joke.”
“Declare! Sir, we can’t unless Barnes does. He might be awfully annoyed if we did anything like that without consulting him.”
“Look! We can't do that unless Barnes gives the green light. He might be really upset if we went ahead with something like that without checking with him first.”
“Absurd.”
“Ridiculous.”
“He’s very touchy, sir.”
“He's really sensitive, sir.”
“It is perfect foolery.”
“It’s complete foolishness.”
“I think Jenkins is just going to bowl, sir.”
“I think Jenkins is just going to bowl, sir.”
Mr. Downing walked moodily to his place.
Mr. Downing walked silently to his spot.
In a neat wooden frame in the senior day-room at Outwood’s, just above the mantelpiece, there was on view, a week later, a slip of paper. The writing on it was as follows:
In a tidy wooden frame in the senior day room at Outwood’s, just above the mantel, there was a piece of paper on display, a week later. The writing on it read:
OUTWOOD’S v. DOWNING’S
OUTWOOD’S vs. DOWNING’S
Outwood’s. First innings.
Outwood’s. First half.
J. P. Barnes, c. Hammond, b. Hassall... | 33 |
M. Jackson, not out........................ | 277 |
W. J. Stone, not out....................... | 124 |
Extras............................... | 37 |
----- | |
Total (for one wicket)...... | 471 |
Downing’s did not bat.
Downing's didn't bat.
CHAPTER XLI
THE SINGULAR BEHAVIOUR OF JELLICOE
Outwood’s rollicked considerably that night. Mike, if he had cared to take the part, could have been the Petted Hero. But a cordial invitation from the senior day-room to be the guest of the evening at about the biggest rag of the century had been refused on the plea of fatigue. One does not make two hundred and seventy-seven runs on a hot day without feeling the effects, even if one has scored mainly by the medium of boundaries; and Mike, as he lay back in Psmith’s deck-chair, felt that all he wanted was to go to bed and stay there for a week. His hands and arms burned as if they were red-hot, and his eyes were so tired that he could not keep them open.
Outwood had a great time that night. Mike, if he had wanted to, could have been the star of the evening. But he declined a warm invitation from the senior day-room to be the guest of honor at what was basically the biggest party of the century, saying he was too tired. You don’t score two hundred and seventy-seven runs on a hot day without feeling it, even if most of those runs came from boundaries; and as Mike relaxed in Psmith’s deck chair, all he wanted was to go to bed and stay there for a week. His hands and arms felt like they were on fire, and his eyes were so exhausted that he couldn’t keep them open.
Psmith, leaning against the mantelpiece, discoursed in a desultory way on the day’s happenings—the score off Mr. Downing, the undeniable annoyance of that battered bowler, and the probability of his venting his annoyance on Mike next day.
Psmith, leaning against the mantel, casually talked about the day’s events—the score against Mr. Downing, the irritating battered bowler, and the likelihood of him taking out his frustration on Mike the next day.
“In theory,” said he, “the manly what-d’you-call-it of cricket and all that sort of thing ought to make him fall on your neck to-morrow and weep over you as a foeman worthy of his steel. But I am prepared to bet a reasonable sum that he will give no Jiu-jitsu exhibition of this kind. In fact, from what I have seen of our bright little friend, I should say that, in a small way, he will do his best to make it distinctly hot for you, here and there.”
“In theory,” he said, “the sportsmanship of cricket and all that should make him rush to you tomorrow and cry over you as a worthy opponent. But I’d bet a decent amount that he won’t put on any Jiu-jitsu show like that. Honestly, from what I’ve observed about our lively little friend, I’d say he’ll try to make things pretty uncomfortable for you, here and there.”
“I don’t care,” murmured Mike, shifting his aching limbs in the chair.
“I don’t care,” murmured Mike, adjusting his sore limbs in the chair.
“In an ordinary way, I suppose, a man can put up with having his bowling hit a little. But your performance was cruelty to animals. Twenty-eight off one over, not to mention three wides, would have made Job foam at the mouth. You will probably get sacked. On the other hand, it’s worth it. You have lit a candle this day which can never be blown out. You have shown the lads of the village how Comrade Downing’s bowling ought to be treated. I don’t suppose he’ll ever take another wicket.”
“In a regular way, I guess, a guy can handle having his bowling hit a bit. But your performance was just brutal. Twenty-eight runs in one over, not to mention three wides, would have made Job lose it. You’re probably going to get fired. On the flip side, it’s worth it. You’ve sparked something today that can never be extinguished. You’ve taught the guys in the village how Comrade Downing’s bowling should really be dealt with. I doubt he’ll ever take another wicket again.”
“He doesn’t deserve to.”
"He doesn't deserve to."
Psmith smoothed his hair at the glass and turned round again.
Psmith fixed his hair in the mirror and turned around again.
“The only blot on this day of mirth and good-will is,” he said, “the singular conduct of our friend Jellicoe. When all the place was ringing with song and merriment, Comrade Jellicoe crept to my side, and, slipping his little hand in mine, touched me for three quid.”
“The only downside to this day of joy and kindness is,” he said, “the strange behavior of our friend Jellicoe. While the place was filled with singing and laughter, Comrade Jellicoe snuck up to me, and, slipping his small hand into mine, asked me for three quid.”
This interested Mike, fagged as he was.
This interested Mike, even though he was exhausted.
“What! Three quid!”
“Wait! Three pounds!”
“Three jingling, clinking sovereigns. He wanted four.”
“Three jingling, clinking coins. He wanted four.”
“But the man must be living at the rate of I don’t know what. It was only yesterday that he borrowed a quid from me!”
“But the man must be living beyond his means. It was only yesterday that he borrowed a pound from me!”
“He must be saving money fast. There appear to be the makings of a financier about Comrade Jellicoe. Well, I hope, when he’s collected enough for his needs, he’ll pay me back a bit. I’m pretty well cleaned out.”
“He must be saving money quickly. It looks like Comrade Jellicoe has the potential to be a financier. Well, I hope that when he has enough for himself, he’ll pay me back a little. I’m almost out of funds.”
“I got some from my brother at Oxford.”
“I got some from my brother at Oxford.”
“Perhaps he’s saving up to get married. We may be helping towards furnishing the home. There was a Siamese prince fellow at my dame’s at Eton who had four wives when he arrived, and gathered in a fifth during his first summer holidays. It was done on the correspondence system. His Prime Minister fixed it up at the other end, and sent him the glad news on a picture post-card. I think an eye ought to be kept on Comrade Jellicoe.”
“Maybe he’s saving up to get married. We might be contributing to furnishing the home. There was a Siamese prince at my school at Eton who arrived with four wives and picked up a fifth during his first summer break. It was all arranged through correspondence. His Prime Minister set it up on the other side and sent him the good news on a postcard. I think we should keep an eye on Comrade Jellicoe.”
Mike tumbled into bed that night like a log, but he could not sleep. He ached all over. Psmith chatted for a time on human affairs in general, and then dropped gently off. Jellicoe, who appeared to be wrapped in gloom, contributed nothing to the conversation.
Mike crashed into bed that night like a log, but he couldn’t sleep. His body ached all over. Psmith talked for a while about various human issues and then drifted off. Jellicoe, who seemed to be in a deep funk, didn’t add anything to the conversation.
After Psmith had gone to sleep, Mike lay for some time running over in his mind, as the best substitute for sleep, the various points of his innings that day. He felt very hot and uncomfortable.
After Psmith had fallen asleep, Mike lay there for a while, mentally going over the different aspects of his innings that day as a way to substitute for sleep. He felt really hot and uncomfortable.
Just as he was wondering whether it would not be a good idea to get up and have a cold bath, a voice spoke from the darkness at his side.
Just as he was thinking about whether it would be a good idea to get up and take a cold shower, a voice came from the darkness next to him.
“Are you asleep, Jackson?”
"Are you awake, Jackson?"
“Who’s that?”
"Who's that?"
“Me—Jellicoe. I can’t get to sleep.”
“Me—Jellicoe. I can’t sleep.”
“Nor can I. I’m stiff all over.”
“Me neither. I’m sore all over.”
“I’ll come over and sit on your bed.”
“I’ll come over and sit on your bed.”
There was a creaking, and then a weight descended in the neighbourhood of Mike’s toes.
There was a creaking sound, and then a weight dropped near Mike’s toes.
Jellicoe was apparently not in conversational mood. He uttered no word for quite three minutes. At the end of which time he gave a sound midway between a snort and a sigh.
Jellicoe didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. He didn’t say anything for nearly three minutes. At the end of that time, he made a noise that was somewhere between a snort and a sigh.
“I say, Jackson!” he said.
"I mean, Jackson!" he said.
“Yes?”
"Yeah?"
“Have you—oh, nothing.”
"Have you—oh, never mind."
Silence again.
Silence once more.
“Jackson.”
"Jackson."
“Hullo?”
"Hello?"
“I say, what would your people say if you got sacked?”
“I mean, what would your people say if you got fired?”
“All sorts of things. Especially my pater. Why?”
“All kinds of things. Especially my dad. Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know. So would mine.”
“Oh, I have no idea. Mine would too.”
“Everybody’s would, I expect.”
"Everyone would, I expect."
“Yes.”
“Yeah.”
The bed creaked, as Jellicoe digested these great thoughts. Then he spoke again.
The bed creaked as Jellicoe processed these big thoughts. Then he spoke again.
“It would be a jolly beastly thing to get sacked.”
“It would be a really terrible thing to get fired.”
Mike was too tired to give his mind to the subject. He was not really listening. Jellicoe droned on in a depressed sort of way.
Mike was too tired to focus on the topic. He wasn't really paying attention. Jellicoe droned on in a gloomy sort of manner.
“You’d get home in the middle of the afternoon, I suppose, and you’d drive up to the house, and the servant would open the door, and you’d go in. They might all be out, and then you’d have to hang about, and wait; and presently you’d hear them come in, and you’d go out into the passage, and they’d say ‘Hullo!’”
“You’d get home in the middle of the afternoon, I guess, and you’d pull up to the house, and the helper would open the door, and you’d go inside. They might all be out, and then you’d have to wait around; eventually, you’d hear them come in, and you’d step into the hallway, and they’d say ‘Hey!’”
Jellicoe, in order to give verisimilitude, as it were, to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative, flung so much agitated surprise into the last word that it woke Mike from a troubled doze into which he had fallen.
Jellicoe, to make the story feel more realistic, threw in so much excited surprise at the end that it jolted Mike out of the troubled nap he had fallen into.
“Hullo?” he said. “What’s up?”
“Hey?” he said. “What’s up?”
“Then you’d say. ‘Hullo!’ And then they’d say, ‘What are you doing here?’ And you’d say——”
“Then you’d say, ‘Hey!’ And then they’d say, ‘What are you doing here?’ And you’d say——”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“What are you even talking about?”
“About what would happen.”
“About what will happen.”
“Happen when?”
“When will it happen?”
“When you got home. After being sacked, you know.”
“When you got home. After being fired, you know.”
“Who’s been sacked?” Mike’s mind was still under a cloud.
“Who got fired?” Mike's mind was still clouded.
“Nobody. But if you were, I meant. And then I suppose there’d be an awful row and general sickness, and all that. And then you’d be sent into a bank, or to Australia, or something.”
“Nobody. But if you were, I mean. And then I guess there’d be a huge mess and a lot of drama, and all that. And then you’d be sent to a bank, or to Australia, or something.”
Mike dozed off again.
Mike fell asleep again.
“My pater would be frightfully sick. My mater would be sick. My sister would be jolly sick, too. Have you got any sisters, Jackson? I say, Jackson!”
“My dad would be really sick. My mom would be sick. My sister would be super sick, too. Do you have any sisters, Jackson? I’m talking to you, Jackson!”
“Hullo! What’s the matter? Who’s that?”
“Hey! What’s up? Who’s that?”
“Me—Jellicoe.”
“Me—Jellicoe.”
“What’s up?”
“What's going on?”
“I asked you if you’d got any sisters.”
“I asked you if you have any sisters.”
“Any what?”
"Any what?"
“Sisters.”
"Sisters."
“Whose sisters?”
"Whose sisters are these?"
“Yours. I asked if you’d got any.”
“Yours. I asked if you had any.”
“Any what?”
"Any what?"
“Sisters.”
"Sisters."
“What about them?”
"What about those?"
The conversation was becoming too intricate for Jellicoe. He changed the subject.
The conversation was getting too complicated for Jellicoe. He switched topics.
“I say, Jackson!”
"Hey, Jackson!"
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“I say, you don’t know any one who could lend me a pound, do you?”
“I mean, you don’t know anyone who could lend me a pound, do you?”
“What!” cried Mike, sitting up in bed and staring through the darkness in the direction whence the numismatist’s voice was proceeding. “Do what?”
“What!” Mike exclaimed, sitting up in bed and peering through the darkness toward where the numismatist’s voice was coming from. “Do what?”
“I say, look out. You’ll wake Smith.”
“I’m telling you, watch out. You’ll wake up Smith.”
“Did you say you wanted some one to lend you a quid?”
“Did you say you wanted someone to lend you a pound?”
“Yes,” said Jellicoe eagerly. “Do you know any one?”
“Yes,” said Jellicoe eagerly. “Do you know anyone?”
Mike’s head throbbed. This thing was too much. The human brain could not be expected to cope with it. Here was a youth who had borrowed a pound from one friend the day before, and three pounds from another friend that very afternoon, already looking about him for further loans. Was it a hobby, or was he saving up to buy an aeroplane?
Mike's head ached. This was too much to handle. The human brain wasn't meant to deal with this. Here was a young guy who had borrowed a pound from one friend yesterday and three pounds from another friend that very afternoon, already scanning the room for more loans. Was this some kind of hobby, or was he saving up to buy a plane?
“What on earth do you want a pound for?”
“What do you need a pound for?”
“I don’t want to tell anybody. But it’s jolly serious. I shall get sacked if I don’t get it.”
“I don’t want to tell anyone. But it’s really serious. I’ll get fired if I don’t get it.”
Mike pondered.
Mike thought.
Those who have followed Mike’s career as set forth by the present historian will have realised by this time that he was a good long way from being perfect. As the Blue-Eyed Hero he would have been a rank failure. Except on the cricket field, where he was a natural genius, he was just ordinary. He resembled ninety per cent. of other members of English public schools. He had some virtues and a good many defects. He was as obstinate as a mule, though people whom he liked could do as they pleased with him. He was good-natured as a general thing, but on occasion his temper could be of the worst, and had, in his childhood, been the subject of much adverse comment among his aunts. He was rigidly truthful, where the issue concerned only himself. Where it was a case of saving a friend, he was prepared to act in a manner reminiscent of an American expert witness.
Those who have followed Mike’s career as described by the current historian will have realized by now that he was far from perfect. As the Blue-Eyed Hero, he would have been a complete failure. Except for on the cricket field, where he was a natural talent, he was just average. He was like ninety percent of other students in English public schools. He had some good qualities and quite a few flaws. He was as stubborn as a mule, although people he liked could easily persuade him. Generally, he was good-natured, but at times his temper could be quite bad, and it had drawn a lot of negative comments from his aunts during his childhood. He was strictly honest when it involved only himself. However, if it meant saving a friend, he was willing to act in a way reminiscent of an American expert witness.
He had, in addition, one good quality without any defect to balance it. He was always ready to help people. And when he set himself to do this, he was never put off by discomfort or risk. He went at the thing with a singleness of purpose that asked no questions.
He also had one great quality that had no flaws to counter it. He was always willing to help others. And when he decided to do so, he never let discomfort or danger stop him. He approached everything with a single-minded determination that didn’t question anything.
Bob’s postal order, which had arrived that evening, was reposing in the breast-pocket of his coat.
Bob’s postal order, which had arrived that evening, was sitting in the breast pocket of his coat.
It was a wrench, but, if the situation was so serious with Jellicoe, it had to be done.
It was tough, but if things were really that serious with Jellicoe, it had to happen.
Two minutes later the night was being made hideous by Jellicoe’s almost tearful protestations of gratitude, and the postal order had moved from one side of the dormitory to the other.
Two minutes later, the night was made unbearable by Jellicoe’s almost tearful thanks, and the postal order had moved from one side of the dormitory to the other.
CHAPTER XLII
JELLICOE GOES ON THE SICK-LIST
Mike woke next morning with a confused memory of having listened to a great deal of incoherent conversation from Jellicoe, and a painfully vivid recollection of handing over the bulk of his worldly wealth to him. The thought depressed him, though it seemed to please Jellicoe, for the latter carolled in a gay undertone as he dressed, till Psmith, who had a sensitive ear, asked as a favour that these farm-yard imitations might cease until he was out of the room.
Mike woke up the next morning with a hazy memory of listening to a lot of jumbled conversation from Jellicoe, and a painfully clear recollection of giving him most of his money. The thought brought him down, but it seemed to make Jellicoe happy, as he hummed a cheerful tune while getting dressed, until Psmith, who had a keen ear, politely requested that these farmyard imitations stop until he was out of the room.
There were other things to make Mike low-spirited that morning. To begin with, he was in detention, which in itself is enough to spoil a day. It was a particularly fine day, which made the matter worse. In addition to this, he had never felt stiffer in his life. It seemed to him that the creaking of his joints as he walked must be audible to every one within a radius of several yards. Finally, there was the interview with Mr. Downing to come. That would probably be unpleasant. As Psmith had said, Mr. Downing was the sort of master who would be likely to make trouble. The great match had not been an ordinary match. Mr. Downing was a curious man in many ways, but he did not make a fuss on ordinary occasions when his bowling proved expensive. Yesterday’s performance, however, stood in a class by itself. It stood forth without disguise as a deliberate rag. One side does not keep another in the field the whole day in a one-day match except as a grisly kind of practical joke. And Mr. Downing and his house realised this. The house’s way of signifying its comprehension of the fact was to be cold and distant as far as the seniors were concerned, and abusive and pugnacious as regards the juniors. Young blood had been shed overnight, and more flowed during the eleven o’clock interval that morning to avenge the insult.
There were other things making Mike feel down that morning. First off, he was in detention, which is enough to ruin any day. It was a really nice day, which only made it worse. On top of that, he had never felt stiffer in his life. It seemed like the creaking of his joints as he walked could be heard by everyone within several yards. Finally, he had to face an interview with Mr. Downing, which would probably be unpleasant. As Psmith had mentioned, Mr. Downing was the kind of teacher who could stir up trouble. The big match hadn't been just any match. Mr. Downing was odd in many ways, but he usually didn't complain when his bowling was expensive. However, yesterday's performance was in a league of its own. It clearly felt like a deliberate joke. One team doesn't keep another in the field for the whole day in a one-day match unless it's some sort of cruel prank. And Mr. Downing and his house understood this. Their way of showing they got it was to be cold and distant with the seniors and aggressive and confrontational with the juniors. Young blood had been spilled overnight, and more flowed during the eleven o’clock break that morning to avenge the insult.
Mr. Downing’s methods of retaliation would have to be, of necessity, more elusive; but Mike did not doubt that in some way or other his form-master would endeavour to get a bit of his own back.
Mr. Downing’s ways of getting back at someone would have to be, by necessity, more subtle; but Mike was sure that somehow his teacher would try to get his revenge.
As events turned out, he was perfectly right. When a master has got his knife into a boy, especially a master who allows himself to be influenced by his likes and dislikes, he is inclined to single him out in times of stress, and savage him as if he were the official representative of the evildoers. Just as, at sea, the skipper, when he has trouble with the crew, works it off on the boy.
As it turned out, he was absolutely right. When a teacher is fixated on a student, especially one who lets personal feelings sway him, he tends to target that student during tough moments and attack him as if he were the spokesperson for all the wrongdoers. Just like at sea, when the captain has issues with the crew, he takes it out on the boy.
Mr. Downing was in a sarcastic mood when he met Mike. That is to say, he began in a sarcastic strain. But this sort of thing is difficult to keep up. By the time he had reached his peroration, the rapier had given place to the bludgeon. For sarcasm to be effective, the user of it must be met half-way. His hearer must appear to be conscious of the sarcasm and moved by it. Mike, when masters waxed sarcastic towards him, always assumed an air of stolid stupidity, which was as a suit of mail against satire.
Mr. Downing was feeling sarcastic when he met Mike. In other words, he started off with a sarcastic tone. But keeping that up is tough. By the time he finished his speech, his sharp wit had turned into something more clumsy. For sarcasm to work, the person using it needs their listener to engage with it. The listener needs to seem aware of the sarcasm and affected by it. Mike, when teachers got sarcastic with him, always put on a look of blank cluelessness, which acted like armor against their jabs.
So Mr. Downing came down from the heights with a run, and began to express himself with a simple strength which it did his form good to listen to. Veterans who had been in the form for terms said afterwards that there had been nothing to touch it, in their experience of the orator, since the glorious day when Dunster, that prince of raggers, who had left at Christmas to go to a crammer’s, had introduced three lively grass-snakes into the room during a Latin lesson.
So Mr. Downing came down from the heights and started speaking with a straightforward strength that was refreshing to hear. Students who had been in the class for years later said that nothing compared to it in their experience of the speaker since that memorable day when Dunster, that king of troublemakers, who had left at Christmas to go to a prep school, had brought three lively grass-snakes into the room during a Latin lesson.
“You are surrounded,” concluded Mr. Downing, snapping his pencil in two in his emotion, “by an impenetrable mass of conceit and vanity and selfishness. It does not occur to you to admit your capabilities as a cricketer in an open, straightforward way and place them at the disposal of the school. No, that would not be dramatic enough for you. It would be too commonplace altogether. Far too commonplace!” Mr. Downing laughed bitterly. “No, you must conceal your capabilities. You must act a lie. You must—who is that shuffling his feet? I will not have it, I will have silence—you must hang back in order to make a more effective entrance, like some wretched actor who—I will not have this shuffling. I have spoken of this before. Macpherson, are you shuffling your feet?”
“You're surrounded,” concluded Mr. Downing, snapping his pencil in half out of frustration. “by an impenetrable mass of arrogance, vanity, and selfishness. It doesn’t even cross your mind to openly admit your skills as a cricketer and offer them to the school. No, that wouldn’t be dramatic enough for you. It would be way too ordinary, way too ordinary!” Mr. Downing laughed bitterly. “No, you have to hide your talents. You have to act like someone you’re not. You must—who’s that shuffling their feet? I won’t have it, I will have silence—you have to hold back to make a more impactful entrance, like some pathetic actor who—I will not tolerate this shuffling. I've mentioned this before. Macpherson, are you shuffling your feet?”
“Sir, no, sir.”
“Sir, no.”
“Please, sir.”
"Excuse me, sir."
“Well, Parsons?”
"What's up, Parsons?"
“I think it’s the noise of the draught under the door, sir.”
"I think it's the sound of the draft under the door, sir."
Instant departure of Parsons for the outer regions. And, in the excitement of this side-issue, the speaker lost his inspiration, and abruptly concluded his remarks by putting Mike on to translate in Cicero. Which Mike, who happened to have prepared the first half-page, did with much success.
Instant departure of Parsons for the outer regions. And, in the excitement of this side issue, the speaker lost his momentum and abruptly wrapped up his comments by asking Mike to translate into Cicero. Mike, who happened to have prepared the first half-page, did so with great success.
The Old Boys’ match was timed to begin shortly after eleven o’clock. During the interval most of the school walked across the field to look at the pitch. One or two of the Old Boys had already changed and were practising in front of the pavilion.
The Old Boys' match was set to start just after eleven o'clock. During the break, most of the school walked across the field to check out the pitch. A couple of the Old Boys had already changed and were practicing in front of the pavilion.
It was through one of these batsmen that an accident occurred which had a good deal of influence on Mike’s affairs.
It was through one of these batters that an accident happened that had a significant impact on Mike’s situation.
Mike had strolled out by himself. Half-way across the field Jellicoe joined him. Jellicoe was cheerful, and rather embarrassingly grateful. He was just in the middle of his harangue when the accident happened.
Mike had walked out on his own. Halfway across the field, Jellicoe caught up with him. Jellicoe was upbeat and somewhat awkwardly thankful. He was right in the middle of his speech when the accident occurred.
To their left, as they crossed the field, a long youth, with the faint beginnings of a moustache and a blazer that lit up the surrounding landscape like a glowing beacon, was lashing out recklessly at a friend’s bowling. Already he had gone within an ace of slaying a small boy. As Mike and Jellicoe proceeded on their way, there was a shout of “Heads!”
To their left, as they crossed the field, a tall teenager with the faint start of a mustache and a blazer that brightened the landscape like a glowing beacon was swinging wildly at a friend's bowling. He had already come close to hitting a small boy. As Mike and Jellicoe continued on their way, someone shouted, “Heads!”
The almost universal habit of batsmen of shouting “Heads!” at whatever height from the ground the ball may be, is not a little confusing. The average person, on hearing the shout, puts his hands over his skull, crouches down and trusts to luck. This is an excellent plan if the ball is falling, but is not much protection against a skimming drive along the ground.
The nearly universal habit of batsmen shouting “Heads!” no matter how high the ball is off the ground can be pretty confusing. Most people, upon hearing the shout, cover their heads, crouch down, and hope for the best. This works well if the ball is coming down, but it doesn’t offer much protection against a ball that’s skimming along the ground.
When “Heads!” was called on the present occasion, Mike and Jellicoe instantly assumed the crouching attitude.
When “Heads!” was called this time, Mike and Jellicoe immediately took a crouching position.
Jellicoe was the first to abandon it. He uttered a yell and sprang into the air. After which he sat down and began to nurse his ankle.
Jellicoe was the first to let it go. He shouted and jumped into the air. After that, he sat down and started to tend to his ankle.
The bright-blazered youth walked up.
The brightly dressed youth walked up.
“Awfully sorry, you know, man. Hurt?”
“Sorry about that, man. Are you hurt?”
Jellicoe was pressing the injured spot tenderly with his finger-tips, uttering sharp howls whenever, zeal outrunning discretion, he prodded himself too energetically.
Jellicoe was lightly pressing the injured area with his fingertips, letting out loud howls whenever, in his eagerness, he poked himself a bit too hard.
“Silly ass, Dunster,” he groaned, “slamming about like that.”
“Silly ass, Dunster,” he groaned, “banging around like that.”
“Awfully sorry. But I did yell.”
“I'm really sorry. But I did yell.”
“It’s swelling up rather,” said Mike. “You’d better get over to the house and have it looked at. Can you walk?”
“It’s swelling up quite a bit,” said Mike. “You should head over to the house and get it checked out. Can you walk?”
Jellicoe tried, but sat down again with a loud “Ow!” At that moment the bell rang.
Jellicoe tried, but sat back down with a loud “Ouch!” At that moment, the bell rang.
“I shall have to be going in,” said Mike, “or I’d have helped you over.”
“I need to head inside,” said Mike, “or I would have helped you out.”
“I’ll give you a hand,” said Dunster.
"I'll help you out," said Dunster.
He helped the sufferer to his feet and they staggered off together, Jellicoe hopping, Dunster advancing with a sort of polka step. Mike watched them start and then turned to go in.
He helped the person in pain to their feet, and they staggered off together, Jellicoe hopping and Dunster moving with a sort of polka step. Mike watched them leave and then turned to go inside.
CHAPTER XLIII
MIKE RECEIVES A COMMISSION
There is only one thing to be said in favour of detention on a fine summer’s afternoon, and that is that it is very pleasant to come out of. The sun never seems so bright or the turf so green as during the first five minutes after one has come out of the detention-room. One feels as if one were entering a new and very delightful world. There is also a touch of the Rip van Winkle feeling. Everything seems to have gone on and left one behind. Mike, as he walked to the cricket field, felt very much behind the times.
There’s only one good thing about being in detention on a nice summer afternoon, and that’s how great it feels to leave it. The sun seems brighter and the grass looks greener than ever during those first few moments after stepping out of the detention room. It feels like you’re entering a fresh and wonderful world. There’s also a bit of that Rip van Winkle vibe, like everything has moved on without you. As Mike walked to the cricket field, he felt really out of touch.
Arriving on the field he found the Old Boys batting. He stopped and watched an over of Adair’s. The fifth ball bowled a man. Mike made his way towards the pavilion.
Arriving on the field, he saw the Old Boys batting. He paused to watch an over from Adair. The fifth ball got a man out. Mike walked toward the pavilion.
Before he got there he heard his name called, and turning, found Psmith seated under a tree with the bright-blazered Dunster.
Before he arrived, he heard someone call his name. Turning around, he found Psmith sitting under a tree with the brightly dressed Dunster.
“Return of the exile,” said Psmith. “A joyful occasion tinged with melancholy. Have a cherry?—take one or two. These little acts of unremembered kindness are what one needs after a couple of hours in extra pupil-room. Restore your tissues, Comrade Jackson, and when you have finished those, apply again.”
“Return of the exile,” said Psmith. “A happy occasion mixed with a bit of sadness. Have a cherry?—take one or two. These small acts of forgotten kindness are just what you need after a couple of hours in extra pupil-room. Restore your energy, Comrade Jackson, and when you’re done with those, come back for more.”
“Is your name Jackson?” inquired Dunster, “because Jellicoe wants to see you.”
“Is your name Jackson?” Dunster asked, “because Jellicoe wants to see you.”
“Alas, poor Jellicoe!” said Psmith. “He is now prone on his bed in the dormitory—there a sheer hulk lies poor Tom Jellicoe, the darling of the crew, faithful below he did his duty, but Comrade Dunster has broached him to. I have just been hearing the melancholy details.”
“Alas, poor Jellicoe!” said Psmith. “He is now lying on his bed in the dormitory—there a hefty figure lies, poor Tom Jellicoe, the favorite of the group, who did his duty faithfully below, but Comrade Dunster has gotten to him. I’ve just been hearing the sad details.”
“Old Smith and I,” said Dunster, “were at a private school together. I’d no idea I should find him here.”
“Old Smith and I,” said Dunster, “went to the same private school. I had no idea I’d run into him here.”
“It was a wonderfully stirring sight when we met,” said Psmith; “not unlike the meeting of Ulysses and the hound Argos, of whom you have doubtless read in the course of your dabblings in the classics. I was Ulysses; Dunster gave a life-like representation of the faithful dawg.”
“It was an incredibly emotional sight when we met,” said Psmith; “not unlike the reunion of Ulysses and his dog Argos, which you’ve probably come across in your explorations of the classics. I was Ulysses; Dunster really brought the faithful dog to life.”
“You still jaw as much as ever, I notice,” said the animal delineator, fondling the beginnings of his moustache.
“You’re still talking just as much as always, I see,” said the animal illustrator, playing with the ends of his moustache.
“More,” sighed Psmith, “more. Is anything irritating you?” he added, eyeing the other’s manoeuvres with interest.
“More,” sighed Psmith, “more. Is anything bothering you?” he added, watching the other’s moves with interest.
“You needn’t be a funny ass, man,” said Dunster, pained; “heaps of people tell me I ought to have it waxed.”
“You don’t have to be a jerk, man,” said Dunster, hurt; “a lot of people tell me I should get it waxed.”
“What it really wants is top-dressing with guano. Hullo! another man out. Adair’s bowling better to-day than he did yesterday.”
“What it really wants is some guano for top-dressing. Hey! Another guy is out. Adair is bowling better today than he was yesterday.”
“I heard about yesterday,” said Dunster. “It must have been a rag! Couldn’t we work off some other rag on somebody before I go? I shall be stopping here till Monday in the village. Well hit, sir—Adair’s bowling is perfectly simple if you go out to it.”
“I heard about yesterday,” said Dunster. “It must have been a real mess! Couldn’t we play a prank on someone else before I leave? I’ll be here in the village until Monday. Nice shot, sir—Adair’s bowling is really straightforward if you go at it.”
“Comrade Dunster went out to it first ball,” said Psmith to Mike.
“Comrade Dunster went out to his first ball,” Psmith said to Mike.
“Oh! chuck it, man; the sun was in my eyes. I hear Adair’s got a match on with the M.C.C. at last.”
“Oh! Forget it, man; the sun was in my eyes. I heard Adair finally has a match with the M.C.C.”
“Has he?” said Psmith; “I hadn’t heard. Archaeology claims so much of my time that I have little leisure for listening to cricket chit-chat.”
“Has he?” Psmith said; “I hadn’t heard. Archaeology takes up so much of my time that I have little free time to listen to cricket talk.”
“What was it Jellicoe wanted?” asked Mike; “was it anything important?”
“What did Jellicoe want?” asked Mike. “Was it something important?”
“He seemed to think so—he kept telling me to tell you to go and see him.”
“He seemed to think so—he kept telling me to tell you to go see him.”
“I fear Comrade Jellicoe is a bit of a weak-minded blitherer——”
“I worry that Comrade Jellicoe is a bit of a weak-minded blabbermouth——”
“Did you ever hear of a rag we worked off on Jellicoe once?” asked Dunster. “The man has absolutely no sense of humour—can’t see when he’s being rotted. Well it was like this—Hullo! We’re all out—I shall have to be going out to field again, I suppose, dash it! I’ll tell you when I see you again.”
“Have you ever heard about a trick we pulled on Jellicoe once?” Dunster asked. “The guy has no sense of humor—can’t tell when he’s being mocked. So, it went like this—Hey! We’re all out—I guess I’ll have to head back out to the field again, darn it! I’ll fill you in when I see you next.”
“I shall count the minutes,” said Psmith.
“I'll count the minutes,” said Psmith.
Mike stretched himself; the sun was very soothing after his two hours in the detention-room; he felt disinclined for exertion.
Mike stretched out; the sun felt really nice after spending two hours in detention; he didn’t feel like putting in any effort.
“I don’t suppose it’s anything special about Jellicoe, do you?” he said. “I mean, it’ll keep till tea-time; it’s no catch having to sweat across to the house now.”
“I don’t think there's anything special about Jellicoe, is there?” he said. “I mean, it can wait until tea time; no big deal having to walk over to the house now.”
“Don’t dream of moving,” said Psmith. “I have several rather profound observations on life to make and I can’t make them without an audience. Soliloquy is a knack. Hamlet had got it, but probably only after years of patient practice. Personally, I need some one to listen when I talk. I like to feel that I am doing good. You stay where you are—don’t interrupt too much.”
“Don’t even think about moving,” said Psmith. “I have a few pretty deep thoughts about life that I want to share, and I can’t do that without someone to listen. Talking to myself is a skill. Hamlet had it, but probably only after years of practice. Personally, I need someone to hear me when I speak. I like to feel like I’m making a difference. Just stay where you are—try not to interrupt too much.”
Mike tilted his hat over his eyes and abandoned Jellicoe.
Mike tipped his hat down over his eyes and left Jellicoe.
It was not until the lock-up bell rang that he remembered him. He went over to the house and made his way to the dormitory, where he found the injured one in a parlous state, not so much physical as mental. The doctor had seen his ankle and reported that it would be on the active list in a couple of days. It was Jellicoe’s mind that needed attention now.
It wasn't until the lock-up bell rang that he thought of him. He went over to the house and headed to the dormitory, where he found the injured person in a bad state, more mental than physical. The doctor had checked his ankle and said it would be okay in a couple of days. It was Jellicoe's mind that needed help now.
Mike found him in a condition bordering on collapse.
Mike found him on the verge of collapsing.
“I say, you might have come before!” said Jellicoe.
“I mean, you could have shown up earlier!” said Jellicoe.
“What’s up? I didn’t know there was such a hurry about it—what did you want?”
“What’s going on? I didn’t realize it was such a rush—what did you need?”
“It’s no good now,” said Jellicoe gloomily; “it’s too late, I shall get sacked.”
“It’s not worth it now,” said Jellicoe gloomily; “it’s too late, I’m going to get fired.”
“What on earth are you talking about? What’s the row?”
“What on earth are you talking about? What’s the commotion?”
“It’s about that money.”
"It’s all about the money."
“What about it?”
"What’s up with that?"
“I had to pay it to a man to-day, or he said he’d write to the Head—then of course I should get sacked. I was going to take the money to him this afternoon, only I got crocked, so I couldn’t move. I wanted to get hold of you to ask you to take it for me—it’s too late now!”
“I had to pay a guy today, or he said he’d tell the boss—which would definitely get me fired. I was planning to take the money to him this afternoon, but I got wasted, so I couldn’t move. I wanted to reach out to you to ask you to take it for me—it’s too late now!”
Mike’s face fell. “Oh, hang it!” he said, “I’m awfully sorry. I’d no idea it was anything like that—what a fool I was! Dunster did say he thought it was something important, only like an ass I thought it would do if I came over at lock-up.”
Mike's expression changed. "Oh, come on!" he said. "I'm really sorry. I had no idea it was anything like that—what an idiot I was! Dunster did mention he thought it was something important, but like a fool, I thought it would be fine if I came over at closing time."
“It doesn’t matter,” said Jellicoe miserably; “it can’t be helped.”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Jellicoe sadly; “there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“Yes, it can,” said Mike. “I know what I’ll do—it’s all right. I’ll get out of the house after lights-out.”
“Yes, it can,” Mike said. “I know what I’ll do—it’s fine. I’ll sneak out of the house after lights out.”
Jellicoe sat up. “You can’t! You’d get sacked if you were caught.”
Jellicoe sat up. “You can't! You'd get fired if you were caught.”
“Who would catch me? There was a chap at Wrykyn I knew who used to break out every night nearly and go and pot at cats with an air-pistol; it’s as easy as anything.”
“Who would catch me? There was a guy at Wrykyn I knew who used to sneak out almost every night and shoot at cats with a BB gun; it’s super easy.”
The toad-under-the-harrow expression began to fade from Jellicoe’s face. “I say, do you think you could, really?”
The toad-under-the-harrow expression started to disappear from Jellicoe’s face. “I mean, do you think you could actually do that?”
“Of course I can! It’ll be rather a rag.”
“Of course I can! It’ll be quite a mess.”
“I say, it’s frightfully decent of you.”
“I have to say, it’s really kind of you.”
“What absolute rot!”
“What utter nonsense!”
“But, look here, are you certain——”
“But, look, are you certain——”
“I shall be all right. Where do you want me to go?”
“I'll be fine. Where do you want me to go?”
“It’s a place about a mile or two from here, called Lower Borlock.”
“It’s a spot about a mile or two from here, called Lower Borlock.”
“Lower Borlock?”
"Lower Borlock?"
“Yes, do you know it?”
“Yes, do you know it?”
“Rather! I’ve been playing cricket for them all the term.”
“Actually! I’ve been playing cricket for them all term.”
“I say, have you? Do you know a man called Barley?”
“I’m asking, have you? Do you know a guy named Barley?”
“Barley? Rather—he runs the ‘White Boar’.”
“Barley? Actually, he runs the ‘White Boar.’”
“He’s the chap I owe the money to.”
"He's the guy I owe the money to."
