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By Gamaliel Bradford
By Gamaliel Bradford
- PORTRAITS OF WOMEN. Illustrated.
- UNION PORTRAITS. Illustrated.
- CONFEDERATE PORTRAITS. Illustrated.
- LEE THE AMERICAN. Illustrated.
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY
BOSTON AND NEW YORK
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY
Boston and New York
PORTRAITS OF WOMEN
PORTRAITS OF WOMEN
Women’s Portraits
BY
GAMALIEL BRADFORD
BY
GAMALIEL BRADFORD
With Illustrations
Includes Illustrations

BOSTON AND NEW YORK
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY
The Riverside Press Cambridge
1916
BOSTON AND NEW YORK
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY
The Riverside Press, Cambridge
1916
COPYRIGHT, 1912, 1913, 1914, 1915, BY THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW
COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY THE SUWANEE REVIEW
COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY THE SOUTH ATLANTIC QUARTERLY
COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY GAMALIEL BRADFORD
COPYRIGHT, 1912, 1913, 1914, 1915, BY THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW
COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY THE SUWANEE REVIEW
COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY THE SOUTH ATLANTIC QUARTERLY
COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY GAMALIEL BRADFORD
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
All rights reserved.
Published October 1916
Published October 1916
TO
MY DAUGHTER
TO
MY KID
The nine portraits contained in this volume are preliminary studies or sketches for the series of portraits of American women which will follow my Union portraits. Such a collection of portraits of women will certainly fill a most important section in the gallery of historical likenesses selected from the whole of American history, which it is my wish to complete, if possible.
The nine portraits in this volume are initial studies or sketches for the series of portraits of American women that will follow my Union portraits. This collection of women's portraits will definitely occupy a crucial part of the gallery of historical likenesses I aim to compile from across American history, if possible.
There is always a certain impertinence about a man’s attempt to portray the characters of women. And this impertinence is not got rid of by the charming, but not wholly felicitous, epigraph of Sainte-Beuve’s Portraits de Femmes: “Avez vous donc été femme, Monsieur, pour prétendre ainsi nous connâitre?”—“Non, Madame, je ne suis pas le devin Tirésias, je ne suis qu’un humble mortel qui vous a beaucoup aimées.” There is, however, an equal impertinence in trying to portray the characters of men, indeed of anybody but one’s self, and though this last undertaking is always delightful, it is apt to lead to even more astonishing results than accompany one’s attempts upon others. While endeavoring constantly to strengthen and deepen the accuracy of my portraits as regards mere fact, I yet become more and more convinced that their value must be more in suggestion and stimulation than in any reliable or final presentment of character. Such presentments do not exist.
There's always a bit of audacity in a man trying to capture the essence of women's characters. And this audacity isn’t lessened by the charming, yet somewhat awkward, quote from Sainte-Beuve’s Portraits de Femmes: “Have you ever been a woman, sir, to claim to know us so well?”—“No, madam, I am not the seer Tiresias, I'm just a humble mortal who has loved you much.” However, there’s an equal boldness in attempting to portray men’s characters, or really anyone’s except your own, and while this challenge can be enjoyable, it often leads to even more surprising outcomes than when you try to analyze others. In my continuous effort to improve and refine the accuracy of my portrayals in terms of facts, I increasingly believe that their true worth lies more in what they suggest and provoke rather than in any trustworthy or final depiction of character. Such depictions simply don’t exist.
The selection of portraits in this volume has grown in a rather haphazard way. Although the types depicted differ from one another, sometimes with marked contrast, still, if I had planned the series deliberately as a whole, I should have picked out figures more representative of entirely different lines of life. A disadvantage, much more marked in portraying women than in portraying men, is the necessity of dealing with exceptions rather than with average personages. The psychographer must have abundant material, and usually it is women who have lived exceptional lives that leave such material behind them. The psychography of queens and artists and authors and saints is little, if any, more interesting, than that of your mother or mine, or of the first shopgirl we meet. I would paint the shopgirl’s portrait with the greatest pleasure, but the material is lacking.
The selection of portraits in this volume has developed in a somewhat random manner. While the types shown differ from one another, sometimes quite noticeably, if I had intentionally planned the series as a whole, I would have chosen figures that represent totally different aspects of life. A significant drawback, especially in portraying women compared to men, is that it's often necessary to focus on exceptions instead of average individuals. A psychographer needs a lot of material, and it’s usually women who have lived exceptional lives that provide such material. The psychography of queens, artists, authors, and saints is not particularly more interesting than that of your mother or mine, or the first shopgirl we encounter. I would happily paint the shopgirl’s portrait, but the material isn’t available.
It will be noted, also, that none of these portraits presents the modern woman. Eugénie de Guérin is the latest in date and she is about as modern as Eve. The projection of woman into the very middle of the stage of active life, her participation on equal terms in almost all the lines of man’s achievement, are effecting the vastest social revolution since the appearance of Christianity. The outcome of this revolution is something no man—or woman—can foresee. But its most obvious and perhaps principal effect is in moulding the life, character, and habits of man. Woman already dominates our manners, our morals, our literature, our stage, our private finances. She proposes to dominate our politics. And it is by no means sure that she will[xi] not end by the subjugation of our intelligence. This feminine supremacy obtains, if I am correctly informed, in the kingdom of the spiders and also, according to some seers, in the most advanced development of the planetary worlds. While such a conquest must, of course, to some extent, react upon the conqueror, it seems probable that the fundamental instincts of the feminine temperament are what they were a thousand, or two thousand years ago, and that the new woman remains the same old woman in a little different garb, which propensity to a little different garb is the oldest thing about her.
It’s important to note that none of these portraits shows the modern woman. Eugénie de Guérin is the most recent example, and she’s as modern as Eve. The rise of women into the spotlight of active life and their equal participation in almost all areas of achievement alongside men is creating the largest social revolution since Christianity emerged. The result of this revolution is something no one—man or woman—can predict. However, its most clear and perhaps main effect is in shaping the lives, characters, and habits of men. Women already influence our manners, morals, literature, theater, and even our personal finances. They intend to have a say in our politics too. And it’s very possible that they will end up dominating our intellect as well. This female dominance exists, if I’m correctly informed, in the world of spiders and, according to some visionaries, in the most developed parts of the universe. While such a takeover will, of course, have some impact on the conquerors, it seems likely that the basic instincts of women are much the same as they were a thousand or two thousand years ago. The new woman is essentially the same old woman, just dressed a little differently, and her tendency to change outfits is the oldest aspect of her.
As I have already explained in the preface to “Union Portraits,” the word “Portrait” is very unsatisfactory, in spite of the high authority of Sainte-Beuve. Analogies between different arts are always misleading and this particular analogy is particularly objectionable. Critics, otherwise kindly, have urged that a portrait takes a man only at one special moment of his life and may therefore be quite untrue to the larger lines of his character. This is perfectly just, and the word “psychographs” should be substituted for “portraits.” Psychography aims at precisely the opposite of photography. It seeks to extricate from the fleeting, shifting, many-colored tissue of a man’s long life those habits of action, usually known as qualities of character, which are the slow product of inheritance and training, and which, once formed at a comparatively early age, usually alter little and that only by imperceptible degrees. The art of psychography is to disentangle these habits from the immaterial, inessential matter of biography,[xii] to illustrate them by touches of speech and action that are significant and by those only, and thus to burn them into the attention of the reader, not by any means as a final or unchangeable verdict, but as something that cannot be changed without vigorous thinking on the part of the reader himself.
As I mentioned in the preface to “Union Portraits,” the term “Portrait” is quite inadequate, despite the esteemed views of Sainte-Beuve. Comparisons between different forms of art can be misleading, and this particular comparison is especially flawed. Critics, who are otherwise well-meaning, have pointed out that a portrait captures a person only at a specific moment in their life, which may not accurately reflect the broader aspects of their character. This observation is completely valid, and the term “psychographs” should replace “portraits.” Psychography aims for the exact opposite of photography. It tries to extract from the ever-changing, colorful fabric of a person's long life those consistent behaviors, often regarded as character traits, which are the slow product of heritage and upbringing, and which, once established at a relatively young age, typically change very little, if at all, except in gradual and subtle ways. The art of psychography is to separate these behaviors from the intangible, non-essential details of biography,[xii] to showcase them through meaningful speech and actions, and to imprint them on the reader's mind, not as a final or unchangeable judgment, but as something that requires careful thought from the reader to truly understand.
But “Psychographs of Women,” on the back of a book, is as yet rather startling for the publisher, for the purchaser, and even for me.
But “Psychographs of Women,” on the back of a book, is still quite surprising for the publisher, for the buyer, and even for me.
Gamaliel Bradford
Gamaliel Bradford
Wellesley Hills, Mass.
May 26, 1916
Wellesley Hills, MA
May 26, 1916
CONTENTS
I. | Lady Mary Wortley Montagu | 1 |
II. | Lady Holland | 23 |
III. | Jane Austen | 45 |
IV. | Madam D'Arblay | 67 |
V. | Mrs. Pepys | 89 |
VI. | Madame de Sévigné | 111 |
VII. | Madam du Deffand | 133 |
VIII. | Madam de Choiseul | 155 |
IX. | Eugénie de Guérin | 177 |
ILLUSTRATIONS
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu | Frontispiece |
After the painting by Sir Godfrey Kneller | |
Lady Elizabeth Holland | 24 |
After the painting by Fagan | |
Jane Austen | 46 |
After the water-color drawing by her sister in the possession of W. Austen Leigh, Esq. | |
Madam D'Arblay | 68 |
After the painting by Edward Francis Burney in 1782. | |
Mrs. Pepys as St. Catherine | 90 |
From an engraving by Hollyer after the painting by Hayls | |
Madame de Sévigné | 112 |
After the original pastel by Nanteuil | |
Madame du Deffand | 134 |
From an engraving after the painting by Carmontelle | |
Madam de Choiseul | 156 |
From a photogravure in Le Duc et la Duchesse de Choiseul, by Gaston Maugras, after a portrait owned by the Comte de Ludre |
CHRONOLOGY
- Lady Mary Pierrepont.
- Born London, May 26, 1689.
- Married Edward Wortley Montagu, August 16, 1712.
- In Constantinople 1716-1718.
- In Italy 1739-1761.
- Husband died 1761.
- Died London, August 21, 1762.

Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
I
LADY MARY WORTLEY MONTAGU
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (born Pierrepont) wrote poems, essays, and translations of some note in her own day, of none in ours. She also wrote letters which can never die, letters less charming, indeed, than Madame de Sévigné’s because the writer was less charming, but full of light for the first half of the eighteenth century and also for Lady Mary herself. I do not refer so much to the celebrated letters from Constantinople, because those were probably arranged and edited for literary purposes, but to the general correspondence, which throbs and vibrates and sparkles like a live thing.
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (born Pierrepont) wrote some well-known poems, essays, and translations in her time, though they aren't recognized much today. She also wrote letters that will never be forgotten; while they may not be as charming as those of Madame de Sévigné due to the writer's lesser charm, they are filled with insight for the early eighteenth century and for Lady Mary herself. I'm not talking specifically about the famous letters from Constantinople, as those were likely polished and edited for literary reasons, but rather about her overall correspondence, which pulses and shines with life.
The writer knew quite well what she was doing. Speaking of Madame de Sévigné’s productions she says: “Mine will be full as entertaining forty years hence.” And, perhaps with a touch of jealousy not wholly uncharacteristic, she depreciates her French predecessor, “who only gives us, in a lively manner and fashionable phrases, mean sentiments, vulgar prejudices, and endless repetitions. Sometimes the tittle-tattle of a fine lady, sometimes the tittle-tattle of an old nurse, always tittle-tattle.” Those who find the divine tittle-tattle of “Notre Dame des Rochers” not only among the liveliest, but among the most[4] human and even the wisest, things in literature, will not be the less ready to appreciate Lady Mary, who has her own tittle-tattle as well as her own wisdom and liveliness. How easy she is, how ready, and how graceful. Her letters, she says, are “written with rapidity and sent without reading over.” This may be true and may not. At any rate, they have, at their best, the freshness of first thoughts, the careless brilliancy of a high-bred, keen-witted woman, talking in her own parlor, indifferent to effect, yet naturally elegant, in her speech, as in her dress and motion.
The writer was fully aware of what she was doing. Referring to Madame de Sévigné’s works, she states: “Mine will be just as entertaining forty years from now.” Perhaps with a hint of jealousy that is not entirely surprising, she criticizes her French predecessor, “who only presents us, in a lively manner and trendy phrases, shallow sentiments, common prejudices, and endless repetitions. Sometimes it’s the gossip of a high-class woman, sometimes the gossip of an old nurse, but it’s always gossip.” Those who see the brilliant gossip of “Notre Dame des Rochers” as not only among the most lively but also the most human and even the wisest elements in literature will still appreciate Lady Mary, who has her own gossip along with her own wisdom and liveliness. She comes across as effortlessly charming, eager, and graceful. She claims her letters are “written quickly and sent without being re-read.” This may or may not be true. In any case, at their best, they have the freshness of spontaneous thoughts, the carefree brilliance of a cultured, sharp-witted woman talking in her own living room, indifferent to the impact of her words, yet naturally elegant in her speech, just like in her appearance and movements.
With what vivacity she touches everything and everybody about her, “a certain sprightly folly that (I thank God) I was born with” she calls it, but it is only folly in the sense of making dull things gay and sad things tolerable. See how she finds laughter in the imminence of sea peril. An ancient English lady “had bought a fine point head, which she was contriving to conceal from the custom-house officers.... When the wind grew high, and our little vessel cracked, she fell heartily to her prayers, and thought wholly of her soul. When it seemed to abate, she returned to the worldly care of her head-dress, and addressed herself to me: ‘Dear madam, will you take care of this point? If it should be lost!—Ah, Lord, we shall all be lost!—Lord have mercy on my soul!—Pray, madam, take care of this head-dress.’ This easy transition from her soul to her head-dress, and the alternate agonies that both gave her, made it hard to determine which she thought of greatest value.”
With such energy, she affects everything and everyone around her. She calls it “a certain sprightly folly that (I thank God) I was born with,” but it’s only folly in the sense of turning boring things lively and sad situations bearable. Look how she finds laughter even in the face of danger at sea. An old English lady “had bought a fine point head, which she was contriving to conceal from the custom-house officers.... When the wind picked up and our little boat was cracking, she fervently prayed, thinking only of her soul. When it seemed to calm down, she returned to worrying about her head-dress and addressed me: ‘Dear madam, will you take care of this point? If it should be lost!—Ah, Lord, we shall all be lost!—Lord have mercy on my soul!—Please, madam, take care of this head-dress.’ This effortless switch from worrying about her soul to her head-dress, and the back-and-forth distress that both brought her, made it hard to tell which she valued more.”
True, such a glib tongue or pen is a dangerous play-thing and liable to abuse. Lady Mary’s own daughter said that her mother was too apt to set down people of a meek and gentle character for fools. People of any character, perhaps, whenever the wayward fancy struck her. She darted her shafts right and left. They stung and they clung, for they were barbed, if not poisoned. Sometimes they made near friends as cold as strangers. Too often they turned indifferent strangers into enemies. Enemies, too many, Lady Mary had all her life, and they seized on her weak points and amplified or invented ugly things about her till those who admire her most find defence somewhat difficult.
Sure, here’s the modernized text: True, having such a smooth tongue or pen is a dangerous tool and can easily be misused. Lady Mary’s own daughter said that her mother often tended to label people with a meek and gentle nature as fools. She did this to anyone, really, whenever her mood struck her. She shot her arrows left and right. They hurt and stuck, since they were sharp, if not toxic. Sometimes they turned close friends into strangers. Too often, they transformed indifferent strangers into enemies. Lady Mary had too many enemies throughout her life, and they exploited her weaknesses and exaggerated or fabricated ugly things about her, making it somewhat difficult for even her biggest admirers to defend her.
Yet she did not gloat over evil. “’Tis always a mortification to me to observe there is no perfection in humanity.” Her unkindness was far more on her tongue than in her heart. “This I know, that revenge has so few joys for me, I shall never lose so much time as to undertake it.” She had the keenest sense of human sorrow and suffering: “I think nothing so terrible as objects of misery, except one had the God-like attribute of being able to redress them.” What she could do to redress them she did. In her efforts to introduce inoculation for smallpox she surely proved herself one of the greatest benefactors of humanity. In many smaller things, also, she was kindly and sympathetic. And what pleases me most is that she makes little mention of such deeds herself. One is left to divine[6] them from curt, half-sarcastic remarks in other connections. Thus, during her long residence in Italy, it appears that she ministered to her neighbors both in body and soul. “I do what good I am able in the village round me, which is a very large one; and have had so much success, that I am thought a great physician, and should be esteemed a saint if I went to mass.” Later she had much ado to keep the people from erecting a statue to her. But she shrank from love in Italy which was sure to breed laughter in England.
Yet she didn’t take pleasure in evil. “It’s always a disappointment to me to see there’s no perfection in humanity.” Her harshness was more evident in her words than in her heart. “I know that revenge offers so few joys for me, I will never waste my time pursuing it.” She had an acute awareness of human sorrow and suffering: “I think nothing is as terrible as the objects of misery, unless one has the God-like ability to fix them.” Whatever she could do to help, she did. In her efforts to promote smallpox inoculation, she surely proved to be one of humanity's greatest benefactors. In many smaller matters, too, she was kind and compassionate. And what pleases me most is that she hardly mentions these good deeds herself. One can only infer them from her brief, somewhat sarcastic comments in other contexts. During her long stay in Italy, it seems she cared for her neighbors both physically and emotionally. “I do what good I can in the large village around me; I’ve had so much success that people think I’m a great doctor, and I'd be regarded as a saint if I went to mass.” Later, she had quite a challenge keeping people from putting up a statue in her honor. But she avoided love in Italy, knowing it would only lead to laughter back in England.
Also, even in her bursts of ill-nature, she had a certain reserve, a certain control, a certain sobriety. Indeed, she compliments herself, in old age, on her freedom from petulance. “To say truth, I think myself an uncommon kind of creature, being an old woman without superstition, peevishness, or censoriousness.” This is, perhaps, more than we could say for her. But in youth and age both she loved moderation and shunned excess. When she was twenty-three, she wrote, “I would throw off all partiality and passion, and be calm in my opinion.” She threw them off too much, she was too calm, she was cold. Walpole called her letters too womanish, but Lady Craven thought they must have been written by a man. Most readers will agree with Lady Craven. Even her vivacity lacks warmth. And it is here that she most falls short of the golden sunshine of Madame de Sévigné. Lady Mary is not quite the woman, even in her malice. Through her wit, through her thought, through her comment on life, even through her human relations runs a strain of something that was masculine.
Also, even in her moments of being unpleasant, she maintained a certain reserve, a bit of control, and a level-headedness. In fact, she takes pride in her old age for not being easily annoyed. “To tell the truth, I think I'm an unusual person, being an old woman without superstition, being cranky, or judgmental.” This may be more than we could say for her. But both in youth and old age, she valued moderation and avoided excess. When she was twenty-three, she wrote, “I would set aside all bias and emotions and remain calm in my views.” She let go of them too completely; she was too calm, too cold. Walpole mentioned that her letters came off as too feminine, while Lady Craven believed they must have been written by a man. Most readers will side with Lady Craven. Even her liveliness feels lacking in warmth. And this is where she falls short compared to the bright charm of Madame de Sévigné. Lady Mary doesn’t fully embody femininity, even in her spite. Through her wit, her thoughts, her insights on life, and even in her relationships, there runs a thread of something more masculine.
Nowhere is this more curious and amusing than in her love and marriage. She was beautiful, and knew it, though the smallpox, by depriving her of eyelashes, had given a certain staring boldness to her eyes. When she was over thirty, she “led up a ball” and “believed in her conscience she made one of the best figures there.” When she was old, for all her philosophy, she did not look in a glass for eleven years. “The last reflexion I saw there was so disagreeable, I resolved to spare myself such mortifications for the future.”
Nowhere is this more interesting and entertaining than in her love life and marriage. She was beautiful and knew it, although smallpox had taken away her eyelashes, giving her eyes a striking boldness. When she was over thirty, she “led a ball” and “believed in her heart that she made one of the best impressions there.” When she got older, despite her wisdom, she didn’t look in the mirror for eleven years. “The last reflection I saw was so unpleasant that I decided to avoid such disappointments in the future.”
She fed her youthful fancy with the vast fictions then in fashion and the result was a romantic head and a cool heart. These appear alternately in her strange correspondence with her lover and future husband, Edward Wortley Montagu. When they first met, the gentleman admired her learning—at fourteen! And Latinity seems to have drawn them together quite as much as love. There was a sister, Miss Anne Wortley, and sisters are of great use on such occasions. Lady Mary wrote to her in language of extravagant regard, and Miss Wortley wrote back—at her brother’s dictation. Then it became obviously simpler for the lovers to write direct.
She fed her youthful imagination with the popular stories of the time, resulting in a romantic mindset and a detached heart. These traits alternate in her unusual letters with her lover and future husband, Edward Wortley Montagu. When they first met, he admired her education—at just fourteen! It seems their shared interest in Latin brought them together just as much as love did. There was a sister, Miss Anne Wortley, who was very helpful in such situations. Lady Mary wrote to her with extremely affectionate language, and Miss Wortley responded—dictated by her brother. Eventually, it became much easier for the couple to write directly to each other.
Obstacles arose. Mr. Wortley Montagu would make no settlement on his wife. Lady Mary’s father would not hear of a marriage without one, and hunted up another suitor, rich—and unacceptable. There was doubt, debate, delay—and then an elopement. Lady Mary eloping! What elements of comedy! And her letters make it so.
Obstacles came up. Mr. Wortley Montagu wouldn’t agree to a settlement for his wife. Lady Mary’s father wouldn’t consider a marriage without one and searched for another suitor—wealthy and unsuitable. There was uncertainty, arguments, delays—and then an elopement. Lady Mary running away! What a comic twist! And her letters capture it perfectly.
That she loved her lover as much as she could love is[8] evident. “My protestations of friendship are not like other people’s, I never speak but what I mean, and when I say I love, ’tis for ever.” “I am willing to abandon all conversation but yours. If you please I will never see another man. In short, I will part with anything for you, but you. I will not have you a month to lose you for the rest of my life.” “I would die to be secure of your heart, though but for a moment.”
That she loved her lover as much as she could is[8] clear. “My declarations of friendship aren’t like others; I only say what I truly mean, and when I say I love you, it’s forever.” “I’m ready to give up any conversation except ours. If you want, I won’t see another man. In short, I’d give up anything for you, but you. I won’t have you for a month just to lose you for the rest of my life.” “I would die to be sure of your heart, even if just for a moment.”
Yet this apparent passion is tempered with doubt and reversal. She cannot make him happy, nor he her. “I can esteem, I can be a friend, but I don’t know whether I can love.” “You would be soon tired with seeing every day the same thing.” No, it is all folly. Cancel it, break it up, throw it over. Begin again, a new life, a new world. She will write to him no more. “I resolve against all correspondence of the kind; my resolutions are seldom made, and never broken.”
Yet this obvious passion is mixed with doubt and uncertainty. She can’t make him happy, and he can’t make her happy either. “I can respect you, I can be a friend, but I’m not sure I can love you.” “You would quickly grow tired of seeing the same thing every day.” No, it’s all nonsense. Forget it, break it off, move on. Start fresh, a new life, a new world. She won’t write to him anymore. “I’m determined to stop all this kind of communication; I rarely make resolutions, and I never break them.”
This one is broken in a few days. Again she loves, again she hopes. Everything shall be right, so far as it lies with her. “If my opinion could sway, nothing should displease you. Nobody ever was so disinterested as I am.” And yet once more cold analysis twitches her sleeve, murmurs in her ear. “You are the first I ever had a correspondence with, and I thank God I have done with it for all my life.” “When I have no more to say to you, you will like me no longer.”
This will fall apart in a few days. Once again, she loves, once again she hopes. Everything will be fine as far as she’s concerned. “If my opinion mattered, nothing would upset you. No one has ever been as unselfish as I am.” And yet, once more, cold reasoning pulls at her sleeve, whispers in her ear. “You are the first person I’ve ever corresponded with, and I thank God I’m done with it for good.” “When I have nothing left to say to you, you won’t like me anymore.”
Then she blows the doubts away, makes her stolen marriage, gives all to love, and in the very doing of it, lets fall one word that shows the doubter more than ever (italics mine): “I foresee all that will happen on[9] this occasion. I shall incense my family in the highest degree. The generality of the world will blame my conduct ...; yet, ’tis possible, you may recompence everything to me.” How two little words will show a heart!
Then she pushes the doubts aside, embraces her stolen marriage, gives herself completely to love, and in that very act, lets slip a word that reveals the skeptic more than ever (italics mine): “I foresee all that will happen on[9] this occasion. I will upset my family to the highest degree. Most people will criticize my actions ...; yet, it’s possible, you could make it all worthwhile for me.” How two simple words can reveal a heart!
And afterwards? She fared pretty much as she expected. Love hardened into marriage with some, not unusual, hours of agony. “I cannot forbear any longer telling you, I think you use me very unkindly.” When he fails to write to her, she cries for two hours. Then all becomes domestic, and decorous, and as it should be; and her matured opinion of marriage agrees very well with the previsions of her youth. “Where are people matched? I suppose we shall all come right in Heaven; as in a country dance, the hands are strangely given and taken, while they are in motion, at last all meet their partners when the jig is done.”
And after that? She ended up pretty much how she expected. Love turned into marriage with some, not unusual, moments of pain. “I can’t hold back any longer; I think you treat me very unkindly.” When he stops writing to her, she cries for two hours. Then everything becomes domestic, proper, and as it should be; her grown-up view of marriage aligns well with her youthful expectations. “Where do people find their matches? I guess we’ll all find our place in Heaven; like in a country dance, hands are given and taken in a confusing way, but eventually, everyone finds their partner when the dance is over.”
Perhaps because she showed no great conjugal affection, there was plenty of gossip about affection less legitimate. Pope lavished rhetorical devotion on her. She laughed at it and, I fear, at him. In consequence he lampooned her with the savage spite of an eighteenth-century poet. She said unkind things about Sir Robert Walpole and Sir Robert’s son said unkind things about her, mentioned some lovers by name, and implied many others. Lady Mary’s careful editors have dealt with these slanders most painstakingly; and though in one case, that of an Italian adventure, they have overlooked a passage in Sir Horace Mann’s letters oddly confirmatory of Walpole, I think they have cleared their heroine with entire success.
Maybe because she didn’t show much marital affection, there was plenty of gossip about less legitimate relationships. The Pope showered her with rhetorical devotion. She laughed at it, and I’m afraid, at him too. As a result, he ridiculed her with the bitter malice of an 18th-century poet. She said harsh things about Sir Robert Walpole, and Sir Robert’s son retaliated with unkind comments about her, naming some lovers and implying many others. Lady Mary’s careful editors have addressed these slanders with great diligence; and although in one case, regarding an Italian affair, they overlooked a passage in Sir Horace Mann’s letters that oddly supports Walpole, I believe they have fully vindicated their heroine.
After all, Lady Mary’s best defense against scandal is her own temperament and her own words. It is true, those who have lived a wild life are often the first to exclaim against it. But in this case the language bears every mark of being prompted by observation rather than experience. She says of the notorious Lady Vane: “I think there is no rational creature that would not prefer the life of the strictest Carmelite to the round of hurry and misfortune she has gone through.”
After all, Lady Mary's best defense against scandal is her own attitude and her own words. It's true that people who have lived recklessly are often the first to criticize it. But in this case, her comments obviously come from observation rather than personal experience. She says of the infamous Lady Vane: "I think there is no rational person who wouldn't choose the life of the strictest Carmelite over the chaos and misfortune she has endured."
Lady Mary’s long sojourn in Italy towards the close of her life did much to increase suspicion in regard to her relations with her husband. Her greatest admirers have not been able to explain clearly why she wished to exile herself in such a fashion. But the tone in which, during the whole period, she writes both to Mr. Wortley Montagu and of him, is absolutely incompatible with any serious coldness between them. “My most fervent wishes are for your health and happiness.” And again: “I have never heard from her since, nor from any other person in England, which gives me the greatest uneasiness; but the most sensible part of it is in regard of your health, which is truly and sincerely the dearest concern I have in this world.”
Lady Mary’s long stay in Italy toward the end of her life fueled a lot of suspicion about her relationship with her husband. Even her biggest fans can't clearly explain why she chose to isolate herself like that. However, the way she writes to Mr. Wortley Montagu, and about him, throughout this time shows there's no real coldness between them. “My most fervent wishes are for your health and happiness.” And again: “I have never heard from her since, nor from any other person in England, which gives me the greatest uneasiness; but the most sensible part of it is in regard to your health, which is truly and sincerely the dearest concern I have in this world.”
Lady Mary had two children, and as a mother she is very much what she is as a wife, reasonable, prudent, devoted, but neither clinging nor adoring. She had, indeed, a happy art of expressing maternal tenderness, as of expressing everything, by which I do not imply that her feelings were not sincere, but simply that they were not very vital or very overwhelming. When she sets out on her travels, she is heartbroken over the[11] perils and exposures for her son: “I have long learnt to hold myself at nothing; but when I think of the fatigue my poor infant must suffer, I have all a mother’s fondness in my eyes, and all her tender passions in my heart.” But her language about this same son, when grown to manhood, is somewhat astounding. He was a most extraordinary black sheep, wasted money, contracted debts, gambled, liked evil occupations and worse company, varied a multiplicity of wives with a multiplicity of religions, was once in jail, and never respectable. All this Lady Mary deplores, but she is not driven to despair by it; on the contrary, she analyzes his character to his father with singular cold soberness. “It is very disagreeable to me to converse with one from whom I do not expect to hear a word of truth, and, who, I am very sure, will repeat many things that never passed in our conversation.” Or, more generally, “I suppose you are now convinced I have never been mistaken in his character; which remains unchanged, and what is yet worse, I think is unchangeable. I never saw such a complication of folly and falsity as in his letter to Mr. G.”
Lady Mary had two children, and as a mother, she is very much the same as she is as a wife: reasonable, sensible, devoted, but neither clingy nor worshipful. She has a unique way of showing maternal affection, as she does with everything else. This doesn't mean her feelings aren't sincere; it just means they aren't very intense or overwhelming. When she embarks on her travels, she feels heartbroken about the dangers her son might face: “I've long learned not to hold myself back, but when I think about the exhaustion my poor baby will endure, all a mother’s love fills my eyes, and all her tender emotions fill my heart.” However, her words about this same son, now grown, are quite striking. He turned out to be quite the black sheep, squandering money, accumulating debt, gambling, enjoying bad habits and worse company, juggling multiple wives with multiple religions, spending time in jail, and never being respectable. Lady Mary finds all this regrettable, but it doesn't drive her to despair; instead, she examines his character to his father with unusual detachment. “It's very unpleasant for me to talk to someone I don’t expect to hear a word of truth from and who, I’m sure, will repeat things that never happened in our conversation.” Or, more generally, “I suppose you now believe I've never been wrong about his character; it remains unchanged, and what’s worse, I think it’s unchangeable. I've never seen such a mix of foolishness and dishonesty as I did in his letter to Mr. G.”
Her daughter, Lady Bute, she was fond of. “Your happiness,” she writes to her, “was my first wish, and the pursuit of all my actions, divested of all self-interest.” Nevertheless, she lived contentedly without seeing her for twenty years.
Her daughter, Lady Bute, was someone she cared about a lot. “Your happiness,” she writes to her, “was my first wish and the goal of everything I did, without any self-interest.” Still, she was happy living without seeing her for twenty years.
That Lady Mary was a good manager domestically hardly admits of doubt; but I find no evidence that she loved peculiarly feminine occupations, though she does somewhere remark that she considers certain types of[12] learned ladies “much inferior to the plain sense of a cook maid, who can make a good pudding and keep the kitchen in good order.” Among her numerous benefactions in Italy was the teaching of her neighbors how to make bread and butter.
That Lady Mary was a good homemaker is beyond question; however, I see no proof that she had a special fondness for traditionally feminine tasks. She does mention somewhere that she thinks some types of[12] educated women are “far inferior to the simple common sense of a cook who can make a good pudding and keep the kitchen tidy.” Among her many charitable acts in Italy was teaching her neighbors how to make bread and butter.
It is said that her servants loved her, not unnaturally, if she carried out her own maxim: “The small proportion of authority that has fallen to my share (only over a few children and servants) has always been a burden, ... and I believe every one finds it so who acts from a maxim ... that whoever is under my power is under my protection.” She was a natural aristocrat, however, both socially and politically, and any leveling tendencies that she may have cherished in the ardor of youth, vanished entirely with years and experience. “Was it possible for me to elevate anybody from the station in which they were born, I now would not do it: perhaps it is a rebellion against that Providence that has placed them; all we ought to do is to endeavour to make them easy in the rank assigned them.” And elsewhere, in a much more elaborate passage, she expresses herself with a deliberate haughtiness of rank and privilege which has rarely been surpassed. In her youth, she says, silly prejudice taught her that she was to treat no one as an inferior. But she has learned better and come to see that such a notion made her “admit many familiar acquaintances, of which I have heartily repented every one, and the greatest examples I have known of honor and integrity have been among those of the highest birth and fortunes.” The English tendency to mingle classes and level distinctions[13] will, she believes, have some day fatal consequences. How curious, in so keen a wit, the failure to foresee that just this English social elasticity would avert the terrible disaster which was to befall the neat gradations of French order and system!
It’s said that her servants loved her, which isn’t surprising, given that she followed her own belief: “The small amount of authority I have (over a few kids and servants) has always felt like a burden, ... and I think everyone feels this way if they act on the belief that whoever is under my power is also under my protection.” However, she was naturally aristocratic, both socially and politically, and any equalizing ideas she may have had in her youthful enthusiasm completely disappeared with age and experience. “If I could elevate anyone from the position they were born into, I wouldn’t do it now: perhaps it’s a rebellion against the Providence that placed them there; all we should do is try to make them comfortable in their assigned rank.” In another, more elaborate statement, she expresses a sense of superiority that’s rarely been surpassed. In her youth, she claims, foolish prejudice led her to think she shouldn't treat anyone as inferior. But she has learned otherwise and now sees that this idea made her “welcome many casual acquaintances, each of which I have deeply regretted, and the finest examples of honor and integrity I’ve known have been among those of the highest status and wealth.” She believes that the English tendency to mix classes and blur distinctions[13] will one day lead to dire consequences. How strange, for someone so sharp-witted, to not realize that precisely this social flexibility in England would prevent the catastrophic collapse that befell the neat hierarchies of French order and structure!
Lady Mary was not only practical in her household, but in all the other common concerns of life. Few women have pushed their husbands on in the world with more vigorous energy than is shown in the letters she writes to Mr. Wortley Montagu, urging him to drop his diffidence and claim what he deserves. “No modest man ever did, or ever will, make his fortune.”
Lady Mary was not just practical at home, but also in all the other everyday matters of life. Few women have motivated their husbands to succeed in the world with more determination than shown in the letters she writes to Mr. Wortley Montagu, pushing him to overcome his shyness and go after what he deserves. "No modest man ever did, or ever will, make his fortune."
As regards money, also, she was eminently a woman of business—too eminently, say her enemies. One reason alleged for her quarrel with Pope is his well-meant advice which brought her large losses in South Sea speculation. However much one may like and admire her, it is impossible wholly to explain away Walpole’s picture of her sordid avarice, which cannot be omitted, though hideous. “Lady Mary Wortley is arrived; I have seen her; I think her avarice, her dirt, and her vivacity are all increased. Her dress, like her languages, is a galimatias of several countries, the groundwork, rags; and the embroidery nastiness. She wears no cap, no handkerchief, no gown, no petticoat, no shoes. An old black-laced hood represents the first; the fur of a horseman’s coat, which replaces the third, serves for the second; a dimity petticoat is deputy, and officiates for the fourth; and slippers act the part of the last.”
When it comes to money, she was definitely a savvy businesswoman—maybe too much so, according to her critics. One reason given for her falling out with Pope is his well-meaning advice that led her to suffer significant losses in South Sea investments. No matter how much you may admire her, it’s hard to completely dismiss Walpole’s description of her greedy nature, which can’t be ignored, even if it sounds ugly. “Lady Mary Wortley has arrived; I’ve seen her. I think her greed, her messiness, and her liveliness have all gotten worse. Her outfit, like her languages, is a jumble from different countries; the foundation is rags, and the embellishments are just gross. She doesn’t wear a cap, a handkerchief, a dress, a petticoat, or shoes. An old black-laced hood takes the place of the first; a horseman’s coat serves as the replacement for the third; a dimity petticoat stands in for the fourth; and slippers stand in for the last.”
It is easy to see here the brush of hatred deepening[14] the colors; but hatred can hardly have invented the whole. Yet all the references to money matters in Lady Mary’s letters are sane and commendable. She hates poverty, and she hates extravagance as the road to poverty, and she cherishes thrift as the assurance of independence and comfort. That sort of lavish living which is certain to end in suffering for self and others she condemns bitterly. Will any one say she can condemn it too bitterly? “He lives upon rapine—I mean running in debt to poor people, who perhaps he will never be able to pay.” But I do not find that she cherishes money for itself. We should seek riches, she says, but why? “As the world is, and will be, ’tis a sort of duty to be rich, that it may be in one’s power to do good, riches being another word for power.” With which compare the remark of Gray, a man surely not liable to the charge of avarice: “It is a striking thing that one can’t only not live as one pleases, but where and with whom one pleases, without money. Swift somewhere says, that money is liberty; and I fear money is friendship, too, and society, and almost every external blessing. It is a great, though ill-natured, comfort, to see most of those who have it in plenty, without pleasure, without liberty, and without friends.”
It’s easy to see the deepening brush of hatred coloring the situation; however, hatred probably didn't create the entire issue. Still, all the mentions of money in Lady Mary’s letters are clear-headed and commendable. She despises poverty and also detests extravagance as a pathway to poverty, valuing thrift as a guarantee of independence and comfort. She fiercely criticizes that kind of excessive living, which is bound to lead to suffering for oneself and others. Can anyone argue that her condemnation isn’t strong enough? “He lives off others—I mean, getting into debt with poor people whom he might never be able to repay.” But I don’t think she values money for its own sake. She believes we should seek wealth, but for what reason? “Given the state of the world, it’s kind of a duty to be rich, so we have the power to do good, as riches are another term for power.” Compare this to Gray’s remark, a man certainly not prone to greed: “It’s striking that not only can we not live as we wish, but we also can’t choose where and with whom to live, without money. Swift writes somewhere that money is freedom; and I worry that money also represents friendship, society, and nearly every external blessing. It’s quite a dismal comfort to observe that most people who have plenty of it live without pleasure, without freedom, and without friends.”
Nevertheless, it must be admitted that in these questions of conduct Lady Mary does not err on the side of enthusiasm. In a long and curious passage she enlarges on the virtues of her favorite model—Atticus, the typical trimmer and opportunist, who lived in one of the greatest crises of the world, and weathered it safe and rich, who had many friends and served many and[15] betrayed none, but did not think any cause good enough to die for.
Nevertheless, it has to be said that when it comes to questions of conduct, Lady Mary doesn't lean toward enthusiasm. In a long and interesting passage, she talks about the virtues of her favorite example—Atticus, who was the perfect opportunist and compromiser. He lived through one of the biggest crises in history and came out safe and wealthy, had many friends, helped many people, and betrayed none, but didn't believe any cause was worth dying for.[15]
As regards social life and general human relations, it is very much the same. Lady Mary had vast acquaintance. I do not find that she had many friends, either dear or intimate. Of Lady Oxford she does, indeed, always speak with deep affection. And she says of herself, no doubt truly: “I have a constancy in my nature that makes me always remember my old friends.” Also her love of a snapping exchange of wit made her appreciate conversation. “You know I have ever been of opinion that a chosen conversation composed of a few that one esteems is the greatest happiness of life.” Yet she was too full of resources to need people, too critical to love people, too little sympathetic to pity people. And in one of the lightning sentences of self-revelation she shows a temperament not perfectly endowed by heaven for friendship: “I manage my friends with such a strong yet with a gentle hand, that they are both willing to do whatever I have a mind to.”
As for social life and general human relations, it's pretty much the same. Lady Mary had a wide circle of acquaintances. I don't see that she had many close or dear friends. She always speaks of Lady Oxford with genuine affection. And she definitely says about herself, probably truthfully: “I have a steadiness in my nature that makes me always remember my old friends.” Her enjoyment of witty banter also made her value conversation. “You know I've always believed that a good conversation with a few people you respect is the greatest happiness in life.” Yet, she was so self-sufficient that she didn't need people, too critical to truly love them, and too unsympathetic to feel pity for them. In one of her sharp moments of self-revelation, she reveals a temperament not fully suited for friendship: “I manage my friends with such a strong yet gentle hand, that they are both willing to do whatever I want.”
But, if she did not love mankind, she found them endlessly amusing, a perpetual food for observation and curiosity. And the wandering life she led nourished this taste to the fullest degree. “It was a violent transition from your palace and company to be locked up all day with my chambermaid, and sleep at night in a hovel; but my whole life has been in the Pindaric style.” It is this love of diversity, this keen sense of the human in all its phases, which give zest to her Turkish letters and the record of wanderings and hardships[16] which might not now be encountered in a journey to the Pole. But long wanderings and strange faces are not necessary for the naturalist of souls who can find the ugliest weeds and tenderest flowers at his own front door. Lady Mary was never tired of studying souls and thought highly of her own discernment in them. “I have seldom been mistaken in my first judgment of those I thought it worth while to consider.” This confidence I am sorry to find in her; for I have always believed it a good rule that those who asserted their sure judgment of men knew little about them. True insight is more modest. At any rate, mistaken or not, she found the varied spectacle of human action endlessly diverting and again and again recurs to the charm of it: “I endeavour upon this occasion to do as I have hitherto done in all the odd turns of my life; turn them, if I can, to my diversion.” “I own I enjoy vast delight in the folly of mankind; and, God be praised, that is an inexhaustible source of entertainment.”
But, even if she didn’t love humanity, she found people endlessly entertaining, a constant source of observation and curiosity. The nomadic life she led fueled this interest to the fullest. “It was a jarring shift from your palace and company to being cooped up all day with my maid and sleeping at night in a shabby place; but my whole life has been lived in a grand, adventurous style.” It’s this appreciation for diversity, this sharp awareness of humanity in all its forms, that adds flavor to her Turkish letters and the account of her travels and challenges[16] that you wouldn't likely encounter even on a trip to the Pole. Yet, long travels and unusual faces aren’t necessary for someone who truly understands the human soul and can spot both the ugliest weeds and the most delicate flowers right at their doorstep. Lady Mary never grew tired of examining souls and was quite confident in her ability to read them. “I have rarely been wrong in my first impression of those I believed were worth considering.” I regret to see this confidence in her because I’ve always thought it’s a good rule that those who claim they can read people often understand very little about them. True insight is more humble. Regardless, whether right or wrong, she found the diverse display of human actions endlessly entertaining and repeatedly refers to its charm: “I try on this occasion to do what I’ve always done in all the strange twists of my life; I aim to turn them, if I can, into my amusement.” “I admit I take great pleasure in the foolishness of mankind; and, thank God, that’s an endless source of entertainment.”
Thus she could always amuse herself with men and women. At the same time, she could amuse herself without them and needed neither courtship nor cards nor gossip to keep her heart at ease. It is true that in youth she knew youth’s restlessness, and that haunting dread, chronic to some souls, which fills one day with anxiety as to what may fill the next. To Mrs. Hewet she writes: “Be so good as never to read a letter of mine but in one of those minutes when you are entirely alone, weary of everything, and inquiète to think of what you shall do next. All people who live in the country must have some of those minutes.” But time[17] soothes this and makes the present seem so insufficient that the poor shreds of life remaining can never quite eke it out. “I have now lived almost seven years in a stricter retirement than yours in the Isle of Bute, and can assure you, I have never had half an hour heavy on my hands, for want of something to do.”
Thus, she could always entertain herself with both men and women. At the same time, she could find amusement without them and didn’t need courtship, cards, or gossip to keep her heart at ease. It's true that in her youth, she experienced the restlessness of being young and that nagging fear, common to some souls, which fills a day with anxiety about what the next day might bring. To Mrs. Hewet, she writes: “Please only read a letter of mine when you’re completely alone, tired of everything, and feeling anxious about what to do next. Everyone living in the country must have some of those moments.” But time[17] eases this, making the present feel so insufficient that the few remnants of life left can never quite be enough. “I have now lived almost seven years in a stricter retreat than yours in the Isle of Bute, and I can assure you, I have never had half an hour feeling heavy on my hands, for lack of something to do.”
Her country life did not, indeed, include much ecstasy over the natural world. She was born too early for Rousseau and it is doubtful whether high romance could ever have seriously appealed to her. She finds Venice a gay social centre. Of its poetry, its mystery, its moonlight, never a word. Perhaps these did not exist before Byron. On the Alps and their sublimity she has as delightful a phrase as the whole eighteenth century can furnish (italics mine): “The prodigious prospect of mountains covered with eternal snow, clouds hanging far below our feet, and the vast cascades tumbling down the rocks with a confused roaring, would have been solemnly entertaining to me, if I had suffered less from the extreme cold that reigns here.” If that is not Salvator Rosa in little, what is? I know few things better, unless it be Ovid’s Nile jocose, gamesome Nile.
Her life in the countryside didn't really bring her much joy in the natural world. She was born too early for the ideas of Rousseau, and it’s questionable whether the lofty romance ever really appealed to her. She enjoys Venice as a lively social hub, but she never mentions its poetry, mystery, or moonlight. Maybe these didn’t even exist before Byron. About the Alps and their grandeur, she has a delightful description that captures the essence of the entire eighteenth century (italics mine): “The incredible view of mountains covered with eternal snow, clouds hanging far below our feet, and the massive waterfalls crashing down the rocks with a loud roar, would have been solemnly entertaining to me, if I hadn’t been suffering so much from the extreme cold here.” If that isn’t a little piece of Salvator Rosa, what is? I know few things better, unless it’s Ovid’s Nile jocose, playful Nile.
No. Lady Mary’s nature, like that of most of her contemporaries, was an artful invention of trim lawns, boxed walks, shady alleys with a statue at the end or a ruined temple on a turfy hill. Such gardens she liked well enough to stroll in; but the garden that charmed her most was the garden of her soul. “Whoever will cultivate their own mind, will find full employment. Every virtue does not only require great care in the[18] planting, but as much daily solicitude in cherishing, as exotic fruits and flowers.... Add to this the search after knowledge (every branch of which is entertaining), and the longest life is too short for the pursuit of it.”
No. Lady Mary’s character, like that of most people in her time, was a clever creation of well-kept lawns, bordered paths, shaded walkways ending in a statue or a crumbling temple on a grassy hill. She enjoyed strolling through such gardens, but the one that truly captivated her was the garden of her mind. “Anyone who cultivates their own mind will always find plenty to do. Every virtue not only needs careful planting, but also daily attention and care, just like exotic fruits and flowers.... Furthermore, add the quest for knowledge (which is entertaining in every aspect), and even the longest life is too short for pursuing it.”
In that pursuit she never tired, from her early youth to her latest years. Indeed, among her contemporaries she had the reputation of a learning as masculine as some of her other tastes and habits. Here rumor probably exaggerated, as usual. She herself, in her many curious and interesting references to her education, disclaims anything of the sort. She was a bright, quick child, left to herself, with a passion for reading and many books accessible. She learned Latin, French, and Italian, and used them, but rather as a reader than as a scholar. Systematic intellectual training she could hardly have had or desired, merely that passionate delight in the things of the mind which is one of the greatest blessings that can be bestowed upon a human being. “If,” she says of her granddaughter, “she has the same inclination (I should say passion) for learning that I was born with, history, geography, and philosophy will furnish her materials to pass away cheerfully a longer life than is allotted to mortals.”
In her quest for knowledge, she never grew tired, from her early youth to her later years. In fact, among her peers, she was known for having a level of understanding that was as robust as some of her other preferences and habits. Here, it's likely that rumors exaggerated the truth, as they often do. She herself, in her many intriguing comments about her education, denies being anything of the sort. She was a bright, quick child, often left to her own devices, with a love for reading and many books available to her. She learned Latin, French, and Italian, and used them more as a reader than a scholar. She probably didn't have or want systematic intellectual training—just a passionate enjoyment of mental pursuits, which is one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. “If,” she says of her granddaughter, “she has the same inclination (I would say passion) for learning that I was born with, history, geography, and philosophy will provide her with the materials to enjoy a longer life than is typically given to mortals.”
She had, however, little disposition to brag of her acquirements. On the contrary, it is singular with what insistence, bitterness almost, she urges that a woman should never, never allow herself to be thought wiser or more studious than her kind. Read, if you please; think, if you please; but keep it to yourself. Otherwise women will laugh at you and men avoid you. “I[19] never studied anything in my life, and have always (at least from fifteen) thought the reputation of learning a misfortune to a woman.” And again, of her granddaughter, with a sharp tang that hints at many sad experiences, “The second caution to be given her is to conceal whatever learning she attains, with as much solicitude as she would hide crookedness or lameness; the parade of it can only serve to draw on her the envy, and consequently the most inveterate hatred, of all he and she fools, which will certainly be at least three parts in four of all her acquaintance.”
She really had no inclination to boast about her knowledge. On the contrary, it’s interesting how strongly she emphasizes, almost bitterly, that a woman should never, ever let others think she’s wiser or more studious than her peers. Go ahead and read if you want; think if you want; but keep it to yourself. Otherwise, women will mock you and men will steer clear of you. “I’ve never studied anything in my life, and I’ve always (at least since I was fifteen) believed that being known for learning is a curse for a woman.” And again, speaking about her granddaughter, with a sharpness that suggests she’s had many sad experiences, “The second piece of advice I would give her is to hide any knowledge she gains as carefully as she would hide a physical deformity; showing it off will only invite the envy and, as a result, the most intense hatred from the fools, which will make up at least three-quarters of everyone she knows.”
It is in this spirit that Lady Mary speaks very slightingly of her own poems and other writings; and indeed, they do not deserve much better. For us they are chiefly significant as emphasizing, in their coarseness and in some other peculiarities, that masculine strain which has been so apparent in many sides of her interesting personality.
It is in this spirit that Lady Mary dismisses her own poems and other writings; and honestly, they don't deserve much more praise. For us, they mainly highlight, through their roughness and some other traits, that masculine influence which has been so noticeable in various aspects of her intriguing personality.
As a critic she is more fruitful than as an author, and her remarks on contemporary writers have a singular vigor and independence. Johnson she recommends for the idle and ignorant. “Such gentle readers may be improved by a moral hint, which, though repeated over and over from generation to generation, they never heard in their lives.” Fielding and Smollett she adores—again the man’s taste, you see. On Clarissa she is charming. The man in her disapproves, derides. The woman weeps, “like any milkmaid of sixteen over the ballad of the Lady’s Fall.” But weeping, or laughing, or yawning, she reads, reads, reads. For she is a true lover of books. And she thus delightfully amplifies[20] Montesquieu’s delightful eulogy, “Je n’ai jamais eu de chagrin qu’une demi-heure de lecture ne pouvait dissiper.” “I wish your daughters to resemble me in nothing but the love of reading, knowing, by experience, how far it is capable of softening the cruellest accidents of life; even the happiest cannot be passed over without many uneasy hours; and there is no remedy so easy as books, which, if they do not give cheerfulness, at least restore quiet to the most troubled mind. Those that fly to cards or company for relief, generally find they only exchange one misfortune for another.”
As a critic, she provides more insight than as a writer, and her comments on modern authors have a unique energy and independence. She suggests Johnson for the lazy and uninformed. “Such gentle readers may benefit from a moral lesson, which, although repeated throughout generations, they’ve never encountered in their lives.” She adores Fielding and Smollett—again, it reflects the man's taste, you see. She is charming about Clarissa. The man in her dismisses, mocks. The woman cries, “like any sixteen-year-old milkmaid over the ballad of the Lady’s Fall.” But whether she’s weeping, laughing, or yawning, she reads, reads, reads. Because she is a true book lover. And she sweetly expands on Montesquieu’s lovely praise, “Je n’ai jamais eu de chagrin qu’une demi-heure de lecture ne pouvait dissiper.” “I wish your daughters to be like me only in their love for reading, knowing from experience how much it can soften life’s harshest challenges; even the happiest moments come with many uneasy hours, and there is no easier remedy than books, which, if they don’t bring joy, at least restore peace to the most troubled mind. Those who turn to cards or socializing for comfort usually find they’re just trading one misfortune for another.”
It must be by this time manifest that in the things of the spirit Lady Mary was as masculine and as stoical as in things of the flesh. In very early youth she translated Epictetus and he stood by her to the grave. Life has its vexations and many of them. People fret and torment, till even her equanimity sometimes gives way. “I am sick with vexation.” But, in general, she surmounts or forgets, now with an unpleasant, haughty fling of cynical scorn, “For my part, as it is my established opinion that this globe of ours is no better than a Holland cheese, and the walkers about in it mites, I possess my mind in patience, let what will happen; and should feel tolerably easy, though a great rat came and ate half of it up;” now, as in her very last years, with a gentler reminiscence of her heroic teacher: “In this world much must be suffered, and we ought all to follow the rule of Epictetus, ‘Bear and forbear.’”
It must now be clear that in matters of the spirit, Lady Mary was as strong and stoic as she was in physical matters. From a very young age, she translated Epictetus, and his teachings stayed with her for life. Life has its irritations, and there are many. People worry and stress over them, until even she occasionally loses her calm. “I’m sick of this frustration.” But generally, she either moves past it or forgets it, sometimes with a dismissive, proud sneer of cynical disdain, “For my part, since I believe this world is no better than a piece of cheese, and the people in it are just bugs, I stay patient no matter what happens; I’d feel pretty relaxed even if a big rat came and ate half of it.” In her later years, she reflected more gently on her wise teacher: “In this world, we must endure a lot, and we should all follow Epictetus's advice, ‘Bear and forbear.’”
As for nerves, vapors, melancholy, she has little experience of such feminine weakness, and no patience with it. “Mutability of sublunary things is the only[21] melancholy reflection I have to make on my own account.” She seldom makes any other. “Strictly speaking, there is but one real evil—I mean acute pain; all other complaints are so considerably diminished by time, that it is plain the grief of it is owing to our passion, since the sensation of it vanishes when that is over.” If by chance any little wrinkle shows itself, sigh from some unknown despair, winter shadow of old age and failing strength and falling friends, let us smother it, strangle it, obliterate it, by a book, or a flower, or a smile. In these matters habit is everything.
As for nerves, anxiety, and feeling down, she doesn't have much experience with such feminine weaknesses and isn't patient with them. “The constant change of worldly things is the only[21] sad thought I have for myself.” She hardly thinks about anything else. “Honestly, there’s only one real source of suffering—I’m talking about acute pain; all other issues fade significantly over time, which shows that our grief comes from our emotions, since the pain disappears once those feelings are gone.” If by chance a small wrinkle appears, a sigh comes from some unknown sadness—the winter shadow of aging, fading strength, and lost friends—let’s suppress it, strangle it, erase it, with a book, a flower, or a smile. In these matters, habit is everything.
And what was God in Lady Mary’s life? Apparently, little or nothing. As strangely little as in so many eighteenth century lives. There is no rebellion, no passionate debate of hope or doubt; simply, as it seems, very little thought given to the subject. Religion is a useful thing—for the million, oh, an excellent thing, under any garb, in Turkey, in Italy, in England. Respect it? Yes. Cherish it? Yes. Believe it? The question is—well, an impertinent one. And if it be said that there may have been a feeling that some things were too sacred to be spoken about, let anyone who can read Lady Mary’s letters through and retain that idea, cling to it for his comfort.