“Old Barley!”
“Old Barley!”
Mike knew the landlord of the “White Boar” well; he was the wag of the village team. Every village team, for some mysterious reason, has its comic man. In the Lower Borlock eleven Mr. Barley filled the post. He was a large, stout man, with a red and cheerful face, who looked exactly like the jovial inn-keeper of melodrama. He was the last man Mike would have expected to do the “money by Monday-week or I write to the headmaster” business.
Mike knew the landlord of the “White Boar” well; he was the jokester of the village team. Every village team, for some mysterious reason, has its comic guy. In the Lower Borlock eleven, Mr. Barley held that role. He was a big, heavyset man with a red and cheerful face, looking just like the jolly innkeeper from a melodrama. He was the last person Mike would have expected to pull the “money by next Monday or I’ll write to the headmaster” stunt.
But he reflected that he had only seen him in his leisure moments, when he might naturally be expected to unbend and be full of the milk of human kindness. Probably in business hours he was quite different. After all, pleasure is one thing and business another.
But he realized that he had only seen him during his downtime, when he would naturally be expected to relax and be warm-hearted. He was likely very different during work hours. After all, pleasure and business are two separate things.
Besides, five pounds is a large sum of money, and if Jellicoe owed it, there was nothing strange in Mr. Barley’s doing everything he could to recover it.
Besides, five pounds is a lot of money, and if Jellicoe owed it, there was nothing unusual about Mr. Barley doing everything he could to get it back.
He wondered a little what Jellicoe could have been doing to run up a bill as big as that, but it did not occur to him to ask, which was unfortunate, as it might have saved him a good deal of inconvenience. It seemed to him that it was none of his business to inquire into Jellicoe’s private affairs. He took the envelope containing the money without question.
He was a bit curious about what Jellicoe could have been doing to rack up such a big bill, but it didn't cross his mind to ask, which was unfortunate because it could have saved him a lot of hassle. He thought it wasn't his place to pry into Jellicoe's personal matters. He accepted the envelope with the money without any questions.
“I shall bike there, I think,” he said, “if I can get into the shed.”
“I'll bike there, I think,” he said, “if I can get into the shed.”
The school’s bicycles were stored in a shed by the pavilion.
The school's bicycles were kept in a shed next to the pavilion.
“You can manage that,” said Jellicoe; “it’s locked up at night, but I had a key made to fit it last summer, because I used to go out in the early morning sometimes before it was opened.”
“You can handle that,” said Jellicoe; “it’s locked up at night, but I had a key made to fit it last summer because I used to go out in the early morning sometimes before it opened.”
“Got it on you?”
"Do you have it?"
“Smith’s got it.”
"Smith has it."
“I’ll get it from him.”
"I'll grab it from him."
“I say!”
“Wow!”
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“Don’t tell Smith why you want it, will you? I don’t want anybody to know—if a thing once starts getting about it’s all over the place in no time.”
“Don’t tell Smith why you want it, okay? I don’t want anyone to know—if something starts to spread around, it’ll be everywhere in no time.”
“All right, I won’t tell him.”
“All right, I won't tell him.”
“I say, thanks most awfully! I don’t know what I should have done, I——”
“I really appreciate it! I don’t know what I would have done, I——”
“Oh, chuck it!” said Mike.
“Oh, forget it!” said Mike.
CHAPTER XLIV
AND FULFILS IT
Mike started on his ride to Lower Borlock with mixed feelings. It is pleasant to be out on a fine night in summer, but the pleasure is to a certain extent modified when one feels that to be detected will mean expulsion.
Mike began his ride to Lower Borlock with mixed emotions. It’s nice to be out on a lovely summer night, but the enjoyment is somewhat dampened by the fear of being caught, which would mean getting kicked out.
Mike did not want to be expelled, for many reasons. Now that he had grown used to the place he was enjoying himself at Sedleigh to a certain extent. He still harboured a feeling of resentment against the school in general and Adair in particular, but it was pleasant in Outwood’s now that he had got to know some of the members of the house, and he liked playing cricket for Lower Borlock; also, he was fairly certain that his father would not let him go to Cambridge if he were expelled from Sedleigh. Mr. Jackson was easy-going with his family, but occasionally his foot came down like a steam-hammer, as witness the Wrykyn school report affair.
Mike didn’t want to be kicked out for a lot of reasons. Now that he had settled in, he was actually enjoying his time at Sedleigh to some degree. He still felt some resentment towards the school as a whole and Adair in particular, but Outwood's was nice now that he had gotten to know some of the house members. He also enjoyed playing cricket for Lower Borlock. Plus, he was pretty sure his dad wouldn’t let him go to Cambridge if he got expelled from Sedleigh. Mr. Jackson was generally easy-going with his family, but sometimes he laid down the law, like with the Wrykyn school report incident.
So Mike pedalled along rapidly, being wishful to get the job done without delay.
So Mike pedaled quickly, eager to finish the job without wasting any time.
Psmith had yielded up the key, but his inquiries as to why it was needed had been embarrassing. Mike’s statement that he wanted to get up early and have a ride had been received by Psmith, with whom early rising was not a hobby, with honest amazement and a flood of advice and warning on the subject.
Psmith had given up the key, but his questions about why it was needed had been awkward. Mike’s comment that he wanted to wake up early and go for a ride had been met by Psmith, who wasn’t a fan of early mornings, with genuine surprise and a lot of advice and caution on the topic.
“One of the Georges,” said Psmith, “I forget which, once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep a day—I cannot recall for the moment how many—made a man something, which for the time being has slipped my memory. However, there you are. I’ve given you the main idea of the thing; and a German doctor says that early rising causes insanity. Still, if you’re bent on it——” After which he had handed over the key.
“One of the Georges,” said Psmith, “I can’t remember which one, once said that a certain number of hours of sleep a day—I can’t recall how many at the moment—makes a man something, which has slipped my mind for now. Anyway, there you go. I’ve given you the main idea; and a German doctor claims that waking up early leads to madness. Still, if you’re determined to do it——” After which he handed over the key.
Mike wished he could have taken Psmith into his confidence. Probably he would have volunteered to come, too; Mike would have been glad of a companion.
Mike wished he could have confided in Psmith. He probably would have offered to come along, and Mike would have been happy to have a companion.
It did not take him long to reach Lower Borlock. The “White Boar” stood at the far end of the village, by the cricket field. He rode past the church—standing out black and mysterious against the light sky—and the rows of silent cottages, until he came to the inn.
It didn't take him long to get to Lower Borlock. The “White Boar” was at the far end of the village, next to the cricket field. He rode past the church—black and mysterious against the bright sky—and the rows of quiet cottages until he arrived at the inn.
The place was shut, of course, and all the lights were out—it was some time past eleven.
The place was closed, obviously, and all the lights were off—it was well past eleven.
The advantage an inn has over a private house, from the point of view of the person who wants to get into it when it has been locked up, is that a nocturnal visit is not so unexpected in the case of the former. Preparations have been made to meet such an emergency. Where with a private house you would probably have to wander round heaving rocks and end by climbing up a water-spout, when you want to get into an inn you simply ring the night-bell, which, communicating with the boots’ room, has that hard-worked menial up and doing in no time.
The benefit of an inn compared to a private house, when it comes to someone wanting to enter after it has been locked up, is that a late-night visit is much less surprising for the inn. They've gotten ready for such situations. While at a private house you might have to struggle around lifting rocks and eventually climb up a drainpipe, at an inn you just ring the night bell, which connects to the staff room and gets the hardworking attendant up and on their feet in no time.
After Mike had waited for a few minutes there was a rattling of chains and a shooting of bolts and the door opened.
After Mike had waited for a few minutes, there was a rattling of chains and a slide of bolts, and the door opened.
“Yes, sir?” said the boots, appearing in his shirt-sleeves. “Why, ’ullo! Mr. Jackson, sir!”
“Yes, sir?” said the boots, appearing in his shirt sleeves. “Well, hello! Mr. Jackson, sir!”
Mike was well known to all dwellers in Lower Borlock, his scores being the chief topic of conversation when the day’s labours were over.
Mike was well known to everyone in Lower Borlock, and his scores were the main topic of conversation when the day's work was done.
“I want to see Mr. Barley, Jack.”
“I want to see Mr. Barley, Jack.”
“He’s bin in bed this half-hour back, Mr. Jackson.”
“He's been in bed for the last half hour, Mr. Jackson.”
“I must see him. Can you get him down?”
“I need to see him. Can you bring him down?”
The boots looked doubtful. “Roust the guv’nor outer bed?” he said.
The boots looked unsure. “Should we wake the boss?” he said.
Mike quite admitted the gravity of the task. The landlord of the “White Boar” was one of those men who need a beauty sleep.
Mike fully acknowledged the seriousness of the task. The landlord of the "White Boar" was one of those guys who really needed his beauty sleep.
“I wish you would—it’s a thing that can’t wait. I’ve got some money to give to him.”
“I wish you would—it’s something that can’t wait. I’ve got some money to give to him.”
“Oh, if it’s that—” said the boots.
“Oh, if it’s that—” said the boots.
Five minutes later mine host appeared in person, looking more than usually portly in a check dressing-gown and red bedroom slippers of the Dreadnought type.
Five minutes later, the host showed up in person, looking even more portly than usual in a checkered dressing gown and red bedroom slippers of the Dreadnought style.
“You can pop off, Jack.”
"You can go off, Jack."
Exit boots to his slumbers once more.
Exit boots to his slumbers once more.
“Well, Mr. Jackson, what’s it all about?”
“Well, Mr. Jackson, what’s this all about?”
“Jellicoe asked me to come and bring you the money.”
“Jellicoe asked me to come and bring you the money.”
“The money? What money?”
"Money? What money?"
“What he owes you; the five pounds, of course.”
“What he owes you; the five pounds, obviously.”
“The five—” Mr. Barley stared open-mouthed at Mike for a moment; then he broke into a roar of laughter which shook the sporting prints on the wall and drew barks from dogs in some distant part of the house. He staggered about laughing and coughing till Mike began to expect a fit of some kind. Then he collapsed into a chair, which creaked under him, and wiped his eyes.
“The five—” Mr. Barley stared at Mike, mouth agape, for a moment; then he burst into a loud laugh that rattled the sports prints on the wall and caused dogs to bark from somewhere far off in the house. He stumbled around, laughing and coughing, until Mike started to worry he might have a fit. Then he dropped into a chair, which groaned under him, and wiped his eyes.
“Oh dear!” he said, “oh dear! the five pounds!”
“Oh no!” he said, “oh no! the five pounds!”
Mike was not always abreast of the rustic idea of humour, and now he felt particularly fogged. For the life of him he could not see what there was to amuse any one so much in the fact that a person who owed five pounds was ready to pay it back. It was an occasion for rejoicing, perhaps, but rather for a solemn, thankful, eyes-raised-to-heaven kind of rejoicing.
Mike didn't always get the down-to-earth sense of humor, and right now he felt really confused. For the life of him, he couldn't understand what was so funny about someone who owed five pounds being ready to pay it back. It might have been a reason to celebrate, but more like a serious, grateful, looking-up-to-the-sky kind of celebration.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“What's up?” he asked.
“Five pounds!”
“Five bucks!”
“You might tell us the joke.”
“You could share the joke with us.”
Mr. Barley opened the letter, read it, and had another attack; when this was finished he handed the letter to Mike, who was waiting patiently by, hoping for light, and requested him to read it.
Mr. Barley opened the letter, read it, and had another episode; when this was over, he handed the letter to Mike, who was waiting patiently nearby, hoping for some clarity, and asked him to read it.
“Dear, dear!” chuckled Mr. Barley, “five pounds! They may teach you young gentlemen to talk Latin and Greek and what not at your school, but it ’ud do a lot more good if they’d teach you how many beans make five; it ’ud do a lot more good if they’d teach you to come in when it rained, it ’ud do——”
“Wow!” laughed Mr. Barley, “five pounds! They might teach you young guys to speak Latin and Greek and all that at your school, but it would be way more useful if they taught you how many beans make five; it would be a lot more helpful if they showed you how to come in when it rains, it would—”
Mike was reading the letter.
Mike was reading the letter.
“DEAR MR. BARLEY,” it ran.—“I send the £5, which I could not get before. I hope it is in time, because I don’t want you to write to the headmaster. I am sorry Jane and John ate your wife’s hat and the chicken and broke the vase.”
“DEAR MR. BARLEY,” it ran.—“I’m sending the £5 that I couldn’t get earlier. I hope it arrives in time because I don’t want you to contact the headmaster. I’m sorry that Jane and John ate your wife’s hat and the chicken and broke the vase.”
There was some more to the same effect; it was signed “T. G. Jellicoe.”
There was a bit more of the same thing; it was signed “T. G. Jellicoe.”
“What on earth’s it all about?” said Mike, finishing this curious document.
“What on earth is this all about?” said Mike, finishing this strange document.
Mr. Barley slapped his leg. “Why, Mr. Jellicoe keeps two dogs here; I keep ’em for him till the young gentlemen go home for their holidays. Aberdeen terriers, they are, and as sharp as mustard. Mischief! I believe you, but, love us! they don’t do no harm! Bite up an old shoe sometimes and such sort of things. The other day, last Wednesday it were, about ’ar parse five, Jane—she’s the worst of the two, always up to it, she is—she got hold of my old hat and had it in bits before you could say knife. John upset a china vase in one of the bedrooms chasing a mouse, and they got on the coffee-room table and ate half a cold chicken what had been left there. So I says to myself, ‘I’ll have a game with Mr. Jellicoe over this,’ and I sits down and writes off saying the little dogs have eaten a valuable hat and a chicken and what not, and the damage’ll be five pounds, and will he kindly remit same by Saturday night at the latest or I write to his headmaster. Love us!” Mr. Barley slapped his thigh, “he took it all in, every word—and here’s the five pounds in cash in this envelope here! I haven’t had such a laugh since we got old Tom Raxley out of bed at twelve of a winter’s night by telling him his house was a-fire.”
Mr. Barley slapped his leg. “Well, Mr. Jellicoe has two dogs here; I’m taking care of them until the young gentlemen go home for their holidays. They’re Aberdeen terriers, and as sharp as can be. Mischief! I believe you, but honestly, they don’t cause any real trouble! They might chew up an old shoe now and then, things like that. Just the other day, last Wednesday around half past five, Jane—she’s the more troublesome of the two, always getting into things—she got my old hat and shredded it before you could say ‘knife.’ John knocked over a china vase in one of the bedrooms while chasing a mouse, and they even jumped up on the coffee room table and devoured half a cold chicken that was left there. So I thought to myself, ‘I’ll have some fun with Mr. Jellicoe about this,’ so I sat down and wrote to him saying the little dogs had eaten a valuable hat and a chicken and such, and the total damage would be five pounds, and would he kindly send that by Saturday night at the latest or I’d contact his headmaster. Can you believe it?” Mr. Barley slapped his thigh, “he believed every word—and here’s the five pounds in cash in this envelope! I haven’t laughed this hard since we got old Tom Raxley out of bed at midnight on a winter’s night by telling him his house was on fire.”
It is not always easy to appreciate a joke of the practical order if one has been made even merely part victim of it. Mike, as he reflected that he had been dragged out of his house in the middle of the night, in contravention of all school rules and discipline, simply in order to satisfy Mr. Barley’s sense of humour, was more inclined to be abusive than mirthful. Running risks is all very well when they are necessary, or if one chooses to run them for one’s own amusement, but to be placed in a dangerous position, a position imperilling one’s chance of going to the ’Varsity, is another matter altogether.
It’s not always easy to appreciate a practical joke, especially when you’re one of its victims. Mike, as he thought about how he had been pulled out of his house in the middle of the night, breaking all school rules and discipline just to entertain Mr. Barley, felt more like lashing out than laughing. Taking risks is fine when they’re necessary or when you choose to take them for your own fun, but being put in a risky situation that jeopardizes your chance of going to college is a completely different issue.
But it is impossible to abuse the Barley type of man. Barley’s enjoyment of the whole thing was so honest and child-like. Probably it had given him the happiest quarter of an hour he had known for years, since, in fact, the affair of old Tom Raxley. It would have been cruel to damp the man.
But it's impossible to take advantage of a Barley type of guy. Barley's enjoyment of everything was so genuine and innocent. It was probably the happiest fifteen minutes he had experienced in years, ever since the incident with old Tom Raxley. It would have been unkind to ruin his mood.
So Mike laughed perfunctorily, took back the envelope with the five pounds, accepted a stone ginger beer and a plateful of biscuits, and rode off on his return journey.
So Mike chuckled half-heartedly, took back the envelope with the five pounds, accepted a stone ginger beer and a plate of biscuits, and rode off on his way back.
Mention has been made above of the difference which exists between getting into an inn after lock-up and into a private house. Mike was to find this out for himself.
Mention has been made above of the difference between getting into an inn after it closes and entering a private house. Mike was going to learn this for himself.
His first act on arriving at Sedleigh was to replace his bicycle in the shed. This he accomplished with success. It was pitch-dark in the shed, and as he wheeled his machine in, his foot touched something on the floor. Without waiting to discover what this might be, he leaned his bicycle against the wall, went out, and locked the door, after which he ran across to Outwood’s.
His first action upon arriving at Sedleigh was to put his bicycle back in the shed. He managed to do that without any issues. It was completely dark in the shed, and as he wheeled his bike inside, his foot bumped into something on the floor. Without checking what it was, he leaned his bicycle against the wall, went outside, locked the door, and then quickly headed over to Outwood’s.
Fortune had favoured his undertaking by decreeing that a stout drain-pipe should pass up the wall within a few inches of his and Psmith’s study. On the first day of term, it may be remembered he had wrenched away the wooden bar which bisected the window-frame, thus rendering exit and entrance almost as simple as they had been for Wyatt during Mike’s first term at Wrykyn.
Fortune had smiled on his plan by ensuring that a sturdy drainpipe ran up the wall just a few inches from his and Psmith’s study. On the first day of term, as you may recall, he had pulled off the wooden bar that split the window frame, making it almost as easy to come and go as it had been for Wyatt during Mike’s first term at Wrykyn.
He proceeded to scale this water-pipe.
He climbed up this water pipe.
He had got about half-way up when a voice from somewhere below cried, “Who’s that?”
He was about halfway up when a voice from somewhere below shouted, “Who’s that?”
CHAPTER XLV
PURSUIT
These things are Life’s Little Difficulties. One can never tell precisely how one will act in a sudden emergency. The right thing for Mike to have done at this crisis was to have ignored the voice, carried on up the water-pipe, and through the study window, and gone to bed. It was extremely unlikely that anybody could have recognised him at night against the dark background of the house. The position then would have been that somebody in Mr. Outwood’s house had been seen breaking in after lights-out; but it would have been very difficult for the authorities to have narrowed the search down any further than that. There were thirty-four boys in Outwood’s, of whom about fourteen were much the same size and build as Mike.
These are Life's Little Difficulties. You can never really know how you'll react in an unexpected emergency. The best thing for Mike to have done in that moment was to ignore the voice, keep going up the water pipe, go through the study window, and head to bed. It was highly unlikely that anyone would have recognized him at night against the dark background of the house. The situation would have been that someone in Mr. Outwood's house was seen breaking in after the lights went out; but it would have been very hard for the authorities to narrow down the search beyond that. There were thirty-four boys at Outwood's, and about fourteen of them were similar in size and build to Mike.
The suddenness, however, of the call caused Mike to lose his head. He made the strategic error of sliding rapidly down the pipe, and running.
The suddenness of the call, however, made Mike lose his cool. He made the mistake of quickly sliding down the pipe and running.
There were two gates to Mr. Outwood’s front garden. The carriage drive ran in a semicircle, of which the house was the centre. It was from the right-hand gate, nearest to Mr. Downing’s house, that the voice had come, and, as Mike came to the ground, he saw a stout figure galloping towards him from that direction. He bolted like a rabbit for the other gate. As he did so, his pursuer again gave tongue.
There were two gates to Mr. Outwood’s front yard. The driveway curved in a semicircle, with the house at its center. It was from the right-hand gate, closest to Mr. Downing’s house, that the voice had come, and as Mike landed on the ground, he saw a hefty figure rushing toward him from that direction. He sprinted like a rabbit to the other gate. As he did, his pursuer shouted again.
“Oo-oo-oo yer!” was the exact remark.
“Oo-oo-oo yeah!” was the exact remark.
Whereby Mike recognised him as the school sergeant.
Where Mike recognized him as the school sergeant.
“Oo-oo-oo yer!” was that militant gentleman’s habitual way of beginning a conversation.
“Oo-oo-oo yeah!” was that assertive guy’s usual way of starting a conversation.
With this knowledge, Mike felt easier in his mind. Sergeant Collard was a man of many fine qualities, (notably a talent for what he was wont to call “spott’n,” a mysterious gift which he exercised on the rifle range), but he could not run. There had been a time in his hot youth when he had sprinted like an untamed mustang in pursuit of volatile Pathans in Indian hill wars, but Time, increasing his girth, had taken from him the taste for such exercise. When he moved now it was at a stately walk. The fact that he ran to-night showed how the excitement of the chase had entered into his blood.
With this knowledge, Mike felt more at ease. Sergeant Collard was a man with many great qualities, (especially a knack for what he liked to call “spott’n,” a mysterious talent he showcased on the rifle range), but he couldn't run. There was a time in his younger days when he sprinted like a wild mustang while chasing after unpredictable Pathans in the Indian hill wars, but Time, expanding his waistline, had taken away his enthusiasm for such activity. Now, when he moved, it was at a dignified pace. The fact that he ran tonight showed just how much the thrill of the chase had gotten into his blood.
“Oo-oo-oo yer!” he shouted again, as Mike, passing through the gate, turned into the road that led to the school. Mike’s attentive ear noted that the bright speech was a shade more puffily delivered this time. He began to feel that this was not such bad fun after all. He would have liked to be in bed, but, if that was out of the question, this was certainly the next best thing.
“Woo-hoo!” he shouted again as Mike, walking through the gate, turned onto the road that led to the school. Mike’s sharp ear noticed that the cheerful shout was delivered with a bit more exaggerated enthusiasm this time. He started to feel that this wasn’t so bad after all. He would have preferred to be in bed, but if that wasn’t an option, this was definitely the next best thing.
He ran on, taking things easily, with the sergeant panting in his wake, till he reached the entrance to the school grounds. He dashed in and took cover behind a tree.
He kept running, going at a relaxed pace, with the sergeant out of breath behind him, until he got to the entrance of the school grounds. He hurried in and hid behind a tree.
Presently the sergeant turned the corner, going badly and evidently cured of a good deal of the fever of the chase. Mike heard him toil on for a few yards and then stop. A sound of panting was borne to him.
Currently, the sergeant turned the corner, struggling and clearly recovering from much of the excitement of the chase. Mike heard him labor on for a few yards before stopping. A sound of heavy breathing reached him.
Then the sound of footsteps returning, this time at a walk. They passed the gate and went on down the road.
Then the sound of footsteps came back, this time at a steady pace. They passed through the gate and continued down the road.
The pursuer had given the thing up.
The pursuer had let it go.
Mike waited for several minutes behind his tree. His programme now was simple. He would give Sergeant Collard about half an hour, in case the latter took it into his head to “guard home” by waiting at the gate. Then he would trot softly back, shoot up the water-pipe once more, and so to bed. It had just struck a quarter to something—twelve, he supposed—on the school clock. He would wait till a quarter past.
Mike waited for several minutes behind his tree. His plan was simple. He would give Sergeant Collard about half an hour, just in case he decided to "guard home" by waiting at the gate. Then he would quietly head back, sneak up the water pipe again, and go to bed. The school clock had just struck a quarter to something—twelve, he figured. He would wait until a quarter past.
Meanwhile, there was nothing to be gained from lurking behind a tree. He left his cover, and started to stroll in the direction of the pavilion. Having arrived there, he sat on the steps, looking out on to the cricket field.
Meanwhile, there was no point in hiding behind a tree. He stepped out from his cover and started walking toward the pavilion. Once he got there, he sat on the steps, looking out at the cricket field.
His thoughts were miles away, at Wrykyn, when he was recalled to Sedleigh by the sound of somebody running. Focussing his gaze, he saw a dim figure moving rapidly across the cricket field straight for him.
His mind was far away, at Wrykyn, when he was brought back to Sedleigh by the sound of someone running. Focusing his gaze, he saw a shadowy figure quickly moving across the cricket field straight towards him.
His first impression, that he had been seen and followed, disappeared as the runner, instead of making for the pavilion, turned aside, and stopped at the door of the bicycle shed. Like Mike, he was evidently possessed of a key, for Mike heard it grate in the lock. At this point he left the pavilion and hailed his fellow rambler by night in a cautious undertone.
His first thought that he had been seen and followed faded away when the runner, instead of heading to the pavilion, veered off and stopped at the door of the bicycle shed. Like Mike, he clearly had a key, as Mike heard it scrape in the lock. At this moment, he left the pavilion and quietly called out to his fellow nightwalker in a low voice.
The other appeared startled.
The other looked surprised.
“Who the dickens is that?” he asked. “Is that you, Jackson?”
“Who the heck is that?” he asked. “Is that you, Jackson?”
Mike recognised Adair’s voice. The last person he would have expected to meet at midnight obviously on the point of going for a bicycle ride.
Mike recognized Adair's voice. The last person he would have expected to see at midnight, clearly about to go for a bike ride.
“What are you doing out here, Jackson?”
“What are you doing out here, Jackson?”
“What are you, if it comes to that?”
“What are you, if we get down to it?”
Adair was lighting his lamp.
Adair was turning on his lamp.
“I’m going for the doctor. One of the chaps in our house is bad.”
“I’m going to the doctor. One of the guys in our house is not doing well.”
“Oh!”
“Oh!”
“What are you doing out here?”
“What are you doing out here?”
“Just been for a stroll.”
“Just went for a walk.”
“Hadn’t you better be getting back?”
“Shouldn't you be going back?”
“Plenty of time.”
“Lots of time.”
“I suppose you think you’re doing something tremendously brave and dashing?”
“I guess you think you’re being really brave and bold?”
“Hadn’t you better be going to the doctor?”
“Shouldn’t you be heading to the doctor?”
“If you want to know what I think——”
“If you want to know what I think——”
“I don’t. So long.”
"Not interested. Goodbye."
Mike turned away, whistling between his teeth. After a moment’s pause, Adair rode off. Mike saw his light pass across the field and through the gate. The school clock struck the quarter.
Mike turned away, whistling through his teeth. After a brief pause, Adair rode off. Mike watched his light move across the field and through the gate. The school clock chimed the quarter hour.
It seemed to Mike that Sergeant Collard, even if he had started to wait for him at the house, would not keep up the vigil for more than half an hour. He would be safe now in trying for home again.
It looked to Mike like Sergeant Collard, even if he had begun waiting for him at the house, wouldn’t keep watching for more than half an hour. He would be safe in making his way home now.
He walked in that direction.
He walked that way.
Now it happened that Mr. Downing, aroused from his first sleep by the news, conveyed to him by Adair, that MacPhee, one of the junior members of Adair’s dormitory, was groaning and exhibiting other symptoms of acute illness, was disturbed in his mind. Most housemasters feel uneasy in the event of illness in their houses, and Mr. Downing was apt to get jumpy beyond the ordinary on such occasions. All that was wrong with MacPhee, as a matter of fact, was a very fair stomach-ache, the direct and legitimate result of eating six buns, half a cocoa-nut, three doughnuts, two ices, an apple, and a pound of cherries, and washing the lot down with tea. But Mr. Downing saw in his attack the beginnings of some deadly scourge which would sweep through and decimate the house. He had despatched Adair for the doctor, and, after spending a few minutes prowling restlessly about his room, was now standing at his front gate, waiting for Adair’s return.
Now, Mr. Downing was jolted awake by the news from Adair that MacPhee, one of the younger guys in Adair’s dorm, was groaning and showing other signs of serious illness, which left him feeling anxious. Most housemasters get uneasy when there’s sickness in their houses, and Mr. Downing tended to get more jumpy than usual in these situations. The truth was, MacPhee simply had a pretty bad stomachache, which was a direct and understandable result of eating six buns, half a coconut, three doughnuts, two ice creams, an apple, and a pound of cherries, all washed down with tea. But Mr. Downing feared this was the beginning of some deadly illness that would sweep through and take out the whole house. He had sent Adair to fetch the doctor and, after pacing restlessly in his room for a few minutes, was now standing at the front gate, waiting for Adair to come back.
It came about, therefore, that Mike, sprinting lightly in the direction of home and safety, had his already shaken nerves further maltreated by being hailed, at a range of about two yards, with a cry of “Is that you, Adair?” The next moment Mr. Downing emerged from his gate.
It happened that Mike, sprinting quickly toward home and safety, had his already frayed nerves further jangled by a shout from about two yards away, calling out, “Is that you, Adair?” The next moment, Mr. Downing stepped out from his gate.
Mike stood not upon the order of his going. He was off like an arrow—a flying figure of Guilt. Mr. Downing, after the first surprise, seemed to grasp the situation. Ejaculating at intervals the words, “Who is that? Stop! Who is that? Stop!” he dashed after the much-enduring Wrykynian at an extremely creditable rate of speed. Mr. Downing was by way of being a sprinter. He had won handicap events at College sports at Oxford, and, if Mike had not got such a good start, the race might have been over in the first fifty yards. As it was, that victim of Fate, going well, kept ahead. At the entrance to the school grounds he led by a dozen yards. The procession passed into the field, Mike heading as before for the pavilion.
Mike didn’t hesitate; he was off like a shot—an embodiment of guilt. Mr. Downing, after the initial shock, seemed to understand the situation. Shouting intermittently, “Who is that? Stop! Who is that? Stop!” he sprinted after the highly resilient Wrykynian at a surprisingly fast pace. Mr. Downing had a background in sprinting; he had won handicap events at college sports at Oxford, and if Mike hadn’t had such a strong lead, the race might have ended within the first fifty yards. As it was, that unfortunate victim of fate, running strong, stayed ahead. By the entrance to the school grounds, he was ahead by about a dozen yards. The group moved into the field, with Mike still heading toward the pavilion.
As they raced across the soft turf, an idea occurred to Mike which he was accustomed in after years to attribute to genius, the one flash of it which had ever illumined his life.
As they sprinted across the soft grass, an idea popped into Mike's head that he had come to think of as genius, the only moment of it that had ever brightened his life.
It was this.
It was like this.
One of Mr. Downing’s first acts, on starting the Fire Brigade at Sedleigh, had been to institute an alarm bell. It had been rubbed into the school officially—in speeches from the daïs—by the headmaster, and unofficially—in earnest private conversations—by Mr. Downing, that at the sound of this bell, at whatever hour of day or night, every member of the school must leave his house in the quickest possible way, and make for the open. The bell might mean that the school was on fire, or it might mean that one of the houses was on fire. In any case, the school had its orders—to get out into the open at once.
One of Mr. Downing’s first actions when he started the Fire Brigade at Sedleigh was to set up an alarm bell. The headmaster had emphasized this to the school officially—through speeches from the stage—and Mr. Downing had conveyed it unofficially—in serious private conversations—that at the sound of this bell, no matter the time of day or night, every student must leave their house as quickly as possible and head outside. The bell could signal that the school was on fire or that one of the houses was on fire. Regardless, the school had its instructions—to get out into the open immediately.
Nor must it be supposed that the school was without practice at this feat. Every now and then a notice would be found posted up on the board to the effect that there would be fire drill during the dinner hour that day. Sometimes the performance was bright and interesting, as on the occasion when Mr. Downing, marshalling the brigade at his front gate, had said, “My house is supposed to be on fire. Now let’s do a record!” which the Brigade, headed by Stone and Robinson, obligingly did. They fastened the hose to the hydrant, smashed a window on the ground floor (Mr. Downing having retired for a moment to talk with the headmaster), and poured a stream of water into the room. When Mr. Downing was at liberty to turn his attention to the matter, he found that the room selected was his private study, most of the light furniture of which was floating on a miniature lake. That episode had rather discouraged his passion for realism, and fire drill since then had taken the form, for the most part, of “practising escaping.” This was done by means of canvas shoots, kept in the dormitories. At the sound of the bell the prefect of the dormitory would heave one end of the shoot out of window, the other end being fastened to the sill. He would then go down it himself, using his elbows as a brake. Then the second man would follow his example, and these two, standing below, would hold the end of the shoot so that the rest of the dormitory could fly rapidly down it without injury, except to their digestions.
Nor should it be assumed that the school lacked experience with this routine. Every now and then, there would be a notice posted on the board announcing a fire drill during dinner hour that day. Sometimes, the execution was lively and engaging, like the time Mr. Downing, directing the team at his front gate, said, “My house is on fire. Now let’s set a record!” The Brigade, led by Stone and Robinson, eagerly complied. They connected the hose to the hydrant, broke a window on the ground floor (Mr. Downing had briefly stepped away to speak with the headmaster), and sprayed water into the room. When Mr. Downing was free to address the situation, he discovered that the room they chose was his private study, where most of the light furniture was now floating on a small lake. That incident somewhat dampened his enthusiasm for realism, and since then, fire drills mainly consisted of “practicing escapes.” This was done using canvas chutes kept in the dormitories. At the sound of the bell, the prefect of the dormitory would throw one end of the chute out of the window, anchoring the other end to the sill. He would then go down it himself, using his elbows to slow himself down. The second person would follow suit, and the two of them, standing below, would hold the end of the chute so that the rest of the dormitory could slide down safely, except for their stomachs.
After the first novelty of the thing had worn off, the school had taken a rooted dislike to fire drill. It was a matter for self-congratulation among them that Mr. Downing had never been able to induce the headmaster to allow the alarm bell to be sounded for fire drill at night. The headmaster, a man who had his views on the amount of sleep necessary for the growing boy, had drawn the line at night operations. “Sufficient unto the day” had been the gist of his reply. If the alarm bell were to ring at night when there was no fire, the school might mistake a genuine alarm of fire for a bogus one, and refuse to hurry themselves.
After the initial excitement wore off, the school developed a strong dislike for fire drills. They took pride in the fact that Mr. Downing had never been able to convince the headmaster to allow the alarm bell to ring for fire drills at night. The headmaster, a man who believed in the importance of sleep for growing boys, had drawn the line at nighttime drills. His response summed it up: “Sufficient unto the day.” If the alarm bell rang at night when there was no fire, the school might confuse a real fire alarm for a false one and not take it seriously.
So Mr. Downing had had to be content with day drill.
So Mr. Downing had to settle for day drill.
The alarm bell hung in the archway leading into the school grounds. The end of the rope, when not in use, was fastened to a hook half-way up the wall.
The alarm bell was hanging in the archway leading into the school grounds. The end of the rope, when it wasn't in use, was secured to a hook halfway up the wall.
Mike, as he raced over the cricket field, made up his mind in a flash that his only chance of getting out of this tangle was to shake his pursuer off for a space of time long enough to enable him to get to the rope and tug it. Then the school would come out. He would mix with them, and in the subsequent confusion get back to bed unnoticed.
Mike, running across the cricket field, quickly decided that his only way out of this mess was to lose his pursuer for a while so he could reach the rope and pull it. Then the school would come out. He would blend in with them and, amid the chaos, sneak back to bed without being seen.
The task was easier than it would have seemed at the beginning of the chase. Mr. Downing, owing to the two facts that he was not in the strictest training, and that it is only an Alfred Shrubb who can run for any length of time at top speed shouting “Who is that? Stop! Who is that? Stop!” was beginning to feel distressed. There were bellows to mend in the Downing camp. Mike perceived this, and forced the pace. He rounded the pavilion ten yards to the good. Then, heading for the gate, he put all he knew into one last sprint. Mr. Downing was not equal to the effort. He worked gamely for a few strides, then fell behind. When Mike reached the gate, a good forty yards separated them.
The task was easier than it seemed at the start of the chase. Mr. Downing, due to the two facts that he wasn’t in peak shape and that only someone like Alfred Shrubb can run at full speed for any length of time while shouting “Who is that? Stop! Who is that? Stop!” was beginning to feel overwhelmed. There were bellows to fix in the Downing camp. Mike noticed this and picked up the pace. He rounded the pavilion ten yards ahead. Then, heading for the gate, he gave it everything he had in one last sprint. Mr. Downing couldn’t match the effort. He strove hard for a few strides, then fell behind. When Mike reached the gate, there was a good forty yards between them.
As far as Mike could judge—he was not in a condition to make nice calculations—he had about four seconds in which to get busy with that bell rope.
As far as Mike could tell—he wasn't in a state to make precise calculations—he had about four seconds to start working with that bell rope.
Probably nobody has ever crammed more energetic work into four seconds than he did then.
Probably no one has ever packed more intense work into four seconds than he did then.
The night was as still as only an English summer night can be, and the first clang of the clapper sounded like a million iron girders falling from a height on to a sheet of tin. He tugged away furiously, with an eye on the now rapidly advancing and loudly shouting figure of the housemaster.
The night was as quiet as only an English summer night can be, and the first clang of the bell sounded like a million iron beams crashing down onto a sheet of tin. He pulled away vigorously, keeping an eye on the now quickly approaching and loudly shouting figure of the housemaster.
And from the darkened house beyond there came a gradually swelling hum, as if a vast hive of bees had been disturbed.
And from the darkened house beyond, there was a slowly growing hum, like a huge hive of bees had been stirred up.
The school was awake.
The school was alive.
CHAPTER XLVI
THE DECORATION OF SAMMY
Psmith leaned against the mantelpiece in the senior day-room at Outwood’s—since Mike’s innings against Downing’s the Lost Lambs had been received as brothers by that centre of disorder, so that even Spiller was compelled to look on the hatchet as buried—and gave his views on the events of the preceding night, or, rather, of that morning, for it was nearer one than twelve when peace had once more fallen on the school.
Psmith leaned against the mantelpiece in the senior day-room at Outwood’s—ever since Mike’s game against Downing’s, the Lost Lambs had been welcomed like brothers by that center of chaos, so much so that even Spiller had to see the conflict as resolved—and shared his thoughts on what happened the night before, or rather, that morning, since it was closer to one than twelve when peace had finally returned to the school.
“Nothing that happens in this luny-bin,” said Psmith, “has power to surprise me now. There was a time when I might have thought it a little unusual to have to leave the house through a canvas shoot at one o’clock in the morning, but I suppose it’s quite the regular thing here. Old school tradition, &c. Men leave the school, and find that they’ve got so accustomed to jumping out of window that they look on it as a sort of affectation to go out by the door. I suppose none of you merchants can give me any idea when the next knockabout entertainment of this kind is likely to take place?”
“Nothing that happens in this crazy place,” said Psmith, “can surprise me anymore. There was a time when I might have thought it a bit odd to have to leave the house through a canvas chute at one o’clock in the morning, but I guess it’s pretty normal here. Old school tradition, etc. Men leave the school, and they get so used to jumping out of windows that they see using the door as a bit of a pretentious move. I wonder if any of you business types can tell me when the next wild show like this is going to happen?”
“I wonder who rang that bell!” said Stone. “Jolly sporting idea.”
“I wonder who rang that bell!” said Stone. “What a fun idea.”
“I believe it was Downing himself. If it was, I hope he’s satisfied.”
“I think it was Downing himself. If it was, I hope he’s content.”
Jellicoe, who was appearing in society supported by a stick, looked meaningly at Mike, and giggled, receiving in answer a stony stare. Mike had informed Jellicoe of the details of his interview with Mr. Barley at the “White Boar,” and Jellicoe, after a momentary splutter of wrath against the practical joker, was now in a particularly light-hearted mood. He hobbled about, giggling at nothing and at peace with all the world.
Jellicoe, who was navigating society with a cane, shot a significant look at Mike and laughed quietly, only to be met with a cold glare in return. Mike had shared the details of his meeting with Mr. Barley at the "White Boar," and Jellicoe, after a brief outburst of anger at the prankster, was now in a particularly cheerful mood. He shuffled around, chuckling at nothing and feeling at ease with everyone.
“It was a stirring scene,” said Psmith. “The agility with which Comrade Jellicoe boosted himself down the shoot was a triumph of mind over matter. He seemed to forget his ankle. It was the nearest thing to a Boneless Acrobatic Wonder that I have ever seen.”
“It was an exciting scene,” said Psmith. “The way Comrade Jellicoe effortlessly slid down the shoot was a true victory of mind over matter. He seemed to totally ignore his ankle. It was the closest thing to a Boneless Acrobatic Wonder I’ve ever witnessed.”
“I was in a beastly funk, I can tell you.”
“I was in a terrible mood, I can tell you.”
Stone gurgled.
Stone gurgled.
“So was I,” he said, “for a bit. Then, when I saw that it was all a rag, I began to look about for ways of doing the thing really well. I emptied about six jugs of water on a gang of kids under my window.”
“Me too,” he said, “for a while. Then, when I realized it was all a joke, I started looking for ways to actually do it right. I poured about six jugs of water on a bunch of kids under my window.”
“I rushed into Downing’s, and ragged some of the beds,” said Robinson.
“I hurried into Downing’s and messed up some of the beds,” said Robinson.
“It was an invigorating time,” said Psmith. “A sort of pageant. I was particularly struck with the way some of the bright lads caught hold of the idea. There was no skimping. Some of the kids, to my certain knowledge, went down the shoot a dozen times. There’s nothing like doing a thing thoroughly. I saw them come down, rush upstairs, and be saved again, time after time. The thing became chronic with them. I should say Comrade Downing ought to be satisfied with the high state of efficiency to which he has brought us. At any rate I hope——”
“It was an exciting time,” said Psmith. “A kind of show. I was really impressed by how some of the enthusiastic kids embraced the idea. They didn’t hold back. Some of them, I know for sure, went down the slide a dozen times. There’s nothing like doing something thoroughly. I saw them come down, dash upstairs, and go again, again and again. It became a routine for them. I’d say Comrade Downing should be pleased with the high level of efficiency he has achieved with us. At least, I hope——”
There was a sound of hurried footsteps outside the door, and Sharpe, a member of the senior day-room, burst excitedly in. He seemed amused.
There was the sound of quick footsteps outside the door, and Sharpe, a member of the senior day room, rushed in excitedly. He seemed amused.
“I say, have you chaps seen Sammy?”
“I say, have you guys seen Sammy?”
“Seen who?” said Stone. “Sammy? Why?”
“Seen who?” asked Stone. “Sammy? Why?”
“You’ll know in a second. He’s just outside. Here, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy! Sam! Sam!”
“You’ll know in a second. He’s just outside. Here, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy! Sam! Sam!”
A bark and a patter of feet outside.
A bark and the sound of footsteps outside.
“Come on, Sammy. Good dog.”
"Come on, Sammy. Good boy."
There was a moment’s silence. Then a great yell of laughter burst forth. Even Psmith’s massive calm was shattered. As for Jellicoe, he sobbed in a corner.
There was a moment of silence. Then a loud burst of laughter erupted. Even Psmith’s usual calm was disrupted. As for Jellicoe, he was sobbing in a corner.
Sammy’s beautiful white coat was almost entirely concealed by a thick covering of bright red paint. His head, with the exception of the ears, was untouched, and his serious, friendly eyes seemed to emphasise the weirdness of his appearance. He stood in the doorway, barking and wagging his tail, plainly puzzled at his reception. He was a popular dog, and was always well received when he visited any of the houses, but he had never before met with enthusiasm like this.
Sammy’s gorgeous white coat was nearly completely hidden under a thick layer of bright red paint. His head, except for his ears, was untouched, and his serious, friendly eyes highlighted the strangeness of his look. He stood in the doorway, barking and wagging his tail, clearly confused by the reaction he was getting. He was a well-liked dog and was always welcomed happily when he visited any of the houses, but he had never experienced enthusiasm like this before.
“Good old Sammy!”
“Classic Sammy!”
“What on earth’s been happening to him?”
“What on earth has been happening to him?”
“Who did it?”
“Who did this?”
Sharpe, the introducer, had no views on the matter.
Sharpe, the person introducing the topic, didn't have any opinions on it.
“I found him outside Downing’s, with a crowd round him. Everybody seems to have seen him. I wonder who on earth has gone and mucked him up like that!”
“I found him outside Downing’s, with a crowd gathered around him. Everyone seems to have seen him. I wonder who in the world messed him up like that!”
Mike was the first to show any sympathy for the maltreated animal.
Mike was the first to show any compassion for the abused animal.
“Poor old Sammy,” he said, kneeling on the floor beside the victim, and scratching him under the ear. “What a beastly shame! It’ll take hours to wash all that off him, and he’ll hate it.”
“Poor old Sammy,” he said, kneeling on the floor next to the victim and scratching him under the ear. “What a terrible shame! It’ll take hours to wash all that off him, and he’ll hate it.”
“It seems to me,” said Psmith, regarding Sammy dispassionately through his eyeglass, “that it’s not a case for mere washing. They’ll either have to skin him bodily, or leave the thing to time. Time, the Great Healer. In a year or two he’ll fade to a delicate pink. I don’t see why you shouldn’t have a pink bull-terrier. It would lend a touch of distinction to the place. Crowds would come in excursion trains to see him. By charging a small fee you might make him self-supporting. I think I’ll suggest it to Comrade Downing.”
“It seems to me,” said Psmith, looking at Sammy unemotionally through his eyeglass, “that this isn’t a situation for just washing. They’ll either have to completely skin him, or let time handle it. Time, the Great Healer. In a year or two, he’ll turn into a delicate pink. I don’t see why you shouldn’t have a pink bull-terrier. It would add a touch of class to the place. Crowds would come in excursion trains to see him. By charging a small fee, you could make him financially self-sufficient. I think I’ll suggest it to Comrade Downing.”
“There’ll be a row about this,” said Stone.
“There’s going to be a fuss about this,” said Stone.
“Rows are rather sport when you’re not mixed up in them,” said Robinson, philosophically. “There’ll be another if we don’t start off for chapel soon. It’s a quarter to.”
“Rows are pretty entertaining when you’re not involved in them,” said Robinson, thoughtfully. “There’ll be another one if we don’t head to chapel soon. It’s a quarter to.”
There was a general move. Mike was the last to leave the room. As he was going, Jellicoe stopped him. Jellicoe was staying in that Sunday, owing to his ankle.
There was a general shift. Mike was the last to leave the room. As he was heading out, Jellicoe stopped him. Jellicoe was staying in that Sunday because of his ankle.
“I say,” said Jellicoe, “I just wanted to thank you again about that——”
“I just wanted to thank you again about that——” said Jellicoe.
“Oh, that’s all right.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
“No, but it really was awfully decent of you. You might have got into a frightful row. Were you nearly caught?”
“No, but it was really nice of you. You could have gotten into a terrible mess. Were you almost caught?”
“Jolly nearly.”
"Pretty much."
“It was you who rang the bell, wasn’t it?”
“It was you who rang the bell, right?”
“Yes, it was. But for goodness sake don’t go gassing about it, or somebody will get to hear who oughtn’t to, and I shall be sacked.”
“Yes, it was. But for goodness’ sake, don’t go blabbing about it, or someone will find out who shouldn’t, and I’ll get fired.”
“All right. But, I say, you are a chap!”
“All right. But I have to say, you really are quite a guy!”
“What’s the matter now?”
"What's wrong now?"
“I mean about Sammy, you know. It’s a jolly good score off old Downing. He’ll be frightfully sick.”
“I mean about Sammy, you know. It’s a really good score off old Downing. He'll be really upset.”
“Sammy!” cried Mike. “My good man, you don’t think I did that, do you? What absolute rot! I never touched the poor brute.”
“Sammy!” shouted Mike. “My good man, you don’t really think I did that, do you? What nonsense! I never laid a finger on that poor creature.”
“Oh, all right,” said Jellicoe. “But I wasn’t going to tell any one, of course.”
“Oh, fine,” said Jellicoe. “But I wasn’t planning to tell anyone, obviously.”
“What do you mean?”
"What do you mean by that?"
“You are a chap!” giggled Jellicoe.
“You're a dude!” giggled Jellicoe.
Mike walked to chapel rather thoughtfully.
Mike walked to the chapel, deep in thought.
CHAPTER XLVII
MR. DOWNING ON THE SCENT
There was just one moment, the moment in which, on going down to the junior day-room of his house to quell an unseemly disturbance, he was boisterously greeted by a vermilion bull terrier, when Mr. Downing was seized with a hideous fear lest he had lost his senses. Glaring down at the crimson animal that was pawing at his knees, he clutched at his reason for one second as a drowning man clutches at a lifebelt.
There was just one moment, the moment in which, on going down to the junior day-room of his house to quiet an unruly disturbance, he was loudly greeted by a bright red bull terrier, when Mr. Downing was hit with a terrible fear that he had lost his sanity. Staring down at the red animal that was pawing at his knees, he grasped at his sanity for one second like a drowning man grabbing for a lifebuoy.
Then the happy laughter of the young onlookers reassured him.
Then the joyful laughter of the young spectators reassured him.
“Who—” he shouted, “WHO has done this?”
“Who—” he shouted, “WHO has done this?”
“Please, sir, we don’t know,” shrilled the chorus.
“Please, sir, we don’t know,” shouted the group.
“Please, sir, he came in like that.”
“Please, sir, he came in like that.”
“Please, sir, we were sitting here when he suddenly ran in, all red.”
“Please, sir, we were sitting here when he suddenly ran in, all out of breath.”
A voice from the crowd: “Look at old Sammy!”
A voice from the crowd: “Check out old Sammy!”
The situation was impossible. There was nothing to be done. He could not find out by verbal inquiry who had painted the dog. The possibility of Sammy being painted red during the night had never occurred to Mr. Downing, and now that the thing had happened he had no scheme of action. As Psmith would have said, he had confused the unusual with the impossible, and the result was that he was taken by surprise.
The situation was impossible. There was nothing to do. He couldn't figure out through questioning who had painted the dog. The idea that Sammy could be painted red overnight had never crossed Mr. Downing's mind, and now that it had happened, he had no plan. As Psmith would say, he had mixed up the unusual with the impossible, and as a result, he was caught off guard.
While he was pondering on this the situation was rendered still more difficult by Sammy, who, taking advantage of the door being open, escaped and rushed into the road, thus publishing his condition to all and sundry. You can hush up a painted dog while it confines itself to your own premises, but once it has mixed with the great public this becomes out of the question. Sammy’s state advanced from a private trouble into a row. Mr. Downing’s next move was in the same direction that Sammy had taken, only, instead of running about the road, he went straight to the headmaster.
While he was thinking about this, the situation became even more complicated because Sammy, taking advantage of the open door, escaped and dashed into the road, exposing his state to everyone around. You can hide a painted dog as long as it stays in your yard, but once it mingles with the public, that’s no longer possible. Sammy’s situation went from a personal problem to a public spectacle. Mr. Downing’s next action was to follow in the same direction Sammy had taken, but instead of running around the road, he went directly to the headmaster.
The Head, who had had to leave his house in the small hours in his pyjamas and a dressing-gown, was not in the best of tempers. He had a cold in the head, and also a rooted conviction that Mr. Downing, in spite of his strict orders, had rung the bell himself on the previous night in order to test the efficiency of the school in saving themselves in the event of fire. He received the housemaster frostily, but thawed as the latter related the events which had led up to the ringing of the bell.
The Head, who had to leave his house in the early hours wearing his pajamas and a robe, was not in a great mood. He had a stuffy nose and a firm belief that Mr. Downing, despite his strict orders, had rung the bell himself the night before to test how well the school could respond in case of a fire. He greeted the housemaster coldly but warmed up as the housemaster explained what had happened leading up to the bell ringing.
“Dear me!” he said, deeply interested. “One of the boys at the school, you think?”
“Wow!” he said, really intrigued. “Do you think it was one of the boys from school?”
“I am certain of it,” said Mr. Downing.
“I’m sure of it,” Mr. Downing said.
“Was he wearing a school cap?”
"Was he wearing a school cap?"
“He was bare-headed. A boy who breaks out of his house at night would hardly run the risk of wearing a distinguishing cap.”
“He wasn't wearing a hat. A boy sneaking out of his house at night wouldn't want to take the chance of being recognized by wearing a noticeable cap.”
“No, no, I suppose not. A big boy, you say?”
“No, no, I guess not. A big kid, you say?”
“Very big.”
“Very large.”
“You did not see his face?”
"You didn’t see his face?"
“It was dark and he never looked back—he was in front of me all the time.”
“It was dark and he never looked back—he was always in front of me.”
“Dear me!”
“Oh my!”
“There is another matter——”
"There's another thing——"
“Yes?”
"Yes?"
“This boy, whoever he was, had done something before he rang the bell—he had painted my dog Sampson red.”
“This boy, whoever he was, had done something before he rang the bell—he had painted my dog Sampson red.”
The headmaster’s eyes protruded from their sockets. “He—he—what, Mr. Downing?”
The headmaster's eyes bulged out. "He—he—what, Mr. Downing?"
“He painted my dog red—bright red.” Mr. Downing was too angry to see anything humorous in the incident. Since the previous night he had been wounded in his tenderest feelings. His Fire Brigade system had been most shamefully abused by being turned into a mere instrument in the hands of a malefactor for escaping justice, and his dog had been held up to ridicule to all the world. He did not want to smile, he wanted revenge.
“He painted my dog red—bright red.” Mr. Downing was too furious to find anything funny about the situation. Since the night before, he had been deeply hurt. His Fire Brigade system had been disgracefully misused as a tool for a criminal to evade justice, and his dog had been mocked in front of everyone. He didn’t want to smile; he wanted revenge.
The headmaster, on the other hand, did want to smile. It was not his dog, he could look on the affair with an unbiased eye, and to him there was something ludicrous in a white dog suddenly appearing as a red dog.
The headmaster, however, did want to smile. It wasn’t his dog, so he could look at the situation without bias, and to him, there was something amusing about a white dog suddenly showing up as a red dog.
“It is a scandalous thing!” said Mr. Downing.
“It’s a scandalous thing!” said Mr. Downing.
“Quite so! Quite so!” said the headmaster hastily. “I shall punish the boy who did it most severely. I will speak to the school in the Hall after chapel.”
“Exactly! Exactly!” said the headmaster quickly. “I will punish the boy who did this very harshly. I will address the school in the Hall after chapel.”
Which he did, but without result. A cordial invitation to the criminal to come forward and be executed was received in wooden silence by the school, with the exception of Johnson III., of Outwood’s, who, suddenly reminded of Sammy’s appearance by the headmaster’s words, broke into a wild screech of laughter, and was instantly awarded two hundred lines.
Which he did, but it didn’t lead to anything. A friendly invitation for the criminal to step forward and face execution was met with silence by the school, except for Johnson III. from Outwood’s, who, suddenly reminded of Sammy’s looks by the headmaster’s words, burst into loud laughter and immediately got two hundred lines.
The school filed out of the Hall to their various lunches, and Mr. Downing was left with the conviction that, if he wanted the criminal discovered, he would have to discover him for himself.
The school filtered out of the Hall to their different lunches, and Mr. Downing was left with the belief that, if he wanted to find the criminal, he would have to do it himself.
The great thing in affairs of this kind is to get a good start, and Fate, feeling perhaps that it had been a little hard upon Mr. Downing, gave him a most magnificent start. Instead of having to hunt for a needle in a haystack, he found himself in a moment in the position of being set to find it in a mere truss of straw.
The best part about situations like this is getting off to a strong start, and Fate, perhaps realizing it had been somewhat unfair to Mr. Downing, gave him an incredible advantage. Instead of searching for a needle in a haystack, he suddenly found himself tasked with finding it in just a bundle of straw.
It was Mr. Outwood who helped him. Sergeant Collard had waylaid the archaeological expert on his way to chapel, and informed him that at close on twelve the night before he had observed a youth, unidentified, attempting to get into his house via the water-pipe. Mr. Outwood, whose thoughts were occupied with apses and plinths, not to mention cromlechs, at the time, thanked the sergeant with absent-minded politeness and passed on. Later he remembered the fact à propos of some reflections on the subject of burglars in mediaeval England, and passed it on to Mr. Downing as they walked back to lunch.
It was Mr. Outwood who helped him. Sergeant Collard had stopped the archaeological expert on his way to chapel and told him that around midnight the night before he had seen an unidentified young man trying to break into his house through the water pipe. Mr. Outwood, preoccupied with thoughts about apses, plinths, and cromlechs, thanked the sergeant politely but absentmindedly and moved on. Later, he recalled the incident while reflecting on burglars in medieval England and shared it with Mr. Downing as they walked back to lunch.
“Then the boy was in your house!” exclaimed Mr. Downing.
“Then the boy was in your house!” exclaimed Mr. Downing.
“Not actually in, as far as I understand. I gather from the sergeant that he interrupted him before——”
“Not really in, as far as I know. I heard from the sergeant that he interrupted him before——”
“I mean he must have been one of the boys in your house.”
“I mean he must have been one of the guys in your house.”
“But what was he doing out at that hour?”
“But what was he doing out at that time?”
“He had broken out.”
“He had escaped.”
“Impossible, I think. Oh yes, quite impossible! I went round the dormitories as usual at eleven o’clock last night, and all the boys were asleep—all of them.”
“Impossible, I think. Oh yes, totally impossible! I walked around the dorms as usual at eleven o’clock last night, and all the boys were asleep—every single one of them.”
Mr. Downing was not listening. He was in a state of suppressed excitement and exultation which made it hard for him to attend to his colleague’s slow utterances. He had a clue! Now that the search had narrowed itself down to Outwood’s house, the rest was comparatively easy. Perhaps Sergeant Collard had actually recognised the boy. Or reflection he dismissed this as unlikely, for the sergeant would scarcely have kept a thing like that to himself; but he might very well have seen more of him than he, Downing, had seen. It was only with an effort that he could keep himself from rushing to the sergeant then and there, and leaving the house lunch to look after itself. He resolved to go the moment that meal was at an end.
Mr. Downing wasn't listening. He was filled with suppressed excitement and joy that made it hard for him to focus on his colleague’s slow words. He had a clue! Now that the search had narrowed down to Outwood’s house, the rest felt relatively simple. Maybe Sergeant Collard had actually recognized the boy. He quickly dismissed this as unlikely, since the sergeant probably wouldn’t have kept something like that to himself; but it was possible he had seen more of him than Downing had. It took real effort not to rush over to the sergeant right there and then, leaving lunch to take care of itself. He decided he would go as soon as the meal was over.
Sunday lunch at a public-school house is probably one of the longest functions in existence. It drags its slow length along like a languid snake, but it finishes in time. In due course Mr. Downing, after sitting still and eyeing with acute dislike everybody who asked for a second helping, found himself at liberty.
Sunday lunch at a private school house is probably one of the longest events ever. It drags on like a lazy snake, but it does wrap up eventually. After a while, Mr. Downing, after sitting still and glaring with obvious dislike at everyone who asked for a second helping, found himself free.
Regardless of the claims of digestion, he rushed forth on the trail.
Regardless of the talk about digestion, he hurried down the path.
Sergeant Collard lived with his wife and a family of unknown dimensions in the lodge at the school front gate. Dinner was just over when Mr. Downing arrived, as a blind man could have told.
Sergeant Collard lived with his wife and a family of unknown size in the lodge at the school's front gate. Dinner had just ended when Mr. Downing arrived, as anyone could have guessed.
The sergeant received his visitor with dignity, ejecting the family, who were torpid after roast beef and resented having to move, in order to ensure privacy.
The sergeant welcomed his visitor with respect, sending the family out, who were sluggish after their roast beef and annoyed about having to leave, to make sure they had privacy.
Having requested his host to smoke, which the latter was about to do unasked, Mr. Downing stated his case.
Having asked his host to smoke, which the host was about to do on his own, Mr. Downing explained his situation.
“Mr. Outwood,” he said, “tells me that last night, sergeant, you saw a boy endeavouring to enter his house.”
“Mr. Outwood,” he said, “tells me that last night, sergeant, you saw a boy trying to get into his house.”
The sergeant blew a cloud of smoke. “Oo-oo-oo, yer,” he said; “I did, sir—spotted ’im, I did. Feeflee good at spottin’, I am, sir. Dook of Connaught, he used to say, ‘’Ere comes Sergeant Collard,’ he used to say, ‘’e’s feeflee good at spottin’.’”
The sergeant exhaled a puff of smoke. “Yeah, I did, sir—saw him, I did. I’m really good at spotting, sir. The Duke of Connaught used to say, ‘Here comes Sergeant Collard,’ he used to say, ‘he’s really good at spotting.’”
“What did you do?”
“What did you do?”
“Do? Oo-oo-oo! I shouts ‘Oo-oo-oo yer, yer young monkey, what yer doin’ there?’”
“Do? Oo-oo-oo! I shout ‘Oo-oo-oo yeah, yeah young monkey, what are you doing there?’”
“Yes?”
"Yes?"
“But ’e was off in a flash, and I doubles after ’im prompt.”
“But he was gone in a flash, and I rushed after him right away.”
“But you didn’t catch him?”
“But you didn’t get him?”
“No, sir,” admitted the sergeant reluctantly.
“No, sir,” the sergeant admitted hesitantly.
“Did you catch sight of his face, sergeant?”
“Did you see his face, sergeant?”
“No, sir, ’e was doublin’ away in the opposite direction.”
“No, sir, he was doubling away in the opposite direction.”
“Did you notice anything at all about his appearance?”
“Did you notice anything at all about how he looked?”
“’E was a long young chap, sir, with a pair of legs on him—feeflee fast ’e run, sir. Oo-oo-oo, feeflee!”
“He was a tall young guy, sir, with long legs—he ran really fast, sir. Oo-oo-oo, really fast!”
“You noticed nothing else?”
“You didn’t notice anything else?”
“’E wasn’t wearing no cap of any sort, sir.”
“ He wasn’t wearing any kind of cap, sir.”
“Ah!”
“Wow!”
“Bare-’eaded, sir,” added the sergeant, rubbing the point in.
“Bareheaded, sir,” added the sergeant, emphasizing the point.
“It was undoubtedly the same boy, undoubtedly! I wish you could have caught a glimpse of his face, sergeant.”
“It was definitely the same kid, no doubt! I wish you could have seen his face, sergeant.”
“So do I, sir.”
“Me too, sir.”
“You would not be able to recognise him again if you saw him, you think?”
“You wouldn't be able to recognize him again if you saw him, right?”
“Oo-oo-oo! Wouldn’t go so far as to say that, sir, ’cos yer see, I’m feeflee good at spottin’, but it was a dark night.”
“Oo-oo-oo! I wouldn’t say that, sir, because you see, I’m really good at spotting things, but it was a dark night.”
Mr. Downing rose to go.
Mr. Downing got up to leave.
“Well,” he said, “the search is now considerably narrowed down, considerably! It is certain that the boy was one of the boys in Mr. Outwood’s house.”
“Well,” he said, “the search is now a lot more focused, a lot! It’s clear that the boy was one of the boys in Mr. Outwood’s house.”
“Young monkeys!” interjected the sergeant helpfully.
"Young monkeys!" the sergeant chimed in supportively.
“Good-afternoon, sergeant.”
“Good afternoon, sergeant.”
“Good-afternoon to you, sir.”
"Good afternoon, sir."
“Pray do not move, sergeant.”
“Please don’t move, sergeant.”
The sergeant had not shown the slightest inclination of doing anything of the kind.
The sergeant had not shown the slightest interest in doing anything like that.
“I will find my way out. Very hot to-day, is it not?”
“I'll figure out how to get out of here. It's really hot today, isn’t it?”
“Feeflee warm, sir; weather’s goin’ to break—workin’ up for thunder.”
“Feels warm, sir; the weather’s about to change—getting ready for a storm.”
“I hope not. The school plays the M.C.C. on Wednesday, and it would be a pity if rain were to spoil our first fixture with them. Good afternoon.”
“I hope not. The school is playing the M.C.C. on Wednesday, and it would be a shame if rain messed up our first game with them. Good afternoon.”
And Mr. Downing went out into the baking sunlight, while Sergeant Collard, having requested Mrs. Collard to take the children out for a walk at once, and furthermore to give young Ernie a clip side of the ’ead, if he persisted in making so much noise, put a handkerchief over his face, rested his feet on the table, and slept the sleep of the just.
And Mr. Downing stepped out into the blazing sunlight, while Sergeant Collard, after asking Mrs. Collard to take the kids out for a walk immediately and also to give young Ernie a light smack on the head if he kept making so much noise, covered his face with a handkerchief, propped his feet up on the table, and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
CHAPTER XLVIII
THE SLEUTH-HOUND
For the Doctor Watsons of this world, as opposed to the Sherlock Holmeses, success in the province of detective work must always be, to a very large extent, the result of luck. Sherlock Holmes can extract a clue from a wisp of straw or a flake of cigar-ash. But Doctor Watson has got to have it taken out for him, and dusted, and exhibited clearly, with a label attached.
For the Dr. Watsons of the world, as opposed to the Sherlock Holmeses, success in detective work often comes down to luck. Sherlock Holmes can find a clue in a piece of straw or a bit of cigar ash. But Dr. Watson needs it to be handed to him, cleaned up, and clearly presented with a label attached.
The average man is a Doctor Watson. We are wont to scoff in a patronising manner at that humble follower of the great investigator, but, as a matter of fact, we should have been just as dull ourselves. We should not even have risen to the modest level of a Scotland Yard Bungler. We should simply have hung around, saying:
The average guy is a Doctor Watson. We tend to mock that humble sidekick of the great detective, but the truth is, we would have been just as dull ourselves. We wouldn’t even have managed to be on the level of a Scotland Yard bungler. We would just have loitered, saying:
“My dear Holmes, how—?” and all the rest of it, just as the downtrodden medico did.
“My dear Holmes, how—?” and all the rest of it, just like the struggling doctor did.
It is not often that the ordinary person has any need to see what he can do in the way of detection. He gets along very comfortably in the humdrum round of life without having to measure footprints and smile quiet, tight-lipped smiles. But if ever the emergency does arise, he thinks naturally of Sherlock Holmes, and his methods.
It’s not common for the average person to need to figure out their skills in detective work. They manage quite comfortably in the daily routine of life without having to track footprints and give knowing, reserved smiles. But if an emergency does come up, they naturally think of Sherlock Holmes and his techniques.
Mr. Downing had read all the Holmes stories with great attention, and had thought many times what an incompetent ass Doctor Watson was; but, now that he had started to handle his own first case, he was compelled to admit that there was a good deal to be said in extenuation of Watson’s inability to unravel tangles. It certainly was uncommonly hard, he thought, as he paced the cricket field after leaving Sergeant Collard, to detect anybody, unless you knew who had really done the crime. As he brooded over the case in hand, his sympathy for Dr. Watson increased with every minute, and he began to feel a certain resentment against Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. It was all very well for Sir Arthur to be so shrewd and infallible about tracing a mystery to its source, but he knew perfectly well who had done the thing before he started!
Mr. Downing had read all the Holmes stories with great attention and often thought how incompetent Doctor Watson was; however, now that he was starting to handle his own first case, he had to admit that there was a lot to understand about Watson's struggles to untangle complex situations. As he paced the cricket field after leaving Sergeant Collard, he found it exceptionally difficult to identify anyone unless he knew who had actually committed the crime. As he pondered over his current case, his sympathy for Dr. Watson grew with every passing minute, and he began to feel a sense of irritation towards Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. It was easy for Sir Arthur to be so clever and always right about tracing a mystery to its source, but he knew perfectly well who the real culprit was before he even started!
Now that he began really to look into this matter of the alarm bell and the painting of Sammy, the conviction was creeping over him that the problem was more difficult than a casual observer might imagine. He had got as far as finding that his quarry of the previous night was a boy in Mr. Outwood’s house, but how was he to get any farther? That was the thing. There were, of course, only a limited number of boys in Mr. Outwood’s house as tall as the one he had pursued; but even if there had been only one other, it would have complicated matters. If you go to a boy and say, “Either you or Jones were out of your house last night at twelve o’clock,” the boy does not reply, “Sir, I cannot tell a lie—I was out of my house last night at twelve o’clock.” He simply assumes the animated expression of a stuffed fish, and leaves the next move to you. It is practically Stalemate.
Now that he was really looking into the alarm bell and the painting of Sammy, he started to feel that the problem was more complicated than a casual observer might think. He had figured out that the boy he was chasing the night before was in Mr. Outwood’s house, but how could he go further? That was the issue. There were only a limited number of boys in Mr. Outwood’s house who were as tall as the one he had pursued; but even if there was just one other, it would complicate things. If you go to a boy and say, “Either you or Jones was out of your house last night at midnight,” the boy won’t say, “Sir, I can’t tell a lie—I was out of my house last night at midnight.” He just adopts the blank expression of a stuffed fish and leaves the next move up to you. It’s pretty much a stalemate.
All these things passed through Mr. Downing’s mind as he walked up and down the cricket field that afternoon.
All these thoughts went through Mr. Downing's mind as he paced back and forth on the cricket field that afternoon.
What he wanted was a clue. But it is so hard for the novice to tell what is a clue and what isn’t. Probably, if he only knew, there were clues lying all over the place, shouting to him to pick them up.
What he wanted was a hint. But it's so tough for a beginner to figure out what is a hint and what isn’t. If he only realized, there were hints everywhere, yelling at him to pick them up.
What with the oppressive heat of the day and the fatigue of hard thinking, Mr. Downing was working up for a brain-storm, when Fate once more intervened, this time in the shape of Riglett, a junior member of his house.
What with the intense heat of the day and the tiredness from deep thinking, Mr. Downing was gearing up for a mental breakthrough when Fate stepped in again, this time as Riglett, a junior member of his house.
Riglett slunk up in the shamefaced way peculiar to some boys, even when they have done nothing wrong, and, having capped Mr. Downing with the air of one who has been caught in the act of doing something particularly shady, requested that he might be allowed to fetch his bicycle from the shed.
Riglett crept up in the embarrassed way that some boys do, even when they haven’t done anything wrong. After putting Mr. Downing on edge, as if he’d been caught doing something really shady, he asked if he could go get his bicycle from the shed.
“Your bicycle?” snapped Mr. Downing. Much thinking had made him irritable. “What do you want with your bicycle?”
“Your bike?” snapped Mr. Downing. He had been thinking a lot, which made him cranky. “What do you need with your bike?”
Riglett shuffled, stood first on his left foot, then on his right, blushed, and finally remarked, as if it were not so much a sound reason as a sort of feeble excuse for the low and blackguardly fact that he wanted his bicycle, that he had got leave for tea that afternoon.
Riglett shuffled, stood first on his left foot, then on his right, blushed, and finally said, as if it were less of a solid reason and more of a weak excuse for the low and scummy fact that he wanted his bike, that he had permission for tea that afternoon.
Then Mr. Downing remembered. Riglett had an aunt resident about three miles from the school, whom he was accustomed to visit occasionally on Sunday afternoons during the term.
Then Mr. Downing remembered. Riglett had an aunt living about three miles from the school, whom he usually visited on Sunday afternoons during the term.
He felt for his bunch of keys, and made his way to the shed, Riglett shambling behind at an interval of two yards.
He reached for his keys and headed toward the shed, with Riglett trailing behind at a distance of two yards.
Mr. Downing unlocked the door, and there on the floor was the Clue!
Mr. Downing unlocked the door, and there on the floor was the clue!
A clue that even Dr. Watson could not have overlooked.
A clue that even Dr. Watson wouldn't have missed.
Mr. Downing saw it, but did not immediately recognise it for what it was. What he saw at first was not a Clue, but just a mess. He had a tidy soul and abhorred messes. And this was a particularly messy mess. The greater part of the flooring in the neighbourhood of the door was a sea of red paint. The tin from which it had flowed was lying on its side in the middle of the shed. The air was full of the pungent scent.
Mr. Downing saw it, but didn't immediately recognize it for what it was. What he saw at first was not a clue, but just a mess. He had a tidy soul and hated messes. And this was an especially messy mess. The majority of the flooring near the door was covered in a sea of red paint. The can it had spilled from was lying on its side in the middle of the shed. The air was filled with a strong, pungent smell.
“Pah!” said Mr. Downing.
"Pfft!" said Mr. Downing.
Then suddenly, beneath the disguise of the mess, he saw the clue. A foot-mark! No less. A crimson foot-mark on the grey concrete!
Then suddenly, under the cover of the mess, he spotted the clue. A footprint! No less. A red footprint on the gray concrete!
Riglett, who had been waiting patiently two yards away, now coughed plaintively. The sound recalled Mr. Downing to mundane matters.
Riglett, who had been waiting patiently two yards away, now coughed softly. The sound brought Mr. Downing back to everyday concerns.
“Get your bicycle, Riglett,” he said, “and be careful where you tread. Somebody has upset a pot of paint on the floor.”
“Grab your bike, Riglett,” he said, “and watch your step. Someone spilled a pot of paint on the floor.”
Riglett, walking delicately through dry places, extracted his bicycle from the rack, and presently departed to gladden the heart of his aunt, leaving Mr. Downing, his brain fizzing with the enthusiasm of the detective, to lock the door and resume his perambulation of the cricket field.
Riglett, carefully walking through dry areas, took his bicycle from the rack and soon left to bring joy to his aunt, leaving Mr. Downing, his mind buzzing with detective enthusiasm, to lock the door and continue his walk around the cricket field.
Give Dr. Watson a fair start, and he is a demon at the game. Mr. Downing’s brain was now working with a rapidity and clearness which a professional sleuth might have envied.
Give Dr. Watson a fair chance, and he’s a powerhouse at this. Mr. Downing's mind was now operating with a speed and clarity that a professional detective would have envied.
Paint. Red paint. Obviously the same paint with which Sammy had been decorated. A foot-mark. Whose foot-mark? Plainly that of the criminal who had done the deed of decoration.
Paint. Red paint. Clearly the same paint that Sammy had been covered in. A footmark. Whose footmark? Clearly that of the culprit who had done the decoration.
Yoicks!
Yo!
There were two things, however, to be considered. Your careful detective must consider everything. In the first place, the paint might have been upset by the ground-man. It was the ground-man’s paint. He had been giving a fresh coating to the wood-work in front of the pavilion scoring-box at the conclusion of yesterday’s match. (A labour of love which was the direct outcome of the enthusiasm for work which Adair had instilled into him.) In that case the foot-mark might be his.
There were two things to consider, though. A thorough detective has to think about everything. First, the paint could have been disturbed by the groundskeeper. It was his paint. He had just been giving a fresh coat to the woodwork in front of the pavilion scoring box at the end of yesterday’s match. (A labor of love stemming from the enthusiasm for work that Adair had inspired in him.) In that case, the footprint might belong to him.
Note one: Interview the ground-man on this point.
Note one: Talk to the ground person about this.
In the second place Adair might have upset the tin and trodden in its contents when he went to get his bicycle in order to fetch the doctor for the suffering MacPhee. This was the more probable of the two contingencies, for it would have been dark in the shed when Adair went into it.
In the second place, Adair could have knocked over the tin and stepped in its contents when he went to grab his bicycle to get the doctor for the suffering MacPhee. This was the more likely scenario of the two, since it would have been dark in the shed when Adair went inside.
Note two Interview Adair as to whether he found, on returning to the house, that there was paint on his boots.
Note two Ask Adair if he noticed any paint on his boots when he got back to the house.
Things were moving.
Things were happening.
He resolved to take Adair first. He could get the ground-man’s address from him.
He decided to go to Adair first. He could get the ground-man's address from him.
Passing by the trees under whose shade Mike and Psmith and Dunster had watched the match on the previous day, he came upon the Head of his house in a deck-chair reading a book. A summer Sunday afternoon is the time for reading in deck-chairs.
Passing by the trees where Mike, Psmith, and Dunster had watched the match the day before, he found the Head of his house in a deck chair, reading a book. A summer Sunday afternoon is perfect for lounging and reading in deck chairs.
“Oh, Adair,” he said. “No, don’t get up. I merely wished to ask you if you found any paint on your boots when you returned to the house last night?”
“Oh, Adair,” he said. “No, don’t get up. I just wanted to ask you if you found any paint on your boots when you came back to the house last night?”
“Paint, sir?” Adair was plainly puzzled. His book had been interesting, and had driven the Sammy incident out of his head.
“Paint, sir?” Adair looked genuinely confused. His book had been engaging and had pushed the Sammy incident out of his mind.
“I see somebody has spilt some paint on the floor of the bicycle shed. You did not do that, I suppose, when you went to fetch your bicycle?”
“I see someone has spilled some paint on the floor of the bicycle shed. You didn't do that when you went to get your bike, did you?”
“No, sir.”
“No, thanks.”
“It is spilt all over the floor. I wondered whether you had happened to tread in it. But you say you found no paint on your boots this morning?”
“It’s spilled all over the floor. I was wondering if you happened to step in it. But you said you didn’t find any paint on your boots this morning?”
“No, sir, my bicycle is always quite near the door of the shed. I didn’t go into the shed at all.”
“No, sir, my bike is always right by the door of the shed. I didn’t go into the shed at all.”
“I see. Quite so. Thank you, Adair. Oh, by the way, Adair, where does Markby live?”
“I see. Exactly. Thanks, Adair. Oh, by the way, Adair, where does Markby live?”
“I forget the name of his cottage, sir, but I could show you in a second. It’s one of those cottages just past the school gates, on the right as you turn out into the road. There are three in a row. His is the first you come to. There’s a barn just before you get to them.”