And what did God mean in Lady Mary’s life? Apparently, very little or nothing at all. Just as surprisingly little as in many lives of the eighteenth century. There’s no rebellion, no intense discussion of hope or doubt; it just seems there’s not much thought given to the topic. Religion is useful—certainly, it’s great for the masses, no matter the form, in Turkey, in Italy, in England. Respect it? Sure. Treasure it? Absolutely. Believe it? That’s the real question—well, it’s a bit rude to ask. And if someone argues that there might have been a feeling that some things were too sacred to discuss, let anyone who reads Lady Mary’s letters and still holds onto that idea cling to it for their own comfort.
No, she lived like a gentlewoman, I had almost said like a gentleman, with a decent regard for the proprieties, a fundamental instinct of duty, a fair share of human charity, and an inexhaustible delight in the fleeting shows of time. And she died as she had lived. “Lady Mary Wortley, too, is departing,” says Horace Walpole. “She brought over a cancer in her breast,[22] which she concealed till about six weeks ago. It burst and there are no hopes of her. She behaves with great fortitude, and says she has lived long enough.”
No, she lived like a lady, I almost said like a gentleman, with a proper respect for social norms, a strong sense of duty, a good amount of human kindness, and an endless joy in the temporary beauty of life. And she died as she lived. “Lady Mary Wortley is also fading away,” says Horace Walpole. “She brought a cancer in her breast,[22] which she kept hidden until about six weeks ago. It has worsened, and there’s no hope for her. She is handling it with great courage and says she has lived long enough.”
Altogether, not a winning figure, but a solid one, who, with many oddities, treads earth firmly, and makes life seem respectable, if not bewitching.
Altogether, not a standout person, but a dependable one, who, despite many quirks, walks the earth confidently and makes life appear respectable, if not enchanting.
CHRONOLOGY
- Elizabeth Vassall
- Born March 25, 1771.
- Married Sir Godfrey Webster 1786.
- Traveled abroad 1791-1796.
- Divorced July 4, 1797.
- Married Lord Holland July 6, 1797.
- Lord Holland died 1840.
- Died 1845.

Elizabeth, Lady Holland
Lady Elizabeth Holland
II
LADY HOLLAND
The brilliant salons which have made so conspicuous a figure in French social life have had few counterparts in England. English women have perhaps influenced politics and thought quite as powerfully as have their French sisters. But in England the work has been done through husbands or fathers or brothers, domestically, not in an open social circle where wit glitters and ideas clash.
The vibrant salons that have played such a significant role in French social life have had few equivalents in England. English women have likely influenced politics and ideas just as much as their French counterparts. However, in England, this influence has come through their husbands, fathers, or brothers, within the home environment, rather than in a public social setting where cleverness shines and ideas collide.
One of the most notable exceptions to this rule was the Holland House society during the first half of the nineteenth century. Politically Holland House was a Whig centre; but its hospitable doors were open to all who talked or thought. Fox, Canning, Brougham, Grey, Melbourne, John Russell, unbent there and discussed great themes and little. Rogers mocked, Sydney Smith laughed, Moore sang, Macaulay unwound his memory, and Greville listened and recorded. Wordsworth dropped a thought there, Talleyrand a witticism. Irving brought over the America of the eighteenth century, Ticknor of the nineteenth.
One of the most notable exceptions to this rule was the Holland House society during the first half of the nineteenth century. Politically, Holland House was a Whig center, but its doors were open to anyone who wanted to talk or think. Fox, Canning, Brougham, Grey, Melbourne, and John Russell relaxed there and discussed big ideas and small ones. Rogers joked, Sydney Smith laughed, Moore sang, Macaulay shared his memories, and Greville listened and took notes. Wordsworth shared a thought there, while Talleyrand offered a witty remark. Irving brought the America of the eighteenth century, and Ticknor represented the nineteenth.
“It is the house of all Europe,” says Greville. “All like it more or less; and whenever ... it shall come to an end, a vacuum will be made in society which nothing can supply. The world will suffer by the loss; and it may be said with truth that it will ‘eclipse the gaiety of[26] nations.’” Macaulay adorned the theme with his ample rhetoric: “Former guests will recollect how many men who have guided the politics of Europe, who have moved great assemblies by reason and eloquence, who have put life into bronze or canvas, or who have left to posterity things so written that it shall not willingly let them die, were there mixed with all that was loveliest and gayest in the society of the most splendid of capitals. They will remember the peculiar character which belonged to that circle, in which every talent and accomplishment, every art and science, had its place.... They will remember, above all, the grace, and the kindness, far more admirable than grace, with which the princely hospitality of that ancient mansion was dispensed. They will remember the venerable and benignant countenance and the cordial voice of him who bade them welcome.... They will remember, too, that he whose name they hold in reverence was not less distinguished by the inflexible uprightness of his political conduct than by his loving disposition and his winning manners. They will remember that, in the last lines which he traced, he expressed his joy that he had done nothing unworthy of the friend of Fox and Grey; and they will have reason to feel similar joy, if, in looking back on many troubled years, they cannot accuse themselves of having done anything unworthy of men who were distinguished by the friendship of Lord Holland.”
“It is the house of all Europe,” says Greville. “Everyone appreciates it to some extent; and whenever ... it comes to an end, a void will be created in society that nothing can fill. The world will suffer from that loss; and it can honestly be said that it will ‘eclipse the gaiety of[26] nations.’” Macaulay embellished this theme with his extensive rhetoric: “Former guests will remember how many individuals who shaped European politics, moved significant gatherings through reason and eloquence, brought life to statues or paintings, or left behind works so written that they will not easily be forgotten, were present among all that was most beautiful and joyful in the society of the finest capital. They will recall the unique character of that circle, where every talent and achievement, every art and science, had its place.... They will remember, above all, the grace, and the kindness, which is even more admirable than grace, with which the generous hospitality of that historic mansion was offered. They will remember the dignified and kind expression and the warm voice of the person who welcomed them.... They will also remember that he whose name they honor was equally known for the strict integrity of his political actions as for his affectionate nature and charming demeanor. They will recall that in his final written words, he expressed happiness that he had done nothing unworthy of the friend of Fox and Grey; and they will have reason to feel similar joy if, in reflecting on many difficult years, they find they cannot accuse themselves of having acted in a manner unworthy of men notable for their friendship with Lord Holland.”
You will observe that little is said here of the mistress of the house. As regards Lord Holland, it is instructive to turn from Macaulay’s swelling periods to[27] the cool comment of Greville, who was neither a rhetorician nor a cynic: “I doubt, from all I see, whether anybody (except his own family, including Allen) had really a very warm affection for Lord Holland, and the reason probably is that he had none for anybody.”
You’ll notice that not much is said here about the lady of the house. When it comes to Lord Holland, it’s eye-opening to shift from Macaulay’s grand language to[27] the straightforward observation of Greville, who was neither a skilled orator nor a skeptic: “I question, based on everything I see, whether anyone (aside from his own family, including Allen) had a genuine fondness for Lord Holland, and the likely reason is that he didn’t have much affection for anyone.”
There was a mistress of the house and Macaulay elsewhere has enough to say about her. It is quite astonishing, the unanimity with which her guests combine to slight her character and emphasize her defects. Macaulay asserts, in the passage quoted above, that “all that was loveliest and gayest” met at Holland House. This is quite false; for few women went there. Those who did had little good to say of their hostess. In the early years before she married Lord Holland, Miss Holroyd wrote of her: “If anybody ever offends you so grievously that you do not recollect any punishment bad enough for them, only wish them on a party of pleasure with Lady Webster!... Everything that was proposed she decidedly determined on a contrary scheme, and as regularly altered her mind in a few hours.” Long after, Fanny Kemble expresses herself quite as bitterly: “The impression she made upon me was so disagreeable that for a time it involved every member of that dinner party in a halo of undistinguishable dislike in my mind.”
There was a lady of the house, and Macaulay has quite a lot to say about her. It's really surprising how unanimously her guests overlook her character and highlight her flaws. Macaulay claims, in the passage quoted above, that “all that was loveliest and gayest” gathered at Holland House. This is completely untrue; very few women attended. Those who did had little positive to say about their hostess. In the early years before she married Lord Holland, Miss Holroyd wrote about her: “If anyone ever offends you so severely that you can't think of a punishment harsh enough for them, just wish them on a fun outing with Lady Webster!... Everything that was suggested, she firmly decided to do the opposite, and she regularly changed her mind within a few hours.” Much later, Fanny Kemble expresses her feelings just as strongly: “The impression she made on me was so unpleasant that for a time it cast a shadow of indistinguishable dislike over every member of that dinner party in my mind.”
When the women condemn, one expects the men to praise. In this case they do not. All alike, in milder or harsher terms, record her acts that crushed, her speeches that stung. The gentle Moore takes Irving to visit her. “Lady H. said, ‘What an uncouth hour to[28] come at,’ which alarmed me a little, but she was very civil to him.” Rogers told Dyce that “when she wanted to get rid of a fop, she would beg his pardon and ask him to sit little further off, adding ‘there is something on your handkerchief I do not quite like.’” She observed to Rogers himself: “Your poetry is bad enough, so pray be sparing of your prose.” And to Lord Porchester: “I am sorry to hear you are going to publish a poem. Can’t you suppress it?”
When women criticize, people expect men to praise. In this case, they don’t. All of them, whether in softer or harsher ways, note her actions that hurt and her remarks that stung. The kind Moore takes Irving to see her. “Lady H. said, ‘What an awkward time to come by,’ which made me a bit uneasy, but she was very polite to him.” Rogers told Dyce that “when she wanted to shake off a dandy, she would apologize and ask him to sit a bit further away, adding, ‘there’s something on your handkerchief that I don’t like.’” She remarked to Rogers directly: “Your poetry is bad enough, so please be careful with your prose.” And to Lord Porchester: “I’m sorry to hear you’re planning to publish a poem. Can’t you stop it?”
Also they paid her back in kind, with a vim which, in gentlemen, as they all were, seems to imply immense provocation. “My lady ... asked me how I could write those vulgar verses the other day about Hunt,” writes Moore. “Asked her in turn, why she should take it for granted, if they were so vulgar, that it was I who wrote them.” Croker records: “Lady Holland was saying yesterday to her assembled coterie, ‘Why should not Lord Holland be Secretary for Foreign Affairs—why not as well as Lord Landsdowne for the Home Department?’ Little Lord John Russell is said to have replied, in his quiet way, ‘Why, they say, Ma’am, that you open all Lord Holland’s letters, and the Foreign Ministers might not like that.’” Rogers was talking of beautiful hair. “Why, Rogers, only a few years ago I had such a head of hair that I could hide myself in it, and I’ve lost it all.” Rogers merely answered, “What a pity!” “But with such a look and tone,” says Fanny Kemble, “that an exultant giggle ran round the table at her expense.” And the table was her own! To Ticknor she said “That she believed New England was originally colonized by convicts sent over[29] from the mother country. Mr. Ticknor replied that he was not aware of it, but said he knew that some of the Vassall family—ancestors of Lady Holland—had settled early in Massachusetts.” Finally, there is the almost incredible incident so vividly narrated by Macaulay. “Lady Holland is in a most extraordinary state. She came to Rogers’s, with Allen, in so bad a humour that we were all forced to rally and make common cause against her. There was not a person at table to whom she was not rude; and none of us were inclined to submit. Rogers sneered; Sydney made merciless sport of her; Tom Moore looked excessively impertinent; Bobus put her down with simple, straightforward rudeness; and I treated her with what I meant to be the coldest civility. Allen flew into a rage with us all, and especially with Sydney, whose guffaws, as the Scotch say, were indeed tremendous.”
Also, they paid her back in a way that, considering they were all gentlemen, seemed to imply they were really provoked. “My lady... asked me how I could write those vulgar verses about Hunt the other day,” Moore writes. “I asked her in return, why she assumed that if they were so vulgar, I was the one who wrote them.” Croker notes: “Lady Holland was saying yesterday to her gathered group, ‘Why can’t Lord Holland be Secretary for Foreign Affairs—why not, just like Lord Lansdowne for the Home Department?’ Little Lord John Russell is said to have replied, in his quiet way, ‘Well, they say, Ma’am, that you open all Lord Holland’s letters, and the Foreign Ministers might not like that.’” Rogers was talking about beautiful hair. “Why, Rogers, just a few years ago I had such a thick mane of hair that I could hide in it, and now I’ve lost it all.” Rogers simply said, “What a pity!” “But with such a look and tone,” Fanny Kemble says, “that an exultant giggle went around the table at her expense.” And the table was hers! To Ticknor, she said, “I believe New England was originally colonized by convicts sent over from the mother country.” Mr. Ticknor replied that he wasn’t aware of that but mentioned that some members of the Vassall family—ancestors of Lady Holland—had settled early in Massachusetts. Finally, there’s the almost unbelievable incident vividly described by Macaulay. “Lady Holland is in a really strange mood. She came to Rogers’s, with Allen, in such a bad mood that we all had to team up against her. There wasn’t a single person at the table she wasn’t rude to; and none of us were ready to put up with it. Rogers sneered; Sydney mercilessly mocked her; Tom Moore looked extremely cheeky; Bobus countered her with straightforward rudeness; and I dealt with her with what I intended as the coldest civility. Allen got furious with all of us, especially with Sydney, whose laughter, as the Scots would say, was indeed tremendous.”
One and all, they felt that the lady wished to domineer, to rule over everything and everybody, and they did not like it. “Now, Macaulay,” she would say, “we have had enough of this. Give us something else.” At a crowded table, when a late guest came: “Luttrell, make room.” “It must be made,” murmured Luttrell; “for it does not exist.” “The centurion did not keep his soldiers in better order than she kept her guests,” Macaulay writes. “It is to one, ‘Go,’ and he goeth; and to another, ‘Do this,’ and it is done.” Some one asked Lord Dudley why he did not go to Holland House. He said that he did not choose to be tyrannized over while he was eating his dinner.
Everyone felt that the lady wanted to dominate, to control everything and everyone, and they didn’t like it. “Now, Macaulay,” she would say, “we’ve had enough of this. Give us something else.” At a crowded table, when a late guest arrived: “Luttrell, make room.” “It has to be made,” muttered Luttrell; “because it doesn’t exist.” “The centurion didn’t keep his soldiers in better order than she kept her guests,” Macaulay wrote. “To one, it’s ‘Go,’ and he goes; to another, ‘Do this,’ and it’s done.” Someone asked Lord Dudley why he didn’t go to Holland House. He said he didn’t want to be bossed around while he was having dinner.
Her friends thought she wished to regulate their[30] lives, especially to regulate them in the way that suited her comfort and convenience. What could be more remarkable than the scene Macaulay describes, when she implored, ordered him to refuse his high appointment in India? “I had a most extraordinary scene with Lady Holland. If she had been as young and as handsome as she was thirty years ago, she would have turned my head. She was quite hysterical about my going; paid me such compliments as I cannot repeat; cried; raved; called me dear dear Macaulay. ‘You are sacrificed to your family. I see it all. You are too good to them. They are always making a tool of you; last session about the slaves; and now sending you to India.’ I always do my best to keep my temper with Lady Holland for three reasons: because she is a woman; because she is very unhappy in her health, and in the circumstances of her position; and because she has a real kindness for me. But at last she said something about you. This was too much, and I was beginning to answer her in a voice trembling with anger, when she broke out again: ‘I beg your pardon. Pray forgive me, dear Macaulay. I was very impertinent. I know you will forgive me. Nobody has such a temper as you. I said so to Allen only this morning. I am sure you will bear with my weakness. I shall never see you again’; and she cried, and I cooled; for it would have been to very little purpose to be angry with her. I hear that it is not to me alone that she runs on in this way. She storms at the ministry for letting me go.”
Her friends thought she wanted to control their[30] lives, especially in a way that suited her comfort and convenience. What could be more remarkable than the scene Macaulay describes when she begged him to turn down his high appointment in India? “I had an incredible encounter with Lady Holland. If she had been as young and attractive as she was thirty years ago, she would have captivated me. She was almost hysterical about my leaving; she lavished me with compliments I can't repeat; she cried, raged, and called me dear dear Macaulay. ‘You are sacrificing yourself for your family. I see it clearly. You’re too good to them. They always make a pawn of you; last session about the slaves; and now sending you to India.’ I always try to stay calm with Lady Holland for three reasons: because she’s a woman; because she’s very unhappy with her health and her situation; and because she genuinely cares for me. But finally, she said something about you. That was too much, and I was about to respond in a voice shaking with anger when she interrupted me again: ‘I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, dear Macaulay. I was very rude. I know you will forgive me. Nobody has a temper like you. I told Allen that just this morning. I’m sure you’ll tolerate my weakness. I’ll never see you again’; and she cried, and I calmed down; because it wouldn’t have made much sense to be mad at her. I hear that it’s not just me she goes on like this to. She’s angry at the ministry for letting me go.”
And she was supposed to tyrannize over her household as well as over her guests. The Allen referred to[31] above is a curious figure. Originally recommended to Lord Holland as a traveling physician, he entered the family and remained in it. He was an immense reader, a careful student, and supplied many a Holland House politician with the stuff of oratory. He had opinions of his own, was a violent enemy of all religion, and was gibingly known as “Lady Holland’s atheist.” He did not hesitate to contradict his patroness and some even assert that she was a little afraid of him. At any rate, he was deeply attached to her, remained with her after Lord Holland’s death, and suffered himself in practical matters to be ordered about like a domestic poodle. Moore records an interesting bit of mutual self-confession, when Allen, after years of intimate contact with the deepest thought and brightest wit in Europe, admitted that to keep up conversation during these evenings was “frequently a most heavy task and that if he had followed his own taste and wishes he would long since have given up that mode of life.” And Moore himself adds that the “Holland House sort of existence, though by far the best specimen of its kind going, would appear to me, for any continuance, the most wearisome of all forms of slavery.”
And she was expected to dominate her household as well as her guests. The Allen mentioned earlier[31] is an interesting character. Originally recommended to Lord Holland as a traveling physician, he became part of the family and stayed with them. He was an avid reader, a dedicated student, and provided many Holland House politicians with material for their speeches. He had his own opinions, was a fierce critic of all religion, and was jokingly known as “Lady Holland’s atheist.” He didn’t hesitate to contradict his patroness, and some even claimed that she was a bit afraid of him. Nevertheless, he was very attached to her, remained by her side after Lord Holland's death, and allowed himself to be treated like a household pet in practical matters. Moore records an interesting moment of mutual honesty when Allen, after years of being close to some of the greatest minds and wittiest people in Europe, admitted that keeping up conversation during those evenings was “often a really heavy task and that if he had followed his own preferences, he would have given up that lifestyle a long time ago.” Moore himself adds that the “Holland House way of life, while the best example of its kind, would seem to me the most tiring form of slavery if it were to continue for any length of time.”
Even Lord Holland himself appeared to his observant visitors to be subject to a domination at times somewhat irksome. “A little after twelve my lady retired and intimated that he ought to do so too,” writes Moore; “but he begged hard for ten minutes more.” Greville says that when some revivalists called on Lord Holland, Lady Holland was with great difficulty persuaded to allow him to go and receive them.[32] “At last she let him be wheeled in, but ordered Edgar and Harold, the two pages, to post themselves outside the door and rush in if they heard Lord Holland scream.” On the great occasion of Macaulay’s going to India, it is recorded that the good-natured husband was goaded into a disciplinary outburst: “Don’t talk such nonsense, my lady! What the devil! Can we tell a gentleman who has a claim upon us that he must lose his only chance for getting an independence in order that he may come and talk to you in an evening?”
Even Lord Holland himself seemed to his attentive visitors to be sometimes under a bit of pressure. “A little after twelve, my lady went to rest and hinted that he should do the same,” writes Moore; “but he pleaded for ten more minutes.” Greville notes that when some revivalists visited Lord Holland, Lady Holland was very reluctantly convinced to let him go and greet them.[32] “Eventually, she allowed him to be wheeled in, but instructed Edgar and Harold, the two pages, to stand outside the door and rush in if they heard Lord Holland scream.” During the significant event of Macaulay’s departure for India, it’s noted that the good-natured husband was pushed into a moment of sternness: “Don’t talk such nonsense, my lady! What the devil! Can we really tell a gentleman who relies on us that he has to miss his only chance for gaining independence just so he can come and chat with you in the evening?”
I repeat, it is a most curious thing to observe this mob of illustrious and kindly gentlemen handing down to posterity such unanimous abuse of a lady, who, whatever her defects, had done them infinite courtesies. And she is dead and cannot defend herself.
I’ll say it again, it’s really interesting to watch this group of notable and friendly gentlemen passing on such collective criticism of a woman who, despite her flaws, had shown them countless kindnesses. And now she’s gone and can’t stand up for herself.
She left a journal, however, which Lord Ilchester has lately edited. And few studies can be more delightful than to turn from the picture painted of her by her friends(?) to her intimate and faithful likeness of herself. The tart, even the boisterous, tongue is indeed not concealed, as when she told a political friend that “I regretted he had not lived in the Middle Ages and given his faith to orthodox points, as he would have made one of the firmest pillars of the church, instead of being a milk and water politician now.” But there are many other things besides tartness and boisterousness.
She left behind a journal that Lord Ilchester recently edited. Few things are as enjoyable as shifting from the portrayal created by her friends to her genuine and revealing self-portrait. The sharp, even loud, remarks certainly aren’t hidden, like when she told a political friend that “I wish you had lived in the Middle Ages and adhered to traditional beliefs, as you would have been one of the strongest supporters of the church, instead of being a wishy-washy politician today.” But there’s so much more to her than just her sharpness and loudness.
Unfortunately the Journal stops before the great days of Holland House began. What would we not give for the lady’s account of those conversations with Moore and Ticknor and Macaulay? What for portraits of them and of others such as she well knew how[33] to draw? For her pen was no mean one. It could bite and sting, could emphasize lights and shadows quite as strongly as some of those that etched the figures at her table and the scenes in her drawing-room. You may meet such a type as the following any day in Italy; but only an artist could so render it. “The old Marchesa was also delightful, not to the eye, for she was hideous, nor to the ear, for she squalled, nor to the nose, for she was an Italian; yet, from her unbounded desire of pleasing, the tout ensemble created more agreeable sensations than many more accomplished could have inspired.” Or match this with an English married couple: “The first thing she did was to live apart from him, and keep up a love correspondence with him; hence to the world they appeared enamoured of one another. She is a little mad, and parsimony is her chief turn. She is good-natured and a little clever. Trevor has no judgment and slender talents. His foibles are very harmless and his whole life has been insipidly good. His ridicules are a love of dress coats, volantes, and always speaking French. Au reste, he is very like other people, only better.” And, as will appear from these two, her portraits, though satirical, are not all unkindly, or at least she sweetens the bitterest of them with a touch of human charity.
Unfortunately, the Journal ends before the amazing days of Holland House began. What we wouldn't give for her take on those conversations with Moore, Ticknor, and Macaulay! What would it be worth to have her sketches of them and others she skillfully captured? Her writing was sharp and impactful. It could bite and sting, emphasizing highlights and shadows just as powerfully as some of those who etched the figures around her table and the scenes in her drawing-room. You could run into a character like the following any day in Italy, but only an artist could portray it so vividly. “The old Marchesa was also delightful, not in appearance, as she was hideous; nor in sound, as she squawked; nor in scent, as she was Italian. Yet, due to her overwhelming desire to please, the overall impression created more pleasant feelings than many who were more accomplished could inspire.” Or consider this English couple: “The first thing she did was to live apart from him and maintain a love correspondence with him; so to the world, they looked like they were in love. She is a little crazy, and her biggest trait is her stinginess. She is good-hearted and somewhat clever. Trevor has no judgment and minimal talent. His quirks are quite harmless and his entire life has been blandly good. His quirks include a fondness for dress coats, volantes, and constantly speaking French. Au reste, he is very much like others, just better.” And, as shown in these two examples, her portraits, while satirical, aren’t entirely unkind, or at least she tempers the harshest ones with a touch of human kindness.
Just a few sketches she has of the great men who afterwards became so widely identified with her, enough to increase our ardent desire for more. Thus the following of Wordsworth, interesting in every word for both painter and painted, if somewhat astounding: “Sent an invitation to Wordsworth, one of the Lake[34] poets, to come and dine, or visit us in the evening. He came. He is much superior to his writings, and his conversation is even beyond his abilities. I should almost fear he is disposed to apply his talents more towards making himself a vigorous conversationist in the style of our friend Sharp, than to improve his style of composition.... He holds some opinions on picturesque subjects with which I completely differ, especially as to the effects produced by white houses on the sides of the hills; to my taste they produce a cheerful effect. He, on the contrary, would brown, or even black-work them; he maintained his opinion with a considerable degree of ingenuity.” With which compare the snub administered by Henry Taylor, when she sneered at Wordsworth’s poetry: “Let me beg you to believe, Lady Holland, that this has not been the sort of thing to say about Wordsworth’s poetry for the last ten years.”
Just a few sketches she made of the great men who later became closely associated with her, fueling our strong desire for more. Thus, the following about Wordsworth, intriguing in every word for both the painter and the subject, if somewhat surprising: “I sent an invitation to Wordsworth, one of the Lake[34] poets, to come and have dinner or visit us in the evening. He came. He is far better than his writings, and his conversation surpasses his skills. I almost worry that he tends to focus more on becoming a lively conversationalist like our friend Sharp than on improving his writing style.... He has some views on picturesque matters that I completely disagree with, especially regarding the effects of white houses on the hillsides; I think they create a cheerful effect. He, on the other hand, would prefer to darken or even obscure them; he argued his point with quite a bit of cleverness.” In contrast, consider the rebuke from Henry Taylor when she criticized Wordsworth's poetry: “Let me encourage you to believe, Lady Holland, that this hasn’t been the kind of thing to say about Wordsworth’s poetry for the past ten years.”
But the Journal is far less interesting for its portraits of others than for that of the lady herself, who is seen there complete, and human, and not unlovely.
But the Journal is much less interesting for its portrayals of others than for the one of the lady herself, who is depicted there fully, as a real person, and not unattractive.
When she was young, she was beautiful. “I observed a portrait of Lady Holland, painted some thirty years ago,” says Macaulay. “I could have cried to see the change. She must have been a most beautiful woman.”
When she was young, she was beautiful. “I saw a portrait of Lady Holland, painted about thirty years ago,” says Macaulay. “I could have cried to see the difference. She must have been such a beautiful woman.”
A mere child, she was married to a man she detested, who perhaps deserved it. “At fifteen, through caprice and folly, I was thrown into the power of one who was a pompous coxcomb, with youth, beauty, and a good disposition, all to be so squandered!” I imagine that Sir Godfrey Webster was a rough English squire of the[35] Western type, fond of beef, beer, hunting, and rural politics, fond also of his wife, after his fashion, but believing that wives should bake, brew, and breed, and utterly intolerant of my lady’s freaks and fancies, of her social ambitions and her sentimental whims. To her he appeared a simple brute. When he “in a paroxysm threw the book I was reading at my head, after having first torn it out of my hands,” I can divine something of how he felt. So perhaps could she; but the incident gave her all the gratification of martyrdom.
A mere child, she was married to a man she loathed, who might have deserved it. “At fifteen, due to whim and naivety, I was thrown into the hands of someone who was a pompous fool, with youth, looks, and a good nature, all of which were wasted!” I picture Sir Godfrey Webster as a rough English squar of the[35] Western type, fond of beef, beer, hunting, and local politics, who also loved his wife in his own way, but believed that wives should cook, brew, and have children, completely intolerant of her quirks and dreams, her social ambitions, and her sentimental whims. To her, he seemed like a simple brute. When he “in a fit of rage threw the book I was reading at my head, after first tearing it out of my hands,” I can understand how he felt. She might have too; but the incident gave her all the satisfaction of being a martyr.
“Ah, me!” she writes, “what can please or cheer one who has no hope of happiness in life? Solitude and amusement from external objects is all I hope for; home is the abyss of misery!” Condemned to the exile of a country house, I am sorry to say that she revenged herself by devising cruel tricks against her husband’s aunt, who, however, was most apt at paying back. Later her despair drove her nearly to suicide. “Oftentimes in the gloom of midnight I feel a desire to curtail my grief, and but for an unaccountable shudder that creeps over me, ere this the deed of rashness would be executed. I shall leave nothing behind that I can regret. My children are yet too young to attach me to existence, and Heaven knows I have no close, no tender ties besides. Oh, pardon the audacity of the thought.”
“Ah, me!” she writes, “what can bring joy or comfort to someone with no hope of happiness in life? All I can wish for is solitude and entertainment from outside distractions; home feels like a bottomless pit of misery!” Stuck in the exile of a country house, I regret to say she took revenge by playing cruel tricks on her husband’s aunt, who was, however, very skilled at retaliating. Eventually, her despair nearly drove her to suicide. “Often in the dark of midnight, I feel the urge to end my suffering, and if it weren't for an inexplicable chill that creeps over me, I would have already acted on this impulse. I won't leave behind anything I would regret. My children are still too young to keep me tied to this life, and heaven knows I have no close, tender connections aside from them. Oh, forgive the boldness of my thoughts.”
Then Lord Holland appeared and her whole life was altered. With such an early career and with a temper so erratic one would hardly expect that an irregular connection, even though legalized as soon as possible by divorce and marriage, would turn out well. It did. When she first meets her lover, he is “quite delightful.”[36] A number of years later she recognizes that life with him has transformed her character. Every hour she continues “to wonder [sic] and admire the most wonderful union of benevolence, sense, and integrity in the character of the excellent being whose faith is pledged with mine. Either he has imparted some of his goodness to me, or the example of his excellence has drawn out the latent good I had—as certainly I am a better person and a more useful member of society than I was in my years of misery.”
Then Lord Holland showed up, and her whole life changed. With such an early career and a temper so unpredictable, one wouldn't expect that an unconventional relationship, even if it was quickly legalized by divorce and marriage, would work out. But it did. When she first meets her lover, he is “quite delightful.”[36] Years later, she realizes that being with him has changed her for the better. Every hour, she continues “to wonder [sic] and admire the most wonderful blend of kindness, intelligence, and integrity in the character of the amazing person whose faith is pledged to mine. Either he has passed on some of his goodness to me, or the example of his excellence has brought out the good that I already had—because I am definitely a better person and a more valuable member of society than I was during my years of suffering.”
Although she was still young and very beautiful, the ardent suit of other lovers makes no impression on her. She gets rid of them as best she can and consults her husband as to the most effective manner of doing so.
Although she was still young and very beautiful, the passionate advances of other suitors have no effect on her. She brushes them off as best she can and asks her husband for the best way to deal with them.
Formerly life was hateful and she longed to be rid of it. “In the bitterness of sorrow I prayed for death. Now I am a coward indeed; a spasm terrifies me, and every memento of the fragile tenure of my bliss strikes a panic through my frame. Oh! my beloved friend, how hast thou by becoming mine endeared the every day occurrences of life! I shrink from nothing but the dread of leaving or of losing thee.” In the lot of an acquaintance who has lost her husband she bewails the most terrible of future possibilities for herself. “How fortunate for her should she never awaken to her wretchedness, but die in the agonies of delirium. Oh! in mercy let such be my close if I am doomed to the—oh! I cannot with calmness suppose the case.”
Once, life felt unbearable, and she just wanted to escape it. “In my deepest sorrow, I wished for death. Now I feel like a coward; even a sudden jolt scares me, and every reminder of how fragile my happiness is sends panic through me. Oh, my dear friend, how your presence has made the everyday moments of life so dear! I fear nothing more than the thought of losing you.” In the situation of a friend who has lost her husband, she mourns the most dreadful future possibilities for herself. “How lucky she would be if she never faced her misery, but instead passed away in the throes of delirium. Oh! Please, let that be my end if I am destined for the—oh! I can’t even think about it calmly.”
It is in no cynical spirit, nor with any question of the genuineness of these feelings, but simply as a comment on the ways of this world, that I turn to a passage of[37] Greville, written three months after Lord Holland’s death: “I dined with Lady Holland yesterday. Everything there is exactly the same as it used to be, excepting only the person of Lord Holland, who seems to be pretty well forgotten. The same talk went merrily round, the laugh rang loudly and frequently, and, but for the black and the mob-cap of the lady, one might have fancied he had never lived or had died half a century ago.”
It’s not from a cynical viewpoint or a doubt about the authenticity of these feelings, but just as a reflection on how the world works, that I refer to a passage from[37] Greville, written three months after Lord Holland’s death: “I had dinner with Lady Holland yesterday. Everything there is exactly the same as it always was, except for Lord Holland, who seems to be pretty much forgotten. The same conversations flowed cheerfully, laughter was loud and frequent, and if it weren’t for the black and the mob-cap of the lady, you might have thought he never existed or had died half a century ago.”
There has been some question as to whether Lady Holland cared very much for her children by either marriage. Certainly at her death she left her son only two thousand pounds and a large income to a comparative stranger. Yet at the time of her separation from her first husband she sought passionately to retain her daughter, even resorting to the strange and characteristic device of pretending that the child was dead and burying a kid in a coffin in her place.
There has been some doubt about whether Lady Holland really cared for her children from either marriage. When she died, she left her son only two thousand pounds and a large income to someone who was practically a stranger. However, at the time of her separation from her first husband, she desperately tried to keep her daughter, even going so far as to use the unusual and telling tactic of pretending the child was dead and burying a kid in a coffin instead.
The Journal, too, is full of passages that come straight from the heart and absolutely prove a sincere, if somewhat erratic maternal affection. I hardly know a stranger mixture of passionate grief and curious self-analysis than the following passage, written on occasion of a child’s death. “There is a sensation in a mother’s breast at the loss of an infant that partakes of the feeling of instinct. It is a species of savage despair. Alas! to lose my pretty infant, just beginning to prattle his little innocent wishes, and imagination so busily aids my grief by tracing what he might have been. In those dreary nights whilst I sat watching his disturbed sleep, I knelt down and poured out to God a fervent prayer[38] for his recovery, and swore that if he were spared me the remainder of my life should be devoted to the exercise of religious duties; that I would believe in the mercy of a God who could listen to and alleviate my woe. Had he lived I should have been a pious enthusiast. I have no superstition in my nature, but from what I then felt it is obvious how the mind may be worked upon when weakened and perplexed by contending passions of fear, hope, and terror.”
The Journal is also filled with heartfelt passages that clearly show a genuine, if somewhat unpredictable, maternal love. I can’t think of a more strange mix of deep sadness and thoughtful self-reflection than in this passage, written after the death of a child. “A mother feels a unique sensation in her chest when she loses an infant, something instinctual. It’s a kind of raw despair. Oh! to lose my beautiful baby, who was just starting to express his little innocent wishes, and my imagination only deepens my grief by picturing what he could have become. During those long, dreary nights as I watched him sleep restlessly, I knelt and fervently prayed to God for his recovery, promising that if he was spared, I would dedicate the rest of my life to religious duties; that I would believe in the mercy of a God who could hear and ease my suffering. If he had lived, I would have been a devoted believer. I don’t have a superstitious nature, but from what I felt back then, it’s clear how the mind can be affected when it’s weakened and confused by conflicting feelings of fear, hope, and terror.”
It is admitted that Lady Holland was an able housekeeper, and Mr. Ellis Roberts even thinks that the success of her salon was largely owing to the excellence of her table. “It is true the parties were overcrowded, but ... men do not much care how they eat, if what they eat is to their liking.” It is admitted, also, that she was most generous, kind, and thoughtful for her servants. Yet the inveterate prejudice against her manifests itself even here. “In this,” says Greville, “probably selfish considerations principally moved her; it was essential to her comfort to be diligently and zealously served, and she secured by her conduct to them their devoted attachment. It used often to be said in joke that they were very much better off than her guests.” Nevertheless, perhaps there are worse tests of character than the devoted attachment of servants.
It’s acknowledged that Lady Holland was a skilled housekeeper, and Mr. Ellis Roberts even believes that the success of her salon was largely due to the quality of her meals. “It’s true that the gatherings were overcrowded, but... men don’t really mind how they eat, as long as the food is to their liking.” It’s also recognized that she was very generous, kind, and considerate toward her staff. Still, the deep-seated bias against her shows itself even in this case. “In this,” Greville says, “likely selfish motivations primarily drove her; it was important for her comfort to be served diligently and enthusiastically, and her behavior secured their loyal devotion. It was often joked that they were much better off than her guests.” Nevertheless, perhaps there are worse measures of character than the loyal devotion of servants.
On Lady Holland’s intellectual and spiritual life much curious light is thrown by her Journal, when taken in connection with the comments of her friends. Her wayward childhood, her early marriage, her utter lack of systematic education must not be forgotten. “I should be bien autre chose if I had been regularly taught.[39] I never had any method in my pursuits, and I was always too greedy to follow a thing with any suite. Till lately [age 26] I did not know the common principles of grammar, and still a boy of ten years old would outdo me.” Yet she was a wide, curious, and intelligent reader, and remembered what she read, as when she located one of Moore’s innumerable stories in an old volume of Fabliaux.
On Lady Holland’s intellectual and spiritual life, her Journal offers a lot of interesting insight, especially when considered alongside her friends' comments. We shouldn't overlook her rebellious childhood, her early marriage, and her complete lack of formal education. “I would be bien autre chose if I had received a proper education.[39] I never had any method in my pursuits, and I was always too eager to stick with anything for a long time. Until recently [age 26], I didn’t know the basic rules of grammar, and even a ten-year-old would do better than me.” Still, she was an enthusiastic, curious, and intelligent reader who retained what she read, like when she identified one of Moore’s countless stories in an old collection of Fabliaux.
She had her strong opinion on most general subjects. In art she was distinctly of the eighteenth century, as in her view of Wordsworth’s poetry, and her admiration for Guido and the Bolognese painters. “‘St. Peter weeping,’ by Guido, reckoned the first of his works and the most faultless picture in Italy.” Nature sometimes moved her deeply, however, as became a contemporary of Byron and Chateaubriand: “The weather was delicious, truly Italian, the night serene, with just enough air to waft the fragrance of the orange-flower, then in blossom. Through the leaves of the trees we caught glimpses of the trembling moonbeams on the glassy surface of the bay; all objects conspired to soothe my mind and the sensations I felt were those of ecstatic rapture. I was so happy that when I reached my bedroom, I dismissed my maid, and sat up the whole night looking from my window upon the sea.”
She had strong opinions on most topics. In art, she was distinctly influenced by the eighteenth century, reflected in her views on Wordsworth’s poetry and her admiration for Guido and the Bolognese painters. “‘St. Peter weeping,’ by Guido, is considered his first major work and the most flawless painting in Italy.” Nature sometimes moved her deeply, as was typical for someone living in the era of Byron and Chateaubriand: “The weather was beautiful, truly Italian, the night calm, with just enough air to carry the fragrance of the orange blossoms, which were in bloom. Through the leaves of the trees, we caught glimpses of the shimmering moonlight on the smooth surface of the bay; everything worked together to calm my mind, and I felt a sense of ecstatic joy. I was so happy that when I got to my bedroom, I dismissed my maid and spent the whole night looking out my window at the sea.”
In religion she was more than liberal, in fact, had no positive beliefs. “Oh, God! chance, nature, or whatever thou art,” is the best she can do in the way of a prayer, though she never encouraged sceptical talk at her table and sometimes snubbed Allen sharply for it. With irreligion went a strong touch of superstition, as[40] so often. “She would not set out on a journey of a Friday for any consideration; dreadfully afraid of thunder, etc.,” “was frightened out of her wits by hearing a dog howl. She was sure that this portended her death, or my lord’s.”
In terms of religion, she was more than open-minded; in fact, she didn’t hold any firm beliefs. “Oh, God! chance, nature, or whatever you are,” is the best she could come up with for a prayer, although she never permitted skeptical discussions at her table and occasionally reprimanded Allen sharply for it. Along with her disbelief, she had a strong streak of superstition, as[40] is often the case. “She wouldn’t start a journey on a Friday for any reason; she was terribly afraid of thunder, etc.,” and “was terrified by the sound of a dog howling. She was convinced this signified her death, or my lord’s.”
According to her critical guests she was pitifully afraid of death always. “She was in a terrible taking about the cholera,” writes Macaulay; “talked of nothing else; refused to eat any ice, because somebody said that ice was bad for the cholera.” And again, in regard to the same disease: “Lady Holland apparently considers the case so serious that she has taken her conscience out of Allen’s keeping and put it into the hands of Charles Grant.” At any rate, she was morbidly, almost ludicrously anxious about her health; and she herself records that in Spain she selfishly refused to let Allen leave her when she was very ill to attend another invalid friend who greatly needed him. Yet in view of many other passages in her Journal, I cannot think that she really lacked courage in the face of death or of anything else. With her it is never possible to tell what is serious and what is whim. Certain it is that her parting scene was dignified, if not even noble: “She evinced during her illness a very philosophical calmness and resolution, and perfect good-humor, aware that she was dying, and not afraid of death.”
According to her critical guests, she was always pitifully afraid of death. “She was really upset about the cholera,” writes Macaulay; “talked about nothing else; refused to eat ice because someone said it was bad for cholera.” And again, regarding the same disease: “Lady Holland apparently thinks the situation is so serious that she has taken her conscience out of Allen’s hands and put it into those of Charles Grant.” At any rate, she was morbidly, almost ridiculously anxious about her health; she even noted that in Spain, she selfishly refused to let Allen leave her when she was very ill to attend to another sick friend who really needed him. Yet considering many other entries in her Journal, I can’t believe she actually lacked courage in the face of death or anything else. With her, it’s never clear what’s serious and what’s just a whim. It’s certain that her final moments were dignified, if not even noble: “She showed a very philosophical calmness and determination during her illness, along with perfect good humor, aware that she was dying and not afraid of death.”
In her main interest, she was preëminently a social being. Greville says that she dreaded solitude above everything, that she “could not live alone for a single minute; she never was alone, and even in her moments of greatest grief it was not in solitude but in society[41] that she sought her consolation.” Her Journal is, I think, sufficient to prove that this is exaggerated. She read and loved to read, and no true lover of books hates solitude. Still she was social, loved men and women and their talk and laughter, loved the sparkle of wit, the snap of repartee, the long interchange of solid argument. Nor was she too particular in the choice of her associates. “There was no person of any position in the world, no matter how frivolous and foolish, whose acquaintance she was not eager to cultivate,” says Greville again. Here, too, her Journal supplies a needed correction, or at least sets things in a fairer and more agreeable light: “A long acquaintance is with me a passport to affection. This does not operate to exclusion of new acquaintances, as I seek them with avidity.” The “passport to affection” is generally recognized. She was loyal in her affections and in her admirations, though sometimes carrying them, like everything else, to the point of oddity, as in her strange worship of Napoleon.
In her primary interest, she was definitely a social person. Greville notes that she feared being alone more than anything else, that she “could not live alone for a single minute; she was never alone, and even in her times of deepest sorrow, it was not in solitude but in society[41] where she sought her comfort.” I believe her Journal shows that this is an exaggeration. She enjoyed reading and loved to read, and no true book lover hates solitude. Still, she was social, appreciated the company of men and women, their conversations and laughter, loved quick wit, the sharpness of repartee, and long exchanges of serious debate. She wasn't too choosy about who she associated with. “There was no person of any status in the world, no matter how trivial or foolish, whose friendship she wasn't eager to pursue,” Greville says again. Here, too, her Journal offers a necessary correction, or at least presents things in a clearer and more positive light: “A long acquaintance is for me a ticket to affection. This doesn’t exclude new acquaintances, as I actively seek them out.” The “ticket to affection” is widely acknowledged. She was loyal in her feelings and her admiration, though sometimes taking them, like everything else, to an unusual extent, as shown in her peculiar admiration for Napoleon.
That a person so fond of society should have shown so little tact in it is one of the curious features of her case. But some things throw an interesting light on her brusqueness, her downright rudeness. Here is one brief passage about a woman she met and liked. “If I were to see much of her she might perhaps be benefited, for as nobody can do more mischief to a woman than a woman, so perhaps might one reverse the maxim and say nobody can do more good. A little mild reproof and disapprobation of some of her doctrines might possibly rescue her from the gulf.” Does not that explain a host[42] of oddities, and pleasantly? Who of us likes to be rescued from the gulf by a little mild reproof?
That someone who enjoys being around others could be so tactless is one of the intriguing aspects of her situation. However, certain details shed light on her bluntness and apparent rudeness. Here’s a short quote about a woman she met and liked: “If I spent more time with her, I might be able to help her, because just as no one can do more harm to a woman than another woman, maybe it could also be said that no one can do more good. A bit of gentle criticism and disapproval of some of her views could possibly pull her back from the edge.” Doesn’t that clarify a lot of her quirks in a pleasant way? Who among us enjoys being pulled back from the edge by a bit of gentle criticism?
And the woman was nervous, sensitive, imaginative. Society irritates such people even when it fascinates them. Of one guest she writes: “His loud voice and disgusting vanity displeased me so much that I fled for refuge speedily into my own room.” Another bit of most delicate analysis shows how easily the social disillusionment of a sensitive organization might manifest itself in tactless ill-humor. “There is some perverse quality in the mind that seems to take an active pleasure in destroying the amusement it promises to itself. It never fails to baffle my expectations; so sure as I propose to my imagination an agreeable conversation with a person where past experience warrants the hope, so sure am I disappointed. I feel it perpetually, for example, with Dumont; with him I have passed very many cheerful hours. This knowledge tempts me to renew our walks, the consequence is we both yawn.” So clear, so sure is it, that in all human relations the true road to happiness and enjoyment is not to seek them directly for one’s self.
And the woman was anxious, sensitive, and imaginative. Society annoys people like her even when it draws them in. About one guest, she writes: “His loud voice and disgusting vanity bothered me so much that I quickly escaped to my own room.” Another bit of very subtle analysis shows how quickly the social disappointment of a sensitive person can show itself in awkward bad moods. “There’s some strange quality in the mind that seems to take pleasure in ruining the fun it promises itself. It never fails to surprise my expectations; as soon as I think of having a pleasant conversation with someone where past experiences give me hope, I am just as surely disappointed. I feel this constantly, for example, with Dumont; I’ve had many happy hours with him. This knowledge tempts me to go out for walks again, but the result is we both end up yawning.” It’s clear, it’s certain, that in all human relationships, the true path to happiness and enjoyment isn’t to chase them directly for ourselves.
The sense of power, of guiding and controlling others, was doubtless a large element of Lady Holland’s social instinct. “Her love and habit of domination were both unbounded,” writes Greville. To achieve this, to govern the sort of men that gathered about her, she knew that she must study their pursuits. Hence she devoted herself to the details of politics almost as sedulously as did Greville himself. The minuteness of her Spanish Journals, personally of little importance, in this respect, is[43] remarkable. Yet I know of few things more delightfully feminine than her brief comment on ministerial changes. Her friends go out of power, and she observes, “The loss of all interest in public affairs was the natural effect of the change of Administration to me.”
The feeling of power, of leading and controlling others, was definitely a big part of Lady Holland’s social instincts. “Her love for and habit of dominating were limitless,” writes Greville. To do this, to manage the type of men who gathered around her, she understood that she had to learn about their interests. So, she focused on the details of politics almost as intensely as Greville himself did. The thoroughness of her Spanish Journals, which are of little personal importance, is [43] noteworthy in this regard. Yet, I can hardly think of anything more charmingly feminine than her brief comment on changes in government. When her friends lost power, she noted, “The loss of all interest in public affairs was the natural effect of the change of Administration for me.”
It is, I hope, by this time evident, that, whatever her virtues or her defects, Lady Holland was an extraordinarily interesting character. I have quoted from her guests and friends much that was bitter. But a careful search brings out also testimony all the more favorable when we consider the extent of the abuse. Thus Greville admits that “though often capricious and impertinent, she was never out of temper, and bore with good-humor and calmness the indignant and resentful outbreaks which she sometimes provoked in others.” And while asserting that “She was always intensely selfish,” he adds in the next sentence that “To those who were ill and suffering, to whom she could show any personal kindness and attention, among her intimate friends, she never failed to do so.” Sydney Smith writes to her with a tenderness, an obviously genuine affection, which would prove fine qualities in any woman: “I am not always confident of your friendship for me at particular times; but I have great confidence in it from one end of the year to the other: above all, I am confident that I have a great affection for you.” “I have heard five hundred people assert that there is no such agreeable house in Europe as Holland House: why should you be the last person to be convinced of this and the first to make it true?” “I love the Hollands so much that I would go to them in any spot, however innocent,[44] sequestered and rural.” Finally, the most sympathetic, as well as one of the shrewdest judgments, comes from Sir Henry Holland, the physician, who had studied Lady Holland in all her aspects perhaps as carefully as any one. “In my long and intimate knowledge of Lady Holland, I never knew her to desert an old friend, whatever his condition might be. Many things seemingly wilful and incongruous in her might be explained through this happier quality of mind blended with that love of power, which, fostered by various circumstances, pervaded every part of her life.... Her manner of conversation at the dinner-table—sometimes arbitrary and in rude arrest of others, sometimes courteously inviting the subject—furnished a study in itself. Every guest felt her presence, and generally more or less succumbed to it. She was acute in distinguishing between real and false merit, and merciless in her treatment of the latter. Not a woman of wit in words, she had what might well be called consummate wit in all her relations to society. Once only, and that very late in life, she spoke to me of the labor she underwent in maintaining the position thus acquired.”
I hope it's clear by now that, regardless of her strengths or weaknesses, Lady Holland was an incredibly interesting person. I've shared some harsh comments from her guests and friends, but a thorough look also uncovers more positive feedback, especially when you consider the level of criticism she faced. Greville acknowledges that “even though she could be unpredictable and rude, she was never in a bad mood, and she handled with good humor and composure the angry and resentful reactions she sometimes triggered in others.” While he claims that “she was always very selfish,” he adds right after that “to those who were ill and needed her, she never failed to show them personal kindness and attention among her close friends.” Sydney Smith wrote to her with a warmth and genuine affection that would be admirable in any woman: “I’m not always sure of your friendship for me at certain times, but I have tremendous faith in it throughout the year: most importantly, I know I truly care about you.” “I have heard five hundred people say there’s no more pleasant house in Europe than Holland House: why should you be the last to believe this and the first to make it true?” “I love the Hollands so much that I would visit them anywhere, no matter how remote or peaceful,”[44] he remarked. Lastly, the most insightful and shrewdest opinion comes from Sir Henry Holland, the doctor who might have observed Lady Holland as closely as anyone. “In my long and close relationship with Lady Holland, I never saw her abandon an old friend, regardless of their situation. Many things that might seem willful or inconsistent in her character can be understood through this more positive trait of mind combined with her desire for power, which influenced every aspect of her life…. Her way of conversing at the dinner table—sometimes assertive and disrupting others, other times politely steering the discussion—was intriguing in its own right. Every guest felt her presence, and typically, they would yield to it in varying degrees. She was sharp in recognizing real versus false merit and had no mercy for the latter. While not a woman of clever words, she possessed what could easily be called exceptional social intelligence. Only once, very late in her life, did she mention to me the effort she put into maintaining the social standing she had achieved.”
May we not accept Greville’s dictum that she was a very strange woman, adding that, after all, she played her rôle of a great lady in not unseemly fashion? And perhaps it was with some justice that on her deathbed she spoke—most characteristically—of her life “with considerable satisfaction, asserting that she had done as much good and as little harm as she could during her existence.”
May we not agree with Greville’s saying that she was a very unusual woman, noting that, after all, she played her role as a great lady quite appropriately? And perhaps it was fair that on her deathbed she said—very typically of her—about her life “with considerable satisfaction, stating that she had done as much good and as little harm as she could during her life.”
CHRONOLOGY
- Jane Austen.
- Born December 16, 1775.
- Wrote “Pride and Prejudice,” 1796-1797.
- “Sense and Sensibility,” published 1811.
- “Pride and Prejudice,” published 1813.
- “Mansfield Park,” published 1814.
- “Emma,” published 1816.
- Died July 18, 1817.
- “Northanger Abbey” and “Persuasion,” published 1818.

Jane Austen
Jane Austen
III
MISS AUSTEN
Jane Austen lived her brief life in two or three quiet English towns. She had no adventures, no experiences, no great fortunes or misfortunes. She began to do her best writing when she was little more than a girl. She left a few immortal works, surpassed by no others in the painting of the human heart. What sort of woman was she herself? Not very remarkable to look at, it appears. Round, full cheeks—“for the most part, they are foolish that are so,” Cleopatra tells us—bright, hazel eyes, brown curls about her face. No doubt, in every point a lady. But her soul?
Jane Austen spent her short life in a couple of quiet English towns. She had no adventures, no dramatic experiences, and no huge fortunes or misfortunes. She started to produce her best writing when she was still quite young. She left behind a handful of timeless works, unmatched in their portrayal of the human heart. What kind of woman was she herself? She doesn't seem to have been particularly remarkable in appearance. She had round, full cheeks—“for the most part, they are foolish that are so,” as Cleopatra tells us—bright hazel eyes, and brown curls framing her face. No doubt, she was a lady in every way. But what about her soul?
At first sight, it seems that she laughed, mocked, at all things, very gently and decorously, but still mocked. “I dearly love a laugh,” says the heroine who surely most resembles her creatress. And again it is said of this same Elizabeth Bennett: “She had a lively, playful disposition which delighted in anything ridiculous.”
At first glance, it looks like she laughed at everything, in a gentle and proper way, but she was still poking fun. “I really love to laugh,” says the heroine who is probably the closest to her creator. And once more, it’s noted about Elizabeth Bennett: “She had a lively, playful personality that enjoyed anything silly.”
Those who love Miss Austen best will recognize, far beyond any testimony of quoted instances, this incessant, pervading spirit of gentle mockery which appears in all her books, courteous, infinitely well-bred, but sometimes very far from amiable.
Those who appreciate Miss Austen the most will see, more than any quoted examples, this constant, underlying spirit of gentle teasing that shows up in all her books, polite, endlessly refined, but sometimes quite unkind.
That she should mock at woman’s education was, perhaps, at the beginning of the nineteenth century, natural enough. But it would be hard to find any one[48] in any century who has mocked at it more cruelly. “Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.” Which was also the opinion of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, considered one of the most learned women of her time. Now we have changed all that.
That she should ridicule women's education was, perhaps, quite common at the start of the nineteenth century. But it's hard to find anyone[48] in any era who mocked it more harshly. “Wherever people want to connect, they should always remain ignorant. Coming with a well-informed mind means being unable to cater to others' vanity, which a sensible person would want to avoid. A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should hide it as much as possible.” This was also the belief of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, one of the most educated women of her time. Now we've changed all that.
But if you suppose that Miss Austen wishes to contrast with learning the sweets of domesticity, you are far astray indeed. I do not know whether she read La Rochefoucauld. She hardly needed to. In any case, she well supports his dictum that there are comfortable marriages, but no delicious ones. The motive of most she lashes with her whip of silken scorn. “His temper might perhaps be a little soured by finding, like many others of his sex, that through some unaccountable bias in favor of beauty, he was the husband of a very silly woman.” Though she had a sister whom she loved better than anything on earth, the kindest thing she could find to say of two most affectionate sisters was: “Among the merits and the happiness of Elinor and Marianne, let it not be ranked as the least considerable, that, though sisters, and living almost within sight of each other, they could live without disagreement between themselves, or producing coolness between their husbands.”
But if you think that Miss Austen wants to show how domestic life is sweeter than learning, you’re really mistaken. I’m not sure if she ever read La Rochefoucauld, but she didn’t really need to. In any case, she definitely supports his idea that there are comfortable marriages, but none that are truly delightful. She sharply criticizes most motivations with her silky scorn. “His temper might be a bit soured by realizing, like many men, that because of some unexplainable preference for beauty, he married a very silly woman.” Even though she had a sister she loved more than anything else, the nicest thing she could say about two very loving sisters was: “Among the good qualities and happiness of Elinor and Marianne, let it not be overlooked that, although they were sisters living almost in sight of each other, they managed to live without any disagreements or creating tensions between their husbands.”
Nor is she much more enthusiastic about the charms of society. Her heroines do, indeed, love an outing or a[49] ball; but much more stress is laid on untoward accidents that blight enjoyment than on its rapturous completeness. And this is life, as we all know. Only—As for the little distresses of social converse, who has ever depicted them more subtly? “To Elizabeth it appeared, that had her family made an agreement to expose themselves as much as they could during the evening, it would have been impossible for them to play their parts with more spirit, or finer success.”