“I can’t remember the name of his cottage, sir, but I can show you in a second. It’s one of those cottages right past the school gates, on the right as you head out onto the road. There are three in a row. His is the first one you reach. There’s a barn just before you get to them.”
“Thank you. I shall be able to find them. I should like to speak to Markby for a moment on a small matter.”
“Thanks. I’ll be able to find them. I’d like to talk to Markby for a moment about something small.”
A sharp walk took him to the cottages Adair had mentioned. He rapped at the door of the first, and the ground-man came out in his shirt-sleeves, blinking as if he had just woke up, as was indeed the case.
A quick walk led him to the cottages Adair had mentioned. He knocked on the door of the first one, and the groundskeeper came out in his shirt sleeves, squinting as if he had just woken up, which was actually true.
“Oh, Markby!”
“Oh, Markby!”
“Sir?”
"Excuse me?"
“You remember that you were painting the scoring-box in the pavilion last night after the match?”
“You remember how you were painting the scoring box in the pavilion last night after the game?”
“Yes, sir. It wanted a lick of paint bad. The young gentlemen will scramble about and get through the window. Makes it look shabby, sir. So I thought I’d better give it a coating so as to look ship-shape when the Marylebone come down.”
“Yes, sir. It really needs a fresh coat of paint. The young guys will climb through the window. It makes the place look shabby, sir. So I figured I should give it a paint job to make it look presentable when the Marylebone comes down.”
“Just so. An excellent idea. Tell me, Markby, what did you do with the pot of paint when you had finished?”
“Exactly. A great idea. Tell me, Markby, what did you do with the pot of paint when you were done?”
“Put it in the bicycle shed, sir.”
“Put it in the bike shed, sir.”
“On the floor?”
"On the ground?"
“On the floor, sir? No. On the shelf at the far end, with the can of whitening what I use for marking out the wickets, sir.”
“On the floor, sir? No. On the shelf at the far end, next to the can of whitening that I use for marking out the wickets, sir.”
“Of course, yes. Quite so. Just as I thought.”
“Of course, yes. Exactly as I thought.”
“Do you want it, sir?”
“Do you want it, sir?”
“No, thank you, Markby, no, thank you. The fact is, somebody who had no business to do so has moved the pot of paint from the shelf to the floor, with the result that it has been kicked over, and spilt. You had better get some more to-morrow. Thank you, Markby. That is all I wished to know.”
“No, thank you, Markby, no, thank you. The truth is, someone who shouldn’t have touched it moved the paint can from the shelf to the floor, and now it’s been knocked over and spilled. You should probably get some more tomorrow. Thanks, Markby. That’s all I wanted to know.”
Mr. Downing walked back to the school thoroughly excited. He was hot on the scent now. The only other possible theories had been tested and successfully exploded. The thing had become simple to a degree. All he had to do was to go to Mr. Outwood’s house—the idea of searching a fellow-master’s house did not appear to him at all a delicate task; somehow one grew unconsciously to feel that Mr. Outwood did not really exist as a man capable of resenting liberties—find the paint-splashed boot, ascertain its owner, and denounce him to the headmaster. Picture, Blue Fire and “God Save the King” by the full strength of the company. There could be no doubt that a paint-splashed boot must be in Mr. Outwood’s house somewhere. A boy cannot tread in a pool of paint without showing some signs of having done so. It was Sunday, too, so that the boot would not yet have been cleaned. Yoicks! Also Tally-ho! This really was beginning to be something like business.
Mr. Downing walked back to the school completely excited. He was hot on the trail now. The only other possible explanations had been tested and proven wrong. It had become simple to a point. All he had to do was go to Mr. Outwood’s house—the idea of searching a fellow teacher’s house didn’t seem like a delicate task at all; somehow you grow to feel that Mr. Outwood really didn’t exist as a person capable of being offended—find the paint-splattered boot, figure out who it belonged to, and tell the headmaster about it. Imagine it, Blue Fire and “God Save the King” performed by the whole company. There was no doubt that a paint-splattered boot had to be in Mr. Outwood’s house somewhere. A boy can’t step in a puddle of paint without leaving some trace of it. It was Sunday, too, so the boot wouldn’t have been cleaned yet. Yoicks! Also Tally-ho! This was definitely starting to feel like real business.
Regardless of the heat, the sleuth-hound hurried across to Outwood’s as fast as he could walk.
Regardless of the heat, the detective hurried over to Outwood’s as fast as he could walk.
CHAPTER XLIX
A CHECK
The only two members of the house not out in the grounds when he arrived were Mike and Psmith. They were standing on the gravel drive in front of the boys’ entrance. Mike had a deck-chair in one hand and a book in the other. Psmith—for even the greatest minds will sometimes unbend—was playing diabolo. That is to say, he was trying without success to raise the spool from the ground.
The only two members of the house not outside when he arrived were Mike and Psmith. They were standing on the gravel driveway in front of the boys' entrance. Mike had a deck chair in one hand and a book in the other. Psmith—because even the brightest minds need to relax sometimes—was playing with a diabolo. That is to say, he was trying, without any luck, to get the spool off the ground.
“There’s a kid in France,” said Mike disparagingly, as the bobbin rolled off the string for the fourth time, “who can do it three thousand seven hundred and something times.”
“There’s a kid in France,” Mike said dismissively, as the bobbin slipped off the string for the fourth time, “who can do it three thousand seven hundred and something times.”
Psmith smoothed a crease out of his waistcoat and tried again. He had just succeeded in getting the thing to spin when Mr. Downing arrived. The sound of his footsteps disturbed Psmith and brought the effort to nothing.
Psmith smoothed out a wrinkle in his waistcoat and tried again. He had just managed to get the thing to spin when Mr. Downing showed up. The sound of his footsteps distracted Psmith and ruined his effort.
“Enough of this spoolery,” said he, flinging the sticks through the open window of the senior day-room. “I was an ass ever to try it. The philosophical mind needs complete repose in its hours of leisure. Hullo!”
“Enough of this nonsense,” he said, throwing the sticks out the open window of the senior day-room. “I was foolish to even attempt it. A philosophical mind needs total peace during its free time. Hey!”
He stared after the sleuth-hound, who had just entered the house.
He watched as the sleuth-hound walked into the house.
“What the dickens,” said Mike, “does he mean by barging in as if he’d bought the place?”
“What the heck,” said Mike, “does he mean by barging in like he owns the place?”
“Comrade Downing looks pleased with himself. What brings him round in this direction, I wonder! Still, no matter. The few articles which he may sneak from our study are of inconsiderable value. He is welcome to them. Do you feel inclined to wait awhile till I have fetched a chair and book?”
“Comrade Downing seems quite satisfied with himself. I wonder what brings him this way! Still, it doesn't matter. The few things he might manage to grab from our study aren’t worth much. He can have them. Are you interested in waiting a bit while I grab a chair and a book?”
“I’ll be going on. I shall be under the trees at the far end of the ground.”
“I'll be moving on. I'll be under the trees at the far end of the field.”
“’Tis well. I will be with you in about two ticks.”
"Okay. I’ll be with you in just a moment."
Mike walked on towards the field, and Psmith, strolling upstairs to fetch his novel, found Mr. Downing standing in the passage with the air of one who has lost his bearings.
Mike walked toward the field, and Psmith, walking up the stairs to grab his novel, found Mr. Downing standing in the hallway looking completely lost.
“A warm afternoon, sir,” murmured Psmith courteously, as he passed.
“A warm afternoon, sir,” murmured Psmith politely, as he walked by.
“Er—Smith!”
"Uh—Smith!"
“Sir?”
"Excuse me?"
“I—er—wish to go round the dormitories.”
“I—um—want to check out the dorms.”
It was Psmith’s guiding rule in life never to be surprised at anything, so he merely inclined his head gracefully, and said nothing.
It was Psmith’s main rule in life not to be surprised by anything, so he just nodded politely and stayed quiet.
“I should be glad if you would fetch the keys and show me where the rooms are.”
“I’d be happy if you could grab the keys and show me where the rooms are.”
“With acute pleasure, sir,” said Psmith. “Or shall I fetch Mr. Outwood, sir?”
“Absolutely, sir,” replied Psmith. “Or should I go get Mr. Outwood, sir?”
“Do as I tell you, Smith,” snapped Mr. Downing.
“Do what I say, Smith,” snapped Mr. Downing.
Psmith said no more, but went down to the matron’s room. The matron being out, he abstracted the bunch of keys from her table and rejoined the master.
Psmith didn't say anything else but headed over to the matron's room. Since the matron was out, he took the bunch of keys from her table and went back to the master.
“Shall I lead the way, sir?” he asked.
“Should I show you the way, sir?” he asked.
Mr. Downing nodded.
Mr. Downing agreed.
“Here, sir,” said Psmith, opening a door, “we have Barnes’ dormitory. An airy room, constructed on the soundest hygienic principles. Each boy, I understand, has quite a considerable number of cubic feet of air all to himself. It is Mr. Outwood’s boast that no boy has ever asked for a cubic foot of air in vain. He argues justly——”
“Here, sir,” said Psmith, opening a door, “we have Barnes’ dormitory. It’s a spacious room designed with great hygiene in mind. Each boy, I understand, has a pretty decent amount of personal air space. Mr. Outwood likes to brag that no boy has ever asked for a cubic foot of air and been turned down. He makes a solid point—”
He broke off abruptly and began to watch the other’s manoeuvres in silence. Mr. Downing was peering rapidly beneath each bed in turn.
He stopped suddenly and started watching the other person’s movements in silence. Mr. Downing was quickly checking under each bed one by one.
“Are you looking for Barnes, sir?” inquired Psmith politely. “I think he’s out in the field.”
“Are you looking for Barnes, sir?” Psmith asked politely. “I think he’s out in the field.”
Mr. Downing rose, having examined the last bed, crimson in the face with the exercise.
Mr. Downing stood up, having checked the last bed, his face red from the effort.
“Show me the next dormitory, Smith,” he said, panting slightly.
“Show me the next dorm, Smith,” he said, breathing a little heavily.
“This,” said Psmith, opening the next door and sinking his voice to an awed whisper, “is where I sleep!”
“This,” said Psmith, opening the next door and lowering his voice to an awed whisper, “is where I sleep!”
Mr. Downing glanced swiftly beneath the three beds. “Excuse me, sir,” said Psmith, “but are we chasing anything?”
Mr. Downing quickly looked under the three beds. “Excuse me, sir,” Psmith said, “but are we after anything?”
“Be good enough, Smith,” said Mr. Downing with asperity, “to keep your remarks to yourself.”
“Just keep your comments to yourself, Smith,” said Mr. Downing sharply.
“I was only wondering, sir. Shall I show you the next in order?”
“I was just wondering, sir. Should I show you the next one?”
“Certainly.”
"Definitely."
They moved on up the passage.
They walked down the hallway.
Drawing blank at the last dormitory, Mr. Downing paused, baffled. Psmith waited patiently by. An idea struck the master.
Drawing a blank at the last dormitory, Mr. Downing paused, confused. Psmith stood by, waiting patiently. Suddenly, an idea struck the teacher.
“The studies, Smith,” he cried.
“The research, Smith,” he shouted.
“Aha!” said Psmith. “I beg your pardon, sir. The observation escaped me unawares. The frenzy of the chase is beginning to enter into my blood. Here we have——”
“Aha!” said Psmith. “I’m sorry, sir. That observation slipped my mind. The thrill of the chase is starting to get to me. Here we have——”
Mr. Downing stopped short.
Mr. Downing halted abruptly.
“Is this impertinence studied, Smith?”
"Is this attitude intentional, Smith?"
“Ferguson’s study, sir? No, sir. That’s further down the passage. This is Barnes’.”
“Ferguson’s study, sir? No, sir. That’s further down the hall. This is Barnes’.”
Mr. Downing looked at him closely. Psmith’s face was wooden in its gravity. The master snorted suspiciously, then moved on.
Mr. Downing stared at him intently. Psmith's expression was serious and emotionless. The teacher snorted with suspicion and then walked away.
“Whose is this?” he asked, rapping a door.
“Who does this belong to?” he asked, knocking on a door.
“This, sir, is mine and Jackson’s.”
“This, sir, belongs to Jackson and me.”
“What! Have you a study? You are low down in the school for it.”
“What! Do you have a study? You’re pretty low in the school for that.”
“I think, sir, that Mr. Outwood gave it us rather as a testimonial to our general worth than to our proficiency in school-work.”
“I think, sir, that Mr. Outwood gave it to us more as a recognition of our overall value than as a reflection of our skills in schoolwork.”
Mr. Downing raked the room with a keen eye. The absence of bars from the window attracted his attention.
Mr. Downing scanned the room carefully. The lack of bars on the window caught his eye.
“Have you no bars to your windows here, such as there are in my house?”
“Don’t you have any bars on your windows here, like the ones in my house?”
“There appears to be no bar, sir,” said Psmith, putting up his eyeglass.
“There doesn’t seem to be any barrier, sir,” said Psmith, adjusting his eyeglass.
Mr Downing was leaning out of the window.
Mr. Downing was leaning out of the window.
“A lovely view, is it not, sir?” said Psmith. “The trees, the field, the distant hills——”
“A beautiful view, isn’t it, sir?” said Psmith. “The trees, the field, the distant hills——”
Mr. Downing suddenly started. His eye had been caught by the water-pipe at the side of the window. The boy whom Sergeant Collard had seen climbing the pipe must have been making for this study.
Mr. Downing suddenly jumped. His attention had been caught by the water pipe next to the window. The boy whom Sergeant Collard had spotted climbing the pipe must have been heading for this study.
He spun round and met Psmith’s blandly inquiring gaze. He looked at Psmith carefully for a moment. No. The boy he had chased last night had not been Psmith. That exquisite’s figure and general appearance were unmistakable, even in the dusk.
He turned around and met Psmith's calmly curious gaze. He examined Psmith closely for a moment. No. The guy he had chased last night wasn’t Psmith. That stylish figure and overall look were unmistakable, even in the fading light.
“Whom did you say you shared this study with, Smith?”
“Who did you say you shared this study with, Smith?”
“Jackson, sir. The cricketer.”
“Jackson, sir. The cricket player.”
“Never mind about his cricket, Smith,” said Mr. Downing with irritation.
“Forget about his cricket, Smith,” said Mr. Downing, annoyed.
“No, sir.”
“No, thanks.”
“He is the only other occupant of the room?”
"Is he the only other person in the room?"
“Yes, sir.”
“Yep, sir.”
“Nobody else comes into it?”
“Is no one else involved?”
“If they do, they go out extremely quickly, sir.”
“If they do, they leave very quickly, sir.”
“Ah! Thank you, Smith.”
“Thanks, Smith!”
“Not at all, sir.”
"Not at all, sir."
Mr. Downing pondered. Jackson! The boy bore him a grudge. The boy was precisely the sort of boy to revenge himself by painting the dog Sammy. And, gadzooks! The boy whom he had pursued last night had been just about Jackson’s size and build!
Mr. Downing thought for a moment. Jackson! The kid held a grudge against him. He was exactly the kind of kid who would get back at someone by painting the dog Sammy. And, wow! The kid he had chased last night was pretty much Jackson’s size and build!
Mr. Downing was as firmly convinced at that moment that Mike’s had been the hand to wield the paint-brush as he had ever been of anything in his life.
Mr. Downing was completely convinced at that moment that Mike had been the one to hold the paintbrush, just like he had been about anything else in his life.
“Smith!” he said excitedly.
“Smith!” he said enthusiastically.
“On the spot, sir,” said Psmith affably.
“Right away, sir,” said Psmith cheerfully.
“Where are Jackson’s boots?”
"Where are Jackson's shoes?"
There are moments when the giddy excitement of being right on the trail causes the amateur (or Watsonian) detective to be incautious. Such a moment came to Mr. Downing then. If he had been wise, he would have achieved his object, the getting a glimpse of Mike’s boots, by a devious and snaky route. As it was, he rushed straight on.
There are times when the thrill of being right on the case gets the amateur (or Watsonian) detective a bit reckless. That’s exactly what happened to Mr. Downing in that moment. If he had been smart, he would have gone about it in a sneaky, roundabout way to catch a glimpse of Mike’s boots. Instead, he charged straight ahead.
“His boots, sir? He has them on. I noticed them as he went out just now.”
“His boots, sir? He’s wearing them. I saw him put them on as he left just now.”
“Where is the pair he wore yesterday?”
“Where is the pair he wore yesterday?”
“Where are the boots of yester-year?” murmured Psmith to himself. “I should say at a venture, sir, that they would be in the basket downstairs. Edmund, our genial knife-and-boot boy, collects them, I believe, at early dawn.”
“Where are the boots from last year?” murmured Psmith to himself. “I’d guess, sir, that they’re in the basket downstairs. Edmund, our friendly knife-and-boot boy, collects them, I think, at early dawn.”
“Would they have been cleaned yet?”
“Do you think they’ve been cleaned yet?”
“If I know Edmund, sir—no.”
“If I know Edmund, sir—nope.”
“Smith,” said Mr. Downing, trembling with excitement, “go and bring that basket to me here.”
“Smith,” said Mr. Downing, trembling with excitement, “go and bring that basket to me here.”
Psmith’s brain was working rapidly as he went downstairs. What exactly was at the back of the sleuth’s mind, prompting these manoeuvres, he did not know. But that there was something, and that that something was directed in a hostile manner against Mike, probably in connection with last night’s wild happenings, he was certain. Psmith had noticed, on leaving his bed at the sound of the alarm bell, that he and Jellicoe were alone in the room. That might mean that Mike had gone out through the door when the bell sounded, or it might mean that he had been out all the time. It began to look as if the latter solution were the correct one.
Psmith’s mind was racing as he went downstairs. He wasn't sure what was going on in the detective's head that was causing these moves, but he was certain there was something, and that it was aimed negatively at Mike, probably related to last night’s crazy events. Psmith had noticed when he got out of bed at the sound of the alarm that he and Jellicoe were the only ones in the room. This could mean that Mike had gone out the door when the bell rang, or it could mean he had been out the entire time. It started to seem like the second possibility was the right one.
He staggered back with the basket, painfully conscious the while that it was creasing his waistcoat, and dumped it down on the study floor. Mr. Downing stooped eagerly over it. Psmith leaned against the wall, and straightened out the damaged garment.
He stumbled back with the basket, painfully aware that it was wrinkling his waistcoat, and dropped it on the study floor. Mr. Downing bent eagerly over it. Psmith leaned against the wall, smoothing out the ruined garment.
“We have here, sir,” he said, “a fair selection of our various bootings.”
“We have a nice selection of our different boot styles here, sir,” he said.
Mr. Downing looked up.
Mr. Downing looked up.
“You dropped none of the boots on your way up, Smith?”
“You didn’t drop any of the boots on your way up, Smith?”
“Not one, sir. It was a fine performance.”
“Not a single one, sir. It was an excellent performance.”
Mr. Downing uttered a grunt of satisfaction, and bent once more to his task. Boots flew about the room. Mr. Downing knelt on the floor beside the basket, and dug like a terrier at a rat-hole.
Mr. Downing let out a satisfied grunt and went back to his task. Boots went flying around the room. Mr. Downing knelt on the floor next to the basket and dug like a terrier after a rat.
At last he made a dive, and, with an exclamation of triumph, rose to his feet. In his hand he held a boot.
At last, he dove in, and with a shout of victory, he stood up. In his hand, he held a boot.
“Put those back again, Smith,” he said.
“Put those back, Smith,” he said.
The ex-Etonian, wearing an expression such as a martyr might have worn on being told off for the stake, began to pick up the scattered footgear, whistling softly the tune of “I do all the dirty work,” as he did so.
The former Eton student, wearing an expression like a martyr might have had when being reprimanded for the stake, started picking up the scattered shoes, softly whistling the tune of “I do all the dirty work” as he did so.
“That’s the lot, sir,” he said, rising.
“That’s the lot, sir,” he said, standing up.
“Ah. Now come across with me to the headmaster’s house. Leave the basket here. You can carry it back when you return.”
“Ah. Now come with me to the headmaster’s house. Leave the basket here. You can take it back when you come back.”
“Shall I put back that boot, sir?”
“Should I put that boot back, sir?”
“Certainly not. I shall take this with me, of course.”
“Definitely not. I'll be taking this with me, of course.”
“Shall I carry it, sir?”
“Should I carry it, sir?”
Mr. Downing reflected.
Mr. Downing thought.
“Yes, Smith,” he said. “I think it would be best.”
“Yeah, Smith,” he said. “I think that would be the best option.”
It occurred to him that the spectacle of a housemaster wandering abroad on the public highway, carrying a dirty boot, might be a trifle undignified. You never knew whom you might meet on Sunday afternoon.
It struck him that the sight of a housemaster walking down the public road, holding a dirty boot, might be a bit undignified. You never knew who you might run into on a Sunday afternoon.
Psmith took the boot, and doing so, understood what before had puzzled him.
Psmith took the boot, and in doing so, he finally grasped what had previously confused him.
Across the toe of the boot was a broad splash of red paint.
Across the toe of the boot was a broad splash of red paint.
He knew nothing, of course, of the upset tin in the bicycle shed; but when a housemaster’s dog has been painted red in the night, and when, on the following day, the housemaster goes about in search of a paint-splashed boot, one puts two and two together. Psmith looked at the name inside the boot. It was “Brown, boot-maker, Bridgnorth.” Bridgnorth was only a few miles from his own home and Mike’s. Undoubtedly it was Mike’s boot.
He had no idea, of course, about the messed-up tin in the bike shed; but when a housemaster’s dog gets painted red overnight, and the next day the housemaster is wandering around looking for a paint-splattered boot, it’s easy to connect the dots. Psmith checked the name inside the boot. It read “Brown, boot-maker, Bridgnorth.” Bridgnorth was just a few miles from his own home and Mike’s. There was no doubt it was Mike’s boot.
“Can you tell me whose boot that is?” asked Mr. Downing.
“Can you tell me whose boot that is?” asked Mr. Downing.
Psmith looked at it again.
Psmith checked it out again.
“No, sir. I can’t say the little chap’s familiar to me.”
“No, sir. I can’t say I know the little guy.”
“Come with me, then.”
"Let’s go together, then."
Mr. Downing left the room. After a moment Psmith followed him.
Mr. Downing left the room. After a moment, Psmith followed him.
The headmaster was in his garden. Thither Mr. Downing made his way, the boot-bearing Psmith in close attendance.
The headmaster was in his garden. Mr. Downing walked over, with Psmith, who was wearing boots, closely following.
The Head listened to the amateur detective’s statement with interest.
The Head listened to the amateur detective's statement with curiosity.
“Indeed?” he said, when Mr. Downing had finished.
“Really?” he said, when Mr. Downing had finished.
“Indeed? Dear me! It certainly seems—It is a curiously well-connected thread of evidence. You are certain that there was red paint on this boot you discovered in Mr. Outwood’s house?”
“Really? Oh my! It definitely seems—It’s a strangely well-connected piece of evidence. Are you sure there was red paint on this boot you found in Mr. Outwood’s house?”
“I have it with me. I brought it on purpose to show to you. Smith!”
“I have it with me. I brought it intentionally to show you. Smith!”
“Sir?”
"Excuse me?"
“You have the boot?”
"Do you have the boot?"
“Ah,” said the headmaster, putting on a pair of pince-nez, “now let me look at—This, you say, is the—? Just so. Just so. Just.... But, er, Mr. Downing, it may be that I have not examined this boot with sufficient care, but—Can you point out to me exactly where this paint is that you speak of?”
“Ah,” said the headmaster, putting on a pair of glasses, “now let me take a look at—This, you say, is the—? Just so. Just so. Just.... But, um, Mr. Downing, I might not have examined this boot closely enough, but—Can you show me exactly where this paint is that you’re talking about?”
Mr. Downing stood staring at the boot with a wild, fixed stare. Of any suspicion of paint, red or otherwise, it was absolutely and entirely innocent.
Mr. Downing stood staring at the boot with a wild, fixed gaze. It was completely and utterly free of any hint of paint, red or otherwise.
CHAPTER L
THE DESTROYER OF EVIDENCE
The boot became the centre of attraction, the cynosure of all eyes. Mr. Downing fixed it with the piercing stare of one who feels that his brain is tottering. The headmaster looked at it with a mildly puzzled expression. Psmith, putting up his eyeglass, gazed at it with a sort of affectionate interest, as if he were waiting for it to do a trick of some kind.
The boot became the center of attention, the focus of everyone's gaze. Mr. Downing stared at it intensely, as if his mind was spinning. The headmaster looked at it with a lightly confused expression. Psmith, putting up his eyeglass, looked at it with a kind of fond curiosity, as if he were expecting it to perform some sort of trick.
Mr. Downing was the first to break the silence.
Mr. Downing was the first to speak up.
“There was paint on this boot,” he said vehemently. “I tell you there was a splash of red paint across the toe. Smith will bear me out in this. Smith, you saw the paint on this boot?”
“There was paint on this boot,” he said passionately. “I’m telling you there was a splash of red paint across the toe. Smith will back me up on this. Smith, did you see the paint on this boot?”
“Paint, sir!”
"Paint, dude!"
“What! Do you mean to tell me that you did not see it?”
“What! Are you telling me that you didn't see it?”
“No, sir. There was no paint on this boot.”
“No, sir. There wasn’t any paint on this boot.”
“This is foolery. I saw it with my own eyes. It was a broad splash right across the toe.”
“This is nonsense. I saw it with my own eyes. There was a wide splash right across the toe.”
The headmaster interposed.
The principal intervened.
“You must have made a mistake, Mr. Downing. There is certainly no trace of paint on this boot. These momentary optical delusions are, I fancy, not uncommon. Any doctor will tell you——”
“You must have made a mistake, Mr. Downing. There's definitely no sign of paint on this boot. These temporary optical illusions, I imagine, happen quite often. Any doctor would tell you——”
“I had an aunt, sir,” said Psmith chattily, “who was remarkably subject——”
“I had an aunt, sir,” said Psmith casually, “who was really prone——”
“It is absurd. I cannot have been mistaken,” said Mr. Downing. “I am positively certain the toe of this boot was red when I found it.”
“It’s ridiculous. I can’t have been wrong,” said Mr. Downing. “I’m absolutely sure the toe of this boot was red when I found it.”
“It is undoubtedly black now, Mr. Downing.”
“It’s definitely black now, Mr. Downing.”
“A sort of chameleon boot,” murmured Psmith.
“A kind of chameleon boot,” murmured Psmith.
The goaded housemaster turned on him.
The frustrated housemaster turned on him.
“What did you say, Smith?”
"What did you say, Smith?"
“Did I speak, sir?” said Psmith, with the start of one coming suddenly out of a trance.
“Did I say something, sir?” Psmith replied, as if he had just come out of a daze.
Mr. Downing looked searchingly at him.
Mr. Downing looked at him intently.
“You had better be careful, Smith.”
“Be careful, Smith.”
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“I strongly suspect you of having something to do with this.”
“I really suspect that you’re involved in this.”
“Really, Mr. Downing,” said the headmaster, “that is surely improbable. Smith could scarcely have cleaned the boot on his way to my house. On one occasion I inadvertently spilt some paint on a shoe of my own. I can assure you that it does not brush off. It needs a very systematic cleaning before all traces are removed.”
“Honestly, Mr. Downing,” said the headmaster, “that seems highly unlikely. Smith could hardly have cleaned the boot on his way to my house. One time I accidentally spilled some paint on one of my own shoes. I can assure you that it doesn’t just wipe off. It requires a thorough cleaning before all the stains are gone.”
“Exactly, sir,” said Psmith. “My theory, if I may——?”
“Exactly, sir,” said Psmith. “My theory, if I may——?”
“Certainly, Smith.”
“Sure thing, Smith.”
Psmith bowed courteously and proceeded.
Psmith bowed politely and moved on.
“My theory, sir, is that Mr. Downing was deceived by the light and shade effects on the toe of the boot. The afternoon sun, streaming in through the window, must have shone on the boot in such a manner as to give it a momentary and fictitious aspect of redness. If Mr. Downing recollects, he did not look long at the boot. The picture on the retina of the eye, consequently, had not time to fade. I remember thinking myself, at the moment, that the boot appeared to have a certain reddish tint. The mistake——”
“My theory, sir, is that Mr. Downing was misled by the effects of light and shadow on the toe of the boot. The afternoon sun, shining in through the window, must have hit the boot in a way that gave it a brief and false appearance of redness. If Mr. Downing remembers, he didn’t look at the boot for long. So, the image on his retina didn’t have time to fade. I recall thinking at the time that the boot seemed to have a slight reddish tint. The mistake——”
“Bah!” said Mr. Downing shortly.
“Ugh!” said Mr. Downing shortly.
“Well, really,” said the headmaster, “it seems to me that that is the only explanation that will square with the facts. A boot that is really smeared with red paint does not become black of itself in the course of a few minutes.”
“Well, honestly,” said the headmaster, “it seems to me that’s the only explanation that fits the facts. A boot that’s covered in red paint doesn’t magically turn black on its own in just a few minutes.”
“You are very right, sir,” said Psmith with benevolent approval. “May I go now, sir? I am in the middle of a singularly impressive passage of Cicero’s speech De Senectute.”
“You're absolutely right, sir,” said Psmith with a kind smile. “Can I go now, sir? I'm in the middle of a particularly impressive section of Cicero’s speech De Senectute.”
“I am sorry that you should leave your preparation till Sunday, Smith. It is a habit of which I altogether disapprove.”
“I’m sorry you’re waiting until Sunday to finish your preparation, Smith. I completely disapprove of that habit.”
“I am reading it, sir,” said Psmith, with simple dignity, “for pleasure. Shall I take the boot with me, sir?”
“I’m reading it, sir,” said Psmith, with straightforward dignity, “for pleasure. Should I take the boot with me, sir?”
“If Mr. Downing does not want it?”
“If Mr. Downing doesn’t want it?”
The housemaster passed the fraudulent piece of evidence to Psmith without a word, and the latter, having included both masters in a kindly smile, left the garden.
The housemaster handed the fake piece of evidence to Psmith without saying anything, and Psmith, giving both masters a friendly smile, left the garden.
Pedestrians who had the good fortune to be passing along the road between the housemaster’s house and Mr. Outwood’s at that moment saw what, if they had but known it, was a most unusual sight, the spectacle of Psmith running. Psmith’s usual mode of progression was a dignified walk. He believed in the contemplative style rather than the hustling.
Pedestrians who happened to be walking along the road between the housemaster’s house and Mr. Outwood’s at that moment saw what, if they had known it, was a very unusual sight: Psmith running. Psmith usually moved at a dignified walk. He preferred a thoughtful approach over rushing around.
On this occasion, however, reckless of possible injuries to the crease of his trousers, he raced down the road, and turning in at Outwood’s gate, bounded upstairs like a highly trained professional athlete.
On this occasion, however, ignoring the risk of damaging his trousers, he sprinted down the road and, turning into Outwood’s gate, dashed upstairs like a highly trained athlete.
On arriving at the study, his first act was to remove a boot from the top of the pile in the basket, place it in the small cupboard under the bookshelf, and lock the cupboard. Then he flung himself into a chair and panted.
On arriving at the study, his first move was to take a boot from the top of the pile in the basket, put it in the small cupboard under the bookshelf, and lock the cupboard. Then he collapsed into a chair and breathed heavily.
“Brain,” he said to himself approvingly, “is what one chiefly needs in matters of this kind. Without brain, where are we? In the soup, every time. The next development will be when Comrade Downing thinks it over, and is struck with the brilliant idea that it’s just possible that the boot he gave me to carry and the boot I did carry were not one boot but two boots. Meanwhile——”
“Brain,” he said to himself with approval, “is what you mainly need for situations like this. Without brains, where are we? In trouble, every time. The next step will be when Comrade Downing thinks about it and realizes the genius idea that the boot he told me to carry and the boot I actually carried might not be the same boot but two different boots. Meanwhile——”
He dragged up another chair for his feet and picked up his novel.
He pulled another chair closer for his feet and picked up his novel.
He had not been reading long when there was a footstep in the passage, and Mr. Downing appeared.
He hadn’t been reading for long when a footstep echoed in the hallway, and Mr. Downing walked in.
The possibility, in fact the probability, of Psmith having substituted another boot for the one with the incriminating splash of paint on it had occurred to him almost immediately on leaving the headmaster’s garden. Psmith and Mike, he reflected, were friends. Psmith’s impulse would be to do all that lay in his power to shield Mike. Feeling aggrieved with himself that he had not thought of this before, he, too, hurried over to Outwood’s.
The idea, actually the likelihood, that Psmith had swapped out the boot with the obvious paint splatter for a different one hit him almost as soon as he left the headmaster’s garden. He thought about how Psmith and Mike were friends. It was in Psmith’s nature to do everything he could to protect Mike. Frustrated with himself for not considering this sooner, he quickly made his way to Outwood’s.
Mr. Downing was brisk and peremptory.
Mr. Downing was energetic and demanding.
“I wish to look at these boots again,” he said. Psmith, with a sigh, laid down his novel, and rose to assist him.
“I want to check out these boots again,” he said. Psmith, with a sigh, put down his novel and got up to help him.
“Sit down, Smith,” said the housemaster. “I can manage without your help.”
“Sit down, Smith,” said the housemaster. “I can handle it without your assistance.”
Psmith sat down again, carefully tucking up the knees of his trousers, and watched him with silent interest through his eyeglass.
Psmith sat down again, neatly lifting the knees of his pants, and observed him with quiet interest through his monocle.
The scrutiny irritated Mr. Downing.
The scrutiny annoyed Mr. Downing.
“Put that thing away, Smith,” he said.
“Put that away, Smith,” he said.
“That thing, sir?”
“Is that thing, sir?”
“Yes, that ridiculous glass. Put it away.”
“Yeah, that silly glass. Just put it away.”
“Why, sir?”
"Why, sir?"
“Why! Because I tell you to do so.”
"Why? Because I said so."
“I guessed that that was the reason, sir,” sighed Psmith replacing the eyeglass in his waistcoat pocket. He rested his elbows on his knees, and his chin on his hands, and resumed his contemplative inspection of the boot-expert, who, after fidgeting for a few moments, lodged another complaint.
“I figured that was why, sir,” sighed Psmith as he put the eyeglass back in his waistcoat pocket. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands, resuming his thoughtful look at the boot expert, who, after a little fidgeting, voiced another complaint.
“Don’t sit there staring at me, Smith.”
“Don’t just sit there looking at me, Smith.”
“I was interested in what you were doing, sir.”
“I was curious about what you were doing, sir.”
“Never mind. Don’t stare at me in that idiotic way.”
“Forget it. Don’t look at me like that.”
“May I read, sir?” asked Psmith, patiently.
“Can I read, sir?” asked Psmith, patiently.
“Yes, read if you like.”
“Sure, read if you want.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thanks, sir.”
Psmith took up his book again, and Mr. Downing, now thoroughly irritated, pursued his investigations in the boot-basket.
Psmith picked up his book again, and Mr. Downing, now completely annoyed, continued his search in the boot basket.
He went through it twice, but each time without success. After the second search, he stood up, and looked wildly round the room. He was as certain as he could be of anything that the missing piece of evidence was somewhere in the study. It was no use asking Psmith point-blank where it was, for Psmith’s ability to parry dangerous questions with evasive answers was quite out of the common.
He went through it twice, but each time he had no luck. After the second search, he stood up and looked around the room in a panic. He was as sure as he could be that the missing piece of evidence was somewhere in the study. There was no point in asking Psmith directly where it was, because Psmith had a knack for dodging tricky questions with vague answers that was really something else.
His eye roamed about the room. There was very little cover there, even for so small a fugitive as a number nine boot. The floor could be acquitted, on sight, of harbouring the quarry.
His eyes scanned the room. There was hardly any cover, even for something as small as a size nine boot. Just by looking, you could tell the floor didn’t conceal the target.
Then he caught sight of the cupboard, and something seemed to tell him that there was the place to look.
Then he saw the cupboard, and something told him that was the place to check.
“Smith!” he said.
“Smith!” he said.
Psmith had been reading placidly all the while.
Psmith had been reading calmly the entire time.
“Yes, sir?”
"Yes, sir?"
“What is in this cupboard?”
“What's in this cupboard?”
“That cupboard, sir?”
“Is that cupboard yours, sir?”
“Yes. This cupboard.” Mr. Downing rapped the door irritably.
“Yes. This cupboard.” Mr. Downing knocked on the door, annoyed.
“Just a few odd trifles, sir. We do not often use it. A ball of string, perhaps. Possibly an old note-book. Nothing of value or interest.”
“Just a few random things, sir. We don’t use it often. A ball of string, maybe. Perhaps an old notebook. Nothing valuable or interesting.”
“Open it.”
"Open it."
“I think you will find that it is locked, sir.”
“I think you’ll find that it’s locked, sir.”
“Unlock it.”
"Open it."
“But where is the key, sir?”
"But where's the key, boss?"
“Have you not got the key?”
"Don't you have the key?"
“If the key is not in the lock, sir, you may depend upon it that it will take a long search to find it.”
“If the key isn’t in the lock, sir, you can count on it taking a long time to find it.”
“Where did you see it last?”
“Where did you see it last?”
“It was in the lock yesterday morning. Jackson might have taken it.”
“It was in the lock yesterday morning. Jackson might have taken it.”
“Where is Jackson?”
"Where's Jackson?"
“Out in the field somewhere, sir.”
“Out in the field somewhere, sir.”
Mr. Downing thought for a moment.
Mr. Downing paused for a moment.
“I don’t believe a word of it,” he said shortly. “I have my reasons for thinking that you are deliberately keeping the contents of that cupboard from me. I shall break open the door.”
“I don’t believe a word of it,” he said tersely. “I have my reasons for thinking that you’re intentionally hiding what’s inside that cupboard from me. I’m going to break the door open.”
Psmith got up.
Psmith got up.
“I’m afraid you mustn’t do that, sir.”
“I’m afraid you can’t do that, sir.”
Mr. Downing stared, amazed.
Mr. Downing stared in disbelief.
“Are you aware whom you are talking to, Smith?” he inquired acidly.
“Do you know who you’re talking to, Smith?” he asked sharply.
“Yes, sir. And I know it’s not Mr. Outwood, to whom that cupboard happens to belong. If you wish to break it open, you must get his permission. He is the sole lessee and proprietor of that cupboard. I am only the acting manager.”
“Yes, sir. And I know that cupboard doesn’t belong to Mr. Outwood. If you want to break it open, you’ll need to get his permission. He is the only tenant and owner of that cupboard. I’m just the acting manager.”
Mr. Downing paused. He also reflected. Mr. Outwood in the general rule did not count much in the scheme of things, but possibly there were limits to the treating of him as if he did not exist. To enter his house without his permission and search it to a certain extent was all very well. But when it came to breaking up his furniture, perhaps——!
Mr. Downing paused. He also thought about it. Mr. Outwood usually didn’t matter much in the bigger picture, but maybe there were boundaries to ignoring him completely. It was one thing to enter his house without his permission and search it a bit. But when it came to destroying his furniture, maybe——!
On the other hand, there was the maddening thought that if he left the study in search of Mr. Outwood, in order to obtain his sanction for the house-breaking work which he proposed to carry through, Smith would be alone in the room. And he knew that, if Smith were left alone in the room, he would instantly remove the boot to some other hiding-place. He thoroughly disbelieved the story of the lost key. He was perfectly convinced that the missing boot was in the cupboard.
On the other hand, there was the frustrating thought that if he left the study to find Mr. Outwood for approval of the break-in he planned to carry out, Smith would be left alone in the room. And he knew that if Smith was left alone, he would immediately move the boot to another hiding spot. He completely didn’t buy the story about the lost key. He was utterly convinced that the missing boot was in the cupboard.
He stood chewing these thoughts for awhile, Psmith in the meantime standing in a graceful attitude in front of the cupboard, staring into vacancy.
He stood mulling over these thoughts for a while, while Psmith leaned in a relaxed pose in front of the cupboard, staring into space.
Then he was seized with a happy idea. Why should he leave the room at all? If he sent Smith, then he himself could wait and make certain that the cupboard was not tampered with.
Then he had a great idea. Why should he leave the room at all? If he sent Smith, then he could stay and make sure that the cupboard wasn’t messed with.
“Smith,” he said, “go and find Mr. Outwood, and ask him to be good enough to come here for a moment.”
“Smith,” he said, “go find Mr. Outwood and ask him if he could come here for a moment.”
CHAPTER LI
MAINLY ABOUT BOOTS
“Be quick, Smith,” he said, as the latter stood looking at him without making any movement in the direction of the door.
“Hurry up, Smith,” he said, as Smith just stood there looking at him without making any move toward the door.
“Quick, sir?” said Psmith meditatively, as if he had been asked a conundrum.
“Quick, sir?” Psmith said thoughtfully, as if he had been given a riddle.
“Go and find Mr. Outwood at once.”
“Go and find Mr. Outwood right now.”
Psmith still made no move.
Psmith still didn’t move.
“Do you intend to disobey me, Smith?” Mr. Downing’s voice was steely.
“Are you planning to ignore me, Smith?” Mr. Downing’s voice was cold.
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
“What!”
“Seriously!”
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
There was one of those you-could-have-heard-a-pin-drop silences. Psmith was staring reflectively at the ceiling. Mr. Downing was looking as if at any moment he might say, “Thwarted to me face, ha, ha! And by a very stripling!”
There was one of those you-could-have-heard-a-pin-drop silences. Psmith was staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. Mr. Downing looked like he might say at any moment, “Thwarted to my face, ha, ha! By a mere boy!”
It was Psmith, however, who resumed the conversation. His manner was almost too respectful; which made it all the more a pity that what he said did not keep up the standard of docility.
It was Psmith, though, who picked up the conversation again. He was almost overly respectful, which made it all the more disappointing that what he said didn’t match that level of politeness.
“I take my stand,” he said, “on a technical point. I say to myself, ‘Mr. Downing is a man I admire as a human being and respect as a master. In——’”
“I take my stand,” he said, “on a technical point. I tell myself, ‘Mr. Downing is a person I admire as a human being and respect as a master. In——’”
“This impertinence is doing you no good, Smith.”
“This disrespect is not helping you, Smith.”
Psmith waved a hand deprecatingly.
Psmith waved a hand dismissively.
“If you will let me explain, sir. I was about to say that in any other place but Mr. Outwood’s house, your word would be law. I would fly to do your bidding. If you pressed a button, I would do the rest. But in Mr. Outwood’s house I cannot do anything except what pleases me or what is ordered by Mr. Outwood. I ought to have remembered that before. One cannot,” he continued, as who should say, “Let us be reasonable,” “one cannot, to take a parallel case, imagine the colonel commanding the garrison at a naval station going on board a battleship and ordering the crew to splice the jibboom spanker. It might be an admirable thing for the Empire that the jibboom spanker should be spliced at that particular juncture, but the crew would naturally decline to move in the matter until the order came from the commander of the ship. So in my case. If you will go to Mr. Outwood, and explain to him how matters stand, and come back and say to me, ‘Psmith, Mr. Outwood wishes you to ask him to be good enough to come to this study,’ then I shall be only too glad to go and find him. You see my difficulty, sir?”
“If you’ll let me explain, sir. I was just about to say that anywhere else but at Mr. Outwood’s house, your word would be law. I would rush to do what you asked. If you pressed a button, I would take care of the rest. But in Mr. Outwood’s house, I can only do what suits me or what Mr. Outwood commands. I should have remembered that earlier. One cannot,” he continued, as if to say, “Let’s be reasonable,” “one cannot, to draw a parallel, imagine the colonel in charge of a naval station going onboard a battleship and ordering the crew to splice the jibboom spanker. It could be crucial for the Empire that the jibboom spanker should be spliced at that time, but the crew would obviously refuse to act until they received the order from the ship’s commander. So, in my case, if you go to Mr. Outwood, explain the situation, and come back to me saying, ‘Psmith, Mr. Outwood wants you to ask him to come to this study,’ then I will gladly go and find him. Do you see my predicament, sir?”
“Go and fetch Mr. Outwood, Smith. I shall not tell you again.”
“Go and get Mr. Outwood, Smith. I won’t say it again.”
Psmith flicked a speck of dust from his coat-sleeve.
Psmith brushed a speck of dust off his coat sleeve.
“Very well, Smith.”
“Alright, Smith.”
“I can assure you, sir, at any rate, that if there is a boot in that cupboard now, there will be a boot there when you return.”
“I can guarantee you, sir, that if there’s a boot in that cupboard now, there will still be a boot there when you come back.”
Mr. Downing stalked out of the room.
Mr. Downing walked out of the room.
“But,” added Psmith pensively to himself, as the footsteps died away, “I did not promise that it would be the same boot.”
“But,” Psmith added thoughtfully to himself as the footsteps faded away, “I didn't promise that it would be the same boot.”
He took the key from his pocket, unlocked the cupboard, and took out the boot. Then he selected from the basket a particularly battered specimen. Placing this in the cupboard, he re-locked the door.
He pulled the key from his pocket, unlocked the cupboard, and took out the boot. Then he picked out a particularly worn one from the basket. After putting this in the cupboard, he locked the door again.
His next act was to take from the shelf a piece of string. Attaching one end of this to the boot that he had taken from the cupboard, he went to the window. His first act was to fling the cupboard-key out into the bushes. Then he turned to the boot. On a level with the sill the water-pipe, up which Mike had started to climb the night before, was fastened to the wall by an iron band. He tied the other end of the string to this, and let the boot swing free. He noticed with approval, when it had stopped swinging, that it was hidden from above by the window-sill.
His next move was to grab a piece of string from the shelf. He tied one end of it to the boot he had taken from the cupboard and headed towards the window. His first action was to throw the cupboard key out into the bushes. Then he focused on the boot. At the same level as the sill, there was a water pipe that Mike had started to climb the night before, secured to the wall with an iron band. He tied the other end of the string to this and let the boot hang freely. He noticed with satisfaction that, once it stopped swinging, it was concealed from view by the window sill.
He returned to his place at the mantelpiece.
He went back to his spot at the mantelpiece.
As an after-thought he took another boot from the basket, and thrust it up the chimney. A shower of soot fell into the grate, blackening his hand.
As an afterthought, he grabbed another boot from the basket and shoved it up the chimney. Soot cascaded into the grate, staining his hand black.
The bathroom was a few yards down the corridor. He went there, and washed off the soot.
The bathroom was a few steps down the hall. He went there and washed off the soot.
When he returned, Mr. Downing was in the study, and with him Mr. Outwood, the latter looking dazed, as if he were not quite equal to the intellectual pressure of the situation.
When he came back, Mr. Downing was in the study with Mr. Outwood, who looked confused, as if he couldn't fully handle the mental strain of the situation.
“Where have you been, Smith?” asked Mr. Downing sharply.
"Where have you been, Smith?" Mr. Downing asked sharply.
“I have been washing my hands, sir.”
“I've been washing my hands, sir.”
“H’m!” said Mr. Downing suspiciously.
“Hm!” said Mr. Downing suspiciously.
“Yes, I saw Smith go into the bathroom,” said Mr. Outwood. “Smith, I cannot quite understand what it is Mr. Downing wishes me to do.”
“Yes, I saw Smith go into the bathroom,” Mr. Outwood said. “Smith, I don’t really get what Mr. Downing wants me to do.”
“My dear Outwood,” snapped the sleuth, “I thought I had made it perfectly clear. Where is the difficulty?”
“My dear Outwood,” the detective snapped, “I thought I made it perfectly clear. What’s the problem?”
“I cannot understand why you should suspect Smith of keeping his boots in a cupboard, and,” added Mr. Outwood with spirit, catching sight of a Good-Gracious-has-the-man-no-sense look on the other’s face, “why he should not do so if he wishes it.”
“I can’t see why you would suspect Smith of storing his boots in a cupboard, and,” Mr. Outwood added passionately, noticing a Good-Gracious-does-this-guy-have-any-sense look on the other’s face, “why he shouldn’t be allowed to do that if he wants.”
“Exactly, sir,” said Psmith, approvingly. “You have touched the spot.”
“Exactly, sir,” Psmith said with approval. “You’ve hit the nail on the head.”
“If I must explain again, my dear Outwood, will you kindly give me your attention for a moment. Last night a boy broke out of your house, and painted my dog Sampson red.”
“If I have to explain again, my dear Outwood, could you please pay attention for a moment? Last night, a boy escaped from your house and painted my dog Sampson red.”
“He painted—!” said Mr. Outwood, round-eyed. “Why?”
“He painted—!” said Mr. Outwood, wide-eyed. “Why?”
“I don’t know why. At any rate, he did. During the escapade one of his boots was splashed with the paint. It is that boot which I believe Smith to be concealing in this cupboard. Now, do you understand?”
“I don’t know why. At any rate, he did. During the adventure, one of his boots got splashed with the paint. It’s that boot that I think Smith is hiding in this cupboard. Now, do you get it?”
Mr. Outwood looked amazedly at Smith, and Psmith shook his head sorrowfully at Mr. Outwood. Psmith’s expression said, as plainly as if he had spoken the words, “We must humour him.”
Mr. Outwood looked at Smith in disbelief, and Psmith shook his head sadly at Mr. Outwood. Psmith's expression clearly conveyed, as if he had said it out loud, “We need to appease him.”
“So with your permission, as Smith declares that he has lost the key, I propose to break open the door of this cupboard. Have you any objection?”
“So if it's alright with you, since Smith says he lost the key, I suggest we break open the door of this cupboard. Do you have any objections?”
Mr. Outwood started.
Mr. Outwood began.
“Objection? None at all, my dear fellow, none at all. Let me see, what is it you wish to do?”
“Objection? Not at all, my friend, not at all. Let me think, what do you want to do?”
“This,” said Mr. Downing shortly.
"This," Mr. Downing said briefly.
There was a pair of dumb-bells on the floor, belonging to Mike. He never used them, but they always managed to get themselves packed with the rest of his belongings on the last day of the holidays. Mr. Downing seized one of these, and delivered two rapid blows at the cupboard-door. The wood splintered. A third blow smashed the flimsy lock. The cupboard, with any skeletons it might contain, was open for all to view.
There was a set of dumbbells on the floor, owned by Mike. He never used them, but they always ended up packed with the rest of his stuff on the last day of the holidays. Mr. Downing picked up one of them and delivered two quick hits to the cupboard door. The wood splintered. A third hit broke the weak lock. The cupboard, along with any skeletons it might have inside, was open for everyone to see.
Mr. Downing uttered a cry of triumph, and tore the boot from its resting-place.
Mr. Downing let out a shout of victory and snatched the boot from where it was resting.
“I told you,” he said. “I told you.”
"I told you," he said. "I told you."
“I wondered where that boot had got to,” said Psmith. “I’ve been looking for it for days.”
“I was wondering where that boot went,” said Psmith. “I’ve been searching for it for days.”
Mr. Downing was examining his find. He looked up with an exclamation of surprise and wrath.
Mr. Downing was checking out his discovery. He looked up with a shout of surprise and anger.
“This boot has no paint on it,” he said, glaring at Psmith. “This is not the boot.”
“This boot doesn’t have any paint on it,” he said, staring at Psmith. “This isn’t the boot.”
“It certainly appears, sir,” said Psmith sympathetically, “to be free from paint. There’s a sort of reddish glow just there, if you look at it sideways,” he added helpfully.
“It definitely looks, sir,” said Psmith with sympathy, “to be without paint. There’s a kind of reddish glow right there, if you check it out from the side,” he added supportively.
“Did you place that boot there, Smith?”
“Did you put that boot there, Smith?”
“I must have done. Then, when I lost the key——”
"I must have done it. Then, when I lost the key——"
“Are you satisfied now, Downing?” interrupted Mr. Outwood with asperity, “or is there any more furniture you wish to break?”
“Are you happy now, Downing?” Mr. Outwood interrupted sharply, “or is there any more furniture you want to smash?”
The excitement of seeing his household goods smashed with a dumb-bell had made the archaeological student quite a swashbuckler for the moment. A little more, and one could imagine him giving Mr. Downing a good, hard knock.
The thrill of watching his belongings get destroyed by a dumbbell had turned the archaeology student into quite the daredevil for a moment. With just a little more push, one could picture him delivering a solid punch to Mr. Downing.
The sleuth-hound stood still for a moment, baffled. But his brain was working with the rapidity of a buzz-saw. A chance remark of Mr. Outwood’s set him fizzing off on the trail once more. Mr. Outwood had caught sight of the little pile of soot in the grate. He bent down to inspect it.
The detective stood still for a moment, confused. But his mind was racing like a buzz-saw. A random comment from Mr. Outwood sparked his curiosity and set him off on the trail again. Mr. Outwood noticed the small pile of soot in the fireplace. He bent down to take a closer look.
“Dear me,” he said, “I must remember to have the chimneys swept. It should have been done before.”
“Wow,” he said, “I need to remember to get the chimneys cleaned. It should have been done already.”
Mr. Downing’s eye, rolling in a fine frenzy from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven, also focussed itself on the pile of soot; and a thrill went through him. Soot in the fireplace! Smith washing his hands! (“You know my methods, my dear Watson. Apply them.”)
Mr. Downing’s eye, darting back and forth from heaven to earth, also landed on the pile of soot, and a shiver went through him. Soot in the fireplace! Smith washing his hands! (“You know my methods, my dear Watson. Apply them.”)
Mr. Downing’s mind at that moment contained one single thought; and that thought was “What ho for the chimney!”
Mr. Downing was focused on just one thing at that moment, and that was, “What’s up with the chimney!”
He dived forward with a rush, nearly knocking Mr. Outwood off his feet, and thrust an arm up into the unknown. An avalanche of soot fell upon his hand and wrist, but he ignored it, for at the same instant his fingers had closed upon what he was seeking.
He lunged forward quickly, almost knocking Mr. Outwood off his feet, and reached his arm up into the unknown. A pile of soot landed on his hand and wrist, but he brushed it off because, at that exact moment, his fingers grasped what he was looking for.
“Ah,” he said. “I thought as much. You were not quite clever enough, after all, Smith.”
“Ah,” he said. “I figured as much. You weren’t clever enough, after all, Smith.”
“No, sir,” said Psmith patiently. “We all make mistakes.”
“No, sir,” Psmith said patiently. “We all make mistakes.”
“You would have done better, Smith, not to have given me all this trouble. You have done yourself no good by it.”
“You really should have just spared me all this trouble, Smith. You haven't benefited from it at all.”
“It’s been great fun, though, sir,” argued Psmith.
“It’s been a lot of fun, though, sir,” argued Psmith.
“Fun!” Mr. Downing laughed grimly. “You may have reason to change your opinion of what constitutes——”
“Fun!” Mr. Downing laughed dryly. “You might want to rethink what you consider——”
His voice failed as his eye fell on the all-black toe of the boot. He looked up, and caught Psmith’s benevolent gaze. He straightened himself and brushed a bead of perspiration from his face with the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he used the sooty hand, and the result was like some gruesome burlesque of a nigger minstrel.
His voice faltered when he noticed the all-black toe of the boot. He looked up and met Psmith’s friendly gaze. He straightened up and wiped a bead of sweat from his face with the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he used his dirty hand, and the result looked like a creepy parody of a minstrel show.
“Did—you—put—that—boot—there, Smith?” he asked slowly.
“Did you put that boot there, Smith?” he asked slowly.
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Then what did you MEAN by putting it there?” roared Mr. Downing.
“Then what did you MEAN by putting it there?” yelled Mr. Downing.
“Animal spirits, sir,” said Psmith.
"Animal spirits, sir," Psmith said.
“WHAT!”
“What?!”
“Animal spirits, sir.”
“Animal spirits, sir.”
What Mr. Downing would have replied to this one cannot tell, though one can guess roughly. For, just as he was opening his mouth, Mr. Outwood, catching sight of his Chirgwin-like countenance, intervened.
What Mr. Downing would have said in response to this is uncertain, though one can make an educated guess. Just as he was about to speak, Mr. Outwood, noticing his Chirgwin-like face, jumped in.
“My dear Downing,” he said, “your face. It is positively covered with soot, positively. You must come and wash it. You are quite black. Really, you present a most curious appearance, most. Let me show you the way to my room.”
“My dear Downing,” he said, “your face. It’s completely covered in soot, completely. You need to go wash it. You’re totally black. Honestly, you look so strange, really. Let me show you to my room.”
In all times of storm and tribulation there comes a breaking-point, a point where the spirit definitely refuses to battle any longer against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Mr. Downing could not bear up against this crowning blow. He went down beneath it. In the language of the Ring, he took the count. It was the knock-out.
In every time of struggle and hardship, there comes a breaking point, a moment when the spirit just can’t fight against the unfair challenges of life anymore. Mr. Downing couldn’t handle this final blow. He collapsed under it. To put it in boxing terms, he was counted out. It was a knockout.
“Soot!” he murmured weakly. “Soot!”
“Soot!” he whispered weakly. “Soot!”
“Your face is covered, my dear fellow, quite covered.”
“Your face is covered, my friend, completely covered.”
“It certainly has a faintly sooty aspect, sir,” said Psmith.
“It definitely has a slightly dirty look, sir,” said Psmith.
His voice roused the sufferer to one last flicker of spirit.
His voice stirred the sufferer to a final burst of energy.
“You will hear more of this, Smith,” he said. “I say you will hear more of it.”
“You’ll hear more about this, Smith,” he said. “I’m telling you, you’ll hear more about it.”
Then he allowed Mr. Outwood to lead him out to a place where there were towels, soap, and sponges.
Then he let Mr. Outwood take him to a spot where there were towels, soap, and sponges.
When they had gone, Psmith went to the window, and hauled in the string. He felt the calm after-glow which comes to the general after a successfully conducted battle. It had been trying, of course, for a man of refinement, and it had cut into his afternoon, but on the whole it had been worth it.
When they left, Psmith walked to the window and pulled in the string. He felt the peaceful satisfaction that follows a well-fought battle. It had been challenging, of course, for someone with his refinement, and it had interrupted his afternoon, but overall, it had been worth it.
The problem now was what to do with the painted boot. It would take a lot of cleaning, he saw, even if he could get hold of the necessary implements for cleaning it. And he rather doubted if he would be able to do so. Edmund, the boot-boy, worked in some mysterious cell, far from the madding crowd, at the back of the house. In the boot-cupboard downstairs there would probably be nothing likely to be of any use.
The issue now was what to do with the painted boot. He realized it would take a lot of cleaning, even if he could find the right tools for it. And he wasn't so sure he could. Edmund, the boot-boy, worked in some hidden space, far from the chaos, at the rear of the house. In the boot cupboard downstairs, there probably wouldn’t be anything useful.
His fears were realised. The boot-cupboard was empty. It seemed to him that, for the time being, the best thing he could do would be to place the boot in safe hiding, until he should have thought out a scheme.
His fears came true. The boot cupboard was empty. For now, he thought the best thing to do would be to hide the boot safely, until he could come up with a plan.
Having restored the basket to its proper place, accordingly, he went up to the study again, and placed the red-toed boot in the chimney, at about the same height where Mr. Downing had found the other. Nobody would think of looking there a second time, and it was improbable that Mr. Outwood really would have the chimneys swept, as he had said. The odds were that he had forgotten about it already.
Having put the basket back in its right spot, he went back to the study and placed the red-toed boot in the chimney, roughly the same height where Mr. Downing had found the other one. No one would think to check there again, and it was unlikely that Mr. Outwood would actually have the chimneys cleaned, as he had mentioned. The chances were that he had already forgotten about it.
Psmith went to the bathroom to wash his hands again, with the feeling that he had done a good day’s work.
Psmith went to the bathroom to wash his hands again, feeling like he had accomplished a lot that day.
CHAPTER LII
ON THE TRAIL AGAIN
The most massive minds are apt to forget things at times. The most adroit plotters make their little mistakes. Psmith was no exception to the rule. He made the mistake of not telling Mike of the afternoon’s happenings.
The biggest brains can forget things sometimes. The best strategists can slip up a bit. Psmith was no different. He messed up by not telling Mike about what happened in the afternoon.
It was not altogether forgetfulness. Psmith was one of those people who like to carry through their operations entirely by themselves. Where there is only one in a secret the secret is more liable to remain unrevealed. There was nothing, he thought, to be gained from telling Mike. He forgot what the consequences might be if he did not.
It wasn't complete forgetfulness. Psmith was the kind of person who preferred to handle things on his own. When there's only one person in on a secret, it’s less likely to get out. He figured there was no benefit in telling Mike. He overlooked what might happen if he didn't.
So Psmith kept his own counsel, with the result that Mike went over to school on the Monday morning in pumps.
So Psmith kept his thoughts to himself, and as a result, Mike went to school on Monday morning in sneakers.
Edmund, summoned from the hinterland of the house to give his opinion why only one of Mike’s boots was to be found, had no views on the subject. He seemed to look on it as one of those things which no fellow can understand.
Edmund, called from the far part of the house to explain why only one of Mike’s boots was found, had no thoughts on the matter. He seemed to see it as one of those mysteries that no one can really grasp.
“’Ere’s one of ’em, Mr. Jackson,” he said, as if he hoped that Mike might be satisfied with a compromise.
“Here’s one of them, Mr. Jackson,” he said, as if he hoped that Mike might be okay with a compromise.
“One? What’s the good of that, Edmund, you chump? I can’t go over to school in one boot.”
“One? What’s the point of that, Edmund, you fool? I can’t go to school in just one boot.”
Edmund turned this over in his mind, and then said, “No, sir,” as much as to say, “I may have lost a boot, but, thank goodness, I can still understand sound reasoning.”
Edmund thought about this for a moment, then said, “No, sir,” as if to say, “I might have lost a boot, but at least I can still grasp sound reasoning.”
“Well, what am I to do? Where is the other boot?”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? Where’s the other boot?”
“Don’t know, Mr. Jackson,” replied Edmund to both questions.
“Not sure, Mr. Jackson,” Edmund replied to both questions.
“Well, I mean—Oh, dash it, there’s the bell.”
“Well, I mean—Oh, dang it, there’s the bell.”
And Mike sprinted off in the pumps he stood in.
And Mike ran off in the shoes he was wearing.
It is only a deviation from those ordinary rules of school life, which one observes naturally and without thinking, that enables one to realise how strong public-school prejudices really are. At a school, for instance, where the regulations say that coats only of black or dark blue are to be worn, a boy who appears one day in even the most respectable and unostentatious brown finds himself looked on with a mixture of awe and repulsion, which would be excessive if he had sand-bagged the headmaster. So in the case of boots. School rules decree that a boy shall go to his form-room in boots, There is no real reason why, if the day is fine, he should not wear shoes, should he prefer them. But, if he does, the thing creates a perfect sensation. Boys say, “Great Scott, what have you got on?” Masters say, “Jones, what are you wearing on your feet?” In the few minutes which elapse between the assembling of the form for call-over and the arrival of the form-master, some wag is sure either to stamp on the shoes, accompanying the act with some satirical remark, or else to pull one of them off, and inaugurate an impromptu game of football with it. There was once a boy who went to school one morning in elastic-sided boots....
It’s only when you break away from the usual rules of school life, which we follow automatically, that you start to see how deep public school prejudices really run. For example, in a school where the dress code requires only black or dark blue coats, a boy who shows up in even the most respectable and low-key brown coat is met with a mix of awe and disgust that would be excessive if he had just attacked the headmaster. The same goes for shoes. School rules say boys must wear boots to their classroom. There’s no real reason why, if it’s a nice day, he couldn’t wear shoes if he wanted to. But if he does, it creates a huge stir. Boys exclaim, “Wow, what are you wearing?” Teachers ask, “Jones, what’s on your feet?” In the few minutes between the roll call and the form-master arriving, some jokester is sure to either stomp on the shoes while making a funny comment or pull one off to start an impromptu game of football with it. There was once a boy who came to school one morning in elastic-sided boots...
Mike had always been coldly distant in his relations to the rest of his form, looking on them, with a few exceptions, as worms; and the form, since his innings against Downing’s on the Friday, had regarded Mike with respect. So that he escaped the ragging he would have had to undergo at Wrykyn in similar circumstances. It was only Mr. Downing who gave trouble.
Mike had always been pretty emotionally distant from the rest of his class, viewing most of them, with a few exceptions, as beneath him; and the class, since his performance against Downing’s on Friday, had looked at Mike with respect. Because of this, he avoided the teasing he would have faced at Wrykyn in similar situations. The only one causing problems was Mr. Downing.
There is a sort of instinct which enables some masters to tell when a boy in their form is wearing shoes instead of boots, just as people who dislike cats always know when one is in a room with them. They cannot see it, but they feel it in their bones.
There’s a kind of instinct that lets some teachers know when a student in their class is wearing shoes instead of boots, just like people who don’t like cats always know when there’s one in the same room. They can’t see it, but they can sense it in their bones.
Mr. Downing was perhaps the most bigoted anti-shoeist in the whole list of English schoolmasters. He waged war remorselessly against shoes. Satire, abuse, lines, detention—every weapon was employed by him in dealing with their wearers. It had been the late Dunster’s practice always to go over to school in shoes when, as he usually did, he felt shaky in the morning’s lesson. Mr. Downing always detected him in the first five minutes, and that meant a lecture of anything from ten minutes to a quarter of an hour on Untidy Habits and Boys Who Looked like Loafers—which broke the back of the morning’s work nicely. On one occasion, when a particularly tricky bit of Livy was on the bill of fare, Dunster had entered the form-room in heel-less Turkish bath-slippers, of a vivid crimson; and the subsequent proceedings, including his journey over to the house to change the heel-less atrocities, had seen him through very nearly to the quarter to eleven interval.
Mr. Downing was probably the most narrow-minded anti-shoe teacher in all of England. He relentlessly opposed shoes. He used every tactic imaginable—mockery, insults, busywork, detention—against anyone who wore them. Dunster, who had passed away, used to always wear shoes to school when he was feeling unsure about the morning lesson. Mr. Downing always caught him within the first five minutes, leading to a lecture that could last anywhere from ten minutes to fifteen on Messy Habits and Boys Who Looked Like Slackers—which effectively derailed the morning’s lessons. One time, when a particularly challenging part of Livy was on the agenda, Dunster walked into the classroom wearing bright red, heel-less Turkish bath slippers. The ensuing events, including his trip back to change out of those terrible slippers, nearly carried him all the way to the eleven o'clock break.
Mike, accordingly, had not been in his place for three minutes when Mr. Downing, stiffening like a pointer, called his name.
Mike had only been in his spot for three minutes when Mr. Downing, tensing up like a pointer dog, called his name.
“Yes, sir?” said Mike.
“Yes, sir?” replied Mike.
“What are you wearing on your feet, Jackson?”
What are you wearing on your feet, Jackson?
“Pumps, sir.”
“Pumps, sir.”
“You are wearing pumps? Are you not aware that PUMPS are not the proper things to come to school in? Why are you wearing PUMPS?”
“You're wearing pumps? Aren't you aware that pumps aren't appropriate for school? Why are you wearing pumps?”
The form, leaning back against the next row of desks, settled itself comfortably for the address from the throne.
The figure leaned back against the next row of desks, getting comfortable for the address from the throne.
“I have lost one of my boots, sir.”
“I've lost one of my boots, sir.”
A kind of gulp escaped from Mr. Downing’s lips. He stared at Mike for a moment in silence. Then, turning to Stone, he told him to start translating.
A sort of gulp slipped from Mr. Downing’s lips. He looked at Mike for a moment in silence. Then, turning to Stone, he told him to begin translating.
Stone, who had been expecting at least ten minutes’ respite, was taken unawares. When he found the place in his book and began to construe, he floundered hopelessly. But, to his growing surprise and satisfaction, the form-master appeared to notice nothing wrong. He said “Yes, yes,” mechanically, and finally “That will do,” whereupon Stone resumed his seat with the feeling that the age of miracles had returned.
Stone, who had been expecting at least ten minutes of a break, was caught off guard. When he found the part in his book and started to read, he completely stumbled. But, to his increasing surprise and satisfaction, the teacher didn’t seem to notice anything was off. He said “Yes, yes,” absentmindedly, and finally “That’s enough,” after which Stone sat back down, feeling like miracles had come back.
Mr. Downing’s mind was in a whirl. His case was complete. Mike’s appearance in shoes, with the explanation that he had lost a boot, completed the chain. As Columbus must have felt when his ship ran into harbour, and the first American interviewer, jumping on board, said, “Wal, sir, and what are your impressions of our glorious country?” so did Mr. Downing feel at that moment.
Mr. Downing’s mind was in a whirlwind. His case was complete. Mike showing up in shoes, explaining that he had lost a boot, tied everything together. Just like Columbus must have felt when his ship docked, and the first American interviewer jumped on board and asked, “Well, sir, what do you think of our amazing country?” Mr. Downing felt the same way at that moment.
When the bell rang at a quarter to eleven, he gathered up his gown, and sped to the headmaster.
When the bell rang at a quarter to eleven, he grabbed his gown and hurried to the headmaster.
CHAPTER LIII
THE KETTLE METHOD
It was during the interval that day that Stone and Robinson, discussing the subject of cricket over a bun and ginger-beer at the school shop, came to a momentous decision, to wit, that they were fed up with Adair administration and meant to strike. The immediate cause of revolt was early-morning fielding-practice, that searching test of cricket keenness. Mike himself, to whom cricket was the great and serious interest of life, had shirked early-morning fielding-practice in his first term at Wrykyn. And Stone and Robinson had but a luke-warm attachment to the game, compared with Mike’s.
It was during the break that day that Stone and Robinson, chatting about cricket over a bun and ginger beer at the school shop, made a crucial decision: they were tired of the Adair administration and decided to rebel. The immediate trigger for their revolt was the early-morning fielding practice, a true test of cricket enthusiasm. Mike, who considered cricket the most important and serious aspect of life, had avoided early-morning fielding practice during his first term at Wrykyn. Stone and Robinson, on the other hand, had only a mild interest in the game compared to Mike's passion.
As a rule, Adair had contented himself with practice in the afternoon after school, which nobody objects to; and no strain, consequently, had been put upon Stone’s and Robinson’s allegiance. In view of the M.C.C. match on the Wednesday, however, he had now added to this an extra dose to be taken before breakfast. Stone and Robinson had left their comfortable beds that day at six o’clock, yawning and heavy-eyed, and had caught catches and fielded drives which, in the cool morning air, had stung like adders and bitten like serpents. Until the sun has really got to work, it is no joke taking a high catch. Stone’s dislike of the experiment was only equalled by Robinson’s. They were neither of them of the type which likes to undergo hardships for the common good. They played well enough when on the field, but neither cared greatly whether the school had a good season or not. They played the game entirely for their own sakes.
As a rule, Adair was satisfied with practicing in the afternoons after school, which nobody minded; so there was no pressure on Stone's and Robinson's loyalty. However, with the M.C.C. match coming up on Wednesday, he had now added an extra session to be done before breakfast. That day, Stone and Robinson got out of their cozy beds at six o’clock, yawning and bleary-eyed, and had to catch high balls and field drives that, in the cool morning air, stung like wasps and bit like snakes. It’s no joke trying to take a high catch before the sun is really up. Stone's dislike for this was matched only by Robinson's. They weren't the type to willingly endure hardships for the greater good. They played well enough when they were on the field, but neither of them cared much whether the school had a good season or not. They played the game purely for their own enjoyment.
The result was that they went back to the house for breakfast with a never-again feeling, and at the earliest possible moment met to debate as to what was to be done about it. At all costs another experience like to-day’s must be avoided.
The result was that they went back to the house for breakfast with a never-again feeling, and at the earliest possible moment met to debate what to do about it. At all costs, they had to avoid another experience like today’s.
“It’s all rot,” said Stone. “What on earth’s the good of sweating about before breakfast? It only makes you tired.”
“It’s all nonsense,” said Stone. “What’s the point of stressing out before breakfast? It just makes you tired.”
“I shouldn’t wonder,” said Robinson, “if it wasn’t bad for the heart. Rushing about on an empty stomach, I mean, and all that sort of thing.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” said Robinson, “if it’s bad for the heart. Running around on an empty stomach, I mean, and all that kind of stuff.”
“Personally,” said Stone, gnawing his bun, “I don’t intend to stick it.”
“Honestly,” said Stone, biting into his bun, “I don’t plan to deal with it.”
“Nor do I.”
“Me neither.”
“I mean, it’s such absolute rot. If we aren’t good enough to play for the team without having to get up overnight to catch catches, he’d better find somebody else.”
“I mean, it’s complete nonsense. If we’re not good enough to play for the team without having to get up overnight to catch balls, he’d better find someone else.”
“Yes.”
"Yes."
At this moment Adair came into the shop.
At that moment, Adair walked into the shop.
“Fielding-practice again to-morrow,” he said briskly, “at six.”
“Fielding practice again tomorrow,” he said cheerfully, “at six.”
“Before breakfast?” said Robinson.
"Before breakfast?" Robinson asked.
“Rather. You two must buck up, you know. You were rotten to-day.” And he passed on, leaving the two malcontents speechless.
“Actually, you two need to toughen up, you know. You were terrible today.” And he walked away, leaving the two unhappy ones speechless.
Stone was the first to recover.
Stone was the first to bounce back.
“I’m hanged if I turn out to-morrow,” he said, as they left the shop. “He can do what he likes about it. Besides, what can he do, after all? Only kick us out of the team. And I don’t mind that.”
“I’ll be damned if I show up tomorrow,” he said as they left the shop. “He can do whatever he wants about it. Besides, what can he really do? Just kick us off the team. And I don’t care about that.”
“Nor do I.”
“Me neither.”
“I don’t think he will kick us out, either. He can’t play the M.C.C. with a scratch team. If he does, we’ll go and play for that village Jackson plays for. We’ll get Jackson to shove us into the team.”
“I don’t think he will kick us out, either. He can’t play the M.C.C. with a subpar team. If he does, we’ll go and play for that village Jackson plays for. We’ll get Jackson to help us get on the team.”
“All right,” said Robinson. “Let’s.”
“Okay,” said Robinson. “Let’s.”
Their position was a strong one. A cricket captain may seem to be an autocrat of tremendous power, but in reality he has only one weapon, the keenness of those under him. With the majority, of course, the fear of being excluded or ejected from a team is a spur that drives. The majority, consequently, are easily handled. But when a cricket captain runs up against a boy who does not much care whether he plays for the team or not, then he finds himself in a difficult position, and, unless he is a man of action, practically helpless.
Their position was a strong one. A cricket captain might appear to be a powerful autocrat, but in reality, his only real weapon is the enthusiasm of his teammates. For most players, the fear of being left out or kicked off the team is a motivating factor. Therefore, the majority of players are quite manageable. However, when a cricket captain faces a player who doesn’t really care about being on the team, he finds himself in a tough spot, and unless he is someone who takes charge, he is essentially powerless.
Stone and Robinson felt secure. Taking it all round, they felt that they would just as soon play for Lower Borlock as for the school. The bowling of the opposition would be weaker in the former case, and the chance of making runs greater. To a certain type of cricketer runs are runs, wherever and however made.
Stone and Robinson felt safe. Overall, they thought they’d be just as happy playing for Lower Borlock as for the school. The opposing team's bowling would be weaker in that case, and they’d have a better chance of scoring runs. For certain types of cricketers, runs are runs, no matter where or how they’re made.
The result of all this was that Adair, turning out with the team next morning for fielding-practice, found himself two short. Barnes was among those present, but of the other two representatives of Outwood’s house there were no signs.
The result of all this was that Adair, showing up with the team the next morning for fielding practice, found himself two players short. Barnes was among those present, but there were no signs of the other two representatives from Outwood’s house.
Barnes, questioned on the subject, had no information to give, beyond the fact that he had not seen them about anywhere. Which was not a great help. Adair proceeded with the fielding-practice without further delay.
Barnes, when asked about it, had no information to provide other than that he hadn’t seen them around at all. That wasn’t very helpful. Adair continued with the fielding practice without wasting any more time.
At breakfast that morning he was silent and apparently wrapped in thought. Mr. Downing, who sat at the top of the table with Adair on his right, was accustomed at the morning meal to blend nourishment of the body with that of the mind. As a rule he had ten minutes with the daily paper before the bell rang, and it was his practice to hand on the results of his reading to Adair and the other house-prefects, who, not having seen the paper, usually formed an interested and appreciative audience. To-day, however, though the house-prefects expressed varying degrees of excitement at the news that Tyldesley had made a century against Gloucestershire, and that a butter famine was expected in the United States, these world-shaking news-items seemed to leave Adair cold. He champed his bread and marmalade with an abstracted air.
At breakfast that morning, he was quiet and seemingly lost in thought. Mr. Downing, who sat at the head of the table with Adair on his right, was used to combining physical nourishment with mental stimulation during the morning meal. Typically, he would spend ten minutes with the daily newspaper before the bell rang, and he would share the highlights of his reading with Adair and the other house-prefects, who hadn’t seen the paper and usually listened with interest. However, today, even though the house-prefects reacted with various levels of excitement at the news that Tyldesley had scored a century against Gloucestershire and that a butter shortage was anticipated in the United States, these significant news items seemed to leave Adair unmoved. He chewed his bread and marmalade with a distant expression.