Nor is she much more excited about the perks of social life. Her heroines do enjoy an outing or a[49] ball; but there's way more emphasis on the unfortunate events that ruin the fun than on the sheer joy of it. And this is life, as we all know. Only—when it comes to the little awkwardnesses of social interactions, who has ever captured them more delicately? “To Elizabeth, it seemed that if her family had tried to make fools of themselves as much as possible during the evening, they couldn’t have acted with more energy or greater success.”
No one probably will maintain that Miss Austen treats love very seriously. Its common youthful ardors, “what is so often described as arising on a first interview with its object, and even before two words have been exchanged,” she makes matter for derision or dismisses with indifference. Isabella utters a platitude on the subject. “This charming sentiment, recommended as much by sense as novelty, gave Catherine a most pleasing remembrance of all the heroines of her acquaintance.” With the author’s own serious heroines love is an emotion of such reverend profundity that the ladies themselves require years to discover it, and even then it has to be forced upon their notice.
No one would likely argue that Miss Austen takes love very seriously. The typical youthful passions, “what is often said to happen at a first meeting with its object, even before two words have been spoken,” she treats with mockery or simply brushes off. Isabella shares a cliché about it. “This delightful feeling, praised as much for its sense as its novelty, gave Catherine a lovely reminder of all the heroines she knew.” For the author's own serious heroines, love is such a deeply profound emotion that the women themselves need years to recognize it, and even then it has to be pointed out to them.
Religion and the deeper concerns of life generally, where they are mentioned at all, fare no better. They are touched with an irony of somewhat dubious effect on the profane, as at the end of Northanger Abbey, where those it may concern are left to wonder “Whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.” There is no doubt, however, that Miss Austen sincerely honored sacred things. She would have said with her own[50] Elizabeth, “I hope I never ridicule what is wise or good.” She appeared to think she would attain this end by keeping matters of the soul mainly out of her work. But she miscalculated a little. I do not know how one could more discredit religion than by exhibiting it in such representatives as Dr. Grant, Mr. Elton, and Mr. Collins: a glutton, a ninny, and an imbecile. If any reader holds that the prosy sermonizing of Edward Bertram helps the divine end of the matter, I disagree totally.
Religion and the deeper issues of life, when they come up at all, don’t fare any better. They’re touched with a somewhat questionable irony for the casual reader, like at the end of Northanger Abbey, where the relevant parties are left to wonder, “Whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.” However, there’s no doubt that Miss Austen sincerely respected sacred matters. She would have said, through her own[50] Elizabeth, “I hope I never ridicule what is wise or good.” She seemed to think she could achieve this by mostly leaving spiritual matters out of her work. But she underestimated the impact a bit. I’m not sure how one could tarnish religion more than by showcasing it through characters like Dr. Grant, Mr. Elton, and Mr. Collins: a glutton, a fool, and an idiot. If any reader believes Edward Bertram’s dull sermonizing contributes positively to the divine aspect of the matter, I completely disagree.
And as she mocked all things in human life, so she had a peculiar fancy for mocking the departure out of it. We know much mockable is there; but it seems odd matter for a young girl to deal with. “It was felt as such things must be felt. Everybody had a degree of gravity and sorrow; tenderness toward the departed, solicitude for the surviving friends; and, in a reasonable time, curiosity to know where she would be buried. Goldsmith tells us that when lovely woman stoops to folly, she has nothing to do but to die; and when she stoops to be disagreeable, it is equally to be recommended as a clearer of ill-fame.”
And as she mocked everything about human life, she also had a strange habit of mocking the way people leave it. There's plenty to make fun of in that, but it seems strange for a young girl to engage with it. “It was felt in the way such things usually are. Everyone felt a mix of seriousness and sadness; a sense of care for those who had passed, concern for the friends left behind; and eventually, a curiosity about where she would be buried. Goldsmith tells us that when a lovely woman makes a foolish choice, her only option is to die; and when she chooses to be unpleasant, it's similarly seen as a way to clear her bad reputation.”
Obviously Miss Austen’s mocking was not all sweet, sunny, natural gaiety. It had too much ill-nature in it. This shows, I think, in her fundamental conception of character. Read over her list of dramatis personæ and see how many are attractive or agreeable. It is not that she presents set types of evil or folly. Far from it. Her people are all human, vividly human, walking figures of flesh and blood humanity. But like all true human beings, they have good and evil both, and her[51] vision usually turns towards the evil, the mildly evil, the foolish and ridiculous. This perversion is slight, but constant, and its very slightness makes it more true—and more depressing. What doubles the hideousness of the hideous scene between Mr. and Mrs. Dashwood (“Sense and Sensibility,” chapter II) is its perfect humanity and the possibility that it might have been you and I.
Clearly, Miss Austen’s sarcasm wasn’t just light-hearted, cheerful fun. It had a hint of bitterness to it. I believe this reflects her core understanding of character. Go through her list of dramatis personæ and see how many of them are charming or likable. It’s not that she presents clear-cut types of evil or foolishness. Quite the opposite. Her characters are all very human, real-life figures made of flesh and blood. But like all true human beings, they embody both good and bad, and her vision often leans towards the negative, the mildly wicked, the foolish, and the absurd. This skew is subtle but persistent, and its very subtlety makes it feel more genuine—and more disheartening. What heightens the ugliness of the disturbing interaction between Mr. and Mrs. Dashwood (“Sense and Sensibility,” chapter II) is its complete realism and the fact that it could have been any of us.
She will brand a whole company with a touch: they “almost all labored under one or other of these disqualifications for being agreeable—want of sense, either natural or improved—want of elegance—want of spirits—or want of temper.” As any company might, to be sure—if you took it so. She will brand a whole sex. Mr. Palmer had “no traits at all unusual in his sex and time of life. He was nice in his eating, uncertain in his hours; fond of his child, though affecting to slight it; and idled away the morning at billiards, which ought to have been devoted to business.”
She will label an entire company with just one impression: they “almost all suffered from one or more of these shortcomings when it comes to being likable—lack of intelligence, whether natural or learned—lack of style—lack of enthusiasm—or lack of good temper.” Like any group might, of course—if you look at it that way. She will label an entire gender. Mr. Palmer had “no characteristics that were particularly unusual for his gender and age. He was particular about his food, unreliable with his schedule; he cared for his child, even though he pretended to ignore it; and he wasted his mornings playing billiards, time that should have been spent on work.”
Above all, she is severe upon women past middle life. Few indeed has she drawn that are even tolerable. Yet I have known some who were charming. With what infinite, subtle, loving art are Mrs. Jennings and Mrs. Norris made odious! And the best illustration of all for Miss Austen’s methods is Miss Bates. Her creatress starts with a heroic determination to be amiable for once. God has given this poor old specimen excellent qualities. For heaven’s sake, let us dwell upon them and leave the defects in shadow. “She was a happy woman, and a woman whom no one named without[52] good will. It was her own universal good will and contented temper which worked such wonders. She loved everybody, was interested in everybody’s happiness, quick-sighted to everybody’s merits.” Yet the turning of a page makes Miss Bates ridiculous, and the turning of more makes her almost as tedious to us as the author evidently found her. In the end she drives even Emma to open insult, which Emma speedily regrets, and would probably as speedily renew.
Above all, she is tough on women past middle age. Few have she created that are even tolerable. Yet I have known some who were delightful. With what infinite, subtle, loving skill does Mrs. Jennings and Mrs. Norris become unpleasant! And the best example of all for Miss Austen’s techniques is Miss Bates. Her creator starts with a heroic intention to be kind for once. God has given this poor old character some great qualities. For heaven’s sake, let’s focus on them and leave the flaws in the background. “She was a happy woman, and a woman whom no one mentioned without[52] good will. It was her own universal good will and cheerful nature that worked such wonders. She loved everybody, was interested in everyone’s happiness, and was quick to notice everybody’s strengths.” Yet turning a page makes Miss Bates comical, and turning more pages makes her almost as tiresome to us as the author clearly found her. In the end, she even pushes Emma to open insult, which Emma quickly regrets and would probably quickly repeat.
But, it will be urged, I am making the old mistake of interpreting an author from her writings, of transferring to her the sentiments of her characters, or, at any rate, her merely formal literary expression.
But, it will be argued, I am making the old mistake of interpreting an author based on her writings, projecting onto her the feelings of her characters, or, at the very least, her purely formal literary style.
Very well, let us turn to Miss Austen’s letters, and see what we find there. To begin with, they are charming letters, full of life, spirit, and vivacity, quite as charming as her novels. Her editors and biographers seem to feel it necessary to apologize for them. Why? It is true, they contain no reference to topics of the day. She might never have heard of Napoleon, or known that America was discovered. But, as letters, they are none the worse for that. Also, they are not formally literary, have no set pieces, or elaborate disquisitions. There is hardly a general thought in the whole of them. Who cares? They are literary as being the work of one of the most exquisite masters of expression. Indeed, an occasional odd glimpse of her constant literary preoccupation slips out. “Benjamin Portal is here. How charming that is! I do not know exactly why, but the phrase followed so naturally that I could not help putting it down.” And again: “Your letter is come. It[53] came, indeed, twelve lines ago, but I could not stop to acknowledge it before, and I am glad it did not arrive till I had completed my first sentence, because the sentence had been made ever since yesterday, and I think forms a very good beginning.” But, in general, they are merely the swiftest, lightest chronicle of little daily happenings, made eternal by a sense of fun as keen as Lamb’s. Is there in Lamb any bit of happier nonsense than the sketch of Mr. Haden? “You seem to be under a mistake as to Mr. H. You call him an apothecary. He is no apothecary; he has never been an apothecary; there is not an apothecary in this neighbourhood.... He is a Haden, nothing but a Haden, a sort of wonderful nondescript creature on two legs, something between a man and an angel, but without the least spice of an apothecary. He is, perhaps, the only person not an apothecary hereabouts. He has never sung to us. He will not sing without a pianoforte accompaniment.”
Very well, let’s check out Miss Austen’s letters and see what we find. To start, they are delightful letters, full of life, energy, and liveliness, just as charming as her novels. Her editors and biographers seem to feel the need to apologize for them. Why? It’s true they don’t touch on current events. She might never have heard of Napoleon, or known that America was discovered. But as letters, that doesn’t make them any less valuable. Also, they aren’t formally literary, lacking set pieces or detailed discussions. There’s hardly any general thoughts in them at all. Who cares? They are literary in that they come from one of the most skillful masters of expression. Indeed, every now and then, an unusual glimpse of her consistent literary focus slips through. “Benjamin Portal is here. How charming that is! I don’t know exactly why, but that phrase came to me so naturally that I had to write it down.” And again: “Your letter has arrived. It[53] arrived, in fact, twelve lines ago, but I couldn’t stop to acknowledge it before, and I’m glad it didn’t come until I’d finished my first sentence, because I had been crafting that sentence since yesterday, and I think it makes for a very good opening.” But generally, they are simply the fastest, lightest record of small daily occurrences, made timeless by a sense of humor as sharp as Lamb’s. Is there any happier nonsense in Lamb than the description of Mr. Haden? “You seem to be mistaken about Mr. H. You call him an apothecary. He is no apothecary; he has never been an apothecary; there isn’t an apothecary in this neighborhood…. He is a Haden, nothing but a Haden, a kind of wonderful, undefined creature on two legs, something between a man and an angel, but without a hint of being an apothecary. He is, perhaps, the only person not an apothecary around here. He has never sung for us. He won’t sing without a piano accompaniment.”
Yet, minute as they are, and natural as they are, Miss Austen’s letters tell us little about herself, that is, the inmost self that we wish to get at. Those we have were almost all written to her nearest and dearest sister, Cassandra. To Cassandra, if to any one, she must have opened her soul. But, if so, she did it by lip and not by letter. It is rare indeed that she goes so far as to say, “I am sick of myself and my bad pens.” To be sure, such concealment of personal feeling and emotion is a most significant trait of character. The gleam and glitter of those sparkling pages with all their implication and suggestion recalls the charming speech of Birnheim[54] to Fanny Lear, “Ce qui fait le charme de votre conversation, ce n’est pas seulement ce que vous dites; c’est encore et surtout ce que vous ne dites pas.” But when we try to get any definite picture of the writer, she eludes us like a kind of elfin spirit, in perpetual glimmering, mazy dance, refusing to stand still.
Yet, small as they are, and natural as they seem, Miss Austen’s letters reveal very little about her true self, that deeper part of her that we want to understand. Most of what we have was written to her closest sister, Cassandra. To Cassandra, if to anyone, she must have shared her true feelings. But, if she did, it was through conversation and not through her letters. It is indeed rare for her to say something like, “I’m tired of myself and my bad pens.” Certainly, this hiding of personal feelings and emotions is a significant aspect of her character. The sparkle and brilliance of those pages, with all their hints and suggestions, remind us of Birnheim's charming words to Fanny Lear, “What makes your conversation so charming is not just what you say; it’s also, and especially, what you don’t say.” However, when we try to form a clear image of the writer, she slips away from us like a kind of mystical spirit, constantly shimmering and dancing in circles, refusing to be pinned down.
At any rate, mockery is the prominent feature in the letters, as in the novels; and in letters as in novels, the mockery, though sometimes sunny and sweet, is too often unkindly and leaves a sting. Miss Austen herself once at least recognizes this. She describes a certain person as “the sort of woman who gives me the idea of being determined never to be well and who likes her spasms and nervousness, and the consequence they give her, better than anything else. This is an ill-natured statement to send all over the Baltic.” Doubtless, her modesty prevented her from thinking of the ill-natured statements she was to send for ages all over the world.
At any rate, mockery is a key feature in the letters, just like in the novels; and in both, the mockery, while sometimes cheerful and lighthearted, often tends to be unkind and leaves a sting. Miss Austen herself acknowledges this at least once. She describes a certain person as “the kind of woman who gives me the impression of being determined never to feel better and who prefers her spasms and anxiety, along with the consequences they bring her, to anything else. This is a mean-spirited comment to spread all over the Baltic.” Undoubtedly, her modesty kept her from realizing the mean-spirited remarks she would send out for years all over the world.
But let us see, again, with more minuteness how completely she spins this gauze web of satire over every phase of life. Is learning in question? “I think I may boast myself to be, with all possible vanity, the most unlearned and uninformed female who ever dared to be an authoress.” Or is she discussing family relations? “The possessor of one of the finest estates in England and of more worthless nephews and nieces than any other private man in the United Kingdom.” A prospective marriage is summarily disposed of. Mr. Blackall is “a piece of perfection—noisy perfection.... I could wish Miss Lewis to be of a silent turn and[55] rather ignorant, but naturally intelligent and wishing to learn, fond of cold veal pies, green tea in the afternoon, and a green window-blind at night.” Mrs. Austen is disturbed by receiving an unamiable letter from a relative. Miss Austen is not. “The discontentedness of it shocked and surprised her—but I see nothing in it out of nature.”
But let’s take a closer look at how completely she weaves this intricate web of satire over every aspect of life. Is learning the topic? “I think I can proudly say, with all possible vanity, that I am the most uneducated and uninformed woman who ever dared to be a writer.” Or is she talking about family dynamics? “The owner of one of the finest estates in England and more useless nephews and nieces than any other private person in the UK.” A potential marriage is quickly dismissed. Mr. Blackall is “a piece of perfection—loud perfection.... I would prefer Miss Lewis to be quiet and somewhat clueless but naturally smart and eager to learn, fond of cold veal pies, afternoon green tea, and a green window blind at night.” Mrs. Austen is upset about receiving a rude letter from a relative. Miss Austen is not. “The negativity of it shocked and surprised her—but I see nothing in it that’s out of the ordinary.”
As to society she resembles her heroines in liking balls, and, like her heroines, she finds many drawbacks in them. “Our ball was chiefly made up of Jervoises and Terrys, the former of whom were apt to be vulgar, the latter to be noisy.... I had a very pleasant evening, however, though you will probably find out that there was no particular reason for it; but I do not think it worth while to wait for enjoyment until there is some real opportunity for it.” On beauty she comments freely. “There were very few beauties, and such as there were were not very handsome. Miss Iremonger did not look well, and Mrs. Blount was the only one much admired. She appeared exactly as she did in September, with the same broad face, diamond bandeau, white shoes, pink husband, and fat neck.” As in this passage, she often refers to dress and too often unkindly. “Mrs. Powlett was at once expensively and nakedly dressed; we have had the satisfaction of estimating her lace and her muslins; and she said too little to afford us much other amusement.” In regard to one special company she seems to express naïvely her general attitude. “I cannot anyhow continue to find people agreeable.”
As for social life, she resembles her heroines in enjoying parties, but, like them, she sees many downsides. “Our party was mostly made up of the Jervoises and Terrys; the former tended to be a bit common, while the latter were quite loud.... I had a really nice evening, though you’ll probably discover that there wasn’t any specific reason for it; but I don’t think it’s worth waiting for enjoyment until there’s a genuine opportunity for it.” She openly shares her thoughts on beauty. “There were very few beautiful people, and those who were not particularly attractive. Miss Iremonger didn’t look great, and Mrs. Blount was the only one who got much attention. She looked exactly as she did in September, with the same wide face, diamond headband, white shoes, pink husband, and chunky neck.” As seen in this passage, she often comments on fashion, typically in a harsh way. “Mrs. Powlett was dressed both expensively and provocatively; we had the pleasure of assessing her lace and muslins, and she didn’t say enough to give us much other entertainment.” Regarding one specific group, she seems to openly express her overall attitude. “I really can’t keep finding people enjoyable.”
More intimate social relations and the sacred name[56] of friendship are treated at least as lightly. “The neighborhood have quite recovered the death of Mrs. Rider; so much so, that I think they are rather rejoiced at it now; her things were so very dear! And Mrs. Rogers is to be all that is desirable. Not even death itself can fix the friendships of the world.”
More personal social connections and the important idea of friendship are treated somewhat casually. “The neighborhood has pretty much moved on from Mrs. Rider's death; in fact, I think they're actually relieved about it now; her belongings were so expensive! And Mrs. Rogers is going to be everything we could want. Not even death can really end the friendships we have.”
And love? Persons who mock at nothing else mock at that. What should we expect, then, from the genius of mockery? Whether she rallied her young men to their faces, I do not know. Assuredly she rallied them behind their backs. One evening she expects an offer, but is determined to refuse, unless he promises to give away his white coat. The next she makes over to a friend all her love interest, even “the kiss which C. Powlett wanted to give me,” everything except Tom Lefroy, “for whom I don’t care sixpence.” And when, writing to her niece in later years, she sketches the man she might have loved, she ends by turning all into laughter. “There are such beings in the world, perhaps one in a thousand, as the creature you and I should think perfection, where grace and spirit are united to worth, where the manners are equal to the heart and understanding, but such a person may not come in your way, or, if he does, he may not be the eldest son of a man of fortune, the near relation of your particular friend and belonging to your own county.”
And love? People who make fun of everything else love to mock that too. So what can we expect from the art of mockery? I don't know if she teased her suitors to their faces, but she definitely did it behind their backs. One evening, she’s waiting for a proposal but is ready to turn it down unless he agrees to give up his white coat. The next day, she hands over all her romantic interests to a friend, even “the kiss that C. Powlett wanted to give me,” except for Tom Lefroy, “whom I don’t care about at all.” And when, years later, she writes to her niece describing the kind of man she could have loved, she finishes with a laugh. “There are rare people in the world, maybe one in a thousand, who are what you and I would consider perfect—where charm and spirit come together with worth, where manners match the heart and intellect, but that kind of person might not cross your path, or if they do, they might not be the eldest son of a wealthy man, a close relative of your good friend, and from your own county.”
Also, as in the novels, she is perpetually laughing at religion and virtue, that is, of course, at those elements in religion and virtue which are undeniably laughable. Morals and immorals she can treat lightly in individual cases. “The little flaw of having a mistress now living[57] with him at Ashdown Park seems to be the only unpleasing circumstance about him.” In their general phases she can jumble them happily with physical disorders. “What is become of all the shyness in the world? Moral as well as natural diseases disappear in the progress of time, and new ones take their place. Shyness and the sweating sickness have given way to confidence and paralytic complaints.” On death she is inexhaustible. One would think she found it the most humorous thing in life—as perhaps it is. With what amiable, kid-gloved atrocity does she bury Mrs. Holder. “Only think of Mrs. Holder’s being dead! Poor woman, she has done the only thing in the world she could possibly do to make one cease to abuse her.” Apparently, even this supreme effort of Mrs. Holder’s was not successful, in fact embalmed her in spiced abuse forever. Other interments are quite as sympathetic as hers.
Also, like in the novels, she constantly laughs at religion and virtue, specifically at the parts that are undeniably laughable. She can treat morals and immorals lightly in specific situations. “The small issue of having a mistress currently living[57] with him at Ashdown Park seems to be the only negative aspect about him.” In general, she happily mixes them up with physical ailments. “What happened to all the shyness in the world? Both moral and natural diseases fade away over time, replaced by new ones. Shyness and the sweating sickness have been replaced by confidence and paralysis.” She is tireless when it comes to discussing death. One might think she finds it the most amusing thing in life—perhaps it is. With what charming, gloved cruelty does she bury Mrs. Holder. “Just think about Mrs. Holder being dead! Poor woman, she's done the one thing in the world that could make someone stop criticizing her.” Apparently, even this ultimate act by Mrs. Holder wasn't successful, and in fact, it forever preserved her in sharp criticism. Other funerals are just as sympathetic as hers.
Most curious of all is Miss Austen on the death of a near relative, the trim decorum, the correct restraint, the evident fear of being either over-conventional or under-feeling. So in the first letter; but two days later she rebounds and trifles with her mourning. “One Miss Baker makes my gown and the other my bonnet, which is to be silk covered with crape.” Well could she say of herself, “I can lament in one sentence and laugh in the next.” Only she immensely mistook the proportion.
Most interesting of all is Miss Austen's reaction to the death of a close relative: her neat decorum, her proper restraint, and her clear fear of being too conventional or not feeling enough. This is evident in the first letter; but just two days later, she bounces back and playfully remarks on her mourning. “One Miss Baker makes my gown and the other makes my bonnet, which is going to be silk covered with crape.” It’s true what she said about herself, “I can lament in one sentence and laugh in the next.” Yet she severely misjudged the balance.
One bare strong phrase takes us right to the root of all the mocking and perversity. “Pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked.”
One blunt, powerful phrase gets to the core of all the sarcasm and twistedness. “Pictures of perfection, as you know, make me feel sick and immoral.”
It is in this spirit that she makes fun even of her own[58] art, novel writing, will not take it seriously, “the art of keeping lovers apart in five volumes,” will not take its professors seriously. She mocks at their machinery, their heroines, their landscape, their morals, and their language, “novel slang,” she calls it, “thorough novel slang, and so old that I daresay Adam met with it in the first novel he opened.” Whatever pains she may have taken with her own work, she does not mention them, unless ironically, when some one praises her. “I am looking about for a sentiment, an illustration, or a metaphor in every corner of the room.” If money and profit are suggested as possible objects, she laughs at them. Fame is all she is thinking of. “I write only for fame and without any view to pecuniary emolument.” But when it is a question of glory, she laughs at that, and toils instead for pounds and shillings. “Though I like praise as well as anybody, I like what Edward calls Pewter, too.” Yet at the getting of money, and at the keeping of it, and at the spending of it, and at the lack of it, still she laughs: “They will not come often, I dare say. They live in a handsome style and are rich, and she seemed to like to be rich, and we gave her to understand that we were far from being so; she will soon feel, therefore, that we are not worth her acquaintance.”
It’s in this spirit that she makes fun of her own[58] art, treating novel writing lightly, “the art of keeping lovers apart in five volumes,” and not taking its teachers seriously. She mocks their techniques, their heroines, their settings, their morals, and their language, calling it “novel slang,” “thorough novel slang, and so outdated that I bet Adam encountered it in the first novel he opened.” Whatever effort she may have put into her own work, she doesn’t mention it, unless ironically, when someone praises her. “I’m searching for a sentiment, an illustration, or a metaphor in every corner of the room.” If money and profit come up as possible goals, she laughs at them. Fame is all she cares about. “I write only for fame and have no interest in financial gain.” But when it comes to glory, she laughs at that too, and instead works for pounds and shillings. “Although I enjoy praise like anyone else, I like what Edward calls Pewter too.” Yet when it comes to making money, keeping it, spending it, and lacking it, she still laughs: “They probably won’t come around often. They live in style and are wealthy, and she seems to enjoy being rich, and we hinted that we weren’t wealthy; soon she’ll realize we’re not worth her time.”
One subject only is too sacred for mocking—the British navy. And even that seems sacred chiefly in connection with the Austens; for Sir Walter Elliot is allowed to say that all officers should be killed off after forty because of their weatherbeaten complexion. Miss Austen herself, however, appears to have been possessed, like Louisa Musgrove, with “a fine naval[59] fervour,” which blossoms in Captain Wentworth’s rapturous praise of his calling and fruits in the charming conclusion of “Persuasion”: “She gloried in being a sailor’s wife, but she must pay the tax of quick alarm for belonging to that profession which is, if possible, more distinguished in the domestic virtues than in its national importance.” A sentiment which would have delighted Sir Joseph Porter, K.C.B., though it would have obliged Nelson to turn away his face.
One topic is too sacred to make fun of—the British navy. And even that seems mostly sacred in relation to the Austens, because Sir Walter Elliot is allowed to say that all officers should be let go after forty due to their weathered looks. Miss Austen herself, however, appears to have shared, like Louisa Musgrove, a “strong naval fervor,” which shines through in Captain Wentworth’s enthusiastic praise of his profession and culminates in the lovely ending of “Persuasion”: “She took pride in being a sailor’s wife, but she had to deal with the anxiety that comes with being part of a profession that is, if possible, more distinguished in its domestic virtues than in its national significance.” A sentiment that would have pleased Sir Joseph Porter, K.C.B., although it would have made Nelson turn his head away.
So, are we to set down this demure, round-faced chit of a parson’s daughter as one of the universal mockers, der Geist der verneint in petticoats, a sister of Aristophanes and Heine? It sounds ridiculous? How she would have shrunk from Das Buch Le Grand and shuddered with horror at Schnabelwopski! Yet would she?
So, are we going to label this shy, round-faced girl, the parson’s daughter, as one of those universal mockers, the spirit of denial in a dress, a sister of Aristophanes and Heine? Sounds silly, right? Just imagine how she would have recoiled from Das Buch Le Grand and felt horrified at Schnabelwopski! But would she really?
But her cynicism is more nearly related to Fielding and Smollett and to the eighteenth century, that is, it does not flow from Heine’s universal dissolution of all things, but is founded on a secure basis of conventional belief. Minds of that eighteenth-century type were so confident of God that they felt entirely at liberty to abuse man; “whatever is is right” said the “one infallible Pope,” as Miss Austen styles him, therefore there could be no harm in calling it wrong.
But her cynicism is more closely linked to Fielding and Smollett and to the eighteenth century; it doesn’t come from Heine’s universal breakdown of everything, but is grounded in a firm foundation of conventional belief. People from that eighteenth-century mindset were so confident in God that they felt completely free to criticize humanity; “whatever is is right,” said the “one infallible Pope,” as Miss Austen refers to him, so there could be no harm in calling it wrong.
On the other hand, what separates Miss Austen from Fielding, what brings her close to Heine, and what almost, if not quite, makes up for all her mocking, is that you feel underneath the mocking an infinite fund of tenderness, a warm, loving, hoping, earnest heart. Rarely has a woman been more misjudged by another[60] woman than Miss Austen by Miss Brontë when she wrote,“Jane Austen was a complete and most sensible lady, but a very incomplete and insensible woman.” Oh, no, under that demure demeanor was hidden the germ of every emotion known to woman or to man. She knew them all, she felt them all, and she restrained them all, which means quite as much character—if perhaps not quite so much “temperament”—as the volcanic flare of Charlotte Brontë. The very difficulty of tracing these things under Miss Austen’s vigilant reserve adds to their significance when found and to the convincing force of their reality.
On the other hand, what sets Miss Austen apart from Fielding, what brings her closer to Heine, and what nearly compensates for all her mockery, is that beneath the sarcasm, there’s an endless well of tenderness, a warm, loving, hopeful, earnest heart. Rarely has a woman been so misjudged by another woman than Miss Austen was by Miss Brontë when she wrote, “Jane Austen was a complete and most sensible lady, but a very incomplete and insensible woman.” Oh no, beneath that modest exterior was the seed of every emotion known to both women and men. She understood them all, felt them all, and kept them all in check, which means she had just as much character—if perhaps not quite as much “temperament”—as the passionate intensity of Charlotte Brontë. The very challenge of uncovering these emotions beneath Miss Austen’s careful reserve adds to their significance when discovered and to the powerful reality they convey.
First, as to emotion in general. The testimony of the novels is often disputed. It is disputable when it refers to particular experiences and must be used with care. But many little touches would have been absolutely impossible, if the writer had not first felt them herself. Thus, she says: “It is the misfortune of poetry to be seldom safely enjoyed by those who enjoy it completely, and the strong feelings which alone can estimate it truly are the very feelings which ought to taste it but sparingly.” Or again, with brief and rapid analysis, “She read with an eagerness which hardly left her the power of comprehension; and from impatience of knowing what the next sentence might bring, was incapable of attending to the sense of the one before her eyes.” Do you suppose the writer of that had never torn the heart out of a letter as madly as Jane Eyre? And was there not plenty of emotion in the woman who described the moment of release from a disagreeable partner as “ecstasy,” and who fainted dead away when[61] told suddenly that she was to leave her old home and seek a new one?
First, regarding emotion in general. The insights from novels are often debated. Their validity is questionable when it comes to specific experiences and should be approached cautiously. However, many subtle details would have been completely impossible if the writer hadn’t first experienced them herself. For instance, she states: “It’s the unfortunate reality of poetry that it’s rarely enjoyed safely by those who fully appreciate it, and the intense emotions that can truly value it are exactly the emotions that should savor it only in moderation.” Or again, with a quick and sharp observation, “She read with a fervor that barely allowed her to comprehend; and out of impatience to know what the next sentence might reveal, she couldn’t focus on the meaning of the one right in front of her.” Do you think the person who wrote that had never felt as intensely about a letter as Jane Eyre did? And wasn’t there a lot of emotion in the woman who described the moment of liberation from an unpleasant partner as “ecstasy,” and who fainted when she suddenly learned she had to leave her old home to find a new one?
Or in another line, how all the mockery of her own writing withers before one short sentence which shows the real author, like all other authors: “I should like to know what her estimate is, but am always half afraid of finding a clever novel too clever, and of finding my own story and my own people all forestalled.”
Or in another way, how all the ridicule of her own writing fades away before one simple sentence that reveals the true author, just like all other authors: “I would like to know what she thinks, but I'm always a bit scared of finding a smart novel too smart, and of discovering that my own story and my own characters have all been anticipated.”
Then as to love. Here the problem is more obscure. Some critics have endeavored to deduce Miss Austen’s feelings from that of her heroines. Others have entirely denied the legitimacy of such deduction. No doubt, observation and divination may do much, but it seems to me that the subtle details introduced in many a critical moment must be based on experiences closely akin to those described. No man can ever understand Miss Austen’s taste in heroes, and her creations in this line are the worst of her mockeries, all the more so because unintentional. But if she was blind to the faults of the type, she may have been equally blind to them in some real Edward or Knightley. We all are. I should even like to believe, with her adoring relative, that that shadowy lover who died unnamed to posterity blighted her literary effort and accounted for the singular gap between her earlier and later work. “That her grief should have silenced her is, I think, quite consistent with the reserve of her character,” writes the said relative. I agree as to the possibility, but somewhat question the fact.
Then, as for love, the issue is more complicated. Some critics have tried to figure out Miss Austen’s feelings based on those of her heroines. Others completely reject the validity of such reasoning. While observation and intuition can reveal much, I believe the intricate details she introduces in many crucial moments must come from experiences closely related to those depicted. No one can fully grasp Miss Austen’s preference for heroes, and her creations in that regard are some of her sharpest jabs, particularly because they are unintentional. Yet, if she was oblivious to the flaws of that type, she might have also been unaware of them in some real Edward or Knightley. We all are. I’d even like to think, like her devoted relative, that the mysterious lover who remains unnamed in history stifled her literary output and explains the unusual gap between her earlier and later works. “That her grief should have silenced her is, I think, quite consistent with the reserve of her character,” writes this relative. I agree that it’s possible, but I question the reality of it.
With the more common domestic and social feelings we are on surer ground. There is a universal concordance[62] of testimony as to Miss Austen’s sweetness in such relations, her tenderness, her charm. Guarded as her letters are, these qualities appear, in all the laughter, in all the mockery. She watches over her mother, she longs for every detail about her brothers, she cries for joy at their promotion, she exchanges with her sister a thousand little intimacies, all the more sincere for their daily triviality. It is said that the family were always amiable in their daily intercourse, never argued or spoke harshly, and I can believe it. It is said that Cassandra always controlled her temper, but that Jane had no temper to control, and the latter statement I do not believe, but do believe that appearances justified it. It is said that she loved children, and many passages in her letters prove this. See in the following the deep and evident tenderness turning into her eternal mockery. “My dear itty Dordy’s remembrance of me is very pleasing to me—foolishly pleasing, because I know it will be over so soon. My attachment to him will be more durable. I shall think with tenderness and delight on his beautiful and smiling countenance and interesting manner until a few years have turned him into an ungovernable ungracious fellow.”
With the more common domestic and social feelings, we're on more solid ground. There's a universal agreement about Miss Austen’s sweetness in these relationships, her tenderness, her charm. Even though her letters are carefully written, these qualities shine through in all the laughter and all the teasing. She takes care of her mother, she craves every detail about her brothers, she rejoices at their success, and she shares countless little intimate moments with her sister, all the more genuine for their everyday nature. It's said that the family was always friendly in their daily interactions, never argued or spoke harshly, and I can believe that. It's said that Cassandra always kept her temper in check, but that Jane didn't really have a temper to manage, and while I don't fully buy that, I do think their appearances supported it. It's said that she loved children, and many passages in her letters show this. In the following, you can see the deep and clear tenderness shifting into her everlasting teasing. “My dear little Dordy’s remembrance of me is very pleasing to me—foolishly pleasing, because I know it will be over so soon. My attachment to him will last longer. I will think of his beautiful and smiling face and interesting manner with tenderness and delight until a few years have turned him into a wild and rude fellow.”
That she enjoyed playing the rôle of maiden aunt I see no reason to imagine. But she accepted it with sweet kindliness, and as years went on, she seems to have grown even more self-forgetful and thoughtful of those about her. I have spoken of Heine. What could be lovelier than his efforts to spare his old mother every detail of his last torturing illness, writing her the gayest of letters from his pillow of agony? Everything with[63] Miss Austen is on a slighter scale; but how sweet is the story of the sofa. Sofas were scarce in those days. The Austen rooms contained but one, and Jane, dying, propped herself on two chairs, and left the sofa to her invalid mother, declaring that the chairs were preferable.
That she enjoyed playing the role of the maiden aunt is something I can't question. But she embraced it with sweet kindness, and as the years passed, she seemed to have become even more selfless and considerate of those around her. I've mentioned Heine. What could be more beautiful than his attempts to shield his elderly mother from every detail of his painful last illness, writing her the most cheerful letters from his agony-filled pillow? Everything with[63] Miss Austen is on a smaller scale; but how lovely is the story of the sofa. Sofas were rare back then. The Austen household had just one, and Jane, while dying, propped herself up on two chairs and allowed her sick mother to use the sofa, saying that the chairs were better.
And if she loved others, they loved her. Her brother makes the truly astonishing statement that in regard to her neighbors “even on their vices did she never trust herself to comment with unkindness.... She always sought in the faults of others something to excuse, to forgive or forget.” And he adds, “No one could be often in her company without feeling a strong desire of obtaining her friendship and cherishing a hope of having obtained it.” The profound affection of her sister Cassandra needs no further evidence than the pathetic letters written by her after Jane’s death, and the feeling of the other members of the family seems to have been hardly less deep. Especially was her society cherished by children and young people. “Her first charm to children was great sweetness of manner,” writes her niece, “she seemed to love you, and you loved her in return.” Again, “Soon came the delight of her playful talk. She could make everything amusing to a child.” And later, when years had somewhat diminished the difference of age, “It had become a habit with me to put by things in my mind with reference to her, and to say to myself, I shall keep that for aunt Jane.”
And if she loved others, they loved her back. Her brother makes the truly remarkable comment that regarding her neighbors, “even with their faults, she never allowed herself to speak unkindly about them... She always looked for something to excuse, forgive, or forget in the mistakes of others.” He adds, “No one could spend much time with her without feeling a strong desire to win her friendship and hoping to have achieved it.” The deep affection of her sister Cassandra is evident in the heartbreaking letters she wrote after Jane’s death, and the feelings of the rest of the family seem to have been just as strong. Her company was especially valued by children and young people. “Her main charm to kids was her great sweetness,” writes her niece, “she seemed to genuinely care about you, and you loved her back.” She continues, “Soon came the joy of her playful conversations. She could make everything fun for a child.” Later, as the years lessened the age difference, “It became a habit for me to save up thoughts in my mind for her, telling myself, I’ll keep that for Aunt Jane.”
Altogether, whatever may have been her instincts of intellectual cynicism, she was past question a woman exquisitely lovable and one who craved and appreciated[64] love, even when she made least show of doing so. How pathetic is the tenderness of her last letter! “As to what I owe her, and the anxious affection of all my beloved family on this occasion, I can only cry over it, and pray God to bless them more and more.” And again: “If ever you are ill, may you be as tenderly nursed as I have been. May the same blessed alleviations of anxious friends be yours; and may you possess, as I dare say you will, the greatest blessing of all, in the consciousness of not being unworthy of their love. I could not feel this.” Surely those with such a longing and with such a sense of unworthiness are not the least worthy of love in this harsh, self-absorbed, and loveless world.
All in all, no matter what her instincts of intellectual cynicism might have been, she was definitely a woman who was incredibly lovable and who yearned for and valued love, even when she showed it the least. How sad is the tenderness in her last letter! “Regarding what I owe her, and the worried affection of all my dear family on this occasion, I can only cry about it and pray that God blesses them more and more.” And again: “If you ever get sick, may you be cared for as tenderly as I have been. May the same comforting support from concerned friends be yours; and may you have, as I’m sure you will, the greatest blessing of all—knowing you are deserving of their love. I couldn’t feel this.” Surely, those who have such a deep longing and such a feeling of unworthiness are among the most deserving of love in this cold, self-centered, and loveless world.
Nevertheless, what remains most characteristic of Miss Austen is her singular and inexhaustible delight in the observation of humanity. No one illustrates better than she the odd paradox that it is possible to love mankind as a whole, or, at any rate, to take the greatest interest in them, while finding most individual specimens unattractive and even contemptible. I think she would have understood perfectly that wonderful passage in a letter of another novelist not unlike her, Mrs. Craigie: “I live in a world and among beings of my own creation, and when I hear of tangible mortals, what they do, what they say, and what they think, I feel a stranger and a pilgrim; life frightens me; humanity terrifies me; perhaps that is why it is real suffering for me to be in a room with more than one other. I believe I am a lover of souls, but people scare me out of my wits: it is not that I am nervous. I have[65] only a sensation of being, as it were, in ‘the wrong Paradise.’ I am not at home: I talk about things I do not believe in to people who do not believe me: I become constrained, artificial.”
Nevertheless, what stands out most about Miss Austen is her unique and endless joy in observing humanity. No one captures better than she the strange contradiction that it’s possible to love humanity as a whole, or at least take a deep interest in it, while finding many individual people unappealing and even deserving of disdain. I believe she would have connected really well with that amazing line from a letter by another novelist not unlike her, Mrs. Craigie: “I live in a world and among beings of my own creation, and when I hear about real people—what they do, what they say, and what they think—I feel like a stranger and a traveler; life scares me; humanity terrifies me; maybe that's why it's truly painful for me to be in a room with more than one other person. I think I’m a lover of souls, but people make me lose my mind: it’s not that I’m anxious. I just have this feeling of being, in a way, in ‘the wrong Paradise.’ I don’t feel at home: I talk about things I don’t believe in to people who don’t believe me: I become awkward, unnatural.”
“I am a great wonderer,” says one of Miss Austen’s characters. I think she was a great wonderer herself.
“I am a great wonderer,” says one of Miss Austen’s characters. I think she was a great wonderer herself.
How fertile this interest in human nature was, what endless and richly varied entertainment it afforded, is made manifest in many passages throughout both novels and letters. “I did not know before,” says Bingley to Elizabeth, “that you were a studier of character. It must be an amusing study.” Elizabeth’s creatress found it so. When she visits picture galleries, she confesses that she cannot look at the pictures for the men and women. In trying social situations the watchful critical instinct remains imperturbable and revels in the unguarded display of emotions commonly concealed. “Anything like a breach of punctuality was a great offense, and Mr. Moore was very angry, which I was rather glad of. I wanted to see him angry.” Even in the most solemn crises the habit of curious observation cannot be wholly extinguished. Writing to her sister, with deep and genuine sympathy, on occasion of a sister-in-law’s death, she interjects this query, which strikes you like a flat slap on an unexpectant cheek. “I suppose you see the corpse? How does it appear?” Finally, like all profound, minute observers of character, she realizes how far from perfect her knowledge is, that she cannot predict, cannot foresee. “Nobody ever feels or acts, suffers or enjoys, as one expects.”
How rich this interest in human nature was, and how much endless and varied entertainment it provided, is clear in many parts of both novels and letters. “I didn’t know before,” says Bingley to Elizabeth, “that you studied character. It must be an interesting study.” Elizabeth’s creator thought so too. When she visits art galleries, she admits that she can’t focus on the artworks for the people. In social situations, her keen, critical instinct remains calm and delights in the unguarded display of emotions that are usually hidden. “Being late was a huge deal, and Mr. Moore was very angry, which I was kind of glad about. I wanted to see him angry.” Even in the most serious moments, her habit of keen observation cannot be completely suppressed. Writing to her sister with deep and genuine sympathy about a sister-in-law’s death, she throws in this question, which hits you like a surprising slap: “I assume you see the body? How does it look?” Finally, like all keen observers of character, she realizes how far from perfect her understanding is; she cannot predict or foresee. “Nobody ever feels or acts, suffers or enjoys, as you expect.”
Miss Austen alone would be sufficient to disprove the contention that age and wide knowledge of the world are necessary for the understanding of the human heart. She had neither of these qualifications. Yet, though she may have missed many superficial varieties of experience, who knew better the essential motives that animate us all? She lived in a quiet neighborhood and saw comparatively few specimens; but those were enough. As she says, through Elizabeth, “people alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them forever.”
Miss Austen alone is enough to challenge the idea that age and extensive knowledge of the world are necessary for understanding the human heart. She had neither of those qualifications. Yet, even though she might have missed out on many surface-level experiences, who understood better the essential motives that drive us all? She lived in a quiet neighborhood and encountered relatively few examples of people; but that was sufficient. As she says through Elizabeth, “people change so much that there is always something new to notice in them.”
Thus she herself enjoyed and pointed out to others the simplest, the most available, the most inexhaustible of all earthly distractions. Only, I could wish she might have seen mankind a little more constantly by the amiable side. As Lamb well observed, the great majority of Shakespeare’s characters are lovable. How few of Miss Austen’s are! Yet it may be that at twenty-one she knew better than Shakespeare.
Thus she enjoyed and highlighted for others the simplest, most accessible, and most endless of all earthly distractions. I just wish she could have seen humanity a bit more often from the kind side. As Lamb aptly noted, the vast majority of Shakespeare’s characters are endearing. How few of Miss Austen’s are! Yet perhaps at twenty-one, she understood better than Shakespeare.
CHRONOLOGY
- Frances Burney.
- Born June 13, 1752.
- “Evelina,” published January, 1778.
- “Cecilia,” published July, 1782.
- At Court 1786-1791.
- Married General D’Arblay July 31, 1793.
- “Camilla,” published 1796.
- “The Wanderer,” published 1814.
- Died January 6, 1840.

Madame D’Arblay
Madam D'Arblay
IV
MADAME D’ARBLAY
Frances Burney (Madame D’Arblay) wrote a diary or diary-like letters almost from the cradle to the grave. For reasons which will appear later we do not know so much about her intimate self as might be expected from such minuteness of record; but her external life, the places she dwelt in, the people she saw, the things she did, are brought before us with a full detail which is rare in the biography of women and even of men.
Frances Burney (Madame D’Arblay) kept a diary or diary-like letters from an early age until her death. For reasons that will be explained later, we don't know as much about her inner self as we might expect given the thoroughness of her records; however, her external life—the places she lived, the people she interacted with, and the activities she engaged in—are presented to us in a level of detail that is uncommon in biographies of women and even men.
She was by no means a Bohemian in soul. Yet her career has something of the nomadic, kaleidoscopic character which we are apt to call Bohemian. She met all sorts of people and portrayed all sorts, from the top of society to the bottom. And through this infinite diversity of spiritual contact she carried an eager eye, an untiring pen, and a singularly amiable heart.
She wasn't a true free spirit at heart. Still, her career had a sort of wandering, colorful quality that we often label as Bohemian. She met all kinds of people and represented everyone, from the elite to those struggling. And through this endless variety of experiences, she maintained a keen eye, an endless drive to write, and a uniquely warm heart.
Her father, Dr. Charles Burney, the musician and historian of music, had an excellent stock of what is nowadays called temperament. He was witty, gay, and charming. Everybody went to his house and he to everybody’s. Thus Fanny in her youth (she was born in 1752) had the opportunity of seeing many of the distinguished men and women of eighteenth-century London: Johnson and Goldsmith, Sir Joshua Reynolds, Händel, Garrick and Sheridan, Bruce the traveler,[70] actors, singers, beaux, divines, ladies with blue stockings, and with stockings of other colors. It was a gay and variegated world for a quick-eyed girl to make merry in. She made merry in it, she studied it, and as a certain literary gift was born in her, she profited.
Her father, Dr. Charles Burney, the musician and music historian, had a great deal of what we now call personality. He was witty, cheerful, and charming. Everyone visited his home, and he visited everyone else's. Because of this, Fanny in her youth (she was born in 1752) had the chance to meet many of the notable figures of eighteenth-century London: Johnson and Goldsmith, Sir Joshua Reynolds, Händel, Garrick, and Sheridan, Bruce the traveler, actors, singers, fashionable gentlemen, religious leaders, ladies in blue stockings, and ladies in stockings of other colors. It was a lively and colorful world for an observant girl to enjoy. She thrived in it, studied it, and as a certain literary talent emerged in her, she took advantage of it.
Then, when she was twenty-five, she wrote and published anonymously an epistolary novel called “Evelina.” Even to-day, though its charm is of a peculiarly perishable order, the book may be read with pleasure and some laughter. But its freshness, its ease, and its rollicking spirits must have commended it highly to an age whose own speech and manners were reflected in it. Fanny had first the delicious satisfaction of hearing genuine praise from those who had no idea of her authorship. And when the authorship was confessed—as who, under such circumstances would have concealed it?—the praise became universal, more high-pitched still, and perhaps no less delicious. The book was read everywhere, commended everywhere. Fanny’s father, whom she adored, was bewitched with it. No less so was that odd personage Samuel Crisp, almost equally adored, who, like some others, having made a notable failure in literature himself, felt especially qualified to advise those who had succeeded.
Then, when she was twenty-five, she wrote and published an epistolary novel called “Evelina” anonymously. Even today, although its charm is somewhat fleeting, the book can still be enjoyed with pleasure and a few laughs. Its freshness, ease, and lively spirit must have made it appealing to an era that mirrored its own speech and manners. Fanny initially experienced the delightful satisfaction of receiving genuine praise from those who had no idea she was the author. And when her authorship was revealed—who would hide it in such circumstances?—the praise became even more widespread and enthusiastic, perhaps even more satisfying. The book was read everywhere and praised everywhere. Fanny's father, whom she adored, was completely enchanted by it. So was that quirky individual Samuel Crisp, who was nearly as adored and, like some others, having experienced a notable failure in literature himself, felt especially qualified to offer advice to those who had succeeded.
In the houses where Fanny had before been a minor personage, a petted child, watching great doings and bewigged celebrities with wide-eyed curiosity from quiet corners, she now appeared as a celebrity herself, not bewigged, but with the wigs bowing down to her. Titles of honor begged for an introduction and titles of learning. She was pointed out in the streets and in the[71] theatres. Her characters were cited, her wit quoted, her sentiments applied by daily personages to daily life. London was all the English world then and a book read by ten thousand people in London had a sort of personal success which no book could have anywhere to-day.
In the homes where Fanny had once been a minor figure, a pampered child observing grand events and well-dressed celebrities with wide-eyed curiosity from quiet corners, she now stood out as a celebrity herself, not in extravagant wigs but with wigs paying homage to her. Honors were eager for an introduction, and academic titles followed suit. She was recognized on the streets and in the [71] theaters. Her characters were referenced, her humor quoted, and her ideas used by influential people in everyday life. Back then, London was essentially the whole English-speaking world, and a book read by ten thousand people in London had a kind of personal success that no book could achieve anywhere today.
Best of all, Fanny was praised to her face by those whose praise she knew to be really worth having. Sir Joshua said he would give fifty pounds to know the author of “Evelina.” Burke sat up all night to finish it. Murphy and Sheridan entreated her to write a comedy and Sheridan agreed to take it before a word was put on paper. To a girl of twenty-five, up to that day merely one of the babes and sucklings, all this must have seemed like a golden dream.
Best of all, Fanny was complimented directly by people whose praise she knew was truly valuable. Sir Joshua said he would pay fifty pounds to find out who wrote “Evelina.” Burke stayed up all night to finish it. Murphy and Sheridan asked her to write a comedy, and Sheridan even offered to present it before she had written a single word. For a twenty-five-year-old, who until that day was just one of the inexperienced, all of this must have felt like a golden dream.
But the best was Johnson. Fanny was brought into intimate contact with him in Mrs. Thrale’s hospitable house at Streatham. Something of the Doctor’s enthusiasm must doubtless be laid to the influence of grace, beauty, and feminine charm on that ogrish and susceptible heart. But, whatever the cause, he set no bounds to an outcry of admiration sufficient to turn the head of an older and sedater woman. Nothing like “Evelina,” he said, had appeared for years. And of its author “I know none like her—nor do I believe there is, or ever was, a man who could write such a book so young.” And the literary praise was mingled with expressions of personal affection. “Afterwards, grasping my hand with the most affectionate warmth, he said: ‘I wish you success! my dear little Burney!’ When, at length, I told him I could stay no longer, and bid him[72] good night, he said, ‘There is none like you, my dear little Burney! there is none like you!—good night, my darling!’”
But the best was Johnson. Fanny got to know him really well at Mrs. Thrale’s welcoming home in Streatham. Part of the Doctor’s excitement was likely due to the influence of grace, beauty, and feminine charm on that rough but sensitive heart. Regardless of the reason, he didn’t hold back in his praise, enough to make any older, more reserved woman blush. He said nothing like “Evelina” had come out in years. And about its author, he exclaimed, “I don’t know anyone like her—nor do I believe there’s, or ever was, a man who could write such a book at such a young age.” His literary admiration was mixed with gestures of personal affection. “Later, holding my hand with the warmest affection, he said: ‘I wish you success! my dear little Burney!’ When I finally told him I couldn’t stay any longer and said good night, he remarked, ‘There is none like you, my dear little Burney! There is none like you!—good night, my darling!’”
In such a highly-flavored atmosphere did the girl live until the publication of her second novel, “Cecilia,” in 1782. This, though more elaborate, more Johnsonian, and less freshly entertaining than “Evelina,” was equally well received, and Miss Burney continued to be idolized by all the literary set of London.
In such a vibrant atmosphere did the girl live until the release of her second novel, “Cecilia,” in 1782. This book, while more complex, more Johnsonian, and not as fresh and entertaining as “Evelina,” was also very well received, and Miss Burney remained idolized by all the literary crowd in London.
Then there came an extraordinary change. Mrs. Thrale married the Italian musician, Piozzi, and the Streatham circle was broken up. Miss Burney’s greatest supporter, Johnson, died in 1784, and in the following year Fanny was transplanted, elevated or degraded, as you please, from the free, fascinating life of a popular author to be a personal attendant on the queen. Dr. Burney thought his daughter’s future assured in the most promising fashion. She herself entered upon her new career with anxiety and regret and found nothing in it to contradict her unpleasant expectations.
Then an amazing change happened. Mrs. Thrale married the Italian musician, Piozzi, and the Streatham group fell apart. Miss Burney’s biggest supporter, Johnson, passed away in 1784, and the next year, Fanny was moved, uplifted or brought down, however you see it, from the free, intriguing life of a popular author to being a personal attendant to the queen. Dr. Burney believed his daughter’s future was secure in the best possible way. She herself started her new job feeling anxious and regretful and found nothing in it to go against her unpleasant expectations.
The queen and princesses were, indeed, kind to her; but their hangers-on were not, or not all of them. She had been born free, had grown up in freedom, had been accustomed to indulge her fancies, to have them indulged by others, limiting them only by love and the affectionate wish to comply with the fancies of those dear to her. Now she was cramped in every movement, what was far worse, in every thought. To do servant’s work for a servant’s stipend was hateful. To run at bell-call for an idle bidding was more hateful. But these were nothing compared to having no home, no[73] time, no life, of one’s own. To move by the clock, some one else’s clock, to be thrown into any quarters that could be spared from the needs of those higher, to dress and undress at stated times in stated fashions, to be never, never Dr. Burney’s daughter, but always the handmaid of the queen—what a change from the caresses of Johnson and the compliments of Burke! Even pastimes not unwelcome in themselves become so in such surroundings. What a wail does she utter over the daily infliction of piquet with the tyrannous Mrs. Schwellenberg: “And—O picquet—life hardly hangs on earth during its compulsion, in these months succeeding months, and years creeping, crawling after years.”
The queen and princesses were certainly nice to her; however, not all of their followers were. She had been born free, grown up in freedom, and had been used to indulging her desires, with others doing the same, limited only by love and the wish to please those she cared about. Now, she felt restricted in every movement, and even worse, in every thought. Doing menial work for a servant's pay was unbearable. Jumping to respond to every call for trivial tasks was even worse. But these issues paled in comparison to lacking a home, time, or life of her own. Living by someone else's schedule, being placed in whatever space was available from the needs of those of higher status, dressing and undressing at set times in designated ways, and never being known as Dr. Burney’s daughter but always as the queen’s maid—what a drastic change from the affection of Johnson and the praise of Burke! Even leisure activities that would normally be enjoyable become tiresome in such an environment. She laments the daily torture of playing piquet with the domineering Mrs. Schwellenberg: “And—O piquet—life barely feels bearable during its obligation, in these months following months, and years slowly dragging by.”
And then another change, quite as violent as the preceding. Miss Burney’s health fails under the strain, she leaves the court, is thrown among a group of French émigrés, meets General D’Arblay, marries him, and settles down in a quiet country cottage, with a bit of an income and a garden full of cabbages. No Burkes or Johnsons here, no kings or queens or saucy gentlemen in waiting; just quiet. One would think she would miss it all, even what was hateful. Charles Lamb sighed to be rid of his India House slavery, and when he was rid of it, could not tell what to do with his freedom. So it is apt to be with all of us. But Madame D’Arblay apparently knew when she was well off. She adored her husband. She was absorbed in her son. She wrote another novel, “Camilla,” less readable than the others, but well paid for. She entertained with perfect simplicity any friend who could come to her. She had but[74] one dread—lest some call of military or political duty in France might draw away her husband and break up her Paradise. “Ah, if peace would come without, what could equal my peace within!”