He was wondering what to do in this matter of Stone and Robinson.
He was thinking about what to do regarding Stone and Robinson.
Many captains might have passed the thing over. To take it for granted that the missing pair had overslept themselves would have been a safe and convenient way out of the difficulty. But Adair was not the sort of person who seeks for safe and convenient ways out of difficulties. He never shirked anything, physical or moral.
Many captains might have ignored it. Assuming that the missing pair had simply overslept would have been an easy and convenient solution. But Adair wasn’t the type of person to look for easy and convenient ways out of problems. He never avoided anything, whether it was physical or moral.
He resolved to interview the absentees.
He decided to interview those who were absent.
It was not until after school that an opportunity offered itself. He went across to Outwood’s and found the two non-starters in the senior day-room, engaged in the intellectual pursuit of kicking the wall and marking the height of each kick with chalk. Adair’s entrance coincided with a record effort by Stone, which caused the kicker to overbalance and stagger backwards against the captain.
It wasn't until after school that an opportunity came up. He went over to Outwood's and found the two students who hadn’t started in the senior day-room, busy with the intellectual activity of kicking the wall and chalking up the height of each kick. Adair walked in just as Stone made a record kick, causing him to lose his balance and stumble back against the captain.
“Sorry,” said Stone. “Hullo, Adair!”
“Sorry,” said Stone. “Hello, Adair!”
“Don’t mention it. Why weren’t you two at fielding-practice this morning?”
“Don’t worry about it. Why weren’t you guys at practice this morning?”
Robinson, who left the lead to Stone in all matters, said nothing. Stone spoke.
Robinson, who let Stone take charge in everything, said nothing. Stone spoke.
“We didn’t turn up,” he said.
“We didn’t show up,” he said.
“I know you didn’t. Why not?”
“I know you didn’t. Why not?”
Stone had rehearsed this scene in his mind, and he spoke with the coolness which comes from rehearsal.
Stone had practiced this scene in his mind, and he spoke with the calmness that comes from practice.
“We decided not to.”
"We chose not to."
“Oh?”
"Oh?"
“Yes. We came to the conclusion that we hadn’t any use for early-morning fielding.”
“Yes. We’ve concluded that early-morning fielding isn’t useful to us.”
Adair’s manner became ominously calm.
Adair's tone turned eerily calm.
“You were rather fed-up, I suppose?”
"You were pretty annoyed, I guess?"
“That’s just the word.”
"That's the word."
“Sorry it bored you.”
"Sorry it was boring."
“It didn’t. We didn’t give it the chance to.”
“It didn’t. We didn’t give it a chance.”
Robinson laughed appreciatively.
Robinson laughed with appreciation.
“What’s the joke, Robinson?” asked Adair.
“What’s the joke, Robinson?” Adair asked.
“There’s no joke,” said Robinson, with some haste. “I was only thinking of something.”
“There’s no joke,” said Robinson quickly. “I was just thinking about something.”
“I’ll give you something else to think about soon.”
“I’ll give you something else to think about shortly.”
Stone intervened.
Stone stepped in.
“It’s no good making a row about it, Adair. You must see that you can’t do anything. Of course, you can kick us out of the team, if you like, but we don’t care if you do. Jackson will get us a game any Wednesday or Saturday for the village he plays for. So we’re all right. And the school team aren’t such a lot of flyers that you can afford to go chucking people out of it whenever you want to. See what I mean?”
“It’s pointless to make a fuss about it, Adair. You have to realize that you can’t really do anything. Sure, you can kick us off the team if that’s what you want, but we won't be bothered by it. Jackson can set us up with a game any Wednesday or Saturday for the village he plays for. So we’ll be fine. And the school team isn’t so amazing that you can just throw people out whenever you feel like it. Do you get what I’m saying?”
“You and Jackson seem to have fixed it all up between you.”
“You and Jackson seem to have sorted everything out between you.”
“What are you going to do? Kick us out?”
“What are you going to do? Kick us out?”
“No.”
“No.”
“Good. I thought you’d see it was no good making a beastly row. We’ll play for the school all right. There’s no earthly need for us to turn out for fielding-practice before breakfast.”
“Good. I thought you’d realize that making a loud fuss is pointless. We’ll definitely play for the school. There’s absolutely no reason for us to show up for fielding practice before breakfast.”
“You don’t think there is? You may be right. All the same, you’re going to to-morrow morning.”
"You don't think there is? You might be right. Still, you’re going tomorrow morning."
“What!”
“Excuse me!”
“Six sharp. Don’t be late.”
"6 o'clock. Don't be late."
“Don’t be an ass, Adair. We’ve told you we aren’t going to.”
“Don’t be a jerk, Adair. We’ve told you we’re not going to.”
“That’s only your opinion. I think you are. I’ll give you till five past six, as you seem to like lying in bed.”
"That’s just your opinion. I think you are. I’ll give you until five past six, since you seem to like lying in bed."
“You can turn out if you feel like it. You won’t find me there.”
“You can show up if you want to. You won’t see me there.”
“That’ll be a disappointment. Nor Robinson?”
“That’ll be a letdown. Not Robinson?”
“No,” said the junior partner in the firm; but he said it without any deep conviction. The atmosphere was growing a great deal too tense for his comfort.
“No,” said the junior partner in the firm; but he said it without any real conviction. The atmosphere was getting way too tense for his comfort.
“You’ve quite made up your minds?”
“You’ve really made up your minds?”
“Yes,” said Stone.
“Yes,” Stone replied.
“Right,” said Adair quietly, and knocked him down.
“Okay,” Adair said quietly, and knocked him down.
He was up again in a moment. Adair had pushed the table back, and was standing in the middle of the open space.
He got up again in a moment. Adair had pushed the table back and was standing in the middle of the open space.
“You cad,” said Stone. “I wasn’t ready.”
“You jerk,” said Stone. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Well, you are now. Shall we go on?”
“Well, you are now. Shall we continue?”
Stone dashed in without a word, and for a few moments the two might have seemed evenly matched to a not too intelligent spectator. But science tells, even in a confined space. Adair was smaller and lighter than Stone, but he was cooler and quicker, and he knew more about the game. His blow was always home a fraction of a second sooner than his opponent’s. At the end of a minute Stone was on the floor again.
Stone rushed in without saying anything, and for a moment, to an unskilled observer, it might have looked like they were evenly matched. But science makes a difference, even in a small space. Adair was smaller and lighter than Stone, but he was calmer, faster, and had a better understanding of the game. His hits landed just a split second faster than his opponent's. By the end of a minute, Stone was on the floor again.
He got up slowly and stood leaning with one hand on the table.
He stood up slowly and leaned with one hand on the table.
“Suppose we say ten past six?” said Adair. “I’m not particular to a minute or two.”
“How about ten past six?” Adair suggested. “I’m not picky about a minute or two.”
Stone made no reply.
Stone didn't respond.
“Will ten past six suit you for fielding-practice to-morrow?” said Adair.
“Does ten past six work for you for fielding practice tomorrow?” said Adair.
“All right,” said Stone.
“Okay,” said Stone.
“Thanks. How about you, Robinson?”
“Thanks. How about you, Robinson?”
Robinson had been a petrified spectator of the Captain-Kettle-like manoeuvres of the cricket captain, and it did not take him long to make up his mind. He was not altogether a coward. In different circumstances he might have put up a respectable show. But it takes a more than ordinarily courageous person to embark on a fight which he knows must end in his destruction. Robinson knew that he was nothing like a match even for Stone, and Adair had disposed of Stone in a little over one minute. It seemed to Robinson that neither pleasure nor profit was likely to come from an encounter with Adair.
Robinson had been a stunned bystander to the Captain-Kettle-like moves of the cricket captain, and it didn’t take him long to make a decision. He wasn’t completely a coward. In different circumstances, he might have put up a decent fight. But it takes someone more than usually brave to start a battle that he knows will end in his defeat. Robinson knew that he wasn’t even close to being a match for Stone, and Adair had taken out Stone in just over a minute. It seemed to Robinson that there was neither enjoyment nor benefit to be gained from facing Adair.
“All right,” he said hastily, “I’ll turn up.”
“All right,” he said quickly, “I’ll show up.”
“Good,” said Adair. “I wonder if either of you chaps could tell me which is Jackson’s study.”
“Good,” Adair said. “I wonder if either of you guys could tell me which room is Jackson’s study.”
Stone was dabbing at his mouth with a handkerchief, a task which precluded anything in the shape of conversation; so Robinson replied that Mike’s study was the first you came to on the right of the corridor at the top of the stairs.
Stone was wiping his mouth with a napkin, which made talking impossible; so Robinson said that Mike’s study was the first door on the right in the hallway at the top of the stairs.
“Thanks,” said Adair. “You don’t happen to know if he’s in, I suppose?”
“Thanks,” Adair said. “You wouldn’t happen to know if he’s in, would you?”
“He went up with Smith a quarter of an hour ago. I don’t know if he’s still there.”
“He went up with Smith about fifteen minutes ago. I’m not sure if he’s still there.”
“I’ll go and see,” said Adair. “I should like a word with him if he isn’t busy.”
“I’ll go check,” said Adair. “I’d like to have a word with him if he’s not busy.”
CHAPTER LIV
ADAIR HAS A WORD WITH MIKE
Mike, all unconscious of the stirring proceedings which had been going on below stairs, was peacefully reading a letter he had received that morning from Strachan at Wrykyn, in which the successor to the cricket captaincy which should have been Mike’s had a good deal to say in a lugubrious strain. In Mike’s absence things had been going badly with Wrykyn. A broken arm, contracted in the course of some rash experiments with a day-boy’s motor-bicycle, had deprived the team of the services of Dunstable, the only man who had shown any signs of being able to bowl a side out. Since this calamity, wrote Strachan, everything had gone wrong. The M.C.C., led by Mike’s brother Reggie, the least of the three first-class-cricketing Jacksons, had smashed them by a hundred and fifty runs. Geddington had wiped them off the face of the earth. The Incogs, with a team recruited exclusively from the rabbit-hutch—not a well-known man on the side except Stacey, a veteran who had been playing for the club since Fuller Pilch’s time—had got home by two wickets. In fact, it was Strachan’s opinion that the Wrykyn team that summer was about the most hopeless gang of dead-beats that had ever made an exhibition of itself on the school grounds. The Ripton match, fortunately, was off, owing to an outbreak of mumps at that shrine of learning and athletics—the second outbreak of the malady in two terms. Which, said Strachan, was hard lines on Ripton, but a bit of jolly good luck for Wrykyn, as it had saved them from what would probably have been a record hammering, Ripton having eight of their last year’s team left, including Dixon, the fast bowler, against whom Mike alone of the Wrykyn team had been able to make runs in the previous season. Altogether, Wrykyn had struck a bad patch.
Mike, completely unaware of the chaotic events happening downstairs, was calmly reading a letter he had received that morning from Strachan at Wrykyn. In it, the new cricket captain, who had taken the role that should have been Mike's, had a lot to say in a gloomy tone. While Mike was away, things had been going downhill for Wrykyn. A broken arm, resulting from some reckless experiments with a day-boy’s motorbike, had left the team without Dunstable, the only player who had shown any ability to take wickets. Since that disaster, Strachan wrote, everything had gone wrong. The M.C.C., led by Mike’s brother Reggie, the least accomplished of the three first-class cricketing Jacksons, had beaten them by a hundred and fifty runs. Geddington had completely wiped them out. The Incogs, made up entirely of players from the rabbit-hutch—with only Stacey, a veteran who had been playing for the club since Fuller Pilch’s era, standing out—had won by two wickets. In fact, Strachan believed that the Wrykyn team that summer was one of the most hopeless groups of underperformers that had ever embarrassed itself on the school grounds. Fortunately, the match against Ripton was canceled due to a mumps outbreak at that center for learning and sports—the second outbreak in two terms. Strachan remarked that while it was unfortunate for Ripton, it was a stroke of luck for Wrykyn, as it spared them from what would likely have been a record defeat, since Ripton had kept eight players from last year’s team, including Dixon, the fast bowler, whom Mike was the only one from Wrykyn to score against in the previous season. Overall, Wrykyn was going through a rough time.
Mike mourned over his suffering school. If only he could have been there to help. It might have made all the difference. In school cricket one good batsman, to go in first and knock the bowlers off their length, may take a weak team triumphantly through a season. In school cricket the importance of a good start for the first wicket is incalculable.
Mike grieved for his troubled school. If only he could have been there to help. It could have changed everything. In school cricket, a strong batsman who goes in first and can take on the bowlers can lead a struggling team to success throughout the season. In school cricket, the significance of a good start for the first wicket is immense.
As he put Strachan’s letter away in his pocket, all his old bitterness against Sedleigh, which had been ebbing during the past few days, returned with a rush. He was conscious once more of that feeling of personal injury which had made him hate his new school on the first day of term.
As he tucked Strachan’s letter into his pocket, all the old bitterness he felt toward Sedleigh, which had been fading over the past few days, came rushing back. He once again felt that sense of personal hurt that had made him loathe his new school on the first day of term.
And it was at this point, when his resentment was at its height, that Adair, the concrete representative of everything Sedleighan, entered the room.
And it was at this moment, when his anger was at its peak, that Adair, the solid symbol of everything Sedleighan, walked into the room.
There are moments in life’s placid course when there has got to be the biggest kind of row. This was one of them.
There are times in life’s smooth journey when there has to be a massive conflict. This was one of those times.
Psmith, who was leaning against the mantelpiece, reading the serial story in a daily paper which he had abstracted from the senior day-room, made the intruder free of the study with a dignified wave of the hand, and went on reading. Mike remained in the deck-chair in which he was sitting, and contented himself with glaring at the newcomer.
Psmith, leaning against the mantelpiece and reading a serialized story in a daily paper he had taken from the senior day-room, gave the intruder a dignified wave of his hand to indicate that they were welcome in the study and continued reading. Mike stayed in the deck-chair he was in, simply glaring at the newcomer.
Psmith was the first to speak.
Psmith was the first to talk.
“If you ask my candid opinion,” he said, looking up from his paper, “I should say that young Lord Antony Trefusis was in the soup already. I seem to see the consommé splashing about his ankles. He’s had a note telling him to be under the oak-tree in the Park at midnight. He’s just off there at the end of this instalment. I bet Long Jack, the poacher, is waiting there with a sandbag. Care to see the paper, Comrade Adair? Or don’t you take any interest in contemporary literature?”
“If you want my honest opinion,” he said, looking up from his newspaper, “I’d say young Lord Antony Trefusis is already in trouble. I can picture him standing in a puddle. He’s received a note telling him to meet under the oak tree in the Park at midnight. He’s heading there at the end of this installment. I bet Long Jack, the poacher, is waiting there with a sandbag. Want to see the paper, Comrade Adair? Or are you not interested in modern literature?”
“Thanks,” said Adair. “I just wanted to speak to Jackson for a minute.”
“Thanks,” Adair said. “I just wanted to talk to Jackson for a minute.”
“Fate,” said Psmith, “has led your footsteps to the right place. That is Comrade Jackson, the Pride of the School, sitting before you.”
“Fate,” said Psmith, “has brought you to the right place. That's Comrade Jackson, the Pride of the School, sitting in front of you.”
“What do you want?” said Mike.
“What do you want?” Mike asked.
He suspected that Adair had come to ask him once again to play for the school. The fact that the M.C.C. match was on the following day made this a probable solution of the reason for his visit. He could think of no other errand that was likely to have set the head of Downing’s paying afternoon calls.
He thought Adair had come to ask him again to play for the school. The fact that the M.C.C. match was happening the next day made it likely that this was the reason for his visit. He couldn't think of any other reason that would have prompted the head of Downing’s to make afternoon calls.
“I’ll tell you in a minute. It won’t take long.”
“I’ll tell you in a minute. It won’t take long.”
“That,” said Psmith approvingly, “is right. Speed is the key-note of the present age. Promptitude. Despatch. This is no time for loitering. We must be strenuous. We must hustle. We must Do It Now. We——”
“That,” said Psmith with approval, “is correct. Speed is essential in today’s world. Being prompt. Getting things done quickly. This isn’t the time to dawdle. We need to be energetic. We have to hustle. We must Do It Now. We——”
“Buck up,” said Mike.
"Cheer up," said Mike.
“Certainly,” said Adair. “I’ve just been talking to Stone and Robinson.”
“Sure,” said Adair. “I was just talking to Stone and Robinson.”
“An excellent way of passing an idle half-hour,” said Psmith.
“Great way to spend a lazy half-hour,” said Psmith.
“We weren’t exactly idle,” said Adair grimly. “It didn’t last long, but it was pretty lively while it did. Stone chucked it after the first round.”
“We weren’t just sitting around,” said Adair grimly. “It didn’t last long, but it was pretty intense while it did. Stone threw in the towel after the first round.”
Mike got up out of his chair. He could not quite follow what all this was about, but there was no mistaking the truculence of Adair’s manner. For some reason, which might possibly be made clear later, Adair was looking for trouble, and Mike in his present mood felt that it would be a privilege to see that he got it.
Mike stood up from his chair. He couldn't exactly figure out what was going on, but there was no doubt about Adair’s aggressive attitude. For some reason that might be explained later, Adair was looking for a fight, and Mike, in his current mood, felt it would be a privilege to make sure he got it.
Psmith was regarding Adair through his eyeglass with pain and surprise.
Psmith was looking at Adair through his eyeglass, feeling both pain and surprise.
“Surely,” he said, “you do not mean us to understand that you have been brawling with Comrade Stone! This is bad hearing. I thought that you and he were like brothers. Such a bad example for Comrade Robinson, too. Leave us, Adair. We would brood. Oh, go thee, knave, I’ll none of thee. Shakespeare.”
“Surely,” he said, “you don’t expect us to believe that you’ve been brawling with Comrade Stone! That’s hard to swallow. I thought you and he were like brothers. What a terrible example for Comrade Robinson, too. Leave us, Adair. We want to think this over. Oh, get out of here, knave, I want nothing to do with you. Shakespeare.”
Psmith turned away, and resting his elbows on the mantelpiece, gazed at himself mournfully in the looking-glass.
Psmith turned away and leaned his elbows on the mantelpiece, looking at himself sadly in the mirror.
“I’m not the man I was,” he sighed, after a prolonged inspection. “There are lines on my face, dark circles beneath my eyes. The fierce rush of life at Sedleigh is wasting me away.”
“I’m not the man I used to be,” he sighed after a long look. “There are lines on my face and dark circles under my eyes. The intense pace of life at Sedleigh is wearing me down.”
“Stone and I had a discussion about early-morning fielding-practice,” said Adair, turning to Mike.
“Stone and I talked about early-morning fielding practice,” Adair said, turning to Mike.
Mike said nothing.
Mike stayed silent.
“I thought his fielding wanted working up a bit, so I told him to turn out at six to-morrow morning. He said he wouldn’t, so we argued it out. He’s going to all right. So is Robinson.”
“I thought his fielding needed some improvement, so I told him to show up at six tomorrow morning. He said he wouldn’t, so we discussed it. He’s going to, for sure. So is Robinson.”
Mike remained silent.
Mike stayed quiet.
“So are you,” added Adair.
"Same to you," added Adair.
“I get thinner and thinner,” said Psmith from the mantelpiece.
“I’m getting thinner and thinner,” said Psmith from the mantelpiece.
Mike looked at Adair, and Adair looked at Mike, after the manner of two dogs before they fly at one another. There was an electric silence in the study. Psmith peered with increased earnestness into the glass.
Mike looked at Adair, and Adair looked at Mike, like two dogs about to leap at each other. There was a tense silence in the study. Psmith gazed into the glass with even more intensity.
“Oh?” said Mike at last. “What makes you think that?”
“Oh?” Mike finally said. “What makes you think that?”
“I don’t think. I know.”
“I don’t think; I know.”
“Any special reason for my turning out?”
“Is there any particular reason for me being out?”
“Yes.”
“Yup.”
“What’s that?”
"What's that?"
“You’re going to play for the school against the M.C.C. to-morrow, and I want you to get some practice.”
“You’re going to play for the school against the M.C.C. tomorrow, and I want you to get some practice.”
“I wonder how you got that idea!”
“I’m curious how you came up with that idea!”
“Curious I should have done, isn’t it?”
“Isn’t it curious that I would have done that?”
“Very. You aren’t building on it much, are you?” said Mike politely.
“Very. You’re not working on it a lot, are you?” Mike said politely.
“I am, rather,” replied Adair with equal courtesy.
“I am, actually,” replied Adair with the same politeness.
“I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”
"I'm sorry you'll be let down."
“I don’t think so.”
"I don't think so."
“My eyes,” said Psmith regretfully, “are a bit close together. However,” he added philosophically, “it’s too late to alter that now.”
“My eyes,” Psmith said regretfully, “are a little too close together. But,” he added thoughtfully, “it's too late to change that now.”
Mike drew a step closer to Adair.
Mike took a step closer to Adair.
“What makes you think I shall play against the M.C.C.?” he asked curiously.
“What makes you think I’ll play against the M.C.C.?” he asked, intrigued.
“I’m going to make you.”
"I'm gonna make you."
Mike took another step forward. Adair moved to meet him.
Mike took another step forward. Adair moved to meet him.
“Would you care to try now?” said Mike.
“Would you like to give it a go now?” Mike asked.
For just one second the two drew themselves together preparatory to beginning the serious business of the interview, and in that second Psmith, turning from the glass, stepped between them.
For just a moment, the two of them leaned in closer, getting ready to start the serious part of the interview, and in that moment, Psmith, turning away from the mirror, stepped between them.
“Get out of the light, Smith,” said Mike.
“Get out of the light, Smith,” Mike said.
Psmith waved him back with a deprecating gesture.
Psmith waved him off with a dismissive gesture.
“My dear young friends,” he said placidly, “if you will let your angry passions rise, against the direct advice of Doctor Watts, I suppose you must. But when you propose to claw each other in my study, in the midst of a hundred fragile and priceless ornaments, I lodge a protest. If you really feel that you want to scrap, for goodness sake do it where there’s some room. I don’t want all the study furniture smashed. I know a bank whereon the wild thyme grows, only a few yards down the road, where you can scrap all night if you want to. How would it be to move on there? Any objections? None? Then shift ho! and let’s get it over.”
“My dear young friends,” he said calmly, “if you’re going to let your tempers flare up, against Doctor Watts' clear advice, I guess you will. But when you plan to go at each other in my study, surrounded by a hundred delicate and valuable items, I have to object. If you really feel the need to fight, for goodness’ sake, do it somewhere with more space. I’d rather not have all the furniture in my study broken. I know a place just down the road where wild thyme grows, and you can fight all night if you want. How about we head there? Any objections? None? Then let’s move out and get it over with.”
CHAPTER LV
CLEARING THE AIR
Psmith was one of those people who lend a dignity to everything they touch. Under his auspices the most unpromising ventures became somehow enveloped in an atmosphere of measured stateliness. On the present occasion, what would have been, without his guiding hand, a mere unscientific scramble, took on something of the impressive formality of the National Sporting Club.
Psmith was one of those people who give a sense of dignity to everything they touch. Under his influence, the most unlikely projects somehow took on an air of measured elegance. In this case, what would have been, without his guidance, just a chaotic attempt turned into something that resembled the impressive formality of the National Sporting Club.
“The rounds,” he said, producing a watch, as they passed through a gate into a field a couple of hundred yards from the house gate, “will be of three minutes’ duration, with a minute rest in between. A man who is down will have ten seconds in which to rise. Are you ready, Comrades Adair and Jackson? Very well, then. Time.”
“The rounds,” he said, pulling out a watch as they walked through a gate into a field a couple of hundred yards from the house gate, “will last three minutes, with a one-minute break in between. A person who falls will have ten seconds to get back up. Are you ready, Comrades Adair and Jackson? Alright then. Go.”
After which, it was a pity that the actual fight did not quite live up to its referee’s introduction. Dramatically, there should have been cautious sparring for openings and a number of tensely contested rounds, as if it had been the final of a boxing competition. But school fights, when they do occur—which is only once in a decade nowadays, unless you count junior school scuffles—are the outcome of weeks of suppressed bad blood, and are consequently brief and furious. In a boxing competition, however much one may want to win, one does not dislike one’s opponent. Up to the moment when “time” was called, one was probably warmly attached to him, and at the end of the last round one expects to resume that attitude of mind. In a fight each party, as a rule, hates the other.
After that, it was a shame that the actual fight didn't really match the referee's introduction. Dramatically, there should have been careful sparring for openings and a number of heated rounds, as if it were the final of a boxing match. But school fights, when they do happen—which is only once a decade these days, unless you count junior school scuffles—are the result of weeks of built-up tension and are therefore short and intense. In a boxing match, no matter how much one wants to win, you don’t actually dislike your opponent. Up until the moment “time” is called, you’re probably feeling a camaraderie with them, and after the last round, you expect to go back to that mindset. In a fight, though, usually both sides genuinely hate each other.
So it happened that there was nothing formal or cautious about the present battle. All Adair wanted was to get at Mike, and all Mike wanted was to get at Adair. Directly Psmith called “time,” they rushed together as if they meant to end the thing in half a minute.
So it turned out that there was nothing formal or careful about the current fight. All Adair wanted was to take on Mike, and all Mike wanted was to take on Adair. As soon as Psmith called "time," they charged at each other like they intended to finish it in no time.
It was this that saved Mike. In an ordinary contest with the gloves, with his opponent cool and boxing in his true form, he could not have lasted three rounds against Adair. The latter was a clever boxer, while Mike had never had a lesson in his life. If Adair had kept away and used his head, nothing could have prevented him winning.
It was this that saved Mike. In a normal match with gloves, facing his opponent who was calm and boxing at his best, Mike wouldn't have lasted three rounds against Adair. Adair was a skilled boxer, while Mike had never taken a lesson in his life. If Adair had stayed back and played smart, nothing could have stopped him from winning.
As it was, however, he threw away his advantages, much as Tom Brown did at the beginning of his fight with Slogger Williams, and the result was the same as on that historic occasion. Mike had the greater strength, and, thirty seconds from the start, knocked his man clean off his feet with an unscientific but powerful right-hander.
As it was, though, he threw away his advantages, just like Tom Brown did at the start of his fight with Slogger Williams, and the outcome was the same as that historic moment. Mike had more strength, and about thirty seconds in, he knocked his opponent flat on his back with a powerful but clumsy right hook.
This finished Adair’s chances. He rose full of fight, but with all the science knocked out of him. He went in at Mike with both hands. The Irish blood in him, which for the ordinary events of life made him merely energetic and dashing, now rendered him reckless. He abandoned all attempt at guarding. It was the Frontal Attack in its most futile form, and as unsuccessful as a frontal attack is apt to be. There was a swift exchange of blows, in the course of which Mike’s left elbow, coming into contact with his opponent’s right fist, got a shock which kept it tingling for the rest of the day; and then Adair went down in a heap.
This ended Adair’s chances. He got up ready to fight, but all his skill was gone. He went at Mike with both fists. The Irish blood in him, which usually made him energetic and bold in everyday life, now made him reckless. He stopped trying to defend himself. It was a frontal attack in its most pointless form, and as unsuccessful as a frontal attack usually is. They exchanged blows quickly, during which Mike’s left elbow hit Adair’s right fist, giving it a shock that kept it tingling for the rest of the day; then Adair collapsed in a heap.
He got up slowly and with difficulty. For a moment he stood blinking vaguely. Then he lurched forward at Mike.
He got up slowly and with great effort. For a moment, he stood there blinking, looking confused. Then he stumbled forward toward Mike.
In the excitement of a fight—which is, after all, about the most exciting thing that ever happens to one in the course of one’s life—it is difficult for the fighters to see what the spectators see. Where the spectators see an assault on an already beaten man, the fighter himself only sees a legitimate piece of self-defence against an opponent whose chances are equal to his own. Psmith saw, as anybody looking on would have seen, that Adair was done. Mike’s blow had taken him within a fraction of an inch of the point of the jaw, and he was all but knocked out. Mike could not see this. All he understood was that his man was on his feet again and coming at him, so he hit out with all his strength; and this time Adair went down and stayed down.
In the heat of a fight—which is, after all, one of the most thrilling things that can happen in life—it’s hard for the fighters to see what the spectators see. While the spectators witness an attack on a man who’s already been defeated, the fighter only sees a legitimate act of self-defense against an opponent who seems to have an equal chance. Psmith recognized, just like anyone watching would have, that Adair was finished. Mike’s punch had come dangerously close to the point of Adair’s jaw, and he was nearly knocked out. Mike couldn’t see this. All he knew was that his opponent was back on his feet and charging at him, so he swung with all his might; this time Adair went down and stayed down.
“Brief,” said Psmith, coming forward, “but exciting. We may take that, I think, to be the conclusion of the entertainment. I will now have a dash at picking up the slain. I shouldn’t stop, if I were you. He’ll be sitting up and taking notice soon, and if he sees you he may want to go on with the combat, which would do him no earthly good. If it’s going to be continued in our next, there had better be a bit of an interval for alterations and repairs first.”
“Brief,” said Psmith, stepping forward, “but exciting. I think we can consider that the end of the show. I’m going to try and collect the fallen. I wouldn't linger, if I were you. He’ll be back to his senses soon, and if he spots you, he might want to continue the fight, which wouldn’t benefit him at all. If this is going to carry on in our next episode, we should definitely take a break for some adjustments and repairs first.”
“Is he hurt much, do you think?” asked Mike. He had seen knock-outs before in the ring, but this was the first time he had ever effected one on his own account, and Adair looked unpleasantly corpse-like.
“Do you think he’s really hurt?” asked Mike. He had seen knockouts before in the ring, but this was the first time he had actually caused one himself, and Adair looked disturbingly lifeless.
“He’s all right,” said Psmith. “In a minute or two he’ll be skipping about like a little lambkin. I’ll look after him. You go away and pick flowers.”
He's fine," said Psmith. "In a minute or two, he'll be bouncing around like a little lamb. I'll take care of him. You go on and pick flowers."
Mike put on his coat and walked back to the house. He was conscious of a perplexing whirl of new and strange emotions, chief among which was a curious feeling that he rather liked Adair. He found himself thinking that Adair was a good chap, that there was something to be said for his point of view, and that it was a pity he had knocked him about so much. At the same time, he felt an undeniable thrill of pride at having beaten him. The feat presented that interesting person, Mike Jackson, to him in a fresh and pleasing light, as one who had had a tough job to face and had carried it through. Jackson, the cricketer, he knew, but Jackson, the deliverer of knock-out blows, was strange to him, and he found this new acquaintance a man to be respected.
Mike put on his coat and walked back to the house. He was aware of a confusing mix of new and strange emotions, chief among them being a curious feeling that he actually liked Adair. He found himself thinking that Adair was a good guy, that there was something worthwhile about his perspective, and that it was a shame he had hit him so much. At the same time, he felt an undeniable rush of pride at having beaten him. This accomplishment showed Mike Jackson in a new and appealing light, as someone who had faced a tough challenge and succeeded. He knew Jackson as a cricketer, but Jackson as someone who delivered knock-out punches was unfamiliar to him, and he discovered this new side of him was someone to be respected.
The fight, in fact, had the result which most fights have, if they are fought fairly and until one side has had enough. It revolutionised Mike’s view of things. It shook him up, and drained the bad blood out of him. Where, before, he had seemed to himself to be acting with massive dignity, he now saw that he had simply been sulking like some wretched kid. There had appeared to him something rather fine in his policy of refusing to identify himself in any way with Sedleigh, a touch of the stone-walls-do-not-a-prison-make sort of thing. He now saw that his attitude was to be summed up in the words, “Sha’n’t play.”
The fight ended up like most fights do, if they’re fair and one side just decides they’ve had enough. It changed Mike’s perspective completely. It shook him up and cleared out all his negative feelings. Where he once thought he was handling things with a lot of dignity, he now realized he had just been sulking like a miserable kid. He used to feel there was something noble about refusing to connect himself with Sedleigh, like a "stone walls don’t make a prison" kind of thing. Now, he recognized that his attitude could be summed up with the words, “I won’t play.”
It came upon Mike with painful clearness that he had been making an ass of himself.
It suddenly hit Mike with painful clarity that he had been making a fool of himself.
He had come to this conclusion, after much earnest thought, when Psmith entered the study.
He had reached this conclusion after a lot of serious thought when Psmith walked into the study.
“How’s Adair?” asked Mike.
“How's Adair doing?” asked Mike.
“Sitting up and taking nourishment once more. We have been chatting. He’s not a bad cove.”
“Sitting up and eating again. We’ve been talking. He’s not a bad guy.”
“He’s all right,” said Mike.
“He’s fine,” said Mike.
There was a pause. Psmith straightened his tie.
There was a pause. Psmith straightened his tie.
“Look here,” he said, “I seldom interfere in terrestrial strife, but it seems to me that there’s an opening here for a capable peace-maker, not afraid of work, and willing to give his services in exchange for a comfortable home. Comrade Adair’s rather a stoutish fellow in his way. I’m not much on the ‘Play up for the old school, Jones,’ game, but every one to his taste. I shouldn’t have thought anybody would get overwhelmingly attached to this abode of wrath, but Comrade Adair seems to have done it. He’s all for giving Sedleigh a much-needed boost-up. It’s not a bad idea in its way. I don’t see why one shouldn’t humour him. Apparently he’s been sweating since early childhood to buck the school up. And as he’s leaving at the end of the term, it mightn’t be a scaly scheme to give him a bit of a send-off, if possible, by making the cricket season a bit of a banger. As a start, why not drop him a line to say that you’ll play against the M.C.C. to-morrow?”
“Listen,” he said, “I rarely get involved in earthly disputes, but I think there’s an opportunity here for a skilled peace-maker who isn’t afraid of hard work and is willing to offer their services in exchange for a nice place to live. Comrade Adair is kind of a hefty guy in his own way. I’m not really into the ‘Support the old school, Jones,’ vibe, but to each their own. I wouldn’t have thought anyone could get overly attached to this place of conflict, but Comrade Adair seems to have done just that. He’s all about giving Sedleigh the boost it desperately needs. It’s not a bad idea, really. I don’t see why we shouldn’t humor him. Apparently, he’s been working hard since childhood to improve the school. And since he’s leaving at the end of the term, it might be a good idea to give him a proper send-off, if we can, by making the cricket season a memorable one. To start, why not drop him a note to say that you’ll play against the M.C.C. tomorrow?”
Mike did not reply at once. He was feeling better disposed towards Adair and Sedleigh than he had felt, but he was not sure that he was quite prepared to go as far as a complete climb-down.
Mike didn’t reply right away. He felt more favorably toward Adair and Sedleigh than he had before, but he wasn’t sure he was totally ready to back down completely.
“It wouldn’t be a bad idea,” continued Psmith. “There’s nothing like giving a man a bit in every now and then. It broadens the soul and improves the action of the skin. What seems to have fed up Comrade Adair, to a certain extent, is that Stone apparently led him to understand that you had offered to give him and Robinson places in your village team. You didn’t, of course?”
“It wouldn’t be a bad idea,” Psmith continued. “There’s nothing like giving a guy a break every now and then. It broadens the soul and improves the way you carry yourself. What seems to have frustrated Comrade Adair, to some extent, is that Stone apparently made him think you were offering him and Robinson spots on your village team. You didn’t, right?”
“Of course not,” said Mike indignantly.
“Of course not,” Mike said angrily.
“I told him he didn’t know the old noblesse oblige spirit of the Jacksons. I said that you would scorn to tarnish the Jackson escutcheon by not playing the game. My eloquence convinced him. However, to return to the point under discussion, why not?”
“I told him he didn't understand the old noblesse oblige spirit of the Jacksons. I said that you would never tarnish the Jackson name by not playing the game. My persuasive words convinced him. However, to get back to the topic we were discussing, why not?”
“I don’t—What I mean to say—” began Mike.
“I don’t—What I mean is—” began Mike.
“If your trouble is,” said Psmith, “that you fear that you may be in unworthy company——”
“If your problem is,” said Psmith, “that you're worried you might be in the company of unworthy people——”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“Don’t be a jerk.”
“——Dismiss it. I am playing.”
"—Forget it. I am playing."
Mike stared.
Mike was staring.
“You’re what? You?”
"You are what? You?"
“I,” said Psmith, breathing on a coat-button, and polishing it with his handkerchief.
“I,” said Psmith, breathing on a coat button and polishing it with his handkerchief.
“Can you play cricket?”
“Can you play cricket?”
“You have discovered,” said Psmith, “my secret sorrow.”
"You've found out," said Psmith, "my hidden pain."
“You’re rotting.”
"You’re decomposing."
“You wrong me, Comrade Jackson.”
"You've betrayed me, Comrade Jackson."
“Then why haven’t you played?”
“Then why haven’t you played yet?”
“Why haven’t you?”
“Why haven't you done it?”
“Why didn’t you come and play for Lower Borlock, I mean?”
“Why didn’t you come and play for Lower Borlock, I mean?”
“The last time I played in a village cricket match I was caught at point by a man in braces. It would have been madness to risk another such shock to my system. My nerves are so exquisitely balanced that a thing of that sort takes years off my life.”
“The last time I played in a village cricket match, I got caught at point by a guy in suspenders. It would have been crazy to put my system through that again. My nerves are so finely tuned that something like that ages me.”
“No, but look here, Smith, bar rotting. Are you really any good at cricket?”
“No, but look here, Smith, aside from the rotting bar, are you actually good at cricket?”
“Competent judges at Eton gave me to understand so. I was told that this year I should be a certainty for Lord’s. But when the cricket season came, where was I? Gone. Gone like some beautiful flower that withers in the night.”
“Competent judges at Eton made that clear to me. I was told that this year I would definitely make it to Lord’s. But when the cricket season arrived, where was I? Gone. Gone like a beautiful flower that wilts in the night.”
“But you told me you didn’t like cricket. You said you only liked watching it.”
“But you told me you didn’t like cricket. You said you only enjoyed watching it.”
“Quite right. I do. But at schools where cricket is compulsory you have to overcome your private prejudices. And in time the thing becomes a habit. Imagine my feelings when I found that I was degenerating, little by little, into a slow left-hand bowler with a swerve. I fought against it, but it was useless, and after a while I gave up the struggle, and drifted with the stream. Last year, in a house match”—Psmith’s voice took on a deeper tone of melancholy—“I took seven for thirteen in the second innings on a hard wicket. I did think, when I came here, that I had found a haven of rest, but it was not to be. I turn out to-morrow. What Comrade Outwood will say, when he finds that his keenest archaeological disciple has deserted, I hate to think. However——”
“That's right. I do. But at schools where cricket is mandatory, you have to set aside your personal biases. Over time, it just becomes a habit. Imagine how I felt when I realized I was gradually turning into a slow left-arm bowler with a curve. I tried to fight it, but it was pointless, and eventually, I gave up the battle and went with the flow. Last year, during a house match”—Psmith’s voice took on a deeper tone of sadness—“I took seven wickets for thirteen runs in the second innings on a tough pitch. I really thought, when I got here, that I had found a place to relax, but that wasn’t meant to be. I’m playing tomorrow. I can’t stand to think about what Comrade Outwood will say when he discovers that his most enthusiastic archaeology student has left. But anyway——”
Mike felt as if a young and powerful earthquake had passed. The whole face of his world had undergone a quick change. Here was he, the recalcitrant, wavering on the point of playing for the school, and here was Psmith, the last person whom he would have expected to be a player, stating calmly that he had been in the running for a place in the Eton eleven.