And then another shift, just as intense as the last. Miss Burney’s health deteriorates under the pressure, she leaves the court, ends up among a group of French émigrés, meets General D’Arblay, marries him, and settles down in a cozy country cottage, with a little income and a garden full of cabbages. No Burkes or Johnsons here, no kings or queens or cheeky gentlemen-in-waiting; just tranquility. One might think she would miss it all, even the parts she disliked. Charles Lamb longed to be free from his India House job, and when he finally was, he struggled to figure out how to spend his newfound freedom. This often happens to all of us. But Madame D’Arblay seemed to know when she had it good. She adored her husband, was deeply involved with her son, and wrote another novel, “Camilla,” which wasn’t as enjoyable as her others but paid well. She welcomed any friend who could visit her with total simplicity. She had only one fear— that some call of military or political duty in France might pull her husband away and ruin her paradise. “Ah, if peace would come from outside, what could match my peace inside!”
The call of duty did come. Her husband went and she followed him, into other scenes, still totally different from what had gone before. She saw the France of the first Napoleon and Napoleon himself. She saw the restoration of the Bourbons. She was hurried along in the mad bustle of the flight from Paris. She waited in Brussels through the suspense of Waterloo. With husband and son, and alone, she had adventures and perils by land and sea. Surely she had need of a good stock of peace within, for peace without seemed very far away.
The call of duty did come. Her husband left, and she followed him into completely different settings from what she had known. She experienced the France of the first Napoleon and met Napoleon himself. She witnessed the restoration of the Bourbons. She was swept up in the chaotic escape from Paris. She waited in Brussels during the tense days leading up to Waterloo. With her husband and son, as well as alone, she faced adventures and dangers on both land and sea. She certainly needed to have a strong sense of inner peace, as external peace felt very distant.
But the last act passed quietly at home in England. She was not fêted or flattered any more, as she had been. Yet enough of old glory clung about her to bring her a large price for one more very indifferent novel, “The Wanderer.” Her husband died, her son died. Not much was left to her but memories and these, when she was nearly eighty, she wove into a life of her father, which Macaulay condemned, but which has at least the merit of being sweet and sunshiny. To recall such a golden past, such a tangled web of fortune, at eighty, without a word of bitterness for the present, shows a heart worth loving, worth studying. Let us study Madame D’Arblay’s.
But the last act unfolded quietly at home in England. She wasn’t celebrated or flattered anymore, as she once had been. Still, enough of her former glory lingered to fetch her a good price for one more rather mediocre novel, “The Wanderer.” Her husband passed away, her son passed away. Not much was left to her but memories, and these, when she was almost eighty, she wove into a life of her father, which Macaulay criticized, but which has at least the quality of being sweet and uplifting. To remember such a golden past, such a tangled web of fortune, at eighty, without a hint of bitterness about the present, shows a heart worth loving, worth studying. Let’s study Madame D’Arblay’s.
She will not help us so much as we could wish. “Poor Fanny’s face tells what she thinks, whether she will or no,” said Dr. Burney. Her face might. Her Diary does not. To be sure, she herself asserts repeatedly that she[75] writes nothing but the truth. “How truly does this Journal contain my real, undisguised thoughts ... its truth and simplicity are its sole recommendation.” No doubt she believed so. No doubt she aimed to be absolutely veracious. No doubt she avoids false statements and perversion of fact. Her diary may be true, but it is not genuine. It is literary, artificial, in every line of it. She sees herself exactly as a man—or woman—sees himself in a mirror: the very nature of the observation involves unconscious and instinctive posing.
She won't help us as much as we would like. “Poor Fanny’s face shows what she thinks, whether she means to or not,” said Dr. Burney. Her face could reveal that. Her Diary does not. Of course, she insists repeatedly that she[75] writes nothing but the truth. “How honestly does this Journal contain my real, unfiltered thoughts ... its truth and simplicity are its only selling points.” No doubt she believed that. No doubt she intended to be completely truthful. No doubt she avoids false statements and twisting the facts. Her diary may be true, but it is not authentic. It's literary and artificial in every line. She sees herself just like anyone else—man or woman—sees themselves in a mirror: the very nature of the observation involves unconscious and instinctive posing.
Macaulay, in his rhetorical fashion, draws a violent contrast between Madame D’Arblay’s Memoirs of her father and her Diary. The Diary, he says, is fresh and natural, the Memoirs tricked up with all the artifice of a perfumer’s shop. Neither is fresh and natural. The Memoirs are overloaded with Johnsonian ornament; but the simpler style of the Diary is not one bit more spontaneous or more genuine. It was impossible for the woman to look at herself from any but a literary point of view.
Macaulay, in his typical rhetorical style, starkly contrasts Madame D’Arblay’s Memoirs of her father and her Diary. He claims the Diary is fresh and natural, while the Memoirs are dressed up with all the tricks of a perfumer’s shop. Neither work is truly fresh and natural. The Memoirs are packed with Johnsonian embellishments; however, the simpler style of the Diary isn’t any more spontaneous or genuine. The woman could only see herself from a literary perspective.
Take, for instance, the address to “Nobody,” with which the Diary opens. It sets the note at once. There is not the slightest suggestion of a sincere, direct effort to record the experiences of a soul; merely an airy, literary coquetting with somebody, everybody, under the Nobody mask.
Take, for example, the address to “Nobody,” with which the Diary opens. It immediately sets the tone. There's not the slightest hint of a genuine, straightforward attempt to document the experiences of a soul; instead, it's just a light, literary flirtation with someone, anyone, hiding behind the Nobody mask.
A single breath of fresh air is enough to blast the artificiality of the whole thing. Turn from a page of the Diary to any letter of Mrs. Piozzi—some of them are given in the Diary itself. A coarse woman, a passionate woman, a jealous woman—but, oh, so genuine[76] in every word. Her loud veracity sweeps through Fanny’s dainty nothings like a salt sea breeze. And do not misunderstand the distinction. Fanny could not have told a lie to save her life. Mrs. Piozzi probably tossed them about like cherries or bonbons. But Mrs. Piozzi, laughing or lying, was always herself, without thinking about herself. Fanny was always thinking—unconsciously, if one may say so—of how she would appear to somebody else.
A single breath of fresh air is enough to blow away the fake vibes of the whole situation. Flip from a page of the Diary to any letter from Mrs. Piozzi—some of them are included in the Diary itself. A rough woman, a passionate woman, a jealous woman—but, oh, so real in every word. Her loud honesty cuts through Fanny’s delicate trivialities like a salty sea breeze. And don’t get the distinction mixed up. Fanny could never tell a lie even if her life depended on it. Mrs. Piozzi probably tossed them around like cherries or candies. But whether laughing or fibbing, Mrs. Piozzi was always herself, without a second thought about it. Fanny was always preoccupied—unconsciously, if we can say so—with how she would come across to someone else.
Thus I cannot agree with Mr. Dobson that her Diary is to be classed with the great diaries. A page of Pepys is enough to put her out of the count. She may be more decorous, more varied, even more entertaining. As a portrayer of her own soul or of the souls of others, between her and Pepys there is no comparison.
Thus, I cannot agree with Mr. Dobson that her Diary belongs in the same category as the great diaries. Just one page of Pepys is enough to disqualify her. She may be more proper, more varied, and even more entertaining. But when it comes to capturing her own soul or the souls of others, there’s no comparison between her and Pepys.
Take the mere matter of conversations. In these Miss Burney is inexhaustible. She gives an evening’s talk of half a dozen personages, tricked out with the neatness of finished comic dialogue. She may keep the general drift of what was said. But who supposes her record can be exact? Exact enough, you say. In a sense, yes. Yet she turns humanity into literature. When Pepys quotes a sentence, you know you have the gross reality.
Take the simple matter of conversations. In this, Miss Burney is tireless. She presents an evening's discussion among half a dozen characters, crafted with the precision of polished comic dialogue. She may capture the overall essence of what was said. But who thinks her account can be precise? Precise enough, you might say. In a way, yes. Yet she transforms humanity into literature. When Pepys shares a sentence, you know you have the raw truth.
So, I repeat, our diarist helps us less than she ought. Yet even she cannot write two thousand pages, nominally about herself, without telling something. The very fact of such literary self-consciousness is of deep human interest. It is to be noted, also, that she does not conceal herself from any instinct of reserve. She is willing to drop pose and tell all, if she could; but she[77] cannot. Such thoughtless self-confession as Pepys’s would have been impossible to her. I do not think that once, in all her volumes, does she show herself in an unfavorable light.
So, I’ll say it again, our diarist isn’t as helpful as she could be. Still, even she can’t write two thousand pages, supposedly about herself, without revealing something. The mere act of such literary self-awareness is deeply fascinating. It’s also worth mentioning that she doesn’t hide behind any instinct of reserve. She’s ready to drop the facade and share everything, if she could; but she[77] can’t. The kind of careless self-revelation that Pepys had would be impossible for her. I don’t believe that once, in all her volumes, does she present herself in a negative light.
But we can detect what she does not show. We can read much, much that she did not mean us to read. And lights are thrown on her by others as well as by herself.
But we can see what she doesn't reveal. We can understand a lot that she didn't intend for us to pick up on. And others, along with herself, shine a light on her as well.
To begin with, how did she bear glory? For a girl of twenty-five to be thrown into such a blaze of it was something of an ordeal. She herself disclaims any excessive ambition. She could almost wish the triumph might “happen to some other person who had more ambition, whose hopes were more sanguine, who could less have borne to be buried in the oblivion which I even sought.” She records all the fine things that are said of her, the surmises of eager curiosity, the ardent outbursts of family affection, the really tumultuous enthusiasm of ripened critical judgment. But she is rather awed than inflated by it, at least, so she says. “I believe half the flattery I have had would have made me madly merry; but all serves only to depress me by the fulness of heart it occasions.” “Steeped as she was in egotism,” is the phrase used of her by Hayward, the biographer of Mrs. Piozzi. If she was so steeped, it certainly did not appear in outward obtrusiveness, pretense, or self-assertion. She repeatedly complains of her own shyness; and others, who knew her in very various surroundings, bear witness to it as strongly. “She was silent, backward, and timid, even to sheepishness,” writes her father. “Dr. Burney and[78] his daughter, the author of ‘Evelina’ and ‘Cecilia’ ... I always thought rather avoided than solicited notice,” says Wraxall. And Walpole, assuredly never inclined to minimize defects, speaks with an enthusiasm which is absolutely conclusive. Miss Burney “is half-and-half sense and modesty, which possess her so entirely, that not a cranny is left for pretense or affectation.”
To start, how did she handle all the attention? For a twenty-five-year-old to be thrust into such a spotlight was quite an ordeal. She claims she isn’t overly ambitious. She almost wishes that someone else with more ambition, who was more hopeful, could enjoy the success instead of her, someone who would struggle more with being forgotten, which she herself even desired. She documents all the nice things said about her, the eager curiosity, the passionate expressions of family love, and the enthusiastic reactions from seasoned critics. But instead of feeling elevated by it, she feels more overwhelmed, or so she says. “I believe half the compliments I've received would have made me ridiculously happy; but all they do is make me feel down because of how full my heart is.” “Steeped as she was in egotism,” is how Hayward, the biographer of Mrs. Piozzi, describes her. If she was so self-absorbed, it certainly didn’t show in any noticeable way or through pretentiousness. She often mentions her own shyness, and others who knew her in various settings strongly confirm this. “She was quiet, reserved, and shy, almost to the point of being embarrassed,” writes her father. “Dr. Burney and his daughter, the author of ‘Evelina’ and ‘Cecilia’... I always thought they preferred to avoid attention rather than seek it,” says Wraxall. And Walpole, never one to downplay flaws, speaks with a certainty that’s completely convincing. Miss Burney “is a blend of intelligence and modesty, which occupy her so fully that there’s not a bit left for pretense or affectation.”
No. The author of “Evelina” may, must, have reveled in the praise which was showered upon her in such intoxicating measure. But she kept her head, and few men or women ever lived who were less spoiled by flattery than she.
No. The author of “Evelina” may have enjoyed the overwhelming praise she received, but she remained grounded, and few people ever lived who were less affected by flattery than she was.
Indeed, her extreme shyness probably prevented her being brilliantly successful in general society. She herself disposes summarily of her qualifications in this regard. A hostess, she says, should provide for the intellectual as well as the material wants of her guests. “To take care of both, as every mistress of a table ought to do, requires practice as well as spirits, and ease as well as exertion. Of these four requisites I possess not one.”
Indeed, her intense shyness likely stopped her from being really successful in social situations. She herself quickly dismisses her qualifications in this area. A good host, she says, should cater to both the intellectual and material needs of their guests. “Balancing both, as every host should, takes practice and energy, as well as relaxation and effort. Of these four qualities, I lack all of them.”
This is the sort of thing one prefers saying one’s self to having others say it. There can be no doubt that Miss Burney had tact, grace, charm, and above all, that faculty of taking command of and saving a difficult situation which is one of the most essential of social requisites. There is character in the pretty little anecdote of her childhood. She and her playmates had soaked and ruined a crusty neighbor’s wig. He scolded. For a while Fanny—ten years old—listened with remorse and patience. Then she walked up to him and[79] said. “What signifies talking so much about an accident? The wig is wet, to be sure; and the wig was a good wig, to be sure; but ’tis of no use to speak of it any more, because what’s done can’t be undone.”
This is the kind of thing you prefer to say yourself rather than have others say it. There’s no doubt that Miss Burney had tact, grace, charm, and above all, the ability to take charge and manage a tough situation, which is one of the most important social skills. There’s character in the cute little story from her childhood. She and her friends had soaked and ruined a cranky neighbor’s wig. He scolded them. For a while, Fanny—who was ten—listened with remorse and patience. Then she walked up to him and[79] said, “What’s the point of talking so much about an accident? The wig is wet, sure; and it was a nice wig, for sure; but there’s no use in bringing it up anymore because what’s done can’t be undone.”
Still, she was doubtless at her best in companies of three or four friends, where she felt at her ease. She loved society and conversation, but it was of the intimate, fireside order. How fine is her remark on this point. “I determined, however, to avoid all tête-à-têtes with him whatsoever, as much as was in my power. How very few people are fit for them, nobody living in trios and quartettos can imagine!” She studied her interlocutors and adapted herself to them. “As soon as I found by the looks and expressions of this young lady, that she was of a peculiar cast, I left all choice of subjects to herself, determined quietly to follow as she led.” She had also that charming gift for intimate society, the power—rather, the instinctive habit—of drawing confidences. Young and old, men and women, told her their hopes, their sorrows, their aspirations, and their difficulties. This, I think, does not commonly happen to persons steeped in egotism.
Still, she was undoubtedly at her best in groups of three or four friends, where she felt comfortable. She loved socializing and chatting, but it was of the close, cozy kind. How insightful is her comment on this: “I decided, however, to avoid any one-on-one meetings with him as much as I could. Very few people are suited for them; no one living in threes and fours can imagine!” She observed her conversation partners and adjusted to them. “As soon as I noticed from the young lady's looks and expressions that she was unique, I let her choose the topics and quietly followed her lead.” She also had that wonderful talent for intimate gatherings—the natural ability, rather, the instinctive habit—of drawing out personal secrets. People of all ages, both men and women, shared their hopes, sorrows, aspirations, and challenges with her. I think this doesn’t usually happen with people who are deeply self-absorbed.
As it is delightful to turn from one trait in a character to another that seems quite incompatible with it, we must not assume that, because Miss Burney was shy and retiring, therefore she wanted spirits and gayety. On the contrary, she assures us, and the Diary and her other writings and her friends confirm it, that in good company she could carry laughter and hilarity to the pitch of riot. What a delicious picture does Crisp paint of her in childhood, dancing “Nancy Dawson on[80] the grass-plot, with your cap on the ground, and your long hair streaming down your back, one shoe off, and throwing about your head like a mad thing.” She was always ready to dance Nancy Dawson, and eager in sympathy when others danced. In the lively parts of “Evelina” there is a Bacchic boisterousness almost Rabelaisian, and again and again throughout the Diary scenes of pure, wild fun diversify the literary gravity of Streatham and the dull decorum of the court of George the Third.
As enjoyable as it is to switch from one character trait to another that seems totally at odds with it, we shouldn't think that just because Miss Burney was shy and reserved, she lacked liveliness and cheerfulness. In fact, she tells us, and her Diary along with her other writings and friends back her up, that in good company she could bring laughter and excitement to the point of uproar. Crisp paints a delightful picture of her in childhood, dancing “Nancy Dawson on[80] the grass, with your cap on the ground, your long hair flowing down your back, one shoe off, and tossing your head around like a crazy person.” She was always ready to dance Nancy Dawson and was enthusiastic when others danced. The lively parts of “Evelina” have a boisterousness reminiscent of Bacchus, almost Rabelaisian, and again and again throughout the Diary, scenes of pure, wild fun lighten the literary seriousness of Streatham and the dull decorum of George the Third’s court.
But if Miss Burney could mock her friends, she could also love them, and to study her friendships is to study the woman herself. Mrs. Thrale-Piozzi does, indeed, write of her young protégée in rather harsh terms. Like all the rest of the Streatham world, Fanny was bitterly opposed to the Piozzi marriage, and her attitude provoked her former hostess to indignant criticism. Even in the earlier days of ardent affection, Mrs. Thrale notes some flaws in the relationship. Fanny was independent. Mrs. Thrale was patronizing. Fanny accepted favors a little as her due. Mrs. Thrale showered them, but wished them recognized. “Fanny Burney has kept her room here in my house seven days, with a fever or something that she calls a fever; I gave her every medicine and every slop with my own hand; took away her dirty cups, spoons, etc.; moved her tables; in short, was doctor, nurse, and maid—for I did not like the servants should have additional trouble, lest they should hate her for it. And now, with the true gratitude of a wit, she tells me that the world thinks the better of me for my civility to her. It does? does it?”
But if Miss Burney could poke fun at her friends, she could also genuinely care for them, and studying her friendships is essentially studying her as a person. Mrs. Thrale-Piozzi, indeed, writes about her young protégé in somewhat harsh terms. Like everyone else in the Streatham circle, Fanny strongly opposed the Piozzi marriage, and her stance sparked indignant criticism from her former hostess. Even in the earlier days of deep affection, Mrs. Thrale points out some issues in their relationship. Fanny was independent, while Mrs. Thrale tended to be patronizing. Fanny accepted favors almost as if they were her right, and Mrs. Thrale showered them on her but expected them to be acknowledged. “Fanny Burney has stayed in my house for seven days with a fever or something she calls a fever; I personally provided her with every medicine and remedy; took away her dirty cups, spoons, etc.; arranged her tables; in short, I was her doctor, nurse, and maid—because I didn’t want the servants to have extra trouble and possibly resent her for it. And now, with the classic gratitude of a witty person, she tells me that the world thinks better of me for my kindness to her. Really? Does it?”
Can you not understand how Fanny felt? And how Mrs. Thrale felt? And that they loved each other, nevertheless, as Mrs. Thrale indeed eagerly admits?
Can you not see how Fanny felt? And how Mrs. Thrale felt? And that they loved each other, just as Mrs. Thrale eagerly admits?
Then came the Piozzi trouble and the lady speaks harshly of “the treacherous Burneys.” Yet I do not think Fanny deserved it. She loved Dr. Johnson and she loved Mrs. Thrale. Between them her course was difficult. Also, she was undeniably conventional by nature and Mrs. Thrale’s irregularities shocked her. Yet she did the best she could.
Then came the Piozzi trouble, and the lady spoke harshly of “the treacherous Burneys.” Still, I don’t think Fanny deserved it. She cared for Dr. Johnson and she cared for Mrs. Thrale. Navigating between them was tough for her. Plus, she was definitely conventional by nature, and Mrs. Thrale’s unconventional behavior startled her. But she did the best she could.
“Treacherous,” said Mrs. Thrale. “True as gold,” said Queen Charlotte. The latter is much nearer the facts. Affection, loyal, devoted affection was the root of Miss Burney’s existence. She quotes Dr. Johnson’s saying to her, “Cling to those who cling to you,” and I am sure she was ready to carry it the one step further which real loyalty requires. Her friends stick by her and she by them. She defends them when they need it, even when they hardly deserve it. “All else but kindness and society has to me always been nothing.”
“Treacherous,” said Mrs. Thrale. “True as gold,” said Queen Charlotte. The latter is much closer to the truth. Affection, loyal and devoted affection, was the foundation of Miss Burney’s life. She quotes Dr. Johnson’s advice to her, “Cling to those who cling to you,” and I’m sure she was ready to take it a step further, which true loyalty demands. Her friends stand by her, and she stands by them. She defends them when they need it, even when they hardly deserve it. “Everything except kindness and companionship has always meant nothing to me.”
Especially charming is her devotion to her family. The Memoirs of her father are three volumes of long laudation. Almost equal is her affection for that singular figure, her other father, Samuel Crisp. Her sisters, Susan especially, are loved and praised with like ecstasy and when her husband appears, her letters to him and about him are as rapturous as was to be expected. One exception to these family ardors stands out by its oddity. Madame D’Arblay’s only son is, in youth, not what she would wish him to be—not dissipated, not vicious, but unsocial, unconventional—and she analyzes[82] him to his father with a critical coldness which, in her, is startling. “When he is wholly at his ease, as he is at present, ... he is uncouth, negligent, and absent.... He exults rather than blushes in considering himself ignorant of everything that belongs to common life, and of everything that is deemed useful.... Sometimes he wishes for wealth, but it is only that he might be supine.... Yet, while thus open to every dupery, and professedly without any sense of order, he is so fearful of ridicule that a smile from his wife at any absurdity would fill him with the most gloomy indignation. It does so now from his mother.” And thus we get sudden glimpses into deep gulfs of human nature, where it is hardly meant we should.
Especially charming is her devotion to her family. The memoirs of her father are three volumes of lengthy praise. Almost equally strong is her affection for her other father figure, Samuel Crisp. Her sisters, especially Susan, are loved and admired with similar enthusiasm, and when her husband shows up, her letters to him and about him are as ecstatic as one would expect. One exception to this family affection stands out due to its oddity. Madame D’Arblay’s only son, in his youth, is not what she would like him to be—not reckless, not immoral, but unsocial, unconventional—and she critiques him to his father with a surprising coldness. "When he is completely at ease, as he is now, ... he is awkward, careless, and detached.... He takes pride rather than feels ashamed in being ignorant of everything related to ordinary life and everything considered useful.... Sometimes he wishes for wealth, but only so he can be lazy.... Yet, while he is open to every deception and claims to lack any sense of organization, he is so afraid of being ridiculed that a smile from his wife at any foolishness would fill him with the darkest indignation. It does so now from his mother.” And thus we get sudden insights into the deep complexities of human nature, where we’re not really meant to look.
It seems almost an irony that a person of Miss Burney’s social and conventional temper should have been forced into the excess of social convention—a court. She knew what was before her and hated it; for we like to indulge our failings in our own way. All the more, therefore, is one struck with the admirable qualities which such a trying experience calls out in her. To begin with, she maintains her dignity. Sensitive, shy, and timid as she was, it might be supposed that all court creatures would walk over her, from the king to the lowest lacquey, that in the busy struggle to climb she would be made a ladder-rung for every coarse or careless foot. No, it is clear she was not. She had no false pretensions, no whimsical assertion of pride in the wrong place. But she would not be imposed upon. How fine and straightforward is her statement of principle in the matter: “To submit to ill-humour rather[83] than argue and dispute I think an exercise of patience, and I encourage myself all I can to practise it: but to accept even a shadow of an obligation upon such terms I should think mean and unworthy; and therefore I mean always, in a Court as I would elsewhere, to be open and fearless in declining such subjection.”
It seems almost ironic that someone like Miss Burney, who was so social and conventional, had to deal with the extreme social conventions of a court. She understood what awaited her and despised it; we all prefer to indulge our shortcomings in our own way. This makes her admirable qualities stand out even more in such a difficult situation. First of all, she holds onto her dignity. Sensitive, shy, and timid as she was, one might think all the court figures would walk all over her, from the king down to the lowliest servant, and that she would be used as a stepping stone in the relentless climb of ambition. But it’s clear that she wasn’t. She had no false airs or misplaced pride. However, she wouldn’t let herself be taken advantage of. How clear and straightforward is her principle on the matter: “To submit to bad moods rather than argue and dispute is, I think, an exercise in patience, and I encourage myself as much as I can to practice it: but to accept even a hint of an obligation under such conditions seems mean and unworthy; and so I intend, whether in a court or anywhere else, to be open and unafraid in rejecting such subjugation.”
Even finer is the force of character with which she resists depression and brooding over being torn from her friends and cut off from all her favorite pursuits. “Now therefore I took shame to myself and resolved to be happy.” Happy she could not be, but such a resolution alters life, nevertheless, and shows an immense fund of character in the resolver. Similar resources she had shown before, when literary failure came to her as well as success. Accept the inevitable, resolutely control all thought of what cannot be helped, say nothing about it, and try something else. In short, she had a rich supply of that useful article, common sense. It is to be noted, also, that the heroines of her novels have it, for all their wild adventures.
Even more impressive is the strength of her character as she fights off depression and the sadness of being separated from her friends and missing out on her favorite activities. “So I decided to be happy.” She couldn’t truly be happy, but making that choice changed her life nonetheless and demonstrated a huge depth of character in her decision. She had shown similar strength before when she faced literary failures as well as successes. Accept the inevitable, take control of thoughts about what can’t be changed, say nothing about it, and try something new. In short, she had a wealth of that valuable trait: common sense. It's also worth noting that the heroines in her novels possess it, despite all their wild adventures.
With these various opportunities of human contact and with this natural shrewdness, Madame D’Arblay’s Diary should have been a mine of varied and powerful observation of life. It is not. She presents us with a vast collection of figures, vividly contrasted and distinguished in external details and little personal peculiarities; but rarely, if ever, does she get down to essentials, to a real grip on the deeper springs and motives of character. This is in large part due to the eternal literary prepossession which I have already pointed out. You feel that the painter is much more interested in[84] making an effective picture than a genuine likeness. But Miss Burney’s deficiencies as an analyst of hearts go deeper than this technical artificiality and are bound up with one of the greatest charms of her personal temperament. For an exact observer of character she is altogether too amiable. I do not at all assert that a good student of men must hate them. Far from it.
With all these different chances for human interaction and her natural cleverness, Madame D’Arblay’s Diary should have been a goldmine of diverse and insightful observations about life. But it isn’t. She offers us a huge collection of characters, vividly illustrated with their external traits and personal quirks; however, she rarely, if ever, digs deep into the essentials, missing the true motivations and deeper feelings of character. This is largely due to the ongoing literary bias I’ve mentioned before. You can sense that the writer is much more focused on creating an eye-catching scene than on capturing a true likeness. However, Miss Burney’s shortcomings as a heart analyzer go beyond this technical superficiality and are tied to one of the greatest charms of her personality. For someone who accurately observes character, she is just too kind-hearted. I do not claim that a good observer of people must dislike them. Not at all.
is an excellent warning for the psychologist. But Miss Burney is really too full of the milk of human kindness. It oozes from every pore. She “tempers her satire with meekness,” said Mrs. Thrale. She does indeed. Occasionally, in a very elaborate portrait, like that of her fellow courtier, Mr. Turbulent, she makes what the French call a charge; but even these are the rallying of joyous good-nature, not the bitter caricature of the born satirist. When, by rare chance, she does bring herself to a bitter touch, she usually atones for it by the observing distillation of a soul of goodness, which transfers the subject to the sheep category at once.
is an excellent warning for psychologists. But Miss Burney is really overflowing with kindness. It seeps from every pore. She “tempers her satire with meekness,” as Mrs. Thrale said. She truly does. Occasionally, in a very detailed portrait, like that of her fellow courtier, Mr. Turbulent, she makes what the French call a charge; but even these are expressions of joyful goodwill, not the harsh caricature of a born satirist. When she does happen to deliver a bitter remark, she usually makes up for it with the keen insight of a good soul, which immediately puts the subject in the “innocent” category.
It is thus that her really vast gallery of portraiture is cruelly disappointing. Turn from her to Saint-Simon or Lord Hervey, turn even to the milder Greville or Madame de Rémusat, and you will feel the difference. George the Third was not Louis the Fourteenth, nor Queen Charlotte Queen Caroline. But George and his wife were hardly the beatific spirits that appear in this Diary. Miss Burney cannot say enough about her dear queen, her good queen, her saintly queen. Mrs. Thrale remarks: “The Queen’s approaching death gives no[85] concern but to the tradesmen, who want to sell their pinks and yellows, I suppose.” And this is really refreshing after so much distillation of soul perfumery.
It’s clear that her really extensive collection of portraits is quite disappointing. If you compare her to Saint-Simon or Lord Hervey, or even the gentler Greville or Madame de Rémusat, you’ll notice the difference. George the Third wasn’t Louis the Fourteenth, and Queen Charlotte wasn’t Queen Caroline. But George and his wife weren't the angelic figures they seem in this Diary. Miss Burney goes on and on about her beloved queen, her good queen, her saintly queen. Mrs. Thrale notes: “The Queen’s impending death worries no one but the tradespeople, who probably want to sell their pinks and yellows.” And this is really refreshing after so much over-the-top sentiment.
In short, though she was far from a fool, Miss Burney’s views of humanity do more credit to her heart than to her head. If the paradox is permissible, she was exceedingly intelligent, but not very richly endowed with intelligence, that is, she was quick to perceive and reason in detail, but she had no turn for abstract thinking. The “puppy-men” at Bath complained to Mrs. Thrale that her young protégée had “such a drooping air and such a timid intelligence.” This was greatly to the credit of the puppy-mens’ discernment. Timid intellectually—not morally—Miss Burney certainly was. Such learning as she had she carefully disguised, and in this, no doubt, she had as fellows other eighteenth-century women much bigger than she. But when she gets hold of an attractive book, she waits to read it in company. “Anything highly beautiful I have almost an aversion to reading alone.” Here I think we have a mark of social instincts altogether outbalancing the intellectual.
In short, even though she wasn't naive, Miss Burney’s views on people reflect her heart more than her mind. If it's okay to call it a paradox, she was very smart but not necessarily intellectually gifted; she quickly picked up on things and reasoned about details, but she didn’t excel at abstract thinking. The “puppy-men” in Bath complained to Mrs. Thrale that her young protege had “such a drooping air and such a timid intelligence.” This really speaks well of the puppy-men’s judgment. Miss Burney was definitely timid intellectually—not morally. She hid whatever knowledge she had, and in this, she had plenty of company with other eighteenth-century women who were much more prominent than she was. Yet when she finds an appealing book, she prefers to read it with others. “Anything highly beautiful I almost have an aversion to reading alone.” I think this shows that her social instincts outweighed her intellectual ones.
As to religious opinions, we have no right to criticize Miss Burney’s reserve, because she tells us that it is of set purpose. At the same time it is noticeable how ready she is to look up to somebody else for her thinking. Her father, Crisp, Dr. Johnson, Mr. Locke, her husband, each in turn is an idol, a mainstay for the timid intelligence to cling to.
As for religious beliefs, we shouldn't judge Miss Burney's hesitation because she says it's intentional. However, it's interesting to see how eager she is to rely on others for her thoughts. Her father, Crisp, Dr. Johnson, Mr. Locke, her husband—each of them takes a turn being an idol, a pillar for her uncertain intellect to hold on to.
And as her intelligence was perhaps not Herculean, so I question whether her emotional life, just and tender[86] and true as it indisputably was, had anything volcanic in it. She had certainly admirable control of her feelings; but in these cases we are never quite sure whether the force controlling is strong or the force controlled weak. Her love for her husband was rapturous—in words. Words were her stock in trade. It was also, no doubt, capable of supreme sacrifice; for her conscience was high and pure. Still, that “drooping air and timid intelligence” haunt me. She seems to approach all life, from God to her baby, with a delicious spiritual awe; so different from Miss Austen, who walks right up and lifts the veil of awe from everything. Miss Burney, indeed, stands as much in awe of herself as of everything else; and hence it is that, writing thousands of words about herself, she tells us comparatively little.
And while her intelligence might not have been extraordinary, I wonder if her emotional life, just and tender—and undeniably true—had any explosive qualities. She certainly had impressive control over her feelings, but in these situations, it’s hard to tell whether the controlling force is strong or if the controlled force is weak. Her love for her husband was passionate—in words. Words were her specialty. It was also likely capable of great sacrifice, as her conscience was high and pure. Still, that “drooping air and timid intelligence” sticks with me. She seems to approach all of life, from God to her baby, with a wonderful spiritual awe; so different from Miss Austen, who boldly approaches and lifts the veil of awe from everything. Miss Burney, in fact, seems to hold as much awe for herself as she does for everything else; and that’s why, despite writing thousands of words about herself, she reveals relatively little.
One thing is certain, she was a writer from her childhood to her death. Her own experiences and all others’ were “copy,” first and foremost. “I thought the lines worth preserving; so flew out of the room to write them.” She was always flying out of life to preserve it—in syrup. The minute detail with which she writes out—or invents—all the conversations of her first love affair is extraordinary enough. Still, as she had no feeling in the matter herself, it was less wonderful that she could describe—not analyze—the young man’s. But she did love her father. She did love her husband. That she could go from their deathbeds and note down last words and dying wishes, all the hopes and fears of those supreme moments, with cool artistic finish and posterity in her eye, is a fine instance of the scribbling mania.
One thing is for sure, she was a writer from her childhood until her death. Her own experiences and everyone else's were “copy,” above all. “I thought the lines worth preserving; so I dashed out of the room to write them.” She was always rushing out of life to capture it—in detail. The way she documents—or creates—every conversation of her first love affair is remarkable enough. Still, since she didn't have any feelings in the matter herself, it’s not that surprising she could describe—not analyze—the young man's feelings. But she did love her father. She did love her husband. That she could walk away from their deathbeds and record last words and dying wishes, all the hopes and fears of those crucial moments, with a calm artistic touch and a mind for posterity, is a great example of the writing obsession.
It is, therefore, as an authoress that we must chiefly think of her. It is as the fêted, flattered, worshiped creatress of “Evelina” that her girlish figure gets its finest piquancy; and she herself, in old age, must have gone back again and again, through all the varied agitations of fifty years, to that glorious evening when Johnson and Burke vied with each other in enthusiastic praise of her books, and as she left them, intoxicated with glory, Burke quietly said to her, “Miss Burney, die to-night.”
It’s, therefore, as a writer that we should primarily think of her. It’s as the celebrated, admired, revered creator of “Evelina” that her youthful figure holds its greatest charm; and in her old age, she must have frequently reflected on all the different experiences of fifty years, returning to that memorable evening when Johnson and Burke competed in their enthusiastic praise of her work, and as she walked away, overwhelmed with glory, Burke quietly said to her, “Miss Burney, die tonight.”
CHRONOLOGY
- Elizabeth Saint-Michel.
- Born 1640.
- Married Samuel Pepys December 1, 1655.
- Died November 10, 1669.

Mrs. Pepys as St. Katharine
Mrs. Pepys as St. Catherine
V
MRS. PEPYS
The psychographer is apt to be hampered in his study of women by lack of material. Men of energy and vigor make themselves felt in the world at large. Even if they write little, they have a vast acquaintance, come into close contact with those who can write, and all their doings and sayings of importance are narrowly watched and minutely chronicled. In making their portraits one is more often embarrassed by the excess of material than by the lack of it.
The psychographer often struggles to study women due to a lack of resources. Energetic and dynamic men tend to make a strong impression on the world. Even if they write very little, they know many people, engage closely with those who do write, and their important actions and words are closely observed and detailed. When creating their portraits, there's often more information available than there is need, rather than a shortage.
With women this is not the case. Those who have public careers, historical figures, artists, writers especially, are approachable enough. And there is a great temptation to portray such mainly, if not exclusively. Yet so far from being all of the sex, they are not fairly representative of it, perhaps one may even say they are not normally representative. It is the quiet lives that count, the humble lives, the simple lives, lives perhaps of great achievement and of great influence, but of great influence through others, not direct. The richest and fullest and most fruitful of these lives often pass without leaving any written record, without a single trace that can be seized and followed to good purpose by the curious student. No doubt such women would prefer to be left in shadow, as they lived. But the loss to humanity in the study of their nobility and usefulness[92] is very great. Above all, in portraying women of another type we should not forget these fugitive and silent figures who ought to be occupying the very first place in the history of their sex.
With women, this isn't the case. Those with public careers, like historical figures, artists, and especially writers, are approachable enough. There's a strong temptation to depict these women as the main, if not the only, examples. However, far from representing all women, they don’t fairly reflect the entire sex; in fact, one could argue they aren't typically representative at all. It's the quiet lives that matter—the humble lives, the simple ones—which may include significant achievements and great influence, but that influence often comes through others rather than directly. The richest, most fulfilling, and most impactful of these lives often go by without leaving any written record, without a single trace that curious students can seize on and follow meaningfully. No doubt, many of these women would prefer to remain in the shadows, just as they lived. But the loss to humanity in not studying their nobility and usefulness is substantial. Above all, when showcasing women of a different type, we shouldn't forget these elusive and silent figures who deserve to take the top spot in the history of their sex.[92]
No one will maintain that Elizabeth, wife of Samuel Pepys, was an especially noble or heroic personage, or that her influence in the world, direct or indirect, was of a character to deserve any particular celebration. She appears, however, to have been thoroughly feminine and she is exceptional and interesting in this one point, at least, that she has not left posterity a single written line, yet she is known to us, from the Diary of her husband, with an intimacy and an accuracy of detail which we can hope to acquire with few characters who lived so long ago. George Sand remarked justly of Rousseau’s “Confessions,” that while he was without doubt at liberty to expose his own frailty, he had no right, in doing so, to expose the frailty of others. Right or wrong, Pepys certainly exposed his wife, in all her humanity, to the curious gaze of those who care to read. If we had a full volume of her letters, we could probably add something to certain phases of her experience, and more than anything else we should be glad to have her frank and daily comment on her husband. But, as it is, we know her as we know few of our living acquaintances and not all of our intimate friends.
No one would argue that Elizabeth, Samuel Pepys' wife, was particularly noble or heroic, or that her influence in the world, whether direct or indirect, was notable enough to warrant special recognition. However, she seems to have been quite feminine, and she stands out as exceptional and interesting in at least one regard: she hasn't left behind a single written line for posterity, yet we know her from her husband's Diary with a level of intimacy and detail that we can rarely achieve with characters from such a distant past. George Sand rightly pointed out about Rousseau's "Confessions" that while he had every right to reveal his own flaws, he had no right to expose the flaws of others. Whether just or not, Pepys certainly laid bare his wife, in all her humanity, for the curious readers who wish to know. If we had a full collection of her letters, we could likely gain more insight into certain aspects of her experiences, and above all, we would love to have her candid daily thoughts about her husband. But as it stands, we know her like we know only a few of our living acquaintances and not all of our closest friends.
When she first appears to us, she was twenty years old. Pepys married her at the early age of fifteen. It was a pure love match. He was poor and she was poor. Her father was a French Protestant. He was unsuccessful and unthrifty and Pepys helped the whole[93] family, so far as he could. Of Elizabeth’s early life we know little, except that her Catholic friends tried to convert her. Of her married life before the Diary begins, in 1660, we know nothing.
When she first appears to us, she is twenty years old. Pepys married her at the young age of fifteen. It was a true love match. He was broke, and she was broke. Her father was a French Protestant. He was unsuccessful and wasteful, and Pepys did his best to support the whole family. We know very little about Elizabeth’s early life, except that her Catholic friends tried to convert her. We know nothing about her married life before the Diary begins in 1660.[93]
She was eminently beautiful. Pepys assures us of that, and he was a connoisseur. Nor was this a lover’s illusion on his part. Years after his marriage, when too much friction had set in between them, he reiterates his opinion and notes with pride that she is not outdone by the greatest beauties of the time: “My wife, by my troth, appeared as pretty as any of them; I never thought so much before; and so did Talbot and W. Hewer, as they said, I heard, to one another.” The admiring husband does not attempt details, and perhaps it is as well. In the likenesses that have come down to us we do not discern any singular charm: a forehead rather full and prominent, eyebrows gracefully arched, a strongly marked nose, the mouth somewhat heavy, with lips, especially the upper, protruding.
She was truly beautiful. Pepys confirms this, and he knew beauty well. This wasn’t just a lover's fantasy. Even years after they married, when their relationship had become strained, he repeated his view and proudly remarked that she was as stunning as the era's greatest beauties: “My wife, honestly, looked as pretty as any of them; I never realized it before; and Talbot and W. Hewer mentioned it to one another.” The admiring husband doesn't give specifics, and maybe that’s for the best. In the images that we have, we don’t see any exceptional charm: a rather full and prominent forehead, gracefully arched eyebrows, a strongly defined nose, a somewhat heavy mouth, with lips, especially the upper, sticking out.
That dress occupied a large place in Mrs. Pepys’s thoughts, as well as in her husband’s finances, goes without saying. He wishes her at all times to look well, but is not always eager about paying the bills. She follows the fashion, but not, it would seem, too curiously. Black patches, pendant curls, enhance, or disfigure, her natural charm. She cuts her dresses low in the neck, considerably to Pepys’s disgust, “out of a belief, but without reason, that it is the fashion.” When worldly prospects are favorable, she gets gifts,—for example, a new silk petticoat, “a very fine rich one, the best I did see there, and much better than she desires[94] or expects.” On the other hand, if a speculation—or a dinner—goes awry, her adornments are viewed less amiably. The purchase of a costly pair of earrings “did vex me and brought both me and her to very high and very foule words from her to me.”
That dress was a big deal for Mrs. Pepys, and it definitely impacted her husband’s wallet. He wants her to always look good, but he’s not always happy to pay the bills. She keeps up with trends, but not obsessively. Black patches and hanging curls either enhance or mess with her natural beauty. She wears her dresses with a low neckline, which greatly annoys Pepys, who believes—though without reason—that it's fashionable. When things are going well, she gets nice gifts, like a new silk petticoat, “a very fine rich one, the best I saw there, and much better than she wants or expects.” But if an investment or dinner goes poorly, her style is looked at less favorably. The purchase of an expensive pair of earrings “did vex me and led to very heated and nasty words between us.”
As this shows, she was in many ways a child; and what else should she have been? Married at fifteen, after a wandering and uncertain youth, how could she have attained solid training or any staid capacity? When she came to Pepys, she had apparently little education, but it is clear that she had a quick mother wit, so that with the passage of years she probably acquired as much as might decently justify the eulogy of her delightful epitaph, “forma, artibus, linguis cultissima.” Her husband was vexed by her false spelling, which must, therefore, have been indeed atrocious. But in his leisure hours he taught her arithmetic, geography, astronomy, and declares, in his patronizing way, that she made good profit.
As this shows, she was in many ways still a child; and what else could she have been? Married at fifteen, after a wandering and uncertain childhood, how could she have gained solid education or any reliable skills? When she met Pepys, she seemed to have little formal schooling, but it's clear she had a sharp intuition, so over the years she likely picked up enough to justify the nice words in her lovely epitaph, “forma, artibus, linguis cultissima.” Her husband was frustrated by her poor spelling, which must have been pretty bad. But in his spare time, he taught her arithmetic, geography, and astronomy, and he says, in his condescending way, that she learned well.
She was a considerable reader, perhaps not of very solid literature, but at any rate of the poets and novelists. When obliged to remain at home, with a new Easter bonnet, on account of Pepys’s indisposition, she consoles him, if not herself, by reading Fuller’s “Worthies.” On other similar occasions she reads Du Bartas or Ovid. Her erudition at times even produces a great effect on her husband, as when she assures him that the plot of a popular play is taken from a novel, goes home and puts the passage before him, also when she laboriously copies out a letter on jealousy from the “Arcadia” and submits it to him for his edification.[95] The romances that she loved she knew by heart, for her mentor finds occasion to check her for “her long stories out of Grand Cyrus, which she would tell, though nothing to the purpose, nor in any good manner.”
She was quite the reader, maybe not of the most substantial literature, but definitely of poets and novelists. When she had to stay home with her new Easter bonnet because Pepys was unwell, she comforted him, if not herself, by reading Fuller’s “Worthies.” On similar occasions, she would read Du Bartas or Ovid. Her knowledge sometimes even impressed her husband, like when she pointed out that the plot of a popular play was based on a novel, went home, and read the passage to him, or when she painstakingly copied out a letter about jealousy from the “Arcadia” and shared it with him for his enlightenment.[95] The romances she loved were memorized, as her mentor would often scold her for “her long stories from Grand Cyrus, which she would tell, even though they had nothing to do with the matter at hand, nor were they told well.”
When she was married, she had not many accomplishments. But Pepys wanted a wife who would do him credit and took pains to teach her. Also, it must be added that music was one of the greatest pleasures of his life and he tried hard to share it with her. Sometimes he is encouraged. She really has quite a voice, if it were not that she has no ear. And even if she has no voice, she is so deft with her fingers that he is sure she will play the flageolet charmingly. Then it ends too often in the wail of the musical temperament over the temperament that is not musical and never can be. With drawing it is somewhat better. The lady makes progress; she decidedly outdoes Peg Penn, which is gratifying, and in one case, at least, her husband defers abjectly to her esthetic judgment. I “did choose two pictures to hang up in my house, which my wife did not like when I came home, and so I sent the picture of Paris back again.”
When she got married, she didn’t have many achievements. But Pepys wanted a wife who would reflect well on him and made an effort to teach her. It should also be noted that music was one of the greatest joys in his life, and he worked hard to share that passion with her. Sometimes he felt hopeful. She really has a nice voice, except that she has no sense of pitch. And even if her singing isn’t great, she is so skilled with her fingers that he believes she will play the flageolet beautifully. However, it often ends in the frustration of a musical soul dealing with someone who just doesn’t have it. With drawing, it’s a bit better. She is making progress; she definitely surpasses Peg Penn, which is encouraging, and in at least one instance, her husband humbly respects her artistic opinion. “I picked out two pictures to hang up in my house, which my wife didn't like when I got home, so I sent the picture of Paris back.”
Mrs. Pepys’s enthusiasm for her artistic pursuits was so great as occasionally to bring reproach upon her for neglect of her household duties. But in general we may conclude that she was a faithful, a devoted, and an interested housekeeper. In a girl of twenty some slips were surely to be expected. “Finding my wife’s clothes lie carelessly laid up, I was angry with her, which I was troubled for.” The record, however, usually indicates both intelligence and energy. “My poor wife, who[96] works all day at home like a horse,” remarks the not always appreciative husband. There are spurts of cleanliness, when the lady and her maids rise early and labor late, with a grim determination to rid their belongings of dirt, that monster of the world. Every woman will sympathize and will resent the unkindly comment of the observing cynic: “She now pretends to a resolution of being hereafter very clean. How long it will hold I can guess.”
Mrs. Pepys’s passion for her artistic hobbies was so strong that it sometimes led to criticism about her neglecting her household responsibilities. But overall, we can say she was a dedicated and engaged housekeeper. At just twenty, some mistakes were to be expected. “When I found my wife’s clothes carelessly put away, I got angry with her, which made me feel bad.” The records, however, usually show she had both intelligence and energy. “My poor wife, who works all day at home like a horse,” remarks her husband, who isn’t always appreciative. There are bursts of cleanliness, where she and her maids wake up early and work late, determined to rid their space of dirt, that enemy of the world. Every woman will empathize and resent the harsh comment of the cynical observer: “Now she pretends to be determined to keep everything very clean. I can guess how long that will last.”
Washing seems to have been done with a thoroughness which makes up for its rarity. Washing day upsets the whole household and with it Mr. Pepys’s temper, because he had invited friends to dinner and did not see how preparations could possibly be made to receive them. Nevertheless, I imagine the guests were received, and had no suspicions. A good housewife can work those miracles. At another time he goes to bed late and leaves mistress and maids still washing, washing.
Washing seems to have been done with such thoroughness that it makes up for how rare it is. Wash day throws the whole household into disarray, along with Mr. Pepys's mood, since he had invited friends over for dinner and couldn't see how preparations could possibly be made to host them. Still, I imagine the guests were welcomed and had no idea. A skillful housewife can work those wonders. At another time, he goes to bed late while the mistress and maids are still washing, washing.
The lady was a cook, too, and no doubt a good one. Many a dinner of her getting is minutely detailed and many more of her supervising. As has happened to others, her new oven bakes too quickly and burns her tarts and pies, but she “knows how to do better another time.” And this is a little touch of character, is it not?
The lady was a cook as well, and undoubtedly a skilled one. Many dinners made by her are described in detail, and there are even more where she was in charge. Like others have experienced, her new oven cooks too fast and burns her tarts and pies, but she “knows how to do better next time.” And this adds a bit of character, doesn’t it?
But the sweetest picture of Mrs. Pepys at work is drawn by her husband’s memory, as he looks back from growing fortune on cottage days and simple love. “Talking with pleasure with my poor wife, how she used to make coal fires, and wash my foul clothes with[97] her own hand for me, poor wretch! in our little room at my Lord Sandwich’s; for which I ought for ever to love and admire her, and do; and persuade myself she would do the same thing again, if God should reduce us to it.”
But the most beautiful image of Mrs. Pepys at work comes from her husband’s memory, as he reflects on their humble beginnings and simple love amidst their growing wealth. “Talking happily with my dear wife about how she used to make coal fires and wash my dirty clothes by hand for me, poor thing! in our small room at my Lord Sandwich’s; for this, I should always love and admire her, and I do; and I convince myself she would do the same again if God were to bring us back to that.”
Riches diminish some cares and swell others. In the little room at Lord Sandwich’s the servant problem was not serious. Afterwards it became so. A procession of sweet old English names, Nells and Janes and Nans and Debs, gleams and dances through the Diary, sometimes in tears, sometimes in laughter, sometimes trim, dainty, and coquettish, sometimes red-armed and tousle-headed. Some please master and mistress both, some please only the mistress, some, alas!—not the red arms and tousled heads—please only the master and fill that quaint and ancient Pepysian domesticity with tragedy and woe. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not even her children, tests a woman’s character so much as do her servants. From all that we read, it seems safe to assume that Mrs. Pepys showed judgment, common sense, and balance in the treatment of hers. If she flew out occasionally, we must remember that she was very young and that she lived with servants in very close intimacy. I fancy that her voice had deserved weight in the pretty little scene which took place in the garden and the moonlight. “Then it being fine moonshine with my wife an houre in the garden, talking of her clothes against Easter and about her mayds, Jane being to be gone, and the great dispute whether Besse, whom we both love, should be raised to be chamber-mayde or no. We have both a mind to it, but know not whether we should venture the making[98] her proud and so make a bad chamber-mayde of a good-natured and sufficient cook-mayde.”
Riches lessen some worries and increase others. In the small room at Lord Sandwich’s, the servant issue wasn’t serious. Later, it became a problem. A parade of sweet old English names—Nells, Janes, Nans, and Debs—shines and dances through the Diary, sometimes in tears, sometimes in laughter, sometimes neat, delicate, and flirtatious, sometimes with bare arms and messy hair. Some of them please both the master and mistress, some please only the mistress, and some, unfortunately—not the bare arms and messy hair—please only the master, filling that quirky and old-fashioned Pepys domestic life with tragedy and sorrow. Nothing, not even her children, tests a woman's character as much as her servants do. From what we read, it seems safe to say that Mrs. Pepys showed good judgment, common sense, and balance in how she dealt with them. If she occasionally lost her temper, we must remember that she was very young and lived in close quarters with her servants. I imagine her opinion held weight in the charming little scene that took place in the garden under the moonlight. “Then, as it was a beautiful moonlit night, my wife and I spent an hour in the garden, discussing her clothes for Easter and her maids, with Jane about to leave, and the big debate over whether Besse, whom we both adore, should be promoted to maid of honor or not. We both want to, but we’re unsure if we should risk making her proud and turning a good-natured and capable cook maid into a poor maid of honor.”
Probably the greatest wrecker of domestic peace is and always has been money. Was Mrs. Pepys a good economist? She was woman enough, human enough, to take delight in comfort and luxury. A new hanging, a new picture, a new bit of furniture enchanted her, as did a frock or a jewel. The purchase of the family coach was a matter of manifest rejoicing. Also, she was not perfect in her accounts, and when called to a stern audit by her source of supply, was forced to admit that she sometimes juggled with the figures, a confession truly horrible to one whose Philistine morality strained at a commercial gnat and swallowed a sexual camel. It “madded me and do still trouble me, for I fear she will forget by degrees the way of living cheap and under sense of want.” Nevertheless, her management is usually approved. After all, she costs less than other wives, a good many, and occasions of expense for her are not so frequent, all things considered. Even, in one felicitous instance, she receives praise, of that moderate sort which must often content the starved susceptibilities of matrimony. “She continuing with the same care and thrift and innocence, so long as I keep her from occasions of being otherwise, as ever she was in her life.”
Probably the biggest destroyer of domestic peace is and always has been money. Was Mrs. Pepys a good money manager? She was human enough to take pleasure in comfort and luxury. A new curtain, a new painting, or a new piece of furniture excited her, just like a new dress or jewel. Buying the family coach was something to celebrate. Also, she wasn't perfect with her finances, and when faced with a strict review from her source of funds, she had to admit that she sometimes manipulated the numbers, a confession that's truly shocking for someone whose moral standards were tight about money but loose when it came to personal matters. It annoyed me then and still bothers me now, as I worry she might gradually forget how to live frugally and feel a sense of want. Nevertheless, her management is generally seen as acceptable. After all, she costs less than many other wives, and her expenses aren’t as frequent, all things considered. In one fortunate case, she even received praise, of the moderate kind that often satisfies the neglected feelings in marriage. “She continues with the same care, thrift, and innocence, as long as I keep her away from opportunities to be otherwise, as she has always been in her life.”
One question that occurs frequently in regard to Mrs. Pepys is, had she friends? Apparently she had none. Perhaps her vague and troubled youth had kept her from contracting any of the rapturous intimacies of girlhood. If she had done so, they did not survive marriage.[99] For Pepys was not the man to let his wife’s close companions pass without comment. He would have hated them—or loved them, and in either case made his house not over-pleasant to them. Perhaps he had done so before the Diary begins. At any rate, while Mrs. Pepys had many acquaintances, we do not see that she had one real confidante to whom she entrusted the many secrets that she obviously had to entrust. And in consequence she was lonely. The Diary shows it in touching fashion. Pepys recognizes it, but, with a certain cold-bloodedness, prefers having her lonely at home to having her dissipated abroad. So she is left to gossip and bicker with her maids, to pet her dogs and birds, and to quarrel with her husband. Even of her own family she sees little. Pepys did not seek their company, because they always wanted something. And they did not seek his, because they did not always get what they wanted, though with them, as with others, he was usually just and often generous.
One question that often comes up about Mrs. Pepys is whether she had any friends. It seems that she didn’t have any. Perhaps her unclear and troubled upbringing prevented her from developing the intense friendships typical of girlhood. If she had any, they didn’t last after she got married. Pepys wasn’t the type to let his wife’s close friends go unnoticed. He would have either disliked them or been fond of them, and either way, he wouldn’t have made his home comfortable for them. He might have already done this before the Diary starts. At any rate, while Mrs. Pepys had many acquaintances, it appears she didn’t have a single true confidante to whom she could share the many secrets she clearly needed to reveal. As a result, she was lonely. The Diary shows this in a poignant way. Pepys acknowledges it but, rather coldly, prefers her to be lonely at home rather than out partying. So, she is left to gossip and argue with her maids, to care for her dogs and birds, and to squabble with her husband. Even with her own family, she rarely sees them. Pepys didn’t want their company because they always needed something. And they didn’t seek his company because they didn’t always get what they wanted, although he was usually fair and often generous with them. [99]
It must not, however, be supposed that Mrs. Pepys was a Cinderella, or that the maids in the kitchen were her sole society. Pepys was proud of her, proud of his house, proud of his hospitality, which enlarged as riches came. He took her about with him often to the houses of his friends. Now and again they made a journey together with great peace of mind and curious content. Also, few weeks passed that he did not bring some one home with him, for dancing, or music, or general merriment, and in all these doings Mrs. Pepys’s share was greater or less. I think we can easily surmise her hand in that royal and triumphant festivity, the[100] mere narrative of which breeds joy as well as laughter in any well-tempered disposition. “We fell to dancing, and continued, only with intermission for a good supper, till two in the morning, the music being Greeting, and another most excellent violin, and theorbo, the best in town. And so with mighty mirth, and pleased with their dancing of jigs afterwards several of them, and among others, Betty Turner, who did it mighty prettily; and, lastly, W. Batelier’s ‘Blackmore and Blackmore Mad’; and then to a country-dance again, and so broke up with extraordinary pleasure, as being one of the days and nights of my life spent with the greatest content; and that which I can but hope to repeat again a few times in my whole life. This done, we parted, the strangers home, and I did lodge my cozen Pepys and his wife in our blue chamber. My cozen Turner, her sister, and The., in our best chamber; Bab., Betty, and Betty Turner in our own chamber; and myself and my wife in the maid’s bed, which is very good. Our maids in the coachman’s bed; the coachman with the boy in his settle-bed, and Tom where he uses to lie. And so I did, to my great content, lodge at once in my house, with the greatest ease, fifteen, and eight of them strangers of quality.” And surely Mrs. Pepys was the queen of the feast, even though her name is but once mentioned.