Mike felt like a strong, youthful earthquake had just hit. Everything in his world had changed in an instant. There he was, hesitant and unsure about playing for the school, and then there was Psmith, the last person he would have imagined as a player, casually saying that he had been trying out for a spot on the Eton eleven.
Then in a flash Mike understood. He was not by nature intuitive, but he read Psmith’s mind now. Since the term began, he and Psmith had been acting on precisely similar motives. Just as he had been disappointed of the captaincy of cricket at Wrykyn, so had Psmith been disappointed of his place in the Eton team at Lord’s. And they had both worked it off, each in his own way—Mike sullenly, Psmith whimsically, according to their respective natures—on Sedleigh.
Then, in an instant, Mike got it. He wasn’t usually intuitive, but he understood Psmith’s thoughts now. Since the term started, he and Psmith had both been driven by the same reasons. Just as he had been let down about the cricket captaincy at Wrykyn, Psmith had also been disappointed about his spot in the Eton team at Lord’s. And they had both dealt with it, each in his own way—Mike gloomily, Psmith playfully, reflecting their different natures—on Sedleigh.
If Psmith, therefore, did not consider it too much of a climb-down to renounce his resolution not to play for Sedleigh, there was nothing to stop Mike doing so, as—at the bottom of his heart—he wanted to do.
If Psmith didn’t think it was too much of a defeat to give up his decision not to play for Sedleigh, there was nothing stopping Mike from doing the same, since deep down, that’s what he wanted to do.
“By Jove,” he said, “if you’re playing, I’ll play. I’ll write a note to Adair now. But, I say—” he stopped—“I’m hanged if I’m going to turn out and field before breakfast to-morrow.”
“By Jove,” he said, “if you’re playing, I’ll play. I’ll write a note to Adair now. But, I’ve got to say—” he paused—“there's no way I’m getting up and playing in the field before breakfast tomorrow.”
“That’s all right. You won’t have to. Adair won’t be there himself. He’s not playing against the M.C.C. He’s sprained his wrist.”
"That’s okay. You won’t need to. Adair won’t be there himself. He’s not playing against the M.C.C. He hurt his wrist."
CHAPTER LVI
IN WHICH PEACE IS DECLARED
“Sprained his wrist?” said Mike. “How did he do that?”
“Sprained his wrist?” Mike said. “How did that happen?”
“During the brawl. Apparently one of his efforts got home on your elbow instead of your expressive countenance, and whether it was that your elbow was particularly tough or his wrist particularly fragile, I don’t know. Anyhow, it went. It’s nothing bad, but it’ll keep him out of the game to-morrow.”
“During the fight. Apparently one of his punches landed on your elbow instead of your face, and I’m not sure if your elbow was just really tough or his wrist was weak. Anyway, it happened. It’s nothing serious, but it’ll keep him out of the game tomorrow.”
“I say, what beastly rough luck! I’d no idea. I’ll go round.”
“I can’t believe my bad luck! I had no clue. I’ll go around.”
“Not a bad scheme. Close the door gently after you, and if you see anybody downstairs who looks as if he were likely to be going over to the shop, ask him to get me a small pot of some rare old jam and tell the man to chalk it up to me. The jam Comrade Outwood supplies to us at tea is all right as a practical joke or as a food for those anxious to commit suicide, but useless to anybody who values life.”
“Not a bad plan. Close the door quietly behind you, and if you see anyone downstairs who looks like they're heading to the shop, ask them to pick me up a small jar of some rare old jam and tell the man to put it on my tab. The jam that Comrade Outwood gives us at tea is fine as a joke or for those wanting to end it all, but it's worthless to anyone who actually enjoys living.”
On arriving at Mr. Downing’s and going to Adair’s study, Mike found that his late antagonist was out. He left a note informing him of his willingness to play in the morrow’s match. The lock-up bell rang as he went out of the house.
On arriving at Mr. Downing’s and going to Adair’s study, Mike found that his late opponent was out. He left a note letting him know he was willing to play in tomorrow’s match. The lock-up bell rang as he left the house.
A spot of rain fell on his hand. A moment later there was a continuous patter, as the storm, which had been gathering all day, broke in earnest. Mike turned up his coat-collar, and ran back to Outwood’s. “At this rate,” he said to himself, “there won’t be a match at all to-morrow.”
A drop of rain landed on his hand. A moment later, it started to pour as the storm that had been building all day finally unleashed. Mike turned up his coat collar and sprinted back to Outwood’s. “At this rate,” he thought, “there won’t be a match tomorrow at all.”
When the weather decides, after behaving well for some weeks, to show what it can do in another direction, it does the thing thoroughly. When Mike woke the next morning the world was grey and dripping. Leaden-coloured clouds drifted over the sky, till there was not a trace of blue to be seen, and then the rain began again, in the gentle, determined way rain has when it means to make a day of it.
When the weather changes after being nice for a few weeks, it really goes all out. When Mike woke up the next morning, everything was grey and wet. Heavy clouds covered the sky, leaving no hint of blue, and then the rain started up again, softly yet persistently, just like rain does when it plans to stick around all day.
It was one of those bad days when one sits in the pavilion, damp and depressed, while figures in mackintoshes, with discoloured buckskin boots, crawl miserably about the field in couples.
It was one of those tough days when you sit in the pavilion, damp and down, while people in raincoats, with faded leather boots, crawl sadly around the field in pairs.
Mike, shuffling across to school in a Burberry, met Adair at Downing’s gate.
Mike, walking over to school in a Burberry, met Adair at Downing's gate.
These moments are always difficult. Mike stopped—he could hardly walk on as if nothing had happened—and looked down at his feet.
These moments are always tough. Mike stopped—he could barely walk on like nothing had happened—and looked down at his feet.
“Coming across?” he said awkwardly.
"Are you coming over?" he said awkwardly.
“Right ho!” said Adair.
"Sure thing!" said Adair.
They walked on in silence.
They walked on quietly.
“It’s only about ten to, isn’t it?” said Mike.
“It’s only about ten to, right?” said Mike.
Adair fished out his watch, and examined it with an elaborate care born of nervousness.
Adair pulled out his watch and looked at it with a level of detail that showed how nervous he was.
“About nine to.”
"About nine."
“Good. We’ve got plenty of time.”
"Great. We have more than enough time."
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“I hate having to hurry over to school.”
“I hate having to rush to school.”
“So do I.”
"Same here."
“I often do cut it rather fine, though.”
"I often push it pretty close, though."
“Yes. So do I.”
“Yeah. Same here.”
“Beastly nuisance when one does.”
"Real hassle when one does."
“Beastly.”
"Beastly."
“It’s only about a couple of minutes from the houses to the school, I should think, shouldn’t you?”
“It’s just a couple of minutes from the houses to the school, right?”
“Not much more. Might be three.”
“Not much more. Might be three.”
“Yes. Three if one didn’t hurry.”
“Yes. Three if you didn't rush.”
“Oh, yes, if one didn’t hurry.”
“Oh, yes, if you didn’t rush.”
Another silence.
Another quiet moment.
“Beastly day,” said Adair.
“Rough day,” said Adair.
“Rotten.”
"Bad."
Silence again.
Silence once more.
“I say,” said Mike, scowling at his toes, “awfully sorry about your wrist.”
“I say,” Mike said, frowning at his toes, “I’m really sorry about your wrist.”
“Oh, that’s all right. It was my fault.”
“Oh, that's okay. It was my mistake.”
“Does it hurt?”
"Does it hurt?"
“Oh, no, rather not, thanks.”
“Oh, no, I'd rather not, thanks.”
“I’d no idea you’d crocked yourself.”
“I had no idea you hurt yourself.”
“Oh, no, that’s all right. It was only right at the end. You’d have smashed me anyhow.”
“Oh, no, that’s fine. It was just right at the end. You would have taken me down anyway.”
“Oh, rot.”
“Oh, gross.”
“I bet you anything you like you would.”
“I bet you anything you want you would.”
“I bet you I shouldn’t.... Jolly hard luck, just before the match.”
“I bet I shouldn’t.... Such bad luck, right before the game.”
“Oh, no.... I say, thanks awfully for saying you’d play.”
“Oh, no.... I really appreciate you agreeing to play.”
“Oh, rot.... Do you think we shall get a game?”
“Oh, come on... Do you think we'll actually get to play a game?”
Adair inspected the sky carefully.
Adair examined the sky closely.
“I don’t know. It looks pretty bad, doesn’t it?”
"I don't know. It looks pretty bad, doesn't it?"
“Rotten. I say, how long will your wrist keep you out of cricket?”
“Rotten. I ask, how long will your wrist keep you from playing cricket?”
“Be all right in a week. Less, probably.”
“Should be fine in a week. Maybe even less.”
“Good.”
“Awesome.”
“Now that you and Smith are going to play, we ought to have a jolly good season.”
“Now that you and Smith are going to play, we should have a really great season.”
“Rummy, Smith turning out to be a cricketer.”
“Rummy, Smith is becoming a cricketer.”
“Yes. I should think he’d be a hot bowler, with his height.”
“Yes. I think he’d be an excellent bowler, given his height.”
“He must be jolly good if he was only just out of the Eton team last year.”
“He must be really great if he just got off the Eton team last year.”
“Yes.”
“Yep.”
“What’s the time?” asked Mike.
“What time is it?” asked Mike.
Adair produced his watch once more.
Adair pulled out his watch again.
“Five to.”
"Five minutes until."
“We’ve heaps of time.”
"We have plenty of time."
“Yes, heaps.”
"Yeah, tons."
“Let’s stroll on a bit down the road, shall we?”
“Let’s walk a little further down the road, okay?”
“Right ho!”
"Alright!"
Mike cleared his throat.
Mike cleared his throat.
“I say.”
"I mean."
“Hullo?”
"Hello?"
“I’ve been talking to Smith. He was telling me that you thought I’d promised to give Stone and Robinson places in the——”
“I’ve been talking to Smith. He told me that you thought I’d promised to give Stone and Robinson spots in the——”
“Oh, no, that’s all right. It was only for a bit. Smith told me you couldn’t have done, and I saw that I was an ass to think you could have. It was Stone seeming so dead certain that he could play for Lower Borlock if I chucked him from the school team that gave me the idea.”
“Oh, no, that’s fine. It was just for a moment. Smith told me you couldn’t have done it, and I realized I was a fool to think otherwise. It was Stone being so completely sure that he could play for Lower Borlock if I kicked him off the school team that gave me the idea.”
“He never even asked me to get him a place.”
“He never even asked me to find him a place.”
“No, I know.”
“No, I get it.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t have done it, even if he had.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t have done it, even if he had.”
“Of course not.”
"Definitely not."
“I didn’t want to play myself, but I wasn’t going to do a rotten trick like getting other fellows away from the team.”
“I didn’t want to play myself, but I wasn’t going to pull a dirty trick like getting other guys away from the team.”
“No, I know.”
“No, I get it.”
“It was rotten enough, really, not playing myself.”
“It was pretty messed up, honestly, not being myself.”
“Oh, no. Beastly rough luck having to leave Wrykyn just when you were going to be captain, and come to a small school like this.”
“Oh, no. Terrible luck having to leave Wrykyn just when you were about to become captain and come to a small school like this.”
The excitement of the past few days must have had a stimulating effect on Mike’s mind—shaken it up, as it were: for now, for the second time in two days, he displayed quite a creditable amount of intuition. He might have been misled by Adair’s apparently deprecatory attitude towards Sedleigh, and blundered into a denunciation of the place. Adair had said “a small school like this” in the sort of voice which might have led his hearer to think that he was expected to say, “Yes, rotten little hole, isn’t it?” or words to that effect. Mike, fortunately, perceived that the words were used purely from politeness, on the Chinese principle. When a Chinaman wishes to pay a compliment, he does so by belittling himself and his belongings.
The excitement of the past few days must have energized Mike's mind—shaken it up, so to speak: because now, for the second time in two days, he showed a surprising amount of intuition. He could have been misled by Adair’s seemingly dismissive tone towards Sedleigh and accidentally criticized the place. Adair had referred to “a small school like this” in a way that might have led Mike to respond with something like, “Yeah, it’s a terrible little dump, isn’t it?” or similar comments. Luckily, Mike realized that Adair’s words were purely polite, following the Chinese principle where a person pays a compliment by downplaying themselves and their possessions.
He eluded the pitfall.
He avoided the pitfall.
“What rot!” he said. “Sedleigh’s one of the most sporting schools I’ve ever come across. Everybody’s as keen as blazes. So they ought to be, after the way you’ve sweated.”
“What nonsense!” he said. “Sedleigh’s one of the most competitive schools I’ve ever seen. Everyone’s really passionate about it. They should be, after all the effort you’ve put in.”
Adair shuffled awkwardly.
Adair moved uncomfortably.
“I’ve always been fairly keen on the place,” he said. “But I don’t suppose I’ve done anything much.”
“I’ve always liked this place,” he said. “But I guess I haven’t really done much.”
“You’ve loosened one of my front teeth,” said Mike, with a grin, “if that’s any comfort to you.”
“You’ve loosened one of my front teeth,” Mike said with a grin, “if that makes you feel any better.”
“I couldn’t eat anything except porridge this morning. My jaw still aches.”
“I couldn’t eat anything except oatmeal this morning. My jaw still hurts.”
For the first time during the conversation their eyes met, and the humorous side of the thing struck them simultaneously. They began to laugh.
For the first time during the conversation, their eyes locked, and the funny side of the situation hit them at the same moment. They started laughing.
“What fools we must have looked!” said Adair.
“What fools we must have looked!” Adair said.
“You were all right. I must have looked rotten. I’ve never had the gloves on in my life. I’m jolly glad no one saw us except Smith, who doesn’t count. Hullo, there’s the bell. We’d better be moving on. What about this match? Not much chance of it from the look of the sky at present.”
“You were fine. I must have looked terrible. I’ve never worn gloves in my life. I’m really glad no one saw us except Smith, who doesn’t matter. Hey, there’s the bell. We should get going. What about this match? Doesn’t look like there’s much chance of it with the way the sky looks right now.”
“It might clear before eleven. You’d better get changed, anyhow, at the interval, and hang about in case.”
“It might clear up before eleven. You should definitely change during the break and stick around just in case.”
“All right. It’s better than doing Thucydides with Downing. We’ve got math, till the interval, so I don’t see anything of him all day; which won’t hurt me.”
“All right. It’s better than doing Thucydides with Downing. We’ve got math until the break, so I don’t have to see him all day; which is fine by me.”
“He isn’t a bad sort of chap, when you get to know him,” said Adair.
“He's not a bad guy once you get to know him,” said Adair.
“I can’t have done, then. I don’t know which I’d least soon be, Downing or a black-beetle, except that if one was Downing one could tread on the black-beetle. Dash this rain. I got about half a pint down my neck just then. We sha’n’t get a game to-day, of anything like it. As you’re crocked, I’m not sure that I care much. You’ve been sweating for years to get the match on, and it would be rather rot playing it without you.”
“I can’t have done, then. I don’t know which I’d want to be less, Downing or a roach, except that if you’re Downing, you could step on the roach. Damn this rain. I just got about half a pint down my neck. We won’t get a game today, anything like it. Since you’re out of commission, I’m not sure I care much. You’ve been working hard for years to make this match happen, and it would be pretty stupid playing it without you.”
“I don’t know that so much. I wish we could play, because I’m certain, with you and Smith, we’d walk into them. They probably aren’t sending down much of a team, and really, now that you and Smith are turning out, we’ve got a jolly hot lot. There’s quite decent batting all the way through, and the bowling isn’t so bad. If only we could have given this M.C.C. lot a really good hammering, it might have been easier to get some good fixtures for next season. You see, it’s all right for a school like Wrykyn, but with a small place like this you simply can’t get the best teams to give you a match till you’ve done something to show that you aren’t absolute rotters at the game. As for the schools, they’re worse. They’d simply laugh at you. You were cricket secretary at Wrykyn last year. What would you have done if you’d had a challenge from Sedleigh? You’d either have laughed till you were sick, or else had a fit at the mere idea of the thing.”
“I don’t know that much. I wish we could play, because I’m sure that with you and Smith, we’d beat them easily. They probably aren’t sending a strong team, and honestly, now that you and Smith are coming through, we’ve got a really good chance. Our batting is solid all the way through, and the bowling isn’t bad either. If only we could have given this M.C.C. team a good thrashing, it might have made it easier to get some good matches lined up for next season. You see, it’s fine for a school like Wrykyn, but a small place like this just can’t attract the best teams for a match until you prove you’re not total losers at the game. As for the schools, they’re even worse. They’d just laugh at you. You were the cricket secretary at Wrykyn last year. What would you have done if you’d gotten a challenge from Sedleigh? You’d either have laughed until you were sick or would have had a fit just thinking about it.”
Mike stopped.
Mike paused.
“By Jove, you’ve struck about the brightest scheme on record. I never thought of it before. Let’s get a match on with Wrykyn.”
“Wow, you've come up with one of the smartest ideas I've ever heard. I never thought of it before. Let's set up a match with Wrykyn.”
“What! They wouldn’t play us.”
“What! They wouldn’t play us.”
“Yes, they would. At least, I’m pretty sure they would. I had a letter from Strachan, the captain, yesterday, saying that the Ripton match had had to be scratched owing to illness. So they’ve got a vacant date. Shall I try them? I’ll write to Strachan to-night, if you like. And they aren’t strong this year. We’ll smash them. What do you say?”
“Yes, they would. At least, I’m pretty sure they would. I got a letter from Strachan, the captain, yesterday, saying that the Ripton match had to be canceled due to illness. So they have an open date. Should I reach out to them? I can write to Strachan tonight if you want. And they aren’t strong this year. We’ll crush them. What do you think?”
Adair was as one who has seen a vision.
Adair looked like someone who had just seen a vision.
“By Jove,” he said at last, “if we only could!”
“Wow,” he said finally, “if only we could!”
CHAPTER LVII
MR. DOWNING MOVES
The rain continued without a break all the morning. The two teams, after hanging about dismally, and whiling the time away with stump-cricket in the changing-rooms, lunched in the pavilion at one o’clock. After which the M.C.C. captain, approaching Adair, moved that this merry meeting be considered off and himself and his men permitted to catch the next train back to town. To which Adair, seeing that it was out of the question that there should be any cricket that afternoon, regretfully agreed, and the first Sedleigh v. M.C.C. match was accordingly scratched.
The rain kept pouring nonstop all morning. The two teams, hanging around in a gloomy mood and passing the time with stump-cricket in the changing rooms, had lunch in the pavilion at one o’clock. After that, the M.C.C. captain went over to Adair and suggested that this cheerful gathering be considered over and that he and his players be allowed to catch the next train back to the city. Adair, realizing that it was impossible to play cricket that afternoon, reluctantly agreed, and so the first Sedleigh v. M.C.C. match was officially canceled.
Mike and Psmith, wandering back to the house, were met by a damp junior from Downing’s, with a message that Mr. Downing wished to see Mike as soon as he was changed.
Mike and Psmith, walking back to the house, were approached by a wet junior from Downing’s, who delivered a message that Mr. Downing wanted to see Mike as soon as he had changed.
“What’s he want me for?” inquired Mike.
“What does he want me for?” Mike asked.
The messenger did not know. Mr. Downing, it seemed, had not confided in him. All he knew was that the housemaster was in the house, and would be glad if Mike would step across.
The messenger didn’t know. It seemed Mr. Downing hadn’t shared anything with him. All he knew was that the housemaster was in the house and would appreciate it if Mike could come over.
“A nuisance,” said Psmith, “this incessant demand for you. That’s the worst of being popular. If he wants you to stop to tea, edge away. A meal on rather a sumptuous scale will be prepared in the study against your return.”
“A nuisance,” said Psmith, “this nonstop demand for you. That’s the downside of being popular. If he wants you to stop for tea, just drift away. A pretty lavish meal will be ready in the study when you get back.”
Mike changed quickly, and went off, leaving Psmith, who was fond of simple pleasures in his spare time, earnestly occupied with a puzzle which had been scattered through the land by a weekly paper. The prize for a solution was one thousand pounds, and Psmith had already informed Mike with some minuteness of his plans for the disposition of this sum. Meanwhile, he worked at it both in and out of school, generally with abusive comments on its inventor.
Mike got ready quickly and left, leaving Psmith, who enjoyed simple pleasures in his free time, deeply focused on a puzzle that had been distributed by a weekly newspaper. The prize for solving it was one thousand pounds, and Psmith had already shared with Mike in great detail how he intended to use this money. In the meantime, he worked on it both in and out of school, usually making sarcastic remarks about its inventor.
He was still fiddling away at it when Mike returned.
He was still messing with it when Mike came back.
Mike, though Psmith was at first too absorbed to notice it, was agitated.
Mike, although Psmith was initially too focused to see it, was on edge.
“I don’t wish to be in any way harsh,” said Psmith, without looking up, “but the man who invented this thing was a blighter of the worst type. You come and have a shot. For the moment I am baffled. The whisper flies round the clubs, ‘Psmith is baffled.’”
“I don’t mean to be harsh,” Psmith said, not looking up, “but the person who came up with this is truly the worst. You should give it a try. Right now, I’m completely stumped. The word is spreading around the clubs, ‘Psmith is stumped.’”
“The man’s an absolute drivelling ass,” said Mike warmly.
“The guy’s a total idiot,” said Mike with a smile.
“Me, do you mean?”
"Are you talking about me?"
“What on earth would be the point of my doing it?”
“What on earth would be the point of me doing it?”
“You’d gather in a thousand of the best. Give you a nice start in life.”
“You’d get together with a thousand of the best. It would give you a great start in life.”
“I’m not talking about your rotten puzzle.”
“I’m not talking about your terrible puzzle.”
“What are you talking about?”
"What are you saying?"
“That ass Downing. I believe he’s off his nut.”
"That guy Downing. I think he's lost his mind."
“Then your chat with Comrade Downing was not of the old-College-chums-meeting-unexpectedly-after-years’-separation type? What has he been doing to you?”
“Then your conversation with Comrade Downing wasn’t the typical surprise reunion of old college friends after years apart? What has he been doing to you?”
“He’s off his nut.”
“He's lost his mind.”
“I know. But what did he do? How did the brainstorm burst? Did he jump at you from behind a door and bite a piece out of your leg, or did he say he was a tea-pot?”
“I know. But what did he do? How did the idea hit? Did he jump out at you from behind a door and take a bite out of your leg, or did he say he was a teapot?”
Mike sat down.
Mike took a seat.
“You remember that painting Sammy business?”
“You remember that painting Sammy thing?”
“As if it were yesterday,” said Psmith. “Which it was, pretty nearly.”
“As if it were yesterday,” said Psmith. “Which it was, pretty much.”
“He thinks I did it.”
“He thinks I did it.”
“Why? Have you ever shown any talent in the painting line?”
“Why? Have you ever shown any skill in painting?”
“The silly ass wanted me to confess that I’d done it. He as good as asked me to. Jawed a lot of rot about my finding it to my advantage later on if I behaved sensibly.”
“The foolish guy wanted me to admit that I was responsible. He basically asked me to. He talked a lot of nonsense about how it would benefit me in the long run if I acted rationally.”
“Then what are you worrying about? Don’t you know that when a master wants you to do the confessing-act, it simply means that he hasn’t enough evidence to start in on you with? You’re all right. The thing’s a stand-off.”
“Then what are you worried about? Don’t you realize that when a master wants you to confess, it just means he doesn’t have enough proof to go after you? You’re fine. It’s a stalemate.”
“Evidence!” said Mike, “My dear man, he’s got enough evidence to sink a ship. He’s absolutely sweating evidence at every pore. As far as I can see, he’s been crawling about, doing the Sherlock Holmes business for all he’s worth ever since the thing happened, and now he’s dead certain that I painted Sammy.”
“Evidence!” said Mike, “My dear man, he has enough evidence to sink a ship. He’s practically oozing evidence from every pore. From what I can tell, he’s been scurrying around, playing the detective for all he’s worth ever since it happened, and now he’s completely convinced that I painted Sammy.”
“Did you, by the way?” asked Psmith.
“Did you, by the way?” Psmith asked.
“No,” said Mike shortly, “I didn’t. But after listening to Downing I almost began to wonder if I hadn’t. The man’s got stacks of evidence to prove that I did.”
“No,” Mike replied curtly, “I didn’t. But after hearing Downing, I almost started to doubt myself. The guy has tons of evidence to back up his claim that I did.”
“Such as what?”
"Like what?"
“It’s mostly about my boots. But, dash it, you know all about that. Why, you were with him when he came and looked for them.”
“It’s mostly about my boots. But, darn it, you know all about that. You were there when he came and looked for them.”
“It is true,” said Psmith, “that Comrade Downing and I spent a very pleasant half-hour together inspecting boots, but how does he drag you into it?”
“It’s true,” said Psmith, “that Comrade Downing and I spent a really nice half-hour checking out boots, but how does he get you involved in this?”
“He swears one of the boots was splashed with paint.”
“He says one of the boots got splashed with paint.”
“Yes. He babbled to some extent on that point when I was entertaining him. But what makes him think that the boot, if any, was yours?”
“Yes. He talked a bit about that when I was hosting him. But why does he think that the boot, if there is one, belonged to you?”
“He’s certain that somebody in this house got one of his boots splashed, and is hiding it somewhere. And I’m the only chap in the house who hasn’t got a pair of boots to show, so he thinks it’s me. I don’t know where the dickens my other boot has gone. Edmund swears he hasn’t seen it, and it’s nowhere about. Of course I’ve got two pairs, but one’s being soled. So I had to go over to school yesterday in pumps. That’s how he spotted me.”
“He’s sure that someone in this house got one of his boots splashed and is hiding it somewhere. And I’m the only guy in the house who doesn’t have a pair of boots to show, so he thinks it’s me. I have no idea where my other boot has gone. Edmund swears he hasn’t seen it, and it isn’t anywhere around. Of course, I have two pairs, but one is being soled. So I had to go to school yesterday in my flats. That’s how he noticed me.”
Psmith sighed.
Psmith sighed.
“Comrade Jackson,” he said mournfully, “all this very sad affair shows the folly of acting from the best motives. In my simple zeal, meaning to save you unpleasantness, I have landed you, with a dull, sickening thud, right in the cart. Are you particular about dirtying your hands? If you aren’t, just reach up that chimney a bit?”
“Comrade Jackson,” he said sadly, “this whole unfortunate situation highlights the foolishness of acting with good intentions. In my eagerness to spare you any trouble, I've thrown you, with a heavy, unpleasant thud, right into a mess. Are you concerned about getting your hands dirty? If not, could you just reach up that chimney a bit?”
Mike stared, “What the dickens are you talking about?”
Mike stared, “What the heck are you talking about?”
“Go on. Get it over. Be a man, and reach up the chimney.”
“Go ahead. Just do it. Step up and reach into the chimney.”
“I don’t know what the game is,” said Mike, kneeling beside the fender and groping, “but—Hullo!”
“I don’t know what the game is,” said Mike, kneeling beside the fender and feeling around, “but—Hey!”
“Ah ha!” said Psmith moodily.
“Ah ha!” Psmith said gloomily.
Mike dropped the soot-covered object in the fender, and glared at it.
Mike dropped the soot-covered object into the fender and glared at it.
“It’s my boot!” he said at last.
“It’s my boot!” he finally said.
“It is,” said Psmith, “your boot. And what is that red stain across the toe? Is it blood? No, ’tis not blood. It is red paint.”
“It is,” said Psmith, “your boot. And what’s that red stain on the toe? Is it blood? No, it’s not blood. It’s red paint.”
Mike seemed unable to remove his eyes from the boot.
Mike couldn't take his eyes off the boot.
“How on earth did—By Jove! I remember now. I kicked up against something in the dark when I was putting my bicycle back that night. It must have been the paint-pot.”
“How on earth did—By Jove! I remember now. I bumped into something in the dark when I was putting my bike away that night. It must have been the paint can.”
“Then you were out that night?”
“Were you out that night then?”
“Rather. That’s what makes it so jolly awkward. It’s too long to tell you now——”
“Exactly. That’s what makes it so incredibly awkward. It’s too long to explain right now——”
“Your stories are never too long for me,” said Psmith. “Say on!”
“Your stories are never too long for me,” Psmith said. “Go ahead!”
“Well, it was like this.” And Mike related the events which had led up to his midnight excursion. Psmith listened attentively.
“Well, it was like this.” And Mike shared the events that had led up to his midnight adventure. Psmith paid close attention.
“This,” he said, when Mike had finished, “confirms my frequently stated opinion that Comrade Jellicoe is one of Nature’s blitherers. So that’s why he touched us for our hard-earned, was it?”
“This,” he said, when Mike had finished, “confirms my often-expressed opinion that Comrade Jellicoe is one of Nature’s clueless people. So that’s why he hit us up for our hard-earned money, was it?”
“Yes. Of course there was no need for him to have the money at all.”
“Yes. Obviously, there was no need for him to have the money at all.”
“And the result is that you are in something of a tight place. You’re absolutely certain you didn’t paint that dog? Didn’t do it, by any chance, in a moment of absent-mindedness, and forgot all about it? No? No, I suppose not. I wonder who did!”
“And the result is that you’re in a bit of a bind. You’re completely sure you didn’t paint that dog? You didn’t do it, by any chance, in a moment of forgetting, and then just blocked it out? No? No, I guess not. I wonder who did!”
“It’s beastly awkward. You see, Downing chased me that night. That was why I rang the alarm bell. So, you see, he’s certain to think that the chap he chased, which was me, and the chap who painted Sammy, are the same. I shall get landed both ways.”
“It’s incredibly awkward. You see, Downing chased me that night. That’s why I rang the alarm bell. So, he’s definitely going to think that the guy he chased, which was me, and the guy who painted Sammy, are the same person. I’m going to get in trouble either way.”
Psmith pondered.
Psmith thought.
“It is a tightish place,” he admitted.
“It’s a bit cramped,” he admitted.
“I wonder if we could get this boot clean,” said Mike, inspecting it with disfavour.
“I wonder if we can get this boot clean,” said Mike, looking at it with disapproval.
“Not for a pretty considerable time.”
“Not for a long time.”
“I suppose not. I say, I am in the cart. If I can’t produce this boot, they’re bound to guess why.”
“I guess not. I mean, I am in the cart. If I can’t show this boot, they’re definitely going to figure out why.”
“What exactly,” asked Psmith, “was the position of affairs between you and Comrade Downing when you left him? Had you definitely parted brass-rags? Or did you simply sort of drift apart with mutual courtesies?”
“What exactly,” asked Psmith, “was the situation between you and Comrade Downing when you left him? Had you definitely parted ways? Or did you just kind of drift apart while still being polite?”
“Oh, he said I was ill-advised to continue that attitude, or some rot, and I said I didn’t care, I hadn’t painted his bally dog, and he said very well, then, he must take steps, and—well, that was about all.”
“Oh, he said I was making a mistake to keep that attitude, or something like that, and I told him I didn’t care, I hadn’t painted his damn dog, and he said fine, then, he would have to take action, and—well, that was pretty much it.”
“Sufficient, too,” said Psmith, “quite sufficient. I take it, then, that he is now on the war-path, collecting a gang, so to speak.”
“Enough, too,” said Psmith, “really enough. I assume, then, that he’s on a mission now, rallying a crew, so to speak.”
“I suppose he’s gone to the Old Man about it.”
“I guess he’s gone to talk to the Old Man about it.”
“Probably. A very worrying time our headmaster is having, taking it all round, in connection with this painful affair. What do you think his move will be?”
“Probably. Our headmaster is having a really tough time dealing with this whole painful situation. What do you think he’ll do next?”
“I suppose he’ll send for me, and try to get something out of me.”
“I guess he’ll send for me and try to get something from me.”
“He’ll want you to confess, too. Masters are all whales on confession. The worst of it is, you can’t prove an alibi, because at about the time the foul act was perpetrated, you were playing Round-and-round-the-mulberry-bush with Comrade Downing. This needs thought. You had better put the case in my hands, and go out and watch the dandelions growing. I will think over the matter.”
He’ll want you to confess, too. Masters are all about confessions. The worst part is, you can’t prove an alibi because around the time the horrible act happened, you were playing Round-and-round-the-mulberry-bush with Comrade Downing. This needs some thought. You should let me handle this and go outside to watch the dandelions grow. I’ll think this through.
“Well, I hope you’ll be able to think of something. I can’t.”
“Well, I hope you can think of something. I can’t.”
“Possibly. You never know.”
"Maybe. You never know."
There was a tap at the door.
There was a knock at the door.
“See how we have trained them,” said Psmith. “They now knock before entering. There was a time when they would have tried to smash in a panel. Come in.”
“Check out how we've trained them,” said Psmith. “They now knock before entering. There was a time when they would have tried to break a panel down. Come in.”
A small boy, carrying a straw hat adorned with the school-house ribbon, answered the invitation.
A young boy, wearing a straw hat decorated with the school ribbon, responded to the invitation.
“Oh, I say, Jackson,” he said, “the headmaster sent me over to tell you he wants to see you.”
“Oh, hey, Jackson,” he said, “the headmaster asked me to come tell you he wants to see you.”
“I told you so,” said Mike to Psmith.
“I told you so,” Mike said to Psmith.
“Don’t go,” suggested Psmith. “Tell him to write.”
“Don’t go,” Psmith urged. “Tell him to write.”
Mike got up.
Mike woke up.
“All this is very trying,” said Psmith. “I’m seeing nothing of you to-day.” He turned to the small boy. “Tell Willie,” he added, “that Mr. Jackson will be with him in a moment.”
“All this is really tough,” said Psmith. “I’m not seeing any of you today.” He turned to the little boy. “Tell Willie,” he added, “that Mr. Jackson will be with him in a minute.”
The emissary departed.
The envoy left.
“You’re all right,” said Psmith encouragingly. “Just you keep on saying you’re all right. Stout denial is the thing. Don’t go in for any airy explanations. Simply stick to stout denial. You can’t beat it.”
You’re good,” said Psmith, encouraging him. “Just keep saying you’re good. Strong denial is key. Don’t bother with any vague explanations. Just stick to strong denial. You can’t go wrong with it.”
With which expert advice, he allowed Mike to go on his way.
With that expert advice, he let Mike go on his way.
He had not been gone two minutes, when Psmith, who had leaned back in his chair, wrapped in thought, heaved himself up again. He stood for a moment straightening his tie at the looking-glass; then he picked up his hat and moved slowly out of the door and down the passage. Thence, at the same dignified rate of progress, out of the house and in at Downing’s front gate.
He had only been gone for two minutes when Psmith, who had been leaning back in his chair, lost in thought, got up again. He stood for a moment adjusting his tie in the mirror; then he grabbed his hat and walked slowly out the door and down the hallway. From there, at the same steady pace, he left the house and entered Downing’s front gate.
The postman was at the door when he got there, apparently absorbed in conversation with the parlour-maid. Psmith stood by politely till the postman, who had just been told it was like his impudence, caught sight of him, and, having handed over the letters in an ultra-formal and professional manner, passed away.
The postman was at the door when he arrived, clearly deep in conversation with the maid. Psmith waited patiently until the postman, who had just been told it was rude of him, noticed him. After handing over the letters in an overly formal and professional way, the postman left.
“Is Mr. Downing at home?” inquired Psmith.
“Is Mr. Downing home?” Psmith asked.
He was, it seemed. Psmith was shown into the dining-room on the left of the hall, and requested to wait. He was examining a portrait of Mr. Downing which hung on the wall, when the housemaster came in.
He was, it seemed. Psmith was shown into the dining room on the left side of the hall and asked to wait. He was looking at a portrait of Mr. Downing that was hanging on the wall when the housemaster walked in.
“An excellent likeness, sir,” said Psmith, with a gesture of the hand towards the painting.
“Great likeness, sir,” Psmith said, waving his hand towards the painting.
“Well, Smith,” said Mr. Downing shortly, “what do you wish to see me about?”
“Well, Smith,” Mr. Downing said abruptly, “what do you want to talk to me about?”
“It was in connection with the regrettable painting of your dog, sir.”
“It was regarding the unfortunate painting of your dog, sir.”
“Ha!” said Mr. Downing.
“Ha!” Mr. Downing said.
“I did it, sir,” said Psmith, stopping and flicking a piece of fluff off his knee.
“I did it, sir,” said Psmith, pausing to flick a piece of lint off his knee.
CHAPTER LVIII
THE ARTIST CLAIMS HIS WORK
The line of action which Psmith had called Stout Denial is an excellent line to adopt, especially if you really are innocent, but it does not lead to anything in the shape of a bright and snappy dialogue between accuser and accused. Both Mike and the headmaster were oppressed by a feeling that the situation was difficult. The atmosphere was heavy, and conversation showed a tendency to flag. The headmaster had opened brightly enough, with a summary of the evidence which Mr. Downing had laid before him, but after that a massive silence had been the order of the day. There is nothing in this world quite so stolid and uncommunicative as a boy who has made up his mind to be stolid and uncommunicative; and the headmaster, as he sat and looked at Mike, who sat and looked past him at the bookshelves, felt awkward. It was a scene which needed either a dramatic interruption or a neat exit speech. As it happened, what it got was the dramatic interruption.
The approach that Psmith referred to as Stout Denial is a great strategy to use, especially if you really are innocent, but it doesn't create a lively back-and-forth between the accuser and the accused. Both Mike and the headmaster felt the weight of the situation. The atmosphere was tense, and conversation was stalling. The headmaster had started off well enough, summarizing the evidence that Mr. Downing presented to him, but after that, a heavy silence took over. There’s nothing quite as unresponsive and closed-off as a boy who has decided to be that way; and as the headmaster sat there looking at Mike, who was staring past him at the bookshelves, he felt uncomfortable. This was a moment that needed either a dramatic interruption or a clever exit line. As it turned out, what they got was the dramatic interruption.
The headmaster was just saying, “I do not think you fully realise, Jackson, the extent to which appearances—” —which was practically going back to the beginning and starting again—when there was a knock at the door. A voice without said, “Mr. Downing to see you, sir,” and the chief witness for the prosecution burst in.