It shouldn’t be assumed that Mrs. Pepys was a Cinderella, or that the kitchen maids were her only companions. Pepys was proud of her, proud of his home, proud of his hospitality, which grew as he became wealthier. He often took her with him to visit his friends. Occasionally, they traveled together with great peace of mind and curious contentment. Moreover, few weeks went by without him bringing someone home for dancing, music, or general fun, with Mrs. Pepys playing a significant role in all these events. We can easily imagine her involvement in that royal and triumphant celebration, the [100] mere recounting of which brings joy and laughter to any well-balanced person. “We started dancing and kept going, only stopping for a good supper, until two in the morning, with the music provided by Greeting and another excellent violinist and theorbo player, the best in town. With great joy, they enjoyed dancing jigs afterward, particularly Betty Turner, who did it very gracefully; and lastly, W. Batelier’s ‘Blackmore and Blackmore Mad’; then back to a country dance, and we ended with extraordinary pleasure, having spent one of the most satisfying days and nights of my life, one I can only hope to repeat a few times in my lifetime. After this, we said goodbye, the guests returned home, and I accommodated my cousin Pepys and his wife in our blue chamber. My cousin Turner, her sister, and The., in our best room; Bab., Betty, and Betty Turner in our own room; and my wife and I shared the maid’s bed, which is quite nice. Our maids used the coachman’s bed; the coachman and the boy slept in his settle-bed, and Tom was where he usually lay. And so, to my great satisfaction, I had fifteen people lodging at my house, eight of whom were high-quality strangers, all with the greatest ease.” And surely Mrs. Pepys was the queen of the feast, even though her name is mentioned only once.
Moreover, she had the social instinct, and gave her husband advice as to his conduct in the world, which he himself recognizes as excellent, and resolves to follow it. “I told all this day’s passages, and she to give me very good and rational advice how to behave myself[101] to my Lord and his family, by slighting everybody but my Lord and Lady, and not to seem to have the least society or fellowship with them, which I am resolved to do, knowing that it is my high carriage that must do me good there, and to appear in good clothes and garbe.”
Moreover, she had a natural talent for social interactions and offered her husband advice on how to conduct himself in society, which he recognized as brilliant and decided to follow. “I shared everything that happened today, and she gave me very good and sensible advice on how to behave with my Lord and his family—by ignoring everyone except my Lord and Lady, and not appearing to have any connection or friendship with them. I’m determined to follow this, knowing that my elevated demeanor will benefit me there, and I plan to show up in nice clothes and style.”[101]
In one of Pepys’s diversions, which meant more to him than any except, perhaps, music, Mrs. Pepys was allowed to share to a considerable extent, and that was theatre-going. It would seem that she entered into it almost as heartily as did her husband and with quite as intelligent criticism. In one of his delightful spells of conscience-ache, he reproaches himself for going to a play alone, after swearing to his wife that he would go no more without her. But he sometimes permits her to go alone and very often enjoys her company and her enthusiasm. Occasionally she differs from him without shaking his judgment. But they agree entirely in their delight in Massinger’s “Bondman” and as entirely in their contempt for “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
In one of Pepys’s favorite pastimes, which meant more to him than anything else except, maybe, music, Mrs. Pepys was allowed to participate to a significant extent, and that was going to the theater. It seems she engaged with it almost as passionately as her husband and offered equally insightful critiques. During one of his amusing moments of guilt, he scolds himself for going to a play alone after promising his wife that he wouldn’t go without her again. However, he sometimes lets her go by herself and often enjoys her company and enthusiasm. Occasionally, she disagrees with him without affecting his opinion. But they completely agree on their enjoyment of Massinger’s “Bondman” and equally share their disdain for “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
When one considers the frailties that resulted from Pepys’s social relations, one is tempted to ask how Mrs. Pepys was affected in this regard. So far as we can judge, it was not an age of very nice morality, at any rate among the upper classes. Wives as fair and as respectable as Pepys’s seem to have entertained the addresses of lovers more or less numerous. But I think we may assume that the lady we are concerned with was all that a wife should be. Pepys himself was undoubtedly of that opinion and he was an acute and a by no means partial judge. He does, indeed, have tempestuous bursts of jealousy. There was a certain dancing master,[102] Pembleton by name, who caused a great deal of uneasiness. It is pretty evident that Mrs. Pepys coquetted with him, perhaps intentionally, and drove her husband at times to the verge of frenzy, perhaps intentionally. It “do so trouble me that I know not at this very minute that I now write this almost what either I write or am doing.” But it blows over with the clear admission that the parties had been nothing more than indiscreet.
When you think about the weaknesses that arose from Pepys’s social interactions, it’s natural to wonder how Mrs. Pepys was impacted by all this. From what we can tell, it wasn’t a time known for strict morals, especially among the upper classes. Wives who were as attractive and respectable as Pepys’s seemed to have entertained a number of suitors. However, we can assume that the woman we’re discussing was everything a wife should be. Pepys certainly believed that, and he was a sharp and unbiased judge. He did have intense episodes of jealousy. There was a certain dance teacher, Pembleton, who caused a lot of anxiety. It’s pretty clear that Mrs. Pepys flirted with him, perhaps on purpose, and sometimes drove her husband to the brink of madness, maybe intentionally. He wrote, “It troubles me so much that I don’t even know at this very moment what I’m writing or doing.” But it eventually calms down with the acknowledgment that nothing more than indiscretion had occurred.
Also, I divine a little malice in that pleasant incident of later date, when Mrs. Pepys appears with a couple of fine lace pinners, at first causing infinite disquiet by the suspicion that they were a present and then dispelling this disagreeable state of mind by another hardly less disagreeable. “On the contrary, I find she hath bought them for me to pay for them, without my knowledge.”
Also, I sense a bit of malice in that nice event from later, when Mrs. Pepys shows up with a couple of beautiful lace pinners, first causing a lot of unease with the suspicion that they were a gift, then shaking off that uncomfortable feeling with another one that was hardly better. “On the contrary, I find she has bought them for me to pay for them, without my knowledge.”
Under other aspects of morality, Mrs. Pepys perhaps impresses us less favorably. She would seem to have had faults of temper, faults of tongue, to be at times inclined to deception, at times to violence. Here again her age must be remembered, her age and her training. I imagine that in some moral points she was more practical than her husband, less inclined to hair-splitting nicety. I would give a good deal to know what she thought of his precious business of vows, his fine distinctions as to indulgence and abstinence, his forfeits, his pretexts and subterfuges. When he made up for a vow broken in an extra visit to the theatre by getting her to substitute one of her visits which she could not use, I can see her soothing agreement, “Oh, yes, Sam, of course, why not?” And I can see also the[103] fine smile twitching the corners of her pretty mouth as she watched the departing Phariseeism of those sturdy English shoulders.
Under different aspects of morality, Mrs. Pepys might leave us with a less favorable impression. She seems to have had a quick temper, a sharp tongue, and at times tended towards deception and even violence. We should remember her age and the training that shaped her. I suspect that on some moral issues, she was more practical than her husband, less likely to get caught up in needless details. I would give a lot to know what she thought of his obsession with vows, his fancy distinctions between indulgence and abstinence, his penalties, and his excuses. When he made up for breaking a vow by making her cover one of her visits that she couldn't use with an extra trip to the theater, I can picture her soothingly agreeing, “Oh, yes, Sam, of course, why not?” And I can also see the[103] slight smile tugging at the corners of her pretty mouth as she watched the fading hypocrisy of those sturdy English shoulders.
What religion she had back of her morals—or immorals—we do not know. Although, in the enthusiasm of first love, she announced that she had a husband who would help her out of popery, she doubtless soon found that there was not much spiritual comfort to be had from one who in good fortune boasted of sharing the utter irreligion of Lord Sandwich and, when things went wrong, dreaded abjectly that the Lord God would punish him for his sins. Curious depths of inward experience suggest themselves from the fact that Mrs. Pepys became a Catholic and received the sacrament, without a single suspicion on the part of her watchful inquisitor. Yet, after all, there may have been little spiritual experience, but merely a deft confessor and an unresponsive world.
What religion she had behind her morals—or lack of morals—we don’t know. Even though, in the excitement of first love, she claimed she had a husband who would help her escape Catholicism, she probably soon realized there wasn't much spiritual comfort to be found in someone who, during good times, boasted of sharing the complete irreligion of Lord Sandwich and, when things went wrong, feared that God would punish him for his sins. The intriguing complexities of her inner life are highlighted by the fact that Mrs. Pepys became a Catholic and accepted the sacrament, all without a hint of suspicion from her observant interrogator. Yet, in the end, it may have been less about genuine spiritual experience and more about a skilled confessor and an indifferent world.
So it is hard to find out whether Mrs. Pepys loved God and it is equally hard to find out what we are even more eager to know, whether she loved her husband. In considering the point, we must remember first that the world saw him quite other than we see him in the Diary. We see the lining of his soul, somewhat spotted and patched and threadbare. The world at large saw the outer tissue which was really imposing and magnificent. Not only was he a useful, prosperous, successful public servant and man of business, but he had more than the respect, the esteem and admiration, of the best men of his time, as a scholar and a gentleman. Here, therefore, was a husband to be proud of.
So, it's tough to figure out if Mrs. Pepys loved God, and it's just as hard to discover what we're even more curious about: whether she loved her husband. When we think about this, we need to keep in mind that the world viewed him quite differently than we see him in the Diary. We see the inner part of his soul, which is a bit stained, patched, and worn out. The world saw the outer facade, which was impressive and grand. He wasn't just a competent, successful public servant and businessman; he also had the respect, esteem, and admiration of the most honorable men of his time, both as a scholar and a gentleman. So, here was a husband to be proud of.
Pride does not make love, however. And we know well that folly and even vice often hold a woman’s heart closer and longer than well-laundered respectability. It would appear that Mr. Pepys might have combined all the desired qualifications with peculiar success. Yet as to the result, I repeat, we do not know. And it is strange that we do not. Every shade of the husband’s varying feelings is revealed to us, but what the wife felt he does not record, because, alas, he does not greatly care. Or, rather, may we say that he assumed that she worshiped him? And may we not go further and conclude that he was right in so assuming and that for one word of real affection she was ready to lay all her whims and errors and vagaries at his feet? Is not this attitude quite compatible with understanding him completely?
Pride doesn’t create love, though. And we know that foolishness and even bad behavior often hold a woman’s heart longer than polished respectability. It seems that Mr. Pepys may have combined all the right qualities with unusual success. Yet, as for the outcome, I repeat, we don’t know. And it’s strange that we don’t. We see every nuance of the husband’s changing feelings, but we don’t get to know what the wife felt because, unfortunately, he doesn’t really care. Or can we say he assumed she worshiped him? And can we go further to suggest that he was correct in that assumption, and that for a single word of genuine affection, she was willing to put aside all her whims, mistakes, and quirks? Isn’t this perspective perfectly compatible with knowing him completely?
His family she did not love, nor they her. The case is not unprecedented. Very likely she tried her best. Very likely they tried their best. But she was young and fashionable and quick-witted. They were old, some of them, and all of them antique. Then they adored Sam, who was making the family. Well, so did she. But she knew Sam and did not care to have his Sunday attitudes and platitudes thrust upon her perpetually.
His family didn’t love her, and she didn’t love them. This isn’t an unusual situation. She probably did her best. They probably did their best too. But she was young, trendy, and clever. They were old, some of them, and all of them were out of touch. They all adored Sam, who was building the family. She did too. But she knew Sam and didn’t want his Sunday attitudes and clichés forced on her all the time.
If they had only had children, how different it might all have been! Pepys as a father would have furnished one more delight to the civilized world. Mrs. Pepys as a mother would have come in for some bad half hours, but she would have been more cherished and even more interesting. There is little evidence that Pepys[105] regretted his childless state, or that his wife did. But we can guess how it was with her.
If they had only had kids, how different everything could have been! Pepys as a dad would have added another joy to the civilized world. Mrs. Pepys as a mom would have faced some tough moments, but she would have been more loved and even more intriguing. There's not much proof that Pepys[105] regretted being childless, or that his wife did either. But we can imagine what it was like for her.
I have said that Pepys’s feelings towards his wife can be seen in minute detail all through the Diary. The study of them is profoundly curious. That he was an ardent lover before marriage is manifest from many casual observations, notably from one of the most high-wrought and passionate entries in the entire record. “But that which did please me beyond anything in the whole world was the wind-musique when the angel comes down, which is so sweet that it ravished me, and indeed, in a word, did wrap up my soul so that it made me really sick, just as I have formerly been when in love with my wife.”
I’ve mentioned that Pepys’s feelings for his wife are detailed throughout the Diary. Studying them is really interesting. It’s clear that he was a passionate lover before marriage, as shown by several casual remarks, especially one of the most intense and heartfelt entries in the whole record. “But what pleased me more than anything else in the world was the wind music when the angel comes down, which is so beautiful that it captivated me, and honestly, it completely consumed my soul to the point that it made me feel genuinely unwell, just like I used to feel when I was in love with my wife.”
The calm daylight of matrimonial domesticity paled these raptures to a very considerable extent. It has done so in other cases. The dull wear of duns and debts, the friction of household management, an ill-cooked dinner, an ill-dusted study—these things may not shatter the foundations of love, but they do a little tarnish its fresh trim and new felicity. Yet, though the husband is no longer made “almost sick” by the lover’s rapturous longing, there are plenty of instances of a solid habit of affection, growing firmer and more enduring with the passage of years. When she is away on a visit, his heart is heavy for the absence of his dear wife, all things seem melancholy without her, and he is filled with satisfaction at her return. When she is ill, suddenly and violently ill, his anxiety and distress prove to him his great love for her, though, when the crisis is past, his incomparable candor adds, “God forgive me![106] I did find that I was most desirous to take my rest than to ease her, but there was nothing I could do to do her any good with.” When the world goes wrong and life seems nothing but toil and trouble, he turns to her and gets her to comfort him.
The calm light of married life dulls these intense feelings quite a bit. It has happened in other cases too. The constant pressure of bills and debts, the stress of running a household, a poorly cooked dinner, a dusty study—none of these might break the foundation of love, but they do slightly tarnish its freshness and happiness. However, even if the husband is no longer “almost sick” from the lover’s passionate longing, there are many examples of a solid love that grows stronger and more lasting over the years. When she’s away visiting someone, he feels a heavy heart from missing his dear wife; everything seems gloomy without her, and he feels a deep joy when she returns. When she suddenly becomes very ill, his worry and distress reveal his deep love for her, although, once the crisis is over, his honesty admits, “God forgive me![106] I realized I wanted to rest more than to help her, but there was nothing I could really do for her.” When the world feels wrong and life seems like nothing but hard work and trouble, he turns to her for comfort.
It is true that that relentless Diary has scenes as painful as they are curious, scenes in which the estimable naval secretary and friend of Newton and Evelyn comports himself after a fashion that would be disgraceful in any station of life. There are outbursts of jealousy and fits of temper, kickings of furniture and trinkets smashed in spite, abuse, blows, and nose and ear pullings of intolerable indignity. The fault is confessed and temporarily forgotten, “Last night I was very angry, and do think I did give her as much cause to be angry with me.” Then, some wretched trifle, an ill-timed visit, a shilling mis-spent, a foolish fashion followed, sets all awry again. I do not know where in literature to find a fiercer or more cutting scene of domestic infelicity than that of the tearing of the old love letters. Mrs. Pepys had written a remonstrance as to some phases of ill-treatment. “She now read it, and it was so piquant, and wrote in English, and most of it true, of the retiredness of her life, and how unpleasant it was; that being wrote in English, and so in danger of being met with and read by others, I was vexed at it, and desired her and then commanded her to tear it: when she desired to be excused, I forced it from her, and tore it, and withal took her other bundle of papers from her.... I pulled them out one by one and tore them all before her face, though it went against my[107] heart to do it, she crying and desiring me not to do it, but such was my passion and trouble to see the letters of my love to her ... to be joyned with a paper of so much disgrace to me and dishonour, if it should have been found by anybody.”
It’s true that that relentless Diary has moments as painful as they are intriguing, moments where the respected naval secretary and friend of Newton and Evelyn behaves in a way that would be shameful in any situation. There are outbursts of jealousy and temper tantrums, kicking furniture and smashing trinkets out of spite, verbal abuse, physical blows, and pulling of noses and ears in an unacceptable display of indignity. The wrongdoing is acknowledged and then quickly ignored: “Last night I was very angry, and I really think I gave her plenty of reasons to be mad at me.” Then, some petty issue—a poorly timed visit, a wasted shilling, following a silly trend—throws everything back into chaos. I don’t know where in literature you could find a harsher or more cutting instance of domestic unhappiness than that of tearing apart old love letters. Mrs. Pepys had written a complaint about some aspects of poor treatment. “She read it to me, and it was so sharp, written in English, and most of it true, about how isolated her life was and how unpleasant it had become; since it was written in English, and could easily be seen and read by others, it annoyed me, and I asked her, then ordered her, to tear it up: when she asked to be excused, I took it from her and tore it up, and also snatched her other bundle of papers away from her.... I pulled them out one by one and tore them all in front of her, even though it really hurt me to do it, while she cried and begged me not to, but my rage and distress at seeing my love letters to her ... mixed with a paper that brought me so much shame and dishonor if anyone had ever found it.”
Things like this, one would say, could never be forgotten. Yet they are. “After winter comes summer,” says the “Imitation,” “after the night the day, and after a storm a great calm.” Great calms came in the Pepys family also. “I home, and to writing, and heare my boy play on the lute, and a turne with my wife pleasantly in the garden by moonshine, my heart being in great peace, and so home to supper and to bed.” Truly, life is made up of delightful—and pitiful—contrasts.
Things like this, you would think, could never be forgotten. Yet they are. “After winter comes summer,” says the “Imitation,” “after the night the day, and after a storm a great calm.” Great calms also came in the Pepys family. “I went home, did some writing, and listened to my boy play the lute, then had a nice time with my wife in the garden by moonlight, my heart feeling very peaceful, and then home for dinner and to bed.” Truly, life is filled with delightful—and pitiful—contrasts.
The worst domestic troubles of the Pepyses were caused by the husband’s extreme susceptibility to feminine charm. “A strange slavery that I stand in to beauty,” he remarks, with that pleased amazement at himself which makes him so attractive.
The worst domestic issues for the Pepyses came from the husband’s deep vulnerability to female allure. “I’m in a weird kind of bondage to beauty,” he notes, with that self-satisfied wonder about himself that makes him so appealing.
The detail of these infatuations—how they were mildly resisted at first, and how they grew and developed to an extent hardly possible for such a man in a less scandalous age, how they were indulged, and then repented, and again indulged, and again repented—belongs to the history of Mr. Pepys—and of human nature. Mrs. Pepys knew little of them, though she divined much.
The specifics of these crushes—how they were initially met with some reluctance, and how they grew and evolved in a way nearly unimaginable for someone like him in a less scandalous time, how they were indulged, then regretted, and then indulged again, followed by more regret—are part of Mr. Pepys's story—and of human nature. Mrs. Pepys was mostly unaware of them, although she sensed a lot.
What does concern her is the very instructive fashion in which she gradually gained power over her husband by his infidelities themselves. She knew well that he[108] loved her at heart. At any rate, she knew that he was tied to her by bonds of habit and circumstance which a man of his temperament could never shake off. Therefore, by the aid of jealousy and tears and scenes she learned that she could in time mould him to almost anything she wished. This experience begins with outsiders, with Mrs. Pierce and Mrs. Knipp. A little well-placed anger—certainly not feigned—was found to accomplish wonders. “Which is pretty to see how my wife is come to convention with me, that whatever I do give to anybody else, I shall give her as much, which I am not much displeased with.” By the time the crisis of the maid, Deb Willett, had arrived, Mrs. Pepys had become past-mistress in the art of working on her husband’s sensibilities. Note that I do not mean that this was a coldly deliberate process; simply, that all the instinct of her outraged affection concentrated itself on energetic means of overcoming this foolish and recalcitrant male, and triumphed magnificently. Deb is wooed and forsaken and wooed again and banished. The man’s will is bent, and bent, and bent, till he comes right square down upon his knees: “Therefore I do, by the grace of God, promise never to offend her more, and did this night begin to pray to God upon my knees alone in my chamber, which God knows I cannot yet do heartily; but I hope God will give me the grace more and more every day to fear Him, and to be true to my poor wife.”
What concerns her is the very instructive way in which she gradually gained power over her husband through his infidelities. She understood that deep down he loved her. At any rate, she knew he was tied to her by habits and circumstances he could never escape. Thus, with a little jealousy, tears, and dramatic outbursts, she realized that she could eventually shape him into almost anything she wanted. This experience starts with others, like Mrs. Pierce and Mrs. Knipp. A little well-timed anger—definitely not fake—worked wonders. “It’s amusing to see how my wife has agreed with me that whatever I give to others, I’ll give her just as much, which I’m not really upset about.” By the time the situation with the maid, Deb Willett, reached a climax, Mrs. Pepys had become a master at tapping into her husband’s emotions. It’s important to note that this wasn’t a cold, calculated process; rather, all the instinct of her hurt affection focused on actively overcoming this foolish and stubborn man, and she triumphed brilliantly. Deb is pursued, abandoned, pursued again, and then sent away. The man’s will is bent again and again until he finally kneels down: “Therefore I do, by the grace of God, promise never to offend her again, and I began tonight to pray to God on my knees alone in my room, which God knows I can’t yet do sincerely; but I hope God will give me the grace, more and more each day, to fear Him and to be true to my poor wife.”
So, after we have known her for nine years in the closest intimacy, she steps out from us into great night. A few months later, still a young woman, she died; but she dies for us with the last line of her husband’s imperishable record. In that record it may be said, in a certain sense, that she is shown at the greatest possible disadvantage, as we may in part realize, if we consider what a similar record would have been, kept by herself. Yet even seen as her husband reports her, we feel that she had, with much of a woman’s weakness, much also of a woman’s charm.
So, after knowing her for nine years in the closest way, she stepped away from us into the deep unknown. A few months later, still a young woman, she passed away; but she remains with us in the final line of her husband's timeless account. In that account, it could be said, in a certain way, that she appears at a significant disadvantage, as we might understand if we think about what a similar account would have been if she had written it herself. Yet even as her husband describes her, we sense that she had, along with many of a woman’s weaknesses, also a lot of a woman’s charm.
CHRONOLOGY
- Marie de Rabutin-Chantal.
- Born 1626.
- Married Marquis de Sévigné 1644.
- Husband died 1651.
- Died 1696.

Madame de Sévigné
Madam de Sévigné
VI
MADAME DE SÉVIGNÉ
Merely as a literary figure, as a writer, Madame de Sévigné amply justifies her claim to celebrity in the greatest age of French letters. As a mistress of style she is the worthy contemporary of Molière, Corneille, Pascal, and La Fontaine.
Merely as a literary figure, as a writer, Madame de Sévigné fully deserves her status as a celebrity in the greatest era of French literature. As a master of style, she is the worthy contemporary of Molière, Corneille, Pascal, and La Fontaine.
Yet she wrote only letters and wrote those letters as naturally as she talked. Just before her came Balzac and Voiture, who wrote epistles, after the fashion of Pliny and James Howell. Now, Madame de Sévigné knows that she writes well and takes pride in it, just as Cicero did; but like him, she knows that letters, to be of any interest, must be sincere, must be written for matter, not manner. Hers flow from her heart direct, as she says; they pour forth all the passion, the curiosity, the laughter of the moment. Often she does not even reread them before sending. The far-fetched felicities of a laborious writer fill her with disgust. Of the style of one such she writes, “It is insupportable to me. I had rather be coarse than be like her. She drives me to forget delicacy, refinement, and politeness, for fear of falling into her juggler’s tricks. Now isn’t it sad to become just a mere peasant?”
Yet she wrote only letters and wrote those letters as naturally as she spoke. Just before her came Balzac and Voiture, who wrote letters in the style of Pliny and James Howell. Now, Madame de Sévigné knows she writes well and takes pride in it, just like Cicero did; but like him, she understands that letters, to be interesting, must be sincere and should focus on content, not style. Hers flow straight from her heart, as she puts it; they express all the emotion, curiosity, and laughter of the moment. Often she doesn’t even reread them before sending. The forced elegance of a pretentious writer disgusts her. About one such writer, she says, “It is unbearable to me. I’d rather be rough than be like her. She makes me forget delicacy, refinement, and politeness, for fear of falling into her sleight-of-hand tricks. Now isn’t it sad to become just a mere peasant?”
Peasant or not, she makes the whole wide world of the French seventeenth century live in her letters, as does Saint-Simon, in his Memoirs, somewhat later; and[114] in Madame de Sévigné it lives more vividly, if in Saint-Simon more profoundly. The great affairs of princes and their petty humanness, the splendor of war and its hideous cruelty, intrigues of courtiers, intrigues of lovers, new books, new plays, new prayers, fashion, folly, tears, and laughter, all mingle in her pages and help us understand to-day and to-morrow by their deep and startling similitude with yesterday. As “human documents” these letters have rarely been surpassed.
Peasant or not, she brings the entire French seventeenth century to life in her letters, just like Saint-Simon does in his Memoirs a bit later; and in Madame de Sévigné, it feels more vivid, while in Saint-Simon it’s more profound. The major concerns of princes and their petty human flaws, the glory of war and its brutal reality, the scheming of courtiers, the intrigues of lovers, new books, new plays, new prayers, fashion, foolishness, tears, and laughter all blend together in her writing and help us understand today and tomorrow through their deep and striking similarities with the past. As “human documents,” these letters are rarely matched.
But the most interesting thing in her letters is her soul, and she lays bare every fold and fibre of it, without the slightest bravado of self-revelation, but also without any attempt at reserve or concealment. She defies our minutest curiosity, because she could.
But the most interesting thing in her letters is her soul, and she reveals every layer and detail of it, without any showiness or pretense, but also without holding back or hiding anything. She challenges our deepest curiosity, simply because she can.
Above all, she was a healthy, normal temperament, with all the elements delightfully blended, a rich, human creature of balance and sanity. She knew well that life is of a mingled yarn, at its best not free from bitterness. She knew well what passion is, what grief is. This is just what makes her so rounded and so human. But, in most things, she held a sure rein and kept her heart in reasonable harmony with her intelligence.
Above all, she had a healthy, normal temperament, with all the elements beautifully combined, a vibrant, grounded person full of balance and common sense. She understood that life is a mix of different experiences, not without its challenges. She knew what passion and grief feel like. This is exactly what makes her so well-rounded and relatable. However, in most situations, she maintained control and kept her emotions in reasonable alignment with her intellect.
As a practical manager she was admirable. Her husband, who fortunately died early, was a spendthrift. So was her son, and her daughter not much better. But the wife and mother knew the excellent utility of money, watched carefully her great estate, scolded her agents, spent largely when she could, and when she could not, went without. She accuses herself of avarice, as the avaricious never do. But we know that she was prudent, and forethoughtful, and discreet.
As a practical manager, she was impressive. Her husband, who thankfully died young, was a big spender. Her son was the same, and her daughter wasn't much different. But the wife and mother understood the valuable role of money, closely monitored her large estate, reprimanded her agents, spent generously when she could, and when she couldn’t, made do without. She blames herself for being greedy, unlike those who are truly greedy. But we know she was careful, forward-thinking, and wise.
I am sure, also, that she was perfect mistress of her household. But it is a strange thing that a woman, writing a thousand of the frankest long letters, should say scarcely a word about her servants. Could you imitate her, madam? And do you not agree with me that it is an indication of strong sense and native tact?
I’m sure she managed her household perfectly. But isn’t it odd that a woman who wrote a thousand open and honest letters barely mentioned her servants? Could you do the same, madam? Don’t you think that shows she has a lot of common sense and natural skill?
Let us trace further the charming many-sidedness of this beautifully rounded character. She was a Parisian, a child of brick and mortar, her ears well tuned to the hubbub of city streets, yet she loved the country, not for hasty week-ends of dress and gossip, but for its real quiet and solitude. She felt its melancholy. “In these woods reveries sometimes fall upon me so black that I come out of them as if I had had a touch of fever.” And when she rambles under the shade of melancholy boughs, with Madame de La Fayette and La Rochefoucauld, whose company one would not have supposed exhilarating, their conversations are “so dismal that you would think there was nothing else to do but bury us.” Yet the quick, sweet reaction of her sunny temper shows in the very next sentence. “Madame de La Fayette’s garden is the loveliest thing in the world. It is all flowers, all sweetness.”
Let’s explore further the charming complexity of this well-rounded character. She was a Parisian, shaped by the city, with ears finely attuned to the noise of urban life, yet she loved the countryside, not for quick weekends filled with fashion and gossip, but for its genuine peace and solitude. She felt its sadness. “In these woods, I sometimes have such deep daydreams that I come out of them as if I’ve had a fever.” And when she strolls under the shade of sorrowful branches, accompanied by Madame de La Fayette and La Rochefoucauld, whose company you might not expect to be uplifting, their conversations are “so depressing that you’d think the only thing left to do is bury us.” Yet, the lively, sweet response of her cheerful spirit shines through in the very next sentence. “Madame de La Fayette’s garden is the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s all flowers, all sweetness.”
She herself assures her friends that they need not fear that country solitude will bore her and make her morbid. “Except for pangs of heart, against which I am too weak, there is nothing to pity me for. I am naturally happy and get on with everything and am amused with everything.” So, if the song of a nightingale could fill her eyes with tears, in another instant, like the merry Phædria, she could “laugh at shaking of[116] the leaves light.” It is she who invented that exquisite spring phrase, “the singing woods,” she who calls herself “lonely as a violet, easy to be hid,” she who knows the love of mute insensate things, “I understand better than any one in the world the sort of attachment one has for inanimate objects.” How fresh and charming is the picture of her wading in the morning dew up to her knees to take an eager survey of her open-air possessions.
She assures her friends that they don’t need to worry about country solitude boring her or making her gloomy. “Other than a few heartaches, which I'm too weak to handle, there's really nothing to feel sorry for me about. I'm naturally happy, I get along with everything, and I find amusement in everything.” So, while the song of a nightingale might bring tears to her eyes, in another moment, like the cheerful Phædria, she could “laugh at the shaking of the leaves gently.” It’s she who came up with the beautiful spring phrase, “the singing woods,” she who describes herself as “lonely as a violet, easy to hide,” and she who understands the love for inanimate objects: “I understand better than anyone in the world the kind of attachment one has for lifeless things.” How fresh and charming is the image of her wading through the morning dew up to her knees, eagerly surveying her outdoor possessions.
With that other joy of solitude, books, she is as engaging and as frank as with the natural world. It would be absurd to think of her as a pedant, or a blue-stocking. Any call of the normal feminine pursuits of life found her quickly and readily responsive, her best books cast into a corner, forgotten. Yet she did love them. “When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it.” She can pass long hours wholly absorbed in new authors, or old ones. Her comments on the great French literature that was springing up about her are always fresh, shrewd, and suggestive. Of Racine’s religious plays she says, “Racine has outdone himself; he loves God as he loved his mistresses; he enters into sacred things as he did into profane.” La Fontaine she prized as one born under the same planet. He was gay like her, tender like her, loved the birds and flowers like her, and like her, kept his tears in the closest contact with his laughter. I feel a certain yearning in the words with which she socially condemns the wayward poet. “You can only thank God for such a man and pray to have nothing to do with him.”
With that other joy of solitude, books, she is as charming and as open as she is with the natural world. It would be ridiculous to see her as a know-it-all or a bookworm. Any invitation to engage in regular feminine activities found her quickly and eagerly responsive, with her favorite books tossed into a corner, forgotten. Still, she truly loved them. “When I walk into this library, I can't understand why I ever leave it.” She can spend long hours completely absorbed in new authors or old classics. Her thoughts on the great French literature emerging around her are always fresh, insightful, and thought-provoking. About Racine’s religious plays, she remarks, “Racine has surpassed himself; he loves God as he loved his mistresses; he approaches sacred topics with the same passion he did the secular.” She held La Fontaine in high regard as someone born under the same star. He was cheerful like her, tender like her, loved birds and flowers like her, and like her, kept his tears closely linked to his laughter. I sense a certain longing in her words as she socially criticizes the wayward poet. “You can only thank God for such a man and pray to have nothing to do with him.”
But novels, novels! Assuredly no one ever loved them more than Madame de Sévigné, those interminable ten-volume romances of chivalry and sentiment which she pored over, as later generations pored over Richardson, or Scott, or Dumas, or Victor Hugo. No one has ever expressed more vivaciously than she the fascination we feel in these books, even when our cooler judgment laughs at them: “The style of La Calprenède is wretched in a thousand places: the swelling romantic phrases, the ill-assorted words, I feel them all. I admit that such language is detestable, and all the time the book holds me like glue. The beauty of the sentiments, the violence of the passions, the great scale of the incidents, and the miraculous success of the hero’s redoubtable sword—it sweeps me away as if I were a girl again.”
But novels, novels! No one loved them more than Madame de Sévigné, those never-ending ten-volume romances filled with chivalry and emotion that she engrossed herself in, just like later generations did with Richardson, Scott, Dumas, or Victor Hugo. No one has ever conveyed more vividly than she the allure we feel for these books, even when our more rational minds find them amusing: “The style of La Calprenède is terrible in so many places: the overblown romantic phrases, the mismatched words, I notice them all. I admit that such language is awful, yet the book captivates me like glue. The beauty of the emotions, the intensity of the passions, the dramatic scale of the events, and the incredible feats of the hero’s formidable sword—it sweeps me away as if I were a girl again.”
Yet though she could make such rich and ample use of the resources of nature and books in solitude, she was the last person in the world to shrink from human society. As a friend she was exquisite. She practised friendship widely, yet discreetly, as one of the most delicious arts of life. “I am nice in my friendships and it is a business in which I am sufficiently expert.” She recognized those whom she felt to be akin to her, even when she knew them but by hearsay, and she mourns over the death of a friend’s friend because she loved her, though, she says, “only by reverberation.”
Yet even though she could fully enjoy the wealth of nature and books while alone, she was the last person to avoid human interaction. As a friend, she was extraordinary. She engaged in friendships widely but with careful discretion, seeing it as one of the most delightful arts of life. “I take great care in my friendships, and I’m quite skilled at it.” She recognized those she felt connected to, even if she only knew them through others, and she grieved for the death of a friend’s friend because she loved her, even if, as she put it, “only by echoes.”
She had friends of both sexes and all kinds. She was devoted alike to the magnificent Fouquet, the gay, volatile, and malicious Bussy, the brilliant, ardent Retz, the cynical La Rochefoucauld, the wise and quiet[118] scholar, Corbinelli. It is difficult to say whether she loved most the grave, thoughtful, sentimental Madame de La Fayette, or Madame de Coulanges with whom she could play the lightest, daintiest sort of epistolary battledore and shuttlecock. So souls were honest and right-minded and of stuff to knit loyally with hers, they were all acceptable to her.
She had friends of all genders and all sorts. She was devoted to the impressive Fouquet, the lively, unpredictable, and mischievous Bussy, the brilliant and passionate Retz, the cynical La Rochefoucauld, and the wise, quiet scholar, Corbinelli. It’s hard to say whether she loved the serious, thoughtful, sentimental Madame de La Fayette more, or Madame de Coulanges, with whom she could engage in the lightest, most delicate kind of letter-writing games. As long as their souls were honest, good-minded, and compatible with hers, she welcomed them all.
For she was beautifully, nobly, femininely loyal in all these different friendships. Perhaps the best known of her letters are those in which she relates the trial of Fouquet on charges of maladministration in his great financial office. With what passionate eagerness does she narrate every detail from day to day, the judges’ malevolence (as she views it), the varying testimony, the gradual approach of doom, and above all, the lofty, admirable bearing of the accused! With what indignant grief does she resent and resist—in spirit—the conviction and the punishment. And in lesser troubles she has the same firm fidelity. Contagious illness, what is that in a matter of friendship? “I feel about infections as you do about precipices, there are people with whom I have no fear of them.” Disagreements, controversies, quarrels?—
For she was beautifully, nobly, and femininely loyal in all these different friendships. Perhaps the best-known of her letters are the ones in which she describes the trial of Fouquet on charges of mismanagement in his significant financial position. With what passionate eagerness does she recount every detail from day to day: the judges' malevolence (as she sees it), the varying testimonies, the gradual approach of doom, and especially, the noble, admirable demeanor of the accused! With what indignant grief does she resist—spiritually—the conviction and the punishment. And in smaller troubles, she shows the same steadfast loyalty. Contagious illness? What does that matter when it comes to friendship? “I feel about infections the way you do about cliffs; there are people with whom I don’t feel afraid of them.” Disagreements, controversies, quarrels?—
“In our family,” she says, of one such, “we do not lose affection. The bonds may stretch, but they never break.” And again, when she is hurt by coldness and indifference, she protests, “Ah, how easy it really is to live with me! A little gentleness, a little social impulse, a little confidence, even superficial, will lead me such a[119] long way. I do believe that no one is more responsive than I in the daily intercourse of life.”
“In our family,” she says about one of those moments, “we don’t lose affection. The bonds might stretch, but they never break.” And again, when she feels hurt by coldness and indifference, she says, “Ah, how easy it is to live with me! A little kindness, a little friendliness, a little trust—even if it’s just surface level—will take me a[119] long way. I really believe no one is more responsive than I am in everyday interactions.”
Yet, though she had many friends and loved them, it must not be supposed that she was love-blinded or without keen insight into folly and weakness. She was a careful observer of the facts of human nature, and could say with Pepys, whom she resembles in some points, not in others, “I confess that I am in all things curious.” Indeed, she herself remarks of one who had died in a rather unusual manner, “I perfectly understand your desire to see her. I should like to have been there myself. I love everything that is out of the common.” And a sympathetic acquaintance writes, after Madame de Sévigné’s own death: “You appear to have the taste of your late friend, who yearned for details and baptized them as ‘the style of friendship.’”
Yet, even though she had many friends and cared for them, it shouldn't be assumed that she was blinded by love or lacked a sharp insight into foolishness and weakness. She was a keen observer of human nature and could echo Pepys, who she resembles in some ways but not in others, saying, “I admit that I’m curious about everything.” In fact, she commented on one person who died in a rather unusual way, “I totally get why you want to see her. I wish I could have been there too. I love anything that's out of the ordinary.” And a sympathetic friend wrote after Madame de Sévigné’s death: “You seem to share the taste of your late friend, who craved details and called them ‘the style of friendship.’”
One who looked so closely into souls, and especially one who was a near friend of La Rochefoucauld, could not escape some harsh conclusions, could not avoid seeing that all is not love that speaks kindly, nor all honor that pranks itself in stately phrase. Madame de Sévigné had her moments when she lost faith in humanity, moments of despair, moments of still more melancholy mocking. When she is most touched with the spirit of her cynical associate, she writes, “We like so much to hear people talk of us and of our motives, that we are charmed even when they abuse us.” And again, “The desire to be singular and to astonish by ways out of the common seems to me to be the source of many virtues.” One day, when she was especially out of sorts, she let her quick wit amuse itself[120] imagining what it would be to take the roof off of too many households that she knew and see inside the hate, the jealousy, the bickering, the pettiness that are veiled so carefully under the decorous fashions of the world.
One who looked so closely into souls, especially someone who was a close friend of La Rochefoucauld, couldn’t avoid coming to some harsh conclusions. They couldn’t help noticing that not all kind words come from love, nor is all honor truly honorable just because it sounds impressive. Madame de Sévigné had her moments when she lost faith in humanity, moments of despair, and even moments of bitter mockery. When she felt most influenced by the cynical perspective of her friend, she wrote, “We love to hear people talk about us and our motives so much that we are even pleased when they criticize us.” And again, “The desire to be unique and to astonish by being different seems to be the source of many virtues.” One day, when she was particularly in a bad mood, she let her sharp wit have some fun imagining what it would be like to take the roofs off too many homes she knew and see the hate, jealousy, bickering, and pettiness hidden so carefully beneath the polished appearances of society.[120]
Nevertheless, it would be wholly unjust to class her with La Rochefoucauld or with any one who was a cynic by permanent habit of thought. She observed men and women because she loved them. She knew that their faults were her faults and that what was good in her was to be found in them also. In no one is more obvious and unfailing the large spirit of tolerance and charity so exquisitely expressed by old Fagon, physician to King Louis the Fourteenth, “Il faut beaucoup pardonner à la nature.” It is true that her native spirit of merriment cannot resist a good joke, however it comes. “Friendship,” she says, “bids us be indignant with those who speak against our friends; but it does not forbid us to be amused when they speak wittily.” Yet she had always and everywhere that deepest and most essential element of human kindness, the faculty of putting herself in another’s place, and her sense of the laughable in trivial misfortunes was not so keen as her ready and active sympathy in great.
Nevertheless, it would be completely unfair to compare her to La Rochefoucauld or anyone who was a cynic by nature. She observed men and women because she genuinely loved them. She understood that their flaws were also her flaws and that the goodness in her was present in them too. No one embodies the spirit of tolerance and charity expressed so beautifully by old Fagon, physician to King Louis the Fourteenth, “Il faut beaucoup pardonner à la nature,” more clearly and consistently than she does. It’s true that her natural sense of humor can't resist a good joke, no matter how it’s delivered. “Friendship,” she says, “calls for us to be upset with those who speak ill of our friends; but it doesn’t stop us from being entertained when they speak cleverly.” Yet she always had that fundamental aspect of human kindness, the ability to see things from another's perspective, and her ability to find humor in minor misfortunes was not as sharp as her quick and active sympathy in significant matters.
Therefore she was popular and widely beloved and largely sought after. In her youth and even in her later maturity she was beautiful. Precisely because her beauty was less of the features than of the expression, it lasted longer than mere pink cheeks and delicate contours. Her soul laughed in her eyes and her merry and fortunate thoughts spoke as much in her gestures[121] and the carriage of her body as in the quick grace of her Parisian tongue. And though no human being was less vain, she no doubt knew her charm, and prized it, and cultivated it in all due and proper ways. “There is nothing so lovely as to be beautiful. Beauty is a gift of God and we should cherish it as such.”
Therefore, she was popular, well-loved, and highly sought after. In her youth and even as she got older, she was beautiful. Because her beauty came more from her expression than her features, it lasted longer than just rosy cheeks and delicate shapes. Her soul shone through her eyes, and her joyful and fortunate thoughts expressed themselves just as much in her gestures and body language as in the fluidity of her Parisian accent. And although no one was less vain than she was, she surely recognized her charm, appreciated it, and nurtured it in all the right ways. “There is nothing so lovely as being beautiful. Beauty is a gift from God, and we should treasure it as such.”
Delicious is the word her friends most often use of her. “Your letters are delicious and so are you,” writes one of them. “She was delicious to live with,” said another. And her son-in-law, with whom she had sharp spats at times, yet declared that “delicious” was the true name for her society.
Delicious is the word her friends use most often to describe her. “Your letters are delicious, and so are you,” writes one of them. “She was a delight to live with,” said another. And her son-in-law, with whom she occasionally had heated arguments, still claimed that “delicious” was the perfect word for her company.
The fact is, she loved to be with men and women, and therefore they loved to be with her. Being flesh and blood, she sometimes tired of the invitations and festivities that were thrust upon her. There were receptions and entertainments without end, court functions and private functions. “I wish with all my soul I were out of here where they honor me too much. I am hungry for privation and silence.” And again, when the courtesies rained as thickly as blossoms in May, and tired nerves rebelled against late eating sauced with interminable chatter, “When, when can I die of hunger and keep still?” Also, being a creature of petulant wit, she could not fail occasionally to find average humanity—that is, you and me—somewhat tedious.
The truth is, she loved being around both men and women, and because of that, they loved being around her. Being human, she sometimes got tired of the endless invitations and celebrations. There were receptions and parties non-stop, both at court and privately. “I wish with all my heart I could escape this place where they spoil me too much. I crave some hardship and quiet.” And again, when the compliments poured in like flowers in May, and her exhausted nerves fought against late-night meals filled with endless chatter, “When, when can I just go hungry and have some peace?” Plus, being someone with a sharp sense of humor, she occasionally found ordinary people—that is, you and me—somewhat annoying.
Yet she makes the best, even of such tediousness, in her kindly, human way, and turns it into gentle pleasantry. After all, she argues, it is much better to mix with bad company than good. Why? Because when the bad leaves you, you are not a bit sorry. But parting[122] with those whose society is delightful leaves you utterly at a loss how to resume the common life of every day. Does not this last touch of hers recall many a poignant minute of your own? This is what makes Madame de Sévigné so charming, that in giving perfect expression to every shade of her feeling she is finding immortal utterance for your feelings and for mine. “Sometimes I am seized with the fancy to cry at a great ball, and sometimes I give way to my fancy, without any one’s ever knowing it.”
Yet she makes the best of even the most boring situations in her kind and human way, turning it into light-hearted fun. After all, she argues, it's much better to hang out with bad company than good. Why? Because when the bad company leaves, you don't feel a bit sorry. But when you part with those whose company is delightful, you're completely at a loss about how to get back to everyday life. Doesn't this last point remind you of many emotional moments in your own life? This is what makes Madame de Sévigné so charming; in perfectly expressing every shade of her feelings, she gives a timeless voice to your feelings and mine. “Sometimes I feel an urge to cry at a big ball, and sometimes I give in to that urge without anyone ever knowing.”
Crying or laughing, she went to balls and banquets, and enjoyed them, and described them with the golden glow of her decorative imagination. “I went to the marriage of Mademoiselle de Louvois. What shall I say about it? Magnificence, gorgeousness, all France, garments loaded and slashed with gold, jewels, a blaze of fires and flowers, a jam of coaches, cries in the street, torches flaring, poor folk thrust back and run over; in short, the usual whirlwind of nothing, questions not answered, compliments not meant, civilities addressed to no one in particular, everybody’s feet tangled up in everybody’s train.” And she went home weary and resolved not to go again. And she went again—like all of us.
Crying or laughing, she attended parties and events, enjoying them and describing them with the vibrant flair of her imaginative mind. “I went to the wedding of Mademoiselle de Louvois. What can I say about it? Splendor, extravagance, all of France, outfits adorned and slashed with gold, gems, a blaze of lights and flowers, a crush of carriages, shouts in the street, torches blazing, poor people pushed aside and trampled; in short, the usual chaos of nothingness, unanswered questions, insincere compliments, niceties directed at no one in particular, everyone’s feet tangled in everyone else's train.” She returned home exhausted and vowed not to go again. But she did go again—just like all of us.
It will naturally be asked whether, in an age of too courtly morals, when exact virtue was not always insisted upon, perhaps not even expected, this gay young widow lived within the limits of propriety. It can only be said that the keenest scandal-mongers of the time—and none were ever keener—find no fault with her in this respect. She had passionate lovers of all sorts,[123] princes, generals, statesmen, poets. She laughed with them all, picked the fine flower of their adoration, and went on her way untouched, so far as it appears. What the passions were she knew well, as is shown clearly enough in the wonderful sentence in which she compares them to vipers, which may be bruised and crushed and torn and trampled, and still they move; you may tear their hearts out, and still they move. But for her own, she flourished in spite of them, not perhaps with white innocence, but with royal self-possession.
It will naturally be asked whether, in an age of overly polite morals, when exact virtue was not always required, maybe not even expected, this lively young widow stayed within the boundaries of propriety. It can only be said that the most avid gossipers of the time—and none were ever more eager—find no fault with her in this regard. She had passionate lovers of all sorts, [123] princes, generals, statesmen, poets. She laughed with them all, enjoyed their admiration, and continued on her way apparently untouched. What these passions were, she knew well, as is clearly shown in the remarkable sentence where she compares them to vipers, which may be bruised and crushed and torn and trampled, and still they move; you may rip their hearts out, and still they move. But for her own, she thrived in spite of them, not perhaps with pure innocence, but with regal self-assurance.
And this self-possession was not wholly the outcome of coldness, nor even of balanced sanity. A large amount of spiritual elevation entered into it, a religious fervor which, if not always haunting, is rarely far away. Madame de Sévigné took nice and constant counsel for the welfare of her soul. With all her ample sense of the charm and solace of this world, she was very much alive to the awful immanence of another. Time flies, she says, “and I see it fly with horror, bringing me hideous old age, disease, and death.” Again, “I find death so terrible, that I hate life more because it brings me to it than because of the thorns that strew the path.” She assuages the horror with devout practice. On suitable occasions she resolves to withdraw from the world, pray and fast much, and “practice boredom for the love of God.” She is a faithful and constant reader of the fathers and the moralists. She listens to the great sermons of Bossuet and Bordaloue, and profits, though her shrewd wit is sometimes critical. Above all, she strives for a humble, earnest attitude[124] of submission to the will of God everywhere and always. Without this, she thinks, life would be unbearable. The sense of His presence and of His guidance, the solution of sin and suffering by His all-controlling and all-loving will are never far from her. At moments she even rises to something of the mystic’s joy.
And this calmness wasn’t just a result of being cold or even completely sane. A lot of spiritual uplift played a role, along with a religious passion that, while not always lingering, is rarely far off. Madame de Sévigné sought thoughtful and ongoing guidance for her spiritual well-being. With her deep appreciation for the beauty and comfort of this world, she was equally aware of the terrifying reality of another one. Time flies, she says, “and I see it fly with horror, bringing me ugly old age, sickness, and death.” Again, she states, “I find death so terrifying that I hate life more because it leads me to it rather than because of the thorns that scatter my path.” She eases this fear through religious practice. When the time is right, she resolves to step back from the world, pray, fast a lot, and “embrace boredom for the love of God.” She is a dedicated and consistent reader of religious texts and moral teachings. She listens to the powerful sermons of Bossuet and Bordaloue, and gains insights, though her sharp wit can sometimes be critical. Above all, she seeks a humble and sincere attitude of submission to God’s will at all times. Without this, she believes life would be unbearable. The awareness of His presence and guidance, the resolution of sin and pain through His all-controlling and all-loving will, are never far from her. At times, she even experiences a touch of the mystic's joy.
Yet she was no mystic, but in this aspect of life also a sane and normal woman, and it is delicious, because so human, to see how the pressure of this world returns upon her and crowds out even God. How charming is her naïve report of the verdict of a suggested confessor. “I have seen the Abbé de la Vergne; we talked about my soul; he says that unless he can lock me up, not stir a step from me, take me to and from church himself, and neither let me read, speak, nor hear a single thing, he will have nothing to do with me whatever.” The saints, the saints! She envies them, of course. But they are so dowdy. The sinners are so much more agreeable. And the ways of this world are pleasant, pleasant. Dark thoughts, dark hours will intrude, will overcome us like a summer cloud, and then we get out Pascal or Nicole and hurry to the altar. But who can live on this level long? Yes, she is mean and low and base, she says. When she sees people too happy it fills her with despair, which is not the fashion of a beautiful soul. She is not a beautiful soul, calls herself a soul of mud. How can any prayer, or any religion, or any God save her?
Yet she wasn’t a mystic, just a sane and normal woman in this aspect of life too, and it's delightful, because so human, to see how the pressures of this world bear down on her and push even God out of the picture. How charming is her naïve take on the verdict of a suggested confessor. “I met with the Abbé de la Vergne; we talked about my soul; he says that unless he can keep me locked up, not let me move away from him, personally take me to and from church, and not allow me to read, talk, or hear anything at all, he wants nothing to do with me.” The saints, the saints! Of course, she envies them. But they seem so dull. The sinners are much more appealing. And the ways of this world are enjoyable, enjoyable. Dark thoughts, dark hours will sneak in, overwhelm us like a summer storm, and then we pull out Pascal or Nicole and rush to the altar. But who can maintain this level for long? Yes, she is petty and low and base, she admits. When she sees people way too happy, it fills her with despair, which isn’t the character of a beautiful soul. She’s not a beautiful soul; she calls herself a soul of mud. How can any prayer, any religion, or any God save her?
She has her moments, also, not of defiance, but of question whether it is worth while to make one’s self unhappy. “You must love my weaknesses, my faults,”[125] she says. “For my part I put up with them well enough.” After all, if she is lukewarm, and easy-going, and forgetful, so are others, millions of others. Why should she suffer for it more than they? We practice salvation with the saints, she says, and damnation with the children of this world. “We are not the devil’s,” she says, “because we fear God and because at bottom we have a touch of religion. We are not God’s, either, because His law is hard and we do not wish to do ourselves a damage. This is the state of the lukewarm, and the great number of them does not disturb me. I enter perfectly into their reasons. At the same time God hates them and they ought to escape from their condition; but this is precisely the difficulty.”
She has her moments too, not of defiance, but of questioning whether it’s worth making herself unhappy. “You must love my weaknesses, my faults,”[125] she says. “As for me, I deal with them well enough.” After all, if she’s indifferent, laid-back, and forgetful, so are countless others. Why should she suffer for it more than they do? We strive for salvation with the saints, she says, and face damnation with the people of this world. “We are not the devil’s,” she says, “because we fear God and, deep down, we have a bit of faith. We’re not God’s either, because His law is strict and we don’t want to hurt ourselves. This is how the indifferent feel, and the fact that there are so many of them doesn’t bother me. I completely understand their reasons. At the same time, God hates them, and they should try to change their situation; but that’s exactly the challenge.”
No one has portrayed more exquisitely than she the pitiful but human lightness of common souls in face of these enormous questions. “My saintly friend sometimes finds me as reasonable and serious as she would have me. And then, a whiff of spring air, a ray of sunshine, sweeps away all the reflections of the twilight gloom.” And it is she who framed the advice, dangerous or precious according to the heart it falls on. “Il faut glisser sur les pensées et ne pas les approfondir.” It is sometimes best to slip over thoughts and not go to the bottom of them.
No one has captured as beautifully as she the sad yet relatable lightness of ordinary people when faced with these huge questions. “My saintly friend sometimes sees me as logical and serious as she wants me to be. And then, a breath of spring air, a ray of sunshine, sweeps away all the shadows of the evening gloom.” And it is she who offered the advice, which can be either risky or valuable depending on the heart it lands on. “Il faut glisser sur les pensées et ne pas les approfondir.” Sometimes it's better to skate over thoughts instead of diving deep into them.
So we have seen Madame de Sévigné to be in every respect a sweetly rounded nature, one of the most so, one of the most sane, normal, human women that have left the record of their souls for the careful study of posterity. Well, in this pure and perfect crystal of balanced common sense and judgment there was one most[126] curious and interesting flaw, the lady’s love for her daughter. Love for her daughter? you repeat. And is not that the most sane and normal of all possible characteristics in a woman?
So we’ve seen that Madame de Sévigné is, in every way, a wonderfully balanced person—one of the sweetest, most sane, and normal women to have shared the depths of her soul for future generations to study. However, within this pure and perfect gem of sound judgment and common sense, there was one very[126] curious and intriguing flaw: her love for her daughter. Love for her daughter? you ask. Isn’t that the most sane and normal characteristic a woman could have?