The headmaster was just saying, “I don’t think you truly understand, Jackson, how much appearances—” —which was basically going back to the start and beginning again—when there was a knock at the door. A voice from outside said, “Mr. Downing is here to see you, sir,” and the main witness for the prosecution walked in.
“I would not have interrupted you,” said Mr. Downing, “but——”
“I wouldn’t have interrupted you,” Mr. Downing said, “but——”
“Not at all, Mr. Downing. Is there anything I can——?”
“Not at all, Mr. Downing. Is there anything I can help with?”
“I have discovered—I have been informed—In short, it was not Jackson, who committed the—who painted my dog.”
“I found out—I was told—In short, it wasn’t Jackson who did it—who painted my dog.”
Mike and the headmaster both looked at the speaker. Mike with a feeling of relief—for Stout Denial, unsupported by any weighty evidence, is a wearing game to play—the headmaster with astonishment.
Mike and the headmaster both looked at the speaker. Mike felt relieved—because Stout Denial, without any solid evidence, is a tiring game to play—while the headmaster looked astonished.
“Not Jackson?” said the headmaster.
"Not Jackson?" asked the principal.
“No. It was a boy in the same house. Smith.”
“No. It was a boy in the same house. Smith.”
Psmith! Mike was more than surprised. He could not believe it. There is nothing which affords so clear an index to a boy’s character as the type of rag which he considers humorous. Between what is a rag and what is merely a rotten trick there is a very definite line drawn. Masters, as a rule, do not realise this, but boys nearly always do. Mike could not imagine Psmith doing a rotten thing like covering a housemaster’s dog with red paint, any more than he could imagine doing it himself. They had both been amused at the sight of Sammy after the operation, but anybody, except possibly the owner of the dog, would have thought it funny at first. After the first surprise, their feeling had been that it was a scuggish thing to have done and beastly rough luck on the poor brute. It was a kid’s trick. As for Psmith having done it, Mike simply did not believe it.
Psmith! Mike was more than surprised. He couldn't believe it. There's nothing that shows a boy's character more clearly than the type of prank he finds funny. There's a clear line between what’s a prank and what’s just a horrible trick. Teachers usually don’t get this, but boys almost always do. Mike couldn’t picture Psmith doing something cruel like covering a housemaster’s dog in red paint, just like he couldn’t imagine doing it himself. They had both found the sight of Sammy after the incident amusing, but anyone, except maybe the dog's owner, would have thought it was funny at first. After the initial shock, they both felt it was a stupid thing to have done and really unfair to the poor dog. It was a kid’s prank. As for Psmith doing it, Mike just didn’t believe it.
“Smith!” said the headmaster. “What makes you think that?”
“Smith!” said the headmaster. “What makes you think that?”
“Simply this,” said Mr. Downing, with calm triumph, “that the boy himself came to me a few moments ago and confessed.”
“Simply this,” said Mr. Downing, with calm triumph, “the boy himself came to me a few moments ago and confessed.”
Mike was conscious of a feeling of acute depression. It did not make him in the least degree jubilant, or even thankful, to know that he himself was cleared of the charge. All he could think of was that Psmith was done for. This was bound to mean the sack. If Psmith had painted Sammy, it meant that Psmith had broken out of his house at night: and it was not likely that the rules about nocturnal wandering were less strict at Sedleigh than at any other school in the kingdom. Mike felt, if possible, worse than he had felt when Wyatt had been caught on a similar occasion. It seemed as if Fate had a special grudge against his best friends. He did not make friends very quickly or easily, though he had always had scores of acquaintances—and with Wyatt and Psmith he had found himself at home from the first moment he had met them.
Mike was aware of a deep sense of depression. Knowing he was cleared of the charge didn't make him feel happy or even grateful. All he could think about was that Psmith was in serious trouble. This was bound to get him expelled. If Psmith had painted Sammy, it meant he must have sneaked out of his house at night, and it was unlikely that the rules about being out at night were any less strict at Sedleigh than at any other school in the country. Mike felt even worse than he did when Wyatt got caught in a similar situation. It seemed like Fate had a special grudge against his closest friends. He didn't make friends easily or quickly, even though he had always had plenty of acquaintances—and with Wyatt and Psmith, he felt at home with them from the very first moment they met.
He sat there, with a curious feeling of having swallowed a heavy weight, hardly listening to what Mr. Downing was saying. Mr. Downing was talking rapidly to the headmaster, who was nodding from time to time.
He sat there, with a strange sensation of having swallowed a heavy weight, barely paying attention to what Mr. Downing was saying. Mr. Downing was talking quickly to the headmaster, who was nodding occasionally.
Mike took advantage of a pause to get up. “May I go, sir?” he said.
Mike seized a break to stand up. “Can I go, sir?” he asked.
“Certainly, Jackson, certainly,” said the Head. “Oh, and er—, if you are going back to your house, tell Smith that I should like to see him.”
“Of course, Jackson, of course,” said the Head. “Oh, and um—, if you’re heading back home, let Smith know that I’d like to see him.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing, sir.”
He had reached the door, when again there was a knock.
He had reached the door when there was another knock.
“Come in,” said the headmaster.
“Come in,” said the principal.
It was Adair.
It was Adair.
“Yes, Adair?”
“Yep, Adair?”
Adair was breathing rather heavily, as if he had been running.
Adair was breathing pretty hard, like he had been running.
“It was about Sammy—Sampson, sir,” he said, looking at Mr. Downing.
“It was about Sammy—Sampson, sir,” he said, looking at Mr. Downing.
“Ah, we know—. Well, Adair, what did you wish to say?”
“Ah, we know—. So, Adair, what did you want to say?”
“It wasn’t Jackson who did it, sir.”
“It wasn’t Jackson who did it, sir.”
“No, no, Adair. So Mr. Downing——”
“No, no, Adair. So Mr. Downing——”
“It was Dunster, sir.”
“It was Dunster, sir.”
Terrific sensation! The headmaster gave a sort of strangled yelp of astonishment. Mr. Downing leaped in his chair. Mike’s eyes opened to their fullest extent.
Terrific sensation! The headmaster let out a shocked yelp. Mr. Downing jumped in his chair. Mike's eyes widened completely.
“Adair!”
"Adair!"
There was almost a wail in the headmaster’s voice. The situation had suddenly become too much for him. His brain was swimming. That Mike, despite the evidence against him, should be innocent, was curious, perhaps, but not particularly startling. But that Adair should inform him, two minutes after Mr. Downing’s announcement of Psmith’s confession, that Psmith, too, was guiltless, and that the real criminal was Dunster—it was this that made him feel that somebody, in the words of an American author, had played a mean trick on him, and substituted for his brain a side-order of cauliflower. Why Dunster, of all people? Dunster, who, he remembered dizzily, had left the school at Christmas. And why, if Dunster had really painted the dog, had Psmith asserted that he himself was the culprit? Why—why anything? He concentrated his mind on Adair as the only person who could save him from impending brain-fever.
There was almost a wail in the headmaster’s voice. The situation had suddenly become too much for him. His mind was racing. That Mike, despite the evidence against him, should be innocent was strange, sure, but not particularly shocking. But that Adair should tell him, just two minutes after Mr. Downing announced Psmith’s confession, that Psmith was innocent too, and that the real culprit was Dunster—that was what made him feel like someone, in the words of an American author, had played a cruel trick on him and replaced his brain with a side of cauliflower. Why Dunster, of all people? Dunster, who he remembered clumsily, had left the school at Christmas. And why, if Dunster really had painted the dog, had Psmith claimed he was the one responsible? Why—why anything? He focused his thoughts on Adair as the only person who could save him from the looming mental breakdown.
“Adair!”
"Adair!"
“Yes, sir?”
"Yes, sir?"
“What—what do you mean?”
“What—what do you mean?”
“It was Dunster, sir. I got a letter from him only five minutes ago, in which he said that he had painted Sammy—Sampson, the dog, sir, for a rag—for a joke, and that, as he didn’t want any one here to get into a row—be punished for it, I’d better tell Mr. Downing at once. I tried to find Mr. Downing, but he wasn’t in the house. Then I met Smith outside the house, and he told me that Mr. Downing had gone over to see you, sir.”
“It was Dunster, sir. I just got a letter from him five minutes ago, where he mentioned that he had painted Sammy—Sampson, the dog, sir, for a rag—for a joke, and that since he didn’t want anyone here to get in trouble—be punished for it, I should let Mr. Downing know right away. I tried to find Mr. Downing, but he wasn’t in the house. Then I ran into Smith outside, and he told me that Mr. Downing had gone over to see you, sir.”
“Smith told you?” said Mr. Downing.
“Smith told you?” Mr. Downing said.
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
“Did you say anything to him about your having received this letter from Dunster?”
“Did you mention to him that you got this letter from Dunster?”
“I gave him the letter to read, sir.”
“I gave him the letter to read, sir.”
“And what was his attitude when he had read it?”
“And how did he feel after reading it?”
“He laughed, sir.”
“He laughed, dude.”
“Laughed!” Mr. Downing’s voice was thunderous.
“Laughed!” Mr. Downing’s voice was booming.
“Yes, sir. He rolled about.”
“Yes, sir. He rolled around.”
Mr. Downing snorted.
Mr. Downing snorted.
“But Adair,” said the headmaster, “I do not understand how this thing could have been done by Dunster. He has left the school.”
“But Adair,” said the headmaster, “I don’t understand how Dunster could have done this. He’s left the school.”
“He was down here for the Old Sedleighans’ match, sir. He stopped the night in the village.”
“He was here for the Old Sedleighans’ match, sir. He stayed the night in the village.”
“And that was the night the—it happened?”
“And that was the night the—it happened?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I see. Well, I am glad to find that the blame cannot be attached to any boy in the school. I am sorry that it is even an Old Boy. It was a foolish, discreditable thing to have done, but it is not as bad as if any boy still at the school had broken out of his house at night to do it.”
“I see. Well, I’m glad to find out that no boys at the school can be blamed for this. I’m sorry to hear it was even an Old Boy. It was a silly, shameful thing to do, but it’s not as bad as if any current student had snuck out of his house at night to do it.”
“The sergeant,” said Mr. Downing, “told me that the boy he saw was attempting to enter Mr. Outwood’s house.”
“The sergeant,” Mr. Downing said, “told me that the boy he saw was trying to get into Mr. Outwood’s house.”
“Another freak of Dunster’s, I suppose,” said the headmaster. “I shall write to him.”
“Another odd thing from Dunster, I guess,” said the headmaster. “I’ll write to him.”
“If it was really Dunster who painted my dog,” said Mr. Downing, “I cannot understand the part played by Smith in this affair. If he did not do it, what possible motive could he have had for coming to me of his own accord and deliberately confessing?”
“If it was really Dunster who painted my dog,” Mr. Downing said, “I can’t understand what Smith’s role was in all of this. If he didn’t do it, what reason could he have for coming to me on his own and confessing deliberately?”
“To be sure,” said the headmaster, pressing a bell. “It is certainly a thing that calls for explanation. Barlow,” he said, as the butler appeared, “kindly go across to Mr. Outwood’s house and inform Smith that I should like to see him.”
“To be sure,” said the headmaster, pressing a bell. “This definitely needs an explanation. Barlow,” he said, as the butler appeared, “please go over to Mr. Outwood’s house and let Smith know that I’d like to see him.”
“If you please, sir, Mr. Smith is waiting in the hall.”
“If you don’t mind, sir, Mr. Smith is waiting in the hallway.”
“In the hall!”
"In the hallway!"
“Yes, sir. He arrived soon after Mr. Adair, sir, saying that he would wait, as you would probably wish to see him shortly.”
“Yes, sir. He arrived soon after Mr. Adair, saying that he would wait, as you would probably want to see him shortly.”
“H’m. Ask him to step up, Barlow.”
“Hm. Have him come up, Barlow.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure, sir.”
There followed one of the tensest “stage waits” of Mike’s experience. It was not long, but, while it lasted, the silence was quite solid. Nobody seemed to have anything to say, and there was not even a clock in the room to break the stillness with its ticking. A very faint drip-drip of rain could be heard outside the window.
There followed one of the tensest “stage waits” of Mike’s experience. It didn’t last long, but during that time, the silence felt heavy. Nobody seemed to have anything to say, and there wasn’t even a clock in the room to break the stillness with its ticking. A very faint drip-drip of rain could be heard outside the window.
Presently there was a sound of footsteps on the stairs. The door was opened.
Presently, there were footsteps on the stairs. The door opened.
“Mr. Smith, sir.”
"Mr. Smith."
The old Etonian entered as would the guest of the evening who is a few moments late for dinner. He was cheerful, but slightly deprecating. He gave the impression of one who, though sure of his welcome, feels that some slight apology is expected from him. He advanced into the room with a gentle half-smile which suggested good-will to all men.
The old Etonian walked in like a guest who’s a little late for dinner. He seemed happy but a bit humble. He gave off the vibe of someone who, while confident he’d be welcomed, felt he needed to offer a small apology. He entered the room with a gentle half-smile that conveyed goodwill to everyone.
“It is still raining,” he observed. “You wished to see me, sir?”
“It’s still raining,” he said. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
“Sit down, Smith.”
“Take a seat, Smith.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thanks, sir.”
He dropped into a deep arm-chair (which both Adair and Mike had avoided in favour of less luxurious seats) with the confidential cosiness of a fashionable physician calling on a patient, between whom and himself time has broken down the barriers of restraint and formality.
He sank into a deep armchair (which both Adair and Mike had skipped for less luxurious seats) with the comfortable intimacy of a trendy doctor visiting a patient, where time has eroded the walls of restraint and formality.
Mr. Downing burst out, like a reservoir that has broken its banks.
Mr. Downing exploded with emotion, like a dam that has burst open.
“Smith.”
“Smith.”
Psmith turned his gaze politely in the housemaster’s direction.
Psmith looked politely toward the housemaster.
“Smith, you came to me a quarter of an hour ago and told me that it was you who had painted my dog Sampson.”
“Smith, you came to me fifteen minutes ago and told me that you were the one who painted my dog Sampson.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Sure thing.”
“It was absolutely untrue?”
"Was it completely untrue?"
“I am afraid so, sir.”
"I'm afraid so, sir."
“But, Smith—” began the headmaster.
“But, Smith—” said the headmaster.
Psmith bent forward encouragingly.
Psmith leaned in supportively.
“——This is a most extraordinary affair. Have you no explanation to offer? What induced you to do such a thing?”
“——This is a really unusual situation. Do you have any explanation to give? What made you do something like this?”
Psmith sighed softly.
Psmith sighed gently.
“The craze for notoriety, sir,” he replied sadly. “The curse of the present age.”
“The obsession with fame, sir,” he replied sadly. “The curse of today’s world.”
“What!” cried the headmaster.
“What!” shouted the principal.
“It is remarkable,” proceeded Psmith placidly, with the impersonal touch of one lecturing on generalities, “how frequently, when a murder has been committed, one finds men confessing that they have done it when it is out of the question that they should have committed it. It is one of the most interesting problems with which anthropologists are confronted. Human nature——”
“It’s remarkable,” Psmith said calmly, like someone giving a lecture on general topics, “how often, when a murder has taken place, people admit they did it even when it’s clear they couldn't have committed the crime. It’s one of the most fascinating issues that anthropologists face. Human nature——”
The headmaster interrupted.
The principal interrupted.
“Smith,” he said, “I should like to see you alone for a moment. Mr. Downing might I trouble—? Adair, Jackson.”
“Smith,” he said, “I’d like to speak with you privately for a moment. Mr. Downing, may I ask—? Adair, Jackson.”
He made a motion towards the door.
He pointed to the door.
When he and Psmith were alone, there was silence. Psmith leaned back comfortably in his chair. The headmaster tapped nervously with his foot on the floor.
When he and Psmith were alone, there was silence. Psmith relaxed in his chair. The headmaster nervously tapped his foot on the floor.
“Er—Smith.”
"Uh—Smith."
“Sir?”
"Excuse me?"
The headmaster seemed to have some difficulty in proceeding. He paused again. Then he went on.
The headmaster looked like he was having a hard time continuing. He paused once more. Then he carried on.
“Er—Smith, I do not for a moment wish to pain you, but have you—er, do you remember ever having had, as a child, let us say, any—er—severe illness? Any—er—mental illness?”
“Um—Smith, I don’t want to upset you at all, but do you—um, remember ever having a serious illness as a child? Any—um—mental illness?”
“No, sir.”
“No, thanks.”
“There is no—forgive me if I am touching on a sad subject—there is no—none of your near relatives have ever suffered in the way I—er—have described?”
“There is no—forgive me if I’m bringing up a sad topic—there is no—none of your close relatives have ever gone through what I—uh—have talked about?”
“There isn’t a lunatic on the list, sir,” said Psmith cheerfully.
“There isn’t a crazy person on the list, sir,” said Psmith cheerfully.
“Of course, Smith, of course,” said the headmaster hurriedly, “I did not mean to suggest—quite so, quite so.... You think, then, that you confessed to an act which you had not committed purely from some sudden impulse which you cannot explain?”
“Of course, Smith, of course,” said the headmaster quickly. “I didn’t mean to suggest—oh yes, yes.... So you believe that you admitted to something you didn’t do just because of a sudden impulse you can’t explain?”
“Strictly between ourselves, sir——”
“Just between us, sir——”
Privately, the headmaster found Psmith’s man-to-man attitude somewhat disconcerting, but he said nothing.
Privately, the headmaster found Psmith’s straightforward approach a bit unsettling, but he said nothing.
“Well, Smith?”
"What's up, Smith?"
“I should not like it to go any further, sir.”
“I wouldn’t want it to go any further, sir.”
“I will certainly respect any confidence——”
“I will definitely respect any confidentiality——”
“I don’t want anybody to know, sir. This is strictly between ourselves.”
“I don’t want anyone to know, sir. This is just between us.”
“I think you are sometimes apt to forget, Smith, the proper relations existing between boy and—Well, never mind that for the present. We can return to it later. For the moment, let me hear what you wish to say. I shall, of course, tell nobody, if you do not wish it.”
“I think you sometimes tend to forget, Smith, the right relationship between a boy and—Well, let’s set that aside for now. We can come back to it later. Right now, I’d like to hear what you want to say. Of course, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”
“Well, it was like this, sir,” said Psmith. “Jackson happened to tell me that you and Mr. Downing seemed to think he had painted Mr. Downing’s dog, and there seemed some danger of his being expelled, so I thought it wouldn’t be an unsound scheme if I were to go and say I had done it. That was the whole thing. Of course, Dunster writing created a certain amount of confusion.”
“Well, here’s how it went down, sir,” said Psmith. “Jackson mentioned that you and Mr. Downing seemed to believe he had painted Mr. Downing’s dog, and it looked like he might get expelled, so I thought it might not be a bad idea to go and say I was the one who did it. That’s basically the whole story. Of course, Dunster writing caused a bit of confusion.”
There was a pause.
There was a moment of silence.
“It was a very wrong thing to do, Smith,” said the headmaster, at last, “but.... You are a curious boy, Smith. Good-night.”
“It was a really bad thing to do, Smith,” the headmaster finally said, “but... You’re an interesting kid, Smith. Good night.”
He held out his hand.
He reached out his hand.
“Good-night, sir,” said Psmith.
“Goodnight, sir,” said Psmith.
“Not a bad old sort,” said Psmith meditatively to himself, as he walked downstairs. “By no means a bad old sort. I must drop in from time to time and cultivate him.”
“Not a bad guy,” said Psmith to himself, thinking as he walked downstairs. “Definitely not a bad guy. I should stop by every so often and get to know him better.”
Mike and Adair were waiting for him outside the front door.
Mike and Adair were waiting for him outside the front door.
“Well?” said Mike.
“Well?” Mike asked.
“You are the limit,” said Adair. “What’s he done?”
“You are the limit,” Adair said. “What did he do?”
“Nothing. We had a very pleasant chat, and then I tore myself away.”
“Nothing. We had a really nice conversation, and then I pulled myself away.”
“Do you mean to say he’s not going to do a thing?”
“Are you saying he’s not going to do anything?”
“Not a thing.”
“Nothing.”
“Well, you’re a marvel,” said Adair.
"Wow, you’re amazing," said Adair.
Psmith thanked him courteously. They walked on towards the houses.
Psmith thanked him politely. They continued walking toward the houses.
“By the way, Adair,” said Mike, as the latter started to turn in at Downing’s, “I’ll write to Strachan to-night about that match.”
“By the way, Adair,” Mike said as Adair started to turn into Downing’s, “I’ll write to Strachan tonight about that match.”
“What’s that?” asked Psmith.
“What’s that?” Psmith asked.
“Jackson’s going to try and get Wrykyn to give us a game,” said Adair. “They’ve got a vacant date. I hope the dickens they’ll do it.”
“Jackson’s going to try to get Wrykyn to schedule a game with us,” said Adair. “They have an open date. I really hope they go for it.”
“Oh, I should think they’re certain to,” said Mike. “Good-night.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure they will,” said Mike. “Good night.”
“And give Comrade Downing, when you see him,” said Psmith, “my very best love. It is men like him who make this Merrie England of ours what it is.”
“And send my warmest regards to Comrade Downing when you see him,” said Psmith. “It’s people like him who make our Merrie England what it is.”
“I say, Psmith,” said Mike suddenly, “what really made you tell Downing you’d done it?”
“I mean, Psmith,” Mike said out of the blue, “what actually made you tell Downing you did it?”
“The craving for——”
“The craving for”
“Oh, chuck it. You aren’t talking to the Old Man now. I believe it was simply to get me out of a jolly tight corner.”
“Oh, forget it. You aren’t talking to the Old Man now. I think it was just to get me out of a really tricky situation.”
Psmith’s expression was one of pain.
Psmith looked distressed.
“My dear Comrade Jackson,” said he, “you wrong me. You make me writhe. I’m surprised at you. I never thought to hear those words from Michael Jackson.”
“My dear Comrade Jackson,” he said, “you’re wronging me. You’re making me squirm. I’m surprised at you. I never expected to hear those words from Michael Jackson.”
“Well, I believe you did, all the same,” said Mike obstinately. “And it was jolly good of you, too.”
“Well, I still think you did,” Mike said stubbornly. “And it was really nice of you, too.”
Psmith moaned.
Psmith complained.
CHAPTER LIX
SEDLEIGH v. WRYKYN
The Wrykyn match was three-parts over, and things were going badly for Sedleigh. In a way one might have said that the game was over, and that Sedleigh had lost; for it was a one day match, and Wrykyn, who had led on the first innings, had only to play out time to make the game theirs.
The Wrykyn match was three-quarters over, and things were looking bad for Sedleigh. You could say the game was practically over and that Sedleigh had lost, since it was a one-day match. Wrykyn, having had the lead in the first innings, just needed to run out the clock to claim the victory.
Sedleigh were paying the penalty for allowing themselves to be influenced by nerves in the early part of the day. Nerves lose more school matches than good play ever won. There is a certain type of school batsman who is a gift to any bowler when he once lets his imagination run away with him. Sedleigh, with the exception of Adair, Psmith, and Mike, had entered upon this match in a state of the most azure funk. Ever since Mike had received Strachan’s answer and Adair had announced on the notice-board that on Saturday, July the twentieth, Sedleigh would play Wrykyn, the team had been all on the jump. It was useless for Adair to tell them, as he did repeatedly, on Mike’s authority, that Wrykyn were weak this season, and that on their present form Sedleigh ought to win easily. The team listened, but were not comforted. Wrykyn might be below their usual strength, but then Wrykyn cricket, as a rule, reached such a high standard that this probably meant little. However weak Wrykyn might be—for them—there was a very firm impression among the members of the Sedleigh first eleven that the other school was quite strong enough to knock the cover off them. Experience counts enormously in school matches. Sedleigh had never been proved. The teams they played were the sort of sides which the Wrykyn second eleven would play. Whereas Wrykyn, from time immemorial, had been beating Ripton teams and Free Foresters teams and M.C.C. teams packed with county men and sending men to Oxford and Cambridge who got their blues as freshmen.
Sedleigh was paying the price for letting nerves affect them early in the day. Nerves cost more school matches than good play ever wins. There’s a certain type of school batsman who becomes easy prey for any bowler once his imagination takes over. Sedleigh, except for Adair, Psmith, and Mike, entered this match in a state of complete anxiety. Ever since Mike got Strachan’s response and Adair announced on the notice-board that on Saturday, July 20th, Sedleigh would face Wrykyn, the team had been on edge. It was pointless for Adair to keep telling them, as he did repeatedly based on Mike’s word, that Wrykyn was weak this season and that given their current form, Sedleigh should win easily. The team listened but remained unconvinced. Wrykyn might be below their usual strength, but Wrykyn cricket typically maintained such a high standard that it likely meant little. No matter how weak Wrykyn might be—for them—there was a strong belief among the Sedleigh first eleven that the other school was perfectly capable of outplaying them. Experience plays a huge role in school matches. Sedleigh had never truly been tested. The teams they faced were the kind of sides that the Wrykyn second eleven would play. Meanwhile, Wrykyn had, for ages, been beating Ripton teams, Free Foresters teams, and M.C.C. teams filled with county players and sending guys to Oxford and Cambridge who became blues as freshmen.
Sedleigh had gone on to the field that morning a depressed side.
Sedleigh had gone out to the field that morning feeling down.
It was unfortunate that Adair had won the toss. He had had no choice but to take first innings. The weather had been bad for the last week, and the wicket was slow and treacherous. It was likely to get worse during the day, so Adair had chosen to bat first.
It was unfortunate that Adair had won the toss. He had no choice but to take the first innings. The weather had been bad for the past week, and the pitch was slow and tricky. It was likely to get worse throughout the day, so Adair decided to bat first.
Taking into consideration the state of nerves the team was in, this in itself was a calamity. A school eleven are always at their worst and nerviest before lunch. Even on their own ground they find the surroundings lonely and unfamiliar. The subtlety of the bowlers becomes magnified. Unless the first pair make a really good start, a collapse almost invariably ensues.
Considering how stressed the team was, this was a disaster in itself. School teams are always at their most anxious and nervous before lunch. Even on their home ground, everything feels lonely and strange. The skill of the bowlers seems to be heightened. If the opening pair doesn't get off to a strong start, a meltdown almost always follows.
To-day the start had been gruesome beyond words. Mike, the bulwark of the side, the man who had been brought up on Wrykyn bowling, and from whom, whatever might happen to the others, at least a fifty was expected—Mike, going in first with Barnes and taking first over, had played inside one from Bruce, the Wrykyn slow bowler, and had been caught at short slip off his second ball.
Today’s start was brutal beyond belief. Mike, the backbone of the team, the guy who grew up facing Wrykyn bowling, and from whom everyone expected at least a fifty, went in first with Barnes and faced the first over. He played inside a delivery from Bruce, the Wrykyn slow bowler, and got caught at short slip on his second ball.
That put the finishing-touch on the panic. Stone, Robinson, and the others, all quite decent punishing batsmen when their nerves allowed them to play their own game, crawled to the wickets, declined to hit out at anything, and were clean bowled, several of them, playing back to half-volleys. Adair did not suffer from panic, but his batting was not equal to his bowling, and he had fallen after hitting one four. Seven wickets were down for thirty when Psmith went in.
That was the final straw for the panic. Stone, Robinson, and the others, who were all pretty good batsmen when they weren’t feeling nervous, made their way to the wickets, hesitated to hit anything, and were bowled out, several of them, trying to defend half-volleys. Adair didn’t panic, but his batting wasn’t as good as his bowling, and he was out after hitting one four. Seven wickets were down for thirty when Psmith came in.
Psmith had always disclaimed any pretensions to batting skill, but he was undoubtedly the right man for a crisis like this. He had an enormous reach, and he used it. Three consecutive balls from Bruce he turned into full-tosses and swept to the leg-boundary, and, assisted by Barnes, who had been sitting on the splice in his usual manner, he raised the total to seventy-one before being yorked, with his score at thirty-five. Ten minutes later the innings was over, with Barnes not out sixteen, for seventy-nine.
Psmith had never claimed to be a skilled batsman, but he was definitely the right person for a moment like this. He had an impressive reach, and he made the most of it. He turned three consecutive balls from Bruce into full tosses and hit them to the leg boundary. Along with Barnes, who had been lounging around as usual, he brought the total up to seventy-one before getting bowled out, with his score at thirty-five. Ten minutes later, the innings ended, with Barnes remaining not out at sixteen, for a total of seventy-nine.
Wrykyn had then gone in, lost Strachan for twenty before lunch, and finally completed their innings at a quarter to four for a hundred and thirty-one.
Wrykyn had then gone in, lost Strachan for twenty before lunch, and finally wrapped up their innings at a quarter to four with a score of one hundred and thirty-one.
This was better than Sedleigh had expected. At least eight of the team had looked forward dismally to an afternoon’s leather-hunting. But Adair and Psmith, helped by the wicket, had never been easy, especially Psmith, who had taken six wickets, his slows playing havoc with the tail.
This was better than Sedleigh had expected. At least eight of the team had been dreading a long afternoon of leather-hunting. But Adair and Psmith, aided by the pitch, had never been comfortable, especially Psmith, who had taken six wickets, his slower balls causing chaos among the tail-end batsmen.
It would be too much to say that Sedleigh had any hope of pulling the game out of the fire; but it was a comfort, they felt, at any rate, having another knock. As is usual at this stage of a match, their nervousness had vanished, and they felt capable of better things than in the first innings.
It would be an exaggeration to say that Sedleigh had any hope of turning the game around; but it was comforting, they thought, to have another chance. As often happens at this point in a match, their nerves had settled down, and they felt capable of achieving more than they did in the first innings.
It was on Mike’s suggestion that Psmith and himself went in first. Mike knew the limitations of the Wrykyn bowling, and he was convinced that, if they could knock Bruce off, it might be possible to rattle up a score sufficient to give them the game, always provided that Wrykyn collapsed in the second innings. And it seemed to Mike that the wicket would be so bad then that they easily might.
It was Mike’s idea for Psmith and him to go in first. Mike understood the weaknesses of the Wrykyn bowling and was convinced that if they could get Bruce out, they might be able to score enough to win, as long as Wrykyn fell apart in their second innings. Mike figured that the pitch would be so terrible by then that it was very likely they would.
So he and Psmith had gone in at four o’clock to hit. And they had hit. The deficit had been wiped off, all but a dozen runs, when Psmith was bowled, and by that time Mike was set and in his best vein. He treated all the bowlers alike. And when Stone came in, restored to his proper frame of mind, and lashed out stoutly, and after him Robinson and the rest, it looked as if Sedleigh had a chance again. The score was a hundred and twenty when Mike, who had just reached his fifty, skied one to Strachan at cover. The time was twenty-five past five.
So he and Psmith went in at four o’clock to bat. And they did bat well. The deficit had been cleared, leaving only a dozen runs, when Psmith got bowled out, and by then Mike was set and in great form. He treated all the bowlers the same. When Stone came in, back in his right mindset, and swung aggressively, followed by Robinson and the others, it seemed like Sedleigh had a chance again. The score was a hundred and twenty when Mike, who had just hit his fifty, sent a high one to Strachan at cover. The time was twenty-five past five.
As Mike reached the pavilion, Adair declared the innings closed.
As Mike arrived at the pavilion, Adair announced that the innings was finished.
Wrykyn started batting at twenty-five minutes to six, with sixty-nine to make if they wished to make them, and an hour and ten minutes during which to keep up their wickets if they preferred to take things easy and go for a win on the first innings.
Wrykyn started batting at 5:35, needing 69 runs to win if they wanted to, and they had an hour and ten minutes to play without losing their wickets if they chose to play it safe and aim for a win based on the first innings.
At first it looked as if they meant to knock off the runs, for Strachan forced the game from the first ball, which was Psmith’s, and which he hit into the pavilion. But, at fifteen, Adair bowled him. And when, two runs later, Psmith got the next man stumped, and finished up his over with a c-and-b, Wrykyn decided that it was not good enough. Seventeen for three, with an hour all but five minutes to go, was getting too dangerous. So Drummond and Rigby, the next pair, proceeded to play with caution, and the collapse ceased.
At first, it seemed like they intended to chase down the runs, as Strachan took the initiative from the very first ball, which was Psmith’s, and he sent it into the pavilion. But at fifteen, Adair bowled him out. Then, when Psmith got the next player stumped just two runs later and wrapped up his over with a catch-and-bowl, Wrykyn felt it wasn’t acceptable. Seventeen for three, with just under an hour remaining, was getting too risky. So Drummond and Rigby, the next pair, decided to play safely, and the collapse finally stopped.
This was the state of the game at the point at which this chapter opened. Seventeen for three had become twenty-four for three, and the hands of the clock stood at ten minutes past six. Changes of bowling had been tried, but there seemed no chance of getting past the batsmen’s defence. They were playing all the good balls, and refused to hit at the bad.
This was the situation in the game when this chapter began. Seventeen for three had turned into twenty-four for three, and the clock showed ten minutes past six. Different bowlers had been tried, but there seemed to be no way to break through the batsmen’s defense. They were handling all the good deliveries well and wouldn't take a swing at the bad ones.
A quarter past six struck, and then Psmith made a suggestion which altered the game completely.
A quarter past six hit, and then Psmith made a suggestion that changed everything.
“Why don’t you have a shot this end?” he said to Adair, as they were crossing over. “There’s a spot on the off which might help you a lot. You can break like blazes if only you land on it. It doesn’t help my leg-breaks a bit, because they won’t hit at them.”
“Why don’t you take a shot at this end?” he said to Adair as they were crossing over. “There’s a spot on the off that could really help you. You can break like crazy if you just land on it. It doesn’t do anything for my leg breaks because they won’t swing at them.”
Barnes was on the point of beginning to bowl, when Adair took the ball from him. The captain of Outwood’s retired to short leg with an air that suggested that he was glad to be relieved of his prominent post.
Barnes was just about to start bowling when Adair took the ball from him. The captain of Outwood’s moved to short leg, looking like he was pleased to be freed from his important position.
The next moment Drummond’s off-stump was lying at an angle of forty-five. Adair was absolutely accurate as a bowler, and he had dropped his first ball right on the worn patch.
The next moment, Drummond's off-stump was lying at a forty-five-degree angle. Adair was spot-on as a bowler, and he had landed his first ball right on the worn patch.
Two minutes later Drummond’s successor was retiring to the pavilion, while the wicket-keeper straightened the stumps again.
Two minutes later, Drummond's successor was heading back to the pavilion while the wicket-keeper fixed the stumps again.
There is nothing like a couple of unexpected wickets for altering the atmosphere of a game. Five minutes before, Sedleigh had been lethargic and without hope. Now there was a stir and buzz all round the ground. There were twenty-five minutes to go, and five wickets were down. Sedleigh was on top again.
There’s nothing quite like a few unexpected wickets to change the mood of a game. Just five minutes earlier, Sedleigh had been slow and full of despair. Now there was a buzz and energy all around the field. There were twenty-five minutes left, and five wickets were down. Sedleigh was back in control.
The next man seemed to take an age coming out. As a matter of fact, he walked more rapidly than a batsman usually walks to the crease.
The next guy took forever to come out. Actually, he walked faster than a batsman typically walks to the crease.
Adair’s third ball dropped just short of the spot. The batsman, hitting out, was a shade too soon. The ball hummed through the air a couple of feet from the ground in the direction of mid-off, and Mike, diving to the right, got to it as he was falling, and chucked it up.
Adair’s third pitch landed just short of the target. The batter swung a bit too early. The ball zipped through the air a couple of feet off the ground towards mid-off, and Mike, diving to the right, snagged it just as he was going down, and tossed it up.
After that the thing was a walk-over. Psmith clean bowled a man in his next over; and the tail, demoralised by the sudden change in the game, collapsed uncompromisingly. Sedleigh won by thirty-five runs with eight minutes in hand.
After that, it was an easy win. Psmith bowled out a batter in his next over, and the lower-order batsmen, thrown off by the sudden shift in the game, fell apart completely. Sedleigh won by thirty-five runs with eight minutes to spare.
Psmith and Mike sat in their study after lock-up, discussing things in general and the game in particular.
Psmith and Mike were sitting in their study after closing time, chatting about various topics, especially the game.
“I feel like a beastly renegade, playing against Wrykyn,” said Mike. “Still, I’m glad we won. Adair’s a jolly good sort, and it’ll make him happy for weeks.”
“I feel like a total rebel, playing against Wrykyn,” said Mike. “Still, I’m glad we won. Adair’s a really great guy, and this will make him happy for weeks.”
“When I last saw Comrade Adair,” said Psmith, “he was going about in a sort of trance, beaming vaguely and wanting to stand people things at the shop.”
“Last time I saw Comrade Adair,” said Psmith, “he was walking around like he was in a daze, smiling blankly and wanting to sell people stuff at the shop.”
“He bowled awfully well.”
“He bowled really well.”
“Yes,” said Psmith. “I say, I don’t wish to cast a gloom over this joyful occasion in any way, but you say Wrykyn are going to give Sedleigh a fixture again next year?”
“Yes,” said Psmith. “I don’t mean to bring down the mood on this happy occasion, but are you saying Wrykyn is going to schedule another game with Sedleigh next year?”
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“Well, have you thought of the massacre which will ensue? You will have left, Adair will have left. Incidentally, I shall have left. Wrykyn will swamp them.”
“Well, have you thought about the massacre that will follow? You will be gone, Adair will be gone. By the way, I will be gone too. Wrykyn will overwhelm them.”
“I suppose they will. Still, the great thing, you see, is to get the thing started. That’s what Adair was so keen on. Now Sedleigh has beaten Wrykyn, he’s satisfied. They can get on fixtures with decent clubs, and work up to playing the big schools. You’ve got to start somehow. So it’s all right, you see.”
“I guess they will. Still, the important thing is to get things moving. That’s what Adair was really focused on. Now that Sedleigh has won against Wrykyn, he’s happy. They can schedule games with good clubs and work their way up to playing the top schools. You have to start somewhere. So it’s all good, you see.”
“And, besides,” said Psmith, reflectively, “in an emergency they can always get Comrade Downing to bowl for them, what? Let us now sally out and see if we can’t promote a rag of some sort in this abode of wrath. Comrade Outwood has gone over to dinner at the School House, and it would be a pity to waste a somewhat golden opportunity. Shall we stagger?”
“And, besides,” said Psmith, thoughtfully, “in an emergency, they can always ask Comrade Downing to bowl for them, right? Let's head out now and see if we can’t come up with some kind of fun in this place of fury. Comrade Outwood has gone to dinner at the School House, and it would be a shame to waste a somewhat golden opportunity. Shall we go?”
They staggered.
They were unsteady.
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