It ought to be. But in Madame de Sévigné it certainly was not. She had two children, a daughter and a son. The son much resembled her, with some of her good qualities exaggerated into faults. He was gay and kindly; but he was light-headed and careless. Such as he was, his mother loved him with normal affection. She saw his weakness and tried to correct it. But she enjoyed his society, retained his confidence, and could be as merry with him as a summer’s day, witness her inimitable account of his relating to her his comic parting from Ninon de l’Enclos. “He said the maddest things in the world and so did I. It was a scene worthy of Molière.” Then, when he keeps bad company, behaves indiscreetly, and is generally reprehensible, she is aware of it at once and comments in no uncertain terms. “I wish you could see how little merit or beauty it takes to charm my son. His taste is beneath contempt.”
It should be. But in Madame de Sévigné's case, it definitely wasn't. She had two kids, a daughter and a son. The son looked a lot like her, with some of her good traits taken to extremes as flaws. He was cheerful and kind, but also a bit scatterbrained and careless. Despite his shortcomings, his mother cared for him deeply. She recognized his weaknesses and tried to help him improve. Still, she loved spending time with him, kept his trust, and could be as joyful with him as a sunny day, as shown in her unforgettable story about his funny farewell to Ninon de l’Enclos. “He said the craziest things imaginable, and so did I. It was a scene straight out of Molière.” Then, when he hangs out with the wrong crowd, acts recklessly, and generally misbehaves, she notices immediately and doesn't hold back in her criticism. “I wish you could see how little merit or charm it takes to win over my son. His taste is truly pathetic.”
But the daughter, the daughter, Madame de Grignan, she is a paragon, a miracle of nature, above admiration, and without defect. The bulk of Madame de Sévigné’s correspondence is written to her, and what is much worse, it is written about her, page after page of advice, of anxiety, of adoration, until even dear lovers of the mother, like Fitzgerald, feel that, in her own vivid phrase, they have had “an indigestion of Grignans.”
But the daughter, the daughter, Madame de Grignan, she is a perfect example, a miracle of nature, deserving of admiration, and without flaw. Most of Madame de Sévigné's letters are written to her, and what's even more excessive, they are written about her, page after page of advice, worry, and adoration, until even the mother’s dear admirers, like Fitzgerald, feel that, in her own lively words, they have experienced “an overload of Grignans.”
But this feeling of boredom vanishes as soon as you see that you are confronted with a psychological problem. For Madame de Sévigné’s attitude, her language, are not that of a normal, not even of a passionately affectionate, mother. Her feeling in this case is an obsession, a real mania, like a girl’s or a grown woman’s genuine love affair. She cannot be happy one moment away from the object of her devotion. She thinks of her daily, nightly, dreams of her, in everything is anxious to please her or sick to think she has not pleased her. She seeks solitude because there she can dream more freely of this beloved daughter of hers. And the chief charm of society is that some one may inquire about Madame de Grignan’s health and venture a compliment which the eager listener can set down and pass on. Like a lover of twenty, she suggests that she and her beloved are looking at the moon at the same time. “You alone,” she writes, in the ardor of her passion, “can make the joy or the sorrow of my life. I know nothing but you, and beyond you everything is nothing to me.” Over and over again she repeats that she wishes she loved God as she loves this bit of herself, this thing of mortal, but exquisite fragility. Now this is not quite the love of a common sane and normal mother, is it?
But this feeling of boredom disappears as soon as you realize you’re dealing with a psychological issue. Madame de Sévigné’s attitude and her language aren’t those of a typical, even a deeply loving, mother. Her feelings in this situation are obsessive, almost like a teenage girl’s or a woman's intense love affair. She can’t be happy even for a moment away from the object of her devotion. She thinks about her every day and night, dreams of her, and is anxious to please her or distressed at the thought of not having pleased her. She seeks solitude because that’s where she can dream more freely about her beloved daughter. The main appeal of socializing is that someone might ask about Madame de Grignan’s health and offer a compliment that the eager listener can cherish and share. Like a lovesick twenty-year-old, she implies that she and her beloved are both gazing at the moon at the same time. “You alone,” she writes, with the fervor of her passion, “can bring joy or sorrow to my life. I know nothing but you, and everything beyond you means nothing to me.” Again and again, she says she wishes she loved God as much as she loves this part of herself, this being of fragile but exquisite mortality. Now, this isn’t exactly the love of a common, sane, and normal mother, is it?
And the daughter, did she deserve it? Some think not. She was beautiful. And she was a scholar, a pupil of Descartes, a reader of philosophies and critic of literature, who looked down a little on her mother’s naïve and extremely personal judgments. She was a wit, also,—wrote what she thought fine letters. They[128] seem to us a little stilted, as the one she sent to Moulceau after her mother’s death. And some say she was haughty, without her mother’s broad sympathy, and even high-tempered and quarrelsome.
And did the daughter deserve it? Some think not. She was beautiful. She was also a scholar, a student of Descartes, a reader of philosophies and a critic of literature, who looked down a bit on her mother’s naive and very personal opinions. She had a sharp wit and wrote what she considered fine letters. They[128] seem a bit pretentious to us, like the one she sent to Moulceau after her mother’s death. Some say she was snobbish, lacking her mother’s wide-ranging sympathy, and even hot-tempered and argumentative.
But all these flaws were nothing to the mother lover. It is, indeed, pretty to observe how, being the keenest sighted of women, she occasionally sees things that she will not see. Thus, she writes of her daughter’s boasted style, “It is perfect. All you have to do is to keep it as it is and not try to improve it.” Or of her attitude towards herself. “Somebody said the other day that, with all the tender affection you have for me, you don’t get as much out of my society as you might, that you do not appreciate what I am worth, even as regards you.”
But all these flaws didn't matter to the mother lover. It's interesting to notice how, despite being the most observant of women, she sometimes ignores what she sees. For example, she writes about her daughter's claimed style, “It's perfect. All you need to do is maintain it as it is and not try to change it.” Or regarding her attitude toward herself: “Someone said the other day that, despite all the love you have for me, you don’t get as much from spending time with me as you could, that you don’t fully appreciate my worth, even when it comes to you.”
For the most part, however, it is a sweet, warm tempest of praise, an indigestion of praise, touchingly at variance with the chilly judgment of those who looked on. Madame de Grignan has not only the choicest of intellects, but the tenderest of hearts. She has a stoical, old Roman virtue which the vulgar may mistake for indifference; but underneath she is so surprisingly sensitive that every precaution is necessary to guard her too delicate nerves from intolerable shock. She thinks loftily, she speaks wittily, and her letters are the quintessence of everything finished and exquisite, so different from the hasty and careless scrawls of this scribbling mother, though, to be sure, good judges have found ours, also, not unworthy of commendation. And some, who do not believe that a love that takes us out of ourselves is the best worth having of all things in[129] this loveless world, may think such a degree of self-deception puerile. It is a little unusual, at any rate.
For the most part, though, it's a sweet, warm whirlwind of praise, an overwhelming amount of it, that stands in stark contrast to the cold opinions of those watching. Madame de Grignan possesses not only a brilliant mind but also a deeply caring heart. She has a stoic, old Roman strength that the ordinary person might mistake for indifference; yet beneath that exterior, she's surprisingly sensitive, requiring every possible measure to protect her delicate nerves from unbearable shock. She thinks deeply, speaks cleverly, and her letters are the essence of everything polished and beautiful, a stark contrast to the rushed and careless notes from this scribbling mother. However, to be fair, some discerning critics have also found our letters commendable. And some who don't think that a love that transports us beyond ourselves is the most valuable in this loveless world might find such a level of self-deception childish. It's definitely a bit unusual, in any case.
Such a love, in a universe of cross accidents and unforeseen contingencies, is always shot through and through with misery. This woman, so poised and tempered in all that concerned herself and the common course of life, dwelt in a cloud of anxiety for what concerned the welfare of her precious daughter. It was worry, worry from morning till night. In far Provence, where the treasure and her husband and children lived, what disasters might not occur, while the sun was shining and wit sparkling in jovial Paris? With the lovely inconsistency of love, the mother declares at one moment that her passion is all joy and the delight of it far, far outweighs the care and trouble, at the next that life is only wretchedness for those who have a great devotion. “The mind should be at peace,” she says; “but the heart debauches it perpetually. Mine is filled full with my daughter.” She frets over great things and little, Madame de Grignan’s children, Madame de Grignan’s debts, Madame de Grignan’s lawsuits, above all over Madame de Grignan’s health. The daughter was, apparently, one of those persons who are never ill and never well. And the doting mother, at five hundred miles distance, is always suggesting drugs, draughts, plasters, poultices, doctors, doctor’s devices, and devices of the devil.
Such a love, in a universe full of unexpected events and surprises, is always laced with misery. This woman, so composed and balanced in everything that concerned her and everyday life, lived in a state of constant anxiety about her precious daughter's well-being. It was worry, worry from morning to night. In far Provence, where her treasure and husband and children lived, what disasters could happen while the sun shone and wit sparkled in cheerful Paris? With the lovely unpredictability of love, the mother claims one moment that her joy is all-consuming and that the delight far outweighs any worries, only to say the next moment that life is nothing but misery for those who have deep devotion. “The mind should be at peace,” she says; “but the heart constantly disrupts it. Mine is completely filled with thoughts of my daughter.” She frets over big and small things—Madame de Grignan’s children, Madame de Grignan’s debts, Madame de Grignan’s legal troubles, especially concerning Madame de Grignan’s health. The daughter seemed to be one of those people who are never truly healthy but never outright ill either. And the affectionate mother, five hundred miles away, is always suggesting medications, remedies, wraps, plasters, doctors, doctor’s advice, and even devilish schemes.
Also, in the rare intervals when they were together, she suggested to the same effect, and in consequence such sojourns were not happy. I know few things more tragic than this vast affection, longing, longing to be[130] with its object, and when they did meet, thwarted, hampered, blighted by that fatal inadequacy of human contact which makes love’s fine fruition a joy not of this transitory world. We have, of course, little record of things actually done or said while the lover and the beloved were together. But we have the piteous cry of the bereaved one when they had felt themselves compelled to part. “Was it a crime for me to be anxious about your health? I saw you perishing before my eyes, and I was not permitted to shed a tear. I was killing you, they said, I was murdering you. I must keep still, if I suffocated. I never knew a more ingenious and cruel torment.” Or again, “In God’s name, child, let us try another visit to reëstablish our reputation. We must be more reasonable, at least you must, and not give them occasion to say, ‘You simply kill one another.’” With what a strangling clutch does she tear at her heart, in the effort to make those adjustments of human passion which can never be perfectly made by flesh and blood. “You speak like one who is even further from me than I thought, who has wholly forgotten me, who no longer understands the measure of my attachment, nor the tenderness of my heart, who knows no longer the devotion I have for her, nor that natural weakness and bent to tears which have been an object of mocking to your philosophic firmness.”
Also, in the rare moments when they were together, she hinted at the same idea, and as a result, those visits were not happy. I know few things more tragic than this deep affection, a longing to be with its object, and when they did meet, they were blocked, held back, and ruined by that painful inadequacy of human connection that makes love's true fulfillment a joy not of this temporary world. We have, of course, little record of what was actually done or said while the lover and the beloved were together. But we have the heart-wrenching cry of the one left behind when they felt they had to part. “Was it a crime for me to care about your health? I saw you fading before my eyes, and I wasn’t allowed to shed a tear. They said I was killing you, I was murdering you. I had to stay silent, even if it choked me. I’ve never known a more clever and cruel torture.” Or again, “For God’s sake, child, let’s try to visit again to restore our reputation. We must be more reasonable, at least you must, and not give them a reason to say, ‘You simply kill one another.’” With what a suffocating grip does she claw at her heart, trying to make those adjustments of human passion that can never be perfectly accomplished by flesh and blood. “You speak like someone who is even further away from me than I thought, who has completely forgotten me, who no longer understands how much I care, nor the tenderness in my heart, who no longer knows the devotion I have for her, nor that natural weakness and inclination to tears that have been a target of your philosophical strength.”
But it makes no difference. In spite of presence, or absence, or indifference, the old wound keeps still and always fresh and bleeding. Still, still the longing heart cries out for what it needs, even if it can never obtain it.[131] “How is it that my whole life turns on one sole thought and everything else appears to me to be nothing?” Only God can comfort her. “Everything must be given up for God, and I will do it, and will only wonder at His ways, who, when all things seem as if they should be well with us, opens great gulfs which swallow the whole good of life, a separation which wounds my heart every hour of the day and far more hours of the night than sense or reason would.”
But it doesn’t matter. No matter if I’m here, gone, or indifferent, the old wound stays fresh and painful. Still, the longing heart cries out for what it needs, even if it can never have it. [131] “How is it that my entire life revolves around one single thought, while everything else seems like nothing?” Only God can bring her comfort. “Everything must be sacrificed for God, and I will do it, while wondering at His ways, who, when everything seems like it should be going well for us, creates deep chasms that swallow the good in life, a separation that wounds my heart every hour of the day and even more hours at night than sense or reason can handle.”
Thus, you see, this sweet and noble lady, whose robust strength it seems as if we might all envy, also carried her burden of spiritual grief. Assuredly she is the more charming for it. As she herself said: “In the midst of all my moralizing, I keep a good share of the frailty of humanity.” Thank God, she did!
Thus, you see, this sweet and noble lady, whose strong presence we might all admire, also carried her share of emotional pain. Truly, it makes her even more appealing. As she herself said: “Amid all my moralizing, I maintain a good portion of human weakness.” Thank God, she did!
CHRONOLOGY
- Marie de Vichy-Chamrond.
- Born 1697.
- Married Marquis du Deffand August 2, 1718.
- Friendship with Mademoiselle de L’Espinasse 1754-1764.
- Met Horace Walpole 1765.
- Died October 24, 1780.

Madame du Deffand
Madame du Deffand
VII
MADAME DU DEFFAND
We know her intimately through her multitude of letters, but we know her only as a blind, infirm old woman, dependent on the kindness of others for amusement, if not for support, and ready to depart at any time from the well-worn and tedious spectacle of flavorless existence, if it had not been for her utter uncertainty as to the world that lay beyond.
We know her well through her many letters, but we know her only as a blind, frail old woman, relying on the kindness of others for entertainment, if not for support, and ready to leave behind the worn-out and dull routine of a flavorless life, if it weren’t for her complete uncertainty about what lay beyond.
She had been very young, however, very young and very gay, as traditions tell us. Born into the most dissipated period of French social life, the regency of the first half of the eighteenth century, she was conspicuous for her charm and wit as well as for the irregularity of her conduct. She is said to have been loved by the regent himself. In any case, she was most intimate with him and with his favorites, and turned that intimacy to advantage by securing a pension which was of solid value to her in later life. She fascinated others besides the wicked. The great preacher, Massillon, was summoned by her friends to convert her in early youth. He talked with her very freely, but would make no comment except that she was charming, and when asked to prescribe for her case would suggest nothing but a five-cent catechism.
She was very young, very lively, as traditions say. Born during the wild social scene of early eighteenth-century France, she stood out for her charm and wit, as well as her unconventional behavior. It’s said that the regent himself was in love with her. In any case, she was very close to him and his inner circle, and she used that closeness to secure a pension that was quite beneficial for her later in life. She captivated more than just the morally questionable. The renowned preacher, Massillon, was called by her friends to try to convert her when she was young. He spoke with her openly but only remarked that she was charming, and when asked for advice on her situation, he suggested nothing more than a five-cent catechism.
It is important to note that with Madame du Deffand, as with some other French women, extreme freedom of living is quite compatible not only with great refinement of taste, but with a singular delicacy and sensitiveness of moral perception. She has an occasional coarseness of speech belonging to her age, but few people have been more alive to fine shades of affection, of devotion, of spiritual tact.
It’s important to note that with Madame du Deffand, like with some other French women, a high degree of freedom in lifestyle goes hand in hand with a strong sense of refinement in taste, as well as a unique delicacy and sensitivity in moral perception. She has a roughness in her speech typical of her time, but few people have been more attuned to the subtle nuances of affection, devotion, and spiritual awareness.
Nevertheless, her early life must be remembered, if we would understand her later. She herself says, “Oh, I should not want to be young again on condition of being brought up as I was, living with the people I lived with, and having the sort of mind and character I have.” Dissipation, even less innocent than hers, disorders life, strips it of illusion, takes away utterly and forever the charm of simple things.
Nevertheless, we need to remember her early life to understand her later years. She herself says, “Oh, I wouldn’t want to be young again if it meant being raised the way I was, living with the people I lived with, and having the kind of mind and character I have.” Excess, even less innocent than hers, disrupts life, removes its illusions, and completely and permanently takes away the charm of simple things.
With Madame du Deffand, at any rate, there was no illusion left, and in her gray old age the charm of simple things was gone and of complex also. If she could have detailed her chill philosophy to Rosalind, that child of dawn would have cried out even more than to the curious Jacques, “I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad.” To this disillusioned lady the men and women of the age she lived in were either cynics or pedants, they were bold without force and licentious without merriment, they had little talent and a vast deal of presumption. But as far as her thought and her reading and her knowledge[137] went, the men and women of other times were little better. Most were either fools or knaves and the few who were not were so painfully conscious of it that living with them was more of a burden than with the others. She has words more bitterly acrid than even La Rochefoucauld’s to designate the folly and emptiness and wickedness of life. “I do not know why Diogenes went looking for a man: nothing could happen to him worse than finding one.” And she sums it up in one terrible sentence. “For my part, I confess that I have but one fixed thought, one feeling, one misfortune, one regret, that ever I was born.”
With Madame du Deffand, at least, there was no more illusion, and in her gray old age, the charm of simple things was gone along with the complex ones. If she could have explained her cold philosophy to Rosalind, that child of dawn would have cried out even more than to the curious Jacques, “I’d rather have a fool to make me happy than experience to make me sad.” To this disillusioned lady, the men and women of her time were either cynics or pedants; they were bold without having strength and promiscuous without any joy, they had little talent and a huge amount of arrogance. But as far as her thoughts, readings, and knowledge[137] went, people from other times were not much better. Most were either fools or deceitful, and the few who weren't were so acutely aware of it that being around them felt more burdensome than being with the others. She has words more bitterly pointed than even La Rochefoucauld’s to describe the foolishness, emptiness, and wickedness of life. “I don’t know why Diogenes went searching for a man: nothing could happen to him worse than actually finding one.” And she summarizes it all in one devastating sentence: “As for me, I admit that I have but one fixed thought, one feeling, one misfortune, one regret—that I was ever born.”
As a general thing, however, her complaint is less violent than this and what impresses her in life is not so much its actual evil and misery as its intolerable ennui. I must ask the reader’s pardon for using the French word, which is, perhaps, by this time almost English. No equivalent exactly fits it. “Melancholy” suggests somewhat more of abstract reflection and “boredom” more of irritation with external circumstances. Both these are sometimes applicable, but one cannot get along without “ennui” in discussing Madame du Deffand.
Generally speaking, though, her complaint is less intense than this, and what bothers her in life isn’t so much its real evil and suffering but its unbearable boredom. I must apologize to the reader for using the French word, which is, by now, almost English. There isn’t an exact equivalent. “Melancholy” implies a bit more abstract reflection, while “boredom” leans more towards irritation with outside circumstances. Both can sometimes apply, but you can’t discuss Madame du Deffand without using “ennui.”
This, then, is the deadly burden that life inflicts upon her. The great hours run by, immense, interminable, with nothing to fill them, nothing that inspires her, nothing that amuses her, nothing that distracts her even. The weary waste of time to come can be judged only by the barren memory of time past and that holds out neither encouragement nor hope. To be sure, she readily recognizes that the root of the trouble may be[138] within. A certain lady fails to please her, “but she shared this misfortune with many others, for everything seems insupportable to me. This may very well be because I am insupportable myself.” Whatever the cause, the malady is always present and without cure. “I end because I am sad with no reason for sadness except that I exist.”
This is the heavy weight that life places on her. The long hours drag on, endless and overwhelming, with nothing to fill them, nothing that inspires her, nothing that entertains her, nothing that even distracts her. The exhausting passage of time ahead can only be understood through the empty memories of the past, which offer no encouragement or hope. She knows that the root of the problem might be[138] within herself. A certain woman doesn't satisfy her, “but she shares this struggle with many others, as everything feels unbearable to me. This might be because I’m unbearable myself.” No matter the reason, the suffering is always there and has no remedy. “I feel this way because I’m sad for no reason other than my existence.”
It might be supposed that, drifting always in such a dead fog of ennui, she might bore her correspondents, much more her readers among posterity. She does often. She would very much oftener, if she were not after all a Frenchwoman of the wittiest age of French social life, with the sparkle of French vivacity at the end of her pen. Feeble as she was, world-weary as she was, perhaps even in close connection with these conditions, she had an indomitable nervous energy, which responded in the most surprising way to social or spiritual stimulus. Horace Walpole speaks with admirable justice of her “Herculean weakness.” She found life dull. Yet out of the dulness she could weave the tissue of a correspondence with Voltaire in which the balance of brilliancy is not always on one side. Could we say more? She goes right to the fact in her letters, speaks vigorously, without tautology, or circumlocution. “I care nothing for perfection of style or even for finished politeness. I detest phrases and energy delights me.” With what verve and petulance does she express the emotion of the moment, grave or gay. “Quick, quick, quick, let me tell you about the supper of yesterday which worried me so for fear I should be dull, or crabbed, or embarrassed. Nothing of the sort. I never[139] remember in all my life being younger, or gayer, or merrier.”
It might be assumed that, constantly drifting in such a heavy fog of boredom, she could annoy her correspondents, especially her future readers. And she often does. She would annoy them even more if she weren’t, after all, a Frenchwoman from the wittiest period of French social life, with the spark of French liveliness in her writing. Weak as she was and tired of the world, possibly even related to these feelings, she had an unyielding nervous energy that responded in surprisingly lively ways to social or emotional stimulation. Horace Walpole rightly describes her as having a “Herculean weakness.” She found life dull. Yet from that dullness, she could create a correspondence with Voltaire where the brilliance doesn't always skew in one direction. Could we say more? She gets to the point in her letters, speaks robustly, without repetition or beating around the bush. “I don't care about perfect style or even polished manners. I hate clichés, and enthusiasm excites me.” With what flair and impatience does she convey the feeling of the moment, whether serious or lighthearted. “Quick, quick, quick, let me tell you about last night's dinner that had me worried because I might be boring, grumpy, or awkward. Nothing of the sort. I can’t remember ever feeling younger, happier, or more cheerful.”
She had the sheer salt of French wit, too, could tell a story inimitably, or strike off a stinging epigram. It was she who created the well-known phrase in regard to St. Denis’s long perambulation with his head off: “It is the first step that costs”; she who said—untranslatably—of the verses that showered on Voltaire’s grave, that the great author had become “la pâture des vers”; she who remarked of one of her own friends that her wit was like a fine instrument always a-tuning and never played on. Above all, she could make inexhaustible mockery of her besetting evil. “Write disagreeably, if you like,” she urges. “As the man said of the rack, it will help me to pass an hour or two, at any rate.” And again, “I hear nothings, I speak nothings, I take interest in nothing, and from nothing to nothing I travel gently down the dull way which leads to becoming nothing.”
She had the sharpness of French humor and could tell a story like no one else or throw out a biting remark. She was the one who coined the famous phrase about St. Denis's long walk with his head in hand: “The first step is the hardest”; she who said—untranslatable—about the verses that fell upon Voltaire’s grave, that the great author had become “la pâture des vers”; she who commented about one of her friends that her wit was like a finely tuned instrument that was never played. Most of all, she could poke fun at her own troubles endlessly. “Write however you want,” she insisted. “As the man said about the rack, it will at least help me pass an hour or two.” And again, “I hear nothing, I say nothing, I care about nothing, and from nothing to nothing I gently travel down the dull path that leads to becoming nothing.”
Thus the roses strewn over the abyss make it only deeper and blacker and more horrible. Others may take pleasure in her vivacity, may laugh at her stories and applaud her wit. She takes no pleasure and finds the applause and laughter utterly hollow. Man delights her not nor woman either. And still those interminable hours drag along, unfilled and unfillable as the sieves of the daughters of Danäus.
Thus the roses scattered over the abyss make it only deeper, darker, and more terrifying. Others might enjoy her lively spirit, laugh at her stories, and celebrate her wit. She feels no joy and finds their applause and laughter completely empty. Neither man nor woman brings her any delight. And still those endless hours drag on, unfulfilled and impossible to fill, like the sieves of the daughters of Danäus.
To be sure, when all these glittering analyses of nothing were written, she was old, and blind, and sleepless, three things that are apt to dull the quickest spirits. Before she was far past middle life her eyesight[140] failed her and she became the frail, exquisite, touching figure that we see in her best-known portrait, sitting in a great straw-canopied chair, her tonneau, she called it, with fine, earnest, sensitive features, stretching out her hands in the groping gesture pathetically characteristic of her affliction. And loss of sight to eyes so keen must leave an appalling emptiness.
To be sure, by the time all these flashy analyses of nothing were written, she was old, blind, and unable to sleep—three things that can dull even the sharpest minds. Long before she reached middle age, her eyesight[140] failed her, turning her into the fragile, beautiful, poignant figure we see in her most famous portrait, sitting in a large straw-canopied chair, which she called her tonneau, with delicate, earnest, sensitive features, stretching out her hands in the groping gesture that was sadly typical of her condition. Losing her sight, especially with such sharp eyes, must have created a devastating void.
Also she was tormented by insomnia, to long, blind, empty days added solitary nights, when the tossing of weary limbs doubles the tossing of weary spirits. “One goes over and over in one’s mind everything that worries and distresses one; I have a gnawing worm which sleeps no more than I do; I reproach myself alone with all my troubles and it seems clear that I have brought them all upon myself.” At two A.M. such things do have a most intolerable clarity.
Also, she was tortured by insomnia, with long, blind, empty days adding to solitary nights, when the restlessness of tired limbs doubles the restlessness of tired minds. “You keep going over and over everything that worries and distresses you; I have a gnawing worry that sleeps no more than I do; I blame myself for all my troubles, and it seems obvious that I’ve brought them all on myself.” At two AM, these things have a painfully clear reality.
With afflictions like these, at seventy years old, it is perhaps not wonderful that a lone woman should feel she had had enough of life. Unfortunately Madame du Deffand’s weariness began when she was young and could see—too well. According to Mademoiselle Aïssé, after she and her husband had parted, she asked him to come back to her, desiring to reëstablish her position in the world. For six weeks things hobbled along. Then she became bored till she could endure it no further, and she made her state of mind so evident, not by ill-temper, but by all signs of depression, that the husband departed, this time for good and all. But who can depict her experiences better than herself? “I remember thinking in my youth that no one was happy but madmen, drunkards, and lovers.” And elsewhere she flings[141] the facts at us like a glass of cold water in the face. “I was born melancholy. My gayety comes only by fits and they are growing rare enough.”
With troubles like these, at seventy years old, it's not surprising that a single woman might feel she’s had enough of life. Unfortunately, Madame du Deffand’s exhaustion started when she was young and could see—too clearly. According to Mademoiselle Aïssé, after she and her husband separated, she begged him to return, wanting to restore her place in the world. For six weeks, things limped along. Then she got bored to the point of no longer being able to bear it, and she made her feelings so clear, not through anger, but through signs of sadness, that her husband left, this time for good. But who can express her experiences better than she did? “I remember thinking in my youth that no one was happy except for madmen, drunkards, and lovers.” And elsewhere she throws[141] the facts at us like a splash of cold water to the face. “I was born melancholic. My happiness comes only in bursts, and those are becoming quite rare.”
Those things which distract and divert most men and women, those great passions and little pleasures which to some of us seem to fill every cranny of life with business and delight, to her meant simply nothing. If we review them in their larger categories, we shall see her lay her cold, light finger on them and shrivel them up. It is not deliberate on her part. She would be glad to enjoy as others do. But she has not the power. “It is not my purpose to refuse happiness from anything. I leave open every door that seems to lead to pleasure; and if I could, I would bar those that let in sorrow and regret. But destiny or fortune has bereft me of the keys that open and close the mansion of my soul.”
Those things that distract and entertain most people, those intense emotions and small joys that seem to fill every corner of life with activity and happiness, meant nothing to her. When we look at them in broader categories, we see her lightly touch them and watch them wither away. It’s not intentional on her part. She would love to enjoy life like everyone else does. But she doesn’t have the ability to. “I don’t intend to deny myself happiness from anything. I keep every door that seems to lead to enjoyment open; and if I could, I would block those that bring in sadness and regret. But fate or luck has taken away the keys that open and close the mansion of my soul.”
Nature, the calmest, the most soothing of spiritual consolations? She has no place for it. As a scientific, intellectual pursuit, she blasts it with her savage, untranslatable epigram on Buffon: “Il ne s’occupe que des bêtes; il faut l’être un peu soi-même pour se dévouer à une telle occupation.” As for the emotional, imaginative aspects of the natural world, she grudgingly confesses that she might enjoy them, if circumstances were favorable: “I am not insensible to natural and rural beauties, but one’s soul must be in a very gentle and peaceful mood to get much pleasure from them.” Her friend, Horace Walpole, can hardly be regarded as an ardent nature lover, he who wrote of general birdsong, “It is very disagreeable that the nightingales should[142] sing but half a dozen songs, and the other beasts squall for two months together.” Yet to Madame du Deffand it seemed that even Walpole’s delight in country life was quite incomprehensible. “I cannot form any idea of the pleasures you taste in solitude and of the charm you find in inanimate objects.”
Nature, the calmest and most soothing source of spiritual comfort? She has no room for it. As a scientific and intellectual pursuit, she attacks it with her harsh, untranslatable remark about Buffon: “He only cares about animals; you have to be a bit of one yourself to devote yourself to such a thing.” As for the emotional and imaginative aspects of the natural world, she reluctantly admits she might appreciate them if the circumstances were right: “I’m not indifferent to natural and rural beauties, but your soul needs to be in a very gentle and peaceful mood to enjoy them.” Her friend, Horace Walpole, can hardly be seen as a passionate lover of nature; he wrote about general birdsong, “It’s very annoying that nightingales only sing half a dozen songs, while the other animals scream for two months straight.” Yet to Madame du Deffand, even Walpole’s enjoyment of country life seemed completely baffling. “I can’t understand the pleasure you find in solitude and the charm you see in inanimate objects.”
But the more human interests did not please her any better. Thought, learning, the long effort to understand the secret of life and the springs of human action? Will this dissipate ennui? Not hers. It only deadens it.
But the more human interests didn’t appeal to her either. Thinking, learning, the long struggle to grasp the secrets of life and the motivations behind human behavior? Will this get rid of her boredom? Not at all. It only dulls it.
Politics? The movement of the world, wars, battles and sieges, deaths of illustrious princes and of unknown thousands? They move not her. High and mighty potencies seem to her perfectly trivial. “Let me whisper in your ear that I make precious little account of kings; their protestations, their retractations, their recriminations, their contradictions, I find them of no more moment than the mixing of a breakfast for my cat.” But if you think that at the other extreme she had any more sympathy with the people, just then at the point of striving so mightily, you are altogether mistaken. “From the Agrarian Law down to your monument, your lanterns, and your black flag, the people, with its joy, its anger, its applause, and its curses, is thoroughly odious to me.”
Politics? The movements of the world, wars, battles, and sieges, the deaths of famous leaders and countless unknowns? They don’t concern her. Great powers seem completely trivial to her. "Let me tell you that I care very little about kings; their declarations, their retractions, their accusations, their contradictions mean no more to me than preparing breakfast for my cat." But if you think she has any sympathy for the people, who are currently striving so hard, you’re completely mistaken. "From the Agrarian Law to your monuments, your lanterns, and your black flags, the people, with its joy, anger, applause, and curses, are utterly repulsive to me."
Then there is art, beauty of human creation, to some a resource so great that it overcomes not only tedium but even misery and acute suffering. To this lady with the dead heart beauty makes no appeal whatever. Her blindness of course cut her off from beauty of the eye to[143] which she seldom if ever refers. But the ears of the blind are supposed to be doubly keen and indeed hers were so. Yet to the nerves behind the ears music was mainly a vexation. In one instance she does, indeed, find the harp delightful. This was her idea of delight: “The thought that one gets hold of nothing, that everything slips away and fails us, that one is alone in the universe and fears to go out of it: this is what occupied me during the music.” Do you wonder that she elsewhere writes, “To me music is a noise more importunate than agreeable.”
Then there’s art, the beauty created by humans, which to some is such a powerful resource that it can overcome not only boredom but even misery and deep suffering. For this woman with a dead heart, beauty holds no appeal at all. Her blindness, of course, cut her off from visual beauty, which she rarely, if ever, mentions. However, the ears of the blind are said to be extra sensitive, and hers certainly were. Yet, for her, music was mostly a source of irritation. In one instance, she does find the harp enjoyable. This is her idea of joy: “The thought that one holds onto nothing, that everything slips away and abandons us, that one is alone in the universe and fears to leave it: this is what occupied me during the music.” Are you surprised that she later writes, “To me, music is a noise that’s more bothersome than pleasant”?
With literature the case is little better. Madame du Deffand knew well most of the French writers of her day and had little esteem for them or their works. Of earlier authors she thought more, but not much. La Fontaine occasionally made her smile. Corneille’s heroics enraptured her—for a moment. A minor comedy gives her extreme pleasure, in fact she weeps during the whole third act, and “they were not tears of bitter anguish, but tears of tender emotion.” Her usual state of mind is, however, better expressed in another passage: “Everything I read bores me; history, because I am totally incurious; essays, because they are half platitude and half affected originality; novels, because the love-making seems sentimental and the study of passion makes me unhappy.”
When it comes to literature, things aren't much better. Madame du Deffand was familiar with most of the French writers of her time and held them and their works in low regard. She thought a bit more of earlier authors, but not by much. La Fontaine occasionally made her smile. Corneille’s dramatic works captivated her—for a moment. A light comedy brought her great joy; in fact, she cried through the entire third act, and “they were not tears of bitter anguish, but tears of tender emotion.” Her typical mindset, however, is better captured in another passage: “Everything I read bores me; history, because I am completely uninterested; essays, because they’re half obvious and half pretentious originality; novels, because the romance seems overly sentimental and the exploration of passion makes me unhappy.”
For a soul thus blasted by a dry wind from the barren places of this world it would seem as if the thought of another might offer irresistible attraction. It did, and Madame du Deffand is fascinating on the subject. She would like, oh, she would like to practice religion with[144] fervor. She invites a confessor to dine, talks with him, and is quite encouraged. Why should not grace work a miracle for her as well as for others? She reads Saint François de Sales and finds a tender and winning spirit under his “mystical nonsense.” She regrets that he is dead. “He would have bored me considerably, but I should have loved him.” And in her long hours of insomnia she reflects upon the delightful possibility of believing and builds castles in Spain, or in heaven. “I should read sermons instead of novels, the Bible instead of fables, the Lives of the Saints instead of history, and I should be less bored, or no more, than with what I read now ... at least I should have an object to which I could offer all my sorrows and make the sacrifice of all my desires.”
For a soul ravaged by a dry wind from the desolate areas of this world, it might seem that the idea of another could be incredibly appealing. It was, and Madame du Deffand finds the topic captivating. She would really, really like to practice religion with[144] passion. She invites a confessor to dinner, chats with him, and feels quite inspired. Why shouldn't grace perform a miracle for her just like it does for others? She reads Saint François de Sales and discovers a gentle, charming spirit beneath his “mystical nonsense.” She wishes he were still alive. “He would have bored me a lot, but I would have loved him.” And during her long sleepless nights, she thinks about the wonderful idea of believing and dreams up castles in Spain, or in heaven. “I should read sermons instead of novels, the Bible instead of fables, the Lives of the Saints instead of history, and I would be less bored, or no more, than with what I read now ... at least I would have a purpose to which I could dedicate all my sorrows and sacrifice all my desires.”
But it is utterly futile, babble of children, dreams of white nuns bereft of all converse with the heart of man. She was the pupil of Voltaire, the mistress of the Regent, the friend of D’Alembert and Helvétius. To be the friend of these celebrities and of God also would have been too much. Therefore she believed in nothing whatever. Faith, she says, is a devout belief in what one does not understand. We must leave it to those who have it. I have it not. And what belief could overcome the colossal wretchedness of having been born? “Everything that exists is wretched, an angel, an oyster, perhaps even a grain of sand; nothingness, nothingness, what better can we have to pray for?” She did not originate, but she would gladly have accepted the bitter definition of life as “a nightmare between two nothings.”
But it's completely pointless, just kids' chatter, fantasies of white nuns cut off from any real connection with humanity. She was a student of Voltaire, the mistress of the Regent, and a friend of D’Alembert and Helvétius. Being friends with these notable figures and God too would have been too much. So she believed in nothing at all. Faith, she says, is just a sincere belief in what one doesn't understand. We should leave that to those who have it. I don't have it. And what kind of belief could possibly outweigh the immense misery of being born? “Everything that exists is miserable—an angel, an oyster, maybe even a grain of sand; nothingness, nothingness, what more could we wish for in our prayers?” She didn't create this idea, but she would have readily accepted the harsh definition of life as “a nightmare between two voids.”
Thus, you see, she missed, as so many do, the one great privilege of universal scepticism: universal hope. There are thousands who, like her, proclaim that they have no belief in anything, yet, like her, appear to have a most fervent belief in the devil and all his works.
Thus, you see, she missed, like so many others, the one great privilege of universal skepticism: universal hope. There are thousands who, like her, claim that they don’t believe in anything, yet, like her, seem to have a very strong belief in the devil and all his works.
It was natural that one isolated by blindness and unable to get pleasure from the resources of her own soul should turn to society, should try to draw life from constant contact with others who had more of it than she. In none was this restless desire ever more intense than in Madame du Deffand. She seeks people always, goes among them when she can, uses every effort to make them come to her. Her chief dread of poverty is that she may lose the means of attracting company. Even dull company seems to her more tolerable than her own thoughts. And as I have already pointed out, when she got among people, they enjoyed and admired her. She was quick, vivacious, brilliant, gave no sign of being bored, if she was so. Some of her words even make one suspect that she exaggerated her troubles and found more in life to please her than she would willingly confess. Hear what she says of a long projected and finally realized visit. “I have been here five weeks and I can say, with entire truth, that I have not been bored one single minute, have not had the smallest mishap or annoyance.” Surely the most contented of us can seldom say as much.
It was natural that someone isolated by blindness and unable to find joy in her own inner world would turn to society, trying to draw energy from constant interaction with others who had more life in them than she did. This restless desire was never more intense than in Madame du Deffand. She constantly seeks people, spends time with them whenever she can, and does everything she can to get them to come to her. Her biggest fear of loneliness is that she might lose the ability to attract company. Even uninteresting company seems more bearable to her than her own thoughts. And as I’ve already mentioned, when she is around people, they enjoy and admire her. She was quick, lively, and brilliant, showing no signs of boredom, even if she felt it. Some of her comments even make you wonder if she exaggerated her troubles and found more joy in life than she was willing to admit. Listen to what she says about a long-planned and finally realized visit: “I’ve been here for five weeks, and I can honestly say that I haven’t been bored for a single minute, nor have I experienced the slightest mishap or annoyance.” Surely, even the happiest among us can rarely say as much.
But the general tone of her social experience is much better manifested in one long passage, as remarkable for style as for self-revelation. “Men and women alike seemed to me machines on springs, which went, came,[146] spoke, laughed, without thinking, without reflecting, without feeling. Everybody played a part from habit merely. One woman shook with laughter, another sneered at everything, another gabbled about everything. The men’s performance was no better. And I myself was swallowed up in the blackest of black thoughts. I reflected that I had passed my life in illusions; that I had dug for myself all the pits I had fallen into; that all my judgments had been false and rash, always too hasty; that I had never known any one perfectly; that I had never been known by any one either, and perhaps I did not know myself. One seeks everywhere for something to lean on. One is charmed with the hope of having found it: it turns out to be a dream which harsh facts scatter with a rude awakening.”
But the overall vibe of her social experience is much clearer in one long passage, which is striking for both its style and its self-discovery. “Men and women seemed to me like wind-up toys, going, coming, [146] speaking, laughing, without thinking, reflecting, or feeling. Everyone played their role out of habit alone. One woman was shaking with laughter, another scoffed at everything, and another chatted non-stop about all sorts of things. The men weren’t any better. And I found myself consumed by the darkest thoughts. I realized that I had lived my life in illusions; that I had created all the traps I fell into; that all my judgments had been false and rushed, always too quick; that I had never truly known anyone; that I had never been truly known by anyone either, and maybe I didn’t know myself at all. People search everywhere for something to rely on. We’re delighted with the hope of having found it: only for it to turn out to be a fantasy, shattered by harsh realities with a jolt of awakening.”
By this time it must be very clear that the lady’s worst tormentor was herself. If she could have followed the wholesome advice of her exquisite friend, Madame de Choiseul, she would have seen life differently. “Eat little at night, open your windows, drive out often, and look for the good in things and people.... You will no longer be sad, or bored, or ill.” It was quite in vain. In such maladies the patient must minister to himself, and this poor patient not only submitted to the black ennui of to-day but doubled it, in fact gave it its chief significance, by dreading the longer, blacker hours of many to-morrows.
By now, it should be clear that the lady’s biggest tormentor was herself. If she had taken the wise advice of her dear friend, Madame de Choiseul, she would have viewed life differently. “Eat less at night, open your windows, go out often, and look for the good in things and people.... You won’t feel sad, bored, or sick anymore.” It was all in vain. In situations like this, the individual has to help themselves, and this poor soul not only endured the dullness of today but also amplified it, essentially giving it more weight by fearing the longer, darker hours of many tomorrows.
So you set her down as a cold, barren, dead old woman, and think you have heard enough of her. But there is more and of singular interest. She had noble and beautiful and winning qualities. For one thing, she[147] was frank, straightforward, and sincere. Indeed, it was the excess of these fine traits that caused her troubles. She would have no illusion, no deception, no sham, nothing but the truth. It was the exaggerated fear of accepting pleasant falsehoods which led her to believe that necessarily everything pleasant must be a falsehood. But her honesty draws you to her, even while her misery repels.
So you’ve labeled her as a cold, empty, dead old woman, and you think you’ve heard enough about her. But there’s more, and it’s quite fascinating. She had noble, beautiful, and charming qualities. For one, she[147] was open, direct, and genuine. In fact, it was the excess of these wonderful traits that caused her problems. She refused to accept any illusions, deception, or pretense—only the truth mattered to her. Her extreme fear of accepting nice lies made her believe that anything pleasant must be untrue. Yet, her honesty draws you in, even while her suffering pushes you away.
Then, curiously enough, though the case is not unprecedented, her very pessimism and failure to find any good in the world resulted from an inherent idealism, from too high expectations of men and things. Her imagination was so keen that it discounted every pleasure before it came, with resultant disappointment. Her natural instinct was to trust, often unwisely. Then, when she was deceived, she mistrusted and suspected—unwisely also. Primarily she was a dreamer, a hoper, as she herself phrases it in her vivid language, “a listen-if-it rains, a visionary, who watches the clouds and sees lovely things there that fade even as one beholds them.” And vast dreams dispelled left a darker and a sadder emptiness.
Then, interestingly enough, even though this isn't a unique situation, her deep pessimism and inability to see any good in the world came from a strong idealism, from having expectations that were too high for people and things. Her imagination was so sharp that it dismissed any pleasure before it arrived, leading to disappointment. Her natural instinct was to trust, often without thinking it through. Then, when she was let down, she became untrusting and suspicious—also without good reason. At her core, she was a dreamer, a hopeful person, as she puts it in her colorful way, “a listen-if-it-rains, a visionary, who looks at the clouds and sees beautiful things that disappear even as they’re being seen.” And those grand dreams that were shattered left her with a deeper and sadder emptiness.
So with people. She demanded perfection, and would take nothing less. Men and women thus tempered go starved and discontented in this far from perfect world. “I pass in review everybody I know and everybody I have known; I do not see one of them without a fault, and I find myself worse than any of them.” But, good heavens, what son or daughter of Adam can endure such a test as that? Yet some are extreme good company, nevertheless.
So it is with people. She expected perfection and accepted nothing less. Men and women who hold themselves to that standard end up feeling deprived and unhappy in this imperfect world. “I think about everyone I know and everyone I've ever known; I can't see one of them without a flaw, and I find myself worse than any of them.” But, good grief, what person can withstand such a judgment? Still, some are truly delightful company, regardless.
In other words, her bitter judgments were founded on an over-exacting standard and did not exclude pity or tenderness. Though too impatient to be of great help to others and too critical to be tolerant towards them, she was capable of keen and passionate sympathy, and she held kindness to be a great and most estimable virtue. With the candor which is one of her chief charms she confesses, “I renew every day the resolution to be kind and loving myself. How much progress I make I do not know.”
In other words, her harsh judgments were based on an overly strict standard and didn’t completely shut out compassion or kindness. While she was often too impatient to really help others and too critical to be accepting of them, she had a sharp and deep sense of empathy, and she valued kindness as a significant and admirable quality. With the honesty that is one of her main attractions, she admits, “I commit every day to being kind and loving to myself. I’m not sure how much progress I’m making.”
And following this clue, if we probe still deeper, we come across a curious fact in Madame du Deffand’s temperament, which seems to explain many things. Under all her misery, all her discontent, all her boredom, she was aching for love. Perhaps she was incapable of it. Perhaps her keen vision, and her deep mistrust, and her lofty demands on human nature made it impossible for her to give or to receive the passionate affection which might have filled her life. But after careful study it is impossible to resist the conclusion that she more than most women felt the deep need of all women, that the right home, and the right husband, and the right children might have given her the satisfaction she could not get from books, or thought, or art, or nature.
And if we dig a little deeper into this clue, we discover an interesting fact about Madame du Deffand's personality that seems to clarify a lot. Beneath all her pain, her dissatisfaction, and her boredom, she was yearning for love. Maybe she just couldn’t handle it. Her sharp insight, deep distrust, and high expectations of human nature might have made it impossible for her to give or receive the passionate love that could have enriched her life. However, after careful consideration, it’s hard to ignore the conclusion that she, more than many women, felt that deep yearning all women have, that the right home, the right partner, and the right children could have provided her the fulfillment she couldn’t find in books, ideas, art, or nature.
She herself recognized this, with lucidity as well as pathos. She repeats often that she loves nothing, less often that some inborn flaw, some unconquerable twist or imperfection, makes her incapable of loving anything. But far more often still does she cry out for love and tenderness. “Friendship is almost a mania with[149] me; I was born for nothing else.” “I love nothing and that is the true cause of my ennui.” When she was dying, she saw her secretary, Wiart, who had long served her, in tears. “You love me, then?” she murmured, and so her last words expressed at once the doubt and the longing of her life.
She realized this herself, with both clarity and emotion. She often says that she loves nothing, and less frequently that some inherent flaw, some unchangeable twist or imperfection, makes her unable to love anything. But even more often, she cries out for love and affection. “Friendship is almost an obsession for[149] me; I was born for nothing else.” “I love nothing, and that is the true reason for my boredom.” When she was dying, she saw her secretary, Wiart, who had long served her, in tears. “You love me, then?” she whispered, and her last words expressed both the doubt and the longing of her life.
Of her earlier attempts to satisfy this natural instinct three, at least, are well known to us and none was perfectly successful. For years she lived in the most intimate relations with Hénault, a man of the highest position and character; but he was not of a nature to feel ardor or inspire it. Their mutual attitude was one of respectful esteem, largely tempered with keen-sighted criticism. Again, Madame du Deffand took into her protection a young orphan relative, Mademoiselle de L’Espinasse, hoping to find a comfort for her age. But the older lady was exacting, the younger restless, and they quarreled and parted by the fault of both—or of neither. Finally, there was Madame de Choiseul, with whom it was not easy to quarrel. Madame du Deffand adored her, called her “grandmamma,” though she was many years the younger, declared over and over again that her love was all she wanted, all her hope and comfort in life. Yet in one of her moments of desperate petulance she could write of even Madame de Choiseul: “She shows a good deal of friendship; and as she has none for me and I have none for her, it is perfectly natural that we should exchange the tenderest expressions in the world.” Truly, a strange, subtle, and difficult temper, and one ill-fitted to separate the evil from the good in the tangled yarn of human life.
Of her earlier attempts to fulfill this natural instinct, at least three are well-known to us, and none were completely successful. For years, she had a close relationship with Hénault, a man of high status and good character; however, he wasn’t the kind of person to feel passionate emotions or inspire them. Their mutual feelings were based on respectful admiration, significantly mixed with sharp criticism. Then, Madame du Deffand took a young orphan relative, Mademoiselle de L’Espinasse, under her wing, hoping to find some comfort in her old age. But the older woman was demanding, the younger one restless, and they quarreled and separated due to the faults of both—or neither. Lastly, there was Madame de Choiseul, with whom it was hard to have an argument. Madame du Deffand adored her, referred to her as “grandmamma,” despite being many years younger, and repeatedly claimed that her love was all she needed, all her hope and comfort in life. Yet, in one of her moments of desperate irritation, she could write of even Madame de Choiseul: “She shows a lot of friendship; and since she has none for me and I have none for her, it’s completely natural that we should exchange the most tender expressions in the world.” Truly, a strange, subtle, and complex temperament, poorly suited to distinguishing the good from the bad in the tangled threads of human life.
Then, after all these attempts at love and failures, came a most singular adventure. Madame du Deffand, at seventy, fell in love with a man of fifty. This world-worn, life-wearied, pale, frail, dusty heart was suddenly set beating by another as cold, as disillusioned, if not as bored as hers, that of Horace Walpole, a bachelor, a dilettante, and an Englishman. And this old woman’s love was no mere fancy, no indifferent whim, lightly caught and blown off like a feather. It was a real, intense, absorbing, overwhelming passion, like that of a girl of twenty or a woman of forty. “Everybody loves after his own manner; I have only one way of loving, infinitely, or not at all.” “The thought of you enters into everything I think and everything I do.” This is the tone, not for an hour, or a day, but over and over and over, for eleven years. Let us note some of the special phases of such an unusual experience.
Then, after all those attempts at love and failures, came a truly unique adventure. Madame du Deffand, at seventy, fell for a man of fifty. This weary, worn-out, pale, frail, and dusty heart was suddenly stirred by another heart as cold, disillusioned, and perhaps as bored as hers—Horace Walpole, a bachelor, a dilettante, and an Englishman. This old woman’s love wasn’t just a passing fancy or a casual whim that could be easily dismissed like a feather. It was a real, intense, absorbing, overwhelming passion, comparable to that of a twenty-year-old girl or a forty-year-old woman. “Everyone loves in their own way; I can only love one way—infinitely, or not at all.” “The thought of you is part of everything I think and everything I do.” This isn’t just a tone for an hour or a day; it goes on and on, for eleven years. Let’s highlight some of the specific phases of such an extraordinary experience.
To begin with, how about Walpole himself? He was not infatuated. He never could have been, and certainly not at fifty, for an aged Frenchwoman. He kept a cool head and saw with perfect clearness the foibles of his ardent correspondent. At the same time, his bearing in a rather difficult situation is on the whole loyal and manly. He defended his aged friend against criticism and mockery and it is from him that we get the finest appreciation of her good qualities, her noble sincerity, her unconquerable vivacity, her social charm.
To start, what about Walpole himself? He wasn't obsessed. He never could have been, especially not at fifty, with an older Frenchwoman. He stayed level-headed and clearly understood the quirks of his enthusiastic correspondent. At the same time, his conduct in a somewhat tough situation was generally loyal and honorable. He stood up for his aged friend against criticism and ridicule, and it's from him that we get the best view of her positive traits, her genuine sincerity, her unstoppable liveliness, and her social appeal.
But if he sees her as we see her, assuredly she does not see him as we see him, or never, never admits that she does. Without accepting all of Macaulay’s severe judgment, it is difficult to place Walpole on a very[151] heroic plane. He was kindly, he was gentle, he was generous where it cost him little, he was mildly loyal to his friends. But he was vain, superficial, snobbish while pretending to democracy, incapable of great devotion and of self-forgetfulness. The Walpole that Madame du Deffand loved was, however, far different from this. He had the virtues of French and English combined and the vices of no race. As an author, he is in the same class with Voltaire, his letters are like Voltaire’s for style, and far above for matter. “For style they have had no model and cannot be imitated. They are the sublime of abundance and of naturalness.” If you know Walpole, what do you think of that? And his character is as sublime as his letters. He is perhaps a little godlike for perfect friendship, or is she wrong about this? But in the early stages of her passion she proclaims the lover’s idea from which she never swerves. “If others saw as clearly as I do, you would be placed first, not only in England, but in the universe; this is not flattery; wit, talent, and the perfection of kindness have never been united as they are in you.” What a marvellous light is thrown on the woman’s character, as we have studied it, by such a sentence as that!
But if he sees her the way we see her, she definitely doesn’t see him the way we see him, and she never, ever admits that she does. Without fully accepting all of Macaulay’s harsh judgments, it’s hard to place Walpole on a truly heroic level. He was kind, gentle, and generous when it didn’t cost him much. He was somewhat loyal to his friends. But he was also vain, superficial, and snobbish while pretending to be democratic, incapable of deep devotion or selflessness. However, the Walpole that Madame du Deffand loved was very different from this. He had the virtues of both French and English combined and lacked the vices of any race. As an author, he ranks alongside Voltaire; his letters match Voltaire’s in style but surpass them in substance. “For style, they had no model and cannot be imitated. They are the pinnacle of abundance and naturalness.” If you know Walpole, what do you think about that? His character is as remarkable as his letters. He might be a little godlike in perfect friendship, or is she mistaken about that? But in the early stages of her passion, she proclaims the lover’s idea from which she never deviates: “If others saw as clearly as I do, you would be ranked first, not only in England but in the entire universe; this is not flattery; wit, talent, and the perfection of kindness have never been united the way they are in you.” What a marvelous insight into her character, as we’ve studied it, comes from such a sentence!
So she plays, in letter after letter, on the whole compass of the tenderest, most self-abandoning affection. With him in London and herself in Paris, and several days of delaying post between them, she writes incessantly, begging for good news, bad news, any news. His plans, she must know every detail of his plans, what he does, where he goes, whom he sees. His health.[152] Let but the gout touch him and she is in misery. She showers remedies, like a quack doctor, or an aged nurse. Her distress is everywhere made plain to us by the vivid touches of her quick imagination. “I am like a child hanging out of a window by a cord and every instant on the brink of falling.”
So she writes, in letter after letter, about the full range of the deepest, most selfless love. With him in London and her in Paris, and several days of delayed mail between them, she keeps writing, pleading for good news, bad news, any news. She needs to know every detail of his plans—what he’s doing, where he’s going, who he’s seeing. His health. [152] If the gout flares up, she’s miserable. She throws remedies at him, like a quack doctor or an elderly nurse. Her distress is clear to us through the vivid details of her quick imagination. “I feel like a child hanging out of a window by a cord, on the edge of falling every moment.”
The best remedy for the anxiety of absence would certainly be presence and she seems to live only in the passionate hope of those rare and hurried visits which brought her beloved to her. Yet even so, she is most characteristically afraid that when he does come he will be bored. He shall see only whom he wishes when he wishes, provided he gives long hours to seeing her. He comes, she is in Paradise, sits talking with him till two in the morning, and he gets a long letter from her before he rises the next day.
The best cure for the anxiety of being apart would definitely be being together, and she seems to live only for the passionate hope of those rare and quick visits that bring her beloved to her. Even then, she mostly worries that when he does come, he'll be bored. He’ll see exactly who he wants when he wants, as long as he dedicates plenty of time to seeing her. When he arrives, she's in paradise, chatting with him until two in the morning, and he receives a long letter from her before getting up the next day.
Then he is gone again and she is in pain again. The memory of past pleasure only makes the pang of separation keener. She is old, old, hardly a particle of life left in her, and she cannot hope to live to see him ever any more.
Then he is gone again and she is in pain again. The memory of past joy only makes the sting of separation sharper. She is old, old, hardly any life left in her, and she can't hope to live to see him again.
A passion like this, full as it is of tragedy and pathos, will at times tempt sarcasm. The sincerity and fine intelligence of Madame du Deffand make it impossible for a sympathetic reader even to smile at her. But Walpole was by nature abnormally sensitive to ridicule, as he himself confesses. To be praised as if he were a god and loved as if he were an opera tenor by an old lady of seventy, whom he knew to be living in closest intimacy with the most critical and mocking wits of the world, placed a man of his temper in an exceedingly[153] difficult position. Beware of romance, he cautioned mildly. But she laughed at him. Romance! at her age! She had never been romantic, had all her life stripped the veil of sentimental illusion from the cold bones of reality. Romance! Her feelings were nothing but common, daylight friendship. In which she was quite wrong, for nothing about her was or could be common or of every day.
A passion like this, full of tragedy and emotion, can sometimes invite sarcasm. The sincerity and sharp intellect of Madame du Deffand make it impossible for a sympathetic reader to even smirk at her. But Walpole was by nature unusually sensitive to mockery, as he openly admits. Being praised as if he were a god and adored like an opera singer by a seventy-year-old woman, whom he knew was close with the most critical and sarcastic minds in the world, put a man like him in a really tricky spot. "Watch out for romance," he gently warned. But she laughed at him. Romance! At her age! She had never been romantic and had spent her life peeling away the sentimental layers to reveal the harsh truths of reality. Romance! Her feelings were nothing more than ordinary, genuine friendship. She was completely wrong, though, because nothing about her was or could be ordinary or everyday.
So felt Walpole. And he still shuddered at the thought of the vast guffaw of future generations. Destroy my letters, he insisted, and do, do moderate the tone of yours. And he cautioned, and he lectured, as a tutor might lecture a moonstruck girl.
So felt Walpole. And he still shuddered at the thought of the huge laughter of future generations. Destroy my letters, he insisted, and please, tone down yours. And he warned and lectured, like a teacher might lecture a lovesick girl.
She did not like it, she resented it. The notes she writes so thickly are of painful interest in their sore, hurt, pleading, protesting energy. “If I were as unreasonable as you, you would never hear another word from me. The letter I have just received is so offensive, so extravagant, that I should throw it in the fire unanswered.” “Should throw,” you notice, not “have thrown.” “It is impossible to judge more falsely than you judge me.... You see yourself in everything I say about others and think I am finding fault with you, when I find fault with any one.” “God is not more incomprehensible than you; but if he is not more just, it is hardly worth while believing in him.”
She didn't like it; she resented it. The notes she writes are filled with a painful intensity in their sore, hurt, pleading, and protesting energy. "If I were as unreasonable as you are, you would never hear another word from me. The letter I just received is so offensive and over-the-top that I should just throw it in the fire without responding." "Should throw," you notice, not "have thrown." "You can’t judge me more unfairly than you already do... You see yourself in everything I say about others and think I'm criticizing you when I'm actually critiquing someone else." "God isn't any more incomprehensible than you are; but if He isn't more just, then it's hardly worth believing in Him."
Yet she kissed the hand that chastened her, she turned like a child to its tutor, for advice and comfort, with blind trust, blind confidence, blind hope. He is a true physician for the soul, she says, and one who needs no physician for his own. She only wishes that he[154] might have had control of her from childhood. How different she would have been! “You would have formed my taste, my judgment, my discernment, you would have taught me to know the world, to mistrust it, to despise it, to enjoy it; you would not have bridled my imagination, or blighted my passions, or chilled my soul; but you would have been like a skilful dancing-master, who keeps the natural poise of health and vigor and adds to it finished grace.”
Yet she kissed the hand that disciplined her, she turned to him like a child to a teacher, seeking advice and comfort, with blind trust, blind confidence, blind hope. "He is a true healer of the soul," she says, "and one who needs no healer for himself." She only wishes that he[154] could have guided her from childhood. How different she would have been! “You would have shaped my taste, my judgment, my understanding; you would have taught me to know the world, to be cautious of it, to disdain it, to appreciate it; you wouldn’t have stifled my imagination, or crushed my passions, or dampened my spirit; instead, you would have been like a skilled dance instructor, who maintains a natural balance of health and energy and adds refined grace to it.”
So she loved for eleven years and died with this final illusion like the cross in her hands and the sacred wafer at her lips. You think she was pitiably infatuated. Perhaps she was. But it was an infatuation that not only furnished the clue to her whole life, but in a manner sanctified it.
So she loved for eleven years and died with this last illusion like the cross in her hands and the sacred wafer at her lips. You think she was sadly obsessed. Maybe she was. But it was an obsession that not only provided the key to her entire life but in a way, made it sacred.
It is a curious thing that the two greatest women letter writers of France, perhaps of the world, Madame de Sévigné and Madame du Deffand, should each have built the main fabric of their correspondence on an exaggerated, not to say abnormal, affection. It is far more curious that this affection should be with Madame de Sévigné the one flaw in a singularly well-balanced character and with Madame du Deffand the most marked symptom of health in a character otherwise erratic, distorted, and unsound.
It’s interesting that the two greatest women letter writers of France, and maybe even the world, Madame de Sévigné and Madame du Deffand, each built the core of their correspondence on an exaggerated, if not unusual, affection. What’s even more intriguing is that this affection represents the one flaw in Madame de Sévigné’s otherwise well-balanced character, while for Madame du Deffand, it’s the most notable sign of health in a character that is otherwise erratic, distorted, and unhealthy.
CHRONOLOGY
- Louise Honorine Crozat du Châtel.
- Born 1734.
- Married Duc de Choiseul 1750.
- Choiseul’s ministry 1758-1770.
- Husband died 1785.
- Died December 3, 1801.

Madame de Choiseul
Madame de Choiseul
VIII
MADAME DE CHOISEUL
A portrait of Madame de Choiseul seems the natural complement to the portrait of Madame du Deffand. The two were intimate friends, in spite of a considerable difference in age; their lives were intertwined in the closest fashion. At the same time, they present a marked contrast in temperament, character, and habits of thought. Madame du Deffand’s estimate of her younger friend, whom she playfully called “grandmamma,” will serve well to set the note for a portrayal of the latter: “If there is a perfect being in the world, ’tis she. She has mastered all her passions. No one is at once so sensitive and so completely mistress of herself. Everything is genuine in her, nothing artificial, yet everything is under control.”
A portrait of Madame de Choiseul seems like the perfect addition to the portrait of Madame du Deffand. The two were close friends, despite a significant age difference; their lives were closely connected. At the same time, they exhibit a clear contrast in temperament, character, and ways of thinking. Madame du Deffand’s opinion of her younger friend, whom she teasingly referred to as “grandmamma,” provides a great perspective for describing her: “If there is a perfect person in the world, it’s her. She has mastered all her emotions. No one is both so sensitive and so completely in control of herself. Everything about her is genuine, nothing is artificial, yet everything is managed.”
Elsewhere Madame du Deffand points out that if Madame de Choiseul was perfect, she had everything to make her so, family, fortune, friends, and social position. “I know no one who has been so continuously and so completely fortunate as you.” In a sense this was exact. Madame de Choiseul from birth filled a high position in the social life of the French mid-eighteenth century. She married early a man of the greatest distinction and charm, who came to occupy the most important political offices, and for a time she was perhaps the leading lady of France, next the queen—and[158] the king’s mistress. But her life was not all roses, by any means. Her husband was charming to others as well as to her. She had no children. Politics brought her misery as well as fortune, since the duke lost his office and was sent in disgrace and banishment from court. Later he died and she was left alone to face the Revolution, which she did with the splendid patience and courage shown by so many women of her class. But this was long after Madame du Deffand had exchanged the ennui of earth for the felicity of heaven.
Elsewhere, Madame du Deffand mentions that if Madame de Choiseul was perfect, she had everything to achieve that: family, wealth, friends, and social standing. “I don’t know anyone who has been as consistently and entirely fortunate as you.” In a way, this was true. Madame de Choiseul was born into a high position in the social scene of mid-eighteenth-century France. She married early to a man of great distinction and charm, who went on to hold the most important political positions, and for a while, she was perhaps the leading lady of France, right after the queen—and the king’s mistress. But her life wasn’t all perfect. Her husband was charming not just to her but to others as well. She had no children. Politics brought her both joy and sorrow, as her husband lost his position and was sent away from court in disgrace. Later, he died, leaving her to face the Revolution alone, which she did with the remarkable patience and bravery shown by many women of her class. But this was long after Madame du Deffand had swapped the boredom of earthly life for the bliss of the afterlife.
During the time she held a leading social position, Madame de Choiseul proved to be in every way fitted for it. She herself declares she has no preference for such a life, complains that her hours are filled not occupied, longs for solitude and quiet, and when they come, as a result of political failure, accepts them with a sigh of genuine relief.
During the time she held a prominent social role, Madame de Choiseul showed that she was completely suited for it. She even says she doesn't enjoy that kind of life, complains that her days are filled but not really engaged, longs for solitude and peace, and when that time finally comes due to political setbacks, she welcomes it with a sincere sigh of relief.
But all agree that for the manifold uses of society she had a singular aptness and charm. She was married when she was fifteen, and at eighteen went as ambassadress to Rome, where she made herself beloved by every one. She was not perhaps regularly beautiful, but her little figure had a fairylike grace and lightness, and her simple, dainty speech and manners doubled the attraction of her figure. “A Venus in little,” Vénus en abrégé, Voltaire calls her. Horace Walpole, who to be sure loved all the friends of Madame du Deffand, says of the duchess: “Oh, it is the gentlest, amiable, civil, little creature that ever came out of a fairy egg! So just in its phrases and thoughts, so attentive and good-natured!” Elsewhere he is even[159] more enthusiastic: “She has more sense and more virtues than almost any human being,” and another brief touch gives a climax quite unusual with the cynic of Strawberry Hill: “The most perfect being I know of either sex.”
But everyone agrees that she had a unique charm and ability for the many roles in society. She got married at fifteen, and by eighteen, she was the ambassador to Rome, where she endeared herself to everyone. While she might not have been conventionally beautiful, her petite figure had a fairy-like grace and lightness, and her simple, elegant speech and manners enhanced her appeal. “A Venus in miniature,” Vénus en abrégé, Voltaire calls her. Horace Walpole, who, of course, loved all of Madame du Deffand's friends, describes the duchess as: “Oh, she is the gentlest, most charming, polite little creature that ever came out of a fairy egg! So precise in her words and thoughts, so attentive and kind!” In another instance, he expresses even more enthusiasm: “She has more intelligence and virtues than almost anyone,” and he adds a striking remark that is quite rare for the cynic of Strawberry Hill: “The most perfect being I know of either sex.”
Nor was this grace and perfection of the tame order which effaces itself and merely warms others till they sparkle and flame. The lady had a fairy’s vivacity as well as a fairy’s daintiness. It is true, social embarrassment sometimes overcame her—most winningly. She had, says Walpole further, “a hesitation and modesty, the latter of which the court has not cured, and the former of which is atoned for by the most interesting sound of voice, and forgotten in the most elegant turn and propriety of expression.” She herself gives a charming account of a social crisis in which she was utterly at a loss what to do or say and could only stammeringly repeat the words of others, “Yes, Madam, no, Madam,—I think, that is, I believe—oh, yes, I am sure I agree with you entirely.”
Nor was this grace and perfection a tame quality that fades away while just warming others until they shine. The lady had a fairy-like energy along with a fairy's delicacy. It's true that social awkwardness sometimes overcame her—most endearingly. She had, as Walpole notes, “a hesitation and modesty, the latter of which the court hasn’t changed, and the former of which is forgiven thanks to her incredibly interesting voice and her graceful, appropriate way of expressing herself.” She herself shares a delightful story of a social moment when she was completely unsure of what to do or say and could only stammer the words of others, “Yes, Madam, no, Madam,—I think, that is, I believe—oh, yes, I am sure I agree with you entirely.”
But she had wit of her own, spirit of her own, courage of her own, and could find words in plenty when occasion really called for them. Madame du Deffand has preserved many of her clever sayings, as the comment on two gentlemen equally amiable, but different. “One is charming for the manner that he has and the other for the manner that he has not.”
But she had her own wit, her own spirit, her own courage, and could find plenty of words when the situation truly called for them. Madame du Deffand kept many of her clever remarks, like the comment about two equally pleasant gentlemen, who were different. “One is charming for the way he is, and the other for the way he isn’t.”
The lasting evidence for us, however, of Madame de Choiseul’s vivacity is her letters. They exist in no such number as Madame du Deffand’s or Madame de Sévigné’s, but they yield to neither in ease, in variety,[160] in grace and swiftness of expression. These qualities are equally manifest in her long description of the busy day of a prime minister’s wife,—the scores of petitioners, the hurry from one function to another, the tedious necessity of being something to everybody while nobody is anything to you,—and in little touches of the most pregnant and delicate simplicity. “What is there to say in the country when you are alone and it rains? We were alone and it was raining. This suggested talk of ourselves and, after all, what is there that we know so much about?” or again, “To love and to please is to be always young.” She could and did write French as perfect as Voltaire’s. But she did not hesitate a moment to twist grammar or syntax, when some unusual turn of thought required it. “I propose to speak my own tongue before that of my nation,” she says, “and it is often the irregularity of our thought that causes the irregularity of our expressions.”
The lasting proof of Madame de Choiseul’s liveliness is her letters. They aren’t as numerous as Madame du Deffand’s or Madame de Sévigné’s, but they match them in ease, variety,[160] grace, and speed of expression. These qualities shine through in her detailed account of a prime minister’s wife’s busy day—the many petitioners, the rush from one event to another, the exhausting need to be something to everyone while nobody is anything to you—and in her little remarks that display the most powerful and delicate simplicity. “What is there to talk about in the countryside when you’re alone and it’s raining? We were alone and it was raining. This led to discussions about ourselves, and after all, what do we know better than that?” or again, “To love and to please is to always be young.” She could and did write French as perfectly as Voltaire. But she never hesitated to twist grammar or syntax when a unique thought required it. “I choose to speak my own language before that of my nation,” she says, “and it’s often the irregularity of our thoughts that leads to the irregularity of our expressions.”
But it was neither her beauty nor her wit that made the duchess so much admired and beloved. It was her sympathy and tenderness, her faculty of entering into the joys and sorrows of others and her pleasure in doing so, that drew all hearts to her. “She had the art of listening and of making others shine,” says a memoir writer of her own day. This is a social quality by no means contemptible. But the quality of sympathetic comprehension served for much more than social purposes. “I cannot bear the idea of suffering, even for persons indifferent to me,” she writes. This did not mean, however, that she fled suffering, but that she endeavored to alleviate it, by every means in her power.[161] Where the suffering was mental or imaginary, she soothed and diverted it by sound counsel and gentle rallying, if necessary. Where it was physical, she gave her time and thought and strength to substantial relief.
But it wasn’t just her beauty or her intelligence that made the duchess so admired and loved. It was her empathy and kindness, her ability to connect with the joys and sorrows of others and her enjoyment in doing so, that won everyone over. “She had a talent for listening and making others feel special,” says a memoir writer from her time. This is a social skill that isn’t to be underestimated. But her capacity for genuine understanding served a purpose beyond social interactions. “I can’t stand the thought of suffering, even for people I’m indifferent to,” she wrote. This didn’t mean that she avoided suffering, but that she tried to ease it by every means possible.[161] When the suffering was emotional or imagined, she comforted and distracted it with wise advice and gentle teasing if needed. When it was physical, she dedicated her time, thought, and energy to providing real relief.
Her dependents, her servants, the poor in all the region round, adored her. She gave them money, she gave them food, she gave them the sunshine of her presence and her cheerfulness. A servant whose work had been about the house was offered a better position outside. He refused it. “But why,” urged the duchess, “why? Your pay will be better, your hours shorter, your work lighter.” “Yes, madam, but I shall not be near you.” After the Revolution, when she had lost everything and was living in a garret, there came one day a knock at the door. She opened it to a rather prosperous-looking mechanic, and inquired what he wanted. “Madam, when I was a poor peasant, working on the roads, you asked me what I desired most in the world. I said, a cart and an ass to draw it. You gave them to me and I have made a comfortable fortune. Now it is all yours.”
Her dependents, her servants, and the poor from all around adored her. She gave them money, food, and the warmth of her presence and cheerfulness. A servant who had been working in the house was offered a better job elsewhere. He turned it down. “But why?” the duchess urged. “Why? You'll get paid more, work fewer hours, and have lighter duties.” “Yes, madam, but I won’t be near you.” After the Revolution, when she had lost everything and was living in a small room, there came a knock at the door one day. She opened it to find a somewhat prosperous-looking mechanic and asked what he wanted. “Madam, when I was a poor peasant working on the roads, you asked me what I wanted most in the world. I said, a cart and a donkey to pull it. You gave them to me, and I have built a comfortable fortune. Now, it all belongs to you.”
If she was thus kind to those who were nothing to her personally, it may well be supposed that she was devoted to her friends. She had many of them and never felt that she had enough. Like all persons of such ample affection, she had her disappointments, with resulting cynicism, and once wrote: “It is well to love even a dog when you have the opportunity, for fear you should find nothing else worth loving.” But in general, though she was far from indiscriminate in her choice, she loved widely, and she repeats again and again that[162] love is the only thing that makes life worth living, that love is life. When the bitter saying of Madame de Staël is reported to her, that she was always glad to make new acquaintances because she felt sure they could not be worse than those she had already, Madame de Choiseul rebels with the utmost indignation, declaring that she is not dissatisfied with any of her acquaintance and that she is enchanted with her friends. It seems, also, that her friendship was to a singular degree sympathetic and self-forgetful. So many of us see our friends’ lives from the point of view of our own and enter into their interests chiefly so far as they are identical with ours. But this lady has one beautiful and perfect word on the subject: “I have always had the vanity of those I love, that is my fashion of loving.”
If she was so kind to people who meant nothing to her, it's easy to believe she was devoted to her friends. She had many and never felt she had enough. Like anyone with such a generous heart, she faced disappointments that led to some cynicism, and once wrote: “It's good to love even a dog when you have the chance, for fear you might find nothing else worth loving.” But overall, even though she was careful in her choices, she loved broadly, repeating again and again that love is the only thing that makes life worth living, that love is life. When Madame de Staël’s bitter remark reached her—that she was always happy to meet new people because she was sure they couldn't be worse than the ones she already knew—Madame de Choiseul reacted with strong indignation, claiming she's not unhappy with any of her acquaintances and is delighted with her friends. It also seems that her friendship was uniquely empathetic and selfless. Many of us view our friends’ lives through the lens of our own experiences and engage in their interests mainly when they align with ours. But this woman has one beautiful and perfect insight on the matter: “I have always shared in the pride of those I love; that’s my way of loving.”
One of her friendships we can study in minute detail and we find it to be without fault or flaw, that for Madame du Deffand. One friend was young, rich, beautiful, popular, driven in the rush and hurry of the great world. The other was old, feeble, blind, forlorn. Yet the friendship was as genuine and heartfelt on one side as on the other. Madame de Choiseul had the discernment to see Madame du Deffand’s fine qualities, her clear head, her tender heart, her magnificent sincerity; but she cherished her, as love does cherish, not from a mathematical calculation of fine qualities, but simply because it does and must. I love you, she repeats, I love you. I think of you daily, hourly. Tell me everything, as I tell you everything. Let there be no secrets and no shadows between us.
One of her friendships we can look at closely, and it turns out to be flawless, that of Madame du Deffand. One friend was young, wealthy, beautiful, popular, caught up in the fast pace of the high society. The other was old, frail, blind, and lonely. Yet, the friendship was as genuine and heartfelt from both sides. Madame de Choiseul had the insight to recognize Madame du Deffand’s wonderful qualities—her sharp mind, her kind heart, her incredible sincerity; but she valued her, as love naturally does, not based on a careful assessment of qualities, but simply because it does and has to. I love you, she keeps saying, I love you. I think of you every day, every hour. Tell me everything, just as I tell you everything. Let there be no secrets and no shadows between us.
Nor was it by any means an untested friendship. Madame du Deffand had nothing to do but think of trouble, she was critically sensitive, knew her own weaknesses, and could not believe that anybody loved her. Often she intimates her complaints, her dissatisfaction, her jealousy. Madame de Choiseul is sometimes forced to treat her like the child she calls her. There are moments when a frank, outspoken word is necessary. But it is spoken with careful tenderness. “You think I love you from complaisance and ask you to visit me from politeness. I don’t. I love you because I love you. I will not say because you are lovable; for your fears, your doubts, your absurd hesitations annoy me too much for compliments. I don’t care about doing you justice. I want to do justice to myself. I love you because you love me, because I have my own interests at heart, and because I am absolutely sure of you.... I want to see you, because I love you, right or wrong.” And she did love her, in spite of all criticism and difficulty, with patient tenderness, thoughtful devotion, and infinite solicitude, till the very end.
Nor was it an untested friendship in any way. Madame du Deffand spent all her time thinking about problems; she was extremely sensitive, aware of her own flaws, and couldn’t believe that anyone truly loved her. She often hinted at her complaints, her dissatisfaction, and her jealousy. Madame de Choiseul sometimes had to treat her like the child she referred to her as. There were times when a straightforward, honest word was necessary. But it was delivered with careful kindness. “You think I love you out of politeness and invite you to visit me as a courtesy. I don’t. I love you simply because I love you. I won't say it’s because you're lovable; your fears, your doubts, and your silly hesitations annoy me too much for flattery. I don't care about making you look good. I want to honor my own feelings. I love you because you love me, because I have my own interests in mind, and because I’m completely confident in you.... I want to see you because I love you, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong.” And she did love her, despite all the criticism and challenges, with patient tenderness, thoughtful devotion, and infinite concern, until the very end.
Another friendship, of a somewhat different character, but of almost equal interest, is that for the Abbé Barthélemy, the clever, brilliant, sensitive scholar who was dependent upon the duchess’s bounty during a great part of his life. Here again, in the Abbé’s enthusiastic descriptions and comments, we see the thoughtful kindness, the unselfish devotion, the unobtrusive sympathy, which Madame de Choiseul lavished on those whom she had taken into her heart.
Another friendship, which was a bit different but still quite interesting, was with Abbé Barthélemy, the intelligent, talented, and sensitive scholar who relied on the duchess’s support for much of his life. Once again, in the Abbé’s enthusiastic descriptions and observations, we see the thoughtful kindness, selfless dedication, and quiet sympathy that Madame de Choiseul showed to those she cherished.
Sometimes this tenderness got her into difficulties. She added a child, apt and skilled in music, to her household, and made a pet of him. As he grew older, the boy fell in love with her, and she did not know what to do about it. Her pathetic account of her attempts to reason with him should be read in the original to be appreciated: “He could eat nothing, he could attend to nothing, and one day I found him seated at the clavichord, his heart overflowing in pitiful sighs. I called him, ‘my sweet child,’ to pet him and comfort him a little. Then his heart failed him and his tears flowed abundantly. Through a thousand sobs I could make out that he reproached me for calling him ‘my sweet child,’ when I didn’t love him and wouldn’t let him love me.... My courage broke too, I cried as much as he did, and to hide my tears I ran to find Monsieur de Choiseul and told him the whole story.”
Sometimes this tenderness got her into trouble. She brought a talented and musically gifted child into her home and treated him like a pet. As he grew older, the boy fell in love with her, and she didn't know how to handle it. Her heartfelt account of her efforts to reason with him is best appreciated in the original: “He could eat nothing, he could focus on nothing, and one day I found him sitting at the clavichord, his heart overflowing with sorrowful sighs. I called him, ‘my sweet child,’ to comfort him a bit. Then he lost his courage and tears flowed freely. Through a thousand sobs, I could tell he was upset with me for calling him ‘my sweet child,’ when I didn’t love him and wouldn’t let him love me.... My courage broke too; I cried as much as he did, and to hide my tears, I ran to find Monsieur de Choiseul and told him the whole story.”
Some gossips attempted to see in this pretty incident a suggestion, or at any rate a parallel, to the adventures of the page, Cherubino, in Beaumarchais’s “Marriage of Figaro,” written at a later date. Such slander was utterly unfounded. It is not the least of Madame de Choiseul’s charms that in an age when to have only one lover at a time was virtue and to have many was hardly vice, she is absolutely above the suspicion of having had any lovers at all. No doubt she knew that she was charming and liked to be admired. Madame du Deffand was perfectly right in reproaching Walpole for the singular lack of tact implied in his compliment to the duchess’s virtue. “Why did you tell her that a man would never think of falling in love with[165] her? No woman under forty likes to be praised in that fashion.” But she herself declares that she was something of a prude and the testimony of many besides Walpole proves conclusively that she was not the opposite.
Some gossipers tried to see this cute incident as a hint, or at least a comparison, to the adventures of the page, Cherubino, in Beaumarchais’s “Marriage of Figaro,” which was written later. Such rumors were completely baseless. One of Madame de Choiseul’s greatest charms is that, in a time when having just one lover was considered virtuous and having many barely qualified as a vice, she is entirely above suspicion of having had any lovers at all. No doubt she knew she was charming and enjoyed being admired. Madame du Deffand was absolutely right in calling out Walpole for the awkwardness of his compliment regarding the duchess’s virtue. “Why did you tell her that no man would ever think of falling in love with her? No woman under forty appreciates that kind of praise.” But she herself admits that she was somewhat of a prude, and the accounts of many, including Walpole, clearly show that she was not the opposite.
Moreover, she had the best of guarantees against waywardness of the affections, a profound, enduring, and self-forgetful love for her husband. Walpole cynically suggests that this love was too obtrusive to be sincere. In Walpole’s world such obtrusiveness may not have been fashionable. “My grandmamma has the ridiculous foible of being in love,” says Madame du Deffand. Some may not find it so ridiculous. At any rate, to the duchess her husband was the most important figure in the world and the obvious delight with which she welcomes political banishment because it means solitude and seclusion with him is as charming as it is pathetic.
Moreover, she had the best guarantee against the whims of love—a deep, lasting, and selfless love for her husband. Walpole cynically implies that this love was too obvious to be genuine. In Walpole’s world, such overt affection might not have been considered fashionable. “My grandmother has the silly habit of being in love,” says Madame du Deffand. Some may not view it as so silly. Regardless, to the duchess, her husband was the most significant person in the world, and the clear joy with which she embraces political exile—because it allows for time alone with him—is both charming and sad.
Pathetic, because she did not get the same devotion in return. The duke loved her, respected her, admired her. His serious words about her are worthy of him and her both: “Her virtues, her attractions, her love for me and mine for her, have brought to our union a happiness far beyond the gifts of fortune.” But, though a prime minister, the duke was not always serious, in fact too seldom. He was a brilliant, versatile, gay, and amorous Frenchman, and while he loved his wife, which was a merit, he loved many other ladies, which was less so. “He does not mean to go without anything,” writes the duchess to Madame du Deffand, in a moment of unusual frankness. “He lets no pleasure[166] escape him. He is right in thinking that pleasure is a legitimate end, but not every one is satisfied with pleasures that come as easily as his. Some of us cannot get them for merely stooping to pick them up.”
Pathetic, because she didn’t receive the same devotion in return. The duke loved her, respected her, and admired her. His serious words about her are worthy of both him and her: “Her virtues, her charm, her love for me and mine for her have brought happiness to our union far beyond what fortune could offer.” However, even though he was a prime minister, the duke wasn’t always serious—in fact, it was too rare. He was a brilliant, versatile, cheerful, and romantic Frenchman, and while he loved his wife, which was commendable, he loved many other women as well, which was less admirable. “He doesn’t intend to miss out on anything,” the duchess writes to Madame du Deffand in an unusually candid moment. “He doesn’t let any pleasure pass him by. He’s right to think that pleasure is a valid goal, but not everyone can find satisfaction in pleasures that come as easily as his. Some of us can’t just pick them up by bending down.”
Yet, with all his weaknesses, it cannot be said that the passionate lover had chosen a wholly unworthy object, and even if she had, the breadth, the intensity, the nobility of her passion would have gone far to justify it. How tactful she is, with all her longing for affection! She does not intrude her feelings at the wrong place or time. She thinks more of giving than of getting. How exquisitely tender are the gleams we see, often through others, of the devotion which showed itself in a hundred little forms of the desire to please. “Your grandmamma is at the clavichord,” writes Barthélemy, with playful exaggeration, “and will remain there till dinner time. She will go at it again at seven and play till eleven. She has been doing this for two months, with infinite pleasure. Her sole object is to get so she can play to the duke without nervousness. To accomplish that result will take her about fourteen years longer, and she will be perfectly satisfied if at fifty she can play two or three pieces without a slip.”
Yet, despite all his flaws, it's hard to argue that the passionate lover chose someone completely unworthy, and even if she had, the depth, intensity, and nobility of her passion would have made it worthwhile. How considerate she is, even with all her yearning for love! She doesn’t express her feelings at the wrong moments. She thinks more about giving than receiving. How beautifully tender are the glimpses we often catch, through others, of the devotion that manifests in countless small ways of wanting to please. “Your grandma is at the clavichord,” writes Barthélemy, with playful exaggeration, “and will stay there until dinner. She’ll start up again at seven and play until eleven. She’s been doing this for two months, with so much joy. Her only goal is to play for the duke without getting nervous. To achieve that, it will take her about another fourteen years, and she’ll be perfectly happy if, by the time she’s fifty, she can play a couple of pieces without making a mistake.”
Her own words are even more significant. “I want to grow young again, and pretty, if I could. At any rate, I should like to make your grandpapa think I am both one and the other, and as he has little here to compare me with, I may be able to deceive him.” Again, in as charming a bit of self-revelation as it would be easy to find, she writes to Madame du Deffand, with a[167] lover’s passionate urgency: “Tell me, dear grandchild, did your grandpapa come back again Wednesday, after he had put me into the carriage? Did he speak of me? What did he say and how did he say it? I can’t help thinking that he grows a little less ashamed of me, and it is a great point gained when we no longer mortify those whom we would have love us.—You must admit that your grandpapa is the best of men; but that is not all, I assure you he is the greatest man the age has produced.”
Her own words are even more important. “I want to feel young and pretty again, if I could. At the very least, I’d like to make your grandpa think I am both, and since he doesn’t have much around here to compare me with, I might be able to fool him.” Again, in as charming a moment of self-revelation as you could find, she writes to Madame du Deffand, with a[167] lover’s intense urgency: “Tell me, dear grandchild, did your grandpa come back on Wednesday after he helped me into the carriage? Did he mention me? What did he say and how did he say it? I can’t help but think he’s becoming a little less ashamed of me, and it’s a big step forward when we no longer embarrass those we wish would love us.—You have to admit that your grandpa is the best of men; but that’s not all, I assure you he is the greatest man of our time.”
If he was not, at least she did her best to make him so. While he was minister, she pulled every wire a loving woman can pull honestly, even stooping to court and caress Madame de Pompadour, the mistress of the king. When he was disgraced, she cherished his friends and fought his enemies, minimized his faults and blazoned his virtues, believed in him so intensely that she made others believe who were much more ready to doubt. After his death, she sold her possessions and lived in poverty to pay his debts and clear his memory. When she was urged to flee during the Revolution, she said she could not, or those debts would never be paid, and when she was imprisoned and in danger of the guillotine, her plea for release was still that she had a task to do on earth that was not done. She was set free and continued her efforts till her death.
If he wasn't, at least she did everything she could to make him so. While he was in office, she pulled every string a loving woman can pull honestly, even going as far as to court and flatter Madame de Pompadour, the king's mistress. When he fell from grace, she supported his friends and fought against his enemies, downplayed his faults and highlighted his virtues, believed in him so strongly that she made others believe too, even those who were much quicker to doubt. After he passed away, she sold her belongings and lived in poverty to pay off his debts and preserve his memory. When she was urged to escape during the Revolution, she refused, saying she couldn't leave or those debts would never be settled, and when she was imprisoned and at risk of the guillotine, her request for release was still that she had unfinished business on earth. She was freed and continued her efforts until her death.
It will be asked if this charming personage had no faults. Of course she had. She realized them herself, and so did others. It was even maintained that her very faultlessness was an imperfection and that she[168] overcame nature so completely as to be not quite human enough. The Abbé Barthélemy himself, loyal and devoted as he was, and protesting that he is a monster of ingratitude, whispers gently to Madame du Deffand that his patroness had serious defects, to be sure chiefly injurious to herself, which resulted from her very excess of virtue, sympathy, and self-control. Elsewhere he murmurs that she is so busy with everybody it is sometimes hard to realize that she cares for anybody, and again that she thinks so much of friends who are absent that those who are present get very little attention.
It will be asked if this charming person had no flaws. Of course she did. She was aware of them herself, and so were others. Some even argued that her extreme perfection was a flaw and that she[168] overcame her humanity to the point of not being entirely relatable. The Abbé Barthélemy himself, loyal and devoted as he was, and claiming he is incredibly ungrateful, gently tells Madame du Deffand that his patroness had real shortcomings, mainly harmful to herself, which stemmed from her very excess of virtue, compassion, and self-discipline. Elsewhere, he notes that she is so busy with everyone else that it can be hard to see that she cares for anyone, and he also points out that she focuses so much on friends who are absent that those who are present get very little of her attention.
Madame du Deffand, who was lonely, sensitive, and jealous, is much more free in her criticism. Persons overflowing with sympathy and kindness, like Madame de Choiseul, are always exposed to the charge of insincerity and the older friend expresses this, in the early days of their acquaintance, with the utmost bitterness. “She makes a great show of friendship. And as she has none for me and I have none for her, it is perfectly natural that we should say the tenderest things possible to one another.”
Madame du Deffand, who was lonely, sensitive, and jealous, is much more straightforward in her criticism. People overflowing with sympathy and kindness, like Madame de Choiseul, are often accused of being insincere, and the older friend expresses this, in the early days of their relationship, with great bitterness. “She puts on a big show of friendship. And since she doesn’t feel any for me and I don’t feel any for her, it’s only natural that we should say the sweetest things possible to each other.”
The passage of years wholly corrected this misapprehension. The blind, forlorn, love-thirsty dreamer came to know that there was no love in the world more loyal, more tender, more self-forgetful than that of this wonderful lady who might have had princes at her feet. Yet the solitary heart is not contented, can never be contented. Soothing, petting, rallying may calm it for the moment. It will never be still. “You cannot let go in your letters. You always say just what[169] you want to say.” She writes grumblingly to Walpole of the duchess: “She wants to be perfect. That is her defect.” And again, “It is vexatious that she is an angel. I had rather she were a woman.” The sum total of the complaint recurs again and again in a phrase which Madame de Choiseul had most unfortunately invented herself. “You know you love me, but you do not feel it.”
The years completely changed this misunderstanding. The blind, hopeless, love-starved dreamer came to realize that there was no love in the world more loyal, more tender, or more selfless than that of this amazing lady, who could have had princes at her feet. Yet, the lonely heart is never satisfied and can never be satisfied. Comforting, pampering, and encouraging may bring temporary peace. It will never be quiet. “You can’t hold back in your letters. You always say exactly what you want to say.” She writes, somewhat annoyed, to Walpole about the duchess: “She wants to be perfect. That’s her flaw.” Again, she says, “It’s frustrating that she’s an angel. I’d prefer if she were just a woman.” The essence of her complaint keeps coming back in a phrase that Madame de Choiseul unfortunately created herself: “You know you love me, but you don’t really feel it.”
Yet, after all, the lady was not so fatally angelic as to lose every appeal to frail humanity. It stung her to be dependent. It stung her to ask a favor of an enemy. It stung her to have any one ask a favor for her. With what wholesome vigor does she lash Madame du Deffand, who had innocently spoken a kind word for her friend to the wife of her friend’s chief political antagonist. “This is something I will not allow. This is something you absolutely must make right, and in the presence of the very persons who were witnesses to a piece of cajolery so unfitting under existing circumstances and so utterly foreign to my character.” And she adds, “the Abbé, who is all for gentle methods, will try to smooth this over. But, for my part, though I am sorry to hurt you, I don’t retract a word, because I have said what I feel.”
Yet, after all, the lady wasn't so saintly that she lost all connection to human weaknesses. It bothered her to be dependent. It bothered her to ask a favor from an enemy. It bothered her to have anyone ask a favor for her. With such vibrant energy, she chastises Madame du Deffand, who had innocently said a kind word about her friend to the wife of her friend’s main political opponent. “This is something I won’t allow. This is something you absolutely must fix, and in front of the very people who witnessed such a manipulative act that was so inappropriate given the circumstances and completely out of character for me.” And she adds, “the Abbé, who believes in gentle methods, will try to smooth this over. But for my part, even though I regret hurting you, I won’t take back a word, because I’ve said what I truly feel.”
Also, she was capable of good honest hatred, when she thought there was occasion for it, and right in the family too. Her husband had a sister, Madame de Grammont, a big haughty Juno, if the duchess was a little Venus, and between the two there was no friendship. The duke hearkened to the sister much more than the wife liked. In short, they were jealous of[170] each other and though they finally patched up an armed truce which age developed into a reconciliation, they never regarded each other with much cordiality. How vividly human is Madame de Choiseul’s account of her conduct when the duke had an attack of illness. “Though I hate Madame de Grammont, I sent her word, because I should wish her to do the same to me. What happened? She never thanked me, she never even answered me, but wrote to the duke to complain that he had not written and thus got me into trouble.”
Also, she was capable of genuine, honest hatred when she thought it was warranted, even within the family. Her husband had a sister, Madame de Grammont, a proud and imposing woman, while the duchess was more delicate and charming. There was no friendship between the two. The duke listened to his sister much more than his wife appreciated. In short, they were jealous of each other, and although they eventually managed to reach a sort of uneasy peace that over time turned into a reconciliation, they never felt much warmth toward each other. Madame de Choiseul’s description of her behavior when the duke fell ill is strikingly human. “Even though I hate Madame de Grammont, I let her know about his condition because I would want her to do the same for me. What happened? She never thanked me, she didn’t even reply, but instead wrote to the duke to complain that he hadn’t contacted her, which got me into trouble.”
So, you see, she knew the bitter emotions of life as well as the sweet, and was by no means exempt from any aspect of human frailty. Yet, although her soul was wide-open to emotions of all sorts, and though she herself passionately repeated that feeling was the only good of existence, was the whole of existence, she had, beside her emotions, an intellectual life singularly subtle, plastic, and varied, and full of interest to the curious student. She was apt to condemn reason as misleading, deceptive, and of little worth, but in demonstrating the point she indulged herself in reasoning of a highly elaborate and ingenious order. In fact, she was a child of the eighteenth century, and could not wholly escape its abstract tendencies. Speaking of her own letters, when a friend wanted to collect them for publication, she said, “to me they seem to be the writing of a raisonneuse.”
So, you see, she understood the harsh emotions of life just as well as the good ones, and she was definitely not free from any form of human weakness. Yet, although her heart was wide open to all kinds of feelings, and she often passionately claimed that feeling was the only thing that mattered in life, she also had a remarkably subtle, flexible, and varied intellectual life that was full of interest for curious minds. While she tended to dismiss reason as misleading, deceptive, and not very valuable, her arguments were often intricate and clever. In fact, she was a product of the eighteenth century and couldn't completely escape its abstract tendencies. When a friend wanted to publish her letters, she remarked, “to me they seem to be the writing of a raisonneuse.”
She came naturally by this argumentative tendency, for it was said of her father that he was too inclined to dissect his ideas and had a leaning toward metaphysics which he communicated to his wife, so that the[171] daughter’s cradle may have been rocked by tempests of theoretical discussion. She herself declares that she was not educated at all and thanks heaven for it. For, she says, at least she was not taught the errors of others. “If I have learned anything, I owe it neither to precepts nor to books, but to a few opportune misfortunes. Perhaps the school of misfortunes is the very best.” She had, however, picked up a rather broad learning through keen attention and a love of books. She speaks of Pliny, Horace, Cicero, and other Latin authors, as if she knew them by heart. She reads the Memoirs of Sully with delight, though chiefly why? Because Sully’s situation reminds her of Monsieur de Choiseul’s. She deplores Madame du Deffand’s indifference to reading: “Books help us to endure ignorance and life itself: Life, because the knowledge of past wretchedness helps us to endure the present; ignorance, because history tells us nothing but what we already know.” Here you see the touch of the raisonneuse, to use her own phrase, the curious analyst, the minute dissector of her own motives and those of others. Madame du Deffand quotes a German admirer as saying of the duchess: “She is reason masquerading as an angel and having the power to persuade with charm.”
She naturally developed this argumentative tendency, as her father was known for over-analyzing his ideas and had a tendency towards metaphysics, which he passed on to his wife. This means that the daughter’s cradle may have been rocked by storms of theoretical debate. She claims she wasn’t educated at all and is grateful for it. “At least I wasn't taught the mistakes of others,” she says. “If I’ve learned anything, it’s not from teachings or books, but from a few timely misfortunes. Maybe the school of misfortunes is the best there is.” However, she has acquired quite a broad knowledge from her keen attention and love of books. She speaks about Pliny, Horace, Cicero, and other Latin authors as if she knows them by heart. She reads Sully's Memoirs with great pleasure, mostly because Sully’s situation reminds her of Monsieur de Choiseul. She laments Madame du Deffand’s lack of interest in reading: “Books help us endure ignorance and life itself: Life because knowing about past suffering helps us cope with the present; ignorance because history only tells us what we already know.” Here you see the touch of the raisonneuse, as she describes herself, the curious analyst, the detailed dissector of her own motives and those of others. Madame du Deffand quotes a German admirer who said of the duchess: “She is reason disguised as an angel, able to persuade with charm.”
It is most fruitful to follow the gleaming thread of Madame de Choiseul’s analysis through the different concerns and aspects of human life.
It is most rewarding to trace the shining thread of Madame de Choiseul’s analysis through the various issues and aspects of human life.
Of art she apparently knew nothing whatever. Though herself a figure just stepped out of a canvas of Watteau, she never mentions him, nor any other artist, greater or lesser. We do not see that plastic[172] beauty existed for her at all. Of her music we know only that she practised day and night to please her husband. Nature she never mentions in any aspect. All that she has to say of her long years in the country is that solitude is restful.
Of art, she seemed to know absolutely nothing. Even though she was like a character straight out of a Watteau painting, she never brings him up or mentions any other artist, big or small. We can’t see that the beauty of form mattered to her at all. The only thing we know about her music is that she practiced day and night to please her husband. She never talks about nature in any way. The only thing she says about her many years in the countryside is that solitude is relaxing.
On the other hand, she shows much of herself and of her own mind in what she says of literature. As we have seen, she was a good deal of a reader, would have read much more, or fancied she would, if she had not had a thousand other things to do. And her judgment of books and authors is as keen and penetrating as it is independent. It shows further the strong, sound, moral bent of her disposition. She pierces Rousseau’s extravagant theorizing about nature with swift thrusts of practical sense, summing up her verdict in a touch of common truth expressed inimitably: “Let us beware of metaphysics applied to simple things.” And Rousseau himself she defined with bitter accuracy: “He has always seemed to me to be a charlatan of virtue.” Voltaire she judged with a singular breadth and justice of perception, appreciating to the full his greatness and his pettiness. “He tells us he is faithful to his enthusiasms; he should have said, to his weaknesses. He has always been cowardly where there was no danger, insolent where there was no motive, and mean where there was no object in being so. All which does not prevent his being the most brilliant mind of the century. We should admire his talent, study his works, profit by his philosophy, and be broadened by his teaching. We should adore him and despise him, as is indeed the case with a good many objects of worship.”
On the other hand, she reveals a lot about herself and her thinking in what she says about literature. As we've seen, she was quite the reader and would have read even more, or thought she would have, if she didn't have a thousand other things to do. Her judgment of books and authors is sharp and insightful, as well as independent. It also highlights the strong, sound, moral nature of her character. She cuts through Rousseau’s extravagant ideas about nature with quick insights of practical sense, summarizing her opinion with a bit of common truth expressed uniquely: “Let us beware of metaphysics applied to simple things.” She also defined Rousseau with a harsh accuracy: “He has always seemed to me to be a charlatan of virtue.” She assessed Voltaire with a remarkable breadth and fairness, fully appreciating both his greatness and his flaws. “He tells us he is true to his passions; he should have said, to his weaknesses. He has always been cowardly where there was no risk, arrogant where there was no reason, and petty where there was no benefit in being so. All of this doesn’t stop him from being the most brilliant mind of the century. We should admire his talent, study his works, learn from his philosophy, and be enriched by his teachings. We should love him and loathe him, which is indeed how many figures of worship are regarded.”
This passage alone would show that we are dealing with a vigorous and independent mind. The impression is by no means diminished when we read the duchess’s other outpourings on abstract subjects. Some indeed think that she overdoes the matter, that she has caught the pernicious eighteenth-century habit of moral declamation, in short, that she violated her own excellent precept about applying metaphysics to simple things. But her sight was so clear, her sympathy so tender, and her heart so sound that I do not think any one can seriously accuse her of being a rhetorician.
This passage alone shows that we are dealing with a strong and independent mind. The impression doesn’t fade when we read the duchess’s other thoughts on abstract topics. Some people believe she goes too far, that she has picked up the harmful 18th-century habit of moral preaching; in short, that she has ignored her own great advice about applying complex ideas to simple matters. But her vision was so clear, her empathy so genuine, and her heart so good that I don’t think anyone can seriously accuse her of being a rhetorician.
It is, however, very curious to compare her in this respect with Madame du Deffand, who takes no interest whatever in general questions, and is disposed to leave politics to princes, religion to priests, and the progress of mankind to those who can still believe in it. Not so Madame de Choiseul. She thinks passionately on the great problems of life and history and follows with keen interest the thinking of others. When Voltaire sets himself up as the apologist of Catherine II of Russia, the duchess’s sense of right is outraged and in a strange long letter to Madame du Deffand she analyzes Catherine’s career and with it the whole theory of political and social morals. When Rousseau is under discussion, she analyzes carefully the tissue and fabric of organized community life. When forms of government attract her pen, she analyzes monarchy and democracy and expresses a sympathy with the latter surprisingly significant for her age and class. When her analyzing appetite can find no other bone to gnaw on, she analyzes her own happiness, with the subtlety of La[174] Bruyère. Perhaps the following is a little too much an application of metaphysics to simple things: “Gayety, even when it is habitual, seems to me only an accident. Happiness is the fruit of reason, a tranquil condition, and an enduring one, which knows neither transport nor ecstasy. Perhaps it is a slumber of the soul, death, nothingness. As to that I cannot say, but by these words I mean nothing sad, though people commonly think of them as lugubrious.”
It’s quite interesting to compare her in this way with Madame du Deffand, who shows no interest in general issues and prefers to leave politics to leaders, religion to clergy, and the advancement of humanity to those who can still believe in it. That's not the case with Madame de Choiseul. She is deeply passionate about the significant problems of life and history and closely follows the ideas of others. When Voltaire defends Catherine II of Russia, the duchess feels a strong sense of injustice and writes a lengthy letter to Madame du Deffand, where she examines Catherine’s life along with the entire theory of political and social ethics. When Rousseau is brought up, she carefully analyzes the structure of organized community life. When different forms of government engage her attention, she scrutinizes monarchy and democracy, expressing a surprisingly significant sympathy for the latter, especially for someone of her age and status. When she can't find anything else to analyze, she turns to assessing her own happiness, with the subtlety of La Bruyère. Perhaps the following is a bit too much of a metaphysical approach to simple matters: “Joy, even when it’s regular, seems to me just a coincidence. Happiness is a product of reason, a calm state, and a lasting one, free from extremes of excitement or ecstasy. It may even be a slumber of the soul, death, nothingness. I can't say for sure, but I don't mean anything gloomy by these words, even if people often interpret them as such.”
In all these elaborate analyses it is noticeable that there is no trace whatsoever of religion. Madame de Choiseul was as completely sceptical as Madame du Deffand. In all their correspondence God is hardly mentioned, even in the light, intimate way so common with the French. Madame de Choiseul declares her uncertainty with perfect frankness. “My scepticism has grown so great that it falls over backward and from doubting everything I have become ready to believe everything. For instance, I believe just as much in Blue Beard, the Thousand and One Nights, genii, fairies, sorcerers, and will-o’-the-wisps, as in—what shall I say?—anything you please.” Nor is her faith in human nature in the abstract any more stable, as soon as she subjects it to the cold ray of her analyzing intellect. “Let us say once for all that there are few people whom one can count on, a melancholy truth that chills the heart and withers the confidence of youth. We grow old as soon as we cease to love and trust.” While her summing up of the acme of possible good wishes is, to say the least, not of a very spiritual tenor. “Good-by, dear child, I wish you good sleep[175] and a good digestion. I don’t know anything better to desire for those I love.”
In all these detailed analyses, it’s noticeable that there’s no sign of religion. Madame de Choiseul was as skeptical as Madame du Deffand. Throughout their correspondence, God is hardly mentioned, even in the casual, familiar way typical of the French. Madame de Choiseul openly admits her uncertainty. “My skepticism has grown so much that it flips over backward, and from doubting everything, I’ve become ready to believe anything. For example, I believe as much in Blue Beard, the Thousand and One Nights, genies, fairies, sorcerers, and will-o’-the-wisps as in—what should I say?—anything you can think of.” Her faith in human nature in general is no more stable when she subjects it to her analytical intellect. “Let’s just say once and for all that there are few people you can truly count on, a sad truth that chills the heart and diminishes the confidence of youth. We grow old the moment we stop loving and trusting.” Her summary of the highest possible good wishes is, to say the least, not very spiritual. “Goodbye, dear child, I wish you good sleep and good digestion. I don’t know anything better to wish for those I love.”
What is deeply important and significant for the study of Madame de Choiseul in this lack of positive belief is that on a substructure apparently so frail there could be built up a character so rounded, so pure, so delicate, so eminently self-forgetful and devoted. And it is to be observed that her perfection was not all the result of a happy, contented, optimistic temperament. She was not born entirely a saint, nor quite ignorant of the perversities of frail humanity. She herself says: “With a warm heart which longed for affection and a quick imagination which must be ever at work, I was more disposed to unhappiness and ennui than people usually are. Yet I am happy and ennui gets no hold on me.” In many other passages she makes it evident that she had her troubles, many of them. Physically, she was delicate and sensitive, always ailing, and it is a charming bit of human nature that with all her splendid self-control she could not refrain from eating things that disagreed with her, so that Barthélemy complains that she had the courage of a lion in great matters and was a coward in little. Also, the seeds of spiritual complaints were manifestly latent in her and she had her dark hours when sadness and anxiety and regret threatened to assert themselves with irresistible vigor. She speaks somewhere, as the years roll on, of “the terror which seizes me and the disgust which overpowers me when I see the work of destruction advancing and that resistance is no longer equal to attack.”
What is truly important for understanding Madame de Choiseul in the absence of strong beliefs is that on a seemingly fragile foundation, a character so well-rounded, pure, delicate, and notably selfless and devoted could emerge. It's also worth noting that her perfection wasn’t solely due to a cheerful, content, and optimistic nature. She wasn’t born a saint and was not completely unaware of the flaws of human nature. She herself states: “With a warm heart that craved affection and an active imagination that was always working, I was more inclined to unhappiness and boredom than most people are. Yet I am happy, and boredom doesn’t take hold of me.” In many other instances, she makes it clear that she faced numerous troubles. Physically, she was fragile and sensitive, often unwell, and it’s quite human that despite her remarkable self-control, she couldn't help but eat things that didn't agree with her, leading Barthélemy to note that she had the courage of a lion in significant matters but was timid in small ones. Additionally, the roots of spiritual struggles were clearly present in her, and she experienced dark moments when sadness, anxiety, and regret threatened to overwhelm her. She mentions at some point, as the years go by, “the terror that grips me and the disgust that overtakes me when I see the work of destruction advancing and resistance is no longer strong enough to fend off the attack.”
But to all these subtle dangers she opposed a superb strength of will, a splendid courage, and above all the instinctive, unconquerable, eternal energy of love. While she was doing something for others she was happy and for others there was always something to be done. It is a most satisfying and tranquilizing thing to see a creature so dainty, so exquisite, so finely tempered with all the delicate responsiveness we nowadays call nerves, at the same time steeled and toughened by that substantial necessity, common sense. She knew all the good of life and all the evil. Beauty, rank, wealth, love, honor, exile, ruin, and disaster were all hers. And through them all she remained the same simple, gentle, loyal, heroic figure, admirable if a woman ever was, and memorable if the highest charm backed by the strongest character are indeed worth remembering.
But to all these subtle dangers, she countered with a strong will, remarkable courage, and above all, the instinctive, unbreakable, eternal energy of love. While she was helping others, she found happiness, and there was always something that needed to be done for someone else. It's incredibly satisfying and calming to see someone so delicate, so exquisite, and so finely tuned, with all the delicate responsiveness we now refer to as nerves, while also being toughened by the practical necessity of common sense. She understood all the good and bad in life. Beauty, status, wealth, love, honor, exile, ruin, and disaster were all part of her experience. Yet through it all, she remained the same simple, gentle, loyal, heroic figure—truly admirable if any woman ever was, and unforgettable if the greatest charm combined with the strongest character is worth remembering.
CHRONOLOGY
- Eugénie de Guérin.
- Born in Languedoc, 1805.
- Visited Paris 1838.
- Brother died 1839.
- Visited Paris 1841.
- Died May, 1848.
IX
EUGÉNIE DE GUÉRIN
She lived a solitary, an almost eremitical life, utterly secluded from the contact, and almost from the knowledge, of the great world. No isolation in America to-day could be quite so complete as that of a lady in a French provincial town a hundred years ago: the same quiet waysides, the same faces at the same corners the same seasons in their eternal change, the bell of centuries tolling a monotonous succession of births, marriages, and deaths. All the varied doings of mankind in hasty cities, kings crowned and uncrowned, new thoughts, new fashions, new vices, new beauty, echoed in that tranquil dwelling like the far passage of some martial pageant stirring a dream. “Two visits, two letters written, one received, fill a day,” she says; “fill a day full for us.”
She lived a solitary, almost hermit-like life, completely isolated from the contact and nearly from the knowledge of the outside world. No isolation in America today could match the total seclusion of a woman in a French provincial town a hundred years ago: the same quiet roads, the same familiar faces at the same street corners, the same seasons changing endlessly, the bell tolling through the centuries marking a repetitive cycle of births, marriages, and deaths. All the diverse activities of people in bustling cities, kings being crowned and dethroned, new ideas, new trends, new vices, and new beauty echoed in that peaceful home like the distant sounds of a grand parade fading into a dream. “Two visits, two letters written, one received, fill a day,” she says; “fill a day full for us.”
She did not complain of the solitude, she loved it. She was born in it, grew up in it, and wished to die in it. Every tree, every flower was a friend to her. Old sunlit walls caressed her with a touch like love’s. “I could take a vow to remain here forever,” she says. “No place could be to me so much my home.” The habit of loneliness grows on her, as all our habits do, until one day, returning to a house quite empty, she exclaims, “You cannot think how gaily I took possession of this abandoned dwelling. Here I am alone,[180] absolutely alone, in a place which of itself breeds calm reflection. I hear the passers pass, and do not even turn my head.”
She didn’t mind the solitude; she loved it. She was born in it, grew up in it, and wanted to die in it. Every tree, every flower felt like a friend to her. The old sunlit walls embraced her as tenderly as love does. “I could swear to stay here forever,” she says. “No place feels more like home to me.” The habit of being alone settled in her, just like all our habits do, until one day, coming back to a completely empty house, she exclaims, “You can’t imagine how happily I took over this deserted place. Here I am alone,[180] completely alone, in a spot that naturally encourages calm reflection. I hear people passing by, and I don’t even look up.”
In a life so unbroken little movements made a great stir. Twice she sojourned for a few weeks in Paris and she made a brief visit to a watering place in the Pyrenees. On all these occasions she was quick and wide-eyed to catch what went on about her. She responded to great scenes and notable monuments and was not incurious as to the ways of men and women. But she felt no eagerness to change her own habits and returned with undisturbed delight to the places she had always loved. “Repose is what delights me; not inaction, but the poised quiet of a heart that is content.”
In a life so uninterrupted, even small movements caused a big impact. She spent a couple of weeks in Paris twice and took a short trip to a spa in the Pyrenees. On all these occasions, she was quick and wide-eyed, eager to observe everything around her. She reacted to impressive scenes and famous landmarks and was interested in the behaviors of people. However, she didn't feel the need to change her own routines and returned with unchanged joy to the places she had always cherished. “What brings me joy is tranquility; not inactivity, but the balanced calm of a heart that is satisfied.”
Do not imagine that her solitude meant always quiet, however. Such outward peace perhaps fosters inward turbulence, at any rate leaves room for it. Hearts unvexed by the world’s rash hurry have tempests and revolutions and tumults all their own. How many strange soul-combats go on in quiet tenements! How many fierce struggles pass unperceived and unrecorded, perhaps not worth recording, yet of immense significance to those who conquer or succumb! “All my days are alike, so far as the outer world goes,” writes Mademoiselle de Guérin; “but with the soul’s life it is different, nothing could be more varied, more flexible, more subject to perpetual change.”
Do not think that her solitude always meant silence, though. That kind of external calm might actually create inner chaos, or at least allow for it. Hearts untouched by the world's reckless rush experience their own storms and upheavals. How many unusual battles of the soul take place in quiet homes! How many intense struggles go unnoticed and unrecorded, perhaps deemed unworthy of record, yet are incredibly important for those who overcome or fall short! “All my days are alike, as far as the outside world goes,” writes Mademoiselle de Guérin; “but the life of the soul is different—nothing could be more varied, more adaptable, more subject to constant change.”
Two main, essential objects of all her inner life and thought kept her in this unceasing agitation. One was her brother Maurice. She had another brother and a sister whom she loved and cherished. To her father she[181] was a sympathetic companion and a faithful attendant. But Maurice was confessedly more to her than any one else. He was younger than she. She had supplied for him the place of the mother who died early. She tended him, watched over him, guided him, and when he went out into the great world thought of him and prayed for him perpetually.
Two main, essential aspects of her inner life and thoughts kept her in constant agitation. One was her brother Maurice. She had another brother and a sister whom she loved and cherished. To her father, she was a sympathetic companion and a loyal helper. But Maurice was undeniably more important to her than anyone else. He was younger than she was. She had taken on the role of the mother who had died early for him. She cared for him, watched over him, guided him, and when he ventured into the world, she thought about him and prayed for him continuously.
He was one who well deserved such affection. Sensitive, delicate in health and in feeling, imaginative, finely touched to all the fine issues of genius, his brief life was torn and tortured by alternate aspiration and doubt, by vast dreams of what he might achieve and miserable distrust of his ability to achieve anything. He died young and left behind him a journal recording these struggles with pathetic fidelity and one short prose poem, which has wide harmonies of classic dignity and echoing grandeur not surpassed by the “Hyperion” of Keats. Who that knows that music can ever forget it? “O Mélampe! les dieux errants ont posé leur lyres sur les pierres; mais aucun—aucun ne l’y a oubliée.”
He truly deserved such love. Sensitive, fragile in health and emotion, imaginative, and deeply attuned to the finer points of genius, his short life was filled with a tug-of-war between ambition and doubt, between grand dreams of what he could accomplish and crippling insecurity about his ability to achieve anything. He died young, leaving behind a journal that faithfully captured these struggles and one short prose poem that resonates with classic dignity and grandeur, rivaling Keats' “Hyperion.” Who that appreciates music could ever forget it? “O Mélampe! les dieux errants ont posé leur lyres sur les pierres; mais aucun—aucun ne l’y a oubliée.”
The sister also kept a journal. But while Maurice’s was addressed to himself or to curious posterity, hers was addressed only to him; even after death had snatched him from her, only to him. All her inmost thoughts go there, all her hopes, all her sorrows, and to pour them out to him is the great preoccupation of her life. She can say to him things she cannot say to others. He will understand. He has always understood. With great and with little events it is the same. A sunset walk in the fields and the death of a dear friend—each alike must be discussed with Maurice. All the[182] emotion each brings with it must be confided to him. Anxiety for his health, for his future, for his happiness, is constantly blended with her own daily doings, the whole making a curious tissue of love, as fine and delicate as it is tender and true.
The sister also kept a journal. But while Maurice’s was meant for himself or for future readers, hers was only for him; even after death took him away, it was still just for him. All her deepest thoughts go into it, all her hopes, all her sorrows, and sharing them with him is her main focus in life. She can express things to him that she can’t say to anyone else. He will understand. He has always understood. Whether it’s a sunset walk in the fields or the death of a close friend, she feels the need to talk about it with Maurice. All the emotions each situation brings must be shared with him. Worrying about his health, his future, and his happiness constantly mixes with her own daily life, creating a unique tapestry of love, as fine and delicate as it is tender and true.
To turn to the brother’s journal from the sister’s is a fruitful lesson in human nature. In her life everything is related to him. In his she is an element, an episode, beloved, delightful, nothing more. Her name hardly occurs in his Journal, even casually. The letters he writes to her are affectionate, and appeal for comfort when he needs it. He was the sun of her life. In his, even before his marriage, she was only a tranquil star, shining quietly, treasured, but not always remembered. She knew this. Love always knows. Looking back, after he was gone, she wonders if she did not sometimes bore him. While she had him with her, the longed-for letters used to come, not always bringing what she demanded of them. “How my fingers burned to open that letter in which at last I was to see you. I have seen you, but I do not know you. You open only your head to me. It was your heart, your soul, the very inmost of your being, what makes your life, that I hoped to see.”
To switch from the brother’s journal to the sister’s is a valuable lesson in human nature. In her life, everything is connected to him. In his, she is just a part, a moment, cherished and enjoyable, but nothing more. Her name barely appears in his Journal, not even casually. The letters he writes to her are affectionate and seek comfort when he needs it. He was the center of her universe. In his, even before his marriage, she was only a calm star, shining softly, valued, but not always thought of. She understood this. Love always knows. Looking back, after he was gone, she wonders if she ever bored him. While she had him with her, the longed-for letters would arrive, not always delivering what she hoped for. “How my fingers burned to open that letter where I was finally going to see you. I have seen you, but I do not know you. You only share your thoughts with me. It was your heart, your soul, the deepest part of you, what gives your life meaning, that I longed to see.”
No lack of response made any difference in the sister’s ardent affection, however, unless perhaps to increase the ardor, as sometimes happens in this inconsequent world. Eugénie’s thought was ever on the beloved object, on his reading, on his thinking, on his material condition, on his varied failure and success in his efforts to overcome the maddening poverty which hampered his progress. Yet how strange are the vagaries[183] of the human heart. With all her passionate thought and affection, I do not find that she gave much heed to the one interest which was positive in Maurice’s life, his desire to achieve enduring beauty for the delight of men. When a life is devoured by this longing, it measures all things and all people by their sympathy with it and contribution to it. It is perhaps just here that Eugénie failed to evoke the entire response she looked for from her brother’s heart. To be sure, when his writings were gathered together after his death, she expressed great interest and some enthusiasm. Yet even then her chief anxiety was that he should not be misrepresented, misunderstood, mispraised as pagan rather than Christian, and she did not hesitate to assert that he had no thought of fame and did not desire it.
No lack of response changed the sister’s deep affection, unless it maybe intensified it, as sometimes happens in this unpredictable world. Eugénie was always thinking about the person she loved, about his reading, his thoughts, his living situation, and his various successes and failures in trying to overcome the frustrating poverty that held him back. Yet how strange are the whims of the human heart. Despite all her passionate thoughts and love, I don’t see that she paid much attention to the one thing that truly mattered in Maurice’s life, his desire to create lasting beauty for the pleasure of others. When someone’s life is consumed by this longing, they judge everything and everyone by how much they resonate with it and contribute to it. It’s perhaps here that Eugénie failed to evoke the full response she hoped for from her brother's heart. Of course, when his writings were compiled after his death, she showed a lot of interest and some enthusiasm. Still, even then, her main concern was that he not be misrepresented, misunderstood, or wrongly praised as pagan instead of Christian, and she was quick to point out that he had no thoughts of fame and didn’t want it.
How even our most unselfish love is absorbed in its own point of view! How hard it is to love others as they would be loved, not as we would be loved. Eugénie worried perpetually about Maurice’s soul, but very little about his reputation. She had not learned the profound truth and beauty of Madame de Choiseul’s remark: “I have always had the vanity of those I love: that is my fashion of loving.”
How even our most selfless love is wrapped up in our own perspective! How difficult it is to love others the way they want to be loved, not the way we want to be loved. Eugénie constantly worried about Maurice’s soul, but not much about his reputation. She hadn’t grasped the deep truth and beauty of Madame de Choiseul’s saying: “I have always had the vanity of those I love: that’s my way of loving.”
I wonder whether the young wife from the far Indies, whom Maurice married when death was already beginning to lay its hand on him, had any more sympathy with his aspirations for this world. There is no evidence that she had, though she was tender and devoted in her care and ministrations to the very last.
I wonder if the young wife from the far Indies, whom Maurice married when death was already starting to take hold of him, shared any of his hopes for this life. There's no proof that she did, although she was loving and dedicated in her care and support right until the end.
It is most curious to observe Eugénie’s relation to this new sister. Even for a mother, who has her own distinct,[184] assured claim, it is hard enough to give up a son she loves. But a sister, with all a mother’s love, but only a sister’s intimacy, cannot see the forming of a new and stronger bond without some dread, some repugnance, some coldness at the heart. Eugénie, like all persons who analyze their feelings, was naturally inclined to doubt others’ affection because she doubted her own desert. When her friends fail to write to her, she hints her grief about it. When the tone of Maurice’s letters is indifferent, or she fancies that it is, she frets and broods over it. “Do you remember that little short letter that tormented me for a fortnight?” How, then, did she bear the intrusion of a stranger heart, sure to see into all the hidden places where even she had not been privileged to come? We can divine well enough how hard it was. Her tone about her new sister might indeed seem to be all praise. She is good, she is beautiful, she is devoted to Maurice, she fulfils all her duties and is a sweet companion and friend. Nevertheless, there is the faintest, perfectly unintentional patronage. Her family are not, perhaps, quite all they should be. Her dress, charming, delightful, appropriate, but is it a little startling for a country town, that black velvet hat with an ostrich plume, fit to amaze earth and heaven, as a neighbor puts it? But we do so want to be friendly, to do our part. “I hope Maurice will be happy with her. She isn’t just the sort of woman I am used to, for character, or heart, or face. She is a stranger. I am studying her. I am trying to get her near to me, to enter into her life, if she cannot enter into mine.”
It’s really interesting to see Eugénie’s relationship with her new sister. Even for a mother, who has her own strong claim, it’s tough enough to let go of a son she loves. But a sister, sharing all a mother’s love but only a sister's closeness, can’t help but feel some fear, some discomfort, and some coldness in her heart at the thought of a new and stronger bond forming. Eugénie, like anyone who examines their feelings, naturally tends to doubt the affection of others because she questions her own worthiness. When her friends don’t write to her, she subtly hints at her sadness. When Maurice’s letters seem indifferent—or if she thinks they do—she worries and ruminates over it. “Do you remember that short little letter that tormented me for two weeks?” So, how does she cope with the intrusion of a stranger’s heart, likely to uncover all the hidden areas that even she hasn’t been allowed to explore? It’s clear enough how difficult it was. Her remarks about her new sister might actually sound like nothing but praise. She’s good, she’s beautiful, she’s devoted to Maurice, she meets all her responsibilities, and she’s a lovely companion and friend. Still, there’s the slightest, completely unintentional condescension. Her family might not be exactly what they should be. Her outfit is charming, delightful, and suitable, but is that black velvet hat with an ostrich plume a bit too much for a small town, as a neighbor puts it? But we really want to be friendly and do our part. “I hope Maurice will be happy with her. She’s not exactly the type of woman I’m used to, in character, heart, or looks. She feels like a stranger. I’m studying her. I’m trying to get her closer to me, to become part of her life, if she can’t become part of mine.”
When they both together were soothing the last hours[185] of the beloved one, Eugénie has nothing but praise and affection for her sister-in-law. But who could miss the poignancy of the quiet remark that the sister lies awake all night and hears the wife ministering to the husband as she herself would like to minister? It is hard to tell which is more significant, this comment or that of a few weeks earlier: “They are happy. Maurice is a perfect husband. He is worth a hundred of what he was a year ago. He told me so himself. He confides in me just as much as ever. We often talk together intimately.”
When they were both comforting their loved one during the final hours[185], Eugénie felt nothing but appreciation and love for her sister-in-law. But who could overlook the sadness in the quiet observation that the sister lies awake all night, listening to the wife taking care of the husband in a way she wishes she could? It's hard to decide which is more telling: this comment or one from a few weeks before: “They are happy. Maurice is a wonderful husband. He’s worth a hundred times what he was a year ago. He told me that himself. He still confides in me just as much. We often have deep conversations.”
On one point Maurice’s marriage seems to be as satisfactory as it could be, that of religion. His wife does not appear to have distracted him in any way from his salvation, which would have been hard for Eugénie; nor yet does the wife promote it more than the sister did, which would have been even harder. Maurice’s salvation! That was the object of Eugénie’s daily thoughts and of her nightly prayers. Maurice’s salvation! While she had him under her own motherly wing, all was well. He might perhaps have been too easily distracted, not intensely serious, as she was; but at least his faith was firmly grounded and she sent him out into the great world, confident that he would be a white soldier of Christ always.
On one aspect, Maurice’s marriage seems as fulfilling as it could be: religion. His wife doesn’t seem to distract him from his salvation, which would have been difficult for Eugénie; nor does she encourage it more than his sister did, which would have been even harder. Maurice’s salvation! That was the focus of Eugénie’s daily thoughts and nightly prayers. Maurice’s salvation! As long as she had him under her nurturing care, everything was fine. He might have been a bit easily distracted and not as serious as she was, but at least his faith was strong, and she sent him out into the world, confident that he would always be a devoted soldier of Christ.
Alas, how often such hopes are disappointed! Not that Maurice really sinned, or went astray. Most would have thought him virtuous enough, Christian enough. But he took a certain interest in the heresies of his adored teacher, Lamennais, and, to the half-cloistered sister at any rate, he appeared much tainted with the[186] follies and incredulities of an unbelieving age. How she longed to have him back with her, at least in spirit! How she prayed that he might pray! How she trembled and shrank at the thought that after being separated on earth they might not be united in heaven! “I am not holy enough to convert you, nor strong enough to draw you with me. God alone can do that. Oh, how I ask it of him, for all my happiness goes with it. Perhaps you cannot imagine, with your philosophic eye you cannot see, the tears of a Christian eye, weeping for a soul that may be lost, a soul so much beloved, a brother’s soul, the sister of one’s own.”
Unfortunately, how often such hopes are disappointed! Not that Maurice really sinned or went off track. Most would consider him virtuous enough, Christian enough. But he showed a certain interest in the heresies of his beloved teacher, Lamennais, and to the half-cloistered sister, he seemed quite affected by the follies and doubts of a skeptical age. How she longed to have him back with her, at least in spirit! How she prayed that he might pray! How she trembled and shied away at the thought that after being separated on earth, they might not be united in heaven! “I am not holy enough to convert you, nor strong enough to pull you with me. Only God can do that. Oh, how I plead with Him, for all my happiness depends on it. Perhaps you cannot fathom, with your philosophical perspective you cannot see, the tears of a Christian heart, weeping for a soul that may be lost, a soul so dearly loved, a brother’s soul, the sister of one’s own.”
At least she had the satisfaction of feeling that in the end her prayers were answered and that the frail and wavering spirit returned to die in the faith in which she had cradled it. Taking a view with which the unregenerate will find it hard to sympathize, she declares that errors of the intellect are much more serious, more dangerous than errors of the heart. To her fond hope it seemed that on her brother’s deathbed intellectual errors were all forgotten, and after he had left her she resented bitterly the verdict of great writers, George Sand and Sainte-Beuve, that he would live to posterity as a poet of nature whose essential spirit was much less Christian than Greek.
At least she felt satisfied knowing that in the end, her prayers were answered and that the fragile and uncertain spirit returned to die believing in the faith that she had nurtured. From a perspective that those who are unrepentant will likely struggle to understand, she claims that mistakes of the mind are far more serious and dangerous than mistakes of the heart. To her hopeful heart, it seemed that on her brother’s deathbed, all intellectual mistakes were forgotten, and after he left her, she felt a deep resentment toward the opinions of notable writers like George Sand and Sainte-Beuve, who said he would be remembered as a nature poet with a spirit that was much more Greek than Christian.
I have said that Mademoiselle de Guérin’s secluded and in a sense impersonal life was filled by two great preoccupations. One was her brother. It will be evident by this time that the other was God. “There is one thing needful, to possess God,” wrote Amiel at the beginning of his Journal. Assuredly few human beings[187] have possessed God, have been more thoroughly possessed by the thought of God, than Eugénie de Guérin. All thoughts, all passions, all hopes, all griefs are referred constantly, in prayer and meditation, to that one source, to that one end. It is indeed beautiful to see how completely the two great interests of her life merge in each other. Madame de Sévigné adored her daughter more than God, felt and admitted that the earthly idol usurped God’s place in her eager, tender, frantic mother’s heart. Madame du Deffand worshipped Horace Walpole instead of God, a frail and singular substitute, it will certainly be admitted. With Mademoiselle de Guérin there was never any question of conflict. Her two loves were absolutely united, and one simply enhanced the other. To one object she addressed herself almost as freely as to the other, and it was matter of regret to her that she did not quite: “I speak as I please to this little book [her Journal, addressed to Maurice]. I tell it everything, thoughts, griefs, pleasures, feelings, everything but what can be told only to God, and even then I am sorry to leave anything at the bottom of the box.”
I’ve mentioned that Mademoiselle de Guérin’s isolated and somewhat impersonal life revolved around two major concerns. One was her brother. By now, it should be clear that the other was God. “There is one thing needful, to possess God,” wrote Amiel at the start of his Journal. Undoubtedly, few people[187] have truly possessed God or been as consumed by thoughts of God as Eugénie de Guérin. All her thoughts, passions, hopes, and sorrows were constantly directed in prayer and meditation to that one source, that one goal. It’s truly beautiful to see how completely the two main interests of her life intertwined. Madame de Sévigné loved her daughter more than God, recognizing that her earthly idol took God’s place in her eager, loving, frantic mother’s heart. Madame du Deffand adored Horace Walpole instead of God, a fragile and peculiar substitute, to be sure. With Mademoiselle de Guérin, there was never any conflict. Her two loves were completely united, and one simply enhanced the other. She spoke to each with almost equal openness, and it saddened her to think she didn’t quite: “I speak as I please to this little book [her Journal, addressed to Maurice]. I tell it everything—thoughts, sorrows, joys, feelings—everything except what can only be shared with God, and even then, I regret leaving anything at the bottom of the box.”
After her brother’s death, she recognizes, in a passage of wonderful self-analysis, the huge, the over-mastering power of earthly affection, yet at once her permanent instinct blends God with it all in a complete, supreme effort of submission to his will. “Shall we never be rid of our affections? Neither grief, nor anguish, nor death has power to change us. To love, always to love, to love right down into the grave, to love the earthly remnants, to love the body that has borne the[188] soul, even though the soul has fled to heaven!... All happiness is dead for me on earth. I have buried my heart’s life. I have lost the charm of my existence. I cannot tell all that my brother was to me or how profoundly I had hidden in him all my happiness. My future, my hopes, my old age, all were one with his, and then he was a soul that understood me. He and I were two eyes in one forehead. Now we are torn apart and God has come between us. His will be done!”
After her brother’s death, she realizes, in a moment of insightful self-reflection, the immense, overwhelming power of earthly love. Yet, at the same time, her deep instinct connects everything to God in a total, profound act of submission to His will. “Will we never be free of our attachments? Neither sorrow, nor pain, nor death can change us. To love, always to love, to love all the way to the grave, to love the earthly remains, to love the body that housed the soul, even though the soul has gone to heaven!... All happiness is gone for me on earth. I have buried the life of my heart. I have lost the joy of my existence. I can't express how much my brother meant to me or how deeply I had tucked all my happiness into him. My future, my dreams, my old age, all were intertwined with his, and he was a soul that truly understood me. We were like two eyes in one forehead. Now we are separated, and God has come between us. May His will be done!”
In emphasizing this divine possession of Mademoiselle de Guérin, we must not, however, imply that she was actually unbalanced, or not alive to the common needs and duties of daily life. Her religion was active as well as passive. Even in the more ecstatic rites of spiritual devotion she recognizes a wholesome practical efficacy, as in her striking remark about confession. “What ease, what light, what strength come to me every time I say right out, ‘I was at fault.’” Such a normal attitude makes one regret more than ever that, in our day, at any rate, those make most use of confession who have very little to confess.
In highlighting Mademoiselle de Guérin's divine connection, we shouldn't suggest that she was unstable or unaware of the everyday needs and responsibilities of life. Her faith was both active and passive. Even in the more intense rituals of spiritual devotion, she recognized a positive practical impact, as shown in her powerful comment about confession. “What ease, what light, what strength come to me every time I say out loud, ‘I was at fault.’” This reasonable perspective makes us wish, more than ever, that nowadays, those who rely most on confession often have very little to confess.
In the wide practice of charity it does not appear that Mademoiselle de Guérin was especially active. Yet here too it is evident that she gave not only money but the comfort and the sage, kindly counsel which are worth much more than money, whenever occasion called for them.
In the broad field of charity, it seems that Mademoiselle de Guérin wasn't particularly active. Still, it's clear that she offered not just financial support but also comfort and wise, kind advice, which are far more valuable than money, whenever the situation arose.
So with domestic pursuits. Though her family were of old, high standing, they were poor, lived simply, kept few attendants, and the daughters of the house were wont to turn their prudent hands to every sort[189] of service. Eugénie had evidently been trained in the methods of careful French housekeeping. She dusts, she mends, she lays the table, she cooks, in emergency she takes the linen to the brook and washes it after the picturesque, muscular European fashion. She often finds pleasure in all these doings, also, has a true domestic sense of order and finish and propriety. Nay, she does her washing with real lightness of heart, seeing charms in it which perhaps escape the average laundress. “It is a real joy to wash, to see the fish swim by, to watch the little wavelets, the twigs, the leaves, the blossoms floating in the stream. The brook brings so much that is pretty to the toiler who knows how to see.”
So with home life. Although her family had once held a high status, they were poor, lived simply, had few servants, and the daughters of the house often applied their practical skills to various tasks. Eugénie had clearly been trained in the ways of careful French housekeeping. She dusts, she mends, she sets the table, she cooks, and in emergencies, she takes the laundry to the brook and washes it in a picturesque, muscular European way. She often finds joy in all these activities and has a genuine sense of order, completion, and propriety. In fact, she does her laundry with real happiness, noticing the charms in it that might escape the average washer. “It’s a real joy to wash, to see the fish swim by, to watch the little waves, the twigs, the leaves, the blossoms floating in the stream. The brook brings so much beauty to the worker who knows how to appreciate it.”
But even here we note that the toiler’s thoughts were not wholly on her toil, however well she might perform it. She was not born to labor with contented indifference. Her heart was too restless, too eager, too bent on vast reveries beyond the limits of this world’s cleanliness. Therefore she willingly lets her sister be housekeeper and only stands ready to help when needed. If little tasks absorb too much of her time, she complains, almost petulantly. “I have hardly opened a book to-day. My time has been passed with things quite different from reading, things nothing in themselves, not even worth mentioning, yet which fill up every moment.” And always, through the humblest of such tasks, runs the glowing current of those thoughts which to her were the only reality in a world of tawdry, trivial, incoherent phantoms. Even when the phantoms burn her fingers, she thinks only of Saint Catherine of Sienna, who had a taste for cooking. “It gave[190] her so many subjects for meditation. I can well believe it, if for nothing but the sight of the fire and the little burns one gets, which make one think of purgatory.”
But even here, we see that the worker’s thoughts weren't completely on her chores, no matter how well she did them. She wasn’t meant to work with a satisfied indifference. Her heart was too restless, too eager, too focused on grand daydreams beyond the boundaries of this world’s tidiness. So, she willingly lets her sister take charge of the household and only steps in to help when needed. If small tasks take up too much of her time, she complains, almost sulkily. “I’ve hardly opened a book today. I’ve spent my time on things that are completely different from reading, things that aren’t worth mentioning, yet they consume every moment.” And always, even through the simplest of such tasks, runs the vibrant current of thoughts that, for her, were the only reality in a world of cheap, trivial, disjointed illusions. Even when the illusions burn her fingers, she thinks only of Saint Catherine of Siena, who had a passion for cooking. “It gave[190] her so many things to think about. I can totally believe it, if only for the sight of the fire and the little burns one gets, which remind you of purgatory.”
For she was thinking of hell, and purgatory, and heaven all the time, or as I said in beginning, more justly, she was thinking of God, which included them all three, and far more. God entered into every step she took, and every breath she breathed.
For she was constantly thinking about hell, purgatory, and heaven, or as I mentioned at the beginning, more accurately, she was thinking about God, which encompassed all three, and so much more. God was in every step she took and every breath she took.
We may trace Him in all her earthly affections. They were deep and strong. We have seen this in regard to Maurice. It was just as true in regard to all others. Her father she cherished tenderly. She knew that he depended on her for everything and she was ready to give him everything at any moment. The deepest workings of her soul she kept from him, because she knew that he would not wholly understand them, and in covering them even with a certain duplicity she only practiced the precept of one who had penetrated the spiritual life as deeply as she, though from a different angle, “the law of love is higher than the law of truth.” Her friendships for other women, also, were profoundly sincere and lasting. She gives much and asks little, just tenderness shown in a brief letter, or a fleeting word. Who has analyzed the passing of friendship more delicately than she? “It is said that women never love each other. I do not know. There may be deep affections that last only a short time. But I have always mistrusted these, for myself and for those I love. Nothing is sadder than a bit of death in the heart. Therefore, when I see an affection dying,[191] I set to work to rekindle it with all my power.” Hers also is this perfect expression of a heart inclined to tenderness: “Our affections are born one of another.”
We can see Him in all her earthly loves. They were deep and powerful. We've observed this with Maurice, but it was just as true with everyone else. She cherished her father deeply. She understood that he relied on her for everything, and she was willing to give him anything at any moment. She kept the most profound parts of her soul hidden from him because she knew he wouldn’t fully grasp them, and by hiding them with a bit of deception, she was simply following the wisdom of someone who had explored spiritual life as deeply as she had, although from a different perspective: “the law of love is higher than the law of truth.” Her friendships with other women were also deeply sincere and enduring. She gives a lot and asks for little, just some kindness shown in a short letter or a brief word. Who has captured the intricacies of friendship better than she did? “It’s said that women never truly love each other. I don’t know. There might be intense feelings that only last a short time. But I have always been wary of those, both for myself and for those I care about. Nothing is sadder than a touch of death in the heart. So, when I notice a friendship fading, I do everything I can to revive it.” This is also the perfect expression of a heart that is naturally tender: “Our feelings are born from one another.”
Yet, as with Maurice, in all these relations God was first. The thought of Him sanctified them. The sense of his presence enhanced and beautified them. Except as they turned towards Him, they could not live and did not deserve to live. “The tenderest affections of the heart, what are they, if they are not bent towards heaven, if they are not offered up to God? They are as mortal as ourselves. We should love not for this world, but for another.”
Yet, like with Maurice, in all these relationships, God came first. The idea of Him made them holy. The awareness of His presence made them richer and more beautiful. Without turning to Him, they couldn't thrive and didn't deserve to thrive. “The deepest feelings of the heart, what are they if not directed towards heaven, if they are not given to God? They are as temporary as we are. We should love not for this world, but for the next.”
As with human love, so is it for Eugénie with all other phases of the inner life. By nature she had keen intellectual instincts, liked to read, liked to think, would even have been inclined to think with broad audacity. She had eminently the habit of reflection and analysis which makes solitude fruitful and also makes it dangerous. What scholar could express the charm of lonely hours with more depth and delicacy than this slightly tutored girl? “I love to linger over my thoughts, to bend over each one and breathe its fragrance, to enjoy them fully before they fade away.” Books are a refuge, a resource, a consolation to her. She hates to leave them, even for the brief journeys she is called upon to make.
As with human love, Eugénie experiences all other aspects of her inner life in the same way. Naturally, she had sharp intellectual instincts, enjoyed reading, loved to think, and would have even been inclined to think boldly. She had a strong habit of reflection and analysis that makes solitude both rewarding and risky. What scholar could capture the beauty of solitary hours with more depth and sensitivity than this somewhat self-taught girl? “I love to dwell on my thoughts, to immerse myself in each one and savor its essence, to fully appreciate them before they disappear.” Books are her escape, a resource, and a source of comfort. She dislikes leaving them, even for the short trips she has to take.
Also, the very interesting catalogue of her limited bookshelf contains some authors of distinctly profane persuasion, whom she does not always shun. Victor Hugo fascinates her. Sometimes, indeed, the quality of the text forces her to confine her attention to the[192] pictures, but again she is wrapt by the adventures of Jean Valjean and the flamboyant mediævalism of “Notre Dame de Paris.” She tries to break a long day by an exciting novel, picks “The Chamber of Poisons” for its title, but finds only disappointments, pet toads, Jesuits turned into hobgoblins, big names in petty places. She has no taste for poisons, she says. Or again, she turns to Sainte-Beuve’s “Volupté,” having been assured by her confessor that pure minds may pass untainted through strange regions. She likes the book, not perhaps wholly fathoming its depths of morbid suggestiveness. But the best is Molière. She tries him once, is delighted, and means to read more. Now what could be further apart than the worlds of Molière and Eugénie de Guérin?
Also, the very interesting catalog of her limited bookshelf includes some authors with distinctly unconventional views, whom she doesn't always avoid. Victor Hugo fascinates her. Sometimes, the quality of the text forces her to focus only on the[192] pictures, but other times she is captivated by the adventures of Jean Valjean and the extravagant medievalism of “Notre Dame de Paris.” She tries to break up a long day with an exciting novel, picks “The Chamber of Poisons” for its title, but finds only disappointments, pet toads, Jesuits turned into mischievous spirits, and big names in small settings. She claims to have no taste for poisons. Or again, she turns to Sainte-Beuve’s “Volupté,” having been assured by her confessor that pure minds can navigate through strange places unblemished. She enjoys the book, perhaps not fully grasping its depths of morbid suggestion. But the best is Molière. She tries him once, is delighted, and plans to read more. Now what could be further apart than the worlds of Molière and Eugénie de Guérin?
But, in the main, she reads the writers of this life only to condemn them. Bossuet, Pascal, the Fathers, the “Imitation,” are her daily and nightly company. Such books are all that Christians should read or even recognize. As for the general diffusion of book-learning and education, she deplores it with the real obscurantism of mediæval superstition. The peasants, she says, were once simple-minded, earnest, reverent, devout. Now they go to school, they read the newspapers, they acquire the superficial jargon of modern culture, and as a consequence they are atheistic in their talk and immoral in their lives.
But mainly, she reads the writers of this life just to criticize them. Bossuet, Pascal, the Fathers, the "Imitation" are her constant companions day and night. Those books are all that Christians should read or even acknowledge. As for the widespread access to learning and education, she regrets it with the genuine ignorance of medieval superstition. The peasants, she says, used to be simple-minded, sincere, respectful, and devout. Now they go to school, read newspapers, pick up the superficial language of modern culture, and as a result, they are atheistic in their discussions and immoral in their actions.
The same intense and constant preoccupation with the mystical point of view that affected Mademoiselle de Guérin’s intellectual pursuits entered into her æsthetic enjoyments. Art in its technical form was completely[193] out of her world. She probably saw pictures with the other curiosities of Paris, but they made no appeal, and churches to her were churches, not in any way creations of architectural art. Music alone she approaches with a sort of groping sense of its vast emotional possibility. But as to this she would undoubtedly have agreed with Cowper that all music not directly intended and employed for the worship of God was corrupting, enervating, debasing. “Oh, if I knew music!” she cries, in a moment of enthusiasm. “They say it is so good for the disorders of the soul.” Yet it does not touch her. “Nothing in the world has such power to move and stimulate the soul. I know it, but I do not feel it.” And a similar experience calls forth words profoundly characteristic for more than music. “I listened to wonders, yet nothing astonished me. Is there then no astonishment save in heaven?”
The same intense and constant focus on the mystical perspective that influenced Mademoiselle de Guérin's intellectual interests also affected her aesthetic experiences. Art in its technical form was completely[193] absent from her world. She likely viewed paintings alongside the other curiosities of Paris, but they didn't resonate with her, and churches were just churches, not creative works of architectural art in her eyes. Music, however, was something she approached with a kind of tentative awareness of its vast emotional potential. But she would have certainly agreed with Cowper that all music not specifically meant for the worship of God was corrupting, weakening, and degrading. “Oh, if I only understood music!” she exclaims in a moment of excitement. “They say it’s so good for the troubles of the soul.” Yet it eluded her. “Nothing in the world has such power to move and inspire the soul. I know this, but I do not experience it.” A similar sentiment brings forth words that capture more than just her thoughts on music. “I listened to amazing things, yet nothing surprised me. Is there no astonishment except in heaven?”
But there was one region of beauty in which Eugénie’s soul opened and flowered with the most exquisite delicacy and sensibility of response and that was the world of nature. The subtle, dreamy, suggestive landscape of France, which has meant so much to poets and painters, has rarely been felt or rendered with more perfection than by this simple girl who spent her life with flowers and birds and clouds and stars. “I tried to begin a letter to you yesterday,” she says, “but I could not write. All my soul was at the window.” How often her soul was at the window, all ears, all eyes, stirred to wild joy or grief by the breath of light winds, or the dance of blossoms in sunshine, or the drift of autumn leaves. Now it is fair spring weather that[194] delights her, now it is the long and wind-swept rains of autumn. The vast tranquillity of summer nights at times befits her mood. And again she welcomes the tumult of great storms and cries out for even thunder to jar the too monotonous quiet. Not the heart of Keats or Shelley was more vividly, more blissfully or painfully, at one with little sounds, or fleeting sights, or unknown odors that vanish as quickly as they come.
But there was one area of beauty where Eugénie’s soul opened up and blossomed with the most exquisite delicacy and sensitivity, and that was in nature. The subtle, dreamy, suggestive landscape of France, which has been so meaningful to poets and painters, has rarely been captured or expressed more perfectly than by this simple girl who spent her life among flowers, birds, clouds, and stars. “I tried to start a letter to you yesterday,” she says, “but I couldn’t write. My whole soul was at the window.” How often her soul was at the window, attentive, alive, stirred to wild joy or sorrow by the gentle breeze, the dance of flowers in the sunlight, or the drifting autumn leaves. Now it’s the lovely spring weather that delights her, and now it's the long, wind-swept rains of autumn. The vast calm of summer nights sometimes matches her mood. And again she welcomes the chaos of storms and even cries out for thunder to break the too monotonous silence. No heart was more vividly, more blissfully or painfully in tune with little sounds, fleeting sights, or unknown scents that disappear as quickly as they appear.
She reads Bernardin de Saint-Pierre’s description of the strawberry vine, which, he says, would make matter for a volume, with all its relations and experiences. “I,” she says, “am like the strawberry vine, bound up with earth and air and sky, with the birds, with so many things, visible and invisible, that I should never get through describing them, without counting what lives hidden in the folds of my heart, like the insects that dwell in the thickness of a leaf.” And again, “I wish my heart did not feel the condition of the air and of the season so much that it opens and closes like a flower with cold or sun. I don’t understand it, but so it is, so long as the soul is encased in this frail habitation of the body.”
She reads Bernardin de Saint-Pierre’s description of the strawberry vine, which he says could fill a whole book with all its connections and experiences. “I,” she says, “am like the strawberry vine, tied to the earth, air, and sky, along with the birds and countless other things, both seen and unseen, that I could never fully describe, not to mention what lives hidden in the depths of my heart, like the insects that hide in the thickness of a leaf.” And then, “I wish my heart didn’t sense the air and seasonal changes so much that it opens and closes like a flower in response to cold or sun. I don’t get it, but that’s how it is, as long as the soul is trapped in this fragile shell of the body.”
But nature is never all to her, never enough for her. She must have God. Either she sees Him as the whole life and beauty of it all, hears his voice in the breeze and in the storm, feels his hand in the motion of flowers and of stars, or she turns away from the beauty of earth as too apt to distract from the beauty of heaven. “The sky to-day is pale and languid like a fair face after a fever. This look of languor is full of charm. The blending of greenness and decay, of flowers that[195] open with flowers that fall, of singing birds and creeping brooks, the breath of storm and May sunshine mingled, give an effect of fine fabrics ruffled and tossed together, of sad and sweet at once, which fills me with delight. But this is Ascension day: let us leave earth and earth’s skies; let us rise above our fragile dwelling place and follow where Christ has gone before us.” In another mood the quiet, subtle sounds of night seem to penetrate devotion with an overpowering tenderness, to waft thought higher even than meditation undisturbed. “It is black night. But you can still hear the crickets, the streamlet, and the nightingale, just one, which sings, sings, sings, in the thick darkness. What a perfect accompaniment to evening prayer!”
But nature is never everything to her, never enough for her. She needs God. Either she sees Him as the entirety of life and beauty, hears His voice in the breeze and the storm, feels His hand in the movement of flowers and stars, or she turns away from the beauty of the earth, thinking it distracts from the beauty of heaven. “The sky today is pale and weary like a pretty face after a fever. This tired look is so charming. The mix of freshness and decay, of blooming flowers alongside those that fall, of singing birds and gentle brooks, the scent of a storm and May sunshine mingling, creates a fabric-like effect, all ruffled and tossed together, of sadness and sweetness at once, which fills me with joy. But this is Ascension day: let's leave the earth and its skies behind; let’s rise above our fragile home and follow where Christ has gone before us.” In a different mood, the soft, subtle sounds of night seem to fill devotion with an overwhelming tenderness, lifting thoughts higher than undisturbed meditation. “It’s pitch black outside. But you can still hear the crickets, the little stream, and the nightingale, just one, which sings, sings, sings, in the thick darkness. What a perfect accompaniment to evening prayer!”
I said in beginning that Mademoiselle de Guérin had no active personal life of her own. This is as true of her as perhaps of any of us. She followed the thought of others and of God as the shadow follows the sun. At the same time, she was human, she was a woman, she was made of earth, as we all are. It is a study of exceeding interest to watch the stirrings of humanity, even barely perceptible and quickly crushed, in this white, pure vessel filled with the glow of an unearthly adoration.
I mentioned at the beginning that Mademoiselle de Guérin didn't have an active personal life of her own. This holds true for her just like it does for many of us. She followed the thoughts of others and of God like a shadow follows the sun. Yet, she was human, she was a woman, made of the same earth as the rest of us. It's incredibly fascinating to observe the faint signs of humanity, even when they're almost invisible and quickly suppressed, in this pure, white vessel filled with the light of a divine love.
Revolt she seems to have had none, doubt none, or only such momentary dimming of the pure flame as serves to make it shine the brighter. It does indeed trouble her a little to reflect that just those consolations which the poor need are given only to the rich who need them not. Life, she says, seems inside out and upside down, which was the view of Prometheus[196] and of Satan, but in Mademoiselle de Guérin it does not strike us as Satanic. Also, her questioning of the divine order goes so far as a regret that she cannot have her doves in heaven. But this pulls her up with a shock, for in heaven we shall regret nothing—not even doves.
She seems to have experienced no rebellion, no doubt, or only a temporary dimming of the pure flame that makes it shine even brighter. It does trouble her a bit to think that the comforts the poor need are only given to the rich, who don’t need them. Life, she says, feels inside out and upside down, just like Prometheus[196] and Satan viewed it, but with Mademoiselle de Guérin, it doesn’t come across as evil. Additionally, her questioning of the divine order includes a regret that she can’t have her doves in heaven. But this realization startles her, because in heaven, we won’t regret anything—not even doves.
Some shreds of human frailty, some lingering hints of impatience and irritability and nerves, we are pleased to find that even this saint shares with us. How subtly and charmingly does she analyze them herself. “I am not in the mood to write or to do anything amiable: quite the contrary. There are days when the soul shuts itself up like a hedgehog. If you were here, how I would prick you.” And again, in a little different phase. “I am most unsuccessful in dealing with difficulties, and am always in too great a hurry to get at what is to give me pleasure.”
Some signs of human weakness, some lingering hints of impatience, irritability, and anxiety, we are pleased to see that even this saint experiences. How subtly and charmingly she analyzes them herself. “I’m not in the mood to write or do anything nice: quite the opposite. There are days when my soul curls up like a hedgehog. If you were here, I’d definitely prick you.” And again, at a slightly different moment. “I’m really bad at handling challenges, and I’m always too rushed to get to what’s supposed to make me happy.”
Also, I wonder whether her friends really got near her and felt at ease with her. Monsieur Anatole France speaks charmingly of la douceur impérieuse des saintes. Had Mademoiselle de Guérin’s infinite gentleness sometimes a touch of the imperious? I can hardly prove it. It is rare and subtle and indefinable. But I divine it—a little. She remarks, with beatific triumph, “I speak to everybody I love of the things of eternity.” She did. She did. And it seems merely prophetic despair to imply that the things of eternity might grow tiresome. But in this world we are contented only with eternal change.
Also, I wonder if her friends really got close to her and felt comfortable around her. Monsieur Anatole France speaks beautifully of la douceur impérieuse des saintes. Did Mademoiselle de Guérin’s infinite gentleness sometimes have a hint of the commanding? I can hardly prove it. It's rare, subtle, and hard to define. But I sense it a little. She says, with blissful triumph, “I talk to everyone I love about the things of eternity.” She did. She did. And it seems almost a sign of prophetic despair to suggest that the things of eternity might become tedious. But in this world, we are only satisfied with constant change.
There are some special matters of absorbing interest to most women. Eugénie de Guérin was a woman. Did[197] she take no interest in these matters? Beauty, for instance? It does not appear that she had any special charm of feature or carriage. Was she aware of this? Did it trouble her? If so, she seldom shows it. Yet there are words here and there that set one thinking. When she was young, she says, she desired passionately to be beautiful, because she was told that if she were so, her mother would love her more. But as she grows older, she thinks only of beauty of the soul. Nevertheless, coming age seems to affect her with suggestions of ugliness, not of the soul only.
There are some special topics that fascinate most women. Eugénie de Guérin was a woman. Did [197] she have no interest in these topics? Like beauty, for example? It doesn’t seem that she had any particular charm in her looks or demeanor. Was she aware of this? Did it bother her? If it did, she rarely shows it. Still, there are phrases here and there that make one reflect. When she was young, she mentioned that she desperately wanted to be beautiful because she was told that if she was, her mother would love her more. But as she got older, she focused only on the beauty of the soul. However, the aging process seems to make her think about imperfections, not just of the soul.
Dress again. Fair women employ it to enhance beauty, others to create it. Did Eugénie give no thought to what she should put on? Not much, I confess, beyond an exquisite sense of neatness and good order. Yet, here, too, if you watch closely, you get a gleam of human vanity, like the flash of a spangle on a sombre floor. She looks back and reviews the preoccupations of her youth, long since laid aside and forgotten, she says. “Dolls, toys, birds, butterflies I cherished, pretty and innocent fancies of childhood. Then books, talk, jewels and ornaments a little, dreams, fair dreams—but I am not writing a confession.”
Dress again. Attractive women use it to highlight their beauty, while others use it to create it. Did Eugénie not consider what she should wear? Not really, I admit, beyond a refined sense of tidiness and order. Still, if you look closely, you can catch a glimpse of human vanity, like the sparkle of a sequin on a dark floor. She reflects on the concerns of her youth, which she says have long been set aside and forgotten. “Dolls, toys, birds, butterflies I loved, pretty and innocent fantasies of childhood. Then books, conversation, a little jewelry and ornaments, dreams, beautiful dreams—but I’m not writing a confession.”
If she had written one, would there have been men in it, fairy lovers such as girls dream, an ideal blend of manly beauty and mad tenderness? We do not know, but here again little things make us suspect. She tells us she does not like novels, because the passions are let loose in them—but she reads them. She pities the souls in purgatory because of the terrible impatience with which they await release. What expectation[198] on earth can compare with it? she says. Not that of fortune, or of glory, or of anything else that makes the human heart pant, unless perhaps it be the longing of the beloved waiting for the lover. And elsewhere she draws a domestic picture of quiet happiness, a little house in the fields, with vines and poultry, and some one, whom? Not a peasant, she says, like ours who beat their wives. “Do you remember—?” But she stops short and does not give the name.
If she had written one, would there have been men in it, fairy-tale lovers that girls dream about, the perfect mix of masculine beauty and wild tenderness? We don’t know, but again, little things make us wonder. She tells us she doesn’t like novels because they let passions run wild—but she reads them anyway. She feels sorry for souls in purgatory because of the awful impatience they have while waiting to be released. What expectation[198] on earth can compare to that? she wonders. Not the hope for wealth, or fame, or anything else that makes the human heart race, unless maybe it’s the longing of a beloved waiting for their lover. And elsewhere, she paints a picture of simple happiness, a little house in the countryside, surrounded by vines and chickens, and someone, whom? Not a peasant, she says, unlike ours who hit their wives. “Do you remember—?” But she trails off and doesn’t name them.
In such a picture the crowning object would be children and though she does not mention them here, she does elsewhere, often, with all a born mother’s tenderness. How charming is her dream of the way she would rear them and teach them. “If I had a child to bring up, how gently I would do it, how merrily, with all the care one gives a delicate flower. I would speak to them of God with words of love. I would tell them that He loves them even more than I do, that He gives them everything I give them, and besides, the air, the sun, and the flowers, that He made the sky and the beautiful stars.” When Maurice’s child is about to be born, after the father’s death, she cries out in ecstasy. “How I long to have a baby in the house, to play mother, and nurse it, and caress it.” Surely the real woman is speaking to us here.
In such a picture, the main focus would be children, and although she doesn't mention them here, she does in other places, often, with all the tenderness of a natural mother. How lovely is her dream of how she would raise and teach them. “If I had a child to raise, how gently I would do it, how happily, with all the care one gives to a delicate flower. I would speak to them about God with words of love. I would tell them that He loves them even more than I do, that He gives them everything I give them, plus the air, the sun, and the flowers, that He created the sky and the beautiful stars.” When Maurice’s child is about to be born after the father’s death, she exclaims in joy, “How I long to have a baby in the house, to play mother, nurse it, and cuddle it.” Surely, the true woman is speaking to us here.
Other feminine affairs were of less interest to her, as we have seen with things purely domestic. General society she shunned, and no doubt lost by doing so. Occasionally she is tricked out and led to a party, where she thinks every one remarks her ill, unaccustomed manner of dancing, the truth probably being that no[199] one noticed her at all. She might, no doubt, have been successful in conversation, for she had wit, refinement, distinction, and was capable of vivacity. But she avoided what she calls the world, with a suggestion of inexpressible disdain, alleging to herself that it was futile, frivolous, and unprofitable. Perhaps a good part of the reason was that she herself was proud and shy and essentially a spiritual aristocrat. “Books are my intellectual passion; but how few there are that I like. It is just so with people. I rarely meet any one that pleases me.” When you frequent the world in that spirit, it is unprofitable indeed.
Other feminine matters didn't interest her much, as we’ve seen with purely domestic issues. She avoided general society, and she probably missed out because of it. Occasionally, she would get dressed up and taken to a party, where she felt like everyone was watching her awkward and untrained dancing, when in reality, no one probably noticed her at all. She could have held her own in conversation since she had wit, refinement, distinction, and could be lively. But she steered clear of what she called the world, with an air of unspoken disdain, telling herself it was pointless, shallow, and unhelpful. Part of the reason was likely her pride and shyness, as she was essentially a spiritual aristocrat. “Books are my intellectual passion, but there are so few that I truly enjoy. It's the same with people. I rarely meet anyone who appeals to me.” When you approach the world with that mindset, it really is unhelpful.
One phase of human weakness did take hold of this celestial wanderer and even threaten to disturb her saintly peace, and that was the ambition of literature. She restrains it, subdues it, disclaims it. But no one could take such nice care of expression as she does, could turn sentences so daintily, so vigorously, and not take pride in them. She is like Saint François de Sales, who announces the loftiest contempt for poor words, but uses the most cunning skill to get all he can out of them.
One aspect of human weakness did grip this heavenly traveler and even threatened to disrupt her serene peace, and that was her ambition for literature. She keeps it in check, suppresses it, and denies it. But no one can pay as much attention to expression as she does, or craft sentences as elegantly and energetically, without feeling a sense of pride in them. She resembles Saint François de Sales, who publicly expresses the highest disdain for simple words, yet employs the most skillful tactics to extract every bit of meaning from them.
Writing is almost a necessity to her, she says. She turns to her pen as an outlet for all the struggles and trials and passions of her inner life. “Writing is the sign that I am alive, as that of a brook is running.” She looks to publication, too, makes delicate verses and sends them to a review, which she thinks will print them, if it prints women’s verses at all. Not that she cares for the public, oh, no! She writes only to please a friend or two who can appreciate her. And her name must not be used in print, oh, never! Still, there is a[200] subtle charm about this newspaper notoriety, you can hardly call it glory, which does appeal, even to the saints.
Writing is almost essential to her, she says. She turns to her pen as a way to express all the struggles, challenges, and passions of her inner life. “Writing is the sign that I am alive, just like a brook is flowing.” She also looks towards getting published, crafting delicate poems and sending them to a review she hopes will print them, if it prints women’s poetry at all. Not that she cares about public recognition, oh no! She writes just to please a friend or two who can appreciate her work. And her name must never be used in print, oh, never! Still, there is a[200] subtle charm about this newspaper fame, if you can even call it glory, which does appeal, even to the saints.
Then she thinks it appeals too much. All earthly glory is vanity, even that of the poet’s corner of a magazine. Can it be right for her to spend time and thought which should belong to God on the mere tinkle of human rhyming? She consults her confessor, who assures her that no great harm is done. She consults Maurice, who is very round with her, tells her not to worry about her conscience in the matter, but to write, tells her to think a little more about the subject of her verses and less about herself, and above all suggests that she should omit devotion and mysticism and be human, advice by which he lays himself open to gentle admonition and reproof.
Then she wonders if it’s too much. All worldly glory is just vanity, even the poet’s spotlight in a magazine. Should she really spend time and energy that should be dedicated to God on the trivial sound of human poetry? She asks her confessor, who tells her that it’s not a big deal. She talks to Maurice, who is very roundabout with her, telling her not to stress about her conscience regarding this, but to write. He advises her to focus a bit more on the theme of her poems and less on herself, and most importantly, suggests that she should leave out devotion and mysticism and be more relatable, advice that opens him up to gentle criticism and correction.
But she sticks to her pen just the same. Who ever failed to, that was born for it? Why, I may do good by writing, she urges. No doubt her confessor persuaded her she might, with perfect justice as regarded doing good to one person, at any rate.
But she clings to her pen just the same. Who hasn't felt that way if they were meant for it? I could do some good by writing, she insists. No doubt her confessor convinced her she could, which is perfectly reasonable when it comes to doing good for at least one person.
But we must not emphasize too much all these petty and indifferent preoccupations. None of them really counted, none of them was more than a trifle beside the paramount, absorbing interest of Mademoiselle de Guérin’s life. Not a page, hardly a paragraph, of her Journal but has some allusion to God, to her desire for God, her thirst for God, her complete, entire reference of all things earthly to what was, for her, at any rate, their origin, their purpose, and their end. She has words of marvellous mystical subtlety and grace,[201] though the constant impression is more powerful than any single words. “When a brook runs, it starts full of foam and turmoil and grows clearer as it travels. The road I wander in is God, or a friend, but above all, God. In Him I run my course and find repose.” “In this vast silence, when God only speaks to me, my soul is ravished and dead to everything else, above, below, within, without; but the rapture does not last.”
But we shouldn't focus too much on these minor and trivial concerns. None of them really matter; none of them are more than a small issue compared to the significant, captivating interest in Mademoiselle de Guérin's life. Not a page, hardly a paragraph, of her Journal doesn’t mention God, her longing for God, her yearning for God, her complete, total reference of everything earthly to what was, for her, their origin, their purpose, and their end. She has words of wonderful mystical subtlety and grace,[201] but the overall impression is stronger than any individual word. “When a brook runs, it starts out full of foam and chaos and becomes clearer as it flows. The path I walk is God, or a friend, but above all, God. In Him, I navigate my course and find peace.” “In this vast silence, when God only speaks to me, my soul is captivated and oblivious to everything else, above, below, within, without; but that ecstasy doesn’t last.”
Alas, no, it does not last. These ecstasies never do, whether earthly or heavenly, unless in heaven. And persons who spend their lives in waiting for them are apt to view the common, petty joys of earth with discontent. This was unquestionably the case with Mademoiselle de Guérin. A word less frequent than God in her Journal is ennui, but it is frequent enough. People bore her, society bores her, little daily duties bore her. She endures them and keeps a brave face because God bids, but the ennui is there just the same.
Alas, no, it doesn’t last. These moments of ecstasy never do, whether they’re earthly or heavenly, unless you’re in heaven. And people who spend their lives waiting for them tend to see the ordinary, everyday joys of life with dissatisfaction. This was definitely true for Mademoiselle de Guérin. A word less common than God in her Journal is ennui, but it appears often enough. People bore her, society bores her, and the little daily tasks bore her. She puts up with them and keeps a brave face because God says to, but the boredom is there all the same.
Nor is it only ennui. She sees a vast amount of positive evil in life. “Pessimism is half of saintliness,” says an excellent authority. It was at least half of Mademoiselle de Guérin’s. Besides general human suffering and cruelty and neglect, she has a set of individual troubles which seem avoidable, some doubt as to her own salvation and very considerable doubt as to the salvation of others. These things keep dark clouds over her until the sun has hard work to break through. She speaks perpetually of graves and death, always, to be sure, to draw a moral lesson from them; but cannot moral lessons be drawn from sweeter things? Even the great Christian poet, Donne, while expressing[202] a preference for the grave, found other matters more attractive still.
Nor is it just boredom. She sees a lot of genuine negativity in life. “Pessimism is part of saintliness,” says a well-respected source. It was at least part of Mademoiselle de Guérin’s perspective. Besides the general human suffering, cruelty, and neglect, she has a list of personal troubles that seem avoidable, some uncertainty about her own salvation, and significant doubt about the salvation of others. These issues cast dark clouds over her until the sun struggles to break through. She constantly talks about graves and death, always, of course, to draw a moral lesson from them; but can’t moral lessons be drawn from more uplifting things? Even the great Christian poet, Donne, while expressing[202] a preference for the grave, found other topics more appealing.
But Mademoiselle de Guérin is more than “half in love with easeful death” and inclines to woo him with all the strange fancies of Constance in “King John.” “Hippolyte talks to me of Marie, of another world, of his grief, of you, of death, of all the things I love so much.”
But Mademoiselle de Guérin is more than “half in love with easy death” and tends to entice him with all the odd ideas of Constance in “King John.” “Hippolyte talks to me about Marie, about another world, about his pain, about you, about death, about all the things I love so much.”
One is inclined to break in on a strain so morbid and abnormal with reminders of “earthlier happy is the rose distilled,” or with the somewhat brutal Philistinism of Horace Greeley’s comment on his dear friend, Margaret Fuller, “A good husband and two or three bouncing babies would have emancipated her from a good deal of cant and nonsense.”
One might feel tempted to interrupt such a dark and unusual vibe with reminders that “earthlier happy is the rose distilled,” or with the rather harsh attitude of Horace Greeley’s remark about his close friend, Margaret Fuller, saying, “A good husband and two or three bouncing babies would have freed her from a lot of pretentiousness and nonsense.”
But, though Mademoiselle de Guérin might herself have been happier as a normal wife and mother, she would not have left us the fine, elaborate analysis of an exquisite soul.
But, even though Mademoiselle de Guérin might have been happier as a typical wife and mother, she wouldn’t have given us the detailed, intricate analysis of a beautiful soul.
THE END
THE END
The Riverside Press
CAMBRIDGE · MASSACHUSETTS
U.S.A.
The Riverside Press
CAMBRIDGE · MASSACHUSETTS
U.S.A.
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